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MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would come he talked them all into going to midnight mass in Greenville once and I aboutMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I haveMR . HUNNICUTT : Well it has been a pleasure interviewing you and I believe your oral history will benefit someone in the future if they are researching Oak Ridge and I thank you very much for your time . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you stay there full time in a dormitory ? MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you date any while you were in college ? MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you stayed outside until you got word to come into Oak Ridge and then they brought you through the gate , do you recall them giving you a badge at that time ? MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : Oh yes and the government , I don 't remember any , I don 't remember any bills for heat or anything , that was all in the rent we paid . MR . HUNNICUTT : You remember what the rent was . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MR . HUNNICUTT : What about grocery shopping ? MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MR . HUNNICUTT : You were also at Y - 12 is that correct ? What kind of job is that ? Describe that job . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MR . HUNNICUTT : You recall what your job was you did when you were in a lab ? MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you recall how the weather was , was the winters real cold and snowy ? MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : Well , yes , I guess , I remember going to church and the church I attended was up on top of the hill , it was up where the Jefferson Junior High School became and after maybe that was built we had been living in a dorm , we would walk up there . MR . HUNNICUTT : Chapel on the Hill ? MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you find they were from all different parts of the United States ? MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would cMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : I think so . MR . HUNNICUTT : Do you recall , did you have a telephone when you lived in the D house ? MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : It was a one bedroom and a living room and kitchen . The kitchen was half down below ground . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you are telling me about your apartment on Waddell Circle was a two bedroom apartment . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MR . HUNNICUTT : No interstates in those days . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MR . HUNNICUTT : You and George went to meet his father and the rest of his family , where did you get married ? MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MR . HUNNICUTT : So all the years you have lived in Oak Ridge , what do you like best about Oak Ridge ? MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I have never MRS . BANIC : And thank you . [ End of Interview ] [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report :
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MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would come he talked them all into going to midnight mass in Greenville once and I aboutMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I haveMR . HUNNICUTT : Well it has been a pleasure interviewing you and I believe your oral history will benefit someone in the future if they are researching Oak Ridge and I thank you very much for your time . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you stay there full time in a dormitory ? MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you date any while you were in college ? MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you stayed outside until you got word to come into Oak Ridge and then they brought you through the gate , do you recall them giving you a badge at that time ? MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : Oh yes and the government , I don 't remember any , I don 't remember any bills for heat or anything , that was all in the rent we paid . MR . HUNNICUTT : You remember what the rent was . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MR . HUNNICUTT : What about grocery shopping ? MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MR . HUNNICUTT : You were also at Y - 12 is that correct ? What kind of job is that ? Describe that job . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MR . HUNNICUTT : You recall what your job was you did when you were in a lab ? MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you recall how the weather was , was the winters real cold and snowy ? MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : Well , yes , I guess , I remember going to church and the church I attended was up on top of the hill , it was up where the Jefferson Junior High School became and after maybe that was built we had been living in a dorm , we would walk up there . MR . HUNNICUTT : Chapel on the Hill ? MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you find they were from all different parts of the United States ? MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would cMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : I think so . MR . HUNNICUTT : Do you recall , did you have a telephone when you lived in the D house ? MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : It was a one bedroom and a living room and kitchen . The kitchen was half down below ground . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you are telling me about your apartment on Waddell Circle was a two bedroom apartment . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MR . HUNNICUTT : No interstates in those days . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MR . HUNNICUTT : You and George went to meet his father and the rest of his family , where did you get married ? MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MR . HUNNICUTT : So all the years you have lived in Oak Ridge , what do you like best about Oak Ridge ? MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I have never MRS . BANIC : And thank you . [ End of Interview ] [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report :
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MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would come he talked them all into going to midnight mass in Greenville once and I aboutMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I haveMR . HUNNICUTT : Well it has been a pleasure interviewing you and I believe your oral history will benefit someone in the future if they are researching Oak Ridge and I thank you very much for your time . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you stay there full time in a dormitory ? MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you date any while you were in college ? MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you stayed outside until you got word to come into Oak Ridge and then they brought you through the gate , do you recall them giving you a badge at that time ? MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : Oh yes and the government , I don 't remember any , I don 't remember any bills for heat or anything , that was all in the rent we paid . MR . HUNNICUTT : You remember what the rent was . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MR . HUNNICUTT : What about grocery shopping ? MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MR . HUNNICUTT : You were also at Y - 12 is that correct ? What kind of job is that ? Describe that job . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MR . HUNNICUTT : You recall what your job was you did when you were in a lab ? MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you recall how the weather was , was the winters real cold and snowy ? MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : Well , yes , I guess , I remember going to church and the church I attended was up on top of the hill , it was up where the Jefferson Junior High School became and after maybe that was built we had been living in a dorm , we would walk up there . MR . HUNNICUTT : Chapel on the Hill ? MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you find they were from all different parts of the United States ? MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would cMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : I think so . MR . HUNNICUTT : Do you recall , did you have a telephone when you lived in the D house ? MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : It was a one bedroom and a living room and kitchen . The kitchen was half down below ground . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you are telling me about your apartment on Waddell Circle was a two bedroom apartment . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MR . HUNNICUTT : No interstates in those days . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MR . HUNNICUTT : You and George went to meet his father and the rest of his family , where did you get married ? MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MR . HUNNICUTT : So all the years you have lived in Oak Ridge , what do you like best about Oak Ridge ? MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I have never MRS . BANIC : And thank you . [ End of Interview ] [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report :
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MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would come he talked them all into going to midnight mass in Greenville once and I aboutMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I haveMR . HUNNICUTT : Well it has been a pleasure interviewing you and I believe your oral history will benefit someone in the future if they are researching Oak Ridge and I thank you very much for your time . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you stay there full time in a dormitory ? MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you date any while you were in college ? MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you stayed outside until you got word to come into Oak Ridge and then they brought you through the gate , do you recall them giving you a badge at that time ? MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : Oh yes and the government , I don 't remember any , I don 't remember any bills for heat or anything , that was all in the rent we paid . MR . HUNNICUTT : You remember what the rent was . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MR . HUNNICUTT : What about grocery shopping ? MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MR . HUNNICUTT : You were also at Y - 12 is that correct ? What kind of job is that ? Describe that job . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MR . HUNNICUTT : You recall what your job was you did when you were in a lab ? MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you recall how the weather was , was the winters real cold and snowy ? MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : Well , yes , I guess , I remember going to church and the church I attended was up on top of the hill , it was up where the Jefferson Junior High School became and after maybe that was built we had been living in a dorm , we would walk up there . MR . HUNNICUTT : Chapel on the Hill ? MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you find they were from all different parts of the United States ? MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would cMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : I think so . MR . HUNNICUTT : Do you recall , did you have a telephone when you lived in the D house ? MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : It was a one bedroom and a living room and kitchen . The kitchen was half down below ground . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you are telling me about your apartment on Waddell Circle was a two bedroom apartment . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MR . HUNNICUTT : No interstates in those days . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MR . HUNNICUTT : You and George went to meet his father and the rest of his family , where did you get married ? MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MR . HUNNICUTT : So all the years you have lived in Oak Ridge , what do you like best about Oak Ridge ? MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I have never MRS . BANIC : And thank you . [ End of Interview ] [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report :
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MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would come he talked them all into going to midnight mass in Greenville once and I aboutMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I haveMR . HUNNICUTT : Well it has been a pleasure interviewing you and I believe your oral history will benefit someone in the future if they are researching Oak Ridge and I thank you very much for your time . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you stay there full time in a dormitory ? MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you date any while you were in college ? MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you stayed outside until you got word to come into Oak Ridge and then they brought you through the gate , do you recall them giving you a badge at that time ? MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : Oh yes and the government , I don 't remember any , I don 't remember any bills for heat or anything , that was all in the rent we paid . MR . HUNNICUTT : You remember what the rent was . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MR . HUNNICUTT : What about grocery shopping ? MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MR . HUNNICUTT : You were also at Y - 12 is that correct ? What kind of job is that ? Describe that job . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MR . HUNNICUTT : You recall what your job was you did when you were in a lab ? MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you recall how the weather was , was the winters real cold and snowy ? MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : Well , yes , I guess , I remember going to church and the church I attended was up on top of the hill , it was up where the Jefferson Junior High School became and after maybe that was built we had been living in a dorm , we would walk up there . MR . HUNNICUTT : Chapel on the Hill ? MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you find they were from all different parts of the United States ? MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would cMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : I think so . MR . HUNNICUTT : Do you recall , did you have a telephone when you lived in the D house ? MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : It was a one bedroom and a living room and kitchen . The kitchen was half down below ground . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you are telling me about your apartment on Waddell Circle was a two bedroom apartment . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MR . HUNNICUTT : No interstates in those days . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MR . HUNNICUTT : You and George went to meet his father and the rest of his family , where did you get married ? MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MR . HUNNICUTT : So all the years you have lived in Oak Ridge , what do you like best about Oak Ridge ? MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I have never MRS . BANIC : And thank you . [ End of Interview ] [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report :
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MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would come he talked them all into going to midnight mass in Greenville once and I aboutMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I haveMR . HUNNICUTT : Well it has been a pleasure interviewing you and I believe your oral history will benefit someone in the future if they are researching Oak Ridge and I thank you very much for your time . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you stay there full time in a dormitory ? MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you date any while you were in college ? MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you stayed outside until you got word to come into Oak Ridge and then they brought you through the gate , do you recall them giving you a badge at that time ? MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : Oh yes and the government , I don 't remember any , I don 't remember any bills for heat or anything , that was all in the rent we paid . MR . HUNNICUTT : You remember what the rent was . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MR . HUNNICUTT : What about grocery shopping ? MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MR . HUNNICUTT : You were also at Y - 12 is that correct ? What kind of job is that ? Describe that job . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MR . HUNNICUTT : You recall what your job was you did when you were in a lab ? MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you recall how the weather was , was the winters real cold and snowy ? MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : Well , yes , I guess , I remember going to church and the church I attended was up on top of the hill , it was up where the Jefferson Junior High School became and after maybe that was built we had been living in a dorm , we would walk up there . MR . HUNNICUTT : Chapel on the Hill ? MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you find they were from all different parts of the United States ? MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would cMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : I think so . MR . HUNNICUTT : Do you recall , did you have a telephone when you lived in the D house ? MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : It was a one bedroom and a living room and kitchen . The kitchen was half down below ground . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you are telling me about your apartment on Waddell Circle was a two bedroom apartment . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MR . HUNNICUTT : No interstates in those days . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MR . HUNNICUTT : You and George went to meet his father and the rest of his family , where did you get married ? MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MR . HUNNICUTT : So all the years you have lived in Oak Ridge , what do you like best about Oak Ridge ? MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I have never MRS . BANIC : And thank you . [ End of Interview ] [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report :
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MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would come he talked them all into going to midnight mass in Greenville once and I aboutMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I haveMR . HUNNICUTT : Well it has been a pleasure interviewing you and I believe your oral history will benefit someone in the future if they are researching Oak Ridge and I thank you very much for your time . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you stay there full time in a dormitory ? MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you date any while you were in college ? MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you stayed outside until you got word to come into Oak Ridge and then they brought you through the gate , do you recall them giving you a badge at that time ? MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : Oh yes and the government , I don 't remember any , I don 't remember any bills for heat or anything , that was all in the rent we paid . MR . HUNNICUTT : You remember what the rent was . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MR . HUNNICUTT : What about grocery shopping ? MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MR . HUNNICUTT : You were also at Y - 12 is that correct ? What kind of job is that ? Describe that job . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MR . HUNNICUTT : You recall what your job was you did when you were in a lab ? MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you recall how the weather was , was the winters real cold and snowy ? MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : Well , yes , I guess , I remember going to church and the church I attended was up on top of the hill , it was up where the Jefferson Junior High School became and after maybe that was built we had been living in a dorm , we would walk up there . MR . HUNNICUTT : Chapel on the Hill ? MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you find they were from all different parts of the United States ? MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would cMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : I think so . MR . HUNNICUTT : Do you recall , did you have a telephone when you lived in the D house ? MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : It was a one bedroom and a living room and kitchen . The kitchen was half down below ground . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you are telling me about your apartment on Waddell Circle was a two bedroom apartment . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MR . HUNNICUTT : No interstates in those days . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MR . HUNNICUTT : You and George went to meet his father and the rest of his family , where did you get married ? MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MR . HUNNICUTT : So all the years you have lived in Oak Ridge , what do you like best about Oak Ridge ? MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I have never MRS . BANIC : And thank you . [ End of Interview ] [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report :
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MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would come he talked them all into going to midnight mass in Greenville once and I aboutMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I haveMR . HUNNICUTT : Well it has been a pleasure interviewing you and I believe your oral history will benefit someone in the future if they are researching Oak Ridge and I thank you very much for your time . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you stay there full time in a dormitory ? MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you date any while you were in college ? MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you stayed outside until you got word to come into Oak Ridge and then they brought you through the gate , do you recall them giving you a badge at that time ? MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : Oh yes and the government , I don 't remember any , I don 't remember any bills for heat or anything , that was all in the rent we paid . MR . HUNNICUTT : You remember what the rent was . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MR . HUNNICUTT : What about grocery shopping ? MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MR . HUNNICUTT : You were also at Y - 12 is that correct ? What kind of job is that ? Describe that job . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MR . HUNNICUTT : You recall what your job was you did when you were in a lab ? MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you recall how the weather was , was the winters real cold and snowy ? MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : Well , yes , I guess , I remember going to church and the church I attended was up on top of the hill , it was up where the Jefferson Junior High School became and after maybe that was built we had been living in a dorm , we would walk up there . MR . HUNNICUTT : Chapel on the Hill ? MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you find they were from all different parts of the United States ? MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would cMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : I think so . MR . HUNNICUTT : Do you recall , did you have a telephone when you lived in the D house ? MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : It was a one bedroom and a living room and kitchen . The kitchen was half down below ground . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you are telling me about your apartment on Waddell Circle was a two bedroom apartment . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MR . HUNNICUTT : No interstates in those days . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MR . HUNNICUTT : You and George went to meet his father and the rest of his family , where did you get married ? MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MR . HUNNICUTT : So all the years you have lived in Oak Ridge , what do you like best about Oak Ridge ? MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I have never MRS . BANIC : And thank you . [ End of Interview ] [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report :
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MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would come he talked them all into going to midnight mass in Greenville once and I aboutMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I haveMR . HUNNICUTT : Well it has been a pleasure interviewing you and I believe your oral history will benefit someone in the future if they are researching Oak Ridge and I thank you very much for your time . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you stay there full time in a dormitory ? MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you date any while you were in college ? MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you stayed outside until you got word to come into Oak Ridge and then they brought you through the gate , do you recall them giving you a badge at that time ? MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : Oh yes and the government , I don 't remember any , I don 't remember any bills for heat or anything , that was all in the rent we paid . MR . HUNNICUTT : You remember what the rent was . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MR . HUNNICUTT : What about grocery shopping ? MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MR . HUNNICUTT : You were also at Y - 12 is that correct ? What kind of job is that ? Describe that job . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MR . HUNNICUTT : You recall what your job was you did when you were in a lab ? MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you recall how the weather was , was the winters real cold and snowy ? MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : Well , yes , I guess , I remember going to church and the church I attended was up on top of the hill , it was up where the Jefferson Junior High School became and after maybe that was built we had been living in a dorm , we would walk up there . MR . HUNNICUTT : Chapel on the Hill ? MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you find they were from all different parts of the United States ? MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would cMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : I think so . MR . HUNNICUTT : Do you recall , did you have a telephone when you lived in the D house ? MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : It was a one bedroom and a living room and kitchen . The kitchen was half down below ground . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you are telling me about your apartment on Waddell Circle was a two bedroom apartment . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MR . HUNNICUTT : No interstates in those days . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MR . HUNNICUTT : You and George went to meet his father and the rest of his family , where did you get married ? MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MR . HUNNICUTT : So all the years you have lived in Oak Ridge , what do you like best about Oak Ridge ? MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I have never MRS . BANIC : And thank you . [ End of Interview ] [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report :
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MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would come he talked them all into going to midnight mass in Greenville once and I aboutMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I haveMR . HUNNICUTT : Well it has been a pleasure interviewing you and I believe your oral history will benefit someone in the future if they are researching Oak Ridge and I thank you very much for your time . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you stay there full time in a dormitory ? MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you date any while you were in college ? MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you stayed outside until you got word to come into Oak Ridge and then they brought you through the gate , do you recall them giving you a badge at that time ? MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : Oh yes and the government , I don 't remember any , I don 't remember any bills for heat or anything , that was all in the rent we paid . MR . HUNNICUTT : You remember what the rent was . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MR . HUNNICUTT : What about grocery shopping ? MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MR . HUNNICUTT : You were also at Y - 12 is that correct ? What kind of job is that ? Describe that job . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MR . HUNNICUTT : You recall what your job was you did when you were in a lab ? MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you recall how the weather was , was the winters real cold and snowy ? MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : Well , yes , I guess , I remember going to church and the church I attended was up on top of the hill , it was up where the Jefferson Junior High School became and after maybe that was built we had been living in a dorm , we would walk up there . MR . HUNNICUTT : Chapel on the Hill ? MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you find they were from all different parts of the United States ? MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would cMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : I think so . MR . HUNNICUTT : Do you recall , did you have a telephone when you lived in the D house ? MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : It was a one bedroom and a living room and kitchen . The kitchen was half down below ground . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you are telling me about your apartment on Waddell Circle was a two bedroom apartment . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MR . HUNNICUTT : No interstates in those days . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MR . HUNNICUTT : You and George went to meet his father and the rest of his family , where did you get married ? MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MR . HUNNICUTT : So all the years you have lived in Oak Ridge , what do you like best about Oak Ridge ? MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I have never MRS . BANIC : And thank you . [ End of Interview ] [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report :
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MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would come he talked them all into going to midnight mass in Greenville once and I aboutMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I haveMR . HUNNICUTT : Well it has been a pleasure interviewing you and I believe your oral history will benefit someone in the future if they are researching Oak Ridge and I thank you very much for your time . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you stay there full time in a dormitory ? MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you date any while you were in college ? MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you stayed outside until you got word to come into Oak Ridge and then they brought you through the gate , do you recall them giving you a badge at that time ? MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : Oh yes and the government , I don 't remember any , I don 't remember any bills for heat or anything , that was all in the rent we paid . MR . HUNNICUTT : You remember what the rent was . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MR . HUNNICUTT : What about grocery shopping ? MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MR . HUNNICUTT : You were also at Y - 12 is that correct ? What kind of job is that ? Describe that job . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MR . HUNNICUTT : You recall what your job was you did when you were in a lab ? MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you recall how the weather was , was the winters real cold and snowy ? MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : Well , yes , I guess , I remember going to church and the church I attended was up on top of the hill , it was up where the Jefferson Junior High School became and after maybe that was built we had been living in a dorm , we would walk up there . MR . HUNNICUTT : Chapel on the Hill ? MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you find they were from all different parts of the United States ? MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would cMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : I think so . MR . HUNNICUTT : Do you recall , did you have a telephone when you lived in the D house ? MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : It was a one bedroom and a living room and kitchen . The kitchen was half down below ground . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you are telling me about your apartment on Waddell Circle was a two bedroom apartment . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MR . HUNNICUTT : No interstates in those days . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MR . HUNNICUTT : You and George went to meet his father and the rest of his family , where did you get married ? MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MR . HUNNICUTT : So all the years you have lived in Oak Ridge , what do you like best about Oak Ridge ? MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I have never MRS . BANIC : And thank you . [ End of Interview ] [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report :
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MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would come he talked them all into going to midnight mass in Greenville once and I aboutMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I haveMR . HUNNICUTT : Well it has been a pleasure interviewing you and I believe your oral history will benefit someone in the future if they are researching Oak Ridge and I thank you very much for your time . [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Click tabs to swap between content that is broken into logical sections . MR . HUNNICUTT : This interview is for the Center of Oak Ridge Oral History . The date is October 31 , 2012 . I am Don Hunnicutt in the home of Mrs . Earline Banic , 607 West Vanderbilt Drive , Oak Ridge , Tennessee , to take her oral history about living in Oak Ridge . Earline , please state your full name , place of birth and date . MRS . BANIC : July 29 , 1892 , in Gap Creek , South Carolina . He died , he died at 94 , in Travelers Rest , South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I really don 't know . My father was a very smart man to do what he was doing . He wrote very well , he was the treasurer for the Sunday School and so forth at my church and he took care of that very well and took care of his business very well , but I just don 't know about his education . I don 't know what grades he might have gone to because he was up in the way up in the country from there . MRS . BANIC : My mother went to school in Travelers Rest and she went to school as long as she could . Her father was the postmaster and she stayed home to take care of the telephone central system which was in their home and she did that until she married my father and therefore they never had phones there for many years afterward , because she got married and moved away and the central system was there and by the way ; they took that and put it in a garage at our house and a few years ago they realized that that had absolutely rotted away and they were really sorry that they had not preserved that for posterity . MRS . BANIC : I have one brother . Carroll Watson Smith and he lives now 3 miles from our old home and that is now in the Greenwood County . He lives near Furman University . He is 81 . MRS . BANIC : Yes , and he has a degree from Clemson College . He has a master 's degree from North Carolina and he has a Ph . D . degree from Maryland University . MRS . BANIC : My mother never worked until after she was married and went to work at the post office for the postmaster and she did that part time . She was paid by the postmaster himself because he wanted some more time off when it became time for them to have another assistant in the post office , and that was after the war started and my mother took the test and all the people coming home from the war were taking the test and you can imagine , my mother won and she continued in her job . MRS . BANIC : I had a very good school to attend . There was a brand new school from and it had the first grade through the 11th grade . It was all in the same building . The auditorium was in the middle and it was a very beautiful auditorium with an upstairs and we were segregated from the other end of the building and we had all teachers and I took anything that I really needed I guess to get along in this world and I had wonderful , wonderful teachers and they inspired me to , well I don 't think I needed any inspiration to go onto further things . I realize that because my family probably inspired me with all of that and I knew that somehow I would be able to go to college , and my mother that 's when she finally went to work in earnest at the post office when she was paid by the government to work there and so I knew that that 's why she was working in order to send me to college . MRS . BANIC : Winthrop College was the South Carolina College for Women in Rock Hills , South Carolina , and there were 2 , 000 people at this college at that time . All were girls and all were wearing navy blue and white . We had very fine clothes to wear to all the big opportunities to hear wonderful people speak , any of the big things that were at the college we had to dress in our navy blue and white . We had just all white clothes . We had navy suits with blouses and so forth and we all looked very nice and we 're never in there in anything else when we were having big speakers and so forth at our school , but during the day and going to school and we went to school and we had buildings for all the classes . We ate there . That was different for me to be able to eat with 10 or 12 people at a table and to learn more people but we stayed together through a year 's time and we were allowed to go back and get more food if we needed it and they made the ice cream at the college . They had their own diary and they made great big things of ice cream and they cut them in big rounds and we had plenty of nice things for dessert . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you stay there full time in a dormitory ? MRS . BANIC : I stayed in a dorm there and when the war really came to a big head , we had a lot of aviation cadets there and I would wake up in the morning to singing cadets " around her neck , she wore a yellow ribbon , she wore in the spring time " , and all that sort of stuff . Any of the army songs and we heard them and they were already up and at ' em and we were still snoozing away and I had to move from my dorm so that some of them could move into my dorm and I moved into a different one and they used a quadrangle that we had in the walkway and we can stand out and jeer at them if they had done something bad and had to walk that quadrangle where the mischievous stuff during the day ; they were aviation cadets . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you date any while you were in college ? MRS . BANIC : I dated some , I dated one of these cadets and he brought down a car and we even used his car for a while as long as we could use some stamps in order to buy gasoline and I remember sitting in the board to get a new tire , his sister was coming to pick the car up and we had to go and sit in the ration board in order to get a new tire . We had very little money , my mother sent me about $ 2 a week and that was my spending money . MRS . BANIC : A person from Oak Ridge , Tennessee , came to Winthrop College to talk to us about the opportunities here . I had been to Asheville , North Carolina , and I had been to Knoxville when I was very small , we had friends there and we came to visit them but I had never been out to Oak Ridge , but I hadn 't been that far away from home . We always had a couple of cars , maybe never a new one , but my father was so very handy that he would buy old wrecks and fix them up . I never had a license , but I did drive some around near where I live in South Carolina . MRS . BANIC : I had a friend in Spartanburg and she was a music major and you know I visited with her and she had visited me and Spartanburg , South Carolina , is not too far from Greenville . Greenville is just next door and so we met in Hendersonville on the bus and we came to Oak Ridge on the bus . When we first came we had our clothes and everything and we rode the bus up here and we spent the night in Knoxville at the Farragut Hotel and we found our way to the bus terminal that was taking people to Oak Ridge and of course we had heard from them , you know , a little bit about how to get out here . MRS . BANIC : I graduated from college in May and it was shortly after that time . In the meantime , my mother and I had been making me some navy blue things to wear along with the white blouses and so forth because Winthrop was a uniform school and everything should be those colors and so we had already fixed me a whole bunch of clothes to wear . MRS . BANIC : That was two miles from the Elza Gate but they did bring us into Mr . Tunnell building . Mr . Tunnell still owns that same building here in Oak Ridge and he is still alive and doing well . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you stayed outside until you got word to come into Oak Ridge and then they brought you through the gate , do you recall them giving you a badge at that time ? MRS . BANIC : I just know that actually we moved into a dorm near there to begin with because it took some time for us to find out . They wanted to send us to another place but there was a , in fact , they did send us to a dorm which was near Jackson Square now at the time but we didn 't stay there but a very short time . There were people there . Here we were southern girls who had a regular time to go to bed sort of speak and most of the people there were away from home and carousing day and night and I said , " I can 't live here . I got to live with some other kind of people , " so they moved us into a teachers building that housed only Oak Ridge school teachers and that was all as you leave Jackson Square going away and it was down on the Turnpike actually but it was close to the building that we first went to . MRS . BANIC : It was very nice but I came with a girl that was much heavier than I and we had a bunk bed , and of course , I never slept in a bunk bed but I knew that I was going to have to sleep up on the top bunk and we got along real well together and it was different to say the least . It was not like being in a school dorm all those years and we never really live close together in a dorm but we knew each other because Spartanburg was not too far away from Travelers Rest , about 32 miles and so I would visit her and so forth and so I knew something about her . MRS . BANIC : We had to go down the hall to shower and to the bathroom . I remember that much about those dorms . They were all wooden and they were very noisy , if the people wanted to be , and some people were working different hours and that was something that was hard to get accustom to but it didn 't bother us too bad until we sort of made up our mind . I think we did move into one other place for a little while and then we found out that there were houses where we might move . These houses were some of the largest house that they had built for people coming into Oak Ridge was a what they called they had A , B , C , and this was a D house and it was on Venus Road and we got there , they had had bunk beds in there but they had changed and put only six people into the building . She and I had a room together in one of those houses and there were other girls who were college people . We had to make our way as far as we had to make plans for our food and each of us took a week at a time and we cooked for a week , not each of us but two of us , we would cook a week at a time so there were three people , actually three pairs of people cooking . MRS . BANIC : Oh yes and the government , I don 't remember any , I don 't remember any bills for heat or anything , that was all in the rent we paid . MR . HUNNICUTT : You remember what the rent was . MRS . BANIC : No , that is difficult . I imagine that we didn 't , surely we didn 't have a washing machine . No way would we have a washing machine so we had to wash them I guess and they had some large sinks in the utility room and I guess that we took turns washing them and hanging them up . That is so far removed from my thinking . MR . HUNNICUTT : What about grocery shopping ? MRS . BANIC : That was the fun part because we were so close to the street across the Turnpike . Venus Road is not too far from what is now the Oak Ridge Turnpike and we didn 't have to go very far to a store and pretty soon we had friends who had cars . She got a friend right across the street and whom she married . It was a boy that lived across the street and so he would come by in the morning and leave us his car for the day and go to work with somebody else and so if we were , we were all working shift work but if he knew we were off for the day shift , he would bring the car . We not only learned Oak Ridge , we learned all about Knoxville . We can go back and forth in Knoxville . I knew Knoxville like a book and we could get our groceries and do what we had to do . Often times we had to walk over there sometimes to get something we didn 't have and it wasn 't too far and buses then were traveling around through but that was they would go too far away so we didn 't shop for groceries in a bus . We managed somehow . Somebody would have some friend or something who would take us to get groceries , if we didn 't have a car . MRS . BANIC : We worked all three shifts and that was an interesting thing because you had to learn to sleep in the daytime and you have nobody coming in and we were all different . Two of the girls that lived in my house , they worked way down past K - 25 at some place way down in there and they were all , some of them were they worked for , oh mercy , don 't know , they worked for somebody but anyway they were almost engineers . They were really well . They were damn Yankees sort of speak and they had wonderful positions and we were happy to have them because they were entertaining but then we had , it was always somebody to take the joy out of living because she didn 't want chicken and she wouldn 't even be in the house if we cooked chicken and that girl is still alive and lives in Minneapolis now and I will never forget it and many of these people are gone . Many of my friends are gone and some of them would move away far away and we would almost never see them and I only know of three . One lives in Pennsylvania and one lives in Minneapolis and one and that 's about it . MR . HUNNICUTT : You were also at Y - 12 is that correct ? What kind of job is that ? Describe that job . MRS . BANIC : I was put into a lab , a chemical laboratory in one of the buildings in Y - 12 . It was right down from the gate and there we met all kinds of people , which was so different from the people that we had known but we had nice bosses and they took care of us , so to speak , and then we had gentlemen friends in there , they were some of them were from far away and some of them , most of them were far away and so we got to know a whole new group of people . Of all those lives , there 's probably not very many of them around anymore but the boss man was a little bit older and he kept up with us pretty well . MR . HUNNICUTT : You recall what your job was you did when you were in a lab ? MRS . BANIC : Yes . There were interesting things to do . We were working in the uranium processing business and sort of keeping the people who were separating things from one thing from another and we had to put some things with them and shake up through a lot of funnels and then bleed them out whatever they wanted , it would come out . We would take them out and use that and we used a lot of , we had the dark room which we had to dry some of that out and , in a way it was interesting , but you never knew exactly what you were doing . Right then I did not know what we were doing but I knew it had to do with processing some stuff to find out its impurities and so forth and then I went from one place to another building when they built a bigger place and we did some of the same things . I worked in a spectrographic lab for a long time and so therefore we were doing , you know , a different type of processing the material so by then I had found out a little bit I knew we weren 't making fly swatters that 's for sure . MRS . BANIC : You know I really don 't remember an awful lot of that . You know we were still trying to get to the Oak Ridge Turnpike building and there was mud and there was this and that and the other when I first came and I was just glad to be able to get around and to go down to the tennis court dances and a few of those things for little bit of outing after we learned a little bit about the city and what was going on , but I don 't remember an awful a lot . I know there was some other grocery store people , you know people who were in different sections had their own places to shop . Lot of them didn 't go to this big farmer 's market that was up on the about where the Baptist Church and all is now . It was so different then and transportation for a lot of people was nil and they just had to get around as best they could and I remember that somebody lived near us and finally we had somebody to take us to work otherwise we had to ride a bus . MRS . BANIC : I don 't know . It began to get better and we just had to clean our shoes and we had boardwalks to walk on and mostly boardwalks and then by the time we could get across the street when it was muddy there was some more , they put up few more boardwalks so people could walk on the boardwalk and they were just regular plank boardwalks that they put down and you had to stand in line in all the grocery stores where you went , if you wanted some meat you stood forever and ever and they only had meat certain days and you had to know when they were coming and never could you buy any ice cream or anything from anybody that didn 't have the , where - with - all to keep it for a long time . MRS . BANIC : I must have because I had some friends at home who had farms and they had a lot of and they had gasoline ration stamps . In fact we used ration stamps when we were in college . I had some friends who would come and visit me and they had a car and they had tractors and they had other things at home and they would give me some of those stamps in order for us to use in the cars that we rode in with people . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you recall how the weather was , was the winters real cold and snowy ? MRS . BANIC : At times , maybe not so much at night because I guess most of the people were just single people well probably a lot of other people I just don 't remember , I just remember getting on the buses at night and going in and I remember one time at Christmas time ; the first Christmas I was working and I was , I saw that I wasn 't going to be able to go to South Carolina for Christmas . I had been there since May and I thought , " what am I going to do " and so I told them at work I would like to make my way to Knoxville so that I can get a bus to go home and I did just that , I was able to do that and I probably , I was very young so the world was my oyster and I figured that somebody was going to help me along and I did get to go to South Carolina for Christmas and they let me go at work and I asked the bosses if can be absent for a day or two and they said yes . MRS . BANIC : Well , yes , I guess , I remember going to church and the church I attended was up on top of the hill , it was up where the Jefferson Junior High School became and after maybe that was built we had been living in a dorm , we would walk up there . MR . HUNNICUTT : Chapel on the Hill ? MRS . BANIC : No , not the Chapel on the Hill , this is up above the football , the top of the hill , the football field is here now and there was a big building up there and I think that was a school building , that was Jefferson Junior High School back at that time ; it was a junior high school , maybe it was the high school but , yes , it was the high school because I remember that Clinton came to play basketball there once but I wouldn 't go up there and we had come back to the rec . hall on the way back to our dorm when we lived down there . That was after but even before we moved to Venus Road I remember all that earlier , now that I remember . MRS . BANIC : Well , I don 't remember any of the music from then but it was music that we had heard maybe at home or on the radio or something beforehand and when I was in college of course before that I knew a lot of the songs because we had dances every Saturday night . Sometimes we didn 't have anybody much to dance with but we only had to pay 10 cents to go to a movie and then we go onto wherever they were having the dance that night . MRS . BANIC : Well when the war broke out I have been asked many times where were you when everybody else was celebrating , we went to the swimming pool . We didn 't want to get into all the mess . There was a lot of young people here just loads of young people and I remember that we went to the swimming pool . It was fairly warm and we enjoyed that and we gave up all the other stuff just to be out of the way of people because people were so numerous . MRS . BANIC : Yes . There was one up where in the Jackson , one movie house in Jackson Square that I remember and later there was one in Grove Center . MRS . BANIC : Well we went over and watched . I was never a skater and I went over to later on went over to Jefferson and watched them skate once in a while and bowling in Grove Center maybe once in a while and by that time there was a lot of the big swimming pool was built . I don 't remember what year but - - MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember . I don 't remember any at Jefferson . It might have been but I don 't remember that . We were interested in going mainly to , they had some dances there at the Rec Hall and we would go in there and . MR . HUNNICUTT : Tell me about the friends that you made in the neighborhood . Did you make many friends in the neighborhood when you lived on Venus Road ? MRS . BANIC : Well we lived among a lot of young people . There were quite a few boys next door to us and I do know one of those boys that is still alive and is here now and there was a house full of girls across the street and then a house full of boys just to the left of us and we knew our neighbors besides and we lived in that house on Venus Road for and I was the 13th one to get married out of that house . There were some of the girls that already married when I got into the house . They married right away before I got there in June of , in May of ' 45 and those people were interesting people because they were from all over the country and when we got a chance with friends we would go to Knoxville and go to dinner at some of the country clubs with some of our friends and that sort of thing . MR . HUNNICUTT : Did you find they were from all different parts of the United States ? MRS . BANIC : Yes , yeah every place , every place and we did have a few of the girls got married and finally when the Chapel on the Hill was built and one of the girls in our house got married there and then another one and we helped with all the refreshments for the parties and so forth and that was interesting . I met my husband in 1946 and that was a different time for me because here I was a little Southern Baptist from South Carolina and I met a Catholic boy from Pennsylvania . The first boy in Oak Ridge , the first person in Oak Ridge that had a brand new car , he had his name on the list in Pennsylvania and this is the first car that came and it was supposed to be his sister 's car but she didn 't want a car that they sent which was a two tone green fleet line Chevrolet and when he brought a bunch of boys back to his house they had been out . They said how would you like to see a George 's new car , well , my eyes and ears pricked up because I had been riding to Knoxville on a big old bus with the big heater in the middle and having to change buses in Knoxville a couple of times to go where we wanted to eat and back to the movie and this , that and the other and now I had somebody that I could do this all in one car . What a big thing that was but then that was the problem of what is a little girl going to marry , how you are going to explain it to your parents that you met somebody you might marry . I said my mother will never accept him , but you know very a persuasive girl told her that you know this is it , you know accept me and him or not and so I remember when she was in her dying bed , she was hoping that George would come that day and help her because she was very ill and he could pick her up and move her around and my father was getting old at that time and he couldn 't do that . He couldn 't pick her up and I had to tug her around as best as I could and she loved George and even as a matter of fact when Christmas Eve would cMR . HUNNICUTT : Let 's back up a minute to 1945 when the news came out they dropped the bomb Japan where were you ? MRS . BANIC : I was in the lab and that 's the first that I knew about it at all and it was very exciting time for us because by then we realized that we had been doing something for the war effort and maybe a lot of people didn 't really know , all of the people in the lab would work so hard to do what they asked us to do and the first thing I knew they allowed somebody to go out and get some coffee and donuts , so we celebrated . We celebrated the beginning of the war and never , never had we had anything to eat in the lab before , never and that was a fun time for us . MRS . BANIC : I think so . MR . HUNNICUTT : Do you recall , did you have a telephone when you lived in the D house ? MRS . BANIC : What was a telephone ? I had a hard time getting a date with my friend because the man across the street asked me , he said " Earline , George said that he would like to take you out and would you go , " and I said , " Oh yes , I think so too , " and he said , " Well , he can 't come to see you " , and I worked shift and he worked straight days so it was quite a while . Finally he said he can 't get here when you are either working or whatever and it 's too late at night and you are already in bed . " Will you go if I take one of the girls in the house and you go with George . " I said , " Yeah , I guess that will be okay . " So I agreed to go with him for the first time then and as a matter of fact this person married the girl in my house and he is the one that used to come and leave his car with us every day to go shopping in Knoxville and he has just died here in town . MRS . BANIC : It was a one bedroom and a living room and kitchen . The kitchen was half down below ground . MR . HUNNICUTT : So you are telling me about your apartment on Waddell Circle was a two bedroom apartment . MRS . BANIC : One bedroom apartment and the window was there , so that the kids , they loved to watch me cook and they could get down on their knees and look through the window and they wanted George to entertain them . George played the violin and he played for his own amusement , their amusement I guess . Anyway he would get out and fiddle sort of anything for them and they just loved that and we had a little table that was off of the wall . It just folded down off of the wall and so the first chairs we bought , I still have and they are in my back room and they were some little metal chairs that we bought coming in from Knoxville one day and I wouldn 't give those chairs away for anything because that was a purchase we had to have on Waddell Circle . I am sure we bought something else . I am sure we bought a bed and other things but those chairs were something we had to eat on in the kitchen . MRS . BANIC : Well that was interesting because I had to have a Protestant marriage and a Catholic marriage marrying a boy from Pennsylvania , first of all , I went with George to Pennsylvania . We went all the way from here to Pennsylvania . MR . HUNNICUTT : No interstates in those days . MRS . BANIC : Yeah and then of course a nice girl from South Carolina didn 't go to a hotel with a man and that 's a whole new ball game , and so we drove and when we would stop and rest and George would get in the back seat and I would sleep in the front and we 'd take a little nap . I remember on the Lee Highway , here we were trucks going by like this , something terrible but we did sleep a little bit and we made it up there fine . I stayed at his sister 's house who is right next door to his father 's house and of course they were different for me . I even think that George 's father who came from Yugoslavia thought I wasn 't too bad because nobody had been there to cook for him since his wife had been dead , as a matter of fact since I first met George she had died . So I cooked for him on a gas stove which I wasn 't accustom to and I did , you know , everything as best as I could and that was interesting too and finally my sister in law said after we had been there , I had been married to George a little while she said this is ridiculous she said we can all eat together but never did George 's daddy want to come and eat with us , we fixed his food , but he was from the old school and he did not want to bother any of us , and so he ate by himself , but we took food to him from then on . MR . HUNNICUTT : You and George went to meet his father and the rest of his family , where did you get married ? MRS . BANIC : Well , I got married twice , I got married here at the priest house in Jackson Square . The priest lived there at that time and they had a little chapel and they had that fixed up and it was just big enough for three or four people to get in and the priest and me in the little chapel it was a little porch on the F house and something like that but it had a little porch and they enclosed that and so that is where I got married the first time . George took me to the airport and it was on a Saturday , we had a reception over at the Ridge Rec . Hall . When I got to the airport , I took off my going away suit , I knew if I arrived in South Carolina my mother would have a fit and so she , she was okay with me when I got all fixed up and wore another suit and when I got there . MRS . BANIC : No , no , no , he just took me to the airport , dropped me off , stayed with me until the plane landed but I had been going back and forth home to Greenville every time I got $ 20 together . Now you can 't get there from here unless you go to Atlanta , Raleigh and Charlotte to get there . Some friends were here recently and they wanted to go and I said you can 't do that , they said oh , yes , they were going to Knoxville and see if they can fly some other place back to Nashville I said you can 't get to Nashville from here , forget it . MRS . BANIC : Oh , yes , I was still working . I went to my bosses and I asked them if I can have two weeks , I said I am getting married twice . I am getting married here in Oak Ridge and I went to Clinton to get , went to Maddy Hollinsworth who was the county court clerk , she was an older lady , I went to her house and she sat us down and said do you know what you kids , I was 23 and George was a year or so older , do you know what you are doing . Maddy Hollinsworth is something big in Clinton they think she hung the moon and she wanted be sure that we knew what we were doing because she had taken our license home with her so that we can see her after hours because we both couldn 't get there until 5 o ' clock until they left or whatever . So then we went to his home . When I went to Greenville my mother met me and we did the things that we need to , George came on Thursday and of course we headed then to Greenville , South Carolina , to get another license because I was going to get married in the Baptist church in my hometown . My mother 's brother who was a minister was going to marry us , but when I first got there on Thursday night they were having a party for me that night and George had bought me a great big orchid for our wedding in Oak Ridge . I went home and there was this orchid , my mother said , " Take that off , you can 't wear this , " she said , " I don 't want those people to know , " and so we had a huge crowd of people and I didn 't get to wear my orchid from my first marriage but I didn 't get to sleep with George until after we got married in the Baptist church and we scattered all of our friends down in Travelers Rest , which is a small town , and no place much to stay . We scattered them among my mother 's Garden Club and church friends and everybody that I lived with and all of George 's friends that were in the wedding and all that sort of thing and we had a big crowd . MR . HUNNICUTT : I am going to mention some points of interest in Oak Ridge and you tell me what you remember about them . The Oak Terrace Ballroom . MRS . BANIC : Well I knew an awful lot about the Oak Terrace because we ate there an awful lot . After square dances here at Oak Ridge , we had a big contingent who went to the Oak Terrace on Saturday nights to eat and if there had been a big dance upstairs we ate in another room that was upstairs and that was always such a great place to be . We have been to all sorts of dances there . When big name bands came to town and they had quite a few back a long time ago and we , I don 't know for some reason we always went , we both loved to dance and we belong to another dance club here in town and we always danced a lot and round dance that we did everything in those things but being there with all those big bands was just a great thing and they had a place upstairs to eat for people who were around at that time , a real nice dinner place to eat . MRS . BANIC : I don 't remember where we stood , it has been a long time ago . I remember Marie McDonald and all those people who came and the ones who thought that they were going to get to see them and we knew those people and it was always talked about at work . MRS . BANIC : Well I guess they have , well if it had not been for them beginning Downtown rather than Jackson Square , Jackson Square continues to be pretty much like it has been all the time with the bank and there another bank is coming in there . We became a stock holders in the Bank of America and George had to call the man who ran the Bank of America and he said you are going to have to send my money over to Hamilton National Bank . Mr . Mason said , oh he called George , he said George what is wrong with Hamilton , Hamilton National came out of Knoxville and so that was the big bank here at the time and that was up in Jackson Square and he said , " George , what is wrong with our bank , " and George said , " Well , don 't you think when a man gets to buy and be a stock holder in the Bank of America that I need to change my money , " he said , " Yes , George , I think so . " So , he finally sent our money to the Bank of America . MR . HUNNICUTT : So all the years you have lived in Oak Ridge , what do you like best about Oak Ridge ? MRS . BANIC : Well I guess I was married for 53 years and you don 't live in any place that long and not like it , job or no job . But George had a very important job and he liked it so well and he was liked by so many people and I we just would never have left here . I am sure that nobody appreciated his job more and the people that worked for him . I saw a man last night he said , I have never seen any person who was as nice to the people who worked for him , I saw him at the Outback last night and he always tells me he said , George Banic was one of the nicest men I have ever seen and said he was always the same to everybody , never mean or anything to him and said that is , he said George was a real delightful man and I guess that is what we have become over the years and I have enjoyed not only my working friends who are , a lot of them are not around anymore but it has been great to be here and we have not invested in any property or anything but we enjoy the area . We have got Norris Dam and lake for entertainment and we have a little boat up there and we were there on weekends and it was , and we went there even before we got married . We did our courting on the top of the dam so we could look down and see the lights and stuff so that is one of the places where we always go , we call that our place and we are mountain people . I climbed Mount LeConte , I did everything but scale the shale and at 22 or 25 inches snow right now , you can 't even get in the parking lot so I understand today but we , there is another way now to go to South Carolina , we used to have terrible times getting across the mountains at Christmas time but we had a big heavy car other people would be in the ditch and we just went on down the mountain and I think that this is such a picturesque part of the country and all you have to do is walk out in our backyard here and look across and see the mountains behind us and know that this is really God 's world . We have got a little bit of everything . The one thing that I would like to do that I have never MRS . BANIC : And thank you . [ End of Interview ] [ Editor 's Note : This transcript has been edited at Mrs . Banic 's request . The corresponding audio and video components have remained unchanged . ] Your rating was saved . you wish to report :
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I put the jetpack back on the stand . It was early noon , with the sun shining bright , and since I hadn 't put any sun block , my skin burned where the sun light fell on it , and turned a faint red . Faint , but visible . James 's house - or should I say mansion was three storey tall and was now filled with noise . His lawn was big enough to fit three playgrounds in it , and had trimmed grass that was maybe three inches tall . There were also nicely trimmed shrubs along the pathway to the house . There were two gates , one for walking , and the other for driving or flying . I walked to the smaller gate , and found a blue console on the wall . I was going to try to open the gate myself , but the gate opened automatically . There was no one on the lawn , meaning this was an indoor party . I spotted James walking down the stairs , and he seemed to be looking for me too , judging from the way he was glancing around . When he spotted me , he waved me over , and I followed him . I went upstairs and was surprised to see a pool at the end of the hall . Greg said something to Lily , and she nodded . Then she said something to Ray and Sam , and they nodded too . Diana must 've heard , because she seemed to understand too . The reason I wanted to stay in the water , was because it reminded me of my comfy base , in which I had a lot of pools . And I used to spend a lot of time in those pools , because it made me feel calm , ad at peace . Something I wanted to hold on to , after the event . We splashed water on each other 's faces , and spent half an hour playing in the water . It was pretty fun too . The other students preferred to stay out of the pool and dance or play or whatever . Greg and Sam , they wanted to be astronauts , and wanted to explore the galaxy . Lily wanted to live a peaceful live , where she could do her art and live near a beautiful landscape . Diana wanted to build a better system , build a system in which there were no flaws , in which everyone was happy . Ray wanted to become an engineer ; he wanted to build magnificent buildings , building that would be legend . I gave my ambition to be the architect of said buildings of legend , because it seemed funny , me wanting to be , well , me . I felt sad , because of all the ambitions of the people who wouldn 't survive the event . It haunted me , all those beautiful thoughts and minds , would … . Just … be gone . After the event , it was just their memory that survived , and it was up to the survivors to keep it . I felt cold , and the water in my clothes made me feel heavy , but I was familiar with the feeling so it wasn 't too bad . Crazy as it sounds , I actually like the feeling , or should I say the familiarity of the feeling . I spent a lot of time walking around like this in the base , so I was used to it . The others , weren 't . They were hunched , hugging their shoulders and rubbing their arms . Sam disappeared through a door and reappeared with a few towels in hand . Everyone took one and wrapped it around themselves , including me . I tortured my head by rubbing the towel harshly against my hair until it turned from dripping wet to damp . I wiped my face and my arms , and then my neck . I couldn 't do anything about the waist - down part , as the water from my shirt and pant would make my legs wet no matter what , so I let it be . An after party . Great . I didn 't know shit about an actual party , and now there was an after party . What the hell was I supposed to do now ? My eyelids felt heavy . I fought to stay awake . It would not give me any brownie points with the program if I dozed off . Thing was , it looked like I wasn 't the only one who thought this class as extremely boring . So I wasn 't necessarily fighting th battle alone . I tried listening to what the program was saying . I got up and slid my back over one shoulder . I walked out of the class among twenty something students . One of the students had a heavy amount of security implants , like the small thick metal tube that showed from the bottom of his wrist . The skin was white where it met with the tube . I suspected that the boy was from a rich family , as only they could afford implants like that . It also meant that he was the type who expected everything to be handed to him . Thing was , even with his personality , I was probably sure that people worshipped him and did his work for him , even if they got shot down in front of everyone they knew . I made a mental note to stay away from him , and others like him . " No we did not . But that 's because of the fact we were still in class . If you don 't mind me asking , how 'd you get in ? You don 't seem to be the type with high and mighty parents . " I looked around , searching for Lily . I spotted her sitting with a couple of other kids . She saw me at the same time I did , and waved me over . A few of the kids sitting with her looked my way , and one of them said something , then Lily said something in turn . They were three guys and one girl sitting next to Lily . The guy sitting opposite to Lily had curled hair , and wore spectacles that were more edgy , giving it a nicer look . The guy sitting next to him had a nice guy sort of look , and had a fit build . He wore a smile that revealed perfect white teeth . The other girl had black hair that was shoulder length and curled at the end , she looked very attractive , even more than Lily . The guy sitting next to Lily had dark hair longer than most boys and was smirking . Me , I was skinny and barely exercised the past two years . But I did have good hair , and violet eyes that was one of a kind . I also had the personality , which won me more respect than any of the looks . " That competition is meant to pick out geniuses , with high stress tests and competition among millions . Every single one of the winners has achieved breakthroughs in this school that us normal kids can 't even dream of getting . You know what that means , right ? " Diana said . " The start of the year party . We have a party on this weekend , that our group is hosting , to celebrate the start of another year of school . We 've been hosting the party for the last two years , which means after this party , we 're going to be the first ones to be host the start of the year party for three years in a row ! " James said . If they knew that , they wouldn 't be giving me those exaggerated faces right now . Wait , they 're faces would probably be more exaggerated . Which didn 't really seem possible without them turning into cartoons , but eh , I just wanted to make a point . Sounds like he might 've had some really good line that he wanted to throw in , probably making me humiliated in the process . In that case , I was very glad he didn 't get a chance to tell his joke . Unless it sucked , In that case I would 've probably tried to defend him . A buzz sounded across the lunch room , indicating that it was time to eat . I had seen the rules , it said same lunch for everybody , but not same lunch everyday . There was a routine , apparently . White plastic trays appeared a bit above me , hovering down unto the table , making no noise as it touched the table 's surface . The contents were four white , spongy protein cubes , with a coating of molten chocolate . The cubes weren 't placed in a ordered pattern , they were placed in a way that made them look artistic , with a few slant , and at uneven distances from each other . There were what seemed to be different types of candy in the other half of the tray , with no wrappers or anything . Though I don 't have to worry about being fat , because no matter what I do , I cannot convince myself to eat properly . This dish for probably the thing I needed if I wanted to keep fit . I was sure that the plate had everything I needed , all balanced out , only problem was no student actually realized it . I knew because I wasn 't a legitimate student , wait no , I wasn 't a legitimate citizen . The walls were made of solid stone . They were two feet thick . The floors were cold and had dried up leaves and dirt on it . Some slabs of stone were cracked , and had vines and other weeds running through them . I was bare foot , so I could feel the moisture and coldness of the floor . It looked like an abandoned temple , with a broken statue in the middle . I saw old worn down railings that used to be shiny stainless steel once upon a time . The temple was lit up by the light coming through the eight feet tall door and the windows . It was a woman , only she had wings . She would be … what was the term … an angel . Yes that was it , only angels didn 't really exist . She was a mere figment of my imagination , just like the temple around me . " Now that I think about it , something did feel off . It 's this feeling that 's been nagging at me ever since I reached the school . I think I will keep an eye out for anything out of place . " " I will . In Fact , that 's what seems suspicious to me . I mean , come on , why would you let high tech A . Is into the hands of students that seriously screw something up ? And don 't answer that , the question was rhetorical . What can we rely on to be constant in case something happens and we need to think of a plan ? " " True . The A . Is are something we might have to get rid of , as they serve as a major potential threat . We can 't trust the school or anyone working for the school . We can rely on old friends , by currying favor in case we need them to do something , discreetly . We need a few cards up our sleeve , literally , so that if we 're caught off guard , we have something to defend ourselves with . It might be useful to send spy bots after everyone we 've been in contact with and is related to the school to gather information . Information is gold . " " Well , You were a pretty big deal as The Architect , and a major threat to the system . So if someone figured out that you didn 't actually die , they probably would 've tried their best to track you and figure what you were up too . And maybe they found you at the school , a little changed , but still enough of the original that they were sure that it was you , they might 've called the authorities - " " One . The question was rhetorical . Two . It would be impossible to track me down with all the countermeasures I have in place . Three . I was gone for two , fucking years ! " She stepped closer to me . When I didn 't react , she stepped closer . Then when she was a step from me , she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me . Her wings folded around me too . It was comforting , as I don 't get much hugs in real life . I lived alone , and have zero friends , so you can see how many hugs I get . It also helped that I trusted her more than I trusted my creations . She had earned that trust after going through hell and back with me in my time as The Architect . I 'm still The Architect , but everyone thinks I 'm dead , which is actually a good thing , for now . The place turned dark . Then I found myself lying on my couch , curled up . I opened my eyes and I slowly pushed myself to a sitting poition . " Neither . Did you mess around with any of the security systems ? " Better put it bluntly , then try to beat around the bush . I have beaten around the bush in several occasions , and trust me , it can be exhausting . " A little . What 's with all the firewalls ? And the actual systems are military grade , why the hell do you need a military grade security system for such a small house . " I stretched both of my arms , then stood up from the couch . I walked over to the kitchen and opened one of the cabinets . There were plenty of pills that were meant for different purposes , all lined up in small plastic boxes . I took the purple tinted box , and opened it , placing the lid on the counter . I took a pill and placed it on the lid . I walked over to the other side of the kitchen and took a glass . I filled up the glass with water from a tap , then I took the pill and swallowed it , then drank the water . I pushed the door open . Everyone was seated , a few seats were empty . Everyone leaned forward , both hands on the table , waiting for the program to begin teaching . All eyes turned to me , but only for a small period of time . Some eyes remained on me . I walked to the closest empty seat . I sat down . To my left was a blonde with green eyes . She wore a blue blazer over a white shirt , and a jeans . I was going to push for more answers , but the program blared to life in bright blue colors as a hologram up front . The hologram took the form of a woman who resembled a librarian with her spectacles . She was slightly tinted blue , just enough for any to recognize as a program , not an actual person . " You could find geniuses right around the corner that time . But the problem was , with the rise of technology , religion was beginning to fear that people would get too greedy , or we were insulting the gods , and many other worries . Each religion had their own views . The science academies continued to push forward , breaking barriers , and achieving the impossible on a daily basis . So finally , the most violent religion at that time , decided to hijack a nuclear missile and blow up the NASA institute . It didn 't work as the nuclear missile detonated in the silo they had kept it in . However , this sparked a war , a war between religion and science . Things soon turned ugly , people were targeted out in open areas , attacks going back and forth , back and forth , until one day , things had gone too far . Gise , one of the major terrorism groups in the time , even slaughtered thirty thousand people , slicing all their throats and turning an entire city red with their blood , just in spite . So the scientists retaliated , they released a modified virus that killed anything it touched within hours of being infected . " She showed pictures of the virus , it was like a spider , only it had a pointed head , and also had a tail . She showed the victims next , hundreds of people lying dead on fields . Few pictures of them screaming , one of the pictures showing the victims begging for mercy . It didn 't have any audio , but the point was clear by the twisted expressions on their faces . " But the virus evolved beyond its programming . It turned unstoppable , killing trees , animals , even the people with the tags . Nothing could stand in its way . Ninety percent of life was wiped out in three days . " " But why wasn 't life wiped out completely ? How are we still standing here ? All thanks to one great man . His name was Victor . He was able to make a type of nanobot that killed the virus . In order to find out if it worked , he took a leap of faith and tested it on himself . He survived the virus , but not the people . He was killed by a stab wound in the chest . No one knows who did it or why , but we know we lost a great man that day . " " Though he died , the nanobots didn 't . They spread and rampaged against the virus . It took a week for the virus to be exterminated , but that was enough time to annihilate another five percent of the life left on earth . Barely one percent of that was us , the humans . A few species of animals survived , like the dogs and cats . " " Since most of the geniuses were gone , humanity was left to start over , with only 1 million thirty thousand people left out of eight billion . They were all scattered around the world , so they first had to develop communication . Anyone with brains knew how to build a radio , so that was how we were able to keep our heads held high . " " Within a few days , the survivors began to band together , forming factions . Most of the life was gone , but the buildings , structures , and all of man 's creation still stood . In those buildings were computers , computers that held important knowledge . But a major seventy percent of the knowledge was in the people , and those were gone . That turned out to be a major setback for humanity . But people still went forward , carrying the legacies of all the people we had lost . We ended up rediscovering everything that people had already found out . So right now , we are at the stage we were before the event , accelerating forward . But this time , we don 't have any religions , as the concept was lost in the event . All we know of religion is that it 's the reason we 're here and not out there . " " Recently , we found another bit of information about our ancesters that was lost in the event . Before they had computers , they used books to store information . They used to write using the pen , and draw using the pencil . Although you could use a pen to draw and a pencil to write , it 's a bit unconventional . " " The Books they used to write on were made of paper , basically pulp of the bark of a type of tree that was flattened out and dried . The pen uses ink to write , but the pencil uses a mixture of clay and graphite . The graphite smudges on the paper , and the ink gets absorbed . The graphite can be erases with a bit of rubber , but the ink stays on . They were also different types of ink , but we know only of the ball point pen 's ink . " " Why don 't you try using them ? Start with the pencil because you can erase any mistakes and hence you can make your notebook more neat . Start with your name on the first page . " I took the eraser and did my best to make the scribbles disappear . It didn 't completely disappear , as there was the impression it made on the paper . Nothing I could do about that . I took the pencil and tried again . This time , I used slow and long strokes , making sure to apply the lightest amount of pressure on the paper . The D came out looking italic , and had a curl at the top . The A I did smaller , but still in capital form , with a curl at the bottom and top . I used the same style for the I , the E , and the L . Now it came out nice . I smiled and took the pen , sliding off the cap with my index finger and thumb . I followed the lines of all the letters carefully , though it went out of sync in a few places . After I was done , I realized it didn 't look good anymore with the black and blue overlapping , but since I was going to erase the pencil lines it didn 't matter . " I have some practice . I use my computer to paint and sketch . This , right here , is just a thirty second sketch , but you should see the paintings I have at home . " " Damn , that 's a skill I would love to have . But I 'm just limited to science and technology . Basically a geek . But I ain 't just any geek , I 'm the king of geeks . " I looked up , and saw a not - very - pleased program looking at me . I gave my best innocent look and went back to the notebook . When the program wasn 't looking I stuck my tongue out at her . A couple of people who noticed giggled . I stuck my tongue back in , a moment before the program turned around . Nobody answered , each going on their own businesses , pretending as if nothing happened . I had a very strong urge to smile , but by some miracle I was able to keep myself from smiling . Though I wasn 't a hundred percent sure I wasn 't smiling . I walked a bit slower now , as I wasn 't in any hurry to get anywhere anymore . I walked through the obsidian door and into my locker . Grace 's image walked beside me and stopped as I did , but further ahead . She turned around . " Nothing much , just a notebook and pencil , and an info cube . They want to start you off slow , so all you have today is to practice writing and drawing , and record your observations in the info cube . And here 's a little tip , The programs appreciate a little creativity . " " That 's a little odd , isn 't it ? I mean what I broke you or something ? I don 't think they could replace you easily . " " First of all … . I don 't like the idea of being replaced . And I definitely do not like being destroyed , be it by accident or not . And also the encasing of the bracelet is plenty of times harder than iron , so it 's going to be very tough to break . " " Because , if we were only meant for in school purposes , then we are basically no better than a program . They also want us to help in other ways than guiding you to class or to your locker , for example , I could help you with that subject you don 't like , feeling lonely ? I 'll be your best friend , feeling bored ? Why don 't we talk about that hobby that you like . Get it ? " I walked through the image of Grace , and put my bag on the top of the rack . I took an info cube and stuffed into the bag . I put the notebook and pencil next , in that order . Grace 's image disappeared . I zipped my bag and put it on , before leaving the locker . I went through the elevator , and out the front door . The front door wasn 't familiar . I walked to the jetpack stand , took a jetpack and flew back home . I put my hand on the console , waiting for the small blue dot to appear . When it did , I simply pushed the door open , as it was unlocked by the house 's security systems . I threw my bag onto the couch and took my seat beside it . Grace 's image appeared next to the other side of the bag . Her legs were crossed , and she was leaning forward , her hands cupping her chin . " I do . It 's not exactly the same type of emotions humans have because we 're artificial and are very different . But yes , I do have emotions . " There wasn 't any greenery , all of it was concrete , metal , glass , and blue holograms . There wasn 't much sky either , as many buildings too were airborne , blocking much of the view . The rest of the sky that I could see was buzzing with various aircrafts , the traffic of the morning . I walked past lots of buildings until I finally reached my destination . It was the jetpack stand , which had only a few jetpacks left in it . I walked up to the console and put my index finger on it . When I saw the blue triangle form on the screen , I took my finger off and put on a jetpack . I fastened the straps and pulled the hand bars out . I wrapped my hands around the handles , feeling for the silver buttons on them . I pressed the button that met my pinky finger lightly . The clamps unhinged , and I launched into flight . I used the handles to maneuver the jetpack , dodging other fling aircraft in the process . I nearly smashed into a Stad airliner once . It was a brief flight , as it only took minutes to reach the tower . I was somewhere between the 30th and 35th storey , moving at a slow pace . When I was just a few feet from the wall , the glass disappeared , giving me a free path to the inside . I reduced my speed further , and hovered a few inches from the ground . I walked out of the room and headed to the elevator in the center of the corridor that I was walking in . . The elevator was a tube that ran through the entire building , which used artificial gravity to take us down and anti - gravity to lift us up . If there was no power , getting in the elevator meant a steep drop to your death . if you reached your level , then the elevator would make you hover in the air , until you stepped out . Then I started floating downwards , slower than a fall , but fast enough to reach the ground floor in a few minutes . I slowed to a halt a inch above the ground , the glass door opening . I put one foot forward onto solid ground and put the other next . The walls were curved , the entirety forming a perfect circle . The walls were made of metal that gleamed in the sunlight . The double doors were open , and orange light came in from it , illuminating the floor . A few feet from the center of the building , opposite to the door , was the counter , and behind it sat a man with glasses . He was talking to someone through a microphone so he didn 't notice my arrival . " … . fix it . listen , could I call you back later ? … . there 's a new student here . " The man said , pushing a button on his microphone . The man typed something on a holo - keyboard . His eyes widened when he saw the screen . He also looked like he just figured out some riddle of some kind . I leaned over and took it . The texture was smooth , with not one single flaw . It split into two separate cuboids . I held the bottom half while the other half floated an inch or two above the bottom half . Then blue holographic wording appeared between the two cuboids , which read ' Rules While In Premises of Kareone Tech School . ' . it scrolled through all the rules , which was pretty basic common sense . It took two minutes for the recording to end . " It 's a Info cube , it should display all info it 's programmed to . In this case it 's the school rules , and also the directions to your locker . " The man said . I tapped the side of the info cube . The cube split into two pieces . The two pieces floated away from each other . Blue letters appeared in the space between them . I read it , then I gave the cube back to the receptionist . I was in a room that was completely empty , except for a security bot in the corner and a automated vending machine to the wall in my left . Three corridors connected to the room , with metal panels next to each opening showing the sector name . Sector - f was the corridor right in front of me . However , I wasn 't in any hurry so I went to the wending machine . I walked to my locker , slowly eating my chocolate as I went . The lockers were actually huge rooms which stored all the things you would need for both semesters of the year . The doors weren 't really doors as they had no handles , because they couldn 't be slid open . But , if you had the access , then you could walk right through them as if it was thin air . Kinda like magic . It was the sort of thing you would to fool a kid . I passed by twenty different doors before I found my locker . My initials D . D was engraved in bold and cursive strokes . I walked through the obsidian door . They were all sorts of gadgets around . Most of them were for your own lab experiments that were to be conducted as a test at some point . There was also some scrap metal in a box in a corner . There was also emergency food and water that lasted you about a month if you got stuck in here by accident . Thing is , the lockers also served as a panic room , the schools began to notice this about a decade ago when a few troubled students had took refuge in their lockers . So the schools began to take advantage of this and equipped the lockers with life support to support a grown man or woman for a full month in case of an emergency . My essentials was placed in a glass rack . There were a few info cubes , a bracelet that had a info cube tied to it with a white string , a small portable computer with a cavity for hologram representation and a glass screen , spectacles with a white frame and a few memory chips lying next to it . The bracelet piqued my curiosity , so I decided to look at the info cube that was attached to it . I bent down and picked it up , and put it back on the rack . I took the bracelet in my hands and investigated it . It was black , a bit thicker than a wristwatch , and it had a few ports hidden under a few tabs . I put the bracelet on . I picked up the glasses and put it on . Standing in front of me was a teenage girl , she had blonde hair , a athletic figure , and a smile on her face . I pulled the glasses off . The image of the girl only appeared on the glasses , so there was nothing in front of me but a rack and a white wall . " Holograms And Their Uses . You just need one memory chip , the portable computer and an info cube . The first class should be easy , so nothing to worry about . " She said . The demonstration ended with a ' bang ' as the red and orange turned into a flurry that quickly disappeared . The lights came back on . I got of my seat and walked out of the class , rushing past the others . A few students stared at me as I went . " Sure . Just turn around , take a left , then turn at the second right , and walk until you reach the elevator . Then you head to the third level and go to sector - f . from there , you know where to go . " I continued walking . Students buzzed about , either going into the pitch black doors to retrieve their essentials for their next class , or hurrying out of them to get to their class . Some walked in pairs , while others walked in groups of three to five . Others , like me walked alone . I found that people often stared at the ones that walked alone , even me . But some got more attention , probably due to either fame , or something else entirely . I walked at a quick pace , wanting to find my locker faster . That seemed to grab more attention from the students . But I ignored them , wanting to make the best impression on the programs or the teachers . The same programs would take your classes the entire year , and they appreciated good etiquettes . They were programmed to do so , to encourage good behavior among the students . The teachers , well , they weren 't exactly programmed to appreciate good behavior but they sure as hell did . " The pen is a small metal cylindrical thingamajig that you use to write . The pencil is a wooden thingamajig that you use to write . The notebook is what you write on . " " The pencil use graphite and the writing is erasable . The pen uses ink , and it cannot be erased . Keep in mind , it 's not pure graphite , it 's just clay and graphite . " " You 'll find out in class . For now just grab them and get the hell out of here . Oh , I forgot , also get the sharpener and eraser . " I typed in the small keyboard on the corner of the glass . A chute above the rack opened up , and five items fell down . The notebook was blue in color , and had plenty of sheets sandwiched between two thick sheets . The pen , was the silver cylinder . A cylinder on top was detachable , but I didn 't remove it because of the shortage of time . The pencil was yellow , with a pink rubber thing attached to the back with a crushed metal tube . The top was flat , and had a black spot in the middle . The eraser must 've been the soft rubbery white thing . the sharpener was a plastic cylinder with a hole in the bottom . I put all of them into my bag and headed out . No one was left in the corridors , which worried me . I rushed back to the elevator I came from . The elevator opened as soon as I came near , as there probably was no one in it currently . I jumped in . I slowed to a halt . The door opened . I ran out , and headed to the class where I 'd last seen it , hoping that I remembered the directions properly .
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Many things in U - town were new , many other things were invented as we went along , and many things didn 't work . So , we threw them out and tried others , or learned to do without . But one thing was easier than it might have been , which was solving crimes . Punishment was sometimes difficult to figure out , but when there was a mystery , well , we had a detective . The hospital was the center of a lot of things in U - town , and everybody had to work there for at least a half a day each week . I could probably have got myself excused , but I didn 't mind . I usually went on Monday mornings . It had evolved that way because my employer almost always had a meeting then . I tried to make sure that she and I did our hospital shifts on different days , since her idea of " volunteering " usually involved trying to re - organize the whole place . If I 'd been there at the same time , she 'd have tried to suck me into her schemes . I nodded and went through the swinging doors , down the short hall , and into the little pantry . As I poured myself a cup of coffee , I savored the smell . It was always fresh ; too many people drank it for it to sit for very long . A moment later , Mona poked her head in . " I wondered what was taking you so long , " she said . She stepped inside and lit a cigarette , holding the swinging door open with her toe . She couldn 't see out into the waiting room from there , but she could hear if anybody rang the bell on the counter . " Have a good weekend ? " she asked as I rinsed the pot . This was a ritual with us , since I usually worked on Monday mornings . It had been amusing at first , to pretend that " weekdays " and " weekends " were categories that meant very much in U - town . As I say , amusing at first , but I was getting a bit tired of it . However , I gamely played my part . A few moments later , we heard an unexpected sound . It was a deep roar of motors , and also an eerie , howling wail , both growing quickly louder . I knew what those sounds meant , and from her expression , so did she . The motors were unusual , since nobody in U - town had cars , but that howl was unique . Then we heard the bell on the front counter ring three times in rapid succession . I glanced at the counter , to see who had rung the bell , and it was a young aide named Lucy . She shrugged nervously , as if she thought I was going to chide her for bothering us . I smiled , hoping to convey that this was not something she was expected to be able to handle alone . Around a half dozen Jinx had come in , male and female , and the last two were holding the doors open for a man I had met before . He was tall and blond , probably in his late thirties or forties , and his name was Neil . He was carrying another man , with long curly hair . The second man seemed to be unconscious and he was not small , but Neil carried him without apparent effort . Mona turned to Lucy and jerked her head toward the door to the emergency room . Lucy scampered off through the door , and I saw that Neil noted this exchange . His eyes flashed to two of the others as he approached us , and I could see them become tense and poised to move . " A tire blew on his bike , " Neil told her . " He took a bad spill , with a nasty knock on the back of his head , and there 's something wrong with his ankle . I gave him a painkiller , but I 'm no doctor . " He had slowly turned his attention as he was speaking , and by now he was addressing me . " We usually handle our own medical needs , but our most experienced doctor is quite ill with the flu . She is feverish , and in any case she is probably contagious . " He laid the man on the gurney , moving gently and carefully , as the street doors opened again and another Jinx came in . She was short and obviously pregnant , with long blonde hair and a face that gave evidence of recent tears . Her eyes , a striking shade of pale blue , went to the unconscious man , and then to Neil . He was impassive , and she approached us slowly , as if she expected to be reprimanded for being there . Neil ignored her , and she stood waiting . " His name is Felix , " he said to Mona as the other aide , a man named Mark , left with the gurney . " Are there forms to be filled out ? " I was standing behind him , and I shook my head slightly , which Mona caught . I was glad that Mona had taken my lead about the forms . In the world of the hospital , she was staff and I was a volunteer , so of course she outranked me . But she was also aware that I played a role in the government ( which she teased me about whenever there was a problem getting supplies ) , and relations with the Jinx were definitely a diplomatic issue . It was not clear who he was addressing , but Mona replied . " That will be fine . She may have to wait if there are tests , but she can be with him otherwise . " Neil nodded at the woman , and she quickly followed the gurney out of the room . Lucy stayed with us , looking somewhat distracted . Neil and the other Jinx moved into the waiting room and sat down . Lucy , Mona , and I went behind the counter as one of the Jinx got up again and went out to the street . I assumed he was assigned to watch whatever vehicles they had arrived in . It was hard to imagine who would have dared touch a Jinx motorcycle , but I had noticed before that they were very careful . It may seem that we were more intimidated by the Jinx than was warranted . There were two reasons . One was that we knew so little about them . They had arrived right after the founding of U - town , but they kept mostly to themselves . They were highly disciplined , and a couple of other gangs had learned that they would respond quickly and violently to any challenge . Then a nurse named Portugal came out and approached us . She carried a clipboard , and she pointed to it as she asked , " Are we going to get any more information about this ' Felix ' person ? The forms were not filled out properly . " She frowned . " Or , indeed , at all . " She looked at us sternly over her half - glasses . " Neil , " I said , " this is Miss Portugal . " She made a curtsy . " Miss Portugal , this is Neil . " She extended her hand , with the palm down , as if he was expected to kiss it , but he shook it instead . " The evidence indicates that he has a concussion . We believe his ankle is only sprained , not broken . X - rays are being taken of both areas as we speak . After that , as the film is being processed , we will check him into a room where he can rest . Now , purely as a formality , sir , are you to be regarded as his next of kin , or is it the individual who follows him everywhere , weeping ? " " I will make any decisions , " Neil said . " The woman 's name is Dorothy . She 's not with him in the X - ray room , is she ? " He smiled . " Desperately , thank you . I didn 't get much sleep last night . " I moved to pour ( for once , the pot wasn 't nearly empty ) and he said , " Black , please . " " I am concerned for Felix 's life . Not , " he added quickly , " because of your care of him , but because we 've been having some territorial disagreements with a gang called the Scorpions . You may have heard something about it . Felix has been handling a lot of the negotiations , and they have not been going well . It is possible that , especially when it becomes known that he is here and incapacitated . . . " " Two things . A room which is isolated , as much as possible , from the general population of patients . And your acceptance of the fact that we will post a guard , around the clock , and that we are going to exercise reasonable control over access to Felix 's room . " This made sense . I had been wondering , given what Neil had said about security , why there wasn 't a guard on Felix now . But then I realized that Dorothy had been playing that role ( whether she realized it or not ) , and now this other Jinx was going to relieve her while she talked to Neil . Of course , I didn 't mention any of this thinking to Neil . I already knew that the Jinx did not appreciate any interest , no matter how innocent or casual , in their affairs . I described Neil 's request to Mona , who regarded me with resignation ( which was only partly put on ) . " I 'll go see what I can do , " she said . " Make sure nothing happens while I 'm gone , and don 't promise anything to anybody . " Mona left as Dorothy and Neil went to a corner of the waiting room to sit and talk . A moment later , the street doors opened and a large , bearded man in a leather jacket and jeans came in . Neil immediately motioned him over , standing up to shake his hand . Dorothy stood up also , and the new man took her hand for a moment , holding it in his hands as he leaned over to say something to her . Mona had delegated this entire project to me . The initial medical reports on Felix had been positive . It seemed the only real damage he 'd suffered had been a broken ankle , which had already been put in a cast . He had a headache , and he had been given a sedative and a painkiller . After Mona had read the report , she had said , " Marshall , why don 't you deal with this situation , and I 'll run the hospital and heal the sick ? " Neil nodded at these arrangements and turned to Dorothy . " You can stay , if you want , but only on the condition you lie down yourself . " I thought that it seemed typical of Neil to turn even concern about someone into a command . He turned to Lucy . " Are the beds in the other rooms made up ? " She gestured at the room next to Felix 's , at the far end of the short hall . " That one is . I don 't think the others are . " Lucy came out of Felix 's room and asked , " Anything else ? " She turned to Rafe as he and Neil rejoined us . " Would you like some coffee ? " Neil looked around . " This all seems to be squared away . I 'm going to leave now , and and I 'll be taking the rest of my people with me . Much to the relief of the other people in the waiting room , I 'm sure . " " Crisis averted ? " Mona asked as we approached her . I walked around to join her behind the counter , indicating that I was still willing to work for a while . The waiting room was pretty crowded , and I noticed quite a few people filling out forms . She grimaced and rolled her eyes . " Well , " she said slowly , " I know that guy . Felix . We saw each other a couple of times . It was no big deal , but I saw that Dorothy woman looking at me funny , more than once , and I wonder if he told her . About me . " Mona laughed . " Probably not . People sometimes get stupid if they think they 're about to die , but he hasn 't thought he was about to die . " " I need to check on Felix , " he said . This seemed rather abrupt , given that Felix hadn 't been in any danger . Before we could respond , the doors opened again and Jan Sleet limped in . She looked around , spotted me , and moved in my direction . She smiled . " We 've worked together a long time , you and I . We 're connected now . Even across this great metropolis , I could sense your unease . " I regarded her with appropriate skepticism . She patted her dark gray tie , which was perfectly tied of course , and tugged her display handkerchief a bit farther out of her jacket pocket . Her three - piece suit was dark blue , with a pale blue shirt . " Well , " she added as the doors opened and we stepped in , " there was also this message we got at the meeting . Someone ran in and told us that the Jinx had occupied the entire hospital and taken everybody hostage . That seemed like it was probably worth investigating . " " Dead , " he said slowly , his mouth tight . " Murdered . Strangled . " He sighed . " Shit . " He shook himself and said , " Alright . Marshall , have all the exits sealed . I 'm going to - " " Ridiculous , " my employer said sharply as she came into the room . " Do you have any idea how many exits this building has ? Well , neither do I , but there are quite a few . Unless your friend died in the last two minutes there has been plenty of time for the murderer to escape . If escape was even part of the plan . " Neil was not intimidated ; that was obvious . She could be somewhat overpowering at times , but it would have taken something far more impressive than a skinny reporter in a three - piece suit to intimidate him . He was holding his tongue now for a very different reason . The Jinx had expertise in many areas , but Jan Sleet was his best hope of solving this and he knew it , even before her quick deductions about his history and hobbies . I wondered if Dr . Lee , the leader of the Jinx , had sent him back to the hospital , perhaps thinking that his precautions for Felix 's safety hadn 't been adequate . If this was true , and given that he had returned to find Felix dead , I could only imagine how much he wanted to know the murderer 's name before making his next report . I had never met Dr . Lee , but from what I 'd heard I had the idea that she didn 't enjoy getting bad news . " This is not a matter for just the Jinx , or just for U - town , or just for the hospital , " my employer continued after a moment . " We are not the Scorpions , and this is not a territorial matter . Every single person involved , with one exception , wants the same thing . And I am going to be in charge , not because I outrank you in some way , but because I 'm the best equipped to figure this out . " " Two things . Marshall will send somebody to get Mona , and then he will fill me in . Then we will proceed to solve this by using reason and analysis . " " And one more thing , " I said . " Dorothy , who was apparently Felix 's girlfriend or wife , is resting in the next room , or she should be . We need to make sure she 's okay . She 's pregnant , by the way . And then one of us needs to try to revive Rafe . " " We need an aide and a gurney in 407A . Arrange that , and send somebody downstairs to tell Mona that Marshall needs her in 407A , and that it 's an emergency . Be sure they use the word ' emergency , ' and tell them not to embellish . Got it ? " " Then see what you can do to revive that man there , but don 't touch his coffee cup . And have somebody check on the woman in 407B . She 's asleep , she may have been drugged , and she 's pregnant . We 'll be in 407A , and keep us posted . Okay ? " Jan straightened up and covered the body . She limped toward me , saying , " Tell me all . " Neil started to speak , but she flicked up a forefinger . " Wait , " she said , without even looking at him . Over her shoulder , as she approached me , I could see him debate how to respond to this . He decided to comply . " I am not hysterical , Miss Sleet , " she said from the doorway to the next room . " I am Jinx . Is there anything I can do to help ? " The body was gone , and the aide had pulled up the covers , but nobody sat on the bed . We all stood , except for Dorothy . Mona was smoking , and Jan lit a cigarette as she came back into the room . She looked around and spoke to Neil . " I 'd like to ask a question . According to what Marshall has told me , you made arrangements for Felix 's care this morning , and then you left . But then you came back rather abruptly and said you needed to see Felix . May I ask why ? " " Then let me ask you this . If the Scorpions were going to do this , would they do it in this way ? Somehow drug Rafe , wait for him to pass out , and then sneak in to strangle Felix ? That doesn 't seem like their ' style , ' so to speak . " " I don 't think it was the Scorpions , and it has nothing to do with ' style . ' The main reason for them to do it would be to send a message , to us , to the Jinx . It doesn 't send much of a message if nobody knows they did it . " " And why would they kill him and leave me alive ? " Rafe added . " Drug my coffee , even if they could have , and then wait around for me to pass out ? Why not just kill me , too ? " She held out her hand . " My name is Jan Sleet . I 'm investigating the murder of your friend , and I need to hear your story . " " The girl brought me a cup of coffee . Two cups , one for Dorothy . I took both of them . Dorothy was in the other room already , and if she was asleep I was going to leave her alone . " " The problem was that I didn 't have anywhere to put the coffee . Except the floor , and that was kind of dirty . So , I balanced the two cups on the chair , on the seat , and then I looked into the first room across the hall , the one opposite this one . There was a little table there , so I propped open the door and went in to get it . " He looked very serious . " The room is right opposite this one , and I 'd left the door open , so I could see this door the whole time . " " Not long . Maybe a minute or two . There were a few things on the table - an ashtray , a lamp , a couple of other things - that I had to move before I could take the table . " " I wasn 't going to wake her if she was asleep . But she was awake , lying on top of the covers . I told her that the coffee was there . I offered to bring it to her , but she said she 'd come and get it . " " Yes , and we had some coffee . I told her I was sure Felix would be okay . And then , since she was there , I asked if she could watch things while I . . . " He seemed to be searching for a word . She nodded and turned to Neil . " Please take a look at the window , " she said . " Do you think anybody could have got into the room that way ? " He went over and pulled the curtains aside . He looked out , then he took the bottom of the window and tried to raise it . It didn 't budge , and he set his feet , took a deep breath , and tried again , and this time the window came up , slowly . Cold air blew in as he leaned out and looked around . He closed the window and turned to face us . " Could it be done ? Yes . Do I think it was ? No . There is no ledge , no place to stand , and the window is hard to raise . If you had a couple of days to plan , and the right equipment , it would be possible . But , under these circumstances , I can 't see it . Besides , it wouldn 't make sense to drug Rafe if you were going to come in through the window . " He gestured that she should tell it . She pointed at the row of aluminum cabinets on the wall . " As in all of the rooms here , that room has a row of cabinets like these . Locked cabinets . I work in the hospital myself , and I know that these cabinets are always locked . However , the lock on one of those cabinets , the one containing , among other things , sleeping pills , is broken . The cabinet is closed , so it isn 't immediately obvious that it 's broken , but it is . I examined it and my conclusion , which Neil agreed with , was that it was forced , rather than being a result of normal wear and tear . " She lit a cigarette . " I 'm going to throw out a few possibilities , " she said , looking around . " This is just to show how I 'm thinking about this , so it will save time if we skip the protestations of innocence . " One possibility is that Rafe did it . He could have murdered Felix , for some unknown reason , then drugged his own coffee and passed out , giving himself the appearance of innocence . Or Neil could have done it . It would have been a bold and daring move to strangle Felix in the moment before Marshall entered the room . " She shook her head . " That 's probably not possible , and in any case Felix had been dead for at least a half hour . So , I 'd say Neil is eliminated . " But what about Dorothy ? She had the perfect opportunity to drug the coffee . Of course , she could have used the connecting door to get to Felix and then Rafe wouldn 't have seen her . But that would have made it too obvious . And , as I described - " " So , " he continued to Jan , " your premise is that it must have been one of us , one of the Jinx , since we don 't work in the hospital and wouldn 't know how to get into the cabinets . So , either Rafe or Dorothy did it , for some unknown reason , despite the fact that Rafe and Felix were good friends , and Felix is the father of Dorothy 's unborn child . " Dorothy stood up , steadying herself on Rafe 's arm . " We 're leaving , and I don 't think you can stop us . " " Piffle , " my employer said . " You said you wanted to know the answer . Stay and hear it , or not , that 's up to you . Nobody will try to stop you . But don 't try to sway me with talk of long friendships and unborn children . Neither is an obstacle to murder , as I 'm sure you know . But I should mention that none of you is under suspicion of having committed this crime , and you have drawn an entirely incorrect conclusion from the broken cabinet . " " Exactly . It has become somewhat of a tradition in U - town not to label things . Many of our street signs are missing , or they 've been moved to different locations . Quite a few people take the numbers off of their buildings . So , the cabinets are not labeled , but anybody who works in the hospital knows where things are stored . Which is anybody , since we all work in the hospital sooner or later . " Except the Jinx . of course . I believe this is the first time any of you have been in the hospital . And that 's why I 'm sure that , whoever did this , it was not a member of the Jinx . Which means that the broken cabinet was either a coincidence , or it was part of an attempt to frame Dorothy . " However , to be thorough , is it not possible that somebody connected with the hospital told one of you where the pills were ? Perhaps , but very unlikely . This was not a crime with a long time to plan it , since there was no way to know in advance that Felix would even have an accident , or that he would be so seriously injured that he 'd be brought here despite your reluctance to use our medical facilities . And , to carry it to an extreme , you couldn 't even have called somebody on the phone to ask them , because U - town has no telephone service . " Neil was apparently a pretty good judge of human nature , because he didn 't press her . His impatience was obvious , but apparently he had calculated , correctly , that if he tried to hurry her it would only cause her to slow down . She meant it when she said she was in charge , and she was capable of making things very difficult for anybody who tried to challenge that authority . She looked around the room , and her posture and expression told me that this was it . " I 'm going to ask a series of rhetorical questions , of all of you , " she began , " but first I need to ask Dorothy one direct question . Dorothy , I am especially sorry to have to ask this under these circumstances , but it 's a vital part of solving this . Was Felix faithful to you ? " " Wait a minute , " Mona said . " You mean Lucy ? She brought the coffee to Rafe after Marshall left , right ? After he came downstairs ? " Several of us nodded . " But she came down only a couple of minutes after Marshall , long before the pills could have taken effect . Then she was with Marshall and me the whole time after that . She didn 't leave , even for a minute , let alone long enough to come up here and murder somebody . " Jan smiled . " But what 's to say that she murdered him while Rafe was unconscious ? She could easily have done it before . She was the last person in his room , after all . " " For exactly that reason , " my employer said . " Because the fact of the drugging drives you to the inevitable conclusion that the murder followed the drugging , when Rafe was unconscious . That was the only reason Rafe was drugged , to push us in that direction , to make us assume that the murder happened during the time when Lucy had a complete alibi . Felix was dead before she even brought Rafe the coffee . " Mona shook her head , as if she was finding this to be a difficult concept to absorb . I sympathized . This was the thing that had stumped me , once I had realized where my employer was going . Then Mona looked up . " One more thing , " she said . " I 've never strangled anybody , but from what I know I have the idea that it would take a lot of strength . Wouldn 't it have to have been a man ? " " Then it could have been anybody , " Neil said . " With bare hands , that 's one thing , but with a cord and the right type of knot , and the man half - conscious ? Any one of us could have done it . But how did she know we wouldn 't hear it - we were right outside in the hall . " Jan gestured around . " Again , you don 't know the hospital . This is the oldest of the four buildings , with the thickest walls and doors . Patients who are likely to be . . . loud , we always put them here . The ones who scream at night and so on . " " Well , this is somewhat speculative , but Marshall reported to me that Lucy was unusually tense all day , since Felix was first brought in . What if he never told her about you ? What if she thought she was his one - and - only , and suddenly there he was , injured , and accompanied by another woman , and a pregnant one at that ? People have killed each other for less than that . " I don 't know what went through her mind , of course , but I can only imagine how she felt when she saw Neil returning , followed immediately by Jan Sleet . If she hadn 't thought of it before , I 'm sure she was aware at that moment that her only protection against the Jinx was that they didn 't know she 'd done it . And she knew that my employer usually solved the mysteries she encountered . Late that night , in our room , Jan took off her tie and hung it up carefully . She pulled off her vest and shirt , and tossed them over her desk chair . Then I came to steady her arm as she kicked off her shoes and undid her trousers . As they dropped to the floor , she looked over her bony shoulder at me , and I could see her mouth twitch , though she was trying to keep her expression serious .
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When I nervously picked up OJ 's harness handle for the first time in Cork in June 2007 , I knew something special was about to happen . I hoped after a few minutes of walking with him that the trainer would say we were a good match . I can honestly say I 've never instantly connected with any dog like I did with him that day . At the beginning of our training , his trainer described him as such a genuine dog , and that has always been a good description . He 's gentle , affectionate , giddy , clever and charming . He 's obsessed with food , still walks to the left of everything , wags his tail the minute you speak to him , loves barking , loves poking people with his nose to get attention , enjoys swimming , getting groomed , playing fetch and play biting , loves his bed , and adores curling up as close to the fire as he can get until he nearly goes on fire himself . OJ is my favourite dog in the world . I wish I could have him forever . His puppywalkers gave him such an amazing start for the first year of his life . I 'm so lucky that his trainer persevered with his high body sensitivity and got him through the training at just seventeen months old . Other trainers might not have been so determined . I 'm so grateful that she trained him , and even more grateful that she matched him with me . Posted on June 9 , 2017 by ojdoherty 2 I 've become terrible at writing here recently . I 'm in the house doing nothing on a Friday night , which is actually really nice after a busy week of work . I 'm feeling sorry for myself though because Eddie Vedder 's playing in Dublin right now and I had nobody to go with . I 'm really lacking people who like the same kind of music as me and have time to go and hear bands play live . Since it is one of my favourite things to do , it 's really depressing ! So I 'm writing this as a distraction , and of course to write about my three favourite dogs and how they are doing . Sibyl is the youngest and silliest of the lot . If she gets her play time off her lead every week , she 's fine , but if not , I soon know about it . She 's in no real working routine now that I 'm working from home , but it doesn 't bother her at all , and she 's ready to go at any time of the day when I pick up her harness . She still gets a bit too overexcited when we have visitors , and moves her bed , or lifts Dougal 's instead , which is really annoying . I 'm working on preventing this though , and she 's getting better . Her work overall is excellent , and her dog distraction is practically non existent now since she had her glands removed . Dougal is almost ten and a half now , and he hasn 't changed much at all . He likes going for walks if they aren 't too often ! He loves walking with my PA , so she takes him once a week , sometimes with her own dog and they are great friends . Dougal still hates being groomed , and likes attention , but only on his terms . He 'll always be OJ 's buddy , and Sibyl 's housemate . They don 't fight though , and are actually funny to watch together , especially when they take turns chewing the same nylabone , even if there were three to choose from . The main man O . J is in great form these days , after a tough month of not feeling too good . A week before he turned 11 in March , he began limping , and it got pretty bad pretty quick . The vet x - rayed and examined and did blood tests , which confirmed he 's very healthy for his age , but has bad arthritis in his elbow . After weekly injections for a month , and then trying two different types of medication , we finally found a treatment he responded to . He 'll have to take a tablet every day for the rest of his life , but they have made a huge difference , so I don 't mind . Luckily I kept him insured for another year , so the vet can monitor him regularly and I won 't be robbed ! He went from a dog that could barely put his foot on the ground in March , to one with a slight limp , who doesn 't go for long walks anymore , but can still swim in the sea , just minutes from his house , and he still loves it . Posted on August 1 , 2016 by ojdoherty 2 I 've been writing this blog since August 2007 , and I 'm almost sure I 've posted something at least once a month every month since then . I know that 's not many posts in nine years , but the point I 'm making is that I never missed a month . Until now ! Disgraceful ! I did think about this during July , but never sat down to write , so here 's a summery of what I 've been up to . In January this year I became a volunteer with the local Foroige club in our town . I help out with the junior group on a Monday night , and the children are between the ages of ten and thirteen years old . Everybody was very welcoming right from the beginning , but I feel like it has taken me a while to really find my feet , and learn how I can be a help to the children . On second July we spent the day in Dublin at the citizenship awards , because our group had entered a project that they had been working on throughout the year . It was a long and busy day , with lots of noise and food around to distract Sibyl . She was quite sniffy and tried to eat sweets from the ground a lot , which is something we have to work on preventing . Apart from that she was good . The kids won an award for their project , so they all went home happy . The following Saturday I travelled to Dublin again , without Sibyl this time . Myself and my five best friends went to see Beyoncé in Croke Park , which was a present for one of the girl 's 30th birthdays . I 'm not a fan of Beyoncé at all , and honestly didn 't even know how to spell her name properly until we were getting the tickets ! ! The weather was beautiful , I had bought some new clothes , and we all rarely get a chance to meet up without partners or children anymore , so I was happy enough to be there . While a few of us waited for a taxi or bus to the stadium after dinner , a rickshaw drove passed , and I was so excited when the driver said he could take us there . It was such a fun journey , and I hadn 't laughed so much in a while . I said that even if the concert was rubbish , it was worth it for the journey there . The concert wasn 't as bad as I thought . Beyoncé 's voice was amazing , and she seemed very humble and genuine , not what I was expecting . It was a very visual performance with lots of costume changes . Videos were shown each time she went off stage , which I didn 't really appreciate , and she played bits of some songs , without doing the full thing , which I found annoying . It definitely was better than I expected , but I wouldn 't go to see her again . The following weekend Sibyl and I , along with my parents travelled to Liverpool , where we met Nicky and went to a wedding . It was very different from weddings we 'd have at home , but it was good fun and the weather was amazing . I had a chance to meet a friend I hadn 't seen in a few years , and meet her new baby for the first time . We also used the trip as an opportunity to spend a few days in Wales , as Nicky had a friend there who he 'd been promising to visit for a long time . I 'd never been to wales before , but I definitely want to go back . We spent a few days with lovely friendly people , who I liked as soon as I met them . We went to Hereford to meet other friends and their new guide dogs , which Sibyl loved . We went to a seaside town called Barry and had the nicest fish and chips ever ! The children walked Sibyl and bought us two mugs to keep as suveneers . We had drinks sitting outside a pub which had blankets if we got cold . We were spoiled and looked after so well . Hopefully I can return the favour if they come to Ireland next year . Sibyl wasn 't there long enough to really learn her way around , but it was useful to have her , especially in the airport on the way home , when Nicky walked with the assistant and we followed behind . By the time we had landed in Belfast , Sibyl had been to seven different airports , which isn 't bad considering that she went on her first holiday almost exactly one year ago . I wonder how many she 'll have been in by the time she retires ? Of course when you come back from holiday , life just goes back to normal , or what seems to be normal in O . J 's world anyway . We collected him from the vet on Thursday after he had another lump removed . I think this is his forth . I 've lost count . This one was under his tail , and the vet didn 't like the look of it as soon as he saw it . It might be nothing , but he said that if they left it and it grew bigger , removing it could make him incontinent . That would obviously be a nightmare , so removing it was the better option . He had a cone to stop him from itching it , but it was annoying him so we took it off after a couple of days . He 's eating and going for walks and seems lively and happy . It 's the quickest I 've ever seen him recover from anything before . The fact that he 's so fit really does make a difference . Posted on June 30 , 2016 by ojdoherty Reply OJ has been staying in my house for almost a week , and he 'll be here for another one . It 's great having him , even if the house is a lot more hairy ! He 's still his usual silly lively self , maybe more attention seeking towards me than usual . He interrupts me when I 'm typing by poking his nose in my side and lifting my arm up so that I have no choice but to pet him and laugh . Having three dogs in the house is a bit crazy . They don 't go upstairs or into the spare room , so there isn 't exactly lots of space . They work out who sleeps where though , and when I 'm here on my own , you 'd hardly know they were here . I 've worked out a feeding routine in the morning and evening . They all get fed in different places so that they don 't rush their food and go investigating in someone else 's bowl . An ideal morning is when they all do everything they have to do in the run ( the fenced off dog toilet ) in the yard . It 's easier to have to clean it all up at the same time , rather than remembering who went , and who still has to go later on . I would need a never ending supply of dog poop bags ! Dougal is more shy than usual with the two bigger dogs around . I suppose he feels very small , and he can only make himself known by barking . Sibyl has been surprisingly more calm than I thought . OJ , even though he is the oldest , is the one who instigates all the playing , and if I didn 't stop him , I 'd have Labradors running around my kitchen at high speed ten times every day . They were particularly hyper the other day , but when I took them to the park with my PA , they just stood looking at each other . Sometimes I feel like I 'm running dog kennels . I think I could do it no bother if I had more money and more space . It 's a bit crazy round here , but I wouldn 't have it any other way . I hadn 't really planned anything in particular for O . J 's last day being a working guide dog . The fact that we had hailstones was a bit of a surprise . O . J isn 't a fan of miserable weather , so apart from a two minute walk to visit my aunt , we went nowhere . He did get very close to a baby chick when we were there , but was more distracted by the cat than the bird . Technically his final walk in harness was yesterday , when we went to town . He spent an hour in my aunt 's house ( we still call it granny 's ! ) which was the first house he ever visited in town . Now , I 'm sitting here in a quiet house , after leaving the dogs to my parents . O . J has gone to his new home . It 's a place he 's familiar with , and he 's totally happy being there . I think that 's why I 'm not upset like I expected to be . It was hard packing up all his things and leaving his harness behind , knowing that I won 't be putting it on him again . It just doesn 't seem real , and I suppose it won 't until I come back from training in Cork . Now it just feels like I 'm going on holiday and leaving him behind . In reality , his life is just about to become one big extended holiday ! Working with O . J has taught me so much about dogs , about independence , and about getting out there and making the most of everything . He gave me so much confidence , and I was always proud to bring him with me , especially to new places . I could completely trust him , even when he was easily distracted , and he made me laugh every day , even when he was being cheeky . I hope the blog posts I 've written since we started working together have done him justice and described his personality . I 'm so grateful to Irish guide dogs for giving me such a great first dog . I couldn 't have asked for better . Our family has raised just over 20 , 000 euros since O . J came to our town . Hopefully that contributed towards other people having the same opportunities that O . J has given me . I had a detailed conversation with a member of the client services team in Irish Guide Dogs , making sure that they had as much information as possible about what I want in my successor dog . The trainer captured everything during the assessment last May , but there were a few things I wanted to make sure of . It 's a totally different process second time round , because I know what to expect from a dog , and I know what I want . Not that O . J wasn 't a perfect match for me , he definitely was , and I couldn 't have asked for a better dog . I hope my next dog will be very similar regarding work and temperament at least . The appearance and personality will be a nice surprise , that I 'll just have to wonder about until the dog comes . I 've also started praying that it has a name I 'll like , because I have no control over that either . Thinking about this now , a few days later , I know I 'm in a lucky situation . Although it will be difficult working two different dogs so close together , I don 't want to be without one , and going on the waiting - list now will hopefully mean that can happen . I won 't be waiting for a while without a dog . There are people who have to retire dogs suddenly and have no choice but to wait without one . O . J is still happy to be working and does his job very well . He 's healthy and playful and full of fun , which is the perfect way to retire a dog who has worked hard for seven and a half years , and hopefully still has a bit more to do . I don 't want to retire him yet . I still need time to find the best place for him to live , and I think that 's what 's making it difficult at the minute . When I have that organised I 'll be a lot happier , and can enjoy and make the most of our working time together . I want to take O . J to as many things as possible , and blog about these so that I can remember the things we did . I also want to organise a fundraising event for guide dogs . We did one when I got O . J , and I think it would be a small way of thanking the organisation for such a great dog if we did one again before he retires . It would also be a nice distraction , and a positive way of thinking about O . J 's retirement . I just have to come up with a good idea ! So now the waiting will start . I have no idea how long it will take to find a suitable dog . Ideally I 'd like to train in August or September , but it doesn 't work like that , and there 's no guarantee that I 'll even get one this year . I 'm fortunate that I 'm in no major hurry , and although it needs to happen sometime , every month of waiting is another month with this funny , lively scamp of a dog that I have now . Posted on January 15 , 2015 by ojdoherty 2 That is true for myself , O . J , the children and even in some cases the teachers . We visit primary school children a lot less frequently now that my work as a disability awareness trainer is based with transition year students in second level education . It 's interesting and more challenging , but I 'd be lying if I said it was more fun . I 'm lucky to have regular access to the school where I was a past pupil , and the staff are more than happy to have O . J in for a visit . Last week my seven - year - old nephew Danny excitedly rushed into my house after school , looking for a piece of paper and a pen . He wanted to write down the dates I would be free to come to visit his class with O . J this week . He talked to the teacher , and she was happy to have us in on Tuesday . It wasn 't just his class though , it was three classes of seven and eight year old 's , all in the P . E hall , with questions prepared as part of the previous night 's homework . They were as good as gold , considering there must have been about sixty of them in the room . O . J was very quiet too . They loved seeing how my phone works , particularly the ' tap tap see ' app , and the talking colour detector . A few of them told me that their parents know me . Two of their parents were even in my class in school . That made me feel really old . The teachers told me that they learned a lot . Pupils often ask questions that they themselves want to know , but are too afraid to ask . They took photographs , and asked Danny to present me with biscuits and sweets to say thanks , which was a lovely gift that I wasn 't expecting . I allowed the children to pet O . J on their way out of the hall , and everybody left happy . My youngest nephew Harry started in the same school in September , so I decided to call into his class for a quick visit as I knew they 'd be having lunch . I don 't know what I was thinking ! Taking a dog into a classroom of 30 four year old 's , on their lunch - break when their usual teacher wasn 't around was a bit mad ! Harry was delighted and surprised to see me , telling everybody who could hear him above the noise that I was his auntie and O . J was a guide dog . O . J was surrounded by a group of excited children hugging and petting him . I had to watch where his head was as some of them had sandwiches and bananas in their hands . They told me about their dogs and all the dogs they knew . One boy asked what age O . J was , and told me that his dog was ten . By the time we were leaving the class , his dog 's age had been changed to 100 . We were probably only there for ten minutes but it felt like a lifetime ! Posted on November 21 , 2013 by ojdoherty 4 I spend a lot of time on buses . I can 't drive , there isn 't always somebody to bring me places , and there 's no trains anywhere near where I live . People often feel very sorry for me when they hear I have to use buses so much . Okay , some of our local ones must be twenty years old and don 't feel too safe . The trips to work in Derry in the morning weren 't exactly the warmest , but the bus always got me there . I don 't have the luxury of driving a car , so I don 't have a choice . But it 's not as bad as you 'd think . You meet some great people and get to overhear some brilliant conversations ! Bring a dog on the bus with you and the journey definitely gets more interesting . A very helpful staff member at Bus Aras took us to the bus stop nearby to get the bus to Drogheda . I got on and was making my way to a seat when the woman getting on behind me said , " Balbriggan " , as that 's obviously where she wanted to go . The driver said , " what about it ? " before giving her the ticket and laughing . On Sunday evening we got the bus to Dublin airport where we were getting buses home . We were standing waiting to get off at our stop at the airport , and a man started asking about the dogs . He said he smelt the smell of wet dog , and I appologised . They 'd got wet earlier that morning , and although they were dry , the smell was obviously still there . He completely surprised me by telling me that it was okay because he loved the smell of wet dog ! ! When I got on the bus yesterday morning it was very full , and I had to sit half way down , beside a girl who had earphones in and music blaring . I just assumed she 'd seen O . J , so I put in my own earphones and put on some Pearl Jam ( their new albums brilliant by the way ! ) We were coming into Letterkenny and O . J sat up , so I took out my earphones and got him to lie down again . The girl said he scared the life out of her because she 'd actually been asleep when we got on and had no idea that there was a dog beside her . She watched in amusement as many students gave him a quick pet on the head as they got off the bus at the college . Many of them looked surprised to see him there too . He 's usually on the inside of a seat , so many of the new students who sit at the back of the bus haven 't seen him yet . Posted on August 28 , 2013 by ojdoherty 3 I haven 't disappeared off the face of the earth , or my blog hasn 't either , but I thought its time I wrote something . I 'm typing this from my new office , which finally got sorted almost two years after I moved house . The front room was becoming a storage dumping ground , so my sister and brother in law came to Ikea with me last week to get a desk , CD holders and presses to store things . Luckily he loves making up flat pack things , and the room turned out great . Just in time , as I got a transcription job today which means i will spend lots of time in this room during the next few weeks . The deadlines closer than I thought , no pressure ! ! Anyway , as the title suggests , that wasn 't what I wanted to write about . This has been a very busy year for weddings , and Nicky and I have been to three in the last month . OJ only went to one of these last weekend , as unlike the others , it involved a bit of traveling . Robin and Emma got married in Cavan last Saturday . They are friends of Nicky 's , and I 've chatted to Emma lots before , but never actually met either of them . You 'd think meeting the bride and groom the day before their wedding would make the day awkward , but not at all ! I had a brilliant time . The journey to Dublin started early and I was there by 11 A . M . I met up with Nicky and a couple of friends and we got a bus to Cavan . We stayed in the hotel where the wedding was taking place the following day , which made things a lot easier . I spent the day relaxing and meeting lots of new people . Everyone was so friendly and helpful , and the staff at the hotel were great too . There was lots of grass for the dogs , and it was great to have them there to help us get around . On Saturday morning myself and a few of the girls got our hair and makeup done , and OJ lay quietly looking around him during all of this . Staff were great at describing what they were doing and asking exactly what I wanted which was great , since I 'd usually have a family member or friend there when I 'm getting this kind of thing done . As far as accessibility goes , you couldn 't have asked for better at this wedding . Braille readers were offered the wedding booklet in braille when we came into the chapel , and family members were there waiting to guide us to our seats . OJ and I sat in an area in the church which had plenty of room for him , but he still insisted on standing up every time I stood , much to the amusement of the people behind me . Nicky sang as part of the mass , and the music was lovely . You could tell how much effort was put into choosing the pieces . When the bus brought us back to the hotel , guests were entertained by a jazz band . The bride and groom didn 't go off and have photos taken , so it was nice to see them being able to enjoy the afternoon with their guests as well . Dinner was held in a marquee . The food was beautiful and the speeches were heartfelt and enjoyable . The dogs were given bowls of water as soon as we sat down , and waited patiently for their own dinner after ours . We left them in the room for the night . They were happy to sleep while we enjoyed the band , the disco and the sing - song afterwords . There were lots of amazing singers ! I loved the fact that everyone was so friendly , and people introduced themselves during the day and wanted to talk and be friendly . Often at weddings people stick to their own group or table , but on Saturday that definitely wasn 't the case . Its lovely to attend a wedding knowing only a few people beforehand , but feel completely relaxed with everybody and know a lot more by the end ! Its also great to be able to take a guide dog and for that to be totally normal . Nothing was a big deal for anybody . The dogs were just like guests , so OJ will expect the same treatment next time he goes to another wedding ! People offered help if they thought we needed it , but weren 't over helpful . Posted on March 21 , 2013 by ojdoherty 1 I did the annual Irish guide dogs church gate collection last weekend in Buncrana . It was a week later than usual , which meant it took place over St . Patrick 's weekend , which was probably a good thing . Nicky helped with it this year , so it meant that we had another dog for people to see when they passed the gate . We did the usual two masses on Saturday evening , and three on Sunday . There were four masses on Sunday , so Nicky and I went to two different churches which had masses around the same time . The weather was cold and wet , but I 've collected in much worse weather . I know I say this every year , but I honestly can 't get over the generosity of people in our town , whether it 's offering to collect , or donating money . Its a recession , people don 't have much , but we still managed to raise 1 , 924 euros , our highest amount ever ! It means a lot , especially since I am currently the only guide dog owner in the town , so it isn 't exactly a local charity that affects a lot of people here . Apart from an amazing amount of money , collecting was enjoyable , because it was so entertaining . We had lots of friendly chats with people on their way into mass . Some of the comments and things people said included :
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Before you start to read this novel , I would like to say a few words . I decided to use the Backstreet Boys as the group in this story of mine , because they are an inspiration to me . They are the ones who made me start writing . I just feel very comfortable writing about them . I hope you all know , that none of this story is true . Other than a few facts on the group , the rest is pure fiction . The main character in this story is a yong teenage girl named Abigail . I never give a true description of her , because she is not based on anyone . I jsut like that name . I have never met the BSB , and I may never meet them . I don 't know the first thing about the real them , so I made it up . Don 't get mad at me about it either , this is , after all , just a story to entertain an audience . I hope you all understand that . I also hope that you do , in fact , enjoy this story . Prologue Well , here I am again . Back on a plane , headed to God - knows - where . Thank God my dad let me take first class this time . I hate flying coach . To may wierd people trying to talk to me . Last time , some man missed throwing up on me by mearly inches . Ugh . . . What time is it ? How could I have forgotten my watch ? This is already off to a bad start . . . Why don 't I explain a bit more to you about me . See , my dad is this big time producer guy , who gets to fly all over the place , seeking out the , as he likes to call it , " the next big thing " . It drives me crazy . When he 's not home , I 'm all alone . My parents got a divorce when my dad started this job , only because he was never home . I hate my mom for leaveing us . She left the house , and six months later , she sent dad some divorce papers . He tried to talk to her about it , but she wanted to get the divorce anyways , and she didn 't want me . I 'm never going to forgive her for that . So me and my dad live all alone in L . A . , which is pretty cool , compared to the little suburb I used to live in in Georgia . My dad has had this job since I was 11 , and now I 'm 16 . I really don 't look my age , I look like I 'm 18 . People always ask me how old I am , and I can always get into 18 & older movies . . . But I 'm also quite mature for my age . I have to be . I 'm the " woman of the house " . I 've been staying alone at home since I was 11 . Dad has had to travel all over the world , and many times , he couldn 't take me . He doesn 't have any relatives , or a girlfriend , so there was nowhere where I could stay , so I stayed home . It 's not as bad as it sounds . Believe me . . . Well , for the past year , since I am 16 , he decided that it would be ok if I came with him . But dad hasn 't been home all year . I go home every now and then to get clean clothes and stuff . Dad gives me money every month for hotel fees , food , a bit for spending . I don 't stay in the same hotel room as him , because he has to stay alone , he says it 's better for him . I don 't care . I get to spend time with my dad , and I don 't have to go to school . I hated it , and I was no good at school . So , I 've been flying around the world , giving my dad a " teenage girls " point of view on all the groups he goes to see . So far , everyone my dad has chose , have made it big . But not just sorta big , I maen BIG . They 've all had about 3 to 5 number one hits on the Billboard top 100 . It 's fun to see my dad 's groups make it . Well , now I 'm on a plane , I think it 's going to Florida , I 'm not sure . I 've been on so many planes this past year , they all look the same , and they all seem to be flying to the same place . My dad is going to meet me at the airport . He told me that he wanted me to meet this one group that he thought could be his biggest group yet . That 's what he says about everyone , but I really think he meant it this time . He told me that I met them once before , but I was only 13 . I can 't quite remember who they were . . . They had this wied name at the time . It was named after some sort of a store or something . Personally , I thought it was a week effort at finding a name , but I didn 't tell dad . Geez , I wish I could remember them . . . Was it them , or was it that group there with the . . . Oh no . . . It can 't be . . . Them ? ! ? Oh dad , don 't say it 's so . . . Agh . . . I guess I 'll tell you the story . Well , back when my dad was a few years into his career , he told me that he had met a group that he wanted my opinion on . So he took me out of school , and flew me down to Florida . The first thing he did when I got off the plane , was taking me to this buliding where I was to meet thing new group . I was tierd , and I wasn ' tTurn Back Time I got off the plane , and no sign of my dad . Great , he proboly forgot again . I went and got my bagage , all of one bag , which wasn 't big . It was the size of a carry on just to let you all know . It was a lot hotter here then back on the plane . I gotta find my dad and get to the hotel soon . I gotta get out of these clothes and get into something not so hot . I was sitting in front of the airport , and waited for my dad . He still didn 't show up . After about 25 minutes , a limo pulled up right in front of me . Hmm . . . Wonder who 's in that , maybe it 's Matt Damon . . . God he 's hot . . . The driver got out of the limo and opend the back door , I looked in and saw no one . Then the driver walked over to me . I looked around , to see if he was looking for someone else , but he was standing right in front of me . I looked up and saw it was Winston , my dad 's driver . I jumped up and hugged him . " I 'm fine Abiagil , and well , your father is sorry that he could not pick you up , he 's preparing an important meeting , and he would like you to go to the hotel . I am here to drive you there . " He picked up my luggage , without giving me any time to say no , and he went over to the trunk and put them in . I went and sat in the back of the limo , and he went to close the door . Madam , I like the sound of that . I 've been in limos so many times , it was almost like a car for me . I turned on some music , and got myself a drink . I turned on the tv , and went to MTV . One of my dad 's famous groupes were on the screen . I opend the window in between me and Winston . " So , Winston . . . Do you know anything about this group my dad is working with now ? Are they as good as he says they are ? " I asked him . " Well , I have heard them sing , and they are quite talented . I think your father may have hit gold with these guys . " I looked at him , and then back at the tv . " If these guys make it bigger than any of dad 's other groupes , will he be flying all over the place even more ? " Winston looked at me in the rearview mirror , and he sighed . " I 'm afraid so . But , I did over hear your father talking on the phone , and he said that he was going to take you with him a lot more now . He 's even thinking of getting you a job with this group so you can tour with them . " Suddenly , a smile came over my face . " Yep . . . " He looked back at me and smiled . " If your father knew he wasn 't aloud to take you with him , he wouldn 't be doing this . " " Where is my daughter ? " I was beggining to panic . " Why isn 't she here yet ? " I began to pase back and forth through out the room . " Lost in space prboly . " Louisa went back into the room to talk to the guys . She was going to talk to them about doing a little mini concert type thing for " my people " . I like the sound of that . My people . It makes me sound , well , important . Louisa came back out of the room . " Well , the guys agreed to the concert thingy , and they are going to need to warm up a bit . So I scheduald the thing for about three thrity . That gives us about an hour and a bit . Are you going to pick up Abigail from the hotel ? " " No , Winston is going to do that for me . He 's picking her up from the ariport now , and I told him to give her about fourty five minutes , then bring her here . She 'll be here at about three , so she can meet the guys before we do the concert thing . Perfect . " The two of us walked over to the luncheon room . I arrived at the hotel at about 2 o ' clock . I went to the front desk , got my key , and went straight to my room . I have to get out of these clothes soon , or I think I 'll die of heat . I opend the door , and I was faced with the nicest hotel room I have ever seen . It had all of these windows and a bedroom , and a kitchen , and a living room , and the bed was simply huge ! ! ! " Dad has outdone himself this time . . . Wow , even a mini - bar , hmm . . . " I put down my bags in the bedroom , and began to unpack . Dad told me to bring a lot of clothes , he said we 'd be here for a while . I wonder how long he meant . . . I put my stuff in the drawers , and the closet . I decided to get changed into something a litle more to the weather than my jeans and sweater . I went into the bathroom , and changed into a pair of white shorts , and a red one sleeve shirt . I fixed my hair , putting it up messy yet not . It had all these pieces on my face , which is the way I love to put my hair . I came out of the bathroom , and looked around . " What should I do now ? " I asked myself aloud . I went over to the window and looked out . " Yes , right next to a beach . . . Hmm . . . Maybe my dream will come true . . . Naw . " I went over to the living room area , and sat on a couch . I truned on the tv , and went straight to MTV . I love watching music vidoes . Music is my life . I love to dance and sing . I 've just never told my dad about this singing passion of mine . I 'd feel kinda akward . It 's just wierd telling my dad , a big producer for huge groups , that I want to sing . I just can 't pull myself to doing it . A Spice Girls video was on . Say You 'll Be There . I flicked the channel . I turned to a news channel , I sorta can 't stand the Spice Girls . I mean , great with all the girl power stuff and all , but when you 're mostly breast and short skirts , I think I 'll pass . . . Anyways , I was watching the news channel , when I practicaly fell off my chair . Not because of what was on tv , but there was this loud thud at my door . I got up from my chair , and went to see who it was . I opend the door , only to be faced with , none other than Winston . " Time to go ? " " Yeah , your father will be waiting . Let 's not get him mad . " I grabbed my room key and my wallet , and we headed out to see my dad . In the ride there , me and Winston had one of our conversations again . " Well , I got to drive them around town when they met up with your father in , oh , I think it was in Australia in , um , January . They seemed quite nice . The young one is just a few years older than you , you know you two could - " " Winston , please . . . I don 't think that I could possibly ever go out with one of dad 's people . It 'd be too wierd . . . Besides , I have to save myself for Mr . Right . " " Mr . Right ? ! ? Might I just say , that if you ever do find this guy , please tell me . . . People hardly ever find who they 're looking for , but more like what they least wanted . Then they , well , everything seems to work out . " " Me ? ! ? No way , I 'm just using my " man instincts " . . . You know , a girl here and there . . . " I rolled my eyes at him . Men , never thinking with their heads , just their dicks . . . " Eighteenth floor , It 's one big room up there , your dad should be waiting for you when you get there , if not , just walk around . You 'll find him . " I headed into the building turning around one last time to wave bye to Winston . Then I headed for the elevator . The doors closed , and I hit the button for floor eighteen . When the doors opend again , I was greated by my dad . " You 're little girl is fine , and she just wants to remind you that she is now a big girl . . . " Dad chuckled to himself . He put his arm around my shoulders , and lead me to everyone . " You remember Louisa , right ? " He asked me . " How could I forget ? We have the same afliction towards Harrison Ford and Star Wars . " I went over to Louisa and hugged her . She looked at me . " Geez , everytime I see you , you get more beautiful . " I blushed a bit . I don 't really like getting compliments , they always make me blush . " Well , the guys in the group will be doing a sorta mini type concert for the gang , so why don 't I go introduce you before we start ? " My dad asked . " Sure , whatever . " I followed him into the room , where the guys were warming up . I was shocked with what I saw . The five guys I saw three years ago , were now five really hot guys , who all looked really good . They all stared at me when I walked in the room with my dad . " Guys , I don 't know if you remember her , but this is my daughter Abigail . Abigail , this is Nick , Brian , A . J . , Howie and Kevin . They 're the Backstreet Boys . " Oh yeah , that 's their name . . . I still think it 's a bit retarded . . . But I must say they are hot . . . Especially . . . My train of thought was cut short . The guys came over to say hi . They shook my hand , and went back to warm up . " With the looks they have , they are definately going to break a lot of girls hearts . . . " I looked up at my dad . " Do they sound better that three years ago ? " " You 'll be surprised , that 's all I 'm going to say . Why don 't you help me round up everyone ? " " Sure . " Me and my dad went our seprate ways , and went to collect " The gang " . I 've become pretty familiar with everyone , so I 'm practically a part of the family , well , at least that 's what my dad said . . . Someone opend the door , and in walked this whole slew of people . I started to get really nervous . This is our first big thing Donna had set up for us . Ever since she played us for them over the phone . God , this better wok out . We were told that we had to do this concert thingy before we got signed , you know , just to make sure it was really us singing . Ugh . . . Why does it have to be so many people . . . Hey , there 's Frank 's girl . Abigail . Nice name . . . She can 't be much older than Nick . . . " Ok , are you guys ready ? " Frank asked us . " Ready as we 'll ever be . " A . J . answerd . Here goes nothing . I counted off our first song , and off we were . We sang a few songs accapella for everyone , and we sang some with music . Donna was in the corner the whole time . She had this look across her face , almost saying that we had it . She 's always there for us . . . One song left . Accapella . During this song , I looked around the room , and noticed Abigail staring , at me . She suddenly dropped her head , and it looked like she was blushing . I looked away , not wanting to make her get any redder . We finished the song , and everyone clapped for us . It felt real good , hearing all that aplause for us . I could really get used to this . . . Those guys were amazing . I even think Ab 's liked them . She was clapping as much as everyone else , if not more . I went over to the guys , and shook each one of their hands . These guys are going to make it bigtime . I can feel it . Louisa handed me a contract , and right in front of them , I signed it . The guys were so happy . The hugged each other , and hugged me and just about everyone in the room . Their manager Donna came up to me , and we began to talk . " So when do you think the guys can start working ? " " Well , I 'm going to hand these guys over to my friend Lou , he noticed the guys , he just really wanted my opinion on everything . I 'm going to talk to him , but I think he want to start ASAP . There are a few things I would like to talk about first though . Would you mind ? " " Well , see , it 's about my daughter . " Donna leaned in , paying a bit more attention to me . " Well , she doesn 't go to school , and I 'm on the road almost all year . I love it when she comes with me all over the place , but we can never share hotel rooms , and well , I don 't think it 's fair . I know that the youngest in the group Nick , has a younger sister who comes with the guys everywhere . I was simply wondering if it would be possible to ask if Abigail could go on the road with you guys ? I don 't want to impose , but it would help me a lot . " " I 'm going to have to talk to a few people , but we would love to have her as a part of our big happy family . I 'm sure she 'll fit right in . Nick 's sister isn 't always with us , she mostly only comes during the summer . But I 'm sure the two of them will get along just great . Does your daughter have anything in particular she likes to do , I mean as in dancing , makeup , clothing ? She could proboly be a big help to us . " " I think I 'd like that . Would you mind if I took her out this afternoon ? That way I could introduce her to our family and she could get to know everyone a bit , then she could make her decision . " " That sounds great . I 'll go and tell her . " I got up and went straight to Abigail . I sat her down and talked to her about everything , and she was a litlle skeptical about it all , but she said she 'd give me an answer later that day , after she met everyone and so forth . Now , back to the guys . Dad just asked me if I wanted to tour with these guys . I couldn 't sound to exited , so I said ' I 'd think about it ' . Personally , there was nothing to think about . Donna came up to me , and discused the day plan for me , and she decided to take me away from everything right away , so I could meet " the family " . First stop , the guys home building . She introduced me to Lou , and to a few other people on the record company , and then we went out to Nick 's house . She introduced me to B . J . , Nick 's sister . She was so nice . She was only a few months younger than me , but we clicked right away . She ended up comming with us for the rest of the day . I met every one . When we were driving from place to place , B . J . was telling me all these stories on why Nick is " so retarded " , as she likes to say . But she says that all in all , he 's the best big brother anyone could have . Donna brought us to the studio one last time , so I could be properly introduced to the guys . While Donna went to go and get them , B . J . and I talked . " Well , when I go around with them , I do a bit of make - up . They didn 't really need it that much , since they weren 't really doing anything important . But I was told that I 'll get to do more of it as time goes by , now that they 're signed and everything . They 're going to start all this touring . I can 't wait . " " Well , when they 're in Florida , which is mostly where they 've been so far , I get to be with them after school hours . But other than that , it 's only on holidays or during the summer . Other than that I can 't because I have school . " " Oh yeah , school . I don 't really go to school . I 've been going around every where with my dad , so school is not really a priorety of mine right now . I know it may sound wierd , but I just don 't seem to care for it anymore . " " It 's okay . I can 't say I understand , cause , well , I don 't but if you ever want to talk to someone about anything , I 'm the one to call . " We went on and on about everything . From favorite music to Matt Damon . We knew that when Donna came back , it was time to get to know the guys . Donna lead us to a room on the floor . Inside this massive room , were the guys , all in a natural state . There was a few couches , a table , a kitchenet , two huge windows , a tv , a cd player , everything . Nick and Brian were on the couch playing video games , Kevin was on another couch reading a book , Howie was at the table talking to A . J , who was sitting on the counter of the kitchenet . We walked in the room , and the guys heads turned . A . J . hopped off the counter . " Well , in case you don 't remember , I 'm A . J . , and these are the guys . " He opend his arms to the room . " Hey B . J . , come to bug your brother ? " B . J . just smiled , and walked over to Nick , who was deep into his video game . She stood in front of the tv . " Oups . . " She hit the power button on the vide system . Nick threw his control in the air and fell back on the couch . " I was just about to beat Brian at tennis for once . Why did you do that ? " " So you could meet my friend . . . " She pointed over at me . Him and Brian quickly got off the couch , and came right over to where I was standing . " Sorry for my brother and his half witted friend for not comming any sooner to say hi . They were playing with their little toy over there . . . " B . J . started . " You guys have to make Abigail feel right at home , she may end up spending a lot of time with us . . . " Then she left the room . When Donna left , Nick and Brian jumped back on the couch , and they started to play another game of tennis . B . J . rolled her eyes at her brother 's actions , but took them as nothing . She lead me to the corner of the room where the cd player was , and we fliped through the cd 's . " Do you have Boyz II Men 's II cd there ? " I asked , hoping that they did . " Um , I think so . . . Ah , here it is . " B . J . poped it into the machine , and let the cd , play through . By the time the song , I 'll Make Love To You came on , all the guys were sitting at the table , talking about who - knows - what . Suddenly , they broke out into the song . They sang it so well , I couldn 't help but stare at them . B . J . turned off the cd , and they kept on going . When they were done , we got up to congradulate them on a well job done . " Thanks , " Howie said politly . " Why don 't you sit down , let 's find out a bit abou you . " So I took the offer , and I sat down . " So why don 't you tell us a bit about yourself ? Like how old you are , where you live , what you like to do for fun , then we can all tell you about us . " Nick asked . " Ok . . . " I breathed in , and started . " I 'm 16 years old , and I used to live in Dalton Georgia , but dad and I moved to L . A . when he got this job . But , we don 't really live there anymore . I 'm always on the road with dad , but every now and then , I go home to get some clothes and just to check up on things . I used to saty home all by myself when I was younger , but not anymore . See , my mom and dad got a divorce when I was eleven . That was just when dad 's job started . So , I was stuck all alone in a house , sometimes for weeks at a time , as an eleven year old . I think of it more as a living experience , I 've learnt how to take of myself . Now . . . What I like to do for fun ? Um , anything that has to do with music , dancing or the beach . Anything else you guys would like to know ? " The guys looked at each other giving the what - do - I - say - now kinda look . " Nope , I think that that was enough for now . If you are going to be spending more time with us , like B . J . , we 'll get to know you . . . Have no doubt about that . " Kevin said . " Yeah , and don 't be shy . Think of us , as five big brothers . Don 't be afraid to talk to us . " Brian said reasuringly . I smiled at all of them . " Now , about us . . . " Everyone went on telling me a bit about them selves . More Turn Back Time could not pick you up , he 's preparing an important meeting , and he would like you to go to the hotel . I am here to drive you there . " He picked up my luggage , without giving me any time to say no , and he went over to the trunk and put them in . I went and sat in the back of the limo , and he went to close the door .
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" This story begins when I was a child : I was born poor . Often we hadn 't enough to eat . Whenever we had some food , Mother often gave me her portion of rice " . While she was transferring her rice into my bowl , she would say " Eat this rice , son ! I 'm not hungry . " This was Mother 's First Lie . As I grew , Mother gave up her spare time to fish in a river near our house ; she hoped that from the fish she caught , she could give me a little bit more nutritious food for my growth . Once she had caught just two fish , she would make fish soup . While I was eating the soup , mother would sit beside me and eat what was still left on the bone of the fish I had eaten ; my heart was touched when I saw it . Once I gave the other fish to her on my chopstick but she immediately refused it and said , " Eat this fish , son ! I don 't really like fish . " This was Mother 's Second Lie . Then , in order to fund my education , Mother went to a Match Factory to bring home some used matchboxes , which she filled with fresh matchsticks . This helped her get some money to cover our needs . One wintry night I awoke to find Mother filling the matchboxes by candlelight . So I said , " Mother , go to sleep ; it 's late : you can continue working tomorrow morning . " Mother smiled and said " Go to sleep , son ! I 'm not tired . " This was Mother 's Third Lie . When I had to sit my Final Examination , Mother accompanied me . After dawn , Mother waited for me for hours in the heat of the sun . When the bell rang , I ran to meet her . Mother embraced me and poured me a glass of tea that she had prepared in a thermos . The tea was not as strong as my Mother 's love , Seeing Mother covered with perspiration ; I at once gave her my glass and asked her to drink too . Mother said " Drink , son ! I 'm not thirsty ! " This was Mother 's Fourth Lie . After Father 's death , Mother had to play the role of a single parent . She held on to her former job ; she had to fund our needs alone . Our family 's life was more complicated . We suffered from starvation . Seeing our family ' sShare F What is LOVE ? - a Heart Touching Story ' How long will you be poring over that newspaper ? Will you come here right away and make our darling daughter eat her food ? ' I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene . My only daughter Sindu looked frightened . Tears were welling up in her eyes . In front of her was a bowl filled to its brim with Curd Rice . Sindu is a nice child , quite intelligent for her age . She has just turned eight . She particularly detested Curd Rice . My mother and my wife are orthodox , and believe firmly in the ' cooling effects ' of Curd Rice ! I cleared my throat , and picked up the bowl . " Sindu , darling , why don 't you take a few mouthful of this Curd Rice ? Just for Dad 's sake , dear And , if you don 't , your Mom will shout at me ' I could sense my wife 's scowl behind my back . Sindu softened a bit , and wiped her tears with the back of her hands . ' OK , Dad . I will eat â € " not just a few mouthfuls , but the whole lot of this . But , you should . . . ' Sindu hesitated . ' Dad , if I eat this entire Curd Rice , will you give me whatever I ask for ? ' ' Oh sure , darling ' . ' Promise ? ' ' Promise ' . I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine , and clinched the deal . ' Ask Mom also to give a similar promise ' , my daughter insisted . My wife slapped her hand on Sindu 's , muttering ' Promise ' , without any emotion . Now I became a bit anxious . ' Sindumma , you shouldn 't insist on getting a computer or any such expensive items . Dad does not have that kind of money right now . OK ? ' ' No , Dad . I do not want anything expensive ' . Slowly and painfully , she finished eating the whole quantity . I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child eat something that she detested . After the ordeal was through , Sindu came to me with her eyes wide with expectation . All our attention was on her . ' Dad , I want to have my head shaved off , this Sunday ! ' was her demand ! ' Atrocious ! ' shouted my wife , ' a girl child having her head shaved off ? Impossible ! ' . ' Never in our family ! ' my mother rasped . ' She has been watching too much of television . Our culture is getting totally spoiled with these TV programs ! ' ' Sindumma , why don 't you ask for something else ? We will be sad seeing you with a clean - shaven head . ' ' No , Dad . I do not want anything else ' , Sindu said with finality . ' Please , Sindu , why don 't you try to understand our feelings ? ' I tried to plead with her . ' Dad , you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Curd Rice ' . Sindu was in tears . ' And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for . Now , you are going back on your words . Was it not you who told me the story of King Harishchandra , and its moral that we should honour our promises no matter what ? ' It was time for me to call the shots . ' Our promise must be kept . ' ' Are you out your mind ? ' chorused my mother and wife . ' No . If wacebook 101 Reasons why I LOVE YOU and No Reason For Hating ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 1 . I love the way we finish each other 's sentences . 2 . I love the way I know you 'll never give up on me . 3 . I love the fact that I wouldn 't ever give up on you . 4 . I love th . . . e way you look at me . 5 . I love how beautiful your eyes are . 6 . I love the way I can 't imagine a day without you in my life . 7 . I love the way if we were ever separated I wouldn 't know how to go on . 8 . I love the way we cuddle and watch sunsets together . 9 . I love the way we sometimes stay up all night , then watch the sunrise together . 10 . I love how I know you 'll always be there when I need you to be . 11 . I love the fact that I will always be there for you too . 12 . I love how when I dream of my life partner , the only person I can see is you . 13 . I love how complete I feel when I am with you . 14 . I love how our bodies just fit together . 15 . I love the way you make me laugh . 16 . I love the way you laugh . 17 . I love the way you won 't compromise yourself when we are together . 18 . I love the way you won 't let me compromise myself . 19 . I love your thoughtfulness . 20 . I love your tenderness . 21 . I love your ability to speak without saying a single word . 22 . I love the way we glance at each other across the room and know what each other is thinking . 23 . I love the way , how even though we may be miles apart I still feel like you 're right here with me . 24 . I love the way you surprise me with the perfect gifts that show you pay attention to me . 25 . I love the way you 'll watch a sporting game with me even though you may not be interested in it . 26 . I love the way you treat my friends . 27 . I love your love for the things that interest me . 28 . I love the way you let me live my life freely without jealousy . 29 . I love how you demand respect but are not controlling . 30 . I love how I would do anything in this world to make you happy . 31 . I love how you would do anything in this world to make me happy . 32 . I love the way your voice sounds over the phone . 33 . I love the way your voice sounds when you whisper sweet nothings in myShare F " Mom and Dad , I 'm coming home , but I 've got a favor to ask . I have a friend I 'd like to bring with me . " " Sure , " they replied , " we 'd love to meet him . " " There 's something you should know , " the son continued . " He was hurt pretty badly in the fighting . He stepped on a land mine and lost an arm and a leg . He has nowhere else to go , and I want him to come live with us . ! " I 'm sorry to hear that , son . Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live . " " No , Mom and Dad , I want him to live with us . " " Son , " said the father , " you don 't know what you 're asking . Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us . We have our own lives to live , and we can 't let something like this interfere with our lives . I think you should just come home and forget about this guy . He 'll find a way to live on his own . " At that point , the son hung up the phone . The parents heard nothing more from him . A few days later , however , they received a call from the Delhi police . Their son had died after falling from a building ! they were told . The police believed it was suicide . The grief - stricken parents flew to Delhi and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son . They recognized him , but to their horror they also discovered something they didn 't know , their son had only one arm and one leg . The parents in this story are like many of us . We find it easy to love those who are good - looking or fun to have around , but we don 't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable . We would rather stay away from people who aren 't as healthy , beautiful or smart as we are . Thankfully , there 's someone who won 't treat us that way . Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family , regardless of how messed up we are . upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs who arranged a running competition . The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower . A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants . The race began … Honestly , No one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower . crowd yelled statements such as : " Oh , WAY too difficult ! ! ! " " They will NEVER make it to the top . " " Not a chance that they will succeed . The tower is too high ! " The tiny frogs began collapsing . One by one . Except for those , who in a fresh tempo , were climbing higher and higher . The crowd continued to yell , " It is too difficult ! ! ! No one will make it ! " More tiny frogs got tired and gave up . But ONE continued higher and higher and higher . This one wouldn 't give up ! At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower . Except for the one tiny frog who , after a big effort , was the only one who reached the top ! THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it ? A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal ? It turned out . That the winner was DEAF ! ! ! : : Moral of the Story : : Never listen to other people 's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic . because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you - the ones you have in your heart ! Always think of the power words have . Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions ! Therefore , ALWAYS BE POSITIVE ! Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams ! Always think : God and I can do this . . . A baby boy David was born to a certain family . The mum was so excited that she hardly put him down . One day she left him sleeping and went to the garden . When she was there , the house caught fire and she ran back home as first as possible to save her only son . People tried to stop her but they didnt succeed . She went in and found the baby untouched . Unfotunately her hair caught fire as she was going out and she started burning . It was very bad for the rest of her life because she had to live with a scar . The boy grew up and became very rich and shifted to town . But in the real sense , he was ashamed of his mother 's scars . When people asked him , he would say , " l dont have someone so ugly in our family as my mother " . One day his mum overheard how his son was telling people and she was very disappointed . she decided to travel to town to explain to his only son what had happened and the reason behind her ugliness . But unfortunately , the bus she was traveling with , got an accident and the mum died instantly . The boy heard of the news , and felt very happy . He then rushed to the village and found people sad . He just passed them and went direct to her mothers room to search for important documents . He was shocked to find her Mom 's oldest DIARY BOOK written , DATE : 5th Sept 1980 . I was announced the WINNER MISS TORONTO BEAUTY CONTEST . DATE : 14th Jan 1982 . My husband Tonny Gates on passed away in road accident and left me six months pregnant . DATE : 2nd July 1983 . I saved my only son David from a fire and I ended up loosing my hair while scars left on my face . David felt too bad and started crying , but it was TOO LATE ! TOO LATE ! PLEASE NOTE : Never try to Abuse or Ignore you Parents . They are a blessing to us and you will cry when they are gone . Now , U have two thing to choose . 1 . To SHARE this story to friends . OR2 . IGNORE as nothing has happened . God is watching you . Press LIKE & write , " I LOVE YOU MOM " if you truely love her . . . available in rest of the country . It is great place if the kids think school is fun since there are no teachers and no classes . It could be a big challenge if the kid wants to compete with other kids from bigger towns of North East not to talk about the Delhis and Kolkatas could easily end up blaming the " environment " ( wow , I got another " E " ! ) . The quota system in engineering colleges for each state is a breather but being in top 20 is all you can do to get into any good engineering college . This kid was lucky ; he had good fun with the challenge and made it to one of those colleges . Challenge 3 : Good news ! He is in a bigger city . Bad news there is 100 , 000 other kids like him who have similar desire to succeed . To have fun with the challenge , he doesn 't worry too much about the other 99 , 999 . only speak English fast ! ) . Employers also like integrity and ethics . Employers will like you if they can see if you can take responsibility which might come from a " can do " attitude . Importantly employers will like if you have the ability to perform the job . They might train you too but you need to be honest . you ( they might have taught you but it is Your learning is important ) . Three or four years in college are those good time to brush that up or take professional help . Unfortunately I didn 't have organisations like KRC to help me out so it took me more than 4 years in college to understand what communication is really made up of . do employers really want from their employees ? They want them to be smart and hard - working and understand their own growth path as the company grows . They want what is called Intrapreneurs - An Internal Entrepreneur . An Intrapreneur is someone who works like a business owner inside a company and who thinks the company he / she works for is their own . They have a shared vision on how their contribution adds up to every bit . I can tell you it is a good fun to be ranked top among those engineers when working for such a large MNC . Only way is to have a good attitude - one which has Intrapreneurship added to it . has been a short journey for this engineer kid . He had successes and learnt from his failures . On his path he met many difficulties and lot of helping hands . He feels he is the king of the world ! Almost . lands up in a foreign land with no visible similarity in people , food or language ( I did tell you English is not everything ! ) . Fun part is being from North East India is an advantage ! We are all so different there in such a small landscape . Being from India helps too but depends if one had the opportunity to explore other cultures . Challenge 10 ( Not so Final Challenge ) : Senior employees who have long experience will be mature enough to handle pressure scenario . That is why they are in those top positions . Problem is this kid is ambitious and that is where control over one 's emotions is going to take him to the next level . Yes , he will not get the same " environment " he grew up in but it will be something that could change his life and of many others whom he calls family and friends . Point one 's strengths and weakness is the most important thing . Get professional help when you can otherwise the rest of those 99 , 999 will catch up and you will be part of those not so top kids . Whatever it is , it is important to know that success is an interesting and intriguing journey , not a destination It had been raining for more than a week , so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy . She called and said she was coming up . It was the third time she came up to see me that week . I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven - eleven . She was standing there alone , carrying her red umbrella . Her friend had dropped her off . It was raining and she was it was the rain , all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home , not caring about who just passed by . We waited and waited , she looked at me innocently . Being together for so long , of course I knew what she meant . I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat were living in the same apartment building , on the same floor . Back then there were four of us , and we got along well . We would always eat dinner together , watch movies , and sometimes go camping . We were more like a family , but I didn 't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four . Maybe it was during the last year of college , having living together for two years , we developed deep feelings for each other . After she graduated she went back home , and I stayed for one more year to finish school . During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays , but never for long . That was how we kept the treasured relationship . We were walking along the side of the road . She was in front of me and I was right behind her . Her umbrella had a broken spoke . She looked liked a wounded soldier , carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly . Many times , she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing , drifting off the road , she almost got hit by the cars passing by . I wanted to just take her in my arms , but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach , I did nothing . On the way , we passed by the park where we use to always go . She begged and said , " Lets go in the park just for a little while please , I promise I 'll go home right after this . " With wanted to leave . She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something . I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago . If I remember it right , it said , " Chris and Susan was here , Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate . Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day , always loving each other , forever . " She was looking around for quite a while , then she came I didn 't care , and said , " Can we go now ? " I opened up my big black umbrella , she was just standing there , didn 't want to leave yet , hoping there was still a chance . She said , " You made up the story of you and that other girl didn 't you ? I know I frustrate you sometimes , but I 'll change , can 't we start over ? " I didn 't say a word , just looked down and shook my head . After that we just kept on walking towards the train station , didn 't say a word to each other . Four years ago , the doctor said I had cancer , but it was found early , so it was still curable . Thinking that it was okay , I started living my normal life again , and even forgot about the cancer . I didn 't think about the cancer took an X - ray . The picture came out and there was a big black spot , which proved the truth that I did not want to believe . I was at the most glittering part of my life , but it was coming to an end . I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible , so I decided to commit suicide . But I couldn 't let people find out about my intentions , especially Susan , the person I love the most in this whole world , who still doesn 't know about the truth . Susan was still young , she shouldn 't have to go through this . So I made up some stories and lied to her . It was a cruel thing to do , and it broke her heart , but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years 's feelings . I didn 't have much time , because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually . But now I 'm close to succeeding , this drama would soon be over . Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end , that was what I had in mind . The train had stopped running so I called didn 't talk , just nodded lightly , and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street . Out in the rain , we became two single life forms , one red , one black , so far away from each other . I opened the door for her and she got in , then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever . I stood by the car , staring in the dark window , at the first love in my life , also the last one , walking out of my life . The car started , driving into the street . Finally I couldn 't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer , waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi , because I knew , this would be the last time I see her . I wanted to tell her I still love her , I wanted to tell her to stay , I wanted to tell her so much , but the taxi had already turned in the corner . Warm tears kept falling down my face , blended with the cold rain drops . I was cold , not because of the rain . I was cold inside . She left , and I didn 't get anymore of her phone calls even until today . I know she didn 't see my tears , because they were washed away by the rain . I left without regrets . But I 'm not Chris , I 'm that girl Susan , using my memory , and his diary I found after one year since he left , writing down these last words . could this have happened to me ? " she would plead , her heart knotted with anger , but no matter how much she cried , protested , ranted or prayed , she knew the painful truth that her sight was never going to return . A cloud of depression hung over Susan 's once optimistic spirit . Just getting through each day was an exercise in frustration and exhaustion . And all she had to cling to was her husband Mark . Susan felt ready to return to her job , but how would she get there ? She used to take the bus , but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself . Mark volunteered to drive her to and from work each day , even though they worked at opposite ends of the city . ' Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again ' he admitted to himself , but just the thought of mentioning it to her made him cringe , she was still so fragile and so angry . ' How would she react ? ' he admitted to himself again . Just as Mark predicted , Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again . " I 'm blind ! " she responded bitterly " How am I supposed to know where I 'm going ? I feel like you 're abandoning me " . heart broke to hear these words , but he knew what had to be done . He promised Susan that each morning and evening he would ride the bus with her , for as long as it took , until she got the hang of it . And that is exactly what happened . He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her , and save her a seat . He made her laugh , even on those not - so - good days when she would trip exiting the bus , or drop her briefcase . Each morning they made the journey together , and Mark would take a cab back to his office . husband and her best friend . Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty , his sincerity , his patience and his love . She said good - bye , and for the first time , they went their separate ways . Monday , Tuesday , Wednesday , Thursday , each day on her own went perfectly , and Susan had never felt better . She was doing it and she was going to work all by herself . him " Why do you say that you envy me ? " The driver responded " It must feel so good to be taken care of and protected like you are " . Susan had The driver answered , " You know , every morning for the past week , a fine looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus . He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building . Then he blows you a kiss , gives you a little salute and walks away . You are one lucky lady " . of happiness poured down Susan 's cheeks . For although she couldn 't physically see him , she had always felt Mark 's presence . She was fortunate , so fortunate , for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight , a gift she didn 't need to see to believe , the gift of love that can bring light where there had been darkness . You don 't love a woman because she is beautiful , but she is beautiful because you love her . On my wedding day , I carried my wife in my arms . The bridal car stopped in front of our one - room flat . My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms . So I carried her into our home . She was then plump and shy . I was a strong and happy bridegroom . This was the scene of ten years ago . The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water . We had a kid , I went into business and tried to make more money . When the assets were steadily increasing , the affections between us seemed to ebb . She was a civil servant . Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time . Our kid was studying in a boarding school . Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy . But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes . Dew came into my life . It was a sunny day . I stood on a spacious balcony . Dew hugged me from behind . My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love . This was the apartment I bought for her . Dew said , " You are the kind of man who best draws girl 's eyeballs . " Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife . When we just married , my wife said " Men like you , once successful , will be very attractive to girls . " Thinking of this , I became somewhat hesitant . I knew I had betrayed my wife . But I couldn 't help doing so . I moved Dew 's hands aside and said , " You go to select some furniture , O . K . ? I 've got something to do in the company . " Obviously she was unhappy , because I had promised her to go and see with her . At the moment , the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me . However , I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it . No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her , she would be deeply hurt . Honestly , she was a good wife . Every evening she was busy preparing dinner . I was sitting in front of the TV . The dinner was ready soon . Then we watched TV together or , I was lounging before the computer , visualizing Dew 's body . This was the means of my entertainment . One day I said to her in a slight joking way . " Suppacebook Govind Jaiswal , 24 , the son of an uneducated rickshaw puller in Varanasi , had grown up with cruel taunts like ' However much you study , you will still be a rickshawpuller . ' He had studied with cotton stuffed in his ears to drown the noise of printing machines and generators below his window in a poor neighbourhood where small workshops existed cheek by jowl with tiny residential quarters . He had given Math tuitions to supplement the paltry sum his father could afford to send him each month . His ailing father had sold a small plot of land to give Govind about Rs 40 , 000 so that he could move to Delhi which would provide him a better place to study . Throughout his life , he had lived with only one dream - to become an officer of the Indian Administrative Service . For him that was the only way . And when he broke the news to his family , that he was ranked 48 among 474 successful candidates in his first attempt at the exam - it was the turn of his three sisters and father to weep with unbridled joy . I could not afford to have any other career goal . My life would have been absolutely futile had I not made it into the civil services , " says Govind , just back from his medicals in New Delhi , mandatory for the IAS . " You must understand that my circumstances were such that besides the Civil Services , I had no option . I didn 't have much of a chance with lower government jobs because they are mostly fixed , neither could I start a business because I had no money . The only thing I could do was work hard at my studies . " It was almost impossible for him to study in the one room he shared with his family . To add to his woes was the power cut that extended between 10 and 14 hours every day . The moment the lights went out , he had to shut the window to block out the deafening noise of generators in the many workshops around his home . So in search for a quiet place to study , he briefly shared a friend 's room at the Banaras Hindu University . Since that did not help him much , he did what many civil services aspirants in noShare F There is a story about a man who sold hot dogs by the roadside . He was illiterate , so he never read newspapers . He was hard of hearing , so he never listened to the radio . His eyes were weak , so he never watched television . But enthusiastically , he sold lots of hot dogs . His sales and profit went up . He ordered more meat and got himself a bigger and a better stove . As his business was growing , the son , who had recently graduated from college , joined his father . something strange happened . The son asked , " Dad , aren 't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way ? " The father replied , " No , but tell me about it . " The son said , " The international situation is terrible . The domestic is even worse . We should be prepared for the coming bad time . " The man thought that since his son had been to college , read the papers , and listened to the radio , he And his sales started coming down rapidly . The father said to his son , " Son , you were right . We are in the middle of a recession . I am glad you warned me ahead of time . " since 1997 and has composed the scores to over fifty feature films . He rose to fame in the late 1990s and 2000s , scoring numerous animated films , in addition to his live - action collaborations with directors Doug Liman and Paul Greengrass . His 2010 score for the film How to Train Your Dragon earned him his first Academy Award nomination at the 83rd Academy Awards . Share F then asked the group once more , " Is the jar full ? " By this time the class was on to him . " Probably not " , one of them answered . Good ! he replied . He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand . He Once more he asked the question , " Is this jar full ? " " No ! " the class shouted . Once again he said , Good ! Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim . A poor boy loved a rich girl . One day the boy proposed her . Then the girl said , " listen ! your monthly salary is my daily hand expenses . Should I be involved with you ? How could you thought that ? I will never love you . So , forget me ' n get engaged with someone else of your level . " But somehow the boy could not forget her so easily . 10 years later . One day they became face to face in a shopping center . The lady said , " Hey ! you ! How are you ? Now I 'm married . Do you know how much is my husband 's salary ? Rs . 2 lac per month ! Can you imagine ? ' n he is also very smart . " The guy 's eyes got wet with tear by hearing those words . After few minutes her husband came before the lady could say something to the guy , her husband started to say by seeing the guy . " Sir ! You here ? Meet my wife . " Then he said to her wife , " I 'm going to assist a project of sir , which is of Rs . 200 crore . ' n do u know a fact ? Sir loved a girl but he didn 't get her . That 's why still he is unmarried . How much lucky the girl was . Isn 't it ? Now a days who can love like that way ? " Moral : Life is not so short . So , don 't be so proud of yourself and damn others . . . Situations change with time . Every one should respect other 's love . SHARE IT . . IF YOU LIKE IT . . ! ! Follow Most Watched Today on Facebook and You Will Always Have The Best Online Videos I Need You For My Whole Life . . U are My HeartBeat . . . Still Loving U A Conversation with a teen boy and girl . They 've started talking again , they 've broke up for 3 months . Girl goes online on Facebook chat Boy - Hey , I 've been thinking about you alot . I really missed you . You were all I Thought About , I was going crazy . I Miss you no one can replace , your spot . Babe , please . I Need you and only You Girl - Doesn 't type anything . Re - reads the message over and over again . She feels her heart melting Boy - Babe . . . . Sends her this song , " Big Sean , Love Story " Boy looks through his window , Trying to hide his tears from her . Girl - May I Come In ? Boy - Yes . . . Girl - Walks slowly to his laptop , notices tears on the side of his Keyboard , and looks at his tabs . The Boy Had Her Facebook page opened and just that . Looks over to the side notices the boy on Boy - Stops and stares at her , a big smile comes to his face . You sing so beautiful , I dont think no else 's voice could ever compare to yours . You sing really beautiful . I really missed you . I Spent all night thinking about you . I Didn 't sleep at all . I Felt like i couldn 't breathe cause you were away from me . I Want . . Girl - You back . I Spent all night , I Havent slept ever since . I Miss you . Boy - I thought you didnt want me , I thought you didnt want to talk to me . Girl - I Did . I Missed you more than anything in this world . There was not one day where you werent off my mind . Boy - Then why didnt you try to talk to me ? Girl - I Was waiting for you to do that . Boy - Can you sit next to me ? Girl - Walks over to boy and sits next to him rests her head on his shoulder . trys her best not to fall asleep Boy - Stares at her admiring her beauty . Smiles , puts his arm around her & whispers in her ear while girl is asleep " I 'm never gonna let Father was a hardworking man who delivered bread as a living to support his wife and three children . He spent all his evenings after work attending classes , hoping to improve himself so that he could one day find a better paying job . Except for Sundays , Father hardly ate a meal together with his family . He worked and studied very hard because he wanted to provide his family with the best money could buy . Whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them , he reasoned that he was doing all this for them . But he often yearned to spend more time with his family . The day came when the examination results were announced . To his joy , Father passed , and with distinctions too ! Soon after , he was offered a good job as a senior supervisor which paid handsomely . Like a dream come true , Father could now afford to provide his family with life 's little luxuries like nice clothing , fine food and vacation abroad . However , the family still did not get to see father for most of the week . He continued to work very hard , hoping to be promoted to the position of manager . In fact , to make himself a worthily candidate for the promotion , he enrolled for another course in the open university . Again , whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them , he reasoned that he was doing all this for them . But he often yearned to spend more time with his family . Father 's hard work paid off and he was promoted . Jubilantly , he decided to hire a maid to relieve his wife from her domestic tasks . He also felt that their three - room flat was no longer big enough , it would be nice for his family to be ablt to enjoy the facilities and comfort of a condominium . Having experienced the rewards of his hard work many times before , Father resolved to further his studies and work at being promoted again . The family still did not get to see much of him . In fact , sometimes Father had to work on Sundays entertaining clients . Again , whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them , he Share F A man went to a barber shop to have his hair and his beard trimmed as always . He started to have a good conversation with the barber that attended him . They talked about many things and various subjects . Suddenly , they touched on the subject of God . The barber said : " Look man , I don 't believe that God exists as you say . " " Why do you say that ? " asked his client . " Well , it 's so easy , you just have to go out in the street to realize that God does not exist . Tell me , if God existed , would there be so many sick people ? Would there be abandoned children ? If God existed , there would be no suffering nor pain . I can 't think of loving a God who permits all of these things . " The client stopped for a moment , thinking , but he didn 't want to respond so as to cause an argument . The barber finished his job and the client went out of the shop . Just after he left the barber shop he saw a man in the street with shaggy , long hair and a beard ( it seems that it had been a long time since he had his cut , and he looked so untidy ) . Then the client again entered the barber shop and he said to the barber : " You knowwhat ? I think barbers do not exist . " " How can you say they don 't exist ? " asked the barber . " I am a barber and here I am . " " No ! " the client exclaimed . " They don 't exist ; if they did there would be no people with shaggy , long hair and beards like that man who walks in the street . " " Ah , barbers do exist , " said the barber . " What happens is that people do not come to me . " " Exactly ! " affirmed the client . " That 's the point . God does exist . What happens is people don 't go to Him and do not look for Him . That 's why there 's so much pain and suffering in the world . " Halfway around the world , I 'm sure , positive , that there 's someone holding more pain in his heart than I hold in mine , & he suffers much more than I do . My lungs ! They 're still full of air ! Even the air is encouraging me Look at you ! ! You 're courageous enough to get yourself killed and say goodbye to nice things in life , as the moon , the stars , the sky , food , music , people … How could a living person with a beating heart between his lungs get separated from these things ? That needs a high degree of bravery , so how couldn 't you have the courage to face your problems and try to solve them ? & Remember , mate , God is the one who gave you life , so he would Like any good mother , when Karen found out that another baby was on the way , she did what she could to help her 3 - year - old son , Michael , prepare for a new sibling . They found out that the new baby was going be a girl , and day after day , night after night , Michael sang to his sister in Mommy 's tummy . He was building a bond of love with his little sister before he even met her . The pregnancy progressed normally for Karen , an active member of the Panther Creek United Methodist Church in Morristown , Tennessee In time , the labor pains came . Soon it was every five minutes , every three , every minute . But serious complications arose during delivery and Karen found herself in hours of labor . Would a C - section be required ? Finally , after a long struggle , Michael 's little sister was born . But she was in very serious condition . With a siren howling in the night , the ambulance rushed the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St . Mary 's Hospital , Knoxville , Tennessee The days inched by . The little girl got worse . The pediatrician had to tell the parents there is very little hope . Be prepared for the worst . a burial plot . They had fixed up a special room in their house for their new baby but now they found themselves having to plan for a funeral . Michael however , kept begging his parents to let him see his sister . I want to sing to her , he kept saying . Week two in intensive care looked as if a funeral would come before the week was over . Michael kept nagging about singing to his sister , but kids are never allowed in Intensive Care . Karen decided to take Michael whether they liked it or not . If he didn 't see his sister right then , he may never see her alive . She dressed him in an oversized scrub suit and marched him into ICU . He looked like a walking laundry basket . The head nurse recognized him as a child and bellowed , Get that kid out of here now . No children are allowed ! ' The mother rose up strong in Karen , and the usually mild - mannered lady glared steel - eyed right into the head nurse 's face , her lips a firm line . ' He is not leaving until he sings to his sister ' she stated . Then Karen towed Michael to his sister 's bedside . He gazed at the tiny infant losing the battle to live . After a moment , he began to sing . In the pure - hearted voice of a 3 - year - old , Michael sang : The Miracle of a Brother 's Song . The medical staff just called it a miracle . Karen called it a miracle of God 's love . NEVER GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE . LOVE IS SO INCREDIBLY POWERFUL . In God We Trust ! ' The evidence of God 's presence far outweighs the proof of His absence . ' Me : God , can I ask You a question ? God : Sure Me : Promise You won 't get mad . . . ... ... . . . God : I promise Me : Why did You . . .
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" This story begins when I was a child : I was born poor . Often we hadn 't enough to eat . Whenever we had some food , Mother often gave me her portion of rice " . While she was transferring her rice into my bowl , she would say " Eat this rice , son ! I 'm not hungry . " This was Mother 's First Lie . As I grew , Mother gave up her spare time to fish in a river near our house ; she hoped that from the fish she caught , she could give me a little bit more nutritious food for my growth . Once she had caught just two fish , she would make fish soup . While I was eating the soup , mother would sit beside me and eat what was still left on the bone of the fish I had eaten ; my heart was touched when I saw it . Once I gave the other fish to her on my chopstick but she immediately refused it and said , " Eat this fish , son ! I don 't really like fish . " This was Mother 's Second Lie . Then , in order to fund my education , Mother went to a Match Factory to bring home some used matchboxes , which she filled with fresh matchsticks . This helped her get some money to cover our needs . One wintry night I awoke to find Mother filling the matchboxes by candlelight . So I said , " Mother , go to sleep ; it 's late : you can continue working tomorrow morning . " Mother smiled and said " Go to sleep , son ! I 'm not tired . " This was Mother 's Third Lie . When I had to sit my Final Examination , Mother accompanied me . After dawn , Mother waited for me for hours in the heat of the sun . When the bell rang , I ran to meet her . Mother embraced me and poured me a glass of tea that she had prepared in a thermos . The tea was not as strong as my Mother 's love , Seeing Mother covered with perspiration ; I at once gave her my glass and asked her to drink too . Mother said " Drink , son ! I 'm not thirsty ! " This was Mother 's Fourth Lie . After Father 's death , Mother had to play the role of a single parent . She held on to her former job ; she had to fund our needs alone . Our family 's life was more complicated . We suffered from starvation . Seeing our family ' sShare F What is LOVE ? - a Heart Touching Story ' How long will you be poring over that newspaper ? Will you come here right away and make our darling daughter eat her food ? ' I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene . My only daughter Sindu looked frightened . Tears were welling up in her eyes . In front of her was a bowl filled to its brim with Curd Rice . Sindu is a nice child , quite intelligent for her age . She has just turned eight . She particularly detested Curd Rice . My mother and my wife are orthodox , and believe firmly in the ' cooling effects ' of Curd Rice ! I cleared my throat , and picked up the bowl . " Sindu , darling , why don 't you take a few mouthful of this Curd Rice ? Just for Dad 's sake , dear And , if you don 't , your Mom will shout at me ' I could sense my wife 's scowl behind my back . Sindu softened a bit , and wiped her tears with the back of her hands . ' OK , Dad . I will eat â € " not just a few mouthfuls , but the whole lot of this . But , you should . . . ' Sindu hesitated . ' Dad , if I eat this entire Curd Rice , will you give me whatever I ask for ? ' ' Oh sure , darling ' . ' Promise ? ' ' Promise ' . I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine , and clinched the deal . ' Ask Mom also to give a similar promise ' , my daughter insisted . My wife slapped her hand on Sindu 's , muttering ' Promise ' , without any emotion . Now I became a bit anxious . ' Sindumma , you shouldn 't insist on getting a computer or any such expensive items . Dad does not have that kind of money right now . OK ? ' ' No , Dad . I do not want anything expensive ' . Slowly and painfully , she finished eating the whole quantity . I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child eat something that she detested . After the ordeal was through , Sindu came to me with her eyes wide with expectation . All our attention was on her . ' Dad , I want to have my head shaved off , this Sunday ! ' was her demand ! ' Atrocious ! ' shouted my wife , ' a girl child having her head shaved off ? Impossible ! ' . ' Never in our family ! ' my mother rasped . ' She has been watching too much of television . Our culture is getting totally spoiled with these TV programs ! ' ' Sindumma , why don 't you ask for something else ? We will be sad seeing you with a clean - shaven head . ' ' No , Dad . I do not want anything else ' , Sindu said with finality . ' Please , Sindu , why don 't you try to understand our feelings ? ' I tried to plead with her . ' Dad , you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Curd Rice ' . Sindu was in tears . ' And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for . Now , you are going back on your words . Was it not you who told me the story of King Harishchandra , and its moral that we should honour our promises no matter what ? ' It was time for me to call the shots . ' Our promise must be kept . ' ' Are you out your mind ? ' chorused my mother and wife . ' No . If wacebook 101 Reasons why I LOVE YOU and No Reason For Hating ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 1 . I love the way we finish each other 's sentences . 2 . I love the way I know you 'll never give up on me . 3 . I love the fact that I wouldn 't ever give up on you . 4 . I love th . . . e way you look at me . 5 . I love how beautiful your eyes are . 6 . I love the way I can 't imagine a day without you in my life . 7 . I love the way if we were ever separated I wouldn 't know how to go on . 8 . I love the way we cuddle and watch sunsets together . 9 . I love the way we sometimes stay up all night , then watch the sunrise together . 10 . I love how I know you 'll always be there when I need you to be . 11 . I love the fact that I will always be there for you too . 12 . I love how when I dream of my life partner , the only person I can see is you . 13 . I love how complete I feel when I am with you . 14 . I love how our bodies just fit together . 15 . I love the way you make me laugh . 16 . I love the way you laugh . 17 . I love the way you won 't compromise yourself when we are together . 18 . I love the way you won 't let me compromise myself . 19 . I love your thoughtfulness . 20 . I love your tenderness . 21 . I love your ability to speak without saying a single word . 22 . I love the way we glance at each other across the room and know what each other is thinking . 23 . I love the way , how even though we may be miles apart I still feel like you 're right here with me . 24 . I love the way you surprise me with the perfect gifts that show you pay attention to me . 25 . I love the way you 'll watch a sporting game with me even though you may not be interested in it . 26 . I love the way you treat my friends . 27 . I love your love for the things that interest me . 28 . I love the way you let me live my life freely without jealousy . 29 . I love how you demand respect but are not controlling . 30 . I love how I would do anything in this world to make you happy . 31 . I love how you would do anything in this world to make me happy . 32 . I love the way your voice sounds over the phone . 33 . I love the way your voice sounds when you whisper sweet nothings in myShare F " Mom and Dad , I 'm coming home , but I 've got a favor to ask . I have a friend I 'd like to bring with me . " " Sure , " they replied , " we 'd love to meet him . " " There 's something you should know , " the son continued . " He was hurt pretty badly in the fighting . He stepped on a land mine and lost an arm and a leg . He has nowhere else to go , and I want him to come live with us . ! " I 'm sorry to hear that , son . Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live . " " No , Mom and Dad , I want him to live with us . " " Son , " said the father , " you don 't know what you 're asking . Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us . We have our own lives to live , and we can 't let something like this interfere with our lives . I think you should just come home and forget about this guy . He 'll find a way to live on his own . " At that point , the son hung up the phone . The parents heard nothing more from him . A few days later , however , they received a call from the Delhi police . Their son had died after falling from a building ! they were told . The police believed it was suicide . The grief - stricken parents flew to Delhi and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son . They recognized him , but to their horror they also discovered something they didn 't know , their son had only one arm and one leg . The parents in this story are like many of us . We find it easy to love those who are good - looking or fun to have around , but we don 't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable . We would rather stay away from people who aren 't as healthy , beautiful or smart as we are . Thankfully , there 's someone who won 't treat us that way . Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family , regardless of how messed up we are . upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs who arranged a running competition . The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower . A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants . The race began … Honestly , No one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower . crowd yelled statements such as : " Oh , WAY too difficult ! ! ! " " They will NEVER make it to the top . " " Not a chance that they will succeed . The tower is too high ! " The tiny frogs began collapsing . One by one . Except for those , who in a fresh tempo , were climbing higher and higher . The crowd continued to yell , " It is too difficult ! ! ! No one will make it ! " More tiny frogs got tired and gave up . But ONE continued higher and higher and higher . This one wouldn 't give up ! At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower . Except for the one tiny frog who , after a big effort , was the only one who reached the top ! THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it ? A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal ? It turned out . That the winner was DEAF ! ! ! : : Moral of the Story : : Never listen to other people 's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic . because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you - the ones you have in your heart ! Always think of the power words have . Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions ! Therefore , ALWAYS BE POSITIVE ! Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams ! Always think : God and I can do this . . . A baby boy David was born to a certain family . The mum was so excited that she hardly put him down . One day she left him sleeping and went to the garden . When she was there , the house caught fire and she ran back home as first as possible to save her only son . People tried to stop her but they didnt succeed . She went in and found the baby untouched . Unfotunately her hair caught fire as she was going out and she started burning . It was very bad for the rest of her life because she had to live with a scar . The boy grew up and became very rich and shifted to town . But in the real sense , he was ashamed of his mother 's scars . When people asked him , he would say , " l dont have someone so ugly in our family as my mother " . One day his mum overheard how his son was telling people and she was very disappointed . she decided to travel to town to explain to his only son what had happened and the reason behind her ugliness . But unfortunately , the bus she was traveling with , got an accident and the mum died instantly . The boy heard of the news , and felt very happy . He then rushed to the village and found people sad . He just passed them and went direct to her mothers room to search for important documents . He was shocked to find her Mom 's oldest DIARY BOOK written , DATE : 5th Sept 1980 . I was announced the WINNER MISS TORONTO BEAUTY CONTEST . DATE : 14th Jan 1982 . My husband Tonny Gates on passed away in road accident and left me six months pregnant . DATE : 2nd July 1983 . I saved my only son David from a fire and I ended up loosing my hair while scars left on my face . David felt too bad and started crying , but it was TOO LATE ! TOO LATE ! PLEASE NOTE : Never try to Abuse or Ignore you Parents . They are a blessing to us and you will cry when they are gone . Now , U have two thing to choose . 1 . To SHARE this story to friends . OR2 . IGNORE as nothing has happened . God is watching you . Press LIKE & write , " I LOVE YOU MOM " if you truely love her . . . available in rest of the country . It is great place if the kids think school is fun since there are no teachers and no classes . It could be a big challenge if the kid wants to compete with other kids from bigger towns of North East not to talk about the Delhis and Kolkatas could easily end up blaming the " environment " ( wow , I got another " E " ! ) . The quota system in engineering colleges for each state is a breather but being in top 20 is all you can do to get into any good engineering college . This kid was lucky ; he had good fun with the challenge and made it to one of those colleges . Challenge 3 : Good news ! He is in a bigger city . Bad news there is 100 , 000 other kids like him who have similar desire to succeed . To have fun with the challenge , he doesn 't worry too much about the other 99 , 999 . only speak English fast ! ) . Employers also like integrity and ethics . Employers will like you if they can see if you can take responsibility which might come from a " can do " attitude . Importantly employers will like if you have the ability to perform the job . They might train you too but you need to be honest . you ( they might have taught you but it is Your learning is important ) . Three or four years in college are those good time to brush that up or take professional help . Unfortunately I didn 't have organisations like KRC to help me out so it took me more than 4 years in college to understand what communication is really made up of . do employers really want from their employees ? They want them to be smart and hard - working and understand their own growth path as the company grows . They want what is called Intrapreneurs - An Internal Entrepreneur . An Intrapreneur is someone who works like a business owner inside a company and who thinks the company he / she works for is their own . They have a shared vision on how their contribution adds up to every bit . I can tell you it is a good fun to be ranked top among those engineers when working for such a large MNC . Only way is to have a good attitude - one which has Intrapreneurship added to it . has been a short journey for this engineer kid . He had successes and learnt from his failures . On his path he met many difficulties and lot of helping hands . He feels he is the king of the world ! Almost . lands up in a foreign land with no visible similarity in people , food or language ( I did tell you English is not everything ! ) . Fun part is being from North East India is an advantage ! We are all so different there in such a small landscape . Being from India helps too but depends if one had the opportunity to explore other cultures . Challenge 10 ( Not so Final Challenge ) : Senior employees who have long experience will be mature enough to handle pressure scenario . That is why they are in those top positions . Problem is this kid is ambitious and that is where control over one 's emotions is going to take him to the next level . Yes , he will not get the same " environment " he grew up in but it will be something that could change his life and of many others whom he calls family and friends . Point one 's strengths and weakness is the most important thing . Get professional help when you can otherwise the rest of those 99 , 999 will catch up and you will be part of those not so top kids . Whatever it is , it is important to know that success is an interesting and intriguing journey , not a destination It had been raining for more than a week , so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy . She called and said she was coming up . It was the third time she came up to see me that week . I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven - eleven . She was standing there alone , carrying her red umbrella . Her friend had dropped her off . It was raining and she was it was the rain , all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home , not caring about who just passed by . We waited and waited , she looked at me innocently . Being together for so long , of course I knew what she meant . I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat were living in the same apartment building , on the same floor . Back then there were four of us , and we got along well . We would always eat dinner together , watch movies , and sometimes go camping . We were more like a family , but I didn 't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four . Maybe it was during the last year of college , having living together for two years , we developed deep feelings for each other . After she graduated she went back home , and I stayed for one more year to finish school . During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays , but never for long . That was how we kept the treasured relationship . We were walking along the side of the road . She was in front of me and I was right behind her . Her umbrella had a broken spoke . She looked liked a wounded soldier , carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly . Many times , she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing , drifting off the road , she almost got hit by the cars passing by . I wanted to just take her in my arms , but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach , I did nothing . On the way , we passed by the park where we use to always go . She begged and said , " Lets go in the park just for a little while please , I promise I 'll go home right after this . " With wanted to leave . She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something . I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago . If I remember it right , it said , " Chris and Susan was here , Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate . Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day , always loving each other , forever . " She was looking around for quite a while , then she came I didn 't care , and said , " Can we go now ? " I opened up my big black umbrella , she was just standing there , didn 't want to leave yet , hoping there was still a chance . She said , " You made up the story of you and that other girl didn 't you ? I know I frustrate you sometimes , but I 'll change , can 't we start over ? " I didn 't say a word , just looked down and shook my head . After that we just kept on walking towards the train station , didn 't say a word to each other . Four years ago , the doctor said I had cancer , but it was found early , so it was still curable . Thinking that it was okay , I started living my normal life again , and even forgot about the cancer . I didn 't think about the cancer took an X - ray . The picture came out and there was a big black spot , which proved the truth that I did not want to believe . I was at the most glittering part of my life , but it was coming to an end . I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible , so I decided to commit suicide . But I couldn 't let people find out about my intentions , especially Susan , the person I love the most in this whole world , who still doesn 't know about the truth . Susan was still young , she shouldn 't have to go through this . So I made up some stories and lied to her . It was a cruel thing to do , and it broke her heart , but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years 's feelings . I didn 't have much time , because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually . But now I 'm close to succeeding , this drama would soon be over . Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end , that was what I had in mind . The train had stopped running so I called didn 't talk , just nodded lightly , and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street . Out in the rain , we became two single life forms , one red , one black , so far away from each other . I opened the door for her and she got in , then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever . I stood by the car , staring in the dark window , at the first love in my life , also the last one , walking out of my life . The car started , driving into the street . Finally I couldn 't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer , waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi , because I knew , this would be the last time I see her . I wanted to tell her I still love her , I wanted to tell her to stay , I wanted to tell her so much , but the taxi had already turned in the corner . Warm tears kept falling down my face , blended with the cold rain drops . I was cold , not because of the rain . I was cold inside . She left , and I didn 't get anymore of her phone calls even until today . I know she didn 't see my tears , because they were washed away by the rain . I left without regrets . But I 'm not Chris , I 'm that girl Susan , using my memory , and his diary I found after one year since he left , writing down these last words . could this have happened to me ? " she would plead , her heart knotted with anger , but no matter how much she cried , protested , ranted or prayed , she knew the painful truth that her sight was never going to return . A cloud of depression hung over Susan 's once optimistic spirit . Just getting through each day was an exercise in frustration and exhaustion . And all she had to cling to was her husband Mark . Susan felt ready to return to her job , but how would she get there ? She used to take the bus , but was now too frightened to get around the city by herself . Mark volunteered to drive her to and from work each day , even though they worked at opposite ends of the city . ' Susan is going to have to start taking the bus again ' he admitted to himself , but just the thought of mentioning it to her made him cringe , she was still so fragile and so angry . ' How would she react ? ' he admitted to himself again . Just as Mark predicted , Susan was horrified at the idea of taking the bus again . " I 'm blind ! " she responded bitterly " How am I supposed to know where I 'm going ? I feel like you 're abandoning me " . heart broke to hear these words , but he knew what had to be done . He promised Susan that each morning and evening he would ride the bus with her , for as long as it took , until she got the hang of it . And that is exactly what happened . He helped her befriend the bus drivers who could watch out for her , and save her a seat . He made her laugh , even on those not - so - good days when she would trip exiting the bus , or drop her briefcase . Each morning they made the journey together , and Mark would take a cab back to his office . husband and her best friend . Her eyes filled with tears of gratitude for his loyalty , his sincerity , his patience and his love . She said good - bye , and for the first time , they went their separate ways . Monday , Tuesday , Wednesday , Thursday , each day on her own went perfectly , and Susan had never felt better . She was doing it and she was going to work all by herself . him " Why do you say that you envy me ? " The driver responded " It must feel so good to be taken care of and protected like you are " . Susan had The driver answered , " You know , every morning for the past week , a fine looking gentleman in a military uniform has been standing across the corner watching you when you get off the bus . He makes sure you cross the street safely and he watches you until you enter your office building . Then he blows you a kiss , gives you a little salute and walks away . You are one lucky lady " . of happiness poured down Susan 's cheeks . For although she couldn 't physically see him , she had always felt Mark 's presence . She was fortunate , so fortunate , for he had given her a gift more powerful than sight , a gift she didn 't need to see to believe , the gift of love that can bring light where there had been darkness . You don 't love a woman because she is beautiful , but she is beautiful because you love her . On my wedding day , I carried my wife in my arms . The bridal car stopped in front of our one - room flat . My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms . So I carried her into our home . She was then plump and shy . I was a strong and happy bridegroom . This was the scene of ten years ago . The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water . We had a kid , I went into business and tried to make more money . When the assets were steadily increasing , the affections between us seemed to ebb . She was a civil servant . Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time . Our kid was studying in a boarding school . Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy . But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes . Dew came into my life . It was a sunny day . I stood on a spacious balcony . Dew hugged me from behind . My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love . This was the apartment I bought for her . Dew said , " You are the kind of man who best draws girl 's eyeballs . " Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife . When we just married , my wife said " Men like you , once successful , will be very attractive to girls . " Thinking of this , I became somewhat hesitant . I knew I had betrayed my wife . But I couldn 't help doing so . I moved Dew 's hands aside and said , " You go to select some furniture , O . K . ? I 've got something to do in the company . " Obviously she was unhappy , because I had promised her to go and see with her . At the moment , the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me . However , I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it . No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her , she would be deeply hurt . Honestly , she was a good wife . Every evening she was busy preparing dinner . I was sitting in front of the TV . The dinner was ready soon . Then we watched TV together or , I was lounging before the computer , visualizing Dew 's body . This was the means of my entertainment . One day I said to her in a slight joking way . " Suppacebook Govind Jaiswal , 24 , the son of an uneducated rickshaw puller in Varanasi , had grown up with cruel taunts like ' However much you study , you will still be a rickshawpuller . ' He had studied with cotton stuffed in his ears to drown the noise of printing machines and generators below his window in a poor neighbourhood where small workshops existed cheek by jowl with tiny residential quarters . He had given Math tuitions to supplement the paltry sum his father could afford to send him each month . His ailing father had sold a small plot of land to give Govind about Rs 40 , 000 so that he could move to Delhi which would provide him a better place to study . Throughout his life , he had lived with only one dream - to become an officer of the Indian Administrative Service . For him that was the only way . And when he broke the news to his family , that he was ranked 48 among 474 successful candidates in his first attempt at the exam - it was the turn of his three sisters and father to weep with unbridled joy . I could not afford to have any other career goal . My life would have been absolutely futile had I not made it into the civil services , " says Govind , just back from his medicals in New Delhi , mandatory for the IAS . " You must understand that my circumstances were such that besides the Civil Services , I had no option . I didn 't have much of a chance with lower government jobs because they are mostly fixed , neither could I start a business because I had no money . The only thing I could do was work hard at my studies . " It was almost impossible for him to study in the one room he shared with his family . To add to his woes was the power cut that extended between 10 and 14 hours every day . The moment the lights went out , he had to shut the window to block out the deafening noise of generators in the many workshops around his home . So in search for a quiet place to study , he briefly shared a friend 's room at the Banaras Hindu University . Since that did not help him much , he did what many civil services aspirants in noShare F There is a story about a man who sold hot dogs by the roadside . He was illiterate , so he never read newspapers . He was hard of hearing , so he never listened to the radio . His eyes were weak , so he never watched television . But enthusiastically , he sold lots of hot dogs . His sales and profit went up . He ordered more meat and got himself a bigger and a better stove . As his business was growing , the son , who had recently graduated from college , joined his father . something strange happened . The son asked , " Dad , aren 't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way ? " The father replied , " No , but tell me about it . " The son said , " The international situation is terrible . The domestic is even worse . We should be prepared for the coming bad time . " The man thought that since his son had been to college , read the papers , and listened to the radio , he And his sales started coming down rapidly . The father said to his son , " Son , you were right . We are in the middle of a recession . I am glad you warned me ahead of time . " since 1997 and has composed the scores to over fifty feature films . He rose to fame in the late 1990s and 2000s , scoring numerous animated films , in addition to his live - action collaborations with directors Doug Liman and Paul Greengrass . His 2010 score for the film How to Train Your Dragon earned him his first Academy Award nomination at the 83rd Academy Awards . Share F then asked the group once more , " Is the jar full ? " By this time the class was on to him . " Probably not " , one of them answered . Good ! he replied . He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand . He Once more he asked the question , " Is this jar full ? " " No ! " the class shouted . Once again he said , Good ! Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim . A poor boy loved a rich girl . One day the boy proposed her . Then the girl said , " listen ! your monthly salary is my daily hand expenses . Should I be involved with you ? How could you thought that ? I will never love you . So , forget me ' n get engaged with someone else of your level . " But somehow the boy could not forget her so easily . 10 years later . One day they became face to face in a shopping center . The lady said , " Hey ! you ! How are you ? Now I 'm married . Do you know how much is my husband 's salary ? Rs . 2 lac per month ! Can you imagine ? ' n he is also very smart . " The guy 's eyes got wet with tear by hearing those words . After few minutes her husband came before the lady could say something to the guy , her husband started to say by seeing the guy . " Sir ! You here ? Meet my wife . " Then he said to her wife , " I 'm going to assist a project of sir , which is of Rs . 200 crore . ' n do u know a fact ? Sir loved a girl but he didn 't get her . That 's why still he is unmarried . How much lucky the girl was . Isn 't it ? Now a days who can love like that way ? " Moral : Life is not so short . So , don 't be so proud of yourself and damn others . . . Situations change with time . Every one should respect other 's love . SHARE IT . . IF YOU LIKE IT . . ! ! Follow Most Watched Today on Facebook and You Will Always Have The Best Online Videos I Need You For My Whole Life . . U are My HeartBeat . . . Still Loving U A Conversation with a teen boy and girl . They 've started talking again , they 've broke up for 3 months . Girl goes online on Facebook chat Boy - Hey , I 've been thinking about you alot . I really missed you . You were all I Thought About , I was going crazy . I Miss you no one can replace , your spot . Babe , please . I Need you and only You Girl - Doesn 't type anything . Re - reads the message over and over again . She feels her heart melting Boy - Babe . . . . Sends her this song , " Big Sean , Love Story " Boy looks through his window , Trying to hide his tears from her . Girl - May I Come In ? Boy - Yes . . . Girl - Walks slowly to his laptop , notices tears on the side of his Keyboard , and looks at his tabs . The Boy Had Her Facebook page opened and just that . Looks over to the side notices the boy on Boy - Stops and stares at her , a big smile comes to his face . You sing so beautiful , I dont think no else 's voice could ever compare to yours . You sing really beautiful . I really missed you . I Spent all night thinking about you . I Didn 't sleep at all . I Felt like i couldn 't breathe cause you were away from me . I Want . . Girl - You back . I Spent all night , I Havent slept ever since . I Miss you . Boy - I thought you didnt want me , I thought you didnt want to talk to me . Girl - I Did . I Missed you more than anything in this world . There was not one day where you werent off my mind . Boy - Then why didnt you try to talk to me ? Girl - I Was waiting for you to do that . Boy - Can you sit next to me ? Girl - Walks over to boy and sits next to him rests her head on his shoulder . trys her best not to fall asleep Boy - Stares at her admiring her beauty . Smiles , puts his arm around her & whispers in her ear while girl is asleep " I 'm never gonna let Father was a hardworking man who delivered bread as a living to support his wife and three children . He spent all his evenings after work attending classes , hoping to improve himself so that he could one day find a better paying job . Except for Sundays , Father hardly ate a meal together with his family . He worked and studied very hard because he wanted to provide his family with the best money could buy . Whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them , he reasoned that he was doing all this for them . But he often yearned to spend more time with his family . The day came when the examination results were announced . To his joy , Father passed , and with distinctions too ! Soon after , he was offered a good job as a senior supervisor which paid handsomely . Like a dream come true , Father could now afford to provide his family with life 's little luxuries like nice clothing , fine food and vacation abroad . However , the family still did not get to see father for most of the week . He continued to work very hard , hoping to be promoted to the position of manager . In fact , to make himself a worthily candidate for the promotion , he enrolled for another course in the open university . Again , whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them , he reasoned that he was doing all this for them . But he often yearned to spend more time with his family . Father 's hard work paid off and he was promoted . Jubilantly , he decided to hire a maid to relieve his wife from her domestic tasks . He also felt that their three - room flat was no longer big enough , it would be nice for his family to be ablt to enjoy the facilities and comfort of a condominium . Having experienced the rewards of his hard work many times before , Father resolved to further his studies and work at being promoted again . The family still did not get to see much of him . In fact , sometimes Father had to work on Sundays entertaining clients . Again , whenever the family complained that he was not spending enough time with them , he Share F A man went to a barber shop to have his hair and his beard trimmed as always . He started to have a good conversation with the barber that attended him . They talked about many things and various subjects . Suddenly , they touched on the subject of God . The barber said : " Look man , I don 't believe that God exists as you say . " " Why do you say that ? " asked his client . " Well , it 's so easy , you just have to go out in the street to realize that God does not exist . Tell me , if God existed , would there be so many sick people ? Would there be abandoned children ? If God existed , there would be no suffering nor pain . I can 't think of loving a God who permits all of these things . " The client stopped for a moment , thinking , but he didn 't want to respond so as to cause an argument . The barber finished his job and the client went out of the shop . Just after he left the barber shop he saw a man in the street with shaggy , long hair and a beard ( it seems that it had been a long time since he had his cut , and he looked so untidy ) . Then the client again entered the barber shop and he said to the barber : " You knowwhat ? I think barbers do not exist . " " How can you say they don 't exist ? " asked the barber . " I am a barber and here I am . " " No ! " the client exclaimed . " They don 't exist ; if they did there would be no people with shaggy , long hair and beards like that man who walks in the street . " " Ah , barbers do exist , " said the barber . " What happens is that people do not come to me . " " Exactly ! " affirmed the client . " That 's the point . God does exist . What happens is people don 't go to Him and do not look for Him . That 's why there 's so much pain and suffering in the world . " Halfway around the world , I 'm sure , positive , that there 's someone holding more pain in his heart than I hold in mine , & he suffers much more than I do . My lungs ! They 're still full of air ! Even the air is encouraging me Look at you ! ! You 're courageous enough to get yourself killed and say goodbye to nice things in life , as the moon , the stars , the sky , food , music , people … How could a living person with a beating heart between his lungs get separated from these things ? That needs a high degree of bravery , so how couldn 't you have the courage to face your problems and try to solve them ? & Remember , mate , God is the one who gave you life , so he would Like any good mother , when Karen found out that another baby was on the way , she did what she could to help her 3 - year - old son , Michael , prepare for a new sibling . They found out that the new baby was going be a girl , and day after day , night after night , Michael sang to his sister in Mommy 's tummy . He was building a bond of love with his little sister before he even met her . The pregnancy progressed normally for Karen , an active member of the Panther Creek United Methodist Church in Morristown , Tennessee In time , the labor pains came . Soon it was every five minutes , every three , every minute . But serious complications arose during delivery and Karen found herself in hours of labor . Would a C - section be required ? Finally , after a long struggle , Michael 's little sister was born . But she was in very serious condition . With a siren howling in the night , the ambulance rushed the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St . Mary 's Hospital , Knoxville , Tennessee The days inched by . The little girl got worse . The pediatrician had to tell the parents there is very little hope . Be prepared for the worst . a burial plot . They had fixed up a special room in their house for their new baby but now they found themselves having to plan for a funeral . Michael however , kept begging his parents to let him see his sister . I want to sing to her , he kept saying . Week two in intensive care looked as if a funeral would come before the week was over . Michael kept nagging about singing to his sister , but kids are never allowed in Intensive Care . Karen decided to take Michael whether they liked it or not . If he didn 't see his sister right then , he may never see her alive . She dressed him in an oversized scrub suit and marched him into ICU . He looked like a walking laundry basket . The head nurse recognized him as a child and bellowed , Get that kid out of here now . No children are allowed ! ' The mother rose up strong in Karen , and the usually mild - mannered lady glared steel - eyed right into the head nurse 's face , her lips a firm line . ' He is not leaving until he sings to his sister ' she stated . Then Karen towed Michael to his sister 's bedside . He gazed at the tiny infant losing the battle to live . After a moment , he began to sing . In the pure - hearted voice of a 3 - year - old , Michael sang : The Miracle of a Brother 's Song . The medical staff just called it a miracle . Karen called it a miracle of God 's love . NEVER GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE . LOVE IS SO INCREDIBLY POWERFUL . In God We Trust ! ' The evidence of God 's presence far outweighs the proof of His absence . ' Me : God , can I ask You a question ? God : Sure Me : Promise You won 't get mad . . . ... ... . . . God : I promise Me : Why did You . . .
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How did he find himself driving Amish youth to a singing in the next county ? Jed wasn 't even Amish , at least not any more . He brought a book to read feeling way too old to even enter the barn where they were gathering . Since the car would be too hot to sit in , Jed leaned against the hood where he parked his Jeep in the shade and cracked open his book . At the crunch of footsteps , he looked up . A young Amish girl , one he 'd noticed sitting in the back on the ride over was looking nervously at him . He saw her whenever he glanced in his rear - view mirror . Well , maybe , he looked more than that . She was a pretty young thing , but she should be too young to capture his attention . Now the girl was shuffling her feet , using her toe to draw circles in the plowed dirt of the field where they parked . " You aren 't . It 's something I 've already decided . If you help me , fine . If not , I 'll find a way . It 's not like I 'm going to do it tonight , but I am trying to come up with a plan . This is not some whim , or because of some wild Rumspringa thing . You could say I 've long been discontented with the mold I 'm being forced into . However , now that I 'm eighteen , I 've decided to do this sooner than later . I just need more information . " This time when he looked back , Adel found compassion and pain in his eyes . " It will change everything for the rest of your life , " he told her . " Even if you decide to go back , it will never be the same . The Amish may forgive , but they have long memories . Are you ready to break your parents hearts ? " " Yes , but you might say they 've already broken mine . Since my mamm remarried , it 's been difficult , very difficult . She can 't or won 't say anything though . You know how some Amish men rule with a fist over his house while the woman stays in submission . She will never stand up for me . It 's just the way it is . But in my case with a hard stepdat , I can 't bend as much as I 'm expected to do . So , I 'm always causing a problem at home . My stepdat has a temper that is only seen inside our walls though he is quite respected everywhere else . I 'm afraid I keep him angry a good bit of the time . " " Is that what you are trying to get away from ? If so , I 'm sure there are plenty of young men who would be willing to court you . Marriage would not be far behind , and then you would be out from his and under your own roof . Perhaps that would be the better choice if you find the right Amish man . " " Are you kidding ! " she gasped . This is about my convictions , about the Amish teachings ! Even when my dat was alive , we went round and round on our faith . I will never , ever join the church . I see too much hypocrisy . Like you . " " What do you mean like me ? Don 't drag me into this . " He crossed his arms over his chest and scowled as he stood up straight from where he leaned against the hood of his Jeep . " No , what I mean is that we aren 't supposed to drive or own a car , but we can hire drivers . That makes no sense to me . What 's the big difference in hiring a driver to a use a car or owning a vehicle ? That 's what I mean about hypocrisy . " He was glad she just let it go . " So what do you want to know ? If it 's about their rules , you should probably talk to my pastor , not me . " " No , it 's just that the other girls told me that you 'd left . I don 't know who else to ask . I want to know about the Mennonite beliefs , to know first of all , if that 's what I want to choose . If it 's too much like the Amish , then I want no part of it . " Jed looked at her with new eyes . Respect . But he also couldn 't deny she was attractive , even as plain dressed as she was . Before he could begin , Adelle sucked in her breath and said , " Oh , no . " " The bishop 's wife just saw us . I didn 't know she was going to be here this far from our own district . She gave me the look . She 'll tell her husband , and he 'll tell my stepdat . " " Did they tell you not to talk with me ? " That made him uncomfortable as if they thought he had the plague . He 'd never been shunned because he 'd never joined the Amish church . " No , it 's just that my stepdat is very controlling about who I can talk to . By the woman 's look , she knows good and well that you 're not a proper Amish boy , I mean , man . I 'd better leave . Uh oh , now she 's looking back and telling Belinda , and Belinda is the biggest gossip in the district . " " Thanks . See you Saturday . I won 't try to talk to you on the way home tonight , just so you know . " She gave him a quick smile then took off at a pace that the older women would not be able to match . He opened his book back up but couldn 't concentrate , especially as the sound of songs sung in German drifted over him . It was a reminder of his growing up years . Instead Jed put his ear buds in and listened to some different worship music on his IPhone while waiting for the young people to give them a ride home . Jed couldn 't help glancing often at the girl in the backseat . Occasionally she saw him , but looked away demurely . It reminded him of when his sister followed him out of the Amish pestering him with questions , though not as deeply as this girl 's , except she wasn 't anything like a sister . Had he really agreed to meet her again ? He was crazy . But that was one determined young woman . The girl had his thoughts spinning . Jed certainly did not want to get her in trouble , but she seemed sincere about leaving the Amish . It was a big decision . Jed figured he would talk with his pastor between now and Saturday , maybe even bring him along as well . He took a deep breath . Yes , that 's what he 'd do . Only his pastor was out of town . When he got to her booth the following Saturday , of course a couple of young men were hanging around . It was as if she was the flower , and they were the bees . He sure didn 't want to get stung or even get too close to her nectar . It would get too sticky . He had to admit she was alluring , in a fresh young Amish girl way , too young for him though . Her hair was the same dark chocolate as her eyes in a fine featured face that was tan with a sprinkling of freckles . Adelle was slender , but filled out her plain dress in a way that even her apron could not cover . It was bad enough that he 'd not been able to get her out of his mind all week . She must have triggered his protective tendencies because he found that he wanted to help her . Yes , that was all . He recognized Luke . He 'd been the one who called to arrange a ride last weekend . Luke 's brother Amos had been Jed 's best friend until Jed left the Amish , that is . Jed and Luke 's brother Amos had drifted apart since then . Now Amos was married with four children . Jed couldn 't imagine that . It wasn 't like Jed wanted to be a driver for the Amish , it was just that he had a soft spot for the young people and couldn 't turn Luke down when he 'd asked for a ride to the singing in another district earlier . How well he remembered those times , and how old it made him feel now since he was a just a few years under thirty . However , it did made him think of her , his old girlfriend Mary , the one he left behind when he suddenly decided to leave the Amish . She 'd pressured him to join the church , but he just couldn 't , not even for her . They said he 'd broken her heart , or maybe not . She seemed to be happily married with three kids now . Last time he ran into her in town , he honestly didn 't know if she 'd put on fifty pounds or if she was pregnant again . Jed almost didn 't recognize her . Now , he had no idea what he 'd seen in her to begin with . It was a long time ago . After he left the Amish , he 'd hung out with the Mennonite young people at first , until he felt too old . There just wasn 't a connection with any of the young women in his church . It wasn 't because they didn 't try . More than a couple had let it be know they were interested . But not one of them had eyes like . . . He wiped the sweat on his brow with this arm as he looked at her , Adelle . He was surprised that not all the young men in the whole market weren 't there buzzing around her . " Hello , Luke . " He shook the young man 's hand , and then turned to the other one who introduced himself as David . Finally , he looked back at her and said , " It 's nice to see you again , Adelle . " His throat was so dry , he found it hard to swallow . Realizing he wouldn 't be able to speak with her in front of the guys , he decided to leave . " Jed , I heard they serve really good lemonade at Smitty 's down the street . " She stopped him in his tracks . " They have outside tables around the back under the shade of the trees . You sound like you could use something to drink . " She had a tight smile on her face , but her eyes were pleading . He wondered how she knew his throat was so dry ? Then he realized she was trying to tell him that she 'd meet him there . He got two glasses of lemonade and waited . He 'd pulled a couple of chairs out of sight behind the café . The shade felt good there under the huge walnut trees . He pulled off his baseball cap and closed his eyes enjoying the slight breeze that blew . But when she walked around the building in that quick way she had , he felt more than heard her coming . Jed had a sudden heat burning him up . What was with him ? It was like he didn 't even know himself . " Thanks for coming , Jed . I can 't take much time since Luke agreed to watch my booth for a minute , but I was hoping you could let me know in a nutshell what the Mennonites believe . None of my friends seem to know , and they don 't appreciate me asking . " He sat up and took a long drink of his lemonade until he drained it . . Then he met her eyes , those intense , dark as chocolate eyes framed by thick black lashes . Her eyebrows were quirked waiting . " Actually , there 's a lot of variation in Mennonite churches , even more than how the Amish districts differ from each other . Sadly , the most liberal don 't hold to the Bible 's teachings any more , however most do . I found myself in harmony with this conservative church since they hold to Scripture and teach that you can have assurance of salvation . " She heaved a sigh of relief . " That 's what I 'd been hoping . It seems clear in my reading of Scripture that we can know we are God 's sons and daughters and not just have to hope or wonder . But go on , please . " She looked uneasily over her shoulder before taking a drink . " Thank you for the drink , by the way . I didn 't know how thirsty I was . " He rubbed his finger over the rim of his empty glass . " They believe in God the Father , Christ the Son , and the Holy Spirit . They believe in the truth of Scripture as the Word of God . They believe in believer 's baptism , not infant baptism . They believe in a personal acceptance of salvation through faith , and the assurance of it , like I said before . Let 's see , what else ? Oh yeah , pacifism , of course . " " No , not at all . They believe in grace , not works . However , they do agree to keep to a simple unworldly lifestyle . There 's a certain amount of conformity that goes with it , just not as much emphasis as with the Amish . Yet , there 's quite a variety of conscience when it comes to some choices . Some have cars like me , or tractors , phones . A few have televisions , though they are still frowned upon . " " Not exactly , no . Sinful choices are still verboten . It 's not as if God can 't see sin just because they are youngies . They encourage their youth to weigh their decision to join the church very seriously . Adult baptism is the outward symbol of being committed to live a sin - free life pleasing to the Lord . " " Good , I mean I think it is ridiculous to tell teenagers to go taste the world and then come back to the church . Even if most do , they bring a lot of secret regrets back with them , a lot of guilt . The way they get drunk and all that goes with it , is so ungodly . Some are blatantly sinning thinking that it 's okay since they haven 't joined the church yet . It 's like their parents have told them to go do it , join the world , then are surprised when they do . " Jed couldn 't keep from grinning . This young woman was certainly passionate . The way she kept looking over her shoulder though , made him realize their time was about up . In fact , she jumped up from her chair and was about to leave when he captured her hand . His head buzzed , probably from the heat . She only stared down at their hands . He jerked his away . " Yes , " She grinned , " but it was worth it . What 's a few extra cow stalls to muck ? Maybe , we can do this again next Saturday , " then she blushed , " but you 're probably too busy . " Jed rubbed his hand on his chest where it felt tight around his heart . He didn 't know what was wrong with him , but after a few deep breaths , he felt better , that is until he thought again about the way she 'd looked at him before she left . Then the thumping hard against his rib cage began again . Oh boy . He 'd better knock it off and quick . She was way too young . Sure enough , the next Saturday , the Farmer 's Market had so many youngies hanging around her booth that he wasn 't sure she even saw him . He picked up a pint of blackberry jam and wove his way up to her to pay . As soon as she saw him , she flashed a bright smile before she dropped her eyes saying , that will be $ 3 . 00 . " Ach , it 's so hot . A glass of lemonade sure sounds gut , " with a quick glance meeting his eyes . He found the chairs still where he 'd left them last week and waited once again in the shade behind the diner with two glasses of lemonade . But this time he had his eyes open . He wanted to watch as she walked up to him . He was rewarded with even more of a beaming smile . She tried to hand him a five dollar bill . " I can 't take your money for the jam and have you buy me lemonades too . So here . " " What would you like to know today ? " He leaned forward . He could smell a whiff of honeysuckle . Suddenly she looked troubled and glanced around . " Do you know if there is a way , you know , provision for Amish young people who want to leave ? Like a place to stay ? Or at least , do you know of any jobs I could apply for so I could support myself ? " He sat back tilting on two legs of his chair leaning up against a tree while looking straight at her . Her eyes , dark like melting pools of chocolate in the heat , finally forced him to look away . She was dead set on leaving , no doubt . He rubbed his chin , " Not really , just good people who might be willing to step in and help . I could ask my sister . She followed me when I left the Amish and married a good Mennonite man . I 'm sure she 'd understand and would be willing to help you . Anne lives here in town . They have a lot of kids , well just three who are busy enough to be a dozen , but also have a large house . As far as a job goes , I 'd have to ask around . " " I 'm embarrassed to ask , but can I have your phone number , you know , if I need to leave ? My step - dat is putting a lot of pressure on me . He has someone he wants me to marry and is hurrying me to join the church . He even told the man he could court me , but I can 't stand the thought of him . " " Here . " She pulled out a pen and an old receipt from her apron pocket . As he wrote his number down , she rubbed the ice cold lemonade glass against her forehead saying , " It 's so hot . " " Danke . It seems I 'm always saying that to you , Jed . You 're my first friend who 's not Amish . This means more than I can express . " Her eyes caught his with an unwavering sincerity . " I am embarrassed to say this , but do you think you can ask your sister right away , or find somewhere I could stay soon ? " He clasped her hand promising , " I will do my best , Adelle . " They sat there for a moment before she pulled away . " If I don 't see you sooner , than next Saturday ? " His breath caught again thudding in his chest as her fingers slipped away from his , but he managed to say , " I 'm sure I can find something soon , so don 't worry . You can call me to ask , or if something happens before then and you need to get away . . . " Her eyes looked like those of a doe about to bolt . He didn 't know how bad her home situation was , but his protective feelings could run ahead of him if he wasn 't careful . Jed knew he shouldn 't be the one to sway her . The decision needed to be all her own . At least she was eighteen , he told himself , old enough to make the choice herself . Then she left . He waited five minutes before also leaving to return the empty glasses back to the diner 's window . As he came around the corner , he noticed a buggy pulled over by the diner . An Amish man fiercely glared his way . It was enough to make him worry . Jed thought he recognized who it was , afraid he knew why the man was grimacing at him . Jed meandered casually over towards the market where the man had moved and hitched his buggy . He was marching toward her booth . Her friends stepped back as he plowed through . Even from his distance , Jed could see Adelle pale as the man grabbed her arm and shook her . She quickly boxed up her unsold items then and followed him meekly carrying her box of things to the buggy . He had not been able to hear what was said , but he 'd seen enough to make him want to step in . It was all he could do to hold back . For a fleeting second , she looked around while seated in the buggy , and their eyes met . He could see the pleading in them from where he stood . But it wasn 't time . Instead , Jed called his sister quickly explaining the situation . He had a grim satisfaction knowing he would soon help her out from under her stepdat . Jed hung around until late waiting for her call . It didn 't come . He finally went home . It wasn 't until he sat in church the next day that his phone vibrated . He slipped out the back door to answer even though it was the middle of the pastor 's sermon . " Hello ? " She had just one black garbage bag limp with all her worldly possession . But what captured his eyes was her uncovered chestnut hair penned into a loose bun . Her eyes were a bit wild looking around . " My sister wants you to come to her house . They 're ready for you . I saw your dat Saturday , and knew you 'd call me right away . How bad was it for you ? " He found himself rubbing her back as she began crying softly in answer . " Once in town and driving down his sister 's street , Jed told her , " I think its safe to sit up now . We 're almost there . " Adele wiped her eyes with her sleeve and looked away . She shrugged her shoulders . " Not really . He mostly yelled , but did shake me . " I 've been confined to my room listening to him yell at my mamm mostly . I hurt for her . My dat wasn 't like this at all . I am so sorry for her and my little brother and sisters . They all walk around on eggshells . I won 't be there to protect them anymore , " She choked back a sob . " It was an off Sunday for our district , and my family left to visit with his cousins . That 's when I slipped out and called you . " She chuckled . " He locked me in , so I had to climb down a trellis . " Jed had a hard time not looking at the wisps of hair blowing loose from her bun , tendrils he wanted to reach out and touch . She caught him looking and patted her hair self - consciously . " I didn 't bring my kapp because I know the Mennonite ones are different . I hope your sister can help me make one like hers before next Sunday . Jed forced himself to look away . " I 'm sure my sister has one she can loan you . We might as well go in , unless you 'd rather wait in the car , that is . " " I just don 't want someone seeing me here . Is it okay if we go in ? " She jumped every time a car went down the street . He hoped the time would come soon when the poor girl would not have to be looking over her shoulder constantly . He grabbed her sack of things and led her to the door with his hand on her back . Once inside she perched on the edge of the sofa half bent over hugging herself . He wanted to put his arm around her , but knew that wouldn 't help . " You 'll like my sister and brother - in - law . " Their kids are five years old and on down , my niece and two nephews . By the way , before church when I spoke with our pastor about you , he said that they might be hiring over at the bookstore hoping to find someone who speaks German . You can , right ? " Her face lit up . " Yah ! I love that store . The Englischers have always been so nice to me , Mr . and Mrs . Jenkins . " " Well , the pastor said for you to tell them that he sent you if you want to go there tomorrow morning . " Against his better judgments , he went over and sat down beside her , wiped a tear off her cheek and tucked her hair behind her ear before taking up her hand in his . Again . It just felt right as her fingers entwined with his resting in his grasp . Hers were as calloused from hard work as his . He smiled at the berry stains on her fingers . They relaxed against the back of the sofa . " What changes are you looking forward to the most ? Are you wanting a phone , or will you be saving for a car ? " Adelle giggled . " Of course not . Why would I need those things ? I can walk where I need to go here in town . I think I 'll save so I can get my own apartment . I can 't live on your sister 's good graces forever . But I think I better not count my chickens before they 're hatched . " When they heard a car door shut and children 's laughter , and Jed let her hand go like a hot potato . Adele jumped up off the couch and waited facing the door . He stood putting his hand on her back . " Don 't worry . They won 't bite , except the baby . He 's teething . " His sister Beth came in just then with a baby on her hip and rescued them . " Children . Where are your manners ? Hi , you must be Adele . We are so glad you are here ! I 'm Beth , and this is my husband William . " Beth 's eyes were much like her brother 's hazel ones and they crinkled at the corners just the same . She wore a simple dress with buttons and an all - over small flower print . Adelle thought it was beautiful . It did not take long at all before she found herself already at ease among this family . Even though Jed had backed away , she felt his watchful gaze upon her . That confused her a little as he was the kindest man she 'd ever met , nothing like the youngies she 'd known . Holding her hand , patting her back had been a comfort . It was no more than that , just a kind gesture . She could not make it more than it was . No matter though , he had proved to be a true friend , and now so was his sister . Adelle knew exactly what his Jeep sounded like when he pulled in Monday afternoon . He would give it a little gas up the incline of the drive before shutting off the engine . He evidently liked his radio . She could hear contemporary worship songs as well as country sometimes , music some of their drivers had played from time to time . She beat his back while all the children came running to watch the spectacle . " Put me down ! Okay , okay , I 'll go with you , " She tried to act mad , but couldn 't hide her laughter . He swung her down gently and stood with his arm around her waist ready to capture her if she tried to get away . " Jedidiah Joel , you watch your manners ! Mamm would be so ashamed if she saw you do that ! " But Beth was laughing too . " I have to admit , he treated me almost as badly when I balked at his driving lesson . But he only twisted my arm , and didn 't throw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes . I can 't believe him ! " The country road was out of the way , no where near her family 's farm . Adelle did not want to admit to him , but she was thrilled to be driving while at the same time scared to death . Glancing over at him from time to time , he looked a little scared himself , tight lipped with his hand white knuckled on the dash . When he came around the car to get in the driver 's seat , she had the urge to hug him in gratitude , but held back at the last minute . Still he hesitated looking down at her . Their eyes held . Then with a sigh he broke away and went on around to get in behind the wheel . Adelle buckled in the passenger seat not sure of what had just happened , but it made her stomach clench like a tight fist . It was quiet all the way back into town . " Thanks for the lesson , " she managed to say before hurrying in to the house . He came in more leisurely and answered his sister 's questions on their lesson went with a grin . He enjoyed embellishing her oops moment with a little drama . She giggled with a blush creeping across her face . Of course he stayed for dinner . His sister teased him about having to feed him so often now . It made Adelle wonder if he came more often because of her . If so , why ? After dinner , she went to her room for a minute after helping with dishes and stopped before going back in the kitchen when she heard Anne talking seriously with Jed . The kids were outside with their dad . They were catching lightning bugs while he was working on something called a carburetor . She didn 't want to interrupt and was about to leave when she heard her name spoken . " I can tell you like her , Jed , but she 's still a youngie . I wish you would try to get to know my friend Grace . She 's very interested , you know , and is closer to your age . Grace is beautiful , inside and out . I think you 'd make the perfect couple . Why not ask to take her to the . . . " Adelle didn 't want to hear any more and went back as quietly as she could to the room she was sharing with their young daughter . Sharing a room with a five year old did make her feel like a youngie , but that wasn 't what made her heart hurt . To be honest with herself , she knew she had become too attached to Jed . It was a good thing that she would start her new job at the bookstore tomorrow . A portion of her salary was to be the studio apartment provided above the store . Forcing herself to think of something other than the conversation she 'd overheard , she got out her sewing , sat on the bed and began working on the pretty flowered dress Anne had given her . She just needed to take it in here and there . It was such a freeing feeling to be able to wear something that was indeed lovely . Anne had also given her a kapp to wear as a covering . Tonight Adelle promised herself , she 'd look up those Scriptures again on a woman 's head covering . She certainly had a lot on her mind , and even with the prospect of a new job , a new apartment , new clothes , she felt weighed down with a heavy heart . Did Jed think of her as just a youngie ? Adelle forced her thoughts away to her new job . The couple was waiting for her on a bench out front . The Jenkins were a nice couple , but it was obvious that Mrs . Jenkins had changed . She had a worried countenance all the time they spoke and seemed to cling to her husband . Adelle had to remind her two or three times what her name was . The poor woman kept asking her husband why Adelle was there . Mr . Jenkins impressed Adelle with his patience and loving care towards his wife . She was afraid it was Alzehiemers or some form of dementia . No wonder Mr . Jenkins needed help . She smiled up at him . " Yah , very . I have always loved being in that store . What a blessing it is to not only have a job there , but an apartment provided as well . Gott is gutt . " " I 'm taking off , but wanting to wish you well . Bye , Adelle . " He made the mistake like doing that thing again where he looked far too deeply into her eyes . Jed had to tear himself away with a deep breath . " Bye . " Adelle wiped a tear after he had gone , after hearing the front door close wishing she could have said , " I 'll tell you all about it tomorrow . " He might come back tomorrow or the next day . But even if he did , she would be already settled in her new apartment . She 'd only see him across the aisle at church . Adelle settled into her new apartment early then went downstairs to the shop . Mr . Jenkins was there with his wife as a shadow behind him . He explained again her duties as his wife kept tugging on his shirt asking who she was . " Danke for the lovely apartment . I can 't believe how everything is provided from sheets and towels to dishes and pots and pans . I feel so blessed ! " Mr . Jenkins looked relieved . " Good . Sorry I didn 't get up there to clean before you came . " He glanced at his wife . " It isn 't easy to get away to do such chores anymore . I hope it wasn 't left in too bad a condition . " " The store could probably use that as well . I 'd appreciate it if you could also vacuum before you leave tonight . I 'll come help lock up , but I need to get my wife settled back in the house now . It 's getting harder and harder to leave her for very long at a time . That 's why I needed the help . Feel free to call for me if you have any questions . We just live in the built - on apartment next door . " Most of the time , there were just a few customers who trickled through , but when the tour buses came , sometimes there were tourists aplenty , and it was all she could do to keep up with their questions and fortunately ringing up on the cash register . At least business seemed good . She was asked many questions about the difference in the Amish and the Mennonites as she was now dressed like the latter . It was funny to answer questions even though she hadn 't been to their church yet . She just told them what Jed has said without trying to say too much , else that would give them cause to ask about her situation . One nice Englischer , however , remembered her from the Farmer 's Market and was curious about the change . Adelle just said , " Yah , she was a Mennonite now . " It didn 't matter if she 'd had time to join the church yet , she had joined in her heart . At night Mr . Jenkins would come in to count the till and close up . His wife clung nearby watching Adelle with suspicious eyes . Later in the week she pointed accusingly and said , " That girl is stealing from us ! " I saw her put something in her pocket . " Pretty soon it became a repetitive theme and his poor wife would accuse Adelle daily of stealing . It always made her blush . No one had ever thought that about her before . It was becoming a real embarrassment . Mr . Jenkins just tried to ignore his wife even as she became more strident . A couple of times late customers heard her , much to Adelle 's shame . Mr . Jenkins sighed and told Adelle . Maybe it 's better if I cut back your hours since my wife has such misgivings . I won 't be able to pay you much over the provision of the apartment , but if you 're not here when I close up , maybe she 'll calm down . Sorry about that . The doctor says it 's just a sign that her symptoms are getting worse , but pretty soon she 'll forget about it . " He looked so sad , that Adelle could hardly think about what it meant for her only working part - time . As long as she could afford food and had a roof over her head , that was enough . Her needs were very basic . She was even more thankful for Jed 's sister Anne giving her the couple of dresses and a kapp . She could even wear her Amish dress if need be . Her apron had come in handy to wear while she worked saving her dress from dust and dirt . It was only getting worse , however . One time Adelle walked to the little grocery store and turned the corner and almost ran into her boss ' cart . His wife began yelling , " Thief , thief ! " Adelle looked around before she realized that Mrs . Jenkins was talking about her . She left her cart and went out blinking back tears . " Oh , Lord , please help me ! " Adelle felt very alone . She 'd been to church and really liked it . The men sat on one side while the women sat on the other , but in pews , not across the building facing each other as the Amish did . A man even played the guitar who led them in hymns . But the best part was the preaching , so clearly dividing the Word of truth . However , she was shocked at how soon the service was over . Many youngies surrounded her and introduced themselves , especially the young men close to her age causing some of the girls to look at her suspiciously , almost like Mrs . Jenkins . She hoped none of them would start yelling , " Thief , thief , " thinking she was trying to steal anyone 's boyfriend . So she hurried home only waving to Anne and her children and practically turning her back on Jed . He caught up with her and walked her back to her apartment anyway . Adelle didn 't know why she felt like crying . She 'd felt so friendless even when surrounded by the good people in church , even walking beside him . A wall of Grace stood between them , especially now since Anne introduced them at church . Grace was indeed a beautiful lady with golden hair and blue eyes that had carefully appraised her . She didn 't feel like she could tell him about Mrs . Jenkins either , not wanting to speak badly of her boss ' wife with her accusations . So she just said , " It 's going well , " when he asked , and " Yah , she liked church very much . " He watched her as she climbed the stairs and went into her empty apartment . Jed was a little upset that his sister had not offered to invite her to dinner , asking Grace instead , and wondered if Adelle was sorry she 'd left the Amish since no smile lit her countenance today . She wore sadness like a heavy cloak . When he 'd asked , she only shrugged and told him goodbye . Her gloom was contagious and stayed with him through dinner no matter how much his sister or Grace tried to draw him out . Fortunately , the children 's chatter filled in the empty spaces while his brother in law involved him in a discussion of car repair . He left before Grace did insisting he had things he had to do at home . The only thing he truly needed to do was to open his Bible and try to settle his heart and mind . However , his concentration was pretty useless always wandering to picture Adelle 's sad face . Instead , he found himself driving to the parsonage and knocking . He was more than surprised to find Adelle there with a smile back on her face as she bounced their baby on her knees . Then she looked up and blanched when she saw him . " Hey , Jed , come on in . We were just talking to Adelle about joining the church and getting baptized . You are welcome to join us , " the pastor said waving him inside . She shook her head with a shy smile at the pastor . It was hard to get used to seeing a leader of the church without a beard . Some men in church chose to wear a beard , but like Jed , he did not . An Amish man always grew a beard and never cut it after getting married . But those were surface things that had nothing to do with salvation , so it mattered not to her . It just was different . Speaking about things that were different , she decided to brave asking a question that had been bothering her . Adelle felt Jed 's eyes upon her , but she only looked at the pastor and his wife as she asked about head coverings . " I noticed in church that not all the women wore kapps today . I understand why the Amish and even most of the Mennonite women wear them in church , but I 'm trying to reconcile it biblically . I know what I Corinthians 11 says about a man is not to pray with his head covered , but a woman must keep her head covered while praying or prophesying . But then it goes on to say in verses 14 - 15 , " and she opened her Bible and read , " Does not nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair , it is a dishonor to him , but if a woman has long hair , it is a glory to her ? For her hair is given to her for a covering . " It is almost contradictory which makes me wonder if there is one practice of wearing a covering in church and that of outside the church with a woman 's hair as her covering . So would that mean it 's okay to go without a kapp outside of church ? I know I was taught that it must be worn at all times so that a woman would be covered just in case she wanted to pray , but I lean towards thinking that it refers more to public prayers . " " Well , I can say that it seems proper for women to wear their hair covered in church , though there seems to be at times a prideful competition as to which kapp is the best . I doubt God really cares . However , I think it is a shame somehow not to honor those last verses allowing that a woman 's hair is her covering and that it is a glory to her . When I have a wife , I would encourage her to wear her head uncovered at least at home since it says earlier that the woman is the glory of man . However , it says there that in the Lord neither is woman independent of man , nor is man independent of woman which makes a man and a woman in equal partnership with God . " Now the pastor was grinning and looked at his wife a little smugly . " Yes , my wife had to hurry and put her kapp on when you knocked on the door , Adelle , for I don 't ask her to cover her head here at home either . She covers it when we are in company or go out so as not to be a stumbling block to others . Don 't let Jed fool you . We have talked about this before , and he knows how we feel . " With that , the pastor 's wife , Susanne took her kapp off with a smile . " You don 't mind , do you Susanne ? " Susanne took off her kapp as well . " That feels so much better , especially when it is hot ! " But she still wouldn 't look at Jed even though she felt his eyes heavily upon her again . " Like Grace , " Jed added . " I about had my sister talked out of wearing her 's all the time until her friends , like Grace , made her feel it was shameful . I was sorry to see that happen as her husband was happy with it either way . " The conversation continued to astound her . She was not used to being complemented at all and was uncomfortable with the attention upon herself . " I do have a little bit of a problem I 'd like to ask your advice about though . " She took a deep breath , glanced at Jed before speaking to the pastor and his wife . She told them of the accusations that were getting worse by poor Mr . Jenkins ' wife , and how her hours had been cut back already only after one week . " I don 't want to cause him a problem . I know that he needs to care for his wife and has a hard time doing that while at the bookstore with her so insecurely clinging to him . It 's just that it has happened publically several times now . I don 't know if any of that talk has come back around to you yet . " The pastor looked at his wife and rubbed his chin . " It is a small town , and I must confess , a busy - body did come running to tell us what she 'd heard at the market . It 's no fault of yours , Adelle . You can hold your head up even if some would rather believe wrongly of you . It won 't hinder your baptism or joining the church . I will explain to the elders on your behalf . However , I appreciate you sharing your side of it . Most people have not been around the Jenkins enough to realize the burden the man carries . I think it is good of you to think so kindly of him in spite of his wife 's accusations . You do understand that it is part of the symptoms of Alzheimer 's , don 't you ? " Jed found his fists clinched and his jaw tight . It wasn 't as if he wanted to fight the old lady , but he wished he could protect Adelle from such pain . No wonder she seemed so sad . Perhaps she had gotten some sideways glares at church today , but he hoped not . " Was there something that you came over for in particular , Jed ? " It caught him by surprise . " Not really . " He rubbed his neck , but then looked up at Adelle and grinned saying , " But I 'm glad I felt prompted to come here this afternoon . " Adelle saw the pastor and wife share a smile and found herself blushing again . So she jumped up and excused herself . But of course , Jed insisted on driving her home instead of allowing her to walk the mile or so in the heat . She put her kapp back on and accepted Susanne 's hug . " I guess you 're right , but your hair is beautiful , Adelle . I enjoy seeing you without your kapp . " There she went turning a deep pink again . He took a deep breath . That was the Adelle he had become so fond of . " I 'm sorry it 's so rough at the bookstore for you . It was obvious today that you were upset . " She couldn 't even begin to know his thoughts on how he wished he could rescue her . He took his hat off and ran his hand through his hair then froze . She was running her fingers through his hair on the back of his collar . " Isn 't it a shame for a man to have long hair ? Don 't you think it 's time for a haircut ? " She was teasing him without a clue on what her touch did to him . " You 're probably right . I do need my hair cut . " Her fingers sent chills down his back , of a nice kind . It made him want to bury his fingers in the back of her chestnut tresses bound in that bun . It was her glory alright . " Yes , I found a good pair of sewing scissors in a drawer . The apartment has everything I need already in it . " Everything but groceries , she thought to herself as her stomach growled . " How about I take you to get something to eat first . I 'm kinda hungry . " He 'd hurried through Sunday dinner at his sister 's without taking his usual seconds . He hadn 't even waited for dessert . No wonder his sister had looked askance at him . It made Jed once again thankful for his sister and her family . It had been a lot of lonely months before she and William were married and had made a home that always made him feel welcome . He 'd found that same welcome at the pastor 's home . The man had become his best friend . He did miss his parents and grandparents , and visited about once every month or so on off Sundays . It was through them that he 'd heard of Adelle 's mother coming to marry Mr . Schwartz . That man had made Jed 's life miserable growing up , always chasing him away from the best fishing holes and accusing him of allowing their bull to get in with his cows when the man was negligent in keeping his fences in good repair and things like that . He 'd felt sorry for any woman who would marry such a man . He 'd only seen Adelle at a distance and then only as a youngie , not the beautiful young woman she was now . " What ? " " I said this looks good . I am hungry . What would you recommend ? " She was clutching her pocket for what was left of her first paycheck afraid of what a meal here would cost . He opened the café door though he wasn 't fast enough to open the car door for her . As soon as they were seated and were waiting to order he said , " Do you realize we were almost neighbors ? I moved away about the time you moved there with your mother . In fact , I don 't remember actually seeing you before I was your driver to the singing . " " You did ? " " You were fishing . I hid back in the trees just watching to see if you caught anything . I wanted to learn to fish . " Just then the bell rang on the door and Grace and a large group of her friends walked in . When she saw them together she came over and forced a smile when she obviously would rather scowl . " Hi , Jed . Did you get done what you hurried away from Sunday dinner for ? " " No , actually , Adelle told him . It 's very sad that Mrs . Jenkins ' Alzheimer 's has progressed so quickly , poor lady . Did you know that suspicion and delusions are often symptoms of the disease ? However , sometimes people are suspicious even without the disease , wouldn 't you say ? " " I think she was on a collision course with you already . It 's called jealousy . I know my sister 's been pushing her on me a lot , especially lately . I guess I didn 't appreciate it before , but even less now , with her insinuations . " He blew out a big breath . " I probably was a little over the top just now , but it made me mad . Sorry about that . " " Thanks for standing up for me though . That was nice . " Adelle was still flushed from the confrontation . She wondered how much Grace had to be jealous about , but tucked those thoughts away with all her other thoughts today . Would she ever be done blushing , she wondered ? Fortunately , the waitress who had taken their orders brought them what looked like an appetizing meal of barbequed ribs , corn on the cob and coleslaw . " I 've always wanted to try barbequed ribs . My mamm never made them . " After Jed dropped her off , Adelle let herself into her apartment and sank onto her daybed with her head full of all that had transpired today . They 'd decided she should wait and cut his hair another day . A knock on her door drew her attention tearing her away from her thoughts . It was Mr . Jenkins . " I hate to say this Adelle , but as I 've gone over my ledgers for the week , it appears money is missing . I 'm not saying for sure that you are guilty , but still I can 't continue to keep you here or in my store . Maybe my wife was right . I 'll give you a week to move out . " " No , I 'm not going to law enforcement , but neither am I going to extend my trust any longer . You 're done here , Adelle . I want you out as soon as possible . " He gripped the railing as he clumped back down the steps as if his knees were stiff . Adelle covered her mouth , but was unable to hold back her sobs as soon as she shut the door . She cried out to God for help , but could not get beyond calling His name . Where would she go ? Who would hire her now ? She had not made enough to go out on her own . Tomorrow she would go back to the pastor begging for his help . She had never even stolen a cookie in her own mother 's kitchen without asking first . Her reputation was ruined . What would Jed say ? " Please . " She could not say more with the lump in her throat threatening to break into more ugly sobs . While Susanne went back to cooking her family 's breakfast , Adelle told the pastor what had happened . " So , I need to move out as soon as possible , but I don 't know where to go or who would hire me after he has accused me of stealing . " She took deep , shaking breaths with her head hung in shame . " I 'm so sorry , Adelle . I 'm sure truth will eventually come out , but in the meanwhile , we will find a safe place for you to stay . In fact , I 'm sure my wife wouldn 't mind a mother 's helper for awhile . I don 't know if she told you , but she is expecting again and not feeling well right now . . . " Just then Susanne ran by them to the bathroom . Adelle could hear her retching . " Morning sickness ? Tell her that I 'll finish breakfast , and she can rest . " " See ? Already God is working good out of this situation . As you can tell , she needs help at least until she gets past getting sick . Unfortunately , if it 's like her other pregnancies , the morning sickness will probably last for most of her nine months . I can 't promise to be able to pay you much , but if you are willing to stay in our daughters ' room with her , we would be happy to have you here . I 'm sure Susanne will agree . But I 'll ask her just the same , as soon as she 's done hugging the toilet , that is . " Life seemed to be normal with children needing to be fed and the older ones getting ready to be off to school much like her own home . But it was still shocking to Adelle that she was in the midst of this family and accepted so readily . She scrambled the eggs and thanked her Father all at the same time while answering the children 's curious questions . Susanne came in for just a few minutes to grab Saltine crackers and to thank her before going back to bed . Things settled down as the youngest one sat on the floor playing while Adelle cleaned up the kitchen and looked in the freezer to decide what to fix for supper . Midmorning , the pastor stuck his head in for just a moment to assure her that she was welcome to stay with them and to tell her that he was leaving for the church . " I 'll also try to go speak with Mr . Jenkins sometime this week , Adelle . Something 's not right here , and I hope we can figure it out . I won 't stand by and have your reputation smeared . It 's like slander against all us Mennonites as we are members of one another in our church . For now though , we won 't say anything to others . " " I 'm so very grateful for everything . Danke . " Adelle wiped a tear off her face with the back of her hand as she kneaded bread . A cobbler sat cooling on the counter . She was working off her nervous energy by baking . The little children still were happy , Adelle only had to step in to stop the baby from crawling off . Meat was thawing out to make a meatloaf later . For lunch she planned to make macaroni and cheese . She kept her eyes on the clock to make sure it would be done by noon . Finally , Susanne came out and picked up her youngest , who was only one year old . She still did not look very good , very pale . Her hair had not been brushed and re - braided yet this morning . " I don 't know what I would have done without you , Adelle . My husband has had to work from home the last few weeks . I can tell you that he is especially happy to have you here . " When the pastor came in for the midday meal , he suggested that she could go with him when he picked up the children from school . He would drop her off so she could clean out her little apartment and collect her things . Then he would swing by the store to do a small grocery shopping before picking her up on the way back to their home . He even was thoughtful enough to offer to give her key back to Mr . Jenkins for her . Adelle took a deep breath and let it out " Thank you . That would be great . I don 't have much , but I will have to clean a few things out of the refrigerator . I would hate to leave the place dirty , but I don 't know what to do about the dirty sheets and towels though . If I bring them here , I might be accused of stealing them , but I would hate to leave the poor man with extra work . " Adelle agreed . " That would solve that problem . Thanks . It 's nice to see you have a real washer and dryer . I 've only used a wringer and am used to hanging clothes out on a line . I 've been hand - washing my clothes at my apartment . I 'll have to ask Susanne how to use the big machines , " she grinned . " Ahh , yes , the washer - dryer issue . It caused a few ruffled feathers from some of the most conservative members when I purchased them , but it settled down as more and more of the congregation went out and did likewise . I have quite a band of happy housewives now who think I 'm wonderful for leading by example , " the pastor joked . That night after the meatloaf was gobbled up , a pounding on the door interrupted the family as they were enjoying the cobbler she 'd made . Jed burst in when the pastor opened the door . He was saying , " I can 't find Adelle anywhere . No one knows where she is . " The pastor only turned with a smirk and held his hand out to where she was sitting . " Would you care to join us , Jed ? Adelle makes a mighty fine cobbler , almost as good as my Susanne 's , " he said with a wink at his wife . " Oh . " Jed took off his baseball cap and ran his hand through his hair . " Sorry to burst in like this . I just got an ear - full by Mr . Jenkins . It was all I could do not to get back in his face . " " Of course you didn 't , Adelle . Anyone who knows you , knows that 's impossible . " Jed walked over to her as if no one else was in the room . " But I 'm so embarrassed . I don 't know what happened , " she whispered . He thumbed a tear that was trickling down her cheek . " Hey , did someone say there 's cobbler ? " As Adelle washed supper dishes , Jed and the pastor were talking quietly in the living room . She could only overhear a few things over the children 's happy chatter while doing their homework . She heard things like " people are talking , " and " some people in the church might not appreciate what you are doing for her . . . " She 'd not even thought of that . If her being here caused dissention , she 'd need to find somewhere else soon . She closed her eyes and prayed that God would allow truth to come out so that she could clear her name . She saw Jed glance over at her a couple of times as the men had their heads together and spoke more quietly . When the older daughter asked for her help with her homework , Adelle pasted on a forced smile and sat beside her to show her how to figure out the word problem . Jed came in and put his hand on her shoulder . A warmth went through her clear down to the pit of her stomach . " Walk with me out to my car , okay ? " His hand went around her shoulders . She 'd never been this close to a man before making her heart beat frantically . " Listen , Adelle , I don 't know why God is allowing all this trouble to fall upon you , but I want to assure you that I will stand by you . We 'll get to the bottom of this eventually . Are you okay ? " He turned her to face him lifting her chin to look at him . Adelle could only nod . As he looked into her eyes then down at her lips , she wondered if he was going to kiss her . Instead he released her , only to grab and squeeze her hand quickly just saying , " I 'm praying for you . Try not to worry , okay ? " Then she blinked and he was gone . " I won 't , " she managed to say though he couldn 't hear her as he got in his jeep and left . Then she berated herself for thinking his actions could be taken more personally . He was just a good friend looking out for her , just like her pastor and wife were doing . Which reminded her , she needed to find somewhere else to stay if it meant saving them grief from those who , like Grace , would think ill of her . " Adelle had someone in the back of her mind that she was now seriously considering . Her mother had mentioned at one time a great - aunt who was Mennonite . Adelle didn 't even know if the woman was still alive . She tried to remember where her mother had said that the lady lived . She took a deep breath and went back into the house . She still needed to put clean sheets on the single fold out bed in the girl 's room where she would sleep . The two little girls were giggling about having her staying with them . At least they had a double bed to share . After the lights were out , Adelle lay staring at the ceiling which reflected the moonlight and wondered where in the world she belonged . As she stirred the oatmeal the next morning , the kids were noisy with their simple chores . Becky the oldest told her younger sister to hurry up , that she was as slow as maple syrup . Adelle dropped the wooden spoon into the pot . " That 's it ! " Mapleton . That 's where her great - aunt lived . She was pretty sure her name was Eleanor Pitkins . She decided to go walk to the public phone booth by the gas station in the middle of town . Someone said that there weren 't many of those left , but here where the Amish lived , they were still often used . " Susanne , do you feel good enough for me to leave for a few minutes ? I wanted to walk and pick up a couple of things at the market , if you don 't mind . " Which she would do as soon as she made the call for information . " Do you need me to get you anything ? " " How about some more Saltines , and fishsticks . And cherry Jello . Oo , Jello sounds so good ! For some reason , the fish sticks even sound good to me right now . By the time they smell up the house cooking though , I 'll probably find them nauseating , but it 's worth a try . Anyway , it would take care of lunch . " Susanne spoke from her room where she was making her bed . " Ugh , just bending over to pull up the sheets makes me want to lose my breakfast . " " Here , let me do it then . " It only took Adelle a minute to have the bed made . Just leave that to me from now on . I can do it until you feel better . " It niggled Adelle 's conscience wondering if she would be here much longer , making promises she couldn 't keep . " I feel silly that I can 't even do something so simple without getting sick , " Susanne sighed . " I think having so many children this close together has taken the stuffings out of me . " The dark circles under her eyes attested to that . Adelle soon was off at a brisk walk . It would be hot by the time she walked back , but for now a cool morning breeze kept the sun from doing its harshest to breathe down her neck . Once at the pay phone booth , she put in the right coins . " I 'd like Mapleton , Ohio , please , for an Eleanor Pitkins . " She inserted more coins that were required to be automatically connected . It was obvious that the poor lady was hard of hearing and she had to practically shout to be heard asking if she could come for a visit explaining two or three times who she was . A couple of people walked by , but at least she didn 't recognize either of them . She was grateful that they weren 't Mennonite or Amish , at least not that she could tell by their dress . When her great - aunt finally understood who she was , she graciously offered for Adelle to come visit her . " It 's just a small house , but I have a spare room . Of course , I 've packed in a few things over the years so you might have to clean it out first . If you can find the bed , you can sleep on it . " Then the lady surprised Adelle by cackling . " I 'll go by the bus station and see if I can get a ticket to leave tomorrow . Thank you so much Aunt Eleanor . " Adelle almost felt sick to her stomach thinking about hurting Susanne 's feelings with her being so sick . Yet , it would be better in the long run rather than having people in the church upset with them for taking in someone many considered a thief . The bus station was just over from the gas station . She soon found a bus that would leave at 2 : 00 in the afternoon and had just enough left from her one and only paycheck to purchase a ticket . Good . That would leave her time to cook up a few meals ahead for her pastor 's family . Adelle quickly walked to the market putting the groceries on their tab , then back to the house where she found Susanne holding the baby in one arm and a throw up pail in the other . " Oh , dear . Let me take the baby for you , Susanne . " Then with the baby on her hip , Adelle set out the rest of the meat to be thawing in the sink . She also stirred the Jello until it was dissolved , leaving it to set before running the crackers into where Susanne now lay with an arm over her eyes . " Thank you , Adelle , I don 't know what I 'd do without you . " Guilt played across her mind , but she knew it would save them grief in the long run to have her gone . Adelle put the baby down in her crib for a nap , and began cooking up a storm , meatballs , shepherds pie , tuna casserole , stuffed peppers , and then fried chicken for their supper tonight . The rest would keep in the freezer . She also made an apple dump cake , brownies , and snickerdoodle cookies . The pastor walked in . " What 's all this ? It smells so good in here . " Adelle took a deep breath , then confessed to the pastor her plans for leaving . " I can 't stay where people suspect me of such a terrible thing . I just remembered that I have a great aunt in Mapleton , Ohio . I called and she invited me to come stay with her . It isn 't that I don 't enjoy staying with you . I really , really do and feel terrible about leaving Susanne while she 's so sick , but I can 't bear the thought of some of your members upset over you having me here . " " Oh , Adelle . " He shook his head . " You overheard us talking , didn 't you ? " She nodded looking down at her shoes . The poor man looked distraught . " I thought you were such a Godsend , but I understand . I can ask Susanne 's mother to come stay until she feels better . But please don 't feel like we want you gone , because we don 't . " That lightened up the discussion , especially when Susanne noticed all the food Adelle had been busy making . " Oh , my goodness ! I take a little nap and then you do all this ? " The baby woke up in the other room and Susanne went to go get her . " Jed . " Adelle 's eyes got big , then she turned to take the cookies out of the oven . " He 's been a good friend , but I 've been a lot of trouble for all of you . This will be best . " She frowned as she put the fish sticks in to bake . It was so hot in the kitchen now that she suggested a picnic outside in the shade under the elm tree . The little ones were happy , and Susanne was able to eat a few fish sticks without the overpowering smell that had filled the kitchen . The mint tea that Adelle brought her helped too . That night Adelle cried a few silent tears about leaving . She would miss the good pastor and wife , and she had to be honest , she 'd miss Jed . A lot . She 'd never had a friend like him . In the morning , she was like a whirlwind cleaning and catching up on the laundry . She put her winter cape in with the couple of dresses in her sack , one spare Mennonite one and then her old Amish one . She did not have much else to pack but her nightgown . When Adelle had left home , she 'd left her trunk there of handwork she 'd been sewing for years to save for when she got married . So with so few things , she would travel lightly . When she came out tugging the black garbage sack , Susanne asked , " If you are taking out the garbage , would you mind getting the bathroom trash too ? " Susanne 's mouth dropped open . " Oh , no you are not going to your great aunt 's like that ! What would she think of your friends ? Let me get you a small travel bag . It doesn 't look like you have much in there anyway , so a small one should do you . " " That 's not necessary , " Adelle tried to say , but her friend was already on her hands and knees pulling out a bag from under her bed . She needed help getting up . " Umph . I 'm getting soft . But here , this will be better than showing up with what looks like a bag of garbage . " " That 's ridiculous ! I have dresses in my closet that I 'll never fit back into . You can remake those to fit you when you get to your great - aunt 's . " She came out with five dresses over her arm . " But now you 'll need a bigger suitcase . This time I 'm going to have you get down and pull it out . " She wouldn 't listen to Adelle 's protests and so when it was time , the pastor drove her to the bus stop and pulled out her bigger suitcase from the back of his van . Adelle 's mouth fell open . " I thought I was trouble . You 've been so kind . Danke . " She shook his hand before boarding the bus . Then she looked back not sure what she had hoped to see , before turning to find a seat . With a belch of smelly diesel , the bus left her hometown behind and all that was dear . Adelle hardened her heart from shedding any more tears . She would write her mother after she arrived at Great - Aunt Eleanor 's house . What she hadn 't thought of was that it was dark when they arrived . Adelle didn 't know where her aunt lived and it looked like the bus depot had closed its doors before they got there . She looked around realizing that not all the passengers on the bus , especially some who had gotten off with her looked very reputable . " Hey , missy , do you need me to help you ? " A greasy - haired gap - toothed middle - aged man in overalls stepped in front of her . " No thanks . I 'm meeting someone . " That was true in that she 'd never met her great aunt before . " I 'm just going over there to the gas station to wait . " At least it still had its light on and a pay phone booth out front . When he still tried to grab her suitcase for her , she tugged it back . " No thank you , sir . I 've got it . " He winked at her then stumbled over to the bar across the street , the only other business still open . Adelle hurriedly put coins in the phone thankful she had the right change . Only no one answered . The coins dropped down in the slot at the bottom . She tried again . Still no answer , but this time the machine did not give her the money back . Adelle decided to walk into the gas station and ask at the counter . " Excuse me . . . " A young man about her age turned and grinned a little too big . " Do you know where Miss Eleanor Pitkins lives ? She 's an elderly woman . . . " " Oh , only about a mile and a half out of town . How come you are asking ? " He pointed to her suitcase . " Surely you aren 't planning to go stay there , are you ? " Adelle swallowed and felt like a deer in the headlights . " Gosh Golly , Almighty ! Who 'd thought the old lady had a looker like you in her family ? " Adelle felt like she was redder than the neon sign out front that advertised Camel cigarettes for cheap . " Listen , sugar , I close up in about thirty minutes and can run you out there . You sure you want to stay with that ol ' coot ? Cause I got a bed at my place and . . . " he winked . Adelle gasped . He backed up laughing , " Just kidding . I was just trying to get a little fun out of you . I can see you 're a good Mennonite girl . Is the old lady expecting you ? " Her eyes got big , but then narrowed in anger . " I think I 'd better call a driver instead . I don 't appreciate your manners . " " Hoo , howdy . Okay then , I 'll promise to be a gentleman . Here you can ask Sid . " Sid , can this little lady trust me to get her to her Aunt Eleanor Pitkins ? " " Thank you , then . I 'd appreciate the ride . " She threw up a prayer and hoped it reached heaven in time while she had a white knuckle grip on her suitcase . It turned out that he was indeed a gentleman in spite of his banter and had her at her aunt 's door in no time . He even insisted on carrying in her suitcase . He knocked . It seemed to take forever for the dog inside to quit barking and the door to slowly open . " Evening , Miss Pitkins . I found your niece here wandering around my Uncle Sid 's gas station . Thought you might want her special delivery . " Much to her surprise , the little lady got up on her tiptoes to pat the young man 's cheek . " You always were a good boy , Jimmy . Tell you mother hello for me , dear . " " Sure will , Miss Pitkins . It sure as shooting was a surprise to find your niece here almost as purty as you are . " He winked at Adelle , tipped his straw cowboy hat , then left . Her aunt was chuckling . " He 's always has been a charmer , ever since he could walk and pick dandelions in his chubby fist to bring to all the old ladies in town . Come in , come in so I can get a good look at you in the light . Well , goodness sakes , don 't you look like your pretty mama ! I 'll have to try hard to call you Adelle instead of Esther . If I slip up sometimes , please forgive this old woman her memory lapses . She plunked and fell back into a chair as if her knees were of no use whatsoever . " That was probably you calling , but I couldn 't get out of the chair fast enough to answer . " Then with her bony finger , she pointed at Adelle and said , " You 've got a story to tell , but I won 't try to weedle it out of you tonight . You look exhausted . But you best sleep on the couch here with the dog tonight and unbury the bed tomorrow when there 's light . I 've got cookies and milk waiting for you , then we 'll go to bed . " " Yes , aunte , that sounds gutt . " Adelle was surprised to find an unopened package of Oreo 's . She 'd thought her great aunt would have baked something like most women she knew would have . Adelle had never tasted that kind of packaged cookie , but was happy to try one , rather three or four . " I don 't do much baking any more . I hope you like to cook because I 've just about given up on that too and have been eating the dinners for seniors that they send out from town for us old folks so we won 't burn our houses down . After the last fire , they had a meeting and decided that I should be added to their list of Meals on Wheels . " Adelle would have been more taken aback , but she saw the twinkle in her great - aunt 's eyes . But she wasn 't kidding about sharing the couch with the dog . The old mutt let out a groan . Apparently , he wasn 't happy about sharing the hard piece of furniture either . It was too hot for the afgan her aunt offered but she took the sheet instead to put half under her and half over her doing her best to keep the dog from snuggling down inside it at her feet . Her dreams were of a bus slithering along as a diesel belching snake with Mr . Jenkins chasing her with his fist raised yelling , " Thief , thief , " then being rescued on a mule by Jimmy after giving it a drink out of the gas nozzle , then outrunning a whole bar full of greasy men in overalls chasing them , and her great - aunt 's dog laughing with a twinkle in his eyes , then with Jed staring at her with an expression she couldn 't understand . She jerked up saying , " Jed ! " Her heart was beating fast . She got her feet tangled up in the sheet and almost fell on the dog who yelped . It was morning . Her aunt just looked at her with her head cocked like a bird 's and said , " Jed ? Hmm . I think I can hear a story coming on after you get a little coffee in you and one of these Twinkies . " After it all was told , it was almost noon . She must have overslept this morning . She jumped up to find something to fix for lunch , but her Aunt Eleanor grabbed her by the wrist with surprising strength . " Dear girl , you have been through more change this past month than I pert near had my whole life . No wonder you don 't know if you are coming or going . But mark my words , that Jed is one to hold onto . I let one go like that years and years ago . The biggest mistake of my life . But if not , then Jimmy will do . . . " Adelle looked shocked which caused the old lady to cackle . " Just kidding , you sweetheart . I 'm sure you looked like the best thing since sliced bread to him , can 't blame him none for trying to butter you up . But oil and water never mix , nor oily gas station attendants and the fresh drink of water you 're proving to be . To tell the truth , I didn 't know what kind of trouble your mamm might be sending my way after marrying that scoundrel you call your stepdad . " Her aunt patted her hand . " I pray for that sweet woman and the trouble she got in her marriage . His sister keeps me informed . She doesn 't live far from here , you know . That 's how your mamm met your stepdad . She was here for a week when I fell and broke my hip . He was here visiting his sister . That man was a real charmer , that one . He kept coming over fixing everything he could while she was here . His sister felt real bad about it too . She hated seeing your mamm falling for it , but the woman , your mamm , was determined not to live alone to raise you children . It would have been a site better than what 's she 's had to put up with . " Adelle was stunned with her great - aunt 's candor . She wasn 't raised around adults speaking so freely . " I 'd forgotten that my mother had come here to be with you . We were living with my grandparents and running free on their farm at that time . They didn 't expect much of us after our dat had just died , so we weren 't prepared at all for the change when mamm up and married our stepdat . " She sighed , " I wish I could be there to protect my mamm and brother and sister , but I just can 't any more . He was determined to marry me off to an older Amish man . I had to leave . I 'd already decided to leave the Amish , so . . . " " I know your mamm must miss you , sweetheart , but she knows it 's for the best . She wrote your step - dad 's sister . They became good friends in the short time she was here . Unfortunately , your mamm assumed he would be as nice as his sister , but . . . " " No , ' nice ' isn 't a term I could ever use about him . " Adelle shook her head . " My dat wasn 't perfect , but I remember him as a good dat . " Now , let 's have a bite of lunch , then we 'll tackle that spare room . Aunt Ellie , as she insisted on being called , had some left - overs from earlier Meals on Wheels that they ate , then Adelle took the black garbage bag the frail woman held out to her , but was shocked when she yelled , " Tally - ho ! " and marched - shuffled her crooked self along . It was time to clean out the spare room . There were boxes of yellowed newspapers , cardboard boxes of old canning jars , stacks of fabric which Adelle carried out to the living room to wash , sort through and refold later . She found old aprons , kapps , and a moth - eaten cape . More blankets than one person could ever use even if they were an Eskimo in the Artic . There were shoeboxes of seed packets , tomato , cucumber and Moring Glories . There was even a tackle box and a fishing pole with a hook fastened into the pillow case . " Oops , " her Aunt Ellie smiled . " I guess that doesn 't belong in here either . " Finally they were down to the mouse droppings . Adelle kept the burn barrel going all afternoon and carried several more boxes out to the garbage . Some things went in the old barn , some in the shed , and some would have gone in the cellar , but the door was swollen shut and wouldn 't budge . " It 's probably best , " Aunt Ellie said . " Last time I went down there , it had too many spiders and even a garden snake . Any of the canned goods left there would probably explode if you touched them . " That was okay by Adelle . She wasn 't in a hurry to meet any spiders . She was covered in dust , her hair was coming loose from its pins , her kapp long gone buried somewhere when someone knocked on the door . But he walked right in up close to her and smiled . " There ain 't a prettier sight in the whole county than you darlin ' . " He thrust the flowers under her nose . " Oh good ! Aunt Ellie told me how you 've brought her flowers since you were just a little tyke . That is so nice of you , Jimmy , " she said tongue in cheek as she handed her aunt the bouquet . " That 's mighty nice of you to think of me , but you don 't have to bring me flowers to catch a glimpse of my niece . All you need to do is come to church Sunday . She 'll be there pretty as a picture . Maybe if you come to church , I might even invite you over for Sunday dinner afterwards . " Adelle stared as Jimmy winked as bold as you please right there in front of her aunt . Adelle brought him the lemonade in the correct glass . He drank it down as if he had a terrible thirst . " Well , Auntie Ellie , the teacher called the sheriff this morning because they got another bat in the schoolhouse that set all the little girls screaming . Before that something set off the burglar alarm at the Five and Dime , but we found out it was Elmer himself who did it again . The man needs to remember to turn it off quick like a bunny as soon as he lets himself in the door . Then Mrs . Byrce caught her hair on fire leaning over her burn barrel . Her son threw a bucket of water on her , but they took her on into the clinic to make sure she didn 't have any blisters . Poor Mrs . White 's children all got the chickenpox and lice at the same time and bought out all the treatment the drug store had on the shelf which made Mrs . Welch mad because her Johnny got a bad case of the nits and she had to take him clear into the city to find something to get ride of them even though everyone knows that all she needed to do was rub mayonnaise onto the boys head . . . " Adelle suddenly sucked in her breath . He probably had spread word all over town how she had come in late at night and that he had to come to her rescue . She 'd caught his eye . Then as if to read her mind he said , " Don 't worry , Miss Adelle . I didn 't tell nobody you came to town . Sid 's kept his mouth shut too and nobody listened to that ol ' drunk in overalls at the bar who swore he 'd seen an angel get off the Greyhound the other night . Did you think I 'd want every buck in the county beating at your aunt 's door to see you ? " Adelle blushed and jumped up off her chair to busy herself in the kitchen . He got up then too and came over to play with a loose strand of her hair as she froze . " I almost forgot . I brought your aunt 's Meals on Wheels . I 'd better go get ' em . I 've got other deliveries or I 'd love to stay . " He sighed and then trotted his boots in a rhythm beating down the rickety steps to his patrol car from where he brought in a couple Styrofoam boxes . His badge barely hung onto a ripped pocket on his western shirt . The man still smelled good she realized as he swept in close by her , not at all like cigarettes . He tipped his hat grinning , then left . Adelle then said , " Aunt Ellie , I could swear that young man is sweet on you ! ' That caused both of them to fall into a fit of laughter until they had to wipe the tears from their eyes . " You better watch yourself , Adelle . That young man has just about got whatever he set his cap for from the highest marks in school , to his high school trophies , to his degree from the junior college where he also played sports , to the top of his class at the academy to train for his position as deputy sheriff . He 's got everything except a gal , not that every girl in the county hasn 't tried to catch his eye . He 's just been biding his time until the right one comes along . He volunteers to bring the senior 's their meals while on his patrols , and has even been helping his Uncle Sid run his gas station in order to help keep Sid on the wagon . That man hasn 't had a drink in nearly a year thanks to Jimmy . That young man even keeps Sid 's cigarettes in his pocket to dole them out since his uncle 's trying to quit that too . Yep , he may act like a hillbilly , and is a big tease , but that 's a special young man . It 's just too bad he walked away from God when his daddy run off with the preacher 's wife . It 's hard to live something like that down in such a small town as this . He 's sure been good to his mama though . " " I 've been praying for Jimmy since he was just a little fella . There 's just something special about that boy . If I were to meet your Jed , then I 'd know better how to pray , howsoever . " Even though Adelle protested , it was evident that her aunt was she - who - will - be - obeyed . They both carefully and thoroughly washed their hands after handling the filth they 'd been digging through . She also decided to put the clover in the mason jar Jimmy had drank out of after first shaking a bee off outside . By nightfall , Adelle was thankful to sink down onto the surprisingly comfortable bed in a sparkling clean bedroom . The open window allowed her to watch fireflies and to listen to the cicadas through the screen . She finally felt more peaceful than she had in a long , long time , even though deep down there was still a bruise on her heart . The next project was to clean her aunt 's room , then the living room , the bathroom and the kitchen . By Saturday night , Adelle was weary but thankful that she could help her mother 's elderly aunt . Her thoughts went back to pastor and Susanne and the service they would have in their church in the morning . She wished she could have gone again . She wondered if Jed had found out that she 'd left town yet , and if he would miss her . Of course not . Why should he ? Then the thought of Mr . and Mrs . Jenkins and their accusations made her stomach feel sick . No , she was much better off here . It was a fresh start . She planned to write her mother tomorrow . It seemed that she thought about it just as she was falling asleep every night . She 'd worked herself up into a goodnight 's sleep ever since that first crazy night with that strange dream . Still , a tear slipped out the corner of her eye and slid down her cheek . Adelle told herself that she was just weary . The next morning , they were ready and waiting for her aunt 's best friend to pull up in her old Ford Galaxy 500 , a sedan with the color bleached out of the paint job . They climbed in . The doors groaned as they slammed them shut . She only hoped they wouldn 't fall off in heap of metal or that she wouldn 't fall out since her door refused to latch properly shut . She held it closed by the handle . Her aunt 's lady friend drove about five miles an hour all the way into town . Flies could go faster . In fact , they were waiting in church all abuzz to pester the sweaty bodies sitting on pine benches . It was a quaint old Mennonite Church with only a few boards of peeling paint though the yard had been neatly mowed and trimmed . Inside it was as simple as the outside , but with a warmth of spirit that had nothing to do with the summer heat . Of course , even though Jimmy swore he hadn 't told a soul , no one seemed surprised as she walked in with her Aunt Ellie . Everyone was quite friendly . Her aunt was as proud as a Mennonite peacock , since pride was looked down on . When she heard her aunt suck in her breath suddenly and whisper , " Hallelujah ! " she turned and spied Jimmy walking down the aisle . He stepped over her to sit between them . In her Aunt Ellie 's church evidently they believed in mixed seating . Sweat was beading where he 'd taken off his hat , a nice Stetson . He had slicked up really nicely though with new jeans , a white shirt and good boots . He still smelled nice . He caught her looking at him and smugly smiled . She just turned and looked straight forward . Just then something caught her attention . It was a familiar sound of a Jeep . They must all sound alike , she thought with a sigh as the song leader began singing a hymn , " He Leadeth Me . " She heard boots pound up the steps and pause . She bit her lip trying to fight away her Sunday morning memories from back home which squeezed her heart something fierce . Someone walked up the aisle and stood beside her . " May I sit here ? " She almost fainted . It was Jed . He looked over at Jimmy who balled his fists and glared at him . She looked back and forth between them for just a second , but then only had eyes for him . . Jimmy could have been a gnat , not worth swatting . She heard Aunt Ellie say , " Uhhuh , " then she patted Jimmy on the arm . With her other hand she 'd grabbed him so hard that he couldn 't escape unless he drug Aunt Ellie down the aisle and out with him , so he stayed put . Jed held the hymnal , and she was glad because she didn 't think she 'd have the strength . Every time his shoulder brushed up against hers , it was a dry lightning all over again . By the time the preacher started , they didn 't even try to pretend to listen to the sermon and spent most of the time glancing at each other and smiling . Her mama would have been scandalized , but Adelle boldly held her man 's hand in church , unabashedly , unashamedly . By the time church was over , Jimmy stormed out without a backwards glance stepping on her toes on his way out . Aunt Ellie could only tsk , but a bevy of girls in their ironed kapps chased after him . Surely one could catch him . " It doesn 't look like our other guest will make it for Sunday dinner , so would you like to join us ? You must be Jed . Adelle has told me all about you . " Aunt Ellie smiled knowingly . Aunt Ellie tried to get a conversation started a time or two as they sat around the dinner table , but gave up with a chuckle . " Uhhuh . " Was all she could say , which was more than the two of them combined managed . Finally after the dishes were washed , Aunt Ellie went in to lie down . Jed asked her to go for a walk . He led her down along a pond lined in shade . Their hands were tightly clasped . After they got to the shore , he looked down at her and said , " Why 'd you leave , Adelle ? Why didn 't you at least tell me goodbye ? " " Her eyes were shimmering in tears . " I heard you and pastor talking about how people might take it the wrong way with them housing me . I didn 't want to cause them any trouble with the church . Then about that time I finally remembered my mother had a great aunt who lived here . So I called her to see if she was still alive , and she invited me to come stay with her . So here I am . " " Did you know what else I was talking with pastor about ? I told him that if you would have me , I could provide a good home for you , could protect you from those wagging tongues , if you didn 't think I was too old for you . I told him I 'd want to marry you right quick , if you agreed . So when I found you gone , I just about went crazy . Pastor told me you 'd come to Mapleton , but forgot your great - aunt 's name . Then I went and talked with your mom all by herself one day when I knew your step - dad was gone to an auction . She was happy for you coming to see your aunt , but seemed happy for us if . . . " " She finally pulled his head down when he paused and kissed him . When he realized what she was trying to say , he kissed her back and then some , a then some more . Finally , they just looked into each other 's eyes as he said , " So , I 'm not too old for you ? " She shook her head no . Then he said , " So , you 'll marry me ? " She shook her head yes and smiled so sweetly it made his heart ache in a much better way than it had when he 'd found out that she 'd gone . " If it 's all the same to you , I 'd like to get married right away . " Again , she shook her head yes and just kept smiling in a sweet manner . Is that all you have to say , cause I have to say , I love you , Adelle . I truly do . Once again she pulled his head down and let him read her lips . After she 'd been baptized and joined the Mennonite church , they promised themselves to each other after a Sunday morning service . Her mother and siblings managed to come . Even Aunt Ellie had come having been brought by Adelle 's stepdat 's sister who had recently moved in with their elderly aunt to be her companion . The church had planned a potluck for them afterwards . Mr . and Mrs . Jenkins had come . The man visited their church recently , though not a Mennonite , and confessed that he 'd wrongly accused Adelle of theft . His wife , in her condition , he had said as he looked tenderly down at her , had been squirreling away wads of cash all over the house . He 'd been finding it in places like the pots and pans and in her shoes . He asked for Adelle 's forgiveness publically . Life couldn 't be sweeter . It was sweeter than a bouquet of wildflowers buzzing with bees . . Welcome to my blog ! We raised three children then fost - adopted three more , two of whom are at home . I 'm a grandmother of sixteen , have 36 years experience as a pastor 's wife , married to my man over 40 years . I 've authored a book and have my other books as e - books on amazon kindle . I was an art major at Point Loma College and still like to dabble , read , write , garden , travel , enjoy my family , and am learning to cook gluten free . My pug Max and old Sweetie weiner dog and cat are my comic relief . Please comment or request to be a facebook friend . I 'd love to hear from you . " Fill your paper with the breathing of your heart . " Wordsworth Attitude of Gratitude : lost & found summertime . It 's kind of like Hank today . He didn 't show up for dinner so we knew somethin . . . Attitude of Gratitude : lost & found summertime . It 's kind of like Hank today . He didn 't show up for dinner so we knew somethin . . . " Nest , " is a more serious work of historical fiction weaving Cherokee history with that of early Tennessee and the twist of those known as Welsh Indians . It is a path back through the tragedy of Native American history with redemption as a young woman is caught between worlds trying to find true love . " As Good As Engaged " is a fun short story of a Texas campmeeting romance set in the late 1870 's . What would you do if you were raised to think that a kiss was as good as engaged when a wild cowboy steals one ? Tifani " Oh , Susannah " is named for Susannah Wesley , mother of John and Charles Wesley who lived in the 1700 's but who is an inspiration for Christian women today . We will include writings of her life , spiritual inspiration , quotes from poetic thinkers , photography , art , crafts , recipes , insights for mothers and marriage , and church life ideas . We hope to illustrate how the beauty of holiness can be infused into everyday life , whereas " The absence of beauty hardens the heart . " ( Kate Morton ) Susannah Wesley was born in 1670 in a time of great turmoil of religion . Her father was a non - conformist leader of the Dissenters from the Church of England when one could be expelled from their parish , not allowed to teach or tutor , be fined and jailed . However , at age 13 , Susannah chose the Church of England . At age 19 she married Samuel Wesley then bore 17 children including John Wesley , the founder of the Methodist and holiness churches , and his brother Charles , a prolific hymn writer . She home schooled her surviving children , even preached in her kitchen to over a hundred , more than attended her husband 's services . When she refused to pray for the king , her husband declared he could not abide under the same roof , and thus began a year 's separation while he left on " official church business , " until the king died and it became a moot point . Her children knew not to bother mother while she sat daily in her kitchen with her apron over her face having her devotions . Somehow , Susannah carved out an hour each week to spend individually with each of her many children . Later we will give her list of child raising principles . Thus a woman who bore 17 children , endured great poverty and tragedies , left such a legacy and influence on those whose creed we share with her deep thoughts and life . Oh , Susannah !
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0 Kindergarten - Asher Benjamin Random Quotes " I wanted a perfect ending . . . Now I 've learned , the hard way , that some poems don 't rhyme , and some stories don 't have a clear beginning , middle , and end . Life is about not knowing , having to change , taking the moment and making the best of it , without knowing what 's going to happen next . Delicious ambiguity . " Gilda Radner So this past weekend , Asher hopped on one foot , five times in a row before losing his balance . However , he could not stand on one foot for more than a second ; he really struggled with finding a balance point . On the flip side , Asher 's sister , who is one year younger , could not hop on one foot more than two times , but she could stand on one foot for a long long time , well over a count to 25 . Next break is a four day weekend , soon , and he 'll turn 6 then . We 're still trying to plan what to do . A little driving trip is probably in sight . Since I wanted to put a baby gate around the Christmas tree ( to protect it from babies and pets and the babies and pets from it ) , I moved part of our sectional couch out of the corner of the family room , pushing it up against two other sections of couch , and we put up our tree in the corner . It is beautiful . I like it . I want to keep it up ALL year . Anyway . . . . So , now there is the high back part of the curved sectional piece kind of sticking out in the room . Asher likes to sit up on it , while he and Alexa play on the computer at the desk . But , he also likes to stand on it and balance and jump off onto the floor below . My son has never jumped off of something that high ( 3 feet ? ) off the floor . Mainly because he couldn 't do it before . But , now he can . Two weeks ago , or was it last week , anyway , he wanted me to help him on the monkey bars , so I did . But , mostly he got up there , hung from one bar , and then realized he couldn 't move to the next bar but was scared to let go . So , I taught him to not be scared . I told him to jump down to land on his feet and when he hit the ground to bend his knees . We have more than four inches ( probably almost six inches under the monkey bar section ) of rubber mulch under our playground , so I 'm not too worried about him jumping down that far . But , I am a bit more worried about him at school , where there is just sand , and a bunch of ' wild ' kids , so I wanted to teach him to fall safely . And , he just kept doing it , over and over again on his monkey bars at home . Climbing up , hanging from the first bar , then letting go and dropping to the ground . It was after that , that he started to jump high off the couch sectional , as I described above . Every time he did it , I cringed . Tonight , I started to get mad a bit , because now his baby brother , almost 17 months old , is starting to imitate him . Ah . . . . now my stomach is in knots . Hello . Lets not jump off the couch like that . Asher always did like to run and jump on the couch like it was a trampoline . I did a scrapbook page one time , titling it , " LetSo , about his physical strength . . . . when I watch him run , after he gets home from school , he takes a huge , huge stride and really swings his arms and really moves his hips . I 'm amazed watching him . He has come home from school and said his friends are always faster than him . He says , " D and B just go running right past me and get way ahead of me . " The thing is , now that he started eating his lunch again ( he went a week or so without eating and he was getting physically exhausted ) , when he gets off the bus , he wants to walk home , even run . Alexa wants to run with him . If she gets anywhere near him , from behind , he turns around and yells at her to , " Get away ! " " Stop it ! " And , I 'm not sure what the right thing to do is , but I want him to win , sometimes . I ask Alexa to let Asher beat her home . And , he is fast , but after a full day of school , come 3pm , he 's pretty tired , physically . If it were in the morning , I think he could beat Alexa in a running race . Anyway . . . . He 's growing up , so fast , right before my eyes . If I ever doubted my decision not to put him into formal physical therapy , I don 't anymore . One half a year in kindergarten , two to three recesses a day , PE every eight days I think it is , has helped him so much ! And , I 'm not taking him out of the classroom for PT at school , where he is learning to read and write , which at this point is more important at school since I struggle getting him to ' study ' at home . He has so much more confidence now that he 's in school . He 's gaining independence . He 's maturing and amazing me , every week . Two more days of school and second quarter is over . He then has two weeks off for winter break . I 'm also excited , because in January he has a couple of days off of school , and they happen to land right before his 6th birthday and right after , giving us a long four day weekend . So , we 're hoping to take a little trip . We 'll see how it plays out . Here 's a conversation while doing 1 1 / 2 hours of kindergarten homework , at the kitchen table , right after lunch . ( Let me add , the reason there was so much homework is I had him do about 85 % of the December homework as he was in a good mood and cruising through it so fast . And as of 12 / 16 he is all done with his December homework now . ) A " Oh . Well , I hope my heart doesn 't stop pumping then . It is going to pump and pump and pump . I 'm gunna get old . . . Ah . . . ( shaking his head a little to change his mind ) I want to live forever . " Lots to be thankful for , this year , each day . I could write a book on what I am thankful for , but I won 't . Not here . I do want to say I am thankful to the hospital staff for making Asher 's Wednesday MRI go soooo smoothly . Very happy with the care they gave him . We , of course , are still waiting the results , and most likely will get them at clinic mid - December . I 'm also thankful for my mom and her wonderful cooking . It was nice to relax and enjoy and I know she was tired , hot and feet hurt from cooking and I appreciate her so much ! We all were stuffed from Thanksgiving lunch . I 'm also thankful for my sister and her husband for making the 13 hour drive down to visit us . I could never image the chaos of getting ready to travel with 4 young kids or even actually doing it . I miss them and love seeing her 1 - 2 times a year . Asher is doing well ! However , he has started a low grade fever , yesterday , ( 100 ) , and just could not hear us the last two days . He only complained about a little pain in an ear , but asked which one , he couldn 't say . He never needed medicine for the pain or low grade fever . I am sure he has a double ear infection , or at least in one ear , so off to the doctor tomorrow . He still has a runny nose and is coughing , and this just seems on - going , and on - going . He has DIBELS testing , at school , starting tomorrow ( Dec 1 - 3 I think ) . . . . so . . . . not sure . . . . but I don 't think I 'm sending him to school tomorrow until we see the doctor . Asher had a 103 temp through the night and 104 by the time we got to the pediatrician at 9 : 45am . Nothing we did would bring it down . He 's on antibiotics for a double ear infection , starting today , for the next 10 days . Right now ( 12 : 45pm ) he 's asleep on the couch next to me . So , he 's missing school today , and tomorrow . The doc had flu shots this morning , but we 're going to wait till his ears are all better . His next set of vaccines are due in three weeks , so we can do it then . Asher will need two half doses of the flu vaccine . I started thinking this morning , as I am researching and thinking more about Asher at school . . . . he comes home from school a lot , talking about getting knocked down by a kid . It has happened so many times I have lost count . Yesterday he said , " A kid knocked me down into the concrete . See my knee . " He told me he didn 't even know the kid ( in the past , he 'd name the kid , and I recognize it from his class ) . Yesterday 's knee was actually scabbed , so I could tell it had bled . But , he said it didn 't , and that he didn 't go to the school nurse to get a band aide . I was thinking back to what the principal all said to me . One of which was how Asher 's teacher was concerned about his body movements during transition , arm movements , and speed . I assume going from one class or activity to another . I 'll bet Asher gets plowed over by other kids , who are usually always running , excited to get to where they are going . The principal wanted to know if he was in therapies right now . I gave her the run down of the evaluations we had done and that they weren 't all back yet . I did tell her that I just got back the PT one and the conclusion is that he is within normal limits and doesn 't need therapy . Interestingly enough , clinic was yesterday and I was asked , " Has his school called yet ? " I said no . So , I guess a day later and things have changed . Now I have to face reality again . I need to get outta the fog and stop pretending cancer didn 't happen . When I do this , sometimes it is hard to stop crying . Right now the tears are just flowing . . . and flowing . . . update Saturday 9 / 6 : 101 . 8 fever still , at 12pm Saturday . Slept from 8 : 30pm last night to 9 : 30am this morning . Not eating more than 2 bites a meal . Drinking though . Tylenol has been keeping the fever away , ever four hours , and he ate a huge dinner , but he went upstairs , shivering , to the den and fell asleep on the couch within minutes and by 6 : 30pm his fever reached a sudden 105 . 1 , freaking me out , but Motrin took it down to 101 . 5 by 7pm . . . . still no obvious reason for the fever , so watching him closely . . . . by 8pm his fever was gone ( temp around 99 . 6 ) and he wanted some chicken noodle soup , and now 9pm and he doesn 't sound tired . . . . yay motrin . . . . now hoping Scott will watch him around 11pm in case that fever returns , because I 'm going to bed , only got about 3 hours of sleep last night with the ding - dong ditchers ( who TP 'd our front yard and then rang our door bell ) at midnight and me not being able to fall asleep till almost 2am , and then Asher up at 5 : 30am with a fever and Andrew waking up a few minutes later and then heading out to mow the front yard and get the toilet paper outta my trees and bushes . . . . update Monday 9 / 8 : I fully intended to keep Asher home from school today , because of his fever through the evening yesterday , but I wasn 't expecting him to wake up crying with a fever so high the forehead scanner thermometer ( what is that called ? ) had " HI " as the readout , instead of a number ! For some reason when Asher gets a fever , one side of him is 2 degrees hotter than the other . So one side read 104 and the other " HI " . . . . you get the idea . I used an underarm read out of 104 . 5 to make sure I was getting the right number then . Motrin worked its magic , though , and he slept through the fever coming down to 99 . I can deal with fever associated with a reason for a fever , but it is another thing for me to emotionally , rationally deal with a fever with no known cause . So , my anxiety was going through the roof this morning , and I was almost in tears about it . Before Asher 's cancer diagnosis , I was a very laid back mom when it came to illnesses . I figured things would run their course ; no need to rush to a doctor . Nothing bad would ever happen to my kids . Lately I have been thinking about the worst possible things a fever could mean and I 've had nightmares the last two nights about very odd things . . . . Anyway . . . . he is eating just a little today , and drinking okay , and he is playing and playing since 10am , once he got up , along with another dose of Motrin . He has a pediatrician appointment tomorrow at 12 : 30 if his fever persists . Update Monday Night : Motrin is doing its job , with only 2 doses so far and one more before bed here , soon . After dinner , which he ate a very small amount of ( again ) , he did three homework sheets . He is always so happy to do them . I have his supplies in a box for him , which he says his school box . He got it out and did very well on his homework with me just reading the directions to him . He had to circle ten pictures of things that started with the letter T . Each time he said what a picture was , he said , " t - t - t - t - t " for the sound if it started with T and then he circled it . His teacher is doing an awesome job of teaching him and I 'm so proud of him , that he will show me what he knows and is enthusiastic . I notice very little frustration . He erases an error and tries again . He never used to be like this . Of course , I have him do home work on days he has not been in school . I have no idea how he will do once he needs to do some on a school night ( those nights are a challenge ) . Anyway . . . . we 'll see what the morning brings as far as a fever goes . Sometimes it is hard because I think , " Oh , he had Roseola as a kid , " or blah blah blah , and then I remember , oh yeah , we had to start over . He has no immunities , as of 3 / 13 / 07 , his immunities were wiped clean . Like that of a 1 1 / 2 year old toddler now , but he 's in kindergarten . Also , he can not have the measles vaccine or chicken pox vaccine until after 3 / 13 / 09 , so I worry a little bit more about him being exposed to those illnesses . . . . as well as a few others where he just isn 't caught up yet . Oh . . . . and something cute . . . . Asher went up for bath and he immediately got the armpit thermometer and took his temp and told daddy , " This is what my number is under my armpit . " update Tuesday night : So , still no answers to why the fever . It was 101 this morning I gave him Tylenol . It was 100 at the doctor 's office at 12 : 30pm , but , on the way out of the room , he grabbed his tummy in pain and his fever spiked up again . The doctor got to see it ( glad ! ) and she had the nurse give him Motrin then , so when he got home , his temp was 98 . 7 on the button . The doctor reminded us that he will have 2 year old illnesses " again . " She said we did right , day 4 of fever , go to the doctor . That is when they can start to test to rule things out . But , if the fever isn 't gone by Thursday , then we need to take him back in Friday because after day 6 of a fever , all sorts of other things could be the cause ( her words ) . Anyway . . . . part of me is hoping this is just roseola . . . . which he had at 13 months . . . . I 'm going to sit and watch for that chest rash . When asked if Asher could go to school tomorrow , her answer , " Oh no ! He 's too sick . " She is supposed to be faxing a note to the school . He 's been pretty moody today . . . . been a long day . . . . I think he 's tired . . . . So . . . . we 're waiting for the blood test for mono to come back . If that is negative , then we 'll take him to a nearby lab and get more blood taken so a full workup can be done . update Wednesday : Asher woke to a 100 . 5 fever , not too bad . He had motrin last night around 10pm and then this morning at 7am or so . It is now 3pm and I 'm not giving Motrin unless his fever returns . We shall see how the night plays out . update Wednesday night : When Scott got home , he carried Asher upstairs ( Asher said he couldn 't walk ) . . . . we had been playing sequence for kids . . . . Scott set him on the bed and turned around and he was asleep the next breath . I went up there and started talking to him and Scott said , " He 's already asleep . " Well , I woke him up , because I remembered he didn 't eat ( he had refused dinner at 5pm ) . So , it is 7 : 30pm now , and he 's eating some food . He went from 11am until 7 : 30pm without eating . Not normal for him . He still hasn 't had anymore Motrin or Tylenol . His temp has been fluctuating between 99 . 6 and 101 . 3 , and I 'm watching it closely . We 're getting to that magical point of having to call and bring him back to the doc ; if he has a fever tomorrow , we have to call for an appointment for Friday morning . I have been lifting Asher 's shirt all afternoon , and into the evening , hoping for a rash . With the lack of ' high ' fever returning , I was hoping for a sign of rash that would be the end of roseola . Anyway . . . . off to bed . . . . The MRI last Friday went well . Traffic was light due to the holiday weekend , and we got there at about 6 : 45am for a 8am scan . They actually took him in at 7 : 30am . While we were waiting to get called in , he asked for the cherry mask that he had last time . He talked about the machine going round and round and how he didn 't like it . It is the first time he has talked about the scan , before hand , with some anxiety . It is the first time he has told me details . I told the anesthesiologist to use the red mask so he was prepared and Asher wouldn 't get disappointed . All went fine and when he woke up he was very confused and upset and angry . . . . like a long time ago , when he got that way . . . . oh I haven 't forgotten . Anyway , he yelled at me all the way home . Nothing I did was right . Nothing I said was right . He wanted his daddy , not me . That he said many times over . I couldn 't drive home fast enough . Anyway , we were home by 10 : 15am , just in time for me to turn around and take Andrew to his well - checkup , a 45 minute drive in another direction . Asher had calmed down within a half hour of being home and once he ate , he was fine . No MRI results . No news is good news , I am sure . I am sure , too , that unless I made a point of trying to get them to call me , like I have in the past , they won 't call and I won 't have the MRI results till clinic , which is 3 weeks from today . The MRI was so early because it was his day off of school and I planned ahead . . . crazy mom . Asher 's neck was better by Sunday , but then Scott 's hurt and mine , too ! Oh , and Grandma Val 's too . So , it must have been some cold bug passing around . . . . our head and neck hurts along with being extremely tired . . . . School is going great for Asher ! ! I still get my sad moments , when I miss him tremendously during the day , or I get overly worried , but now I really just love that he loves to go to school . He 's learning so fast , too . When he comes home , over several hours , he will tell me random things that happened during his day at school . We read more and more and more books now before bed . It feels like so many that it puts me ( almost ) to sleep ! ! I 've started the bedtime routine at 5 : 45pm . Isn 't that insane ? ! Well , with 4 little ones to bathe and read to , it does take over an hour . It will be nice when the older two can shower or bathe themselves ! Scott gets home around 7pm ; so he only sees the kids in the morning now during the week . Asher is usually asleep by 6 : 30pm or 7pm at the latest now ! He 's getting about 11 hours of sleep at a minimum . He 's also eating almost all of his lunch now , including a full sandwhich , not just a half . So , I think the fact that he wasn 't eating a couple of weeks ago was just stress . I 'm just smiling at how much older Asher seems to be now that he has been in school for a month . The teacher has told me on a few occasions now , " He is always so polite and well behaved . He is an absolute joy to have in class . " He 's missed 4 days of school already , and I 'm hoping so much that he won 't miss any in September . But , we will see ! Yesterday he told me a boy threw up in the classroom . That flu is still spreading ; hopefully Asher already had that one ! The one thing that I 'm struggling with is Asher 's behavior at home , especially after school . I 'm not sure why he acts the way he does . Some days I just want to pull my hair out . . . . He is treating Alexa badly , with words and actions , and mom too . . . . . I guess at least he is good at school . . . . After washing Asher 's hair this morning , he immediately cried out in pain . In his head / neck , behind / below his left ear . I put some water in the microwave and then poured it over a towel and put it on his neck while he ate breakfast . I thought maybe it was a kink from sleeping or something . He seemed uncomfortable , but I sent him off to school ; Scott took him to the bus stop . 8 : 15 the phone rings . It is the school nurse telling me Asher is complaining his neck hurts and she said his temperature is elevated , 99 . 5 ( which is normal for him , especially if he had been outside for 25 minutes of playground time prior to the bell ringing ) . I talked to him and he was sad , but he was not complaining about his neck . I told the nurse to send him back to class and see how he does . But as soon as I hung up , I felt awful . I called Scott on his cell ; he was still driving to work . I was hoping he 'd say something that would make me feel better . He didn 't . I called the school nurse back and asked if Asher was still with her . She said no , that she gave him an ice pack and sent him to class . She talked about his " incision scar " and " does that bother him " and a few other things . She said this was the first time she has met Asher ; " He 's not a complainer , " she said . She said he might be coming down with something as the kindergarten class kids are sick a lot . Tell me about it . Two colds and a 72 hour flu all in one month . That 's the sickest he has ever been ( besides cancer ) , I thought . I was near in tears and said I was coming to get him . I picked him up from school . He 's walking around with a stiff neck . He seems overly tired , all of a sudden . I gave him some Tylenol . At least his MRI is tomorrow . . . . 2nd week of school was okay . A couple of mornings were a challenge to get Asher ready to go to school . One morning , he was in such a good mood , but then after breakfast he coughed so hard he threw up . His cold seemed to get worse before it got better . Anyway , after an hour to watch him , he seemed fine and was getting a bit bored and I asked him if he wanted to go to school , so when he said yes , I took him and signed him in and got him a late pass . There is a boy in his class that he seems to be getting into trouble with . Two days in a row . I 'm not sure what , maybe talking , the first day . He told me he got a timeout because he was doing something naughty with D . The second day , I actually got a call from the teacher after school , right as I was headed out the door to get Asher from the bus stop . It didn 't seem major , but Asher is a sensitive child . Apparently he went out to the bathroom with his friend from class and they took too long to come back and the teacher went looking for them . There is a drinking fountain outside the bathroom , which I think is where she found them . She said she saw the other boy spitting water at Asher . She did say she didn 't think Asher was spitting water ; she didn 't see him . She said , " He was very upset . " But , I don 't really think he was upset about the boy spitting water at him . He told me later that night , right before bed , " My teacher yelled at me . I cried and cried . She broke my heart . " She had told me she just wanted to make sure they understood to go to the bathroom and come back to class right away . So , that 's what I explained to Asher , too . I can imagine , that it would be easy to get distracted , to go from class to the bathroom , when it is outside . I grew up where the entire school was enclosed under one roof . Here , in AZ , where it is so warm , year round , there are no hallways . They walk outside each time they transition to different classrooms , or need to go to the bathroom . I was really proud of him , by Friday I was able to drop him at the bus stop , from the van , and he stood waiting with the other two kids . I waved from the van when he was on the bus looking out the window . Friday afternoon they gave us an updated bus schedule and I saw there is actually a bus stop a bit closer to our house , so I think I 'll have Asher use that one because in 2 months when the temps are cooled off enough to walk , we can walk to that stop then . It is also on a less major street in our development with less traffic ( I think ) . Saturday Asher was in such a great mood , until around 4pm when he started holding his tummy . About 30 minutes later he started vomiting , and he hasn 't stopped . He did tell me last night that a boy threw up in class , " Not me , " he said , " Just one boy . " I was happy ( is that the right word ) when I took his temp at 9pm and he had a fever of 102 . A fever is a good thing ; he 's sick . There isn 't something wrong in his head . His cancer is not back . He 's just sick . He has also been sleeping since around 8pm last night . When I saw him a couple of hours ago in bed , after he threw up ( bile ) , he said , " Mom , leave me alone when I 'm sick . " The first week I had such a horrible time , emotionally . Just felt so out of sorts ! Actually , this past week too . But , the first week I realized something . I do a lot of self analyzing . I think a lot . I try to figure out why I feel a certain way or why I react a certain way . I 'm my own worst critic in that way . Anyway , so the first week I wanted to understand why I felt so horrible . Was this just a control issue . Asher is in kindergarten , in someone else 's care , and I have no control . No . After 3 days of wondering and thinking and analyzing , I figured it out , with the help of so many flooded memories coming back to me . As I was sitting at home , Asher at school , and feeling horrible , I realized having Asher at school , and not at home , reminded me of a time when Asher was in the hospital and I would be at home , alone , with the girls . With the exception of Andrew , toddling around , walking and smiling and laughing , it felt so much like 2 year ago when Asher was in the hospital . The day of his diagnosis invaded my thoughts part of Wednesday , that first week of school . It felt like I was re - living it . It was powerful , it was horrible . When I finally figured out how I felt and why , I had a solution . Every time I started to feel bad , I told myself , " He 's not sick . He 's just at school . You 'll go pick him up at the bus stop at x time . He 'll be home , soon . " After two days of doing that , I started to feel so much better . I still feel weird , as far as him being in school and me not knowing what he 's doing , etc . But , I don 't feel horrible , like I 'm having a panic attack . The bad memories have stayed away and I 'm functioning again . I can not only take care of the kids , I can clean up the kitchen and do other daily tasks . Sounds silly , but it was pretty bad that first week . This morning , while I sat next to him in bed , as he threw up , I had some bad feelings . . . . about watching him throw up . . . . but , then I told myself , he 's going to be better in a day and not throwing up anymore . What a good thing that will be . I told Asher too , you 'll feel better in a day or so and then you can eat and drink and play again . Asher complained about his throat hurting Friday afternoon / night but it wasn 't until Saturday afternoon , when I realized he sounded sick , that I realized he was sick . Didn 't help that he just told me a pretzel was stuck in his throat , and I didn 't know if I should run him off to the hospital . Sometimes my boy makes things up . By Sunday morning he had a dry cough , and an hour before bed he had laryngitis ( good thing for spell check on this blog software ) . He was upset he didn 't get to " play . " And , it seems like there is so little time to play at home now too . He eats a snack once home and then watches a little TV and rests in his bean bag . Then it is dinner time and only one hour to play before bath and bed routine . He isn 't eating much during lunch . I 'm not sure if he is stressed . The food I give him is the food he eats at home all the time . Yesterday after school he was starving . He had grapes and was in a very good mood . He 's gone from 7 : 25am - 3 : 20pm . . . . such a long day and I 'm really missing him at home . Yesterday , after school , he told me that his teacher hurt his feelings . I asked why and he said , " Because I wanted you . " Last night before falling asleep he told me a boy touched his scar ( he pointed to the back of his head ) . I asked him what he told the boy . He said , " I told him the doctors did something naughty back there . " I reminded him he had an owie and the doctors fixed it and it was okay to tell a boy or anyone that asks . I asked him if he tells anyone he had cancer and he said , " No , that 's a secret . " Each night we continue to read before bed . Nothing new there . We have done that since he was a baby . But , now I write down the books we read each day on a log . His homework is to be read to for 15 minutes a day . We read for at least 30 . I about cried when Asher came off the bus today . . . . He was not happy . He was tired . He was sad . I could sense it as he walked down the bus steps , so I knew right away I probably would ask very little , if anything , until he had time to rest . As I took his hand , to walk across the street back to the other 3 A - kids in the wagon , he said : As we walked , I noticed Asher was walking only on his tip toes . I have never seen him do this with shoes on , only barefoot in the house ( and more so right after treatment ended than currently ) . I saw this as a sign he was physical wore out . He said , " A big boy helped me find my bus . " This kind of worried me as the teacher told us at open house that she personally took each kid to the bus . . . . but , suppose the class size is too big she really can 't do that and has helpers . I want to find out who this helper is , if this is the case . He also had a ' 5 ' written on his hand in black and a paper bracelet on with the bus number and drop - off intersection . He said , " My teacher was rude . She said if we didn 't be quiet it would take us longer to get out the door . " He said , " Why did you give me chips ? I didn 't want chips . " I slowly opened his backpack and folders to see what he brought home ( a colored picture , a note from the teacher ( form letter ) , a sheet of paper to fill in about Asher for " Friends Forever . " I opened his lunch bag to see he didn 't eat much of his lunch . I saw all his chips were crushed and broken ( no wonder he was upset about the chips , because I knew he liked them ) . Scott got home an hour or more earlier than normal . He had called me and I told him the day wasn 't so great for Asher . When he got home , Asher got a huge smile on his face , for a second , then he went running down the hall to tell him about the naughty boys on the bus and the rude teacher . . . . Then Scott tried to get Asher to talk more and Asher said he didn 't want to , so Scott backed off , which I think was good . They went swimming then and Scott told me Asher said a couple more things about his day . He said , " He ate alone at lunch . " He said , " I don 't really like music . " And , maybe tomorrow during lunch I won 't get a plate out for him to eat on and Alexa won 't set a place at the table for him to eat at . Alexa and I both had a little laugh about it after she said , " Oh , Asher isn 't here " and she picked up the place mat she had put out for him and put it away . I told her , " Oh , and I got him a plate out . " So , I put the plate back in the cupboard .
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The hole was looking better than any hole she 'd ever dug before . By now it was twice as tall as she was and the walls were almost perfectly vertical . They formed a circle six feet in diameter . The dirt was solid and held together well , and when she looked up she could see roots sticking out of the sides like bony fingers and bits of hair . He wheezed and moaned as he approached , and her first reaction was anger . Why would people not leave her alone ? She went out of her way not to be in theirs . She had tramped back through these woods for twenty minutes before she picked this spot to dig . She knew people didn 't like her . It was because of the fire , what the flames had done . The doctor said he could fix her face , but Pappy said that even if he had that kind of money he wouldn 't spend it on a kid that wasn 't even his . Momma didn 't like it when Pappy said that , but Momma was in prison after the fire , so she was with Pappy and that was that . Pappy said she was a monster . " Like some freak out of some horror movie , ain 't she ? " he 'd told his friends one night when they were getting drunk and loud . Molly knew all about horror movies . She had watched them all the time when Momma was around . She had a big binder full of DVDs that had belonged to Momma and late at night after Pappy had gone to bed she would sit in her room and watch guts splatter and the blood spray until she couldn 't keep her eyes open any more . The moaning got louder , and Molly started to worry . She took the rusty shovel she 'd found in Pappy 's old tool shed and tossed it out over her head . Then she grabbed the knotted rope she 'd tied to a tree , and pulled herself out . She was still climbing out of the hole , legs scrabbling against dirt , hands clenching the rope when she saw the zombie . It was only twenty feet away , but it was facing away from her , maybe staring after some squirrel that it had seen skittering through the leaves . But this zombie was alone . In the movies zombies came in big packs that would surround the heroes and try to eat them . That 's what made them so dangerous . But one zombie alone … even she could deal with him . She climbed out of the hole as quietly as possible , and picked up the shovel . It was too big for her , and the zombie was taller than she , but she thought she stood a decent chance of bashing in its skull if she got a good swing going . She adjusted her grip on the handle . The zombie still hadn 't moved , hadn 't noticed her standing there . The thing turned , groaned , lurched toward her arms out . So this was a proper slow zombie then , and not one of the running ones . Momma always said that the fast ones weren 't really zombies , but Molly thought that it probably didn 't matter really as long as the person had been dead and now they were alive again . Staying out of its reach was easy enough . She could walk faster than the poor shambling thing , never mind running . She raised the shovel for the killing blow as the dead man shambled toward her , but something gave her pause . He was wearing dirty blue jeans and a shirt for a band called the Insane Clown Pose . She 'd seen some of Momma 's old friends with the same shirt . Momma didn 't like the band , which Molly never understood , because she thought Insane Clown Pose sounded like the name of a great scary movie . She kept her eyes on it , backing away slowly , leading it on toward the hole . When she reached the edge of the pit she skirted around the hole as close as she dared without falling in . The zombie lurched onward . If it was smart it would go around the pit and she 'd have to lead it back around and knock it in with a branch or the handle of the shovel . But she didn 't have to worry . The zombie stumbled straight forward and fell down into the hole . It landed with a grunt and a raw snapping sound that wasn 't quite like anything she 'd heard in the movies . She tiptoed back to the edge of the pit and looked in , worried that the zombie might have hit his head too hard and split his skull open , but when she looked down into the hole she saw that the zombie had only broken his arm . The bone was sticking out of the rotted flesh at an odd angle , but she 'd seen worse before , and anyway everyone knew that zombies didn 't use their arms for much anyway . She sat down cross - legged at the edge of the hole , and watched as the zombie scrabbled dumbly at the earthen sides of its prison . " You can 't get out you know , " she said . " And anyway if you did someone would shoot you . " " Not much good being one zombie is it ? " she continued . " I mean , I 'm only a little girl and you 're not much danger at all . You 're supposed to come in big hoards . " She tossed a twig into the pit . " You like that word ? ' Hoards ' ? It means a big bunch of people or creatures . I saw it in one of mommy 's scary movies . " " What happened to your hoard ? " Suzy asked . " Did they leave you ? Were they taken away ? My Momma was taken away after the big fire . Pappy says she 's in prison for cooking something , but that 's silly because Momma couldn 't cook to save her life . " The girl sighed and leaned back looking at the leaves rustling overhead . " Maybe you never had a hoard , " she said . " Maybe you 're the first . You know what that means ? That means you 're unique , and unique means special . You 're the only zombie in the whole wide world and I found you . " From far away she heard the sound of Pappy calling her name . " You stay here , " she said . " I have to go now , but I 'll come tomorrow and bring you something to eat . " Pappy sent her to bed early that night , but she lay there awake for more than an hour thinking about zombie . She knew zombies didn 't get lonely , or worried or scared , but she thought that maybe her zombie did . Just a little . And it made her sad to think of him out there scraping against the dirt walls of the pit all by himself in the dark . The next day , school took forever . Scotty Preston pushed her into some bushes and Laura Darcy and Stacy Stiles laughed and called her trailer trash . She waited until they couldn 't see her before she let herself cry . When the bus pulled up on her road she almost tripped on the bottom step she was in such a hurry . But she didn 't go straight into the woods . Instead she swerved off the path to the left where old man Jenkins mobile home sat , half - buried in a pile of old trash bags . A colony of rats had infested the heap , burrowing tunnels through the thin plastic bags and rotting food like huge ants . Molly liked the rats . Momma had sometimes watched movies where princesses in beautiful dresses had singing and talking rats for friends . Molly didn 't like these movies as much as the ones with the monsters and the zombies , but she liked idea of talking rats and sometimes when she was bored she would come down the lane and talk to the rats . The rats never talked back , though Molly couldn 't be sure if this was because they didn 't know how or simply didn 't want to talk to someone as scary looking as her . Today , she merely waved and said " Hello rats ! " as she passed the mound of trash . She marched right up onto the porch where Mr . Jenkin 's cat Captain Tinkles was lounging in the sun . Captain Tinkles probably wasn 't his real name , but Molly had never heard Mr . Jenkins call him much of anything other than " lazy cat " and saying " Captain Tinkles " made her laugh . Captain Tinkles was sitting on the porch , watching the rat mound with a look of practiced disinterest . He barely turned his head when Molly walked up and said , " Hello Mr . Tinkles . " But when she wrapped her arms around him and tried to stuff him into her backpack the formerly lazy cat fought and clawed at her arms so much that eventually she gave up on using the bag and decided to carry him instead . Captain Tinkles didn 't particularly like being carried , but Molly suspected that the rats didn 't particularly like being eaten and that had never stopped Captain Tinkles , so she didn 't see why it should stop her either . The cat scratched at her arms all the way back into the woods , but she kept a firm grip around his body . If she lost him now she 'd be all afternoon chasing him down again , and there was a spelling test she needed to study for and Pappy wouldn 't like it if she came home too late . Captain Tinkles seemed to sense that something was very wrong indeed here and began to scratch and squirm more than ever . But Molly held on tight to the cat and held him out over the pit . The zombie turned its head up and gave a low groan and Molly dropped the cat into the hole . Captain Tinkles put up a pretty good fight . He ran circles in the bottom of the hole for a while , and because the zombie was slow he couldn 't catch him at first . He tried a couple of times to climb up the side of the hole , but his paws couldn 't find purchase in the dirt wall and he sank back to the bottom both times . It wasn 't long after that the zombie caught him . Captain Tinkles rowled and thrashed in the zombie 's rotting arms . He swiped out with his claws and tore off half of the zombies nose , but the zombie didn 't much seem to mind . He tore into Captain Tinkles ' soft stomach with yellowed teeth and ripped out chunks of bloody fur . After a while Captain Tinkles stopped thrashing . That night she ate microwaved pizza in her bed and watched an old movie about birds that killed people and took over the world . It was in black and white and the gore wasn 't as good and nasty as it was in a lot of movies , but she watched it all the way through . Pappy was out tonight and there was no one to yell at her to turn off the lights and go to bed . When the movie was over she got out a piece of paper and wrote down what had happened in the movie . Then , she wrote about the zombie in the hole because she thought that might be interesting too . When she was done she put the letter in an envelope and put Momma 's prison address on it . The next day she was on her hands and knees looking under the soda machines at school for enough quarters to buy a stamp with when someone kicked her hard in the backside and sent her sprawling forward so her face hit the ground hard . Her lip split open and started to bleed and hot tears welled up in her eyes . She tried to get up and fight back , but he pushed her back down and ran away laughing . In the bathroom she held a wad of paper towels against her lip until the bleeding slowed . She didn 't like it in the bathroom . There were too many mirrors . " That 's not who I am , " she would tell herself , but she saw the way that people didn 't want to look at her , even nice people , and she wasn 't so sure . Maybe Scotty and the rest of the kids were right to be mean to her . On TV the good people were always beautiful . Only evil people were ugly . When she got home Pappy was drunk . He was waving a piece of paper around and yelling and cursing a lot . He seemed sort of mad at her , but he was crying too , and between the blubbering and slurred words he was hard to understand so she took the paper he was waving around and read it . Molly didn 't cry . She wanted to , but she didn 't . She though of the face in the mirror . She couldn 't imagine that face crying . Monsters didn 't cry . She paused for a moment trying to think what she could say that would budge him out of his drunken stupor , finally settling for , " There 's a man . He fell in a hole in the woods and he can 't get out . He 's hurt real bad . " She led him back into the woods . She was worried it would be hard to push him into the hole with her zombie . Then she thought of her dead Momma and the face and the mirror and all the mean things Pappy had said about her . She waited until the screams died out and then walked back to the house . She walked to Mr . Jenkins trailer and knocked on the door . She said , " Mr . Jenkins I think my dad is hurt . " Now the hole was getting crowded . She went to Pappy 's old shed and got a ladder . The sun was starting to go down by the time she dragged it back out and let it down into the hole . She waited to make sure the three groaning zombies were smart enough to climb out then she ran back toward the house as fast as she could . A little later she heard screams and the crack of gunshots coming from down the drive . She turned up the volume and kept watching . But before the movie was over her eyes grew heavy and she fell into sleep . The sun shone down from a perfect blue sky , and the warm breeze tugged playfully at the collar of his shirt . Roger took a deep breath and let it out . It occurred to him he was very close to being happy , and he tried to remember the last time he had felt this way . Not for more than four weeks weeks . Not since - The phone rang . The sound carried through the window Roger had opened to let the spring air into the house , clanging alarm - bell urgent in his ears . His heart jumped in his chest , and he felt a familiar terror begin to claw at his gut . He squeezed his eyes shut and shoved his fingers in his ears like child , but he could still hear the sound , dim and distant , braying its accusation at him . " Go away , " he whispered . " Please just go away . It 's not my fault . It isn 't ME you want . I didn 't do it . " It was only twenty dollars , but he had been saving it , hiding it really , planning to splurge on something nice . And now it was gone . Because of her . Back at home he installed the filter in the pump and set it running . He poured the various quantities of chemicals into the pool , imagining himself a mad scientist preparing deadly toxic goo in a huge cauldron . But when he looked down into the green water he saw a kind of darkness there that he did not like . But he was struck with the strange superstition that the person on the other end of the line knew he was there . It was silly of course . It was only coincidence that the phone had begun ringing at that moment , the very moment his foot had crossed the threshold of the door . " Hello , am I speaking with Mr . Gabriel ? " The voice on the other end of the line was young and sweet . Too young . Too sweet . Roger thought again of the girl who had checked him out at the supermarket . When had the world gotten so young ? Roger felt something snap in his mind , his carefully - measured restraint breaking with what he almost believed was an audible popping sound . " It 's not FAIR ! " he shouted , suddenly past caring what this girl thought of him . " I didn 't do it . Not one red cent . I tried to stop her . I tried to tell her to be careful , but she wouldn 't listen . And YOU … " " … you put it in front of her like a pile of candy in front of a child . What did you think she was going to do ? Did you think she would show self restraint ? Did you think she would stop ? With a wallet full of free money and those wonderfully low minimum payments . You 're all nothing more than loan sharks , you hear me ? With big names and legal departments instead of guns . Well you 're going to have to transfer that account , Samantha . You 're going to have to send your legal goons after me to break my kneecaps . Because there is NOTHING … LEFT ! " His voice had pitched up into a shriek , and he slammed the phone down into the receiver and sank down to the floor , his shoulders shaking with grief and rage . When the phone rang again he ripped it from its mooring and hurled it across the room . It landed with a satisfying clatter , made a final lonely , " ting " sound and fell silent . But that wouldn 't stop them , he knew , it wouldn 't even slow them down . There were other ways they could get at him . So he got up and returned the phone to its place . Temper tantrums were for children . He had to be better than that . She looked up at him , her eyes momentarily wide with surprise . " You 're home early , " she said , an uncertain smile playing across her face . " Is everything okay ? " " Everything 's fine , " Roger said . " Fine . It was - well you know how nice the weather 's been lately , and we finished early on the project we were working on , so I asked Mr . Howard , and he said that it would be okay with him if I , you know , knocked off early . " He was aware that his words were running into one another , and his palms were sweating , but Stephanie didn 't take any notice . Finally , around three in the morning , after hanging somewhere between a nightmare and the terror of his conscious imagination he slipped quietly out of bed and went outside . He had thought only to get a lungful of fresh air , but once he was out there in the dark he heard the pump running and found himself climbing the stairs to the wooden deck that surrounded the pool . He stood there for a long time watching the moonlight flickering off the dark water . He pushed off the ladder , lay back in the water , and looked up at the stars overhead . If he held his head just so all he could see was the black starry sky . He could imagine himself drifting slowly , forever through an endless ocean , peaceful , suspended beneath a glittering black firmament . He thrashed about in a sudden panic , and for a moment his head dipped below the surface . He kicked over to the edge of the pool where he clung to the ladder , shaking . He looked down into the water , eyes searching for the familiar blue nylon and finding only blackness instead . It couldn 't be . Someone had … what ? Dug out the bottom of his pool and filled it with water again ? It didn 't make any sense . It simply ended . He could feel the edge of the thin strip of nylon and beyond it , impossibly , was more water . He pulled himself up toward the surface , mind reeling , and just then he felt something scrape against his foot , something rough and jagged like sandpaper . He looked down and caught a glimpse of a ghostly white shape , and then he was heaving himself up and out of the pool , collapsing on the deck , clinging to it , something solid . Something familiar . Of course it wasn 't real . He 'd been under a lot of stress . He was tired . His mind was prone to … tricks . That 's all this was . A trick . Nothing more . He shut his eyes and felt his teeth clench together . " When I was younger , I used to think one day I 'd be some sort of artist , " he said , forcing calm into his voice . " I was never very good with paints , but I did some good stuff with pencils and charcoal . " She laughed then , not a mocking laugh , but a sound of true mirth , and somehow that cut him even deeper . " I can 't imagine you as an artist , " she said . " And I certainly can 't imagine myself as an artist 's wife . " When he 'd met Stephanie he 'd thought she was the most beautiful thing he 'd ever seen . Now , even after ten years of marriage , he still thought so . But he had learned that if you wanted to pay with the shiniest toy in the store you had to pay the price . She was ten years younger than him . And that had been ten years ago . The years had been kind to her . She was the same perfect creature she had been when she first caught his eye . He had not been so blessed . At thirty he had been vaguely handsome , his gut only slightly thicker than it should be , his hair only showing the first signs of thinning . Now he was downright pudgy and wisps of what was left of his hair drifted over his scalp like winter clouds . Once , last year when he and Stephanie had been out on a date night someone had mistaken her for his daughter . If Carl had been a more cynical man he might have thought of his wife as a gold digger , but that line of thought didn 't ring true . He hadn 't been even close to the biggest fish in her pond when it came to money . She 'd fallen in love with him because he 'd worked very hard to make her fall in love with him . Then he was scratching , scribbling , scrawling on a wrinkled napkin , the point of the pen ripping through the thin paper leaving shreds of the material hanging like tattered ribbons of flesh . When he was done the napkin was covered in ink from corner to corner , angry lines crisscrossing , a chaos of intersections across the paper . The only place left untouched was at the center , where a patch of white marked out a strangely familiar silhouette , a thing of power and grace that lived in the void between the lines . Roger looked at the thing , at the sleek torpedo of its body and the razor curve of its fins , and saw without understanding the thing he had created . But had he created it ? Or was it there all along ? Just under the surface , lurking , gliding , hunting … Stephanie was gone by the time he got home , off socializing with one friend of hers or another ; he could never quite tell them apart . Roger didn 't bother going into the house , but instead went straight to pool in the back yard . Here in the light of day , there was no denying what he was seeing : there was no bottom . He grabbed the extendable pole with the net on the end used for dipping leaves and other debris from the water . He plunged it into the pool , pushing it down as far as it would go . It didn 't hit bottom . He went inside and found a spool of string and a heavy lead fishing weight and then back out to the pool where he dropped the weighted string into the water . The plastic spool spun and spun in his hands for a long time until the string ran out and the sudden jerk yanked the spool out of his hands . It fell , bouncing once on the deck then disappearing over the edge into the water . Roger lay on his belly and crawled toward the edge of the pool peering down into the water . There was no sign of the spool , but down there in the impossible depths he thought he saw something move , no more than a hint of a shape , a grey - white streak against the perfect darkness . And then it was gone . At the store again he rummaged through clothing racks in the women 's section . He saw a sales girl giving him an odd look , and he flashed her a smile . She turned away with something like disgust on her face . He was just shoving some tissue paper into the mouth of the bag when he heard her car in the drive . He met her coming in the front door . She kissed him like she always did , but there was something different in her eyes . " He said you 'd been laid off , " Stephanie went on , not even looking at the bag he pressed into her hands . " Nearly a month ago . Is that true ? " " Listen , " he said , more sharply than he meant , then again , more softly , " Listen . I didn 't want to worry you . Things have been bad , yes , but - " The phone started to ring . Stephanie stepped toward it , but Roger put out a hand to stop her . " It 's probably a telemarketer , " he said , trying to keep his voice calm . He could feel the old panic trying to overwhelm him , but he pushed it down . He was in control . He could do this . " I 've looking for a new job , " he said , his voice strained as he struggled to maintain the facade of normalcy . " I 've got some good prospects . I just didn 't want you to worry . " She shook her head and an infuriating look of pity came into her face . " I 'm your wife . We 're in this together . For better or worse , right ? " " Till death do us part , " he agreed , fingernails digging into the flesh of his palm . " But right now I want to forget about all of that just for a while . Open the present I got for you . " Almost there , he thought . " I know it 's early , but it 's been so warm these last few days . And I just thought , well … " She said nothing , only wrapped her arms around him , and raised her lips to his . When he broke off the kiss , she ran a hand down his arm . " We 're going to be okay , " she said . " You and me . " He paddled over to her and wrapped his arms around her . " Don 't worry , " he whispered into her ear . " We 're going to be okay . " That was the moment that he felt the shark 's teeth sink into his leg . It pulled him down , rolling it 's great pale body , trying to rip the limb completely off . He held Stephanie as he went under , heard her scream for just a moment before be head ducked under the surface of the water . He was sinking faster now . He could see the circle of light shrinking slowly above him tinted red by the clouds of blood that billowed in the water . Stephanie was a thrashing silhouette , ragged strips of flesh hanging from her as now a third and then a fourth shark joined the feeding frenzy . As the last vestiges of his consciousness faded away the ravaged remains of Stephanie 's body drifted down next to him . As they sank together into the impossible deep her remaining hand brushed against his . With the last effort of Roger 's dying will his fingers curled around hers . And what little the sharks had left of them fell into the darkness , hand in hand . I recently finished reading two books virtually simultaneously . I would like to claim that this is because I 'm an incredibly dedicated reader with amazing time management skills , but actually I cheated . One of them was an audio book . Which , while we 're on the subject , is it appropriate to tell people you 're " reading " an audio book ? It feels like a lie , but the absolute truth feels clunky and awkward to explain . Book one was Timmy Failure : Mistakes Were Made by Stephen Pastis . It is a book with pictures . It is a book for children . It is amazing . Book two was Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson . It is a seminal work of science fiction with high action mixed in with history , philosophy , and comparative religion . It is … okay . Now at this point I 'm thinking I sound kind of shallow , but hear me out . Because you know what Timmy Failure had that Snow Crash didn 't ? A polar bear named Total . * No wait , I 'm sorry . What I meant to say was , " internal conflict and character development . " Now here 's the thing . In Snow Crash , that 's it . That little snippet I just gave you encapsulates the entire plot in a nutshell . None of the characters , and I mean none , ever have to deal with any kind of internal conflict , never have to overcome any personal failings . It 's all swords cutting people 's heads off and Gatling gun duels , interspersed with long conversations about Sumerian mythology and hacking . Which is fine as far as it goes . I really did like the bits with the mythology , and it was nice to have the spoonful of fictional sugar to help them go down . But in the end the story had very little depth . In the case of Timmy Failure however , there was nothing but depth . Timmy claims he does not live up to his last name . Timmy lies . In fact his detective agency doesn 't actually solve any of the cases he 's given in the book . But the charm of the story is in the layers , in the way we see the world through Timmy 's eyes . Timmy Failure is an entirely unreliable narrator , because he 's seeing the world through a egotistical , child - sized lens . Through that lens we see the troubles his mom is having with the bills , and how she 's dating a guy who 's a bit of douche in the hopes of bringing some stability back into her and Timmy 's lives . We see how Timmy 's nemesis is really just a girl who wants her dad to spend more time with her . Is Snow Crash a bad book ? No . But it 's utterly flat . It makes the mistake of thinking that what the readers really care about is whether or not the world is saved . Screw the world . Let it burn . What readers really care about is personal . It 's the inner journey that brings power to the story . Without that , all you have is spectacle . There 's something that 's bothering me more and more lately about single people . Not all single people necessarily , but many of you at the very least are obsessed with not being single anymore . You think you can finally be happy if you find a suitable mate , that one person that understands you like no one else , and you 'll finally have the chance to share life with someone instead of going it alone . But lets examine that phrase at the end there shall we ? " The rest of your life . " The rest of your life is hopefully going to be quite a long time . I mean even if you 're smoking like a chimney , drinking like a fish , and singlehandedly keeping your local Burger King afloat , you probably have at least twenty or thirty years ahead of you . And the thing you 're missing , the thing I missed until after I was married , is that you 've got an incredible amount of freedom right now . You probably don 't have a house payment , you don 't have to worry about your kids having enough diapers . How well do you think James Bond would function as a married man ? And I mean really married , like to someone he cares about with long term goals and kids and stuff ? How about Luke Skywalker ? You think he 'd have dashed off to join the Rebellion if he 'd had a couple of mouths to feed back on Tattooine ? If you do ever run into a fictional character that 's married or got kids , he 's either estranged from them or they 're getting kidnapped for him to go and save . Heroes almost never have to deal with normalcy . And that 's you right now . You have options a married guy or gal couldn 't imagine . You can go on a secret mission overseas . You can fly your X - wing and destroy the Death Star . You can move without being bothered by the the fact that you 're underwater on your mortgage . Okay , so maybe mostly just that last one . But that one 's bigger than you 'd think . You have the freedom to take risks us married folks don 't have . Finding someone to love is awesome , sure , but so is having the option to jump in your car and drive to the Grand Canyon , picking up odd jobs washing dishes along the way . One day you 'll be married . One day you 'll have a kid and a house a dog and , oh yeah , a job you can 't afford to lose because your family counts on those health care benefits . Oh , and writers ? About all those single characters : I know how tempting it is to write characters with no attachments , believe me , but maybe you could at least consider the fact that attachment raise the stakes . And not just in the cliched sense of " I 'm worried the bad guy might kidnap my family . " What kind of character would James Bond be if he had to worry about paying his mortgage , or deal with the guilt of the fact that his child sees him so rarely he doesn 't even recognize him , on top of having to save the world ? Think about it . It 's been a while since I wrote anything really substantive in this space . That 's not an apology so much as an observation . Things have been busy . I 've been busy . I probably could have made myself blog more than I have , but if I 'm forcing myself to do something I don 't like … well what 's the point in that . If I 'm going to do things I don 't like , I 'm at least going to get paid for doing them . But there are a few things I thought some of you might like to know . First , Thing 1 and Thing 2 are out of our house once again and working toward a more permanent placement with some relatives . They packed up everything last week and headed out of state . The odds are decent that I won 't see them again , at least not for a very long time . I would be lying if I told you I didn 't cry when they left . But I would also be lying if I told you that I wasn 't at least a little glad that they 're gone . Between their school schedule , and trying to spend time my wife and our baby , things were stretched a little thin for us . I 'm looking forward to having a little more free time to write . In other news , the parenting adventure continues . Baby AJ is now mobile . Which means you 've got to keep an eye on him , because if you don 't the next think you know you 're hearing the thump of the trash can in the kitchen and when you get there he 'll be eating used coffee grounds right out of the filter . Really . So yesterday Chuck Wendig wrote this thing about digital piracy of books . The upshot of this thing was that he 'd really rather you didn 't do it , because hey , he worked hard on those books and they are not unreasonably priced and he deserves to be paid for his work BUT he 's not going to get all angry at people who do pirate because - Actually , it was kind of a long post . Maybe you should just go and read it . As a corollary to this Wendig has declared today to be " International ' Please Don 't Pirate My Book ' Day " . Now I 've got nothing whatsoever against Mr . Wendig , and for the most part I agreed with his post , but much like the those who choose to celebrate " Singles Awareness Day " instead of Valentine 's I 've decided to make up my own opposing holiday . I 'm calling it " Go Ahead and Pirate my Book if You Feel Like It " Day . They tell you not to write for exposure . Don 't put so much of your work up for free that you can 't sustain your writing . But you 've got to think that if practically nobody has heard of you a little more exposure couldn 't be such a terrible thing right ? I don 't know about you guys , but I 'm pinching every penny I can . I 'm not living in squalor or anything , but there 's not a lot of extra . I reckon there 's a good number of you out there in the same situation . It bears mentioning that my books are pretty reasonably priced . Nothing I 've got out there on the digital marketplace costs more than three bucks . So if you 'd like to pay for my work it bears mentioning that this isn 't " Don 't You Dare Pay for my Book and Support me as an Author " day . I 've pirated digital content . I 've pirated books . Books I liked . Books I wished I had the money to pay for . I buy new when I can , but I 'm constantly looking for the deal , the remaindered bins , the yard sale , the book shelves at the Thrift Store . And sometimes I pirate . It 's not something I 'm necessarily proud of , but it 's there . This is something that Chuck Wendig said in his original post , but it bears repeating here . When it comes to digital content there isn 't a finite number of possible copies . If you pirate my work , that doesn 't mean you 've taken that work away from anyone else . Piracy today does not necessarily lead to piracy tomorrow . If you like what I 've written maybe you 'll pay for my next book . Maybe you 'll tell a friend . Maybe you 'll leave a nice review on Amazon . Maybe you 'll just tell me that you like it . There is value in all these things So go ahead , matees . Shiver my timbers and pirate my books . Can 't find a torrent site that 's heard of me ? I 've included some links below to get you started . The same because , it 's still about the arachnopocalypse . Different because there 's an actual cash money prize to be won this time around . ( Well okay , maybe not actual cash , because this is the future and we have fancy digital currency transfer mechanisms , and speaking of which where is my flying car anyway ? ) Here 's the deal . Me and Tony Southcotte host The Human Echoes Podcast , and we 're looking to expand our horizons from rambling about movies , life , and bull testicles , into producing the occasional bit of audio fiction . We started out close to home with me reading my story " Of Teeth and Claus " , but now we need your help . Send in your story of the the spider - infested end of the world in one thousand words or less , and you 'll have the opportunity to a . ) Win ten whole American dollars b . ) Have your work released in audio form on the podcast . ( Don 't worry it won 't be me reading it this time . We 'll get someone who sounds halfway decent . ) The deadline for entry is noon o ' clock Central Time on February 8 ; that gives you a little over a week . The winner will be announced on the podcast two weeks after . Send your entries in to HEPodcast @ gmail . com . If by chance you had written a story for the previous Arachnopocalypse challenge you 're welcome to resubmit that . " Last time ? " There 's a mid credits scene that sets up a sequel . Did they not watch their own movie ! ? twitter . com / transformers / s … 13 hours ago RT @ FilmClickbait : False . It 's still Kung Fu Panda 2 , at least for a few more days . twitter . com / ComicBook / stat … 1 day ago
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Between the happenings within my life and a recent post by Lady with a View , I 've been pondering when to leave . I have been a leaver for most of my life . I took a mental trip through my childhood and pretty easily determined where that stems from . * * * Side note : Yes , I know I end sentences with prepositions . It bugs me every time , too . One of us is going to get over it . * * * Side side note : Yes , I detour a lot , even in real live conversations . Yes , it annoys me , too . At least when I do it here I have a record of where I was originally going . Be glad we 're not on the phone ! Ahem . . . back to the childhood . The briefest ( ha ! ) history is this : My parents ( mom , dad and bio - dad ) were part of a group of pseudo - hippie / bikers . No one in that group has been married fewer than two times . Mom and Dad lived together briefly before marrying when I was five . They separated for a few months when I was 13 and again , permanently , two years later . In between those 10 years I could not begin to calculate how many arguments they had that ended up with my mom " packing us up , " because she was taking my brother and I and leaving . I put that in quotes , because we never went anywhere . We didn 't even get in the car . Once we walked down to the end of the street on a very cold night around Halloween . When I was married to my first husband , I re - enacted some of those same types of walking out , only without all the yelling and door slamming . If we had any problems to deal with , I would feel like I just ought to go . Eventually our problems truly were beyond my ability to accept , explain away or ignore , and we quite amicably decided not to keep torturing one another by staying together . I 'm happy to know that when I did leave , it was for the right reasons , rather than . . . you know . . . Christmas . After my divorce . . . or maybe before it was over , but once it was well under way ( it took a couple of years because I did most of it myself and he kept moving ) , I dated one man for a few months and then another for probably the same amount of time . Can you say rebound ? I knew it and they knew it . In one case , it just ran the natural course and then ended . In the other , things came to a screeching halt when he said he loved me . I didn 't want his love , didn 't believe I had it , and I didn 't want him to pretend like that . After that there was no more dating until I figured out some things about myself , like why I chose to marry Stephen in the first place . Ours was not a great love affair , he didn 't have any money ( not the sort of thing that drew me in anyway , frankly ) and I wasn 't pregnant . I did it when I didn 't " have to " and I needed to figure out why . Plus , those two rebound guys were similar in their limitations , so I needed to learn what I wanted for myself and my son . If I didn 't , how would I recognize it when I saw it ? It took me five years to be ready . In those years I put on and then took off about 50 pounds . Nothing like making sure that I wasn 't going to be seeing anybody . I re - entered the dating world with new eyes . Not 20 / 20 , but clearer than before . As soon as a guy didn 't fit within the checklist ( no , it wasn 't a real list ) , he was gone . Or I was , really . Around the same time that I met Tom , I met a guy at a tattoo convention . Does it sound like I have a huge ego if I say he was drawn to me immediately ? It probably does , but I only say that based on how he acted . ( Oh yeah , I understand that he could have been the kind of guy who is always drawn to someone . ) He had my phone number within half an hour or so , maybe less , and had called me twice by the end of that weekend . We ended up going on a date . Dinner overlooking the ocean in South Laguna ( pre - stupid MTV shows ) and a couple of movies . . . and it could have ended with hot sex in the theater bathroom , but I just couldn 't bring myself to do it . I kept picturing my mug shot and then imagining what I 'd do if I lost my job after being arrested for public indecency or lewdness or whatever . Kind of a mood killer . Ultimately what clinched the deal for me were a couple of things other people might not have as hard a time getting around : Tarter buildup and his mother . That man had a couple of teeth that were encased in yellow plaster . They were bottom teeth , so I 'm not sure how I noticed them . And the thing with his mother was her age : 80 years old . I had no idea how old this guy ( what was his name , anyway ? ) was , but if Mom was 80 , then I figured he had to at least be 40 . I didn 't know . I wasn 't even 30 and wasn 't up for the much older guy . Plus , hello ! Tarter ! And if that weren 't enough , when I declined a second date , he offered to just come over to my house and watch TV . I was running 10 - 15 miles a week and couldn 't imagine anything I wanted to do less than sit around watching TV . This guy was out . When Tom and I started becoming serious , I must have mentioned my propensity for leaving for small reasons or before gifts had to be exchanged . It apparently made him cautious for quite a while . After a couple of years of the long - distance thing , he moved out here . We had one or two months of bliss , but honeymoons don 't last forever . A huge part of the problem was that Tom , at three years older than I , still hadn 't grown up . He overstayed his welcome at a relative 's home and then took a job working with a bunch of college kids who went out for " ice cream socials " at least once a week ( yes , that was me checking out my brains because my eyes rolled so far back in my head ) . . . and for pay that , when broken down to an hourly rate , was well below minimum wage . I get the whole have - a - meaningful - job - that - you - love thing . I have one of those . . . two if you count sign classes , and I was able support my son and myself . The next year was incredibly difficult , with me taking my rightness and shoving it in his face , him arguing that he wouldn 't be changed , and me threatening to leave . How 'd we make it through ? Well I admitted . . . and apologized for . . . my nastiness and readiness to quit as many times as it took . And while Tom isn 't one for stating that he is wrong unless it is pulled forcibly from his lips , he would somehow start doing things in a way that looked strangely like what I was asking for . We agreed that we were trainable . Oh , and Tom wouldn 't accept my threats to leave . After nearly breaking up a few times , our act started to get pulled together . We should have been moving forward , but shell - shocked Tom had changed his mind about that . Even a couple of years after our last big argument , he no longer considered marriage an option and neither of us was willing to just live together . I was mentally threatening to hit the road , even if I wasn 't saying it out loud . It didn 't matter , though , what I was saying or doing , Tom wasn 't changing his mind . Then he took a job that involved traveling to various cities for weeks at a time . When he accepted a contract that would take him away for two or three months at a time , everything started to crystallize . We didn 't want the same things . Didn 't make me bad for not wanting to just be a lifelong girlfriend . Didn 't make him bad for not wanting to marry me . In fact , it didn 't make me love him any less . But loving one another and going down the same road together , it suddenly occurred to me , were not the same things . So I broke up with him ( and then became violently ill ) . I had a good reason for leaving for the second time in my life . Tom spent some time working things out for himself . He talked with his friends and family . He talked with one of our good friends . We talked . He finished the assignment and quit the job , came home , bought a ring and asked me to marry him . I said yes , but only after I was assured that he wasn 't doing it just to save himself being alone or because he was feeling coerced into it by my leaving . ( That 's the Reader 's Digest version . ) Our engagement was romantic . The garden wedding was everything we could have asked for . The honeymoon . . . * screeeech * . . . didn 't last . In fact , on the way home from our honeymoon we had our first married argument . It wasn 't long before we were back to our old tricks and I was reacting by threatening to leave . Yet again , Tom pretty much told me that I wasn 't leaving and that I should quit saying that I was because it only made things harder , not better ( the grown up version of " knock it off " ) . After a few months we were again in a fabulous place with one another . Despite a surprise pregnancy and a teen boy with emotional and behavioral problems , we have maintained our position on Cloud 9 . . . well , maybe it 's 7 , but it feels like 9 to us . I 'd like to say that I 've learned my lesson , and that I won 't leave or threaten to leave again . But the fact is that sometimes when I 've left , it 's been the right thing to do . There is a limit to what a person can and should be asked to deal with , regardless of the relationship . That is a lesson I know I 've learned . And sometimes it 's not just with one 's " significant other " that the lesson needs to be used . I 'm struggling . . . have been struggling . . . with what to do about my son . I 'm not ready to lay bare all of the problems we 've faced . I will say that Corey and I have put in a lot of hours of hard work ( and Tom 's been working with us for quite a while now ) , but we don 't seem to be getting anywhere . In fact , in some ways we seem farther back than where we started . What are the boundaries between parent and child ? When is it better for them not to be together ? At what point is it wise to let someone else take over ? I don 't know the answers to these questions or any of their cousins . What I do know is that I recently sat in our therapist 's office , holding my hands up in front of my face , 2 - 3 inches apart . I shook my left hand gently and said , " This is me . " I shook my right hand gently and said , " This is done . " The bad : I was unable to donate platelets because of my " stringy " veins . The veins are so small that the staff were only willing to attempt a whole blood donation because it was for a friend . Didn 't matter , because despite taking about 300 times the recommended amount of iron , I was . 2 too low ( has to be 12 . 5 , I was 12 . 3 ) . If someone can be my stand - in and donate whole blood or platelets , I would be ever grateful . The ugly ( but also the good . . . life is a circle , after all ) : Tonight Corey and I noticed that a police car was right out front with it 's lights flashing . Neither of us had called the police and it wasn 't coming to our house . We high - fived . Since thinking that I might be pregnant , I gave up all sources of caffeine , including chocolate and coffee . That was July of last year . I 'm avoiding the math , because it 's just too freaking long no matter how ya look at it . Well , I exaggerate a bit ; I did resume drinking decaf when Mad was about four or five months old . Here 's how pure my system has been : I can feel the caffeine in decaf coffee , even if it 's not from Starbucks . I know that a lot of women have all sorts of coffees and chocolates throughout their pregnancies and even while nursing . I don 't judge . It works for them , and in every single case I know , the moms and babies are none the worse for wear . I 've always been sensitive to caffeine , so even at the height of my Starbucks addiction , I couldn 't have more than a grande half - caf misto ( half steamed milk and half steamed coffee . . . and half of the coffee was decaf ) per day . . . and frequently I didn 't finish them . I went to a breastfeeding support group the other day . Did I ask for any new suggestions to help increase my milk supply ? Did I mention that I 'm now down to pumping less than four ounces a day . . . and not all at one time ? How about mentioning that I 'd love some tips for dealing what has become a standard two weeks of PMS ? Nope . The other moms looked at me like I was from another planet . I guess the whole , I didn 't judge your choices thing wasn 't reciprocal , but that 's okay . The group leader , Jeri , said . . . * drum roll , please * " Well . . . now . Just don 't have a whole bunch . The thing with chocolate is the caffeine , so don 't have chocolate and coffee . " The first person I told was my son . Why ? Simply because right after group , I picked him up to go to my mom 's . If I 'd been at the top of Mt . Baldy , I 'd have been yodeling it down into the valley , believe me . The thing is , I don 't just want chocolate . I want damn good chocolate . I want XOXO Truffles chocolate . Yes , that means driving up to San Francisco ( unless somebody can show me a link to their website . . . all I can find are mouth - watering reviews ) , and no , Tom 's brother doesn 't live there anymore , so we 'd also have to get a hotel room . I know that 's a lot to do for a truffle . Have you tried them ? Tonight Corey and Tom had guy night . Somewhere along the way , Tom stopped and bought me a bag of Ghiradelli 's dark chocolate squares . I tried not to scoff and sneer at this pathetic little imitation . I tried not to rip it open and eat them all in some horrifying impersonation of Cookie Monster , too . Ugh ! I took a nap this evening when Mad did . I figured she was about to wake up in half an hour , max . I 'm already up later than I should be . I know that if I have one of those squares tonight , I 'll never get to sleep . So I 'm signing off now to go enjoy some chocolate dreams , but tomorrow . . . it 's on ! When Tom and I first confirmed that I was pregnant , nursing came up pretty much right away . Tom mentioned looking forward to giving the baby bottles each evening or overnight so I could catch a break . Like a true zealot who was just begging to have her words fed back to her at some later time , I insisted that this baby was not having formula . I had nursed Corey for two and a half years , and while I didn 't plan to let it go that long this time , there was no good reason to bring formula into the . . . well , formula . Then I started thinking about why I nursed Corey for so long . My first husband turned out to be a bit of a nut job , something I realized halfway through the pregnancy . It was later confirmed when he lived on the corner at the end of my street . In a parking lot . With two other people who owned a car . . . they rotated who got to sleep in the car each night . " But he 's breastfeeding " was my prepared response should Stephen ever demand custody or independent visitation . Thankfully it only came up once before the court ruled , and he didn 't have the wherewithal to follow through on the threat . After that , I just let it go on because it was the easiest thing in the world , and because it was the most direct means of bonding with my beloved child . " Nurch all gone . " And then we snuggled and went to sleep ( yeah , took me quite a few more years to get him out of my bed . . . baby steps , people , baby steps ) . He slept fine that night and never asked to nurse again . When I took all of that in and combined it with the fact that Tom is not a nut job ( or , as we say in my family , " You 're weird , but you 're my kind of weird and I like you " ) , I was relieved of the hyper - vigilance I carried around for Corey . I didn 't have to nurse so that this baby wouldn 't be stuck in the care of a man who put himself first ( although not well ) to the exclusion of the baby 's safety and well - being . I could be like those mothers who declared how long they were willing to breastfeed , meet that quota and be done with it . Most of the time I had figured that nursing for six months would be perfect . About a month before I returned to work , we spent $ 300 on a breast pump and I realized that I might as well pump for the whole first year . And if I 'm pumping and giving Madelyn breastmilk in a bottle , why not just nurse when we 're together , too ? Madelyn started off with four days in the NICU due to a collapsed lung . There was no oral nutrition for the first day and then formula for the next 36 hours until the neonatologist agreed to let me nurse . With that kind of beginning , physically and emotionally , breastfeeding was tricky . Although she got the hang of it after about 10 days , it was hard to put it all behind me . My milk supply has been difficult to maintain . I have used herbal supplements , post - natal vitamins , extra pumping , extra nursing , massage . . . pretty much anything someone suggested , I did . Madelyn was almost six months old when we had to supplement with formula . Over the past two months , my body has continued to wean her . The original plan was for Mad to get a formula bottle only when needed during the week if I didn 't pump enough the day before for two full bottles . Within a matter of days that became 1 - 2 formula bottles a day during the week , and now we have to give her bottles on the weekend as well . My new goal is to get her through the majority of the cold and flu season . You might be thinking that the tough choices to which I referred in the title are about choosing to add formula . Not exactly . Here 's something you don 't know about my life : the husband of one of my best friends , Nancy , is fighting leukemia . In February he was diagnosed with a " pre - leukemia " illness . In March we had a blood and bone marrow drive . A bone marrow donor was found , but not from our group . The extremely generous donor is in Europe ( let 's all say a little thank you for worldwide registries , shall we ? ) . Ken was supposed to have the bone marrow transplant last week , but the latest biopsy indicated that he now has " full blown leukemia , " so it was postponed for two months while they put him into remission . I am on the list to be a blood and / or platelets donor and they finally called me this afternoon to schedule my donation . ( I say finally because Tom and another of our friends have already been called twice ! ) I was so excited to be called , but it was a bit dramatic . Turns out that weaning mothers are okay to donate , but I have to pump beforehand and not for two hours afterward . I guess I 'd be really drained ( ah ha . . . okay , I know it wasn 't that funny ) . But in that moment when I didn 't know the answer , I realized that I might have the biggest decision of my life to make . Do I keep breastfeeding Mad through the cold and flu season , thereby offering her antibodies to help keep her little body well or do I stop completely so that I can help Ken through this incredible fight ? Wednesday will be our third wedding anniversary . Being married just three years seems odd somehow . Maybe it 's that we 've been together well over eight years . So this year I will again say we 've been married X years + five and a half . For our previous wedding anniversaries ( I point out wedding because there is also the first time we acknowledged we liked one another even though it was so impossible , because he lived in Chicago and I lived in LA ; the first time we said I Love You , something we 'd been feeling for a couple of months , but were waiting to admit to because . . . * ahem * . . . we hadn 't met in person just yet ; and the first time we met in person . Okay , we don 't really celebrate the others so much anymore , but we used to , and I still keep things separate in my mind . ) , we have spent the weekend in Big Bear or in Julian . This year there is a budget crisis in our home . Not only is Mad the proverbial " like a weed " daughter ( hello ! I 'm hoping the size 12 months clothes we bought for winter are going to fit long enough for the weather to stay below 90 for more than two days in a row ) , but this is the year of our biennial Christmas trip to Chicago . Oh , and the company Tom works for ( which shall remain nameless because I sense a rant coming sooner or later ) is doing what it can to stay afloat . That means that he generally works four or five eight - hour days instead of five 10 - 11 hour days each week . In all honesty , I spent most of Saturday morning mentally moping . I didn 't even bother to call my parents to see if they 'd watch Mad until just before noon . Lots of internal scolding , cajoling and name - calling helped me get my act back together well enough to get going . We didn 't have much of a plan before the kids were dropped off at their preferred grandparents ' houses . I wasn 't sure how late we could leave Mad with Margaret and my dad . We went for an early start time so we could get back early , too . Based on recent history ( recent being since I got pregnant with my perpetually tardy husband 's child ) , I am stunned to announce that everybody , including me , was ready to go , kids were dropped off and we were free to do what we wanted at 4 : 03 PM . Neither of us had eaten much and Tom was starving , so he suggested an early dinner . I laughed and pointed out that we should go to Lenny 's for the early bird special . Seriously . And to underscore how early we were seeking dinner , the Indian restaurant we 'd chosen wouldn 't be open for another hour . We talked about a few more options and decided to go to our old standby , Casa Sanchez . Sure , it 's a little unfancy place in a strip mall . Not everyone would think to go there to celebrate getting married , but it was the first bona fide happy choice of the night for me . Why ? Aside from the fact that the owners and staff are friends , this is the restaurant that catered our wedding . Between us , we had all the wedding night food . It was delicious . I can 't remember the flavor of anything at the wedding because I couldn 't get more than a couple of bites down , I was so excited . So we relived it that afternoon . Yes , afternoon . It was still well within the four o ' clock hour when we arrived . No , most of the people there weren 't blue - hairs , but the couple coming out when we went in were rather old . And she was on oxygen . That 's how close we were to being old fuddy - duddies ( maybe the fact that I 'm using that term means it 's too late ) . Dinner was great . We hadn 't set any " let 's not talk about the kids " rules . In fact , we talked about the kids we have and the fact that Tom would like to have one more . I 'm telling you , he could probably talk me into anything . Oh alright , he already has , but not for now . Mad was our summer vacation surprise last year . The timing worked out perfectly in terms of time off after she was born , so that 's our plan for next year . I 'm a little excited about it . Like , I 've already picked out a name excited , haha . But I 'm only telling you , dear readers , because I don 't want to have to answer questions from everybody I know for the next eight months . Plus , if it doesn 't work out for some reason , I won 't have to explain it over and over again . Anyway , we decided to go see a movie after that . The plan was to find a light romantic comedy ( Tom 's suggestion because he knows his girl and because he was probably trying to set the mood , bow - chicka - bow - bow ) . We drove to a theater to see our options : nothing ! So we headed over to a small independent theater . It 's outside of " the village , " a charming little place that is growing a bit too much . Tom 's friend has called it too Disney - fied . The village is not , but the theater and surrounding shops do look a bit like a set . Most of the movies were either not for us this night ( Bond , Madagascar 2 ) or we 'd never heard of them . The one I recognized and knew I 'd been interested in seeing was Rachel Getting Married . Did I stop to recall what it was about ? Did I pause to think about the review I 'd read recently in which the word " disturbing " was used ? No , I did not . So we bought tickets for a showing that started in an hour and went for a walk . We had ice cream and Tom answered sports questions from roughly a dozen kids who were apparently on a scavenger hunt type activity . They came to us while we sat outside Coldstone after going inside and singing Take Me Out to the Ballgame with the server inside . The movie was good , but it was not light , romantic nor comedic . It was intense . I was tense . So tense , in fact , that I wanted to yell at any number of the characters or get up and leave , maybe slamming a door on the way out . Whew ! And the music was mostly great , but there were huge stretches where it seemed like the makers of this movie just wanted to showcase their varied tastes . I nursed Mad as soon as we were home and then Tom put her to bed . In the penultimate alternative anniversary celebration finale , I fell asleep on the couch while he took care of her . I 'm pretty sure he tried to get me to come to bed , but I did not . It wasn 't meant to be a withholding sex type of thing , just an exhausted woman thing . Thankfully , Tom doesn 't tend to hold grudges and we were eventually able to enjoy the best part of our weekend during Mad 's afternoon nap today . Corey didn 't come home from Grammy 's until after 9 : 00 tonight and that , too , felt a little like time away . So even though I taught two classes Friday night and one Saturday morning , for the first time in a couple of months , I felt like the weekend was all that it should have been . I almost don 't mind getting up and going to work tomorrow . I love my job , but Tom will be off , so I 'd like to be here , too . I have taught sign language classes on Friday nights for 13 years . Tomorrow night is the end of those classes . I have mostly loved teaching . Other people 's unruly children are not my favorite kind of beings . Since I have one of my own , I really don 't have the energy for yours , but thanks anyway . Most of my students are adults . Most of them take one class and then move on . The occasional person will come back sporadically . Some stay with me for years and become my friends . A few have become like family . I have always stressed that the most important thing to remember when signing is to breathe . Then I would joke about how nobody should be nervous because I hadn 't " lost one yet . " Of course , when my friend Carol died last year , it was from Cystic Fibrosis , not sign language . Still , I couldn 't make that joke anymore . On the other side of the life spectrum , I lost count a few years ago of how many babies had been born to my students and former students . It 's been a lot of fun to see " my people " become parents for the first time . Through this position , I was able to spend a few years volunteering with a family , helping them find even a glimmer of communication with an autistic son and brother . He had quite a program going ; I have no idea how many people worked with him , but I taught his parents , sister , occupational therapist and grandparents . Sometimes other family members and friends came , too . One day this little boy who had never formed a complete sentence in any language used two to make his first request . He spontaneously and appropriately signed WANT and then very slowly said , " Mom . " I thought that it was the most wonderful thing I 'd ever heard and was so proud to be part of it . Sometimes I have been less than successful . ( An aside to all the students I taught that first year : I 'm sorry . Classes are much more organized , less all - encompassing and frenetic now . You should check them out ; you 'd be impressed and even have a chance to learn something . I give people the opportunity to ask questions these days . ) Someone has agreed to take over the classes . Sylvia was a student of mine eight years ago . She substitute teaches at a local school for the Deaf and teaches a sign class at a local elementary school . She 's going to be great . I know that there is a natural tendency for people to have strong preferences for one teacher or another . Some of " my " students will always love me best . Some will wonder why Sylvia didn 't come along sooner to save them . Speaking of which , why am I leaving in the first place ? Well , it was a combination of meeting Madelyn ( when she was en utero it was pretty simple to declare that this baby would have to adjust to our lifestyle ) , having years of bad printer karma ( both of my printers have taken long , slow craps and made it hard to put my book together for one class and to print weekly materials for another . . . then I bought a new printer , but had about six different problems with it in the first night before taking it back . . . and lastly , I was going to buy a new new printer , but the first new one had maxed out my card and the refund took too long ) , and the fact that I think I 'm done coming up with new ideas for vocabulary for the second class . And no offense meant to Christians , but I have spent at least one - third of my last five or six sessions teaching hymns and prayers . And the last , least important reason is the money . In 13 years of teaching , I have not yet made the equivalent of what I earn in my day job for one year after taxes and tax deductions . Without a working printer , my costs ate up nearly half of the earnings . It 's time for something new . . . for my students and for me . I was quite misty - eyed about the whole thing three weeks ago . But I had miscalculated and thought that class ended last week . It 's amazing what having an additional week did to those almost formed tears , haha . I do wonder how it 'll go tomorrow night . Hopefully Sylvia will be there so I can introduce her to everybody and drum up interest in her class . Because if she doesn 't end up doing it , or if she decides it 's not worth her time , I could totally be persuaded to take it all back . The bad news is that she 's now too low for me to lean in and give a little noggin smooch while she 's sleeping . Not that it stopped me from trying . . . tonight Corey and I went to peek at her a few hours after she went to bed . So cute . I couldn 't resist leaning in . One foot had to come off the floor . If I leaned just . . . a . . . little . . . bit . . . more I could reach her , right ? Next thing I knew , both feet are off the ground and I 'm flailing , trying to smooch her without falling in with her . Mom lives roughly four miles from here . For the couple of years prior to Tom and getting married , Corey and I lived with her . A few years before that , she and I were neighbors in the same apartment complex . One of my childhood friends , Mary , lived with her then . Mary 's whole world revolves around children , unlike my mom 's , so Corey ended up spending quite a bit of time over there . Mom benefited from Mary 's desire to hang out with my boy . As Corey got older , Mom has enjoyed having him around , too . She frequently requests his presence at her place on the weekends . This is for him , too , since he has friends in her neighborhood , but she truly likes to have him around . When Tom and I first got married , we had Mom over for dinner all the time . It was a nice way to adjust to the separation , but money was tight , so after a while , the invitations dropped off . When I was pregnant with Mad , I think it threw Mom for a loop somehow . She loves , admires and respects Tom in a way that she never did feel for my first husband , so I know it wasn 't about him . In fact , it got to be that she raved about how great he was every time I talked to her . . . to the point of saying that I was lucky to have him . While this is true , I am lucky to have Tom in my life , I would hope that it goes both ways . In any case , I 'm not sure if Mom felt like she didn 't belong in my life or if I had said or done something that made her feel uncomfortable calling or what . We typically speak four to five times a week , but calls dwindled to mostly me calling while I was pregnant . Occasionally Mom would say things like , " I don 't want to be a bother " and " I know you 're busy so I 'll keep this short " when we did speak . I invited her to one of my prenatal visits so she could hear the baby 's heartbeat and she declined . Well , not exactly declined , but said she 'd have to check her calendar ( not even paraphrasing here ) and get back to me . She did not get back to me . My dad went , even though he has no blood ties to me . . . he was married to Mom when I was 5 - 15 . My best friend Nance went every chance she got , and of course , Tom was there every time . ( Corey went because he had to . . . it creeped him out to hear the heart beating . . . he said it sounded like an alien . ) I know that my mother - in - law would have gone if she 'd been out here during one of my appointments , but my mother acted as though it was something to get out of doing . Mom was there during my labor and delivery . . . out in the hall during the delivery per my request , but she heard Mad 's first cries just as she 'd heard Corey 's 15 years earlier . A few days after we ( finally ) brought Mad home , Tom 's parents came to town from outside of Chicago . Normally they stay at our place , but for this occasion stayed in a nearby hotel for five days . We saw them every day , of course , but they also did some sightseeing around the region , so they weren 't here all day every day . Two months later , my in - laws had still spent more time with Mad than my own mother . In July , Judy ( MIL ) came out to visit for a week . This time she did stay at our place . We were quite a pair , she and I . The day she arrived , I pulled a bunch of muscles in my neck and shoulder , so I could barely move . Nance had to pick her up from the airport . Judy would probably have rented a car if her leg wasn 't in an ankle - to - hip brace because she 'd shattered her knee in May . Over the past couple of months that I 've been back to work , Nance occasionally asks if my mom has seen Madelyn . Ninety percent of the time the answer has been no . It 's especially hard for Nance to understand where Mom 's coming from , since Nance feels she is on the other side of the same dilemma . She would love to have a better relationship with her adult daughter , but Kristen holds her back . Nance and my mom chat via email every once in a while , and I do wonder if Nance puts thoughts out there for Mom to consider . About two weeks before I started teaching again ( not my day job . . . classes started up about three weeks after I went back to " work " ) , Mom , Mad and I started hanging out on " guy night . " This had to stop during my classes , because guy night typically happens while I 'm out teaching . When I was struggling with the decision to stop teaching two - thirds of my classes , Mom actually suggested that I quit so that she and Mad and I could hang out more often on guy nights . Lately she has taken to suggesting we get together on her day off while waiting for my classes to end . But we never make specific plans and nothing ever happens . The most recent development has been that Mom is now stressing how important it is that she gets to spend some time with Madelyn , even while not making any real plans . She seems to understand that Mad doesn 't know who she is , and won 't if she doesn 't high - tail it over here . I agree completely . Mom 's only 60 , but most of those 60 years have not been spent taking good care of herself . It worries me that she won 't be around . . . well . . . forever , I guess . For all of my independence ( and there 's a lot , to be sure ) , I do need my mom . And she has always been there for me when I have really , truly needed her , just not always when I would like for her to be . So tonight I emailed Mom and laid out my availability for this Thursday ( her day off ) . Hopefully she 'll be available . Hopefully I won 't forget with my sleep - deprived brain if she is up for it . Friends are hard to come by for Corey . Our neighborhood doesn 't have many kids , and none are his age . He attends an independent study program twice a week for up to an hour each time , mainly to take tests and turn in assignments . The interactions with other students are limited . Corey 's shy , too . He 's always been shy , even when his behaviors were calling everybody 's attention his way . He has a friend , Rachel , with whom he attends school and band . School is in our town , but band used to be in the town " next door . " Rachel 's mom and I worked out a deal where I would pick the kids up at school and take them to band . Rachel 's mom picked them up . It was my one and only bona fide carpooling experience and I loved it , but the band class is now within walking distance from school , so it 's over . One of the reasons I loved carpooling is that Rachel 's a pretty great girl . She 's a smart ass , to be sure , but she teases Corey and he actually laughs about it . Corey and Rachel talk on the phone quite a bit . I don 't know how much , but I 'm guessing that most days I could push redial when I walk in from work and end up chatting with her , too . The other night he got a call from her and I happened to hear a few words , but nothing I could string together in a sentence , my hearing 's not that great . What I wouldn 't have given to be able to just stand there and listen in . That 's what I 'd have to do , too , since we have the world 's smallest kitchen . There 'd be no pretending that I had to be six inches from him for long . The thing that struck me about what I did hear wasn 't the words , it was his tone . He sounded so sincere and soothing . If I was a girl , a boy with his way of talking would have been just the thing . It 's not that he 's smooth , either . I know , because I 've always had access to his MySpace pages and the conversations he 's had on there are juvenile at best . Corey ( on Rachel 's cell phone , calling me after school one day ) : " Hi , Mom ! Hey , I have an idea . I 'm done with school . . . I passed my test . Could I go to the library with Rachel ? Otherwise I just have to go home and be all . . . by . . . my . . . self . So I could just hang out with her there for a while or , HEY , I know , she could come to my place ( did he just say " my place " like it 's his pad or something ? ! ) and we could hang out until her mom gets off work . " Me : " Uh . . . yeah , that 'd be a heck no ! You can walk with Rachel to the library , but then you need to get yourself home straightaway . Call me when you get there . Better yet , I 'll see you when you get there . Love you , bye ! " Whew ! I might have averted the creation of my first grandchild ! Probably not , though , really . I can 't tell how Rachel sees Corey . Maybe she doesn 't know either . Corey 's certainly confused . Rachel invited Corey to attend a play with her and her dad this afternoon . Even though Rachel was wearing jeans and a nicer T - shirt than she wears to school , Corey wore black dress pants , a black shirt , burgundy tie and a black vest ( worn inside out because he likes the lining better than the vest itself . . . never mind the label , would ya ) . However , before selecting his attire , he tried to get into an argument with Tom . Tom told him that he needed to pull himself together or he wasn 't going . Corey said he didn 't want to go anyway . He did end up pulling himself together , but he still didn 't want to go . Rachel teases him and he figured she didn 't like him . He couldn 't see why she 'd ask him to attend the play when she has other friends and she likes to hang out with them . Then Corey started melting down completely , complaining about all the things he doesn 't want to do anymore , like go to band or hang out with Rachel or . . . anything ! Looked like a classic case of nerves to me . I reminded him that we do get to choose our friends . If Rachel isn 't offering good friendship , he should respect himself enough to put an end to it . On the other hand , she and her dad would be coming to pick him up within the hour . He had accepted the invitation and he would have to see it through ; it was too late for her to find a replacement . " Remember when we went and saw Late Night Catechism ? We 're not Catholic , but we had a blast . And you don 't listen to opera , but you went to see Phantom of the Opera and you loved it . You 'll probably love this play , too . " Somehow it all worked out . He got dressed . . . a couple of different ways before choosing the ensemble . He came home smiling and happy that he went . The play had a sad ending and Rachel cried in front of him . She 's kind of a tough bird and he 's very sensitive , so I think that it got to him . I haven 't asked if he 's still quitting band and . . . well , everything . Yep , I 've got it , but not in that giddy , all - out way that recalls one 's youth . Nope , cautiously optimistic at best , really . I have said over and again that whichever man became President , he would have the world 's hardest job in front of him . So hard , in fact that he might not succeed . Now that it seems Obama is our leader , I will send up a little prayer of gratitude to the powers that be . I will also send up one for his continued safety . It 's an incredible shame that hate can exist solely based on race and skin tone . Six months old is a fabulous age . I vaguely remember when Corey was that age , but do recall thinking the same thing then . About three weeks ago , Madelyn got her first tooth . The next day she started growling . It cracks me up when she does it ; sometimes she cracks herself up . Two nights ago during dinner she started playing her first follow - the - leader game . . . and she was the leader . In between bites of turnip , Mad would lean her head way over to one side , resting it on her arm or on the highchair . As she leaned , I leaned . Then she would slowly sit up and lean the other direction . Again , I leaned with her . We didn 't break eye contact . Several times she leaned over to the right , started to sit up and then went quickly back to the right . Pretty sly for a baby . . . and the look in her eyes when she 's doing it , man oh man ! Early in November , 2007 we had the ultrasound . I brought Corey with me , but he absolutely did not want to go in and see anything . Tom was . . . Tom and I are not people who parent by fear or in fear . Or we haven 't , but I could really see myself going that way now . A little . . .
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I was just 27 . I had my whole life in front of me . I had a good job , career prospects , lots of friends . One night , I went into the city to meet a some buddies for drinks . It was late when I left them to head home . I was a bit tipsy but not exactly drunk . A man on the street approached me , asking for directions . I stopped to help him . After that was a blur . I woke up groggy , bound with nylon rope , in the trunk of a car , bumping along very potholed roads . I had no idea where I was . Or why . Or how . It took a while for me to put it together , but he must have drugged me somehow . Maybe stuck me with something . I didn 't remember . Finally , we came to a stop . When he opened the trunk and pulled me out , we were in a garage … not a house garage but a commercial one , like a chop shop . I had no idea exactly where we were but my sense was that it was in a remote , industrial part of an outer boro , far from prying eyes and out of earshot of anyone who could help me . My captor was insane . That much was obvious . I was terrified . I knew I was going to die at his hands , but I didn 't know how , which terrified me more . He started with the tools for breaking apart cars , and took me apart slowly , methodically . He knew was he was doing . He took pleasure in my pain . As soon as I realized what was happening , I tried to will my soul out of my body , so I would die faster . It didn 't work as quickly as I prayed it would . When I passed across , as soon as I felt my soul leave my corporeal form , I was met by others ; other young men he 'd killed in the same way . New York has a serial killer but nobody knows it . He disposes of bodies so well , none of us were ever found . We are all still listed as mysteriously missing persons . Nobody suspects that all our disappearances are related ; the work of one man . Nobody is looking for a single killer . He is too clever for them . Our bodies are in the Gowanus Canal , but no one would ever think to look for us there . Even if they did , they would never find us . We are melted into the toxic soup . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! " Someday " became tomorrow . Tomorrow became next week . Next week became next year , until one by one , the windows closed for me on all my dreams . I never completely threw myself into any of those pursuits . In my heart of hearts , I never believed the things I most wanted were possible . I didn 't think I was good enough to deserve them . I didn 't believe I was clever enough to grab them and hold on to them , even if they were within reach . It was easier and safer to simply fantasize , and perhaps blame others , or circumstances , or even some completely unrelated flaw in myself for my unfulfilled dreams . I never started my own business , which I 'd always fantasized about . Instead , I stuck with my boring but reliable job until I finally retired . It was the safe choice but of course , I have could have achieved my dream unless I 'd been willing to take a risk . Which I was not . I never traveled to all the exotic places I thought I wanted to go ; never explored the world . Truth was , I barely ventured out of my comfort zone . I never went to places where I didn 't understand the language . I worried that I wouldn 't be able to communicate ; that the food would be too strange for me to eat ; that I wouldn 't understand the money and end up being taken advantage of . I always wanted to learn to play a music instrument . Maybe piano . Perhaps guitar . In my fantasies , I was quite good . I would entertain my friends at parties . But in truth , I never took a lesson . Never stuck with anything long enough to even get past the most rudimentary familiarity with a chord or a scale . Most problematic of all , I never really found love . None of those other things would have mattered if I 'd given up those pursuits in exchange for another person 's happiness . But that was not the case . I had several long - term relationships , but the longest one lasted only about seven years . Never a lifetime commitment and all that entailed . Maybe I never met the right person . Maybe I was never ready for it . Maybe I was not open to it . Maybe it was simply not my destiny in that life . I still haven 't figured it out . I thought I loved a few , but looking back , although some relationships were passionate , they were not really loving . I felt no deep commitment in any of them . I was content as long as things were going well , but as soon as things got rocky , I saw no point in sticking around . I 'm not even sure that more of a commitment on my part would have made any difference . Let 's face it , sometimes , you just have to cut your losses . But then , sometimes , you have to see it out past the bad or inconvenient stuff and hope it turns a corner . I was never good at knowing which was which , nor very patient at waiting to see how it would play out . Perhaps the right person might have inspired me to put it more of an effort . Perhaps I was the one who needed to be the inspiration . I never had children either . I always thought that , too , would just happen . But it never did . Never the right time . Never the right person . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! In the village where I lived my entire life , the roads were made of dirt and mud . Those people who could afford to , built their homes from brick or block , cement , and corrugated metal . Those who could not , build theirs of wood , metal scraps , and mud . Nobody had more than four sets of clothing : two for summer and two for winter . Many had only one . Some people had shoes ; others did not . I suppose by some standards , we lived in poverty , but since we had no idea how others lived , we had no basis of comparison , and so we never thought of ourselves as poor . Ultimately , it made no difference to the lives we lived , the lessons we learned , the love we shared , the pain we suffered . The human condition is the same everywhere . Even among those who have so very little , there were the haves and the have - nots . My family was in the middle . We went hungry from time to time , but mostly that was because of the weather , when the crops didn 't do well , or the animals starved . But then , most everyone suffered during those times , as well . From the time I was a young girl , I enjoyed observing people , watching how they behaved , how they socialized with others . In my small village , everyone knew everyone . Keeping secrets was impossible . We knew who was happy in their circumstances and who was not , and why . We knew who loved unrequitedly , who held a grudge , who envied whom . We knew who was stupid and who was wise , who was selfish and who was magnanimous , who could be relied on when you needed help and who you could count on to stick the knife in deeper . There was an old baker in the village who had built his brick oven himself , long before I was born . All the women brought their bread and larger meals to be cooked there . None of them could have built such a hot fire at home because it would have been impossible for a woman ( even with the help her children ) to collect that much wood . It was difficult enough to gather enough to keep a house warm in winter . A fire in the small stove might be enough only to heat a pot of water for tea or to boil an egg or to keep a pot of bits and scraps cooking until it became soup . Of course in the summer , it was too hot to keep a fire going inside . And so we had a communal bakery . Grandfather was a nice man with a good soul . Everybody liked him . If a family could not pay , he would never shame them . He would tell them kindly to pay when they could , even when he knew he was likely to never be paid at all . It was not in his heart to let anyone starve if he could help it . When I was about 8 years old , there was a young man in the village who worked for the baker . He was very full of his own worth , full of important advice for everyone , always telling others the best way to run their businesses even though , he , himself , had no business of his own . He was always telling Grandfather how to improve things , but Grandfather had been in business since before this young man was born , and he did not appreciate the unsolicited advice . Others advised the young man to mind his tongue and do his job , for the old man would eventually pass away and then he could take over the business and do with it whatever he wanted . But he could not wait . So , he moved away to the city , which was very far . He worked there for a few years at something ( nobody really knew ) until he had saved enough money to start his own bakery in the village . When he came back , he built his own oven . In front , he built a low wall to create a kind of outdoor room . There he put some tables and chairs . It became a kind of spontaneous café for men to gather , to drink strong tea and eat a small cake or two , to smoke , to play cards , to discuss politics and religion . The young man thought he was very clever because now he had both a bakery and a café , and was sure he could make twice as much money as Grandfather . The fact is , the bakery was where all the profit was . A café didn 't earn much . These men sat all day with one pot , always asking for more hot water . In his foolishness and ignorance he expected the village women to flock to his bakery , which was larger and of course newer and offered some social activity . What he failed to consider , was that the women did not want to pass through a group of men , on their way to the oven . These women worked hard . They gathered wood and carried water from the well . They minded the small animals . And the children , too , of course . They worked like donkeys from sunrise until everyone in their families was safely asleep . These women resented working hard while men sat idle . They did not want to be reminded of it . It made them bitter . And so , they avoided the place . Soon , with no customers for his oven , the young man could not keep his business open . He lost everything . Ashamed , chastened , and once again poor , he left the village for the city once more . I never saw him again but I thought about him a lot . And from then on , I made it a point to study others and to understand what they wanted most deeply . I quickly learned this was rarely what it appeared to be on the surface . A man might start an argument with someone of a higher status not because he was angry at the man but because he resented his own low standing . To win such an argument was to steal some of that man 's power . A woman might want a new piece of jewelry from her husband not because she needed more finery , but because it showed others that her husband valued her . She craved the status of that ; not his actual love . . A girl might act aloof or tease a boy , not because she wants to hurt him or push him away , but because she likes him and doesn 't know how to express her own feelings . I observed these things closely all my life , and I thought about them as I went about my days . And the more I understood , the more things made sense to me . I didn 't get upset when people behaved badly because I could see through it to the real reason , and I had compassion . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is al Where do I begin to explain ? My sin is something few humans can comprehend . They can understand murder and rape , thuggery and genocide better than they can comprehend my particular crime . This is not to say they accept or sympathize with such crimes against humanity , but they can make sense of the perhaps irrational motivations - the need to destroy , the need for power , the need for money , the need for freedom or supremacy especially after a lifetime of repression . Perhaps even misguided religious fervor . The human mind can understand how such malignancies can develop because they can make sense of the root cause . Not so for me . Even here , looking back , I can 't say I totally understand it myself . It was just a need , a drive I had . It was an attraction that I could not control . I suppose if I were different , stronger , I might have been able to control my behavior , but my feelings ? No . Impossible . For most people , sexual and romantic attraction are age - appropriate . A kindergartner might have a sweet first crush on another child in the class . A twelve - year old boy might try to steal a kiss from a another twelve year old . Teenagers lust after other teenagers . And adults generally mate amongst themselves . Certainly children develop crushes on teachers or older persons of authority , but most adults understand what the child has yet to learn : any sexual relationship would be completely inappropriate and out of balance . I , however , never grew out of my grade - school sexuality . By the time I reached my teens , girls my own age frightened me . I felt too much a child , myself . I sensed they could see right through me . I feared they could see things in me that I didn 't want them to see ; things which needed to remain hidden but which I had no ability to conceal . I suspected they would demand things of me - sexually , emotionally - which I knew I could not satisfy . I feared they would consume me whole or mock me . I kept my distance . I spent a lot of time alone . I eventually learned how to fit in . I wasn 't stupid , just emotionally immature with a tragic lack of impulse control . At first , I 'd just fantasize . There were times when my loving gaze fell too long on a beautiful little girl . The accompanying parent would quickly hustle the child out of my sight , while casting back a warning glare over his or her shoulder . I used to masturbate to catalogs of children 's clothing , filled with adorable models . Even as I did it , I recognized how pathetic I was . I went to a couple of those junior beauty pageants , but they were too creepy even for me . I recognized in the audience , other men with the same feelings as mine and it frightened me . I saw my future , older and just like them . I didn 't want to end up like that , even though I feared I would . One day , when I was in my late twenties , a new family moved into my apartment complex . They had a beautiful little daughter , maybe 10 or 11 . I fell instantly in love with her . I was obsessed . I bought a puppy to attract her attention , which was the perfect ruse . She would come over to pet him . I 'd give her little snacks to feed him . Then , I got her to help me teach him tricks . That gave me an opportunity to be around her longer , with her feeling happy and relaxed . Her pure joy ! Her unsullied innocence ! Her translucent skin that allowed her inner light to shine through ! The way she looked at me with those huge blue eyes when she asked me a question , and awaited my response as if having an audience with the Buddha ! Truly , I was in love . It was as real and deep and meaningful to me as any kind of love is to anyone . I was as nervous and afraid as any inexperienced young man might be about approaching a girl he likes . I didn 't want to frighten her . I wanted her to understand things as I did . I complemented her . Told her how pretty , how smart , how good with animals she was . I gave her small gifts . I invited her in for snacks . ( Her single mother worked , and she was mostly on her own in the afternoons . ) We 'd watch TV on the sofa , and eventually , we cuddled . For her , it was no different than it might have been cuddling with her own father , who had all but abandoned her and whose male attention she obviously missed . But for me , it was absolutely romantic . I was in heaven , just to have her near me , just to smell her hair , to hear her laugh . And then , one day , we got on the subject of boys . She wanted to know certain things about the facts of life , about male anatomy . From where I am now , I recognize that she was just a normally curious kid . Her father was absent and her mother was barely there . I was a trusted adult . Who else would she ask ? I understood it as a seduction . A black curtain inside of me blocked out all normal human emotional logic . In my immaturity , I imagined that she wanted me , as I wanted her . I believed that this was her way of making the first move . It meant she loved me ! I started so slowly and gently , just touching and telling her how beautiful she was , and how sexy , and how much I liked her and how she could drive a man mad . And she liked it . She did . But she liked it because she was just a child and she had nobody else to tell her these things that she desperately wanted to hear . In her own way , she was as needy and lost in the world as I was . Of course , she was just a child and I was the adult ; I should have known better . But it didn 't feel that way to me at the time . Emotionally , we were the same age . In fact , to me , she felt older . She seemed confident but in fact , she was just trusting and naïve , and was thus not nervous . She had no reason to be . Eventually , we had sex . At the time , in my delusional state , it seemed she desired me as much as I desired her . I realize now that I forced myself too quickly on her . She was not ready - not physically and not emotionally . Even if I 'd gone more slowly , she still wouldn 't have understood . For a young girl who is just beginning to recognize her potential as a woman , to sense she has power over an older man , is a heady feeling , . but is emotion that a ten year old mind cannot process in its full scope . She could not have understood all the ramifications . For her , it was a game : to have a man do whatever she asked ; give her whatever she wanted . That was as far as she thought about it . She might well have played this power game with her own father against her mother if he 'd been around more . It was not a sexual thing . She was just a child , only just beginning to understand her power as a female . She was testing her wings . She didn 't even understand , really , what sex was . She didn 't comprehend the brutality of it on her small body . She didn 't anticipate the pain . Or the terror of having a grown man upon her , essentially holding her prisoner . When I imagine her face now , I know she was terrified . But I didn 't stop . I couldn 't . I was oblivious to her panic . And when it was over , she cried . I tried to comfort her but she wanted no part of me . I will never forget the look in her eyes : they screamed " Betrayal ! " Her innocence was gone and it was all my fault . I had totally misjudged the situation ( because truly , there was some part of me that was missing , and this rendered me incapable of understanding any of the dynamic in what had just transpired . ) I understood after the fact that I 'd hurt her but I didn 't understand how I had so badly misjudged . Maybe I was also angry because I felt we were in it together , that our feelings for each other were mutual , that we both wanted it , and it wasn 't fair that she blamed me after she changed her mind . But again , this was a result of my immature thinking . And in the weeks following , whenever I 'd see her around , she would quickly walk the other way . There was a complete change in her demeanor . She had closed in on herself . She was no longer that open , trusting , carefree little girl . The joy had gone out of her eyes , replaced by shock , sadness , fear , mistrust . I 'd selfishly stolen her innocence . I was consumed by guilt . I knew I 'd done a horrific thing . I knew I had destroyed something in her , and that she would not get over it for a long time , if ever . And yet , I could not stop my desire . The worse I felt about myself , the more I needed the love of an innocent to justify my feelings , to restore my sense of self - worth . I couldn 't bear to see her . I couldn 't bear to have her look at me like that . I moved far away , to another city . Eventually , I went through something similar with another girl , age twelve . It , too , ended badly . And she also never told . I moved away , again . This was the right place for me . I fully felt I deserved it . It was a relief not have to worry about further temptation , because I knew if I were still out there , it would only happen again . There was something broken in me , but I couldn 't change it and I couldn 't stop it and with my limited emotional depth , I couldn 't even understand it . Being in jail for this kind of crime is probably one of the most difficult sentences a man can serve . Even other prisoners are repulsed by such urges . I did not last long in there , which was for the best . I was long out of choices . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! I was born in an unfortunate time . As a very young child , I was taught to walk quickly , keep my head down , never look strangers in the eye and certainly never to speak to them . I learned to blend into the background and make myself invisible . I was too small to completely understand what was going on , but I sensed enough to understand that the adults were deeply fearful . As things got worse and as I began to become more aware of what was happening around us , the fear took hold of me , too , like tentacles . It did not let go . I felt the panic everywhere ; it emanated from everyone . I could smell it in their sweat . I could sense it in the darting eyes , the furtive glances , and the hushed , secretive conversations which ended abruptly the moment they became aware I was in the room . Over time , I could feel it getting worse . Grownups started to disappear . Some neighbors - a father and son - went off to work in the morning and never came home . People said they saw them being taken away . My school friend 's mother went off alone to the market , never to return . At first , nobody could believe the truth because it was too terrible to comprehend . They could not believe that such a thing could happen to them , in modern times , in a modern country . This was not the middle ages ! Soldiers shot an old man in the middle of the street and kicked him as he lay bleeding to death . They laughed . This news sent chills , waves of nausea , horror , terror through the community . One night , the soldiers came to our building . We heard them calling in the street and ran to our places . They weren 't afraid of our hiding . They were on to our game . I could hear them , banging on doors , kicking them in , shooting off their guns . I heard screaming of people I knew . " Why ! ? Why are you doing this ? " they asked . " We 've done nothing wrong ! " they cried . It was like a mouse trying to reason with a hungry cat . I knew what was happening . I 'd seen it a few nights before , when they went to the building across the street . Shivering , terrified people in their pajamas stood outside in the cold , guarded by other soldiers with guns . But this night , I was in my place , huddled in a ball , trying not to sob or make any noise , though I was sure they could hear my heart pounding even in the street . I heard them come into our apartment . It was empty , or so it seemed . Maybe on spite for not finding anyone , or for fun , or out of pure evil or because they were too lazy to really look for us , they shot up our apartment . They laughed and fired bullets everywhere , as if they never had to worry about a lack of them . I found only my mother still alive . The soldiers ' bullets had penetrated the other hiding places and had killed my father , my brother and my grandmother . My mother wouldn 't let me look but I remember the blood dripping from my brother 's secret spot . That night , my mother packed up a small bag with some clothing , photos , whatever small valuables she had , and a enough food to take us only until the next day . She said a few prayers - it was the best we could do , because we could not bury our family properly - and we left . I had no idea where we were going . I don 't think she did either , but we both understood in our own way that remaining there was impossible . I remember walking for a long time . The next year or so was a blur to me . We moved all the time . We lived in hiding , like fugitives , like animals . Some people were kind . They gave us food and shelter , at great danger to themselves , but we were afraid to trust or endanger anyone too much . My mother learned about some people who might provide false documents for us , and we traveled to see them . It was a far and dangerous journey but we had no choice . We were among the lucky ones . We got the papers and my mother found a way for us to leave the country . I don 't know how she did it . She never spoke of it . When I brought up the subject , she closed down completely , overcome with such obvious sadness and pain , I quickly learned never to ask . It was a secret she took to her grave . I always suspected she gave herself to a man in exchange for this favor , and could not bear to think about the shame she felt at betraying my father . She did it for me . This I know . She would not have done it for herself , alone . We went on a boat , across the sea . And later , another boat , across an ocean . We started a new life in a new land . We assimilated as best we could , and had , by outside appearances , a normal life . My mother never remarried . She lived to 91 . The sorrow and fear never left her eyes . I think , until the day she died , she always expected them to come for her and her family again . I married and had children and tried my best not to transfer my lingering mistrust of strangers to them , my mistrust of life in general , nor my paranoia nor my deep sense of loss of the life I might have lived had my world not been turned upside down . I 'm not sure I succeeded very well . I think it was all well - embedded in my genes . Here is what I know : There is no such thing as permanence . The life you think you are living can be pulled out from under you at any time . You comfort yourself with the belief that although such atrocities might have happened in the past , they could never happen again . Humans can be so bitterly cruel to each other , it 's hard to comprehend they are of the same species . Without vigilance , life quickly becomes tragedy . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! I loved pain . I needed to be beaten and whipped , kicked and abused . This gave me not just pleasure but comfort , a feeling that life was in balance . The physical pain masked my psychic pain . In the throes of a beating , nothing else existed except the whip . Lost in the welts and the blood was the guilt I felt for being who I was . In those hours of total submission , I could lose myself in someone else 's control . I was no longer responsible for my life . The snap of leather on my skin kept me in the here and now . There were no other thoughts , no other feelings except that sharp bite . This pain was real , tangible . There were marks on my flesh to prove it . This was not some nebulous , esoteric angst which was impossible to identify . In those moments , I could almost hear my father 's voice . " You want something to cry about ! ? " the lash mocked . " I 'll give you something to cry about ! " It brought all my focus to my screaming nerve endings , and away from my head . It was a trade - off - one kind of pain for another . But physical pain could be healed , comforted , lovingly attended to . This is what grounded me and kept me in the moment . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! I was very good at appearances . My ornate façade was solidly built of bricks and mortar . Traps were set everywhere . It was so impressive , even to myself , I often failed to notice the vulnerability I still felt within . In masking it so well to others , I masked it to myself . In any case , I had no need to face my own weakness - that 's how thick my walls were . Nobody got in . I was so arrogant at my ability to play this game better than anyone else . I was proud of my fortress . While others inevitably showed their flaws and fears , I remained inviolate ; the victorious king in his impenetrable castle . But in the end , what did I gain by avoiding all the lessons I might have learned if I 'd taken the risks ? If I 'd let someone in ? If I ventured out ? I learned that self - protection is not the same as emotional bravery . And very often , by winning , you lose . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! Ipo It is in the nature of human beings to place their faith in a system of logic in which the world makes sense . They seek the type of structure which best suits their outlook . If they are the kind who need tangible , visible proof , they turn to science . If they are the kind who need ritual , they turn to religion . If they are the kind who don 't cotton to authority , they take a more nebulous spiritual path . Most humans don 't get beyond the specific rituals of their chosen path . They follow , but they don 't chart their own way . They stop seeking long before the real quest even begins . They become distracted by easy answers to their questions and quick solutions to their problems . Gurus speak of becoming one with a higher consciousness . Scientists speak of the wonders and secrets of the universe . Priests and rabbis and imams speak of abandoning oneself to God ( i . e . giving up the ego . ) They all speak of the same thing . When one understands that , they are just beginning to comprehend . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! Yes , today 's is a short one but there are some longer and more interesting ones are in the pipeline ! Don 't miss some really poignant , thought - provoking stories … Sign up to receive these stories via email ! And feel free to comment , ask a question and / or start a conversation about any of these stories or subjects . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! Some quiet their pain with excessive drink or inebriates . Perhaps they court danger by taking unnecessary risks . Perhaps they lie naked , too often , with strangers . Or attempt dominion over everything around them . They may eat or starve themselves until they lose their health ; or acquire too many things they do not need ; or alter their physical form in the hope their monster will not recognize them . Much pain can be eliminated once the source is found . In order to find it , however , one must stop running from it . It must be allowed to manifest itself completely in order to ascertain its full shape and size . It must be studied so its weaknesses are revealed . Confronting such a formidable enemy demands extraordinary bravery ; it requires cutting a new path across uncharted territory . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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We are a family of six . Two parents and four kids . " J " is 12 , She is super creative and artsy . " T " is 10 and our little jokester . He 's always cracking us up . " I " is 8 and he is our wild man , full of energy and as smart as a whip , and little Sweet Pea is 6 . She is our spirited one , a very independent girl . Friday , March 30 , 2012 Honestly when I started reading this book , I thought I wouldn 't make it past the second chapter . It felt dry and boring . The description on the back of the book kept me reading though and I 'm glad I did . There are 4 parts to the book , the first three parts tell the tale of three different people and how they came to the town called Beckon . The first part told the story of Jack Kendrick , a Anthropologist , who with his buddy Rudy came in search of his father who had disappeared 12 years ago . Jack , Rudy and their guide Ben explore some caves and end up lost in them . They find strange and frightening creatures down there . The second part is about a former LA policewoman named Elina Gutierrez who had come to Beckon in search of her cousin Javier . He had disappeared 4 weeks ago . She runs into some trouble while she is there . The third part tells about George Wilcox who is lured to Beckon by Thomas Vale with the promise of a cure for his wife . The fourth part brings them all together . I love a good mystery / thriller book and this book did it for me . The book was exciting and there was times where I couldn 't put the book down . In fact , I finished it within a few days which is a small feat with four young children underfoot . It definitely kept me at the edge of my seat until the very end . This book was a great read . I received this complimentary copy from Tyndale Publishers . A positive review was not required and all opinions expressed here are my own . First of all . . this man . . My crazy husband . . For the past 17 years I 've been in love with this man . He faithfully provides for us , he cares for us , he worries for us . He bakes for us . He drinks lemon juice for us . He helps with the homeschooling . Here he 's teaching " T " about money by selling candy to him . This man is a gem . He is a jokester . Sometimes he can get me laughing so hard that I can 't breathe . I have always loved that about him . The kids adore him . He 's a wonderful father . I remember being a child and pretending that my dolls were my children . Ever since I can remember I have wanted children . Now I 've been blessed with four of them . And they are growing up way to fast on me . Like this beauty . I can 't hardly believe that she has been with us for almost 10 years . I remember the day I found out she was coming like yesterday . This girl is smart , beautiful , sensitive , kind , loving and full of empathy for others . It amazes me that we have raised her up so well so far . Anyone that knows her , loves her . And this one . . . He turns 7 in 3 short days . He started out his life hard . He had 3 hospital stays in his first 2 years and many other times where he probably should have been in the hospital . He suffered from reflux and was a high maintenance babe . He has grown up into such a mellow , sensitive , easy going kid . He loves people . He 's not afraid to ask for what he wants . He takes after his dad . He loves to make people laugh . He wants to be a chef , a drummer and a scientist when he grows up and I 'm pretty sure he could make that happen . He 's determined . He 's clever . He can figure out any video game around . He 's been a wild man since babyhood . He started climbing at 10 months and never stopped . We had to take the ladder off the top bunk when he was 12 months old because he figured out how to climb it . At 18 months we had to push a dresser next to the headboard of the bunk because he had figured out how to climb it to get up to the top bunk . At 20 months we had to take the bunks down all together because he had learned how to climb up the dresser to get up on the top bunk . This boy is a sweetie . He loves wholeheartedly . He says the funniest things like the other day when he told us that his belly hurt because he had alive M & M guys in there . He does everything to the fullest . He 's full of curiousity . He 's constantly moving . My youngest girlie . . what a girl she is . As a baby , I called her my dream baby . She slept so well , she ate well . She was such a sweet tiny babe . At 2 . 5 , she is a handful . I think she literally thinks she is a princess and we all are her servants . She 's independent . She knows what she wants and how she wants it . It 's her way or the highway . I am enjoying watching her personality come out and watching her grow . She has taught me so much about how I 've parented and how to parent her . She 's strong willed . I don 't think that 's a bad thing . Just something that we have to adapt around so that it works for us . She is super smart and she can be sweet and lovable when she wants to be . She 's got a smile to die for . She 's a mama 's girl . All the other kids have always been attached to daddy but this one 's mine . Oh she adores daddy but when it comes to who is allowed to comfort her or do things for her , it 's mama all the way . I 'm thankful for my dad . . . He 's always there for me . Willing to help on any project my mind conjurers up . He 's smart , he 's handy , he 's generous of his time and his love . He 's amazing . He 's my daddy . I 'm thankful for new babies in the family . Especially now that we aren 't having any more kids . There 's nothing like a soft squishy cuddly baby to wrap your arms around . This one is my nephew Griffin who is just 5 weeks old . I have 3 other nephews and two neices . Another thing that I 'm thankful for is good friends for my kids . I didn 't have many friends as a kid and always felt alone in that . I 'm so glad that my kids have a ton of friends that they can laugh with and have fun with . 1 . My family . My mom , my brothers , my sister and their families . My mother and father in law , my brothers and sisters in law . I 'm sure there are other things that I 'm forgetting but for now , I 've gotta get supper on the table for my family . Who ever reads this . I 'm thankful for you . So a couple of weeks ago we came across in T 's " schoolwork a picture of a coconut . " T " wanted to know what it was . So I explained it to him and he said he 'd love to try one . He 's had the shaved coconut before but he wanted to see a whole one . So the next time we were at the grocery store we saw one and he begged to buy one because he wanted to see it opened up . So seeing as it was on sale and I thought it was a good lesson for him , we bought one . Fast forward to last monday night . It was Sabbath week ( every seven weeks , our church takes a week break so all lifegroups are cancelled ) and it was also March break which meant that " T " didn 't have karate . ( it 's held in a school ) So we had our night all planned out . We had supper , we were going to open our coconut and taste it and since it was beautiful out , we were going to go on a family walk . Fun stuff . So since Hubby and I had never opened a coconut before we were sure to look up a few you - tube videos so that we knew the correct way to do it . Because of course these days , you tube videos know everything . First we dug a hole into it with scissors to drain the water out . Next we had to crack it open . After a few whacks with the back of a knife , with no result , we moved onto a hammer . That did the trick . It cracked right in half . The next part was removing the coconut meat from the shell . Now this is where things began to go wrong . . And I do have to admit . My husband was right . Shh don 't tell him . You see the you - tube videos said to use a knife that bent easily so that it would conform to the curved shape of the shell . Well , I don 't have a bendy knife . I just have regular knives . Since I can be stubborn , I figured I could just do it with a regular knife if I was careful . And I was trying to be careful . So I stood over the sink and began to dig the coconut out . This was going to take some time . I gave the kids all an initial taste test and as they began to lose interest , they slowly began to leave the room . ( In hindsight , maybe a God thing ? ) Hubby started to leave the room and I jokingly say to him , " you know I 'm gonna end up cutting myself right ? " He said something about using a bendy knife and to that I just said " yah yah " ( see ? stubborn I tell ya ! ) 2 minutes later ? You guessed it . Coconut shell slipped from my hand , knife slipped into my hand . I had accidentally stabbed myself . Wow that hurt . I yelled and Hubby and the kids came running . My head started to get cloudy . Hubby is talking to me but I 'm not quite sure what he is saying . I leaned against the sink as he gave me a cloth and suddenly things became clear . I asked Hubby to get some gauze and let me think . It was 6 : 30 at night . . . almost bedtime . . . I knew I would probably need some stitches . Hubby came back asking if we needed to go to the hospital and yelling to the kids to get their boots on . Then it came to me ! Call Dad ! So Hubby got on the phone and soon my dad came and got me . After a 2 . 5 hour wait in the waiting room , I was seen . 3 Stitches and a tetanus shot later I was sent on my way . I gotta say . . getting need stuck into a nice stab wound was not pleasant but the freezing that came with it was such a relief . I 'm so thankful to my dad who took the time and stayed with me the whole time . He really is the best ! My lesson learned . . listen to youtube videos ( and your husband ) hehe . no seriously . . . . I wrote a little list of things I needed to buy at the store yesterday , then had J add a few other things . When I got the list back , there was a heart drawn on it and inside the heart was written " Don 't play with knives please mom " Thank you " J " . . I 'll try to remember that . So here I am , typing mostly one handed ( I 've gotten really good at using my pinky , ring and middle fingers ) my story . I can tell you right now . . I 'll probably buy my coconut in the bag variety from now on . I have a wicked bruise on my hand . It extends from my palm , around my thumb to the knuckle and between my thumb and index finger . It 's really fascinating . I 'll spare you a picture of the actual stitches but I thought the bruise was kind of cool . That 's all for now ! And just to amuse you , there 's a picture of Sweet Pea down at the bottom . I found this pic today when I emptied my camera card . It was taken at breakfast a week or so ago . Somehow she flipped her bowl of cereal right into her face . Of course we had to take a picture ! Your son becomes poop . At least that 's what happened to my son . Every week we get together with another homeschool family and do some group schooling . It 's called " Exploring Creation with Human Anatomy and Physiology " by Jeannie Fulbright . Yesterday we finished the lesson on the digestive system . And since our two girls are always making up plays , we decided to give them a project . Make a play all about the digestive system . They ran off and in record time came back and said they were ready . It was quite the play . T and C were the food . T is a slice of pizza and C is broccoli . Don 't those sound lovely together ? Here B is preparing to eat the food . Eventually the food is evacuated from the body . . Here B demonstrates sitting on the toilet and since T " had a brown sweater on , guess what he was elected to be . . yep you guessed it . The poop ! I 'm having a really hard time starting my day today . It could have something to do with the fact that Sweet Pea had a hard time sleeping last night and kept screaming out my name . By the time I 'd get in there , she would already be asleep again . . . Maybe she was screaming out in her sleep . Who knows . All I know is that I have a headache and I 'm feeling rather lazy today . It 's 9 : 20 though and I 've got all three kids started with their schoolwork and Sweet Pea is playing with her baby and stroller . What makes my day worth living ? The way my heart melts when Sweet Pea asks me to fix her stroller and phrases it like this . . . " Can you fix my stroller , my mama ? " How can that not just make your whole day ? The other day we got to do a science experiment . The kids LOVE to do science experiments . J has been doing a unit in her science called Water and Matter . In it she is learning about soluble and insoluble substances . So we did a little experiment with things we had around the house and learned what was soluble in water and what wasn 't . T had to get in on the sciencey stuff too . First we filled 4 cups with water . Then J added salt to the first one and stirred it around . What do you know ! It dissolved ! Next she added sugar to cup number 2 . Amazing ! It dissolved as well . Cup number 3 got some sand . I bet you are wondering why I have sand lying around my house . . After a couple of years of saying " oops we can 't do this experiment because there is snow on the ground and we can 't get the supplies " I got smart and looked through our science curriculum this summer and created a kit of everything we would need this year . The sand came courtesy of my friend Holly . It 's official science experiment sand . She stirred and stirred but that darn sand just wouldn 't dissolve . Next comes the oil into cup number four . No J , no amount of stirring will dissolve that oil . And there you have it folks . Sugar and Salt are soluble substances while sand and oil are not . Aren 't you glad you learned something today ? My kids are ! Let me tell you some stories . The first thing I 'm going to say is this : It 's 10 : 30 at night and I " m exhausted from yet another busy day . It 's not abnormal for me to feel this way . When " I " was 2 , I couldn 't keep myself awake past 10 : 30 . He would hit the floor running in the morning and not stop til his eyes closed at night . He was busy ! Climbing , getting into things and doing typical two year old boy things . But this is a different kind of exhausted . My girl Sweet Pea keeps me mentally exhausted . She is so independent and strong willed that I get to the point where I don 't want to think anymore . Here are some of our adventures today . This morning she woke in a pretty good mood . I was happy but I knew that it probably wouldn 't last . I successfully convinced her to use the bathroom . I got her usual breakfast started ( waffles and cerweal ) She ate up her waffles pretty good . . Even tried to trade her half eaten waffle for her brother 's full one and didn 't pitch a fit when he refused . When she was done , she decided that she would like another waffle and very politely asked for another one . So I popped another eggo in the toaster . Here comes the first fit of the day . . . . are you ready for it ? My loving husband was rushing out the door to work when the toaster popped up just as he was walking by it . So he grabbed the waffle and put it down on Sweet Pea 's plate . " NO I wanted to get it ! ! ! " she screams . He says sorry and rushes out the door , probably thankful to be going to work and not having to deal with what comes next . I was at the stove top making oatmeal for my boys when I hear the plate and the waffle hit the floor . Yes she threw them . I sighed and continued on with what I was doing . I tend to ignore her tantrums quite a bit . " I " , who for some strange reason will eat floor food no matter where it 's been made a bee line for the floor waffle . At first I told him to leave it but then I figured it would probably teach her a bit of a lesson if her brother ate it . So I told him he could have it . A few minutes later , Sweet Pea is on the floor searching for her thrown waffle . I told her that when she throws her waffle . her brother will eat it and that was that . Thankfully she had calmed down from her rage and was okay with that . And on went our day . The rest of the morning was fairly uneventful aside from her running out to the living room naked from the waist down and yelling at the kids not to look at her bum . She was looking for her underwear . We found her some and she went off to play . One by one the three older kids finished their schoolwork and went off to play with her . Surprisingly she plays very nicely with her brothers and sister and doesn 't seem quite as strong willed when it comes to them . I made my grocery shopping list and when I was ready I told the kids to get ready to go . Out of the four of them , my little two year old surprised me by being the first to get her boots and coat on . Off we went to do our errands . I had to stop by my dad 's to give him a twoonie that I had found that had three bears on it . He collects them . Thankfully the life saver that he is , he hopped in the car and drove with me to the few errands I had in that part of town . I was able to run in and do my thing while he sat in the car with the kids and chatted . It literally only took 10 - 15 minutes to do what would have taken at least 45 minutes if I had to drag the four of them in each store I went into . We dropped dad back off and it was off to the grocery store . The smart mom in me actually came out as we were heading into the store and I took everyone to the bathroom BEFORE we started our grocery shopping . When we were done , I put both Sweet Pea and " I " into the cart ( gotta love those double seater carts ) and set off with J being the list checker and T grabbing things off the shelves for me . At home I had organized my list according to the aisles and I just KNEW that this time , it would be faster . ( this was about 2 : 30 or so ) I was planning on meatloaf for supper and knew I needed to get back in time to cook it . Things were going pretty well . J was happy with my organized list and we were whipping through the aisles . Until we got to the dairy aisle when Sweet Pea discovered that if she could reach down with her boot , she could push my grocery bin and bags off the bottom of the cart . Ugh . . . I tried reasoning with her . . nope . . I tried being firm with her . . . . nope . . . . finally I just took her boots off and threw them in the bin . Without her boot , she couldn 't reach the bin . Problem solved . This is when " I " decides that he needs to go to the bathroom again . . . this time number two . . . GREAT ! So off we go across the store , into the elevator , down the hall to the bathroom . I had J take him in while we waited outside the bathroom door because it is next to impossible to squeeze those big carts through those small doors . A million years later , we were back on our way . We were on track again . . . chugging along . . . . then I think it was in aisle 9 as I was trying to decide which brand of honey I would buy , Sweet Pea gets mad . . I 'm still not sure what provoked her but I could almost hear her thoughts . . " what does mommy hate the most ? hmmm I know squished bread ! " She grabbed the nearest bread product in the cart which happened to be hamburger buns . She proceeded to hug those buns very very very tightly . I had to pry both those little arms off my bread . She then looked for something else and laid her eyes on the eggs . yikes . She began slapping them so I grabbed her little hands and held them to the cart handle until she had forgotten what she was mad about . Then she was perfectly happy again . Soon we were done with our grocery shopping and headed home . . Our shopping trip with trips to the bathroom and disciplining actually took longer than usual despite my planning . The nice meatloaf supper I was dreaming of was becoming a distant wish as it was 4 : 30 and I needed something quicker . Fast forward to supper time . I like to get Sweet Pea involved in things that will teach her a little responsibility . So I asked if she would like to get the ketchup out of the fridge and put it on the table . She said no ( first mistake . . asking her if she would like to . . I have to make it seem like it was her idea . What I should have said was . . We need ketchup for our chicken nuggets and french fries but it 's in the fridge . . . . ) So I ask one of the other kids to do it and " I " , always eager to help , jumps up and gets it on the table . Sweet Pea screams " NO I DO IT ! " The next thing I know , the ketchup is flying through the air across the room . Hubby was home at this point and I all too gladly left the disciplining up to him . He put her on time out . . . she jumped off , he put her back , she jumped off and hits him , he put her back , she tries to hit him again and misses , he puts her back and so on and so forth for the next 5 - 10 minutes . It was one fight that she was going to lose and she finally realized it and sat quietly . Supper was uneventful and eventually it was bed time and she was oh so agreeable when I promised to read her two stories . And that my friends is a day in the life of a strong willed 2 year old . I 'm sure you can see why I " m exhausted . She tests me at every corner and I 'm constantly rethinking my parenting strategy . I do have to brag . . . A lot of times , I can make her do exactly what I want her to do with out a fuss just by phrasing things right . But I admit , when it comes to raising her . . I have to think a lot . Every moment , I have to stop and think before I say or do things . And before you think that she acts this way because she gets away with it . . believe me she doesn 't . I don 't tolerate defiance and hitting very well . There are some days that she spends a good portion of it in her room on time out . But I 've got to pick my battles and you know what . . sometimes she needs to win one . She is testing her independence and who am I to say she can 't have an opinion about the things going on in her world . . So I was at my bible study tonight . . and I was thinking and praying . . . not particularly about Sweet Pea , but she popped into my mind . . . and I said to God . . . I wish it was a bit easier . . . I wish she wouldn 't fight me on every single thing . . . Then I realized . . . I have it easy . . . . I have four wonderful well behaved children for the most part . They are healthy and happy . They teach me something every single day . So I 'm not going to dwell on how hard it is to deal with her . I 'm going to thank God for her . . for her independence and her opinions . I 'm going to love on her as best as I know how and keep trying . Because that 's what Mom 's do . Today my third one , my hyper , active crazy boy who I thought would be so hard to teach because he just can 't stay still has finished preschool . Three months early ! I amazes me at how much he wants to work on school and how focused he can be . Sometimes he would do 25 - 26 pages in one sitting . If you know I , I know that you will be shocked at that . " I " is such a busy boy , it 's hard to imagine him sitting still for that long to get anything done but he really does have the focus that it takes to get his school work done . Of course , I 'm his mom and I know him and his limits . I 'm sure that helps . I know when he needs to move around and give him slack for that . I think if he were in public school , he wouldn 't do as well . It 's just a basic need that he has to constantly be moving . I know he would be such a disruption in a classroom but here one on one he excels . ( well realistically it 's one on four but who 's counting ) I 'm so proud of him . He really is a sweet , caring boy . I 've always said he doesn 't know how to do life halfway and he 's proving it . I love that about him . What 's next ? Well , on Monday we start the process of teaching him to read . His kindergarten year . I think by the time he is supposed to start kindergarten , he will have a good foundation in reading which will really help him out in the long run . He 's excited to learn to read and do the same book as his big brother is currently doing .
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It was the best I could do . I was lying on my front with my face in the pillow . " Come on . Up and at ' em ! Big day today ! Your grandfather is taking you to the school to register . I doubt you 'll attend today , but I have no idea . So come on . Up and get dressed , and come down for breakfast . It 'll be ready in a few minutes . " I hated waking up . Always did . It was the worst part of the day . I hadn 't been woken up by someone for a while . Mom had stopped doing that last year sometime , and I 'd been late to school a lot until I started using an alarm clock . I opened an eye and turned my head . There was seven minutes until the new alarm clock was going to go off . She sounded way too cheerful . But at least she didn 't sound like she was going to come pull me out of the bed and across the floor and push me into the tub and turn on the cold water from the shower head . After that morning , I always set the alarm and got up on my own . I 'd only had underwear on , and it was humiliating to be dragged down the hallway by my arm , my ass on the floor , trying to keep them from being pulled down over my legs with my only free hand in front of her laughing boyfriend . She smiled and said , " You 're no old man , but you 're no little kid anymore , either . But please , don 't keep sleeping in your clothes . We can get you pajamas , or some big boxer shorts you can use . " " Get a shower if you want , then get dressed and come downstairs . Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes . Put on something nice . I want you looking decent in case you go to classes today . And in front of the school people anyway . And your grandfather says he 's taking you to get a few more things today as well . " " Okay , " I said , then swung my feet off the bed and wiped my eyes . She was gone when I opened them again . I looked around me . I was in my own room , with a big , soft bed , and a dresser , and tons of clothes . The bag of school supplies was on the table , and a tee - vee that I had wired up to the antenna on the roof myself sat next to them . And there were a few books I didn 't have to worry would come up missing . The sun shined in through the windows and birds sang outside , their music carried in with the warm breeze that smelled like flowers and fresh - cut grass . Grass that I had cut yesterday on an actual farm tractor . It was so quiet and peaceful and comfortable . And clean . And it was safe . And I felt loved . I smiled and cried . How can we do that at the same time ? Fucking weird things , we humans . " Cryin 's for kids , " I told myself , wiping my eyes and heading to the dresser for clean clothes . I took a nice , long , hot shower . No fears that he would come barging in and make jokes about my body or my parts . I got dressed . I looked pretty normal in the long mirror on the back of the door . Just like any other boy my age . Maybe even a little better looking than some . The clothes looked new , but they were , so there was no way to hide that . That made me feel conspicuous . One of the words I wasn 't supposed to know . But it had been in some books , so I 'd figured out what it meant and knew how to use it . And I sure felt it in those new clothes . I brushed my hair and looked at my face . I wasn 't so dorky . Not really . I always thought of myself as one . No friends , reads books , gets good grades - dork . But I didn 't look like one . Blond hair , blue eyes , round face , nice nose that wasn 't big , lips that weren 't crooked or fat or skinny , and a chin that looked like it could take a hit or two . I kind of looked like Steven Bradley back in Chicago . He was popular with the girls . I wondered why . I thought of how he laughed and smiled and talked to them . And how he just acted like he was cool . It seemed to come naturally to him . I wondered how . I wondered if he ever worried about being pushed around , or ignored , or picked on . I wondered if it was an act . I wondered if I could put on that act . I thought I could try . I stood up straighter . I squared my shoulders . I put on a smile . It looked stupid . I changed it . I changed it again . Better . I tried an angry face , as if someone said something mean . I tried another . Better . I tried a friendly , " Hi . " I tried it more like Steven . It looked better . I memorized them . I flipped from one to another , over and over , until I knew them pat . I hoped they worked . I went downstairs for breakfast . It was awesome ! Gran knew how to cook ! Bacon done the way I said I liked it when she asked , eggs scrambled the way I said I liked them when she asked , oatmeal that tasted like food and not cardboard , with honey on it , toast with butter and jelly , and orange juice and milk . I was going to get so fat ! I knew he was teasing . I wasn 't used to that . Being made fun of , sure , but not just having fun . It made me feel warm and good . " Oh , yes , and he needs something to sleep in . He did in his clothes last night , " Grandma said , grinning at me in a way that instantly reminded me of earlier and had me blushing . I slammed my face into my palm and groaned . " I suggested he get some oversized boxer shorts to use . He can wear his usual undies under ' em . " I could hear them grinning . It was so embarrassing . I knew they were having fun , that 's all . And it wasn 't really all that bad , not really , but , oh , geeze . " Your father knew he was a stunner at your age . He was chasin ' the girls by your age , and had already got his first kiss . We didn 't have time to tease him . So maybe that 's why we 're takin ' it out on you , makin ' up for what we didn 't get to do so much with . . . your father . " I moved my hand so that I could see her . Her voice sounded more and more . . . something , as she went on . Now she looked close to crying . I realized in a flash that me being there was making them think of my dad when he was a kid my age . I hadn 't even thought of such a thing until that second . Now I knew they were having sort of flashbacks and thoughts about him and that it was making them sad . Grandpa reached out and held her hand on top of the table . She wiped her eyes and smiled at him , then at me . I felt like an asshole for making them think about my dad again . " Don 't be sorry , Aiden , honey . We couldn 't be gladder you 're here . Honest . Just . . . sometimes we 're gonna remember , that 's all . We did before you came . It 's just the way things work . So don 't you be feelin ' like you 're any trouble or it 's your fault or something stupid like that . We love you , Aiden , and we loved your dad . And it 's just so . . . wonderful to have you here . Sometimes we 're gonna think of the old times with your dad is all . Not your fault , honey , okay ? " She smiled at me and pushed my hair around a little while she talked . I knew to put on a good smile and nod . I understood about remembering old times and things like that . Some books I read aren 't just flimsy science - fiction or sword - and - sorcery fantasy stuff . Some were books that would have gotten me called a fag or a sissy for reading . They were good , too . After I did , we helped clean the table , then I went upstairs and got my school supplies together in my new pack . My stomach was turning over , and not from the big breakfast that I wasn 't used to having . I didn 't know if I would be going to classes or not , but I felt as if I were . I didn 't know what to expect . I 'd never been good at making friends . I knew I would be the new kid , too . I 'd seen what happens to the new kid more than once . But I knew I had to go . And I sort of liked school . I wanted to go . I just didn 't want to go through all the bull shit that came along with going to school . I looked around my room . My room . A bed . A dresser . Some rugs . Clothes . Books . Television . Windows . Light . Clean . Tidy . Comfortable . Home . The school was small compared to my old one . It was barely big enough to call a school . One story . Geeze . But it had room for a track and football field next to it , and a baseball diamond behind it next to a soccer field and two tennis courts with basketball goals at each end . Inside , it was so clean ! It looked so new , but it was obviously old . The lockers were all painted blue , with no tags or scrawls . No papers all over the floors . No broken windows in the doors . All the lights were on and working . And it smelled like cleaning stuff . The offices were bright and cheerful . We went to the counter and Grandpa said he wanted to register a new student . He handed her some papers the lawyer had given him yesterday . " Oh , yes . Young Aiden . We were told to expect him today . Here are the forms you need to fill out . You can have a seat over there and I 'll get started with these . " She smiled at me and nodded . " Welcome to Lincoln Elementary , Aiden . " " You 'll be in Missus Clark 's class . That 's room 144 . You turn left when you leave the office , and go around to the right along the hall , and it 's near the end on your left . All the sixth - grade classes are up there . The gymnasium is just down the hall at the end . And the lunch room is the big one at that corner you 'll turn at the end of this hall . You can 't miss it . Here 's a map for you . " The school was L shaped , with the lunchroom in the crook of the L , and the gym at the far end of it . The offices were at the top of the L . It was so simple . Nothing like the maze my old school was . " Have a seat with your Grandpa and help him fill out these papers , then you can go to your class . Okay ? " Looked like I was going to classes today after all . I was happy and nervous and worried . We sat down , and Grandpa filled out the papers , asking me questions like what my old school was , its address , my student identification number , all kinds of things . Except what classes I 'd had . When we were done , we went back to the counter . " Looks good . It 'll take a few days to get his records , I 'm sure . " She handed me a piece of yellow paper titled ' New Student Pass ' with my name written on it . " Do you have any questions ? " " What classes will I have ? When do I find out ? Do I just go to this one room and stay for whatever class is going on right now ? " " We don 't do that here . Not until junior high , next year . This year , you 'll stay in room 144 all day , with Missus Clark . She 'll teach you all your subjects . No going from room to room or changing teachers . " I smiled and nodded . At least I wouldn 't have my grandpa walking me to my class on my first day . He nodded toward the door . I nodded at him and started walking to my classroom . The school was just so amazingly clean . And the room numbers were all in place , too . The cafeteria was small compared to my old school , but it was so amazingly bright and clean . The tables were shiny and neatly ordered . The floor looked clean and shiny enough to eat off of . Around the corner , I found room 144 easily . Just four more rooms to the gym doors . I stood in front of it , looking at the numbers , feeling like I was about to jump off a cliff . My heart was hammering . My guts were turning over . My breathing was fast and shaky . I worked on those faces I had done in the mirror that morning . I adjusted my pack on my shoulder . I checked my shirt and pants . I squared my shoulders . I stood up straight . I put on that mild smile . I swallowed a couple times , then reached out and turned the door knob . The room was bright and clean . Kids sat in neat rows of desks , and turned their heads toward me all at the same time , like a flock of birds . I pretended that calm , cool , easy manner of Steve 's . I nodded toward them like I knew them . I walked right up to the teacher . She was probably the same age as my mom , but she looked like she had taken care of herself instead of using every drug she could get her hands on for years . She smiled and took the paper from my hand when I held it out to her . " Hi , Aiden , " most of them said in unison . Some smiled at me , some looked blank or bored , some sort of frowned at me . Most of the girls were smiling . I did my best Steven Bradley wave , smile , and , " Hi . " " You can choose any open desk . I suggest the one next to Howard Pace , near the window , " she said , pointing it out . " He 'll be good to get to know and help you catch up with our lessons . " It was as good a choice as any other as far as I was concerned . Howard looked like the class dork , though . Black - framed glasses , nerdy stripped shirt , and short jeans that showed off his white socks . And black dress shoes . What a dork . But the girl in front of the empty desk was cute . And she was grinning at me . And on the other side of the empty chair was another cute girl who was smiling at me . At least I could claim they were the reason I took the seat . So I did . I shook it . It was cold and clammy and almost sweaty . Up close , he was a total dweeb . Black eyes , black hair , thin lips , those ugly black glasses , and clothes that screamed country bumpkin . " I 'm Katy Haskins , " the girl in front of me said , smiling at me . Bright gray eyes , hair like honey , and lips so red she had to be wearing lipstick . Maybe a big girl , but not by much . And she had breasts ! Not big ones , but obvious ones in that blue top . Curly , long , blond hair and brown eyes . Narrow everything ; face , nose , chin , build , everything . White shirt with frills and red skirt that stopped at her thighs . The teacher started talking about history . It wasn 't familiar at all . It was about France and its revolution . I 'd read a couple of books that took place around that time , so I knew about it , but I 'd never studied it at all . I wondered if the school was backward or ahead . It looked like I was going to need Howard 's help . By the time lunch came up , I was worried . History had been bad enough , but the lessons on punctuation were way out of my experience . Semi - colons were strange and odd , and what experience I had with them were confusing passages in thick , heavy , dense books . Then math . Converting fractions to decimals ? Why would we need to ever do that anyway ? I was fucked . I actually walked out of the class with a girl on both sides of me . I knew what Steve must have always felt like . It was awesome ! We went through the lunch line . The food smelled and looked pretty good . Way better than my old school . We sat down with a bunch of others , boys and girls . Nothing like my old school . Back there , boys sat with boys , girls with girls . I looked around and saw tons of tables where only boys or girls sat , but only a couple of tables had this mix . I wondered what that was all about . They all seemed so friendly . Carol introduced me to everyone . They were all nice and said , " Hi , " or , " Hey . " The name smacked me in the face . The lady at the store had said he was her son . He smiled and nodded at me . He had her eyes ; brown , dark and deep , almost black . And her round , soft features . But that had to be his dad 's strong chin . " Hi , Aiden . Heard you 'd be in my class . " " Really ? " some of the girls asked . I was quizzed what it was like to live in the city , what the school had been like , and a lot of such things . I tried to be honest , but I had to seem mysterious and brave , right ? So what if I told them how the gangs were so rough , that you had to fight to stay out of them . Or how the black gangs fought with the latino gangs and the white gangs , and how the white gangs tried to make me join them , but I was too independent to want to be part of that crap . Well , I said , " that fucking shit , " but , you know . By the time lunch was over , I had told them how I had come to the country to get away from the death threats from the gangs who wanted me to join , or else . And how if I hadn 't left , I 'd be in the hospital or dead . They knew my dad had been shot to death by a gang member . At least that was true . And that my mom was in trouble and had to get me away from that , too . And I was invited to Christen Sawyer 's thirteenth birthday party next month . He was the tallest and oldest at the table . And probably the class hotshot . Or one of them . His dad was the town mayor . And everyone was sure his party was going to be epic . Back in class , I found that I was behind in Social Studies as well . And in Foreign Studies . I 'd never heard of that before . They were looking at India . It was a lot like World Experience class . When three o ' clock came , and the bell , Carol and Katy walked with me to show me where my locker was . I had an arm full of books to put in it . I spun the combination as they talked about the upcoming party and how I would love their other friends , and how I was going to have such a good time . " Good thing it 's not a date party . We 'd have to fight to see who goes with you , " Katy said , giggling . " Yeah . Screw class . Oh ! You going to be on any teams next year ? We got a great baseball team here . The best in the conference . " I had my books in my pack now , and the other things in my locker , so I shut it and locked it , and walked with the two of them toward the front of the school . They talked about the party and who was going to be there , and how great it was going to be , and such things . When I saw Howard sitting in front of his locker , I stopped to talk to him . I needed his help . " Sure . You sit next to me in class . And Missus Clark said you 'd be the one to get help from . So , will ya ? " That late ? Why ? I almost asked , but it seemed . . . just seemed like I shouldn 't make a deal out of it . " So , maybe we can study in the library or something ? " He sure seemed suspicious of me . I didn 't like that . I was used to being suspicious of others , and I didn 't like that I was making someone else feel that way . I waved and turned to walk the way we had been before I stopped to talk to him . He didn 't wave back , or smile , just sort of looked at me like he was expecting me to throw something at him , like an insult or a kick . I really didn 't like that at all . We walked out the front doors and to a line of waiting busses . " Route seven is ours , " Carol said , pointing at one of the busses that had a big seven on a white paper in the window by the doors . " Nine is mine , " Katy said , pointing at another . We ended up talking about the party next month , and the one last month for Heather Farthing 's thirteenth . Well , they did . I mostly listened and nodded , and smiled Steven 's smile . " Time to go , " Carol said when the busses honked , one after another . " See you tomorrow , tiger . " She smiled at me , and I was almost sure she was going to actually try to kiss me ! But then Katy leaned over and pecked me on the cheek really quick and said , " See you tomorrow , cutie . " I almost pissed down my leg ! " You 're such a whore ! " Carol laughed at her . I had time to recover before they paid me any attention . By the time they were done laughing and looked at me again , I had on Steve 's winning smile and had my shoulders back and my spine straight . " I 'll see you tomorrow , " I said as smoothly as Steve could , then waved and turned to walk back toward the doors and wait for my grandpa to show up . I 'd seen girls look at his butt when he walked away from them , so I made sure I sort of wiggled it back and forth like he did . I heard them giggle . When I sat down on the bench by the doors , they were both on the busses . I didn 't look for them in the windows . I did that Steven thing where he leans back on his hands with his ankles crossed and looks up at the sky and seems to be thinking deep , important , mysterious thoughts . I was thinking how great it was to be Steven Bradley . My first day , and I had two girls making moves on me , and one kissed my cheek . " Yeah . Girls back in Chicago are the same . Some . Some 'll jump ya first date and do whatever you want . But they 'll give ya the itch and scabs , too . " I wondered if he 'd really got head from Katy or if it was bull shit . I 'd gotten head , but from a guy . An older guy . And I suddenly thought about him and missed him . I had to shove those thoughts away really fast . " I know Katy does , though . Honest . She gave Mark Hawkins one . She even admitted it once , but it got around , and she 'd probably get pissed if you mention it . But you can ask around . It 's true . " I went back to gazing thoughtfully at the sky , like Steven . I was amazed that I was making friends with the cool kids . I was part of the cool crowd . Not only the cool crowd , but the oldest class in school , too . The sixth - grade cool crowd . The kings of the school . The store offered very little . Most were too small , just kids bikes . They had ten - speeds in my size , but they were dainty looking things with wheels and tires so narrow that I didn 't see how anyone could keep them from falling over onto their sides . I had to choose from a red one with knobby tires and no gears , or a white one with less knobby tires and five gears . The red one was cheaper , so I went with it . It was still a lot . Then the clothes section . He left me alone after some advice about size . I found ones that were large enough and weren 't in an old man style . I got two packs of three pairs . And some very large , long , white t - shirts , also as advised by Gramps . Then home . Home ! I changed and met him at the barn . Feeding the chickens and other animals , cleaning up after them , and then we fixed one of the barn doors that had a bad hinge . It was all dusty , dirty , sweaty work . I liked it . It was real work . Doing something that mattered . Taking care of the animals made sure we had food in future . Fixing the barn door made sure wild dogs and wolves and such didn 't get in to them . We were taking care of our own futures . We didn 't have to rely entirely on the stores . It was really a neat feeling . Maybe I was meant to be a farm boy ? Then a shower and into regular clothes . Not work clothes , not school clothes , not formal clothes . Regular clothes . I had clothes for more than just wearing all day to do everything in . Amazing . Dinner was great . More real food that wasn 't microwaved shit in a box . Hot , fresh , real food . I had no idea what I had been missing all those years . Eggs from the barn , ham from the pen , corn from the fields , biscuits made from wheat from the fields and milk from the cows in the barn , milk that I also drank from an actual glass glass . All the porcelain plates set on a red and white checkered table cloth . I wondered if it would all ever seem real or not . Then , after clearing the table , and helping Grandma put them away after she washed the dishes , Gramps sat down with his bible and a cigarette , Grandma got to work on her crochet . " The lawyer said I was probably going to stay here . And I went to school today . And they got me tons of clothes yesterday . Good ones . And a bike . I got to learn to ride it yet . And I have to stay in the same class all day ! Is that weird or what ? Oh , and I think I made friends already . There 's these two girls in my class , and they were really nice . And this guy , Kevin , he was so cool . They 're like the coolest kids in class , and they 're nice ! They asked me to have lunch with them ! And tomorrow . And one , Katy , is on my bus . And Kevin seems really cool . We were talking after school . And I got invited to this party next month . I forgot to ask Grandma and Grandpa if I could go yet ! I bet they 'll let me . " For a moment , I almost told him that would never work , that I was being Steven Bradley , and that was working . But I didn 't know if I should . I sure didn 't want to argue with him about it , or anything . And what we did . Am I gay ? What if I am ? Is he ? Has to be . Is he one of those weird pedos ? Has to be . Will I be ? Did he turn me into one ? What if I become one ? " Me too , Aiden . I . . . " He sighed and sounded weird . " I don 't think I 'll be . . . well . . . picking up anyone . " " Never mind . Not worth wasting the time on it . So , tell me about this Katy and Carol . Which one you want to go to this party with ? " " It 's not that kind of party ! Geeze ! I 'm not going with either one . They 're both going to be there , though . " " I don 't want to run up a huge phone bill for your grandparents . This call is already been too long . But I wish we could talk much longer . " " I 'll try . Now , you 've got to get off the phone . Write me a nice long letter . Okay ? I want to know everything . Okay ? " I hated to hang up . I wanted to see him . He had to come for the weekend . Didn 't he ? Yeah , he had to . I was looking forward to it . I went upstairs and watched my very own television in my very own room from my very own bed . A real bed . With soft , warm , clean blankets . And I did homework from books that didn 't have stupid drawings of dicks and balls or hairy pussies on almost every page . In fact , the books were nearly new . And some paragraphs or lines were underlined or highlighted , which turned out to be quite a help . And I had a notebook for each class . And highlighters , blue and black pens , and plenty of pencils . And a ruler , a compass , an angle square , a calculator , and everything I needed . And I didn 't have to worry about them coming up missing from my room or being taken or broken at school . Or being chased home . I was barely through my math work , and looking forward to Howard 's help tomorrow , when Gramps knocked on my door . I hadn 't closed it . I 'd thought about it , but I was just doing homework , even if the television was on . " So , you ready to fall on your ass a few times , bucko ? " I knew he hadn 't forgot . I knew he would do what he said he would . I nodded and smiled and hopped off the bed and put on my old tennis shoes . First , he held the seat as I sat on it , and let me try to balance it without using a foot on the ground to keep from falling over . It was impossible ! " How can you keep it from falling over ? " I asked . " You can 't when it 's not moving . We 're just trying to get you used to the idea of balancing it first . It 's easier when you 're moving . " He told me to turn the wheel the way I was falling , and I kept doing that until it became almost automatic . " Never let yourself turn away from the fall . You 'll just end up goin ' over even faster , " he said , again letting go and waiting as I turned and leaned and tried not to have to put my foot down . But I did . Again and again . " Okay . Now . I 'm gonna walk alongside of ya , holdin ' on , and you pedal and steer . I 'll keep ya from fallin ' over all the way , so don 't put your foot down unless ya really need to . Okay ? " I nodded . He pushed , I pedaled . I was moving ! I jerked the handlebars side to side , and wobbled like my mom 's drunk boyfriends . But I was rolling along ! Slow and wobbly , but moving . We went around in a small circle , then went around in the other direction a while . Then in a straight line from the house to the barn and back . " Doin ' fine , Aiden . Small changes in the steering , like the tractor . No big changes . Small and gentle . Keep it straight . That 's it . " It was getting easier . It wasn 't so hard . It was a lot like walking or running . You just had to keep your balance and keep moving , and turn the handlebars the right way and not jerk them or turn them too far . I was near the front porch . I turned to the left and realized that he wasn 't beside me . I snapped my head up to see him way back at the barn . I brushed the dirt off my hands and knees , got the seat back under my seat , put one foot on the pedal , and kicked off like before , when he had helped . I was more wobbly than ever ! But I was so wobbly on my own ! I picked up speed and steadied out . Small changes to the handlebars . Lean this way , that way , try to stay in the middle . Faster . Smoother . Steadier . It felt like flying ! " Turn around me and head back to the porch , bucko ! " I did ! I made a long , wide , slow , wiggly turn around him , and then went toward the porch , faster , smoother , steadier . Another turn , then back toward him . " Knew it ! Nothin ' to it for a son a my son ! " I dared to wave as I got close to the porch . I nearly lost it ! But I grabbed the handlebar and managed to wobble my way back to a steady turn . I pushed for speed . I was almost whipping around Gramps as I turned . My legs pumped and my arms worked , and I rode . I learned that you need a lot more room to turn when you 're going faster . I didn 't have that room when I turned around at the front porch . I saw that I was going to ride smack into the stairs ! I jerked the handlebars too hard and almost went over them . I ended up tangled with the bike and the little , wire fencing Gran had around her flower beds next to the steps . I rode until I was exhausted and the sun had set . My legs felt like rubber and my ass was so sore I wondered if it was possible to sit at my desk tomorrow without hurting . And my arms were still feeling the bumpy ground even when I was walking into the house and admiring the bike from the porch . I felt the sore muscles in my arms as I opened the screen door and the tired muscles of my legs as I walked up the stairs . He patted my stomach . " Knew you 'd catch on . Now , the rules . No ridin ' at night . Unless its inside the yard . Cars comin ' down a road at night won 't see you until they 've done run you over . Understand ? " " No ridin ' off anywhere unless we know where you 're goin ' . Even if you 're just off for a ride and you don 't know where to , you let us know what direction you 're headin ' . Got me ? " " Fine . And one last one . No doin ' no Evel Knievel shit on that bike . Now , I know you 're gonna , but I 've told you not to . So , when you do , and you break a leg or an arm or get a concussion , I told ya so . " " You take Sommerset to the hill , then go down to the left and stay on that road until you see the school . Don 't be goin ' no other way . That 's about the only safe way , except across the fields , and that 's gonna be a bitch . " " Be better if you take the bus , anyway . Safer . Quicker , too . You wont ' have to leave so early . If you ride , you 'll have to leave about half an hour earlier . Understand ? " I needed to try to study a bit more , but I was so sweaty and dusty and dirty . I 'd taken another couple of falls after that first one , and my hands and the knees of my jeans were pretty grody . I opened a pack of those big boxer shorts , got some clean underwear and one of the big t - shirts , and headed downstairs and took a nice , long , hot shower . No worries about being interrupted . I even felt covered enough in those boxers and the long shirt , that I stopped to say goodnight to Grandma in the front room in them . The shirt was just long enough to cover anything even if I wasn 't wearing any shorts , but having it and the big boxers on over my real underwear was as good as being in street clothes . " Proud of you tonight , Aiden . " " Thanks . " It was so weird to say that ! And even weirder to feel it ! But so good , too ! Back in my room , I did homework until I got tired . I turned off the television , the lights , and got into my warm , soft , comfortable bed and closed my eyes . No worries about being bothered , no worries about hearing them fight , or have sex , or other people coming over and having a party and keeping me awake . No fear of being woken up and screamed at . Just the quiet sounds of the night insects , the soft breezes , an occasional night bird or owl , sometimes a cow or sheep mewling , or the chickens . The air smelled mostly of grass and flowers , but the smells from the animals were blown this way a few times . It wasn 't that bad . I thought about him .
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It was the best I could do . I was lying on my front with my face in the pillow . " Come on . Up and at ' em ! Big day today ! Your grandfather is taking you to the school to register . I doubt you 'll attend today , but I have no idea . So come on . Up and get dressed , and come down for breakfast . It 'll be ready in a few minutes . " I hated waking up . Always did . It was the worst part of the day . I hadn 't been woken up by someone for a while . Mom had stopped doing that last year sometime , and I 'd been late to school a lot until I started using an alarm clock . I opened an eye and turned my head . There was seven minutes until the new alarm clock was going to go off . She sounded way too cheerful . But at least she didn 't sound like she was going to come pull me out of the bed and across the floor and push me into the tub and turn on the cold water from the shower head . After that morning , I always set the alarm and got up on my own . I 'd only had underwear on , and it was humiliating to be dragged down the hallway by my arm , my ass on the floor , trying to keep them from being pulled down over my legs with my only free hand in front of her laughing boyfriend . She smiled and said , " You 're no old man , but you 're no little kid anymore , either . But please , don 't keep sleeping in your clothes . We can get you pajamas , or some big boxer shorts you can use . " " Get a shower if you want , then get dressed and come downstairs . Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes . Put on something nice . I want you looking decent in case you go to classes today . And in front of the school people anyway . And your grandfather says he 's taking you to get a few more things today as well . " " Okay , " I said , then swung my feet off the bed and wiped my eyes . She was gone when I opened them again . I looked around me . I was in my own room , with a big , soft bed , and a dresser , and tons of clothes . The bag of school supplies was on the table , and a tee - vee that I had wired up to the antenna on the roof myself sat next to them . And there were a few books I didn 't have to worry would come up missing . The sun shined in through the windows and birds sang outside , their music carried in with the warm breeze that smelled like flowers and fresh - cut grass . Grass that I had cut yesterday on an actual farm tractor . It was so quiet and peaceful and comfortable . And clean . And it was safe . And I felt loved . I smiled and cried . How can we do that at the same time ? Fucking weird things , we humans . " Cryin 's for kids , " I told myself , wiping my eyes and heading to the dresser for clean clothes . I took a nice , long , hot shower . No fears that he would come barging in and make jokes about my body or my parts . I got dressed . I looked pretty normal in the long mirror on the back of the door . Just like any other boy my age . Maybe even a little better looking than some . The clothes looked new , but they were , so there was no way to hide that . That made me feel conspicuous . One of the words I wasn 't supposed to know . But it had been in some books , so I 'd figured out what it meant and knew how to use it . And I sure felt it in those new clothes . I brushed my hair and looked at my face . I wasn 't so dorky . Not really . I always thought of myself as one . No friends , reads books , gets good grades - dork . But I didn 't look like one . Blond hair , blue eyes , round face , nice nose that wasn 't big , lips that weren 't crooked or fat or skinny , and a chin that looked like it could take a hit or two . I kind of looked like Steven Bradley back in Chicago . He was popular with the girls . I wondered why . I thought of how he laughed and smiled and talked to them . And how he just acted like he was cool . It seemed to come naturally to him . I wondered how . I wondered if he ever worried about being pushed around , or ignored , or picked on . I wondered if it was an act . I wondered if I could put on that act . I thought I could try . I stood up straighter . I squared my shoulders . I put on a smile . It looked stupid . I changed it . I changed it again . Better . I tried an angry face , as if someone said something mean . I tried another . Better . I tried a friendly , " Hi . " I tried it more like Steven . It looked better . I memorized them . I flipped from one to another , over and over , until I knew them pat . I hoped they worked . I went downstairs for breakfast . It was awesome ! Gran knew how to cook ! Bacon done the way I said I liked it when she asked , eggs scrambled the way I said I liked them when she asked , oatmeal that tasted like food and not cardboard , with honey on it , toast with butter and jelly , and orange juice and milk . I was going to get so fat ! I knew he was teasing . I wasn 't used to that . Being made fun of , sure , but not just having fun . It made me feel warm and good . " Oh , yes , and he needs something to sleep in . He did in his clothes last night , " Grandma said , grinning at me in a way that instantly reminded me of earlier and had me blushing . I slammed my face into my palm and groaned . " I suggested he get some oversized boxer shorts to use . He can wear his usual undies under ' em . " I could hear them grinning . It was so embarrassing . I knew they were having fun , that 's all . And it wasn 't really all that bad , not really , but , oh , geeze . " Your father knew he was a stunner at your age . He was chasin ' the girls by your age , and had already got his first kiss . We didn 't have time to tease him . So maybe that 's why we 're takin ' it out on you , makin ' up for what we didn 't get to do so much with . . . your father . " I moved my hand so that I could see her . Her voice sounded more and more . . . something , as she went on . Now she looked close to crying . I realized in a flash that me being there was making them think of my dad when he was a kid my age . I hadn 't even thought of such a thing until that second . Now I knew they were having sort of flashbacks and thoughts about him and that it was making them sad . Grandpa reached out and held her hand on top of the table . She wiped her eyes and smiled at him , then at me . I felt like an asshole for making them think about my dad again . " Don 't be sorry , Aiden , honey . We couldn 't be gladder you 're here . Honest . Just . . . sometimes we 're gonna remember , that 's all . We did before you came . It 's just the way things work . So don 't you be feelin ' like you 're any trouble or it 's your fault or something stupid like that . We love you , Aiden , and we loved your dad . And it 's just so . . . wonderful to have you here . Sometimes we 're gonna think of the old times with your dad is all . Not your fault , honey , okay ? " She smiled at me and pushed my hair around a little while she talked . I knew to put on a good smile and nod . I understood about remembering old times and things like that . Some books I read aren 't just flimsy science - fiction or sword - and - sorcery fantasy stuff . Some were books that would have gotten me called a fag or a sissy for reading . They were good , too . After I did , we helped clean the table , then I went upstairs and got my school supplies together in my new pack . My stomach was turning over , and not from the big breakfast that I wasn 't used to having . I didn 't know if I would be going to classes or not , but I felt as if I were . I didn 't know what to expect . I 'd never been good at making friends . I knew I would be the new kid , too . I 'd seen what happens to the new kid more than once . But I knew I had to go . And I sort of liked school . I wanted to go . I just didn 't want to go through all the bull shit that came along with going to school . I looked around my room . My room . A bed . A dresser . Some rugs . Clothes . Books . Television . Windows . Light . Clean . Tidy . Comfortable . Home . The school was small compared to my old one . It was barely big enough to call a school . One story . Geeze . But it had room for a track and football field next to it , and a baseball diamond behind it next to a soccer field and two tennis courts with basketball goals at each end . Inside , it was so clean ! It looked so new , but it was obviously old . The lockers were all painted blue , with no tags or scrawls . No papers all over the floors . No broken windows in the doors . All the lights were on and working . And it smelled like cleaning stuff . The offices were bright and cheerful . We went to the counter and Grandpa said he wanted to register a new student . He handed her some papers the lawyer had given him yesterday . " Oh , yes . Young Aiden . We were told to expect him today . Here are the forms you need to fill out . You can have a seat over there and I 'll get started with these . " She smiled at me and nodded . " Welcome to Lincoln Elementary , Aiden . " " You 'll be in Missus Clark 's class . That 's room 144 . You turn left when you leave the office , and go around to the right along the hall , and it 's near the end on your left . All the sixth - grade classes are up there . The gymnasium is just down the hall at the end . And the lunch room is the big one at that corner you 'll turn at the end of this hall . You can 't miss it . Here 's a map for you . " The school was L shaped , with the lunchroom in the crook of the L , and the gym at the far end of it . The offices were at the top of the L . It was so simple . Nothing like the maze my old school was . " Have a seat with your Grandpa and help him fill out these papers , then you can go to your class . Okay ? " Looked like I was going to classes today after all . I was happy and nervous and worried . We sat down , and Grandpa filled out the papers , asking me questions like what my old school was , its address , my student identification number , all kinds of things . Except what classes I 'd had . When we were done , we went back to the counter . " Looks good . It 'll take a few days to get his records , I 'm sure . " She handed me a piece of yellow paper titled ' New Student Pass ' with my name written on it . " Do you have any questions ? " " What classes will I have ? When do I find out ? Do I just go to this one room and stay for whatever class is going on right now ? " " We don 't do that here . Not until junior high , next year . This year , you 'll stay in room 144 all day , with Missus Clark . She 'll teach you all your subjects . No going from room to room or changing teachers . " I smiled and nodded . At least I wouldn 't have my grandpa walking me to my class on my first day . He nodded toward the door . I nodded at him and started walking to my classroom . The school was just so amazingly clean . And the room numbers were all in place , too . The cafeteria was small compared to my old school , but it was so amazingly bright and clean . The tables were shiny and neatly ordered . The floor looked clean and shiny enough to eat off of . Around the corner , I found room 144 easily . Just four more rooms to the gym doors . I stood in front of it , looking at the numbers , feeling like I was about to jump off a cliff . My heart was hammering . My guts were turning over . My breathing was fast and shaky . I worked on those faces I had done in the mirror that morning . I adjusted my pack on my shoulder . I checked my shirt and pants . I squared my shoulders . I stood up straight . I put on that mild smile . I swallowed a couple times , then reached out and turned the door knob . The room was bright and clean . Kids sat in neat rows of desks , and turned their heads toward me all at the same time , like a flock of birds . I pretended that calm , cool , easy manner of Steve 's . I nodded toward them like I knew them . I walked right up to the teacher . She was probably the same age as my mom , but she looked like she had taken care of herself instead of using every drug she could get her hands on for years . She smiled and took the paper from my hand when I held it out to her . " Hi , Aiden , " most of them said in unison . Some smiled at me , some looked blank or bored , some sort of frowned at me . Most of the girls were smiling . I did my best Steven Bradley wave , smile , and , " Hi . " " You can choose any open desk . I suggest the one next to Howard Pace , near the window , " she said , pointing it out . " He 'll be good to get to know and help you catch up with our lessons . " It was as good a choice as any other as far as I was concerned . Howard looked like the class dork , though . Black - framed glasses , nerdy stripped shirt , and short jeans that showed off his white socks . And black dress shoes . What a dork . But the girl in front of the empty desk was cute . And she was grinning at me . And on the other side of the empty chair was another cute girl who was smiling at me . At least I could claim they were the reason I took the seat . So I did . I shook it . It was cold and clammy and almost sweaty . Up close , he was a total dweeb . Black eyes , black hair , thin lips , those ugly black glasses , and clothes that screamed country bumpkin . " I 'm Katy Haskins , " the girl in front of me said , smiling at me . Bright gray eyes , hair like honey , and lips so red she had to be wearing lipstick . Maybe a big girl , but not by much . And she had breasts ! Not big ones , but obvious ones in that blue top . Curly , long , blond hair and brown eyes . Narrow everything ; face , nose , chin , build , everything . White shirt with frills and red skirt that stopped at her thighs . The teacher started talking about history . It wasn 't familiar at all . It was about France and its revolution . I 'd read a couple of books that took place around that time , so I knew about it , but I 'd never studied it at all . I wondered if the school was backward or ahead . It looked like I was going to need Howard 's help . By the time lunch came up , I was worried . History had been bad enough , but the lessons on punctuation were way out of my experience . Semi - colons were strange and odd , and what experience I had with them were confusing passages in thick , heavy , dense books . Then math . Converting fractions to decimals ? Why would we need to ever do that anyway ? I was fucked . I actually walked out of the class with a girl on both sides of me . I knew what Steve must have always felt like . It was awesome ! We went through the lunch line . The food smelled and looked pretty good . Way better than my old school . We sat down with a bunch of others , boys and girls . Nothing like my old school . Back there , boys sat with boys , girls with girls . I looked around and saw tons of tables where only boys or girls sat , but only a couple of tables had this mix . I wondered what that was all about . They all seemed so friendly . Carol introduced me to everyone . They were all nice and said , " Hi , " or , " Hey . " The name smacked me in the face . The lady at the store had said he was her son . He smiled and nodded at me . He had her eyes ; brown , dark and deep , almost black . And her round , soft features . But that had to be his dad 's strong chin . " Hi , Aiden . Heard you 'd be in my class . " " Really ? " some of the girls asked . I was quizzed what it was like to live in the city , what the school had been like , and a lot of such things . I tried to be honest , but I had to seem mysterious and brave , right ? So what if I told them how the gangs were so rough , that you had to fight to stay out of them . Or how the black gangs fought with the latino gangs and the white gangs , and how the white gangs tried to make me join them , but I was too independent to want to be part of that crap . Well , I said , " that fucking shit , " but , you know . By the time lunch was over , I had told them how I had come to the country to get away from the death threats from the gangs who wanted me to join , or else . And how if I hadn 't left , I 'd be in the hospital or dead . They knew my dad had been shot to death by a gang member . At least that was true . And that my mom was in trouble and had to get me away from that , too . And I was invited to Christen Sawyer 's thirteenth birthday party next month . He was the tallest and oldest at the table . And probably the class hotshot . Or one of them . His dad was the town mayor . And everyone was sure his party was going to be epic . Back in class , I found that I was behind in Social Studies as well . And in Foreign Studies . I 'd never heard of that before . They were looking at India . It was a lot like World Experience class . When three o ' clock came , and the bell , Carol and Katy walked with me to show me where my locker was . I had an arm full of books to put in it . I spun the combination as they talked about the upcoming party and how I would love their other friends , and how I was going to have such a good time . " Good thing it 's not a date party . We 'd have to fight to see who goes with you , " Katy said , giggling . " Yeah . Screw class . Oh ! You going to be on any teams next year ? We got a great baseball team here . The best in the conference . " I had my books in my pack now , and the other things in my locker , so I shut it and locked it , and walked with the two of them toward the front of the school . They talked about the party and who was going to be there , and how great it was going to be , and such things . When I saw Howard sitting in front of his locker , I stopped to talk to him . I needed his help . " Sure . You sit next to me in class . And Missus Clark said you 'd be the one to get help from . So , will ya ? " That late ? Why ? I almost asked , but it seemed . . . just seemed like I shouldn 't make a deal out of it . " So , maybe we can study in the library or something ? " He sure seemed suspicious of me . I didn 't like that . I was used to being suspicious of others , and I didn 't like that I was making someone else feel that way . I waved and turned to walk the way we had been before I stopped to talk to him . He didn 't wave back , or smile , just sort of looked at me like he was expecting me to throw something at him , like an insult or a kick . I really didn 't like that at all . We walked out the front doors and to a line of waiting busses . " Route seven is ours , " Carol said , pointing at one of the busses that had a big seven on a white paper in the window by the doors . " Nine is mine , " Katy said , pointing at another . We ended up talking about the party next month , and the one last month for Heather Farthing 's thirteenth . Well , they did . I mostly listened and nodded , and smiled Steven 's smile . " Time to go , " Carol said when the busses honked , one after another . " See you tomorrow , tiger . " She smiled at me , and I was almost sure she was going to actually try to kiss me ! But then Katy leaned over and pecked me on the cheek really quick and said , " See you tomorrow , cutie . " I almost pissed down my leg ! " You 're such a whore ! " Carol laughed at her . I had time to recover before they paid me any attention . By the time they were done laughing and looked at me again , I had on Steve 's winning smile and had my shoulders back and my spine straight . " I 'll see you tomorrow , " I said as smoothly as Steve could , then waved and turned to walk back toward the doors and wait for my grandpa to show up . I 'd seen girls look at his butt when he walked away from them , so I made sure I sort of wiggled it back and forth like he did . I heard them giggle . When I sat down on the bench by the doors , they were both on the busses . I didn 't look for them in the windows . I did that Steven thing where he leans back on his hands with his ankles crossed and looks up at the sky and seems to be thinking deep , important , mysterious thoughts . I was thinking how great it was to be Steven Bradley . My first day , and I had two girls making moves on me , and one kissed my cheek . " Yeah . Girls back in Chicago are the same . Some . Some 'll jump ya first date and do whatever you want . But they 'll give ya the itch and scabs , too . " I wondered if he 'd really got head from Katy or if it was bull shit . I 'd gotten head , but from a guy . An older guy . And I suddenly thought about him and missed him . I had to shove those thoughts away really fast . " I know Katy does , though . Honest . She gave Mark Hawkins one . She even admitted it once , but it got around , and she 'd probably get pissed if you mention it . But you can ask around . It 's true . " I went back to gazing thoughtfully at the sky , like Steven . I was amazed that I was making friends with the cool kids . I was part of the cool crowd . Not only the cool crowd , but the oldest class in school , too . The sixth - grade cool crowd . The kings of the school . The store offered very little . Most were too small , just kids bikes . They had ten - speeds in my size , but they were dainty looking things with wheels and tires so narrow that I didn 't see how anyone could keep them from falling over onto their sides . I had to choose from a red one with knobby tires and no gears , or a white one with less knobby tires and five gears . The red one was cheaper , so I went with it . It was still a lot . Then the clothes section . He left me alone after some advice about size . I found ones that were large enough and weren 't in an old man style . I got two packs of three pairs . And some very large , long , white t - shirts , also as advised by Gramps . Then home . Home ! I changed and met him at the barn . Feeding the chickens and other animals , cleaning up after them , and then we fixed one of the barn doors that had a bad hinge . It was all dusty , dirty , sweaty work . I liked it . It was real work . Doing something that mattered . Taking care of the animals made sure we had food in future . Fixing the barn door made sure wild dogs and wolves and such didn 't get in to them . We were taking care of our own futures . We didn 't have to rely entirely on the stores . It was really a neat feeling . Maybe I was meant to be a farm boy ? Then a shower and into regular clothes . Not work clothes , not school clothes , not formal clothes . Regular clothes . I had clothes for more than just wearing all day to do everything in . Amazing . Dinner was great . More real food that wasn 't microwaved shit in a box . Hot , fresh , real food . I had no idea what I had been missing all those years . Eggs from the barn , ham from the pen , corn from the fields , biscuits made from wheat from the fields and milk from the cows in the barn , milk that I also drank from an actual glass glass . All the porcelain plates set on a red and white checkered table cloth . I wondered if it would all ever seem real or not . Then , after clearing the table , and helping Grandma put them away after she washed the dishes , Gramps sat down with his bible and a cigarette , Grandma got to work on her crochet . " The lawyer said I was probably going to stay here . And I went to school today . And they got me tons of clothes yesterday . Good ones . And a bike . I got to learn to ride it yet . And I have to stay in the same class all day ! Is that weird or what ? Oh , and I think I made friends already . There 's these two girls in my class , and they were really nice . And this guy , Kevin , he was so cool . They 're like the coolest kids in class , and they 're nice ! They asked me to have lunch with them ! And tomorrow . And one , Katy , is on my bus . And Kevin seems really cool . We were talking after school . And I got invited to this party next month . I forgot to ask Grandma and Grandpa if I could go yet ! I bet they 'll let me . " For a moment , I almost told him that would never work , that I was being Steven Bradley , and that was working . But I didn 't know if I should . I sure didn 't want to argue with him about it , or anything . And what we did . Am I gay ? What if I am ? Is he ? Has to be . Is he one of those weird pedos ? Has to be . Will I be ? Did he turn me into one ? What if I become one ? " Me too , Aiden . I . . . " He sighed and sounded weird . " I don 't think I 'll be . . . well . . . picking up anyone . " " Never mind . Not worth wasting the time on it . So , tell me about this Katy and Carol . Which one you want to go to this party with ? " " It 's not that kind of party ! Geeze ! I 'm not going with either one . They 're both going to be there , though . " " I don 't want to run up a huge phone bill for your grandparents . This call is already been too long . But I wish we could talk much longer . " " I 'll try . Now , you 've got to get off the phone . Write me a nice long letter . Okay ? I want to know everything . Okay ? " I hated to hang up . I wanted to see him . He had to come for the weekend . Didn 't he ? Yeah , he had to . I was looking forward to it . I went upstairs and watched my very own television in my very own room from my very own bed . A real bed . With soft , warm , clean blankets . And I did homework from books that didn 't have stupid drawings of dicks and balls or hairy pussies on almost every page . In fact , the books were nearly new . And some paragraphs or lines were underlined or highlighted , which turned out to be quite a help . And I had a notebook for each class . And highlighters , blue and black pens , and plenty of pencils . And a ruler , a compass , an angle square , a calculator , and everything I needed . And I didn 't have to worry about them coming up missing from my room or being taken or broken at school . Or being chased home . I was barely through my math work , and looking forward to Howard 's help tomorrow , when Gramps knocked on my door . I hadn 't closed it . I 'd thought about it , but I was just doing homework , even if the television was on . " So , you ready to fall on your ass a few times , bucko ? " I knew he hadn 't forgot . I knew he would do what he said he would . I nodded and smiled and hopped off the bed and put on my old tennis shoes . First , he held the seat as I sat on it , and let me try to balance it without using a foot on the ground to keep from falling over . It was impossible ! " How can you keep it from falling over ? " I asked . " You can 't when it 's not moving . We 're just trying to get you used to the idea of balancing it first . It 's easier when you 're moving . " He told me to turn the wheel the way I was falling , and I kept doing that until it became almost automatic . " Never let yourself turn away from the fall . You 'll just end up goin ' over even faster , " he said , again letting go and waiting as I turned and leaned and tried not to have to put my foot down . But I did . Again and again . " Okay . Now . I 'm gonna walk alongside of ya , holdin ' on , and you pedal and steer . I 'll keep ya from fallin ' over all the way , so don 't put your foot down unless ya really need to . Okay ? " I nodded . He pushed , I pedaled . I was moving ! I jerked the handlebars side to side , and wobbled like my mom 's drunk boyfriends . But I was rolling along ! Slow and wobbly , but moving . We went around in a small circle , then went around in the other direction a while . Then in a straight line from the house to the barn and back . " Doin ' fine , Aiden . Small changes in the steering , like the tractor . No big changes . Small and gentle . Keep it straight . That 's it . " It was getting easier . It wasn 't so hard . It was a lot like walking or running . You just had to keep your balance and keep moving , and turn the handlebars the right way and not jerk them or turn them too far . I was near the front porch . I turned to the left and realized that he wasn 't beside me . I snapped my head up to see him way back at the barn . I brushed the dirt off my hands and knees , got the seat back under my seat , put one foot on the pedal , and kicked off like before , when he had helped . I was more wobbly than ever ! But I was so wobbly on my own ! I picked up speed and steadied out . Small changes to the handlebars . Lean this way , that way , try to stay in the middle . Faster . Smoother . Steadier . It felt like flying ! " Turn around me and head back to the porch , bucko ! " I did ! I made a long , wide , slow , wiggly turn around him , and then went toward the porch , faster , smoother , steadier . Another turn , then back toward him . " Knew it ! Nothin ' to it for a son a my son ! " I dared to wave as I got close to the porch . I nearly lost it ! But I grabbed the handlebar and managed to wobble my way back to a steady turn . I pushed for speed . I was almost whipping around Gramps as I turned . My legs pumped and my arms worked , and I rode . I learned that you need a lot more room to turn when you 're going faster . I didn 't have that room when I turned around at the front porch . I saw that I was going to ride smack into the stairs ! I jerked the handlebars too hard and almost went over them . I ended up tangled with the bike and the little , wire fencing Gran had around her flower beds next to the steps . I rode until I was exhausted and the sun had set . My legs felt like rubber and my ass was so sore I wondered if it was possible to sit at my desk tomorrow without hurting . And my arms were still feeling the bumpy ground even when I was walking into the house and admiring the bike from the porch . I felt the sore muscles in my arms as I opened the screen door and the tired muscles of my legs as I walked up the stairs . He patted my stomach . " Knew you 'd catch on . Now , the rules . No ridin ' at night . Unless its inside the yard . Cars comin ' down a road at night won 't see you until they 've done run you over . Understand ? " " No ridin ' off anywhere unless we know where you 're goin ' . Even if you 're just off for a ride and you don 't know where to , you let us know what direction you 're headin ' . Got me ? " " Fine . And one last one . No doin ' no Evel Knievel shit on that bike . Now , I know you 're gonna , but I 've told you not to . So , when you do , and you break a leg or an arm or get a concussion , I told ya so . " " You take Sommerset to the hill , then go down to the left and stay on that road until you see the school . Don 't be goin ' no other way . That 's about the only safe way , except across the fields , and that 's gonna be a bitch . " " Be better if you take the bus , anyway . Safer . Quicker , too . You wont ' have to leave so early . If you ride , you 'll have to leave about half an hour earlier . Understand ? " I needed to try to study a bit more , but I was so sweaty and dusty and dirty . I 'd taken another couple of falls after that first one , and my hands and the knees of my jeans were pretty grody . I opened a pack of those big boxer shorts , got some clean underwear and one of the big t - shirts , and headed downstairs and took a nice , long , hot shower . No worries about being interrupted . I even felt covered enough in those boxers and the long shirt , that I stopped to say goodnight to Grandma in the front room in them . The shirt was just long enough to cover anything even if I wasn 't wearing any shorts , but having it and the big boxers on over my real underwear was as good as being in street clothes . " Proud of you tonight , Aiden . " " Thanks . " It was so weird to say that ! And even weirder to feel it ! But so good , too ! Back in my room , I did homework until I got tired . I turned off the television , the lights , and got into my warm , soft , comfortable bed and closed my eyes . No worries about being bothered , no worries about hearing them fight , or have sex , or other people coming over and having a party and keeping me awake . No fear of being woken up and screamed at . Just the quiet sounds of the night insects , the soft breezes , an occasional night bird or owl , sometimes a cow or sheep mewling , or the chickens . The air smelled mostly of grass and flowers , but the smells from the animals were blown this way a few times . It wasn 't that bad . I thought about him .
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September 27 , 2010 · 11 : 14 pm Zigging and zagging to find my way home I 'll continue with my hunt for the blues bar I found last year . At my flat , there is actually a phone book . Remember that old - fashioned thing we used to use before the Internet ? Well , I looked up blues and found the Blusbar ( pronounced " blues bar " ) right near me . Again , I was pleased that my neighborhood was so rich . Here is a picture . I decided to hunt down the blues bar I found in Campo San Stin last year . It was fun to recognize places I saw last year . In fact , here is a picture of a place where I sat down and painted the scene last year . And as I was finishing the painting , an older couple came by and had a picnic on the steps . He was taking a picture of her , so I offered to take a picture of them both . They said they had just gotten married . I found the campo ( square ) , saw the same scene of parents picking up their children after school having snacks at the bar , and the campo filled with children running around , yelling . But instead of my beloved blues bar , it now has another name and they play lots of music , just not the blues . Here is a picture of the new awning . The man in the picture is having an afternoon " spritz . " People have them to stimulate their appetites . I think I mentioned this when I went out for dinner with Rachel in Bologna . I have tried many different kinds and my favorite is with Aperol . I 'm hoping this is available in California . Back to the blues quest . I have to give it up in Venice , but I know that there is a blues jam every Tuesday night right around the corner from the place I stayed in Florence last year and I have already arranged with my friend , Winsi , from last year to go on the Tuesday night I will be there . He called last week and said he joined the jam last week and played and sang reggae music . He promised he would sing and play the night we go . I left the old blues bar and continued walking around the San Polo district . It 's funny how generally similar , but specifically different each district and each campo , or square are . Because my neighborhood has a fairly wide main street with lots of stores , there is a constant parade of people on it , day or night . The area of the San Polo district that I went on was much different . There were lots of people , but not in a " parade . " Here is a scene that gave me such a pleasant and relaxing feeling . I decided to try to walk all along the edge of the canal to my stop . I was across from the Ferrovia ( railway ) stop and I wanted to get to Ca D ' Oro . My plan was to get to the place across from Ca D ' Oro where I could take a traghetto across . This is a gondola used to carry 14 people across the Grand Canal . It only costs half a euro . I would walk for a bit , then come to a dead end . I took the advice given to me last year by a young woman who was working as an intern at the Peggy Guggenheim Museum . Besides turning me on to Grom , my favorite gelato place , she said to zig and zag where you have to , but to always keep the general direction you want in mind . So what follows are some things I saw along the way . During the course of this afternoon 's walk , I found two things I had been wanting / needing , but not actually searching for . I think if I had purposefully set out to find them , I woud not have been so successful . A life lesson ? Perhaps . The first was a copper colored ring . Before I left , I actually looked in Macy 's . What was I thinking ? My best rings come from craft fairs and interesting shops . My watch , earrings , and shoes all have copper highlights . I found a ring made of Murano glass in the shape of an oval mountain , with a spiral of various shades of copper and brown . I was dubious about the authenticity of the Murano glass , but Rachel verified it for me when she came this past weekend . And the second thing was a teflon spatula for my morning fried eggs . My kitchen has most things I need , but not a spatula . Wooden spoons just don 't do the trick . On this strange , kind of dark and winding street , I came upon a kitchen utensil store . Way out of the way , but I found it . September 23 , 2010 · 3 : 47 pm Finding like - minded people I thought I was pretty smart yesterday . I saw that a certain self - serve restaurant was filled with workmen eating , so I thought I had found a treasure ! I ate there and the food was good , especially the lasagne , but today I found out the truth . I was trying to tell my friend Anna , in Italian , about my find . We passed it on the way to visit her sister in a central government office . She laughed and said that workers and anyone who works over 7 hours a day , even 15 minutes , gets meal tickets that can be used at restaurants or stores to buy food . So then I said that it STILL must be good , for all of them to eat there . She said yes , it might be , but there is a question of which restaurants accept the tickets and where these guys work . I 'll still go back because I liked having a choice . Here is what I had : It hit me yesterday how often you see people stopped , consulting their maps . Literally every few steps . I am reminded of being in Greece , squinting at the street signs in Greek , trying to match that up with maps with English characters , with Greeks passing by hollering out the names of the street , so we 'd have a fighting chance of locating ourselves . Often when I am just walking , people ask me for help . And it 's always nice when I can actually do that . But mostly they don 't see that a few steps later , I pull my map out and am doing the same thing ! A few days ago I stopped along a canal to eat lunch , and was engaged in conversation with first the table to the left and later the table to the right . The first was a young couple from France . He was a cook , so he was more difficult to please as far as food . We communicated in a mixture of French , Spanish , Italian , and English . They were so sweet . They seemed to enjoy their meal . I did . When they left , the person at the table to my right started talking with the waiter . I had never heard the language they were speaking and I looked at them with a question on my face . They said they were speaking Albanian . The guy at the table said they met at an Albanian group in Venice . He has various businesses selling Murano glass . He learns languages easily and told me that if you want to learn a language , you can . Period . He told me about a neighbor of his who is an American artist here who has learned quickly to speak and he told me where to find his studio . He said he likes to talk to him because it is interesting to hear his American accent . Later that afternoon I was sitting near the Rialto Bridge along some steps taking the video some of you have seen on Facebook . A woman asked if I had GPS on my iPhone . She said she had met some people who bought an Italian SIM card for their iPhone and then always had Internet with them . I have tried in vain to find out about this . We found so many things in common as we talked . She is from New Zealand and is on a 5 month trip . Her daughter is in London , so she uses that as her base . She is an artist . She has taken the Buddhist religion and told me about three important Buddhist words : Buddha , Dharma , and Sangha , which means like - minded people . I like that term and I think that this trip is bringing me many of those . We decided to have a picnic dinner together at my flat . She had bought bread , olives , and cheese . I had the same , plus a few more goodies . Here is a picture of her . Her name is Stefani , but she is calling herself " Stefania " while she is here . The day I arrived in Bologna , I saw the way they announce births there . I haven 't seen it in any other city . Perhaps there is a section in the newspaper too . I didn 't check , but I liked it . My friend , Rachel , said the apartment across from her has had their ribbon up now for quite some time . Walking around Venice , I have seen some notices posted announcing deaths . Again , perhaps there is an obituary section in the newspaper , but this is a way of announcing in the neighborhood . I saw an office and a word that looked something like " funeral " and I went closer . This is what it was : The questions that entered my mind were 1 ) When did they take those pictures ? 2 ) Is there a cross on each notice ? 3 ) What about Jews and Muslims who die here , what do they have on their notices ? This next thing I have seen in each of the three places I 've stayed so far . The dish drying rack is above the sink . Sometimes inside a cupboard , and sometimes not . In Bologna , it was where dishes were stored . It 's not a pop - up toaster . You lift out the two bread - holders , squeeze them open , insert the bread , put them in the toaster , and set the timer to the amount of time you want . When the buzzer sounds , you lift the holders , squeeze , and the toast falls out . I couldn 't find the outlet so I asked Elisa who said it was to the right side of the stove . I looked in vain on the right side of the burners and oven . Several days later I realized she meant the stove that creates hot water . It is the only outlet in the kitchen . Here is a picture : I asked Elisa the first day about garbage collection . I had to get out my pad of paper to take notes . Garbage is picked up in plastic bags , but not special garbage bags , every day except Sunday . You must put the bags outside the front door between 7 and 8 am . You can 't leave them there overnight because of rats . Paper is left outside in bags on Tuesdays and Fridays and glass and plastic bottles on Wednesday and Saturday . Yesterday I was on the terrace and I heard an unfamiliar noise . I looked down and saw the paper collection taking place : Lots of muscular men , young and old , working like this on the streets and in boats . There is a construction site near my flat that I can see from the terrace . The staging area seems to be a traveling boat . Also , you can see in the picture that the construction site is covered in a white plastic kind of material . This is my friend Dave 's favorite material to use at Burning Man to keep the sun off his RV and to give shade . So the plastic here performs the function of hiding the " unsightly " mess of building and to protect the workers from sun . In this picture , the building is not so high . In Piazza San Marco , the same material is hung on one of the huge buildings . Speaking of muscular men , young and old , I see gondoliers every day in " my " canal . I kept hearing a certain shouting sound the first week and vaguely wondered what it was . Then I read somewhere that when they come to a blind turn they shout something that sounds like " oy - eeee , " to warn boats that might be coming . Now I use that sound to trigger me to jump up from the terrace to have a look . People often look up and wave . They are so pleased to be IN the gondola and I am so pleased to be SEEING the gondola from my terrace . One thing I never wondered about until I came face to face with it was how and where all the boats get fuel . NOT the gondolas . That 's obvious ! Here is what I found right near my flat . It seems that there is a problem with people eating in places where they are not wanted . I think the problem is that there are not enough chairs or places where people can sit who are not eating in restaurants . Whenever you see a chair and approach it , you see that it is connected to a nearby restaurant . Here is one of my favorite signs : When I used to sell my bustiers at crafts fairs ( http : / / www . sparkleplentycreations . com ) , it was always a problem if the sale lasted more than one day . We spent a lot of time trying to close up the tent . Here is a quick and dirty solution that seems to work at an antique fair I saw at closing time : I was having lunch one day last week next to a canal ( it seems to be my favorite place to eat ) when I heard a loud thump . I looked over and saw a woman who had landed on the pavement from a motor boat . She was later joined by a guy . They parked the boat pretty far away from the pavement . I waited to see how they would get back on the boat , but was in conversation and missed it ! I only knew they were leaving by the thump . Here they are making their getaway . I was at the Zattere late one afternoon having a gelato when I saw a hulking huge cruise ship slowly making its way along the water . I was invited to sit down at a table with two American women who were also entranced with the scene . People on the shore were waving to them , but they were quite still . Thousands of them . Watching us like we were in a zoo . It was quite chilling . September 20 , 2010 · 3 : 50 pm The island of Burano It was a bright and sunny day the next day , so I didn 't hang around to have lunch at Luigi 's bar . Instead , I took the vaporetto to the island of Burano , which is famous for the brightly colored houses and for lace - making . ( All the guides say to be careful to buy the real thing , not cheap copies made elsewhere . ) And there was going to be the last regatta of the season , so I knew there would be good food at big tables offered by local people . I was right . The boat only leaves Venice once an hour and I was lucky to only have to wait a few minutes . I do have a schedule , but it was not easy to figure out what time it would come to my particular stop . I even got a seat . Lots of people were making a day of it for lunch and the regatta . Not only visitors . It felt very festive . I arrived and walked around to get the feel of the island . All of us with cameras were stopped in our tracks at the houses . Here are some that caught my eye . The curtain over the door above is typical . Maybe it 's because there are so many visitors walking by their narrow streets and they want privacy . Maybe the curtains keep the flies out . They usually just added to the delightful colors . I noticed that people make use of all parts of their houses . Clothes are hung outside of windows . Some lucky people had courtyards where they could hang things like sheets . Garbage was hung in bags on windows in front . Here in Venice , garbage is left in bags in front of houses for early morning pickups ( between 7 and 8 ) . Needless to say , I put my garbage in the public bag on the bridge near me when I hit the street , which is later than 8 am . Here is what I was talking about when I described the probable lunch treats in store . There were two areas that I saw . The first one was sold out when I went , but here they are in the piazza in the last few minutes . I mentioned the brown sweater shrug I 'm making before . It requires a pin or something to close it , so I 've been on an informal quest to find something . I also wear a scarf almost every day that has the full color palate of the clothes I am wearing . As I was looking in the shops off the main track in Burano , I found an interesting one with felt beads and glass beads of different colors . Here is their website : http : / / allafieradellest . com / I found a pin that works perfectly for my scarf and also for the sweater . Here is the pin I bought . It 's hard to see , but the colors are copper , green , and sand . I had a nice conversation with the people who worked in the shop . The grandmother was sitting in the corner and really perked up when she saw the pin on the scarf . She said she thought it brought out the colors of the scarf and the pin . Her granddaughter helped me and said her daughter was asleep . Then she introduced me to her mother and father , who were also in the shop . I asked if she lived in Burano and she said yes . There are schools there at all levels , but she had to take the vaporetto to Venice to go the university . The ride is almost an hour . I guess I 'd rather ride a boat than sit in traffic . I asked about the colors of the houses and she said that they are to define the property boundaries . And she said the choice of color is personal . She could think of no other town in Italy that was like this . Other towns have colorful buildings , like Camogli , but they were all in similar tones of brown , burnt orange , yellow , etc . While watching the regatta I heard the couple near me speaking English . I asked if they understood how it worked , since I didn 't see anything that looked like a race at first , but they were giving out prizes . It was a couple from Australia named Ahmed and Maria . He was of Turkish descent . They had come from Australia and leased a brand new car to drive all over Europe . Their trip was for 90 days . They were going to Barcelona too , but we weren 't going to be there at the same time . They encouraged me to come to Australia . And here is a picture of the regatta that we were all waiting for . If you enlarge the picture , you can see the different colored boats with matching scarves on each of the two people . And a matching motorboat to help them . I saw pink , lavendar , red , blue , and orange . A colorful regatta for a colorful town . I was ready to leave before the regatta was over and the vaporetto couldn 't come to the stop because of all the boats . People who wanted to leave were told to walk to the nearby island ( there 's a bridge ) to catch a boat . Well , I was not the only one who wanted to leave . We waited outside the entry dock and slowly , very slowly , pushed our way in . Three boats went by and left us still standing there . The crowd kept growing . And pushing . We finally understood that they had to go beyond us and turn around to head back . When one finally stopped , even though there was another one following , everyone crowded into the boat like one large many - legged creature . I was never moved along with so little effort . I actually got a seat . I felt grateful for a full day . September 18 , 2010 · 11 : 35 pm A social afternoon : concert and conversation It rained all day , but there was no acqua alta . I studied Italian and straightened the flat and Anna came over in the afternoon for our lesson exchange . It would be easier if I didn 't want to get to know her . I have questions and I don 't know how to ask them in Italian . But we are making progress AND getting to know each other . I 'm trying to decide if I should also take some classes . During this week we became Facebook friends . She wrote one night to say that she saw that her niece and I had a mutual friend ! I have a friend who is was a rabbi at the Jewish organization Hillel , at USC , where Gabriana went to school . I met him there , but he was also at the Jewish theme camp at Burning Man one year and we spent a very funny afternoon together at an event called " Jews wanderng the desert . " Her niece was a film student at USC , and because she is Jewish , met my friend at Hillel . She saw that my boots were sopping wet inside and that I was wearing other shoes that would not be good to wear in the rain . She had the solution . We put rolled up newspaper inside each boot to absorb the water . After an hour they were fine . Great advice from someone who knows wet shoes and rain ! Today I was finally able to wear my warm jacket and fleece hat . The non - Venetians were all wrapped up in warm jackets , while the people who live here just added umbrellas to their ordinary September clothes . Anna 's umbrella is a long one , but has a retractable plastic cover over it . It stays up at the top when the umbrella is open , but pulls down over the umbrella when it is closed . It holds all the water so it doesn 't get all over everything , and she can keep it with her instead of putting it in the lobby with all the other umbrellas . Very clever . Something funny happened when they were being introduced . The woman in charge started speaking ( in Italian ) and someone 's cell phone rang . Wherever I have been in the past , when this happens , either a joke is made or it is not mentioned . I didn 't understand everything , but I think the woman speaking said something about the cell phone . Then it rang again ! ! ! This time I did understand . Even in Italian . She raised her voice and scolded and said that when we entered the salon we should have turned off our cell phones and that it was disrespectful to her and to the musicians . It was a minor hisssy fit . I looked at Anna and she gave me a look like we were kids in class and had just gotten in trouble . I had to look away so I wouldn 't laugh . After the concert we went walking to a bar in our neighborhood and each ordered a spritz . They also served little olives and sandwiches and potato chips . I found out that Annalisa knew Elisa and Anna in school . I asked if she also knew Grazia , my hostess from Camogli . They knew each other , some of them , since age 11 . The conversation was interesting , sometimes in English , but mostly in Italian . Annalisa and Salvadore used to teach English . Strong opinions were shared about the music . I felt like I was watching a tennis match back and forth . I didn 't understand all the words , but I enjoyed the music of the language . I told them how my neighbors were really watching my house and that when Gabriana was there this week in a different car , she had all sorts of people coming by to see who she was . We talked about how nice this was to have neighbors who cared . Then Anna , who lives in an apartment building with many flats , said that all her neighbors know more about her than she does ! Salvadore talked about being from Sicily , and that now when he goes home , he feels like and is treated like a foreigner . He has been in Venice for a long time . We said goodbye to Annalisa and Salvadore and went to a local cinema to buy a yearly cinema club pass for 30 euro . Elisa is leaving on a trip tomorrow for Morocco and wanted me to be able to use the pass to see films for free while I am here . Various foreign films are shown each week . I was excited to see that in a few weeks there is going to be a tour of the places where Pane e Tulipan was filmed . This is one of the first films I saw about Venice . Then after the tour there are free showings of the film . It will be my third time to see it . I think it will be fun to see it here , in Venice , and fresh from visiting the film locations . Then on the way home , after I left everyone , I stopped at my neighborhood bar and saw Luigi , the guy who works there . I got a small fish snack . He looks just like a young John Travolta . I asked about a certain snack and he said they would have it for lunch tomorrow . " A domani ! " ( See you tomorrow ! ) I love how my life is just flowing with suggestions . September 17 , 2010 · 10 : 50 pm Kol Nidre service in Venice I just got home from Kol Nidre services at the Sephardic orthodox shul in Venice . It was raining on the way and raining on the way home and I got very wet , but almost the minute I got into the flat , it started really pouring . I 'm afraid we are going to have acqua alta tomorrow , when the canals flood and there is water on all the streets . There are some strange orange " boots " in the flat that look more like plastic bags with " feet . " I have heard that a siren goes off to warn of the acqua alta . I haven 't heard it yet . Some of the steps on the bridges I had to cross on the way home were flooded . My shoes and socks were soaked . When I went there on Monday to give them my documentation , I thought I understood that I couldn 't carry anything to the synagogue . So I carefully put everything into the pockets of my special REI traveller 's skirt . And of course , I didn 't carry an umbrella . When I got there , I was probably the only woman NOT carrying something . There were two lines waiting to get in when I arrived . I went to the one nearest me and asked why there were two lines . I was told that the other one was for foreigners . So I went over and immediately a friendly couple from Boston , Emmie and Moose ( Maurice ) shared their umbrella with me . They had literally just arrived in Venice and came right to the service . I was worried that they wouldn 't get in , but they did . They had even left their passports in their hotel . They also just wanted to hear the Kol Nidre prayer . But on our way in the officials told us that for security reasons we had to stay for the whole service , which they said was about 1 . 5 hours . The rabbi and the other men officiating the service were on a raised platform ( called the bimah ) , so we could see them while sitting down . But there was a cut - out wooden screen with designs so we couldn 't see across to the men . There were little holes in the design and every now and then you could see a bit of someone 's face on the other side . I did get to hear the Kol Nidre prayer , but the rabbi just sort of said it without the tune I am used to . Also , at one point they all walked across to the other side of the sanctuary and took out 7 Torahs and brought them back to the other side . I had never seen so many at one time and it was a bit noisy with all the jangling of the metal parts on the front of each Torah . I enjoyed the service , but not many prayers were recognizable to me and , in any case , the woman didn 't participate . A few rebel women did at first , but then seemed to stop . When I knew a prayer , I said it quietly to myself . At one point when we were quiet , we could hear the prayers from a neighboring , competing synagogue . It was weird having all the synagogues together like that . I just realized that I didn 't mention that all the synagogues are in the Jewish Ghetto part of Venice , in the sestiere , or district Cannaregio . I live in this neighborhood and the studio I visited earlier in the day is there too . I saw a bunch of little boys , who seemed to have the freedom to run around and get on the bimah . They even participated a bit in the service . I saw only one little girl at the services and she sat quietly with her mother . I sat with Emmy and I warned her when we went in to choose seats with no names on them . The names are on engraved plates , screwed down to the seat or little lecturn in front of each seat . We sat in the last row , which turned out to be a mistake . There was a constant parade of latecomers who had to kiss and greet each other on the way in . We were invisible . No one greeted us . At one point a very serious young woman came over to us and moved us into another row because she said there were too many people in the back row . No one else was moved . The service went on for longer than 1 . 5 hours and people started to leave . We did too after 2 hours . I walked with the couple from Boston under their umbrella with them until we had to go in different directions . Then I hurried home under my shawl . September 17 , 2010 · 3 : 20 pm A morning of nice coincidences and pleasant surprises This morning I went to see Elisa , the woman I met at the street project in Bologna last week , in Venice . On the way I saw a dog on a balcony I couldn 't resist . Something about the sturdy dog and study balcony and crisp plants . She was here working for an artist , Kishi Nelson Takahiro . It was nice to see her . She showed me the pictures she had taken of all of us at the street project last Friday night in Bologna . She 'll send them to me and I will add them to the blog . As soon as I saw Kishi 's work , I recognized it from my walk on Monday afternoon on my back way home from the synagogue when the stores were closed . I had intended to return for a closer look . So here I was getting my unexpected closer look . I bought the print I saw in the window and Kishi signed it again for me . I love his style of drawing . Here is a link to his website that he said will be developed more soon . http : / / www . codexvenezia . it / He has been in Italy for about 20 years . He asked me about my life . Elisa laughed and said " I was born … , " so I finished the sentence and said " in San Francisco on October 1 at 9 : 03 a . m . Then I said that every year after I wasn 't living at home anymore my mother would call me at that exact time to wish me a happy birthday and I said I did the same for my daughter . I said that the day of our children 's birth is just as important a day for us . That 's when he showed me a picture of his wife and 3 children . I asked him if men were allowed in the delivery room in Italy and he said yes and that he thought it was so important . He shared his feelings about those days . As we were talking I asked him about the system of addresses in Venice , a big mystery for me . Last night the email I got from Elisa said I should come and visit her at Cannagegio 3232A . I was baffled . How would I find that ? I also had seen the address of an artist who carves things like shoes and shirts out of wood and I got a similar address . At last I had someone who could explain it to me . He said that each district or sestiere in Venice has addresses that start with a certain number and continue until the end . The houses are numbered in order going up one side of the street and continuing on the other side . No number is repeated in a sestiere , but you will find the same number in another district . Street names seem to be irrelevant . I guess this makes things easier for the people who sort and deliver mail . Their path is set and they have a certain number of addresses to cover . That is why you don 't see odd numbers on one side of the street and even numbers on the other , and why the numbers on one side of the street may be completely different from the ones on the other side . When new places are added , they add an A , B , or C to the address and just add it in . Kishi said there are maps that show the numbering ranges in the districts so you don 't have to walk everywhere to find the address you want . It will show a certain part in a color wI found Elisa by putting the address in Google maps . Kishi pointed out that this isn 't always right . But it worked for me and now I have a little better sense and feeling about addresses . I left them to their collaboration on a new book he is working on and went to find a store I had read about that had good appetizers to serve to visitors . On Saturday before the concert , Anna and Elisa ( my landlady ) are coming over and I wanted to get ascolane ( a certain kind of olives ) and prosecco . It happened also to be in the area . I came upon a very lively street . I couldn 't find the certain store , but ended up wandering into another that I had read about . I bought all kinds of treats . I keep forgetting how hard it is to CARRY home groceries , especially if there are liquids involved . I wish I had my Bed , Bath Beyond cart here . Before I wandered into Rizzo in the San Leonardo market , I saw a stand that looked interesting . I wanted to try baccala ' so I went over for a look . They had fried fish snacks and I had been craving them these afternoons . I ordered one , which he had to cook and then I ordered one with cheese . After I finished the cheese one and was waiting for the fish , a man came up and ordered two drinks . The guy working there poured four and I wondered if I had heard incorrectly . He gave the two to the man and his friend , and then he handed one to a woman also waiting and then he handed one to me . He poured one for himself and we all toasted and stood there drinking something very refreshing . It was a kind of sparkling red wine that came from Trieste . Every now and then this guy would hold a megaphone up to his mouth and make announcements like the train to somewhere is leaving in the next few minutes . Here is a picture of the stand and the charming guy . His smile and mannerisms remind me of my great - nephew David . Don 't you agree , Alberta ? It 's a little hard to see in the picture , but I couldn 't stop thinking about David when I looked at him . Giuditta in Italia · Sharing the steps I 'm taking to move to Venice , and once I get there , what surprises and delights me ! Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . Giuditta in Italia Blog at WordPress . com . Post to
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The dawn spread itself over Nerima Ward around 5 : 47 AM . It was a Monday morning , about time for everyone to commute . And as usual , the train was filled to capacity . Amidst a flurry of activity , a single man could be made out in the puzzle of flesh . He stepped away from the boarding area , and squinted from exposure to the western sun . The man was easy to make out as a foreigner , but he also has an alien quality to him . Needless to say , no passenger would stand anywhere near him , if they had the choice . He looked around briefly , before choosing his direction , and then set off , not knowing exactly where his feet would take him . Perhaps he would find what he was looking for today . Perhaps tomorrow . All he knew was that what he was looking for was in Nerima , and that he had to find it . Then man left the train station , and began his quest down Kinoichi Street . The light shone in through the upstairs window , and blasted through Nabiki Tendo 's eyes . She squinted reflexably , and then slowly opened them . She sat up and pulled the blanket off of her . To her relief , she was in her own bed . Alive . She secretly thanked god and went down stairs into the restaurant . Opening the refridgerator in the back room , Nabiki pulled out some milk and a box of cereal from the cupboard . She was in a remarkably good mood , and didn 't want to jinx it by allowing herself a large meal . As she sat down to eat , she noticed the gash in the side of the table . The gash was nothing new . In fact , it had been there for close to five years . Nabiki knew she really should buy new furniture , but what for ? Expecially if this furniture had nothing else wrong with it . Nabiki let her mind drift as she ran her fingers around the edge of the gash . She knew how it had gotten there , she had been there when it happened . Ukyou had put it there , with her spatula . She also knew why it was put there . She had accompanied Ranma and Akane to Ucchan 's one day , to take care of the impending disaster that Ranma and Akane 's decision would cause . Of course , she had accepted a fee for her accompaniment . Nabiki had accompanied them to ensure Akane 's safety . It was well known that Ukyou was not a match for Ranma , but they had to ensure that Ranma wouldn 't have to be alert for every day of the rest of his life . Nabiki had dug up some dirt , and threatened to use it if push came to shove . It had worked , and since she couldn 't strike Akane , she had driven her spatula into the table and walked out . About a week later , Nabiki recieved a letter . There was no return address , though Nabiki , Akane and Ranma desperately sought her wherabouts . But what was more interesting was the contents of the letter . It was not adressed to Ranma , or even Akane . It was addressed to herself . Ukyou had left the deed to Ucchan 's to Nabiki , knowing full well that she was capable of taking care of the place , and even making it succeed . Which was exactly what it had done . Succeeded . Ranma died a few months later . A sad event , but Nabiki wasn 't about to let it ruin her life . Yes she cared deeply for Ranma , as a sister would a brother , but life goes on . She had to continue . She had made the Okonomiyaki restaurant into a nationwide hangout . There had even been a time when Jackie Chan himself had shown up and eaten at the restaurant during a business trip into the country . Of course , they added other things to the menu , even some western foods . However , the main source of revenue was the Okonomiyaki . Nabiki chuckled to herself . Ukyou was a great cook , even Nabiki knew that . However , she also knew that she lacked the business sense that had caused the restaurant to thrive as much as it did . Nabiki 's eyes shot wide , and her stomach did the splits . There , in the doorway a familiar form stood , along with another man whom she didn 't recognize . She felt her stomach wrench at the memory of the man . His name was Makaro . At first glance , they had seemed to be nice people . Nabiki was an excellent judge of character , but for some reason she couldn 't pick up anything out of the ordinary with them . She showed them a table and rushed off to help Kinami and the other staff with dinner . When she turned around , she found that much of the restaurant had been emptied , and whoever was left , was leaving at that very moment . Gendo and Makaro stood there smirking at her . They were very polite at first , introducing themselves as Yakuza . But Nabiki knew with that name came trouble . After a while , they propositioned Nabiki with a deal . She would cater to their meetings and such , and offer her a ' fair ' price . However , when they say ' fair ' they mean ' free ' . Nabiki had refused , knowing full well what they were capable of , but Nabiki also knew what she was capable of . In the end , they had won . One night they came into the restaurant , and brutally attacked her , leaving her nearly dead . She had spent a week in the hospital , after many visits from Gendo and Makaro , and returned to the restaurant . After that she had no choice but to do as they said . Then last week she had pulled something . She may not have had the connections of the two Yakuza men , but she pulled up a little bit of attainable information from another Yakuza member , who was a close friend of hers . She found out about Gendo 's family . Gendo 's family was wealthy , and even well respected in the community . His father was even the mayor of a town to the west . If the press even got wind that a Mayors son was a Yakuza member , they would have a field day . She waited until Gendo was visiting alone before informing him . At first mention of this , he threatened to kill her , and her family . But when she informed him that the information was at that moment in the posession of a dozen people , who would gladly contact the press if anything were to happen , Gendo backed down . Since then , neither he or Makaro came by . She had won . It was over . Or so she thought . Makaro nodded and smirked at Nabiki . " Gendo told me of his little chat with you last week . He wanted me to find a way to get around it , so I did . " " My point , Miss Tendo . Is that our previous deal is now Null and Void . If you wish to continue your . . . meaningless existance , I suggest you do what we say , unless you want us to release our friend here . " " Anyways , our new deal is this . We will allow you enough money to pay your help . We will allow you enough money to pay your bills . But the rest , Miss Tendo . Is ours . Try anything else like you did with Gendo , and I will personally see to it that you are eliminated . " " And now Miss Tendo , we shall return at closing time . Leaving you enough time to get to your bank and empty it . Consider it a . . . Price . The price for Gendo 's life . " " Well " , he said , " Your no fun . This had better not be an obstacle , however . If I pay you to kill her , you do it . " Nabiki rushed about the restaurant frantically . Since the incident only minutes earlier , she had thrown up twice , and broke down crying three times before she finally gained control . They would be back tonight . God , that wasn 't enough time to think about it . Nabiki was definately brighter than most people . Her crude business sense had left more than one person broke in her day . But she couldn 't get her way out of this . More time . She needed more time ! She rushed to the cash register . Already , a few of her regulars started to show up as the Yakuza left , most of them visually worried about Nabiki 's behavior . She had pulled out the money from the register and begun to count . Good , same amount as was there last night . Maybe if she could hide a certain amount of money - - No . That wouldn 't work . They 'd find out , and have her killed . Nabiki cherished her money , but even she knew her life was worth no price . It would take some time to think of something . She considered force . Her father ? No . She didn 't want him involved . Her sister ? No . She wasn 't skilled enough . Even Gendo was more skilled than her , and that . . Masked man apparently had done him in easily . Ryoga ? Possibly . His strength was unmatched , and his Shi Shi Hokoudan would probably blast that man to kingdom come . But no , that wouldn 't work either . Above all else , she did not want her family involved in this . If Ranma were still alive , at least he could gather up the strength to fight them . He beat a _ DRAGON _ in combat , the Yakuza would be no match for him . Soun opened his eyes . Aparently he had slept in a little longer than usual . He attributed his sleepiness to the disturbing dream he had the night before , and stepped out from his room on the top floor of the Tendo home . The home was empty . Genma and Nodoka had left last month to live with her family . Soun smiled at the memory of his dear friend and wife living with him the past five year , even after Ranma 's death . Thinking about Ranma had immediately reminded him of the dream he had the night before . Ranma had shown up , % 100 alive , even if a bit disfigured , and wearing the strangest suit . A chill run up his spine as he remembered . Soun began to step down the stairs of the home when he noticed the picture missing . The picture he had taken only last year was missing from the wall by the stairs . He looked towards the ground , and noticed that it wasn 't there either . It was gone . He remembered the day the picture was taken . The entire family had gathered together , even Genma 's family had posed for it . He remembered the hard time he had positioning everyone together correctly so there would be no problem fitting all of them in . He mentally counted the number of people in his head . The whole Tendo family was there , as well as the Saotome family . Kasumi , Nabiki , Akane . He smiled at the thought of his three daughters . Kasumi was in her fourth year at Medical School . She had since married Dr . Tofu , which was the main reason he had popped up in Souns memory of the event . Genma and Nodoka were there with Ranko , the child they had after Ranma 's death . Nodoka had originally wanted another child long ago , before Ranma had died , but Genma had nothing to do with it . He only wanted one child , and Ranma was it . But after he died , Genma and Nodoka could only find happiness in each other , they 're relationship has blossomed after that , and they were like teenaged lovers again , then Ranko showed up . Ranma 's alias before Nodoka knew of his curse had been Ranko , and they had named they 're new child that for two reasons . 1 . Out of respect for Ranma , and 2 . Because of her red hair . It wasn 't long after that , the Tendo / Saotome family pact had been reborn . Akane had had a child at the tender age of 19 . Even though it was against Soun 's wishes , they went ahead and had the child . ' They ' being Ryoga and Akane . Originally , Soun had thought the idea of Ranma 's friend marrying his widow was scandalous , and an outrage . But seeing Akane upset nearly 24 hours out of the day was even worse , and he had relucantly agreed to the wedding , under the condition that Akane would keep ' Saotome ' in her name , out of respect for Ranma . And thus , Ranma Saotome - Hibiki was born . Soun since then had grown to love Ryoga as a son . He still felt guilty from time to time for allowing the marriage , but Ryoga had assured him that he felt the same . If Ranma and Akane were a perfect match , then Ryoga was the next best thing . If only Ranma could have had a son before he died . Ranma barely acknowledged Soun 's presence , he had his mind on other things . For some reason he had not been tired at all the night prior , and had spent his time trying to remember more about his past , and looking at various pictures around the house . He had remembered most of his life up to the Saffron incident when he noticed it . The picture had been rested on the wall near the stairs . He had passed it several times in his efforts to remember more by looking around the place , but had never actually noticed until he accidentally knocked it off of the wall . He picked it up , and was about to replace it when he saw them . Akane was the first he recognized . Then bit by bit , each of the people in the picture began to surface in his memory . Kasumi . Doctor Tofu . Ranma wasn 't at all surprised at this . He had expected them to marry , and he silently chuckled at the memory of Dr . Tofu 's lightheadedness whenever he was in Kasumi 's presence . Next he noticed Nabiki . Although her image in the picture was well presented , he could note a hint of worry in her eyes . Next he came to his father and mother . This was a shock to him , to see them so close to each other , and smiling . Most of his memories of his mother were of hiding and lying . Pretending to be ' Ranko ' the cousin of the Tendo family . Most notably about his parents , was that they were not alone . It seemed that there was another member of the family . One that Ranma could not remember no matter how hard he tried . A little girl . Her hair was red like Ranma 's girl form , and did share alot of Ranma 's girl - form qualities . Right down to the eye colour . He mentally noted that he would have to visit his sister one day soon , as well as his parents . At least to tell them that he is still alive . What he noticed next blew his mind . Ryoga , his . . ' aquaintance ' from memory , but friend from heart was shown holding the hand of the woman he loved most . The woman he had endured this curse for . He was holding Akane 's hand . Not as friends , but as lovers . The image of a small boy sitting on the ground between them seemed to verify his worries . After that point , he had been enraged with pure anger and hatred , but let it die down to simple contemplation afterwards . Ranma took this new information in . He knew he loved her , but he didn 't know that they were married . The last thing he could remember was the botched up wedding , which , if memory served him correct , was _ SERIOUSLY _ botched up . Soun looked into Ranma 's eyes . Though they were mainly covered by his cowl , he could imagine the pain which was portrayed in their image . " Nearly a year . " Soun suddenly noted the time . Quarter to Ten . He let an image pass through his mind , and quickly decided it would be best to avert a meeting between Ryoga and Ranma at this point . At least until Soun could have a talk with Ryoga about the events that have transpired . " Ranma , we 're going to have to finish this conversation another time . As much as I 'd like you to stay around , I think its best you go out and find some things out for yourself , the morning class will be here soon . " " Doubtful . From what I hear , this Chinese guy is expensive , and from the amount of money Gendo was extorting from them . . Well , use your head . " " Just a file larger than a breadbox . He 's got over 40 confirmed killings , and another 15 unconfirmed . This guys MO is strange , but methodical . He kills them three times through . First , he hits them in the heart with a - - " For shorter trips , like from the front door to the bus stop , he soon learned , that instead of focusing on the main destination , he would focus on ' baby - steps ' as Akane had called them . For instance , His first destination from the front door , would be to follow the walkway to the sidewalk , from the sidewalk , he would walk three streets left of his position , and wait at the bus stop . The bus soon showed up , and he got off at the third stop . From the third stop , he would get off , walk across the street , turn left , walk two streets over , and face his right . That would usually place him at the outside wall of the Tendo Dojo . From that point , he was usually okay , but from time to time he would turn left instead of right and end up missing for days at a time . Before long , Akane stopped getting worried and just waited patiently for him to return home . Ryoga had nearly had a heart attack . Here he was , just sitting on the bus , counting the stops , when the roof _ RIGHT _ above him had nearly caved in . Examining the ceiling he noted two foot - shaped dents and began to wonder . It had been a long while since any _ GOOD _ Martial artist had come to Nerima , and the ones that were there , he knew personally . Shampoo and Ukyou had left a long time ago , Tarou hadn 't been seen in . . God only knows how long , Happosai went to America , but it was doubtful that he weighed enough to make that kind of dent . Ryoga suddenly felt a familiar chill run up his spine , it was only moments later when he released that it was the same as the one he had the night before . Ranma Saotome - Hibiki was three years old . He would be four in five months , and he was already becoming the elite martial artist that his namesake would have been proud of . Although Akane felt remorseful that she never had the chance to have big Ranma 's child , she loved her son with all of her heart . For a reason unknown to Akane , she had been thinking alot of Ranma over the past two hours since she woke up . She couldn 't identify exactly why , but the thoughts were pouring in her head like an endless waterfall . Her memory drifted back to the time she found out Ranma had died . The day Shampoo returned to Nerima and gave the dreadful news that Mousse and Ranma had died protecting her . Akane did the only thing she could do . She ignored it . Pretended she had never met Ranma , but that had come with its consequences . After two weeks of her ' ignorance ' , she was admitted into the hospital , near death because she hadn 't eaten anything . She may have been able to forget about Ranma , but she also forgot to eat . Her only support during those times was Shampoo , Nabiki and most notably , Ryoga . She had found out of Ryoga 's ' secret ' just before Ranma had died . She was extremely angry at him for weeks afterwards , but after Ranma died , it just didn 't matter anymore . Before long , she found herself becoming attached to him . But soon , fate had taken its course . She had fallen in love with Ryoga . True , the feelings weren 't as strong as they were for Ranma , but there were feelings nonetheless , and before long , Ryoga proposed . Getting her father to accept the proposal however , was harder . The old man gave in after a while , and they were married . It wasn 't long after before she found out she was pregnant . She smiled at her son . Even though he was a mere three years of age , he took martial arts seriously , even more seriously than his parents . He seemed to follow after his namesake . Most children his age watched the greatest kids shows , and went to preschool to play with toys , but little Ranma , was a martial artist at heart . In fact , at that very moment , he was practicing his Kata on the balcony . Little Ranma nodded and jumped into the house . Even for a three year old , his balance and Coordination was impecable . Akane often wondered about it , but soon dismissed it as a gift . The Nekohanten was still the Nekohanten , much to Ranma 's relief . It was still a restaurant , and still open . But the owners , however , were not the originals . From a quick check - in , he had found out that these people had purchased the restaurant from Shampoo and Cologne five years earlier , but refused to tell him any more than that , and shooed him away with the threat of calling the police . Even though Ranma could easily take the police down , he just wasn 't in the mood for such a thing . He looked around for a moment , and then decided on a new destination . Ucchan 's was three blocks away . At first , Ranma thought it was his visitor from the previous night , but on closer examination at the source , he changed his mind . The source was an old man . A white beard extended down to his stomach area , and his eyes sparkled with intelligence . " I have my sources . " , the man explained . " I 'm surprised it was you actually , from my examination , during your life you were a kind person , if not a little . . Shall we say . . Ill - tempered ? " " Well , I had thought I had narrowed who the new Hellspawn would be to a government assassin . I was in New York for the past few months waiting for him to emerge there , but a few days ago , I felt your presence beginning to manifest . I had to follow it . " But the premise did explain a few things , like how he no longer had his Jusenkyo curse , and how there 's a good six years missing from his memory , five of which he had been apparently dead . And also - - No . He stopped himself . He was thinking crazy things , of course hes not dead . Nabiki sighed . Two things were bothering her . The first was that , since the few customers that had shown up earlier , barely any had came into the establishment since , and the place was devoid of life . The second was what she was going to do about Makaro . She took a look back outside into the main restaurant , and noticed Kinami sitting in one of the chairs eating some of her own Okonomiyaki . She mentally noted to charge her for the food . Kinami cooked herself some okonomiyaki and sat down at a table . She began to scarf it down , wondering how she would help her good friend Nabiki . She had the beginnings of an idea when she saw him . He had appeared out of nowhere , coming through the door without so much as the sound of a footstep , and he was dressed strangely . Chains all about his body , even a large red cloak and a cowl . She looked to him like a sadistic superhero , when she let her larynx take over . The woman screamed at him . A response he had expected . However , he had also expected it to be someone he would recognize . It was not , some woman dressed in an okonomiyaki chefs outfit . Ranma shrugged inwardly , he wasn 't in the mood for asking questions and began to turn around an leave . He was nearly out the door when he heard it . Ranma felt his guts wrench inside of him . Here was someone else from his past someone he recognized . Here was the sister of his love , Nabiki Tendo . Ranma began to think of what to tell her . ' Hey , its me Ranma , I 'm not dead , just had amnesia for the past five years ' didn 't seem plausible . " I 'm a friend . " , he replied instead . Something clicked . Nabiki let the name seep in . The voice , she knew it seemed familiar , but Ranma ? She let herself think long and hard over the present situation . A number of possibilities ran through her head . At first she thought was that it was some sort of sick joke , but the posture . The way he talked . It _ HAD _ to be Ranma . Kinami also knew the name . Many nights had passed by when Nabiki would talk of nothing but Ranma and his skills , and his curse . She also made sure to mention how much money she had made off of him . Nabiki ran into them immediately . She hugged him as hard as she could . Her brother - in - law was back . _ HE _ could help her with her problems ! Nabiki smiled . She didn 't know what he meant , but she didn 't care either . Ranma was back . The _ ONE _ person that could save her from the Yakuza . The _ ONE _ person outside of her own family that she cared for like a brother . Nabiki wouldn 't let her smile go and even let a tear run down her cheek . Suddenly , her business sense had taken over . Ranma knew this . He knew this ever since he saw her only a few minutes ago . She was afraid of him , even threatening him . Of all the possibilities in Ranma 's mind , he could only narrow it down to one . Everything began to fall into place . There were still a few things he was unclear on , such as how Nabiki got to own Ucchans , and why they were extorting such a small business , and when they had made they 're presence known in Nerima , but he got the main idea . Extortion . 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by Larry Bird and Jackie MacMullan Chapter 1 On Retirement On August 18 , 1992 , I announced my retirement from the Boston Celtics . It was one of the happiest days of my life . You have to understand how screwed up my back was at that point . I had been playing through back problems for almost ten years , and I just couldn 't take it anymore . The pain was relentless . No matter what I did - whether I was standing up , sitting down , lying down , leaning over - I couldn 't escape it . It had completely taken over my life . There were some days I couldn 't even bend over to pick up a basketball , never mind try to shoot one . Some nights , I had to eat dinner sitting on the floor . Even lifting up my son , Conner , hurt so much that I had to stop doing it . When I 'm hurting , and not able to play the way I want , I can be a pretty miserable person to be around . I don 't know how my wife , Dinah , lasted through that last season of my career , because I was in pain all the time , which meant I was in a bad mood all the time too . Maybe that 's why when I walked up to the podium at my press conference in the Boards and Blades Club at Boston Garden and finally said out loud that it was over , I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders . I can 't tell you what a relief it was not to have to push myself through all that pain anymore . I can honestly say I hated basketball at that point . As soon as that press conference was over , me and some of my good friends , including my physical therapist , Dan Dyrek , went out and celebrated . There was nothing to be sad or sentimental about . It was time for me to be done . I had known for months before the actual press conference that I wasn 't going to play anymore . When my back started flaring up in training camp , before the start of the 1991 - 92 season , I knew that was probably it , but I don 't think I actually admitted it to anyone - probably not even to myself , really - until January or February of 1992 . I wasn 't afraid of life after basketball . It was more a matter of finishing a job . I don 't believe in giving up in the middle of anything . But it really wears you out when you are in constant pain . I had what they call a nerve impingement , which meant the L - 4 vertebra was sitting twisted and compressed on the L - 5 vertebra , and there was a nerve trapped in between the two . It left my spine very unstable . The bone kept pushing itself into the nerves in my back , and it was just terrible . Dan Dyrek would work on it so he could temporarily push the bone off the nerve , but before long I 'd be feeling that burning pain shooting down my leg , and I 'd be in serious trouble all over again . By this time Dan had been treating me for almost a decade , and he was really concerned about the permanent damage I might be doing to myself . There were a whole bunch of times we had serious discussions about retirement . We came to a compromise , and worked out a system where we 'd make decisions from game to game . Dan would examine me , and if my back was really " hot , " or agitated where the disc was , he would tell me I had to sit out . If Dan gave me a thumbs - down , that was the final word for that night . Neither the Celtics nor I questioned him - most of the time . Looking back , it was a ridiculous way to finish my career , but at the time I just put my head down and tried to get through it . I missed 37 games in my final season . People knew I was hurting , but very few of them had any idea how bad it really was . It got to the point where I was wearing a brace almost all the time except when I was practicing or playing . I even had to wear it to bed . I really hated that brace . It was made of a quarter - inch of fiberglass and went from my chest all the way down to my hips , and it was really uncomfortable . But I knew it was necessary . One thing is for sure : I wasn 't going out much at that point . I didn 't want anyone to see me in that thing . Even though I knew I was playing my last season , I kept it to myself . The last thing I wanted or needed was a big commotion at every city we went to . I had no interest in a retirement tour . Our team was still pretty competitive at that point and that 's all I wanted to concentrate on , getting as deep as we could into the playoffs and , if we caught a break or two , maybe into the Finals . Of course the media was speculating on how much longer I 'd play , but I wasn 't saying a word . Well , not publicly anyway . I do remember walking into Dan 's office early in 1992 and telling him , " Dan , the back is really bad . Just get me through this season and I 'll quit . " Dan said what he had been saying for over a year : " Larry , you should quit right now . Your back is unstable . Every day you go out there , you are risking further damage . It 's over . You have to stop playing . " I knew Dan was right , but I couldn 't see quitting in the middle of the season . I promised myself I wouldn 't do that , because people had bought season tickets that year thinking they were going to see me play . Most of them knew my back was bad and I might miss some games , but they were counting on seeing me at least some of the time , and I didn 't want to let them down . For the rest of the season I lived on anti - inflammatory drugs and wore that stupid brace . Both Dan and the Celtics trainer , Ed Lacerte , did the best they could to hold me together . It seemed we 'd be talking every two weeks or so about retiring , but then I 'd have a period of ten days or so where I felt okay , and that would be the end of it . Then , like it always did , the pain would come back . Both Dan Dyrek and Ed Lacerte have told me I played that last season in a state of unconsciousness . The truth is , I should have retired a couple of years earlier , after I had my first back surgery in the summer of 1991 . We had played Indiana in the first round of the playoffs that spring , and I was in really bad shape . The burning down my leg was so bad I couldn 't feel my toes . I couldn 't sit down , I couldn 't stand up . I was in shock , really , but how could I stop in the middle of the playoffs ? I remember after we lost Game 4 in Market Square Arena , it was about the worst I had ever felt . I wanted so badly to be healthy , because we had to go back to Boston for a deciding Game 5 , and there was no way I could let that team beat us , because I didn 't want to hear about it all summer from my friends who lived in Indiana . I went to see Dan , and he started feeling around , and he said , " There 's nothing more I can do for you . " I left his office thinking , " Boy , this really is it . " I got in the car and started driving , but the pain was so intense that I had to stop after about a mile and get out and walk around . Somehow I managed to play Game 5 at the Garden . A lot of times I would feel lousy heading into the game , but after Dan worked on me a bit , and all my adrenaline got pumping , I could block it out . I knew I 'd pay for it later , but that was later . We beat the Pacers in Game 5 and won the series , but not before I banged my head on the parquet floor chasing after a loose ball . I don 't remember much of it , to be honest , because when they took me into the locker room I was in a daze . But I do remember one thing : after all I had been through with my back , no lump on the head was going to keep me out of the playoffs . I remember sitting in the locker room with our team doctor , Arnie Scheller , and after my head started clearing a little bit , I said to him , " Do I have a shot ? Can I get back in there ? " He said , " Hey , you 've done enough . That 's it for you . " So we sit in that training room some more , and I keep hearing the crowd . They 're chanting , " Lar - ry ! Lar - ry ! " I look at Arnie , and I said , " Aw , hell ! " and I get up , I run through that tunnel , back onto the court , and the place goes absolutely nuts . Later , when I got hired by the Pacers , Donnie Walsh said he knew I would play . He said he knew I 'd come back , and the place would go crazy , and we 'd win the game , which is exactly what happened . Even so , we couldn 't sustain the momentum . We ended up losing to Detroit in six games in the next round , and a couple months after that I had my first back surgery . The procedure involved shaving the disc , as well as widening the canal where the nerves that led to my spinal cord sat . I knew the surgery was not going to solve all my problems . In fact , the pain was back within a couple months . Fusion surgery had been an option , but the surgeons warned me that very few professional athletes had ever played again following fusion surgery , and I wasn 't interested in being a guinea pig . The truth ? I was just trying to buy myself some time . The same day I had my first surgery , I went out and walked ten miles . My surgeon was very optimistic . He said , " You should come back in January and I 'll take another look , but I think you are going to do just fine . " Well , Arnie brought the surgeon to one of our first games of the season . This doc knows nothing about basketball - he 's an old hockey player . He came in after the game and he said to me , " Larry , the way you play this game , you 're not going to last another month . I had no idea you did all this stuff . Hell , you don 't spend any time on your feet . " He looked kind of worried , but I didn 't pay much attention . I was feeling great ! At the time , we were 28 - 5 , and on our way to the best record in the East at the All - Star break . Not very long after that , I was shooting around before the game , and I turned a little funny , and boom ! There goes my back . I couldn 't believe it . I knew right then that was the end of it . I was in and out the rest of the season . Once I realized my back was still going to mess me up no matter what , I seriously considered retiring right then and there . Dave Gavitt , who had come to the Celtics in 1990 to run the team , kept talking me out of it . Not too many people can change my thinking when my mind is made up about something , but Dave was different . We hit it off from the first day we met . Dave had a lot of innovative ideas about how to help the team , and I loved talking about basketball with him . You can tell he was a former coach - he had some really good Providence teams back in the seventies - because of how he approached people . He understood how a player saw the game , and understood that a team needed to have an identity , and that whatever went on in the locker room , or on the floor , was something that should be shared among each other , like a family . I was really excited when Gavitt took over as the team 's CEO . We needed someone with his basketball expertise making personnel decisions . I was sure he 'd be the one that would win us our next championship - until my back interfered . I went into Dave 's office about four months after my first back surgery and told him , " Dave , I don 't think I can go on like this . I 'm not the same player I was . I can 't play the way I want to anymore , and I 'm thinking I should retire . " He put his arm on my shoulder and said , " Larry , I didn 't come here to throw you a retirement party . I came here to help you win a championship . " He gave me a little pep talk about how special our team was , and how the NBA would probably never see another front line like me , Kevin McHale , and Robert Parish again , and then he got into the whole thing about the Celtics tradition and what it meant to the city of Boston , which was why he had given up his job as commissioner of the Big East to take over the Celtics . I 'm telling you , Dave was a pretty persuasive guy . He could get you all fired up . I knew he would back me up , whatever I decided , and I guess I didn 't want to let him down . Besides , I agreed with him on one thing : we still had a chance to win a championship . As long as we still had a crack at that , it was going to be hard - impossible , really - for me to give up playing . The last championship we won was in 1986 . It was a dream season . Everybody played at the top of their games - me , Robert , Kevin , Dennis Johnson , Danny Ainge - and we had a great bench . We also had the two best centers in the league . That was the year Bill Walton played with us , and he was just phenomenal . He is the best passing big man I 've ever seen , and I marveled at the things he could do , even though his feet were a mess and he wasn 't anywhere near the player he had once been . That didn 't matter on our team . Bill did what he could do , and that was more than enough . But what people tend to forget is that one of the big reasons Walton was able to have that kind of success was because of Robert Parish . Robert was an All - Star center , and he started every game , but there were many times when it was Walton , not Parish , who was on the floor in the fourth quarter . On a different team , with a different guy , that could have caused all sorts of problems . Some players get really protective about minutes , or when they are on the court and how much credit they 're given , but not Robert . He was a true pro . He really didn 't care how much he played , or when , as long as it worked for the team . That 's why that year was so great , because it was all about winning . I 'm sure there were some days that Robert wished he was out there , but he would never have said so . I 'm sure , also , there were times Robert got tired of all the media attention Bill got - and believe me , it was a lot , which I appreciated , because it took some of the spotlight away from me - but in the end , Robert knew his team respected him , and that 's all that really mattered . Those are the kind of things I told my Indiana team when I took the Pacers job . Never mind what the outside world thinks - what do the guys who are on the court with you , day after day , think ? Because they are the ones who know whether or not you 've given them everything you have . I used to laugh when I read things in the paper about how important this guy was to our team , or how that guy wasn 't helping us . Because many times they had it all wrong . Take Greg Kite . He was a center from Brigham Young who got drafted by the Celtics in 1983 , and Bob Ryan , a sportswriter for the Boston Globe , was constantly killing him . He 'd say things like , " He 's a twelfth man that doesn 't belong in the league , this and that , " but what people don 't understand is that most fans only see the games . They don 't see practice . I always thought the practices were so important - I still believe that - to prepare other guys to play . That 's why our 1986 team was so successful . We had Walton going against Parish every day . We had Scottie Wedman going against me for a number of years , pushing me every day . To the second unit , those practices were their games , especially to a guy like Kite who didn 't play much . He wanted to beat us every day in practice . He never took a day off . He couldn 't afford to . He was excellent for our team . He was a smart player , he knew everything we were doing , and he understood exactly what his role was . I wish I could find me a Greg Kite right now for the Pacers . After that 1986 championship , everything fell apart . Walton stuck around another season , but he was hurt almost all of it , and he retired after playing only ten games in 1987 . The Celtics drafted Len Bias that spring , and he died of a cocaine overdose . That was a real shock . I was taking a shower , and my mom came in and told me . I thought it was somebody 's idea of a cruel joke . Then Kevin hurt his foot the next season , and by the time we got to the Finals against the Lakers , he was playing on a broken foot . It just seemed like we couldn 't catch a break . Just before the 1988 - 89 season , both of my heels started really bothering me . This wasn 't a new injury . I had always had some pain down there . Dan said it didn 't help matters that I never stretched those Achilles tendons . He also said there had been some inflammation in that area for some time . But what took this pain to an unbearable level was that , over time , with repeated trauma to that area , I developed bone mass in both heels . There shouldn 't be any bone anywhere near there , and it was embedded in the tendon . I tried to play through it , but it wasn 't going to happen , so they decided to do surgery on both heels and take all that bone out . Dan was against the surgery . He thought he could treat me without it , but I wanted the pain to stop . I told him , " Let 's just get the stuff out of there and worry about the rest of it later . " Originally the doctors said I would miss about three months , but I ended up missing the whole season . I was miserable . It 's no fun watching your team struggle while you 're sitting there on the bench in street clothes . When I started my rehab that summer I knew I would never be the same . My legs felt different . The surgery took all the life out of them . I did all the exercises and all the workouts they gave me , but I couldn 't move the way I used to . I could still score and rebound and all that , but defensively it really affected me . I didn 't have the same lift , or side - to - side movement . It was very , very frustrating , but there wasn 't much use in talking about it . I could either play on or give it up , and I figured I had a lot more playing to do . Of course , that was before I had any real idea of how bad my back would get . I guess I should have known . The doctors had told me I had congenital problems . I was born with a narrower canal than normal where the nerves lead to the spinal cord . Then there are the joints in my back , called the facet joints . They are supposed to be aligned a certain way . The left and right joints should be parallel to each other , but the ones on my right side were at all sorts of different angles . What all of this meant was my disc was going to slowly break down over the course of my life . Dan says I would have had back problems whether I was a professional athlete or not . Just through the wear and tear of every day , my spinal area was deteriorating , and the disc was degenerating . And the worse that disc got , the more excessive motion it caused in my back . That created a wobbly area that had very little stability . All of that may have been true , but when you are a kid running around playing basketball and baseball and everything else , you don 't want to know that stuff . I didn 't have any major injuries as a kid growing up , unless you count a broken ankle that I got playing basketball . I had no way of knowing my back was going to give out on me . My first real back problems cropped up in 1983 , when I went home to my house in French Lick for the summer to do some work on my property . One of the first things I wanted to get done was to install some tile around my basketball court , to help with the drainage . I was never much on hiring people to do work I was perfectly capable of doing myself , and this job shouldn 't have been a problem . I needed some gravel to seal it , so I got my brother and his friend Eddie to help me spread it . They weren 't doing it the way I wanted , so I said the heck with it , and I took that truck full of gravel and did it all myself . It wasn 't the best idea I ever had . I woke up the next morning and I said , " Something is wrong . " My back was killing me . I couldn 't walk around , much less work out , and I was worried . I had only been with the Celtics for four seasons at that point , and we had already won our first championship , but I knew that if we were ever going to win another one I was going to have to be even better than I was the year before . I didn 't want to have to tell the team I was hurt , so I didn 't do anything for about two or three weeks , hoping the rest would make it all better . But by then it was July , and I knew I had to get moving with my conditioning and everything for the season , so I called the Celtics team doctor , Tom Silva , and told him what had happened . He told me to put lots of ice on it . I did that for the rest of the summer , but it wasn 't helping much . I remember really suffering through training camp . Doc Silva would alternate with heat and ice , heat and ice , but it wasn 't working . I remember after we played Philadelphia in an exhibition game at home , the pain was so bad I went to Silva again and said , " We 've got to try something else . " He said , " Larry , I don 't know what else to tell you . " He called in Dr . Robert Leach , who examined me , then recommended I be seen by this physical therapist , Dan Dyrek , who he thought could help me . I agreed to see Dyrek at my house the next day . He examined me in my living room , with Doc Leach and our trainer , Ray Melchiorre , watching . He was twisting me this way and that way , and digging into certain areas of my back , and everything he did hurt a whole lot . He explained what he was doing as he went along , and I was listening to everything he said , but I kept looking at Ray and Leach , because I knew them , and I wasn 't sure what the hell was going on . I was only twenty - six years old , and I didn 't like the looks on their faces . My first impression of Dan was pretty good . At least he wasn 't telling me I needed heat and ice , heat and ice , because it was pretty obvious that wasn 't going to work . I remember about an hour after they all left , I got up to turn on a light , and they were all standing in my driveway , still talking . I went back and told Dinah , " They 're still out there . You know what that means . My back must be pretty screwed up . " Dyrek called me the next morning and explained that there was what he called a real " hot spot " in my back around the disc that he wanted to treat by mobilizing the tissues and tendons around that area . The idea was to manually manipulate that area to restore normal motion and take pressure off the disc . I said , " Let 's start today . " That 's how my relationship with Dan Dyrek came about . It started out as professional , but he 's become one of my close friends . When you spend that much time with somebody , you find out what kind of person they are , and Dan was always a professional . I never worried that he would be talking to anyone about my treatments . And I could tell early on he knew what he was doing . When I first started seeing him , I was getting these major pains in my side that would last for more than ten seconds when I sat down . It was brutal . But after two or three weeks of seeing Dan , that pain gradually started going away . I ended up receiving treatment every other day for two years . A couple of months after he started helping me , I offered Dan a couple of my tickets to a Celtics game . I knew he 'd never ask for anything . I didn 't even know if he was a sports fan until I saw his face when I gave him the tickets . He looked so excited , and surprised . I 'm not the type to just go out and give my tickets to anyone , but I really appreciated how much Dan was helping me . So I gave him two tickets to each game for the rest of the season . We spent so much time together that our pregame treatments turned into little challenges . Just before it was time to take the court , Dan would ask , " How are you doing ? " and I 'd say , " I 'm feeling like I can score forty - three points tonight . " If I actually got to 43 points , we 'd have some kind of prearranged signal , like a salute , and I 'd turn and give it to him . It was really important that I could trust Dan not to discuss my injuries . I didn 't want the fans and the media to know every little thing that was wrong with me , but even more important , I didn 't want the teams we were playing against to know ! That 's why nobody knew about the neck problems I was having about this same time . But that was nothing compared to my back . My next serious back episode was in the summer before the 1989 - 90 season , when I went to a fund raiser that the singer Kenny Rogers put on each year . I love Kenny Rogers 's music , and I had been doing his charity event for three years or so and it was a lot of fun . He got four pro basketball players , four fishermen , four tennis players , and four golfers , and we all tried to play one another 's sports . I was still having some trouble with my back , but Dan had gotten me to the point where I had long stretches of being pain free . I was feeling pretty good about the upcoming season . We were in the final minutes of this charity basketball game when I went up for a rebound and came down a little sideways . Michael Jordan was going for the ball too , and he landed on my back . Right away I knew I was in trouble . My back started tightening up , and I could feel the pain coming on . The game was almost over , which was a good thing , because I was done . I just kind of stood there until it ended , and then I walked off the court without telling anybody what had just happened . Dinah was there with me , and she got on the phone to Dan and told him we needed to come up to Boston to see him . It was awkward , because the fund - raising people kept asking me to play tennis , but I couldn 't , and I really didn 't feel like explaining why . Within a couple of days we were in Dan 's office , and I could tell right away the news wasn 't good . I had torn additional portions of the disc wall , and my back was really traumatized . I didn 't know it then , all the way back in 1989 , but that was the beginning of the end . Dan was able to treat me so I got better and was able to play , but I never came all the way back . For the rest of my career I had to rely on Dan to continually treat me and put things back in their proper place . We told the Celtics what had happened . They took it pretty well . The truth was , my back was so unstable , it was going to give way sometime . It wasn 't like it was this violent collision ; Michael didn 't even land on me that hard . I was just at the point where I was an accident waiting to happen . Nobody ever found out about that charity game - until now - which was good . There was nothing I hated more than talking about my injuries . It never helped them feel any better , and to me it always sounded like an excuse . Also , I found myself getting kind of superstitious . I remember one time , I had just finished practice at Hellenic College , which is where the Celtics used to hold all their workouts , and I was feeling fantastic . Peter May , a reporter who covered our team for many years , asked me how my back was feeling . I answered him , " Great ! " I drove home from practice , lay down to take a nap , and I woke up with that horrible burning pain down my leg again . The next day , I was at the hospital getting injections . That 's when I decided , " That 's it . I 'm not talking about my injuries anymore . " I know it was hard for the reporters covering the team , but they got used to it . They knew that if I was cranky , it meant something was hurting . Near the end , that was every day . It was just a grueling process . Dan would check my back to see if it had lost its alignment , because things were so unstable , the bones were prone to shifting , and that set off all sorts of spasms . But the worst part about it was that my back prevented me from practicing , and without all that time in the gym , my skills were deteriorating . I loved to practice , and I needed to practice , and my game really suffered when I didn 't . My last game at Boston Garden was on May 15 , 1992 . We had beaten the Pacers 3 - 0 in the opening round of the playoffs and had Cleveland next . The Cavs were a good team , and had us down 3 - 2 heading into Game 6 . It wasn 't a memorable performance for me . I remember feeling a little off balance all night . My shot didn 't feel the way I wanted it to feel , and everything was a little out of sync . But Reggie Lewis hit some foul shots at the end , and we won to tie the series 3 - 3 . I wasn 't thinking it was the last time I 'd play in the Garden , because I truly believed we were going to beat Cleveland and come back home for the next round . But that didn 't happen . The Cavaliers beat us at their place , and then - boom ! - all of a sudden the season was over , and so was my career with the Celtics . . . I hadn 't told any of my teammates I was done , so there weren 't any hugs or handshakes or anything like that . I 'm sure some guys suspected , but nobody said anything . I just grabbed the game ball , stuffed it in my bag , and went home . The official announcement didn 't come for about another three months , because I had to play for the United States in the Olympics in Barcelona . When we decided it was time to let everyone know I was retiring , we called up everyone that morning and told them . I didn 't want it to get leaked out ahead of time and have people camping out in front of the house . Better to get it over with all at once . Dinah decided to go back to Indiana . There was something going on in French Lick , and I think she really didn 't want to be around to see it end . I remember she called me the night after the press conference and said she was getting her hair done at the beauty shop when the announcement came on over the radio . She said it got her all teary - eyed and everything . It was a big change for both of us . We had gone through all this pain and sweat , and now all of a sudden it was going to be over . There were a lot of reporters at the press conference , even though we hadn 't given them much advance notice . They wanted to know how I had spent the previous night preparing for the announcement . I told them I sat in my house in Brookline by myself , and watched old tapes of myself and cried . But that was crap , of course . I don 't know why I said it . It just came out , and it sounded good . I remember I did sit home and I started thinking about it , and said to myself , " My God , this is really over . I 'm really out of here . " Then I started thinking back to when I first got there , and how I went in and saw the house that I really liked , and how much fun we had in that house , and then I started going through in my mind everything that happened during those thirteen years . More than anything , I was so thankful to have played in one place my entire career . That 's something I believe is truly special , and I 'm so glad it was with the Boston Celtics . I used to tell people , if you haven 't played for the Boston Celtics , you haven 't played professional basketball . I suppose that 's a little bit of bull too , but it felt that way to me . I never tried to imagine wearing another uniform , because I couldn 't have . I would have retired first . Some of my friends think it 's too bad the fans didn 't know which one was my final game , because they didn 't get to say goodbye , but they did . The Celtics held a retirement night for me , and it was one of the greatest things I 've ever experienced . It was Dave Gavitt 's idea . At first I didn 't want any part of it . The way the Celtics usually retire jerseys is at halftime of a game , but Dave said it would be almost impossible to get the ceremony done in such a short time , and it would be disruptive to the game . His idea was to sell tickets to a Larry Bird Night , and donate all the proceeds to charity . The way he envisioned it was to have me onstage , in uniform , and have various people who were important throughout my career come up and talk with me . He also wanted to fly in Magic Johnson from L . A . to be there , which I thought was a great idea , because the two of us were so closely connected throughout our careers . Dave thought Magic should be in his Lakers warmups , and I should be in my Celtics warmups . I fought him a little on that , but I finally gave in . Dave also thought I should take one last shot , but there was no way I 'd agree to that . I told him , " Dave , I 've already taken all the shots I 'm going to take . " Anyhow , once I said yes to this Larry Bird Night , I got concerned about it . Who would come ? There wasn 't any game being played . But once it was announced , it sold out in a matter of minutes . Everyone got pretty excited about it . Mark Lev , who worked in the marketing department for Boston , came up with the idea of selling 1 , 033 limited edition Leroy Neiman prints , signed by both Neiman and me , for $ 1 , 033 each , with that money going to charity as well . ( The additional 33 was for my uniform number . ) The night itself is one I 'll never forget . I still can 't get over all those people showing up , just to cheer for me . When they cheer for you in a game , you never know if it 's because of the play the whole team just made , or because they love the Celtics , or what . But that night , I really appreciated their applause . Bob Costas , who agreed to fly in and be the emcee at no charge , was great . Magic was his usual charming self . My mom made a rare appearance in Boston to attend , and my son , Conner , who was just a baby , helped me raise my number to the rafters . We raised over $ 1 million for thirty - three different charities . We gave money to everyone from Celtics Wives Save Lives ( to benefit breast cancer research ) to Shriners Hospital for Crippled Children . It wasn 't easy choosing where the money should go , because there were so many worthy causes . I remember that at the time , Conner loved the show Barney , so I asked that we give something to the public television station that aired it . I wanted to make a donation to the Colonel Daniel Marr Boys and Girls Club , because I had seen for myself all the good they had done , and I wanted to make sure we gave a new van to a homeless shelter in town called Rosie 's Place . Some of the donations involved personal connections too . We gave money to an Alzheimer 's foundation named after M . L . Carr 's father , who died of the disease , as well as to the Red Auerbach Youth Foundation . I also wanted New England Baptist Hospital , whose staff had taken care of me all those years , to receive a donation . People ask me all the time if I regret playing through all that pain , and if I would do it over again , knowing what I know now . When I list all of the things that went wrong with my body , it sounds like I 'm whining about my injuries , and I hate that . That 's why you didn 't hear me talking about them when I was playing . It was the last thing I wanted to talk about . I will say this : I should have retired after my first back surgery . I wish I had . But the mentality of our team was to play through anything , to do whatever it takes , and most of us did that . Like when Kevin had that broken foot . We knew it was bad , and if he had decided he couldn 't play , we would have lived with it . We would have understood . But the truth is , we all knew Kevin wasn 't going to sit , because he knew we had a chance at a championship that season , and those chances don 't come too often . I 'm sure McHale has some regrets . We lost to the Lakers in the Finals in 1987 , and from what I understand , all these years later that foot still gives Kevin some trouble . You hate to hear that . I think one of the problems with our league today is that guys will sit out more now if they 're injured because they don 't want to ruin their reputation of being a great player , and it 's hard to perform at your top level when you 're injured . The other thing is that guys whose contracts are up figure they stand to make a lot of money , so why push it if you don 't have to ? Then there 's the agents . These young kids are letting other people make their decisions for them , and that 's too bad . A kid like Marcus Camby , he 's got all this talent , but he 's hurt so much it doesn 't matter . You feel like telling him that if he tries to play through some of the nagging injuries he might actually feel better . I played some of my best games when I had a muscle pull or I was sick . You come in that night figuring you can 't feel any worse , and when you finally get out there and run around a little bit , you tend to forget about what was bothering you . One thing I 've tried to understand as a coach , though , is that everyone handles pain differently . Some people know how to play through it . Others just can 't . You have to be realistic . I like to see guys play through twisted ankles , stuff like that . When it gets to more serious injuries , though , only you can decide how far you want to push yourself . My whole thing is , if you don 't think you can play , then don 't . And if you can , then go out there and do it , but don 't spend a whole lot of time talking about it . Nobody else knows your pain threshold but you . Sometimes I 'd complain privately to Dan Dyrek and say , " Why isn 't this guy playing tonight ? We could use him . " But Dan would always tell me , " Larry , you have an unbelievably high threshold of pain . You can 't expect other people to have that same threshold , because they don 't . It 's not fair to question how much people are willing or able to put themselves through . That 's just not fair . " I 've tried to remember that in dealing with my own players . So was all that suffering worth it ? When you look around Boston Garden and see 15 , 000 people there , then it 's worth every minute . I loved looking around and seeing every seat filled . That 's a special feeling I 'll never forget . There are some other things I would rather forget . A few years after I retired , I was in Boston with a friend of mine who was having back trouble , and I called up Dan Dyrek and asked him if he could take a look at him . Dan 's offices were in a new place , but even so , the minute I walked in there and started remembering all the pain I had gone through , I felt sick . Dan looked at me and said , " Larry , you look pale . Are you all right ? " I took one look around and answered , " As long as I never have to come back here , I 'll be fine . "
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3 Comments » Today 's teaser is from a work in progress . I 'm not yet sure what it 's all about , but at least some of it is about hunger . This is a chapter or so in , but I think you 'll figure fairly quickly who the players are . I used to be troubled by detailed food descriptions in books , but my friend Dana Fredsti has sufficiently brought to her point of view that I 'm giving it a go . When Willie finally returned with the bucket , Jing put water on to boil and made what she called soup , but was a nearer relation to tea : boiling water with a sprinkling of dried ginger , a shriveled clove of garlic , and salt . There was no shortage of salt . They were surrounded by it . Always before there had been something to put into the soup - tea . Some rice or barley or even wheat . A few wilted leaves of greens . Something . Willie stared into his bowl of hot , fragrant water with a new look . An older look . He drank . In a moment , in a mouthful of salty water , he was grown up . " Tomorrow , before you ask Kwok Menglu for work , I want you to go early to look for coal . Be careful of the trains , but get coal for Zhang Zoek , too . As much coal as you can pick up and bring home . Cold is coming . " A few swallows later , he set his bowl on the floor and went to the hearth to gather a handful of coals . While he was gone , Jing opened the battered crate that served as their linen cupboard . Much of what remained were things that had belonged to their mother , that they couldn 't yet bring themselves to sell . None of Jing 's clothes were nice enough to wear to the train depot . She wore the same things to the laundry every day . A plain gray shirt with stains from drops of bluing . A pair of blue trousers with a band of striped mattress ticking sewn on the bottoms to make them long enough . She had grown up but not out in the last four years . A patched wool jacket with the elbows gone threadbare enough to show the cotton wadding inside completed her winter wardrobe . In her own clothes , Jing would look exactly like what she was : desperate . Among her mother 's clothing she found a plain cotton nightdress , a blue and white embroidered silk jacket that had only three repairs , a heavy quilted wool skirt that could have served as a bed cover on a very large bed , and a pair of her father 's boots . Too large but not by a great deal if she stuffed rags in the toes . The slippers she wore at the laundry would never carry her the distance to the train station . Jing was trying it all on when Willie returned . His eyes opened wide and he cried out . Not bothering to shut the door , he ran to her and threw his arms around her waist . His fear frightened her , but she made herself push him away . She went to the open door and closed it , before turning back to try to calm him . He stood at the hearth , tears on his cheeks , his raw red hands hanging at his sides . Did Kwok Menglu already have him working in the bleach room ? " In the morning , I am walking to the train station , to ask about a job . A good job . Then I will come back . I 'll bring food , " Jing said . She hoped that was true . Any food would be a good omen . In that way , Jing talked him out of tears and under the quilt on the lone bed . With her mother 's soft voice she made sparkling stories about the food they would eat when she had a new job . Snowy mountain ranges of rice , pocked with carrots and onions , like boulders on a cliff face . Great vats of egg flower soup , the egg tendrils dancing like seaweed on the tide . Dumplings as plump as pillows , full of nose - tickling steam and cabbage like shredded silk scarves studded with jewels of fatty pork . 8 Comments » My novel Last Will comes out on April 24th , so in celebration of that , I 'm posting an excerpt for Teaser Tuesday ! There 's still time to enter to win a signed advance reader copy of the book , too . Visit me over on Facebook , where you can see the full array of things that will get you more chances to win . You can Like my author page on FB , follow my blog , follow me on Twitter , retweet the giveaway , and you can add the book to your to - read list on Goodreads . The contest ends at midnight , April 12th , and I plan to have the books in the mail by that Saturday . I met up with Mrs . Bryant in the front hall and waited for her to say , " Good afternoon , Mr . Raleigh . " Instead , she reached into her apron pocket , presented me with a handful of message slips , and said , " I need to speak with you , Mr . Raleigh . " Five minutes later , she was sitting on the other side of my grandfather 's desk , looking over the piles of phone messages at me . " Mr . Raleigh and I had discussed me retiring . My health isn 't what it used to be , what with the arthritis , " she said . I accepted my defeat graciously . After Mrs . Bryant 's resignation , I called the office of the Chairman of Raleigh Industries , and his assistant said she would call the assistant of the VP of Human Resources , who would hire me an assistant , who perhaps would kill the rat that ate the grain that sat in the house that Jack built . Mr . Tveite was right . I needed help . I hoped , too , that replacing Mrs . Bryant could be accomplished from a distance , but my grandfather had always managed his own household staff . The next day , Mrs . Bryant presented me with her replacements . She asked me into the kitchen and forced me to engage in a farce of an interview , as though my opinion could be of any value . I wasn 't surprised that one of her prospective hires was her daughter , Mary Beth Trentam , who seemed embarrassed to shake my hand . Nepotism I had expected , but I was dismayed when she re - introduced the other applicant saying , " And you 've met Mary Beth 's niece , Meda Amos . She 's been helping out temporarily . " " And I 've come in a few times as temp help for Mother over the years , " Mrs . Trentam said . She was a younger version of her mother , well - built and just starting to go a little thick around the waist . Her hair wasn 't grey yet , but it gave away her age all the same . It was styled with such exacting detail that she must have worn the same hairstyle for the last fifteen years . That or it was a wig . In a tone of mournful confidence , Mrs . Bryant said , " Meda 's been out of work for about two months now . On welfare . I used to have full - time help , but she quit this August and I never hired anyone to replace her . It 's better to have two people steady . It 's a big house . " I considered all of it unnecessary information . My personal policy toward most of humanity resembles the Army 's policy regarding homosexuals . I won 't ask ; please , don 't tell me . " I 'm sure you know best , Mrs . Bryant , " I caught myself saying , for the third or fourth time in ten minutes . Meda sat to my right at the kitchen table , pretending to sip her coffee , although I could see the level in the cup hadn 't gone down at all . Her serenity had a small chink in it . If the lovely , shy creature tucked under God 's arm in the Sistine Chapel ceiling fresco of Creation was intended to be Eve , she was nothing but a pale ghost of her Talmudic precursor . Meda was the darkly illuminated incarnation of Lillith , one of Adam 's earlier wives , whom he repudiated for wanting to be on top during sex . As though she could read my mind , Meda glanced at me before I could look away . Her eyes were blacker than my coffee and just as liquid . Based on my inability to look at her with anything like indifference , I knew it was a horrible idea to have her working in the house full time , but I agreed to it . I also agreed to the salaries Mrs . Bryant suggested . I would have agreed to almost anything to bring the interview to an end . " You 'll need to get the information to give the accountant for taxes , " Mrs . Bryant said . " Or I could call the accountant . " She was thinking of unanswered phone messages when she stressed the matter of paperwork . I couldn 't be trusted . Once they were gone for the day I wandered around the house , feeling like a time traveler . In my grandmother 's sitting room , the same lace curtains hung against walls not papered , but hand - painted in complimentary stripes . The furniture was all upholstered in the same shades of blue . I half expected to find her at the piano , absently picking out a song with one or two fingers . I wasn 't afraid of ghosts ; as far as I knew , I was the only person who ever died in the house . In sixth grade I was too old to fall for that trick . I was still too old . I flipped her off and reached for the door knob , but Renee held her ground . " You say you 're done with Kellen , but then you 're not even brave enough to go on a date with anyone else . And you can pretend that you 're not ready or whatever , but the truth is , you 're not brave enough . " She said it all in a low voice , so I knew Joshua was still in the front room , waiting for me to go on a date I was sure I 'd never agreed to . She thought she was bulletproof . She thought recklessness was the same thing as bravery . I stepped past her into the hall and walked toward the kitchen . Renee came after me . In the front room , we passed Joshua , who looked confused . Not a Kellen kind of confused , where he was always worried he 'd misunderstood or done or said something wrong . A pretty college boy kind of confused , where he thought someone else had made a mistake . The napkin with Darrin 's phone number was right where Renee had put it . At the party , she took it from him with a smile and said , " Yeah , I 'd love to go out . " Two weeks later it was still stuck to the fridge . She hadn 't called him . He wasn 't her type . He was a custodian and he wasn 't pretty . Not like Joshua . The other reason he wasn 't her type : he was too nice . Not enough drama . Not enough heartbreak . " And you have to try , Wavy . You can 't just sit there like stone until he gives up . You have to try like it 's a real date or it doesn 't count . " Renee knew me . I didn 't bother to answer . He was the problem . I 'd be done with him soon enough . I came back with my purse and stood in front of him . He was going to have take me as I was , in the clothes I wore to work and with my hair a little greasy . While Joshua drove , I looked at him out of the corner of my eye . Renee said he was " gorgeous . " She talked about him like he was a statue . David standing naked in a museum in Italy . I thought he was boring . Like a mannequin in a store . Better to look at a blank wall than to look at him . I also didn 't understand why he didn 't shave . Everything else about him was neat - hair , hands , clothes - and then the whiskers . He took me to a nice restaurant , I guess because that 's what people do on dates . I 'd taken Kellen to a restaurant before , but it was how I knew we were here on the strength of Joshua 's ego . I never would have agreed to go out to eat with someone who was basically a stranger . Never . But there I was , sitting across from him , with a menu open , watching him talk . That was how it felt , too . A silent movie , his mouth opening and closing , his teeth neat and white , but no sound coming out . I could only focus on some of the things he said . The rest of me was too busy cataloging the ways in which he wasn 't Kellen . At least I liked the restaurant . Aunt Brenda had taken me there before . They had good teriyaki chicken with ginger and pineapple , and they put your leftovers in nice to - go containers . Not crappy Styrofoam boxes . They made it pretty when you took it away . After I closed my menu the waiter came . I gave him my big smile , to make him pay attention , so that he would look at my menu when I tapped it . You really don 't have to talk much in everyday life . If you 're careful , if you learn the tricks to make people watch . That way you can save your words for important things . Sometimes just " yes " or " no . " Or " ranch " when the waiter wants to know what dressing I want on my salad . Which I didn 't want . I shook my head . " So , Wavy , " Joshua said . His teeth really were perfect . He probably had braces when he was younger . " I think your name is so cool . Kind of hippy , but not like Moon Unit or something like that . " It was a good thing I didn 't talk much , because what was I supposed to say to that ? I 'm glad you like my name . The man I love gave it to me . That probably wasn 't good date conversation . That was just me being impossible . Aunt Brenda said that about me . So did Renee some days . You 're impossible ! I agreed . Most days I was impossible . Like a unicorn . They rode in silence , everyone praying the same desperate thing inside their heads . Two hours before , they had prayed together . Big , noble , fearless prayers . Oh , heavenly father , please look after our hosts in this time of unrest . Please , oh Lord , protect the wonderful people of The Republic of Congo . That was before they bribed their way through the first checkpoint on the way to Brazzaville . The checkpoint was clearly unofficial , even if the men who waved the Land Rovers to a halt wore uniforms . Everyone had been ordered out of the Rovers in the narrow , shady road . The men in uniforms lined the passengers up while they " inspected " the vehicles . Over the rapid - fire exchanges in French and Congolese , Angie 's father said , " Don 't worry . They 're not going to hurt us . " It was all different from the six years they 'd spent in Haiti . Yes , things had been rough there . Angie and Hope had slept under mosquito netting and longed endlessly for the comforts of America , even though they lived better than all the Haitian parishioners of the mission . They 'd had indoor plumbing , windows , a washer , a fridge , and care packages from the sponsor church in Missouri . American candy , soap , and mac ' n ' cheese . After two years stateside , she didn 't want to be in Congo . She 'd come because that 's what family did . Fine , that was a lie . She 'd been furious that her father agreed to the mission trip and insisted she come . She 'd been angry and afraid . Terrified to think of Hope going on mission just a year after her leukemia went into remission . " Re - mission , " her father , John , said . " Do you hear that ? Re - mission . A chance to recommit ourselves to mission . It 's been missing . We haven 't been fully in Christ since we came to Missouri . " She wanted to say , " Speak for yourself . If you haven 't been fully in Christ , that 's your problem . " Instead , she kept her head down , waiting to see what her mother would say . After Hope got sick , they 'd come out of the field , taken a pastoral position at Guiding Shepherd . A nice church . Too nice for John . His sermons toward the end were less shepherding and more accusatory . The church elders seemed relieved to send him back into the mission field . Seeing the newsletter photo of the four of them at their farewell party , Angie considered for the first time that they were all hostages to John 's fervor . That was why her mother said nothing to talk her father out of going again . Hope , Nina , and Angie , they were all shell - shocked victims struggling to smile . A week later , they were in the Republic of Congo , standing on the tarmac at Brazzaville / Kinshasa . Five days of driving over dirt roads to get to the school and the church . The problem was that none of them were fearless anymore . Except John . In Haiti , Hope had been healthy and seven , and had never met a stranger . In Congo , she was weaker . Mortal and embarrassed by that spate of doubt . Nina was like a woman with the wind knocked out of her . The kind of woman who would be stronger in her faith for having been tested . Eventually . In a few years . But not yet . Angie had just lost her sense of rightness . Not her sense of right and wrong , but her sense that she was useful . She had gone to Haiti at ten , a hopeful little Christian with ideals . Before it was over she 'd seen how little good they 'd managed to do . Oh , sure , there was the school with the little medical clinic , but there was the never - ending parade of babies who died , kids who dropped out of school to work , girls married way too young , children called restaveks who were nothing but slaves . And the unrelenting poverty . Then Hope got sick and suddenly there were no more good works . There was a plane back to Missouri and the best medical treatment for Hope . That was good . Angie was grateful . She wanted Hope to live , to get well , but it seemed so easy . If you were American , if you were white , if you had money , or friends with money , you lived in a different world than poor black Haitians did . If you weren 't an America , you were already home . Tough luck . Returning to a public school in Missouri compounded it . Hammered from all sides with the waste , the indifference , the blindness , Angie found it was easier to go along and be a part of it . She let herself forget what deprivation looked like . She embraced the shallowness , the new clothes , the donated car , the spending money , the ipod , the college applications . John guided her toward a private Lutheran college , to keep her in Christ . Angie accused herself every day . Lukewarm . Christ would spit her out . He would spit them all out . Even John , whose fervor didn 't keep him from buying new suits and fetishizing his laptop . Lukewarm . John must have felt it , too . Maybe that was why he dragged them to Africa . Hope wide - eyed and a little too thin . Nina with a sharp new crease between her eyebrows that got deeper if Hope so much as sneezed . Angie , glaring at the back of her father 's head as they jolted down the road away from the checkpoint . She promised herself that as soon as they were safely on a plane back to the States , she would tell him exactly what she thought . Oliver had never been in a house where it was acceptable to hit women and he felt the seconds passing him by between the twinge of indignation and the moment when he caught the boy 's arm and said , " There 's no call for that . " For a brief moment he thought the boy would strike him , too , but either the old woman 's look of disapproval or Oliver 's size or Oliver 's pistol decided him against it . He returned the bread to the quiet girl 's plate . After the meal was done , Oliver managed to bring the talk back around to his brother , asking whether any of the rest of the family had seen him . He passed the picture around the room . The quiet girl stared at it a long time , until the old woman took it out of her hand , saying , " I expected the boys home sooner than this , but surely they 'll be in , before too much later . I 'm sure they 'll be able to help you . You know , they travel a lot , see a lot more of the country . They might be able to find someone who 's seen your brother . " Oliver looked up to see the quiet girl looking at him . She didn 't seem embarrassed , but she looked away . There was a bit more talk about other things , and then the old woman sent several of the boys out to do chores . She sent one of the younger boys up into the loft after some extra blankets and then turned to the quiet girl . " Why don 't you take Mister Oliver out to the barn and help him settle down where they 'll sleep for the night . " The girl nodded , and when she rose , Oliver and James did likewise . At that moment , however , the strawberry - haired woman put her hand on James ' arm . Laying a Bible out on the table , the old woman said , " I wonder if you wouldn 't mind reading us a piece out of the Good Book . " James blushed and looked to Oliver for approval before sitting back down . The strawberry - haired woman still had her hand on his arm and was smiling at him . Oliver followed the quiet girl out the door . She carried several blankets that the boy had thrown down to her from the loft . He offered to carry them , but that seemed to embarrass her , although she finally gave him the small lantern to carry . As they neared the barn , he finally got the nerve to ask where the outhouse was . She pointed a little ways around the corner of the barn and offered to wait for him . Even with the lantern , it was the worst of its kind that he 'd found out west - dank and dark and full of spiders . Outside , he heard voices , the girl , and one of the older boys . At first , he couldn 't make out their words , and then the fight grew loud enough for him to understand its meaning . Oliver heard a scuffle , the girl 's muffled cry . He struggled to fasten his belt , wrestled with the plank door , and left the lantern . When he hurried around the corner , he saw in the pool of light from the barn that the boy with the heavy silver necklace had the quiet girl down on the ground . He kicked at her as she struggled to get back on her feet , striking at him with her hands . She pulled him off balance and he fell onto her , punched her hard in the side of her neck , just as Oliver reached them and pulled the boy off her . Before Oliver could get his hand down to his side , he felt the electricity of the girl 's hand sliding against his waist , felt the weight of the Colt lifted out of its holster . He staggered back to avoid the hatchet , which made a short stroke against his chest . He felt a terrible emptiness in his stomach : real , final terror . He knew it was only a matter of moments before the girl passed the gun to her brother or shot her himself . For all he knew , he was already bleeding to death , and the boy was readying the hatchet again . Oliver tried to grab the girl 's arm , said a quick prayer : " God - . " and heard the gunshot . The boy jerked backwards , fell , and Oliver and the girl also fell back , propelled by Oliver 's retreat from the hatchet and the recoil of the Colt . The girl leapt up , pointing the pistol down at her brother and fired again . He jerked and was still . Oliver lurched to his feet , his arm and chest numb . " Get his axe , " she commanded , pointing down at the boy 's body . She jerked up the tail of her skirt , ignoring her bared legs and ran hard across the yard . Oliver followed with his head swimming . The old woman sat just where she had throughout the meal . James had been sitting on the bench across from her , a few candles on the table , reading from the Bible . Now he wore a noose around his neck , his face gone purple . The rope was slung up over a rafter and on the other end of it , swung the boy who had gone up into the loft for blankets . " Help him , " the old woman screamed at the strawberry - haired woman , who was laughing as she scrambled to help the boy pull down on the other end of the hanging rope . The two of them hoisted James a foot off the floor . Oliver was paralyzed in the seconds it took for him to understand what was happening . He stared , trying to comprehend , and in those few moments the girl began to shoot . She was no marksman and made no effort at severing the rope . She simply shot the boy who held the rope , and then palmed the hammer back and shot him again in the chest . He dropped from the rope and the woman let go , screaming . James hit the floor and began clawing at the noose . With an ease that belied her age , the old woman turned to the hearth behind her and pulled down a shotgun . Oliver looked down at the axe in his hand . Before the old woman could even level the shotgun , the girl crossed to the table and shot her from just a step away . The old woman fell back , almost into the fire as the girl jerked the shotgun away from her . She turned back to Oliver . Her eyes were dead black , unreadable . There were two hectic spots of color in her cheeks and a splatter of blood on her face . She held out the shotgun . " Take it and use it , " she said . " You 'll be dead if you don 't . " The old woman groaned and the girl turned back to her and shot her again , just as she had done the boy out by the barn . She pulled the trigger again and they looked at each other at the sound of the dry click . 16 Comments » I 'm getting back on the Tuesday Teaser bandwagon with a question : How do you react when you 're reading a novel and come across a word you don 't know ? Are you annoyed ? Are you thrilled ? Do you reach for your dictionary with a grumble or a trill of excitement ? Or do you just ignore it ? I ask , because the excerpt for today 's teaser was the source of a lot of disagreement in my writing group . Some members insisted that putting in a word that your average reader was unlikely to be familiar with was just WRONG . That was how they said it , like I was thinking of robbing a bank . Other members of my writing group countered with fond memories of books that taught them new vocabulary . Like me , they cited the work of Lemony Snicket as some of the best vocabulary - building children 's books out there . Besides , they pointed out about my word choice : it 's the punchline . Without the word , the chapter isn 't as funny . Those opposed to strange words in their fiction countered that it wasn 't a punchline if you don 't know what it means . The lag time involving the dictionary would rob the chapter of its humor . After a grueling day at my accountant 's office , looking at indecipherably occult spreadsheets , I drove by Meda 's house hopefully . I never would have done it , considering the embarrassment of her walking in on my act of self - pollution , except for that smile . Just as easily she could have been shocked or too appalled to speak , and I never would have stopped at her house . Her old Datsun sat in the yard , but I got no response when I rang the doorbell . I knocked loudly and a woman I 'd never seen before came to the door . Her hair was still dark , but her face was lined and rough , like she had lived hard . Her sunken cheeks hinted at missing teeth . She looked at me strangely when I introduced myself , but she let me in . " Meda 's in the shower right now . She 'll be out in a little bit . " Muriel said it as though they 'd been expecting me , so I sat down and waited . " I know , Mom . I know that 's Mr . Raleigh . You interested in alien abduction ? " Muriel took my uncertain shrug as an invitation to continue , leaning toward me over the coffee table . " You know a lot of people are starting to use hypnotism to find out they 've been abducted . A lot of times the aliens will cause people to forget that they were taken . They suppress the memories . I remember my own experiences , and my mother has been able to since she had her stroke . " " I was just reading an article a friend of mine got off the Internet . " Muriel indicated some papers on the coffee table . " About this woman who got hypnotized as part of a program to stop smoking . While the doctor was hypnotizing her , she had a flashback of being abducted . The doctor never believed in it before , but he says after that , he thought it had to be real , because he did a bunch more sessions with her and she remembered all kinds of things . It turned out she 'd been abducted like fourteen times . " The hill to the preserver 's house was steep and sandy , no obstacle to the brown woman making her way up it . She trudged against the grade , her eyes focused on the bit of hill ahead of her . The child , however , glanced up frequently , perhaps watching how the sky , dark with promised rain , leaned down over the yellow stones of the building . Every third or fourth step , the child stumbled and the woman wrenched its arm to keep it upright . The preserver shook his head when the woman and child reached the portico . It had been many years since he had been willing to provide for a muddauber 's funeral . He mentioned the name of another preserver whose price was more likely to be attainable , and the woman said , " Ain 't here for that . Looking to find a place for my girl . " Under the layers of dirt , the child was female then . " I didn 't know as whether you could use her as a prentice . " The woman laughed , and then the laugh turned into a deep , bubbling cough . " I don 't mean to sell her . You can have her , if you 'll feed her . It 's all the reason she stays near me . You can hear that soon enough I won 't be in the way of doing that . " When she returned from the market , the girl parroted back the prices she had been told . Her face was also relatively clean . The preserver sent her to carry twig bundles to build up the fires under the nitrate vats . She did it without question , her small dirty feet busy . When she finished , he sent her into the dry room to take a message to his assistant . The message said only , " Tell me what she does when she sees the bodies . " Her reaction was not even curiosity . Living on the river , she had probably seen bodies . They were likely nothing to her , although they were everything to the preserver . She looked perhaps five and the preserver guessed she might be as much as eight . When offered food , she ate enough for two . After she ate , he put a blanket under the front table , where he received bodies in the first step toward preservation . The girl lay down on it , but her eyes were tirelessly watchful . Perhaps she expected some encroachment from him , and left on her own , she likely would have been in the hands of a pimp within a day or two . Such things happened , but the preserver had no interest in them . He saw beauty only in the dead . The girl was a pair of hands and feet to him , someone who might do work and so earn money . Nor was his assistant interested in the living , although his passion for the dead went more deeply . So , the girl slept unmolested , and in the morning , the preserver frowned when she told him her name : October . " What about Tulip ? " The assistant did not have the benefit of the preserver 's records , but in his mind he kept a list of those for whom he had felt something special . So in that way , was he made to feel a bit of fondness for the muddauber girl . She was called Tulip and each time he heard the name , he thought of that lovely girl , just sixteen , with soft lips , who had died of a snake bite . Her left leg had been swollen and black , a grotesque of flesh , until it was properly lanced and drained and pressed and painted . Once she was perfected all over , she had gone to the vats , where the assistant 's love for her faded , and the preserver 's love was born . But serve & protect ? When your boss tells you to do something this shameful & cruel , the answer needs to be NO . Sto … twitter . com / i / web / status / 8 … 2 hours ago He 's not just a taxpayer . He works at job that supports education AND where he once saved someone else 's life with … twitter . com / i / web / status / 8 … 19 hours ago Real facts . This is what Medicaid : saves lives , cares for chronically ill , saves people from bankruptcy . twitter . com / bobozier / statu … 19 hours ago Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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After a 32 - hour trip with baby , I got 5 hours of sleep in a cheap hotel and then woke up and showered . My first morning in America in 9 years , and there is no hot water . Strangely , I wasn 't at all angry , since it kind of matched my mood . The Indian immigrants that owned the Airline Blvd Econolodge were really nice . As an expat living on the skinny , I even identified with them . Having lived for 12 years in a country whose language I had to learn from scratch , I did not mind at all that the night manager was nearly incomprehensible . I thanked him for his kindness and promptness in picking us up the night before , knowing full well that it was not an exception . A cheerful woman in a sari was cleaning rooms when we left , and it was obvious that the family pretty much did everything here . I told her how much I appreciated the very late pickup , and how relieved I was to find a place to stay , and she smiled with genuine joy and said , " that 's nice to hear . " The motel was cheap and dirty with no hot water , but it was safe . It was a place with lockable doors and lights , and it had housed my father , wife , and son . I was truly grateful . Dad , in spite of his condition , was driving . He was driving because it was easier for him to get into the driver 's side of the car . Simple as that . There was also my disorientation about driving on the right side of the road . Highway 78 from Airline Boulevard was just sleazy . I chuckled at seeing a run - down building with a huge sign advertising " China Buffet Truck Parking . " Just at this moment , Dad lifts his eyebrows and says " Mmm , China Buffet , " and he is absolutely serious , offering it as an enticing alternative . For breakfast , we stopped at one of Dad 's favorite restaurants - Waffle House . We sat in a booth because Dad needed the wider seat just to fit himself on . I was impressed by how far American restaurants have come in accommodating the disabled . The doors were big enough for Dad to get through , and even the bathroom was like a barn , or so it seemed to me , coming from super - compact Japan . The booth was next to the grills and stoves where the food was prepared . There was a loud , young black woman who seemed to run the show . She was large , tall and stocky , and she had numerous tattoos of handwriting - in cursive , no less - up and down her neck and arms . I did not and still do not understand the significance of these tattoos , but they seemed to mean something . They were not artistic at all . She talked freely and often with the customers , two of whom were evidently regulars . At the grill was a much shorter , rounder young black woman who seemed to be on good terms with the bossy one . She was talking on a cell phone as she cooked the food in an efficient and easy manner . It was impressive how she could get away with all this , but it was not my place to say anything . Then there was a much skinnier , smaller black girl and a round , blonde white girl waitressing . They were obviously very scared of the boss . The blonde white girl was actually shaking very badly most of the time , but I suspect that she might have been in some kind of drug withdrawal or maybe just alcoholic shakes . Her teeth looked terrible , so I suspected it might have been meth , but who knows . I don 't like to assume the worst , but she was obviously not doing well , and the teeth , the bags under the eyes , and the yellow complexion made substance abuse much more likely than some neurological disorder . Last , there was Grandmaw , or at least she was somebody 's Grandmaw . She was probably in her late fifties or above , and she was completely oblivious to the other workers . Of course , she coordinated orders , asked for things , and served , and she was directing the waitresses on what to give to whom and when , but she was not at all in the circuit of intimidation and fear that the boss girl had set up . It seemed almost like Grandmaw didn 't notice this very palpable set of power dynamics . My father , for his part , was oblivious , too . He ordered his favorite burger and a side of hash browns . He asked for extra pickles , and when Grandmaw brought them , he thanked her and said that extra pickles is one of those little pleasures . She told him to take his time and enjoy his food . He replied , " Oh , I always take my time . I don 't like to rush through my food . You have to enjoy life while you have it . That 's what I say . " My wife looked over to me for translation , and I made a face to indicate that interpretation at this moment was not an option . The boss girl was detailing how she made so - and - so regret ever coming in here for a job , and the shaky white girl brought me more coffee . I was impressed that , 12 years after I left the USA , you can now get decaf with free refills at Waffle House . Dad rearranged the pickles on the meat so that they perfectly cover the beef patty , giving him an ideal combination with every bite . " You know , you can have your lots of stuff , but if you can 't enjoy it , it doesn 't mean much . I just want to enjoy what I got and live my days as best I can . " The skinny black girl drops a cup on the counter , but it doesn 't break , and boss girl glances her way . At this point , a gray - haired , moustached man of about my father 's age got out of his customized pickup and came in . He was definitely southern and country , with cowboy shirt , boots and hat , but he was slender and healthy , standing on his own , looking about purposefully , and carrying a cell phone on his belt . He was independent and employed . He might have been the owner of a small business or perhaps something to do with low - level industry . He had that air about him , and he looked like Dad . Or rather , he looked like Dad would look if he were not in such bad shape . I felt guilty because I imagined what life would be like if Dad was like this - healthy , purposeful , independent , and mobile . This guy 's kids probably recieve money from him , rather than the other way around . But it was not money that I envied . It was certainty , freedom from doubt and guilt . This guy was in charge and probably carrying quite a few people on his own , both at work and at home . He was probably a good guy to go to for advice in certain things . I can 't say that I would ask Dad 's advice . The thing that really made me feel kind of short - changed was knowing that this guy 's kids never had to ask themselves if they are doing enough for him . They never had to decide how much to sacrifice for him , what they would have to do to help him . He was strong and on his own , and his children are free . But that is rot , to think that way , and I turned my attention back to the diner drama unfolding . Grandmaw was still serving other customers and keeping the conversation going , " That 's the best way . I don 't want none of them luxury things they got on the home shopping TV , none of them bags and jewelry . I like to just do my own thing and take my time . " " Yeah , the teeth fell right out of ' em . Sorry - ass way to live , ain 't it ? I 'm missin ' teeth in my false teeth , " and he chuckled . " Sorta like getting a wooden leg amputated , ain 't it ? You might say I done hit rock bottom . I 'm mostly paralyzed in my right hand , so I can 't even jerk off , I 'm so fat I ain 't seen my pecker in years , I can 't walk , can 't work , and can 't get around , and I 'm married to a crazy woman . But you know , there is always hope . " And he leans in with a conspiratorial whisper , " I am working my way to ambidexterity , if you know what I mean . " And he grinned , the missing teeth at irregular positions , suggesting some kind of meaning , like a coded message . The door opened , and a young , plump white woman with dye - black hair , a colorful butterfly tattoo on her neck and several piercings all over her head came in . She was very fair and clear - skinned . She even looked healthy . She asked for a job application , and the boss girl gave it to her with a raised eyebrow . The butterfly goth girl went outside again , and Grandmaw was at a different table serving . While the goth girl was outside filling in the form , the regulars at the bar got more coffee and asked if it would take long to teach her who is boss . Though she had been talking almost non - stop up until this point , the boss girl 's tone quickly changed , and she was quiet " Won 't take long . Never does , " she answered and started silently wiping the counter as though it were part of her reply . Well - oiled and queazy , we made our way back to Oxford . I drove , and it was difficult to stay awake on those straight , deserted country highways . I swerved a couple of times , but there was nothing to hit , and everyone else was asleep . When we arrived at Dad 's house , we went in to greet my step - mother B . She had taken an interest in decorating , and there were wooden posts of technicolor deer and gnomes stuck in the lawn . Each one only cost 2 dollars at Walmart , and it made her feel happy . She had succeeded in purchasing . She was an agent in commercial transactions . She was participating in the world . The white front door to the house had " NO SMOKING - OXYGEN " written in flourescent orange block letters in the middle . The letters , however , were partially obscured by plastic vines and artificial flowers that had been nailed to the outside of the door . More decorating . She said that the vines really " bring out " the front of the house . Wife and the baby stayed in the car for the time being because the baby was still nursing and half - asleep . I tried to help Dad out of the car and to the house , but Dad told me to go on ahead , that he would take his time . My stepmother was eager to see me , he said . We got to Chicago , and everybody is hungry . We needed to find something the baby could eat , so we went to a Chinese place because they had plain rice . I asked the people behind the counter if the rice was plain , and the servers were openly hostile . When I finally order , the woman waiting on me literally tosses the styrofoam box on the counter . Welcome back to American customer service . When we finally got on a plane headed for Memphis , it was almost 11 at night , and we got to Memphis near midnight . The airport was empty , and the other passengers left quickly . The stalls were closed , and even the security guards were gone . There was one passenger there waiting for a hotel shuttle to pick him up , and then there was us . After he left , we were alone . I gathered the bags near the door and scanned the parking lot . So there I was with a wife who doesn 't speak English , a baby in a sling over my shoulder who doesn 't speak much of anything , a backpack , and two suitcases , and no one was here to pick us up . I called my Dad 's home , but there was no answer . When I called from Chicago , my stepmother B had told me that Dad would wait in the car in the handicapped section . There were a lot of handicapped spaces , and I ran around between them trying to remember what his car looked like . I was caught in a dilemma . If I went to a hotel , it would be like abandoning my father , because he would be left there waiting for us when he arrived , and we did not have a way to contact him . He is handicapped , so he would be sitting there looking for us . However , it was 1 : 30 in the morning , and I was in a seedy city , loaded down with luggage , and I had a 1 - year - old baby strapped in a sling on my chest . I felt vulnerable , and I was responsible for all three of us . R did not even speak English well - enough to recognize threats , and I had to make a decision . This was the beginning of a change in my self - image , particularly regarding my feelings of responsibility for my father 's welfare . I was a father now , and that takes precedence over being a son . I called the first hotel I could find at the free hotel phone at the airport . The night manager answered the phone , and though his English was barely comprehensible , he agreed to come and get us . The hotel was owned by an Indian family , and the night manager was probably the father . His English was probably too poor to do the day shift , but he was gentle , quiet , and direct . I thanked him , paid the bill in advance , and got R and the baby settled in the room . I had only 12 USD , so I called Dad 's house to see what was up . According to my step - mother , my father had left an hour ago , and he was on his way . As we left the airport in the hotel shuttle , I remembered seeing a small red light in a parked car far from the handicapped spaces that I had checked . I wondered if Dad was in that cold car , waiting in his silent , gentle way , eating vanilla wafers or fig newtons from a zip - lock bag . After getting R and the baby settled in , I talked to the night manager , explained the situation best I could - that my father had come to pick us up but that I could not find him - and told him that I need to go and look for Dad . He misunderstood and thought that I was trying to cancel the room . I assured him that I was not asking for my money back . I just needed a cab . The cab cost 10 USD , leaving me 2 USD . . . not enough to return to the hotel . I decided I would have to walk back to the hotel if Dad was not there , so I tried to remember the way we took to the airport . I arrived on the upper parking lot , but there was no one there , so I went down to the lower floor , near arrivals , and there was a car waiting right by the doors in a handicapped space . I did not recognize my own father at first . I could not believe it was him sitting in that car . It was not just age but also the injuries and the increased weight . His white , curly hair had grown down to his shoulders , and his beard was wispy and long . He was patiently sitting at the wheel . Understandably , he did not get out of the car to greet me . Our greeting was brief and practical , even dry . I was under too much stress and trying to manage too many things to be affectionate . There was just too much to do . I had to find the way back to the hotel , which was not easy , and I was trying to accept my father 's present condition , but the shock was so great that I just put feelings aside and managed the situation . When we arrived at the hotel and Dad shuffled in with his walker , R had cleaned and fed the baby and was waiting for us . This always amazed me about her . She was from a nice middle - class family , and as our relationship progressed , I let her into the Faulkner - esque stories of where I was from , and she never flinched . She never looked down on me for it . She never ran away . And now , in this situation , she had everything set up for grandpa to meet the baby for the first time . The lights were on , she was smiling , and the baby was happy and bright - eyed . It was as picture - perfect as it could be . We introduced the baby and held him up so Dad could put his arms around him . While Dad 's hip injury was very bad , his increased weight complicated the matter , making moving around and even sitting very difficult . We helped him hold the baby , and my son pulled his hair and beard . I was past 3 in the morning , and the room had double beds , so I asked Dad to sleep there with us . He called his wife , and amazingly she insisted that we all pack up and go back immediately so that Dad could be there to take care of her . His wife B was like that . She was the stone around his neck , and much of the things I have had to overcome began with their marriage when I was six . Life could have been much different for everyone had they parted . But Dad refused her this time . It was better for all of us to go back to Oxford together the next day . Dad asked me to bring his bottle from the car , a wide - mouthed milk jug . He found it difficult to get to the bathroom sometimes . My wife and I sandwiched the baby between us . For the first time , there were three generations of my family in the room . I felt pitiful and rushed , because in spite of having lost 10 years supporting my father , he was in this state , barely shuffling around the room and peeing in a bottle , and he was not even 60 years old yet . I had made very little of my ten years , professionally , and Dad was barely living , too . Not much for me to feel proud about there . But Dad was simple , honest , and direct . Above all , he was kind and good - natured . The pain he was in never came out as anger or even grouchiness . He told me what he needed , and he did what he could . Now he was twitching as he slept , and his breathing stopped and started in fits . I had arrived in America for the first time in 9 years . I had brought my son back to my roots and my family for the first time . I had come full circle , and as I lay in that dark room , listening to the sounds of my father struggling to breathe , my son suckling and cooing , and the heater murmuring , I felt like I was performing a kind of ritual . This was certainly not a happy homecoming , and it was definitely not a vacation . No one would call this restful or fun . This was a right of passage for me , bringing my past into contact with my present , and in doing so , helping me to realize how far I have come and then let go of the past altogether . We woke up early to get the cab to the airport . The apartment had been prepared for departure , and our luggage was logically grouped so that we could concentrate on the baby and leave . Before we left , R had the idea that we should measure ourselves and write a little goal for the trip . I wrote that I would look into graduate schools ; R , that she would eat something really delicious . We gave N the goal of having fun with his American relatives . While waiting to board , I saw the pilot at Miyazaki airport open the window to wipe the windshield with a little spray bottle and rag . In system administration , there are people using paper clips to patch cables and fix keyboards , but I thought jet planes would be more . . . high tech and careful . Is opening that window a good idea ? I thought that aviation would be an alchemy of momentum and thrust , balance and lift , but there is the pilot leaning out the window of the cockpit to clean his windshield . We are heading to Tokyo on a plane with what appears to be about over 100 students from Nichinan Agriculture and Forestry High School . For most of them , this is probably their first trip to Tokyo and maybe even their first time on a plane . As we waited at the gate to board , the baby was a big star . Some of the female students asked to have their pictures taken with him . I don 't blame them . He is terribly cute . In the cabin , businesspeople , jaded to the whole act of flying , read the news of the arrest of Livedoor 's president Horiuchi as we lift off . Most closed their eyes or read their planners while right past their elbow was the miracle of flight . The high school students squealed and applauded at liftoff , as well they should . They have much to look forward to , both long - and short - term , as they are on their way to Tokyo , Japan 's Land of Oz . It is a shame that the business commuters continued to be unimpressed with flight , even as the shadows of clouds majestically drifted across the sea . In contrast to excited teens and jaded commuters , my 1 - year - old son nursed a bit and then went right to sleep . He had no idea that we are aboard the grand machine he loves to point to in picture books . We live near the airport , and he loves to find airplanes when they pass overhead , pointing to them and saying , " airplane " and " hikouki bun - bun . " Before boarding , he was enthralled by the sight of real airplanes dwarfing the people scurrying about below them . However , he did not realize that he was in one , probably because we boarded through a tunnel , not seeing the outside of the plane . It does not look the same from the inside . As for myself , I was in another state , another place of mind . While I was enjoying the novelty of my first trip home in nine years , I was not thinking of myself or my interests and desires at all , only of the wife and child that I had to care for . I would be responsible for navigating and translating the whole time , and I had to get my mind in order . I like to watch people , though . The business flyers carried on with their newspapers , and it was fun to catch the flight attendant reading the front page of the man in the first row . . . a glimpse of the human behind the uniform . I am always pleased to find these moments , to peek through the role at the person playing it : the extra dab of foundation to cover a pimple , the note written on a backhand or thumb , the fashion magazine clipping sticking out of a uniform pocket . The fashion magazine clipping was a fun discovery . I was on a business trip to Fukuoka a long time ago , looking at Epson printers at the showroom there . The woman attending to me was perfectly ordered and polite , extremely businesslike . I was impressed at the time , because this was the big city of Fukuoka , and she was perfect - conservatively beautiful and poised , never stuttering , never pausing from her perfect speech rhythm and polite Japanese . But then I noticed a face sticking out of the pocket of her uniform . I made a joke about it being a lucky charm or photographic proof of ghosts . It turns out that she was considering making this her next hairstyle for her sister 's wedding the next weekend . It was a wonderful moment , as she blushed and suddenly became a person , not a function . Her tone changed , and her polite Japanese become a little warmer , her movements a little more casual . A few levels of politeness fell away like someone peeling back layer after layer of lace curtains . The flight attendant on the Japanese domestic flights were like that , too . They are completely immersed in their role , and finding that person behind the role , the human being performing a function , is very difficult . Catching a flight attendant reading a passenger 's newspaper made me feel somehow privileged . These moments remind us that people performing these functions are just that , performing . We call them occupations because they occupy our time . The actions and functions inhabit our days , hours , our entire lives . But we also " occupy " a job or position in the same way that we occupy space or a home . We learn the content of that position and fill that space . The flight attendant occupies her rear - facing chair , her perfect make - up and poise presented to the passengers as a human interface to the airline itself . Not even the most traditional old - world gentleman would offer to help her serve apple juice and chilled green tea , because she occupies that role . She has filled the position , and the position is full of her . The transition from All Nippon Airlines to United was a culture shock . ANA flight attendants are like precision instruments : even if the attendant is not young and beautiful , she ( always she ) is perfect and poised in her role , with no self - consciousness about performing a job . In Japan , even young hooligans with pierced noses and dyed blue hair are perfectly - mannered when on duty at the fast - food shop or pub . The individual never interferes with the role . No matter where you go in Japan , clerks , waitresses , and attendants are their roles , and little evidence of their individuality is visible when they are on duty . The Japanese do not seem to have the same embarrassment about being absorbed by a role or job . The United flight attendants , unlike the All Japan stewardesses , were male and female , and they were older than the All Japan stewardesses . . . much older . They were stately , round , and mellow , and their approach to the job was not one of filling a role and becoming the job . They were doing the job , and they were doing it well , but they were bringing their own style to it , making each attendant different , with a distinct character . Each one of them brought a part of him - or herself to the job . and each colored the job itself rather than blending in , chameleon - like , to the color of the job . One matronly attendant had a broad Massachusetts accent and gave passengers suggestions like she was giving advice on good living . Another was a precise older man with a mid - Western accent , and his style was matter - of - fact and clean . In this paradigm , you are doing the job because you have chosen to do so . Our NTT landline phone almost never rings . We use our cell phones for everything , so a landline call means something out of the ordinary has happened . My wife answered the phone , and I heard her say " Yes ? " and look for me . Something was up . It was my mother . My stepfather had died only 10 minutes ago . He had been unconscious for a week before that , " So it 's not like it was a surprise . " She would call me when she had more information , but what more information could there be ? After she hung up , I checked Skype . Mom had been trying to get me on Skype and had left me a voice recording . " It 's your mother . Call me when get this , " and then there was a rustling and a thump , and then her voice was farther away , muffled . There was a rhythmic , repetitive whining and hissing , like the beginning of a techno track . I could hear her in the background , " I knew I wouldn 't be able to reach him . He must be at work or something . He lives in Okinawa Japan , so he 's in the middle of the Pacific . Might be something with the connection . " And then a man 's voice , very close , grunting in agreement , and then another man 's voice , farther away , near Mom . The close grunting continued , out of sync with Mom 's voice . I recognized him . It was my stepfather , unconscious . Mom had left Skype recording and dropped the iPad onto the bed . I looked at the screen . The message was 10 minutes long , the limit for Skype . I almost stopped the playback . No one intended for me to hear the rest , but I continued to listen like a morbid voyeur , eavesdropping on him . Mediated by technology and shifted in time , I was lying next to a dying man , and I could hear him groaning and mumbling like a sleep - talker . His verbalizations were a strange , rhythmic commentary to the conversations in the background . The man talking to Mom had a deep voice and a Louisiana accent - probably my step - brother . I haven 't seen him for twenty years , so I don 't know his voice , but that was probably him , behind the air pumps and the sudden gasps . Mom continued , " It sounds like he 's tryin ' to wake up , but I don 't think he 's in pain . We gave him so much morphine . " Then there was a woman 's voice , and that of a child , a girl . It must be the daughter of my step - sister . They had come to see grandpa . " I never saw him hit his children , or mine , either . He didn 't throw chairs or punch holes in walls , never hit a child , or me . More than I can say for a lotta men . " Then the rising tone and languid pace of a child 's timid questioning , and Mom replies , " Gotta let him rest , honey . Gotta let him rest . " More inaudible , distant talking , and then , " No , he wasn 't angry at you all that time . He was just hurtin ' . " I have never seen or heard my mother cry or break down , though I am sure she must have at some point . I was waiting to hear her choke up , to weaken . I thought I would hear her voice drop as she started to cry , but no . Not in the recording , at least . She was as she had always been - deadpan , matter - of - fact , and unsentimental . . . resolved . " There 's some bad people in this world , and sometimes bad shit happens , but you gotta just keep on keepin ' on . " That was her outlook on life . Life is hard , and perseverance and dignity in the face of misfortune is the measure of a person 's virtue . At some point , I could only hear distant thuds , and then the voices went away . I was left alone with him , just the two of us . I could imagine him there , inert but for the movement of his chest and throat , and next to him , I am craning my ear close to the PC speaker , listening intently . In that moment , we are in his time , and I am a ghost , eavesdropping from just a few hours in the future , when he no longer will be . I listen with a mixture of shame and duty , like a time - shifted priest or an archeologist , until the recording ends , and he is silent .
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After a 32 - hour trip with baby , I got 5 hours of sleep in a cheap hotel and then woke up and showered . My first morning in America in 9 years , and there is no hot water . Strangely , I wasn 't at all angry , since it kind of matched my mood . The Indian immigrants that owned the Airline Blvd Econolodge were really nice . As an expat living on the skinny , I even identified with them . Having lived for 12 years in a country whose language I had to learn from scratch , I did not mind at all that the night manager was nearly incomprehensible . I thanked him for his kindness and promptness in picking us up the night before , knowing full well that it was not an exception . A cheerful woman in a sari was cleaning rooms when we left , and it was obvious that the family pretty much did everything here . I told her how much I appreciated the very late pickup , and how relieved I was to find a place to stay , and she smiled with genuine joy and said , " that 's nice to hear . " The motel was cheap and dirty with no hot water , but it was safe . It was a place with lockable doors and lights , and it had housed my father , wife , and son . I was truly grateful . Dad , in spite of his condition , was driving . He was driving because it was easier for him to get into the driver 's side of the car . Simple as that . There was also my disorientation about driving on the right side of the road . Highway 78 from Airline Boulevard was just sleazy . I chuckled at seeing a run - down building with a huge sign advertising " China Buffet Truck Parking . " Just at this moment , Dad lifts his eyebrows and says " Mmm , China Buffet , " and he is absolutely serious , offering it as an enticing alternative . For breakfast , we stopped at one of Dad 's favorite restaurants - Waffle House . We sat in a booth because Dad needed the wider seat just to fit himself on . I was impressed by how far American restaurants have come in accommodating the disabled . The doors were big enough for Dad to get through , and even the bathroom was like a barn , or so it seemed to me , coming from super - compact Japan . The booth was next to the grills and stoves where the food was prepared . There was a loud , young black woman who seemed to run the show . She was large , tall and stocky , and she had numerous tattoos of handwriting - in cursive , no less - up and down her neck and arms . I did not and still do not understand the significance of these tattoos , but they seemed to mean something . They were not artistic at all . She talked freely and often with the customers , two of whom were evidently regulars . At the grill was a much shorter , rounder young black woman who seemed to be on good terms with the bossy one . She was talking on a cell phone as she cooked the food in an efficient and easy manner . It was impressive how she could get away with all this , but it was not my place to say anything . Then there was a much skinnier , smaller black girl and a round , blonde white girl waitressing . They were obviously very scared of the boss . The blonde white girl was actually shaking very badly most of the time , but I suspect that she might have been in some kind of drug withdrawal or maybe just alcoholic shakes . Her teeth looked terrible , so I suspected it might have been meth , but who knows . I don 't like to assume the worst , but she was obviously not doing well , and the teeth , the bags under the eyes , and the yellow complexion made substance abuse much more likely than some neurological disorder . Last , there was Grandmaw , or at least she was somebody 's Grandmaw . She was probably in her late fifties or above , and she was completely oblivious to the other workers . Of course , she coordinated orders , asked for things , and served , and she was directing the waitresses on what to give to whom and when , but she was not at all in the circuit of intimidation and fear that the boss girl had set up . It seemed almost like Grandmaw didn 't notice this very palpable set of power dynamics . My father , for his part , was oblivious , too . He ordered his favorite burger and a side of hash browns . He asked for extra pickles , and when Grandmaw brought them , he thanked her and said that extra pickles is one of those little pleasures . She told him to take his time and enjoy his food . He replied , " Oh , I always take my time . I don 't like to rush through my food . You have to enjoy life while you have it . That 's what I say . " My wife looked over to me for translation , and I made a face to indicate that interpretation at this moment was not an option . The boss girl was detailing how she made so - and - so regret ever coming in here for a job , and the shaky white girl brought me more coffee . I was impressed that , 12 years after I left the USA , you can now get decaf with free refills at Waffle House . Dad rearranged the pickles on the meat so that they perfectly cover the beef patty , giving him an ideal combination with every bite . " You know , you can have your lots of stuff , but if you can 't enjoy it , it doesn 't mean much . I just want to enjoy what I got and live my days as best I can . " The skinny black girl drops a cup on the counter , but it doesn 't break , and boss girl glances her way . At this point , a gray - haired , moustached man of about my father 's age got out of his customized pickup and came in . He was definitely southern and country , with cowboy shirt , boots and hat , but he was slender and healthy , standing on his own , looking about purposefully , and carrying a cell phone on his belt . He was independent and employed . He might have been the owner of a small business or perhaps something to do with low - level industry . He had that air about him , and he looked like Dad . Or rather , he looked like Dad would look if he were not in such bad shape . I felt guilty because I imagined what life would be like if Dad was like this - healthy , purposeful , independent , and mobile . This guy 's kids probably recieve money from him , rather than the other way around . But it was not money that I envied . It was certainty , freedom from doubt and guilt . This guy was in charge and probably carrying quite a few people on his own , both at work and at home . He was probably a good guy to go to for advice in certain things . I can 't say that I would ask Dad 's advice . The thing that really made me feel kind of short - changed was knowing that this guy 's kids never had to ask themselves if they are doing enough for him . They never had to decide how much to sacrifice for him , what they would have to do to help him . He was strong and on his own , and his children are free . But that is rot , to think that way , and I turned my attention back to the diner drama unfolding . Grandmaw was still serving other customers and keeping the conversation going , " That 's the best way . I don 't want none of them luxury things they got on the home shopping TV , none of them bags and jewelry . I like to just do my own thing and take my time . " " Yeah , the teeth fell right out of ' em . Sorry - ass way to live , ain 't it ? I 'm missin ' teeth in my false teeth , " and he chuckled . " Sorta like getting a wooden leg amputated , ain 't it ? You might say I done hit rock bottom . I 'm mostly paralyzed in my right hand , so I can 't even jerk off , I 'm so fat I ain 't seen my pecker in years , I can 't walk , can 't work , and can 't get around , and I 'm married to a crazy woman . But you know , there is always hope . " And he leans in with a conspiratorial whisper , " I am working my way to ambidexterity , if you know what I mean . " And he grinned , the missing teeth at irregular positions , suggesting some kind of meaning , like a coded message . The door opened , and a young , plump white woman with dye - black hair , a colorful butterfly tattoo on her neck and several piercings all over her head came in . She was very fair and clear - skinned . She even looked healthy . She asked for a job application , and the boss girl gave it to her with a raised eyebrow . The butterfly goth girl went outside again , and Grandmaw was at a different table serving . While the goth girl was outside filling in the form , the regulars at the bar got more coffee and asked if it would take long to teach her who is boss . Though she had been talking almost non - stop up until this point , the boss girl 's tone quickly changed , and she was quiet " Won 't take long . Never does , " she answered and started silently wiping the counter as though it were part of her reply . Well - oiled and queazy , we made our way back to Oxford . I drove , and it was difficult to stay awake on those straight , deserted country highways . I swerved a couple of times , but there was nothing to hit , and everyone else was asleep . When we arrived at Dad 's house , we went in to greet my step - mother B . She had taken an interest in decorating , and there were wooden posts of technicolor deer and gnomes stuck in the lawn . Each one only cost 2 dollars at Walmart , and it made her feel happy . She had succeeded in purchasing . She was an agent in commercial transactions . She was participating in the world . The white front door to the house had " NO SMOKING - OXYGEN " written in flourescent orange block letters in the middle . The letters , however , were partially obscured by plastic vines and artificial flowers that had been nailed to the outside of the door . More decorating . She said that the vines really " bring out " the front of the house . Wife and the baby stayed in the car for the time being because the baby was still nursing and half - asleep . I tried to help Dad out of the car and to the house , but Dad told me to go on ahead , that he would take his time . My stepmother was eager to see me , he said . We got to Chicago , and everybody is hungry . We needed to find something the baby could eat , so we went to a Chinese place because they had plain rice . I asked the people behind the counter if the rice was plain , and the servers were openly hostile . When I finally order , the woman waiting on me literally tosses the styrofoam box on the counter . Welcome back to American customer service . When we finally got on a plane headed for Memphis , it was almost 11 at night , and we got to Memphis near midnight . The airport was empty , and the other passengers left quickly . The stalls were closed , and even the security guards were gone . There was one passenger there waiting for a hotel shuttle to pick him up , and then there was us . After he left , we were alone . I gathered the bags near the door and scanned the parking lot . So there I was with a wife who doesn 't speak English , a baby in a sling over my shoulder who doesn 't speak much of anything , a backpack , and two suitcases , and no one was here to pick us up . I called my Dad 's home , but there was no answer . When I called from Chicago , my stepmother B had told me that Dad would wait in the car in the handicapped section . There were a lot of handicapped spaces , and I ran around between them trying to remember what his car looked like . I was caught in a dilemma . If I went to a hotel , it would be like abandoning my father , because he would be left there waiting for us when he arrived , and we did not have a way to contact him . He is handicapped , so he would be sitting there looking for us . However , it was 1 : 30 in the morning , and I was in a seedy city , loaded down with luggage , and I had a 1 - year - old baby strapped in a sling on my chest . I felt vulnerable , and I was responsible for all three of us . R did not even speak English well - enough to recognize threats , and I had to make a decision . This was the beginning of a change in my self - image , particularly regarding my feelings of responsibility for my father 's welfare . I was a father now , and that takes precedence over being a son . I called the first hotel I could find at the free hotel phone at the airport . The night manager answered the phone , and though his English was barely comprehensible , he agreed to come and get us . The hotel was owned by an Indian family , and the night manager was probably the father . His English was probably too poor to do the day shift , but he was gentle , quiet , and direct . I thanked him , paid the bill in advance , and got R and the baby settled in the room . I had only 12 USD , so I called Dad 's house to see what was up . According to my step - mother , my father had left an hour ago , and he was on his way . As we left the airport in the hotel shuttle , I remembered seeing a small red light in a parked car far from the handicapped spaces that I had checked . I wondered if Dad was in that cold car , waiting in his silent , gentle way , eating vanilla wafers or fig newtons from a zip - lock bag . After getting R and the baby settled in , I talked to the night manager , explained the situation best I could - that my father had come to pick us up but that I could not find him - and told him that I need to go and look for Dad . He misunderstood and thought that I was trying to cancel the room . I assured him that I was not asking for my money back . I just needed a cab . The cab cost 10 USD , leaving me 2 USD . . . not enough to return to the hotel . I decided I would have to walk back to the hotel if Dad was not there , so I tried to remember the way we took to the airport . I arrived on the upper parking lot , but there was no one there , so I went down to the lower floor , near arrivals , and there was a car waiting right by the doors in a handicapped space . I did not recognize my own father at first . I could not believe it was him sitting in that car . It was not just age but also the injuries and the increased weight . His white , curly hair had grown down to his shoulders , and his beard was wispy and long . He was patiently sitting at the wheel . Understandably , he did not get out of the car to greet me . Our greeting was brief and practical , even dry . I was under too much stress and trying to manage too many things to be affectionate . There was just too much to do . I had to find the way back to the hotel , which was not easy , and I was trying to accept my father 's present condition , but the shock was so great that I just put feelings aside and managed the situation . When we arrived at the hotel and Dad shuffled in with his walker , R had cleaned and fed the baby and was waiting for us . This always amazed me about her . She was from a nice middle - class family , and as our relationship progressed , I let her into the Faulkner - esque stories of where I was from , and she never flinched . She never looked down on me for it . She never ran away . And now , in this situation , she had everything set up for grandpa to meet the baby for the first time . The lights were on , she was smiling , and the baby was happy and bright - eyed . It was as picture - perfect as it could be . We introduced the baby and held him up so Dad could put his arms around him . While Dad 's hip injury was very bad , his increased weight complicated the matter , making moving around and even sitting very difficult . We helped him hold the baby , and my son pulled his hair and beard . I was past 3 in the morning , and the room had double beds , so I asked Dad to sleep there with us . He called his wife , and amazingly she insisted that we all pack up and go back immediately so that Dad could be there to take care of her . His wife B was like that . She was the stone around his neck , and much of the things I have had to overcome began with their marriage when I was six . Life could have been much different for everyone had they parted . But Dad refused her this time . It was better for all of us to go back to Oxford together the next day . Dad asked me to bring his bottle from the car , a wide - mouthed milk jug . He found it difficult to get to the bathroom sometimes . My wife and I sandwiched the baby between us . For the first time , there were three generations of my family in the room . I felt pitiful and rushed , because in spite of having lost 10 years supporting my father , he was in this state , barely shuffling around the room and peeing in a bottle , and he was not even 60 years old yet . I had made very little of my ten years , professionally , and Dad was barely living , too . Not much for me to feel proud about there . But Dad was simple , honest , and direct . Above all , he was kind and good - natured . The pain he was in never came out as anger or even grouchiness . He told me what he needed , and he did what he could . Now he was twitching as he slept , and his breathing stopped and started in fits . I had arrived in America for the first time in 9 years . I had brought my son back to my roots and my family for the first time . I had come full circle , and as I lay in that dark room , listening to the sounds of my father struggling to breathe , my son suckling and cooing , and the heater murmuring , I felt like I was performing a kind of ritual . This was certainly not a happy homecoming , and it was definitely not a vacation . No one would call this restful or fun . This was a right of passage for me , bringing my past into contact with my present , and in doing so , helping me to realize how far I have come and then let go of the past altogether . We woke up early to get the cab to the airport . The apartment had been prepared for departure , and our luggage was logically grouped so that we could concentrate on the baby and leave . Before we left , R had the idea that we should measure ourselves and write a little goal for the trip . I wrote that I would look into graduate schools ; R , that she would eat something really delicious . We gave N the goal of having fun with his American relatives . While waiting to board , I saw the pilot at Miyazaki airport open the window to wipe the windshield with a little spray bottle and rag . In system administration , there are people using paper clips to patch cables and fix keyboards , but I thought jet planes would be more . . . high tech and careful . Is opening that window a good idea ? I thought that aviation would be an alchemy of momentum and thrust , balance and lift , but there is the pilot leaning out the window of the cockpit to clean his windshield . We are heading to Tokyo on a plane with what appears to be about over 100 students from Nichinan Agriculture and Forestry High School . For most of them , this is probably their first trip to Tokyo and maybe even their first time on a plane . As we waited at the gate to board , the baby was a big star . Some of the female students asked to have their pictures taken with him . I don 't blame them . He is terribly cute . In the cabin , businesspeople , jaded to the whole act of flying , read the news of the arrest of Livedoor 's president Horiuchi as we lift off . Most closed their eyes or read their planners while right past their elbow was the miracle of flight . The high school students squealed and applauded at liftoff , as well they should . They have much to look forward to , both long - and short - term , as they are on their way to Tokyo , Japan 's Land of Oz . It is a shame that the business commuters continued to be unimpressed with flight , even as the shadows of clouds majestically drifted across the sea . In contrast to excited teens and jaded commuters , my 1 - year - old son nursed a bit and then went right to sleep . He had no idea that we are aboard the grand machine he loves to point to in picture books . We live near the airport , and he loves to find airplanes when they pass overhead , pointing to them and saying , " airplane " and " hikouki bun - bun . " Before boarding , he was enthralled by the sight of real airplanes dwarfing the people scurrying about below them . However , he did not realize that he was in one , probably because we boarded through a tunnel , not seeing the outside of the plane . It does not look the same from the inside . As for myself , I was in another state , another place of mind . While I was enjoying the novelty of my first trip home in nine years , I was not thinking of myself or my interests and desires at all , only of the wife and child that I had to care for . I would be responsible for navigating and translating the whole time , and I had to get my mind in order . I like to watch people , though . The business flyers carried on with their newspapers , and it was fun to catch the flight attendant reading the front page of the man in the first row . . . a glimpse of the human behind the uniform . I am always pleased to find these moments , to peek through the role at the person playing it : the extra dab of foundation to cover a pimple , the note written on a backhand or thumb , the fashion magazine clipping sticking out of a uniform pocket . The fashion magazine clipping was a fun discovery . I was on a business trip to Fukuoka a long time ago , looking at Epson printers at the showroom there . The woman attending to me was perfectly ordered and polite , extremely businesslike . I was impressed at the time , because this was the big city of Fukuoka , and she was perfect - conservatively beautiful and poised , never stuttering , never pausing from her perfect speech rhythm and polite Japanese . But then I noticed a face sticking out of the pocket of her uniform . I made a joke about it being a lucky charm or photographic proof of ghosts . It turns out that she was considering making this her next hairstyle for her sister 's wedding the next weekend . It was a wonderful moment , as she blushed and suddenly became a person , not a function . Her tone changed , and her polite Japanese become a little warmer , her movements a little more casual . A few levels of politeness fell away like someone peeling back layer after layer of lace curtains . The flight attendant on the Japanese domestic flights were like that , too . They are completely immersed in their role , and finding that person behind the role , the human being performing a function , is very difficult . Catching a flight attendant reading a passenger 's newspaper made me feel somehow privileged . These moments remind us that people performing these functions are just that , performing . We call them occupations because they occupy our time . The actions and functions inhabit our days , hours , our entire lives . But we also " occupy " a job or position in the same way that we occupy space or a home . We learn the content of that position and fill that space . The flight attendant occupies her rear - facing chair , her perfect make - up and poise presented to the passengers as a human interface to the airline itself . Not even the most traditional old - world gentleman would offer to help her serve apple juice and chilled green tea , because she occupies that role . She has filled the position , and the position is full of her . The transition from All Nippon Airlines to United was a culture shock . ANA flight attendants are like precision instruments : even if the attendant is not young and beautiful , she ( always she ) is perfect and poised in her role , with no self - consciousness about performing a job . In Japan , even young hooligans with pierced noses and dyed blue hair are perfectly - mannered when on duty at the fast - food shop or pub . The individual never interferes with the role . No matter where you go in Japan , clerks , waitresses , and attendants are their roles , and little evidence of their individuality is visible when they are on duty . The Japanese do not seem to have the same embarrassment about being absorbed by a role or job . The United flight attendants , unlike the All Japan stewardesses , were male and female , and they were older than the All Japan stewardesses . . . much older . They were stately , round , and mellow , and their approach to the job was not one of filling a role and becoming the job . They were doing the job , and they were doing it well , but they were bringing their own style to it , making each attendant different , with a distinct character . Each one of them brought a part of him - or herself to the job . and each colored the job itself rather than blending in , chameleon - like , to the color of the job . One matronly attendant had a broad Massachusetts accent and gave passengers suggestions like she was giving advice on good living . Another was a precise older man with a mid - Western accent , and his style was matter - of - fact and clean . In this paradigm , you are doing the job because you have chosen to do so . Our NTT landline phone almost never rings . We use our cell phones for everything , so a landline call means something out of the ordinary has happened . My wife answered the phone , and I heard her say " Yes ? " and look for me . Something was up . It was my mother . My stepfather had died only 10 minutes ago . He had been unconscious for a week before that , " So it 's not like it was a surprise . " She would call me when she had more information , but what more information could there be ? After she hung up , I checked Skype . Mom had been trying to get me on Skype and had left me a voice recording . " It 's your mother . Call me when get this , " and then there was a rustling and a thump , and then her voice was farther away , muffled . There was a rhythmic , repetitive whining and hissing , like the beginning of a techno track . I could hear her in the background , " I knew I wouldn 't be able to reach him . He must be at work or something . He lives in Okinawa Japan , so he 's in the middle of the Pacific . Might be something with the connection . " And then a man 's voice , very close , grunting in agreement , and then another man 's voice , farther away , near Mom . The close grunting continued , out of sync with Mom 's voice . I recognized him . It was my stepfather , unconscious . Mom had left Skype recording and dropped the iPad onto the bed . I looked at the screen . The message was 10 minutes long , the limit for Skype . I almost stopped the playback . No one intended for me to hear the rest , but I continued to listen like a morbid voyeur , eavesdropping on him . Mediated by technology and shifted in time , I was lying next to a dying man , and I could hear him groaning and mumbling like a sleep - talker . His verbalizations were a strange , rhythmic commentary to the conversations in the background . The man talking to Mom had a deep voice and a Louisiana accent - probably my step - brother . I haven 't seen him for twenty years , so I don 't know his voice , but that was probably him , behind the air pumps and the sudden gasps . Mom continued , " It sounds like he 's tryin ' to wake up , but I don 't think he 's in pain . We gave him so much morphine . " Then there was a woman 's voice , and that of a child , a girl . It must be the daughter of my step - sister . They had come to see grandpa . " I never saw him hit his children , or mine , either . He didn 't throw chairs or punch holes in walls , never hit a child , or me . More than I can say for a lotta men . " Then the rising tone and languid pace of a child 's timid questioning , and Mom replies , " Gotta let him rest , honey . Gotta let him rest . " More inaudible , distant talking , and then , " No , he wasn 't angry at you all that time . He was just hurtin ' . " I have never seen or heard my mother cry or break down , though I am sure she must have at some point . I was waiting to hear her choke up , to weaken . I thought I would hear her voice drop as she started to cry , but no . Not in the recording , at least . She was as she had always been - deadpan , matter - of - fact , and unsentimental . . . resolved . " There 's some bad people in this world , and sometimes bad shit happens , but you gotta just keep on keepin ' on . " That was her outlook on life . Life is hard , and perseverance and dignity in the face of misfortune is the measure of a person 's virtue . At some point , I could only hear distant thuds , and then the voices went away . I was left alone with him , just the two of us . I could imagine him there , inert but for the movement of his chest and throat , and next to him , I am craning my ear close to the PC speaker , listening intently . In that moment , we are in his time , and I am a ghost , eavesdropping from just a few hours in the future , when he no longer will be . I listen with a mixture of shame and duty , like a time - shifted priest or an archeologist , until the recording ends , and he is silent .
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Dear Diary , Why do people make it so hard to love them ? I never thought being in love was suppose to be easy but I did think it got easier as the years went along . You would think years together and knowledge of one another would aid in the breeziness of being together . I 'm finding out that 's not true . I love my husband to death but he likes to yell . It 's so annoying . Lately i 've really been trying to ignore him and find ways to deal with his behavior that do not involve us getting into an argument . I really don 't like to argue . There 's really no point in two people screaming at each other and trying to be right . All that does is make things worse and it makes me tired . I don 't see the problem with sitting down and talking things out , or at least trying to act like adults . If you want to be mad do you . Just don 't drag me into it . I don 't feel like yelling . I 've been sick all week and haven 't been doing any house work or cooking . All I care about right now is trying to get better . The flu does not allow you to do much anyway . I 've been home for a week and at this point i 'm trying to rest up for work on Monday . I 'm still not doing anything . Some dishes were left in the sink ( that were not mine ) . The man didn 't even say hello when he came home . He went straight to bitching and moaning about it . Annoying ! It was all I could do to keep myself from laughing . Why are you so mad about dishes ? Between the coughing and everything else I have going on , I really do not have time to get upset . I came to the laptop and started blogging . If I get into it it may get deeper than it needs to and i 'm really not in the mood . I just needed to get it off my system . I 'm done . Until tomorrow . . . . Dear Diary , I am so proud of my son . He 's more of a man at 18 than a lot of the so - called grown males I know . He is a sophomore in college and does very well in school . He worked at Yankee Stadium the entire season and loved it . How could he not ? It 's Yankee Stadium . In the middle of the season , he found out that his girlfriend was pregnant . It was hard for him at first because he knew he wasn 't ready to be a daddy , but something changed once he accepted that the child was coming . My baby boy became a man . I saw the change . It was in his posture , in his eyes , in his everything . He knew that he had to man up and that 's exactly what he has done . Baseball season is over and my son already had another job before it ended . He has also saved a pretty penny in preparation for his child 's birth . He showed me his bank statement and I was very impressed . I still am . He has impressed me since the day he was born . There 's something about my son . He has such a gentle spirit and quiet nature . You feel comfortable when you 're around him . He 's always been that way . My boy is strong ! I think back to the days when he was a toddler suffering from asthma . For some reason his attacks always came at the strangest hours . His father and I would be in bed sleeping at 4 a . m . and he 'd come in the room in his Power Ranger pajamas and calmly let us know that he couldn 't breathe . We were always more upset than he was . My son has always been very active . He has the cuts , bruises , and stitches to prove it . He got hit in the head with a soccer ball when he was eight years old . Blood was gushing from his head and everyone was screaming , crying , and scared but him . He never shed a tear . The doctor could not understand how a kid could sit so calmly while he got staples in his head . I just told him that was his nature . I feel like my son has always been mature . He has a way of looking at things that wraps them up in a neat , explained , and rational box . When everyone else is panicking he seems to be in a serene space . This will definitely come in handy whPosted by Dear Diary , I 'm sitting at my cubicle crying . I 've been thinking about my father a lot lately . His birthday is approaching . It 's not as hard for me as it once was . It took me a while to be able to think of the good times and not go into a depression around this time of year . I know that he would want me to be strong and I finally feel like I can do that . I love my father with all of my heart , faults and all . He wasn 't perfect . Who is ? Does perfection really exist ? He was there when he could be . There was a monkey on his back that he had a really hard time shaking . He tried to find the answer to his pain in the bottom of a bottle . I knew that and accepted that he couldn 't always be there when he wanted to be . He knew I did not like it when he drank so he only came around when he was sober . It 's crazy how much quality our time together was laced with . We went to Yankee games and talked about life . There are so many of those moments . I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if he could have been there all the time . He was an excellent father , even though it was on a part time basis . We were extremely close . I never judged him and always tried to understand him . He 's actually the one who taught me to be that way . I 'm not letting my father off the hook . He could have done things a lot differently . He had bouts of sobriety that lasted for years . Those were great times . He was everything a girl could want in a dad . If he could have stayed sober things would have been wonderful . I loved and supported him no matter what . I found out about my father 's death on his birthday . It was the hardest day of my life and I will never forget it . I also won 't forget all that my father taught me . I learned so many life lessons from him . There are too many to mention . All I can say is he left a big mark on my life and the way I live . I know he 's watching . I am so glad that I am now able to think of all the good memories when my daddy 's birthday comes around . I feel his love enveloping me every day . He 's not physically here but his spiPosted by Dear Diary , I 'm going to be a grandmother . My son 's girlfriend is five months pregnant . I wasn 't that excited about it at first . My son is 18 years old and has a very bright future . He 's a sophomore in college with a full academic scholarship . He 's also a member of his school 's basketball team . His girlfriend is important to him . His family is important to him too . That 's nice , but basketball is his first love . I once joked that he was going to turn into a basketball and roll out the door one day . Anyone who has read either one of my blogs knows that I was a teenage mother . Things did not go that well for me when I told my mother I was pregnant . She thought a lot about herself and what other people would think . Never once did she stop to think about what I was going through or how I felt . My mother reacted with total anger . It was a crazy ordeal . No matter what anyone said I knew I was keeping my child . My boyfriend at the time , who is now my husband of 20 years , was there with me the entire time . We adopted an us against the world attitude . The three of us became a family after our daughter was born . We made it a point to never have to ask anyone for a thing . Having a child made us both very independent people . I have no regrets . A child is a blessing . Our daughter was a blessing and so is my grandchild . Did I want my son to be a father at 18 ? Of course not . Would I have wanted him to have his career and life on track before being responsible for another life ? Hell yes ! Did I talk to him about sex and being protected ? Yes ! Do I think any less of the extraordinary person he is because of his situation ? No , no , and no again . There is no doubt in my mind that my son will be a remarkable father . He has such a gentle spirit . Kids flock to him . They know that he is genuine . He took the money he made working at Yankee Stadium and put it in the bank . He began to save as soon as he found out he was going to be a father . I 'm proud of him . His bank account is stacked . He 's already started being responsible . My son 's choices haPosted by Dear Diary , I was so aggravated when I left work Wednesday . The things they come up with on my job amaze the hell out of me . I feel like i 'm taking a trip to grammar school five days a week . I was so happy that I would be off Thursday because I was on the verge of exploding . I prayed that the day off would help me get myself together so that I would be okay when I went in Friday . God truly does work in mysterious ways . I got a call from one of my co - workers telling me that they needed someone to work Saturday . If I agreed to work I would be able to take Friday off . This was a wonderful thing ! All of the offices are closed on Saturday and only the evening / weekend staff comes in . I wouldn 't have to deal with anyone I didn 't want to see . The Lord knew I needed that extra day and I am so thankful . I had time to realize that he is in control and not the people who think they are . I cannot allow a boss with no backbone to upset me . The idiotic policies they come up with make no sense . I know this and i 'm not sure why I get upset when they come to us with more stupidity and nonsense . I have a plan for my life that does not include sitting in a cubicle five days a week . This is just a means to an end . I know the day will come when I will walk out of this place with a smile . I just have to continue to work toward my goals and not allow people without lives to affect mine . I 'm good and thankful . Until tomorrow . . . . Dear Diary , I love my book ! This is the third time i 'm reading it and the excitement is constantly growing . I actually think about the characters when i 'm not reading and that 's a good thing . I 'm proud of myself . There was a time when I would not have said that because I would have felt like I was bragging . I 'm so over that . So what if I am bragging . I wrote a book ! A few months ago I got a few friends and family members together and started a book club . They read a chapter of the book each month and we get together to discuss the characters and content . I chose people I that I knew would be honest with me . I didn 't want any sugar coated feedback . I wanted the real deal . Everyone in the club seems to love the book . They go from heated debates to personal stories that are related to a character or event in the book . It 's awesome . It lets me know that those who read my book will feel a connection to what I created . It 's such an amazing feeling . It 's such a blessing to have people in my life who support me and are willing to take the time to help me make my dream come true . I have wanted to become a published author for a long time . I 'm sure my folks knew I had the talent but wondered if i 'd ever get it done . I felt that way as well . I 've written poems and short stories over the years but I didn 't do anything with them . Most of it is in storage . One day I looked at some of the poems that I have written over the years . Looking at the dates it 's obvious that writing poetry got me through some things . The dates definitely correspond with stuff I was going through . Poetry was my outlet . It helped a lot to sit down and let my anger , hurt , or even happiness flow through my pen . My husband and I were watching an episode of " The Cleaner " and a young drug addicted dancer had to come to the realization that she would no longer be able to dance . Even though she knew it might kill her , she wanted to continue to dance . I understood how she felt . I 'm not sure what I would do if I couldn 't write . It 's my lifeline . It feels good to be Posted by Dear Diary , I 'm having a bit of blogger 's block and it 's really bothering me . There was a time when , second to my book , it was the only thing I thought of in terms of writing . It 's something i 've wanted to do for a long time . I have no idea why i 'm slipping . I need to get on the ball . I 'll get back on the ball . Right now i 'm really concentrating on trying to get my book done . It 's been about a year since I started writing and the editing process i 'm going through right now is much more work than I expected . I 've always said that I would not hire anyone to edit my book because I don 't want anyone to try and change the focus and intent . It looks like I may not have a choice . This is the third time i 'm reading through the book and i 'm still changing things and finding errors . It 's actually fun . I still love what I have written . The excitement is still there . I can still visualize the day when I see my book on the shelves . It 's going to be amazing . I still love to blog and hopefully i 'll find my love of blogging again . For now i 'm going to concentrate on making my dream come true . Dear Diary , I have really been slacking on my blogging and book editing . I have no idea why or how this happened . There was a time when almost everything I laid eyes on was a blog topic and every waking moment was spent with my book pages and a pen in my hand . My original goal was to have my book published by the end of the year . At this point I don 't think that is going to happen . Today I took a step in toward getting myself back on track . My job gave a course titled , " How to Stay Focused on Your Goals . " It was a pretty good course . The instructor was great . Her energy was wonderful and she had some great ideas . By the time the class was over I felt energized all over again . I felt bad because I saw my so - called deadline slipping away . After class I realized that I never really had one . There were no specifics . " The end of the year " is not good enough . I now have dates in mind that I am determined to stick by , but I also know that I shouldn 't down myself if the time comes and i 'm not quite ready . Writing is my passion . I don 't want my process to feel like a chore . This is my dream . I definitely don 't want to look back after all is said and done and feel like I had a horrible experience . Writing my book was a joy for me . Seeing something I have wanted for so long happen will be the cherry on top of a sundae that 's been in the making for years . I 'm looking forward to the day when I can say i 'm a published author . Until tomorrow . . . . Dear Diary , It 's not easy when a relationship you cherish falls apart . The Lord works in mysterious ways . He puts you in situations that force you to see who people really are and come out of any denial you might be in . Even though you may not realize it at the time , it 's a good thing . This is the situation i 'm in . Circumstances have shown me who some people I thought were important to me are all about . After some careful thought I have decided that these people no longer have a place in my life . That 's fine with me . I don 't have time for dead weight . There 's too much in store for me . I have a problem with worrying . I 've gotten a lot better but there have been times when I have thought things so deep into the ground that I stressed myself out . I can 't do that anymore . There 's no way I can move forward in my life if I am still holding on to the same bad habits . I 'm learning to let go . It 's not easy but it feels good . Today I let someone know that I realized their place in my life and have decided to move on without them . It felt great . To be rid of energy that is bringing you down is always a good thing . Toxic relationships can really do a job on a person . I don 't need that in my life . I don 't need relationships that are not reciprocal . I just can 't deal with that anymore . Changing someone 's place in my life doesn 't mean I love them any less . It just means I have to love them from a distance . I 'm doing all that I can to keep my heart healthy . It looks like that doesn 't include people I would have loved to be a part of my life . I have to let go . Someone emailed me this quote today and it really fits : " Letting go of your old self and the process of letting the new you emerge can be one of the scariest experiences in your life . But by leaving behind your old self and taking a leap of faith into the unknown , it might just reveal what you are truly capable of becoming . " Until tomorrow . . . . Dear Diary , I wonder why things never really seem to work out 100 % for me . Whenever I think i 'm getting ahead of the game something happens to set me back . I know that I 'm not a victim and God has a plan for us all . I get that . I don 't want to seem ungrateful because I know that things could be much worse . I feel like i 'm being prepared for a blessing . That has to be it . I 've always felt like I was being prepared for something . I guess i 'm just impatient . How long does the preparation have to last ? It would be nice to have peace of mind on a constant basis . I 've been doing all that I can to be the best me possible . I 've taken a journey of self and it has been very educational . I 've learned a lot about myself . I 'm so glad that I chose to look into who I really am and make the effort to be me and not who I wanted others to think I was . Lately situation after situation have been popping up . It almost feels like I can 't get it together . All I can do is pray and hope that God will give me the strength to handle what I need to handle . I have to take it all one day at a time . I don 't want to become overwhelmed . I 'm a strong black woman but there are times when it all becomes too much . I 've learned to just take a breath and move on . It doesn 't always work , but it helps . In Jer 1 : 5 , God says " Before I formed you in the womb I knew you , before you were born I dedicated you , a prophet to the nations I appointed you . " I know he has a plan for me . I just wonder when it will come to fruition . I don 't want to seem ungrateful or impatient with God . I just want to take a step forward without taking three back . I know that you cannot have a testimony without a test but i 'm growing a little weary . I 'm not a selfish person . Lately I have just felt conflicted . I have a lot of faith in God and know that he has my best interest at heart . I 'm just a little tired . I know that no one can live a perfect life and that 's not what I want . I just want a little time to catch my breath . Until tomorrow . . . . Dear Diary , Time . . . . I 've looked back and forth up and down the timeline of my life and it 's been pretty good . Things haven 't always gone the way I would like but I still can 't complain . There are so many people who would like to be in my shoes and have the " problems " I think I have . There was a time when I did a lot of complaining but I have come to realize that complaining only forces you to stay in the same position . Action . . . . Bitching and moaning about job , finances , or whatever else you 're letting get you down is a waste of time . You have to get up , get out , and make things happen for yourself . It 's not always easy . I have let life get me down in the past and didn 't realize that I was holding myself back . I 'm learning to get in the game and not be a spectator . It 's important . Faith . . . . Isaiah 40 : 31 . But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength ; they shall mount up with wings as eagles ; they shall run , and not be weary ; and they shall walk , and not faint . A friend emailed this scripture to me . It 's something I needed to hear . The words were perfect and right on time , just like God seems to be for me . A few things have happened to me recently that would have affected me in the past . I knew I was growing when I was able to keep the faith and move on . I prayed for the strength that I knew God was going to give me and went on with the business of living . It felt good . Life is going to keep throwing me curve balls and i 'm glad that I am learning that I don 't always have to dodge them . I can face them head on and know that my faith in God will pull me through . StrengthI named this blog after the person I was aspiring to be . I started down a path and wasn 't sure where it would lead . I just knew I had to find my way because I wasn 't happy with the way my life was going . Changes needed to be made . I had to woman up and get it together . Looking in the mirror and telling myself there had to be more was getting to be tiring . I am very proud of the woman I am today . She has done , and will continue to do , what shePosted by Dear Diary , Things with my book are really moving along . I 'll be having another book club meeting this month and i 'm really looking forward to it . The people I chose to be a part of my journey are really serious about helping me achieve my goal . That means a lot to me . The cousin of one of the book club members actually knows someone in publishing . She has already told her about me and given me her contact information . I was extremely touched by this . This is not someone I have a lot of contact with . She 's just a woman who wants me to succeed . I appreciate it more than I can tell her . I 'm very lucky to have people in my life who genuinely want me to succeed . They don 't only want me to succeed because they love and care for me , they actually believe in my talent . That feels great . I am so glad that I finally decided to share my gift with the world . Blogging was a huge step for me , and something that I have wanted to do for a long time . I don 't have the most popular blogs , but I am thankful for the people who take the time to read my thoughts and leave a comment now and then . I have also made some good blog friends whose support I deeply appreciate . Never once have I taken for granted how blessed I am to know what my gift is . I 've just been a little hesitant to share it . Those days are definitely over . I 'm proud of myself . I wrote a book ! Each day I feel better about what I have done . I pray that I will have my book on the shelvesby the end of the year . It felt wonderful when I wrote the last word . Imagine how it 's going to feel when I see it in print . Until tomorrow . . . . Dear Diary , I woke up before my alarm clock went off this morning . My husband and I use the alarm on my cell phone because it 's really loud . I wasn 't ready to get up , so I laid in bed and said a prayer . When I was done I began to think of my father . I often feel like he is with me and it gives me comfort . That is what he did for me when he was alive so there 's no reason it should change . As I laid in bed I said , " If you 're here daddy , give me a sign . " As soon as the thought left my head my alarm clock went off and said , " Hello Moto , " like it does every morning . I took that as a sign that my daddy was around me . It may sound funny , and it might not even be true , but that 's what it meant to me . I told my co - worker about what happened and she said I miss my dad so much that i 'm grasping at straws because my alarm clock goes off at the same time each day . She can have her opinion . I still believe he was letting me know he was there . I had no idea what time it was and was not expecting the alarm . My daddy was saying hello to me . I don 't care what anyone says . Yes , I may believe it because that 's what I want . So what . I really wish my father was here . There 's so much I would love to talk to him about . I still talk to him and often make decisions based on the advice I think he would give me , but it would be so much better if I could actually converse with him . I know that 's not going to happen so when I ask for a sign and my alarm says , " Hello , " i 'm going to say it was my daddy . Until tomorrow . . . . Dear Diary , I had a rough day at work today . I wasn 't in a great mood when I got up and as soon as I got to work I knew why . My feelings are never wrong . I can sense when something is not going to work out and I had a feeling I was in for some bull . The good news is that I have learned not to let things get me down or take me out of my character . Yesterday I kept saying , " Nobody 's going to steal my joy . " I don 't know where it came from . I guess I was putting the thought in my head to prepare myself for what was to come . When things started to bother me , I continued to say it in my head . I got through the day and i 'm feeling good . It feels great to know that I am making progress . My journey of self has been a wonderful experience . I see everything in a totally different light and I love it . I was cooking breakfast and ended up writing a post about eggs in a carton because all things are so much more than they seem now . I see people for who they are and not who I would like them to be . I 've finally realized that I have to be honest about the things I know about people and not try to ignore . I must accept that they are who they are going to be . I 'm still a work in progress and always will be . Each day I thank God for opening my eyes in more ways than one . I am so thankful to be so blessed . Some people go through life and never really get to know themselves . I was actually on track to be that way . Things changed for the better when they were suppose to . I have learned from every experience i 've had . It took me a while but now I know that the things we go through exist to shape us into the person we are suppose to be . I am thankful for it all and cannot wait to see what else is in store . Until tomorrow . . . . Dear Diary , A friend emailed something to me that I thought I would share . It was definitely food for thought for me . Here it is : It 's okay to quit : 1 . Quit arguing with people about the same old foolishness ! Respect their position and keep it moving ! 2 . Quit telling people your secrets when you know they are not going to keep them ! And if you keep telling them , then quit getting mad when they tell your secrets ! 3 . Quit trying to pull people on your journey who don 't want to travel with you . Either they believe in you and value you . . . or they don 't ! 4 . Quit complaining about things you can 't and won 't change ! 5 . Quit gossiping about other people ! Minding our own business should be a full time job ! 6 . Quit blaming each other for things that in the big picture aren 't going to matter three weeks from now ! Talk solutions . . . and then implement them ! 7 . Quit buying things when we know we can 't afford them ! If you don 't have self control , then quit going to the stores ! Quit charging things , especially when you don 't NEED them ! 8 . Quit staying in unhealthy relationships ! It is not okay for people to verbally or physically abuse you ! So quit lying to yourself ! It is not okay to stay in the marriage for the children ! Ask them and they will tell you that they really would prefer to see you happy and that the misery you and your spouse / partner are living with is affecting them ! 9 . Quit letting family members rope you into the drama ! - Start telling them you don 't want to hear it ! Quit spreading the drama ! Quit calling other relatives and telling them about your cousin , uncle , or aunt ! Go back to # 5 minding your own business should be enough to keep you busy ! 10 . Quit trying to change people ! IT DOESN ' T WORK ! Quit cussing people out when you know that they are just being the miserable and jealous people that they are ! 11 . Quit volunteering for things that you aren 't getting any personal fulfillment from anymore ! 12 . Quit listening to the naysayers ! 13 . Quit making excuses about why you are where you are or why youcan 't do what you waPosted by Dear Diary , It 's Memorial Day weekend and i 'm taking this time to remember my dad . He wasn 't a veteran or anything , just my daddy . I guess I shouldn 't say it that way . My father was such a huge personality . When he was in the room you knew he was there . He was funny and ultra intelligent . He taught me to be well rounded and up on what 's going on in the world . I miss him so much . I still talk to him and kiss his picture every day . I 'm also thinking of my grandparents . They were together for over 50 years . My grandfather was a boisterous , rotund man who owned several businesses even though he only had a third grade education . He was such a savvy businessman . I remember being at his burial and seeing a never ending procession of cars . We were walking back to the limos and people were still coming . He was very popular . Everyone in the town knew him and my grandmother . She was his right hand . I can see her smiling as I walked in the family house summer after summer and saying , " Hey bay . " I hope my husband and I are lucky enough to have the marriage my grandparents had . My next door neighbor passed away in his sleep . He was a young man , not even 40 , and it was such a shock when he died . His mother found him . His name was Gary and he was so cool . All we did was sit around and laugh and joke around . His mother was his best friend and she has not been the same since his death . Whenever we have a get together at our home I think of him . It 's so hard to lose people you love . It took me a while but I have learned to spend more time remembering the good things than mourning . My father was the first person close to me that left me . I felt empty inside . It took years for me to accept that he was gone . His death taught me a lesson . It made me realize that I had to cherish life and the people I love . You never know what can happen . I didn 't have time with my father before he passed away . His death was sudden . My mother , on the other hand , got to spend two weeks with her mother before she died . When the doctors realized she didn 't havePosted by Dear Diary , I 'm taking a short break from all the fun i 'm having to say how much fun i 'm having . Hubby and I arrived at our friend 's place Saturday afternoon . They were having a cookout and the house was full of people . I love cookouts . Being around good people is always a wonderful thing . It 's nice when you can just lay back and have a good time . Our friends are the type who open their door to everyone and people love them because they 're so genuine . I looked around and everyone was laughing and having a good ole time . It was just what I needed . Being away from work and the city makes me cherish the time I have . I 'm not crazy about my job , but know that i 'm blessed to have it . Being away is awesome . We have had so much fun . Tomorrow 's our last day here and we plan to make the most of the time we have with our friends . Until tomorrow . . . Dear Diary , I just got to work and i 'm in a really good mood . It 's Friday , i 'm going out with friends when I get off , and my husband and I leave visit friends for a few days when he gets off work tomorrow . All that is great but it 's only part of the reason i 'm in such a good mood . I just finished the second round of editing my novel . I bring it with me to work every day and edit on the bus and whenever I have a chance at work . As I was finishing the last few pages I smiled to myself because I realized that I am really proud of what I have written . I love it ! There are so many gifts God could have given me . I am so glad that he chose to make me a writer . How blessed am I ? Some people never realize what their gifts are and some never find out what it is that they love to do . I know what my passion is . It 's obvious to me that I was put here to put paper to pen . I haven 't always been comfortable with sharing the things I write with others . I was nervous and did not have confidence in my abilities . Things take time . I have done so much growing in the past few years that I have thrown the fear out the window and learned that i 'm an awesome writer . I read my book and impressed myself . I love the way I put the whole idea together . I 've definitely grown because i 've invited others into my editing process . I 'll be having my first book club meeting at the end of the month . I chose a few people whose opinions I trust to read together and give me the feedback I need to make sure that my novel is all that it can be . I 'm not nervous about that at all . I 'm excited and hope that they love what I have written as much as I do . There 's a light at the end of the tunnel . My book will be published when I come out on the other side . It is claimed and will be done ! I will be a published author . Believe it ! Dear Diary , My husband and I are going upstate to visit some friends for a few days at the end of the week . I cannot wait . A change of scenery is going to do me good . It 's going to be nice to have some good times with good friends in a different space . I love my city , but sometimes the hustle and constant go , go , go , of New York can get under your skin . Work is a real pain this week and I just want to make it to Friday . I 'm trying not to let the negative energy around me affect my mood , but it isn 't easy . My supervisor has no life and although I feel sorry for her it would be nice if she didn 't bring a black cloud to work with her every day . I had to say something to her today because there are just certain things I will not tolerate . I am a 41 year old woman and I will not be treated like a child . It 's crazy how some people think a title gives them card blanche to do and say whatever they want . One of my biggest pet peeves is having someone insult my intelligence or treat me like a child . I don 't extend the opportunity to do either of those things to anyone . I never have and I never will . So , I had to let her know how I feel and because she thinks supervisor equals God she has an attitude . I actually like the silent treatment and I feel bad for her because she doesn 't know how to respond to criticism . So anyway , i 'm off to visit friends and I cannot wait to leave this city behind for a little while . They live in a small town and it 's going to be nice to grab a drink and sit on the porch and chit chat and laugh . I need that right now . Dear Diary , I 'm in a really good mood today . Actually , i 've been in a pretty good mood for a while . My health hasn 't been the best for the past few days , but my spirits were still high . This is kind of different for me . Looking back , I realize that there were times when I actually seemed to look for reasons to be down . It 's amazing what you realize once you move on . Life really is what you make of it . I want to have a happy , positive life so I guess I have to be those things . I 'm so determined now . When I start feeling sorry for myself or getting down on life , I go back to the vow I made to me . I vowed that I would be optimistic and make the best out of life and that is what i 'm going to do . I read between the lines of something someone said in an email and realized that they thought my energy was a little on the negative side sometimes . My feelings were a little hurt at first but instead of letting it take me over like I once did , I sat back and owned it . I 've never really been the type of person who was able to smile on the outside when my inside was doing the opposite . It was hard . My emotions have been firmly planted on my sleeve . If i 'm going through something it shows , even when I try to hide it . It got so bad at one point that I felt like the best thing for me to do was shut down and stay to myself . It wasn 't fair for me to let my moods affect others . That was then and this is now . I 've learned that talking helps . I can 't hold stuff in . I 'm good now . I 'm so much happier . To be honest I didn 't realize I was seeking misery . Misery may be a strong word , but I did seem to prefer to play it extremely safe and worry about everything from a to z . I 'm done with that . It 's time for walking on faith . Whatever will be will be . Dear Diary , I 'm finding it a little hard to be positive lately . There are so many things I want out of life and there are times that I feel like i 'll never reach the goals that i 've set for myself . I 'm feeling a bit stuck . In my heart of hearts I feel that i 'm being tested and prepared for something bigger . I 'm just having trouble being patient . It 's not easy to think positive when situations make you feel like you 'll never get over the hump . I have faith , but I think it 's being tested . I don 't want to fail the test , and I know that I am worthy of the outcome . I 'm just growing a little weary of the back and forth and up and down of it all . It seems like things will never move at a steady pace . I 've noticed that i 'm really beginning to let my job get me down . I don 't like it and it 's bringing my spirit down . I want to leave , but i 'm not sure that would be the best decision right now . It 's also not easy to give up 13 years of seniority and start over . Does it mean I don 't have faith that God will not move me from bad to worst , or am I just cautious ? Walking on faith is not an easy thing to do . I wish I could say I was there , but I know I am not . I 'm a work in progress and I pray every day and ask for the strength to keep it moving when there are times when I want to collapse , both mentally and spiritually . The thing is , I can feel something moving inside me . I feel it all around me . Whenever I try to be the pessimist i 've always been , something tells me things are going to work themselves out like they never have . I just need to be still and learn how to listen , and feel without thinking so much . I don 't worry about things as much as I once did , but I still have improvements to make . There was a time when I never allowed myself to have a positive outlook so I know I have made strides . Situations that would have brought me down in the past are not having any affect . I know he 's working on me . Each day I pray for forgiveness for allowing my negative outlook to block my blessings . I notice things moving as I shed that habPosted by Dear Diary , I 'm really trying to keep my temper in check , but it 's so hard . It seems like the harder you try , the more people want to test you . I know what kind of temper I have , and i 've really been trying not to let it loose . It 's so hard sometimes because people can really push you . I guess i 'm a can be considered a quiet person . I don 't warm up to people easily . I 'm more inclined to sit back in the cut and see what vibes I feel . I believe in first impressions and i 'm hardly ever wrong . My initial reaction to people is usually spot on . My intuition hasn 't failed me yet . I think i 'm quiet because I have a very low tolerance for bull crap . I just can 't take it . I 've been trying to let things go and move on and , for the most part is has worked . Of course , there are those times when my alter ego , I call her Harlem , comes out and sets it off . Sometimes it just has to be done . A lot of folks take kindness for weakness and Harlem has to let them know the deal . She hasn 't been out in a while , but between my job and a few people who have really been irking me lately , she may have to make an appearance . Like I always say , i 'm a work in progress . I 've made some strides , but i 'm far from where I want to be . I have to admit , it 's great to have less visits from Harlem . She use to be a constant part of my day . Blogging also helps me to get out some of the things that are bothering me . I always get such good feedback and advice from some of my blog friends . It really helps . I guess I just needed to vent . Some things happened today that tried to force Harlem out . I was proud of myself . I kept her under wraps . Sometimes when people know how to push your buttons , they lay on them until they get a result . I refused to let that happen today . I 'm proud of myself . Until tomorrow . . . . Dear Diary , Stress ! What a word . That thing can kill you . I was talking to someone special yesterday and became really sad because life has really gotten this person down . They 're feeling overwhelmed . It 's a shame how that can happen . One minute you feel like you 're on top of the world and the next thing you know you feel like the world is on top of you . I have definitely been in that position . I once let a job stress me out so badly that I became physically sick . I had to take so many trips back and forth to the doctor that it was getting on my nerves . We finally sat down and had a long talk and realized that the problem was stress . Once I realized what was going on , and left that job , I felt much better . It hurt to see someone I love going through so many emotions and stresses . They 're just starting their adult life and student loans , a career they thought they would love but don 't , trying to be independent , and just the daily rigamarole that life can put you through are all bringing them down . It 's taking their emotional stability for a ride . All I could do was listen and offer whatever advice I thought would help . My main advice was , " pray on it . " Prayer has definitely helped me navigate some situations I thought I would not make it through . It 's not easy , but it helps . I 've learned to take time to give thanks , even when things aren 't going the way I would like . I know that , all things considered , my life could be a lot worse . I 'm thankful for the rough times because they help me to appreciate the good . Until tomorrow . . . . Dear Diary , I was cleaning out my old locker and came across something that was taped inside . It definitely hit home for me . Here it is : Dear God , I want to thank you for what you have already done . I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards , I am thanking you right now . I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better , I am thanking you right now . I am not going to wait until people say sorry or until they stop talking about me , I am thanking you right now . I am not going to wait until the pain in my body disappears , I am thanking you right now . I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves , I am going to thank you right now . I am not going to wait unti the children are asleep and the house is quiet , I am going to thank you right now . I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get a job , I am going to thank you right now . I am not going to wait until I understand every experience in my life that has caused me pain or grief , I am going to thank you right now . I am not going to wait unit the journey gets easier or the challenges are removed , I am thanking you right now . I am thanking you because I am alive . I am thanking you because I made it through the day 's difficulties . I am thanking you because I have walked around the obstacles . I am thanking you because I have the ability and the opportunity to do more and do better . I am thanking you because you have not given up on me . God is so good and he 's good all the time ! Until tomorrow . . . Take the time to say thank you . Dear Diary , So , i 'm back to work . It feels like I never left . One of these days will be my last here and I will be happy about it . I 'm claiming a new career for myself . What i 'm doing now is not the move . I 'm not complaining ; I just need something new and much more fulfilling . I want to make a difference . Making my living as a writer would be the best thing that could happen to me . That would be my difference . A good book can get a person through a lot . I still remember reading , " Are you there God , it 's me Margaret , " when I was young . I remember the feeling it gave me . I remember writing short stories and giving them to my sisters and a couple friends and they would go on and on telling me how much they liked or related to them . It was a great feeling . My book is done , but I haven 't finished editing . I had no idea how much of a process it would be . I 'm still thinking of hiring someone to check the grammar . I 've always been one to pay more attention to the words than the punctuation . My friend says i 'm old school because I don 't sit in front of the computer when I write . I 'm a pen and notebook girl . I write first and type later . One of my blog friends , A Free Spirit Butterfly had a haiku contest . I entered right before the deadline and tied with someone else for the win . I was really happy . I 've entered a few short story contests and i 've only won one . It 's a great feeling to have anything i 've written acknowledged . I thank Free Spirit Butterfly for her acknowledgment . I 'm going to keep pushing . I don 't know what will become of my writing career but , God willing , it will be all that is should be . If my books bring a smile to just ones person 's face or makes someone think , i 'll be extremely happy . Dear Diary , I 'm feeling a lot better , but still not back to my old self . At times I forget the pain is there and move or get up too fast . I think i 'll be back to normal in another week . I 'm just glad to be able to move around on my own . Last week was terrible . My husband took such good care of me . He waited on me hand and foot . I was in a lot of pain , but I admit I enjoyed it . I wasn 't going to talk about my operation , but I just changed my mind . I had to have a partial hysterectomy . My uterus was removed due to a condition called adenomyosis . I was initially diagnosed with fibroids and although I did have some they were not the main cause of the problems I experienced . Adenomyosis in a nutshell is an enlarged uterus . Luckily , I was able to have minimally invasive surgery and did not get cut . My recovery time and pain are both lessened . Not having a uterus means that I can no longer have children . My daughter is 24 and my son is 18 so when the doctor asked me if I had any intentions of having another child I told her hell no . My husband and I thought we would be living alone at this point , but the universe had other ideas . Our daughter decided not to move just yet and our son decided to go to school here in the city . My surgery was organized a few months in advance and I really thought I was fine with it . I didn 't really think about it until about a week before it was time to get it done . The closer the day became , the more nervous I got . When my husband and I woke up Monday , March 2nd , the day of my surgery , I was a nervous wreck . I didn 't tell him how I was feeling because I knew he would tell me everything was going to be fine and that 's not what I wanted to hear . I didn 't tell him I was scared until we were on our way to the hospital . He just said , " I know , " and gave me a hug . I looked into his eyes and realized he was nervous too . The surgery was suppose to start at 3 : 30 but it didn 't happen until 6 : 00 . I spent a couple hours alone after a nurse 's assistant came to the room where I was sitting with my husband anPosted by Dear Diary , I 've been feeling so run down lately . One of my co - workers mom is really sick and she has been out . Since i 'm the only one who knows how to do her work I got saddled with it . I didn 't even have time to do my own . It pissed me off , but I did what I had to do . I would want someone to fill in for me if , God forbid , my mother was sick . I was swamped the entire week , but thinking of my co - worker sitting next to her mother on her death bed pushed me to continue . Losing a parent is such a terrible thing . My father passed away ten years ago and even though it 's getting easier to deal with , I think about him every day . I did not get the chance to tell him goodbye . I got a phone call telling me he was gone . That is the worst thing I have ever experienced . One minute we were making plans for him to visit and the next minute he was gone . I try to live the life I think my father would be proud of . I know that he is watching me and I want him to do it with a smile . I miss him so much . He 's the reason for my love of sports and music . We would talk on the phone for hours about the Yankees or the new music that was out . The original Yankee Stadium is being torn down and replaced by some new fangled bull that 's going to be so expensive that families will no longer be able to go to games . I 'm so glad I have the memories of going to games with my daddy . We had so much fun . I loved sports when all my friends were beginning to turn into girly girls . I 've always been sort of a tomboy . I thank God that my mother is still alive . She works so hard . She 's part of the reason I work so hard to get my book published . The dream is to sell so well that my mother can stop working . I 'm sure that will take a couple books , but you never know what could happen . I love my mother . She 's my example of a strong black woman on the move . There is not one lazy bone in her body . I hope to be like her when I grow up . Here 's to the father I lost who taught me so much and the mother who is the first strong black woman I ever met . Dear Diary , There 's so much going on in my head right now . I feel like i 'm twisting in the wind . My birthday is coming up and although I haven 't accomplished everything I would have liked to since I turned 40 , I do think i 've made some improvements and learned a lot of things about myself . I 've learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was . I can handle way more than I give myself credit for . I should have known that because God is not going to give you more than you can handle , even when you think you 're overwhelmed . How can you appreciate what you have if it doesn 't take a little work ? I still feel there 's a blessing waiting for me . Too many things are being moved . I don 't know what it is or when it will come ; I just want to be ready . It 's important for me to be the person who deserves what they receive . That is why I feel like i 'm being prepared . I know that my mindset has done a lot to block my blessings . You get what you give . I 've been way to pessimistic and worrysome . I finally realize that has to change if I want to get the things out of life that are waiting for me . My children are grown now . I 've done my job as a mother . It 's their time now . My daughter has her career and my son has begun his college journey . Now is the time for their father and I to sit back and watch them live their lives . We filled up their belts , now it 's time for them to use the tools . I 'm very proud of them and thank God that I had a hand it adding two wonderful people to the universe . My husband and I are really hitting our stride . We thought we 'd be living alone at this time . Our daughter was going to move out and our son was going to go away for college . They both changed their minds . It 's fine . I don 't want my daughter to move until she has enough saved where she can sit pretty and live her life . My son 's decision to stay turned out to be a good one because he received a four year academic scholarship and is a member of the school basketball team . He loves his school . He made the right decision . I feel good about the life tPosted by Dear Diary , I 'm not sure how I feel about Valentine 's day . I 've been with my husband for a long time and we 've never really gotten into it . We tell each other I love you every day . Our love is very evident . I 'm not so sure we need a special day to prove it . My son is 18 and this day is very important to him . He 's spent days getting things together for his girlfriend and they have a big day planned . I think that 's cute and very caring . Seeing how into it he was took me back to the days when I first met his father . I was 15 and he was 18 . We only had one Valentines Day together before we became parents . I can 't say I remember how we spent it , but I consider it special because it was the first one . We 've had our share of flowers , cards , and candy and it was nice . We did the dinners and romantic nights . It 's years later and our feelings for each other have escalated , we 've had our share of ups and downs , and we 're still together . I love him more right now than I thought I ever would . We didn 't say , " Happy Valentine 's Day , " when we woke up this morning we said , " I love you . " Some of the things we 've gone through have taught us to cherish every day you have with the one you love . There 's no need to save it all up for one day . This is a cute holiday but , hopefully , we all learn to let the ones we love know how much they mean to us as often as we can . Until tomorrow . . . . Dear Diary , I haven 't been feeling all that strong this week . I 'm tired and sluggish and my job is really getting to me . I want out of there . Until tomorrow . . . Dear Diary , Lately i 've been feeling like all of my senses are heightened . My mind is like a sponge , my heart is bursting with emotion , and my eyes are opening to so many things and seeing people for who they really are . I can 't help but feel that a blessing is coming my way because i 'm being shown so much . It feels like things are being moved to prepare me for what is coming my way . This is a great thing . I want to be a prepared receiver . I 'm 40 years old but sometimes I feel like a newborn . Life is about constantly learning and experiencing new things . At no time in their life does a person know everything . I 've come across some who thought they had learned all of life 's lessons . I don 't really listen to these types of people or seek out their advice . No one knows it all and people who think they do aren 't always capable of seeing things from other perspectives . I learned a great lesson over the past week . The people you love aren 't always who you think they are . The ones closest to you are the ones most capable of hurting you and not really caring . It was a hard lesson to learn , but I am so glad for the experience . Things were really put into perspective for me . I now know that I have to face facts and I am no longer burying my head in the sand about certain things . When you love people it 's hard to see them for who they are and not who you want them to be . I have been trying to deny certain traits of some of the people I love but they were put in my face in a manner that was hard to ignore . I now have no choice but to face reality . There 's something out there for me . I know that it 's up to me to go and get it and i 'm ready . I 'm going to take all the things I am being shown and use them to make a better me . I 've spent too many years not being true to myself because I didn 't want to hurt others . Enough is enough . I got a big slap in the face and heart and I will not allow it to happen again . I would like to say thank you to the people who hurt my feelings so badly that I had no choice but to woman up and move on . ThPosted by Dear Diary , Anyone who does not know the definition of a strong black woman need only look to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue . The perfect example is living in the White House . What a feeling it is to know that she is there , Michelle Obama , first lady . She is a wifeHer husband always describes her as his best friend and love of his life . She stands beside him and they take all journeys together . When you look at Barack and Michelle , you know that Black love is alive and well . What a blessing it is to see such a wonderful couple , who is deep in love , at the head of the table of the United States . They look at each other and their undeniable love shines through . It 's a wonderful thing to see . A strong black woman is there for her man . She has his back at all times , but when he 's wrong she 'll let him know . She 's a motherAlways making sure he babies are protected and putting their welfare ahead of everything else . It 's obvious that motherhood is extremely important to Michelle . You can look at her girls and see that they were , " raised right . " ( I heard an elderly woman say that on the bus this morning ) A strong black woman takes care of hers and protects them at all costs . It 's not easy raising children these days and we know we have to be there with them every step of the way to ensure that we are there when they need help navigating themselves through life . When she can 't be there , she can call grandma , the one who was there for her navigation , to step in . She 's a fashion iconThis strong black woman is already changing the face of fashion . I really respect the fact that she chose to wear the clothes of two basically unknown designers to the inauguration and Presidential balls . Her style is great . She 's not too flashy , and can still be classy and sexy at the same time . She 's a thinkerStrong black women are always trying to figure out what they can do to make things better . We wonder how we can make the lives of the ones we love better and be there when they need us . In Michelle 's case , she has to care for an entire country . WhePosted by Dear Diary , Life is so short . You never know what can happen . My husband and I were going down the West Side Highway here in New York and fire trucks and police cars were zooming by left and right . It was kind of scary because we had absolutely no idea what was going on . My husband turned to 1010 WINS , the all news station , and the reporter was talking about a plane crashing into the Hudson . My heart dropped . Luckily , thanks to a great pilot and quick response , everyone got out alive and all injuries were minor . The first thing I thought of when I heard about the plane was a terrorist attack . Anything having to do with an airplane brings back terrible memories for us New Yorkers . I was relieved to find out that birds , not terrorists , caused the pilot to land the plane on the river . He gets top props for his skills . That crash made me think a lot about my life . I 've spent some time feeling sorry for myself and not being as confident as I should be . I 've done a lot of work on those issues and , even though i 'm not exactly where I want to be , I have made lots of progress . My lack of confidence told me that I would not have the moxxy to shop my novel around . That has totally changed . I 'm ready to share my gift with the world . I 'm ready and I know it 's my time . I pray for those who went through the plane crash . I hope they know how blessed they are . The Lord could be saving them for something big . I 've been feeling like my true blessing is coming . There 's something about this year that has me feeling optimistic . Maybe i 'm looking forward to Tuesday and what 's to come after our first Black president is sworn in . Maybe I just have a new outlook on life and positivity is really flowing through my body . Whatever the reason , it feels good . Until tomorrow . . . . Dear Diary , I womaned up and went to my manager and told her how I felt . It 's not in my character to hold things in , plus I felt it was important that I get things out in the open before I got to the point of explosion . We both come in very early , so I was able to speak to her before the office filled up . I let her know that her micro managing style was making me uncomfortable . I also told her if she continued to constantly check my work there was no reason for me to do it . All of the things feeling spilled out of my mouth and I felt so much better when I was done . It wasn 't about her response , because I knew it would be one of denial ( and it was ) . It was about me letting her know how I felt . I was not willing to carry it around anymore . My job situation was spilling over into other aspects of my life , even my blogging . It was hard for me to get out of bed in the morning because I didn 't want to go to work . I became stressed because I was holding in something that was bothering me . I don 't like to do that . I always said I would never allow another job to stress me out . It happened once before and I actually became physically ill . Getting rid of what was bothering me was of the utmost importance . Even though she denied being a micro manager , my feelings are out in the open and I received an apology and promise that things will change . The funny thing is , in her denial my manager said she has heard that complaint before and doesn 't understand where it is coming from . That made me laugh . I feel so much better . I am determined to make 2009 one of the best years i 've ever had and I will not allow anyone 's issues to change that . Dear Diary , I don 't really like my job but i 'm grateful to have it . I know there are people who would love to be in my shoes and I am definitely blessed , especially in these days and times . That is what I try to keep first and foremost in my head day after day . I thank God that my husband and I are able to pay our bills and keep a roof over our family 's head and food on the table . Things were going great for me for a while . I was given projects to do and left alone . I didn 't really have a supervisor . It was great . I 'll admit i 'm the type of person who doesn 't like to be told what to do . When I leave this job , I never want to work FOR anyone . I have to do me . Imagine the horror when I was told that my department would be changed and I would be working with one of the most micro managing managers there is ? Thoughts of quitting immediately filled my head but , of course , I can 't leave my job right now . The two people who already work in the department don 't know what it means to stand up for themselves and i 'm known for constantly doing just that . In my old department I worked with someone who was right there with me . I 'm all alone now . It hurts my heart when our people have that slave mentality . It 's almost like they 're saying , " Yes 'm " all the time . When you let people talk to you and treat you any kind of way because of their position , that is what you are doing . I 've never been one to go there . You have to give respect in order to give it . There is no one that I will allow to come at me in a disrespectful manner and my new manager is very disrespectful and condescending . She seems to think that her title means she is above those she is managing . I 'm really not having that . I completed a week of working with this person and I think she has gotten the idea that she cannot push me around like she does her current staff . I will do everything within my power to let her know that I am not what she 's use to . It 's hard for me to watch women over the age of 40 being treated , and acting , like little girls , being told where to siPosted by Dear Diary , It 's 2009 ! The year went so fast that I barely remember half the things I did . I do know that it was a year of ups and downs . Things could have been better , but i 'm not going to complain . Instead of doing that , I will look at the arrival of 2009 as a chance to make things better . I went to a party on new years eve and had a wonderful time . It 's always great to be around good people . There was no drama and everyone just wanted to have fun . That 's sort of the way I plan to live in 2009 , no drama only good things . I know there 's no way that things will be perfect , but I will do all I can to make sure it 's as good as it can be . My number one priority right now is publishing my novel . I 'm at the end of my first round of editing and it feels good . I 'm an author . I smile every time I think about what i 've done . I have a great feeling . Things are going to go well . When 2008 ended , I let go of a lot of the things I had on my mind and spirit . I 'm genuinely looking at 2009 with a clean slate . I changed a lot last year . I 've become a stronger , more positive woman . My shoulders feel lighter . There were some negative energies in my life that I have gotten rid of and it really made a huge difference . I 'm more than ready to face whatever happens this year . I feel stronger and I have so much more faith that things will go well . I 'm learning how to let go and let God . I know that my destiny has already been written and I can feel that something is about to happen . I 'm sure there have been times in the past when I could have had the success I wanted , but it wasn 't time . I wasn 't ready . I 've done a lot of soul searching and i 'm in such a good place . I feel that the trials of 2008 were preparing me for the blessings of 2009 . Finally , i 'm ready to receive and appreciate all the good things that I feel are coming my way . Until tomorrow . . . .
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For the first couple of days , being unexpectedly sixteen again was actually kind of fun . Cam kept his memories this time , not like when he 'd gotten turned into a five year old for three hours and had no memory of anything after the first time he was five , so there was no disorientation to go with the undeniable weirdness of looking - feeling - sixteen again . It was also a hell of a lot easier to appreciate the fact that he didn 't have pins in his leg like this - apparently the Quizelri had actually reset their bodies to the way they were at sixteen , not just made them look that way . Plus , this time , it wasn 't just him ; he had Sam along for the ride , both of them in uniforms that fit surprisingly well on their skinny sixteen year old bodies , confined to base after an argument with Landry that Cam suspected he 'd find really humiliating when he was nearly forty again . " We 're adults , we can take care of ourselves , " Sam had said , folding her arms over her chest in a move that Cam thought might be meant to hide her figure , or might just be defiance . " Yeah , " he 'd said , hanging back . That , he 'd discovering , was the weird part of being suddenly less than half his age : he remembered himself as a lieutenant colonel in the air force , leader of the number one gate team , with all the self - assurance that went with it , but as much as he thought he ought to be able to make himself be that person again , he 'd gone right back to his vaguely shy teenage self . Landry hadn 't even blinked . " Well , Colonel Mitchell wasn 't , and unless the two of you want to convince your neighbors that you are in fact your own stunningly similar looking long - distance cousins , you 're staying on base until the rest of your team comes back with a way to return you to your normal , slightly less argumentative selves . " He 'd given them both what Cam had always thought of as his disapproving principal look , then added , " Now get out of my office . " " He 's no fun , " Sam had complained as they 'd walk down the corridor together . Cam had shaken his head in agreement . The only good thing about enforced downtime was the chance to watch movies and shoot penguins on his computer , and neither of those things were in his base quarters . " I 'm bored , " he 'd added . " Good , " Carolyn 's voice had said from behind them . When they 'd turned around , she 'd been grinning sadistically , and Cam would have bet she 'd heard Sam criticize Landry . " Then you 'll have plenty of time to come down to the infirmary while I run some tests on you . " " I 'm just saying , " Sam grumbled over red jello . " What are they going to do , make us sixteen ? No , wait , they already did that . " " I 'm happy , " Cam protested , since he was , mostly . Other than being stuck on base and not allowed to work , which said something truly depressing about his priorities . " I 'm just being realistic . " " I guess , " Cam agreed . He wasn 't ready to admit that the only change before they met in their early twenties had been his ability to fake confidence and happy - go - lucky self - assurance . The reality of it had come later , and for years he 'd wondered if it was really real , or if he was just faking well enough to fool himself as well . " This sucks , " Sam said . " Can 't go off - world , can 't go into the lab , can 't go to Area 51 . " " Landry , " Cam said immediately . Sam shuddered . " Or Matheson . He 's clumsy enough around me when we 're both grown - ups . If he was sixteen as well , he 'd probably accidentally shoot someone . " " Sort of , " Cam hedged . He 'd gotten into his fair share of trouble , but somehow it hadn 't seemed right to be really disruptive after his dad 's accident . Another thing he didn 't want to talk about . " Sort of , right . " Sam piled their dishes onto her tray and stood up . " Come on . We 're off duty , there 's got to be some fun to be had in this place . " Since even Sam understood that they would one day in the not that distant future go back to being full grown adults with serious jobs , they were pretty limited in what they could do . Someone had clearly briefed the people guarding the labs , because even their combined one - day - soon - I 'll - be - your - superior - officer - again glares didn 't get them in . They also didn 't get them into the gate room , the control room , or the room right at the bottom of the mountain where they were building a 302 / puddle jumper hybrid . " We thought you might prefer it if they weren 't , " Landry said gently . Cam had never heard him be gentle before , no matter how bad things had gotten . No - one had even mentioned the fact that they had purple streaks in their hair . " In case we fall over when you do whatever you 're going to do to re - age us ? " Cam asked . He sounded like he was grasping at straws , not good enough at hiding it with this voice . Jackson and Landry looked at each other . Vala looked down at her hands , and Teal ' c looked at Cam and Sam , steady and unwavering . Cam squeezed Sam 's hand , her fingers cold in his . " They say it 's done as a punishment , " Jackson said finally , not quite looking at the two of them . " To remind people of how they should behave . It usually wears off after a couple of days . They can 't understand why it hasn 't for you . " " That 's . . . " Sam trailed off , shook her hair back from her face . " Maybe it 'll just take longer for us , because we 're from Earth , not their planet . " " Vala ? " Sam asked . Vala looked up , her eyes wide and bright . " It 'll be okay , " she said firmly . " I promise . " And as if that hadn 't been enough to set Cam 's few remaining unringing alarm bells to ringing , the way she hugged both of them , hard and tight , was more than enough to do it . " It 's an incantation , " Jackson explained over the conference table . Cam wanted to reach for Sam 's hand again , but they were both sitting with their hands neatly on the table , the purple washed out of their hair . Professionals , even if they were professionals who weren 't old enough to vote . " They demonstrated it on two of the villagers , it wore off after a couple of days . " " Don 't they have some incantation to reverse it ? " Sam asked . No - one said anything about how she wasn 't wanting to know what the science behind the incantation was . " They 've never had to , " Jackson said , apologetic . " You 're the only two it 's never worn off for . They 're really sorry . Two of their leading researchers are searching their archives for some kind of - for a way to reverse it . " He didn 't sound hopeful . Cam didn 't blame him - he 'd seen the Quizelri 's archives , and they made under - funded public school libraries look well stocked . If there was anything , they 'd probably have found it already . They ended up , just the two of them , in Sam 's quarters , sitting together against the foot of her bed , which they never would have otherwise , most of the lights turned off . " What do you think the SGC will do to us ? " Cam asked , drawing his knees up so he could rest his chin on them . Sam shrugged again . " We 're different . I mean , we 're the real us , there aren 't original versions of us running around as well . And it didn 't go very well with Jack 's clone . " Cam had never asked ; the files were above even his security clearance . Sam clearly knew , but he was suddenly sure he didn 't want to know . " But probably we couldn 't stay here , " he said , not sure if he was asking or not . " Probably not , " Sam said . She was quiet for a minute , then shuffled a little close and rested her head on his shoulder . Apparently , the idea came from Jackson , or at least that was what the grapevine said . There 'd been an argument about the ethics of just sending them out into the world , or making them redo all their qualifications , when they still remembered the content , and Landry had declared that they could hardly stay at the SGC . " Atlantis ? " Cam said , when Landry put it to the two of them . He couldn 't look at Sam , not sure what she knew , or might read on his face . " I 'm sure Dr McKay would be grateful for Samantha - Colonel Carter 's - expertise in the labs , " Landry said . He wasn 't the only one who 'd started defaulting to their names over the last few days , though at least everyone still corrected themselves . Cam wasn 't looking forward to that stopping . Cam didn 't need a translation for that - he 'd be the scientists ' dogsbody , unless he could convince John that he should be put on a gate team , or attached to the marines . He pushed the thought away , then went back to it . " What did Dr Weir and Colonel Sheppard say ? " " They 're amenable to the idea , " Landry said , which Cam figured meant they 'd given in less than gracefully , or been forced to . And also meant that John knew . " I 'm not trying to tell either of you what to do , " Landry said . " If you 'd rather stay on Earth , we can arrange that . You 'd have to sever all contact with the program , except for a contact person , until you were eighteen . " Cam looked over , found Sam looking at him , her decision on her face . " What about - " he started , and had to clear his throat . " What will you tell everyone on Earth ? Our families ? " Cam thought about being on Earth , being close enough to get on a plane and go visit his parents or his brother and not being able to because they 'd never believe he wasn 't who he was . He tried not to think that Sam was lucky , only her brother and Cassie left , and they were Cassie 's age now , give or take . " Okay , " he said . " If Sam wants to - we 'll go . " Landry sent someone to their apartments to pack them up , since it was kind of risky to send them , and also because the SGC seemed disinclined to let them out of the mountain , ever , as though they were worried that the two of them might cut and run . Sam went to pack up some of her things in the lab , which she was allowed to take , since she was going in an actual role . Cam wasn 't even allowed to take his nine millimeter , which was pretty ridiculous , since he 'd almost certainly be issued a new one once he got to Atlantis . It meant he didn 't have much packing to do , and so when someone knocked at his door , he was sitting on his bed staring at his empty hands . He thought about not answering , or telling them to go away , but he was about to leave the galaxy he 'd lived in for nearly forty years , possibly forever . The least he could do was say goodbye to the people he could say goodbye to . His visitor turned out to be Teal ' c , which was better than most of his options . " Colonel Mitchell , " he said , inclining his head slightly . " Not any more . " They 'd both been given new paperwork that morning - same names , since neither of them exactly had uncommon names , and even the same qualifications for Sam , now legally a child prodigy . " You want to come in ? " " Thanks , " Cam said , trying to smile . People kept saying that , until he was starting to feel like it might be easier if they just told him he was stuck like this , until he grew up again . " Did Landry say who 's going to take over SG1 ? " " He did not . " Teal ' c came and sat next to Cam , who felt suddenly very small , even though he was only a couple of inches shorter like this . " I believe he is struggling to find someone he considers a worthy replacement for the two of you . " Cam nodded , looking down , horrified to feel his throat closing up . " I don 't want to go , " he said quietly . It wasn 't like he had any dignity left to lose , now . " You have done other things that were harder , " Teal ' c said . Cam took a very shaky breath . He wasn 't going to cry - he was thirty - nine , or sixteen , or whatever , and he wasn 't going to cry . " You 'll visit , right ? " he asked , hoping Teal ' c would ignore the tremor in his voice . They were supposed to dial in to the midway station late afternoon , so Cam went to find Sam at a little past four . She was in her office , a pad of paper on the desk in front of her . " What you doing ? " he asked . She looked up , startled , then laughed . " I was trying to re - write my goodbye letters to Mark and Cassie . Except I keep trying to write stuff in so they 'll guess that I 'm not really dead . " Cam didn 't say that , as far as their families were concerned , they * were * dead , that neither of them would ever see their families again . He thought it was partly because he 'd tried to do the same thing , and had the same problem . " Dial in 's soon , " he said instead . Sam nodded and put her notepad into the desk drawer . When she looked up , her face was troubled . " I feel like I pressured you into this , " she said . Cam shrugged . " Couldn 't let you go off to another galaxy without backup , " he said , pretty much failing to hit light - hearted , if Sam 's face was anything to go by . " What about John ? " Sam asked , which answered the question of whether she knew . It was worrying , for a minute , since he didn 't know where he 'd slipped up , until he remembered that it didn 't matter any more . " I think the Air Force would frown on him being involved with a guy who isn 't even legal , " he said , not even sure which part he was bitter about . " I don 't want to talk about it . " Which was made even worse by knowing that he 'd have to , later , with John , who was still the worst person at talking about things of anyone Cam knew . When they stepped into Atlantis , Dr Weir came down the stairs to meet them , smiling like it wasn 't at all weird to have two sixteen year old ex - gate team members coming to her city . " Dr Carter , Mr . Mitchell , " she said , and only winced a little , which Cam couldn 't exactly blame her for . Carter 's name sounded okay ; his sounded ridiculous . " Welcome back to Atlantis . " " Thanks , " Sam said brightly , already looking around . Nothing dampened Sam 's scientific curiosity for long . " Um , you should just call me Sam , though . Dr Carter doesn 't sound right any more . " " All right . Sam . " Weir looked at Cam , and he nodded his consent . " We 've assigned a couple of people to act as guides for your first couple of days , so you don 't get lost . " She nodded to a couple of marines Cam didn 't recognize , who didn 't look much older than him and Sam . " Colonel Sheppard and Dr McKay intended to be here to welcome you , but they 've been delayed off - world . " She handed over two radio ear pieces . " Major Lorne 's tied up with something , but he 'll radio you when he 's free , and go over some of the things you need to know . " Sam was already fitting on her ear piece . It shouldn 't have made her look like she belonged there , since she , like Cam , was still in her blue uniform , but somehow it did . He wanted , stupidly , to reach for her hand , make sure she didn 't go on without him . " I 'll let the two of you get settled , " Weir said , still smiling . " My door 's always open if you need me . " The two marines took Weir 's place as she stepped back , one of them bending down to pick up Sam 's case . She did a little double - take . " I can take that , " she said . " It 's no problem , ma ' am , " the marine said , grinning at her , and Cam realized with a vague sense of horror that he was attracted to Sam . Which wasn 't all that weird , except for the way he was smiling at her , like he thought he had a chance or something . He wondered how many people in the city knew who they were . The other marine rolled his eyes , stopped when he caught Cam looking at him , then shrugged a little . " This way . PFC Rob Morris , this one 's PFC Charlie Wilson . " " Good to meet you , " Morris said , still grinning . He probably fit right in with John 's marines , who had a tendency to be freakishly cheerful for a group of people at constant war with the wraith . " Makes a change not to be the youngest person in the city . " Lorne looked like he was having the same problem , which was kind of unnerving , considering how well they 'd always gotten along . He looked at Cam for a long moment , then reached out and rubbed his shoulder . " I 'm sorry , " he said . " Is it better if I don 't say maybe someone will be able to fix it ? " Lorne asked . Cam nodded . " Sheppard 's - " Cam shook his head . Lorne knew about them , since they both trusted him , and John was often a reckless idiot who did his best to send Cam into a nervous breakdown , but that still didn 't make this something Cam wanted to talk about . " Okay , " Lorne said quietly . " Let 's get Carter and we 'll talk . " He stayed where he was , staring at the skyline of Atlantis in the dark from his window . He pretty much knew what the outcome would be , without the conversation , because he was sixteen , * felt * sixteen , a little more every day , and he wondered how long it would be until he woke up feeling like the last twenty real years had been a dream , until he couldn 't remember how it had felt to be twenty , thirty , thirty - five . Nothing said ' it 's over ' quite like being de - aged to a teenager , and John had to know it as well . Sam came to his quarters before breakfast , dressed in an Atlantis uniform , with blue science team panels . She rolled her eyes when she saw Cam still in his blue BDUs . " You stand out more than the wraith , " she said firmly , nudging him back into the room . " Get changed . " Sam looked at him for a long moment when she turned around , then shook herself a little . Cam could sympathize - he 'd just about gotten used to her being sixteen , but she didn 't look right in Atlantis gray . " Green panels , " she said , gesturing at his jacket . " That 's different . " Sam hesitated , then nodded . " I was looking through the database last night , " she said , following Cam out into the corridors . " I think there might be some stuff in there about making ZPMs . McKay thinks I 'm crazy , but I 'm pretty sure he 's just jealous . " " Actually , I 'm too young for him , " Sam said , her smile fading . Cam put a bottle of orange juice on her tray . " Good . What kind of self - respecting woman dates a marine ? " They took a table in the corner , and Cam sat with his back to the room , because it made Sam nervous not to be able to see what was coming . Him too , but he was better at it than she was , or else she just let him indulge the urge to be protective of her . " We should email the others , " Sam said , buttering her toast . " Let them know we 're okay . " Cam nodded , sipping his coffee , even though it didn 't taste right any more . He 'd learned to like it at the Academy , first time round . " Shame you can 't buy postcards here . " Sam smiled . " I can just see the - " she started , then stopped , looking over Cam 's shoulder . When she didn 't say anything , Cam turned as well , to find himself face to face with John , who looked like he was standing there under extreme duress . Possibly because the rest of his team were sitting together on the balcony and studiously not watching him , where Cam hadn 't been able to see them before . " We need to talk , " John said , not quite looking at Cam . " Meet me in my office in ten minutes . " Cam was early , even though he 'd wanted to linger , make himself late , put it off , but John was already there , leaning on the edge of his desk , looking down at the floor . He looked tired , like Cam felt , and Cam wanted , again , to turn around , go back and not have the conversation he knew they had to have . " I 'm sorry , " he said , when it became clear John wasn 't going to say anything . " I didn 't ask to come here . I wanted to tell you what happened , but I kept hoping they 'd figure out a way to reverse it . I 'm sorry - " " Stop , " John said quietly . He 'd stopped looking at Cam again , not that Cam could blame him . " Just - it 's not your fault . " " I 'm still sorry , " Cam said , because he was , more sorry than he 'd ever be able to put into words , for all of it . " I know , " John said . " Look , I know you know this , but - " He made a vague gesture between the two of them . " It has to be over . " It hurt way more than it had any right to , when Cam had known it was coming . He nodded , not wanting to say anything . Not sure what to say . John moved , like he 'd thought about reaching for Cam and changed his mind . It was probably a good thing , no matter how much Cam wanted it . " Me too , " John said . " I think you should probably go . " Rob drew him a couple of feet away , out of the main stream of traffic , and didn 't let go of his arm . " Are you sure ? Has something happened ? " Cam shook his head . " Rough morning , " he offered , the words coming out too quiet . Rob was silent for a moment , then let go of his arm . " You 're supposed to be reporting to Dr Beckett for the gene therapy , right ? " he asked . Cam nodded . " Okay , so I 'll ask Major Lorne if you can do it tomorrow . He said to be nice to you guys . " Cam could imagine Lorne saying exactly that , and it made him feel a bit better . " Can you find your way back to your quarters ? " Cam nodded again , and Rob touched his shoulder . " I 'll come by at lunch , okay ? " After a couple of weeks , it got to be mostly bearable . He hardly saw John , which made it easier , or should have done , except for how he was in John 's city , and everything made him think of John . The gene therapy took , so he got to fly the jumpers , mostly on supply runs to the mainland with scientists who ignored him , and it wasn 't 302s over Antarctica , or SG1 , but it was something . He and Sam still had breakfast together every morning , which Cam was grateful for every day , watching her turn into a pure scientist and waiting for the day she drifted too far away from him . And Rob , having apparently decided that Cam needed someone to look out for him , kept dragging him along to things with the other young marines : football games from the Daedalus , video game tournaments , basketball in the huge room at the bottom of tower three . Which was how Cam ended up in the infirmary , his head bleeding through the towel he was holding to the gash , Rob hovering like he thought Cam was going to faint . A young blond woman in the medical staff 's yellow - paneled jacket came out of the office when Rob called , pulling on gloves and frowning . " But we 're working on it , " Rob added , also not for the first time . The doctor looked at him . " Well , you 'll have to work on him another time . I don 't need an audience . " " Cam . " The doctor smiled , and it made her look even younger . " I thought so . Carolyn mentioned that you and Dr Carter are new here as well . I 'm Dr Keller . Jennifer . " Jennifer poked around the cut , the reached for the antiseptic . " This is going to need stitches . On the Daedalus a couple of days ago , to work with Dr Beckett . I was at the SGC for a while before that , but I don 't think we met . " " No . " Cam had tried , at first , to meet everyone in the Mountain , but there were too many people and staff turnover was too high , and he 'd given it up after a little over a month . He hadn 't even bothered trying on Atlantis . " Better late then never , " Jennifer said , then , " Let me numb this , hold still . " She reached for a needle , and Cam closed his eyes , suddenly squeamish . Jennifer smoothed his hair back , and left her hand there as she injected the anesthetic . Cam closed his eyes tighter , trying not to lean into it , flooded with the sense memory of his mom doing the same thing . They had to have been told by now . He wondered if they 'd had the funeral . If they would , or if they 'd keep on hoping . Jennifer let him go with a gauze pad over the stitches and instructions to go back in a couple of days so she could check on him , and Cam wandered out into the evening quiet of the city . He was already starting to get used to Atlantis ' rhythm , the way it got quiet for a couple of hours then started buzzing again in the run up to midnight , full of night owls and insomniacs . It was kind of nice , feeling part of it , even if he knew he wasn 't , not really . Even if Sam could , he couldn 't stay in Atlantis forever , floating around with nothing much to do , waiting for something to change . When he turned the corner , John was coming the other way , wearing jeans and a black fleece , obviously off - duty , looking worried , hurrying . It took him a couple of seconds to see Cam , even in the empty corridor , so that when he looked up and stopped , he was almost close enough to touch . Closer than he 'd been to Cam in weeks . " What 's wrong ? " Cam asked . " I 'm fine , " Cam said automatically , not sure what else to say in the face of John 's obvious worry for him , the warmth of the connection that hadn 't faded away . " Yeah . " John took a step towards him , not quite enough to be too close , but right on the edge of it , until Cam thought he could feel John 's body heat . It felt so familiar , like Jennifer 's hand on his forehead but a thousand times stronger , and he wanted to step into it , let John touch the bandage and say something worried and fond . . . Except John was twice his age now , more , and how would it look , to someone who didn 't know ? To someone who did ? John seemed to come to the realization at the same moment , because he reversed the step forward that he 'd taken , his expression blanking out . " Good to see you 're okay , " he said , all the worry and warmth and care gone from his voice , and Cam tried not to shiver with the loss . " Thanks for coming to check , " he said . John nodded , back to not quite looking at him . " I think Carter 's looking for you , " he said . " Thanks , " Cam said again , and turned to take a different corridor , towards the labs , so that he wouldn 't have to watch John walk away . Cam wasn 't really sure why he kept dropping by the infirmary , even after Jennifer declared him fit and healthy with no ill effects from being knocked about the head . He had a lot of free time , a lot more than he should have had , and most of the things that he used to do to fill it weren 't available on Atlantis . Not that he 'd had a lot of free time , since joining SG1 , and maybe that was his problem , that he was used to being busy and important and now he was neither . So he kept going by the infirmary instead , seeking out Jennifer in her office , where she 'd pour them both coffee that Cam still didn 't really like the taste of , and tell him stories from med school , or sometimes , late at night when everyone else in the place was asleep , about weird cases from the SGC , or from Atlantis , swearing him to secrecy with a gleeful , guilty look . After a while , she started giving him stuff to do while he was there : making up the little packs she gave to people with minor injuries , or stock - checking , and , after he helped out when she needed a spare pair of hands , minor stuff with actual patients , while she stood next to him and made sure he was doing it right . Cam kept expecting someone to come along and tell him to stop , but no - one did . Jennifer called him her med student , and made him retake all the field medicine he 'd done before , then gave him books for more advanced stuff . He didn 't ask Jennifer if she 'd gotten permission ; he thought maybe she liked having him around , someone close to her age , and at least he felt like he was doing something , even if he wasn 't entirely sure that he wanted to be on the road Jennifer had put him on . Whatever the reason , she let him keep sticking around , which was why he spent all day one Friday helping her and two nurses to vaccinate everyone in the city against a particularly virulent form of space flu that Stackhouse 's team had brought back with them from their last mission . And why he didn 't realize , until it was late and dark , and Jennifer had gone to Sergeant Li 's quarters to check on her recovery , leaving Cam alone to finish tidying up , that the low hum of voices he 'd been hearing for a while were John and Teyla . He hesitated , box of unused medical wipes in one hand , trying to hear what they were saying . They didn 't sound hurt or impatient , but Dr Biro , the other doctor on call with Jennifer , had run down to the mess for dinner , and Cam would have to call her back if John or Teyla needed medical attention . He put the box down and crept towards the door into the main infirmary . He hadn 't spoken to John since he 'd hit his head , had barely even seen him , and didn 't want to . It was easier to pretend that it didn 't still hurt if he didn 't have to see John and be reminded . The lights had been lowered , and at first all Cam could make out was the vague shapes of Teyla 's and John 's bodies , sitting so close together that they barely looked like two people . They had their backs to him , facing an infirmary bed . Cam squinted , just enough to make out another person , unmoving in the bed , the outline long enough that it had to be Ronon . Beckett must have treated him before he left for the night . Cam closed his eyes for a moment , as though that would block out her voice , frozen where he stood . " I - " John said , and the shadowed outline of him dropped his head in a gesture Cam recognized as him giving in to having to talk about something he didn 't want to . " I used to wish . . . And now he 's here and he 's sixteen years old . " " You did not do this , John , " Teyla said . " It feels like he 's dead , " John said , his voice cracking . Cam curled his hands into fists , so tight it hurt , and tried not to imagine that , tried not to think that John had been walking around for months hurting the same way he was , not telling anyone . At least Cam had Sam , and maybe they didn 't talk about it , but she knew . He 'd always assumed that John had his team , but maybe not , or not the way Cam had thought . " And every time I see him , it 's like - remembering all over again that he 's not but he might as well be . " " You are allowed to grieve , " Teyla said , her hand moving to John 's arm . " Even if he is not dead , you have still lost something . Both of you , and Dr Carter as well . " " I wish , " John started , then trailed into a long silence . When he broke it , he sounded utterly defeated . " He 's lost everything . He 's just a teenager , and he 's lost everything . " And he didn 't say the rest , but Cam heard it , or hoped he heard it , anyway : I wish I could help him . Cam 's mom always used to say eavesdroppers never hear anything good about themselves and while that wasn 't strictly true in this case , it was true in the spirit at least , because he wished he 'd never listened in , never heard John hurting . He 'd always , always been able to do something , before , even if it wasn 't a hell of a lot from another galaxy , and now it was like his old self 's feelings had combined with his own feelings , made them more . Made his helplessness more , because even if he could go to John and offer comfort , that would just make it worse , for both of them . Cam shrugged . " I think I might like to go to college , " he said . Not to the air force again . Even if he 'd half - forgotten what happened to him while he was in , he didn 't want to live that life over again , knowing that he 'd already done the most amazing things the air force would ever be able to offer him . Knowing the limits that being in would put on him , how much he 'd sometimes wish that he 'd made different choices , even if those choices would have meant never having the things he didn 't want to deny . It hung between them for a second , the suggestion that , if they just waited long enough , someone might fix this . Cam figured he could give it two years - a little less , now . Two years was long enough to give up hoping . She sounded like she was quoting someone , though Cam couldn 't figure out who . He nodded instead . " Okay . But I 'm not helping you hide the body . " Sam turned to grin at him , looking for a moment exactly like her old self . " I don 't want to kill him . Just leave him cowering in the corner . " " Oh , well , as long as you only want to totally crush his spirit . . . " Cam said dryly . He turned around to look for a seat , and saw Jennifer trying to catch his eye , waving . " Sit with Jennifer ? " " Sure , " Sam said . When they got there , Lorne and Katie Brown had joined Jennifer , shifting their seats to make room . Cam ended up sat next to Lorne , who gave him a brief smile . " Are you coming to the infirmary this morning ? " Jennifer asked Cam , swirling her spoon through a bowl of oatmeal . Cam glanced over at Katie , who nodded permission - he 'd been doing some stuff for botany for the last few days . " Actually , " Katie said , turning to Jennifer , " I was hoping you could come to the labs , I 've got another batch of ferns to test . . . " He 'd thought he was adjusting , more or less - not like Sam , who barely seemed to notice , most days , that she was sixteen and not an air force officer , but adjusting . He couldn 't get John 's voice out of his head though , even more so than before . Couldn 't seem to stop dreaming about him , about what he still thought of as his real life , and wanted to stop thinking of that way . He tried to spend more time with the young marines , Rob and his friends , where they treated him like the person he was supposed to be , made it easier to pretend . Rob especially , who was , out of all of them , more like a friend , and Rob didn 't seem to mind that Cam was around more . Seemed to welcome it , in fact , coming by Cam 's quarters some evenings to persuade him to join in with whatever they were doing , and , a couple of times , coming by on his own , with a DVD or a computer game to play on Cam 's laptop , which was , apparently , far superior to Rob 's . Cam thought , later , that he should have seen it coming . Would have seen it coming , if he hadn 't been thinking about John so much , if he 'd been sleeping better , if he didn 't still half see Rob as a kid too young for him . But he didn 't see it , not until Rob , sitting beside Cam on his bed , turned off the end credits , and leaned over Cam , and kissed him . Rob was nineteen and horny and impatient , and it hurt when he pushed into Cam , though not as much as Cam had thought it might . More than it had for a while , and for much longer than it had for more than a while . Cam still came , Rob 's hand on him , shuddering so hard he felt his teeth chattering . Rob left after a while , with a parting kiss to Cam 's shoulder . Cam , curled up a little on his side , thought Rob assumed he was asleep , and didn 't bother to correct the misassumption . He waited , until he was so cold he was shivering , then forced himself to move enough to pull the bedclothes over his still naked body , over his head , and lay there , eyes closed but wide awake . He nodded , just enough for her to see the movement , not ready to see her yet . " What 's wrong ? " she asked , voice gone high with worry . " Are you sick , shall I get Jennifer ? " Cam ducked his head , not wanting to meet her eyes . He knew he looked a mess - felt it , eyes itchy from crying , skin tight , hair gone crazy . He wished she 'd just leave him alone to burrow back under the covers and hide away , and the fear from that thought made him clutch at her arms , like she was clutching at his . " Tell me what happened , Cam , " she said again . She did that when she was worried , he remembered , used people 's names more , like she was trying to hold them to her with it . He shuddered , couldn 't help it , and Sam pulled him close again . He went , gratefully . " That 's not all , " she said quietly , her voice close to his ear . " You haven 't been okay for weeks now . " There was a long pause , like she was waiting for him to admit it , or deny it . Sam sighed . " I think maybe - Dr Heightmeyer keeps trying to get us to see her . I think maybe you should go . " Cam thought maybe she should go , that it couldn 't be normal to have adjusted to this as fast as she had , and that he was entitled to a little depression . Except he knew what a little depression felt like , and he knew what he 'd felt like , partway through physio after his crash , when his improvement had plateaued and he 'd felt like he 'd never get better , like he couldn 't even try . This was too close to that , and he could admit that it scared him Cam didn 't know how Sam figured out more or less what had happened and with whom , but he was sure that she had , because Rob , instead of turning up again , friend or potentially something more , started keeping his distance from Cam . It meant that the other young marines , who 'd always seemed to be mostly following his lead with Cam , started doing the same , and suddenly Cam was a lot more alone . He barely had time to notice , let alone care , before Dr Beckett was killed , and everything changed . Cam was on his feet before he thought about it , moving towards the sound of the blast on instinct , when Jennifer caught his arm . " Don 't , " she said , her face pale , but her eyes determined . " Wait . " There was a long , long pause . Jennifer didn 't take her hand off his arm , and after a little while , Cam moved , until they were holding hands . Beckett had been removing the tumor , ready to hand it off to the disposal team . Beckett had to be dead , and so did the person they 'd sent to meet him . Her face was still pale , and she looked like she was holding it together by a very thin thread . " The blast damaged part of the main corridor into the infirmary , " she said . " We 're to set up in an auxiliary lab two levels down until - until the marines have finished clearing up . It shouldn 't be for more than a day or two . " He knew he 'd given himself away when Jennifer reached for his hand again , squeezed it quickly . " A marine . I don 't know his name . " " Hey , " Cam said quietly . John didn 't start , like Cam had half - expected , just turned , slowly , to look at him , expression unchanging and blank . " What do you need ? " he asked , sounding like he looked , like the military commander of a city . " I wanted to see how you 're doing , " Cam said , honest and awkward . He felt sixteen , like this , even though John was , for once , not looking at him like that was who he saw . " I 'm fine , " John said , dismissive . " I 'm sorry , " Cam said , which he probably should have said first . He 'd hated doing this before ; it was even worse now that he was sixteen and clumsy . " About Dr Beckett and your marine . " He understood , he just didn 't know how to get past it , when he would have before . He hovered , instead , while John didn 't quite look at him , but didn 't look away either . Finally , John shifted , met Cam 's eyes . " Thank you for checking on me , " he said , offering up a small smile . " I 'm . . . glad you did . " That hurt , but it was a familiar hurt , now , buried under the loss until it became dull . " I wanted to make sure you were okay , " Cam said , even though he 'd known that John wouldn 't be . " In the explosion , I was worried it might have been you . " " No , " John said , stating the obvious . He looked down , and when he met Cam 's eyes again , there was regret cracking through the blankness . " I have to get this done , I 'm sorry . " Cam didn 't go to any of the funerals . The one for the marine , Sergeant Collins , was military only , and he didn 't belong there . He didn 't belong at Beckett 's funeral either , held in the gate - room with much more pomp and circumstance than Atlantis funerals usually had , even in his limited experience . A week later , Jennifer found him down in biology , feeding carrots to the sort of rabbit thing that they had down there . She still looked tired - exhausted , actually - but there was a brightness about her that Cam hadn 't seen since before the explosion . " I 've been looking everywhere for you , " she said , the brightness in her voice as well . He couldn 't work out what it was - happiness ? Pride ? Excitement ? Something like that . " Come on , we need you and Dr Carter in the conference room . " " Why ? " Cam asked , shutting the cage door and trying not to think about Earth , about all the crises that might have hit . " I 'll tell you when we get there , " Jennifer said , actually grabbing his arm and pulling him a few steps , until she was apparently satisfied that he 'd come on his own . " Hurry up . " " I think everyone 's here now , " Weir said . She had her game face on , but there was definitely a smile in the corner of her eyes . Next to John , it worried Cam even more . " Rodney , Dr Keller , why don 't you go ahead ? " McKay took a breath , but Jennifer was faster , spinning to face Cam and Sam , her eyes bright . " We found a way to reverse the change , " she said , so fast that it took Cam a second to understand the words . " We ? " McKay asked . " Yes , we , " Zelenka said firmly . " This was a team effort , Rodney , even you must admit that . We could not have done this without Jennifer and - the medical staff . " " Forget who 's responsible , " Sam said , echoing Cam 's thoughts . " You 've really found a way to do this ? To change us back ? " " Not a way , " McKay corrected . " A device . It 's been almost right under our noses this whole time , if only the Ancients had managed to leave us with some kind of logical searching tool for their database of everything they knew about everything - " McKay gave her a quick look , then picked up again . " We think they were experimenting with ways to reverse the effects of a wraith feeding - the device was actually designed to de - age a person on a cellular level . Given the time , it wasn 't all that difficult to make it do the opposite . It 's even programmable to do a set number of years and months . We could take you right back to the age you were when you were de - aged , or add in the six months since it happened , it 's that precise . " " Experimenting ? " Cam asked , before everyone could get swept up in the miracle of the science . From the corner of his eye , he saw John move slightly to look at him , and knew he 'd asked the right question , that this was why John was frightened . " It doesn 't look like they ever managed to make it work on victims of the wraith , " Jennifer said immediately . " The other effects on the body of being fed on were just too much for a simple de - aging to reverse , and their victims tended to . . . Um . " " And we have done several very successful experiments with the lab mice , " Zelenka added . " Oh well , as long as the mice survived okay , " Cam said , which made Ronon crack a smile , even if no - one else did . " There 's no reason to think that this won 't be perfectly safe on two healthy , um , adults , " McKay said defensively , and Cam wondered , suddenly , who 'd convinced him to work on the device , who 'd even found it . He wasn 't quite ready to suspect John 's direct hand , and it was possible , of course , that McKay had done it for Sam , but Cam suspected that he 'd really done it for John . It made him feel a little better , some kind of proof that John 's team really were looking out for him , even if John wasn 't really letting them in very far . " You don 't have to make a decision right now , " Weir said smoothly . " Either of you . We can provide you with all of the research team 's notes on the device , and their testing procedures , and of course you 're welcome to discuss it further with any of them . This isn 't a limited time offer , you can take as long as you like to think about it , but we wanted to offer it to you as soon as we were sure it was safe to do so . " " I 'll put my notes in as well , " Jennifer offered . " Great , " Sam said . She stood up , so Cam followed her . " Thanks . " " What do you think ? " Sam asked . The two of them were huddled together over her laptop on her bed , Cam reading over her shoulder and Sam explaining the bits that were beyond his level of understanding . Cam shrugged . He thought he understood most of what the notes had said , what the device would do and how , but he 'd been relying on Sam for two years to tell him yes or no based on the science , and it was proving to be a hard habit to break . " It should work , " Sam said , scrolling through the last few lines again . " There 's nothing in here to suggest that it won 't . " " Except for them never having tested it on any humans who survived , " Cam felt compelled to point out , even though he did more or less understand that they were different . " Except for that , " Sam agreed . " But there comes a point where everything has to be tested out in real conditions . " " Are you going to do it ? " Cam asked . Sam rubbed her finger over the touchpad of the laptop , watching the curser dance . " Yeah , " she said , eventually . " I think - I still remember my old life , I want to have it back , before it 's too late to get it back , even if they do reverse this . I think it 's worth the risk . " He didn 't have to find John , could have gone to Weir with Sam , said yes and left it at that , trusting her to pass the message on . Except that felt too much like the first change , when Landry had broken the bad news without really knowing what he was doing , and Cam wanted to be the one to say it this time . Wanted to see John 's face , when he knew . It was late , late enough for John not to be in his office . That was no guarantee that he wouldn 't be out somewhere else in the city , but the only place Cam could have the conversation was John 's quarters , so he went there , first time since he 'd moved into Atlantis . There was , he told himself , absolutely no reason to be acting like a nervous teenager picking up his date for the first time . No reason to assume that there would be anybody there except for John . It still took him over a minute to work up the courage to sound the chime . John was not , generally , given to early nights , and Cam wondered , suddenly , if John had been sleeping at all over the past few days . If he 'd know that McKay and Zelenka and Jennifer were close and had been worrying . " I 'm still sorry , " he said . " I should go . " John rubbed his eyes , dragged his hand through his hair , and when he looked at Cam again , he seemed more alert . " No , it 's okay . Come in . " John , turning around , noticed , and waved awkwardly to the cream leather chairs by his window . " Do you want something to drink ? Coffee , or . . . " " I 'm fine , " Cam said , putting him out of his misery , and sitting down . John dragged the bed clothes into some semblance of order , then made the gesture totally pointless by taking the other chair , twisting slightly to look at Cam . " You decided to go through with it then . " John shook his head , smiling slightly , though it didn 't look very amused . " You wouldn 't have come here otherwise . " He hesitated , then added quietly , " I know you . " " I don 't think I 'm an impartial judge , " John said , deflecting . " I want it to work too much . " Cam risked a quick glance up , and saw that John was looking as intently at his own hands as Cam was . " I trust Jennifer , and Zelenka , " he said , then felt compelled by honesty to add , " And McKay . " " I don 't want it to be me either , " Cam said firmly . " Or Sam . But there 's never going to be anyone I do want it to be . " Cam hadn 't actually thought about that part of going back to Earth . Being so near John and not being able to be what they had been was torture , even compared to how they 'd been before , which hadn 't been the most fun he 'd ever had , but , as much as he loved the idea of being with John all the time , he knew he couldn 't stay on Atlantis . The past six months had proved that there wasn 't a place for him , and even older , back to what and who he should be , that wouldn 't change . " Can we . . . " he started , then stopped , afraid to ask . Afraid of what the answer might be . " Do you think we 'll remember this , after the device changes us back ? " " That 's good , " Cam said , even though he wasn 't completely sure that it was . Having a six month gap in his memory would be pretty odd , but he suspected that they wouldn 't be able to go back to being their old selves as easily as everyone was implying . With each other , at least , they 'd gotten a lot closer , shared a lot that they hadn 't before . The dynamic would be different too , after Sam had been the strong one , instead of both of them . " Yeah , " John said , then , before Cam could say anything else to keep the conversation from dying and him having to leave , " I want to - afterwards , I want to - " He stopped again , but Cam had always been good at reading between John 's lines . " I miss you so much , " he said , letting all of his heartache show . " I want to go back to like we used to be , I want , I want . . . " Except he wasn 't any better , right now , at saying things , not when what he wanted to say was I love you , please , don 't end it . " Oh God , " John said , sounding broken and hurting , and he was close , suddenly , closer than he 'd been since Cam was thirty - nine , and Cam closed the last of the distance without thinking about it , found John 's mouth with his , John 's hand closing over the back of his neck to hold him close . Kissing John when he was sixteen felt different to kissing John when he was thirty - nine , but the way that John kissed was still exactly the same , like John was using the kiss to say what he didn 't have the words for , and it was so , so easy to fall into it like he always had . When John pulled away , it was so sudden that Cam nearly over - balanced . " I shouldn 't be doing this , " John said , though his hands , still on the bare skin of Cam 's neck , his arm , said different . " You 're sixteen . " Cam shuddered , letting a tiny bit of his terror run through his body . " Can I stay here tonight ? " he asked . " I 'll sleep on the floor , I don 't care . " John pulled him close , not quite a hug . " You don 't have to sleep on the floor , " he said , clear invitation that made every muscle in Cam 's body go limp with relief . " Just don 't roll over in the night , you 'll fall out of bed . " Cam and Sam flipped a coin to see who would go first , and Cam won . It made John , who 'd been closed off and worried when they woke up , go even quieter than he had been , and Sam offer best two out of three . Cam shook his head . " Someone 's got to go first . At least if it kills me , you might be able to fix it . " " It won 't kill you , " Jennifer said firmly . Some of her excitement from the day before was gone , like she 'd just realized that their friendship would change , probably irrevocably , once Cam was changed back . He wanted to hug her , but it didn 't seem right any more . " We 're ready , " Zelenka said , at his elbow . The device , which looked a bit like the pictures Cam had seen of the device that had nearly ascended McKay , now had a glowing blue patch on the step . " Stand there , and we will do everything else . Probably there will be some pain . " " Now he tells me , " Cam grumbled , but he stepped up with only a hint of trepidation . The assembled small crowd stepped well back , obviously used to the mysterious workings of Ancient devices . Cam sought out John 's eyes , waited for John to meet his , and offered up a smile . John 's answering smile was still touched with worry , but that , weirdly , made Cam feel better . It was nice , knowing that John could worry about him again , with only the usual , grown - up issues to be concerned about . " I 'm ready , " he said , and closed his eyes as the blue light washed over him , washing this version of him away .
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Trent Malloy tried to focus as he looked around the small room for the source of the noise . He concentrated on the smaller room off of the main one . He groped around for the small buzzer by his bed , pushed it , and waited . No one came . He sighed and closed his eyes , trying to block out the sound and get back to sleep . He finally had enough of the annoying sound , climbed unsteadily out of his bed and stumbled as he made his way to the bathroom . He flicked the light on , cringing against the brightness , but the noise remained . He turned the light off again , sighing as he still heard the noise . " Hello , " he whispered in a horse voice . He put a hand on his throat and swallowed . " Hello ? " He stumbled again as the medication from his recent tonsillectomy caused the hall to fade and move in front of him . He walked slowly to the nurse 's station and looked around . Trent pointed to the nurse on the floor . " Help … " he trailed off when he noticed blood on the other man 's sleeve . He took a step back and stared momentarily . He saw the needle too late and felt pain as it jabbed into his side . " Amazing trick you got there Trent … I never saw your lips move at all , " Carlos said . He looked at Ryan . " If Trent said he saw it , then he saw it . " Ryan sighed . " Your friend was pumped so full of drugs after his operation yesterday , that there 's no telling what he imagined . " He closed his notebook . " I 'll file this , and then get back to you . " Carlos moved out of the way as Ryan walked out the door . He went to the side of the bed . " Are you feeling okay ? " he asked . Trent nodded . " What did you see last night ? " Captain Simon Transerpt looked up as a knock sounded on his office door . " Come in ! " he called out . Detective Tiffany Chambers walked in and stood in front of the desk . " About time you showed up , " he said . " Yes , sir ! " Tiffany clasped her hands at the small of her back . She smiled at the stricken look on her Captain 's face . " You wanted to see me ? " " Since Gabe is off for six weeks on parental leave , you get a new partner , " Simon told her . " I have half a mind to stick you with Ryan . " For a brief instant , he could see a panic look in Tiffany 's eyes . " But , I decided that I do not need the aggravation that would cause . " Tiffany sighed in relief . She had started off on the wrong foot with Detective Ryan , and it just seemed to get worse as the time went by . " So , who am I getting ? " Tiffany sighed . " IA does not like me … they think that I 'm a , uh , disruptive influence to the force , " she stated . " Ohhh , I get it . " She nodded . " The newest trouble maker gets partnered with the older trouble maker , and IA keeps themselves so busy trying to catch us at something that they leave everyone else alone . " Detective Jennifer Hendricks looked around the squad room slowly . A few people looked at her and smiled . She smiled back , and continued her survey . This place looks okay she thought . I hope I can clear my name with IA from here . I wonder who my partner is … I hope - - Jennifer jumped as someone sat on the desk beside her . The other person smiled . " I 'm Detective Chambers , your new partner . Captain Transerpt would like to speak with us . " She hopped off the desk and headed back to the office . Trent Malloy looked out the window beside his bed , watching as the view outside raised slightly . He closed one eye , staring as the scenery lowered . He sighed , and took his finger off of the button that raised and lowered his hospital bed . He grabbed the remote control , pointed it at the television , flipped through a few channels , then turned it off and tossed the remote on the side table . He picked up a magazine and tried to read . He glanced at his watch , annoyed to see that it was two hours before visitors were permitted . Tiffany nodded . " I know the witness . He 's very reliable . If he said he saw it , then he saw it . " She stopped at a desk , and smiled at the occupant . " Dick , " Tiffany said pleasantly . " Simon handed the Malloy case over to us . " She motioned to herself , then to Jenny . " Got the info ? " Carlos sighed and leaned on the desk . " What about Candy - Stripers ? Any list on who volunteers at the hospital ? " He waited while Kim typed in a few things . " Nope , " she said . " There are no reports of any of them missing work . " She paused . " Maybe one is on vacation . " She typed , then smiled . " Two volunteers have booked off on vacations … one took hers the same day Trent saw the body . " Carlos nodded thoughtfully . " I 'll start there then . You 're pretty good at this stuff . " He headed for the door , then stopped . " Where are you going ? " Kim looked up from putting her coat on . " I 'm coming with you to check this out … oh , come on , Carlos . You said I was good at this . " The man grabbed a person who was walking out , shoved him into Tiffany , and ran back into the bar . Tiffany picked herself up from the ground , and ran into the bar . She caught up with the man , pushed him against the bar , and started to put her cuffs on him . He struggled the whole time . Tiffany slammed him against the bar again . Tiffany was half way through reading him his rights when she heard Jenny yell out a warning . Tiffany jerked to the left , catching the sight of a beer bottle as it sailed through the space where her head had just been . She calmly took the cuff off the man 's right wrist , hooked it to the rail that ran along the bar , and then turned to the crowd . A large man in a cowboy hat approached . " I threw it , " he snarled . " We 're not gonna let you take him in . " He motioned to the two men behind him . Tiffany sighed . Another bar fight ? Ye gads ! She noticed Jenny moving to a more strategic position behind the men . She nodded briefly , then turned her attention back to the large man . " Well , it looks like we have a problem then . You see , I plan on taking this man in . " The man smirked and then swung at her . Tiffany blocked the punch , grabbed his arm , and threw him to the ground . The man got up quickly and glared at her . Jenny saw her opportunity . She grabbed one of the men , sending him easily to the floor . The other saw that she too was a police officer , and decided that she was fair game . Your first , and last , mistake Jenny thought . Tiffany grunted as she was grabbed from behind in a tight grip . She swung back with her head , smiling in satisfaction when the person released his grip . She turned , delivered a roundhouse punch , then turned again as the man landed unconscious on the floor . Jenny spun quickly as she kicked the man in front of her . She was rewarded with the sound of cracking bones ; then the man stumbled away holding his nose . She turned to the crowd , satisfied to see that no one else was foolish enough to make another move towards them . She walked slowly to the bar . Jenny paused at the door as two uniformed officers arrived . " Arrest those three , " she said and pointed at the men . " The charges are … being stupid , and trying to assault two police officers . " Carlos closed his eyes briefly and realized that letting Kim make the initial questioning might just have been a mistake . He leaned casually on the hospital counter . " What my … partner means , is ; do you know Jane Parksly , and would we be able to ask you a few question ? " " Jane Parksly ? " the nurse asked . " I don 't think that I know … " she paused . " Oh , do you mean Jane , the Candy - Striper ? " Kim opened her mouth to say something , but Carlos replied first . " No , she hasn 't been arrested again . We would , however , like to talk to her … Do you know where she is today ? " He knew by instinct that this woman was a bit of a gossip , and might tell them all they needed to know . " Well … I really shouldn 't say anything , " the nurse started , " but she seemed sort of preoccupied the last few times I saw her . " She motioned them closer . " I think she was having man trouble . " " Oh , yes , " the nurse nodded . She looked around to make sure no one else was within earshot . " I saw her with one of the doctors two days ago … she looked upset . " Carlos rolled his eyes , but decided to stay out of this part of the conversation . Both women looked at him , and he moved back slightly . Woman - talk ! Humph ! Jenny faced Tiffany inside the ring . They watched each other as they circled . Tiffany made a move , causing Jenny to back up slightly . Jenny kicked out , but it was easily blocked by Tiff . They spared lightly , neither one wanting to make solid contact , each one sizing up her opponent . Since Trent was undergoing a few tests , they had almost an hour wait before they could see him . Wanting to unwind after the bar fight , Tiffany had suggested a ' friendly little sparring match . ' Jennifer watched Tiffany as she nimbly moved around . She still has a few moves in her , despite her age . She blinked at that thought . Oooppps … she 's only a year older than me , so I just insulted myself ! Tiffany made a move forward , smiling to herself when Jenny matched the move in the opposite direction . She had briefly read through the files on her new temporary partner , and knew that there was potential there for Jenny to be an excellent cop . If IA doesn 't screw her over first ! Although Jenny was only a year younger , they were separated much further by their time on the force . Tiffany had joined the New York Police Department almost immediately after high school . Jenny , however , had waited until she was twenty - two before she joined the Dallas Police Department . That meant there was a gap of about four years between them . Tiffany had learned her first survival skills on the mean streets of New York , and had brought those skills with her to Dallas . Jenny had learned her skills in Dallas , an equally dangerous , but less violent atmosphere . The thought of Jenny 's cadet class thinking that Tiffany was any sort of roll model surprised her . The academy had expressly used the tactics of the new cop , Officer Tiffany Chambers , as an example of the wrong way for a police officer to behave . Tiffany was jolted out of her reverie by a motion , and all her instincts kicked in as she deflected Jenny 's blow . The movement caught her off balance and she stumbled backwards into the ropes . She bounced back easily to her feet and smiled slightly . " Ahhh … you were pouting ! " Kim said as he started to walk away . " As a matter of fact , the doctor was cute . Beth , the nurse , didn 't know who the he was though … she thought that he might be new , or filling in for a vacationing doctor . " Carlos nodded thoughtfully . " That could mean something . " He stopped at a door . " I want to run his description by Trent . He might recognize him . " He pushed the door open . Trent Malloy looked up as the door opened , and smiled . " Visitors , " he whispered in a hoarse voice , " finally ! " He sat up higher in the bed . Trent looked at him with mild surprise . " No . Well , the orders came from my regular doc , but the idea came from his boss . " He pushed the button on the bed to raise himself . " Why ? " Beth checked behind the counter . " Oh , we are out , too . " She nodded at the nurse who walked behind the counter . " I 'll show you where we keep them . " She turned to the nurse . " I 'm going home now … have a good shift . " The doctor followed as she walked from behind the counter and started down the hall . He glanced at the other nurse ; satisfied that she had not paid him any attention . " What did that woman and man want earlier ? " he asked in a conversational tone . " Oh , her . I caught her pocketing a few things , and threatened to report her . " He stepped behind Beth and pulled something out of his pocket . " Did you say anything to those two about seeing me with this Jane ? " " I thought so . " He put his arms around her head and pulled tightly . The garrote tightened around Beth 's neck . The nurse pulled at it as her eyes went wide with fear , but she was no match for the much stronger doctor . Her terrified breaths came in short gasps as the room faded around her . She let out a final grunt and went still . " I have a phone here . " Trent motioned to his side table . " Unless , " mischief sparkled in his eyes , " it 's a , uh , private call ? " Kim smiled as Carlos blushed slightly . " Ohhh … smoochy - smoochy ? ? " she teased . Trent laughed , then coughed as he put a hand on his sore throat . " Serves you right , " Carlos said as he exited the room . Tiffany nodded , and then slipped around the corner . She peeked out after Jenny left , and waited . Soon , she spotted her quarry walking down the hall from the opposite end . She ducked back behind the corner and waited . The footsteps grew louder , paused for a moment , and then entered the alcove she was in . " I thought so , too , " Tiffany purred . " That 's why I paged you . I knew you were visiting Trent , and I knew that you would forget to turn your pager off … you always do . " " Am I that predictable ? " Carlos asked quietly as he approached her . " Always , " Tiffany whispered . She backed against the wall as Carlos bent towards her . His lips met hers and she was pushed further against the wall as he leaned into her . Both Trent and Kim looked as the door opened . They were expecting it to be Carlos , but Trent was pleasantly surprised by the woman who stood there . Shoulder length blonde hair framed an intelligent , pretty face . And the rest of the package 's not bad either Trent thought , and ignored the ' sexist pig ' remark his mind shot at him . " Okay … thanks , " Trent whispered . " Oh , can you bring me something good to read ? " He smiled as Kim nodded on her way out , then he turned his attention back to his newest visitor . " You are ? " Trent sounded puzzled . " I thought Ryan didn 't believe me ? " Jenny smiled . " He doesn 't , but he no longer has the case . " She sat in a chair when he motioned to it . " Detective Chambers is my partner , and she believes you . " Trent shook his head slightly . Figures . He sat up higher . " Well , no sense in going over this twice . Can I wait until Tiff gets here ? " Jenny nodded slightly . " Sure . Uh … do you want me to leave ? I could come back later . " " No ! " Trent blushed slightly . " I mean , stay . It 's kind of boring in here , and it would be great to talk with someone . " " Mmm - hmm , " Tiffany replied . " I believe Trent when he says he saw something . " She pulled back slightly to breathe . " Did you find anything out ? " Carlos nodded as he kissed her again . " Could be a break . " He rested his forehead against hers . " Come on , I 'll tell you in Trent 's room . " He went to step back , but Tiffany stopped him . Trent nodded . " Yeah … but he doesn 't know that I know about that little case . " He smiled . She 's so easy to talk to . He found himself taking about things that he would have never considered discussing with someone he had just met . Jenny breathed deeply to stop her laughter . He 's so easy to talk to . How long has it been since I felt that with a man ? She pushed aside the negative feelings that seemed to always surface regarding her last boyfriend . He showed his true colors . I won 't make that mistake again . Kim quickened her pace when she heard footsteps behind her . She glanced over her shoulder , sudden fear plucking at her when she saw Doctor Fraser following . He gave no real notice of her , but she could see the determination in his face . " No , " Trent whispered . " I 'm going to check out tonight . I 'll go to my mother 's … she 'll look after me while I recuperate . " Jenny paused as if to consider something . " Can I try something ? It might help you remember a few things . " Trent hesitated , then nodded . Jenny sat on the side of the bed . " Okay , now close your eyes , " she said in a soothing voice . " I want you to slowly go back in your memory , " she took one of his hands in hers , surprised at the feeling of electric chemistry she felt . Trent opened his eyes , looked at her , and she knew that he felt it also . " Close your eyes , " she whispered . " Now , go back to when you checked in here , before your operation . When you reach a memory that you need , gently squeeze my hand . " She waited for the gentle squeeze . " Okay , now slowly go forward … you woke up because of a noise , but no nurse answered your call . " Trent squeezed her hand . " Good , " she said softly . " You walk out into the hall , and go to the counter . " Trent 's eyes moved slightly behind his eyelids , then he squeezed her hand . " You 're doing great , " Jenny praised softly . " You 're at the counter … look behind it . " She paused as she wet her lips . " Do you see the woman on the floor ? " Trent 's eyes flew open suddenly , startling Kim and Carlos . " I saw it ! " he said as loudly as he could . " It wasn 't blood ! She was wearing a red sweater ! " Jenny smiled . " In the state you were in , you could have easily thought that it was blood . Do you remember anything else ? " Trent thought for a moment . He was acutely aware that Jenny still held his hand , but he made no move to stop the contact . " Uhhh … " He closed his eyes again . " A mark around her neck . " " You just gotta know which Judge to ask , " Tiffany answered mysteriously . She checked her watch . " I can go pick it up , and meet you back here . " Trent looked at Carlos in amusement . Carlos glared at him in humorous annoyance . " I don 't recall you having much luck trying to stop her from helping you that one time , " Carlos said . " You go back to work … I have to get a few things from in here . " She watched as he walked down the hall , then entered the room . She picked up a few things , pilled them in her arms , frowning when she dropped something and it rolled under the shelf . She put her pile on a counter and bent down to fish out the article . Her hand touched something semi warm and she jerked back . She knelt on the floor and peered under the shelf . " I was suppose to meet with Beth … about ten minutes ago … but she 's not here yet . Do you have her phone number ? I want to make sure she 's okay … ya know ? " The nurse nodded . " I guess I could do that . " She picked up the phone and dialed . She waited , then hung up . " No answer , sorry . " " That 's okay , " Kim said cheerfully . " I guess she 's on her way then . Thanks . " She walked away from the counter , and went around the corner . " Did you get it ? " A scream cut through the hospital corridor , sending both of them at a dead run for the source . They stopped outside of a storage room . A group of doctors and nurses pushed by them and went to the body on the floor . Kim 's eyes went wide , and she hurried to Carlos . " That was Beth ! " " Trent ! " Carlos set off at a run for his friend 's room , suddenly very worried . " Not really , " the orderly said . " A nurse found a rat in one of the storage rooms . " He pushed the chair out of the room and started down the hall . Jenny walked beside the chair , and tried to figure out why her instincts told her that something was wrong . She briefly looked at the orderly as they entered the elevator . She stared blankly at the floor while she thought , then her gaze caught the footwear the man had on . Tiffany immediately went to the nurse 's counter , grabbed the phone , and made a call . She shoved her badge into a nurse 's face when she tried to grab the phone back . Carlos pulled the nurse to the side . Tiffany hung up the phone . " Trent and Jenny 's descriptions are out . " She looked at the nurse . " I am Detective Chambers , DPD . As of this moment , no one is to go into room 1237 , and I want to speak with the Chief of Staff … now . " Trent listened to the traffic noises as he laid in the back of a van , gagged and tied on the floor . He glanced at Jenny who was beside him , tied in the same fashion . Jenny gave him a comforting nod , then pulled her hands out from behind her back . Trent 's eyes grew wide , then he closed them in relief . He moved slightly so that he could watch the back of the driver , making sure that he would not turn around . Jenny slowly took the gag off her mouth and , fighting her lung 's automatic response to inhale fresh air , inched her way towards Trent . She quickly untied the ropes holding his hands , then took the cloth off if his mouth . She saw Trent 's eyes go wide , and she whirled around . The driver slammed on the breaks and reached for his weapon . He turned as Jenny picked herself up from being knocked to the floor of the van , and pointed the gun at her . Trent hesitate , then kicked the back door open . He hopped out and ran to the side of the van . He could see the struggle going on in the rearview mirror as he approached . He was about to reach for the man 's neck when a noise caught his attention . He turned quickly , stopping at the sight of two men with guns . He sighed in annoyance when he recognized them as the two from the hospital . He moved towards them , and felt pain in his shoulder as one man pulled the trigger . He looked down , expecting to see blood , but was surprised by the sight of the feathered end of a tranquilizer dart sticking out of his body . He fell back against the van as the medication started to take effect , and slide to the ground . Jenny punched the man in the face , then raked her fingernails across his eyes . She had to give Trent the time to escape . She was pushed to the back of the van when the man struck at her . She scurried to the open door , hopped out and started to run . A scene appeared in her peripheral vision , and she skidded to a stop . She ran to the sight , jumping at the man pulling Trent into a car , knocking him to the ground . She turned to the other man , and delivered a perfect roundhouse kick to his face . The head snapped back , and the man fell against the car . Jenny turned again , saw something coming at her , and tried to move out of the way . She fell against the car as a dart imbedded itself in her side . Carlos paced from one end of the hospital corridor to the other , then back again . He looked at Kim , who was sitting in a chair , started to say something , then changed his mind . They had been through the entire hospital from top to bottom , but had found nothing that would lead them to Trent and Jenny . " Thank you , Dick , " Tiffany said . She turned away before he could shoot her his annoying ' don 't call me that ! ' look . " Well ? " Carlos asked . Carlos kept his mouth shut . He had no wise remarks to shoot at Ryan at the moment , nor did he feel like getting into a verbal battle with him . Instead , he turned and walked back to the waiting area . Trent looked around the small room he was in , and tried to fight the feeling of déjà vu as he looked around . A small buzzing sound is what got me in trouble in the first place he thought glumly . He spotted a shape near the opposite wall and slowly made his way to it . He grabbed onto the person 's shoulder and slowly turned them over . " Jenny ? " He put his head against her chest , and listened for a heart beat . He sighed in relief . " Jenny ? " Trent sat on the floor and gently lowered Jenny 's head onto his lap . He blinked his eyes as they went out of focus . " This is not good . " He looked down at Jenny . She looks so peaceful . I wonder what she 's really like ? He looked around the room again , then back at her face . " Will I get a chance to know you ? " he asked her unconscious form . " I mean , I know we just met , but I would really like the chance to get to know you … If we ever get out of here , that is . " Carlos shook his head , grabbed the sugar container and poured some into his coffee . " None . I 'm going over all the license plates of the vehicles that were in the parkade today … looking for a rental plate . " " Yeah … something someone would be able to ditch if they needed to . " He paused . " And I think the plates of stolen vehicles lists is on the way . " Carlos looked at him , then to the container that sat beside his coffee mug . He glanced form the salt shaker , to the sugar container that sat on the other side of the table and sighed . " Maybe you 're right . " " Nothing that can be followed up on tonight , unfortunately . " She sat down wearily in the chair beside Butch and took the papers from Carlos . " This number here , " she said and underlined it , " belongs to a rental company . They won 't be open until morning , and I can 't find anyone who 's willing to admit to being in charge to let me see the rental contract . " Tiffany shook her head . " I don 't think so . We haven 't found any bodies , so I 'm hoping that whoever did this is willing to hold onto them for a few days while he figures out what to do . " Jenny clenched her eyes shut and tried to breathe . " Ohhh , " she whimpered . " I think I broke some ribs . " Trent hovered over her , wishing that he knew what to do to make her pain stop . " Take your shirt off , " Jenny whispered . " Rip it into bandages . " Trent quickly took his shirt off and started to tear it into long strips . Jenny panted in agony as she watched him … then she noticed the way his muscles rippled with each strip he tore . She watched , slightly fascinated , the pain in her side taking second place to the scene in front of her . He finally had enough of trying to sleep , gently slipped out from under Tiffany 's arm , and walked out to the living room . Carlos looked around . Usually , he felt comfortable and relaxed in this room , in this house . He wished he could tap into that sense of ease , but there was none to be found tonight . He knew the reason was because of the recent situation , not because of where he was . I can 't sit around and do nothing ! Carlos sighed in aggravation . He glanced at the computer that sat in the corner on Tiffany 's desk , his mind working out a plan . He walked over to it , sat down , and logged onto the Internet . ' I 'm okay , " Trent whispered hoarsely . " At least my head 's not spinning anymore . I wonder where we are ? " He stood and went to the door . " No idea . But , it 's safe to say that we need to find a way out of here . " Jenny slowly stood , leaned over in pain , then straightened . She walked around the room , looking for something they could use to their advantage . They looked at each other , both knowing that they might have only one chance at escape . Trent leaned against the door , listening for any sound , thinking about what he might have to do to ensure they both got out alive . He knew that his timing was off due to his recent surgery and subsequent medication , and that Jenny was in no real shape to fight if she had to . Trent looked at her , and saw that she was dead serious . " You 're hurt … I 'll do the crap kicking . " He smiled at her , but the humor did not reach his eyes . " Just let me handle this . " " Wait , " Trent said softly . " We shouldn 't be arguing about this . " He motioned to the floor . " We should get all the rest we can , talk over a plan , and hope for the best . " Carlos read the screen in front of him , clicked on a link , and smiled when the information he had been searching for appeared in front of him . He scanned through it quickly as he pushed on the button to print the words . He bookmarked the Internet site , logged off of the system , and grabbed the multiple sheets of information he had printed from various sites . Carlos stood and headed for the bedroom door . He opened it quietly and walked in . " Tiff ? " he whispered in her ear , then moved back quickly . Tiffany 's arm swung out as her body jolted awake . She blinked a few times as she tried to focus . " What ? " she mumbled . " What time is it ? " " Little after three , " Carlos said . He sat on the side of the bed as Tiffany groaned in tired annoyance and fell back onto her pillow . " I found something that you might want to see . " " What ? " She took the paper he held out and turned on the bedside light , cringing slightly against the sudden brightness . She started to read , stopped , and looked at him . " Where did you get this ? " " Off the Internet , " Carlos told her . " I did a news search on unsolved murders in hospitals , then I looked up the press release the hospital put out regarding their newest doctor . " He paused . " According to Dr . Fraser 's resume , he was in three different cities at the same time their hospitals had these murders . " Tiffany picked up her phone and made a call . " Cortez ? It 's Tiffany … yeah , I know it 's late . I want you to check something out for me . I 'm going to fax some pages over to the station , take a look at them , tell me what you think , then check to see if Dr . Fraser was on staff at the hospitals mentioned . " She listened for a few moments . " That sounds okay . I 'll be there in an hour . Oh , and could you give Dick a call and ask him to come in ? " She pulled the phone away from her ear as the officer on the other end complained loudly . Trent looked up as footsteps stopped outside the door of the room he was in . The door opened slightly , and a man holding a gun glanced in . Trent looked over at Jenny as she lay on the floor . She closed her eyes as her hand wrapped around an old broken vase . Trent looked back at the man . " I don 't believe you . " The man strode up to Trent and pointed the gun at his face . His finger tightened on the trigger . " Remember yet ? " Jenny grabbed the gun he had dropped , and rummaged through his coat for something . She took out a clip , turned , and started for the open door . She looked back at Trent , only to find him staring at her . " What ? " Jenny sighed . " I don 't know . Maybe we should go to the next room , see if there 's a window in it , and climb out . " " Sounds like a plan , " Trent said and stepped out into the hallway . He went to the door across the hall , put his hand on the knob and turned it slowly . It opened to reveal a rather large room , with bay windows , and a patio . Jenny entered behind him and went to the window . " Lots of trees back there … should be good cover . " She traced her fingers along the edge of the window frame as she searched for an intruder alarm . Finding none , she quietly opened the window and stepped out onto the patio . " Uhhh … yeah . " Jenny looked back over the patio . She knew that she had been in no real danger of falling over the barrier , but she was glad that Trent had grabbed her . " I 'll go first , " Trent said as he swung one leg over the top of the barrier . " Then I 'll signal if the coast is clear . " Jenny nodded , and pointed the gun over the top of the balcony for cover as Trent lowered himself over the side . Fortunately , there was a trellis that ran below the patio to the ground . Unfortunatley , the trellis was loaded with roses that scratched Trent as he climbed . His throat had begun to hurt again , and he felt hot . I hope I 'm not getting an infection ! That 's the last thing I need . Trent landed on the ground softly and looked around . The house in front of him was dark , as were the grounds behind him . He waved up at Jenny and motioned for her to join him . Jenny tucked the gun into the top of her pants and started down . She swore as a thorn scratched her face , drawing blood , and instinctively jerked her head back . The movement caught her off balance and , as her hands slipped from the trellis , she knew that the thorn scratch was the least of her worries . Trent jumped to where he hoped Jenny would land and held his arms out . He prayed that he had enough strength to keep her from meeting the ground . Jenny landed safely in his arms , but her momentum caused his knees to buckle under him , sending them both down . Jenny clamped her mouth tightly to stop the scream that wanted to explode as she hit the ground . She curled into a small ball as tears streamed down her face . She could feel Trent 's hand as it rubbed her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her . " Can you stand ? " Trent asked softly . Jenny nodded , not yet trusting herself to open her mouth . She panted in agony as she tried to stand straight . " Let 's get out of here , " she said through clenched teeth . The man leaned back in his chair and stared at the envelope in his hands . Doctor Harris Fraser . He shook his head with as he laughed softly . No matter how many times I see that name … . He tossed the envelope onto the desk and stared vacantly at the large picture hanging on the opposite wall . The man had been born in this house , thirty - eight years ago . The house had stood empty for nearly ten years , but while he was growing up , it had been a brothel . The women here had entertained men from across the state . His mother had been one of those women . He had hated what she did for a living , and when she had saved enough money to send him to college , he vowed never to come back . He tried to convince himself that it was not him who had returned … it was Harris Fraser , a name he had adopted shortly after leaving . He had been born David Michaels , but he no longer answered to that name . No , he was Harris Fraser … Doctor Harris Fraser . He looked at the ceiling , wondering if he should either kill the two up in the room that had once been his , or simply leave them there until he managed to get out of Dallas . Damn that punk for seeing me that night ! Just my luck that he was a P . I . He had made a rather large profit from stealing hospital equipment and selling it on the black market overseas . He always covered his tracks meticulously , but there had been times when some idiot had stumbled upon his scheme . He had no qualms about silencing anyone , and was proud of the fact that he had never been caught by the police . He ran his hand along his handsome face and sighed . Now I 'll have to pull up camp … . again , and go to a new hospital . He knew that he would have to distance himself from Texas , and decided that he would head to Europe . And since he was leaving his life behind , a change to a new name would be the right thing to do . All he had to do was contact a ' friend ' , get the proper medical degrees in another name , and then leave . He looked at the ceiling again as he made his decision . Only one thing left to take care of . He grabbed his gun and headed for the door . Jenny felt slightly better , the pain in her side numbing to a dull ache . She looked up at Trent as he stood beside the tree . " You should sit and rest , " she said . " You don 't look too good . " Jenny put a hand on the side of his face . " Your skin is warm … and clammy . " She sighed . " We have to get you to a doctor . " Trent turned his head to look at her . " And you 're injured . " He started to say more , but the closeness of her made him lose any and all thoughts … . . except one . Trent brought his hand up and brushed a stray hair from her face . He let his fingers linger on her skin before he traced the outline of her jaw . The moonlight illuminated her eyes , and Trent gazed into them as he moved forward . Carlos slipped the ' visitors pass ' into his pocket and followed Tiffany down the hall . They entered the main station room and went to a desk . An impossibly young - looking detective glanced up at him , then turned his attention to Tiffany . " Yeah , " Cortez sighed . " You owe me big time for that one . " He looked at Carlos . " Ryan was under the impression that you convinced Tiff to get him here at … and I quote , " this ungodly hour " , end quote . " Tiffany pulled a sheet out of the file and set the rest of it down . " It says here that Dr . Harris Fraser grew up outside of Dallas . " She looked up . " There 's no address listed . " " Maybe Fraser isn 't his real name , " Carlos put in . " What 's so important that I had to be here ? ! " Ryan demanded as he walked in . " And what 's he doing here ? " " You 're here because you 're a cop , " Tiffany said . " Now , take a look at these , and let me know what you think . " She held out the file . Ryan snatched it from her and began to read . He was silent as he scanned the papers , then leafed through the few pictures accompanying the file . He stopped at one . " This place looks familiar . " Tiffany took the picture and looked at the small boy standing in front of a large old house . " This is one of the only pictures we have on Dr . Fraser . We found it in his office at the hospital . " Ryan took the photo back and stared at it . " This house … I 've seen it before . " He closed his eyes as he tried to remember . " Old house … lots of trees … about ten miles outside the city limits … I think . " He opened his eyes . " Yeah , we busted this place once , about ten years ago with the Rangers . It use to be a brothel … we put it out of business . " Carlos stared after him in shock . " No arguments ? Just an ' I 'll have to check ? ' " He looked at Tiffany . " Just when I was starting to really dislike him , he goes and pulls something like this . "
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When I write reports from big races like this it 's always hard to know where to start . I guess I should start with how I got here . In May I went for a little training run in the Flinthills with Jason . He told me he thought I could run the Heartland 50 mile . I think I probably laughed and said no way at first . Then I kept talking to him about it by email . I started thinking I 'd probably do it . Then I found out Eric was going to have a fall Prairie Spirit that would be a 50k or a 50 mile . Woohoo ! A flat course ? Sign me up ! I started mentioning to family and friends that I was thinking about doing 50 miles . The reception wasn 't what I was hoping for . Most of them stared at me with a blank look . Some were really negative about it . I remember emailing Jason that I was kind of bummed . I thought people would be excited like they were when I did the other distances the first time . Not so . Jason assured me that 's pretty normal and that it 's unlikely people are going to get it . He told me something like " do this for yourself and don 't worry about what anyone else thinks . " My training was so so . I could have done more , but considering I moved twice during the training I did ok . I did Lunar Trek , which was not a great race and almost kept me from signing up at all . I just wasn 't sure I could do it . Then I did the Hawk marathon and just fell apart emotionally . I was really close to dropping out entirely . I have some pretty amazing friends though and they rallied around me . Joell , Justin , Candi and Zach weren 't having any of my pity party . My friend Libby wrote a blog post once where she talked about foxhole friends . These are friends that kind of come out of nowhere and support you and have your back . You knew they existed , but they were kind of in the background . These four people have done more for my confidence and attitude than I can ever repay them for . A few weeks before the race I found out I could have a pacer . Woohoo ! Now to find someone . I asked Candi and she said yes , but , her son might have a football game she couldn 't miss . She really wanted to do it but I needed a backup . I couldn 't find anyone . Jason was going to be pacing his friend Megan , Justin was volunteering , Zach was going to volunteer if he could and Joell was running the 50k . Crap . Justin knew I really needed someone and was bummed that everyone else had other commitments so he went to work finding me someone . He sent me a message saying he had me a pacer and her name was Kodi Panzer . At first I think I asked who the heck that was , then a lightbulb came on . I asked if she had done Lunar Trek . He said yes . I said " OMG ! I think I showered with her ! " He told me that I had in fact . He knows this because his wife Joell was there too . It was a special running moment : ) Kodi agreed to be the backup , but she wanted to run some even if Candi came , so I worked it out so they could share pacing duties . Candi 's son ended up having a game , so she couldn 't pace . My son Ryan stepped up though and wanted to do it . I thought that would be awesome , so I took him up on it before he could change his mind ! Race day started with a 4 am wake up call . Not cool ! Trying to wake Ryan up proved to be one of my bigger challenges of the day . That boy likes his sleep ! He needed to be at the race at 5 : 15 though because he was headed to the Princeton aid station to hang out with Justin and help out until Libby got there . After they left I finished getting ready and talked to Reina . She is Joell 's friend that I met briefly at FlatRock and have gotten to know a little on facebook . I 'm so happy I got to visit with her more this weekend . She 's so sweet ! I also talked to Dennis Haig a little before the race . He 's just an awesome ultrarunner and has run in every single FlatRock event since it 's inception . He 's a pretty badass dude ! I told him I was worried about being last . He told me that he ran a 100 a few weeks ago and got a hoodie . On the back it says " Finisher " but nowhere does it tell his time or what place he was . I thought that was an awesome reminder that it doesn 't matter where you finished . What matters is that you did . All too soon it was time to line up . We did and suddenly it was go time ! Everyone took off really fast . I didn 't . I had a plan and I was sticking to it . I knew if I started too fast it could mean not finishing or doing a 20 mile death march . No thanks . Soon I was at the back , all alone . We had to do a short out and back and Eric was there to make sure no one cheated . I got a high 5 and made a joke about being number 1 ( yeah , that was my bib number ! ) and being in last place . It was pretty funny . I started heading back to the start / finish area , still last . The first aid station was supposed to be unmanned but Jason was there along with Dennis and someone else . It was dark , I have no idea who it was . I handed Jason my headlamp since I knew daylight was coming and I didn 't want it on any longer than I had to have it . I filled up my bottle . As I was doing that Dennis said , " Hey , did you see Jason 's hoodie ? It says finisher on the back . Do you see where it says his time ? " Nope , I do not ! Thanks again for the encouragement Dennis ! I took off and Jason asked if I was eating . Yes . I am . He said to eat as much real food as I could . This seemed like a solid plan , so I ran back to the aid station and grabbed a cinammon roll . I ate it while I ran . Now I had a long stretch to get to the first manned station where I 'd see Libby and Ryan . I just took it a mile at a time . I was back and forth with another female runner and eventually got a bit ahead of her and she didn 't pass me again for a while . I truthfully don 't remember much about this section . I know my legs were already aching when there is no way they should have been so early on . Not enough taper maybe ? I don 't know . When I was getting close to Princeton Jason walked out and met me . It was nice seeing him . He asked what I needed and I said coke and food . I also needed to pee so I told Libby I needed my vaseline and ibuprofen and to use the bathroom . She couldn 't find my vaseline in my bag so I grabbed it and took off for the bathroom . I peed then came back and they started giving me stuff . I can 't remember all of what I had there , but it was a lot . Justin was manning this station and his adorable twins were there with him . It was so fun to see them . As I was leaving Jason asked if I was taking s - caps . I don 't use s - caps , I use endurolytes , but same idea . I wasn 't . I had forgotten to bring any . They got me fixed up and I took off . Here 's a pic right after the aid station . I was being a cheesy dork toward the camera . I am a total dork , so the moment was captured well . The next stretch sucked . Not a lot more to say about it . Nothing was terrible , I just didn 't feel very energetic . I think it was through here that the lady passed me again . I passed a guy though , which felt good . I never pass people in races ! He was starting to cramp so I felt bad for him . That is no fun , especially early on . When I got to Richmond Jason came out again . I was taking my arm sleeves off as I ran in . I was getting pretty hot . At this aid station Libby had laid out everything I might need . She was awesome ! They offered me food and one of the things they offered was a soft taco . Heck yeah ! I reapplied vaseline under my arms , drank coke , took some endurolytes and grabbed my taco . The best part of the volunteer handing me the taco was the look of WTF ? on Jason 's face . The very awesome and kind aid station worker knew I was in a hurry so he rushed it out to me but it wasn 't folded and I needed to take it to go . No time for just standing still to eat ! Jason dug deep and went back to his days at McDonald 's and folded it up for me . ( just to be clear , this is in no way shape or form me criticizing the volunteer . He was very very good ! I just wasn 't clear on what I needed ) I took the taco and headed out . It tasted so good ! That and the coke really breathed some new life into me . I cruised through the next 5 or so miles feeling great . Then I ran out of water . It was getting hot with the sun shining down on me and I drank a lot . I started to freak out because I thought maybe I had misunderstood and there wasn 't an unmanned aid station on this stretch . If that was the case I had at least 4 more miles to go with no water . I sort of fell apart . I did pass another guy though . Woot ! I finally got to the unmanned station . Hallelujah ! By then though I was just cranky . I also caught up with the lady I had been playing cat and mouse with . She was in a lot of pain due to her IT band and wasn 't sure she was finishing . I felt awful for her . I did not love this next section to Garnett . When I got there and saw Libby and Kodi ( yay for a pacer ! ) and Ryan I totally started crying . They were happy tears and definitely not the last tears I would shed that day . My toes had started falling asleep and my left big toe felt really off and I thought maybe I was getting a blister . I went through the stupid process of taking off my gaiter , shoe and sock . Toe was fine , but I applied vaseline anyway . I ate some food , got my refilled water bottle , grabbed a Starbucks frappuccino , told Kodi I was ready and we took off . I walked a while drinking the frappuccino and then I was ready . My stomach was really really not thrilled . I had already thrown up a couple of times . I knew I needed to take it slow for a bit . Kodi let me walk a while , then she got me back to running . She told me hilarious stories about her dating life . We saw someone we thought I could pass , so that became my goal . I passed him ! We kept going , I whined , Kodi told funny stories and kept me going . I thought I had a rock in my shoe at one point so we stopped to get it out . I shook everything out and put my shoe back on and started running again . I could still feel it . I thought maybe it was in my sock . Kodi thought I was probably getting a blister . Every step from then on felt like I was stepping on a rock . Yay ! A few times I stopped and did some stretches Kodi showed me . It really really helped . During this stretch my stomach was really upset . We passed another guy and as I was passing I asked how he was . He said good and asked how I was . I said good and promptly vomited right in front of him . It was an epic moment ! Kodi was laughing and asked if she could post it on facebook . I thought it was pretty hilarious too , so I said yes . She posted " we 've got a puker but she 's still running ! " We FINALLY got to Richmond . I don 't remember a lot of this station . I peed , re - lubed everything , ate , drank , etc . I asked Ryan if he was going to be ready to pace me and he said yes . We took off for the final 6 . 5 miles that Kodi would be with me . I whined and moaned but ran when she suggested it . Well , mostly . I think it was through here that she started lying to me . Once she said " if you run just a little further you will be at the end of a mile and can walk . I said ok . Then I said " when you say a little further , you don 't mean like a quarter of a mile or something do you ? " She smiled and said " not quite that far . " I don 't know how far I ran , but it was way longer than I wanted to ! I also stopped looking at my watch and just relied on her to keep me going at a decent pace . BTW , my decent pace at mile 35 isn 't quite what it is at mile 5 . Oh , how our standards get lower ! A very funny thing about Kodi was that she was all messed up on the distance since she didn 't start the race with me . I 'd ask her how much further I had and she 'd say something like 15 miles when it was more like 8 . It was so funny . I was mostly just done during this section . Thinking I 'd never run a race this long again . It was so hard . Not far before we got to Princeton I heard someone coming up behind me . It was the female runner I had been leap frogging with . She was feeling much better and had caught up and was passing me . Wow ! I was a little bummed because this made me last place female ( there were only 4 females in the race ) but I was so incredibly happy for her that she was feeling that much better . Right before we got to Princeton I looked ahead and saw Joell . I started crying . I said " Look ! It 's Joell ! " I was so happy to see her ! She ran the 50k and was amazing . Several times during the day when I wanted to give in and walk I thought of her . I would think that no way is Joell going to give in and walk several miles , I 'm not either ! She was a big source of motivation for me . I got to Princeton and hugged Joell and started getting ready . Libby told me to change into a dry shirt and I did . It felt so much better ! I also tied a long sleeved shirt around my waist because I was getting cold . I ended up never using it . Justin told me it was time to take a shot with him . I said I couldn 't because I was too nauseous . He told me he wouldn 't be at the finish line though so if I was doing it now is the time . What the hell . Let 's do it . We went in the tent and got our cups with bourbon . Someone handed Ryan the camera . He said " I 'm taking the picture ? " It was so funny . He said it with a tone of " what ? You all get to drink and I have to man the camera ? " That wasn 't what he meant , but it 's what it sounded like . Libby handed me my bottle and I told her to please take out the gels and chews and stick something real in there . Yes , candy and cookies are real at that point . I could not eat one more gel or chew . Every time it hit my mouth I started gagging . They gave me some candy and cookies . Because at mile 42 candy and cookies are real food ! Don 't judge ! Ryan and I took off and I told him I was going to walk for a minute and pointed to where I 'd start running . As we were walking I asked him if he thought Rick and Adam would be at the finish and at that point I started sobbing . I was tired and I missed Rick and Adam and knew they weren 't going to be there and was just sad . It 's then Ryan looked at me with a completely straight face and told me something Justin told him to tell me when I was in a bad place . It was perfect . I laughed out loud . I can 't tell you all what it is because it wouldn 't be funny anyway if you don 't know the whole story and it 's a secret : ) The delivery was probably what made it the best . It was a joke but he was so serious . I started running . My plan was to run a half mile , then walk a tenth . It was obvious pretty quickly that was too far to run without a walk break . I ran a while and then started walking . I walked and walked . I walked 3 / 4 of a mile , which was my longest stretch of walking all day . I finally told Ryan I was walking too much and he couldn 't let me . I was a little nervous that he wasn 't going to be able to be mean and make me run , but he did it . I started doing 1 / 4 mile intervals . I 'd run 1 / 4 , walk 1 / 4 . This was just what I needed ! The first couple of intervals were just so so . I was moving slow , Ryan was pretending to run beside me even though he could have walked and kept up . I gave him my watch so I didn 't have to know how far I had to go . I wanted to just run when he told me and walk when he told me . I asked him at one point if he thought I could still finish under 12 hours . He said it would be tough . I must have had a devastated look on my face because he said " Is that really your We turned toward the finish line and I feel like I picked up my pace but I probably didn 't . I saw Eric and I gave him two thumbs up . I had told Ryan earlier that I really wanted him to cross the finish line with me . Typically pacers don 't , but I don 't care . He isn 't just my pacer , he 's my son . I wanted him to cross that finish line with me . We crossed the finish line in 11 : 48 : 58 . Woohoo ! Yes , yes I did throw my hands in the air in celebration ! It was such an awesome moment . The early mornings , the many many miles , the blisters , chafing , puking , tears , etc during training were all for this . Was it worth it ? Abso - freaking - lutely ! Crossing the finish line of my first 50 mile race was always going to be awesome , but when I had Ryan by my side it was just so much better . There are a ton of pics of me at the finish line ( really , it 's embarrassing ) so I won 't include them all . I 'll put a bunch on FB for those of you that are friends with me on there . Joell and the twins were there , as were Libby and Reina . Eric grabbed me and hugged me and then gave me my buckle . Woohoo ! Missing was Kodi who had stayed at Princton drinking and helping out . She also got a tiny bit lost . Here is a picture of my face after she told me something really really funny that she said . Sadly I only have one pic of me with Libby and it 's really far away and you can 't really see us . So disappointing : ( She was so amazing out there and helped me so much . I 'm so so so so thankful to have her in my life ! To the Epic Ultras Brigade : Thank you ! All of you are amazing and I can 't thank you enough for giving so much of your time to help us out . Ryan , Libby and Kodi , you 're the best team I could have asked for ! Jason , I 'm still not sure I want to thank you for talking me into this ! I cursed you a lot . You should expect that at this point though . Thanks for helping crew me too ! Justin , thanks for talking me into taking the shot and for so many other things I can 't name them all . Joell , you 're just the best . Seeing you at that last aid station helped me more than you 'll ever know . Candi and Zach weren 't there physically but they sure were in spirit . Kodi was reading me your comments and I knew you were behind me 100 % ! Rick , Ryan and Adam , thanks . Thank you for being patient while I was grumpy , tired and sore . Thank you for letting me run instead of spend time with you , thank you for maybe not understanding why I do this but supporting me anyway . I think it 's time for a little break . Not sure what 's next , but I 'll let you know when I do ! I could also title this post : How I accidentally ran an ultra . We 'll get to that though . First , how did I get here ? Once upon a time ( April 2013 ) I met this guy named Jason . He was friendly and possibly a little crazy . We hung out at an aid station together and he seemed pretty cool . He mentioned that he was going to be running the Heartland 100 . I think I told him that sounded nuts , but good luck , and forgot about it . He also told me he 'd be running the Storm the Dam marathon and that I should do it . I had just started running again post - hysterectomy , so I dismissed him . Oddly enough , ignoring things he tells me I should do has become the theme of our friendship ! A couple of weeks ( maybe ? ) after I met him I sent him a message on facebook because I knew his daughter was doing a half marathon and I wanted to tell her good luck . We started talking , and at some point he asked if I would be interested in pacing him at his 100 . I said sure . It sounded fun , and so far away I didn 't have to worry about it for a while . And so it began . He helped drag my butt through a marathon and several tough training runs . He provided encouragement and support to sign up for my first 50 mile race ( OMG ! ) . The day of the race dawned and as I was driving there , past El Dorado lake where we did the marathon together , I figured it was my turn to drag his butt through a few miserable miles on a dirt road ! Now , if only things had been that simple on race day ! A few weeks before the race I was talking to Justin Chockley and he mentioned that if I wasn 't doing anything else I could help his wife crew for him . I said I could before I paced Jason if he needed me to since Jason seemed to have a good crew and didn 't need me . Joell wasn 't going to be getting to the race until he was past the halfway point , so I thought I could crew for him before I paced as well . Joell and I communicated a lot before the race to decide when he would be at which aid station and how I could help him . Then I found out that he 'd probably be running part of the race with Candi , so I decided I could help her out as well . You see where this is going with the craziness , right ? The night before the race I went to the pre - race dinner with Candi and Joell told me that Adam Monaghan didn 't have a crew and that he 'd be with Justin and Candi and could probably use some help too . Crew 3 people ? No problem ! ! I had seen Adam and knew who he was , but hadn 't officially met him , so Joell introduced us . I also met his sweet wife ( seriously , she 's sooo nice ) and his daughter . Race morning came and I got up early to send Candi off . I felt like I was sending my baby off to her first day of kindergarten ! She was nervous and I was nervous for her . I tried to go back to sleep but never slept well . I went to Adam 's football game , but after getting updates I realized Justin was going faster than he anticipated and I didn 't want to miss him , so I left . I got to the Teterville Rd station , which is mile 25 and went to grab Candi and Adam 's drop bags to have their stuff ready . Adam 's bag was nowhere to be seen . I thought I must have been mistaken about him having one there . I went to Jason 's truck to hang out with his crew . Justin arrived and I jumped out to help him . I filled his hydration pack and waited while he ate some food , then walked out with him . I had some pretzel m & m 's in my car and they sounded good and it was on his way out , so we went and got them . He was looking great right here ! Candi arrived and I was helping her , then Adam got there ( I hadn 't notice him coming in ) and asked me if I 'd seen his bag . I told him they didn 't have one so I thought I misunderstood where his bags were . He said , no , he had one . Right then someone pulled up with a bunch of bags that had been forgotten . His was there ! Yay . I got him what he needed and he took off with Candi . I waited a bit longer and Jason came in . He was doing great ! We got him fixed up ( I did very little , his crew had it ) and sent him off . I then got in my car and went to Cassoday , where the start finish is . I had some time to wait because I was picking up Kristi Mayo and getting her to Matfield Green to pace Justin . When she got there we were getting her stuff in my car when Joell called me . She asked if either of us had any vaseline . Justin 's feet were in rough shape and had blisters and he didn 't have any . Neither of us did but we felt sure we could find someone that did . We got there and borrowed vaseline from Jason 's crew . I saw Candi briefly but had a lot to get ready for Justin and had to get my stuff ready to pace and Sophia had her covered , so I didn 't help much . Here she is looking fabulous at mile 42 . 5 ! This would be the last time I saw Candi until I was leaving the race . On my way back to my car from getting vaseline from Jason 's truck I saw Adam . He was looking a little more rough than he had earlier , but still ok . His wife had sent me pics of his daughter to show him as a pick me up , but it was in the car so I couldn 't show him . I grabbed his drop bag , got what he needed and he changed his shirt and was out of there . I got back to my car and Kristi and I got everything ready and we waited for Justin . He came into the aid station not looking the best but we sat him down and fixed his feet . What does that mean you ask ? We got his shoes off , rubbed vaseline all over his feet , put his shoes back on . Eeeewwww . Kristi decided she would pace him from there even though she was going to wait until he got back to Matfield Green from the turnaround . This meant a lot of miles for her . As Justin was leaving Jason rolled in . Crap ! I was not ready . I got ready as fast as I could . My watch wouldn 't work and was frozen up . Not cool . I forgot my headlamp , but Jason had one so someone stuck it in my pack . After we got things sorted we were off . Here we are right before pacing . We took off and he was walking fast . His legs are about two feet longer than mine and he 's a crazy fast walker , so I was having a little trouble keeping up ! We stared running eventually . We 'd run a little and walk a little . Walking all uphills , running down and doing what we could between . Ha . Between is a funny word . It 's not like the hills ever ended . There is little between . When we were getting close to the unmanned aid station I ran ahead to fill Jason and John 's bottles . John had been running with Jason all day . Unfortunately , he dropped when we got back to Matfield green . Onward and upward ! Literally . Lots of upward ! We kept going and were getting closer to the turnaround . Jason seemed to be getting a bit tired through here . Not far before the turnaround I saw Adam and I broke out my phone to show him the pics of his daughter . Seriously , is there anything sweeter in the world than seeing a man melt at the sight of his little girl ? It was a cool moment in the race for me . I caught up to Jason and John . We realized they could make the turnaround in 12 hours , which was awesome . When we got to the turnaround they had fried foods ! ! Yummy . That seemed to breathe new life into the guys . I filled bottles , gave them vaseline , and whatever else they needed and we took off . This section kinda sucks because it 's uphill for a long time . The guys did it though and did it well ! Back at the top and it 's flat - ish ( ha ! ) to the unmanned water again . I didn 't refill bottles this time because it had cooled considerably and they still had plenty . I used that as an opportunity to boss them around about drinking enough ! We kept walking and running and it started to get dark . I gave Jason is headlamp , only it was the wrong one . Oops ! Since it wasn 't the one he 'd be using all night and he wouldn 't have to worry about readjusting , I wore it instead of him . We ran when he could , walked when he needed to . My legs were hurting a little because the power walking that I 'm not used to . Still , I was having a ton of fun ! I always enjoy runnI was freezing cold at this time and all I could think about was getting into my warm , dry clothes . I was walking along trying to call Joell because I knew she was there and I looked over and there she was ! She had her friend Marcia there that was going to be helping her crew . I talked to them a few and we went to my car so they could use their flashlight to help me get my stuff and get changed . They stood kind of in front of me while I changed clothes on the side of the road . Gotta love ultra running ! I was as quick as I could be and thankfully no one drove past . We got in our cars and I followed them to the town of Matfield Green where I would leave my car while we went out to Ridgeline to crew our people . We got there and waited . Candi was already gone because she 's a speed demon ! Adam came in and was having some tummy issues . We did what we could and sent him on . He didn 't have a jacket so Joell gave him hers . It fit pretty well . I so wish I had taken a photo . Here he is with his soup . Besides the tummy and being cold , he was having some foot issues but didn 't have spare socks . He kept going though ! Jason was in and out of this station pretty quick as well . I had a minute to tell him hi and I think I grabbed him a sandwich from the aid station . Or Joell did . Either way , he got one ! We got in the car and went to get our cars ( mine and also Adam 's pacers car were in Matfield Green so Marcia was getting it to the start / finish for him ) and took them back to Cassoday to park . We then took the loooong trip back to Teterville . We got there and waited and Justin was the first one in . He said that he had passed Adam and he was really cold and that when he got there we needed to get him a heavier jacket . We fixed up Justin 's feet again and talked to Kristi about whether or not she would continue . She had been out there a long time ! She said she was good to go . They took off and Justin was looking good . He had really turned things around . I think a lot of that was due to Kristi . What a great person to jump in and run extra like that to help a friend ! When Adam came into Teterville he didn 't look good . He said he was thinking about dropping . Oh no . Joell and I went to work trying to talk him out of it . I won 't share all the details because that 's Adam 's story , not mine . I will say , because it explains some other stuff , that his pacer wasn 't doing great at that point . I asked if he wanted me to start pacing him . He said no , if he continued he 'd continue with the pacer he had . We talked him into continuing onto Lapland , which was around 9 miles . We told him we 'd reevaluate when he got there . Oh yeah , and just so you all know how devoted I am to pacing , I put vaseline on his feet too . Eeewww . I also never washed my hands all day or night . And ate food . I might never get clean again . Joell found him some fresh socks and we were hoping that would perk him up . I don 't know if it did , but he left the aid station without dropping . Yay ! While Adam was at the aid station Jason came in . He was also in a rough patch here , but was getting a new pacer , so hopefully just having a new person to talk to and spend time with would help ! I never once thought he might quit , and he had quite a crew , so I told him good job and left him in capable hands while I helped Adam . We continued onto Lapland to wait for the guys . We had a long wait . It was also freezing but Ken and Dana Childress were there and it 's always fun to visit with them , so we stayed outside the car quite a bit . Justin got there and Kristi finally got to sit down . We got some warm pants on Justin . I wish I had a photo of him sitting in a chair with shorts on , with his pants around his thighs . It was priceless . Joell was going to be pacing him into the finish . I joked with her that they had all that uninterrupted time and they should just consider it a date ! I was sad to see them go because I enjoy hanging out with Joell and I also had a feeling I might end up pacing Adam and that was going to mean not seeing Justin finish . I was incredibly happy for him though that his dream of running 100 miles was about to come true ! After Justin and Joell left we got in the car and Kristi gathered her clothes to change and then use the bathroom . She was more than ready for some sleep , but we wanted to wait for Adam and Jason to come in . At that time Candi called me . She finished her first 100 mile in 21 : 54 and was 2nd place female ! Wow . There are no words for me to describe how amazing she is . As I hung up with her I saw two people coming into the aid station and thought it was Adam and his pacer . It was ! He said he was so glad he hadn 't quit . Woot ! But , he wanted to know if I 'd pace him to the finish . Absolutely ! What 's another 16 - 17 miles that I hadn 't planned to run ? Who cares that I don 't really have my running clothes ? I 'll wear what I 've got and just deal . Then I debated . Text my husband at 4 am and tell him I 'd be pacing someone I don 't really know through the middle of the country just so he knows what 's going on ? I decided on a big fat no . Why make him worry ? I got some gels from Kristi and took the water bottle his other pacer had been carrying and off we went . I texted his wife to let her know what was going on . I had been texting her updates all day . We started out and he said he might need a few miles to get into some kind of rhythm . We hadn 't actually gone very far when he wanted to run a little . Yay ! I was a little afraid we 'd be walking all night . I was freezing cold and sleepy and I wasn 't looking forward to a long slow death march . That is not what this was , thank goodness . I was often just a little ahead of him and I asked if that was ok or did he need me beside or behind him . I think he said something like " I 'll let you know " and we never talked about it again , so I guess it was ok . I tried to get him to run every downhill . When we started running I would look ahead and see where I thought we 'd be able to run to . I wouldn 't tell him , but I knew if he was struggling I 'd say " let 's try to make it to that tree " or something similar . Every . Single . Time he exceeded my expectations . It was so cool . I was glad I didn 't tell him where I thought he could make it . Actually , I think I did one time , because he seemed to be struggling a bit but he made it past where I suggested . So tough ! Really , there just isn 't a lot to say . We trudged through the early morning darkness . He knew when the sun came up he 'd feel better . Like I did with Jason , I would run ahead to fill his bottle when I could . Basically , it was just hours and hours of Adam listening to me talk because I didn 't want him to fall asleep . I didn 't want to fall asleep either for that matter . When we were getting close to the last manned aid station , battle creek , I ran ahead to get his bottle filled and some food for him and for me . They fixed him a cup of soup and we left the aid station eating it . When I got there they told me to sit down , take a break , etc . Heck no ! We have a race to finish and no one is getting comfortable until it 's over ! I asked him a lot of questions about races he 'd done , what he still wants to do , etc . By the way , at mile 93 when you ask someone what else they want to do with running , what races they 've dreamed of , etc , the answer is nothing . They don 't ever want to run again ! It was kind of a funny moment . While chatting I told Adam that I thought his wife seemed so sweet and nice and he told me about her and how much he loved her and their daughter . And they 're having another baby in December ! Yay ! It was very nice to hear someone talk to nicely about their spouse . They seems like a great couple . Continuing on , we could see the finish ! There is a water tower and man , you can see that thing for miles ! Kinda sucks ! Still , you know it 's coming . This was Adam 's 10th 100 mile finish . I felt honored to have helped him get there . Honestly , the entire experience of this weekend was just amazing in ways I 'll never be able to articulate . One of those things you just have to experience to understand I think , and then no two experiences are the same . We kept moving and I was doing my best to just remain positive and happy because if I started acting like I felt it wasn 't going to do Adam any good . I hope I was successful in not being too whiny . The closer we got the more we ran . And ran and ran ! Our run wasn 't very fast , because , hello , 100 miles , but I think we ran well over half of the last 4 miles . Or I was dreaming . It 's possible . We crossed the finish line at 9 : 48 am , 27 hours and 48 minutes after he started . Well , he crossed this finish line . I did not . It was not my moment . I went into the tent and got him food and something to drink while he got his award . Marcia and Joell gathered all of his stuff and got it in his pacers vehicle . He had to get back to Wichita ASAP for a meeting . I texted his wife that he finished , then went and talked to Justin , Joell , Marcia and whoever else came in and out of the area where we were . I walked past Justin and said " just so you know , I 'm a freaking badass ! " He started laughing . He was on the phone with Zach Adams and told him what he said . Later Zach called me to tell me how much help I had been to so many people and how great that was , etc . It was so kind of him to do that and made me feel so good . I went to change my shirt and then wait for Jason . He came in less than an hour later . He had finished his first 100 ! I was so proud of him . He had a bunch of family and friends at the finish line , which was great to see . I told him good job , but I was toast so I had to head home . I 'm so happy to have helped pace Jason and Adam and crew Justin and Candi ( just a tiny bit on Candi ) . It 's awesome to see people do something so huge and accomplish their goals . I left there so inspired . To see them go through a rough patch and dig deep and gut it out is indescribable . I know when I 'm running my race in a few weeks . I 'll remember them and how they gutted out the race and use it for inspiration . So , that 's how I accidentally ran over 31 miles . I had a nice easy 15 planned . I 'm thrilled with how things turned out though . I learned a lot and I 'm ready for my 50 !
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Posted on April 25 , 2017 by genabridgette Most of you know by now that I write for our local paper . I enjoy it and it puts a little extra money in my pocket . What you probably don 't know is that not all of my ideas get the green light . Sometimes they are too far away or sometimes there are too many of the same type of thing to be fair . Well , last Sunday it was raining and I was trying to come up with a drive and Rod was home … well , we all know that there are times that he doesn 't want me out gallivanting around , and I don 't blame him but I also have these other responsibilities . Then I had an incredible idea and it seemed so perfect that I asked him to go as well . I had the idea that since it was raining an indoor destination would be best and not that far away , ( which was good for Rod ) was a huge flea market ! Eureka ! I have found my adventure ! ! Well , this is what I thought anyway . Later on the editor told me that since there are so many flea markets , unless it is special I really couldn 't focus ( or they really ) on just one over another one . Well … that is why I am writing it here . The following story is close to the one that I was going to write for the paper . I know not as many people will see it , but I wanted to write it anyway . I hope you enjoy it ! Sometimes , when you wake up on a Sunday and look out the window , your plans for whatever drive you were going to take are dashed . When this happens , you can either stay home , or find somewhere else to go . A Sunday Drive is a tradition of spending time together as a family and just like in life , sometimes plans get changed . That is when we need to readjust and spend the time together in another way . This week the rain on Sunday may have prevented heading to a nice outdoorsy spot , but in Union , Mississippi , in an old RV and boat storage building is an experience that has something for everyone . The dictionary defines a flea market as : a market , often outdoors , consisting of a number of individual stalls selling old or used articles , curios and antiques , cut - rate merchandise , etc . It further goes on to tell us that the origin of a flea market is : 1917 , especially in reference to the marché aux puces in Paris , so - called " because there are so many second - hand articles sold of all kinds that they are believed to gather fleas . " [ E . S . Dougherty , " In Europe , " 1922 ] . We know that there are no fleas , but there are second hand articles of all kinds . As you enter the confines for the very large metal building you will see the hard work of others and things that may transport you back to your childhood . Handcrafted items and jars of marbles near each other give way to bottles and glasses and costume jewelry . Books and cans and signs , everyone is sure to find something that they can take home with them . More than that , there are memories waiting to be found . Down one aisle sits 3 Flexible Flyer snow sleds . Someone will walk by those sleds and laugh , remembering how they flew down a hill from their childhood . Recalling vividly how exhilarating it was to soar down the hill only to fall off at the end , into a large bank of fresh , soft snow . Remembering how they ran as fast as they could back up the hill , dragging the sled behind them so that they could do it all again and again until their mother declared it was time to head home . Or maybe the tractor seat on the milk can will remind someone of their grandpa working all day on his tractor but still finding time to stop and show them how to catch the biggest bass in the pond . There are no fleas at the flea market , but there are memories so thick that you almost have to brush them aside . Not all of the items may end up going home with you in your car , but most likely you will have new memories to talk to your family about … things that you may never have thought to talk about before . Time spent together making new memories from old ones . That is what Sunday DrivesAs an aside , Rod and I ended up with a Flexible Flyer that we are going to use for decoration in our house in Michigan . I never thought I would see one here in Mississippi but you just never know what will pop up . Anyway , take the time to visit the Flea Market . It is on Highway 15 in Union , Mississippi . I can 't guarantee you will take something home but I can guarantee you will have lots to look at ! Posted on April 18 , 2017 by genabridgette I have to drive to work every day , at least a half an hour . Driving time for me is thinking time . I guess you probably figured that out , since I do most of my posts by dictating them into my iPhone as I drive . LOL . At least it is a time that I 'm putting to good use , Or using it any rate . Sometimes songs on the radio make me think about things . I mean , I know that I 've talked about this before . Trisha Yearwood 's song for instance , The Song Remembers When . That is such a true song that it amazes me every time I hear it . Some songs make you cry , some songs make you laugh , and some songs make you think about things . If you really think about those words , they are so true . When I grew up , I got kicked out of my house when I was 16 . A lot of that was my fault , but I got kicked out nonetheless . And I ended up marrying my first husband , Chuck . That didn 't work out , and that is a fact , but I got my beautiful daughter Lianna out of it . When I left with Chuck I was young and scared and had no idea what life was like . When I left Chuck I was a little wiser and had more experiences and a big responsibility in a small package and so I had to figure life out pretty quickly . Then I moved on , and I met my boyfriend Russ . Russ and I were together for five years , and that didn 't work out either . But , Russ led me to my husband Rod . And , it was just what I needed at the time . I still have fond memories of both of them , they were both exactly what I needed when I needed them and being with them taught me a lot and shaped me partly into who I am today . Now , both relationships ended , and both times my heart got broke . But , if I hadn 't gone through the hurt I wouldn 't be where I am now . And where I am now is in a marriage that has gone on for over 20 years to a man that must have been hand picked exclusively for me . Even after 20 years , there are times that there is pain , but there 's a lot of times that are equisitely beautiful . This dance with my husband for the last 21 years , has been the best dance that I have ever had . I would never have been here had I not gone through the other things . Had I not had Chuck , who 's to say I would 've found Russ , and if I hadn 't had Russ , who 's to say that I would 've ever found Rod . And Rodney is where I was supposed to end up . There was a time before him , but there will be no other after him . So yes , our lives are one big game of chance . And in the end , that 's it . You take a chance . You take a risk , your heart gets broken or it doesn 't , but in the end it 's all worth it . The sweetest moments in my life have come about because I took a chance . Like Mr . Brooks says in his song , I could 've missed the pain , but I 'd have had to miss the dance . I wouldn 't give up one moment with any one in my past ormy presents for anything . The pain and the heartbreak , well they lead to the sweetest moments in life . They can lead to bliss . Today , I just want to leave you with one thought . Go out , take a chance . Live your life , give your heart to someone . It might get broke , but you might have the sweetest longest dance that you could ever imagine . And in the end it 's totally worth it ! I hope everyone out there has a great day , and I 'll talk to you soon . Oh and by the way , here are a couple shots that you may or may not have seen before . I hope you enjoy them ! Posted on April 15 , 2017 by genabridgette I have three sisters . I don 't talk to some of them all that much , I think the last time I talk to my one sister was when her oldest was being born . Some of that 's my fault , and some of it 's just life . My family has never been really close . I have one sister that lives in Nebraska and does her own thing and no one in the family really hears from her . And then I have another sister . Now when I got kicked out of my house when I was 16 this sister was just a baby . She was actually , in either kindergarten or first grade I can 't remember which . So , I never really got to know her all that well . When she was younger However , I do love my sisters . And the sister that I 'm talking about now , is gay . I have absolutely no problem with that . It 's her life , and I think she needs to live it however she sees fit and do what makes her happy . Well , at any rate last night I saw her post something on social media , and basically people were judging her and giving her a hard time for whatever reason . Now , life is hard enough without someone getting into your business and creating you all kinds of misery . My sister , may put on a good front but she 's actually A very tenderhearted person . She may act like she doesn 't care and might pretend to say fuck everything , but in all actuality the words and actions of others hurt . I don 't care if she 's my sister she 's not my sister , I would feel the same pretty much no matter who it was . Why on earth do people have to be mean ? I mean honestly , is she really hurting anyone ? For that matter is the kid that you teased yesterday really hurting anyone ? Is the person that you judged really hurting anyone ? And let me ask you this , are the infringing upon your life in someway ? I 'm sorry is the air that you breathe and that they share so precious that you can 't share it with another human being ? I mean at the end of the day , that 's really what we 're talking about here . Another human being . I 'm pretty sure , that the golden rule that my grandma taught me said that I should treat everybody how I wanted to be treated . Pretty sure that 's what it was . And all of these people , these so - called Christians or these people to think that they 're so much better than everybody else treat everyone else like crap . Now , on the same subject , I don 't believe in pushing your lifestyle , whatever it is in someone else 's face . So , all of those activist for whatever they are trying to activate for , they need to take a step back too . If you really think about it , if you just went about your life , and tried to treat other people nicely , or however you want to be treated , and everybody just did that , pretty sure that the whole world would get along pretty well . And this is not meant to be a rant against anybody . Well , against mean people maybe . It was just an observation . If you are so unhappy with your life that you feel theAs for my crazy family , I love my sisters . I may not talk to all of them , but I do love them . I just want them to be happy . That 's all I want out of anybody 's life . And whoever they are with , or however they choose to live their life , well unless they 're out murdering people or something . However they choose to live it , as long as you 're not hurting someone else , or harming themselves or others , who am I to say what 's right or wrong . Ultimately , in the end I 'm not the judge , I 'm not the jury . That 's for a higher power whatever it is , to judge us . So to all the mean people out there , take a look in the mirror , and get over it . Life is way too short to be mean to other people . All it does is make people sure that you have serious issues . I can 't think of any excuse in the world to actually be mean to somebody . I mean I just can 't think of one . And , why is it someone else 's business or responsibility they think , to get into your business ? I just don 't see it . Is there a hurt being done ? Is someone dying ? No . My poor sister , and her fiancé , were so upset about this person that was supposedly their friend and doing all of the things that she did . At the end of the day , this woman obviously has issues . And they are far bigger issues than any that she might think that my sister has . I just don 't understand it . So , today I 'll leave you with this thought . Be nice to people . It 's just that simple . Most of us don 't want people to be mean to us . So be nice . I know sometimes it 's hard , and I know sometimes we have bad days and we are mean to people . I am I know everybody else is too . But , to actively go out and be mean , I try never to do that . Because you never know someone 's story . So , be nice . I hope everyone has a great day , and I 'll leave you with some pictures that you may or may not have seen before . Talk to you soon oh , and by the way happy Easter everyone ! Posted on April 14 , 2017 by genabridgette We 're so busy in the day to day that sometimes I think we don 't stop and think about what we really want . Or , maybe just what we wish we had . I think this is kind of something that we need to do because if you don 't think about what you want , then you 're kind of aimlessly floating around in the big pool of life . If you don 't think about your goals , or aspirations then how do you know went to strive for . In my life , I have not been a very good goal setter . All the self - help Gurus tell you that you have to set a goal and you have to go for it . You have to visualize it and then you 'll achieve it . Well , I 'm kind of aimless when it comes to goal setting . Now my husband , he 's pretty good at goal setting . He sets his goal for say buying a car and he works really hard and he gets it . My goals are a lot broader than that . I always wanted to be a mom . I wanted to be a really good mom . And I hope that I have achieved that , I 'm a mom anyway . I wanted to have a farm , I have a farm and I guess it was my dream to have it and we got it . I wanted to be a good wife . And sometimes I 'm not , but overall I try to be . I wanted to have someone that loved me . And my husband , he really does love me . He loves me to the best of his ability and that is pretty good . Now , it may not be the movie romance kind of love , but that 's OK . It 's definitely not the fairytale kind , I mean there is no way that he is going to climb a tower for me , he would just get a tractor or a ladder or a lift or something , but he 'd be there for me if I needed him . I think that 's fairytale enough , so I got that goal too . I wanted to always be good at whatever I did . And I hold the record for the most motorcycle sales at our dealership , I 'm writing to series for our local paper , and I am thoroughly enjoying taking pictures all the time . So , I guess my goals are more broad , but I 'm still getting there . Now , that I 'm getting much older , my goals are even more simple . I want to grow old with my husband . That one 's pretty self - explanatory . I want to see my husband happy , and Not have to work so hard . I want to enjoy my life . I want to find something that my husband and I both enjoy , and be able to do that together . And we 've got some plans , So that one 's not unattainable . I 'd like to take a class and really learn how to use my camera properly . I 'd like to take one awesome picture that just makes people go wow . I would like to see my children be happy . Above all , that is one of my most burning desires . Actually for everyone that I care about . Even if I were miserable for the rest of my life as long as my children and my husband and my friends were happy most of the time , I would consider that a success . And I say most of the time because , you can 't be happy all the time , or you would never appreciate the good things . A little bit of sadness or trouble or turmoil or hard times must happen , if it doesn 't then how do you know when things are good . A little bit of bad sprinkled in with a lifetime of good is the recipe for a really good life . Well , that 's only my opinion I 'd like to have grandchildren , and I 'd like to see all of my children get married . Not anytime soon mind you , but I would like to live long enough to see that . And if I don 't live that long , If my time to go is today or tomorrow or next year , I want people to be glad that they knew me . I want to have spent my life making people happy , or feel better . Whether it 's with a kind word , a picture , a memory , this blog , or some other way that I have no idea that I did . That 's my goal , that 's my wish . I want to be remembered fondly . Hopefully , I 'll get there . I can say for sure that I do not want to get there tomorrow . I 'm really not ready to leave this place , but that 's kind of selfish of me and that one is totally not up to me either . I 'll go whenever I go , and I just hope that my wishes will have come true . I hope each and everyone of you has whatever wish that you are wishing for come true today . And so , I 'll leave you with those thoughts , and a couple of photographs that you may or may not of seen before . I don 't think these will make you stop and go wow , but I hope they at least brighten your day a little bit . I 'll talk to you soon ! Posted on April 13 , 2017 by genabridgette I have not been a very good blogger lately . I know this . I try and find ways to fit everything that I want to do into my life , and it just doesn 't work . Things always come up , and pull me in other directions . I 'm telling you , if there was a way that I could , all I would do would be travel around , right about my adventures , and take pictures . That 's it ! But , unfortunately I have to do that work thing . And I also have to take care of my family , and my house , and the things that arise with all of that . Last Sunday instead of adventuring , I had to paint my exterior doors , go to Walmart , and do something else around the house . All of this is stuff that has to be done if you own home , it 's just stuff that gets in the way . Last week was actually really messed up anyway . Sterling and I went to the gym one day , because the week was terrible . My youngest son lost a very good friend of his to a car accident . This girl was in the prime of her life , and her candle was snuffed out . By a stupid accident , one that wasn 't even her fault . My youngest son had to learn the lesson that sometimes for no apparent reason people are taken from us . That 's a lesson that 's always hard , no matter what age you are . He and this girl we 're very good friends , and she 'd been to our house . So , last week was messed up . How do you let your child know that there must be a reason why she 's gone ? How do you explain to your child that someone just out of carelessness cause the death of his friend ? It 's always hard , for a mom or a dad , when the child is hurting . It 's our very nature to want to hold them and cuddle them and protect them until the herd is gone . There is some hurts that you can 't do that with . And as I watched my son cry one night , I knew that at his age I couldn 't just have him climb onto my lap and snuggle him . One thing my son hates more than anything else is showing weakness , he gets that from his mother , and for him that his weakness . How do I let him know , that sometimes it 's OK to show weakness . Showing emotion is not weakness but actually strength . Anyway , the whole week was messed up . So it threw us out of our routine . And on Sunday , I had things that had to be done . So far , this week has been a little better . We 're back on the routine , but now Sterling is working in Baton Rouge . It 's Easter break at school , and so my 16 - year - old son and his friend took off last night , in my truck , and drove three hours to Baton Rouge to work with his dad . Let me tell you , that was another hard thing . I had to watch my son drive away from me , knowing that he was heading into Baton Rouge traffic , and even though his dad was on the other end of the death of the journey , it 's still hard knowing that he is going to be driving that distance by himself . He did it , as I knew we would , but it doesn 't make it any easier for parents . I 'm reminded of a quote from a movie , it was called 10 things I hate about you , and in it the dad says to the daughter you had me on the bench for years , your sister still lets me play a few innings . And that 's how I feel with my boys . Spencer , he is busy trying to do his own thing . Not exactly having the best of luck with a lot of it , but he definitely goes his own way and really doesn 't want a whole lot to do with the family . Sterling on the other hand , he still wants to do things with me . He wants to do things with his dad . And that makes the times when I can see how old he is getting so much harder . Sometimes when I look at him , I still see the little boy that would climb up on my lap and beg to be read a story . He 's awful big for that now So , I guess my lesson for this week is that sometimes you have to let them go , you have to let them learn the hard lessons . We don 't want to , and sometimes it 's harder on us than it is on them . We have to let them fail , we have to let them fly , and we have to let them take all the tumbles that happen as their learning to spread their wings . All we can do as parents is hang onto the moments when they still let us play a few innings . I hope everyone has a great day , and I hope you make memories while you can . I 'll talk to you soon . Posted on April 7 , 2017 by genabridgette I promised I 'd tell you about our adventure , and I am a woman of my word . I have been wanting to travel to Redbluff Mississippi for quite some time . It 's approximately 2 1 / 2 hours from my house , so it was not a trip that would be taken on the spur the moment . And not a trip that my husband would be too awfully fond of . Anyway , the day came and Sterling and I loaded up . I wasn 't feeling exactly myself , but I ate a little breakfast , and I thought it would just pass . I thought I 'd be OK . Well , I was pretty wrong , but that 's later on . I drove down to red Bluff , which is situated west of Hattiesburg Mississippi . Of course , I , being directionally challenged had a little bit of a difficult time finding the place . By the time Rod called and started kind of chewing me out for going so far away , I was getting thoroughly frustrated . But , I was already there . I mean turning around really wasn 't an option , although I did consider it for about a microsecond . With adventure looming , now all we had to do was find the place . Unfortunately , this time , Siri just couldn 't help me out . After we had traveled in a full circle and come back to where we had started , it was looking like this was going to be a non - adventure . Then , I saw the motorcycles . I looked it Sterling and I said , " we 're going to follow them ! " Sterling looked at me with a question in his eyes , and I said " motorcyclists Love to go to red Bluff . I 'll bet that 's where they 're going . " We followed the motorcyclists down a curvy and winding road . It was absolutely gorgeous . And then , there on the side of the road was a road close sign . We had found our adventure ! We parked the truck , and walked under the barrier , and met up with a nice man named Harley who had been coming to red Bluff for quite some time . He and his daughter were taking the walk , and they had brought some friends that had never been there . It was his daughters first time visiting . As we stepped up to the top of the hill , the view was absolutely amazing . For a moment , I actually forgot that my stomach was a little upset . For miles and miles and miles all you could see was beautiful blue skies and fluffy white clouds and green trees below them . I never expected to see a view like that standing in front of a canyon in Mississippi . Then , as you look down you see the canyon . The Rosian over the years has created peaks and valleys and paths , and on the cliff faces you can see bright brilliant colors running all the way through them . I saw a red 's , and oranges , and purple , and yellow . It was magnificent . Harley told us that if we got back in the truck and drove a little bit farther there would be another parking area and on that side there was a path that would take us down to the river . Well , of course you know we had to go ! On the other side of the canyon , there were probably 30 to 40 cars parked . There were people seemingly everywhere , yet we ran into very few . And true to his word , there was a path just like Harley had said . Sterling and I started to wind our way down , and I just started to feel not so great , but the thought of the adventure kept me going forward . When we got to the bottom there were two ways we could go . If we turn to the right , we would enter the canyon , if we turn to the left , we could head towards the pearl river and the railroad tracks . We turned left . If you more feet , and they 're in front of us was a set of railroad tracks and a little bit farther we could see the river . The trees covered this area and it was beautiful and shaded , and here we did see people walking along the tracks and picnicking with their dogs . We even saw a family that was splashing in a creek , and later we saw them playing on a sandbar . I knew that there was a train wreckage somewhere down here and so we asked a family where it was and continued our track that way . As we walked Sterling and I discussed why the train wrecked , and how come they never cleaned it up . But neither of us had the answer . When we got to the train wreckage , of course there had to be some climbing ! And the train cars were positioned in such a way that you could actually get in them . They were laying on their side , and we were not the first to climb inside of them . A funny thing happened when we were in there though . I guess it must 've been because of the way the train car was laying , but both Sterling and I felt dizzy standing in this car . It was the strangest thing ! After we exited the train car , I really started feeling really bad . The thing that made it even worse , was that the truck was parked approximately 150 feet above me . I didn 't really want to ruin the adventure for Sterling , because he was actually having a good time so , we went on . Someone had told us that we could walk the creek bed , and enter the canyon that way . Well , with the way I was feeling that sounded like a really good idea . I was slow , and some of my pictures were out of focus , but I am really glad that we chose to walk the creek bed . It was another landscape entirely . It was almost alien again . It was another landscape that I really didn 't picture in Mississippi . At one point , Sterling stop to wait for me and I took his picture standing and some trees behind me , being very quiet , was a couple who had hung a Hamic between two trees and was sitting there watching the world go by I guess . It was a nice place to relax ! Finally , we decided to enter the canyon . This was so amazing ! Standing at the bottom of the canyon and looking up at where we had been made us feel so small . And the colors were just as bright down here as they were looking down on them . Had I felt better , Sterling and I probably would 've tried to climb one of the cliff faces . As it was there were still several hikers that we 're sitting in various locations on the cliff faces . We walked around , and explored , and then it was time to make the climb back up to the top . Let 's just say , that I didn 't throw up . That was probably the biggest achievement of the day ! I did have to stop at least three times on the 400 foot trail up to the top . At one point , A woman passed me and she said that woman looks like she 's in shape I 'm gonna hate to see how I look coming back up . Let 's just say , do not go out to Redbluff Mississippi when you have a stomach virus ! I did make it to the top though ! And just to let you know how bad I felt , Sterling drove home and I really don 't think I side seat drove it all . He would probably tell you differently , and I just can 't help it . All in all , the trip was amazing . It was all inspiring , and something that just must be seen to be believed and appreciated . It was time I get to spend with Sterling , and it was especially bittersweet this week for personal reasons . On a sidenote , I didn 't end up going to work the next day I never got out of bed ! Thank goodness that stomach virus was only the 24 hour variety , I don 't usually get sick , but that was horrible ! Today I want to leave you with this thought . No matter what kind of family you have , no matter if it 's fractured and no matter if you 're mad at them or they 're mad at you , make sure they know that you love them . Make sure that you take the time to spend time with them . And make sure you never let an opportunity go by to make a memory with them . You just never know when the next moment will be your last moment . I hope each and everyone of you have an amazing day ! Here are a couple of shots of red Bluff , if you live in Mississippi , make sure you go ! By the way , I did look it up , and it seems like almost every state has a Grand Canyon of some sort . So go explore yours today ! Posted on March 30 , 2017 by genabridgette I have not been writing much . I 'm a terrible blogger . There 's been so much going on , but I have not had the time to just stop and take time to give you the attention that you deserve . So , I wanted to let you know I still am adventuring . Although now , my adventures and up in the newspaper . I think that is totally awesome ! Here is the latest adventure that I had , in newspaper article form . I took another Sunday adventure last Sunday , and let me tell you , once that was published I 'll have to actually tell you the story . I was feeling terrible that day . But , the adventure was amazing . A friend of mine told me that she 's proud of me . And I kind a looked at her and I told her thank you of course and I must 've had a puzzled expression on my face because she said you 're doing what you love . I try to . There are so many setbacks and hurdles that block my way but somehow I still try and climb over them . At the end of the day , that 's really all we can do . Try and climb over the obstacles that are blocking our path and keep heading towards our ultimate goal . I hope each and everyone of you have an amazing day today . I 'll talk to you soon !
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He didn 't do girly . Never . He didn 't cry . He didn 't wear pink . He didn 't do soft . He was first and foremost a man . Not only that , but a manly man , complete with military haircut , big muscles and a healthy respect for sweat blood and … well not tears , not really that was a little girly for his tastes . So when he was called in an emergency and told to rush to a hospital he didn 't panic . He walked calmly , perhaps slightly faster than normal , his boots gripping tightly to the too shiny hospital floor as he made his way to the reception desk . He didn 't acknowledge his heart pounding in his chest threatening to push his way into his throat and at the same time drop into his stomach . He ignored and denied this as he was lead into the room that held his wife . He saw her , covered in sweat , traces of blood , her face distorted by tear tracks . He saw and his knees were traitorously weak he held her hand because she demanded it and while he was not girly he was a gentleman . It was weeks later when he was left in care of that small pink bundle for the first time . He was not frightened . He was braver than that . But in a dark place he refused to shed light on he was terrified , he was panicked and he was looking for his wife to hurry back and rescue him from the cooing drooling heart wrenching bundle that was their daughter . Hardly a person and yet the entirety of everything that mattered . His heart was neither in his throat nor in his stomach , it had been ripped out and stolen by this magnificent terrifying creature that mattered more than air , more than gold , more than sunlight and water . Inside that precious bundle held his heart and he couldn 't bear to look away , or recognize how fragile and irreplaceable it was . It drooled on him . It was only a blink of an eye and years had passed . That strange bundle of blankets had grown . It could laugh , and cry and speak - semi coherently although always too fast and so high pitched he worried for the windows . It could also demand and pout and had eyes big enough for him to sink into and see the precious truth that was his heart and his wife 's heart and his daughter 's heart trapped in that oh so tiny chest that heaved with a barely suppressed bawl , a lip that quivered and a little sniffle that threatened to undo him until he could do naught but relent . He could wear pink for her . He could don the tiny tiara and use the pink blanket as his cape . He could do these things because he might be a manly man and tough but he was also more than that . He was a father . Seeing that almost cry turn into a joyous smile was enough to keep him strong . When others teased him in his pictures he didn 't need to throw up a defense , he simply smiled back . He was still manly , he was tough , but no one could ever tell him that girls weren 't just as tough . He had been there when the second bundle had been born . Blood , sweat , and tears had been part of it , but also pain , fear , determination , euphoria , and triumph . He was a manly man , but he looked to his wife when he needed courage , because that was more than he could have borne , and she had done it twice and was well on the way to her third . He was a manly man , but he did do girly . He let tiny fingers braid his short hair and longer beard , he wore pink when it was required , he played prince charming , and was a human jungle gym , he had a healthy respect for blood , sweat , and tears . And he did cry , and he revealed in that which was soft and perfect in his family , because first and foremost he was a father . It was fun to sleep in . Not five minutes , of even ten , but hours , mainly because the night before it had been fun to stay up . I could smell food , though , and my stomach said I should investigate . It was the middle of the afternoon , and my brother had cooked breakfast . Five years my senior and he had decided to be responsible by frying some eggs , for himself . I pouted at him , honestly pouted . Why hadn 't he cooked me any eggs . He just grinned and pointed to the kitchen . I huffed and returned to the living room a few minutes later with the last of the cookies and cream ice cream . I didn 't try and steal the remote from my sister , two years my senior , who was engrossed in another of her teen soaps . Girl loves boy , boy messes up , oh look random new character for girl to obsess over . Not my thing , I like cartoons . Yea so sue me . We didn 't really do the talking thing . Brother napped on the sofa , taking up the entire thing , Sis was making goo - goo eyes at the latest heartthrob from mom 's seat and I was in dad 's chair one leg over the arm and wishing I 'd thought to bring a soda through . At some point sis had made us put our dishes in the sink , although none of us would put them in the dishwasher . Mom and Dad were out of town . It was thrilling . We were old enough to be considered responsible , we weren 't , not really , but we also weren 't likely to burn down the house and were clever enough to call 911 , or one of the many ' adult ' friends and family that were conveniently listed next to the phone should anything happen . Anything at all , Mom had stressed . So we didn 't do the dishes , we knew the drill , make as much mess as you want but the afternoon , or more probable as soon as they call from the airport , we will freak out and clean . As a team even . We might not do a lot together but making sure Mom doesn 't freak out and start cleaning , although we know she will no matter how clean it is , the moment she arrives home . Then when she does , Dad will roll his eyes with us and very obviously ignore any signs of insanity that may have happened while they were away . We spent that day like we spent most of the two weeks , watching TV , bickering lazily , hanging about , generally making a nuisance of ourselves , and occasionally my siblings , would go out with their friends , none of mine were able to drive though so I was pretty much stuck . That night we decided to order in pizza . We had enough money left that we could do this a couple times and none of us wanted to defrost any of the meals and actually cook . So that night 's dinner , which arrived around eleven - thirty was pizza . Greasy goodness that was pretty fantastic . For some reason none of us slept in the next morning , well we were all up while it was still technically morning . I was in the living room watching cartoons , Brother was through on the computer blowing things up and Sister was upstairs talking on the phone . At least that 's where I thought everyone was . I was pulled out of my cartoon induced haze by an awful noise though . It was visceral and sent chills up my spine . I was up on my feet and running before I even processed what the noise was , a choking retching sound that had me skidding to a stop outside the bathroom , feet going further than my torso in my fuzzy socks . Grabbing the doorframe to steady myself that awful noise , so much louder , closer , more painful than before gripped me and I could see my sister . My big sister collapsed in the bathroom , holding the toilet for support , her face red and wet with tears , snot slimy on her upper lip , jaw trembling and hair stuck to all of it . She heaved again and my brother was behind me . He stayed well back though . Unsure how to help his little sister , knowing damn well she would shove him away , no girl wants a guy to see her looking like that , not even a guy who doesn 't count like your brother . Or maybe especially not your big brother who can 't beat anyone up for you for this , and honestly wouldn 't be very helpful at all . None of this mattered though . My sister was in pain and mom wasn 't there to make it better . I didn 't realize I was on the floor beside her in minutes , dodging the first incident which hadn 't made it into the porcelain bowl . Hand on her back I flushed the first of it , then pulled her hair out of her face when it became imminent she was about to need it again . She was shaking and crying and generally a mess . I snapped at my brother to fetch water . Someone needed to act and he seemed frozen with inability , the moment I snapped at him though he jumped into action , he desperately wanted to help , and muttering " are you okay " from a safe distance wasn 't going to solve anything . It seemed the attack was over . I wet the hand towel with cool water and handed it to my sister so she could wipe her face as she sat back against the wall , one arm still propped on the toilet . She got her sobs under control while I took the glass from my brother , still hovering just beyond the doorway . Instructions , he needed instructions . Get a bucket , put it by the sofa and then go to the store for sports drinks and crackers . We already had crackers , that didn 't matter at the time , it was instructions and he followed them . Brother successfully diverted I had to get my sister off the bathroom floor where she sad feeling miserable . Carefully we negotiated the first incident and got her to the living room . She sat propped up on the couch , glass of water clutched in shaky hands occasionally sipping it . When I heard the car start up I fetched a clean shirt , hers had evidence of the bout of sickness , and had to be uncomfortable . I let her change by ignoring the living room and started boiling some water for some herb tea . Mom always makes herb tea when we 're sick . Tea set next to the water , sister half dozing with her favorite teen drama playing on the TV I move onto the gross stuff . Someone has to clean the bathroom , and there is no way my brother who stood back unable to even move close to that scene is going to do it . I choke slightly at the smell of it but then block it from my mind . Someone has to do this . Working swiftly and not thinking about it at all I manage to clean the mess and flush most of it . Wiping the floor then washing it thoroughly I put all the cloths , my sister 's shirt , and a couple towels from the hamper upstairs in the laundry and set it going . I gagged once it was finished and downed a large glass of water . My brother had returned at this point . He had gotten more sports drinks than we could drink in a month and several types of crackers , also some ice - pops that a woman at the store had told him might help . Apparently he had looked so lost the mothers wanted to help him out , which was hysterical and got a good laugh out of me and my sister . That night I sat in the same place but my brother and sister had switched , he still looked at her wearily , desperate not to have to clean out the bucket , she still looked miserable , and I didn 't blame her . Throughout the day she had been sick three more times and I had had to deal with the bucket . But now it was getting late and she had managed to keep down some soup . Everything seemed to calm down . We slept in the living room that night . My sister didn 't want to move , I wanted to keep an eye on her , and my brother still felt since he was the oldest he should be in charge . I knew better though . He might be the oldest and legally responsible as the adult , but I was in charge . I was the one who took charge when it was needed . I was the adult . I was also twelve . I 'm the fool ? I 'm the fool ! What gives you the right to condemn me as the fool . You left the door open ! I don 't say anything , how can I say anything to that , I take a sip of my still too hot tea and let it burn the tip of my tongue . Denied my drink of pleasure I take a deep breath and savor the scent as it fills me and keeps me sane . If my being mature is your only defense I was fighting too hard to begin with . I put the cup down . Sometimes it really is better to ignore your emotions when dealing with my best friend , too strong willed and emotional themselves to understand why I have to ignore them . " So that 's it . We 're just going to sit here and pretend that this is fine ? We 're going to let you finish your tea calmly and then what ? You think I 'm just going to sit here and let you walk out without stopping you ? There will be plenty of time tomorrow . This is madness and you know it ! " Of course I know it . Do you think I 'd be here looking for your support if I didn 't know it ? I did realize how close to tears I was in that moment . Something must have betrayed me though . Perhaps my eyes were just a little too close to tears . Perhaps my friend knows me well enough no matter how I try to hide it . I won 't ever ask what gave me away . I have to do this . You know it as well as I do . I merely nod . Then drink almost half my still too hot tea and savor the burn that I can pretend is the liquid and not my emotions clawing at my throat . My best friend walks to the closet by the door and grabs something . I cannot look up from staring at the lip of the cup , hoping that the wavering is from the steam and not my eyes betraying me . The cup is pulled from my fingers and I find myself staring at my friend , wearing their warmest winter coat . What are you doing ? You can 't go out in this weather ? I wouldn 't want " Come on you 're not doing this alone . " My coat is thrust into my arms and my hand is grabbed . My best friend is pulling me towards the door . " Remember though if we end up dying in this blizzard looking for your damn dog , I 'm so haunting you . " There are 26 letters in the English language , and we need every single one of them . Want proof ? Choose a letter and write a blog post without using it . ( Feeling really brave ? Make it a vowel ! ) Hamish knew exactly where this was heading . He knew where the conversation was leading to , and he was not going to stick around for it . With a great heave he pulled himself out of his chair and leaned heavily on his stick . The conversation in the dining room ground to a halt as they saw him approaching . They dithered as though he was incapable of hearing them from the other room . He wanted to scoff at them but he was too tired . " If you 're going to talk about me , I suggest you wait until I 'm dead . " He huffed . " Or at least out of ear - shot . I 'm old not deaf , blind , or mute . " " I am your Grandfather , not Gramps . If you can 't get that right , why should to get anything at all . " He threatened with a sniff . " Abigail , get the car will you ? " " Doesn 't make me blind . I know what you 're up to and it 's not going to happen . " He said with a thump of his cane on the floor . " You 're thinking about what 's best for you . " Hamish responded . " Once you got Angus put up , thought you 'd turn to the baby brother . Don 't see Abigail helping you in your quest . " " That 's because she 's been , with me . We 've seen him in that place , forgetting who he was . Forgetting me and her . You keep living your lives and living through your cell phones . We got in that car every damned day and visit my brother . When 's the last time you visited your uncle , Millie ? " " Did you even stay five minutes after unpacking his things into that box of a room ? " He demanded of his son . " No . You didn 't you were too busy . I 'm old not dead . You won 't put me in a box until it 's my coffin , so don 't try convincing me with pamphlets . And don 't you dare talk about it at my brother 's wake . I 've seen the hell he lived in , sitting by the phone as if it were his only line to life . Did any of you call him ? Did you wait until it was too late and cry that you had meant to do more ? Oh you 'd planned to visit if only he hadn 't up and died before you had the time ? " Abigail stood in the doorway stone faced , her tears long since cried out . He nodded to her and leaned heavily on his cane . " That said , it 's been a horrible afternoon . And just so you know I will not be signing up for a stay at any retirement home / village / or any such nonsense . I 'll die at home or in a hospital and without the tender care of any assistance workers . You will excuse me now . I 've just lost my brother and my family 's trying to sweep me under the carpet , I think I deserve a drink . " He grabbed the whiskey glass from the table next to his son . It was the good stuff . He drank it in one swift gulp and wiped his lips on the sleeve of his suit . Terry really , really didn 't want to open his eyes . He knew , deep in his bones , knew , it was a bad idea . With a groan of realization he cracked his left eye . As he had feared he was not at home . He was supposed to be at home . His wife was expecting him at home , and if the sun was telling the truth he was very , very late in getting home . He groaned again and let his eye close . Yes he was hung over . His wife might very well skin him for this . She was having a dinner party last night and he 'd blown it . He thinks . Last night 's mostly a blur that hurts to think about . He shifts and something rustles under him . Did he see the sun when he opened his eye ? Yes definite red glow filtering through , and there was a dampness soaking through his shirt that he knew wasn 't from some hotel or a friends couch . So he was probably outside . Outside was bad . Outside meant a lot more places he could be with the possibility of not having civilization around to get him aspirin . A very manly whine may have escaped at the thought of waking up without aspirin . All the same his shirt was uncomfortably wet and the red haze was sharp and demanding . He rolled so the sun hit his back . All he accomplished was a sharp pain on his ribs that had him yelping and sitting up much too fast . He found himself relieved of last night 's meal . Huh , looks like he made it to the dinner party then . So how had he ended up outside . In a forest if the pinecone he 'd damaged his ribs on was anything to go on . He squinted through the pain and found himself staring at the damp bark of a pine tree . Which he decided made sense what with the pinecone of doom that had attacked him . He managed to lean onto the tree 's trunk and may have fallen asleep . It was a stupidly loud bird call that made him groan awake once more , this time his pants annoyingly wet as well as his shirt . He really couldn 't get a break . With a sigh and more than a little help balancing from his friend the pine tree he managed to stand up . For the first time he really looked around and was surprised that he was not in a forest . Sure there were pinecones and pine needles and even his very own pine tree to rest against but beyond that , nothing but a Martian landscape of red hills and dirt . He shook his head and winced . He was mostly certain he was not on Mars . Why and how would he be on Mars ? He was at his wife 's dinner party last night , at some point . He took a worried step forward and his foot hit the Pinecone of Doom which slid out from under him and sent him falling back onto his trust friend the pine tree . He looked between the pine tree , and look behind him more sparsely spread out pine trees , then out to the Martian landscape . Not the dirt of the red planet he assured himself . Red clay . Georgia . That 's right his wife 's dinner party was his wife 's mothers dinner party . He had been out with his wife 's brother and his friend , they had gotten to the party and that last glass of wine had turned into a whiskey then … He wasn 't certain what happened after that , something about baiting the crew . What crew he wasn 't sure . But it had sounded like a wonderful plan at the time . He scanned all around , he couldn 't see a house . Just red clay a couple pine trees and more red clay . God his head hurt . He contemplated sleeping again but everything just ached . He wanted a shower and about ten aspirin . Also to punch his brother - in - law … yea punching him sounded pretty good right about now . He scanned some more and saw a glint of . . something off by one of the large hills of clay . Gathering himself up he managed a few steps . Then a few more , soon he was walking like he 'd done it his whole life . Albeit with his hand pressed to his head and his eyes barely open . The sun was too damned bright in the south . Cresting the hill was difficult , his feet kept sticking in the clay then sliding where it formed a slick mud coating . His hands were filthy and he couldn 't wipe the gunk off of him even as it dried forming a second orange skin complete with cracks over his knuckles that mimicked the wrinkles in his hands perfectly . Finally he made it to the hill top and was surprised at what he saw . The glint that had drawn him was metal . Big yellow metal construction tractors . Several of them silent in the afternoon sun . He was at a construction site . In Georgia . Somewhere near his wife 's mother 's house . And it was Sunday . No one would come today and send him in the right direction . He pressed his fingers to his eyelids and immediately regretted it as the clay crumbled slightly leaving dust in his eyes when he opened them . He grunted and looked about . He could see much more from his new vantage point . The tree 's where he 'd been asleep , the machines dotted around the construction site and more tree 's , on the other side . He stood staring for a minute and could honestly not decide which way he should go , but it seemed a shame to backtrack to the trees he had left earlier , not to mention the Pinecone of Doom would probably kill him if he returned . He started carefully down the clay hill and was shocked at how quickly the trees were gone from his site . If he had woken here , he may well have believed in aliens . Giant metal yellow aliens though , he could still see the large trucks with their claws to shape the earth . He started up the next hill and stopped . He heard something , something shrill . Something pissed off and worried . He smiled , he would call back but he was certain that was a very bad idea given the state of his head . Instead he hurried back down the hill and followed the call as best he could . Minutes later he was climbing up another crumbling yet damp clay hill , and really why was Georgia earth so determined to contradict itself he was not certain . He managed to clear the top and smiled at the sight he managed through his squinted eyes . A shame faced brother - in - law with a clear red handprint on his cheek and a worried wife calling incessantly for him to stop fooling around . He raised his hand to wave and miss - stepped . He yelped as he slid down the clay hill , dirt and rocks slidding up under his shirt , one rock gouging a line all the way to his shoulderblade before wedging itself in tight , his left shoe filling with loose powdery dirt that had dried on top while his sock cuff managed to slick up with wet clay from underneath the dry . He lay still at the bottom of the hill for a moment eyes shut and really , did he want to open them again ? He wasn 't certain . Then there was a cool hand on his brow and another on his cheek . Soft words , that didn 't hurt his head . He smiled softly . His wife . He frowned . That meant his wife 's brother was there . All this was his fault . In a snap he managed to open his eyes stand up and plant a mean right hook on the brother - in - laws jaw . He may have yelled something about pinecones . But he wasn 't sure . He was certain that he 'd have to try again when he wasn 't so hungover , the brother - in - law had barely rocked back . Although he was grinning like a fool and patting his shoulder . He decided he would wait until the headache had passed . He may have whined about needing aspirin . He really didn 't care though . His wife 's hand was on his back her soft voice scolding her brother made him smirk as they carefully negotiated the construction site and headed back to showers , and beds , and aspirin . It had happened a couple months ago , a breakthrough in science they told us , a way to electronically send a message to the future . Even detailed delivery was available , to a specific person , to arrive at a specific moment , in fact it seemed the more specific the easier it was to ensure deliver . There were awed silences , parties among the theoretical physicists who had worked their whole lives on such a thing . Some denounced it as heresy . I didn 't really care all that much about it . I couldn 't see how it affected me at all . In fact I found I didn 't think I would ever use it . I have always kept a diary . Not always diligently , and not always with beautiful prose or a pretty binding . Nonetheless I find myself writing my thoughts and feelings , my passions and fears , my own little self - help book and personal history . Occasionally I find myself leafing through the pages of one of my varied diaries , smirking at myself when it seems I 've written while completely drunk , sometimes visiting a particular time to help myself come to terms with who I am and who I was when I had written those entries . " I 'm going to the expo tomorrow . " She said . " You 're coming with me . " She turned and left without even rinsing the sink out . So the next day , against my better judgment I ended up at the expo and pulled around from new exciting breakthrough to new exciting breakthrough really just wishing for the weekend to end so I could get back to work . I wondered if that made me a sad person , everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves . My roommate eventually went to the long line of people excited to try out the newest and most exciting breakthrough and send their messages to the future . I ended up bringing her a flat fried tortilla that apparently had enough nutrients to feed a person for a week and tasted of pizza . She ate it in about ten minutes . We grew closer and closer to the front of the line and she was so excited to send her message that I couldn 't deny her by trying to drag us out , even though I wanted to be in bed and the trains stopped in half an hour . Finally we arrived and she grinned like a school girl , leaned forward and whispered to the machine . The screen lit up and she apparently liked what she saw and hit a too large red button sending the message off to the future . I rolled my eyes and she hurried off the platform . There was no need to rush away from the expo now . Neither of us could afford a taxi back home , even pooling our money , and the trains wouldn 't fun until 7 the next morning . With a sigh we did what we always did in these situations , and what did that say about us that we had such things planned already , we went up a floor and looked for an unused meeting room . Then we hid ourselves behind the meeting table and using our coats as blankets and our arms as pillows curled up to sleep , making sure our expo passes were secured and our bags safely tucked between us . We were up hours later with no need to rush to the train . It was Sunday the last day of the expo . Many of the tables were shutting down and packing up , most of the freebies had been given away . Some of the stalls were discounting their merchandise but by this time most of the expo goers had run out of money or run out of space in their bags . The line to the message sender was dwindling . It was sort of poetic . Three days and it had lost its sparkle . Sure it had been out for a couple months but three days at this expo and no one seemed so excited they 'd wait for the hours we 'd waited just yesterday . This fad , it seemed , would be like so many before it the most amazing thing ever until the next one when it would fade into obscurity . I must have looked whistful though because my roommate hooked her arm through mine and marched me over to the line . So there I stood in a line that would take bare minutes and I was told I was sending a message to the future , who would I send it to , myself ? Perhaps . What on earth could I put in it ? I didn 't know then I was standing looking at the screen it 's blank page staring at me , the cursor winking as though it were bored waiting for my instructions . Leaning forward I whispered into the microphone , much as my friend had done yesterday and pressed the red button , barely bothering to read the print out . Satisfied my roommate let us leave and my back thanked her . Sleeping on the floor puts me all out of whack . I 'm not as young as I once was . It takes us two hours once we board the train to get to the station find the car and drive the rest of the way home . I cook a meal for myself and my roommate groans at the scent , apparently the tortilla also keeps you full for a week , which should be impossible , but then again there are so many things that used to be impossible that aren 't anymore , why freak out about one more ? " I just got all tingly . " She yelped again and walked away from the couch . There was a sudden drop in temperature and we looked at each other with wide eyes . " Right , right , it 's my problem to clean up and you 're using me as fodder to escape . You 've told me before . " She rolled her eyes . The couch seemed to pulse and writhe while remaining statuesque , which was terrifying and compelling , neither of us could look away from the phenomenon . And then there was a piece of paper on the floor , my roommates name boldly written in green letters . Taking my spoon , and dripping red sauce on the floor she edged towards the paper and picked it up cautiously . She sniffed it . I have no idea why she sniffed it , I have a feeling she didn 't know either . With wide eyes she pulled it open and flinched . " This could have been sent in an email , or if I wanted to take longer snail mail . Any message sent ends up in the future . I don 't understand why you made me miss my train for this . " It is six years until I find out what her message was . She was living across the country married to some musician while I was living not too far from our old apartment , not yet married , although there has been some interesting company I 've been keeping . It 's not the first of these messages I 've received . In fact I 've got a special box that came out three years ago that keeps all the freaky moving not moving stuff from happening all over the room you are in . Instead it all happens in the box then the paper slides out as soon as you next pass it . The boxes are all over the place so you can get messages pretty much anywhere . I 've received them at work and at the grocery store and even once while sitting on a park bench . I pick up the paper and see the distinctive green ink . Missives almost always come in black or blue , red occasionally for business purposes . This green had really only ever been used in the very early days . Sitting on the couch , the same couch my roommate had been frightened out of years ago , I let my fingers ghost over the name , my name . " This was a much better message than yours . " She declared and thrust the bottle at me . " Where 's my dinner woman ? " She demanded flopping onto the couch . I spent maybe five minutes in the kitchen before bringing her a plate with a fried tortilla on it . " Spaghetti alright ? " I indicate the plate and she picks up the tortilla and takes a nibble . " Mmm . Just like old times . " And she turns on the teleview - screen happily munching while watching reruns of some awful soap opera we used to watch in college . I wrote in my diary and when I 'd finished tucked it away in its record box . It scans each time saving the progress , all my journals are stored in there . It has an auto link to my personal net . When I die it send everything in it forward two years , to whoever 's name I last told it . Right now that 's still my roommate , my best friend , and if she 's gone too , it 's to her oldest child . It 's a little morbid but at the same time , I 'm certain my story and hers will be seen by those it matters to , and maybe they will get some laughs , and see who we really were at certain times in our lives . Maybe they 'll watch through us as impossible things became normal and they can wonder at what they will see become normal .
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I don 't normally get the flu shot because I 've only had the flu twice in my life . I figure that my odds are pretty good that I won 't get it . I went to a different doctor and she just offered it and since I was getting the tetanus shot , I figured . . . why not ? ! Linus had just started preschool , so that was pretty much a dumb idea . I know that your immune system is a little compromised while it is building up the immunities from the vaccines and I immediately caught a cold . Not just a stuffy nose but a full on cold . Then , it was , well , you know . . . that time of the month . And all I could do was eat salty stuff . And that dries you out . I started to not feel very well and every time I even thought of water I wanted to throw up . I started to feel like I was pregnant : exhausted , nauseous , a little out of it in the head ( more than normal I guess . haha ) and when I started to get muscle cramps and stomach cramps , I figured it was time to see the doctor . I guess with all of this stuff going on , I wasn 't getting enough to drink , I was drinking more coffee just to stay awake and further dehydrating myself . On top of that , I had a kidney infection . So , I got to sit , all by myself , in the quiet of the hospital , reading my book I had downloaded on my ipad , getting stuck with an IV by a great woman who does that sort of thing regularly in the infusion room at the hospital . I got two bags of saline , froze my bum off not realizing that was how I was going to spend my afternoon , and still felt awful . I peed that morning and didn 't pee again until 7pm . Bad sign I guess . I didn 't feel better until the next day or so . Even then , I was still tired but the mental confusion had really been eliminated . That was the scary part . I knew I was supposed to know the questions being asked of me , but I couldn 't get the info to come up . To just sit staring into space trying to figure out what I wanted to say , or figure out what day of the week it was . . . it kind of makes me wonder if that 's how Alzheimer 's patients feel . Further proof that I am not doing a good job of taking care of myself . I am having a hard time taking some time out for myself . Having two kids doubles the demands and sometimes it is hard to ignore their needs for just a minute to meet my own . I was lucky enough to receive an actual elephant gift . It was men 's underwear as an elephant AND there was a button to push and it made the elephant trumpet . I was unfortunate to lose this awesome gift . hahaha . I can 't for the life of me remember how old I was , but I got stupid red bike . I hated red and it had TRAINING WHEELS ON THEM ! And it wasn 't wrapped . Ignore the fact that I had no idea how to ride a bike and had no idea how you 'd actually wrap a present like that , but I was bugged . Until , that is , my little sister started to unwrap her huge , giant monstrous box . Inside of that was a smaller box and a smaller box and a smaller box until she got to one of those plastic boxes that used to hold crayons that weren 't Crayolas . Inside of that was a coupon for a bike . At that point , I don 't think I cared quite as much about my bike , because that was just fun . Let 's do that again , Mom ! I remember the year we got our first microwave . Not just any microwave either . . . this was the ' 56 Buick of microwaves . I am pretty sure it was a big as my dishwasher . It was huge . I think we were one of the first ones to get one . It was pretty awesome . Especially when we found out that metal wasn 't supposed to go in them . I remember the year that the Nintendo came out . It was the toy of the year and completely on back order . All of us kids were completely crushed when we were done opening presents and there was no Nintendo . My mom whipped out a present and inside was a bandaid box . ? ? ? Inside was a puzzle . We set to put it together and what she had done was cut out the word Nintendo and cut it up so that was the puzzle . When we put it together , she explained that as soon as it came in to Sears , we could go pick it up . WE WERE GETTING A NINTENDO ! ! I will also remember this Christmas as being one that I completely managed to help a friend out and make sure her family had Christmas . I am pretty sure there were others that helped them out and I am not some sort of " hero " or whatever . It 's just that this is not something I do . I don 't plan , organize , and follow through with stuff like this . I would like to think that there was some divine intervention there . Or a lot of love . So , Friend , know that no matter what , I love you and your family . And I can not thank those who offered to help out enough . I will be sending personal thank you cards in the mail soon just to show you how much it meant to me . Just waiting for the buzz of the holidays to settle down a little . So , in lieu of the Spirit of Christmas . . . I 'm enlisting all of my friends and family to help a dear friend of mine who is struggling this year . I am creating my own private angel tree to help my friend have a Christmas for her kids . Kids know gifts and kids are kids . They don 't understand financial issues , especially if they are new to the family . I am pretty sure that my friend , her husband , and kids also NEED things that aren 't just about toys and fun . And I don 't think there are many of you out there who would , in a state of need , just dump on your children that there is no Santa . Please , friends , will you help me help this family whom I 've known for a long time ? Don 't sit back and think that someone else will do it . Just 9 people really . That 's all I need . More would probably just be an amazing Christmas for the kids . Be the one to step up and just buy ONE thing . $ 15 - $ 20 isn 't too much to make a child 's day . If you are willing and able and are in the state , I 'll come pick them up . Email me if you have an interest so I don 't end up with 15 puppy pillows . : D And I can organize a pick up . Oh , and an after thought , I am sure that mom and dad might need or want something . Inspiring gifting happens all the time . . . if it seems right , do it . This mom friend of mine is working very long and hard hours so she wasn 't able to sit down to let me know if she or her husband need anything . Let the Spirit talk to you . Posted by I wanted to put this picture of Nathaniel in here . That 's the little boy pictured . He made my whole entire week . During a song that 4 of Ken 's friends were singing , I was thinking that I should be recording it because it was beautiful , Nathaniel looked up at his mom and said , " I love you . " It just made me so happy to hear that . I hear he 's one of those kids that just knows when someone needs to hear things like that . Very intuitive . The Bailey 's have lost the Chuck Norris of the family . I am very excited to have gotten a hold of a manuscript of an interview he did . He tells stories like no one else . This year I made the sweet potatoes and used this recipe . Delicous . Although I did use almonds instead , it turned out very good . ( Even after I dropped it and it slid down the stairs and all of the marshmallows ended up on one end of the pan . I am thankful for locking pan lids . ) I also made the pumpkin pie . I use the pumpkin in a can and the recipe on the label . This year though , I added a capful of vanilla to the recipe . I am thankful for Stovetop Stuffing because it 's hard to find someone who can make good stuffing . There is usually an overload of sage . Or Sausage . Or too dry . Matt 's Grandma has a great recipe , we did not get to eat it this year . My Granny was one such person although she like to keep a low profile and not really talk about her accomplishments . She was a doctor and when she was in the hospital didn 't like it when the staff called her Dr . Edwards . I don 't think she like the embarrassment that ensued when a member of the medical staff treated her like an old lady and someone came in and asked , " How are you doing Dr . Edwards ? " She was just lowkey like that . I had the pleasure of meeting my husband 's dad 's father in 2007 . And upon first meeting all I could think was that someone met Ken Bailey and made the movie Big Fish based on Ken . Kind of like how the movie Rainman was based off of the real life human being Kim Peek , who lived in Murray with his father until his death and I also had the pleasure of meeting . He lived a very amazing , adventure filled , no holds barred kind of life . I hope to recount more of his stories in later posts , I don 't remember very many of them as I hadn 't had a chance to listen to them for many years . But I will say , he bought his first car when he was 13 and used to break horses for $ 25 a piece as a young teenager . Did I mention that he was always thirsty ? Seriously . Right out of the movie . And he and his wife Jolene . . . well , as far as I can tell , it 's still right out of the movie . I don 't know the circumstances of their courtship , but I bet it 's a great story . In the week of November 7 - 13th , he was at an elderly care facility and was told that he had pneumonia and that they 'd like to start antibiotics . He specifically expressed his desire that they NOT put him on medications . I can imagine that at a certain point in your life , you are pretty done and that further efforts to prolong your life is kind of pointless . He said once that if he 'd known how painful it was to be old , he 'd have passed long before now . Sunday the 14th , we all went to be with Grandpa Bailey . His room was filled with family and he was definitely having a hard time . He couldn 't speak and his breathing was " labored " . The nurses told the family that his vitals were fine , but I 've seen people who are at the end and he was there . He is a devout LDS and there was a search of oil to give him a blessing . His grandson , Jordan I believe , delivered the blessing and Kirk did as well . It was very eloquent and had everyone in tears ( yeah , Kirk manages to get everyone in tears a lot , it 's a talent I think ) . I don 't really know the ins and outs of it , but that 's what I think transpired at this point . There are many other things I could tell of this evening , but I won 't . It is a little personal . It was very beautiful . And he transitioned from this mortal world into the spiritual world the 15th . I would like to add my disclaimer that when I say terrible . . . I really mean it . From what I understand , his dad was a very mean man and while Ken managed to better himself and his life , there will always be that little bit of terrible that sneaks in and , quite frankly , in some cases , it isn 't too bad a thing . I want my children to know that even though he was a VERY great man , he was just a man . So , so good to his friends and family , but I think people learned not to cross him . And he had his curmudgeon moments with his loved ones as well . It gave him color and depth . He was a legend in his own time to his friends and family and as a good friend put it " It 's probably tough being a legend . " So , please don 't think I 'm disrespecting him in any way by saying the above . I have a horrible , terrible , awful , no good , very bad cold . It makes me not think clearly and I have a couple of things I would like to write about concerning this past week and don 't want to make a horrible mess of it . Then I add cold medicine in and my head goes from not clear to complete fog . * insert foghorn here * So , I really would like to inform you all of a couple of very important posts coming up regarding this week . About a legend and the loss of a legend . Mostly I want to share these events because his story intrigues even me which is pretty hard to do considering the Granny I had . Her life was amazing , she was a legend , and she 's pretty hard to beat in my mind . So , while I try to gather my thoughts through this fog , here 's a couple cute pictures . . . cause everyone loves pictures of cute kids . I once upon a time started a blog . I love to journal and I love to write things down and what better way to do so than on a computer that I have and I don 't have to worry about my handwriting and I can eventually turn this into a book for my kids . I figured I 'd eventually run out of things to write about . I guess I totally forgot what my life is like and who I am . My sister has been going out of town a lot lately so my sister , my mom , her friend , and I have been doing what we can to split up the time and watch the kids . The two older boys go with their dad , which is nice , and the younger two need to be watched . She is also watching a little boy who is 5 . I don 't know the details regarding him watching this little boy , other than , his mom is out of the picture , his dad is going to school out of state and will be back , but it 's too difficult to take B with him . And before I get too far into the story , keep in mind that B is 5 , he lives with his dad , and his dad has NO rules and lets B run the house . He 's manipulative and tough . Friday night I went to watch the 3 boys and had my two with me . Hammy doesn 't sleep well , so he was up frequently and in turn woke up Bea . It was a long night . Hammy and Chasey woke up early early early and decided to yell at each other from across the room like they were in an auditorium instead of a small bedroom . So , we all got up at 7am . And I needed a soda . I got us all as ready as I needed to run down the street to the gas station that has good ice and I just want to say car seats are a pain . B had one meltdown and I needed to get my intolerance of that out of the way quickly . He 's 5 . He doesn 't need to act like that and he knows better , but he pushes his limits because he can get away with it with his dad . After we got back to the house from my soda run , the kids got to playing and I got to cleaning . It is always easier to clean someone else 's house and I know my sister doesn 't have a whole lot of time or energy to clean . I don 't have the energy to clean my own house and I 'm not a sinI got all of the bags into the trunk , I got all of my stuff into the car , I was getting ready to put the car seats in and the back door was locked . Linus 's side always locks . So I opened the front door , unlocked the doors , shut the door , and as the door was shutting realized I 'd locked it . I 'd just locked the doors to the car . Called Matt , turns out the police car out front was not just a prop and the police officer was home , and offered to open the door for me . And I 'd just caught him before he left . He came over , wedged it open , popped the lock , and took off . I was so thankful ! ! Starting digging for my keys in my purse that were in the front seat . . . They weren 't there . So , I stay at home . And I use the internet to keep my company most days . There is a woman whom I 've been following her blog for a while now and because I 'm a stalker , totally facebook friended her . She posted something about coming out the the Ronald McDonald House for the Give a Hand fundraiser . I thought . . . cool , I need to get out , I know the house has really helped a lot of people out , sooooo . . . . let 's go ! I don 't have the GINORMOUS . . . and I mean GINORMOUS audience . . . and those who read and enjoy , thank you . I don 't have what seems to be the uniform ie : the super cute giant huge purse , the really cute clothes , the all put together look ( I have no idea how to accessorize . In fact you could give me all of the accessories and I 'd put them on and feel like a complete idiot . ) , and camera . I kind of felt like I was accidentally invited to the party with the cool kids . These ladies were very professional , very obviously have done this type of thing before , and totally made me feel very welcome . All the while I had a deer in the headlights look on my face , I 'm sure . By the way , can I just interject here that Linus totally flirted with Loralee and it was the cutest thing ever . He gave her this smile and batted his eyelashes at her . She really is that cute . He doesn 't do that for anyone . Anyway , the blogging ladies I met there , were Elisa from mormonmommyblogs , Veronica from welcometomychaos , and Loralee from loraleeslooneytunes . There was another woman there , but she left before I could meet her . There were two other ladies there who work for different companies , and I 'm not very clear on exactly what they do there , but Barbara Schmiett works at BRS Marketing Communications and Heather Johnson who works at GolinHarris . Ok , onto the volunteer info . . . All of you know about the Ronald McDonald House . It is a place for families to stay while their kids are in the hospital . Without going back and reading their whole story , I do believe a couple I have known forever stayed there a night or two while their daughter was at Primary 's . They 've kicked off McHappy Day and are offering an invitation for customers to purchase a " Give A Hand " for $ 1 and the proceeds will go the local Ronald McDonald House Charities . It is going from November 10 - 20 . They are also doing a contest . You can win $ 500 for you and $ 5000 for your local RMHC . Along with that , we were given a list of volunteer project ideas and needs that the house has . A few of these include : Sack Lunch Kits , Hand - tie Quilts , Pop Tabs , Housekeeping / Yard Work , and the Wish List of needs the RMCH of the Intermountain Area is large . Check out www . rmhslc . org for a list of things that are needed . These are the two I got on my phone . . . does it look like Linus and Ronald are like the repelling ends of magnets because that 's what it felt like holding him . But he did smile for the camera . He 's getting that cheesy grin down good . The ladies did fun pictures with Ronald behind the glass . . . this is Elisa the only one I could get . . . It takes 5 minutes just to get the camera going on the good old telly of mine . LOL So , I completely got to the RMHC and almost didn 't go in . I had a small anxiety attack . I had no idea what was going on , what I should expect , I had no clue . Period . I am a social butterfly who gets a little social anxiety and has not had a chance to groom my skills in a while . I completely went out of my comfort zone and I am so glad I did . Thanks ladies ! I am really looking forward to actually helping out a little and maybe this will give me and the very nice and not at all crazy lady next door something to " bond " over . I just found out via the Mr . that she volunteers every Saturday there . One of my favorite people has finally found his very favorite person . Finally . And I couldn 't be happier . So , I asked his VERY favorite person if I could write a little bit about them and she said yes . Thanks Miss T ! ( Although I didn 't ask if I could use the photos or write a little TO you two , I am going to take the liberties . ) Once upon a time I met a gentleman who was very nice and kind to me . I met his family and for the most part , they took me under their wing and let me be part of their family for a while . It was great . We became great friends and although there is the awful label he and I share , the dreaded ex 's - , things are sometimes weird for others regarding our friendship . He isn 't the weird ex - boyfriend who hangs around hoping and pining for times past . I 'm not the weird ex - girlfriend who still hopes to manage a small flame for the " in case " . Or whatever it is that makes our friendship so weird to others . There will come a time when the honeymoon phase is over . . . and it sucks . Cause you can easily get caught up in a rut . I didn 't really get a chance for that to happen so much with my marriage cause we had kids immediately and that in itself puts you in a rut . Take time for yourselves . Not as in you two together , but as individuals . You both already seem really pretty good at that . Miss T has her friends , Mr . H has his friends , and then you all hang out together . Talk to each other as much as you can . Mr . H , I know you are laughing a little about that statement as we both know I am not much of a talker when it comes to my feelings or things that are going on . My Bliss makes me talk to him . Especially when I don 't want to . That 's when I need to the most . So talk to each other . Therapy isn 't shameful . I think every couple should go to therapy . There isn 't such a thing as a kid 's handbook and there isn 't such a thing as a marriage handbook . No one really knows what they are getting themselves into . No one realized the work that goes into it . . . mostly the learning how to give and take and compromise . Who does what chore when and the divvying of duties . Making a family with someone who previously wasn 't is hard . Their ideas and values are different and learning to mesh them together is a challenge . I didn 't go to couple therapy , but therapy on my own at the beginning really helped keep me level headed . When you feel angry , bored , or any other negative emotion toward your partner , sit down and really , truly think about the beginning . How you felt at the beginning . Why you felt that way . Dress up . Pretend it 's the beginning again . It really helps remind me of the spark . And always remember , there is an ebb and flow of EVERYTHING ! ! ! There are good times , there are bad times , there are easy times , there are hard times . Hold on , keep your arms and legs in the car , and enjoy the ride . And now , this story , above all stories I have read . . . and I read A LOT . . . touched me to the core and really let something sink in . Please read it , read the moral , and keep this story at the forefront through your lives . When I got home that night as my wife served dinner , I held her hand and said , I 've got something to tell you . She sat down and ate quietly . Again I observed the hurt in her eyes . Suddenly I didn 't know how to open my mouth . But I had to let her know what I was thinking . I want a divorce . I raised the topic calmly . She didn 't seem to be annoyed by my words , instead she asked me softly , why ? I avoided her question . This made her angry . She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me , you are not a man ! That night , we didn 't talk to each other . She was weeping . I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage . But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer ; she had lost my heart to Jane . I didn 't love her anymore . I just pitied her ! With a deep sense of guilt , I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house , our car , and 30 % stake of my company . She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces . The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger . I felt sorry for her wasted time , resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly . Finally she cried loudly in front of me , which was what I had expected to see . To me her cry was actually a kind of release . The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now . The next day , I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table . I didn 't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane . When I woke up , she was still there at the table writing . I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again . In the morning she presented her divorce conditions : she didn 't want anything from me , but needed a month 's notice before the divorce . She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible . Her reasons were simple : our son had his exams in a month 's time and she didn 't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage . She requested that every day for the month 's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning . I thought she was going crazy . Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request . I told Jane about my wife 's divorce conditions . . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd . No matter what tricks she applies , she has to face the divorce , she said scornfully . My wife and I hadn 't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed . So when I carried her out on the first day , we both appeared clumsy . Our son clapped behind us , daddy is holding mommy in his arms . His words brought me a sense of pain . From the bedroom to the sitting room , then to the door , I walked over ten meters with her in my arms . She closed her eyes and said softly ; don 't tell our son about the divorce . I nodded , feeling On the second day , both of us acted much more easily . She leaned on my chest . I could smell the fragrance of her blouse . I realized that I hadn 't looked at this woman carefully for a long time . I realized she was not young any more . There were fine wrinkles on her face , her hair was graying ! Our marriage had taken its toll on her . For a minute I wondered what I had done to her . On the fourth day , when I lifted her up , I felt a sense of intimacy returning . This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me . On the fifth and sixth day , I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again . I didn 't tell Jane about this . It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by . Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger . She was choosing what to wear one morning . She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one . Then she sighed , all my dresses have grown bigger . I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin , that was the reason why I could carry her more easily . Suddenly it hit me . . . she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart . Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head . Our son came in at the moment and said , Dad , it 's time to carry mom out . To him , seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life . My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly . I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute . I then held her in my arms , walking from the bedroom , through the sitting room , to the hallway . Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally . I held her body tightly ; it was just like our wedding day . But her much lighter weight made me sad . On the last day , when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step . Our son had gone to school . I held her tightly and said , I hadn 't noticed that our life lacked intimacy . I drove to office . . . . jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door . I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind . . . I walked upstairs . Jane opened the door and I said to her , Sorry , Jane , I do not want the divorce anymore . She looked at me , astonished , and then touched my forehead . Do you have a fever ? She said . I moved her hand off my head . Sorry , Jane , I said , I won 't divorce . My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn 't value the details of our lives , not because we didn 't love each other anymore . Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart . Jane seemed to suddenly wake up . She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears . I walked downstairs and drove away . At the floral shop on the way , I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife . The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card . I smiled and wrote , I 'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart . Moral : The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship . It is not the mansion , the car , property , the money in the bank . These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves . So find time to be your spouse 's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy . Do have a real happy marriage ! So , Miss T , I 'm glad you are going to be George 's dog mom . I am so glad that you gave the wiener another chance . . . yeah , I called you a wiener Harold and there isn 't much you can do about it cause you really can be . : ) Tristian , you seem to be a strong woman who won 't put up with his shenanigans . Harold , you are such a sweet heart . Don 't ever stop sending her flowers and being so cute to her . I love you both and hope you have as good a time on this ride as I 've been having ! I am 30 . Wait , I take that back , I am not 30 , I am 32 . When my mom was that age I thought she was OLD ! I don 't feel old . I don 't really feel any different other than I feel a little more wise , I listen to my mom more , and my body hurts more and it takes more stretching to keep the stiffness away . Otherwise , I can 't tell myself that I am 30 . I can 't tell myself that I am a mom . It kills me when I have to tell myself to be the adult . I look at my siblings and they just don 't seem like adults . Not that they aren 't responsible or successful or whatever , it 's just that my brother is a bearded , curly mustachioed , fixie riding , artist . My sisters are both makeup wearing , long haired or done haired , cute / in style clothes wearing ladies . They still have friends they get together with . They still go out and have a good time like motherhood hasn 't grabbed them by the uterus and yanked them homebound never to leave again . And maybe that isn 't really what seems to turn some women into something that when I see them , I think . . . you are a mom . So , when I get a chance to go to a concert , I 'll take it . Concerts are one of my favorite things and because it costs money , they get put on the back burner . Sometimes it doesn 't go so well . . . and sometimes it 's the greatest day ever ! Hanging out with R and her bf C was pretty dang fun . I did get hit on by one 18 year old ( hardee har har ) . Funnier when he told C that I was " hot for a 30 year old " . That just made me thing . . . at what point is something not " hot " ? Mr . Leto is nearing up on 40 . Seriously . The big 4 - 0 . And he is HOT . I don 't say , " Man , he 's hot for a 40 year old . " I did get asked about the tattoo on my shoulder and was later told that was me getting hit on . That would also be me being oblivious cause I always have been . * disclaimer - not that it matters cause I AM married , but it is nice for the girl ego of mine . * So , my favorite part of the show . . . Mr . Leto can walk on the crowd and sing at the same time . It 's amazing . A . M . A . Z . I . N . G . And he talks to the crowd and really plays to the crowd very well . He 's very charismatic to a large crowd . I have been to quite a few concerts and there are a few performers that are great to large crowds and there are a few that are great to a small crowd . Prince - Great Great Great to a large crowd . Norah Jones - not so much . It was bad enough that I had to leave , but I can imagine she 'd be amazing at a small venue . Nickle Creek - Amazing at a small venue . Lyle Lovett - I think he 'd be pretty great at both venues . Metallica - Ridiculous at a small venue . I changed up my blog everyone . My eyes needed a rest from the beautifully colored owls and flowers . I found it horribly inconsistent with the colors of autumn and soon to come white of winter . Growing up in Utah , I got used to not being able to play with a lot of friends on Monday nights due to FHE . It 's the night that families put aside to spend with the family , doing an activity , and exploring a lesson together . It is a really great idea . While our family didn 't have a specific day picked out , we did our fair share of spending quality time together . Much to the chagrin of my anti - social , I hate my family , child and teenager - ness . My DFIL grew up doing a special family home evening the first Sunday of every month and he really wanted to pass this tradition on to his kids and grandkids , so we 've implemented it . The first Sunday of every month , we are given an item to prepare . It could be potatoes , dessert , veggies , or the lesson . It really is my favorite Sunday of the month and I always look forward to it . I can almost always count on Grandma Hadfield to bring the delicious Rhode 's rolls that I am too impatient to make myself or her amazing chocolate cake . Even the rare Sunday 's she doesn 't , it doesn 't even matter . The food is always excellent as well as the company . It 's nice to see the Great Grands and to on occasion see Michael and Emily when their busy selves grace us with their presence . : ) We start off with every family sharing news of what happened the previous month , any news , etc . that Jeri puts in a binder that she keeps . It will be very fun to re - read this after years have passed . I always enjoy the lessons we learn every month and I especially love the ones from the Grands . It is usually stories and lessons from when they were kids and that 's always so interesting to me . I love hearing stories about the childhood of others older than me . So , this prompted me to write about the lessons and what I got out of them for my kids to read later on . Click on the link above . It is in book form , with pictures , and you can turn the page like it is a book . It is very cool . It 's a great story . Do I take my time and stop as I start to cry ? Or should I make a mess of this so that I can 't even go back later and make sense of this ? Should I be brutally honest with myself so that later on I can show my kids that this is how I felt even though it might hurt feelings ? Then , knowing I 've hurt feelings , do I dare do this knowing I 'll cry some more ? I 'm so sick of crying . Let 's just start there . The why 's of my emotional chaotic mess will come later at a different post I guess , but just know these things - Right now I am at such a heightened state emotionally that when I find something funny , I laugh out loud . When I hear something that angers me , I am seeing red and feeling the steam come out of my ears . When I find something sad , I start to sob . I wish that these were just random things doing this to me , but I am almost in a place where I am picking up on the vibes of others and amplifying what they are feeling . I am to the point the when I do finally have the big break down , sobbing , blubbering mess I hope that I am alone and by myself . I really don 't like my kids to see this and I don 't want to scare my husband to death . Now , on to my ranting and raving and soul dumping . Because of aforementioned sadness I haven 't been going out a whole lot , as my friends can attest . I haven 't been very motivated to do much around the house . And when I try to , it doesn 't really matter because I end up having to stay in the same room as the kids and play referee and make sure Linus doesn 't kill Bea by sitting on her or smothering her with a pillow or blanket . So , I sit and play online so I don 't go out of my head watching The Dark Crystal again for the 500 , 000 time this month . I have been seeing a lot of bloggers and facebookers posting things that are hitting a little too close to my heart and I feel the need to spew my own feelings about this . I have had the privilege of reading this blog post about bullying . That was probably my brother . How stupid that I , having been bullied quite a bit , didn 't even think that my brother who wasn 't just a chubby kid , but quite fat for a while , was probably so awful to his siblings because he was bullied as well . I don 't even have the courage to ask him about it now . As the writer of the blog above was able to break away from the teasing mostly , my brother did as well . I know that at one point he started drama and had a great moment where he put on a jacket he hadn 't had a chance to put on and it didn 't fit and he broke out into the Tommy Boy " Fat man in a little coat " song . I am pretty sure that this might have been his changing moment . He also joined the football team . And I have never been more proud of him than I was when I heard of the award he won his first season . That he tried the hardest . He has never been a big runner , but even if it took him an hour later than everyone else , he ALWAYS finished the runs assigned at practice . He ALWAYS finished whatever was assigned at practice . He ALWAYS made it to practice . I think that earned him so much respect that people stopped making fun of him and he started to lose all of his weight from football and wrestling practice . But in reality , what he went through , how he got over it , does it still affect him , whatever , that is his story to tell . All I know is that I was a real shitty older sister and even at the somewhat grown up age of 32 I still can 't bring myself to ask him . I just can 't do it . I was also the victim of bullying . And not just by kids my age , by adults . It 's not like kids are too stupid to know when an adult doesn 't like them and then to have that adult join in with ostracizing the child is crushing . I remember the earliest time during preschool and I have an awful tendency to day dream . I remember all the time kids at preschool always saying " what are you staring at ? hey stupid ! what 's wrong with you ? " and then the name " Stupid " sticks . I was always a tom boy . I wanted my hair short so my long hair would quit getting stuck in trees and swings . It just got in the way . Girls don 't normally want to play with the tom boy and then make fun of the girl who plays with the boys . Due to circumstances that I think were beyond both my parents , my home life was very lax . There weren 't very many rules , there were no chores , there wasn 't any type of regularity . There was not a whole lot of stability regarding what was expected of us . I am not sure to this day if it was because of the way we were raised or because of the lack of raising that I dealt with what I did regarding kids and teasing . At this point it doesn 't matter for me , but I would like to think that maybe it was a certain lacking and maybe I can prevent some of it in my kids having gone through it . I have always been strange , weird , kooky , quirky , use whatever name you want to use , but if you know me and you say otherwise . . . well , you are either lying to my face or you don 't know me at all . I have a certain condition called diarrhea of the mouth and I have no filter for what comes out . I don 't know what is acceptable to talk about and I don 't know when to shut up . And to add to that , I am an awful know - it - all . To add this this , I was the skinny , freckle face , braces / retainer wearing , glasses kid with big feet and frizzy hair . Always with the frizzy hair . : / My mom was going through a lot when I was a kid and she was dealing with her own things so she wasn 't really able to sit with us every night and make sure that we were bathing or brushing our teeth . I don 't really know how other kids learn about hygiene or when to shave or put on deodorant or that you really have to brush every day , but there wasn 't really much of a presence in this sort of thing . I remember every once in a while , but I just don 't think that it was present enough to really create a habit of hygiene . Need I go on ? Don 't get me wrong , I did have my one best friend the whole way through elementary school . I did have friends off and on throughout until 6th grade . I was friends with every one at least long enough to have a play date . I always felt ugly , but my validation came in 6th grade . I remember where in the class I was sitting , who my teacher was , and this boy who was sitting next to me . He turned to me and said , " You sure are ugly . You know that ? " Do you reply to that ? Do you just . . . what the heck do you do ? I just hung my head and said " yes . I do know that . " 7th and 8th grade is where I shut down and if I hadn 't been instilled that those who kill themselves go to hell and it is the most horrendous , awful , torture for all of eternity , I would not be here to write this story . Every day I wanted to die . Every day , I just wanted to be gone . I met a girl who was Baptist like I was , she didn 't like my current best friend , and because she was the same religion I was , I decided maybe she 'd be better for me . That ended in my losing my best friend who in spite of my strangeness still liked me for me and feeling like I had no one . I was ridiculed at church , I didn 't fit in with the kids there , I was openly teased and no one stopped it , at one point , one of the youth leaders joined in . I would ride around with them with my headphones on and by accident I learned that they would talk about me with me in the car . I started to just put my headphones on and listen to those around me . I did have a few friends in junior high , but they were school friends . I don 't think I ever did anything with friends the whole time I was in junior high . I didn 't feel like I fit in with anyone . I know that is pretty normal , but I really had no one . I would go home every day and sit in my room and read . My siblings remember me best that way . Or worst I guess . I don 't know if I didn 't feel like I fit in for any other reason than I just didn 't feel like a kid . I didn 't get giggly , I didn 't squeal , I just wasn 't a typical 12 year old . I would rather go to my Granny 's and talk to her . Or hang out with my mom . But I was very aware of boys and desperately wanted some sort of recognition of me as a girl . I didn 't want to feel so ugly . I didn 't want to know that boys felt the same way that I did . . . but I always had phone calls from boys , they 'd pretend that they liked me , then ask me to go steady , then that boy and all of his friends would laugh and tell me they couldn 't believe I would think anyone would want to date me . I was disgusting , I was ugly , I was dumb . Over and over and over . I managed to get to 9th grade and 3 things happened . . . I got contacts ( even though it took me giving my dad the silent treatment for a while because he promised and then said never mind ) , I got my braces off , and my hair had grown long enough that the perm was gone and I figured out how to do it . Oh , and for some reason eyeliner is another thing . I don 't know what it is about dark eyeliner , but it makes me feel like a different person . I don 't know what happened at church to make things different for me , but I think a lot of it has to do with the women there who were outright mean to me were gone . They either no longer were at church or they were no longer in position of " power " . I also happened to meet a very great friend my 10th grade year who explained to me what was turning people off . She told me that I was a know - it - all . She was my mentor of sorts and with her by my side , I didn 't need anyone else . I feel that was the beginning . I was able to give off an " I don 't care what you think of me " vibe . I am told often that they never had any idea that anyone 's opinion mattered to me . Or that I always had a very confident air about me . I guess that would be my wall . I learned to fit in with the misfits . The skaters , the goths , the smokers , the partiers , the kids who dressed funny , the parking lot crowd . Those were the kids that I could let my strange creep out and I didn 't get much flack or they 'd let me know what about it just wasn 't ok . Who would have thought the outcasts would be teaching me social graces ? Even in my " I 'm more comfortable about myself " years , I still had to deal with teasing . There was a small group of kids in High School who I just hated . They were always mean , belittling , would go out of their way to embarrass and individual just to get a laugh . My poor friend worked with a couple of them and in our innocence , she invited me to the holiday dinner her work was having . I had friends who were interested in the same gender , but it didn 't ever dawn on me that people thought it was a bad thing or something to be ashamed of . I went to this dinner as a friend and people were teasing us that it was a date . That was my first experience with teasing due to sexuality . And although I didn 't really care , I think it embarrassed my friend a lot . I didn 't care because I had a boyfriend . I think she did care because she was so shy and did not , in fact , have a boyfriend . Or maybe she cared because these people just teased her all of the time and this was just something else . This particular instance is the reason that I turn into ' mama bear ' when people start to say or do anything that is negative towards the LGBT community . What if this friend just happened to be a lesbian and they shamed her to turn her back on who she is ? I am still hurt that people tried to shame me into being something that I wasn 't . I am weird . I am strange . I view the world differently and I have been shamed that it isn 't the social norm . I was shamed that I wasn 't LDS . I shouldn 't be shameful of what I am . So , I am now an adult and as a kid you are always told that things get better , and that 's just a lie . I have been teased , made fun of , been cast as an outsider , ugly things have been said and that has happened after high school . Bullying never stops . It just changes faces . It 's the guy who picks his nose and is stinky . It 's the guy who makes the same lame jokes over and over . It 's the guy who is just a little strange and is overly friendly . It 's the girl who , no matter what , smells like onions . It 's the girl who has a speech impediment . It 's the girl who is the only white girl at work . It 's the girl who is dating / married to the guy the mean girl likes . It 's the new girl . It 's the guy who just started work who is very effeminate . It 's the girl who doesn 't want to party . It 's the girl who got the job everyone else wanted . It 's the guy who just doesn 't fit into the social norm . Or even in family members . I have two specific family members that have always made me feel very inadequate and wrong in every way . One of them , I used to be told that " that 's just her way . " And as an adult , I won 't allow her to make me feel that way . I will call her on every back handed comment she makes and it has slowed down a lot . The other one , well , I guess my brother and I were everything she did not like . But , she was everything that I did not like so we lived in mutual irritation . Every day I see it . I think I have done a pretty good job of being friendly to those . I know I have sunk low and just to be part of the group I have joined in , but I try very hard to rectify that wrong . After talking to these people , you realize there are things going on and I really have no place to judge . So . . . after WAY too many days of writing this , here it is . I didn 't really get into as much as I 'd like because I had way too many distractions . If I had the ability to just sit and write , I would get more in , but having to stop and take care of babies and the hubs , I realize how draining it is to write this and I stop . All in all , I was an awful sister Posted by Six months ago . . . has it really only been 6 months ? ! I feel like I have lived a life time in 6 months . Kids really do age you . . . anyway , 6 months ago , we took Linus into the Asthma and Allergy Clinic to find out what cause the asthma attack that put him in the hospital for 3 days . I did ask her if duck eggs were more or less the same as chicken eggs , or if he would be able to eat duck eggs with no problem . Apparently , there have been no studies done on the subject . So , no eggs period . I 'm just a married momma of 3 that wear me out , make me laugh , cry , and scream . There is no preparation for having your own kids , or living life for that matter . I ramble , I am opinionated , and my opinions are usually a little different than others . I am told I view the world a little differently than others , so I hope you enjoy a peek at my view of the world .
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I own none of the fandoms for which I am making fics of . They belong to those who created and published them . I am just playing with them . Title : The Defiant Ones Author : rivermoon1970 Fandom : Criminal Minds Artist : blythechild , the art above is an original work and is owned and copyrighted to blythechild . Do not download or share said work . For the rest of the art for this story please click on the name and it will re - direct you to the page . Summary : Aaron 's feeling conflicted about his relationship with Beth . Still he 's shocked when he meets Doctor Penny Reid and he 's attracted to her . Then he meets Spencer at a café and he 's really not sure what 's wrong with him . Why was he attracted to two people at the same time ? Aaron Hotchner met Penny when he was trying to find an obscure book to check a passage out of . Garcia found a copy in the Library of Congress but it was in the Antiquities department and so he had to go there himself to look at it . Thankfully the case was in upper Maryland so it didn 't take long to drive to DC . " Oh , yes . Doctor Reid told me you 'd be coming . Third elevator on the right , you want the sub basement . " She pointed to the elevator and Aaron moved over to it . The elevator was small and cramped but sturdy . He could see the obvious cameras and figured there were a few not so obvious ones as well . He knew little about the Antiquities Department of the Library of Congress but what he did know is that the curator of that department was in charge of some of the rarest and most expensive books on the planet . Aaron had spoken with Doctor Reid on the phone and she had been very no nonsense about the fact that even though it was for a case and he needed it quick , no courier was taking the manuscript out of the Library of Congress . He expected to see a woman in her fifties , graying hair in a bun and severe glasses on her face . Instead Doctor Reid was young with a mess of beautiful brown hair in ringlets on her head . She had a pair of beautiful green glasses . He knew it was her because her nametag said her name was Doctor Penny Reid . Her eyes were a soft brown and Aaron nearly lost himself in them . She was as tall as him if not taller and when she walked he couldn 't hear the clack of heels . When she moved out from behind the main desk area Aaron saw she was wearing flats . That was also when he saw fully what she was wearing . The shirt was a button up in a soft purple color and the skirt was a dark gray . She was thin but not to the point of looking starved . She was beautiful to him . The immediate attraction to her shocked Aaron . He and Beth had been on the rocks but he enjoyed being with her . Jack liked her . The distance wasn 't bothering him , he was just out of sorts with their relationship . " Behavioural Analysis Unit . Agent Hotchner , if you would have said that , I 'd have gladly looked up the information you needed . I 'm sorry with how I was on the phone but I get calls from Federal Agents all the time that don 't feel the need to do their own work . How far away is the case ? " Her entire demeanor changed from stiff to relaxed and she starting moving towards a room on the left side . She wiped a card through a reader and ushered him in . There was a box of gloves on the wall and she grabbed out two pairs . " Upper Maryland so not too far . I 'm sorry I didn 't tell you . We are a week into a case and this is the first break we 've had . " " This is a serial rapist and murderer . He keeps leaving clues and we can 't figure them out . The clue on the fifth victim is a quote from this book but there are no copies online so our tech analyst found that this is the only intact copy in the United States . " " Do you have the clues with you ? " Doctor Reid put her gloves on and opened up the book to the first page . Aaron marveled at how good of condition the book was in . He pulled the paper that Garcia had printed out for him and handed it over . She barely glanced at it before turning back to the book . Aaron wondered if she was just going to look for the first quote . Instead she snapped up a notebook and pen and started to write . The first quote was written out as well as the page number , paragraph number and slew of other numbers . She did this for all five clues without even opening the book past the first page . " I read twenty thousand words per minute and have an eidetic memory . I 'm going to be much faster than you at finding the clues in the book as you can see . " Doctor Reid handed over the paper and as soon as Aaron looked at it he knew . The clues left at the scene were so simple , if one had the book it went to . The page number and paragraph number gave the date of the next abduction and that clue was tomorrow 's date . " Three fourteen . One fifty nine . Three oh five . Three fifty eight and ten seventeen . " Aaron watched as she started to mutter to herself . When she stopped she bit at her lower lip . Aaron tried to subtly shift as he felt himself start to harden . She wasn 't paying attention to him . " Taking out the first victim the time of one fifty nine would have been someone near or on the page with the first clue and it 's not there . I … I 'll think about it and get back to you . I 'll give you my card , Aaron and if another victim is taken and found , you can call with the quote and I 'll tell you the significance . I 'm also going to look through our records to figure out who has accessed this manuscript . I 'll gladly help in any way that I can . " " Penny . You can call me Penny . " She turned her face away from him and looked down at the book . He could see the blush on her face . Obviously he wasn 't the only one affected by their meeting . Aaron emboldened by her reaction , tilted her face up and kissed her cheek . There was a soft scent on her . It smelled like honeysuckle . She inhaled sharply but didn 't pull out of his touch . " Thank you , Penny . You 've been a big help and I 'd love to stay but I have to go . " Aaron pulled out his business card and handed it over . She took it and he made sure their fingers brushed . Her eyes widened and Aaron smiled . " Your card ? " " Oh ! Uh . Yes . " Penny stumbled a little as she moved passed him out of the room . She stopped at the desk and leaned over , Aaron couldn 't help but watch the way that the skirt tightened over her very cute butt . She turned back with a card in her hand and Aaron stepped up to take it . He brushed their fingers again and then pocketed the card before he pulled her close . He made sure not to wrap his arm around her back , just held her close with her hand . " Can I kiss you ? " Aaron asked . Penny swallowed and nodded . Aaron cupped the side of her face and pulled her in for a quick chaste kiss on the lips . She sighed as he pulled back . He brushed his thumb across her lips after her tongue darted out to wet them . He needed to get his mind back on the case and he knew it so he stepped back . " I 'll call you if we get more quotes and if not , I 'll call you when the case is done . " Penny smiled and kissed his thumb that was resting on her lips still . He turned and nearly ran into the bookshelf , stopping just inches short . He felt a blush on his face but he didn 't turn back . He didn 't want her to see the blush . " Pie ? What kind of pie ? " Aaron wasn 't sure if it was his sleep deprived state or it was her that wasn 't making sense . " No . Not pie . Pi . The number . 3 . 14159 , etcetera . If you take each number set of Pi you get the abduction times . Three fourteen . One fifty nine . Two sixty five , if converted is three oh five . Your girl that 's going to get abducted will be taken at three twenty three . You never said whether they were taken at the first occurrence of the number in the day or the second . It 's now after midnight which means if it 's the first , you have under three hours to find her before she 's taken . " " No . All the records over the past sixty years came up empty . Only three people looked at it besides me and you and one is dead , the second lives in England and the third is in jail for money laundering . " " I 've cultivated friends in my time in DC , Aaron . " Penny laughed and Aaron promised himself that he was going to make her laugh like that more . It was in that instant that his mind made itself up . He 'd felt more attraction to Penny in the short time he 'd known her than he had with Beth the entire time he 'd known her . There were probably those who would call him an idiot for dumping Beth when he had no clue about Penny but he felt that it was a right decision to make . " Thank you so much . I 'll come see you as soon as we get back into town . To thank you . " Aaron waited for her to say goodbye before he said his own and closed the phone . " The next victim is going to be taken at either three twenty three this morning or this afternoon . We need cops out now ! " Aaron met Spencer when he was in a coffee shop trying to figure out exactly what to do with Penny . He liked her . He liked her a lot but he also could see where her intelligence could be an asset to the team . Even just on a consulting basis . They 'd talked on the phone at the end of the case and he knew her degrees as well as the fact that she had a very high IQ . He was seated at the back corner two person table , sipping at his drip coffee when someone cleared their throat . Aaron looked up at the man . He was wearing slacks and a button down with a sweater vest over it . His hair was long , brushing past his shoulders . He had a messenger bag over his shoulder and a cup of coffee in his hand . He looked to be young . " Do you mind if I sit down ? Everywhere else is full . " The man 's gaze moved around the place and Aaron looked at his surroundings for the first time . The place was packed . He nodded and the younger man sat down . He held out his hand . " Spencer . " " No . I just noticed this place for the first time a few days ago . I live near here and am shocked I 'd never noticed it before . " " I love the coffee here , drip or espresso . " Spencer smiled at him and Aaron was shocked that he smiled back . He rarely ever smiled , except around Jack . His eyes were soft and caring . He seemed a little unsure of himself . " Their pastries are also to die for . " " Hold on . " Spencer slung his bag off his shoulder as he stood and moved away towards the counter . Instead of getting in line , Aaron saw that he moved behind the counter and grabbed a few pastries from the shelves at the back . He slid them onto two plates and smiled at the baristas before moving back towards him . Aaron took a bit of the first pastry . It was soft and flaky and the chocolate creme filling was sweet without being too sweet . He hummed appreciatively as he took a second bite . Spencer smiled at him even wider . His reaction to Spencer smiling like that was the same as when Penny had blushed . What the hell was wrong with him ? He looked away to try and clear his head . He 'd known since high school that he was bisexual . He 'd just never found a man that he wanted more than just a quick round of sex . The attraction to Spencer had to be just that . " I own this place . I bought it a few years back when the owner wanted to retire . The only thing I had to do was keep it the same . Minor upgrades here and there to keep up with money saving technology like the ordering system and such but other than that , I 've not changed anything . The lady who makes the pastries has been doing so for twenty years and her granddaughter is going to college to become a pastry chef and works here to put herself through . I might just have her convinced to stay and replace her grandma . " " So that 's why you can just pop behind the counter and steal pastries . How are you not four hundred pounds ? " Aaron started on the second pastry , this time it was filled with some kind of strawberry creme . He wasn 't sure which he liked better . " Forget to eat ? " Aaron asked . He sometimes had little time to eat while on cases but forgetting to eat ? That he 'd never really done . " I love to read and sometimes if I 'm in a good book , I can forget to eat . I usually remember the next morning and eat a good breakfast before stopping in here . " Spencer blushed as he admitted it and then took a bite of his second pastry . A little bit of the filling popped out and he licked at the side of his mouth . His second pastry had some light brown filling inside of it . He wasn 't able to get all of it and Aaron found himself reaching out with his finger and scraping it off his skin . He debated for only a few seconds about what to do before he brought his finger to his own mouth and licking the filling off . He locked his eyes with Spencer 's as did . The filing was coffee flavored . That explained the light brown color it had . He didn 't know what he was doing . Spencer 's eyes widened then darkened and he licked his lips before swallowing . " I … I need to go , " Spencer said before he grabbed his bag and bolted . Aaron jumped up from the table but Spencer went through the staff area and into the back before he could even follow him . He couldn 't believe he 'd been so stupid . He 'd done something to make him uncomfortable . His head was all over the place and he wasn 't sure what he wanted . He wondered if he wasn 't going through a midlife crisis . The ringing of his phone had him sitting back down in his seat . Spencer had left his coffee and his pastry sitting on the table . Aaron looked at his cell phone . It was Penny . " Of course . What 's wrong ? " Aaron had only talked to her a handful of times and they 'd only kissed the once but he could tell that something was wrong . " It 's something that we need to talk about in person . I don 't want to do it over the phone . Please , Aaron don 't push me . " Penny took a deep breath and exhaled . " Please say you 'll come over . " " I 'll see you then . " Penny hung up without saying goodbye . Aaron was worried that something was wrong . They 'd not even gone out on their first date . He looked at his watch . It was just after four . He 'd have to head home and get ready to be at her place by six . The ding of his phone told him that her address had been texted to him . He looked at it . She lived pretty close to him . Just a few blocks over in fact . Aaron went home and showered to get ready . It was hard to keep his thoughts away from what could be wrong . He had the day off from work and Jack was staying with Jessica so that he could go on the date with Penny . Jessica was actually pretty happy for him . She 'd been confused about Beth but he explained it all and she supported him calling Penny for the date . He wanted to feel upset about Spencer but he wasn 't . He 'd asked Penny on a date but they were not exclusive . Time ticked closer to six and Aaron started to get nervous . He ended up outside Penny 's apartment complex fifteen minutes early . He sat in his car for about five minutes before he decided he couldn 't sit there anymore . The doorman let him in and he moved right towards the elevator . He hoped she wouldn 't be upset that he was early . He knocked on her door and listened . The sound of the door unlocking was quicker than he thought . Penny opened the door and Aaron thought that she was beautiful . She wore light makeup and a very pretty blue dress . Her hair was in the ringlets again but her face . Her face was unreadable . Aaron was on edge . " Would you like to come in ? " Penny stepped back and Aaron stepped inside . He looked around the apartment and it was nothing like what he thought it would be . Oh , there were books everywhere but there was a good bit of memorabilia from various movies and TV shows around as well . " I know that you are probably worried but it 's nothing you 've done . Not really . I just didn 't think that the middle of the coffee shop was a place to discuss this . " " You don 't … please Aaron . Just let me talk , " Penny begged . Aaron stopped ; she was nervous . He could read it in every single line of her body . She moved to the kitchen area of the apartment and picked up a glass of water to take a sip . " You study human behavior . It 's what you do for a living . I just assumed that you recognized me . " Penny 's voice changed . It lost its softness and turned slightly deeper . She turned back to him . " I wasn 't born Penny . Penny is a nickname . " The voice ! Aaron placed it then . He looked at her , stepping closer . She didn 't shy away , didn 't flinch , even though she looked nervous . He reached up and gently grabbed the edges of her glasses and pulled them off . He could see it now . He couldn 't believe that he 'd missed it before . He slid the glasses back on and then ran his thumb down her throat . He could feel the adam 's apple on her throat as she swallowed . Penny was very trusting , his hand was right where he could seriously hurt her . " You are very beautiful as Penny . You came up to me because you thought I knew . How would I know ? " Aaron asked . She wasn 't looking at him but he wasn 't going to force that right at the moment . " Your card … It says Spencer doesn 't it ? " Aaron hadn 't even looked at it as she 'd called him and he 'd just programmed her number in his phone from that . Her card was tucked away in his go bag in the trunk of his car . " Spencer is rare as a girl 's name but it does pop up . My bosses were willing to give me cards that said Penny as well as Spencer but I declined . " Penny finally looked up at him . The nervousness was lessening in her eyes . He lowered her hand to let his thumb rub at the base of her neck . She shivered . " I was going to tell you before dinner . My plan was to get there before you and wait outside . Then you showed up at the shop and you looked so lost in thought . Then you … " Aaron knew what she was talking about . He 'd hit on Spencer . Tilting her face up using his thumb , Aaron kissed her . It wasn 't quick and it wasn 't chaste . He licked his way into her mouth when she gasped . Her hands gripped his jacket and she held on as he all but devoured her mouth . When he needed to breath he pulled back . She tasted better than he thought she would . He 'd tasted the coffee and figured that since she 'd bought a coffee place , she probably drank a lot of the stuff . Penny 's eyes were dazed . He smiled . " I have never been attracted to anyone as quickly as I was you . Then today I met Spencer and the attraction was there as well . I didn 't know what to do . " Aaron let his hand slid down her arm to her hip . " So genderfluid . Obviously I 've come across genderfluid people in an academic way but I 've never actually met one . I have no problems dating you , as male or female . " " You … you don 't ? " Penny asked , smiling at him . He could see Spencer in that smile . He could see now how he missed it . The hair and the glasses threw him off a great deal as well as the style of clothes . There was so much hope in her eyes . " I kissed you as Penny and would have probably kissed you as Spencer if you hadn 't had a mini freak out and ran . I can 't exactly get upset can I ? You are correct that in the middle of a crowded café was not the time or the place to get into a discussion like that . You look lovely tonight . I 've not said that yet . I will say though that I think I like that other skirt on you better . " Aaron let his fingers brush the swell of her butt . " It made your butt look really cute . " " I don 't want to hurt you , Penny . If I do something that makes you upset , please tell me . I can do all the research in the world and don 't worry I 'm going to but it all boils down to everyone is different . You have to tell me what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable . " " Okay . " Penny smiled at him like he 'd told her the best news in the world and that kind of broke his heart a little . He was probably the first person that wanted her as she was that she 'd ever met , as Penny or as Spencer without making them feel like a freak . He promised himself that he would do whatever she needed to make her feel happy . Aaron smiled as he entered the bullpen after a late lunch with Spencer . His boyfriend had met him at a restaurant not far from the academy . The team had heard Dave asking him about Penny after the case in Maryland two months before and so when he mentioned any dates around them , it was always with the name of Penny . His significant other wasn 't ready to meet the team and he wasn 't going to tell them about his genderfluidness before then . Dave was sitting his his office , waiting on him . The look on his face was not a good one . It was the look he wore when someone disappointed him . He wondered what had happened to make Dave upset . " This was something that I was going to discuss with the team at a later date when things were more settled . I met Penny first but Penny is just a nickname . Since you had brought her up in front of the team I kept using that name . Penny was born Spencer Reid and remains a male in body type . He 's genderfluid . I met Penny and then I met Spencer . Today , you saw Spencer . " " You know , I sat here for the past half an hour trying to figure out why you would cheat on Penny . I did not expect … I never thought you would be the one to surprise me like that . Genderfluid . When did she … tell you that ? " Dave 's eyebrows raised and Aaron started to tell him the whole story from meeting Penny up to the end of their first date . Dave smiled at that . " You really are a surprise on that . So when are we going to meet her ? " " I 'm one of the first people other than her mother to accept Spencer for the way he is . Male pronouns are fine . Spencer is not that picky . " " You said he is a genius . Sounds to me like he 'd be a good person to be on the team . I remember the case he helped us on . Minimal information and helped save the final victim before she was taken . " " Really ? And you want to what , talk him into joining again ? You know the team would have no issues with him or her but what about the LEOs ? " " I 've thought about it and I think I found a nice compromise . The only issue is our relationship . Spencer would rather stay away than not be with me . " " You know that I am all for bucking the fraternization policy and Aaron you can 't tell me that you would do anything different when it comes to him in the field than you would the rest of the team . There is a probation period . We discuss everything with the team and if at the end of the probation period , they feel that they can 't work with him , he 's off the team . " " First , I 've got to talk to Spencer . It 's going to be a while though . Linton 's rotation isn 't over for six months and requalification shouldn 't take long . " " Four PhDs and Spencer just finished a fifth BA . After leaving the FBI he went and got a PhD in Psychology focusing on human sexuality and gender . There isn 't a topic that I bring up that he doesn 't know something about . " " I 've not introduced them yet . Spencer is a little hesitant , something about children not liking him . We have a date at my place tonight , case willing , and I 'm going to kind of force the issue . Jack knows that there is someone in my life and I 've been kind of preparing him for the fact that some days Spencer looks different . Jessica knows the entire truth . She met him as Penny and they get along well . Jessica is going to fake an emergency and drop Jack off not long after Spencer gets there tonight . " " I 'm sure he 's going to but I hope to distract him long enough he doesn 't make a run for it . Jack will be helpful in keeping him there . He 's going through a question phase . " Dave laughed and they discussed the plans for the rest of the day with the team . Aaron made sure to leave the office with plenty of time to get ready . Spencer had known about Jack from their first date . He hadn 't kept that from him . It wasn 't hard to figure out that Spencer was worried about Jack 's reaction to him . His son was opened minded though and he thought that meeting Jack would go a long way in getting Spencer to agree to meet the team . He sent off a text that he was heading home and that Spencer could come over anytime that he wanted . They didn 't set any plans other than eating and watching a movie . " You cursed me . I really do have a work emergency . " Jessica kissed his cheek and then she was gone . Jack was still just focusing on his homework . " Jack , buddy . Do you think you could come here ? " Aaron sat down at the table and turned towards where Jack came running at him . He picked his son up and set him on the table so they could see eye to eye . " Do you remember how I told you I wasn 't dating Beth anymore . " " Yes , well Penny is coming over to eat with us tonight and she doesn 't know that you are going to be here . She 's not used to kids . " Aaron stopped and thought . He 'd seen Spencer at lunch but that didn 't always mean that Spencer was who was going to show up at their dates . " Now Penny is a little bit different than Beth . " " Spencer came over one night to give you something for that case you were working on a consult for . I heard him and then I saw you kiss him . Then you talked about the dress he wore the night before . I asked Jimmy 's mommy about it because she 's a head doctor and she told me that he was … it had something to do with water . " " THAT ! " Jack smiled wide and jumped in happiness . " You called him Spencer and then talked about him looking pretty in the dress and I put two and two together . Is that why Spencer is worried about meeting me ? I won 't make fun of him or her . I promise . I bet it 's fun . I don 't like dresses but girls do and some girls look very pretty in dresses and pants . I bet Spencer is pretty in a dress . " " Yes , Penny is very pretty in a dress . Do you want to see ? " Aaron pulled Jack into his lap and settled back in the chair , bringing up his phone . He 'd taken several pictures of Spencer and many of Penny on their dates . All of them were in a locked folder on his phone . He unlocked it and let Jack scroll through the pictures . " I don 't know . I told Spencer when we started dating that I never cared to know who I was going to be taking on a date . So it 's a surprise each time ! " " You 're funny , daddy . Can I go make Spencer a picture ? " Jack looked up at him with hope filled eyes and nodded . His son gave him a quick hug and then he was off like a rocket to his bedroom . Aaron smiled at the happiness and acceptance of his son . After the childhood he 'd had , he promised his children would never have to face fear at anything . Coming out as gay , trans , or anything . It was another reason that he 'd worked so hard to get into the BAU . A knock on his door shocked him out of his thinking . He knew the knock . Spencer was predictable and always knocked the same way . He stood up from the table and took a deep breath , hoping that Spencer wasn 't upset with Jack being there . He opened the door and smiled . Spencer was standing there with a shy smile on his face . His messenger bag was hanging from his shoulder while his hand held a bag . Aaron grabbed the bag from his hand as he stepped back to allow him into the apartment . " What 's in the bag ? " Aaron asked as he set it down on the table that he set his go bag down on when he brought it home before taking it to the bedroom . Spencer pulled his messenger bag off and hung it on the coat rack . Spencer didn 't answer he just looked at Aaron in shock and there was hesitance there . His eyes flicked to the bag and Aaron knew exactly what was in the bag . He let out a quick chuckle and grabbed the bag before Spencer could . " Jack , can you keep Spencer entertained while I put up his overnight bag ? " He used the word overnight on purpose and watched the blush creep onto Spencer 's face . He 'd gotten it right . When Aaron set the bag down on the bed , he took a moment to get his thoughts under control . He 'd invited Spencer to his apartment for a date , something he 'd never done before . Spencer had brought over an overnight bag . It was a not so subtle hint . Aaron was his first relationship of any meaning and while Spencer had never outright said a thing about it , he was pretty sure that the younger man was telling him without telling him that he was a virgin . He moved to his bedside drawer and checked the condoms and the lube . There was plenty of lube and the condoms were in date . Jack knew not to enter his bedroom when the door was shut without knocking . Jack had been young when he and Haley had split but he 'd never hid his sex life with Beth from him . Jack had never seen them having sex but he knew that adult things happened when two adults slept in a bed . " Dad ! " Jack 's feet were running towards him and only the happiness in his voice stopped Aaron from running to meet him . Aaron still shut his bedroom door as Jack rounded the corner . The boy was holding a quarter in his hand . " DAD ! Spencer 's a magician ! He pulled this from my ear ! " " That 's awesome . Although if he pulled that from your ear that means you aren 't washing it well enough when you take a bath . " Aaron laughed as Jack laughed . He picked up Jack as he stood up . " What do you want for dinner , buddy ? " Jack nodded and moved to his bedroom the second that Aaron set him down . He pulled the door shut which told Aaron that he didn 't want anyone to see what he was working on . He chuckled at the door before stepping up to Spencer and cupping his cheek . He wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him even closer , kissing him . It took a minute before Spencer started to kiss him back . " You were good with him , " Aaron said as he pulled back and rested his forehead against Spencer 's . " Jack 's easy , Spencer . You coming over two weeks ago woke him up . He heard us discussing the dress you 'd worn to dinner and in the way only a child can , put two and two together . His friend Jimmy 's mother is a psychologist and he asked her about it . I guess she explained it to him . He thinks you are very pretty as Penny . " " I showed him pictures of you I 've taken on my phone , as both Spencer and Penny . He accepts you as you are , Spencer . I told you that he would . I know my son and I know what I 've been raising him to be . " " Jack likes you . If when you wake up tomorrow , you want to be Penny , he 's not going to care . I saw the makeup bag in the end of the overnight bag . " Aaron stopped him with a kiss . It wasn 't anything like the one he 'd just given him . This kiss was meant to excite them both . He dropped his hands to grab Spencer 's hips and pull him close . Spencer gasped and Aaron took advantage of the open mouth and tangled their tongues . Spencer 's hand settled around his neck , pulling him close , making sure he couldn 't step back . He wasn 't going to ask if Spencer was sure . He 'd have never brought an overnight bag if he 'd been unsure . He was ready to make that step with him . " You are staying the night . Beth stayed over on occasion . Jack knows what to do and not to do . Don 't pull back , Spencer . Please . I 'm sorry about just dropping Jack on you but you 've managed to get out of every meeting I 've set up over the past month . Jack already adores you . " " Okay ? " Aaron asked . Spencer turned his face up with a smile on it . He kissed Aaron 's lips and nodded . " Good . Jack likes pancakes for breakfast so I hope that 's fine with you . " Spencer laughed and pulled him back into a kiss . Aaron let him dictate the kiss but didn 't let it get heavy . Dinner still had to be decided and a movie picked out . The evening flew by with Jack asking question after question about whatever popped into his head and seeing how more relaxed Spencer got with Jack over the course of the evening warmed his heart . He 'd been pretty sure he was in love with the shy man for a few weeks but seeing him with his son , just told Aaron that he was . He loved Penny as much as he loved Spencer . He could see them making a life together . He wanted to make a life with him . Jack was settled into bed and Aaron had left Spencer in the living room . The second that Aaron had stood up with a sleeping Jack in his arms , Spencer had gotten nervous . He wasn 't shocked so he gave him the time he needed to get himself under control . Instead of going back to the living room , Aaron sidetracked to his bedroom , the door left open . Spencer 's bag was settled in the bathroom attached to his bedroom and then he waited on the foot of the bed for Spencer to come to him . His jacket had been lost long ago and he 'd taken his tie off at dinner . Aaron didn 't have to wait long . Spencer hesitantly walked into the room after about five minutes . He shut the door and leaned on it . His eyes scanned the room . Aaron waited for his eyes to come back to him before he stood up and made his way across the room to him . He reached out and cupped his face , pulling him into a kiss . " Then it 's as simple as that . You make me happier than I have been in a very long time , Spencer . There is just me and you in this relationship . We do what we want , not what we think others will understand . What do you want ? " Aaron kissed across his jaw and down his neck . Spencer pulled his body closer to him with his shirt . " Your wish is my command . " Aaron started to work on Spencer 's buttons on his shirt . He felt hands at his pants and smiled into the kiss he placed on Spencer 's neck . He went with the pace that the younger man set . He knew that sometimes it was better to get scary things over with . He trusted Aaron but baring oneself to another person when one never had could be frightening . As they slowly stripped each other , Aaron walked backwards to the bed . Spencer was panting and hard as rock when Aaron pushed him onto the bed . His eyes were half lidded and Aaron couldn 't wait to slide inside of him . The younger man pushed himself up the bed a little so that Aaron could lay down on top of him . His hands reached and pulled until Aaron was draped the way he wanted . Aaron had done research and was fairly certain he knew the best way to make this a wonderful experience for him . Body excited and anticipating , Aaron knew that he wouldn 't last long once he got inside of him . He grabbed the lube and the condom from the drawer at the bedside . Spencer took the condom from him and laid it back in the drawer and shut it . Aaron surged up and kissed him , hard . While he did that he popped open the lid on the lube and covered three of his fingers . He started to kiss down Spencer 's neck again , not stopping at his collar bone and instead he kept going down . He sucked a hickey into the juncture of hip and thigh as he rubbed a finger against the younger man 's entrance . Spencer stilled but said nothing as Aaron pressed his finger inside . He could feel the muscles tighten to keep him out and then nearly all at once relax again . " There you go . " Aaron rubbed his free hand against Spencer 's side as he panted through what Aaron knew to be a weird feeling . Pulling out a little , Aaron thrust his digit back inside a few times before he pulled it nearly all the way out and then shoved it back in . " Okay . " Aaron pulled his finger free and gently pushed back in with two fingers . He waited for Spencer 's eyes to close when he brushed against his prostate before he licked at the underside of the cock in front of him . Eyes snapped open and his head shot up to look at Aaron as he took him in his mouth . Thankfully , Spencer wasn 't expecting a perfect blow job . Aaron had never given one but he knew enough about what he liked so he hoped that it would at least be enjoyable for his lover . Lover . A new term to add to the growing list that they shared between them . Aaron pulled back as he knew what Spencer was trying to say . Keeping the head in his mouth , he waited , gripping the base of Spencer 's cock with his lubed hand and stroking Spencer through orgasm . He swallowed down the younger man 's release and when he was sure that he was done , he let the softening cock pop from his mouth . He crawled back up the sweaty body and wiped his fingers on the bed before he claimed Spencer 's panting mouth in a kiss . He thrust his hard and aching cock against Spencer 's crotch and felt his body shake . " Are you ready for me ? " Aaron asked . He grabbed the lube but Spencer took it from him and poured some out before closing the cap and dropping it off the side of the bed . He pulled Aaron down into a kiss as he spread the lube on his cock . He groaned into the kiss and dropped his head down to lay on Spencer 's shoulder . He had to grab the genius 's hand to stop him from getting him off too soon . " Sorry . I 'm a lot closer to coming than I would like to be and that is not helping . " " You aren 't going to be a virgin for much longer . " Aaron settled back between his legs and aligned himself with Spencer 's hole . He pushed in the head of his cock slowly , watching Spencer 's face the entire time . He watched for pain but there was none so he pushed in a little farther . He kept up the slow pace until he was fully inside of him . Leaning over , he kissed Spencer 's chest and rubbed at his hip with the hand he wasn 't braced on . He kept his eyes on Spencer 's face and knew when the pressure of their joining became something he was used to . He stayed still just a little longer than he knew that Spencer needed because if he didn 't he was going to come before he got his lover off again . " Aaron . " Spencer pushed back on that thrust and Aaron shifted his grip from rubbing to holding onto Spencer 's hip , helping them meet thrust for thrust . He kissed , bit , and licked every inch of skin that he could get his mouth on as he thrust inside of Spencer again and again . His lover pulled him closer and closer until he was bent nearly in half and they could kiss . The hitch in breathing told Aaron that Spencer was close . He pulled back so that he could take Spencer in hand to get him off . It was only a few pumps and Spencer was clenching around him and his released splattered his own belly . The tightening around his own cock was too much and Aaron followed after him . He carefully pulled out , checking for blood and finding none . He knew that he was careful but that didn 't always mean anything . " Don 't say things like that , Spencer , " Aaron said as he pulled Spencer to him , not caring about the stickiness on his own stomach from where Spencer pulled him down to kiss him . Aaron spooned around his lover , knowing that they 'd need to get up and clean up . Spencer had his contacts to take out . " When you say things like that it makes my chest tighten . " " I mean it though . I never thought I 'd find someone that I trusted enough with all of me . Who 'd love Penny as much as they love Spencer . You really don 't care if I see you throughout the day as Spencer but then that night I show up to the date and I 'm Penny . You smile and kiss me and tell me I 'm pretty . But if I show up as Spencer you tell me I 'm handsome . I know it 's really soon and I know it 's crazy but … " Spencer inhaled and rolled in Aaron 's arms . So they were face to face . " I love you . " Aaron 's heart swelled and he kissed Spencer . He wanted to scream in joy but didn 't need Jack to come running to see what was wrong . When he needed to breath , Aaron rested his forehead on Spencer 's . " I love you , too . I knew it watching you and Jack . He 'd never taken to someone so quick and despite you talking about how you are horrible with kids . You were perfect with Jack . " Aaron checked on Jack after throwing on his boxers . His son was still dead asleep . He stood there watching him for a few minutes before he moved to the bedroom to change out the bed clothes . He threw the dirty ones into the corner and then put new ones on just as the shower stopped . Spencer came out dressed in a pair of sleep pants and a t - shirt . Aaron smiled at him and knew he 'd have to work on getting the younger man to sleep in less . When he came out of the bathroom in boxers , Aaron found Spencer asleep , curled up in the bed . Turning back to shut off the bathroom light , Aaron saw something purple hanging out of Spencer 's bag . He moved over to shove it inside and when he touched silk , he stopped . Pulling out the garment , Aaron inhaled . It was a baby doll nightgown . There was no cup area for breasts so it had to have been made for Spencer . Grabbing a hanger from behind the bathroom door , he hung the nightie on it and hung it on the far wall . There was no way that Spencer would miss seeing it and Aaron wanted to see him in it , as soon as possible . Aaron moved to the bedroom and laid down , curling around Spencer and holding him close . The younger man stirred and when Aaron hushed him , he settled down quick . Aaron kissed his bare neck and then settled down himself . He needed sleep and the warm body in bed with him was pulling him down to sleep quickly . Aaron was standing at the grill , waiting for Spencer or Penny , he wasn 't sure . Jack was playing with Henry and talking about the magic tricks that Spencer taught him . Personality wise there was little difference between Spencer and Penny but Spencer tended to do the magic tricks as he was able to hide things in his pants to surprise Jack with . There was also that camera roll rockets were messy and Penny 's skirts and dresses were harder to clean . " Who is that ? " Morgan called out and Aaron turned to see Spencer . The younger man was stopped about twenty feet away from where the BAU team was scattered around three picnics tables , talking and laughing . Enjoying a nice summer day off . Linton hadn 't fit in with the team and no one forced him to come to get togethers . Especially when his time with the team was so limited . Aaron just stood there , waiting . He was going to give Spencer the option . He 'd surprised him with this as he thought it was just Aaron and Jack , not the entire BAU team with extended family . JJ had brought Will and Henry of course . Blake 's husband , James was there and even Morgan had brought his new girlfriend , Savannah . Aaron looked at Morgan again and saw Savannah . She was looking at Spencer with a little bit of shock on her face . She patted Morgan 's arm and then stood up and moved towards Spencer . Spencer started and then smiled when he saw the face of the woman walking towards him . Aaron 's gut clenched though . Savannah was a Doctor at Bethesda General . For Spencer to know her , it probably wasn 't good . " Agent Morgan , it 's wonderful to meet you . " Spencer 's eyes flicked around the group as Savannah pulled him closer . The noise of the adults drew Jack 's attention finally and Aaron watched as the boy debated running up to him or not . He watched emotions pass over Spencer 's face he smiled and crouched , letting go of Savannah 's arm . Jack smiled and took off at a run to him . Aaron nearly swallowed his own tongue on that , he coughed to cover it up but the whole team heard and looked . He set down the grill tongs and closed the lid . The food wasn 't ready yet . " I 'd like you all to meet my boyfriend , Spencer . Spencer , this is my team . " Aaron gave names for those that hadn 't introduced themselves . Savannah stayed right there with a worried look on her face . She was looking between him and Spencer . " I did . But I thought that I might save that for a date night . It 's a little fancy for a cookout at the park . Jack , why don 't you go and play with Henry . " Spencer set him down and Jack took off . " It 's okay , Savannah . You don 't have to hover . Aaron knows everything . " " Yes . I go by Penny when I feel like a woman . Since Rossi had brought me up to the team as Penny , Aaron kept calling me that . " " I 'm sure you can guess , Detective . Savannah treated me in the ER about six months ago . A man took offense to the fact that he hit on me and I had a penis under my dress when I 'd not even said two words to him . He groped me and I gave him a black eye . " Spencer shuddered and Aaron pulled him closer . " It took twenty five stitches to take care of the man while all Spencer had was a really bruised hand and a split lip . The first doctor to treat him refused . That 's when I stepped in . I was just coming off a near twenty four hour rotation but I couldn 't leave him . While I waited for the results of his X - Rays we talked . I met Penny that night and Spencer a week later when he brought me pastries and coffee . " " The pastries are wonderful , " Aaron agreed . Spencer turned and tucked his head against Aaron 's neck . He could feel the heat and knew that he was blushing . Aaron turned to wrap both arms around him . " Spencer owns the shop . " Spencer chuckled and turned around , not leaving the shelter of Aaron 's arms . " I do . I was given the opportunity to buy my favorite coffee shop instead of it closing and I did . " " I had PhDs in Mathematics , Engineering , and Chemistry before I was twenty one . I hold BAs in Psychology , Sociology , Philosophy , Astrophysics , and Physics . I finished off my PhD for Human Sexuality before my twenty fifth birthday . " " I went through the academy and the Director of the FBI had me earmarked for the BAU . I just … I couldn 't face going to work every single day as Spencer and never as Penny . I tried it at the academy and I didn 't like it . " " Reid , there isn 't a one of us that gives a crap if you wear a skirt . We also don 't care who you sleep with , as long as it 's legal . " Morgan smiled as he spoke and Aaron couldn 't help but chuckle . It was as if all the tension in Spencer 's body left at once . He relaxed back into Aaron 's arms and settled down . " We had a case a few months back . UnSub was leaving clues but the book the clues were out of was old and Hotch had to go to it to get the information we needed . Reid read the damned thing once and was able to give us the clue . Each clue was giving us the abduction date of the next victim . We had no clue on time . That he got with just the abduction times of the previous victims . The UnSub was going through the digits of Pi . He cracked the case with quotes and abduction times . We were able to save the victim before he got away with her and caught him with no loss of life . " Morgan glanced at Spencer who Aaron could tell was blushing . " His degrees are right up the alley . Look at what he did with his sciency ones . In our cases time is everything . Anything that makes us able to do our jobs quicker . Hotch , that case with the guy who killed himself to hide his pregnant partner . " " The guy journaled all of his things . Another agent at the time , Prentiss and I read through the journals . We found nothing . Hotch took a turn and found something we 'd missed . It was one slip up in hundreds of pages . Everything was singular except that single entry . But at that point it was days later and when we finally found the partner she and her baby were dead . The victim was chained up and couldn 't get food for the baby . She sat in room with the dead UnSub and watched as a baby died . We could have gone through the books quicker with Reid there . Hotch says you can read very quickly . " " Twenty thousand words per minute . I also have an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187 . " Spencer leaned back even more on Aaron , giving him comfort . " Daddy , I 'm hungry ! " Jack called out and Henry chimed in seconds later . All of the adults started to laugh . Aaron turned back to check on the food and caught Morgan 's eye . The younger agent was serious . He wanted him on the team . All the cards were on the table and it seemed that the team didn 't mind him trying to get Spencer into the BAU . He just had to talk the younger man into it . That was going to be the hard part . Aaron was worried . Just after Jack had passed out on the couch , Spencer had offered to take him to his bedroom and Aaron had agreed . He 'd ended up playing football at the park . Morgan , JJ , Henry , and Jack were on one team while Aaron was on the team with James and Will . Spencer sat on the sidelines with Garcia and Blake and talked . Dave was the referee . His lover hadn 't come back . Jack had been asleep and it shouldn 't have taken half an hour to get him back to sleep even if he woke up . Aaron decided he needed to check on his wayward lover . He locked up the apartment as he did . As he neared the bedroom he smelled vanilla and cinnamon . Pushing open the mostly closed bedroom door , he found the room mostly dark . There were electronic candles all over the bed area of the room , lighting up the bed . Spencer though was nowhere to be seen . He did notice the oil reeds on the side of the dresser in the far corner . " Go lay down , Aaron . I 'll be out in a moment . " Spencer 's voice sounded normal but Aaron wasn 't too sure about what was going on in there . " Naked . " Aaron 's mouth went dry with that . Spencer liked sex , yes . Aaron liked sex with Spencer but this was the first time that the younger man had started anything . Aaron quickly stripped out of his clothes and hung up what needed hung , the rest went into the hamper . He stopped then and looked around the room . He 'd not noticed that there were so many of Spencer 's things in the room . A stack of books on the taller dresser . The nightstand on Spencer 's side was filled with things that were not Aaron 's . The most telling was on the small desk in the corner . Spencer wrote to his mother every day and there was his notepad and pen , the stack of already addressed envelopes . This wasn 't Aaron 's bedroom anymore . It was Aaron and Spencer 's . It was their bedroom and it made him happy as he laid down on his side on the bed , facing the bathroom . Five minutes later , the bathroom door opened and Aaron looked up but the light was out . He couldn 't see his lover . When Spencer stepped out of the bathroom , Aaron 's jaw dropped . Penny was standing there in the nightie . It had stayed hung up since that first night . Neither of them mentioned it . Aaron sat up , moving to sit on the edge of the bed . Penny had done up her hair in the tight ringlets that Aaron loved . " Hi , " Penny said , shyly . She had a hold of the bottom of the nightie with one hand , pulling it down . The other hand touched her glasses . Aaron smiled and twirled a finger . A blush started on Penny 's face but she did what he asked . The silky cloth just covered the downward swell of her ass cheeks . He couldn 't stay there . With her back to him , Aaron stopped just close enough that she had to feel his heat and then he ran a hand down her back . She shivered . He reached underneath the gown and found that not only had Penny done her hair but the slickness told him she was ready for him . " You look stunning , " Aaron said as he took a hold of one of Penny 's shoulders and spun her around . He started to kiss her as his hands traveled down her back to cup her ass and lift her up . She wrapped her legs around his waist and Aaron started to walked them backwards to the bed . The sight of her in the nightie was too much . He needed to be inside of her as soon as possible . He sat them down on the edge of the bed before he started to kiss down her neck . That 's when he smelled the honeysuckle . The smell of her and the feel of the silk on his skin had Aaron more than ready for her . Penny though shoved at him until he laid down , her legs slipping from around him . She smiled as she shifted a little and then was rubbing along his cock . She knew exactly what she was doing to him . " Penny … fuck . " Aaron arched up into her body as she thrust against him . He trailed a hand underneath the nightie , skirting her sex and going for a nipple . It was already hard and he rolled it between his fingers as her movements stuttered . This was the first time that he was having sex with Penny . She shifted again and then his cock was rubbing at her center . She moaned and ground down onto him hard . " Do you want to fuck my cunt Aaron ? " Penny asked , her voice just a breathy whisper . Aaron groaned and shot up , gripping her hips and kissing her again . She shifted to her knees . Reaching back , she lubed him up with something then guided him to her entrance and Aaron moaned as he slid inside of her heat . She was so hot around him . So hot and so tight . The kissing lasted for several minutes as she slid up and down his hard length before she pushed him back down and started to ride him harder . Aaron 's hands stayed at her hips , rubbing at sensitive skin . The feel of skin under his palms and silk that brushed his skin was heady and Aaron wanted to remember this for the rest of his life . He let her dictate what she wanted . If she wanted him to thrust , she 'd have to ask . Penny 's ringlets were bouncing with every movement and it made her all the more beautiful . The only sounds were slapping flesh , breathy moans , and pants . Several minutes later , Aaron could hear the hitch in her breathing that meant that she was close . He pushed himself up again so that he could kiss her through her orgasm . His hand brushed her sex and she clenched around him . Aaron was happy he was kissing her as she screamed her orgasm , the sound was caught in his mouth and it didn 't wake Jack . A few more thrusts and Aaron was following her . As he released inside of her , she melted down onto him . She was entirely limp and Aaron smiled as he held her close . " I love you , Penny . " Aaron tipped her head back to kiss her and she lazily kissed him back . He was tired as well . Today had been stressful and tiring . Aaron smiled as he lifted up at Penny , sliding out of her . A subtle push and she was standing up and smiling even harder at him . He drew her into the bathroom and helped her clean up . The nightie was all dirty so she stripped it off but that 's when Aaron noticed that the original one was still on the hanger . Penny slipped it on as she brushed past him out to the bedroom after she cleaned up some . Aaron quickly washed himself up in the sink and rushed to the bed . Penny was on her side of the bed . She was facing him with a blissed out look on her face . Aaron got under the covers and she tucked herself up against him . Aaron smiled as he watched Penny enter the bullpen . She was dressed in a skirt and very nice blouse and instead of her normal flats she wore a pair of converse on her feet , today 's color was red . One of the only things that carried over from Spencer . Today was the first day of her probation period on the team . Cruz had been hesitant at first but after meeting Penny he 'd agreed to a two month probation on the team . The team had helped him and Penny move into a large house that had been split into two apartments . It had been perfect for them . One side was very much Aaron 's and the other was Penny 's but no one but the team needed to know that Penny 's bedroom rarely got used for sleeping . Sex yes . It was fun to slip away during the day and have sex where Jack couldn 't hear but could still get to them if he needed them . The secondary bedroom on Penny 's side was set up as her office / library . The two living rooms were used pretty much equally . Aaron 's was set up like a normal living room while Penny 's had bean bags and some kind of large nest thing that was comfortable as hell and a wicker chair that was soft and was where Penny usually was when she was home alone . Aaron had come home to her sleeping in the chair with a book on her chest many a time . Spencer preferred the couch when he was reading and he 'd come back to find him dead asleep there many times as well . Vinton was happy to be free of the unit . He had thought he would do well with the crimes but his mounting stress with the cases proved again that not everyone was cut out for the BAU . The training that Penny had gone through had shown a grasp of the subject matter that few ever had . Cruz had been a little worried at her ability to look at every single case with a scientific eye . Her emotional responses were there on her face but when she spoke of cases and wrote them up , it was very science minded . He 'd remarked that if he hadn 't seen the team out to eat with Spencer after his quick refresher at the academy , he 'd have thought he was a robot . There was also the fact that Penny had been given three cold cases to prove to her that not all cases could be solved . The bad thing was that she 'd solved two of them . That had been a kick to the pants for the unit . One had been a case of Dave 's from long before it had become a team effort . The other had been a case from when Aaron himself had been lead profiler . The third case had the desired effect , Penny had worked through figuring out a case couldn 't be solved before entering the unit . She called the case a Kobayashi Maru scenario . The team was adjusting well to how varied Spencer and Penny were . A few people at the academy , men and women alike , had tried to hassle Spencer as word had gotten out that he was Genderfluid . He 'd stayed Spencer through the refresher just to make it easy with bunking and restrooms and such but on his off time he became Penny a great deal . " Hotchner . " Aaron listened as the case was laid out . They had four kids taken from a mall in Augusta . All at the same time an hour before . Two boys and two girls ages four , five , eight , and nine . " We are wheels up in twenty minutes . I have eyes on my entire team . " " We have four children abductions in Augusta , Maine . Garcia the CARD team will be forwarding you all the information they have as we fly . Send it to our tablets . Reid , we 'll print you our papers on sight . We need to get to the jet now . " Aaron turned to his office to grab his things and call to have the jet prepped . He grabbed his go bag as well as Penny 's . She 's dropped it off days ago along with the one for Spencer . He hadn 't had as much trouble separating the two in his mind . He was sure that a shrink would love to get their hands on his mind . He had no trouble changing gears quickly on who greeted him when he woke up . It worked for them . He could also tell that Penny was blossoming with their relationship . She was coming out of her shell more and more . Psychologically , Aaron knew that Spencer and Penny were the same person . There was no difference in how much he loved him or her . Each was a different side of the same coin . There was a lot between them that was the same . He never treated Penny like she was fragile . She was a woman yes but she wasn 't weak . There was no way that Penny or Spencer could ever be weak and Aaron thought that was why he loved them so much . Aaron had his favorite things about each one though . For Penny is was the honeysuckle perfume she wore . He didn 't know what it was about it but it smelled so wonderful on him . The way it clung to their pillows , even when Spencer was asleep next to him , gave him comfort . For Spencer , his favorite thing was his laugh . When Aaron or Jack could get him to laugh . The first few times that the younger man had laughed so completely that he 'd nearly fallen over , Aaron figured out that he hadn 't laughed much growing up and it was his goal to make him laugh for the rest of their lives . The team was waiting at the elevator and Aaron was a little shocked to see a strap of something over Penny 's back . She turned to him and smiled as he handed over her bag and he saw that it was a messenger bag . It wasn 't the one that Spencer used . This was roughly the same size but it was some kind of canvas fabric in a light blue color . It was very nice looking . " Do you like it , Hotch ? " Penny asked . She smiled at JJ and Blake . " The girls got it as a present for me . To welcome me to the team . " " And Rossi won 't tell me how much is on there , " Penny pouted as she stepped into the elevator . Aaron laughed and pressed the button for the ground floor . The rest of the team chuckled as well . This was going to be the last happiness they had until the kids were found , for good or for ill . He wasn 't going to put a stop to it until after the jet had taken off . For the first time in a long while , the team felt like a family . 00Q Reverse Big Bang ! Art and Stories for all things 00Q , since 2014Criminal Minds BangThe home of the Criminal Minds Bang and Reverse Bang ! Site TitleRough Trade # GFYWrote Hard and Put Up Wet . charliesdragonRamblings of a mad woman . . . Ladyholder . comWhere imagination runs free and fun is had by allCooking in the ArchivesUpdating Early Modern Recipes ( 1600 - 1800 ) in a Modern KitchenSkylar JayeGay Romance and Erotica AuthorPROMPTUARIUMthe writers store roomboffin1710All the nills in the binary code , and the subtle curve of a complicated function graphic . In the errors of a simple C + + program . A format glitch in an HTML . A blank dot that refuses to be triangulated , and in the drops of Earl Grey that spill from the cup in an uneven pattern on a stack of papers . Ink In My VeinsI 've got ink in my veins and books in my heartAshe 's BarBelle MeriPickingupellenSaydria WolfeDarkJediQueen 's LairWorks In ProgessThandi 's ThoughtsI don 't post often , but when I do , it will probably be fanfiction . The Wondrous World of RogueMy writing and other nonsensical stuffSusspencerSuspence filled writingThe Scribbling DeskAnthea DavisFanFiction Authorpenumbria 's ficThis is the site for fic by penumbriaJilly JamesFan works by Jilly Jamestheblackrose16Where all my fanfics flourishDesolate 's MemoirsNae 's Writing CornermyredturtleOnly _ 1 _ TruthHappy endings guaranteedChestnut NOLAIt 's All About The RomanceAngelicInsanityHome of my love for all things DiNozzo ! ( And , occasionally others . ) Rough Trade # GFYWrote Hard and Put Up Wet . 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May 11 , 2017May 9 , 2017Jane 's ArchiveLeave a comment When the door closed behind her I still didn 't move . I felt afraid to touch anything at all , and even breathing didn 't feel appropriate in this room . Every time I blinked I was afraid that the room would disappear before my eyes , and I would be back in the orphanage . Was this really real ? My eyes started to get teary of not blinking . Slowly , I took a step forward . I reached out my hand and softly brushed it against the smooth fabric of the couch . If I felt it , it should mean that it was there . That it was real , right ? I took a deep breath and sat down . It was real . I sat there for a few minutes , breathing in and out as deep as I could . What had just happened ? I tried to piece it all together . " So they were expecting me , " I thought to myself . " That could mean they were already informed about the missing children from the orphanage . And how , in God 's name , did they know about Lilly and Julia ? They never said how they knew … Maybe they just saw us , when we went into the shed ? And why on earth did they take me in ? They didn 't have to . I can 't pay or give them anything in return . I know Emma said some stuff about being a school for girls , but still … This kind of house … With rich people … " " Okay , " I said to myself , " okay let 's say this is all real and they are really just nice people . Then what ? How long could we stay here ? If they are really that nice , it wouldn 't hurt to stay a night . Then tomorrow , if it 's dry of course , we could maybe ask them for some food for the road . Would they give it to us ? Maybe it was better not to ask . Okay , no , different approach . When it 's dry , we will wait ' till nightfall and plunder the kitchen for as much food as we can . Maybe we should take some valuables with us , you know for when we really need money . We wouldn 't take much but just the necessary . It 's not like they 're barely scraping by or anything … " I scanned the room for small valuables which I could possibly take with me . A small silver candle holder on the top of the fireplace caught my attention . I walked up to it , picked it up and examined it . " I should take this anyway , " I thought to myself . " So maybe this was all just a scam , and they were alerting the cops right now . I should take this right away . Get as much as I can without being seen , take the girls and get out of here . The risk was to great . It would have been amazing if this was all good natured , but the risk of going back was to big . " I sighed . I knew that when we would be forced to go back , the Witch would take much joy out of torturing us before she 'd sent us off to jail . " No , it 's to dangerous to stay . I have to get out of here . Immediately . " I gripped the silver candle holder tightly and started to search the room for something I could carry it in . In a drawer next to the bed I found some clean sheets which I figured I could use to make a bag out of . I knotted the ends together and put the silver candle holder in the sheet - back . I didn 't expect anyone to be listening at the door but every movement I made , I tried to make as quiet as possible . I found there other silver candle holders , a small copper school for the fireplace , a loose silver knob in an empty drawer , and some silver brushes in the bathroom . I also decided to take the soap from the bathroom and to wrap every single item I found in a towel , sheet or cloth to make sure they wouldn 't make to much sound when I would carry them all in my bag . I filled up my bad with the stolen , wrapped items and decided to throw a few other towels on top , so it would look like I was just carrying a bag of clean towels . I didn 't wanted to attract any attention when we would reach the city . I almost screamed it out when I heard a sudden , soft knock on the door . I had spent so much time searching the room and making the bag that I had totally forgotten about the time . ' Miss ? ' It wasn 't Emma 's voice . I luckily threw the bag under the bed , took place on the couch and tried to look as normal and innocent as possible . ' Miss , can I come in ? ' the voice asked . ' Yes , ' I answered and I felt my heart pound in my chest . The door opened slowly and another new girl stood in the hallway . She had dark skin and a lot of dark curly hair that seemed to be standing in every direction . I had never seen a girl like that before . ' Miss ? ' the girl said after a few seconds . I suddenly realized that I had been staring , that with my mouth a little opened , and i quickly closed it . ' Are you allright Miss ? ' she asked hesitantly . I nodded ' Yes , sorry , yes , ' I stood up , with my eyes still on her face . Her eyes were almond shaped and her skin looked soft . She seemed to be of Julia 's age , but she also could 've been so much older and so much younger at the same time . She wore the same clothes as Emma had , but somehow it seemed to fit this girl better , and made it look prettier on her . ' If you please would follow me to the dining room Miss ? the girl said and she waved her hand graciously into the direction of the hallway . I nodded and quickly followed her out of the room . On our way to the dining room she didn 't say anything . Sometimes she 'd wave her hand to indicate where we where going . Now and then I looked at her out of the corner of my eye . She really had something enchanting about her , and I couldn 't imagine myself not feeling safe , loved and happy in her company . The feeling of distrust had left my mind and body completely and I even forgot about the knapsack with valuables waiting for me back in the room under the bed . The walk seemed way shorter than when I was brought to my room , even though I knew the distance we had walked was way further . The girl opened the door for me and led me into a beautiful dining room with large windows and hardwood furniture with a table that was already set . She pulled back one of the chairs ' If you please Miss ? ' She nodded to the chair . I sat down and looked around . There was no one else here yet , but that didn 't bother me . " Your friends will be here in just a moment . Would you like something to drink while you wait ? ' the girl asked . I noticed that my throat felt dry and asked for a glass of water . Just when she had filled my glass with a crystal water can , another door opened on my right hand side . The sound seemed to wake me from a nice dream , and I heard Emma before I saw her . ' . . room has already been set so when the food is brought in you can eat , ' Emma appeared through the open door followed by a happily smiling Julia who seemed to be dragging Lilly forward as she walked on . Lilly seemed not at all happy . I instantly knew that she was afraid of the same thing as me . ' AVA ! ' Julia cried out and ran over to me . Before I knew it she hugged me so tightly that I could barely breath . ' I thought … And you . . Don 't ever . . Okay ? ' I could barely make out the words Julia cried . I looked over her shoulder to see Lilly still standing next to a content looking Emma . ' Aren 't we lucky ? ' Julia said when she let go of me . ' Yes , ' I stammered . ' See ! ' she said over her shoulder to Lilly . ' I knew you would think that too , But Lilly said … Anyway , you know Lilly , she 's always so negative and … But anyway … ' Julia babbled . I looked at Lilly . Her jaw was sharp and she looked me intensely in the eye . I stared back for a second and knew I made my message clear when she took a step in my direction . As Julia and Lilly came to sit with me at the table the beautiful dark skinned girl bowed and walked out of the room . ' Ida will bring you your food in a moment . Would you like something to drink ? ' Emma asked the girls . I had been watching Ida leave the room and quickly turned my head back to the company . Emma was already filling up Julia 's glass , whose bright smile seemed to cover her entire face . Lilly however was still looking at the door behind me in which Ida just disappeared . Apparently she had been as striken with Ida 's appearance as I was . Lilly finally stopped gazing when Emma tried to get her attention by impatiently but softly clinking the water can to her glass . ' What ? Oh , yes please . ' Lilly stammered . With some difficulty I tried to manage to refrain myself from laughing or smiling . There was no time for laughing or getting distracted . This was serious . Our lives and futures could be in danger right now . While Emma filled Lilly 's glass carefully , I tried to find Lilly 's leg with mine under the table . Because the table was so big and we sat so far apart from each other , I only managed to softly stroke my toes against hers . She looked at me . I looked back at her , then at Emma , frowned , then at the clock on the wall , and then at the door . We used to send each other these kinds of messages while we were still in the orphanage , and apparently we got quite good at because almost unnoticeable Lilly nodded . May 4 , 2017Jane 's ArchiveLeave a comment The ground was very slippery and I had to be careful not to fall . The wet pebble ground didn 't make it any easier . I ran as fast as I could round the side of the house toward the front . When I finally got to the front door it felt like the rain had soaked me till the bone . Shivering from the cold rain I stood before the front door . I hesitated . Images of all the possible ways this could end flashed before my eyes . I closed my eyes , took a step forward and pounded with my fist upon the door . An hour or maybe a second later the door opened slowly . A girl with black crafty pinned up hair and a servants dress smiled at me . ' We 've been expecting you , ' the girl said still smiling . ' Come in , come in . You must be cold . ' She took a step back to let me in . Full of confusion I stepped inside . The girl quickly closed the door behind me . The hall which I had just entered was nothing like I had ever seen before . The walls were double the height of normal ones and were decorated with beautiful paintings . Two beautiful marble staircases twisted their ways upwards to a balcony on the second floor . ' If you please miss , ' the girl said and motioned that she wanted me to follow her . I followed her into a new room . It had a beautiful fire place and I could barely contain myself from jumping in front of it to warm myself . The girl turned to me again . She smiled . ' If you could please wait here . I 'll be back in a moment . ' she said . I nodded . I looked at her as she left the room . As soon as she closed the door behind her I ran toward the fireplace . I put my hands out in front of me and kept them as close to the fire as I could bare . The warmth slowly seemed to embrace me . As soon as my hands and arms started to feel ( alive ) again I turned around to warm my back . I pulled up my knees and put my arms around them . They had been expecting me . Why had they been expecting me ? Had word gone out that we had gone missing ? That we had escaped ? Had news travelled that fast ? But then again , we did stay in that shed for some days . Maybe they had sent out riders . Would they really do that for a few stupid orphan girls ? Maybe they would . How else could they have been expecting me ? What would they do to me ? Sent me back ? Let me stay until they would come to get me ? And then ? My thoughts were interrupted when the door opened again . The girl was back and she brought someone with her . I quickly got up . She had brought an older woman with her . Her face showed many signs of aging , but I could still see that she had been quite pretty back in the day . The lady took a step forward . ' Good morning miss , ' she said with a warm and welcoming voice . No one had ever called me miss before . ' My name is Madame Norris . Welcome to House Howard . You are welcome to stay here for as long as you need . Would you like a towel ? ' she grabbed a towel from the stack the girl was carrying and reached out to me . ' Errr … Thanks . ' I said . I took the towel from her and started dapping my hair with it . ' Could we get you anything else ? ' I hesitated . She was so polite . Was it all just a trick ? Suddenly I felt my stomach twist . ' Er , might I er , maybe something to eat and drink ? I asked . Madame Norris smiled at me . ' Of course , ' she said . ' Sadly , you 've missed breakfast , but we 'll see what we can do for you . ' She bowed to me . ' I don 't need much , just some leftovers will be fine . ' I said quickly . Madame Norris smiled again and left the room . ' Would you like another towel ? ' the girl asked . ' I 'm fine , thank you , ' I answered hesitantly . The girl looked over her shoulder to see if the door behind Madame Norris was really shut . She smiled . ' So , where are your friends ? ' she asked anxiously . ' Friends ? ' I asked . The warm fuzzy feeling that had just been wrapped around my body , left instantly . ' I don 't … ' i stammered . ' Or are they you 're sisters ? ' the girl went on . ' I … ' I didn 't know how to react . How did she know ? Where they in danger ? Could I trust these people ? Apparently my thoughts could be read from my face because the girl said , ' Don 't worry , you 're safe here . You can tell us . ' I bit my lip . ' You know what , I 'll introduce myself first , I think I 've forgotten about that before . So sorry about that . My name is … ' But before she could finish her sentence the door behind her opened again and Madame Norris entered the room with a platter filled with deliciously looking snacks and drinks . ' Here you go , ' she said while she put the platter on the table in front of the fireplace . ' We will let you enjoy your meal in peace . When you are finished , just ring that bell over there and we will come to pick it up , ' Madame Norris said and she pointed at a little golden bell that was put on the platter . I nodded at her . Madame Norris smiled and made a little bow , the girl did the same , and they left the room again . The food was delicious . The taste was something I had never experienced before . Half of the time I didn 't even know what it was that I was eating , but I really couldn 't care less . The food we used to get at the orphanage was always old and cold and undercooked . Most of the time the Witch had made way to little , causing most of us to almost feel hungrier afterwards . I ate as much as I could , and then rang the bell softly . Not but a second later Madame Norris and the girl entered the room again . ' Did you enjoy your meal ? ' Madame asked . ' Yes , very much so , thank you , ' I answered . The girl took the platter from the table and carried it out of the room . ' Is there anything else we can do for you ? ' I hesitated . Even though they had been so very kind to me I still wasn 't quite sure if I could trust them . ' If you 'd like , you could stay the night here , ' she encouraged . ' It 's free , and you can stay for as long as you need to , ' Madame smiled at me . I looked out of the window . It was still raining . Out there it would be hard to survive . We 'd had gone through almost all our food and we had to be careful not to get sick . Staying here and waiting for the rain to go away while strengthening ourselves was probably our best chance . Unless the police came knocking of course . But would they really ? And if so , would these nice people really rat us out ? I sighed . ' Yes , ' I decided , ' yes , I think I would like to stay here for a few nights , if that is okay , ' I felt my head gone red . Madame Norris smiled . The door opened again and the girl had returned . This time she wasn 't carrying anything . ' Emma , would you please show our new guest to her room . Guest room one would be fine . After that I would like you to go fetch Ida and Hannah and tell them to get the other two girls from the shed . The poor children must be so cold . Give them the same welcome as our first guest and they can be put in guest room two and three . If there are any problems you can find me in the kitchen , ' I was shocked . How did everyone already know about Lilly and Julia ? Maybe it was all just a trick ? ' Good day miss … ? ' Madame Norris asked . I hadn 't introduced myself yet , but before I could think of another name to give them I heard my one voice speak ' Ava , ' . Madame s smiled again . ' Good day miss Ava , and enjoy your stay here at House Howard , ' . She bowed and walked out of the door . The girl stayed behind . The girl , who 's name apparently was Emma , smiled at me . ' If you 'd follow me , please . ' Emma said . I nodded and followed her through the door where I came from . The girl led me back to the magnificent hall where we came through before . ' Welcome to House Howard . The House was build by Sir Frederic Howard I himself in 1553 , though he did not finish it ' till 1560 . The House had been in the family ever since . The rooms are decorated only the best and unique furniture in style and age . House Howard counts many rooms , with 25 bedrooms of which are 7 guest rooms and . . ' I felt myself started to drift off and found my mind with Lilly and Julia . Would Julia already be up ? Were they still waiting for me to come back , to come and fetch them ? Or had they already gone ? Emma led me up the stairs to the first floor and blabbed on about the House and it 's layout and history . When we got to the second floor I vaguely heard Emma say , ‘… and so that 's when House Howard became a home for poor girls without education or prospects . Now it gives a home and a future for girls from all around the country . Though but few girls are accepted and most girls are chosen by Lady Howard herself . Atlas , that is how I got chosen . ' Emma straightened her back and looked at me proudly . ' Er , sorry , chosen for what exactly ? ' I asked hesitantly . ' Chosen to get educated of course ! Have you been listening at all ? ' Emma said and she frowned . ' You can get educated in three different arts : Artisan , Courtesan or Lady of the house . Each has it own course but some subjects are shared , especially in the first few years . As an artisan you learn how to be pretty , how to seduce and entertain . You are a companion to your Lord or Lady . As a courtesan you learn how to be smart and advise on certain matters . You are your Lords or Ladies right hand in matters of business and partnership . As a lady of the house you learn how to run a house and be head of staff . You are more than just your Lords or Ladies cleaning lady , you are also their most trusted and valued member of the house . ' Emma said proudly . ' And you learn to be all that here ? ' I asked her . ' Yes , well like I said . You get all kinds of subjects which cover the lot but after a few years you can specialize on what you want . ' Emma explained . ' And it 's all free ? ' ' It is , but there are only about 2 girl accepted every year and they are mostly chosen by Lady Howard herself . Some parents apply for their girls to be let in but most of the times they 're just picked of the street in a manner of speaking . Though some girls are literally picked of the street . Nina for instance . Ida was taken in when her mother came knocking here for work . She had been freed out of slavery but could 't find any new work . Of course they couldn 't offer her work , but they could take Ida and educate her for a better future . Victoria and Carina have been picked at some sort of grand ball . Isabelle is the daughter of the Lord from the next estate . Rose is a faraway cousin I believe and Hannah … To be honest I don 't know where Hannah came from . She might have told me or I 've never asked . I can 't recall . Emma frowned . ' So there are about what 7 … ' I said . ' Eight with me included . ' Emma finished my sentence . A moment of silence fell . I felt Emma look at me so I decided to take this moment to look around me a bit . Even though this was the first floor , everything looked just as beautiful as the ground floor . It was not as spacious at the ground floor , but still . The hallway in which we stood was quite narrow . With a balcony on our right where we could see into the hall of the ground floor . The hallway in which we stood stretched out way further than I had expected . I could see a few doors on the side , but couldn 't quite make up the signs that were hung upon them . ' This is the first floor , ' Emma said . This is where our guests stay . You are free to go around as you please but we ask you not to go up to the second or third floor . ' What 's there ? ' I asked her curiously . ' The second floor is the space where the Howard family stays . That is private . The third floor is the floor of the staff and the students . Which is also private . ' answered Emma . I nodded . ' I will now show you to your room . ' she said , and I heard she had put her tour guide voice back up again . She led me to the end of the hallway to the door on the far right . Guest room 1 was engraved in golden letters into a wooden board hung on the door . ' Here you are , ' Emma said and she opened the door for me . I stepped inside and held my breath . The most beautiful room I had ever seen looked back at me in all it 's beauty . A double bed with curtains and soft pillows spread across . A small couch and fireplace to sit by , with a stunning wooden engraved table . Another door at the other side of the room also had a small plate hanging up on it . Bathroom it said . ' I hope everything is in order . If you ever need something you can pull the cord by the bed over there . Please don 't light or put out the fireplace yourself . As you can see you also have your own bathroom you can use to clean yourself up . You can lock your door from the inside , but the staff also has a key if needed . Lunch will be served at 12 , so you 'll be picked up again by then . If there is nothing else I can do for you I have to be on my way to alert some of the other staff members so we can welcome your friends . ' Emma said and she smiled . Still overwhelmed by everything that was going on , i smiled back at her , feeling a little out of place . Emma bowed lightly and left the room . April 28 , 2017Jane 's ArchiveLeave a comment The next morning I woke up to the sound of heavy rain falling down on the roof of the shed . I opened my eyes . The others where still sleeping . I got up , bumped my head softly and looked out of the rainy window . It seemed to be coming down badly . ' Is it raining ? ' Lilly asked me and she yawned . I nodded . She got up and came to stand next to me to look out the window . She growled . ' Not good . ' she said and she rubbed her eyes again . ' I 'm not going out in that . ' Lilly said and pressed her index finger against the glass . ' It really is a gift . ' Lilly said while we both stood there and watched Julia fall asleep again almost immediately . I nodded . We both sat down again as well . I opened my bag and got out some food to eat . Lilly joined me . We sat together and watched Julia sleep while we slowly ate . I tried to chew as much as possible on the little food I had until all the taste had gone and it was nothing more than mush . When we were done eating I softly poked Julia to wake her . She wasn 't all to happy about it but when I offered her some food she accepted and became quiet soon enough . We spend the day playing some games we used to play at the orphanage to keep ourselves entertained when we were bored . Several times I got up to look out of the old window just to see that it was raining just as hard as before . When the sun started to go down it was still raining outside . ' Try to look at it from the bright side , ' Julia said , ' no one will go out in this weather so no one will find us here , and we 'll have fresh water at the end of the day . ' she pointed at the bucket . After dinner I decided it was time to say something sensible . ' I know , but what if it will rain the entire week ? What then ? We only have enough food for maybe two more days ? ' I said looking into our bags . ' I have been thinking . ' I said . ' And now before you say anything , you 'll let me talk through the whole story , okay ? ' They both nodded . ' I have been thinking , ' I repeated , ' what if Julia is right ? ' They both looked at me with a frown . ' What if there are nice people in there ? Maybe they will give us shelter instead of sending us back . And maybe they won 't . Either way , we don 't know what the forecast will be and maybe it will rain for another week , we just don 't know . But we certainly can 't stay here . So I suggest , I will go to the house and see what I 'll find . ' Lilly opened her mouth but before she could say something I continued . ' I 've given it quite some thought and have figured there are several outcomes . The best will be that they will be nice and let me stay . I will tell them about you and they will agree to let you stay as well and I will come to get you . The worst will be that they will lock me up ' till someone from the orphanage comes to get me . But if that is to happen , it 'll be only me and you guys will be safe and know not to go to the house . You will also have more food left to eat . The other outcome is that they will just send me away and I will just come back here again like nothing happened , but then at least we would 've tried . ' No , ' Julia insisted . ' No you 're not going to that house . I was foolish to think that there are nice people there . You where right about what you said , and now you all of a sudden want to go there ? No ! Just no , ' Julia 's face was angry but scared . ' Julia , look at the food we have left . I don 't like it either but I think she might be right . We have barely enough food left for another day and we have to think of something , ' Lilly agreed . ' So we have three options ? ' Julia had gotten up and she clenched both her fists . ' We either starve in here , the three of us . We go out there tomorrow and we all get sick and die . Or one of us leaves and goes to the house with no idea of how that will end for us ! Have you guys ever thought there might be another option ? Like it might not rain anymore tomorrow ? ! ' Julia was shaking . I slowly got up . I knew what this was all about . Julia 's eyes glistened with tears . She didn 't know what exactly to say except for the fact that she didn 't wanted me to leave . I stroked her beautiful blonde hair for a moment . ' Let 's make a deal then okay ? If it doesn 't rain tomorrow , or if it 's raining even just a little less hard than today , I swear I won 't go . But if it is just as bad or worse , I will . I will do anything to keep you guys safe . ' I looked at Lilly , who was still seated on the ground . She nodded shortly . I turned and focused myself on Julia again . Julia bit her lip and pressed her eyes closed causing several tears to run down her face . I knew she was thinking of every other possible option for us three to survive and stay together , but apparently she found nothing because eventually she opened her eyes and hung her head with a soft nod . ' Now then , let 's all get some sleep and hope tomorrow brings a better day for us . ' I said . We all lay ourselves down on the damp , hard floor . I turned my back to the girls . I didn 't want to see Julia cry anymore . It would be for the best . I couldn 't let them die or get sent back as well . They wouldn 't survive the wrath of the Witch if we were to be sent back to her . They deserved a free life . Lilly was smart and cunning , she would take care of Julia for me . They would make it together in the big city . The next morning I woke up early . I kept my eyes closed for a while because I did not wanted to see what fate would have me do today . But my ears had already spoiled the surprise for me . I opened my eyes and got up to look out the window where I found a sight that my ears already had revealed to me . It was still raining , and as impossible as it may have seemed the day before , it had gotten even worse . I sat down again . Lilly and Julia still lay curled up on the ground together . I had a short inner argument on whether I wanted to wake them up . I decided to only wake up Lilly . ' What ? ' she said . ' Is it still raining ? ' I nodded . Lilly sighed and closed her eyes for a second . ' Okay ' she said . She wanted to get up but I pushed her down again . ' Yes I know . But it 's just too hard . Please make sure she knows that I love her . ' I said . My voice sounded raspy . Lilly nodded . ' If I 'm not back by tomorrow morning you should leave . Don 't hesitate for a second okay ? I will be fine . Head for the nearest city and don 't hide near any houses until you get there . They might inform the other people that live there . ' I told her . Lilly nodded again . I looked at Julia one last time . ' Don 't worry , I ' l take good care of her . ' Lilly ensured me . I nodded . We looked at each other for a few seconds and in my mind I hugged her strongly . I took a deep breath and got up . I knew my backpack was still in the corner of the shed but I turned around to the door . I didn 't need it anymore anyways . I opened the door and slit through quietly , knowing that Lilly 's eyes where still following me . I closed it again and felt the rain rush down on me . I took another look at the house . It was huge and looked a bit scary from here in the rain . April 20 , 2017Jane 's ArchiveLeave a comment The following morning we woke up early . We quickly ate and drank some from the small amount we 'd brought with us . Then we journeyed on again . We didn 't spoke much with each other , still worrying in the back of our minds that the Witch or some one else would get to us . But the path in the woods remained empty . The sun was at it 's highest point when we finally reached the end of the woods and found ourselves at a crossroads . ' There are some signs here . ' Lilly pointed out . There were indeed four signs . One pointed to the road we had come from . " Dromville , 15 km " it said . One pointing to the left had " Tomelle 10 km " on it , and the one on the right stated " Balouse 15 km " . ' No , lets go straight on . That road , according to the sign , leads to Perdice and Grotille . I 've heard they are big cities with lots of opportunities . ' I insisted . ' Well , then we just have to make sure we don 't eat it all in one go . And if that 's not enough , then let 's just hope we meet a nice stranger on our way . Shall we ? ' I started walking . I heard a deep sigh and a snort . I knew they were angry , but this was our best shot . After a few seconds I heard some footsteps and I knew they had decided to follow me . The next few days where hard . We couldn 't travel fast because of our empty stomaches and sore feet . We still didn 't talk much but I noticed that Lilly was energy was improving while Julia seemed to be more down with every step . ' Do you think it was wrong to ask her with us ? ' I whispered to Lilly who was walking next to me . Julia sang softly while she dragged herself along behind us . ' Oh , let it go . It was her choice to make and she said yes . She knew what our path would be and she knew it would be hard . She 's just tired and a little homesick at the moment . You know what she is like . ' said Lilly . I looked over my shoulder at Julia . Her light blonde curls where messy and looked dirty . Her golden eyes where directed at the ground but didn 't really seem the notice what they where seeing . I did know what Julia was like . She was kind , worrisome , soft and gentle . I remembered when she dismantled a rattrap because she said she felt it was cruel to murder animals like that . When the Witch found out she had punished her by shaving off all of Julia 's hair . Julia had cried for days . Her hair was now just past her shoulders . Sweet Julia . Julia had always been like a little sister to me . I was seven when she was brought in . She was only three . I remembered her crying for her father for days . Everybody resented her . At least she had a father , most of them had nothing or had never known them . Her crying broke my heart and I couldn 't help but love her and take care of her . It was said that her father would one day return for her , when he could take care of her . But after a year a letter came notifying that he had died . His inheritance went to the orphanage and the Witch spend it all before Julia was even informed about it . The Witch . That Witch . My body filled itself with anger . I hated that woman . Well , hated was still to soft of an expression . The Witch was the owner of the orphanage . Her actual name was Miss Wirtch but because of her horrible character she was soon named the Witch among the orphans . That horrible woman . Oh the things I would 've liked to do to her … ' There ! in the distance ! Don 't you see it ? Look ! ' She jumped up and down of excitement . I followed her finger and squinted my eyes together to see what it was she was pointing at . Far away in the distance arose what seemed to be a large mansion . ' So ? ' Lilly asked . ' So ? ? ? What do you mean ; so ? Don 't you know what this could mean ? ' Julia almost shouted . She was wild with excitement but Lilly and I still didn 't know what it was she was so exited about . So what a large mansion on the side of the road . What could it mean to us . ' Oh come one , ' Julia said inpatiently , ' don 't you guys see ? We could go there , ask if we can stay there . We 'll get warm soft beds and new dresses , good food and clean water . It will be amazing ! ' Julia was still jumping around as if she had seen the future . I suddenly started laughing . I couldn 't help myself . Julia looked at me angrily . ' I 'm sorry Julia , but are you dehydrated or something ? Didn 't we give you enough to drink ? ' I said , still laughing . ' You can 't seriously think that they 'll let us in do you ? There are rich people who live in there . Probably some high ranked family or something who wants nothing to do with silly dirty orphans like us . We are nothing to them , they don 't care about us . Rich people don 't care about any ones but themselves . ' I shook my head . ' No , we 're not going there . ' I looked at Julia . Tears of anger and frustration had welled up in her eyes . ' Why do you always have to be so negative ? ! You 're always like that ! We 've been walking for four days now and we haven 't come across anyone at all . Luck has been on our side all this time , and it will with that mansion ! ' Julia snapped at me . She seemed furious but sad at the same time . I had rarely seen her like this before . I looked at Lilly hoping for back up . ' Well , ' she started carefully , ' I have to agree that we 've been lucky until now . But I doubt they will take us in Jule . ' Lilly bit her lip . ' So you 're taking her side now ? ! ' Julia ranted on . Her hands where clenched to fists and her hole body was shaking . Lilly pressed her lips tightly together for a second and then said ' Heh , you 're serious ? And what will we say ? Oh , hi there , we are just three orphans who have run away from home and we 're hoping to find one here ? You really think they would go with that ? We could be thieves for all they know . Or worse , they could send us back ! Is that what you want ? ' I said angrily . Julia 's hands relaxed again but she was still shaking . She shook her head and a tear ran down her face . ' Look , ' I said quietly while I took her hand , ' I know you really want it to be that way . And I wish it could be that way too . But the world just doesn 't work like that . People are mean and selfish . We have to stick together and take care of each other . We have to be safe . ' Julia bowed her head and nodded softly while the tears still streamed down her face . Silently we started walking again . Julia had let go of my hand but taken Lilly 's . I felt bad that I reacted the way I did to her . But I had to be rational . We had to be careful . We might have been four days away from that awful hell hole , but that didn 't mean we were safe now . As the mansion came closer and became bigger , curiosity started to fill my brains . Who lived there ? What would the house look like on the inside ? Would they have maids ? Are they nice people ? Oh get yourself together . We are not going there . And that 's the end of it . The sun was going down and filled the sky with an orange - red colour . I coughed . ' Er , shall we , shall we walk around it ? On the back side I mean . Maybe we can sleep in a shed or something , if they have one . ' I suggested carefully . Julia looked at me hopefully and Lilly smiled a bit . I frowned . ' Just for the night though . We need a place to sleep anyway . ' I mumbled and turned my back to them . We walked along the outlines of the garden . It was enclosed by high trees and perfectly shaped bushes . Here and there I got a glimpse of the display of the garden . Colorful flowers , gravel pathways , beautiful fountains and even a pond which seemed to be large enough to swim around in . It all looked stunning . I sighed . When we were almost at the corner I spotted something that looked fairly much like a wooden structure . I stopped . Julia , who 's mind was apparently elsewhere occupied , almost bumped into me . We made our way through the bushes into the garden . The sun had almost reached its lowest point . I kept checking if there was no one around who might see us but there seemed to be no one there . ' Let me . ' said Lilly . She searched through her bag and pulled out something small . She bend herself over the doorknob which prevented me from seeing what she was doing . A minute of silence , clicks and cracks and Lilly softly swearing passed . I started to get nervous . We entered the shed . As Lilly already had said it was small , with lots of stuff packed in it , but big enough for us three to sit in . Lilly closed the door behind us and we looked around . It was mostly gardening stuff . Shovels , hoes , trimmers and brooms in all kinds of shapes and sizes where stalled all around us . In a corner sat a big sackcloth . ' We can 't start a fire in here . ' Julia said . ' Does anyone have candles ? ' I shook my head but then realized that it was probably to dark for her to see so I told her I didn 't . I coughed . ' Shall we … Shall we sit down ? ' I asked . I heard some movement from where I knew Lilly was standing so she must have gone to sit down . I followed her example and noticed that Julia did the same . We were all awfully quiet still . I was tired but too afraid to go to sleep yet . Apparently Julia felt the same because she whispered ' So , what do we do if we arrive at Grotille ? ' I bit my lip . I had been so consumed by the plan of getting out of that house and getting away from the Witch that I never actually thought about it . I had no plan . ' Easy , ' Lilly suddenly said . ' We hide as soon as we arrive until nightfall . Then , when it 's night , we will go out and get rid of these horrible uniforms and nick some new clothes somewhere else . It 's gonna be tricky though , because big cities have often more people wandering around at night . The next morning we will go to some shop and sell our stuff from the orphanage and … ' I snorted . ' Which stuff ? We barely have anything with us . ' I didn 't think our pyamas and old junk would be worth anything to them . Lilly searched through her bag and held up something high above her head so the moonlight through the tiny window could light it . It looked a lot like the small silver platter the Witch often used when she had visitors . Julia gasped . ' Yup , and I have a lot more of these in here . ' She rattled her bag softly . ' But how ? ' I could only ask . ' Simple , ' Lilly responded , ' remember when I took so long to get out and Julia mentioned she heard some noise ? That was me gathering all the fancy expensive stuff the Witch had in her possession . It was 't easy but … ' ' I 'm so happy you are here with us ! You are so smart ! ' Julia said thankfully . ' Now tell us more about your plan . ' she said and let go of Lilly . ' Well we could use the money to get a coach to Perdice , but I 'd rather not . I 'd rather save it for when we really need it . I think it would be best if we would stay for a few days in Grotille . Find ourselves some place cheap , preferable free of course , to sleep . Get some food and drinks and rest until we feel better . Then gather some food and water for the journey to Perdice . In Perdice we will all try and find some sort of work were we can make some money and then , who knows . We 'll see how it goes from there I guess . ' We talked for another few hours of the plan and what we hoped to find in Perdice . My fear had faded and was replaced by enthusiasm . We could be anything ! We could make our own money , and live together ! Nobody would command us anymore . Nobody telling us what to do or who to be . Total freedom . After a while we all went to sleep . With a smile still on my face , I was quickly gone . April 13 , 2017April 13 , 2017Jane 's ArchiveLeave a comment I lay in bed . It was finally completely dark in the dormitory and I listened carefully to the rhythm of the breath of the other girl . It seemed that everyone had finally gone to sleep . I got up as quiet as I could and quickly started changing into my clothes . I swiftly grabbed my bag from underneath the bed and stuffed my nightgown in it . A girl mumbled in her sleep . I walked towards the window and looked outside . Nothing to see . Nobody was there . Yet . I opened the window as quiet as I could and secured the bag around my shoulder for safety . Without a sound I climbed out of the window and let myself down along the drainpipe . ' Finally , I thought you would never come . Are you sure about this though ? ' I asked her quietly . She nodded and bit her lip . I snorted . ' Alright then . Have you heard anything from Lilly ? ' I asked . She shook her head , frowned and answered : ' Yes , actually , I did . I heard some sounds coming from downstairs . Not to loud though . It might have been her . But it might have been the Witch . ' She looked at me in fear . I smiled . ' Don 't worry , ' I reassured her , ' maybe she 's just … ' But before I could finish my sentence a third window opened and a another girl came jumping out . ' My goodness Lilly , what took you so long ? ' I asked her angrily . ' Never mind that , lets just go . ' She answered . ' Lil , I heard quite some noise from downstairs , are you alright ? ' the other girl asked carefully . ' My god Julia , can we just go already ? I know I made noise , that 's why I want to leave . NOW ! ' ordered Lilly . Julia gave one scared look at the building and then followed us . We ran through the streets as fast as we could . Our bags clutching around our shoulders . Around every corner we checked to see if no one was walking the street before we crossed it . After what seemed to be hours we finally reached the outskirts of the city . Julia started to slow down a bit . ' I know you 're tired , but we 're not out yet . We 'll rest when we reach the woods . ' I whispered to her . She looked at me annoyed but she knew I was right . When the last homes started to fade in darkness behind us and the grass beneath our feet became longer , we finally started to slow down a bit . We kept on walking . Nobody said anything . Now and then I looked around to make sure no one was following us . My feet started to hurt and I was tired . I knew the others were too but I didn 't dare to stop . Not yet at least . ' Don 't worry , we 'll only go in a bit . I think it might be best to climb a tree and rest in there for a bit . ' replied Lilly . Julia moaned . ' It 's safer up in there , trust me . ' Lilly added . ' Thank god you always think of everything , ' laughed Lilly . When we were all tightly secured , I could finally close my eyes . I was so tired . But with a bit of luck , our escape would be successful . As soon as we would wake up , we would journey on . We would follow the path , not on it though , but next to it , so people walking it wouldn 't see us . And when we would 've reached the end of the woods , we would really finally be free . Free from that Witch . Free from that hell hole . Free from that miserable life . Finally free . And with that last thought in mind , I relaxed my mind and felt myself falling asleep .
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little yellow house with white fences and a gorgeous flower garden . I had worked in the same job for the same company for the last ten years and could see myself there for another ten . I had retirement funds set up that looked like they would last through retirement . So , what happens at forty - five when you 've made it ? When you are no longer struggling to create a life for yourself and your family ? You get bored , same . Every Saturday was gardening and cooking . Every Sunday my children would call me . There was nothing new or exciting . My husband never brought me flowers just because . He never surprised me with new plans for the evening - never said , " Hey , let 's go out for pizza and beer like we 're college students . " There was nothing . It my eye . Perhaps the surprise was that the young intern was a young woman . She was the same age as my son . She could have been his girlfriend . It started the day she brought me flowers . " Is it boss 's day ? " I asked , worried that I forgot to get my boss something . " No , " said Sheila . " I just thought that you could use some color on your desk . " She looked a bit shy . " I didn 't overstep , did I ? " " No , no , of course not , " I said , dumbfounded . " They 're beautiful , and , uh . . it 's really nice of you . " Sheila stood by my desk for a few moments of awkward silence before saying , " I 'm glad you like them . I . . . uh , I 'll just get back to work now . " As she started to walk away , I said , " Hey , Sheila ? " She turned around and I said , " Do you have plans for lunch today ? " " No , " she said , " not yet . " " Join me ? " I asked . " Sure , " she said . I could swear I saw a blush across her face before she turned again to leave . I sat back and stared at the flowers . Pink roses , pink carnations , a few ferns and some baby 's breath in a pretty glass vase . I considered taking with Sheila was full of ' getting to know you ' questions and conversations . There was laughing and giggling at stories and intense stares as we both tried to memorize what we were told . I couldn 't believe how wonderful Sheila was . She was extremely talented , smart , and had expected my husband to be miffed when I called to tell him I would be home late . Instead , he sounded almost happy . I told him I 'd make him dinner when I got home but he said , " Don 't worry about it - there are some leftovers in the fridge . Go have some fun , make a new friend . " Sheila and I wound up at a happy hour . We had half - priced cheese sticks and nachos while guzzling drinks - her cosmos , me manhattans . The happy hour crowd started to filter out of the place after a few hours . Gone were the guys in the suits and in came the girls in the short skirts , dragging boyfriends with backwards baseball caps with them . " This place has a great DJ at night , " Sheila said , as the music started up . The music had a good beat that was very danceable . " Hey , was so nice to be dancing . My husband had never been into dancing . I hadn 't pushed the issue since I didn 't much care for how loud music was played at dancing venues anyhow . That night , though , the volume was a good thing . I didn 't have to talk , only look at Sheila . The drinks had lowered our inhibitions enough that our eyes openly showed how we were feeling . Sheila step towards me on the dance floor , and I step toward her . She wrapped her arms around my neck and I wrapped mine around her waist . We intertwined our legs and danced in grinding motions against each others hips . Looking over Sheila 's shoulder , I noticed a group of men pointing at us with smiles on their faces . When they saw me looking , they made crude motions at me . I sighed , close enough to Sheila for her to feel my me . Right there on the dance floor , we kissed . I put my forehead against hers and closed my eyes . This was the first person I had kissed that wasn 't my husband in the last twenty - five years . And she was the first girl I 'd ever kissed . I pulled away after a bit of guilt and reflection ran through my head . " I 'm . . . I 'm sorry , " Sheila stammered loud enough for me to hear over the music . " I think I need to call a cab , " I said . " Do you need a cab home , too ? " She nodded and then followed me as I left the dance floor . We shared a cab and headed to her place first . She kept apologizing during the cab ride while my gut wrenched over that stupid kiss . " It 's okay , " I said finally . " I . . . I wanted it , too . " " You 're very beautiful , " she said . I didn 't shy away from her touch when she ran a finger down my arm . The sensation sent a tingle through my arm that continued across my chest . I breathed very deeply , trying to steel myself against the excitement . I turned to her and put a hand on her neck , under her hair . I loved the feel of her long , soft curls over my knuckles . I moved in to kiss her again but stopped just short of it and placed my forehead against hers again . " God , " I said . " What am I doing ? " " We 're almost at my house , " she whispered , her warm breath reaching my lips . " Why don 't you come in ? We can . . . if you want , we can just talk about . . . " I knew if I went in with her , my life would change . My marriage would be ruined . My retirement funds split . My children would , well , I didn 't think they would forgive me . But this was so exciting . She was so young and energetic . She was excited about life in a way I was when I was her age . I wanted to drink in that old feeling . I wanted her to remind me what it was like to not know what was coming next . When I paid the driver and stepped out of the cab , I thought about Sheila and my life . Would I regret forever that I hadn 't gone inside with her ? My husband was asleep on the couch with an open beer on the floor , a dirty dish on the coffee table , and the TV still on . All of the lights were on and his clothes were littered on the floor . I sighed and wondered what Sheila 's living room looked like . that , evil doer ! " shouted Sally as she kicked the air in front of her . Someday , she was gonna get super powers , she just knew it . And she would be a hero , not a villain - and no one would make fun of her anymore . Because everyone knew people who got super powers also got prettier - it was , like , in the rules or something . " Sally , get in here , " her mother called . Sally Her stupid belly had been showing again . Ugh , when would it go away ? She plopped herself down at the dining room table . Her mom had already put out the Super Crunch Cookie cereal , milk , bowl and spoon . " Look at you , " her mother said . " You are a mess . " She looked over her daughter 's hair . " Is that grass in your hair ? God , what am I gonna do with you ? We have to be to church in twenty minutes . It isn 't enough time to get you into the shower . " Sally grabbed the cereal box . " I can stay home , mom . I have more practice today , anyhow . " As " You know only two boxes of that cereal are going to have the Super Hero Serum . And frankly , you 're not gonna get it . There are too many pimply , fat , nerds buying cases of that cereal . " And then , it happened . Sally couldn 't believe her eyes . A small blue plastic vial dropped into her cereal . She screamed and jumped up out of her chair , knocking it over and banging into the dining table . " Ha ! What happiest she had been in her entire life . Sally was surprised to find her mom rushing towards her , hands outstretched . Her mother yanked at the potion , trying to get it away from her . " Mooom ! " shouted Sally as she tugged back . " You can 't take that ! " her mother shouted . Sally managed to yank it free . " Like hell I can 't ! " She ran out of the room with the vial of potion in her hands , making the floor shake with her steps . " But we could be rich ! " her mother yelled after her . Sally locked herself into the bathroom . Her mom pounded on the door . " Sally , no ! Don 't ! We could be millionaires . Hell , billionaires ! You can buy whatever you want ! " " I 'll everything . " She uncorked the bottle and chugged it down . It burned on the way down and she could actually feel it hit her stomach . She wanted to barf but forced herself not to . Why would anyone barf up the Super Hero Serum ? ! Sally stared at herself in the mirror , sucking in her cheeks and stomach . " Come on , come on , " she said . Her mother was still banging on the door when the first hair showed up on her chin . In a matter of seconds , her face was covered in fur and the rest of her body was growing a dark brown fur . It pushed at her clothes , snapping buttons and tearing seams . teeth started to grow out and her nose shrunk back into a black little thing . It hurt , it hurt so bad . She curled up on the floor , crying . Her mother had stopped pounding on the door . " Honey , what 's going on ? " her mother said quietly at the door . Sally forced herself up onto her feet and opened the bathroom door . Her mother screamed . " I 'm a fucking squirrel , " Sally said . Her mother did not respond with her usual quip of " language ! " to Sally 's swear . Instead , she said " Fuck " in response . " Now , what ? How do I fight crime as a squirrel ? How do I go to school as a squirrel ? " Sally was crying . She wasn 't the glamourous superhero she wanted to be . She was supposed to get blond and superskinny and get a skin - tight black costume with a red sash . She was supposed to be able to clicked her giant teeth together . " I could totally do better than Brittany Spears ! " She wiggeld her bottom , shaking her tail and started to sing : Don 't you know that you 're toxic . " Sally smiled and bounced around the house . She may not look like anyone that a guy would want to date , but now , at least , she looked like someone who was going to have enough money to get any date she wanted . That 'd show stupid Billy . She wouldn 't buy him a car . . . well , maybe she would - she 'd had a crush on Billy since the third grade . Here come the big times for Squirrel Girl ! thought to herself . She pushed her fingers to the back of her throat and managed a gag . Tears ran down her eyes from it . She didn 't have the ability to keep going . She couldn 't make the chocolate come back up . She stood and looked at herself in the mirror . Her weight was starting to show . The leotard she wore while instructing the step class at her gym was stretching too tight . She wasn 't going to be able to get any new clients at this rate and she was worried she 'd lose her current clients . No one wanted to take weight loss advice from a fat woman . She had just lost all control . She couldn 't stop eating - and worse , she couldn 't stop eating crap . McDonald 's , candy , salty snacks . She had tried to replace it with carrots but she couldn 't stand the taste . " Maybe you 're pregnant , " her mother had said to her . She told her that Bob left two months ago . She would know by now if she were pregnant . After was negative . There was no excuse for herself . She cried herself to sleep at night the last month . She had already lost the love of her life , now she was going to lose her career . Maybe if Bob had just stayed , maybe she 'd be able to stop eating . She called him . She had to try . " What do you want , Rosalie ? " he asked , impatience in his voice . " Bob , I need you back , " she said . " I am a mess . I . . . I can 't stop eating . I 'm gaining so much weight - I 'm gonna lose all my clients . " " You really should have thought about that when you cheated on me , " he said . There was no kindness in his voice . " I know , I know . I wish I could take it back . I really do . I need you . I always needed you . I love you . " " You for a better degree , but , nooo , your vanity wouldn 't let you . " " I . . . I . . . " " Save it , " he said . " You need to stop calling me . Go call that douchebag - or does he not want you now that you 're fat ? " " I 'm not fat ! " she shouted . " I 'm not doing this anymore , " Bob said . " Goodbye , Rosalie . " He hung up on her . Rosalie ran to the bathroom again . This time her stomach would empty for her without her help . She was so distraught her stomach was flipping . I wish I was pregnant , she thought . At least there 'd be an excuse - and Bob , he 'd . . . he 'd come back . " Mayor Firth , a package came for you , " Connie said . " Who 's it from ? " asked the Mayor . " There is no return address , " she said , turning the parcel over , reexamining it . Jon Firth gave her an incredulous look . " Don 't worry , it 's been checked over for anthrax and stuff , " Connie said . He stood up and took the package from her . " Thanks , Connie , " he said , dismissively . Jon odd , gold - painted clay medallion . The medallion had strange symbols all over it and was hung by a black cord . He lifted it out of the box and held it in his hands . It was lightweight . Connie knocked on his door and entered again . He slipped the medallion into his pocket . " Mayor Firth , Mr . Krebs is here for your 3 o ' clock , " she said . " Send him in , " Jon said . He stood as Craig Krebs entered . Jon moved around his desk to shake his hand . " Thanks for taking the time to see me , " said Craig . Jon sat back at his seat with Craig across from him . Craig Krebs was the owner of the big local paper . He was also a major contributor to the Mayor 's campaign both before the election and for the upcoming re - election as well . Ostensibly , Craig had come to the Mayor 's office to discuss ' the business climate in Fair Valley . ' Jon knew , however , that he was coming to tell the Mayor which new policies he wanted in exchange for his contributions . These meetings were always boring but necessary - his campaign contributors needed to believe he was taking their side . He would throw them a bone every now and again , just enough to keep them paying but not enough to make the relationship obvious to the populace . Jon worried the medallion in his pocket while trying his best to stay alert and pay attention . These meetings always made him sleepy . " I hope no one finds out , " he heard Craig say . This made Jon alert . Had he missed something ? " No one finds out what ? " he asked . " What ? " asked Craig . " I was just saying the taxes we pay for our employees is high . Were you paying attention ? " " I . . . I was . I guess I just misheard you . Continue , please , " he said . Craig and fiddled with the medallion . Then he heard Craig again , this time saying , " Fuck , does he know ? " Jon looked at Craig . Craig was still talking . " We need to compete with the internet . . . " This job must be getting to me . I need more sleep . " We payed her good money to keep quiet , " Jon heard . He had been looking directly at Craig . Those were not the words Craig was saying . He was still whining about how hard the newspaper industry has it . " We 'll keep all of that in mind in the next budget cycle , " Jon interrupted Craig . " Thanks , thanks , " said Craig . He looked a tad miffed at being interrupted . Jon wrapped his hand tight around the medallion in his pocket and asked Craig , " So , how 's the missus ? " " Good , stood , " Well , say hi to her for me and Sally . " He walked around the desk to open the door for Craig . He shook his hand and then asked Connie to hold all of his calls . He sat at his desk and pulled out the medallion from his pocket . He flipped it over and over in his hands . What the flying fuck ? he thought . It seventeen at the time . They were only one year away from elder status and two years away from their deaths . She had only the one memory of her mother - running with her through the woods , attempting to escape Haven , and her mother being shot in the back as they tried to escape . Now Sissy was seventeen with a four year old daughter herself . She would be an elder at eighteen , and would join the elder council . After her mother 's escape attempt , the council had voted to have foot patrols along the edges of Haven in case anyone tried to escape again . She hoped looked over her shoulder and saw her husband walking towards them , bow in hand . Kayla ran to him and he lifted her in his arms and carried her back to her mother . He kissed Sissy 's forehead . " How were the patrols , Garrett ? " she asked him . " A lot of walking , " he said , setting Kayla down . " No one even tries to come near . There is no one to talk to . " He sighed heavily and sat next to Sissy . " Hand me a bowl , would you ? " he asked . Sissy handed him a bowl and he grabbed a handful of the soaked acorns . He peeled them , dropping them into his bowl . " No also didn 't have time to be a decent parent . Kayla didn 't get to join her father on patrols or on the rare hunts he went on . Sissy remembered , began to roughly mash his acorns , his hands clenched around the pestle so hard that the veins in his neck raised up . " I 'm so sick of this , " he said . " I don 't really believe in the Narada . " " Shh ! " said Sissy . " You don 't want Kayla to hear you saying that . " " Why the hell not ? Because we are told we have to pass down the superstition ? " Garrett 's frustration was showing . " Spurstishy , " intoned Kayla . " See , " said Sissy . " Kayla , honey , would you help mommy with something ? " " Okay , " said Kayla . " Would you go into the hut and play with dolly ? " she asked . " Okay ! " said Kayla . She ran into the hut . " Okay , now you can say what you want , " she said . " It 's just stupid , " said Garrett . " There are these mythical beings that will come and eat the adults in the village if any of us get older than nineteen . It doesn 't make sense . Everyone knows the young deer taste better than the old deer . If these monsters actually existed , they would prefer children over adults , wouldn 't they ? " Sissy continued to mash her acorns . She had heard this rant many times over from him . It always got her ire up - if the Narada didn 't exist , then her mother died for nothing . If the Narada didn 't exist , her father wasn 't noble , he was a murderer . " How do you know they eat our flesh . What if they eat our souls ? " asked Sissy . They 'd had this exact conversation many times over and this was how she always responded . " Have was eager to change the subject . " Garrett , I have something to tell you , " she said , putting down her pestle . Her expression turned strained and said . " What is it ? Is something wrong ? " Garrett asked , true concern in his voice . " My moon phase is late , " she said . " Fuck , " us , " he said . " Hell , it 'll still be a baby when we die . Fuck . " Sissy 's shoulders heaved as she sobbed . She held back her tears but the sobs wouldn 't be chased away by sheer will alone . " We have to escape , " he said firmly . " Are you insane ? " she asked . " If we do that , in two years , the Narada will come for us . They may even come to Haven , content with eighteen year olds . Our child will still have no parents , and who knows what will happen to Haven . " Garrett put a hand on Sissy 's thigh . " Your mother tried , " he said . " And she was wrong , " said Sissy . " She died for her stupid , wrong beliefs . Do you want Kayla to see us shot down , too ? " " I 'm on the patrol guard , I know when the walks overlap . I can find a time when we 're alone , " he said . Sissy spent the whole next week , trying to convince Sissy to flee Haven . He kept telling her there was zero evidence that the Narada even existed . Her arguments asking where the death tradition started didn 't phase him . she said one day . " You can 't browbeat me into this . If you get me to come just because I am tired of you nagging me , you will not only have a agreed . He was at the same time heartened that she was internalizing one of his arguments and also scared that she would push them aside without hearing them over and over again . It held her tight against him , running his hands down her hair . " No , he believed . He really believed he was saving all of Haven from her . " " How , how . . . how could we all be so stupid ? Why would anyone believe it ? " she cried . Her father was an idiot and a killer . " Because by the time we get old enough to question things , we die , " Garrett said . Sissy broke into such loud sobs that he worried she would wake Kayla . " I 'm sorry , Sissy , " he said . " That was a horrible thing to say . " " It was . . . true , " Kayla said between sobs . " Who would start this ? Who would terrorize and punish children like this ? " " I don 't know , " Garrett said . " If we get free , maybe we 'll find out . " Garrett would spend the next week counting how long between path crossings he had for each guard . Each guard walked at different speeds . The faster walkers would give them less time in which to work their way out . But the slowest walker of them all , Romeo , was the most vicious and violent of them all . Garrett would see him smacking the trees with his huge fighting staff with a smile on his face , occasionally hitting the squirrels that scurried to get away . " If thought about it . Romeo 's weaknesses may make up for his violence . He couldn 't shoot a bow worth a damn , he was fat , and by the end of his shift , he was breathless and sweaty . They could make it near the end of the shift . If it was dark when they ran out of the forest , they would be Sissy held her , teaching Kayla to wrap her arms and legs around Sissy . She would need Kayla to hang on the entire way out of the forest . Sissy even ran home with their foraged goods with Kayla hanging on to her . Kayla thought it a game , but Sissy took it as serious conditioning . Sissy and a few birds . Instead of gorging , they are one of the birds and Sissy prepared and preserved the rest . She made extra acorn bread . All of it was wrapped tight and tied up in the shade of the tree over their hut . " Tomorrow , " sunfall at the place your mother tried to run through . " " What if Romeo shows up ? " Sissy asked . " I 've been timing it . He 's never at that spot at sunfall . Are you ready ? " he asked . " I well behaved . If Kayla screamed or cried , they would be found . Sissy considered making a sleeping draught of the ceelie leaf . She needed Kayla awake to hold on to her . By the time they were far enough away that she could let Kayla sleep and rest , they would be far enough away that the patrol would probably not follow . " Mommy , are we going picking today ? " Kayla called foraging picking . " Later , " said Sissy . " Why don 't you grab dolly ? " Kayla 's doll was a dirty ragged mess . It had been Sissy 's when she was young . Kayla still loved it , though . Sissy hoped it would help keep Kayla happy on their journey . was an hour to sunfall when Sissy had finished loading the secret compartment of her pack . She looked to Kayla , " Picking time , sweetie , " she said . Kayla came running . " Where 's dolly ? " Sissy asked . " She 's sleeping , " said Kayla . " Go get her , " said Sissy . " She can sleep while you hold her . " Kayla got her doll , and held it in her arms , cradling it like she 'd seen the young mother cradling their babies . She walked alongside Sissy for a while , paying attention to her doll . When they had gotten away from the main huts and past where most of the girls forages , Sissy stopped and said , " Up " reaching for her daughter . Kayla reached up and held her dolly in her hands behind Sissy 's neck . As move . When she saw Garrett in the distance , she saw Romeo stopped , talking to him . She stopped and held as still as possible while watching . She saw the two boys ' shoulders heaving up and down as if in laughter . Romeo hit Garrett 's back with a hard pat and moved on , slapping trees with his club as he moved on . Garret had no choice but to walk away from the meeting spot . Sissy followed , paralleling him until she could not hear the crack of Romeo 's club any more . She moved forward to meet Garrett just as he was stopping to turn slow . Should mean we have a bit more time , " he said . Garrett ran his hand over Kayla 's head . Kayla was sleepy but awake . She had her head against Sissy 's shoulder and was alternating between closing her eyes and staring out at the scenery that went by . They made their way to the meeting point in silence . They looked around before heading forwards . They reached the spot where Sissy 's mother had been shot . Garrett walked forwards slowly . His arm hit the shimmering field before the rest of him . It stung . He pulled his hand back and stopped short . " Ouch , " he said . " What is it ? " whispered Sissy . " I don 't know , " Garrett said . " There is something here . " He put his hand forward and a shimmer went through the air and sting on his hand . He pulled his hand back again . Sissy encountered the same shimmer and sting . Instead of pulling her hand back , though , she pushed forward . The stinging left her hand and moved to a spot on her forearm . She pulled her arm back , involuntary tears falling down her face . " It hurts , " she said . " I think if we go through really quickly , it 'll hurt for just a second . " " My hand is still sore , " said Garrett . " If we 're caught here now , we 'll be killed , " said Sissy . " Let 's do it before we lose our nerve . " " Okay , I 'll go first , " said Garrett . Sissy watched as he backed up and crossed the invisible line at a full run . When he reached the other side , he had fallen to his knees . He bent over while , didn 't it ? But then it stopped , right ? " Kayla kept nodding . " Okay then , sweety . I need you to be brave . We 're gonna get bit and it 's gonna hurt for a little while . Can you be brave and not cry ? For mommy ? " " Yes , mommy . I am so brave , " Kayla said . " Hold tight , " she said to Kayla and took a few steps back . She went through the barrier at a hard run and felt a sting through her entire body that took away her breath . Her heart beat faster after breaching the barrier . " Fuck , " she said . She looked at Kayla 's face . It was scrunched up tight , her little nose wrinkled up . " Good girl , " Sissy said . But then Kayla started to cry and reach back . " Dolly , " she said . Sissy turned around and saw the doll on the other side of the barrier . " Fuck , " her and steeled his face into a tight expression . He barreled headlong through the field to grab the doll and instead of collapsing on the other side , he kept his face strong and his muscles tight running back through it . He was winded and sweaty when he got back to Sissy and Kayla . " Can I hold dolly ? " he asked Kayla . " No , " she pouted . " Honey , let daddy hold dolly . He never gets to hold her , " Sissy said . Kayla started to run and she ran alongside him . There were no trees above their head . The grasses they ran through were brown from the sun beating down on them . They didn 't hear any voices behind them . They looked back and saw nothing but continued to run . When they tired from running , they walked . They were scared to stop . Out She wondered if the Narada would come for them . Did they have a year and a half before the Narada would get them ? Who created that painful trap they ran through ? It could have been the Narada . They could get anyone who leaves . she named them old German names as a tribute to her long - dead mother . Her mother had been captured by her father in a raid and forced to be his third wife . Leila was born a year later . Three years after her birth , her mother had killed herself . As a child , she was told her mother died in a fight with the other wives . Leila refused to talk to the other wives . When a new one arrived , however , they became fast friends . The new wife was also German and told her the perils of being a out and about without a male escort , but with the invention of androids , women were allowed to go out escorted by the droids . The droids could drive for her , too . She missed the days when she could go to the market without a face covering and could play with both boys and girls . She had loved to play hide and seek in the marketplace , upsetting was while she was playing cards with the droids in her room , that her father came in to see her . He hadn 't been to see her in weeks . She jumped up out of her chair and stood at attention with her eyes demurely focused on the floor . Her father touched her cheek and walked in a circle around her . Leila held perfectly still . " Leila , " he said . " You have been a woman for an entire year now . It is time you married . " Leila had been dreading this day . She never wanted to be a wife to anyone . " I have found you a suitable husband , " her father continued . " You will be the first wife . " Being first wife was an honor . She would be head of all of the other wives the man chose to take . She would also be the first to bear child . For it wasn 't until the first child that new wives were taken . If she did not bear a child within the first two years , though , her survival would be uncertain . If he found a woman he wanted to take as wife after the first return her to her father instead , her father may take her life rather than support her . " What do you say , my child ? " asked her father . " Thank you , papa , " she said . He patted her head . " That 's my girl , " he said . " His men will arrive in a week to obtain you . " He paused and looked at her . Leila was holding in all of her emotion . She wanted to burst out crying . Her adulthood began and she didn 't want it . " There is one other thing , " her father said . " Your husband is a very traditional man . He does not believe that droids are a suitable replacement for male escorts , and he believes that his wife should do all of the chores and cooking . You will need to have these droids shut down . " " But , papa . . . " she began , looking up to his face . Her father gave her a stern look . " You will obey me , " he said , " and you will obey your husband or you will find yourself beaten . " " Yes , papa , " she responded and returned her gaze to the floor . " Samil will take you to the scrap yard today to have them deactivated . " He kissed her forehead and then left her room . Once he left , she broke down into tears . Gretel , the droid with the most updated software , came to her side . " It is okay , mistress Leila . We understand the need to deactivate us . We will be obedient . " Samil arrived later and escorted her and her droids to the hover car . They drove out of town , towards the scrapyard at the end of town . " Samil ? " Leila said to get his attention . " Yes , Leila ? " " Samil , do we have to go to the scrapyard ? I love Hansel and Gretel . I don 't want them turned to scrap . " " What but a child and loved her more than her own father did . " Can 't we just let them go ? Set them off to find their own way ? They won 't starve or anything , " Leila said . Samil assented to her wishes . How could he not ? They found a forested area and stopped the car . They opened the trunk and let the droids out . " Is this the scrapyard ? " asked Hansel . " Don 't be stupid , Hansel , " said Gretel . " We are in a forest . " Gretel turned to Leila , " Why are we in a forest ? Are we not meant to go to the scrapyard ? " Leila began to cry and she went to them and hugged them both in one embrace . " Yes , you are supposed to but I can 't stand the thought of you being little lumps of metal . " She let go of them and pointed into the forest . " Run and hide in there . You will be able to find a new family after enough time has passed , " she said . " As mistress wishes , " said Gretel . " Come along Hansel , we are going to walk in the forest . " Leila cried some more . " I 'll miss you , " she said . " We will miss you , too , " said Hansel . " Goodbye , mistress Leila , " said Gretel . The androids headed out into the forest . They heard the hover car leave the side of the forest . " We are all alone , now , " said Hansel . " Just for now , " said Gretel . " We only need to find shelter for a while before we go and take ourselves to market . " Hansel sighed a metallic sigh and continued to trudge through the forest . He did not know what type of shelter they needed to find and what kind would work for them . He knew they at least needed someplace dry . The rain would not destroy them but they didn 't want to rust . They completely of batteries , conduits , and had fountains of oil for yard decorations . Hansel did not even ask Gretel for permission or her opinion . He ran to the house . He slurped oil from the fountain , letting it go through his system to his joints . He picked at the batteries on the house and inserted them into various battery packs on himself . " Gretel , you 've got to try this , " he shouted . " This could be adequate shelter , " Gretel responded . Behind her came a voice . " This is my shelter , " it said . She turned to see an old woman walking down the path to the house . She had a cane that she was shaking in the air . She was clearly angry . " We are sorry , mistress , " said Gretel . " We did not know this house was occupied . " " And why wouldn 't it be ? " She looked at Hansel . " And why is that other droid eating my house ? " Hansel sheepishly dropped one of the batteries . " We 're lost , " said Gretel . " We are only looking for shelter until we can get ourselves to market to find a new home . " The old woman softened her expression . " Well come inside lost droids . " She opened a front door made entirely of circuits . They followed her and Hansel ran his hand along the circuits as they entered . " I have a comfy closet with power outlets that you two can rest and recharge in , " she said . " Oh , that is so kind , " said Gretel . She followed the little old lady to a closet door . Gretel looked into the closet before setting foot in it . She didn 't see a power outlet anywhere . She looked up at the ceiling and saw a crushing plate with spikes to better rip the metal off of an android into reusable pieces . The old woman tried to push Gretel in . " It 's a crusher , Hansel , " Gretel said . She stepped away from the old woman . " My , you are a heavy and strong droid , " said the old woman . " No droids that have come here have been able to get away from me . Still , I think I can was still breathing . " Oh Hansel , what do we do ? " she asked . " Kill her , " said Hansel . " It 's self defense . " Gretel looked at Hansel . " You 're right . It is self defense . " The coming from the closet and then all was silent . The two androids never took themselves to market . They had all the energy they needed in this old woman 's house . She had tried to trap them and now they were in an android 's paradise . Gretel thought often of Leila . Leila had been the only human who had ever shown them compassion . Gretel searched the wireless news reports for mention of Leila . Three years after moving into this house , she found an article . It was terrible . Leila had died in her father 's house . The obituary said it was an illness and said she was not succeeded by any children . Gretel knew what that meant . Leila had not borne children and was returned to her father 's house . If only her and Hansel had known , they would have gone to Leila . If only Leila knew the droids had a house she could run away to . She could have escaped - she would not have been killed by her father . At least we 're safe from him and the other humans , thought Gretel . Posted at 06 : 37 PM in 100 in 100 | Permalink the face of any significant happenings . Example : In the event of a student riot , give a minute of news time to the riot and then switch over to news about the latest pop culture icon . It is also possible to use large sporting events for the entertainment of the populace . Consider bringing in games that have high stakes - games of violence or games of chance will work here . Make sure that people empathize and wish to take sides in this competition . It will pacify their base , human need for conflict . Charming the PopulaceThe humans have a ' one of us ' and a ' us vs . them ' mentality . Being from a different planet will classify you as a ' them . ' This is a hurdle you and your subsequent progeny will have to overcome . You need to become an ' us ' despite your reptilian features and red eyes . This can be done by ingratiating yourself into their institutions . There are many things that humans have held sacred that facilitate their ' one of us ' classifications : ReligionThe humans have had religions for as long as they can remember . There have historically been and still are many different religions on their planet . They all feature a god or a prophet . Some religions have multiple gods , some have only one supreme god . It is almost unanimous that every religions believes it is the only religion of fact and that all of the gods of other religions are not real . They have a cognitive dissonance that allows them to disbelieve in other gods while believing in theirs . Their mentioned in the section on entertaining the populace , sporting events are a divisive thing . The populace will pick a team or individual they favor and will then see themselves as part of a group containing that team or individual . In team sport , the people will talk about ' we ' as if alien . Some tyrannical governments are created by humans , too . It is the belief of the resistance movement , however , that this form of governing is not native to our planet , but was brought here by the reptilian aliens . They believe it has become a successful form of governing as people have gotten used to it . This is a question that every resistance group must ask itself . It is difficult to give a straightforward answer as our own history tells us that both violent uprising and peaceful protest have worked and have , alternatively , not worked . A few key questions to ask about your province 's situation are : How many people want to and are willing to overthrow the government ? If it or not , more military presence makes for a better chance of a violent uprising succeeding . A small military will quickly jail any protesters - violent or peaceful - it comes across . A large military will need to wait until the populace is angry enough at the protesters before moving in . The ruse in the entire system is that the military is here to protect the people , not the dictators . A violent group will be able to accomplish more against a military that can 't immediately act for fear of arousing suspicion in the people it polices . What is your province 's attitude towards violence ? Do you have the blood games in your province ? Do you have the death penalty or public executions in your province ? Are the prevailing religions in your province in favor of or against violence ? All of these " Welcome to Today 's News , Mr . Tsoy , " said the interviewer , Kylie Elken . " Peter , " I said . " Call me Peter . " " Very good , Peter . Thank you for joining us , today . Now , you are a security guard at Reikenbach prison , correct ? " she asked . " Actually , my position is ' Security Technician . ' We no longer need guards . " " Tell us about what you do as a ' Security Technician ' . " This part I had prepared for - I was the face of the new ' Reality Rehabilitation Simulation ( RRS ) ' . I was an average looking guy with a non - threatening face and pose . I had joined the project out of feelings of compassion , and they wanted that to show in an interview . That 's how they were going to sell the technology to all of the prisons . " I facilitate the rehabilitation of prisoners . I am responsible for running the Reality Rehabilitation Simulation for the prisoners . The Rehab Technicians create a custom program for each prisoner , individualized to what they need . I run the program and monitor the prisoners while they go through the simulation . " " So , you 're the operator , then ? " " Basically . " " Can you tell us more about the simulation ? " " Well , essentially , we 've found a way to rehabilitate criminals into productive members of society in just a day . The simulation gives them , literally , a lifetime of learning , skills , counseling and whatever they need in just a day . Their brains experience an entire lifetime - in just one day . Those without any schooling are given schooling . Simulations are created specifically to teach the social lessons some of these criminals have never learned . They leave the simulation knowing the difference between right and wrong and with all of the skills and knowledge they need to be successful in society . " " That 's pretty amazing . But what about the moral implications ? " " What moral implications ? We give them morals . I 'm sorry , I don 't think I understand you . " " Wouldn 't you say you are programming them ? " I didn 't like her tone or where this was going . The RRS technology was the most amazing thing I had ever seen . I had always been anti - death penalty . I had always thought people just needed the right chances and there would be no more crime . How could she possibly spin this to be bad ? " That 's ridiculous , " I interjected . " Everyone 's life is a sum of their experiences and memories . In the simulation , these people are experiencing life . They are interacting and forming memories . They don 't all come out the same . They come out how they would if they had lived it . That 's like saying we 're all ' programmed ' by life . " " But you tailor those experiences to try to change them . . . " " For the better ! If someone never learned to read , what chance did they have ? Teaching them to read in a fraction of a day gives them better chances - it makes them better ! " " Who decides what is better , though ? " She was getting aggressive . " Well , we as a complex society make rules . . . " " What happens when we want to make everyone ' better ' ? " she interrupted . " This is specifically rehabilitation technology - it 's meant only as rehab for criminals . " " For now , " she said . I didn 't know how to respond . I was tempted to jump up and leave . How could I be making such a PR nightmare ? I was supposed to be the kind face of the technology . " Thank you for your time , Mr . Tsoy . It was very informative . " She looked into one of the cameras , " Kylie Elken for Today 's News . " I stood up . " How could you ambush me like that ? " I asked her , anger in my voice . " Peter , don 't be stupid . It 's ratings . You are going to be big news tomorrow . " Oh God , I 'm going to lose my job , I thought . " Not in the way I wanted to be big news . I 'm doing good work . This is good , " I said . " I 'm sure it is and I 'm sure you 're proud of your work . " She stood up and walked off of the set . Fuck , how do I keep my job ? Once and ate instant noodle soup and watched TV . I tried to avoid watching the interview when it was aired that night . I couldn 't help it , though . I phone rang after the interview . I looked at the caller ID - it was a blocked number . I considered not answering it . But I did . " Hello ? " I said . " Peter , this is Greg Harpson , CEO of Invitech - the creators of the RRS . " " Uhh . . . " " I wanted to thank you for a great job . I just watched the interview . You were fantastic . " " But , I . . . you thought I did a good job ? What about the stuff Kylie said ? " " She came off as paranoid . You came off as a caring about society as a whole . We think you are going to be an asset as we expand in the prison system and beyond . " " Beyond ? " " Well , imagine going through boot camp in a couple of hours - or college or job training . This is going to be huge . I want to offer you a job at Invitech - get you out of the prison and get you selling our system to anyone who wants it . " " I 'll . . . I 'll have to think about it . " " Don 't think about it - I 'm sending a car around to pick you up . We 'll have a late dinner and discuss it . " " Okay , " I said . " See you soon . " I hung up . I ran to the bathroom to fix up my hair and brush my teeth . I looked in the mirror . What was I going to do ? Was Kylie right ? Or was this just a great way to train and teach people ? Are we going to adapt this technology to retrain a whole country ? Everyone patriotic , everyone first of the bombs was dropped on America - on Manhattan . It wasn 't a dirty bomb . It wasn 't terrorists . While we were busy trying to fight the terrorist threat by invading middle eastern countries , the Russians were amassing military strength like never before . The prices of oil had skyrocketed and their imports made them wealthy once again . They hid bombed them back . It didn 't take long for both sides to lose huge amounts of infrastructure and technology centers lay in rubble as well . Ted was sixteen when the bombing started . When the bombings stopped , he was seventeen but the war still raged on through foot soldiers and tanks . No one would allow the other side to get last licks . America had , since World War II , a reluctance to send soldiers out to die . We had sent unmanned drones into war for years . The destroyed cities , though , made it difficult for a drone to find targets . It was decided that human soldiers would be needed . But no one wanted to send their sons into war . There would have to be a draft . When it for years . The clones weren 't perfect - they couldn 't think for themselves . The clones had to be controlled by an operator , by the original . Now a soldier would sign up for war , have a clone made of himself and then spend his day in a control pod , fighting the war from the safety of hidden bunkers . Young men were encouraged to sign up to be signed up for the army the day after the announcement . His mother cried . He told her it was okay , he 'd be safe . She was going to miss him anyway . He wouldn 't be getting time off . He 'd be fighting in the war from some secret bunker . She asked him to write and he said he would if he could . He had to go to boot camp , still . All of the soldiers needed to be in fit shape when they were cloned so that their clones turned out get into the control pod and while he slept a clone would be made . He didn 't even have to the look at the clone . While their clones were shipped off to Russia , the men enjoyed a day of leisure . When his clone got to Russia , Ted got back into his pod . He had to be sedated for a day he woke , Ted had no awareness of the control pod . He saw through his clone 's eyes instead . They said it would feel like this . His brain was interfacing directly with the clone 's brain . He felt everything the clone felt . It was as if he was in that body . His platoon was filled out adrenaline hadn 't worn off . They were in pods but still they felt the adrenaline . " Why do we have to eat ? " said one of the guys in Ted 's platoon . " Don 't be an idiot , George , " said Jordan , one of the other soldiers . " The clones need food , too . We have to feed them . " " Why don 't we have to eat while in the pods , then ? " " They probably have us on tubes and shit . " " Why don 't we get to leave the clones and come out of the pods ? " " Dude , " said Ted . " You 're a regular conspiracy theorist . I mean , come on , the clones would be completely vulnerable if we left them without our control . The Russians could sneak in and kill them . " " I don 't think there are any clones , " said George . " I think they tricked us . " " That 's stupid , " said Ted . Ted didn 't realize how right George actually was . It was two weeks after that conversation that Ted lay bleeding in the battle field with a shot to the gut . He was dying and there was no one around to help him . He wondered why he wasn 't being woken in the pod . He was stuck feeling the sensation of dying , which he assumed was his clone dying . He didn 't want body was shipped to his mother , with the explanation that there had been a bombing of the facility by the Russians and shrapnel had killed Ted and a bunch of the other men . It was released to news stations that this had happened - we even made up convincing pictures to give to the news stations . It put the American people into even more of a fervor to go to war . People signed up willingly . The draft was avoided thanks to the sacrifice Ted and his compatriots didn 't know they were making . At the time , we believed this was a necessary evil . It would win us the war , we said . I said it , too . Now I regret it . We sent so many men to war and so few came home . As our world lays in rubble and we struggle to rebuild , I feel nothing more than the guilt . I will write every man 's story . Every man we tricked , his story will be told . This is my penance . like to go on the 3 's or the 8 's on the clock . " I get to drive " Gary said to himself . Posted at 05 : 42 PM in 100 in 100 | Permalink
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< a href = " http : / / archiveofourown . org / works / 238550 " >< strong > Book Four < / strong >< / a > ( 63296 words ) by < a href = " http : / / archiveofourown . org / users / DarkJediQueen " >< strong > DarkJediQueen < / strong >< / a >< br / > Chapters : 30 / 30 < br / > Fandom : < a href = " http : / / archiveofourown . org / tags / Harry % 20Potter % 20 - % 20J * d * % 20K * d * % 20Rowling " > Harry Potter - J . K . Rowling < / a >< br / > Rating : Teen And Up Audiences < br / > Warnings : Graphic Depictions Of Violence < br / > Relationships : Harry Potter / Draco Malfoy , Hermione Granger / Ron Weasley , Canon Relationship ( s ) , Astoria Greengrass / Harry Potter , Sirius Black / Remus Lupin , Draco Malfoy / Viktor Krum < br / > Characters : Sirius Black , Bartemius Crouch Jr . , Bartemius Crouch Sr . , Roger Davies , Fleur Delacour , Cedric Diggory , Dobby , Albus Dumbledore , Cornelius Fudge , Hermione Granger , Astoria Greengrass , Igor Karkaroff , Viktor Krum , Neville Longbottom , Luna Lovegood , Draco Malfoy , Minerva McGonagall , Alastor " Mad - Eye " Moody , Harry Potter , Severus Snape , Fred Weasley , George Weasley , Ginny Weasley , Ron Weasley < br / > Additional Tags : Angst , Drama < br / > Series : Part 4 of < a href = " http : / / archiveofourown . org / series / 4766 " > What Happened to Harry Potter ? < / a >< br / > Summary : < p > Harry starts his Fourth year off with bang . The World Cup is just the start of it all though . Harry finds out that there is someone at Hogwarts that wants to give him to the Dark Lord . Is there a clever plot being done by a Death Eater ? < / p > Harry starts his Fourth year off with bang . The World Cup is just the start of it all though . Harry finds out that there is someone at Hogwarts that wants to give him to the Dark Lord . Is there a clever plot being done by a Death Eater ? Harry had dreams over the course of the summer . They were the same nearly every time that he had them . Harry wasn 't really scared by them . He just figured it was something left over from living with his Aunt and Uncle . It was more of a puzzle to him than anything else . The fact that he was never able to enter the room that he was walking towards . " Harry ! Your breakfast is getting cold . You 'd better come downstairs now ! " Severus called from the kitchen . Harry knew that if he didn 't get downstairs soon , his father would send his Patronus after him to herd him downstairs . He had had it happen quite a bit over the summer . His school work was long over . Each lesson was completed to the exacting standards of his father . Each essay was completed to O . W . L standards . " Coming ! " Harry yelled as he jumped out of his bed . He had been up for hours . Had even dressed for the day but had laid back down to think of the dream . Harry dashed out of his room and down the steps just outside his door . He had the only room the top floor . It was a small villa they lived in . Harry had been to Spinner 's End a few times when Severus had to put in a appearance there when someone showed up . House Elves were living there and making it seem like he lived there . They walked a fine line in keeping Harry 's life a secret . No one could suspect that Severus was the one raising Harry until the time was right . Harry didn 't know when that was going to be . Severus just kept telling him that they would know when the time is right . " It may be summer but you are not lying in bed all day long . " " I wasn 't . I was thinking . " Harry looked at his father and his face told Harry that he didn 't believe him . Harry sighed . " I was thinking about my form . " " I see . What about it ? " " James was a Stag . You 've told me his Patronus was as well . Mom 's Patronus was a doe . Then there is you . Your Patronus is a doe as well but your form is that of a raven . " " That 's because I became a Animagus to hide . Ravens hide very well . Deer can 't hide as well . Your father became a Animagus to help kChapter 2 : Information Harry woke up the day before the World Cup and he almost flew out of bed . Ron and his father were going to be meeting him in Diagon Alley later that day and then they would head to the Burrow . Harry was already packed . He was going to be staying with them until the start of the school year . Dumbledore had Severus going out and trying to find information on Voldemort . Harry dressed himself and went down to breakfast . Severus was sitting at the table . There was no paper of book in his hand and his own breakfast was only half eaten . There was something wrong . Severus looked up at him with a frown on his face . " Harry , I am glad that I have taught you what I have taught you . This year at Hogwarts is going to be a trial for you . I have just gotten a letter from a old friend of mine . He wants to meet up at the game tomorrow . This will not spell any good for you or for I but I must go along with this to keep my cover . " " Who ? " " He had not given me his name but with what he has told me it is someone that should be dead . " " Death Eater ? " " Yes . " " Dangerous ? " " Yes . " " I see . You will be careful right ? " " Yes , Harry I will be . I want you to be careful tomorrow as well . I fear what could happen with all those people together . " " Take the map with you . I fear trying to get it inside the castle . " " I will . Is it still on your nightstand ? " " Yes . I will keep my wand on me at all points in time tomorrow . No one will touch it . I also have my spells and other protections down . No one will touch me . " " There will be a lot of people from the Ministry there tomorrow and I worry . " " Mr . Weasley got us a box to ourselves . We invited Neville and his grandmother to join us in the box as well . " " Good . I think we both need to eat and then start packing this place up for the school year . It shouldn 't take long with magic . " It took them several hours but they finished in record time . The elves would keep the house clean but there was no trace of Severus or Harry in the house . Severus had made a small batch of Polyjuice Potion in preparation of them leaving . Harry hatedChapter 3 : World Cup The hill where the Portkey was waiting on them wasn 't too far away but it did wake the rest of group up . Ron and the twins were debating by the time they got to the top of the hill . " Here they are ! " Amos Diggory called . He pocketed his watch and held up an old boot . " Wonderful to see you all . Harry , Ron , Arthur . " " You know my son and Harry ? " " Yes , last year , we were one of the ones that were not able to make it into Platform 9 and ¾ . " " I see . Well we are a minute off . Are we waiting for any others ? " " The Lovegoods have been there for weeks and the Fawcetts couldn 't get tickets . No others in the area are there ? " The nine wizards crowded around the boot and touched whatever they could to it . Arthur counted down the seconds until the Portkey activated . Harry knew the sensation of it activating . It felt like about a minute of travel and they arrived . Harry watched as Arthur got their campsite down . It was not that far of a walk but they had to pass many people on their way . Some looked at his but didn 't recognize him . Most knew exactly who he was and he could tell that by the looks of pity on their faces . Harry knew that a mob was going to be outside of their tents in a just a while . Long enough for them to rally themselves and enough people around . " Mr . Weasley , can we hurry ? I don 't like the looks of the crowd . " " Yes , I think that would be a good thing . I 'll just get the tents set up with magic and we will be set . Why don 't you girls go and find water . Harry stick close to me . " Harry did stay close . He helped Arthur when he could . He knew that strictly speaking magic wasn 't supposed to be use but Harry knew that he was using it to save time and to get Harry in the tent as quick as possible . There were other displays of magic all around and theirs was the most tame . It only took about ten minutes to get the two separate tents up . Harry was pretty sure they were wizard tents . Otherwise the Weasley males and Harry would not fit inside . Harry had heard about the tents and read about them but he had never been inside one . Harry wChapter 4 : Death Eater March Hermione gasped while Arthur just nodded and Ron just stared in horror . Ron looked quickly from Harry to Severus . " You 're a Death Eater ? " " Yes , I am the Death Eater that passed the knowledge of the Prophecy to the Dark Lord . I also pleaded with him to save Lily . The woman that I loved from death . He showed me his true self that night . He cared nothing for any one himself . We his loyal followers were nothing but a means to an end for him . I went to Dumbledore that night and pleaded with him . I gave him all my knowledge . He saved me from the Ministry and I promised to be his double agent when the Dark Lord came back . " " So Dumbledore knew that he wasn 't gone ? " Hermione asked . Severus nodded . " How did you keep Harry hidden ? " " The moment that the ward fell due to fire and they never found him , the Ministry broke Harry 's trace . All children are given his trace when they are born . It of course only can tell that magic is done not who does it . The Ministry only really keeps track of the Muggle borns in that regard , they expect the parents of half and full bloods to keep the kids under control . Harry 's was gone in seconds . I gave it a week to be sure and then started training him . I had him casting some small spells using another wand I had . I didn 't want to take him wand shopping . " " Why are you telling us this ? " Arthur asked . " There is something going on this year and I don 't like it . " " How did the meeting go ? " " Strangely . I did not meet the person who sent me the letter . Instead , there was a letter waiting for me and several other Death Eaters . There is something that is supposed to go on here at the World Cup at the close of the match . I cannot protect Harry . I have told Dumbledore and he wants me to participate in whatever happens to try and found out who is doing this . Arthur , you will be the sole protection of Harry during and after the match . He can protect himself but he does stupid things when there are others that could be hurt . That 's the Gryffindor in him . " " And my mother , " Harry said . He walked over to his father and Chapter 5 : Rumors Abound The world watched as the World Cup came to a close and no one was expecting the Death Eaters to show up at such a public place to try and take the Boy - Who - Lived . The attack happened early in the morning and security was caught off guard . Word has spread that Potter rebuffed the Ministry 's help in protecting him . Potter was heard telling people that he could take care of himself and didn 't need help at all . Right after the attack started some admit to seeing Potter take of running into the woods screaming and didn 't come until he had an escort of over ten Aurors . Ministry officials chose not to comment and Potter himself has not been seen since late last night . Harry didn 't need to read anymore of the story . Molly took the paper and read it herself . She sighed and moved passed the front page and went to the society pages . Everyday for the rest of the week rumors abound about what happened at the World Cup . Harry 's name was drug into it all the time . The stories she posted got worse and worse . The only good point was that about half way through the week she got word of a missing Ministry employee and she started on it . Worried about taking of the kids to Diagon Alley , Molly did the school shopping for all the kids on her own . She came back with dress robes for them all . Harry 's were normal looking except they were green like his eyes . Ron 's were another things , they had lace . Harry took one look at them and tried not to laugh . He promised Ron that he would help him make them look better . The morning arrived when they were supposed to go back to school . Harry wasn 't looking forward to the year . He knew that bad things were going to happen . His scar was hurting near constant and earlier that morning it had spiked . Harry arrived in the kitchen of the Burrow in time to hear that someone had tried to attack Mad - Eye Moody . That couldn 't be good . Harry knew what his new job was to be and if someone attacked him the day he was supposed to start his job , they were trying to stop him . Harry jotted off a quick note to his father Chapter 6 : Stares Moody decided not to arrive with the students on the train . He arrived on his own about half way through dinner The disturbance had to have made him more paranoid , therefore Harry expected him to arrive on his own but by the looks of him he walked the whole way . Harry knew the students would be talking of it for days . He had made an entrance all right . The tables were buzzing . Harry knew why most of them were talking . They were wondering Dumbledore had hired him of all people . He was considered crazy , even by polite society . Harry had a feeling he knew why . Dumbledore wanted to watch Harry and protect him . Harry had proven that he didn 't need and it was frustrating the old man . Dumbledore was not used to being not needed . All the man 's plans had been ruined . The only real big piece of news that Dumbledore gave in his speech was that starting this years all students belongings were to be searched before entering the school . There was a little bit of upset at this until Dumbledore glared at the students . He spouted that it was an added measure after the attack at the World Cup . What came after that was even bigger news . There was to be no Quidditch Cup that year due to something else that was going to be taking place : The Triwizard Tournament . That started a whole new buzz that didn 't die down until the last student had left the feast . Several hours that night were spent talking about what that meant for the school . The Muggle - borns of Gryffindor were clued in on what the Triwizard Tournament was all about . Of course the older students used it to scare the younger ones but it wasn 't that bad , considering the younger ones couldn 't enter . Only students who were seventeen and over could enter . That was why his father had not told him . He was not eligible . Harry left the discussions early that night and went to bed . He was glad that next morning that he did because he spent half the night in that same nightmare he had had over the course of the summer , except this time he finished it . He woke up very early the next morningChapter 7 : First Week 's Excitement When Neville , Ron , and Hermione came back after classes Harry had them come into the dorm and talk with him . He told them what had happened . Leaving out that his father had put a spell on him . Hermione had of course , found out from the Twins , that Severus had taken Harry away for a chat with the Headmaster . They spent their time until dinner discussing how desperate the Ministry must be to actually approve the use of Veritaserum on a underage Wizard . Hermione wanted to look it up and see if they were allowed without the permission of the parent but Harry reminded her that this was the Ministry trying to find out who his father was . " Who is Regulus Black ? " Neville asked . " He is my godfather Sirius 's brother . He was a Death Eater and defied Voldemort and was killed for it . I basically sent them on hunt that will turn up nothing . I do have something that I am going to do though . Hermione , I need your help finding someone . Her name is Luna Lovegood . She 's a Ravenclaw . " " I know her . Why do you want to find her ? " " Her father owns the Quibbler . I may need to have access to a news source that isn 't in the Ministry hands . I hope that I will not need it but with Rita Skeeter out there I may . " " Are you sure , mate ? " Ron asked . He looked a little shocked . " Yes , I am sure . I read the paper a lot . So does my father . While there is a bunch of stuff in there that is not true , there is more that is and flies under the radar of the rest of society . There is more truth published in that paper than there is in the Daily Prophet lately . " " I 'll let her know that you want to talk to her tonight at dinner . I am sure that she won 't mind getting in contact with her father for you . " " Thanks . Why don 't we head down and see about getting sat down for dinner . " Harry stood up and the rest followed him . As they started down the steps from the boys dorm the twins were coming up . They looked at Harry and smiled . They grabbed Harry 's arms and pulled him back up inside . The others looked like they were going to follow but they stopped when Harry waved them onChapter 8 : Defense Against the Unforgivables Harry woke early on Wednesday morning . His dreams had stopped since he dreamed about Crouch Jr . . He was sure that because he finally made it to that part his mind had now stopped fixating on the dream since he had found out what the dreams had been trying to tell him . His father surmised that he had a link to Voldemort and that was why he had been trained in Occlumency from such a young age . Still things leaked through . Harry went to breakfast like normal with Ron . Ron and Hermione were still acting kind of weird to each other . Harry was going to have fun watching them move around each other and see how long it took for them to admit that they liked each other . Harry woke early on Wednesday morning . His dreams had stopped since he dreamed about Crouch Jr . . He was sure that because he finally made it to that part his mind had now stopped fixating on the dream since he had found out what the dreams had been trying to tell him . His father surmised that he had a link to Voldemort and that was why he had been trained in Occlumency from such a young age . Still things leaked through . Harry went to breakfast like normal with Ron . Ron and Hermione were still acting kind of weird to each other . Harry was going to have fun watching them move around each other and see how long it took for them to admit that they liked each other . Harry looked around the table to the other Fourth Year Gryffindors . Some were already paired up but many were looking at others with longing . Even Hermione was looking at Ron in strange ways . It wouldn 't be long for them . Harry was looking forward to his afternoon class . It was Double Ancient Runes . His first class of the subject . He couldn 't wait for it . It had to better than Divination . The morning passed so slowly . Harry was thankful that he didn 't have History of Magic or he was sure that he would have fallen asleep . The rest of Wednesday passed quickly . Harry loved Ancient Runes and knew that it would at least keep him interested . He and Hermione talked about it the whole time at dinner with Ron staring at Harry with what was close to hatred . Hermione started asking Ron about how he enjoyed his afternoon free and asked what he had done to pass the time . Ron slowly calmed down over the evening . Harry didn 't really notice the change in him . Harry slept well that night going over words and such in Ancient Runes in his head to fall asleep to . He hadn 't really had a lot of dreams over the weeks . His mental shields were at the peak of their power and Harry knew that nothing could get passed them . xXxXxXxTransfiguration that next morning was a good double period . They covered a lot of things from the year before and even Neville kept the progress that he had attChapter 9 : Triwizard Tournament At breakfast one morning , Harry noticed that a Second Year was staring at him . It was the normal staring that he was used to . She was looking at him like she was trying to figure out what made him tick , like she was trying to see the him underneath it all . Harry knew that she was a Greengrass , he just couldn 't remember her name . She was a Ravenclaw but that wasn 't that odd . Her family were usually Slytherins according to what his father told him but sometimes Slytherin family 's had children that were in Ravenclaw . They were almost never in any of the other houses . Harry continued to stare back at her and her gaze never left his . Finally , it triggered in his mind . Astoria was her name . She was the one that he had saved the year before . It wasn 't until other Ravenclaws sat down that she tore her gaze away from Harry 's . Harry made a mental note to look out for her . There was something there . At breakfast one morning , Harry noticed that a Second Year was staring at him . It was the normal staring that he was used to . She was looking at him like she was trying to figure out what made him tick , like she was trying to see the him underneath it all . Harry knew that she was a Greengrass , he just couldn 't remember her name . She was a Ravenclaw but that wasn 't that odd . Her family were usually Slytherins according to what his father told him but sometimes Slytherin family 's had children that were in Ravenclaw . They were almost never in any of the other houses . Harry continued to stare back at her and her gaze never left his . Finally , it triggered in his mind . Astoria was her name . She was the one that he had saved the year before . It wasn 't until other Ravenclaws sat down that she tore her gaze away from Harry 's . Harry made a mental note to look out for her . There was something there . Neville , Ron , and Hermione arrived at breakfast not long after . Classes were discussed and at the top was Defense Against the Dark Arts . They were going strong on everything in that class . Dark item after Dark item were discussed . Dark Arts were revealed for what they were . Harry had a feeling he knew where the classes were going . It wouldn 't be long before Moody showed them what the Imperious Curse felt like . He had hinted at it for a while . Harry couldn 't wait . He wanted to see what it would do to him . Harry got his wish that day because Moody did indeed want to show them what the spell was like . Grumblings were brought up about that being illegal and Moody told them that Dumbledore wanted them to know and if they really didn 't want to find out then they could leave . Everyone stayed of course . Moody 's eye settled on Harry , as he knew that it would . Harry had survived one , of course he would be the test subject for the other . " Potter , to the front . I want to see if it works on you . " Harry nodded and put his wand in his pocket . He wasn 't going up there unarmed . He had been caught off guard once already this year and he wasn 't going iChapter 10 : Hoodwinked Harry watched both men with a great interest . The Tournament was spelled out in its entirety for all the students present . The Age Line was going to be a problem for the twins but he was sure that they would come up with something . Then the severity of the Tournament was pressed upon them all . Harry knew that most would not understand it . They would only see the glory of being picked and not the fallout after they were chosen . The speech finished on a more somber note than it began but the students were still eager . Harry watched both men with a great interest . The Tournament was spelled out in its entirety for all the students present . The Age Line was going to be a problem for the twins but he was sure that they would come up with something . Then the severity of the Tournament was pressed upon them all . Harry knew that most would not understand it . They would only see the glory of being picked and not the fallout after they were chosen . The speech finished on a more somber note than it began but the students were still eager . While leaving the Great Hall , Harry noticed that Karkaroff was staring at him . Krum was also staring but in a way that only showed he had an interest in Harry . Harry nodded at Krum and noticed that Draco was near him as well . Harry strode across the Hall to meet up with him . " Viktor Krum , welcome to Hogwarts . " Harry held out his hand in greeting . " Harry Potter , thank you . " Krum looked him up and down . He smiled at him . " How are you enjoying the warm weather so far ? " " It is much warmer than home , I do have to say that . I have to beg off . We are an hour behind you and I am not the greatest at the moment . " " Head of Slytherin is also our potions master . You might want to ask him for something to make you feel better . " " I think that I can care for myself . I find those who I supped with to be a rather strange group . " " Maybe tomorrow , I you can sup with my House . You can see how we enjoy ourselves . " Krum nodded and smiled before bowing and leaving . Karkaroff quickly met back up with him and belittled a few of the others that he brought with him . Harry wondered if that was done so that only Krum would be a true candidate for the Tournament . Madame Maxine seemed to have brought many true candidates . The Cup would have a hard time choosing out of them . Harry watched those leave the Great Hall and wondered whom of the few Sixth Years and of the many Seventh Years who would put forth their names . There were few in the school that Harry would even believe to be competent enough to survive . Given the talk that had been goinChapter 11 : Worthy Opponents " He has to compete . His name came out of the cup . It is a binding magical agreement . " Crouch looked back at the rest of the people following him . Dumbledore , McGonagall , Snape , Flitwick , Bagman , Karkaroff , and Maxime were all looking upset . " He has to compete . His name came out of the cup . It is a binding magical agreement . " Crouch looked back at the rest of the people following him . Dumbledore , McGonagall , Snape , Flitwick , Bagman , Karkaroff , and Maxime were all looking upset . " He is to blame . Potter always does things that he is not supposed to . " " Thank you , Severus . I am sure that we agree that he did not put his name in . the Goblet itself tells us that it thinks there are four schools participating . That is a good bit of magic . Even a Seventh Year would find it very hard to cast that magic . The schools ghosts were watching the Goblet carefully . Potter it seems did not even go near it . Many students paused near it and many of the teachers spent time watching the students around it . " " What are you thinking , Albus ? " Karkaroff asked . " Someone magicked the Goblet from a short distance and then forced a student to put the name in . Someone wants Harry to be in this . " " We can 't stop it . There is too much tied into this . " Bagman looked around the room at the adults . " Potter has agreed to compete with us . " Viktor looked at Karkaroff and nodded . Fleur looked at her Headmistress and nodded as well . Cedric didn 't do anything but stare at Dumbledore . " This is something that only one person can win , " Crouch said looking at the children like they were idiots . " We understand but surely we must still act with decorum and compassion . Potter is young yes but I am sure that with a little help from us he can compete just as well . We will all compete and know what we are facing or we will all step down . " Fleur looked at her fellows after giving her speech . They each nodded . " I think that can be arranged . " Dumbledore looked at Karkaroff and Maxime before looking at the two from the Ministry . " Yes . Fine . The First Task is dragons . You have to get past a dragon . That is all that we are telling you . " Harry looked at Dumbledore . " I still think that Potter should be questioned , " Karkaroff demanded . " Potter has a very strong mind , " Snape said . He looked at the former Death Eater . " It woulChapter 12 : Meeting with Severus AN - I am so sorry . I posted the chapter thirty one on all my other sites and I even puslished it here but for some reason it didn 't take and I never noticed . I just posted the other chapter and here is this weeks chapter . AN - I am so sorry . I posted the chapter thirty one on all my other sites and I even puslished it here but for some reason it didn 't take and I never noticed . I just posted the other chapter and here is this weeks chapter . Harry made his way through the school slowly . He didn 't want to make any more noise than what he had to make . It took him ten minutes to make it to the storeroom . Harry looked around the hall before he put the key in the lock . Harry quickly entered the room and found that another door was open at the back . Harry kept his cloak on and walked down that narrow corridor . It took Harry directly to Severus 's bedroom . Severus was sitting on the bed looking at a letter in his hand . Harry didn 't want to scare him ; he was intently reading the letter with just his wand for light . " I heard the door open Harry . Take the cloak off . You and I have a lot to talk about . " Harry pulled off the robe and set it on a chair before he went over the bed and sat down . He looked at the letter and recognized Sirius 's handwriting . What happened that would have Sirius writing his father ? " Seems that Fudge approached Sirius about twelve hours ago about trying to get custody of you . Fudge spent several hours trying to make it seem that Sirius was the only one who could save you . " " Why are we meeting here ? " Harry asked looking around the room . Harry had never actually been in this particular room . " It is the only room that is safe from Moody . Harry , Moody 's eye can see through just about anything . I have this room spelled so that he can 't see in . He also cannot look into the other teacher 's bedrooms . That was added this year . We are allowed our privacy but the students ' rooms are not protected . He can 't hear you but he can read lips , somewhat . Be careful what you say at all points . I know that you have been looking at the map . " " No one is an imposter . I check it every morning . I also check the students and I see no names that I don 't recognize . " Harry straightened up and smiled at his father . Harry stood up and started wandering around th Fudge tried to tell me that anyone could be better than who had me . I asked him how he knew who had you . He stated that anyone that would not be open about having Harry had to know that Harry would be taken away from him . I told him that no who had Harry was scared of the giant sign that would be painted on both of them if anyone knew who his father was . I told him that I was happy with who currently had Harry . I said that Fudge was an idiot if he thought that I wouldn 't have checked out who had Lily and James 's son for myself . Fudge then demanded that I tell him who had Harry . I told him that even if I wanted to I could not because I gave my oath . Fudge said that he would see about compelling me to tell him . I laughed . I gave the Unbreakable Oath , I said with a laugh . There was no way that I could tell anyone until I was told that I could . He got real upset at that . That also could have been because Remus came in at that point . I have heard rumors of what is going at the school this year . Thank Merlin that that the younger students won 't participate in it . Harry is safe . My case against the Ministry is going good . My solicitor feels that I have a good case against them . While my trial releasing me went well , there is still the fact that I was put away with no trial . My solicitor wants to drag them through the courts right now . I think it will serve well . The Ministry might not be able to bother you and Harry as much . With Friendship , Sirius BlackThe House of Black " Why is the closing so formal ? " Harry asked with a frown . His godfather has never been so formal with him . " Because while he respects that I am taking good care of you , we still do not get along . We are not friends and probably never will be . We have already agreed to act civil for your sake but I doubt we will ever go any farther than that . " " Why would Remus entering the room make Fudge upset ? " " He and several of his staff are trying to destroy the half - bloods as they call them . Anyone with magical creature blood in them . Werewolves , Veelas , and many othChapter 13 : Fallout " You might as well come out , Harry , " Severus said sighed as he looked over where Harry sat on the bed . " Mr . Potter , " the Baron said with a smile and a small bow . " Bloody Baron . " Harry greeted back with a bow . " Mr . Diggory is very earnest in his want to help Harry . As are the others . If someone put Harry 's name in the Goblet to kill him , they want it to not happen . If they put his name in because they want him to win , helping each other and making this a fully fair Tournament will be a shot to whoever did put his name in . " " What do the rest of the students say ? " " They agreed . Miss Delacour was very insistent about making Potter a part of the it in the fullest way . I have been keeping an eye on Karkaroff , at your request . He hasn 't done anything yet that would set off an alarm . I will continue to watch him . " The Baron said nothing else he just floated away through the wall . Severus turned to look at Harry and gave a small shake of his head . " What are you going to do about the First Task ? " " I was thinking that my broom and a nice stock of spells should do it . Charlie slipped up a little , he let it be known that he would be at the castle this year . That meant dragons . I 've been wondering about why they would need dragons and obviously the Tournament came to mind . I 've been thinking of it a little over the past two months . " " You are still too observant for your own good . Go to your room . Don 't want anyone getting suspicious . Be careful . No matter what the map says , there is someone here who has it out for you . " Harry hugged his father before he threw his cloak back on and left the way that he came . He pulled his map out before he left the storeroom and looked at it . Moody was patrolling somewhere on the third floor . Harry quickly left the storeroom and moved at quick as he dared to his own room . Fred and George were waiting on him at the door ; George had their map in hand . Nothing was said as Harry entered and threw off his cloak . The twins trudged off to their dorm while Harry went to his . The mystery of what they got up to oHarry Potter Enters the Triwizard Tournament Harry Potter , a boy of fourteen , enters the Triwizard Tournament . While there is little information being released at this point in time , this Reporter has found out that indeed , Harry Potter will be participating in the Tournament . This has far reaching effects because it was decreed that no one under the age of seventeen would participate this time around . Why would a child of fourteen put his name in the Goblet ? Rumors have already started that Potter 's father forced him to put his name in , for reasons unknown . The Ministry should start a full investigation into the life of young Mr . Potter because it is obvious that his life is unstable and that his father has it out for him . For more on this story and the Triwizard Tournament please go to page fourteen . Harry threw the paper down in disgust . Fleur and Viktor just looked at Harry . " Harry , we all understand that what she writes can 't be true . I have watched you since you arrived at the school . There is no way that a Death Eater is your father . We won 't demand anything of you . Your secrets are yours to keep . We would like to train with you though . I 've told Fleur and Viktor what I have seen of you and what I think you can do but I have never had a class with you for obvious reasons . " " You will find that I have been trained for war , Cedric . I will tell you about my life in some ways . I was trained for war from the moment that my father laid his hands on me but not for the reasons that most would think . Dumbledore was going to leave me with my Aunt and Uncle in the Muggle World with no knowledge of my true parentage . I was raised to believe my father was a drunk . I was supposed to come to my first year of school so thankful to get away from them that I would idolize Dumbledore and do what he asked , which would have ended with me giving my life against Voldemort . " My life would be very different from others . I would have known nothing of this world and would have probably learned very little of it , all to keep me loyal to Dumbledore . My father changed that when he savedChapter 14 : Waiting Harry wondered if anything else was going to go wrong . Everyone was making it his or her 's business to make sure that Harry was late for every class . Monday 's Herbology was the worst because it was with Hufflepuffs . Harry started feeling like he was back in the Muggle school he had been in so long ago . Everyone there had hated him as well . The other Champions were his only solace . They spent every evening training on various things . Their showed him some of the magic that they knew and Harry walked them through some of the fighting styles that he had learned from a family friend from Japan of his fathers . Harry wondered if anything else was going to go wrong . Everyone was making it his or her 's business to make sure that Harry was late for every class . Monday 's Herbology was the worst because it was with Hufflepuffs . Harry started feeling like he was back in the Muggle school he had been in so long ago . Everyone there had hated him as well . The other Champions were his only solace . They spent every evening training on various things . Their showed him some of the magic that they knew and Harry walked them through some of the fighting styles that he had learned from a family friend from Japan of his fathers . They had fought him at first but when he told that it could mean life or death for them they gave in . It took only one session and they told him that it helped clear their minds as well . The time of the First Task was fast approaching . Harry wasn 't scared . His father would not let him die , no matter what . One day during Potions , someone came for him . Severus kept up the ruse and tried to act like it was the last thing that he wanted to do , letting Harry out of his class . In the end , Harry took his things and went with the First Year that had been sent after him . Harry knew it had to do with the Tournament but he didn 't know why he was being pulled out of class . Surely whatever it was could be done outside of class . Colin , the First Year that pulled him out of class said it was for pictures . Harry wanted nothing to do with the pictures that were going to be put in the Daily Prophet . He hated that newspaper with a passion . They were not any better than a Muggle gossip rag . His father explained that the reason it had become that way was because they found that it sold better . They were telling people the news that sold the best not the news that was true . Harry knew that with pictures that had to be a reporter there as well . Rita Skeeter was the most notable person in the room when Harry entered it . Viktor , Cedric , and Fleur were standing in a corner talking . Harry tried to make his way quickly over to them but was stoChapter 15 : First Task AN - Sorry about not posting last night . I am in the area of hte Northeast with some very high flooding and was helping friends and family take precautions . I hope you all enjoy what I did with the First Task and with how Harry handles Ron . AN - Sorry about not posting last night . I am in the area of hte Northeast with some very high flooding and was helping friends and family take precautions . I hope you all enjoy what I did with the First Task and with how Harry handles Ron . Sleeping became a problem over the next two days . He wasn 't sure if it was nerves or not but in the morning he could never remember what he dreamed about the night before . He woke up Tuesday morning feeling the effects of not sleeping well at all . Harry had his plan fully drawn out . He was going to summon his Firebolt and use it . He knew that he could out fly most things . While the dragon would have mass , he had his speed . Harry didn 't know what the others were planning . They did know more about some things but Harry knew that simple was always better . They were keeping their strategies a secret from each other . That way things were fair . Maxime and Karkaroff wanted their two children to cheat and do whatever no matter what to win . Harry was slightly looking forward to competing later . This would prove that he can take care of himself , and that whoever his father was it didn 't matter . The urge to leave was becoming stronger and Harry hoped that coming out of this task would stamp out the urge . Classes went quickly for Harry . He was able to focus on most of the things that the teachers were talking about . He knew that the entire school was watching to see how he was . Waiting for him to crack under the pressure . He knew that he wouldn 't though . He was tougher than most gave him credit for and those who were waiting for him to crack really didn 't know him that well . Finally the time came . McGonagall came for him and gave him a nice speech . They had to endure a speech from Bagman and then they pulled small replicas of the dragons out of a bag . Fleur chose first and got the Welsh Green , Viktor chose the Chinese Fireball , Cedric the Swedish Short - Snout , and finally , Harry chose the Hungarian Horntail . Harry looked at his new friends and saw that they were worried . He could tell that it waChapter 16 : Published AN - I am so sorry for not posting this but today is the first day in two weeks that I have been able to actually access my story . I was unable to access any of my Harry Potter fics at all . Give me a little and I will have this weeks chapter uploaded as well . I emailed Support about the problem three times and never heard anything back . I just checked each day to see if I could actually access my fics and today I could . I hope this is was worth the wait . AN - I am so sorry for not posting this but today is the first day in two weeks that I have been able to actually access my story . I was unable to access any of my Harry Potter fics at all . Give me a little and I will have this weeks chapter uploaded as well . I emailed Support about the problem three times and never heard anything back . I just checked each day to see if I could actually access my fics and today I could . I hope this is was worth the wait . Harry went to class like normal . Nothing much changes except now no one glared at him , they just stared . He could tell that some were upset and he was pretty sure he knew why , his beating of the Dragon was so simple . Harry used what he knew , his broom for flying and his mind for finding the easiest way to do something . The others got hurt and Harry hadn 't had a thing happen to him . He was the youngest ; he should have been practically killed . Fleur , Viktor , and Cedric didn 't have any problems with how it all went down and Harry knew that they never would . Harry wondered if on the next task he should mess up on purpose if it seemed that he was going to come out on top like that again . Even during the worst of late November and early December weather the students from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang stayed in their respective homes away from home . Harry was sure that they were offered rooms in the castle but decided that even a little of home was better than nothing at all . Harry 's classes didn 't change much and neither did his homework , other than it kept getting larger and more complex . On the side he wondered about the egg . He opened it at all hours of the day and even on the nights of a full moon and still it was the loud noise that hurt his whole body to hear . Over the Christmas holiday he vowed to look up things on eggs in the library . He wondered if the clue lay in what type of egg it was . Finally around the beginning of December his article in The Quibbler finally came out . Harry knew that it change everything . Harry received a copy of it first thing the morning that iThe Real Harry Potter ! Harry James Potter , 14 , sat down with my own daughter to answer some questions after the First Task of the Triwizard Tournament . He was tired but answered questions that she put forth to him quickly . Luna has been at school with him for three years and tells me that he is one of the nicest students there . He knows everyone by name and treats everyone equal . Harry answered several questions that burn on everyone 's minds . " I grew up with my Aunt and Uncle until they were killed . I was treated worse than a slave there . I cooked and cleaned from the age of three . Hearing that my father was a drunk and jobless . I was told on a daily basis that parents were worthless and died in a car accident . After my father rescued me from their house while it was burning , he told me the truth of who I was . I learned that I was not a freak as I had been called day to day . I learned from him how to be strong and to stand up to those who prey upon those who are weaker than they . I have studied magic so that I can protect myself . There are those who feel that I cannot chose my life . They are the ones who left me with those who would have seen me turn into someone like He - Who - Must - Not - Be - Named . I would have been cruel and hated anyone that was not like me . I could have become so much worse than him . I would have been an unknown . He - Who - Must - Not - Be - Named would have found me with them and destroyed who I was . Who knows what would have happened then . Everyone believes that he is gone but I don 't think that he is . How could have a one - year - old destroyed the worst Dark Wizard in a very long time , he couldn 't have . My father loves me and has taught me right from wrong . Whose right and wrong you will have to find out when I become a man . I have learned everything from him and I love him dearly . I know that there are those who think that my father cannot protect me but I say this . If he could not protect me , don 't you think that you would have found me by now and so wouldn 't those who put my name in the Goblet . I did not put my name in for the TChapter 17 : The Gloves Are Off After what happened in the Headmaster 's office Harry didn 't trust that incoming and outgoing mail would be safe . He wasn 't sure how he was going to get any mail from his solicitor without Dumbledore reading them . The next day he got his answer when he was given back his homework from Severus and inside was a small letter from his solicitor telling him that his father had updated him and he knew the procedure of what was to be expected . After what happened in the Headmaster 's office Harry didn 't trust that incoming and outgoing mail would be safe . He wasn 't sure how he was going to get any mail from his solicitor without Dumbledore reading them . The next day he got his answer when he was given back his homework from Severus and inside was a small letter from his solicitor telling him that his father had updated him and he knew the procedure of what was to be expected . When Harry made it back to his room before dinner , he found that his room had been ransacked . Everyone 's things had been messed with and Seamus , Neville , and Ron were furious , Dean wasn 't back to the rooms yet . " Were they after your things ? " Neville asked with a whisper . Harry nodded his answer back . Luckily the map , cloak , and magicked bag were with him and were not found . He didn 't want to have that conversation with the Headmaster . While Dumbledore did know about the Cloak , it would better if he thought Harry hadn 't brought it with him . " Yeah , I really think that they wanted to know all my secrets and thought they would find them here . He must think that I am dumb . I think that I should start doing things with the gloves off . " " What ? " " Sorry it 's a Muggle saying . I won 't let him run me over and I will keep my eyes open . He 's an enemy on my list and will be treated as such . There is so much he could have done to protect me , " whispered Harry to Neville and Ron . He was mad . He was supposed to be safe here . Harry looked around and saw that Seamus was not paying attention to them . Harry moved his wand and muttered a cleaning spell . Everything in the room went back to where it was supposed to be . Seamus looked at him and gave him a grin and giant thumbs up . Harry grabbed Neville and Ron and pulled them out of the rooms . Harry kept his bag on him . He wasn 't going to ever not have it on him in one way or another . " I need your help . I need you two to come with me . First , though we need to get Hermione . She 'll enjoy this a lot . " Neither of the other two boys said a thing . They just followed HarrChapter 18 : Other Views AN - Thank you everyone for sticking around . My wrist and life are doing a lot better . I am posting this today and then in a little under two weeks I will publish a new chapter . I will try to keep the schedule of posting every other Friday until I see if I can go back to my every Friday schedule . I hope you enjoy this chapter . AN - Thank you everyone for sticking around . My wrist and life are doing a lot better . I am posting this today and then in a little under two weeks I will publish a new chapter . I will try to keep the schedule of posting every other Friday until I see if I can go back to my every Friday schedule . I hope you enjoy this chapter . Draco looked back and forth between his Godfather and his best friend . He didn 't understand most of what was going on but he knew that it had to do with Harry 's safety and he would do anything to keep Harry safe . Draco knew that Harry didn 't look at him like he looked at Harry . Draco saw what was forming between Astoria and Harry . Astoria had talked to him about it on several occasions . Just to make sure that he was fine with it . She thought that he still held affection for her in that way and he didn 't . He could only see himself happy with one person and that was Harry . He wanted to be in Harry 's life and he didn 't care how . As the best friends or the one that Harry loved . Draco was brought from his musing at Harry 's laugh . " You should have seen his face when I told him that Sirius and Remus were lovers and had been for many years . Fudge nearly choked . That a Pure Blood like Sirius would take up with a werewolf . I am sure that in the next few years , we will see the laws cracking down on the half - breeds as they call them . Luckily though , Sirius has enough money to keep Remus in is Wolf 's Bane potion and neither of them will ever have to work a day in their lives . There is a Black Family estate in France , somewhere , that if things get too bad here in England , they can go live there in peace . " " So you could go live with them if it all came down to it ? " Hermione asked with a frown looking at Severus . " We wouldn 't have to the Potter family has estates in many countries and Harry is the Heir and would have access to them . Our main residence is not in England either . " " You said that the gloves were off , Harry . What did you mean ? " Neville wanted to change the subject because he was wondering about Harry cChapter 19 : Harry 's Inner Circle Forms The Yule Ball fast approached and with it new and interesting things . Winky was found to be part of the kitchen staff , of sorts . Dobby was settling into the school in his new job with zeal . Harry often wondered how it escaped Dumbledore 's notice that Dobby was not a free elf . He had to be too focused on other things and letting others slip through his fingers . The Yule Ball fast approached and with it new and interesting things . Winky was found to be part of the kitchen staff , of sorts . Dobby was settling into the school in his new job with zeal . Harry often wondered how it escaped Dumbledore 's notice that Dobby was not a free elf . He had to be too focused on other things and letting others slip through his fingers . Harry thought long and hard about whether to take Astoria to the ball as his partner . McGonagall had already cornered him after class to brief him on what was to be expected of him at the Ball . His father had given him simple dance lessons over the time that he had lived with him . Mainly they had been for later in life , Severus had said but he was glad now that he had been given them . Ron had already asked Hermione and Neville and Ginny were going . The whole of the school was pairing off and it made Harry smile at some of the pairings . There were still those who didn 't have partners . They made it seem worse than fighting a Horntail . Draco and several other male Slytherin 's were the talk of the school . They were going with another male was the rumor . Harry wasn 't sure about it and he didn 't have a way to contact the young Malfoy . It was still unsafe for them to be seen on friendly terms . Harry wasn 't sure if it was more unsafe for him or for Draco . Hermione busted into the common room one night late . She was gasping for breath so hard that it took nearly five minutes for her to actually get enough air in her lungs to speak . " Fleur is taking Roger Davies to the Ball . Cedric is taking someone named Cho Chang and Viktor is taking … Malfoy to the ball . " Ron who had been taking a sip of a cup of Pumpkin Juice spit it all over Harry . Harry just looked up at her in shock . Everyone in the Common Room turned to look at her . " Whom did you hear this from ? " " Malfoy and Viktor themselves . They were in the library talking . Cedric and Fleur were with them . I was surprised you weren 't with them . " " I decided to miss tonight to help Ron with Potions homework . But I think that I will Chapter 20 : Ball Time , Yule Tides Christmas morning came up on Harry quickly . His inner group had met one other time to pick Harry 's brain on his childhood and what it was like to be raised by Severus Snape . Harry knew that most of the Hogwarts students had never seen a nice side to him . It mystified all of them and the two from other schools just wanted to know how they had kept the secret for so long , given that Snape was right there under Dumbledore 's eyes . There had even been a few spells that were discussed and they promised to meet again to help the two younger students with spells . Christmas morning came up on Harry quickly . His inner group had met one other time to pick Harry 's brain on his childhood and what it was like to be raised by Severus Snape . Harry knew that most of the Hogwarts students had never seen a nice side to him . It mystified all of them and the two from other schools just wanted to know how they had kept the secret for so long , given that Snape was right there under Dumbledore 's eyes . There had even been a few spells that were discussed and they promised to meet again to help the two younger students with spells . Harry 's free nights when he wasn 't doing homework , he spent going over the golden egg . It was a mystery to him and he didn 't know how to understand what ever the eggs message was in all that high pitched screaming . He knew that he would crack it and he still had around two months to do it but he wanted to make a great headway into it over the Christmas holidays . Harry had his normal amount of presents for Christmas . He saw that Mrs . Weasley had sent his two packages , probably a sweater and some homemade treat . There was a present from Sirius and another from Remus . There was a small package that Harry didn 't recognize the writing of until he picked it up it was from Dobby . Harry smiled and opened it up . Inside was a pair of socks . Harry could tell that Dobby had made them himself . Harry look at the one that had Snitches on it and other that had broomsticks . Harry pulled off the socks he currently wore and put them on . Later he would put on the sweater that Mrs . Weasley had made for him . He got a book from Hermione that was about Quidditch teams from Ireland and England . Ron got him some Dungbombs . Sirius 's was a penknife that could undo any lock or knot . Hagrid 's was a giant amount of candy , all of which were ones that Harry liked . Then there were the presents from his father . The first was a small bag of gillyweed . Harry wondered what that was for . His potion kit was still pretty full of it . He promised to look up the uses of it the first chance that he got . ThereChapter 21 : Matters of the Heart " It 's not screaming . " Draco said as he turned his whole body to look into the sink . He was right . It wasn 't screaming . They could hear a song coming from it . A thought came to him . " Harry , its Mermish . Above ground it doesn 't sound right but underwater it does . You need to get underwater to hear it right . " " It 's not screaming . " Draco said as he turned his whole body to look into the sink . He was right . It wasn 't screaming . They could hear a song coming from it . A thought came to him . " Harry , its Mermish . Above ground it doesn 't sound right but underwater it does . You need to get underwater to hear it right . " " I can 't speak Mermish . " " I am sure that it is actually in English under the water . I know how to get into the Prefect 's bath . It the fourth door to the left of the statue of Boris the Bewildered on the fifth floor . When you leave here today , you can go there and try it out . " " I should go now . Who knows what its going to give me to do . " Harry started to gather his things . Draco put his hand on Harry 's to stop him . " I am not running . I just have to protect myself . Given what is going on , I have to know all that can . " " I know that you do . I will watch my map . If you want me or want to talk to me , come here . I will do the same . This can be our room . Our secret place . " " This is why you put aside your marriage to Astoria . You have . . . " " Only seen you in my future . " " Your father knows this and he still doesn 't care . " " Malfoy 's tend to love for life . Once we find that love , there is not much that can stop it . That is why my father has never truly gone over to the Dark Lord . Her love for him and the love they had for me . " xXxXxXxThe other Champions were found in the Room of Requirement , practicing spells . Their eggs were sitting on a table in the corner of the room . Harry smiled . It seemed he was the first to figure it out . Harry watched them for a few moments before he let them know that he was there . It wasn 't until Viktor looked at him that Harry thought about what had happened between him and Draco in the bathroom . " So why did you take young Malfoy to the Ball ? " Cedric asked . " I was not taking any of the people from my school . I was also not going to take any young girl from Hogwarts . I am famous and I know what some girls will go to just to have a man from power on their arm . Draco found that he really wasn 't interested in anChapter 22 : Second Task With them figuring out they were going into the lake to get something , each champion split off on their own to figure out that meant they were going to use to actually survive the water . Harry had no clue what his friends were choosing but Harry was at a loss . He had thought of the Bubble - Head charm . Harry hated the charm though . He could never get used to the quality of air inside of it and still he couldn 't produce one that lasted a long time . He didn 't want to have to cast it again once under the water . He was sure that it would be dangerous to try . Turning his head into an aquatic animal was completely out of the question . He didn 't know what he was going to do but it took him all of January and most of February to even admit he needed help to Ron and Hermione . One night , not being able to sleep , Harry went walking around the castle under his cloak . He knew that it wasn 't safe but he had to . He saw two things that night that sent his mind reeling . First was the fact Moody never seemed to sleep . He walked the halls all night long . Also Moody 's eye could not see him under his cloak . Harry wondered why because it seemed that it could see through everything else . The second thing was when he was in the dungeon and found his father 's storeroom wide open . Harry peeked inside and saw that things had been taken . Severus came out just seconds later and found it open and looked inside . He quickly put the items back to order and counted it all . Harry knew that his father had just restocked his stores cause he was also sent some new things for his potions kit . He knew what his father liked to keep on hand and how much . It was only a few things that were gone and those items were used for Polyjuice Potion . Severus started looking around and Harry pulled out his map . Whoever had done it was no longer in the halls . There were only five people out of place other than himself . Moody , Filch , Dumbledore , Flitwick , and Severus . Harry stopped in his tracks . Moody . Could he be the one doing all of this ? Harry stopped folloChapter 23 : Revealed and Imprisoned That night when Harry finally got to go to his room and stay for the night , he set his beetle on the nightstand . He lay down in his bed and looked at it for a while . It acted strange . It didn 't fly around the jar . Just stayed on the leaf or the stick that he had placed in the jar . It was also almost always facing him . It didn 't eat any of the items Harry placed in the jar . Instead it just sat there . Before going to sleep that night just on the off chance something was to happen , Harry placed an unbreakable charm on the glass . The markings under the antennae were familiar but he didn 't know where he had seen them before . He dreamed that night but couldn 't remember what of the next morning . He could only remember gravestones . He brushed the dream aside and instead focused on a little of his schoolwork . He hadn 't had classes yesterday but he did have a little studying he had to do for a quiz that afternoon . He was almost done reading when the rest of the boys of his dorm finally started waking . Harry packed his school bag and then went down to the common room . Thinking about the day before and the fact that Percy had had to fill in for Crouch , made Harry wonder . He took out his writing materials and penned a letter to the young man . He asked if Percy had actually spoken to Crouch in person since Christmas . Just before heading out to go to the Great Hall for breakfast , Harry remembered his pet . He raced up the stairs and checked on the beetle . It was fine and still sitting on the stick in the jar . Harry patted the jar and added a little bit more of the food items Hermione said that it would eat . Some of the other food in the jar was gone . Harry was happy that it was eating . At breakfast , Hermione poured all over The Daily Prophet and barely ate . Harry thought that it was strange . Hermione always ate , no matter what , even if she needed to study for a test . " Hermione ? " " There is nothing about the Second Task in here from Rite Skeeter . She has covered this thing so much and loves to write about you . This is strange . " " Who knowChapter 24 : Madness Harry 's life calmed down until he decided one day to visit Dobby in the kitchens with Ron and Hermione . What Harry found when he got to the basement shook him to his core . There was an Elf sitting on a stool beside the fireplace . Harry immediately went over to her . She was drunk and based on the bottles around her , he knew why . " Hello , what is your name ? " Harry touched her leg gently . She was too thin . " Winky , Master Wizard , Sir . " She hiccuped as she talked and with her accent it was hard to understand her on some words . " Why are you here ? " " My Master needs me and he let me go . " " Who is your Master ? " " Mr . Bartemius Crouch , SR , Sir . " " Why did he let you go ? " " I was a bad Elf , Sir . " " What did you do ? " " I was a bad Elf . " " Winky , did you know that Mr . Crouch has stopped coming here to the castle for the event ? " " He had stopped coming ? What is wrong with him ? " " All we know is that he is ill . " " Master needs his Winky ! " " Winky , your Master needs help . We can only give him that help if you tell us what is going on . " " I will never betray my Master . " " Winky , you need help . What if I promise that you will be taken care of and that you won 't have to speak at all of your master ? " " You would do that for me ? " Winky asked . Harry nodded at her . She looked over at Dobby . " Harry Potter will take good care of you . " " I would like that . " Winky stood up on unsteady feet and hiccuped . Harry smiled at her . " You need to come with us to the Room of Requirement . " " Dobby can take you there quickly . He stepped forward and held out his hands to Harry and Ron . Ron pulled Hermione into his arms and Harry picked up Winky . They appeared outside of the Room of Requirement and the doors opened quickly for them and they all rushed inside . Harry set down Winky on a chair that was there . It was soft and there was a small change of clothes perfect for Winky on a stand beside the chair . " Winky , do you think that you could put these on ? " Harry asked . Winky nodded and everyone turned away while she changed . She cleared her throat when she was done . Harry turned back . She was dreChapter 25 : Who 's After Me ? Arriving in Potions class that week for the first time , Harry knew that his father was not getting any sleep . Severus was mean and grumpy for the first time ever . The only good thing was that the Slytherins were getting on his nerves just as much . His first act was to pair every Slytherin with a Gryffindor . Draco was paired with Harry and the banter ensued between them . They still managed create the perfect potion in the allotted time which was well before class was over . " You may both leave . I don 't want to deal with you . " Severus didn 't even look at them when they set down their vials . They both rushed to their table and cleaned up their cauldron and packed their backpacks . Draco pulled out his map and then nodded at Harry . They were going to meet in bathroom . Potions was Harry last class and he was sure it was the same for Draco . They had both escaped with no homework in Potions and the only thing Harry had to do was write and six inch essay on some war for Binns . Harry arrived at the bathroom first . He left the door propped open enough for Draco in his ferret form to come in . About a minute later , Draco did come in . He changed back to human form and before Harry could say anything , he kissed him . The force of the kiss nearly knocked Harry onto the ground but he finally got his legs fully under him and cupped Draco 's face . It was several minutes before Draco pulled away from the kissing . " Mother sent me a letter as well . You have truly thought that Crouch was out there ? " " Yes , Father believes it as well . He is who is behind the attack at the World Cup . He is after me . " " How can you be sure ? " " We weren 't until that letter . It was just how things were done with the Death Eaters . They never saw who was giving them the orders . Only a supposed dead person would hide who they are . " " We need to make a list of who it can be . It could be anyone in Hogsmeade . It would be so easy to Imperious a student and then have them do it . There are some memory charms that once the Imperious wears off the person can 't remember what they diChapter 26 : What 's In It ? This chapter is dedicated to Lauren , my best friend . You passed before you could read how I am going to end this . In life you were my muse and so you shall stay even after you have joined Ani in Heaven . It was after Crouch died that they noticed that they had all missed the unveiling of the Third Task . McGonagall rushed him to the Quidditch Pitch to find that there was no one there . On their way back to the castle they ran across Bagman . " We postponed it to tomorrow night . With all the action going on . We felt it would be better . I 've just come from Dumbledore . Sad day , isn 't it ? " " Potter , I think it best if you go on to the Common Room . Remember to go to the Quidditch Pitch tomorrow at nine . " McGonagall waved him off and Harry knew that she wanted to talk about something that she didn 't want him hearing . Harry walked off a ways , out of their sight and then he doubled back a little , putting on his cloak . He crept up slowly and quietly . Harry could hear them talking perfectly . " So he started just babbling ? " Bagman asked . " Poppy thinks that he just started talking , due to the stress on his body and the breaking of his mind from the Imperious Curses he had been subjected to . " " Could he have been the one to put Potter 's hand in the Goblet all those months ago ? " " We don 't know and we will never be able to ask him . He died with a lot of questions about him unanswered . " " Did he really break is son out ? " " We are working on that assumption . When they arrived to dig up the body to examine it , it was burnt . Fiendfyre . So even if he hadn 't pulled his son out , someone wants us to think that . Fudge doesn 't think much of it . Just a guard who hated Crouch and wanted to desecrate his body and that Crouch SR is just going crazy . If the Aurors hadn 't seen Nott leaving I am sure that he would have found an excuse for how Crouch had the Imperious put on him so many times and the way he had been acting . " " There are some strange things going on . I must be off . I was getting ready to head to the Hogshead when I saw you two going to the Pitch . " The sound of foot prints made Harry step off the path so that no one would run into him . He waited until he was sure that McGonagall had passed before he stepped back out and made his own way to the castle Chapter 27 : Calm Before the Storm Waking the next morning , Harry didn 't even remember the dream . He woke up feeling great . He didn 't remember taking the potion or why he had to . It was a wonderful day of classes . He even read the Daily Prophet and didn 't get upset . He noticed in an article that Bertha Jorkins was still missing in Albania . He truly wondered how someone could be lost for so long and not be found , unless they were dead . Harry was wandering the halls after his last class . There weren 't many other students in the hall . He knew that his classes ended early . Hermione was in Arithmancy and Ron was in Divination . It was Harry 's free time . " Harry , might I have a word ? " Dumbledore called from behind him . Harry turned to see that he was near the Headmaster 's office . Harry had no reason to say no and his mental defenses were at their best from the good nights sleep he had gotten . " Sure , Headmaster . " Harry followed him into the office to find that Fudge and Moody were there as well . Harry immediately touched a small stone that he carried in his pocket and said a little spell , then he pulled his hand out . Moody was looking at him but Harry didn 't act any different . " We were talking again about the night that Crouch was found . Some new information has come to our ears . It seems that Madame Maxime has been implicated in the death . " " Why ? " " Because of what she is . " " What is she ? Other than a honored diplomat from another country . " " She is a . . . half giant . " The last was whispered so low that Harry almost didn 't hear and he really wished he hadn 't . " Really ? That 's good for her . Don 't you think that if she wasn 't perfect for the job then she never would have been given the job of Headmistress of the school ? I am shocked by you , Minister , thinking that you know more about a wonderful lady who you have known for less than a year while she has been at the school for over a decade . Just because you are prejudice doesn 't mean the whole world is . Just think those twelve students she brought with her , their parents had to agree and they allowed them to come . Doesn 't Chapter 28 : Whisked Away Harry heard the whistle for the third time , everyone was in the maze now . It was anyone 's game . Harry used the Point Me spell to get his bearings . He needed to go northwest to get to the cup . Harry set off north for a while . As he went through he came across a few creatures that he just avoided by backtracking . It would lose him some time but so would fighting the creatures . There first one that he came across that he didn 't want to try to bypass was what he thought was a Dementor , in the end it was a Boggart and it was gotten rid of easy . Next was a golden mist . He entered it cautious and when his world was flipped , he quickly grabbed his glasses and held them in his hand and took a shaky step forward . The moment his foot touched the grass , his world was put back to right and he put his glasses back on . For ever ten minutes he ran into nothing at all except dead ends . He had to do the direction spell again found he was on the right track . Hagrid 's Blast End Skrewt was huge ! Harry had to wait until it was close enough that he could hit the underside of the beast before he quickly ran past it . The Impedimenta spell would not last long . Harry kept running until he ran into something that he had only ever seen and heard of in textbooks : a sphinx . It took Harry only several minutes to solve her riddle and then he was past her . When he hit the end of that part of the maze he had two choices so he used the spell again and went to the right . He was running and ran into Cedric who was running from a spider . Together they turned and started firing spells at it . Their combined strength toppled the spider quickly . They turned and could see the cup . It was there just twenty feet in front of them . On the other side of the cup coming out of the other entrance to the clearing with the cup was Viktor and Fleur . All four of them started laughing as they stepped to surround the cup . Each was starting at the other . " We take it together . We each went our own way inside and reached the Goblet at the same time . We have earned this and we Notes : They all landed in a lump again . This time though they knew that they were safe . The horrors of the graveyard were behind them . They were at Hogwarts . When they stood up they didn 't let go of each other . Cedric was on one side of Harry with Fleur on the other . Viktor was on the other side of her . They were shielding Harry . " They are safe ! " Dumbledore yelled and they finally heard the noise . They looked around . Dumbledore and many others were around them . Their faces blurred until Harry found the one that he wanted . Severus Snape stood there on the side . He rubbed at his arm and Harry knew why . The mark had to be full and dark on his arm . He knew . " He 's back . Voldemort is back . " " What 's going on ? What happened ? " Fudge demanded . Harry though looked around . There was a traitor here . Before he could say anything though , Viktor spoke up . " There is a traitor here . We were taken to a graveyard where we saw one of the darkest rituals I have ever heard of being preformed and the dark wizard that you call Voldemort was given a body again . " Screams filled the air . " The boy is in shock , " Fudge yelled . Harry felt Dumbledore tug at him but he resisted . He wasn 't letting go of Cedric and Fleur . " Get these people out of here . " Teachers cleared the area and Harry looked at them . There was only one who it could be . The one who had been so focused on Harry all year . The one he suspected all along . Harry looked at Viktor and Viktor nodded . Harry dropped Fleur 's arm and raised his wand . " Stupefy ! " Moody dropped on the ground where he was , not expecting the spell at all . " See here , Potter . Just because you just had something happen to you in the maze doesn 't mean that you can just go around stunning your professors . " Fudge raised his own wand as he spoke . " I think that you will find that this person is not Alastor Moody . I think that you will find that he is Barty Crouch Junior . Who is believed to be dead . " The teachers reacted but none faster than Severus . He rolled Moody over and pulled the flask from his hip and opened it up . He took a whiff Chapter 30 : We Are at War ! " But the map ! " Hermione stated as she sat up farther on the couch in the Room of Requirement . The whole group was there , including Severus . Discussing what had happened the night before . He had recounted his story once before for Dumbledore while they were all in the Infirmary . Now he was telling it all . " He knew . Somehow Crouch knew about it . I think that Pettigrew told him a way around it . " Harry looked over at Severus before looking down at his hands . " I lied to Headmaster Dumbledore last night . There is one part that I left out . " " What was it ? " " I used Sectumsempra on him . He didn 't like it , that was when he decided we had dueled long enough and he was going to kill me . " " That 's what that is called ? " Viktor asked . " The way his skin and robes just flayed open . It was horrible . " Fleur turned pale as she spoke the words . Harry nodded . " I 've never used it on a living person . I never want to again . " " It is a horrible spell but it is better than the Killing Curse . I am not sorry that I taught it to you , because it probably saved your life , Harry and the lives of your friends . " " I know but still . " The room lapsed into silence . It was whole new world for them . The Dark Lord was back and in a body . " We will make sure that our countries know about this . We will not let it die down , " Fleur stated with force . She stood up from her chair and hugged Harry . " You two will not be alone in this . We are with you . " " Once he finished with Great Britain and its allies , he will try and take on the world . He will find that we will not roll over and die . " Harry smiled at his friends . This was whom he would have to rely on to survive over the next few years . There were a few that were not there , the adults but he knew that he could trust them . xXxXxXxThe next few days rushed by for them all . With the death of Barty Crouch at the hands of a Dementor , there was no proof other than the word of the Champions . Fudge was not taking that as any proof . Luckily , there had been no deaths of any of the Champions . Harry shuddered when he thought of what might Series this work belongs to :
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The sound of thunder woke me up from my restless sleep . I felt around for a minute , trying to find Edward , before I realized that he wasn 't there . We 'd had a big fight that night , all because he instead on being a chauvinistic jackass . Edward made me so angry sometimes , but I always loved him , no matter what he did to me . Earlier in the day , he told me that he was taking me on a surprise trip to Forks . I 'd been wanting to go down there and revisit my old haunts . I also wanted to put flowers on my parents ' graves . Sometimes , when important stuff happened to me , I liked to tell them out loud . I knew that it was stupid , because they weren 't physically there , but it always made me feel better . Besides , I wanted to believe that although their bodies were gone , their souls were alive and could hear me . It was hard for me to revisit the painful memories , but I needed some closure . I planned on being with Edward forever , and he had already introduced me to his family . I wanted to open up a piece of my past to him . Edward had given me the night off so that we could leave early morning Friday . He told me that he rented a cabin and everything was set for our trip to my hometown . I was so excited that I had given him a very intense handjob right in his office . I loved giving Edward pleasure . It had become my new favorite pastime . It was too bad that he always had to open his mouth and ruin our perfect moments . The argument started when I asked if I could drive so that Edward could get some much needed rest . Also , I suggested that we take my Range Rover , which had been inspected by Rosalie this past week . It was only six years old , ran great - - a perfectly good vehicle . Edward demanded that we take one of his custom cars . He also demanded that he be the only one to drive . Angry that he was insisting on treating me like a damsel in distress , I refused his offer . I stood up to him and told him I would be the one driving and that we would take my car ; that didn 't go over very well . Edward - - being Edward - - lost his temper . We had a colossal argument in the middle of his office . Felix came in to see what the commotion was , but when he saw that I was poking Edward in the chest , he just smiled and went back to his station . I told Edward that I was sick of him bossing me around , and he called me a ' stupid little brat . ' I knew he didn 't mean it , but it still hurt . The minute he registered what he 'd said , he began trying to apologize . I admonished him and ran from the office . I declined his invitation to stay in the lair tonight . The kicker had been when I told him I was going to my own apartment to sleep in my own bed . When those words left my mouth , Edward 's control slipped and he went into a verbal tirade . I asked Felix to take me home . My cell phone has been buzzing all night with messages from Edward . Most of them were apologies but some were angry . I didn 't want to act like a petulant child , but Edward 's temper tantrums really pissed me off . Arguing with Edward made me feel sick . I loved him and I knew he loved me , but both of us were stubborn . He seemed to know just the right things to say that made me want to kick his ass . Soon , I heard another beep , so I leaned over to retrieve my phone from my nightstand . There were seventy missed messages . Holy Jeebus . Edward must have one of those unlimited text plans . I rifled through them all until I got to the last one . I groaned as I picked myself up out of bed . My clock said it was a little after midnight , which meant I had been asleep for almost four hours . It also meant Jasper was still at work , but I didn 't want to call him and risk a confrontation between he and Edward . Out of nowhere , my stomach started growling , so I decided to go downstairs and get something to eat . Lately , our kitchen had been neglected because Jaz and I spent so much time with our significant others . There wasn 't much in the refrigerator or cupboards . I did manage to find a large frozen pot pie I 'd made two weeks before in the back of the freezer . I put it in the oven to heat up and made hot chamomile tea . I contemplated going up to change clothes but decided against it . My blue boy shorts and pink long sleeved Valentine t - shirt would have to be enough for Mr . Cullen . My hair was a mess , so I just ran my fingers through it and let it be . Maybe I was being too hard on Edward . I knew he was so protective because of his love for me , but I didn 't want him to make me a weakling . I had always thought of myself as a strong woman . People would underestimate me because of my looks and size , but I could take could of myself . I took some self defense classes in college and I did well . Plus , I had taken care of Jasper and my dad pretty much my whole life . I may have looked like a doll , but I was not fragile . I had taken whatever life handed to me and came out swinging . I needed Edward to understand that I was capable of taking care of the both of us if need be . Unfortunately , I forgot my book upstairs , so I went to retrieve it . I smiled when I saw the end of my sexy nurse costume hanging out of my bag . I still couldn 't believe I had the courage to give Edward a lap dance . He enjoyed it and my subsequent blowjob so much so that he passed out for a minute . I was worried at first , but when I saw he was breathing regularly , I went upstairs to wait for the retaliation . I loved seeing Edward out of control for once . It was one of the most erotic experiences of my life so far . Just thinking about Edward 's mouth on me and all that chocolate made my nipples hard . I cleaned up the island the next day , but I would never be able to cook in that kitchen again without reliving my fudgy cunnilingus . He 'd been so sexy and controlling by making me his in every sense of the word . I was the one to pass out after multiple orgasms after Edward 's ministrations . I remember vaguely feeling him bathing me , but I was so blissed out and tired that I couldn 't move . Everything had almost been ruined by that blonde guy that tried to molest me . I was so happy with Edward in the restaurant before that maniac approached me . It was odd , but when he grabbed me , I hadn 't thought about my own safety . I had only thought of Edward . I didn 't want him to get into a fight where he would get hurt . Edward had taken James outside and was beating him senseless . I asked Carmen to take me outside so I could try to calm Edward down , because I knew that I was the only one that could get through to him . After James was removed , I was able to relax because I was scared he would goad Edward into killing him . Even though I had seen the violent part of Edward , I felt safe with him . I know he would protect me from anything and anyone . I would do the same for him . I would die if it meant Edward could live . He owned my life the way no other ever had . Shaking myself from my thoughts , I grabbed my book and my favorite throw and headed back downstairs . I was just about to get to the part of the book where the couple confessed their love for one another , when I heard loud banging coming from the front door . I knew it was Edward because no one else would be pounding on my door so late at night without a care for the neighbors . I made sure to check the peephole before I opened the door ; I didn 't need him to be any angrier at me . Illuminated in the light of my porch was my lover . He was standing there with flowers and chocolates in his hands . He was also wet from the torrential rain that was blowing outside . His gorgeous green eyes were so dark they were almost black . He didn 't say anything as he muscled his way into my apartment . His long - sleeved green tee was molded to his hard chest , and his jeans hugged his powerful thighs and delectable ass in just the right way . His hair was the normal messy array . He smelled like desire . I wanted him so bad I could barely stand . I automatically licked my lips , thinking of the body beneath those clothes . Before I could articulate a single sentence , he lunged for me . I watching him put the beautiful flowers and candy on the mail table . My sexual haze didn 't allow me to even process what kind of flowers and chocolates they were . Suddenly , Edward picked me up and carried me into the living room . He laid me down on the couch as his body crushed mine while he leaned down to kiss me . His lips were rough , claiming my mouth before I could take a breath . I sucked on his tongue and we both moaned . He reached down and put one of his big hands on my lower stomach . I jumped because of the electricity his touch created . Next , he snaked his hand up my shirt until his fingers grazed my breast . When he realized I didn 't have on a bra , he growled . The next thing I felt was him trying to take my shirt off . Of course I sat up to give him easier access . After my shirt was discarded , I wanted the same for Edward . He must have read my mind because he stood up and took off his clothes . He removed everything except his sexy as hell red boxer briefs . His erection was poking through . I moaned and reached up to play with my own breasts . I pictured Edward on them instead , and got quite wet in the process . With that , he attached his mouth to my left breast . The sensation was so amazing that it caused my toes to involuntarily curl . He took the whole breast in his hand and squeezed it hard . I bucked right into his groin and he bucked into me a little . He licked out his tongue and bathed my nipple in his sweet saliva . I was whimpering loudly , but he continued to tease me . He licked the underside of my breast before returning to the top . Finally , he took my other nipple into his mouth . I reached up and tangled my hands in his soft copper hair . " Mmmh , Edward … feels amazing . " My voice sounded rough even to my own ears . He stopped long enough to look down at me . His expression held so much love and apology that I gasped . Slowly , he took my other nipple into his mouth and gave it the same treatment . When I felt Edward 's teeth nip lightly around the nipple , I almost came from the sensation . He moved back up my body . His mouth latched onto my neck and he bit and sucked until I began to cry out , which made him stop to glance down at me with a mixture of pleasure and apprehension in his eyes . " Babydoll , can I try something ? I promise it won 't hurt , and we can stop if you want to . " I was so aroused that I had lost my ability to speak . I could only nod because I would never deny Edward any carnal pleasures he could take from my body . Edward pulled me up off of the couch . He kicked his boxers off and pulled my flimsy boy shorts off my hips . We were now both completely naked . I was beyond wet and standing there grinning like an idiot . I could feel the moisture sticking to my inner thighs . Edward 's eyes fastened on that wetness as he leaned forward and kissed my bellybutton . " Come here , Bella . I want to try a new position with you . I need you to lower yourself on my face . " I blanched because I knew what he wanted . I had read lots of sex books in that college class and was very familiar with the sixty - nine position . From what I had seen , it looked intimidating . I put a large blanket down on the floor . Edward smiled and laid down on one of my fluffy body pillows . I straddled his chest with my knees on either side . I didn 't sit fully , I just squatted down . " Turn around , Bella . " I turned so my back and buttocks were facing Edward 's head . I was still squatting and blushing so hard that my face could have caught fire . Edward reached up and scooted me back until I was right over his mouth . I squealed when he gave my buttocks a bite . I was just about to get up when he positioned my dripping core over his mouth . I lost all thought because it felt so good . His long wet tongue slid inside of me and I whined . It was the best feeling in the world . At this angle , I could really feel his tongue sliding over my inner walls . His nose hit my clit several times , and his long fingers were working magic inside of me . I felt my body tensing up . In front of me was Edward 's long , thick , and throbbing manhood . I leaned down and took a hold of his shaft , putting it in my mouth . I felt Edward groan around my core . His fingers sped up to match the rhythym of my suckling . He bit my clit and I exploded , screaming his name . He waited for a minute for me to calm down before he continued his glorious licking and suckling . I gripped the head of Edward 's erection hard . He stilled for a minute and then continued stroking me in that lazy way that drove me crazy . In return , I licked the long vein that ran down Edward 's penis . Seeing that he liked that , I increased the pressure of my tongue . Edward thrust into my mouth . I was riding his tongue , loving the feel of it sliding over my sensitive core . I sucked Edward down my throat and then took him out again . His organ was huge , so it wouldn 't all fit in my mouth . I took as much of him as I could before I felt myself gagging . My eyes began to water . I could barely breathe , but I wanted to keep Edward down my throat for as long as I could . When I couldn 't take anymore , I released him completely so that I could take in some much needed oxygen . When I got myself under control , I went back to sucking Edward . He was throbbing and I could see the tip leaking pre - cum , which let me know he was close . I sucked the head into my mouth and swirled my tongue around the very top . Edward 's strong hips were pushing up into my mouth with every stroke . I was close , but I wanted him to come with me this time . I sucked him down my throat one last time . I also cupped his balls while sliding my nails down his shaft . At that same moment , he curved his fingers up inside of me and I came again . I felt Edward 's hot cum hit my mouth a second later . I tried to swallow it all , but some of it escaped my lips because I was panting so hard from my last orgasm . My bones felt like jelly , so I just collapsed on top of Edward , feeling the electricity sear my skin . My cheek was resting on his muscled thigh and my hair covered him like a blanket . I let the orgasm overtake me for a few more minutes before I sat up . Edward eased me back down to his chest . I managed to maneuver my legs over him so that I could sit beside him . I looked over at his face and he was smiling . His nose and lower jaw were covered in my wetness . The sight caused me to blush , but Edward just chuckled . He wiped some of my juices off his nose , bringing one finger into his mouth and licking it . Eventually , I shook myself out of my stupor so that I could pull Edward upstairs . We showered together in my much smaller bathtub . He put special effort into cleaning my nether regions and buttocks . I gave him a soapy handjob and he came again . After about an hour , we managed to get out of the bathroom . I put on another one of my boy short and cami sets . This one was dark blue . Edward must have liked it a lot because I had to fight him off of me before he went to his car to get his overnight bag . He returned , putting on a fresh pair of boxers and some J - Crew pajama pants , but he left his chest bare , just the way I liked it . After he finished , Edward came up behind me and snaked his hands around my waist . " I love you , babydoll . I 'm so sorry for yelling . I loved having your tight pussy in my mouth . I can 't wait to have all of you . " I blushed and put my hands over Edward 's . " Thanks for apologizing , Edward . I loved … what we did , too . " He squeezed me tighter and kissed my forehead . We went back downstairs so that we could eat the chicken pot pie . Edward went to the foyer to get my flowers and chocolates . When he came back , he was holding a gorgeous bouquet of sunflowers in a beautiful crystal vase . He looked nervous standing there , holding the gifts out to me . " Sunflowers signify adoration or some shit . You are my sun , thus you deserve these . I don 't know anything about this pansy ass shit , so thank Alice next time you see her . She picked out the flowers and vase . " I kissed him on the cheek and took the flowers . The candies were Godiva strawberry covered chocolates - - my favorites . I took one out of the box and ate half . I fed the other half to Edward . He took both the candy and my finger into his mouth . A shudder ran through my body . In the kitchen , I went to the oven to take out the pot pie . I could hear Edward making humming noises as I bent and reached . I loved the fact that he found me attractive . The food smelled delicious . I plated up two large helpings and grabbed one of Jasper 's imported beers . I poured the drink into a glass filled with ice . I took a seat across from Edward and began to eat . I couldn 't keep my eyes off of him . The fork going in and out of his mouth made me think of his tongue on my clit . I shifted my legs at that thought . His Adam 's apple bobbed as he swallowed . A piece of his soft bronze hair fell forward and I wanted to reach out and touch it . He was so sexy that just seeing him enjoy a simple meal made me wet . " Bella , why aren 't you eating ? " I looked down at my forgotten fork . I couldn 't stop the color that rose to my cheeks . Edward winked at me and went back to his dinner . After three helpings , he put his fork down and reached across the table for my hand . " Babydoll , I love you more everyday . It made me sick to think about you here alone tonight . I need you , Bella . You erase the darkness in my life and make me truly happy . " His honest words brought tears to my eyes . My fingers traced small circles around his hand . " Edward , I love you , you know that . I just want you to treat me fairly . I only want to drive so that you can get some rest . You 've been working a lot lately , and I 'm worried about you . " He had a lot of money and employees , so there was a huge demand on his time . I just wanted to take care of my man . " Don 't worry , babydoll . I 'm fine as long as you 're with me . You win , I 'll let you drive on one condition : we take one of my cars . Is that okay ? " I nodded . He came around the table to pick me up , and then , we hugged and kissed passionately in the middle of my cozy kitchen . Eventually , we separated . I cleaned up and put everything away . I let Edward help me load the dishwasher , even though he didn 't exactly know how to do it . He explained that they always had maids growing up , so he and Ali weren 't great with domestic chores . I thanked him for trying , gave him a slice of blueberry pie , and kicked him out . I just hummed and crawled into his arms . " Goodnight , Edward . I love you , too , even when you are being a jackass . " He smacked me on the bottom and laughed . Minutes later , Edward 's steady heartbeat lulled me to sleep . When I woke up , there was a note next to me stating that Edward had gone out to pickup the car and his luggage . I took out my carry - on bag and began to fill it with various items . Since we would only be gone one weekend , I only packed the necessities . I included one pretty dress because Edward would probably want to go out to a nice restaurant . The rest of the clothes consisted of my comfy sweaters , flannels , and jeans . Forks was not as dressy as Seattle , because it was such a small town . The people were laid back and pretty much dressed like modern day lumberjacks . I carried my bag downstairs and put it by the front door . After that , I packed some date bars and other food for Edward and I to eat in the car . Depending on traffic , it would take us between three and a half to four hours to get to Forks . I was excited about driving because I don 't get to do it much - because of Edward . I hoped that the car Edward chose wouldn 't be too ostentatious . His Rolls Royce Phantom still made me nervous ; I saw the way people looked at that car . Guys would stop in traffic just to take a picture . I was curious so I Googled it and found out that Phantoms cost a half million dollars or more . That amount of money blew me away . I mean , I knew Edward was rich , but who spends that much on a car ? I pulled on my jacket and opened the door . Edward was standing there , wearing a gray cashmere V - neck sweater and dark jeans . The rest of his outfit consisted of Timberland boots and a gray and blue scarf hanging around his neck . As usual , he looked utterly delectable . I took time to thoroughly kiss him before we went down the porch steps . My legs stopped working when I saw what was sitting outside . In our driveway was one of the biggest SUVs I had ever seen . I didn 't know enough about cars to know what it was , so I asked Edward . The behemoth in front of me was black with slightly tinted windows . It was super shiny , like it had just been freshly cleaned . Half of my high school graduating class could fit inside this car . I couldn 't move from my spot . He walked over and wrapped his arms around my waist . " Don 't worry about damaging the Hummer . You could take out almost anything on the road . I trust you , Bella . " I smiled and leaned in to hug him closer . Edward finished loading my things and helped me into car . He had to adjust the driver 's seat since I was so much shorter than him . I 'm sure it looked funny to see a petite girl driving such a large vehicle . We headed out of Seattle on the highway to Forks . Edward plugged his iPod into the car 's stereo system , and I heard the opening notes of Owl City 's Fireflies blare from the speakers . I bobbed my head to the beat and gripped the steering wheel . Being behind the wheel of the Hummer made me feel invincible , but I was still careful to drive the speed limit . He inhaled and exhaled slowly before he answered me . " Do you have to drive so fucking slow ? I would like to make it there before the weekend is over . " I couldn 't believe that he was seriously going to be this way . " I am driving the speed limit . I 'm sorry that I don 't enjoy breaking the law . " Frowning , I concentrated on my driving and ignored Edward . He put his hand on my thigh . " I 'm sorry , babydoll . It 's just hard for me letting someone else be in control . I promise not to complain anymore . " I was glad that he had been honest with me and not thrown a tantrum . He caressed my cheek . That tingly feeling he always created was there , so I leaned into his palm . Before we made it out of Seattle , we stopped at a diner to get some breakfast . A blonde waitress with large breasts was flirting with Edward . She leaned down trying to give him a peek of her ample bosom . I knew not to be insecure , but a part of me was still a little jealous . Edward 's voice was cold as ice when he ordered , which was his way of letting her know he wasn 't interested . After she left , a gangly teenage boy brought out our drinks . He flirted with me a bit until he looked over and saw Edward 's face . He stumbled away a few seconds later , looking scared for his life . We both ate hash browns , bacon , and eggs . Edward said that although the food was good , it had nothing on my breakfasts . I blushed and continued eating . After we were done , the same blonde waitress came over to clear our plates . She gave Edward one last glance before returning to the kitchen . The teenage boy brought the bill , keeping his eyes to the ground the whole time . Edward and I got into a small scuffle over who would pay . I won after I pointed out the fact that Edward had already paid for the cabin and this whole weekend . He didn 't want to relent , but I gave him my puppy dog eyes , and he caved . " Fuck , Bella . You know I 'd do anything you say when you look at me like that . " I took out my wallet paid for the meal . I saw Edward eye the amount I left . I would bet that he planned to reimburse me when he got the chance . By the time we got back to the car , Edward was exhausted . He leaned his chair back so he could rest comfortably . I pulled my comfy green shamrock throw out of my bag and wrapped it around him . He looked so cute lying on the leather seats . I saw his eyes start to droop , and minutes later , he fell asleep . His long eyelashes were resting against his cheeks and his lips were in a perfect pout . Seeing him like that made me think of our children and what they might look like . I hoped that they would be like Edward , in looks at least . I drove for a little more than an hour before I had to pull over to get gas . The Hummer was definitely not a green car . I would have to make a donation to some environmental group to atone for the sin of driving a gas guzzler . I didn 't want to wake Edward up , so I pumped the gas myself . A tall blonde guy was looking over at me . I didn 't like his staring because he was doing it in a lewd manner . Unfortunately , he credit card machine was broken , so I had to go inside to pay . The gas station was pretty full . I took a place in line . The same jerk that was outside came to stand behind me . " Hey honey , you 're sexy as hell . Since you seem to know how to handle big things , I 'll bet you can handle riding my monster cock . Would you like that ? " His breath stank of beer , and he was standing too close for comfort . I turned around to tell him to back off , but before I could , a shadow fell over both of us . When I looked up , I saw the enraged eyes of my lover . Edward came to stand behind me and pulled me to his chest . He never broke eye contact with the pesky idiot as he bent down until his lips caressed my ear . " Is this asshole bothering you , babydoll ? Just say the word and I 'll kick his ass . " I didn 't want a confrontation so I shook my head . " It 's nothing I can 't handle . Besides , he was just leaving . " Edward let me go to stand directly in front of anonymous bastard . He pulled the man 's arm behind his back and twisted hard . His voice was deathly quiet as he said , " You 're going to leave this store and not look back . If you think of doing something to my car , I 'll kill you . Get the fuck out of here before I lose my fucking temper . " After that , he dropped the guys arm . The jerk scrambled from the store so fast I 'd have thought the devil was chasing him . I put my arms around Edward and hugged him . " I love you , Caveward . I can take care of myself , but you going all Neanderthal is hot . " I shook my head and turned to face the front of the line . Edward and I got into an argument at the cash register when I tried to pay for the gas . Edward won this round because he flirted with the old cashier . She thought it was sweet that my ' beau ' wanted to treat me . I kept my mouth shut . When we got outside , Edward inspected the Hummer . Deeming it okay , he helped me into the driver 's seat . He kept sneaking glances at me as we made our way back onto the highway . " What did that asshole say to you , babydoll ? " Shoot , I didn 't want to tell him that . " Um , he just came onto me . He said something about me driving a big car so I would know how to handle his … manhood . " Edward let out a litany of profanity before he was able to calm down . " It 's okay , Edward . I 'm a woman . There 's always some jerk that will come onto me . I 've been used to it since I grew breasts . " I was smiling and trying to make it seem like no big deal . " I don 't like that shit . A grown man should not throw himself at a woman who clearly doesn 't want his ass . It 's fucking pathetic . " He took out his laptop and earphones and began watching a movie . I tried to concentrate on driving the Hummer but I kept turning to look at Edward . He must have been watching a comedy because he was smiling . I loved when he was relaxed and just enjoying himself . Soon , I saw a sign that advertised a park ahead . Since it was lunch time , I figured we might as well pull in and eat . Edward turned off his movie and repacked his laptop . I told him my plan and he agreed . I parked near some trees and we got out of the car . Because it was wet , we just lifted the back of the Hummer and sat there . I set our blanket and pillows up so we would be comfy . Then , I opened a container filled with ravioli and gave it to Edward . When I pulled out my homemade garlic bread , Edward almost went into a coma . I loved watching him eat my cooking . After we finished , I gave him the date bars that I packed . He loved those , too and ate almost half the container . We walked around the park a little bit and fed the ducks some scraps . There were a few families out , but it was too wet to do much . Edward and I returned to our car and continued our road trip . He was distracting me by twirling a piece of my hair and giving me googly eyes . Eventually , he stopped and tried to take another nap . He had grown fond of my blanket so he wrapped it around himself . The next time I looked over , he was snoring lightly . I giggled and went back to driving . I stopped at one more gas station before we made it to our destination . Luckily Edward slept through that fill up and the credit card machine worked , so I didn 't have to go inside . When we entered Forks , Edward woke up and yawned . He smirked and leaned over to kiss my cheek . " I could never hate any place that raised my babydoll . " He always knew just the right thing to say . I saw lights in the mirror and realized we were about to be pulled over by the police . I checked to make sure I had been doing the speed limit - - I had , so I wondered why we were being stopped . Edward sat up in his seat and looked behind us . I was scared that he might lose his temper on a cop and get arrested . Suddenly , someone knocked on the driver 's side window . I opened my door to step out as Edward tried to grab my arm . Before I could ask the officer what the problem was , I was picked up off the ground and enclosed in a pair of strong arms . I looked up to see that it was Jacob , one of my high school friends , hugging me . I let out a relieved sigh and hugged him back . Unfortunately , I forgot about Edward . He was out of the car in a flash . Jacob was huge , but Edward pulled me out of his arms . He didn 't even glance at me before he punched Jake in the nose . There was blood everywhere . My boyfriend stopped long enough to gape at me . He looked angry and a little hurt . I helped Jacob up and went to the car to get a rag and cold water . I wet the cloth and tried to clean Jake up . Edward was leaning on the Hummer brooding while Jacob gave him the death eye . " Jake . This is Edward Cullen . He 's my boyfriend . I assure you he meant no harm . He 's just protective , and he thought you were hurting me . I promise that it won 't happen again . " Edward turned his angry glare on me . " Jake ? Did you date this fucker , Bella ? Is he an old boyfriend ? " I squeezed my fists because Edward was trying really hard to piss me off . " No , Jake is my friend . His dad and my dad used to fish together before … " I broke off unable to finish the sentence that would end with mentioning my father 's death . Jacob put one of his massive arms around my shoulders , trying to calm me down . He was sending Edward the most evil look known to man . Edward did have the sense to look ashamed . He walked over and removed Jake 's arm from my shoulder . Jacob hesitated for a minute but then let me go . Edward took my hand . " Babydoll , I 'm so fucking sorry . I shouldn 't have said that . Please forgive me . " He picked me up and cradled me to his chest before setting me back down . Jake took in the gentle way Edward held me and his shoulders relaxed . He told me that he recognized me in the Hummer , and that was why he pulled me over . I decided that he should follow us to Sue Clearwater 's diner so that we could catch up and grab some coffee . Edward looked like I had just keyed his car , but he agreed . We pulled in front of the diner and went inside . Jake and I stopped to talk to some of the townsfolk . Edward got plenty of admiring and suspicious glances , so I introduced him as my boyfriend . Since I had such a great reputation in town , they accepted Edward without too many questions . We took a booth and my lover sat next to me . Jake sat on the other side . We ordered coffee and pie and sat around talking . Our coffee came by way of Seth Clearwater . I motioned for him to put the coffee pot down so I could give him a hug . I had been babysitting Seth since he was four . He was so tall now , but he still had his baby face . He picked me up off the ground and squeezed me . He glanced at the table and put his body between mine and Edward when he saw the rage in Edward 's eyes . " It 's okay , Seth . This is my boyfriend . " I introduced them and Edward relaxed . I was getting so sick of Caveward . I hoped that I wouldn 't run into any more men today . Jacob snorted . " So he took advantage of you ? Bella , he 's your boss for Christ 's sake . " Edward pounded on the table causing several patrons to look our way . Jake was skating on thin ice . " Um … no . Edward just happens to be my boss . He did not take advantage of me in any way . Please don 't say stuff like that , Jake . You know no one can make me do anything . " Both Edward and Jake agreed with that , nodding their heads in unison . Jake was now an officer for the Forks Police Department . We reminisced about old times we spent together . Edward went off when he found out I used to ride motorcycles with Jake . After he calmed down , Jake told us that he was dating Leah Clearwater and that they were happy . We made a few more jokes , and then Jake had to leave . I stood up to hug him goodbye and we made plans for him and Leah to come visit me in Seattle . He gave Edward a curt nod before exiting . I was watching his retreating form walk out of the diner when Edward interrupted me . I kissed the back of Edward 's hand . " Jake was just my older friend . He was like another big brother to me . We did kiss once … " Edward 's fist started balling up " . . . but we decided to just stay friends . Our relationship was strictly platonic . " We finished our coffee and Edward paid the bill . This time he insisted on driving . I was in no mood to argue so I let him . Before long , we pulled up to a large cabin with wood stacked out front . It had beautiful windows that faced the forest . I could see some beautiful wildflowers growing out front . I had never hung out on this part of Forks . The cabin looked fairly new , so it was probably built after I left . The house sat on a large portion of land and there were no neighbors nearby . Of course , Edward wouldn 't let me help carry any bags in , so I took a tour of the cabin . There were five large bedrooms , a den with a large plasma TV , a state of the art kitchen , and three large bathrooms . There were also glass doors that led to a backyard that had a huge hot tub . Everything was beautiful , but it was too big . We were only two people here for one weekend . After he was done unloading the bags , Edward came to stand beside me . " How do you like it , babydoll ? It 's supposed to be the most luxurious cabin available for rent . " I intertwined mine and Edward 's fingers and glanced up at him . " I love it . It 's so big , but it 's perfect . " He leaned down to kiss me . We broke apart before the kissing turned into more . I knew it was time for me to do the dreaded task . " Edward , I 'm ready to go to the graveyard now . You don 't have to come with me if you don 't want to . " He hugged me to his chest and kissed my brow . " Of course I 'm coming with you . I 'm always here for you . I love you . " I felt relieved . I was prepared to go by myself but knowing that Edward would be by my side would make the journey bearable . Edward went out to start the car while I changed . When I got outside , he was standing by the passenger door waiting to help me inside . He copped a feel as he lifted me into my seat . I just blushed and giggled . The drive to the cemetery was quiet . I was thankful because I was in no mood to talk . We parked in the visitor 's space and walked to the plots that belonged to my parents . I was feeling emotional today , so when I saw Renee and Charlie 's gravestones , I broke down . Deep sobs came out of my throat . Edward was holding me and trying to shush me , but I couldn 't stop . Seeing my parents ' graves hadn 't affected me like that since I turned eighteen and came to tell them goodbye . Edward sat down on the ground between the plots and pulled me onto his lap . " Don 't cry , angel . I can 't stand to see you cry . Please , Bella . I 'm here and I love you . " I could feel Edward 's heartbeat speed up . I knew my breakdown was freaking him out , so I reigned in my emotions . Edward went through my purse until he found some tissues . He handed one to me and watched as I wiped my eyes . I probably looked horrible , but he leaned in to give me a gentle kiss . I managed to smile in return . We put flowers on the graves and I introduced them to Edward . I left out all the stuff about him being a mobster because I didn 't want Charlie 's law abiding soul to start haunting Edward . I told my parents about all that had happened since I was here last . It felt good to clear the air and let go of my past . We stayed in the graveyard for a little over an hour . Edward never left my side or let go of my hand . He offered to have my parents moved to a private crypt in Seattle , but I declined . Charlie and Renee had both loved Forks , and this was where they would want to be . Oddly , I felt high after we left the graveyard . I wanted to do something exciting and reckless . I looked over at Edward , but he was concentrating on driving , staring straight ahead . He looked worried . " Babydoll , are you sure you don 't want to rest ? You drove here and you haven 't had a nap all day . " He raised his eyebrow at the ' lover ' part . I knew I had him when I heard him let out an exasperated sigh . " Fuck . Okay , but when we get to the cabin , I 'm going to have my way with you . " The thought of Edward 's hands on my body almost made me want to cancel our trip . Edward put on his iPod and I started bouncing in my seat . " Calm down , babydoll . We 'll be there soon . " Smiling , I took my seat belt off and reached over the console to stroke Edward 's junk . He let out a loud hiss asI giggled . " Bella , you 're playing with fire here . I 'm trying to drive . " I winked at him and went back to staring out my window . He pulled into the parking lot and we walked into the store . Surprisingly it was full of customers . There were huge dildos and vibrators of all sizes . Some of the dildos were so big that I wondered how any woman could fit it inside her vagina . Edward was familiar with almost all the products . I teased him by calling him a freak , which caused him to smack me on the butt . I knew that he was planning to make love to me on my birthday . He hadn 't given me the details yet , but I saw it in his personal calendar when I was looking for something else , but the picture of a broken cherry drawn on September thirteenth had caught my eye . I 'd laughed for hours thinking about that drawing . Edward wrapped his arm around me and nibbled on my ear . He guided me to some massage oils and let me pick out the scents I liked . I ended up with twenty different bottles - - Edward smirked . Next , he picked up some Astroglide , which I 'm sure was to be used for my first time . I had been blushing since we entered the shop , and it only got worse . A saleswoman came over to see if we needed any help . She and Edward got into a conversation about the best vibrators on the market . Edward was so sexually experienced that nothing she said embarrassed him . He kept his hand on my hip during the entire conversation . I zoned out after the word ' pussy ' was used for the fiftieth time and instead recited a Shakespearean sonnet in my head . Edward sensed my discomfort and leaned down to kiss my forehead . I let him choose the vibrator because I wasn 't an expert . He ended up choosing the Adonis . He also bought a lot of other stuff , and when the cashier rang him up , the total was over three hundred dollars . I gasped at the bill , but Edward just shrugged . We drove in relative silence because I was still trying to stop my heart from beating out of my chest . Edward , however , had a huge smile on his face as he whistled . My adventurous spirit was satiated for now . We left Port Angeles after stopping to have a steak dinner . When we got back to Forks , I wanted to go to La Push . We walked on the beach hand in hand . Edward 's large footprints beside my smaller ones left imprints in the sand . There was a full moon out , and he looked amazing in the light . He kissed me relentlessly , like he couldn 't get enough . My lips were swollen and I was as wet as the water on the beach . We couldn 't keep our hands off of each other in the car . Once inside the house , we stripped and ran for the hot tub . Edward flipped the switch , and we kissed while waiting for the water to heat . He ran to the house to get something . When he returned , he was holding my new vibrator in his hand . I blushed fire engine red . He laid a towel on the deck surrounding the tub and kissed me . His cool lips felt like heaven to my scorching hot skin . He nibbled on my hard nipples , earning several moans from me . I was writhing beneath him . " Please . . . need . . . more . " He silenced my begging with a sloppy kiss . I heard the vibrator start up as Edward inserted it into my sopping core . I screamed when I came from the simulation . Edward lowered his body onto mine . " I 'm sorry , babydoll . I probably need to turn down the vibration . " I could only moan because there were still shards of electricity shooting across my skin . He put it into me again at a lower speed . This time , I came after five minutes . Edward really enjoyed experimenting with the vibrator . He brought me to two more orgasms before I begged him to stop . " You like that , don 't you ? I promise you , my cock is better . " I couldn 't wait for Edward to be inside of me . I had begun taking birth control the week after I met him because I didn 't want to have to use a condom . I pulled him back down to me and ravaged his mouth . I did manage to give Edward a handjob . He came in record time because he was so aroused from watching me come so many times . When we could move again , he lifted us off of the ground . He had to carry me because my legs were still boneless . Once in the hot tub , I straddled Edward and put my head on his neck . I sucked and licked his collarbones , leaving him with a hickey for once . He just laughed and teased me about being possessive too . For over an hour , we made out like horny teenagers . Edward dipped us down in the water for a minute . I came up laughing and sputtering . He held me tight and squeezed my butt . I wiped some stray tears from my eyes before answering him . " I love you too , Edward Cullen . You will be my first , my last , and my only . " He gripped me tighter after those words . I was still sensitive after my multiple orgasms , but Edward began fingering me . I lowered my hand and squeezed him . We kissed and lazily worked each other until we both came . After that , Edward latched onto my nipples and suckled them until they were almost raw . I had to push him off of me . He looked embarrassed . " I 'm sorry , Bella , I just want you so bad . " " Not tonight , babydoll , but soon . Your first time is going to be something you won 't ever forget . " I kissed him roughly and pushed my breasts into his hard - planed chest . He groaned and held me closer . Edward carried me up to bed because my bones were like jelly . He laid down , spooning me . He put one hand on my naked stomach and the other was buried in my hair . We drifted to sleep together , laying on the expensive silk sheets . That night , I didn 't dream of my parents being too far away for me to reach . Instead , I dreamed of them lovingly waving at me as Edward carried me away on the beach . JennJanuary 11 , 2011 at 2 : 01 PMIt 's a good thing Bella is so stubborn . I don 't think Edward would love and respect her as much if she didn 't stand up to him and his bullshit . I just knew Caveward would appear in Forks . He should 've expected to run into some of her friends and for them to hug her etc . At least they survived Jake . The sex shop was great . I loved Edward chatting it up with the sales lady and being so knowledgeable . Yes , Bella dear , you are in very good , capable hands with Eddie : ) Yay for hot tub fun times ! ReplyDeleteMary SmithSeptember 13 , 2013 at 3 : 07 PMI 'm kinda surprised he would want to put anything other than his fingers and tongue into her before he has had her . We ARE talking about a jealous , and VERY Possessive - ward here ! LOLI do love their sneezy times . I 'm not atall surprised at the fact that Edward wasbaing a " Cave - wars " , though . . . All the friends he met so far are guys . . . ReplyDeleteAdd commentLoad more . . .
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Funny story . My friend Linsey has a cousin , who is married to a retired baseball player . Because of this , she was chosen to star in a reality show called Baseball Wives on VH1 . The first episode airs tonight at 8 : 00 pm Central time . I thinking knowing this woman is Linsey 's cousin will make the show a little more interesting for me . Linsey is the most sweet and polite southern belle I have ever met . I don 't think she has much in common with her cousin . See for yourself : The rest of the weekend was great for me . Sadly , Travis had to work all day Friday and most of Saturday . Aiden and I had it off . At the beginning of the week , I noticed that Aiden was acting really cranky and he had a little cough when he first woke up . I was checking his temperature every morning . Monday it was normal , Tuesday it was a degree high , Wednesday it was at 100 degrees . When Travis was getting him dressed , he pointed to his ear and said it was ouchy . How amazing is that ? He told us what was bothering him ! That has never happened ! In the past , we knew something was wrong because he wasn 't eating , or he was cranky , or he slept a lot . But we had to go to the doctor to figure out what it was . Sometimes we never really found out exactly what the problem was . He 's totally growing up . I 'm sure someone will frown on this . I took him to daycare that morning . I gave him ibuprofen before we left the house , but I had so much to do at work that I had to get in . I was hoping they wouldn 't call me before noon to come pick him up . I got my wish . I was able to get him after work and take him to Urgent Care . I called that morning and his regular doctor 's office was busy all day . I 'm not surprised , being that it was the day before a holiday . We waited for about two hours I think . It seemed like forever . There was a woman in the waiting room with a little boy , 3 or 4 years old I would guess . He was sleeping on a chair by the fish tank - Aiden 's favorite area . So of course every time Aiden went back there and would try to talk to me ( talk , not yell or scream ) , the mom would shush him and say , " He 's sleeping . Shhhhh . " Gah . I understand that sometimes it can seem so important that your child sleep , but geez lady . He was just saying , " Fish , Mommy ? " as he was pointing at the fish tank . I tried to keep him out of that back waiting area from then on , but I didn 't try too hard . Sure enough , Aiden had an ear infection . I 'm so happy we were able to get medication for that before the 4 - day weekend . Thanksgiving could have been a lot more difficult . So ! Friday morning , I got up BEFORE DAWN and tried out a little Black Friday shopping . It was my first time to go out the day after Thanksgiving . Honestly I was a little nervous . You always here about people getting trampled to death for a $ 10 toaster . I didn 't want that to be me . I only went to a few stores and only one of them was right at opening . Shoe Carnival opened at 5 am and gave out $ 10 off gift cards to the first 100 people . My friends and I made it in the first 100 ! Plus , they were having great shoe sales . I 've wanted to buy boots since last winter , but could never get over the guilt of such a large purchase . The cheapest boots I could find were $ 60 at Target . If you went to a department store or DSW , forget it . You 'd be spending $ 100 - 200 . As much as I want boots , I 'd rather have groceries . Back to Black Friday - I bought a pair of $ 60 brown boots ( up to my knee ) for 50 % off , plus my $ 10 off gift card . I got a pair of boots for $ 20 ! ! Can 't beat that . Totally made my morning exhaustion - caused nausea worth it . After we all made our purchases , we went to the Sephora next door . We also stopped at Walmart , but I didn 't buy anything else . I had what I wanted and was just along for the ride at that point . I was home , in bed by 6 : 45 . I had to be home by 7 because that 's when Travis leaves for work . I was sure that Aiden would wake up when I got home and I wouldn 't be able to get anymore sleep . But I was wrong ! I got to sleep in until 8 : 30 . Then Aiden climbed in bed with me and we watched Transformers . The rest of the day was pretty lazy . That evening we went to the Ramby 's for dinner . Alexa made a Thanksgiving casserole using leftovers that was absolutely amazing . She heated up some gravy that we poured on top of each serving . If I ever have enough leftovers to make that , I 'll totally be doing it in the future . Mmmmm . . . Thanksgiving was so easy going this year , it was amazing . We went over to Ariel and Robert 's house in the morning to help them clean and cook . Since it was nice out , Ariel decided to do the seating outdoors . Hostess with the mostess We ate around 4 pm , an hour later than planned . Not too bad , considering how things have gone in the past . We invited our friend Scott to dinner since he doesn 't have any family nearby . Ariel 's roommate Bettye and their friends Brandon , Blake and Christy came as well . Dinner was FANTABULOUS . I couldn 't believe it , but none of my green bean casserole was left at the end . I don 't usually feel like that 's a popular item , but apparently everyone liked it the way I made it with fresh green beans . The canned mushy green beans gross me out . I also made a new sweet potato casserole this year . I don 't generally like the sweet potato casserole , so I took control of it it this year . The bottom layer is mashed sweet potatoes , the middle layer is a pecan crumble ( basically it 's pecan pie ) and the top layer is toasted marshmallows . The toasted part was an accident , but it turned out really great . Ariel and Robert fried a turkey and roasted a turkey . The fried turkey was more firm and really hit the spot . Travis and I heated up the honey baked ham he got from his boss . It turned out really great as well . Thankfully we were able to reheat it right before the meal . Aiden LOVES Brandon . Brandon is so good with kids , so I know that helps . Aiden sat in this hammock with him for a good 20 minutes and held on while Brandon rocked the " pirate ship " . After dinner we ate pie : pecan , pumpkin and apple . I made the pecan pie because I was hell - bent on getting it right . For some reason I am only capable of making pecan soup . The stinking thing never firms up . Of course it was pecan soup again this year . We still ate a quarter of the pie . I took the rest of it home and baked it for another 35 minutes . That did the trick . FINALLY . As we were eating dessert , the Luck 's stopped by to say hi ! They were in town to visit family for the holiday . Logan hung out with family while Sara and JR brought Landry over to visit with Aiden . They colored with crayons and played with a magnet set that was Robert 's when he was little . Too cute . I hope everyone had a great holiday ! I enjoyed my 4 - day weekend and was quite reluctant to come into work this morning . If only every month had a 4 - day weekend . . . There are so many things I forgot about while being pregnant . I 've been going through my belly book ( week - by - week play book of what was going on with me during the pregnancy ) and found several things I forgot . One of the symptoms I didn 't remember is the Braxton - Hicks . I had them with Aiden starting at 12 weeks . Braxton - Hicks contractions are minor practice contractions that happen in some pregnancies . They are not debilitating , just annoying . I get them whenever I am active , like when I walk across campus or when I 'm moving boxes around at work . I 've been having them a lot for the past few days . Just in time for busy Thanksgiving ! I 'm already noticing some of the hindering aspects of having a baby bump . It 's larger than it was last time at this point , but it 's not gigantic by any means . Yet . But I have had trouble getting out of the car in parking lots a few times . I can 't just suck this puppy in anymore . I have a feeling things are going to get more difficult when it comes to getting Aiden in his car seat . It 's one thing to slip in through the cramped area . But to stand in it , life a child and then buckle him in . I 'm going to have to start allotting more time to do things so I can let Aiden do more for himself - like climbing in and out of the car . I 'm finding I have much less patience for pregnancy - related problems this time around . I don 't know if it 's because I have to take care of another child or if it 's the lack of newness . Last time it was the first time I was experiencing any of it , and if I wanted to sit all day and take a nap , I did . Oh the days when I was free ! I 'm worried Aiden is going to be sick for Thanksgiving . He woke up the past two mornings with a hoarse cough . No fever yesterday . Today his temperature was elevated one degree . That could be due to his full - on temper tantrum he threw ALL MORNING . I gave him ibuprofen both mornings in case his throat hurts . I tried to ask him if it did , but he didn 't seem to understand me . We are going to do what we did last year and go over to Ariel and Robert 's for Thanksgiving . I 'm going to prepare a few dishes in advance so all I have to do is heat them up when I get over there Thursday . We 'll go over before Aiden 's nap and let him sleep there . That way I can help with the cooking . They are frying one turkey and roasting the other . Lots o ' turkey . We 're hoping to eat at 3pm . That almost never happens on time , but I can hope ! The best part about eating the meal early is then you have room for dessert and possibly leftovers in the evening . Ugh , love that . I did the bulk of my grocery shopping last night . I have to run by a different store tonight to pick up a few items I couldn 't find at the last store . I NEED this place to have pie crusts , because I really don 't want to have to add making a pie crust to my to - do list tonight . As it is , I already need to pick up Aiden , run to the store , drop of the recycling at the center in Galveston , go home to make dinner and then make a pecan pie . All after I get off work at 5 pm . Definitely stopping for coffee this afternoon . We have completed our Christmas shopping for Aiden ! Toys R Us is having a ton of sales through Thanksgiving Day , so we wanted to get him done first . The trick is to keep all that stuff hidden for a month . I 'm sure that will get more difficult down the road . Now we can focus on gifts for the rest of the family . My dad won 't be coming for Christmas . He 's going to try to come in January or February , but it depends on his work . I 'm not sure if Brenda will be able to make it - she 's still up in the air . Travis still has to talk to his dad , but he usually can 't make it because he has plans with his girlfriend or he has to work . My mom is planning to come for a month , so she will be here for Christmas . With her , we always draw names out of a hat for gifts . None of us are particularly well off . That coupled with traveling for my mom and buying food for the celebrations for Ariel and I , makes for a very expensive month . Drawing names out of a hat helps alleviate some of that . Now that we have Aiden , we get to watch him open lots of gifts on Christmas morning . That has quickly become my favorite part of the holiday . I 'm sure this year will be even better . Aiden enjoys so many things now . He will love everything he gets . Travis and I usually don 't get each other gifts for Christmas anymore . We generally don 't have the funds for it . This year , we thought we 'd be buying a dishwasher , but I think we might be able to postpone that until after the holiday season . It 's holding on at the moment . Barely . Com ' on kitchen appliance ! Hold on for just a while longer ! ! Travis bought an iPhone a week ago , but it 's on backorder . He is supposed to get it by Friday . Only 50 % of his current touch screen works . We can 't afford to get one for each of us at the same time . I 'm hoping to get one soon after Christmas . It seems like my phone senses that I 'm ready for a new one because it is going bezerk more often than it used to . The number one reason I want an iPhone now is for a decent touch screen . I CANNOT stand it when my touch screen doesn 't work . My current phone is so bad that it won 't even recalibrate . It frustrates me to no end . I am thankful I bought a flip phone with an actual keyboard on the inside . I don 't even use the main screen of my phone anymore . I go straight to the inside . Oh the problems in my life . It 's been a busy week . I feel like I 'm running around at work trying to keep up half the time . Then the other half of the time there is NOTHING to do . That 's typical in a lab though . Your assays need to incubate for a certain amount of time and there 's generally only so many things you can clean or tidy up on during the incubations . I think the reason it 's getting on my nerves so bad this week is because I have had some headaches from hell . I talked to my doctor about it . She said it could be pregnancy , it could be the Zofran , or it could just been from my previous neck problems . The difficulty is that I 'm limited on what medication I can take to treat the headache . In the past , ibuprofen has always worked will for me . Sadly , I can only take acetaminophen while pregnant . It doesn 't help . These headaches just barrel on through my day . It makes the nausea worse . So when I turn my head , I feel sick . Or maybe the nausea is causing the headaches ? Gah , I don 't know . I 've also been pretty busy after work this week . Monday night I went on an impromptu girl 's night out with a friend from work who recently quit to work at another hospital in Houston . She 's been having a rough month and I haven 't seen her for a while , so I went out even though I had prior plans for a girl 's night out Thursday . We went to get pedicures , but I forgot my wallet . So I just sat and chatted while everyone else was pampered . Then they all went out to dinner and thankfully bought my meal . I totally owe them ! Last night I went with a few girls to see Breaking Dawn on opening night . I knew it was a bad idea , but I did it anyway . Didn 't want to miss out on the fun . One of my friends from work has a movie theater membership card so she was offered tickets to see the 8 pm showing . We got to the theater an hour early , thinking we might not get awesome seats , but I figured we wouldn 't get front row . I thought wrong . Lucky for us , no one was in the front row yet , so we were right in the middle ! It was horrible . I got dizzy during several scenes . There was oOur biggest joke last night was that Jasper is the constipated vampire . He always looks like he needs to take a giant crap . But the books explain that he constantly struggles with the need to drink Bella . He 's struggling with hunger , not digestion . Overall , it was good . I would like to see it again from a better seat . I do plan to buy this movie eventually . I need to buy the rest of the Harry Potter movies and I think I still need the last Twilight movie that came out . I 'm a little behind on that . Later , later , later ! Seriously , it 's gigantic . Unreal . PS - That 's my tough face . Feels tougher than it looks . I was looking at photos from my pregnancy with Aiden and I think the shape of my belly is different . It 's more torpedo - like this time . I know it 's not a direct comparison because one is shirts and one is skins , but here is my photo at 16 weeks ( two weeks further along than I am now ) with Aiden : Whenever people see me wearing a fitted shirt at work they say , " WOW . You are going to be HUGE . " Did you see me last time ? If that wasn 't huge , then what was it ? Gah . I know I 've already mentioned it , but the nausea is way worse this time . It is affecting my diet . Nothing ever sounds good . The only things that ever sound remotely edible are fresh things , like fruits , vegetables and salads . Cheese and water crackers usually make the list . Occasionally pasta is on there as well . It sounds a LOT like my cravings last time . Lately , I 've only needed the Zofran ( anti - nausea ) every third day . It used to be every other day , if not every day . I have hope that it will disappear completely . Please . Saturday we had more big plans . Travis had to work that morning . Aiden and I took it easy at home . We played outside for a while and I folded some laundry . I got him to take a nap on his own . It took almost 45 minutes , but that 's better than an hour ! When Aiden woke up , we played for a bit , then got ready to go out . We went to Galveston for the Moody Garden Festival of Lights opening day . I 've been in the past and was really disappointed . I thought they would decorate Moody Gardens with lights . Instead , they have various shapes wrapped in lights , including Christmas items , safari animals , underwater animals and more . I 'm assuming those non - Christmas decorations are supposed to represent the two pyramids at Moody Gardens : the Rainforest and the Aquarium . Since it was opening day , there were various additional attractions . There were two small reindeer for the kids to gawk at . . . Then Santa sailed in on a parachute with two of his elves . . . We went with lots of friends : The Ramby 's ( minus Chris , plus Alexa 's mom ) , the Yeager 's and the Yeager 's friends that we 've hung out with a few times . I really like them . They 're fun - loving people who like to joke around . My kind of entertainment ! As disappointed as I may have been by the lights last time I enjoyed it so much more with Aiden . He is so amazed at everything . I love watching the wonder through his eyes . At the end of the lit path , there was a fenced in area with snow ! ! Next to the palm trees ! Without a coat , hat and mittens ! You had to pay $ 6 cash to enter the snow area . We only had $ 5 left , so we told Aiden we couldn 't do the snow . He looks up at us with those big blue eyes and says , " But snow , Mommy . Snow ! " I was immediately digging in my purse for a dollar 's worth of change . Aiden slipped and fell while walking into the enclosure . He was a little shocked at the cold temperature , so he started crying . I told him it was okay , and when he stopped crying he looked at his hands and said , " Ice ? " Smart kid . After I coaxed him back into the enclosure , with a little help this time , he really enjoyed himself . Since adults weren 't allowed in , Aiden waddled over to where we were standing near the fence and Travis tossed him a few snow balls . Then Aiden threw them back . He was so excited . It was adorable . We had to keep yelling at him not to eat the snow . " There won 't be any snow left if you eat it all ! " Aiden and I had a full three - day weekend . Unfortunately , it was Travis ' weekend to be on call . So he had to work Friday and Saturday morning . I didn 't want to stay home the whole time , so I made plans for Aiden and I to get out of the house . Friday morning , we went to a park we 've never been to before . It had lots of structures for Aiden to play on and there were several trails and ponds . First I let Aiden run around with the other kids on the playground . The structures seemed to be aimed at various age groups . The one closest to the parking lot was the least scary one for me . It was low to the ground , with lots of virtually risk - free things to play with . The one furthest from the playground ( there were 4 structures within walking distance ) was the one Aiden liked the best . It had the highest slide that he kept climbing to and going down . I call those types of slides tornado slides because it spirals all the way down . It prevents the kids from shooting off the end when they get to the bottom . After the playground , we walked over to the nearest pond to see if we could find any wildlife . We saw three turtles and a ton of dragonflies . We walked down one trail for a bit , but then had to turn around because I was getting hungry . I get more panicky that usual these days when I get hungry . I live in constant fear of setting off the nausea . One of the serious downsides of my fear of hunger and the resulting nausea is that I find myself eating out more often than I 'd like . Generally , I only eat out zero to two times a week ( including breakfast , lunch , and / or dinner ) . The fast food grease makes me feel really bad about myself and I find that I don 't get enough fiber in my diet when I eat out frequently . But for the past few months , I have been eating out two to four times a week . If I am out of the house and I get hungry , I don 't wait until I get home . I immediately pull into the nearest drive thru and proceed to shove face . So , Friday when we left the park , I realized it was already noon . We usually eat lunch at 11 : 30 and Aiden naps at 12 : 30 . I wanted to go to the grocery store before we got home , so I opted for eating out . Again . I didn 't know the area very well , so I just drove until I saw something easy that sounded good with Aiden along . Cici 's Pizza ! Ha ! Travis hates going there because he said he always ends up spending hours on the toilet after that place . I don 't know if he 's serious , but if I could have that side effect , I would be GRATEFUL . Pregnancy is not the best on an already iffy digestive system . Turns out , kids 3 and under eat for free ! I only had to pay for myself , and it 's not an expensive place to start with ( salad , pasta and pizza buffet ) . That helped with the financial guilt that I usually feel after eating out as well . Aiden was so spoiled this weekend . We went to the park , we had pizza for lunch AND he got to watch cartoons while he ate lunch . That rarely happens at home . After lunch we went to the grocery store , then headed home for nap time . I 'm trying to get Aiden to go down for nap time on his own . He does fine at night when it 's dark in his room , but it 's always been a struggle during the day when he can easily see all his toys . I have to go in his room every 5 minutes to tell him to stop playing with his toys and get back in bed . It 's so time consuming because that takes 30 minutes to an hour . We 've been going in and laying on the futon in his room so he would stay in bed . Half the time we fall asleep in there too . But we need to stick with it this so we can have our noon time back ! Friday night I had a couple girls over from work for dinner . I made lasagna for the first time and I think it turned out pretty good . We watched Bad Teacher . It was okay . I had a hard time getting into the love interest at the end because I didn 't think they made a good couple . It was a comedy though , so that didn 't entirely ruin it for me . Travis put Aiden to sleep , so I got a little break there . It was a busy day , but it was nausea - free . That made it awesome . Some people my find this blog offensive . I find it hilarious . It 's a daddy blogger who has a new baby . He writes about the problems he has to deal with as a parent , but he 's a bit vulgar at times . Asshole Baby I 've been working with Travis to take over more things with Aiden and I can already tell it 's making a big difference in Aiden 's willingness to approach him . Aiden used to come to me for everything and would throw a fit if Travis did it . Travis ' opinion was ' he doesn 't want me , he wants you . ' Yessss . But I need help ! So I forced him . Travis was annoyed at first , but now that he 's reaping the benefits , I know he appreciates it . As an extension of Travis taking on more with Aiden , I 'm going to try to save grocery shopping for the weekends when Travis is around so I can go without a child . It 's so much easier on me and it gives Travis and Aiden some alone time . We 've done this in the past , but not frequently . I went to get an oil change and bought groceries on Saturday without Aiden . When I got home , Aiden was still awake . Travis was having trouble getting him to fall asleep for nap time . Finally , he just went in there and laid next to him on the floor . Then he proceeded to take a nap of his own for an hour . After nap time , Chris came over and we all headed to the Galveston Lone Star Rally . Aiden loves motorcycles . He points at every single one we see on the road . His daycare is right near where the rally was , so there were lots of motorcycles driving and parked when I picked him up Friday evening . We stood on the street corner and watched for a while . He didn 't seem to mind the noise , and really enjoyed just standing there watching , so we figured we 'd take him to the rally during the day . I 've been at night in the past and it 's definitely not for kids . During the day it 's a little less crowded , but it 's still loud with all the bikes . Chris owns a bike so he wanted to peruse the bike parts tents . I like going over there because they always have the really fancy bikes set up for viewing . Aiden enjoyed it as well . After that , we headed back over to the chaos and watched the continuous bike parade . They set up a path down the Strand where anyone can ride their bike to show off . There were some interesting people , let 's just say that . Here 's a view down the Strand : Towards the end , we met up with Nadya , Alexey and Kate . Kate was really nervous with all the loud bikes , but she said she wasn 't scared and she didn 't want to go home . It was pretty cute . She and Aiden caught up : I was looking through some Halloween magazines this year and came across some fun ideas for party snacks . I found this particular one online and really liked it . It was cute and easy : I decided to stop fighting Aiden into his pirate costume and went for something a little easier . We used his regular cowboy outfit . Of course he wouldn 't wear the leather vest , wool chaps and gun holster . Typical . On a side note , I am fairly certain Aiden was the only child on the streets with a toy gun . Many parents are anti - toy - gun these days , plus there 's the off chance that a police officer will think your child is threatening them with a real gun and therefore shoot the child . I used to play with this very same cap gun when I was little . Not only do I have NO interest in guns these days , but I do not want to be a criminal . Oh and I survived not ever being shot by a police officer and have grown into an adult ! Amazing . Aiden got TONS of candy . We been trying to ration it out here and there to avoid a full - on sugar rush . We 've been lucky so far ! It probably helps that I 've been eating the chocolate . Aiden did really good with Trick or Treating this year . I think he understood the concept fairly well after a couple houses . Occasionally he would give his candy to the person who answered the door . And sometimes he would tell people " You 're welcome ! " in addition to " Thank you ! " Overall I think he did well though . It gets more and more fun every year . The main theme this pregnancy has been nausea . It started at about a month and a half and has only gotten worse since then . It started out similar to the nausea I had while pregnant with Aiden : when I got hungry , I felt like I was going to throw up . The difference is last time I actually threw up . This time I just WISH I could vomit . I have the most intense nausea . I can 't really say it 's the worst I 've ever had because I 've been seasick and that was , by far , the worst experience of my life . This IS pretty bad though . I get clammy and hot and my hands start to shake . It 's a miserable thing . It 's bad enough that I asked my doctor for an anti - nausea medication . She prescribed Zofran and it has been a life altering decision . There are certain things I can do to lessen the nausea without the medication . Sometimes it 's just because I 'm hungry , and if I eat , it goes away . Sometimes it 's just because I need to use the restroom . And if I go , then I feel better . But sometimes , I do ALL of that and it just gets worse . So Zofran it is ! The only problem with Zofran is whoever developed it did not take into consideration that the pill taker would be nauseous . Let me explain . The instructions on the prescription say , " Dissolve tablet on tongue . " It takes like bitter , bitter fruit . The process of taking the medication is a task in itself . If I wasn 't completely confident that I am unable to vomit at this point , I would be worrying about it more as I wait for that god awful tablet to disappear . Ugh , it 's horrible . And then the bitter flavor stays on my tongue for a good 20 minutes after . BUT IT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT . Within 30 minutes of taking the tablet , I feel 90 - 100 % better . Now I can work , clean the house , do laundry , do the dishes and make dinner ! Wait a second . Why did I ask for that medicine again ? Oh ya , before , I still had to do all those things , but I was miserable and cranky the entire time . I felt bad for Travis and Aiden because when Mommy 's not happy , nobody is happy . Control my eating . I stopped wearing perfume and I 'm using fragrance - free deodorant . I may not be able to control what other people wear , but at least I can control myself ! My doctor did give me a tsk , tsk at my appointment last week . I had lost four pounds since my visit a month prior . In my defense , I had been on an eating binge the weekend before my first appointment . I had spent the entire weekend in Illinois doing nothing but eat and sit . So I was two pounds over my normal weight at that first visit . Since then , I have been back to my normal eating habits , PLUS nausea . So I 'm sure I 'm not eating as much as I should be . So now I 'm two pounds under my normal weight . I have also had a big problem with losing my vision and getting vertigo when I sit up from laying down or when I go from squatting to sitting . I had the squatting to sitting problem before I got pregnant , but now it 's worse and I have it when I sit up . I was wondering if it was low blood pressure , but it was within normal ranges at the doctor 's office . The doctor thinks I might be dehydrated . She recommended adding one to two 12 oz bottles of water to my current three to four . Like I don 't already LIVE in the bathroom . I went to the bathroom THREE times before I even left for work . THREE ! The only reason I get out of bed in the morning is because my bladder is threatening to explode . Funny how you forget about this stuff after you have the baby . This past weekend we went to the Texas Renaissance Festival north of Houston . It is always so entertaining seeing all the costumes . The group I went with this year decided to dress up . A couple of us went as fairies , there was a forest nymph and three Star Trekkers . Aiden stared at these giant boat swings forever . Linsey and Zach took Luke over to go on the swing . We asked Aiden if he wanted to ride the swings and he said yes . Since I 'm fighting some serious " morning " sickness this pregnancy , the last thing I wanted to do was rock back and forth in a giant swing . So Daddy and Grandma took him for a ride . He seemed really into it , right up until the point when they climbed on board . He cried like that the ENTIRE time . They didn 't stay on as long as they could have , but it was probably a good five minutes of swinging fun . Travis was giving me the stare down the entire time for putting him through that . HA . After the swings we saw Hagrid ! Apparently Luke watches Harry Potter with Zach and his favorite character is Hagrid . Luke spotted him before any of us did and ran up to give his knees a hug before we even knew what was going on . Luke was quite the hugger that day . I 'm pretty sure he hugged every costumed person there . Aiden has never been big on dancing . All of our friends ' kids love to dance , but Aiden has always refused to dance at all . A couple months ago we put him in a dance class once a week at his daycare . He has recently started dancing all on his own and I think it is adorable . Luke and him started dancing as we passed a Renaissance band . Aiden sticks his elbows out and pivots at the hips . It looks something like this : At one point we stopped to look at the elephants . Every time one stopped to load people , she would sniff us with her trunk . When Luke came over , the trunk startled him and he accidentally dropped his pacifier inside the enclosure . The elephant quickly grabbed it up , tossed it over in her trunk , then ate it . The whole time I was trying to get someone 's attention , but none of the keepers would look over at us . When one finally did come over , he was pissed thinking we had fed the elephant the pacifier . Who would do that ? Luke kept saying , " Give it back ! Give it back ! " I have a feeling he might have elephant issues from here on out . If you are friends with me on Facebook , then you already know the big news . I 'm pregnant ! 12 weeks today . I am due May 18th , which means I 'll probably have him May 25th . Wink , wink . It seems so far away , but then when I think of the financial side of it ( hospital bills , daycare costs , etc ) it seems way too close . I had an ultrasound yesterday and found with 80 % certainty that we are having another boy ! Holy cow ! Can you imagine ? TWO boys . Every night before bed , Aiden gets a second wind and he and Travis rough house . I think it actually helps him work out any remaining energy he might have had . Last night I asked Travis if he could imagine TWO boys coming at him like that . HA ! I think I have to write it like that for here on out . TWO boys . When the doctor saw the baby 's gender - parts , he said he is 80 % sure it 's a tally whacker . Snort . He said he couldn 't imagine THAT turning into a clitoris , but he is only allowed to give me 80 % assurance at this stage in the pregnancy . We go back in 7 weeks and he should be able to confirm the gender with 99 % certainty . The doc told us not to go out and buy anything just yet , until we can be sure . I told him we don 't have to buy anything ! We had a baby boy two years ago and we have saved everything . I know it stresses Travis out to see all the stuff we have in boxes in our garage , but he 'll probably appreciate it now . This time around , we 'll donate everything after we 're done with it . Travis said he doesn 't want to have any more kids after this . The idea of having three boys under one roof really freaks him out . I 'm not giving up hope just yet . And I 'm for sure not going to let Travis snip his goods until we are SURE we don 't want another one . If we do try for another , it will be when this peanut 's getting ready to start Kindergarten . I want a bigger gap between the next one so we don 't have a bunch of little guys running around . Oh and the daycare costs are a good deterrent as well . My point is , there 's no reason to store everything for that long . We 'll just donate . We 've been trying to explain this whole baby thing to Aiden . I 'm not confident he understands . We need to get some big brother books to help us out . We keep asking him if he wants a baby . He says , " Ya . I want Baby Skylar . " Skylar is Blair 's baby sister . Aiden 's other friend Luke has a baby sister as well . I don 't think he understands that babies can be boys . Eh . We 've got time to explain it . We 're not going to keep the name a secret this time . It was really hard last go around and it would be nice to hear some opinions this time . I had the name Aiden picked out since I was in high school , so there was no changing that one . This time , I don 't know what we want . We will be giving him Curtis for a middle name , after Travis ' dad . Aiden 's middle name is Gregory , after my dad . Here 's a few names we 've come up with . None of them are a MUST HAVE , but they appeal to us for one reason or another : Ariel 's favorite holiday is Halloween . I think she feels like it 's her holiday because it falls so close to her birthday . On top of that , she is the ' night ' portion of our day - and - night duo . Halloween goes hand in hand with the night . Every year she spends a good part of her paycheck on adding to her All Hallow 's Eve decor . Check out her entryway . Last week while Brenda was here , we carved pumpkins for Halloween . I always carve them too early so they are a rotting nasty mess for the night of trick or treating . I timed it better this year and the pumpkins were good through the weekend . Sadly , I never made it around to buying the electric candles , so the pumpkins were not lit for the spooky evening . Aiden was not as impressed by the pumpkin guts this year . ( Last year he was all for it . ) He pulled some of the seeds out of the guts and then decided he would only use a spoon from then on out . He enjoyed watching US pull out the goods though . He kept wanting to stir the guts in our pumpkins , so Grandma cut open the third pumpkin and let him have at it . As you can see in this photo , Aiden went to bed late A LOT while Grandma was here . There was so much to do ! Aiden was super excited about his Spiderman pumpkin . I think Daddy was a little annoyed with me for choosing the one I did . Little does he know , I actually chose the easier of the two I found online . I think he did a fine job . I grew up in central Illinois , but moved south of Houston , Texas in 2002 . I live with my husband Travis , son Aiden and daughter Mila in our first home . Most of our time is spent doing things as a family and I love it ! I also live with two cats and some fish . I work as a safety specialist at a research hospital and hope to make it my career . Feel free to leave a comment and let me know you stopped by .
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Gracie got the role of Snow white in the school play . She was going to tell her mom and sister Claire , but then her dad came home . He hasn 't been home in a long time he left them . He said he was moving back in , so she didn 't tell her mom and Claire that night . She told her mom the next day . Then her dad finds out , he is so proud . Gracie goes to school the next day early because her friend Lizzie said prince charming was there , in the back of the stage . He doesn 't show up . But she goes to a party with Lizzie , and she had to go get a board game for the party . And a boy came with her , and her mom caught her . Then her and her mom went to their favorite hot chocolate place to talk about it , Gracie said nothing happened . Her mom believed her and her Mom promised she wouldn 't tell her Dad . But her Mom said she was grounded for two weeks . The next day she went to play practice , and they were practicing the kissing scene , When he was going to kiss her she said " stop ! " The teacher asked if she was ok , she said " yeah I 'm just feeling a little cold coming on and I don 't want James ( Prince charming ) to get what I have " . Then Lizzie came up to her and said " why did you make up a cold you almost kissed the cutest guy in school ! " She said I know , I want to wait till we perform the play . The battle of Gettysberg I survived is a book about a young boy and his young sister that are slaves . They run away torward the north star were slavery is illegal . They then find a army camp and go threw the big battle of Gettysberg . They survive . The question is , do you have what it takes to survive ? I survived I survived is about a boy that is trying to escape the Japanese Tsunami in a car . He thinks he is the only one that survived . When he woke up in the hospital he then saw his parents . Do you have what it takes to survive ? Nice Job Sheradan . Where is your secret number ? How is the theme of your book first kiss ? What does that mean ? Is there a lesson in there like " Everybody needs a first kiss " or " first kiss or you are a loser " ? Good explanation of your book . The choice of your theme is not exactly right . First Kiss would be an event but not a message from the author . How about Having patience ? That would be a better choice . You started strong with your blog . I was getting excited by your theme . However , nothing in your blog show any examples of your theme . I agree with Dawson - expand , make it longer . He goes through alot in this book . His friend Rowley already has a girlfriend and Greg thinks his luck might change after he finds a magic 8 ball . the magic 8 ball mad life easier but the luck doesen 't change . his family goes to war trying to fing memaws ring that costs alot . at the end rowleys " Girlfriend " is just trying to make her ex come back and it worked . now rowley is left alone but hey , he still has greg . Did you state your theme ? You have several lazy and sloppy errors . You should check your writing before you hit submit . Remember this is for a grade . On Rory Landon ' first trip to Yellowstone National Park she threw a rock at a fire breathing dragon . In Rory Landon 's class the have this mean substitute teacher , her name was Ms . White . Ms . White gave them a page to do ( but most kids just made paper airplanes out of them ) . When Rory was done she came up to the teachers desk and saw a mirror . It had a girls face in it not hers though , the girl was older and very pretty . Her hair was so pail white and wearing a ice crown . When school was over her moms assistant called her and said go to the red door . Rory went to the red door she saw something was carved in the door . It said " Welcome Rory ) . Rory went in and looked at this woman . The woman said " You must be Rory , Snow told me all about you " . " Snow ? " Rory asked . " Ms . White dear ' told The woman . " Snow White ? " questioned Rory . Good fix . Thanks . What is the theme ? It seems like you might have wanted to say something else , but got tired of it and just stopped . It feels unfinished . It began with a birthday present Omri didn 't want - a small plastic Indian . But when his brother gave him a cupboard with a key , something happened . Omri put his little toy in it , and locked it . When he opened it the Indian was alive ! Omri couldn 't believe his eyes , especially when it started talking ! Omri starting getting commands from him like , get me water , make fire . Omri would go to the store and buy plastic food , put it in the cupboard , then give it to the Indian . Omri didn 't want anyone to know about his secret . Not even his friend who gave it to him , Patrick . Omri had kept his secret for a while now . Until Patrick came over … My book is about a boy named Stanley who is under a curse from his great great grandfather Elya Yelnats . Grandpa Yelnats was supposed to carry Madame Zeroni up a hill , but he didn 't and ever since , the Yelnats family has had bad luck . Now Stanley is accused of stealing a pair of " Sweet Feet " tennis shoes . At court he is given the choice to go to prison or Camp Green Lake . Stanley said he 's never been to camp before , so he decides to go to Camp Green Lake . There is no lake at the camp , but there is an awful lot of holes . At Camp he makes some new friends : Armpit , X - Ray , Squid , Magnet , Zigzag , andZero ( Zeroni ) . Every morning they wake up at 4 : 30 to dig holes 5 feet deep and 5 feet wide . Zero was always the first one done . Everyday Stanley dug he got blisters and they stung like crazy . After getting into a fight with one of the wardens , Zero ran away . Stanley ran away to find Zero . When Stanley finds Zero , he is in a boat that is stuck upside down in the dirt , living on the jars of peaches he found inside . As they try to find a road , they find God 's Thumb ( a small mountain ) and decide to climb it . As they climb God 's Thumb , Zero gets knocked on the head and passes out . Stanley carries Zero on his back , up the hill . Because a Yelnats carried a Zeroni up the hill , the curse is lifted . If you want to find out what the warden is making the boys look for by digging everyday , Don 't trust people you don 't know Fourteen - year - old Alex Rider knows his uncle did not die in a car crash . So Alex is trying to find out who really killed his uncle . Alex becomes a secret agent for M16 Britain 's , number one intelligence agency - where worked when he was killed . The person that killed Ian Rider has made a promise to kill Alex as well . Alex has to learn tai kwon do , how to use weapons and how to use cool intelligence gadgets to stay alive and help him track his Uncle 's killer . If you want to know if the enemy captures Alex , killed and / or finds the killer , I suggest you read this book . This book is about a cat in a clan that finds out that There wasn 't just four clans in the forest , there was five ! He was told that there was only ThunderClan , WindClan , RiverClan , and ShadowClan , but there was also SkyClan ! FireStar and his mate , SandStorm , go on a long , long journey to find SkyClan . On that journey they find where SkyClan lived and find one descendant of SkyClan whose name is Sky , but is later changed to SkyWatcher . SkyWatcher tells them that not only do they have to find SkyClan they have to rebuild SkyClan . On the way to rebuilding SkyClan they encounter intelligent rats that are lead by a leader that destroyed many , many , many cats before . With a group of about ten cats , can FireStar survive to kill the rats and rebuild SkyClan ? Find out by reading this book ! Nice explanation . It almost made me want to read it . I think you should have a little bit more of an exciting part to help pull your reader in . Theme Never give up This book is about a kid in high school named Michael Vey . Michael Vey has electrical powers . When he was born he went to a hospital , that had an electrical test what made him have electrical powers . He was not the only one who had the test . His best friends name is Ostin . Later he meets Taylor she has electrical powers too . They have to watch out for one person named Hatch he made them electrical . You would think they like him , but they hate him . Later they had a big problem . His Mom gets kidnapped . Then Taylor gets kidnapped after . Now Michael has to help them . This book was amazing you have to read it . Riley Great job on your theme . I think it fits perfectly . You have a sentence in your summary that does not related to the rest of your paragraph . you might want to change that , " His best friends name is Ostin " . There is also a convention error in that sentence only . However , everything else looks very nice . 3 Joshua Wagstaff Bruno and his family lived in Berlin but they had to move . Bruno and his family moved to a new house . There was a concentration camp near their new house . Bruno thought it was a farm so he went to the concentration camp to see if there was any friends . Bruno was wondering why they were wearing striped pajamas . He saw a kid about his age and asked if they wanted to be friends . Bruno gave food to Shmuel , his new friend . Bruno talked to Shmuel a lot . What is going to happen to his friend ? Well done Josh . However , I don 't see where you 've put your secret number or your theme . All your conventions look great . I 'd have to give you a 2 . The book I read was Wonder . It is about a kid named August also known as Auggie , he is 10 yrs . old and lives in Manhattan . He has a deformed face and cleft palate . . Due to many surgeries he had always been homeschooled . Then his parents wants him to go to Beecher Prep , a private school . He doesn 't want to at first . He ends up going to school . At first all these people are looking at him because of his face . He meets friends named Jack Will and Summer . Their is a kid named Julian and his friends Henry , Amos and Miles . They have a fight and are mean to Auggie and his friends . Later on in the book they go to a over night camp . They are at the camp then Jack needed to go to the bathroom . They go into the woods , then come out to see seventh graders . They start hurting Jack and Auggie . Then Amos Henry and Miles stand up for Auggie and Jack . They all stop fighting and become friends . The book ends at school graduation where Auggie gets a standing ovation and is awarded the " Henry Ward Beecher medal " . This is given to the student who has been the biggest example throughout the year . Aggies mom whispers in his ear , " You really are a Wonder , Auggie . " Well done Ryan ! Your theme is perfect , your summary is great , and your sentence structure is very good . You need to watch your punctuation or lack of punctuation . You have one sentence that has a list , but not commas separating the list items . I can still give you a 3 but not a mastery . Be yourself and have patients Sienna and her family lived in Boston and Moved to a house in Maine . She was not very excited to move . Her little brother hasn 't spoke for a year and her family was wondering if he would ever talk again . When they get to Maine Sienna ends up liking the house a lot more than she thought she would . She feels like the house is somewhat haunted . She keeps having dreams of a soldier during the World War . She also finds a pen on the beach by her house . The pen ends up writing a story on it 's own . The girl that owned the pen lived during the World War told of her story how to help her brother . You need to read the story to see if she is able to help her brother through these ghost characters . Wow Hailey - that sounds like an amazing book . I have been seeing it , but never wanted to pick it up . Now I do ! Well done ! ! ! Your theme fix perfectly for how you described the story . Mastery ! This book is about a cat who found some kits in a forest . The cat 's name is Oakheart , and Oakheart is trying to get the kits back to their original clan . Oakheart is part of the River Clan . Oakheart tells her leader of her clan that she found these kits while exploring the cold , winter forests . Oakhearts and her friendly companion GrayPool helped her along the way . GrayPool found out that the kits were part of an enemy clan , while licking their fur to clean them . Graypool told Oakheart that they were part of an enemy clan . So , Oakheart and Graypool headed out to see who 's kits they were . Along the way they bumped into Cinderpaw who was injured beside . ThunderClans path . Then they walked through Thunderclans path to Thunderclan . One of Thunderclans warriors was standing there guarding Thunderclans territory . That warrior was named TigerClaw . Tigerclaw had asked them what they were doing in their territor . Oakheart explained everything . TigerClaw then called Fireheart . Fireheart was one of Bluestar 's ( The Leader ) Helpers . Fireheart went to get Bluestar , but Bluestar didn 't go . So , Tigerclaw chased them away . After a while they had found out who the kits belonged to . But , later in the book many of RiverClans cats ' got injured while hunting for food for the clan . Then they bumped into one of the most dangerous cats of any clan . . . Nightstar had try to kill them . He hissed and scratched them , but they fought back . Together they got passed Nightstar , and Nightstar had returned to his clan . They had soon stopped hunting , and they returned to the clan with nothing . Wow Dylin , you have given a lot of information - too much information . A summary should be shorter and not give away too much of the plot . I don 't see your theme ? What were you thinking the lesson the author was trying to tell you ? Themes : Relationships are good and important , it is better to let animals be free This was a fun and interesting book . The main characters in this book are Owen , Viola , Stumpy , Travis , Earlene and Tooley the frog . Some of the other characters are Owen 's parents and his grandfather , who is sick . The setting of this book is Carter , Georgia . It is a small town and one of the favorite places in the town is the pond . At the beginning of the story Owen and his friends find a special frog , Tooley , and make a cage for him . Owen decides to let the frog go so he could be free and not have to stay in the cage . His friends Travis and Stumpy got mad at him when he did this so they stopped helping him with a submarine they had found . Owen and Viola found the submarine that fell off the train . Other people thought the submarine was lost . Owen and Viola learned to drive it around the pond . You 'll have to read this book to find out what happens after they do this . One of the themes of this book is that relationships are important . One of the important relationships is the one Owen has with his grandfather who is sick . Owen also develops a relationship with the frog and feels bad for him so that 's why he lets him go . Owen also learns that sometimes friends can get mad at each other , but still be friends . Mrs . V . You amazing me ! This is so good and perfect ! I love it . You theme work is supported you gave me just enough information . mastery ! Can I use this as an example ? The first disaster was the Children 's Blizzard 1888 . It was a nice day until the blizzard hit . It hit when the city of Groton , Dakota Territory didn 't even expect it . In a blizzard , so much snow fills the air it 's impossible to see . A kid was trapped in the storm but his brother found him and took him home . In the Titanic of 1912 they got on the Titanic and they had a good time until they crashed into a glacier . They ran to the boats but a boy was stuck when he got to a boat he saw his mom then he found out that his dad was gone . Lots of people died but the boy 's mom and him got to America it was on the front page of the newspaper . The Molasses Flood of 1919 . It was a nice day in Boston when a tank full of molasses blew up and a 40 ft tall wave of molasses came in and swiped away a big bit of the east side of Boston . 21 people were killed and 150 were injured . People were so mad at USIA that the company was put out of business . Good summaries of the stories . I 've never heard of the wave of molasses . I 'll have to look that up . I am confused on the theme . I didn 't find anything you marked as " Theme " but there is the one sentence at the beginning that sounds like you were trying to tell the theme . So you theme could be to " Don 't give up , even in impossible situations . " or " Keep trying " . This will be scored as a 3 but not mastered . by : Lauran Tarshis This story is about a young boy named Lucas . He survived 9 / 11 . One day Lucas was playing football and he got a concussion . His mom took him to the best doctor in town . The doctor said that Lucas 's favorite football players died from a concussion so Lucas decided that he wouldn 't do football . Lucas went to his dads friend , benny 's firehouse and told him the news . Benny is the one who got him in football . When Lucas got there a plane flew in to one of the twin towers so all of the fireman went to the towers . Benny told Lucas that his dad is coming to pick him up but he couldn 't take it so he left the fire station looking for his dad . As Lucas was looking he saw that the other tower get hit by a plane . Luckily , he found his dad but as they saw something was falling thru the sky so they rushed to the store and were safe , but they were in a lot of dust trying to get out . They got out safely and were just fine but he saw that the tower clasped and benny was in there . Benny got out safely and Lucas was happy . by : Lauran Tarshis A boy named John went to Japan for a vacation . When he was there he met a boy named Aki . He was about John 's little brothers age . John helped Aki look for his mom . On the way , he thought one of those scary looking black pigs was a puppy . Aki picked one up and said " I am keeping this puppy ! " then they saw the mom . The mom was mad and started chasing them . They saw Akis mother and she told the boys to hurry and get inside the house . After the pig left , John went home and went to bed with his brother . While they were in bed there was an earthquake . The boys hid under the bed because the ceiling was cracking . Their mom came in and took them outside and they saw there was something different about the ocean . As they were looking a huge wave came towards them . Johns uncle screamed to everyone to get into the car . while they were driving the wave caught up to them and they all broke the windows and got out of the car . They all got separated . John was all alone . John saw a floating couch and his neighbors cat was on it . He got onto the couch and floated until he saw a school . He went inside the school and found lots of people inside . WHIle he was in there is was very dizzy and drowsy . He passed out . When John woke up he was able to get food and water and clothes . John saw his mom , brother and uncle . He even found his friend Aki in the school . I think you gave away too much information . Your summary should be shorter than this and not give the endings away . I didn 't find your secret number or the theme . Did you forget about that ? Remember to check the requirements of the current month so you can get all the credit . Also , get your book approved and get your secret number from me . Harry Potter lives with his mean Aunt and Uncle and their spoiled son , Dudley . They never let him do anything that involves any active things . Harry Potter and the Sorcerer 's Stone Book # 1 They make live in a tiny closet at the foot of the stairs . He has not celebrated his birthday in 11 years but all that changes when a letter arrives for him by an owl messenger : a letter that invites him to a wonderful place that he never thought would exist . He finds out he is one of the strongest wizards in the world and Voldemort is trying to kill him . I really like this book a lot and I want to read the rest of the series ! ! I am so glad you like the first book . I love the Harry Potter series . You have not included all the requirements for this blog . Where is your secret number - you have one . What is the theme of this book ? The first sentence is missing a word so it sounds weird . I 'll have to give you a 2 . This book is about a main character named Minli . Her father told her some stories , but one of them is The Old Man Of The Moon . Later on that night Minli decided to visit and ask the old man of the moon about her fortune . So then later on in her journey she meets a dragon in the forest of peach trees . Then she asks the dragon what his name was , why he was here , and why he was tangled in some ropes . Then the dragon answers all of the questions in one story , but he wasn 't sure what his name and they assumed it was Dragon . Then Minli asked Dragon why he couldn 't fly , but Dragon doesn 't know . So they decided to also ask the old man of the moon why Dragon couldn 't fly . Later on the Minli untied Dragon and tricked the monkeys into being stuck in a net . Later on they meet a village where they found the Borrowed Line that they need . Then they find another village where they 're are 2 kids that lead them to the old man of the moon , but she is only aloud to ask one question , so she asks why the dragon can 't fly . They found out . Then they head home and realize Dragon is Jade Dragon 's Son . Very interesting ! I love books written in the style of Asian culture . They talk in 3rd person . I feel it is clever and different . These kind of books are always filled with value lesson . Your theme choice fits perfectly ! Mastery The book I read was called Holes . It is about a teenage boy named Stanley Yelnats IV . His family believed that they were cursed because of his " no - good - dirty - rotten - pig - stealing - great - great grandfather . Stanley always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time . His family was very poor and they lived in a small apartment with Stanley 's grandfather . His grandfather told him lots of funny stories about his ancestors . His father is an inventor and has been trying to find a cure for smelly old sneakers . One day when he was walking home from the last day of school a pair of sneakers fell from the sky and landed on top of Stanley . The next thing he new was that cops were chasing him and he did not know why . They were after him because of the sneakers . He tried to tell them that they fell out of the sky , but they did not believe him . His parents tried to convince the police that Stanley did not steal them . The cops went to his apartment to look for clues . The sneakers weren 't just any sneakers . They were a famous baseball players named , Clyde Livingston , who was Stanley 's favorite baseball player . The police found a poster of him in his room . Stanley was sent to a camp for troubled kids called Camp Green Lake . Green Lake did not have a lake anymore and it was just a wasteland with lots of holes . At the camp they work all day digging holes . Stanley meets all different kinds of kids . There is a boy named Zero who never talked . Stanley was asked how he got there and he said that he stole a pair of sneakers . Zero finally talks and asks Stanley if the sneakers had red X 's on them and they did . Stanley and Zero start to become friends . They make a deal that if Stanley teaches Zero how to read , Zero would dig for Stanley . When the leaders find out Zero gets in trouble and runs away . Stanley takes the wardens truck to go and look for Zero and crashes it . He finds him almost dead in the middle of the desert . Stanley remembers a story that his grandfather told him about his great - great grandfather who was stranded in the middle of the desert and he tells him about " God 's Thumb " . Stanley sees a mountain that looks exactly like a thumb and he takes Zero there and gives him water and food . The next day Stanley says that he is feeling lucky and they go and dig in one of his holes and find a treasure that has Stanley 's name on it . They figure out that Stanley was framed for taking the shoes , so they take him home , but Stanley won 't go without Zero . Zero goes with him and they find his mom . Stanley splits the moneI enjoyed reading this book . I have also seen the movie , but I like the book more because there is much more detail . Nice Job - I found it very interesting . I think you might have put in too much information . You theme is perfect ! The way you supported your theme at the end was fabulous ! I regretfully have to inform you that I can only give you a Mastery ! Mary , Jesse , and Harry , Jim 's son were stuck in 70 A . D . from the last book . Harry 's soon to be step sister , Megan , and Harry 's uncle , Garth , went back to when they were to try to find them . To sum it all up , there were lots of things that happened and lots of people from back then that they met . Megan and Garth finally found Harry , Marry , and Jesse . If you want to find out how this happened and if more stuff happens , then you will have to read the book . I highly recommend this book along with the other 6 books in the series that I have read . Charlotte Doyle was going on a ship that her father owned and she was supposed to go with 2 families . A man came up to her to get her trunk . He heard the captain 's name and ran away . Then Charlotte Doyle went onboard . She found out the families were not coming . A man came to her and led her to her cabin . Her cabin was really small and dirty and she wanted to leave but she couldn 't . The next day she tried to leave but the ship was already sailing . She went to the captain 's cabin and the captain was really nice to her . The cook Zachariah was really nice , too . He gave her a dirk to keep her safe . She wanted to give it back but he wouldn 't let her . The captain told her if she saw a red robin to tell him immediately . She found one in the forecastle were the crew slept . She also saw guns there . She told the captain and he got really angry . He thought Zachariah did it so he got out a whip and started whipping him . Miss Doyle was sad when she found out he died . Before she found out she took the whip and hit the captain . He was mad . He did not forgive her , so she wanted to become a crew member to make up for killing Zachariah . I 've only read half the book so far but it is really good . The book I read was called Diary of a Wimpy Kid Unplugged , written by Jeff Kinney . In the book Greg 's parents are always telling him that it was so much better back in the day because every body was much more socilized . So of course his mom starts a petition and every body signed it so the whole town has to go technology free . Everybody decided to use their time wisley . They go down to the town park and help clean up . So when all of them are working their buttts of , these girl scouts show up and start organizing everything . They woudn 't even let anyone go to the bathrom . So after that 's all done they go home and his parents go on a trip . Greg is stuck with his grandpa all weekend . His dad was really worried because when they came home one time they found out that his grandpa threw a huge party . So his dad put in a security camera . So now Greg can 't have any friends over . Now in the book Greg wakes up and goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth . He get 's out the tooth paste but when he opend it up he dropped the lid into the sink . Then when he tries to fix it , but the water starts leeking on to the kithchen . Greg goes to school and he finds out that there is a camping trip . Normally he would not want to go because it says " technology free " . Then he thinks that his dad will notice the patch in the wall , so he decides to go ! ! ! The Adventure Awaits Him . Thomas wakes up on the Glade remembering nothing at all but his name . The Gladers are all teenagers who made up their own strange words . Thomas asks many questions but it seems no one will answer them . He gets paired up with a roommate named Chuck . Soon he finds out that they are surrounded by a maze with hundred foot tall walls . He learns that the walls shut at night and the whole maze will actually move ! When he has been there only one day an alarm goes off while he was on a tour . Alby is a boy who is supposedly the boss and he was the one who was giving the tour . Alby tells him that the alarm means a newbie is arriving . But newbies only arrive once a month and when supplies arrives then the alarm doesn 't go off at all . So when everyone runs to the box there 's a girl , and there 's never , EVER been a girl . The girl was in a coma and was taken by the med - jacks ( doctors ) . Later Minho and Alby go into the maze to find a dead griever ( a strange very creepy work of animals and machine ) , but the walls were shutting when they were running back so Thomas broke rule number 1 , he ran into the maze while Newt was screaming to him " NO " ! It was too late , the walls had closed , locking them inside with the grievers . Minho very angrily told him that the griever was not really dead , and that they 'll be dead soon too . Minho said no one had EVER survived the walls closing and being in the maze overnight . Minho left unconscious Alby to die . Thomas couldn 't watch that happen so when Minho ran away he finally found a way to hang him on the wall of the maze with the ivy . Then he was attacked by a griver that climbed the wall easily . After surviving one night in the maze and saving Alby people are astonished . Minho convinces the others to make Thomas a " Runner " . After a meeting in the council , Galley runs away somewhere . Then the girl wakes up and she and Thomas can talk telepathically . She had a message ; " I triggered the end " . Then later that night the walls didn 't shut . That would mean no protection from grievers . EverAfter he was stung , he was screaming and kicking and going through the changing . He then found out many things . Meanwhile , people were using the Runner 's maps ( a job where you map every piece of the maze to find patterns ) to see patterns to help them figure out how to get out . They figure out that is says certain words but the words mean nothing . Then Thomas says something from the changing that is astonishing : " The maze can 't be solved … " That is a long blog talk . I really enjoyed the way you talked about the book . You must have really enjoyed it . Griever - Check you spelling . I didn 't see where you said what you thought the theme was . Everything else looks good . 3 The book I read is the retelling of the Star Wars movie " A New Hope . " It is slightly different than the film because it is a mixture of George Lucas ' film script / the movie , Brian Daley 's 1981 radio script , and the author 's imagination . When I say the author 's imagination it doesn 't mean she goes crazy and throws in all sorts of crazy stuff . What I mean is she adds more details about the character 's emotions and back stories you probably wouldn 't know . There are 3 sections as the title says they are the princess , the scoundrel , and the farm boy . They are referring to Princess Leia , Han Solo , and Luke Skywalker . In each section for each character it is their big moment in the book . For example , the farm boy section is Luke 's big moment when he blows up the Death Star . Now I will tell you what the book is all about , a long time ago in a galaxy far , far away the Jedi and the republic watched over the galaxy , until the very leader of the republic over threw the Jedi and now the once peaceful republic has become the evil empire . Nearly every Jedi had been wiped out and the so called " chosen one " Anakin Skywalker had turned to the dark side and become the evil Darth Vader . Out of the ashes of the republic , individuals who refused to join the empire , have come together to restore peace to the galaxy as it once had . Luke , Leia , and Han all have joined together to restore peace and order to the galaxy as it once had … Mrs . V . Matt , you continue to impress me with your awesome abilities . I love the way you set this up ! I love the intro you gave . Everything about it is great ! I HAVE to give you a mastery . Cameron Anderson The characters in this book are Dakota , Sprig / Grace , the mom , Bliss , dad , and Kristee . Grace and Dakota are sisters and their dad is in Afghanistan . Dakota is older than Grace so she is mean to her . One day Grace had her friend Bliss over and Grace made a list of ten ways to make her sister disappear . Grace and Dakota have a neighbor and she is very old . One day Grace went to check on her and she had a stroke . Turns out Grace saved her life . Grace and Bliss are best friends and Dakota and Kristee are best friends . In this book Dakota and Grace don 't really get along except for this one day when both of them were at a party and Dakota got her feelings hurt . Grace then goes to try and help her . If you want to find out Graces ten ways to make Dakota disappear then you will have to read the book . A thirteen year old girl name Sophie has an opportunity to go to England with her three uncles and two cousins on a boat . Sophie 's cousin Cody isn 't sure he can prove himself to his father and his two uncles ! This story talks about the journey of Sophie and her cousins going to England ! This story talks about the daily challenges that they have on their way to England ! One day there was this huge storm . The boat drifted to the opposite way than England . The boat is called boat is called The Wanderer . That is why the theme is have hope because you have to have hope even though you are most likely not to get there with your boat drifting . You will have to read the book to see if they get to England . Megan scharman A thirteen year old girl name Sophie has an opportunity to go to England with her three uncles and two cousins on a boat . Sophie 's cousin Cody isn 't sure he can prove himself to his father and his two uncles ! This story talks about the journey of Sophie and her cousins going to England ! This story talks about the daily challenges that they have on their way to England ! One day there was this huge storm . The boat drifted to the opposite way than England . The boat is called The Wanderer . That is why the theme is have hope because you have to have hope even though you are most likely not to get there with your boat drifting . You will have to read the book to see if they get to England . A fox named Isla loves playing with here brother Pirie . One day her family and her were going for a walk when she found some berries . When she came back , her parents were gone and her den had smoke in it . Her den was covered in different foxes with a leader named Karka . She was nervous so she ran away and went to find Pirie . When she was walking around she fond many mice , but when she tried to sneak up on them and catch them , they would here her and run away . Then she met this fox named Siffrin who was a skill fox . Siffrin taught Isla many things , like how to slimmer , witch you turn invisible . When they were exploring around , Karka came back . So they hurried and ran away and made it so they couldn 't smell them . When they went to the zoo , Isla didn 't know what the zoo was because she 's in the city and she 's not usually in there so she let all the animals out of there cage . Finally , Karka came back . You 'll have to read the book to find out what happens what happens next with Karka and Isla . Miranda and her best friend Sal are in sixth grade know how to navigate there neighborhood witch is in New York City . They know what is safe like there local grocery store . They also know what to avoid like a guy that sits on the corner . But then things start to happen like how Sal got punched by a kid for no reason . Then the key to the house gets stolen . This is a great book and if you want to read the rest and see what happens you should get the book . The main characters in my book are John and Lisa . I am going to tell you about my book . One day a family with a mom , a dad , a teen named Lisa and a boy named John moved into an old house . Lisa was a little creeped out because it looked like it was haunted . On the other hand John wanted to go and explore so he and Lisa decided to go out to the back and they went to the barn . When they went in Lisa was cleaning the place up because she was watching someones horse named Arab . While she was cleaning up her and John felt someone grab their arm and pulled them toward a stall . It was almost as if the ghost was trying to tell them something . Then a few days past and the ghost was able to talk to them because it was the anniversary of the battle that the ghost fought in and they found out the ghost was haunting them because he lost his hose Falada so Lisa and John went to find Falada . After they found Falada he could stop haunting their house and they lived d happily ever after . samantha rich 12 / 17 / 2015 13 : 53 : 23
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The picture above is of Alan warming up Sarah for her match against Meg at Loyola Park 's annual Boxing Explosion show Friday night . I gave Sarah some pointers based on the three times I fought Meg . The crowd was not as big this year . I kept hearing how bad traffic was from people who fought through it to get to the field house . Andre showed up , but he didn 't want a fight . He 's still nursing the rib that got cracked by Andres . Gene , Adam , and Rich all weighed in , hoping to get fights , but alas , there were no opponents available for them at that show . Willie called all the people who had fights into the gym , prayed with us , and gave us a pep talk . An acquaintance of mine who sings professionally ( and very well at that ) , KT , came out to the show . " This is the first time I 've ever seen a live boxing show ! " she told me . KT takes martial arts . I tried to get back around to talk to her after my fight , but I kept getting stopped by others who wanted to talk about my fight . I sent her an email saying I appreciated that she attended . Alex , who is a member of my church , attended the fight , too . Pastor Roger and Virginia were no - shows . I know Pastor 's back had been bothering him all week . Maybe that 's why they stayed home . Instead of singing " The Star Spangled Banner " , I sang " My Country , Tis ' of Thee " . Recently , I 've been thinking a lot about my early years in grade school , and how we used to sing that song every morning after saying the Pledge of Allegiance . Of course , that isn 't done in Chicago Public Schools anymore . That 's too bad because it was a good way to start the day . Just like last year , I didn 't get to see all of the fights in their entirety . I was running back and forth and talking to people so I missed a lot . I do know that most of the guys in the youth boxing program did very well . One of the smaller boys lost , and he grumbled about to me afterwards . " The other boy hit me and knocked my head gear loose . But I came back and gave the boy a knockdown , but the referee didn 't count it that way , " he said . I had seen his fight , and he was right . " Don 't worry about it . You did a good job , and the next time , you will use what you 've learned in this fight to win your next fight , " I advised him . In this photo , Meg is in the corner as Bill , her coach , and the second corner guy give her advice . Sarah towered over Meg . However , Meg knew how to get punches in to Sarah 's face and head . Every time she got inside , Meg threw some bombs , several of which had Sarah 's head snapping back . But Sarah did use her long arms to an advantage . Meg couldn 't easily get next to her all the time because of it . Sarah grabbed Meg 's arms at times to slow down her punches . I had planned to work Sarah 's corner , but her fight was the fourth one , mine was the seventh , and there was a possibility that my fight could have come up sooner , based on what happened in the fifth and sixth fights . Her sister Amy worked her corner instead . I thought that was good that Sarah 's sister should be in her corner . I wish my younger sister was still living to see my fights , but she might not have worked my corner . She probably would have stood in background shaking her head saying , " Ain 't no way in hell I 'd willingly let someone throw punches at me ! " The funny thing is , as vicious as my sister could fist fight people , she 'd probably would have had more wins than I if she 'd taken up boxing . Meg got the win , as you can see here in this photo . She told me later that all of the women who box through the Park District should visit each other 's field houses and spar with each other . I agreed with Meg that it does make a difference when women train together . I told her coach that I will do my best to come down to Hamlin in order to get some sparring in . Meg said that I should also bring Sarah and Amy along . Meg 's three kids were in attendance , along with her husband , whom I finally got to meet . As Alan got me ready to go into the ring , he leaned over and whispered , " You can take that girl . You have trained for awhile and have the experience . Hillari , you 're 50 years old . She 's seventeen . " I did a double take . Damn . . . she 's in high school ? I thought . " Hit her like you 're a woman . Fight her like a woman , " Alan said . I wasn 't wearing my usual Loyola Park tank top - - all of them are in the dirty clothes hamper , waiting to be washed . The referee told me I couldn 't wear the Loyola Boxing shirt I had on because it had sleeves . " This is ridiculous , " Alan grumbled . I agreed , especially since I had seen several of the boys wearing T - shirts . I had another T - shirt on under that , and Alan had to roll up the sleeves . It was said from the announcers ' table that my match would be an exhibition match . No winners , no losers . After that first hit I took from Edith , a Latina teenager who was about my height , I made up my mind that I 'd better come with something . The thing about those one minute rounds is that there 's no time to feel someone out or figure out their style . Punches have to be thrown quickly , and a lot of them need to be doled out . I gave Edith shots to the face , but she worked on my body . I was changing into my bed clothes about a half - hour ago , and my left side went " ping " . I don 't remember taking a shot in that spot , but I must have . The referee had to keep telling us to " Break ! " Either she was grabbing my arms to keep me from punching , or I was grabbing her . I stepped back during a moment in the second round to avoid an incoming body shot . I slipped , fell , and rolled over . When I got up , the referee gave me an eight - count . I could hear Alan outside the ropes fussing about the ref 's call . I didn 't argue with the ref , like so many boxers would have , but I gave him a look . " Are you able to continue ? " he asked . " Yes , I am , " I curtly answered . After the fight was over , I thought , if I won , fine , if I didn 't , I just have to take the loss . But then I remembered it had been an exhibition match . I tried to find ouThis photo was taken after the show had ended , and everyone had gone back into the gym to collect their things . The man in the CTA uniform on the left is Gary . Yale , a referee , is in the middle , and Alan is sitting on the desk in the gym . Gary is a boxing official , too . When Gary and Yale were younger , they participated in a lot of boxing matches . Bill told me , " I 'll see you at Hamlin ! " They have a show coming up soon , and I 'd like to fight at that one . I found out that Andrea , another Hamlin boxer whom I fought and won against a few years ago , got married , had a child , then moved overseas . Her husband 's employer transferred him to Singapore . I told Meg that I wondered what had happened to Andrea . Life certainly takes people in different directions . Charlene , who hadn 't been at the boxing gym for several sessions , returned on Wednesday night . I like Charlene 's speaking voice . She has a very light , ladylike way of speaking that I think would serve her well if she was to do voice over work . Charlene asked me to go over some technique with her since it had been awhile since she 'd been there . While I was helping her out , Colonel walked in . I was extremely glad to see him , and I gave him a big hug . " I missed out on getting some big money , " he told me . Colonel was going to take a temporary consulting job in Afghanistan . He had been in the military during the Vietnam War , and sometimes , he 's asked by the military to come in on projects and lend his expertise . But health issues interfered , and Colonel couldn 't pass the physical . I could tell that he had lost some weight , but for a 65 year old guy , Colonel looked good . He also helped Charlene with her stance , punches , and wrapping her hands while he was there . Matt saw Colonel with Charlene and assumed correctly that he was a coach . " He doesn 't coach for the Park District , but Colonel has coached elsewhere , " I explained to Matt . Matt introduced Pedro , who had missed the first day of the Fall session . Pedro said he hadn 't boxed in a long while , and needed refresher lessons . " Hillari knows what she 's doing , and you can also get help from most anyone else in her , " he told Pedro . The first sparring match of the evening involved Sarah and I . We were going at a slower pace . Alan liked that , and told us to keep it up . My objective was to give Sarah more work , not so much to practice myself . I 'm not sure how well I 'll do this Friday . I felt sluggish and sore when I woke up Wednesday , and I didn 't go in to work . I rested most of the day ( well , if you call playing on the computer resting ) , and tried not to move around much . I felt somewhat okay to go down to the gym , but I was still dragging . Sarah and I did two rounds and a half ( we started the first round in the middle ) . Rich and Jake were at it again in another sparring session . I was wincing at some of the hits they doled out to each other . There were full - on hard shots being thrown to their heads and faces . I was so busy trying to get the picture above that it didn 't occur to me that maybe I should get back from the ropes - - they were that close to me . Another second , and I might have been hit by accident . Rich sounded like he was interested in getting matches , period . Alan and I were trying to figure out the weight requirements that deemed a fighter a light heavyweight . We finally figured it out , but it seems like the numbers change depending on where you 're looking for the information . I think the amateurs ' weight classes are a little different than those of the professional boxers , and those are different from the international amateur weight classes . In this photo , Alan gives advice to Adam - - the guy I couldn 't identify in the photos on Monday . He sparred with Jake , and I recorded the rounds with Adam 's cell phone . Adam would like to fight on Friday . That 's the first time I 've heard of a new person coming in a few days before a boxing show asking to participate in it . Alan told him what to bring , what to wear , and when to show up . Bo , the guy in the picture above , was watching Adam and Jake spar in - between working out on the double - end bag . I heard Bean ( on the right in this picture ) giving Bo some strength training advice later on . Bean is a trainer . He 's in decent shape for a guy who is 55 years old . Throughout the rest of the evening , I helped Charlene . Outside of sparring , I didn 't do much of a workout . Lately , I 've been really , really feeling like the middle - aged woman that I am . My mother 's recent death was a bit of a wake up call . Ma 's stroke was caused by high blood pressure . I didn 't know she had it , and I don 't think she did , either . Twenty years ago , Ma told me that her blood pressure had tested high a few times when she 'd gone to the doctor . She gave the impression that the doctors had said something to her about the results , but Ma dismissed their concerns . She never trusted doctors completely , insisting that her home remedies were better . Dad , who also had high blood pressure , cursed about what doctors would tell him , too . Maybe they both would have lived a little longer if they had listened to advice . I 've been looking at my diet recently and making changes so that it is more low - carb and low - saAlan asked about the height of Meg , the firefighter from Hamlin Park whom Sarah has a match with on Friday . " She 's a little taller than I , but Meg is shorter than Sarah , " I told him . I told Sarah that I lost all three matches I had against Meg . But it 's not like Meg can 't be beat . I saw her lose a match at Brooks Park late last year . Meg likes to come in throwing bunches of hard punches , then darting back out . I can 't move as fast as Meg , and by the time my brain registered that I needed to cover up , duck , or slip punches , it was too late to avoid them . But Sarah 's height and arm length will be her biggest advantages over Meg . Most of the new people returned on Wednesday , but I did notice that some were already missing . Mary asked me to look out for a guy named Roman . Roman had allegedly expressed disappointment about the gym . It sounded like Roman was expecting a lot of one - on - one instruction , but it 's a Chicago Park District gym . The coaches do their best to get around to everybody , but they can 't focus exclusively on one while forgetting the others in the room . I think I remember the guy ; he arrived with a woman on Monday maybe about ten or fifteen minutes after the gym opened . Alan had all the newcomers in the ring for group instruction like he always does at the beginning of each session . Roman asked me if he and the woman should go into the ring . I thought it was obvious that 's what they should do since they saw and heard Alan giving instructions . Instead I said , " Yes , all the new people should if they 've had no prior experience with boxing . " Later , I saw them hanging outside the gym door , watching everyone else , then I looked up again , and they had gone . There have been many who 've come through that gym , unsure of what to do . But most of them would eventually ask others for help . I don 't think that happened in this case . The gym was hoppin ' , as they say , the first night of the Fall session on Monday . The picture above is of some of the new people who came in . Unfortunately , I didn 't get every one 's name , which is unusual for me . I like to introduce myself to everyone who 's new to the gym , but I didn 't get the chance this time around . Some former gym attendees were among the new people including Nate and Matt ( who used to come to the gym with his friend Cindy ) . Bean , a trainer himself , joined the gym ; he had been there a year before to check out the place . He remembered me from that time . He gave me some good tips about doing push ups . My arms should be closer together , not straight out with the elbows going out . " Start doing push ups on your knees first if you can 't put your legs straight out , " he told me . I was pleased to see Sasha , who had said the week before that she would be signing up . There were a few other unfamiliar female names on the list , but they weren 't there . Renee was back , as promised . Amy was there , but her sister Sarah had to attend a meeting at work . Alan was trying to figure out who to pair me up with for sparring . When Renee begged off , he tried to convince her . " Come on . . . Hillari 's got a fight this week and she needs the work , " Alan said , but I ended up being in the ring with Gene . But first , Gene got in the ring with one of the new guys , who 's in the above photo . Gene had told me he was feeling nervous about Friday 's boxing show . I told him not to worry about it . The minute rounds seem long , but they 're over quickly . Gene was taking some hits from the new guy , and several times , Gene was in the corner having the blood wiped off of him by Alan . Alan kept snapping at Gene to grab the other guy when he got in close . When Gene and I were in the ring , he did grab me a couple of times , which slowed down my momentum . I was really awkward the whole three rounds . " Come on , Hillari ! You have to get close to him then work your shots , " Alan said . I caught him in the corner a few times , but I couldn 't keep him there . Gene darts out of those tight spots as soon as he 's in them . Paul , Alan 's boss at his day job , held pads for me before I sparred . " The hooks are your power shots , " he told me after I had thrown a few . I got tired in the middle of the round , and it worried me . Sometimes my stamina is very good , and other days , it 's just not there . I hope it 's there on Friday . Alan told me I won 't be fighting Meg from Hamlin Park ; she 'll take on Sarah . Another person is set for me , but I have no idea who it is . I was really happy to see Jake ( on the right ) . He had decided to take a summer break from boxing . Alan joked with him about taking a fight on Friday . Jake plans to attend the show . Rich ( on the left ) was yet another new person who decided they wanted to spar that night . He and Jake mixed it up . I thought they were evenly matched . A lot of the new people took interest in the sparring that was going on . It 's unsure how many of them will want to spar . I 'll learn more as the session goes on . There wasn 't a lot of room to move around in the gym because of all the people . When Bean came in last year to look at the gym , he saw only two or three people . " I thought that was nice , it 'll be a lot of room to work out , " he told Alan . Bean had come around near the end of a session , which was why he found the gym like that . He was surprised at all the people in the gym this time . Unfortunately , as per gym history , it 'll probably thin out in a few weeks . Posted by I was so preoccupied with all the drama surrounding Ma 's death that I didn 't recognize Brandy at first when she was running towards me on the sidewalk . I was walking home after work , and she was out exercising . We said a quick " hello ! " as she continued running on . The gym opened on time , but Alan didn 't arrive until way after eight due to a meeting he had at his day job . Anthony came in , looking for Gene who didn 't come in Wednesday night . " I need to get some work in , " Anthony kept saying . He wants to fight in the boxing show next Friday . Andre decided not to attempt sparring due to his broken rib . Anthony eventually convinced Tommy ( in the photo above ) to get into the ring . Tommy kept making jokes about " I 'll go in only if 911 is called first " . He saw me with my camera and said , " Make sure you get pictures of me being beat down . I 'll need them for evidence ! " Anthony said they would go light . However , Anthony ( in the white shirt ) gave Tommy a few hard shots , including a hook to the head . Each time , Tommy had to take time out to catch his breath and clear his head . Alan kept telling Anthony to take it easy . Andre ( in the doo rag ) gave some pointers . I used Anthony 's cell phone to videotape the rounds . Tommy hung in there , but two rounds was more than enough for him . Prior to that , Sarah and I sparred . My mind wasn 't totally focused on the gym , and initially , I wasn 't too keen on sparring that night . The day before , I informed the hospital in California that I would not pay to have Ma 's body shipped back to Chicago , nor was I going to have a funeral . The cost was too high , and I wasn 't about to put that financial burden on my aunts , either . None of us are rich , and besides that , a couple of my aunts are dealing with health issues . The social worker I talked to at the hospital seemed taken aback at my attitude . I guess he doesn 't know many people who had contentious relationships with their parents . Maybe that social worker should get around more . Pastor Roger seemed a little surprised as well . He kept offering suggestions for a funeral or memorial service . " It 's a done deal . The state of California will cremate my mother 's body on their dime , " I told him . I forced myself to pay attention in the ring . Alan told me to catch Sarah 's jabs with my right hand . In between rounds , I told him , " It feels easier to catch her jabs with my left hand . " " It 's better to catch them with your right , so you can throw a jab back , " Alan explained . For the next three rounds , I did just that . After sparring , I groaned about being tired . " You ain 't tired ! What are you talking about ? You ain 't tired , " Anthony smiled . " I 'm an old woman , " I said , as I dropped my headgear to the canvas . I don 't know how well I will do against an opponent - if I have one - next Friday . But I have full confidence that Sarah will do well . Posted by Andre came in a few minutes later , followed by Amy , Sarah , and Anthony , who gave me a big hug . I hadn 't seen him in a long while . I had just went through some old entries last night and saw that I had mentioned him several times . Marcus and Gene came in also . Alan was out because Monday was Rosh Hashanah . Andre and Anthony wanted to spar , but the rules are , when the coach 's not in , no sparring takes place . But they got into the ring , promising to do some sparring drills . Anthony did not wear a mouth piece . I watched carefully so he didn 't hit Andre in the ribs . Andre has a cracked rib due to sparring with Andres the other week . Gene got in with Andre . I kept reminding Gene to keep his right hand up , as well as throw his jab out completely . Andre 's rib didn 't keep him from dancing around Gene and throwing quick punches . Andre came out , and Anthony got in , coaching Gene the whole time as they moved around . Gene had gotten tired , but Anthony encouraged him to keep punching during the last 30 seconds of the round . Sarah and Amy did sparring drills , too , but unlike the guys , they wore no headgear or mouth pieces . Sarah threw punches while Amy caught them during the first round they were in the ring . The second time around , Amy threw hooks while Sarah defended against them . I didn 't do much of a workout . My mind was distracted by the fact my mother 's body is still in San Francisco . I showed up to work this morning , and Virginia , the pastor 's wife , was there to tell me her husband was ill and wouldn 't be in . She had to leave briefly to pick up some bread for this morning 's food pantry , so I watched her little boy , Isaac . Isaac and I spent a pleasant time watching Elmo videos on YouTube until his mother returned . Everybody , including Vera and Stephanie , two of the food pantry volunteers , were surprised I had come to work . When my dad died eight years ago , I came to work that Monday because I had to take care of some work related duties . I was off the rest of the week after that , but things were different back then . I was working at a full - time job that provided benefits , and I could afford to take the time off . These days , I work two part - time jobs ( albeit in the same place ) , I don 't get benefits , and any time lost at work is lost wages . The main job of dealing with Dad 's funeral arrangements fell to my stepmother , but he had insurance to cover things . As far as I know , Ma had no insurance or money , and as her only living child , everything falls on me . So I half - heartedly shadow boxed , and I barely hit the bags . The rest of the time was spent watching everybody else run drills . I was the last one out of the gym . I walked home alone in the rain , my mind still distracted . Posted by The woman in the photo above was my mother . This picture was taken on her 40th birthday in 1972 . She died yesterday . Ma was 79 years old . As you can see , she was petite . Ma stood about 5 ' 3 " . After struggling for ten years to lose the baby weight from having kids , she made sure she never weighed more than 130 pounds . The photo above was taken on Christmas Day of 1973 , three years after she gave the kids a short boxing lesson to help us ward off being picked on at school . I 'm the kid on the left showing all of my teeth . My late younger sister is in the middle , and my late youngest brother is the boy on the right . I have touched on the fact that Ma and I didn 't get along . But I have to give her credit for teaching us how to fight . Ma was a little woman , but she packed a very hard punch . Unlike today 's kids , my siblings and I , our cousins , kids in the neighborhood , our schoolmates , and most kids in general got spankings when we got out of line . Believe me , it was better when she came at me with a belt or her shoe than with her fists . I 've knocked a couple of people out during sparring with my right hand . But I still don 't believe that my right is as potent as Ma 's right hand was . I 've got to practice more to get up to her level . As promised , here are videos of sparring at Loyola Park Boxing Gym . I thought I 'd start off with an oldie but goodie . This first video is of Paul and JJ sparring a few years ago . Both of them are professional boxers now . In this photo , Alan instructs Gene on keeping his hands up and moving at the same time . He had also told Sarah about surveying a situation - - while in the same position - - and picking her shots . All of us that were in the gym Wednesday night ( Amy , Sarah , Tommy , Gene , Marcus ) sparred with each other . Amy had only sparred once before , and that was with her sister Sarah . Sarah convinced her to get in the ring to move around with her so she could work on defense . Turns out that Amy , although she rarely spars , has a good jab . The two sisters were in the ring for about two rounds . Amy stopped and looked down after taking a hit from her sister . " What happened ? Did you lose a contact lens ? " Alan asked . Amy backed up into a corner and put her head up . " No , the mouthpiece slipped . I haven 't worn it in awhile , " she answered . Sarah didn 't go very hard on Amy , but she did when she I sparred that night . I did get some hooks in to her head , but very few of them . Most times , Sarah 's long arms would block my short ones before I could reach up to get any in . One of her punches landed on top of my head , and I backed up . " If you can 't reach her head , then hit the place closest to you , which would be the body , " Alan told me . When Sarah sparred with Tommy , she took some good shots to the head and face , but she kept right on going . Alan and I were impressed . Whoever they put Sarah up against at the upcoming boxing show is going to have another thought coming if they think they 're going to give her a hard blow and stop her . It 's not going to happen . I also sparred with Gene , and he slips punches a lot . Some well - timed hooks of mine got him a couple of times , but that was it . The rest of the time , Gene deftly avoided the hooks and most of the body shots I attempted . Gene also did well against Marcus , as shown in this photo . His straight punches were landing cleanly and crisply . However , Marcus can throw some bombs . He got Gene with several of them . I do have videos of the sparring action , but I will put them in another entry later on . Luckily , there 's no video of me sparring last night ; I told Alan that I felt very clumsy . I have a bad habit of getting out of form . I 'll put my right leg forward when throwing a right punch , when all I 'm supposed to do is turn the back foot . While executing some punches , I end up turning all the way around . A lot of times , I 'm out of balance , even when I 'm practicing on the bags . There 's always something to work and improve on , and balance is another of those things . There 's always entertainment to be had in the gym , and Alan , one of the many comedians on the premises , provided some . It was reported here in a previous post that Igor has a habit of changing out of his pants in full view of everyone into his boxing shorts . Alan normally goes out of the room to change into his shorts , but he decided to take a page from Igor . I 'll put it like this : Alan 's boxers aren 't as ugly as the ones I 've seen Igor wearing . But my late dad still holds the crown for wearing the ugliest boxers I 've ever seen in my life . Posted by Monday evening 's crowd consisted of Alan , Sarah , Amy , Renee , Gene , Igor and myself . The coach 's desk above was the cleanest that Alan or I had seen it in awhile . " Barry must have did it , " I said . " Just as well , because most of the stuff was his , " Alan said . He found a big picture featuring Barry and Gary when they were younger . In the photo , Barry has a full head of hair . These days , Barry keeps his head bald . " Barry should have put this up somewhere . This is a classic photo , " Alan commented before he found a spot in the gym for it . Of course , Igor did not spar twelve rounds as he promised . He stuck around for a little bit to watch Gene and I spar , but he left earlier than usual . Gene and I did three rounds and a half . He moves quickly , and after awhile , I couldn 't find the strength to catch up with him . Gene ducks punches very quickly . I get trying to get hooks in , and I was not successful most of the time . I 'm beginning to rely too much on hooks , I think , instead of putting extra time in to make sure I 'm doing the straight punches correctly . Gene kept dropping his right hand . In between a round , Alan told him , " I wish I could spar , because I 'd get you for that . Keep that hand up to your head like Velcro . " Sarah was in next with Gene . I felt Sarah and Gene were a good match because they both have long reaches . " Don 't take any of your gear off because you 're going back in , " Alan told me . A hot flash was making my head feel very hot , but I left the headgear on . After standing in front of the fan for a moment , the heat went down a little . Their time ended early when debris from Sarah 's gloves got behind one of Gene 's contact lenses . Sarah and I had sort of a war going on , but it didn 't go as far as it could . I was too busy worrying about my shorts falling down . Maybe that 's a sign that I 'm losing weight . I haven 't been eating out nearly as much as I used to do , and I 've been cooking - - more or less - - at home . The shorts kept slipping , and I thought I was going to be showing that day 's panties for real . I asked Alan a couple of times to pull them up , as I couldn 't because of the gloves on my hands . He laughed , " Hillari , you 're showing a prison move . " I guess if they had fallen , I would have just had to be embarrassed . After the sparring , Alan ran drills with Gene , partially to make sure that Gene keeps his hands up . I noticed that Gene was dropping his right hand a lot , but I couldn 't capitalize on it while we were sparring . I sat down for a couple of rounds while the two men were in the ring . Sarah ( seen in the background of this photo with her sister Amy exercising with a medicine ball ) hit me in the face with a jab . I felt the sting and kept going , as usual . But when I sat down , the delayed reaction set in . " I was stunned by that punch , " I thought , as I felt a little dizzy . I closed my eyes a few times as I leaned back against the lockers . I heard Alan tell Sarah that she should come in more with straight punches and use her arm reach . If she does that , she 'll have no problem with an opponent during the upcoming boxing show . Antoine , who usually trains with Barry , came in for a minute . " Who 's fighting in the boxing show ? " he asked . " Sarah and I plan to get fights , but I don 't know about the guys . Most of them haven 't been in for awhile , " I answered . Time is getting short . Sarah and Amy commented that there were only two weeks left before that show takes place . Alan told me that the other night he had Neapolitan sherbet - - a whole tub - - followed by a couple of small cups of Italian ice . " That was dinner , " he smiled . " I wish I could eat all of that sugary stuff on a regular basis like I used to do , " I sighed . I 've cut down eating out to once on the weekends . I wanted to get some ice cream , but I didn 't get around to it . Then Alan told me he 'd gone to Superdawg for a couple of their very delicious hot dogs . " Now you 've got me thinking about that ! I 'll have to take a trip up there this weekend , " I said . That place is a long haul from the house on public transportation . It 's up near the northwestern suburbs . But the food is worth the trip . Alan was working out with his kettle bell again . I keep thinking about the ones I have , and how I need to use them . Laziness about exercising outside of the gym is a battle I fight all the time . Posted by Name doesn 't ring a bell ? Okay . For the benefit of those who aren 't as old as me , or who have forgotten , Bernie Kopell is an actor who is known for his mastery of dialects . The first photo above of him on the phone was when he was on the 1960 's TV comedy " Get Smart " . Mr . Kopell played Sigfried , a German KAOS spy who often crossed paths with the hero of the show , Maxwell Smart . Sigfried 's character didn 't appear in many episodes , but the character is one of the most memorable from that show . " It seemed like I was on a lot because they 've rerun that show so much , " Mr . Kopell explained to me . He had been appearing on that show , and episodes of another sitcom , " That Girl " , at the same time . Mr . Kopell went on to play cruise ship doctor Adam Bricker on " The Love Boat " , a popular series that began in the late 1970 's . Why am I talking about Bernie Kopell on a boxing blog ? He asked me what I did for a living . " I 'm a church secretary by day , and an amateur boxer at night , " I replied . He looked at me with surprise . " Really ? Women 's boxing and women 's MMA are really popular . I love boxing . My dad used to take me to fights when I was a kid , " he said . We started talking about the Andre Ward - Chad Dawson fight that took place the night before . I didn 't see the fight , but I had read the results online . Mr . Kopell had missed the initial broadcast , but was able to catch a repeat of the match this morning . " Ward is a fantastic fighter . Dawson is a great fighter too , but he wasn 't a great fighter against Andre Ward last night , " he said . " I worked at an event years ago with the boxer who broke Ali 's jaw , " he told me . " Frazier ? Foreman ? " I asked , racking my brain . " No , not them . . . , " Mr . Kopell said . " I know . Ken Norton ! " I said . " That 's who it was , " he smiled . I told him about sparring with men most of the time because most of the women who have come to the gym don 't want to do that . " Wow , that is something else ! " he commented . Bill Mumy , who was a cast member on the old science - fiction TV series , " Lost In Space " came over to bid goodbye to Mr . Kopell . " Watch out , she boxes ! She might knock you out , Bill , " Mr . Kopell joked . Mumy laughed , put his fingers up in a peace sign and said to me , " Peace ! Peace ! " I also met Barbara Feldon , who played Agent 99 on " Get Smart " . She had a table next to Mr . Kopell . Turns out that in addition to some celebrities who actually boxed when they were younger ( Martin Lawrence , Robert Conrad , Jackie Gleason , for example ) , there appear to be a lot who are fight fans . It always surprising to me to hear of celebrities who like boxing , as it seems so many promote the usual - - football , baseball , and basketball . But it was very nice to meet another boxing fan who also happens to be one of my favorite actors . Posted by Alan took this picture of Sarah practicing her hooks on the larger of the two heavy bags in the gym . Earlier , she was asking Alan about which way the fist should be when throwing hooks . Some have their fist parallel to the floor with their pinky finger down and thumb on top . Others hold their fist with their palm face down so their knuckles connect full on . Alan showed her both ways . There wasn 't a lot of people in the gym Wednesday evening , but most of us who were there got busy sparring . First up was Gene vs . Andres . Alan kept admonishing Gene to keep his right hand up . Andres took advantage of the fact that Gene 's right hand was down a lot . Andre ( in the red headgear ) stepped inside the squared circle with Andres next . Andre is smaller and quicker than Andres , so he was able to evade the bigger man 's punches most of the time . But as shown in the photo above , Andres did catch Andre off guard a few times . During their last round , Andres hit Andre with something - - I didn 't exactly see what punch it was - - but it stopped Andre for a moment . Andre 's nose began to bleed . The timer bell was on yellow , and Alan told Andre that he might as well come out of the ring . Andre was ready to finish the round , but then the timer bell went to red , and that was the end of that . " It happens in boxing , " Andre said when Andres apologized . I think I had just thrown a right hook at Andres in this shot . He avoided it , as well as the left hooks I kept trying to get in . Andres wasn 't throwing many punches back while we sparred . Alan noticed it , too , and he told him to throw some back at me . This was one of many moments where I had Andres against the ropes . Alan kept saying " Dig in ! " but I usually throw so many , then I back up to give the other person a chance to get off the ropes and breathe . I always remember a Laila Ali fight where she was raining down punches on an opponent , and then she stepped back to give the other person a chance to answer the punches . But when the other boxer didn 't , Ali got a look on her face that said , " Oh , well . I gave you a chance , " and she rushed back in to continue battering the woman with punches . Take a good look , folks . This is the last time a picture of Igor will appear on this blog unless he just happens to be in a shot I took of someone or something else in the gym . Alan took the pictures of Andres and I in the ring . Igor was on his way out of the door , and he stopped to say good night to Alan . Regardless of the fact that he saw that Alan was trying to pay attention to what Andres and I were doing , and the fact that Alan had my camera in his hand , Igor kept up his usual nonsense babbling . He convinced Alan to take a picture of him . Imagine my annoyance when I uploaded the pictures later to see this shot . later . I 'll delete the picture permanently from my camera . Igor told Alan that he 's going to spar for 12 rounds on Monday . Seeing how Igor hasn 't really sparred one round to completion , not even when Steve was the coach of the gym , I highly doubt the possibility of that happening . While I 'm still on the subject , you know another thing that irritates me about Igor ? He 'll see someone shadow boxing in the mirror , then step right in front of them to look at himself in the mirror like the other person 's not even there . The next time he does that to me , I 'm going to snap , " I wear glasses for a reason , Igor . What 's your excuse ? " Or better yet , I 'll use an expression that kids used to say when I was in grade school . If one kid was blocking another from seeing something , like the blackboard , for example , one kid would say , " Hey ! Your daddy 's not a glassmaker ! " On Tuesday , while I was on my way home from work , I ran into Matthieu . Yesterday , I saw Renee , who told me that she wasn 't able to complete the summer session due to a lot going on at work . But she 's signed up for the fall session , and she plans to come in before then to get back into the swing of things . Gene appears game to fight at Loyola 's boxing show later this month , and Sarah appears to be on board , too . I wondered aloud what would happen if neither Sarah or I had opponents at the show . Would we fight each other ? Alan told me that it could be a possibility . I 've seen many boxing shows where boxers from the same field house fought each other . Years ago , during a Garfield Park boxing show , two sisters who trained there fought each other in a match . People in the audience who knew the teenage girls were related questioned the wisdom of George , the coach over there , for making that match . However , a park district boxing show has to fill two hours with eight to ten fights , so the matchmakers have to do what they have to do to fill the card . Posted by
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My sister and I have 3 horses that we trail ride - - a Morab , a Morgan and a Morgan mix . This blog is all about them . By the way , check out my two books " Trail Training for the Horse and Rider " and " Trail Horse Adventures and Advice . I also have the most adorable , loveable cat named Thunder . I call him a mini Maine Coon . He is the light of my life when things go wrong . He will always listen to me and try to comfort and cheer me up . He does a pretty good job of it , too . I thought of this one when I brought my plants in for the winter . Thunder is fascinated and loves poking around in them . He doesn 't try to eat the plants , too much , but to discourage him from that idea , I put long stalks of grass from outside in them . We had a nice , horse weekend . The river wasn 't crossable , but our younger niece came out , and she made it fun for us . I started out riding Cole in the arena . He had a lackluster day . I then let my niece take him down the hill to the river . He was pretty good for her , and she is getting used to his bouncy walk down hills . When we got to the bottom , we let her trot on the flat part a bunch of times . Cole has a normal trail trot , and she was posting is beautifully . ( She can 't manage his arena trot , but most people can 't . ) I think she had fun with him . He was fine going back up the hill . Then , we saddled up Cruiser and Ranger . My sister came with us on foot . We did the hill 3 times . At the bottom , we did do some trotting , and Cruiser showed his true colors as he burst past Ranger at a canter . Once he got in the lead , he was happy to trot . Ranger handled it well - but then he is used to it from Cruiser . May Cruiser never grow old … Sunday , the river was low enough , so my sister and I took Ranger and Cole up to the show ring trails and had a really nice ride . It was a frosty morning - glad we had our thermal underwear on ! I then took Cruiser on a quick 5 - mile ride . He was in a great mood . We rode across the ford , and the only 2 motorcycles to brave the chilliness had to pass us when we were in the middle of it . He got scared and tried to run off towards home , but I was able to contain him . That certainly got our adrenaline going . It took a while to settle him down . These are pictures of the house my brother and I bought . We are going to make some revisions to it and then rent it out . Isn 't it cute ? It isn 't as big as it looks in the pictures , though . Last night was farrier night . my sister and I come out to the barn after work . Sometimes , the farrier gets there before us because he does another horse at our stables . When he finishes , he starts Cruise and Ranger . He waits for me to do Cole so I could help with holding him . When I got there , my sister was talking to him and there were no horses in the crossties . I was surprised and wondered what was going on . My sister said that they started Cole , and he was so bad that they put him in the stall to wait for me to get there . I was disappointed . I have been working hard the last 2 weeks reviewing his training . She said he was kicking and rearing and biting - now , I started to get skeptical . That didn 't sound like my Cole Train . She was kidding . He was perfect . The only thing he did wrong was nibble the farrier and chew the crossties . When she got there , he was nearly done and only wanted to know if I wanted the shoes back on or not . Alas , with the impending doom of winter , snow , ice , cold and a frozen river that we won 't cross , we decided to pull Ranger 's and Cole 's shoes . I leave them on Cruiser because he seems to need the support with his healed bowed tendon and carpal tunnel syndrome . Last year when I pulled them , he quickly became lame . He did fine when I put them back on . ( The vet said to keep them on , but I thought I would see what happened … ) The ponies get the day off , today . I am going to a local play with my boyfriend . We will be back on Saturday with my youngest niece … There was only a little daylight after work and the river was too high to cross , again . I rode Cruiser up and down the hill three times . He was quite energetic , and even did some gaiting up the hill . ( Cruiser has standard gaits , but he also does a stepping pace when he is excited . He can get quite fast . He must have gotten it from his Morgan side , as there are gaited Morgans . ) When we got back to the barn , it started to rain , lightly . Perfect timing . It rained the rest of the night . I worked Cole in the arena . Since I took him on the 2 . 5 hour trail ride with a lot of trotting just the day before , I planned a quiet ride . I 'm glad to say he had just as much energy as a typical day . Still , I didn 't push him too hard . We did some trotting , got our 10 clickable walk / trot transitions , worked on our corners and straight sides at a walk , threw in some trotting and then started something new - walk / whoa transitions using the reins . I might have taught him that last year , but he stops quite well with a verbal command - I have gotten lazy . I realized we needed to get a solid stop with the reins . It didn 't take long - maybe 5 tries and he understood it . I only clicked him for perfect halts . I will review this lesson a lot , since it is a good one for warm ups and walk breaks . We then had to show off to everyone how he picks up my whip if I drop it . he loves picking things up , so it is a good way to reward him for being such a good boy . The trails by our barn do not form any sort of loop . Basically , we ride out to our desired distance , turn around and come back . There are a few tiny loops , but they join the main trail , so the horses get that definite feeling that they are headed home . Most horses will travel faster on the way home than on the way out - that is a given . Horses like to be home where their friends are . This doesn 't happen if we are riding Cruiser and Ranger together . They seem to feel that they are the herd and there is nothing to rush home to . By themselves , though , they step up the pace , too . We have practiced trotting towards home with Ranger , and Cole seems happy to follow along at the speed of Range . It taught him a lot . Now , it was time to work on doing it alone . As of writing this , we have gone on 3 long rides as described above . We did do some trotting towards home for short stretches with mixed results . On the third ride , we went further than ever . I didn 't want to do a lot of walking back because it would have taken forever . It was time to work on long stretches of trotting back to the herd . Shortly after turning around to go towards home , I asked him to trot . He went very , very fast . After about ten seconds with no slowing , regardless of what I did , I decided it was time to start all over . Cole reluctantly stopped when I asked him to . We walked a bit , and then I asked him to trot . This time , he went even faster , and before I knew it , we were cantering - and he didn 't want to stop . I had to do the old " swerve to the left - swerve to the right " a few times to slow him down . Once he got to the trot , I turned him around a tree until he was going away from home , and we walked a little bit . It was clear that I had to come up with a plan . We were heading back towards home , and I asked him for a trot . A few strides later , before he could gain speed , I said " whoa " and clicked for the stop . We did that a few more times . Each time , he was more cooperative about stopping . I got his attention . My next step was to allow him to trot , and this time click him for slowing down when I asked him . We did this 4 - 5 times - I don 't remember how many times - and each time , he improved , but I noticed that he didn 't stop right away to get his treat . He kind of just coasted down to a walk . The flash bulb went off . I didn 't need clicker , now . What Cole really wanted was to keep trotting . I would use that as my reward . I asked him to trot , and of course , he rushed off , again . I asked him to slow down , and when he did , I eased up on the reins , told him how good he was and let him just continue to trot at that nice speed . If he didn 't slow down , I would stop him and try it , again . ( This actually didn 't happen , but it was part of the plan . ) He made the connection . I didn 't have any more troubles with him the rest of the way home . When he sped up more than I wanted him , I asked him to slow , he did and then we just went on our merry way . We did a fair amount of transitions , threw in some walk breaks and smiled all the while . We walked the last half hour except for one section of trail that was fairly close to home . I wanted to test him . We were close enough that Cruiser and Ranger will sometimes give us trouble if we trot there . We trotted 3 separate trots on that trail . The first two were perfect , but the last one , he didn 't respond to my slow down requests . He still stopped , though , when I asked him . Overall , I think it was an excellent training session . The active training part didn 't take much more than 5 minutes . The rest was easy . Clicker helped , but figuring out that sometimes there are things that are more important than carrots helped , too . Clicker merely explained to him what I wanted . It was a two and a half hour ride , with nearly an hour and a half of trotting . The weather was perfect and my horse just keeps getting better and better . I sure wish winter wasn 't right around the corner … Thursday , the river was too high . We rode Cruiser and Ranger up and down the hill 3 times . I worked with Cole in the arena , and we had fun . My sister rode him for a little bit , and it was nice because then I could watch him . He is quite a sight . I then led him down to the river as a reward . Friday , the river was still way to high to cross . This time , we rode Cruiser and Ranger in the arena , too , so we could get some good exercise . Cruiser is doing so much better this year than last . I am optimistic that we may be able to get back some of what we used to have … Ranger did very well , too . We then rode them down the hill , once . I rode Cole in the arena . A woman who had seen him last week came over to video him to show her daughter . When she left , Cole started to do some amazing things . His one fault in trotting is that he has been carrying his head too low . I didn 't push the issue , but just gave him time to find himself . Well , he trotted a few steps with his head in the correct position , so I clicked him . Being a good clicker horse , he then repeated it right away . I clicked him about 10 times for it , and then just let him keep trotting . My sister videoed him for me so I could affirm that his gait was still proper . I 'm glad to say it was . We practiced it for about 5 minutes , and at the end , he started some new movement that felt like floating . I don 't know what he did , but my sister said it was beautiful . She had already put her camera away . We quit , then , and went down the hill to the river . Then we waited for the vet to come out to give fall shots . She also did Cole and Ranger 's teeth . Cruiser was fine . Saturday , the river was still too high . We rode Cruiser and Ranger on the hill . Cole 's arena ride was a little shorter because the arena got too crowded to work . He was trotting with his head up , again , but he also discovered he could go faster that way ! We were trotting like we were on the trail - channeling his Dan Patch heritage ( famous Standardbred he is related to . ) When he slowed up , I clicked him . Since we quit early , I don 't know how it would have developed . We then went down the hill . Sunday , we were finally able to cross the river and took Cole and Ranger out together for an hour and a half . It was a gorgeous day . Ranger was feeling his oats , and he did lots of silly things . Cole was consistently well - behaved . I took Cruiser out for a 5 - mile blast , and we had a terrific time . Finally , a trail - riding day ! ! ! It was a lovely night for riding , yesterday . My boyfriend got in the saddle before I got there - I got caught in traffic . I saddled up Cruiser , and away we went to meet his buddy Starry . Cruiser knew the game , and as usual , I had to keep slowing him down . We met them about 20 minutes later , and I talked my boyfriend into turning around and continuing with us until the next river crossing . it was such a pretty night , that it didn 't take much coaxing . Even his horse didn 't mind turning away from home - but of course , he had his best friend , Cruiser with him . I rode Cole in the indoor arena . You may recall that I have had some confidence issues with him in there . My confidence , not his . Well , I rode with 4 other horses , and I trotted all around with them . I think I have finally slain the dragon . He was as well - behaved as always . I think we will be able to manage winter with riding in the indoor arena with all the other horses just fine , this year . He was doing his " big trot . " We were riding with big TBs and a QH , and they were quietly plodding about . Then here comes tiny ( 14 . 2 ) Cole Train - boom - boom - boom - boom … trotting like a dressage king . He doesn 't go that fast . When he trots like that , he slows the beat down and steps with great power . He was quite a contrast to the horses we were with . The weather was great on Thursday . My sister and I planned to go on our favorite ride with Cole and Ranger up to the show ring . 10 minutes down the trail , we had to turn around . The electric company was trimming the trees under the wires by the trail . To make matters worse , the trail that we would take to get away from them goes out to the street by a bridge - and there were construction workers repairing it . They were blocking the trail . we turned around and went the other direction on the trail . ( Later on , they were using a jackhammer on the bridge - I 'm so glad we didn 't try to get through the construction . ) We went on a nice ride , just the same , for about an hour and a half total . We did a lot of trotting and managed a little bit of cantering . The foliage was gorgeous and the temperature was moderate . Thursday night , it rained pretty hard , and the river that is close by the start of the trail was too high to cross . We rode Cruiser up and down the hill leading to the river 3 times . I then worked Cole in the indoor arena . He did pretty good , and he earned a lot of clicks . I woman that I know was visiting our barn , and she had never seen Cole in action . I told her to watch him trot , and she was stunned . I love seeing people 's reactions to his trot . She is going to have some of her dressage friends come out to see him . It is amazing that the horse I bought for a trail horse has so much natural talent . I tried to canter him with no success . I then took him down to the river to cool off . Saturday was extremely windy . My sister was hesitant to go out , but I talked her into a short ride with Cruiser . They were fine , and no trees fell . ( We have experienced so many tree falls while riding , I have lost count . ) I then took Cole on the same distance ride with the plan of working on our canter transitions . I planned on clicking him for the transition . Well , that didn 't work . He slammed on the breaks so fast to get his treat that we went sliding ! We had to stick with " good boys " after that . We had some good ones , and we had some bad ones . The bad ones consisted of big bucks from excitement . We were going on the same trail over and over . I moved down to a different section of trail , and I got a good transition but more speed than I wanted . I rode it out , tried it again and he was more reasonable . My last transition was excellent and the speed was right . I hope he remembers our lessons that we had this day . Sunday , my sister and I decided to go on our show ring ride that we wanted to do on Thursday . After about a half hour , it started to rain lightly . We figured it wouldn 't last . We rode on to our destination and all the way home in the rain . It rained all day … Cole was in a funny mood , so it wasn 't the best of rides . Every now and then , he gets that way . He bolted / spooked a couple times and tried passing Ranger without permission . He wasn 't as relaxed , either . Still , he went down the big hill the best , ever . Since it was still raining , Cruiser got the day off . we just led him in the indoor arena for a half hour to help with his insulin . He seemed happy just to follow us around . He likes to walk with me on one side and my sister on the other side , so he can take turns nuzzling us . On Monday afternoon , I saw what the weather forecast looked like , I wasn 't too busy at work , so I decided to take yesterday off . What a great decision . The weather was perfect for trail riding . My sister works second shift and usually rides in the mornings . I took Cruiser with her and Ranger for a short ride . She was really happy to have the company . When we got back , she went to work and I saddled up Cole . We were going to go on our second long solo ride . Unlike last week , the river was low , so we crossed at all 4 crossings . I didn 't like the third crossing . There was no good path through the big rocks . Cole was a dream going through them , though . From now on , I will be going on the river ford as I have the last few years with Cruiser . We had a few issues . We went through the busy intersection , and once we reached the trail , he bolted forward . I was able to stop him right away , but then he did it about 30 seconds later . Once again , I stopped him . Shortly after , on the other side of thanks , big river , he bolted up the bank . I didn 't know what to make of it , but I started trotting , and he went really , really fast for the first minute . I then decided he was just responding to excitement . He didn 't do it any after that . We trotted a lot on the way out , and once he settled , he did pretty well . A few times , he stopped on his own , but that was the only problem . We also trotted on the way home when we were far away . At first , he was steady and responsive when I asked him to return to a walk , but the closer we got to home , the faster he went and the less cooperative he was about stopping . Of course , that is what I would expect . I was clicking all of his good downward transitions on the way home . I didn 't click the bad ones . He wasn 't too concerned about the Brookpark Bridge , this time . I clicked him for that . He was a little worried when he saw the 480 bridge , but he did better than he did with the Brookpark Bridge last week . I clicked for good behavior . We turned around just past the second bridge to go home . A few times , on the way home , he tried to trot without permission , and I brought him to a halt and started again . To help explain what I wanted , I then clicked a few times for a quiet walk . He then saw the light , and stayed at a walk . We planned to walk the last half hour home , but 15 minutes into it , we found my boyfriend on his horse , Starry . He wanted to go on a longer ride , so I turned back with Cole and rode away from home for a while . Cole didn 't like that , and he tried to spin to go home , once . We put Starry ahead of him , and then he quietly followed him . I clicked him a few times for that , too . We made it home . With my backtracking with Starry , the ride turned out to be 2 hours and 45 minutes . It was a little longer than expected . I am giving him this evening off , and I will just ride Cruiser in the rain . Yes , after 10 days of sun , the rain is back . At least we got a break after a rainy , rainy year . Friday was just a quick trail ride on Cruiser before sunset . I then rode Cole in the arena . I am so glad I am going to start feeding on Friday evenings next month . We are supposed to feed at 8 : 00 , and the feeder fed at 6 : 45 . It is just hay , so I let Cole eat while I cleaned our stalls . When I was done , I took him in the arena . Wow , was he crabby . He kept trying to go to the gate , didn 't pay as good attention as he usually does and just didn 't want to cooperate . This is the first time I have taken him away from his hay for an arena ride . Sure , a horse should learn to behave under such adverse conditions , but I would just prefer not to go through it all . I have been feeding on Mondays and Wednesdays , and it is great that I can control the feeding time . The little bit of money helps , too . Saturday , my sister and I took Cruise and Ranger on a 5 mile ride with a lot of walking so we could talk . I then took Cole on the same ride alone with a lot of trotting and some cantering . He had trouble getting going into the canter , but when he did , he flew . I 'm glad to say I didn 't have any trouble stopping , but he was very excited , after that . it took a bit to calm him down . I need to do more cantering with him . Sunday , we took Cole and Ranger up to the show ring area , and there we did lots of trotting - more than ever . He was nearly perfect , too . We did the front loop trail , which we haven 't been doing with them , and they were both great . These trails are right by a stable that we used to keep Cruise , Ranger and Mingo . They have been silly up there , ever since . They get excited about going towards that barn , and pout when we leave it . Cole , of course , isn 't doing this - he is the opposite . This works to our advantage . I am trying to teach him to trot quietly towards home . Since Ranger is pouting and trotting slow , and since we have worked hard to teach Cole not to pass other horses without permission , he will trot slowly behind Ranger . I then took Cruise on a 4 . 5 mile ride . He did great , of course . He always does . My goal with Cole is to get him as good as Cruiser - and it seems like we are going to make it ! Plus , since I am older and wiser , I am teaching Cole things to make him better than Cruiser . ( Such as not passing up other horses , not trying to race and better downward transitions . ) Long weekend coming up … Last month , I was so frustrated with the weather . Only once , near the beginning of the month , I was able to ride Cole with Ellen on Ranger past the big river . From then on , even though we took vacation time , we never had another chance to repeat the ride . I wanted to do it a couple more times with Ranger before I tried it on my own . It just didn 't work out the way I planned . The first weekend of October came and went without us stepping one hoof on the other side of the river . where is all this rain coming from ? That weekend , there was an article in the newspaper stating that we are nearing the record for the rainiest recorded year in Cleveland . I was getting antsy about going on a long ride with Cole . I decided I would do it with or without Ellen - whichever came first . As soon as I got a chance , I would take a day off of work and go . The weather took a turn for the better , and on the first Tuesday of the month , I decided the first Wednesday of the month would be perfect . I got the day off from my job . Everything was set . That is , until I found out the river was still very , very high on Tuesday afternoon . Ugh . I woke up Wednesday morning with a smile on my face . This was going to be the big day , if I could only cross the river . I decided to take Cruiser for a short ride , first . As we neared the river , I couldn 't believe it was still on the high side . In fact , it was higher than any day I have ever crossed with Cole . I carefully crossed with Cruiser with no problems , got some good trotting in and brought him back to the barn . Next horse , Cole Train . It was cool and sunny ; a perfect day to ride . My pockets were loaded with carrots . I was all set for our big adventure . The first challenge was crossing the river . He didn 't like the looks of it and was very hesitant as we neared it . I asked him to step forward into the water . As soon as he did , I clicked and treated him . That got his attention . He knew the game . It was well over his knees , which isn 't so bad , butt the current was very strong . I clicked every few steps . About halfway across , he plunged his face into the water and started drinking . This was a first . He has never drunk from the river before , regardless how hot the weather was . We walked to the other side and turned left . This is also a first . We have only gone solo to the right , reserving the other direction for rides with Ranger to the show ring . He seemed a little surprised and hesitant to start with , but soon he was walking along happily . I decided to cross the next river crossing instead of going on the concrete ford like we usually do with Ellen . ( She prefers it to the river . ) I have had a little trouble with him , here , in the past , but he stepped right in . I clicked him . It was deeper over here , but the current was very slow , so I wasn 't concerned about it . Neither was he . We made it across without any difficulty . The next section of trail is a great place to trot , so we moved on out . He was excited and went a bit faster than he typically does with Ranger . Once , he burst into a canter . Yes , Cole was in a good mood . The next big obstacle with another river crossing . I opted to go on the concrete ford with the cars on this one . I am just not very familiar with that river crossing to try it on a day when the water was deep and muddy . Only single car passed us . I clicked him a lot for walking quietly . So far , so good . It was only about 5 minutes later that we reached the " big " river crossing . It was very deep and ominous looking . Though we crossed it last time with Ranger , I decided to go on the bridge with the cars . This is a pretty long bridge , and we go alongside the rail that overlooks the river below . I didn 't know how he would do his first time , but he proved , once again , that he is a wonderful horse . It helped that the " horse gods " were looking out for us , and not single car passed us , again ! He got lots of clicks . Once we got to the other side , I breathed a sigh of relief . There were no more roads or rivers to cross until we turned back for home . Now it was just time to ride and have fun . So we did . We did a lot of trotting , and after about 5 minutes , he settled down to a moderate speed and a nice even rhythm . Finally , I was riding the way I like to . We approached the Brookpark Bridge . It spans the whole valley and is huge . I forgot that it looked scary , but Cole told me right away . One of the legs of the bridge is very close to the trail , and from that spot , we can see the whole underbelly of the bridge . Throw in the noise of the cars going overhead , and it all looked and sounded like a horse eating monster ! This was the first time ever that Cole was truly afraid of something while I was riding him . He refused to go under the bridge . Instead , he showed me how good he has gotten at backing up . I asked him to stop , and when he did , I sighed and had him stand quietly while I talked to him . About 30 seconds later , I asked him to take a step , and he did . I clicked him for it , and I noticed him relax a little as he took the treat from my hand . I asked for a few more steps , which he took readily , and I clicked again . We kept this up until we got to the other side . Since I knew the next bridge is only a half mile away , I decided to turn back and go home instead of overload him emotionally . I turned , and he said , " No way ! That 's a horse - eating monster ! " We repeated the whole process until we got to the other side . On the way back , we did short stretches of trotting , and we would stop when he got too excited . Trotting home always gets horses a bit wound up the first few times . I want him to form good habits . So I don 't like him to practice the bad ones . Besides , I want the walk to be his default gait . I spent too many rides convincing him that he should walk quietly when he preferred to trot , to mess it up now . At one point , I gave him a long walk break , and then when I asked him to trot , he was perfect . I think I just gave him a chance to realize he was tired ! Back at the bridge over the big river crossing - we now had to ride on the other side . In one sense , it is easier because we can take the paved bike path that is by the side of the road - keeping us out of traffic . On the other hand , it is a little more complicated because we have to go between the bridge rail on one side and the rail of the pathway on the other . Some horses are bothered by them . Not Cole . The other difficulty is sharing the path with bikes passing right next to us . There , we lucked out , since not a single bike came by . I think he would have been fine , but it is nice to introduce him to something new without anything else to mess things up . The rest was easy . The river ford was uneventful . A few minutes later , I found Kevin on Starry coming out to meet us , and we went home with them . Cole seemed tired , and didn 't even care that Starry was there . He just walked quietly home . The ride was 2 and a quarter hours of heavenly bliss for me . I am hoping it is the first of many more . We have had more than 20 inches rain above normal this year , and we are closing in to break a record . What does this mean ? We had another rained out weekend . Friday , I rode Cruiser on the hill to the river and Cole in the arena . Saturday , we rode all the horses in the arena , as it was raining . Sunday , we took Cruiser and Ranger on the hill . I rode Cole in the arena , and then we headed to the hill , too . Monday , I rode Cruiser on the hill . I think I may be able to cross the river , tomorrow . This is simply ridiculous . We are supposed to have a good run of dry weather , for a while . I hope so . I have more vacation scheduled , and I want to get some good rides in . A Happy Starry Kevin has owned Starry D for a few years , now . He is a really good horse for Kevin . He 's friendly , gentle and usually list . . . I figured out what our dog is . She is a Sprollie - - a Border Collie / Spaniel mix . Whether she was intentional or an accident , we will never k . . . I only had enough daylight to ride Cruise on trail . We went with my boyfriend and Starry . It was a very nice ride . When I got back , I d . . .
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he program about the wonders of the Amazon Forest couldn 't hold her attention . She had blinked , and things were changing around her that she couldn 't stop . First , Uncle Terry running himself ragged for a total stranger , and now this ? He was seeing Emily McCall ? It stunned her , kind of like hearing one of your parents was thinking of leaving and breaking up the family . Only not as bad , since Uncle Terry wasn 't married into this family ; he was just forever and always a permanent part of it . Abby rubbed the dull ache forming between her eyes . She didn 't usually get headaches , but today was proving to be different . Maybe it was because of the flu . " Sweetheart ? " Mom came to the kitchen doorway with an apron cinched about her waist . " Would you get your coat ? Your father would like you to step outside . " The tone , coupled with the words , put a grim knot in Abby 's stomach . She had more than a little hunch she was in trouble . Not like she really needed a summons to know it . The look on Dad 's face when he 'd left the living room had been enough . Getting up , Abby went to Uncle Terry 's room to get her coat and shoes . She spotted the umbrella next to the dresser and took it with her , just in case the weather changed its mind and decided to dish out something heavier than a drizzle . Though this was the rainy season for Upstate New York , God seemed to be overdoing it with all the wet and gloom . Abby caught herself complaining , and moved down the hall into the living room . God never did anything by accident . Everything had a reason , even the times when it felt like there wasn 't one . She 'd been taught that as a child , and even now , as she put on her coat and saw Jake watching her from the recliner , she knew something good was trying to happen . The woman was leggy in an understated , elegant kind of way , like a high - fashion runway model with beauty to spare . High cheekbones , glossy blonde hair , and translucent skin that gave her an almost regal appearance . Though she hardly acted that way . Then Abby saw what Jake must have wanted her to notice : small tears slid down that soft , delicate face and landed on Uncle Terry 's sweater - - the one Uncle Terry had put on Madison . It put a lump in Abby 's throat . She remembered how gentle and kind Madison had been with Ricky , when Ricky had showed Madison his firefighter . Despite Abby 's determination not to like Uncle Terry 's needy person , it had touched Abby more than she cared to admit . Madison was crying , and deep down Abby knew why . Because she 'd been impatient in her rushed judgment , not slowing down to consider the feelings of anyone besides her Uncle Terry - - not even for someone who was very likely in desperate need of help . Abby figured she probably deserved whatever Dad was waiting outside to say . Earlier , Abby had wondered if she 'd caught Madison crying , but hadn 't been sure . This time , there was no mistaking it . Those were tears , and Abby had no doubt they were because of her . When the woman looked at her , Abby was quietly taken aback by those startled gray eyes . They held no anger , but there was so much pain , it stunned Abby . She 'd done that ? " I 'd like to apologize , " Abby managed to get out the words while Uncle Terry watched . " I didn 't mean to hurt you . . . maybe that 's not exactly true . If you were going to turn out like Victor , then I did want you to suffer . At least a little . " Abby took a deep breath and prayed Madison wouldn 't keep crying . " I 'm in a tough spot , and I guess , so are you . I love Uncle Terry , and before God , I 'd do anything in my power to stop him from getting crushed like last time . But just because all the others wiped their feet on Uncle Terry , doesn 't mean you will , too . You 're here , in this house with my sisters , when none of the others got through the front door . Dad and Mom are careful , so if you 've made it this far , I should have given you the benefit of the doubt . " " Me and my big mouth . " Not wanting to make things worse , Abby took a few steps back so Madison wouldn 't feel threatened . " If she can 't forgive me , I 'll understand . " When Madison continued to cry , Abby retreated to her Mom . The conversation must not have carried into the kitchen , for Mom kept working without looking up . " He 's outside , " Mom said from the stove . " Don 't stay out too long , and keep warm . Your cough is bad enough , as it is . " " What 's come over you ? " Dad turned to her , folded his arms , and Abby hoped she was too old to be spanked . " You weren 't raised to hurt other people 's feelings . You know better than that . " Dad took a step closer . " This means a lot to your Uncle Terry . Except for this family , he 's been alone all his life and he wants to get married . Is that too hard to understand ? " " And as for Madison . . . " Dad sighed deeply . " I should have told you about her , sooner . I shouldn 't have put it off until the last moment . I should have picked up the phone and called you while you were still in San Diego , so we could talk about it and make sure you were prepared . I knew this was going to be hard for you to accept . " " No , she 's not like him at all . " Dad blew out a sigh , and it made Abby feel even worse than she already did . " Of all the people Terry 's ever tried to help , this one is different . She 's more helpless , certainly , but it 's more than that . She 's genuine , and has a lot of respect for Terry . I hope . . . " Dad paused , and seemed to think over his words . " I have every reason to believe Madison would rather cut off an arm , than hurt your uncle . I 've seen the way she is around him , and I 'm not worried that she 'll hurt him on purpose . " Staring at the cement floor , Dad paused as though choosing his words carefully . " I won 't pretend that I 'm not deeply concerned about Madison . I 've warned him as gently as I could without hurting his feelings , and am praying with everything I have that this will turn out well . " Dad met Abby 's eyes . " That doesn 't mean , however , I 'm going to run his life and tell him what to do . Like I 've told your mom , Terry is a grown man and he 's making the best decisions he can , under the circumstances . " " Abby , I have to give it to the Lord . There 's not a lot I can do . Your uncle needs to know we stand behind him come what may , that he isn 't alone , and that we love him . He 's trying to do a good thing . Just like you did with Jake , except their relationship is different . This hasn 't been an easy time for him , especially after that breakdown six months ago , and he 's trying very hard to be strong . To do what 's needed for Madison , and to not collapse emotionally and be a burden to this family . " John nodded . " But he 's been holding it together . I 've been proud of him , and the way he 's been handling the ups and downs with Madison . Now that he 's getting serious about Emily , I don 't want to ruin it for him . I 'm praying Emily will be good for him , that she 'll give him a stable foundation , a sturdy shoulder to cry on when he 's too embarrassed to cry on mine . " " Part of this is my fault . " Dad 's mouth firmed in self - reproach . " In the back of my mind , I had been hoping that living with Jake these past four years had made you more sensitive to the feelings of others . You 're so good around him , so tender and gentle . " " I 'm so gentle , because I love him and that 's what he needs . " Abby sighed . " There 's no one else like Jake . He 's one of a kind . " " Don 't be so sure about that , Abby . She reminds me of him , at times . And I say that with a great deal of affection for Jake . " " I 'm not offended . If that 's true , then it 's a compliment to Madison , because Jake is such a teddybear . " Abby smiled at the thought of Jake clutching her while he slept , a habit he did nearly every night . " Thanks for treating me like a grownup and leveling with me . " The silent tears came before Abby , and she closed her eyes in horror . " Oh , Dad . I made her cry . " " You promised me that you 'd try not to cry . " Terry patted the wet cheeks , had to lean forward to look into that downturned face , a face that kept looking away from Terry 's . Her eyes wouldn 't meet his , and every time they did , Madison would break into fresh tears . " Please , don 't cry . " Terry placed a hand over hers but it did little to stop the weeping . " I hope you can forgive Abby . I know my niece , and when she apologizes for something , it 's because she means it . " " Please , Maddie . " Terry was nearing tears , himself - - Jake could see the wetness gathering in Terry 's eyes . " Please , tell me what to do so it 'll be all right . I can 't bear to see you like this . " The heartfelt plea made her look up . She gazed at Terry with such intensely ardent passion , Terry gave an awkward smile and she burst into more tears . At least , that was the way it looked to Jake . Jake was beginning to think this had little to do with Abby , and more to do with a certain phone date that would take place later that day . Come to think of it , Madison hadn 't started crying until Terry had announced he was still keeping his afternoon date with Emily . It was a small observation , and Jake had only noticed because the scene was playing out right in front of him . It was hard not to notice . He had a good view of the couch and those on it , and his heart went out to Madison . Jake didn 't know her , but something about her felt familiar . He might have been standing in front of a mirror , looking at himself , even though the reflection looked nothing like his own . Their sameness came from the inside . A similar heart as his own , beat in that slight frame , and Jake had a feeling it was very familiar with pain . " Please , don 't cry . " Terry placed the handkerchief in her hand , but she kept her head bowed and her face turned from Terry . " This is killing me , Maddie . Please don 't cry . " " Maybe she 's hungry . " Mom brushed the long blonde hair from Madison 's eyes . " John said she didn 't touch her pancakes , so she has to be hungry . " Jake coughed , and the coughs kept coming until Mom came to check his forehead . Why did people keep checking him ? His fever couldn 't have changed all that much since the last time he 'd been checked . He still had it . The back door sounded with a thump , and a moment later Abby and Dad came into the living room . Their attention fixed on the woman curled at the end of the couch , and on Terry as he did everything but sing to her to stop the tears from falling . As Mom went to go check on the children , Abby took a seat next to Terry . Madison was too busy crying to hear Abby , and Jake wanted to go over there and tell them all to leave her alone . She wasn 't angry - - she was heartbroken . And perhaps even jealous of Emily . It seemed reasonable enough . Since Terry had tried everything else and it hadn 't worked , he tried rubbing Madison 's shoulder , and the sobs began to lessen . The contact helped . Though she didn 't look calmer , it did distract her from crying . She closed her eyes and her knuckles turned bone white from gripping his handkerchief so hard . How could Jake tell Abby that these tears weren 't for her , without embarrassing Madison even further ? Jake clamped his mouth shut , then had to open it to cough . Oh , this flu . That poor woman . She was in love . Jake wondered if she was even aware of it , she seemed so uncertain of everything around her , like the world was a constant mystery to be figured out . It was a feeling Jake knew very well , and he recognized it in Madison . This was all very personal , and all very out in the open despite the unsaid words . Or so Jake thought . Everyone around him didn 't seem to see what he did , and he began to wonder if the cough syrup had gone to his head . Problem was , he hadn 't taken any that morning . Maybe the fever was to blame . Or maybe he 'd coughed himself into a concussion and was seeing things that didn 't exist . His face full of concern , Terry watched as Madison went to help Mom . Terry got off the couch , stood in the kitchen doorway and watched while the women worked . With a lopsided grin , Terry looked back at the people in the living room . Shaking the thought from his head before he had a chance to get it fully formed , Jake tried to reason away what he was seeing . Terry had a phone date with Emily after lunch , so that had to be concern shining in Terry 's eyes , nothing more . It just had to be . Rubbing his aching forehead , Jake got up from the recliner . What in the world had he and Abby walked into ? While Three Mile Bay wasn 't much different than before , some things were plunging toward big change . It was too much for Jake 's poor fevered mind to take in , and he left the living room to go stretch out on the bed and get some rest . He wondered why God had given them the flu , then trapped them in the same house with Terry , at a time like this . The bottles were lined up on the counter , and it took Madison a few moments to sort out which ones went with the stir - fry , and which were meant for the chicken casserole Izzy had baking in the oven . The motions of fixing lunch , mixing in the seasoning , made the trembling in Madison 's hands to stop . Madison looked over her shoulder , saw Terry standing in the doorway and quickly turned back to the stove . Was it too much to hope that he 'd never marry , and just go on being her friend ? Did things have to change ? Did he have to change ? Couldn 't he rise above being ugly , and just stay single ? Pain shot into her hand . She jerked away from the frying pan , sucked her burnt finger while Terry hurried to the fridge . He pulled out some butter , and the touch of his hand when it took hers , made the sting of the burn go away even before she felt the butter . " Thank you , Maddie , that means a lot to me . Is it all right if I tell her ? I know she 's beating herself up right now . " " She doesn 't have to . It 's no big deal . " Even though she said the words , Madison knew it wasn 't quite true . Abby had apologized , and that meant Abby might still like her one day . Maybe . It felt better , though the ache in her chest was still there . Would butter help that , too ? She saw the knife on the counter and wished she could steal it and hide in the bathroom . Instead , she focused on the burned finger and went back to work . " Time to turn off the fire . " Izzy moved around her , and took something from a cupboard . " Switch the pan to a cool burner , then finish slicing the tomatoes on the cutting board . " Being this close to a knife wouldn 't help , but Madison felt nothing when she picked it up . All she felt was numbness , a wide sea spreading inside of her that drowned anything that tried to stay afloat . Everything sank to the bottom , even hope . " When you 've finished the tomatoes , start on the bell peppers , please . " Izzy moved around Madison , gave her a smile and Madison remembered that Jesus could walk on water . Nothing could sink Jesus , and if He couldn 't drown , then He could keep her head above the water . Hope took faith . You couldn 't just tell yourself something , and let it go , you had to hang on and remind yourself that it was true . And believe it . " I thought I was supposed to be resting , " Abby said , coming into the kitchen with a laugh . She paused by the cutting board . The smile she gave Madison was apologetic , and grateful . The sisters were a noisy , mixed up jumble when they were all together , and Madison couldn 't help watching . Abby pulled things from the cupboard , and the triplets clamored to take turns putting them on the table . Coming closer , Ricky looked on as the table was set with plates and silverware , then came the napkins and glasses . The boy looked hungry and Madison thought it was a healthy sign that his fever was lifting . " Lunch ! " Debbie yelled , and ran from the kitchen with two small girls at her heels . The triplets spread the word all over the house , so that even Jake finally showed up , though he didn 't look very hungry . Before the plates were filled , everyone joined hands and Madison 's insides trembled when Terry took hers . His hand lightly held hers , as though he were afraid of hurting her somehow . They bowed their heads while John prayed over the meal , but Madison had trouble paying attention to the words . It was a strong hand , yet it held hers so gently , she wanted to kiss Terry . Moving past her , Terry pulled out a chair . He looked to Madison , waited , and she realized he wanted her to sit down . When she did , she found herself next to Jake . She shook her head , and Terry went off to get the acetaminophen . Feeling timid , she chanced a glance at the young man beside her , and Jake smiled . Not knowing what else to do , she bowed her head and tried not to attract attention . She glanced at Jake . There was something about him - - a weary sort of hard - won confidence that made him seem different than everyone else . He looked young , and yet sounded old , like he had seen a lot in life and didn 't really want to remember it . Then she recalled Terry had once told her that Jake had been abused . " Sometimes I envy them . They look so at peace with themselves and the world , just standing there , flicking that line back and forth . Have you ever seen Terry fish ? " " Quite a sight , isn 't it ? " Jake took a hot roll from the bread basket , split it open , then smeared on butter . " I like to sit and watch them , maybe get a sketch done , while I 'm at it . " " I 'm not much of one , I 'm afraid . " Jake bit into the roll while Abby put a generous helping of chicken on Jake 's plate . " I still have so much to learn , it 's sometimes discouraging . Just when you think you know something , you find out you 're still a rookie . " " So says everyone who sees it . " Abby looked indignant . " Dad , where 's it hanging ? I don 't remember seeing it in the living room . " " We moved it to the master bedroom . " John loaded his fork with tomato and lettuce , dabbed it in some ranch dressing . " When your mom started remodeling , we moved it so it wouldn 't get damaged when the walls were repainted . " A wry smile spread over Jake 's mouth . " Abby 's my protector . Whenever an art critic doesn 't happen to like my work , she 's in there , swinging . " " Just some art critic who doesn 't know what he 's talking about . " Abby made a face . " He was no judge of talent , that 's for sure . " When the others looked to Abby for an explanation , she shook her head . " It 's nothing important . One of Jake 's professors had a friend who was supposed to own a prestigious art gallery . He took one look at Jake 's work and called it ' old fashioned . ' " " Just because you paint realistic wildlife and nature , doesn 't make you old - fashioned . And what did Mr . Fancy - Pants think of that guy who did the canvas covered in red and black stripes ? He called it ' a bold expression of individuality . ' " " Do you know what Jake showed him ? " Abby smiled and Madison found herself doing the same . " Jake showed him a large canvas with two cactus cuddling together like sweethearts . For something covered with sharp spines , it 's an incredibly moving painting . Jake made them look so real , and yet you felt like they were truly cuddling , that they 'd grown that way , hugging each other over the years , on purpose . " " It 's in the trailer . " Abby added some baked potato to Jake 's plate . " When Jake can finish enough paintings , we 're going to find a gallery who will take them on consignment . " " That 's going to take time , Abby , not to mention willingness for someone to take a chance on a nobody . " Jake gave his wife a hesitant look , kept toying with his fork and not eating . " Are you sure you don 't want me to use my master 's degree and do something else ? Something with a steady paycheck ? " " We 've already gone over this a hundred times . " Abby sighed , reached for the bottle of salad dressing . " We can live on my salary until your career gets started . " " If they can 't , we 'll help them out so Jake can work on his art career . " John gave an affirming nod . " I think they 'll have enough , though . They can both work from home - - Jake on his painting , and Abby can long distance with Dennis in San Diego . She 's done it before . " " He 'll be all right . " Abby sat down , and scooted in her chair . " I want to stop talking about this because it 's Sunday , but just for the record : Jake and I don 't need money . I could hear what you guys were saying , and we 're doing just fine on our own . " The answer seemed to satisfy Abby , and she gave her father a smile that he returned without hesitation . This family was close - knit , and they fought for each other however they could . The fact had been impressed on Madison that morning , and she felt a strong tug of jealousy . Emily would belong here , while Madison would not . That would be true , wouldn 't it ? For why should Emily let Terry spend so much time with another woman ? Oh , why did Terry have to chase after sex ? Because he was a man , that 's why . He was only doing what other men did . If he wanted to be ugly , better he did it with Emily , than with her . If that was the way Terry wanted to be , then Emily could have him . Madison would not care . " If I were you , I 'd use the office . " John helped himself to more potatoes . " Unless you don 't mind an audience , I 'd also close the door . " A subdued look crossed Abby 's face and she reached out to touch Terry 's arm . " I 'm sorry I teased you earlier . I think it 's great you and Emily are getting together . " Finishing off the last of her food , Abby scooted away from the table . " Would you guys keep an eye on Ricky for me ? I 'm going to spend some time alone with Jake , before the Doyle 's get here . I think he needs me . " " That was a very good meal . My compliments to the chefs . " Terry stood up from his chair while Madison did her best to hurry . Chef or not , she wanted to go with him . " If Dick and Sara arrive while I 'm in the office , tell them I said hello . " To Madison 's joy , Terry turned to her . " When you 're finished , you can watch TV with the kids , or maybe get out your notebook , if it 's here . I 'm afraid I 'll be busy , so you 'll be on your own . " By the time Madison returned with the empty plates , John had gone into the living room and Madison found herself alone with Izzy . It was comforting to be with her , for Izzy had a way of making Madison feel safe and comforted . Maybe it was because Izzy was a mother , and mothering someone besides her own children came easily to her . Whatever the reason , Izzy was good at it . Madison was grateful for the long stretches of silence punctuated with gentle remarks about how to store leftovers in the fridge , the best way to keep water spots off silverware . You dried them with a towel of course , but for several minutes , Madison could think about housework instead of Terry . Then she followed Izzy into the living room to watch TV with John and the children . How she wished she could be someone else , someone who was normal and could give Terry all the things that she couldn 't . Emily was normal , and she wasn 't . He 'd fallen asleep , but the feel of someone moving on the bed woke him . For a second , he forgot he wasn 't in prison , and panic welled in his chest . Then the soft touch of Abby 's hand chased away the fear , and Jake closed his eyes a moment to thank God . He was safe , and he was with Abby . " You have to be wrong . She 's probably just grateful , since he 's been helping her out so much . Besides , he 's interested in Emily . " Massaging Abby 's back , Jake kept turning the scene in his mind . Maybe he was wrong , but maybe , just maybe , he was right . Something in his gut said he hadn 't been mistaken . If he wasn 't , Terry would have a lot on his hands , for Madison was a deeply wounded person . " I know . " Jake massaged in small circles and smiled as Abby relaxed against him . " Part of me hopes he 'll choose Madison because I know she probably needs him . But the other part of me thinks he 'll be better off with Emily . I can 't decide . " " I 've never , ever , been sorry I married you . " Abby toyed with the edge of Jake 's shirt . " You 're a hardworking , God - fearing man . A good daddy , and a good husband . And I 'll add to that , a very dear friend . " Though Jake wanted to kiss Abby , the flu interrupted , and a cough fought its way up Jake 's throat . He dropped back , turned his head so he wouldn 't cough on Abby , and hacked away until he was able to make it stop . Leaning over the edge of the bed , Abby snagged a tissue from the night table . " Love isn 't making your throat hurt . " She laughed , gave him the tissue and was about to pull away when Jake tugged her back . " What is it ? " " I know coming here wasn 't the best choice for your career . I talked to Dennis - - don 't get mad , Abby , I made him give me his honest opinion . Except for reruns , you won 't be on TV anymore and it 'll slow your momentum . Say the word , and we 'll go back . " " Jake , I meant it when I said that what isn 't good for you , isn 't good for me . That 's the only way I 'll ever see it . We 're in this together . Besides - - " Abby 's fingers ran through Jake 's hair and he fought to not let it weaken his resistance - - " I want Ricky to grow up around Mom , Dad , and Uncle Terry . I want him to grow up loving this place as much as I did , and be able to step out the door and fly fish whenever the weather and the season permit . " " Promise me something , Abby . Promise me you won 't be kind and only tell me what you think I want to hear . I need to know you 're being honest with me . " She said nothing , but returned to his arms and let him squeeze her as tightly as he wanted . Though he needed her close , he had to let himself relax so Abby wouldn 't bruise again . The fever must have been going down , for he didn 't feel over - warm with her snugged against him . Steady breathing was key to success . Breathe too fast , and he 'd hyperventilate , and that was no good . Terry needed to sound confident over the phone , but not scared or on the brink of a nervous breakdown . Even though he felt both . The office door was shut , and Terry resisted the urge to lock it . He was alone , no one could possibly overhear unless they had their ear pressed to the door . Even so , he got up from his chair , opened the door and found the hallway empty . Not as though he 'd expected anyone to willingly eavesdrop . The triplets could 've been camping at his door though , waiting for him to come out , just like they did in the mornings . Terry glanced at the time . He 'd figured on calling at the top of the hour , but maybe Emily wasn 't ready . He 'd wait a few more minutes so he wouldn 't come off as anxious or too eager . Hopefully , at least Madison was having a good time . It had been good to see her helping out in the kitchen . She 'd needed the activity , a distraction to help stop those tears from falling while they softly broke his heart . Thank God , things were good again . Abby had apologized , Maddie had forgiven her , and now the family was back to normal . Or as normal as this crazy household ever got . Man , he was tired . It wasn 't a good day for a phone date with Emily , but they needed to talk and spend time together . This needed to get done . And the longer it took for him to pick up the phone , the harder it got . He wasn 't getting any younger , and neither was Emily . Time to bite the bullet , to dig down deep and do what almost every other man his age had already done . Oh , man . It was Emily . He answered the call and tried to sound casual , but when he leaned back in the chair , it gave a loud squeak that made Emily pause . " You were ? " Emily laughed . " I just put Dad to bed and wanted to take advantage of a quiet house . Not that Dad is noisy , but . . . " " No , not at all . " Terry glanced at the door . " I 'm in the office , and just made sure no one was listening in the hall . Not that anyone here would eavesdrop . " " Oh , listen to us . " Emily sighed . " Anyone hearing us would think we didn 't know each other . For pity 's sake , we 've been next door neighbors for six years . Talking to each other is certainly nothing new . " " So - - " Terry reached for something else to say besides " uh - huh . " " How 's everything going at your house ? Did you ever get the Kool - Aid stain off the carpet ? " " No , I 'm afraid we didn 't . Mitch tried , but it simply would not come out . I told Dad we could throw a rug over it , but then I 'm afraid he might trip . " " That would be nice . " Emily paused , and Terry could hear her preparing to say something . " I was wondering . . . have you given any thought about our outing to Jersey City ? " " About what a Providential opportunity this trip gives us . " Emily paused , and Terry sensed she was gathering her courage . Why that scared him , he had no idea , only that it did . " I was thinking , since we 're going into Jersey City anyway , why not combine it with a special occasion ? " " No , not that . " Emily blew out a deep sigh . " This was so much easier when I rehearsed it with myself , this morning . I could control both sides of the conversation , and I always had the right thing to say that could make you laugh . " " I realize this is awkward , " she pressed on after catching her breath , " but we know each other . We 've been neighbors for years , we go to the same church , we have many of the same friends , and I believe we both want the same thing . We want a family . This is enough to build a future on , don 't you think ? I don 't see why we have to drag things out , when we could settle it over the phone . " " Terry , why don 't we get married ? We could use the trip as a honeymoon , and it wouldn 't inconvenience Dad because he 'd get to see Aunt Martha . They could visit each other , and we 'd have most of the time to ourselves . " Not unless he was accepting Emily 's proposal . And that was what she was doing right now - - proposing . It made sense to accept , especially since he 'd been wanting all along to get it over and done with . And now he wouldn 't have to dread getting down on one knee . Emily was doing it for him . " I 'm just glad I was able to get the words out . " Emily took a deep breath . " I 've been dreading this proposal all morning , and it feels good to actually say the words and get them out in the open . " He should say something , but had no clue what to take a chance on . " Oh yes , if I had been you , I would have been dreading it , too ? " Or , " I guess I should be glad I 'm not you ? " Neither sounded good to his dazed mind . " Well , I 'd better let you go . The house needs to be tidied before Dad wakes , and I still need to figure out what we 're having for dinner . If I know him , he 's going to ask , and there aren 't any leftovers in the fridge . " " Oh . I 'm sorry . " It seemed a stupid thing to say , but she didn 't have any leftovers . Was he supposed to be glad ? Emily had to think through dinner , and he had to think through the rest of his life . But maybe she could fix sandwiches . " I hope you 're not angry with me . I felt the need to get things started before - - " Emily stopped . " I didn 't think it best to wait . " " Okay . " Terry was grateful he hadn 't used " yes , " when " okay " would do just fine . He had to hang up . His thoughts were crashing into each other , and what came out wasn 't making any sense . " I 'll call you back . " Sadness swallowed him alive , knocking the breath from his chest in a stunning blow . Why did he feel this need to cry ? He should be celebrating , but instead of joy , he felt like his heart was snapping in two . He wanted a wife , didn 't he ? A family of his own ? God wanted this , or someone as nice as Emily would never have proposed . He 'd been praying for a day like this , and now God was answering that prayer . He could be a husband , one day be a father , and have a family that he could take care of and love . He wouldn 't be alone . For someone who suffered chronic shyness around women , here was a golden opportunity to make it happen . This was Providence . The tears wouldn 't stop , and Terry wept as quietly as he could without drawing attention . All he needed right now was for John to rush in thinking he was having another breakdown . But maybe he was . Maybe he needed John . Covering his mouth , Terry sobbed into his hands . The sadness overwhelmed him . He struggled to find an end to it , but all he found was more heartache . He should be happy . He wanted to get married , he wasn 't giving up any freedoms he cared about , so why was he crying ? He moved to his knees , struggled to catch his breath , but they kept getting caught on sobs . He fought even harder for control . He had to conquer this , or it would conquer him . Drying his face on the arm of his white , long sleeved shirt , he got to his feet and braced himself against the desk . He had to collect himself before John or any of the others saw him . Especially Maddie . She 'd panic if she saw his tears , and think something was wrong . Thankful for the half bath attached to the office , Terry went inside and splashed water on his face . It felt so good , he spent several minutes washing and calming down . His shirt got wet in the process , but he felt better . Like he could speak and not break into tears . As Terry dried his face , he stared at the reflection in the mirror . He 'd better give himself a few more minutes to regain his composure . For Maddie 's sake , and for the sake of his family , he had to stay strong . When the children began nodding off , Izumi took the girls to their room for an afternoon nap . John carried Ricky into the master bedroom , and pulled out a blanket and pillow to let the little guy sleep off his full tummy . Nestled in a warm " blankie , " Ricky easily fell asleep before John had even left the room . Taking a moment to watch the boy sleep , John felt a warm feeling sweep through him . That was his grandson . The thought made him smile as he closed the bedroom door . He loved being a grandparent , even though the word suggested he was getting old . He had three little girls close in age to Ricky , so he couldn 't be that old . Forty - seven didn 't make him falling apart old , just older than what he 'd been the year before . That was all . He was the same age as Terry , and Terry was on the brink of getting married and starting a family of his own . John 's smile wouldn 't stop . If Terry started having sons right away , their children could marry each other and they wouldn 't have far to travel for family reunions . There would be an age difference , but their family could stay all in one place , so what did that matter ? John caught himself daydreaming , and went back to the living room . Madison was still curled at the end of the couch , looking listless and a bit green around the gills . Maybe she was coming down with the flu , but surely it was too soon for that . Even flu viruses needed more time to infect and make someone sick . The TV had no sound , and even though her eyes were on the set , John had the impression Madison wasn 't watching . She was probably missing Terry . John took the recliner , picked up the remote and unmuted the program . Any sound at all was better than all this silence . Coming down the hall with a small blanket , Izumi went to the couch and covered Madison 's legs . " I don 't know if the damp weather is making the arthritis in your hip worse , but this should make you more comfortable . If you want to take a nap , you go right ahead , okay ? " " This is a pleasant surprise . " Izumi let Agatha into the house while a cold wind blew in around them . The rain may have stopped for the most part , but it was still a wet , windy day . " I hope you were warned at church . There may be flu in the house . " " Which is why I wanted to bring over this chicken soup . " Agatha hefted a large dutch oven by its handles . " I know you probably have some broth on hand , but nothing is quite like homemade . Oh , hello , Madison . How are you , dear ? " " I wanted to bring soup , " Sara explained , " but Dick said we didn 't have enough time to run by the store . It was Sunday after all , and I thought maybe this would be a good treat for the kids . " The three women chatted , and went into the kitchen . " There they are ! " Dick moved forward to give Jake a great big hug . " I can see your face , so I won 't ask how you 're feeling . " " I 'm all right . " Jake smiled , and sat down on the opposite end of the couch as Madison . " I warned you we weren 't feeling very good , so if you and Sara get sick , it 's not on my head . " " We were warned , " Dick laughed , and gave Abby a hug . " It 's so good to have you back in the area . You belong here , not in San Diego . " " Wild horses wouldn 't have been able to keep me away . " Dick laughed , and sat down next to Jake while Sara came into the room and welcomed AJ . Abby and Jake collected another hug , then Sara took a seat on the couch between Dick and Madison . " Where 's my namesake ? " Dick asked . " Well , it can 't be helped . You just pay attention on getting better , that 's the important thing . " Dick waited as Abby , Izumi , and Agatha took the chairs John had set out . " Speaking of Terry . " Agatha gave a small sigh . " I wanted to let you all know what happened in church , this morning . Lauren Moore came today - - you know , the one Terry hired to be his superintendent ? In front of everyone , Lauren assured Emily that none of the gossip about Terry is true . That in spite of everything , Emily should have no reason to doubt Terry 's heart . " " Oh , she did . And in front of the entire congregation . I wanted to warn you all , in case someone says something that doesn 't make any sense . I just covered my mouth and didn 't say a word . There 's no need to add to the gossip . " A groan rumbled in John 's chest . Lauren Moore was a busybody , stirring up trouble where there was none - - even if it was under the pretense of being well - intentioned . He tried not to stare at Madison and realized everyone else in the room was doing the same . No one looked directly at her , and thankfully , not even Abby asked what Agatha had meant . Though Abby had to be wondering . Once more , Dick made the effort and changed the subject , and none too soon . John heard movement coming from the hall as Terry came into the living room . Like a magnet , it drew Madison 's attention away from the floor . Smiling , Dick stood to shake Terry 's hand . " I hear there 's flu in the house , but don 't let these young people give it to you . Outsmart them , and stay healthy . " " I intend to try , " Terry smiled . John stood up , offered Terry the recliner , but Terry went and brought out another dining chair , and placed it next to Izumi 's . " Have you told them about the you - know - what , yet ? " " How about this weather ? " Dick asked . " It 's something , isn 't it ? Anymore rain like that , and we 'll need a boat to get around , instead of a car . " " He is . " Abby looked about the room . " And so is everyone else . I have a sudden urge to go next door and see what this is about . " " Dad ? " Abby looked a bit worried . " He didn 't repaint the house , did he ? It 's still yellow , isn 't it ? " As Abby and Jake left , John noticed the splashes on Terry 's shirt . The marks were mostly dry , and yet wet enough to betray what Terry probably didn 't want John to know . It made John take a good , long look at his friend . Those red rimmed eyes , the pinker than usual nose , the way Terry kept sniffing - - they were tell - tale signs Terry couldn 't keep hidden from John . " I give them five minutes , tops . " Dick grinned and folded his arms in perfect confidence . " You can 't hide something like that , for long . It 's big enough to be noticed . " " It was good of you to do that for AJ . " John spoke up , and the center of attention moved back to Abby and Jake . " I know they 'll appreciate it . " " The new washer and dryer are amazing ! I never thought I 'd get emotional about household appliances , but Mom - - you should try those front loading doors . They 're so solid , I had to pinch myself . " " Dick , you really didn 't have to do that . " Jake stepped forward , and Dick got up from the couch to accept the offered hug . " The washer and dryer must have been expensive . " " It 's not much , compared to what you two deserve . " Sara stood as Abby made her way to the couch to thank her . " After all you and Jake have sacrificed , we wanted to do something to show our appreciation . " " Yes , we did . " Sara squeezed Abby before letting her go . " I keep hearing how much Jake has been a blessing to the advisory board , and I know it hasn 't been easy for you to let him attend those meetings . I know they sometimes get difficult , but you 've been so brave . Both of you have . What you 're doing is important , and might help others from suffering the way Jake did . " " But that 's exactly why I admire you . " Dick turned to the young man . " You 've suffered for doing the right thing , and I 'm proud to call you a friend . I couldn 't be more pleased , if you were my own son . " John saw Terry wipe a stray tear from his cheek , but had a feeling it wasn 't because of the touching moment before them . Terry was here in body , but his spirit was far off . John knew something had happened in the office to make Terry cry , and even though Terry had been talking to Emily , something in John 's heart knew this had to do with Madison . It was the second time John had stepped outside with someone that day , and Terry vaguely wondered if John was getting tired . Terry knew he sure was . Sadness had a way of stripping him of all energy , of sapping hope from his body . Why did his life feel like it was over , when by all rights , it was only beginning ? " So . " John slid his hands into his coat pockets , and let Terry automatically head toward the water like they usually did when going fishing . " How did the phone date go ? " " She did that , and then some . " Terry paused to look out over the water . " I should be happy . I should be on my knees before God , thanking Him for this miracle . I 've been dreaming of this day for so long , and now it 's actually here . " " Emily said since we both wanted a family , and since we knew each other , it didn 't make sense to drag things out . Don 't quote me on it , but that was upshot . She also said something about not being able to afford to wait . Whatever that meant . " " Oh no . " John shook his head , and turned his back to the house . " Agatha said Lauren was in church today , and that Lauren told Emily she shouldn 't worry about all the gossip , and that Emily had no reason to doubt your heart . " " I have no idea . " Terry gave a wild , helpless shrug . " I 'm beginning to think I wouldn 't recognize love , if it bit me on the nose . " " Why shouldn 't I ? " Terry jammed his hands into the pockets of his coat . " God is answering my prayer . I wanted to get married , and now here 's my chance . " " Why shouldn 't I ? We 've been neighbors for the past six years , haven 't we ? She 's not married , and neither am I , so why not ? " " No , I 'm not . I 'm so sane it hurts . " Terry paced toward the water . " Other people make a loveless marriage work , so why couldn 't I ? " " But I am . " Terry turned and pinned John with a look . " Love isn 't mandatory , and I can 't afford to be too picky . For whatever reason , Emily wants to marry me . She even suggested we use the trip to Jersey City as our honeymoon . " " Hey , who 's side are you on ? This is my chance , and I 'm going to take it . " Terry hadn 't known he would until now . Hearing himself say the words out loud , depressed him ; they held desperation , a ragged , frantic quality that frightened Terry . " No . " The desperation in Terry 's heart deepened . " She said she likes me , and I have no doubt that she does , but Madison doesn 't love me . Emily doesn 't either , but at least she 's willing to marry me . That counts for something , doesn 't it ? " " That 's easy for you to say . You have a wife , four daughters , a son - in - law , and a grandson . I 'm forty - seven years old with no other prospects in the foreseeable future . I 'm old . I 'm old and no one wants me . " Francesca ? Terry thought to himself . Doreen ? How about that redhead - - what was her name ? She was always giggling , but maybe she would like him . Maybe she would stop giggling long enough to fall in love . " Terry , I have one more question . " John matched his pace with Terry 's . " Do you love Madison ? " It was the one thing John hadn 't asked during this talk , and it forced Terry to a full stop . " It 's a simple question . Do you have any feelings for Madison ? " " Just tell me the truth . " John stood there and waited . " Just say it . If that 's what you feel , then say it . You 're making some huge decisions , and now isn 't the time to be shy about your feelings . " " I think you do . I think Emily 's proposal wouldn 't be so hard to accept , if something else wasn 't getting in the way . Tell me I 'm wrong . " Terry 's chest tightened . His feelings for Maddie had been growing stronger with each passing day . He wanted to deny it , but found he could not . " I have no idea what to do about it , but God help me - - I love Maddie . " Terry fisted a hand , and pounded it against his forehead . " She 'll kiss me if I let her , and maybe she 'll even hug me , but nothing more . " " No , she wouldn 't . " Terry was sure of himself on that point . " She 'd hate me for saying the words , and I 'd only hate myself for asking . John , what am I going to do about Emily ? " Terry moaned when he realized he already knew . " It 's either Madison , or no one . My heart won 't let me do anything else . " " Because it had to be said . " Strong emotion came to John 's eyes . " I don 't want you to marry someone you don 't love , not when you 're feeling so much for someone else . I see you two together , and it 's obvious you feel something for her . Until now , I hadn 't been sure it was love . " John shook his head . " By loving Madison , you 're giving up Emily . Like you just said , your heart has already chosen . " John 's voice sounded of resolve . " I want you to know that whatever happens , this family will stand behind you all the way . " He hugged John , and John returned the embrace . Even though Terry 's head knew he had exchanged one heartache for another , his heart felt strangely lighter . He was in love - - it was official . The air held secret music , and electricity thumped through his veins in a wild dance that scared Terry . The future suddenly held an uncertainty he couldn 't even begin to untangle . All he knew was the happiness of the truth in his heart . Terry loves Maddie . His pulse bumped to the happy music - - Terry loves Maddie - - over and over again , until the tune drummed deep into his brain . He didn 't know if he should tell Maddie , or what this might mean to her , but at least he knew what answer to give Emily . Spread the One of my longtime readers , Myra Valcourt , has created a Facebook group just for you ! " The Works of Judith Bronte " offers a forum to discuss the stories and characters , and a way to get to know other readers . I hope to see you there ! Copyright : These original love stories are copyright © 1998 - 2017 by Sarah L . Fall ( a . k . a . Judith Bronte ) . All rights reserved . No part of this site may be reproduced without the author 's permission . You may not sell the PDFs , but you may distribute them so long as they remain free , accredited , and unaltered .
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It was like some bad dream that you suddenly wake up from and pinch yourself to see if its real . The odd thing about this was that Jennifer had received a call at the same time as Amelia did . Amelia went from being her bubbly and buoyant self , to dropping the phone and standing like a statue , frozen from what she had just discovered . At first , she didn 't know what to do . William was enjoying patting her snake and getting rather up close and personal , which was cool , cause Rattles was very affectionate . . for a snake . Amelia went quiet as Jennifer asked if William could take her to the funeral . Course , Amelia would want to go , but then she realized that Lysander would be there and her heart sank even further . For the longest time , she had tried to get over him , and then course he ended up with her niece , which always made family functions awkward . Amelia had driven herself into her work , focusing on cases and basically living at the office . Only recently had she decided to move out of a bed sit and into her own place , her own space . She was just getting back on track with her life … . now this . Amelia knelt down to pick up her phone off the rug , and then looked at the details for the funeral arrangements again . Amelia let out a sigh , and then tossed her phone haphazardly back on the love seat in among the cushions . She put on a brave face , trying to keep any tears from falling , desperately keeping up a cheerful outlook . She came up to William , and said . She didn 't say how she knew , why she had the call , or the fact of her relationship with those involved . Amelia felt so alien from it all . But … there came a knock at the door , and Amelia was ready to pick up the bat and whack whoever was behind it . Thinking the better of it , she approached the door , and opened it , her mouth falling open to see Melinda standing on her door step . Half taken aback Amelia tried to keep composed , and then swallowing the rising tide that was coming up her throat , as her cheeks became red and flushed , she moved across the step and embraced her sister in a hug of comfort , whispering in her ear . Jennifer smiled sadly at William and leaned into him . " You 're truly the best , " she said , holding on to him . It didn 't cross her mind that he might want to be there anyway to watch out for Galtem . He was just doing her a huge favor by going to the funeral of someone he barely knew that would have people he did not like there . But William was always doing his best to protect her so of course he would want to go . She looked up at Amelia when she took the snake and told them they could go get ready for the funeral . Jennifer realized it was pretty soon and she was still in the clothes she had thrown on this morning before visiting Galtem . That seemed ages before , but it hadn 't been so long ago . Then she realized that Amelia 's text must have been the same as hers . This confused her for a moment . She wondered how Amelia knew River and what connections she had here . Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door and her questions were answered a moment later when the guest walked in . It was Melinda . River 's mother . Jennifer doubted Melinda would know anything about Jennifer . It didn 't seem like the kind of thing you would bring up to your mother , but she also didn 't know if Melinda and River were really close and if they talked about that sort of thing . It made her a little uncomfortable , but Amelia and she seemed to have a tight relationship , so they must have been really close friends . Or possibly related . It seemed like an odd pair to Jennifer , but she would be surprised if she saw anything normal around here anymore . " Maybe we should go change now , " Jennifer said to William , not wanting to intrude on this moment . " I 'm so sorry , Melinda , " she said quietly as she stood up , not sure if it was weird or not for her to speak as if she knew her . Maybe that would weird her out . But she doubted she cared about anything but her daughter right now . He was here for please her , but he also wanted to make sure Galtem wouldn 't get closer to Jennifer , there was no need for make up some argues and fights , especially in a funeral . So William would make sure he wouldn 't get too angry with Galtem , as long as that guy didn 't bother him , everything would be fine . He also began to wonder if Galtem was going to bring the Vampire as well , that was insane , werewolves doesn 't get along with vampires , and now bringing a vampire to a funeral where mostly people are werewolves , that 's just some stupid a idea , but an idea we all know it could come from Galtem . His eyes went up to Amelia who was telling him that she would put the snake back on its tank , and they could go get ready for the funeral . He was about to give her the snake , but someone was knocking on the door , and that made Amelia go see who was . William just stood up , and walked over the snake 's tank , placing it down inside , before close the tank . Making sure everything was right , his view turned back at Jennifer , who now was telling him they should go change now . Melinda keep hugging herself a bit , till finally somebody open her the door , and it was definitely her sister , Amelia . She stared at her for a couple of seconds , wanting to just tackle her , and hug her . She needed some comfort right now , after this all . Dealing with a depressing Lysander wasn 't easy either , because he was always distant , and it would take you a lot to just call out his attention . Whenever her sister finally hugged her , Melinda allowed herself to cry again , and wrapped her arms tightly around her sister , hugging her closer , while shoving her head down into her shoulder , sobbing quietly . She was glad she had her sister back , at least she would have another support from somebody . It was far from her mind to think about Henry and have his support . She still wanted that guy far away from her , even tho she knows she will have to face him in the funeral . It was on that moment Melinda noticed that Amelia wasn 't alone , there were other two people in here , a man and another woman . A blonde one , that was very familiar to Melinda , but she couldn 't remember where she saw this face before , but it finally hit her mind . It was the same woman who was there helping with her wounds whenever she got attacked by the werewolf , Alexander . She still has the all scars over her arm , that 's the ugly memory from the attack . " Amelia , I know this might seem much to ask . But now you 're his neighbor , and he will need lots of help on raising those two babies . I just ask you to check on him , time to time , there isn 't any need to be everyday . I just don 't want him to do anything stupid . " Melinda said , knowing very well the bond her sister had with Lysander . They dated before , and Lysander fell in love with her niece , which was something very awkward in the family , and it probably left Amelia hurt , because she was trying to get over him , Melinda knew that . But still , she couldn 't spend her whole time in this neighborhood , it took her a lot to come here from her house , and she wanted some time alone for herself as well . Lysander got in his chambers , and placed Eric slowly over the bed . He was glad that they had already bought two outfits for a girl and for a boy . They wasn 't sure what sex the baby would be , so they just bought this , till they could go buy more clothes . Now that 's something Lysander needs to do alone . He picked up the outfit , which was a blue romper for winter . It was thick , and it was enough to keep a baby warm . He began to dress the new born with that clothing , and while he dressed him , he could already hear Halle crying . Huffing out , Lysander finished dressing the baby , and made sure he would stay in the middle of the huge bed , so he wouldn 't fall . Then he just went to Halle 's bedroom , and picked up a pacifier placing it inside her mouth . He picked her up , and rocked her on his arms slowly , so she could calm down and stop crying . In her bedroom , there was a closet with her clothes . He held her on his left arm , and used his right hand to search through the closet for something for her to wear . He found a pink dress , then some white shirt , and white long socks , then some black shoes . He picked up those clothes , and started to dress Halle once he went back to his bedroom , and placed her on his bed . After few minutes , the children were finally dressed . He never thought it could be so hard , but it was done , and luckily for them , they fell asleep . He went to the bathroom , took a quick shower and done his beard . Once he was done with that , he began to dry off his skin , and went back to his bedroom . He looked through his closet , and saw his black suit . It only took him ten minutes to get himself ready , and ties with him wasn 't a problem , since he was already used to wear them . He had everything he needed , he had the chair for the newborn , and Halle 's chair was already in the car , all he had to do was just place the newborn chair on the passenger seat that was besides him . He needed a baby carriage , he had one but it had only space for one baby and not two . Which meant he would have to carry Halle on his arms and Eric would go on the baby carriage . And that 's what he did . He finally left home , and went to his car , preparing the baby chair on the passenger seat , and when he made sure everything was safe he placed Eric in there . Then in the backseats , he placed Halle 's in her seat . And in the backdoor , he closed the baby carriage and put it inside to fit in the car . He was done , but he was still waiting for Melinda . Wondering if she wanted a ride . The wetness of her sister 's tears upon the nape of her neck , had Amelia feeling all kinds of emotions , as she was swept up in the sorrow of the news of River . But also the reunion of the sisters was something she also needed . Amelia hadn 't meant to keep her distance and turned into a workaholic , but it seemed to be the only way she could cope with losing Lysander to her niece . Amelia sniffed loudly , when her sister finally let her go , and then realized she still had company ; William and Jennifer . Thankfully William had place Rattles back in his tank , so that was one less thing to worry about , but she felt it right to introduce them to Melinda . " Sis , this is my neighbour Jennifer and her boyfriend William . They were welcoming me to the neighborhood when we got the call . " She said we , since Jennifer also got a text message from Lysander . Amelia didn 't know if Melinda knew them or not , but thought it right to make introductions . Amelia 's head tilted , her pony tails flicked out when Melinda just was checking to see if her little sister really was living in the Rivet condos complex . " Yeah , finally got myself out from Mrs Gardner 's bed sit . Kinda got over not having freedom to do my own thing , or being harassed for staying out late . " Mrs Gardner was much like a bitter old spinster , something that Amelia was terrified of ending up as . Her luck with men , was abysmal . On the word that Lysander would be needing help with the kids and the fact Amelia was living so close , Amelia became uneasy , and rubbed the back of her neck . Clearly the wounds from the failed romance still ran deep , but she then sighed thinking that these children that were now without a mother , should be given care and understanding , by their relatives , regardless of who their father was . " I guess , I can … baby sit … and stuff . " she said awkwardly , not really being into kids herself , for she gave up on that dream a while ago . She looked at the clock and saw the time and then quickly said to Melinda . " It 's getting late , shouldn 't you be heading to the funeral now ? " Jennifer tried to smile when Amelia gave them introductions to Melinda , still unsure if she would remember her or not . If she did , it didn 't seem to be bad memories because she thanked her and Jennifer nodded , unable to look at her . Amelia calling Melinda " sis " explained a lot . Why Melinda was here and why Lysander would text her , but she was still quite a bit confused at why she seemed so uncomfortable about helping out with Lysander 's children . Those were her niece 's children weren 't they ? But Jennifer was still a bit too in shock to care . " We better get going as well . I 'm sorry our visit was cut short . It was really nice to meet you Amelia . We 'll see you around , " she told her sincerely before waving and heading back to her house . She reached how for William 's hand as they walked . She could really use some of his calmness at the moment because she didn 't really know what to think still . This was such an unexpected tragedy . Hadn 't she just been speaking about River earlier today ? And not speaking about her with much kindness either . And now she was going to her funeral . It was all too much . She unlocked the door and went inside . " I 'm going to go change and then we can stop off at your place on the way ? " she suggested , heading up to her bedroom . She looked through her closet before finding a black dress that she thought would work and changed into it and grabbed some simple black shoes . She definitely hadn 't believed she 'd be going to a funeral today when she woke up . After pulling her hair back into a simple bun she turned to William . " Ready to go ? " The movie had long since finished , and Amelia had fallen asleep on her vintage love chair , with the candles in her room having long burnt out . Waking up suddenly to see the credits rolling , and the lights out , Amelia woke with a start , and then realized just where she was . Course , it was her new apartment . The smell of all the new cardboard boxes and the rug freshener , set off her sinuses and she started to sneeze , before sitting up and rubbing her eyes . With feet planted on the floor , spread apart , and her knees together , she could only see the light that was coming from inside Rattle 's snake tank . It was getting late , and she hadn 't thought to ordering something from a local take out , nor did she even know where to start finding the boxes that were for the kitchen . Her stomach grumbled softly and she brought her arms around it , leaning forward and sighing . " I 'm hungry . . " she thought to herself , mocking a pout . Just then , she could hear something just outside her door . Rising slowly , she tried to creep through the maze of boxes , and go to see just what was making the din . She couldn 't see anything through the key hole , and being brave , she picked up a bat , and then opened the door , armed and ready to swing . Course , it was just someone 's black cat , that had knocked over a bin . She wasn 't fussed with cats , preferring to keep snakes instead , but everyone has their own unique tastes in familiars . Sighing , she was about to go back inside and order some chinese . " I think you 're right , " Jennifer said with a laugh as she finished off the cookie dough bite . She was proud of herself that they were so good and looked quite pretty as well . Before they ate all of them , she set out a few for later before wrapping the rest in plastic wrap after setting them on a plate . After looking around at the kitchen she made a face . " The mess can wait , " she decided , not feeling like cleaning right now . However , she decided to put away her laptop , since she no longer needed the recipe up . It seemed to be sitting there taunting her about the pictures of Galtem as long as it stayed open . Stupid , ridiculous , attention - seeking Galtem . She reminded herself it didn 't matter anymore and tried to let all her negative thoughts towards him leave her as she shut the laptop . She turned to William and smiled at him . " Ready to meet my new neighbor ? " she asked , picking up the plate and looking at him excitedly . When they got to the house Jennifer couldn 't help but here the movie that was going on inside . She smiled to herself and rang the doorbell . She wasn 't really nervous since if she were weird or mean she simply wouldn 't try to see her again and it wouldn 't be a big deal , but she would be disappointed if that happened . Because Jennifer wasn 't in desperate need of another friend right now , but it would be nice . She was also glad that William was with her , but she didn 't want to overwhelm the girl either and look like the crazy welcome committee . Thinking about this , she turned to William . " Is this too much ? " she asked a little concerned . " Would you be freaked out if you had just moved in and people came to welcome you with food ? It 's what people do in the movies , but I just realized I don 't know if anyone actually does it in real life … " she trailed off because it was too late anyway . She 'd already rung the doorbell , so she simply shrugged and smiled anyway . If it was weird and cheesy then it would be fun to laugh about later . She was just about to put the bat down , and go help herself to another glass of wine , when this time there was a knock at the door . Now the last thing outside was a cat , disturbing the garbage cans , but this time whatever was out there , was human . ( Possibly ) Creeping up to the door , bat in hand , she yanked it open , armed and dangerous , only to see a lovely looking couple standing on her doorstep , one of which had long blonde hair , the male with her was roguishly handsome . She instantly hid the bat behind her , scared of what these people would think . She certainly wasn 't expecting company , not at this hour . Amelia offered a wide smile , which only increased when she saw that the girl had brought food with her , perhaps a welcome plate to the complex . Well , if that isn 't the most neighborly thing to do to a new tenant . Amelia set the bat down and then opened the door in full and stepped back saying ; " Won 't you come in , just try to ignore the boxes and packing styrofoam . I only just moved in this afternoon . I 'm Amelia by the way … Amelia Reed . " She hoped that they might come in , and she would get to know who they were , and if they were indeed neighbors . William left Jennifer 's apartment with her . He placed his palm on her back , while walking besides her . They soon reached the door from the new neighbor , and William was already preparing a nice welcome smile , but then Jennifer began to ask him if this was even a good idea , if this wouldn 't scare anybody , that she only saw this in the movies , and now she began to wonder if people do it in real as well . William chuckled , and tilted his head to the side . The moment the woman open the door , William 's smile quickly disappeared , because she was holding a bat and aimed dangerously at them . He stared confused at the woman , wondering what the hell was she doing , he didn 't wanted to harm her since she was new , but he would if she tried to do something with that bat . But she didn 't , she just got scared and since she 's new she didn 't knew what to wait at this hour . She explained her reasons , but William still remained with an expression that thought " What is wrong with her " He was just surprised she was different . He never thought the new neighbor could be like this , and he noticed by her scent she was a witch . Well , he didn 't hated anybody but vampires . " I 'm so sorry … the bat and all . Heh , the last neighborhood I lived at , they would steal anything that wasn 't bolted down , and I kinda got used to having a bat near the door . " Amelia said quickly , seeing the look of " what that f * ck ? " on William 's face . Not exactly the best way to greet new neighbors , with that kind of reception . She made sure the bat was put well out of sight , as Jennifer and William entered . What met them was a Gothic inspired lounge room , and out the back there was the kitchen and dining room . Boxes were still piled high in the foyer , but at least you could move with a certain amount of freedom in the lounge and there was a three seater couch , with the coffee table closer to her vintage love seat . The theme of the room ; Black . It was back and with a vengeance . Amelia saw the plate of goodies that Jennifer had brought over and squealed . " Oh my goodness , chocolate covered cookie dough balls ? ! " It was the kind of excited expression you would see on the face of a girl at the fair , though she was a bit old to be called a girl . " So sweet of you to make them . Please , have a seat . " Amelia gestured for them to find a comfy spot , while Amelia cleared her lap top off the coffee table for more room . She picked up a desert treat and went to take a bite , a look of ecstasy coming over her face . " Delish ! … so so good . " She swallows the bite , and then asks William ; " So you don 't live with Jennifier ? But you two are like dating ? Sorry for all the questions , its one of my wicked traits . Probably why I got into the line of work I do . I am a forensic scientist at the local Police department , or better known as a lab rat . " She nodded away to herself , and then bit her bottom lip and asked more questions . " Does this complex have like a thing against pets . I have a pet snake , he is in the tank over behind me , and I swear , I only ever let him out to watch Jeopardy , but I would hate to lose this apartment , if the body corporate had a thing about pets that I didn 't know about . " She may have appeared to be babbling abit , but she only had Rattles for company , and not many friends , for reasons that would become clearer later on . Jennifer laughed a little when William voiced that it was too late to think about turning back now . The girl answered the door and Jennifer 's eyebrows rose . She could tell William sort of tensed up beside her , but he seemed fine especially since the woman quickly put it behind her back . It certainly took her by surprise , but this merely made Jennifer laugh a little for some reason . Being greeted by a woman dressed in dark clothing with a bat in her hand could be considered humorous . When she apologized she just smiled and said " Oh it 's no problem . I understand wanting to protect yourself . " She nodded and led the way into her house as she introduced herself . Interesting would be a good word to describe the inside of her house . It was like going from a commercial happy neighborhood into some kind of lair . Amelia certainly looked like someone who would live here , but she did not seem to act like it . She was so cheerful and friendly while the room was anything but that . Jennifer exchanged an amused look with William and he introduced them . She nodded politely as she explained that the last neighborhood she lived in hadn 't exactly been a good one , but continued looking around the room . Amelia would definitely be an interesting neighbor that was for sure , but she was still pleased because she seemed to be incredibly nice . Handing the plate to Amelia when she noticed what it was , she didn 't bother hiding how pleased she was that she was excited with what she had brought her . " We just made them . Thought we 'd welcome you into the neighborhood . Didn 't know if anyone else would , but I assure you it 's a nice one , " she said , laughing as Amelia took a bite and enjoyed them . She shook her head when she asked if William lived with her , but said " Yes , we are like dating , " with a smile . She always hated saying " my boyfriend " because it sounded so possessive to her . But dating was a good description of it . " Wow that 's really cool ! " she said , genuinely , when she spoke of her job . It was cool to have such an interesting neighbor . She must have been really smart . " Your snake should be fine . I 've never heard of anyone having a problem with pets around here . Just as long as you don 't let him loose in the neighborhood or anything , but that 's kind of a given . " Jennifer laughed again and nodded when she asked if they worked in town . " William and I are both doctors at the hospital . " She wondered if she should mention that they were also werewolves in the local wolf pack , but figured with Amelia being a witch she might figure it out on her own . William noticed the way the house looked like , so dark and seemed unfriendly , but the woman was the opposite of it , she looked extremely friendly and a polite person . Well , witches was always weird people , wasn 't they ? At least the all witches he got to know they were kind of weird , but most of them were evil if not they had something wrong with them , but Amelia was different she was a cheerful person , this was actually going to be a good friend for Jennifer , somebody like this is what Jennifer needs . He said with a small laugh . He never thought somebody would actually have a snake as a pet , especially a woman . But if she wanted protecting around her house , using a bat as a first impression and then have a snake as her pet , was actually a good protecting to those who feared snakes . Then the conversation went back to what they were , Amelia worked at Police department , and was somewhat a lab rat . Interesting job , and that would also explain why this woman didn 't had so much fears , she certainly was forced to see extremely disgusting things from crimes , no ? When William expressed interest in Amelia 's snake , Rattles , by saying " You have a snake ? Badass . " Amelia jumped up and skipped over to the tank , taking back the lid and then reaching in , to bring out the snake thinking that if he liked snakes , he would surely love to pat it . " Hold on , you can stroke my snake if you like . " She chirped , pulling him out , a metre at a time , then wandering over to drape the snake around William 's shoulders . Amelia was an expert snake handler , and the snake seemed to be content enough to start winding itself around William 's neck and shoulders , when suddenly Amelia 's cell phone started to beep . " Just a sec , let me take this call . " She turned to go find her cell phone in among the cushions of her love couch , finally digging it out and flipping it open . It was a text message , and then Amelia slid her finger across the screen to open it . What she read , made her stop in her tracks . It was from her ex - boyfriend , Lysander . Needless to say , she had no idea he even lived in the same apartment complex . Jennifer laughed at William 's reaction to her having a snake . A snake was certainly an interesting pet to have . When she brought it for him to hold she watched it move . They were very cool creatures and fun to watch move . Her phone buzzed at the same time that Amelia 's did , which she found odd since she didn 't see how they would have any mutual friends . Jennifer didn 't know this girl at all . But she supposed if she was a witch then she may know the other supernaturals in town . They hadn 't talked about why Amelia moved here or who she knew yet . So Jennifer held up a finger to William as if to tell him to wait a second and pulled out her phone . It was from Lysander . Was it something about the pack ? She and Lysander hadn 't spoken much other than small talk and when they had to interact because they were in the same pack together , but she 'd always liked Lysander . He was a good guy . She felt they had bonded a little without words when River and Galtem hooked up because only he knew the same pain that she had . But the difference was , Lysander got the girl anyway and they seemed to live happily ever after . Or at least that 's what she had thought . She read the text message just before Amelia said it out loud . She was glad that Amelia had said it so she didn 't have to . Jennifer was speechless . She didn 't know what to think . Of course she never liked River . But that didn 't mean she wanted her dead . " Poor Lysander … " she whispered . Her eyes were dry , but her expression was mixed with sadness and worry . She looked to William . " Will , I want to go to the funeral , " she decided . It didn 't matter if River and she had had their differences . She wanted to pay her respects . " But I don 't want to go alone . " Galtem would be there of course . Maybe he would bring Selene for moral support . She couldn 't do that by herself . She couldn 't do that without Will . William tilted his head to the side , and began to chuckle when Amelia told him he could see her snake . Oh wow , he was really going to pet one ? He never feared snakes , so he always wanted to know the feeling of touching one , and how it is on having them around you . Soon Amelia showed up with the snake , and placed it around Williams shoulders . One hand would be holding the end of the snake , and the other , its neck , staring at the snake 's head . The snake was actually something weird to touch , it was actually a nice feeling , but at the same time weird . He was having fun , hell , he even started to make the snake making out with Jennifer . Well , " making out " . He was just poking the snake 's mouth against Jennifer 's cheek . William said with a smile , till Jennifer told him to wait a little since she got a message at the same time as Amelia ? Well weird , but William was more distracted with the snake . He soon made the snake turn its head and stare at him . The snake stretched out its head , getting closer to William , and all he felt was its tongue touching his cheek . Other weird feeling . Lysander remained quiet staring down at his son , while rocking the chair , so the baby could remain calm . His eyes stared down at the coffee Melinda had gave it to him . Now he knew he was going to change lots of things in his life , especially his daily routine , now it would only be work , home , home , work . He would have no time for friends , and he certainly would need to stop drinking alcohol , he has kids to take care about now . Those kids was going to drive him insane , because when one sleeps , the other one is crying , and he will never have some decent peace at the end , he knows Melinda will help him , but he doesn 't want her to think he can 't do anything alone , nor he wants to bother her forever . Lysander said those words to Melinda , as he grabbed the phone and began to text . Texting this only made her death more real , and it actually forced him to start crying again , but quietly , and the tears was less . He needed to put himself together , and he had the perfect idea for it . He took one of those anti - depressing pills . It would be enough for him to feel kind of numb , but he woulds till be aware of what was going around him , it just would stop the all crying and make him feel so depressed . After sending the text , he pushed himself up from the couch , and went upstairs , taking Eric on his arms as well , he needed to get himself ready for the funeral , and the kids as well , even tho he didn 't felt like waking up Halle . Melinda still keep on playing origami , since it would be enough to make her distracted for awhile , she wasn 't in need for pills , the alcohol would be enough , and she was taking it so she could feel slightly numb . She soon pushed herself up from the couch , and began to walk around the living room , having her arms folded in front of her chest , as her eyes looked around . She was trying to keep her mind busy , so it wouldn 't start thinking about her daughter , but whenever she noticed that Lysander began to cry , she allowed some tears to slid down as well . It was so quiet , yet inside there could be a voice screaming in pain , inside the both of them . Melinda 's eyes laid on the window , as she noticed that they was having some new neighbor , but it wasn 't a simple one , she felt a strong scent of magic in the air , and it was so familiar , she was trying remember where she had already felt like this , this magic was way too familiar , and she finally remembered it ! It was younger sister , Amelia . She was their new neighbor ? Lysander probably sent now her a message about River , so she certainly got the message right now . Melinda was curious and she wanted to face her sister after all those years , they haven 't seen each other in awhile , and of course she missed her , but she hoped her habit on having snakes were gone , Melinda always feared those things . Lysander went upstairs , so Melinda took that chance to meet up with Amelia . She left Lysander 's apartment , and hugged herself since it was kind of cold . Walking up to Amelia 's door , she just began to knock on it . She hoped it was really her sister , because then this would be a very awkward meeting , since she had no clue on what she would say if it wasn 't really Amelia , and it was just some random person . Rate this : Share this : TwitterLinkedInRedditGoogleTumblrPinterestFacebookLike this : Like Loading . . . Rivet Condos - River Marked . 13 The beeping sound of the removalist van backing up towards the drive of Apartment 112 , had Amelia come running out of the empty apartment , excited to see her belongings had finally made it from her old apartment . The real estate agent , who had been going over the check list of all the utilities and services with Amelia , wandered out to watch , with the clip board now held up to her chest . Amelia had had a rough day at work , spending much of the time searching for the deceased 's ear as part of the autopsy report on the latest case . Her signature lab coat was on the front seat of her small hatchback , and Amelia was dressed in her traditional grunge / emo attire , that she wore so well . The roller door on the back of the truck swung up , as the two removalists started to unload the boxes and crates , with various black furnishings , to be taken inside her new apartment . Some of the statues and oddities that were coming out of the van , had the real estate agent raise an eyebrow . Massive candle sticks , and a large glass case that housed her pet snake . As the items were carried past , Amelia stood with a joyful expression . " Doesn 't everyone ? " Amelia replied , then she could see that this was unsettling the Real estate agent , so she was quick to say . " In my spare time , I like to help get anti venom for the hospitals . Do you know how many lives that saved alone last year ? I should have got a medal . " The witch said with a firm nod . The Real estate agent sighed , and then handed Amelia her card . " If you need anything , call me . It has my number . Oh … . and try not to have the music blaring too loud . There are tenants with small children here . " Amelia saluted , and then she leaned forward and said . " Only singing is from me , and I normally do it whilst dancing naked around an open fire . I think the kids here can sleep easy . " The real estate agent rolled her eyes and headed to her posh looking sedan , leaving Amelia to the unpacking . Amelia did a little finger wave , and then skipped inside , to start unpacking . Reaching Halles bedroom , it was all based on pink and white colors , he slowly placed her on the cradle , and cover her with a small blanket . He stayed there for a couple of minutes , just to stare at her , admiring her . Then he went down , to kiss her forehead softly , before turn off the lights and walk out of the bedroom . Whenever they got home , Melinda got out of the car , and held Eric against her , having a blanket covering his body and his face . She just followed Lysander inside and nodded when he told her that he was going to put Halle in her bedroom . She just went into the living room , sitting down on the couch , and hold Eric , staring down at him , he was such beautiful baby , unluckily for him , he will now live without a mother , but he will have his father and grandparents support , people always say a grandmother is mother twice , and that 's basically what Melinda was going to do , Lysander will need tons of help to take care of two young children , and she was afraid if he couldn 't make it , if he could do something stupid because of the loss of River , she knows how much he loved that woman . He lost his father , then lost the trust he held towards his brother , and now he lost River , the only family he has is his two children , and their grandparents . Whenever Lysander was back , she looked up at him , and allowed him to remove Eric from her arms , and put him on a rocking baby chair , she just stared down at the baby , before huff out , the atmosphere was getting too depressing again , Melinda wanted to cry , because she lost her daughter , yet she didn 't wanted to put Lysander more depressed than he already was . Pushing herself from the couch , she went into the kitchen , and made a coffee for him , but for her , she certainly got a cup of vodka . She needed alcohol anyways . No matter how many years it passes , Melinda will never stop drinking her dear alcohol . She come back and gave Lysander a mug with coffee , there was no way he was going drink alcohol , he had children to take care , and he would certainly need to do huge changes on his daily routine by now . This night , she had still many unopened boxes on the ground floor , though the furniture and rugs had been put in their places . One box marked " First night essentials , she had near the snake tank , and kneeling down on the floor , she took out a stanley knife , and ran the blade across the tape that secured it . Lifting open the flaps , she smiled , as she dug through the packing foam , and pulled out her lap top , power cord , a copy of the DVD Ghost , a bottle of wine , and a boxed set of glasses , two to be exactl Her nightie , some smalls and her wet pack , with everything from her toothbrush , to shampoo and soap . She held up the bottle of wine , and turned her wrist , looking at the label . " And . . its a good year … . this year . Nothing but the best , eh , Rattles ? " The snake was under the light of the heat lamp , and you could see the flicker of its tongue , as Amelia placed her lap top on the coffee table , and flipped it open . She set down the bottle of wine and took out a glass , pouring herself a drink to celebrate her move . The copy of Ghost , she placed in the DVD drive door , and pressed enter , as it slid in and Amelia got comfortable with her wine and eased back onto the love seat , as the titles started for the movie . Jennifer texted Anya to ask her to cover for them . She decided to just tell her they were taking a sick day and when she 'd call later she would tell them they had caught colds from each other , since neither of them seemed keen on having their co - workers thinking they were throwing up . Even if they knew they were simply taking a … " personal day , " there wasn 't much they could do about it if they said they were sick since it was strictly against the rules to come to the hospital if you had any sign of fever . Even if you were simply coughing you had to wear a face mask . Which Jennifer had done just so she could still go to work . Work was very important to her . She loved helping people and becoming a doctor was the best way to do that . But her relationship with William was more important . Especially at the moment . It wasn 't like anyone was going to take the time to come check on them , anyway . Jennifer took William by the hand and pulled him into her house , laughing lightly . They had walked since neither of them had brought a car and the last fifty yards or so she had made him run with her . It was such a playful , childish thing to do , but it made her happy to just relax , have fun , and laugh . She stopped before getting all the way inside , because she noticed a moving van outside house 112 . " Ooh , I get a new neighbor today . Will you help me bake something for her ? Please ? " she asked him , grabbing his other hand now so that they were face to face and she was batting her eyelashes at him , making the best puppy dog face that she could . " I want to greet her . " Of course she was just a nice person and would do it for anyone , but this was particularly important to her for a very specific reason . Her only friend in this neighborhood was Galtem and that relationship had clearly taken a turn for the worse as of today . And she could use all the friends she could get right now . All she knew about the new person in 112 was that she was female , because Jennifer had been around when she had checked out the house , butGuest _ izatox William on the whole way has been chasing Jennifer , she was forcing him to run around , it was something extremely childish , but he enjoyed the way it made her calm down and how happy she looked like , with that beautiful laugh of hers . They needed some time to laugh after what had happen anyway . Jennifer sent Anya a message asking her to cover for them , Anya was Jennifer 's friend , so she was basically William 's friend as well , he was a guy who got along with everybody pretty well , but not with that certain guy , Galtem . He just couldn 't stand him , the same way he couldn 't stand William , maybe if Galtem had never been with Jennifer , or start to threat him , he could be friends . But after threaten him about if he makes Jennifer cry , that pissed him off , because William never made her cry , he was only there for please her , and do whatever she wanted . Galtem was the one who made her cry , and left her behind , so he really had no right on saying those stuff . Soon they reached her house , and he held Jennifer 's hand , as he noticed a van outside the house 112 , this meant Jennifer had a new neighbor . His eyes went back at her , as she was asking him for help her on baking something for the neighbor , Jennifer was always this nice to everybody , but he thought she also wanted to make up new friends in her neighborhood . She grabbed his both hands , as the both of them was facing each other , she was making that puppy dog face , that made him bite his lip , and tilt his head down while chuckling . He finally offered his help . William wasn 't a bad cooker , since he has been living alone this all years , of course the guy had to learn how too cook , so he could make food for himself , he couldn 't spend his whole life on ordering chinese food and pizzas , now could he ? And he had to admit sometimes it felt better when it was him making the food , but it was even better when it was Jennifer making . " Good ! " Jennifer said excitedly , her smile growing when he said he 'd help her . " Because , you really didn 't have a choice and it would be a shame to have to force you , " she teased . Jennifer wasn 't the most amazing cook . She would definitely rather order in or eat out than put out the effort to make something , but when it came to desserts she very much enjoyed getting creative . When she wasn 't making something fun like desserts , she just became stressed out and occasionally threw things . She could count her major freak outs on one hand and three of them involved cooking . But , luckily she was going to make a dessert and William was with her and there was no chance her stress level would go up when he was around . When she kissed him , he stopped her from turning around by wrapping his arms around her waist . She smiled and allowed him to keep her there for a moment longer , continuing to keep her lips on his until he was the first to pull away . He winked . God , he was sexy when he winked . She bit her lip as she smiled up at him . When he let go and asked what they were making , she became excited and turned around to go to the kitchen . " Well , I found this recipe online that I have been dying to try . Someone posted a picture of them on facebook and posted the recipe under it . They 're cookie dough bites and they look amazing . " She went to another room to grab her laptop and brought it back to the kitchen and opened it up on the counter . " They seemed like the perfect thing to greet a neighbor with . Pies are too stereotypical and even cookies are what everyone expects , " she chattered on as she pulled up her facebook page . She scrolled down looking for it . She stopped when she saw the pictures of Galtem and Selene in horror . Them looking … happy . She 'd never seen Selene look happy . He was kissing her cheek in some . She definitely didn 't think of Galtem as the " take cute couples photos with my girlfriend " type , but there he was . With the most heartless girl out there . In some ways , literally . When she saw the one that showed the whole outfit he was wearing with the sign that said he loved her she almost physically gagged . What the hell was he wearing ? And for her ? Because he loved her ? He 'd been gone the majority of their actual relationship ! She wasn 't hurt this time . She didn 't want to cry . She was fuming . She wanted to rip his throat out . She quickly kept scrolling , hoping William hadn 't seen and found the recipe . " Here it is , " she said , trying to force her voice to sound like nothing was wrong . " So , we need butter , and both regular and brown sugar … " she muttered , going to the refrigerator trying to block out the horribleness of what she 'd just seen . William stared at her as he waited for her to explain him what was they really going to make . As she walked in the kitchen , he followed her while listening to her . So they was going to make cookie dough bites , the name already left water in his mouth , he adored cookies , and if Jennifer said by the looks of the picture from the cookies looked delicious , then he couldn 't wait for make them , and of course take one or two for him to taste it . They had to taste it first before give it to the new neighbor , right ? He stayed in the kitchen and folded his arms in front of his chest , waiting for Jennifer come back with her laptop , so they could take a look . He still didn 't got closer to her when she turned on the laptop , what made him curious was when all off sudden she was quiet , didn 't said a single word , and that made him wonder what was wrong . Approaching behind her , he took a peck over her shoulder , and finally noticed what she was seeing . It left him upset and relieved at the same time . Upset because Jennifer was looking pictures about Galtem , and relieved because there was another woman by Galtem 's side , and he was flirting with her , this only meant something , it was his girlfriend , for sure . Then he noticed that woman was Selene , the hell ? He was dating a vampire ? How was that even possible ? When did vampires and werewolves get along ? And with Selene ? One of the most heartless vampires out there ? And she looked happy as happy he looked . So they were fine ? Then why in hell Galtem come after William ? If he had a girlfriend then he should start minding his own business and stay away from him and Jennifer . Then he noticed the outfit Galtem was wearing and the paper he was holding in front of him . He was trying his best to not laugh , and once Jennifer changed back to the cookies and pretended like nothing happen , he couldn 't help but to burst out laughing . Top Posts & Pages Cocktails and Dreams - Sexy Shots and Mixed drinks . Horrible Histories - The English Kings and Queens Song . Night Lands Castle ( 9 ) - The Blood of Kings . All over the World - ELO - Flash Mobs . Boobs Inga . . . . Boobs ! - Chapter Eleven . 51 New and Used Worst Pick up lines . Very exotic coffee . The War of Demons and Angels - The Blood of Kings . What a pair . Minerva - The Blood of Kings . Recent Posts Mammon - Demon of Greed .
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I had over 10 years experience working with dogs . I knew better , but I took on a dog I should not have taken on . One of our volunteers who did so much for us and has such a big heart sent me an email about a dog that was confiscated in a cruelty case . The email included the police photos from the case . He was so pathetic , skin and bones , literally some of the most depressing photos I 've ever seen . His condition was absolutely deplorable and at the time , he was just a small puppy . The dog had to stay at the shelter during the investigation which took some time , but after the case was over , he was adopted by a very nice couple . They were the ones reaching out to rescue people . The email said their neighborhood had decided the dog was a threat and needed to go . I wish I could find the email to copy and paste , but I knew right away that they were leaving out something . There were holes in the story and it was obvious . Our volunteer said she felt compelled to drive down and rescue this dog 100 + miles away and wanted to know if we could take him into our rescue . I told her no , that I did not think it was a good idea and that I only take in dogs I can evaluate in person first . Against my advice , she decided to go and get the dog and keep him at her home until she could find a home for him . On her way home she called me and I could tell she knew she made a mistake . She said he was terrified and her gut told her his previous family wasn 't telling her everything about him . She had never seen a dog so fearful , but he did seem to love and be comfortable with the people surrendering him . She decided she couldn 't just leave him there and that she could fix him with love and training . Over the next few days , I started getting frantic emails about his red flag behavior and her husband wanted the dog out of their house . She was desperate and didn 't know what to do . I tried offering advice and tips , but then he attacked her dog and that was the final straw for the husband . She called me devastated saying she had no idea what to do . Against my gut and best judgment , I caved and told her to bring him to my house . She arrived and the dog was the most pitiful , terrified being I 'd ever laid my eyes on . He was shaking so intensely out of fear . His tail was as tucked as far as it could possibly be , with his body arched . He immediately ran into a crate that was open and refused to come out . Again , my gut was saying don 't take in this dog , but I felt bad for the volunteer and I thought my experience would allow me to " fix " this poor dog . She left and now started the process of gaining this dog 's trust . I sat outside of his crate and talked to him for hours . He wanted nothing to do with me , but then one of my dogs came and laid beside his crate and then started licking him the crate bars . Finally , he perked up a little . Then my dog came and sat in my lap as if to show him " It 's okay , you can trust her . " I was finally able to get a leash on him but he was still absolutely terrified , jumping at every movement and sound . I knew this was going to be a long road . With lots of positive reinforcement , he slowly , slowly started to come around , I mean it took weeks . The volunteer who had brought him to us would come over and visit him and bring him treats . She was so impressed with his progress . I admit , it felt good to be the person that could " fix " an un - fixable dog . As soon as I started to think he could be a normal dog , he became obsessed with me . I left him for 5 minutes to get a glass of water and he literally dug through a solid wood door . His face and paws were bloody with splinters . At that moment , I knew he would never be a stable dog , but instead of doing what was right I decided to still try and play the hero and continue to try and " fix " this dog . He decided he didn 't want to leave my side , putting him in his crate at night was becoming more and more difficult , but I chalked it up as separation anxiety . One night I went to put him in his crate . My husband had already gone to bed for the night and he is the heaviest sleeper ever . I led the dog to the crate and he got in , but then turned around and for a split second he looked at me and I knew something horrible was about to happen . I could see the desperation in his eyes . He went for me full on , I had just enough time to put my hands in front of my face . He grabbed one of my hands and thrashed it around . I was knocked to the ground and now was trying to fight him off with my hands and feet . Blood was flying everywhere , my blood . I tried to scream , but my voice wouldn 't work . It was absolutely terrifying . I 'm sure it was minutes , but it felt like an eternity and then all of a sudden our senior dog jumped on him . He immediately redirected on to her . She was no match for him and now her blood was everywhere . I finally found my voice and started screaming . I tried desperately to pull him off , but by that time my hands were swollen and useless . My husband didn 't hear my screams , I decided I had to leave the fight and run to the bedroom to wake him up . At that point , I think I went into shock because it 's all a blur . My husband tried to get me to go to the hospital , but I refused . Our dog had retreated to her crate and we could not get her to come out so we could assess her injuries . The room where everything had gone down in was covered in blood . It was on the ceiling , on the walls , all over the floors . There were trails of drips of blood throughout the house from where I had gone to get my husband and where our dog had walked to the other room to her crate after my husband finally got the foster dog into his crate . It looked like a crime scene . I had to throw away the clothes I was wearing , the sheets on the bed where I laid afterwards . The pain was surreal . I needed stitches , antibiotics , a prescription strength anti - inflammatory , and I 'm sure a lot more , but I was too terrified to go the hospital . I didn 't want to deal with the emotional pain that I had failed this dog and my dog . I bandaged my wounds myself . My hand is permanently scarred . My husband finally had to get wire cutters and cut open our dog 's crate so we could get her to the emergency vet . I called our volunteer and broke down in tears describing what had happened . She and her husband met us at the vet . Thousands of dollars later and they still weren 't sure if our dog would survive . We even said our goodbyes just in case she didn 't make it through the night . The volunteer graciously paid part of her bill . After a week of 24 hour vet care she was able to come home but still needed constant care . They weren 't sure if she 'd be able to use her back legs again , but with lots of care and time , she made a full recovery and lived another 2 years . After the fight , besides going to the vet , I laid in bed crying and depressed . I was trying to take everything in and figure out what the next step was and how this experience had changed my life . I decided to call my closest rescue friends . The first was our vet and she said the foster dog needed to be euthanized immediately . The next was my friend that 's been in rescue for over a decade . She agreed the dog needed to be euthanized . I agreed and realized not only did he need to be euthanized , but it should have been done a long time ago , even before he arrived at my home which was the 5th place he had been rehomed to . I am to blame for taking on a dog I knew was unstable , but I think blame also needs to go on to those that wanted to pass on the burden . I was confident in my decision to have him euthanized and made the appointment . My rescue friend agreed to go with me . I called the volunteer and I could tell she was hesitant about him being euthanized , but left the decision up to me . Later that night , I found out she had contacted another rescue to see what they would do in this situation . They told her once they rescue a dog , that dog was with them forever , that they did not euthanize for behavior reasons or give up on a dog . Hearing this stung . I started questioning my decision and called the rescue she had contacted . They were sympathetic about the situation , but offered another option and suggested the dog be sent to a " sanctuary " particularly Sanctuary Animal Refuge run by Palena Dorsey . I decided to look into that place and didn 't like what I saw , I also didn 't like the idea of this dog living his life out in a cage . ( Thank God I didn 't send him there because a short time later that place was shut down . ) Despite everything , I still loved the dog , even if I was terrified of him . I knew that I loved him enough to finally give him peace through humane euthanasia . Even though everyone was not happy with my decision , I decided I owed it to this dog . He had lived in a loving home for several months and those would be his last memories . He got to leave this world in the arms of someone who loved him , my arms . I learned so many lessons from this experience ; it really was life changing . I had worked in an open intake shelter before and knew you couldn 't save them all , but I think up until this incident , I thought you could " fix " them all . The truth is not every dog can become a loving , trusted companion . Some dogs have a past they just cannot get over , some are just born unstable . I think those of us in rescue that have learned this incredibly hard lesson need to be open about it . It 's one of those topics we don 't like to discuss and feel ashamed if we 've been through it . I also believe some people in rescue just won 't get it until they 've experienced it and I hope they never do . It 's also important to realize as a rescue , you are responsible for the dogs you put out into the community . People expect to get a dog from a rescue that 's been evaluated and observed , more so than a dog they would get from a shelter . As a rescue , you have a responsibility to not put an unstable dog into a home , even a foster home . On the flip side , people who no longer want their dog because it 's aggressive or unstable really need to ask themselves " what kind of person is going to be willing to take in a dog with those kind of issues ? " Especially considering how many stable dogs that don 't have temperament issues are euthanized every day . Also , not only are you putting other people in danger by rehoming a dog like this , but I think it 's also selfish to pass the burden on . Today I decided to jump on the bandwagon of cross - posting and virtual rescue . I started a page and featured dogs that needed homes . I didn 't know much about them , so I postulated their pasts . . . " dumped by their family , " " unwanted by their family , " " used as a bait dog , " and so on . I claimed they were from a high kill shelter , because people don 't want to know that animals die in shelters . I called them " urgent " and " deathrow dogs . " I tagged as many people as I could in the photos and encouraged others to do the same . No one wants to see a dog die , right ? Anywhere is better than the shelter , right ? Of course ! I can 't wait to see how everything turns out . . . I ask for donations to pay for the " pull fee , " because rescues can 't pay for that kind of stuff . I mean , I know a lot of rescues that don 't even get dogs fixed until they get an adoption fee paid . They just don 't have that kind of money laying around , you know ? Some people think that rescues should have a money base before getting started , but that doesn 't make sense . The sooner you jump in , the more dogs you can save ! Sometimes , the dogs get adopted before I can get them pulled . I can 't pull them myself , but I can use another rescue 's license to get them out . We try to find a foster home , but half the time they end up at my house . I have some that are dog selective , so they all have to stay in crates a lot . We started Chip In accounts to pay for their vetting , but really we 're just trying to make ends meet and pay for the dogs ' food right now . Sometimes , dogs will already be in rescue , but we leave the " urgent " tags to get more sponsorship money in . Once people think dogs are safe , they quit being so quick to give money . We have some friends that have a boarding facility , but we still owe them a lot of money . Some of our dogs have been there for months . . . maybe longer . It 's so good that they 're out of the shelter , though ! They could be dead ! We did have one dog that got to the point that he did nothing but pace his cage . If you tried to go near him , he 'd try to bite you . We tried to adopt him out , but the family said he snapped at their little kid . We had to finally take him to animal control to be put down because he bit one of our volunteers . The shelter he was in before we got him obviously warped his mind pretty bad . We have some people that are posting bad stuff about us . They say we don 't take care of our dogs right and that we are accepting donations under false pretenses . They say that we 're mean to shelter staff , but we all know shelter staff suck . They 're the reason dogs die . Those people are saying that we 're part of the problem , that we 're causing people to make impulse decisions on dogs . Yeah , we don 't really know where a lot of our dogs end up , but we know they 're safe . They 're out of the shelter , so they 're not going to die . Sure , I heard about that rescue that had all of those dogs starving on chains , but it 's not like any of ours went there . We have some awesome rescues and foster that take the dogs we pull when we already have too many . Some of them have 50 + dogs in their care ! They rock ! Yeah , they can 't feed them the best of food and they 're asking for donations a lot , but who can blame them ? They 're keeping those dogs out of the shelter ! Did you see anything wrong with the snippet above ? You should have seen a lot wrong with it . People all over the place are doing exactly what was chronicled here - assisting in the negative marketing world of death row dogs , urgent pleas , and begging for funds . That 's not real rescue . Don 't play the hero . When faced with trouble ( unforeseen medical emergencies , etc ) , responsible rescues network with one another and with the public to get the help they need . You can read more about what it means to be a responsible rescue here . Don 't fall prey to the animal hoarders , abusers , or plain irresponsible people claiming the title " rescue . " Donate your time and money to the rescues you can vouch for and to the shelters . There are so many fake rescues popping up over the country , as well as licensed ones that no dog should ever go to . Just because a rescue holds a license from the Dept . of Agriculture doesn 't make it okay . In the state of Georgia , you submit a fee ( pocket change ) and go through a scanty inspection and you 're a rescue . Mail in your renewal each year and you 're golden to continue . That 's horrible rescue oversight ! ! It 's amazing that it 's been two years already that I 've been writing on this blog . It 's even more amazing that I still have readers ! ! : ) Sometimes , I read other blogs and I think about how well put together and interesting they are . I 'd love to put that kind of effort into my blog . . . but let 's face it - it 's really just a window for my thoughts . When we got Otto ( and subsequently Axle ) , I was thrown into a whole new world - the world of the " pit bull . " I felt the need to prove a point , prove my dogs were these wonderful , friendly , totally harmless dogs that anyone could play with or pet . I felt the need to make therapy dogs out of them , to train them and teach them great tricks to impress the public . I thought the public hated my dogs , that I needed to prove " them " wrong . You can imagine how disappointed I was in myself as an owner and even in my dogs for quite some time . We had adopted another dog in the meantime who went into seizure never to come out , then another later who nearly killed Axle . I was seriously thinking all the bad luck in the world had come down on my head in one fell swoop . Things turned around when we found Remi , who has recently been featured on Kevin 's catalog and blog . I also began to find a lot more satisfaction in my dogs once I accepted them for who and what they are . I don 't have therapy dogs . I definitely don 't have perfect dogs , but I have dogs that are perfect for me and perfect for each other . What more could I want ? In my adventures with my dogs , the cats , and in advocacy in general , I 've learned the most important thing is to be a responsible owner . . . and enjoy your dogs . Don 't try to prove anyone right or wrong about your dogs . You know them best , and after all , you 're the one that has to live with them ! A dog raised in an environment where she was fed and given shelter , but the owners didn 't want to put the effort into training a puppy . Give the right home ( one with patience , at least ! ! ) , she became a " good dog . " ( reference : Remi ) See how the dog lived ? He had an uninvolved owner who was neglectful , at best . Given the right environment , the dog blossomed . Using the phrase , " It 's all in how you raise them " is misleading and lowers the chances for dogs with poor or unknown pasts to get a second chance on life and love . Unless a dog is mentally screwed up ( back to those genetics ) , giving them a chance will prove to be the best thing that ever happened to you . . . AND the dog ! ! Please excuse my dog . He 's neutered , and he won 't be making any puppies . He 's handsome , true , but he 's not breeding material . A little heavier and a little taller than standard and sports a diluted coat color and a gay tail , any responsible breeder would tell you he 's " pet only " material . Forgive my dog , he 's perfect to me , but he 's not going to be perfect for you . He 's not shy about letting you know if he likes you or not , and he 's sure to despise you if he thinks you 'd ever hurt me . If he likes you , he 's sure to give you unwanted kisses . He doesn 't want to walk on a leash for you if I 'm around , and he 's not likely to let you in the house if I 'm not home . Pardon my dog , he 's not fond of other dogs . He doesn 't want to be your dog 's play mate , and he doesn 't want to have doggie play dates . He doesn 't care if your dog is " friendly , " he wants you to keep him at a distance . Thanks . Kindly disregard my dog , he 's not a meat head or a thick dog . He 's lean and fast and not likely to impress anyone with his size . He doesn 't look tough and he doesn 't look like the majority think a " Pit Bull " should look . Please turn a blind eye to my dog , he has a high prey drive and isn 't fond of squirrels or your cat in his yard . He really doesn 't like your off - leash dog roaming through his yard , either . Please just overlook my dog , he 's in love with a Boykin Spaniel and two cats and our family . He 's a couch potato at times , yet bursting with raw energy and power . He wants to catch , not fetch , and he 's afraid of plastic bags . So just ignore my dog . He doesn 't fit the typical " Pit Bull " advocate mold , he 's not what 's in high demand on the BYB circuit , and he 's too plain for the big leagues . He 's just a good ol ' boy - family dog , die - hard wannabe catch dog , and loyal protector . If yours doesn 't isn 't like mine , that 's okay , I 'll just excuse your dog for being himself . " All I can be is me . " I like taking the dogs for a walk through our neighborhood . It 's still too hot to do our winter routine of 4 - 5 miles , but the past two months of rain has cooled it off enough for a mile walk in the late evening . . . until the mosquitoes come back , that is . You 'd think the biggest risks in walking through a rural neighborhood would be oncoming traffic ( careless drivers ) and watching out for bikers / pedestrians . If only ! The biggest threat in my neighborhood is a slew of off - leash dogs . In case this is the first post of mine you 've read ( shame on you , catch up ! ) , I have two dogs - Axle and Remi . Axle is very protective of me , and he 's leash reactive to other dogs . There 's the occasional dog that he takes to ( usually Lab - a - likes ) , but most of them are a threat in his eyes . He 'll bow up , snarl and strain at the leash . For some reason , the loose dogs in my neighborhood treat this display as an open invitation to play . What part of " I 'm going to bite the sh * t out of you ! " sounds like " Let 's play ! " ? ? ? ? ? Apparently so . If I 'm lucky ( or unlucky ) , they 're followed by a frazzled owner , haplessly crying out for their sweet nookums munchkins to return to the safety of their own yard . Sometimes , they also display confusion and / or anger that I am practically screaming at their dog to " GO HOME , " " GO AWAY , " or " LEAVE IT . " By golly , people , I 'm trying to save your dog 's cute face . Of course , if Axle ever did take a chunk out of one of those imps , he 'd be the one on trial . Our human always tries to be responsible ! How is that fair ? My dogs are vaccinated , spayed / neutered , and on a leash . When they are outside , they were in a fence . I get that not everyone can afford a fence , but there 's other options . You can keep your dog indoors and take them outside on a leash . You could set up a trolley / cable run if you had to , although I 'm not very fond of tie - outs . You could also kennel them when you can 't supervise them . Either way , letting a dog run loose through your yard and the neighborhood is hazardous - to your dog and to others . This rant brought to you by the Pomeranian that nearly got ran over , the brindle mixed breed that bit Remi 's leg and nearly got himself bitten , and the big black dog with her miniature cohort that scared Remi so bad I had to carry ( yes , CARRY ) her home while I kept a tight grip on Axle . Have you had any run - ins with off - leash dogs ? Discuss ! I guess it should come as no surprise that volunteers often get burned out . I am no exception . I 've been volunteering at my local shelter for going on two years , and I 've had to take a break . Between keeping up with my other obligations and working overtime at work , I just haven 't felt like dealing with the sweat and the smells at the shelter . I used to help out at adoption events , which I loved . Seeing people bond with the shelter dogs was very rewarding , especially when I got to see them go home . Since those events have been put on hold , it 's just the same , day in and day out . The smell , the heat , the crowded shelter , and the constant influx of animals while more and more are being produced by irresponsibly owned pets gets to be too much . Honestly , that really is what you have to do . Real change takes time , and there 's no doubt you 'll feel overwhelmed along the way . Nothing wrong with taking break in the meantime ! ! When I was younger , my mom always taught me that it wasn 't " can you do it , " it 's " should you do it . " Therein lies one of life 's greatest philosophies , repeated in our small country kitchen time and time again . I 'll be writing a series on ethics . You may not agree with everything I have so say , but I would appreciate you taking the time to read each post , think about it , then give me your honest feedback . Facebook can be a wonderful tool . It 's also the breeding ground for those annoying people called " cross - posters . " I 'm sure the idea was bred from good intentions , but let 's face it , those are the people we either hide or delete altogether . To really get a dog attention , you should post dogs in the area of your friends / followers , and try not to do it too often , or you will be deleted / hidden and all of your efforts become null and void . Secondly , don 't tag every animal lover you know in the photo . If you 've talked to someone about the dog , it 's polite to tag them with a " Hey ____ , here 's that dog I was telling you about " and leave it at that . When you constantly tag someone , it busies up their news feed and that of their friends , so again , your message is likely to be deleted or hidden . From all of the posts I see daily in my news feed , I often see pleas for dogs in rescues or shelters that need money for medical care . The dogs have broken limbs , severe mange , eyes hanging out of their sockets , you name it . People are pleading for the dog to be taken out of the shelter . Rescues are pleading for money to cover the medical bills the dog will certainly accrue . . . It all seems like a horrible cycle . Yes , a dog with severe mange or with their eyeball hanging out can be fixed up and saved . I 'm sure quite a few of you have wonderful dogs that were saved in situations like this . They also make for wonderful publicity . The question isn 't " can they be saved , " it 's " should they be saved . " Now before you go into a rant calling me a heartless witch , think about it . How many more dogs could you afford to save if you didn 't save the one dog that had lots of issues ? Quite a few . In my opinion , it doesn 't make sense to rescue a dog you know will take a lot of time and resources and let a much healthier dog die in its stead . I know they tug at your heart . You want to save them all , but the rescue community really can 't afford that right now . I 'm pretty convinced Twitter is evil , but it 's an inevitable evil . Thanks to Instagram , Facebook , and other integrated social networking sites , you cannot avoid hash tags . # Ever . If you have something you really want people to see , you can 't just post it and expect it to go viral like Boom ( the cute Staffordshire Bull Terrier owned by Working Terriers ) , the dog that posed with Easter bunnies . No , instead you have to accent your entire sentence with hash tags . For example , # cute # dogs won 't # getnoticed without the proper # hashtag . Annoying , isn 't it ? Well , I 've dodged the bullet as long as I possibly can . With being an author for Dogster / Catster and my own blogs , it 's hard to build an audience when you 're obstinately avoiding modern technology , aka the Twitter . I 've had plenty of things " tweeted , " but I have no clue what they say . So I gave in and reactivated my Twitter account . I 've updated it , so it no longer sports a picture of my 19 year old self with a shaggy hair cut . I 've added details about myself . I think I 'll even make a tweet . Or tweet a twit . Or twit a tweet . Whatever . So if you 're all modern and stuff , feel free to follow me or like me or whatever you do when you pretty much stalk someone on Twitter . I 'll try to stalk you back , or at least keep up with your hash tags and @ 's and what - have - yous . I added a link , but for those of you that are Twitter savvy , I 'm just me , meghanlodge . . . or rather @ meghanlodge ! ! Being a volunteer at my local shelter , I get to meet lots of dogs and cats from all sorts of backgrounds . Most of the time , no one knows anything about the animal except what they can see - color and size . The shelter I volunteer for has a very high intake rate . Dogs and cats are pouring in every day . They take photos of them on intake , but they don 't always have the time to get the animal to look at the camera , and they may not be able to take the animal out of the cage for a photo at that time . That 's where I come in . By the time dogs make it on to the adoption floor , they 've been at the shelter for a little while . . . long enough to learn when feeding time is and the normal routines of the shelter . They 've been walked on leashes and handled daily for a while , and are much easier to photograph at that point . . . at least in comparison to Day 1 . I don 't always get good photos of them , case in point the photos in this blog post ! ! That aside , I try to get the shots I can in hopes of increasing their chances of adoption . This past Saturday , I had the privilege of the company of another volunteer . She was a big help in distracting the dogs so I could get some shots in . When I first got there , she had already spent all morning with one dog , a little puppy . I let her know that we needed to spread the love out - that all the dogs need a chance to come out , or at least as many as possible . She said she liked smaller dogs better , because the big dogs scared her . I told her we would have to change that ! She said she would be okay with it if I walked them . . . and we didn 't bring out any pit bulls . She had heard that pit bulls would " turn " and bite . Well , that 's outdated info , now isn 't it ? ! After a full afternoon of small dogs , big dogs , and everything in between , I brought out one of my favorite dogs , Deago . His coloring is different , but he reminds me a lot of Axle , including his love of giving hugs . I didn 't tell her his breed . After she had played with him and commented on how cute ( and skinny : / ) that he was , I asked her if she was afraid of him , since he was a big dog . She said no . I asked if she was sure , and she said she was , that he was sweet . So I told her that he was a pit bull . She was amazed ! I then showed her pictures of Axle and the rest of the fur family . Before she left , she said she had decided that pit bulls weren 't " so bad after all . " : ) See below for a cute pittie smile . A few months ago , some new neighbors moved in down the street . They 're dog lovers , too . They walk their dog at least twice a day , from what I 've seen . You can imagine how excited I was to see fellow dog walkers move into the neighborhood ! When we first moved here , everyone looked at me like I was crazy for walking our dogs . Now they look at two families like they 're crazy ! ! I 've been wanting to stop by and welcome them to the neighborhood , but time has not been in my favor . Today , as chance would have it , I was walking Remi and Axle by their house when the woman came out of the yard with their dog . Axle immediately went on the defensive , and I quickly let the woman know to keep her distance . She and I were trying to have a get - to - know - each - other conversation over the barking of our dog . I walk Axle and Remi on one leash , a connector joining their harnesses . While Axle hopped around barking , Remi was tugging in the opposite direction . The stimulation was too much for Axle , and he turned on Remi . He didn 't hurt her , but it looked ( and sounded ) nasty as he growled and snarled at her . It scared Remi and embarrassed me . In the meantime , the woman 's husband came up and asked if I needed any help . Axle quickly positioned himself between us and issued a low warning growl . I apologized , but the man seemed very understanding . He said that he had no problem with a dog being protective of his owner . We talked a bit more , then I walked the dogs home . I was really embarrassed , to say the least . Axle had made quite a butt of himself in front of strangers , and he 's a pit bull . He 's supposed to be a breed ambassador , right ? He 's supposed to disprove stereotypes . And there he was , an anti - social growling mess . The more I thought about it , though , the less bad and the less embarrassed I felt . This is because I thought about what all Axle has been through during his two short years - A LOT ! ! It 's all documented throughout the blog , but here it is in a nutshell : Axle lived with Otto for a year . Axle was only 4 or 5 months old when the fights started . We thought it was because they weren 't neutered yet , but neutering didn 't change things . We tried training , crate - and - rotate , you name it . We found out the hard way that Otto was the problem - he was unstable and human / dog aggressive to such a degree that we couldn 't leave the house without a muzzle on him and a very strong , very secure leash . Axle learned from Otto that it didn 't matter what he did , he would be attacked . We thought things would get better with Bobob ( shelter dog ) , and they did . . . until Axle woke me up one morning because Bobob was having seizures . Bobob never woke up . : ( In the meantime , we had moved to our current house and Axle had completed training . Walking through the neighborhood unveiled a new set of problems - loose dogs . There is no leash law in the county I live in . One particular house had a group of 8 dogs that would charge us , barking and snapping . One of them bit me in December of 2010 . Axle was also bitten on a later date . After Bobob , we adopted Spudet . Things seemed to finally be working in our favor . Axle and Spuds got along beautifully . . . until the day she tried to kill him . He still has pink , hairless scars on his legs where she tore his flesh . Everywhere else ( neck , ears , face , chest , thighs ) has grown white hair over the scars . He had a buddy down the road who would come out for a friendly doggy " hello " when we 'd go walking , but his family had a baby . After the baby was born , the dog 's attitude shifted . When we would walk by , his hair would stand on end and he would growl . If he was contained in his yard , it wouldn 't be so bad . One day , Axle 's former buddy bit him on the nose . I guess Axle really liked him , because he didn 't bite back . For months ( not sure exactly how long ) , someone was breaking into our house and stealing medication . I don 't know exactly how long they did it or what all they went through before they found what they wanted to take , but I do know it took a toll on Axle . The thief was subtle , at least in the beginning , and was using a key , so we had no idea what was going on for quite some time . In the meantime , Axle was having to witness a stranger coming into HIS house , and he couldn 't do a thing about it . Small wonder he had broken two welds on his crate trying to get out ! ! ( Axle and Remi are currently on a trial being free range in the house . ) There 's really no reason Axle should have to be so perfectly behaved . Look at everything he 's been through ! I do the responsible thing - I let other dog owners know that Axle is a Dog In Need Of Space , and we avoid dog parks . We caused a bit of a stir in the neighborhood this past weekend . Actually , we kinda gave the whole town something to talk about when we drove from Pavo , through Thomasville , and then into the outskirts of Cairo with a building ( yes , a building ) on the back of a tow truck . Now , this isn 't just any old building . It 's my childhood playhouse . It has almost 20 years of history ! ! When I was 3 years old , my parents built a " storage shed . " Of course , I helped ! I spent two days hammering on one nail ! ! That Christmas , my dad carried me out . I was wearing teal footie pajamas and a red cowboy hat . I thought maybe I had a present hidden inside , but surprise , surprise , the present WAS the building ! ! It was my very own playhouse , an 8x8 wood building with a porch and shingled roof . I was really uptown ! ! My two cousins and me played for years in that playhouse . In ' 98 , was moved to the pasture and used as my horse barn . In ' 00 , it got moved around to the backyard and fencing was attached to it so it could be used as part of a chicken pen . By this time , I was calling it my " clubhouse . " In ' 03 , I put up a poster in it that I had bought at the Scholastic book fair . It was a poster of two Cavalier Spaniel puppies with bubbly purple letters that read , " Puppy Love . " I was so proud of that poster ! It stayed in my room for a year after I bought it ( ' 02 ) , then was moved to the clubhouse once I got " too grown up " for it in my room . In ' 04 , my dad wired it for electricity and installed a light . I had plug - in outlets for lamps , fans , or even a TV . That year , one of my BFFs came to spend the night . I think she was the only one that thought it 'd actually be cool to camp out in it ! ! We ate junk food and watched the Omen movies and Interview with a Vampire . We had to go back in the house to go to the bathroom - which meant a 30 yard dash in the pitch black of the country night . Don 't forget , the little house was still part of the chicken pen , with the back wall having a roost mounted on it . If you 've never been around chickens , suffice to say they are never quiet ! ! In ' 05 , the playhouse served as my music room while I taught myself to play violin . I know that saved my parents ' ears ! ! I got my learner 's license in ' 05 , so the building was soon retired to the status of storage building . Six years later , my husband and I bought our first house . Unfortunately , there was no room for all of our yard tools and other things that belong in a garage or storage shed . A year after we moved in , we still didn 't have anywhere to put our things , and it was getting old seeing my front porch full of , well , junk . My parents , loving and helpful as always , suggested we come and get the old playhouse and they would build themselves a new storage building . That 's what landed us following my husband 's coworker through town , the tow truck loaded up with my childhood playhouse . One of the little boys that lives behind our house told his family we were building a tree house . He later told them he rode his bike down to see us and we told him we were going to park our cars in it . So cute ! ! Everyone had to take a peek at the playhouse making it to its new home . Like my parents , I like to take care of my things . They always taught me that , if you take care of them right , things can last a lifetime . The old playhouse will turn 20 this December . She 's due a wood treatment , but otherwise in great shape . I 'm hoping she lasts another 20 years , long enough for our possible future children to enjoy . ( By then , we 'll have a shop and garage for storage . ) Axle and Remi are very happy to have more room in their bedroom , too ! ! : ) A recent conversation has sparked an alarming issue : Axle isn 't wearing any tags . Neither is Remi . My name is Meghan , and I 'm a terrible pet parent . : ( I just gave Axle and Remi new collars on Axle 's birthday . Remi 's old one has her rabies tag , and one of Axle 's many other collars has his . Axle is due a new ID tag since his is worn beyond legibility . Both Axle and Remi are micro - chipped , but a tag could get them home way faster , especially since some people ( believe it or not ) don 't know to have the dog scanned . Here 's the problem . Axle has four different collars he routinely wears , and a few that he occasionally wears . . . not to mention the fact that I buy him a couple new ones a year . The obvious solution is the use a device to attach the tags to whatever collar Axle ( or Remi ) is wearing . I tried the tagnabbit ( http : / / www . petmate . com / tagnabbit ) . Axle had broken it before the day was over . He 'll also remove Remi 's tags if not properly secured . Next , I tried a screw - hook - thing . He got it undone . I really don 't know how he did it , but he did . The only thing I have found that he cannot undo is the tradition 's ' hooks that come with rabies tags . I have to put them on with pliers , and they 're a beast to get off . That means I 'm on the hunt for something new to attach tags with . It needs to be durable and Axle - proof . I haven 't tried many products because I 'm worried they won 't work and I 'll have wasted my money , so that 's where you all come in . What do you use to attach your dog 's tags ? Below , I 've listed some of the items I 'm considering . Any input is greatly appreciated ! !
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I was a lot more excited about seeing my family than I was about going back to work . It would have been a bad time for me to be away , so I 'm glad that I was able to be there . My mom actually didn 't know that I was going to be back in town , so I think that was a nice surprise for her . I saw my parents and spent plenty of time with them , which was good for a lot of reasons . I also spent time with my grandmother , both the white one and the black one ( she 's not actually my grandmother , she calls herself that , though ) . I shared some pictures from our website with my real grandmother , since she doesn 't use the internet . I also spent some time with Lesley 's parents , which was nice . And , I was able to see Adam , his dad , and Sofia . It was a very busy three days and I 'm really glad that I was able to spend so much time with so many people . It was especially cool that everyone was so excited to see me . I guess I 've been the center of attention before , like at graduation , but it cool that everyone was excited to see me and we had plenty to talk about , almost like I was a celebrity . Even though I had only been gone for a month , I couldn 't take closeness for granted anymore , so I wanted to make plenty of time to see people . Since I had to work a full day every day , making plenty of time to see everyone meant that I 'd have to sacrifice on sleep . As much as I wanted to go to bed on time and get plenty of sleep like I normally do , I figured I could sleep back in Seattle and I didn 't want to use sleep as an excuse not to see people . So , the trip was very tiring , and by Wednesday , I was exhausted . Still , it was worth it to see everyone and I enjoyed it . We 've mentioned before that there 's a band that practices across the alley from us . It seems like they practice there at least every other day . I generally really like the ambient sounds of the city , I think they 're part of what makes living in the city so exciting . So , I think it 's really cool that we get to hear music fairly regularly at a volume that 's quiet enough not to really bother us but loud enough to be good background noise . Still , it would be nice if the band weren 't always playing the same songs over and over . I understand that they have to practice and that they 're not there for our enjoyment , but , even at this low volume , hearing things over and over gets a little annoying . The weather here has been pretty consistent and has been gradually warming up . I figured that we wouldn 't see any more cold weather and would have to wait until next winter to possibly see some snow . However , over the past week , there has been some unseasonable snowfall . On my way back to Seattle from D / FW , I heard someone mention that it was snowing in Seattle , which seemed kind of hard for me to believe . However , it was snowing here , and it had apparently snowed a few times before I arrived and it snowed again after I got back . Most locals were surprised at the late snowfall , too . Nothing accumulated , but it fell for a while and was kind of neat to see . It was hard to get a good picture of the snow , but here 's one below : There are a lot of little differences between here and in Texas . One of the things I 've noticed is that they don 't use twist ties here for bread in the store , they use little clips like the one pictured below . I think I like twist ties more because they seem easier to remove , but it doesn 't really matter , I 'm just curious why they don 't use twist ties here . There 's a lot of moss here . I don 't know if it will go away as it gets drier and warmer , but right now you can see moss all over the place . Here 's a picture of some moss on a tree and of some moss on some kind of concrete barricade . There 's also moss on the ground and a lot of other places . There 's this cylinder thing near our sink and I don 't know what it is . We had one at our old place , too , but I figured it was just broken . Is it supposed to do something ? Are we supposed to be able to connect something to it ? It 's just kind of in the way and doesn 't make sense . There 's a young adults group at church that gets together monthly and we were invited to a wine , cheese , and chocolate tasting get - together last night . It was a lot of fun , we got to try a lot of different kinds of wine , cheese , and chocolate and meet and hang out with new people . I 'm really glad we went and am looking forward to doing more fun things like that in the future . I think it 's going to get prettier here , but now is a pretty time of year . Some of the pink trees nearby are losing their flowers , but other white flowers are blooming . It 's been very pretty walking around our apartments and seeing these flowers . Here 's a picture a couple blocks from where we live . Since the reason for and sponsor of my trip to town was my job , I 'll talk about that briefly . The original reason for me coming back was to attend a meeting which wouldn 't have been worth the trip if it were my only reason for being there . However , I had several other things coincide while I was there that kept me quite busy . I 'm working on a project to install , set up , and configure a software application that some people will be using at work , and we were having some issues with the setup that needed an expert to fix . So , we had a consultant come in for 12 hours over the first two days I was there , which kept me occupied a lot of that time . I didn 't have to be there the whole time , fortunately , so I could do some other things that I needed to , but it still took up quite a bit of my time . I also had several meetings to go to and didn 't have much time to meet face - to - face with my boss . Every day I was there was quite busy , though each day was a little less busy than the day before . While I wanted to get my job done , it was probably more important to me to get to spend time with people after work . Even though I had been gone only a month , there were a lot of people who wanted to see me , and I wanted to make sure to spend plenty of time with my parents . So , I made myself leave work at 5 : 00 every day , even though I had enough work to keep me there for at least another hour . I got into work every day at 8 : 00 , which is a little early for me , especially when it required waking up at 4 : 30 pacific time . I barely started packing the night before leaving , but fortunately it didn 't take too long . I had heard that getting through security at Sea - Tac airport ( short for Seattle - Tacoma airport ) took a while , so I wanted to make sure to get there with plenty of time . Unlike D / FW , Sea - Tac is incredibly easy to get in and out of , so Lesley was easily able to drop me off where I needed to be . I didn 't want to check any bags because I 'm impatient , so I fit everything into my carry on luggage and I was able to quickly get my boarding pass . Security did take a while , though . There were two lines , and as far as I could tell , one of them looked like it had a shorter distance to go than the other , so that 's the one I picked . What I didn 't realize though was that the other line had two people checking everyone 's ID and boarding pass and the line I chose was staffed by only one person . So , my line took quite a while . If I 'd chosen the other line it wouldn 't have taken long at all . Then , when I got to the front of the line to have my ID reviewed , the guy raised questions about my boarding pass , which actually wasn 't a boarding pass , it was a piece of paper that said my flight but didn 't have a seat number . For a brief moment I wondered if I 'd have to go back to the ticket counter , but he let me through . After partially undressing to get through security ( I had to take off my coat , shoes , watch , belt , and take my phone out of my pocket ) , I didn 't have any problems getting through with gel deoderant and toothpaste still in my bags and the struggle to put everything back on and away and get out of the security area without slowing the people down behind me wasn 't too bad . I don 't carry a whole lot with me that I need to put in the bins , so I don 't know how other people with a lot of stuff and with kids get through security without a lot of trouble . After getting through security , I went to my gate to get a legitimate boarding pass with a seat number and I ended up with an exit row . Not the whole row , just one seat on the row . Anyway , I0 My boss needed me to come back for a few days and I wanted to visit my family , so I was back in Dallas / Fort Worth for a few days . I hadn 't mentioned this here until now because I wanted to surprise my mom . In fact , until a day or so before I left , I hadn 't really given much thought to the fact that I 'd be traveling back to D / FW after moving away about a month ago . It kind of sucked leaving Lesley alone at home so shortly after moving , but she dealt with it well and enjoyed doing things that I 'm not that interested in ( Lord of the Rings is a good movie , but I can only watch it so many times ) . While I hadn 't been away from D / FW for that long , it was a little weird being back at the place where I spent so many years . I 'll share some more details and thoughts in the next few days . Troy had to go back to Texas for work . He left this past Sunday and comes back tomorrow afternoon . It sucks being here alone . Coming home to an empty apartment isn 't very fun . I 'm looking forward to him coming home tomorrow . I finally took some pictures of the view from my new job . We 're on the 28th floor and can see pretty far in most directions . It wasn 't quite clear enough to see the Olympic Mountains to the west , but I 'm sure some day this summer I can take some when it 's clearer . View from work : This past Saturday turned out to be a great day to go outside . Hardly a cloud in the sky and highs close to 60 . We woke up fairly early for us on a Saturday and went to eat bagels at a local place on Capital Hill . Then we drove to Snoqualmie Falls about 30 miles east of here off of I - 90 . I had been wanting to go see it ever since we got here . It 's sort of famous because David Lynch 's tv show , Twin Peaks , was filmed near Snoqualmie Falls and North Bend . Lots of shots from the show can be found around the North Bend area . After a pretty drive through a lot of forest , we finally got there and took several pictures of the falls . It was really windy close to the edge of the cliff . There was a good amount of people considering how cold it is still . I imagine it 's really busy in the summer . We walked down about 1 / 2 a mile to the bottom of the falls and took some more video and pictures . We could have gone into the Salish Lodge at the top of the falls , but we were getting hungry and wanted to get back to Seattle . After the falls , we drove back and stopped near the University of Washington . There are a lot of places to eat and shop near the campus . We ate at a Pho place and it was alright , pretty cheap , but not really my kind of food . Troy likes it a lot for some reason . We walked around UW for a while , then we went to Alki Beach close to sunset so we could see all of downtown Seattle lit up . This is one of the best places for views of the city . We walked around the shoreline for a while and then drove up to the top of the hill . You never see anything like this in Texas . Snoqualmie Falls : Alki Beach : It 's sort of hot in the afternoon since our apartment faces west , so we have our window open so the colder air can come inside . I can hear sea gulls in the distance , which I think is so cool . I can also hear them on my way to and from work . It 's really crazy that we live near an ocean now and can see and hear sea gulls all the time . It 's awesome . I don 't know what 's wrong with our fridge , but at various times throughout the day it suddenly makes very loud cracking noises . Normally it will make a few slight popping noises , a few seconds apart , and then it will make a really loud cracking noise , and then it will stop . The noise sounds like it 's coming from somewhere in the back , in between the fridge part and the freezer part . The only thing that I can figure out is that something in the fridge is turning on to melt the ice in the drain part of the freezer and the ice cracking makes the loud noise . I don 't know how fridges work , though , and why it would only be two or three times per day and why the noise would be loud enough to wake me up at night . It 's a fairly new fridge , too , so it 's a little confusing and annoying . We have a piano in the reception area of our office and I figured it was just for show or looks . To my surprise , it actually gets used - and during work hours too ! The President of the company plays the piano about once a week for a few minutes each time . It 's nice when he plays it because it 's so quiet at work except for hearing everyone type or talk on the phone or whatever . I think it 's pretty cool that he plays during business hours , I only wish he would play more . My current employment situation is pretty good ; I have a good - paying job that I like pretty well , my daily commute is like 20 feet , and being located remotely means that I can still do most of my job responsibilities but that I don 't get sucked into urgent issues that would have me working late . But , it is only a temporary arrangement , as my company will be finding someone to replace me who can be located on - site . So , that means that I need to be looking for a job here . I 'd probably be content to drag things out and take advantage of the position I 'm in , but I don 't want to be replaced at work and have no new job to go to , and Lesley has made it her highest priority for me to get a job . The problem is that while I can be a very self - motivated person , I 've been very unmotivated to look for a job . I 'm quite satisfied with my current situation , and I 'm sure I could find another job that I like , but I know that I don 't want to work in this field long - term ; I just don 't know what I want to be doing instead . I just don 't want to go through a bunch of trouble to find another job which isn 't what I want to be doing either ; it 's a lot of effort without much immediate benefit . I 've been struggling to figure out what I want to be doing for several years , but , like many people do , I 've been able to ignore that deeper desire to figure out my purpose . Still , I can 't help but feel that I 'm getting close to realizing what I want to do with my life and that I just haven 't realized it or found it quite yet . This leaves me wanting to delay looking for a job with the naive hope that within the next couple months I 'll suddenly know what I want to do and will be able to start doing it . I just need to realize that I 'm living in the real world and set my frame of mind to start really focusing on job searching and hope that someday things will be a little clearer . So , about a year ago , I decided to try to make meatloaf . Well , this required us to buy a can of Quaker oatmeal . I haven 't made meatloaf ever since for whatever reason and so we 've had this big can of oatmeal for a while . I finally decided to try to make oatmeal cookies with it since there is a recipe for them on the other side of the lid to the can . It seemed fairly easy and we had most of the stuff to make them . Anyway , I made them last night and it took about an hour . I halved the recipe , but it still made a lot of cookies . They 're pretty good actually . I may have to make some more for my mom when she comes to visit this summer , since I think they 're one of her favorite kinds of cookie . She likes peanut butter cookies too , but those sound harder to make ! Oatmeal cookies : Ever since we got here I 've been looking forward to checking the mail , not just because I actually like checking the mail and going through it , but because I 've been looking forward to getting cards and things from my family in Texas . I got a package yesterday from my sister ! It was in a long rectangular box and I had no idea what it could be . She sent me a really nice big umbrella and some makeup she got from her work ! The umbrella should work really well when I walk to and from work . I like it a lot and it seems to open and close good , unlike the older , cheaper umbrellas we have . It 's always nice to get free makeup too . So that was pretty cool to get all that stuff in the mail . Click here for some pictures of it : There are a ton of trees that are starting to bloom all over the city . A lot of them have all these pink blooms on them and are very pretty . I dunno if they 're cherry trees or what . Pink tree : Everybody knows that I got pretty sick of the hot weather in Texas . I knew the weather here would be more mild and I was looking forward to cold winters , seriously . There 's a lot of things to like about cold weather , but I just don 't think it 's been cold enough here . I guess at times it has been fairly cold and windy outside , but now the weather 's already warming up into the 50s , which means I don 't get to wear my sweaters , scarf , or beanie as much . And , even worse , we have never had to use our heater here . In fact , almost every day we 've had to open the window to keep it from getting too hot ! I guess we shouldn 't be too surprised since we face west and receive afternoon sunlight , but I was hoping that it would get chilly in here and give me a reason to cover up with a blanket and drink hot tea . Instead , I 've been wearing a t - shirt all day and have had to open the window to keep the temperature reasonable . I guess I shouldn 't really be disappointed , I don 't want a bunch of snow or anything , and compared to 90 degree afternoons in March and torrential downpours , the weather has been great . Still , a little part of my wishes it would be just a slight bit colder . . . and wonders what we 're going to do with no air conditioning in the summer . The weather this afternoon was great , in the low 50s with plenty of sunshine . Even though Lesley had just walked home from work , somehow I talked her into going for another walk . We had yet to walk to South Lake Union Park , so we took the 10 minute walk to get there . The park was rather small , but it offered some nice scenery and was a worthwhile walk from our apartment . Click the image below for pictures . I guess this is our 3rd weekend here , but I 'm sure we 'll lose count soon . After working my first full week , I was ready for the weekend and was looking forward to being able to sleep in again . Friday night we went to eat with the couple we met at church and that was really fun . After dinner , Troy and I drove around for a while and drove on the floating bridges to Mercer Island and Bellevue . We were able to use our webcam to talk to some friends and then went to bed . It was really nice sleeping in until like 9 : 30 Saturday morning . We didn 't really have a plan for the day , so we had to spend a lot of time figuring out what to do before we could leave . We finally went to Noah 's to eat bagels ( the same bagel place we went to last weekend ) and then we drove to Discovery Park . It 's a pretty big park that has a ton of places to sit on benches and see the great views from the cliffs . We walked probably over 3 miles throughout the park . It was pretty with all the pine trees everywhere and I bet it 's even prettier in the spring and summer when the other trees are green . At one point , we went to the western most point of the park and were able to walk right on the beach . There was a lighthouse there too and tons of rocks and sea shells . We also saw a Hanjin barge which was kind of cool . The first time we went to Seattle , we saw a ton of the Hanjin cargo containers near the docks and so I started to associate them with Seattle . Every time I saw one in Texas , which wasn 't very often , I thought about Seattle . Anyway , we spent a few hours in Discovery Park and after that we were pretty hungry , so we stopped to eat somewhere in an area of the city called the Ballard District . We went to see the Ballard Locks , which is a set of locks between Lake Union and Puget Sound . Since Lake Union and Puget Sound are at different heights and one is fresh water and the other is salt water , the city needed a system to move big boats between the two bodies of water so as not to disturb the marine life in each . After that we went back to the apar4 The first weekend we were here we went to a church nearby . We wanted to find to find a church to attend to aid our spiritual growth and we also hoped to meet people . On our first visit , I was surprised to see the beautiful , historic sanctuary less than half full , and I didn 't see many young people . It made me better understand what people mean when they call Texas part of the Bible - belt . But anyway , it just so happens that there 's a couple that attends the church that graduated from SMU a few years ago , kind of unexpected to meet people from Texas so far away . Anyway , they invited us out to dinner , so we went out last night to a sort of hip noodle place . It was a nice dinner , we had a lot in common , we came to Seattle for a lot of the same reasons , and we had a lot to talk about ; they 've only been living in Seattle for a few months longer than us but they gave us some suggestions on restaurants and things to do . Anyway , it 's kind of cool to have met people so soon after arriving , I 'm looking forward to meeting more people and having more social events . They have casual Friday 's here and I wasn 't told about it . We can wear jeans and tennis shoes if we want ! I 've never had a job that had casual Friday every single Friday of the year . That 's so awesome . I can 't wait to wear jeans to work next Friday . The two cameras we ordered showed up yesterday , along with two other boxes for the previous tenant . Here 's a picture of the webcam taken by the point - and - shoot camera : Here 's a picture of the point - and - shoot camera taken by the webcam : I was a little surprised that the point - and - shoot uses a battery pack rather than AA batteries . I forgot to even consider this when I bought the camera , but as long as I remember to plug in the camera to charge , I guess it 's no big deal that it doesn 't use AA batteries . Also , the camera didn 't come with a wrist strap and it 's not the easiest to grip , so I 'll have to figure out something to do about that . I haven 't gotten to use either of the cameras much , but am looking forward to using them . I started my new job working for a broker - dealer this past Monday and I 've been working for 3 days now . Here 's a few pictures of my building from the outside : It 's been a little hard getting up at 6 : 15 in order to leave for work at 6 : 45 , but it 's nice to get off work at 4 and still have tons of daylight . So far I 've just been sitting with various people , watching what they do and how they fit into the company . It 's been fairly boring at times and the people are like , " well , I don 't know what your boss wanted me to show you exactly , but um . . . you can watch me do what I normally do . " A few people have run out of things to explain to me . There are only about 30 employees total and there are about 350 registered representatives spread mostly over the Pacific Northwest that use us as a broker - dealer . It 's been hard learning everyone 's names and where they sit . Since I 've worked for a rep in the past and a clearing firm , I have a very good idea of how the business works and what the rules and regulations are , and think I 'll fit in pretty well . After just three days I have a good idea of what everyone does . One guy I sat with for a while gave me several restaurant recommendations , which was really cool . Everyone seems really nice and they 're very friendly . There are a lot of people my age and then a lot between the 25 - 40 age range . My boss is actually one of the people who 's worked there the longest and she 's reducing her hours this summer to transition into retirement . Most of us have little cubicle areas in groups of 4 . Unfortunately , my computer monitor faces out into the open room and so anyone walking by can easily see what I 'm doing . I 've been using my hour - long lunch break to check my email and stuff on the internet , but otherwise I probably shouldn 't play around too much , at least not this soon after starting work . I work on the 28th floor and can see for miles and miles . I can see Puget Sound and Alki Beach from my work , which is pretty awesome . They also have a kitchen with a dishwasher , microwave , refrigerator , 2 When we started this blog several months ago , it was mainly a way for us to keep a recorded journal of how things were going . But along the way , we realized that in additon to just being a journal , it could be a good way for us to let our parents know what 's going on . So , it 's kind of surprising and cool that now we have quite a few friends and people in our extended families who read this regularly . You 'd think that moving 2 , 500 miles away would put us farther apart from everyone , but now we get emails from friends and family that we didn 't talk to much before and it 's brought us closer . While a lot of the excitement has passed now that we 're here and moved in , I expect to continue posting regularly so that we can not only keep in contact with everyone , but also provide entertainment to everyone who reads this . Anyway , we 're happy that so many people read this and hope that you 'll keep coming back . Since I 'm working remotely and most of the rest of my coworkers are in central time , I 've been scheduling my day around central time , making sure to start working by 9 : 00 central time so that I 'd be available when most of my coworkers are . Since my work computer still uses central time , throughout the entire day I feel like it 's central time . So , I get off of work after a full day of work feeling like it 's 5 : 30 when in fact it 's 3 : 30 pacific time , so there 's still plenty of daylight left in the day . It feels like I get to stay up late , too , because I don 't go to bed until almost midnight central time , and even though I have to get up at 6 : 45 pacific , it still feels like I get to sleep in because I don 't get to work until 9 : 00 central . Anyway , working from home has its shortcomings , but I do like the schedule so far . Supposedly gas around here is up to $ 3 . 48 per gallon . I say supposedly because I 've barely noticed gas stations since I 've been here and we haven 't even gotten gas since we 've been here and still have almost a half tank left . Back in Texas , the cost of purchasing gas made up a good chunk of our monthly expenses , and even though the high price of gas encouraged us not to drive as much , there was no way to avoid it when we had to drive to and from work every day and drove from Irving to Fort Worth a couple times per month . Since we 've been here , though , we haven 't driven much . I telecommute every day so I don 't burn any gas , and now that Lesley 's working , she just walks to work . In the evenings or on the weekends , we 've been able to walk or take a bus to most places we 've wanted to go . We 've used the car a couple times to do groceries , to go places that are somewhat inconvenient to take a bus to , and for just driving around . While I enjoy driving around from time - to - time , it 's nice to not have to deal with traffic and to not have to worry about gas prices . Since we 've been here , we 've purchased a few things , such as a bath mat , shower caddy , camera , and a few other things . However , there 's still a lot of other things that we sort of want to buy sometime soon . There are some things we own that are kind of old and not very nice or , in the case of our desk , are falling apart . Shopping for stuff can be sort of fun , but I don 't especially like acquiring things for several reasons , but basically I just don 't like getting stuff that I 'll eventually have to get rid of , and buying stuff usually isn 't worth the money and natural resources that it takes . Plus it just takes so much time to make big purchases ; if I 'm going to buy a desk , I don 't want to just buy one , I want to find the best one that 's going to be the best one to use , look the best , last the longest , and be the cheapest , and finding the right desk takes time . Right now , here 's the list of things that we kind of want to buy in the next few weeks : desk - The desk we have is falling apart . It holds everything okay , but we want to get something that will last longer . TV stand - Lesley 's TV stand holds the TV okay , but it doesn 't hold any of our electronics , game systems , or movies very well . I guess it works okay for now , but it would be nice to have an actual place for our stereo receiver rather than just putting it on the floor . clock - Lesley has an old blue clock that works fine and I have a nice Dallas Cowboys clock that 's even better ( at least by my standards ) , but we kind of want to get a new clock that looks nicer and that we can keep for several years . We spent a bunch of time looking for a clock online but haven 't really found anything that we like much . bathroom clock - Lesley would sort of like to get a clock for the bathroom so that she knows what time it is when she 's getting ready in the morning . This is just something cheap we 'll need to find somewhere but we haven 't gotten to it yet . curtains - Since a lot of light comes in through the windows and since the place would look a lot nicer with some curtains3 Lesley started work today , unfortunately the day after daylight savings time . Since she works for a financial services company and the stock markets open at 6 : 30 pacific time , most people start their days early . Since it was going to be dark outside , I offered to walk her to work . It was a little tough for both of us waking up at 6 : 15 ( which felt like 5 : 15 ) and it was still dark outside . It was lightly raining the whole way there and it was still dark when we got there . Still , it wasn 't too uncomfortable and it took about 15 minutes to get there . Then , I had to walk back and the rain was slightly heavier , but my beanie kept my head dry . Once the sun rises earlier and it 's not as rainy , walking to work in the morning wouldn 't be too bad at all . We were too busy during the week this week to figure out what we wanted to do this weekend , so when we woke up late Saturday morning , we didn 't know what we were going to do . We decided to start the day by reviving our old Saturday tradition of getting bagels . Whereas we used to be able to get bagels less than half of a mile from our apartment , the nearest bagel place to us now is about a mile away and up a steep hill . It 's not very easy to find parking in that area of town , either , so we decided to take the bus . It was a short walk to the bus stop , and once the bus arrived ( a few minutes late ) , we got on and purchased a day pass so that we could conveniently get to the other locations we had started to plan on . It was a fairly short ride to the bagel place , and the line wasn 't too long . We used to pick up three bagels and take them home to put cream cheese on , but since we weren 't taking them home this time , we just requested three bagels with cream cheese . We realized once we got our bagels that they were larger than the bagels we used to get and that they had a lot more cream cheese on them than what we would normally apply . After wiping off some excess cream cheese ( the first time I realized that there is such a thing as too much cheese ) , the bagels were quite tasty , and while a little different than the ones we normally got , still very good . After bagels , we headed the opposite direction on the same bus line toward newly - opened Olympic Sculpture Park . I had found out about this from a Seattle magazine that one of our neighbors was geting rid of and wanted to go as soon as we could . We found our way there without much trouble . Olympic Sculpture Park opened in January , and is basically a park / garden with a bunch of sculptures , as the name implies . It immediately reminded me of Dallas ' Nasher Sculpture Center since the 're both park - like areas with sculptures . However , unlike the Nasher , which is a secluded retreat in the middle of downtown , Olympic Sculpture park bridges the dense surrounding urbanity , the outdo1 comments - Post a Comment I 'm looking forward to getting my new driver 's license and a passport . I would have gotten them within the past two weeks , but in order to get a new driver 's license , you have to prove you 're a resident of Washington . Well , in order to do that , we need some sort of electric or water bill , neither of which we have yet . Therefore , I have to wait until we get one and then I 'll have to take time off of work to go get my license . I also wanted to get a passport , but you can 't do that without a valid driver 's license . Well , you might be able to , but you have to jump through several hoops and bring additional documents that I just don 't have . Oh well , I guess I 'll get them sometime soon . Since I start work on Monday , I figured I should try to get errands done this week . I tried to schedule a dentist appointment , but they didn 't have any availability until two weeks from now . I may be able to reschedule that for Good Friday . I also wanted to use my massage gift certificate now and I needed to get an eye exam because I 'm almost out of contacts . So , yesterday I scheduled an eye exam for today at a place 3 / 4 of a mile away . I walked there this morning and it took maybe 15 - 20 minutes to get there . It wasn 't that bad of a walk at all . There were plenty of people walking around and I felt pretty safe . I also had a chance to stop at a Wells Fargo ATM right across the street from the eye doctor to get some cash . Anyway , I got my eye exam and a prescription for contacts . They ordered them for me and will be shipped to the apartment next week sometime . It only cost me $ 46 for everything thanks to Troy 's vision insurance through his job . It 's so ridiculous that eye prescriptions only last for a year . I hate going to the eye doctor every single year just for them to tell me my eyes are the same . Hopefully within the next 5 years I can have Lasik so I don 't have to deal with glasses or contacts again any time soon . I have a holiday after only 10 days of working . They get Good Friday off at my new job . The next one is Memorial Day . It 'll be nice getting a day off so soon . I may go to the dentist that day since I haven 't gone in like a year . At our old apartment , we had the cheapest DSL available and it worked fine . That 's what we thought we would do here , too . However , Qwest 's cheapest internet ( 256k ) is slower than what we had before , and after living with it for a couple weeks , we 've realized that it 's way too slow . So , we 've upgraded to 1 . 5 Mbps , which is already a great improvement . For Valentine 's Day , Troy gave me a gift certificate for a massage at a place called Massage Envy . Since we were pretty busy packing and getting ready for our move , I didn 't have a chance to use the certificate until we got here . There are Massage Envy places all over the country , and so I went to get my massage today at Northgate Mall , which is 6 miles north of our apartment . I 'd never had a massage before , so it was sort of cool to experience it the first time . The lady did a full body massage and there was nice music playing and a heated bed to lay on . My mid and lower back were really tight and are a little sore now . Overall I can 't say I was that impressed . Maybe the lady just wasn 't that good , who knows . But it was still a nice gift . While I was out , I also stopped by Target across the street from the mall and picked up some rather boring , household items , such as Windex and toilet paper . It was cool driving up and down I - 5 and getting to see the snowcapped mountains to the east and west . I drove on a bridge across Lake Union and could also see Lake Washington to the east . I went ahead and bought a webcam online . It comes with a microphone so I will be able to use it for conference calls for work , if I choose not to use our land line . I hope to use it a couple times per month to chat with my parents . I may not use the web cam a whole lot , but I think it 'll be useful on occasion . The area we 're living in used to be kind of industrial but now there 's a lot of development . From our apartment window , we can see 12 different cranes ( click for pictures ) . From living in Dallas , I 'm used to seeing a lot of cranes , but the cranes here appear to be mostly for condos rather than for office buildings . We have DSL through Qwest and they give us the option of whether we want a land line . We weren 't sure how good our cell phone reception would be and sometimes it 's nice to have a backup so we agreed to pay the extra $ 7 / month for a land line . Since I 'm working from home , I had been forwarding my desk phone to my cell phone and we hadn 't even bothered setting up our home phone yet . But , my cell phone minutes added up quickly so I decided to connect the home phone and start forwarding my desk phone to our home phone . However , one thing I forgot about is that home phones are junk call magnets . And , since we don 't have caller ID , whenever the phone rings , I just assume it 's from work . Yesterday , though , there was a call from the newspaper and today was a call from the state troopers ' union . There are a lot of annoying things about junk calls , but not being able to ignore them is a big annoyance . I would really like to cancel our land line since our cell phones work for everything else , but we don 't have enough minutes for all of my work calls and conference calls . So , I guess I 'll just have to put up with the junk calls until we can figure out a better solution . We put my new Washington license plates on my car the other day . I 'm no longer the " Southwest High Nerd " ( the last three characters on my old plate were " SHN " ) as my parents used to say . I kept the old plates though . I don 't know what to do with them , put them out on display in the apartment I guess . I like how the new plates look . Looks like today will be another clear day . I can see the mountains to the west and the entire city pretty well . If only Troy didn 't have to work , then we could go to a park or something and take advantage of this great weather . It 's been really nice having the past 3 weeks off of work . A week of that was taken up by our 6 - day road trip and now we 've been here a week and a half . There 's work to be done around the apartment , but I just feel like doing whatever I want with the rest of my free time before I start work again on Monday . Unfortunately , since we 're 3 hours behind New York , financial companies on the west coast normally have earlier hours than what I 'm used to . My boss wants me at work at 7 : 00am on Monday . That 's bad enough , but on top of that is Daylight Savings Time which is this coming Sunday . It will be a little hard to adjust to getting up so early , but it helps that Troy also gets up pretty early . I 'm not sure what my normal hours will be , probably 7 to 4 or 7 to 3 : 30 depending on how long a lunch I take . One nice thing about my job is that it will have a great view . I 'll be on the 28th floor of a big building right in downtown . It has a view of the bay and the rest of the city , which will be really nice . I 'll be getting paid again , so that 's always nice . But I 'm not looking forward to giving up my free time again . We have a pretty nice video camera and a pretty nice still camera and we 've been using those to take pictures . However , both of them are pretty bulky to carry with us , so I ordered a small point and shoot camera online and it should arrive in a week or so . We should be able to take the camera with us every time we go out and it will make it a lot easier for us to snap pictures around town . So far we haven 't been able to share much from our neighborhood and the city , so I 'm looking forward to that changing . In choosing a camera , I wanted to limit myself to only buying cameras that can use xD memory because I still have quite a bit left over from my last point and shoot camera and didn 't want have to repurchase all my memory . I found a pretty highly - reviewed Fujifilm camera , the Fujifilm FinePix F20 , that was available for fairly cheap online . When we arrived at our new apartment , I wasn 't sure how we would arrange all our furniture . We had a ton of bedroom furniture and I knew that all the pieces wouldn 't fit in the space we have for the bed . Thankfully we found enough room to fit everything and nothing is really in the way too much . We still have a few messes to deal with and we still have to put pictures and stuff on the walls , but we made a lot of progress the past 5 days . We posted pictures of our apartment with furniture arranged here . Today we walked to a Kinko 's ( which is close to the Seattle Center ) to print a few things and while we were out , we stopped by Key Arena . We bought tickets to see the Sonics play the Sacramento Kings on March 30th . The Sonics are probably moving to Oklahoma City after this year , so this is one of the last chances we 'll get to see them play . I don 't care much about basketball , but it 'll be fun to see another arena and another team play besides the Mavericks . While we were there , we also got tickets to opening night for the Mariners . Oddly enough , the opening series is against the Rangers . We 're going to see the first night game of the season on April 1 . It would have been nice to go opening day , but I have to work until at least 4 every day , so I wouldn 't be able to make it in time for the start of the game . I 'm really excited about getting to go to a Sonics game and a Mariners game . We 'll probably go to at least a couple more baseball games this summer . Last weekend was our first full weekend in Seattle . We had just gotten our stuff delivered Friday afternoon and had a mess of over 50 boxes . We started unpacking and I worked on cleaning up the bathroom while Troy worked on the kitchen and living room . Everything fits pretty well in the bathroom . We have so many towels though that we had to use some of our chest of drawers space for extra towels . We ordered pizza from a place called Mad Pizza which is a block away from our apartment . It was sort of expensive , but it tasted pretty good . We continued cleaning the rest of the night . We woke up Saturday morning with a ton of empty boxes laying around that we had emptied the previous day . At one point , we couldn 't even get out of our apartment because boxes were blocking the front door . The wardrobe boxes took up the most space , so thankfully we stored them in the back of the closet and got them out of the way . After cleaning a little bit , we walked around downtown looking for lunch . We ate at Kells Irish Restaurant and I had a sandwich and Troy had corned beef and cabbage . Mine had really really spicy Dijon mustard on it and I didn 't like it at all , but Troy liked his corned beef . It was located in Pike Place market and we could see the water from where we sat though , which was pretty cool . After that we walked around Pike Place market for a while and saw the flying fish and all the neat stores and fruit stands there . Then we walked to Bed Bath & Beyond to pick up a few things for the apartment . It started raining / sleeting / hailing while we were in the store , but it stopped by the time we were done shopping . We walked to a nearby grocery store to get milk and butter so we could make dinner that night , which turned out to be salmon , pasta roni , and green beans . We didn 't want to go to Safeway to get a ton of groceries on a Saturday afternoon because we were afraid it would be really busy . We watched our Netflix movie , Fight Club , while eating dinner . Sunday morning we went to First United Methodist church of Seattle which 3 When we visited the pacific Northwest in January for Lesley 's 8 job interviews , we also visited 10 apartments in Seattle . In the case that Lesley was offered a job , we wanted to make sure that we could also arrange for a place to live without making an additional trip or move into a hotel for a couple weeks until we could find a place to live . Unfortunately , none of the apartments were overly impressive . We knew we 'd be paying a lot more than we did in Texas , but even $ 900 / month would only get us a place 70 years old with no dishwasher , garbage disposal , or washer and dryer , and old fixtures and cabinets . Of course , all of that stuff mattered more to Lesley than it did to me , I was most interested in living conveniently to everything , but I also wanted a view from the window and hoped that we wouldn 't have to spend most of our income on an apartment every month . It was hard to find something that had everything we wanted - you usually get what you pay for . By our last day , we had found a place that seemed like a good choice - pretty good location , reasonably priced compared to other options , and the apartment itself was pretty nice - we both expected that we would live there . But , we had some time left on our last day and figured we 'd look around some more in case we found something even better . We found another place to look at , which was even newer , and it happened to be a LEED - certified building , which basically just means that the building was designed to be more environmentally - friendly and use fewer resources . And , there would be a unit with a view available . Lesley loved the fact that the apartments were so nice and new , with built - in washer & dryer , nice cabinets & fixtures , new appliances , and tall windows . It definitely was the nicest place we looked at and the pricing was in line with some of the other top choices . After seeing this place , Lesley didn 't even want to consider anywhere else , and I was excited enough about the view that I wasn 't too upset about it being in a more deserted neighborhood and6 Traveling over 2 , 600 miles on our road trip up here , I expected to find a lot more differences along the way . I expected people to act differently from Texans , for the gas stations and stores along the road to be more different from what I was used to , and for the billboards to be more different . While we definitely traveled over a wide variety of landscapes and through a good number of towns , the thing that struck me wasn 't how different everything was , but how similar it all was . Even now that we 're in Seattle , while the people dress a little differently , they 're still friendly and don 't act much different than what I 'm used to . Things may have been different 60 years ago before the media and national companies softened the cultural and linguistic differences between all the cities from coast to coast , but it 's kind of crazy to me that we passed through several different states and over several thousand miles , but it 's all so similar , and it 's all America . Occasionally on our road trip up here , I 'd pause from reading my book and look out the window . Almost every time I just couldn 't believe we were moving and were already so far from home . Even now , when I think about , it 's still pretty crazy to me to think that I 'm all the way in Seattle , in a totally different city , and that I live here now . I 'll get used to it eventually , but it 's pretty crazy that we 've moved so far away . We finally got our kitchen situated for now . As we were putting stuff away , I realized how good it was that everything was packed so well . I want to take this chance to say thanks to Mom and Dad for helping us pack . All the silverware was nice and neat when we got it out of the box to put away and it was nice that everything was so well organized . Our knives were packed really well too . Thanks also for helping us clean the kitchen before we left , that saved us a lot of time ! Our place is still a mess , but we 're making progress . . . slowly . I 've never been more excited than I was last night about getting to sleep in a bed . Sleeping on the floor was okay , but having a bed is so much better . And , having comfortable chairs to sit in during the day is great also . We had some camping chairs that were better than the floor , but I 've never before realized how great cushioned seats are . All the rest of our stuff showed up , too , the only exception being a green broom we had , which seemed to be kind of an afterthought for the movers when we moved out , so I figured we wouldn 't see it again . And , not only do we have our stuff , so far nothing seems to have been damaged , except for our rickety desk , which we 'll probably replace soon . I kind of expected our glasses would be broken , but they weren 't , and while we still have a few boxes in the closet to open up , it 's good that all of our relatively important stuff seems to be just as as good as it was in Texas . Right now our apartment is a pretty big mess , but we 've already made a lot of progress since yesterday . We still need to figure out where to put everything in the kitchen , but otherwise it 's just a matter of putting things where they go and finding space for our collapsed moving boxes .
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Welcome to Blessed with a boy . My name is Jackie and I will be writing about various things that come to mind . I am married to my high school sweetheart , Michael . We have one son named Blake who finally graduated college . We have 1 dog her name is Cali . If you have any questions feel free to comment or email me at jackiesuehall1971 @ gmail dot com . Michael and I are able to leave at two and meet at the house . Get dad setup until Shannon can get there . Get the car loaded up and start heading to my baby boy . I can 't wait to see him . With us leaving work early we will be able to take Blake out to dinner tonight . I can 't wait to see him . Saturday we get up and head to Arkansas to watch Blake play baseball . I hope we are able to visit with him at some point on Saturday . Not sure what we will be doing that evening . It all depend on what time the games get over . Sunday we head to Ada , Oklahoma for more baseball . I 'm not sure how much time we will get to spend with him on Sunday . I 'm sure I will at least get a hug and kiss goodbye . I have written one post for Saturday . I 'm not sure if I will have anything for Sunday . I all depends on our schedule . Hopefully I will have something up on Monday about what went on this weekend . I 'm sure I will have quite a few pictures . It really depends on how late we get back home . I love phrases . Little sayings that will encourage me to continue on even when I don 't think I can . The phrase I received today was GAP - God Always Provides . Others I have received are FROG - Forever Rely on God and PUSH - Pray Until Something Happens . I keep these phrases on little post - it notes on my monitor at work as little reminders . I have to admit I am very blesses . I have a wonderful husband and son . My job and the people I work with couldn 't be better . I have worked at my current job for over 6 years and still really enjoy it . My husband is also employed and my son is going to college . Yes , money is tight but we have food in our mouths , our bills get paid and we have a roof over out heads . What do I truly have to be sad about ? After all the things to be truly happy I still have to take Lexipro . I 've tried to get off of it and boy do I get mean . I don 't even like myself when I 'm off of it . When I do take it I feel like myself again . I 've been told that it 's like taking blood pressure medication . That I just have a chemical imbalance . You would be surprised at the number of people that actually take medication . Most are just to embarrassed to admit it . To me it 's just a fact of life . I didn 't start taking medication until after my grandpa Yoho passed away . I don 't always have to take it . So I will try again later to get off of them . Hopefully it will work next time . Because it sure is expensive . The reason I put these phrases on my computer monitor is to help remind me that things are good . I just have to trust in God to get me through . I try to focus on the positive stuff even if there is negativity around . But it 's not easy trying to be a glass have full kind of person . All of us have days when we are down . Some for good reason like losing a loved one . Other days you might not know why you are down . My husband and I watch quite a few TV shows . We normally record the show and watch it later . There are two reasons we record a show . One is we don 't always have time to watch a show right when it comes on or so we can fast forward through all of the commercials . It has gotten us spoiled . When we are watching regular TV and a show goes to commercial we start looking for the remote in order to fast forward the commercials . Here is a list of the shows we watch and the day 's we watch them . Thursday night - Community , Big Bang Theory , The Office , Secret Circle and Whitney . Again , the last two are new shows . We will see if they pan out . Sunday night - Dexter and Killing , What is your favorite TV program ? My favorite show is Big Bang Theory I love the quirky humor and awkwardness that they all have had . I think Sheldon is the glue to the show . Without him I don 't know if it would be as good as it is now . Have you ever just driven down a road just to see where it will go ? I have and I love it . I normally feel very comforatable doing this because I have navigation on my cell phone . If I get worried or can 't figure out how to get home I just grab my phone . Plug in my home address and sit back and follow the directions . On my way home I was taking a back road and missed my turn because I was day dreaming . I didn 't think much of it because I love the adventure of taking a new road . I turned up the radio and just enjoyed the ride . I figured I 'd be able to make a left turn at some point and wind my way back to where I was heading . This time however the road kept going without the option of a left turn . I got a bit nervous . I thought I 'll just grab my cell phone . But today , I accidently left my cell phone at the office . I figured oh well , I 'm in a good part of town and this is actually a really nice ride home . I found ballparks I didn 't even know about . Along with some businesses I had no idea where there . The good news is I finally found the left turn I was looking for and ended up finding a really cool way to get home . If there is ever an accident on the main road I drive on I now know a new way to get home . It took about 15 minutes longer but there was no traffic which is a luxcurie in the Fort Worth area . There have been times where I have found a new faster way home . But many times its just tends to be way out of the way . The cool thing about doing this is finding something you didn 't know was in your area or if it ends up being a beautiful day like today was you can just enjoy your little unexpected adventure When I got up I went to Blake 's room and we hung out and talked for a while . Michael came in and we started watching Youtube videos . I needed to make my dad something to eat so I went to the kitchen to start cooking and Blake requested eggs and grilled cheese sandwiches . He no sooner finished and he wanted more eggs . It was nice to cook for him again . I enjoy cooking when I know what someone wants to eat and I know they are going to eat it . Blake went to the Texas Ranger ball game and then met us to see Bowling for Soup . Michael and I went early and got to see Johnny Cooper . We had a great time at the concert . We wrapped the night up with going to Whataburger . It was great spending time with my guys like old times . Sunday , the boys woke up and went to work on Blake batting . When they got back we went to the movies . We went to see Moneyball . Great movie . If you love baseball as much as our family does then you will enjoy this movie . When we got home Blake had to finish packing so he could get on the road . That was the hardest part . I hate seeing him go . But , as Michael said we only have 5 more days and we will get to see him again . What is it about Ellen Degeneres that is so appealing ? What is it that makes you want to get to know her ? Is it her gorgeous blues eyes ? Her short blonde hair ? Her quick witted mind ? The huge smile that is perpetually there ? In my opinion , Ellen is outgoing and so full of charisma that she just draws people in like a moth to a flame . Ellen makes you relax and let your guard down . She makes you want to sit and stay spell . Like an old friend of the family or a favorite aunt , cousin or sister . Ellen 's show is one of the few I would like to go see in person . It looks like it would be a ball with all of that dancing and crazy games she plays with her audience . You just know you will be laughing the entire time . It would be even better if my family and I could catch one of her comedy tours . I am not really a person that looks up to people in general because people will always let you down . We are all human and flawed . However , if there is one person I admire it is Ellen Degeneras for the compassion she has for life , people and animals . It is people like Elle that make me want to be a better person . I read a really fun and upbeat blog called Big Mama . Melanie is the creator of this site and shares her life . When you have time you should really check Melanie 's site out . She is quite funny . Melanie has a friend AJ who visited Zambia and fell in love with the children . Since AJ 's visit years ago she has developed a passion for helping the children from Zambia . AJ started creating a photo book with the hope of all of the proceeds going straight to support the children of Zambia . The dream has now became a reality . My Aunt and Uncle had a fish fry in honor of Jason with the fish Jason had caught . Before his death he had told his parents he wanted to have a family fish fry . Since we were doing the fish fry in honor of Jason I thought I would write something to capture his act of heroics at the time of his passing . I wanted to do something for my Uncle Chuck , Aunt Jeannie and his brother Josh . Jason was a roofer and had worked his way up to management . He was on the top of a roof of a business that had been in a fire doing a bid . He got close to a skylight and it gave and he fell 40 feet hitting his head on an air conditioning unit on his way down . It breaks my heart that Josh was in the accident and watched my brother die and then three months later his best friend Robbie was murdered . They never did find the killer . To top it off he lost his brother Jason a few short years later . Not to mention our grandpa a few months before that . Grandpa passed January 28th and was buried on my birthday February 2nd . Jason died May 21st . The two " poems " I posted were written a long time ago . I know neither of them are very good and most likely not technically considered poems . They were just somethings I had to get out of my heart and put on paper . I 've posted them because I wanted to preserve them and to remember the people I wrote them for . Ronnie died on May 2 , 1998 . He drank and drove and paid a high price for that decision . Ronnie had one of our cousins Josh in his truck as well as our cousins best friend Robbie at the time of the accident . Both of them were fine considering what they had just been through . Our cousin had road rash on his back . I had gone to San Antonio for a girls weekend with some ladies from work . I get a call around 6 AM . It was my husband saying my brother had been in a car accident and had died . Just thinking of that call I could hyperventilate . By that October I was so stressed out after my brothers passing that my back went out and I was not able to walk for the first time . It took about 3 weeks of medication and physical therapy for me to be able to get back to work . If I felt like that can you imagine what my parents went through ? My mom . Oh my goodness . I thought she would literally die of a broken heart . Mom has reunited with my brother . My dad is still struggling with the loss of his only son . With as sick as he has been all of his life he thinks it should have been him before either Ronnie or mom . He just can 't figure out why God hasn 't taken him yet . It has taken years to get over the loss of my brother . There are still days when it 's hard . Other days I get so mad at him for being selfish . Ronnie not only left behind a set of parents who loved him , 2 sisters and a host of relatives he left behind a son that was 3 years old as well as a stepson that was 16 . I did not write the " poem " until after my cousin Jason passed . I wrote the Lone Star Cowboy and then I just started writing When Love Ones Pass . Sobbing the whole time . It was very cathartic . Again , I know they are not the best thing that has ever been written but , it sure helped me during a tough time . We drove the two hours to Durant Oklahoma to watch Blake play baseball . When we get there we see both teams on the field warming up . We drive around to see if we can find Blake . When we do I want to get out and hug my baby so bad but I couldn 't . It was so hard to be that close but unable to talk or hug him . The first game started and he wasn 't playing . So I was rude and read the book I had brought . I didn 't think that game would ever end . The next group finally get on the field . After four innings it starts pouring down rain and the game is called . We got to see Blake for less than five minutes after the game . We gave him the sweats he asked his dad to bring and some cash . The best part is I finally got my hug and kiss . It was wonderful . I 've missed my son . We will be going up the first weekend in October so I have that to look forward to . My sister is coming to stay with my dad . One night , my sister Shannon was in our bedroom talking on the phone with a guy named Michael . I was bored so I was doing various Carol Burnett impressions and other things to make my sister laugh . I decided to do this thing Shannon always cracked up at . Now , before I tell you , let me clarify that I was 15 and a freshman in high school . Young and immature . So , I laid back and gulped as much air as I possibly could sat up and let out a long burp . Shannon was cracking up . Michael had heard me over the phone . I was so embarrassed . Much to my surprise , the next day he asked me out . I had actually met Michael once or twice but one time was particularly memorable . I was out on my first car date . We had gone to a dance hall . Michael came talk to the guy I was out with . As he came up he knocked over a chair in the process . As he was fumbling around to pick it up he said " I 'm usually pretty cool but , I 'm even cooler now because I 'm drunk ! " . We all had a good laugh . Heck we still get a laugh when I bring it up . Michael came to pick me up for our first date on March 1 , 1986 . I had just turned 15 and he was 17 . My sister Shannon actually went out with him once after she had broke up with a long time boyfriend . They were just friends so they decided to just keep it that way . When we agreed to go out I honestly thought it was just for that night . We were living in Belton at the time . My family would be moving to Copperas Cove at the end of the school year We went out to eat at a nice Mexican restaurant . After we ate he took me bowling and then we went to the movies and finally out to the lake . I had never been out the lake on a date before . He went for a kiss and when he wrapped his arms around me I clamped my arms down making sure he wouldn 't make a move . Michael still teases me about doing that . Unfortunately I had to be home by midnight . Neither of us were morning people but for some reason both of us woke up early the next morning . He called me and asked me to hang out and of course I said yes . That was the beginning of us . We are going to see Blake play baseball on Sunday . The CASC will be playing Southeastern Oklahoma State in Durant , Oklahoma at 12 : 30 PM . I believe it 's only a couple of hurs from our home . we will leave in the morning after I get dad fed and make sure he has everything he needs . Blake has been so busy . He gets up and has to be ready to either condition or in the gym working with weights by 6 : 30 every morning . He goes to class and then he is in a batting group everyday . They are traveling for games as well . Not sure when he has down time . I can 't wait to see him . Not sure if we will get to visit with him or not . But at least he will know we are there cheering him on . What is it about little kids that make a person melt into puddles ? Especially if that child is apart of your family . Below is a picture of my great nephew Brody . He has us all wrapped around his little finger . Brody is daddy made over . Who is his daddy made over . Blonde hair and blue eyes and full of life . That is my sister Shannon giving Brody kisses . The guy with the cap on in the back ground is Shannons husband Darren . That is Brody 's grandpa . Can you see the resembeliance ? At the fourth of July party Brody was afraid at first to go into the water . My aunt Linda and her husband Dan had this increadable cabana and pool area built so we could have family get togethers . It is increadable . Brody playing in the baby section of the pool . He found those goggels and had to wear them the entire time we were at the party . I went to my God daughters volleyball game last night determined to take some great photos . Well if not great at least try to improve from the blurry mess the week before . Thanks to froknowsphoto . com I was able to improve from the previous week . Don 't get me wrong I still have a ton to learn but I feel I 'm finally moving in the right direction . One of the tips I learned was to set your SLR on auto . Take a picture and see what the setting are . From there you can move your camera into manual and start making adjustments with your ISO and F - stop . As I stated I already knew to push my ISO to 1600 but I have never played with the F - stop until last night . When I added the additional light it was remarkable the difference in quality . I learned how to change the settings for the F - stop on my camera from a tutorial on froknowsphot . com . I think another thing that helped with the blur issue is I was further away is the picture on the bottom . There is so much movement in volleyball I think the auto focus didn 't know what to focus on . That and my settings were wrong . As I have stated I have a long way to go but I am having fun working on learning more about my camera . I don 't know Fro at all but , he helped me and if you are interested in photography his website might be able to help you out as well . The lessons are in video format so he is showing you as he goes . He shoots everything in raw . I have not started learning how to photo shop pictures yet so I am not ready to go raw yet . I love taking pictures . I always have . When I was in 8th grade I asked for a camera and my parents bought me a Polaroid . I was out of film in no time . When I turned 16 they bought me a used Pentax with 2 lenses , a flash and a tripod for $ 50 from a friend . I was in heaven especially since I was in journalism . My sophomore year I wrote articles and sold ads and helped get the paper setup at the printers . It was really cool learning how a paper is really created . It is amazing all the work that goes into getting a paper to go to print . Even our small school paper the Blue Beacon took quite a few of us many hours of hard work . The summer of my sophomore year , my teacher took the kids in our journalism class to the University of Texas so we could sharpen our skills in whatever area we were interested in . By then I really wanted to be in the photography department . Since I had my own camera and has proven to her I could take decent shots she gave me a change to go to the photography portion of workshop . In the photography course I learned how to roll my own film into canisters . How to put the film on the reels and develop the film . Basically I learned the ins and outs of photography . We had assignments and had to take pictures of 6 different categories that would be in competition with everyone in the course . Not just kids from my school but everyone that was attending the photography course . I didn 't think I had a shot to win anything so I just did my best . On the day of the award ceremony our teacher allowed me and a couple of other students to cover the taks test protest at the capital . If I had been wearing a dress or a skirt I would have been allowed to stay in the capital and take pictures while they had their meeting . I had no idea I would be going someplace so nice so I didn 't have the proper attire . After the shoot I got back and found out I had won 3 of the six awards . I was floored . Don 't get me wrong I still had a lot to learn but I was on the right track . The reason I 'm telling you all of this is because I want to let you know I do have a little background in photography but it 's been years since I was in journalism . My Pentax froze up and I went on to the point and shoot film camera and then finally the point and shoot digital camera . Taking sports shots with a one of those has been a challenge . You have to anticipate the shot just before it happens and click the shutter then . Surprisingly I 've gotten lucky and we have come out with some awesome shots . Even with those cameras I could crank out 200 pictures in a couple of hours . When I got my Nikon D3000 it was an impulse buy . We had actually gone to Best Buy to get Blake something because I had gotten and unexpected bonus . My husband saw the display and it was on sale and said I could get a camera instead . Instead of just buying the camera right then I should have researched to find out what the best camera would be . I had wanted a better camera for so long I jumped at the chance to have one . What I didn 't know at the time was the D3000 was a starter camera and is limited . But , that is ok . I am still having a ball with it . I love that I can take multiple shots in seconds . This helps when Blake is swinging the bat or when he is running to catch a ball . I 've been a little frustrated because I can 't figure out how to get my shots from being blurry when I take pictures of my God daughter Olivia playing volleyball . So of course I went to Mr . Google . I found a really cool site on Monday called froknowsphoto . com . He is doing a project where he is using a D3000 and showing you don 't have to have the best equipment as much as you have to trust in yourself and just play with the settings . So I 'm going to take a tip from him and take it off of auto and go manual . I had already figured out how to push the camera to 1600 for the ISO but the F - stop is what I need to work on next . I think that the lack of light in the gym is what is killing me on the shots . So I 'm really looking forward to getting out in the field and testing some of the suggestions he made . The really cool thing is he has things for beginner to advanced . I will keep you posted and let you know if I learn anything interesting . If feel lost . As a mom you have been caring for your child since they are in the womb . Nurturing and caring for your child 's every possible need . Once they are born their very life is dependent upon what you do for them . As they grow older your role shifts and changes but your ultimate responsibility is to keep them safe and happy and guide them in the right direction . Once they start going to school things change and they are a little more independent . They hit junior high they start pulling away . It hurts but you understand . Once Blake hit high school he was back to himself . I think he was finding his way in Jr . high . We have always been a very close family . From the time Blake started sports we were at every practice and every game he had . Blake has played baseball , basketball , soccer and football . He has been in gymnastics and participated in track . There hasn 't been much down time since he has been 5 . But we didn 't mind and he has loved it . I 've asked him if he regretted being so busy with sports and he told me that if he could play more he would . My point is nearly every weekend has be busy . He was is select baseball from the time he was 9 years old and before that it was all stars . Those were some hot summers but were a ton of fun ! After Blake 's sophomore year in high school he decided he didn 't want to play football anymore . We supported his decision . I mistakenly thought woohoo I will have the fall to relax . WRONG ! He picked up fall baseball . Blake graduated in 2010 and I was really worried I would fall apart but then my dad moved in and I was busy with him because when he got to our house he was very sick . He ended up in the hospital before Thanksgiving and was in there for about a week . When I got him back home he went down hill twice and I had to drive him to the emergency room 3 hours away where his Dr . 's are . He was admitted and eventually went to the nursing home for December and part of January . When we got him home he was doing great . He has had a couple spells but nothing like what we went through last year . I know what to look for now . With Blake 's first college being so close we got to see him every weekend even if it was him just dropping off his clothes and picking them up . Or we would go see his game or go take him out to eat . So it wasn 't like he was gone really . This year Blake has moved to Poteau , OK and is going to Carl Albert State College . The baseball coaches really wanted him and he was very excited about going . We were torn . We were supper excited for him . How could we not be . After being red shirted last year he couldn 't wait to get on the Field and play ball . I did fine until the Saturday . I would cry but only when no one was looking . Sunday as Blake and I were driving up there I cried but , I tried not to let Blake see it . Monday was fine Michael came up that evening and we were all together again . Tuesday . Oh , Tuesday . I cried after I got up and got ready and he held me and let me cry it out . I cleaned up again . We got him moved in . Took care of some stuff and when we left I just held on to him in the parking lot . Not wanting to let go but knowing I couldn 't hold on forever . I let him go and didn 't stop crying for hours . I would fall asleep and wake up crying . I know that is probably over the top but , he is the only child we have . We have lost so many family members it scares me to let go and just let him be the almost 20 year old he is . I do . But I don 't like it . During the week I 'm fine . I work over 40 hours a week . I take care of dad in the morning before work and tend to him in the evenings . It 's really not much . He eats and drinks and have have to empty his potty but over all it 's not hard . He sleeps quite a bit . So I still have a lot of time on my hands . I have had trouble finding something to make me want to get up and do anything really . That is one of the reasons I have started this blog . I 'm lost trying to find my way as my own person . I 've started taking pictures again . Although I prefer to take actions shots . I think it 's because of all of the years I have been taking pictures of Blake in all of the different sports . It 's so exciting when you get a great shot . Last year I got a Nikon D3000 . I know it 's just a starter camera but , I haven 't been into photography since I was in Journalism in high school . Now I 'm on the hunt to figure out how to take volleyball pictures of my God daughter without all the stinking blurry shots . If you have any suggestions please leave them in the comments . Along with my dad 's dog buddy we have our own dog Maverick . You would think Maverick would be the name of a boy dog but no , ours is a girl . Blake was 8 years old when we got Maverick from my sister and her family . We got her one day before she turned 6 weeks old . We allowed Blake to name her . It was a choice between Cobra or Maverick . I think he made the right choice . Maverick is a cross between a Shiatsu and a Collie . When her hair is short she looks like a puppy . She is actually 10 years old . She will be 11 in February . I remember the night we got Maverick . We picked her up at my sisters then went and spent the night with Michael 's brothers place . We stopped on the way and picked up food and the rest of the items you need to c are for a puppy . We even picked up a laundry basket so she could sleep in it and not make a mess on the new carpet . I don 't know if she even weighed 5 pounds . She was so was tiny . Anyway we all get settled in . Blake slept in the living room with the puppy and I will be darn it that little thing didn 't crawl out of that basket . The only thing we could figure out is she must have used the cut out squares as stairs . And OF COURSE she left a mess for us . I felt so bad . I did get it all cleaned up . We all adore our baby girl . As a matter of fact she comes to me when I caller her baby girl . This is the third dog we have gotten for Blake or at least they were supposed to be Blake 's . Somehow they all ended up being my babies . I tried very hard not to have the same effect on Maverick but , I think she is the worst mama 's girl so far . The boys can be calling her to come to them and she will come to me . They don 't care for this a bit . She is a Maverick . She tends to do what she wants when she wants to . We wouldn 't have it any other way . Maverick has been supper clingy to me since Blake has gone . She is normally lovey but it has gone way overboard lately . Maybe she sinces me being sad and missing Blake and she is just comforting me . She does do that . She always knows when I 'm upset either mad or sad . She will crawl up into my lap and comfort me . This is why she is our baby girl . She takes care of us even when we don 't realise she is doing it . I hope you have an animal in your life that can love and comfort you when you need it . Saturday was my best friends Amy 's birthday . Amy and her family invited Michael and I to have dinner with them then go back to their house to visit for a bit . It was a nice quite low key evening . We laughed until our faces hurt . You know it 's a good evening when that happens . Amy and I met back in May of 1991 . Amy was sitting out front of the apartment complex we lived in with her oldest daughter Katie that was 10 months old at the time . Katie turned 21 in July . I was 20 and Amy was 21 at the time . We found out as we were talking that we were both pregnant . She with her middle daughter Jessica and I with my only child Blake . Four years after Jessie and Blake were born Amy had her youngest daughter Olivia . She is my God daughter . From the day Olivia was born I have called her Lou Lou . I have no idea why . I adore all three girl . They are like my nieces but I will always have a special place in my heart for Olivia . When you have been friends with someone for twenty years you go through quite a bit of life experiences together . Through good times like having a child and sad times like losing a loved ones . Amy would be the one I would call . I don 't know what I would have done without her . Amy , I hope you are blessed as much as you have blessed me over the last 20 years . You deserve nothing but the best . Know I will always be here for you and would give my last breath for you . I love you my best friend and my sister . Today I would like to introduce you to my dad and his dog Buddy . They both came to live with us on July 4th , 2010 . They were supposed to be just coming up to stay until my dads new apartment was ready that was closer to my sister and his Dr . 's in Temple . Once he was here we quickly realised that he really shouldn 't be on his own anymore . Dad has COPD and congestive heart failure . He is on oxygen 24 hours a day and has to use a nebulizer every 4 hours along with quit a bit of other medication in order to breath . He was a smoker from his youth . The crazy thing is he says he would smoke a 4 ft cigarette if he was able to . But honestly I think he regrets not listening to the Dr . 's years ago . Dad wasn 't doing very well when this picture was taken . His congestive heart failure was really giving him fits . Fortunately we were able to get him into his Dr . quickly and we upped one of his meds and he is looking better today . As you can see he has a ball with those crazy guns . I have been sitting in the living room with him watching TV and he has snuck one of those out and shot at me scaring me to death . He just laughs . The brat ! As you can see dad doesn 't want anyone messing with his things so his area tends to be a mess . But as long as he is happy and can find what he is looking for it 's OK with me . This mama is loving Skype . I love that I can still see Blake even if he is hours away from me . I saw that he was on facebook tagging himself in some baseball pictures I had missed so I took a shot and called him . Michael , my husband was in the room so we all had a great conversation . For some reason my video camera wasn 't connecting but his was and that was good enough . That boy is the light of our lives ! This is the young man that stole our hearts almost 20 years ago . If I new we would have another one just like him I think I might be tempted to go through all of this again . I feel bad that I wasn 't ever able to give him a brother or a sister . Especially after my mom passed away and I leaned so much on my sister . Maybe he will marry in to a big family who knows . Here are a few pictures of Blake . It wouldn 't allow me to load anymore than the four photos above . I 'm hoping the blog getter better as I learn what I 'm doing . Hope you enjoy these . Blake has started another " freshman " year of college at Carl Albert State College ( CASC ) in Poteau , Oklahoma . The baseball coaches really wanted him up there because they needed an outfielder and a lefty at the plate . Blake fit the bill perfectly . I have not watched Blake get that excited in a while . Blake was red shirted last year at Texas Wesleyan so it gives him an additional year of playing time . The only problem with Blake going to Carl Albert State College ( CASC ) is that it is over 4 hours away from us . Blake and I drove up to Poteau on August 14th the Sunday before school started to get checked in and take care of a few things on Monday morning like books . Michael came up Monday night . Tuesday morning we finished getting school things taken care of and got Blake settled in his dorm and met his new roommate Dillon . Dillon seems like a great kid . It sure was hard to leave . I don 't recall the last time I cried as hard as I did when I left my baby boy in Oklahoma . It just about ripped my heart out . The Vikings had their first fall baseball game this past Sunday September 4th , 2011 . Michael and I didn 't leave to go up the CASC until almost 3 PM Saturday evening . ( We had to make sure my dad was fed and had plenty of snack and drinks until my friend Amy could come check on him a couple of times on Sunday . ) When we finally got to town Blake met us at the hotel . It was so great to hug him . I didn 't want to let go . He was in the middle of doing wash so before we got to take him out to dinner we ended up at the laundry mat for about an hour . I didn 't matter what we were doing as long as we were all together . After we finished the laundry we went to Western Sizzlin . We hadn 't eaten at one of those in ages . After we ate we went back to the hotel and Blake was leaving for the dorm before 11 PM . We were fine with that . He had a couple of games the next day after all . We tried to sleep in because Blake 's game wasn 't until 1pm and check out was at 11pm . We got ready and went to lunch and got set up for his game . I have some great shots . I will try to get them up loaded . The team we played didn 't do well at all . Come to find out it was prospect / select club . It wasn 't even another college team . It explained why the kids on the opposing team weren 't fielding worth a darn . It took a while for anyone to get a hit because the pitching was slow . I know Blake walked once . Had a line drive to I think it was left center . He hit a grounder back to the pitcher . I think there was another one but I don 't recall . He made contact but didn 't get a hit sadly . Blake had a couple of great catches out in right field . I only have pictures for one of the catches . No tears this time on the way home . To be honest I was a little surprised . Blake seems so happy that I can 't be upset anymore . I can only hope and pray he stays happy always . Everyone should be as blessed as we are to have a son as great as Blake . I love you son . Good luck on the season . I know God has great things in store for you .
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Summary : When the offer to transfer to Washington after the spy thing comes through , Colby decides , not completely un - influenced by a certain other person , to take it , hoping it will be a good way to put everything that happened in LA behind him . Washington , though , doesn 't prove to be all that easy , even without the shadow of his time as a spy hanging over him , and the freedom he 's finally got to be himself isn 't turning out quite like he always imagined it would . Plus , he 's mostly failing to leave LA behind , between Megan 's friendship and Amita 's and Charlie 's math smarts . It 's only a matter of time before something gives Colby took a breath that hurt , pushed away the phantom sense of David sitting there . " Okay . " He wanted to have something sarcastic to say , something that would make Mr . Eppes smile like he was amused instead of like he was worried , but everything ached . " You 've just missed Megan , " Mr . Eppes said . " She said she 'd be back this evening . " Colby nodded . His room didn 't have any windows to the outside , and he had no idea what time of day it was . " Did she - " He had to stop to breathe , not even sure if it was the drugs or the effects of the CPR he 'd received on the boat that made it difficult . " Is there any news on Dwayne ? " Dwayne had shot Lancer , Colby remembered that , hazy through the drug cocktail , sirens and gunfire outside , but he remembered watching Lancer fall over , the crack of a pistol that could only have been Dwayne . " He died ? " he asked , frowning . The words sounded familiar , like maybe this wasn 't the first time he 'd asked . " One of that man 's henchmen shot him , " Mr . Eppes said , frowning as well . It took Colby a long moment to realize that it was anger on his face , even though he couldn 't tell who Mr . Eppes was angry with . He hoped it wasn 't him . " Yes , Colby , he 's dead , " Mr . Eppes said . He squeezed Colby 's hand , which Colby had forgotten he was holding , then reached up and smoothed his hand over Colby 's forehead . " Go back to sleep . " " Colby , " Megan said , sharp and commanding , and he snapped the rest of the way to awake . Hospital room . Blankets tucked tight around him . An IV , not a needle . Megan 's hand was tight on his shoulder , and when he turned his head in her direction , she smiled , warm and reassuring . " Hey . " Megan left her hand on his shoulder for a long moment , then let go and perched on the edge of his bed , her hip against his . " Except for the reports . All the usual , plus extra for the CIA . " She smiled again , but this one was more troubled . " They 're pretty grateful to us for getting you back . " Lancer must have done it , or one of his guys . Mr . Eppes had told him that - or , no , not that they 'd killed Kirkland . " And Dwayne . " " And Dwayne , " Megan repeated . She wasn 't smiling at all , just looking at him with dark , sad eyes . " Okay , " Colby said . " Is everyone okay ? " " One of the back - up guys took a bullet to the arm , but he 's fine . No - one else was hit . " Megan touched the back of his hand , so light he could hardly feel it . " The doctors say you 're doing well . You 'll be out of here in a couple of days . " The bank would still be paying his rent , the bills on his apartment . He 'd set it up like that when he got to LA , partly military habit , partly Kirkland 's advice . At least that part of his life would still be there to step back into . He didn 't want to ask if anyone had called his mom , told her that actually he wasn 't a spy , that he was out of jail and in hospital . He didn 't want Megan to say that they had , not when he still remembered opening his mom 's letter , sitting on his bunk in a prison cell and reading , How could you do this ? Your father would have been so ashamed . " It 's the drugs , " Megan said . She smiled , not very well . " You can get away with it while you 've got an IV . " Colby smiled back . Thank God for Megan , sitting at his bedside the first few times he woke up , before Lancer 's drugs wore off . Being the only one who hadn 't yelled , back at the FBI , hadn 't hurled accusations like she 'd never trusted him . " Is David here ? " he asked . Don called , apologized for not visiting . " The ADIC 's trying to bury me in paperwork , " he said , and Colby could hear the smile in his voice , strained but there . He closed his eyes , remembered Don nodding at him and David when they 'd climbed down from the bridge , pleased with them . " Yeah , " Colby agreed . He didn 't have to ask about Dwayne any more when he woke up , knew that he was dead . He was pretty sure that meant he was getting better . " Okay , good , " Don said . " Keep it up . My dad 's going to visit again this evening , I 'll try to come with him . " He thought , at first , that that was all it was , when he blinked slowly awake in the middle of the night to David watching him . Just some fragment of memory , part of a dream . Except that David was too far away for it to be a memory , silhouetted by the electric lights over the nurses ' desk , trapped by glass - He saw the exact moment David realized he was awake , ducking his head to avoid Colby catching his eye . Colby wasn 't awake enough to be happy about it - wasn 't awake enough to feel anything about it - but when David looked up again , it was like the opposite of the drug , something warm and familiar under his skin . " Come in , " he said , too quiet for David to hear through the glass . It wouldn 't matter ; David had watched him say those words enough to recognize them . Colby twisted up , trying to catch sight of him again , the movement tugging at his still - bruised ribs . Bruised from David 's hands , according to Megan , doing CPR until the medics had arrived to shock his heart back into beating . The next breath he tried to take caught in his throat , came out damp . Everything blurred , and he was shaking , like he was cold , like that damn drug was still in his system . He 'd have given anything , right then , for someone to walk in , for the phone to ring . " Okay , " he said quietly . There wasn 't a note , but he suspected Megan 's hand - she was the only person other than David with a key , for starters . Or , more likely , Megan 's hand to the cleaning service he 'd used ; he couldn 't see when she 'd have had time to come in and do this , and the idea of her cleaning his apartment for him made him weirdly uncomfortable , only partly because there were things he didn 't want his friends seeing . " Hello , dear , it 's your mother . I know you 're busy , but a call to wish me happy birthday - " Colby hit delete . She had to have left that the day he was arrested , and she had a point , he hadn 't remembered that her birthday was coming up . Two hang - ups , one date - stamped the same day , one a couple of days later , then a tele - marketer , wanting to sell him a new cell phone . Thomas , the ex - marine who lived on the floor above him and who he sometimes went running with , wanting to know if he was still living there . Another hang - up . Colby hit delete on all of them , wondering what his cell phone voicemail would be like . It was probably still in evidence ; he doubted he 'd get it back . He was probably lucky the CIA had swept in before Don and the others could go through his apartment as well . The next message was silent , other than the faint sound of someone breathing , and Colby was reaching out to hit delete when the other person spoke : " Why did you do it ? " It was David , Colby realized , frozen , and he sounded drunk . " I don 't believe you did it for the money , you 're not like that . You weren 't lying about the money in Afghanistan , I know you . I thought I knew you . " There was a long pause . " I think you did it for Carter , " David said , and Colby hit the delete button , his hands shaking , not wanting to know what else David had to say , what else he thought he 'd figured out about Colby . He 'd thought - that first time , when Dwayne was holding a gun on him , when he 'd known that the rest of the team was going to show up in time - that maybe Dwayne would be safe in prison . Not an ideal solution , but Dwayne had been his friend for a long time before he 'd decided to spy for the Chinese , and as much as he 'd hated what Dwayne was doing , it hadn 't been enough to make up for how he felt like he owed Dwayne for dragging him out of that Humvee . Lot of good it had done either of them , in the end . Nothing from his mom , but maybe they hadn 't told her . Maybe they thought he had , and talk about conversations he wasn 't ready to have yet . Maybe he could just send her an email . There was a message from someone in the Director 's office , calling on his behalf to tell Colby that he was being awarded the FBI Medal of Meritorious Conduct for " your bravery and dedication to the core principles of the FBI , " which he figured mostly meant " for getting arrested then killed so we could say we apprehended a spy who we already had in custody at that point and several men who we didn 't realize we should have been looking for in LA . " At least it meant he was still an FBI agent . That had to be a start , even if no - one had anything to say on where he was assigned to . The doctor at the hospital had signed him back on for the next day , and he didn 't have any better options than getting up and going into the office . He figured someone would tell him if he wasn 't supposed to be there , although it wasn 't particularly reassuring to turn up and find that , not only had they cleaned out his desk , they didn 't actually seem to be expecting him . Colby was channel - surfing , trying to ignore the envelope with his offer of choosing whatever reassignment he wanted , lined up next to the second letter that was a bit more specific , when the intercom buzzed . It was instinct to reach for his gun , sitting on the coffee table , so much so that he didn 't even realize he 'd done it until he was pressing the answer button and found it in his hand . At least he 'd left the safety on . " It 's me . " Even over the poor connection , Colby didn 't have any trouble recognizing David 's voice . He couldn 't read the tone , but that didn 't seem to do anything for the sudden rush of hope . " You want a beer ? " Colby asked anyway . It wasn 't like he couldn 't pretend - he 'd done it for two years , though apparently not quite as well as he 'd thought at the time . " No , I … " David took a couple of steps into the room and stopped . His hands hovered awkwardly at his sides for a moment , then he stuck them into his pockets , didn 't take off his jacket like he usually would . " You want to sit down ? " Colby offered , taking the armchair so he wouldn 't have to watch David do it , one more sign that he didn 't want to be around Colby . " What 's up ? " " I think it might be easier for everyone if you weren 't on the same team any more , " David said , not entirely like he was correcting Colby . " Okay , " Colby said . He wished he 'd made coffee or something , had something to do with his hands . " I don 't think any of the other teams are looking for another agent . " " We could trade , " David said . " A traitor for a stranger ? " Colby asked , more bitter than he 'd meant it to be . So much for , ' I get that you couldn 't tell me , I respect it . ' We . Colby swallowed down the urge to ask if this was a team thing , knowing that it wasn 't , that Megan would never say that , or Don . He 'd thought David never would either - had imagined up this conversation , sometimes , staring at the ceiling in his prison cell , waiting , waiting , imagined being able to say , " I 'm sorry , I couldn 't tell you , but I was trying to do a good thing . I 'm not a traitor , I didn 't betray you , " and having David forgive him . He 'd never imagined this conversation , and in retrospect , he thought that 'd been incredibly short - sighted . " I 'm not going to ask to be transferred to a different team unless Don asks , " he said . " I get that . " David was closer , suddenly , than he 'd been since before Colby got taken away , and it felt too close . " I get that you were undercover and you couldn 't tell any of us . I just don 't get why you let me think I could trust you , that you were my friend . " David sighed , ran a hand over his face , and when he looked up again , he looked more hurt than angry . " What else were you lying about ? " He held up a hand before Colby could do more than take a breath to answer . " Was it just some trick to get me to trust you ? " " You know it 's not , " David had said , making Colby regret that one time he 'd acknowledged that some of his old army friends had been a little more . " I can 't , " Colby had said , feeling it like a weight in his stomach - the lie , how much he wanted to say something else . " I don 't want to lose you . " " No , " he said , too shocked to say anything else for a moment . " No , I - David , I wouldn 't do that to you . Come on . " A part of Colby couldn 't help imagining it , how David must have felt when he 'd been arrested , all the time he must have spent trying to figure out what Colby had been lying about . A bigger part of him was just hurt . " Everything but the spy stuff , " he said , too loud . " I can 't believe you think … " " You did , " Colby said , before he could think about it . " You heard my name on that tape , and you didn 't even ask me if it was true . You and Don , you assumed I was guilty , that I was just going to leave Megan to be shot . " He stopped , before the crack he could feel in his throat came out in his voice . " I don 't know what to tell you , " Colby said , trying to sound patient and not nervous . It wasn 't like they could have changed their minds about him and not bothered to mention it . " Hmm , " the guard said again . " Why don 't you take a seat , let me make some calls . " Colby obliged , leaning back in the leather seat and digging out his cell phone . No new messages , just Megan 's from last night : Good luck . Call me . He suspected that call was going to start with a lecture about leaving without telling anyone . At the desk , the guard made a frustrated noise and started dialing again . " You 'll probably turn out to be an admin error , " he said when he caught Colby watching him . " You 're probably supposed to be in California . " The guard looked at him for a moment , then said , " Who 's that ? It 's Matt ; Delgado there ? " There was a pause , then he said , " You sure you guys still work up there ? . . . Yeah , yeah . Tell her - ? Thanks . " " Anything ? " Colby asked , wandering back over to the desk again . This wasn 't turning into the most promising start . " She 's around , but not in the office . Stay there , I 'll - " He cut himself off as the internal door swung open , and a blond woman strode through , followed by an Eastern looking woman and a younger , similar looking man . " Delgado , " the guard said , bringing the blond to a skidding halt at his desk . Up close , she was maybe ten years older than Colby , taller , her hair pulled back in a neat plait . " This is - " " Don 't call me that , unless you want me to start calling you sergeant . " She stuck her hand out . " Special Agent Delgado , call me Maggie . Got your badge ? Gun ? " Colby nodded . " Great . " She smiled , more anticipatory than friendly , but still mostly welcoming . " Let 's go , we 'll brief you in the car . " " James Suresh , on loan from the UK Met , " Maggie said , gesturing to the man as she flipped open her cell . " Sabirah Farad , not on loan from anywhere , Colby Granger , late of LA . Yeah , hi , this is Special Agent Delgado - " " Hi , " Sabirah said , turning in the seat next to him and smiling . She reminded him of Megan a little , despite looking nothing like her - shorter , a little less perfectly in shape , her dark hair pulled back from her face in a bundle of curls . " Here , " she added , handing over a file . Colby flipped it open to a mug shot of a Pakistani man with a drooping mustache , and started skimming . " We just got a tip he 's holed up in an apartment downtown , " Sabirah said . James spun the car a little too sharply round a corner , and Colby barely kept hold of the papers . " Maybe get us there in one piece ? " " Yeah , maybe , " James said . He grinned at Colby in the rearview mirror . " Don 't worry , I 'm not a native Londoner . " " Wait a minute , he got let go ? " Colby asked , sticking on the words and forgetting that he 'd just met these people . Sabirah groaned . " Please , don 't get anyone started on the misdiagnosed medical problems thing . It 's like something out of a bad comedy routine . " Reading the account of Prakash being arrested for holding up a convenience store then shooting the clerk and two other customers , then escaping custody while using the bathroom , being chased across the country , re - arrested , let go after being diagnosed with multiple personality disorder that was later concluded to have been a misdiagnosis , Colby sort of agreed with her . " But the armed and dangerous part is true ? " " Though it 's possible he 's converted to Buddhism and is following a path of peace and love , " James said . He was grinning again , like the prospect of facing off with a possibly - armed , possibly - dangerous guy first thing on Monday morning was making him happy . Colby could see himself getting along with this guy . Maggie just shook her head , like this was a long running , familiar argument . " Colby , stick with Sabirah . Get round back of the building , but don 't go in . SWAT 's on their way . " " My grateful thanks , " Maggie said dryly , as the car coasted to a stop at the side of the road . " Radio check . Remind me when we get back to the office . " " Sure , " Colby said , biting down the urge to call her ma ' am again , and followed Sabirah out onto the quiet street of up - market looking apartment blocks . Certainly more up - market than the one he was living in , courtesy of the FBI 's relocation team . " Twenty says we get a concerned resident calling the office if there 's shooting , " James said , locking the car and checking his gun . " No bet , " Sabirah said . " Come on , there 's an alley between this block and the next one . " Tucked up against the back wall of the building , weapons in hands , Sabirah with a radio receiver in her ear , Colby couldn 't decide if he felt at home or out of place . It didn 't help that he kept glancing behind himself , looking for a familiar face . " So , " Sabirah said , looking out at the garden , the line of washing flapping in the light breeze . " What 's LA like ? " Sabirah shrugged . " I grew up in Pennsylvania , my family lives in Pennsylvania , I went to Columbia , then I trained at Quantico and came here . I like the east coast . " " LA 's warmer , " Colby said , not sure if he was arguing or just answering her first question . She laughed . " They tell me . But we have the President . Congress . Senate . " They got three guys , bulked up in coveralls and vests , all of them towering over Sabirah . One of them tapped her on the shoulder . " Vest ? " " Stay right there , " Colby said , hoping he didn 't sound out of breath . Prakash 's gun started to come up , and Colby shifted . " Don 't do it . Put the gun down . " " Here , " someone said , tapping his shoulder . He looked up to see Canavan holding out a pair of cuffs that probably weren 't his , his gun still pointed at Prakash in his other hand . Sabirah was standing just a little back and to the right of him , both hands holding her gun steady on Prakash . " I guess , " Colby agreed . He could feel an awkward silence coming , the space Megan would leave for him to talk about the people he was working with , their names and their histories and what they were like to work with , or the office , how Maggie , as team leader , had an actual office and even used it , how the three of them sat at a little nest of desks , surrounded by filing cabinets so they couldn 't really see the rest of the office . " So , " she said , the too casual voice she used when she was pushing a little . " You want to tell me about them ? " And there was the awkward silence , right on cue . " I - " he said , and didn 't know what to say next . He thought about last time , Dwayne and his mom and Kirkland asking . He didn 't think he 'd told all of the truth to any of them . " I don 't know yet , " he said . " Yeah , " Colby said , and there was another pause , the one where she should ask about his mom , but wouldn 't . He 'd sent her an email when he got to Washington , with his new number , but she hadn 't called , just sent a stilted email saying she was glad he was safe . He figured it was a good enough start , even if it did hurt to know that their relationship was yet another victim of what had happened . " You don 't have to stay there , " Megan pointed out . " Anyway , it 'll look better when you finish unpacking . " " Right , " Colby agreed . He wanted to ask , but he couldn 't , any more than he could talk about Maggie and Sabirah and James . Part of him wondered if it would just be easier if they pretended they 'd never worked together , though he couldn 't see Megan going for it . " I should probably go . " James was already in the office when Colby arrived for his fourth day . He waited for Colby to hang up his coat , which he 'd already figured wasn 't going to cut it in Washington winter , then held out a dark blue ' FBI Washington ' mug . " Thanks , " Colby said , taking it gratefully - he hadn 't figured out yet where to stop for coffee on his way in - then giving James a confused look when it turned out to be empty . " I 'm pretty sure I could have found one in the break room , " Colby said , not sure what James was getting at , not for the first time . Everyone in Washington turned up in suits every day - Colby figured it was because their chances of talking to a politician were a lot higher than in LA - but James managed to look smarter in his than the rest of them , even after a day tracking all over town talking to witnesses , like Tuesday , or chasing down suspects , like Wednesday . Plus , there was something about his slightly clipped British accent that made Colby feel like James was laughing at him on the inside for being an army grunt from Idaho , even though neither of those things mattered much any more . " Right , " Colby said . They 'd packed up his desk and all the personal stuff on it when he 'd been arrested , and he couldn 't exactly call up Don and ask him to get it back . It was enough to make him glad he hadn 't ever taken in any pictures he wanted to keep . " So , mug , " James added . " Put some pens in it or something . Look like you 're staying . You 're making Maggie nervous with the whole ' I 'm just squatting here ' thing . " " Squatting , " Colby echoed , eyeing the piles of files that seemed to multiply every time he took his eyes off it . " Don 't ask me , " James said , watching Colby until he dropped a couple of pens , a pencil that needed sharpening , and a purple highlighter into the mug . So much for coffee . " She likes it when people put down roots . " James made a little hmm ' ing noise . " The army , for a while . " There had to be more , and he sounded like he probably knew it , but Colby couldn 't push without finding out how much they knew about his past . They probably knew about the spy thing - he figured most people in the FBI had probably heard about it - but that didn 't mean he wanted to know for sure , yet . " Like you , " James added . " Yeah , " Colby agreed . For a second , he heard the flames of the Humvee crackling towards him , before he shook it off . Dwayne had sold state secrets to the Chinese , and now Dwayne was dead . " Like me . " " Gee , hold the enthusiasm there , " Maggie said , rolling her eyes , but she was smiling , and four straight fourteen hour days were more than enough to feel like part of the team , mostly , so Colby smiled back . " Good work , " she said again , patting Sabirah 's shoulder . " Go home , all of you . Reports on Monday . " " Monday ? " Sabirah said , one hand on her heart in fake shock . " Did I just hear you giving us not just the evening , but the whole weekend off ? " " You 're the best , " Sabirah said brightly , bouncing to her feet and reaching for her coat . " Anyone else leaving ? Please tell me you 're not going to stay here all evening . " James stood up as well , reaching for his jacket . " My sister 's just getting off - shift , I could actually speak to her . She 's started leaving threatening voicemails . " " Man , that 's never good , " Colby said , reaching for his own jacket . " You 're telling me , " James said . " Though at least she hasn 't set my nephews on me yet . " Sabirah waved over her shoulder , then caught the collar of Colby 's coat and pulled it into place . " Much better , " she said , smiling . " What are you going to do with your unexpected free time ? " " Um , " Colby said , caught off guard . They hadn 't gotten out much before nine all week , and he 'd pretty much gone home , eaten a bowl of cereal standing over the kitchen sink , and crashed . James turned slightly , obviously waiting for Colby to answer , and ' finish unpacking ' died in the back of his throat . Sabirah laughed , a note of awkwardness in it that Colby wouldn 't have expected to be able to recognize . " I bet Washington seems really dull after all the Hollywood glamour . " " Wise man , " James said , holding the door for the three of them and nodding to Matt on the security desk . " Well , enjoy it , whatever you end up doing . See you Monday . " " Get a grip , " he told himself sternly . That was done . David didn 't want anything more to do with him , and the sooner he got that through his head , the better . Sabirah had spent most of their time driving around the city playing armed tour guide for Colby - Washington Monument , metro police , that 's where we had a three - day hostage situation last year , there 's a great diner down there , the White House . 17th Street , mostly gay bars . She hadn 't even blinked as she 'd said it , and Colby had said , " Okay , " like he did to most of her commentary . They 'd had a few cases around the gay neighborhoods in LA , but he hadn 't paid that much attention . There hadn 't been any point when there was no way he could risk it , not when he wasn 't really out at work , not when he was still close to Dwayne in a way that would seem weird . None of that mattered any more , and he hadn 't had sex in too long to really want to think about . He went into his bedroom , opened the closet . Mostly suits , work clothes . A couple of pairs of jeans , some more casual clothes . What did people even wear to try to pick someone up ? For an absurd moment , he thought about calling Megan . She probably wouldn 't even bat an eyelash at him saying he needed advice on what to wear to a gay bar - Megan was pretty hard to shock , and he didn 't think that would even be a surprise , not really . He just couldn 't imagine getting the actual words out . He picked out his better pair of jeans , then changed his mind and swapped them for the pair with a rip over the knee . White t - shirt ? That seemed easy , inoffensive . Except it was too cold to go out without another couple of layers , and he was pretty sure people didn 't wear coats to go clubbing . Probably took a cab . Or not , in Washington , in case someone remembered them . Colby sighed , then put his clothes away again . Nothing else to be ashamed of , nothing else that was likely to end in disaster , and that included one night stands with closeted politicians . Saturday morning , he woke up at six thirty and couldn 't fall back asleep , too firmly in work routine to relax . After half an hour of frustrated tossing and turning , he got up , found his sweatpants and running shoes , and jogged down the four sets of stairs to the street . He hadn 't gone running since arriving in Washington , discounting all the running after suspects , but he 'd passed a park when he 'd taken a wrong turn coming home one evening , which looked as good a place as any , since getting down to the river would take more time than he was willing to put into it . Even moving , it was cold out in a way it had never gotten in LA , the air still and gray , still not quite proper daylight . The park was nearly empty - a couple of other runners , a handful of people walking dogs under the trees , an exhausted looking woman pushing a stroller with a sleeping baby - but the rhythm of his own footfalls , his breathing , was sort of calming . Easy to fall into , until he felt faintly disconnected from the world around him . Canavan gestured off to his left . " Lots of the agents do . Close to the office , but not too close , mostly politician - free , and actually within the range of an FBI salary . " " Right , " Colby said . Canavan rolled his eyes , still looking amused . " Are you even awake yet ? You in the middle of a heavy case or something ? " " Long week , " Colby said , nowhere close to ready to admit to weird dreams waking him up all night . " Just for a change . " Canavan turned back in the direction Colby had been heading and started walking , so Colby had to walk with him . " There 's a coffee shop near my place , I 'll buy you coffee . " " Thanks , " Colby said uncertainly . He was pretty sure he only thought it sounded like a come on because of what he 'd been thinking about the night before - Canavan flirted pretty heavily , if politely , with Sabirah . " I don 't have my wallet . " " I think I can just about run to a couple of cups of coffee , " Canavan said . " Maybe even a Danish . " He must have caught something on Colby 's face , because he added , " Good coffee , but all the wait staff are frustrated congressional staffers . You 're a better option than being asked for my opinion on the latest floor fight at seven thirty on a Saturday morning . " " Thanks , " he said when they were leaving . The streets still weren 't exactly busy , but there were more people about , mostly families with small children who probably didn 't have much choice about being up at that time on the weekend . Canavan shrugged . " You looked like you 'd run under a bus as soon as you hit the street , and then Sabirah would have been upset . " Canavan shrugged - he seemed to do that a lot . " Habit , now . We barbecue in the summer . Sometimes people bring food . Lots of the agents come - James and Sabirah usually show up . " His voice softened , just a little , when he said Sabirah 's name , and Colby wondered , again . They were easy in each other 's space , casual touches and leaning into each other , but Colby didn 't know either of them well enough to read if it was sex or just good friendship . " Maggie sometimes . Good way to meet some people . " " I need to change , " Colby said , looking down at his ragged jeans - definitely not suitable for either work or clubbing . " You get the Metro , right ? " Maggie said . She sounded like she was walking , but Colby couldn 't hear any street noise . " I 'll get James to swing by and pick you up . You can head straight to the scene . Ten minutes ? " " Drama class , " James corrected . " Dad was supposed to pick her up after , he says he left a message on the mother 's cell that he couldn 't make it , she says she never got it . Local police pulled in the teachers , bunch of other parents for us to talk to . " " Divorced two years ago , mother has custody . " James swerved sharply to avoid a cyclist and swore . " We 're having trouble getting access to the father . " " Do we think that ? " Colby asked . " Good a theory as any other , " James said , and slammed on the brakes outside a two storey brick building with ' Jade 's Drama and Dance School ' on a sign by the door . " Tip line calls ? " Sabirah asked . Maggie nodded , pushing her hair back from her face . " It hasn 't even been up and running for twenty - four hours . We haven 't got a hope of keeping on top of these . " " Maybe , " Maggie said . She sounded tired ; Colby grabbed four mugs and made for the coffee machine opposite their cluster of desks . " But we 've only really got another hour to be knocking on doors and asking questions tonight . Waking people up won 't be worth the grief for the quality of answers . " " Thanks , " Maggie said , accepting the mug of coffee Colby handed over . " We 're not going to find her this way . It 's like looking for a needle in a haystack . The two of you get anything useful ? " Sabirah shook her head . " Parents ' friends , her friends , pre - school teachers . They all say she 's perfect , they can 't think of anyone in the family 's life who 'd do something like this . They all think it was a random snatch . " Maggie shook her head , like Sabirah had been making a serious suggestion . " Not with all those parents around . It had to be someone she knew well enough not to make a fuss , someone who knew her well enough to notice she didn 't have a parent there . " " Not necessarily someone she knew , " James said , drifting over from his phone call and standing next to Colby to stare at the board . " She 's a senator 's cute kid , you 're telling me she hasn 't been trotted out in front of a hundred strangers ? She 's probably used to it . " Actually , it 's more like looking for a needle in a stack of needles . " I might know someone who could help with that , " Colby said . Everyone turned to look at him . " I mean , I don 't know , but he 's good with puzzles . Seeing patterns we can 't see . " Colby definitely wasn 't ready to answer that one . " This isn 't actually a social call , " he said . " I was hoping to talk to Charlie , get his help with a case . " Well , that explained why Amita was answering the phone at least . Colby hesitated . Except Maggie was right , they did need all the help they could get , and if Don 's case was at the ' dashing out in the middle of dinner ' stage , Charlie would probably be caught up in it for a while . And Amita was brilliant , maybe even more so than Charlie in some things . " Listen , Amita , maybe you could help ? " he tried , then , when Amita didn 't say anything , " We 're trying to narrow down a whole lot of possible sightings from the tip line . I know it 's probably more Charlie 's thing than yours , but … " " Can I take a look at it for you ? " Amita suggested , already slipping into her academic voice . " I helped him design a program for something similar , I can find it and run your case through it , at least . Can you get me all the sightings , locations and times , and … " When he got off the phone , with a promise to email everything through to Charlie 's secure account - apparently not that secure , since Amita had the password - Sabirah was the only one left , leaning on the edge of his desk and looking at him a little oddly . " What ? " Colby asked . " Yeah , well , " Colby said , and realized he had no idea what to say after that . Sabirah took pity on him after a long moment , waving a handful of printed sheets . " Come on , Maggie wants us to grab a few more interviews before the end of the day . " Amita came through the next morning , sounding like she 'd been working all night . Since Colby 'd had five hours of restless sleep , he sympathized pretty hard . " I grouped the sightings according to most likely , " Amita explained , and if Colby closed his eyes , he could see her , stood in front of the screen in the conference room , her face earnest as she explained . " It 's only an initial analysis , so it 's not perfect , but you sounded like it was urgent . " " Don 't say that yet , " Amita said . " Megan came by while I was working on this , she recognized one of the addresses . I think she was going to call , except they got caught up in their case , " The little girl started crying when they burst into the room she was being held in , and pretty much just kept on crying until her mom took her home . Not that Colby blamed her - the case made him feel like crying as well . Even more so when Megan called him , asked Did you get her back ? and Did you get her in time ? and he had to say no to the second one , listen to Megan 's sharp in - drawn breath and the way her voice trembled a bit when she said , " I 'm sorry . " " Everyone does , " Colby said , instead of something about her time at the DoJ , like he wanted to . They didn 't talk about that . Didn 't talk about a lot of things , but they still talked . That had to matter , like how Amita had dropped everything to help him , how Megan had been the one that helped them crack the case , even from the other side of the country . Sabirah gave her a tired look , James murmured something in Arabic over his paperwork , and Colby just nodded . Weirdly , for the first time since arriving there , he felt like he was really part of the team . Like this was going to work . Part Three " Christ , you haven 't caught them yet ? " Canavan asked when his team pulled up next to where Colby was waiting for them at the end of the road down to the factory they thought was next . " Yeah , but we figured we 'd drag you out here just for the pleasure of your company , " Colby said . He checked his radio again , couldn 't help it - the rest of his team were in place in and around the factory , blending in . Assuming the robbers stuck to their usual timetable , they were probably close already , or at least close enough for the staging area to be pretty open in an empty parking lot . Canavan laughed , clapping Colby on the shoulder . " Fine specimens of manliness that we are , who wouldn 't want to see us ? " He steered Colby over to where the team were assembling . " What 's the plan ? " Colby outlined it for the team - wait for Maggie to signal that the robbers were in the factory , then close up enough to grab them making their getaway , but not so close that they retreated into the factory and took hostages . Canavan nodded along . " Sounds good . You 're staying here ? " Colby nodded . " Police , fire and ambulance stop , just in case . " In case the plan didn 't work out and they ended up with a hostage situation anyway - he had the beginnings of a command point already going , which didn 't say anything positive about the plan . Canavan eyed his team . " Radio check - Granger 's going to listen in . " He waited for their nods , then started directing people into position . In their full callout gear , they 'd be hard to miss if the robbers weren 't in the area yet , which meant Colby focusing on the road , hoping not to see a white van go past . Not that it was exactly a challenge - the street was even more run - down than some of the others the robbers had hit , and their end of it was practically deserted , most of the other buildings boarded up . His ear piece activated before he could think about it any more , Maggie 's voice saying , " They just went in . No sign of weapons yet . Stand by . " " They 're in , " he called over to Canavan , who acknowledged it with a brief hand wave and started moving his team down the road towards the factory , just visible before the road started to turn . " SWAT 's on their way , " he told Maggie and the other agents , knowing he 'd only get her acknowledgement . Sabirah was posted inside , and James was around the back with a couple of other agents . Everything fell silent , and Colby squinted , trying to make out what was happening . All he could see was the dark line of SWAT agents formed up at the side of the street , and he gave a moment 's thanks that no - one was around , apparently having taken the hint from the armed agents and found somewhere else to be . He cut her transmission off , toggling over to Canavan 's team . " Move in now . " They didn 't even bother with an acknowledgement , just started moving . For a moment , there was nothing . Colby forced himself to stop moving towards the road . When he looked down , he found he had his gun in his hand , didn 't even remember drawing it . More silence . Maggie 'd ordered him off the channels unless anything happened that the teams up front needed to know , but that didn 't stop his hand going up to his radio , wanting to ask . No - one had come out of the factory , but no - one had called for medical help either . " Clear out back , " James said . Colby pushed that aside to worry about later . They were getting close enough that he could hear the SWAT guys shouting for the runner to stop , then more clearly as Colby moved up to meet them , the runner between them . Someone fired , missed . The runner looked back over his shoulder , half - raising the gun in his hand like he was planning to return fire . " Stop , " Colby yelled . The runner turned back to him , came to a skidding halt like he 'd realized he was stuck . " Put your weapon down . " " It 's not like it looks , " the runner shouted back . Behind him , the three SWAT agents lined up , taking aim . Colby kept his own gun on the guy as he moved in . " You can explain it all back at the FBI offices . Just put your weapon down . " " Yeah , uh . " He looked down at the gun in his hand , then back up . He was young , Colby realized , barely more than a teenager , but his face showed more confusion than fear . " Get down on the ground , " Colby said , keeping his voice steady . On the still open radio channel , he could hear the faint buzz of Maggie talking to someone with her . " Put the weapon down . " He missed , Colby thought , in the absence of any shouts of pain , he missed , and then it didn 't matter , because the kid was falling backwards , away from the SWAT line , the back of his shirt exploding in blood , exit wound . Colby spared a glance for the line of SWAT agents , checking no - one was going to follow it up and hit him , then bent over the kid , feeling for a pulse as he swept the gun aside . Waste of time - he was obviously dead . " Don 't bother , " the SWAT agent said . He reached down and pulled Colby bodily to his feet , not looking at him . " They 're both dead . " " Canavan was shot , " Colby said , feeling numb . " Don 't send Sabirah . He was shot in the head . He 's dead , " and maybe they were just friends , maybe they just flirted to pass the time , but Sabirah liked Canavan , and she didn 't need to see him with his head blown open and his eyes glassy . " Oh , Christ , " Maggie said , low and shaken . There was a pause , and when she spoke again , her voice was back to normal . " Get EMT on their way . I 'll send James round to you and put in a call to SWAT command . Get a perimeter up , I don 't want anyone else in the middle of this . " Colby meant to go straight home when they finally wrapped up for the night , wash off the shock and the grief and Sabirah 's tears from when she 'd started shivering in the elevator and then crying when he 'd touched her arm to ask if she was all right . Except that , when the Metro pulled into a station a couple of stops before his , he found himself staring at a poster for a bar . A gay bar , from the rainbow colored text . A woman had picked Sabirah up from outside the office . Maggie had gone to spend the night at her sister 's , and James , who lived in the same apartment building as one of the SWAT agents who 'd been at the call , had invited Colby to join them in trying to drown out the day . Colby took a table towards the back , too far from the edge to see down to the dance floor , and nursed his beer , letting the noise wash over him , push away everything he didn 't want to think about . It took twenty minutes for someone to approach him , a man who was maybe five years older , tall and in shape , dark - skinned against his black pants and shirt . When he leaned a hand on Colby 's table and Colby looked up , he got an oddly sympathetic smile that made the edges of the man 's eyes crinkle . " If you don 't mind me saying , " he said , voice raised a little over the music , words rounded by a Georgia accent , " You look like hell . " " Bad day , " Colby said . Not that the man didn 't have a point . He hadn 't bothered to change his shirt , and there was blood on the cuff of one sleeve , he didn 't know whose ; he 'd spent too much of the day being hot , stressed , sweaty or all three to look well put together ; and he suspected he looked like the other three had , like someone who was trying and failing to cover up his messed head . The man touched the back of Colby 's hand , holding his gaze . " Maybe I can make it better , " he offered . That got him a grin , actual amusement . " Rob , " the guy said , offering his hand . Colby took it , shook , the gesture feeling oddly out of place . He was pretty sure that wasn 't how things usually worked . " Colby . " He saw a brief flash of corridor under fluorescent lighting , more doors , then Rob caught his wrist , pulled him through a door to their right . The room was barely more than a closet , poorly lit and completely empty . It reminded Colby , for a moment , of stripper booths back in LA , from a couple of cases , and he bit his lip against the laugh he could feel bubbling up , right in time with the voice in his head saying that this was a bad idea . It sounded kind of like Sabirah . " Meet with your approval ? " Rob asked , still amused , close behind him . He put one hand on Colby 's hip , and Colby turned into it , caught Rob 's arms and dragged him into a kiss . It was sort of like kissing Dwayne had been , harsh and careless . He wondered if Rob had a wife and kid somewhere , same as Dwayne had had then , and pushed the thought aside . No more thinking about Dwayne , even if the alternatives were David or Canavan . Colby shook his head without thinking about it , then realized that probably came across as pretty dismissive . " We could … " he started , but he had no idea what he wanted to do . Stop thinking . Not go home . Rob looked at him for a long moment , then said , " You could blow me . See if you figure out what you want while you 're doing it . " He was already nudging Colby down , so Colby went , glad when the floor didn 't turn out to be sticky under his knees . Thankful for small mercies , even if the thought did make him feel old and tired . " Sure , " Colby said , not totally sure he believed Rob would stick to it , but not sure how much he cared right then . He wasn 't hard , wasn 't even really turned on , but he opened his pants anyway , palmed himself a couple of times . " Nice , " Rob said , appreciatively , then got one hand back on Colby 's neck , the other angling his cock down . Colby kept one arm round Rob 's waist , holding himself up as much as anything , and wrapped the other around his own cock , stroking himself in time with Rob 's movements . It didn 't take long for Rob 's rhythm to speed up . He said , " Oh , fuck , fuck , " sounding almost drunk , and Colby tasted the first drops of come on his tongue before Rob pulled out . Some of it slicked across his bottom lip ; most of the rest of it hit his neck , the collar of his shirt , when Rob didn 't turn aside fast enough . Usually , it would have been a turn - on . Instead , it felt like one more thing clinging to his skin that he didn 't want , one more thing to have to shower off . He was glad he 'd taken his jacket off . At least that would cover it . Colby realized he still had his hand on his own cock , which was completely soft . He didn 't think he had the energy to stay standing long enough to get hard and then get off . Wasn 't sure he wanted to look up and meet Rob 's eyes either . Rob made a disbelieving sound . Colby waited , head down , for him to say something else , push it , but after a moment , he took a step back , refastened his pants . " Suit yourself . You weren 't so good that I 'm feeling a big need to reciprocate . " " I know , " Colby said , for want of anything else to say . He expected Rob to just leave . Instead , he crouched down in front of Colby , reached over to fasten Colby 's pants for him , then rested a hand on his thigh . " You okay ? " he asked , sounding honestly concerned . Colby felt his throat closing up , swallowed against it . He wasn 't going to fall apart in front of some stranger he 'd just had sex with . " Bad day , " he said again . When he got back to his apartment , the answer machine was flashing one new message . He went over to play it , then stopped , pulled out his cell . No missed calls or messages , which meant it probably wasn 't work , or at least wasn 't urgent . Unless his cell was about to ring , and he was pretty sure that just a change of shirt wasn 't going to be enough for him to be able to walk out and straight into another case . He put his cell , ID and keys next to the phone , thankful suddenly that he 'd left his weapon at the office , and went into the bedroom to strip off . He was honestly tempted to throw his shirt away , not wanting any of the reminders when he came to do laundry , but he didn 't exactly have a never - ending supply of decent office shirts . It went in the hamper with the rest of his clothes , his shoes kicked less than accidentally under the bed . The left one had blood on the toe , something he hadn 't noticed up until then . Granger , it 's Megan . Saw you on the news this evening - that green shirt doesn 't suit you . I think Larry 's got a crush on your boss . Give me a call some time . " It 's fine , " she said . He could hear movement , pictured her settling into an arm chair , even though he 'd never been to her place . " I was beginning to think you were avoiding my calls , " she added , teasing . " No , " Colby said . " We were busy with a case . A string of armed robberies and - " And Canavan , shot dead , right between the eyes . EMT had covered the body before most of the agents in the factory came out . Colby hadn 't had that luxury . " Rob , " Colby said , mostly without thinking . He heard the crackle of Megan taking a breath to answer , and when he blinked , he saw Canavan , standing in the park and inviting him for coffee the morning they 'd met while running . " He 's no - one , " he said before Megan could say anything . His voice came out scratched . " Not really , " Colby said . He closed his eyes , leaned back on the couch . His hands were shaking . " I let a guy pick me up in a bar , " he said , not sure why he was telling her that . " We - " " It 's okay , " Megan said in what Colby recognized as her traumatized victims voice . " One of the SWAT agents was shot , " he said , fast . " Mark Canavan , he - " He had to stop then , couldn 't breathe . " The one you were friendly with , " Megan said . " I 'm so sorry . " Colby nodded , even though she couldn 't see him . His throat was too tight , and his closed eyes weren 't doing anything to stop the tears . He couldn 't think of anything to say . " No , " Colby said again . He wanted to forget that had ever happened . " Okay , " Megan said again . " How about if I tell you about what 's happening up here instead ? " She didn 't wait for Colby to answer , just started in on a story about Larry that Amita had apparently passed on . Colby kept his eyes closed , not paying much attention to the details , just letting her voice wash over him , like the music in the bar , only this time it worked to calm him down , until he could breathe without feeling like every breath was going to come out in a sob . He knew that , if he interrupted her , said something about Canavan , Megan would drop her story immediately - that she was probably waiting for that , using the story to pass the time until he could talk , the same way she 'd sit and stir her tea , waiting , if they were face to face . He meant to say thank you , or something about Canavan , though he didn 't know what . What he actually said , when he 'd gotten it together enough to talk , was , " Do you think David will ever forgive me ? " " He 's … " Megan started , then trailed off into silence again . " It was bad , when we thought you were a spy . It 's hard , making that kind of shift in perception twice . " Colby closed his eyes , pictured her biting her bottom lip , feeling out how to explain . " You nearly died , and it turned out you really were one of the good guys after all so - I think we all felt guilty . " Colby 's throat tightened up again . He hated knowing that he 'd hurt them , even if he hadn 't had a choice . He 'd never expected to get as close to them , when he 'd agreed to be a double agent , as he had . " You should call him , " Megan said into the silence , her voice carefully neutral . " I don 't know what to say , " Colby admitted . It was easier than saying that he was afraid David would hang up on him , or say he was glad Colby had gone . He wasn 't ready for that , didn 't think he ever would be . " She 's sticking around to fill in , but I don 't know that she wants to be on the team long - term , " Megan said . She sounded thoughtful , like there was more to it than she was saying . " So , you know my team . Tell me a little bit about yours . What 's your lead agent called ? If I ' mgoing to compete with her for Larry 's attention , I need a bit of a head start . " Colby thought about Canavan , Sabirah 's tears and James ' invitation to drink away the day with him and the SWAT agent . " Maggie Delgado . She used to be in the army … " " Sorry I 'm late , " she said briskly . " Carry on . " She was , unusually , wearing dark jeans and a blue FBI t - shirt , instead of her usual suit and shirt , her hair falling over her shoulders . Even without the circles that had lingered under her eyes for weeks after Canavan 's funeral , she looked stressed out , though Colby couldn 't exactly ask if she was okay in the middle of the crime scene . Colby made notes on something close to auto - pilot , mentally classifying the murder against the three others in the past couple of weeks , and the five from four years ago that the FBI hadn 't been involved with , but which Metro police thought were linked . This one seemed a reasonably good candidate for being the same killer , though it was hard to tell without any particular signatures . He wished for Megan , who 'd undoubtedly have been able to say with more confidence . " Everything okay ? " Colby asked carefully . " Yeah . " She rubbed a hand over her face . " You got a spare pencil or something ? " When Colby handed over his spare pen , she scooped her hair back , then stuck the pen through it , somehow holding it all in place . " Okay , that 's better . I was expecting to have time to change , but Maggie called when I was on my way here . " She shrugged . " It 's not a secret . I volunteer on the junior special agent program , I got a call to go see one of my kids this morning , she got caught fighting . " That explained the casual clothes , and the FBI t - shirt . " That 's a good thing to be doing , " Colby said . Sabirah nodded . " I think so , anyway . It 's nice to be doing something that doesn 't involve dead bodies or bank robbers . " She looked at him , her head tilted slightly to the side . " They 're always looking for more people to volunteer , " she added . " You should come with me sometime . " Colby wasn 't sure he 'd be that good with teenagers , though he 'd done an okay job with David 's group at the community center , the one time David had asked him to cover for him . " Yeah , okay . Thanks . " Sabirah was on the phone , nodding to whatever the person on the other end was saying , but she caught Colby 's eye and gave him a more purposeful nod when he gestured to the door . He knew the moment that he walked into the front office that he should have asked who had come to see him , because where there should have been a Latino woman , there was a Black man in a suit , his back to Colby as he studied the wall display about the dog handling team . Colby glanced over at Tom on the desk , in case Officer Valdez had stepped out , and got a chin jerk at the man in response . Helpful as ever . " I remember , " David said . He wasn 't smiling , but Colby could still read amusement on his face , beneath the uncertainty , like he wasn 't sure if it was all right to joke , or maybe wasn 't sure of his welcome . He looked good , dark suit and a green shirt , coat over one arm - a real , wool coat like Colby had never seen him wear - his badge open and tucked in the pocket of his suit jacket . Nothing like he 'd looked the last time , standing in Colby 's apartment and telling him to leave . " What are you doing here ? " Colby asked , hoping he didn 't sound as stunned as he felt , wishing Megan could have given him some advance warning . He 'd wavered about calling David for days after talking to her , but in the end he hadn 't been able to pluck up the courage to do it . He definitely wasn 't ready for David to turn up at his office , looking like normal , almost , like the past few months hadn 't even happened . " The ADIC wanted someone to attend a conference on surveillance techniques , I lost the coin toss . " Colby couldn 't tell if he was telling the truth or not - if he 'd asked to come , or if Megan had maneuvered him into it . It hurt unexpectedly sharply ; he 'd been able to read David so well for so long , and now he couldn 't even read if he was lying or not . David seemed to be having the same problem , his eyes flickering over to Tom , then back to Colby . " Can we - the conference finished this morning , but my flight 's not till tomorrow . Maybe we could get together when you 're done for the day ? " She stopped when she saw him and David . " Sorry , I thought Officer Valdez was here . " She looked between the two of them , then took a step back . " But she 's not , so I 'll go back to my desk . Call if she turns up ? " Colby nodded , watching her go . When he turned back to David , he 'd obviously been doing the same thing . Colby didn 't want to contemplate what Tom was thinking of the whole thing . " Let 's go outside , " he suggested . " She 's part of your team ? " David asked when they were outside , the air exactly as cold as Colby had expected it to be . " Yeah , she 's … " Colby stopped . " What do you want ? " David opened his mouth , then closed it again , looking away to pull his coat on . " Let me buy you a drink , " he said finally . " We should talk . " It felt more awkward than the rest of the conversation had , even though they 'd said goodbye countless times without fanfare . Colby stuck his hands in his pockets , not sure what else to do with them . " Yeah . " Sabirah was at her desk when he got back upstairs , James and Maggie still out interviewing a possible witness . She frowned when she saw him , and came round to lean on the edge of his desk . " You 're shivering . " " You shouldn 't have been out in just your shirt , " she said , faintly reprimanding . " Are you all right ? You look … " She tilted her head a little . " I don 't know , actually . Like you 've had a shock . " " I 'm fine , " Colby said , even though she wasn 't that far off . She shook her head . " The man in the lobby , what did he want ? " She sounded suspicious , like she might go chasing after David and demand to know what he 'd done to Colby . The thought of it made Colby want to laugh . " We worked together in LA , " he said instead . Her eyebrows went up , and he flushed , not quite sure why he was . She smiled then , warm and affectionate , and rubbed his shoulder for a moment , her hand warm through his shirt . " I see , " she said , standing up . " Conference , " Colby corrected . He looked down at the open file on his desk and couldn 't remember why he 'd been reading it . " We were friends , " he said , not looking up at her . " We - " The words stuck in his throat for a moment , but he 'd told Megan about Rob at the bar , and if he could tell her that , he could tell Sabirah this . Wanted to tell her , just so he wouldn 't be the only one who knew . " We were a bit more than friends , " he said . Nervous , tense , he filled in silently . " It never really got started , " he said , instead of asking what kind of bad ending she was imagining . He probably didn 't want to know . " And then the spy thing , and - he didn 't want to be around me any more . " " So you left , " Sabirah finished . She touched his arm again , light and brief , and he still couldn 't look up . " Not just because of that , " Colby said . He couldn 't explain the rest to her - could barely explain it to himself , how he 'd felt like a piece that had been stuck together imperfectly and didn 't fit any more , couldn 't fit any more . How he 'd wanted to run , maybe more than he 'd wanted to stay . He 'd picked up the phone three times to call Megan during the afternoon , and put it down without dialing each time . They 'd spoken a few days ago - she 'd have known then that David was coming to town , and she hadn 't mentioned it , so there had to be a reason . Probably that she hadn 't expected David to actually get in touch , and if the evening made everything worse , Colby didn 't want her to know that . And maybe he didn 't want to hear her say that she 'd told David about Canavan - she wouldn 't have told him about the bar , he knew - and David figured Colby was vulnerable , easy to win over … He pushed the thought away , hating that he was thinking it , and thought again about calling Megan , checking that he was wrong about that . Then he thought about the way she 'd sound if he asked , and put the phone down again . He shoved his hands into his pockets , standing on the sidewalk , then took them out again , feeling stupid . It was just David , and he hadn 't been nervous to see David in - well , ever . Not even when he 'd gone back for the first time after the spy thing , when he hadn 't exactly been looking forward to it , but had at least thought he knew what was coming . He hated not being able to figure out what David wanted . Not that it was going to get any better for standing around in the cold . The lobby was typical hotel style , all beige and white , with mostly dark furniture . There were a few people moving around , a couple checking in , but David was easy to spot , facing the door on a purple armchair and flipping through a magazine too fast to be reading it . He 'd lost his suit jacket and his tie , which made him look more casual , and made Colby feel over - dressed , unbalanced . David looked up as Colby got closer , put the magazine down and stood , so that by the time Colby was close enough to speak , they were back to the same awkward place they 'd been in saying goodbye outside the FBI building , where Colby felt like they should shake hands , even though they never had . David shuffled his feet a little , gesturing over towards the restaurant . " I got a table here . The girl on the desk says the food 's good , and I figured you wouldn 't have time to eat first . " Colby hadn 't expected dinner , though David was right . " That sounds fine , " he said , appalled at how stilted he sounded but unable to do anything about it . " Right , " David said . He looked uncertain for a moment , then offered a sort of smile that didn 't make him look any better . " It 's this way . " " How was the conference ? " Colby asked , since David didn 't seem inclined to say anything . He still couldn 't remember seeing anything about it , which was a bit odd , but he figured the flyers had probably gone round not long after Canavan had been killed , when Sabirah hadn 't been the only one having problems keeping it together . " Right , " Colby said . He knew he should ask about LA , but even after Megan had said his slot on the team hadn 't been permanently filled yet , he didn 't want to hear about how fine they were without him , not from David . " Did you see much of the city ? " Colby took a large swallow of his own drink , instead of sighing like he wanted to . " It 's a better time for sight - seeing , " he offered . " Fewer tourists right now . " " Something like that , " Colby agreed . " Hmm , " David said , and forget excruciating , this was ridiculous . The thought of even an hour more made Colby want to break out the heavy liquor . Colby fought not to roll his eyes . " Come on , you don 't want to be here , not with me . You can tell Megan you did your duty and checked up on me or whatever , but it 's been a long day , I think I 'd rather go home . " " This isn 't a duty call , " David said . His hand twitched , like he 'd meant to reach for Colby but changed his mind . " Okay , yeah , Megan pretty much ordered me to come see you , but it 's not like you 're making it sound . " " How is it then ? " Colby asked , fed up with the whole conversation . Wishing David would just say that Megan had told him Colby was a mess , ordered him to try to fix Colby . " I don 't know what to say , " David said , low and intense . He caught Colby 's eye , and Colby couldn 't look away . " I was hurt , I acted like a child , and then I looked around and realized my best friend was on the other side of the country because I couldn 't just let it be for a while , I pushed him out . " My best friend . He 'd wanted that so much , sitting in his cell , waiting to get out , waiting for the next part , anything from David to say that he hadn 't just written Colby off . He still wanted it , even with Sabirah and his team . After the last few months , after everything that hadn 't been , he wanted to believe that this one thing could be that easy . David laughed , sitting back in his chair , and that was better , less intense . " I 'm sorry , " he said . " Okay , " Colby said . He took a deep breath , tried a smile that didn 't feel too much like it might crack , like he was faking it . There was something in his voice that Colby couldn 't read , but there was no way Megan would have told him about the club . She and Colby hadn 't even talked about it again . He didn 't think about what Megan might have said alongside telling David Canavan had been killed , what she might have said about how it had hit Colby . The need to hear that this was a pity visit had faded . " Thanks . " The waiter chose that moment to bring their food , breaking up the last of the weird intensity , and they talked about the weather in Washington , a little more about David 's conference . Except that Colby couldn 't concentrate , on his food or the conversation . It felt too simple , too easy , and he could still hear David 's voice in his head , accusing him of using David for unfinished sex , pretending to be in love with him , just to get closer , his own voice pointing out how fast David had believed the worst of him . He wasn 't even sure if that was included in David 's apology . Colby shook his head . " I needed you to , " he corrected . That split second in the interrogation room , when David had said , you 're not a spy , the moment between that and David calling him a traitor , when he 'd thought maybe , maybe - that David wouldn 't believe it , would call up their friendship , their partnership , and refuse to believe it . Except that David had believed it as easily as everyone else had . " You looked guilty , " David said softly . " On the stairs , you looked - . I kept playing it , over and over in my head , and you looked guilty , like you 'd known this was coming . I didn 't believe him , not till I saw you , and then it was like all these pieces making sense all of a sudden . " " We … " Colby looked down at his half - eaten food and pushed the plate away , no longer hungry . " In Afghanistan , " he said , hoping David would hear the words that went in the middle . He wasn 't sure he could do that kind of confession again , not after Megan and Sabirah . Colby nodded . " I think this was good , " he said . He 'd wanted to stay with them , where he felt comfortable and safe , but the truth was , he 'd never have been able to escape the spy thing , or even the triple agent thing , and for that , he 'd wanted to go . He didn 't have that in Washington . " I thought - " David said , then stopped , and started again . " I didn 't expect that you 'd leave LA . I can 't help thinking you left because of what I said . " " You 're okay , though ? " David asked . " Yeah , " Colby said , meeting his eye , reading the same concern he 'd seen there when everything had been happening with the shooting , or with Dwayne , and David had hovered , looking out for him . It made something inside him ease up , some of the hurt drift away . " Yeah , I 'm good . " " I 'm sorry , " he said , quietly enough that Colby had to lean in a little to hear him , not sure he 'd caught it right , since the words didn 't make any sense . " Especially for what I said at your apartment . For saying that you nearly slept with me so that I 'd trust you . " " I wasn 't pretending , " he said . Maybe it was the only thing he could say , when there wasn 't any point in trying to deny it . That , or the rest of what David had said , that Colby had been in love with him . He felt exhausted - tired of lying , tired of losing people . Just tired . David 's room was lightly furnished , not much more than a closet , desk and bed , all in varying shades of cream and brown , with a carpet in an odd shade of tan that didn 't really match the rest of the room . Standing just inside the door , watching David cross the room in the dim light from the open curtains to turn on the bedside lamp , Colby tried not to think about all the reasons he shouldn 't be there . Apparently he didn 't do a very good job , because David was frowning at him from the other side of the room . " You okay ? " Colby was pretty sure it didn 't , but he complied anyway , toeing out of his shoes at the same time . It helped that David was fiddling with the coffee maker instead of watching him , and that David had somehow gotten his shoes off without Colby noticing . He tossed his jacket and coat over the back of the desk chair , which didn 't look comfortable , and sat on the foot of the bed , for want of a better option . David started when he turned round and found Colby sitting there , almost comically surprised for a moment , before he recovered , coming over to sit next to Colby . " Take your tie off , " he said quietly , then started on it himself , his fingers warm against Colby 's throat . Colby closed his eyes , let David do it , exhaustion washing over him again until he wasn 't sure he 'd be able to do it himself if he wanted to . " I can 't get used to you wearing a suit all the time , " David added , pulling the tie loose and opening the top button of Colby 's shirt . " Everyone does here , " Colby said . He tipped his head back a little , and David got the hint , opened another button . David made an amused hmm and lifted his hands away . Colby opened his eyes , meaning to protest , just in time for watch David lift his left hand , cupping it in his so he could open the button on the cuff . It was a stupid , small thing , but it made Colby shiver . David noticed , of course , and took Colby 's right wrist , opening the button there . " You like that ? " he asked , curious . Colby gave him the best glare he could manage under the circumstances , which wasn 't much of one . Not that it mattered , since David was looking at his hand , not his face . " Come here , " he said instead . David looked up , confused , and Colby touched his face , not quite holding on . " Kiss me , " he clarified . David pulled away , then pushed himself off Colby and twisted to sit on the edge of the bed . " You get comfortable , " he said over his shoulder . " I 'm going to take my socks off before one of us does grievous bodily harm to the other . " Colby contemplated taking his own clothes off , to make life easier , but having David do it was turning out to be an unexpected turn - on . He pushed himself back into the middle of the bed instead , his head mostly on the pillow and watched David . Who 'd apparently had a similar idea , as he was pulling off his shirt and undershirt , though he left his pants on , somewhat to Colby 's disappointment . They hadn 't gotten anything close to that far , last time . " Huh , " Colby said after a while . David turned to look at him and Colby shook his head . " That 's all I 've got . " David laughed , his eyes crinkling with it , and Colby 's eyes burned , his chest tight with sudden , shocking loneliness . Stupid to miss David still , when he was right there . Except he wasn 't - the easy way David laughed said they weren 't on the same page . " If this was an old movie , one of us could offer the other one a cigarette , " David said . " Neither of us smoke , " Colby pointed out , trying . " If it was a movie , we would , " David said . He looked up at the ceiling for a moment , then back to Colby . " Glass of water ? " David smiled again , but it didn 't touch his eyes this time . " You could stay , " he offered . " Shower in the morning . Early , if you 've got to go in - my flight 's first thing . " Colby didn 't want to think about David going back to LA , about the conversation that was probably coming but could be avoided if he left . On the other hand , he didn 't really want to get up and go back into the cold either , his limbs heavy and tired . Didn 't want to try to sleep in his cold , empty bed , reaching for someone who wasn 't there . " Okay , " he said . It was weird to climb into bed with David - weird to climb into bed with anyone , something he hadn 't done in more years than he wanted to remember - and he thought at first that they 'd just lie side by side , like friends . Then David shifted , turning towards Colby and resting one hand on his arm . Colby shifted into it , until he was lying on his side , a hand against David 's hip , not quite holding him , just listening to him breathe in the dark and letting it lull him into sleep , instead of letting his brain spin with all the ways this was a bad idea . Colby looked for a note , checked his cell , even though David didn 't have the number , because they hadn 't bothered exchanging numbers , hadn 't needed to when they 'd be saying goodbye in the morning , and thought about calling the front desk to ask if there were any messages , before deciding that he didn 't need to be that pathetic . David had made his feelings perfectly clear , packing up everything and splitting while Colby had somehow slept through the whole thing , deep , empty sleep like he hardly ever managed , and it wasn 't like a part of him hadn 't known this was coming . Just not like this . He 'd woken up feeling good , even knowing he 'd have to say goodbye to David , and that just made it all worse . It didn 't help that the room door wouldn 't slam , just closed with a slow , hydraulic hiss . " Good timing , " Sabirah said dryly . " I just spent two hours over in police records pulling these , since their clerk doesn 't work weekends . You want half ? " Colby hoped he wasn 't blushing . He remembered , suddenly and vividly , David holding him down as Colby jerked them off , his teeth sharp against Colby 's skin as he came . " I didn 't think anyone could see it , " he said , since denying it was probably pointless . Sabirah shrugged . " You can 't , really . " She crossed her ankles . " So , do you want to tell me about it ? I don 't think I 've seen you date since you got here . " Colby nodded , glad she 'd just said friend . He felt tired and hung - over , even though he hadn 't had enough to drink to have a hangover . He should have stayed at home . " Maybe something came up and he had to hurry back , " Sabirah suggested . Sabirah shouted something after them about circling round the back which Colby barely heard over his own pounding feet . Nion shoved through the doorway into the stairwell and started down . Down was good . Colby drew his weapon and went down after him , grateful that Nion and Jenkins didn 't use a gun as their murder weapon of choice . He hated running into gunfire if he didn 't have to . There was no sign of him , no sound of footsteps , no sign of Sabirah . " Anthony Nion , " he yelled , feeling slightly foolish as his voice echoed back to him . " FBI , why don 't you come on out so we can talk ? " No reply . Colby couldn 't imagine that had ever worked . He toggled his radio on , let Sabirah know where he was so she could come up the other way to meet him , and started between the rows of parked cars . Nion had to be there somewhere . If he 'd run , Colby would have heard him . He heard the car engine start a moment before he saw the kick of exhaust from a blue car , only half a dozen cars from where he was , and raised his gun . " Don 't do it , Mr . Nion , " he warned . The car screamed backwards out of the space . Colby fired , aiming for the tire , and missed as the car careened round to face him . " Stop , " he yelled , pretty sure Nion couldn 't hear him over the car engine , the sound bouncing back to him from the concrete walls . Nion gunned the engine , heading straight for Colby , who fired at the windshield , the shape of his body behind it , three shots , shattering the glass . He couldn 't tell if he 'd hit Nion ; the car kept coming . He fired again , must have missed , because someone , Nion , had to be Nion , gunned the engine , and Colby threw himself out of the car 's path , intending to roll back to his feet and keep firing . Instead , he slammed straight into the rear bumper of a truck , catching his head and shoulder painfully against the towing equipment hooked up to the back . Everything blurred for a moment under the pain , and he couldn 't risk firing , not when he could hear footfalls on the concrete . A moment later , Sabirah was there , her fingers light on his head , making him hiss . " - last seen heading west , " she was saying . Putting out a BOLO with the police who had to be making their way in . " And we 're going to need an ambulance . " " Then you need to do a better job of it , " Maggie said . She looked angry , and worried under it , enough to make Colby wonder how bad he looked . Probably fairly , since he was stiff and in pain and really not in the mood to be yelled at . " What were you doing * in * the path of a moving vehicle ? " Maggie sighed . " Next time , stand to the side , okay ? I 've never lost anyone on my team , I don 't intend to start with you , no matter who you 're trying to stop from getting away . " " I never took you for a coward , David . You could have done the decent thing and woken me up . I want us to stay friends , even if that 's all we are . " Three days later , there was a padded brown envelope waiting in Colby 's in - tray when he got to the office , a type - written label stuck on it . He turned it over , looking for a return address , but there was nothing , and it was too light to take a guess at what might be inside . " You could try opening it , " James offered , looking up from his computer with a raised eyebrow . " Unless you 've developed x - ray vision . " " A woolly bugger , " Colby said , straightening it out . There was purple thread mixed in with the binding , familiar from years of tucking it into duffel bags and jacket pockets . " A what ? " James asked . Sabirah put her box down and stepped close , stroking the soft material with one finger . " A fishing lure , " Colby said . He found a spare pin on the divider between the desks , and wrapped the clear thread round it , pinning it up . " My dad made it for me years ago . " I shouldn 't have just left , you 're right . I don 't know what I 'm doing with you . I want to try though . We should talk - you 've got my number . " You okay ? " Sabirah asked , not loud enough for James to hear . Colby angled the letter so she could read it , and watched her smile . She squeezed his hand , and said , " That 's good , " softly . " You 're pleased , right ? " Colby nodded , feeling something bubble up inside . Not quite happy , not yet , but pleased . " Yeah . " I want to try . " You think Maggie would approve some time off ? " " Don 't see why not . " James shrugged , looking up again , not even blinking to see Colby and Sabirah standing so close . " You planning a trip ? " " Yeah , " Colby said , folding the letter again and slipping it into his jacket pocket . He owed Amita a drink for her help with the child kidnapping case , and it would be good to catch up with her and Charlie - Megan had said something about them developing a matrix to figure out if they should move in together or not . And Megan , of course , to see her face to face instead of over the phone . And David . And maybe it still wouldn 't work , maybe they couldn 't get past the spy thing and David asking Colby to leave , then running back to LA , but maybe they could . Finally , Colby wanted to try - felt ready to try . " Thinking of going back to LA for a visit , " he said .
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Every time I think that I have made some progress in regards to my family I seem to have a small setback . Sometimes I get so angry with myself because I don 't understand why I can 't just let them go completely . Maybe the child in me is still hoping they will come running back to me saying how they made such a big mistake and are so sorry . Even though I know that will never happen , I guess there is a part of me that wishes that were the case . On Sunday Susan was talking about how close she is with her Mom and how she really is her best friend . As she was talking my mind started to drift to how I used to be able to say that about my Mom as well . Before I knew it I could feel the tears in my eyes and when Susan asked how I was my voice cracked and she knew something was wrong . I didn 't want to say anything because I knew once I started talking then I would lose all control over my tears . Instead of pushing me to talk she just held me tighter and let me cry without saying a word . The one thing I hate about starting a new relationship is having to explain my family . Part of me is still really ashamed and feel like it must be something I have done , but then I come back to reality and realize my family is not normal . I always have this fear that when I tell someone that my entire family has disowned me they will think there is something wrong with me and run in the other direction . I am thankful that has never happened so I have no idea where this fear is coming from . I know that if I had someone in my life that has gone through what I have been through with my family , I would love them even more . I wish I could blame this crappy mood I am in on my period , but that 's not the reason . It 's weird because I am completely in love ( and very happy ) , but for the first time in 2 months I woke up this morning just feeling kind of blah . I still have a sore throat , so I maybe I am just not feeling well . Whenever Sophie or the cats are not feeling well I always make sure that they get extra love . On a day when I need a few extra hugs , Posted by Before I talk about how great life is ( are you guys tired of hearing me talk about Susan yet ? ) I have a few issues I would like to address . 1 ) Today when I was at lunch I went out to QT ( convenience store ) to get a coke and there was a lady there with a small child . She was yelling at this little boy and telling him to shut up loud enough for the entire store to hear . Last Friday I was at a different QT ( do you see a pattern here ? ) and there was a boy maybe 10 years old standing there with some lady . I am not sure if it was his Mother or sister . Well , I guess he said something to her and walked away and she called him back . When he got to her she hit him in the mouth and said , " that will teach you to talk back to me . " I so wanted to go up and punch her in the mouth . The boy looked over at me and I could see the shame and embarrassment in his eyes . I just don 't understand people that talk so bad to their children and even worse , hit them in public . Usually there is an officer at the QT 's , and I would have gone inside and gotten him , but there wasn 't one there on this day . My childhood was not perfect , but my parents never hit me and never belittled me in public . I think of all the people out there that really want a child and then there are so many people out there that just don 't give a damn about their children . 2 ) I think I know why I have been so tired the last few days . I have been waking up the last couple of nights coughing and choking and then this morning I woke up with a sore throat and my left ear is hurting again . I am really hoping I don 't get sick , but it seems to be heading in that direction . Maybe I should warn Susan that I am a complete baby when I get sick . 3 ) When I was driving home last night I was right next to this lady that was driving and smoking either crack or marijuana . I tried not to look at her directly because I really didn 't want to get shot . When I told Susan she said , " Another reason why I need to get you out of the city . " I wonder if she realizes how much Meth is used in the rural arPosted by Happy Birthday MJ ! ! Not only is today her birthday , but a couple days ago Cowboy asked her to marry her . Not too bad of a birthday . Be sure to go over and wish her a Happy Birthday and Congratulations on her engagement . They are such a cute couple and I really am so happy for them . I have always said that I may have gotten the short straw when it comes to family , but I have been very blessed when it comes to my friends . MJ is just one of the many examples of how wonderful my friends are . I have always told MJ that she challenges me more then anyone else . She refuses to let me say " I can 't " and pushes me in the right direction . When I think back to where my life was even just six months ago , I know that a lot of the positive changes have come as a result of her encouraging me . So MJ , thank you for being my friend and for helping me make so many positive changes in my life . In a few hours I am off to see Susan . We are going to see this movie . I think it 's going to be a pretty laid back weekend . For some reason I am completely exhausted . I laid down last night around 9 : 30pm and got up at midnight to take Sophie out and then went right back to bed until 8 : 30am . I wonder if the lack of sleep for the last 2 months is finally catching up with me . Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend . While Sophie was staying with L she hurt her neck . Every once in a while Sophie will strain her neck and she has trouble walking and going up and down stairs . I am thinking that she might have jumped off L 's bed ( as you can see she was completely spoiled while staying with L ) wrong or maybe was rough housing with Hank . I am not concerned because usually within a couple of days she is fine . One thing about Sophie is she loves it when others feel sorry for her . I know when I brought her home on Tuesday she was not feeling well , but I have caught her doing things that she will only do when she thinks I can 't see her . For example : last night when I got home she came running to the door and the minute she realized it was me she sat down and looked up at me like , " It still really hurts Mom . " When I got home tonight she was up on the couch ( which she doesn 't do when her neck hurts ) and when she saw me she just sat there like she suddenly couldn 't move . She really cracks me up . I am not sure what 's worse . . . the fact that she is playing me or the fact that I know this and still spoil her rotten . There is no way I can say no to those eyes . It 's 12 : 26am and waaaaay past my bedtime . Susan and I decided that since Topeka was just 1 hour away I should drive there after work so we could spend a couple hours together . She had dinner waiting for me and then we headed out to Kohl 's to look for some new shoes for me . She hates ( and that is putting it mildly ) my Crocs . I know I need some different shoes because my feet really hurt by the end of the day and the fact that I have fallen twice in the last month is a sign that my love affair with my Crocs is coming to an end . I think I will always have a pair in the summer time , but I think with winter right around the corner I need something that will provide me better traction . I found a couple pairs that I will go back and get when I get paid on Friday . Tonight we talked a little about Thanksgiving and Christmas and I am actually excited about these holidays this year . Last year I was dreading the holidays because I didn 't want to spend them alone . I didn 't spend them alone ( because I have awesome friends ) , but having someone special during the holidays is always nice . There is no question who I will be spending the holidays with this year . Last weekend I had a pretty disturbing dream about my Dad . I had a dream that he had passed away and I only found out when his lawyer called talking about his will . Ever since that dream I have not been able to get him out of my mind and I wonder how he is doing . I am not going to send an email or call because I have reached out so many times only to have my heart broken . I have decided that I will not contact my family again and if they want to get in contact with me they know how to . You have no idea how tired I am of being rejected by them over and over again . Letting go is so hard ; especially when you know they are still alive . One last thing before I head to bed : If you were to take a picture of my heart , this is what you would see . Posted by This morning we were up by 5 : 30am because Susan had to be at her training by 7 : 15am . When the alarm went off I thought it was the smoke alarm and it scared the shit out of me . I guess that 's what I get for only getting maybe 5 hours of sleep last night . Oh well , it was worth it . Here are some of my favorite moments from the time we spent in the wonderful capital of Kansas . * Susan really is the funniest person and I never know when something funny will come out of her mouth . Yesterday we were talking about her driving in Minnesota during the winter and she talked about all the times she has slide into the ditch . I laughed and told her that from now on I would be doing all the driving . She looked at me and in a serious voice said , " I only drive in the ditch when it 's snowing or icy . " Even more reason for me to do all the driving . * While she was at her training yesterday I decided to lay around the hotel room and watch lots of mindless daytime TV . I think I watched about 10 court shows . I guess at some point I fell asleep because I woke up to Susan touching my face . It was a perfect way to wake up from an afternoon nap . * Last night we went to dinner at Ruby Tuesday and really had crappy service , but it all worked out for us . We had decided to split an entree and each get the salad bar . About 45 minutes after we finished our salads we noticed that our food was not out yet . We kind of laughed and agreed that it 's a good sign when we are so consumed in our conversation that we don 't notice we have not received our order . The waiter finally reappeared and said he had received a phone call with bad news and forgot to put our order in . We ended up getting the entree to go and in the end only paid $ 4 . 89 . Not too bad . * This morning I let Susan get ready first and as I watched her getting ready she would look in the mirror at me and give me the warmest smile . I want everyday to be like that . * Susan really doesn 't like to have her picture taken and I really have to beg her to let me take a picture . I have many photos like this one : Posted by Don 't you hate it when you remember the wine , but forget the glasses . We were forced to drink our wine last night out of the very lovely plastic cups provided by the hotel . After a few drinks Susan looked at me and said : " I better drink my wine so it doesn 't spill . " I reassured her that her plastic glass of wine was not going to spill by simply sitting on the table . We are having a wonderful time . Susan is off to her training this afternoon and then tomorrow I am reluctantly heading back to Kansas City . I am wishing now that I had asked off for a couple more days . I have received several TXT messages from L who is taking care of Sophie . Apparently L 's dog is completely in love with Sophie and is kind of upset that Sophie did not reciprocate . I was also informed that Sophie likes to watch Football and the Sophie that does not like to cuddle was sleeping with L and her husband last night . I guess we are all on vacation . I call Susan my " Lady in Red " because red is her favorite color and she seems to always be wearing something red . So please enjoy the music while I go out of town and spend a couple of days with my Lady in Red . P . S . In case you missed it , Susan made an appearance in the comment section of my last post . Posted by It is so wonderful dating someone that has the same interests as me . When Laura and I were together not only did we not have a lot of the same interest , she somehow she thought that I was " odd " because of my interests . One of the things that both Susan and I are interested in is the history of social work / psychology . There is a place close to her that I went to last fall that used to be a Psychiatrist Hospital and is now a museum . It is so fascinating ( and sad ) to see how they used to treat individuals with mental illness . Last Wednesday when we got together she showed me her pictures of when she went to the museum . There are thousands of items in this museum and I think it 's funny how we both took a picture of the above item . If you click on the picture you will be able to read it better . It 's nice being with someone that has the same values / morals as I do . Another sign I found when I went to this museum was this one : I have one tech that I think could use a copy of this . I am getting up at 2 : 30am to go speak with this tech and do a surprise visit . It keeps my 3rd shift on their toes when they never know when I will be stopping by . I am pretty amazed at how clearly I am able to think in the middle of the night . I was worried about telling Susan that I was doing this because she worries about me driving in the day and I knew she wouldn 't like me driving downtown in the middle of the night . When I talked with her tonight she is worried and said something about how I really need to carry a gun . I told her that I am still getting used to carrying the mace she gave me a few weeks ago . Tonight I had to promise to send her a TXT message when I got home . I don 't want her to worry about me because I have lived in the city my entire life , but it is nice that she cares so much for me . I better get to bed since I need to be up in about 4 hours . Hope everyone has a great weekend . Tonight Susan and I were talking and we started talking about my family and I think it 's really hard for anyone to understand how my family could completely disown me . Sharing with someone about my family is one of the hardest parts of starting a new relationship or even a friendship . I think it is really hard for some people to understand that my family will never come around . I knew what was going to happen when I came out to my parents , but I still have moments when it catches me off guard and my emotions get involved again . Tonight I had one of those moments . I actually think it all started earlier in the day . I was outside with one of my co - workers when her 22 year old daughter stopped by . I have heard this co - worker tell numerous stories about her daughter ( who was adopted as well ) and I always felt that her relationship with her daughter was very similar to what my relationship was like with my Mom 4 years ago . My Mom was my best friend . We would talk several times a day and I always knew that she loved me . Obviously all that changed in July 2004 . It 's been an adjustment learning to live a life without my Mother . It 's even harder knowing that my Mom can not accept who I am and love me no matter what . I have saved every email my Mom has sent me since June 2004 and this is the only nice email and the last nice thing she ever said to me . I was explaining to Susan tonight that I have worked hard to get to a place where I can also see all the good times we had and somehow looking at all the good times makes the fact that they are no longer in my life a little easier . So tonight I read her an email that my Mom wrote to me in June 2004 on the anniversary of when they brought me home from the hospital . Here is that email : The month of June is a happy month for me . June 1st 31 years ago I had a daughterdelivered to me . June 9th 33 years ago I had a son delivered to me . You have no idea how it feels to want a child and be told it will never happen . Adoptionbeing the only answer , you still never really think someone will Posted by I know everyone is probably tired of hearing how happy I am and how well things continue to go with Susan , but really they are so good . When I was with Laura things were good , but I don 't remember them being this good so early on . I know Laura loved me , but I don 't know if she was ever really in love with me . So to have someone that is in love with me and tells me all the time , well that just feels wonderful . It was so awesome being able to spend the evening with Susan . I didn 't get home until 12 : 30am and I am paying for it this morning . When I first woke up I felt like I had been hit by a truck and was sooo tired . But believe me , it was well worth the lack of sleep . Next week Susan has a training in Topeka , so I am meeting her in Topeka on Sunday and coming back home on Tuesday morning just in time for work . To me hotels are so romantic and I can 't wait to spend a couple of days at one with her . Sophie will be spending 2 days with my co - worker L . L and her husband have a dog named Hank , so we are hoping that Sophie and Hank get along OK . I am not too worried about it since Sophie is a very easy going dog . Well , that 's about all I have for today unless of course you want to hear some more about how wonderful Susan is and how lucky I am to have found her . Maybe I should do a post about the ABC 's of Susan . I keep talking about how wonderful she is , so maybe I should start telling you exactly why I think she is so wonderful . The last couple of days I have received a couple emails / calls from my friends asking if I am upset at them because I had not responded to their emails . So , this is an open apology to all my friends that have sent me emails and I have not responded to them . As many of you know ( since that seems to be all I can think about lately ) , I have been a little distracted for more then a month now . On top of being happily distracted by a certain someone , work is keeping me very busy . Things have settled down a little at work , but history tells me that this calmness is only temporary . I promise to be better at responding to emails and calls . Speaking of distractions : I get to see my girl tonight . We are getting together for dinner tonight and I can 't wait to see her . We live about 1 . 5 hours away from each other , so getting together during the week is not always possible . I know it will be worth the lack of sleep I will get tonight . When I asked her if I could bring anything tonight she said , " Just yourself . " I have discovered this gourmet chocolate place right down the street from my work . Oh . My . God . This chocolate has officially ruined Hershey 's Chocolate for me . Susan loves anything sweet and last weekend I picked up some chocolate from this place for her and she said it was the best chocolate she had ever had . So like a good girlfriend , I went today and picked her up some more . I will take some pictures tonight because these chocolates are like little pieces of artwork . They are almost too pretty too eat . On Monday I went to the Obama office to pick up a yard sign for me and one for Susan . I was a little shocked because they charged $ 8 per yard sign . I don 't mind giving a donation , but $ 8 seemed a little high for me . My sweet neighbor that lives next to me has a McCain sticker on his car . A few weeks ago he asked about the " guy " I was dating . I had mentioned something to him a few weeks ago about the person I was seeing and I guess he assumed it was a guy . I kind of avoided the question because I really didn 't want to go intPosted by . . . . . This sweet baby found me and insisted I bring her home . I was in my last year of school for my bachelors degree . I was working at a community center in the inner city and there was always stray dogs running around . On this particular morning I pulled up and there was this sweet little black puppy running around the parking lot . When I was walking in I bent down to pet the puppy and my boss noticed the puppy as well and brought out some food for her . She ate it right up . I then went inside ( even though I would have rather stayed outside and played with the puppy ) and went to the front desk . They had security cameras on the back parking lot and I could see this little puppy just running all over . I was worried that it was going to get hit , so I told myself that if it was out there at lunch I would take it home . When I went out at lunch , the puppy was no where to be found . Part of me was relieved because I already had a dog at home and really didn 't want another one . Around 3pm I went to do a home visit and when I pulled back into the parking lot at 3 : 30 I noticed the little black puppy across the street . I yelled , " Here Puppy Puppy " and she came running . I picked her up and said to her : " If you are here when I get off at 4 : 30 I will take you home . " When I got off at 4 : 30 I walked out to find this little black puppy sleeping on the front steps to the building . I did what I promised to do and I picked her up , put her in the car and took her home . As we drove home she sat on the back seat just looking at me . I was instantly in love . When I first got Sophie she was only 3 months and was only 8 pounds . I have no pictures of her when she was a puppy and I am wishing I had taken more pictures of her . For the last 10 years Sophie has been my best friend and my constant companion . She is always there when I get home and loves me even when I am having a really bad day . The only thing she wants in the whole world is to be with me . I love everything about her . I love how when she lays down she puts her neck in a position that looks Posted by I tried to take Susan 's picture while we were out to lunch on Saturday and this picture is the result . Obviously she has not been around me long enough to realize that I truly am the paparazzi and will take lots of pictures . I joked with her that it was OK that this picture didn 't turn out because the one of her sleeping was great . She didn 't think that was too funny . It 's hard to believe that it 's been over a month since we met . I read a blog this morning of someone that has also been dating someone for a month and they talked about how much things have changed for them in that month . I really can say the same thing about my life . Before I met Susan I knew that things were going to be OK , but I just had no idea how it was all going to work out . Now I have a very clear picture as to how my future will be and it makes me extremely happy . When I think back to the women I dated after Laura , I am just so thankful that I have found someone that is sweet , kind , beautiful and all around just a really good person . I know I am very lucky . Since I have so many new readers I thought I would do a recap of my dating experiences after Laura . March 2007 : Within a few weeks of the break - up Laura really encouraged me to get out there and start dating . I knew I was not ready and I have no idea why I went out . My first date was with a woman I had met online and really she was a nice person , but throughout the dinner all I could think about was Laura . All I could do was talk about her , etc . I was so surprised when the woman asked me out again . I never responded to her email because I just couldn 't think of being with anyone but Laura . April 2007 : I met Jenn who was living in Oklahoma City . We had talked a few times before I drove out to see Lynilu . As I was driving home I called Jenn and we agreed to meet for dinner on my way back . A few weeks later I drove down to OKC again for the weekend . It was the weekend that Laura and I were suppose to go to Florida for our commitment ceremony . I was miserable the entire weekend and it was very apPosted by And yet another perfect weekend . It was kind of a rough start to the weekend since I had been so stressed at work . As I drove up to Susan 's we had severe thunderstorms move into the area . The traffic going back to KC stopped completely . I knew that when Susan and I drove back to KC we would need to find a different route . We ended up driving 30 minutes east to catch another highway going south . It took us 2 hours to get home and by the time we were a few minutes from my place it was raining so hard that we had to pull over . I really hate being on the highway and not being able to see a thing . We finally made it home and when I put my car in park the key would not come out of the ignition . It was stuck on the part where the car was off , but it was still using the battery . We tried for about 15 minutes and then decided to call AAA . Because of the storms they wouldn 't have anyone that could come out for at least 2 hours . About 45 minutes after we called , we got a call from the guy that was going to come out . He said he wasn 't sure if he could fix the problem because it sounded like a transmission problem . When I heard that I got a huge pit in my stomach . He then said that sometimes the cable that puts the car in park sometimes get caught . He told me to take the car out of park and slam the handle into park . As we walked up to the car I prayed that this would work . It did work and I was so relieved . By this point it 's almost 9 and Susan and I are starving . We decide to order pizza and find out the delivery time was 100 minutes . We decided to go pick it up and we both held our breathe as I turned the car off at Pizza Hut hoping the key was not stuck again . Thankfully after Friday the weekend was perfect . I was on call this weekend so I knew that I would be getting a few calls . I didn 't plan on 10 Friday night . Keep in mind as I am dealing with my car problems I am also taking calls from my techs . Susan said she was impressed when through all of it I was calm , cool and collective . I even received 2 calls around midnight aPosted by This has been a very hard week at work . I have had a lot of tech issues that I have had to deal with and by last night I was done with work and really didn 't want to come in today . I had a meeting this morning at one of our other locations and it was pouring rain . Not just raining , but it was so bad that I could barely see while I was driving on the highway . Going from my car to the building allowed me to have my second shower for the day . We are suppose to get rain all weekend and that kind of worries me because there is already some flooding happening . By next week we are suppose to get rain from the hurricane that is hitting Texas this weekend . I love rain , but this is a little much for even me . Just 3 hours until I with my girl again . It is going to be a great weekend . Hope everyone has a wonderful ( and hopefully dry ) weekend . In my post a few days ago Fern asked me about when I was married to my ex - husband and how / why the marriage failed . So here is the story : James and I married in November 1995 . I loved James , but I was not in love with him . When we first started dating he converted to become a Jehovah 's Witness . He was raised Catholic , so this was very hard for his parents . I think they always resented me for that and I totally understand that now . James became a very hard core JW . I always thought I was a good JW until James came along . He would bug me about certain things I did and say that it was right . In the fall of 1998 we decided that I would go off the pill and we were hoping we would become pregnant . I think we were pretty lucky that I did not get pregnant considering the marriage was never going to last . It 's kind of scary thinking that if that had happened I would have a 9 year old . In the fall of 1999 I had just started my first job after getting my bachelors degree and life was pretty good . I was meeting a lot of cool people through work and I really felt like I was able to breathe again . I felt that my marriage to James and the church were suffocating me . In October of 1999 I took a family I was working with to the Child and Family Services building . When their worker came out it was as if my heart stopped . It was the first time that I realized that I didn 't want to just be her friend . It was the first time that I wanted to kiss a woman . I introduced myself and gave her card and told her to call if she ever wanted to hang out . Believe me , this was the first time I had ever done something like this . Well a few days later she came to my work to talk about the family we were both working with . I loved how she didn 't just call me , but came to my work to see me . We decided that we should get together sometime for drinks after work . I was thrilled and so excited . I remember I couldn 't stop thinking about her and even though it felt great , I was also very scared . I knew what this meant and I knew exactly what was going to happPosted by Last week I decided to email my sister - in - law on my ex - husbands side of the family . When James and I divorced Jenn was the only one that would talk to me . As happy as I was to be divorced , I was sad that I was technically losing 5 nieces / nephews . Jenn has always sent me x - mas cards and pictures of the kids . I love that to her family I am still " Aunt Caroline " . Well , it had been about a year since we talked and I was curious as to how she was doing . It was good catching up with her and I am so excited because they are expecting another baby this November . It 's also been fun catching up on what James has been doing . James is a really good person and I truly hope that he is happy one day . A few months ago I emailed James on myspace and he was so excited to tell me that he finally saw the light and is no longer a Jehovah 's Witness . James became a Jehovah 's Witness after we started dating and somehow he was more of a hard core Witness then me who was raised a witness for the first thirty years of my life . When we were having problems and I suggested a marriage counselor , his response was " I will only go to a therapist that is a Jehovah 's Witness " . I am happy that he is no longer part of that cult and hope he wasn 't hurt too much by the witnesses . I think I have found my new part - time job . * Thursday : Won $ 240 off a $ 2 scratch off * Saturday won $ 30 off a $ 2 scratch off and $ 3 from a Powerball ticket * Today : won $ 40 off a $ 2 scratch offThat totals $ 313 in one week . Not too bad if I do say so myself . Looks like I 'm not cursed by Murphy 's Law after all . I knew this day was coming , but it kind of caught me by surprise this year . Today they drained the pool in my complex : As happy as I am to see fall and cooler temps , I am still a little sad that the pool is closed . I haven 't been to the pool since late July and my tan has already started to fade . I lost the tan competition to MJ and I am reminded of that all the time . Just like the Chiefs , there is always next year . It was at this pool that my heart finally healed . Not only did I resolve issues with Laura , but I did with my parents as well . I will always remember this summer . Look who is feeling better : There is nothing better then a walk in the early evening with my best friend . I love this picture of her : When we go on walks she is so excited that I swear she is smiling . It seems I am not the only one that is feeling like there is something missing : Friday can 't get here soon enough . A few weeks ago when I was driving up to see Susan I saw the strangest thing on the highway . Ahead of me was a person on a motorcycle and there was a small cat carrier on the back . At first I thought it was really strange and kind of cruel if there was actually a cat inside . When I got beside the motorcycle there was not a cat in the carrier , but a raccoon . This was one of the times where I really wished I had my camera . A raccoon ? Seriously it was the funniest thing I have ever seen . As I was driving home this weekend I passed the airport and this plane flew right over me . I love it when I am driving past the airport and a plane comes in for a landing . It was yet another perfect weekend . It seems that each time we get together it gets better and better . Saturday when I woke up I went and got an oil change and it was when I was at Walmart that I realized how tired I was . I had taken some sinus medication before I went and it kicked in while I was walking around Walmart . By the time I got to Susan 's I felt like I was going to fall asleep at any moment . But seeing her smiling face seemed to make me a lot less tired . I need to remember that just because the package says " non - drowsy " does not mean it won 't make me tired . I cooked for her Saturday night and it went over really well . Maybe there is a hidden cook inside me after all . And breakfast this morning was as a big of a hit as dinner the night before . It all seemed perfect . It seemed perfect that she sat in the kitchen and talked to me while I cooked . It was perfect that I sat at the table while she insisted on doing the dishes . I saw a clear picture of how my future is going to look . We have both been through a lot in the last couple of years and we 've decided that we are each others rewards . I always dreamed that I would find someone that I had so much in common with and an equal amount of chemistry . Like I keep saying , everything I went through the last 18 months that lead me to her was worth it . Here is another picture of my drive home this evening : It 's official : summer is gone and I couldn 't be happier . The Halloween stuff is out at Walmart , I am able to sleep with the windows open , it 's getting darker earlier and earlier and the pool has closed at my complex . I am personally glad that summer is over ; although this summer was not too hot so I can 't really complain . When I think back to this summer I have so many good memoies and I had a lot of good times with some awesome friends . I also spent a lot of time working on me , which appears to haPosted by Since last weekend I have had a dull headache and some minor congestion . By mid week I realized that I probably had a sinus infection , but tried really hard to treat it at home . But it seemed to be getting worse and yesterday I was so tired . I took my temperature at work and was running a low grade fever . I called my doctor yesterday to see if they would call in a RX for some antibiotics , but of course they wouldn 't . When I woke up this morning my head was killing me and my nose was so sensitive . I decided to go to the doctor . Thankfully they were able to get me in late this afternoon . Yes I do have a sinus infection , but the surprising thing is I also have an ear infection in my left ear . My ear started hurting a few days ago , but I didn 't think too much about it . At the doctors office I had still had a fever of 100 . 2 . It 's amazing how draining a fever is . I could barely keep my eyes open today and seemed to be in a zone . So now both Sophie and I are on antibiotics . I am going to need to make a schedule to make sure we both get our meds and more importantly , that I don 't accidentally take her pills . The last time I went to the Doctor was in June and it was not a pleasant experience . My Doctor was so rude and really made me feel bad about my weight . They had trouble taking my blood pressure and they kept taking it over and over again in the same arm . By the time they got a reading it was 150 / 100 . The Doctor said that I needed to be on blood pressure meds and wrote out the RX . I told her to look through my file and she would see that I don 't have a history of high blood pressure . She still told me that I needed to take this medicine . Well , I didn 't fill the RX because I knew my pressure was high because they kept taking it in the same arm . My Doctor was out today so I saw someone different and I think I am going to change doctors . My blood pressure was perfect at 126 / 78 and this new doctor was really nice and listened to me . As I was checking in they had my file sitting on the counter and I glanced down at it and inPosted by Taking Sophie to the vet last week was a huge strain on me financially snice they had to run a bunch of test and all the medicine she is on now . I am trying to save for the taxes and tags for my car and it seemed like I was never getting ahead . Well , it seems my luck is starting to change . Today at lunch I went to a convenience store to get a coke and decided to get a $ 2 scratch off . As I walked out the store I said a quick prayer and hoped that maybe I would win $ 20 . Turns out I won $ 240 from that one ticket . It looks like my love life is not the only area where my luck is changing . Thank you all for your awesome comments in my last post . It really makes me happy that so many of you are happy for me and this happiness I have found . It 's because of each of you that I was able to make it through the last 18 months . When I think back to everything that has happened in the last 18 months my head literally spins . One quote that helped me get through everything is : Sometimes you have to lose to win . I have lost a lot in the last 18 months and I had many days where I asked God why he was punishing me . But I kept telling myself ( with help from you guys ) that my reward would be better then anything I could imagine . And everyone was right ! My reward came to me last month and she is better and more beautiful then what I could have ever hoped for . Isn 't it amazing how one moment can change everything . When you know , you just know . So the other day I was surfing the Internet and I found what I want to buy Sophie if I ever win the lottery : Isn 't this the greatest thing . I actually think this house is bigger then my current apartment . You should check out this cool website of designer dog houses . Look , this one even has a pool ! ! ! ! ! These houses even come with AC and heat . The rain from Gustav has moved in . It has rained literally all day . I was actually cold today . Love , love , love this weather . It 's time to start the official countdown for the first snowfall . I have not carried a purse for at least 15 years . I think the last time I truly had a purse was when I was in high school ; and even then it was a very small one that I could throw over my shoulder . I have never felt the need for a purse and have learned not to carry a lot of stuff with me . Well , Susan told me that I really should carry a purse . I told her that I didn 't need one because if I needed something carried I could just put it in her purse . She didn 't think that was too funny . : ) Her pursuit to get me to carry a purse was only intensified when we went out to dinner on Saturday . We went to the restaurant where my co - worker L works . I still don 't know how it came up , but the two of them started talking about me not having a purse . Here is how the conversation between the two of them went : S : I was shocked that Caroline doesn 't carry a purse . L : I know , me too . I have never seen her carry anything but her wallet . S : I don 't know any women that don 't carry purses . L : Me neither . . . well , besides Caroline . I loved how they talked like I wasn 't even there . By the end of the conversation L had told Susan of a store down the street where we could go look for a purse for me . So after dinner we headed over to the store and I started looking through the purses . I found one that I really liked , but it was $ 79 . 99 . I told Susan that I refused to pay $ 80 for a purse . She looked at me like , " I don 't understand what is wrong with that . " We ended up leaving that store with no purse , but she talked me into going to one more store . Here is what I found at the second store we went to : I think it 's more of a bag , but it 's a start . I told Susan to be patient with me because carrying a purse is like having a third arm . It 's just really awkward for me . I have a feeling when we get together this weekend we will be looking for new shoes for me . Her response to my Crocs were , " I can 't believe you get your shoes from a Sporting Goods Store . " First of all , I have some very good news . The vet called me just a few minutes ago and told me that all of Sophie 's blood work came back just fine . It was sweet because the first thing she said was , " how is Sophie doing ? " She was happy to hear that she is doing better and more active . My vet is so awesome to take the time out of her Holiday to call and let me know . It was funny because in the background I could hear her little girl saying , " I want Pizza " . It was cute . Thanks for all your prayers . My weekend : I really don 't know how to express how perfect this past weekend was . Susan came down on Saturday and went home this afternoon . We spent the weekend talking ( we never have trouble finding things to talk about ) , shopping , watching LOGO and listening to this song . I am trying to figure out how I got so lucky . I have found ( well , she actually found me ) this beautiful , smart , funny and kind woman that is completely crazy about me . If going through the past 18 months is what lead me to her , then it was all worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat . Susan passed a very important test this weekend . Usually Ben will hide whenever someone new comes into the house . It 's usually weeks or months before anyone really sees him . Saturday evening Ben came out and even went up to her . By Sunday morning he was letting her pet him and walking around the apartment more . Late last night we were laying in bed and I looked over and both Ben and Bonk were on her side right next to her . Even when Susan got out of bed , Ben just laid there . She is officially a part of our family . It has been impossible not to talk about my blog and all my blogger friends . This blog and all of you play such an important role in my life that I had to share this with her . So I imagine she will be visiting my blog now , so please be sure to say HI to her . So here it is the start of new month . I have a healthy dog and one amazing woman . Life is very good . When I first started this blog it was because I felt lost in the world and didn 't know where I fit into the world . After taking several years off to get to know the real Caroline , I think I have finally found my place in the world . I hope you will tag along so I can share with you all the wonderful little things in my life . I now live at the top of the world ( literally ) and I love the view from here .
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" I do want to be here for you to listen too , I just have very different opinions on love than you do . . explain to me what it even is about her that you love ? Maybe its not right for me to ask that but i feel like if you really love her you 'd want to answer it . . " " What I love about her is the way I feel when I 'm with her . which is really something I can 't even put into words . whether we 're fighting or perfectly okay . She makes me feel something that nobody else in the world can . . she makes me feel real . there 's a lot of people in my life that are important to me and can make me feel so many different things but she brought out some of my core emotions that I never knew that I had . she understands me in a way that so many people haven 't been able to understand and she shows up in so many different parts of my life that remind me of how much I love her . She was my first real love and a lot of the things that we have experienced together is a lot of what has made me love her so much . what she has made me into . the only thing that I want you to try to understand that love is love . lost love , is still love . . I love you as my best friend and if you stopped being friends with me , or if you died , with out any warning , I would still love you exactly the way I did before . I know that 's a way different kind of love , but feelings are feelings . Even if they can 't be returned . I understand what you 're saying when it 's not a loving relationship if you 're not being loved back but not being wanted back doesn 't erase the feelings you had before . you can 't make yourself stop wanting someone and when I look at other girls I can 't picture feeling the way I felt with her . because she is everything I ever wanted . the music she shows me , the movies , the books we give each other , the things she has said to me , the way she has made me feel , the way she touches , the way she talks , the way I am able to be around her , the way I feel I understand her . I feel like she 's so understandable too me no matter how complex she can make things . . they arPosted by I want so badly to be able to enjoy myself . No matter where I am , no matter what I 'm doing . I just want to always feel okay . But you can 't feel okay with where you are if you 're always wanting to go back . I want to go back to the summer day in July when we went on a walk down that path by the river holding your hand . When we stopped at that bridge and watched the water , and kicked the cotton all over the ground with our feet . Going back to your house at the end of the day and lying in bed with you . That 's one of my happiest memories , I can still feel what I felt that day when I look back on it . The time when we were sitting together on the couch at Justins while everyone was playing pong next to us and while all the guys were hitting on Sydney I felt so happy to be able to hold you closer and know you were all mine . Our road trip to Portland , with you in my passenger seat , letting you pick all the songs , being able to stop and pull over wherever we wanted to . Knowing we were going to be next to each other for the next two hours and knowing we 'd fall asleep with each other that night , and wake up to each other the next morning . I wanted to see different parts of the world with you , even if it was just in our small city . And that 's something we hardly ever did . I wanted to show you other parts of me that I couldn 't show you in your house , or your bedroom . I wanted to get to know you more than I already did . I wanted you to call me when I was with my friends and I 'd tell you I can 't talk right now , but I promise I 'll call you tonight . I wanted to take you to the movies and then take you to dinner and walk you to your door . I wanted you to stay at my house , and meet my dad . Take you to my work and show you off . Introduce you to my friends you never met , and spend time with the ones you did . Take you shopping and buy you things . I was willing to wait for you to be ready . I always was willing to wait . I always am . . But what I 'm trying to figure out is how long can I do this to myself . How many times do I have to hear yoPosted by " I didn 't answer . I knew she was right , but that didn 't change the way I felt about things at all . People always think that if they can prove that they 're right , you 'll change your mind . " " It 's odd what facets of life children incorporate into their play . I started to think about this , about how we wanted to assume the dreariest aspects of adult life : playing office , playing store . . playing mental asylum . " " I think I could do other things with the money that would be better for me than going to college . " " Such as ? " My grandmother asked . I didn 't answer because it was suddenly clear to me , for a second or two , that part of this not wanting to go to college was simply a desire not to move forward , for I loved where I was at the moment , and felt that so surely and keenly : sitting in my grandmothers kitchen . . All around us not yet totally violated by stupidity and intolerance and hate . " But wouldn 't you be lonely ? " " I don 't mind being lonely , " I said , " I am lonely now , here , living in New York . It makes it worse in New York because you see people interacting everywhere you go , all the time . Constantly . " " Just because people interact doesn 't mean they aren 't lonely . " " How should I know if this will help me ? It 's like asking someone who 's swimming the English channel if they will get across . There 's no way they can know . " " But they can believe they can swim across . Otherwise why would they set out ? You wouldn 't begin to swim across the Channel if you didn 't think you could make it . " " You might . " " You 're sitting all alone . Come join us . . " This is something I really hate . Really , really hate - when people react to your being alone as some kind of problem for them . I knew the only reason she wanted me to come and sit at her table was that she wanted to do someone a favor . My sitting alone bothered her ; it 's like how you resent those people standing up on the subway when you 're seated . I find it disturbing that so much seemingly altruistic behavior is really quite selfish . Even so - called saints like Mother Teresa bother me . In some waysPosted by Last night my brother told us all he 's joining the military this spring . . He 'll be doing his training in March and if he makes it in , he 'll be away for six years . He won 't be able to come home until two years after training and that will only be for a very short period before he goes right back to fight . Matthew was really upset last night because he 's really short on money and couldn 't get us gifts this year , this morning he just pulled out his wallet and gave us 20 's but I didn 't want to accept it . I did . He was upset because we won 't have a christmas together again for another three years . It scares me . He always jumps into whatever comes to mind . Last night in the living room he was showing me these training videos of what it will be like . He 'd skip through the parts that would be the trained marines talking , and I would only hear clips of what they 'd say as he skipped through , " It 's putting your whole life at risk . " " You 're fighting for your country and your life . " And then he 'd get to the scenes with the action , and turn up the volume . Them jumping from planes and shooting right once on ground , them swimming through swamps with alligators and deadly snakes , crawling on the ground through the forests , and I was trying to picture him doing all of this . . But I couldn 't . When we were talking in the kitchen , and when he was showing me all of these things I was trying to pretend I was more interested than I really was . " Oh yeah , that 's awesome . " Responding to the video the same way you 'd respond to watching somebody play a video game . But the truth is I don 't want him to go , and I 'm scared . But when I asked him , " Does it scare you ? " He said , " What ? " and I said , " Any of that ? " He goes , " No , I love that shit . It 's what I 've always wanted . I 'll be able to face any situation after this . " And I was silent . While everyone else was finishing wrapping presents tonight , I got out my phone and called to be picked up . Once again , I had that feeling where I just had to get away . That anxious nervousness that holds me back from enjoying anything else around me . " So whats up ? " " I don 't feel right . What I 'm trying to do is hard because I want to keep her in my life but I don 't want to love her anymore . " " Why not ? " " Because she 's done , and because I can 't lose anymore of me . " " Then cut off all connections . You need to get her out of your mind . " " I can 't . That 'd mean I 'd have to forget a lot of what she 's made me into . We changed each other a lot through our relationship not just in bad ways . If she still called , which she wouldn 't , I 'd still answer . No matter what , I can 't ever stop caring for her . " " She won 't call you though , dude . She doesn 't care to call you . You 're not what you used to be to her . And she doesn 't want you the same way as she used to . " " That doesn 't mean we 're any less close as we were before . That doesn 't mean we stop caring for each other all together . . " . . . " So what are you going to do ? " " Nothing . " " What do you mean ? " " I 'm not gonna do anything . There isn 't anything to do except keeping on . " I want to know why everyone thinks not being together has to turn into something worse . I don 't have to be what I used to be , but I don 't think I know how to live with out you in my life . Over the first part of my winter break I left for Idaho to see my mom . My plan was to actually leave kind of quietly , with out saying much to anybody . I needed to step away from everything and have some time to stop focusing on everyone else for just a little bit . What I learned while I was gone , is positive thinking really does put so many things into place . While I was gone I didn 't have a cell phone . I didn 't have Internet to check a million different social networks because of anxiety . All I had was myself , my thoughts that I had been blocking out for way too long , and my mom to wake up in the middle of the night to talk to . The only person in the whole world that knows every little detail about me . I drew conclusions that I needed to draw . I can still love until I can let go . But I can 't put my life on hold anymore waiting for somebody to love me back . I can 't let phobias be my only friends anymore . I have kept myself very sheltered the past few months , because that 's what I thought I had to do . I was a lonely and afraid person . And I was somebody that I didn 't even know how to handle . Just pushing myself out of my comfort zone the past few days has transformed the way I feel completely . There are other things to feel good about and other things to put my energy into . You can 't move on from somebody when they 're the one you constantly turn to . It takes other things , and other people . Otherwise it 's like expecting to quit cigarettes , by smoking cigarettes . It 's a comfort , and it 's what has always helped you with everything else before , but it can 't push you away from itself . It feels good to be able to follow through again . I 'm back . I 'm ready to step into things that are new , and I 'm ready to feel okay again . When I lose what I 'm used to , I close off any other possibilities out there for me . It takes me a long time to open myself up to better things . . Nothing really is appealing to me anymore . I don 't even know what I want . I 'm so sick of being excited to get off of work and then not knowing what to do or where to go . I 'm so tired of texting Bryant every single weekend to ask him to hang out and never getting a reply . Then seeing him drunk the same night and he says , " Where have you been ! " and I say , " I text you all the time . . " And he says , " No you don 't ! " And then we both laugh it off but I 'm actually pissed , because I really do . And he knows I do . The only thing I can do with any of my friends is find something we can drink or smoke , and then find a party . And now that 's the only way I know how to make plans anymore . I see partying as one big trip . . In a car that looks so much more luxurious until you get inside . But without it , I always am made to feel that I 'm missing out . On something really big . It makes you feel like whatever else you 're doing is so much more unimportant than what you could be doing . And no fun seems as fun as it was before . It 's this whole mind set that you 're trained into . I look at all the other people I used to be friends with , and I start to want what they have . I miss having friends that know there 's nothing going on in the night and say , " Well you should still come over . " And then making it a better night than you even planned . I miss having that so much . And I miss when I wouldn 't reject little plans like those . Little plans like tonight , Michele asking me to come to get coffee with her until we find out what we 're doing . I look at all my old friends , all of them are all together , and they 're all making their last year here one to remember . They at least put in an effort to be happy and have fun with their lives . . And I just don 't . Because it doesn 't feel right when I try . I wish I was the way I used to be . When I would make myself go into situations , even if I wasn 't sure if it 's what I wPosted by The past two days I 've showed up to school , on time . I haven 't slept in and I haven 't left to come home early . And it feels good . It 's weird what I 've trained myself to do . . I sleep in for the same reason everybody sleeps in , because it 's comforting . But what 's weird about my situation , is when I 'm laying in bed I think about a lot of my normal day I see hardly any time to relax in it , so when my alarm goes off , that is my chance . That 's my time to relax . Even if I know I shouldn 't . The way I process thoughts in the morning is so strange . I do things like , " I work today after school . So today I can sleep in . " I start my shift right once school gets out , so there is no other time for sleep . I sleep in for comfort . The warmth of my room is something I don 't want to leave . I sleep in to avoid the cold , or having to get up and find something to wear . I think about the drives to school when I 'm shivering uncontrollably and my hair literally starts to freeze from being wet . My heater that doesn 't warm up until I 'm already to school . All of that races through my mind . And then my alarm goes off . In fact , five alarms go off . With five minute breaks in between . And I press snooze every time and sometimes , I don 't even remember doing it when I wake up and its an hour past the time class started . I am done trying to give myself reasons to not do the things I need to do . I 'm being weak . I 'm tired of walking in through the door of my first period class that 's centered right in the front of the room and looking at all the faces people give me while they 're taking their notes . I 'm sick of hearing my dad in the living room every night answering his phone and going along word by word with what the automatic message he now has memorized is saying . Today I looked at my grade that was posted on the wall . . 11 % is where I 'm at . . Failing . And I am not a failure . I want to feel proud of myself again . " You 're doing horrible in school your room is always trashed . You are never home . I don 't trust you . I 'm not gonna let you move into the new room we built because you 'll just destroy it . You can never do the things I need you to do , right . You 're leading your life in the wrong direction . " " Well thanks for giving me a chance . I know the way I 'm living isn 't right , but I plan to change that for myself . I 'm changing that for myself right now . " " There isn 't a day that goes by that I don 't get a call from school either absent or tardy , every single day . Your grades are terrible . You 're not going to graduate . I don 't know what you 're planning on doing , but you better start making better choices . " " I don 't understand anything I 'm learning when I show up to my first period class . Whenever I show up I feel like such a failure . I hate my bad habits so much , I want to break them so bad . I can 't make myself wake up on time , ever . I can 't make myself sleep , ever . Whenever any of us are at a low point in life you never try to understand . Anything that you can 't live by , you don 't try to understand , or motivate us to do better . To remind us that we can do it . You can 't accept it so you don 't know what to do with us . " " What does that have to do with you not taking pride in anything ? " " So much . " " What 's a low point for you ? Every single day . " " That 's the thing , you see me as a failure . You will never be able to pay attention to the good things in me if there 's other things in my life that aren 't perfect . You don 't pay attention to the person I 've become , and the fact that you only bring out the bad person in me . You don 't pay attention to the fact that I 've learned maturity and am working on my own and making my own money . . To you , if everything isn 't right , then it 's all wrong . . You try to give me your life to the point where you make me feel like mine isn 't right . " " The problem with you is every single thing that I do good in , you want to be able feel it 's your success . Every single thing I fail in , you want to fix . You want control ovPosted by Tonight I called off work because david was in the hospital again . I had to show up and tell the front desk I 'm his ride home so they could give him his shot . It 's a shot that drugs him up so he 'll be numb to the migraine for the night . They told me he shouldn 't have even driven himself there . That his migraine is so bad that he can hardly even see straight . My dad and Susan showed up to pick up his car for him , and alyssa came to give him a ride home . We were all silent in the waiting room . I looked over at my dad , he had his head down in silence . He said , " I 'm so sick of coming here . I 'm so sick of david not changing anything in his life to fix this . " He crossed his arms and looked up and says , " I give up . I can 't try anymore . I 've tried long enough . " We all stopped talking and looked over at the door each time it opened , thinking it was him . It wasn 't . My dad says to Alyssa , " It really hurts me that he never answers my calls . He never will text me back . He never comes when I invite him to dinner . I 've tried everything I can . . " And I was shaking my head out of anger . . " There 's nothing else I can do . " My dad and I started to argue about what trying really is . I told him if he really cared , if he was really trying , he would never give up . I told him that caring isn 't calling to say , " You need to quit all that crap and pull yourself together . " That isn 't going to make David want to change his life . My dad has never been able to understand us at our weakest points , and never trys to . He forces us out of it by making us feel even more weak . I don 't think you can force change on somebody , but it 's easier to pick yourself up when you know somebody believes you can . When somebody understands where you are at . Alyssa said to him that when David looks back on all of this when he 's better , he needs to know that we were all there caring for him . He doesn 't want to look back on all the people that gave up on him . Dad goes , " Dustin , Susans son lives in China . He 's in town for the month and I see him more than I see my own sonPosted by Last night was the first night that I actually made myself go do something after work . I spent it with people that I usually don 't , or people that I don 't even like all that much . But it was nice because it was something new . For once . I grow addicted to nights like last night because it 's all things that I know won 't be predictable , like my life is now a days . It 's all a bunch of conversations that normally wouldn 't be said , and things that will be forgotten , a lot of , " Lets do something next weekend . " A lot of swapping numbers and new contacts that you never really even end up texting . At one point while at Adias I snuck away from everybody and went upstairs where no one was and went into the bathroom and locked the door . I sat on the counter and pulled out my phone . I wanted to call you . . And I didn 't know why . But I knew you wouldn 't want to hear what I was doing or why I didn 't come over . I called Michele . We were laughing as I was quoting to her all the things people downstairs were saying to me , and telling her all the convestaions I had with people about her . After she hung up , I sat there for a little bit longer and thought about stopping by Stephanies . By suprise . Showing up to say hi . I had my fun . I wanted to leave . I wanted to be there . Then I remembered I had to give rides home . I remembered that I was drunk . So I went back downstairs and I stayed . . Went back downstairs and listened to Mariah tell me about the girl she wanted to fight , and talked to Paige about how she hates being the one who has to drive her drunk best friend around every weekend . Smoked with Adia outside , and kept drinking the drinks I was handed from people I don 't even know . Going up to old friends and talking to them about why we stopped talking , posing in pictures and smiling really big , laughing so hard at Joey mopping the floor with the biggest mop I had ever seen , listening to Parkers stories , and watching Taylor and Joey tango . It 's nice to get out of my house and feel things that aren 't so real . But it doesn 't make me any Posted by " Why didn 't you sleep last night ? " " Over something stupd . . " " What ? " " Waiting for her to call . " " Why did you want her to call ? What 'd you have to say ? " " Nothing really I just wanted to talk . " " And did she end up calling ? " " No . . And then I was just angry . . Which is what kept me up " " Where are you going after third ? " " I don 't know , she 's not answering so I guess home . " " Do you want to go some where else ? " " No , not really . " But most important . . " It takes away a lot of my energy . " " What does ? Work ? " " No . Her . And the time I spend hanging how I feel onto what she ends up doing . If we make plans and she ends up doing something else she doesn 't care enough to call or tell me . And then it 's me just basing my day off of guessing what she 'll do , or what I should do . Nothing is ever straight forward , because she makes it that way . " " Don 't you realize what you were trying to do from the start ? " " I sort of forgot what or why . " " You told me that you were trying to love her without depending on her , or even being around her because you knew that was taking too much of you . What happened to that plan ? " " I gave in . Because I still care . " " You 'd still be caring both ways . . Just with your original plan you weren 't being so vulnerable . . " " So what do I do ? " " You wait . You can love her all you want but I know it hurts not feeling loved back . You wait until she 's ready to love you by more than just saying it . " It 's so selfish of me to ask you to pay attention to us when you need to pay attention to you more than anything else . I 'm lying if I say I don 't want you to be a part of my life anymore . Because at the end of the night , I still love you . When I don 't want to be anywhere else , I still want to be with you . No matter how upset I get with the things you do , it doesn 't make me hate you . There is a lot of hurt in our relationship , yeah . But there 's so much more between all of that . I can 't make myself stop wanting this . I can 't tell myself to keep going and not look back , and actually do it . I can 't push myself away from what I feel . I don 't know what will happen , if everything will happen all over again , or where we 'll end up . But it doesn 't matter right now . Molli said to me , " No one can prepare themselves to fall in love , and you can 't prepare yourself for what happens when you fall out . " It 's the in between part we have to enjoy . Not where it ends up . Because it will end up the way it 's meant to end up . And there is no reason to back away from something that you strongly believe and know you need . . I love you . And I 'll be here for you as whatever you need me to be . . Whether we 're together , or if I 'm just there as your friend . I 'll always listen , and I 'll always help . And if we both decide that I do need to move on , it doesn 't mean I have to walk away . That 's not the only way to move on . And if we 're ever apart , it doesn 't mean we can 't still love . I 'll do whatever it takes for you to love yourself . Even if that means you not loving me anymore . Tonight is one of the reasons that I know that we are both ready to get out of this town . You need to escape this more than anything . And no , I don 't want to leave to escape anything , but what thing that we do have that 's mutual about our wants for leaving Eugene is because we both want to feel something new . I can 't even remember the number of times I 've sat on the phone with you while your mom is screaming in the background . You 'll set down the phone and I just hear it continuing . She always comes in when we 're in the middle of talking about something good . Which seems to be her pattern of doing things , coming into the middle of good things to ruin whatever she can . I hate her for the things she says to you so much . There have been so many times where I want to hang up on you just so I can call her and yell out the things I was holding in the whole time listening to you two fight . This has always been a usual things for us , having to laugh off everything she 's saying . Things that could hurt us so bad , but we chose to ignore . Her saying , " I 'll call Michaels dad and tell him what your father 's doing to me . He 'll listen . I 'll tell him what he did to Michael 's mother . " That 's one thing I hate her for so much . It 's either , " I know what happened to Michaels mother . " Or it 's , " I know what Michaels mother did to them . " and then she yells , " She left them . " The worst thing anybody could ever say to me is something about my mom . You don 't touch that . It 's not your fault she says all of these things , and you don 't have to feel guilty for it . Nothing she said tonight made sense what so ever . And I hope that those things , the ridiculous things she said tonight do not eat away at you . And I hope you know that nights like tonight , when you 're in your room reading , and she 's screaming and crying and throwing things downstairs , telling you about ending her life , you can always call me and I 'll grab my car keys and be right out the door to pick you up in my car with the heater on and music playing , and a blanket for you in the froPosted by I miss the way I felt when I first started loving you . When that 's all that I felt . And there was nothing else . It 's weird thinking back on it , how separated we were forced apart . And how bad we wanted to break it . I would be so excited to get home to call you , just to hear your voice . I wouldn 't sleep because I didn 't ever want to hang up the phone . I remember nights when Erick would drive me to your house and we 'd park outside and wait in the car for an hour until you could sneak out . And how excited I was to be in the back seat with you . It was so unreal when I could actually see you . I felt so many things at once . Everything was brand new . After we 'd drop you off , Erick would drive me home , and the whole way back I 'd talk about you . I couldn 't stop . The next few weeks , when I couldn 't see you , I was still so happy from just one night of being able to see you . And you never left my mind . I loved sneaking you into my house . I remember the first time I asked you out . . Erick was asleep on the couch across from us in my room , and we were laying in my bed . I 'd wake you up to a kiss , and then when you would fall back asleep I 'd just pretend to . The whole time I was so nervous to ask you . When I woke you up again , and said it , you said " Yes . . " and we laughed quietly and you said , " Finally . " And then we fell back asleep and I couldn 't stop smiling . When you left that night , I couldn 't fall back asleep . I felt so alive . There was a feeling rushing through my veins that I had never felt before and I never wanted it to stop . Good morning , I can 't make myself get out of bed . " You know when you 'd always correct me when I 'd say she 's not the right girl for you ? And you 'd say she was ? The right girl for you is someone who will love you just as much as you love her and want to be with you just as much as you want to be with her . That is who is right for you . " " But nobody knows who 's right for me or who isn 't , except for me . To me , she is the right one for me , I 'm just not the right one for her . And I know that should change everything but it doesn 't . I love her more than she loves me . What I feel with her is exactly spot on what I always wanted to feel with someone , and that 's all that matters to me . All the messy parts don 't make her any less right for me . I wish she wanted what I want . I don 't know how to move on from her , but I think that telling myself that I need to is a really good first step . That 's one thing that I 've never done . " I don 't want to feel like this . I don 't want to have to let go . I feel useless , I feel stupid , ugly , and alone . Tonight I realized that no , I don 't want to move on from you . But I need to move on from you . And tonight is when I start . Tonight is the last night that I come across you flirting with other boys and get upset about it . You will never have enough male attention , even when you have me . You go from telling somebody the sweetest thing I have ever said to you , to telling them how good looking they are . You don 't love me . You don 't want the same things that I do . Pushing things away , or holding off on things was the only way I knew how to keep you around . Otherwise , I don 't know how . I am constantly on edge . I 'm always afraid . It 's always me that has to bring us back together . Tonight was the last time that I 'll call and hear your answering machine . The last time I ask you if I can come see you . I am destroying myself , and the respect I have for myself . I 'm not weak , I do know how to leave , but I 've waited because I thought I didn 't need to . I thought you would listen to the things I needed you to do , or stop doing , but you don 't , and I really don 't think you ever will . I 've put up with that for too long , I 've let you be selfish for too long . Maybe this time I should of said something , but I 've said it enough and I really don 't know what else to say or do . You say how much you loved yourself back when you were confident . What happens when you get that back ? That 's when I 'm not in the picture anymore , and every other guy is . When you get your phone , that 's when your inbox will be filling up with boys who can win your heart by calling you cute . I loved you . I do love you . When we started talking two summers ago , before I even saw you I loved who you were . I never once stopped . I don 't know how to stop . I don 't know when I 'll stop . I never gave up on you after all the times you gave up on me . What 's so hard is that even though you put so much fear into me , when I 'm with you , it 's all gone . And not only do I not fear you , but I fear nothing at all . Every single thing felt right . You felt so right . And I really am scared tPosted by When I looked around at all the people surrounding the candle lit table at dinner tonight , I wished my mom was sitting next to me . And I wish she didn 't cry every holiday . I wish it was more than just a phone call that brought us together on days like this , but I am thankful . When I looked across the table and saw Susan and my Dad holding hands and laughing , and drinking their wine , I thought about how happy I am that my dad isn 't alone anymore . I thought about the times when me and my brothers would go out on weekend nights and we 'd come home to him asleep on the couch in the living room , alone . With popcorn next to him and the main menu of a movie replaying over and over on the screen . Even when he was so alone , he still tried to make himself happy , on his own . And I thought about all of the women he dated that ended up leaving him , and how much it hurt him each time . When I looked at him and Susan I was so happy that he is finally exactly where he wants to be . I thought about how I call them my parents . And how they are parents to me . Even if nobody can ever take my moms place . And that my relationship with my mom is still so strong and kept together no matter how big the distance is between us . I looked at David and thought about how nice it is to see him smile . How great it is to be with him when he 's in between his pain , and feeling okay . And how all of the text messages in my phone were from him . How when we all lived together at the old house , I really felt like I didn 't know him at all , and now we 're so close . When we were in the basement , I didn 't mind that I wasn 't added into the conversation . I just wanted to listen . Matthew was so interested in all the things David had to say , and all the things he had to show him . And it was nice for David to be able to just talk to somebody about things . To feel something new . And to know that there 's still people there that love him , no matter what . And even though it scares me that I don 't know what he 's going to do next , or how he talks about going into the army , Posted by I keep taking things . . with out taking them in . Justin came into town again this weekend . And it made me realize that every time I go to pick him up and bring him here , it 's because each time I 'm hoping it will feel somewhat like it used to . Our silence is weird . I hate it , but at the same time love the fact that it 's not uncomfortable at all when it 's so quiet that I can hear the rain falling on my car window . What we did wasn 't what I would of planned . We were never combined with each others friend groups . It was always just us . Now we have to be around other people to have fun . We never needed that before . I didn 't want him to meet my friends , because he really doesn 't know how to be social with anyone anymore , and none of them would understand him . I didn 't want to smoke with him , because when he 's high he 's even more quiet . I didn 't want to take him to a party where every ones dressed up , and he 's in basketball shorts and this plain white polo with a big coat on . Where all the people who saw him would laugh and say how random he is . Where when he asks for a drink , girls start yelling at him , " Get your own fucking alcohol . " He 'd just stand there . And stare . And at one point I looked over at him , he was standing alone by the table watching a bunch of drunk people playing beer pong . I made eye contact with his red eyes and felt . . alone . This wasn 't what was great about our friendship . You can 't pull somebody into those things after years of not seeing them , and expect it to feel the same . All of that , he 's used to . That 's all he has in his town . I want to pull him into something different . But that 's not what he wanted , this was what he wanted . And I just wanted him to have fun . I wanted him to talk . When we 'd be sitting in my room , or driving nowhere with redbulls in the cup holders , I was okay . This isn 't the way I wanted to bring our friendship back to life . If I followed what I really wanted to do , I would of invited him to my house , I would of made food , and put Family Guy on the big screen TV downstairs . IPosted by I 'm just feeling a lot of different things . I probably let unreplied text messages bother me too much , but I really miss my friends . I hate that I 'm always asking to see them and that they never want to . I keep thinking about this town , and the people here , and I keep thinking about me leaving it . It 's scary , but that 's the option that stands out the most to me . And for a while I was thinking , it 's too early to feel this . To worry about this . But now I 'm feeling like it 's too late . Like I 've waited too long to make a decision , and everybody else already has their plan figured out . One thing I 've never liked about myself , and my life , is how planned out it is . I 've always wanted to be suprised with where I end up or what I end up doing , but usually I know exaclty what I 'm doing , and know what I 'm going to do next . When I shut one door , I know which one I 'll open . But this is all so different . I don 't know with this one . It 's hard to tell what I want because I 'm not going by what I want , but what I want with eveybody else . I want to stay here because there 's people I love , and people I 've been with my whole life here . Because this city has been my whole life . I want to leave because I feel like if I stay , it 'll get the best of me . If I stay , I 'm staying because of fear . Right now , I feel like there 's a lot that 's holding me down from growing and I want to break free from it all . I want to leave because people that were supposed to be with me the rest of my life are leaving too . People I want to be there for the rest of my life . Eugene holds so many things that I love . And just talking about any of this is really hard for me . Even thinking about it . It 's such a scary feeling , feeling like everything that you know is coming to an end . Like everything is wrapping up . It 's so hard knowing that no matter where I go , no matter where I stay , I will be losing the things that mean the most to me either way . And the worst part , that this is my last year being young . . . this young . . and I don 't even know how to enjoy it anymorePosted by " I feel like you only love me when you feel alone " " What do you mean ? " " Like when you 're in portland and you have all your friends , and you 're having fun , you don 't need me . It 's when you get back home , and you feel alone , that 's when you need me . That 's when you love me . " " That 's not the only time I feel alone . . " Over the summer at my Aunt Kris ' house in Washington , my mom saw me writing in here . She says , " What is that ? What are you typing ? " I explained to her what this is , and what it means to me . I told her that I 've been writing in here since the beginning of high school and that each post , to me , shows my growth . How I want to be able to look back and read all of this one day . I write in here because sometimes it 's easier to spell it out than it is to say to anybody else . I write in here because it helps myself . And she said , " I wish I could read it . I wish I could know what 's been going through your mind for all the years that I 've missed out on . " Tonight I sealed a huge folder envelope filled with every page written on here , up to today , and tomorrow I 'm mailing it to her . Because sometimes phone calls just don 't say enough . I kept chcking my phone over and over during work and then realized how fast I jumped back . I 'm wondering why did I say I 'm great when you asked how I was ? I 'm wondering why I 'm even replying , so easily . Wondering how many other guys you 're texting right now . If that means anything to you . If I 'm worrying over something that doesn 't even involve me . If I 'm just worrying too much . I really wish you knew how it felt to be this weak . I 'm not saying you haven 't felt weak before , but this is such a different kind . Because love has all control over me . It 's what really takes the wheel . I have never seeked revenge on you . You have never seen my terrible sides that I 've brought out on people that screwed me over before . Tonight Jimmy pointed out how easily I drop people out of my life . And it hurt that he pointed that out . Because sometimes I feel like it 's been a strength for me , but then I think about all of the feelings that come along with it . And how even though it 's always for the best , how hard it is to walk away from . Because even when you let somebody go , they 're still there . I was thinking , why can I let go of everyone else , but not you ? Why is it that even when I 'm so angry towards you , I still love you . I don 't want to think anymore . I just want to sleep . There is no way avoiding pain . It will always follow us . It will show up in places we never expected , and it will stay with us until we find a way to burry it . It 's impossible to throw away love . And it 's even harder to let go of something that you feel hasn 't even begun . When you know there was so much more left , and when you know without completing all of those things , you won 't be complete yourself . No matter how much I try to distract my mind , with people , with money , with alcohol , blocking it out , and pushing it away . You 're still always are there . And I 'm thinking , why do I keep trying to run away ? I want you so bad , and it hurts so much . Because tonight isn 't the same as it was last week . Tonight I think about how you say you do still love me , and I think about how I can have this back . And now I 'm thinking about me , for once , about me . And I 'm looking at what I want vs . what I need , and that 's so hard . It is so hard to seperate the two and following what 's right . Sometimes I think , fuck what 's right , I think , why should you ever go against your wants ? Blocking out what everybody advises me to do , because people keep forgetting I still love her . Even if it 's wrong . Even if I shouldn 't . I start thinking . . let me do this , one more time . Let me do it right this time . I want to drop my fear . I want to feel something different than this . I want you back . And I want me back . My whole weekend I looked for ways to get you off of my mind , but really ended up doing the complete opposite . I even ended up talking about you with people I didn 't even know . And it hurt because no matter how many times I tried to distract myself , you would always show up again . I could not outrun you . Your phone call was the hardest part of my night . And I know you 're sorry , but I won 't forget the way I felt hearing you laughing in the background while all those other guys were talking on the phone . At that second , I did not know you at all . I went through days wanting just to hear your voice , one time , and through that phone call it was different . The tone of your voice and everything . It was a side of you that I had never seen come out . I was outside of the party , and at that point I just wanted to turn around . When we got in , it was the last place I wanted to be . I kept picturing you with them . It made me feel sick . Just for one night , I wanted to enjoy myself , and fall asleep with out you on my mind . Only thinking about things that made me feel better . I know you 've always been impulsive . But I hope you really do learn to put some control on that . I hope you really do realize that you do not have to hurt me to move on from me . You don 't have to hate me first . And I promise , I won 't play this game back . You don 't have to be afraid . I know pain is a natural part of this whole process , but the kind that 's created is not . " If it wasn 't for my boyfriend , I 'd still have all of my friends . " We left because of you . And I hope one day you learn to stop passing the blame over onto everyone else . I feel sorry for you , because I know you want your friends again more than anything . I should of never talked to you again . Because I know it completely messed with your heart . I do miss the fun we used to have together , so much . But I liked the things we did , and the places we went , all the things that made me happy , more than the base of our friendship itself . It was good . It was really good for a long time . But I know better . I know that anybody that can 't feel love for themselves isn 't going to be able to be the friend I need them to be . You drove me into hate , too . And it was ruining so many things around me . It 's hard because , I don 't want to be your friend , and you 're trying so hard to make it like it used to be . Every day that I 've re spent with you , the only words that came out of your mouth were negativity towards people that really care about you . And it wrapped me back to the beginning . . You never appreciated the things you had . I hope you will let yourself hate me . Because I won 't be the friend you want me to be , not again . I don 't have any desire for it back . It 's hard seeing the excitement in you when we 're all around . Last night I knew how hard it was for you . I can say in your position , I wouldn 't be able to handle it . And I couldn 't believe the things they were saying to you . It 's hard seeing you cry , and knowing how unhappy you are . If you think it 's cruel that I push you away , when you need the opposite so badly , you have to remember I still have feelings . I am not heartless . Maybe this is a perfect time for you to for once , take care of yourself . Now that there 's nobody else to worry about . I do have hope for you , and really , I do hope for the best . I want to see you happy . Last night , when you were in the same room as emilee I hope you saw it as a perfect chance to put everything that happened with her in the past . You have sPosted by ' I cannot go to the ocean , I cannot drive the streets at night , I cannot wake up in the morning with out you on my mind . So you 're gone , and I 'm haunted . And I bet that you 're just fine . Did I make it that easy to walk in and out of my life ? ' Cammisha stayed at my house last night . And she listened to me . And for a while we sat in silence , because there wasn 't much to say , but she was there . And I 'm just happy about that . She fell asleep long before me . I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling , thinking . It made things a little easier when I woke up this morning to see my best friend across the room sleeping on the couch . In the morning we drove to school and it was silent . The whole time . When I was walking to class , she texted me . " Last night I had a dream that we were at a bank and every man in front of us looked sketchy , looked like a robber , and we kept getting tense , and nervous , but each one would receive their money , and then walk away quietly . As we approached the counter the man who was standing behind us who looked completely normal , one we never were scared of . he pulled out a gun . we ducked down in front of him . In front of the counter . As he proceeded to rob the bank . Out of the whole group of people , the one we least expected to rob us , was the one who did . " She said , " It 's weird finding messages in our dreams . It feels like our unconscious mind can completely spell out what our awake mind is trying to say . " Last night before a couple hours of tossing and turning . I read over our message one more time , and I fell asleep feeling better . Waking up was the hard part . Going through today was the hard part . But I keep fighting to remember that it 's okay to feel like this . I don 't have to pretend I 'm okay . I don 't have to push this away , at all . Because it 's real , and it happened . " I just want to know how do you let go of something you don 't want to let go of , something that you thought you 've always known . " " Why do you feel like you need to let go ? " " Because I don 't think I get it back this time . I don 't think I can go back anymore . " " there are a lot of questions I could ask , like if you love her , and if you feel like you need her . . . or if you feel like part of your happiness depends on her being around . it just depends . If you really feel like you need to let go , then do it . it 's not about knowing how , it 's about making a conscious decision to do it . a lot of people skip that step . " " It 's really hard . Because I feel everything you described . I do feel like I need her . It hurts because she said " there 's no reason for falling out of love , it just happens " She destroyed us , and I feel like next she will destroy me . And I 'm all I have left . " " michael , you 're allowed to love her without being around her . it 's just a different kind of love . love what you had and what could possibly come . keep positive thoughts . that really is so important . . . because the more you look at it as a bad thing , the more it will hurt , and harder it will be to move on . as important as I believe love is . . . the love for yourself is far more important . love yourself and let go if you really feel like it 's what you need to do . take care of you right now . " And what helped me the most . . " do not be afraid of feeling lost or confused or scared . because if you work it out in the end , it will only make it better . but , . . . Never be afraid of the things you love . " " I 'm about to write you a meaningful letter to you , so when you 're reading this , set your phone aside and enter a quiet room . . Let me list some of the things I love about you . I love how you randomly hug me throughout the day . We always act as if we haven 't seen each other in a long time , when really it 's only been a few days at the most . I love your smile . I love when you look me in the eyes . I even love the way you walk . There 's something special and unique about everything you do . I love how sometimes when we kiss , you 'll put your thumbs through the belt loops of my pants to pull me closer . My favorite nights of the summer are the ones spent with you , doing things like eating Arbys , going to Blockbuster , and ending the night in bed talking . I love who and how I am around you . I even notice a difference in my laugh whenever I 'm with you . I love how the smallest things you do can bring me comfort , or make me want to lean over and kiss you . Like , when we 're holding hands , and you 'll lightly move your thumb over my hand . I may sound like a creep , but it 's the little things like that , that I notice most . I can 't even imagine you doing all the things you do with me , with another girl . This may sound selfish , but I never want you to feel the way you do about me for anyone else . I know that I could never feel this way about anyone but you . Each and every time I see you , I fall more in love with you . I 'm in love with you and all the things you do . That one night when we were in my backyard with Jimmy and Pj , we ended up talking about who we 'd end up marrying and I said , " I really wonder who I 'll be married to later on . " I secretly wanted you to get sad about that , or elbow me and hint towards how you wanted us to stay together in the future . During all that time , I could honestly picture our lives together , staying together . Love , Stephanie " What hurts is when I was there with you , you weren 't happy , and when she comes back in , you are . I can 't help but point it all towards myself . I was there with you through the lonely nights and I feel like you forgot that . I know , you wanted it back more than anything . But why is it that whatever she does or says can bring you up so much more than what I say or do ? And why is it even when you are happy , I still feel like you 're looking for the next best thing ? Sometimes it doesn 't take much to flip everything right side up again . We just have to wait . Last night I talked to my friends that I thought didn 't want me around anymore , I woke up next to Stephanie . Laying together , showing each other songs . I came home with Cammisha to my dad making us hot chocolate . I 'm ending it in my room , reading . And I guess sometimes , I don 't feel alright until I know what 's coming up . Until I know what 's in front of me . I 'm going to be okay . This year isn 't going to stay like this . I 'm falling into better times . " Wake up , It 's eleven " " I just wanted to sleep in this morning , I don 't get to anymore . " " Get up . Maybe you shouldn 't of been out all night last night . " " Dad . . I came home at 11 . Are you serious ? I came into your room and said I was here and you mumbled back lock the door , two times . " " I don 't remember that at all . . " " Of course you don 't . You were half asleep . But before I left I said goodnight again . " " Mhm . . " " Do you think I 'm lying ? " " Yeah I think you 're lying . What else would you do ? " " What ? Dad , who would I be out all night with ? I don 't have anybody to be out all night with . " " You were probably at Stephanies . And I know her dad wouldn 't approve . " " I wasn 't , dad . " " You have a serious problem with telling the truth . " " And you have trust issues . " " No , just with you . Maybe if you got up your grades , and showed up on time at night . Maybe if you cleaned your room when I tell you to . " " Why is it that you still yell at me about my room , even when it 's clean ? Doesn 't that say something . " " What 's your plan when you 're 18 ? Obviously you don 't plan on graduating . But what else ? " " Thanks dad . Stop there . Don 't talk to me . " " I hope you plan on moving out . Since you 're 18 , I don 't have to keep you here . And I don 't want you here . Our lives would be a whole lot easier with out each other . I 'd start saving to get away from me . Maybe when your moved out , you can prove to me that I can trust you . " " Don 't even try for my trust . Don 't trust me , dad . If I 'm exactly what you say I am , all I 'll do is lie to you , let you down , and make you dissapointed everytime you say I 'm your son . Your life probably would be easier with out me . I can 't say the same . I hate you for doubting me with everything I do . " " And I hate you for giving me reason to . " I left . And came back to money on my bed . Thanks . . I don 't look forward to my weekends . I dread them . It 's just three days in a row to make me hate everything just a little bit more . Everyone panics to find something to do , and someone to be with . Anything to keep them away from being by themselves . Like me . Sitting in my room , and waiting for my phone to go off . But I guess this is easier . I was excited to get off work tonight . But when I asked where you were you said , " I have no idea . " And I knew asking you any further questions would be a waste of time . Everyone else didn 't respond to my texts , or answer my calls . Everybody is the the middle of their nights when I 'm just trying to start mine . It 's been really hard for me . Tonight while working Jimmy looked at the tip bucket and it was overflowing . He goes , " See . This is why were here . " and I go , " But I want to be with my friends . " and he says , " I 'd rather have clothes than friends . " And then he laughed . And I know he didn 't mean it . But Jimmy really doesn 't see his other friends anymore . And I don 't either . We work together all night , go get food , and then go home usually . It 's hard because this year , for once , everybody has left me . And everyone says , " They obviously just weren 't good friends then . " But that 's not true . They keep moving , and I haven 't been in the picture . I have been missing out and it is nobodies problem but mine . It is okay to be alone . It 's okay to feel like this . To be depressed . It 's hard to feel like everyone else in your life is miles ahead of you . It 's hard feel the loss of things you really loved , or to question if you really loved it . It 's hard retracing tracks , and going over what has gone wrong . It 's hard saying yes . And it 's hard saying no . It 's easy to be alone . I just want an answer for why you talk to all of these guys that you don 't even know . Why you get enjoyment out of leading them on and then telling me to not worry . And how do you not notice it , when you 're doing it ? I don 't talk to girls that I don 't know the way that you do . Even when " It 's just cause I 'm bored . " I don 't give out my number . I don 't tell them to text me . Yeah , I know , nothing would happen . . I know you 're not going to fall in love with every boy you speak to . But why should I even have to get jealous of it in the first place ? Why is it that you get " Bored " so often . And why is it that I have to worry about the things they say to you ? It 's weird staying put in a place like this . It 's like , I feel like I can 't get any lower , but I can . I know I can . And it 's strange , because when you lose everyone , you end up with people that you 'd never expect . Sometimes you wind up in places that are usually the last place you 'd ever want to be again . You 're speaking with people that you walked away from . You settle for things that you promised yourself that you would never go back to . And you feel weak . And know that you look weak . But it 's all you have . I don 't have anything to hold onto . At least it doesn 't feel like it anymore . Everything I love has backed away from me . I have never felt so alone . I don 't know who to look to help bring me back up . I don 't really know how to bring myself back up . I don 't want to take a break . I want to come see her at the end of a shitty day . And tell her all about it . Because really , I don 't know who else to tell . And she has always listened . I don 't see it in the same way . To me when you 're going through a hard time , you don 't push away the people you love , you pull them closer . You let them see you at your worst stages . I know I just won 't see her temporarily , and I know I should be used to that . But this is when I needed her the most . I thought she needed me too . I don 't want to edit out the sad parts . I want you here . One thing I try to avoid ever feeling is insecurity . Most of the time , I love myself exactly the way I am . I do care about looking good . And I do it for myself only . Everything I buy , everything I wear , is because it 's what I like . I 've grown and I 've fixed the things I 've always wanted to change , and learned to love the things that I can 't change . I try to remember , there is no such thing as ugly . My mom was on a lot of medication for her migraines after she had my two brothers . I was not a planned baby . It was actually really rare that I was born in the first place . Technically , she was in a place where having a child was a very little chance . When she found out she was having me , she had to go through genetic therapy , or birth therapy . She became dependent on the medication the doctors put her on and when she found out she was pregnant , she had to be taken off of all of the medications at once and left with the pain . But still , she was pregnant with me , and the medication was taken before she even knew I existed . They told her I was going to be born with birth defects . Which is why the therapy was needed in the first place . They said there was a high chance I was going to be born without a jaw bone and with out arms below the elbows . Or , just no elbows . When I was born , the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck and they were fighting to keep my alive . My mom said it was the scariest feeling in the world not knowing if I would make it or not . I was born with a perfect face . Jaw bone , and all . Of course , she knew that before , from the ex rays . But she said when she saw me , she knew I was such a miracle baby . I am grateful for the way I turned out . And for the fact that I 'm alive . I don 't feel insecurity anymore because I know that I am meant to be here and that I am meant to be this way . I 'm happy to have a mother that loves me , and that I know how to love myself . This weekend Justin came into town . I spent my summer staying on the go , and staying busy , and pressing " Ignore " every single time he called . And not because I didn 't want to talk to him . I did . . Because he 's my best friend . But I was scared . We both moved at the exact same time , from the same neighborhood . He moved to Cottage Grove . I moved to Coburg . And from freshman year until now we had only seen each other one time . At one point I decided I was ready to put mine and his friendship in the past . I felt like I spent too many years wanting it back . I answered his call this time . And he said he was staying at his Aunt Hollys . Their house used to be mine , too . In a way . I was always there . Or he was always at mine . It was rare that we ever had a day apart . Everyone knew we were best friends . And it always shocked everyone , because of how " opposite " we are . Even though we completely balanced each other out . I didn 't hesitate on saying yes to coming over . But I did pull over just to gather my strength to keep pushing on my gas peddle to get to his house . And I kept thinking , " Why is this so hard for me ? . . " I was scared of what it was going to be like . I was scared because whenever we 'd text , I never even understood what he was saying . I didn 't know what he was like now . He doesn 't know what I 'm like now . We walked to the park . One we used to always go to when we were younger . He told me about the place he was sent , for troubled teens . And I asked why he was sent there . " Get this . I was beat up . Really bad . They slammed my head into a fucking pole . " I had noticed the scar tissue on his face that went deep into his cut right above his eye . " And after that , I started to feel crazy . I thought for some reason everyone was reconstructing their faces over the summer before they went back to school and felt like I had to reconstruct mine . " . . . " And then I didn 't think my mom was my mom . " " Justin . . why . . " " I don 't know ! I thought it was somebody else in her body . She was saying things all weird , and shit . I told her to get out Posted by Tonight I worked my last shift with her before she leaves for California . The whole way home I cried . She 's one of the only people I 've ever met that genuinely cares about somebody before she even knows them . For this first month of my senior year , I sometimes felt like she was my only best friend I would talk to at the end of my day . She was who I spent my weekend nights with from four until ten . She made me feel important when I told her things that everyone else would see as unimportant . She really rubs off on people . She really gets people attached . I 'd see her friends , or people that know her , come into the restaurant all the time , and they 'd be talking with her , and laughing , and she always knew what to say . She always was good with anything on the spot , and then she 'd get busy , and have to walk away and they 'd still be there and you could see that they just wanted to her to come right back . She taught me to drop things that shouldn 't stay in my head too long . She made me laugh my real laugh . I learned a lot about people and myself because of her . She has changed me in so many ways . It 's hard letting go . Especially with people like Katrina . She will always be such a big part of me . It 's really hard having nothing to look forward to when the week is over . I 'm really lonely lately . I don 't talk to a lot of my friends . Some of them won 't even acknowledge me . I guess by this point in high school , all the ones that weren 't meant to last , fall off . And you 're with a couple close ones that were always meant to be there . I know that 's how I 've always been told it works . But I miss my friends making plans with me . Nobody has asked me to do anything for basically the majority of September . Probably because they figure I 'll be busy with work anyway . I am happy with the people I have in my life . No doubt about it . It 's just hard seeing how everyones senior year already seems so great . Today I came home for half of second period and lunch because I didn 't know who else I 'd go with . Bryant has no classes so he 's never at school . And the class we do have together , he won 't talk to me , since he 's with Justin . Sydney and I are weird lately . I need to share Cammisha with her friends . We work together and she might be soon living with me too . We 're always together . She 's one friend that I never have to worry about spending too little of time with or too much . Because no matter what , she will always be the best friend I have ever had and ever will have . I didn 't even want to bother texting other people that I could think of , so I just left . This is supposed to be the best year of high school . And I just can 't seem to find any type of thrills . The feeling of standing by my car saying goodbye is a very familiar and difficult feeling to feel . I remember one night , maybe it was the last night of summer , I know for sure it was close to the end . We were standing in the middle of the street in front of your house . You barefoot . And me with my keys in my hand . I said , " When September comes around are things gonna go back to . . " You interrupted and said , " No . " And then I get in my car , and I drive away . And I knew that tomorrow I 'll see you again . But tonight was different . Everything around me was blocked out . It was just me and you . And the concept of time was questioned . It was freezing out . But I couldn 't even pay attention to my senses . I tried spilling out everything that I needed to say to you . I rehearsed it in my head over and over while I was at work . And it felt like I only had one time to say it . I don 't know how to be forced away from you , again . I wish that I could make an impact on you 're decisions , just this once . But then I started to feel like everyone else around you trying to guide the way they want you to go . So I stopped . And I tried my hardest to see the way you do . And I wanted to help . I hope I helped . Just promise me that tomorrow when you wake up , and my optimistic words start to seem so unrealistic , that you 'll remember that you have to push your self through it . Prove it to yourself . You 're stronger than you think . And remember , you 're doing this for you . And nobody else . ' I 'm heaven sent , don 't you dare forget . I am all you 've ever wanted , what all the other boys all promised . Sorry I told . I just needed you to know . I think in decimals and dollars . I am the cause to all your problems , shelter from cold . We 're never alone . Coordinate brain to mouth . Then ask me what 's it like to have myself so figured out . I wish I knew . We 're concentrating on falling apart . We were contenders , we 're throwing the fight . But I just wanna believe , I just wanna believe , I just wanna believe , in usThis is the grace that only we can bestow . This is the price you pay for loss of control . This is the break in the bend , this is the closest of calls . This is the reason your alone , this is the rise and the fall . I just wanna believe , I just wanna believe , I just wanna believe , in us ' I completely risked my social life tonight for reasons that I can 't say . But reasons that nobody will ever find out . Reasons that would of turned a house full of people against me . I 'm good at hiding things , I 'll give myself that , I hide it with smiles and laughs , even when in the most uncomfortable and scary situations . Faking things is becoming surprisingly easier as the years add up . And I think that 's a good thing . We all have to do it every once in a while to save ourselves . We will be the only two that really know what I did . And I 'm glad you told me not to worry about it . I 'm not anymore . I ended up having one of the best times I 've had in a long time . I was with people I never see anymore , people that I 've really missed . and everything was exactly the same as it 's always been . It 's funny how when things end with people , it 's not always clear how the other person feels . It 's weird looking back and talking about how I was always the first one to leave . Or not remembering what even happened that separated me from them in the first place . But people like Cameron , Nick , Andrew , and Rayven never let things come between . And really , they haven 't changed a bit ever since I 've been away from them . I love new beginnings . And what I love even more , is old friends becoming new friends . Showing up at Jacobs house tonight was the last thing I expected myself to do . It was just a bunch of people that I don 't care to know , or people that know me very well but can 't even give a smile in return . It probably doesn 't help that I came with people that I don 't trust . I didn 't see why I even said I 'd go . I didn 't want to be with them . He walked up to us and said , " Are you guys having fun ? This is my party . You guys are at my party . " He walked over to the bar table he has in his upstairs living room and I remembered the time when he threw a pillow at me and it missed and hit and broke his dads bottle of tequila instead . I remembered how awful that night turned out . How much his dad cared about a bottle of tequila over his words he threw at his son . I pushed him through that night . I looked into his room and saw the small doors that opened into his attic and remembered the time when we smoked in there after stumbling home from some girl Danas house . Everything got really weird . I started feeling weird being in his house again but not talking to him . And seeing him with all of his new friends that " run our senior class . " I pushed my way through all of them . I walked three floors down , each floor , remembering something else . I put on my shoes , grabbed my keys , and left . And I was thinking , " Maybe that was the last time I 'll ever be in that house again . " " When do you get off ? " " I 'll be here until 10 : 30 " " Are there any parties going on tonight ? " " A couple " " Do you think you could ask your brother to get alcohol and I 'll go pick it up ? " " Nah , he won 't . And I don 't want to ask " " K guess I 'm just going home tonight then , there 's nothing else to do " " Really ? Nothing else ? What are you doing tomorrow night ? Lets hang out " " Nicks party for his 18th birthday , are you going ? " " No I wasn 't invited , we don 't talk anymore . We plan to hang out , but really it never happens " And then it 's 10 : 30 . And I 'm off . " Where are you ? What are you doing ? " " Going to Jonathons party , are you off ? you should come " " I don 't wanna show up alone , I think I 'll pass " The conversations dropped , I switch to someone else . " What are you doing ? Are we still hanging out tonight ? " " We 're going to smoke with Alex . You should come " " I don 't know Alex . I think I 'll pass . . " None of my friends can come up with anything else to do , but when I think about it , if we were doing anything else it would end up being one of those nights where we all call it a night and go home . I had a half an hour between the time I got out of school and the time I started working to relax . All through out my shift I kept thinking about what I wanted to do tonight . I 'm now sitting at home on my bed , counting my tips , and eating food . I 'm really used to being alone lately . I 'm used to being let down with my plans that I make . I just wish for once someone told me what the plan is . I want to be picked up , and taken wherever . I don 't want yes or no options anymore . Tonight at work Katrina told me about how life changing her first year on her own was . How that 's when you learn the most through experiences , partying , part time jobs , you draw some conclusions and for once start to have your mind set on what you want . In a way , I 'm excited to cut myself free from all of the things I 'm tied on to in this town . It 's scary . I 'm scared . But I mean , that 's really when I start my life . I watch her . And she 's living how I picture myself in about a year . That 's what scares me the most . Just one more year . When I walked in the door tonight my dad was in his room , I went in and said goodnight . He asked how my day was and I said " I 'll tell you about it tomorrow . " Just a minute ago he came and knocked on my door and asked if everything was alright . I said yes and then asked why . He said , " Because , you said you 'd tell me about everything tomorrow . I just wanted to make sure that every thing 's alright . " Every thing is alright . I just simply wanted to tell him about the details of my day . I said , " Yeah , I 'm fine . It 's all good . Don 't worry . " and he said , " Okay , good . Now I can sleep . I love you . " I gave an I love you , back . And that 's what I 'll miss if I ever leave this town . Leaving everything that I 've ever known . Leaving family . I know I 'll meet new people , I 'll make new friends . But leaving family is different . I want my dad to do things like fix my car , and help me move in . I want to have him over to my place and cook dinners for him and Susan . And then I think about myself in California . When I only see him every couple months . It 's hard to think about being away from him at all . I know it 's supposed to be something every senior in high school looks forward to , moving out , being on their own . But really , I can 't picture coming home and not seeing my dads face . As a kid , whenever we 'd play tag , there would always be a " Base . " I always included that in the rules every time I 'd play with anyone , even if they didn 't want it . It was a " Safety zone " that you could step into and stay for a couple seconds to catch your breathe and then your resume running from the one chasing you . It 's funny to think about it like this , but maybe the games we played as kids had subliminal messages . Maybe there was a lesson tied on to all of them . I have my own little safety zones , still . I have multiple . My safety zone is Stephanies house , in her dark room with her light that spins reflecting blue across the walls . Wrapped up in blankets . Whispering in each others ears . My safety zone is behind the wheel with Cammisha , when we drive past people we know , saying things they can 't hear . While we listen to our favorite songs and tell each other things no on else can know . One is my work , with unfamiliar smiling faces that watch me walk by their tables with a pitcher of water . My coworkers that mean the world to me . Ones that ask you about your day and actually do want to know about it . Ones that make you laugh until you cry . Ones that do things like group hugs . People that actually make you feel the love . These safety zones are my chances to catch my breathe . snap out of reality in a way . To regain my composure before I 'm thrown back into the game . I can 't picture life with out them . And I don 't want to . I need my safety zones , to save me for just a couple moments from the things that are chasing me down . The last time I was with my mom , was my last night visiting her in Washington . It was Cammisha , her , and I in Aunt Kris ' living room . And we were talking about my dad . I told her to tell me everything about him . Everything I didn 't know . I found out about his wife , that left him and left him with nothing . Literally nothing . A lawn chair , and a letter . And at that very moment , I gained a little more understanding towards my dads attachment . She told me about all the years I can 't remember . And about the times that she never really wanted me to remember . But what I always will remember , for the rest of my life , is that night in the living room . She began to tell me why she left . Cammisha sat in a chair across the room from us . Popcorn , and cups full of ice cream scattered across the table between us . A movie playing in the background . Our suitcases packed sitting by the doors . And that feeling in our stomachs knowing that this is our last night until we seperate into our different worlds again . A feeling that 's been familiar to me since I was six years old . It 's the hardest thing in the world for mothers to be away from their children . I know that . She wanted to be there for my first day of high school . She wanted to be there for my prom to take pictures of me before I left . To be my jury in between mine and my dads fights . To watch me grow every day . To be there for me through the empty nights . And to give me rides to friends houses when I couldn 't drive . My mom looked into my eyes and I watched them start to water up and turn red , " I did it for the best . I did it because I love you kids more than anything in this world and I knew it was what I had to do . " I started to cry . And Cammisha began to cry . She said , " I did it because I love you . Do you know that ? " She did it to save us . She did it so I wouldn 't grow any anger towards her during her worst point in her life . She did it because she didn 't want to put that on any of us . She cried and while looking down she said , " You know that I love you ? I didn 't leave becauPosted by What I 'm trying to figure out , is where to let out my anger . And how to not channel it into hate . Most of all , where this even came from in the first place . Because really , I don 't even know . And I 've already made plenty of bad impressions on people that haven 't seen me in so long . I want to learn to smile again , instead of shooting blank stares . A lot of the past few days have been such an echo . After school , all the cars flooding out of the parking lot were full of people driving with their friends . And there I was , silently in my car , on my way home to change for work . After work , a Friday night , the apartments next to my work had their windows open and music playing and a party going . It was obvious to me the night started a couple hours ago for everyone . And I was walking to my car . I drove to work on saturday and I even saw old friends drive past me in traffic in their Oregon Ducks clothing on the way to the football game . Me , driving away from them in my work outfit . I feel so tied down for a pay check that comes every fifteen days . But honeslty , it really doesn 't feel worth it . I spend it all to feel better about myself . And sometimes it really doesn 't help . I love my job . I really do . And everyone there . I just feel like I 'm growing up way too fast .
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Being a creature of habit isn 't really who I am . So , to diverge from the usual , how about putting my endnotes first ? Why not ? Dad laughed . " You sound just like I did when I was 14 , Max . I didn 't like shopping for clothes , either . But look at it this way - you 're going with me , not Mom . " I nodded and grinned . Shopping with Mom , especially for clothes , was absolute torture . Especially when I was getting something like pants . She still wanted to come into the changing booth with me ! And even if I could keep her out , there still was the embarrassment when I walked out and she wanted me to act as a model , turning around so she could see me from all sides . The worst , of course , was when she just had to check the fit , running her hands over my bottom . Right out there in the open ! Once she even slid her hand into my crotch , asking as she did so , " Is this too loose ? " The high - pitched squeal she got from me as I jerked away from her didn 't satisfy her curiosity ; she still wanted an answer . Second worst was when she 'd frown and mutter to herself , then ask me to try another pair . This could go on for hours if I 'd let it . When you 're 12 , you don 't have much choice . You bear it ; I did so without the traditional grin . I 'd grimace and bear it . Didn 't bother her a bit . She was in her shopping trance . She didn 't notice me at all . I was simply a prop . Mothers can be like that . Especially mine , who is very focused on what she does , very sure she 's right , and not terribly bothered by what I might think . She 's a surgeon , so perhaps that sort of personality is part of what makes her good at doing that . Surgeons have to be decisive and sure of themselves . Otherwise they wouldn 't last long . He picked up the car keys from the kitchen counter , so I knew he meant to go right away . I finished my milk , used a napkin to avoid any milk mustache and shrugged into my jacket . He hated to be kept waiting . He 's a businessman , the head of a company , and at work he usually has twenty - six things happening at once ; waiting for anything just slows him down . He 's not really impatient , though , just used to getting things done promptly . I really love my dad . He 's tall and very handsome , at least to me . He 's only in his early 40s and looks very distinguished . He has an air about him , a dignity ; people seem to want to listen to him , please him , do his bidding . At the same time , he 's very careful of their feelings and treats them all with respect . He told me once that if every person you meet you try to make feel important , you 'll get on famously with them . And that 's how he acts . He 's gentle and loving with me . I need that because Mom , while she has a good heart , doesn 't really have much time or patience for a boy she thinks should be standing solidly on his own two feet by now . My problem is I 'm not that boy . I 'm smart enough to be that , but I 'm riddled with insecurities . Dad started talking while we were still pulling out of the garage . " I don 't think you 've had a real suit yet , not that I can recall at least . You had a sports jacket and slacks , but not an actual suit , not that I can remember . " Dad had a way of talking to me in a way where I had to actually converse with him . With Mom , it was mostly questions , and most questions I could answer with one or two words . She 'd never caught on that that wasn 't the way to talk to me if she really wanted to know what was going on in my world . I rarely had a conversation with her , which was all for the best . She lived her life ; I lived mine . With Dad , it was much more dangerous . I had to be careful with him ; he had a way of actually learning things about me and who I was . I was a teenager . My life was none of his or her business ! Sure , I loved him , but that didn 't mean I was about to break the teenager Oath of Silence before the enemy . Still , if one of them actually found anything out , better for it to be Dad . Much better . He was an important and busy man , but he had time for me ; I felt awfully lucky I had a dad who wasn 't full of judgment and advice . Being told not to forget to brush my teeth or to take a sweater or to say thank you to the housekeeper for picking me up after school - this sort of thing made me feel like I was six . I did get advice from Dad , of course . But it wasn 't all that often , and it was given in a way that it was a suggestion , or something relating to him when he was a boy , rather than a mandate . He disguised it , which made it more palatable for me . Even then , however , I 'd act like I wasn 't listening . It 's what we teenagers do . But I heard it all . A lot of it was good stuff , too . Right here , when he said this , it was a good example of how he worked . For me to leave that statement of his just hanging there like that , after his saying ' not that I can remember ' and then remain quiet , letting those words sit there sort of naked and exposed while I blithely rode with him in silence - well , it would have been rude of me not to respond . He 's clever like that . " No , no suit , but I haven 't needed one . For anything fancy , the dark - blue blazer and gray slacks were fine . And I only wore those a few times . You never got your money 's worth . It 'll be the same here . How many times will I wear it before I outgrow it ? Once ? " He grinned at me briefly before looking back at the road . " You need it for this wedding . A proper gentleman wears a suit to a formal bash like this . You 'll certainly see kids there your age not wearing suits ; some may not even have a tie on . The suit will make a statement . That 's how we want to make statements : with manners and dress and deportment . With subtlety , not with words . " Of course this was old stuff to me , and was easy to ignore . I was more thinking about that outgrowing - it stuff . I needed a growth spurt . Desperately . I was in high school now and looked like I was 12 . But back to what I was ignoring : Mom had been making sure I knew who I was since birth . Our family was something in this town , and I was supposed to act like it , too , according to her . She came from money , old money , and still had to accept frowns from her parents that she had a profession rather than being solely a society matron . Dad had a more humble background but flourished in college , found a major that he excelled at , and five years out of college had started his own business . Now , a little over ten years later , he had more than 100 employees , and his company was hauling in over $ 50 million a year . Dad was still a very down - to - earth man . While Mom 's parents had felt she was marrying beneath herself when she married Dad , they 'd come to respect him when they saw what he was accomplishing . But they were set in their ways , and Mom still had that baggage , which she liked to try to transfer to me . She wanted me to be like her dad , aloof and pretentious and knowing I was better than anyone else . That can be a real bother when you 're growing up - and even more so at 14 . But while Mom insisted on my being seen and treated as a member of the social elite in town , Dad didn 't want me being categorized like that and tried to impress on me not to put on airs , not to think of myself as anything above anyone else . He said that was the true mark of a gentleman . Sometimes I felt like a ping - pong ball . " These should be your joyful years , Max . Everyone says high school is awful : some of our toughest times what with the trying to fit in , finding a niche , simply surviving with your personality and sense of humor intact . I know you hate advice , especially from your mom and me . Makes you think we don 't have any confidence in you . " I took a quick glance at him . How did he know that ? I never even rolled my eyes when Mom told me to stand up straighter or asked if I had my handkerchief . I had to admit , Dad was pretty smart . " And you 'll ignore this piece I 'm going to bestow on you , " he continued . " But I 'm going to throw it your way and then duck . Like a hand grenade , that 's what this advice is . " He paused a moment - I wasn 't sure why - then finished with , " It 's just this : instead of finding your niche , or trying to fit in , simply be yourself , honest and straightforward with no pretenses , no trying to be someone you 're not ; you 'll be better off for any number of reasons that you can figure out for yourself . " " Joyful ? " I said , adding just the right tinge of sarcasm . He didn 't really mind sarcasm ; Mom hated it ! I could be myself with him so much more than I could with Mom . I could even slouch . " Sure . This is the time when you can be your happiest . And I want you to be . And the best way to be happy is doing what you want , being who you are , making friends with the kids you like for the right reasons , and not being afraid . Do that , and you 'll be happy . " You could never tell with my dad . He was a smart , smart man . But he didn 't let that show much . Was that being honest and straightforward ? Well , maybe it was . He didn 't pretend to be dumb . He just didn 't let people see how smart he was . I tended to be the same way . I guess maybe a lot of boys rather unconsciously pattern themselves after their dads . I hadn 't thought about it much . " Is that what you did when you were my age ? " I asked . I 'd found the best way to divert an adult when he was in the advice - giving mode was to get them to talk about themselves . Worked like a charm . " Yeah , mostly , " he said . I loved the way he tried to talk like me , like he figured kids my age did . When they were talking to adults , he 'd never say anything like ' yeah , mostly . ' I didn 't know if he did it to bring himself to my level or he did it to show me how silly I often sounded so I 'd clean up my speech without him asking . " I was happy , I guess , " he said . " Fourteen is a hard age , but I was honest . Mostly . I know I said that was the way to be happy , and it 's true , but you do have to hide things from your parents when you 're 14 . You don 't want them to know you 're thinking about sex a lot . You don 't want them to know about your crushes , your fears , the things you 're ashamed of . So you keep a lot of secrets , and that cuts into your joy . You don 't think you can be yourself around Mom and me . That 's how it is . But you can , with me . I understand . I know what being a boy of 14 is all about . " I was sitting up really straight now . And my heart was beating faster . What was he saying ? Why was he saying it ? Well , maybe he was just talking . Remembering . Yeah , boys have secrets . All boys do . Just like I did . He pulled in to the curb in front of Jason & Sons Haberdashery . It was an upscale men 's clothing store . He shopped there . Mom had always taken me to the mall , mostly because I 'd insisted , as much as I was able with my mom . She let me have my way when I told her I 'd be a social outcast if I had to wear what she wanted me to . I guess sometimes she actually did pay attention to me . This store was downtown , and there were no hordes marching in and out of the place . It had an understated but elegant look to it . I 'd never been inside before . Dad smiled at me . I couldn 't read his eyes . Usually I could . Then he got out , so I did , too . The shop was quiet inside . No elevator music like the mall liked to pipe all over . We were the only customers there . It was still morning , midmorning on a Saturday , and perhaps they got busier in the afternoon . I saw one young man at the counter and another , older one near the back . They both nodded at Dad , then dropped their eyes and went back to doing whatever it was they were occupied with . Neither rushed to ask if their help was needed . Obviously , it wasn 't that sort of a place . Dad took me to where suits were displayed . They had a large number for men , fewer for young men , which was what I 'd have liked to be called , a somewhat different title to what I was often called by older kids at school . But this store didn 't seem to have a suit section for ' assholes ' or ' fuckwads ' , so ' young men ' worked fine . Dad asked me which suit I liked , and I looked them over , felt the cloth and realized I had no idea about how to pick a suit . What would look good on me ? I didn 't know ! I found a black one that looked like it would be about my size and Dad asked me to try it on . I took it into a dressing room . Dad stayed outside . However , he said that to be fair I needed a shirt and tie to get the whole picture , and he brought me a white shirt and a dark tie . I put everything on and came back out and stood there in front of him . It felt weird , being dressed like that , and I 'm sure I looked awkward and unnatural . In the mirror I looked like a junior undertaker , which didn 't improve my confidence any . So I took it off and we looked some more . Dad sort of gave me the idea from his expression , as I was looking at a bunch of them , which one he thought might be best , and I saw him smile while I was checking out a dark - gray one with very light - gray vertical stripes that you only could see if the light bounced off at the right angel . The cloth felt nicer than the one I 'd tried on , softer and sleeker . The suit looked too large for me , just like the one I 'd tried on , but I took it off the rack and held it against my body still on the hanger . " Good choice ! We 'll see about getting one that 'll fit you better and then having final alterations made , " he said . At that point I expected him to call to one of the clerks , but he didn 't . I was always aware of how my dad handled himself in situations with other people because I was so sucky at it . What he did both surprised me and didn 't : didn 't because he had a way about him that got him what he wanted with a minimum of fuss ; did because he hardly did anything at all . All he did was raise his eyes to glance at the older man , then look away . Almost immediately the man was standing next to us , asking , " Could I be of assistance ? " " Very good choice , sir . I 'm sure we do , but why don 't I get some measurements ? We 'll have to make some alterations in any case . Son , could you step over by the counter ? My tape is there , and I have a pad where I can write down the numbers . " His tone to me was slightly different from what it had been with my father . I 'm not sure how many other people would have heard the change ; it was that slight . But to a boy like me , one who was sensitive enough to be affected by subtleties , one who was accustomed to hearing slurs to the point where he looked for them , it was easy to hear . While this wasn 't really a slur , it also lacked the respect he 'd had for my dad , and I could only take that to mean he felt I didn 't deserve that respect . That I was just a kid , after all . I blushed . I hate that ! Hate it with a passion . It takes away your ability to pretend you didn 't hear something , which was my usual line of defense . Pretending not to notice a name , a derogatory comment , a challenge , doesn 't work well when your face , neck and ears turn bright red . The man had a cloth measuring tape , and he checked my arms , my chest , my waist . I felt like an idiot , just standing there while this man was running his tape all over my body . That didn 't help my attitude any . But I was trapped . What could I do ? Huh ? How do I dress ? What was this ? What did he want to know ? I dressed like everyone else . Underpants , socks , pants , shirts , shoes . Maybe some slight variation in the order of that , but basically that . Why was he asking me ? More humiliation ! Why was I always ending up feeling like a dim lightbulb ? While I hate blushing , I hate even more being made to feel awkward . Being made to look foolish . But here it was again , me in that position , not knowing how to answer him because what he was asking made no sense at all . He saw my confusion , because he changed his question . He didn 't change his tone , which was ever so slightly challenging , ever so slightly condescending , ever so slightly gleeful . All were so understated that if I complained , anyone listening to him would say , " Hmm . I didn 't hear that . " But I certainly did . What he asked now was , " Do you dress left or right ? " That befuddled me more than I 'd been before ! I hadn 't thought that possible . I had to say something , but whatever it would be , it would be wrong . I began to blush again . Which was when my dad stepped in . " Oops , " he said . I glanced at him . He had his phone in his hand and was looking at it . " I just got a call ; I have an appointment , and I 'd forgotten all about it ! We 're going to have to run . Sorry . Will you be here all day ? We can come back , but it 'll probably be in a couple of hours . After lunch , certainly . " The man stood up , and when he answered , it was in the same tone he 'd used originally . " Of course , sir . We can complete the measurements and fitting then . " " That 's fine . Thank you , and we 'll be back then . " Dad draped his arm over my shoulders , and we walked out . Dad didn 't say anything at all , but he had to feel that I was trembling . He simply motioned towards the car door , then went around and got in his side . This could have been awful . I was looking down in my lap when Dad closed his door . Had I embarrassed him , showing how ungraceful , how klutzy I was ? He could have paused , saying nothing . He could have started telling me all sorts of things . I was a mess , and he could have made me a lot messier . Instead . . . " Hey , I don 't have an appointment , " he said and laughed . It didn 't sound forced , either . I didn 't know how he did that . " But we needed some air . And you need an explanation . The best place to do that is in the park . Otherwise , you might feel you 're a captive audience in the car with nowhere to run if you need to escape . " He drove the short distance to the town 's large downtown park . It was pretty much deserted midmorning Saturday . Without any more talk , we walked till he found a bench , and we settled down on it . It was a lovely spring day . Probably in the mid - seventies without a breeze in sight . From where we were sitting we could see the pond where a family of ducks was looking for breakfast , ducking their heads in the water over and over . A male and female and six ducklings . It was peaceful sitting there , and I was glad for that . " I 've never told you how much you 're like how I was when I was 14 , " my dad started , not looking at me but at the ducks . " You take everything seriously , you get embarrassed easily , and you find lots of things awkward . You get that from me . I was just like that . Hated it ! " " Really . Exactly like that . I grew out of it . You will , too . It 's really frustrating being you right now . You just don 't know how to react . Like in the shop . You know what some boys would have said ? They 'd have looked at that guy and said , ' What the hell are you talking about ? ' Think about it . You know boys who 'd have reacted that way . " " So you need to find a way to stop being embarrassed . So did I . It wasn 't easy because I didn 't have much self - confidence , and neither do you . So , how do you get that ? " " I 've got a great answer for that , " I said . " It 's that I have no idea at all . If I had , I 'd already be working on it . " My dad laughed . " And believe it or not , that 's exactly what you have to do . I didn 't figure it out as quickly as you just did . I was still like you are now when I graduated from high school . I didn 't figure it out until college . " " You also said you had to work on it , and that 's what it takes . It takes learning some techniques and practicing them . Remember earlier when I was talking about honesty and straightforwardness ? That was about this , except I was being obscure . But practicing some things and being honest are the main things you have to do . " " Of course . I just told you : I used to be you . I felt the same things you 're feeling now . I was hurt by the slightest putdown . And I tried harder than anything not to let people see . But I spent years like that and can still recognize what you went through in there . That man read you like a book and decided to get his jollies embarrassing you and making it so only you and he were aware of it . " " This is something you 're going to have to learn how to handle , and to do it correctly takes a lot of work . Because the proper way to handle it isn 't the easy way . The easy way is to call him on it . Of course , he 'll deny it , but you 're in the driver 's seat : you 're the customer , he 's there to serve you , and if you walk out , he has lost . He doesn 't think you have the fiber to do that . Otherwise , he wouldn 't risk what he 's doing . Of course , you don 't get the suit you wanted , either , but you can get a suit most anywhere . Still , the best way is to not let him know you 're aware of his game and to just ignore it without acknowledging you know what he 's doing ; ignore it and not be bothered by it . That 'll frustrate him to no end . Then , when you 're leaving , you can say something subtle that lets him wonder if you were onto him all along , but , because you 're you and he 's who he is , what he did or said was of no matter to you in the slightest . " " Maybe not right now , but if you try , if you think of what you could have said as these incidents occur , you 'll get to a point where you can do it on the spot . Not with this guy , maybe , and not this year , maybe , but someday . Anyway , I want to tell you about what so confused you in there . To do that , I have to talk to you about something that 'll embarrass you . " I was too dumbfounded by that to even reply . I just sat there staring at him , and then I began to blush . Just like always . What I needed was a switch . " Everything but everything embarrasses you , Max . Just like it did me . If a girl in school told me her bra was uncomfortable , I blushed . If a teacher asked me to come up the front of the room to answer a problem on the board , and I hesitated , he 'd say , " Are you coming ? " and everyone would laugh and I 'd blush . Every day . Blushing at the most trivial things . But the human body was the worst . Anything to do with the body was embarrassing for me . " " The thing is , Max , every man and boy has a penis , and every other man and boy and every female , too , knows it . So rationally , it shouldn 't be embarrassing . But to you and me , it is and it was . If you were more confident , it wouldn 't be . At some point in your life , you 'll be able to talk about your or anyone else 's penis with no embarrassment at all . Now you can 't . " He smiled again . " Because that 's what the man in the store was doing . Talking about your penis . You didn 't know that or you might have blushed so hard the blood would have come out of your ears and I 'd have had to call 911 . " " Nope . He 'd already sized you up , read your body language , felt your vibes , and knew it would embarrass you for him to ask that . When he asked how you dress , he meant does your penis hang to the left or the right . Now I know that sounds terribly , terribly personal , but a tailor does have a legitimate reason to ask . A lot of men are confused about the reason . Some think it 's because the tailor will build a little more room in the pants leg where the customer 's penis will hang , but that isn 't the reason at all . He asks because , when taking your inseam measurement , he wants to be able to avoid rubbing against your penis with the back of his hand . If you tell him you dress right , he 'll take the inseam measurement on the left side . " I was looking at him in amazement . We 'd never spoken like this in my life . He hadn 't even been the one to explain baby manufacturing to me ; Mom had . Very clinically , too . I couldn 't remember ever hearing him say the word ' penis ' before . He was continuing , probably aware of my inability to say anything right then . " I could see your confusion , and I wasn 't going to let him continue embarrassing you . When we go back , he 'll ask you again . You have a while to think of how you want to answer him . The best answer is one that 'll embarrass him and not you . Just a little . But I 'll let you think about it . " " I know what I 'd say . You might even come up with something better . But now , it 's time for lunch . How about we go to my club ? " Dad belonged to a private club . He met other businessmen there , and they negotiated or bargained or did whatever men did in an exclusive place like that . I 'd only been there once . It was posh , and during the week they didn 't let anyone under 18 in . This was the weekend , so I was OK . I was dressed decently . Dad had wanted me to at least wear khakis and a polo shirt to the men 's shop . He 'd said they 'd take me more seriously that way . He always says looking the part is half the battle , whatever that means . We got to the club a few minutes before noon . There were several cars in the parking lot , mostly Caddys , Mercedes , a Porsche or two , a Jaguar and several Lexuses . Our Audi didn 't look a bit out of place . When we walked in , a man in a tuxedo was standing at the door , and he said , " Good morning , Mr . Grant . Your table is ready whenever you wish to go in . " " Thank you , John . " My father was using his business voice . It was much different from the one he used when he spoke to me . More dignified , more sober , more serious . I was always impressed when I heard it . I really loved his club . The lounge had large , leather chairs grouped in twos and threes with small tables next to them . Everything was carpeted and quiet . Dad walked through it with me by his side and entered the dining room . A man , the maitre d ' , met us at the door and led us to a table . There were only two other tables occupied , and they weren 't anywhere near us . " No , I reserved a table and ordered us drinks when I did so . I thought I might need a martini . What I want to talk about will be embarrassing for me as well as you . " He chuckled again , then took a healthy swig of his drink . " Yes . A little for you , a lot for me . I want to talk about me at 14 , which will hopefully help you a bit even if at the same time it embarrasses you a little . See , I know what your life is like , even if you don 't tell us . I see it in your body language , in your face , I . . . I see it . " " I see how uncomfortable you often are . A lot of that is your age and inexperience . Some of it is simply not knowing things you can 't be expected to know , things that if you did know , you might feel better about . And I thought maybe I could help . " I didn 't respond to that , just took another sip . I had no idea where he was going with this . I did know he never drank hard alcohol at home . Whatever he was nervous about , it had to be really something . He was going to start when we were interrupted . A man walked over to the table , and Dad stood up . I just sat there . This was exactly the sort of thing that discombobulated me . Should I stand up ? That would seem to make me part of whatever discussion they were going to have , and I didn 't belong in it . Yet it somehow seemed a little rude to sit while they were standing . Why did everything always seem so difficult to me ? " Mr . Grant , " the man said , and he and Dad shook hands . " Very good seeing you here . I need to speak to you . " He glanced at me , then said , " Son , could you maybe wait in the lounge a few minutes ? This won 't take long . " I 'd turned to walk away when my father 's hand dropped to my shoulder . " I 'm sorry , Tom . Perhaps you 'd like to call my secretary and make an appointment sometime next week ? " Wow ! He was dismissing the man . What I realized , thinking about it later , was that Dad hadn 't given any explanation of why he wouldn 't talk to him now . He 'd given the man no room to argue with him . He hadn 't even mentioned me or lunch or anything . He 'd simply , politely , shut the man down . The man didn 't like it , but he also saw he had no wiggle room . He stood looking at Dad for a moment , then simply turned around and walked off . As we were sitting down again , the maitre d ' showed up . " I 'm awfully sorry about that , Mr . Grant . He just walked right past me . " Dad took another swig of his drink . Then he shook his head . " Sorry about that . But I hope you were watching . Well , I know you were . You see everything . And that 's one thing I wanted to say . I know you were uncomfortable when Tom came over and I stood . I could see your indecision . I was the same way . I hated not knowing what to do . You hate that , too . But , what I want you to know is , most boys are just the same . They don 't know the proper behavior in lots of social situations . What I want you to do is not feel bad about it . Stop feeling there 's something wrong with you for not knowing . You can 't be expected to know . What you can do is watch and learn . You just did that . Next time someone approaches a table where you are , you 'll know to stand . That 's the message here . Don 't feel bad about not knowing exactly the right thing to do in situations that are new to you . Learn from them . " " That 's why we 're here today . I know you 're uncomfortable a lot . It 's because you 're sensitive to things , more sensitive than most . " Many boys wouldn 't care if they stood or didn 't stand when it was polite to do so . They wouldn 't care . They wouldn 't care what the man thought or what I thought . You do , which to me is a very good thing . What you should remember is , you 're young enough that you can get away with things like that . So watch and learn , and you 'll be more comfortable when you know what to do . " But there are other things you 're uncomfortable about . Things that concern Mom and me . So I wanted to talk about those . And the easiest way to do that , for you , is for me to talk about me . It 's isn 't that easy for me to do . " He grinned and picked up his drink again . " I want you to know that you don 't have to keep anything secret from either of us , " he began after replacing his glass on the table . " We understand what it 's like being 14 . I know better than she does , but we both know . I know you keep secrets from us , the same secrets most boys keep from their parents . They don 't want them to know if they 're having problems at school , either academically or socially . They don 't want them to know if they 're being bullied . They think that makes them look weak and that their parents will lose respect for them . They don 't want their parents to know they think about sex a lot and jerk off when they can and fantasize about all sorts of things . " Max , all that 's normal . That 's exactly how I was at your age , and how other boys who are now men were , too . I was as uncomfortable about my parents knowing as you are . More than most boys . Most boys don 't worry so much . I did . You do , too . " He finished his drink . I was watching him . I watched how he behaved a lot . Now I knew he saw that and even approved . He took a very brief look up at the waiter who was setting a table further down the room but staying in Dad 's eyesight . Three minutes later , another drink showed up at our table . " Two ? " I said , using just a tiny bit of questioning condemnation in my voice . I was joking and was sure he knew that . I 'd never criticize him for real . He laughed . " I won 't get drunk . Probably won 't even finish this one . It 's more reassurance that if everything goes sideways here , I 'll have a crutch to lean on . " I opened my eyes wider , and he laughed again . " Anyway , back to what I was saying . Mom and I don 't like it that you feel you have to hide your feelings from us . Therefore , I felt I had to tell you that it would be really , really hard for us to love you any more than we do or to lose any respect for you . You 'd have to work awfully hard to have that happen . You 're such a good kid , and we 're both so proud of you . We don 't tell you that enough . " " You have no reason at all to feel as worried as you do all the time , Max . At your school , there 's a no - bullying policy that they take seriously . Even in gym class , smaller boys like you are watched and protected . They 've assigned a larger boy to make sure you 're not bothered , haven 't they ? They told all the parents they do that . Do they ? " I nodded . " Yeah . We - smaller , lighter , younger - looking boys like me - don 't have to worry in gym . I thought I would , but they assigned a football player to be my partner . He 's a freshman , too , and not a real big guy , but he 's tough and because he 's starting at wide receiver , he 's respected . We 're actually becoming friends . " I looked down . That was another embarrassment . I didn 't know how to join a table of kids I wasn 't friends with , and I didn 't really have many friends yet . The football player I was still getting to know sat with the jocks . That was a boisterous table ; I 'd fit in there like a duck at a wolf convention . I certainly wasn 't going to even try to sit there ! So I sat at one of the small tables along the walls of the room all by myself . Talk about embarrassing ! " OK , " my dad said . He took a tiny sip of his drink . " I had that problem , too . By next year it 'll be behind you . But it 's a worry now . I do have a suggestion , but you 'll hate it and anyway , that 's for later . I have more to say now about something else . " He reached for his glass again , then stopped and pushed it away . " This is the hard part . I 'm just going to talk and would appreciate it if you 'd just listen and not say anything until you see me take another sip of that drink . OK ? " " OK , " I said , puzzled . I 'd never known him to be so uncertain . He was as confident a man as I 'd ever seen . " As I 've said , " he started , " at your age , I was like you . Socially awkward , not sure how I fit in , a bit timid . I had friends , but not a lot . I wasn 't much of an athlete . I read a lot . I was alone a lot . " " I did what boys your age do . It was a comfort , and I needed that . I also thought about sex a lot . And I had something I had to keep from my parents , besides all that . I thought about boys more than I did about girls . " " I didn 't know whether that meant I was gay or not . It was possible , though , and there was no way I could discuss it with my parents or anyone else . But I wasn 't sure what was what because I got crushes on girls , too . Just not nearly as many or as strong as I did on boys . I got a lot of those . Some of them pretty heavy ones , too . " And then something amazing happened . One of the boys who I thought about a lot , who I was crushing on big time . . . well , we were in gym together , so I got to see him undressing to suit up , undressing at the end of class , showering , the whole enchilada . It was really hard for me not to look too much . I 'd have died if he 'd caught me at it and died twice if he called me out in front of others . His name was Evan . Evan Donner . " One of the things we did in gym was wrestle each other . The coach paired up like - sized boys . Evan was my size . Eventually , I was teamed up to wrestle him . " My heart was beating a ton a minute when we got on the mat together . I don 't know what I looked like . Scared , maybe ? Lustful ? Well , I know I wasn 't showing that . Nervous , very likely , but that was OK . People . . . and Evan , of course . . . would read that as being afraid of him - not the real reason at all , but an acceptable one . So we began , trying to get hold of each other , trying to take each other down . Neither of us was any good and sort of flailed away , not getting anywhere , when suddenly Evan began laughing , probably at how silly we must have looked . He dropped his arms when he did that , and I saw my opening and tackled him . I did it very gently and said as I did it , ' Oops , I 'm sorry ! ' which made him laugh even more , even though now I was lying on him . " He was cute as hell , and laughing just made him cuter . I saw that , I was lying on top of him , and I got hard in about a second flat . Really , really hard . He felt it . No way he wouldn 't . We weren 't required to wear jocks , which meant I didn 't need to get naked suiting up , and I didn 't want to get naked till I had to - when we showered - so I always just left my briefs on . Thin briefs , thin shorts - that wasn 't nearly enough to hide what was poking him in the stomach . That 's when the amazing thing happened . " Right then , our food came . No ! But it did . I was hoping Dad would take that as a sign to sip his drink , but he took a large drink of water instead , then reached for his fork . His eyes rose to mine , and damned if he didn 't give me a big grin . " Should I continue ? " he asked . " Or eat ? " Well , since he 'd asked me a question , I guessed it was OK to answer it . " Continue , " I said . I sounded almost breathless , even to me . " Where were we ? Oh , yeah . I was lying on top of him , aroused , and he knew it . He 'd stopped laughing , but his eyes . . . I couldn 't get enough of his eyes . They were sparkling like I 'd never seen them . They were a deep blue , so deep it was like you were looking into his soul . He stops laughing , but his eyes are more alive than ever . He starts wiggling underneath me . When he sees the horror in my eyes , he whispers to me , ' We have to make it look like we 're still wrestling or they 'll expect us to get up . ' Dad reached his hand for his martini , then pulled it back . " Not yet , " he said , and I wasn 't sure if he was talking to me or himself . In the meantime , his lunch was getting cold . I 'd been eating mine , not even really tasting it . I was much more into his tale than tasting my lunch . " So , we 're both hard , and he 's kind of enjoying it , and I 'm scared as hell . Why ? Because his wiggling is having the effect you 'd expect it to , and much more of it would have had me gasping and jerking and maybe making sounds , sounds every boy in that gym would understand . " ' Oops , ' he said and then rolled slightly , and suddenly there was no pressure on my erection . He was using his arms , pretending to be trying to push me off , but making sure he didn 't succeed . I rolled onto my side , still facing him so no one could see anything , and I pulled him with me so we were both able to continue to play fight without giving anything away . We continued this for a short time , no longer really wrestling until the coach blew the whistle . " We had to stand up . I , at least , was no longer sticking straight out like a hitching post . The fear of being caught had consumed me when we were on our sides and I 'd deflated some . Enough that standing didn 't cause a major problem for me . " Evan was still hard . I could see that as he lay there while I was rising . But this was also when I learned how clever the boy was , how quickly he could think . As I was getting up but still on my knees , he quickly rolled toward me and right up against my leg . ' Ouch ! ' he cried . ' My nuts ! ' And then he put his hands down by his crotch . Thus covered , he got up , too , but in the position a boy stands in when he 's been nailed down there : bent over , shoulders folded in , looking like what he 's feeling . " ' You OK , Evan ? ' the coach asked . Evan nodded , then said , ' Think I 'll go to the locker room , though , to rest . ' By this time , my brain had kicked back in . ' I 'll help him , ' I said , and the coach just nodded . We walked across the floor and into the locker room , Evan gingerly , me supporting him , holding onto his arm . " As soon as we were in the locker room , Evan took my arm and pulled me into the back corner where we were a long way from the door and hidden by several rows of lockers . ' We 'd better check that we 're OK , ' he said , his eyes showing an excited glint , and he pulled off his shorts and underwear ! He looked fine to me , especially fine as his staff rose . " ' Are you OK ? ' he asked . I didn 't need the hint . Off came my things , and we were both standing looking at each other , as stiff as boys can be , which as I remember is pretty damn stiff ! " " What happened next , well , that 's not what this lunch is about . This lunch is about my telling you that I felt things , did things at 14 , and that I 'd fully understand if you were doing things , too . They 're things I actually hope you 're doing . Boys should experience those things . They make life richer . They add seasoning to it . They create memories . " That was when he took another drag on his martini . Actually a couple of them . Then he sat back and sighed deeply . " Questions ? " he said , and smiled . " Sex is a many - textured thing , Max . Sex isn 't love . I fell in love with your mom . She fell in love with me . Sex combined with love is better than sex without love . I know , I know ; that isn 't very responsive to what you 're asking . But it 's a difficult question . It 's something everyone has to answer for themselves . ' Gay ' is a label , but what exactly does it mean ? If it simply means one is attracted to people of the same sex , then yes , I am gay . Perhaps most men are . I know I was very attracted to other boys at your age . I imagine you are , too . " Huh ! How did we suddenly get there ? But his purpose here wasn 't to embarrass me or encourage me to talk about things I didn 't want to talk about . He didn 't say that as a question . He was making a statement . I was figuring out what his purpose here was , finally . He kept talking so there 'd be no silence that would make me think I had to respond to what he 'd said . " If you are , you 're probably with the majority of boys . If you find a boy to love , not just like having sex with , then perhaps you 'll decide you 're gay the way most people would define that . Or you may find a girl you love . We don 't know till it happens . If I 'd found a man I felt about like I did and do about your mother , my life would have been completely different because I would have stayed with him . I 'd have had no regrets , either , not even about you , because I 'd never have known there was a you who 'd make an appearance a few years later . Now , I 'd deeply , deeply regret not having you . But we never know what the future will bring . " I guessed this was now a conversation again instead of a speech . And it was one where I guessed I could ask whatever I liked . " Did you fool around with Evan ? " Dad nodded , and I saw a faraway look in his eyes . " We did . I think it was more than fooling around , too . I discovered he 'd had a crush on me just as I 'd had on him . We became boyfriends , though secret ones . Times weren 't as open then as now . But we were 14 , and at that age , things almost never last . I don 't know , we both cared a lot for each other , but then , when he was 16 , his dad lost his job and got an offer across the country , and they moved . Suddenly , I was alone again . It hurt awfully bad . But , in the two years I 'd been with Evan , I 'd grown up a lot . I 'd learned how to act , how to get along with people . I wasn 't a social misfit any longer . It wasn 't till I was in college and discovered some of my real assets that I really gained the confidence I have now , but I had matured enough that as the pain of losing Evan gradually ebbed , I was able to enjoy the rest of high school . " " Did you have another boyfriend ? " Man , it felt good , being able to ask these things . Never in a million years could I have done so before . He 'd opened a door for me . " Not like Evan . The crushes I 'd had on boys at 14 weren 't as strong by then . I 'd begun seeing the charms some women had . I found I didn 't much care for the girly - girly ones . The strong ones were who attracted me . The ones who were confident and focused . Most high - school girls weren 't like that . Mostly they tried to be like each other , all acting the same way , like someone had written them a script . That turned me off . I dated a few , but nothing came of any of it . I didn 't date any boys . It was so risky to do that . There were almost no out boys at school , and the ones who were had a difficult time . It 's so much better for gay boys today . " While we both ate , I had time to think . I knew why we 'd had lunch together . I knew he 'd planned this even before the fiasco in the men 's store . That had just enabled him to start what he wanted to say , even add to it . He 'd wanted me to know about him , but even more , he 'd wanted me to know he understood me , that he loved me , and that the secrets I 'd been holding onto so tightly didn 't need to be secrets . I could feel some of the tension I always lived with dissipating . I kept glancing up from my plate at him . He 'd catch the motion and look up at me , and the smile on his face and look in his eyes were so deeply emotional it was incredible I didn 't break out in tears . I so easily could have . The man who 'd measured me was in the back of the store again as we walked in . He looked up , smiled , and as Dad was looking directly at him , walked up to us . " Welcome back , " he said , greeting Dad . " I checked , and we do have the suit you were looking at in what I 'm sure is his size . " " All right , where were we ? " He checked his pad , then looked at me . " Just the inseam left . You were going to tell me how you dress ? Left or right ? " I nodded to him . " I don 't dress either way . My penis isn 't long enough yet . It just hangs straight down , and not very far . You don 't have to worry about it at all . " The man 's eyes opened slightly wider , and I saw him gulp . Then he said , " Certainly , sir , " and completed his job . When done , he asked , " And you still prefer the suit you picked originally ? " When we picked up the suit on Monday , Dad had me try it on . It fit perfectly . It wasn 't a bit baggy anywhere , and felt good on me . It made my shoulders look a little broader before tapering a bit to my waist , and the trousers were the exact right length . Dad picked out a light - lilac dress shirt and bold , matching tie , and I modeled the entire outfit . I was really surprised by what I saw in the mirror and couldn 't stop myself from smiling . I guess Dad was impressed , too . He said , " If I 'd known how handsome you are in a suit , I 'd have bought you one before ! " I didn 't think I had the courage to do what Dad had suggested about eating alone in the cafeteria . I mean , well , wow ! You 'd have to be very brave . I wasn 't brave at all . I did feel a little bit different , though . Since lunch with Dad , things were definitely better . I was more comfortable at home . The wedding had been a great success . At the reception , girls my age kept coming up to talk to me . I saw several boys giving me the eye , too . Do you know what that does to a boy 's ego ? Especially a very reserved boy like I 'd been ? Well , I still was , of course . But I was actually thinking about Dad 's suggestion . I 'd never have even considered it before . Never ! Now ? I 'd feel like a fool if it didn 't work , and it seemed to me there was much more chance of it being a humiliating failure than a success . But a nagging thought kept intruding . What if it did work ? And what would I think of myself and my growing pride in myself if I didn 't at least try it ? What would be the worst that could happen ? I could be a laughingstock in school ? Well , so what ? I was already a nobody . Doing this , at least I wouldn 't be that any longer . And so one Friday after going the whole week sitting by myself at lunch - sitting by yourself at lunch is the ultimate ; the longer you do it , the more permanent the ' loser ' label that gets stuck to you is - I did it . I worked out my materials the night before at home , and everything I needed was in my backpack . I had French the class period before lunch . I was good at French , and the teacher liked me . I needed a lot of courage to pull this off but less to talk to my teacher , explain what I was going to do , and get permission to leave her class fifteen minutes early . That was all I needed . I was the only one in the halls walking to the cafeteria . I got that feeling I think everyone does in empty school hallways . It feels so wrong to be the only one there . I did my thing , then waited . When the door opened and the first students walked in , I slid my tray along the counter , chose what to eat , passed the register after my ID had been scanned and went to a table four rows back . It had room for eight students . Some of the tables were much bigger , some smaller , some that size . The table I sat at was one where usually no one sat . I watched the kids walking in . Most ignored the tables and walked right to the serving line . As a line formed , the students farther back in the line had the opportunity to look around . That was when the talk began . They saw what I 'd done . There were smiles , laughter , and lots of talk . The kids passing the register took one look and stopped . What they were seeing were little signs on each table . I 'd bought a bunch of cheap , place - card clip holders and blank note cards . Then I 'd written table descriptions on the cards and put them in the holders and set one on each table where kids sat , tables that I 'd identified on the cards . One card said JOCKS TABLE . Another said POPULAR GIRLS TABLE . Another BAND GEEKS TABLE . I 'd set labels on as many tables as I could identify by the kids who sat there . Gamers and techies , skaters and goths . The brave part , the part I hadn 't thought I could do , was writing a label that said SMART BOYS TABLE , then sitting down there . All by myself . What a risk to take ! Would anyone else sit there ? Or would I still be alone - although alone with the attention of every kid in the room on me ? Well , I figured , I 'd never know if I didn 't try . I sort of pretended not to be looking around . I just concentrated on my lunch , only scanning the room peripherally . I saw the jocks head for their table . The popular girls sat at theirs . It looked as though everyone was accepting the labels . I 'd thought maybe the almost - popular girls might have a problem , but I didn 't see anything . I hadn 't made a sign for the nerds . No reason to disparage anyone . I 'd about resigned myself to my fate when I saw a shadow cover my tray . I looked up and saw a face I recognized . It was a face everyone recognized . Tim Brokard was a big deal the school . He wrestled and was the city high - school heavyweight champion . He also broke the mold as far as being a great athlete : he didn 't participate in any jock activities . He seemed to have his own set of friends and was quite private . No one but a few friends seemed to know him well , but because he was the size of a small mountain , everyone seemed to let him be himself without any bother at all . " Maybe you 've got it wrong . Maybe it 's not that it didn 't make a difference . Maybe there just aren 't any smart boys at this school . " He was about to speak when this really little kid walked up . He looked like he was 12 , like I did , but it was obvious he really was that young . He didn 't act like it , though . " Finally ! " he said . " A table where the thrust of the conversation won 't be which girl has the largest tits , who 'll win the football game on Friday , or who did the homework so everyone else can copy it . I expect here it 'll be different . This should be more like it . Oh , I 'm Liam . " Before the line passing by the serving trays had ended , two more kids had come to our table . And then on Monday , everyone who 'd been there Friday came back . By the end of the week , the table was full . And you know what ? Not once did anyone talk about which girl had the largest tits . A month later , we 'd had to move to a larger table , one that sat 12 kids . We were a very mixed bunch . Freshmen through seniors , though mostly freshies and sophs , jocks and art majors , introverts and extroverts , whites , blacks , Asians and one expat Aussie . Discussions of everything under the sun flew back and forth ; often there were three different topics being hashed over at once . We were not a silent table . I 'd become so much more comfortable in my own skin since that lunch with my dad . Now , when a situation was awkward - and of course there were still many of those - I didn 't let my beating heart race away from me . I found I could laugh at myself for the awkwardness , and laughing at myself took away most of the discomfort . I 'd been trying too hard , taking myself too seriously , and was able to cut myself some slack now . It was a matter of attitude as much as anything else . I was speaking to Dad now about anything that troubled me and not worrying about what he 'd think of me . I already knew . I was even opening up a little to Mom . That was still scary , but I think it was good for both of us . We were at lunch , and the far end of the table from me was discussing whether Chaucer was suitable for high - school English classes , and someone had brought up Melville , and the argument was getting louder . At my end , we seemed to be arguing the merits of early application to colleges . Someone in the middle told a joke apropos of nothing that everyone stopped to listen to , and there was a sudden and unusual period of silence when people were through laughing . I 'd made up my mind , and this was the opportunity I 'd needed . Courage comes one step at a time . First , I 'd labeled the tables in a desperate attempt to not be so alone . This was just as scary . But I felt a lot better about myself now . This was scary but didn 't carry the possibilities of disaster that first act had . I could survive if no one else raised their hand . I realized that even if they didn 't , it didn 't mean no one was gay . It simply meant they weren 't as ready to be out as I was . But that didn 't happen . Three hands went up , one at a time , all three a little hesitantly . The final one was a shock . It was Tim 's hand . He always sat across from me , blocking the sun if there 'd been one . He 'd sat there from the first time he 'd sat down . Now he was staring into my eyes and slowly raising his hand .
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Some Kind of " Strange Energy " ( and it can turn on lights ) Okay , so we all know by now about the " faces in the fish tank " . Still really creeped out by that and no closer to knowing what caused it . My only possible explanation is that it is a reflection from a ghost - like presence in the room . Some have offered their theories : that the larger face , to the left , is a reflection of the man 's face to the right . Plausible because the reflections occur in a corner of the tank , and I can see that the fish also reflect on 2 panels of the tank . I will reenact at some point where they ( he ) would have to have been in the room to be ' reflected ' there . Of course , another theory , is that because of who he might be , he is capable of just showing his face anywhere he wants . But there was something that happened a few days later . This might have been maybe Nov . 8 or so . I wish I 'd logged the date . It 's possible I have it scrawled somewhere on a sticky . Anyway , Bob reported that he 'd been in the bathroom getting ready for bed . Our bathroom is right off the bedroom , and he had the door open into the bedroom , and our little Yorkie Lucy was up there with him . From his stance at the mirror , Bob could see in his peripheral vision that the room behind him was dark , and Lucy had gone in there to wait for him on the bed . All of a sudden , from where he is standing , Bob sees that the lights have come on in the bedroom behind him , and Lucy makes a mad scramble ; off the bed , careening into the bathroom out of control so she hits the shower door which forces a turn to the left , still out of control , she slides into and bounces off the toilet , scrambling to get a grip with her feet on the cold , hard , slippery bathroom floor tile . She 's still on the move and careens against the the bathroom wall , ejects to the left as she gets a paw - grip under her , heading to the other bathroom door , which is open into the guest room . She then makes a beeline to get under the bed , cowering and shaking . Bob goes in the bedroom to see what spooked her ; he could not see or feel anything unusual except for the fact that all 3 lights were turned on . Two of these are our individual bedside table lamps , that have those kind of straight on / off switches , and one is a sconce on the wall that is turned on with a ' wheel ' switch on the cord . How did they all turn on at once ? What did Lucy see or perceive ? What caused her to freak and go tearing out of there ? I don 't think it was just the lights going on , after all , Lucy frequently goes in a room ahead of us and then we 'll turn on a light maybe from a wall switch , or a table lamp . She never blinks an eye at that . She 's currently sitting on the other side of my monitor here , and I guarantee , that if I got up to switch on ( or off ) a light , she wouldn 't budge . So it wasn 't the lights going on ; it was whatever energy did that that spooked her . But WHAT WAS IT ? ? Bob said he did go around the house and investigate for anything amiss . Of course , as usual , there was nothing . Or at least so we think . Why are there tiny handprints in the shower ? I realize it has been a long time since I 've posted . I really have no good excuse for this , other than that life has just been really busy . The fact that we are already in the 11th month of the year just astounds me . I don 't know WHERE the time goes , and I don 't think that I 'm alone in that . I keep hearing this all around . But that said , I 've also often had this weird feeling that I 'm being " stopped " somehow , or discouraged from writing . But the longer I wait to " catch up " , the harder it is going to be , and since I already have a year and a half to catch up on , there is no solution other than to just start writing posts . I have not yet figured out how I am going to go back and reconstruct the missing time - I do have records and pictures of the " Events " , but I know it will take hours and hours to put it together - so rather than do that , I 'll just start now to try to keep up with the current goings on . Perhaps you are wondering if things are in fact going on ? Well , the short answer to that is that they have never really stopped . The intensity changes , the time between things can go long , but I 'd say that over the past year and a half that I stopped being able to keep up with it that at least two to three things a month happened . Sometimes it was as simple as just a movement of Nuttah 's character , or sometimes I got flowers again . Bob definitely attended a ceremony or two and traveled " in time " to her world . I have to catch up with all of that . But for now , I am going to start with something I noticed about a month ago . I was cleaning our shower stall ; it was embarrassingly dirty , and as I scrubbed , I noticed in a rather odd spot on the side - wall that one of the grungy smudges had a certain " pattern " to it . It had the distinct look of two small hand prints . I stood back in the room and observed from further away . Yes , distinctly : 5 digits , 2 hands . HOW did they get there , whose were they , and what were they doing there ? They were about a foot up from the floor of the shower . A really awkward spot if you ask me , no matter how I tried to picture it , I couldn 't imagine how they could get there . I knew it was not one of us , I just assumed " other - worldly " . So I finished scrubbing clean all the other grunge , but I left the hand prints . I took some pictures of them and sent one on my phone to Bob , and he came back with , " Yes , that 's pretty distinct " . So then about a month later , I happen to notice that the prints which I left there have something added to them . There is now another hand above them . I 've included two of the pictures here . I don 't really have a theory about what I think they are , other than that Nuttah 's baby is now 3 , and these look approximately like 3 year old hand size . Also , the fact that they are so low in the stall , almost near the floor , he 'd be short , and the only one size - wise that could make prints there . I added a penny to the latest picture for a size comparison . I know this is far - fetched and sounds crazy , but how do you explain tiny hand prints in the shower ? We are truly stumped by this one . Pictures included below ( I turned them to black & white in photoshop because it emphasized them better , the light in the shower was not great . ) " Other Witnesses " - Again There has not been A LOT going on , but I have now accumulated enough things to make a post about it . Not that any one of these ' events ' did not warrant their own post at the time , but I just decided to lump them together , for both time and interest 's sake . What sparked this impetus to finally " group - post " these events , was a text from Bob on March 14 at 6 : 10 pm . I 'm at work , and I read , A little panic welled up in me because I knew contractor " Dave " had been at our house that day installing a door . With my compromised close - up vision I initially read the text as " Dave had an accident " . " Oh no " , I was thinking , " What happened ? " Auto accident or did he do something bad while installing our door ( cut off a finger ? ) . But then I re - read the text and understood the right word - " incident " . Not much better really than " accident " , depending what it was . So what was this incident ? This could have many implications . It does not escape my thoughts that leaving Dave ( or any contractor ) alone in our house working could potentially be problematic . What if Nuttah ( and company ) decided for some reason they did not want the person here ? It would not take much to scare most people away , especially if objects started relocating in front of them . I 'm pretty sure I would hightail it out of here . ( Something else pretty weird just happened - Contractor Dave just called as I 'm in the middle of writing this . It was to confirm another project to start tomorrow , but how weird that just as I 'm writing this … ) Anyway , back to what happened . I text back to Bob , " WHAT ? ? ? ? " He did not answer . I assumed it was too much to get into via text , and I was right . I would have to wait for our nightly phone call . So this was Dave 's " incident " . Bob described how they were both outside in the driveway . We don 't have many trees in our yard , we are surrounded by trees , but there 's only a handful left that are actually " in our yard " . It is , of course , winter , so the trees are bare . We have this one tree that is an ornamental maple ; it has a tiny red leaf and I believe they call it a " Japanese Maple " . Beautiful tree , I think it has a spectacular shape and color , but it is small . Fully grown by now , I don 't think it 's even 20 ft . high or wide . Not sure why , but Bob and Dave are both roughly facing this tree . It 's toward the street , so maybe they were looking at something coming down the street . All of a sudden , out of nowhere , Bob sees the Giant White Bird come in and it awkwardly lands in the small Japanese maple . Now you can imagine that a bird nearly the size of a dog , would do something to a tree with branches that small and thin , and weirdly , this was the only part that Dave could see , he could not actually see the Giant White Bird , he could only see the effect it was having on the delicate tree branches . Bob , on the other hand , is more focused on the BIRD , not the branches , but realizes immediately that Dave can 't see the actual bird , only the result of the heavy bird landing . And what is it doing there , why did it come in now ? Bob glances over at our side door off the driveway where Niko was . Up to this point , Niko had been agitatedly looking out at Bob and Dave and wanting to be outside with them . Now , as the bird lands and locks eyes with Niko , he goes silent and solemn . This is not the first time that Bob has witnessed this ' communication ' between Niko and the " Giant White Bird " . Something always changes in Niko with these encounters . But Dave can 't see the bird - he can only see the tree branches swinging wildly . Bob 's explanation to Dave ? " Oh , must have been a chunk of ice that fell and hit it " , Bob tries to explain , thinking fast . Well , there is no ice left in any trees , and no ice on any branches , so Dave says , " I don 't think so " . But since for him , he has no explanation whatsoever that makes sense , he just marvels over what just happened , and they go back to their conversation . Just a reminder , contractor " Dave " is the same one that sat out on our deck with Bob one afternoon , and had another " encounter " of a sort . I am hopeful that he does not remember that one , because if he does , he will begin to think odd thoughts about this property . Here is a link to that blog entry , when Dave bolted from the deck thinking that the unfinished beer he was in the middle of drinking was too strong : https : / / whosetimeisit . wordpress . com / 2012 / 07 / 17 / bob - a - guest - have - a - mutual - sighting / Before this " incident " written about above , there were 2 other things that happened in March . I took pictures of two scenes in early March ; one was taken 3 / 1 , the other 3 / 9 . Unfortunately , I don 't have any comments about these two arrangements in any emails , so I 'm not really sure if they relate to any specific incident . I do vaguely remember asking Bob on the 2nd one if he " felt any presence " , because I think he 'd have either been in the room or in the bathroom when it happened . However , he had not . All I can say about it at this point , is that she was " around " to make her presence known , and that the arrangements must mean something , but we know not what . A week later , the whole thing was moved to on top of the TV . Her papoose is behind her . She still sits there today , 3 / 24 / 14 . " Had an interesting occurrence this morning coming into my office . It was so odd that I didn 't know how to process it while it was happening . I came in the main door to office and then was getting ready to put the key for my office door into the lock , as I started to go towards the lock with key in hand … it started a Uri Geller event . It just started to bend as I was holding it . It bent about 15 - 20 degrees , while I was holding it . I just stared at it , not knowing quite what to make of what was happening . I had to bend it back and straighten it up to get into lock , still has the kink where it bent . Odd . No idea what that is about . Just channel mommy cat and move on . " Bob 's reference here to " Mommy Cat " requires a short explanation : We always marveled at how Joe - the - Cat 's mother " Mommy Cat " could have what we considered to be grand - mal seizures in her later years , and then , when it was over , get up and continue as if nothing at all had happened . Basically , just shook her head and soldiered on . I frequently use the Mommy - Cat reference , when feeling really ill ; I tell myself to " Put on your " Mommy - Cat " face and move on " … it comes in handy , channeling " Mommy Cat " . My response to Bob : Weird incident with key , what could that possibly be about ? How it was even usable is interesting . Such weird stuff going on … Bob enters a " crowded " room Early September , 2013 : So with the return of the missing key , our potential tenant ( I 'll call him " Jim " ) also resurfaced . We had given up on Jim because there had been no contact for a month or more . Not that we had people lining up to rent it , but we were considering at this point restarting the search for a new tenant . Jim said that he 'd been trying to get a hold of Bob , which was semi - believable because Bob had had to switch to a new cell phone and he lost calls , messages and information in the transfer . Typical cell phone upgrade , from what I can determine . Jim said he still wanted to rent the place ( surprise - surprise ) and would begin moving things in soon . On Friday , September 13 , Bob was home before me , and went to the apartment to empty the dehumidifier and see what else might need to be done before our tenant was to move in . Jim had said he might be moving in some stuff this weekend . Bob went upstairs to what had been our old bedroom . Bob said it felt like he had entered a meeting space and he was the last one to arrive . He said it felt like he was pushing through people , and he should say " Excuse me , sorry I 'm late " as he was finding his way through the crowd . He thinks there were 8 - 9 people and Nuttah was one , all the rest were male . Don 't know how he can tell that , they are all invisible , but that 's what he " saw " . They were still there when he left the room . What were they doing there ? Who were they all ? I asked Bob how he could tell that he was moving around people ? Remember , the room is basically empty of furniture , so sound is a little echo - y . " Well , you know how you can just tell when you 're passing people ? The sounds change , you can just ' feel ' something , even if you had your eyes closed , in a crowded room you would know if someone was right next to you . " True . Then later that night , when we got home from dinner , Bob took the pups out , as usual . On the way back to the deck , he described how the two shepherds rocketed around to the window of the downstairs apartment ; Bob followed right behind them and came around the corner to see what they were looking at . Inside the downstairs part of the apartment , he saw the silhouettes of two native american men . Bob immediately ran in to get me to come see them , but I was upstairs out of hearing range , and it was too late ( I sort of doubt that I could see them anyway , if I had made it out in time ) . We did go out later , and the pups seemed strangely focused on the two windows on that side , checking them out , and even looking up to the upstairs windows , which they never do . Pups are just not really trained to " look up " . So what was going on ? Were they " having a meeting " ? Looking the place over ? Or was it that Bob was just entering " their space , their time " , and he was " overlapping " with them ? I don 't know . Bob doesn 't really try to speculate anymore . So , who knows . But I suspect that there might be some issues with a relative stranger coming into this space , from their standpoint ( maybe they don 't want it ) . If it does happen , what is the tenant going to experience ? Are they going to be " run out of here " ? I suppose anything is possible . Other Witnesses Often Bob and I look back over these events of the last 3 and a half years with some amount of disbelief . Sometimes we question our own sanity , or look back and think , " Could this really be happening ? " We begin to doubt ourselves , and I sometimes page through my blog entries to re - read over past events and I know that I didn 't make it up . It is as " real " to us as anything " real " can be . But there is definitely sometimes doubt clouding our thoughts , and believe me , we do not talk much about this to anyone . I have a small handful of people that I discuss it with , but even some of them have stepped away from it , unable to either process , believe , or take in what is going on . Who knows what they really think of it . That is why , when something happens to someone else here at our house , it validates our experience , and we start thinking , " Okay , it 's not just us … maybe we are not ' stepping off ' " . What I 'm getting to , is an " event " that happened in early August . It was , to be precise , the week of Musikfest … a big annual music festival that takes place nearby in Bethlehem , PA . Kate and I go every year for one evening of the 10 - day long " fest " , usually on a week night because of the crowds . This year was no different , but along with me and Kate , her boyfriend , " Nate " and a friend of his , " Matt " also came along . The plan was for them to all spend the night , because Musikfest both allows and encourages drinking , and they were going to do plenty of it . Besides a Lanta bus , I was the designated driver . When we all got safely back , I set up sleeping arrangements for the guests , and gave them only 2 instructions , as I was going to bed : " Don 't smoke in the house , and don 't be outside when Bob gets up to go to work , because we haven 't introduced " Matt " to the dogs yet , and Bob will be letting them out . They might not react too kindly to strangers in the dark " . They agreed , and I went to bed . Bob got up without incident at about 3 - something AM . Kate and I were up well before the 2 guys , and sat out on the deck having coffee . When the guys came out later to join us , I was to learn there had been an overnight " event " . Hmmmmmmmmm … . . I wrote back to him , 10 : 13 AM : " Nope . The ' shadow family ' or Nuttah paid a visit to them on the deck . Kate and I had gone to bed . " Here is what ' Nate ' described . They 'd been sitting out on the deck , it was about 2 am . They were outside , both because they were smoking , and because they didn 't want their talking to wake anyone up . Matt was sitting with his back to the house facing the creek , and Nate sat across from him looking toward the house and the lit up kitchen window . At some point , as they were talking , Nate saw a figure in the kitchen walk by the window toward the door to the deck . He thought it was me or Kate coming out to get them . That 's not a huge distance to cover , and at the point when the ' person ' should have reached the door , nothing was there , but Nate kept watching , waiting for someone to appear . All of a sudden , Matt , who 'd been facing Nate talking , suddenly turns his head quickly to his left as if someone has just walked up to him . There is also nothing there , but he shudders , says to Nate , " what was that ? " Nate responds , " I don 't know , but I just saw someone walk by that lit window , and then nobody came out . At least I didn 't think they did . " It was not to end there though . Over several cups of coffee out in the August warmth on the deck the next morning , Matt was to describe a feeling of being followed and watched in the house when he came back in . He felt that he was followed to the bathroom . He felt the presence of ' something ' as he laid on the makeshift bed I put on the floor of the ' office ' . He felt someone was sitting there , watching him sleep . He woke up a lot and felt the presence each time . He said he was not afraid of it , that it seemed to be female , and that it seemed to be harmless . Even ' good ' in a way , not evil or with any bad intent . He also reported odd electronic things during the night : a light on and then off , a clock ticking , and then not ticking , a distant muffled conversation that he couldn 't clearly hear , but knew there was a conversation going on . He also admitted , although he had not felt comfortable commenting on it when he first arrived , that just walking into the house the first time , he had picked up on something that he just described as " different " . Some kind of " force " or " feeling " . There was also the fact that when I finally did introduce Matt to the dogs for the first time , Niko completely accepted him without issue . ( This is definitely not the case with everybody - there are some that will never get near him ) . I thought this was interesting . Another odd thing was that Matt was initially kind of judgmental about us having kept the dog that had bitten our kids in the face . I think he thought we should have given him up , that there was something wrong with keeping him . I 'm okay with people thinking that , and I don 't try to defend what we did , I just know that it 's [ going to be ] necessary for us to have him here . But after Matt met him and interacted with him for awhile , he left here with his mind changed about that . Or at least that 's what it seemed to me . I quizzed Nate later to get more details on exactly what he saw walk by the kitchen window . How tall ? Male or female ? What length of hair ? He held his hand above the kitchen sink in front of the window at the approximate height of the being that he saw . It appeared that " she " was somewhat shorter than either me or Kate . " She had a lot of long , dark hair . Definitely a girl . I thought it was you or Kate coming out to get us " . My thoughts ? It was Nuttah . Bob has seen her once in our house . She appeared in a mirror behind Bob as he was looking into it . She is here much more than anyone actually sees her , so why show herself now ? Or is it some ability in Nate that he was able to get the ' visual ' part ? Matt certainly had a sense of her being there , but did not ' see ' her . Bob reported picking up on absolutely nothing all night . He was surprised by this interaction . I didn 't pick up anything either , but was sleeping pretty soundly . We are just left to wonder , why reveal yourself now ? Did she have something in mind ? Niko thwarts a Home Invasion ? ? ( or worse ? ) In the very early morning hours of July 11 , Niko may have possibly completely redeemed himself . At any rate , what he may have done made me realize how important he is to have here with us . He may have actually thwarted a home invasion while I was home sleeping alone . Read on … As Bob was leaving for work in the dark , early morning hours , he saw a car in his rear - view mirror turn the corner toward our house . It did not catch up to him , as he expected it would . He thought maybe they lived on the street , and that was why it did not continue , but that was very unusual , as there is almost never any traffic on our road at that hour , except Bob . He actually considered coming back to the house to check , and regretted later that he hadn 't . Because when he got to work , the Lao woman approached him with a vision she had seen . Through translation , she described Niko , and she described our foyer as you would look in from the porch door . Described it as best she could , considering she did not know what all the objects were . She said someone had come to the door in the dark and Niko had been sitting there on the foyer rug . He looked up at the figure in the door and bared his teeth and growled . He scared off whoever it was . My question about this whole incident was , did this really happen today , after Bob left , or was it just a vision ? What did it mean ? The Lao woman 's visions have always in the past been pretty accurate , at least as far as what Bob was experiencing . I guess this was a way for us to begin to re - appreciate what Niko was here for , and what he was capable of doing , should there be an issue . I was just glad to have him and glad he 'd been there where he needed to be , if in fact it had happened . Prior to this , we had not always had him upstairs with us when we slept , but now we always sleep with Niko in the bedroom with us . I 've always thought the best thing to have in a situation like that would be a dog . A dog like Niko actually . Even better than a gun , because you might hesitate to use it , but I 'm certain Niko would not hesitate to protect us for even a second . I feel better here now alone in those dark morning hours . I have Niko . An Apology and Did I Enter a Time Warp ? First , I must apologize for not living up to my promise . I said I was going to be caught up with my postings by 12 / 21 . It didn 't happen . As soon as I started collecting the various email excerpts since August that revolved around our events , I knew it was not going to happen , and I should have said something then . There was just way too much material ; I had not been all that conscious of that much going on , but I do know that we were both very happy that there was stuff going on , given the event in August that changed everything . I have yet to get to that event , but will be soon . And so here we are , it is 12 / 23 / 12 and we are all still here and life churns on . Tomorrow is Christmas Eve . This is shaping up to be a rather pleasant holiday season all in all . While I 'm preparing the post that I really don 't want to talk about ( the August event that I keep referring to ) , I 'll insert something here that happened to me during the fall when I started walking the neighborhood . One morning I wrote to Bob about it : I had a weird incident on my walk : I turn a corner , and I notice a piece of equipment I never noticed before . This is not today , it 's at least a few walks ago . I exclaim to myself , " How did I not notice that before , it 's huge " . ( It 's a big rusted out front - end loader / back - hoe type of thing - yellow with lots of brown rust ) . I notice its condition , because clearly , it 's been there awhile and it 's the first day I 'm really " seeing " it . So I just toss it off to lack of observation and keep going . It did stop me in my tracks though , cause it was so beat up , like it had sat there rusting for a long time . Also , no tracks behind or in front of it , like it had been driven there recently . Next day , same thing , and I marvel again - how did I miss that ? I kind of shake my head at how unobservant I had been . ( Now this might seem like something you 'd never notice , however , there is literally nothing else there , it is just woods and brush . ) So today , what is apparent is its ABSENCE . It is gone - and no tracks of it having been moved out of the woods either - I 'm going to go check again tomorrow , take more notice of the surroundings , but what the heck ? Am I walking through 2 different time overlays there ? ? Very weird . Okay , maybe I 'm making more of this than I should . Below is a picture I took of the scene without the back - hoe in it . It really seemed like one day I would walk by scene - back hoe there , next day , back hoe not there . And yet there was no evidence of it having moved . Not a leaf disturbed , no soil out of place , no sticks broken , nothing trampled , no tracks , no depressions in the ground . And the fall leaves would have fallen " around " it , and left a bare - spot where it sat , no ? Clearly , nothing sat here the day before , at least nothing as large as I 'm describing : And , as it turns out , I was right about Joe . I went down in the morning , because I could avoid it no longer , and Joe the Cat was stiff as a board . Poor Joe . He is outside now waiting to be buried this weekend , when it 's supposed to warm up and I can dig a hole next to his mother - Momee Cat . To the right is one of the pictures I used in the blog months ago , depicting Joe leaping off the bed straight up in the air in fright , as a " whoosh " comes through the bedroom . " Don 't know if you heard via recent contacts that " Number 9 " passed away peacefully last week after a 3 - 4 week gradual decline despite 2 trips to the vet with no specific diagnosis . She was 15 plus , so " old age " for a cat who kept me company through the day for the last 4 years . Will be missed . Love , Dad I wrote back to Dad : " So sorry to hear about Number 9 . Curiously , our cat of 18 years , " Joe " , died the same day . I buried him this weekend in our yard . Sunday was warm enough to dig a pretty big hole . " Joe arrived to our house in 1995 as a newly born kitten with his mother , who I thought would surely die of malnutrition . Bob had brought the whole " kit and kaboodle " home from the plant where he worked in the city . Momee Cat , the mother , was a stray that got knocked up as all unspayed cats will eventually do there , and since we had young children at home at the time , Bob thought he 'd bring them all home . ( Little did I know that this would be the first of about 5 litters of cats I would eventually be asked to take care of : de - flea , medicate , sometimes nurse , spay , neuter and place in homes ) . All told , I think we 've been responsible for placing nearly 40 cats over the years . Joe was one of 5 kittens ; we raised them all , and found homes for all but Joe , a sibling Mo , and the mother , who we called Momee Cat . Mo was eventually given to a family that wanted a cat , actually we gave them Joe and Mo , but Joe freaked out and hid in a closet for a week , so we got him back . Momee Cat , the mother , lived until about 2008 or 9 . This past year , I 'd been treating Joe for Diabetes for a few months , but he finally succumbed . I felt that we owed it to Joe ( treating him for his health problems ) not just for his incredible amount of years with us , but for what he 'd been through with all these events : he 'd Lived it . But something tells me being 18 didn 't help . We officially now only have 1 cat and 1 dog . The thing about Joe and Number 9 both dying on the same day is just one of many strange coincidences that have occurred , especially with out pets . I thought it was exclusive to the dogs , but maybe the cats are also somehow linked . And then one last thing to mention about the day that I buried Joe in the yard . I was digging and of course had my head down focused on my task . I had just finished placing Joe in the grave I dug , wrapped in an appropriately black and white towel , and was dressing it up with leaves and pine boughs . I thought Bob might want to come over with me and say a few words as we said goodbye to Joe ; he was out poking around in the yard cleaning up " Sandy " stuff . At the moment I thought I was finished , Bob called to me to quick look at something . I did as soon as I heard him , but the thing had passed and I missed it . What Bob had been calling to me to look at was his first ever sighting of a UFO streaking across the sky . This is the way he described what he saw : It was just like a cylinder , it was shiny , reflective metallic . I thought it was the fuselage of a plane , with the sunlight reflecting off of it , it was just going across the sky , just like plane would , I could see it through the branches of the trees . It was the light that caught my eye , the sun reflecting on it , and then just like that , it shot off straight up , a straight line upward , like no plane would ever be able to do . I tried to get your attention , but it was gone in a flash . Dang . I wish I had seen it . What was the significance of this the day we buried Joe ? Anything ? Who knows ? Are there truly any coincidences ? ? I think not . I was curious about this incident because I 've been hearing on C2C about a site you can go to and report and / or check out UFO sitings . It 's called the UFO Reporting Center : if you ever witness something that you would like to catalog or to check on something you witnessed , here is the place to do it . And yes , there were numerous sitings in PA during that period , nothing specifically HERE where we are , but Bob was pretty sure about what he saw . I wish that he had reported it too , to be logged into the database . I found some pictures on the internet of the cigar - shaped cylinder that Bob saw , and he said this one pretty closely resembled his sighting : Woke at 12 : 12 briefly last night , then woke at 1 : 15 AM in a total sweat . My fan was off … . . Nuttah had been there earlier in the evening , just visiting . She sat on the bed . I guess she could have turned it off , but I dont know why she would . Either way I was drenched , really don 't like summer . Then later that evening , Bob called me at work , our usual nightly phone call before he goes to bed . What he was to tell me gave me chills every time I thought about it after that . We 'd been having some work done on our house for the better part of the summer . This is all still the fix - up work of that hurricane in August of 2011 - Irene , which is the 2nd hurricane that flooded our house . The contractor ( name is " Dave " ) that was doing the work had stopped over in the early evening to pick up a check to get paid . Bob invited him to sit outside on the deck and have a beer with him . Dave accepted , and they sat out facing the creek and drinking their beers . They were chatting about this and that , both of them like to fish , and that is the usual topic . Bob told me that he was just casually gazing at the woods across the creek , and suddenly , out of nowhere , he spots a line of Lenape braves in the woods , cruising along as they are hunting . He starts , alarmed , stops in mid - sentence , and glances over to see if Dave might have seen them too . Dave is as white as a ghost , and suddenly gets up , saying , " Geez , think I better go get something to eat , this beer is going right to my head . " He departs without saying another word , his beer only half finished . There was no doubt in Bob 's mind that Dave saw the hunters too . I wish there was some way that I could tell Dave that he wasn 't just imagining it , that he is not crazy , that he saw what he saw . But how do you bring that up ? I can 't . I simply must stay mum about it , course I pretty much announce it to the world here , but Dave lives on our street and knows a lot of people we know , so it just isn 't possible . I 'm sure Dave by now has found a way to rationalize what he no doubt saw .
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On 18 Feb . 1966 John Kerry signed a 6 year enlistment contract ith the Navy ( plus a 6 - month extension during wartime ) . On 18 Feb . 1966 John Kerry also signed an Officer Candidate contract for 6 years - - 5 years of ACTIVE duty & ACTIVE Naval Reserves , and 1 year of inactive standby reserves ( See items # 4 > >& $ 5 ) . Because John Kerry was discharged from TOTAL ACTIVE DUTY of only 3 years and 18 days on 3 Jan . 1970 , he was then required to attend 48 drills peryear , and not more than 17 days active duty for training . Kerry was also subject to the Uniform Code of Military Justice . Additionally , Kerry , as a commissioned officer , was prohibited from making adverse statements against his chain of command or statements against his country , especially during time of war . It is also interesting to note that Kerry did not obtain an honorable discharge until Mar . 12 , 2001 even though his service obligation should have ended July 1 , 1972 . Lt . John Kerry 's letter of 21 Nov . 1969 asking for an early release from active US Navy duty falsely states , " My current regular period of obligated service would be completed in December of this year . " On Jan . 3 , 1970 Lt . John Kerry was transferred to the Naval Reserve Manpower Center in Bainbridge , Maryland . Where are Kerry 's Performance Records for 2 years of obligated Ready Reserve , the 48 drills per year required and his 17 days of active duty per year training while Kerry was in the Ready Reserves ? Have these records been released ? Has anyone ever talked to Kerry 's Commanding Officer at the Naval Reserve Center where Kerry drilled ? On 1 July 1972 Lt . John Kerry was transferred to Standby Reserve - Inactive . On 16 February 1978 Lt . John Kerry was discharged from US Naval Reserve . Below are some of the crimes Lt . Kerry USNR committed as a ReadyReservist , while he was acting as a leader of Vietnam Veterans Against the War : 1 . Lt . Kerry attended many rallies where the Vietcong flag was displayed while our flag was desecrated , defiled , and mocked , thereby giving aid and comfort to the enemy . 2 " A . L . " Steve " Nash , MAC Ret , UDT / SEAL > > SEAL Authentication Team - Director AuthentiSEAL > > Phone 707 438 0120 > > " The only service where all investigators are US Navy SEALs " > > www . authentiseal . org Well we are on to day 2 of school , and it wasn 't any easier leaving my baby on that play ground today ! I was talking with a friend today about over protective parents , and I will admit that yeah I am over protective . I think most parents are in this day and age . There are to many weirdos in this world for us not to be a bit on the over protective side . You hear about it all the time , even here in our little town of about 50 , 000 people there are weirdos . A few years ago we had a soccer coach that was caught molesting a few of his team members , I would kill someone for molesting my kids . There would never even be any police involved , they would just be here one day and missing the next never to be found again ! I think that anyone who molests children should be tortured and then killed , and I think the parents should be allowed to do the torturing and killing ! It should be the law , but there are those few in our society that don 't think that way . Anyway back on track here , I am an over protective parent , but I still want my boys to become responsible , productive members of our society . I try not to smother them with my over protectiveness , and more times than not I have stood back and closed my eyes when they are doing something I think is dangerous , like riding on the seat of your bike and trying to let go of the handle bars . They need to understand that they are responsible for their actions , and if doing something dangerous gets them hurt after I have told them that they will get hurt , they need to understand they made that choice , and all I can do it be ready to kiss their booboos , and tell them I told you so . I am not saying I allow them to run with sissors or sword fight with steak knives that would just be stupid of me . I am just saying that I try to control my over protectiveness . It isn 't always easy for me to do . I would love to be able to control everything they do , but I know that is not really my job as their parent . My job is to teach them right from wrong , my job is to try and make them responsible lioh and here is something interesting http : / / www . skype . com / download . html Friday I met my mom half way between her house and mine so she could take the boys home with her . We got there and they all loaded up and then the middle one , who usually has no qualms about going with his granny looked at me with panic in his eyes and said " I don 't wanna go mama . " I told him he didn 't have to go if he didn 't want to so he ended up coming home with me . Well he has never been alone , he doesn 't know how to be alone , he has always had one of his brothers to play with . I discovered that the middle child requires a lot of attention ! He did not get 2 feet away from me or Steve the entire weekend , and he needed to be entertained the whole time ! So we spent Friday and Saturday playing with him , and didn 't get much else done . Then Sunday I took him with me to mom and dad 's to get the other 2 , and I am so glad they are home to play with him ! They had Wright days , which is a little town celebration at moms , so they had a parade and a lot of fun stuff for the people to do . The oldest won 2nd place in the fishing derby with a 9 and 1 / 2 inch rainbow trout , he won a tackle box and was very proud of himself ! They have a little pond there that they stock for the kids to fish in . I got them home and today was the first day of school for the oldest , he is going to 1st grade this year . It isn 't any easier leaving him at school this year than it was last year . I work up with a knot in the pit of my stomach and I am so sad , this feeling lasted everyday of the school year last year , and it is already starting again . I cried all the way home , and I am on the verge of tears just writing about it . I have to take both the oldest and the middle on Wednesday , and this feeling of depression and saddiness is only going to get worse . I hate the fact that they go off and leave me . I don 't know what I am going to do next year when I have to leave all 3 of them . At least there is only 3 hours and 15 minutes until I can go pick him up . He was excited and when we got there he just jumped right out of the van and ran off to find his Jenn Ohh a link I forgot to add a link ok click on the link and it will take you right to the forum for the contest ! Come and play . It is fun . I was cooking dinner last night and the boys were all out front riding their bikes with Steve . So I have everything cooking and walk outside to watch them for a few minute before I have to get back to stirring the dinner . I see my oldest and he actually has a helmet on his head , this was strange my kids never wear them even though they all own at least 2 . I have tried to get them to wear them , but it is futile . I give Steve an inquiring minds want to know look , which he didn 't quite understand so I had to ask " What is up with the helmet ? " To this my husband just points with a blank look on his face , as if he doesn 't quit no what to say , so I turn and see my oldest performing stunts on his bike ! I see him hauling balls down the hill standing on the seat of the bike attempting to let go of the handle bars ! Oh lord it begins , once he starts this the others are sure to follow and then all I can do is stand by and be ready with the key when we have to go to the emergency room . He sees me and begins yelling " look mom look . " I ask where the hell he learned such a stupid thing , to which he replies , " I just taught myself . Take a picture of me doing stunts mom . " Well of course I go in to get the camera so I can take his picture of this stupidity , why I wanted to encourage him I will never know . Posted by It makes a really loud bang crash , and the glass is impossible to clean up ! For some reason my dear husband put a wooden swinging screen up on our back patio door , he muttered something about " there now quit bitching about the bugs coming in the house . " We had a normal patio sliding screen on and after replacing it at least 3 times every summer he decided that a swinging one would stay put and the dogs and the kids would quit knocking it off the track therefore I would quit yelling about bugs and flies and other strange things venturing into my house . He was right they have not managed to knock this one down , and the bug population inside is down considerately ! He did mention that he hoped it didn 't slam into the glass after he installed it , and said he would fix that on his next days off which came and went and the door was forgotten . The wind is blowing with hurricane force however and it did managed to bust the screen right through the glass patio door the is glass everywhere , and the more I scoop up the more I find . I will never get it all picked up . The lesson for today is never ever put a swinging screen door on the back patio unless you like cleaning up glass ! Lucky me it only broke one pane of glass , so I fixed the damn thing , how you ask ? Yes I thought about nailing the door shut , but then I would have to take the dogs out the front door and around to the gate to let them outside , and well lets face it I am much to lazy to do that and it would intrupt valueable internet time so I nailed a 2x4 to the porch so that next time it swings open it will hit the board instead ! Mom came by today on her way home from seeing my grandparents in Colorado . I always love when she goes this time of year , she comes home with wonderful treats for me . This time she brought peaches grown in Palisade where my grandparents live , and Colorado sweet corn and it is really good . I gave her a sack of cherry tomatoes to take home with her from my garden . She also brought back a huge Texas watermelon straight from Texas . My grandparents were there a few weeks ago , that is where they are originally from Texas , and I still have lots of family that live there . My grandparents moved to Colorado many many years ago , long before my mama was born , and they have lived in Colorado most of their lives really . Even though my granny has been in Colorado longer than she ever lived in Texas you can still get a hint of that Texas drawl when she says something to you . I was raised with words like " y ' all " and I will never pronounce Colorado any other way than Colarada . I have always called my grandparents granny and grandaddy . Growing up I remember some of my friends thinking it was funny that I had a " granny " most everyone else had a " grandma " now my kids have a granny too . I was also raised on southern fried foods like okra , I never knew it was an acquired taste , I have been eating the stuff since I was little and I love it . I know the difference between real corn bread and that sweet stuff some people try to pass off as corn bread , and I know that making biscuits and gravy is an art form and no one on earth can make them as well as granny can . I never knew that iced tea didn 't go with every meal , and you were not suppose to give it to children . I was raised on it and so are my boys . I was raised this way because my mama was raised this way and so was her mama . It is funny really my grandparents don 't live in Texas , but that is where our roots are , that is what we know . I am a Wyoming girl and I would never be completely at home in Texas , but I can speak the language thanks to my grandparents and their upbringing . PostedJenn The boys all have colds , not real bad ones just little running nose and cough . The last time they all got real sick they ended up giving their crud to me . I hate getting sick , I always seem to get a lot sicker then the boys . I think that is because I spend a week running myself down taking care of them . So anyway the last time I was sick I was running a fever , a high fever at one point when I checked it my temp was all the way up to a 104 . 6 . Well a fever that high will cause strange things to happen , and you really can 't function right . So we had been listening to Toby Keith and when I finally did get into bed I passed right out . I had the realest strangest dream I have ever had in my entire life . I dreamed that I was Toby Keith 's tour manager , and he is a very demanding person I will tell you that ! I had to arrive in every city that hosted his concerts , and make sure things went well . I had to check everything , the hotel rooms , the food on the menu 's , the weather outside , I mean everything had to be just perfect or he would throw a fit . I am sure he isn 't like that in real life , but he was so demanding in dream land that he caused me to have a nervose break down and I ended up in the mental ward of some hospital . It was such a real dream that I would hear one of his songs a week later and it would make me so mad all over again . I think that my dream was telling me that I was wearing myself down trying to take care of the boys and I needed to rest or I was going to end up in the hospital , and Toby got thrown into the mix because I had his music on before I had gotten into bed . It was the strangest dream I have ever had though . I hope these colds are gone quickly and I hope that I don 't get one too ! I have to admit I am not much into the summer Olympics . I like the diving competitions , and I will watch some of the swimming . Even some of the track and field events are not that bad , but I flipped it on tonight and thought I would caught some of the games . To my utter amazement and disbelief was a sport I am sure everyone was tuned into watching with anticipation , yes I am talking about the mighty sport of the trampolene ! The excitement , the thrill , what the hell is this ? I am talking about the big thing kids fall off of in their back yards and break their arms , the thing my kids sneak over to the neighbors to jump on . Yeah that thing . When did the trampolene become a sport . I can 't remember the last time I was watching ESPN and heard " stay tuned after this , the national trampolene event is coming up and you don 't want to miss that " or the last time I heard someone say " When I grow up I wanna be a trampoleneist . " I would really love to commentate one of these events to " and look at her go , she is really getting some air on that thing , she is about 10 feet high , no 20 no 25 feet high now . Look at the bounce . " I mean really what the hell else can you say . What happened to real sports ? That is why I am a winter sports kind of person , in the winter Olympics you would never see such things as trampolene . I admit they do have curling , but at least that takes some kind of skill , how smart do you have to be to bounce up and down on a trampolene ? For the love of God people it isn 't a sport , how can they even pretend it is a sport ? I am baffled and down right confused , I know that doesn 't take much to get me in that state , but this is just not right . OH and guess who is back Randy I just read his post and I know a few of you have been wondering about him . Well he is blogging again after getting back from a trip home to see his family . For everyone who doesn 't know Randy yet he is stationed in Korea right now , and his wife and 2 sons are at home in Houston TX . So head over and tell him welcome back to blogland . My baby is the little comedian in our family , he loves to be funny and ususlly is . He has decided that he is going to school this year with his brother 's no matter what I say . We got them all new backpacks for the new school year , and he insisted he needed one to , so of course he got one . Now every morning he gets up , gets dressed and puts his backpack on and wears it all day , saying " I am ready for cool now . " He is sure he is going , and the sad truth is he isn 't ! He isn 't going until next year , because he is only 3 , and he is my baby and I am not ready for him to run off and leave me just yet , it 's bad enough the other 2 are in school already . So anyway I told the baby that he was not going to go to school and he has decided that he will go live with his granny , there are 2 reason he wants to go live with her . She is his favorite person in the world , he loves her more than he loves anyone , and he is sure she will let him go to school . My mom isn 't that typical spoil the children kind of grandmother . She doesn 't buy them lots of toys everytime she see them , and she doesn 't give them their way all the time . She has spanked them all on several occasions , and they have needed it , she treats them the same way I treat them really , but she loves them almost as much as I do . They know she loves them , and they love her . The baby thinks she is wonderful , she is his best friend , just ask him and he will tell you " I lub my dranny the berry best . " I don 't know if mom really wants a 3 year old living with her however much she loves him though . She will take him for a few days , but she is always happy to give him back so she can rest up for the next time she gets to spend time with them . I really don 't want to let him go live with her either . I kind of like having my sweet little baby around . You all know that Steve and I have not been getting along very well , and I have thought about divorce a lot over the past year . Things came to a head and we have been fighting and talking a lot about things . I think it is good , because before we did not fight and we did not talk . The fighting is much better than the silence and ignoring each other , but that is not what this post is about . This post is about Steve , and why I am with him , and the person he is and the person I want him to be . Steve saved me from an abusive relationship , without him I would never have gotten out . He made me believe that I was worth something more . He took me when I was at the lowest point I have ever been , and he picked me up , dusted me off , and gave me the strength to get on with life . He boosted my ego , and made me feel safe in a world that I knew was not safe . He was funny and we laughed all the time , he loved to make me laugh . We talked about everything , and did not keep any secrets . He knows everything about my past ; he has never questioned it or judged me for anything I had done . I know everything about his past and I have never questioned or judged him , not that his past is very questionable he was mostly a responsible kind of guy . Steve showered me with attention , and we all know I do so love attention . Steve is a kindhearted person ; he has a very gentle soul . He wears his feeling on his sleeve , and is hurt very easily . He likes to pretend he is tough , and can take anything without it affecting him , but I know little things tear him apart . He is a good provider for us , he hates his job , but he goes everyday because he knows the kids need fed and clothed . He loves the boys something fierce and he would kill or die for them . He loves me with all he has . He is a good man . He does not believe in hitting women , and he finds the good in other people most of the time . He has a hard time talking to me about what is bothering him , because he is scared that he will hurt my feelings . Steve is also a jealous person , him and my oldest often struggle with each other for my attention . He is demanding with my attention , and if I am not giving it he pouts , he pouts a lot , and that drives me insane . He is insecure and thinks I am going to run off with anyone who comes along . He does not understand that after days with the boys all by myself that I just do not have anything left emotionally for him , and he takes it , as I do not love him . He does not get the fact that I just need a little me time , before I can give anyone else anything . Then there is the drinking , he has always been a drunk since the beginning . I am tired of him being gone for a week coming home on a Friday night drinking all night , and then sleeping all the next day , getting up and doing it all over again . So we are trying to work through this mess we have created for ourselves , and I need him to stop drinking or we are never going to make it . I know that it will be hard , alcoholism is a sickness . I know that he will need outside help , and I do not know if he is willing to get it . He says he will try , and I grew up with an alcoholic father , so I know the pattern . I guess time will tell , but he knows if things get to this point , again , I will take the boys and I will leave . I am not going to live like my mom did , I am tired of being bitter and hateful , and I am not going to wait 20 years for Steve to sober up and see all he is missing . I am trying not to have the attitude that he is going to fail , but like I said I know the pattern so it is hard not to look at my marriage as over already . I guess only time will tell , and I just have to do the best I can I love cold rainy day for the most part , but with the rain and the mud and the cold the boys are stuck in the house . They have thousands of dollars worth of toys to play with in here , cars and trucks , race tracks , action figures , games , guns , stacks of books , you name it they own it , but yet they say they have nothing to do . How can they have nothing to do ? I finally told them to go clean their room , they didn 't like that idea either . I swear they are never happy . The oldest told me he needs some video games , and I told him to get a job and buy some . I am really mean that way . I think kids need to be doing something active , not sitting in front of the TV all day playing video games . My oldest is getting to the age where he visits his friends at their houses from time to time , and all I hear is how so and so 's mom lets him play video games , and how mean I am because I don 't . I have seen these kids that sit day in and day out in front of a television playing these games , they are over weight inactive , lazy little brats for the most part . I am not saying all kids who play video games are that way , but I know quite a few who become that way as teenagers , and I don 't want my kids being that way . However if I have to hear " mom we don 't have anything to do " or " we 're bored mom " one more time I may get them their own tv and every video game on the market just so I don 't have to listen to how bored they are anymore . The internet seems to bring us together . I have found so many great people here , that I am proud to call my friends . Tricia is one of those friends , she is one of the best friends I have . We just clicked from the moment we found each other in this little blog world . I feel like I have known her forever . I have laughed with her , and cried on her shoulders , and she has never failed to be there for me . Now I am worried with her , as Zach , one of her sons get ready to have heart surgery . You can go to Tricia 's site and read about the surgery , it is going to make life a lot better for Zach . He will be able to do all the things he loves to do again , without making his mom worry sick ! I know he will do just fine , and everything will go well , but it still doesn 't stop me from worrying . That is what friends do , they share those moments with each other , and I know that until the Dr . comes out and tells Tricia that everything went wonderfully she will be a nervous wreck . She will sit in the hospital and wait and wonder what is taking so long and every horrible thought will go through her mind , as she watches the clock and waits . She is his mom , and that is what mom 's do worry and love our children . I can 't be there with her to hold her hand and hug her and tell her everything is going to be fine . I can 't sit and talk with her and try to take her mind off of every minute that passes , and I would so much love to be able to do that for my friend . I know the surgery will go great , and I know that Zach will be a lot better after the surgery , but I know that until Tricia can see him and touch him she will be worried , and until I hear from her I will be worried with her , and for her and for Zach . I love you Tricia girl and just because I am not sitting there with you doesn 't mean that I am not thinking about you and your family . So if everyone could send all their love Tricia and Zach way that would be great . My 3 year old is the sweetiest boy in the world . The other day I was sad and he climbed into my lap and said " I dist love you so much momma , I am going to marry you up . " Then last night he was talking to his Aunt Jo on the phone , and he told her " I am gonna marry you up , aunt Jo , and dranny and mom too . " His brothers in all their older brother wisdom told him " you can 't marry mom she is already married . " Oh they do so make my world a brighter place . I can see you got your eye on this old cowboy , and I can tell you ve never had one for your own , Or you 've never been around one , now you re thinkin ' that you 've found one , Well it might be kinda fun to take him home . You giggle every time that I say yes ma ' am and I get this feelin ' if I held you tight , You 'd be seein ' his and hers , buckles boots and spurs , But that s a feelin ' you ll get over overnight . CHORUS Cause whatcha ' gonna do with a cowboy when that old rooster crows at dawn , When he 's lyin ' there instead , of getttin ' out of bed and puttin ' on his boots and gettin gone , What you gonna do when he says honey I 've got half a mind to stay , What you gonna do with a cowboy , when he don 't saddle up and ride away . You can see it takes a special kinda woman to put with the life a cowboy leads , Cause his boots are always muddy , and his beer drinkin buddies will camp out on your couch and never leave , Don 't even start to think you 're gonna change him , you 'd be better off to try and rope the wind , What you see is what he 's got , and he can 't be what he 's not and honey you can 't hide him from your friends . CHORUS She was a party girl , always fun to be around . She had a knack for making everyone around her laugh and pay attention to her . That was the problem , she always demanded attention , and she had a need for it . Mostly she craved the attention of men , but unfortunately the men she seemed to attract were not the kind she would bring home to meet the family . That is how she met him being a party girl , hanging out with all the wrong people . Drugs and booze were the standard in her life . She was fun when she got lit out of her mind and couldn 't remember the crazy stuff she did . Yeah , fun , but it also helped with the excuses she told herself the next day . The drugs and booze always allowed her to be someone else , a game she has master now . Inside she was dying to fit in , with the crowd . Inside she had a need as hot as fire to make them like her , no she needed them to love her . It was at one of these parties that she met him . He was gorgeous , and she never dreamed he would give her the time of day , but he did . He showered her with attention , and she loved it , as she always did when men came into her life . It didn 't take long until they became lovers ; it never seemed to take long . Her self respect was long gone after years of drinking , drugs , and men . This one seemed to know just how to play her , and he wanted more than the others did . He told her pretty lies , she knew they were lies , but she needed to believe them . He told her he loved her , and in a way he probably did . She had been his and only his from the first night they met . They moved in together , and were happy for a little while , until she stopped the drugs and drinking . She slowly started to grow up and want things in life , a future , only to find that he could careless about giving her one . She started cutting off ties from her past , because he owned her . She couldn 't leave the house without his permission , so in order to keep him happy she gave in to his demands . She threw herself into her job , longing for more and more hours at work so she wouldn 't have to " I don 't know did you look over there on the coffee table ? " She said . In her heart she wished her sister would call the cops , but there was no way she was going to piss him off more than he was already . He lunged toward her as she hung up the phone , she buried her face with her hands , and he started beating her about the head and neck . His fists came down like hammers on her head ; she could hardly make a sound . She whimpered for him to stop , but he didn 't . She was afraid to fight back , afraid it would provoke him more . She was afraid he was going to beat her to death . She tried to think what had she done to cause his rage , she must have done something . When the fists stopped hitting her , and she heard him walk off , she slowly opened her eyes . She got up and bolted for the door , and almost made it to the car , when he grabbed her arm and jerked her around so she could see the gun pointing at her . " Get in the car . " He demanded . Frightened for her life she did as she was told . He got in behind her still holding the gun pointing at her head . She started the car and he gave her directions . She was in a panic , afraid if she messed up just once he would kill her . He made her drive to a deserted gravel pit , and told her to stop . " I am going to kill you , you fucking bitch . " She still doesn 't know where the courage came from , but she was calm all of a sudden . She often thinks that looking at death gives you the courage to fight . She looked him square in the eyes , she was unshaken now . He grabbed her and pulled her to him . She wrapped her arms around him and they cried together , and she knew she would come out ok . Bruised and battered , but with her life . He took her home and they make love , she was willing to do anything to keep him from beating her more or killing her . She was planning her next move as she lay there in his arms , and he told her all the usual lies . He was sorry and he would never hurt her again . He told her how much he needed her . She lied and told him she loved him , and would never leave . Fear will make even the most honest person lie . The next day she got out of bed , stiff and sore , and beaten , he was gone . She called her friend and he came and they loaded her belonging in a truck and trailer , and she never looked back . He would show up where she worked and try to follow her home , but she would never go home when she knew he was following her . The people at work always walked her to her car and they never left her alone anywhere he might be . After awhile he quit following her , and moved on to a new creature to lash out on . She often feels guilty , because she never told the other woman what she was in for , but the guilt doesn 't last . She knows if he had not found another he would still be tormenting her . I do not usually talk about me here . Mostly this is a place where I tell stories of the boys , and just chatty stuff . Today I just feel the need to talk about my life . I find it hard to blog about the things that bother me , or the stuff that I am dealing with . It is not easy to tell a bunch of strangers just how I feel , I guess I am scared of appearing weak . Weakness is not expectable in my life . I am strong and can deal with anything and come out on top at least that is what I try to tell myself . I am not so strong really , I am as fragile as a child is , and I break easily . I deal with many people who have hurt me by building walls and blocking them out of my life . I have done that with Steve a lot . I do not think I will ever be able to let him back in . We have had many problems for years now , well sense the beginning really . He drinks too much , and I tend not give a shit about anything . I forget to pay bills , and I leave the dishes in the sink for weeks at a time , I just get a whole I do not give a shit about anything attitude , because I know it will piss him off . I am working on that attitude , because I have to care for the sake of my boys . It has become a vicious circle around here , and it finally came to a head just before I took my trip to Colorado in July . A few weeks ago I left , and went to my mom 's intending on getting a divorce . Steve and I do not talk ; we do not really even fight . He pouts , and I get pissy and avoid him . I left and went to moms with the boys . He wanted to know if I would come home , and we could talk things out . I ended up coming home , because when it comes right down to it , I do not want to be a single mom struggling to raise three boys alone , and he does not want to be a part time father . I have been here for almost 2 weeks and we have yet to talk about anything , we just go on as if nothing ever happened . We smile and play with the boys , and act as if we are happy , when we are both miserable . Steve is a very insecure and jealous person he hates the fact that I am on the computer and hPosted by Mom has had my oldest since we went to the lake on Sat . I miss him so much it is unreal . He is a chatterbox , always talking , and my house has been so quiet even with the other two still home . I miss his rattling on and on about nothing , I miss him entertaining his brothers , and I even miss them fighting . I miss holding him , and I miss his little loving arms wrapping around my neck , and his " I love you mom " , I miss tucking him in at night , and those sweet little goodnight kisses . I miss him sneaking into my bed at 3am . I miss him so much it hurts . I know he has been in good hands with people he loves and they love him almost as much as I do , but I wish that he wouldn 't stay gone so long ! It seems like just yesterday when he would beg to go to granny 's and the next day I was going to get him because he missed me . Now it is I am staying all week mom , and he does . How do they grow up so fast , he is only 6 , what am I going to do when he gets old enough to have his own life ? I love all my boys so much and there is something special about each one of them , but me and the oldest have a special bond that is just a little different then I have with the other two . The oldest is my little man , he likes to take care of mom , and he loves me more than he loves anyone . I am just glad I finally put my foot down and said he had to come home today ! Posted by OK that isn 't really how it happened . Collin thinks he is busy at work , and begged me to start the game , ok ok so he didn 't really beg . He said I could if I wanted to , and we all know what it is like waiting around for him to do it ! JayJay won the last round , great job Jay ! So he picked the words , so blame him if you don 't like them , I had nothing to do with it ! HEEHEE ! Here they are : You have until sunday to post a story this time , that is like 6 days people , and you know which people I am talking about . I won 't meantion any names , Collin and Derek K , because that would just be rude to point out some people are not playing ! The theme this time will be porn , NO I am kidding the is no theme so write about whatever you feel like writing about just write ! Oppps forgot to link it up ! ! ! here yes click here and it will take you right to the spot you need to be to post your story . Come on people you know you want to . I hear tale that many people actually enjoy the heat ; I am not one of those people . I prefer the cool weather , and I actually love the snow . I like the vast blanket of white that covers the ground as far as you can see , and the crisp air that shows each breath you take . Winter is much better then the blistering heat of summer for me . The summer heat makes me hot and cranky . I sometimes forget this and do stupid things like go to the lake where it is even hotter . That is what I did this weekend . I took the boys to Glendo ; we met my parents there and proceeded to find their boat , which daddy had some friends pull out ahead of time . Well the day started fine . We drove out and found the boat , and then took off to the dock , only to find that the water level is so low this year the dock is about 10 feet from the waters edge ! This is not good ; we have to use the dock to get this 20 - foot pontoon into the water . After a little argument between mom and dad , we head back the 12 miles to the marina , as that is the only dock on the lake that is in the water . We load the kids and Sadie , mom 's dog , on the boat , mom and I get on and dad proceeds to back down the half mile of ramp , almost dropping us over the edge a couple of times . At that point I think he would have happily drove us over the edge if his beloved grandchildren had not been on the boat , we were all already hot and bitchy . Thank God , for the boys they saved their mom and granny from a horrible fall over the rocky cliff to our death , I knew I had kids for a reason ! We get the boat in the water , everyone is in a better mood , and off we go on our journey into the sun . Dad as usually has planned this trip to include some of his buddies , but has neglected to inform mom before hand . So we spend about an hour and a half , cruising the waters edge looking for these people that dad knows . Then dad decides , finally , to let the boys ' fish ! My middle one loves to fish . He can cast his pole out and sit for hours waiting for that whooper to nibble on his bait . The other two arePosted by I have been cleaning the bathroom . I hate cleaning the bathroom . Why do little boys have such a hard time with aim and when do they learn to shake it off so it doesn 't dribble all over the seat ? I swear and the back splash doesn 't help either ! I should have taught them to sit down and pee everytime and then it wouldn 't be so bad ! They all love to pee outside maybe I should just make them go out there with the dogs ! They would think it was cool I finally changed my mind about them peeing outside and I would be an awesome mom in their eyes ! I don 't know if the grass would last though , and it has taken forever to get the grass to grow in as good as it has . I am damned if I do and damned if I don 't it seems . I will just have to keep cleaning the bathroom I guess ! Ok I am getting ready to go do the lake thing for the weekend with the boys ! We shall see if they can out fish their grandpa , they usually do . I think that is because grandpa is to busy helpping them fish to actually get a line of his own in the water ! Hope everyone has a great weekend , and I don 't get burned to a crisp ! I was gonna post last night , but decided to watch Halidgo first . I went to put it in the DVD player and the damn thing wouldn 't work . I was getting a little frustrated as I kept hitting the power button and nothing was happening . I unplugged all the wires and slid the DVD player out of it 's little whole . I tip it forward and it sounded like I had just hit the jackpot on a nickel slot machine . I had to take the whole thing apart and dig out the $ 2 . 58 in change , mostly pennies . I asked who put all the change in it and the baby proudly says " it 's my piggy bank " I had to tell him if he used my DVD player for a piggy bank again I would have to send him to live somewhere else , which to that he just said " I wanna live with dranny ! " very excited that I may finally let him go live with her . He loves his dranny more than he loves anyone in the world . If you ask him who he loves he will tell you " I love my dranny , and then my mom . " So I get the DVD player put back together and it works again . It is late by this time so I have to put the boys in bed , and I told them they better stay in bed tonight , because I was mad . They told me all the stuff I wanted to here like yes they would stay in bed and they loved me and all that . I kissed their little faces and squeezed them tight , thinking the whole time Viggo is waiting ! I headed back to the living room , put the movie in and sat down . " Mom I have to pee " So they all got up and went pee , and then they got a drink , and then they all came in to get one more kiss , and then they needed me to fix their blankets , and finally I sat on the edge of the bed and sang them a few song , because they don 't know I am a really bad singer yet , and they finally went to sleep . Oh alone with Viggo at last ! I got to watch my movie , and what more could a girl ask for it was Viggo the cowboy , and he plays a good cowboy ! Everytime he said " Ma ' am " I got shivers ! It was a really good movie , but it was so late when it got over I didn 't have time to post ! I find it interesting that there are people that never take an interest in what is going on in my life , and then all the sudden they show up on my blog . Boom out of the blue there they are just when things are not going so good , and they think that I don 't know who they are or what they are up to . I don 't think it would bother me so much if they had been here all along , but they show up to spy on me . They show up trying to gather information , not because they enjoy reading what I write or because they like me or anything like that , they are simply here to see who I am talking to and when I am online and things that are just plan nobody 's business but mine . It has only added to my anger . I know everyone that visits my site , and how long they have been visiting . I know a lot of my family reads this and a lot of my friends and I am so glad you guys are here weather you comment or not I know your here , and I thank you for being here . I am sure the people I am talking about know I am talking about them . They should also know that this is my space , my little place to be , and they are invading that space . This is a public blog and your more than welcome to come and go as you please , but I just want you to know that I know your here and I know why . Well I am home . I have been at my moms for the last few days . The boys all got hair cuts while we were there , and it was nice to just sit and visit with my parents . I enjoy spending time with them , and so do the boys . The boys want to move in with granny and grandpa , and honestly I would let them somedays ! Mom has a bunch of high school kids around her neighborhood , and last night we were all outside , and some of them stopped to talk to mom . The baby was on the porch with me and he looks at me and said , " Granny is talking to some girls ! " He flew off the porch and proceeded to tell the girls he wasn 't shy , and he liked to dance , " I do that all the time " he said . Then he did a little dance , and said " see I just did it all the time again ! " They thought he was pretty funny . We came home today and went to the store and got some food , because these little monsters of mine will eat a person out of house and home , and then go beg from the neighbors ! So I am off to put away all our wares . Posted by
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Tom has been investing in the Mighty YJ again . He ( we ) are into the money pit for another $ 1200 . This is the second trip we 've accomplished since it was re licensed . It did involve taking it to an automotive shop . They had a hard time troubleshooting it . After the last back country trip , he had taken it to the Credit Union , and it would not start . We towed it back home that night . Tom took his time and was able to determine that the wiring harness was faulting . He re - wired it and we 've had little trouble since . That is , until yesterday afternoon . We chose to run trails above the Central City area . We started in Idaho Springs and took the ' Oh My Gawd ' road over the hill and into Central City . The Central City / Blackhawk towns are sites of casinos in Colorado , so there is a lot of traffic . Until you get up the hill anyway . Then , it is still busy , but with a different kind of driver . These drivers are the type that have to be reminded to " Keep the rubber side down . " It really does not involve much in the way of obstacles , though . Just rock covered trails with enough rocks , large enough to keep your driving interest . We got to the base of a challenging hill referred to locally as , " Yankee Hill . " There was a thunderstorm brewing , but we thought we had enough time to make one good run at it . No more than that as it was becoming an electrical storm . Tom wondered out loud if he should turn the Jeep off . I influenced him to as I got out to set up the GoPro camera on the bumper . I got back in after I started it . The jeep would start , but hesitantly and it would not run for any period of time . It started to sprinkle . We had to use the Jeep to motivate us as far as we could go at any one time . The first half mile was uphill . Tom put the Jeep in gear and basically used the starter to motivate us up to the crown of the hill . It was a drain on the system , but it is a fortified double battery system and it can do it . It did do it . The downhill run was mostly a coast . Keep in mind that it was a coast down a jeep trail . We did well until the front passenger tire planted itself up against a tall , solid rock . We were able to get over it using the starter / battery system again . The Jeep crawled over the rock . Of course , the back tire lined up to the same rock and stopped us again . Crank , crank , up and over again . Eventually , we made it to a neighborhood road . Rough still , but much easier than the trail . We parked the Jeep at the side of the road . We had to . The storm had let loose with rain , lightning , thunder and then the hail came ! Sami was with us , but the jeep is a learning situation for a dog . With every trip she gets better at riding in the jeep , so she was loving the break we were taking . We looked down at the two lane blacktop highway below us . It looked like it was covered in snow , literally looking like Christmas in July . We were not of the best moods to adequately enjoy it , though … As the storm tapered a bit , Tom tried starting the Jeep again . It fired up ! We did not pass go , We did not collect $ 200 . We just beat feet to get home . No problems on the way or since . Tom took the Jeep to the credit union this morning with no problemTelevision - A Homemade Entertainment Solution Usually , after a race like the Bolder Boulder on Memorial Day morning , I would write a race report . I will write a race report soon , but for now ? Entertainment , The Homemade Way ! Over 2 years ago , I stopped making major purchases in home entertainment . I dropped DirectTV and their programming packages . I did not subscribe to a cable service , or to another satellite serve . I did not go cold turkey , either . What I did do was to build a HTPC Home Theater Personal Computer . Originally , I would use it with some USB stick TV OTA ( Over The Air ) tuners . In the Denver area , we receive several television networks . These antennas generally come with software that will allow you to ' bring ' in the television signal and put the picture on your home television . The software works and will also provide a DVR ( Digital Video Recorder ) so that you can record shows so you can watch them when you want to . Isn 't that the heart of the matter , though ? I really want to watch shows when I want to . Do I use that software ? No . I bought commercial software . I had one from a previous project , SageTV . This software is really good but it is hard to fine - tune . I went looking for other . I found SnapStream 's Beyond TV http : / / www . snapstream . com / products / beyondtv / . I found it to be easy to setup and use . It can take as many antenna tuners as you can provide . The HTPC can also browse . I can go to TV websites , such as network sites , or pay services such as Netflix , Amazon or Hulu . I can also go to any website for vacation planning or exercise logging . It is a multi - purpose solution . There are other options that I use now . I have an xBox game system that I bought for games . I do use it for games now , but mostly I use it for television viewing . It would not be fair to say that I do not spend anything for TV . The HTPC and the xBox are paid for . But I do use 2 paid services . Both are VOD ( Video on Demand ) . One is Netflix . The other is Amazon . I am also an Amazon Prime member . I order a lot through Amazon and the Prime membership gives members 2 day free shipping . There is a Kindle Lending Library , and the other service provided is Amazon Prime Instant Videos . The cost of the Prime membership is $ 79 . 00 per year . It is paid once per year . It is a cost of $ 6 . 60 per month . I watch both Netflix and Amazon Prime on my xBox now . Netflix has a baser quality . Amazon has a very nice HD picture . Well worth it for my entertainment dollar . I did try other services such as Hulu , Crackle or Hulu Plus . I didn 't like them . Hulu alone can kill their own service with all of the commercials they put out during a show . There is a downside . When I travel and stay somewhere , I really do not like the cable or satellite television services . Without a DVR or website access , you actually have to watch what is on at the time I am watching . What kind of entertainment is that ? The Television Networks are trying to outlaw DVR software . Not just from software developers , but from the big 3 in cable and satellite . " Television networks are having a busy month trying to stamp out new TV - watching technology , including telling a court that skipping a commercial while watching a recorded show is illegal . Yesterday , Fox , NBC , and CBS all sued Dish Network over its digital video recorder with automatic commercial - skipping . The same networks , plus ABC , Univision , and PBS , are gearing up for a May 30 hearing in their cases against Aereo , a New York startup bringing local broadcast TV to the Internet . EFF and Public Knowledge filed an amicus brief supporting Aereo this week . " - As reported by https : / / www . eff . org / deeplinks / 2012 / 05 / tv - networks - say - youre - breaking - law - when - you - skip - commercials . We are stuck in the middle of this debate . Some excellent presentations are possible through the sponsors and through commercials as sold by local channels . Does that mean that If I choose to get a drink while a commercial plays , that I am breaking the law ? At least , I am consistent ! I was last in my age group at the Priarie Punisher ( notice the spelling ) in Lamar , Colorado . It was a great event and I had a lot of fun ! A duathlon is a multi - sport event . I ran the short course in this event . That consisted of a 2K run , a 15K bike , and then another 5K run . In between these separate events , there is a transition . The transition is in a controlled area . You prepare for the next event there . For instance , getting your helmet on , changing to the bike shoes , getting gloves on , etc . I do not want to swim . I have no interest . That probably hails back to when I was a youngster , got water in my ear canal , and experienced my first cast of " Swimmer 's Ear . " That is an extremely painful malady in which the ear canal becomes infected due to water staying there . There is swelling and pain . Did I mention Pain ? Lots of pain . Suffice it to say that I don 't want to swim ! So , the duathlon seemed the way to go . You can register for an event of your choosing , but you cannot choose the weather during the event . The night before the event it rained . It was dark , cloudy and wet . If I sign up , I want to show up ! Evening preparations included all of the usual gear plus cold weather gear plus rain gear . I got up . It was early . It was way too early for an evening shift worker like me . First thing I did was go to the front door and look out . The sidewalks were dry ! Great sign ! Made a quick cup of coffee , had some oatmeal and some juice , then loaded the bikes on the car . I grabbed my gear and headed for the car . Getting there was a challenge . As the event is held in Cherry Creek State Park , I - 225 runs right up to it . As we headed down I - 25 , we found out that I - 225 was closed due to a pretty bad accident that happened over night . We had to take an alternate route , but arrived in plenty of time to get the bibs & the chip . The bibs ? Yes , three of them . One for the bike , one for the bike helmet , and one for the shirt . We got our packets . We ? I have a friend . His name is Tom . He has a fascination with things athletic . I think that he thinks that I am an athlete , too . It was his idea . I blame him . We took our bags , our bikes , our helmets and our packets to the transition area . We stored our gear in a bike rack next to each other . We set up our bibs and generally got ready for the challenge . Notice the headband ? " Combat your inner Couch Potato . " I forgot that I chose that particular one to wear . I kept seeing people look at me intensely , then get a grin on their face . I finally figured out why . I got this and one other when I attended the expo at the Seattle Rock and Roll full marathon in 2010 . I still wear them both . The other one ? It says , " Shut up and run ! " The event started late due to the same car accident that slowed us down coming to the event . Everything was delayed 15 minutes . I was in the " C " wave . We started at around 7 : 30 AM . It was a 1 . 2 mile run . It got the bones warmed up . I did the first run slow . When it is a multi - sport event , it is best to conserve your energy so that all of the events can be accomplished . On the way in to the transition area , a pit stop was necessary . There is a saying in athletic events , that if you see an empty Porta Potty without a line , use it ! I did . It was quick and I went to the transition area . I strapped on the helmet and buckled it . I put on a glove so both were covered for the ride . Then I attempted to change shoes . The bike shoes refused to cooperate in any way . When I finally got them on , my Transition one time was 2 minutes and 41 seconds . I mounted the bike at the right place and started my ride . The first thing that I noticed was that the bike computer was not reading . The sensor was off somewhat on the back tire . I should have checked that before the ride . I had been using the computer in practice as it gives me speed , distance , and cadence . I tried the ride as I thought it felt in practice . I did OK , passing some , and getting passed by a lot of others . It seemed as though the ride was facing into the wind all the way ( and it was a loop trail ) . Riding the Tower Loop on the Motobecane bike ! It took much longer than I expected it to . I turned in toward the transition for transition 2 . I got changed . Again , it took a long time . Transition 2 took 2 minutes and 10 seconds . I was on the 5K run now ( 3 . 1 miles ) . It seemed that my legs were made of lead . I tried to pick up the pace and did alright . My second run was faster than my first . I got passed the whole way , but it was ok . The trail followed the reservoir water closely and was a joy to watch people and places along the run . I came in last in my division . Thats OK , though , as if I had run in my age division , I would have come in last again . Like I said , I am consistent ! Remember , though , that I did beat all of those " Couch Potatoes " out there that choose not to exercise ! A duathlon is a multisport event . They consist of a run , a bike ride , and a run . I did the short course , so it was a 1 . 38 mile run , a 7 . 25 bike ride , and a 1 . 38 mile run . I did the event and completed it . I am a duathlete ! The Prairie Punisher Duathlon was held in Lamar , Colorado on the morning of April 14 , 2012 . Now , if you did not know it , my birthday is April 14th . . Yes , that 's right - The date that Abraham Lincoln was shot and the date that the Titanic struck an iceberg . A friend of mine bought my entry into the race as a birthday present . We arrived in Lamar in the afternoon of Friday , April 13 . Lamar is the county seat of Prowers county in Southeast Colorado . Colorado ranching and melon growing country - At least that was my perception . We checked into the hotel , then went to get some supplies ( water , coffee filters ) . While at the hotel , I asked the desk clerk if she had ever heard of the Prairie Punisher Duathlon . She hadn 't . I asked the grocery clerk if she had ever heard of the Prairie Punisher Duathlon . She hadn 't . Based on that information , we decided to go to the park it was being held at ( thanks for the wonderful GPS systems we have available to us now ) . There was not a clue of anything happening the next morning . I began to have some trepidation regarding the event . We discussed healthy options for Dinner . There were many places that we could eat . We decided on Pizza Hut . Pizza hut restaurants in smaller towns are a throwback to a great family restaurant . Every Pizza Hut in the Denver area seems to be ' take out ' oriented . We 've lost something . Both of us had salad bar and shared a medium pizza . It was great . So good , that I probably over ate . 5 : 30 AM comes earlier to a man that works the swing shift . I set the alarm to be loud and it was ! I got up immediately , started the coffee and got dressed . As does happen with these events , the heart started to step it up a bit . The hotel had a continental breakfast , so I went there to get something to provide the energy needed . I was disappointed that this breakfast did not have oatmeal ( the true breakfast of champions in my opinion ) . I had some Kashi cereal , some apple juice and a bagel with cream cheese instead . When we could not find much information the night before , we went back to the website again . It said that the event would start at 8 : 00 AM . To be prepared , we got ready and got to the swimming pool parking lot by 7 : 30 AM . We planned on taking here and putting her in the back of the car as we competed . She is a good dog , good with people and patient with children . We let her out of the car with the leash on her , but soon it came off . She was even watched as we ran . After I registered and got my number 70 , I watched as others set up . Some duathlons are a lot like professional triathlon events . I was prepared with a towel to lay stuff on . I observed that most people just put their helmets on their bike shoes on the ground . Their bikes were hung on the bike rack . For the first part of the event , I made sure my running belt was on with the number attached , with the cell phone and the car keys along with a pack of Peanut Butter GU in the pouch . I set up tracking software on my cell phone ( There 's an app for that ! ) I was ready to go . A crowd gathered of both participants and supporters . we were called together and were informed of the path for the runs and for the biking parts . By 8 : 05 , everyone was registered . They called us over to the start line . The countdown started and we were off ! It was a small crowd . all were ready and looking forward to it . We laughed and joked , but you could feel the anticipation as an under current . The starter yelled , " Go ! " and we were off ! We ran the perimeter of Willow Creek park for both run parts . Starting at the swimming pool parking lot , we ran South to start . With every run , people eventually their place in the pack . We did that , too . I made good time on the first run . I entered the transition area , and found other bikes still there . I felt optimistic . I put my helmet on and was able to change shoes quickly . I grabbed the bike and walked it out to the street . I got on and headed North , starting the ride portion of this . The course was around the park again but clockwise this time . At the southern end , we headed south on Memorial . We rode that until the road turned to dit . We took a short jog to the west where we headed North on Main street . During the ride , I was able to pass 3 other riders . At the ' Taco John ' restaurant , we turned east on Memorial again . Soon , Willow Creek park was in sight . I headed up the West side of the park and got off the bike at the street next to the transition area . I walked it in , took off the helmet , changed shoes , and took off for the final run . I was starting to drag and felt it . But to my surprise , I was able to make good time . When I crossed the finish line , I completed it in 1 hour and 20 seconds . That is just about where I trained to finish . I was very happy with the results . My benefactor for this bit of fun was Tom . I found out that Tom finished the short course in 53 minutes . He was at the finish line ringing a cow bell and encouraging other runners as they finished . Both Tom and I were tired . We discussed leaving prior to the Long course finishing . I went to the judges table to say goodbye . I was informed that I just had to wait for the awards ceremony . They were not going to let us go early . I like that kind of attitude . Of course , they wanted the best for Yam . When it was time , they told her about the facts of life . They warned her about going out and getting half - baked , so she wouldn 't get accidentally mashed , and get a bad name for herself like ' Hot Potato , ' and end up with a bunch of tater tots . Yam said not to worry , no spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her ! But on the other hand she wouldn 't stay home and become a couch potato either . She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her shoestring cousins . Story : That cookie looked good . I came in from a run hungry . It was justsitting there . I knew it wasn 't mine , but I wanted it . I pulled some stuff off of the table and let it fall to the floor . Now , the dog should get blamed . I went over to her and scratched herunder her ears . I smiled at her . When family has a farm , even the extended family is needed at harvest time . We went to Kansas every year for the wheat harvest . The older brothers were involved in the harvest , but my sister and I were left at the farm house and yard . In 1961 , I was 8 years old . I remember the farm but in a dim , vague way . A sink in the kitchen with a hand pumped water faucet . The outdoor privy , the barn , the windmill , the cows in the outer yard . I wondered how I could resolve my memories to what actually was . Why , once upon a time , my sister and I climbed the windmill . We were happy with ourselves as it was a big , huge wooden structure . We skirted the catch pool , we climbed the ladder ! This thing was ours ! Then ? The cows came in . Imagine 2 very young kids at the top of a windmill , not getting anyone 's attention and surrounded by large animals of the bovine influence . It is a good thing that the two older brothers showed up ( eventually ) to rescue these two terrified children ! I talked to my brother , Clint , about it . He made a similar trip about 20 years ago . He asked if he could go with . Suddenly , a suggestion , an idea , was now a reality . We would go and look ! Clint flew in on the 20th of July . I worked a split shift , so I could go and get him from the airport . We got ready that night , and did some final preparations the next morning . We were out for a relaxed trip , so no schedules ( or real plans ) were set . We took off mid - morning . Just over the Kansas border , there was a large welcome center . It was time for a break , so we stopped . We got a good idea of where we needed to go , got in the car , and headed for Russell , Kansas . Clint has an iPhone and we used that for most of the on - the - road information that we sought out . We knew that there were a few hotels available , so we drove around the town , while we checked out locations . We were also getting hungry , so we checked for restaurants , too . It was a fun drive , checking out Russell . We ended up back near the Interstate highway and the hotels there . We decided to check out the Russell Inn . It seemed nice . We checked in and headed for the room . I did check the bed and bedding for bed bugs . Bed bugs are approaching an epidemic condition in the US , so it takes only a few moments to check and make sure there will be no exposure . We asked about restaurants while we were at the office . It was suggested that we try , " Meridys . " Just across the street and down the block , it was easy to find . They serve a buffet line dinner . It was popular and a the food was good . Especially good was the freshly made mashed potatoes . Other things on the buffet were fried chicken , pulled pork , vegetable soup , pasta , bread rolls , cream gravy , pork chops and a myriad of salad and other side items . First of all … Coffee . I love good coffee in the morning . The problem was that there wasn 't good coffee at the continental breakfast . We drank what was there , but not a lot and it was not enjoyable . We went back to the room and found out about a coffee shop in town . Excited , we packed for the day , and headed out the door . We went to the door of the coffee shop only to find out that the air conditioning was not working and the shop was closed . We tried the door and it was locked . We went next door and asked about the shop . They said that the air had been fixed , but they didn 't think that any of the employees had been contacted or were coming in . We went back out on the street , found the Maundy 's bar and eatery . We got a cup of coffee there . It was OK … We headed for Dorrance . Dorrance is a small farming community about 14 miles East of Russell . We got on I - 70 and drove that short distance . We both agreed on how to get to the Dorrance cemetery . There was a listing for the plots , so it did not take us long to find the headstone for the grandparents on the father 's side . Just up Taylor street from the cemetery , was the house that Aunt Mildred and Uncle Earl had in Dorrance . Memories touched both of us . It looked different , but things do change in a great deal of time . Clint went up to the front door to explain what we were doing . The current owner said that he was going to come out and ask . He said that the Mayor lived just down the street . We crossed the street to talk to a couple outside of another house . They were contractors working on a bathroom remodel . They could not help but did verify the Mayor 's house . They also said that he was having a beer in the town 's single bar . We went to the Mayor 's house and knocked on the door . No one answered . We headed toward the high school . Or , at least , where the high school used to be . The high school burned down a few years ago . The field house and the auditorium / gymnasium is still there . As is the sign . Grandfather White 's funeral service in 1963 ( he was a Christmas death ) was held in the gymnasium / auditorium and the entire town attended . While we were at the high school , a car pulled up . They didn 't say anything , just pulled over and parked watching us . Small town people take care of each other . It is obvious . I walked over and explained who we were and what we were doing . The people didn 't say anything , but nodded and took off . We got back in the car and drove a couple of blocks to the town bar . The Mayor was not there , although he was pointed out to us . He was at the other ' bar ' in town . 2 picnic tables , 3 coolers , and 3 people sitting in the shade . We introduced ourselves and explained that we 'd like some information about the cemetery . We talked for a bit , and then the Mayor went for some keys . While he was gone , the other 2 people explained that they were there for the Summer , and sold beer out of one cooler , soft drinks out of another , and water out of the third . We declined a drink . The Mayor took us over to the city council building . He showed us a map of the cemetery . The map showed people actually buried in the cemetery . Our Uncle Earl was not on the map . The Mayor brought out an old registry book . It was a listing of people that owned lots in the cemetery . Uncle Earl Yarnell was listed on that as the owner of the lot next to the grandparents . At least , that mystery was solved . We headed toward the door thanking him for his help . When we got outside , we wondered if he knew where the old farm house might be . He said he did not . He looked down the street , then looked at us again . " I see Larry is at his shop , " he said , " He 'll know ! " He slapped the side of the nearest car and called out as loud as he could , " Larry ! Larry ! " A guy down the street glanced toward us . He waved , hopped in his pickup and came over . The Mayor explained our situation . Larry looked at us , then said that he thinks he knew where we wanted to go . He gave us simple instructions and we parted ways . We headed back out of town . We followed his instructions . We went out then under the interstate , and on to Homer Street . We followed that East to 200th Street . We turned and followed that a long block or 2 to a driveway . There was an older farm house just a way off of the road . We examined it and the surrounding area looking for things that we remembered . This is a list : We looked about , spent some time there , but it just didn 't look right , though . The house had a mansard roof , there wasn 't a root cellar , and a barn was on property and was complete . We took some pictures , trying to jog our memories . Nothing was coming to either of us . We decided to keep looking . We went back the way we came on 200th , then further East on Homer . The next county road , we turned left and went as far as we could in the little car . There was a windmill in the distance , so we got out to walk it . Outside temperature was about 104 degrees by that time . We walked a while , then checked it out . That wasn 't the right place either . After we visit Dorrance again , we were going to head for Colby , Kansas . An Aunt and Uncle lived their last years in Colby and we wanted to see their graves . We did some internet research and found out where they were buried . I run 5 days a week . To facilitate this weekend I ran 4 days in a row , so I 'd only have to run one of the days we were out . Saturday morning was that morning . I ran a total of 3 . 8 miles . I ran down Fossil street past Wichita Street , to 3rd street . I ran East of there ( including a dog buzz by ) , until I reached a halfway point . I headed West . I passed Fossil but didn 't realize the mistake until I reached Main Street . Well , it would be a longer run than I planned . I did make it back to the hotel . It was hot before I even went out to run . It was really hot when I finished . I got back to the hotel . I did some computer until Clint woke up . I showered and we went to breakfast . We had a bit of coffee but didn 't want much as we were sure the coffee shop would be open today ! Why visit Dorrance today ? The original premise was to see the churches . We were in the Bible Belt , and Dorrance always had at least 2 operating churches . Why , the Grandfather was a preacher and a deacon in the Methodist church . I remembered the Mercantile that was in the town 's largest building . We started there . Although , no longer a store , it is a historical site in the town and did contain some exhibits . As we took more main street pictures , we noticed that Larry was at his shop ( he has an in - town shop for repairing farm equipment - his and others ) . Clint decided to talk to him again about the farm house . We explained what we found , and his thoughts were that we missed the farm house he was thinking that it was . He offered to take us out there if we 'd follow him in the car . We jumped at the offer . We took the same route that we took the day before . Where we turned to go to yesterday 's farm house , he kept going . Both of us looked at this ruin and knew , in a round - about way , that we were once again ' Home . ' There was no way to explain it , but the farmhouse that we knew was right in front of us . Larry did an outstanding thing that we really appreciated . Most of the Farm stead was gone or leveled . The barn had foundation rocks , There was a ruin of a side building to the barn or perhaps a back part of the barn . There was the front yard fence and the backyard fence . The limestone fence posts were still in place . There was a flat spot where the windmill was . There was the cement floor and the seat post for the outdoor privy . The root cellar was there . Most of all ? There was the farm house ! This house was it . We were both sure . It had a gable roof . The root cellar was on the South side . We walked around the house lost in our own thoughts . The walls were built of quarried , large limestone bricks . The East side wall had fallen away from the frame of the house ( part of it anyway ) . There was the bedroom addition . It had been 50 years since the farm had been abandoned . It was recognizable still . We recognized the parlor , the kitchen , the sitting room , and the 1st floor bedroom . We recognized the stairs to the second floor where the children would sleep in the heat when we visited . We could not see the bathroom ( which was installed during the final years . We could not go in . The floor was sure to be rotten wood . Plaster had fallen from all of the ceilings . We never stepped over the door thresholds to look inside . At every doorway and in every window , we experienced new memories . Clint talked of what he remembered and I spoke of my memories . One of Clint 's memories was that my Grandmother would not have the older boys in her house with the dirty clothes from working in the fields . They were required to strip to their underwear outside before they could come in . After a certain phase of their lives it was an uncomfortable thing to have to do . Time was up for this reminiscent period of reflection . It was time to move on . We headed for Russell and a lunch at Meridy 's again . After that , we filled up and returned West on I - 70 . We knew that Aunt Mildred ( Dad 's sister ) and Uncle Earl were buried in the Beulah cemetery . We knew where it was and we found it easily . There was a directory ( with a book ) and we were able to find their graves . We did a car tour of Colby . We found a hotel . We also found a grocery store with dark roast bean coffee . We got some of it , some coffee filters , and knew that tomorrow mornings coffee would be the best of the weekend ! Breakfast the next morning was much better fare than we had been having . They even had a pancake machine , eggs , breakfast meats , and juices . It was a great breakfast . They were people to talk to and we did . All too soon , our time to visit Kansas and explore our past was coming to an end . We packed , loaded the car , and drove back to Denver . The brother , Clint The 2 of us were scheduled to run 13 . 1 miles at The Slacker Half - Marathon in Georgetown , Colorado that morning . The 2 of us ? Sami is my 2 year old yellow Labrador Retriever ! Sami has been approved by her Vet , gone through the training , and is ready to run the race . She is a social creature She just doesn 't know that it will be the longest run of her life so far . As I prepared both Sami 's harness and my running gear the night before , I just had to get a cup of coffee , load the car and go ! Tom , my good friend , offered to drive us up and he also volunteered to help at the finish line . We got parked , got Sami out and harnessed , then headed for the racers bib table . We got no further then a few feet when Sami decided it was time for a rest stop . I carry doody bags in my belt , so it only slowed us down a little . I got our bib number . I was told to wait in a certain line for a bus ( the one that transports dogs ) . I was also told that this year 's race was dedicated to the director 's dog that passed away just 2 weeks earlier . Although I had used Body Glide on my nipples at the house , I planned on combating upper thigh chafe just before the race . Tom volunteered to go get it . While he was gone , the bus arrived and Sami and I were on our way to the start line . The start line for this race was the parking area for the Loveland ski area . My Garmin watch said we were at 10 , 753 feet . We went and got the chip and I fastened on my left ankle . It was slowly warming up , so I checked my racing jacket . Sami and I found the actual start line and waited for the race to begin . Sami interacted with other dogs and , as usual , a lot of us runners talked nervously . This is a great race and is getting more popular every year . The first 2 water stations had water only . I got 2 cups . One for me and one for Sami . We both drank them down and then got going again ! The third water station ( and all of the others ) had doggy pools . Generally , Sami has never loved water contact . She found the pool and drank from it . I could not get her to put her feet in the pool , though . That certainly changed as the race progressed . We talked to quite a few people as we ran . A lot of runners were not used to running with dogs on the course . It made for some fun conversations . A lot of runners were impressed with Sami and her running skills ( and responses to my commands ) . This is a beautiful race course . Mostly and asphalt surface , we ran on trails , through parking lots , some streets and some recreation trails . Every where you look there was something to see . We ran by the Georgetown / Silver Plume loop railroad station and storage lot in Silver Plume , then as we approached the town of Georgetown , the train was at the bottom . We waved at the train as it was starting up the hill . The riders all waved back and pointed . Tom and I agreed that when we were one mile out , I 'd call him . While I was talking to Tom , Sami found some shade and lay down . I felt guilty as I got her up to finish our run . Reluctantly , she got up and we went on . At the mile 12 water station , Sami stood in the pool , drank from it , and then lay down in it . Volunteers manning the station felt her pain ( Sami can be a drama queen ) and poured water over the rest of her . I was able to get her once more and we ran the final 1 / 2 mile uphill to the finish line ! Once thing that impressed me about this particular race is that you can run it with your dog . Everyone that registers does know that dogs are allowed . The race benefits an animal clinic . There will be dog water stations with small pools along the way . There will also be water sprinkler for both runners and animals along the route . She has learned to drink her water from a sports bottle . That is important as I run with an Amphipod Belt system . It is an adjustable system that you can add to or subtract from . I carry the same amount of water for her that I carry for me . Why do I like a belt ? It keeps my hands free . I like that . Which brings me to " Dog needs to be under owner 's control . " I knew she had a harness . I bought it to keep her in a seat belt in the car . I went out to the car for it , but , of course , it was not there . So , I searched every where else . Nope . I still didn 't find it ! So , it became necessary to find / buy another one . Talking with some friends online , I found out about " The Sporn . " This harness was designed to control a dog that pulls on the leash . I ordered one . It came , it was fit to the dog , and Sami and I started to run together using it . The Sporn does not go around the neck . It goes on the chest and under the dog 's front legs . There is padding where the legs meet the body . It is worn as a loose system for easy control . I added an additional Water bottle ' connector ' to my running belt . I ran a 5 foot 1 inch wide leash through that connector essentially making that a leash holder . I connect that to the harness leash connector , and " Voila ! " I have a hands free system . Sami and I have been running in this for a few weeks now . It works and it works effortlessly . It feels to me that she is not leashed . She has some freedom and so do I ! She knows we are going for a run when I get it from where it is kept and I approach her with it . So excited at first , but she handles it much better now being patient with me as we put it on her . You can see it in the picture above . A friend asked me , " What if she runs after something , such as a tree sheep ( squirrel ) or a harebit ( rabbit ) ? " Well , she has . After all , Sami is a dog ! She has great interest in things of that nature . With one start from her , I found myself re - sewing my Amphipod belt . I used a stretch stitch and the belt is holding up now . I have to be somewhat attentive , and watch for / feel for her interests in her environment . Then , the quick command , " Leave it ! " and things go runningly ! My treadmill is broken now . One day , I got on it like most other days , and nothing happened . Well , that 's not entirely true as it will incline . But the main tread belt is not moving ! There are wildfires in Arizona and Southwest Colorado now . Weather conditions are hot and the smoky haze from those fires is funneling in to the front range of Colorado . I 'm trying to get out as early as I can , to beat the heat ( and hopefully not breathe in too much of the hazy conditions .
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I could not point to any reason for my unhappiness . It was rather that because I was , by nature , unhappy , I found reason for unhappiness in everything . It became worse as I got older . Perhaps it was hormonal or maybe it was simply that I was now on the downhill side of my life with narrowing opportunities or reasons for hope . Gradually , I lost the taste for that which I once enjoyed . I ceased to care about the problems of others , both large and small . I stayed more to myself and found less tolerance for the petty interests of the general public . Thank you for visiting . If you enjoyed this post , please follow the blog and / or sign up to receive email posts . New posts every three days . Comments are welcome here or at https : / / www . facebook . com / livesofthedead . I would be MOST grateful if you would share on Facebook , Twitter and / or othe social media . Thanks ! Genius . My greatest sorrow and frustration in life was that I was able to recognize it ; appreciate it when I saw it ; easily discern between the very good , the great and the brilliant ; and yet , I , myself , could not produce anything of such caliber . I could see the tricks and techniques the masters used to imprint their work with their unique creative flair . I was able to read between the lines and marvel at a turn of phrase or an especially apt metaphor . I noticed the nuanced underpainting and the way it brought life to the subject . I could hear the subtle change of key that lodged a melody in the head . And yet was not able to reproduce any of it . I did not begrudge them their success . They deserved it . I only wanted to whip aside the curtain to see how they did it . Was there a trick ? A skill I could learn ? Techniques I might master ? The answer , I found was yes to all those things , and yet , the whole was far greater than the sum of its parts . There was something inside those people , something I didn 't possess . No matter what I did , somebody else did it better . More naturally . More easily . I plugged away at what I did best . I was moderately successful . I was able to earn a living , but few outside my immediate circle sang praises to my talent . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! " Someday " became tomorrow . Tomorrow became next week . Next week became next year , until one by one , the windows closed for me on all my dreams . I never completely threw myself into any of those pursuits . In my heart of hearts , I never believed the things I most wanted were possible . I didn 't think I was good enough to deserve them . I didn 't believe I was clever enough to grab them and hold on to them , even if they were within reach . It was easier and safer to simply fantasize , and perhaps blame others , or circumstances , or even some completely unrelated flaw in myself for my unfulfilled dreams . I never started my own business , which I 'd always fantasized about . Instead , I stuck with my boring but reliable job until I finally retired . It was the safe choice but of course , I have could have achieved my dream unless I 'd been willing to take a risk . Which I was not . I never traveled to all the exotic places I thought I wanted to go ; never explored the world . Truth was , I barely ventured out of my comfort zone . I never went to places where I didn 't understand the language . I worried that I wouldn 't be able to communicate ; that the food would be too strange for me to eat ; that I wouldn 't understand the money and end up being taken advantage of . I always wanted to learn to play a music instrument . Maybe piano . Perhaps guitar . In my fantasies , I was quite good . I would entertain my friends at parties . But in truth , I never took a lesson . Never stuck with anything long enough to even get past the most rudimentary familiarity with a chord or a scale . Most problematic of all , I never really found love . None of those other things would have mattered if I 'd given up those pursuits in exchange for another person 's happiness . But that was not the case . I had several long - term relationships , but the longest one lasted only about seven years . Never a lifetime commitment and all that entailed . Maybe I never met the right person . Maybe I was never ready for it . Maybe I was not open to it . Maybe it was simply not my destiny in that life . I still haven 't figured it out . I thought I loved a few , but looking back , although some relationships were passionate , they were not really loving . I felt no deep commitment in any of them . I was content as long as things were going well , but as soon as things got rocky , I saw no point in sticking around . I 'm not even sure that more of a commitment on my part would have made any difference . Let 's face it , sometimes , you just have to cut your losses . But then , sometimes , you have to see it out past the bad or inconvenient stuff and hope it turns a corner . I was never good at knowing which was which , nor very patient at waiting to see how it would play out . Perhaps the right person might have inspired me to put it more of an effort . Perhaps I was the one who needed to be the inspiration . I never had children either . I always thought that , too , would just happen . But it never did . Never the right time . Never the right person . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! In the village where I lived my entire life , the roads were made of dirt and mud . Those people who could afford to , built their homes from brick or block , cement , and corrugated metal . Those who could not , build theirs of wood , metal scraps , and mud . Nobody had more than four sets of clothing : two for summer and two for winter . Many had only one . Some people had shoes ; others did not . I suppose by some standards , we lived in poverty , but since we had no idea how others lived , we had no basis of comparison , and so we never thought of ourselves as poor . Ultimately , it made no difference to the lives we lived , the lessons we learned , the love we shared , the pain we suffered . The human condition is the same everywhere . Even among those who have so very little , there were the haves and the have - nots . My family was in the middle . We went hungry from time to time , but mostly that was because of the weather , when the crops didn 't do well , or the animals starved . But then , most everyone suffered during those times , as well . From the time I was a young girl , I enjoyed observing people , watching how they behaved , how they socialized with others . In my small village , everyone knew everyone . Keeping secrets was impossible . We knew who was happy in their circumstances and who was not , and why . We knew who loved unrequitedly , who held a grudge , who envied whom . We knew who was stupid and who was wise , who was selfish and who was magnanimous , who could be relied on when you needed help and who you could count on to stick the knife in deeper . There was an old baker in the village who had built his brick oven himself , long before I was born . All the women brought their bread and larger meals to be cooked there . None of them could have built such a hot fire at home because it would have been impossible for a woman ( even with the help her children ) to collect that much wood . It was difficult enough to gather enough to keep a house warm in winter . A fire in the small stove might be enough only to heat a pot of water for tea or to boil an egg or to keep a pot of bits and scraps cooking until it became soup . Of course in the summer , it was too hot to keep a fire going inside . And so we had a communal bakery . Grandfather was a nice man with a good soul . Everybody liked him . If a family could not pay , he would never shame them . He would tell them kindly to pay when they could , even when he knew he was likely to never be paid at all . It was not in his heart to let anyone starve if he could help it . When I was about 8 years old , there was a young man in the village who worked for the baker . He was very full of his own worth , full of important advice for everyone , always telling others the best way to run their businesses even though , he , himself , had no business of his own . He was always telling Grandfather how to improve things , but Grandfather had been in business since before this young man was born , and he did not appreciate the unsolicited advice . Others advised the young man to mind his tongue and do his job , for the old man would eventually pass away and then he could take over the business and do with it whatever he wanted . But he could not wait . So , he moved away to the city , which was very far . He worked there for a few years at something ( nobody really knew ) until he had saved enough money to start his own bakery in the village . When he came back , he built his own oven . In front , he built a low wall to create a kind of outdoor room . There he put some tables and chairs . It became a kind of spontaneous café for men to gather , to drink strong tea and eat a small cake or two , to smoke , to play cards , to discuss politics and religion . The young man thought he was very clever because now he had both a bakery and a café , and was sure he could make twice as much money as Grandfather . The fact is , the bakery was where all the profit was . A café didn 't earn much . These men sat all day with one pot , always asking for more hot water . In his foolishness and ignorance he expected the village women to flock to his bakery , which was larger and of course newer and offered some social activity . What he failed to consider , was that the women did not want to pass through a group of men , on their way to the oven . These women worked hard . They gathered wood and carried water from the well . They minded the small animals . And the children , too , of course . They worked like donkeys from sunrise until everyone in their families was safely asleep . These women resented working hard while men sat idle . They did not want to be reminded of it . It made them bitter . And so , they avoided the place . Soon , with no customers for his oven , the young man could not keep his business open . He lost everything . Ashamed , chastened , and once again poor , he left the village for the city once more . I never saw him again but I thought about him a lot . And from then on , I made it a point to study others and to understand what they wanted most deeply . I quickly learned this was rarely what it appeared to be on the surface . A man might start an argument with someone of a higher status not because he was angry at the man but because he resented his own low standing . To win such an argument was to steal some of that man 's power . A woman might want a new piece of jewelry from her husband not because she needed more finery , but because it showed others that her husband valued her . She craved the status of that ; not his actual love . . A girl might act aloof or tease a boy , not because she wants to hurt him or push him away , but because she likes him and doesn 't know how to express her own feelings . I observed these things closely all my life , and I thought about them as I went about my days . And the more I understood , the more things made sense to me . I didn 't get upset when people behaved badly because I could see through it to the real reason , and I had compassion . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is al Where do I begin to explain ? My sin is something few humans can comprehend . They can understand murder and rape , thuggery and genocide better than they can comprehend my particular crime . This is not to say they accept or sympathize with such crimes against humanity , but they can make sense of the perhaps irrational motivations - the need to destroy , the need for power , the need for money , the need for freedom or supremacy especially after a lifetime of repression . Perhaps even misguided religious fervor . The human mind can understand how such malignancies can develop because they can make sense of the root cause . Not so for me . Even here , looking back , I can 't say I totally understand it myself . It was just a need , a drive I had . It was an attraction that I could not control . I suppose if I were different , stronger , I might have been able to control my behavior , but my feelings ? No . Impossible . For most people , sexual and romantic attraction are age - appropriate . A kindergartner might have a sweet first crush on another child in the class . A twelve - year old boy might try to steal a kiss from a another twelve year old . Teenagers lust after other teenagers . And adults generally mate amongst themselves . Certainly children develop crushes on teachers or older persons of authority , but most adults understand what the child has yet to learn : any sexual relationship would be completely inappropriate and out of balance . I , however , never grew out of my grade - school sexuality . By the time I reached my teens , girls my own age frightened me . I felt too much a child , myself . I sensed they could see right through me . I feared they could see things in me that I didn 't want them to see ; things which needed to remain hidden but which I had no ability to conceal . I suspected they would demand things of me - sexually , emotionally - which I knew I could not satisfy . I feared they would consume me whole or mock me . I kept my distance . I spent a lot of time alone . I eventually learned how to fit in . I wasn 't stupid , just emotionally immature with a tragic lack of impulse control . At first , I 'd just fantasize . There were times when my loving gaze fell too long on a beautiful little girl . The accompanying parent would quickly hustle the child out of my sight , while casting back a warning glare over his or her shoulder . I used to masturbate to catalogs of children 's clothing , filled with adorable models . Even as I did it , I recognized how pathetic I was . I went to a couple of those junior beauty pageants , but they were too creepy even for me . I recognized in the audience , other men with the same feelings as mine and it frightened me . I saw my future , older and just like them . I didn 't want to end up like that , even though I feared I would . One day , when I was in my late twenties , a new family moved into my apartment complex . They had a beautiful little daughter , maybe 10 or 11 . I fell instantly in love with her . I was obsessed . I bought a puppy to attract her attention , which was the perfect ruse . She would come over to pet him . I 'd give her little snacks to feed him . Then , I got her to help me teach him tricks . That gave me an opportunity to be around her longer , with her feeling happy and relaxed . Her pure joy ! Her unsullied innocence ! Her translucent skin that allowed her inner light to shine through ! The way she looked at me with those huge blue eyes when she asked me a question , and awaited my response as if having an audience with the Buddha ! Truly , I was in love . It was as real and deep and meaningful to me as any kind of love is to anyone . I was as nervous and afraid as any inexperienced young man might be about approaching a girl he likes . I didn 't want to frighten her . I wanted her to understand things as I did . I complemented her . Told her how pretty , how smart , how good with animals she was . I gave her small gifts . I invited her in for snacks . ( Her single mother worked , and she was mostly on her own in the afternoons . ) We 'd watch TV on the sofa , and eventually , we cuddled . For her , it was no different than it might have been cuddling with her own father , who had all but abandoned her and whose male attention she obviously missed . But for me , it was absolutely romantic . I was in heaven , just to have her near me , just to smell her hair , to hear her laugh . And then , one day , we got on the subject of boys . She wanted to know certain things about the facts of life , about male anatomy . From where I am now , I recognize that she was just a normally curious kid . Her father was absent and her mother was barely there . I was a trusted adult . Who else would she ask ? I understood it as a seduction . A black curtain inside of me blocked out all normal human emotional logic . In my immaturity , I imagined that she wanted me , as I wanted her . I believed that this was her way of making the first move . It meant she loved me ! I started so slowly and gently , just touching and telling her how beautiful she was , and how sexy , and how much I liked her and how she could drive a man mad . And she liked it . She did . But she liked it because she was just a child and she had nobody else to tell her these things that she desperately wanted to hear . In her own way , she was as needy and lost in the world as I was . Of course , she was just a child and I was the adult ; I should have known better . But it didn 't feel that way to me at the time . Emotionally , we were the same age . In fact , to me , she felt older . She seemed confident but in fact , she was just trusting and naïve , and was thus not nervous . She had no reason to be . Eventually , we had sex . At the time , in my delusional state , it seemed she desired me as much as I desired her . I realize now that I forced myself too quickly on her . She was not ready - not physically and not emotionally . Even if I 'd gone more slowly , she still wouldn 't have understood . For a young girl who is just beginning to recognize her potential as a woman , to sense she has power over an older man , is a heady feeling , . but is emotion that a ten year old mind cannot process in its full scope . She could not have understood all the ramifications . For her , it was a game : to have a man do whatever she asked ; give her whatever she wanted . That was as far as she thought about it . She might well have played this power game with her own father against her mother if he 'd been around more . It was not a sexual thing . She was just a child , only just beginning to understand her power as a female . She was testing her wings . She didn 't even understand , really , what sex was . She didn 't comprehend the brutality of it on her small body . She didn 't anticipate the pain . Or the terror of having a grown man upon her , essentially holding her prisoner . When I imagine her face now , I know she was terrified . But I didn 't stop . I couldn 't . I was oblivious to her panic . And when it was over , she cried . I tried to comfort her but she wanted no part of me . I will never forget the look in her eyes : they screamed " Betrayal ! " Her innocence was gone and it was all my fault . I had totally misjudged the situation ( because truly , there was some part of me that was missing , and this rendered me incapable of understanding any of the dynamic in what had just transpired . ) I understood after the fact that I 'd hurt her but I didn 't understand how I had so badly misjudged . Maybe I was also angry because I felt we were in it together , that our feelings for each other were mutual , that we both wanted it , and it wasn 't fair that she blamed me after she changed her mind . But again , this was a result of my immature thinking . And in the weeks following , whenever I 'd see her around , she would quickly walk the other way . There was a complete change in her demeanor . She had closed in on herself . She was no longer that open , trusting , carefree little girl . The joy had gone out of her eyes , replaced by shock , sadness , fear , mistrust . I 'd selfishly stolen her innocence . I was consumed by guilt . I knew I 'd done a horrific thing . I knew I had destroyed something in her , and that she would not get over it for a long time , if ever . And yet , I could not stop my desire . The worse I felt about myself , the more I needed the love of an innocent to justify my feelings , to restore my sense of self - worth . I couldn 't bear to see her . I couldn 't bear to have her look at me like that . I moved far away , to another city . Eventually , I went through something similar with another girl , age twelve . It , too , ended badly . And she also never told . I moved away , again . This was the right place for me . I fully felt I deserved it . It was a relief not have to worry about further temptation , because I knew if I were still out there , it would only happen again . There was something broken in me , but I couldn 't change it and I couldn 't stop it and with my limited emotional depth , I couldn 't even understand it . Being in jail for this kind of crime is probably one of the most difficult sentences a man can serve . Even other prisoners are repulsed by such urges . I did not last long in there , which was for the best . I was long out of choices . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! I was born in an unfortunate time . As a very young child , I was taught to walk quickly , keep my head down , never look strangers in the eye and certainly never to speak to them . I learned to blend into the background and make myself invisible . I was too small to completely understand what was going on , but I sensed enough to understand that the adults were deeply fearful . As things got worse and as I began to become more aware of what was happening around us , the fear took hold of me , too , like tentacles . It did not let go . I felt the panic everywhere ; it emanated from everyone . I could smell it in their sweat . I could sense it in the darting eyes , the furtive glances , and the hushed , secretive conversations which ended abruptly the moment they became aware I was in the room . Over time , I could feel it getting worse . Grownups started to disappear . Some neighbors - a father and son - went off to work in the morning and never came home . People said they saw them being taken away . My school friend 's mother went off alone to the market , never to return . At first , nobody could believe the truth because it was too terrible to comprehend . They could not believe that such a thing could happen to them , in modern times , in a modern country . This was not the middle ages ! Soldiers shot an old man in the middle of the street and kicked him as he lay bleeding to death . They laughed . This news sent chills , waves of nausea , horror , terror through the community . One night , the soldiers came to our building . We heard them calling in the street and ran to our places . They weren 't afraid of our hiding . They were on to our game . I could hear them , banging on doors , kicking them in , shooting off their guns . I heard screaming of people I knew . " Why ! ? Why are you doing this ? " they asked . " We 've done nothing wrong ! " they cried . It was like a mouse trying to reason with a hungry cat . I knew what was happening . I 'd seen it a few nights before , when they went to the building across the street . Shivering , terrified people in their pajamas stood outside in the cold , guarded by other soldiers with guns . But this night , I was in my place , huddled in a ball , trying not to sob or make any noise , though I was sure they could hear my heart pounding even in the street . I heard them come into our apartment . It was empty , or so it seemed . Maybe on spite for not finding anyone , or for fun , or out of pure evil or because they were too lazy to really look for us , they shot up our apartment . They laughed and fired bullets everywhere , as if they never had to worry about a lack of them . I found only my mother still alive . The soldiers ' bullets had penetrated the other hiding places and had killed my father , my brother and my grandmother . My mother wouldn 't let me look but I remember the blood dripping from my brother 's secret spot . That night , my mother packed up a small bag with some clothing , photos , whatever small valuables she had , and a enough food to take us only until the next day . She said a few prayers - it was the best we could do , because we could not bury our family properly - and we left . I had no idea where we were going . I don 't think she did either , but we both understood in our own way that remaining there was impossible . I remember walking for a long time . The next year or so was a blur to me . We moved all the time . We lived in hiding , like fugitives , like animals . Some people were kind . They gave us food and shelter , at great danger to themselves , but we were afraid to trust or endanger anyone too much . My mother learned about some people who might provide false documents for us , and we traveled to see them . It was a far and dangerous journey but we had no choice . We were among the lucky ones . We got the papers and my mother found a way for us to leave the country . I don 't know how she did it . She never spoke of it . When I brought up the subject , she closed down completely , overcome with such obvious sadness and pain , I quickly learned never to ask . It was a secret she took to her grave . I always suspected she gave herself to a man in exchange for this favor , and could not bear to think about the shame she felt at betraying my father . She did it for me . This I know . She would not have done it for herself , alone . We went on a boat , across the sea . And later , another boat , across an ocean . We started a new life in a new land . We assimilated as best we could , and had , by outside appearances , a normal life . My mother never remarried . She lived to 91 . The sorrow and fear never left her eyes . I think , until the day she died , she always expected them to come for her and her family again . I married and had children and tried my best not to transfer my lingering mistrust of strangers to them , my mistrust of life in general , nor my paranoia nor my deep sense of loss of the life I might have lived had my world not been turned upside down . I 'm not sure I succeeded very well . I think it was all well - embedded in my genes . Here is what I know : There is no such thing as permanence . The life you think you are living can be pulled out from under you at any time . You comfort yourself with the belief that although such atrocities might have happened in the past , they could never happen again . Humans can be so bitterly cruel to each other , it 's hard to comprehend they are of the same species . Without vigilance , life quickly becomes tragedy . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! I had a perfect life . That 's what everyone told me . I was blessed . Lucky . Other women envied me , wishing even for a slice of my life . They envied my handsome successful husband , my three beautiful children , my large home in the best neighborhood . I was quite attractive and always dressed in the latest styles . I never had to go to work . I was free to enjoy the kinds of activities women of leisure enjoy . I should have been happy . I had what everyone else wanted ; what everyone else was sure would make them happy . I felt there was something deeply wrong with me because even though I had all this , I was profoundly dissatisfied . I was happy enough when my babies were small , until the youngest started school . Suddenly , my days were unfilled . I didn 't quite know what to do with my time . My husband traveled frequently on business and was often gone for days , weeks at a time . I didn 't particularly miss him , but it did leave me lonely for adult company . I joined a club and met some other women who also needed to fill their days . We gossiped , complained , and bragged over cards , over lunch , in the pool . I needed a challenge so I took tennis lessons , and risibly fell victim to that utterly predicable and clichéd story line : attractive but bored , unhappy housewife has affair with handsome , raffish instructor . I craved emotional diversion . I was desperate for my blood to run with passion again , to feel that yearning in the heart and loins . I rejoiced to feel alive and desired . I hungered for it like a drug . He began to appear frequently in my dreams and always in my fantasies . I touched myself , imagining it was his hands on me . Everything reminded me of him . I lived for our weekly trysts . He became the main focus of my thoughts and attention . I needed him like oxygen . The weight of my need was more than he was willing to bear . I was too attached , too needy . I became demanding and weepy . I wanted things from him that were ridiculous to expect from such an ultimately meaningless relationship . I became undignified . And so he broke it off . I could not go back to the club . I could not bear to see him with other women . I could not even bear to be out in public , so raw and so vulnerable . After a while , I 'd drink just until the moment the first one walked in the door . I thought they were too young to notice . ( I was wrong . ) Eventually , I didn 't even care enough to hide my drinking - not from the children who seemed not to need me , not from the housekeeper who was smart enough to do her work and mind her business , and not from my husband when he was around . He didn 't seem to notice me much anymore anyway . Other than civil dinners lacking all intimacy , we mostly stayed to ourselves , him in his part of the house and me in mine . The drinking transformed from something I did to numb my sorrow and loneliness to a genuine addiction . Early on , when necessary , I was capable of functioning out in the world - go to the market , the shops , bank , the hair salon . I 'd have just a quick one before setting out and I could tolerate it for a few hours . I didn 't think anyone knew my secret . ( I was wrong . ) Over time , it became more important to me to be able to drink at will than to be able to hold myself together for the sake of others . I was aware enough to recognize that in my usual condition . I was too sloppy to be in polite company . When drunk , I was prone to doing embarrassing things . I did not want to bring that humiliation on my family . So I stayed at home . Besides , daylight and other humans had begun to bother me . Once , while in the middle of figuring that out , I picked up my youngest son and some of his friends at an after - school event . I was quite drunk . The teachers must have noticed my condition , but they dared not stop me from driving . Although it would have been the reasonable thing to do , it was not their place . On the way home , I swerved off the road on a sharp S - curve and came perilously close to a fatal accident . Fortunately , nobody was hurt , but the children were terrified and I was deeply shaken . As my appearance deteriorated , so did my health . I grew soft and sloppy . My face puffed and my muscles sagged . I looked years older than my chronological age . I had gone from the envy of all to the person everyone pitied , including myself . Towards the end , when my condition was too awful for my family to continue to ignore , they tried to get me some help , but I was already beyond the point of salvation . I didn 't want to stop . I didn 't want to change . I just wanted to remain numb until I died , which I expected would not take long . I knew it would kill me . I hoped it did so quickly . But it was not the drink , itself , that did me in . That was a symptom . What destroyed me was my guilt over not being happy despite all that God had given me . According to everyone else , I had everything a woman could desire to achieve maximum satisfaction . If I was unhappy with all this , clearly there was something wrong with me ; there was nothing that could make me happy . I was too damaged and undeserving of happiness . If I could have assuaged my guilt by giving those slices of my life to whoever could take benefit from them , I would have . Such advantages were wasted on me . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! When I was young , I didn 't have a lot of friends . I was not well - versed in the social graces and did not get much respect . I felt odd and apart from others . In my twenties , I volunteered to do some work for an organization . They were happy to have another body and brain to help the cause . We were all working towards the same goal , and there was a real sense of community . For the first time , I felt I belonged and was a part of something . It pleased me and so I devoted more time . I quickly and mostly unconsciously assessed the group dynamic , even the more subtle , low - level hierarchy . The closer I moved to those in power , the more I emulated them . The more like them I became , the more respect and higher status I attained within the group . I devoted myself to making myself as helpful as I could be to those at the top . I made sure they knew they could trust me and count on me , which they increasingly did . I was always there , ready to do what needed to be done , all in order to make myself indispensable . Initially , I regretted the harm I did to others but I soon convinced myself that our actions were just . In any case , I did not bear this guilt alone . The ones above me , certainly , but also the ones below . Their belief and compliance allowed those at the top to achieve their goals . It was easy to deny my own complicity when I felt myself to be a cog in a machine that was moving forward with or without me . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! I loved pain . I needed to be beaten and whipped , kicked and abused . This gave me not just pleasure but comfort , a feeling that life was in balance . The physical pain masked my psychic pain . In the throes of a beating , nothing else existed except the whip . Lost in the welts and the blood was the guilt I felt for being who I was . In those hours of total submission , I could lose myself in someone else 's control . I was no longer responsible for my life . The snap of leather on my skin kept me in the here and now . There were no other thoughts , no other feelings except that sharp bite . This pain was real , tangible . There were marks on my flesh to prove it . This was not some nebulous , esoteric angst which was impossible to identify . In those moments , I could almost hear my father 's voice . " You want something to cry about ! ? " the lash mocked . " I 'll give you something to cry about ! " It brought all my focus to my screaming nerve endings , and away from my head . It was a trade - off - one kind of pain for another . But physical pain could be healed , comforted , lovingly attended to . This is what grounded me and kept me in the moment . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! I was very good at appearances . My ornate façade was solidly built of bricks and mortar . Traps were set everywhere . It was so impressive , even to myself , I often failed to notice the vulnerability I still felt within . In masking it so well to others , I masked it to myself . In any case , I had no need to face my own weakness - that 's how thick my walls were . Nobody got in . I was so arrogant at my ability to play this game better than anyone else . I was proud of my fortress . While others inevitably showed their flaws and fears , I remained inviolate ; the victorious king in his impenetrable castle . But in the end , what did I gain by avoiding all the lessons I might have learned if I 'd taken the risks ? If I 'd let someone in ? If I ventured out ? I learned that self - protection is not the same as emotional bravery . And very often , by winning , you lose . If you are enjoying this blog , please click the link above to subscribe and receive posts via email ( new posts every three days ) . When you think of others who might enjoy it too , it 's easy enough to help spread the word ! Post your favorite stories to social media . Email a particularly apt link to a friend . Even better , talk about the concepts with others ( whether you agree or disagree . ) Also , I have started a discussion group on Facebook , for conversations about any of the concepts / issues in the posts . Honestly , these are things in here which I don 't fully understand myself . I would love get your thoughts on this … even if you think this is all a bunch of hooey ! Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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When Isabel wakes to find Sean hasn 't come home she doesn 't worry . At first . But when the police turn up on her doorstep wanting to interview him , she has to make a decision . ' Go for it . The rougher the better , girl . ' The man had a black silk blindfold tied around his head . He spoke slowly , his voice thick with desire . Xena went to the door and unlocked it . Lord Bidoner walked into the panic room . He closed the door behind him and pressed the button to turn on the air management system . The scrubber in the roof could remove the smoke from a blazing fire and turn the output into a vapour trail . The navy Calvin Klein silk suit hanging from the stool beside the bed gave an indication of who he was . Lord Bidoner examined the man 's wallet . His bank ID card , a credit - card - sized piece of aluminium with an embedded proximity chip and his family name , Hare , embossed on it , confirmed what they already knew . She was dressed in a low - cut skin - tight black catsuit that fitted her thin frame perfectly . The man laid out in front of them was expecting something memorable from the woman he 'd met in the champagne bar opposite Grand Central , two weeks before . Xena 's story , about being an Ethiopian diplomat 's daughter , and her eager smile , had captivated him . The man pulled on the handcuffs , which began to cut into his skin . It had taken a bit of persuasion , since this was their third meeting , for Xena to get him to go this far , but he trusted her now . And he 'd made it clear that he wasn 't going to put up with any crap . He 'd break the bed if she didn 't release him when he gave the password . ' What 's the surprise ? ' He shook the bed , testing its resilience and the strength of the handcuffs . He 'd assumed they were easily breakable toys , like a previous pair she 'd shown him . But he was wrong . The man didn 't reply verbally . He shook the bed from side to side , trying to break free . He didn 't know that his only hope was if his thrashing managed to separate his hands from his wrists , and his feet from his ankles . And very few people have strength enough to do that . The odour of the burning butane gas filled the room like bad perfume . The sound of the blow torch was a threatening hissing now . Xena placed the tip of the flame against the top edge of the whiskey tumbler the man had been drinking from . The glass turned blue . ' What ? Fu . . . ' The end of that confident word was bitten off by the piercing scream that came from deep within his throat . Xena had touched the flame against the pale skin of his shoulder . He began thrashing . Like a fish flailing . He moved from side to side , squirming away from the skin - blistering heat . But he couldn 't move fast enough . And his legs and arms were stretched out tight . ' If you give it up , I will release you . You can explain these little burns to your wife . But the ones I will inflict next will require hospital treatment . Or the services of a morgue . ' She clicked the flame off , then pressed the hot tip hard and fast into the biggest blister she had inflicted , near his ankle . The man answered with a defiant , animal roar . He shook the bed under him . The last vestige of his pride in working at BXH bellowed out of him . Tears streamed from under his blindfold . His cheeks were red . It was good he couldn 't see the weals on his body , because he would know immediately that he wouldn 't be able to explain any of them to his wife . Lord Bidoner held his nose . He 'd seen enough . He went out to the main room of the apartment , with its view towards the glittering Jazz - era spire of the Empire State Building . Laurence was born in Dublin . He studied business , then IT at Oxford University . After going to England he paid for his own courses and began rising at 4AM so he could study and work at the same time . One early job was as a kitchen porter near the Bank of England cleaning the plates of the well connected . Laurence was first published by a school newspaper when he was ten , for a short story about aliens getting lost . Thirty - five years later , he attended an authonomy workshop and not long after was offered a publishing contract for three books . The Manhattan Puzzle is his third novel . Hi guys ! Got a cover reveal for you ! It 's Halo of the Sun by Laura Kreitzer ! It 's gorgeous ! I love it . ^_ ~ Go check it out below ! No more waiting . War is upon them . The dimensions between the worlds are open and Earth is in chaos . The dead fight the living , and the humans fight the immortals . The streets are stained with spilled blood , and now Gabriella must lead an army of angels to the battle that will end it all . She 's experienced the dark and the light . She 's known truth , family , and love . And now she must make a choice that could tear it apart forever . There 's not much time . The clock is ticking . . . . It all started a year ago in a lab . Is the battlefield where it ends ? Find out in the explosive conclusion to Laura Kreitzer 's Timeless Series . Kazu Kibuishi 's # 1 NEW YORK TIMES bestselling series continues ! Emily , Navin , and their friends continue to battle the Elf King in hopes of destroying him forever , but one of his most loyal followers , Max , isn 't making it easy for them . The crew journeys to Lucien , a city that 's been ravaged by the war . Emily has more enemies there than she realizes - - and it 'll take everything she 's got to get herself and her friends out of the city alive . Ha ! I don 't usually do graphic novel reviews . I should write more but I fly through them so quick . Then I forget to do it . lol The story and art continue to be consistent and fantastic . It has a wonderful flow using a combination of panels and text . Between the images and the text it 's like watching a movie in my head . I loved the whole experience and I have that with every book in this series . Book 6 picks up where 5 left off of which is good . Each book has its own arc which is completed at the end which is good . I love stories like these . The characters each have their own issues and developments which I appreciate . Each book adds more and more to the overall story which is spectacular because this story is not episodic like most comics or graphic novels . This reads more like a continuous novel which I enjoy more . I suppose this is where I start to notice how the story is slightly lacking . It 's extremely minor , mind you . It 's just that there is so much to tell and with adding new characters and subplots , it 's hard to fit that all in one book . I understand completely why it is done because sometimes there are page limits to comics . There is a lot of work that goes into one book and I can only read in awe during each one . Still , this is one of my favorite graphic novel series and I seriously urge you to pick this up if you 're open minded to comic . It 's not just for kids . I don 't even have kids of my own but I love the story . So if you 're young at heart or just enjoy a good read , pick this up . You won 't be disappointed . You might want to pick up the whole series . You 'll blow through them pretty fast . ^_ ~ Jaevid Broadfeather has grown up as a wartime refugee , hiding from the world because of his mixed racial heritage . He feels his future is hopeless , until a chance encounter with a wild dragon lands him in Blybrig Academy - a place usually forbidden to anyone but the rich and royal . But Jaevid 's case is special ; no dragon has voluntarily chosen a rider in decades , so the proud riders of Blybrig must begrudgingly let him join their brotherhood despite his bloodline . Lieutenant Sile Derrick , a sternly tempered man with a mysterious past , becomes his instructor and immediately takes a peculiar interest in Jaevid 's future . While struggling through the rigorous physical demands of training , things begin to go awry . Jaevid witnesses the king 's private guards kidnapping Sile in the dead of night . When none of the elder riders are willing to help him , Jaevid begins a dangerous adventure to save his Everything Jaevid learned at the academy will now be put to the ultimate test . I had never seen my father before my twelfth birthday . Not even once . Up until then , my mother had raised me all by herself in the royal city of Halfax . We lived like all the other gray elves in Maldobar - separated from the rest of society in the heavily guarded wartime ghettos . We had to follow a strict set of rules about where we could go , what we could do , when we got food , and what we could own . If you broke any of the rules , it was an immediate sentence to the prison camps , which I always heard was a fate worse than death . We were supposed to be grateful . After all , we were war refugees . Maldobar didn 't have to take us in , much less provide us somewhere to live . This was their act of charity towards us . Our house was not much more than a tiny shack made of old recycled wood , and it only had one room . You 'd expect a place like that to smell terrible , but my mother was a genius when it came to making anywhere feel like home . She could grow absolutely anything , and that was how she made our living . She grew vegetables , flowers , tiny fruit trees , and strange vines that climbed all over the walls and windows . It made the inside of our house feel like a jungle , and it smelled earthy like fresh soil and the fragrance of flowers . We couldn 't legally sell anything she grew since gray elves weren 't allowed to have any money , but we could still trade . So early in the mornings , my mother packed a sack full of peppers , fruit , vegetables , and anything else ready for harvest , and sent me out to the shops to trade for things we needed . It was a lot harder than it sounds . Not the trading itself , that part was easy , but I had to be very sneaky about it . I was always on the watch for guards , or humans . Gray elf children were rare , even in the ghettos . Any elf living in the kingdom of Maldobar as a refugee was absolutely not allowed to have children . It was forbidden . Having children was a great way to get thrown into a prison camp , or worse . But I didn 't just have to worry about that . It was bad enough to be a gray elf kid , hiding until you were old enough to be overlooked . But I was a halfbreed . My father was a human from Maldobar . So instead of looking at me with anger , everyone looked at me like I was a cockroach . The humans didn 't like me touching their stuff because I was mixed with the filthy , wild blood of a gray elf . If they hadn 't liked my mother 's produce so much , they probably would have turned me in to the guards . The gray elves didn 't like me , either . But there was a very strict code amongst them : you didn 't betray your own kind no matter what . So they ignored me rather than ratting me out to the city guards . I really didn 't fit anywhere , except with my mother . She loved me unconditionally . She was the most beautiful person in the world . Her hair was long and silvery white , and her eyes were like stars . All gray elves had eyes like that . When she smiled at me , her eyes would shine like gemstones in the light , as white and pale as diamonds with faint flecks of blue , yellow , and green in them . When she died , I had just turned twelve . I got the feeling right away that no one really knew what to do with me . I didn 't fit into anyone 's plans . If I were a pure blooded elf , they would have taken me straight to a prison camp . If I were a human , someone would have adopted me . I wasn 't either , and yet I was both at the same time . I think the guards were just baffled that my mother had done such a good job of hiding me for so long , or that she 'd somehow managed to have an affair with a human man . From the very beginning , my father was the most frightening man I had ever known . He was hugely tall , like a knight , and stronger than anyone else I had ever seen . Once , I saw him pick up and pull family wagon while it was loaded with bags of grain all by himself . He could have crushed my neck with one hand if he wanted to . His hair was jet - black like mine , except it was cut short . My mom always insisted I wear my hair long , like gray elves traditionally did . I also had his cold blue eyes that were the same color as glacier water . There definitely wasn 't any doubt he was my father . I looked too much like him for anyone to deny it . I wish I could say that he welcomed me with open arms into his home ; eager to make up for lost time he hadn 't gotten to spend with me . But he already had a family , living on the outskirts of a small city called Mithangol , and he wasn 't interested in adding me to it . I was an unwanted guest right away . He had a human wife named Serah who made it perfectly clear she didn 't want me in her house at all . Serah absolutely hated me . She glared whenever she looked at me , accused me of being responsible for anything that went wrong , and refused to let me sleep in her house because I gave her a " bad feeling . " So I slept on a cot in the loftroom of Ulric 's workshop , instead . As bad as it sounds , I actually preferred it . It was quiet there , and even though it was cold in the winter , I liked the smell of the old hay and the leather that was stored up there . Ulric also had another son , Roland , who was four years older than me . Roland chose to ignore my existence completely . I got the feeling that he was in survival mode , trying to be as aloof and uninvolved with the family as he possibly could until he was old enough to move out . I couldn 't really blame him for that . Like me , he favored our father . He was really tall , muscular , and had the same ice - blue eyes that looked like they belonged to a powerful bird of prey . I was a little afraid of him , even though he never said more than two words to me at a time . I could sense a lot of anger coming from him , and I was always paranoid I 'd be standing too close when he finally snapped . Ulric had two more children , a pair of twin daughters named Emry and Lin . They were six years younger than me , but they were meaner than a pair of hungry jackals . Every day , they tried to get me in as much trouble as possible . Of course , Serah believed every word they said . They would break things , let the chickens and goats out , or steal jewelry from their mother 's room , and blame it all on me . Once , Emry got ahold of the sewing scissors and chopped up Lin 's hair . When Serah found out , Emry blamed it all on me and told her I had done it . Serah believed it , and I got a beating from Ulric as soon as he came in the house . Inventing new ways to get me into trouble was their favorite pastime , and there was nothing I could do about it . They were sneaky and smart , a lot smarter than me I guess , because they never got caught . he made saddles for the dragonriders from Blybrig Academy . But he didn 't just make saddles ; he made the very best saddles in Maldobar . I watched him through the slats and gaps in the floor of the loftroom , shaping leather and stitching intricate pieces together . He did it all by hand , and it took him several weeks to craft one saddle . But when it was finished , each one was the most beautiful thing I 'd ever seen . It made me envy him , even if he probably wished I had never been born . I was stunned . Ulric had never asked me to do anything before , especially nothing to do with his work . This was my chance , I thought . If I could be useful , maybe he wouldn 't hate me so much . He might even teach me to make saddles someday . Ulric left me alone in his shop , and I walked over to the saddle that was set up on one of the big sawhorses . I ran my fingers over the freshly oiled leather . It was as red as blood , engraved with intricate designs and images of mountains and vines . All the buckles were made of silver - plated iron . I couldn 't even imagine what it would look like when the dragon it had been made for would finally put it on . A powerful beast , bound for the skies with a snarl and a flash of fire . It made my skin prickle , and every hair stand on end . I was small for my age . I 'd always been small , unfortunately . Ulric 's stature apparently hadn 't been passed on to me . To make matters worse , I was so skinny that I pretty much looked like a scarecrow . Emry and Lin like to call me " stick boy " because they knew it bothered me . If I were as big as Roland , no one would have tried to push me around . It took all my strength to wrap the saddle up in the quilts so it wouldn 't get scratched or damaged , and then lug it outside . The weight of it made my arms and lungs ache . I could feel myself wobble dangerously if I leaned too far in any direction . I didn 't want to imagine what Ulric would do to me if I dropped this saddle . The knights who rode on dragons just about never came to pick up their saddles personally . Most of them came from rich , powerful noble families , and had plenty of servants to do those kinds of errands for them . So when I saw Ulric standing outside talking to a man in formal battle armor with a sweeping cape of royal blue brushing at his heels , I stopped dead in my tracks . The saddle weighed more than I did , and I almost dropped it in surprise . It was a muggy , overcast day . The clouds were so low and thick you couldn 't see the mountains that hunched over our small city . Even so , the knight 's armor still managed to gleam like liquid silver . He had his helmet under one arm , the white - feathered crest on it tipped in black , and the king 's eagle engraved upon his breastplate . They both turned to look at me as I stood there , my arms shaking under the weight of the saddle , staring at the dragonrider . Ulric scowled darkly , and stomped over to take it from me . He slung it over his shoulder like it weighed nothing at all , growling curses under his breath at me as he went to tie it down to the knight 's horse . The knight , however , was still staring right at me . He gave me a strange look , narrowing his eyes some and tilting his head to the side slightly like he was sizing me up . It made me blush from head to toe , the tips of my pointed ears burning like torches under my long hair . This was a warrior who had probably fought against gray elves for years , and I knew what I looked like . He curled a finger at me , calling me toward him . It made me cringe as I obeyed . I hedged toward him , my shoulders hunched up because I half - expected him to hit me just out of pure resentment for what I was . But he didn 't . When I got close enough , he grabbed my chin in one of his gloved hands , cranking my head around so I had to look up at him . I was shaking all over , wondering if this was it for me . Maybe he 'd crush my head like a grape in his hand . Or maybe he 'd throttle me to death . Either way , I was pretty sure Ulric wouldn 't go out of his way to save me . He might have even thanked the knight afterwards for saving him the trouble . " What 's your name , boy ? " The knight asked me . His voice was deep , but not angry or resentful . He was turning my head this way and that , pulling back my hair to see my pointed ears , and looking me over like he was inspecting livestock . He frowned , looking back into my eyes before he finally let me go . His own eyes seemed dead to me . Dead - like someone who had seen many years in battle and knew what it meant to kill without mercy . " How old are you ? " he asked again . " Fifteen , sir . " I took a few steps back away from him . If he came after me suddenly , at least I had some hope of outrunning him . I was small , but I was fast . Ulric was finished tying the saddle down , and came over with a growl meant to shoo me away . I took the hint and retreated back into the workshop , up to my loftroom where I had a wooden cot piled with old , holey quilts . I went to the small window along the far wall . It was a good place peek at them through the cracks in the boards that had been nailed over it . I could hear them talking , and it made my heart jump into my throat . " Ah , my mistake then . I figured since your older boy had chosen to join the infantry you 'd pass your skill set onto someone else in your family . I doubt your girls would be interested . " The knight rambled on , beginning to stroll back to where his horse was waiting . The new saddle was bundled up and ready for transport . " A shame he 's such a small , sickly - looking thing . " That stung me . Yes , I was small for my age . But I hadn 't thought I looked sickly . It made me angry at myself , and at my inability to grow even a few inches taller . What a difference even two inches and a few pounds of muscle would have made . It scared me out of my wits , making me scramble away in surprise . I hadn 't heard anyone approach , and was half afraid it was one of my sisters . But it wasn 't . Katalina Crookin was probably the only friend I had in the world . Her father was a very good blacksmith who worked with Ulric sometimes , helping him craft unique pieces that required a more skilled metalworker . They only lived about a mile away , so Katty and I had found each other inevitably . She was small and skinny , like I was , with a head full of wild gold curls . She had big dark blue eyes , and just about every inch of her face was covered in freckles . The other kids in town teased her and called her ugly . I knew it must have hurt her feelings , but she never let it show . And when the other kids would come after me , trying to cut my hair or throw rocks at me , she was always there to defend me . . . and no one could throw a rock harder or more accurately than Katty . She had blacksmith 's hands . Katty puffed a sigh of disappointment while shaking her head . It made her gold curls swish back and forth . " I saw him coming up the road . I knew he had to be a dragonrider . Normal soldiers don 't wear armor like that , " she told me . " Can you come over today ? " I didn 't know . Normally , I could 've easily slipped away to visit the Crookins without Ulric or Serah even noticing I was gone because usually , they didn 't care where I was . But Ulric had actually asked me to do something for him today . Not to mention , he and the knight had been discussing my future - or lack thereof . I wasn 't so sure I could get away with leaving without getting caught . Katty was watching me waffle between my desire to go to her house , and the inevitable beating I would get if Ulric ever caught me over there . She smiled . " Momma 's making sweetbread , " she baited me . " With wild honey . " That decided it for me . I grinned back at her , nodding because we both knew what goodies were sure to go along with sweetbread . Thoughts of whipped butter with cinnamon and sugar , and warm milk with a hint of honey , were already swimming happily through my brain as we climbed down from my loftroom . We darted out the back of Ulric 's shop before anyone noticed , and took the narrow footpath we 'd made ourselves through the prickly briars . It was our secret path , so no one would see us . The Crookin 's house was not as big as ours , but it felt more like a home instead of the prison I lived in . Smoke came out of the chimney in the house , and out of the stack for the bellows in Mr . Crookin 's forge . Mr . Crookin didn 't really like me . That 's not to say he hated me as much as Serah did , but he didn 't like me coming around his house too often . He hadn 't minded it so much when I was younger , but now that I was fifteen , I could tell he was on the verge of telling me not to come back anymore . He didn 't talk much , and he had a face that was mostly hidden behind a thick , wiry beard . He wore his long black smithing apron every day , and his face and arms were almost always smeared with soot . Mrs . Crookin , on the other hand , was one of the few people who didn 't make me feel unwanted . She smiled at me when we came inside , wiping her hands on her apron before she pulled me in immediately to kiss my forehead and ruffle my hair . She always hugged me until I couldn 't breathe , and asked me if I was getting enough to eat . " What a good boy , " she said , patting my cheeks until it stung a little . " But still so skinny . Doesn 't Serah feed you at all ? Sit down , Jae . I 'm making your favorite . " Katty plopped down in a chair across from me at their kitchen table , grinning as she slid a plate and spoon in my direction . " There was a dragonrider at his house today , momma . " Her eyes were still sparkling with excitement about it . " Yeah , but he didn 't bring his dragon . " I added , sighing and twirling the spoon through my fingers . Mrs . Crookin brought over a platter of steaming hot sweetbread , fresh out of the oven . The smell made me dizzy with hunger , and it was hard to sit and wait while she put out jams , that delicious cinnamon butter , and mugs of warm milk for us on the table . " Not surprising , is it dear ? It 's nearly springtime . " I knew what she meant . Every spring , Ulric packed up his tools and materials onto a wagon , and left for Blybrig Academy . The new riders started their training just as the weather was getting hot , and Ulric had to take molds and build brand new saddles for them . It was when he made most of his money , but it also meant that he 'd be gone for a while . He was always completely exhausted when he came back . In a month , the snows would melt in the Stonegap Pass , and Ulric would start packing his tools again . If any other knights wanted a saddle from him , they 'd have to get it before he left or wait until after spring . " I wish papa would let me go with him , " Katty whined while she was smearing a spoonful of jam onto a large piece of bread . " It 's not fair . Other apprentices get to go . " " Soon , dear . " Mrs . Crookin smiled fondly at her daughter . They had the same gold colored hair , but Mrs . Crookin 's was flecked with silver . She was a much older woman than my stepmother . Katty was eager to go to Blybrig , not that I could blame her . She wanted to see dragons just like I did . Her father had been teaching her his craft for a long time , and she was already strong enough to do most of the little tedious jobs for him , even if she was small and fragile looking . Mr . Crookin went to Blybrig for spring training , just like Ulric . But he went to make armor , not saddles . " You 'll have to tell me what they look like , " I told her . I wasn 't able to keep myself from sounding sad about it . When she starting working with her father full time , I wasn 't sure where that would leave me . I 'd be on the brink of adulthood with no idea where I should go , or what I should do . I wouldn 't have a skill to sell , or even a place to live . Katty smiled at me hopefully from across the table , leaning forward and grabbing my hand at the wrist . " You 'll see them , too , Jae . Maybe papa would let you be his apprentice with me . " Mrs . Crookin smiled at us , but I could still see it in her eyes ; she didn 't think her husband would ever allow that . They were all right with me coming to visit , and with me being friends with their daughter , but they had to draw the line somewhere . I was still a halfbreed . I didn 't let Katty see how that hurt me . It wasn 't their fault , really . And it wasn 't my place to try to weasel my way into their family business like that . " Nah . " I shrugged and gave her as confident a grin as I could muster . " I 'm going to the coast . I want to work on one of the ships going out of the harbor . I 'll get to see the ocean , and eat fish every night . " Katty looked deflated . I guess she 'd wanted us to work together . Or , she 'd at least hoped I would want the same thing as her . " You 'll smell like a fish , after all that , " she grumbled , wrinkling her nose . < / We ate until there were only a few scraps of the bread left , and Mrs . Crookin wrapped those up for me to take with me . It was dark outside when I started for home . Katty always walked with me as far as the property line , and she had a blanket wrapped around her so that only her face and some of her curls peeked out . " Jae , " she started . I could tell by the tone of her voice she was about to ask me something serious . " Do you really want to go to the coast ? " I 've never been a very good liar . When it came to Katty , well , she could smell deception on me like a hound . I couldn 't lie to her if I wanted to . I quirked my mouth while I thought about the ocean , about ships , and about eating fish . " We 'd never see each other if you left , " she reached a hand out from under her blanket to grasp mine , squeezing my fingers . " After papa retires and I take over the business , I 'll make you an apprentice myself . Then we can work together and no one will be able to say anything about it . " I tried to smile for her . I tried to show her some optimism . But we 'd be in our twenties before her father let her take on any authority in his smithing business , and even then , I wasn 't sure blacksmithing was my calling . It required physical strength , which I clearly didn 't have . We talked about dragons and knights all the way to the property line . Then I gave her a hug , and she kissed my cheek like her mom did , and we parted ways . I walked a few feet into the dark before I stopped and looked back , watching her disappear into the gloom and thorny shrubs . She was the best friend I had - my only friend really , and sooner or later , she 'd have to leave me behind . She 'd outgrow me . She 'd get tired of having to stick up for me all the time . With the bundle of leftover bread still under my arm , I walked back to my room in the loft . Ulric 's shop was quiet and dark , like it always was once he 'd finished for the day . He was probably already inside , having dinner with his real family , and talking about how soon he could get rid of me . Roland was probably just sitting there at the table , glaring down into his plate without a word . The twins were probably throwing food at each other like savages . I didn 't expect any of them to even notice I was gone . Nicole enjoys hiking , camping , shopping , cooking , and spending time with her family and friends . She also loves watching children 's movies and collecting books . She lives at home with her husband , two cats , and dog . After a year of training to become a dragonrider , Jaevid Broadfeather has been sent home to rest during a three - month interlude . But when he returns to find the king drake has chosen Beckah Derrick as his new rider , Jaevid realizes something big is about to happen . Every fiber of his being is pushed to the breaking point as Jaevid battles through his avian year , preparing for the final graduation test of the battle scenario . But there is more standing in his way than a few pushups and fancy sword moves . Jaevid must face a new fear as he is tormented by a gruesome nightmare of a mysterious gray elf warrior murdering the royal family of Maldobar . It seems obvious to him that this is some kind of message about how the war started long ago - until Felix assures him the king is very much alive . With his strange powers growing stronger by the day , and that violent dream replaying in his mind every night , Jaevid no longer wonders if he will pass his avian year or not . . . he wonders if he will even survive it . About the book : Aberthol Nauile doesn 't know that he once led legions in a war that raged since the dawn of time , against an enemy that cannot be killed . He doesn 't know that he rode on a dragon with his father , and saw his mother die while giving birth to him . He doesn 't know that he once saved his great , great , great grandfather by defeating the black enemy on the slopes of a volcano . Aberthol doesn 't know that he beheld the creation of the world , as his grandfather eight generations before took the planet ravaged by a war of the gods and began anew . All he knows is that he awoke in a coffin in a tomb , and now the whole world thinks he is their savior . All he really wants to know is his name , and why he keeps hearing voices in his head . Everything changes when she loses control of her powers and flees the orphanage she grew up in . She desperately wants to be invisible but finds her face plastered on every news channel as humans panic over the possible resurgence of her kind . And now the hunters won 't give up until they find her . Making friends for the first time in her life and falling in love with one of them drives her to discover why she is unlike any being she 's ever met - human or otherwise . The dangerous powers inside of her that would repel Nathan , her new , handsome reason for living , are priceless to some . The locked up forever kind of priceless . And to others , they are too dangerous to allow her to live . When a mysterious boy named Daemon shakes up Sky 's fragile hold on reality , she is thrust into a world where zombies and voodoo not only exist in the pages of a novel . They are hidden in the darkest corners where danger lurks and death awaits . With a price on her head , Sky has to put her trust in the boy with the ocean blue eyes but is Daemon everything she was warned against and more ?
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When Isabel wakes to find Sean hasn 't come home she doesn 't worry . At first . But when the police turn up on her doorstep wanting to interview him , she has to make a decision . ' Go for it . The rougher the better , girl . ' The man had a black silk blindfold tied around his head . He spoke slowly , his voice thick with desire . Xena went to the door and unlocked it . Lord Bidoner walked into the panic room . He closed the door behind him and pressed the button to turn on the air management system . The scrubber in the roof could remove the smoke from a blazing fire and turn the output into a vapour trail . The navy Calvin Klein silk suit hanging from the stool beside the bed gave an indication of who he was . Lord Bidoner examined the man 's wallet . His bank ID card , a credit - card - sized piece of aluminium with an embedded proximity chip and his family name , Hare , embossed on it , confirmed what they already knew . She was dressed in a low - cut skin - tight black catsuit that fitted her thin frame perfectly . The man laid out in front of them was expecting something memorable from the woman he 'd met in the champagne bar opposite Grand Central , two weeks before . Xena 's story , about being an Ethiopian diplomat 's daughter , and her eager smile , had captivated him . The man pulled on the handcuffs , which began to cut into his skin . It had taken a bit of persuasion , since this was their third meeting , for Xena to get him to go this far , but he trusted her now . And he 'd made it clear that he wasn 't going to put up with any crap . He 'd break the bed if she didn 't release him when he gave the password . ' What 's the surprise ? ' He shook the bed , testing its resilience and the strength of the handcuffs . He 'd assumed they were easily breakable toys , like a previous pair she 'd shown him . But he was wrong . The man didn 't reply verbally . He shook the bed from side to side , trying to break free . He didn 't know that his only hope was if his thrashing managed to separate his hands from his wrists , and his feet from his ankles . And very few people have strength enough to do that . The odour of the burning butane gas filled the room like bad perfume . The sound of the blow torch was a threatening hissing now . Xena placed the tip of the flame against the top edge of the whiskey tumbler the man had been drinking from . The glass turned blue . ' What ? Fu . . . ' The end of that confident word was bitten off by the piercing scream that came from deep within his throat . Xena had touched the flame against the pale skin of his shoulder . He began thrashing . Like a fish flailing . He moved from side to side , squirming away from the skin - blistering heat . But he couldn 't move fast enough . And his legs and arms were stretched out tight . ' If you give it up , I will release you . You can explain these little burns to your wife . But the ones I will inflict next will require hospital treatment . Or the services of a morgue . ' She clicked the flame off , then pressed the hot tip hard and fast into the biggest blister she had inflicted , near his ankle . The man answered with a defiant , animal roar . He shook the bed under him . The last vestige of his pride in working at BXH bellowed out of him . Tears streamed from under his blindfold . His cheeks were red . It was good he couldn 't see the weals on his body , because he would know immediately that he wouldn 't be able to explain any of them to his wife . Lord Bidoner held his nose . He 'd seen enough . He went out to the main room of the apartment , with its view towards the glittering Jazz - era spire of the Empire State Building . Laurence was born in Dublin . He studied business , then IT at Oxford University . After going to England he paid for his own courses and began rising at 4AM so he could study and work at the same time . One early job was as a kitchen porter near the Bank of England cleaning the plates of the well connected . Laurence was first published by a school newspaper when he was ten , for a short story about aliens getting lost . Thirty - five years later , he attended an authonomy workshop and not long after was offered a publishing contract for three books . The Manhattan Puzzle is his third novel . Hi guys ! Got a cover reveal for you ! It 's Halo of the Sun by Laura Kreitzer ! It 's gorgeous ! I love it . ^_ ~ Go check it out below ! No more waiting . War is upon them . The dimensions between the worlds are open and Earth is in chaos . The dead fight the living , and the humans fight the immortals . The streets are stained with spilled blood , and now Gabriella must lead an army of angels to the battle that will end it all . She 's experienced the dark and the light . She 's known truth , family , and love . And now she must make a choice that could tear it apart forever . There 's not much time . The clock is ticking . . . . It all started a year ago in a lab . Is the battlefield where it ends ? Find out in the explosive conclusion to Laura Kreitzer 's Timeless Series . Kazu Kibuishi 's # 1 NEW YORK TIMES bestselling series continues ! Emily , Navin , and their friends continue to battle the Elf King in hopes of destroying him forever , but one of his most loyal followers , Max , isn 't making it easy for them . The crew journeys to Lucien , a city that 's been ravaged by the war . Emily has more enemies there than she realizes - - and it 'll take everything she 's got to get herself and her friends out of the city alive . Ha ! I don 't usually do graphic novel reviews . I should write more but I fly through them so quick . Then I forget to do it . lol The story and art continue to be consistent and fantastic . It has a wonderful flow using a combination of panels and text . Between the images and the text it 's like watching a movie in my head . I loved the whole experience and I have that with every book in this series . Book 6 picks up where 5 left off of which is good . Each book has its own arc which is completed at the end which is good . I love stories like these . The characters each have their own issues and developments which I appreciate . Each book adds more and more to the overall story which is spectacular because this story is not episodic like most comics or graphic novels . This reads more like a continuous novel which I enjoy more . I suppose this is where I start to notice how the story is slightly lacking . It 's extremely minor , mind you . It 's just that there is so much to tell and with adding new characters and subplots , it 's hard to fit that all in one book . I understand completely why it is done because sometimes there are page limits to comics . There is a lot of work that goes into one book and I can only read in awe during each one . Still , this is one of my favorite graphic novel series and I seriously urge you to pick this up if you 're open minded to comic . It 's not just for kids . I don 't even have kids of my own but I love the story . So if you 're young at heart or just enjoy a good read , pick this up . You won 't be disappointed . You might want to pick up the whole series . You 'll blow through them pretty fast . ^_ ~ Jaevid Broadfeather has grown up as a wartime refugee , hiding from the world because of his mixed racial heritage . He feels his future is hopeless , until a chance encounter with a wild dragon lands him in Blybrig Academy - a place usually forbidden to anyone but the rich and royal . But Jaevid 's case is special ; no dragon has voluntarily chosen a rider in decades , so the proud riders of Blybrig must begrudgingly let him join their brotherhood despite his bloodline . Lieutenant Sile Derrick , a sternly tempered man with a mysterious past , becomes his instructor and immediately takes a peculiar interest in Jaevid 's future . While struggling through the rigorous physical demands of training , things begin to go awry . Jaevid witnesses the king 's private guards kidnapping Sile in the dead of night . When none of the elder riders are willing to help him , Jaevid begins a dangerous adventure to save his Everything Jaevid learned at the academy will now be put to the ultimate test . I had never seen my father before my twelfth birthday . Not even once . Up until then , my mother had raised me all by herself in the royal city of Halfax . We lived like all the other gray elves in Maldobar - separated from the rest of society in the heavily guarded wartime ghettos . We had to follow a strict set of rules about where we could go , what we could do , when we got food , and what we could own . If you broke any of the rules , it was an immediate sentence to the prison camps , which I always heard was a fate worse than death . We were supposed to be grateful . After all , we were war refugees . Maldobar didn 't have to take us in , much less provide us somewhere to live . This was their act of charity towards us . Our house was not much more than a tiny shack made of old recycled wood , and it only had one room . You 'd expect a place like that to smell terrible , but my mother was a genius when it came to making anywhere feel like home . She could grow absolutely anything , and that was how she made our living . She grew vegetables , flowers , tiny fruit trees , and strange vines that climbed all over the walls and windows . It made the inside of our house feel like a jungle , and it smelled earthy like fresh soil and the fragrance of flowers . We couldn 't legally sell anything she grew since gray elves weren 't allowed to have any money , but we could still trade . So early in the mornings , my mother packed a sack full of peppers , fruit , vegetables , and anything else ready for harvest , and sent me out to the shops to trade for things we needed . It was a lot harder than it sounds . Not the trading itself , that part was easy , but I had to be very sneaky about it . I was always on the watch for guards , or humans . Gray elf children were rare , even in the ghettos . Any elf living in the kingdom of Maldobar as a refugee was absolutely not allowed to have children . It was forbidden . Having children was a great way to get thrown into a prison camp , or worse . But I didn 't just have to worry about that . It was bad enough to be a gray elf kid , hiding until you were old enough to be overlooked . But I was a halfbreed . My father was a human from Maldobar . So instead of looking at me with anger , everyone looked at me like I was a cockroach . The humans didn 't like me touching their stuff because I was mixed with the filthy , wild blood of a gray elf . If they hadn 't liked my mother 's produce so much , they probably would have turned me in to the guards . The gray elves didn 't like me , either . But there was a very strict code amongst them : you didn 't betray your own kind no matter what . So they ignored me rather than ratting me out to the city guards . I really didn 't fit anywhere , except with my mother . She loved me unconditionally . She was the most beautiful person in the world . Her hair was long and silvery white , and her eyes were like stars . All gray elves had eyes like that . When she smiled at me , her eyes would shine like gemstones in the light , as white and pale as diamonds with faint flecks of blue , yellow , and green in them . When she died , I had just turned twelve . I got the feeling right away that no one really knew what to do with me . I didn 't fit into anyone 's plans . If I were a pure blooded elf , they would have taken me straight to a prison camp . If I were a human , someone would have adopted me . I wasn 't either , and yet I was both at the same time . I think the guards were just baffled that my mother had done such a good job of hiding me for so long , or that she 'd somehow managed to have an affair with a human man . From the very beginning , my father was the most frightening man I had ever known . He was hugely tall , like a knight , and stronger than anyone else I had ever seen . Once , I saw him pick up and pull family wagon while it was loaded with bags of grain all by himself . He could have crushed my neck with one hand if he wanted to . His hair was jet - black like mine , except it was cut short . My mom always insisted I wear my hair long , like gray elves traditionally did . I also had his cold blue eyes that were the same color as glacier water . There definitely wasn 't any doubt he was my father . I looked too much like him for anyone to deny it . I wish I could say that he welcomed me with open arms into his home ; eager to make up for lost time he hadn 't gotten to spend with me . But he already had a family , living on the outskirts of a small city called Mithangol , and he wasn 't interested in adding me to it . I was an unwanted guest right away . He had a human wife named Serah who made it perfectly clear she didn 't want me in her house at all . Serah absolutely hated me . She glared whenever she looked at me , accused me of being responsible for anything that went wrong , and refused to let me sleep in her house because I gave her a " bad feeling . " So I slept on a cot in the loftroom of Ulric 's workshop , instead . As bad as it sounds , I actually preferred it . It was quiet there , and even though it was cold in the winter , I liked the smell of the old hay and the leather that was stored up there . Ulric also had another son , Roland , who was four years older than me . Roland chose to ignore my existence completely . I got the feeling that he was in survival mode , trying to be as aloof and uninvolved with the family as he possibly could until he was old enough to move out . I couldn 't really blame him for that . Like me , he favored our father . He was really tall , muscular , and had the same ice - blue eyes that looked like they belonged to a powerful bird of prey . I was a little afraid of him , even though he never said more than two words to me at a time . I could sense a lot of anger coming from him , and I was always paranoid I 'd be standing too close when he finally snapped . Ulric had two more children , a pair of twin daughters named Emry and Lin . They were six years younger than me , but they were meaner than a pair of hungry jackals . Every day , they tried to get me in as much trouble as possible . Of course , Serah believed every word they said . They would break things , let the chickens and goats out , or steal jewelry from their mother 's room , and blame it all on me . Once , Emry got ahold of the sewing scissors and chopped up Lin 's hair . When Serah found out , Emry blamed it all on me and told her I had done it . Serah believed it , and I got a beating from Ulric as soon as he came in the house . Inventing new ways to get me into trouble was their favorite pastime , and there was nothing I could do about it . They were sneaky and smart , a lot smarter than me I guess , because they never got caught . he made saddles for the dragonriders from Blybrig Academy . But he didn 't just make saddles ; he made the very best saddles in Maldobar . I watched him through the slats and gaps in the floor of the loftroom , shaping leather and stitching intricate pieces together . He did it all by hand , and it took him several weeks to craft one saddle . But when it was finished , each one was the most beautiful thing I 'd ever seen . It made me envy him , even if he probably wished I had never been born . I was stunned . Ulric had never asked me to do anything before , especially nothing to do with his work . This was my chance , I thought . If I could be useful , maybe he wouldn 't hate me so much . He might even teach me to make saddles someday . Ulric left me alone in his shop , and I walked over to the saddle that was set up on one of the big sawhorses . I ran my fingers over the freshly oiled leather . It was as red as blood , engraved with intricate designs and images of mountains and vines . All the buckles were made of silver - plated iron . I couldn 't even imagine what it would look like when the dragon it had been made for would finally put it on . A powerful beast , bound for the skies with a snarl and a flash of fire . It made my skin prickle , and every hair stand on end . I was small for my age . I 'd always been small , unfortunately . Ulric 's stature apparently hadn 't been passed on to me . To make matters worse , I was so skinny that I pretty much looked like a scarecrow . Emry and Lin like to call me " stick boy " because they knew it bothered me . If I were as big as Roland , no one would have tried to push me around . It took all my strength to wrap the saddle up in the quilts so it wouldn 't get scratched or damaged , and then lug it outside . The weight of it made my arms and lungs ache . I could feel myself wobble dangerously if I leaned too far in any direction . I didn 't want to imagine what Ulric would do to me if I dropped this saddle . The knights who rode on dragons just about never came to pick up their saddles personally . Most of them came from rich , powerful noble families , and had plenty of servants to do those kinds of errands for them . So when I saw Ulric standing outside talking to a man in formal battle armor with a sweeping cape of royal blue brushing at his heels , I stopped dead in my tracks . The saddle weighed more than I did , and I almost dropped it in surprise . It was a muggy , overcast day . The clouds were so low and thick you couldn 't see the mountains that hunched over our small city . Even so , the knight 's armor still managed to gleam like liquid silver . He had his helmet under one arm , the white - feathered crest on it tipped in black , and the king 's eagle engraved upon his breastplate . They both turned to look at me as I stood there , my arms shaking under the weight of the saddle , staring at the dragonrider . Ulric scowled darkly , and stomped over to take it from me . He slung it over his shoulder like it weighed nothing at all , growling curses under his breath at me as he went to tie it down to the knight 's horse . The knight , however , was still staring right at me . He gave me a strange look , narrowing his eyes some and tilting his head to the side slightly like he was sizing me up . It made me blush from head to toe , the tips of my pointed ears burning like torches under my long hair . This was a warrior who had probably fought against gray elves for years , and I knew what I looked like . He curled a finger at me , calling me toward him . It made me cringe as I obeyed . I hedged toward him , my shoulders hunched up because I half - expected him to hit me just out of pure resentment for what I was . But he didn 't . When I got close enough , he grabbed my chin in one of his gloved hands , cranking my head around so I had to look up at him . I was shaking all over , wondering if this was it for me . Maybe he 'd crush my head like a grape in his hand . Or maybe he 'd throttle me to death . Either way , I was pretty sure Ulric wouldn 't go out of his way to save me . He might have even thanked the knight afterwards for saving him the trouble . " What 's your name , boy ? " The knight asked me . His voice was deep , but not angry or resentful . He was turning my head this way and that , pulling back my hair to see my pointed ears , and looking me over like he was inspecting livestock . He frowned , looking back into my eyes before he finally let me go . His own eyes seemed dead to me . Dead - like someone who had seen many years in battle and knew what it meant to kill without mercy . " How old are you ? " he asked again . " Fifteen , sir . " I took a few steps back away from him . If he came after me suddenly , at least I had some hope of outrunning him . I was small , but I was fast . Ulric was finished tying the saddle down , and came over with a growl meant to shoo me away . I took the hint and retreated back into the workshop , up to my loftroom where I had a wooden cot piled with old , holey quilts . I went to the small window along the far wall . It was a good place peek at them through the cracks in the boards that had been nailed over it . I could hear them talking , and it made my heart jump into my throat . " Ah , my mistake then . I figured since your older boy had chosen to join the infantry you 'd pass your skill set onto someone else in your family . I doubt your girls would be interested . " The knight rambled on , beginning to stroll back to where his horse was waiting . The new saddle was bundled up and ready for transport . " A shame he 's such a small , sickly - looking thing . " That stung me . Yes , I was small for my age . But I hadn 't thought I looked sickly . It made me angry at myself , and at my inability to grow even a few inches taller . What a difference even two inches and a few pounds of muscle would have made . It scared me out of my wits , making me scramble away in surprise . I hadn 't heard anyone approach , and was half afraid it was one of my sisters . But it wasn 't . Katalina Crookin was probably the only friend I had in the world . Her father was a very good blacksmith who worked with Ulric sometimes , helping him craft unique pieces that required a more skilled metalworker . They only lived about a mile away , so Katty and I had found each other inevitably . She was small and skinny , like I was , with a head full of wild gold curls . She had big dark blue eyes , and just about every inch of her face was covered in freckles . The other kids in town teased her and called her ugly . I knew it must have hurt her feelings , but she never let it show . And when the other kids would come after me , trying to cut my hair or throw rocks at me , she was always there to defend me . . . and no one could throw a rock harder or more accurately than Katty . She had blacksmith 's hands . Katty puffed a sigh of disappointment while shaking her head . It made her gold curls swish back and forth . " I saw him coming up the road . I knew he had to be a dragonrider . Normal soldiers don 't wear armor like that , " she told me . " Can you come over today ? " I didn 't know . Normally , I could 've easily slipped away to visit the Crookins without Ulric or Serah even noticing I was gone because usually , they didn 't care where I was . But Ulric had actually asked me to do something for him today . Not to mention , he and the knight had been discussing my future - or lack thereof . I wasn 't so sure I could get away with leaving without getting caught . Katty was watching me waffle between my desire to go to her house , and the inevitable beating I would get if Ulric ever caught me over there . She smiled . " Momma 's making sweetbread , " she baited me . " With wild honey . " That decided it for me . I grinned back at her , nodding because we both knew what goodies were sure to go along with sweetbread . Thoughts of whipped butter with cinnamon and sugar , and warm milk with a hint of honey , were already swimming happily through my brain as we climbed down from my loftroom . We darted out the back of Ulric 's shop before anyone noticed , and took the narrow footpath we 'd made ourselves through the prickly briars . It was our secret path , so no one would see us . The Crookin 's house was not as big as ours , but it felt more like a home instead of the prison I lived in . Smoke came out of the chimney in the house , and out of the stack for the bellows in Mr . Crookin 's forge . Mr . Crookin didn 't really like me . That 's not to say he hated me as much as Serah did , but he didn 't like me coming around his house too often . He hadn 't minded it so much when I was younger , but now that I was fifteen , I could tell he was on the verge of telling me not to come back anymore . He didn 't talk much , and he had a face that was mostly hidden behind a thick , wiry beard . He wore his long black smithing apron every day , and his face and arms were almost always smeared with soot . Mrs . Crookin , on the other hand , was one of the few people who didn 't make me feel unwanted . She smiled at me when we came inside , wiping her hands on her apron before she pulled me in immediately to kiss my forehead and ruffle my hair . She always hugged me until I couldn 't breathe , and asked me if I was getting enough to eat . " What a good boy , " she said , patting my cheeks until it stung a little . " But still so skinny . Doesn 't Serah feed you at all ? Sit down , Jae . I 'm making your favorite . " Katty plopped down in a chair across from me at their kitchen table , grinning as she slid a plate and spoon in my direction . " There was a dragonrider at his house today , momma . " Her eyes were still sparkling with excitement about it . " Yeah , but he didn 't bring his dragon . " I added , sighing and twirling the spoon through my fingers . Mrs . Crookin brought over a platter of steaming hot sweetbread , fresh out of the oven . The smell made me dizzy with hunger , and it was hard to sit and wait while she put out jams , that delicious cinnamon butter , and mugs of warm milk for us on the table . " Not surprising , is it dear ? It 's nearly springtime . " I knew what she meant . Every spring , Ulric packed up his tools and materials onto a wagon , and left for Blybrig Academy . The new riders started their training just as the weather was getting hot , and Ulric had to take molds and build brand new saddles for them . It was when he made most of his money , but it also meant that he 'd be gone for a while . He was always completely exhausted when he came back . In a month , the snows would melt in the Stonegap Pass , and Ulric would start packing his tools again . If any other knights wanted a saddle from him , they 'd have to get it before he left or wait until after spring . " I wish papa would let me go with him , " Katty whined while she was smearing a spoonful of jam onto a large piece of bread . " It 's not fair . Other apprentices get to go . " " Soon , dear . " Mrs . Crookin smiled fondly at her daughter . They had the same gold colored hair , but Mrs . Crookin 's was flecked with silver . She was a much older woman than my stepmother . Katty was eager to go to Blybrig , not that I could blame her . She wanted to see dragons just like I did . Her father had been teaching her his craft for a long time , and she was already strong enough to do most of the little tedious jobs for him , even if she was small and fragile looking . Mr . Crookin went to Blybrig for spring training , just like Ulric . But he went to make armor , not saddles . " You 'll have to tell me what they look like , " I told her . I wasn 't able to keep myself from sounding sad about it . When she starting working with her father full time , I wasn 't sure where that would leave me . I 'd be on the brink of adulthood with no idea where I should go , or what I should do . I wouldn 't have a skill to sell , or even a place to live . Katty smiled at me hopefully from across the table , leaning forward and grabbing my hand at the wrist . " You 'll see them , too , Jae . Maybe papa would let you be his apprentice with me . " Mrs . Crookin smiled at us , but I could still see it in her eyes ; she didn 't think her husband would ever allow that . They were all right with me coming to visit , and with me being friends with their daughter , but they had to draw the line somewhere . I was still a halfbreed . I didn 't let Katty see how that hurt me . It wasn 't their fault , really . And it wasn 't my place to try to weasel my way into their family business like that . " Nah . " I shrugged and gave her as confident a grin as I could muster . " I 'm going to the coast . I want to work on one of the ships going out of the harbor . I 'll get to see the ocean , and eat fish every night . " Katty looked deflated . I guess she 'd wanted us to work together . Or , she 'd at least hoped I would want the same thing as her . " You 'll smell like a fish , after all that , " she grumbled , wrinkling her nose . < / We ate until there were only a few scraps of the bread left , and Mrs . Crookin wrapped those up for me to take with me . It was dark outside when I started for home . Katty always walked with me as far as the property line , and she had a blanket wrapped around her so that only her face and some of her curls peeked out . " Jae , " she started . I could tell by the tone of her voice she was about to ask me something serious . " Do you really want to go to the coast ? " I 've never been a very good liar . When it came to Katty , well , she could smell deception on me like a hound . I couldn 't lie to her if I wanted to . I quirked my mouth while I thought about the ocean , about ships , and about eating fish . " We 'd never see each other if you left , " she reached a hand out from under her blanket to grasp mine , squeezing my fingers . " After papa retires and I take over the business , I 'll make you an apprentice myself . Then we can work together and no one will be able to say anything about it . " I tried to smile for her . I tried to show her some optimism . But we 'd be in our twenties before her father let her take on any authority in his smithing business , and even then , I wasn 't sure blacksmithing was my calling . It required physical strength , which I clearly didn 't have . We talked about dragons and knights all the way to the property line . Then I gave her a hug , and she kissed my cheek like her mom did , and we parted ways . I walked a few feet into the dark before I stopped and looked back , watching her disappear into the gloom and thorny shrubs . She was the best friend I had - my only friend really , and sooner or later , she 'd have to leave me behind . She 'd outgrow me . She 'd get tired of having to stick up for me all the time . With the bundle of leftover bread still under my arm , I walked back to my room in the loft . Ulric 's shop was quiet and dark , like it always was once he 'd finished for the day . He was probably already inside , having dinner with his real family , and talking about how soon he could get rid of me . Roland was probably just sitting there at the table , glaring down into his plate without a word . The twins were probably throwing food at each other like savages . I didn 't expect any of them to even notice I was gone . Nicole enjoys hiking , camping , shopping , cooking , and spending time with her family and friends . She also loves watching children 's movies and collecting books . She lives at home with her husband , two cats , and dog . After a year of training to become a dragonrider , Jaevid Broadfeather has been sent home to rest during a three - month interlude . But when he returns to find the king drake has chosen Beckah Derrick as his new rider , Jaevid realizes something big is about to happen . Every fiber of his being is pushed to the breaking point as Jaevid battles through his avian year , preparing for the final graduation test of the battle scenario . But there is more standing in his way than a few pushups and fancy sword moves . Jaevid must face a new fear as he is tormented by a gruesome nightmare of a mysterious gray elf warrior murdering the royal family of Maldobar . It seems obvious to him that this is some kind of message about how the war started long ago - until Felix assures him the king is very much alive . With his strange powers growing stronger by the day , and that violent dream replaying in his mind every night , Jaevid no longer wonders if he will pass his avian year or not . . . he wonders if he will even survive it . About the book : Aberthol Nauile doesn 't know that he once led legions in a war that raged since the dawn of time , against an enemy that cannot be killed . He doesn 't know that he rode on a dragon with his father , and saw his mother die while giving birth to him . He doesn 't know that he once saved his great , great , great grandfather by defeating the black enemy on the slopes of a volcano . Aberthol doesn 't know that he beheld the creation of the world , as his grandfather eight generations before took the planet ravaged by a war of the gods and began anew . All he knows is that he awoke in a coffin in a tomb , and now the whole world thinks he is their savior . All he really wants to know is his name , and why he keeps hearing voices in his head . Everything changes when she loses control of her powers and flees the orphanage she grew up in . She desperately wants to be invisible but finds her face plastered on every news channel as humans panic over the possible resurgence of her kind . And now the hunters won 't give up until they find her . Making friends for the first time in her life and falling in love with one of them drives her to discover why she is unlike any being she 's ever met - human or otherwise . The dangerous powers inside of her that would repel Nathan , her new , handsome reason for living , are priceless to some . The locked up forever kind of priceless . And to others , they are too dangerous to allow her to live . When a mysterious boy named Daemon shakes up Sky 's fragile hold on reality , she is thrust into a world where zombies and voodoo not only exist in the pages of a novel . They are hidden in the darkest corners where danger lurks and death awaits . With a price on her head , Sky has to put her trust in the boy with the ocean blue eyes but is Daemon everything she was warned against and more ?
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When Isabel wakes to find Sean hasn 't come home she doesn 't worry . At first . But when the police turn up on her doorstep wanting to interview him , she has to make a decision . ' Go for it . The rougher the better , girl . ' The man had a black silk blindfold tied around his head . He spoke slowly , his voice thick with desire . Xena went to the door and unlocked it . Lord Bidoner walked into the panic room . He closed the door behind him and pressed the button to turn on the air management system . The scrubber in the roof could remove the smoke from a blazing fire and turn the output into a vapour trail . The navy Calvin Klein silk suit hanging from the stool beside the bed gave an indication of who he was . Lord Bidoner examined the man 's wallet . His bank ID card , a credit - card - sized piece of aluminium with an embedded proximity chip and his family name , Hare , embossed on it , confirmed what they already knew . She was dressed in a low - cut skin - tight black catsuit that fitted her thin frame perfectly . The man laid out in front of them was expecting something memorable from the woman he 'd met in the champagne bar opposite Grand Central , two weeks before . Xena 's story , about being an Ethiopian diplomat 's daughter , and her eager smile , had captivated him . The man pulled on the handcuffs , which began to cut into his skin . It had taken a bit of persuasion , since this was their third meeting , for Xena to get him to go this far , but he trusted her now . And he 'd made it clear that he wasn 't going to put up with any crap . He 'd break the bed if she didn 't release him when he gave the password . ' What 's the surprise ? ' He shook the bed , testing its resilience and the strength of the handcuffs . He 'd assumed they were easily breakable toys , like a previous pair she 'd shown him . But he was wrong . The man didn 't reply verbally . He shook the bed from side to side , trying to break free . He didn 't know that his only hope was if his thrashing managed to separate his hands from his wrists , and his feet from his ankles . And very few people have strength enough to do that . The odour of the burning butane gas filled the room like bad perfume . The sound of the blow torch was a threatening hissing now . Xena placed the tip of the flame against the top edge of the whiskey tumbler the man had been drinking from . The glass turned blue . ' What ? Fu . . . ' The end of that confident word was bitten off by the piercing scream that came from deep within his throat . Xena had touched the flame against the pale skin of his shoulder . He began thrashing . Like a fish flailing . He moved from side to side , squirming away from the skin - blistering heat . But he couldn 't move fast enough . And his legs and arms were stretched out tight . ' If you give it up , I will release you . You can explain these little burns to your wife . But the ones I will inflict next will require hospital treatment . Or the services of a morgue . ' She clicked the flame off , then pressed the hot tip hard and fast into the biggest blister she had inflicted , near his ankle . The man answered with a defiant , animal roar . He shook the bed under him . The last vestige of his pride in working at BXH bellowed out of him . Tears streamed from under his blindfold . His cheeks were red . It was good he couldn 't see the weals on his body , because he would know immediately that he wouldn 't be able to explain any of them to his wife . Lord Bidoner held his nose . He 'd seen enough . He went out to the main room of the apartment , with its view towards the glittering Jazz - era spire of the Empire State Building . Laurence was born in Dublin . He studied business , then IT at Oxford University . After going to England he paid for his own courses and began rising at 4AM so he could study and work at the same time . One early job was as a kitchen porter near the Bank of England cleaning the plates of the well connected . Laurence was first published by a school newspaper when he was ten , for a short story about aliens getting lost . Thirty - five years later , he attended an authonomy workshop and not long after was offered a publishing contract for three books . The Manhattan Puzzle is his third novel . Hi guys ! Got a cover reveal for you ! It 's Halo of the Sun by Laura Kreitzer ! It 's gorgeous ! I love it . ^_ ~ Go check it out below ! No more waiting . War is upon them . The dimensions between the worlds are open and Earth is in chaos . The dead fight the living , and the humans fight the immortals . The streets are stained with spilled blood , and now Gabriella must lead an army of angels to the battle that will end it all . She 's experienced the dark and the light . She 's known truth , family , and love . And now she must make a choice that could tear it apart forever . There 's not much time . The clock is ticking . . . . It all started a year ago in a lab . Is the battlefield where it ends ? Find out in the explosive conclusion to Laura Kreitzer 's Timeless Series . Kazu Kibuishi 's # 1 NEW YORK TIMES bestselling series continues ! Emily , Navin , and their friends continue to battle the Elf King in hopes of destroying him forever , but one of his most loyal followers , Max , isn 't making it easy for them . The crew journeys to Lucien , a city that 's been ravaged by the war . Emily has more enemies there than she realizes - - and it 'll take everything she 's got to get herself and her friends out of the city alive . Ha ! I don 't usually do graphic novel reviews . I should write more but I fly through them so quick . Then I forget to do it . lol The story and art continue to be consistent and fantastic . It has a wonderful flow using a combination of panels and text . Between the images and the text it 's like watching a movie in my head . I loved the whole experience and I have that with every book in this series . Book 6 picks up where 5 left off of which is good . Each book has its own arc which is completed at the end which is good . I love stories like these . The characters each have their own issues and developments which I appreciate . Each book adds more and more to the overall story which is spectacular because this story is not episodic like most comics or graphic novels . This reads more like a continuous novel which I enjoy more . I suppose this is where I start to notice how the story is slightly lacking . It 's extremely minor , mind you . It 's just that there is so much to tell and with adding new characters and subplots , it 's hard to fit that all in one book . I understand completely why it is done because sometimes there are page limits to comics . There is a lot of work that goes into one book and I can only read in awe during each one . Still , this is one of my favorite graphic novel series and I seriously urge you to pick this up if you 're open minded to comic . It 's not just for kids . I don 't even have kids of my own but I love the story . So if you 're young at heart or just enjoy a good read , pick this up . You won 't be disappointed . You might want to pick up the whole series . You 'll blow through them pretty fast . ^_ ~ Jaevid Broadfeather has grown up as a wartime refugee , hiding from the world because of his mixed racial heritage . He feels his future is hopeless , until a chance encounter with a wild dragon lands him in Blybrig Academy - a place usually forbidden to anyone but the rich and royal . But Jaevid 's case is special ; no dragon has voluntarily chosen a rider in decades , so the proud riders of Blybrig must begrudgingly let him join their brotherhood despite his bloodline . Lieutenant Sile Derrick , a sternly tempered man with a mysterious past , becomes his instructor and immediately takes a peculiar interest in Jaevid 's future . While struggling through the rigorous physical demands of training , things begin to go awry . Jaevid witnesses the king 's private guards kidnapping Sile in the dead of night . When none of the elder riders are willing to help him , Jaevid begins a dangerous adventure to save his Everything Jaevid learned at the academy will now be put to the ultimate test . I had never seen my father before my twelfth birthday . Not even once . Up until then , my mother had raised me all by herself in the royal city of Halfax . We lived like all the other gray elves in Maldobar - separated from the rest of society in the heavily guarded wartime ghettos . We had to follow a strict set of rules about where we could go , what we could do , when we got food , and what we could own . If you broke any of the rules , it was an immediate sentence to the prison camps , which I always heard was a fate worse than death . We were supposed to be grateful . After all , we were war refugees . Maldobar didn 't have to take us in , much less provide us somewhere to live . This was their act of charity towards us . Our house was not much more than a tiny shack made of old recycled wood , and it only had one room . You 'd expect a place like that to smell terrible , but my mother was a genius when it came to making anywhere feel like home . She could grow absolutely anything , and that was how she made our living . She grew vegetables , flowers , tiny fruit trees , and strange vines that climbed all over the walls and windows . It made the inside of our house feel like a jungle , and it smelled earthy like fresh soil and the fragrance of flowers . We couldn 't legally sell anything she grew since gray elves weren 't allowed to have any money , but we could still trade . So early in the mornings , my mother packed a sack full of peppers , fruit , vegetables , and anything else ready for harvest , and sent me out to the shops to trade for things we needed . It was a lot harder than it sounds . Not the trading itself , that part was easy , but I had to be very sneaky about it . I was always on the watch for guards , or humans . Gray elf children were rare , even in the ghettos . Any elf living in the kingdom of Maldobar as a refugee was absolutely not allowed to have children . It was forbidden . Having children was a great way to get thrown into a prison camp , or worse . But I didn 't just have to worry about that . It was bad enough to be a gray elf kid , hiding until you were old enough to be overlooked . But I was a halfbreed . My father was a human from Maldobar . So instead of looking at me with anger , everyone looked at me like I was a cockroach . The humans didn 't like me touching their stuff because I was mixed with the filthy , wild blood of a gray elf . If they hadn 't liked my mother 's produce so much , they probably would have turned me in to the guards . The gray elves didn 't like me , either . But there was a very strict code amongst them : you didn 't betray your own kind no matter what . So they ignored me rather than ratting me out to the city guards . I really didn 't fit anywhere , except with my mother . She loved me unconditionally . She was the most beautiful person in the world . Her hair was long and silvery white , and her eyes were like stars . All gray elves had eyes like that . When she smiled at me , her eyes would shine like gemstones in the light , as white and pale as diamonds with faint flecks of blue , yellow , and green in them . When she died , I had just turned twelve . I got the feeling right away that no one really knew what to do with me . I didn 't fit into anyone 's plans . If I were a pure blooded elf , they would have taken me straight to a prison camp . If I were a human , someone would have adopted me . I wasn 't either , and yet I was both at the same time . I think the guards were just baffled that my mother had done such a good job of hiding me for so long , or that she 'd somehow managed to have an affair with a human man . From the very beginning , my father was the most frightening man I had ever known . He was hugely tall , like a knight , and stronger than anyone else I had ever seen . Once , I saw him pick up and pull family wagon while it was loaded with bags of grain all by himself . He could have crushed my neck with one hand if he wanted to . His hair was jet - black like mine , except it was cut short . My mom always insisted I wear my hair long , like gray elves traditionally did . I also had his cold blue eyes that were the same color as glacier water . There definitely wasn 't any doubt he was my father . I looked too much like him for anyone to deny it . I wish I could say that he welcomed me with open arms into his home ; eager to make up for lost time he hadn 't gotten to spend with me . But he already had a family , living on the outskirts of a small city called Mithangol , and he wasn 't interested in adding me to it . I was an unwanted guest right away . He had a human wife named Serah who made it perfectly clear she didn 't want me in her house at all . Serah absolutely hated me . She glared whenever she looked at me , accused me of being responsible for anything that went wrong , and refused to let me sleep in her house because I gave her a " bad feeling . " So I slept on a cot in the loftroom of Ulric 's workshop , instead . As bad as it sounds , I actually preferred it . It was quiet there , and even though it was cold in the winter , I liked the smell of the old hay and the leather that was stored up there . Ulric also had another son , Roland , who was four years older than me . Roland chose to ignore my existence completely . I got the feeling that he was in survival mode , trying to be as aloof and uninvolved with the family as he possibly could until he was old enough to move out . I couldn 't really blame him for that . Like me , he favored our father . He was really tall , muscular , and had the same ice - blue eyes that looked like they belonged to a powerful bird of prey . I was a little afraid of him , even though he never said more than two words to me at a time . I could sense a lot of anger coming from him , and I was always paranoid I 'd be standing too close when he finally snapped . Ulric had two more children , a pair of twin daughters named Emry and Lin . They were six years younger than me , but they were meaner than a pair of hungry jackals . Every day , they tried to get me in as much trouble as possible . Of course , Serah believed every word they said . They would break things , let the chickens and goats out , or steal jewelry from their mother 's room , and blame it all on me . Once , Emry got ahold of the sewing scissors and chopped up Lin 's hair . When Serah found out , Emry blamed it all on me and told her I had done it . Serah believed it , and I got a beating from Ulric as soon as he came in the house . Inventing new ways to get me into trouble was their favorite pastime , and there was nothing I could do about it . They were sneaky and smart , a lot smarter than me I guess , because they never got caught . he made saddles for the dragonriders from Blybrig Academy . But he didn 't just make saddles ; he made the very best saddles in Maldobar . I watched him through the slats and gaps in the floor of the loftroom , shaping leather and stitching intricate pieces together . He did it all by hand , and it took him several weeks to craft one saddle . But when it was finished , each one was the most beautiful thing I 'd ever seen . It made me envy him , even if he probably wished I had never been born . I was stunned . Ulric had never asked me to do anything before , especially nothing to do with his work . This was my chance , I thought . If I could be useful , maybe he wouldn 't hate me so much . He might even teach me to make saddles someday . Ulric left me alone in his shop , and I walked over to the saddle that was set up on one of the big sawhorses . I ran my fingers over the freshly oiled leather . It was as red as blood , engraved with intricate designs and images of mountains and vines . All the buckles were made of silver - plated iron . I couldn 't even imagine what it would look like when the dragon it had been made for would finally put it on . A powerful beast , bound for the skies with a snarl and a flash of fire . It made my skin prickle , and every hair stand on end . I was small for my age . I 'd always been small , unfortunately . Ulric 's stature apparently hadn 't been passed on to me . To make matters worse , I was so skinny that I pretty much looked like a scarecrow . Emry and Lin like to call me " stick boy " because they knew it bothered me . If I were as big as Roland , no one would have tried to push me around . It took all my strength to wrap the saddle up in the quilts so it wouldn 't get scratched or damaged , and then lug it outside . The weight of it made my arms and lungs ache . I could feel myself wobble dangerously if I leaned too far in any direction . I didn 't want to imagine what Ulric would do to me if I dropped this saddle . The knights who rode on dragons just about never came to pick up their saddles personally . Most of them came from rich , powerful noble families , and had plenty of servants to do those kinds of errands for them . So when I saw Ulric standing outside talking to a man in formal battle armor with a sweeping cape of royal blue brushing at his heels , I stopped dead in my tracks . The saddle weighed more than I did , and I almost dropped it in surprise . It was a muggy , overcast day . The clouds were so low and thick you couldn 't see the mountains that hunched over our small city . Even so , the knight 's armor still managed to gleam like liquid silver . He had his helmet under one arm , the white - feathered crest on it tipped in black , and the king 's eagle engraved upon his breastplate . They both turned to look at me as I stood there , my arms shaking under the weight of the saddle , staring at the dragonrider . Ulric scowled darkly , and stomped over to take it from me . He slung it over his shoulder like it weighed nothing at all , growling curses under his breath at me as he went to tie it down to the knight 's horse . The knight , however , was still staring right at me . He gave me a strange look , narrowing his eyes some and tilting his head to the side slightly like he was sizing me up . It made me blush from head to toe , the tips of my pointed ears burning like torches under my long hair . This was a warrior who had probably fought against gray elves for years , and I knew what I looked like . He curled a finger at me , calling me toward him . It made me cringe as I obeyed . I hedged toward him , my shoulders hunched up because I half - expected him to hit me just out of pure resentment for what I was . But he didn 't . When I got close enough , he grabbed my chin in one of his gloved hands , cranking my head around so I had to look up at him . I was shaking all over , wondering if this was it for me . Maybe he 'd crush my head like a grape in his hand . Or maybe he 'd throttle me to death . Either way , I was pretty sure Ulric wouldn 't go out of his way to save me . He might have even thanked the knight afterwards for saving him the trouble . " What 's your name , boy ? " The knight asked me . His voice was deep , but not angry or resentful . He was turning my head this way and that , pulling back my hair to see my pointed ears , and looking me over like he was inspecting livestock . He frowned , looking back into my eyes before he finally let me go . His own eyes seemed dead to me . Dead - like someone who had seen many years in battle and knew what it meant to kill without mercy . " How old are you ? " he asked again . " Fifteen , sir . " I took a few steps back away from him . If he came after me suddenly , at least I had some hope of outrunning him . I was small , but I was fast . Ulric was finished tying the saddle down , and came over with a growl meant to shoo me away . I took the hint and retreated back into the workshop , up to my loftroom where I had a wooden cot piled with old , holey quilts . I went to the small window along the far wall . It was a good place peek at them through the cracks in the boards that had been nailed over it . I could hear them talking , and it made my heart jump into my throat . " Ah , my mistake then . I figured since your older boy had chosen to join the infantry you 'd pass your skill set onto someone else in your family . I doubt your girls would be interested . " The knight rambled on , beginning to stroll back to where his horse was waiting . The new saddle was bundled up and ready for transport . " A shame he 's such a small , sickly - looking thing . " That stung me . Yes , I was small for my age . But I hadn 't thought I looked sickly . It made me angry at myself , and at my inability to grow even a few inches taller . What a difference even two inches and a few pounds of muscle would have made . It scared me out of my wits , making me scramble away in surprise . I hadn 't heard anyone approach , and was half afraid it was one of my sisters . But it wasn 't . Katalina Crookin was probably the only friend I had in the world . Her father was a very good blacksmith who worked with Ulric sometimes , helping him craft unique pieces that required a more skilled metalworker . They only lived about a mile away , so Katty and I had found each other inevitably . She was small and skinny , like I was , with a head full of wild gold curls . She had big dark blue eyes , and just about every inch of her face was covered in freckles . The other kids in town teased her and called her ugly . I knew it must have hurt her feelings , but she never let it show . And when the other kids would come after me , trying to cut my hair or throw rocks at me , she was always there to defend me . . . and no one could throw a rock harder or more accurately than Katty . She had blacksmith 's hands . Katty puffed a sigh of disappointment while shaking her head . It made her gold curls swish back and forth . " I saw him coming up the road . I knew he had to be a dragonrider . Normal soldiers don 't wear armor like that , " she told me . " Can you come over today ? " I didn 't know . Normally , I could 've easily slipped away to visit the Crookins without Ulric or Serah even noticing I was gone because usually , they didn 't care where I was . But Ulric had actually asked me to do something for him today . Not to mention , he and the knight had been discussing my future - or lack thereof . I wasn 't so sure I could get away with leaving without getting caught . Katty was watching me waffle between my desire to go to her house , and the inevitable beating I would get if Ulric ever caught me over there . She smiled . " Momma 's making sweetbread , " she baited me . " With wild honey . " That decided it for me . I grinned back at her , nodding because we both knew what goodies were sure to go along with sweetbread . Thoughts of whipped butter with cinnamon and sugar , and warm milk with a hint of honey , were already swimming happily through my brain as we climbed down from my loftroom . We darted out the back of Ulric 's shop before anyone noticed , and took the narrow footpath we 'd made ourselves through the prickly briars . It was our secret path , so no one would see us . The Crookin 's house was not as big as ours , but it felt more like a home instead of the prison I lived in . Smoke came out of the chimney in the house , and out of the stack for the bellows in Mr . Crookin 's forge . Mr . Crookin didn 't really like me . That 's not to say he hated me as much as Serah did , but he didn 't like me coming around his house too often . He hadn 't minded it so much when I was younger , but now that I was fifteen , I could tell he was on the verge of telling me not to come back anymore . He didn 't talk much , and he had a face that was mostly hidden behind a thick , wiry beard . He wore his long black smithing apron every day , and his face and arms were almost always smeared with soot . Mrs . Crookin , on the other hand , was one of the few people who didn 't make me feel unwanted . She smiled at me when we came inside , wiping her hands on her apron before she pulled me in immediately to kiss my forehead and ruffle my hair . She always hugged me until I couldn 't breathe , and asked me if I was getting enough to eat . " What a good boy , " she said , patting my cheeks until it stung a little . " But still so skinny . Doesn 't Serah feed you at all ? Sit down , Jae . I 'm making your favorite . " Katty plopped down in a chair across from me at their kitchen table , grinning as she slid a plate and spoon in my direction . " There was a dragonrider at his house today , momma . " Her eyes were still sparkling with excitement about it . " Yeah , but he didn 't bring his dragon . " I added , sighing and twirling the spoon through my fingers . Mrs . Crookin brought over a platter of steaming hot sweetbread , fresh out of the oven . The smell made me dizzy with hunger , and it was hard to sit and wait while she put out jams , that delicious cinnamon butter , and mugs of warm milk for us on the table . " Not surprising , is it dear ? It 's nearly springtime . " I knew what she meant . Every spring , Ulric packed up his tools and materials onto a wagon , and left for Blybrig Academy . The new riders started their training just as the weather was getting hot , and Ulric had to take molds and build brand new saddles for them . It was when he made most of his money , but it also meant that he 'd be gone for a while . He was always completely exhausted when he came back . In a month , the snows would melt in the Stonegap Pass , and Ulric would start packing his tools again . If any other knights wanted a saddle from him , they 'd have to get it before he left or wait until after spring . " I wish papa would let me go with him , " Katty whined while she was smearing a spoonful of jam onto a large piece of bread . " It 's not fair . Other apprentices get to go . " " Soon , dear . " Mrs . Crookin smiled fondly at her daughter . They had the same gold colored hair , but Mrs . Crookin 's was flecked with silver . She was a much older woman than my stepmother . Katty was eager to go to Blybrig , not that I could blame her . She wanted to see dragons just like I did . Her father had been teaching her his craft for a long time , and she was already strong enough to do most of the little tedious jobs for him , even if she was small and fragile looking . Mr . Crookin went to Blybrig for spring training , just like Ulric . But he went to make armor , not saddles . " You 'll have to tell me what they look like , " I told her . I wasn 't able to keep myself from sounding sad about it . When she starting working with her father full time , I wasn 't sure where that would leave me . I 'd be on the brink of adulthood with no idea where I should go , or what I should do . I wouldn 't have a skill to sell , or even a place to live . Katty smiled at me hopefully from across the table , leaning forward and grabbing my hand at the wrist . " You 'll see them , too , Jae . Maybe papa would let you be his apprentice with me . " Mrs . Crookin smiled at us , but I could still see it in her eyes ; she didn 't think her husband would ever allow that . They were all right with me coming to visit , and with me being friends with their daughter , but they had to draw the line somewhere . I was still a halfbreed . I didn 't let Katty see how that hurt me . It wasn 't their fault , really . And it wasn 't my place to try to weasel my way into their family business like that . " Nah . " I shrugged and gave her as confident a grin as I could muster . " I 'm going to the coast . I want to work on one of the ships going out of the harbor . I 'll get to see the ocean , and eat fish every night . " Katty looked deflated . I guess she 'd wanted us to work together . Or , she 'd at least hoped I would want the same thing as her . " You 'll smell like a fish , after all that , " she grumbled , wrinkling her nose . < / We ate until there were only a few scraps of the bread left , and Mrs . Crookin wrapped those up for me to take with me . It was dark outside when I started for home . Katty always walked with me as far as the property line , and she had a blanket wrapped around her so that only her face and some of her curls peeked out . " Jae , " she started . I could tell by the tone of her voice she was about to ask me something serious . " Do you really want to go to the coast ? " I 've never been a very good liar . When it came to Katty , well , she could smell deception on me like a hound . I couldn 't lie to her if I wanted to . I quirked my mouth while I thought about the ocean , about ships , and about eating fish . " We 'd never see each other if you left , " she reached a hand out from under her blanket to grasp mine , squeezing my fingers . " After papa retires and I take over the business , I 'll make you an apprentice myself . Then we can work together and no one will be able to say anything about it . " I tried to smile for her . I tried to show her some optimism . But we 'd be in our twenties before her father let her take on any authority in his smithing business , and even then , I wasn 't sure blacksmithing was my calling . It required physical strength , which I clearly didn 't have . We talked about dragons and knights all the way to the property line . Then I gave her a hug , and she kissed my cheek like her mom did , and we parted ways . I walked a few feet into the dark before I stopped and looked back , watching her disappear into the gloom and thorny shrubs . She was the best friend I had - my only friend really , and sooner or later , she 'd have to leave me behind . She 'd outgrow me . She 'd get tired of having to stick up for me all the time . With the bundle of leftover bread still under my arm , I walked back to my room in the loft . Ulric 's shop was quiet and dark , like it always was once he 'd finished for the day . He was probably already inside , having dinner with his real family , and talking about how soon he could get rid of me . Roland was probably just sitting there at the table , glaring down into his plate without a word . The twins were probably throwing food at each other like savages . I didn 't expect any of them to even notice I was gone . Nicole enjoys hiking , camping , shopping , cooking , and spending time with her family and friends . She also loves watching children 's movies and collecting books . She lives at home with her husband , two cats , and dog . After a year of training to become a dragonrider , Jaevid Broadfeather has been sent home to rest during a three - month interlude . But when he returns to find the king drake has chosen Beckah Derrick as his new rider , Jaevid realizes something big is about to happen . Every fiber of his being is pushed to the breaking point as Jaevid battles through his avian year , preparing for the final graduation test of the battle scenario . But there is more standing in his way than a few pushups and fancy sword moves . Jaevid must face a new fear as he is tormented by a gruesome nightmare of a mysterious gray elf warrior murdering the royal family of Maldobar . It seems obvious to him that this is some kind of message about how the war started long ago - until Felix assures him the king is very much alive . With his strange powers growing stronger by the day , and that violent dream replaying in his mind every night , Jaevid no longer wonders if he will pass his avian year or not . . . he wonders if he will even survive it . About the book : Aberthol Nauile doesn 't know that he once led legions in a war that raged since the dawn of time , against an enemy that cannot be killed . He doesn 't know that he rode on a dragon with his father , and saw his mother die while giving birth to him . He doesn 't know that he once saved his great , great , great grandfather by defeating the black enemy on the slopes of a volcano . Aberthol doesn 't know that he beheld the creation of the world , as his grandfather eight generations before took the planet ravaged by a war of the gods and began anew . All he knows is that he awoke in a coffin in a tomb , and now the whole world thinks he is their savior . All he really wants to know is his name , and why he keeps hearing voices in his head . Everything changes when she loses control of her powers and flees the orphanage she grew up in . She desperately wants to be invisible but finds her face plastered on every news channel as humans panic over the possible resurgence of her kind . And now the hunters won 't give up until they find her . Making friends for the first time in her life and falling in love with one of them drives her to discover why she is unlike any being she 's ever met - human or otherwise . The dangerous powers inside of her that would repel Nathan , her new , handsome reason for living , are priceless to some . The locked up forever kind of priceless . And to others , they are too dangerous to allow her to live . When a mysterious boy named Daemon shakes up Sky 's fragile hold on reality , she is thrust into a world where zombies and voodoo not only exist in the pages of a novel . They are hidden in the darkest corners where danger lurks and death awaits . With a price on her head , Sky has to put her trust in the boy with the ocean blue eyes but is Daemon everything she was warned against and more ?
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When Isabel wakes to find Sean hasn 't come home she doesn 't worry . At first . But when the police turn up on her doorstep wanting to interview him , she has to make a decision . ' Go for it . The rougher the better , girl . ' The man had a black silk blindfold tied around his head . He spoke slowly , his voice thick with desire . Xena went to the door and unlocked it . Lord Bidoner walked into the panic room . He closed the door behind him and pressed the button to turn on the air management system . The scrubber in the roof could remove the smoke from a blazing fire and turn the output into a vapour trail . The navy Calvin Klein silk suit hanging from the stool beside the bed gave an indication of who he was . Lord Bidoner examined the man 's wallet . His bank ID card , a credit - card - sized piece of aluminium with an embedded proximity chip and his family name , Hare , embossed on it , confirmed what they already knew . She was dressed in a low - cut skin - tight black catsuit that fitted her thin frame perfectly . The man laid out in front of them was expecting something memorable from the woman he 'd met in the champagne bar opposite Grand Central , two weeks before . Xena 's story , about being an Ethiopian diplomat 's daughter , and her eager smile , had captivated him . The man pulled on the handcuffs , which began to cut into his skin . It had taken a bit of persuasion , since this was their third meeting , for Xena to get him to go this far , but he trusted her now . And he 'd made it clear that he wasn 't going to put up with any crap . He 'd break the bed if she didn 't release him when he gave the password . ' What 's the surprise ? ' He shook the bed , testing its resilience and the strength of the handcuffs . He 'd assumed they were easily breakable toys , like a previous pair she 'd shown him . But he was wrong . The man didn 't reply verbally . He shook the bed from side to side , trying to break free . He didn 't know that his only hope was if his thrashing managed to separate his hands from his wrists , and his feet from his ankles . And very few people have strength enough to do that . The odour of the burning butane gas filled the room like bad perfume . The sound of the blow torch was a threatening hissing now . Xena placed the tip of the flame against the top edge of the whiskey tumbler the man had been drinking from . The glass turned blue . ' What ? Fu . . . ' The end of that confident word was bitten off by the piercing scream that came from deep within his throat . Xena had touched the flame against the pale skin of his shoulder . He began thrashing . Like a fish flailing . He moved from side to side , squirming away from the skin - blistering heat . But he couldn 't move fast enough . And his legs and arms were stretched out tight . ' If you give it up , I will release you . You can explain these little burns to your wife . But the ones I will inflict next will require hospital treatment . Or the services of a morgue . ' She clicked the flame off , then pressed the hot tip hard and fast into the biggest blister she had inflicted , near his ankle . The man answered with a defiant , animal roar . He shook the bed under him . The last vestige of his pride in working at BXH bellowed out of him . Tears streamed from under his blindfold . His cheeks were red . It was good he couldn 't see the weals on his body , because he would know immediately that he wouldn 't be able to explain any of them to his wife . Lord Bidoner held his nose . He 'd seen enough . He went out to the main room of the apartment , with its view towards the glittering Jazz - era spire of the Empire State Building . Laurence was born in Dublin . He studied business , then IT at Oxford University . After going to England he paid for his own courses and began rising at 4AM so he could study and work at the same time . One early job was as a kitchen porter near the Bank of England cleaning the plates of the well connected . Laurence was first published by a school newspaper when he was ten , for a short story about aliens getting lost . Thirty - five years later , he attended an authonomy workshop and not long after was offered a publishing contract for three books . The Manhattan Puzzle is his third novel . Hi guys ! Got a cover reveal for you ! It 's Halo of the Sun by Laura Kreitzer ! It 's gorgeous ! I love it . ^_ ~ Go check it out below ! No more waiting . War is upon them . The dimensions between the worlds are open and Earth is in chaos . The dead fight the living , and the humans fight the immortals . The streets are stained with spilled blood , and now Gabriella must lead an army of angels to the battle that will end it all . She 's experienced the dark and the light . She 's known truth , family , and love . And now she must make a choice that could tear it apart forever . There 's not much time . The clock is ticking . . . . It all started a year ago in a lab . Is the battlefield where it ends ? Find out in the explosive conclusion to Laura Kreitzer 's Timeless Series . Kazu Kibuishi 's # 1 NEW YORK TIMES bestselling series continues ! Emily , Navin , and their friends continue to battle the Elf King in hopes of destroying him forever , but one of his most loyal followers , Max , isn 't making it easy for them . The crew journeys to Lucien , a city that 's been ravaged by the war . Emily has more enemies there than she realizes - - and it 'll take everything she 's got to get herself and her friends out of the city alive . Ha ! I don 't usually do graphic novel reviews . I should write more but I fly through them so quick . Then I forget to do it . lol The story and art continue to be consistent and fantastic . It has a wonderful flow using a combination of panels and text . Between the images and the text it 's like watching a movie in my head . I loved the whole experience and I have that with every book in this series . Book 6 picks up where 5 left off of which is good . Each book has its own arc which is completed at the end which is good . I love stories like these . The characters each have their own issues and developments which I appreciate . Each book adds more and more to the overall story which is spectacular because this story is not episodic like most comics or graphic novels . This reads more like a continuous novel which I enjoy more . I suppose this is where I start to notice how the story is slightly lacking . It 's extremely minor , mind you . It 's just that there is so much to tell and with adding new characters and subplots , it 's hard to fit that all in one book . I understand completely why it is done because sometimes there are page limits to comics . There is a lot of work that goes into one book and I can only read in awe during each one . Still , this is one of my favorite graphic novel series and I seriously urge you to pick this up if you 're open minded to comic . It 's not just for kids . I don 't even have kids of my own but I love the story . So if you 're young at heart or just enjoy a good read , pick this up . You won 't be disappointed . You might want to pick up the whole series . You 'll blow through them pretty fast . ^_ ~ Jaevid Broadfeather has grown up as a wartime refugee , hiding from the world because of his mixed racial heritage . He feels his future is hopeless , until a chance encounter with a wild dragon lands him in Blybrig Academy - a place usually forbidden to anyone but the rich and royal . But Jaevid 's case is special ; no dragon has voluntarily chosen a rider in decades , so the proud riders of Blybrig must begrudgingly let him join their brotherhood despite his bloodline . Lieutenant Sile Derrick , a sternly tempered man with a mysterious past , becomes his instructor and immediately takes a peculiar interest in Jaevid 's future . While struggling through the rigorous physical demands of training , things begin to go awry . Jaevid witnesses the king 's private guards kidnapping Sile in the dead of night . When none of the elder riders are willing to help him , Jaevid begins a dangerous adventure to save his Everything Jaevid learned at the academy will now be put to the ultimate test . I had never seen my father before my twelfth birthday . Not even once . Up until then , my mother had raised me all by herself in the royal city of Halfax . We lived like all the other gray elves in Maldobar - separated from the rest of society in the heavily guarded wartime ghettos . We had to follow a strict set of rules about where we could go , what we could do , when we got food , and what we could own . If you broke any of the rules , it was an immediate sentence to the prison camps , which I always heard was a fate worse than death . We were supposed to be grateful . After all , we were war refugees . Maldobar didn 't have to take us in , much less provide us somewhere to live . This was their act of charity towards us . Our house was not much more than a tiny shack made of old recycled wood , and it only had one room . You 'd expect a place like that to smell terrible , but my mother was a genius when it came to making anywhere feel like home . She could grow absolutely anything , and that was how she made our living . She grew vegetables , flowers , tiny fruit trees , and strange vines that climbed all over the walls and windows . It made the inside of our house feel like a jungle , and it smelled earthy like fresh soil and the fragrance of flowers . We couldn 't legally sell anything she grew since gray elves weren 't allowed to have any money , but we could still trade . So early in the mornings , my mother packed a sack full of peppers , fruit , vegetables , and anything else ready for harvest , and sent me out to the shops to trade for things we needed . It was a lot harder than it sounds . Not the trading itself , that part was easy , but I had to be very sneaky about it . I was always on the watch for guards , or humans . Gray elf children were rare , even in the ghettos . Any elf living in the kingdom of Maldobar as a refugee was absolutely not allowed to have children . It was forbidden . Having children was a great way to get thrown into a prison camp , or worse . But I didn 't just have to worry about that . It was bad enough to be a gray elf kid , hiding until you were old enough to be overlooked . But I was a halfbreed . My father was a human from Maldobar . So instead of looking at me with anger , everyone looked at me like I was a cockroach . The humans didn 't like me touching their stuff because I was mixed with the filthy , wild blood of a gray elf . If they hadn 't liked my mother 's produce so much , they probably would have turned me in to the guards . The gray elves didn 't like me , either . But there was a very strict code amongst them : you didn 't betray your own kind no matter what . So they ignored me rather than ratting me out to the city guards . I really didn 't fit anywhere , except with my mother . She loved me unconditionally . She was the most beautiful person in the world . Her hair was long and silvery white , and her eyes were like stars . All gray elves had eyes like that . When she smiled at me , her eyes would shine like gemstones in the light , as white and pale as diamonds with faint flecks of blue , yellow , and green in them . When she died , I had just turned twelve . I got the feeling right away that no one really knew what to do with me . I didn 't fit into anyone 's plans . If I were a pure blooded elf , they would have taken me straight to a prison camp . If I were a human , someone would have adopted me . I wasn 't either , and yet I was both at the same time . I think the guards were just baffled that my mother had done such a good job of hiding me for so long , or that she 'd somehow managed to have an affair with a human man . From the very beginning , my father was the most frightening man I had ever known . He was hugely tall , like a knight , and stronger than anyone else I had ever seen . Once , I saw him pick up and pull family wagon while it was loaded with bags of grain all by himself . He could have crushed my neck with one hand if he wanted to . His hair was jet - black like mine , except it was cut short . My mom always insisted I wear my hair long , like gray elves traditionally did . I also had his cold blue eyes that were the same color as glacier water . There definitely wasn 't any doubt he was my father . I looked too much like him for anyone to deny it . I wish I could say that he welcomed me with open arms into his home ; eager to make up for lost time he hadn 't gotten to spend with me . But he already had a family , living on the outskirts of a small city called Mithangol , and he wasn 't interested in adding me to it . I was an unwanted guest right away . He had a human wife named Serah who made it perfectly clear she didn 't want me in her house at all . Serah absolutely hated me . She glared whenever she looked at me , accused me of being responsible for anything that went wrong , and refused to let me sleep in her house because I gave her a " bad feeling . " So I slept on a cot in the loftroom of Ulric 's workshop , instead . As bad as it sounds , I actually preferred it . It was quiet there , and even though it was cold in the winter , I liked the smell of the old hay and the leather that was stored up there . Ulric also had another son , Roland , who was four years older than me . Roland chose to ignore my existence completely . I got the feeling that he was in survival mode , trying to be as aloof and uninvolved with the family as he possibly could until he was old enough to move out . I couldn 't really blame him for that . Like me , he favored our father . He was really tall , muscular , and had the same ice - blue eyes that looked like they belonged to a powerful bird of prey . I was a little afraid of him , even though he never said more than two words to me at a time . I could sense a lot of anger coming from him , and I was always paranoid I 'd be standing too close when he finally snapped . Ulric had two more children , a pair of twin daughters named Emry and Lin . They were six years younger than me , but they were meaner than a pair of hungry jackals . Every day , they tried to get me in as much trouble as possible . Of course , Serah believed every word they said . They would break things , let the chickens and goats out , or steal jewelry from their mother 's room , and blame it all on me . Once , Emry got ahold of the sewing scissors and chopped up Lin 's hair . When Serah found out , Emry blamed it all on me and told her I had done it . Serah believed it , and I got a beating from Ulric as soon as he came in the house . Inventing new ways to get me into trouble was their favorite pastime , and there was nothing I could do about it . They were sneaky and smart , a lot smarter than me I guess , because they never got caught . he made saddles for the dragonriders from Blybrig Academy . But he didn 't just make saddles ; he made the very best saddles in Maldobar . I watched him through the slats and gaps in the floor of the loftroom , shaping leather and stitching intricate pieces together . He did it all by hand , and it took him several weeks to craft one saddle . But when it was finished , each one was the most beautiful thing I 'd ever seen . It made me envy him , even if he probably wished I had never been born . I was stunned . Ulric had never asked me to do anything before , especially nothing to do with his work . This was my chance , I thought . If I could be useful , maybe he wouldn 't hate me so much . He might even teach me to make saddles someday . Ulric left me alone in his shop , and I walked over to the saddle that was set up on one of the big sawhorses . I ran my fingers over the freshly oiled leather . It was as red as blood , engraved with intricate designs and images of mountains and vines . All the buckles were made of silver - plated iron . I couldn 't even imagine what it would look like when the dragon it had been made for would finally put it on . A powerful beast , bound for the skies with a snarl and a flash of fire . It made my skin prickle , and every hair stand on end . I was small for my age . I 'd always been small , unfortunately . Ulric 's stature apparently hadn 't been passed on to me . To make matters worse , I was so skinny that I pretty much looked like a scarecrow . Emry and Lin like to call me " stick boy " because they knew it bothered me . If I were as big as Roland , no one would have tried to push me around . It took all my strength to wrap the saddle up in the quilts so it wouldn 't get scratched or damaged , and then lug it outside . The weight of it made my arms and lungs ache . I could feel myself wobble dangerously if I leaned too far in any direction . I didn 't want to imagine what Ulric would do to me if I dropped this saddle . The knights who rode on dragons just about never came to pick up their saddles personally . Most of them came from rich , powerful noble families , and had plenty of servants to do those kinds of errands for them . So when I saw Ulric standing outside talking to a man in formal battle armor with a sweeping cape of royal blue brushing at his heels , I stopped dead in my tracks . The saddle weighed more than I did , and I almost dropped it in surprise . It was a muggy , overcast day . The clouds were so low and thick you couldn 't see the mountains that hunched over our small city . Even so , the knight 's armor still managed to gleam like liquid silver . He had his helmet under one arm , the white - feathered crest on it tipped in black , and the king 's eagle engraved upon his breastplate . They both turned to look at me as I stood there , my arms shaking under the weight of the saddle , staring at the dragonrider . Ulric scowled darkly , and stomped over to take it from me . He slung it over his shoulder like it weighed nothing at all , growling curses under his breath at me as he went to tie it down to the knight 's horse . The knight , however , was still staring right at me . He gave me a strange look , narrowing his eyes some and tilting his head to the side slightly like he was sizing me up . It made me blush from head to toe , the tips of my pointed ears burning like torches under my long hair . This was a warrior who had probably fought against gray elves for years , and I knew what I looked like . He curled a finger at me , calling me toward him . It made me cringe as I obeyed . I hedged toward him , my shoulders hunched up because I half - expected him to hit me just out of pure resentment for what I was . But he didn 't . When I got close enough , he grabbed my chin in one of his gloved hands , cranking my head around so I had to look up at him . I was shaking all over , wondering if this was it for me . Maybe he 'd crush my head like a grape in his hand . Or maybe he 'd throttle me to death . Either way , I was pretty sure Ulric wouldn 't go out of his way to save me . He might have even thanked the knight afterwards for saving him the trouble . " What 's your name , boy ? " The knight asked me . His voice was deep , but not angry or resentful . He was turning my head this way and that , pulling back my hair to see my pointed ears , and looking me over like he was inspecting livestock . He frowned , looking back into my eyes before he finally let me go . His own eyes seemed dead to me . Dead - like someone who had seen many years in battle and knew what it meant to kill without mercy . " How old are you ? " he asked again . " Fifteen , sir . " I took a few steps back away from him . If he came after me suddenly , at least I had some hope of outrunning him . I was small , but I was fast . Ulric was finished tying the saddle down , and came over with a growl meant to shoo me away . I took the hint and retreated back into the workshop , up to my loftroom where I had a wooden cot piled with old , holey quilts . I went to the small window along the far wall . It was a good place peek at them through the cracks in the boards that had been nailed over it . I could hear them talking , and it made my heart jump into my throat . " Ah , my mistake then . I figured since your older boy had chosen to join the infantry you 'd pass your skill set onto someone else in your family . I doubt your girls would be interested . " The knight rambled on , beginning to stroll back to where his horse was waiting . The new saddle was bundled up and ready for transport . " A shame he 's such a small , sickly - looking thing . " That stung me . Yes , I was small for my age . But I hadn 't thought I looked sickly . It made me angry at myself , and at my inability to grow even a few inches taller . What a difference even two inches and a few pounds of muscle would have made . It scared me out of my wits , making me scramble away in surprise . I hadn 't heard anyone approach , and was half afraid it was one of my sisters . But it wasn 't . Katalina Crookin was probably the only friend I had in the world . Her father was a very good blacksmith who worked with Ulric sometimes , helping him craft unique pieces that required a more skilled metalworker . They only lived about a mile away , so Katty and I had found each other inevitably . She was small and skinny , like I was , with a head full of wild gold curls . She had big dark blue eyes , and just about every inch of her face was covered in freckles . The other kids in town teased her and called her ugly . I knew it must have hurt her feelings , but she never let it show . And when the other kids would come after me , trying to cut my hair or throw rocks at me , she was always there to defend me . . . and no one could throw a rock harder or more accurately than Katty . She had blacksmith 's hands . Katty puffed a sigh of disappointment while shaking her head . It made her gold curls swish back and forth . " I saw him coming up the road . I knew he had to be a dragonrider . Normal soldiers don 't wear armor like that , " she told me . " Can you come over today ? " I didn 't know . Normally , I could 've easily slipped away to visit the Crookins without Ulric or Serah even noticing I was gone because usually , they didn 't care where I was . But Ulric had actually asked me to do something for him today . Not to mention , he and the knight had been discussing my future - or lack thereof . I wasn 't so sure I could get away with leaving without getting caught . Katty was watching me waffle between my desire to go to her house , and the inevitable beating I would get if Ulric ever caught me over there . She smiled . " Momma 's making sweetbread , " she baited me . " With wild honey . " That decided it for me . I grinned back at her , nodding because we both knew what goodies were sure to go along with sweetbread . Thoughts of whipped butter with cinnamon and sugar , and warm milk with a hint of honey , were already swimming happily through my brain as we climbed down from my loftroom . We darted out the back of Ulric 's shop before anyone noticed , and took the narrow footpath we 'd made ourselves through the prickly briars . It was our secret path , so no one would see us . The Crookin 's house was not as big as ours , but it felt more like a home instead of the prison I lived in . Smoke came out of the chimney in the house , and out of the stack for the bellows in Mr . Crookin 's forge . Mr . Crookin didn 't really like me . That 's not to say he hated me as much as Serah did , but he didn 't like me coming around his house too often . He hadn 't minded it so much when I was younger , but now that I was fifteen , I could tell he was on the verge of telling me not to come back anymore . He didn 't talk much , and he had a face that was mostly hidden behind a thick , wiry beard . He wore his long black smithing apron every day , and his face and arms were almost always smeared with soot . Mrs . Crookin , on the other hand , was one of the few people who didn 't make me feel unwanted . She smiled at me when we came inside , wiping her hands on her apron before she pulled me in immediately to kiss my forehead and ruffle my hair . She always hugged me until I couldn 't breathe , and asked me if I was getting enough to eat . " What a good boy , " she said , patting my cheeks until it stung a little . " But still so skinny . Doesn 't Serah feed you at all ? Sit down , Jae . I 'm making your favorite . " Katty plopped down in a chair across from me at their kitchen table , grinning as she slid a plate and spoon in my direction . " There was a dragonrider at his house today , momma . " Her eyes were still sparkling with excitement about it . " Yeah , but he didn 't bring his dragon . " I added , sighing and twirling the spoon through my fingers . Mrs . Crookin brought over a platter of steaming hot sweetbread , fresh out of the oven . The smell made me dizzy with hunger , and it was hard to sit and wait while she put out jams , that delicious cinnamon butter , and mugs of warm milk for us on the table . " Not surprising , is it dear ? It 's nearly springtime . " I knew what she meant . Every spring , Ulric packed up his tools and materials onto a wagon , and left for Blybrig Academy . The new riders started their training just as the weather was getting hot , and Ulric had to take molds and build brand new saddles for them . It was when he made most of his money , but it also meant that he 'd be gone for a while . He was always completely exhausted when he came back . In a month , the snows would melt in the Stonegap Pass , and Ulric would start packing his tools again . If any other knights wanted a saddle from him , they 'd have to get it before he left or wait until after spring . " I wish papa would let me go with him , " Katty whined while she was smearing a spoonful of jam onto a large piece of bread . " It 's not fair . Other apprentices get to go . " " Soon , dear . " Mrs . Crookin smiled fondly at her daughter . They had the same gold colored hair , but Mrs . Crookin 's was flecked with silver . She was a much older woman than my stepmother . Katty was eager to go to Blybrig , not that I could blame her . She wanted to see dragons just like I did . Her father had been teaching her his craft for a long time , and she was already strong enough to do most of the little tedious jobs for him , even if she was small and fragile looking . Mr . Crookin went to Blybrig for spring training , just like Ulric . But he went to make armor , not saddles . " You 'll have to tell me what they look like , " I told her . I wasn 't able to keep myself from sounding sad about it . When she starting working with her father full time , I wasn 't sure where that would leave me . I 'd be on the brink of adulthood with no idea where I should go , or what I should do . I wouldn 't have a skill to sell , or even a place to live . Katty smiled at me hopefully from across the table , leaning forward and grabbing my hand at the wrist . " You 'll see them , too , Jae . Maybe papa would let you be his apprentice with me . " Mrs . Crookin smiled at us , but I could still see it in her eyes ; she didn 't think her husband would ever allow that . They were all right with me coming to visit , and with me being friends with their daughter , but they had to draw the line somewhere . I was still a halfbreed . I didn 't let Katty see how that hurt me . It wasn 't their fault , really . And it wasn 't my place to try to weasel my way into their family business like that . " Nah . " I shrugged and gave her as confident a grin as I could muster . " I 'm going to the coast . I want to work on one of the ships going out of the harbor . I 'll get to see the ocean , and eat fish every night . " Katty looked deflated . I guess she 'd wanted us to work together . Or , she 'd at least hoped I would want the same thing as her . " You 'll smell like a fish , after all that , " she grumbled , wrinkling her nose . < / We ate until there were only a few scraps of the bread left , and Mrs . Crookin wrapped those up for me to take with me . It was dark outside when I started for home . Katty always walked with me as far as the property line , and she had a blanket wrapped around her so that only her face and some of her curls peeked out . " Jae , " she started . I could tell by the tone of her voice she was about to ask me something serious . " Do you really want to go to the coast ? " I 've never been a very good liar . When it came to Katty , well , she could smell deception on me like a hound . I couldn 't lie to her if I wanted to . I quirked my mouth while I thought about the ocean , about ships , and about eating fish . " We 'd never see each other if you left , " she reached a hand out from under her blanket to grasp mine , squeezing my fingers . " After papa retires and I take over the business , I 'll make you an apprentice myself . Then we can work together and no one will be able to say anything about it . " I tried to smile for her . I tried to show her some optimism . But we 'd be in our twenties before her father let her take on any authority in his smithing business , and even then , I wasn 't sure blacksmithing was my calling . It required physical strength , which I clearly didn 't have . We talked about dragons and knights all the way to the property line . Then I gave her a hug , and she kissed my cheek like her mom did , and we parted ways . I walked a few feet into the dark before I stopped and looked back , watching her disappear into the gloom and thorny shrubs . She was the best friend I had - my only friend really , and sooner or later , she 'd have to leave me behind . She 'd outgrow me . She 'd get tired of having to stick up for me all the time . With the bundle of leftover bread still under my arm , I walked back to my room in the loft . Ulric 's shop was quiet and dark , like it always was once he 'd finished for the day . He was probably already inside , having dinner with his real family , and talking about how soon he could get rid of me . Roland was probably just sitting there at the table , glaring down into his plate without a word . The twins were probably throwing food at each other like savages . I didn 't expect any of them to even notice I was gone . Nicole enjoys hiking , camping , shopping , cooking , and spending time with her family and friends . She also loves watching children 's movies and collecting books . She lives at home with her husband , two cats , and dog . After a year of training to become a dragonrider , Jaevid Broadfeather has been sent home to rest during a three - month interlude . But when he returns to find the king drake has chosen Beckah Derrick as his new rider , Jaevid realizes something big is about to happen . Every fiber of his being is pushed to the breaking point as Jaevid battles through his avian year , preparing for the final graduation test of the battle scenario . But there is more standing in his way than a few pushups and fancy sword moves . Jaevid must face a new fear as he is tormented by a gruesome nightmare of a mysterious gray elf warrior murdering the royal family of Maldobar . It seems obvious to him that this is some kind of message about how the war started long ago - until Felix assures him the king is very much alive . With his strange powers growing stronger by the day , and that violent dream replaying in his mind every night , Jaevid no longer wonders if he will pass his avian year or not . . . he wonders if he will even survive it . About the book : Aberthol Nauile doesn 't know that he once led legions in a war that raged since the dawn of time , against an enemy that cannot be killed . He doesn 't know that he rode on a dragon with his father , and saw his mother die while giving birth to him . He doesn 't know that he once saved his great , great , great grandfather by defeating the black enemy on the slopes of a volcano . Aberthol doesn 't know that he beheld the creation of the world , as his grandfather eight generations before took the planet ravaged by a war of the gods and began anew . All he knows is that he awoke in a coffin in a tomb , and now the whole world thinks he is their savior . All he really wants to know is his name , and why he keeps hearing voices in his head . Everything changes when she loses control of her powers and flees the orphanage she grew up in . She desperately wants to be invisible but finds her face plastered on every news channel as humans panic over the possible resurgence of her kind . And now the hunters won 't give up until they find her . Making friends for the first time in her life and falling in love with one of them drives her to discover why she is unlike any being she 's ever met - human or otherwise . The dangerous powers inside of her that would repel Nathan , her new , handsome reason for living , are priceless to some . The locked up forever kind of priceless . And to others , they are too dangerous to allow her to live . When a mysterious boy named Daemon shakes up Sky 's fragile hold on reality , she is thrust into a world where zombies and voodoo not only exist in the pages of a novel . They are hidden in the darkest corners where danger lurks and death awaits . With a price on her head , Sky has to put her trust in the boy with the ocean blue eyes but is Daemon everything she was warned against and more ?
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Tim has a 1988 Chevy Van that he uses to travel around to different construction jobs where he works . At times , he also lives in that van . But now , there is a big problem with Tim 's van . Last Summer , while Tim was traveling to Lake County to work on a construction job there , he apparently got hit with a traffic ticket from one of those new ( and I argue un - Constitutional ) traffic light cameras in Yuba County . Tim claims that he never received any notice that he had been given the traffic light ticket . It 's understandable that Tim never got any notice of the traffic ticket , given Tim 's wandering lifestyle . " I avoided being homeless for a while by staying with my relatives . I 'd spend a few days sleeping on the couch at one relative 's house , and then , I 'd spend a few days at another relative 's house . But eventually , I wore out my welcome with all of my relatives . So , now , I 'm homeless . " I talked to a lawyer about getting the traffic light ticket cleared up . But the lawyer wanted $ 400 to do that . I don 't have that kind of money . I look at Tim , and I have to shake my head . I will try to find a lawyer who can help him with his unpaid traffic light ticket in Yuba County , but I don 't know many lawyers in Yuba County . In the mean time , here is one more example of a man who has been rendered homeless by corrupt California laws and incompetent or corrupt California legislators and judges . All it would take to put an end , once and for all , to these hated traffic light camera tickets , and the way that they are being used to gouge additional money from citizens for local governments and their private enterprise camera partners , would be for one judge to call these traffic light cameras what they really are . . . which is an unconstitutional . Charging an American Citizen with a crime without giving that citizen the right to confront and examine his accuser in court is a violation of one of our most basis and most important Constitutional rights . And yet , for whatever mysterious reason , we lack the judges with the Constitutional competence . . . or , the courage . . . to simply call these damned traffic light cameras what they really are . So now , Big Brother really is watching . And now that we have allowed our government to institute this form of Big Brother watching , it will grow into all other areas of our lives like an aggressive cancer . " It 's difficult for me to get around , and to get anything done , because I can 't get a free bus pass . And the buses around here don 't run very well anyway . I have to walk about ten miles a day just to do the things that I need to get done every day . " " I have this dream that I 've had for many years , " Tim says . " I 'd find a piece of land in Nepal that had a hot springs on it , and that also had a view of the Himalayas . There , I 'd build an orphanage , and a retreat center where people could come to find inner peace and healing . He answers , " I guess I 'd say something of inspiration that sets everybody right . I don 't know what that is . I guess I 'd say , follow the message of Jesus . " " I meet a lot of younger men , these days , who say , ' I know what I know . And that 's all I need to know . ' " That 's not a very healthy attitude toward learning . That kind of an attitude toward learning will cost those young men dearly . " " I am NOT a person . You know why ? Because a person , by law , is a corporation . And a corporation can be taxed . But a natural - born man cannot be taxed . " When Wesley Snipes went before the federal court for failure to pay his taxes , the federal judge asked him just one question . The judge asked him , ' Are you a person ? ' " If Wesley Snipes would have answered no , then he would have gotten off . But as soon as Snipes answered that he was a person , then the court nailed him for all of those back taxes . " Interesting legal theory that Tim has . It 's not a legal theory that I was taught in law school . But then again , I guess it makes about as much sense as allowing a camera to charge an American Citizen with a crime without giving that citizen any right to confront and examine his accuser in court . It certainly makes as much sense as suspending a citizen 's driver 's license without first making any proof that the citizen was ever given any notice of the traffic light camera ticket in the first place . But hey , when it comes down to generating a little extra income for municipalities to keep government bureaucrats fully employed , an American Citizen 's Constitutional rights are just a minor formality , right ? He says , " No . I 'm auto - pedantic . " Mark Chadwick is forty - two years old . He has been homeless , this time , since 2009 . Prior to becoming homeless , Mark was doing contract work for the Department of Defense at Los Alamos . He lost his job . Then , he lost his house . " The housing bubble got me , " he says . " That , and a little bit of cannabis . " " I 've been arrested once or twice in the past , " he says . " But it was for minor things , and I was usually in and out in a day . They have always been easy on me , because I kept my mouth shut . " " Actually , it wasn 't too bad , " he answers . " I was fed . I was clothed . People were relatively nice to me . " This is the warmest city that I 've been in during the past five years . And during those five years , I 've traveled all over the country . " I 've done a lot of reading . I 've learned a lot . If other people want to hear it , I give it to them . " I 'm not really homeless , " Mark says . " I was born here . I 'm going to live here . I 'm going to die here . This is my home . " The only thing about me and being homeless is the title . And there are plenty of my ancestors back in my family line who have lots of fancy titles . So , don 't try to tell me that a title means anything . " I was living with my parents , " Jason says . " But things got a little too crowded . So , my mom asked me to leave . There were seven of us living in a single - wide mobile home . So , it was pretty crowded . " I had my dog for about seven years . But he was just too old to live out here . So , I gave him to my mom . He 's living at my mom 's house now . " I had my dog out here with me for the first four months . I still had a car at that time , and my dog slept mostly in my car . " But then , the motor blew up . After that , I was on foot . " This is a pattern that I have seen with a lot of homeless people . First , they lose their job . Then , they lose their home . After that , at least they still have their car to sleep in , for a while . I know of at least one Auburn auto repair shop where the mechanics already do free or low - cost auto repairs for needy people . They even restore , and then give away an old car to a needy person , from time to time . But what they do is not a part of an organized program . It 's a thing that they can only afford to do from time to time , out of the goodness of their hearts . Without some kind of organized program , no single auto repair shop could meet all of the needs of Auburn 's poor , while California 's economy is more broken than a car with a blown engine . Tammy Rodriguez is David Elliott 's girlfriend . She is thirty - seven years old . David is only twenty - four . But they are both old souls . They are wiser than most other people that I 've met . And when I say that , I 'm not just talking about the homeless people I 've met . I 'm talking about everybody I 've met . But Tammy tells me that is not what happened in her case . She didn 't follow David into homelessness . In fact , it was David who followed Tammy into homelessness . Tammy had been in an abusive relationship with another man . She became homeless when she left that abusive relationship . I ask Tammy if it is difficult to hold a romantic relationship together , while struggling to survive all of the stresses of being homeless . Tammy says , " Not really . Once you accept the fact that you 're homeless , it 's not as hard . " " Just a job , " Tammy says . " Any job . " I 'd like to be working . " I 've done fast food , or retail in the past . " " That 's a very powerful statement , " I tell her . " I don 't think that I 've heard a statement like that from any other homeless person that I 've interviewed . And it seems to me to be a statement that everyone needs to hear . " This last time , he became homeless after he was released from jail . When I ask him what he was in jail for , he volunteers only that he got picked up on a warrant . David has family in the Reno area . But he wanted to stay in the Auburn area because this is where is girlfriend lives . His girlfriend is Tammy Rodriguez , whom I interviewed next . " Also , keeping all of our stuff together , and not getting ripped off . This last week , we went out of town for a couple of days . When we got back , all of our stuff had been stolen . We lost two sleeping bags , and a lot of good stuff . " " We 're not drinkers , " David adds . " So , we don 't hang around with a lot of the other homeless people . We try to keep mostly to ourselves . That way , we also avoid any run - ins with the cops . " I 'd own my own business , " David says . " I like doing tree work , so it would probably be a tree maintenance service . Or , maybe an all - around maintenance kind of business . Because I 'm kind of an all - around maintenance guy . " It feels a little strange . . . finding myself in a position where one of the homeless people is helping me out , instead of the other way around . And yet , there is also something about being in that position that feels right . I am very grateful to Vicky for bailing me out . I met Scott English and his girlfriend on a cold winter morning , after they 've had a rough night . The ground outside was still wet from several days of heavy rain . But on that Friday Night , the sky cleared , and it got very cold . In order to prevent the ground moisture from soaking their sleeping bags , Scott and his girlfriend spent the night trying to sleep on a concrete slab , in the freezing cold . From the way that they looked on Saturday Morning , I don 't think either one of them had gotten much sleep . Scott is thirty - nine years old , but he looks younger than that . Although he was somewhat haggard on that morning , he is actually a very handsome man . He is an eloquent speaker , and very intelligent . When you talk to him , his facial expressions remind you of a famous actor . But that actor is not famous enough for me to remember his name . " Back then , " he says , " The economy was way better . And people just gave you money . So , I could get enough money to get drunk when ever I wanted , and I didn 't have to work to pay for the alcohol . So , for me , being homeless was great . " But that was a different time . Nowadays , being homeless is not so great . " " Staying sober . I 've done a lot of drinking , and I 've also done all kinds of drugs . But alcohol is my drug of choice . " Right now , I 've got three days of being clean and sober . " I 'd like to stay that way . But it 's really hard . " Like today , I am really wanting to drink . " But all they do is tell you , go here , and then , go there . Those government employees get paid to run you around . It 's all just a big run around . It 's all B . S . " And by the way , the worst possible thing that you can do for a homeless person is to give him money . Because , most of the time , they use the money to buy drugs or alcohol . " So , the money that you give them feeds their addiction . " And if you keep feeding their addiction long enough , it just gets worse and worse , until eventually , they get crazy , and they hurt people to get what they need . " " I know how to play a guitar for God , " Scott says . " And I 'm good at loving the loveless . Because I 've been loveless a whole lot . Near the end of my interview with Scott , he says something about learning to live by faith that is so brilliant , and so eloquently stated that I can 't get it all written down . Instead , I tell Scott that while I was listening to him , I was wishing that I could speak that eloquently myself . I tell Scott that he is one of the most brilliant and eloquent men that I have ever encountered . I tell him that he has the power to make a positive difference in the lives of a lot of people . And if he doesn 't stay sober , and use his God - given talent to help other people , it will be a tragedy . Selena - Rose first became homeless when she decided to leave home and move down to Paso Robles with her boyfriend . But by the time they got to Paso Robles , her boyfriend had changed his mind about wanting to be with her . So , he left her at the bus station . There was a homeless man in Paso Robles , named Tim the Sailor , who helped Selena - Rose learn the ropes when she was first homeless . Selena - Rose says that Tim the Sailor treated her like she was his own daughter . She was stuck in Paso Robles for about two weeks . Guests of The Gathering Inn are only allowed to stay with The Gathering Inn at night for six months . When Selena - Rose had used up all of her six months of sleeping at The Gathering Inn , she was back out on the streets . From mid - July to early November , Selena - Rose slept in her mother 's garage . She was forced to sleep in the garage because her mother 's landlord would not allow Selena - Rose to move back into her mother 's house until her mother was able to come up with enough additional rent money to pay for the additional tenant . Selena - Rose finally got back into her mother 's home . But she has to pay a part of the rent . It 's difficult for Selena - Rose to come up with her share of the rent , because she is disabled . She has Rheumatoid Arthritis in her back and neck . She also has mental disorders . When I ask Selena - Rose if she is on medications , she says , " I only take the medications that are for the worst of the things that I have . I take the medications for my bi - polar , and for my depression . But I also have Asberger 's , and Turret 's Syndrome . " Well , I was on Medi - Cal , " she answers . " So , I was able to get my medications . But I had trouble scheduling doctor 's appointments , because I don 't have a cell phone , and I couldn 't make the calls , and then get a call - back . " " Getting food , " she says . " Even when you can get to a food closet , you can only carry so much food . And a lot of times , that food is perishable . So , it doesn 't last very long . " Food stamps don 't buy much . One time , we calculated it out , and the value of the food stamps that you get for a month , if you divide it by the number of days in the month , comes out to about $ 6 . 25 per day . That 's doesn 't buy you enough food for one meal a day . " I 'd open up a shelter for the homeless . And it would be open to all homeless people , no matter what kind . Alcoholics would be welcome , drug addicts would be welcome , and stray animals too . Because I love animals . I want to become a Veterinary Technician someday . " It wouldn 't be a place like The Gathering Inn . There would be no time limit on how long you could stay there . " And it wouldn 't involve getting dragged around from one church to another , night after night , like The Gathering Inn . It would be a permanent shelter , in a permanent building . And it would have a kitchen in it , so that we could feed people . " " It 's really hard for me to hate , " she answers . " I should hate a lot of people . But I can 't . I should hate my ex - boyfriend who left me at the bus station . But I don 't . Selena - Rose has a new boyfriend now . He is sitting with her , and he seems like a nice young man . He and Selena have been friends for quite some time . But they 've only been romantically involved for about three days " It 's not glamorous being homeless , like some people say , " Selena - Rose says . " If you go to the hospital , they treat you badly . They treat you differently at the hospital , if they know that you 're homeless . They are rude . It 's humbling and awe - inspiring , during those rare moments when you catch the signs that God 's hand is guiding your daily life . I am only able to see those signs once in awhile . I wish that I was more awake , and that I had stronger faith . Because I believe that God 's hand is guiding my daily life all the time . It 's just that much of the time , I 'm not awake enough to realize it . I 've been angry , on and off , for two or three weeks . I 've been angry about some things that happened in one of the service clubs I belong too . I 've also been angry about the results of the recent State and National elections . I know that most of my grievances are relatively petty . But that doesn 't keep me from being angry . I try to just forget about it , and let it go . But I am an imperfect human being . So , at about 3 : 30 on this past Saturday Morning , I woke up , and I couldn 't get back to sleep . I laid there in bed , being angry . At 7 : 00 A . M . , it was time for me to drive down to the Seventh Day Adventist Church to interview homeless people . But , I didn 't want to go . I hadn 't slept enough . I was tired . And I was still angry . But I had to go and do the interviews . Because one of my young college students was going to meet me at the church , to meet some of the homeless people , and to observe the interviews . I was still angry and grumpy as I drove to the church . I wondered how I was going to conduct interviews with love in my heart , when all I really want to do was punch somebody in the mouth . I arrived at the church , and walked into the breakfast room . My college student had not yet arrived . I looked for someone to interview . It 's getting tougher for me to find someone to interview now , because I already know so many of the regulars . I spotted a small man with glasses whom I 've never seen before . He was seated at a table near a far corner of the room . I introduced myself , and told him about my homeless book project . He agreed to be interviewed . " I rented a room from a guy who became verbally abusive , " Roland says . " I have anger issues . I have a bit of trouble managing my anger . I 'm getting a little better at managing my anger , these days . But I finally just couldn 't deal with it from this guy any longer . So , I moved out . " My former roommate owns a restaurant here in Auburn . He is manipulative , and belittling . He used to hide the frying pay somewhere up high , so that I couldn 't cook anything . He 'd hide the can opener up high too . " When Roland starts our conversation by telling me that he has problems managing his anger , but that he is getting better at it , and I have to laugh . It 's a God thing , that I bump into Roland at this particular , angry moment in my life . I tell Roland that it 's a God thing , and explain to him that I 've been having trouble managing my own anger , lately . Since Roland says that he 's been getting better at managing his anger , I ask him if he 'd be willing to share what 's been working for him . " Think about positive things , " Roland says . " When you first get up in the morning , think about something positive that you did yesterday , or think about something positive that you 're going to do today . " I have to maintain a positive attitude , " Roland says . " Because if I don 't , I 'm the type of person who likes to hurt people . I lose control completely . " One time , I got into a fight with a cop . I broke the cop 's jaw , and his arm . " They were trying to give me twenty years in jail for that . " But the cops had beaten the living tar out of me . I was black and blue all over . And because of the beating that the cops gave me , they dropped all of the charges against me . " I 'm homeless right now , because I just can 't seem to find a good roommate . Since 2009 , I 've had eight different roommates . None of them worked out . The roommate that I had just before this one robbed me . " Roland is a rather short man . In the past , I 've know several short men who had problems with their temper . So , I ask Roland if he thinks one reason he may have trouble with his temper is because he is shorter than most men , and perhaps other people tend to pick on him because he is smaller than most other men . " No , " Roland says . " I don 't think it has anything to do with my size . . . . Roland points to an electric wheelchair in a nearby corner of the room . Up until then , I had no idea that Roland needed a wheelchair to get around . Roland had already transferred himself from his wheelchair to a seat at one of the breakfast tables before I came into the room . I look at Roland 's electric wheelchair , and I have to ask , " Gee , Roland . You don 't have a place to live . So , you don 't have any place to plug in your wheelchair to recharge the battery . How do you manage that ? " " Oh , sometimes , I go to Burger King and buy a cup of coffee , " Roland says . " And while I 'm there , they let me plug in and recharge for awhile . Other times , I go over to the Placer County Welcome Center , and recharge there . " Roland nods that he knows that feeling . " And being homeless tends to age you pretty fast , " he says . " After awhile , you spend a lot of your time just wondering - where 's my next meal going to come from ? " " Instead of hating each other . There 's so much hate in this world . I 've seen so much of it myself . Especially down in Latin America . " Roland tells me that his mother was from Guatemala , and his father was from El Salvador . Back in the days when Roland was a general contractor , he used to work for about six months , and save up about $ 20 , 000 . Then , he 'd take about six months off , and go down into Latin America and live like a rich man , until his money began to run out . Then , he 'd come back to the U . S . and go back to work again . During his trips to Latin America , Roland saw a lot of poverty , and suffering , and hate . " I can teach people , " Roland says . " I can sit down , and talk to people . I can take over a room . I 've been told that I have charisma . " And I 'd tell them - I know these things from personal experience . I know about having yellowed , rotten teeth , and I know about losing your teeth from abusing drugs . And I know about getting Rheumatoid Arthritis in your joints , and getting crippled up by drugs . " Dealing with kids is a special thing to do , " he says . " You have to have the art . You have to have the patience . If you don 't have patience , you 're not going to get through to them . " Louis Verdugo used to live in an apartment over on Pine Street , not far from Hilda 's Bakery , in Auburn . He was working for a contractor that specialized in jacking up old , historic houses and rebuilding their foundations . Louis was a waterproofing specialist . He was in training to become a journeyman carpenter , and then , to become a general contractor himself . " That 's when you really start budgeting , " Louis says . " You watch every single nickel . For a long time , I lived on a Jumbo Jack ( hamburger ) that I could get for $ 1 . 75 , and two tacos for 99 cents . " " I once went without a shower for eight days , " Louis says . " Then , I couldn 't take it no more . My skin started dying on my feet . And you start scratching yourself , all over . " I went to Dollar Tree . I took the money that I got from canning ( collecting cans and bottles from trash cans to sell back for the deposit money ) , and bought some shampoo , and some dish soap for a dollar . I got some free plastic bags from a park . I put on my swim trucks , and found a water spigot . I took a plastic cup , and poured cold water over myself , washed myself off with dish soap , and then rinsed off . " I used to get depressed . But now , there 's no time for that . Now , my life is getting depressed , versus , where do I get a shower now ? " And I don 't worry over any of the small stuff any more . I used to worry over little things like , should I buy Irish Spring , or Dove soap ? Now , it 's just give me a bar of soap . I don 't care what kind . " " It doesn 't matter what anyone else tells you . If you have love in your heart , you can do anything . You must stay confident . And you have to keep going forward . " When Joe grew up , he served in the United States Army . He has a California Identification Card , and a Social Security Card . But now that he needs help from the United States Government , our government denies that this homeless veteran is an American . He applied for Social Security Disability . But the United States Government denied him benefits . They said that his immigration status was alien , and therefore , this U . S . Army veteran was not entitled to Social Security Benefits . Joe has been homeless for about three months now . He had been living with his father . But when his father died , Joe had no place to go . And he couldn 't work because of his stroke . " Asking for help , " Joe says . " Today , it 's based upon who you are . If people like you , they 're going to help you . If not , then you don 't get any help . " I don 't ask him if he thinks that it 's because he 's Japanese . I don 't ask him if he thinks that it 's because he 's old , and can no longer work . There are some things that you just don 't ask a man . " One day , I was out on the street corner , flying a sign , and I counted the number of cars that went by me without offering me any kind of help . Do you know how many cars went by me before one car stopped ? Five - hundred cars ! Only one car out of five hundred cars cared enough to stop . " " This is me . If I have something that can help someone else who is in need , I would help him . I would guide him . I would care for him . I would share my beliefs in God and in Jesus . " I want people to know that homeless people are just as important as other people . . . especially those who fought for their Country . They deserve care . They deserve help . They deserve respect . Tammy Botto is Doug Knapp 's fiancé . She is fifty - four years old . She became homeless at the same time as Doug . She and Doug were living with Doug 's mother . But then , Doug 's mother sold her house and moved into an assisted living facility . What 's the hardest part about being homeless for Tammy ? " Right now , it 's the rain . Just trying to stay dry . " We can 't put up a tent , because as soon as you put up a tent , the police come and run you out . So , we 've been sleeping outside without even a tent . " We have a tarp . We tied the tarp up to a tree . We put our sleeping bags under the tarp , and that 's where we 've been sleeping . " The people that we 're living with . . . they 're thieves . They 're liars and thieves . This last week , one of them stole my purse . " I only looked away from it for just a second . There were three other homeless people who were sitting there . I turned away to put something into the trash . And when I looked back , my purse was gone , and so were all three of those people . " Another thing about the homeless people around here is that they 're filthy . Some of them don 't clean up their camps . They leave piles and piles of garbage in the places where they camp . " This is something that the sheriffs could do something about . There is no place where we homeless people can legally take our garbage to dump it . Instead of just running homeless people out of where they are camping , they should bring a dumptser to a place near the campsites and tell the homeless people that either they clean up their camps , or they have to get out . " Tammy is upset about the loss of her purse . She had $ 250 in it that she had just received . She was planning to use that money to travel to Lake Tahoe , to see her first grandchild for the first time . But now , she doesn 't know how long it 's going to take her to get there . " You 've got to have the same morals and values that you were taught when you were young , " she says . Tammy has a charming Southern accent . So , I ask her where she is from . I smile and tell Tammy that it 's a small world . My mother was raised in Memphis , Tennessee . Her father was the sheriff . He was shot and killed when my mother was just sixteen years old . I also spent some time stationed at Columbus Air Force Base , in Mississippi . I tell Tammy that I miss drinking banana daquiries , and she laughs . Then , we joke about drinking wine out of a paper bag that you have to hold under the table while eating dinner at a restaurant in one of Mississippi 's " dry " counties . " The first time I was married , I was still in Mississippi , " Tammy says . " I was seventeen years old . " We were married for about two years . Then , my husband was in a car accident , and was paralized . " I had to make the decision to have his life support unplugged , and to let him die . " I sit back in my chair . " Wow . That must have been a pretty tough thing for you to have to do , being only nineteen years old , " I say . " It was hard , " she says . " But it wasn 't as bad as it could have been . My husband and I have been fighting , and had been breaking up and then getting back together again , for several months before his accident . Besides that , he told me what he wanted to do . So , I did what he wanted . " Well , " she says , " Back in about 1933 or 1939 , the American Medical Association made the diagnosis that alcoholism is a form of disease . And some people have a genetic pre - disposition to becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol . " So , when you have that gene , like I do , when I took that very first pill , I was on my way to addiction . " My father was an alcoholic and my brother was an alcoholic . The addiction gene seems to run in my family . " My form of addiction was to prescription pain pills . I took Norco . It 's hydrocodone , which is the pain killer that they give almost everyone at the hospital . " The man that I married later was a doctor , and he 'd prescribe it for me . " I was married to a doctor for eighteen years . And I had four children with him . But we eventually broke up because I couldn 't overcome my addiction to Norco . " I got arrested , and went to jail for drugs . I was sent to a prison that is located in the little town of Norco , California . I can 't help laughing when Tammy says , " I got sent to Norco for doing Norco . Go figure . " When ever I walk into a room , I bring joy . I bring light . I bring laughter . I bring warmth , and energy . I am a very good person . " I have four beautiful children . And now , I have my first grandchild . I have four of the most beautiful children in all the world . And they 're not really my children . They 're actually God 's children . " Right now , my goal is to get to Lake Tahoe , to see my first grandchild . I don 't know how I 'm going to do it , but somehow , I 'm going to get there . No matter what . " A few days after interviewing Tammy , I hear that Tammy 's purse was found by a homeless man , who returned the purse to her . The contents of the purse had been scattered all over the ground . But when the purse was returned to Tammy , it still had one hundred and fifty dollars in it . That money was inside of a zippered pouch in the purse that had not been unzipped . When its raining down here in Auburn in the winter , it is usually snowing up at Lake Tahoe . And the roads are really bad . But I hope that Tammy makes it up to Lake Tahoe to see her first grandchild soon . There are few things in all the world that are quite so magical as seeing your first grandchild for the first time . In the movies , love is romantic in the rain . But in real life . . . not so much . In the movies , maybe there 's a sudden cloudburst that chases the laughing young lovers into a hidden shelter , where they end up embracing and kissing . When I met Doug Knapp , it had been pouring down rain , on and off , for about a week . Another major downpour was expected that night . I met him on a Saturday Morning , at the free breakfast at the Seventh Day Adventist Church . He was wet , and cold , and miserable . His speech was not slurred , but it was a bit fuzzy . . . as if perhaps he was coming down from something . I don 't know from what , and I didn 't ask . As we spoke , he rocked back and forth , ever - so - slightly . Maybe he was rocking because he was trying to get warm . Or , maybe he was rocking because of his physical and emotional pain . Doug says that he and his wife have been homeless for a little more than three months . Prior to becoming homeless , he and his wife had been staying at his elderly mother 's house . But his mother sold her house and moved into an assisted living facility . Doug and his wife had to move out . They became homeless during the middle of the August heat wave . Now , they are trying to survive the rain and the cold . Usually , I interview homeless people by myself . But on this morning , I had a helper . A young student from one of my business law classes at the college has come with me . He wrote a paper about the homeless for one of his English classes . On this day , he is tagging along with me , so that he can meet some of my homeless friends face - to - face . Doug gets a pained expression on his face , and shrugs . " I don 't know , " he says . " I haven 't seen her for about three days . " We had a fight , and we split up . " We had been sleeping in the back of a pickup truck , to get out of the rain . But it was pretty rough in there , and she got . . . she just got . . . well , she got pretty frustrated . " She isn 't really my wife . I just call her that . She 's actually my fiancé . We 've been together for about four years now . " " No . Not since I split up with Tammy . " Last night , I didn 't have any tent , or anywhere to go to get out of the rain . So , I ended up sneaking over to the apartments over in the greens . Those apartments have carports instead of garages . I sneaked under one of the carports , and hid behind a car , and slept there . I am so grateful that my young college friend is with me to hear all of this . He is a fine young man , from a fine family . He is tall and good looking . He is on the basketball team at the college . He is an " A " student . He arrived at the church this morning in his newly - purchased BMW . Although he might still be too young to fully understand it yet , his life is richly blessed . Fortunately , this young man is wise enough to have known that before he came here . That 's why he came . At that moment , our interview is interrupted . " My wife just came in , " he says . He points to one of the women who has just come in . " That 's her , over there . I haven 't seen her for two or three days . " " Go ahead then , Doug . You go and do what you need to do . That 's more important than this . We can finish this interview some other time . " About twenty minutes later , Doug comes back . He is smiling . He and his fiancé have reconciled . He wants to finish his interview before he and his fiancé leave together . " I have twenty years of experience as a line cook at restaurants . But , I also have a felony on my record . So , even though I 've been off of parole for quite some time , when I apply for a job , I don 't get it . My experience doesn 't count enough to overcome the fact that I have a felony on my record . And what bugs me the most about it is that the hiring people never even bother to ask what the felony was . " It bothers me that I can 't be a better provider for Tammy . " I 'd help everybody out . But . . . there 's so much to take care of . So many needs . And some people do get a bit greedy about what they need . " But there are a lot of blessings in being out here too . " Like , one day , there were four of us sitting together , and a lady drove by and stopped , and asked us if we were hungry . When we said yes , she went to Dennys , and bought all four of us a really nice lunch , in carry - out boxes , and gave it too us . It was really nice of her . She was a real blessing . " The young college man is watching . I don 't have to look at him . I can feel him . There is a sort of gush of compassion for Doug that is flowing out of the young man . He really is a fine young man . It is good for all three of us that he is here . Then , Doug stands up to leave . He says that he would like to stay and talk to us some more , but he is worried that his wife wants to leave . He doesn 't want her to leave without him . AUTHOR ' S NOTE : I counted up the number of articles in this series that are actually interviews , instead of articles about related subjects . The total number of interviews is about ninety . But some are repeat interviews with the same homeless person . So , after this article , the number of additional interviews that I still need to complete to have interviews with one - hundred Auburn - area homeless people is about fourteen . Posted by Derek Wautlet is a remarkably good - looking man . He is about six feet , six inches tall . He has piercing blue eyes , and chiseled facial features . He looks straight at you , constantly and intently . If there were not so much kindness in his eyes , the intense way that he looks at you might be unsettling . But because of the kindness , the way that he looks at you is not unsettling . In fact , it 's sort of comforting . Derek is twenty - eight years old . He is still a young man . But his extraordinary height , combined with the steadiness of his voice make him seem , at times , as if he is much older . In 2009 , Derek was working for a local restaurant called Joe Carribe . He suffered a back injury , and could no longer work . He was on worker 's compensation for a while . But it didn 't pay him enough to pay his rent . So , he lost his apartment , and became homeless . Derek will tell you that his path to becoming homeless has been very special . To him , it has been a path of spiritual growth . He grew up here in Auburn , in a Catholic family . He went to St . Joseph 's . Now , Derek is convinced that being homeless , here in Auburn , is exactly where God wants Derek to be . " The Lord wants me to be here , " Derek says . " Working with the homeless , and helping them . " Materialism doesn 't work out for me . When I tried materialism , the only message I got was , ' Go back to church . ' I went to church last Sunday . " I 've been kind of living a double life . But I must choose one path or the other . I choose this path - to live out here , and to help the homeless people I meet . This is like a Mormon mission for me . " I asked about going on a regular Mormon mission . But I was told that I would have to be a regular member of the church for at least a year before I could go on a mission . I couldn 't wait that long . " I know how to help homeless people because I 've been homeless myself . " Being homeless is sort of like falling into a vortex . Once you get sucked in , it 's really hard to leave . " While I was studying all of those different forms of religious beliefs , I encountered a lot of obstacles to my faith . " But as soon as I was baptized , my faith became a snap . I just stopped worrying about it . " But when you 're homeless , you can 't get a shower as often as you would like . And then , you get dirt under your fingernails . And your clothing gets a little worn . And all of that sort of accumulates to make you look more and more like a homeless person . " You shouldn 't be judged on these things . You shouldn 't be judged by the way that you look . You should be judged on your heart , and by what you do . " There 's a sort of irony , in this Country , with regard to the way that we treat our criminals , and the way that we treat our non - criminal homeless people . Today , it 's cold and raining outside . Those who have been convicted of crimes are over at the jail , where they have shelter from the rain , and a warm , dry bed , and they get fed regular meals . But the non - criminal homeless people are left out in the cold rain to starve . " This happens because the Country is capitalist . There 's money to be made in criminals . But there 's no money to be made with the homeless . " " I 've had some of the greatest spiritual lessons ever from homeless people . Sometimes , I meet another homeless person that you 'd never expect to be a messenger through whom God , or Jesus , is trying to talk to you . But that is what happens . " I think there is a new paradigm coming . I think that we are finally waking up . We can 't keep stepping on our brothers and our sisters . " I ask Derek what he believes is special and unique about him . As I ask him this , I can 't help thinking about his piercing blue eyes . He is still looking right at me . . . right into my own eyes , and perhaps , right into my soul . " You will help them , " I tell him . " You will be a great help to a lot of homeless people , because when you talk to them , you will look right at them , and you will really see them . " This is a great gift that you can give to them . " Because , as you know , most people are afraid of homeless people , and won 't even look at them . Homeless people become so accustomed to not being seen by others that , after a while , they begin to feel as if they are invisible . " It 's almost as if they have ceased to exist . " But when you look at them , you will really see them . They will know that they still exist , and that their lives still matter . " John Ellstrom is forty - five years old . He grew up in the small town of Otis Orchard , Washington . He has been homeless most of his adult life . " I didn 't feel loved by my family , " he said . " I was an adopted child . " My parents were good people . They had kind of Victorian principles . Both of them were college - educated . They didn 't drink much . " I could see it coming when I was younger . My parents would make comments about how tough it was going to be for them , once we became teenagers . " Then , when I did become a teenager , it was like , my parents ' love for me just went away . Instead , my parents started asking , ' When are you going to leave ? ' " I kept moving around , from job to job . I worked for a number of carnivals . Once in awhile , I 'd get a pretty good job situation . But every time , something would go wrong , and I 'd eventually lose my job . " I 'd travel around for awhile . But eventually , some police officer would stop me for something , and run my name through the computer , and see that I was wanted for a parole violation . Then , I 'd get hauled back to jail , and I 'd have to serve another four to six months for parole violation . " When I finally got off of parole , things were looking up for me . I was working for a carnival . " But then , I fell off of a carnival ride , and broke my hip . " Since the carnival had been paying me under the table , I had no health insurance , and I had no worker 's compensation . " I do drink a bit , and I smoke some weed . But doing that helps to kill the pain . I 've got physical pain in my hip , and emotional pain from being homeless , jobless , and crippled up . " I 've applied for disability . " But the Social Security people said , ' If you can still put a shoe into a box , then you are still well enough to work . ' Well , that 's easy for them to say . But I 've got six screws in my leg . I sure can 't do the kind of work at the carnival that I used to do . " " I 'd continue my education . I 'd get a college degree . Then , I 'd like to build something , or invent something that would help the whole world . " I 'm a very intelligent person . I just sometimes have a bit of a problem with being responsible , and with managing my money . I 'd like to use the gifts that God gave me to do something good for the world . " " Yes . Don 't group homeless people all in one category . We 're all out here for different reasons . We 're not all the same . " " Part of why I 'm out here is just bad luck . Every time I get into something good , it gets all twisted . I 've tried some group recovery programs . But even those attempts turned out bad for me . I 've shot myself in the foot , a lot of times . " " See what it 's like to be homeless . See what it 's like to have no bills to pay , no rent , no utility bill , and no job . " Come out here , and sit down with a few other homeless people , and drink a few beers with them , and find out what we 're really like . " When you meet someone out here , the person you meet could be a friend , or an enemy . He could be a robber , or even a molester . When you 're out here , you get to know people real quick . " This is the one - hundredth article in the series of articles on Auburn - area homeless people . For those of you who have been with me for the whole series , thank you . As you already know , it has been an incredible spiritual journey and learning experience for me . The journey is not yet over . The initial goal was to interview one hundred Auburn - area homeless people . The one - hundredth article does not complete this project , because several of the early articles were not interviews of homeless people , but rather , were articles about Ryan Frew , the documentary film maker , or his film . So , there will be more interviews of homeless people posted on this blog , until I reach one hundred . I 'm not sure how many more that will be . I 've lost count of exactly how many interviews I 've done . Over this Holiday weekend , I will go back and count up how many interviews have been completed , and how many more are needed . When I get the count , I 'll let you know . I hope that you , and all of your loved ones have a wonderful , Happy Thanksgiving !
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Today I was working on Valentine 's Day crafts . To my surprise , Sammy was all about it ! He just chilled chewing on his bones and toys . He had a lazy , sleepy Sunday . Sammy is getting so big ! Not so puppy where he needs to be playing or being entertained all the time . He is quite happy to just be in the same vicinity . I 'm not sure if I 'm happy or not about it . I 'm happy that he independant , but I kinda miss my baby . He is still my baby , but not the same . Silly corgi getting me all emotional ! Lol . Erik read a blog that I wrote where I brushed over Sammy 's roots . Although he thought it was a good synopsis , he did not think it did that adventure justice . I told him I would dedicate a new post to Sammy 's homecoming . See now , Sammy was our ' accident . ' Last summer Erik and I were apartment shopping . We wanted something where we could get a pup . Originally I wanted to save a dog from the humane society and he wanted to get a puppy . Apartment shopping for apartments of reasonable prices and accepting of dogs was not fun . Eventually , by luck of the draw , we found the Fox Run Apartments . They were nice looking . Close to both the schools we needed to be close by and not too far from our jobs . They had nice big pantrys , walk in closets , an atrium ( in ours ) and a circle , through the dining room , kitchen and living room , my favorite part . They also accepted dogs . After putting down the deposit and having a future home , we looked towards the puppy part . Fox Run had a deal with the humane society where the dog would be half price and pet deposit half price , as well . Sounded great , so we looked into the humane society a couple times . Wonderful dogs , but they exceeded the 40 lb . limit given by Fox Run . My aunt and our friends have a Basset Hound and I thought a Basset would be great ! They have those droopy , sad eyes , long floppy ears and they drooled and slobbered . I don 't know why , but I find the slobbery , drooling dog just so endearing ! Our other friends had just gotten a puppy that was a Minature Schnauzer . He was a super sweet dog . He didn 't seem like a Schnauzer because he didn 't have his tail docked and they let him keep his shaggy hair , rather than the " schzauzer cut . " Erik enjoys anime and , I don 't remember which one , but one of them has a dog as a main - ish character , named Ein . Ein was a Pembroke Welsh Corgi . He kept talking to me about the corgi . I kinda half listened because I didn 't want an anime dog ! I had a dog breed book and we refered to it frequently . I tried to expand my horizons , Erik kept coming back to the Pembroke Welsh Corgi . We were at a stalemate , which was just fine because we couldn 't have a dog yet anyway . Over the couple of months prior to moving , and really talking about a dog , we tried different names . We couldn 't agree on names either . I likeAugust 6 , 2009 . Day before moving day . We are finishing up getting ready to move . Erik likes fish . We have fish and lots of fish stuff and even more fish books . We frequent the petstores looking at the latest stock in fish . Erik does lots of research looking at fish stuff online and setting up pretend aquariums . We have Aquarium magazine . We even have a dvd that is live footage of chiclids in Lake Tanganyika . At the time we had an angelfish and a picasomist . We drove down the street to Petland to get travel bags for the fish . To get to the fish , you have to get past everything else . . . including the puppies . I love dogs . I always have . Why walk through all the aisles when you could walk past all the puppies ? So we did . There was a sad little corgi all by himself in a crate . He looked so sad , and too big for his crate . They have two levels of puppies with windows facing the store . Each crate has a fence - like bottom where their bathroom falls through , and they have a water bottle for drinking . Most puppies have roommates , but the big ones are alone . I looked at Erik and said , " Ok , lets just look at the corgi . I wanna see what they are like , up close . You really want one , so lets just check him out . " He said fine and we flagged down a worker . He put us in a little room and said he would be right out with him . Said he was a great dog , one of the best . It took less than a second before I was off the seat and on the floor to the little guy . He walked right up to me and gave me a kiss on the nose ! That was it for me , I was gone . Erik began working the numbers immediately . He was adorable . He warmed up pretty fast , and he was definately curious . They guy came over after a couple minutes and talked to us about him . Told us how he had been there a long time . Told us that he was very sweet and loving , but a little sad and depressed . Told us that their vets had detected some hip displacia , but that after being adopted he would be able to still be active and all , just careful . He told us this little pup was a clearance pup . Originally priced at over a thousand dollars , he was under three hundred . Still came with all the perks . He gave us a couple more minutes and a toy to play with . We both wanted him . Me probably more than Erik , but then again , he kissed my nose ! When we talked to the guy , we told him about how we were going to be moving the next day and that we really wanted him , was there a way we could make sure no one else could buy him ! We bought him that day , along with everything else . We really didn 't plan on a puppy for at least a month or two . They were going to hold him the next day , and even to the following day if we needed . I didn 't think we would need that extra day , I didn 't think I would be able to wait any longer ! So he asked if we had a name , and so he became Samerson . They put up a little sign on his window saying " Sammy has been adopted " so noone would get the wrong idea about my little puppy ! Lol . It was very hard to put him back . I tried to explain to him , this was just temporary and that we would be back tomorrow for him . I don 't know why , but I just wanted him to understand it . Then we left with a bag of new puppy items and our free fish travel bags . After leaving I sent the pic to all my friends to show off my baby ! Then we drove to my mom 's to show her her new grandpuppy ! His middle name was sorted out that night . Samerson Wegener . Alfred Wegener is the founder of plate tectonics , basically the father of modern geology . I am a geology major , so it seemed apprioate ! August 7 , 2009 . Moving day . I barely got any sleep thinking about Sammy having to sleep alone again . I knew he had his blanket , but I wanted to bring him home ! Needless to say , I gained some super powers for moving . It was quite amazing . It was the hottest day of the year , really it was . And we were moving to a third floor apartment . We had some help , but we had alot of big and heavy things . It was not fun in the least . I just kept thinking about Sammy and getting done fast meant getting him faster . When picking up a box , I would say " this is for Sammy ! " Kept my spirits high . Erik however didn 't handle moving so well . He was probably in heat stroke . After everyone had left , I wanted to straighten up a couple things . Pick up cords , make clear routes through the apartment for us before Sammy came home . I also wanted a full bowl of water , food and treats put away , as well as toys put out for him . Then I awakened Erik from his passed out state and said , " I 'm going to get him , are you coming ? " He didn 't drive nearly fast enough ! Ugh . I couldn 't wait to bring him home . We got there and I couldn 't stand still until they brought out my little baby ! Oh , he was even cuter than the day before ! He was immediately curious when he got his harness on and tightened to his size . Then he got a leash . I also had his fox with us , but that wasn 't as exciting . Even though he could have been mobile , I ended up carrying him . Outside the front door , he was already going into what we have coined : ADD Pup . He hadn 't been able to do this before . Sammy had only been in the crate since his arrival to Petland . He was born April 10 , 2009 , so he was 3 days short of 4 months old . A four month old puppy who hadn 't really been outside . It was sad to think of , but it was all going to change . All the sounds , smells , noises and two new people with a weird rope around him . Had to be weird for him . Sammy didn 't whine or struggle , his nose , ears and eyes were going every which way trying to capture everything . In the car , he warmed right up and tried looAugust 8 , 2009 . Sammy didn 't wake up once the whole night . He was up about 530 in the morning , went out and came back in and went to sleep . It took less than 2 weeks before he was no longer get up before 8 unless we did . We had a fun morning . We played outside and investigated the apartment . I remember he never made it all the way around the circle , always got distracted along the way . We took him out to the balcony we had and found that he could walk right under the railings , so we put up all sorts of things to block it off , then he had lots of fun . Sammy had one accident that morning . After Erik went to work , Sammy and I went to my cousin 's 6th birthday party . I couldn 't wait to show him off . Most of the family would be there and it was going to be fun . Sammy was a hit ! We were there all afternoon and he was able to get tons of love , little samples of people food and all the outdoors he could want ! " look at me in this cool green stuff ! " Some of Sammy 's firsts . He grew very fast . In the first week he gained 3 lbs . In the next two weeks , he gained another 8 lbs . The vets were shocked , but said it was mostly muscle , and muscle he should have already built up , but was unable to in the petstore . For quite some time , we were worried just how big he was going to get . They were worried he would exceed 35 lbs . after the second trip to the vet . He is right around 30 lbs . now at almost 10 months . His growing is now in getting longer more than anything . Sammy 's first peanut butter experience . " mmm mmm , more please " my favorite picture of Sammy . He has that fine line of cute and mischeviousness on his face . And his little tounge is sticking out ever so slightly , while his head is cocked trying to understand ! He loves this new toy deal ! Unfortunately , that story didn 't quite hit happily ever after then . We brought him home on a Friday night , past business hours , so the apartment complex did not know we had him . The following Monday , I went into the office to pay our pet deposit and such . Apparently we were not allowed to have him . It was not a fun moment for me . I kinda lost it a little . I guess that on like page 9 of the addendums they stated that no dogs under 1 year of age were allowed there . Beyond that , they needed vet verification of that . Basically it was them or the dog . We chose Sammy , but that meant we now had to have an exit fee for that apartment and we needed to find a new place allowing puppies , that would let us in within a month ( we had 30 days from that day ) , and that would be affordable for a new deposit , pet deposit and whatever else . We were very lucky to find a place within about 2 weeks , but it was very stressful until we did . It is very unfortunate that all our baby memories of Sammy are at our old apartment , where we never even unpacked , but it all has worked out . We have pictures of all the fun times , and this apartment is much better . We ran into more and more problems in our 33 days there , including break ins ( like my car ) and wiring issues . We have landed a first floor apartment where our patio opens up to grass and trees before the parking lot . Sammy has a little stake and rope out there so he can sit out there when it 's warmer . We have good neighbors , with dogs also ! We are back in our old neighborhood , so it 's more comforable . We are next to 2 parks where we take Sammy . And we have had lots of puppy memories with him here , as well . By the end of our 33 days at the apartment , he didn 't even need the barriers anymore . I believe Sammy thinks he is a short , much cuter and smarter human . I 'm sure I have contributed to this idea in his cute little puppy head . In fact , with many of his traits Erik and I say whether he got it from me or him . For example , he tosses and turns and rolls and stretches . . . etc trying to find that perfect spot to go to sleep , much like Erik . Once he is there , he is gone . There is no waking that crazy pup up ! That he got from me . Sammy is also very ticklish , weird right ? I am very ticklish as well . Sammy has crazy dreams , which reminds me I need to get a video of this sometime . He can growl and bark in his sleep as well as the cute little running paws . Those vivid ( understatement ) dreams , he got from Erik . He love , love , loves the snow , that he got from me . He can tolerate cold . . . Erik . Likes to dance . . . me . Likes watching video games . . . Erik . That list can go on and on . . . Maybe we characterize him to ourselves too much or maybe I talk to him like he is a person too much , point is he thinks he is a person ! He doesn 't just bark . . . no , no , no too easy for Sammy . He does this weird raarr - aarra - aarrraa thing that is almost like he is trying to talk . He loves to be held like a baby . Not just on his back like an infant , but also like a toddler whre his rear end is situated on my hand / arm / wrist , legs spread one along my tummy and one around my hip , often with one paw around my arm and the other dangling and it 's a toss up if he rests his head on my shoulder or if he is looking around . Weird , right ? Now I must admit , I like it , too . It melts my heart . When I ask , " can I hold you " or " do you want me to hold you ? " he jumps up on his hind legs with paws resting on my legs til I pick him up under his arms like a little kid ! And . . . it 's not just me he does this with ! Sammy does it with Erik and I think my mom , too . In the mornings ( and other times during the day ) we jam out to the radio , and when a good song comes on I " hold him " and we dance ! He loves it . More often , I don 't pick him up and I tell Sammy " lets dance pup ! " and he hops around on his hind legs while I bop back and forth . He has such a smile on his face ! If I spin around , he follows and jumps when he can . Crazy pup ! Also asserting the idea he believes he is a human , he tries to grab his rope / fox / toy when we play tug of war ! Can you believe that ? Sammy used to just try to step on it if he could . Now , Sammy will put his paw up on top of the rope and paw at it like he is trying to grab it ! He does this with his bone when he chews it also . That isn 't so weird , I know . Sammy flips it and sets it upright with his paws . Even hold it down while he tries to pull peices off or eat peanut butter out of the center . Now , he holds his doggie ice cream cup with his paw so it doesn 't slide ! I think , he thinks he has hands ! Alot of times , I 'm sure this is weird , too , but Erik and I like to wrestle ( ish ) with Sammy . I will pick him up and plop him on I wonder what he will do next to surprise me ! For quite some time Sammy has had fun popping his tennis ball . By popping I mean , that initally I think he thought it was a squeaker , as so many of our toys are , and so he tried to squeak it . This meant chewing it , or clamping it . Sammy so frequently kills squeakers , without so much as a tear in the toy itself , that he continues to " squeak " it as he walks around with it in his mouth . Sammy also does this with the tennis ball . He walks around with it in his mouth , and because he has super powers in his jaw , it makes popping noises from his chewing . Like all toys , except his fox , Sammy becomes restless and their inerds become of grave intrest to him . He wants to know what makes them squeak , and why they have stopped . The tennis ball met that fate today . While I was sitting on the couch , checkin ' out my facebook ( I 'm one of the people that enjoy farmville and mafia wars ) Sammy has begun Operation Tennis Ball . He began by just ripping off the white material . He found a rubbery interior . What could possibly be within that rubber ball ? Sammy had to know ! He found nothing more than air , but he had a lot of fun . Then he carried it around very proudly . I tried to get some good pictures , but he likes to bring it to me , too close to the camera . I hope these suffice . This past week , my mom turned the big 5 - 0 ! She is the baby of the family , so the family felt inclined to do something . I started by on the 9th by a surprise party I set up for her at Dave and Busters . Sammy was all excited because some family came into town and came over to see my digs ( cause it was new to them ) and that meant lots of attention and from new people ! He loves company ! Shortly after the first surprise , we got rid of the tree and I had the worst week ever , so Sammy wasn 't as confident as usual . Not quite as bouncy . My cousins that were not able to make it on the Dave and Busters date came into town this past weekend to do another surprise for my mom 's birthday . They came into town on Friday , so Sammy and I paced and paced waiting for Erik to hurry up and get off work so we could go to the hotel and see them . Yes , I snuck Sammy in the hotel ! He wanted to see his cousins ! He really did . They stayed in Fremont because the surprise was to be held at my Aunt and Uncle 's house in Arlington , NE ( little , itty bitty , teeny , tiny town that didn 't have it 's own hotel ) . After Erik finally got off work , the 3 of us piled in the car and navigated through the crazy fog and to the hotel . Boy was Sammy the happiest puppy ! I don 't know how much he remembers , if at all , my cousins , but he just loved them ! My cousins were in town the day after Erik and I brought Sammy home , and he went to my cousin 's 6th birthday party . He may have been a little distracted with knowing me less than 24 hrs and being crazy ADD pup at the time . . . . . Maybe I should explain that , to those who don 't know Sammy 's roots . In August of 2009 , Erik and I were moving to a new apartment . Erik loves fish . We needed to get bags to move them to the new place and lived right down the street from a petshop . We had been discussing getting a puppy , and was on our list of priorities for finding a new place . I wanted a basset hound , but they exceeded the 40 lb . limit of our new home , Fox Run Apartments . Erik wanted a corgi , all because some silly anime . Because it was an anime , I wasn 't very receptive . Well , they had this corgi puppy sitting all by himself , looking so sad and sleepy , and TOO big for his little 1 ' X2 ' crate , that didn 't even have a bottom ! It was like a fence thing so their bathroom would just fall right through . I said , " Ok , you really want one , so lets look at this little guy just so I can see what they are like . " We asked , and they put us in a room with the little corgi and the guy told us he was a great pup , one of the best . I was off the seat in a second , on the floor , he walked right over to me and gave me a kiss on the nose ! I was a goner . I think at that very moment Erik began crunching numbers . This little guy was a clearance puppy . He was born in early April , and had been there since either late April , or early May , can 't remember now . Point is , he had been in that dumb little crate way , way , way too long . He hadn 't gone outside , wasn 't able to run or anything . All he had was a water bottle and a little fleece blanket . We were at that pet store awhile calculating everything and long story short , we got him and the free travel bags for the fish . Trouble was , we were moving the very next day . We talked to the people there and they were willing to keep him there overnight and even the next night , we just had to pay for him now . It was very hard to give him back and try to explain to him that we were coming back and his whole world would be different ! The next day was moving day and all I thought about was Sammy ! It was the hottest day of the year , we mThis past weekend was the first time he had seen them since , so I 'm not sure he remembered , but he still loved the kids . He wanted to play with them and greet everyone ! My youngest cousin , I think tripped , but ended up crying and sitting on her mom 's lap . This was too much for Sammy . He tried to jump up and see that she was ok ! He ended up standed along the bed with his paws on top and feet on the floor watching her until she stopped crying ! He is so sweet . Sammy was very gentle as everyone ate , begged a little but not too bad . He ended up being able to jump on and off the bed . Quite the feat for him since our bed is on risers and much too tall for that ! But he was proud . By the end , he was fine just sitting and trying to understand what everyone was saying . Once we got home , he was out like a light . Saturday was the big party and he stayed home for that , but then we grabbed him and took him out to the hotel with us . My mom was on grandpup duty while we all swam . I had given her our camera and I guess Sammy couldn 't let it go ! She pulled it out and he just sniffed and sniffed and licked the camera . Then she pulled out hers and he sniffed , and then done . Oh , I just thought that was the cutest thing ! Sunday we had my cousins over . My cousin and her husband have three kids ( 12 , 6 , 4 ) and I refer to them all as my cousins . Erik has all the hippest video game stuff and so that 's what we did for a couple hours . We had guitar hero in the bedroom and mario kart ( with the wii steering wheel ) in the living room . Sammy went back and forth , back and forth , back and forth trying not to miss a thing ! After a little while , the youngest found my photo albums and we looked at old photos . Sammy laid on the ground between the two of us and just listened . I tell ya , Erik and I have a very mature little pup ! He is facinated by the youngest , probably because she is the smallest . Just loves her to pieces ! After everyone left , we had a movie marathon the rest of the day . Sammy rarely looks as happy as he did then ! He slept with a smile on his face . Happy to have had all the excitement , but so much happier it was just the three of us being lazy watching movies , eating popcorn ! Then he slept all night through ! I tell ya , it must be hard to be a puppy and involved in all these surprises ! This week started a new semester for me . I am a geology major , so generally I spend alot of time on campus in labs . However , last semester I just had lectures and no labs . I was able to take more classes , but overall spent less time than usual on campus . We got Sammy just before last semester began , so he has not yet had to deal with labs . Luckily I only have one lab this semester ! I have one super long day , Monday I have classes for 8 hours straight ( well , one half hour break ) . Sammy is not pleased . Not only has classes begun this week , but also about a million things have gone wrong . I was on a waitlist for a class , but didn 't make it in , making Monday a very stressful morning . I had to go to campus super early and check on my status . Found out I wouldn 't be in the class so had to try to get in another class to bring me to fulltime status . Then I had an interview . Erik drove me for this because otherwise the 20 minute task would have been at least an hour and a half . We were back home for an hour before Erik had to leave for work . Then I had to leave a half hour later for my 8 hours of classes , meaning I would be gone for over 9 hours . Everything went peachy at first , parking went smoothly , plenty of space on the first shuttle bus , first class went well , lab went well . Unfortunately I have not been able to afford the lab manual for that lab , but otherwise it went just swimmingly . Then I went to the class I wasn 't enrolled in to try to explain to the professor why I 'm there but not enrolled , the day of class . He was a - ok , so I went to his secretary who yelled at me , calling me dumb and whatever all , and in front of people . She was not going to let me in the class . Then I went to my last class , a night sociology class . I took soc before , but got in an argument with the professor the first week and dropped it , so my spirits were not high for this . I got there , and found that my original professor decided not to teach the class , and we got a new professor . This meant she was not prepared , no syllabus , everyone needed to return the original book for her book . . . . on and on . By the end , it was ok , just not how you envision your first day . It was 9pm now and freezing . I walked across campus to meet the shuttle back to my car . Got to the pick up only to find that the shuttle doesn 't run that late . I don 't take night classes , ever , and had taken it for granted I would have a shuttle back to my car . Nope . Called home , Erik had to take the dinner out of the oven to come get me to get my car to go back home and salvage dSammy is super happy see us , but he is very worried . I don 't know how dogs know these things , but he knows that things aren 't right . I ended the day like this : first round at school , fruitless , no chem class ; one in over a hundred applicants at my job interview , it 's gonna be awhile to hear from them , if I hear from them ; 8 hours of classes equalled ten and half hours of adventures ; still not a full time student , meaning no scholarship ; no books or manuals ; broken car ; major migraine . Sammy was on my heels . He was tripping over my pants . He was super cuddly to sleep with , which was nice . Tueday inevitably came . I had class at 10am . Thank goodness Erik had that day off . I drove his car to school while he had awesome times digging my car out and putting the spare on . I got back and we took it to the super busy Jensen . They didn 't have the wheel there , so it was gonna be at least 24 hours . At least we got to go home . I had to email my professor about class . Then we had to take down the tree because it wasa the last day to drop it off . I wanted Christmas to last as long as it could , but then everytime we planned to take it , a blizzard or negative twenty plus temperatures came ! This was about as much as Sammy could handle . He loved the tree ! Not only did the tree go , but all the Christmas decorations had to be put away , and regular stuff ( and winter decorations ) put out . This meant every room was adjusted . Sammy didn 't understand and took to sitting in front of the door closly watching with his head hanging low and puppy eyes out . I think he was trying to keep us inside , or for us to take him if we left . So we took him with us to drop off the tree . After we came back , he was very uplifted . It 's crazy , but I think he understood what happened . We came back and he seemed reassured , like this was just normal and part of life . Good . I was feeling guilty about how his routine had been so uprooted ! And the routine was completely weather dependant , so not quite our old routine that we loved so much . Wednesday also had to come . I had 3 classes , spaced out . First at 10 . Originally I planned to camp out on campus until the end of my last class at 5 : 30pm . However , it didn 't sound as though I would have a for sure ride home while Erik was at work . So , I have already skipped a class . Erik took me to my 10am class and he and Sammy walked in the park across the street from campus . Then we went home hoping to hear from my professor about my class and my car . Erik had to work at 2 so either I was taking him and going to class then picking him up , or we were gonna be able to get my car back . 1 : 30 and my car was ready ! Talk about a stroke of good luck . . . finally ! When I got back home , I got in my class ! I am a full time student ! Yay ! Time to go back to campus and go to that class now . Poor Sammy . He saw me grab my keys again . He hates my backpack . He knows that it means I 'm leaving . I am beginning to toy with the idea of leaving it in my car . He just gets so sad when I get it . Even if I get it to get a book or notebook out , he starts to worry ! I gave him peanut butter , and he wouldn 't take it . Oh well , things were gonna get better after this class . Or go to the new routine . Thursday has now come and gone . I had class at 10am , so we didn 't get much playing done before I had to leave . It 's the first week , so I need to leave an hour before class to get parked and get the shuttle to campus . I had to allow extra time to get my notes printed out for this class . Tuesdays / Thursdays I have GeoChem , and it 's my only class . It is what I have been waiting for ! Right now we are discussing origins of the universe and solar system , chemically that is . Then relative to the abundances we have here on Earth . Today we got to work through some nucleosynthesis equations prudent to the big bang , and even one important to our own sun . Anyway , this is the class of all classes I need an A for ! I had to get there early to get some stuff printed out , so I could be a super student ! It is my only class on Tuesdays / Thursdays so that 's an added bonus . That is was brings me to this conclusion , and this blog . I don 't really believe in New Year 's Resolutions . I find that making a resolution with one 's self is great , and can bring about better people . But why is it that it only seems to be remembered around new years . I 'm sure it is a great way to check on yourself monthly , bi - monthly , quarterly , and hopefully yearly . A was to re - begin . There is too much pressure to be this new and improved person for the year . Alot of times people seem to put too much , too fast upon themselves as well . I rather like the idea that we can wake up wanting to be a better person than the day before . Nicer , kinder , more empathetic , more forward thinking , better financially , more loving , healthier . . . . etc . Then sometime down the line , you can see real improvement in yourself . It could be a month or five years , but it happened without too much pressure , probably easier to keep because it was a process that was behind the scenes . I am going to go against this theory and idea . I am going to have my January 14th resoultion . I need to be better to Sammy . I need to wake earlier and play with him . He needs that time , so he doesn 't think get up and my parents leave . He need some attention before I leave . This schedule isn 't going to be fun with that , late classes on MWF and early classes TWR , but I can do it ! Sammy will be better off and when it gets warmer we can take walks before class and we will both be better . Here in Omaha we are freezing ! We are , yet again , in a winter storm warning and wind chill warning . Tomorrow , the high is to be - 3 with a low in the - 20 's . It is beyond freezing here . My car doesn 't like to be on , and I can 't blame it . The police is warning people to not get on roads , especially interstates because all the black ice and that it 's too cold for the salt to react with the ice . Sammy , however , can 't get enough . Sammy loves it outside ! I can 't believe it . He sits by the door and wants to go out all day long ! Once he is out there , he just wants to play and bounce around and stick his head in the snow . I feel as though the winds are pulling the skin off my face . It doesn 't help that our apartment is on the North side of the building so not only do we get no sun over here , but we get the awesome North wind everytime we open the door ! My current theory is the snow is so high that Sammy is shielded by it and can 't feel the blistery wind ! I just don 't get it . After Sammy does his business he jumps and bounces and then I will say , " Good boy Sammy ! Lets go in and get a treat ! " and I see his huge smile drop and ears fall down . He is so disappointed everytime . Then he comes in and sits at the window and assumes the position . I feel bad , I can 't keep up with Mr . Invincible . Even with long underwear , jeans , sweatshirts , coats , hats , gloves and scarves , I just can 't handle the cold ! Just thought I would share my utter amazement with Sammy 's ability to weather the weather ! ( haha ) I should say enjoy all weathers . I don 't know if it 's a corgi thing , or a Sammy thing , but I am impressed ! Stay warm everyone ! I am a geology major at University of Nebraska , Omaha . I would like to pursue something in the mineralogy field , just don 't know more than that , yet . I watch and rewatch Gilmore Girls all the time , and often refer to it . I love , love , love the holidays , sun and snow , but have strong distaste for rain . I enjoy action movies , but girly books . I love taking photos , decorating and Nebraska football . My friends are amazing , but almost my whole world is at home with Erik and Sammy . When I talk about Sammy , many believe he is my child , not my puppy which is a true reflection of how much I love him . I always said I was a doggie - mommy without a dog . Now I have my PUPPY !
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Today I was working on Valentine 's Day crafts . To my surprise , Sammy was all about it ! He just chilled chewing on his bones and toys . He had a lazy , sleepy Sunday . Sammy is getting so big ! Not so puppy where he needs to be playing or being entertained all the time . He is quite happy to just be in the same vicinity . I 'm not sure if I 'm happy or not about it . I 'm happy that he independant , but I kinda miss my baby . He is still my baby , but not the same . Silly corgi getting me all emotional ! Lol . Erik read a blog that I wrote where I brushed over Sammy 's roots . Although he thought it was a good synopsis , he did not think it did that adventure justice . I told him I would dedicate a new post to Sammy 's homecoming . See now , Sammy was our ' accident . ' Last summer Erik and I were apartment shopping . We wanted something where we could get a pup . Originally I wanted to save a dog from the humane society and he wanted to get a puppy . Apartment shopping for apartments of reasonable prices and accepting of dogs was not fun . Eventually , by luck of the draw , we found the Fox Run Apartments . They were nice looking . Close to both the schools we needed to be close by and not too far from our jobs . They had nice big pantrys , walk in closets , an atrium ( in ours ) and a circle , through the dining room , kitchen and living room , my favorite part . They also accepted dogs . After putting down the deposit and having a future home , we looked towards the puppy part . Fox Run had a deal with the humane society where the dog would be half price and pet deposit half price , as well . Sounded great , so we looked into the humane society a couple times . Wonderful dogs , but they exceeded the 40 lb . limit given by Fox Run . My aunt and our friends have a Basset Hound and I thought a Basset would be great ! They have those droopy , sad eyes , long floppy ears and they drooled and slobbered . I don 't know why , but I find the slobbery , drooling dog just so endearing ! Our other friends had just gotten a puppy that was a Minature Schnauzer . He was a super sweet dog . He didn 't seem like a Schnauzer because he didn 't have his tail docked and they let him keep his shaggy hair , rather than the " schzauzer cut . " Erik enjoys anime and , I don 't remember which one , but one of them has a dog as a main - ish character , named Ein . Ein was a Pembroke Welsh Corgi . He kept talking to me about the corgi . I kinda half listened because I didn 't want an anime dog ! I had a dog breed book and we refered to it frequently . I tried to expand my horizons , Erik kept coming back to the Pembroke Welsh Corgi . We were at a stalemate , which was just fine because we couldn 't have a dog yet anyway . Over the couple of months prior to moving , and really talking about a dog , we tried different names . We couldn 't agree on names either . I likeAugust 6 , 2009 . Day before moving day . We are finishing up getting ready to move . Erik likes fish . We have fish and lots of fish stuff and even more fish books . We frequent the petstores looking at the latest stock in fish . Erik does lots of research looking at fish stuff online and setting up pretend aquariums . We have Aquarium magazine . We even have a dvd that is live footage of chiclids in Lake Tanganyika . At the time we had an angelfish and a picasomist . We drove down the street to Petland to get travel bags for the fish . To get to the fish , you have to get past everything else . . . including the puppies . I love dogs . I always have . Why walk through all the aisles when you could walk past all the puppies ? So we did . There was a sad little corgi all by himself in a crate . He looked so sad , and too big for his crate . They have two levels of puppies with windows facing the store . Each crate has a fence - like bottom where their bathroom falls through , and they have a water bottle for drinking . Most puppies have roommates , but the big ones are alone . I looked at Erik and said , " Ok , lets just look at the corgi . I wanna see what they are like , up close . You really want one , so lets just check him out . " He said fine and we flagged down a worker . He put us in a little room and said he would be right out with him . Said he was a great dog , one of the best . It took less than a second before I was off the seat and on the floor to the little guy . He walked right up to me and gave me a kiss on the nose ! That was it for me , I was gone . Erik began working the numbers immediately . He was adorable . He warmed up pretty fast , and he was definately curious . They guy came over after a couple minutes and talked to us about him . Told us how he had been there a long time . Told us that he was very sweet and loving , but a little sad and depressed . Told us that their vets had detected some hip displacia , but that after being adopted he would be able to still be active and all , just careful . He told us this little pup was a clearance pup . Originally priced at over a thousand dollars , he was under three hundred . Still came with all the perks . He gave us a couple more minutes and a toy to play with . We both wanted him . Me probably more than Erik , but then again , he kissed my nose ! When we talked to the guy , we told him about how we were going to be moving the next day and that we really wanted him , was there a way we could make sure no one else could buy him ! We bought him that day , along with everything else . We really didn 't plan on a puppy for at least a month or two . They were going to hold him the next day , and even to the following day if we needed . I didn 't think we would need that extra day , I didn 't think I would be able to wait any longer ! So he asked if we had a name , and so he became Samerson . They put up a little sign on his window saying " Sammy has been adopted " so noone would get the wrong idea about my little puppy ! Lol . It was very hard to put him back . I tried to explain to him , this was just temporary and that we would be back tomorrow for him . I don 't know why , but I just wanted him to understand it . Then we left with a bag of new puppy items and our free fish travel bags . After leaving I sent the pic to all my friends to show off my baby ! Then we drove to my mom 's to show her her new grandpuppy ! His middle name was sorted out that night . Samerson Wegener . Alfred Wegener is the founder of plate tectonics , basically the father of modern geology . I am a geology major , so it seemed apprioate ! August 7 , 2009 . Moving day . I barely got any sleep thinking about Sammy having to sleep alone again . I knew he had his blanket , but I wanted to bring him home ! Needless to say , I gained some super powers for moving . It was quite amazing . It was the hottest day of the year , really it was . And we were moving to a third floor apartment . We had some help , but we had alot of big and heavy things . It was not fun in the least . I just kept thinking about Sammy and getting done fast meant getting him faster . When picking up a box , I would say " this is for Sammy ! " Kept my spirits high . Erik however didn 't handle moving so well . He was probably in heat stroke . After everyone had left , I wanted to straighten up a couple things . Pick up cords , make clear routes through the apartment for us before Sammy came home . I also wanted a full bowl of water , food and treats put away , as well as toys put out for him . Then I awakened Erik from his passed out state and said , " I 'm going to get him , are you coming ? " He didn 't drive nearly fast enough ! Ugh . I couldn 't wait to bring him home . We got there and I couldn 't stand still until they brought out my little baby ! Oh , he was even cuter than the day before ! He was immediately curious when he got his harness on and tightened to his size . Then he got a leash . I also had his fox with us , but that wasn 't as exciting . Even though he could have been mobile , I ended up carrying him . Outside the front door , he was already going into what we have coined : ADD Pup . He hadn 't been able to do this before . Sammy had only been in the crate since his arrival to Petland . He was born April 10 , 2009 , so he was 3 days short of 4 months old . A four month old puppy who hadn 't really been outside . It was sad to think of , but it was all going to change . All the sounds , smells , noises and two new people with a weird rope around him . Had to be weird for him . Sammy didn 't whine or struggle , his nose , ears and eyes were going every which way trying to capture everything . In the car , he warmed right up and tried looAugust 8 , 2009 . Sammy didn 't wake up once the whole night . He was up about 530 in the morning , went out and came back in and went to sleep . It took less than 2 weeks before he was no longer get up before 8 unless we did . We had a fun morning . We played outside and investigated the apartment . I remember he never made it all the way around the circle , always got distracted along the way . We took him out to the balcony we had and found that he could walk right under the railings , so we put up all sorts of things to block it off , then he had lots of fun . Sammy had one accident that morning . After Erik went to work , Sammy and I went to my cousin 's 6th birthday party . I couldn 't wait to show him off . Most of the family would be there and it was going to be fun . Sammy was a hit ! We were there all afternoon and he was able to get tons of love , little samples of people food and all the outdoors he could want ! " look at me in this cool green stuff ! " Some of Sammy 's firsts . He grew very fast . In the first week he gained 3 lbs . In the next two weeks , he gained another 8 lbs . The vets were shocked , but said it was mostly muscle , and muscle he should have already built up , but was unable to in the petstore . For quite some time , we were worried just how big he was going to get . They were worried he would exceed 35 lbs . after the second trip to the vet . He is right around 30 lbs . now at almost 10 months . His growing is now in getting longer more than anything . Sammy 's first peanut butter experience . " mmm mmm , more please " my favorite picture of Sammy . He has that fine line of cute and mischeviousness on his face . And his little tounge is sticking out ever so slightly , while his head is cocked trying to understand ! He loves this new toy deal ! Unfortunately , that story didn 't quite hit happily ever after then . We brought him home on a Friday night , past business hours , so the apartment complex did not know we had him . The following Monday , I went into the office to pay our pet deposit and such . Apparently we were not allowed to have him . It was not a fun moment for me . I kinda lost it a little . I guess that on like page 9 of the addendums they stated that no dogs under 1 year of age were allowed there . Beyond that , they needed vet verification of that . Basically it was them or the dog . We chose Sammy , but that meant we now had to have an exit fee for that apartment and we needed to find a new place allowing puppies , that would let us in within a month ( we had 30 days from that day ) , and that would be affordable for a new deposit , pet deposit and whatever else . We were very lucky to find a place within about 2 weeks , but it was very stressful until we did . It is very unfortunate that all our baby memories of Sammy are at our old apartment , where we never even unpacked , but it all has worked out . We have pictures of all the fun times , and this apartment is much better . We ran into more and more problems in our 33 days there , including break ins ( like my car ) and wiring issues . We have landed a first floor apartment where our patio opens up to grass and trees before the parking lot . Sammy has a little stake and rope out there so he can sit out there when it 's warmer . We have good neighbors , with dogs also ! We are back in our old neighborhood , so it 's more comforable . We are next to 2 parks where we take Sammy . And we have had lots of puppy memories with him here , as well . By the end of our 33 days at the apartment , he didn 't even need the barriers anymore . I believe Sammy thinks he is a short , much cuter and smarter human . I 'm sure I have contributed to this idea in his cute little puppy head . In fact , with many of his traits Erik and I say whether he got it from me or him . For example , he tosses and turns and rolls and stretches . . . etc trying to find that perfect spot to go to sleep , much like Erik . Once he is there , he is gone . There is no waking that crazy pup up ! That he got from me . Sammy is also very ticklish , weird right ? I am very ticklish as well . Sammy has crazy dreams , which reminds me I need to get a video of this sometime . He can growl and bark in his sleep as well as the cute little running paws . Those vivid ( understatement ) dreams , he got from Erik . He love , love , loves the snow , that he got from me . He can tolerate cold . . . Erik . Likes to dance . . . me . Likes watching video games . . . Erik . That list can go on and on . . . Maybe we characterize him to ourselves too much or maybe I talk to him like he is a person too much , point is he thinks he is a person ! He doesn 't just bark . . . no , no , no too easy for Sammy . He does this weird raarr - aarra - aarrraa thing that is almost like he is trying to talk . He loves to be held like a baby . Not just on his back like an infant , but also like a toddler whre his rear end is situated on my hand / arm / wrist , legs spread one along my tummy and one around my hip , often with one paw around my arm and the other dangling and it 's a toss up if he rests his head on my shoulder or if he is looking around . Weird , right ? Now I must admit , I like it , too . It melts my heart . When I ask , " can I hold you " or " do you want me to hold you ? " he jumps up on his hind legs with paws resting on my legs til I pick him up under his arms like a little kid ! And . . . it 's not just me he does this with ! Sammy does it with Erik and I think my mom , too . In the mornings ( and other times during the day ) we jam out to the radio , and when a good song comes on I " hold him " and we dance ! He loves it . More often , I don 't pick him up and I tell Sammy " lets dance pup ! " and he hops around on his hind legs while I bop back and forth . He has such a smile on his face ! If I spin around , he follows and jumps when he can . Crazy pup ! Also asserting the idea he believes he is a human , he tries to grab his rope / fox / toy when we play tug of war ! Can you believe that ? Sammy used to just try to step on it if he could . Now , Sammy will put his paw up on top of the rope and paw at it like he is trying to grab it ! He does this with his bone when he chews it also . That isn 't so weird , I know . Sammy flips it and sets it upright with his paws . Even hold it down while he tries to pull peices off or eat peanut butter out of the center . Now , he holds his doggie ice cream cup with his paw so it doesn 't slide ! I think , he thinks he has hands ! Alot of times , I 'm sure this is weird , too , but Erik and I like to wrestle ( ish ) with Sammy . I will pick him up and plop him on I wonder what he will do next to surprise me ! For quite some time Sammy has had fun popping his tennis ball . By popping I mean , that initally I think he thought it was a squeaker , as so many of our toys are , and so he tried to squeak it . This meant chewing it , or clamping it . Sammy so frequently kills squeakers , without so much as a tear in the toy itself , that he continues to " squeak " it as he walks around with it in his mouth . Sammy also does this with the tennis ball . He walks around with it in his mouth , and because he has super powers in his jaw , it makes popping noises from his chewing . Like all toys , except his fox , Sammy becomes restless and their inerds become of grave intrest to him . He wants to know what makes them squeak , and why they have stopped . The tennis ball met that fate today . While I was sitting on the couch , checkin ' out my facebook ( I 'm one of the people that enjoy farmville and mafia wars ) Sammy has begun Operation Tennis Ball . He began by just ripping off the white material . He found a rubbery interior . What could possibly be within that rubber ball ? Sammy had to know ! He found nothing more than air , but he had a lot of fun . Then he carried it around very proudly . I tried to get some good pictures , but he likes to bring it to me , too close to the camera . I hope these suffice . This past week , my mom turned the big 5 - 0 ! She is the baby of the family , so the family felt inclined to do something . I started by on the 9th by a surprise party I set up for her at Dave and Busters . Sammy was all excited because some family came into town and came over to see my digs ( cause it was new to them ) and that meant lots of attention and from new people ! He loves company ! Shortly after the first surprise , we got rid of the tree and I had the worst week ever , so Sammy wasn 't as confident as usual . Not quite as bouncy . My cousins that were not able to make it on the Dave and Busters date came into town this past weekend to do another surprise for my mom 's birthday . They came into town on Friday , so Sammy and I paced and paced waiting for Erik to hurry up and get off work so we could go to the hotel and see them . Yes , I snuck Sammy in the hotel ! He wanted to see his cousins ! He really did . They stayed in Fremont because the surprise was to be held at my Aunt and Uncle 's house in Arlington , NE ( little , itty bitty , teeny , tiny town that didn 't have it 's own hotel ) . After Erik finally got off work , the 3 of us piled in the car and navigated through the crazy fog and to the hotel . Boy was Sammy the happiest puppy ! I don 't know how much he remembers , if at all , my cousins , but he just loved them ! My cousins were in town the day after Erik and I brought Sammy home , and he went to my cousin 's 6th birthday party . He may have been a little distracted with knowing me less than 24 hrs and being crazy ADD pup at the time . . . . . Maybe I should explain that , to those who don 't know Sammy 's roots . In August of 2009 , Erik and I were moving to a new apartment . Erik loves fish . We needed to get bags to move them to the new place and lived right down the street from a petshop . We had been discussing getting a puppy , and was on our list of priorities for finding a new place . I wanted a basset hound , but they exceeded the 40 lb . limit of our new home , Fox Run Apartments . Erik wanted a corgi , all because some silly anime . Because it was an anime , I wasn 't very receptive . Well , they had this corgi puppy sitting all by himself , looking so sad and sleepy , and TOO big for his little 1 ' X2 ' crate , that didn 't even have a bottom ! It was like a fence thing so their bathroom would just fall right through . I said , " Ok , you really want one , so lets look at this little guy just so I can see what they are like . " We asked , and they put us in a room with the little corgi and the guy told us he was a great pup , one of the best . I was off the seat in a second , on the floor , he walked right over to me and gave me a kiss on the nose ! I was a goner . I think at that very moment Erik began crunching numbers . This little guy was a clearance puppy . He was born in early April , and had been there since either late April , or early May , can 't remember now . Point is , he had been in that dumb little crate way , way , way too long . He hadn 't gone outside , wasn 't able to run or anything . All he had was a water bottle and a little fleece blanket . We were at that pet store awhile calculating everything and long story short , we got him and the free travel bags for the fish . Trouble was , we were moving the very next day . We talked to the people there and they were willing to keep him there overnight and even the next night , we just had to pay for him now . It was very hard to give him back and try to explain to him that we were coming back and his whole world would be different ! The next day was moving day and all I thought about was Sammy ! It was the hottest day of the year , we mThis past weekend was the first time he had seen them since , so I 'm not sure he remembered , but he still loved the kids . He wanted to play with them and greet everyone ! My youngest cousin , I think tripped , but ended up crying and sitting on her mom 's lap . This was too much for Sammy . He tried to jump up and see that she was ok ! He ended up standed along the bed with his paws on top and feet on the floor watching her until she stopped crying ! He is so sweet . Sammy was very gentle as everyone ate , begged a little but not too bad . He ended up being able to jump on and off the bed . Quite the feat for him since our bed is on risers and much too tall for that ! But he was proud . By the end , he was fine just sitting and trying to understand what everyone was saying . Once we got home , he was out like a light . Saturday was the big party and he stayed home for that , but then we grabbed him and took him out to the hotel with us . My mom was on grandpup duty while we all swam . I had given her our camera and I guess Sammy couldn 't let it go ! She pulled it out and he just sniffed and sniffed and licked the camera . Then she pulled out hers and he sniffed , and then done . Oh , I just thought that was the cutest thing ! Sunday we had my cousins over . My cousin and her husband have three kids ( 12 , 6 , 4 ) and I refer to them all as my cousins . Erik has all the hippest video game stuff and so that 's what we did for a couple hours . We had guitar hero in the bedroom and mario kart ( with the wii steering wheel ) in the living room . Sammy went back and forth , back and forth , back and forth trying not to miss a thing ! After a little while , the youngest found my photo albums and we looked at old photos . Sammy laid on the ground between the two of us and just listened . I tell ya , Erik and I have a very mature little pup ! He is facinated by the youngest , probably because she is the smallest . Just loves her to pieces ! After everyone left , we had a movie marathon the rest of the day . Sammy rarely looks as happy as he did then ! He slept with a smile on his face . Happy to have had all the excitement , but so much happier it was just the three of us being lazy watching movies , eating popcorn ! Then he slept all night through ! I tell ya , it must be hard to be a puppy and involved in all these surprises ! This week started a new semester for me . I am a geology major , so generally I spend alot of time on campus in labs . However , last semester I just had lectures and no labs . I was able to take more classes , but overall spent less time than usual on campus . We got Sammy just before last semester began , so he has not yet had to deal with labs . Luckily I only have one lab this semester ! I have one super long day , Monday I have classes for 8 hours straight ( well , one half hour break ) . Sammy is not pleased . Not only has classes begun this week , but also about a million things have gone wrong . I was on a waitlist for a class , but didn 't make it in , making Monday a very stressful morning . I had to go to campus super early and check on my status . Found out I wouldn 't be in the class so had to try to get in another class to bring me to fulltime status . Then I had an interview . Erik drove me for this because otherwise the 20 minute task would have been at least an hour and a half . We were back home for an hour before Erik had to leave for work . Then I had to leave a half hour later for my 8 hours of classes , meaning I would be gone for over 9 hours . Everything went peachy at first , parking went smoothly , plenty of space on the first shuttle bus , first class went well , lab went well . Unfortunately I have not been able to afford the lab manual for that lab , but otherwise it went just swimmingly . Then I went to the class I wasn 't enrolled in to try to explain to the professor why I 'm there but not enrolled , the day of class . He was a - ok , so I went to his secretary who yelled at me , calling me dumb and whatever all , and in front of people . She was not going to let me in the class . Then I went to my last class , a night sociology class . I took soc before , but got in an argument with the professor the first week and dropped it , so my spirits were not high for this . I got there , and found that my original professor decided not to teach the class , and we got a new professor . This meant she was not prepared , no syllabus , everyone needed to return the original book for her book . . . . on and on . By the end , it was ok , just not how you envision your first day . It was 9pm now and freezing . I walked across campus to meet the shuttle back to my car . Got to the pick up only to find that the shuttle doesn 't run that late . I don 't take night classes , ever , and had taken it for granted I would have a shuttle back to my car . Nope . Called home , Erik had to take the dinner out of the oven to come get me to get my car to go back home and salvage dSammy is super happy see us , but he is very worried . I don 't know how dogs know these things , but he knows that things aren 't right . I ended the day like this : first round at school , fruitless , no chem class ; one in over a hundred applicants at my job interview , it 's gonna be awhile to hear from them , if I hear from them ; 8 hours of classes equalled ten and half hours of adventures ; still not a full time student , meaning no scholarship ; no books or manuals ; broken car ; major migraine . Sammy was on my heels . He was tripping over my pants . He was super cuddly to sleep with , which was nice . Tueday inevitably came . I had class at 10am . Thank goodness Erik had that day off . I drove his car to school while he had awesome times digging my car out and putting the spare on . I got back and we took it to the super busy Jensen . They didn 't have the wheel there , so it was gonna be at least 24 hours . At least we got to go home . I had to email my professor about class . Then we had to take down the tree because it wasa the last day to drop it off . I wanted Christmas to last as long as it could , but then everytime we planned to take it , a blizzard or negative twenty plus temperatures came ! This was about as much as Sammy could handle . He loved the tree ! Not only did the tree go , but all the Christmas decorations had to be put away , and regular stuff ( and winter decorations ) put out . This meant every room was adjusted . Sammy didn 't understand and took to sitting in front of the door closly watching with his head hanging low and puppy eyes out . I think he was trying to keep us inside , or for us to take him if we left . So we took him with us to drop off the tree . After we came back , he was very uplifted . It 's crazy , but I think he understood what happened . We came back and he seemed reassured , like this was just normal and part of life . Good . I was feeling guilty about how his routine had been so uprooted ! And the routine was completely weather dependant , so not quite our old routine that we loved so much . Wednesday also had to come . I had 3 classes , spaced out . First at 10 . Originally I planned to camp out on campus until the end of my last class at 5 : 30pm . However , it didn 't sound as though I would have a for sure ride home while Erik was at work . So , I have already skipped a class . Erik took me to my 10am class and he and Sammy walked in the park across the street from campus . Then we went home hoping to hear from my professor about my class and my car . Erik had to work at 2 so either I was taking him and going to class then picking him up , or we were gonna be able to get my car back . 1 : 30 and my car was ready ! Talk about a stroke of good luck . . . finally ! When I got back home , I got in my class ! I am a full time student ! Yay ! Time to go back to campus and go to that class now . Poor Sammy . He saw me grab my keys again . He hates my backpack . He knows that it means I 'm leaving . I am beginning to toy with the idea of leaving it in my car . He just gets so sad when I get it . Even if I get it to get a book or notebook out , he starts to worry ! I gave him peanut butter , and he wouldn 't take it . Oh well , things were gonna get better after this class . Or go to the new routine . Thursday has now come and gone . I had class at 10am , so we didn 't get much playing done before I had to leave . It 's the first week , so I need to leave an hour before class to get parked and get the shuttle to campus . I had to allow extra time to get my notes printed out for this class . Tuesdays / Thursdays I have GeoChem , and it 's my only class . It is what I have been waiting for ! Right now we are discussing origins of the universe and solar system , chemically that is . Then relative to the abundances we have here on Earth . Today we got to work through some nucleosynthesis equations prudent to the big bang , and even one important to our own sun . Anyway , this is the class of all classes I need an A for ! I had to get there early to get some stuff printed out , so I could be a super student ! It is my only class on Tuesdays / Thursdays so that 's an added bonus . That is was brings me to this conclusion , and this blog . I don 't really believe in New Year 's Resolutions . I find that making a resolution with one 's self is great , and can bring about better people . But why is it that it only seems to be remembered around new years . I 'm sure it is a great way to check on yourself monthly , bi - monthly , quarterly , and hopefully yearly . A was to re - begin . There is too much pressure to be this new and improved person for the year . Alot of times people seem to put too much , too fast upon themselves as well . I rather like the idea that we can wake up wanting to be a better person than the day before . Nicer , kinder , more empathetic , more forward thinking , better financially , more loving , healthier . . . . etc . Then sometime down the line , you can see real improvement in yourself . It could be a month or five years , but it happened without too much pressure , probably easier to keep because it was a process that was behind the scenes . I am going to go against this theory and idea . I am going to have my January 14th resoultion . I need to be better to Sammy . I need to wake earlier and play with him . He needs that time , so he doesn 't think get up and my parents leave . He need some attention before I leave . This schedule isn 't going to be fun with that , late classes on MWF and early classes TWR , but I can do it ! Sammy will be better off and when it gets warmer we can take walks before class and we will both be better . Here in Omaha we are freezing ! We are , yet again , in a winter storm warning and wind chill warning . Tomorrow , the high is to be - 3 with a low in the - 20 's . It is beyond freezing here . My car doesn 't like to be on , and I can 't blame it . The police is warning people to not get on roads , especially interstates because all the black ice and that it 's too cold for the salt to react with the ice . Sammy , however , can 't get enough . Sammy loves it outside ! I can 't believe it . He sits by the door and wants to go out all day long ! Once he is out there , he just wants to play and bounce around and stick his head in the snow . I feel as though the winds are pulling the skin off my face . It doesn 't help that our apartment is on the North side of the building so not only do we get no sun over here , but we get the awesome North wind everytime we open the door ! My current theory is the snow is so high that Sammy is shielded by it and can 't feel the blistery wind ! I just don 't get it . After Sammy does his business he jumps and bounces and then I will say , " Good boy Sammy ! Lets go in and get a treat ! " and I see his huge smile drop and ears fall down . He is so disappointed everytime . Then he comes in and sits at the window and assumes the position . I feel bad , I can 't keep up with Mr . Invincible . Even with long underwear , jeans , sweatshirts , coats , hats , gloves and scarves , I just can 't handle the cold ! Just thought I would share my utter amazement with Sammy 's ability to weather the weather ! ( haha ) I should say enjoy all weathers . I don 't know if it 's a corgi thing , or a Sammy thing , but I am impressed ! Stay warm everyone ! I am a geology major at University of Nebraska , Omaha . I would like to pursue something in the mineralogy field , just don 't know more than that , yet . I watch and rewatch Gilmore Girls all the time , and often refer to it . I love , love , love the holidays , sun and snow , but have strong distaste for rain . I enjoy action movies , but girly books . I love taking photos , decorating and Nebraska football . My friends are amazing , but almost my whole world is at home with Erik and Sammy . When I talk about Sammy , many believe he is my child , not my puppy which is a true reflection of how much I love him . I always said I was a doggie - mommy without a dog . Now I have my PUPPY !
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Hi everyone ! This is a call to arms ! Nikki at Dysfunctional Dose posted a story about a young man named Paul . 23 - year - old Paul does not , and never has , drink or smoke . He loves , and is loved by , his family , which includes his mother , a sister , and two little nephews , among others . He enjoys creative writing , and has written a preteen novel called Isaac The Runner . Paul has a serious heart condition , and if he does not get a heart transplant , his life will be in danger . However , Paul was recently denied a placement on the heart transplant list . Why ? Because Paul has autism . Most people who have children with special needs will not hesitate to say that they are their child 's biggest advocate . This is true for Paul 's mother . She is ready to do anything she needs to do to get her boy onto that heart transplant list ! One thing she 's done is create a petition on Change . org . She plans to send it to the heart transplant committee that denied her son , as well as her state officials , the senate , the House of Representatives , and even the US President . If you would take a minute to sign the petition , it would mean a ton to Paul and his family ! Also , you might want to check out Paul 's book ! I know this blog is read by some teachers , and you might consider incorporating this book into a creative writing unit ! Reading it and learning that it was written by someone with autism may raise their confidence and inspire them to try their own hand at writing ! Today was the last day of ESY ! It was not a regular day though . They set up a little carnival for the kids with music , games , chalk paint , tattoos , and one of those jumpy house thingies . The kids ' parents were also allowed to come and spend the morning with their children if they wanted to . Billy 's mother had told me that she was coming . Meanwhile , Billy was having a rough morning . First of all , he wasn 't feeling well . . . he was sneezing a lot , his eyes were all swollen , and he kept putting his hand on his forehead like he had a headache . Second of all , he could tell it was a weird day and the routine was totally off . He kept wanting to leave the room , and he kept asking me for " squeezies . " ( Sometimes when Billy was really hyper and having a hard time , I would kind of hold him in front of me and sway him back and forth , singing " Squeezies ! Squeezies ! " It seems to provide some sensory relief for him . ) He has come to realize that squeezies make him feel better , and will request them when he 's upset once in a while . . . but this morning he practically wanted nonstop squeezies ! He kept telling me , " One more time ? One more time ? " When it was time to go out for the games and stuff , we tried to bring Billy , but he would have none of that . He screamed outside and tried to run into the parking lot to get away from us , crying , " No outside ! " By that point I figured it would be safer to take him back to the class , at least until his mom got there . There was no sense in forcing someone to attend a carnival ! So we went back to the classroom , where Billy happily scribbled on the whiteboard and rearranged the calendar numbers into a nonsensical order . Billy 's mom didn 't come and didn 't come and didn 't come . Then a guy walked into the classroom . I didn 't know him , but he had a school employee badge . He asked , " Are you guys going out , or coming in , or what ? " Billy slapped him five and babbled something about wanting to put coffee in the microwave . Mr . Jones asked , " Check schedule , Billy ! Time to go outside ! " " No outside ! " Billy yelled . " Time to go outside ! Come on ! " said Mr . Jones . " No outside ! " Billy yelled . This went on for a while , with me interrupting to try again to explain that Billy couldn 't deal with " outside " right now and that it was probably safer to let him stay in the classroom , at least until his mom came and could help keep him from running off . Finally the guy asked me , " Who is your teacher ? " I assumed he meant the teacher I was working with , and I told him . The guy walked out of the room , muttering to himself . Eventually Billy 's mom did show up , with her four younger children in tow . ( I never knew Billy had siblings , although a few times when I asked him he told me he had a brother named Danny , and he sometimes used to say , " D for Danny ! " while playing on Starfall . com . ) Billy 's mom was very friendly , and thanked me profusely for looking after Billy all summer . She even asked me if I would consider applying for a job as an aide at Billy 's school ! ( I told her I was hoping to get a teaching job , but you never know . ) She said she had guessed that Billy wouldn 't enjoy the carnival , and asked if she could take him home early . So I hugged Billy goodbye . After he left , the classroom felt so lonely ! I couldn 't bear to look at the scribbles Billy had drawn on the whiteboard just moments earlier ! After the rest of the class , and several of the other children 's parents , came back into the room , I told the teacher what had happened with Mr . Jones . I asked her if she knew who he was . She told me he was the superintendent of the school district ! Uh . . . I am not sure what to say about that . For weeks , I have thought that when the ESY program ended I would feel nothing but relief and happiness . I imagined myself running from the school , yelling , " Good riddance ! " But as I watched the kids leave , one by one , I actually felt sad . It was a rough summer . I know I talked before about feeling that the program wasn 't really helpful for Billy , and that I thought the aides were giving me dirty looks because I couldn 't get Billy to do all the things the other students were doing . But the teachers , the other aides , and I really bonded by the end . It may have been a trauma bond , but it was a bond . The teacher told me that Billy 's mother had spoken to her , saying that she thought I had helped Billy so much during ESY . His mother apparently told the teacher that she had expected weekly or even daily phone calls about Billy 's behavior , and maybe demands that she pick him up early . But she said Billy came home very happy each day after school . ( Which is surprising to me , seeing as how he asked to go home all day long ! ) The teacher also told me that one of the school social workers , who had helped out a little bit in our classroom , had mentioned to her that he thought I did a great job with Billy . The teacher added that this social worker rarely complimented others , so if he said I did a great job , he must have really been impressed ! In fact , I think the only person who would disagree with this is the really judgemental gym teacher . Throughout ESY , she continued to snatch Billy away from me on PE days and discipline him , while not even looking at me . Last week , at the end of gym , instead of handing him off to me as the others lined up , she actually took him and walked him to the classroom herself , five minutes ahead of the end of class . She didn 't even say anything to me about it , just walked right past me with Billy in tow . Then , when the rest of us got to class , she actually stayed for ten more minutes just to continue disciplining him . I felt so awkward , even though the other aides whispered to me , " Just enjoy the break ! " It is reading time at the ESY program . Most of the students are sitting on the carpet in the front of the room , working on an activity where you dig through a box of rice to find a card with a sight word on it . Most of the students are engaged and interested . But not Billy . And not Gia . I haven 't talked much about the other kids in the ESY class , so far . The truth is , I barely interact with the rest of them , because I usually have my hands full , literally , with Billy ! But there 's this one little kid named Gia , a cute - as - a - button 3rd grade kleptomaniac , who can usually be found running up and down the halls of the school with a piece of folded up construction paper in her hand , declaring that she 's with the FBI . Today Billy is having a hard time . He 'll do a little work with me , especially if it involves cut - and - paste so he can eat some of the paste while he thinks I 'm not looking . But he wants nothing to do with sitting in a group , and he 's refused to go to every group activity so far today , rendering him unable to earn computer time or cell phone time . Billy wants to go home . So , taking matters into his own hands , he gets up and runs towards the door . I catch Billy just as he gets the door open . It is a battle of wills , with him refusing to shut the door , and me refusing to let him run out . He is strong , and he 's able to hold the door open . And that 's when Gia darts out . One of the aides runs after her . Gia turns right and runs down the hallway . The aide follows her . Billy says , " Walk please , " and points towards the left . I try to let him take a walk when he actually uses the word , and he always walks right back into the room after a walk , so this is probably the best way to get him back into the class . I take Billy 's hand and we go down the hallway . The hallway is a big square . We hang a right , and then another right . And , low and behold , there is Gia , jogging towards us with her FBI badge outstretched in front of her . The aide follows , telling Gia , " We need to go back to class . " The hallway is narrow , so I stick out my free arm to block Gia from running past us . I expect her to try to bust through my arm , Red Rover style . But instead , she takes my free hand in her tiny one , and says something undecipherable about the FBI . ( Gia also has a speech impairment , so it can be hard to understand what she 's saying . ) She walks with me and Billy back to the classroom , with the aide at our heels . I tell Gia and Billy , " We need to stay in our classroom . We need to stay safe . " I doubt Gia cares , and I doubt Billy is listening , but maybe it will seep into their subconsciousnesses . As we enter the classroom , and Gia proceeds to climb onto the top of a file cabinet , the aide tells me , " I met my husband on Match . com ! " " Oh , that 's cool ! " I reply , peeling Gia off the file cabinet . " I know a few people who met that way . " I wait for her to add more to the story , perhaps something that relates Match . com to Billy and Gia , but she just smiles . " Maybe you should give that a try , " says the aide . " You never know who you might find on there ! Because you 'd make such a great mother ! " Then she walks away , leaving me feeling sort of bewildered . ( Also , just so you know , Billy shortly thereafter pulled his diaper out through the leg of his shorts , and then peed in his pants , soaking his pants , his shirt , and the big office chair that spins around , which he was spinning around in at the time . I basically had to strip him down and give him a sponge bath with baby wipes , and then stuff him into a way - too - small T - shirt and shorts set that I borrowed from the nurse 's office . TWO MORE DAYS ! ) Hi everyone ! Today our ESY program had a field trip to a small park district zoo in our area . It is a very nice little zoo with a mixture of local wild animals that can no longer live independently , such as foxes , deer , skunks , and coyotes , some farm animals like horses , cows and sheep , and a few more exotic animals like llamas . There is also a bunch of duck ponds with all different breeds of ducks , some that are owned by the zoo and some that just show up on their own . ( The duck pond has always been one of my favorite parts , because I love ducks . During the spring and summer , if you get there in the morning , you can buy special duck food and help feed the ducks ! ) We 've been telling the kids all week about our field trip , and they were all excited . Even Billy seemed excited . On the bus ride there , he was such a happy little guy , singing and talking to himself , saying things like , " Where we going ? Look , pretty trees ! Red light ! Stop ! Green light . . . go ! Turn ! Where we going ? " We left Kitty at school , but he brought another one of his favorite transitional items , a squeezy duck , and he was happy to talk to it and play with it , putting it on his head and saying , " Where is ducky ? On Billy 's head ! " He did cheer up when he saw the duck pond ! Unfortunately , he thought it was a swimming pool . He kept saying , " Swimming pool ! Smell it ! Swimming pool ! " Then he started trying to climb the small fence that separated the path from the duck pond . He said , " Billy swimming pool ! " But it was too late . The duck sailed over the fence , and landed in the middle of the duck pond , right next to a very startled real duck ! Billy laughed like crazy at the sight of his little duck floating in the pond . Meanwhile , I wasn 't about to lose Ducky ! I jumped over the fence and was just about to wade into the pond . The other staff members , all of the kids , and some random zoo visitors , were all staring at me , while Billy laughed like a mad scientist . Luckily , a zoo employee came and fished the toy duck out of the pond with a net , so I didn 't end up having to dive into the slimy pond . Billy wanted his duck back right away , but it looked so gross , I told him ducky was going to have to go home and take a bath first ! It was definitely one of the funnier moments of the summer . And only four more days left ! Okay . So you know things have been rough with Billy , the little guy I am working as an aide with in the ESY program . He has good moments and bad moments . A bad moment may be him screaming and running out of the classroom , and me having to catch him and wrangle him back into the room . A good day may mean that he sits down for fifteen minutes during Calendar and is able to tell the teacher what month it is . But pretty much every moment is crazy and stressful for all of us ! Not to mention that some of the other kids also have behavioral issues . . . although their issues are more from stubbornness than anything else . Like climbing onto the table and yelling , " Nana nana boo boo ! " like one little , cute - as - a - button girl does regularly . Last Wednesday we had PE for the first time . Billy hated it , ran out of the gym , and refused to go in . I ended up taking him back to the classroom , but not allowing him to do any of his preferred activities , because I didn 't want him to think he 'd get to use the computer just by refusing to do work ! This time we had PE . I was doubtful it would go well , since Billy was already having a rough time . This time there were two gym teachers , one of whom seemed to know Billy from his regular school . As I was struggling to get Billy to do one section of the obstacle course that was set up , and thinking it would be successful if he stayed for ten minutes , the aide walked up and totally took over . She just grabbed Billy and started telling him , " Work , Brandon ! " She was a lot bigger than me so she was able to wrangle him more easily . She kept showing him some sort of visual schedule , and he was actually doing the things she demanded that he do . My feelings were kind of hurt . I kind of felt like the gym teacher must have though I was incompetent because I couldn 't get Billy to go around the obstacle course . She didn 't even look at me or talk to me at all , but just marched over and snatched Billy from me . She even took his stuffed kitty ( which I let him carry with him as a sort of transitional object / stimmy thingie ) and said , " No toys in gym ! " I just stood there , feeling awkward and holding the bedraggled kitty , while she and Billy went around the gym . Finally gym was over . The gym teacher came over and showed me the visual schedule she was using . It was basically a strip of laminated paper , with velcro down the middle , and the number 5 , 4 , 3 , 2 , and 1 stuck to it . The gym teacher said , " Why don 't you just keep this ? " She explained that , when you ask Billy to do a task , he has to do it , in order to take one of the numbers off the list . She told me that this was what the teachers used with Billy during the school year . " He is cuckoo for numbers ! He 'll do anything for them ! " she said . Dude . There are six days left of ESY . Six . For nearly a month I have been struggling to get Billy to do the simplest things . I made visual schedules , work - work - work - break charts , and visual prompts , let him work for computer time and cell phone time , took him for walks when he was acting too squirrely , etc . All of it worked a tiny bit , but not much . If someone could have just told me about the system the teachers had already been using with Billy for the past three years , the system that he was used to and responded to , think about how much easier this whole thing would have been ! Billy would have felt more comfortable from the start if he 'd seen the system he already understood . But all I was told about him was his age , diagnosis , and IEP goals . Oh well . Six more days . In other news , I have discovered that Billy loves glue , and will usually do any work involving it . So I make worksheets and projects based on his IEP goals , that require him to glue things onto other things . I even turn the teacher 's regular worksheets into cut - and - paste activities to adapt them for Billy ! He does tend to eat quite a bit of the glue in the process . ( Don 't worry , it 's nontoxic ! ) Yesterday the teacher let the kids play with shaving cream during free time . She just squirted a little bit of shaving cream on each of their desks . It 's fun , novel , doesn 't stain , and is super - easy to clean up ! It even leaves the desks cleaner than they were in the beginning ! Billy was watching some of the other kids play with tI took him to his desk , and the teacher sprayed some shaving cream on the desk . Billy stuck his hands into it . He giggled and said , " Shaving cream ! " Then he took a big handful and stuck it in his mouth ! The teacher assured me that the shaving cream was nontoxic too , but it still grossed me out . I know some people will tell me , " Maybe he thought it was whipped cream ! " But he still kept trying to eat it , even after that full mouthful , so I think he must have realized it wasn 't whipped cream and just liked it anyways . Ugh . Six more days . Posted by Hi everyone ! I am so glad this week is over ! I literally came home and collapsed on the couch , and slept for two hours before I even ate lunch ! The week went a little better for Billy . Billy is always crying that he wants to go home and see a favorite stuffed animal , a stuffed cat he calls " Baby Kitty . " All day he says , " Go home , see Baby Kitty ? " Last Friday , while I was at Wal - Mart , I came upon a small stuffed cat . It was meant for infants , and was very soft , with a rattle inside . I didn 't find it in the baby aisle , though . It was in the office supply section , presenting itself to me like some sort of miracle ! I bought it , and brought it to school for Billy on Monday . He loved it right away . He got a big smile on his face and said , " Kitty ! " and has been carrying it with him , ever since , like a transitional object . Holding Kitty , he has been able to spend more time sitting in group activities and working on school work . In fact , Monday and Tuesday were awesome ! On those days , Billy attended and participated in all of the group activities , worked with me on reading and math , and played happily on the playground . ( The week before , you might remember , he spent playground time screaming , trying to run for the parking lot , and throwing his cellphone on the ground . ) ( Not his cellphone . . . the one that I gave him to play with during breaks ! ) He loved playing on the slide and sending Kitty down the slide ! Wednesday and Thursday were not as great . On Wednesday , we had PE , and it turned out that Billy hated it . He cried the whole time and tried to run out of the room . I eventually just took him out and walked around the school with him for the rest of PE time . ( Walking is physical activity , right ? And probably better for him than sitting on the gymnasium floor and hollering ? ) On Thursday , he didn 't want to do any school work or sit in any groups , and I had to stop him from running out of the classroom about ten times . And then today . . . Friday the 13th . . . Billy was in even rarer form ! He could not sit in group . When I held him on my lap , he squirmed , laughed loudly , yelled random words , slapped me , and kept knocking the schedule off of the white board . ( It is balanced precariously on the sill of the whiteboard , and falls down about eighty times per day , sometimes onto the head of a student ! ) I got him to do some math with me , by having him paste numbers onto a sheet of paper in the correct order . . . but he mostly did it because he was also eating the paste whenever he thought I wasn 't watching ! The school 's playground actually consists of three separate play areas , each about ten yards away from each other . Our class usually is only allowed to play on the nearest playground , but I sometimes take Billy to the furthest playground because there is a swing , which calms him . During playground time today , Billy took off running towards the furthest playground . I followed , but did not chase him , because if you chase Billy he thinks it is a game and will just run even faster to get away . However , when Billy passed up the furthest playground , I did start to run ! He was headed out towards an open field that is just beyond the school yard . I am a fast runner and easily caught up with him . But the hard part was getting him back up to the regular playground ! Remember , Billy is big for his age , and I am kind of a weakling . I did my best to restrain Billy while also walking with him back towards the school . Of course he did what eveThat was pretty much our day . . . and I 'm chalking it up to the fact that this was a long week ! It was our first full week , because last week we had Wednesday off for the Fourth Of July , and the week before that was a half week . Billy wasn 't used to being in summer school for more than two days at a stretch , and maybe his patience and good behavior wore out way back on Tuesday . I 'm hoping Monday will be better ! I don 't really have any contact with Billy 's planning team because they are all on summer vacation and unreachable . This summer school program is a little weird because they just take the special ed kids from multiple districts and put them in a random school , with random staff members , and all we get is a copy of their IEP and maybe a note from their regular teacher . Billy is only 8 and he doesn 't seem to want to injure me . . . I think he just gets frustrated and wants to SQUEEZE something , and I am the closest person handy . He does not touch other staff members or students in any way . . . in fact he barely notices they 're there . I still don 't have a weighted vest or many other materials for Billy . I brought him the celphone and stuffed duck on my own , but I don 't think I can afford a weighted vest ! The aides have gotten a little better . . . or maybe I 've just gotten better at ignoring them . They still send me dirty looks when Billy is taking more breaks than other kids , when he is being noisy , when he 's doing separate work from the others , etc . But I don 't really care . I treat them with respect and I am always friendly , and that is about all I can do ! That 's all for now , everyone ! Thanks for listening ! Posted by Guess what , everyone ? I got my second blogging award ! Traci Bender , from a new blog called The Bender Bunch ( she 's a special education teacher ! ! ! ) gave me the Lovely Blog Award ! 1 . Mrs . P from THAT ' S SO SECOND GRADE ! Mrs . P student taught during the same semester that I did . She just accepted a position in a second grade classroom , and is busy getting ready for this fall ! ( I 'm totally jealous ! ) 2 . Mrs . H from THE TEACHING BLOG . Mrs . H is just getting ready to move to a new town , where she will begin her own student teaching this fall . Having been a student teacher myself this past spring , I am excited to meet another student teacher ! 3 . Nancy from JOY OF LIFE . Nancy is an intervention specialist who works with kindergartners , and has a special place in her heart for the children with the most behavioral issues . After reading some of my recent posts about Billy , Nancy commented and later emailed me with sympathy and advice . Always appreciated ! : D 4 . Sara from RAMBLINGS FROM A DEAF ED TEACHER ' S MIND . Like the title implies , Sara works with children who are deaf . She is also deaf herself , which I think puts her in a great position to be a role model for the children in her classes ! 5 . Another Sara , from MISS V ' S BUSY BEES . She 's a young lady who just got her degree in early childhood education . She has a lot of enthusiasm for her family and life in general ! 6 . Sharon , from TEACHING WITH SIGHT , is a kindergarten teacher who really loves to use multisensory activities with her little students . Maybe part of this is because Sharon is blind herself , so she knows how important all of the other senses are to learning ! 7 . Christi at MS . FULTZ ' S CORNER is a third grade teacher who is also licensed as a reading specialist . Reading and writing are her favorite subjects to teach ! 8 . Tara from FOURTH GRADE FROLICS is , obviously , a fourth grade teacher . I started following her blog back when I was doing field work , after I discovered her post on letter puddles . I love making those , and the letter puddles became part of a very popular reading game during my student teaching ! Tara often posts very creative and fun ideas . 9 . Here 's a blog I stumbled upon recently , and it kinda blew me away . I don 't know if most people have heard of PANDAS , or Pediatric Autoimmune Illness Associated With Streptococci . I hadn 't ! I am still not sure exactly what it is , but I have learned from Aimee at THE PANDAS EFFECT that it is a type of autoimmune illness that can cause a child to have behaviors similar to children with OCD , ADHD , Tourettes , etc . Aimee writes all about every day life with her three children , two of whom have PANDAS . I think everyone who works with kids should rI wanted to add a few Teach For America blogs . I 've considered joining Teach For America , but I don 't really want to move far away from my family at this point . I do admire these young kids for joining up with Teach For America ! They may not be able to participate in the blog award because of their weird blogging platform . . . but we 'll see ! Many of these guys are just beginning their first weeks of school , which are generally summer school programs . 10 . Ms . M from TEACH - LAUGH - LOVE teaches high school math . ( I could never do that . . . definitely my worst subject ! She 's just begun , and has blogged about what it feels like to be calling parents to introduce herself as a teacher , when she doesn 't quite feel like a full - fledged adult yet herself ! 11 . Mary Catherine , from B IS FOR ' BAMA , teaches primary school aged children in Alabama . She has blogged about the frustrations of having been trained and educated on what is best for children , and then watching those things not necessarily happening in the school she 's posted at . For instance , children must spend most of the day in silence , including a silent lunch that lasts for only ten minutes . Torturous ! Besides following teacher blogs , I like to follow some blogs of parents who have children with special needs . I think it can be great to read about life from the point of view of parents . You realize that just about all parents ( but sadly , not all . . . although the parents who aren 't probably don 't have blogs ) love their children with all their heart , and are truly dedicated to giving their children the best life possible . In the classroom we may see some children as being really challenging and needing a lot of help . . . but at home , the parents see those children as their precious , beloved babies . ( Even if you don 't teach special education , you will probably encounter children with special needs at some point in your career ! ) 12 . Here 's a blog I stumbled upon recently , and it kinda blew me away . I don 't know if most people have heard of PANDAS , or Pediatric Autoimmune Illness Associated With Streptococci . I hadn 't ! I am still not sure exactly what it is , but I have learned from Aimee at THE PANDAS EFFECT that it is a type of autoimmune illness that can cause a child to have behaviors similar to children with OCD , ADHD , Tourettes , etc . Aimee writes all about every day life with her three children , two of whom have PANDAS . I think everyone who works with kids should read this , so we know what to watch for . 13 . Laura , from BELLA SPERANZA , is the mother of several children , including a teenage daughter who has ADHD and apraxia . 14 . Marsupial Mama from AUTISM ROCKS has a lively family consisting of herself and her husband , their two small children , and lots of pets ! ( That 's my favorite kind of family ! ) Her older child has autism . 15 . Lynsey from LYNSEY THE MOTHER DUCK is a British mother with two children , one of whom has cerebral palsy . She blogs about life in general , but has a special page for the blog entries that involve cerebral palsy . 16 . Nikki , over at DYSFUNCTIONAL DOSE , blogs about life with her three children between the ages of 10 and 16 , two of whom have different special needs . She has a great sense of humor , and definitely speaks her mind ! I love reading about her views on parenting , and the funny things her kids say ! Wait , how did I get 16 ? I spent about 3 days working on this post , and I guess I lost count . The 16th one is a good one , so I can 't delete it from my list ! That gives you all one more blog to read . And now I 'm done ! Congratulations , everyone ! Posted by The more comfortable Billy gets at school , the more " good " moments he has . For instance , today he participated at Calendar by putting his name up on the attendance chart , and saying the date with the others . He " wrote " in his journal by pointing to pictures for me to cut out , and then pasting them on a page , he sat with the others for most of speech therapy and answered the questions the therapist asked him , and he sat with us before reading and read some site words that the teacher showed him . ( He still wore his backpack all day , and kept on snatching the " HOME " symbol from the schedule , though . ) However , the more comfortable he gets , the more painful his " bad " moments get . By painful , I mean painful for me . Billy likes to pinch when he 's angry . Apparently he saves this for those he knows and loves . Before , all he would do is slap me , which didn 't hurt , and he would stop when I told him , " Quiet hands , please . " I miss those days ! This is what happened yesterday when I tried to stop Billy from knocking everything off the top of a file cabinet because he didn 't want to do math . And this is what happened today when I told him it wasn 't time for a computer break yet ! That boy pinches hard ! Its actually like an Indian burn , where he grabs your arm and twists your skin . He 's strong , too , for an 8 - year - old . He 's about chest - height to me , and he 's husky . When my dad saw , he looked alarmed and said , " You should quit that job . " When my mom saw , she said , " Did you tell the principal about this ? " They can 't imagine working somewhere where people pinch you ! I tried to explain to them that this is actually pretty common . I haven 't worked with children who pinch this hard since back in the days when I worked with preschoolers with Reactive Attachment Disorder . . . they would also spit in your face and throw chairs at your head . . . but I 've known plenty of other people who work with kids whose arms are always bruised up . 1 : 1 aides seem to get it the worst ! Anyway , I 'm kinda proud of my bruises . They 're like battle scars . Funny story about the phone though . Billy hates going to the playground . He wants nothing to do with it and thinks it 's the stupidest idea in the world . Unfortunately , the whole rest of the class feels the opposite way , so we have to endure a playground break each day when it 's not too hot . The last two times , Billy spent playground time yelling , " Playground finished ! Goodbye , playground ! " while I held him back to keep him from running off towards the parking lot . ( And no , I can 't just let him skip playground and let him spend the time in the classroom , which would make sense , because apparently aides can never be left alone with children . ) I think the best thing to do when Billy gets upset is just to get super , super calm yourself , and talk in a very quiet , even voice . So there I am , hanging onto Billy , while he is hollering and scratching , slapping and pinching my legs , and I 'm gently cooing , " Quiet hands , please . " ( He can reach my legs in order to slap me , even when I 'm holding him , because he 's tall for an eight - year - old , and I 'm pretty short . ) There were these other teachers and aides out there with some highschoolers , sitting on the benches and taking a break . They were all watching the entertaining scene happening in front of them . Finally , Billy seemed to calm down . I was kind of rocking him , and he was muttering something like " Seatbelt , seatbelt , seatbelt . . . " Then he asked sweetly , " Phone , please ? " Thank goodness ! Now Billy would relax and play with his phone , and I could take a breath ! I took the cellphone out of my pocket and handed it to Billy . He looked at it for a minute . Then he chucked it at the people sitting on the bench . Luckily , it sailed over their heads , and landed just past the bench , appearing to break into pieces . ( It was really just the front , back , and battery that separated . ) I told Billy , " If you do that , it will break ! Then you won 't have it at school any more ! " One of the teachers on the benches picked up the phone and handed it to me . My next idea was to turn it into a learning experience and let Billy try to put it back together . He actually sat down in the grass and worked on it quietly . He managed to put the battery in , but it was backwards , and he couldn 't figure out how to put the cover on . I showed him how . Then he chucked it again ! This time he threw it out in an open , grassy area , and I made him come with me to get it . It hadn 't broken this time . So Billy threw it again . I didn 't mind . We were in the grass now , not around other people , and this was actually a step up from where we 'd been ten minutes earlier ! Fifteen hours minutes later , our classroom teacher called the kids to line up . I towed Billy back into the school . As we walked past the high school teachers and aides , I heard one of them say , " I can 't believe she let him do that to her phone ! " The rest of the day went fairly well . I literally cannot take my eyes off of Billy for a second , because he 'll either be eating something , climbing something , or dashing for the door . So the three hour program seems like forever ! He did sit in the group for calendar and reading , did three reading worksheet with me , decorate a fun foam visor , and watch and listen during music therapy . ( My new favorite person on earth is the super laid back music therapist , who , when I was trying to haul Billy over to where the rest of the group was sitting , told me , " Pick and choose your battles . Let him sit back there if he wants . " She then let him help her open and shut the CD player whenever she switched songs , and at the end told him , " Thanks for being my DJ , Billy ! " I < 3 you , music therapist ! ) So I think its going better , but I 'd be interested in any advice anyone might have to give me ! Keep in mind that we don 't have a sensory room or motor room at our school , we don 't have a Time Out room , and the teacher and aides think its very important for Billy to be doing what the rest of the group is doing at all times . By the way , as for me and Billy . . . I already love the kid , of course ! Even when he 's trying to kill me . Its hard to resist him during his calm moments when he sits in my lap and plays with the tags on my lanyard , points to the picture on my ID and mutters , " That 's Angel ! " He 's a good boy . He just doesn 't want to be there . And I can 't really say I blame him ! Posted by I don 't know if anyone is actually reading these blog entries , but if you did read my last two posts about Billy , I must have sounded like a horrible person torturing a poor child with autism ! ( If you didn 't read those posts , Billy is the little boy I 'm working as a 1 : 1 aide with for an ESY program , and he had a very tough time adjusting during the first week . . . he basically just hollered all day long ! The other aides were irritated because they thought I should be somehow forcing Billy to sit quietly through all of the activities , even if he wasn 't able to participate at all . ) Some of Billy 's behaviors remind me a lot of the first little boy I was a 1 : 1 for , Tommy . He also had autism , although he was much more verbal than Billy , and also extremely smart . ( Billy has an intellectual impairment as well as autism . ) Like Billy , Tommy had trouble sitting through long group activities , and would start acting out . One of the things the teachers had already done for Tommy , before I started working there , was to make him a little chart with four boxes on them . Each of the first three boxes was equal to five minutes of work or group time . Whenever Tommy sat and did what he was supposed to do for five minutes , he got a star in one of the boxes . After fifteen minutes , he 'd get to take a break . ( The fourth box had a Pecs symbol for break in it . ) Tommy was usually able to sit for fifteen minutes , when he could see that he was getting closer to a break . After a while I started waiting longer and longer to give Tommy each star . Pretty soon he was able to sit through almost an entire group activity before taking a break ! I put it into action today , starting when Billy first got to school . I showed him the card and , pointing to each box , explained , " Work , work , work , phone . " Then I sort of ushered him over to the calendar area . Billy almost never sits on the floor like the other kids . Even when you give him a chair , he squats on it like a frog instead of sitting on it ! He squatted on the chair for fifteen minutes , though , and participated in Calendar time as best as he could . He was able to tell the teacher that it was Monday and that the month was July , and he helped name some of the pictures on the schedule . Then he happily went to the other side of the room for his phone time ! The only difficult part was parting with the phone at the end of the break . I would tell him he had one minute left , and after a while tell him he had ten seconds , and count down from ten . I would give him a chance to put the phone away . But usually I ended up wrestling the phone out of his hand and putting it up where he couldn 't reach ! However , once it was away , he did come and do the work he needed to do . In math , he did a whole packet of counting worksheets . ( He can 't really count , but he said the numbers as I touched the items , and he pointed to the number I asked him to . ) During social skills , he was starting to get irritable , and had gone and put on his backpack in hopes of getting to go home ! But he sat on my lap and answered some simple questions like his name and age . In reading , he sat on my lap with the group and helped name some pictures and some alphabet letters . And in OT , he colored a picture of the world green and blue and glued it onto another sheet of paper . ( The OT , by the way , did not seem like the kind of person who should work with children ! She spoke in a monotone , acted as if she were about to fall asleep at any minute , and never once cracked a smile . ) Billy was so happy when the day was over ! I told him he did great work and that he should tell his Mommy what a good job he did . I feel good . Last week , at the end of each day , I left feeling discouraged and sad , and sort of trapped because I didn 't really want to go back but I knew I had to . But today , I left feeling happy , the way I used to feel after a day of student teaching . Like I had really accomplished something . And now I can 't wait for tomorrow ! By the way , I also had to make this picture for Billy . LOL !
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What is all this ? This blog was created as a safe space for me to organize and share my short stories and other creative writing efforts . Thank you for stopping by ! Shout out to my dear friend Madeline Smith for her mad proof reading and editing skills . Author : mystrangefiction Lost in Space - Short story competition * * Update * * 06 / 19 / 2017 I won ! This is the winning submission for the Lost in Space short story contest . I am thrilled and completely humbled to have won my very first competition . " I 'm sorry , Detective Mackay , but there is no student with that name and birth date at this school . " " You 're sure ? " I knew I was pushing it , but I just didn 't understand how this could be possible . The large red - headed guidance counselor - whose faded name tag identified her as Ms . Simons , ' Director of Guidance ' - breathed a loud sigh and pushed her glasses up her sweaty nose . She turned back to her computer and banged a few keys on the keyboard . I didn 't miss the longing look she gave the smut novel sitting on the other side of her desk . " How many ways can you spell Peter Miller ? " I asked . My aggravated tone was immediately greeted with a threatening look from Ms . Simons . I wanted to get right in her face and tell her that a young man , who at one point had definitely attended her school , was missing and I needed to find him immediately . I could tell , however , that she was done with me . My snark was delaying her precious alone time with Mr . Exposed Nipples on the cover of her book , the spine of which looked very well worn from many lonely afternoons . " Thank you for your time , Ms . Simons , " I said with as much appreciation as I could muster . I pushed myself out of the stiff office chair and made my way to the hallway . As I turned to shut her office door , I watched as the eager guidance counselor picked up her novel and reached into her desk drawer for a bag of spicy Cheetos . Work to do , indeed . I pulled my tablet out of my bag to consult the case file as I walked through the school 's courtyard . Class wouldn 't be out for a few more minutes , so I decided to sit on top of a red picnic table and pull up the victim 's information . Peter Miller . He was currently a high school senior at Ridgemont High - or he was supposed to be , anyway . A quick glance at the sign in front of the building told me that I was in the right place . Peter was last seen at a local coffee shop after school on September 25th , 2028 . I quickly opened the calendar application on the tablet to make sure it was in fact the 25th of September . Going back just a few days didn 't usually mess with my devices , but I checked anyway just to be on the safe side . I didn 't understand how there was no record of Peter being a student here . Peter 's parents had given me full access to all of his information , including Peter 's last school yearbook . I had never had something like this happen on a case . Detectives of my kind were still fairly new since the discovery of time travel was only about a decade ago . Most cases were open and shut . Someone would go missing , get kidnapped , or even be murdered , and if their family had enough money , my firm would be contacted . We conducted investigations in the P . D . , or present day , to find out when and where they were last seen and whom they were with . We would then travel back to the time of their last appearance , find them , and get them to a safe house until we were able to catch the perpetrator . The bell rang , bringing me out of my thoughts . I looked up as students began to flood the courtyard . " Excuse me , what 's today 's date ? " I asked a student who was walking by . " Yes , but what is the year ? " I asked as I looked back at my tablet . The boy gave me a puzzled look . " Dude , it 's 2028 , " he said with an eye roll as he walked past me while mumbling something about pot heads . I flipped through the file , and found Peter 's parking lot number . I hopped off of the picnic table with a new determination . I knew that if Peter was not a student on record he wouldn 't be parked in his spot , but I wanted to see who was . I pulled into spot 74 and turned off my engine . Peter 's Jeep was supposed to be parked here for another 10 minutes at least , according to the time on my dashboard . I heard a voice outside my window and looked up to find a girl talking animatedly on her phone . I immediately recognized her , and smiled at my luck . This girl had to know Peter . Maybe she knew why he wasn 't a student here anymore , or where I could find him . Bethany Flemming , Peter Miller 's girlfriend . This bubbly girl with the contagious laugh has no idea that in just 48 hours she will be in my office crying , telling me about the last time she had seen Peter . She was the last person to see him at the coffee shop where they had met to study for a calculus test . She would look up at me through her tears , a look of vague recognition in her eyes . " You look familiar , " she will say with a croaky voice as she leaves my office . Even after 5 years of doing this job , it still gave me a thrill when someone subconsciously made a time travel connection . Only our clients knew what we did ; it 's one of our rules . Former clients were required to sign a non - disclosure agreement stating they would never reveal the identity of their investigator . We aren 't stupid , we know people talk . How else would we get work ? Unfortunately more and more people were finding out about us and wanted to either join ranks or stop us . The ones who wanted to stop us posed more of a threat , obviously , because they were mostly the people who got caught . I opened my door just as she hung up her phone call . I gave her a nod and a smile when she looked up at me . " Excuse me , miss , who usually parks here ? " I asked . " No one . That spot has been empty all year , " she answered as she threw her book bag in the backseat of her car . This was getting stranger by the minute . How does she not know who Peter is ? They had dated for two years and , according to his parents , Peter had wanted to propose once they graduated . I felt my heart begin to race as a million different questions flew through my brain . Where was this kid ? Had someone completely erased his existence ? Who would be capable of doing that ? Someone with access to time travel . The idea that criminals were evolving to outrun us both terrified and excited me . " Do you know a Peter Miller ? " I shouldn 't have asked that . It could risk too many things , but I couldn 't stop myself from blurting it out . Bethany thought for a moment before answering . I gave her one final smile and turned to make my way back to my car . I sat and stared at my steering wheel as I contemplated the two possible courses of action I could take . One was to go back to the present and check all the facts with Peter 's parents - if they were still his parents , that is . The second was to go back to Peter 's birth date and make sure he was actually born . Having made my decision I reached over to open my glove compartment to get out my travel device when something caught my eye . There was a mark on the front of the glove compartment that I had never noticed before . I ran my finger over the mark , it was a scratch in the shape of an " F " . When I pulled my finger away from the scratch , another mark began to form . I sat back in my seat , unable to believe what I was seeing . I watched as the words " FIND ME " appeared in deep scratches across my glove compartment . By mystrangefictionin Uncategorized , Writing promptsMay 13 , 2017June 19 , 20171 , 520 WordsLeave a comment Summer Reading Adventure I grew up performing in some fashion . Whether it was singing , dancing , or just trying to make my friends laugh . When I was in high school I got into the Theatre and a true passion was ignited . I took a break from the acting world for a few years once I graduated college with a degree in Theatre . Taking on the role of Blanche is extremely taxing on the actor who portrays her . Even more so if that actor has a full time job and is a wife and mother , like myself . I can 't wait to take on my next theatrical endeavor , but right now I am taking a break for a little while until another show comes along that I want to audition for . In the meantime , I 've decided to occupy my mind and satisfy my Theatre itch by making a a summer reading list of scripts to read . This list is compiled of classics , staples , and new work . I asked friends and the internet for plays that all actors should read and this is what I came up with . Most of these I have not read and some of them I have , but not in a very long time . Joe was the last person on Earth that I expected to do that . I mean , I don 't expect a lot of men to show up on my roof at 4 : 37 in the morning , tell me that I am the leader of an ancient supernatural race , sprout wings , and then fly me to an open field full of men and women with the same wings . Yet , that is exactly what has happened . Joe , really ? He 's always seemed so average . He literally is an average freaking joe ! Average height and build with an everyday middle aged male haircut . His hair is even a mousy dishwater blonde . I always overlooked Joe , he was just there in the background . That was his goal , I guess . That 's what a royal supernatural " guardian " is supposed to do , blend in . So tonight Joe shows up on my roof , wings out , and explains that he has been watching over me . Protecting me my entire life , and that there has been some terrible disturbance in the lives of my " people " and I have to go save them . I literally just met this man three years ago when I took the job at Terra Corp , the largest environmental law firm in the city . He 's been my mild mannered supervisor ( oh the irony ) ever since . I thought I 'd had one too many G & T 's that night and this was just some weird drunken dream , what else could explain it ? I turned to go back inside and Joe swooped , like actually swooped in and picked me up . We flew off into the night . I 'm pretty sure I screamed and called him every single horrible name I could think of . We finally landed in the field and I immediately threw up . Yep , too many G & T 's . " What in the actual hell , Joe ? " I asked in between ragged breaths . I was doubled over on my hands and knees . " I 'm sorry Julie , I know this is a lot to take in . I didn 't want you to find out this way , but orders are orders . " Joe walked to me cautiously and crouched to put a comforting hand on my shoulder . " Would you like some water ? " Joe asked as I stood and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand . " I 'd prefer an explanation ! " , I said , sounding completely hysterical . Joe looked around , we were off to the side of a wide field where a few tents were set up with benches and different weapons . It was then that I noticed that the sky looked like it was around noon , instead of the early hours of the morning . " Let 's start with water . " He then took off faster than a human could possibly move . I collapsed on a nearby bench looking out over the field where incredibly muscular men and women were sparring with swords and spears . Where the fucking hell was I ? " You are the only living leader . " Joe 's crazy words repeated in my foggy brain . Leader of who ? I 've never lead anything , or anyone . I did assistant direct a production of Death of a Salesman in 10th grade . Does that count as previous work experience ? My head was pounding and my stomach was rumbling . " What are you thinking ? " Joe said as he handed me a canteen of water . I was startled by is words , I didn 't even hear him walk up . " I 'm thinking that I am way more drunk than I thought I was , and I have a fantastic imagination . " I took generous gulps of water . " Julie , you aren 't drunk , and you 're not dreaming . There is still more for me to explain , and a lot for you to learn . Are you going to be okay ? " Joe looked at me with fatherly concern . That was new . " Yeah , I 'm cool . " I said unconvincingly as I finished my water . Joe laughed , and it was the most comforting thing I 'd heard in the last 24 hours . Joe stood and reached a hand out to me . " Come on , I 'll show you around the camp . " Chaos surrounded the detectives as they exited the elevator on the trauma floor of the hospital . Doctors and nurses buzzed about , taking care of patients and going over charts . A team of doctors pushing a patient on a gurney nearly side swiped Detective Jenkins on their way to the operating room . Nick walked up to the reception desk where several nurses were busy working . " We 're here to see Jacqueline Maynard , " he said across the desk to the nurses . None of them looked up from what they were doing . The hallway was loud and crowded so he repeated himself a little louder . Two nurses looked up and gave him a dirty look for interrupting them . He turned to Jenkins , throwing his hands up . Jenkins chuckled to himself . The older detective turned back to the nurse as he smoothed his gray hair back and prepared his best smile . Jenkins may have been older than his partner , but he still had his boyish charm and rugged good looks . " Excuse me Miss , I hate to interrupt your work . I know you 're terribly busy … " The nurse looked up at Jenkins . She couldn 't help but return his smile with her own . " Wow , you have a great smile , " Jenkins said . He made a point to look over at Nick with a big grin . Nick rolled his eyes , he usually hated putting up with Jenkins 's antics but he needed this to work . " Oh yes , poor thing . She 's really shaken up . " Nick moved in closer to hear what the nurse was saying . " I believe the doctor is in with her now , I can check and see if she 's ready to see you . " The nurse got up and went into a room directly across from the reception desk . Jenkins gave Nick a satisfied smile . " And that is how it 's done , my boy , " he said , slapping Nick on the shoulder . " You need to learn how to finesse the fairer sex . " " I 'll be sure to work on that , " Nick said dryly . " She 's had severe trauma to her head , which could affect her memory for awhile . Other than that just a few minor bumps and bruises . She 's very lucky , " the doctor said , folding the chart under his arms . " Is she conscious ? " asked Nick . He was getting a little antsy to speak with Jacqueline . He knew that having a witness could be a great thing for a case , but waiting too long could cause the witness 's memory to become foggy . The human memory was a tricky thing . Nick squeezed his eyes shut as a feeling of dread came over him . Why is the captain here ? He thought to himself . He turned to the intimidatingly tall man now standing at the reception desk . He was in a suit even though it was two in the morning . This told Nick he was here on business . " Captain Barrett , I hope my text didn 't wake you . I just wanted to let you know what was happening , " Nick said , walking over to him . " Jenkins and I are about to talk to the witness . " Captain Barrett , with his buzzed hair cut and square posture , was every bit a former military man . This was the man that Nick needed to impress . This was also the man who scared the piss out of him . " Of course you woke me up , " the captain said , exasperated with the young detective . " I 'm here to make sure you don 't ruin this investigation . A lot can go wrong with a witness , " the captain said , looking Nick square in the eyes . " I know , sir . I think I can handle it . I already built a rapport with the woman at the scene . I think she trusts me , " Nick said , feigning confidence . " Plus Jenkins will be with me , " he added quickly . " You won 't need to , " Nick said . He was trying to hide his anger , but his fists were clenched tightly by his side . Captain Barrett nodded and Nick turned and walked past Jenkins to the hospital room door . Nick looked at his partner with his fists still clenched . " I don 't want to go there right now . " He walked over to the bed were Jacqueline appeared to be sleeping . " Miss Maynard ? " Nick said softly . He hated to wake her when she looked so peaceful , but they needed to know what she saw . Nick waited for a response but she did not move . " She out ? " Jenkins asked coming to stand opposite his partner on the other side of the bed . " Looks like it , " said Nick still looking down at her , watching her slow even breathing . There was something about her face that was hypnotic in a way . He found himself remembering her expressive eyes at the crime scene and wanted to see them again . " She 's hot , right ? " said Jenkins , effectively interrupting Nick 's thoughts . He looked up at Jenkins . " That 's what this guy goes for , " Nick answered . " All his Vics have been beautiful . " Not as beautiful as this one , he thought to himself and then pushed that idea out of his head . He needed to focus on the task at hand . Jenkins nodded in agreement . " Did you see the pictures of that yoga instructor before she got chopped ? " Jenkins asked then whistled through his teeth . " Man , it sure is a shame that a body like that went to waste , and a redhead too ! You know what they say about redheads … " Nick was about to tell his partner to knock it off when Jacqueline stirred in her bed . " I must … I … must , " she said as her eyes fluttered open and then closed again . Her eyes slowly blinked open . " I must … be … dreaming , " The two detectives looked at each other , confused . " Jacqueline you 're in the hospital , you were attacked . I 'm sorry , but you aren 't dreaming , " Nick said cautiously . " I must be . A respectable cop would never speak that way about a dead woman , " Jacqueline said . Her voice was breathless , but her eyes shot daggers at Detective Jenkins . He looked down at the floor , embarrassed . She looked up at Nick , her eyes brimming with tears . " You can , " she said , " but he has to go . " She spat her words at Jenkins . Nick was surprised by her spunk and found himself trying hard not to smile at the discomfort of his partner . " It might be best if you step outside , Jenkins , " Nick said . Jenkins rolled his eyes as he left the room . " I 'm really sorry about my partner , " Nick said , turning back to to Jacqueline . She was looking up at him . Her eyes once again seemed to show her thoughts zipping through her mind at lightning speed . Nick wanted to know what she was thinking . " He 's a good cop , not necessarily a good person , " he said . Her words caught the detective off guard and a boyish smile broke across his face . " I try to be , " he said . " Do you mind if we talk about what happened tonight ? " Jacqueline nodded as she tried to prop herself up in the bed . Her face pinched together in pain and Nick reached down to help her . He placed a pillow behind her back to make her more comfortable . " You okay ? " Nick asked and immediately realized how idiotic of a question that was . Of course she wasn 't okay . The poor woman had walked in on her friend being dissected by a madman and then she almost died from a blow to the head . " I guess so , all things considered , " she said with a faint smile . " I told you , I 'm not sure what happened . " She brought her hand up and squeezed the bridge of her nose with her fingers to relieve pressure . " That 's fine , " Nick said . " Let 's start somewhere else . " Jacqueline looked up at him with a look of sheer anxiety across her face . Nick continued , " How did you know Miss Kelly ? " Nick cleared his throat . This was the worst part about his job - dealing with others ' pain and grief . He was the kind of person who took on others ' pain - always had been . He hated it . Solving the puzzle , catching the bad guy … that was what Nick loved about the job . Making sure that people in his community were safe was his driving force . He did not think he would ever get used to a crying victim . He wanted to reach out and comfort Jacqueline , but he knew that was a bad idea . Jacqueline wiped tears from her eyes . " New Horizons Rehab Center . I am a behavioral psychologist . Mary taught yoga to the patients there three times a week . They all loved her . " Nick had stopped writing and looked up from his notes at Jacqueline . " What ? Why are you looking at me like that ? " she asked , wondering why the detective had a huge grin that almost split his face in two . " I 'm sorry , " Nick said noticing that his expression seemed to unnerve her . He quickly asked his next question . " Did you or Mary ever have any affiliation with the Center for Hope ? " Jacqueline seemed to think on this for a moment . " Now that you mention it , yes . I consulted on some patient files a few years back at the request of the director ; he was a friend from grad school . I don 't know about Mary . " " What was the director 's name ? " Nick asked . He could barely contain his excitement . " Thomas Johanson , but he couldn 't be involved with this , " she said , looking at Nick with confusion . She placed her head in her hands and closed her eyes . " My brain is so foggy . Can we do this later ? " Nick closed his note pad . " Of course , " he said , the smile returning to his face . He handed her a card from his pocket . " Why don 't you give me a call when you 're discharged and you can come down to the station to make your statement ? " Where do you start when dissecting a human body ? To some , it might seem a little overwhelming . Do you start at the top or the bottom ? The back or the front ? How do you know the correct amount of pressure to apply to slice through the skin , but not puncture an organ ? My father used to have this saying whenever I would come to him overwhelmed by my school work or some other adolescent problem . He would look up from whatever book he was reading , with his slender reading glasses perched at the end of his nose and say ; " How do you eat an elephant ? " After years of this I didn 't need him to answer the question for me . I would simply reply " One bite at a time , " and just like that a sense of invincibility would come over me . That mantra would act as a reset button to calm my nerves . His words were a reminder that anything can be conquered if you take it apart one piece at a time . One bite at a time Some people become killers because they feel like they have no control or because they are damaged . Aren 't we all damaged in some way ? People assume the worst about serial killers . You have some weird religious belief . You were abused or molested as a child which causes you to lash out in a horrific manner . Or my favorite , you 're just plain evil . That is not always true . I don 't believe I am evil . Sometimes you just need to find the thing that makes you feel powerful . We all have our own coping methods . My father 's words still ring in my head every time I drag my blade from sternum to navel . ( That 's the answer by the way . Start at the top and work your way down . ) All of my anxieties and insecurities , for the time being , float away with every layer I pull back . I get stronger and more powerful with every vital organ I remove . I know my coping method isn 't ideal . I 'm not crazy , I know killing people is wrong . We all know things we do are wrong , but we do them anyway . It all comes down to how bad off you are without your fix . I tried to cut back once . I really did try ! I was at a point where I needed a fix once a week . I realized that is just too much . I found that keeping a token was a good way for me to cope between my outings . I chose to cut about a 5 inch length of hair from each of them . Enough to play with between my fingers when I get the itch . It 's always the last piece I remove . The final bite of my elephant . Mary had the prettiest red hair I 'd ever seen . I told her it was beautiful several times before I decided to take it . She would just smile and run her hands through her gorgeous red mane . Now I can run my fingers through it whenever I want . By mystrangefictionin White Chapel AvenueApril 13 , 2017April 13 , 20172 , 663 WordsLeave a comment Timeline Prologue I had this idea a few weeks ago , what if you knew the exact moment your loved ones were going to die ? Then it evolved into more . What if it happened every time you made eye contact with someone . I wondered what life would be like for that person . I wondered how they would feel about life and death . Would they try to save people ? Would they be able to have any sort of relationships ? What kind of job would they have ? I got used to looking away . At first it was hard not to tell them or at least give them some sort of idea of when it would happen . For a time , I thought it was a great idea to tell them . Especially if it was going to happen soon . I 'd be in line for coffee and I 'd see someone on the phone and it would change , right then . Their time was sooner than it had been just a moment ago because of a choice they had made right then . I would try and approach them and find some way to let them know they were making a bad decision . Unfortunately you can 't just go around telling people that they will die very soon if they do this or that . They would tell me I was crazy , or call the cops . I learned to keep to myself and look down at the ground as I walked through a crowd . I became a loner at a very early age . I never had too many friends growing up . Knowing exactly when your friends were going to die isn 't something you want to have in your head every time you see them . I can remember the first time it happened . I was about four or five . You know those hazy memories you have from your really early childhood ? The ones that play through your head in a sort of stop motion sequence . I remember sitting on the floor of our living room playing with my new doll that Santa Claus had brought me . She had pretty auburn curls like me . I remember my dad calling my name " Hey , Sarah , look up here at daddy ! " When I looked up , half of his face was covered by a big bulky camera . I could see him smiling and making noises to get me to pay attention . I remember letters and numbers appearing right over his head . I pointed at them and dad snapped the picture . I started to tell him the letters I saw . I pointed above his head and said , " M ! I see M daddy ! " I began to clap my hands in excitement as I identified the remaining letters and numbers . I 'll never forget the way my father 's face looked when he realized what I was reading . My father also had the " knowledge " , that 's what the two of us would call it . He explained what it meant once I was a bit older . When I was still young and pointing out letters and numbers above people 's heads my dad would remind me it was not polite to point , so I would whisper it to myself . When I learned how to read , that 's when everything changed . I couldn 't understand why I was seeing days of the week and months written above people 's heads . I remember asking him if that was their birthday . He smiled down at me " Sort of , it 's a special day , a day where they move on to a new adventure , " he 'd said . My dad was a pretty great dad . He was always so optimistic , which is pretty hard to be when your daughter has told you the exact date you will leave her on her own . By mystrangefictionin TimelineApril 11 , 2017April 11 , 2017637 WordsLeave a comment Writing Prompt : High School Warning I am in the middle of writing two stories and sometimes I need a break from plotting and working through what happens when . So , I hop on the interwebs and search for a writing prompt to get my mind off of the story at hand . Writer 's block is real and it sucks . I try to combat this by turning to writing prompts . You don 't have to think too hard , it 's merely an exercise . When working with a prompt , the basic idea is given to you . All you have to do is play . You can find prompts anywhere , on pinterest , on tumblr , or in books . If you are stuck or bored , I encourage you to try and work on a prompt . Don 't worry about pretense or what happens in the future . Don 't worry about grammar or sentence structure , just start writing . Prompt : A kid in your grade whom you don 't know very well shows up at your house one day to tell you something important . What does he look like ? What does he say ? I am staring through my peep hole at Josh McMahon . Why on Earth is Josh McMahon knocking on my front door ? Don 't get me wrong , I have dreamed of Josh showing up on my doorstep to proclaim his undying love for me since freshman year , but he would actually have to know I existed for that to happen . I slowly open the door and just stare at him . He is the epitome of every high school girls fantasy , whether they admit it or not . Low slung well fitted jeans , snug baseball shirt and converse tennis shoes . He looks around nervously and pushes his dark brown hair out of his face . " Why ? " is all I can manage to get out . I instantly regret that this is the very first word that I have ever said to Josh McMahon . His head snaps back to look at me with piercing green eyes . " I have to tell you something , can I come in ? " , he takes one more nervous look around and I get the feeling that this is some sort of prank . " You can 't tell me out here ? " I ask , following his gaze to try and see who he might be looking for . " I really don 't want anyone to see me here . " Josh says hesitantly . " Wow , yeah , that totally makes me want to invite you in . " Feeling completely humiliated I go to shut the door . Josh steps forward placing his foot in the doorway . " I 'm sorry , It 's just really important , and no one can know it came from me . " I wanted to kick him out of the doorway and slam the door in his face , but I couldn 't . He was looking at me with so much concern that it almost knocked the wind out of me . I opened the door enough to let Josh pass through , and shut it behind him . Without a word I walked towards the kitchen and sat on a stool at the breakfast bar . Josh stood on the other side , palms on the counter looking around my parents kitchen . " Well ? " I said expectantly . This was the weirdest afternoon I 'd had in quite some time . He looked down at me and said " Sam Tyndall is going to ask you to prom . " Yep , this is definitely the weirdest afternoon I have EVER had . I sat there stunned in silence . If Josh McMahon was the prince of Duke High , Sam Tyndall was the king . Captain of the football team , only dated cheerleaders , you know the type . " You 're joking . " I found myself saying . Josh looked exasperated . " No , I 'm not . You can 't go with him . " By mystrangefictionin Writing promptsApril 11 , 2017April 11 , 2017635 Words2 Comments What Happened on White Chapel Avenue ? What DID happen on White Chapel avenue ? That is a very good question , and Detective Nick Mendoza is trying desperately to find the answer . This is the third brutal homicide in as many months that the young detective has been called in to work on . If a desirable result follows an action , it is more likely that the action will occur again and again . The feeling of euphoria a junkie gets when they first take a hit . The numbness an alcoholic feels once they 've passed out . The feeling a surgeon gets while his scalpel glides through human skin with ease . An orgasm . Addiction stems from actions and results . Once a person has experienced the desired result , that action becomes a compulsion . They are constantly chasing that first high , wondering how they can make this time feel as good as it did then . How does one do that ? How do you manage an addiction or a compulsion . You up the stakes . His coffee had gone cold , but he barely noticed . He knew he would need the caffeine , so he gulped it down as fast as he could . The day had been long and it was about to become an even longer night . Police cars and crime scene unit vehicles filled the narrow street in front of the White Chapel apartment building . Rain fell softly and reflected red and blue across Detective Nick Mendoza 's windshield as he idled to a stop . He quickly jumped out of his car , pulling the collar of his rain coat up around his ears . " Where 's our witness ? " Nick called to his partner , Detective Jenkins , who was standing on the sidewalk barking orders at anyone that would listen . " She 's in the ambulance , " Jenkins said , meeting his partner in the street . " I figured you 'd want to take a shot at her first , so I 'll be up at the scene . I heard it 's nasty . " " Don 't move anything until I get up there , " Nick said . " You got it , partner . " The detectives parted ways and Nick made his way over to the ambulance . This is big , he thought to himself . He and Jenkins had been tracking this case for two months with little to go on . The detectives were frustrated to say the least . The only thing known about this guy was his shoe size and that he liked to dissect pretty women . This killer was clean and meticulous , leaving barely a trace of evidence - but now there was a witness . A witness could change everything . A witness could break this case wide open , and Nick was desperate for that to happen . His captain was showing a lot of faith in him by letting Nick handle this investigation . He knew if he screwed it up he 'd be on traffic duty until retirement . Although it had not been confirmed that this was the same perp , he had a gut feeling that it was . Cases like this made careers , and the young detective could taste the victory coming . He was going to get this guy come hell or high water . He rounded the side of the ambulance , stopping abruptly when he saw a slender brunette sitting in the back . Her big green eyes were red and puffy from crying . She was wrapped in a blanket despite the warm night . An EMT stood in front of her as he worked on a gash on her forehead . She looked so small in the ambulance . The detective pushed the image of this young woman fighting for her life out of his head . " I 'm detective Mendoza , " he said , moving his coat aside so she could see his badge . " I 'd like to ask you a few questions , if that 's okay . " " I 'm not sure what happened . " " That 's okay , " he said reassuringly . " Anything you remember could be helpful . Was he tall ? Did he have a tattoo ? Did he say anything ? " The EMT turned to the detective . " We really need to get her to a hospital . " Nick nodded . " Miss Maynard , I 'll meet you there and we can continue once you 're feeling a little better . " She looked up at him , completely exhausted . " Please , call me Jacqueline , " she said softly . Her eyes were full of emotion despite her obvious fatigue . Nick could swear he saw a thousand thoughts dance across her eyes as he spoke to her . He thought she must still be reeling from what happened . Gently placing a hand on her shoulder , he said " You 're safe now , Jacqueline . " She gave him a weak smile as the EMT helped her up into the ambulance . Nick shut the door and put his note pad back in his pocket . He bounded up the stairs , taking them two at a time to get to the crime scene . There was a body in the hallway in front of the victim 's apartment . He got closer and saw that it was an elderly woman with multiple stab wounds . Nick knew immediately that she was not this guy 's type . He liked them young and beautiful . " Collateral damage ? " he asked the medical inspector who was standing over the old woman 's body . She nodded as she took down notes . The detective stepped around the body to reach the apartment door . " Any sign of forced entry ? " he asked the CSU technician inspecting the apartment door . " Nope , just like the others , " the young man answered . Nick knew the answer to that question before it was given , but he liked to make people feel necessary . It came in handy when he needed a favor . Once in the apartment , he took a look around . CSU were everywhere taking pictures and collecting evidence . In the middle of the living room on a plastic tarp was the body of a redheaded woman . Her abdomen was sliced open with her organs exposed , and her neck and limbs were severed from her body . Nick circled her body like a shark , mentally going over the evidence in front of him . " Looks like little Miss Maynard interrupted him , " Jenkins answered , taking a puff of his cigarette . Nick caught the scent of tobacco and his head shot up . " Jenkins ! Put that shit out ! " he yelled . Jenkins rolled his eyes and threw the cigarette out the open window . He walked over to his partner , pulling his notepad out of his pocket . " Our vic , " he began , indicating the woman on the floor . " Mary Kelly , 32 . She was a yoga instructor . " He looked at Nick and wiggled his eyebrows . " You 're seriously messed up in the head , Jenkins . " Jenkins shrugged and continued . " No sign of forced entry so she probably knew the guy . Her friend , Maynard , came over while the guy was doing his thing and he cracked her in the skull with this . " He handed Nick an evidence bag containing a silver candle holder stained with blood . " The neighbor , Ms . Harvey , was stabbed to death . She must have heard all the commotion and came over . She bled out before anyone could get here . " Jenkins flipped his notepad closed . He pulled a straw from behind his ear and put it in his mouth to chew . " What is it ? " Nick asked , quickly walking over to him . He yanked the bag from his hand and inspected it . " Jenkins , if this bastard left his DNA , I 'm getting a lottery ticket ! " he said with a smile . " Where was this ? " " On the fire escape , " the technician explained . " The window that leads out to it was open when we got here . " " And we 're sure it 's not Jenkins 's ? " Detective Jenkins grabbed the evidence bag and looked closely at the cigarette butt in the bag . " Nope , not my brand . Are we sure it 's not Mary Kelly 's ? " Jenkins asked . " She was a yoga instructor . If she smoked , I 'll buy you a lottery ticket . " He took the bag from Jenkins and gave it to the CSU tech . " Get this to the lab ASAP ! " The tech nodded and left the room . " We need to get to the hospital to talk to our witness , " Nick said , unable to hide his excitement as he turned to leave the apartment . Jenkins found himself having to jog to keep up with his partner . " Her head was banged up , but she seemed pretty alert . " Jenkins chuckled and shook his head as the two men walked down the stairs and back out to the street .
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I hadn 't planned on today 's chapters being the last ones . As I mentioned , I wrote the novel ( or " novel - thingy " as I like to call it ) about 5 years ago . I hadn 't read it in about as long , having become thoroughly sick of it in the re - writing / revision process . In a way , I 've been reading it fresh , like you guys , having forgotten a lot of it . In my mind , the final chapters stretched into November , even December . And then there it was today : The End . But really , " end " and " beginning " should be the same word , because they embrace each other - - beginning comes before end ; end comes before beginning . I called Doug to tell him about the verdict . I had been trying to catch him all day . He finally picked up . " Not - Mother - Fucking - Guilty ! " I announced giddily . I had forgotten to pretend we were enemies . I left notes on Matthew , José , and Janice 's desks to meet me at the bar after work . I arrived first , having left work early , unable to accomplish anything other than telling people about my trial and the verdict . My friends ' arrival startled me out of a sweet daydream in which the judge asked the juror , " Is this the verdict of the jury ? " " Absolutely , " the juror said over and over in my imagination . " For now I 'm just pretending to have an office , until I make some money . I say , ' Meet me at my office at nine . ' Then I say , ' No , wait , I have to be in court - just meet me at the courthouse . ' And then I meet with the client in one of those courthouse conference rooms . " " I don 't know … " I loved his 10 - year - old Toyota Celica with its " Free Tibet Now ! " bumper sticker - I considered it a proud symbol of idealistic underemployment . " Gordon met with the commissioners again and told them we only needed three new lawyers and two support staff . We had all been thinking about leaving , anyway . Gordon 's last move made us expedite our plans . " I couldn 't believe what I was hearing . I was furious but not surprised by Gordon 's betrayal , but I was more upset about my friends ' plans . I could feel my band of underground resistance fighters disbanding . I had pictured us staying together in the office . Good and bad bosses would come and go , but the job itself would always be there for those of us who knew how lucky we were to be paid to question authority . I could feel it slipping away , though . I had a mental image of José driving a Mercedes convertible , hair blown back by the wind , a handsome companion in the passenger seat . I saw Janice sneaking cigarettes outside a large law firm . I saw Matthew out on a high school football field , shouting drills to awkward teenagers . I couldn 't see me , though . Where was I ? CHAPTER SEVENTY - TWO I began my new position in juvenile court the next day . I would have liked to take a couple of days off - a week even - but my transfer had already been delayed a week due to Mark 's trial . My new supervisor told me to go over to the juvenile detention center and talk to all of the kids who had been arrested over the weekend . I presumed they called it " detention center " because the word " jail " seemed too harsh for children . It was my job to try to get the kids who had been arrested over the weekend released from children 's jail . On the door of the detention center I saw a list : " New Detainees . " I surmised that these were the names of the kids I needed to talk to . Just as I was trying to figure out how to get in the detention center , a tall woman with long , blonde hair , wearing a suit made of Pepto Bismol colored wool approached me . " It 's an ankle bracelet that the child must wear at all times . Her movements will be traced by global positioning technology . She 's basically on house arrest . She can go to school , but otherwise must be in her home or within 10 feet of her house . " " She is charged with riding in a stolen car with some older teenagers . She was originally released to her mother 's custody , but she failed to come to her first court date . I have checked with her school . She has missed 10 out of the last 20 school days . She isn 't going to school ; she 's running around with felonious teenagers . She 's completely out of control . " Despite knowing her age before I saw her , Josie 's appearance was a shock . She was still a child - - so small that the detention clothes hung loosely from her slight frame . She was sitting at a table in the detention library ; her feet didn 't touch the floor . She had been crying . I smiled at her sweet face . " You know , I think I am . " I pulled out the notice setting arraignment . " Did you know you missed court the other day ? " I felt ridiculous asking a 12 year old about a court date . " I didn 't know . I want to go home . I want my mom . " She began to cry again and covered her face with her hands . " No . Going to jail really scared me . I don 't see those older kids at all anymore - I just walk to school with my cousin and walk back home . I go to school when I can , and my grades are way up . " I felt a rush of anger . This was a 12 year old , who had never been in trouble before , who was at the complete mercy of adults to get her where she was supposed to be . And they wanted her to go to the seventh grade wearing a global tracking device . " Josie says she didn 't know about the court date . Is that true ? " I asked Josie 's mother , who , like Josie , had been crying . " Oh , absolutely . " She lowered her voice . " I 'm embarrassed to say it , but we 're kind of homeless right now . I moved out from my boyfriend because of domestic violence , and we 've been staying at my sister 's , and sometimes my mom 's - the mail must have gotten lost in the shuffle . " " She 's been great . I didn 't like those girls she was hanging out with , but she wouldn 't listen to me about them until she got arrested . She hasn 't seen them once since that day , though . She walks to school with her cousin , and listens when I tell her to do something . She 's even been doing the dishes . " " Yes , from the migraines . Ever since that car accident , she gets them a lot . But I always call the school when she has to miss a day . " " Yes . She was pretty rude . I told her all of this , but she acted like she didn 't believe me . Like it was somehow Josie 's fault that she has migraines and didn 't know about the court date . " " All right . I think we should go talk to the judge about whether Josie has to be on electronic monitoring . I 'll go and find out when we go to court . " I waited on a couch in the court administrator 's office for the 1 : 30 detention hearing . I was reviewing my notes and the affidavit of probable cause when the court commissioner came in . Court commissioners , lawyers appointed to a quasi - judgeship by the county , heard most juvenile cases . The juvenile court room was tiny , as if everything had been down - sized because of the children we were dealing with . I sat down at the counsel table with Josie , who began crying again when she saw her mother seated in the back of the courtroom . I had never seen a detention hearing before , but assumed that it would be similar to a superior court bail hearing . This comment was totally inappropriate . Should I object ? Before I could decide what to do , the judge said , " Thank you , Ms . Spangle , I 'll hear your report now . " I was surprised at Ms . Spangle 's lack of neutrality . She told the judge that Josie had missed court , missed 10 of the last 20 days of school , and was " out of control . " She didn 't even mention the changed address , the migraines , or that Josie was at school when arrested . I couldn 't wait to give the judge these additional facts . " But , but … you don 't understand … " She was too intimidated to explain the situation . I was appalled . The judge had obviously believed everything the probation officer said , without a chance for a response . Finally , I had had enough . I knew judges hated to be interrupted , especially mid - tirade , but this had to stop . I stood up and said , " Judge , will you please wait to form your conclusions until you 've heard from both sides ? " " Thank you , Judge , " I said , trying to keep my tone even and respectful . I was afraid he would order Josie to be on electronic home monitoring because he was angry with me . I ran through our response to Ms . Spangle 's exaggerated claims : that Josie had stopped hanging around the older girls that she got in trouble with ; that while she missed school often , these were excused absences due to a documented history of migraine headaches ; that she and her mother had not received notice of the court date because they had moved ; and that Josie was at school when she was arrested . " Well , thanks again . That judge was making it seem like I 'm a bad mother and she 's a bad kid . That 's just not true . " Just then , detention staff released Josie into the lobby . She ran to her mother and hugged and hugged her . Then she turned around and hugged me too . I walked back to the office on a sunny afternoon thinking about how long I could stay in juvenile court before its inanities drove me over the edge . Two years , maybe three - long enough to figure out what I wanted to do with my life . I considered my options : water - color artist ( I couldn 't paint ) ; marine biologist ( I wasn 't 12 years old ) , president of the United States ( please ) . It would be nice to find someone to cook for , I thought . I almost walked right past Matthew , who was sitting on a park bench in the shade of a tree near the office . He was holding hands with a girl wearing a long , flowery skirt , pale blue cotton sweater , and Birkenstocks . I was happy that Matthew was moving on - his teaching job started in a couple of weeks and he appeared googly - eyed in love with Annie . Janice had already begun her new job , and José 's practice was off to a fast start . We still had lunch and occasionally gathered at Moezy 's , but it wasn 't the same . I didn 't like to admit it , but I was in a funk . Juvenile court was definitely less stressful , and I tried to tell myself that I was giving myself time to think . I could figure out what I wanted in life , where I was going with my career , go to the gym at lunch every day . But I felt like a loser . Half of my files were " Minor in Possession of Alcohol " for God 's sake . And while the kids were fun to talk to , the work wasn 't challenging . I had become an adrenaline junky , and now I had lost my fix . For years , I had operated on a combination of bravado and instinct , but now the bravado was gone . What was left ? I had been in juvenile court about a month when Neal Stein , the juvenile supervisor , called me into his office . I hadn 't gotten a feel for him yet , which was a good sign , because it meant that he left me alone . He was in his 50s and had worked in major felonies under Ed , but Gordon had made him the juvenile court supervisor , probably to avoid a power clash in felonies . José had told me that Neal was a true - believer public defender , but was a few years from retirement , and happy to ride out his last years in juvi . I didn 't dream he would be like Ed ; I just hoped he would leave me alone . I sat in a chair in Neal 's office , waiting for him to finish a phone call . Neal had gray hair , a slightly scruffy beard and mustache , and wise eyes . Movie posters - Reservoir Dogs , Pulp Fiction , Fight Club - decorated his office walls . The posters showed that he had some power , because Gordon had banned " unprofessional " office décor . He took his glasses off and cleaned them with a tissue . " Kate , I asked you to meet with me because an intern will be volunteering at our office this summer . She wanted to see what juvenile court was like . I 'm assigning you to be her supervising attorney . " " It 's a her . Natalie Beatty . Show her around , answer her questions . You know , show her the ropes . " He held out a white folder . " Here 's her resume . Read it if you want . She 'll be here tomorrow at eleven o ' clock . " I looked at the folder . Her name was embossed in silver letters on the cover of the white folder made of thick linen - textured paper . The folder held a resume , writing sample , transcript , and a newspaper article about a volunteer project she had organized last summer . On paper , she looked like everything I wasn 't : organized , goal - oriented , driven , together . I felt a puzzling emotion as I looked through her packet ; I wasn 't resentful of her seeming competence - I felt proud of her . The next morning , I straightened my office for Natalie . I had read a book about clutter that said neat piles were better than messy piles , so I squared the edges of all my disorganized stacks of stuff . I took to storage a document box full of Nate Bridge 's materials . I blew dust off of Kelly Campbell 's antennae and considered washing Mr . Roberts ' swim trunks . I was nervous . At exactly eleven o ' clock , I opened the door to the lobby . " Natalie ? " I called out . A petite young woman with curly chestnut hair stood up and held out her hand . We were wearing identical navy pinstriped suits . We laughed . She had an open , pleasant laugh - loud enough to feel hearty and real , but tonal enough to be charming . She was wearing a pearl necklace , where I had a few silver beads on a black leather string . She didn 't seem comfortable in the suit , like she felt a need to sit up extra straight to feel she was justified in wearing it . I pictured her looking at herself in the mirror after she dressed for our meeting , insisting to her reflection , " Lawyer , Lawyer , Lawyer . " I showed her to my office . " I guess I 'd better figure out what I 'm supposed to do as your supervisor . Do you know where I find the statute regarding Rule Nine Interns ? " I opened the book and found Rule Nine . " It looks like you can appear in court , but because juvenile court is technically a division of Superior Court , I will need to be there with you . I wonder if you can do trials ? " I pretended not to notice . " Yes , I 've got one next week . Let 's see , ' a Rule Nine intern may conduct trials in Superior Court if accompanied by the supervising attorney , bla , bla , bla . ' Looks like you can do it . Great . " " Why don 't you just read through the police reports over lunch . You can stay here in my office while I go to the gym . It 's a pretty good case - you 'll have fun . " I came back from the gym an hour and a half later . I was thinking it would be funny to drape my damp work - out towel over her chair . I opened the door . She was sitting in my chair , looking straight ahead with tears in her eyes . I felt like a heel . Why did I think I had to perpetuate this insane hazing ritual ? " Natalie . What 's wrong ? It 's not the end of the world . I 'll help you . " " Don 't worry about that - no one learns how to do a trial in a trial skills class . I 've got everything you need to know right here , " I said , tapping my head with my finger . I glanced at my bulletin board . The trial roadmap Janice had written four years ago was still tacked there . I took it down and handed it to her . " First we figure out what our defense is , " I said . " Then we prepare every aspect of the trial from the perspective of our defense . " I noticed she was writing every word I said . This made me feel very wise . " So , what 's the charge ? " " A rhetorical question . " I handed her a tissue . " Since assault requires an intentional touching , there 's accident . Or maybe it just didn 't happen . Or it was consensual . Or they 've got the wrong guy . And , of course , self defense . Don 't worry , it 's really not that hard - your defense will be obvious when you talk to your guy . It 's just a good idea to be aware of the general possibilities before you talk to your client . " " I guess you 've never had a client before . Clients are the best part of this job , even when they drive you crazy . Because your duty is so pure - it 's your job to do the best you can for this one person . Not a corporation , or stockholders , or the State of Washington . " We spent the afternoon working on the case . I made her write an opening statement off the top of her head , and then showed her how to refine it . We brainstormed ideas for cross - examination . I gave her a list of things to put into her closing argument . By five o ' clock , I realized that I had been talking for two and a half hours , and still had more to tell her . I tried to stay out of Natalie 's way as she prepared for the trial . I wanted to hover . She practiced her opening statement to anyone who would listen . I admired her nerve . The only person I ever practiced in front of was my reflection in the mirror . We double - checked the Rule Nine Intern statute to make sure we had everything covered . I was curious about whether I needed to sit at the counsel table with her . I knew she wanted me to sit with her , although she hadn 't asked , but I didn 't want to give her that security blanket . She had to learn to rely on her own instincts , even when she felt like she didn 't know what she was doing - especially when she felt like she didn 't know what she was doing . On the day of Natalie 's trial , we went together to the courtroom . Natalie set all of her stuff up on the counsel table . I sat in the back . Bradley walked into the room . He looked at her , then at me . I introduced them . " Bradley , this is Natalie Beatty . She 's a Rule Nine Intern . She 's going to do this trial . " I was afraid Natalie would faint . " Yes , she can , Bradley , " I said without looking at him . I was glad we had read the rule carefully before coming over . I placed myself between Bradley and Natalie and tried to distract her with conversation . She was freaking out , though . " Kate , " Bradley said , tugging at my sleeve . " We need to talk . A Rule Nine Intern can 't do a trial in Superior Court . " Bradley sat facing stonily forward . Bradley would never change - he arrogantly thought he knew what he was talking about , even though he obviously hadn 't read the rule . I could have shown him my copy of the statute , but why help him ? I could tell Natalie was stressing , but she was going to have to learn how to deal with these arrogant assholes . Bradley picked up his briefcase and put it on the table , as if preparing to leave . " I 'm going to have to dismiss the case , " he said . " I can 't find my witness . " " Great , " I said with a fake , bright smile . I watched him slide his legal pad into the case and walk out of the courtroom . I thought this would probably happen ; I hadn 't been able to find his witness either . " You just won your first case ! " I said , putting my arm around her shoulders . " Bradley couldn 't find his witness , so he had to dismiss . " " In this business , a win is a win . And you did do something . You worked hard and got ready for the trial , and if the witness had come in , you would have done the trial . Because you were ready , you forced Bradley to dismiss . " We walked together back to the office together . I carried her trial notebook and she carried her briefcase and legal books . " I don 't understand , " she said . " Bradley didn 't know what he was talking about with the Rule Nine Intern stuff . He had no idea what the rule 's provisions were . " At that moment , I wanted to hug her and tell her everything would be OK . Even if I knew better . I wanted to tell her so many things - that you would be lucky to find one intelligent , thoughtful lawyer in 10 , that a lot of them are jerks , that some people will treat you unfairly ; that she would do great work in spite of all of it . But who was I to tell her all of this ? She would find out by living it - why ruin the surprise ? " One of the best parts about this job , " I finally said , " is telling assholes like that to go fuck themselves . " " She 's great . She 's smart , she works hard , and she 's willing to fight for the clients . I thought she might be a little too wholesome , but maybe that was just the pearl necklace . And I saw her sneaking a cigarette behind the building the other day . " " I think she might be . I was a little annoyed when you assigned her to me . But now I think I 'm glad . I was in kind of a funk before , but now I feel better . " I found Natalie in my office talking on her cell phone . She closed it and said , " Want to go and have a drink ? I 'm meeting some of the other interns . " I hadn 't seen Doug since I had moved to juvenile . I had anonymously sent him a dead cockroach I found under my desk by interoffice mail , but otherwise , nothing . I was surprised when I saw him outside the main courthouse , carrying a cardboard box . He put the box down . " As a prosecutor , I was always looking for the worst in people . When I got a case , I 'd think , ' This is a bad person who needs to be punished . ' I don 't think it 's healthy to look at people that way . You guys at least try to find something good in a person who had done a bad thing . " " Allegedly done a bad thing . " He looked into my eyes for a second , like he was searching for something . " I didn 't like what being a prosecutor was doing to me . " I looked at my watch . Damn , five minutes late for court already . " I 've got to go , " I said . " I 'm late for court . I suppose I 'll see you around ? " " Sure , " he said , and held out his hand . His outstretched hand struck me as both funny and sad . After everything - a handshake and goodbye . He took my hand , but then didn 't let go , and pulled me closer . He shook his head in a familiar way , as if amused , and then lifted me up and kissed me , right in the middle of the courthouse courtyard . I stood immobilized as Doug stooped and picked up the box he had been carrying . He backed away from me a few steps , lifted the box to his shoulder , and began walking away . When he was halfway across the courtyard , I snapped out of my trance . " Hey ! " I shouted . I opened Moezy 's door . I saw Natalie see me , and thinking that I hadn 't seen her yet , she quickly put out the cigarette she had been smoking and pushed the ashtray away . She was sitting with two other male law students - they all looked young and fresh . It was strange to think that they probably thought of me as an older lawyer . I sat down and shook their hands . Pam came over and put a beer down in front of me . " Hey , Kate . Haven 't seen you down here lately . " " You think so ? It 's just the first place I found - I 've always thought of it as temporary - but I guess four years is a little long for temporary . I 've actually been looking for a house to buy . Maybe one of you could take over my lease here ? " " I hadn 't heard about the opening , " I said . " I 'm kinda out of the loop on things like that . Are you going to apply ? " I asked . I hesitated . If I could do it all over , would I become a public defender ? Or would I choose the something safer , something more lucrative , like Conatox ? Trial work could be exhilarating and exhausting . You were the realest lawyer in practice , but the public treated you like an unemployable pariah . And the pay sucked . Faces flashed through my memory : Mr . Roberts , Bradley , Judge Piddle , Doug , Emily Knight , Kelly Campbell , Nate Bridges , Mark Holland . Would I do this all over again ? I remembered getting the verdict in Mark 's trial , the words " Not Guilty " echoing through the courtroom , Mark and his family hugging me . The three interns were waiting for my answer , the silence stretching too long . " Should you apply for the job ? " I looked at Natalie 's earnest face . " Absolutely . I 'm not going to tell you it 's easy , but it 's the best job there is . If you can survive it . And even if you can 't take it forever , you 'll end up with some pretty good stories to tell . " I wore my hair in a pony tail for the first day of Mark 's trial . Friendly , but professional , I thought . I put on my glasses . My vision needed only slight correction , and I rarely bothered to wear them . Maybe they would make me look smarter . On second thought , I felt like the glasses would be a barrier between my eyes and the jurors ' . I took the glasses off . I didn 't want anything to block my connection with the jury , not even a plastic lens . I considered lipstick , deciding on a fresh rose color , no gloss . Suddenly , I realized that Mark 's trial would begin in an hour , and I was thinking about my hair and lip color . My hands started to shake and I dropped the lipstick on the floor . I bent over and grabbed the edges of the sink . I took three deep breaths . " Hold it together , Kate , " I said out loud . I stood up , brushed my teeth , and applied my lipstick . I met Mark and his family outside the courtroom . We were thirty minutes early , but I wanted to make sure I controlled the seating . Mark was dressed neatly in khaki pants that hung loosely on his thin frame and a bright blue button - down shirt . He tried to smile casually , but the red blotches on his cheeks betrayed his anxiety . Because she was the newest judge , Judge Peterson 's courtroom was the smallest in the building . The lawyer portion of the room held only one long counsel table , rather than two . I placed Mark at the end of the table closest to the jury . When Frank and Smoot arrived , Smoot crammed so close to me that he could read my notes . I felt like covering my legal pad with my hand , but realized how juvenile this would appear . Because this was a serious case , I had numerous motions in limine , and I had prepared them all in writing . I had seen Frank in trial before , and he was more obnoxious in front of a jury than he was in person . His style was inflammatory ; he exaggerated everything . His incendiary language was so constant , in fact , that I didn 't think he knew any other style . As soon as I started my motions in limine , Frank 's posturing began . The first , and most important , motion I made was that Frank be prohibited from making inflammatory statements . It was well - settled law that prosecutors were not to make outrageous or inflammatory statements , the theory being that these sorts of statements appealed to prejudice and emotion , rather than reason . I wouldn 't usually make this motion , preferring to object at the time the prosecutor made the inflammatory statement . This way , the judge would admonish the prosecutor in front of the jury . Really , though , most prosecutors didn 't go too far . In general , they knew where the line was , and would approach it without crossing it . Not Frank . I had seen Frank in trial before . His emotional presentation ranged from indignation to outrage . Thus , I asked the court to prohibit him from making inflammatory statements or arguments . Frank stood up in response to my motion , indignant . " This certainly offends me , Judge . How can I know what she 's talking about - inflammatory language ? If she thinks I am going to say something wrong , then she needs to tell us what that is . Otherwise , it 's just pure speculation ! " " I can 't read Ms . Hamilton 's mind either , Judge , so I can 't know what I 'm not supposed to say , until she tells me what I 'm going to say . To me , this just seems like a lot of legal obfuscation on Ms . Hamilton 's part . It 's an underhanded effort to draw attention away from what this young man did . " He turned and pointed at Mark . " That this young man mowed down a little old man in an intersection ! " The rest of the motions continued in this vein . Frank didn 't have any of his own motions prepared , so his only strategy was to attack mine . During the course of my 20 motions , he claimed that I was not only obfuscating , but also badgering , hiding the ball , turning the tables , and committing unethical acts on behalf of my client . He used the phrase " ran down a little old man in the intersection " three times . After the judge had ruled on all of my motions , I had made little headway . I felt like I had been in a fist fight with both Frank and the judge . I had all my motions typed , with legal authority listed , and copies of the cases attached . Frank had nothing but gray hair and overconfident posturing . He won almost every issue , even when the law was clearly on my side . I started to wonder why the judge couldn 't tell that Frank was completely without substance . I could , but maybe I was crazy . Maybe I was the one who didn 't know what I was doing ? As I gathered up my notebooks and legal pads , I noticed a tall lawyer in an understated gray suit sitting in the back of the courtroom . It was Phil Newman , the man widely acknowledged as the best criminal defense lawyer in the state . I wondered what he was doing here . I didn 't know him , but it wasn 't unusual for lawyers to watch parts of trials . Mr . Newman stood up and walked over to me . He was probably going to tell me what a bad job I was doing . " Yes , Sir … I mean Mr . Newman … I mean , Phil , " I said , oddly flustered . " I promise to do my absolute best . " After the recess , it was time for voir dire . We all sat tightly squeezed together at the small counsel table . Detective Smoot 's gun holster pressed against my thigh . I hoped the gun didn 't have a hair trigger . We stood up and turned to face the doors to the courtroom as the potential jurors filed in . I scanned their faces , trying to see something in these people who would sit in judgment on Mark and , ultimately , me . I was trying to see the back of the group , when I saw a face at the front of the line that made me smile . It was Jimmy , Judge Black 's bailiff , who had recently retired . While it was nice to see a friendly face , I knew he would be kicked off the panel as soon as Frank used his first peremptory challenge . Neither Frank nor I asked Jimmy any questions during voir dire . Jimmy didn 't volunteer any information , probably thinking that we should hurry up and bump him so that he could get out on the golf course . When the judge asked if anyone had heard of this case , Jimmy didn 't say anything , even though I know he had heard about the whole public - defender - goes - to - jail thing . Jimmy was always up on courthouse gossip . I figured he knew he would be bumped , and thus didn 't feel it was necessary to volunteer any information . When the voir dire questioning had been completed , the judge 's bailiff handed the strike sheet back and forth between Frank and me . Ever since Nate 's trial , I had become obsessive about keeping track of the jurors being bumped . Jimmy was in the first 12 , seated in the actual jury box , so I figured he 'd go early . However , after our first three rounds of strikes , Jimmy was still on the panel . Maybe Frank was trying to trick me into striking Jimmy myself . I started to wonder if Frank was going to strike Jimmy at all . When we reached the last peremptory strike , I peeked over at Frank 's paper and saw that Frank was using his last strike to bump a young woman in the back . I couldn 't believe it . Jimmy was going to be on the jury . Since Jimmy was seated in the actual jury box , he would soon realize that he would be a juror on Mark 's case . Jurors who were seated in the box and had been stricken would be called by the judge and excused to make room for the jurors who would be replacing them . Jurors who were in the box , but had not been stricken , would simply remain seated . Jimmy had seen this process a million times . I watched Jimmy carefully . The judge excused four jurors from the box , and started calling jurors from the pews to fill in the chairs for the people who had been bumped . I looked at him , waiting for the moment when he realized he would not be excused . I saw a funny look come over his face . He turned and looked directly at me . I met his eyes and I shrugged my shoulders ever - so slightly . He raised his eyebrows and shrugged back . I felt as if I had won the lottery . Jimmy would never vote to convict Mark , no matter what the other crazy jurors thought . I turned to Mark . " I don 't know if we are going to win this case or not , " I whispered in his ear , " but we are not going to lose . " Frank 's opening statement was predictable , dramatic , and repetitive . Frank had missed his calling as a televangelist . He had as much drama and as little substance . I worried , though , because people fell for televangelists and sent them money . Because the courtroom was so small , Frank stood directly in front of me to deliver his opening . I was forced to stair at his large ass while he delivered his remarks . My only escape from the sight was to look down at my notepad , but I didn 't like the message that that sent to the jurors . " Good afternoon , ladies and gentlemen of the jury . My name is Frank Pukitis , and I represent the State of Washington . We are here today because a heinous crime has been committed . The evidence will show that Mark Holland , the defendant , got in his car , a Mustang , and drove it like a bat out of hell . He turned his mustang into a weapon , and with it , caused the death of an innocent man . " Instead of shouting and gesticulating in my opening , I laid out my theory of the case , gave the details , and told the jurors why Mark was innocent . I had practiced the opening several times in my bathroom , and the practice paid off . When I got to the part about Mr . Smith dying not from the accident , but from peritonitis , Jimmy actually rolled his eyes . At the end of my opening , I had a sudden inspiration . I had already finished my presentation , and was walking back toward the counsel table . I turned back around to face the jury . " One other thing , " I said quietly . " Watch for exaggeration . Because when a lawyer exaggerates , it means he doesn 't have a case . " I wanted to laugh out loud , I was so pleased with myself . Because I knew Frank couldn 't help it . He would exaggerate as always , and the jurors would be watching for it . CHAPTER SIXTY - SIX Frank 's first witness was Mr . Smith 's wife , who had been a passenger in the car . Mrs . Smith didn 't have anything factual to add to the case - she had been working a crossword puzzle when the accident occurred . She didn 't remember anything about the accident except waking up in the hospital . By calling her as a witness , though , Frank could ask her about the Smiths ' 50 - year marriage , their children , and grandchildren . As long as he kept the family part short , I couldn 't object , because the jurors would think I was callous for objecting to the question , " How long were you married ? " I could feel the jurors staring at Mark , the teenager who had taken Mrs . Smith 's husband away . Next , Frank called Officer Moon , the patrol officer who first arrived at the accident scene . Officer Moon testified that he arrived at about the same time as the ambulance . He took pictures of the accident scene , and then called for a back - up officer . He talked briefly to Mark , who Moon described as crying and upset . I only had a few points to make with my cross - examination . I needed to emphasize how little time he had spent at the scene . He was relatively inexperienced , though , so I figured it would be a struggle . Inexperienced officers wanted to argue about everything . " I immediately checked on the people involved in the wreck . Mr . Smith was still in his car . I had no idea as to the extent of his injuries . Dispatch had already called for an ambulance , which arrived minutes after I did . " " When you measure skid marks , you mark the beginning and end of the skid with bright chalk or fluorescent spray paint . That way you can show in the photographs exactly where you started and stopped measuring . You also indicate any other important reference points - the point of impact , pieces of debris , and things like that . " I paused . I didn 't remember any chalk marks in the police photographs . I found my notebook that contained all of the photographs and quickly found the accident photos . Officer Finley testified next . He said that he received a call from dispatch , responded to the scene , and quickly and accurately measured the skid marks and street . He said that based on his calculations , Mark was traveling between 56 and 65 miles per hour . " It 's a system of measurement that we use in vehicular homicide cases . It is highly accurate . We can measure every square inch of the crime with a high degree of accuracy . " " At the time , the accident didn 't appear that serious . Mr . Smith suffered from some bruising and an abrasion on his head . He appeared bumped up , but not gravely injured . " At the end of the second day , Detective Smoot testified . He wore tan jeans , a button - down plaid shirt and a brown sports jacket . He testified that the case was not referred to him until after Mr . Smith passed away , 10 days after the accident . He said that he went to the accident scene that same day , to get a first - hand view of the intersection . When asked , he said that the skid marks were still plainly visible 10 days after the accident . He took no additional measurements or photographs , however . When asked why not , he shifted in his chair a little , and said that the initial measurements were sufficient . On the third day of the trial , Dr . Robinson , the state 's pathologist , testified . I knew what Frank was going to try to accomplish with her . He was going to have her testify as an expert about a legal conclusion , rather than a medical conclusion . I had tried to prevent this testimony with motions in limine . I was unsuccessful . As the pathologist , Dr . Robinson could give her opinion about the cause of death . However , this was supposed to be a medical opinion , like , say , the cause of death was a subdural hematoma resulting from blunt trauma to the head . Or , in this case , the cause of death was peritonitis from an unknown source . Frank had a different plan . Dr . Robinson testified in a straight - forward fashion , as always . She testified that Mr . Smith was frail , but healthy . In her opinion , the injuries from the accident had not been severe . She said that the emergency - room doctors had seen a huge hernia on the x - ray , and assumed that it had been caused by the accident . Consequently , the ER doctors had performed emergency exploratory surgery . She explained that the site of the surgery somehow became infected , and that Mr . Smith died 10 days later from peritonitis . " I have listed the cause of death as traffic - related . Peritonitis ultimately killed Mr . Smith . But for the accident , however , he would not have died . " " Let 's say that Mr . Smith was in a light traffic accident , broke his finger , and went to the emergency room . In the emergency room , he contracted Necrotizing Fasciitis , the flesh - eating bacteria , and later died from that . Would the accident be the proximate cause of his death ? " " Well let 's say that Mr . Smith was in the same light traffic accident , went to the hospital for his broken finger , but it just so happened that at the same time police had brought a deranged lunatic into the emergency room . The lunatic pulls out a knife and stabs Mr . Smith , killing him instantly . Would the traffic accident be the cause of death ? " " Um … " I couldn 't remember what the poorly - phrased question had been , but I was confused by the faint memory of it . " Let me try that again : Just because an accident causes a person to be in the hospital , and then the person later dies in the hospital , it doesn 't necessarily follow that the accident caused the death ? " I called Dr . Rudolph as my first witness . I had been trying to get in touch with him to go over his testimony , but he hadn 't returned my calls . He was an intelligent man though , and telling the truth , so I wasn 't especially worried . I ended the day with Dr . Rudolph . I thought I had made my points with him , but I was angry at myself for not handling him better . I should have had a witness with me when I initially interviewed him . I would have given anything for the jury to hear his statement , " I sure as hell think you 'd check before you go hacking away at someone . " What a rookie mistake . I cursed myself as I walked back to the office . CHAPTER SIXTY - EIGHT Bill picked up the notebook with the police photos of the accident scene . He flipped through the notebook as I took off my jacket and kicked off my shoes . " Looks like photos from an accident scene , " he said . I looked at the picture . It showed two long black marks on the roadway . I had no idea how long they looked . " They 're gone now , " I said dismissively . " There 's no way to measure them now . " I considered asking Bill to leave so I could work on trial preparation for tomorrow . I looked at the notebooks stacked on my chair . Who was I kidding ? I was too tired to do anything . " I think I 'm going to go home , " I said . " I 'm too tired to work on this tonight . I 'll see you tomorrow . " I carried my briefcase and trial preparation notebook up the back stairs to my apartment . When I opened the door , I took in the living room , as if I had never seen it before . An old newspaper covered the couch , and a couple of empty Shiner Bock bottles and a pile of unpaid parking tickets sat on the coffee table , but the room seemed strangely empty , like no one lived there . I sat up straight in my bed , jolted out of sleep by a dream . The only image from the dream that remained was Doug 's face . He was saying , " Something sounds fishy … " The skid marks . That 's what Frank and Smoot were talking about the day Doug overheard them . There was something fishy about the skid marks . We had to check the measurements . But how ? The marks had faded from the street long ago . I found my briefcase by the door , where I had left it when I got home last night . I searched through it , and finally dumped the contents on the floor . Buried in the mess , I finally found Hank 's card . I dialed the number . The sun had risen when I parked at the intersection where the accident had happened . Hank was already there , smoking a cigarette as he stared at the road . " You 've got the pictures ? " Hank pulled a magnifying glass out of his pocket and examined the picture . He held it up and compared to the sidewalk . " I don 't think the sidewalk has been re - done . Look , here around the curb where it 's all chewed up - that 's the same . And here , these cracks in the sidewalk - they 're the same too . " I looked again at the photograph of the skid mark . The sidewalk in the picture had a few distinctive features - a wiggly crack in the corner of the 3rd square , a chewed - up portion of curb , a buckle in one of the sections from a tree root . The sidewalk looked almost exactly the same now as it had when the picture was taken . " We can figure out the starting point of the skid marks - using their pictures and the cracks in the sidewalk . " He showed me the picture . " Look , here 's the curve of the curb from the intersection , and then here 's the cracks . One , two , three , four . In this picture , you can tell that the skid marks start at crack number nine . " " We can figure that out mathematically within a couple of feet . Mark 's car was in his lane before the accident . So was Mr . Smith 's . Therefore , the cars intersected where the lanes meet . Mark 's car hit Mr . Smith on the side , so the side of Mr . Smith 's car had to be a couple of feet from the centerline . " I took the wheel . I looked at the photograph and found the crack in the sidewalk where the skid mark had started . I started two feet farther back , just to be generous . I wheeled to the spot in the intersection where the accident occurred . Sixty - eight feet . " But I started two feet back from the forth crack , to give it a margin of error . " He went to the trunk of his car and retrieved a very large tape measurer . He held one end while I pulled the other to the point of impact . Still the same . " They seem a little invested in this whole thing to just dismiss it . On the other hand , what can they do ? I guess they could say that our measurements are wrong . But we can prove we are right . Their own photo shows it . It 's obvious to even an English major like me . " " If there is any way to spare Mark from any more trial stress , I 'd like to do it , " I said . " On the other hand , the element of surprise can be very powerful . " I remembered Mr . Roberts ' leg and hand from my first trial . " I guess the main thing comes down to : If I tell them , can they fix it ? And I don 't see how they can . Those skid marks were 68 feet long , and Mark was going around 40 - still speeding , but like everyone else on that road , every day . " " Let 's tell them , " I said , deciding . " They 'll see they made a mistake and need to dismiss the case . We 'll bring them out here if we need to . " " Hank says the skid mark measurements are off . By a lot . And he can prove it . " I don 't know what I expected from Frank , surprise , anger , frustration - but it wasn 't the response that I got . " Yes , he is , " I explained eagerly . " I went out there myself , counted the cracks in the sidewalk . You can tell pretty easily , really . The initial measurements were just wrong . Do you want to come out there with me ? I can show you . " " No , no , no , Kate . " He actually wagged his finger under my nose . " You have to turn in all of your exhibits two weeks prior to trial . " " I thought so , too . I certainly wish we had discovered this earlier . It just didn 't occur to us that the state could be so inept . " Frank looked ready to punch me . I hoped he did . " Your honor , Miss Hamilton is well aware that all exhibits must be submitted to the court two weeks in advance . " " And justice ? Not to mention fairness ? Aren 't those concepts supposed to fit in somewhere ? An innocent 19 - year - old boy may go to prison , but thank heaven we didn 't violate the two - week exhibit rule . " I picked up the rule book from the judge 's desk and turned to a page number I had memorized in anticipation of this battle . " Under rule 3 . 7 , the jurors may view the scene of an incident if the court finds that a viewing ' will substantially assist the trier of fact . ' Judge , if you just give me a chance , I can show these jurors that the skid marks in this case were completely mis - measured , and that my client is innocent . It 's not an exhibit , it 's just reality . " I managed to get the court administrator 's office to allow us to borrow a van to transport the jurors . The jurors themselves seemed like grade - school kids on a field trip . They were excited to see the accident scene themselves rather than having lawyers and police tell them about it . I was actually grateful that the judge had not allowed me to use the exhibits . It is one thing to show people pictures of a road with skid marks and to prove by landmarks that the skid marks that are half as long as the state claims . It is quite another to have the jurors go to the scene , look at the pictures , and then make the measurements themselves . Jurors love to figure things out themselves . We returned to the courtroom after the field trip . I wondered how Frank was going to handle this new evidence . I speculated that he would say that the sidewalk had changed , although it hadn 't , or something - I really couldn 't imagine . Frank called Officer Moon back as a rebuttal witness . He showed him the picture of the skid marks . The picture that he himself had taken less than 10 minutes after the accident . " The first thing I did was accurately measure the skid marks , from the starting point to the point of impact . Not all skid marks will be visible in a photograph . Sometimes you have to get on your hands and knees to actually see the marks . " " Yes it is . I measured the skid marks , and they were 117 feet long . If they are shorter in the picture it is simply because the picture does not show the entire skid mark . " This was a strategy I had not imagined . Some fifty feet of skid had simply disappeared - poof ! And despite the fact that it was their photograph that they took , it simply did not show what Officer Moon saw at the time . And despite the fact that these 50 feet of skid had vanished , a noteworthy event , one would think , no one had mentioned that fact until this day . In fact , the picture that they took did not even show the portion of the roadway where the skids would have started had they been as long as Officer Moon claimed . " In fact , your agency has a policy of not stopping people for speeding unless they are going more than 5 miles per hour over the speed limit ? " A patrol cop had told me this a week ago when he pulled me over for going six miles per hour over the limit . He gave me a warning . " Thank you , Officer Moon . " I took my copy of the skid mark photograph and walked to the witness stand . " I want to make sure I understand your testimony . Are you saying that your picture simply does not show the entire skid mark ? " I resisted the urge to say , " Yes , the part we can see , rather than the part the fairies took away . " Sarcasm misfired too easily with jurors . " Yes , the skid mark in your picture - that is , the non - invisible part . Would you agree it is 68 feet long ? " " I know you say that . What I 'm asking you to do for a second is pretend that the skid mark in the picture is all there is . No invisible part . OK ? " " Um , just a second . He tapped on his calculator , paused , made a note , and tapped a few more keys . " High 30s to mid 40s . " " I can 't imagine that . I can 't believe that anyone would just make up facts to make an innocent kid guilty . I can 't live in that world . But it 's just as bad to be so invested in your position that you can 't admit you made a mistake . " I hoped Frank would give up . He seemed to recognize that he had lost . Maybe he would dismiss the case before closing argument , I fantasized . Instead , Frank was as dramatic and self righteous in his closing as he had been throughout the trial . The jury wasn 't with him , though . At least half of them had their arms crossed and leaned back as far as they could , as if hoping to put more space between themselves and Frank . I refused to listen to Frank 's closing argument . I loathed him by this point - I couldn 't bear to allow his words into my brain . I was also physically and emotionally exhausted . I knew I should listen so I could make objections , but I didn 't think anything mattered at this point . " Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury , I 'll tell you what Mark did , " I accidentally heard Frank say . " He turned that car into a gun , " he said , holding his thumb and finger in the universal " gun " gesture , " and he , " Frank turned to face Mark , pointing his finger gun at him , " pulled the trigger ! " And he pulled his thumb back twice . Oh my God , someone murdered the old man ! I probably should have stopped Frank , but his drama was utterly ridiculous . I thought the jury would know it . I hoped they would hate him for it . We concluded the trial at 5 : 30 on Friday . Judge Peterson released the jurors for the weekend , instructing them to return promptly at 9 : 00 on Monday morning to begin deliberations . The fact that Jimmy was on the jury kept me sane over the weekend . On Monday morning , I sat down at my desk at exactly 9 : 00 . I thought the verdict would be quick . At 9 : 01 , I checked my messages . No one had called . I started to pick up the phone to call another client , but then hung up , realizing that I needed to keep the line open . At 9 : 03 , my mother called . " Nothing yet , gotta go . Want to keep the line open . " At 9 : 06 , I started to worry . What was taking them so long ? It really had been an old - fashioned ass kicking , as far as I was concerned . What if they took an hour ? What if they took all day ? It was 9 : 07 and I was starting to lose it . I forced myself to leave my office and walk laps through the hallways . Mark and his family were waiting in the hallway outside Judge Peterson 's courtroom . His mother let out a little shriek when she saw me coming up the stairs . " Is it … ? " The jurors filed in . I saw Jimmy holding the verdict form . He looked straight at Mark and me , a good sign , but I didn 't want to jinx anything with too much optimism . I took a breath and tried to clear my mind . I looked at Mark and saw tears welled in his eyes . I forced my mind to imagine myself french kissing Frank in order to beat back my own tears . I waited until all the jurors were in their places , and then looked over at them . Most made eye contact with me . " Good job , Kid , " Jimmy said after the judge released the jurors , and snuck off , probably not wanting to talk to Frank . The rest of the jurors stopped and shook hands with Mark and his father , as if guests in a bridal reception line . They all wished him well , and said they were sorry he had to go through all of this . I was floating on a cloud of pure euphoria . We here at PDR are aware of our ethical duties to our clients and to the court . The purpose of this blog is to promote public - defender reform and public - defender unity . By necessity , some judges and institutions will be criticized , in an effort to expose a valid problem . While some stories may seem personal or incidental , they are all offered as example , allegory , or metaphor to highlight a need for reform in the criminal justice system . Stories involving clients are " truthy " - - that is , they are usually built around one historical happening , but then names , appearances , and other facts are changed to make the particular client unidentifiable . Other anecdotes are " truthy " as well ; the stories I tell are representative in order to make a point , rather than to portray historic accuracy . If a more recent case is discussed , facts are relegated to ones in public records ; or , if personal details from a client are revealed , the representation is concluded and we have obtained a signed waiver . We are careful , not stupid , and not afraid .
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I don 't even know where to begin . It 's been so long since I 've written anything meaningful . But writing has always been therapeutic for me , perhaps because it 's a way of releasing creativity and emotion at the same time . So let me start with the musical . Six weeks ago I was asked to play the piano for the school musical . The school musical is no small thing . I knew this because I had played for Seven Brides for Seven Brothers three years ago . The students , teachers and community volunteers put in from 80 to 100 hours , or even more in some cases , in a six week period to put on the production . At the time , I had a nursing baby and many other young children , and just the babysitting alone cost me over $ 500 over the course of the rehearsals and performances . Although it was incredibly rewarding , I had had no idea of the toil and time that would be involved and I told myself I would never do it again . Fast forward three years . I was in my kitchen , peacefully going about my business when I received a frantic phone call that the pianist who can committed to play for the musical had suddenly bailed at the last minute , and was there any way I could come that afternoon and fill in until they could find someone else . I went to the school , and as I sat there at the piano , I knew I had to do this . Two of my kids were in the play , various women with no children in the school were helping , and so why couldn 't I ? My little boys were old enough to sit during the rehearsals and do their homework and play some games on our electronic devices , so yes , I would do it ! I went home and told John what had happened . I reminded him of the sacrifice our family would be making : floors unswept , dishes undone , frantic simple dinners prepared , little time for anything else but the musical for the next six weeks . The dear man readily agreed to support me . Things were going well for the first week . I began to bond with the music director in a way we hadn 't before , which was rewarding , and I was enjoying getting to know the students . The little boys behaved unbelievably well during the rehearsals and I just knew I was going to have the time of my life for the next six weeks , working with my two teenagers , getting to know people I hadn 't before , and creating something amazing , that evokes emotion for hundreds of people , out of nothing . At the beginning of the next week , however , something happened that would drastically change everything . I was cleaning up lunch and I suddenly realized I had not had my monthly telltale sign . I was a week late . I had been so busy at the school , I hadn 't even noticed . Since I stock dozens of pregnancy tests I buy from the Dollar Store for the local women , I flippantly decided I 'd just go take a test after I clean the kitchen . I probably had the date wrong . I hadn 't gotten pregnant for three years . Why would I be so now ? The minute after these thoughts went through my mind , my heart suddenly started pounding and I knew , I knew , that I was pregnant . I gave Baby Hippo his device that he gets to play for a few minutes before naptime ( By the way , he will no long go by Baby Hippo , as he is now five years old , and a normal weight . He will henceforth by known as the 5 - year - old boy ) . and quickly went to the bathroom with test in hand . I laid it on the counter when I was finished , then went to put a log of wood on the fire , because I love to take a nap in the winter with a small fire going in the fireplace by my bed . When I went back to the counter , there were two lines on the test . My heart seemed to seize and leap at the same time , so various were the emotions I felt as I saw those two lines . Then I looked at the box again , because I momentarily couldn 't remember what two lines meant , although I did know , I just couldn 't believe it . I was pregnant . For the twelve time . Ironically , just the week before , I had had two friends over who wanted to learn to make bread . One of them had a baby , and as I watched her struggle with him , I told them both , " Every time I 'm around someone with a baby , I feel soooo glad I don 't have a baby . " That being said , a rush of gratitude came into my heart and I immediately knelt down in front of the fire place where it was so warm , and thanked God for the blessing he had given me , the chance to have another child , to be the mother and guardian of eleven beautiful spirits . I was ecstatic . I didn 't know how or when I would tell John , though . We had lost two babies three and a half and three years ago , both at seven weeks , so I wasn 't sure this one would stay . Should I wait to tell him or should I have him involved from the very beginning ? The choice would be made for me the next day . John and I needed to do some shopping at the border town three hours away , so we loaded the kids up and began the journey . While we were driving , John began a conversation we had started a while ago and about what kind of vehicle we were going to purchase . Our fifteen passenger van was on its last leg and we had said that when the 18 - year - old boy left for his mission , we would get an eight - passenger SUV , which , by the way , is so much cooler than a 15 - passenger van . John asked if this was still the plan . It all of a sudden occurred to me that this could no longer be the plan . I said , " Um . Well . That 's really not going to work for us now . " His quick mind immediately grasped my meaning and asked , " Are you pregnant ? ? ? " " Yes ! " I said . He then went into John mode , saying , " Okay . at the auctions my uncle has been telling me about , you can get a 15 - passenger van for about $ 11 , 000 . " He went on in this vein until I finally asked , " Well , are you happy ? " He said , " Yes ! Of course ! And I hope it 's twins ! " I was so happy . There is so much more I want to tell you . I want to tell you how I told my mom . I want to share more feelings with you . But there is just too much to write . But the next part I must tell you . I am not going to take the time to write it out like I would have had I known I would be posting it to this blog , but I 'm going to copy the letter I wrote to the 18 - year - old boy on his mission . It was figuratively scrawled out quickly between answering the door , taking phone calls , answering emails , and responding to countless Facebook messages and comments , all while trying to process all that had happened on our way home from the border town . Here is the letter and accompanying photos . . . . . So , on Saturday we had to go to El Paso to watch Landon play a game against Cathedral , which is the all - boy Catholic school . It was also the twins ' birthday , so we decided to take them to the zoo and shopping for presents . The boys lost pathetically , only scoring like 14 points , but Landon made like 5 of them or so ! Can you believe it ? It was pretty awesome . But Bro , Hatch saw that I wasn 't watching the game and that I missed seeing one of Landon 's shots , so he sent his grandson , Caleb , over to me to tell me that I needed to stop gossiping with Cade and watch my son play ! I think Bro . Hatch just needs to worry about coaching his team . So anyways , we took the kids to the zoo and shopping and eventually loaded up the van to go home . I had also bought a new laptop , had a huge number of oils in a bag from the mail , and John had purchased many things , including 8 wheels for work , a BlueRay DVD player and $ 600 worth of groceries . So we got a late start heading home . It got dark quickly , which we don 't like , but we just couldn 't get things done on time . It 's about 7 : 00 by this time and we 're cruising along at about 70 MPH , which is our normal speed . Cars are oncoming and some have their brights on , so it 's hard to see . All of sudden , just as a car is about to pass us , I see the silhouette of two huge cows exactly in our lane in front of us . I say silhouette because we couldn 't see them with our headlights because we were somewhat blinded by the oncoming traffic . So I scream , " THERE ' S A COW ! ! ! ! " And the split second later , we hit it going about 70 MPH . I didn 't see it hit our windshield , but I heard the sickening sound of metal and glass crunching and then we were stopped and my glasses were down around my chin . ( I would later learn that it was the airbag that had knocked down my glasses , although I never saw or felt it . ) It was all so fast . I put my glasses back on and turned around and said , " Is everyone okay ? " Some of the kids started crying , but before I could see if everyone was all right , John yelled , " EVERYONE GET OUT OF THE VAN ! ! ! NOW ! ! NOW ! ! ! " I didn 't know why . I didn 't know if we were about to get hit by someone else going 70 MPH or if the van was going to explode or what , but I jumped out as fast as I could . Claire had the presence of mind to get Daniel unbuckled and all of the kids jumped out at the same time . Johnny was crying and his lip was bleeding and swollen to the size of a small sausage . I told the kids to get far away from the road , to follow me , but Claire was just standing there . I said , " Claire , come on ! " She said , " Mom , I don 't have my shoes on ! " And I told her to just run anyway , that the van was going to explode . She said tWe were probably sitting there for about ten minutes watching John trying to put the fire out , but then he came up to us and said that he couldn 't get the fire out and that the van was probably going to blow , so we should move very far away . So I picked up Claire again , and we ran about a football field 's length away . We sat there , the kids sitting on my lap , and Claire standing , and watched our van become engulfed in flames . Claire cried as we watched it burn , saying it was just so disturbing and upsetting to see our van in flames that way . There was a series of explosions as each tire blew , the battery , the gas tank , but no one was hurt . Many emergency vehicles started showing up , Federales , municipales , bomberos and ambulances . Everyone was so kind to us . One of the Federales took off his coat and put it on Daniel . A random driver waiting for the van to burn so he could pass through gave me his jacket . The ambulance drivers gave us many blankets and more coats . I kept looking at the van , watching it burn , thinking how amazing it was that all of us survived . The thoughts would come into my mind about all the stuff I was watching burn , my purse , with the pass cards in it , my lap top , the new lap top I just bought , my iPhone , iPod , iPad , all of our food , the music for the musical , which costs $ 300 to replace , but I just kept saying to myself , It 's okay . It all can be replaced . All of us are okay , and it 's a miracle . Then , what to my surprise , Landon and some of his friends from the basketball team walk up to us . Apparently they had been a few cars behind , just stuck in traffic , waiting for the firemen to put the fire out and let them clear . They were quite annoyed with whatever " stupid driver left his van to just burn in the middle of the road . " They were teasing Landon , " Yeah , Dude ! That 's probably your van ! hahahah ! " Well , after the flames got put out , the bus driver decided to let them go see the wreckage , and then one of the boys said , " Dude Landon ! That 's your dad ! " John saw Landon at the same time and wavedWe were so lucky and so blessed and we certainly have a new perspective on life . Things could have ended so differently . The Lord is good . As you can well imagine , dealing with the aftermath of this accident was an emotional challenge . And for John , it was a physical challenge as well , as his shins endured severe abrasions , bruising and swelling , as they took the brunt of the collapse of the front dash . We had trouble sleeping for many nights and we wondered if our new baby , the size of a sesame seed , had survived the ordeal . I knew that I would know in a matter of time , so I choose not to see the doctor at this time . When I returned to play practice , I told the music director that I had discovered I was pregnant a few days before and her face showed immediate concern . She is a mother of seven grown boys , and knows how difficult early pregnancy can be . She became even more concerned when I told her of my previous miscarriages . She worried that I might go through a miscarriage during the six - week rehearsal period . She felt like maybe she should find someone else . I told her no , that I would be okay . I knew how to handle my morning sickness and if I did lose the baby , I would bounce back quickly . She agreed to have me continue to assist her . This second week of practice , everything went fine , until Saturday night . Right before turning into bed , I saw pink blood . I audibly gasped and felt immediate devastation . I came out of the bathroom and told John . His face fell and he hugged me and said how sorry he was . I asked him for a priesthood blessing and after he gave me one , we were both comforted . I waited for the heavy bleeding and the cramping to come , but it never did . Nothing else happened . No more blood . No cramping . Of course I pored over articles on the internet to try to find out what it all meant , I talked to other moms and I prayed . The advice I latched onto was that I needed rest . This is not something I 'm good at , but I wanted so much to keep this baby , so I asked John to go to the house of the lady who sometimes helps us , Esther , and ask if she could come for a couple of hours every day to help with the cleaning until we could find out what I knew immediately what I must do . My normal inclination would have been to leave the doctor 's office and let the baby come when it would . I knew my doctor wouldn 't like that idea , but it is what I would have done . I would have scheduled the D & C , then called back later to cancel it and let my baby come in its own due time . But the musical was in three days . What if she started to come during one of the performances ? I could make preparations for the blood , but could I deal with the pain ? No , I could not . Not during three - hour performances where I would need every once of concentration . So I went to John 's office . I called him from the parking lot and asked him if this was a good time for me to come up . He sounded so happy to know that I was there , and said of course it was . I picked up the ultrasound picture that said " Bebe aborto " and the list of doctor 's instructions in Spanish , and went up the stairs . He immediately saw the ultrasound picture in my hand and concern spread across his face . This was the first time I had ever been to visit him randomly in his office . I told him that the baby didn 't make it . His face fell . He came over to the side of his desk where I was and hugged me . He didn 't say anything for a while , and then he said he was sorry . I said I was sorry to . So I made the appointment for the D & C for that night . And I didn 't call later to cancel it . I had left play practice for my appointment , and when I came back , and began playing the piano , the music director looked at me with concern , and asked if everything went okay . I was playing the piano , and there were many students in the vicinity , so I just smiled and nodded . After my song was over , I sat down next to her and didn 't say anything . She then turned to me again , and said , " So everything is okay ? Everything went okay ? " Then I told her the truth . I had to repeat myself because she had a hard time processing it . I told her that I would go get the D & C that evening and that I would be back for rehearsal the next day . By this time we were having six hour rehearsals every day . She looked at me aghast and said that under no circumstances was I to come back the next day , that if I really wanted to do what was right and be there for the kids , that I would make sure I was healthy for the actual performances . She said that missing practices was not a big deal , but being too sick to perform because I hadn 't recovered correctly would be much worse . I finally agreed . I then walked across campus to where the 14 - year - old boy was playing a football game . Everyone in town was there , or so it seemed , people who I hadn 't seen for a week or two , and everyone asked , with a cheerful smile , how my pregnancy was going . If they asked in front of many people , I lied and said everything was fine . And this is not me . I loathe lying . I try never to do it , but I didn 't know what else to do . Finally someone asked me privately , and I told her the truth . I then went to find one of my best friends , who was selling concessions for the booster club , and pulled her aside and told her . Other people came up to me randomly , and asked how my pregnancy was going , and if there were many people around , I lied again , and if we were in private , I told them the truth . It was excruciating . My baby was lying dead inside me and I was having to look into the eyeWhen I arrived at the hospital , John was already there with a calming smile on his face . I was assigned a bed and the tech came in and began prepping me for the procedure . He attempted to put a needle in my vein to get blood for lab work , then to attach the IV , but he didn 't succeed the first time . If at first you don 't succeed , try , try again . And he did . John was sitting on the sofa bed beside mine watching . After he attached the vile that was to go to the lab to the needle , filled it up , then removed it , apparently he had made no plan to stop my blood from continuing to flow once the vile was removed . So my blood began forcefully pumping out of the back of my hand onto the floor . It was pumping in spurts . I watched in fascination , thinking , " There is all my blood , going down onto the floor . " He became flustered when he realized what was happening and quickly asked John to come and help him . John got up , took the offered vile , and the tech finally was able to stop my blood from being spilled all over the floor . After he left , John and I laughed , saying that that was the sloppiest job we 'd ever seen and that he was lucky that John was there to help ! Then we waited and waited some more . I thought I would message a few people to let them know what had happened . One friend I messaged works with her husband in the big town , and said they would be right over . These were the same friends who came to visit me in the hospital when this same procedure was done three years ago . I felt so comforted that I would see them again before going into the delivery room . They arrived only minutes before I was wheeled out , though , but it was still a blessing to have been able to feel of their love before I went in . I said goodbye to John and suggested that this would probably be a good time for him to go home and get the kids , as I knew I wouldn 't be out for at least another 45 minutes . Earlier in the day John has suggested that we bring the kids to visit me in the hospital . I knew it would be an uncomfortable and perhaps difficult experience for them , but he suggested that it might be good closure , since they would probably have a difficult time understanding and processing what had happened . I felt like this was a wonderful idea . So he kissed me goodbye and I was wheeled to the delivery room . I don 't like that they do this procedure in the delivery room , because I was there before , giving birth to a big , beautiful baby boy five years earlier , and it brought up so many of the amazing memories a mother feels when she gives birth . I looked at the incubator my baby boy had been in . I remembered when my doula had told me while he was crowning that she could see his hair , and that it was black . I remembered that " gloriously empty " feeling of just having a baby , when all the pain is over and there is nothing but joy and elation . None of that would happen for me now . The anesthesiologist entered the room . He is a wonderful , caring man , as most anesthesiologists are . He has a tender smile and comforting eyes and constantly reassured me . When he was finished with the insertion of the epidural , I looked at my heart rate and noticed that it was faster than usual at 88 beats for minute . HeI spent the next three days at school , and in bed and when all of the performances were over and were a huge success , I felt like I could finally let go physically and emotionally . I stayed in bed most of the day on Saturday . I cried most of the night . And on Sunday , I felt better . I attended church , hosted a large family dinner , then slept some more . As I write this , I feel nearly fully recovered , six days later , but I know I need to ease into things carefully . I 've been on partial bed rest for four weeks now and I know it 's going to take a while to get up to my normal and preferred speed . The kids have spring break this week , so I won 't have to worry about schedules . The house will fall to pieces , I know this , but it will be wonderful to do what we want , when we want and just be together as a family . I keep wondering why this all happened during this six - week period of time I had decided to dedicate to the musical , a time that I had known would be taxing in just a normal situation . The discovery of the pregnancy , the explosion of the van , the three weeks of partial bed rest and finally the saddening and disappointing news of the loss of our sweet baby and the subsequent procedure . I have wondered if it was to teach my kids and the kids who knew of my situation in the musical perseverance . I have wondered if we were to learn to place our lives in God 's hand and to accept his will in all things . I have wondered if the kids were supposed to experience loss to prepare them for the bigger losses they will inevitably experience at some point later in life . All I know is that I hope I can learn all that God wants me to learn during this journey . In a church meeting I attended this weekend , we were taught that God 's plan for us is perfect . I have thought about that a lot . Our lives our difficult , sometimes even full of many burdens to be born , but this is His plan for us . He designs each of our lives as a perfect fit to our individual spirits to help us grow and be refined into the people He wants us to become . It is uAs always , thanks for listening . : ) I miss you and I hope to write more in the near future . Have a wonderful week . Hi long - time - no - hear - from friend ! : - ] I was happy to find a real post from you ! ! the story about your van fire brought up memories of our house fire . god had woke me up via some random noise that I thought was one thing and they never did figure out what it was I had heard ( or even how the fire had actually started ) and got me and our sons out of the house safely ( Brian was working nights at that point ) . Events such as those do give you a clearer view of what is and isn 't replaceable in life ! I am so sorry for the loss of your babe ( s ) ! I too have been through such loss . I wrote a posting about it once [ http : / / www . thebzhousethatlovebuilt . com / 2011 / 07 / miscarriages - emotional - roller - coasters . html ] . I 'm enjoying having my GRAND kids here for their Spring Break . Hope yours contains as many smiles and chuckles as mine has so far ! Your FRIEND , April 3 , 2015 at 9 : 21 AM I 'm a Mormon American , mostly vegetarian housewife raising 10 AWESOME kids , including twin toddlers and a newborn , in a tiny farm town in Mexico . I 've reluctantly traveled the survivor road when my first husband , and first love , committed suicide in 2004 , leaving me a widow with 6 children . Since then , however , I have found happiness , now that I 'm remarried , to my soul mate , and about the smartest man on the planet . He totally supports me and reads my blog everyday , possibly because he knows that every night I 'm going to ask him if he did . Follow us as I try to find humor and excitement in the everyday affairs of running a home !
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I don 't even know where to begin . It 's been so long since I 've written anything meaningful . But writing has always been therapeutic for me , perhaps because it 's a way of releasing creativity and emotion at the same time . So let me start with the musical . Six weeks ago I was asked to play the piano for the school musical . The school musical is no small thing . I knew this because I had played for Seven Brides for Seven Brothers three years ago . The students , teachers and community volunteers put in from 80 to 100 hours , or even more in some cases , in a six week period to put on the production . At the time , I had a nursing baby and many other young children , and just the babysitting alone cost me over $ 500 over the course of the rehearsals and performances . Although it was incredibly rewarding , I had had no idea of the toil and time that would be involved and I told myself I would never do it again . Fast forward three years . I was in my kitchen , peacefully going about my business when I received a frantic phone call that the pianist who can committed to play for the musical had suddenly bailed at the last minute , and was there any way I could come that afternoon and fill in until they could find someone else . I went to the school , and as I sat there at the piano , I knew I had to do this . Two of my kids were in the play , various women with no children in the school were helping , and so why couldn 't I ? My little boys were old enough to sit during the rehearsals and do their homework and play some games on our electronic devices , so yes , I would do it ! I went home and told John what had happened . I reminded him of the sacrifice our family would be making : floors unswept , dishes undone , frantic simple dinners prepared , little time for anything else but the musical for the next six weeks . The dear man readily agreed to support me . Things were going well for the first week . I began to bond with the music director in a way we hadn 't before , which was rewarding , and I was enjoying getting to know the students . The little boys behaved unbelievably well during the rehearsals and I just knew I was going to have the time of my life for the next six weeks , working with my two teenagers , getting to know people I hadn 't before , and creating something amazing , that evokes emotion for hundreds of people , out of nothing . At the beginning of the next week , however , something happened that would drastically change everything . I was cleaning up lunch and I suddenly realized I had not had my monthly telltale sign . I was a week late . I had been so busy at the school , I hadn 't even noticed . Since I stock dozens of pregnancy tests I buy from the Dollar Store for the local women , I flippantly decided I 'd just go take a test after I clean the kitchen . I probably had the date wrong . I hadn 't gotten pregnant for three years . Why would I be so now ? The minute after these thoughts went through my mind , my heart suddenly started pounding and I knew , I knew , that I was pregnant . I gave Baby Hippo his device that he gets to play for a few minutes before naptime ( By the way , he will no long go by Baby Hippo , as he is now five years old , and a normal weight . He will henceforth by known as the 5 - year - old boy ) . and quickly went to the bathroom with test in hand . I laid it on the counter when I was finished , then went to put a log of wood on the fire , because I love to take a nap in the winter with a small fire going in the fireplace by my bed . When I went back to the counter , there were two lines on the test . My heart seemed to seize and leap at the same time , so various were the emotions I felt as I saw those two lines . Then I looked at the box again , because I momentarily couldn 't remember what two lines meant , although I did know , I just couldn 't believe it . I was pregnant . For the twelve time . Ironically , just the week before , I had had two friends over who wanted to learn to make bread . One of them had a baby , and as I watched her struggle with him , I told them both , " Every time I 'm around someone with a baby , I feel soooo glad I don 't have a baby . " That being said , a rush of gratitude came into my heart and I immediately knelt down in front of the fire place where it was so warm , and thanked God for the blessing he had given me , the chance to have another child , to be the mother and guardian of eleven beautiful spirits . I was ecstatic . I didn 't know how or when I would tell John , though . We had lost two babies three and a half and three years ago , both at seven weeks , so I wasn 't sure this one would stay . Should I wait to tell him or should I have him involved from the very beginning ? The choice would be made for me the next day . John and I needed to do some shopping at the border town three hours away , so we loaded the kids up and began the journey . While we were driving , John began a conversation we had started a while ago and about what kind of vehicle we were going to purchase . Our fifteen passenger van was on its last leg and we had said that when the 18 - year - old boy left for his mission , we would get an eight - passenger SUV , which , by the way , is so much cooler than a 15 - passenger van . John asked if this was still the plan . It all of a sudden occurred to me that this could no longer be the plan . I said , " Um . Well . That 's really not going to work for us now . " His quick mind immediately grasped my meaning and asked , " Are you pregnant ? ? ? " " Yes ! " I said . He then went into John mode , saying , " Okay . at the auctions my uncle has been telling me about , you can get a 15 - passenger van for about $ 11 , 000 . " He went on in this vein until I finally asked , " Well , are you happy ? " He said , " Yes ! Of course ! And I hope it 's twins ! " I was so happy . There is so much more I want to tell you . I want to tell you how I told my mom . I want to share more feelings with you . But there is just too much to write . But the next part I must tell you . I am not going to take the time to write it out like I would have had I known I would be posting it to this blog , but I 'm going to copy the letter I wrote to the 18 - year - old boy on his mission . It was figuratively scrawled out quickly between answering the door , taking phone calls , answering emails , and responding to countless Facebook messages and comments , all while trying to process all that had happened on our way home from the border town . Here is the letter and accompanying photos . . . . . So , on Saturday we had to go to El Paso to watch Landon play a game against Cathedral , which is the all - boy Catholic school . It was also the twins ' birthday , so we decided to take them to the zoo and shopping for presents . The boys lost pathetically , only scoring like 14 points , but Landon made like 5 of them or so ! Can you believe it ? It was pretty awesome . But Bro , Hatch saw that I wasn 't watching the game and that I missed seeing one of Landon 's shots , so he sent his grandson , Caleb , over to me to tell me that I needed to stop gossiping with Cade and watch my son play ! I think Bro . Hatch just needs to worry about coaching his team . So anyways , we took the kids to the zoo and shopping and eventually loaded up the van to go home . I had also bought a new laptop , had a huge number of oils in a bag from the mail , and John had purchased many things , including 8 wheels for work , a BlueRay DVD player and $ 600 worth of groceries . So we got a late start heading home . It got dark quickly , which we don 't like , but we just couldn 't get things done on time . It 's about 7 : 00 by this time and we 're cruising along at about 70 MPH , which is our normal speed . Cars are oncoming and some have their brights on , so it 's hard to see . All of sudden , just as a car is about to pass us , I see the silhouette of two huge cows exactly in our lane in front of us . I say silhouette because we couldn 't see them with our headlights because we were somewhat blinded by the oncoming traffic . So I scream , " THERE ' S A COW ! ! ! ! " And the split second later , we hit it going about 70 MPH . I didn 't see it hit our windshield , but I heard the sickening sound of metal and glass crunching and then we were stopped and my glasses were down around my chin . ( I would later learn that it was the airbag that had knocked down my glasses , although I never saw or felt it . ) It was all so fast . I put my glasses back on and turned around and said , " Is everyone okay ? " Some of the kids started crying , but before I could see if everyone was all right , John yelled , " EVERYONE GET OUT OF THE VAN ! ! ! NOW ! ! NOW ! ! ! " I didn 't know why . I didn 't know if we were about to get hit by someone else going 70 MPH or if the van was going to explode or what , but I jumped out as fast as I could . Claire had the presence of mind to get Daniel unbuckled and all of the kids jumped out at the same time . Johnny was crying and his lip was bleeding and swollen to the size of a small sausage . I told the kids to get far away from the road , to follow me , but Claire was just standing there . I said , " Claire , come on ! " She said , " Mom , I don 't have my shoes on ! " And I told her to just run anyway , that the van was going to explode . She said tWe were probably sitting there for about ten minutes watching John trying to put the fire out , but then he came up to us and said that he couldn 't get the fire out and that the van was probably going to blow , so we should move very far away . So I picked up Claire again , and we ran about a football field 's length away . We sat there , the kids sitting on my lap , and Claire standing , and watched our van become engulfed in flames . Claire cried as we watched it burn , saying it was just so disturbing and upsetting to see our van in flames that way . There was a series of explosions as each tire blew , the battery , the gas tank , but no one was hurt . Many emergency vehicles started showing up , Federales , municipales , bomberos and ambulances . Everyone was so kind to us . One of the Federales took off his coat and put it on Daniel . A random driver waiting for the van to burn so he could pass through gave me his jacket . The ambulance drivers gave us many blankets and more coats . I kept looking at the van , watching it burn , thinking how amazing it was that all of us survived . The thoughts would come into my mind about all the stuff I was watching burn , my purse , with the pass cards in it , my lap top , the new lap top I just bought , my iPhone , iPod , iPad , all of our food , the music for the musical , which costs $ 300 to replace , but I just kept saying to myself , It 's okay . It all can be replaced . All of us are okay , and it 's a miracle . Then , what to my surprise , Landon and some of his friends from the basketball team walk up to us . Apparently they had been a few cars behind , just stuck in traffic , waiting for the firemen to put the fire out and let them clear . They were quite annoyed with whatever " stupid driver left his van to just burn in the middle of the road . " They were teasing Landon , " Yeah , Dude ! That 's probably your van ! hahahah ! " Well , after the flames got put out , the bus driver decided to let them go see the wreckage , and then one of the boys said , " Dude Landon ! That 's your dad ! " John saw Landon at the same time and wavedWe were so lucky and so blessed and we certainly have a new perspective on life . Things could have ended so differently . The Lord is good . As you can well imagine , dealing with the aftermath of this accident was an emotional challenge . And for John , it was a physical challenge as well , as his shins endured severe abrasions , bruising and swelling , as they took the brunt of the collapse of the front dash . We had trouble sleeping for many nights and we wondered if our new baby , the size of a sesame seed , had survived the ordeal . I knew that I would know in a matter of time , so I choose not to see the doctor at this time . When I returned to play practice , I told the music director that I had discovered I was pregnant a few days before and her face showed immediate concern . She is a mother of seven grown boys , and knows how difficult early pregnancy can be . She became even more concerned when I told her of my previous miscarriages . She worried that I might go through a miscarriage during the six - week rehearsal period . She felt like maybe she should find someone else . I told her no , that I would be okay . I knew how to handle my morning sickness and if I did lose the baby , I would bounce back quickly . She agreed to have me continue to assist her . This second week of practice , everything went fine , until Saturday night . Right before turning into bed , I saw pink blood . I audibly gasped and felt immediate devastation . I came out of the bathroom and told John . His face fell and he hugged me and said how sorry he was . I asked him for a priesthood blessing and after he gave me one , we were both comforted . I waited for the heavy bleeding and the cramping to come , but it never did . Nothing else happened . No more blood . No cramping . Of course I pored over articles on the internet to try to find out what it all meant , I talked to other moms and I prayed . The advice I latched onto was that I needed rest . This is not something I 'm good at , but I wanted so much to keep this baby , so I asked John to go to the house of the lady who sometimes helps us , Esther , and ask if she could come for a couple of hours every day to help with the cleaning until we could find out what I knew immediately what I must do . My normal inclination would have been to leave the doctor 's office and let the baby come when it would . I knew my doctor wouldn 't like that idea , but it is what I would have done . I would have scheduled the D & C , then called back later to cancel it and let my baby come in its own due time . But the musical was in three days . What if she started to come during one of the performances ? I could make preparations for the blood , but could I deal with the pain ? No , I could not . Not during three - hour performances where I would need every once of concentration . So I went to John 's office . I called him from the parking lot and asked him if this was a good time for me to come up . He sounded so happy to know that I was there , and said of course it was . I picked up the ultrasound picture that said " Bebe aborto " and the list of doctor 's instructions in Spanish , and went up the stairs . He immediately saw the ultrasound picture in my hand and concern spread across his face . This was the first time I had ever been to visit him randomly in his office . I told him that the baby didn 't make it . His face fell . He came over to the side of his desk where I was and hugged me . He didn 't say anything for a while , and then he said he was sorry . I said I was sorry to . So I made the appointment for the D & C for that night . And I didn 't call later to cancel it . I had left play practice for my appointment , and when I came back , and began playing the piano , the music director looked at me with concern , and asked if everything went okay . I was playing the piano , and there were many students in the vicinity , so I just smiled and nodded . After my song was over , I sat down next to her and didn 't say anything . She then turned to me again , and said , " So everything is okay ? Everything went okay ? " Then I told her the truth . I had to repeat myself because she had a hard time processing it . I told her that I would go get the D & C that evening and that I would be back for rehearsal the next day . By this time we were having six hour rehearsals every day . She looked at me aghast and said that under no circumstances was I to come back the next day , that if I really wanted to do what was right and be there for the kids , that I would make sure I was healthy for the actual performances . She said that missing practices was not a big deal , but being too sick to perform because I hadn 't recovered correctly would be much worse . I finally agreed . I then walked across campus to where the 14 - year - old boy was playing a football game . Everyone in town was there , or so it seemed , people who I hadn 't seen for a week or two , and everyone asked , with a cheerful smile , how my pregnancy was going . If they asked in front of many people , I lied and said everything was fine . And this is not me . I loathe lying . I try never to do it , but I didn 't know what else to do . Finally someone asked me privately , and I told her the truth . I then went to find one of my best friends , who was selling concessions for the booster club , and pulled her aside and told her . Other people came up to me randomly , and asked how my pregnancy was going , and if there were many people around , I lied again , and if we were in private , I told them the truth . It was excruciating . My baby was lying dead inside me and I was having to look into the eyeWhen I arrived at the hospital , John was already there with a calming smile on his face . I was assigned a bed and the tech came in and began prepping me for the procedure . He attempted to put a needle in my vein to get blood for lab work , then to attach the IV , but he didn 't succeed the first time . If at first you don 't succeed , try , try again . And he did . John was sitting on the sofa bed beside mine watching . After he attached the vile that was to go to the lab to the needle , filled it up , then removed it , apparently he had made no plan to stop my blood from continuing to flow once the vile was removed . So my blood began forcefully pumping out of the back of my hand onto the floor . It was pumping in spurts . I watched in fascination , thinking , " There is all my blood , going down onto the floor . " He became flustered when he realized what was happening and quickly asked John to come and help him . John got up , took the offered vile , and the tech finally was able to stop my blood from being spilled all over the floor . After he left , John and I laughed , saying that that was the sloppiest job we 'd ever seen and that he was lucky that John was there to help ! Then we waited and waited some more . I thought I would message a few people to let them know what had happened . One friend I messaged works with her husband in the big town , and said they would be right over . These were the same friends who came to visit me in the hospital when this same procedure was done three years ago . I felt so comforted that I would see them again before going into the delivery room . They arrived only minutes before I was wheeled out , though , but it was still a blessing to have been able to feel of their love before I went in . I said goodbye to John and suggested that this would probably be a good time for him to go home and get the kids , as I knew I wouldn 't be out for at least another 45 minutes . Earlier in the day John has suggested that we bring the kids to visit me in the hospital . I knew it would be an uncomfortable and perhaps difficult experience for them , but he suggested that it might be good closure , since they would probably have a difficult time understanding and processing what had happened . I felt like this was a wonderful idea . So he kissed me goodbye and I was wheeled to the delivery room . I don 't like that they do this procedure in the delivery room , because I was there before , giving birth to a big , beautiful baby boy five years earlier , and it brought up so many of the amazing memories a mother feels when she gives birth . I looked at the incubator my baby boy had been in . I remembered when my doula had told me while he was crowning that she could see his hair , and that it was black . I remembered that " gloriously empty " feeling of just having a baby , when all the pain is over and there is nothing but joy and elation . None of that would happen for me now . The anesthesiologist entered the room . He is a wonderful , caring man , as most anesthesiologists are . He has a tender smile and comforting eyes and constantly reassured me . When he was finished with the insertion of the epidural , I looked at my heart rate and noticed that it was faster than usual at 88 beats for minute . HeI spent the next three days at school , and in bed and when all of the performances were over and were a huge success , I felt like I could finally let go physically and emotionally . I stayed in bed most of the day on Saturday . I cried most of the night . And on Sunday , I felt better . I attended church , hosted a large family dinner , then slept some more . As I write this , I feel nearly fully recovered , six days later , but I know I need to ease into things carefully . I 've been on partial bed rest for four weeks now and I know it 's going to take a while to get up to my normal and preferred speed . The kids have spring break this week , so I won 't have to worry about schedules . The house will fall to pieces , I know this , but it will be wonderful to do what we want , when we want and just be together as a family . I keep wondering why this all happened during this six - week period of time I had decided to dedicate to the musical , a time that I had known would be taxing in just a normal situation . The discovery of the pregnancy , the explosion of the van , the three weeks of partial bed rest and finally the saddening and disappointing news of the loss of our sweet baby and the subsequent procedure . I have wondered if it was to teach my kids and the kids who knew of my situation in the musical perseverance . I have wondered if we were to learn to place our lives in God 's hand and to accept his will in all things . I have wondered if the kids were supposed to experience loss to prepare them for the bigger losses they will inevitably experience at some point later in life . All I know is that I hope I can learn all that God wants me to learn during this journey . In a church meeting I attended this weekend , we were taught that God 's plan for us is perfect . I have thought about that a lot . Our lives our difficult , sometimes even full of many burdens to be born , but this is His plan for us . He designs each of our lives as a perfect fit to our individual spirits to help us grow and be refined into the people He wants us to become . It is uAs always , thanks for listening . : ) I miss you and I hope to write more in the near future . Have a wonderful week . Hi long - time - no - hear - from friend ! : - ] I was happy to find a real post from you ! ! the story about your van fire brought up memories of our house fire . god had woke me up via some random noise that I thought was one thing and they never did figure out what it was I had heard ( or even how the fire had actually started ) and got me and our sons out of the house safely ( Brian was working nights at that point ) . Events such as those do give you a clearer view of what is and isn 't replaceable in life ! I am so sorry for the loss of your babe ( s ) ! I too have been through such loss . I wrote a posting about it once [ http : / / www . thebzhousethatlovebuilt . com / 2011 / 07 / miscarriages - emotional - roller - coasters . html ] . I 'm enjoying having my GRAND kids here for their Spring Break . Hope yours contains as many smiles and chuckles as mine has so far ! Your FRIEND , April 3 , 2015 at 9 : 21 AM I 'm a Mormon American , mostly vegetarian housewife raising 10 AWESOME kids , including twin toddlers and a newborn , in a tiny farm town in Mexico . I 've reluctantly traveled the survivor road when my first husband , and first love , committed suicide in 2004 , leaving me a widow with 6 children . Since then , however , I have found happiness , now that I 'm remarried , to my soul mate , and about the smartest man on the planet . He totally supports me and reads my blog everyday , possibly because he knows that every night I 'm going to ask him if he did . Follow us as I try to find humor and excitement in the everyday affairs of running a home !
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The guy wasn 't making any particular effort to be sneaky about the food he was stealing . This was odd because Williamson was right there at the counter , in uniform , paying for a cup of coffee . The 7 - 11 clerk , a chunky young woman with bleached - blonde hair and a tattoo of a snake on the side of her neck , said quietly , " Hey . Look at that . " The man 's behavior wasn 't the oddest thing about him , however . Even by the standards of downtown Fall City , he was peculiarly dressed . He had on a pair of torn jeans that were far too short to cover his long legs . His socks were mismatched . One was a white athletic sock with blue stripes , the other heavy gray wool . His shoes were even more strangely paired - on his right foot he had an old black leather dress shoe with a sprung sole , and on the left a bright red Keds sneaker with a long rip down the side . His Styx t - shirt must have been thirty years old , from the degree to which the " Rockin ' the Paradise " logo had faded , and it was several sizes too large for his narrow shoulders and chest . His jacket was khaki canvas , much patched and sewn , and was also too big for him . The effect was accentuated by the fact that he now had jerky , chips , a box of Hostess Ho - Hos , and a bag of LifeSavers distending the pockets . Williamson stared at him . He couldn 't arrest the man until he left the premises . If he did , the dude could claim that he was just stowing the stuff in his pockets to bring it up to the counter , and fully intended to pay for everything . And maybe that was it , after all ; he looked right at Williamson , a pair of intense dark eyes locking on the officer 's for several seconds before he turned back to pull a can of peanuts from the shelf and tuck it under his arm . It was 11 PM , and the lot was nearly empty , although there was still plenty of traffic on Pentland Street South . Was he headed for a car ? That 'd make a bad situation worse , unless Williamson could stop him before he put it in drive . But the shoplifter didn 't run toward any of the three cars in the store parking lot . Long shanks pumping , mismatched shoes pounding on the asphalt , he sprinted off toward the rough field that stood between the 7 - 11 and Carlson 's Car Wash . Williamson was a marathon runner , cyclist , and general gym rat , and it had served him well in the past . It did once again . The shoplifter was slowing , hindered by the uneven ground , his odd footwear , and the packages of food bouncing around in his pockets . After only a short pursuit , Williamson was gaining on him . The shoplifter gave a quick glance over his shoulder . He was wearing a silly grin . Is he a nutcase ? Williamson thought . Wonder if he escaped from the psych ward . Certainly looks the part . But the man didn 't stop , and in ten more strides , Williamson was able to grab him by the waistband of his jeans , yanked hard , and the two of them tumbled in a heap to the rocky ground . The man fought back , for all the good it did . Williamson 's upper arms were as big as the man 's thighs . In seconds , the shoplifter was pinned to the ground , his right arm twisted behind him . He used his left to pitch the can of peanuts at Williamson 's head , missing by several inches , and there was a hollow bonk as it landed somewhere behind them in the darkness . The man burst out laughing , a high , wild sound . Yup . He 's a crazy , all right . At least he doesn 't look like one of the violent ones . He was , however , continuing to struggle , rocking from side to side , pulling at his pinioned arm , kicking his legs against the ground . There was a crunching noise as the corn chips inside his jacket were ground to dust . Anything you say or do may be used against you in a court of law . You have the right to an attorney . If you cannot afford an attorney , one will be provided for you . Do you understand the rights I have just told you ? " The man looked the officer up and down . " You run faster than I would have thought . " Those were first words he 'd spoken . His voice was light , musical , intelligent . He sounded completely unconcerned . " Yeah . Remember next time that when a cop tells you to stop , you stop . Otherwise you get your face rubbed in the dirt . " He took the man 's bony elbow and propelled him back toward the 7 - 11 parking lot and the waiting police cruiser . Williamson had driven halfway back to the station before he remembered that he 'd left his coffee on the store counter . This did not improve his mood , and he considered returning for it . " Stone cold by now , anyway , " he muttered to himself . Williamson escorted the shoplifter into the Fall City Police Station , where he was booked , and offered the opportunity to pay $ 500 in bail to be released that night . He identified himself as Cyprian James Grove , but he had no identification on him to verify that . When he was asked his address , he laughed and said , " Nowhere near here . " " Dude was standing there in the middle of the aisle , loading up his pockets . Looked right at me and the cashier , and kept on doing it , then walked to the door like we were gonna wave goodbye and tell him to have a nice night . Even when I caught him and pinned him , he was laughing like it was a big joke . And the clothes . I dunno . " " If so , he walked here . He didn 't have a car . I thought he might have escaped from the psych ward up at Fall City Regional . " " I don 't know , Dean . But wherever he came from , he 'll be stuck here a while if he can 't make bail . Wonder if he 'll try to call someone tomorrow . Family , or a lawyer , or something . " " Could be . That 'd at least tell us more about him . " Williamson drained the last of his coffee . " I 'm back out . Shift ends at four . See you , Rosa . " Is he puking ? Mansour thought . But the guy didn 't seem to be sick . He was moving his hand along the floor , backing up a little at a time , his nose inches from the cement , frowning in intense concentration . Between his fingers he held a piece of chalk . He was drawing a line on the floor , every so often turning his head to sight down it , checking it for straightness . " Got to make sure it 's as straight as I can manage , " he said , in a conversational tone , still in the odd position with his cheek near the cold concrete surface and his butt in the air . " Hope you don 't mind my drawing on the floor , though . I 'm not usually a graffiti artist . " " Nope , " Grove said amiably . " When they frisked me and emptied my pockets , they missed this . Fortunately . I always carry it in case of an emergency . " " An emergency ? " the officer said , at the same time thinking , Why are you letting this guy draw you into a conversation ? Rosa was right . He 's a wacko . Just go in there and take the chalk . " Oh , no , you don 't . Getting tackled once in a night is enough . " He continued his line on the floor all the way to the back wall , then stood . " Hope it 's straight enough , " he said , looking Mansour right in the eyes . " It 'll have to do . " The light turned green . Mansour pulled the cell door open . At the same moment Grove , wearing a goofy grin , said , " Ta - ta , now , Officer . Give my regards to the musclebound guy who arrested me , and the cutie who took my fingerprints . " He wiggled his fingers . Mansour ran through the door . " What the … " He stopped , looking around the cell as if he expected Grove to reappear like a stage magician , sitting cross - legged on the bed , holding a white rabbit in one hand . Her eyes narrowed . " Don 't give me that bullshit . People can 't go through cement floors , but they can crawl . And the only way he got out of that cell is past you . " " Then where did he go , Captain ? " Lamperez said . " If he got out past Mansour , or behind him or whatever , the guy would still have had to get through the locked door at the end of the hallway . The CCTV down there doesn 't show anything . " Persinger gave her a sour look . " I wasn 't the one who was there . I also wasn 't the one who opened the cell door immediately before a prisoner escaped . " " Well , I can tell you he didn 't turn himself sideways and go through a chalk line on the floor . " Persinger turned toward Williamson , who had been sitting in silence the entire time , his eyes distant . " What about you , Williamson ? What can you tell us about our magical disappearing man ? " Williamson looked up at the captain , and shook his head . " There 's something wrong with him . Wrong in the head , you know ? He was shoplifting all of this food , looking me right in the face as he did it . When I took him down , he laughed , like it was no big deal . " He met Persinger 's eyes steadily . " Like he knew he didn 't have anything to worry about . Like he knew he could get away if he needed to . " She gave a piece of paper on her desk an exasperated shove . " We need to find this guy and get him back into custody . Because right now , all four of us are looking like incompetents who can 't even keep an unarmed shoplifter locked up for the night . I 'm gonna have to file a report on this , and when the Chief of Police sees it , which he will , it 's gonna make the whole lot of us look like the Keystone Kops . Internal Affairs is gonna investigate this thing from top to bottom no matter what , but we need to do whatever we can to stop this from blowing up in our faces . I want Grove found , I want him brought back in , and I want it done before the Chief of Police hands me my ass on a platter . Understood ? " As they were leaving , Williamson turned to Mansour and said , " I believe you , K . There was something weird about that guy . He wasn 't no ordinary shoplifter , that 's for damn sure . " Mansour shook his head . " I saw it , Dean . I saw it with my own eyes . He was drawing a line on the floor with this little stub of chalk . And he said something about always carrying it with him , because it could come in handy in an emergency . Then he stepped on the line , and went right through it . " He held out one hand , palm upward . " I can 't explain it any better than you can . But I 'm as sure of it as I am that I 'm standing here right now . Persinger can threaten me all she wants , but I 'm not going to lie . " " So maybe she 's right about one thing . Maybe we need to find Cyprian Grove and see if we can figure out what the hell is going on here . " His expression was grim . " But if we do catch that crazy sumbitch again , I 'm gonna check his pockets for chalk . " There was a storm coming . The seawater had turned a steely gray , a dangerous color . The runnels of foam dragged at Lee 's bare feet , tugging him toward the surf . He turned and looked outward , toward the horizon , as a violent wave dashed itself to pieces , and he tasted salt . This was where it had happened , a year ago . Whatever it was that actually had happened . All Lee knew was that Jane had vanished , without a word to him , no clue as to why . She was there one day , missing the next . Her clothes were found , neatly folded on a piece of driftwood , as if she 'd stripped and just … swam away . Nothing in her actions during the weeks preceding her disappearance had seemed odd . Her wry smile , her habit of brushing back a lock of dark hair from her forehead , her kind touch , all were as usual . Even in the days that followed , when mourning spouses think thoughts of " If only I 'd paid more attention at the time … " , there were no clues to be found in memory . Lee puzzled over everything , what she had said and done , places she 'd gone , overheard scraps of telephone conversations . There was nothing , not the least hint of what was to come . Her disappearance was a subtraction ; she simply wasn 't there any more . The police suspected foul play , of course , but nothing about that made sense . Why would a murderer strip his victim and leave the clothes behind in a trim stack ? The Coast Guard was called in , divers searched likely spots in the bay , but no trace of her was found except for the t - shirt , shorts , and underwear , placed on a log beyond the reach of the waves , as if she had thought , I won 't need these any more , but no sense ruining them . Lee realized with dull surprise that the police were probably investigating him , seeing if there was any reason why he 'd wanted Jane dead . But when no body turned up , and it became clear that he was what he seemed to be - a spouse devastated by his wife 's presumed death - they gave up and moved on to more straightforward cases . Lee had gone to Colorado , far away from the ocean , to get away from the hateful , incessant pounding of the waves . Deprived of their reality , they invaded his sleep , and he woke up tasting salt and still feeling the water coursing over his body , seeing Jane swimming , her naked body , so familiar , now subtly … changed . He awoke desperately , terrifyingly aroused , needing her , but full wakefulness just brought him back to the empty bed in a motel in the Colorado Rockies , the bedsheets tangled around his bare legs . So he had come back . His return felt inevitable . And now he stood there , the storm coming in , the seawater curling around his ankles . The wind ruffled his hair ; thunder growled in the distance . He pulled his shirt off , tossed it to the sand ; no neat folding for him . He unsnapped his shorts , pulled them and his boxers off together , threw them aside , and strode forward into the water . He remembered what she 'd said to him , in the dream : it will feel cold at first , but not for long . Mrs . Crane nodded . " My , you look so young , " she said . " It 's hard to believe you 're a doctor . " She laughed a little . " I 'm sorry , and a dismissive gesture of her hand . " Just a few palpitations , that 's all , " she said . " Nothing this old heart of mine hasn 't seen a she say ? His father was a saint . His father liked satin . His father was named Stan . His father looked like Santa . But each of those collided with his memory , bland . " That 's Derek 's father . Lucifer . He used to visit , too , quite often , when Derek was little , but I expect Mrs . Crane gave her little wave of the hand again . " Oh , of course , doctor . I 'm just being a garrulous old woman , going glasses and short salt - and - pepper hair , gave him a hand . " I 'm glad to meet you , " she said . " Dana Treadwell . If there 's anything I can do … " " It 's nothing , " Derek said . " Three weeks ago , I hurt my hand doing some home renovations . I guess it 's still not completely healed . " tile right outside his mother 's room , and fell . Hard to believe you could be so badly hurt from a fall . They brought him to the Colville General - I I looked up from my newspaper . We were the only two people on the bus , the 1 AM run from the university district over to Redmond . There had been other people on , but in ones and pairs they 'd gotten off at other stops , leaving only me and the bald , paunchy guy with wire - rimmed glasses in the seat next to mine . " That 's terrible . " I shifted in my seat a little . I 've always hated awkward conversations , and this one was certainly starting that way . Some people are okay about striking up conversations with strangers on buses ; me , I was just wanting to read the newspaper in peace , and get home to my apartment and my girlfriend . No such luck . The guy didn 't seem at all put off by my terse answers . " Yeah . Terrible , " he said . " Doctor sat me down , said , ' well , Max , I have some bad news . The prognosis isn 't good . ' I said to him , ' How not good is it ? ' He says , ' I got to be honest with you , it 's stage four pancreatic , and the survival rate isn 't too high . ' " I set my newspaper down in my lap . It looked like I was being drawn into the conversation , whether I wanted to or not . " Are they doing chemo , or surgery , or whatever ? " He shrugged . " What difference ? I 'm gonna die , I 'm gonna die . What does it matter if it 's six months or two years ? " " Yeah , go down fighting , my doctor said . " He gave me a crooked smile . " That 's always supposed to be what you do , right ? Go down fighting . So I been thinking , and I 'm damned if I can figure out a good reason to do that . " " Well , aren 't there things you 'd like to get done before you … " I hesitated , not wanting to say " die " even though he had . I thought it might be insensitive . " All right , then , " I said . " Before you die , then . Aren 't there things you 'd like to do ? So if you had more time , you could do more of them ? " He shrugged again . " I dunno . Maybe . Not really . I mean , that 's what dying people are supposed to do , right ? Start thinking about taking that trip to China you 've always wanted to take . " " I dunno . I haven 't led an exciting life , but it 's not like I 've been sitting around saying , ' boy , I can 't wait till I have the time and money to go climb Mount Everest , ' or anything . After the doctor told me , mostly what I thought was , ' this is weird . Next year this time , I won 't be here . ' That sort of thing . " He gave a little dismissive wave of the hand . " They 're sure . I had to twist his arm to get him to tell me how long , though . ' How long do I have ? ' I asked him . ' Well , survival rates vary , and there 's always a chance that with chemo , you could go into remission , ' he said . ' Just tell me how long I have , ' I said . And still , he 's dancing around it . ' I don 't want to give you the idea we know for sure , ' he said . ' Look , ' I said , ' it 's not like I 'm gonna come complaining to you either way , if you 're wrong . ' So he says , ' Best estimate , six to nine months . With chemo you might be able to extend it to a year and a half , unless a miracle occurs . ' So I tell him that I don 't believe in miracles , and he says , ' Neither do I . ' " " Yeah , well , it is what it is . It 's not like I 'm the only guy in the history of the world who 's ever died . I guess we 're all terminal , right ? I just happen to know the expiration date . " I looked back at him . " I 'm not upset , " I said . " It 's just something I never thought about much before , I guess . " " Me neither . Now that I have to , I 'm not sure what to think . " He shook his head . " You know what bothers me most ? Wondering who 'll take care of my dog . All of the rest of the stuff - who 'll take care of my stuff , clean out and sell my house , and so on - meh , it 'll happen one way or the other . But my dog - you know ? " " I can ask . But you know , it 's your dog . It 's not like some microwave oven or something , they can keep it or sell it or trash it , no difference . " He leaned back , looked away . " I got this dog , I never thought he 'd outlive me . You never think of that kind of thing . " " Funny that 's what I thought of first . You 'd think it 'd be , ' oh my god , I 'm gonna die ! ' and all of a sudden wondering if you 're headed to heaven or hell . You know , does god exist ? Where do you go when you die ? All that sorta stuff . I thought about that , a little , I guess - but it didn 't really sink in like you 'd think . Tuesday night , after I found out , I 'm lying in bed , thinking , ' who 'll take care of Rocky ? ' and I 'm , like , crying about it , just lying there bawling my head off . I think about myself , and I don 't cry . I 'm not even so much worried about the pain , and I 'm a pansy about pain . I even hate shots , you know ? But I think about my dog , and the waterworks start . " " The whole thing don 't make much sense , " he said . " Living , dying , why some people live to 102 and others die at 53 . That 's how old I am , you know that ? 53 . I figured I 'd have another 25 years , maybe 30 with luck . And here I am , six to nine months . " " Nope , " he said , but he said it flatly , as if it were some random fact , not the summation of his experience of being terminal . " But I guess nothing really is , right ? That 's how I see it . I don 't know why people even invented the word ' fair . ' It 's meaningless . We give , we get , we get stolen from , we fall in love , we get betrayed , we live , finally we die . No fair anywhere . Some good stuff , some bad stuff , and it 's all doled out randomly , far as I can tell . " He laughed , too . " That 's another thing . You know , you hear this sort of thing , you figure you 'll never laugh again . I 'm leaving the doctor 's office , and I 'm thinking , ' I 'm scared and miserable and dying and who the hell 's gonna take care of my dog when I 'm dead , ' and I 'm thinking , ' the last six to nine months are gonna be terrible , constant misery , never thinking about anything but the fact that you 're gonna die . ' But I don 't think our brains are built that way . You get some bad news , you think the world 's gonna end , then your brain kinda shrugs and goes , ' oh , well , okay , whatever , ' and you keep going . You remember that old movie , Airplane ? It was on HBO last night . I watched it , and I laughed like a sonofabitch . " " I still don 't know what I 'm gonna do till I get too sick , " he said . " I gotta decide whether I want to keep working . I feel okay right now , a bellyache every once in a while , and I gotta watch what I eat or I get sick to my stomach . But no reason I can 't keep working . " " Yeah , that 's what everyone 's telling me . But why ? It won 't make a bit of difference to the outcome . It 'd be different if I hated my job . I don 't . I don 't love it , but I don 't hate it . It 's just kind of what I do . Why should I change what I do because I happen to have a pretty good idea when I 'm gonna die , and it 's not that far in the future ? " " Yeah , " he said . " I couldn 't answer that one , either . May as well keep on as long as I can . That 's what we 're all doing , really . Keeping on as best we can , and trying not to fuck up the time we have left . " " Not really , " he said , and his eyebrows rose on his broad forehead , his voice becoming animated . " Maybe we should give up trying to make it all have some kind of purpose , trying to make it make sense . We live till we die , some is good , some is bad , and there you are . You take care of the people who love you , and that 's that . " He didn 't answer for a moment , and when he did , his voice was low and thick . " Yeah , " he said , and looked away . " And the dogs . " The bus turned , and I saw in the distance the bus stop near my apartment complex . I reached up and tugged on the cable above the window . There was an electric ding , and the squeak as the bus driver began to brake and pull over . He looked up at me , and smiled a little . " Don 't be sorry . It 's your stop , you get off . " His smile widened into a grin . " Like life , right ? It 's one of them , what the hell do the English teachers call ' em ? " " Yeah , " he said . " I 'll be okay . Good luck to you , too . " He leaned back in his seat . " Maybe we 'll see each other on the bus again , you think ? " He never saw the perpetrator . It was pouring rain , he 'd left his umbrella at home that morning when the sky was clear blue , and when it happened he was trying to see where he was going in the half light with rainwater dripping in his eyes and a gale - force wind gusting into his face . He felt a sudden impact from behind , as a wet , hairy body collided with him , and felt two jaws clamp down on his left butt cheek . Ben lost his balance , and in the process of trying to stay on his feet stepped off the curb into a large puddle , and finally came to rest in an untidy heap on the sidewalk . He swore profusely , and stood up , massaging his posterior . The seat of his pants was ripped , and he was pretty sure he was bleeding , although it was hard to tell with the general wet . Of the dog who had done the deed , there was no sign . The bastard must have pounced and run . By the time he got home it was almost completely dark , and the rain had faded into intermittent drizzle , still being thrown against the windows by the wind . He went into his bathroom , stripped off his wet clothes , and after drying himself off he looked over his shoulder at his reflection in the mirror . Yup , there it was ; a neat , serrate bite mark , right in the middle of the left side of his ass . " Dammit , " he said . It didn 't look too serious , but there was blood on his skin and on his ripped boxers . " What was with that stupid dog ? " Mostly , dogs loved Ben . He had often thought that dogs liked him better than people did . This was only partly true . Ben had made it through twenty - four years without making any enemies , but he got the impression that most people thought of him as a hapless dork , the kind of guy who would never amount to much more than what he was , which was a stock clerk at Home Depot . It sometimes galled him that no one seemed to take him seriously . Even his mother had once said , " Ben is a sweet boy , but you know , you just can 't … do much with him . " He was a fairly well - built 5 ' 11 ' , but his clothes never seemed to fit right . His unruly chestnut brown hair wouldn 't lay flat , even with applications of industrial - strength hair - gel , and finally he 'd just given up and let it do what it wanted . His entire social life could , he thought , be summed up in the overheard exchange between two of his coworkers : " Oh , you know Ben , " one of them had said , and both had rolled their eyes and started laughing . Yup , he thought , looking at his injured butt with a dejected air . That 's about right . I can 't even get a dignified injury . Other people break an arm skiing ; I get bitten on the ass by a stray dog . He sighed heavily . Well , I won 't be telling anyone about this , he thought , and padded into his bedroom . I just won 't sit down at work until it stops hurting . Last thing I need is to give everyone another reason to laugh at me . He thought , a little wistfully , about his upstairs neighbor , Arianna . This sort of thing would never happen to her , he thought . And it would never happen to anyone who could ever be her boyfriend . Arianna , he thought , was the pinnacle of all that was sweet and smart and elegant . She was one of those people who could tie back her hair and put on a paint - stained sweatshirt and look stylish . She had a quick smile , and a kind laugh , played the guitar , and she cultivated orchids . No , Ben was certain - no one who cultivated orchids would ever be interested in him . He gave his hair another cursory toweling , and glanced at the clock on his nightstand . It said 9 : 17 . What single guy goes to bed at 9 : 17 on a Friday ? Ben thought . And immediately his mind replied , I do . And he got into bed ( rolling over onto his right side ) , pulled the covers up , and was asleep within minutes . And the next month passed , much the same as the previous ones had . The bite healed with remarkable swiftness , and the private indignity of having been bitten on the ass by a stray dog faded . Ben found , over the following weeks , that he was feeling unusually good . He got out of bed with energy , instead of needing his usual two cups of coffee even to be coherent , and his daily duties of heaving around boxes and bins didn 't leave him as exhausted as before . There was also this sudden , rather overwhelming upswing in his sex drive , which had previously been kept at a dull roar by the sad knowledge of his having no girlfriend . Now , he found , the sight of a cute customer in tight shorts was enough to leave him no choice but a quick visit to the men 's room . He 'd been feeling itchy all day . That 's the only way to say it - it was like an internal itch . It wasn 't exactly painful , but it certainly wasn 't pleasant , and he was glad that his shift was over at six . He felt like he needed to stretch , or lift weights , or maybe do about a hundred jumping jacks . It was like two giant , invisible hands were reaching into him , pulling his organs around , twisting some , compressing others , bending , pushing , pulling . He fell over forward , only catching himself from a painful face plant at the last minute . The whole thing was simultaneously painless and excruciating . He looked wildly around him , but there were no mirrors in his living room , and part of him was glad there weren 't . Then it was over , as quickly as it had begun . The itching was gone , but he felt disoriented and a little sick . He went into his bathroom , panting heavily . Trotted ? his addled brain cried out , but soon that thought was swamped . There was no room in his brain for anything other than the image he saw in the mirror . Because it wasn 't him . Or , more accurately , maybe it was him , but it wasn 't his usual concept of himself . In the mirror he saw a dog . The dog was smaller than your typical lab but larger than your typical poodle , and looked a little like he was built from spare parts . He had a curled tail like a husky , the short , square muzzle of a boxer , and the coat color of a German shepherd . He gave the dog an incredulous look . The dog , for his part , perked his rather ridiculous - looking floppy ears , furrowed his broad brow , and cocked his head at Ben . What the hell , he thought . Other people get to be werewolves - I 'm a weremongrel ? Well , that 's pretty unimpressive . It figures . But of course , there was no doubt . Mirrors don 't lie . But he still had to check . He lifted his left hand . The dog in the mirror lifted his left front paw . It must have been that dog bite a month ago , he thought . That 's how it always starts , doesn 't it ? A bite . And then the next full moon - whammo . He walked tentatively out into the living room , and glanced around him at the familiar surroundings - his couch , television , kitchen . It all looked the same , although a little dim and hazy and colorless , and a bit odd given the different angle . The smells , though … he recognized hundreds of odors , from the Chinese food he 'd brought home three days previous ( the empty boxes were still in the trash ) , the beer bottles by the sink waiting to be brought down to the returnables counter at the grocery store , even the smell of his shampoo from the bathroom . It was like a giant , multicolored tapestry of odors , each telling a story , each demanding his attention . He ran around the room , looking and smelling and wagging his tail . Tail ? Ben thought , and immediately realized that there wasn 't anything he could do to stop it from wagging , so he stopped thinking about it . He jumped on the couch . No dogs on the couch ! said his dad 's voice , from his childhood . Ben 's brain responded , yeah , but you 're not here , are you , dad ? I can do whatever I want when you 're not here ! The night sky was sparkling invitingly , with a brilliant full moon hanging in the blackness . He looked toward the window , and reached out a tentative paw . The screen was never too secure ; the frame was bent . Ben ( the human Ben ) had mentioned it to his landlady , but it hadn 't been high on either of their priorities lists . Ben 's human side remembered the loose screen ; Ben 's dog side said , Woo hoo ! Freedom ! He pushed the screen with both paws , and it fell outward , landing on the ground outside with a thunk . Ben the dog followed suit within less than a second . A hedge broke his fall , but he rolled free and scrambled back to his feet , and galloped out into the night . Being a dog , Ben found , had its advantages . There was an essentially infinite amount of fun to be had . A cat or a squirrel was like a gift from the gods . Best still , there was a significant portion of the world that simply didn 't matter . Ben hadn 't realized how much of his discontent in life had come from being forced to pay attention to things that he just didn 't care about . Now , as a dog , if you couldn 't eat it , chase it , roll in it , pee on it , sniff it , or hump it , you could safely ignore it . He arrived back at his house at a little before six , not that he knew or cared much what exact time it was . All he knew was that the dog part of his brain , which had been getting progressively stronger as the night wore on , was demanding that he return . When he got to the front of the house , he looked up at it . It looked a lot bigger than he remembered . He saw the screen , bent even worse than before , lying on its side on the dew - covered grass . His living room window was a rectangular hole , lit from within , because of course he had neither thought of , nor been capable of , turning out the lights before leaving . Dogs in distress don 't have a lot of options . They don 't have available to them the usual range of articulations that humans have . Faced with a sudden , urgent need to be inside the house , and no way to get there , Ben the dog did what every dog in the history of the dog / human relationship has done in a similar circumstance ; he gave a pitiful whine . In the upper window - Arianna 's apartment - there was a hint of a movement . He cocked his head , ears perked . The curtain twitched aside a little , but the hoped - for sound of a window sliding up and a blessed voice saying , " What is it , fella ? Do you want to come inside ? " never came . By this time , the sky was shot through with pearl , and there was a bright spot on the edge of the horizon . Ben felt a sudden and overwhelming fatigue ; it covered his panic like a soft blanket . He crawled through the hedge , considered once more trying to jump up into his open window . Ben awoke to the sound of a car driving by . It may have been only minutes later . He had slept so soundly that it was impossible to tell . As this novel realization struck him , the memory of the events of the previous night came flooding back into his brain . And then he recognized another advantage dogs have ; they don 't care if anyone sees them naked . In fact , the concept of nakedness isn 't even part of their mental set . It is , however , part of the human mental set , and Ben 's stomach clenched with anxiety as he peered out from between the shrubs . He didn 't live on a busy street - but still . It would just figure , ending a night that had actually been brilliant fun with being arrested for indecent exposure . He wriggled his way forward on the scratchy bed of leaves and bark mulch , and poked his head out . No one much seemed to be out - it was early , and fortunately , a Sunday morning . He had only to time it right , and perhaps he could make a dash for the door without being seen . " Hi , " Arianna said , smiling fetchingly . There she stood , resplendent in ragged shorts and a faded t - shirt that said " This T - Shirt and I Climbed Mt . Washington . " Her wavy black hair was held back by a clip , and her brown eyes regarded him with friendly interest . Ben felt his brain melt into sludge . " I just was wondering if that was your doggy I saw outside , early this morning ? " Arianna said . " He sounded like he wanted to come in , and I was worried … " Ben stared at her , trying to will his brain to come up with something clever . Finally he gulped out , " I just got him . I haven 't named him yet . " " Listen , " she said , and looked a little ill at ease for the first time . " I like to cook . I got some stuff to make pad thai - you want to come up for dinner tonight ? Maybe we can talk about dog names . " Ben goggled a little , and had to resist physically the impulse to wag a tail he no longer had . " Sure , " he said . " That 'd be great . " If Ben 's image of Arianna was inaccurate , it was only in degree . She was kind , funny , smart , and talented . She worked for a design firm , doing layout for brochures , posters , and advertisements , and Ben had to fight down the self - defeating question of why on earth anyone like her would be interested in anyone like him . " Oh , he rolled in something disgusting , " Ben said . He 'd anticipated this comment , and had come up with the answer that afternoon . " You know dogs . And he was a stray . I got him at the SPCA . " " Awww , " Arianna said . " I love that . There are so many pets that need a home . " She smiled at him . " You know , I wonder if you picked him out because you look alike . " " Well , yes and no , " Arianna said . " He was Beowulf 's enemy . But he was only a monster because he wasn 't one thing or the other - he wasn 't a man , wasn 't an animal , wasn 't good , wasn 't evil . You get the idea in the story that he didn 't want to do bad things , but he just sort of couldn 't help it . " She grinned . " Like rolling in nasty - smelling stuff . " " Well , " she finally said , " I 'm so glad I got up my nerve to ask you to dinner . It 's been a wonderful evening . " She rose up on her tiptoes and gave him a light kiss on the mouth that sent an electric tingle all the way down to the soles of his feet . " I bet your doggy misses you . " Oh , and she won 't notice you don 't actually have a dog ? What 'll you say when she comes down to your apartment - your dog is vacationing in the Keys ? Your dog is away at his high school reunion ? This girl is smart . You 've got to tell her . First off , he worried that it was becoming obvious that he didn 't want to invite her down to his apartment . The excuse of " it 's a mess " only worked for so long . At some point , the question of , " so why the hell don 't you clean it up ? " would certainly occur to her . Every time she seemed to be hinting that she 'd like to come down to his place , he veered off into a suggestion of plans to go out . It didn 't seem to bother her , not yet . She just looked a little amused , as if she found his shyness about her seeing his place charming . But he wouldn 't be able to keep it up , he knew that . He let it go another week and a half . The next full moon , September 1 , was barreling toward him like a runaway truck . He had the option of waiting , and seeing if it would actually happen again , but in his heart he knew that it would . He could already feel the beginning of the internal itch , and the full moon was still two days away . Well , weren 't there options ? He could pretend to be sick , and when he turned into a dog just stay in his apartment and hope she didn 't come and knock on the door . Dammit , no , he thought . If I 'm a weredog , I 'm going to enjoy it . Being a dog was fun . I want to do it again , and I don 't want to waste my one night a month hiding under the bed . Oh , yeah , he thought bitterly . She 'll understand that I 'm a loony . I should just turn back now , tell her we need to break up , it 's not going to work out . " I … no ! " he said . " God , no . I 'd be a moron . " He didn 't mention that he 'd actually considered it on the walk to the restaurant . Her shoulders relaxed . " Good . Wow . The way your voice changed , there , suddenly you had me worried . " She took a little sip of wine . " Because , you know … " She looked down . " I was kind of hoping you 'd spend the night with me tonight . " " Listen , " he finally said . " I have to tell you something , something about me . You may change your mind about spending the night with me after . I understand if you do . " " No ! " he said . God , this was not going well . " Neither . I 'm not gay , and I can … do it . Just fine . I think . I mean , it 's hard to judge yourself in that way , so … " He trailed off , and then smacked his forehead with the base of his palm . " Look , can I just tell you ? This is hard enough without you speculating . " " Yes . Two months ago , I got bitten by a stray dog . Or , at least , I thought at the time it was a stray . I guess it was … something else . Because at the next full moon , I turned into a dog . " Arianna stared at him some more . " You don 't have to believe me , " Ben said . " I understand if you want to go home . I can walk back . " She shook her head . " I don 't want to go home . Yet . " She looked deeply into his eyes . " And we have plans for tonight , remember ? " She raised one eyebrow . " You don 't get … you know , violent or anything ? You know , like the werewolf movies , where the werewolf tears his sweetheart to shreds and feels guilty forever after . " He nodded . " It 's a blast . It 's like being a kid again , but no parents , no teachers , nobody in charge . All you want to do is play and just experience what 's out there . " He added , a little wistfully , " I wish it lasted longer , that 's all . " " Jury 's still out on that one . But I know there are some weird things in the world . Why shouldn 't this be one of them ? " She leaned back in her chair , and said , musingly , " So , my boyfriend turns into a dog once a month . It could be worse . My best friend 's boyfriend turns into an asshole at least three times a week . " He smiled . " I guess . " He paused , and his face became serious . " Are you sure you want to be there , when … it happens ? I have a feeling that the transformation … it 's not pretty . " " Okay , " he said . " Two nights from now . We have a date . " He laughed a little . " Maybe after , we could go to the park and play fetch or something . " September 1 dawned with showers and wind , and Ben couldn 't think about anything all day but the growing restive itchiness , and his anxiety over how Arianna would deal with his transformation . Maybe she 'll get scared and stay home , he thought . But at six PM , she was at his door , a bottle of wine under her arm , her expression serious . Arianna went and got two glasses and a corkscrew , and poured out the wine . She handed him his glass , and held hers up . " To an adventure , " she said , and they clinked their glasses together . The wine helped to calm him a little , but by seven thirty , he was sweating profusely , and shaking violently . He stood up . " I think it 's starting , " he said . " I need to get undressed . " He had barely gotten his shirt off when he looked up , and noticed that Arianna was doing the same thing ; she had her t - shirt off , and was working the button on her shorts . In the whirlwind of sensations that accompanied the transformation , the puzzlement over this got lost in the physical torrent of pulling , pushing , sliding . He fell forward onto the floor , felt his bones drawing together , fingers shrinking , the tickle of fur sprouting from the bare skin of his back and chest . But Arianna wasn 't there . Standing next to him was a sleek , black and white female border collie , with laughing brown eyes . She trotted up to him , pressed her nose against his side and nuzzled him briefly . She then gave him a nudge toward the door - which he only then noticed she had left a little ajar . A pilot crash - lands in a crater . His ship is scrap metal . But will his rescuer decide that the best thing for all concerned is to let him die ?
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On April 24 , 2017April 24 , 2017 By ViolincatIn DIFT , Generation 3 , Our Different Paths , Simnovel , Sims 3 , Sims 3 Legacy , Sims 3 Story14 Comments I came home from school and immediately heard raised voices in the house . Or rather , one raised voice - Dad 's . And I knew without even seeing the other people near him what this was all about . " I 'm serious , is everything ok ? " worry began to prickle at me . I was only in fourth grade , but my sister and I were very close . It wasn 't normal for her to just shut me out like this , with no response . " So , what are you going to do now ? " I asked , joining her on the floor . " I mean , you 'll have to decide soon , right ? " " I will , " she nodded . " I just need to figure out how to do it without them freaking out too much . Hey , how do you even know all this grown - up stuff ? You 're in fourth grade . " " Phoenix ! ! ! " My sister shrieked . It was hilarious , really . Wen Quiang was her close childhood friend , and I guess , as they grew up , they became closer still . I don 't know if our parents realized it , but they 've started dating some time ago and Millie was definitely head over heels for the guy . And I was quite sure our folks didn 't realize how far they 've gone in their relationship . " What ? I 'm just stating the facts . Hey , when did you guys begin sleeping together anyways ? I thought you were both super busy . " My sister was in the advanced biology program at the local high school and on top of her already impressive school , she was doing a zoological internship at a local lab . Plus , she was still taking art classes . She has little time on her time , in general , and as far as I knew , Quiang , being a senior in high school , was almost as stressed out and overworked as she was . The fact that they found time to make a baby was really surprising . My sister sighed . " It 's all because of homecoming . Sort of , " she explained . " You know how a lot of girls think Quiang is cute ? Well , that translates into them not liking me very much , because he 's with me . And at homecoming , stuff kind of escalated . As soon as he and I showed up together , they started acting like a bunch of vultures , glaring at us , snickering . Another person wouldn 't have cared , but I can 't help it , this stuff gets to me . Anyways , Quiang noticed and he suggested we leave for someplace friendlier . So we headed off to that lodge in the mountains , since it 's always really nice and fresh there , and they were supposed to have one of those outdoor movie nights , but apparently we got the day wrong . Anyways , I was still upset and neither of us wanted to go home , so we ended up getting a room so we could just chill out and watch a movie together , but … well , once we had a room , we kind of realized that we probably wouldn 't have a chance like this in the near future , with the comfort and the privacy , and one thing led to another … And then , after the first time , there wasn 't really a reason to stop sleeping together . " " No , I didn 't want to tell him until I knew for sure , " she admitted . " I don 't even know how he 'll react . Neither of us planned for this . " " I guess , we 'll see , dear brother , I guess we 'll see . Well , thanks for lending me a friendly ear . I could sure use it , " she admitted . " I can 't believe you of all people are in this situation ! " Dad was pacing around the living room while Mom and Millie were slumped in the couch and the armchair , watching him . " You 're an A + student in Biology ; surely you know how these things happen ! " " So what are you doing now ? " Dad asked with exhaustion in his voice . He and Mom were the owners of the local pharmaceutical company and from what I understood about the business , it was very stressful and tiring . But while Mom and Dad usually seemed to have a lot of energy , Millie 's news must have taken a lot out of them . Frankly , I didn 't understand why . Mom always said children were a miracle . So , if anyone , she should 've been happy , right ? " I didn 't plan for this child , but I 'd be lying if I said I didn 't want them , " my sister admitted . " I 've always wanted children . Not that early , true , but now that it 's happening , I already love them with all my heart and can 't wait to meet them . " " And look on the bright side , David , " Mom added . " At least we know for sure Millie doesn 't have my kind of problem . That 's already good . " " True , " he sighed , " I guess congratulations are in order ? " He sank into the seat next to the rest of the family . " You 're going to be a mom ! " It was looking like the situation in our living room was getting diffused and the family has peacefully accepted the situation . That was good . That meant Millie wouldn 't have to worry more than necessary ( that 's right , I knew it was bad for pregnant ladies to worry ) and that we could have dinner relatively soon . " Ay ! Is everyone finally on the same page ? Millie 's pregnant , you 're going to be grandparents , and I 'm going to be an uncle . Awesome - sauce ! Now can we all go eat ? I 'm sure Millie must be hungry now , and frankly , so am I , " I went over to my family reminding them that the world didn 't stop . " Phoenix ? You were here all along ? How much did you hear ? Wait , you knew all along , didn 't you ? " Mom asked , realizing that this was only news to them . " You are . And just so you know , you aren 't leaving school , young lady . We still expect you to stay on top of your grades , " Dad warned . " Wasn 't planning to leave . And I 'm not quitting the internship either . I 've worked hard enough for it , I 've earned it . Maybe that way , the baby can have important skills later , right out of the womb ? Studies show that what a mother does during her pregnancy has a huge impact on the child 's development , " Millie reasoned . That was my sister . She always had the right priorities in life . I had no idea what my future nephew would be like , but I knew he would have the best mother ever . " I do . I 'm at the end of first trimester , it seems . The doctor confirmed I 'm even further along than I thought , " my sister explained calmly . " But that doesn 't matter in the least . I want this baby . I 'm keeping the baby . " " Oh , I am . I 'm scared silly . But I 'm also kind of happy . You know how my parents wanted to go back to China permanently once school was done ? Well , now that won 't happen . There 's no way they are going to ditch their grandkid and go to a different country now ! And we are having a baby together ! Have you begun thinking of baby names yet ? " " That 's cool . We 've got months to decide . And just so you know , whatever you need , I 'm here . I 'm going to be a hundred percent here for both you and the baby , " he promised . He even asked her to slow dance with him , when the radio began to play a popular slow ballad . And from Millie 's shining eyes , anyone could tell that , despite her unexpected pregnancy , she was really happy . They both were . On the way to my room , I once again , looked at the happy couple . They didn 't even notice me observing them . I couldn 't help but wonder how they knew that the other person was " the one " for them , have known for years now . It seemed like a really foreign idea . After all , there were so many different people in the world . But then again , I still had time to figure it all out . I was only in fourth grade . Despite morning sickness , backaches and other symptoms of pregnancy , Millie really glowed during hers . She actually had a countdown on her wall , where she eagerly marked off the days until my new nephew was here . Even our dog Sherlock seemed to be in on the excitement , but then again , animals often reflected their favorite owners ' emotions . I liked my new nephew . He was cute and he seemed like a bright kid , although he was still kind of young to tell . But the amount of care he required ? It was immense . I had no idea how my sister stayed on top of it all . Sure my parents , Quiang , and his family helped out , but still . " It 's such a lovely place , isn 't it ? The food , the atmosphere , the nature . I loved our trip so much that I still keep trying to convince Liam to go back sometime , " she recalled fondly . " Yes , that 's it ! Good times , good times . I feel like traveling is such a good bonding experience for the whole family . Did you get to learn any of the local recipes ? " she asked . " Unfortunately not . We were usually too busy being out and about to really relax . I feel like my legs haven 't recovered from all that walking still ! But apart from that , we found out what we needed to know , " I concluded . " Oh yes , about the medication ! At least you know now why it cured your mother , right ? I must admit , your parents have been giving us all couple goals for years here , " she smiled . " It 's so lucky to find someone that special . " " Sorry . The food is perfect , I 've just been feeling kind of queasy lately . Honestly , I think I 've caught some weird bug while abroad . Or maybe , foreign food wasn 't in agreement with me , " I wondered out loud . " Oh , no . It isn 't necessary . I mean , all of our IVF tries have failed , and there is no way I could get pregnant naturally , as things stand , " I shook my head . " You never know . Seriously , go take one now . There should be over twenty of them in the bathroom cabinet , " she urged me , and upon seeing my surprised face , explained " My Betty got herself knocked up by that boyfriend of hers . She kept taking one test after another last week , complaining how a pregnancy would make her sit out over a season of her team 's games . I 'm telling you , that girl has no idea how blessed she is ! But seriously , go take one . " Could I really be pregnant ? I didn 't want to get my hopes up just yet . But if there was even a small chance … then I was willing to spend the entire 9 months hurling just to be able to hold my child in my arms . " I don 't know . I think she may have had a heart attack , but she wouldn 't go to the hospital no matter how much Dad , Katie , and I are begging her to , " he admitted . " Maybe you should come talk to her ? " " I can sit down , but you have to promise not to worry so much . It 's normal to get random aches when you 're my age . Not the first and certainly not the last , " she shrugged . " I know . But I can 't help worrying . You 're my mother . And none of us are prepared to part with you just yet . We all love you , you know that , right ? " " I think it was right . Call it a mother 's gut feeling , dear , " she sighed contentedly , sinking into the rocking chair . " I promise I 'll take care of myself . I want to see this little one . But it 's 3 am , you should go home now , sweetheart . " " Oh , a lot , I guess . This isn 't the first time Mom 's been feeling ill . She hasn 't been in the best of health for a while now . Dad too , but what can you do , it 's old age , " he admitted . " But you know how Mom is - she always has been a stubborn one . She hates going to the doctors or telling people when something is hurting . " " I had no idea , " I frowned . Whenever Irene and I were over at the Meadows household , Celeste always looked very sprightly , but I now understood she was doing her best to put on a healthy front when Irene was here . " She didn 't ' want to worry Irene ? " " Understandable , " Gerald nodded . " You guys needed a break from all this crap . And I 'm not sure if it was even in any major news outlets . But basically , Marilyn Johnson is dead . " " Well , that 's the thing . It 's ruled a suicide . But , Marilyn didn 't really strike me as someone who was likely to end her own life . And considering that it happened while she was transported to the penitentiary , I can 't help but think there was foul play involved , " Gerald admitted . " Maybe someone wanted to silence her ? Perhaps , the person who helped her escape ? " " I 'm sure of it . Look , she was in an asylum for the criminally insane , under high security . And then , just like that , she escapes , makes it all the way here , and even has time to dye her hair and acquire effective incendiary agent , all in record time ? She had to have outside help . Which brings up a new question : who and why ? " " Maybe someone still has a grudge against me and my family ? " I offered . " I mean , my father screwed over a lot of people . We 've tried to make it up to everyone , but we might 've missed someone . " " And instead of bringing up their grievance like normal people , they sic a criminal on you , only to eliminate her once she fails to accomplish the job … " Gerald considered . " It 's possible . But I have this weird feeling that something else is going on that we don 't know much about . What I 'm saying is , keep your eyes peeled . " " I 'm already working that side of things . Roman and I have been trying to research Dad 's side of the family , and so far , there is a lot of family history to go through . We 'll contact you if we find anything noteworthy , " he promised . " There you are ! I studied your test results , Irene . What we have here is nothing short of a miracle , I tell you . You are , indeed , pregnant ! " she exclaimed . " What ? But how ? " David was shocked . I still didn 't tell him about the positive test result , so it was a complete surprise to him . " Wish I knew , " Dr . Klein shrugged . " This is the first time I see people with your diagnosis conceiving naturally . But I 'm just happy for you . " " Do you hear that , Irene ? You 're pregnant . We 're having a baby ! " David put his arms around me and pulled me close . From then on , I had to take it easy . I took complete maternity leave from work . The company was doing well enough without me at the moment and stress on the baby wasn 't something I was going to risk . I even asked Dr . Klein if I should go on bed rest , but all the tests for me and the baby were looking good , so she said there was no reason for it , as long as I made sure not to overdo things . Apparently , neither could Millie . She was very excited to have a little brother or sister . And thankfully , due to her interest in biology , David and I didn 't have to explain to her why the baby was inside of my belly . " I am actually . I miss your mother , but I know she is in a good place . And she would want me to spend extra time with our family , for the both of us , " he explained . " You know , this pregnancy really is making you glow . " " Good evening , it 's lovely to meet you all , " Yang greeted everyone . " And it 's especially an honor to meet you , Mr . Meadows . Your work has inspired me for many years . " " Is everything ok ? You seem uncomfortable with Yang for some reason , but I assure you , she is a great person . We really got to know them well in China , " I told her . " Oh , it 's not that ! I don 't doubt she is nice . She just looks a lot like someone else . It 's kind of hard to explain … " she drifted off . Even before we stepped off the plane , I knew coming to China was a great decision . The beautiful countryside that could be seen from our illuminators was mesmerizing to say the least . And there was something so serene about this place that I regretted not having the chance to come here earlier . " It 's so beautiful ! " yelled Millie upon seeing the giant lotus flowers blooming in local waters . " Can we plant one at home ? Please ? Do you think Mr . Simon could plant some lotuses back in Hidden Springs ? " " Actually , Dad told me that the lotus is seen locally as a symbol for perseverance , due to its ability to grow and bloom in severe conditions , " I added in my own botanical knowledge . " So , if we had a pond at home , we totally could plant one . Maybe we can still get a small flower , after all . " " I 'm just saying , a swim would be nice right now . We are on vacation after all ! And it 's not even too deep , " he winked . " Show - off ! " I yelled back . It was a good thing that we 've planned to visit the hot springs some time later , so we wore our swimsuits today . I stripped down to mine and jumped into the water as well . It was good … " Tomorrow . Mr . Wen said they were out of town and have only just come back to Shang Simla . So , we have this whole day just to ourselves . " The garden was less of a garden and more of a park . But from the looks of it , it was the best place in town for meditation . Dozens of locals came in quietly to relax and to feel one with nature . And honestly , I envied them . Even as a kid , peace of mind was a very foreign notion to me . I would always be thinking about something or other , worried about homework , or school , or Gerald and our parents , or any other thing . The idea of clearing my mind was something out of the realm of the impossible . " It 's really beautiful , " David admitted quietly , as we stood at one of the highest points in the park , with the view of the valley spread out in front of us . " I think I can understand why people come here to meditate . The land itself calls out to the soul here . " And not just in the Scholar 's Garden . Even in the town , there was an air of peace , of calm . Even our nature - friendly Hidden Springs didn 't have that quality . Or did it ? Perhaps , we were just too busy with our everyday lives to notice , to really give ourselves a break . Maybe that 's why people felt so rested after vacation ? The change of place gave them a chance to see things in a different light . It was true . After we 've recovered from the fire and made arrangements for our home to be repaired , what weight of what happened began to sink in . How truly lucky we were to have made it out of that fire alive . It really made us all see life in a different light . David , he seemed to have found this newfound lease on life . While he was always the reserved , prone to stress type before , he was now less likely to worry about every tiny thing that could happen . I liked seeing that change in him . Even if it meant he was likely to go swimming in the middle of the town , just for kicks ! Me ? I haven 't really found a newfound lease on life . But ending up in the hospital after that fire really made me feel how close I came to saying goodbye to everyone I knew in this world … And that made me realize that all the time I 've spent worrying over not being able to conceive could be spent enjoying life with the ones I cared about . So what if I couldn 't have my own child ? I loved Millie like she was mine . I had David by my side . I knew they loved me , as did the rest of family . From now on , I was going to focus on living in the moment and to enjoy my life , because you never knew when the end could come . This was another side effect of surviving the fire - the never - ending lust . But I wasn 't complaining . We stayed up quite late that night … " Kids , right ? Always so energetic , " Yang laughed . " Alright , then ! You were calling about the plant you were using for the medication in your company , right ? " " Of course I do . We all do . Here , we call it Shēngmìng de Guǒshí , or the Fruit of Life . We 've known about it for centuries . You probably want to know why it doesn 't work in medication , right ? " she smiled . " Yes . Customer reviews say that it would help people for a bit but then their illness would come back . Do you know why it 's happening ? " " I thought so , " she nodded . " Then let me congratulate you : your parents have found true love . Such a rare thing in this world . Although , I like to think Yijun and I have it . " She smiled at her husband . " You see , it only works when it is given to the sick person by someone who truly loves them . " She shrugged . " Magic , probably . To be fair , we haven 't done any lab research on the plant , but the results speak for themselves . Of all the times it has worked for people , it was given to them by someone who truly cared about them . " " There is even a story involving the plant , from back in the old days , " Yijun chimed in . " Back in 15th century , the only daughter on the local king fell deathly ill . He called in the best healers from all over the country , and none of them could help her . He was fully prepared to bury his only child until the poor shepherd boy , who was in love with her , brought her this fruit . Within days , the girl got better . Of course , they married afterwards , the king was so happy to have his daughter recover that he didn 't even care about the boy 's social status . By the way , the local Scholar 's Garden was planned by that princess and her husband . They never got to build it , but their descendants did . " " That 's sweet . " Well , we knew now what the problem with the medication was . Looks like , it would have to be pulled from the market . I still couldn 't wrap my head around the whole idea of magical properties , but then again , who knew ? " I guess we should pull the medication from the market , since it doesn 't work . How come no one has ever published that story ? About how this fruit works ? " " You 've seen how it works firsthand , but even you have trouble believing in the whole magical theory . And anyways , there are countless myths around the world regarding the plant . Those who truly need it for someone usually find it , " Yijun explained . " Like your father did . " " I suppose that 's true . Thank you for having us in your home . It 's been great to meet you , " David and I prepared to take our leave . " We have more plants in our property in the neighboring town , but we still plant a few things here as well . We 've planted a few , in case someone needs to cure someone they care about . That way , they don 't have to go hunting all over the world for it , " she explained . " Would you like to take a few ? " she offered . " I hope no one is sick in your family , but it 's good to have one around , just in case . And I know your father is good with plants , so he can grow it . " " Thank you , " I smiled at our lovely host . " I think my father would love to have one at hand again . The one he grew previously was stolen . " " Oh , I totally forgot to tell you , we 'll be in Hidden Springs sometime this year . I 've already arranged with my relatives to care for my garden , but we 're going to your town to find out more about your unusual flora . It 's all due to the research your father has published a few years ago . My university has been granted funds and they 're sending me to study the local soil better . So , we 'll be neighbors , for a while , at least . " This is how , one day , we found ourselves camped out in the mountainous area away from the town . It was a very green location , just perfect for setting up camp . Since we were away from home , we had no camping equipment with us , but a grill was always easy to find . After going higher into the hill , I came to what appeared to be an abandoned barn . The area surrounding it was wild , but welcoming , with a bubbling creek flowing through it . It reminded me of the places where Mom and I used to fish together back at home . I sat down to enjoy the nature around me and to give my legs a well - earned break . I too was rather tired from all the walking . But finding this place was worth the walk . I opened my eyes to find myself looking at Yang . No wait , it couldn 't be Yang ! This woman had paler skin and longer hair and even though she looked a lot like my new friend , there were certain differences in their appearance , once you 've looked closer . " Hello ? I 'm sorry if I 'm intruding . I was just walking and I believe I fell asleep . I 'll leave now , " I tried to excuse myself . " No need , child , " the woman reassured me , even though she looked to be my age or younger still . " I believe you have good reason to be here . There is always a reason for everything in life . " " Ok ? I 'm sorry , but what is your name ? You look a lot like someone I know , " I couldn 't contain my curiosity . " Take a look at this creek , " she told me . " Look at the way it flows . It 's full of life , movement . You need to let this life into yours . Go for a swim . " " You know how to swim , right ? Don 't worry , it 's not very deep . Your life is missing something right now and sometimes you need to go with the flow to acquire it , " she explained . Despite the absurdity of it all , I followed her advice , shrugged off my dress and went into the water . It was summer , but the water was cool , even freezing . But as soon as I was enveloped by it , I felt more alive than I 've felt in all the years that I 've been alive . " I know . That 's nature for you . It will surprise you if you let it , " she laughed from the shore . " Well , you 're good now . Enjoy your swim and feel free to visit again if you 're ever here . " " How strange , " I thought . Telling someone to go for a swim and just walking off ? However , the waters around me were still refreshing and I didn 't want to leave them yet … It was true . My dream has invigorated me in a way no coffee ever has before . I could walk a thousand more miles , run a hundred marathons , fly … What I did plan was for us to take a romantic bath together . I 've acquired a relaxing scented bubble bath within days of our arrival , but haven 't had the chance to use it yet . So when David came in and saw me in that bathtub , with nothing on but the bubbles … he liked my idea very much . " Let me remind you , then . " Somehow , despite the limited space in the tub , he managed to change his position so that he was on top of me . I looked him straight in the eyes , inviting him in . David chuckled . " It 's a good thing Millie sleeps deeply . Otherwise , we might 've had to have The Talk with her much earlier than expected . " It was the last day of our stay in China and even though we all loved it here , we missed home too . And we have already been called by the contractors who worked on repairing our house - all the work was done . We were free to go home . Of course , Millie didn 't want to leave her friend behind . She and the Wens ' son became close friends during our stay here . But of course , they would be coming to Hidden Spring shortly , so their separation won 't be long . We were spending the day at the spa . As I leaned back in the pool lounger and looked at my family playing in the pool , I was overcome with a sense of happiness . I 've made many questionable decisions in my life , but this family was not one of them . And as long as they were with me , everything was going to be alright . On April 10 , 2017 By ViolincatIn DIFT , Generation 2 , Our Different Paths , Sims 3 , Sims 3 Legacy , Sims 3 Story13 Comments " I really don 't know what to say , " Dr . Klein admitted . " It should be working . I don 't understand why it isn 't . " I was trying to see the positive side of things , I was . This didn 't mean complete failure . There were still ways to have a baby … Just not one that I would carry , probably . Dr . Klein paused . " I don 't know , " she admitted . " Usually , either the process gives results or the people just stop trying . And I 'm not saying I want you to stop trying . But not only is IVF expensive , it isn 't really a pleasant process in itself … Perhaps , you should take a break for a period of time . And in the meanwhile , I 'm going to continue my research on the matter . There is bound to be something else we can do . " " Hey , " David turned to me . " Don 't let the funk get to you . Just because this didn 't work , doesn 't mean nothing will . We can still have a baby . " " At least we tried , right ? And look at the Uptons . They 've pretty much given up hope of ever conceiving and then they did . I guess what I 'm saying is , you never know how things will turn out . " " I really hope you 're right , " I sighed . I felt guilty for thinking it , but it was somewhat easier for him to stay positive , since he already had a child of his own . And I loved Millie more than I thought would have been possible , but I still wanted a child that was biologically mine . " By the way , I 've almost forgotten , but your father called last night when you were asleep . I didn 't want to wake you up , since you were so tired . I told him you 'll call him back today , " David perked up . " He sounded really intrigued by something . " " Hmm , I wonder what it is that caught his fancy this time . " As Dad got older and his stamina for gardening diminished , he began to spend more time with his scientific experiments and research . Everyone was happier for it - he was less tired , while Mom and the rest of us worried less about him accidentally hurting himself in the garden . " Oh , that , " I nodded . Ever since Collier Enterprises was exposed , we have made attempts to give proper credit and payments to people who got swindled out of their money by Lionel . Dad was one of the very few who have refused monetary payment , as long as his name was listed on the research . " I wonder what he wants to know . Even when he found that plant , I only knew that it worked , but not how . Dad was the only one who understood all the scientific specifics about it . So , really , I should be asking him about it . " " Irene , honey ! Come play a match with your old man , " he called , after I declined the hearty mac ' n ' cheese he offered me . " I 'm glad you 're here . How has life been treating you ? How are you feeling ? " " Long story short - I 've been reading customer output regarding this medication . It seems like , in almost every case that the medicine was used , the illness went away for a short period of time , only to return later , " he explained . " And I want to know why . And why hasn 't it happened to your mother ? Can her sickness still come back ? Do I need to worry ? I want to understand what is happening . " " Thank you , dear . Now you 've been letting your old man beat you at this . I know you 're better at chess than this weak game ! " There , I got online and began reading patient reviews of the medication based off the lifefruit . Everything looked just how Dad described it . Patients would experience a temporary improvement in health , only to get sick again after a while . Most likely , I thought , the pharmaceutical company added some new ingredient that interacted badly with the healing properties of the plant . But of course , this would have to be researched more closely . I leaned back in my chair , smiling . The little girl was still extremely taken with her art , but now she had another interest that took up a lot of her fascination . In other words , all talk of boarding school was over , which put all of our minds and hearts to rest . " What babysitter ? " I asked feeling confused . David and I have considered hiring a babysitter when Millie has first arrived to us , but it all worked out without us needing one . " Umm , the one who came to pick Millie up from class today ? She seemed surprised to hear that Millie wasn 't here today , so I thought , maybe there has been some change of plans , " Mrs . Andrews explained , admitting , " I don 't mean to sound offensive , but I 'm a bit surprised you 've hired this woman to look after your stepdaughter . She seemed rather strange . " " We haven 't ! We don 't have a babysitter ! " I choked out . " And you know we always either pick Millie up ourselves or have her take the school bus . Wait , what did this woman looked like ? " " She was kind of tall , slender , dark hair , I believe , although , she wore a hat . There was something about her eyes though . I can 't really explain it , but it felt off to me , " the teacher admitted . " I will keep an eye out for her in the future . And you should probably call the police . Or , should I do it ? " " That 's alright ; I think I should call them . Thank you for your vigilance . I 'm glad you 've checked in with me about this . " " It 's my job . I always try to make sure there aren 't any sketchy persons near the kids . Well , take care now . " With that , the teacher hung up , leaving me more than a little panicked . " That 's troubling . We should call the police . But don 't worry about Millie , I already see her . She 's fine . " He hung up , and I was about to ring the police when our doorbell rang . " No , but come in , Mr . Rosswell . Why didn 't you call us ? We could 've picked you up at the airport , " I invited the older man in . " I don 't know , Irene , I just don 't know . And I 'm ashamed to admit it , but no one has realized she was missing until the institution orderly realized that she hasn 't eaten several meals . I came here as fast as I could after finding out , " he explained . " I have already contacted Hidden Spings PD on the way here . You probably won 't like it , but we 're going to assign a unit to watch over you . This woman , she is obsessed with your family . I 'm afraid she is going to come here and I want to catch her before she does any damage . " " Oh my god … " I blanched . " A woman claiming to be Millie 's babysitter has tried to take her from her art class . The teacher said there was something off about her . That must have been Marilyn . " " Is that so ? Well , I guess she works faster than we expected , then . You know , I do wonder how she was able to do it . The security at her institution was really tight . And now she is here , so fast … Well , never mind that , let 's just make sure everyone is safe . " By the time David has arrived with a happily chattering Millie in tow , Mr . Rosswell and I were already discussing what we could do to keep safe . As soon as David was filled in on what has happened , he has decided that it would be best to keep Millie from going to school for the next week and to have her come to work with us . After all , safety in numbers was a thing . Taking Millie out of school for a week didn 't pose much of a problem . She had all her assignments with her and she could do them at the office . Besides , since we 've decided to keep the entire family under police watch , the dog came with us and the little girl was ecstatic to have her furry friend with her at all times . That was what created the opening for Marilyn to strike . Had the dog stayed at home , he would have made plenty of noise , alerting police to a stranger 's presence . As it was , the sole policeman who stayed at the house never realized anyone was there but him . That night , we had dinner as usual . The police watching over us didn 't join us in order to attract less attention , so it was just the three of us and the dog . Millie kept recalling the wonderful zoological lecture from three days ago . Apparently , after the lecture ended , Terry Farrel , the zoologist himself ended up having a chat with her and even gifted her a new interesting book that had so much interesting information . We watched a movie . We weren 't supposed to be terrified all the time , just because Marilyn was on the loose . At least , we were trying not to be . " But we have smoke detectors … Millie ! ! ! " I realized the girl was in the house as well and the thought woke me up for good . We both rushed out of our bedroom and into the hallway , which luckily was not on fire yet , even if it was filled with smoke already . " You 're ok ! Come on , Millie ! " screamed David , pulling his daughter to her feet . " We need to get out of the house as fast as possible , before everything burns down and there is no way out . " " Backdoor , now ! " David shouted , pulling us in the opposite direction . The flames were intense , but by some miracle we made it to the patio door , only to find it locked from the outside as well . " It 's thinner than the front door . We break it , " announced David , pushing against the glass panes with his whole weight . Eventually , the glass panes buckled under his intense pressure and the shattering sound was followed by the creation of our way out . " Mom , you 're ok ! " The little girl rushed towards me and enveloped me in a hug . " Mom " was definitely a new development , but it brought a smile to my face . I looked over at David , who was grinning in relief . " You 've been out for three days . You 've inhaled a lot of smoke in the house and passed out as soon as we got out . We 've all inhaled some , but it seems like you 've had it the worst . We were really scared for you . Your parents were here until an hour ago . They finally went to get some sleep . " " Easy , easy , " David tried to calm me down . " Sherlock is fine except for some singed fur , he 's with your parents . The doctors were having a hard time restraining him from trying to get into your room , so I thought it was best he stay with someone who can take care of him for now . " " He saved us all that night , " Millie added . " His barking woke us all up . Tell Mom why the smoke detectors didn 't go off ? " " Yeah , about that , " David explained . " Marilyn was in our house while we were all out . She tampered with the smoke detectors and spilled the incendiary agent around our house . And Sherlock must have smelled it , which was why he 's been acting so strange all day . But being a dog , he had no way to convey the message to us . " " Mr . Rosswell was the one who arrived to our house after you passed out . He rode with us in the ambulance to the hospital and explained things . Apparently , someone called in a bomb threat to the airport and all the local police were called there for patrol . Of course , that someone turned out to be Marilyn , who did it to make sure no one was around to help us . And we know all this because they caught her , " he finished . " Wait , how ? If all the police were busy ? And who called the ambulance ? " I was probably still sick from the smoke , since nothing made sense . " As soon as Roman and I knew Marilyn was at large , we set up our own watch . We actually have a recording of her calling in the bomb threat . This was how we knew she was going to strike , but by the time we got to your house , the fire has already happened and you were being taken to the hospital . We knew she just had to be nearby still . Sure enough , she was hiding out on the block , observing her work . But don 't worry , sis , we got her . And this time around , she is going straight to jail , not to some mental health facility . " " That sucks , " I sighed . I didn 't like hospitals very much , not since Mom 's sickness . " I guess we 'll have to finish our research on the lifefruit at a later time ? " " Hmm , not necessary , " Gerald perked up . " Dan and David have told us about your medicine problem and we 've been doing some research . Apparently , this fruit has been found in China quite recently . Perhaps , you can go there and continue your research on location ? " " It sounds like a good idea , " David smiled . " It can be the honeymoon we never took . And Millie can come with us . It would be a good opportunity for her to visit another culture and to explore the nature there . " And to recover from the scare of the fire , but that went unsaid . " How come you 're calling me ' Mom ' all of a sudden ? " I found myself asking the little girl . " You 've always called me ' Irene ' . " " Yeah … but I feel like you 're my mom now , just as mom as my birth - mom was . I mean , you 're always there for me and you 're always so nice to me . And when you got sick , I felt like I was about to lose my mom all over again and it was true . So , is it ok if I call you ' Mom ' ? "
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Early this morning after I finished writing yesterday 's post , I dumped a big pork loin into my slow cooker , mixed up a tangy vinegar sauce , and set it on low to cook for a very long time . By the time I got up , the whole house smelled like pork heaven - - which is not a euphoric place for pigs , but rather a place for those of us who like to eat pigs . Or hogs as we call them in Iowa . When I got home from school this afternoon , I could smell the pig cooking before I reached the front porch . I turned off the cooker and let the roast sit a while . When I couldn 't wait any longer , I started eating it right out of the crock pot pulled it and filled a plate . It was worth the wait . You want the recipe , don 't you ? Here it is . Ingredients are approximations because I tend to just dump some stuff into a big measuring cup . Add more of stuff you like and less of stuff you don 't . Dump a pork loin in the crock pot , fat side up . You want the fat to cook down through the meat . Dump the sauce over it . Cook it on low for 10 - 12 hours or until it 's falling apart . Resist the urge to lift the lid until it 's cooked at least 8 hours . Use two forks to pull the pork into shreds . Dump some of the sauce over it if you like . Or mix in some prepared BBQ sauce . Or both . Eat it . I 'm a little jumbly in my head tonight . I was sucker punched a couple of times in the past week , and I 'm waiting for the third blow . There 's always a third , right ? And I 've been obsessing over contemplating issues of loyalty and the consequences of doing the right thing , when to stay and when to go , when to forgive and when to accept that trust isn 't an option . Clarity is elusive though , so I 'm going to tell a story about doing the right thing - - with regrets . * Everybody is familiar with the Hans Christian Andersen story " The Emperor 's New Clothes , " right ? ( If not , go read it . I 'll wait . ) My story is a modern day version of that one . Years ago my church allowed a woman who ran a gleaning organization to use our kitchen once a week to cook food and take it downtown to feed anyone who cared to come and eat . I 'm not going to name the organization because I think they often do good work , and this story doesn 't represent the norm . The woman who ran the local group - - I 'll call her Sally - - would go around to grocery stores , bakeries , and restaurants and take whatever leftover or outdated food they would give her . Then a group of mostly kids in their late teens or early 20 's would cook a meal and go serve it on the lawn of the main library . ( It was a terrible pain in the ass for the library , but that 's not part of the story . ) It seemed like a worthy cause , and only cost us the use of our kitchen - - at least in the beginning . As time went on , Sally asked for more and more space in our kitchen . Soon she had filled the refrigerator , so she asked for donations and received two more that were stored in church members ' garages . She also stored more and more stuff in our pantry and even branched out into our shed where the mower was stored . After a few months , the church had no space in either the refrigerator or the pantry , and big bags of hard , inedible bread often sat at the foot of the back stairs drawing ants . We were also getting complaints from the neighbors about Sally 's big old panel van , which was packed to the roof with stuff , being parked in front of the church all the time . It smelled rotten and looked worse , and our building sat in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the city . The office administrator reported that Sally , who had her own key , had started sleeping in the church at night as well . All so she could cook one meal a week and serve it downtown . I knew all of it , but I wasn 't on the board and I wasn 't on the kitchen committee , so it really wasn 't my business . To be honest , I was deeply involved in the church - - my church - - and I 'd heard rumbles , but the minister always said he would talk to her . I found it annoying that we didn 't have space in the refrigerator for storing food when we had potlucks or other functions , but it wasn 't politically advisable to complain about someone who was doing such good work . Feeding the hungry and all . Sally 's mission trumped all other concerns , even though only one kid from the teen group cooked regularly with them . Nobody else in the congregation did . And then one night all that changed . We 'd had a potluck and my good friend GG and I were the last ones left cleaning up . We finished but the kitchen still smelled like ass . So we started to investigate . We found bags and drawers full of rotting produce in the fridge . It was so bad we couldn 't tell what the food had been . It had liquified and grown mold until it was indescribable . We filled several big black garbage bags with the crap - - gagging as we did - - and scrubbed out the fridge . It was getting late , well after midnight , but we 're both a little OCD about things like cleaning kitchens . And the kitchen still smelled like ass . So we ventured into the walk - in pantry and turned on the light . The shelves were stacked to the max with all kinds of canned and boxed food . We checked the expiration dates and most of them were months out of date , but OK , they might still be good . In addition , boxes were stacked floor to ceiling in most of the floor space . We decided to pull some down and see what was inside . We reached up over our heads together to lift the top box off one of the stacks , and as we pulled it down cockroaches started running down our arms and dropping to the floor . We dropped the box , screamed and started stomping . Let the horror movie begin . After the roaches had run out of that box , we opened it and found it full of empty , dirty food containers - - yogurt , mayonnaise , whatthefuckever . We pulled down other boxes and they were all full of garbage . And roaches . On Sunday when we came back , most of the boxes had been brought back into the pantry , and we were called on the carpet to explain why we had thrown out Sally 's stuff . We explained , and we hauled that shit back out . And we unlocked the shed and looked in there . It was full to the top with boxes of old , unusable clothing . Her van ? Also full of trash . It was a nightmare . As I said , this happened years ago , long before Hoarders was on TV , but I 'd heard of people with that mental illness . And Sally definitely had it . She had once been a professional , educated and obviously intelligent . But she spent all of her time now gathering unwanted food and finding places for her garbage . I believe she was homeless , but she was resourceful and she 'd found a way to make her hoarding into a charity . She was obviously mentally ill and needed help . Or it seemed obvious to me . Except that it wasn 't obvious to everybody . The person in authority , our minister , was instead angry at GG and me for trying to interfere with Sally 's good work . He attached such stigma to mental illness that he couldn 't accept that she was sick . To him , it was a terrible insult to say , " This woman is mentally ill and we need to stop supporting her illness . It 's making us sick too . " He became quite angry , and because of his true compassion for her , he couldn 't see how sick she was . And the same with other people who believed in what she was doing and hadn 't seen the awful mess GG and I had cleaned up . Because the mess wasn 't there any more . Just the story . I suppose we could have just let go of it . . . . I mean we could have just let things go and let somebody else deal with it eventually . We could have just continued to clean the kitchen and throw out the trash and spray Raid around . But neither of us are programmed that way . So we pushed it . We went to the board and insisted on taking our kitchen back . And eventually , as the neighbors ' complaints to the police escalated and the trash continued to come into the building , they had to vote to tell her to leave . I don 't have to tell you who the bad guys were in this situation , do I ? Yep . I lost friends over it . Good friends , in fact . The minister was mad at me , and he let other people know how cruel I 'd been , how lacking of compassion . He thought I was horrible for saying she was mentally ill . People who didn 't know the whole story , or who liked the idea of other people feeding homeless people downtown from our kitchen , were mad . And yet some people were relieved because , although they didn 't want to confront the issue themselves , didn 't want to get into a conflict with the minister , didn 't want to stop Sally 's " good work , " they also wanted to use our kitchen again . They didn 't want Sally sleeping in the church and filling every space she could infiltrate with trash . So they whispered their thanks . Oh , and Sally didn 't get help . At least not from us . I 'm not sure what happened to her , but she didn 't get help for her mental illness from us . It 's a thankless job being the kid who calls out that the emperor * * is wearing no clothes . And like all fairy tales , we don 't get to know what happens later . . . . the rest of the story . . . until it 's too late . Well , I know . The child 's parents told him to shut the fuck up . And he probably insisted , and a few people continued to see that the emperor 's dick was hanging out . But most of them didn 't really believe what they didn 't want to see . And once the procession was over , most of them thought nothing had really been wrong . Surely the emperor wouldn 't go out without clothes on . And the emperor , well he certainly couldn 't believe he 'd been so stupid as to parade around in his naked glory . Nobody wants to believe he could be that stupid . I wouldn 't be surprised if the child were spanked and sent to bed without his supper . And that 's when the child has to wonder if it was really worth telling the truth . Or if maybe he would have been better off pretending the emperor wasn 't strutting down the street , balls to the wind , ass hanging out , naked as the day he was born . Maybe it would have been better not to have pointed out that Sally was sick and needed help , but not the kind we were giving her . I 've been in that position so many times I don 't even want to count . Go ahead . Ask me if your ass looks large in those pants . Some of us just have to tell the truth , and then worse , do something about it . I can 't even count how many times I 've wished I wasn 't that person . . . . . and then the next time a situation comes around , there I am , shouting from the crowd , " Oh my god ! The emperor is buck naked and walking down the street ! Am I the only one who can see his weenie ? Anybody ? . . . . . Anybody ? . . . . " It 's hard to tell sometimes whether telling the truth and then pushing for change is worth the personal consequences . In my experience , the suffering can last much longer than I ever would have imagined as other people close their eyes and remember the emperor wearing fine robes as he paraded down the street . I 've always felt sorry for that child who saw the emperor 's nudity . How much better if he could have just seen a scrap of clothing clinging to the man 's loins so he could have kept his mouth shut and enjoyed the fucking parade . * Elvira has been watching Hoarders because it makes her want to clean . She keeps telling me about these crazy people who save all kinds of things like dead cats and their own shit and I really wish she wouldn 't . * * Just to be clear , the emperor isn 't our minister in this story . He was doing the best he could too , and with great compassion toward Sally . The emperor just represents the situation . But what I do not understand is how Glenn Close got totally fucking shafted by the Academy tonight for her many - layered , heartbreaking portrayal of an Irish woman who spends her life pretending to be a man in Albert Nobbs . She topped Kathy Bates for most courageous performance by an over - the - hill actress in a movie ( remember At Play in the Fields of the Lord ? ) . And , yes , I said that tongue in cheek . Of course I did , for fuck 's sake . The over the hill part though , not the courageous part . We can all agree Meryl Streep is an icon unto herself - - talented , egotistically self - effacing . Right ? She 's Hollywood royalty , and she 's worked her ass off to get where she is . But c ' mon . She 's always herself . In Albert Nobbs , Close became someone unrecognizable . Look at this : I have no doubt Streep gave her usual stellar performance in The Iron Lady , but it 's a movie I don 't even care to see - - probably because I 've already seen Streep play an iron lady a dozen times . But I couldn 't wait for Albert Nobbs to come to our little art theatre downtown , and I wasn 't disappointed . Close will never top that performance . She 's come so far since she boiled that bunny . I 'm restless tonight . I 'm struggling to write something on this page . Instead I want something or someone to capture my attention and engage all of my senses so completely I forget about myself . The Buddha folks call that being in the moment , but I 'm not looking for peaceful . It 's not new , this restlessness . In fact , it 's been my constant companion for as long as I can remember . As a child , I lived in a perpetual state of miserable boredom , waiting for something , anything - - back then I still believed there had to be something - - to happen . I taught myself to read when I was 4 . Reading books helped , but there were never enough of them . And then I wasn 't allowed to read very much in school so it got worse . I was eight when I first started planning my escape from the small town in Iowa where I grew up . I started collecting things I might need on the road : little packets of salt , matches , raisins , pencils and paper , pennies , books . I stored them in a big concrete drainage pipe that had been abandoned near the elementary school . But I never got further than collecting things until I was 17 and I really did leave . But this isn 't about my journey out . It 's about the feeling of restlessness that rarely goes away . I 'm an E on the Meyers Briggs . If their scale is 10 points , I 'm turned up to 11 , so I need lots of people stimulation . But it 's not just extroversion I 'm talking about . I 've lived with people most of my life . It 's not about being with people . It 's about feeling constantly understimulated in general . Not bored , exactly . Just running through most of my life in first gear , maybe up to second on a good night . I hardly ever get to rev my engines and take my foot off the gas . I 'm always holding back because there 's nowhere to go . Most of the time , I ignore it . It 's there , but it 's been there all my life . Sometimes though , it rubs at me , like an itchy wool sweater in the summer . Sometimes people notice . Even if I 'm acting just like I always act , sometimes a friend will say that I seem edgy or dark or even angry . Some friends say I just need to get laid . Well , yeah . Who doesn 't need to get laid ? Even if I did though , I 'd just want more . I don 't expect to ever find anybody who could keep up , and not just like that . Social media helps , but it 's passive . Riding my bike fast for miles along the river helps , especially when it 's really hot out , but I can 't ride far enough or fast enough , even when I ride alone . Playing music has even provided relief at times , as does dancing for hours . But it 's fleeting . The Buddhists would say that 's the problem . I always want more . It 's true . I can look back on this blog and see the thread running through . I couldn 't even go to a fetish party and not want more - - and I 'm not even sure what I want more of . I don 't have a fetish . I want to clarify that I don 't necessarily mean I 'm dissatisfied with my life or that I don 't have fun . I 'm blessed with amazing kids , remarkable friends and a city that offers many activities . I have fun . I 'm not complaining about what I do have . I 'm not sure I 've explained this very well . I wrote a poem several years ago , when I was living an entirely different life . Some of these things I 've done since . Some seem silly now . But the feeling behind the poem , the ache for . . . . I can only call it more intensity . . . . has always been lurking . Maybe it 's something I was born with , like mitochondria or chromosomes or red hair . Probably , if I 'm to be honest , I would miss it if it were gone . Maybe it 's simply my passion . I ran to the commissary after a day of conferencing with students - - the ones who showed up . I 'd forgotten to take a lunch so by the time my groceries were bagged and I was headed out the door with my bagger , I would have eaten a rabid raccoon was pretty hungry . At the commissary the bagger doesn 't put my groceries in the cart and hand them over to me . He bags them , puts them on his cart , and takes them out to my van * where he unloads them for me . Then he closes my hatch and I tip him $ 5 . That 's the way it works . Some of the baggers are young airmen augmenting their measly pay ; others are retirees or Asian wives . In spite of the wind and the sharp icy snow , we both immediately stopped . He dropped into parade rest and we waited . Ahead of us in the parking lot other people raised their heads to listen and stopped where they were . Cars rolled to a stop , and a woman waiting in her SUV for her bagger to load her groceries cracked her window a few inches . Then , except for the wind , nothing moved . The warning toodles ended and we listened to silence for a few seconds before the brass section of the Air Force band hit the first notes of " The Star Spangled Banner , " and the young man at my side came to attention . I listened as I always do with tears in my eyes , this time knowing the boy man who stood so tall and straight at my side will probably be sent to a warmer , sandier climate sometime soon . The trumpets hit their high note and I felt a tear fall . It 's a trigger , that song . Every day at 5 : 00 the entire Air Force base stops and pays tribute through the loud speakers , and time stops for just a few minutes . I can 't count how many times I stepped outside my door in base housing so I could hear it and join in the ritual . Or how many times I 've stood in the base movie theater where the song is played before every movie . It doesn 't happen often now , but today I was lucky . I was there to stand and listen . After the song ended , the bagger and I continued on through the wind and pellets to my van . I opened the hatch and realized I 'd forgotten to drop off a bunch of stuff I intended for Goodwill . Damn it . I could see him in my peripheral vision , but I couldn 't look at him . He stood there with one of my bags of groceries in his hands . Again , time stopped as neither of us moved . OK , I think his head was lowering very slowly as he tried not to react , tried not to look at me , considered what would happen if he just took off running . " Oh , shit . I can 't believe I said that . I meant to say . . . . I mean I 've got this junk . . . this stuff . . . . . it needs to go to Good Will and I forgot it was in the back of my . . . . . I 'm not going to save this am I ? " I finally glanced over at him and he finally stopped struggling to hold back his laughter . " No , ma ' am , you are not , " he said . And then he loaded my bags in the back of my van . I handed him a $ 5 bill and he slammed my lid and told me to have a good day . I probably should have given him $ 10 just for the unfortunate image I left him with . * I 've been getting shit lately about the 11 - year - old Honda Odyssey I drive . It doesn 't fit me any more , I guess . My only excuse for not driving a appropriately muscley car is that the van is paid for . And I 'm too lazy to go out car shopping and buy a new one . I 'm feeling jazzed tonight about a new path that seems to be opening up in front of me . A new path that 's both exciting and scary and a challenge to be kicked down and stomped like many others . This afternoon one of the other storytellers from the story slam a couple of weeks ago - - an extremely talented standup comedian - - asked me if I would record one of my stories for a project he 's producing for our local public radio station . I don 't really know much more than that , but I said yes . She asked me if I 'd present next summer . Just like that . And because she said I could talk about vaginas , I said yes . When I told D I was on the list , he said , " I knew you would be when I introduced you . " As much time as I spend in front of groups and on stage , it would be logical to think he knew I 'd say yes because I 'm a big old diva . Which I certainly appear to be - - to the uninformed . What D knows is that the reason I said yes is because I 'm terrified to do it . That 's why I have to do it . That 's why I have to kick it down and stomp on it before it gets a chance to swallow me . I 've been told it 's not obvious that I 've been working through a performance phobia most of my adult life . I know how it started , but that 's another story . The words " stage fright " don 't seem strong enough to describe the terror I 've felt at just the suggestion of doing certain things - - mostly musical - - in front of people . I can have a mind - numbing , stomach - churning , heart - thumping panic attack just thinking about performing . Just thinking about it . Or I used to . It doesn 't happen so often now because I 've kicked the shit out of it so many times . But it has been a journey . Here are a couple of my high points . When Elvira was a baby , I decided to join our small church choir . The alto section welcomed me as the only alto who could read music . I loved the rehearsals . But then the time came when we would have to stand up on the risers and sing in front of the congregation . I was terrified . I fully expected to give up choir so I wouldn 't have to stand in the second row and sing a song in the alto section . . . . . but I couldn 't give in . So I asked LtColEx , who never mocked my phobia once , to stand up on the empty riser with me in the empty sanctuary so I could practice just standing there with nobody looking at me . I had Elvira in the sling and I just stood there until I could breath . . . until I could look at the empty chairs . The next Sunday after . . . . well , the symptoms aren 't pleasant so who needs to share ? TMI . . . . I got up with the choir and sang . I wanted to run off the riser and out the door the entire time . But I didn 't . And the next time was easier . And the time after that . Eventually I didn 't think about it so much . But I 've never sung a solo in the choir . Some things are phobia and some are good sense . Several years later I was in a production of The Vagina Monologues . VM is the least scary kind of theatre because the performers almost always use a script and go barefoot , and so did we . But for some reason , the director asked me to introduce the play and perform my monologue first . I had to write my introduction and then talk about shaving my pussy in front of 200 people . Later , I had to perform the " right there " orgasm . I was terrified I would do something embarrassing , like throw up , on stage . So I tucked a plastic baggie in the waistband of my vagina - red pants . And then the entire time I was introducing the play and talking about my poor shaved pussy , I worried that the plastic bag had dropped through my pant leg and fallen to the floor where everybody could see . It didn 't . I got through it . And later that night I licked the giant vagina ice sculpture that melted and flooded the church basement in the night . But that 's another story . I have dozens of stories about getting up and performing just so I can kick my phobia in the ass . Every time I 'm asked , I do it . I 'll bring my guitar and play and sing with anybody , anywhere . I play the piano and recorders and even instruments I don 't play , like the mandolin and the ukulele . I get up and lead services , read my own poetry , give sermons , lead drum circles , dance ecstatically , perform in community theater . . . . . Hell , I get up in front of 18 - year - old college students several times a week and act like a teacher . I rarely get phobic about performing any more , I 've curb - stomped it so many times . Rarely , but it 's there , waiting for me to let down my guard . A dark , draining shadow that can turn something fun into an ordeal to just get through . One thing I still hate to do is sing by myself though . Even in my own living room swapping songs with a friend , I don 't like it . So my big challenge recently has been singing karaoke . This is a tough one because I 'm so uncomfortable singing alone - - let me sing the harmony and I 'm happiest - - and I don 't have a guitar or piano between me and my voice . It 's naked up there and loud - - even when nobody is listening . Even when I know some people are . . . . a little more challenged than I am . It 's fertile ground for my worst fears : that I 'll sound like a tone - deaf Japanese tourist and my friends won 't tell me . But I do it week after week after week just because I can 't let my phobia win . And now the storytelling . I 'll admit , it scares me a little . So far , not into phobia range , but I feel it lurking . I got up and did the story slam mostly because I didn 't want to . I wasn 't prepared . And then I had to do it because it might have been fear that held me back . Sometimes it 's hard to tell . So I took the mic at the very last minute and it wasn 't too bad . Hell , I won . But I 'm a writer , not a stand - up storyteller . So this is new for me . And I will do it , because it terrifies me , makes me want to run , makes me want to crawl into my bed and hide . And also because the desire to drop - kick that phobia has in large part made me into the person I am today - - at least the person people see on the outside . It took writing about it tonight to make me realize that awful fucking phobia might have been one of the best things that could have happened to me . Hmmmmm . I 'm going to have to think about that some more . I 've hated my phobia for so long I 've never considered how it 's molded me in positive ways . What the fuck , phobia ? I still think you 're my enemy . I will confess , it 's week 8 of a 10 - week quarter and my ass is dragging . All I have tonight is this Russian video , titled " The Buttcracker " ( for those who don 't read Russian ) . I don 't know about you , but I don 't care how clean my ass crack is , I don 't use it to prepare my food . But I did laugh at the balls it took for an advertising team to come up with this . Suck it , Don Draper . * I 'm probably going to sound angry in this post . It 's hard for me to stay calm when so many people are trying to get inside my poor little vagina . I know I wrote about the vagina hoards yesterday . I promise this is my last political post for a while . I just have to say one more thing about those assholes who want to make choices about my body * or any woman 's body . If you haven 't heard about the bill in Virginia to require women who go to a doctor seeking an abortion to undergo a trans - vaginal ultrasound first , where the hell have you been ? This is shit even Margaret Atwood didn 't imagine . I don 't understand why we would want to return to the years of wire hangers and knitting needles . I don 't understand why a clump of cells is more important to some people than an entire human being . But I 'm not writing about abortion . That 's a personal choice . If you don 't think it 's rape to require a woman to have that wand ( photo above ) stuck into her vagina for no good reason , other than because those men don 't think she should own the choice of whether to keep a cluster of cells in her body , then I don 't know what it is . Putting a dildo - shaped object in a woman 's vagina against her will and against the medical advice of her doctor is rape . It just is . It doesn 't matter who does it . It 's possible I have some personal feelings about this . The Tuesday afternoon before Thanksgiving in 2010 , my daughter Elvira called to see if I was home , and asked if she and her boyfriend Rock Dad could come over . I was and I said sure . As soon as they walked in the door , she handed me an ultrasound with something that looked the size of a bean on a grainy background . It could have been anything . Eight months later it grew into Coraline . But at that point , it wasn 't Coraline . It was a cluster of cells the size of a bean . The discussion about the pregnancy isn 't important to this topic . They had already decided to continue the pregnancy and eventually keep the potential baby . This was their decision . I was the first one they told because I was the one they were least afraid to tell . I didn 't bring up options or ask them which they had considered . They didn 't ask for my opinion . I was just as irrelevant as any asshole politician who wants to tell women what to do with their vaginas and their ovaries and their uteruses . And I 'm fine with that . Even my daughter 's vagina belongs to her , and to her alone . I would have supported any decision she made . But eventually I did have to ask why she 'd had an ultrasound because I was concerned . I had ultrasounds because I had difficult pregnancies and the doctor wanted to make sure the baby was safe . Surely she didn 't need one just to see the bean . They said they 'd gone to a free clinic , not the base hospital like I assumed , and she was required to have the ultrasound before they would give her the results of her " free " pregnancy test . She was fine with getting the ultrasound because they 'd already decided what they wanted to do . They were excited about seeing their little bean . They were told they could get a car seat , free clothes , all kinds of prenatal support . . . . . but only if they had the ultrasound and took certain classes . Certain religious classes . Not so free after all , huh ? Nothing about the name of the clinic indicated the clinic had a religious agenda . They found out after they got there . Of course , Elvira gave her permission and underwent the ultrasound willingly . I admit it was her choice . And probably there was no danger associated . But it was a medical procedure she didn 't need . I don 't give a shit if it was free ( to her ) . She didn 't need it . It was purely a manipulative tactic to discourage her from choosing a legal abortion . If she 'd gone to the base hospital , she would have gotten the results of the pregnancy test and not had an ultrasound until much later in her pregnancy - - as she eventually did . The procedure she had was purely for religious purposes , not medical . Why should I care ? It 's hard to explain why the Molesters for Jesus made me so angry . Mostly it 's the manipulation , the hidden agenda . Holding out " free " stuff so they could spread their propaganda . That shit wasn 't free . It was all tied up in their religious beliefs , which they carefully concealed from my 19 - year - old daughter until they 'd offered her what they hoped was enough free stuff to manipulate her . See , I don 't think Jesus would approve of those tactics . I don 't think Jesus ever said , " You have to become a Jew believe like I do or I won 't give you any of this bread , any of this fish . " In fact , Jesus was a pretty liberal young rabbi so he might even have said God would love my daughter even if she did have an abortion . He seems like he might have been that kind of guy . He might have been the kind of guy who would say any medical procedure should be private and privileged and kept between a woman and her doctor . Seems like something he might believe . Keep the money - lenders out of the church and the fucking politicians out of the vaginas . Make no mistake , neither the law in Virginia nor the " free " trans - vaginal ultrasound Elvira had are about medical necessity . They are about controlling religious freedom . They are about sticking a wand in a woman 's vagina so she won 't exercise her legal right to an abortion . Elvira may have made a choice to undergo her procedure , but what the Virgina legislature is proposing is rape . Rape for Jesus . All the people who need medical attention in this country and can 't afford it , and those assholes in Virginia want to make a law to require sticking a wand in a woman 's vagina . . . it 's incomprehensible . The only bright spot is Senator Janet Howell , who tacked on an amendment that would require men to have a rectal exam and a cardiac stress test before they can get a prescription for Viagra . I guess if women are going to be raped with the wand , men are going to have to take a doctor 's finger in the ass . * * What do you think ? Should the state be able to require a woman to pay for her own rape before she can undergo a legal medical procedure ? Are you ready to put religion over a right the Supreme Court says is guaranteed by the Constitution ? I 'd love to hear any logical , persuasive argument . * Yes , I know this is happening in Virginia , and I 'm not going to be getting an abortion any time soon , so it 's not going to affect my body . It 's the fucking principle of the thing . It 's the scary slippery slope that has become a reality in this country . The first time I saw this video I was sitting in a pub with some other Scrooge ! cast members after a show . One of the young women whose crotch is shown here , ran over and stuck one ear bud in my ear and the other in the ear of a friend , handed us her phone and said , " Here . Watch and listen . " We did . Twice . Of course we laughed like fools and everybody else at the table stared at us and wondered how they too could have such a good time . We told them they could only have this much fun if their vaginas were 8 miles wide . Hee . Funny song , right ? Given the political climate of this country , I 'm not so sure . I totally relate to these lyrics , which I 've posted below . I am a vigantic Amazon , and I am too big for some people * . And maybe some people aren 't enough for me . It doesn 't hurt to think of it this way . The water 's fine but not everybody knows how to swim . But even if my vagina is 8 miles wide , that doesn 't mean just anybody can barge in there . My vagina is by invitation only , and although I have invited a Republican in before , I won 't allow the entire political party to take up residence in there . It 's not a clown car . In fact , after hearing how eager some political types are to get inside my vagina and crawl right up to my uterus , my vagina slammed shut and posted a guard outside . Granted , my vagina is getting a bit long in the tooth for the fucking meddlers who want to control my reproductive rights down to the cellular level . But I have a daughter and a granddaughter with 8 - mile - wide vaginas too , and I don 't want any fucking politicians or religious " leaders " in their vaginas either . Seriously , look at this group ? Do they look like they know anything about vaginas . . . or cookies for that matter ? I don 't think so . They don 't look like they understand the vagina at all . My vagina is 8 miles wide , but it 's still my vagina . It 's that simple . It 's mine and so is every organ attached to it . With all the problems we face in this country , why is my vagina so important to those strangers sitting at that table up there ? Can 't they find some hungry people to feed ? Some homeless people to shelter ? Why do they want to be all up in my vagina ? And yours ? And yours . . . . . and yours . Do you want them there ? Coraline is growing up so fast . She 's eating solid food now . Her favorite food - - after booby , of course - - is butterfly . Mmmmmm . Butterfly . When 's the last time you ate a butterfly ? For once I 'm going to make it short . I crewed for a Brother Sun concert tonight , and then brought one of the musicians home with me * . They 're an amazing trio of singer / songwriters who have all made a living from their music for years before they joined together . Their harmonies are so tight you can 't slip a hair between them . The concert was great , but as always , striking the stage and packing up the gear takes almost as long as the music lasted . And it 's all worth it . My muse Dolores had such a good time she fell asleep on the couch and has nothing to whisper in my ear . So I 'm going to cop out and share a video from a house concert somewhere else of one of the songs the group sang tonight . If you like it , you should check out some of their other videos and buy their CD . * Really ? You had to go there ? I bring home a talented , intelligent , red - headed music man and immediately you thought about cookies , didn 't you ? Sorry to turn down the oven , but he 's happily married and just needed a place to camp for the night . We ate pulled pork and talked about teaching . But you should still buy their CD . Today a colleague posted an article about a 56 - year - old college student in Michigan who has been severely reprimanded by Oakland University officials . Joseph Corlett claims all he did was write in his class journal that his teacher was " tall , blonde , stacked , smart , articulate . " Those five adjectives earned him a three - semester suspension . In addition he 's not allowed on the campus and he has to go to a therapist . Spanked and sent to the corner for 5 words . Or at least that 's what he would have us believe . Neither the teacher nor the university have commented , and they won 't as long as Corlett is threatening a law suit . I 've been in a position like that , where I couldn 't talk about a messy situation because I was in a position of responsibility , but others could tell any lies they wanted - - and I couldn 't defend myself . It 's amazing how blatant the lies can get when one party can 't tell the truth . So maybe I 'm projecting , but even hearing just Corlett 's side of the story , it sounds pretty fucking fishy . In fact I throw up the A few points . 1 . One of the benefits of my age is that I don 't really worry about my students , who are mostly 18 - 20 years old , crushing on me . I would , in fact , be amazed if a student has ever thought of me " that way . " * I 'm neither a MILF nor a TILF . My students write weekly letters to me though , and they tell me all kinds of personal stuff . If one of them wrote about my boobs in a letter he knew I was going to read and especially if that student were older than I am ( and this asshole is even older than I am , so I feel comfortable assuming he 's older than the professor ) , I would feel uncomfortable standing in front of the class and teaching after I 'd read that entry . Yes , even I , a teacher who has talked about masturbation in class , would feel like wearing a zipped parka to class after I read that . It 's fucking creepy . My nipples are inverted just thinking about it . 2 . Even writing about it in a journal she 's going to read makes him a fucking perv . But it 's also , at the very least , disingenuous for him to claim that this is the only sexually explicit thing he wrote . He admits he asked her many times if there were any restrictions on the sexual content of the journals . What student has to ask that question ? My students ask if they can swear in their narrative arguments . Or if they can use contractions . Or how long the paper has to be , but they don 't ask if they can talk about my boobs - - lovely as my boobs are . Then again , so far none of them have been creepy perverts . 3 . I wouldn 't be surprised if this student had made inappropriate comments before - - and many of them . And either because he lacks empathy or because he 's a fucking sociopath who just likes to get negative attention , he kept doing it even though other people were obviously uncomfortable . I can imagine the teacher has been uneasy about the " sexual undertones " in his writing , and that other students were as well and complained to her about him . Anybody want to guess those undertones showed up in his spoken words too ? Fiction - writing classes attract all kinds of writers , including " that guy . " That guy who wants women to read his poorly written BDSM porn and make comments on it . That guy who likes to pretend he 's an " honest " writer , one who doesn 't need to observe normal social boundaries because he 's an artist . He 's that old guy who buys a camera and tries to talk young women into posing nude for him . When I read this article , what I saw was " that fucking creeper guy . " I 've taken classes with him . 4 . Universities bend over backwards for students . In fact , many teachers are concerned about the " student as customer " attitude some universities have assumed . No university official wants to slap a student up the side of the head like this guy was . This wasn 't a failing grade and you don 't get to take the class again . This was we won 't even take your fucking tuition money and here 's a restraining order and you must get medical attention . This was a mushroom cloud . He could have plagiarized Jesus and the university wouldn 't have spanked him this hard . There 's no way we 're getting all of the story from this fucking attention whore guy . I 'd be willing to bet a dozen cookies the facts are even worse than I can imagine . We won 't know until it goes to court or until other students come forward and start telling stories . My money is on the latter . 5 . This guy 's lawyer sounds like an even bigger idiot than he is . In the article he 's cited as saying this student 's right to free speech has been breached . What a dumbass . This guy does not have a right to write or say anything he wants in a college class and expect the Constitution to protect his perverted ass . The lawyer goes on to say this guy has a constitutional right to a college education . What the fuck ? Really ? Because in that case about 75 % of the residents of this city need to sue . . . . . somebody because they don 't have college degrees . Nobody has a constitutional right to attend a university . If I hadn 't already decided the student might be a fucking pervert , I would know he 's an asshole just by his association with his ambulance - chasing lawyer . The story so far has old fucking creeper guy written all over it - - and he 's the only one telling the story . But I 'll reserve judgement until when and if the teacher and the university have a chance to tell their side . I spend a lot of time in front of a classroom . I know there 's more going on here than some poor , innocent college student writing in his little journal that his teacher is stacked . This guy masturbated in public and the university smacked him on the wee wee and sent him to the corner to think about it . What do you think : pervert or wronged student ? * I will admit there was one charming fellow who looked a lot like Tom Cruise in Risky Business and knew it . When I reprimanded him for coming to class late , he offered to let me spank him . I told him I 'd rather he 'd put his butt in the chair before I was ready to start the class . If I 'm going to spank someone , it certainly won 't be a student . I am being held hostage here by Dolores , my unintentional Muse . I have little control over the content of this blog , except to make sure it 's the truth . Don 't try to save me . She has long fingernails and when she cracks her toes the sound will make you crazy . Don 't ask me how I know .
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July 20th , 2008 I was up early again this morning on my way to Bovill . I got there around seven - thirty in the morning again . I got ready and we were playing just after eight in the morning . Our sticks were pretty cold . I wasn 't cold though . I have an inside - the - park homerun plus two walks and one fly out . We lost that game and got moved to the loser bracket . The next game was two hours later . I had myself a cheeseburger and waited around for the game . We played a second team and beat them pretty easily . We had a big inning scoring a lot of runs . I have four doubles in the game including three that were ground - rule doubles . That is because there was a ditch in right field and if you hit the ball over the head of the outfielders it would go to the ditch . I did that three times . Between that game and our next one the sun was beating down on us . There were several ten - six - seven 's walking around shirtless . It was something good to look at as I waited for the next game . We played against a team with several players from the Pullman area . They went on to beat us pretty soundly . That was all for us . I would have liked to play some more , but it was good to get to head home . When I got closer to Moscow I turned on my phone and found a call from Pete . He told me about a fatal car accident that happened near Clarkston last night . So I was right in my instinct that there was going to be a case last night . As it turned out though the person was taken to Lewiston before death was pronounced so it wasn 't really one of our cases , but I had a feeling it was a bad car accident . July 12th , 2008 I started at pitcher and I wasn 't doing great . We were playing a coed B league team that was moved up into our league . I walked several people through out the first couple innings costing us runs . Finally I got Heston to pitch and the pitching problem went away . We started to get better at the plate and we started to get walked plus we were hitting the ball well . Sooner or later we finally took a lead . I stuck around until the latest possible time I could wait until I had to go home and get ready to golf . Matt found a guy named Travis to cover for him on the team because Matt was unable to play . I called him and we planned on riding together to Colfax . While the game was getting ready to start I got the lineup written and a couple umpired were roasting me in front of Heston and some others . I was laughing so hard . It was about my pitching . They said that Heston should never let me pitch . I took it very well . As a joke I took the mound as the game was getting ready to start and one of the umpire who roasted me was there . I looked at him and pretended that I wasn 't going to pitch because of what he said . It was pretty good . I went to home after that to get ready . I got my golf clubs and went to Dissmore 's . I got some water and picked up Travis . He is ten - six - seven . His complexion reminds me of BKoe . We finally got out on the course . I had Hansen and Pete playing with my team . We were not kicking butt , but we were holding our own . At the break we had some dinner and did the raffle . I won a couple prized including golf balls , a shirt , and a hat . On the second round we were using the glow balls . It was harder , but I started to do better because I wasn 't trying to crush the ball . Towards the end of the round Pete hit a ball and it looked like he crushed it , but we don 't know where the ball went because he hit the glow stick out of the ball . Hansen did that twice as well . We were laughing so hard . June 21st , 2008 Colfax and Steptoe Fire had the second annual softball game for bragging rights and a traveling trophy . I had an okay day at the plate , I did get an inside the park homerun driving in the go - ahead runs . But before we knew it the Steptoe team went to work in the sixth inning and they came back for the victory . At one point Scott was at bat . A pitch came towards him . He didn 't move and let it go right off the top of his head . It cracked everyone up . I got in Albion 's Ambulance with Jessie and Ben in St . John to go to the Sprint Boat Races . We hung out with the Rosalia ambulance crew and watched the races for the next five hours . It was a lot of fun . I got back to Colfax and was dropping off some paperwork for some coroner 's cases when Heston called about setting up some huge tents for Cougar High School Football Camp . We had to get two of them set up . That took us a couple hours . A . Wilcox was helping … Yet another ten - six - seven . June 19th , 2008 I spent a couple hours with Ben driving in Engine Thirty - One going around looking at FDC locations . It started with an EMS call coming in . We went to the scene with Rescue . Then it was off to the engine . No calls came in while we were using the Engine . I went to the WSU Surplus said with Bruce . We found him some pants to wear but as it turned out the whole box was sold in the auction and we were not able to get the pants . That sucked for him . We were going to be playing against his team this evening in softball . It wasn 't quite a run away like the others games for us . My first at bat was a triple and that felt good to hit it . It was my first extra - base hit in the regular season for men 's softball . We ended up being tied at fourteen each . We went into the eighth inning . We shut down Tubbs . On our at bat we went to work . Warren hit a double . Peter got walked and Kelly hit the game winning double . It was a nice victory . We are starting to click as a team . After the game Joe invited me to go to Pete 's to meet up with his team , Tubbs . I said I would come down , but I needed to say Happy Birthday to Heather first . I went to the Moose . I said happy birthday to her and said hello to many of the others who are part of that group . Then I went to Pete 's . I was only going to drink pop , but it was Jersey Night . Jessie and Craig from Colfax fire were there . I sat with them for a while and we talked . Craig and I started a text messaging game on accident . We had to text message a single word to the other person that has something to do with the word that was texted to you . We went on with that for a long time . Joe came over with a shot for everyone . I had one . Then another shot . Then some beer . Then it was over with for me . I got my vehicle home and back for more beer . Then we went to ValHalla . Loren was there and he was drunk . He gave me two Long Island Ice teas that he couldn 't finish . Plus I got another drink there . The next stop was Mike 's . We had more to drink there . Plus the guys from Tubbs were being crazy . A couple of them were in the dancing cage having fun . Then it was off to Thai Ginger , which use to be Shermers . On the way Chambers , from Tubbs , wanted to run to the bar . We were taking a taxi . He went off sprinting . A couple Pullman cops were in the area and almost had to jump out of his way . They were wondering what the heck was going on . He beat us to the bar . We had more to drink there . We played some darts and other games . Then it was across the street to My Office . That was the final stop of the night . We closed out My Office . I spent time talking with Jake and Mac from Tubbs . I think both of them are ten - six - sevens . It was a very fun night . I got a ride home in a taxi . I stayed up for a while drinking water before going to bed . It was going to be a short night because I have to get up on the early side tomorrow . April 24th , 2008 After class this afternoon I went to Portland with Greg again . On the way we stopped by a marina to look at some more sail boats . We checked out the various boats for a while . We went to Powells Books again . This time we spent about an hour . I went back to the section I was at the other day . I also went through their gay sections . I was looking for something , but I didn 't know what for sure . I figured I would know it when I found it . I turned out not finding anything I wanted . After we got back to Kelso we stopped to get something to eat at Arby 's . As we were walking into the hotel there was a ten - six - seven passing me by . I sometimes wonder who they are . I sometimes think about how there are millions of people in America and I will probably never see that person again . I sometimes would like to just stop and say hello . I figure if you say hello to everyone you pass , you will have said hello and " met " a lot of people , but it would be interesting to think that even with a lifetime of doing that you will not have even met one - percent of the population of America , I would bet . April 15th , 2008 Clark and I went out to do some drive time today at the fire department . We were only going to do an hour , but we ended up getting all his hours completed on rescue . So now we are closer to him getting done with this part of his rookie book . Later on we had our coed softball game . I didn 't plan on playing any of it . I was just going to coach . We had a ton of women and quite a few men . We ended up losing because our men hit horrible . In the last inning I subbed myself in for Dan because I knew I could get a hit and we needed that . I did get a hit . But we lost with the bases loaded down only by three runs . That sucked . Brandon played on the team today as well . Then following the game we went to The Zzu . We played pool for a couple hours . I was on fire for a while . I won most of the games we played . I did another shot that needed some good english on the ball for it to be made . That was the second time I did that in front of Brandon . He just laughed when I made it . I also saw the guy who Russell called " The Hottest Guy in Pullman " . He was having some beers with a guy I know . So I am going to talk to the guy I know . March 16th , 2008 Today the only real plan was to go to the WSU Wet Lab . But it turned out there was a coroner 's call . I talked to Patti and she invited me to come . The investigation was very interesting . I had to look at a lot of evidence around the house to figure out what was going on . It was an interesting case and I cannot wait to learn more . Then it was off to the WSU PD . I started by getting a breath sample . That would show that I had no alcohol on board to start off with . We had tequila and rum to drink . Carl and Heidi from PPD , and Dan from the PAs office were there to help out . We drank and played a game called Scene It . That was a lot of fun . Dan bought some pizza for everyone and we continued to drink . Through out the drinking part we were supposed to keep watching the BAC readings so we would get to a very specific level of intoxication . I was supposed to be at about a Point - One . When we were done drinking we went over to the CUE building for the actual field sobriety tests . On the way there Carl was making some observation about someone who I was thinking was a ten - six - seven . I acknowledged that I did think that person was a ten - six - seven and Carl started to laugh . We got another PBT test to see how intoxicated we were . The Pullman cops who had come to help out with the tests got called out to a person not breathing . Brandon was also there . He took some photos and watched what was going on . I have found the alcohol will cause me to lose my swear filter and I tend to allow more swear words to flow . I also noticed that I allow my homosexuality to come to the surface a little bit . But I am usually able to suppress it . During the test though a couple of the people doing the tests on me were ten - six - seven . A couple times I almost blurted out that fact . I was able to hold on to that though . The FST went on for a while and the people doing them were doing a good job with them . We had a debriefing after the tests . Then we all went to Rico 's . I started to drink a lot of water . My highest reading I remember was a point - one - three . I was feeling very drunk . What was interesting to me was when I was at a point - oh - five I felt like I was too drunk to drive . Carl said I should let Brandon know that I am gay . I figure as a cop now , he will hear about it through the grapevine . I don 't necessarily like the fact that it just gets spread around , but I figured that Brandon is a very good friend and I wanted to let me know rather than him finding out via the grapevine . I sat down and said to Brandon " I am gay . " He asked me a couple times if I was serious . I said yes . Then we looked at Matt across the table and Matt confirmed it . Then Matt told Brandon the story where Matt found out . It was the scene where he made a joke not knowing about it . Carl and Monte had told him afterword because Matt sort of thought he had said the wrong thing around me . Carl thought it was funny . I let Matt know he didn 't say anything bad . Brandon did ask why I was telling him . I would like to chat with him a little bit more about it , but I don 't want to make a big deal about it . He said he is cool as long as I don 't hit on him . I said I haven 't hit on him and that will not change . While at Rico 's we listened to music and talked about random stuff as people usually do while their at the bars . I was there until Matt gave me a ride home around midnight . I was tired , but I also drank more water when I went home to make sure I would not have a hang over in the morning . After all I had about fourteen shots of Hard - A between four and six o ' clock PM . January 14th , 2008 With the whole unknown about what is happening with the company taking us over , we have had some interesting conversations . One of the first things Ricky told me is that I should start looking for a new job . He said he has been . I know that Noah has pretty much not been asked back , so he is out and about looking for a job . I am not sure how to take it all . I would like to stay here keeping everything going as is . I am hoping that when they come down to work with us that they offer some nice pay and we retain the people we have . I made it into the East Highlands Fitness to do my workout tonight . There was one group of guys who were working out together . One younger guy , who was ten - six - seven , had ripped arms . Very well defined . But his legs weren 't overly defined like is arms . When I see that I always wonder if these guys only work on their arms to make them look good , but let the rest of the body just go to heck . I am sure he does some stuff for legs , but compared to his arms , they looked weak . Speaking of ten - six - seven , the TV show Kyle XY is back on the air . I started to follow the show last season . Now I am pretty much hooked and I keep watching it . I like it , and the main character is very ten - six - seven . December 31st , 2007 Wilson and I were planning on responding on calls today . When one came out , the Rescue was out of service , so we didn 't get to go anyway . The Rescue came back in service around five in the evening . So I didn 't get to play today . I worked on my table saw . I want to get a new blade for it . So I was going to have to get the old one off of it . I got some stuff to help loose the bolt because when I looked at it , it appeared to be pretty gunked up . I worked on the bolt for about twenty minutes before I was able to get it off . It turned out that Pullman Building Supply was closed . I wasn 't able to get a new blade anyway . I spent part of the day messing around on the computer . Some of the day was spent watching some TV shows . I feel like there are a lot of things I want to get done . I am at a point where I wanted to work on my big project involving the reserve website but the problem is I didn 't want to waste this day away just doing that . The new years eve parties only come once a year and I wanted to partake in at least one . Doug said he was working at The Zuu . So I decided to go there . Mark was there and we spent most of the time I was there talking . Peter showed up for a while . He blind sided me with a new years kiss on the cheek . I saw Catlin there . His girl is the one who I always buy my pop from down at the Tesoro . While at The Zuu I noticed the DJ . He was a ten - six - seven . I watched him for a while . Then I found out that Peter knew him , so I asked Peter what his name was . I also saw this other ten - six - seven . He was an all around hottie . He had the ski - jump style nose , a nice trimmed patch of hair under his chin . He was the boy next door type . I just enjoyed the view as I was standing there talking to people . December 28th , 2007 Today was the final day of the men 's basketball pre - Pac - Ten games . It was a pretty easy victory for the men . I worked it with Nick . I spent a fair amount of the time talking to the WSU cops . We first talked about a recent death that took place on campus . It was a pretty tragic thing . Later on I was just chatting with a couple other ones about Colfax PD . One of them was a Colfax cop for a while . Towards the end of the game the Cougar starters were all on the bench to make way for the young guys to get play time . They got a lot of it today . I got a text message from Mike D . He was in town for the basketball game . He asked if I was interested in going to Pete 's for Wiley 's . I was on call for the Coroner so I could not drink , but I wanted to see Mike . It has been a while . He now lives in Montana . I drove down there in the Bumblebee when I saw that Pete 's was closed . Soon I saw three people walking down the road including Mike . He had two girls with him and that all had Wiley glasses . We ended up going to Rico 's . I saw Johnson there . I gave him a howdy . Then I was introduced to a guy named Nick . He was blue eyed and ten - six - seven . I also got some non - weedeater - owning vibes from him . Mike , the girls , and I went up stairs and played some pool . Soon Nick and the girl he was with joined us . At first I was thinking that he was her boyfriend . Later I found out he is not her boyfriend . Peter and Kevin showed up . We were messing around texting each other . We were making some sort - of inside jokes about Nick being gay . Or really we were insinuating that he was gay . The thing about him was he was flamboyant and he was cocky at the same time . He was beating me in pool and we were really crap talking each other . I was doing it all in fun . As the night was winding down and we were getting ready to go he was asking me some honest questions about buying or renting houses . I was trying to give him some good information . But with his intoxication level I was thinking at best he was going getting sound bites . He did let me know where he worked . I might poke my head in there someday . I am going to not write it in here as I don 't want to give away who I am talking about here . December 2nd , 2007 After only about two hours of sleep I was woken up by a phone call from Pete . There was a call waiting in the wing . I had guessed it had to do with the call we had this morning . Later on in the morning I called Pete and it turned out to be what I was thinking it was . As it turned out I had transported the same person to Spokane about ten days prior . So I was familiar with him . In the rest of the day Wilcox , Dearth , and I responded on EMS and fire calls . The first one was a pretty bad looking accident . Turned out it wasn 't much of anything when it was done . A lot of people stopped to help . I was talking to one person who was there . I got the vibes and the gaydar was going off . I found him on Facebook and sure enough he is family . I was running really late for poker . Sign ups were at five - thirty , and it was almost that time when we got back to the station after our fourth call of the afternoon . With the heavy snow covering the road we had a long day . But now it is raining and the roads are getting all slushy . I got to Zeppoz in time to get a seat at the table . Due to the weather , I believe , there was a limited number of players . We ended up having three full tables , but it took almost until six o ' clock to get there . Towards the end of the night I was knocked out in seventh place again . The ten - six - seven was in the final four . All of a sudden there was a small uproar at the table . I was playing a table game right next to the poker table . I turned around and saw the ten - six - seven with tears in his eyes . Someone said he would chop the pot with him . I didn 't know what had happened . November 26th , 2007 On today 's radio show I had a couple guests who were talking about Ron Paul as a candidate for president . One of the two guests was ten - six - seven . I didn 't know that he was going to be that way until he got to the show . I tried to do some research on the guys before they came on the show , but his facebook account was set up so you had to be a friend to see his photos . November 25th , 2007 I got up this morning and there was a response from the cop I knew on gay . com . He answered my question and pondered who I was . I didn 't tell him straight up , but I responded to his question of me . I went to Safeway and did my shopping . I had been needing to go there for quite a while . While there I saw Bruce . We stopped and chatted for a while . Later I saw C - Bass . Coach Doba was there shopping . I also saw the Pullman Fire ambulance crew buying some stuff for dinner . I got home and put everything away . I had some time before I had to go back to Zeppoz . I got the IM address of the guy who I know that is gay . I also responded to the cops ' message back to me . Then it was off to Zeppoz for the tournament . There was a ten - six - seven there again . I have seen him the last three weeks that I was there . I finally found out who it was . He is a local . I always want to play on his table , but we get different tables . In today 's game I decided that I would not do more than one re - buy . That is all I ended up needing . I made it longer that I had in previous tournament . I was out in the seventh place . They paid the top four , with more than two - hundred going to first place . I was the second lowest in chips on the final table . But I won a big hand . Only to lose it later on . Then I had only enough for one big blind . I only had three hands to get something to play . I got K - 9 suited . I went all in . I got two - pair , but I lose to someone with trips . That was my night . November 17th , 2007 Today is the first time that Justin and Logan got to see a Cougar Football game in Martin Stadium . I woke up in the morning , but I was still a little tire . Jon took the boys out to find some ponchos . I stayed at home . Later on I got up and worked on stuff for NU . I had breakfast with the guys when they got back . We started to get ready for the game . We stopped at McDonald 's for lunch . We planned on parking in the old Sigma Chi parking lot . There was room so we did park there . We walked down to the fieldhouse . John called me and let me know Rob was in town . I went to the ambulance that they were on . Rob was doing a ride along . I sat in the ambulance for a while talking and listening in on the stories . This is the first time I have seen Rob since he left the reserves to become a trooper . It was neat to see him . In someway it was just like the old days with him and John . Laughing and joking and having fun . I went back to the fieldhouse to meet up with Jon , Logan , and Justin . We watched some of the UW vs Cal game . Cal was getting beat . It was close to time to head to our seats . We made our way there . We were at the twenty - yard line , five rows back . While there I noticed a ten - six - seven . Blonde hair , blue eyes , with well defined arms . Number Thirty for OSU . He was on their special teams . He looked very ripped . The game started with heavy rain . We all wore our ponchos to keep dry . The Beavers went out to a quick lead and never looked back . We turned over the ball so many times , seven interceptions and one fumble . It gave the Beavers short field all day long . The Cougs scored two touchdowns , but each time we scored the Beavers would quickly score . It was a horrible day for the Cougs . After the game was done we left . The stadium was just over half full when the game started . It had maybe one - tenth the seating capacity filled when the game was done . With the poor showing and the bad weather a lot of people left early . But not us . We went to Pizza Pipeline and got some dinner . Then back to my place to eat it . I went to my office after dinner to work on the NU Application some more . John , Rob , and I were going to go out , but they ended up bumming out . October 31st , 2007 This morning started with teaching two fire extinguisher classes up on campus . Each class takes about thirty minutes . Tim , one of the new reserves , and I took rescue up to the motorpool . The classes went off without a problem . It was the first time I had taught the class . When we were done I had to hustle home in order to get changed and down to the dentist for my bi - yearly cleaning . Dr . Fairbanks gave me an A for having done a good job on my teeth since my last visit . I got a new toothbrush and floss following my visit . At four I went to the station to get the minivan and Chris and I went to the Halloween event at Pioneer Center . We gave out a bunch of balloons to the kids who came . I saw Bruce and Taj from the softball team up there . Following that I went home and changed into street clothes and went to Jason 's place for a movie . We watched " 1408 ″ . It is a horror movie about a writer who reviews places that are supposedly haunted . It was quite a trippy movie . When it was done Russell and I went to Mike 's bar . I got my costume on and away we went . There were so many ten - six - sevens up there it wasn 't funny . A couple guys were dressed up as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles . That consisted of long johns and green paint on their shirtless chest . They had a shell that was made out of some wood and paint on their back . Russell and I both enjoyed the view as they were both very well ripped . A couple others were dressed as Spartans . Those guys also were very good looking . We were up there for several hours . I had some girls who were very afraid of my costume . I also messed with Jonno from the FD . He was dressed up as one of the American Gladiators . He had no idea it was me . Russell told Andrew from the FD that I was the one in the costume . I was upset about that because I had used the costume for a couple years and I wouldn 't tell anyone it was me , even after the time . It was my little secret . When I was on the dance floor a couple girls started to grind on me . It was pretty strange to have that happen . I wasn 't sure how to grind totally and I didn 't want to do it wrong , so I sort of went along with what the girl was doing . We left a little before two in the morning . I went out a door and sort of busted through it . When I got outside a couple cops were there . I put my hands up and tried to make it out that I was not a bad guy . I let them know my " knife " was only a prop . Which was obvious . I was just sort of having fun . I went home and got it washed . While I was washing it Jason called about getting together . He called Russell . I got my truck washed and dried . I picked up Russell and then we went to Jason 's . He got some pizza . We had pizza and watched Transformers . That was a good movie . I really enjoyed it . I also found the main star of the movie was a ten - six - seven . I spent a lot of time watching him in the movie . August 20th , 2007 This evening was I asked to cover for Blanks because he was sick . I went to do rig checks followed by the EMS Evaluator class . When I went inside I found several people who were not from Pullman . One was a pretty boy - like ten - six - seven . Not my normal kind of eye - catching guy , but something about him made me want to see more - a lighter brown skinned white guy with brown eyes and brown hair . When the class was done I helped George look through a list of computer spec that his son is looking at getting as a laptop . August 18th , 2007 Today is the big day . I woke up and got cleaned up . Russell and I needed to go to the tux rental shop to get new pieces for the tux . My shoes needed to be bigger as well as a better fitting shirt size . Once that was completed Russell and I were off to find some roses . We drove around for a little while and bumped into a place called Just Roses . We were able to get two red and two pink roses . We went back to the hotel to check out and send our postcards that we wrote last night . Russell and I took Ryan 's parents to dinner at Franks Diner . I had to cut out a little early and pick up Anna and one of her friends from the mall . I took them to the hotel and then parked my truck . I had been stressing about the best man speech , but this morning in the shower I figured out the direction I wanted to take the speech . I was going to talk about what friends are and what a best friend is . I was going talk about meeting Ryan and playing softball and hanging out with him over the years . I felt better now that I knew what I was going to say . Once everyone got their tuxes on we went around and took photos . I got one of Ryan in the dressing room in a chair . I also got Russell and one of me in the chair as well . We then went out and took photos around the area . I also was getting photos . I got one of Ryan 's brother and his new brother - in - law . Once that was done we were back at the hotel , the time was counting down for the wedding to start . People started to file into the Davenport hotel . The wedding started and it lasted around thirty minutes total . I was the best man and stood next to Ryan . It was neat to see the whole thing . We went and got some more photos and then made our way to the reception room . They made a grand entrance for Ryan and Anna . I sat at the table with Ryan and Anna . I went and made my way through the line for some chow . As it turned out Russell and I were sitting at a table with a couple other gay people . So it was the gay table . With Nick there as well . We did not know the other guys , but it was pretty obvious about them . It came time for the toast . I got up to give my speech . I did a great job doing it . I was prepared and it went smoothly . I did not try to be funny , but the parts that were lighter got some laughter . That was good . When the reception got going Ben gave Russell and I a cigar . We went outside to smoke it . It was not very tasty . Russell got a great photo of him smoking it . As the night was winding down I signed the paperwork for Ryan and Anna 's marriage . While we were doing that Keith mention that he lost a stud from his tux . Ryan looked at me and said " So have you " . August 17th , 2007 I got off work early today to head up to Spokane for Ryan 's wedding . I picked up Russell and we hit the road . It was slow going with all the traffic going both ways . We got near Spokane and I called Ryan to tell him that I had to turn around due to a car accident on the highway . Russell called him back shortly after I hung up worrying that Ryan would be too worried . When we got to Spokane we went to the Davenport where the wedding was going to be held and where we were staying . While in the lobby I saw Ben . He was ten - six - seven . It is funny how different people can be different ten - six - sevens . Ben is more of a young - man like ten - six - seven . Russell thought he was good looking as well . We started with the rehearsal . Everyone practiced walking to their appointed position . Went through the workings of the ceremony . Then it was off to the dinner . We were eating a place just around the corner from the Davenport . On the way back from dinner I decided to walk because we were a block away . Ryan , Russell , Anna , and her friend went back with Ryan . While walking down the road Ryan slowed down to ask " how much " , making a joke that I was a hooker . I said , really loud , " For you , big boy , anything for fifty cents " . I was two steps from the corner . As I turned it there was a guy and a girl walking around the corner we almost bumped each other . The guy gave me a funny look . We had to hurry to get to the comedy show . We ended up sitting up front . That added to the joy of the night for sure . One comedian was on stage and asked if anyone lived with their mom . I started to make a clapping motion then stopped just before hitting hands . He noticed this and pointed it out to everyone . I started laughing very hard . The rest of the evening different comedians would joke about me . One guy looked at Ryan and Russell and said it was nice of them to take " their special friend " out on the town . When the show was done it felt like I had been roasted . It was a great time . I went to the bar area where the comedian who did most of the roasting was . He saw me and came over . He shook my hand and gave me a half - hug . We talked for a few minutes . One guy who was watching the show said I earned a Good Spirit Award for taking the ribbing so well . We went back to the hotel and I started to try to think about what to say for the best - man speech . I was having a hard time coming up with anything . I pulled out a postcard that the Davenport gives away with the room . I got a phonebook and opened it to a random white page location and randomly pointed at a name in the phonebook . I then wrote a message to that person on the postcard . While I was writing the letter to the person a phone call came in around two in the morning . It was hotel security saying we had a noise complaint against us . I then wrote in the letter " We just got a noise complaint , WHATEVA ! " July 29th , 2007 It is about time ! I had a day off and made plans to go to the river with my boat . Russell , Peter S , and Kevin were all coming along . I got my boat started up at the house before we even headed out . I also put the battery on the charger last night to make sure there was a full charge to it . After it was started I put the equipment I figured we would use . Peter and Russell showed up . We went to Safeway to get water , gas , and some food . We called Kevin up and went to get him . Kevin is ten - six - seven . Very nice blue eyes and blonde hair and good looks . We got to the river and launched the boat . I found shortly after launching that there is a pretty good leak on it , so I was going to have to make sure that I kept pumping the water out . It seemed like after being out there for a little bit the leaking slowed down . We drove toward Granite Point and then down to the dam and back past Granite Point . I was looking for a good spot to do some tubing . Finally I decided to go to the Granite Point area because compared to everything else , it looked the best . Russell was the first on the tube . I hit a big wave and Russell went flying out of the tube . The guys in the boat loved it . I got Peter out there next and got a couple good crashes on him . Kevin also had a good wreck . He sort of racked his balls . I took Russell over to Granite Point where he went diving for lost treasures . He found a Mountain Dew and a pair of sunglasses . Peter jumped off the cliff . Then I took him over to the other side of the river where he jumped from the sixty foot cliff . That was an impressive jump . When we were done at the river we went to Cougar Country for some dinner . I went to the fire station and then went with the guys to the training tower where we were doing some stuff with the class A foam and seeing why the foam cell was getting overfilled . It appeared water was getting pushed into it . We found we were unable to flow foam at all . We had some hoses out and sprayed water all over the place for a while though . Following that I went home and got a couple more applications installed on my new laptop . July 23rd , 2007 I had my appointment the doctor 's office today . The appointment was scheduled for eleven o ' clock in the morning . I got to the office about 10 minutes early and filled out the paperwork that was needed . While I was in the office I saw a Sports Illustrated magazine . That cover have a picture of Grady Sizemore . He is a ten - six - seven . I 'd had not noticed that until today . I started to read the article but then I got called back to the exam room . I sat in the exam room for almost forty - five minutes . I was getting very upset while I was sitting there . I was about ready to leave when the doctor came into the room . He looked at my ankle and gave me a set of xrays . After I got the xrays taken the doctor went over the xrays with me . It was hard to tell if there was any damage . The bones appear to be okay but there could have been a problem we were not sure . I will have to get an MRI . I got some doughnuts on the way to work and shared it with everyone in the office . The doughnuts one over very well . I worked with Ricky to get the business objects in the store procedures completed . I was in the office until after eight o ' clock tonight . On my way home I called Ryan . Today is his twenty ninth birthday . It is hard to believe that it has been almost twelve years since I met Ryan . Ryan and I first met while living in Stephenson together . Over the years or friendship has grown closer and closer . Ryan is getting married next month and I 'm going to be his best man and I 'm very excited about that . When I got home I grabbed some dinner and then started working on the speech recognition software for my laptop computer . I 'm getting pretty good at the speech recognition software but it is a lot of work and definitely slower than typing the stuff out myself . For the most part it is doing a very good job but I have to speak a little slower and correct about one word per sentence on average . Over although it 's a pretty good experience and as I use it more I 'm sure it will get better . July 22nd , 2007 Some of them will be up this morning around ten o ' clock in the morning . I decided text Jon to see if we were going to go to the Renton old timers ' picnic . He had not gone yet so him and I run a ride together . We met up at Ron Regis park and carpooled to Lions park from there . Cost twenty five dollars for the entry fee . I covered the cost of food and drinks . They had hot dogs , barbecued spareribs , salmon , corn on the cob , a couple kegs of beer , and a case of whiskey . There was a horseshoe tournament that Terry and Jon were participating in . They only made it one round before they were knocked out by another team . At noon everyone gathered around the main area where the American flag was presented . We were led by the oldest member of the Renton old timers ' and saying the pledge of allegiance . After the pledge , the president of the Renton old timers ' club and other executives members started draw ticket stubs for winners for the whiskey . Anybody who won a bottle of whiskey would be cheered on to open up the bottle take a swig and pass it around . There were people of all ages people as young as in their twenties all way to people in their eighties . They went through twelve bottles of whiskey . I did not end up winning a bottle of whiskey although my number was one off . After the whisky was given out we went to get some food . I had a couple spareribs and I had already had a couple of hot dogs . As soon as most people were done eating we all started lining up around the four - five - six table . I only had brought out sixty dollars with me . I did okay for a couple rounds and then it was my turn to be the banker . I risked all the money I had which was sixty dollars . I rolled a three . The first guy to my left had tapped me . He rolled a natural and beat me . Jon asked me if I wanted to make a withdrawal from the bank of Jon . I told him know I did not and I watched him roll the dice for a while . Finally I did get some money and I played on the same table as Jon . I was winning money pretty well at this table . After a few minutes of playing I was able to pay back Jon the loan I had taken . We were at the party until about five - thirty . We had consolidated the two different tables on to one . Jon was on fire , he could not lose a roll . As I watched join at the end of the night his stack of money was growing and growing and growing . There was one younger guy there . He had blue eyes , and was a ten - six - seven . He seemed very nice and dressed well . Maybe next year I will get a chance to chat with him . After we got back to Jon 's vehicle we spent some time counting his winnings . He had won over eighteen hundred dollars . A stack of dollars was almost an inch and a half thick . July 21st , 2007 I was able to sleep in pretty well . When I got up I did some stuff on my computer for a while waiting until it was time to head to Bellingham . I took a small nap and then hit the road . Traffic was light going up . I got up there and picked up Joe . We went to Apple Bees for dinner . We talked about Joe 's new phone and computers . Then it was back to Joe 's . I played with Doug 's new kitties as Joe got ready . He came down stairs and played with the kitties . Then we hit the road . We started by going to the office where Joe did some paperwork . Then it was off to saving Whatcom county . It was a pretty quiet night for us . We stopped by the dispatch center where I had a chance to see it and talk to Doug . I got some pop and they gave me a sticker that said Junior Deputy . I wore that for the rest of the night . We ended up getting a drunk . While at the SO doing the processing of the drunk I noticed one of the jailers was ten - six - seven . I had seen him there before . There was also a Bellingham cop who was there and was also a ten - six - seven . That was really the majority of the night . We made a couple calls for service that were not too major . We went to one car accident that wasn 't much of one . A drunk ran off the road . Finally we found her and got her arrested . The State Patrol took that one . After Joe 's drunk at the SO , he was going to have to do paperwork and it was near three in the morning so I decided to call it a night . Sort of a slow night , but it is fun to hang out with Joe . The drive home was uneventful as I stayed awake easily the whole way . June 2nd , 2007 I have been needing to get my lawnmower set up for a long time . Since my last trip to Seattle when I bought it . I finally got it set up today . My lawn was already short , so I just ran it across the lawn and helped to cut it . I am going to have to do that probably twice a week and it will keep my grass nice and short . Later in the evening I went to Dissmores to get some chew . While there I saw Brandon and Peter . Kevin , the ten - six - seven , was working . He pointed at me and said to a co - worker of his that was the guy who gave those bad beats . Peter invited me over to play some beerpong . I went home and got cleaned up then went to Peter and Brandon 's . I played one game of beerpong and then Peter , Brandon , and I sat around watching the end of WPT . I went to Zeppoz to see Russell . Beren was also there . I talked to him about his house going up for a sale due to him not paying the mortgage , that is when I found out Denise was no longer dating him , or something like that , at the very least she moved out and that is what put him in a pinch . June 1st , 2007 My day on Mercer Island Boat Patrol was cancelled for today so that meant I had a day off and I could do what I wanted . I decided I would work the jail . But I had some things to take care of in Pullman before I left to go to Colfax . When I got to Colfax I went into Control . I ran control for about an hour before going to the Auditors office to get the tabs for my boat and trailer , but because I did not license them last year , if I were to do it today , I would have to pay for all of last year , plus this coming year . If I wait until the end of the month , then I will only have to pay for the next year . That made it a no - brainer . I sold a phone card to a guy in Orange . Sgt Poffenroth came with me to make sure I could log into Swanson . She didn 't think I would be able to , but I was able to login just fine . So I got the phone card sold . We were heading up stairs to the staff office when she asked if I was the one who always put the backgrounds of the military aircraft . I laughed . I said I don 't even know what that one was . She said , you would probably put pictures of naked men . It because pretty clear she knew that I am gay . She could see me blushing , I could feel my face go flush . Later I went to her office and asked how she knew . She said he has known for years . She figured it out on her own . She said pretty much every officer knows . I was shocked for sure . I knew that Tom knew , so that would increase the chances of others knowing . Captain came in and he confirmed they had known for years . Poff also was shocked that I didn 't know that they knew . Which is a sign that no one really cares at all . I told her how careful I always was with that information because I didn 't want people there to know . Poff said a while back when Donna was trying to set me up with a girl over in the Treasurers office , that she had to tell Captain to let Donna know it would be a moot point trying to get me hooked up . Then Captain said that they knew I was dating the guy who worked at JTI . I knew they were talking about Thomas . That surprised me because he didn 't know who Thomas was , just that I was dating someone from JTI . But Thomas and I were only friends , we never dated . Then he said that we are in a small town . Just like Monte said to me a long time ago . I let Captain know that Thomas and I were just friends . But we use to joke about living in SGC " South Gay Colfax " . He laughed . Poffenroth was cracking up over the fact that I was in the dark about them knowing about me for this whole time . One of my biggest fears was that they would treat me differently or that the inmates would find out . None of that has been the case . Now I wonder who all actually knows and who doesn 't know . If they all know in the jail , do the people over at Colfax Fire know . No one at Colfax Fire has ever said anything to me . But it would be interesting if they have known for a long time too . While working at the jail I got a text message about playing some poker tonight around eleven - thirty pm . I went to Peter 's to play . He had people who work with him at SEL over to play . Kevin , a ten - six - seven , from Dissmore 's was also there . Blue eyes and blonde hair and tall . Plus very nice . He was a good sight for the night . While there another ten - six - seven showed up . He was someone who was stopping by with some over people . We played for hours and hours . In fact it was getting light out . Pretty soon the light coming in the window was actually casting shadows on the poker table . The game broke up around seven o ' clock in the morning . When it was done I had lost a total of six bucks , and that was good considering I was all - in a couple times . One of them I knew I was being beat . There were two Queens on the board . I had a King . There was one King on the board , so I had two pair and I knew Kevin had trips . We went to the river and I knew I needed a King , and a King hit giving Kevin and I a full - house , but mine was better . As it turned out one other guy who was in also had a King , so it turned out we had a one - outer . It came through . Another time I was playing and had pocket - eights . All night long eights have been hitting . So I played them aggressively . I ended up going all in . Kevin again was playing against me . He had over - cards and got two of them on the flop . He was leading . The turn had nothing to help either of us . I was all - in and I needed to have an eight . I was dealing . I burned a card . Then I held the card over the spot where I needed to turn it over . I held on to it for a while because I did not want to see it . Then rapidly I flipped it over . It was an eight . I had won . Everyone was laughing . Someone said the way I did it reminded them of the movie Maverick . May 12th , 2007 I allowed myself to sleep in today . It was nice , but I missed the autopsy it . I decided to get some work done on my garage . I moved everything from the one side near all the cabinets over to the other side . I also picked out a lot of things to get photos of and put onto Craigslist for give away . Jerrid came over and we went to Lapwai for the Palouse Thunders ' last home game of the season . When I got there I decided to take my camera and go take photos of the guys working out on the field . One of them , Ten - six - seven , was doing a lot of kicks . I got a lot of photos trying to get a perfect one of him making the kick , but I was either too fast or slow on the button . While working the booth , Jerrid and the others were up there . I made a comment about how Trevor Ball is always making big plays . I said I say his name every other time I talk . Then Jerrid made a comment about him being my boyfriend . From that point on they were all ribbing me about that . When I would say Trevor Ball , they would all laugh which would make me laugh . Then one time they all knew it was coming , so they were really laughing before I got to say it . I had to turn off the mic before I even said anything . After the game I told Jerrid I was leaving him down there for saying what he did about Ball . So I moved my truck and hid from him . When he finally went to the parking lot he could not see my truck . I went running to get into a position where he could not see me . My first step was into a small hole in the ground . That caused me to fall . I did a full roll and got back up and continued to run . Jerrid called and I told him I was on the Lewiston Grade . Then I came around the corner . It was fun . But it is funny how he was pretty close with the whole comment . I guess maybe I was obsessing . May 6th , 2007 I went to help Chapman 's dad and their family with a computer problem . Chapman 's mom had died the other day and they could not get a computer to boot that she used . They wanted to see if there was anything on there that they needed to take care of . I was there for about two hours . We had our first game today . We were playing Dental Pain . We had a good first inning batting around . Then in the fourth we went crazy and scored sixteen runs . We were up by so much I finally told everyone that we were going to go station - to - station meaning we were not going to run the bases aggressively . For the last inning , Matt our shortstop , who totally reminds me of Brandon and is a big ten - six - seven , let me play shortstop . I said something to him and then went to tap him . I hit his stomach , and it was hard as a rock . Holy smokes ! I had one play at shortstop and made it . That made me feel good . After the game I met Pam to look at a place on NW Ventura . It has a wonderful view of the Palouse and sunsets . It has really small bedrooms however . I am going to look at a couple others on NW Ventura tomorrow . I went to the fire station . While I was there talking with the guys doing their weekly rig checks a fire alarm came out . Within about one minute of that call a second call for a structure fire come out . Chapman came down . We took Engine Thirty - One to the scene . But it turned into nothing . While we were getting ready to clear an EMS call came out . We drove to the scene and were first there . April 11th , 2007 It has been a little while since I did a class at the station . I had only eight people show up because of cancellations and sicknesses . It turned out to be a good group of students . One guy was ten - six - seven . We talked after the class for a tiny bit . Turns out he is going to become an Eastside Fire and Rescue volunteer . He said that he had been on ride - alongs with Pullman . But he is leaving school so he did not try to sign up for the reserve program , though he had thought about it . March 26th , 2007 This morning was my radio show . Daniel from the College Republicans . They did a demonstration on the CUB Mall about having English as the official language of America . We talked about it for over an hour . I finally figured out what was going on with the telephone not working correctly . I figured out that there is a button on the Mic slider where I have to turn on the Tel button . It was a good conversation . After the radio show I went home and waited until it was time to go to the Magic Show in Todd Aud . It was Brian Bushwood . He is a younger guy and he had an assistant who was a big time ten - six - seven . After the show was done I went up and talked to both of them . I also got them added to MySpace . During the radio show Bushwood showed some tricks about how you can win at different events . He was doing one for Simon Says . When I was one of the guys who was still in play , he said for everyone to come to the stage to continue the game . I didn 't want to go to the stage so I just stood there . Everyone else went walking up there . Then he said " Simon did not say " . I sort of laughed because the only reason I did not go up there was because I didn 't want to go up there at all . March 22nd , 2007 After getting to bed so late I was not awake until just after ten o ' clock . I was supposed to have a flooring estimate . But either the guy did not show up , or he rang the doorbell and left . Either way he did not leave a card nor call me up . I spoke to Nick about softball . It turns out his team did not get created so he will be playing on my team and bring a guy along with him . That is good news for us . Neither of the two guys from the free agent I e - mailed about playing on the team got back to me . I was supposed to have a managers meeting today for the team I also had plans to do drive time with the guys . So I got someone else to do the managers meeting . I got together with Tyson , Andrew , and Morgan . We did a lot of stuff with driving around the cones and practiced doing some of the things they would have to do in the cone course . I also hit the WSU Surplus auction today . I saw Kelly and Matt there . Matt is the one who reminds me of Brandon . He is a ten - six - seven and a very nice guy . He plays shortstop and does a very good job at it . They were getting pants for the softball team . They had a lot of old WSU baseball pants . They all got some and Kelly told me to get some if I was going to play in some of their tournaments . I picked up some pants and socks . There were some file cabinets but I did not get one . They are going to be expensive , but they are better and cheaper than those at Office Depot and Staples . February 28th , 2007 Tyson and I were supposed to work an event at Beasley . When we got up there I was starting to think there was a mistake . Sure enough someone saw us and said she thought the event was in Bryan Aud . We loaded our equipment in the mini - van and drove over to Bryan . When we got inside we talked to the performers . They directed us to the person in charge of everything . That is when we found out they we were not even needed at the event . Tyson and I fueled the rig and called it a night . Mike brought over the poker table and the folding chairs . I decided that I was going to buy it from him . He has a nice table and with the folding chairs I will have enough chair to fit more than ten people for poker games . Mike invited me to go out to Rico 's with them . It was a good night out on the town . Andy and Mike were there . We played a lot of pool . There was a ten - six - seven who had a perfect square for a soul patch . It was well trimmed and the dark hair make it stand out . I spent some time looking that way . Then another ten - six - seven came in and was a friend of Mike 's . He played some pool with us . We left around midnight and I went to Russells . A group of people were there and we played Apples to Apples and had some pie . I won the first game of Apples to Apples when we could argue for our decisions . Then one girl who I had not met before was complaining that it was no fun to debate whose card was the best . She just wanted people to lay the cards down and have it chosen without any reasoning . It was fun to play that way , but I thought it was funny that she seemed mad that we had to debate points . I have been wanting to get back to Diamond Lil 's for a while . I finally decided tonight I would head down there . When I arrived it was pretty busy . I had to wait for a while to get a seat . Finally when I did I was playing my game . Very tight . I was doing well , infact I had more than doubled my buy - in . Then my name was called to move up to the higher limit tables . That table was not as nice to me . I called a couple hands and I was not doing very well . I was down to my last forty bucks . I got pocket nines . The flop was an Ace - Four - Four . The turn was a Four . Someone got me all in . I went ahead and called . I realized my only hope was a nine hitting , because the others were playing with an Ace . A nine hit on the river giving me a better full - house than everyone else at the table . That put me back into the game , but I was down from my starting point of coming to that table . While I was sitting there a ten - six - seven was seated at the table . When I first saw him I was thinking he was younger and dressed a little like he was a G . Then when he sat at our table I was able to get a better look . I loved his haircut . It is very short . I don 't know what it is about guys and long hair . It looks horrible . I have seen some guys who I thought were butt - ugly get a good haircut and all of a sudden they were actually very good looking . So after seeing his widows peak and his hands and arms I could see he was a little older than I thought . Now I put him around his mid - to upper - twenties . His fingernails were very nicely trimmed , almost look manicured . He didn 't have the blonde hair that makes everything so much better , but it was a nice light brown . Gave me something to stare at when I was not playing a hand . Finally a little after midnight I decided to cut my losses and leave . I walked out of there only down fourteen bucks on the night . Not too back for going all - in at one point . February 16th , 2007 I worked on my bugs and got a lot of them retired . Ricky , Noah , and I went to QDoba for lunch . After we were done I had some time to get my database updated . Then we had our meeting . I was telling them about my problem with the GFE and Shawn told me that he made some changes and that I needed to update some stuff and I would be good to go . I did those updates and got the remaining bugs fixed . Then I worked on finishing off Shawn 's bugs . I got those done as well . After dinner I spent time watching TV with the family . I had planned on staying up late because I am getting ready for the ride along with Joe . Joe was online and we chatted for a while . He said that he wants me to start to work for his company again . He wants to pay me five bucks a month now . I went to Diamond Lil 's a little bit after midnight . I got some cash and found a seat at a four - eight table . My name was on the list for a eight - sixteen table . I had lost some money at four - eight early on . But I won a couple good pots and I was back near even . Then when I went to the eight - sixteen table I bought in for more money because I wanted to be able to compete . I was playing tight after the flop but loose before the flop . One guy at the table was kicking butt . He was playing really loose and always betting . He won pot after pot after pot . He was up around eight - hundred bucks at one point . A couple ten - six - sevens came in . I recognized one of them from playing there before . He was ripped and very fit . He started by playing at a different table . Then he moved to my table . When he was coming to my table I could not take my eyes off him . Then I looked down and realized that everyone was watching for me to do my action . Oops ! Oh well I spent the rest of the time playing cards and watching his arms flex and show off his muscle as he moved . I won a couple nice pots after being on the ropes at one point . I was getting some good start cards but the flop was bad . But sometimes it would be a good flop for me . At one point I had pocket fives . I was going to fold . I ended up staying . The flop was all cards under nine . With how loose people were I played . And on the river I caught a five and busted a guy who had jacks . December 30th , 2006 Russell came over to my place and helped me remove hard drive from some of the computers I was giving away . I found though that there were four computers in the garage I am not getting rid of at this point . So I will have six computer cases sitting around unless I take some time to go through them and get rid of them . I think I will have to do that , but I don 't have the time any time soon . I need to make a list of things I want to get done and put them in order by priority . After we were done with the computer we went to Moscow . First to Walmart followed by Office Depot , then to Hastings . We looked at the selection of gay magazines . Then we went to the mall . Starting by going to Macy 's and then down to the bed and bath place . That is probably the most gay place to be in the mall . Perfect for us I suppose . When we walked inside there was a ten - six - seven working . I spent some time trying to figure out if he was family or not . After watching him and his actions I started to think that , plus the fact he chose to work there . At one point when I talked to him it was pretty clear he was family . I was looking at getting some oils that when heated give off a pleasant odor . I chose not to when I saw the prices for everything . I got ready to hit Colfax for some poker . I got someone to cover for me at the fire department . We played a dealers choice game down there . Jim , Connie , Scott , Carl , Kathy , and I were there for several hours playing poker . I ended up losing some . Connie , the newbie , and Kathy did okay . I think Jim won some money as well . I was down there until nearly one in the morning when the game finally broke up . I my way back to Pullman I called Whitcom to let them know I was on call for the coroner . I also asked to talk to Jamie . Did you hear Saddam was executed ? ( The other person will usually make some sort of comment whether it is sarcastic or just affirming that they had heard . ) I guess he was given three options for method . Hanging , firing squad , or driving on One - Ninety - Five . December 26th , 2006 This morning we started out with boat training . We were working on the Jason 's Cradle and other items that we may need to use . Dearth , as well as a couple of the other new guys , a two cops , and two new Mercer Island firefighters were all there . The firefighters were ten - six - sevens . One of them had a brother at WSU . He had come over here for the Apple Cup . The equipment was pretty cool . The Jason 's Cradle was really neat in its operation . It is used to get people out of the water , and you don 't have to get into the water to get them out . It doesn 't matter if they are conscious or not . We were on the water for about three hours doing the training . When it was done I went back to the office . I was there getting the bugs fixed and completed . I was able to get one done that had been causing me troubles for a while . But when I got it fixed I was thinking about how easy it was . I just had to get on the right track .
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By now most of you should have gotten our Christmas letter . Some of you may be wondering why on earth our Christmas letter was printed on card stock . Perhaps you were thinking that we are just really stuck on ourselves and think that our letter is more important then most others that you will receive . Well that might be true . . . just kidding . To tell this story properly I have to go back , back , back . . . to June . We live very close to a Postal Copy Center . I needed to make some copies on card stock , so I went in and here is the conversation that I had with the lady . me : " I would like 25 of these on card stock please . " lady : " On what ? " me : " On card stock . " lady : " What is that ? " me : Stunned silence , then " You know , thicker paper . " lady : " We don 't have that . " me : Huh ? ! Now fast forward to December . I try to find cute Christmas paper at Walmart , but let 's face it , that store is just to big to find anything that you are actually looking for , so I give up and think I will just have them run it off on green paper . I go back to my special Postal Copy Center . I give the man my letter and tell him I would like it run off on green paper . After he gets the copies going , he brings the first one to me . Here is the conversation that I had with him . me : " This is card stock . I didn 't want it on card stock , I just wanted normal paper . " man : Comes over and shakes the edge of the paper as if to prove something to me and says , " This is normal paper . " me : " No , this is card stock . " man : " Do you want me to stop the copier ? " me : " Yes . " man : " I can 't . It would mess up all of my other copiers . " me : Huh ? What ? Why ? What just happened here ? ( This was all said in my head . On my face was just a look of consternation and annoyance . ) So I get home and start trying to stuff envelopes with stupid card stock . The envelopes that came with our Christmas cards required folding the paper over as well as in thirds . Believe me , this is not easy to do with card stock . Well I get about a third of the way done and all of a sudden our Christmas letter is superimposed over someoPosted by Sweet : Last night Eric made up song for each member of the family on the piano . Each one consisted of him playing random notes , and basically singing the family members name over and over again . He would sing one and then say " Now I sing Andrew 's song . . . . Andrew , Andrew , Andrew . . . . " You get the idea . We couldn 't go upstairs to bed until we each had our song . Yeah , sweet ! Sour : Yesterday morning I got a bowl down for Eric 's cereal . It is his favorite bowl . It is brown and shaped like a mitt . Well he sat down , threw the bowl off the table and said , " I not want brown bowl . " He said this over and over for about 20 minutes . Finally he got interested in something else and I cleaned up breakfast . Not wanted to start anything , I picked up the bowl and put it back in the cupboard . Eric saw me . He went and got a chair , pushed it over to the counter , climbed onto the counter , got the bowl back out , went and sat back down at his seat , threw the bowl off the table and said , " I not want brown bowl " ! ! ! Um . . . not so sweet . We had our ward Christmas Party a couple of weeks ago , and they told us to dress in time period clothes . Andrew decided to dress up as a wise man , and we had Eric dress up as a shepherd . They had a program where they acted out the Christmas story from Luke , but the audience was only involved in the singing . Andrew did not understand this , and all night he kept asking us when it was going to be time for him to go and give his present to the baby Jesus . We kept trying to tell him that we weren 't involved in the program but it just wasn 't sinking in . In his mind , he was a wise man so he needed to give a present to baby Jesus . The way they did the program was they would read from the scriptures , and then whoever they had just read about , e . g . Mary and Joseph , shepherds , etc would make their way to the stable while singing a song . Well when they read about the shepherds Andrew said , " Okay Eric , it 's your turn . " We kept trying to explain it to him that we weren 't in the program , but he wasn 't having any of it . He was just so excited in a sweet and innocent way to go up and present his gift . How could I refuse ? So when they read the part about the wise men , I walked up with him so that he could set down his present in front of the baby . Luckily the lady who played Mary has a son Andrew 's age and she was so gracious , and we got A LOT of " Ahh , isn 't that just the sweetest thing you 've ever seen " looks on our way back to our seats . I told Reed , this was one of those experiences that made me want to cry , and yet was pretty embarrassing too . I was proud of him . He is such a good boy . I love his innocence . Last week we chose a name off the Angel Tree and we went to Walmart to get presents for a little boy . On the way there we kept talking about how we were helping this little boy have Christmas and how we were all going to feel warm and fuzzy inside for doing something good . Well after we bought all of the stuff Andrew asked why he didn 't feel warm and fuzzy inside . So we tried to explain some ways that he could feel the SpiriPosted by Andrew and I both recently had birthdays . Mine was first so I will start with it . Andrew is so great . As soon as he woke up he went downstairs and made signs and pictures for me and hung them up all over the house . He got treats out of the pantry and put them by my spot for breakfast . Then he set up different game stations . Here is a list of the different birthday party stations that we had : 1 - Bounce the ball into the shoe2 - Pin the feather on the turkey3 - Read the books4 - Read the comics5 - Play with the cars6 - Play with the animals7 - Eat breakfast . Pretty much it was the coolest birthday party ever . When Reed got home from work he brought me these beautiful flowers . Sweet ! Andrew turned 5 a couple of days ago . He decided that he wanted to have a friends party this year , so this was our first experience with a friends only party . It was Reed and I versus 1o little kids . It actually went really well . Our neighbor girl told me that it was the funnest party at someone 's house that she has ever been too . So there you go . We are totally awesome apparently . Andrew wanted a Lightning McQueen Cake , and he helped me make it . While he was mixing up the batter with the beaters he said " Hey mom , this looks like your tummy . " Anyone who has given birth can probably sympathize with me on this observation by my 5 year old . Unless you were one of those freakishly lucky people who didn 't get 10 , 000 stretch marks . Anyway , lets just say that knocked me down a couple of notches . What I wanted to say was " Hey , you 're the one who did this to my stomach , and any spot that you left free of stretch marks , Eric came along and took care of ! ! ! " I didn 't though . I just smiled and helped him make an AWESOME cake . By the way , he and Eric are totally worth the loss of my flat stomach . Also I just have to tell you what Andrew requested for his special birthday dinner . He asked for a peanut butter sandwich , peanut butter pretzels , carrot sticks , mickey mouse cheese , and apple slices . YUM ! We love you Andrew . Posted by Eric loves Thomas the Train , so that is what he was for Halloween . Reed and I made his costume on Friday night , and when he woke up the next day and saw it he was so excited . Eric was totally amazed by the Trick - or - Treat thing . When he realized that people were putting candy into his bag , he let out a little whoop of delight and did a jig . It was totally awesome and hilarious . All night he kept telling people that he was Thomas , and then at one of our last houses a lady said , " Are you Thomas ? " and Eric replied , " No , I Eric . " For several months now Andrew has wanted to be Larry Boy from VeggieTales for Halloween . For the benefit of those who don 't know who this is , I will explain . Larry the Cucumber turns into a superhero , Larry Boy , who has plungers for ears . Well we went to 4 different stores chasing the elusive mini plunger that everyone claimed existed for garbage disposals , but to no avail . So we had to make do with making our own plungers . Not many people knew who Andrew was , but those who did got a huge kick out of it . Also as a fun bonus to his costume , he could whack people just by turning his head quickly . Posted by If you know Andrew , you know that he gets VERY VERY nervous about change . So we were understandbly terrified about how he would deal with preschool . He started a couple of weeks ago . He was so nervous , but when I went to pick him up that first day he said , " Mom , you came too soon . " It really was an answer to prayer . Also if you know Andrew , you know that when he finds something that he likes he becomes obsessed with it . Well lately he has been absolutely obsessed with big cats , and it has now expanded to all wild animals . Every week he checks out several books about wild animals . Some of them have talked about animals that are endangered . This really concerned Andrew , and he kept asking us what we could do to help the animals . We told him that one thing we could do was make a donation to a foundation that protects animals . So he ran to his room and started dumping out his banks . When I asked him how much he wanted to donate he said , " I can give all of it if the animals need that much . " It was so sweet . He ended up donating $ 10 and Reed and I each matched it . He chose to sponser a tiger . But he wanted to help more animals , so we told him that instead of a birthday present from us we could donate more money . He decided that would be good , so he chose to donate to help the wolves for his birthday . Then he asked if he could do the same thing for one of his Christmas presents . He is such a good boy , and he is a great example to us . Throughout the day , he would just squeal and look at us and say " I helped the animals ! " Andrew decided that he wanted us to have a really scary decoration for Halloween , so we decided to continue the awesome tradition that I had growing up of making a headless man for the front of the house . Anyone who lived in my neighborhood growing up probably remembers this totally cool tradition . Especially the year that we put the guy on the roof . I can 't tell you how many times that thing gave all of us a near heart attack . Anyway , Andrew and Eric had tons of fun making this little fella . Although Andrew says it isn 't scary it 's just fun . We went to a farm last week that had lots of fun fall activities . We got " lost " in a corn maze , rode in a corn cob train , rode peddle carts , ran in a hamster wheel , saw pig races , rode horses , and more . We were all very worn out and very sunburned at the end ( because mom of the year forgot the sunscreen ) . Andrew and Eric at the pig races . My boys in the hamster wheel . Me and my boys in the train . It was a tight squeeze . I was very glad when this ride was over and I could unbend my body . Reed and Eric riding a pedal cart . Andrew on the pedal carts . He totally knocked a lady over and didn 't say sorry because he said he was too shy . Posted by It 's easy to be a parent when your babies are sleeping . Reed and I love to check on our boys when they are asleep . They take on a very angelic , fragile look . If we have lost patience with them at all throughout the day , this is when we feel the guilt . As we stare down at them it is hard to remember all the times they made our eyes twitch that day . Sorry about the crazy video shooting , but in my defense I was the chaser . I just wanted you to see how Andrew protects Eric like I wrote about yesterday . Then the other video was just so stinkin ' cute that I had to share . Andrew and his cousin , Justin , absolutely love each other . They had a sleep over and we found them holding hands when we went to check on them . Great Grandpa and Great Grandma play the accordian , so they let Andrew and Eric have a turn . Hopefully this will be the only time we will see our boys behind bars . Me too . . . I don 't think I 'm going to suddenly start a life of crime . There is a totally fun park in Provo with swings that go really high . Well Eric just couldn 't get pushed high enough . It 's funny because 6 months ago 1 foot was high enough for Andrew . Not Eric though . He kept saying " Higher , higher " . He got going crazy high . He was going way above our heads . And he didn 't want to stop . He was so upset when we made him get off . He 'd been swinging for at least 30 minutes . I felt queasy just watching him . Posted by Eric , Jonas ( cousin ) , and Andrew at Thanksgiving PointEric and Reed throwing rocks in Provo RiverAndrew and Grandpa taking a short break from throwing rocks in the river . Eric and Jonas hiding under the stage at the Timp Storytelling Festival . You can tell by their faces that they knew they are doing something that they weren 't supposed to do . Andrew , Eric , and Jonas on a stage at the Timp Storytelling Festival . They put on quite a show for us . So we went to Utah last month . We had such a great time . Andrew and Eric loved hanging out with their cousins . One of their very favorite things to do was go up Provo Canyon and throw rocks in the river . I 'm surprised we didn 't make a dam , we threw so many rocks in . Tonight we were eating dinner and Eric randomly started talking about throwing big rocks in the river . Andrew 's other favorite thing was going to BYU campus . He was in heaven . He got a BYU t - shirt that is now his favorite shirt . We went a few days before BYU 's first football game . So the day of the game everyone had their BYU flags out . Every time Andrew saw anything that had to do with BYU he would get so excited . So we would hear squeals of joy every few minutes every time we went somewhere . So it has been awhile . Here are some random cute photos of our family . Just some quick updates . Eric is still completely obsessed with trains . Especially Thomas the Train . I have to sing him the Thomas the Train song every night before he goes to bed . . . and that is a long song . In fact we have a whole regimen of songs that I have to sing every night . First I have to sing 2 Dora the Explorer songs , then the Bob the Builder Song , and then the Thomas song . If I try to cut corners and skip a song he always calls me on it . We went to a train museum the other day , and Eric was in heaven . They had a whole bunch of trains lined up that we could walk through , unfortunately there was no A / C and it was sooo hot . Reed and I were miserable , but the boys didn 't seem to care . Lately Eric has been saying " Hey look kids . " I don 't know where he got it but it is just about the cutest thing that we have ever heard . I wish I could get it on video so that you could hear it . Reed and I enjoy being called kids . . . especially by our 2 year old ! Andrew and Daddy hiking through the " forest " . Andrew is such a great big brother . He loves Eric and is so protective of him . When we are playing chase he makes sure that Eric is in front of him so that I have to get through him to get to Eric . There are times when he tries to block me and yells , " Run Eric , run . " It is pretty heart warming . Today Eric fell down and started to cry . Andrew went running over and gave him a big hug and kiss . They really look out for each other , except for when they want the same toy : ) . So Andrew has been saying a lot of cute things lately too . Reed and I have discovered that we are horrible at remembering all of the cute things our boys say , so for everything I write , there are probably 10 more things I 've forgotten . This morning the boys were eating powdered donuts for breakfast . Reed and I were sprawled out on the living room floor because we were still really sleepy . Andrew came in and said , " I 'm sorry to have to tell you this , but I spilled white powder all over the kitchen floor . " A few minutes later he asked us about why we were splayed out , and we said " We 're just easing into our day . " So a couple minutes later Andrew comes over and is in the process of stripping off all of his clothes while performing a little jig . When I asked what on earth he was doing he said " Oh I 'm just easing into my day . " It was hilarious ! A couple of weeks ago we were outside playing with the next door neighbors , and the mom told me she had a tote of toys for us . While we were going inside she brought them over . In the meantime , her kids had invited Andrew to come to their house until dinner time . As he was going into their house Andrew said , " Mama , will you get a surprise ready for me ? " " Like for dinner ? " I asked . " No , just a surprise for FHE , " he said sweetly . I laughed and said " Okay . " So Eric and I go home and go through this toy tote , so when Andrew got home there were new toys spread all over the toy room . He looked around wide eyed and said with awe and admiration , " Mama , thank you for my surprise . How did you get this surprise ready so fast ? " What can I say , I 'm good . Best surprise EVER ! ! ! So Eric is talking so much now , he is saying some really cute things . I thought I better write some of them down before I forget them . The other day Eric came into me , pulled up his shirt and said , " belly off ? " I said , " No silly , you can 't take your belly off , " and he just laughed and laughed . So now it is a game . We do it over and over again . If Eric wants to play chase he comes in and says , " Ga ah me . " We don 't really get where this one comes from , but he says it with this sly look on his face that is just so stinkin ' cute . Then when we take off running after him he screams like a woman . His scream really is blood curdling . If the game lasts a long time and he is getting tired he will stop and say , " lil ' rest , lil ' rest . " Then 5 seconds later " Ga ah me . " Every night when I 'm singing him bedtime songs , he tries to sing with me . He doesn 't know the words , but he always gets the last sound of each line right . Every once and a while he get a couple words in a row right and he looks so pleased with himself . Lately when we 've been saying prayers , when we are done Eric says " Pray Dada " really urgently . So then we have to say a special prayer for Reed . This repeats for each member of our family . It doesn 't matter if we included every one 's name in the original prayer , we have to have our own individual prayers . He won 't stand for doubling up . When you ask Eric to point to any body part that is double ( i . e . ears , eyes , cheeks ) he points to one and says " cheek " then pointing to the other one , " and other cheek " . I think he really thinks that one is called " cheek " and one is called " other cheek . " So every night he has to have a kiss on " cheek and other cheek " . What a cutie pie . Missy and her girls were here this past week . We had tons of fun together . . . but I am wondering if the girls might have been a little too influential on my boys . Friday night all of us girls gave each other pedicures . When Andrew saw our toes on Saturday morning , he had Darcey paint his toes . Later that day he asked me if we could buy some more nail polish so that I could keep painting his nails . Awkward ! Then later they ushered Eric into the kitchen to show me his new hairdo . We were definitely all getting in touch with our feminine sides . I think Reed was a little distressed though . Especially about Andrew 's toes . He 'll have to help the boys work on their manly grunting and burps just to help even things out again . It is quite possible that I will have a band practicing in my garage in 10 - 15 years . Andrew is so into air guitar and singing and making crazy rocker faces . It is hilarious , and sometimes a little frightening . He is a character . . . he just can 't help himself . He dances to the beat of his own drummer . The other day , we were cleaning and listening to U2 . Andrew says , " Mama , we need to take a break to walk around looking cool . " HA ! So our little Eric turned 2 a couple of weeks ago . It is hard to believe . He has turned into quite a little man . He 's taking his 2 's very seriously . His fit intensity has increased , his demands have become louder and more frequent , and the phrase , " no mama " is commonly heard coming out of his cute , cherubic mouth . We were outside playing with the neighbors and Eric was having a hard time sharing his truck . Well the neighbor girl asked what Eric 's problem was . I tried explaining to her that he is still learning how to share , and how it 's a hard lesson to learn . . . blah , blah , blah . Then Andrew pipes up and says , " He 's 2 . " I thought that was probably the best , most succinct answer possible . There are some very wonderful things about this age too . Eric is talking more and more everyday , interacting more with Andrew , and grasping more concepts . The other day Andrew was telling Knock Knock jokes , so Eric decided that he would to . Here are a couple that he came up with . " Knock knock . Who 's there ? Boo . Boo who ? ( wild laughter by Eric ) " " Knock knock . Who 's there ? Scoop . Scoop who ? Scoop Bob . ( laughter ) " This joke is referencing Eric favorite show Bob the Builder . His two favorite characters are Bob and Scoop . In fact as soon as he wakes up in the morning he says " Scoop Bob . " Andrew and Eric are getting so cute with each other . Whenever one of them gets hurt , the other one comes over and gives him a big hug . It 's extra cute because while Eric is quite a bit shorter then Andrew , their heads are the same size . I don 't know why but for some reason that makes it more adorable when they hug . Eric 's favorite things right now are cars and trucks . He plays with them all the time . He has named our two cars " blue car " and " black car " . If we go a day without getting to ride in the car , he starts going through withdrawals . The other day Reed and I were getting ready for bed and we heard Eric call out " Blue car " in his sleep . It was totally awesome ! Anyway . . . we love you Eric . We are so glad you came to our family . You are wonderful ! Last week the boys and I were playing and the phone rang . It was a recording telling me there was a tornado watch in our immediate area and to take cover . Ahhhh ! We went into the bathroom , and then I thought , " Well how long do we have to stay in here " ? Luckily there was never a tornado , but we did wake up to flooding . Our cul - de - sac was fine , but these pictures are just around the corner from us . It was crazy ! Posted by I think we still look this good don 't you ? Reed and I have now been married 10 years ! Crazy ! That has really made us feel old . Missy watched the boys for us for a day . We went to Dinosaur Valley State Park . They have dinosaur footprints in the river . It was really cool . Yes , we are geologists and we are nerdy . We know it . We spent the night at a hotel , and we were really looking forward to a good night sleep without Eric waking up or Andrew climbing into bed with us . Well , we think that the fates are against us . At about 12 : 30 a . m . I woke up because it sounded like someone was trying to open our door . Then I hear this obviously very drunk man yelling in the hallway for his friend to let him in . He kept yelling nonsensically , interrupted periodically by him gagging . We laid there for a while wondering why no one had called the front desk . Once he started running up and down the hall knocking on people 's doors I decided I would have to call myself . Especially when he knocked on our door . Both our phones were unplugged and I couldn 't figure out how to get the stupid things plugged back in , so I was sure he was going to break down the door and kill us . ( I was really tired ) . Luckily Reed got the phones plugged in and they sent up security . And guess what ? The guy was on the wrong floor . Shocker ! Don 't get drunk , it just makes you look like an idiot . We really did have a lot of fun though . It was just the right amount of time . I couldn 't have left the boys for more then 1 day . In fact I almost called the whole thing off within the first 30 minutes because I wasn 't sure I could leave them for so long ! Posted by Yes I know it has been forever since I have posted . I am sorry . There are a couple of things that I am going to post that have happened in the last couple of months though because . . . well because I want to . The reason I got out of the habit of blogging in the first place was that we had visitors off and on for a couple of months . We went to the livestock show a while ago . We had lots of fun . They had this little farm where the kids got to pretend to be farmers . They fed fake chickens and got eggs , milked cows , picked fruit , got sheep 's wool , and then got to sell everything at the end and pick something out of a store at the end . All the kids thought it was great . Eric was super cute in his little apron . We saw pig races which were totally awesome . Reed and Andrew are superheros . Here is Andrew doing a Superhero Song . He wore this same outfit to the grocery store the other day . He insisted on riding on the side of the cart so that " Everyone can see that there is a superhero in the store , mama . " So we finally decided to cut the curls off of our little baby . Andrew claimed that he was going to cut Eric 's hair , so we told him he could cut off the first curl . Eric did pretty good . He kept looking around trying to figure out what I was doing . When I used the clippers , it tickled so he would tilt his head to the side and scrunch his neck up so much that I couldn 't even get to his hair . But we put Cars in and he was fascinated enough to let me finish . He definitely looks like a big boy now . Posted by We went to get our pictures taken last Saturday . Let 's just say that our photographer earned her money . Andrew started off good and then he started thinking about it too much . Everytime she asked him to smile he would bite his lower lip . She finally told Andrew that if he did it again she was going to spank him . Well he didn 't think that was funny so he was done for . It took Eric about 5 seconds to burst into tears . I began to think that it just wasn 't going to work out . Looking back through the pictures though is pretty funny watching Eric 's range of emotions . Enjoy ! Posted by
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With nerves strung high , Liam stepped into the store . Six pairs of feminine eyes tried to meet his gaze . Ugh , he thought . Being the center of attention was not something he enjoyed , but this was important enough to face what was sure to be an uncomfortable time . Any amount of uneasiness was worth finding the perfect gift for the love of his life . Liam straightened his shoulders and walked up to the first glass case . The knowing smile on the saleslady 's face irritated him , but he would deal with it . He hated that she could see how tense he was , but he answered her probing questions and let her steer him to another display . His eyes went straight to it . In shock , he stared at the most beautiful piece of jewelry he 'd ever seen . It sat nestled on a large stand raised higher than the ones surrounding it . Heart shaped and shiny with blue stones , the exact color of his love 's eyes , lining the edges . Nothing else in the case mattered . The woman explained something about birthstones and prices , but he barely heard her . Picturing the recipient wearing it held his attention . She would think of him every time she looked at it , and of course , she would never take it off . It made him happy that she would always know who loved her most . Triumphant and smiling he turned to his companion . With Mother 's Day coming up , it seemed like a good one to use . It took me a few minutes to come up with something , but once I got going , it didn 't take long to write all my ideas . I planned to type it up and figure out what to keep and discard when I got home . I didn 't . I put the notebook down and didn 't pick it up again until today , though I did think about it some . My muse was nowhere to be found , so I didn 't try very hard . Then I went to my follow - up appointment ( after having an injection in my back ) . It was reiterated to me that I either get to keep taking pain pills , agree to get a pain relieving implant , or have major surgery - another fusion . I wasn 't in the best mood afterward , and I was fairly irritable , just ask my poor husband . I watched some TV , did some reading , messed around on the internet , and felt sorry for myself . Then something happened . I don 't know what prompted it , but my muse slapped me around a bit . I grabbed my notebook and started typing . The story was surprisingly easy to write because I just didn 't care if it sucked or not . All I wanted was to get it written . I used every idea I had on Sunday , and while I know it 's not perfect , screw that , it IS perfect because I wrote ! At this point , any writing is good . I was in pain as I wrote this , but I still did it , so I 'm content . Two years ago I wrote a piece of flash fiction called The Fence ( click here to read the original ) . It was one of my favorite stories , but there was something wrong with it . I couldn 't figure it out , but I knew it didn 't flow as well as it could . Eventually , I asked some other writer 's what they thought the problem was and almost all of them said the change in viewpoint was what threw them off . I jotted down a few ideas to fix it and put it away . Today I picked it up and made the changes and the following is the result . Any thoughts about it are welcome ! The older woman watched her child for a moment . Taryn 's blonde curls , so like her own once was , had escaped the braids so patiently done that morning . It stood out at all angles , emphasizing the girl 's anger . " No Taryn , it 's not safe . Just because you haven 't seen the bad things , doesn 't mean they aren 't there . " Laurel heard a strange sound on the other side of the fence near where her daughter stood . It was almost birdlike , but she knew no bird had ever made that noise . Knowing full well what that meant , Laurel moved quickly . She grabbed Taryn and ran to the cellar door , throwing it open . She pushed the child in and pulled the door closed . The girl fell down the last few steps , but Laurel was too busy with the lock to help her . She struggled with the bolt until it slid into place . Laurel carefully descended the stairs , stepping over the last lock of her hair she hadn 't felt fall . Taryn sat on the floor crying . She was poking at something in front of her . Oh hell . She sighed . Hopefully , they wouldn 't lose any other parts today . She was startled when the door rattled , but the lock held . She rushed back up the steps and pressed her remaining ear to the door to listen as the intruders passed by . As the men started moving away , Laurel glanced at Taryn 's sad face . Only one thing would make her feel better . With a sigh , she pulled the bolt and prepared to get her daughter a snack . Dread filled Thomas . They would come for him soon . He glanced around the holding room and saw his fear mirrored in the eyes of the others . Every one of them knew their turn would come . Like him , they had no choice . Still , he knew each of the would - be victims hoped they weren 't next . The door opened , and a woman signaled to him . She didn 't look so threatening , he thought , but he knew better . Well , he would go to his fate with his head held high . He stood , and before he followed the torturer , he caught one of the others staring at him in sympathy . The tears in her eyes almost broke him , but he resolutely stepped forward . They tortured him for an hour . At some point , a man took over . It got worse from there . Needles , sharp tools , and unexplainable pain followed . No matter what they did , he didn 't talk . Finally , he was released . The woman who brought him to his cell pointed to the way out and left him . He ran to the door and stumbled through . His mother was waiting for him . Can you tell I 'm about to go to the dentist ? I don 't need fillings though . I have to get a crown , or more accurately , they will take the mold for the crown , and possibly redo the temporary I have . I 'm so sick of dental stuff ! Anyway , I used a one - word writing prompt today - Dread . It seemed fitting because it 's what I 'm feeling . Also , I wrote this in fifteen minutes so it is the roughest of rough drafts . I didn 't even try to fix spelling . " As I walked in the woods of my father 's lands I came upon him . He was injured and seemed innocent enough . He desperately needed help , so I took him into my care . I thought James a good man , but when he was well , he stole me away and brought me to this cave . You arrived just in time . " Being me , I decided to twist it a bit . My goal was to keep it under 200 words . I probably could pare it down but I like it the way it is . Soleil wiped the last remnants of sleep from her eyes as she sat up . She would see her daughter soon , which always filled her with joy . It was strange how much she missed the child when they were separated . Zemyna had spent the night with her father again . As much as Soleil hated the cheating bastard , she had to admit Menulis was a good father . He never complained about watching their child . In fact , judging by the ugly and long custody battle , he actually wanted to take care of her . It no longer mattered . She and her ex - husband had finally agreed to a plan , and they stuck to it , with only rare alterations . A few times a year they each intruded on the other 's time for several hours on special occasions , but so far , they were both tolerant of these interruptions . It was good both of them wanted to spend as much time with Zemyna as possible . Soleil put a halt to her ruminations and got out of bed and dressed for the day . As always , it would be a beautiful one . At least from her perspective . The silly humans didn 't always agree , but they were only an afterthought . Time for work . She went to the sunroom and placed her hands on both sides of the blazing ball , then lifted it slowly . For the rest of the day she moved her burden through the sky , lighting her daughter , the earth . Her ex kept the moon out for as long as he could , somehow knowing exactly how long she would tolerate his presence , before disappearing . Greedy fool , she thought . Oh well , at least she would have most of the day to gaze down upon her greatest creation , and admittedly , her favorite child . This idea for this story came from a picture prompt ( not the picture I used today ) in my writing group . We take turns picking a prompt then whoever wants to write a story using it can do so . The picture showed a woman with her hands raised above her head forming a globe of bright light . I 'm pretty sure it was a representation of healing magic but my mind saw it as a goddess holding the sun . I jotted down ideas last Sunday and a couple of times during the week I tried to work on it , but the magic didn 't happen . I did some research on solar goddesses and came across Balkan mythology . I got so into reading about it that I wasn 't writing , except the notes . However , I knew I was going to use what I found . The dentist fit me in Thursday morning and told me everything was so inflamed it pushed the tooth up ( eruption ) . What does that mean you ask ? It means the pain I felt was exactly the same as the abscess I had before the root canal . He proceeded to drill on two of my teeth to fix it a bit because every time I bit down , or talked , or sang along to a song in my car it would hurt so much I almost cried out ( which is a rarity for me ) . So the bite problem is mostly fixed but now there is pain all over . The dentist told me there would be and gave me mega ibuprofen . I haven 't slept in days and as a result , I 'm pretty out of it . Still , I sat down at the computer and wrote this story Friday evening . It took forever because I was alternating between holding an ice pack to my face while I thought out what I wanted to say , then typing it all up . I can hardly believe my muse was willing to play ! Of course , afterward , I had to lay down and was about as miserable as possible . Eleanor recoiled when her trowel hit metal while tending to her garden . The urge to push dirt back over the object overwhelmed her . Telling herself she was foolish , she set about freeing it from the ground . She lifted a long cylindrical case of finely worked metal . As she examined it , she was surprised to find she knew how to open it . Warnings flooded through her mind . Why was she so nervous ? At ninety - five years old , her memory wasn 't what it once was , but she didn 't think she would forget something like this . Cautiously , she broke the seal . Light flared for a moment , making Eleanor feel somehow threatened , and she hesitated . Her father always told her she was too curious for her own good . He was right , but it never stopped her from jumping in feet first . Odd , she reflected , how she could remember his words but not his face . Being old sucked she thought and laughed . Death wasn 't too far off , she knew . A strange longing for that day gripped her often in recent weeks . She 'd been in the world too long . If this unusual case provided one last adventure , she would take it . Pushing the ill portents aside , she pushed the cap all the way open and found a rolled piece of parchment inside . She slowly unrolled it , unsurprised it was a map , complete with a large red X . It showed the town she lived in , but it was old , with none of the newer landmarks in the area . She could have sworn she had never seen it before but knew she must be wrong because she knew exactly where it led . It ended in the woods on the outskirts of town . People rarely went there . She didn 't know why , but every time she went near it , she felt repulsed . Though worn out from her gardening , Eleanor determined she would go . Trowel in hand , she set out . Twenty minutes later she was there , with no assistance from the map . From the moment she entered the tree line , everything became unsettlingly familiar , yet she couldn 't remember ever being there . After several minutes of walking , she found the marked site in the middle of a small clearing . Though there was nothing exceptional about the spot , she knew where to dig . It took her an hour to find the chest . Reverently , she pulled it up and set it next to the hole . She was too exhausted from her efforts to open it right away . As she lay on the grass , she could almost remember doing this previously . Déjà vu ? I 'm too old for this shit , she thought . After resting for a while , she sat up and studied the chest . It was covered in strange symbols which almost glowed . Knowing it was right , she waved one hand in front of the lock . It released and fell away . She opened the lid and peered inside . A gasp escaped her when she saw it was filled with gold coins , glittering jewelry , and a scarred wooden bowl . Without knowing why she lifted the bowl and watched as it filled with water . A part of her said what she was seeing was impossible , but she ignored it as the moment imbued her with wonder . Eleanor remembered her wish to die . She 'd lived a long and blessedly boring life . Death was a welcome thing . Her longing for it was deep but wavering . She glanced at the water , then the shining contents of the chest . With a shrug , she drank from the bowl . When every drop was gone , she took several handfuls of gold and a few pieces of the jewelry out and placed them beside her . She set the bowl back on top of the rest . She laid back on the grass and closed her eyes . The change was uncomfortable but brief . When she rolled to her side and pushed herself up , long black hair covered her face . Black , not gray ! Damn , she thought as she took in the scene before her . She did it again . Her memories returned to her , she recalled how she promised herself the previous cycle would be the final one . She 'd been ready for death but now had to live her life again , for the thirteenth time . Oh well , thirteen was her lucky number . Since it was an odd - numbered cycle , she had access to her magic . Maybe she would be an evil witch like her third and seventh time then go out with a bang ! As she picked up her loot , she decided there were only two things she knew for sure she wanted this go round . Forever death at the end and no more gardening . I have a book of writing prompts called A Year of Creative Writing Prompts . Each page represents a day with three prompts . There is a five - minute prompt meant to be a warmup . These are one word and most of the stories I 've written recently came from this type . Today 's story came from a midday one . I 'd seen it before but it did nothing for me . Then a few days ago when I skimmed over it , I got an idea . I jotted down whatever came to me and a story was born . An elderly woman is gardening when she discovers what appears to be a treasure map buried in her back yard . It seems to lead to a spot on the outskirts of town . What does she find where X marks the spot . The first time I saw this I found it boring . Even when I first started putting ideas to paper I didn 't think it would go anywhere , but you never know . It 's what you do with an idea that matters I suppose . Darlene was right , always . She had known it since she was small . Now she was grown and had a mission . Everyone else needed to know how right she was . Sharing her knowledge and superior opinion became her life 's mission . Political debate on Facebook ? She was there . An argument on Twitter about tolerance ? Oh yeah , her favorite . Religion ? Darlene 's was the one true way , so she never missed one of those . Is the dress white or blue ? Ha ! She would drown the ones who guessed wrong in comments . Of course , she wasn 't a troll . Only someone who was wrong could be a troll in her opinion , and everyone knew her views were correct . At least they would . She wouldn 't stop until they did . Wasn 't that was life was all about ? Making sure everyone followed the correct path and thought in the right way . These were the things she said to herself often . She was congratulating herself on a successful online rant the day she stepped in front of a bus . Her disappointment was profound . Darlene couldn 't believe it was her time . There were still so many people she needed to put in their place . Alas , he couldn 't stop as her spirit floated up to heaven . She landed on a fluffy cloud in front of Saint Peter . She glanced around and saw that the pearly gates looked exactly the way they should . Peter , however , did not . She told him so , and for his benefit , she went into detail of how he was supposed to look . Peter sighed and stared at his lists for a time . Finally , an idea struck him . He made her a special place , full of only people like her . It only took an hour for her to come to him saying she set all the others right and she begged to go to the other place to fix it as well . It only took thirty minutes for the ruler of the other place to implore Peter to take her back . It took Peter only a moment to decide it wasn 't her time . He put her back on earth early in the morning of the day she was supposed to die . He started a Twitter fight about celebrities in politics to keep her home . This story isn 't from a prompt . I wrote the bones of it a few weeks ago and today I decided to do some minor revision and post it . There was something I didn 't quite like about it but I didn 't know what . I finally realized there were a lot of repeated words and punctuation issues ( thanks , Grammarly ) . Once these were fixed I noticed a few problems with the way it flowed so I revised them . I 'm still calling it a rough draft because it 's not ' perfect . ' Clouds rushed to rest over the fresh gravesite of the wizard Clavius . Duncan found it appropriate and thanked the wind as he cast the last handful of dirt onto the pile . Only a brief rustling of leaves near his feet answered , but he knew the wind appreciated his words . When taking control of the elements he was always careful to show the proper respect . He liked to think he learned from others ' mistakes . Too many weather wizards died because of their indifferent arrogance . He refused to be like the ones who came before him , like the one lying in the grave at his feet . In the dead wizard 's case , angry fire killed him . The man should have known better . One can only force an elemental for a short time before it would turn on you . If you asked politely and thanked it , there was a good chance you would survive . Duncan rarely forced nature to do his bidding . In the few emergencies when he 'd taken control of an elemental without asking permission , he apologized profusely and made the proper sacrifices to appease them . Most knew he wouldn 't abuse them and were understanding As long as he didn 't do it often , he would be safe . Clavius hadn 't bothered . He forced the same fire elemental to kill thieves in the poor district several times . Fire cannot be contained for long and many had died . The wizard hadn 't cared but the fire did . The last time he tried to use it , along with help from the wind , the elemental broke his control and turned on the man . Duncan wasn 't present but heard the man 's cries from across the village . As Duncan stood over the grave of his biggest rival at the Conclave , he smiled in satisfaction . Unlike the dead man , he had asked permission before he sent the wind to help the fire . Clavius , like all wizards , had been an evil bastard , but Duncan was the worst . He would continue to be courteous to the elements so he could take out the rest of his rivals and rule the Conclave . I 'm trying to get back into writing most days . Not writing for an entire week , and losing my favorite aunt , took its toll on my habits . I 'm still grieving but time is starting to do its job . Flash fiction , and a lot of it is my goal right now . However , wizard Duncan ( who needs a name change ) , fascinates me . He can control the elements / elementals but prefers wind . He 's not a nice guy , but he 's polite to the forces he controls . He needs a good protagonist and a goal . I feel a longer story brewing . Oh , and this story is not the result of a writing prompt . I sat down to write and thought about the wind and ideas started flowing out of my fingers . Like I said , it 's not much of a story but writing it made me feel like me again . Slash , stab , parry , repeat - she made her way through the enemy . Somehow she made it to the opposing commander . She didn 't want to guess how many she 'd killed to get there . When she took his head , the rest of his men fled . She turned to her own troops and signaled to let them go . As one , the soldiers dropped to one knee and bowed their heads for a moment . When they rose , every eye was on her . What were they doing ? As the battle rage left her , Feylan became aware of the change . She lifted an arm and saw she wore gauntlets instead of her regular leather gloves . Her eyes searched her entire body and found it covered in shining silver armor . Never had she seen a brighter set of the magic armor one could only earn by acts of ultimate selflessness , nobility of spirit , and bravery . It was no wonder she 'd felt both heavier and stronger while fighting . For a time , she 'd been untouchable . The armor must have healed her but she didn 't want to take off the glove to touch her eyebrow . She could believe it . She 'd only witnessed one other person gain their armor , though there were several in the realm . Still , it was rare to be chosen . Oh hells , she didn 't have time to deal with it . There was a war to win , independence to be won . Still , she would take advantage of it to help her people . Using her new title , she signaled for her soldiers to quit the field . They needed the rest and apparently , there was a coronation to plan . This story was inspired by a picture prompt use in my writing group . It was a close - up of a woman 's face . She was wearing a helmet and the hilt of a sword covered her nose and mouth . So all you could see were the armor , the sword , and her eyes . Today , when I pulled out my notebook , I knew what I wanted to write . This is the first thing I 've written ( besides a blog post ) since before last Sunday . After the week I had , I 'm happy to be writing again . The smell of smoke woke him . For a moment he thought he must be dreaming . His recurring nightmare of dying in a fire flashed through his mind . His first cough assured him he was awake . He threw the blanket off and jumped out of bed . In the dark , he groped for the ever present clothes on the floor . They were not there . Cursing himself for not only going to bed drunk but also sleeping nude , he made his way to the closet . It only took two steps for the coughing to stop him . Remembering that smoke rose , he crouched and made his way to the door . He grabbed the handle . It wasn 't hot but neither would it turn . He coughed again as the smoke coming in from under the door filled his lungs . He turned and crawled to the window . It wouldn 't budge . He grabbed his desk chair and swung it at the glass but it he was too weak to break it . Not knowing what else to do , he lay on the floor and waited to die . He thought of all the things he wished he 'd said and done . All his regrets crowded his mind . Topmost was his decision to cheat on the love of his life . Sure she was crazy but he 'd promised he would never hurt her . Before he lost consciousness he voiced his apology , one he knew she would never hear . The smoke coalesced over his body . He opened one eye and almost thought he could see a face . I forgive you , he heard before the air in the room cleared . A dream then , he realized as he drifted off to sleep again . 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With nerves strung high , Liam stepped into the store . Six pairs of feminine eyes tried to meet his gaze . Ugh , he thought . Being the center of attention was not something he enjoyed , but this was important enough to face what was sure to be an uncomfortable time . Any amount of uneasiness was worth finding the perfect gift for the love of his life . Liam straightened his shoulders and walked up to the first glass case . The knowing smile on the saleslady 's face irritated him , but he would deal with it . He hated that she could see how tense he was , but he answered her probing questions and let her steer him to another display . His eyes went straight to it . In shock , he stared at the most beautiful piece of jewelry he 'd ever seen . It sat nestled on a large stand raised higher than the ones surrounding it . Heart shaped and shiny with blue stones , the exact color of his love 's eyes , lining the edges . Nothing else in the case mattered . The woman explained something about birthstones and prices , but he barely heard her . Picturing the recipient wearing it held his attention . She would think of him every time she looked at it , and of course , she would never take it off . It made him happy that she would always know who loved her most . Triumphant and smiling he turned to his companion . With Mother 's Day coming up , it seemed like a good one to use . It took me a few minutes to come up with something , but once I got going , it didn 't take long to write all my ideas . I planned to type it up and figure out what to keep and discard when I got home . I didn 't . I put the notebook down and didn 't pick it up again until today , though I did think about it some . My muse was nowhere to be found , so I didn 't try very hard . Then I went to my follow - up appointment ( after having an injection in my back ) . It was reiterated to me that I either get to keep taking pain pills , agree to get a pain relieving implant , or have major surgery - another fusion . I wasn 't in the best mood afterward , and I was fairly irritable , just ask my poor husband . I watched some TV , did some reading , messed around on the internet , and felt sorry for myself . Then something happened . I don 't know what prompted it , but my muse slapped me around a bit . I grabbed my notebook and started typing . The story was surprisingly easy to write because I just didn 't care if it sucked or not . All I wanted was to get it written . I used every idea I had on Sunday , and while I know it 's not perfect , screw that , it IS perfect because I wrote ! At this point , any writing is good . I was in pain as I wrote this , but I still did it , so I 'm content . Two years ago I wrote a piece of flash fiction called The Fence ( click here to read the original ) . It was one of my favorite stories , but there was something wrong with it . I couldn 't figure it out , but I knew it didn 't flow as well as it could . Eventually , I asked some other writer 's what they thought the problem was and almost all of them said the change in viewpoint was what threw them off . I jotted down a few ideas to fix it and put it away . Today I picked it up and made the changes and the following is the result . Any thoughts about it are welcome ! The older woman watched her child for a moment . Taryn 's blonde curls , so like her own once was , had escaped the braids so patiently done that morning . It stood out at all angles , emphasizing the girl 's anger . " No Taryn , it 's not safe . Just because you haven 't seen the bad things , doesn 't mean they aren 't there . " Laurel heard a strange sound on the other side of the fence near where her daughter stood . It was almost birdlike , but she knew no bird had ever made that noise . Knowing full well what that meant , Laurel moved quickly . She grabbed Taryn and ran to the cellar door , throwing it open . She pushed the child in and pulled the door closed . The girl fell down the last few steps , but Laurel was too busy with the lock to help her . She struggled with the bolt until it slid into place . Laurel carefully descended the stairs , stepping over the last lock of her hair she hadn 't felt fall . Taryn sat on the floor crying . She was poking at something in front of her . Oh hell . She sighed . Hopefully , they wouldn 't lose any other parts today . She was startled when the door rattled , but the lock held . She rushed back up the steps and pressed her remaining ear to the door to listen as the intruders passed by . As the men started moving away , Laurel glanced at Taryn 's sad face . Only one thing would make her feel better . With a sigh , she pulled the bolt and prepared to get her daughter a snack . Dread filled Thomas . They would come for him soon . He glanced around the holding room and saw his fear mirrored in the eyes of the others . Every one of them knew their turn would come . Like him , they had no choice . Still , he knew each of the would - be victims hoped they weren 't next . The door opened , and a woman signaled to him . She didn 't look so threatening , he thought , but he knew better . Well , he would go to his fate with his head held high . He stood , and before he followed the torturer , he caught one of the others staring at him in sympathy . The tears in her eyes almost broke him , but he resolutely stepped forward . They tortured him for an hour . At some point , a man took over . It got worse from there . Needles , sharp tools , and unexplainable pain followed . No matter what they did , he didn 't talk . Finally , he was released . The woman who brought him to his cell pointed to the way out and left him . He ran to the door and stumbled through . His mother was waiting for him . Can you tell I 'm about to go to the dentist ? I don 't need fillings though . I have to get a crown , or more accurately , they will take the mold for the crown , and possibly redo the temporary I have . I 'm so sick of dental stuff ! Anyway , I used a one - word writing prompt today - Dread . It seemed fitting because it 's what I 'm feeling . Also , I wrote this in fifteen minutes so it is the roughest of rough drafts . I didn 't even try to fix spelling . " As I walked in the woods of my father 's lands I came upon him . He was injured and seemed innocent enough . He desperately needed help , so I took him into my care . I thought James a good man , but when he was well , he stole me away and brought me to this cave . You arrived just in time . " Being me , I decided to twist it a bit . My goal was to keep it under 200 words . I probably could pare it down but I like it the way it is . Soleil wiped the last remnants of sleep from her eyes as she sat up . She would see her daughter soon , which always filled her with joy . It was strange how much she missed the child when they were separated . Zemyna had spent the night with her father again . As much as Soleil hated the cheating bastard , she had to admit Menulis was a good father . He never complained about watching their child . In fact , judging by the ugly and long custody battle , he actually wanted to take care of her . It no longer mattered . She and her ex - husband had finally agreed to a plan , and they stuck to it , with only rare alterations . A few times a year they each intruded on the other 's time for several hours on special occasions , but so far , they were both tolerant of these interruptions . It was good both of them wanted to spend as much time with Zemyna as possible . Soleil put a halt to her ruminations and got out of bed and dressed for the day . As always , it would be a beautiful one . At least from her perspective . The silly humans didn 't always agree , but they were only an afterthought . Time for work . She went to the sunroom and placed her hands on both sides of the blazing ball , then lifted it slowly . For the rest of the day she moved her burden through the sky , lighting her daughter , the earth . Her ex kept the moon out for as long as he could , somehow knowing exactly how long she would tolerate his presence , before disappearing . Greedy fool , she thought . Oh well , at least she would have most of the day to gaze down upon her greatest creation , and admittedly , her favorite child . This idea for this story came from a picture prompt ( not the picture I used today ) in my writing group . We take turns picking a prompt then whoever wants to write a story using it can do so . The picture showed a woman with her hands raised above her head forming a globe of bright light . I 'm pretty sure it was a representation of healing magic but my mind saw it as a goddess holding the sun . I jotted down ideas last Sunday and a couple of times during the week I tried to work on it , but the magic didn 't happen . I did some research on solar goddesses and came across Balkan mythology . I got so into reading about it that I wasn 't writing , except the notes . However , I knew I was going to use what I found . The dentist fit me in Thursday morning and told me everything was so inflamed it pushed the tooth up ( eruption ) . What does that mean you ask ? It means the pain I felt was exactly the same as the abscess I had before the root canal . He proceeded to drill on two of my teeth to fix it a bit because every time I bit down , or talked , or sang along to a song in my car it would hurt so much I almost cried out ( which is a rarity for me ) . So the bite problem is mostly fixed but now there is pain all over . The dentist told me there would be and gave me mega ibuprofen . I haven 't slept in days and as a result , I 'm pretty out of it . Still , I sat down at the computer and wrote this story Friday evening . It took forever because I was alternating between holding an ice pack to my face while I thought out what I wanted to say , then typing it all up . I can hardly believe my muse was willing to play ! Of course , afterward , I had to lay down and was about as miserable as possible . Eleanor recoiled when her trowel hit metal while tending to her garden . The urge to push dirt back over the object overwhelmed her . Telling herself she was foolish , she set about freeing it from the ground . She lifted a long cylindrical case of finely worked metal . As she examined it , she was surprised to find she knew how to open it . Warnings flooded through her mind . Why was she so nervous ? At ninety - five years old , her memory wasn 't what it once was , but she didn 't think she would forget something like this . Cautiously , she broke the seal . Light flared for a moment , making Eleanor feel somehow threatened , and she hesitated . Her father always told her she was too curious for her own good . He was right , but it never stopped her from jumping in feet first . Odd , she reflected , how she could remember his words but not his face . Being old sucked she thought and laughed . Death wasn 't too far off , she knew . A strange longing for that day gripped her often in recent weeks . She 'd been in the world too long . If this unusual case provided one last adventure , she would take it . Pushing the ill portents aside , she pushed the cap all the way open and found a rolled piece of parchment inside . She slowly unrolled it , unsurprised it was a map , complete with a large red X . It showed the town she lived in , but it was old , with none of the newer landmarks in the area . She could have sworn she had never seen it before but knew she must be wrong because she knew exactly where it led . It ended in the woods on the outskirts of town . People rarely went there . She didn 't know why , but every time she went near it , she felt repulsed . Though worn out from her gardening , Eleanor determined she would go . Trowel in hand , she set out . Twenty minutes later she was there , with no assistance from the map . From the moment she entered the tree line , everything became unsettlingly familiar , yet she couldn 't remember ever being there . After several minutes of walking , she found the marked site in the middle of a small clearing . Though there was nothing exceptional about the spot , she knew where to dig . It took her an hour to find the chest . Reverently , she pulled it up and set it next to the hole . She was too exhausted from her efforts to open it right away . As she lay on the grass , she could almost remember doing this previously . Déjà vu ? I 'm too old for this shit , she thought . After resting for a while , she sat up and studied the chest . It was covered in strange symbols which almost glowed . Knowing it was right , she waved one hand in front of the lock . It released and fell away . She opened the lid and peered inside . A gasp escaped her when she saw it was filled with gold coins , glittering jewelry , and a scarred wooden bowl . Without knowing why she lifted the bowl and watched as it filled with water . A part of her said what she was seeing was impossible , but she ignored it as the moment imbued her with wonder . Eleanor remembered her wish to die . She 'd lived a long and blessedly boring life . Death was a welcome thing . Her longing for it was deep but wavering . She glanced at the water , then the shining contents of the chest . With a shrug , she drank from the bowl . When every drop was gone , she took several handfuls of gold and a few pieces of the jewelry out and placed them beside her . She set the bowl back on top of the rest . She laid back on the grass and closed her eyes . The change was uncomfortable but brief . When she rolled to her side and pushed herself up , long black hair covered her face . Black , not gray ! Damn , she thought as she took in the scene before her . She did it again . Her memories returned to her , she recalled how she promised herself the previous cycle would be the final one . She 'd been ready for death but now had to live her life again , for the thirteenth time . Oh well , thirteen was her lucky number . Since it was an odd - numbered cycle , she had access to her magic . Maybe she would be an evil witch like her third and seventh time then go out with a bang ! As she picked up her loot , she decided there were only two things she knew for sure she wanted this go round . Forever death at the end and no more gardening . I have a book of writing prompts called A Year of Creative Writing Prompts . Each page represents a day with three prompts . There is a five - minute prompt meant to be a warmup . These are one word and most of the stories I 've written recently came from this type . Today 's story came from a midday one . I 'd seen it before but it did nothing for me . Then a few days ago when I skimmed over it , I got an idea . I jotted down whatever came to me and a story was born . An elderly woman is gardening when she discovers what appears to be a treasure map buried in her back yard . It seems to lead to a spot on the outskirts of town . What does she find where X marks the spot . The first time I saw this I found it boring . Even when I first started putting ideas to paper I didn 't think it would go anywhere , but you never know . It 's what you do with an idea that matters I suppose . Darlene was right , always . She had known it since she was small . Now she was grown and had a mission . Everyone else needed to know how right she was . Sharing her knowledge and superior opinion became her life 's mission . Political debate on Facebook ? She was there . An argument on Twitter about tolerance ? Oh yeah , her favorite . Religion ? Darlene 's was the one true way , so she never missed one of those . Is the dress white or blue ? Ha ! She would drown the ones who guessed wrong in comments . Of course , she wasn 't a troll . Only someone who was wrong could be a troll in her opinion , and everyone knew her views were correct . At least they would . She wouldn 't stop until they did . Wasn 't that was life was all about ? Making sure everyone followed the correct path and thought in the right way . These were the things she said to herself often . She was congratulating herself on a successful online rant the day she stepped in front of a bus . Her disappointment was profound . Darlene couldn 't believe it was her time . There were still so many people she needed to put in their place . Alas , he couldn 't stop as her spirit floated up to heaven . She landed on a fluffy cloud in front of Saint Peter . She glanced around and saw that the pearly gates looked exactly the way they should . Peter , however , did not . She told him so , and for his benefit , she went into detail of how he was supposed to look . Peter sighed and stared at his lists for a time . Finally , an idea struck him . He made her a special place , full of only people like her . It only took an hour for her to come to him saying she set all the others right and she begged to go to the other place to fix it as well . It only took thirty minutes for the ruler of the other place to implore Peter to take her back . It took Peter only a moment to decide it wasn 't her time . He put her back on earth early in the morning of the day she was supposed to die . He started a Twitter fight about celebrities in politics to keep her home . This story isn 't from a prompt . I wrote the bones of it a few weeks ago and today I decided to do some minor revision and post it . There was something I didn 't quite like about it but I didn 't know what . I finally realized there were a lot of repeated words and punctuation issues ( thanks , Grammarly ) . Once these were fixed I noticed a few problems with the way it flowed so I revised them . I 'm still calling it a rough draft because it 's not ' perfect . ' Clouds rushed to rest over the fresh gravesite of the wizard Clavius . Duncan found it appropriate and thanked the wind as he cast the last handful of dirt onto the pile . Only a brief rustling of leaves near his feet answered , but he knew the wind appreciated his words . When taking control of the elements he was always careful to show the proper respect . He liked to think he learned from others ' mistakes . Too many weather wizards died because of their indifferent arrogance . He refused to be like the ones who came before him , like the one lying in the grave at his feet . In the dead wizard 's case , angry fire killed him . The man should have known better . One can only force an elemental for a short time before it would turn on you . If you asked politely and thanked it , there was a good chance you would survive . Duncan rarely forced nature to do his bidding . In the few emergencies when he 'd taken control of an elemental without asking permission , he apologized profusely and made the proper sacrifices to appease them . Most knew he wouldn 't abuse them and were understanding As long as he didn 't do it often , he would be safe . Clavius hadn 't bothered . He forced the same fire elemental to kill thieves in the poor district several times . Fire cannot be contained for long and many had died . The wizard hadn 't cared but the fire did . The last time he tried to use it , along with help from the wind , the elemental broke his control and turned on the man . Duncan wasn 't present but heard the man 's cries from across the village . As Duncan stood over the grave of his biggest rival at the Conclave , he smiled in satisfaction . Unlike the dead man , he had asked permission before he sent the wind to help the fire . Clavius , like all wizards , had been an evil bastard , but Duncan was the worst . He would continue to be courteous to the elements so he could take out the rest of his rivals and rule the Conclave . I 'm trying to get back into writing most days . Not writing for an entire week , and losing my favorite aunt , took its toll on my habits . I 'm still grieving but time is starting to do its job . Flash fiction , and a lot of it is my goal right now . However , wizard Duncan ( who needs a name change ) , fascinates me . He can control the elements / elementals but prefers wind . He 's not a nice guy , but he 's polite to the forces he controls . He needs a good protagonist and a goal . I feel a longer story brewing . Oh , and this story is not the result of a writing prompt . I sat down to write and thought about the wind and ideas started flowing out of my fingers . Like I said , it 's not much of a story but writing it made me feel like me again . Slash , stab , parry , repeat - she made her way through the enemy . Somehow she made it to the opposing commander . She didn 't want to guess how many she 'd killed to get there . When she took his head , the rest of his men fled . She turned to her own troops and signaled to let them go . As one , the soldiers dropped to one knee and bowed their heads for a moment . When they rose , every eye was on her . What were they doing ? As the battle rage left her , Feylan became aware of the change . She lifted an arm and saw she wore gauntlets instead of her regular leather gloves . Her eyes searched her entire body and found it covered in shining silver armor . Never had she seen a brighter set of the magic armor one could only earn by acts of ultimate selflessness , nobility of spirit , and bravery . It was no wonder she 'd felt both heavier and stronger while fighting . For a time , she 'd been untouchable . The armor must have healed her but she didn 't want to take off the glove to touch her eyebrow . She could believe it . She 'd only witnessed one other person gain their armor , though there were several in the realm . Still , it was rare to be chosen . Oh hells , she didn 't have time to deal with it . There was a war to win , independence to be won . Still , she would take advantage of it to help her people . Using her new title , she signaled for her soldiers to quit the field . They needed the rest and apparently , there was a coronation to plan . This story was inspired by a picture prompt use in my writing group . It was a close - up of a woman 's face . She was wearing a helmet and the hilt of a sword covered her nose and mouth . So all you could see were the armor , the sword , and her eyes . Today , when I pulled out my notebook , I knew what I wanted to write . This is the first thing I 've written ( besides a blog post ) since before last Sunday . After the week I had , I 'm happy to be writing again . The smell of smoke woke him . For a moment he thought he must be dreaming . His recurring nightmare of dying in a fire flashed through his mind . His first cough assured him he was awake . He threw the blanket off and jumped out of bed . In the dark , he groped for the ever present clothes on the floor . They were not there . Cursing himself for not only going to bed drunk but also sleeping nude , he made his way to the closet . It only took two steps for the coughing to stop him . Remembering that smoke rose , he crouched and made his way to the door . He grabbed the handle . It wasn 't hot but neither would it turn . He coughed again as the smoke coming in from under the door filled his lungs . He turned and crawled to the window . It wouldn 't budge . He grabbed his desk chair and swung it at the glass but it he was too weak to break it . Not knowing what else to do , he lay on the floor and waited to die . He thought of all the things he wished he 'd said and done . All his regrets crowded his mind . Topmost was his decision to cheat on the love of his life . Sure she was crazy but he 'd promised he would never hurt her . Before he lost consciousness he voiced his apology , one he knew she would never hear . The smoke coalesced over his body . He opened one eye and almost thought he could see a face . I forgive you , he heard before the air in the room cleared . A dream then , he realized as he drifted off to sleep again . June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 Top Posts & Pages Who Is The Rambler ? Writers Are Weird It 's a Good Day For a Quote Flash Fiction - How Addie Became A Horror Author Meaningful Quote Time ! Beauty Is All Around Us Please Like My New Facebook Page Please Like My New Facebook Page SocialView writerishramblings 's profile on FacebookView kristissimpson 's profile on TwitterCopyright Notice © Kristi Simpson and writerishramblings . com , 2014 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Kristi Simpson and writerishramblings . com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content .
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With nerves strung high , Liam stepped into the store . Six pairs of feminine eyes tried to meet his gaze . Ugh , he thought . Being the center of attention was not something he enjoyed , but this was important enough to face what was sure to be an uncomfortable time . Any amount of uneasiness was worth finding the perfect gift for the love of his life . Liam straightened his shoulders and walked up to the first glass case . The knowing smile on the saleslady 's face irritated him , but he would deal with it . He hated that she could see how tense he was , but he answered her probing questions and let her steer him to another display . His eyes went straight to it . In shock , he stared at the most beautiful piece of jewelry he 'd ever seen . It sat nestled on a large stand raised higher than the ones surrounding it . Heart shaped and shiny with blue stones , the exact color of his love 's eyes , lining the edges . Nothing else in the case mattered . The woman explained something about birthstones and prices , but he barely heard her . Picturing the recipient wearing it held his attention . She would think of him every time she looked at it , and of course , she would never take it off . It made him happy that she would always know who loved her most . Triumphant and smiling he turned to his companion . With Mother 's Day coming up , it seemed like a good one to use . It took me a few minutes to come up with something , but once I got going , it didn 't take long to write all my ideas . I planned to type it up and figure out what to keep and discard when I got home . I didn 't . I put the notebook down and didn 't pick it up again until today , though I did think about it some . My muse was nowhere to be found , so I didn 't try very hard . Then I went to my follow - up appointment ( after having an injection in my back ) . It was reiterated to me that I either get to keep taking pain pills , agree to get a pain relieving implant , or have major surgery - another fusion . I wasn 't in the best mood afterward , and I was fairly irritable , just ask my poor husband . I watched some TV , did some reading , messed around on the internet , and felt sorry for myself . Then something happened . I don 't know what prompted it , but my muse slapped me around a bit . I grabbed my notebook and started typing . The story was surprisingly easy to write because I just didn 't care if it sucked or not . All I wanted was to get it written . I used every idea I had on Sunday , and while I know it 's not perfect , screw that , it IS perfect because I wrote ! At this point , any writing is good . I was in pain as I wrote this , but I still did it , so I 'm content . Two years ago I wrote a piece of flash fiction called The Fence ( click here to read the original ) . It was one of my favorite stories , but there was something wrong with it . I couldn 't figure it out , but I knew it didn 't flow as well as it could . Eventually , I asked some other writer 's what they thought the problem was and almost all of them said the change in viewpoint was what threw them off . I jotted down a few ideas to fix it and put it away . Today I picked it up and made the changes and the following is the result . Any thoughts about it are welcome ! The older woman watched her child for a moment . Taryn 's blonde curls , so like her own once was , had escaped the braids so patiently done that morning . It stood out at all angles , emphasizing the girl 's anger . " No Taryn , it 's not safe . Just because you haven 't seen the bad things , doesn 't mean they aren 't there . " Laurel heard a strange sound on the other side of the fence near where her daughter stood . It was almost birdlike , but she knew no bird had ever made that noise . Knowing full well what that meant , Laurel moved quickly . She grabbed Taryn and ran to the cellar door , throwing it open . She pushed the child in and pulled the door closed . The girl fell down the last few steps , but Laurel was too busy with the lock to help her . She struggled with the bolt until it slid into place . Laurel carefully descended the stairs , stepping over the last lock of her hair she hadn 't felt fall . Taryn sat on the floor crying . She was poking at something in front of her . Oh hell . She sighed . Hopefully , they wouldn 't lose any other parts today . She was startled when the door rattled , but the lock held . She rushed back up the steps and pressed her remaining ear to the door to listen as the intruders passed by . As the men started moving away , Laurel glanced at Taryn 's sad face . Only one thing would make her feel better . With a sigh , she pulled the bolt and prepared to get her daughter a snack . Dread filled Thomas . They would come for him soon . He glanced around the holding room and saw his fear mirrored in the eyes of the others . Every one of them knew their turn would come . Like him , they had no choice . Still , he knew each of the would - be victims hoped they weren 't next . The door opened , and a woman signaled to him . She didn 't look so threatening , he thought , but he knew better . Well , he would go to his fate with his head held high . He stood , and before he followed the torturer , he caught one of the others staring at him in sympathy . The tears in her eyes almost broke him , but he resolutely stepped forward . They tortured him for an hour . At some point , a man took over . It got worse from there . Needles , sharp tools , and unexplainable pain followed . No matter what they did , he didn 't talk . Finally , he was released . The woman who brought him to his cell pointed to the way out and left him . He ran to the door and stumbled through . His mother was waiting for him . Can you tell I 'm about to go to the dentist ? I don 't need fillings though . I have to get a crown , or more accurately , they will take the mold for the crown , and possibly redo the temporary I have . I 'm so sick of dental stuff ! Anyway , I used a one - word writing prompt today - Dread . It seemed fitting because it 's what I 'm feeling . Also , I wrote this in fifteen minutes so it is the roughest of rough drafts . I didn 't even try to fix spelling . " As I walked in the woods of my father 's lands I came upon him . He was injured and seemed innocent enough . He desperately needed help , so I took him into my care . I thought James a good man , but when he was well , he stole me away and brought me to this cave . You arrived just in time . " Being me , I decided to twist it a bit . My goal was to keep it under 200 words . I probably could pare it down but I like it the way it is . Soleil wiped the last remnants of sleep from her eyes as she sat up . She would see her daughter soon , which always filled her with joy . It was strange how much she missed the child when they were separated . Zemyna had spent the night with her father again . As much as Soleil hated the cheating bastard , she had to admit Menulis was a good father . He never complained about watching their child . In fact , judging by the ugly and long custody battle , he actually wanted to take care of her . It no longer mattered . She and her ex - husband had finally agreed to a plan , and they stuck to it , with only rare alterations . A few times a year they each intruded on the other 's time for several hours on special occasions , but so far , they were both tolerant of these interruptions . It was good both of them wanted to spend as much time with Zemyna as possible . Soleil put a halt to her ruminations and got out of bed and dressed for the day . As always , it would be a beautiful one . At least from her perspective . The silly humans didn 't always agree , but they were only an afterthought . Time for work . She went to the sunroom and placed her hands on both sides of the blazing ball , then lifted it slowly . For the rest of the day she moved her burden through the sky , lighting her daughter , the earth . Her ex kept the moon out for as long as he could , somehow knowing exactly how long she would tolerate his presence , before disappearing . Greedy fool , she thought . Oh well , at least she would have most of the day to gaze down upon her greatest creation , and admittedly , her favorite child . This idea for this story came from a picture prompt ( not the picture I used today ) in my writing group . We take turns picking a prompt then whoever wants to write a story using it can do so . The picture showed a woman with her hands raised above her head forming a globe of bright light . I 'm pretty sure it was a representation of healing magic but my mind saw it as a goddess holding the sun . I jotted down ideas last Sunday and a couple of times during the week I tried to work on it , but the magic didn 't happen . I did some research on solar goddesses and came across Balkan mythology . I got so into reading about it that I wasn 't writing , except the notes . However , I knew I was going to use what I found . The dentist fit me in Thursday morning and told me everything was so inflamed it pushed the tooth up ( eruption ) . What does that mean you ask ? It means the pain I felt was exactly the same as the abscess I had before the root canal . He proceeded to drill on two of my teeth to fix it a bit because every time I bit down , or talked , or sang along to a song in my car it would hurt so much I almost cried out ( which is a rarity for me ) . So the bite problem is mostly fixed but now there is pain all over . The dentist told me there would be and gave me mega ibuprofen . I haven 't slept in days and as a result , I 'm pretty out of it . Still , I sat down at the computer and wrote this story Friday evening . It took forever because I was alternating between holding an ice pack to my face while I thought out what I wanted to say , then typing it all up . I can hardly believe my muse was willing to play ! Of course , afterward , I had to lay down and was about as miserable as possible . Eleanor recoiled when her trowel hit metal while tending to her garden . The urge to push dirt back over the object overwhelmed her . Telling herself she was foolish , she set about freeing it from the ground . She lifted a long cylindrical case of finely worked metal . As she examined it , she was surprised to find she knew how to open it . Warnings flooded through her mind . Why was she so nervous ? At ninety - five years old , her memory wasn 't what it once was , but she didn 't think she would forget something like this . Cautiously , she broke the seal . Light flared for a moment , making Eleanor feel somehow threatened , and she hesitated . Her father always told her she was too curious for her own good . He was right , but it never stopped her from jumping in feet first . Odd , she reflected , how she could remember his words but not his face . Being old sucked she thought and laughed . Death wasn 't too far off , she knew . A strange longing for that day gripped her often in recent weeks . She 'd been in the world too long . If this unusual case provided one last adventure , she would take it . Pushing the ill portents aside , she pushed the cap all the way open and found a rolled piece of parchment inside . She slowly unrolled it , unsurprised it was a map , complete with a large red X . It showed the town she lived in , but it was old , with none of the newer landmarks in the area . She could have sworn she had never seen it before but knew she must be wrong because she knew exactly where it led . It ended in the woods on the outskirts of town . People rarely went there . She didn 't know why , but every time she went near it , she felt repulsed . Though worn out from her gardening , Eleanor determined she would go . Trowel in hand , she set out . Twenty minutes later she was there , with no assistance from the map . From the moment she entered the tree line , everything became unsettlingly familiar , yet she couldn 't remember ever being there . After several minutes of walking , she found the marked site in the middle of a small clearing . Though there was nothing exceptional about the spot , she knew where to dig . It took her an hour to find the chest . Reverently , she pulled it up and set it next to the hole . She was too exhausted from her efforts to open it right away . As she lay on the grass , she could almost remember doing this previously . Déjà vu ? I 'm too old for this shit , she thought . After resting for a while , she sat up and studied the chest . It was covered in strange symbols which almost glowed . Knowing it was right , she waved one hand in front of the lock . It released and fell away . She opened the lid and peered inside . A gasp escaped her when she saw it was filled with gold coins , glittering jewelry , and a scarred wooden bowl . Without knowing why she lifted the bowl and watched as it filled with water . A part of her said what she was seeing was impossible , but she ignored it as the moment imbued her with wonder . Eleanor remembered her wish to die . She 'd lived a long and blessedly boring life . Death was a welcome thing . Her longing for it was deep but wavering . She glanced at the water , then the shining contents of the chest . With a shrug , she drank from the bowl . When every drop was gone , she took several handfuls of gold and a few pieces of the jewelry out and placed them beside her . She set the bowl back on top of the rest . She laid back on the grass and closed her eyes . The change was uncomfortable but brief . When she rolled to her side and pushed herself up , long black hair covered her face . Black , not gray ! Damn , she thought as she took in the scene before her . She did it again . Her memories returned to her , she recalled how she promised herself the previous cycle would be the final one . She 'd been ready for death but now had to live her life again , for the thirteenth time . Oh well , thirteen was her lucky number . Since it was an odd - numbered cycle , she had access to her magic . Maybe she would be an evil witch like her third and seventh time then go out with a bang ! As she picked up her loot , she decided there were only two things she knew for sure she wanted this go round . Forever death at the end and no more gardening . I have a book of writing prompts called A Year of Creative Writing Prompts . Each page represents a day with three prompts . There is a five - minute prompt meant to be a warmup . These are one word and most of the stories I 've written recently came from this type . Today 's story came from a midday one . I 'd seen it before but it did nothing for me . Then a few days ago when I skimmed over it , I got an idea . I jotted down whatever came to me and a story was born . An elderly woman is gardening when she discovers what appears to be a treasure map buried in her back yard . It seems to lead to a spot on the outskirts of town . What does she find where X marks the spot . The first time I saw this I found it boring . Even when I first started putting ideas to paper I didn 't think it would go anywhere , but you never know . It 's what you do with an idea that matters I suppose . Darlene was right , always . She had known it since she was small . Now she was grown and had a mission . Everyone else needed to know how right she was . Sharing her knowledge and superior opinion became her life 's mission . Political debate on Facebook ? She was there . An argument on Twitter about tolerance ? Oh yeah , her favorite . Religion ? Darlene 's was the one true way , so she never missed one of those . Is the dress white or blue ? Ha ! She would drown the ones who guessed wrong in comments . Of course , she wasn 't a troll . Only someone who was wrong could be a troll in her opinion , and everyone knew her views were correct . At least they would . She wouldn 't stop until they did . Wasn 't that was life was all about ? Making sure everyone followed the correct path and thought in the right way . These were the things she said to herself often . She was congratulating herself on a successful online rant the day she stepped in front of a bus . Her disappointment was profound . Darlene couldn 't believe it was her time . There were still so many people she needed to put in their place . Alas , he couldn 't stop as her spirit floated up to heaven . She landed on a fluffy cloud in front of Saint Peter . She glanced around and saw that the pearly gates looked exactly the way they should . Peter , however , did not . She told him so , and for his benefit , she went into detail of how he was supposed to look . Peter sighed and stared at his lists for a time . Finally , an idea struck him . He made her a special place , full of only people like her . It only took an hour for her to come to him saying she set all the others right and she begged to go to the other place to fix it as well . It only took thirty minutes for the ruler of the other place to implore Peter to take her back . It took Peter only a moment to decide it wasn 't her time . He put her back on earth early in the morning of the day she was supposed to die . He started a Twitter fight about celebrities in politics to keep her home . This story isn 't from a prompt . I wrote the bones of it a few weeks ago and today I decided to do some minor revision and post it . There was something I didn 't quite like about it but I didn 't know what . I finally realized there were a lot of repeated words and punctuation issues ( thanks , Grammarly ) . Once these were fixed I noticed a few problems with the way it flowed so I revised them . I 'm still calling it a rough draft because it 's not ' perfect . ' Clouds rushed to rest over the fresh gravesite of the wizard Clavius . Duncan found it appropriate and thanked the wind as he cast the last handful of dirt onto the pile . Only a brief rustling of leaves near his feet answered , but he knew the wind appreciated his words . When taking control of the elements he was always careful to show the proper respect . He liked to think he learned from others ' mistakes . Too many weather wizards died because of their indifferent arrogance . He refused to be like the ones who came before him , like the one lying in the grave at his feet . In the dead wizard 's case , angry fire killed him . The man should have known better . One can only force an elemental for a short time before it would turn on you . If you asked politely and thanked it , there was a good chance you would survive . Duncan rarely forced nature to do his bidding . In the few emergencies when he 'd taken control of an elemental without asking permission , he apologized profusely and made the proper sacrifices to appease them . Most knew he wouldn 't abuse them and were understanding As long as he didn 't do it often , he would be safe . Clavius hadn 't bothered . He forced the same fire elemental to kill thieves in the poor district several times . Fire cannot be contained for long and many had died . The wizard hadn 't cared but the fire did . The last time he tried to use it , along with help from the wind , the elemental broke his control and turned on the man . Duncan wasn 't present but heard the man 's cries from across the village . As Duncan stood over the grave of his biggest rival at the Conclave , he smiled in satisfaction . Unlike the dead man , he had asked permission before he sent the wind to help the fire . Clavius , like all wizards , had been an evil bastard , but Duncan was the worst . He would continue to be courteous to the elements so he could take out the rest of his rivals and rule the Conclave . I 'm trying to get back into writing most days . Not writing for an entire week , and losing my favorite aunt , took its toll on my habits . I 'm still grieving but time is starting to do its job . Flash fiction , and a lot of it is my goal right now . However , wizard Duncan ( who needs a name change ) , fascinates me . He can control the elements / elementals but prefers wind . He 's not a nice guy , but he 's polite to the forces he controls . He needs a good protagonist and a goal . I feel a longer story brewing . Oh , and this story is not the result of a writing prompt . I sat down to write and thought about the wind and ideas started flowing out of my fingers . Like I said , it 's not much of a story but writing it made me feel like me again . Slash , stab , parry , repeat - she made her way through the enemy . Somehow she made it to the opposing commander . She didn 't want to guess how many she 'd killed to get there . When she took his head , the rest of his men fled . She turned to her own troops and signaled to let them go . As one , the soldiers dropped to one knee and bowed their heads for a moment . When they rose , every eye was on her . What were they doing ? As the battle rage left her , Feylan became aware of the change . She lifted an arm and saw she wore gauntlets instead of her regular leather gloves . Her eyes searched her entire body and found it covered in shining silver armor . Never had she seen a brighter set of the magic armor one could only earn by acts of ultimate selflessness , nobility of spirit , and bravery . It was no wonder she 'd felt both heavier and stronger while fighting . For a time , she 'd been untouchable . The armor must have healed her but she didn 't want to take off the glove to touch her eyebrow . She could believe it . She 'd only witnessed one other person gain their armor , though there were several in the realm . Still , it was rare to be chosen . Oh hells , she didn 't have time to deal with it . There was a war to win , independence to be won . Still , she would take advantage of it to help her people . Using her new title , she signaled for her soldiers to quit the field . They needed the rest and apparently , there was a coronation to plan . This story was inspired by a picture prompt use in my writing group . It was a close - up of a woman 's face . She was wearing a helmet and the hilt of a sword covered her nose and mouth . So all you could see were the armor , the sword , and her eyes . Today , when I pulled out my notebook , I knew what I wanted to write . This is the first thing I 've written ( besides a blog post ) since before last Sunday . After the week I had , I 'm happy to be writing again . The smell of smoke woke him . For a moment he thought he must be dreaming . His recurring nightmare of dying in a fire flashed through his mind . His first cough assured him he was awake . He threw the blanket off and jumped out of bed . In the dark , he groped for the ever present clothes on the floor . They were not there . Cursing himself for not only going to bed drunk but also sleeping nude , he made his way to the closet . It only took two steps for the coughing to stop him . Remembering that smoke rose , he crouched and made his way to the door . He grabbed the handle . It wasn 't hot but neither would it turn . He coughed again as the smoke coming in from under the door filled his lungs . He turned and crawled to the window . It wouldn 't budge . He grabbed his desk chair and swung it at the glass but it he was too weak to break it . Not knowing what else to do , he lay on the floor and waited to die . He thought of all the things he wished he 'd said and done . All his regrets crowded his mind . Topmost was his decision to cheat on the love of his life . Sure she was crazy but he 'd promised he would never hurt her . Before he lost consciousness he voiced his apology , one he knew she would never hear . The smoke coalesced over his body . He opened one eye and almost thought he could see a face . I forgive you , he heard before the air in the room cleared . A dream then , he realized as he drifted off to sleep again . June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 Top Posts & Pages Who Is The Rambler ? Writers Are Weird It 's a Good Day For a Quote Flash Fiction - How Addie Became A Horror Author Meaningful Quote Time ! Beauty Is All Around Us Please Like My New Facebook Page Please Like My New Facebook Page SocialView writerishramblings 's profile on FacebookView kristissimpson 's profile on TwitterCopyright Notice © Kristi Simpson and writerishramblings . com , 2014 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Kristi Simpson and writerishramblings . com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content .
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With nerves strung high , Liam stepped into the store . Six pairs of feminine eyes tried to meet his gaze . Ugh , he thought . Being the center of attention was not something he enjoyed , but this was important enough to face what was sure to be an uncomfortable time . Any amount of uneasiness was worth finding the perfect gift for the love of his life . Liam straightened his shoulders and walked up to the first glass case . The knowing smile on the saleslady 's face irritated him , but he would deal with it . He hated that she could see how tense he was , but he answered her probing questions and let her steer him to another display . His eyes went straight to it . In shock , he stared at the most beautiful piece of jewelry he 'd ever seen . It sat nestled on a large stand raised higher than the ones surrounding it . Heart shaped and shiny with blue stones , the exact color of his love 's eyes , lining the edges . Nothing else in the case mattered . The woman explained something about birthstones and prices , but he barely heard her . Picturing the recipient wearing it held his attention . She would think of him every time she looked at it , and of course , she would never take it off . It made him happy that she would always know who loved her most . Triumphant and smiling he turned to his companion . With Mother 's Day coming up , it seemed like a good one to use . It took me a few minutes to come up with something , but once I got going , it didn 't take long to write all my ideas . I planned to type it up and figure out what to keep and discard when I got home . I didn 't . I put the notebook down and didn 't pick it up again until today , though I did think about it some . My muse was nowhere to be found , so I didn 't try very hard . Then I went to my follow - up appointment ( after having an injection in my back ) . It was reiterated to me that I either get to keep taking pain pills , agree to get a pain relieving implant , or have major surgery - another fusion . I wasn 't in the best mood afterward , and I was fairly irritable , just ask my poor husband . I watched some TV , did some reading , messed around on the internet , and felt sorry for myself . Then something happened . I don 't know what prompted it , but my muse slapped me around a bit . I grabbed my notebook and started typing . The story was surprisingly easy to write because I just didn 't care if it sucked or not . All I wanted was to get it written . I used every idea I had on Sunday , and while I know it 's not perfect , screw that , it IS perfect because I wrote ! At this point , any writing is good . I was in pain as I wrote this , but I still did it , so I 'm content . Two years ago I wrote a piece of flash fiction called The Fence ( click here to read the original ) . It was one of my favorite stories , but there was something wrong with it . I couldn 't figure it out , but I knew it didn 't flow as well as it could . Eventually , I asked some other writer 's what they thought the problem was and almost all of them said the change in viewpoint was what threw them off . I jotted down a few ideas to fix it and put it away . Today I picked it up and made the changes and the following is the result . Any thoughts about it are welcome ! The older woman watched her child for a moment . Taryn 's blonde curls , so like her own once was , had escaped the braids so patiently done that morning . It stood out at all angles , emphasizing the girl 's anger . " No Taryn , it 's not safe . Just because you haven 't seen the bad things , doesn 't mean they aren 't there . " Laurel heard a strange sound on the other side of the fence near where her daughter stood . It was almost birdlike , but she knew no bird had ever made that noise . Knowing full well what that meant , Laurel moved quickly . She grabbed Taryn and ran to the cellar door , throwing it open . She pushed the child in and pulled the door closed . The girl fell down the last few steps , but Laurel was too busy with the lock to help her . She struggled with the bolt until it slid into place . Laurel carefully descended the stairs , stepping over the last lock of her hair she hadn 't felt fall . Taryn sat on the floor crying . She was poking at something in front of her . Oh hell . She sighed . Hopefully , they wouldn 't lose any other parts today . She was startled when the door rattled , but the lock held . She rushed back up the steps and pressed her remaining ear to the door to listen as the intruders passed by . As the men started moving away , Laurel glanced at Taryn 's sad face . Only one thing would make her feel better . With a sigh , she pulled the bolt and prepared to get her daughter a snack . Dread filled Thomas . They would come for him soon . He glanced around the holding room and saw his fear mirrored in the eyes of the others . Every one of them knew their turn would come . Like him , they had no choice . Still , he knew each of the would - be victims hoped they weren 't next . The door opened , and a woman signaled to him . She didn 't look so threatening , he thought , but he knew better . Well , he would go to his fate with his head held high . He stood , and before he followed the torturer , he caught one of the others staring at him in sympathy . The tears in her eyes almost broke him , but he resolutely stepped forward . They tortured him for an hour . At some point , a man took over . It got worse from there . Needles , sharp tools , and unexplainable pain followed . No matter what they did , he didn 't talk . Finally , he was released . The woman who brought him to his cell pointed to the way out and left him . He ran to the door and stumbled through . His mother was waiting for him . Can you tell I 'm about to go to the dentist ? I don 't need fillings though . I have to get a crown , or more accurately , they will take the mold for the crown , and possibly redo the temporary I have . I 'm so sick of dental stuff ! Anyway , I used a one - word writing prompt today - Dread . It seemed fitting because it 's what I 'm feeling . Also , I wrote this in fifteen minutes so it is the roughest of rough drafts . I didn 't even try to fix spelling . " As I walked in the woods of my father 's lands I came upon him . He was injured and seemed innocent enough . He desperately needed help , so I took him into my care . I thought James a good man , but when he was well , he stole me away and brought me to this cave . You arrived just in time . " Being me , I decided to twist it a bit . My goal was to keep it under 200 words . I probably could pare it down but I like it the way it is . Soleil wiped the last remnants of sleep from her eyes as she sat up . She would see her daughter soon , which always filled her with joy . It was strange how much she missed the child when they were separated . Zemyna had spent the night with her father again . As much as Soleil hated the cheating bastard , she had to admit Menulis was a good father . He never complained about watching their child . In fact , judging by the ugly and long custody battle , he actually wanted to take care of her . It no longer mattered . She and her ex - husband had finally agreed to a plan , and they stuck to it , with only rare alterations . A few times a year they each intruded on the other 's time for several hours on special occasions , but so far , they were both tolerant of these interruptions . It was good both of them wanted to spend as much time with Zemyna as possible . Soleil put a halt to her ruminations and got out of bed and dressed for the day . As always , it would be a beautiful one . At least from her perspective . The silly humans didn 't always agree , but they were only an afterthought . Time for work . She went to the sunroom and placed her hands on both sides of the blazing ball , then lifted it slowly . For the rest of the day she moved her burden through the sky , lighting her daughter , the earth . Her ex kept the moon out for as long as he could , somehow knowing exactly how long she would tolerate his presence , before disappearing . Greedy fool , she thought . Oh well , at least she would have most of the day to gaze down upon her greatest creation , and admittedly , her favorite child . This idea for this story came from a picture prompt ( not the picture I used today ) in my writing group . We take turns picking a prompt then whoever wants to write a story using it can do so . The picture showed a woman with her hands raised above her head forming a globe of bright light . I 'm pretty sure it was a representation of healing magic but my mind saw it as a goddess holding the sun . I jotted down ideas last Sunday and a couple of times during the week I tried to work on it , but the magic didn 't happen . I did some research on solar goddesses and came across Balkan mythology . I got so into reading about it that I wasn 't writing , except the notes . However , I knew I was going to use what I found . The dentist fit me in Thursday morning and told me everything was so inflamed it pushed the tooth up ( eruption ) . What does that mean you ask ? It means the pain I felt was exactly the same as the abscess I had before the root canal . He proceeded to drill on two of my teeth to fix it a bit because every time I bit down , or talked , or sang along to a song in my car it would hurt so much I almost cried out ( which is a rarity for me ) . So the bite problem is mostly fixed but now there is pain all over . The dentist told me there would be and gave me mega ibuprofen . I haven 't slept in days and as a result , I 'm pretty out of it . Still , I sat down at the computer and wrote this story Friday evening . It took forever because I was alternating between holding an ice pack to my face while I thought out what I wanted to say , then typing it all up . I can hardly believe my muse was willing to play ! Of course , afterward , I had to lay down and was about as miserable as possible . Eleanor recoiled when her trowel hit metal while tending to her garden . The urge to push dirt back over the object overwhelmed her . Telling herself she was foolish , she set about freeing it from the ground . She lifted a long cylindrical case of finely worked metal . As she examined it , she was surprised to find she knew how to open it . Warnings flooded through her mind . Why was she so nervous ? At ninety - five years old , her memory wasn 't what it once was , but she didn 't think she would forget something like this . Cautiously , she broke the seal . Light flared for a moment , making Eleanor feel somehow threatened , and she hesitated . Her father always told her she was too curious for her own good . He was right , but it never stopped her from jumping in feet first . Odd , she reflected , how she could remember his words but not his face . Being old sucked she thought and laughed . Death wasn 't too far off , she knew . A strange longing for that day gripped her often in recent weeks . She 'd been in the world too long . If this unusual case provided one last adventure , she would take it . Pushing the ill portents aside , she pushed the cap all the way open and found a rolled piece of parchment inside . She slowly unrolled it , unsurprised it was a map , complete with a large red X . It showed the town she lived in , but it was old , with none of the newer landmarks in the area . She could have sworn she had never seen it before but knew she must be wrong because she knew exactly where it led . It ended in the woods on the outskirts of town . People rarely went there . She didn 't know why , but every time she went near it , she felt repulsed . Though worn out from her gardening , Eleanor determined she would go . Trowel in hand , she set out . Twenty minutes later she was there , with no assistance from the map . From the moment she entered the tree line , everything became unsettlingly familiar , yet she couldn 't remember ever being there . After several minutes of walking , she found the marked site in the middle of a small clearing . Though there was nothing exceptional about the spot , she knew where to dig . It took her an hour to find the chest . Reverently , she pulled it up and set it next to the hole . She was too exhausted from her efforts to open it right away . As she lay on the grass , she could almost remember doing this previously . Déjà vu ? I 'm too old for this shit , she thought . After resting for a while , she sat up and studied the chest . It was covered in strange symbols which almost glowed . Knowing it was right , she waved one hand in front of the lock . It released and fell away . She opened the lid and peered inside . A gasp escaped her when she saw it was filled with gold coins , glittering jewelry , and a scarred wooden bowl . Without knowing why she lifted the bowl and watched as it filled with water . A part of her said what she was seeing was impossible , but she ignored it as the moment imbued her with wonder . Eleanor remembered her wish to die . She 'd lived a long and blessedly boring life . Death was a welcome thing . Her longing for it was deep but wavering . She glanced at the water , then the shining contents of the chest . With a shrug , she drank from the bowl . When every drop was gone , she took several handfuls of gold and a few pieces of the jewelry out and placed them beside her . She set the bowl back on top of the rest . She laid back on the grass and closed her eyes . The change was uncomfortable but brief . When she rolled to her side and pushed herself up , long black hair covered her face . Black , not gray ! Damn , she thought as she took in the scene before her . She did it again . Her memories returned to her , she recalled how she promised herself the previous cycle would be the final one . She 'd been ready for death but now had to live her life again , for the thirteenth time . Oh well , thirteen was her lucky number . Since it was an odd - numbered cycle , she had access to her magic . Maybe she would be an evil witch like her third and seventh time then go out with a bang ! As she picked up her loot , she decided there were only two things she knew for sure she wanted this go round . Forever death at the end and no more gardening . I have a book of writing prompts called A Year of Creative Writing Prompts . Each page represents a day with three prompts . There is a five - minute prompt meant to be a warmup . These are one word and most of the stories I 've written recently came from this type . Today 's story came from a midday one . I 'd seen it before but it did nothing for me . Then a few days ago when I skimmed over it , I got an idea . I jotted down whatever came to me and a story was born . An elderly woman is gardening when she discovers what appears to be a treasure map buried in her back yard . It seems to lead to a spot on the outskirts of town . What does she find where X marks the spot . The first time I saw this I found it boring . Even when I first started putting ideas to paper I didn 't think it would go anywhere , but you never know . It 's what you do with an idea that matters I suppose . Darlene was right , always . She had known it since she was small . Now she was grown and had a mission . Everyone else needed to know how right she was . Sharing her knowledge and superior opinion became her life 's mission . Political debate on Facebook ? She was there . An argument on Twitter about tolerance ? Oh yeah , her favorite . Religion ? Darlene 's was the one true way , so she never missed one of those . Is the dress white or blue ? Ha ! She would drown the ones who guessed wrong in comments . Of course , she wasn 't a troll . Only someone who was wrong could be a troll in her opinion , and everyone knew her views were correct . At least they would . She wouldn 't stop until they did . Wasn 't that was life was all about ? Making sure everyone followed the correct path and thought in the right way . These were the things she said to herself often . She was congratulating herself on a successful online rant the day she stepped in front of a bus . Her disappointment was profound . Darlene couldn 't believe it was her time . There were still so many people she needed to put in their place . Alas , he couldn 't stop as her spirit floated up to heaven . She landed on a fluffy cloud in front of Saint Peter . She glanced around and saw that the pearly gates looked exactly the way they should . Peter , however , did not . She told him so , and for his benefit , she went into detail of how he was supposed to look . Peter sighed and stared at his lists for a time . Finally , an idea struck him . He made her a special place , full of only people like her . It only took an hour for her to come to him saying she set all the others right and she begged to go to the other place to fix it as well . It only took thirty minutes for the ruler of the other place to implore Peter to take her back . It took Peter only a moment to decide it wasn 't her time . He put her back on earth early in the morning of the day she was supposed to die . He started a Twitter fight about celebrities in politics to keep her home . This story isn 't from a prompt . I wrote the bones of it a few weeks ago and today I decided to do some minor revision and post it . There was something I didn 't quite like about it but I didn 't know what . I finally realized there were a lot of repeated words and punctuation issues ( thanks , Grammarly ) . Once these were fixed I noticed a few problems with the way it flowed so I revised them . I 'm still calling it a rough draft because it 's not ' perfect . ' Clouds rushed to rest over the fresh gravesite of the wizard Clavius . Duncan found it appropriate and thanked the wind as he cast the last handful of dirt onto the pile . Only a brief rustling of leaves near his feet answered , but he knew the wind appreciated his words . When taking control of the elements he was always careful to show the proper respect . He liked to think he learned from others ' mistakes . Too many weather wizards died because of their indifferent arrogance . He refused to be like the ones who came before him , like the one lying in the grave at his feet . In the dead wizard 's case , angry fire killed him . The man should have known better . One can only force an elemental for a short time before it would turn on you . If you asked politely and thanked it , there was a good chance you would survive . Duncan rarely forced nature to do his bidding . In the few emergencies when he 'd taken control of an elemental without asking permission , he apologized profusely and made the proper sacrifices to appease them . Most knew he wouldn 't abuse them and were understanding As long as he didn 't do it often , he would be safe . Clavius hadn 't bothered . He forced the same fire elemental to kill thieves in the poor district several times . Fire cannot be contained for long and many had died . The wizard hadn 't cared but the fire did . The last time he tried to use it , along with help from the wind , the elemental broke his control and turned on the man . Duncan wasn 't present but heard the man 's cries from across the village . As Duncan stood over the grave of his biggest rival at the Conclave , he smiled in satisfaction . Unlike the dead man , he had asked permission before he sent the wind to help the fire . Clavius , like all wizards , had been an evil bastard , but Duncan was the worst . He would continue to be courteous to the elements so he could take out the rest of his rivals and rule the Conclave . I 'm trying to get back into writing most days . Not writing for an entire week , and losing my favorite aunt , took its toll on my habits . I 'm still grieving but time is starting to do its job . Flash fiction , and a lot of it is my goal right now . However , wizard Duncan ( who needs a name change ) , fascinates me . He can control the elements / elementals but prefers wind . He 's not a nice guy , but he 's polite to the forces he controls . He needs a good protagonist and a goal . I feel a longer story brewing . Oh , and this story is not the result of a writing prompt . I sat down to write and thought about the wind and ideas started flowing out of my fingers . Like I said , it 's not much of a story but writing it made me feel like me again . Slash , stab , parry , repeat - she made her way through the enemy . Somehow she made it to the opposing commander . She didn 't want to guess how many she 'd killed to get there . When she took his head , the rest of his men fled . She turned to her own troops and signaled to let them go . As one , the soldiers dropped to one knee and bowed their heads for a moment . When they rose , every eye was on her . What were they doing ? As the battle rage left her , Feylan became aware of the change . She lifted an arm and saw she wore gauntlets instead of her regular leather gloves . Her eyes searched her entire body and found it covered in shining silver armor . Never had she seen a brighter set of the magic armor one could only earn by acts of ultimate selflessness , nobility of spirit , and bravery . It was no wonder she 'd felt both heavier and stronger while fighting . For a time , she 'd been untouchable . The armor must have healed her but she didn 't want to take off the glove to touch her eyebrow . She could believe it . She 'd only witnessed one other person gain their armor , though there were several in the realm . Still , it was rare to be chosen . Oh hells , she didn 't have time to deal with it . There was a war to win , independence to be won . Still , she would take advantage of it to help her people . Using her new title , she signaled for her soldiers to quit the field . They needed the rest and apparently , there was a coronation to plan . This story was inspired by a picture prompt use in my writing group . It was a close - up of a woman 's face . She was wearing a helmet and the hilt of a sword covered her nose and mouth . So all you could see were the armor , the sword , and her eyes . Today , when I pulled out my notebook , I knew what I wanted to write . This is the first thing I 've written ( besides a blog post ) since before last Sunday . After the week I had , I 'm happy to be writing again . The smell of smoke woke him . For a moment he thought he must be dreaming . His recurring nightmare of dying in a fire flashed through his mind . His first cough assured him he was awake . He threw the blanket off and jumped out of bed . In the dark , he groped for the ever present clothes on the floor . They were not there . Cursing himself for not only going to bed drunk but also sleeping nude , he made his way to the closet . It only took two steps for the coughing to stop him . Remembering that smoke rose , he crouched and made his way to the door . He grabbed the handle . It wasn 't hot but neither would it turn . He coughed again as the smoke coming in from under the door filled his lungs . He turned and crawled to the window . It wouldn 't budge . He grabbed his desk chair and swung it at the glass but it he was too weak to break it . Not knowing what else to do , he lay on the floor and waited to die . He thought of all the things he wished he 'd said and done . All his regrets crowded his mind . Topmost was his decision to cheat on the love of his life . Sure she was crazy but he 'd promised he would never hurt her . Before he lost consciousness he voiced his apology , one he knew she would never hear . The smoke coalesced over his body . He opened one eye and almost thought he could see a face . I forgive you , he heard before the air in the room cleared . A dream then , he realized as he drifted off to sleep again . 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There 's only two people in this world that are as smart as me , Batman and the Joker . How can you even argue a statement like that ? They are both extremely intellectual characters that will never stop fighting because they are both just as smart as the other . They definitely are the only people on the same level of intelligence as me , and today I 'll prove it . Today I am skipping my 50 States test and watching Batman vs . Joker : Unmasked . This is a huge deal to anyone that knows anything , which is me . You might ask yourself , how does this brave , Robin - like 5th grader just so easily skip school ? My brains of course . I have it all planned out . This morning I woke up super early ; even before mom . I snuck into her bathroom and used her blow dryer to give myself a hot forehead , then I took last night 's left overs and threw them in the toilet , because , well you must be smart enough to figure that one out . I 'm going to sit on the couch and watch the Batman countdown until she comes down stairs and says , " What 's wrong ? You must be so sick . You 'll have to stay home today . " Yep , it 's all planned out . As I sit through my third episode of Batman , mom finally comes down stairs . " What have you done ? " She asks concerned . That wasn 't what I was expecting . " Cody , I 'm not stupid . I saw my hair dryer in your bathroom and the empty left over box on top of the toilet . You 're not sick , you just made a mess . One that you 're going to clean up . " She says sternly as she turns the TV off . All of the sudden , I can 't breathe . My plans have failed . My mother has out smarted me . She 's smarter than me , Joker , and even Batman himself . I try to apologize for my actions but I am unable to say anything . Nothing will come out . " Oh what ? Are you sick now ? " She asks jokingly . I can 't speak , there is one person in the world smarter than me , Batman , and the Joker . To make it worse , she 's been living with me this whole time , secretly competing against me to be the be smarter than me . " M - mmo - other , " I manage to squeak out . " I don 't want to hear it , Cody . Just go upstairs , clean up the bathroom , and get dressed . " I struggle to get up , limping away with every step . I feel like I have just fought in a battle with Batman and the Joker . I am no where near as strong and coordinated as them . I reach the TV remote and record " Unmasked " to watch after school . It was worth a shot . Now I 'll go to school and get the best score on my 50 States test and still be the smartest kid in school . To Tell a Lie Mallory K . I wish I could stop , but it 's too late now . It 's been like this since I was a little girl . I can 't change myself now . I sit down on the sofa across from the therapist . My stupid foster family decided that this was " a good idea " . Mhmm , yeah right . These visits always end the same so let 's see how this one turns out . " So your name is Kelsey , is that right ? " the elderly therapist asked . Hard to lie about that one so I fake a smile and say " Yes ma ' am . " She gave a smile back and folded her hands together and calmly said " Tell me a little bit about yourself Kelsey . " I took a deep breath , what would I say this time ? " Well , I was born here in Kentucky and I was raised in Indiana for the first four years of my life . I had cancer at 1 ½ years old and I beat it . That 's about it . Nothing really interesting . " I sighed , shrugging my tired shoulders . " So you 're a cancer survivor ? " She said , grabbing for a huge jug of juice . " Yes ma ' am . What , you don 't believe me ? Did the Campbell 's tell you I tell nothing but lies ? ! They 're lying ! " I angrily snapped , starting to rise from my seat . The elderly therapist put her arms up to grab my shoulders and force me back onto the sofa . " No , no dear ! They said nothing like that ! " She continued to grab for the juice and poured me a cup of apple juice and handed it to me . I took a sip and tried to hide my pursed lips and scrunched up nose . I hated apple juice , it was too sweet . The therapist tried to pour me some more but I shook my head no . " Your caretakers say you love apple juice . Was that a lie , Kelsey ? " she said in her same calm voice . It almost seemed to mock me . I hated the way my name came out of her mouth , so softly and calmly . Like she was talking to a 7 year old instead of a 19 year old . I wanted so badly to leave and my heart sank when I saw the clock only say 2 : 00 . It didn 't end until 5 : 00 . My mind started to wander and everything that came out my mouth was more and more far from the truth . " Where did your parKelsie M . I could see the guilt in her eyes before she even reached the alter . She had not been faithful and yet here she was , about to devote herself to one person for the rest of her life . I was like her once , incapable of being loyal , undeserving of being loved . Entering the priesthood was my last choice . If I wanted to make things right this was the only way to do so , no matter how much I hated the smell of incense . Turning to face the groom , the bride had the same pale look of horror as I did when I shot the love of my life . I had told myself that this relationship was going to be different because Macy was different . The way she saw the world , the way she told stories , and even her intense hatred of pickles made me love her all the more . But I guess it just wasn 't enough because along the way I slipped up . I must have slipped up or else she wouldn 't have cheated on me . I looked at everything . I took in all the details , but nothing was adding up . I was the one who usually did that sort of thing . I was the one who struggled to remain loyal in all of my relationships . All of them besides this one at least . The thought of anyone else being with Macy tore me up . I was not going to let them have her . They were going to pay for their actions . Macy was meant to be with me . The hatred inside of me blinded me from thinking logically . For hours I waited in Macy 's apartment for her to show up with the person who was separating us . Finally , I heard Macy giggling as she approached the door . She was talking to him . Hearing his voice was the breaking point . Without even thinking I fired the gun at the first person who walked through the door . A loud thud sounded as the body fell to the floor . Shock washed over me as the realization of my mistake finally sunk in . Surrounded by the cold silence , I was overcome with guilt and terror when a voice shattered the quiet , " Macy , are you there ? Is everything okay ? " Laying on the floor next to Macy was her phone . The name " Isaac , " lit up the screen . I knew then and therKalei M . The table was cold , the steel felt like concrete against my back . I had pictured this room countless times ; the nurse , the grey walls , and the window . The air was stiff , the same as that night , the reminder poisoned my mind , taking me back to the beginning . It 's been 132 days since my death . They told me I only had 246 days left . Today was day 246 . You know the feeling that you get when the wind is knocked out of you ? The almost instantaneous pain that throbs in your chest ? That 's what the first shot felt like . My body went numb . My eyes , dark . Is this what it felt like for her ? It happened like this ; The crimson puddled like raindrops , streaming steadily from the source . The white sheet spread across like snow . My hands had been dipped in the same rosy color that covered the ground . I felt the pain rack my entire body , like an explosion in my chest . The second shot . My ears deaf to the screams . My mind was still . The silence pierced like the knife in her side . When she died , I did too . They all believed I could do it . I stuck a knife to her side . She was my twin , she didn 't deserve to die . Twelve people saw a monster , in my reflection I only saw her eyes . When they read the verdict my heart stopped , just like now , the third shot . Guilt fills my body as I think of my actions from yesterday and what I have done to you . I wish I could take it all back , but sadly , I can 't . However , I can explain myself and hope you find it in your heart to forgive me . It all happened yesterday during lunch , when I was looking in the employee fridge and saw my favorite kind of sandwich , a sub . There wasn 't a name on it , so stupidly I thought maybe it was extra and up for grabs . As I bit into the bread , mayonnaise filled my mouth and I spit the bite out in disgust then proceeded to throw it away . Only to see you walk in moments later and open the fridge in search for what I had just thrown in the trash . I could see the sorrow on your face and in your voice as you explained that your lunch was missing . You shrugged it off , but I know that deep down you were yearning for the sandwich I had just selfishly tossed away , as if it were nothing . As you bravely put on a smile and walked towards the vending machines , I immediately ran to the garbage can and took out the sandwich . After going back to my desk , I put the dirty sub into a plastic bag and put it in my satchel . Usually , I am not a night owl , but I was up all night reconstructing the sandwich exactly as you had it . Even fought through my repulsive disgust for mayonnaise and smeared it on the bread in the same places you had . The sandwich this note is attached to is not the same as the one you had , but it 's the best I could do . I know nothing I do can take away the sadness and hunger you felt yesterday , and for that I am truly filled with remorse , but I hope this can cure your empty stomach today . " And I thought you were going to stay with me through anything Jason . When we got married you said your vows and the most important to you was working everything out whether the problem was tiny or huge . Deciding which pumpkin to buy so that we could carve it for our first Halloween to buying our first house . We were supposed to love each other forever . I never said that I didn 't want kids I just said that I didn 't think I was ready to have them yet . We 've only been married for a year , we both have new jobs and are still making payments on all the new furniture we bought for the house . Our marriage is still bubble wrapped it 's so new , I just want more time to get settled into our new life before we bring another person . Maybe for now we could get a dog , or a cat ! A cat and we could take it for walks on a leach . Lets just wait , and get a cat until we 're ready for kids . I know you want kids right now , but right now I am just not ready . I am sorry . Please do not leave me . We will get through this I promise . One day I will be ready for more than just a cat on a leach . " As soon as i get my last word out he closes the door behind him . A few seconds pass , then he re opens the door . He looked at me with that perfect smile of his and said , " are you coming to get this damn cat or not ? " Thats when I realized exactly why I married him . I grabbed my coat and ran out the door into the car . Giggle and happy , just like I was on our wedding day . " This is no time to act a fool , Ryan . You know good and well that the Prestigious Feline Association has strict guidelines on the length of fur around their paws . I can 't have a repeat of last year happening again ! It 's almost judgement time ! Get those scissors out and trim about a quarter inch off each side . And when I return you better be finished . " She walked away , Maximilian in tow . Hastily I grabbed the scissors which where still in the case and opened them before facing the feline . Ronaldo was ruthless , he is the reason I have scratches covering my arms and a couple lasting scars on my face . What he hated most : grooming . I approached slowly , making sure his leash was attached to the pole . Things started off okay , until I got too close to his face while inspecting my work . That 's when the claws came out . God , this cat was ferocious , by the time I was done with his front leg I had three bleeding scratches . Man up Ryan ! Think ! I wasn 't going to sit here and take this . Looking around the venue , I noticed a box filled with bubble wrap that once held the glass trophy for today 's show . " Borrowing " the bubble I devised a genius plan . All I needed now was the helmet . It was November so what better décor than to have plastic pumpkins surrounding such a classy show . Cats , corn stalks , and pumpkins , oh how beautiful ! Not . Who needs pumpkins at a Siamese Cat Show ? Cutting the pumpkin with the scissors I made two eye holes before making an even larger hole for my nose . Completing the look I wrapped myself in bubble wrap , looking like a burrito . Gingerly I approached the beast , scissors on guard like I was prepared for battle : which I was . I stealthy trimmed the other legs , protected by my shield as Ronaldo swatted and popped a couple bubbles . As I completed my grooming , I stepped back and removed my helmet to examine my work . Boy , was I in for a surprise . Apparently , I didn 't make the eye holes large enough and my perception of how much a quarter inch was , was off . The cat looked like a naked mole rat from the bottom down . On the plus side , we didn 't have a repeat of last year like my mother feared , instead we did worse . " Nope ! I told him that the store was offering a discount to anyone that came in with their costume on ! " I smiled at my own cleverness . Amber laughed at my antics before picking up my pet , Roxy , who was not enjoying her pumpkin costume . Amber asked " How did you manage to put your cat on a leash ? " I pulled down the sleeves on my costume to reveal a few scratches that were caused by that demon cat . I should have dressed her as a little devil instead . " It wasn 't easy , but after a bit of catnip I was able to slip it on . I also snuck a present for you guys out of the attic ! " Amber and Markus both looked confused , until I pulled bubble wrap out from the pillowcase I brought to collect candy in . Amber gasped and hugged me tightly in her embrace . " Thank you Kathy , " He said in his normal monotone voice . It fit well with his grim reaper costume . Amber pulled away from the hug and snatched the bubble wrap fro my grasp . She shouted " Mine , " before proceeding to pop every bubble on the plastic wrap . Her bouncy and loud personality also went well with her clown costume . She probably dressed like that to freak out Markus since he hates clowns . I smiled before linking my arms with theirs . " And I thought you were going to visit your mom today ? " I questioned . Jeremy visited his mother at St . Jude 's HealthCare Center every Wednesday and Sunday . Melinda was always extremely nice to me , she had never been the type of mother - in - law you would come to despise . We moved her into the nursing home five years ago when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer 's . Melinda didn 't remember her son Jeremy , her grandchild Ethan , or me . Although , she did remember her deceased husband Mark . I never knew Mark because he passed away when Jeremy was only seventeen years old . Jeremy and I met when we were nineteen . Jeremy always told me stories about how Melinda and Mark would send each other small , random trinkets by mail because they went to different colleges and that 's how they decided to express their love . It was a miracle that she remembered Mark , but it was only because she believed Jeremy to be him . Every time we visited her she called him Mark . I know it broke Jeremy 's heart for her not to know it was him , but I think he was also happy that she still had some piece of her life left . One day I had just come home from work and I went out to get the mail . There was a tiny box in there that was from Melinda . When I opened the box a card sat on top and read , " To my lovely Mark . Another token of my love ! " . Inside the box , wrapped in bubble wrap , was aceramic pumpkin . That was the day we realized she thought Jeremy was Mark . Another day she sent a stuffed animal cat on a leash , which Ethan loved . He walked it every morning , while we went to get the paper . Each time she sent a trinket , it was addressed to Mark . I eventually had to start hiding them from Jeremy , it got to be too hard for him to bear . It was enough for him to be thought of as his mom 's husband by his own mom , but to receive love notes as well , it was just too much for him . And I thought you were the one . All of the times I saw you working at the Pet Shop and you would smile at me and asked if I needed any help . I thought you were the one when I saw you packaging up things in boxes wrapping them with bubble wrap and you would laugh as one of the bubbles popped . I thought you were the one when I watched you pick up Pringles and a Reds Apple Ale at the gas station because those are my favorite chips and my favorite beer . I thought you were the one when I saw you watching Stranger Things through your window because that 's my favorite show . I thought you were the one when you were running outside with your kids and laughing as you all were trying to catch lightning bugs through the night . I thought you were the one when I saw you trying to walk your cat on a leash in the snow because that 's the kind of odd thing I would do . I thought you were the one when you went to Hewbers to pick out a pumpkin for Halloween because I use to go there as a child . I thought you were the one when I saw you driving and singing your favorite song out loud like you were performing a concert . I thought you were the one but you have another man in your life . But I will always wait for you and watch you until you become the one . " And I thought you were a nice person . But I guess not ! " cried Angela . " Angie , it 's nothing . And I 'm sure Ms . Essie is fine . " Elle defended . " Doubt it ! " Michael said sarcastically . The three teens stood in front of a ransacked house on the end of the street . " And on Halloween , it 's like an actual horror movie ! " Angela sniffed . " I 'm sure it 's just a haunted house or something . It 's probably just a set up . " Elle said , leading the other two away from the house . The front door had been left ajar and the lights had all been turned off . " Do you really think Ms . Essie would have a haunted house ? She 's like a hundred . I think an actual crime happened here ! " Michael screamed . " Keep it down , Michael ! We 're gonna walk away and act like none of this happened ! " Elle said , still trying to usher the other two off the front porch . " What if she needs our help ? What if she 's dead ? " Angela gasped . " Oh for the love of God , Angie , she 's not dead ! If we walked in right now , she 'd probably still be sitting in there knitting for her cats ! But just in case she isn 't , we should just leave ! " Elle snapped , shoving at Michael and Angela , who were still fixated on the porch . " You were the one who told us it would be more fun trick or treating at midnight ! Now look what we 've found ! " Michael snapped back . " Okay , okay ! It 's all my fault ! Can we get off this porch for someone sees us ? " Elle nervously said . " I didn 't even see her walk her cats tonight on those leashes . She always walks them . Can 't we just go in and make sure she 's okay ? Every light in the house is off and Essie never goes anywhere . " Angela pleaded with the tense looking Elle . " Fine , you two can do whatever you want ! I 'm going home ! " Elle stomped off the porch in frustration and walked down the driveway . She called back at them in sarcasm " Well , are you little babies gonna go in ? " " We 're working on it ! " Michael sassed back . Elle mumbles to herself in anger as she walks down the streetUntitled " And I thought you were the sun , " Avariella admitted to Nemo . " No one else saw you like I did . You were overlooked by everyone like the smallest pumpkin in a pumpkin patch , but I saw you . I couldn 't stop thinking about you . You consumed my every thought without me even realizing it . When I fell in love with you , I had no idea it was love . I didn 't think I was capable of comprehending what love was . It just happened . Before you , I had a bubble wrapped heart . I did everything I could to keep from having feelings for anyone because I was afraid of getting hurt , but that all changed . Whenever I thought of the moments we had together , my stomach clenched with this overwhelming excitement . Whenever I would think of you too much , I would become so anxious that my breath was taken away from me . Every single time I thought of you , or whenever anyone mentioned you , my heart rate would speed up . All I had to hear was your name , and my mood was ten times better . My most favorite times were when we talked . Spending all hours of the night speaking to you about who knows what … I ' 'll never forget those conversations . That was when we bonded the most . You were so easy to talk to , and you made me laugh so effortlessly . You could make a joke , but you could also have a serious conversation if you wanted to . You were nosy , but it was cute . I think what pulled me towards you the most was the way you always had me chasing after you . We 'd have this long , sentimental conversation one day , and the next day you wouldn 't text me back . You would act like you liked me one second , and then you 'd ignore me the next . It confused me so much , yet it kept me on my toes . The one thing I was truly afraid of was annoying you to the point that you wouldn 't want to talk to me anymore . Sometimes I felt as if you were like a cat on a leash , and I was at the end of that leash trying to tug you back towards me . You were the one guy I liked that didn 't seem to show me enough attention . There were other guys who showed interest in mePumpkin , the Pup " And I thought you were a cat ! " Annie , my owner yells at me as she walks past the left over pieces of my torn up bedding . I am not typically described as a cat to my friends , we consider ourselves alpha coyotes . Ever since I was a little kitten , I have felt my calling as a wolf - dog . Being a cat never tickled my pickle . Annie doesn 't understand me . Even when I bark at her to let me outside , or stare at her when she 's eating dinner , hoping for some leftovers , she doesn 't understand . Annie huffs as she starts to clean up the mess I made . I decide it 's a good time to evacuate the premises . I walk out of the apartment and jump from the balcony to the ground beneath me , landing on my feet , the most cat - like thing I will ever be able to do . I stroll past old takeout boxes , bubble wrap from packages , and garbage bags in the alley . I spot my fellow canine friends on the corner getting ready for their afternoon walk from Derrick , the dog walker . " Hey , Pupkin . " He greets me as he puts on my leash . Derrick is a great companion because , unlike Annie , he respects my decision as being a canine . To show my regards for the free walk , I run up to my friends without holding the pack back . Annie really is an amazing owner . She buys me tuna that gets my cat feels all tingly . She scratches my head late at night when she 's watching the Netflix show of the month . And when she comes home from lunch she gives me her extra grilled chicken . You can 't beat that . " I got you something , " She smiled as she put a big bone in front of me . My very own dog bone ! I bark in response to express my gratitude . Rubbing my head , she responds , " Good boy , Pumpkin . " " And I thought you were finished packing already ! " My sister exclaimed . " We are leaving to go to Florida tomorrow and you still have stuff in your attic ! You haven 't even opened the box of bubble wrap I gave you last week ! " She climbs the ladder into my attic and nearly falls over from the sight of everything in there . I don 't blame her , I can 't recall the last time that I ever cleaned out my attic . " What do you see up there ? " I call out . " Anything we can sell ? " For about a month , my sister and I have been saving up money so that we could both move to Florida to be closer to our family . We did save up enough already , it 's just that having some extra cash wouldn 't hurt anyone . " Unless you want to try to sell a rotting pumpkin , then yeah , we can totally sell something . " She replies sarcastically as she begins to toss things down to me to pack away . From the looks of the things that I 'm getting though , it might be better to just put them in the trash pile which has grown in size since we started to clear my house out . " Why on earth do you have a framed picture of a cat on a leash up here ? Who do you know that puts their cat on a leash ? And why would you take a picture ? " She questions . " You just have to learn how to live a little , take a leap out of your comfort zone and put a cat on leash sometimes . " I answer with ease . She steps down the latter with a heavy box in her arms and gives me a weird look that seems to say , " How am I even related to you ? " She hands me the box and I take it out to her car , readying myself for whatever comes next . The next day , the two of us shove the last box into her car and slam the trunk door down . I take a final look at my house , where I lived for a good five years of my life . Lots of strange stories have been made and told inside those rooms , but I suppose it 's time to start a new chapter in my life . " Oh heavens no ! I was merely following you from a distance , " giggled my crazy neighbor Agatha . All week I had noticed her popping up at the same places as me , following me into stores , and keeping an extremely uncomfortable gaze on me from her porch . It all started when I was walking out of an antique shop carrying the newest piece for my glass menagerie . As I turned the corner , Agatha bumped into me knocking me and my precious glass pumpkin to the ground . Agatha was the neighbor that we all tried to avoid . A real crazy cat lady type person . Everyday she would groom , dress , and walk her cat , Romeo Maccabee III . Talk about a sight for sore eyes . The duo appeared everyday with matching sweaters . Romeo even wore booties on his feet because Agatha was worried about his " sensitive paws . " Meanwhile , the only thing I was worried about was keeping Agatha away from me . At first I tried being nice . I would smile and wave whenever I saw her . I would engage in small talk . I did all of the polite things I could think of hoping she would leave me alone , but it wasn 't working . She was everywhere . When I went to the grocery store . BOOM , Agatha . When I went to get my mail . BOOM , Agatha . Everywhere I turned there was Agatha . It was maddening . The next time I saw her she was following me around Target . I quickly hastened my pace and weaved in and out of the aisles . I was determined to lose her . With Agatha out of my sight I headed to the bathroom to take care of some business . Sitting in the bathroom stall I finally felt at peace , that is until I noticed Agatha 's cat - decorated Sketchers in the stall next to me . " Agatha , are you kidding me ! " I exclaimed as I quickly hurried out of the stall . " This is outrageous . You can 't follow someone into the bathroom ! " Agatha slowly opened the bathroom stall and walked out with a bashful look on her face . " I 'm sorry , I really am . It 's just that I felt so bad for breaking your glass pumpkin that I bought you a new one . I just wanted to give it to you at a good time and make sure you didn 't buy another one , " she said as she pulled out a box and handed it to me . Inside the box was a new glass pumpkin carefully encased in bubble wrap . I guess Agatha wasn 't that bad of a neighbor after all . " And I thought you were dead , " I thought , watching the old woman emerge from her house . The blackened house emitted a gloom like no other . The shingles were hardened by the weather and had been decomposing for years . Leaves collected in the gutter , while poisonous ivies thrived upon the walls . The door creaked open as she peaked her head outside . The wind caught her grey hair as it blew over and around her face , hindering me from looking at her face . Come to think of it , I don 't recall that anyone has ever seen her face . She hadn 't been outside of her house in weeks . I wondered what went on behind those closed doors . All I saw was loneliness . Here she was again , walking Nixon . I was unsure of his real name , but that was what we called him . The black cat was plastered to her side at all times . She cared more for Nixon than anything on Earth - including herself . She placed Nixon down , handling the leash . " Ms . Grunfield ! " I pushed open the gate , running across her lawn . She ignored me . I shook her shoulder . She whirled around , looking stunned . " I apologize I didn 't mean to scare you " I assured . No answer . Then I realized , she was deaf and mute . I took pity on her . She nodded opening the crimson door . Into the mysterious house I walked . I could hear the door shutting … and locking ? She was holding Nixon again . She reached for the glass cloche , which sat upon a table , revealing magnificent looking pastries . She grabbed the appealing sweet , placing it within my hand . " It sounds lovely " I told her . I broke a piece off , tasting the sweetness of the apple . Then I tasted the familiar , sweet - savory spice . Looking towards where I had bitten , I could see the orange flesh . Pumpkin . I could feel myself becoming hot . I grabbed my throat . I couldn 't breathe . My lips began to swell . I fell onto the floor , slowly crawling away . I had no more strength to move forward . I could see Nixon out of the corner of my eye . He stood still , almost too still . He never flinched nor breathed . His eyes remained open . My eyes looked toward the old woman . Her head was perched on top of her hand . She rested it there while she watched me . I exhaled my last breath , looking into those cold blue eyes . The old woman taxidermized me . She would drag me around the house wherever she went . She enclosed me in bubble wrap so I wouldn 't break . I would sit at the table with her while she would eat . She would entertain me , pretending to water her dead plants . She would brush my hair when she became bored . And when the night came , she would fixate my arm around Nixon , keeping his cold , hard body company . Company . Ms . Grunfield didn 't need company . She had Nixon and me . " And I thought you were going to like the pillow idea , " Miss . Waylon said to her orange haired cat , Pumpkin . For almost a week she has been trying to walk her cat , but every time she takes him outside he starts to flip around and hurt himself . To avoid injuries , she keeps putting different costumes and items on Pumpkin , but none have worked . Most recently she attached small pillows to him , but when they went outside , he still continued to jump and flop around . It was time for his afternoon walk and when she went to grab the leash , he made a dash for the back room , but she caught him before he got away . " Not so fast little man . You 're going to love today 's protection idea , " she said cheerfully as she pulls it out from behind her back . " It 's a bubble wrap costume ! I made it myself , it has little holes to put your little paws and cute face through ! " Once she set him down , he froze for a slight moment while he frantically looked straight ahead . He seemed calm until a small lizard made it 's way across the cat 's path , causing him to flip around like a fish out of water . He managed to scramble his way out of his collar and made a dash for the door , going as fast as the wrap would allow him . His face collided with the closed glass door , causing Miss . Waylon to cry out in worry . " You 're always staring out that window , but whenever I try to take you out there , you freak out . It 's like right when I put on your leash … " she stopped talking as a thought popped into her head . She picked up Pumpkin and without any protection gear or a leash , she opened the back door . Pumpkin was hesitant at first , but then began to run around and chase small creatures . And I thought you were never going to show up , but you proved me wrong . Let 's hurry before I miss the flight . It 's finally time to see the world , I 'm ready , New York City here I come . The flight wasn 't so bad for it being my first time flying , I thought I was going to have to wrap myself in bubble wrap to keep myself from being so scared of crashing or brushed up when turbulence would hit . For some reason coffee in the sky is much better then on the ground , More of the coffee landed on my writing book then it did in my mouth . I wander what it is like to be a flight attendant , getting to travel while being paid sounds exciting . As I looked out my window I could see New York City miles ahead . I couldn 't wait to step foot in to the city that never sleeps . As I waited impatiently for my bag in the airport I couldn 't stop thinking of every bit of fun I am going to have . I grabbed my bag got into my first taxi and headed to my hotel . I found myself in Central Park , It was bigger than I had imaged . I never knew it was so big I always thought you could stand at one end and see all the way to the other end , but nope . The craziest thing happened to me in Central Park , I saw a girl walking a cat on a leash . Who does that , I guess the people in this city do . I walked for miles as I saw things I never though I could see in this life time . The Statue of Liberty is humongous , I never knew it was so big . I always assumed it was big enough for people to go to the top but I never knew it was that massive . As I dreaded the day I would have to leave the moment I arrived , I took every bit of sight in that I could . From the crazy New Yorkers running around without a care in the world to the people that would hand you their mixtape on the side of the street , once you grabbed it they would pull you in and say oh that will be 6 bucks , then why the heck are you acting like you are handing them out for free . To add on to random people passing out things there was always a bunch of people handing out flyers for the New York City pumpkin patch Festival , that was about the only thing that I was handed and I actually attended . It was quite a thrill , sadly my time with this big city will come to an end in the morning , but not to worry I will see it soon again . " ' And I thought you were crazy . ' Those were some of the first words Andy ever said to me . I mean , I was wearing a top hat and carrying a pumpkin around just a few days before Christmas . But it was a dare that my friends gave me . I was supposed to go into Dallies Market and see if I could get someone to take the pumpkin . Random , I know . Anyways , I was walking around the market when all of a sudden I spot this beautiful girl and all I thought was ' you have to go up to her and ask her . ' First impressions are everything , right ? So I went up to her and she actually accepted the pumpkin and walked around the store with it in her hands . I waited a little until I went up to her again , explained the dare , and slyly asked for her number . That was when I heard her voice and her words telling me she thought I was crazy . Everything about her blew me away . That was almost three years ago . Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and I decided I was going to take her away from her little white room and go on an adventure . At that point , time was precious to us both . I was somehow able to sneak her out . How , you may ask ? Well according to Andy , it was my magnificent ninja skills and I guess she was right . Let me tell you , she looked beautiful that day . She had on a new shirt from her favorite band " Cat on a Leash . " Who names their band that ? She loved them though so I didn 't say anything . They did sing our song so I guess I could let it pass . She also had on these worn out jeans and converse . Her scarf matched her shoes . We went to the pier and spent the day riding the small coasters and playing the arcade games there . That night , I took her to the beach and we had dinner . Right before we left , I went to my car and grabbed a box that was wrapped in bubble wrap . Can you guess what was in that box ? Yes , it was a ring . I wanted to promise her my love before she went . Although we didn 't get married , I believe that this ring was enough for her . I wanted her to know that I was there for her before she was diagnosed with cancer , all during it , and even after she passed away . And now that she has , I cannot thank God enough for the time I was able to spend with her . Andy was such a beautiful soul and even though she is gone , she still shows herself through the little things in my life and our love for each other is still here . Thank you all for being apart of her life in some way and coming to her funeral . I know she 's up there smiling down at us . " " Oh it 's okay , Clouds . I 'll try to get it off soon , " he said to the cat . The cat meowed contentedly and curled up on the floor . Under it 's body , the bubble wrap popped and the boy and his pumpkin smiled at the sound . They 'd come to love the sound of bubble wrap being popped . " I wish I had some candy , Muffins . They only give me some every now and then , " he said . Muffins didn 't reply , but only smiled . Clouds purred at the sound of his voice . The boy absentmindedly reached down to get more bubble wrap and pop it . He giggled and kept popping . Eventually , he grabbed a small roll of it and began wrapping it around Muffins , who smiled more at the new wrap . " As for you , Clouds , I 'll get that leash off for you . I know you hate it , " the boy said . He grabbed Clouds and began to try to remove the leash , but to no avail . Clouds pouted and ran off with her own leash . She curled back up into her previous place , popping more bubble wrap under her . " I 'm sorry , Clouds . I thought today would be the day I could get it , " he said . He frowned and played with more bubble wrap to try to distract himself . He closed his eyes and put his head on a small wad of bubble wrap . " I wonder when they 'll bring my happy pills back . I don 't feel happy , " he said . His fingers tapped over the bubble wrap . The bubble pops no longer gave him the twinge of happiness it had a few minutes ago . He just stared at it , watching the plastic crunch under his fingers . " So , as I was saying , every four hours you 'll have to give him his medicine . He 'll be really excited about you being there and he 'll ask you to stay . The pumpkin is named Muffins and the cat is Clouds , " the trainer said . She smiled at the boy , who couldn 't see either of them . He loved the inanimate objects . " I 'll have you watch me this time . I don 't know how he 'll respond to others , " she said . She opened the door and went in , and the new nurse watched as the boy sprang up and his face lit up with excitement . He took the pills happily and hugged the nurse , offering her to join him and his two friends . Boris emitted a low growl from the back of his throat as he lay flat on the ground , refusing to move . The mother kneeled down on the concrete , stroking Boris . A smile danced on her lips as the old cat began to hiss and scratch at her face . The mother kicked an unsuspecting Boris , sending him flying through the air . Boris landed roughly on the cold , unforgiving pavement . The cat sent an annoyed scowl towards the mother and began to stalk away . " Oh , that silly cat ! " Her mother laughed . " I 'm going to put bubble wrap on so the wounds will heal quicker . Do be a dear and go fetch Boris for me , we don 't want him to get hurt , right ? " She quickly located Boris hiding underneath a small shrub in the backyard . Opening the back door to their house , she picked up the bag of cat food and proceeded back outside . Enticing Boris with the shaking of the cat food , Mary quickly shut the old cat back inside . Mary gave an annoyed sigh and walked down the hall to talk to her mother . " No , it can 't . This has gone on for too long , mom , you need help . I 've tried my best to care for you , but your condition has gotten worse and I can 't be here all the time . " " Grab you 're stuff and pack it up were leaving soon " he said angrily . He handed me two garbage bags to put our stuff in . I grabbed the six pairs of clothing I had , and packed my brother Timmy 's stuff . Which consisted of ten items of clothing and of course his stupid roll of bubble wrap . Our foster parents never gave us any toys so the only thing Timmy kept to play with was his bubble wrap . Timmy was sleeping in our bedroom we shared so I woke him up and told him we finally got adopted . Of course because Timmy is six he got all excited and started jumping up and down . " Yes ! Finally I get a mommy and daddy ! " He screamed , I handed him his trash - bag . Me and Timmy both fell asleep for about an hour when Joey woke us up and told us we we 're almost there . When I looked outside I saw the most beautiful green hills each house having six acres in between them . The houses looked brand new and shined brightly in the sunlight . Timmy and I exchanged excited glances we 've never had a Yard before . While driving through the neighborhood Timmy spotted a cat on a leash . " Joey cats wear leashes too ? " Timmy asked . " Only crazy rich people walk cats on leashes " Joey categorizes . We pulled into the driveway of the biggest house I 've ever seen and got out of the car . " Sam and Timmy welcome to you 're new home " Joey said with a smile . As We walked up the driveway Timmy saw a pumpkin . He 's obsessed with pumpkins because his favorite color is orange . But he 's never even touched one let alone seen one carved . A woman with long blond hair with a bright smile and large muscular man with brunette hair came to greet us . " Welcome were so excited to meet you ! The woman said . And I thought you were sane . I must admit , the way you conned me into believing your facade of falsehood was a clever feat indeed . You presented yourself in such an effortless manner that I played right into your twisted hands , not once second guessing your motives . I had even considered you a friend . Now , as I stare out into the sterile and desolate hallway of the psychiatric ward of the hospital , I can 't help but feel trapped by your insolence . It was your mimicked charm and charisma that enticed me , that took my guard down and turned it into something heedless . It also was your pretend smile and your fabricated movements that landed me in this prison cell furnished with nothing but a table and chair so carefully wrapped in bubble wrap . The best part is , nobody knows it was you . You took my face , my name , even my mannerisms , but I still have the one aspect you lack - my mind . It is the one place that you could not fully access , and yet you still managed to fool them . It 's incredible , the way you tap your foot in the same way I do , and the way you tuck your hair behind your ear so diligently . What may be even more concerning is the way you fooled me . I wanted so desperately to believe that I was imagining your slow accumulation of who I was , but you became my mirror image . You became me . Therapists show me ink blots in attempt to pick at my mind , but I continually disappoint them when I tell them that all I see is a cat on a leash . This is what you 've done to me ; you 've forced me to question my own sanity at the cost of my freedom . I 'm under lock and key , while everyone else roams freely in the world beyond these walls . They enjoy supper with their families and can breathe in the fresh air of the place I once called home , but because of you I spiraled into what I now see as beautiful chaos . It 's not the kind of insanity where you witness a carved pumpkin speaking to you , it 's the kind of insanity where you don 't even recognize yourself in your own skin . Mirrors become your worst enemy because you are terrified of what you might see , yourself or the one impersonating you . The elements of your being become obliterated by the confusion , but no longer . This place with its empty walls has served as a platform for self - realization and reevaluation of all you have taken from me . I have gradually found myself again and have noted my sense of originality that I initially lacked . I have rediscovered my light thanks to you . So , thank you . Thank you for pushing me to be me , and for helping me to find this space of such beautiful chaos . " And I thought you were coming with me ! " I shouted at my boyfriend Jeremy . " Ever since I started this idea about going four - hundred miles away to college , you always said you 'd be with me every step of the way . News - flash ! A big and very important step is for to get in my car and come with me ! " I can tell by the way he is looking at me that he isn 't going to change his mind about coming with me . " Look , sweetie , this is where our story ends . And you can 't say I haven 't been with you every step of the way because I wouldn 't be standing here if I didn 't support you . I 'm just cut out for the college life , I didn 't even apply to that school . I knew I wouldn 't get in , so why waste my time trying . " He looked like he was Ahmed to admit this to me , but I wasn 't letting him off the hook so easily . " So the past two and half years , you knew you weren 't going to college and you would just let me leave you here ? I distinctly remember when we had my family 's annual pumpkin carving contest you told me what you wanted to major in and how you planned to make that a career . I think becoming a sportscaster would be perfect for you . " Jeremy once told me he wanted to work for ESPN and I wanted to be a veterinarian , so I could work anywhere he was located . " Look , babe , I had a dream last night about your vet shop . I could see all of those cats on leashes just waiting to get back there and see you . I knew then what I had to do , I had to let you go and become the best vet you can be . Here I got you this as a going away present . " He handed me a box , inside was something wrapped with lots and lots of bubble wrap . Jeremy knows how much I love to pop the bubbles . I couldn 't believe what he had gotten me , it was a picture of me and him in our very first date . " Jeremy , this is the sweetest and most thoughtful gift I have ever gotten . You are the best boyfriend ever ! " I started to tear up , Jeremy noticed and kissed me . " I wanted you to have this picture of us , so everyone knows what a killer , hot boyfriend you have back home . " He laughed and opened my car door . I got in , started the car , and gave Jeremy our last kiss until Thanksgiving . As I drive off , I realized I couldn 't wait for Thanksgiving ! " And I though you were normal ! " The dog exclaimed , his expression showcasing both anger and disbelief , though it was difficult to tell which there was more of . His paws were balled into little fists that rested at his sides . " I 'm a human - sized cat , you moron . I 'm the exact opposite of normal . " Sprinkles , or Gregory , replied , rolling his amber coloured eyes and letting out a low scoff . " And I don 't want you telling anyone about this . It needs to stay a secret . Got it ? " Sprinkles only nodded and walked away , trying to get his leash to look like a tie so he could go to work without worrying about it . His work day was uneventful , full of carefully filing paperwork and taking calls . So he was more than glad to get home , instantly heading to his bed and grabbing his pumpkin - shaped cat toy to scratch it . As Sprinkles played with it , he absentmindedly thought about the Doberman Pinscher named Dinky who threatened to reveal that he was a cat . There was no way he could let that happen . He 'd lose his job and his house and everything he 'd worked so hard to keep .
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My dad had to have surgery on his shoulder about 2 years ago . After he was out of the surgery room and back in his regular room he remembers waking up and coming out of the anesthesia . He said he immediately noticed strange , indicipherable shadows swishing throughout the room . He just brushed it off as it being the effects of the anesthesia . However , as he was peacefully dozing off to sleep again he felt something briskly push on his temple and cause his head to move to the side . He snapped out of it wondering who touched him . He didn 't see anyone or anything as he was alone in the room , all he saw were the strange , swishing shadows especially in his peripheral vision . He tried going back to sleep but he continued to feel invisible hands touching his head , his hair and his face throughout the night . He did not sleep well at all that night . The next morning when he got up , he had completely recovered from the anesthesia and he got dressed and ready to go home . As he was sitting on the edge of his bed he noticed that he was still seeing these strange grey shadows periodically swishing from one end of the room to another and he began to get scared because he knew it wasn 't the anesthesia . Then he felt something pressing down on his thigh right above his knee and when he looked down , he saw what looked like the imprints of two fingers pressing down on the fabric of his slacks right where he was being touched ! My dad quickly got up and left the room , he was so glad he didn 't have to spend another night in that haunted hospital room ! story I was 8 years old when we moved into our own home in the United States . My family and I moved from South America seeking a better life . I was excited to be living in our own home , but that flame of exhilaration was soon put out when I first set foot in that house . As with any home , it contains many memories ; happy ones , sad ones , but mostly ones that my family or myself cannot begin to explain without staggering difficulty . One such memorable experience which I will share occurred in the dead of winter of 1992 . That night , my sister discovered that our hamster , Bonnie , had escaped her cage , but we were too tired to look for her so we went to bed praying that we would soon find her before our cat did . The next morning , our mother awoke us in a state of panic and urged us to follow her downstairs . We went in hopes that she had found our hamster , but we were met by the atrocious sight of blood . There was blood everywhere . So much ardent blood covered the floors of ! ! every room downstairs . We first thought it was the cat s malicious action to the hamster , but quickly dismissed those convictions because of the tremendous quantity of blood . It could not have been an injured animal because the only marks in it were ours and the cat s paw prints . Also , it was the middle of winter and all windows , doors , were sealed shut to lock out the cold . We were able to find the hamster later that day , safe and unharmed , however , the source of all the blood will remain a mystery . As will the evil that later infested us in that house . story There is a large older house on Clifton Avenue in Moose Jaw , Saskatchewan where several ghosts have been seen over the past 20 - 30 years . My husband and the son of the family that live there felt a presence one night . When they were teenagers , they were sleeping downstairs in the basement . They were just on the verge of falling asleep , when my husband felt someone standing at the foot of the bed , then felt a rush of air towards him . He said , " Hey , are you awake " to his friend , who said , " Did you just feel that ? " . They both ran upstairs and had a few cups of coffee and cigarettes . Also , the father who lives in this house , who is retired from the armed forces , has seen a few different ghosts . One is of a little girl standing in a white nightgown . His wife has also seen her several times . The father also was woken up one night from a deep sleep to see two doberman pinschers above his bed , snarling and growling at him . My story begins way back before I was even born . My mom ( Julia ) was about 8 years old . She lived in Marked Tree , Arkansas . Well , here 's what happened . My mom lived in an apartment on the 3rd floor . One night she woke - up and felt something hairy lying beside her in her bed . She rolled over to get out of the bed , and the thing put it 's long hairy arm around her . She scram and my grandmother ( Marie ) came rushing in , But the thing had already fled . When they turned on the light they noticed a long slit in the window screen . To this day they still don 't know what ( or who ) had done that to my mom . On my Mom and Dad 's 16th Anniversary ( my moms a nurse ) my moms hospital buddies gave her a balloon . It was almost 8 : 30 P . M . when this happened . She was coming from the dining room into the foyer . When she saw that the balloon ( which was almost out of air ) was floating up the stairs , as if some one were carrying it . She decided to follow it . ( this house had 5 bedrooms ) It went up the stairs , through the hallway , into my sisters room , down the hallway again , into my room , and back down the stairs . story I dreamed , not once but 5 times about a house I have never seen in real life , it is just about 30 minutes northwest of Atlanta , Georgia . I see a moving day , summertime , or early fall . Moving van , boxes , dusty overstuffed furniture , braided rugs , a fieldstone fireplace , a clapboard one and a half story house . White , no shutters , a large porch covering the front of the house . Wide board steps leading up to the porch and the front door with an oval window in it . The window is frosted glass . There is at least one pot of flowers on the porch steps . It is sunny and the house is surrounded by tall trees . There is a long dirt drive of red clay soil and peastone . The drive ends in a cul - de - sac at the front porch of the house . There is no carport or garage in view . No shrubs , or gardens . Step up to the porch and open the front door . There is a small coat closet immediately on the right . The woodwork in the house is stained dark walnut and is still shiny in the light from years o ! ! f reapplied varnish . You open the closet door and there is a bare bulb illuminating an empty closet lined with wanescoat paneling . No hanger rod , no hangers , or boxes . The closet isn 't the problem . It is the closet door itself and the tiny area of space just in front of the closed closet door . As if the door stands watching you . Behind it the closet itself is not threatening . Just the door itself and the space in front of it which feels off . It is almost like standing next to a person you cannot see , but whose breathe and stare you feel . It is uncomfortable to stand in that entryway space for very long . In the livingroom , there is a fireplace on the left , lit . A large painting above of a person , I don 't know the person . The painting came with the house . There are standing lamps with gold parchment lamp shades , and one is an old Tiffany . Jewel tones , and the warmth of the firelight , give holiday glows to objects in the room . This house is haunted . And I am sure that I will mov ! ! e or help a loved one move into it someday . I have received mail regarding this house from an online visitor to a previous site that carried my story . It is almost as if the house has a guard at the door , watching all who enter . Not sure what to make of it . This is my story for what it is worth . I would be interested in what the community thinks about dreams of this sort . - Leigh On February 1st , I was leaving the bathroom after relieving myself . No sooner than had I flipped off the light , when it fipped back on again violently . Befuddled , I reached back and flipped off the light , thats when I saw somthing out of the corner of my eye . I turned to see an abstract entity standing in the bathtub staring at me . This was about the time when my rational thought went bye - bye . It stood about two feet tall and had piercing yellow eyes . I just flipped back off the light agian and walked out , the concept of what I had just seen had not sunk in yet until I went to lay down . Thats when it all sank in . This light flipping has occured with me before , I guess casper 's evil twin wnated me to see him this time . I have no doubt in my mind that the past light flipping was cuased by this " gremlin " too . Does anybody know how to get rid of these things ? story When I was about 12 , my friends and I were always telling ghost stories and playing Bloody Mary in the school bathrooms . My best friend , Bess , and I really wanted to see a ghost . Anyway , one day a bunch of us were sitting on the playground of our old elementary school , where we would hang out afterschool , telling ghost stories . The stories started getting too silly for Bess and I , so we took a walk . The day was appropriately overcast and dreary . We glanced up at a second story classroom window and both noticed that in one of the panes of glass were a series of fingerprints smeared upon it . For some unknown reason , this got our attention . As we stared at the window , we noticed that the fingerprints seemed to form the image of a face . We thought this was strange and kept our gaze focused on the glass . Suddenly , I saw the " face " turn into a real face of a woman . She backed away from the window , laughing , and moved inside the room where I couldn 't see her anymore . Bess and I ! ! both screamed and ran to another part of the school . I thought at first that my screaming had just spooked Bess , and that our overactive imaginations had caused me to just think I saw something - that was until Bess and I began relaying to each other what we had just seen . I 'd describe the woman 's hair and Bess 'd describe the woman 's clothes . We 'd seen the same thing . Everyday we 'd go look for the woman . We were rarely disappointed . Although she 'd change her look . She always appeared in a turn - of - the - century hairstyle and clothing , but , sometimes she was older with gray hair , and sometimes her hair was red or brown , and her clothing was always different . Bess and I always traded off descriptions of the woman , and we always saw the same thing . Everyone we tried to tell the story to thought we were just joking . We tried to look up the history of the school in the library , since the original schoolhouse on the site had been demolished by an earthquake and we thought maybe someone ! ! had been killed in it , but when the libI don 't know what it was we saw . It may very well have been just in our ghost story filled heads , but I don 't think so . My friend , Vince , has been a realtor for a number of years now . One day a few years ago , he made an appointment with a client to show him a house in Centerville , Utah , a town where I also happen to live . This home is , for Utah , an old home built by a pioneer family in the later 1800 's . It is a beautiful , two - story , stone home with an upstairs window overlooking the front doorway , among other features . Vince took his client into the home , which he was told by the owner would be vacant at the time of the showing . They explored the ground floor and then the upstairs as well , finding no one inside . They began to go back down the stairs toward the ground floor , with the client in the lead . Suddenly , my friend felt someone shove his back so violently that he pitched forward and only saved himself from a dangerous fall down the stairs by grabbing onto the railing . But the story doesn 't end here . After wondering what had just happened to him , but suspecting no supernatural cause , Vince and his client left the house to discuss a possible sale . In the course of standing in the front yard talking , my friend looked at the front of the house and saw a sight that shocked him tremendously . Looking out the upstairs window over the front doorway , he saw an old woman 's face glaring at him . He immediately ran back inside and up the stairs and searched the entire level again . But , as you know by now , there was no old woman , no living person , in that house . That was my friend 's story to me . I 've seen the house myself , though I haven 't seen an old woman looking out that upstairs window . But I 'll bet that house isn 't empty when its owners leave . story Hi ! My name is Beata Rasitsan and I am in grade four . Every day , a couple of friends and I sneak in the school and walk around . One day , we snuck into the the girls change room , and from there we walked up on the stage . The curtains were open . ( We went there because these two girls said that they heard and saw stuff on the stage ) One of my friends was beside me but then she changed sides . I thought that she was still beside me , but when I turned around , all I could see was a not clear white thing starting to fade . Another day , I went to the bathroom to wash my hands , I started hearing things , so I washed them faster . When I was done , I went to the door as quick as possible . But when I ran to the door , it started opening slowly . so I just grabbed the handle , and ran back to my classroom . Not so long ago , me and a friend of mine , went back to the stage . We crept up the stairs slowly , trying not to make to much noise . I heard something , so I said to my friend hurry someones coming . We heard footseps right behind us . But when we turned around , knowone was there . We starded heading towards the door . We turned around to take one last peak , but when we turned around we saw something run around the stage . Long about 1991 , Me and my then husband and 4 year old son moved into an apartment in the suburbs of Portland , Ore . . Things seemed kinda weird right away . . I couldn 't sleep there , My bedroom faced the foyer leading to the front door , when the lights were out and I was trying to fall asleep , I would get the erie feeling that someone or something was standing outside my door , in the dark watching , and waiting for me to fall asleep . . Of course I couldn 't . . I would often stay awake until dawn , when the feeling would go away and I could then sleep ! That 's not all ! ! ! At various times during the day or night the bathroom door would open of it 's own volition … Now countless times we closed the door , making double sure it latched , but the dang thing would open repeatedly ! One afternoon , my ex - husband and I were sitting on the couch and just happened to be looking towards the bathroom door , when to our shock , we saw the doorknob turn ( all by itself ) and the door open . . Now we knew it wasn 't a draft ( there were no windows in the bathroom ) or anything else we 'd try to use to explain it away … One night I got the urge to rush in after the door opened , it was bonechilling cold in there . . I saw nothing , but I did address the spirit and asked it to at least have the courtesy to close the door after itself . . Never did it though ! ! The feeling of being watched and that whatever it was , was just waiting for me to go to sleep never went away either . . We didn 't stay there too long … Chandralin Once when I was a child I was trying to get rid of my huge fear of the dark . The first night I turned my lights off and tried sleeping in the pitch blackness of my room . I was petrified , and unable to sleep . So I just lie there . Suddenly my sheet just all of a sudden pulled itsself off of me and slumped into a pile on the opposite side of the room . That scared me very badly . But as if one scare wasn 't enough for one night , another was to come . I quickly retreived my cover , because as most know a cover or blanket is a safe thing for a child . I turned a lamp on for the rest of the night and had trouble sleeping . The next night , after my mom comforted me , I decided to try again . The lamp went off . About 10 minutes later , A voice started to call my name . I was incredibly spooked , but I went about the matter logicly and decided it must have been a family member . I only lived with my mom , and she was fast asleep when this event occured . My mom was not the mom to play a joke on me , i knew she wouldn 't do something like that . Besides , the voice was a man 's voice , very deep . Im still spooked about the dark . This experience happened about a year ago , sometime in the late summer of 2001 . I was driving in my sportscar on the freeway , going southwest , about 15 kms outside Oslo . It was a Sunday afternoon and the sun was still shining . Something happened . I got some kind of an alert , a sixth sense registered something and I turned and looked to my right . I was alone in the car . But as I looked over towards the passenger seat , to my shock there was an old man sitting there . He was wearing a hat and a suit , his skin was grayish and his face expressionless . I all lasted for max a second or so . I got the distinct feeling that I had a ghost in my car . It was a very strange experience . I sometimes get similar experiences , but they are more like there is a presence . . like there is somebody there , I can feel them and their presence , but I can 't see them , or can 't make them out clearly . I 'd like to get in contact with somebody who is experienced with parapsychology or who has similar experiences . One day I was visiting my best friends house . This was right after her brother had died . We were bored out of our minds , and I said , " Hey , let 's try to contact your brother … . . " we went into the spare bedroom and sat down on the bed . We held hands and prayed first of all , and then we concentrated on her brother for about half an hour . Then we started getting amused with her cat … . . Her cat would do this weird thing with it 's lip when we 'd ask it a question . We asked quest ions that we knew the answers to , and the cat would always answer the questions right . i know this sounds crazy , but we were convinced that her brother was talking through the cat ! Then we got back to concentrating on the contacting part . After about 30 minutes , i was having a craving for some chips . so i walked to the door and reached for the doorknob . As i did , i felt a tug on my shirt , an unmistakeable tug . I quickly turned around and my friend was sitting on the far side of the bed , eyes closed . The bed wasn 't bouncing , she couldnt have done it … . . and she didnt . She swore to god that she didnt pull my shirt , and we looked to the door where it happened . Then we saw a very faint vision of her brother , standing beside a girl , with long blonde hair , she was covered in dirt . The weird thing is , my friend 's mom went to a psychic a few days earlier , and the psychic said that her brother had a best friend in the afterlife , a girl … . . From 1990 - 1996 I lived in a large 50 - year old home in Santa Ana ( Orange County ) California with 4 other guys . The home had previously been a convent of Catholic nuns & later a residence for Catholic priests . We knew that at least 2 of the priests died while in that home . The five of us were supposed to take care of the house as well as live there . One night I was alone in the house & was getting ready for bed . It was a 2 - story house & I lived on the bottom floor . I heard footsteps in the room directly above me . I was surprised because the guy who lived there told us he would be gone for 2 weeks . But I thought maybe he changed his plans . The footsteps went from the sink to the dresser to the bed , back to the sink , etc . , just like someone getting ready for bed . After listening for about 15 minutes , I went to bed myself . One week later that roommate returned from vacation . I asked him if he had come back to spend a night in the house ; he said no . I asked him if anyone else had the key to his room , to clean it or whatever ; he said no . So I think what I heard that night was the ghost of one of the priests who had died in that house . Some of the other guys who lived in the house had similar experiences , but none of us saw anything strange . However , some of our guests and employees did see ghostly figures on several occasions , as well as hear strange noises , as I did that night . I have not submitted this story to any other site nor have I published it for profit . I work in an office that used to be an old high school . It was converted to a school district office about 20 years ago . I am a shift - worker and often work nights . One night , at around 2 : 00am , i was doing some paper work . I stopped what I was doing to think about the happenings of that day . It had been a very horrible day because I had lost someone very close to me . I was sitting , and I put my head in my hands . Not a minute later I heard a whisper in my ear and felt something touch my right shoulder . Someone , or something , whispered " It 's okay . " I shot out of my chair absolutely terrified . Every goose - bump and hair was at attention . I have never had anything happen to me like this before or since then , but it will stay with me forever . If i didn 't believe in ghosts before that day , I surely do now . Hey it 's me again ! ( Lizzy ) And I have another story to tell . My best friends sister told me that this happened to one of her best friends . Here goes : Her friend was kinda living in the Fort Garry Hotel ( in Winnipeg ) and it was night - time so she was already in her bed . She heard a door slam but thought nothing of it and went to sleep . At midnight she woke up suddenly and looked over at her bedroom door . Standing at the door watching her was a lady wearing a fluffy purple dress and a purple hat on top of her long hair . Anyway , she was terrified and got up flattening herself to the wall farthest from the door . Then the lady disappeared . As it happens my best friends friend 's teacher had an article about the ghost . As it happens the night the Fort Garry Hotel first opened there was a big fancy ball . The lady in the purple was having so much fun at the ball that she didn 't realize that the chandalere ( sp ? ) had snapped and it crushed her . As my friend said her neck snapped and she was horribly mangled . ( I 'm getting goosebumps right now , but that might be from the hale storm outside ! ) Okay , well please e - mail me your comments cuz I would love to hear them ! Hello , I am just an average person trying to live a life . Yet , for six months now , there is something really strange happening . I have been dating this man for the past eight months . He is pretty quiet of his younger years . I was planning to stay the night , I did just that . So , I layed down to sleep , around three a . m . , I heard this womans voice saying , " Can you hear me ? " . I thought nothing of it . Again and again , same question . Until after 5 to 8 times hearing that question , I said , " Yes , I hear you ! " then nothing for 2 minutes . Then that voice said , " I have been in a car accident . " I immediently though , " Oh , my Mother " So I called her . She was sleeping . Nothing further , I fell asleep . Two days later , I was telling my Mother , I was sorry for calling her at 3 : 30 a . m . but , I needed to know if she was safe . My Boyfriend over heard , he looked white , I was asked to tell him . He said it sounds like his Mother . We are living in his Mothers house and sleeping in the same room she was once in . That didn 't surprize me . Another night , I was starting to fall asleep , it felt like someone tapped me on the head , ( right temple ) . Although it sounded like a bull whip ! I am not sure if I fear for myself as much as I feel she is just trying to contact me . I am open minded . I am sure that is what the case maybe . Of coarse , if any of you read this , let me know how you feel ? What I should do . Thank you , Charli This is a story about reincarnation . Does it exist ? You be the judge . After this incident , you can say I 'm a believer . On a day I was driving with my 6 year old twin daughters , we decided to take a back route to enjoy a different scenery . As we were driving , we saw a woman gardening outside . My daughters started screaming , " mommy , mommy ! " I let it slip my mind , wondering if they were just being silly . Later , when it was time to return home , I decided to take the same route as I did before . To our surprise , the same woman was gardening outside . As we passed by her , my 6 year old twin daughters again started screaming , " mommy , mommy ! " This was when I realized it was more than just silliness . I stopped the car and approached the woman in her garden . I asked her if she had ever met my daughters . And she replied , " No , but I did have two twin daughters that died 6 years ago . " We live in a house that was built in 1950 . we have a resident ghost , Mrs . Kroeger . In 1976 she died in the house and her spirit has remained since . we see her in all parts of the house , she is allways wearing a blue bath robe and white pants . she is allways seen smiling and as a solid person , sometimes she will appear when I play a certain track on a cd in my room , other times there is a burning smell , and our dog is constantly following something around the house . when we are in the basement alone , we can hear audible footstepswalking through the house upstairs . allmost every night there is a loud sound like someone is fall ing out of bed , usually when that room is empty . it is a very constant haunting , we see , hear or smell something every day and everyone in our family has had an incounter , even our dog , she 'll start barking at odd hours of the night , mooving around the basement , it 's kind of freaky but cool . First of all , this story was actually experienced by my friend Luke 's mom . Anyway , Luke 's mom and a friend were walking in a feild with two HUGE german shepherds . These dogs weren 't afraid of anything , remember that , it 's important . So in the field they find this beautiful old Victorian House . They see this house and wonder why anyone would just leave … Then they went inside . They let the dogs off their leashes to explore the house . They go through a kitchen , a dining room , and a game room . Then as they approach the second floor stairs , they hear the dogs wimpering and howling . They find the dogs barking in front of a bedroom . They decided to go in to see what they are whimpering at . Luke 's Mom stuck her hand inside the room , this is in August , and the room is ice cold . they then ran avay screaming bloody murder , tho dogs at their heels . No one remembers this house except her and her friend …
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JavaScript is currently disabled . Obsidian Portal has a lot of really cool features that use JavaScript . You should check them out . We think you 'll have a much more enjoyable experience . So I learned all about ghosts , or spirits and they are very very mean . I mean seriously why the heck did they attack us in the middle of the blizzard . Was our day not bad enough that they felt we needed a different challenge ? On top of that they nearly killed Cana , tried to give her a heart attack inside out . The Cain decided she was a bad ass … it 's making me rethink who the chosen one in our group is . I 'd like to think it 's me but that was some serious shredage at the all on her own … . then again she could just be the Sasuke to my Naurto . So I 'm just waiting for the right now to be awesome . I know we are suppose to help name our packmates , if we ever make it home , at our Name Ceremony . I 'm voting " Cannonball with Claws " for her . Then we met the best person in Canada ever ! His name was Bill and apparently he 's a werebear but still really sweet . He gave us food , lodgings , warm clothing and told us stories . It was really nice staying at his place . We played a game of confession , Cana cheats but I 'm not going to call her on it . Where 's the fun in that . Bill gave us provision and set us in the direction of town , we promised not to tell anyone about him . One dark night there was a pack of wolves that basked in Luna 's beautiful radiance . They besought her as her chosen to prove their strength and gain her favor . To them she posed a simple task : break this bundle of branches in half and I will avail you with great wisdom for your deed . So the wolves set about their task and tore madly at the bundle . Much to their surprise and fury their claws had little effect and the bundle was too big for them to get their jaws around . They struggled for days each one taking turns thinking they were smarter than the previous but alas on the third day they gave up . They howled at Luna , " You tricked us ! These branches are more than they seem ! " The glade was quiet for a moment and the wolves waited for some response . In her infinite kindness Luna reached down and pulled on the string tying the branches together . The sticks fell to the floor in a heap and Luna bid them to try again . In unison they tore at the branches and ripped them to pieces in a matter of seconds . The wolves looked to each other and then to the sky questioning if their success warranted any response from their mother . She beamed down on them and they felt a great comfort , they had indeed succeeded . One of the wolves spoke up to her , " I see now what your lesson was for us oh beautiful and wise mother . Apart we fail but together we triumph . " And so it was that Wolf learned the value of his pack . In all of Luna 's blessings , none is more important to our survival than each other . We forgot that last night . I forgot that last night . Lila is hurt . We were awoken in the night and then attacked by a crazed beast . Our efforts to fight this affront have ended up causing us more harm than we have inflicted . We rushed out to meet our opponents thirsty for blood with fangs and claws bared . All the while we gave no thought to the sixth member of our pack . Not . One . Stray . Thought . They almost killed her . I would say that I have no words to try and get my point across but the truth is that I have too many words . Beaten . Bruised . Battered . Mangled . Butchered . Hacked . Mutilated . Dismembered . Yet the truly tragic part of all this is that none of these words can ever truly describe what Lila must feel . My gift has never felt more useless . For all my strength it means nothing if not to defend my family . That is what my father taught me , but in my arrogance I thought myself above his lessons and teachings . I am futile . Something occurs to me as I sit down to write this . Levi , Stephen , Arumaiah , Oskar , and I have no idea what we are doing . After fighting to protect a stranger and killing pups from another Sept to do it we are driving through the Canadian wilderness to put an end to some great threat posed by the wurm somewhere in some frozen wasteland . Mom . What should I do ? I came to this somewhat frightening realization of our ignorance earlier today as I chased a deer through the woods . I don 't know what I was doing either mom . We came upon a car wreck . A truck had crushed some bikers and there were body parts all over . When we looked around we found that the bikers had been running from something that had attacked them . I silently thanked Luna for hiding away tonight as the cops rolled up to Lila . The mose interesting part of my day was an hour or so later when we pulled into Miller 's Cross . The Lift , their local diner and bar was the only thing open so we stopped there to rest and find somewhere to spend the night . There was a really beautiful woman there who looked like Christine Taylor 's twin sister but more beautiful . Her name was Kala . She was warm and friendly even as the rest of the town stared us down from their seats . She helped Levi with his stomach and scared off a couple of ruffians that had followed us into town . She took care of us for a while and I wanted to stay longer but it was time to leave . Okay , so the other Garou weren 't friendly . First , Cana ( a Ragabash who has a totally awesome name that kind of reminds me of another awesome name I 've heard before ) started looking really ill . She was pale and dizzy , and then her left side went numb and holy crap I knew what this was it was a heart attack ! I tried to help her but she got mad . I think she was just in a panic and took it out on us . At first we were trying to find a way to help her with physical treatment , but soon realized it was the other Garou causing this . We tried crossing over into the umbra , but Sina , the Galliard , got stuck halfway . She looked all weird and transparenty , and we could see her organs and everything ! I was about to try to help her , but suddenly realized that we could see the other Garou now that we were in the umbra , and one of them had his arm reached into Cana 's chest ! I am ashamed to say that I just felt all my inner rage boil up at that sight . I couldn 't let them hurt my friends . And I know if I didn 't consider them friends , I wouldn 't have such an attachment that would cause me to lose control of my rage but … but I couldn 't help it ! And becoming so enraged helped me save them , so if getting out of balance is what can save lives , the lives of my friends , then I am okay with that . I shifted into what felt the most powerful to me instinctively , into Crinos , then ran as quick as I could to stop the wolf attacking Cana . I didn 't hold back at all … I reached right for his own heart and tore him in half . But as I did this , I realized he felt not entirely physical . These Garou were spirits of the dead , and I could sense just … a thankfulness as I destroyed it . Like I was letting it free . That feeling was enough to calm me down just slightly , where now I wasn 't killing them out of anger ( as long as they didn 't hurt my friends again ) , but out of necessity and charity . I still felt my body moving instinctively and with vicious intent to kill though , so I wasn 't completely under control … Next I was attacked by a second Garou , who was just dripping wet and drooling everywhere , but I managed to leapfrog over him ( I think I felt a wet splatter from him as I did ) , more concerned about checking the status of my friends first . Calliope and Sina were being attacked by a spirit who was on fire ( and he is so not cool enough to be Mr . Fahrenheit ) , so I tackled and pinned him with my claws . Feeling the spirity flesh underneath me , thinking about how he almost hurt more of my friends , I had another moment where the rage overtook , treating my claws like picks and just stabbing him over and over again until he dissolved into snowy dust , which I clawed at some more . Once I realized he was completely gone , I looked up and saw that Calliope had managed to get Sina to our side , so they were safe now . I hopped up , prepared for more battle , but looked just in time to see Valentine fighting a long - armed Garou and BEEEEEES ! Actually I think they were wasps , but she managed to stop the spirit and the bees / wasps / hornets / whatever disappeared with it . Seeing she was safe , I turned my attention back to the drooly ghost , but Sina and Cana were taking care of him . Relieved that we had stopped them and everyone was safe , we went back to the physical world . I started to apologize for how out of control I had gotten , but Calliope suddenly came up and hugged me and thanked me for saving her life , and suddenly I just felt better and knew that it was worth losing control if it saved my pack mates . As we all calmed down and got our bearings back , I realized I had destroyed my clothing when I 'd turned Crinos , so now I couldn 't be Homid at all or I 'd freeze . And I had bought that coat as my first souvenir of New York ! Cana said she 'd find me another one though so I guess that 's okay . Then , even crazier , Valentine didn 't know who she was ! I thought she had amnesia , but she said her name was Irene and she was freaked out that we were all werewolves ! Then , another bombshell , Cana told us we were really on a reality TV show ! I started to panic , thinking I had killed innocent ghost actors , but Calliope said that wasn 't true , that Cana was just joking . I hope that 's the case but I 'm still gonna be wary for hidden cameras … Suddenly though we were called from afar . An old man hailed us and said he wanted to give us a meal and a place to rest . He was really nice and could understand us when we were shifted , plus didn 't freak out seeing some of us in Crinos , so we decided to trust him and go with him . He gave us pelts and a delicious meal with meat and all kinds of stuff , and gave me some new clothes too ! I turned Homid again and ate by the fire . I think the others were trying to find out more about him while Valentirene and I chowed down . I did get that his name was Bill and that he was very nice . He also told us a story that I didn 't listen to and made us promise to finish our Rite of Passage , which we very much agreed to . He let us sleep in his cabin for the night , and gave us a cool horn or something I think and supplies as a parting gift . He told us not to tell anyone about him , which I guess I 'm doing now so oh crap good thing this is a mental journal I will edit this part out before I put it on paper . So anyway , with that we were on our way , on a journey to complete our Rite of Passage and get out of Canada . However , we were soon interrupted when we entered a cave ; it turns out we had been herded in there by some of the Wendigo from earlier . One of them had even spit at Valentine before ! I think they wanted to end us in the first place instead of letting us leave … well , I guess I 'll tell you guys more next time in my mental journal ! Around 6 AM today she woke up coughing and sweating . She said she would be fine , and went to work like usual , but I worried all day . Dad was gone , as usual , so I was alone all day just worrying . It 's been three weeks since the bastard 's shown up back home . It 's like he doesn 't even care about us . Last time he was home he stopped in for dinner and then as soon as Mom and I went to bed he was gone again . I just don Mom was calling for water . Had to run and get it for her . She 's not doing well at all . Won 't let me call for a doctor , says we don 't have the money . I 'll probably call 911 before the night is out , but I don 't know . I can 't lose her . She 's getting delirious . She kept muttering about " The Memories ! " Then something about Rats , before she lost consciousness again . She doesn 't want me to call a doctor , but I still have Dad 's number . I don 't want to call him , but I will if I have to . Mom 's not getting any better . I skipped class today to take care of her . I didn 't have any choice . She 's still feverish . The Muttering 's stopped for the most part . I found a doctor online and called her . I told her Mom couldn 't come into the office because we didn 't have the money and she said she could have something arranged , but until then , I should keep her hydrated and she 'd let me know if she could set up a visit . She sounded real sarcastic . I wanted to come through the phone at her , but just in case , I kept polite . At least until Mom can get help . I called Dad this morning . He didn 't pick up when I called , but he called back in about an hour . I could hear voices in the background that sounded happy and raucous . It made me so angry that while Mom was here suffering and feverish he could be out partying . I kept a hold on my temper though . Couldn 't get angry with Mom so close , didn 't want to be yelling . I haven 't been to school all this week , probably won 't until Mom gets better . I can 't concentrate anyway . When I was changing Mom 's bedding today , I found a bite on her left hand . I guess that 's probably what 's causing this fever . Don 't know though . Could have been something in the apartment since she 's been sick . I won 't let it happen again though . I 've been staying in her room at night . Keeping watch . Still no return call from the doctor . Oh , Dad said he 's on his way . He did sound worried , but he didn 't know how long it would take him to get back . He better get back soon . I can 't handle this on my own . It 's too much . Mom 's been muttering again . I 'm gonna have to call 911 if nothing changes tonight . I 'll write more tomorrow maybe . Born 4 : 55 AM April 30 , 1974 , Died 20 : 15 September 10 , 2012 . Angela took ill on September 4 , and was unable to recover . She was 35 years old and is survived by her Husband Garai Bekhit and her son Levi Bekhit . I called 911 the morning of the 10th because she had a seizure . I didn 't know what to do , so I held her hand until the Ambulance got here . Apparently she didn 't make it to the Hospital . She was pronounced dead on Arrival . I wish I could have ridden with her . The last words that I 'd said to my mother had been almost a week before she died the night she got home from work when sick . This morning they sent us an ambulance bill . In the return envelope I sent a dead mouse and a note card with " FUCK YOU " written on it in Sharpie . Dad 's still not back yet . This whole thing is his fault . I 'm afraid of what I 'll do when I see him . Still waiting … I got Mom 's ashes in the mail this morning from the Hospital . I put them into her favorite vase . I wasn 't sure what else to do , so I left her on the Mantle . I made up a tiny tombstone . It 's stupid I know , but it helped me . I 've been alone for 3 full days now . Dad said he 'd be back in a week or so . I 'm expecting him any day now . He doesn 't know . Found out they turned off the water today . Mom Must 've forgotten to pay the bill . It doesn 't matter ; I 'm only staying here until Dad gets back . I 'll figure things out from there . Got a few friends I can stay with for awhile , and the owner of the grocery that Mom worked for said I could have a job when I got old enough a year or so ago . Hopefully he 'll give me one still . Otherwise I 'll figure something else out . Well , I haven 't slept in 3 days , but I think I 'm finally gonna pass out from exhaustion . I 'll write again as soon as I can . I 'm still waiting . Just woke up though . I slept for almost 24 hours . Got a few dollars in a cup in the kitchen . Gonna go buy water and some dinner . Found more in the cup than I thought I would . Grabbed some groceries for the rest of the week and a few gallons of water . I guess Mom has been putting her spare change in there . Or had been I suppose . Just one more thing I can 't thank her for . I still can 't quite process that she 's gone . I feel so alone . I haven 't communicated other than in this journal for almost 5 days now . I don 't want to leave for too long because I have to be here when my dad gets here . Lease on the apartment is supposed to be up at the end of the month . Landlord hated us anyway , he 'll probably have the police in here exactly on the 30th . They 're all bastards . If Dad doesn 't show up before I have to get out of here I 'm gonna wait for him . In the Alley outside probably . Somewhere I can get a good view of him approaching . Dad 's still not arrived . I 'm gonna put off writing for now . All I can think of is my anger . I don 't just want to write the same thoughts over and over again in here . I changed my mind . Writing in here helps me calm down and center my thoughts . I almost kicked a hole in the wall today I got so mad . It 's kinda funny if you thi I know it was quiet at first , as he walked in to find the house empty except for me . I think he realized that he had missed her . I remember him crumpling to the floor with his hands on his face . He might have been crying . I stood up from where I was and I started shouting at him . That 's where i stop remembering . I woke up what must have been hours later on a bench in Central Park . I almost had a heart attack when I first opened my eyes , as an old warty witch - face took up my field of vision . I didn 't move though . She had the look in her eyes that bespoke the kind of old lady that wouldn 't take kindly to those who didn 't do exactly as she said . Not that I was afraid of her , just wary . I wasn 't sure of what she was capable , and I knew from the mind - numbing pain in my chest that I was either very seriously wounded , or was having a heart attack . I looked down at my body and saw that what bare skin I could see was covered in long cuts , and that my chest had a massive slash across it from shoulder to hip . The old woman said something and I blacked out again . I woke up several hours later . I was laid up on a sleeping bag somewhere . It was dark , and there appeared to be a concrete and earthen ceiling above me . I was alone , and the first thing I checked was my wounds . Everything had been healed up . The only mark on me was a massive scar where the slash had been . My first thought was that it must have been months since I was last conscious . I sat up . A newspaper and a battered ti cup of water were next to my sleeping bag . This journal too as it turns out . A note was scrawled in tiny sharp letters in the newspaper . It read , " Thought you might like some reading material in case you woke up before I returned . - ML " I checked the newspaper and was stunned to discover that it was only October 8th , 2012 . So that 's where I am . Less than 2 weeks after I was sliced open , I 'm fully - healed , ( albeit with a massive scar ) , in some cave in Central Park . Probably . My Dad arrived home and saw me . I started to get angry then , but I just stared at him , filthy from not bathing . He glanced left and then right frantically down each wall of our apartment . Looking into my eyes with deep despair in his , he sank to the floor . I stood then , enraged that he could be so pathetic . It was insulting ! I yelled at him everything that had been seething in my heart the past weeks . He had no right to grieve ! He 'd left us ! She 'd died because he couldn 't be here ! His roaming was more important than we were ! I clenched my fists so hard that my nails drew blood from my palms . I shouted wordlessly . I think at this point because I still don 't remember precisely , but from what I 've been told it makes sense I turned into a big angry wolf - monster . I leapt at him claws and teeth bared to tear his throat open . What I met , I imagine , was the equally bared teeth and claws of a much older and more experienced Garou . He backhanded me with a massive taloned hand that cut deeply as it impacted . The impact tossed me across the room and my Father drew some sort of blade from his belt . I got up and charged him , even more furious now , my lips foaming with battle - rage . He swiftly sliced across my chest , opening my ribcage to the air . I felt my flesh begin to knit itself back together even as I fell to the floor . I stood again , now howling in rage at my father . I charged again , this time my claws connected . I had overextended though , and the knife was rammed up to the hilt in my sternum . My father , snarling in my face threw me out the plate - glass window of the apartment . Before my consciousness faded entirely , I remember looking back and seeing him , a man again , the look in his eyes showing the deepest black sorrow . So that 's it then . The rest is basically song and dance . I 'm some sort of warrior protector now . Don 't have e slightest clue what that means , but at least I 'm done with school . I think . I should probably double - check that . I don 't know when next I 'm gonna be able to write . People have been saying something about Rites of Passage and some shit , so I imagine I 'll be busy from now on . But thanks Journal , you 've been great . You helped me get through all this shit . Let me start at the beginning . So there we were ( to use a cliche ) , sitting in a balmy warehouse when Mother Larissa bursts in . She put us down for a little bit , and then sent us off to the central Park wilderness of the Ramble or scramble … Bramble ? Whichever , she sent us into the forest . Things started off uneventfully enough , we walked aimlessly through woods for a bit until a be - suited , Delirious gentleman burst into the clearing . He was quickly followed by a quintet of angry Hispo garou . Defending those beneath us , we engaged the group . Unfortunately , we were forced to kill the other garou . They attacked immediately with intent to kill , not even concentrating on their quarry , but on killing us . The fight was over very quickly . There was much blood and rending of flesh . I nearly had my own spine torn out . At the conclusion of the fight , a massive shadow swooped out of the sky , and with a whippoorwill howl grabbed up the suited man and swooped back into the sky . My father killed it . He showed up , out of nowhere . It took all my self control to restrain my urge to attack him . But I did , even allowing his haughty holier than thou comments . Another tribe member of higher station found us . The garou we 'd killed were the pups sent from the sept of the Winter Wolf , and had been corrupted by the Wyrm . But the wendigo didn 't know that . And we 'd already sent a group of pups up north . Accolon showed himself to us and urged us to go north . Apparently , he doesn 't speak to anyone often , so Hundo Chunder called in Bumper - Biter , a Bone - Gnawer with a Van . So … Road Trip ? Yeah , not liking that … You know how I 've been with vehicles … After nearly dying of acute motion sickness , we stopped to give me a breather at some scenic turnoff . My friends stepped into the umbra , presumably to check out the view , which I was totally cool with . But soon enough , unfortunately , we were back on the road … For about 5 minutes . We found a horrifying crash . Multiple fatalities , I didn 't know what to do . The sheriff showed up , and me and my motion sickness - addled mind couldn 't keep up , and I fear I made a fool of myself . After we cleared everything with the sheriff , we got into town . We stopped at a diner to grab a bite , and this lady named Kayla helped us out and gave the food to us free . She reminded me of Mom . I miss her so much . Still feels like fucking yesterday … I swear by Gaia , Luna , and the Wyld , I will pay him back for every moment that she suffered … Sorry had to go for a moment to compose myself . Where was I ? The diner , right . Okay , so a pair of biker assholes came in halfway through our meal , made fools of themselves by hitting each other , and left the bar under threat of shotgun . Then , out of the kindness of her heart , Kayla offered us a free cabin stay over night . Which is where we are now , just settling down . Sure is shaping up to be a relaxing evening . Holy shit , where do I begin . So , almost immediately after I stopped writing last night , all hell broke loose . A gunshot rang out through the forest , and We dispersed to check it out . Kaiden and the Theurge went into the Umbra to check things out from there , and I checked the back porch . A hunter had run up to the door , and was babbling that " something was coming . " Then , out of the forest streaked a shark - toothed mangy - looking horror from the deepest nightmares . It moved up to the hunter before I could even blink and was chowing down on his arm in seconds . I froze , for only a moment , and reached for the rage . I released it and went straight to Crinos without hesitation . From behind me leapt Oskar , and Stephen charged in too . Together we tore the thing to pieces . I immediately ran back to check on the hunter . He wasn 't doing well . He 'd more or less already bled out . I knew I was too late . I don 't really remember what happened after that . It 's all haze . Next I remember I was huddled against the couch , covered in blood , and the hunter was dead . From there , after a frantic sequence of events we came across a seriously wyrm - tainted shack . I went to the real world from the Umbra to perform a bit of recon . The shack was basically 5 pieces of cardboard attached to each other . The creatures inside , more tainted humans , saw me a screeched . Panicking , I went back to the Umbra and signaled the attack . In a haze of blood and gore we finished every last one of the monsters . And took back Lyla 's apparently missing parts . A spirit emerged from the wreckage of the shack after we 'd cleansed it and explained some things . I was happy to have my pack mates safe . Oh , everyone 's talking again . I 'll write more later . How could he do that ? That 's not him ! I don 't … I cant 't … He hated us , Mom and me ! He was never there when we needed him ! And even when he was here , he was absent , looking toward the road . Always for the next journey . They always meant more him than us , his other family , his pack . I don 't even know who they are ! I doubt mom did either … Why would he do this to me ! ? I 'm sorry , I 'm all over the place , let me explain . We were driving down the road in Lyla , having just rescued a lost pup that we had dubbed Pinecones , when we hit a spike strip . Lyla spun out and flipped and I fell unconscious for a few moments . When I came to , there were 4 vampires standing around the van and only Kaiden and I were awake . We attacked the first to charge us , nearly tearing him in half with a Wishbone maneuver . I went to finish him off , and about there things go a little hazy . I know I killed another of the four and Kaiden a third , but the details are fuzzy until suddenly there was a purple dust cloud or maybe a fog or mist of some kind surrounding us . As this happened , the fourth Vampire , some chick in crazy anime clothes , stopped suddenly as he head fell from her shoulders . It was him damnit ! I realized this as we fell deeply unconscious . What followed was a really bizarre , peaceful dream . We hunted a white stag as a pack , and each sort of found ourselves individually . It was a brief relief from the awful that preceded it . We awoke , after what I assume was maybe five or ten minutes , fully healed . My father was standing over us . He 'd saved us again . But this time he 'd fucked up and missed Lyla and Pinecones . I … I … Told him to find them and meet us at the sept of the Winter Wolf . I was angry then , now I don 't know how I feel . We made it to the sept of the winter wolf , with only a minor delay that ended up being a turn for the best as it allowed us to gain easy access into the sept . Then , we told them what had happened to their pups , that it had been us who had killed them . But then … Then my father spoke up for us , taking the blame in such a way that any protestations on my part would be useless … he claimed fathership . I … I don 't know what to think anymore . So that 's where I am . Dad 's gone now . He left again , but it was my fault … My fuck - up that forced him to leave . I don 't have any family left . And I 'm finally realizing how wrong I was to blame him for what happened . It 's like the foundation of hate that I 've built up over the past year is suddenly vanished leaving me falling . I have all this pent up anger , and nowhere to point it … But at myself . Where do I start … . . let 's go with the warehouse . Wait no let 's start with the few weeks before the warehouse . I 'm a werewolf … I kid you not I 've got claws , fangs and fur . It so rocks . While it did until the warehouse . I got kidnapped but they meant well . I followed all the rules of my kidnapping 101 classes until I figured out they weren 't humans … . it worked out . Until we ended up lost in the park being chase by angry wolves . Then went over a moon bridge to Canada . It didn 't go so well there . Apparently , someone went about murdering their pups from our side of the lines . The pack was kind enough to let us leave in peace . Since we had absolutely nothing to do with the murders . I fell horrible though … their pups couldn 't be any older than us and someone just lost their children for good . The only problem with this … is CANADA IS REALLY FLIPPIN ' COLD ! So then I ended wandering into the wilderness and getting use to my four pawed form . I realized pretty quick that no one was stepping up to make the decisions so I followed my father 's advice . " Calliope , when no one makes the hard choices then lots of people get hurt , " he 'd puff his pipe , " So when you see the decision make it because at least you tried to help then . " I picked a direction and we headed that way , the girls have really good ideas but no focus . OH , best thing ever happened in the middle of the woods . We stumbled into a hot springs episode . All it was missing was the slightly awkward love interest who accidentally sees you naked and then you have a heartfelt conversation over the privacy wall . So I 'm lost in the middle of the woods , really close to the enemy camp and all I can think is ' I 'm totally the chosen one ' . This is so awesome . So … where do I even start . I guess from when the crazy began . So there I was , comfortable at home in the subway systems , licking my wounds if you would from days before . You know , the whole finding out your a werewolf and breaking up with your boyfriend cause he was an ass thing . Yeah , not fun times . The boyfriend thing seems almost pointless by now . I mean , come on , I found out I am a FUCKING WEREWOLF ! What do you do with that ? And that half the people down below with me are too , or " kin " or something , I don 't get it still . Anywho , so that all happened , and I was laying on my bed when all of the sudden the world goes dark because I have a bag over my head that smells really weird and I pass out . I wake up in a warehouse with 4 other chicks . One of them is Cane . She seems pretty cool , a little hippy , a little " you know like totally " some times , but over all cool . And there is Sina there two . She is pretty quiet . I am not quite thinking she is shy , I think it is more she is the type that says only things that are needed to be said . But I can work with that , it means she is not running her mouth or something drama bitch like a lot of girls are , so I can chill with her . Then there is Calliope … I am still trying to figure her out . She took apart our radio out of boredom but it wasn 't necessarily broken . Chick is smart , and has a plan , which I can appreciate cause most of us don 't know where to start . Give me a direction and I can make sure we all get there , but she knows which direction to point first . She a little quiet too , well correction . She is distant , but I think we will work just fine together in the long run and who knows , maybe even become friends or something . And last there is Valentine … Ok , I feel a little bad for her . She is getting a bum wrap . So apparently it is really bad that both of her parents were Werewolves . I mean , it is in the litany and everything . She doesn 't have a tail because of it , but whatever . I knew a guy who only had 3 fingers and half an ear because of " The WaSo we are in the warehouse for a week , right , and we are bored out of our FUCKING MINDS ! ! ! ! ! I mean there was NOTHING TO DO and bitches can only stay together like that so long before someone starts going crazy . So just as we were about to crack the door opens up and this really old lady walks through . She is the head of the Sept of the Green and really important in the Tribe of Bonegnawers . So basically , we don 't mess with her if we want to live . She tells us we are going to go through our initiation if we would to be part of werewolf society … and that it isn 't an option . I don 't know how I feel about that . It isn 't like I have a problem being a werewolf , not in the way that some people do , it is just … it is still odd , you know . I am not me when I am in wolf form . I don 't look like me , I don 't feel like me , I am someone … no … someTHING else when I am the wolf , and I am just not use to it yet . I guess I will be at some point , but until then , I am just not comfortable with it . So she takes us to Central Park . I love it here , get a lot of good work here , lot of easy targets . Tourist come though , loose pockets , gullible and trusting , and you know , those are the nights you eat well . So we go to where there are a lot of trees and all these other wolves start howling at us . Not going to lie , kinda scared the shit out of me . So we ran to … well , the thing is called a Moon Bridge . I couldn 't make this shit up even if I wanted too . So we cross the Moon Bridge and BANG , we are in Canada , eh . And it is FUCKING COLD AS A WITCH TIT ! I MEAN GOD DAMN IT ! Couldn 't we have done this , oh , I don 't know , the summer or spring or anything thing but this ? But , what ever . We are here now . So we get there , and we get greeted by this native american . He is really nice , but at this point everything feels like a trap . I don 't trust anything . So they give us stew and I don 't eat it , and it is hard to sleep , and I am not going to lie I am just paranoid . After that we go to meet the Sept of the Winter Wolf . And that is when the Shit hits the fan . Apparently some of the Sept of the Green killed their pups . Like people , teenagers , like us , the people who sent us here killed them ! Needless to say they were not happy to see us . So they " politely escorted " us away and we got the fuck out of there . So now … here we are … in the woods … trying to survive in the cold with no supplies or anything … yeah , still debating on how awesome this werewolf thing is suppose to be … First of all , I got kidnapped . But it wasn 't , like , a bad kidnapping . It was the city wolves I think . I forgot what their tribe is called ( but I know I 'm supposed to respect them ! ) , but yeah , they were kidnapping me and a few other pups for our initiation . One minute I had a bag over my head , the next I was waking up in a warehouse with my fellow rites - of - passage - ites . I didn 't even get a chance to visit Rockefeller Center first … So anyway , we were stuck in the warehouse for a long time . I tried to get to know my new best friends ( or I guess allies since friendship means forming attachments , right ? ) , but some of them were kind of quiet and didn 't want anything to do with me . I think they 're just shy . I tried some singing for them once our radio was taken apart . That was done by the Philodox , Calliope . I think she was bored . But yeah , we were being guarded by some bigger werewolves . I think they were Ahroun like me , but somehow they seemed a little scarier . Maybe I 'll seem scarier too when I finish my initiation ? I don 't know if I want to though . Need to control the rage and all that , you know ? So these guards wouldn 't let us leave the warehouse for a long time , and finally this awesome old lady came in and made some comments about us . They were quite clever and I think some of them were hidden compliments . The lady led us out into the woods after offering us soup sandwiches ( which she never payed up on ) , but then kind of disappeared . She was very fast for her age , I 'll give her that . Then , as we were trying to figure out where to go , we got attacked by other werewolves . We ran from them and managed to escape into a Moon Bridge . That led us into a really cold , snowy area . The cold was kind of nostalgic and bracing at first , but then it was just too much . Thankfully this guy showed up and showed us to a cave where we could rest . There was even stew ! That 's close to soup ! After that we got to sleep for a while , which was really nice , though I did have a trippy dream about Valentine , one of my … I guess pack mates now ? It turns out she 's a Metis , and she 's been treated so horribly because of it . I didn 't know how looked down on they were from some other tribes . I always thought a Metis was just part of our balance , you know ? I hugged her when we woke up and I hope she knows that she is not hated by her pack . We went outside after , but something was wrong . From what I got of it all , there were some other pups from the tribe we were at right now ( I 'm pretty sure Wendigo ) who were on their Rite of Passage like us . But they got killed somehow , and I think it was by the tribe that had kidnapped us so that we were kind of a part of now too ? I need to remember the name of the city wolves … not the fancy ones , but the more ruggedly ones . But anyway , there was a terrible tragedy , and I think the two tribes are going to go to war for it … because of this , the Wendigo weren 't going to perform our Rite of Passage , and instead banished us into the snowy wilderness . We weren 't going to cause any more trouble than we were already in , so we headed off . After we got far enough away , we realized it was too cold to go on as Homids , so we turned Lupus . I tied my clothes to my shoulders and leg first , and Calliope did the same , but somehow the others were able to transform without doing that , and their clothes kind of just … disappeared . Talk about some kind of magic ; I wonder how they did that ! Anyway , we traveled for a long time and it was really cold and we finally needed to stop to rest . We managed to find food and I tried doing this awesome thing I 'd seen some of my fellow Stargazers do before where you just transform your front legs into human arms . I was able to make a fire and prepare the food that way . Then later , we had some amazing luck where we accidentally stumbled into the spirit world , but there was a hot spring there ! I turned human again and it was so warm and comfortable . We stayed there for a while . Then finally , we managed to find another werewolf group . We don 't know who they are yet , but we 're hoping they won 't hate us and will be willing to help us and maybe even perform our Rite of Passage for us ? So yeah , that 's all that 's happened so far ! How am I writing this if I am currently standing in the wilderness waiting to see what will happen ? Well I 'm not , actually . I 'm just writing this all in my head and will put it on paper when I get the chance to send it to you all ! How 's that for wisdom ? Oh boy have I done it this time . This is the one free moment that I 'll have probably for the next few weeks so I 'm taking it to write you this letter . I hope that it gets to you alright because these words may be my last . I want you to know , that above all else I love you . You guys have always been there for me and I want you to know that it is what keeps me going . I think this time I went too far though . This is my side of the story . This all started about a day ago . We were just coming out of the week of fasting and ritual preparation for out Rite of Passage that Mother Larissa was putting us through . She summoned us in a rather unusual but completely obvious way and so the five of us followed her into the Sept . We made out way through a forest known as the tangle but we were hard pressed to keep up with her . I don 't know what it was about the way she moved , but she seemed to slip to and from the shadows . We lost her , but not long after that as we argued amongst ourselves about what to do I noticed footsteps running through the bush . A man burst into our clearing so I did my best to stay hidden from sight but as we were to find out later he was already suffering from the delirium . Yeah , I still have trouble controlling it . I 'm working on it . That 's not the point , its what he was running from that is where things get hairy . The man was screaming madly and shouting something about ' They 're out to get me ! ' and ' What is going on ? ! ' . A guy name Leviticus , Levi for short , was trying to talk him down . We all looked at each other but no one knew what to do . Before we could come to a consensus 5 hispo jumped out from the darkness , their white fur shining in the moonlight and their red eyes fixed on our throats . Levi and I introduced ourselves and told them we were from the Sept of the Green , but they would not listen . They jumped at us . I managed to dodge the first one but a second tore up my leg pretty badly . We fought for a few minutes and eventually we got the upper hand and finished them off . We didn 't have much time to think before a great bat - winged beast swooped down and grabbed the man from our hands . The five of us did our best to follow it through the trees when all of a sudden Kaldun , Races the Dark appears in the night sky and dispatches it with seemingly practiced effort . When the man was safe we told Kaldun - Rhya what had happened and then he told us what had happened . We all took a moment of silence to mourn the lives of the five pups we killed earlier that night . They were Wendigo pups on their Rite of Passage . We didn 't know , I swear and they gave our words not heed before they attacked us . Still , what we did was unforgivable . I fear that my actions may incite another fight amongst our tribes . It is worse than bad . Now we follow the words of Akelon - Rhya , an honored name around the Sept of the Green . We are leaving for Canada in a matter of minutes . Once Stephen gets out of the bathroom really . Oh shit there he is . Tell mom I love her and make her smile for me . I really don 't know how to start so I 'll just jump right into it . My name is Kaiden Reid . I 'm 17 years old , I live in my grandparents loft ( mostly by myself I might add . . ) and I attend NYU . There I am a full time student which I have to balance with , eating , partying , and general waywardness . Oh , and I am a werewolf . So that has something to do with all of this stress I seem to be swimming in . Which is in part why I am writing this journal . I talked with Larissa the other day about my problem and she said that sometimes for those of my auspice writing or other creative activities can help to keep my temper when things get rough . So here I am … There is a story that my mom always used to tell me when I was a kid . There once was an older man set in his ways and content to live by himself for the rest of his years . One day he was outside near the road planting the seeds of a tree in the dirt when along came three fine young comrades , my mom 's words not mine . They said to the man , " You are foolish to be planting such a tree , for the fruit will not grow before you expire . Why do you waste your time doing something that is of no use to yourself ? " To which the man replied , " The people before me provided for my happiness and it is my duty to provide happiness for those who come after me . Besides , who knows ? Perhaps you will die before me . " The comrades laughed at the man and called him a fool as they rode away . The old man 's words came true ; one of the young men went on a voyage at sea and drowned , another went to war and got shot , and the third fell from his roof and broke his neck . I think it means something along the line of " Life is never certain so help those around you " . She said that is was a story my grandfather used to tell her all of the time . I always thought he was crazy but they say that madness comes with a kind of clarity so maybe not everything that comes from his mouth is crazy . Speaking of my crazy grandfather I suppose that a kind of madness runs through our blood . More than most I mean . My lineage boasts a member of the IRA , those radical revolutionaries from Patriot Games . Car bombings , theft , and assassination were all part of his repertoire and he still found time to woo the ladies . Then there was the man who joined in the second World War . Finn I think his name was , anyways he earned his reputation as an assassin during the war . Those who fought with him tell me he was the best of men and that he deserved my respect for the things that he did . I guess that 's true , but he was never any good to me . He always told me he was disappointed in my father and that I should correct his mistakes . I never liked him much . Then there is the crazy one I was talking about before . I don 't exactly know what happened with him but every time he left our house he would pull me aside and tell me to watch my back . When I was a kid it frightened the bajeezus out of me , but I don 't think he really means anything by it . Like I said … crazy . Last but not least is my dad , hulking beast of a man who thought that wild animals would make for a great amusement park . It worked well until a kid went home with a river of blood flowing from his chest , but to be fair he should know better than to throw rocks at a wolf . What was his name , it was something boring like James , or Jones . I don 't know , I was only a kid when it happened so my memory is a little fuzzy . I guess the story kind of tells the truth though . Life is strange . It hands you all of these different things and you are supposed to find out what to do with all of them . My dad never knew that he was going to open up a wildlife reserve , heck he just wanted to make a few bucks , but for his efforts he has been rewarded . Now he has a TV show on Planet Animal and people call him " Irish Steve Irwin " . I 'm not trying to make light of his struggles . It can be pretty hard sometimes , downright scary at others . I didn 't know if that kid was going to live through that . But my father has worked hard to help protect the world 's wildlife , and he has shown me a few of his skills , so I guess that he has provided happiness for me . Maybe I 'm too young to give anything back yet . Mother Larissa says that I 'm not a real werewolf until I go through the rite of passage , or at least that 's the message that I get from her . Maybe that 's true but I figure now is a better time to start trying than later .
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I 'm just letting you know . . . you might want to skip this post . It 's just a random slice of our every day life . Nothing too exciting went on this weekend . After Rhodie 's rough day on Friday . . . Holly said that Saturday was much better . Rhodie 's other grandparents came over yesterday , but then Holly , Aaron , and Rhodie came over to visit us last night . Rhodes was smiley and happy . At one point , Clark was holding him . . . and he spit up all down Clark 's bare back ( he wasn 't wearing a shirt ) , all down the back of his shorts , down his left calf . . . and made a small puddle on the floor . This morning , Holly and Aaron - the - son - in - law took Rhodie to church . He went to their Sunday School class with them . Holly said that he got a little fussy , because it was his eatin ' time . . . but he calmed down after that . Apparently , they had to leave their small group twice . . . once to change a diaper , and once for her to nurse , but I still think it was a success . I mean , they got there on time . . . and " didn 't nobody die . " When I got to the lobby , I saw Holly and Aaron surrounded by a bunch of people . They were all " oooing " and " ahhhing " over Rhodie . Holly looked at me and said , " I 'm coming ! " She was headed to the choir room , so that everyone could see Rhodes . After church , we came home and ate re - runs ( what Joshua calls " left - overs " ) from the frig . We call it FFYS : Fend For YourSelf . After lunch , Jim settled in with his newspaper , I settled in my chair , Joshua settled upstairs watching a movie , and Clark settled down for a short summer 's nap . After ' while , Holly and Aaron came over with the baby . . . and we had fun hanging out here . Aaron and Clark got in the pool , and when Jim and Joshua got home from the gym . . . they got in with them . Holly and I stayed inside with Rhodes . Yesterday , I went over to Holly 's house , and stayed most of the day . We always have these big plans that we are going to " do " something in her house : put up pictures , things on the wall , paint something . Instead , we ate lunch , and she fed Rhodes . . . and then I held him while she took a shower , and we watched two episodes of Downton Abbey . We are very late to the party , I realize , but for the past TWO summers , we 've been saying that we were going to start watching it . . . but we never did . I finally got out the DVDs I had bought , and we started watching them early in the summer . I thought it might be a good distraction for her while she waited for Rhodie to be born . I didn 't like the first episode at all , but I decided to watch the next one . . . and the series has grown on me . We just finished Season 2 yesterday , and I 'm excited to watch Season 3 . There are just SO MANY CHARACTERS to keep up with . . . and I 'm having the hardest time with the accents . Several times I 'll look over at Holly , and ask , " what 'd they say ? " And we 'll wind it back until we figure it out . We 've figured out that it 's the music at the beginning of the show . It lulls her to sleep like a tranquilizer . Even yesterday , she was lying on the couch . . . looking like she was asleep . She finally said , " I don 't know what it is , but I cannot keep my eyes open . . . but I 've been listening to it . " When we got home , we decided to order Chinese food for dinner . We invited Holly and Aaron - the - son - in - law over . Aaron doesn 't like Chinese food , but Holly LOVES it . He ended up getting his own dinner somewhere , and met her here at our house . Jim was off today , so I thought we might make our big " Saturday style " breakfast . . . since Logan and Morgan would be heading down to her parents , to spend tonight and tomorrow with them . He said , " well , I wasn 't really planning on cooking a big breakfast today . " I asked , " why not ? " He said , " because I had eggs yesterday . " Well , we made our big breakfast . . . and then Jim and I ate together , because everyone else was still asleep . I called and invited Holly and Rhodie to come over . . . and they did . They stayed over here all day . Rhodie had a rough day . Not a bad day . . . he just wasn 't himself . He was extremely fussy , which made Holly concerned that something was wrong with him . He didn 't feel warm or anything , and he ate and went potty regularly . He was just not content . Holly felt terrible . . . like something she had eaten had affected him . I assured her that babies are a lot like us : there are days when we just feel " blah , " and we can 't really put our finger on WHY . He is still the sweetest thing . . . it just broke our hearts to see him so upset . Usually , you can hold him a certain way , or do certain things that will calm him down . Not today . Or , not for very long . It was just very uncharacteristic of him , because he 's usually pretty happy . He is 6 weeks old today . I got up early , and did some laundry . . . stuff like that . I started to get ready . I did my hair and make - up , but kept my pajammies on . Clark has these black shelves that fit in the corner . They go almost up to the ceiling . I took everything off of them , and piled it all on Clark 's bed . Then , I carefully pulled the shelves out away from the wall . . . about 3 feet . . . and painted the wall behind them . I thought I would start at the top . . . and go to the bottom . Problem is . . . I 'm short , and can 't reach the top . And EVEN THO THE LADDER WAS RIGHT THERE IN THE ROOM , I didn 't even THINK about using it . Instead , I put one foot on Clark 's bed . . . and then I hopped up to put my other foot on the already rickety shelves . . . and stood there until I got my balance . All of a sudden , I heard a crack . . . and I felt searing pain in my head . Apparently I had forgotten that I had turned the ceiling fan on for air - circulation . . . and it is what hit my head . Hence the CRACK sound . I came downstairs and I seriously wanted to cry . Like , ugly cry . But two of my friends were coming to take me out for lunch , and they are always all put together . . . and even tho they wouldn 't judge me if I had streaks all down my face , and puffy red eyes . . . I didn 't want them to see me like that . So , I filled up a Ziplock bag with ice , and sat in my chair . . . and , despite my best efforts , tears spilled down my cheeks . I took some Motrin . After about 20 minutes , I went and put on my clothes , and then went to take Joshua to stay at Holly 's house for a while . And , honestly . . . and I couldn 't believe this , either . . . but after about 5 minutes of holding my Holly 's baby . . . my head felt a LOT better . " The LORD is my light and my salvation - so why should I be afraid ? The LORD is my fortress , protecting me from danger , so why should I tremble ? " Psalm 27 : 1 Joshua went with me . We walked in , and there was only ONE customer in there . I know , right ? It 's a miracle . Even Joshua goes , " WHOA . " I got a really nice clerk . She asked me if I still wanted to be an organ donor ( yes ! ) . She asked me to confirm our address . She asked me how tall I was . BUT THEN . . . she asked how much I weighed , and y ' all ? I did not bat an eye as I lied responded , " 115 lbs . " The clerk next to her had to take over . She asked me what happened to set her friend off , so I told her what I 'd said . She looked at me over her glasses , and said , " it don 't matter to us what you say you weigh , ma ' am , but be prepared . . . if you go missing , the poh - lice will be looking for a skinny , white girl . " I spent almost the whole day with Holly and Rhodie . I love them both so much . And Joshua . . . can 't forget Joshua . He 's almost always with me , and he makes every day better . : ) And Jim . . . he came home from work early , to hang out with us . The BEST thing that happened today was that my sister , Leanne , and her 4 kids , came to see me ! Well . . . actually , they came to see Rhodie . . . but whatever . It 's my birthday ! : ) Leanne said they had a rare 3 day window , when all 4 kids were free . . . so they drove up to see my Dad . . . and then went to St . Louis for 2 days . One of my niece 's friends was in a show up there . On their way back , they stopped to see Logan and Morgan for lunch . . . and then they drove here . They were all anxious to see the baby . That 's the way it was today . Only , instead of it being 100 degrees , it was mid - 90 's , and I could really tell a difference . I mean , bring out the parkas , right ? Joshua and I went over to Holly 's house this morning , and we stayed all day . I went to the grocery for both of us . . . and I picked up lunch . I got to hold and rock the baby . . . and I helped Holly put some things on her walls . We headed home at dinnertime . When we got in my car , which had been parked out in Holly 's driveway all day , it was 102 degrees . . . but that 's better than the 109 it was one day last week . Ha . I worked some in Clark 's room today . It is a MESS up there . I started the re - do project while he was on his trip to East Asia . He was gone 3 weeks , and so I had planned to start and finish it in that amount of time . I mean , that seems reasonable , right ? But then Holly and Aaron - the - son - in - law bought a new house , and my time was spent packing up things at their house and helping them move . Not complaining at all , but Clark 's room re - do was moved to the back - burner . I talked to him about it , because I felt bad . He said , in his best over - exaggerated country drawl , " don 't even worry yourself about it , Momma . . . it is NOT a big deal . " Just working on it this morning , and then again tonight . . . has made a huge difference . I just have one small patch of his wall left to paint , and then that part is DONE . I have already bought the bedding and curtains . I plan on painting his shelves and a desk . I have things ordered to go on his walls , but they haven 't come in yet . Also ? This election year is about to wear . me . down . I 'm about to vote for anyone in any party who will place a term - limit on the amount of campaign time the candidates can have . Like , limit it to 60 days or something . I am over it . I am so thankful to live in a country where we are free to talk and debate and campaign and VOTE . I used to get all riled up if " my " candidate or " my " party didn 't get in the White House , and then my Dad very calmly told me that that was the American Way . And to be thankful . I 'm also thankful that this world is not my home . Presidents and other elected officials will come and go . . . but it will not change my destiny . My hope is in Jesus , and my HOME is in Heaven . " In my Father 's house are many mansions : if it were not so , I would have told you . I go to prepare a place for you . " John 14 : 2 I know it 's summer , and I don 't really want to complain about it . We usually have 4 distinct seasons in Arkansas . . . but summer came on with a vengeance . And in JULY , of all times . Makes me kinda scared for August ! Fortunately , we have been able to stay close to home . Joshua 's Therapeutic Recreation group is not meeting again until the Fall . Oh , they are having their annual pool party , but that 's not til mid - August . Clark 's summer job is over , so I don 't have to worry about him getting stuck in a traffic jam on the way home . . . in this heat . We have enjoyed having him here . . . hanging out here , helping out with the baby . This week , he is working a church camp at his college . He is so excited about it . We 'll see how excited he is after he 's with 3rd - 6th graders all week . Ha ! I love to see my kids serving God by serving others . Whether it 's singing in the choir , helping out in the nursery , being the greeters at church , taking the offering . . . or working a church camp . it blesses my heart . We stayed here all weekend . We went out for dinner on Saturday night , and Jim said it was the first time we 've been out for dinner as a family in a WHILE . I told him that if he had offered to pick something up for us . . . I would 've been fine with staying at home . The heat just drains us all . . . and makes us all irritable . So we try to stay NOT - irritable . . . and just don 't get out in it too much if we don 't have to . If I have errands , I try to get them all done in the mornings , so we can settle in here for the rest of the day . We had a good crowd in our small group today . One of the girls in our class brought her TWO WEEK OLD BABY with her this morning . When we got home , I was telling Holly about it . Rhodie is 5 weeks , and still has barely left the house . . . which is awesome ! She couldn 't get past the fact that someone would bring a 2 week old baby to church . . . but I got to hold her , so it 's all GOOD . : ) I made chicken ' n ' dumplin 's for dinner tonight , which is not really a " summertime " dish . I typically make it in the Fall and Winter , but it was Clark 's request before he leaves for church camp . It was good ! I noticed it over this last year . When Joshua would unload the dishwasher , there were a lot of things that he just didn 't put away . I took it as he either wasn 't sure where those things went . . . or he couldn 't reach the shelf where they were supposed to go . The boys noticed it first . Because Joshua would leave glasses and bowls out on the counter , but not JUST on the counter . He would stack them ON and AROUND the blender . Finally , after intentional observations , and talks with Joshua , we have figured out that he does not like it when Clark makes smoothies . I don 't know if it 's Clark getting all the things together for his smoothie , talking about what he 's going to put into his smoothie , and then actually loading those things into the blender . . . because that process would drive the Pope to drink . It 's quite long , and Clark is typically quite animated . . . and the boy can talk the ears off a billy - goat ( even if the billy - goat is not in the room ) ! One day , I asked Clark to offer Joshua a small glass of his smoothie . . . thinking that if Joshua could taste it , and see the yummy goodness that comes from the blender , it might change his behavior . Joshua drank it , and he LOVED it . He said , " I don 't know why I don 't like the blender . . . this is GOOD ! " So , I thought we were over it . Typically , if we call Joshua out on a behavior like this , he will see how silly it is . . . and stop it . And he DID stop it . . . for a bit . Around lunch time , we decided to go over to Holly 's , and help out with the baby . Clark got into the car with a large glass of smoothie . He said , " will you hold this for 2 seconds ? " Well , I asked Joshua if he wanted to try it , and he said , " yes . " And then he proceeded to drink SEVERAL big gulps of it before Clark got back in the car . The first thing they had us do was to strip him down so they could weigh him . Yesterday , Holly and I were guessing how much he would weigh at his appointment today . Holly guessed around 10 pounds , and I guessed 10 . 8 . And Holly and I went nuts . We were squealing , and " OH MY WORD " - ing , and saying , " yay , Rhodie ! " We were ooo - ing and ahhh - ing over him , and I was taking pictures of him like he was a Kardashian ( bad example , I know . . . but you get my drift ) . They also measured his length . . . and the circumference of his head . He 's in the 93 % in weight , 53 % in length . . . and 98 % in head circumference ! Holly said , " well , that runs in the family . . . I have a big head . I always told her it meant she had LOTS OF BRAINS . But then , it was time for the dreaded 1 month shot . Holly had worked herself into a frenzy about it . She broke out into a sweat . . . so worried about how Rhodie would react . . . and sad that he would EVER feel pain . Things like , how thankful I am for modern medicine ; for doctors and tests and monitoring . Holly is a nurse for the sickest , tiniest littles in the NICU . Now that she 's a mom herself , I know that , when she goes back to work , she will be even more compassionate to the parents she has to deal with on a daily basis . I am thankful to see her using her gifts to help others . I was so thankful Holly asked me to accompany her to the doctor with Rhodie today . Sometimes it just helps to have that extra pair of hands . I thought of the wife of one of those slain Baton Rouge police officers . That young widow now has a 4 month old baby to raise by herself . Lots of milestones to meet , lots of birthdays . . . and ballgames , lots of trips to the zoo , lots of " first " days : first tooth , first steps , first day of school . . . lots of morning snuggles , and lots of doctor 's appointments , that she will now have to experience by herself . Joshua 's Therapeutic Recreation group is taking a break until the Fall semester . Honestly , his antics with his group of FRIENDS is where I get a lot of my " material . " HA ! Just kidding . Joshua is a structure - loving , schedule - making , routine - following kind - of - guy . So , summer kind of freaks him out . We are trying to keep some sort of consistency to each day , while also being flexible . We have a wittle baby in our family now , and we are spending as much time as we can , soaking up the love . We told Holly that we will try to be available to help however we can , with whatever she needs . . . whether it 's holding the baby so that she can take a shower , helping her unpack things in their new house , or picking up things from the store . Joshua has " chores " he does at our house every day . He is always willing to help out . . . it 's just that sometimes the task is a little overwhelming for him . Today , I washed his sheets . After they were done , I put them on the stairs . . . intending to take them up later , and put them on his bed . When " later " came , I looked for the sheets , but couldn 't find them . I went upstairs to his room , and he had put them on his bed all by himself ! I know he knows HOW to do it . . . he helps me with that chore each week . It 's just that his bed is really difficult to put sheets on . . . his mattress kind of fits down into a frame . You have to reach your hand down , and lift up each corner . It 's hard for me , and I 've been doing it for years . Not gonna lie . . . I was impressed that he could do it all by himself ! One of the other ways Joshua serves our family , is by unloading the dishwasher . He does this consistently , quietly , and without fanfare . I know there 's just 3 of us now . . . 4 during the summer . . . but we sure seem to use a lot of dishes each day ! Especially with Clark here . That boy loves to make a mess in the kitchen cook . And by " celebrated , " I mean that we went to church . . . but he stayed home with his parents . And we came home and had lunch . . . and he stayed home with his parents . BUT , then they came over , and his dad played in the pool with Joshua and Clark . . . and Holly and I stayed inside with Rhodie . I got to rock him back and forth , back and forth , back and forth . . . and as I rocked him , I said , " I love you forever , I 'll like you for always . As long as I 'm living . . . " It was a great day . . . except for the fact that Jim missed it , because of work . . . because of the storms we had last week in our state . In situations like the one we had last Thursday , his company cancels all days off , weekends off , birthday holidays off , etc . It 's " all hands on deck , Granger . " Joshua , Clark , and Aaron - the - son - in - law played outside in the pooah ( how Joshua pronounces the word : POOL ) for a couple of hours . That 's like a world record for Joshua . He is such a planner that he has something scheduled for every minute of every day . . . even if it 's just something like " come downstairs and hang out with Mom . " He . plans . everything . Anyway , I sure enjoyed the day . I had signed up to bring food to a new mommy in our small group . I specifically chose Sunday , so that Jim and I could take it together . But Clark filled in JUST FINE . We got to see a teeny - tiny baby girl . Rhodes made two of her . . . and I think he 's wittle ! I can 't believe Rhodes is one month old ! This month has flown by . . . it seems like he 's been with us forever . He has brought much joy to our family , and we are so thankful for him . Where we live , we got some wind and rain . . . but nothing major . But other areas were hit really hard , and sustained a lot of damage . Many are without power , and my heart aches for all of them . We 've been there . Oh yes , we have . My husband works for the largest utility company in our state . He was out - of - town all last week . He came home for a long weekend , but had to leave again in a matter of hours . . . for work . He 's not a lineman . . . one of those who does the actual physical work involving trucks and ladders and poles and wires . We have great respect for them . I understand that people are hot and frustrated . . . I do . Storms rarely happen on a cool Fall day . It 's either an ice storm when it 's freezing cold . . . or severe weather in the blazing , hot summer . There 's never a convenient time . But the people who are out working in this weather ? They are awesome . Yes , it 's their job . . . but as hot as you are in your home without power , they are even hotter out working in the elements . Or colder , if it 's in the winter . There are rules and regulations about how much they can work . They can work 16 hours , but then they are REQUIRED to rest 8 hours . Unfortunately , some of these storms happened at the end of a shift , which meant they only had a few more hours they could legally work on that first day . I just can 't get over the ANGER that is being directed toward the utility companies and the employees . I 'm talking Facebook RANTS . I 'm talking people FOLLOWING utility trucks and berating the linemen for not working in their neighborhoods . People counting the number of utility trucks at restaurants . People are reporting that they have someone with special needs in their home , and it 's hot . Or there 's a member of their family who needs oxygen or other equipment to sustain or enhance their lives . The utility companies will tell you that if you have someone with a dire medical need or condition , and your power goes out . . . if you don 't have a generator to help , you need to get them to medical care . Go to the ER if you need to . We can 't realistically expect other people / organizations to take care of our loved ones . We have to take care of our own families . Several years ago , Jim had to go to a town in the southern part of Louisiana . They 'd been hit with a tornado , and subsequent flooding . Restoration was more than just hooking up fallen wires . . . it required new poles , because the old ones were snapped in half by the wind . It took a long time , and tempers were flaring . Jim was working at a " customer care center , " and they had to call the police to post up in there during the hours of operation , because they were being threatened . I don 't think everyone understands that the people who are working hard to restore power ? They left their own families to serve ours . Their own homes may be without power . They are missing vacations , ballgames , birthday celebrations , and other family events . . . . in order to help out the people of our state . Days off have been canceled until all the power is back on . They are working as hard as they can . We are safe . Today , there have been annoyances , both big and small , for all of us . But today , no one has shot at my children , or tried to run over my family with a truck . " Dear brothers and sisters , when troubles of any kind come your way , consider it an opportunity for great joy . For you know that when your faith is tested , your endurance has a chance to grow . So let it grow , for when your endurance is fully developed , you will be perfect and complete , needing nothing . " James 1 : 2 - 4 I don 't even remember those days with Joshua . It 's like I told Holly . . . my Mom came after he was born , and she stayed 1 week . And then she was gone . And it was just me . But that situation was a little different . Joshua was back in the hospital at 1 week of age . . . and then at one month of age . . . and then had his open - heart ( open chest ) surgery when he was 3 months old . And during that time , and between all of those times , if I needed to go to the store , I just . . . went . Holly is a first - time Mom , and she 'll have to learn to do it . . . just like the rest of us all learned to do it . It takes practice , patience , and planning . I told her today , that she also had to be flexible . She had to be able to change her plans at a moment 's notice . She had to be willing to walk out of a store . . . just walk out . Even if she had a full cart of groceries . Even if they were out of milk and bread and diapers . Even if they wouldn 't have what they needed for the next day . Holly wanted to go to Hobby Lobby . She figured there wouldn 't really be too many people there , especially if we went early , and that it would be a good , easy place to go for his first outing . Hobby Lobby is cool , but it 's not like Target or The Wal - Marks . . . in terms of crowds . But Rhodie wasn 't having it . She put him in that thing , and he was not happy about it AT ALL . He started wailing , and then he got HOT . I told her to just take him out of it and hold him . She did , and he liked it . We only stayed at Hobby Lobby for about 20 minutes , but I 'm calling it a successful trip . Rhodie proved his point , which was : don 't put me down in that sweat trap . And Holly proved to herself that she could get out with him . Every summer , Joshua 's Therapeutic Recreation group has a " summer camp . " It 's a day camp for 6 weeks . The " kid " group ( ages 8 - 18 ) go 5 days / week , but the " adult " group goes 3 days / week . . . for 6 weeks . Joshua missed the first week of TR summer camp , because he was gone to Camp Barnabas . But then he came back , and jumped right into the TR summer activities . After the very FIRST day back . . . on the way home in the car . . . he started the countdown to when it would end : " Uhhh . . . after this week , I only have 4 weeks of summer camp left . " So , today was the last day of the summer term . Joshua was both excited AND sad . He told me over and over that he was " ready for a break . " Maybe he is , but I think it 's what he has to tell himself to get him through until the Fall term starts . And it 's no longer " cool " to just be called " Grandma . " UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE . Many people tie that name to an older family member , and they don 't want to feel like they are " old , " just because they have a grandchild . So they , some of my friends , want to be called something else . . . something " younger " sounding . My Mom was going to be " Nammaw Betty . " When Joshua was little , she had this stuffed toy parrot that she used when she played with Joshua . She would hide it behind her back , and then pop it out in front of him and say , " ahhhhhhhhhhh . . . BOO ! " And Joshua would lay - uff and lay - uff . As time went on , everyone kept asking about what my grandma name was going to be . " Moose " would be the logical choice , because that 's what Jim , and the rest of my family call me . . . but that doesn 't sound very " grandmotherly , " does it ? Holly suggested I could be " MOOSIE , " which is adorbs , but I can 't imagine my grandson , at 13 , telling his friends that he has to go to Sunday lunch with his MOOSIE . I realllllllllly wanted to be Honey . . . or Lovie . . . or Sweetie . Something like that . But , let 's be real . When you 've been called , " MOOSE " for most of your life , it 's gonna be hard to pull off a really " sweet " name . The other day , I was asked about my grandma name again , and , AGAIN . I said that I didn 't have one , but that I was " open to suggestions . " And then my friends started giving me suggestions . " How about , Grammy ? " No . I have a couple of friends named , Amy , and they already have their grandma names . . . even tho they don 't have grandchildren . They are going to be Mayme ( pronounced may - mee ) . Isn 't that so , so cute ? A couple of months ago , I ran into a friend at The Academy Sports . We started talking about my upcoming " Grandmotherhood , " and she started asking me about my grandma name . I told her I didn 't have one , and that I didn 't realize it was such a huge deal . I said , " what is it ? " This girl 's name is Martha , just like my " given " name is Martha . I thought she might have THE name for me . Speaking of ME , Holly suggested the name Emmie , after my initials , M . E . That 's cute , right ? I was pretty much set to go with Emmie , even tho I don 't really FEEL like an Emmie . It 's just such a cute name . When they got home , they were gushing about how cuuuuuuuuuuuuuute the puppies were , trying to convince Jim and I that we neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeded one ( or two ) of them . Clark said , " we got to see the puppy 's mother , too , and she was really sweet . Her name was Millie . " I cleaned out my pantry this morning , which was a HUGE deal . It was a hot mess ! I still have more to do , but it looks much better already . I intended to finish painting up in Clark 's room this morning . I just have two small patches left to do , and then I am going to try and put his room all back together . I have some of those Rubbermaid tubs out in the garage , and I was going to take them up to Clark 's room , and kind of organize all of his college stuff while he is at work . He sees no need to organize ANYTHING , hence me doing it while he 's at work . But , Holly called to say she was coming over with the baby . She said he had been up most of the night . I told her that Joshua and I would come over there and hold him , so she could get a nap . . . or she could come here . She said she wanted to get out of her house , so she came here . We hung out and talked until it was time for Rhodie to eat . Maggie , our geriatric Lab , started pawing at the back door . I went to " talk " to her , to make sure she was okay . . . and , when I opened the door , she about PLOWED ME OVER getting into the house . I put her out in the garage . Thank you , neighbor - boys . I 'm not trying to be a sourpuss or anything . I know about boys . I have 3 of my own . . . and a husband . I know they like to be loud , and play with fire , and blow things up . I just have one question . . . I did not do anymore laundry . I did not reload my dishwasher , or finish cleaning my kitchen . I did not finish painting in Clark 's room . I did not clean any of the bathrooms ( altho . . . let me be real here : that wasn 't going to happen today , anyway . Ha ! ) . I did not dust any furniture , or vacuum any floors . " Can a woman forget her baby who nurses at her breast ? Can she withhold compassion from the child she has borne ? Even if mothers were to forget , I could never forget you ! " Isaiah 49 : 15 We 've had a good weekend . Our daughter , Holly , and our sweet , baby grandson , Rhodes , came over on Friday afternoon . It was their first " outing , " just the two of them , and Holly was exhausted by the time they got here . She did GREAT . I remember being nervous my first time out with my first baby . But they made it just fine , and I got some serious snuggle time with Rhodie while they were here , which was AWESOME . On Saturday morning , Jim and Clark took their kayaks out to a lake . . . or maybe it was a river . I don 't know . All I DO know is : Saturday . . . crack of dawn . . . crashing around . . . second weekend in a row . Momma ain 't happy . Mid - morning , Holly texted to see if I would mind coming over to hold Rhodie , while she took a shower . Aaron - the - son - in - law had gone to the grocery . They were hosting 7 of his family members for lunch , and she was a little stressed out . I hollered up to Joshua , and the two of us bugged out in 5 minutes FLAT . I got to hold Rhodes , and was able to help her straighten up a little . . . while Aaron got everything ready to grill . And then , when the first family members got there , Joshua and I left . We spent the rest of the day here at our house with our family . It was really nice . At one point in the afternoon , everyone was napping , so I spent 30 minutes outside in the pool by myself . It was so relaxing . Today , we had small group and church . It was an awesome morning . Sundays are my favorite . We came home and had FFYS for lunch . Fend For YourSelf . That means you either MAKE something for your own lunch , or you eat left - overs from the frig . We had some left - over pizza from the night before . . . and a little bit of Chinese food left from Friday night . I don 't know WHY he enjoys watching these old games over and over , but he does . And he has gotten Joshua all " in " to watching them , too . It took for - ev - er for the game to end . I love football , especially Arkansas football . . . and SEC football . . . but if I have to watch these games over and over again , I 'm gonna hurt somebody . But , they eventually went home to their own house ( unfortunately ) , and now we are winding down from the weekend , and getting ready to start a new week . Clark has made his breakfast and lunch for the next TWO DAYS . . . and has it in the frig . He has his clothes and everything ready to go . We were thankful to have a quiet weekend . After the sad events of last week , it was nice to just be at home with our family . It 's something we do not take for granted . There are somethings I don 't post on social media , because you always have those few people . . . or even that ONE person . . . who will troll on there and make some hurtful comment , and , you know . . . it 's disheartening . Because sometimes , no matter what I say , someone will say that I should 've said more . . . or less . . . or nothing . Or , something different . I don 't know . Those shootings grieved my heart as well . All of this senseless violence is wrong , wrong , wrong . . . but because this happened in DALLAS . . . it 's more personal . Because , you know , for every bad teacher we hear about on TV , there are thousands of good ones . For every immoral religious leader , there are many who live honorable and trustworthy lives . For every corrupt politician , there are hundreds who are trying to make things better . For every abusive parent , there are a million good ones who do their best every day . " You have heard the law that says , ' Love your neighbor ' and hate your enemy . But I say , love your enemies ! Pray for those who persecute you ! In that way , you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven . For He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good , and He sends rain on the just and the unjust alike . " Matthew 5 : 43 - 45 Long before there was a thing called a " bucket list , " she had dreams . . . and one of those dreams was to make a record . Which , she did . The picture I posted was of her album cover . It pretty much depicts how she was every day : feminine , pretty , and always " put together . " I never saw my Mom in sweat pants , leggings , shorts , a hoodie . . . or almost anything that is currently in my closet . Never saw her without lipstick . Pretty sure she never , EVER wore flannel . . . which , if you know me or have read here very long , then you know that I wear my super - cute flannel pajammies 9 months out of the year . My great - grandparents took their 5 children to church , and taught them about God . My grandmother took my Mom and her brother to church . My Mom 's influence over my Dad to attend and join a church after they married , led to his salvation . And their choice to raise us in a Christian home , made an eternal difference in my life . . . which , in turn , has impacted my marriage , and the lives of our children . Jesus is the only One Who satisfies . HE is the One Who binds up the broken - hearted . HE turns the darkness into light , and makes our rough places smooth . I didn 't spend one minute thinking about Joshua being jealous of Rhodes . That 's just really not his character . Still , you never know . Joshua likes to keep us ALL on our toes ! But he is not jealous at ALL . If anything , he has taken his perceived role as the " dispenser of all the wise words from the older uncle " to a new and borderline obsessive level . He is over the moon with his new nephew . And Joshua sees himself as the " greatest and most furious protector . " He has also been diligent in making sure that Marley , the half - a - dog , doesn 't feel left out . Before Rhodie was born , Joshua would hold Marley on his lap and whisper , " I 'll never forget about you . You 'll always be my furry nephew . " Joshua doesn 't really understand teasing . Or sarcasm . For probably the first 20 + years of his life , he would get so upset when anyone would try to " mess " with him . . . like , his brothers . . . his sister . . . Aaron - the - brother - in - law . . . or Jim 's Dad . But , over the past 5 - 7 years , Joshua has been cracking some jokes . He 's always been super funny . . . TO US . Like last night , when they were reporting about the winner of a hot - dog eating context . Joshua said , " 70 HOT DOGS ? He ate 70 HOT DOGS ? Hasn 't he ever heard about SELF - CONTROL ? " And , Aaron . . . bless him . He is SO good with Joshua . He can get him to do things the rest of us can 't . . . like , playing a game of Baggo , after he said he didn 't want to . Or , getting him in the pool on a hot day in May , when Joshua had already firmly stated he would NOT be getting into the pool until after he got back from camp . . . which was at the end of the first week of June . Aaron also teases him like none other . Joshua doesn 't always know whether to believe him or not ( it would be a good bet to go with , " NOT ! " Ha ! ) . Last night , Holly and Aaron were at our house . Rhodie was having his fussy time . Aaron was trying to calm him down , and it was all I could do to not ask him to GIVE ME THAT BABY . We are so thankful for baby Rhodie . He is a gift from God for sure . . . a gift to our WHOLE family . We all love him so much , and everyone is getting along JUST FINE ! We 've had a great weekend . Yesterday , we got up and went to Sunday School ( small group , for you young ' uns ) . . . and then we came home . I told Jim that it doesn 't feel like a Sunday , when we don 't go to the church service . I don 't really like that feeling . Logan and Morgan came to stay with us on Friday and Saturday . Late Saturday night , I realized that we had not taken ONE family picture . . . and they were leaving on Sunday before lunch . I know it 's not a huge deal , but it 's Rhodie 's first July 4th . . . and I wanted to document it . I 'm new at this grandmother thing , but I 'm pretty sure we should be taking pictures of all of his " first " holidays . So we came home , and changed our clothes . We went over to Holly and Aaron - the - son - in - law 's to take pictures . Two grandparents ( Jim and I ) , 4 ( adult ) kids , 2 " in - laws , " 1 grand - baby . . . annnnnnd a dog . What could go wrong ? And , I 'm happy to report , it went as well as you are imagining . Especially if you count that , out of about 25 pictures , we got ONE where all of us are looking at the camera . In two of the pictures , Jim had a small American flag over his face . After the picture - taking session , we came home . Logan and Morgan packed up their stuff , and left to spend the next 2 days with Morgan 's family . We made lunch , and then everyone piled up on the couches in the living room . Holly and Aaron came over with the baby , and I got in some serious snuggles with our little one . We had a fairly quiet Independence Day today . It 's great that Holly had the baby when she did . . . it gives us all a great excuse to not go anywhere . Not that we need one . . . we love spending time at home with our family . . . and we love getting to hang out with Rhodie . So , Jim and Clark left before 6 : 15 . I tried to go back to sleep . . . but I couldn 't . So , I ended up making the muffins for breakfast . Because it 's Monday , and if you know anything about Joshua , you know that he is committed to tradition . And it 's a tradition that we have muffins on Monday . So , holiday or no holiday . . . there must be muffins . The guys had a great time at their race . Logan thinks he ran a personal best . Jim said he didn 't run as fast as he wanted to . Morgan did well , as usual . And Clark ? He finished before any of my crew , and then went back to find Morgan 's mom . And , after running his own 5k , he ran the last leg of her race with her . . . his brother 's wife 's mom . Family , y ' all . We don 't have to be related by blood . . . or even related by marriage . We can be neighbors , co - workers . . . or friends . I love July 4 . I am so thankful for our country . I am thankful for the courageous men and women who fought and died , defending our country . . . and for the ones who are currently serving in our military . I am thankful for the freedoms we have in America . As many complaints there are about what is wrong here , I would not want to live anywhere else . I am not too thankful for fireworks . I love watching them . . . like , going places to watch them . I don 't even mind watching them on a TV show . . . turning out all the lights in the house , and pretending we are actually there . What I do not love : people shooting off fireworks in our neighborhood . We have a geriatric , Black Lab . She 's old , she can barely walk , and she can 't take it . This week has been great ! Clark has taken Joshua to his Therapeutic Recreation and picked up for me . . . almost every day . It has been such a blessing , especially now that Rhodes is here . I have been able to go over to Holly 's house first thing in the morning , after Aaron leaves for work , and I get to stay all day . . . until Aaron comes home . On Wednesday , Holly was having her newborn pictures made . I decided that I would take Joshua to TR myself . . . a little later . We went over to Holly 's , and stayed a couple of hours . . . so that she was able to do her hair , make - up , get dressed , etc . When the photographer got there , we left . I took Joshua . . . and then came straight back to her house . The photographer was still there . They were in the process of trying to get a picture of Marley , the halfadog , with Rhodes . Now , keep in mind that this dog has been Holly and Aaron - the - son - in - law 's fur baby for 9 or 10 years . He has ruled the roost . Over the past month , his world has been turned upside down . First , Holly and Aaron moved to a new house . . . and then 2 weeks after that , they brought this THING into the house that cries and coughs and hiccups and makes funny noises . . . and sometimes it doesn 't smell that great . Since the THING has made it 's appearance , Marley is not allowed on the bed , on the couch , in the backseat of the car . His sleep and " lounging " time has been completely disrupted . He is kept awake by it 's crying at all hours of the day and night . He 's not allowed to get too close to the it . I arrived at the house during this whole process . They had Rhodie on the couch , on his tummy . He was not too happy , so they were trying to hold his pacifier in his mouth . The photographer said , " see if you can get Marley up on the couch ( that he 's not allowed on ) . . . and put him behind the baby . . . and see if he will look down at him , or maybe sniff his head . " Marley acted like Rhodes had the plague or something . Holly would put him up there and position him . . . and Marley would lean wayyyyyyyyyyyyy away from Rhodes . It was hilarious and frustrating at the same time . Holly and I were both sweating like pigs . I am so anxious to see these pictures . I wonder if any of the ones she took of them turned out . My family has been after me to start a blog because they say I have so many funny stories . Trouble is . . . now that I finally have a little time to actually record these memories , I can 't remember any of them ! This may be a blog about nothing , kinda like a Seinfeld episode ! I am very aware of God 's hand in my life , and I am thankful for His grace each day for the many times I mess up . I love spending time with my family and friends . I LOVE football ! I don 't really understand baseball all that much , but my brother and sisters love it , so I cheer on those Texas Rangers ! I 'm just a girl who came to a college in Arkansas many years ago . I didn 't know one single person in the entire state . I fell in love with a boy from the college across the Ravine , and we got married when we were way too young to know what in the world we were doing . If we had been able to see ahead to some of the bumps in the road God would allow in our lives , we would 've run screaming into the woods . We 've been married for a hundred years now , and God has blessed our family so much . After the birth of our first child , I had a " Jesus , Take the Wheel " moment . Turns out that philosophy works for every area of our lives .
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Kay here before I begin chapter three I would like to thank everyone for their support . The first two chapters were about a troubling time in my life . It seemed I made a wrong decision at each turn of my life during this time . I placed myself in jeopardy as well as my daughter Sherri . I will never forgive myself for the choices I made back then . Those choices will cause me regret for the rest of my life . I should never have placed my daughter in harms way as I had . She was just an innocent little girl who would never harm anyone . Because of me , her early childhood was pure hell instead of full of fond memories of her younger years . My daughter tells me she has forgiven me but I cannot help but think that it is only due to the man who is about to walk into our life . That being Sgt . J the man I call my husband and the one she calls daddy . For without him I would have lost more than just my daughter . I have some advice to any person facing abuse today . You are better than that . It is not your fault and it is damn well not your duty to take the abuse . I tell any women today who are facing what we faced to get out while you still can . I do not know why Joe did not shoot Sherri and I that day as he had sworn to me he would . I can only think that one of us had an angel watching over us that day . It had to be my daughter 's angel , for I am unworthy of protection from above as I had made her childhood a living hell for her . I had lunch with Cathy until our afternoon classes began . I sat beside John looking over his notes . I had one more class left for the day . I walked into it I did not see John so I took a seat . As I sat down John came in the door . I told him thank you as he sat down beside me . As John sat down , he once again came close to me as if he smelled my hair again . I was beginning to think I smelled or something . When class was over John stood up and he looked at me . I almost called him back as I thought I might have hurt his feelings . However , why should I care about a married man 's feelings after what Jack did to me I thought . I grabbed my books as well as his notebooks and went to my new piece of shit car . We got into Cathy 's car as hers ran better than mine did . We drove only a couple blocks to some tavern . As we drove Cathy told me I would like Rod as well as his friend . Cathy shook her head no , as I thought great another blind date . Cathy parked the car and as we got out , I told her maybe I should go home . She grabbed my arm and dragged me up to door . A tall blonde hair man met us at the door . He took Cathy into his arms giving her a kiss deeply onto her lips . I was a little jealous , as those should be my lips on hers . The three of us walked into the bar . I looked around and I saw there were some from our college as well as a few bikers sitting at the bar . I walked behind Rod and Cathy trying to hide myself in case I knew any of the bikers . John stood up smiling as he pulled a chair next to him for me . The four of us sat down and we talked . I only told Rod and John that I was divorced and that I had a nine - year - old daughter . Rod told me he was divorced and that he hoped to have kids someday as he wrapped his arms around Cathy pulling her against him . I was waiting for John to claim he was divorced as well as I sat there looking at the ring on his finger . John did not say anything . I placed my hand onto his as it lies on the table . I picked it up as I showed Cathy the ring on his finger . I felt like a total idiot , as my plan was to expose him as a man cheating on his wife . The hurt and sadness I saw in his eyes told me he spoke the truth about losing her . I felt so sorry for him and I had no idea what to say to him however , a saying popped into my head suddenly . John 's face went white and I thought I saw a tear starting to form . John excused himself telling us he had to get rid of the beer he had drunk . He walked away from the table with his head down heading for the bathroom . Rod got up to get us all some more beer . The four of sat for another hour talking nothing serious just talk . Cathy and I finally told them we had to be getting home . Rod gave Cathy a kiss and John stood up sticking his hand out to shake my hand . I shook it as I told him bye . During the next few weeks , John and I became friends . John helped me to catch up in all my classes . He even gave me his phone number and told me if I was stuck on something to give him a call any time of the night . I normally would do my schoolwork late at night after Sherri and my mom were in bed . If I were having trouble on some schoolwork , I would call and talk to him on the phone . There were times when I called that I know I had awaken him from his sleep . However , John never complained he just helped me to the answer . He would never give it to me just tell me when I had gotten it right . I would look into this man 's eyes during school and I became bewildered by what I would see . Sometimes those lovely eyes would sparkle and shine . Other times they grew darker than night itself . I was not for sure but I believe I saw evil in his eyes as well . I decided it was best if we just stayed friends . I smiled on my insides knowing that he remembered that day . I went on with one day in April . The four of us were sitting around during lunch . John told Rod he had just gotten his income tax check . I had only really meant it as a joke . However , John stood there looking at me waiting for my answer . I stared up into those eyes of his . I looked deeply into them . I tried to read them however , I could not and he was waiting for my answer . " I would love to John and you can meet my daughter Sherri , " I said smiling at him . John did not say anything back he only shook his head yes and smiled at me . Later in the week , John asked me if it was OK if we went somewhere fancy . He told me he would wear his three - piece suit as I had told him I loved a man in a suit . I told John that would be fine and I would even wear a dress for him . I had one small problem with telling him that . I did not have a dress to wear for him . All my dresses and outfits I had left behind in Colorado and I saw no need to replace them until now . Therefore , that meant I had to go shopping . The other problem I had was money Sherri had just turned 10 and I used what extra money I had to buy her new wheels for her skates . Cathy loaned me some money then her and I went shopping . I should have went alone as all the dresses she kept telling to try on looked like the slut wear I used to wear . I decide on a nice little flowered print dress . It came down to just above my knees . That would show enough of my legs but not all the way up to my ass . The dress was low cut enough that it would show the right amount of tit as well . Saturday night came and nothing seemed to go right . I could do nothing with my hair , my nylons had runs in them and the shoes I tried on hurt my feet . I was sitting on the edge of my bed getting ready to call John and tell him to forget it that I was sick or something . Sherri came into my bedroom . " I am a disaster and John my date will be here shortly , " I replied . " Is he the one you talk to on the phone late at night ? " Sherri asked . Sherri gave me a little smile as she hurried from my bedroom . I left my tears go when she did . I cried because I was not for sure whether he was good or bad . For some reason I could not read this man 's eyes . I dried my eyes and looked into the mirror great I just ruined my eyes as well . Mom came over and she started to fix my hair as I redid my eyes . Mom had my hair done in no time and it looked lovely . I heard a knock at our door . I peeked out from in the hallway in just my bra and pantyhose to see my mom let him in and sit him upon the couch . I also saw Sherri looking at him from the kitchen and she was backing away . I took that , as she did not approve of John . My mom hugged me and she gave me comfort something I should have gave to my own daughter when she needed it . However , I do not remember ever doing it . Mom told me it would be OK . I must have had a panic look on my face because my mom told me to finish getting dressed she would deal with Sherri . I slipped into my dress and then into my high heels . I adjusted my dress so it showed some tit but not a lot . As I opened , the door to go out I heard . " Thank you so much , " Sherri said happily . I walked into the living room and John stood up from the sofa . He stood there staring me as I walked toward him . I saw him checking my legs out so I gave a little spin . When I did , the dress flared out showing that all I had under it were my pantyhose . I pushed it back down as I continued toward him . My god my mom was right this man was handsome . John had worn a tan colored three - piece suit . His large 6 ' 1 " muscular frame looked leaned and toned in it . His medium cut blonde hair styled neatly on his head . He had a golden tanned face from working outside as he did . I dare not looked to his crotch for I would have wet my pantyhose . When I got to him , he handed me flowers . I took John 's hand and walked him into the kitchen where I told him to take a sit . I looked for a vase to put the flowers in and I found one high on the top self . I looked to John and he was already standing up and reaching up to get the vase . He handed it to me and he sat back down . I placed the flowers into it arranging them . Sherri came skipping into the kitchen climbed up into John 's lap . She wrapped her arms around his neck and she gave him a kiss on his cheek . John asked me if I was ready and I told him I was . We walked to the front room where we told my mom bye . Sherri came in and I bend down giving her a hug and a kiss as I told her to be good for grandma . Sherri wrapped her arms around my neck squeezing me tightly as she whispered into my ear , " He is a good man , mommy . " I stood back up fighting my tears , which only became harder to do . Sherri went to John 's pants leg and she tugged at it while looking up to him . She curled her little finger back and forth motioning him to come down to his level . She whispered something into his ear . However , I could not hear what . John walked me to his truck and opened my door for me . I could not tell you the last time a man had done that for me . John got in , he told me where we were going , and I just nodded my head . As he drove , we talked about school but I was thinking and wondering just what Sherri had whispered into his ear . I had to know what she had whispered into his ear . When John looked at me , I got a good look into those lovely eyes of his . His blue green eyes twinkled and gleamed . His eyes filled with what looked like happiness and joy . The kind of look Santa Claus would have after giving a child their most wanted gift . If he had been fat and dressed in a red suit then he would have been Santa Claus who had just given a sweet little girl her best Christmas gift ever . Which I thought I did however , I wondered what this code was he followed . Once inside and at our table , I filled with fear , as I did not know what to say to John . I wanted to tell him how he might have just filled a dream come true for my daughter Sherri . That thought entered my mind as I looked to the table before us . I noticed three forks and I looked to John . We ordered dinner and over dinner , John asked me to tell him a little bit about myself . I explained to him I had been married twice and both times were complete disasters . I told him how both of my husbands were abusive to me as well as to Sherri . However , I did not go into the details . John did not say much other than his eyes seemed to go sad when he heard me tell him Sherri had faced abuse as well . I looked at him as I asked him to tell me about himself . I looked deeply into his eyes as he replied . John explained how he lost his wife and their unborn child . His eyes filled with true sadness as he told me . Mine filled with a tear that he wiped with his fingertip . He went on to tell me about the construction company he owed . His eyes told me he loved his line of work as I stared into them . I had to look away from his eyes as I saw a man I knew walking behind him . The man was a client of Jack 's . I rather hid my face from him while looking away from John . When I turned , John looked deeply into my eyes and I had to turn away once more before he saw my look of shame . I finally looked at him as he told me that was about it as far as his life went . I stared deeply into his eyes . His eyes seemed to explode with fire then turn black . I knew that look one of I am hiding something . My mind filled with all the abuse I had taken from Joe . I grew weary of the man sitting across from me . However , as we talked more I felt at ease with him once more . The night ended with John taking me home . John did not reply he just kept walking away until he got into his truck and drove away . I did not even see him look at me as he drove away . I stood outside my door wondering why he had not answered me . I unlocked the door and walked inside thinking maybe John did not even like me . I walked in to see my mom and Sherri sitting on the sofa . I explained to her I had asked John to come in but he had just walked to his truck and drove off never looking at me . I told my mom he had not even kissed me good night instead , he kissed my hand . I did not feel bad for myself but for my daughter who had thought John was a good man . I busied myself around the house Sunday trying to take my mind off John . Maybe it was because no man had ever just taken me out for a normal date without putting me in the back seat . It could have been I was just hurting because I had failed my daughter once more . Sherri was quiet for most of the day . She even turned down to go skating when I asked her if she wanted too . I had to check to see if she was sick , for she never turned down a chance to go skating . It only made me feel worst than I already did and then it angered me . Later that night Sherri got ready for bed and I went in to tuck her into her bed . I watched as she got ready for bed and I could see she was still sad . She climbed into bed and I asked her if she had said her prayers already . Sherri got back out of her bed . She knelt down onto the floor bringing her closed hands in front of herself . " Four corners around my bed , four angels around my head . " " 1 to watch , " " 1 to pray , " " 2 to take my soul away . " " Bless grandma , bless mommy and bless John that man who fixed my skate , " Sherri said into her closed hands with closed eyes . I fought back my tears as I heard her say her little prayer . She climbed into bed and I tucked the sheet under her chin . I leaned down and kissed her forehead as I told her good night . I was going to tell her we would probably never see John again however , I could not do it . I cried myself to sleep that night . My daughter wanted this man John for some reason and I could not give her what she wanted . I should have just lied to him about my life telling him it was good and I had just walked away from my husbands still friends with them . Maybe I should have just jumped his bones on the way home and had my way with him . I woke up the next day getting Sherri up and ready for school as well as myself . I thought about not going to school today as I did not really want to see or face John . I had figured he would not even talk to me anymore . I was surprised to see Sherri full of joy and happiness over breakfast . I did not question her , as I did not want to ruin her day . I saw her off to school and got ready myself for school . I drove to school and Cathy was waiting for me in our usual meeting place in the lunchroom . I had no sooner sat down in the chair . I composed myself the best I could and when I walked back to our table . I saw John standing behind Cathy talking to her . I walked up to them and John looked to me . Cathy told me she thought that man has a place in his heart for me . I explained he was just being friendly that was all . A man like him would want nothing to do with me . I grabbed my books wrapping them in my one arm and walked to my first class smelling my rose . I walked into still smelling the rose John had given me . I walked over to where John was sitting . He did not look up to me as I got beside him . I smelled my rose once more then I leaned down and kissed him lightly on his cheek . After school that day , I asked John if he would like to come over and study together at my mom 's house . I was hoping he would say yes , as I wanted to make Sherri happy . John told me he would and but he had to make a quick stop then he would be there . Sherri was playing in the front yard as I pulled in the driveway . I got out of my car and she looked at me . I reached back into my car and I pulled that single red rose out smelling it again . Sherri came running over and she stopped in front of me looking up at me . I held the rose down telling her to smell it . I had forgotten how lovely my daughter was with a smile on her face . When she saw John pull in her face light up and her smile went from ear to ear . She stood there beside me as we both watched him walking up to us . John had something behind his back as he walked to us . He bent down to Sherri 's level as he pulled a stuffed bear from his back . I fought back my tears when I saw her face brighten even more and her smile double in size . No one had ever given me a single rose after a date and no one had ever given my daughter a stuffed bear or called her princess before then . I wiped my tears that had come from my eyes as I heard Sherri thanking John then she looked at me . In the weeks following being with John , I was doubting if John even liked me as sometimes he seemed to pay more attention to Sherri when he came over to study than to me . I did not mind really , as John made her happy and she was always smiling when he was around . It was not as if I was his girlfriend or anything we were just classmates . I was not truly sure of my feelings toward him as well . I loved the fact he gave happiness to my daughter . However , I had needs as well ; like sex . I dated other men twice . Well I would not even call them dates I would call them fucks . It was John 's fault everyday of sitting by him as well as going for a beer after classes had my pussy twitching and I needed some cock . To make matters worst my daughter had me already married to this man . I was getting ready to go out Saturday night with a man named Robert . He was taking me to the drive in movie . He had told me there would be no reason to dress up so to just wear something comfortable . I slipped on a pair of short shorts that had my butt cheeks hanging out of them with no panties . I slipped a low cut red tee shirt with a black push up bra under it . I had just finished dressing when Sherri walked in my bedroom . She made it into her bedroom before I did . She slammed the door and locked it . I asked her calmly to please let me in I wanted to talk to her . I walked into the kitchen sitting down in a kitchen chair . I had lied to Sherri just as I had lied to John earlier in the week . He had asked me if I was doing anything , this weekend and I told him I was going to go with my mom to see my aunt . I told him I would be gone all weekend . The reason I had lied to him was that I could see he was falling in love with me or was in love with me . He was just to shy or scared to tell me . It was just as good for I was not in love with him . I liked him and I loved the fact he made Sherri happy however , I was not in love with him . I could never love again for if I did the abuse would start again . I had it in my head that the men in my past were good men and they had turned bad when I loved them . If I took no love from a man nor gave or showed any back then not only was I safe so was my daughter . I had it in my head that both Mark and Joe were my fault . I had caused them to beat me . I deserved it , as I was a bad person as well as a bad mother . All the men in my life had treated me poorly so that was what I was used too and I accepted it . I sat there thinking that even if John did love me it would never work . He was high class , smart and good - looking . While I was a struggling single mom , with no class , but I was good looking I would give myself that . There was also the fact of what I saw in his eyes sometimes that troubled me as well . That man was hiding something and I was afraid to find out what . I saw Robert pull into the driveway and I went outside , as I did not want Sherri to say anything to him . I got into his car and we drove to the drive in . I cannot remember the movies playing that night however I was not there for the movies anyways . Robert was at me as soon as the movie started . He wrapped his arm around me pulling me into him . His lips touched mine and we kissed . It was a good kiss not a great one . His hands went to my tits as we kissed . He rather manhandled them through my tee shirt . I lifted my tee shirt over my head . Robert kissed and licked at my tits as they spilled over the push up bra . He leaned me forward as his hand went to my bra clasp . Robert fumbled with it for some time before I finally reach behind myself and undid it for him . I had not even noticed that he was no longer sucking on my tits . I just smiled at him as I ran my hand across his thigh to the hard cock sticking up in his jogging pants . I rubbed my hand on it as I kissed him . I lowered my head to his lap and I pulled his jogging pants down to find he had a pair of boxer shorts on as well . His hard cock was sticking out the opening in them . Robert 's cock was just average not to big and not to small . He had the kind of a cock made for all my holes . I wrapped my hand around his cock pumping at it as I stuck my tongue out licking at the head of his dick . I was flicking my tongue around his dickhead when I felt his hands going to the back of my head . Robert pushed my head down more onto his cock . My pussy twitched when he called me a bitch . I took his cock into my mouth and sucked at just the head of his cock . I then worked my mouth up and down on his cock sucking at it hard on my up strokes . Robert was pulling my hair as my head bobbed up and down on his cock . My pussy was throbbing and getting wet as he did . I started to think I was one sick bitch to be getting horny from him forcing my head up and down his cock . All thoughts soon left my mind as my horniness took over my body . I was enjoying him treating me roughly , as I sucked at his cock . Robert had one hand on the back of my head as his other pinched and pulled at my tits . I was bobbing my head faster up and down his cock as he did . Robert pinched my nipple hard as he pushed my head down onto his cock forcing it all into my mouth . I sucked hard at his cock as I felt it throb then twitch as it 's shot cum splashed against the roof of my mouth . Two or three short blasts somewhat just rolled down my throat with ease . I pulled my head from his cock licking at cum around the head of his cock . Robert pulled my head from his cock by my hair . I licked at some of his cum that had dribbled from my mouth onto my lips . I did not get a chance to reply before Robert 's hands went to my tits pushing me back toward the passenger door . He grabbed my legs and lifted them to the seat . His hand went between my legs forcing them open . His hand went to the crotch of my short shorts . His hands went to the waistband as he pulled them from me . He had to slide my high - heeled sandals from my feet before he removed my short shorts . He smiled when he saw I had worn no panties . His hand shot in between my legs as his fingers dug at my hairy pussy . He slipped one then two fingers up into my pussy . Robert fingered my pussy for a while then replaced his fingers with his tongue . He licked wildly at my pussy as my hands went to the back of his head . I was pushing his head into my pussy as I bucked my hips upward . He was about to make me orgasm . Robert poked his tongue faster and deeper into my pussy . He removed his tongue from my pussy flicking it against my clit . My clit swelled and throbbed as a short powerful orgasm raced through my body . My pussy even gave a quick little squirt before I came back down to earth . I left go of Robert 's head as my orgasm ended . I asked him what did he mean and he told me I had screamed that name when my pussy squirted . I told him that he was just a friend that was all . Robert gave me a funny look and he slipped his cock away as I pulled my short shorts back up my legs and over my butt . Robert handed me my bra and my tee shirt , which I slipped on as well . Robert started his car and he drove me home the first movie was not even over yet . Neither of us said a word as he drove me home . He pulled into my driveway and placed his car into park as he turned to me . I walked into the house and into my bedroom . I sat down at the edge of my bed and cried into my hands . I cried because I had enjoyed Robert calling me names and treating me roughly . I cried also because as he did I was thinking of John that was why I had screamed his name . I was unsure of just what I was feeling toward John , in a way I wanted him and then again I wanted him to stay away from me for fear I would fall in love with him . I looked up to find Sherri standing in my doorway . I wiped my tears as I looked at her . I realized then that maybe I had more feelings toward John that I was willing to admit . I kept telling myself not to fall for this man or any man . They will only bring harm to yourself as well as to your daughter . I started to hope he would ask me out again and if he had , I was going to fuck the hell out of him . John never did he kept our relationship at just being friends . When Cathy would come over , she kept asking me if John and I had done anything yet . I kept telling her he does not even like me . I even tried dating another man again . His name was George and I had gone to school with him . I ran into him at the store one day . I was walking up the store 's aisle when he bumped into my cart with his . I remembered George from in school he had been a jock and the other girls flocked to him . The head cheerleader Lisa had even married him . I asked him how Lisa was . I felt sorry for him in away and my thinking became a little confused . He asked if I was single and I told him yeah that I was . He asked me to go out with him the next night . I told him Ok even knowing it was a school night . At school , I told John I was going out with a girlfriend that night and we would not be able to study together . This time around , I dressed in blue jeans and a low cut top that showed the girls nicely . I was getting ready after sitting with Sherri after school . She came walking into my bedroom . Sherri smiled and she told me to have fun before she left . I hated to lie to her however , I was finding out I was good at doing it to both her and to John . I finished dressing and left as I had told George I would met him somewhere . This was at a bar in the next town over that way I hoped not to have John see me out that night . George and I drank and talked . He explained he always had a slight crush on me during school . He said that to me staring at my tits . His crush was more like lust than anything else was . This was fine with me as I was horny almost in heat . Some how our talked turned to sex with both us telling the other it had been a while . We left the bar and George had me follow him to his place . He took me inside his place and straight to the bedroom . We stood by the side of his bed kissing and undressing each other as we did . George was only 5 ' 6 " or so which seemed strange to me at first as all the men I had been with were men much taller than me . We both were soon naked and climbed into his bed . George lay at my side kissing my lips slowly working his way down my body . He kissed and licked at my ears and neck before he moved to my breasts . He ran his tongue around my nipples before flicking his tongue across them . They grew hard at the tongue - lashing they were receiving . George trailed his tongue down my body climbing between my legs that I parted letting him between them . He gently rubbed at my hairy pussy telling me he loved the hairy ones . George parted my pussy lips with his fingers gently kissing and licking at them . His use of his tongue on my body had gotten John far from my mind . He kissed then licked at my pussy lips before he buried his face into my hairy pussy . His tongue drove my pussy wild as I flopped around on his bed . I actually had a couple pleasuring orgasms from his tongue . George climbed on top of me and he rubbed his cock at the entrance of my pussy . His cock was average in size and it felt good as he slipped it into my pussy . George fucked me slowly then placed my legs up onto his shoulders . He fucked me deep and hard with his balls slamming against my asshole . George started to kiss me as he drove his cock deeper and faster in and out of my pussy . I was enjoying and loving the fucking he was giving me . It was just a nice enjoyable fuck almost like with the clients of Jack 's . " Ohhhh Fuck Kay , " George screamed out dropping my legs from his shoulders . He pulled his cock from my pussy taking it into his hand . His hand pumped wildly at his cock as I looked at it . His head went back and his eyes went closed as cum spewed from the head of his dick . The first blast landed on my hairy pussy as the next three splashed across my tits . George leaned over and kissed me then rolled next to me . He told me that he had enjoyed that and it was has he had thought about . I turned to him as I rubbed my hand at his chest . I was thinking that was some good sex . I was also thinking how he had not been rough with me and just how much I had enjoyed it . Maybe just maybe George was a good man I thought as I lie there with him . The phone rang and he answered it . The image of him being a good man left me as he did . Whoever was on the other end of the phone he screamed and cussed at filled him with anger ? I slipped from his bed and got dressed . I left myself out of his house with him still arguing with whom ever on the phone . I was shaking as I drove home . I had almost gotten myself into something I did not want . I went home and climbed into bed thinking it did not matter all men were evil . I also convinced myself that John was not like those men simply because he was not interested in me like that . After all , we were just classmates not lovers or anything . I was just happy he was bringing a little joy into my daughter 's life even if I knew it would not last . For the next couple of months John and I hung out together . We studied together and went down for drinks after school . We held hands sometimes but he never tried to kiss me . I wanted to kiss him so badly however I thought that maybe he was the type that did not like to kiss or something . While I was looking forward to him taking me into his arms and kissing me , as well as taking me to bed , I did not press the issue . I thought that maybe this man was just shy . It really did not matter to me for this man was doing one thing right . Anytime this man came over to our house he always made sure he came baring a gift for Sherri , mostly a stuffed bear and she loved getting them . While John was not really making me happy because of not kissing me or engaging me in sex it did not matter . This man was making my daughter smile and that was all that mattered to me . One day after school as he walked me to my car as another car backfired . John 's eyes filled with hate and anger as he froze suddenly . His closed hands formed into fists as his body tensed up as he just stood there . His eyes seemed to be searching all around him . I heard him saying something almost in a whisper . It was in a foreign language I had never heard it almost sounded like Japanese . I panicked and jumped into my car . I looked through my window at John as he stood there as if he was ready to explode or something . I slowly rolled down my window and I reached out touching his arm . His eyes stopped searching and his body relaxed as I did . He looked down at me in my car with sorrow in his eyes . I started to think all types of bad stuff . I wondered what this man was hiding . I was waiting for the other shoe to drop . I never asked him about that day , as I was afraid of what he would tell me . It also just reaffirmed what I had thought . This man was not my knight in shiny armor he was just another man ready to bring harm to me as well as my daughter . John did not come to school the next day nor did he answer his phone when I tried to call him . The next day he came to school and he looked tired as if he had been up for the last two days . I asked him if he was OK . John took my hand as he said , " One day at a time - this is enough . Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone ; and do not be troubled about the future , for it has not yet come . Live in the present , and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering , " as he tilted his head to me . I knew not what his words meant but they seemed to put my mind at ease over him . John seemed to be himself and it soon slipped from my mind . A few days later , I ran to the store as I pulled into the parking lot I saw John standing beside his truck . He was talking to a lovely attractive girl who was not afraid to flaunt what she had . They talked then the girl wrapped her arms around him . She gave him a long embrace as I made my mind tell me they were just friends . That was until she kissed him . It was only a quick kiss but that was more than I was getting from him . To make matters worst I swear John looked right at me before I drove away . It troubled me but I was too afraid to ask John about what I had seen . I was afraid because I did not want to see my daughter unhappy again . I sat there thinking you bastard just like all the other men in my life . You had a girl on the side that was why he never kissed me or tried anything . How was I ever going to explain to Sherri that the man who called her princess was just a scumbag ? About five or ten minutes later the phone rang , it was John . He was asking me to forgive him for not telling me the truth . He explained the girl on the phone and at the store the other day was Terri his deceased wife 's cousin . " I wanted to tell you I know you saw me with her however it is a little hard to explain , " John said to me . " John , you don 't own me any explanations . " " But it was sweet of you to think that you did . " I said to him . " I was just having some car troubles and I was going to ask you to look at it but I will just call the garage , " I added . I hung up the phone feeling somewhat better and it stopped my crying . His explanation sounded real and not rehearsed . However , I still had some doubt about him . I turned to see Sherri standing there . Sherri did not have to say anything her face and eyes told me as her smile grew . She ran along to her room and I sat in the living room talking to my mom . I told her John has gotten under my daughters skin . She adored him and was always happy when he was around . I had not thought about that until now . I sat there thinking about him losing his wife . A woman he must have loved dearly to still wear her ring . Sherri came out joining us on the sofa . I thought of the pain he must have felt losing a daughter he never held in his arms . It came to me that maybe John was connecting with my daughter over losing the daughter he never knew . I stood there looking at my mother , as she smelled her flowers a lovely smile on her face as she did . I watched Sherri hugging her bear and smiling up at John . I looked to John waiting for my gift . The three of us had a laugh , as I did not think he had meant it as it had sounded . John took my keys and he went outside to check on my car . I looked out to see him working under my car then I heard him leave and return in his truck . I looked again to find him back under my car . In a few more minutes , I heard my car start up and I went outside to John . He told me I just needed a new starter and he had ran and got one for me . I placed my head against his chest as I hugged him tightly with my arms wrapped around his waist . My body got warm and my pussy started too tingled as I did . I wanted to take him right there in the driveway . I should have jumped on my car and parted my legs from him . However , I did not instead ; I walked him into the house then into the bathroom so he could wash his hands . I wiped tears from my eyes as I walked back into the living room joining mom and Sherri . Sherri walked toward the bathroom . I was going to stop her however ; my mom said something to me from her chair . I sat down on the sofa as Sherri came skipping back into the room . She slipped up onto grandma 's lap . They both smiled as they walked away . John reached over and he took my hand into his . He started to explain about the person who I had seen him with and the one who answered his phone . He told me she was just checking up on him , as she had not heard from him for a while . I looked into those lovely hazel eyes of his . They were almost hypnotic as peace and calm came over my body . I actually saw trust in his eyes as I stared into them . I decided to tell him about the abuse Sherri and I faced at the hands of not one but both of my husbands . I explained how they both mistreated us and how we had barely gotten away from my second husband . John wrapped his arms around me placing my head to his shoulder . I cried wildly into his shoulder as he held me . I felt a caring embrace as he held me . I felt his hand rubbing at my back . I only sobbed harder hearing him tell me those words . I know they were just words but words I had never heard in my life . My crying went to a soft sobbing as he held me . I felt at peace with myself in his arms . I felt John kiss my ear then he whispered , " Hush , hush my love or the creatures of the night will get you . " I pulled my head from his shoulder as I asked , " What did you just say ? " As his lips touched mine , I slipped my arms around his neck . I returned his kiss deeply and with passion . I kissed him fully as church bells , fireworks and the National Anthem played in my head . I slipped my tongue into his mouth . Our tongues toyed with each other as he kissed . I felt light headed as I broke our kiss . I cried into his shoulder once more . No man had ever shown me this much compassion . I had never felt like this while a man held me . It was a feeling I had never had before . John rubbed at my back as he told me everything was going to be OK . " Thank you John you 're so understand , " I said placing my head onto his chest . " John sat with me most of the night . I talked to him about my fears as well as my daughter 's fears . He assured me that neither my daughter nor I need fear him . I wanted to believe this man unlike any other man in my life . However , something deep within me told me , " Trust not his words . " When it came time for John to leave , I walked him to the door . I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him down to me . I kissed him deeply not out of love but out of thanks . I opened the door and as he walked out the door . John stopped and he turned around and he came back to me . He took a hold of my hand with his . He placed his other hand over top of mine . A few days later , I told John to come to dinner at 6 o ' clock . I had invited Rod and Cathy as well . Six o ' clock came and everyone was there except for John . I started to worry and think he was not coming when the clock read 7 o ' clock . The phone rang and I answered it . It was John and he told me he had lost track of time at work . He told me he would run home take a shower before coming here . I told him to come over as he was . He explained he was dirty and sweaty . About twenty minutes later , I heard John pulling up in his truck . I met him at the door and I asked him if he was here a little bit ago . Sherri was standing beside me as I did . " Run out to the front seat of my truck and you will find out why , " John replied . I watched as Sherri ran to his truck . She opened his door then climbed up grabbing something . She turned with a stuffed teddy bear almost the same size as her . She struggled to carry it as big as it was . However , the smile on her face was bigger than that bear . I held her new bear as she walked over to John motioning him down to her level . She wrapped her arms around his neck hugging him tightly . She whispered something into his ear . I held the bear in one hand as I wiped my tears away with the other . John looked at me and he whispered something back into my daughter 's ear . I knew not to ask what for neither would have told me . John removed his boots before he entered the rest of the way into the house . I told John I see that he was working , as he was dirty and sweaty . I asked him if he had a change of clothes in his truck and he told me he did . I stood there with John waiting for Sherri to return . I was about to go see what was taking her so long when she walked back into the house . Sherri had a long sad face as she handed John his bag of clothes and walked away . I walked John in the bathroom . I turned the shower on checking to make sure it was not to hot and not to cold . I went to the door closing it as I turned to him . John stood there just staring at me . John started to undress as I watched him . He slipped his pants off standing in just his jockeys and tee shirt . John lifted his tee shirt up over his chest . He had a well - built chest however ; a big X scar to the side of his chest caught my eye . He turned his back to me as he lifted the shirt over his head . I saw more scars lining his back . They looked almost like bullet holes . As he turned more sideways , I saw a black faded tattoo high on his shoulder three small J 's in an angled line . I had been around many tattoos from running with bikers . I also knew gang members often wore them as well . That might explain that scar as well as the bullet holes . John handed me his clothes as he stood there in his jockeys . I put his clothes in one hand as I held out my other hand . " Give me everything , " I said smiling at him . John turned with his manhood hanging against the side of his thigh . It was soft but was as large as some cock I had seen hard . I smiled as I looked at his cock just hanging there . He handed me his jockeys with his hand touching mine . I took his clothes and tossed them into the washer , which was off our kitchen . I returned to heat up the dinner I had made for him . Sherri came walking in and I saw she still had that long face . I asked her if something was wrong . She just shook her head no as she sat down at the table . I went to check on the laundry as I returned I saw John sitting at the kitchen table . Sherri was standing beside him with her eyes looking to the floor . I saw John look down to her and he rubbed his hand through her long blond hair as he asked her if something was wrong . I walked over to Sherri and as I took her hand , I asked her to come with me for a second . I walked her to her bedroom sitting us both down on her bed . I talked to her about John 's lose as I was not for sure if she understood . Sherri walked over and picked up her drawing pad as she told me you go be with John mommy I am going to draw for a while . I walked back into the kitchen to find Rod and Cathy sitting with John . I stopped as I entered to see Cathy staring at the X scar on the side of his chest as the muscle shirt he had worn showed it . The other shoe had finally fallen as I stood there . That man I was beginning to think was a saint may be the devil instead . I had been around some whacked out Vietnam veterans when running with bike clubs . That thought left my mind quickly as I looked to Cathy as I was thinking of her brother who took his own life . I never knew why however , I knew it had something to do with Vietnam . However even that thought left my mind as I saw the look in Cathy 's eyes as she stared at John . I had seen that same look a thousand times . Her eyes filled with a wanting look . I had never felt jealous of Cathy at anytime until then . I entered the kitchen and the four of us sat playing cards and talking . A little later Sherri came walking into the kitchen telling each of us good night . She took my hand pulling me up the back stairs to her room . She stopped at her bedroom door . She shuffled her feet and bite at her lips . I was surprised at her request , as only I had ever tucked her into bed . I knew they shared something I just did not know what . Sherri motioned me down with her finger as she does John . I bent over getting down to her level . She wrapped her arms around my neck as she kissed me on my cheek . I turned and started to walk down the stairs stopping half way down to clear the tears from my eyes . That was the first time in a very long time my daughter had told me I love you . I composed myself and walked into the kitchen . I walked him to her room and left them alone as I returned to the kitchen . I told Rod and Cathy she had never had anyone but I tuck her into bed at night . Cathy reached over and she placed her hand into mine . A few minutes later John came into the kitchen . I looked up to him and into his eyes . Then Rod and Cathy did the same . There was a single lone tear forming and about to drip from his eye . The next day John came over baring gifts . An expensive heart necklace for Sherri as well as a lovely diamond tennis bracelet for me . I told him we could not accept his gifts as they cost too much . John broke our hug as we both stared into each others eyes . I saw that fire and explosion in his eyes . Those lovely hazel eyes seemed to grow dim and fade to black dots as I stared into them . He reached up shutting his computer down as he walked from his study . I sat there thinking about what he had said as tears once again ran down my cheeks . My heart was troubled when I had met this man and he had made all my dreams come true . However , my heart was now troubled over what was troubling his . I closed this chapter with what I was thinking as I wiped my eyes with my own hands . It is something the man you know as Sgt . J and I as John showed me a long time ago . " The less you open your heart to others , the more your heart suffers . " NEVER will I ever lift a hurting hand to a woman . I did once and regretted it for a long time . . . BTW - We 've been together 60 years as of this Valentine 's Day . After reading the first book I was left with both heartache and love for everyone in your family to include Carrie and Mellissa ( sp ? . . I 'm sorry ) yet became devistated with my old demons returning to me after a long absence . I told myself I was not going to continue reading the Sgt . J . book but yet here I am and I 'm finding myself trying to find answers as so many of all of your demons do so parallel mine . At the very least let me tell all of you that you have touched my heart in a very deep way . I think John knew exactly how to deal with Kay . He could see that he must not move too fast . He wanted to make sure Kay knew that she could trust him . He knew what he wanted which was Kay , and knew how to get her . He did not want to scare her . He does not want to rush her , because he can see into her soul . He was patient , and got what he wanted . What a magnificant story !
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Today was my last day leading the exercises . Everyone wished me well . I went to Walmart afterwards and bought some groceries too be ready for when Frankie is here . I had beans cooking in the crock pot . They cooked on high for 3 odd hours and seemed done by noon . I had soaked them overnight so I can cut down on my cooking time by using the crock pot . I baked an apple pie and have 2 gallons of Blue Bell ice cream in the freezer , plus I bought a chocolate pound cake . I 've got the potatoes and eggs ready to make potato salad later and I think that will be enough food fixed . I 'm tired now after being up on my feet all day . I have too change the sheets on my bed and bathe in an antibacterial soap tonight and then again tomorrow before I go to the hospital . I have to be there at 11 : 30 AM . Trudy and Sadie will come over after Seminary so we 'll have plenty of time to get to the hospital . Frankie will just come to the hospital and be there while the operation is going on . Frank felt better today even though it was meds day . He didn 't have any fever . He 's still felt a bit bad , I think . I 'm going to rest now and then change the sheets and make the potato salad . Posted by Did the senior center . There are always more people on Mondays and it was raining , too . Janet was there . She gave me a Christmas present of a pair of reddish earrings that she had made herself . She wanted to know if she should do the exact exercises that I did and I told her , " no " , that the ladies would enjoy something new and different . She will sub for me Friday . By then I will have a new hip . At 11 : 00 AM , Ann and I VT Mary Lou and saw the new sister , CeCe , who is on our list . Her child had strep throat so we didn 't go in . I took her a neck brace that Frank didn 't use and she thanked me for it . She has some major problems with her spine . I look forward to getting to know this sister and see how we can help her . My hip and leg are bothering me know . It 's as medium sized ache that is rather uncomfortable . I will be glad when this pain is gone . I know I 'll have other pains to contend with but they will ultimately heal and go away . Just 3 more days now . I still haven 't heard from the hospital about when to arrive . If I don 't get anything in the mail tomorrow , I will call the hospital . The surgery is at 2 PM Thursday , but I need to know when to get there to get ready . Frank woke up with fevers again today . It was only 101 . 9 degrees but it still had him mixed up . Going up on the prednesone didn 't help keep the fevers away . We both had blessings Sunday and I wanted the fevers to stay away . Maybe they will be there but will be manageable . I had wanted to go to Sear 's to return some Land 's End stuff , but Frank woke up with fevers and I didn 't feel like I could go off and leave him . Plus , my right hip is hurting and I didn 't want to do a lot of walking and be tired for Sunday . I won 't be in Primary because Sis . Schwindiman is substituting for me in Primary so she will know what the Primary children are doing for Christmas . I will be going into the hospital in 4 more days and won 't be able to play for the children . I cooked a pot of beef goulash and washed two loads of clothes . Frank vacuumed and I helped out some . I really didn 't feel like vacuuming but the floors surely look better after it 's done . I got a card from my friend Diane Butler today . She remembered my surgery and wrote a short note . She didn 't include her return address but I had her email address and wrote her a thank you and told her to send me her address . Every now and then , I like to send a card to people . They had some new toys at the senior center and one was an air hockey machine . While we were exercising two people tried to play it but we all were hollering for them to wait until exercise was over . They did . I 'm glad to see new things at the center . Afterwards , I went shopping at Walmart . I bought a few things . I got some chicken breasts and broccoli and rice for a new recipe . I fixed it for lunch and I really didn 't like the taste very much . I put the rest of it in the freezer for when Frankie is here . I put the rest of the pork chops in the freezer too . I plan to buy a hen to put in the crock pot the day I have to go to the hospital so there will be food in the house for Dad and Frankie . I have to let the Relief Society President know what meals we will need . I 'm not good at planning ahead . The shopping really tired me out . I rested all afternoon . My hip and knee hurt but the time for the Tylenol came and I got some relief then . The hip woke me up at 6 AM this morning . The hospital has to send me some information on when to arrive for the operation . I have the instructions on bathing and the stuff I have to bathe with and I know not to eat or drink anything after 12 : 00 AM Thursday morning . The surgery is at 2 PM and I won 't get anything to eat after that . I hope I won 't get hungry during that time . I look forward when there won 't be any pain in my hip and knee . The hip pain radiates to the knee so when the knee hurts , it 's really the hip that 's complaining . Mary Kate emailed and said Richard has pneumonia . She got Nate well and Richard came down with it . She needs to get the pneumonia vaccine quick ! I really don 't think it 's catching but you can never be too careful . I stayed home all day . I got up at 6 : 30 AM because I didn 't turn my alarm off and decided to get up and fix some bacon . Frank wanted pancakes but the only baking mix I had was non gluten . The pancakes were okay . I just finished a big box of Aunt Jemima pancake mix and it was excellent . I couldn 't find it when I looked for it again . I 'll need to get something for pancakes . Bisquick makes heavy pancakes but it makes lots of other stuff too . I was looking for some chicken strips I thought I had frozen but I thawed two large pork chops so I fixed them for supper . I breaded them with whole wheat flour and fried them and then put some chicken stock in with then and cooked them slowly so they would be tender . They were tender , but didn 't have much taste . Frank doesn 't want to eat any more pork chops so I have the equivalent of one port chop left which I guess I will eat or else throw away - no , I 'll keep it for when Frankie is here My hip has been hurting in between Tylenol doses . The pain shows up in the knee . It hurts when I lie down . Soon it will be all over . I went to exercise today . I wasn 't in much discomfort since I stopped taking the Arthrotec . I take Tylenol instead and it takes the edge off any pain . Sitting down helps the hip . When the hip gets sore , I feel it in my knee . I use the hot pad at night sometimes . I left the house at 11 : 00 AM today and got to Crestwood at 10 : 55 AM . Trudy went to the cafeteria instead of coming to the Outpatient part . She phoned me when I was waiting for her and we met at the cafeteria . Sadie had gotten her Pea coat and it looked good . The joint clinic wasn 't very helpful and the preregistration took a long time . I got to pee in a cup and get an electrocardiogram and answer lots of health questions , then I was through . I got home at 5 : 00 PM . Frank 's right ankle - tendon is swollen up . I think it 's the arthritis but we might go in to see Dr . Walker and see what can be done about it , if anything . Dr . Phillips is gone for a couple of months . Friday Joyce gave me a gift card to Walmart and today Betty cave me 4 pair of white socks , some pecans and a nice note . We had a good exercise class . I went by Janet 's house and gave her the plant I had gotten for her . She loved it . She said that she could sub for me most of January . I hope by then I will be rocking and rolling but I might still need some help . I really appreciate her help . The ladies at the senior center said that they could handle the times neither I or Janet would be there . I called Trudy to confirm that she would be going with me to the joint clinic Wednesday . We will meet at Crestwood at 12 : 00 PM and eat lunch at the cafeteria and then attend the class . I want to find out about the rehab that everyone has been asking if I will go . I 'd like to go if it 's offered and the insurance will pay for it . Ann and I went VT today . Saw Karen . She and Ken are packing , getting ready to drive 1 , 900 miles to Utah for a family Christmas . I hope his car will make the trip alright . He knows about the insides of the car and knows if it 's trip worthy or not . We may see Mary Lou Friday at 1 PM . We stopped by the address for a sister and a young man came out and told us the sister didn 't live there . We 'll turn her name in to the Relief Society . Ann found another sister in town we are to visit . Maybe we can count that as a visit for the month . She will see Glenda one day when I can 't go . I need to send her a Christmas card . Attended tithe settlement Sunday and got to declare that we were full tithe payers for the year . What a blessing tithe paying is . The Lord provides for those who keep His commandments . My hip hasn 't bothered me too much today . It hurts mostly in my right knee instead of the hip . The pain must telescope down to the knee . It 's 10 days before the surgery . I washed 2 loads of clothes and folded them and put them away . Watched the Alabama vs . Georgia football play offs - SEC championship game . Trudy came over for a short visit and brought me a nice stainless steel electric skillet . It was a short visit but a good one . The football game was a great one and Alabama won by 3 - 4 points in the last minutes of the game . They will get to play in the National Championship game against Notre Dame . It would be great to be National Champions again . I cooked our supper in the new skillet . I didn 't have all the ingredients and added this and that but Frank said it tasted good . It wasn 't ready for supper so we 'll have it for lunch tomorrow . It had hamburger , tomatoes , kidney beans , onion , tomato soup , which I didn 't have so I put tomato sauce and some added sugar , and some pasta and a can of Rotel tomatoes . It made a skillet full so I hope we 'll like it . Janet came to the exercise class today . She went through the exercises with us and said she enjoyed them . Joyce gave me a Christmas card with a $ 20 . 00 Walmart gift card in it . That was so sweet and unexpected . I went to Walmart for a few things and then to Lowe 's too get a lamp shade and plant . The lamp shade in my room just fell to the ground all by itself yesterday so I had to get a new one . I found a nice plant for Janet for Christmas . Then I went to The Shoe Dept . to get me a new pair of bedroom slippers . Got them home and they were too short . I had tried one one at the store but I didn 't stand up in it so I didn 't notice that they were too short . I can 't find the receipt but I have the tag with the price on it . I 'll take them back tomorrow and see if they have a 9 in the style . I can take Janet 's plant to her , too . I just don 't know how I 'm going to feel when I stop the pain meds . The one day that I was late taking them , I had a serious pain in my right hip and if that comes back , I 'll be in bad shape . I was walking through Walmart today thinking what if I couldn 't go strolling along doing what I needed to do . How would it feel ? Not good , I 'm sure . Ann and I went VT to Mary Lou 's today . Had a nice visit . Got back home and fixed lunch . I had cooked the 15 Bean Soup in the crock pot on low all night and this morning I turned it up on high . By lunch time the beans were thoroughly cooked . I had put too much water in them and had to dip it out but the beans were done . Now to see if Frank likes the way the beans turned out . I 'll be ready to go to the temple by 3 : 00 this afternoon . Karen usually comes by soon after that . Summer - Rae is going too so it should be a good trip . She always has something to talk about where as I 'm pretty quiet . Last night my hip was bothering me and I couldn 't get too sleep . I got a heating pad for the hip and turned it on high . It felt good but I fell asleep with it on high and I woke up during the night with my hip itching badly . I got up and put some alcohol on it and fell asleep again . The skin was splotchy this morning . Won 't put it on high again . It 's 2 weeks before my surgery and my hip is hurting more . I 'm afraid it will hurt a lot after I stop taking the Arthrotec . I still have exercises to lead and hope I 'll be able to do it . Frank had fevers this morning but he wasn 't so bad that I couldn 't go out . I had to lead the exercises at the senior center and we had a good morning . I got to talk to the ladies and that is always good . Janet is coming Friday to sit in and see what we do . She is thinking of doing some of the classes for me when I 'm recovering from my operation . I hope she will fill in the entire time I 'm gone . She will have fun with the ladies . Wish I could be there . Who knows , we might incorporate some of the things she does in our routine . I had a workout with Janet today . I didn 't make an appointment for next week because I won 't be taking any Arthrotec and might be in pain . I just don 't know . I 'll contact her one way or the other . Went VT today . Saw Karen and found the house of a new sister we have but she wasn 't home . We left her a note and an orange and grapefruit that Ann had brought back from Florida . Moved my room around so I can get into bed on my left side . With my right hip being operated on I couldn 't get into bed on that side . Next week I 'll have to stop taking the Arthrotec for 10 days before the operation . I 'll really get to see what pains me then . I expect my back will hurt and I know my hip will hurt , too . I 'm not looking forward to that . Don 't know if I should decorate for Christmas or not . I 'll have a week before and two weeks after Christmas to enjoy the decorations , mainly the tree , before they have to be taken down . Will I feel like taking them down ? I guess Frank could do it . The tree is a very small one with lights on it . In fact , I leave all the decorations on the tree and just unplug it and put in storage so when I get it out it will be all decorated . My Dad used to do that and I got it from him . I had a good exercise class and came home right afterwards . Did my pills and then exercised some downstairs . I was all ready to ride my bike but the resistance wouldn 't work . Later , Frank checked it and the batteries were dead . I 've had the bike since ' 09 . We replaced the batteries and it worked fine . I didn 't exercise on it then . Will have to do it another day . Tomorrow , Ann and I will go VT to see Karen and try to find a new sister who has been put on our route . Wednesday , I see Janet and Thursday Ann is trying to see if we can see Mary Lou Thursday morning . We 're going to the temple Thursday afternoon . The day after family left has been one of rest . I did go to town to mail a box to Frankie of the things that were left behind and I stopped in at Goody 's to take back a coat I had ordered online that was too small , but then I came home . We watched the Auburn - Alabama football game and Alabama won big time . Will spend the rest of the day getting ready for Sunday . We slept in and didn 't rush out to shop . I fried a pound of bacon and made regular and non gluten pancakes for everyone . We left the house around 10 : 00 AM . We stopped at Kohl 's first as it was on the way to H ' ville . Nate got a jacket and I found a dark red cross over purse that was originally $ 29 . 00 but with my $ 10 . 00 free Kohl 's card and a 25 % off card , I only payed about $ 15 . 00 for a leather purse . I like it but will have to get used to where everything is in it . We met Sadie and Trudy at Game Stop and Sadie came with us shopping . She bought a set of earphones at Game Stop and then didn 't have the money for her shoes she wanted at Dick 's . We went to Hancock 's fabric for Mary Kate to get some burlap and then Best Buy where Richard bought something for his new camera . We went to Burlington Coat Factory where Sadie looked for a pea coat but she either didn 't like the styles or they didn 't have her size . They are wool and black and will show every little hair and speck . I 'll tell her about that . With two dogs at home , her coat would pick up all the hair of the dogs . We come on home after that . Everyone was hungry and maybe a bit tired . After lunch , Mary Kate started packing up and getting ready to go home to Trudy 's . They are staying 2 nights at their house . Luke left his jacket , and I found a pair of sun glasses that belong to Frankie and I included a small purse for Mariam in the box I packed up to send to Knoxville . Frankie and family came for lunch today . Mary Kate and family were already here . The kids played outside and had fun and Mary Kate and I made food to take to Trudy 's . We all went to Trudy 's at 6 PM and had a great time together as a family . Frankie and family left to go back to their motel when we left . They will travel home tomorrow morning and we will go shopping on Black Friday . The Walmart shopping was full of cars when we drove by tonight . There will be crowds tomorrow when we go out . I 'll really too tired to remember much of the day . Got up at 7 AM and cooked potatoes in the microwave and cooked eggs there too . Made two pans of brownies , one non - gluten and one regular . Made potato salad and went to Janet 's at 11 : 00 AM . I had to do some last minute shopping at Walmart ( third time this week ) , stopped by the pharmacy and then came home . Mary Kate just called , 7 : 30 PM , Central time , and said that they were coming into H ' ville and would stop by and get Sadie and then be on over here . Sadie was at the motel with Frankie 's kids swimming . The motel has an indoor pool . A lady from CASA came to the Relief Society meeting tonight and told us about the organization and what it 's needs were . It was very enlightening . It works entirely on volunteers , and serves the needs of the aged and home bound in Limestone Co . We tried to get the gas heater lit today but failed and called the gas company . Someone will be out tomorrow to look at it . We may have a part to replace . We 've had the stove 22 years . Got it in 1990 . It 's given us good service . Frankie called this afternoon and told us of a place , motel , where they would like to stay . It 's a suite hotel with an indoor pool and sleeps 6 . It $ 87 . 00 and night and we are going to pay for an extra night for them . I told them to stay at the suite hotel . They will have more fun there . The plans are that they will come here Thursday for lunch and we will visit until it 's time to go over to Trudy 's for the Thanksgiving feast . Mary Kate and family will arrive here Wednesday evening and will stay Wed . night and Thurs . night here and spend Friday night with Trudy and family . We will be going shopping Black Friday . I always look forward to shopping on Black Friday and going to Penny 's and getting a new purse . I want another cross body purse . After exercise , I went to Walmart to buy the Thanksgiving supplies . I saw Reba there . She hasn 't come to exercise for a long time . Seems like she 's been sick . She had heard of my surgery so I guess the grape vine is doing well and good . She said she would be back when she could . Janet said she could take over for me some of the time . I see her Wed . at 11 AM and I will ask her then how long she can do it . I told the ladies that they would really like Janet and would have a fun time with her . They were glad to know they would still be able to have the exercise class . I went into town again to get my bras from Lou 's . I only got two instead of three . I 'll have to call her tomorrow about it . Each bra cost $ 41 . 00 . Medicare pays for it . I wonder how much longer we 'll have Medicare . I got some non gluten brownies to make when Mary Kate and Mariam are here for Thanksgiving . I think it 's Mariam that 's allergic to gluten . I also got some almond milk . Walmart will be open Thanksgiving so if we need something , we can always go there . I got a sliced ham for lunch Wednesday when Frankie 's family is here . I got lots of bread for the sandwiches . I know I won 't have something someone will want . I got a lettuce for the sandwiches and I already have some dill pickles and mustard . Got two kind of cheeses , too . Got kool - aid for drinks and will have the brownies for desert . I 'll make some regular brownies for the gluten people . Then we will go over to Trudy 's for Thanksgiving dinner Thursday . Frankie and family will leave Friday morning , and we will go Black Friday shopping . Rachel called about 9 AM and said the she and Frankie and family were coming to Thanksgiving . I didn 't know what to tell her because we aren 't having Thanksgiving here . She said she would call Mary Kate and talk to her . I really don 't know what 's happening right now . At first , Rachel said they would stay in a motel and Dad and I could pay for them to stay another day . They would come Wednesday sometime and go back Friday morning . Now , Mary Kate emails me and says that Trudy was feeling left out somehow and emailed Frankie and told them they could stay at her house . We were going to have Thanksgiving Saturday but now it might be Thursday . . . I don 't really now at this point . I washed three loads of clothes and practiced the piano and vacuumed the floor , mopped in front of the bird cages and put the leaf in the kitchen table . The oval tablecloth I was saving for when I used the leaf was too big so I threw it away . Made in China . Frank mopped his bathroom floor and we vacuumed in his room . They were having something at the Event Center today and we didn 't have exercise at the senior center . I went over to Wanda 's house after lunch to visit her . She is in a large back brace to help stabilize her back after she broke it . One of their grandchildren was there . After I left , I stopped by Goody 's and spent some money . I got 2 pull overs and some earrings . I need another box to hold my new jewelry . I 've culled some earrings out to give away and I need to cull more . I got a box of 6 small earrings that will be good to wear daily when I 'm not going out . I hate to not wear earrings since I have holes in my ears ! I drove Frank 's car today . It 's never used anymore and it needs driving . I discovered that the air conditioning does work . After the battery went dead , I couldn 't get the air to cool , so I figured it was broken . But the air button wasn 't pushed in . The radio works too . Seems like it was all static after the battery went dead and we replaced it . Sophrona called at 9 AM to say that they had sickness at their house and didn 't want to bring it here so Carrielee wouldn 't be coming for her piano lesson . I just went back to bed until 10 : 00 . I got up and got dressed for the funeral that was at the church . Susan Harris ' mother had died and the funeral was today . I couldn 't stay for the funeral for I had a 2 : 30 PM appointment , but I wanted to pay my respects to the family . I had a good work out with Janet and she said she would substitute some at the senior center for me . I was happy to hear that . She will be a good substitute for me and the things we normally do . Summer - Rae said she would sub for me in Primary , so that 's taken care of . My right hip is hurting more and the pain meds aren 't covering it up like they did . It 's really time for me to get a hip replacement . Janet was saying that I would be a good patient because I was in good physical health . I plan to be a good patient . Pain makes a difference and if I can get through the pain , I 'll have an advantage over the situation . I need to borrow a straight chair with arms to sit in when I get home . Maybe Karen has one I can borrow . Frank said we could buy one , but what would we do with it after I didn 't need it ? The house is too full of things now as it is . Frank had fevers again this morning so he 's going up on his meds . The fevers leave him very weak and a bit disoriented . It 's getting where it 's hard for him to walk now . He just lays in bed all day and his leg muscles are very weak . I hope he can get some exercise somehow . I used the new music at the senior center today . " What Cats Like When You 're Gone " . It is mainly modern piano music with some bird sounds , etc . in it . I liked it and the exercises went along nicely with it . We won 't be having exercise Friday . Everyone 's invited to the Event Center for something . After exercises , I came home and got the grocery list and went back into town and went to Walmart . I bought some Pj 's . They 're fleece and they are very light and hopefully it 'll get cold enough to wear them . I have to take up the length of the pants and the sleeves of the shirt . I bought three powdered milks for we are getting low on our supply of milk . They are about $ 17 . 68 a 20 qt . box . I fixed the succotash recipe this afternoon . It called for two slices of bacon to be cut up and cooked crispy . The bag of corn and the bag of butter beans , the 3 / 4 c . of half and half and bacon made a large dish of succotash . It was good . I guess I 'll cook some broccoli and cauliflower to take along with the succotash for Thanksgiving . We 've having the feast on Saturday instead of Turkey day . I have been wanting a new pair of bedroom slippers and bought a pair at Walmart but would like something more substantial . I ordered a pair online from Kohl 's and they came in today . They are the adjustable kind with Velcro on the tops but the inside of the overlap on one of the slippers dug into my toes , so they will go back . I 'll just have to keep looking . I got my last slippers at The Shoe Dept . Posted by I spent the day with Trudy and Sadie . We drove to the bank and store to get food for lunch . I had brought her a lot of genealogy . She knows how to use the church internet to find out who has had their work done . I got to love on Carheartt . Benny and another dog had to stay outside so Carheartt got all the loving . We had a nice visit and I got home about 3 : 00 PM . Trudy said she wanted to be with me when I went to my joint class at Crestwood Hospital , Dec . 5th . It will be good to have someone with me . Tonight , I went to the Pink Ribbon Cancer support group at the hospital ed room . There is a new lady who is going to run the meetings and I think she will make a big difference in how the meetings go and I hope she will be able to bring the ladies back who don 't come now . Her name is Tammy and she is just finishing up with her cancer treatments . In December of 2012 , it will be 10 years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer . So far so good in it not coming back . This morning I ate some prepared oatmeal and then went back to bed because it was a holiday and the senior center wasn 't open . I realized that Frank hadn 't eaten breakfast with me and went in to find that he had a fever . I gave his some Tylenol and went back to bed . He acted okay but then I heard a crash and he called out to me . He had fallen and was lying on the floor of his bedroom . I couldn 't get him up so I called our Home Teacher , Bob , and asked him to come over and help me , but Frank was able to get up by himself and get to the bathroom . I called Bob and told him not to come . I then realized that Frank hadn 't taken his AM meds so I had to give them to him . He wasn 't out of his mind so he took them and slept until 1 o ' clock when the TV man came to see about the TV . Frank had to get up to talk to him and later stayed on his living room bed . He had a rough day . Tomorrow should be better , I hope , because I 'm going to Trudy 's to take her some genealogy she 's been wanting . I hope he 's better because I really want to get out tomorrow . I cooked a pot of beef goulash and baked a turkey roast . We were out of cooked food . I microwaved the frozen ground beef and went from there . The turkey roast cooked for 2 1 / 2 hours . It was a nice meal . We had potatoes and cauliflower and had the roast gravy on the potatoes . Yesterday , I read a couple of hours in the Calling All Cooks recipe book looking for something I could take to Trudy 's for Thanksgiving . A lot of recipes called for cream soups and Mary Kate can 't eat anything creamed like that . The recipes took a lot to time to prepare and cook . That was a cookbook that was made when women stayed home and cooked for their families - mostly from scratch , no prepared foods . I plan to make a succotash dish that has half and half in it , but I 'll make a plain dish too so Mary Kate can have some . Ruth and I met at the Train Depot in H ' ville and went to the craft fair at the Round House ( where the trains were turned around ) . It was full of people . I got a pretty multicolored glass bead necklace and some copper earrings , and a walking stick that had hand painted flowers on it . It only cost $ 12 . 00 and is very pretty . I figure I 'll be needing a walking stick after my hip replacement . It 'll be after I 've healed up quite a bit for it doesn 't give lots of support . We had lunch at Rosie 's Canteen and it very good . Then we went to Lowe Mills . It is an old Mill that has been turned into an artist 's place . I bought a pair of earrings that were made out of rolled paper , sculpted and with a small bead on the end . They are unique . Ruth bought some things there , too . It was a fun day and I got home at 4 PM . I went to H ' ville for my prolia shot and then went to Sam 's to shop . I was tired when I went to Sam 's and after I got home and unloaded the groceries , I was really tired . I got 3 - 4 cases of corn , green beans and peas . Got some toilet paper and Bounty paper towels . An old friend , Nick Hobbs , Sr . , 98 , died today . My childhood friend Nickey Hobbs had already passed away and this was his father . My brother and I were friends of the Hobbs family . Tomorrow , I 'm going to meet Ruth and we 're going to craft fairs . It will be a fun day . I 'm going to quit now . I 'm tired . Carrielee came for her piano lesson . They haven 't gotten the piano at their new house yet , but we played over some old pieces and learned about flats and sharps and worked in the theory book . She then learned the 1chord in C major and the 5 - 7 chord in C . I told her that was the most important thing she learned today . She brought me three chocolate chip whole wheat cookies that she had made and they were delicious ! Her mother brought me a small Bell pepper and the birds enjoyed eating the seeds . I had a workout with Janet this afternoon and then I went to Burke 's Outlet and bought a griddle for Trudy . Her 's wore out and Burke 's advertized a large griddle for $ 9 . 99 . I was afraid they might be sold out but they had several left . I bought one for Trudy . I 'm going over to her house next Tuesday to do genealogy with her and I can take it to her then . I sent her some money for the Court of Honor and for Thanksgiving . We 'll all bring things to eat , too . Posted by During exercise , the CD messed up . I had another of the University of Mississippi choral singers but that 's not a good one to exercise to . I came home and combed through the rest of my CD 's and came up with three . One is a New Age CD . The music is mostly from synthesizers and it has no definite rhythm to it . The other two CD 's are classical music . One a Bach cello solos and the other Mozart favorites . I don 't know how the ladies will like it but I will see . Maybe I can look at a CD store . Frank had an appointment to see Dr Walker today at 3 : 30 PM . We waited an hour to see him . They were busy today . Everything is okay with Frank , except for the usual aches and pains . Thursday , tomorrow , Carrielee will come for her piano lesson and I will exercise with Janet . I have been exercising at home so maybe Janet 's work out won 't be too hard . Friday , I go to H ' ville to get my Prolia shot , then Saturday , I 'll drive back to H ' ville to meet Ruth at The Train Depot to have lunch and go to two craft fairs . I look forward to the craft fairs , and the lunch and seeing Ruth , too . I had to take the car in to get the trunk fixed . The man came out and I opened the trunk and her bent the trunk on both sides with his hands and bingo , it was fixed . No cost . I then drove to the place where I vote and cast by ballot for Mitt Romney . We haven 't watched the election results for it 's just too nerve wracking . I found some genealogy material when I was looking for another thing and found the information the Trudy was looking for on Aunt Mary Peg , who passed away several years ago . I called her and we talked for an hour . We 'll get together next Tuesday and I 'll bring some genealogy material to her and we can sift through the information . I told the ladies at the senior center about my surgery . I may be out 6 weeks . I can go back for sure when I can drive again . This Saturday , Ruth and I are going to meet at the Train Depot at 11 : 00 AM . They are having a craft fair at the Train Depot and then we 'll go to Low Mills to see their fair . We 'll eat lunch sometime between the two craft fairs . I 'm really enjoying wearing my new blue jeans . I think I was born in blue jeans . I wore my new jacket this morning . It 's fleece and light weight and is supposed to be warm . It 's a pretty purple color . I took my car to Bradford 's body shop today and they said the springs on the trunk were bad and to bring it back tomorrow for a half of day and they could fix it . Karen said she could follow me in to droop off the car . I ruined the springs when I tried to force the trunk down on a bale of straw that I was carrying home to put on the well top . I didn 't know I was strong enough to bend the trunk of my car ! I left the house this morning near 9 : 30 to go to the Fitness Park to participate in the 1st annual Sherri Adams Pink Ribbon Run / Walk . The runners were finishing the race and around 10 : 00 the cancer survivors walked around the fitness park . There were a lot of people there and they cheered the survivors as we walked around the park . Afterwards , I went by the Salvation Army to leave some clothes and a magazine stand . I went to Walmart for a tarp to put in my trunk . While I was getting a bale of straw into my trunk , I slammed the trunk down too hard and now it leaks . I 'll take it to the Honda place in H ' ville and get it fixed next week . I 'm trying to get used to the fact that I 'm having my hip replaced December 13th . I 'm reading the material the Dr 's office gave me . I 'm most worried about the hip popping out . I 've got to be able to sit in a car . I want to go to Forrest 's Court of Honor December 21st but that 's only 8 days after the operation and I may not be able to do it . I had several friends comment on Facebook and give me encouragement . That was nice . I just wrote , " Bad news . I have to have my right hip replaced December 13 " . I don 't usually write anything but I needed to write that . I got two new pair of jeans I ordered from Kohl 's . I went by my measurements and the size fit . They look and feel good . They are Lee jeans and cost $ 37 . 00 a pair . It surely is nice to buy things online and not have the hassle of going to the stores and trying on everything . Don 't get me wrong - I still love to shop , but it 's nice to get the right size online . I even know what shoe size to order and get the right fit . Saw Dr . Alexander today and got x - rays of my hip and back . They came with bad news . I have some degeneration in my lower back which doesn 't hurt much , but my right hip is bone on bone . Arthrotec must be a powerful drug , for it masked the hip pain I should have been having all along the time my hip was wearing away . I scheduled a hip replacement for Dec . 13 , 1012 at 2 PM at Crestwood Hospital . I won 't be able to drive for 6 weeks and that will kill me - ha . I can still take the Arthrotec until 10 days prior to the surgery . I was going to feed Karen 's cats while she was away in Dec . , but I won 't be able to do it now . I won 't be able to play the Christmas music for the choir . I hope I 'll be able to go see Forrest 's Court of Honor , December 21st . I registered for a cancer walk / run tomorrow at 10 AM . I stopped by and got a packet today . I had stopped taking Arthrotec for my Dr . visit but took it when I got home . I don 't think my hip will keep me from walking . Today I took the birds to Hartselle to see Doc Jan . I got there 10 minutes early and had to wait and then was put in a room and had to wait 65 minutes . Doc Jan takes as long as she needs with each patient and she even made a phone call while we were waiting ! The bird all got trims . It cost $ 149 . - - It costs more when you have more than one pet . She 's worth every cent . I also got some more medicine to put in Rikki 's water . Her tumor is slow growing and Rikki seems to be in good spirits and feeling fine . It will take her life , eventually . Gert was 24 years old in 1987 or 1997 so he 's well into his 30 's . He and Rosko has a wheeze so we need to mist them once a day . I 'm to blame for not spraying Gert for I have to do it in his cage and it makes such a mess . Just a light misting each day won 't be so bad , so I can do that . I haven 't decided whether to stop taking Arthrotec before I see Dr . Alexander tomorrow . If I do , I 'll probably hurt a lot and it would be good for him to see me in pain . I want to see what the x - rays show . It 's probably arthritis in the right hip . The Arthrotec has been hiding the hip pain , and a lot of age related pain - haha . After I got the birds back home and had lunch , I went back out and had the car washed . It was a mess and I don 't like driving a really messy car . The price went up from $ 5 . 00 to $ 6 . 00 for a basic wash . I took Frank into town today . We had to go by the courthouse annex too quality for the homestead exemption and he wanted to vote absentee . There were a lot of people with the same idea and we had to wait in line until it was his turn to vote . I 'll be voting by myself November 6th . Next year we won 't wait until the last day to absentee vote and it will be better . We didn 't know anything about it until we read about it in the paper . I received a package I ordered from Land 's End and it was a red coat but it was a size too small . It would have been an excellent addition to my wardrobe if it fit . Maybe I 'll keep it to see if Mary Kate can wear it . If not , I can return it to Sear 's . Posted by Tomorrow will be the last day that I help feed the animals . Ken is coming home Thursday and will take care of them himself . I got the last bowl out of the dog food bag today . It looked like it was just opened when I started helping with the animals . Karen had to lift 50 lb sacks of feed and put them into the steel garbage cans when they would run out . The weather wasn 't much colder today than yesterday but the wind was blowing and make if feel like it was colder . I ordered two pair of blue jeans from Khol 's today . I don 't have any jeans from last year and I need some jeans . I don 't need any more pants now . Hopefully they will fit . They are Lee jeans . I ordered a cross body purse from Goody 's that was 50 % off . It should be larger than the black cross body purse I 'm carrying now . It 's nice not to have to carry a purse and have one of your hands occupied when you 're shopping . I didn 't go to the political meeting tonight . I was tired from shopping and decided I knew who I was going to vote for . I would have gone if I had had someone to go with me . Sis . Harris fell down the stairs and broke her ankle and one of the bones in her lower leg . It was a compound fracture . She 'll be in a cast for 3 months and can 't put any weight on her leg for that long . I sent her a get well card and she sent a sweet note back to me . Went to the senior center and over to feed the animals . Ken is coming home Thursday and he will be feeding them then . I bet he will be glad to get back to feeding and taking care of his " buddies " . The leaves are falling and are filling up the ditch out beside the road . After they all fall off , we will have to have Steve rake them up and get them out of the pipe so it won 't be clogged up . The burn pile needs to be taken care of , but I don 't think it will . We really have to because the fire will be too big if we let it get larger . It has a large tree stump in it now and that will take a long time to burn . I guess we will have to get Bobby to burn the pile for us . I will get them two steaks for helping us do it . Tomorrow night at Athens State is a political discussion about the up coming election and I think I will go . I 'll have to go by myself because Karen doesn 't care for political things . I don 't either , but I want to be informed at election time because there are local people on the ballet and at least three amendments and I want to know how to vote on them . I don 't think I will see Janet this week until after I see the Dr . I really need to start exercising at home again . It 's fun after I get started . Going to Curves was helping keep my muscles in shape and I don 't do that anymore . I 'll get started again after I see the Dr . Posted by Sunday , the choir sang , " Sweet Hour of Prayer " . Sophrona played the flute and I played the piano for the choir . The song 's accompaniment had large stretches for the left hand and I missed some of the notes . I don 't think it was noticeable sing the choir was singing and the flute was playing . I just have to give up the thought of playing without any mistakes . I can play the pieces at home without any mistakes but that 's not the case when I perform . I do have more self - confidence and don 't get so nervous when I have to play . We had a bit of cold weather these past two days . It was 46 degrees when I got up Saturday and it was cool this morning . Surely , warmer weather will still be with us . It usually doesn 't get really cold until after Christmas . Trudy , Sadie and I went to Sheffield and Tuscumbia and Florence today and I narrated as we went along . I got your nice gift today ! I love the bag . It is too small to be my Sunday music bag . . . not really , if I don 't try to put the pillow in it . I love it . It looks so good . I can use it when I go to Trudy 's to spend the night for black Friday . Thank you so much . You can 't get it back now . You 'll have to pry it out of my cold , dead hands - hahahaha ! It must have cost a lot because it looks so good . Trudy , Sadie and I went to Sheffield today . We stopped at Hardies in Rogersville and ate lunch . We had some soft taco wraps . I don 't really like to eat something that when I take a bite out of one end , food falls out of the other . . . but I ate it anyway . It cost me $ 17 . 00 plus . I wasn 't expecting that much from a burger joint . We drove over Wheeler dam and on to Sheffield that way . We drove through downtown Sheffield and it is almost a ghost town . We went up to the stand pipe - water tank - and looked at the Tennessee river . I told Sadie that my brother and I would look for arrowheads along the banks of the river when we were younger . We stopped by Granddaddy 's old house and Trudy took some pictures of it . It 's a wonder that it is still standing . She had Grampie 's camera . I had my camera too , but I only took one picture . We drove over to Tuscumbia and I showed them Deshler High School where Granddaddy went to high school and the house he was born in . Then we drove by the court house and on to the old soda shop that 's been renewed . Have we been there ? I can 't think of the name right now . The bathroom walls are papered in old pink receipts . I got a Pepsi with two scoops of Blue Bell ice cream in it with whip cream and a cherry on top . Trudy and Sadie got waffle cones and ice cream . Then we drove down into Spring Park . Everything was closed but you could see the merry - go - round and the other rides . We went to the cemetery next . I was amazed at how much I have forgotten about the family that 's out there . I guess you loose what you don 't lFrom an email I sent to Mary Kate telling her about our trip and thanking her for a gift . I led the exercises and then came back home and we left at 10 : 00 AM to go to H ' ville for a Dr . appointment . On the way home , we stopped at the Wendy 's drive through and got two bowls of chili and some spoons . Last time I ate at Wendy 's , they had soup spoons for the chili . Frank broke his favorite plastic soup spoon and we thought we would be able to replace it at Wendy 's but no . The chili was excellent and we will be eating there more after trips to the Dr . I practiced the piano . Sophrona and Carrielee are coming over tomorrow morning . Sophrona is learning the flute part on a song we are singing in choir Sunday morning and she wants to practice with the piano . Then Carrielee will have her piano lesson , and I will go over to feed the animals . We 're going to the temple tomorrow afternoon . Bro . Decker sent me a basket made be the natives from where he is staying . It 's made of Palm leaves and other grasses and has little shells lining the edges of the basket . Karen had put some chocolate chip cookies in it . It was because I 'm helping feed the animals . The animals will really be spoiled by the time he gets back . My hip was okay today . I still can feel a bit of pain in it but not like yesterday . It 's strange for I have missed my PM meds several times before and never had any pain . Maybe my hip has just gotten worse . I 'll see Dr . Alexander in two weeks and get x - rays . I thought of not taking my pain meds before I see the Dr . but I 'm afraid that the pain might be too bad for me to drive over to Madison , so I don 't think I 'll skip the medicine . Slept in and then went to feed the animals . Karen was out with the chickens . She decided to fix some stones that were next to the chicken coop that the birds pooped on and she had to clean up . She removed the stones so the chickens will poop on the ground . All was well with the other animals . She was to get some hay delivered today sometime . Ken sent me a beautiful hand woven basket and Karen had filled it with chocolate chip cookies . I ate three on the way home . Did the exercises today and learned that two of the ladies that used to come to the class had died . Erma and Virginia . We didn 't know that Virginia was that sick . While I was home getting ready to go feed the animals , I noticed that my right hip was sending pains down to my knee . I was able to do the work at Karen 's but it was getting worse . When I got home , I saw that I had not taken my AM meds so took them then at 12 : 00 PM . The pain got so bad that I had to uses a cane to walk with . I called Dr . Alexander 's office and got an appointment in two weeks . I lay down for an hour and when I got up , I could walk okay . My hip is still a bit sore but I don 't have the pain I had . I think the pain medicine that 's always in my system ran out and then I felt what I would feel if I weren 't taking the medicine . It 's time I found out what is going on with my hip . Got up again at 10 : 00 AM and went to feed the animals at 10 : 45 AM . Got home at 12 : 00 PM and fixed lunch . Afterwards , I cooked a pot of goulash . Frank vacuumed and I damp mopped the floors . There was a lot of dust on everything . Frank does a better job of vacuuming than I do . He 's more thorough . Watched some football this afternoon . BYU vs . Notre Dame . BYU lost . Alabama is playing Tennessee now . Think I will read instead of watching the game . Mary Kate has a 31 or 61 party tonight . She emailed me the catalog but they 'd have to see it in person to decide if it were large enough for everything to fit . The one I 'm using now is rather garish - it has purple and white stripes on it . I 'd like something in black . They 're having a indexing party at the church tonight where people who are indexers are bringing their laptops and are working on indexing . Since I didn 't like indexing and am not doing it , I wasn 't interested in going . I hope everyone has lots of fun . Our Primary Program is coming up soon . Hopefully , Bro . Newell is aware of it and will start practicing the songs again . The kids know the songs but we still need to run through them . We 'll have one practice in the chapel before the program . Posted by I had exercise and a piano lesson and feeding the animals but after lunch , I 've not done much . I need to go down and practice the piano but I don 't want to . Maybe because it 's cool in the basement , who knows . . . ( the Shadow knows . . . ) . I have a lot of non - gluten flour and cook books that I 'm going to try to sell to Mary Kate . We 're back to eating wheat and it doesn 't bother us . It was fun while it lasted . The open house was very nice . The Primary Choir sang enthusiastically and the choir sang well . Dr . Holzapfel gave a good talk and the church was decorated very nicely . I left after the meeting was over . I brought some refreshments home to Frank . Tomorrow I have exercises , then Carrielee comes for her lesson and then I go to help feed the animals and by 12 : 00 PM , I 'll be through , whew ! I wrote Amazon about 4 books I had ordered and hadn 't gotten and they wrote back that they sent me a John Grishom book and another one of his books hadn 't come out yet . The other two books they couldn 't find on my account . So I found out what happened to the ones that I hadn 't gotten . I won 't have time to read tonight . Did the usual Wednesday things . Exercise class and feeding the animals . Practiced the piano . Tomorrow night is the open house . It starts at 6 : 30 PM and goes to 8 : 30 PM . I have to play the piano for the Primary choir and the adult choir . They are singing one song apiece . We 're still enjoying cool Fall weather but I heard that a cold front is coming and we will probably get some rain with it . The trees turn pretty colors and then the wind and rain come and strip the leaves from the trees . I went to Karen 's to help feed the animals . The goats and ducks had gotten out sometime and she woke up to the animals wandering around the property . She had to coral everyone and get them back inside the fence . The young chickens are growing fast . They are of various colors and there is one black chicken . She got a duck egg today . Bro . Decker sent me an email and said she really appreciated my help . I love doing it . I like to interact with the animals . We get the work done in an hour and then I come home . Tonight is homemaking meeting at church . Everyone is bringing a book to share and I am bringing several Walmart bags full of books . I have a good selection of church books and National Geographic books . I read on my Kindle now so I don 't need any books . I used to love books , but since I can 't read them anymore , I don 't need to keep them . I 've practiced the piano a couple of times today . The open house is two days away and the choir is singing one song and the Primary is singing one song . Hopefully enough children will show up to have a choir . My friend Wanda fell and broke her back . She called the other day and told me about it . I called her today but she was asleep . She has to wear a back brace and take pills for the pain . Sometime this week I will try to go and see her . My last entry was after the Fiddler 's Convention and then the hard drive on my computer died . I had to take the computer to the Apple store in H ' ville and they told me the hard drive was bad . It 's 5 years old and time for a new hard drive . Frank ordered one online and got it the next day and he installed it and spent the next 2 days formatting the new hard drive . It 's working now and I hope it will continue to work right . When I was over at Karen 's helping feed the animals , she found a dead goat . The goat had tried to eat some hay that was high up and somehow hung herself . She had a baby that refused to leave the body of the mother . The baby is old enough to be without the mother . I wanted to stay with Karen until the man came too bury the goat , but I had to get back home to help Frank and couldn 't stay . I really enjoy helping feed the various animals . Ken will still be gone about 3 weeks . They haven 't launched the rocket yet and it will be a while after that that he will be able to come home . Talked to Mary Kate tonight . They had been in Atlanta today with Sophia trying out for a state choir . There were only 55 slots and kids from all over Georgia were trying out . It was good for her to try out whether she gets it or not . I 'm proud of her . Trudy and Sadie are coming over Tuesday morning after Seminary to look at some books I 'm getting rid of . I have lots of books I 'm deleting . I can 't read fine print anymore and Frank won 't read them , so why keep them ? I had done the exercises at the senior center and had stopped by the bank and Walmart and was checking out at Goody 's when Ruth called me . They were at the same shopping center as I was . I saw them but I had to come home and but the groceries in the house and tell Frank I was going . We ate lunch at Hardy 's and then got into their 2011 Toyota van . Boy , is it nice . We parked over by the Baptist church and walked over to the Athens State campus . Bubba sat and read a book while Ruth and I walked around the different booths . I bought an owl necklace and two pair of earrings . We got some Kettle Korn and ate some of it while we listened to the Riders in the Sky sing . We were sitting several feet from two big speakers and it was very loud . We left at 4 : 45 PM . It was a fun day . It was good to see family . At one booth where I got my necklace , the lady told us of a place to go in H ' ville to a craft fair . Ruth and I will go sometime next month . My new florescent light I ordered from Amazon came today . I have the Prime Advantage and things ship within two days and there 's not shipping cost . Of course , I pay $ 79 . 00 and year for this good service . We order from Amazon a lot . Carrielee came for her piano lesson today . She hadn 't practiced , but we worked on some music anyway . They will be moving into another house in a week or two and after they get settled maybe she 'll be able to practice more . I enjoy having her as a student . There was a new feeding arrangement with the goats today . They were eating with the horses and were eating the horses food too , so Karen put up a goat feeder rack on the fence . It is about 6 ' long and has little places where the goats can fit their mouths and get the food which has been placed in the bottom of the feeder . It keeps the horses from eating the goats food and keeps the goats out of the horse food . The horses eat slower than the goats . The little chickens that we moved to a larger pen discovered that they could go outside in the run . Soon , they will be spending most of their time outside . I 'll not be able to help with the animals tomorrow . Bubba and Ruth are coming up to the Fiddler 's Convention and we are going to have lunch together . I have the senior center tomorrow and then need to run by the bank and maybe to Walmart for some groceries . It should be a fun day . Led the exercises , went home , then to Karen 's to help feed the animals . We moved the small chickens to an adjacent pen which was larger and they have an access to the outside . They weren 't sure of going outside but maybe by tomorrow they will be used to it . I had to leave at 12 : 00 PM because Frank had had a bad morning and I wanted to be home to get him lunch . My legs felt like they were feeling the weight I 've gained . I lay down to read for a little while but my florescent light over the bed went out . I ordered a new light and fixture from Amazon and it will be here in 2 days . I had had the light for several years and wasn 't surprised that it went out . I looked on Lowes and Mews sights on the computer , but they didn 't have anything and Amazon did . In fact , after I typed in what I wanted , it went right to the light I wanted . I love Amazon . Posted by I practiced the piano this morning for about an hour . We sang last week and will have to sing in another two week for the open house . I 'm practicing on the number we will so at Thanksgiving and I have two Christmas pieces that I 'm working on . I hope the choir director chooses easier music the next time she gets music ! The sky was overcast all day , but we didn 't get any more rain . We fed the animals and all was well with them . Ken will be an extra 5 days from coming home . They don 't even have return flight tickets . He thought it would only be 6 weeks but I was thinking 2 months . I have no idea about how long he will be gone . Karen seems to be taking it in stride . I know she must be getting a little lonely by now . It 's getting pretty closes to the national election . About a month away . Mitt Romney must beat Obama or we are really in for a terrible time with our country . He 's really just a figurehead and not a good one at that . Hopefully , people will see a clear choice between the two candidates . The car was looking a little dusty so I wanted it to rain . It rained over night and rained today while we were feeding the animals . I had taken my raincoat with me and Karen had given me a visor to wear to keep any rain out and I surely needed it . I had to empty the feed containers before I could put the feed into them . It started raining while we were out in the open . We finished up and went inside the building to do the chickens and dogs . The goats get into the pens in the building when it rains and make a mess to be cleaned up . The horses get under the trees and the loose chickens cuddle up to the building where the roof over - hang protects them from the rain . Frank woke up with a fever this morning . I wasn 't sure if I was going to get to go to exercise , but I got his breakfast and Rx in him and got him back to bed . Afterwards , I had some feelings of anxiety that I couldn 't place until I remembered he was sick . I 've got beans cooking and chicken legs in the crock pot . The chicken has been sitting in the refrigerator for a while and I was afraid it night be bad but it wasn 't . I got all 6 legs in the crock pot and put it on " high " and hopefully it will be ready for supper . The Fiddler 's Convention is coming up this Friday and week - end . My brother and sister - in - law will be coming up and we will eat lunch together and then go walking around the Fiddler 's Convention . They have craft booths and it is a lot of fun to walk around and possibly find things to buy . The music starts Friday evening at 4 : 00 PM . We usually stay for an hour and then leave . It makes for a good visit and choice afternoon . Posted by Karen , Summer and I went to the Stake presentation of the RS General Conference . The Madison Stake had a nice dinner prepared and program and then we went into the chapel and watched the conference . The Relief Society General Presidency spoke plus President Irying . It was a very spiritual meeting . There were about 120 plus sisters there . Summer had called Karen for a ride earlier in the day . I tried to call her , but got a busy signal , but we stopped by her house since it 's on the way and picked her up . It was nice for all three of us to be together again . The choir sings tomorrow . It 'll be my first time to play for the choir in a church meeting . I know the music but I get very nervous at the thought of playing . I 've lost my self - confidence and hope it will come back the more I play and practice . Carrielee was 30 minutes late for her piano lesson and we didn 't have time for it since I had to leave the house at 10 : 45 AM to get to Karen 's at 11 : 00 . It takes us about an hour to feed and water all the animals . We had a temple trip that afternoon and Summer was able to go . We had a great trip and a nice evening in the temple . Got home at 12 : 05 AM and got up at 6 : 30 AM too feed Danny Boy and the cat one last time . Then over to feed Ken 's animals . Now , it 's Friday . I got up at 6 : 45 and fed the horse and cat , then got ready to go to the senior center . I helped Karen feed the animals and got home in time for lunch . I took a short nap after lunch and didn 't do anything much after that . I should have practiced the piano . I will get up tomorrow and practice in the morning . There is a General Relief Society meeting broadcast tomorrow evening at the Madison Ward building . I think there is a dinner too . Will be going to that . Led the exercises at the senior center and then stopped by the pharmacy to pick up an Rx and went to the Fitness park and walked three times around the track or trail . Sometime , I will increase it to four times around . Right now , three times around is enough . Saw Janet today and she had a young woman with her that was going to be a personal trainer and she watched my work - out . I went on to Walmart afterwards . It wasn 't too busy but I still like to go in the mornings . We watched a Glen Beck program called The Project tonight . It was all about Muslim infiltration of our government . I wasn 't surprised because I 've felt something was going on , but couldn 't put my finger on it . They are trying to destroy the United States from within . It 's the secrete combinations mentioned in the Book of Mormon . It will destroy our nation if it is not stopped . Glen Beck is doing a good job of warning people of what 's going on in our society . Went to feed the animals and we cleaned out the pen where the 2 month old chickens are kept . I got the food ready and Karen got the water . She caught each chicken and put them in a pen before she cleaned out the pen . We put fresh shavings in and hooked the light in another place and they were set . It 's fun to watch the horses and goats and ducks and chickens eat the feed . We get through in an hour . I 'll go food shopping tomorrow after exercise . We need some meat to eat . I thought about getting some chicken and maybe pork chops . This NG diet without wheat bread , leaves one hungry and wanting for something else . But it 'll keep me from eating cakes and cookies , etc . We do still have some ice cream in the freezer and it is chock full of calories but it is so good ! That 's one of the reasons I 've gained weight . That and pancakes I ate at when the neighbors got together and all ate out together . Mary Kate said she might buy the non gluten flour I bought but haven 't used . I did the usual Monday things plus helping Karen with the animals . I enjoy feeding them . The miniature horses and goats are hungry and crowd around me as I walk to the different bowls to put feed in . Two of the goats are friendly and will come up to you and let you pet them . The ducks are brown colored for they swim in muddy water . Ken is too kind - hearted to kill any of the ducks or chickens to eat . He needs to get someone else to do it so he can have lots of meat in the freezer . Maybe they are all pets to him . The weather is really nice now . It 's in the 80 's and not too hot . The grass will stop growing in a while and we won 't have to worry about that . I ordered three pull overs from Land 's End but they were too long for me . They fit otherwise but I didn 't like the way they looked on me . I 'll take them back to Sears tomorrow when I go to town to get some groceries . I ordered a white shirt from them and it was okay . A bit thin but acceptable . I fed Danny Boy and the cat and went to Karen 's at 11 : 00AM . It just took us 30 minutes today . It 's fun to feed the animals . We took two goats to be staked out and to feed on the green grass . Today was Stake Conference but I didn 't go . I had no one to ride with or ride with me . Karen 's cold is better . Now , Frank has the sniffles and says I brought the cold home to him . I hope not . I hope he won 't get as sick as she was . I got up at 6 : 30 AM to feed the horse and got back home in about 20 minutes . I got ready too go to the senior center and got there and no one was there except two of the regulars . The center was having a picnic for the seniors at the park and I guess that 's why there were no one there for the exercise . I left at 9 : 00 AM . I went to Karen 's at 11 : 00 AM to help her with feeding their animals . She was still suffering with a cough and cold . We feed and watered the animals in about an hour . She said it took her two hours the day before . I killed a rat where the chickens were . It was the size of a tennis ball and was caught in a trap . It had it 's front paw caught and I killed it with the broom handle and Karen finished it off with a shovel . I came home and started cooking . We were out of beans and goulash and I ate a rice cake with peanut butter for my lunch . I cooked beans and goulash so now we are set for the next few days . Frank wants something solid to help him not be hungry so I 'm going to get some chicken and pork chops . We don 't eat much meat and meat would be good once in a while . Tomorrow is the adult session of Stake conference . I hope Karen will feel like going . If she doesn 't , I probably won 't go . They said to be sure and car pool since there aren 't enough parking spaces for everybody . We had a dental appointment at 2 PM in H ' ville . We had missed an earlier appointment because we forgot to medicate . Since we both have had joint replacements , we have to take an antibiotic before we get our teeth cleaned . We were sure to take our pills before we went today . Tomorrow , I start feeding Maryleen 's horse , Danny Boy . She and John and family are going to the beach - Gulf Shores , I think . I will get up at 6 : 30 AM and go down and feed the horse and cat and then come home and get ready to go to the senior center . I told Karen I would come over tomorrow and help her feed Ken 's animals . I 'll go at 11 : 00 AM . I don 't know how long it takes to feed everyone but with both of us doing it , it shouldn 't take too long . I started writing down the things I eat during the day and adding the calories up . 1 / 2 cup of ice cream is 240 calories . This past month I have eaten ice cream several times and I 'm sure it was more than 1 / 2 cup . No wonder I 'm gaining weight . I have to figure out how many calories the goulash has because I eat it every day . 4 oz of hamburger is 300 - something calories plus the beans and tomatoes that 's in it . I will have to make an educated guess on the goulash . A cold front that brought us all that rain , over 2 " , settled in today . I wore a jacket to exercise but didn 't wear it again . After exercise , I stopped by the park by the Wellness Center and walked for 15 - 20 minutes . It was 9 : 30 AM . It was fun and different . I 'll try to walk after each exercise class to make up from not going to Curves anymore . Ken left town today and I told Karen I would help her with the animals while he was gone . She 's had a cold but she should not be contagious by Friday . I have to start feeding Danny Boy Friday . I 'll have to get up at 6 : 30 AM to feed the horse and get back home to get ready to go into town . Then , I can go over to her house and help feed the animals . I got a hair cut today . It was starting to grow out , and probably looked good , but I knew I would have the shears out soon cutting away and decided to let Kari cut it . It 's short , but it 'll grow . I went out today shopping . I first went to Goody 's . I found a black sweater - like wrap that is light weight and has long sleeves and will be good to wear to church when the weather gets cooler . I also found a pretty aqua pull - over that was on sale for $ 9 . 60 and I got it too . I got the old timers 20 % discount and was pleased with the cost of my purchases . I went to Walmart for groceries and on to CVS pharmacy to get a new product for cuts and scrapes but they had sold out of it . I went to Publix to get some 15 bean soup . I got 9 packages of it . We 're getting low on our milk supply but Walmart only had one package and I didn 't think about the milk when I was in Publix . We had Relief Society tonight and I went . It was about preparing for conference . Stake conference is this Sunday and General Conference is October 6 - 7th . There weren 't many sisters there but I was glad I went . I got something out of the meeting . I will look for a theme in the conference messages now . In General Conference , none of the talks have been assigned . Each speaker prays and is inspired on what to talk about . Sometimes I forget about that . We are actually hearing the mind and will of the Lord during conference . Sometimes I take notes , but I can listen better if I 'm not trying to take notes . I went out to the senior center and then came home . I rode the bike for 20 minutes and worked out with weights and tubes . Even got the ball out and used it . I then practiced the piano for about an hour . I need to practice more today but I don 't think I will . It started raining about 3 : 00 PM and has been raining almost 2 hours . We 've looked a the several streams that flow on our property when it really rains hard . The woods will be a marsh by now . I 'll go out tomorrow grocery shopping and may go to Goody 's to look around . I ordered 3 pull overs from Land 's End today for I 've gotten too big for my old ones . I hope the regular L 's will be big enough . Karen called this morning and said not to come over today for she was sick with a cold . She was fine yesterday at church . Ken is going out of town Wed for 2 months and I told her I could help her with the animals if she wanted me too . Led the exercises and then went to Curves and resigned my membership . I hadn 't been in two or three weeks and I didn 't look forward to going back , so I resigned . I dropped some things by the Salvation Army and then went home . After I got home , I realized I needed to go back to Walmart and get a wedding card for Kirsten Hughes . I got a card and a desk file to put my receipts in when I order things online and a matching cup holder . My computer desk looks pretty organized since we got the old PC off of it . A Privet plant that I was pruning to be a tree in the front yard will need to be cut down . I have one the the lower orchard that I groomed like that and it is a very large and tall " tree " . I need to do some pruning on it because some of the branches are hanging down too far . Maybe when the cool weather comes in . If I don 't cut the one in the front yard down now , it will outgrow it 's place and probably take over the road . It seemed like a good thing to do at the time . . . Mr . Sims is here cutting the yard . After the tree leaves fall , we 'll have to get him to come rake them up by the road and clean out the drain pipe that runs under our drive way . I didn 't rake them up last year and they have almost clogged up the pipe . It 's bad to get old . It 's hard to admit that there are many things that one can 't do anymore . Yard work is on my list . Posted by I got up early to see if my piano student was coming . She didn 't come but I practiced the choir music during that time . Then I cooked a large pot of goulash . I waited around until it was time to go to Janet 's to work out . I enjoy working out with her . I called a tree service that said they trimmed shrubs , too . I have some big evergreen shrubs that I think need trimming . Frank likes the way they look but I 'm afraid they will overgrow where they are planted . They 've already overgrown the Rose of Sharon that I planted near them . I 've seen some plants in a field off of Hy 72 that look like them and they are huge ! They might be like the arborvitae plant that grew into a tree that ate the south side of the house . We had it cut down . Posted by Yep , just don 't know why I didn 't write for two days . Being Wednesday , I led the exercises at the senior center and then came home and met Ann to go VT . We saw Mary Lou and Karen . Ann said she would go see Glenda and then we will have to see Joy . Being the Relief Society , she really needs her VT . We have to see her in the evening . Linda Harris called today to say that Becky Harris had died . She had Alzheimer 's disease . It was a shock to hear . She was just 65 years old . I finally took the dead Zinnias to the burn pile . I still have Marigolds blooming and another plant clinging to life . I think I 'll transplant the butterfly bush that 's growing in the big pot with the Maple trees to the place out front where the other butterfly plant died . Maybe I 'll wait until everything goes dormant so I won 't have to water it so much . I don 't really have any desire to do yard work . I guess I 've just gotten too fat and lazy ! Hardy - har - har as Mary Kate would say . Posted by We had a baptism at the church today . A lady who had been coming to church with the missionaries was baptized . It was a sweet service . Her husband is a Buddhist and he was happy she had found what she was looking for . He dressed like everyone else so he didn 't stand out being a Buddhist . There was a nice crowd there and refreshments were served . I 'm glad I went . It 's good to mingle with the members . After I got home from church , I started the laundry and practiced the piano while the clothes were washing and drying . Frank did his weekly pills and I started vacuuming the floors . We had to vacuum the air filters too . It had been about two weeks since we had done them . It 's good to have clean floors . I didn 't mop . I was looking out the window of my bedroom while I was closing the blinds and saw a Privet plant that I 'm trying to train up to be a tree . I pruned it in the Spring but it needs pruning again and I thought how I didn 't want to do any yard work . Maybe as the weather cools off , I 'll have the desire to do the pruning . I guess my days of yard work are over . After the leaves fall out by the road , we 'll have to pay someone to rake them up so the drain that runs under the road won 't get clogged up like it did last year . A couple from the church came to exercise today . Annie and Buford came and joined in . They are moving into town and said that they would coming to exercise regularly . They did live on Shaw Rd out here . It was good too get some new people in to exercise . They are also Ward missionaries . There 's a baptism tomorrow at 10 : 00 AM . An adult lady the missionaries have been bringing to church is being baptized . I will go . I hate to miss my Saturday sleep in , but it 's for a good cause . I 'll still have my Saturday laundry to do when I get home plus my piano practice . Trudy and Sadie came over for lunch . I made the chicken salad with the grapes and pineapple chunks mixed with vanilla yogurt , plus fresh broccoli and cauliflower . I had some Ritz crackers for them to eat the chicken salad chunks with . They didn 't stay long for Sadie and her Dad had a father / daughter camp out at the church campgrounds tonight . My Zinnias are dead and their pots got blown over in the wind storm we had last night . I need to take the pots to the burn pile and pull the plants out of the pots and then clean them up for next year . I don 't know if I 'll have any outside plants next year or not . They were pretty , but I didn 't enjoy caring for them . The Dr poked around on Frank 's hip joints today and made them more sore . This was supposed to be a " good " day but he 's ached a lot in his hips and legs . Posted by Went to exercise but didn 't go to Curves . I had some cooking to do and got that done by lunch time . I didn 't have much to do today . I did practice the piano for an hour . If I can keep this up , I 'll be able to play all of the choir music when it comes time . Mr . Sims is here cutting the grass . We had the old Honda 's battery on charge all day . Seems like the dome light was on and drained the battery again . When it gets charged enough to start , I 'll go straight to Walmart and get a new battery . It was hot and humid today with temps in the 90 's , but the weather is getting somewhat cooler . I have some dead flowers I need to clean up and put on the burn pile . They 're almost all dead now and it 's a chore I need to do . I went to town to the bank and by Walmart for some groceries then came home . I stopped by Lou 's place with one of my new bra 's that was coming unraveled . This is the second bra that has done this . They cost about $ 40 . 00 each and should be good enough to not unravel . I cooked a pot of beans and a cabbage . I usually cook the cabbage in the pot that I had the beans in but this time I cooked the cabbage in the microwave . It didn 't get cooked enough the first time I cooked it , so I had to cook it again . I won 't use the microwave again for cabbage . Broccoli cooks just fine and so does cauliflower . I guess the cabbage is too tough and needs a longer cooking time . I 've given up on being an indexer . It must be my fear of the computer that puts me off on doing it . I really don 't have a good feeling about doing it . We didn 't do anything for Labor Day . I had scripture study with Karen and I practiced the piano for an hour . We were to vacuum the filters today and dust Frank 's room but we haven 't done that yet . I worked out downstairs . Did 20 minutes on the bike and lifted some weights and used the bands . It would be nice if I did this every day but I am lazy . The thing I like best is to lie in my bed and read . Not much effort exerted that way . Today I woke up at 7 AM when Rosko spoke cherry greetings to the world . I was in the middle of a dream and woke up groggy . I was tired from not getting enough sleep but I had to get up and go lead the exercises at the senior center . When I came back , I went back to bed and sleep until lunch . After lunch , I went back to bed and read and snoozed some more , so my day was pretty much spent in the bed . Not really " usual " Wednesday , I just lead the exercises and then came home . Frank had a Dr appointment in H ' ville at 11 : 00 AM . He had asked me to check on the old Honda the night before and I found that the battery was dead ! I had just driven it the week before . There was some switch that broke and let the lights bleed the battery dead . We drove up in my car and after the Dr , went to the Honda dealership and bought the part and Frank put it in today while I was at Janet 's . I guess we will use the car until the air conditioner dies . The hood is really getting a rusty look now . No telling how much longer we 'll be driving it . It 's got 240 , 000 miles or more on it . It 's a 1990 model . That 's right , I did the usual Monday things . Frank wanted some gluten - free cereal with fiber but there was none . I got some milled golden flaxseed and some Ruffels and come corn chips . I got some Quinoa rotelli for the next time we want some pasta . Walmart has a small selection of gluten - free products . I talked to a woman whose daughter had to start eating gluten - free . Seems like they ate out a lot and would have to stop that . I got an invitation to Kirsten Hughes shower and she said she wanted me to be at the temple with them when they got married . That 's the first time I 've ever been invited to the temple wedding . I 'll ask around and see if I can get a ride or someone could ride with me who knows the way to the Nashville temple . Mary Kate and kids came up to visit Trudy and Mary Kate and Nate came over and ate lunch with us and stayed until 5 PM . We had a nice visit . Sophia and Sadie went to a youth activity . Did the usual Friday stuff . This afternoon Russ and Ann came over and showed me how to index . I did a batch of 25 WW1 cards and probably made a bunch of mistakes on them . I tried my best to do a good job with what I know ( which is very little at this point ) . I am tired now and want to go to bed and read . Take me away , reading ! Exercise and Curves and at 2 : 30 Pm Janet 's for work - out . Friday , Frank and I will get trained in the LDS indexing program . Bishop Black set our ward goal at 500 , 000 names to be indexed . I 'm looking forward to learning how to do it . Frank will be involved too and that will help . Last night Ann , Glenda and I went to Homemaking meeting at Mary Lou 's house . She was showing us how to can chicken . She said she cans all year . I 'm not up to doing that . It was interesting and I got to socialize with some sisters that I don 't see on Sunday . I think I 'll try to go to more of the homemaking meetings whether I like the subject or not . Been practicing the choir music daily . My right hand hurt today . Maybe it 's rebelling against all the work I 'm making it do . As I get older , I know my body will refuse to do things that my mind wants it to do , but I 'm not ready for that now . Posted by I did the usual Monday morning things then went to Walmart . I bought some spices for baking and some butter . I got a gluten free brownie mix and made them this afternoon . The flour was brown rice flour and they made up fine . They tasted like brownies and we couldn 't tell they didn 't have white flour in them , and the mix wasn 't that expensive . I still waiting on my almond flour to arrive and then I can make up a baking mix . I bought some rice checks and corn checks cereal , which is naturally gluten free . I think I 'll eat some for breakfast tomorrow . Rice cakes and peanut butter are good , but I get tired of the same thing all the time . Tomorrow night is the homemaking meeting at Mary Lou 's house . She 's teaching how to can meat . Ann is picking up Glenda and then me and we 're all going together . Hopefully , we 'll get to know Glenda better and help her get to know some of the sisters in the Ward . It should be a fun time . Led the exercises today and then came home . Frank had wanted some potato salad for breakfast and we had eaten it all last night . He got 7 potatoes out of the sack and puts them in the microwave ! I thought he might not have done it right and they would explode in my clean microwave . They cooked all right and they were cool when I came home . I hard cooked 4 eggs and used some onion flakes and relish and Miracle Whip and mixed them up and they were pretty good . I like the yellow potatoes . I 'm waiting on the almond flour to get here . All my other flowers came in yesterday . I need a zucchini squash so I can make zucchini muffins . We are reading Isiah in the Bible . I read but don 't understand . I 'll get the Institute manual out and see what it has to say . Frank 's working on a problem with his computer . He 's been at it all day . He talked to Apple on the phone and now is working on his own . Hope he gets it fixed . Posted by I was practicing the piano when Sophrona called to say she didn ' have the money for the lesson and wondered if I wanted to wait ' til next week for it . I told her I didn 't worry about the money and to come on and we would have the lesson . Carrielee needs to practice more and her mom said when school started , she would have an assigned time to practice . I had some pieces she could play easily so we got some playing in . She has a few pages to go in the beginning book before she can get into book 1 and she 'll have a theory page to do each piece . I don 't think she likes theory much , but it will be so good for her and her mother , too . I had a good workout with Janet today . I had had some caffeine early in the day and was a chatterbox , I think . I loaned her a Weekly Weeder I thought she might enjoy since she 's a Master Gardiner , too . Most all of my non - gluten flour came in today . I ordered the almond flour 1st but it will take longer to come . The packages I got today were done on Amazon Prime and came within 2 days with no shipping . It 's $ 79 . 00 a year . I buy a lot from Amazon . Actually , most of it is books and with the Prime membership , I can borrow up to one book a month with no due dates . Tonight I went to Chris Garbett 's Eagle Scout ceremony . It was very impressive and I can 't wait until Forrest has his . I 'm going to mail Trudy Chris 's program and his invitation to give her some ideas about how to do Forrest 's ceremony . I led the exercises and went to Curves and to Walmart . I feel I live at Walmart . I had to get some potatoes and eggs and grapes . They had no Maalox so I went to K - Mart but they didn 't have any either . They said something about a Maalox recall . I got Frank some Gaviscon for his stomach acid problem but he said it didn 't taste too good . But it will do the trick . Tomorrow , I won 't go back to bed . That way I can practice the piano plus be ready when Carrielee comes for her lesson . I have a workout with Janet tomorrow , too . Frank bought me two books about eating gluten free and they came in today . One is a gluten free book for dummies and the other is a cookbook . Both have recipes . The cookbook gave the formula for baking gluten free . I ordered white rice flour , sorghum , tapioca , and cornstarch flours . I 'll combine all of these flours and will have something suitable to bake with . We had some chicken nuggets for lunch but they didn 't have any breading on them . It was just pure chicken nuggets . With the four combination , I 'll be able to batter and fry the nuggets - see other post . I lost this one by fault of the computer and started over on the blog . Anyway , I got two books from Amazon today that tells me more about eating gluten free . One is a cookbook and I 've ordered 4 flours that I can combine and bake with . I don 't bake that much , so the flours should last a long time . I need to check in H ' ville to see what the health food stores carry . Maybe I can get them cheaper locally . Led the exercises and went to Curves and to Walmart . I got some more cheddar cheese and some more rice cakes and a couple jars of unsalted dry roasted peanuts . I checked out and then had to go back and get a cheese slicer and a dough mixer . When I was at Trudy 's , Sadie was using her fingers to work the flour into the butter for an apple pie . I 'll get it to her when Mary Kate comes for a visit while she and the kids are staying at Trudy 's . She can take it back to her and tell her how to use it . My mother got me a Betty Crocker cookbook when I was single and the cookbook told how to use two knife blades and work the butter into the flour for a pie crust . Maybe I need to get Sadie a beginning cookbook . As I was going to leave for scripture study , there was a thunder storm and this time it had rain . It came down in buckets . I had to drive about 40 mph on the highway it was raining so hard . We got about 2 " of rain today . We really needed it . The grass will need mowing again by the week - end . I figured out how much money I had spent on myself and on groceries to date . I was amazed at how much money I had spent . Janet was $ 200 and the new Kindle was $ 145 plus tithing and many other things which I bought . I have spent the months money in two weeks ! Whoa , Nellie ! I have got to stop spending , period . I can only buy groceries from now to September . I get sucked into looking at the sales at Goody 's and Land 's End . Amazon is bad , too , with buying books . A debit card is a convenient thing as is online buying . Guilty say guilty , and I am . Today was the neighborhood breakfast at Shoney 's . I didn 't go last month and wanted to be there this month . I had two fried eggs over easy and a dish of apples and a glass of milk . That was $ 9 . 04 . I could have bought two dozen eggs and a jar of applesauce for that price . It 's just getting more and more expensive to live now days . The Sweenys and Adams and Tim and Eva and Sandra and I were there , 8 in all . All the girls hug and that 's nice . Eva made me a potato cooker to use in the microwave . It 's cloth with batting inside and you put the potatoes inside it and fold the top over and cook them in the microwave . You don 't have to prick the potatoes or anything . I cooked a sweet potato in it tonight and it cooked just right ! She had made the others one of them and just got around to me , I guess . It was a very nice gift . I cooked and washed clothes and practiced the piano today . I even washed my temple clothes . I got them all packed up and ready to go in a couple of weeks . It was a little cooler today for a cold front came in yesterday . It didn 't bring us any rain , though . Thursday morning I went back to bed and Sophrona called me 15 minutes before Carrielee was to arrive for her piano lesson , to say they were running late . I jumped out of bed and got dressed before they got here . I 've got to remember I can 't sleep in on Thursdays ! I didn 't do much of anything else but go to Janet 's for a workout . Friday I lead the exercises and then went to Walmart . I took back a cactus plant that was dying and got my money back and then went shopping for the gluten diet . I bought lots of fruits and veggies and meat for the goulash and lots of canned beans at 69 cents a can . I spent a lot but we have to have something to eat when we can 't eat bread . We really didn 't eat much bread to begin with but the thought of eating good and loosing weight was a big attraction . If we don 't loose weight , we 'll still be eating good this week or so . I came home and made a big batch of goulash and washed the strawberries and grapes . I had veggies and two pieces of cheese tonight for supper and so far I 'm not hungry . Frank 's had an apple and a rice cake . I took a dress back to Goody 's that I had bought online . It was too short and too small plus the colors were too bright for me . I didn 't get the receipt so I 'll have to trust Goody 's to take it off my charge card . Trudy left a voice mail this morning asking me to come at 12 : 00 PM instead of earlier . I came home from exercise at the senior center and rode my bike for 20 minutes and lifted weights and exercised with the tubes . I left home at 11 : 15 AM and got to Trudy 's a little after 12 : 00 . I gave Sadie her sewing stuff and we all talked a while and I treated them to a Sub Way sandwich . I then swept the living room and kitchen floors , mopped the kitchen floors and filled the dishwasher and began washing the large pots and pans . I don 't know where Trudy got such large pots and pans but I got them all washed up and the kitchen spick and span . As I was leaving , Sadie was making an apple pie . I told Trudy to tell Sadie to be sure to clean the kitchen after she got through ! Forrest 's Board of Review for his Eagle Scout project is tomorrow night . If he passes it , he will get his Eagle Scout award ! He turned 18 today and just barely made it . Frankie did the same thing . It 's very trying on the mother when they wait until the very last minute like that . My 2nd Kindle arrived today . The 1st Kindle developed a flaw in the screen and I couldn 't read the words that were under this smudge . The new Kindle arrived and I transferred my old books onto the 2nd Kindle . I have a new book , Wheat Belly , to read . It 's about a gluten free diet . I also had to get a new version of the LDS scriptures because the 1st Kindle lost the other scriptures I had . I 'm going over to Trudy 's tomorrow to help her clean her house . I 've got some sewing stuff for Sadie and it is Forrest 's 18th birthday . I have a cake mix and some frosting if anyone wants to make it . I lead the exercises and then came home . I left at 10 : 00 AM for an appointment with Dr . Sharp . I got there 15 min . early . I got my prescriptions and he wants me to cut down on some of my medicines . I don 't want to fool with my Abilify or Effexor and the only other meds is Desiprimine . I 've cut it down to 25 mg . instead of 50 mg . and will see if I have any reaction . I could maybe do away with the Ativan at night . We 'll just have to see what works . I went by Hancock 's Fabrics and bought a beginning sewing book for Sadie . I 'll be going over to her house Wednesday and Trudy wanted me to help Sadie with her sewing . I found the book quite helpful to me but I already know something about sewing . It did have the definition of selvage in it . When I was learning how to sew I saw that word , and said , " What 's a selvage ? " . I hope Mary Kate will have time to help Sadie make a skirt from a pattern we bought her . When Karen goes on a trip , she usually brings me a rock from the place where she went . Today , She gave me some rocks from San Francisco . They looked like granite rocks but turned out to be chocolate on the inside of a candy shell . They fooled Frank , but I had to tell him the truth ! I did some chores and fixed meals and watched some TV and that 's about it . I had a lot of time on my hands and not enough to do . I did practice the piano . There 's lots of things to do if I wanted something to do , but they 're not things that have to be done like the laundry or cooking . When we have to unload the kitchen cabinets , they 'll be lots of things to do . I hope it will spur me on to a major clean up and throw or give away . My house is stuffed to over flowing and it needs a good clean out . Tuesday , I 'll go over to Trudy 's to help her clean house . She wants me to show Sadie how to use her sewing machine . I 've forgotten how to use a pattern and I 'm afraid it 'll be the blind leading the blind ! I do have a skirt pattern for her that only has 3 pieces to it . I may not be the person to show her how to sew . Mary Kate is the one but she lives in Georgia . I 'm a graduate of the University of Alabama , class of ' 66 . I majored in music , piano and organ . I taught private piano lessons in Tuscaloosa for a year and then got a teaching job in Key West , FL . There I met my husband , Frank and four months later we were married . Have lived in Athens , AL since 1976 . My children grew up in Athens . My husband is bedridden now so I add the title of care taker to the title of homemaker . I never wanted to work outside the home . I enjoyed gardening until I got breast cancer in 2002 . I 'm not able to do much garden work now , and I miss it . I enjoy going to the Wellness Ctr . to exercise . I enjoy making greeting cards and usually make a card or two each day . I love getting together with my daughters , Trudy and Mary Kate and my grandchildren . My son , Frank , lives in Knoxville , TN , so I don 't see him often . He has 4 children . I enjoy being a grandmother . please keep it in order to retain your counter functionality Insurance quotes are the way to start looking for insurance . simply by putting attention to website offerring allstate insurance the purchace process can be optimized . The poor man died with a big collection of poor insurance quotes . free counter
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Becca Pierce is an undercover cop trying to stop a fanatic who hates Mumans and the Littleton Corportation who created them . Unfortunately , things go sideways . She 's been raped and then almost gunned down by something completely unrelated to her original mission . The book is about half finished at 56K . Hope to finish it , at least a draft , in the next few weeks . Keep an eye out for it . Ariel Taylor can slow time almost to a complete stop . For instance , she can move between rain drops , enjoy snow in a way normal people can 't fathom . She 's also pregnant with twins who may or may not also have the same ability . The Government wants her , whether she likes it or not . Will she escape and what will she have to do to get away from them ? And what other ability does she have ? Will her twins have ? And the men she meets . What do they have to offer her ? Nikki Sanchez , if that 's her real name , is a young woman who wanders into a bar in Mexico and meets Tom Sawyer , the ex - rock and roll legend . He dropped out of the whole scene after a bad accident some years back and opened his quiet , unassuming bar in a coastal town in Mexico . Before he 's given it much thought , he 's embroiled in a nationwide hunt for answers , dodging killers and discovering love he never thought possible . Along the way he also finds a daughter he never knew he had . My wife of thirty years died two years ago . Our three kids were grown and gone . I picked up the bag . Should I or shouldn 't I ? Shrugging , I attached the rubber hose to the tank and continued to toy with the bag . I attached the hose to the side of the bag . Now all I had to do was pull it over my head and zip it as closed as I could . Then … reach over and turn the valve . Four or five deep breaths and bye - bye , see you later , adios . I put the bag down and went over to my desk . Everything was good . I neatly stacked the papers in front of my monitor , signed places where I needed to sign and listed all my passwords . There was nothing on the hard drive anyone shouldn 't see . I didn 't want to answer but something told me it might be important . It was . " This is Hal . What 's up , Simon ? " " Hey ! Glad I caught you . " If he only knew . " Hal , I need an original signature on a form before I can finalize your rights to the game . Sorry man . " " Sure Hal . Take your time . It 's not like we don 't have plenty of it . See you when you get here . I 'll have Nancy show you in so you won 't have to wait . " " Hal ? Are you okay ? You look , I don 't know , depressed , I guess . I don 't normally say this to people but as I 've known you since the sixth grade , I think I can . You need to see somebody about losing Sally . It 's tearing you apart and has since she passed . Man , I can see it in your face . " " Listen . Do yourself a favor . Why don 't you wander down to Evangeline 's and have a cup of coffee . I want you to consider whatever it is you 're thinking about . Really think about it . Why don 't you go somewhere different for a while ? Head over to the coast . San Francisco ? Seattle ? Someplace green . I guarantee the change of scenery will do you good . " I nodded and left the building and decided Simon was right . I really wanted a cup of coffee … a last cup . Evangeline 's was on the corner . As I passed the newspaper box I glimpsed a bold headline : I shrugged . Didn 't need to read the rest . People were forever getting lost in the mountains here . But I hoped they would find whoever it was . Maybe I really did need a change . Every place I went here brought her back . I was overwhelmed with memories and I couldn 't seem to shake the despair . When I returned home , I took my suicide apparatus apart and stored the parts in different places in the garage . I realized that my biggest problem was that I retired after Sally died and mostly floated in my depression . As the day progressed I found I was feeling better . I took out a couple of suitcases and started tossing in mostly casual clothes . Before closing the suitcases , I took one last look around . Feeling a little light - headed , as if I 'd climbed too many steps at once , I opened her lingerie drawer . A whiff of her fading perfume floated gently up . Wiping a tear , I slammed it shut . I didn 't need this . Not now . But eventually , all roads lead to home . Sedona . Talk about a lovely town . With all the red rocks and rock formations around , it was a beautiful place . I desperately needed to move into something much smaller … mostly to escape memories . Over the next two weeks I looked at a number of places . Some so expensive as to make my eyes bug out at the price . Just about to give up and go to Phoenix , a place opened on the west end out against the hills . Major depression engulfed me like a thick , gray fog . For the first time in over a month I was ready to die . I bought a bottle of scotch . I sat in my living room looking out over the town with the unopened bottle in one hand , a gun in the other . The next day , I looked at my mountain bike hanging in the garage . I hadn 't ridden at all in a couple of years . I realized that hauling the bike around was going to be easier with a pickup than my Mercedes . As far as perfect Arizona days go , this had to be one of the best . Low 70 's , dry , brilliant blue sky . The trail I followed wasn 't too technical to start with as it meandered gently around boulders and cacti although it climbed continually upward . I was having the time of my life … no worries , no concerns , and I was alive . I was beginning a steep descent when I noticed tire tracks going off the trail down into a deep ravine . It was right in the curve and I hoped whoever biffed it was okay . I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye . A flash of blue ? Something . At the bottom of the descent , I stopped for water and looked back up the way I 'd come . It was a steep sucker and I 'd done well negotiating it . I thought I saw a flash of blue again up in some large rocks but then I decided I was wrong . I was still looking up there when I saw that blue flash again . I pulled the bike off the trail for the safety of anyone else coming down and started climbing up the ravine . I rounded a boulder and there , thirty feet further up was a girl , her leg caught between two large rocks . She wasn 't moving . Her lower right leg , just below her knee , was wedged between two rocks . The girl or woman , I couldn 't tell yet , was upside down , facing me . Her arms hung toward the ground , her helmet was crushed on one side . What I 'd seen was her blue jacket fluttering in the slight breeze . Quickly but carefully so I didn 't twist something myself , I climbed to her . I was afraid I was far too late to be any good . I felt her throat to see if she had a pulse . It was slow and steady . I was going to have to lift her upper body higher than the leg to extract her and it from the rocks . Thankfully , I was still in pretty good shape . I ducked below her so that her neck pressed against my chest . Gently and slowly I pushed up , raising her . She popped loose , causing me to fall backwards . I caught her in my arms as we fell to protect her from further injury as we crashed to the ground . I got her situated and took a quick look at the leg . It was definitely broken . " Uhh … " she said as she bit down the tip . She swallowed a couple of times . Letting go of the spout , she gasped , " Thanks . How bad am I , doc ? " " Looks like your right leg is broken . And I 'm not a doctor . " I had to smile . She was certainly pretty , in an ' injured female biker ' kind of way . " I haven 't looked for it . That 's secondary right now . There 's no service in this hole so I need to go up to the top . Will you be okay while I 'm gone ? " " Yeah , sure . Can … can I get more water ? " I gave her the backpack and hiked back to the top of the trail . The climb up made for shortness of breath but I did it and made the call . I enjoyed the rest of the ride back to where I parked . What a day , I thought , loading my bike in the truck . Great ride . I rescued a damsel in distress and felt better now than I had since before Sally died . I also realized I could think about her being gone without my heart flying up into my throat . Over the next several days I began trying to write , something I 'd wanted to do for years . I 'd had a couple of dystopian young adult / new adult ideas kicking around since I 'd read the ' Hunger Games ' books . But sitting inside wasn 't cutting it . I took my laptop and went down to the pool . I was deep into pounding the keys when a shadow crossed my table . Looking up I faced a good - looking woman , possibly in her mid - thirties . She had short , deep auburn hair , amazing gray eyes and a wide , beautiful smile . The woman was definitely curvaceous and about five - six or seven . She wore a dark blue bikini that was perfect on her . The only word that came to mind was ' hot . ' As in very . I shook my head . " Should I ? " She was on crutches . " I 'm sorry . Have a seat . " I pointed at the chair next to me . Sometimes , as Sally used to say , I could be thick as a brick . " Thanks . " She sat and stretched her right leg across the empty chair next to her . I saw the cast below her knee . An impish smile danced on her lips and her eyes sparkled . She set her bag on the table and leaned her crutches against another chair . " Look closely , " she said again . Trust me , I did . " Recognize me yet ? " Her voice was like liquid smoke . Throaty and sexy as could be . " Nice to meet you , again , Hal Williams . I 'm Sabrina Delgado . " We shook . I felt like a fool . I hadn 't been anywhere in ages where I could have met someone as beautiful as this woman and forgotten her . Just wasn 't possible . " Okay , Ms . Delgado , I really don 't remember you . Did I bump into your car at Safeway or something ? If I did I 'm sorry and I 'll pay for the damage . " She laughed again . " I saw you sitting here and at least I recognized you . I live over there , " she pointed about two doors down from my place . " I really can 't believe that the man who saved my life can 't remember doing it . I 'm the one with the , " she pointed at her right leg , " broken leg who no doubt would have died had you not come along . Now do you remember ? " Thick as a brick . Yep . That 's me . " That was you ? I 'm sorry I didn 't recognize you . I couldn 't see much of your face . The rest of you , well , I was busy trying to get you out of those rocks . " " Please , call me Sabrina . " She smiled brightly . " Other than my leg , I had some scrapes and bruises on my back and butt and a slight concussion . My leg has a simple break which is why I 'm now moving around . I hate hospitals which is a complete oxymoron . I 'm an orthopedic surgeon . " She laughed . " And you ? What do you do ? " " Yeah , widow . Three years ago my husband found out he had testicular cancer . He walked out in the desert and killed himself because he couldn 't live with it . " She paused . " Sorry . I realize that was too much information . On the other hand , he left me pretty well set and my practice is bustling . " We spent an hour getting to know one another before she had to go back to her place and rest . We decided to meet later . I 'd buy some food so she wouldn 't have to shop . " What did you bring ? " she asked later when I came in . She 'd changed into a translucently pale blue caftan . Made her look … ethereal , I guess , like some kind of an angel . As I sat the groceries down on her kitchen counter , she crossed between me and the setting sun , momentarily turning her caftan invisible . I honestly thought my heart would stop . She set dinnerware out on her deck table as I cooked steaks . While I was busy with the grill , she asked , " What would you like to drink ? I have wine , beer , Pepsi . " " That 's your game ? The one with the movies and novels ? The one that 's one of my all time favorites ? You wrote that ? " " But I 'm not telling all the story . It 's not been a bed of roses . A little over two years ago , I was attending an AA meeting . My wife and a friend of hers were t - boned by a woman running a stop sign at about seventy miles per hour . " I suddenly found myself choking up and took a deep drink to gather my wits . We finished eating quietly , the mood somber . Other than a comment about the game or biking , we didn 't say much more to each other . After dinner , I cleaned up while she sat on the deck . She yawned . " That 's probably best . I didn 't think this wine would wipe me out but it has . Thanks for the wonderful evening . " I bent and kissed her cheek and left . " Me too . Sorry about last night . I 'd taken a pain pill , no doubt a huge mistake . The wine finished me . Can I make it up to you tonight ? I 've had no alcohol and my leg 's tolerable today . " I almost yelled ' yes ! ' but reined myself in . " Well , if you 're up to it . How about I take you somewhere for dinner , if you haven 't eaten ? " She smiled widely . " Hi ! " Is it possible for a woman to become even more beautiful ? She managed it . Tonight she wore a soft , pale blue blouse and dark blue designer jeans . After dinner we drove up Oak Creek Canyon and enjoyed the crystal - clear desert air . The beautiful blue skies of the day faded to the black of night . At one point we stopped and looked the brilliant stars above . " Around ten . Say … I 've some excellent coffee here and I 'm made some fresh sopapillas . Care to join me for a light breakfast ? " Her sopapillas were delightful and filling . Our conversation hinted at things moving forward between us . She definitely looked good in her snug white short shorts and blue t - shirt . She cocked her hip and teased , " Why Hal Williams , I thought you were a gentleman . " Laughing at my perplexed look , she said , " You are ! And thank you for noticing . " " You were a good student . Ron , my ex , was all about him . " She blushed . " All he cared about was he 'd scored me , the college hottie . " " As a poor kid , I needed all the help I could get although I had a couple of partial scholarships . " She stopped and stared out into the distance . " I guess what I did with him makes me a whore . I had sex for money … his … and would do almost anything he suggested if it would keep me in school . I did things for him I am not proud of . " " No , I 've discussed this with my shrink , the one I needed after Ron 's suicide . I thought it was my fault he did it and , of course , it wasn 't . I 'm still dealing with it . " " I don 't care what you did before . You are here with me , right this second . And from right this second onward , that other Sabrina doesn 't exist . " Someone splashed into the cool , blue water of the pool below us . " Sabrina , please stop . I don 't care about any of that . Dry your eyes . To me you 're the incredible woman I pulled out of a ravine the other day . " My heart stopped dead in my chest . I know it did . I 've known this woman less than a week and she says that . Funny thing is that I was already feeling that way too . I offered her my hand . I never thought I 'd find another woman in a million years that could compare with Sally . I 'd done it in a week . Later , I was stirring my spaghetti sauce for dinner . She was wearing that pale blue caftan again , the one that made her look ghostly . My back was turned when she whispered , " Hal ? " Her voice sounded strange , breathless , I guess . I suddenly felt as if I had climbed a steep hill again . My chest constricted . I was short of breath . I … I couldn 't breathe … something was wrong . Terribly , terribly wrong . " … And finally , in local news tonight , the city of Sedona was stunned to hear that two of her citizens have been found dead . Noted software and game developer Hal Williams was found dead earlier today from an apparent suicide . And after a month of intense searching in and around the area , the body of noted orthopedic surgeon Dr . Sabrina Delgado was found this morning by hikers . They said it looked like she went off a trail while biking . Stay tuned for these developing stories . " Slowly I opened my eyes . I was lying on something hard and cold and no , it wasn 't my ex - husband . It was worse , if such a thing was possible . When I could focus , I saw white . I was surrounded by white . My confused mind tried to make sense of it . It couldn 't be my bed . I had blue striped sheets and it definitely wasn 't hard . It was cold , too . So , I wasn 't in my bed and I was not in a hospital bed , where was I ? I realized that I was the victim of a bad case of stupid . I had been up in the hayloft taking bales of hay off a trailer . I was in a hurry to get the hay in before this winter storm got worse and wearing the wrong shoes . Snow had blown into the open hayloft door and melted . The sill of the opening was wet and slick and I had slipped on the wet hay and fallen . How did I miss the trailer ? Didn 't know . I did know that I was a hundred yards from the house and I was in a whole world of trouble . The pain shot through me like a lightning bolt . I tried to push up with my right arm to see if I could figure out how bad off I was . It wasn 't a good idea . My right wrist was broken . As I tried not to pass out I realized that my hand was bent entirely the wrong way . Fighting for consciousness , I looked farther down my body . Right leg . Definitely broken mid - calf . I took a deep breath . I raised my left arm . It was good . Left leg ? Not so good . I 'd landed on a garden rake , one I should have put away last fall . My left calf was firmly impaled on several of the hard steel tines . I fell back , staring straight up into a blanket of white . Was this going to be my shroud ? Dead because of stupidity ? I remembered laughing with others on Facebook about people doing the stupid things people did . Karma had caught up with me . I wondered through my fog if other people were going to laugh at me for exactly the same thing . My name is Lucretia DiBartolo . ' Luke ' for short . My Dad had a terrible sense of humor and hung me with the name of a killer . Thanks Dad . But I couldn 't move . I could feel warmth where blood was puddling around my left leg and knew this wasn 't a good thing . Freeze or bleed to death . Great choice . I moaned out , " Gee , thanks Dad . " I knew it was useless to yell because there was no one on the ranch today but me . My daughter was in town with her fiancé , picking up her wedding gown . My son was overseas . The wedding was tomorrow . Shit . Mom in a cast . Wonderful . I wondered if I could get a cast to match my peach dress . My mind takes weird turns in dire situations . Who gave a crap if my dress matched my cast ? I needed to make that hundred yards first or it wouldn 't make any difference . Phone ! Of course . Gritting my teeth , I used my left hand to snake it out of my right back pocket . It was worthless . Now I 'm not a big girl at all but still , a fall from the hayloft onto an aluminum and glass phone wasn 't good and this phone was toast . Another mistake . I had been trying to make it a habit to put it in one of my breast pockets and close the button . What was the saying ? ' There is no try , only do ? ' Well I didn 't . I raised my head and tried to see through the whiteout . One hundred yards . Is that my epitaph ? One hundred yards but she wimped out ? I certainly hoped not . I had to take Dad 's advice , dead or not . I had to get to the house . I felt it getting colder and my jeans and barn jacket , warm as they were , weren 't going to cut it much longer . Slowly , I curled up , thanking God for all the crunchies I did , raised my left leg and smacked the rake handle . It fell out of my leg . I watched and waited a moment . I was bleeding but not gushing . A small miracle . I didn 't think I 'd bleed to death . " Right Dad . You ain 't out here . You died in a plane crash . In summer . So shut th ' fu … " I caught myself … " Just shut up . " To add to everything else , I was talking to a dead guy . Another elbow and knee combination . Repeat . I giggled . Like washing my graying hair ; wash , rinse , repeat . Elbow , knee , repeat . I told you I was losing it . A few more hard inches . Then a root . A ragged edge snagged my belt , stopping me dead . I screamed , or I thought I did , " Why is this tree here ? " Oh . I 'd planted it with my Dad when I was in the first grade . I felt myself beginning to lose it . My gloves were soaked . Was I going to lose fingers ? I worried about my right wrist and leg . How bad was it going to be ? I rested for a moment . After what seemed like days but was only minutes , I hoped , I looked back . The snow blocked my vision and I couldn 't see how far I 'd come . Damn . Somewhere out there ahead of me was the house , hidden in blowing snow . Well , I 've never been considered a sissy , so I pushed on . Pull with my elbow , push with my knee . I couldn 't feel my right arm now . You know ? No one ever tells you just how rough a yard can be . I thought mine was fairly smooth . Boy , was I wrong . There were sticks and rocks and more of those stupid roots . I was sure that I hit every single one of them . I made a promise to myself that if I survived this , I was going to haul in dirt and cover everything to putting green smoothness . I glanced back . I saw a short bloody trail that disappeared into the white . I think I 'd ripped my left hip open on something too . The snow thickened to the point that I couldn 't see beyond the end of my leg . Probably a good thing . There was a momentary pause in the blowing snow . I saw the driveway ! Almost there . Pull , push . Pull , push . I could see the steps leading to the kitchen . Thank God . Driving back from town , it was a good thing that I loved my girlfriend . The drive into town to pick up her wedding dress had been tough enough in the early part of the storm . Jeeze … we could have put the wedding off until next week after this storm passed . Besides her mom , it was just Linda , some mutual friends and me . Her brother was overseas and couldn 't get home . All my family was back east . They weren 't wild about me marrying some girl who lived on a ranch out in the middle of Nowhere , Idaho . At the moment , I was wondering why I was , too . I nodded . Two long hours on the road to drive five miles . Linda and her mom had the absolute best scotch and by god I was going to avail myself to some about three seconds after I got through the door . I might even take the time to pour a couple of fingers instead of slugging it down straight from the bottle . " Linda , " I looked at her , " I can see the driveway . Now , let me concentrate . Why you have this curve in it is a mystery . " She crossed her arms because she was getting huffy . Tension had been building between us . Both pre - marriage jitters and this seemingly never - ending , white - knuckle drive from town . He looked interesting so why not give it a try ? Henry Roberts looked to be in his mid - forties , tall with a good build . His profile photos showed him on a beach wearing baggy , multi - colored trunks and a nice tan . Additional pictures showed him standing in the snow with cross - country skis and wearing a bright red knit hat . His shoulder length , sandy blonde hair spilled out from under that hat . He had sexy curls , too . I kinda liked that . I hadn 't had a date in ages , although I 'd been told I was fairly attractive . I tried the on - line dating scene once , after my divorce a number of years ago . I found it a total waste of my time . Maybe on YourPlace I could meet someone in an entirely different setting ; get to know him and who knows ? I 'd heard of people meeting like this and actually getting married . I told him that I worked as a store manager for a chic boutique and loved biking and canoeing . Turned out he lived in the next town up the valley where he taught music at their local high school . He skied , hiked and kayaked . I wasn 't in a hurry to start dating , though , having been burned a couple of times before . When he suggested coffee , my children , well two of them , were excited for me . My twin daughters , fifteen , loved the idea of me dating again . My son , seventeen , was busy skateboarding and sort of dismissed mom dating as a waste of his time . We were going to meet at an Evangeline 's Bistro on the north end of my town . All day long I found myself more excited than I 'd been in a couple of years . As soon as I closed the store , I drove out to the coffee shop . I was a few minutes early so I went in and found a table by the window . The view was spectacular with spring in full force . The days were getting warmer and the nights were still a little chilly . It was one of my favorite times of year . I waited and did a little YourPlacing , chatting with my close friends around the country . After awhile I realized I was still alone . I checked my watch again and realized that my ' date ' was now thirty minutes late . This was not a good way to start a relationship . I messaged him and got no answer . I gave him another thirty minutes and if he was still a no - show , then screw him . Figuratively , of course . He didn 't and I left angry . When I got home , I kicked off my shoes , poured a glass of red wine , and then plopped on the couch . I hadn 't been stood - up since high school and it really pissed me off . Because of my red hair , or so I 'm told , I have a pretty good temper and at the moment it was running close to full tilt . I jumped up and got my laptop with the intention of unfriending this asshole . As I glanced at the mirror in the living room , a stranger looked back at me . That stopped me in my tracks . That woman had honey blonde hair and it was long ! What ? That certainly wasn 't possible . I 'm a blazing red head . Well , I was angry and tired and had been stood - up . Not a great combination to start with and maybe something from part of misspent youth was flashing back on me . Wouldn 't be the first time . I got my laptop , opened it , and went to my page . Strange , I thought , he wasn 't there . Not even in the Search YourPlace section . I worried . I was only thirty - seven and as far as I knew , too young for dementia or something . I returned to the couch and had a long swallow of my wine . As I thought about it , it occurred to me that maybe I was being played for some reason . Now I was really pissed . Why would anyone want to mess around with my mind like this ? I posted a couple of scathing comments about people who did that sort of thing , signed off , and had another glass of wine . I fed the kids , took a shower , and crashed . This was just too weird and maybe sleep would help . Next morning I found out that sleep had not helped . Something wasn 't right . I 'm busty , have a nice butt and excellent legs . Lord knows I work on them enough . To my immense surprise , my bras , all of them , were too small ! At least a full cup too small . I know my cycles and know that my breasts can go up half a cup once a month . It wasn 't that time yet . But my hair was red . Well , I was pushing forty so maybe hormonal changes were causing me to imagine things ? I held that thought until I pulled on my designer panties . They were too big ! What ? That definitely wasn 't right . The last time I wore them , exactly a week ago , they fit me perfectly . Now it was like they 'd jumped up about two sizes . So I pinned up the excess , growled at the kids , traffic , and life in general , and then went to work . I tried not to think about it . At lunch I received a message from Henry on my phone app asking if I wanted to try again . I am willing to give most people another chance so I replied with ' sure . ' Same place , same time . Same result . Knowing about kids trying to act grown up or men pretending to be women or women pretending to be men , I carefully scanned the cafe . The place was practically empty and nobody was paying the least bit of attention to me . Then I thought about trolls and stalkers . I checked the parking lot . Other than my car in front , the rest of the lot was empty . Everything was closed in the little mall but this Evangeline 's . I was being jacked around . When I got home , his account was there and a message apologizing for not meeting . Something had come up . Right . His wife , for instance ? She hugged me and didn 't make any comments about the fact I was two inches taller . I was six feet . My god . To think I 'd bitched since the eighth grade about being five - ten . But Holly didn 't say a thing . And my damn hair was now brunette . She didn 't say anything about that , either . Somebody was messing with me and I didn 't like it . Or maybe I was dreaming . Mushroom pizza before bed was always a bad idea . I took a shower and felt better but was still worried . I considered talking with Holly and Lorraine , her sister , about future care for me . Bob was with friends that night . I decided to pass on discussing this with the twins just now . I felt better after the shower so why scare them when it was obviously something else ? What , I hadn 't a clue . All kinds of terrible things went through my mind as I tried to sleep . Dressing for work the next morning , everything fit . My underwear was the right size , my blue denim skirt fit exactly right and I was back to five - ten . Maybe I 'd had some kind of weird reaction to something I 'd eaten after all . As my kids would say , I tended to keep things in the refrigerator until they developed intelligence . Dismissing it , I drove to the shop and went in ; the smell of all those flowers hit me hard . That night I sipped my rum and wondered about it . I hadn 't fallen at all most of my life . Well , once , and that was out of a tree when I was twelve . I 'd broken my arm but hadn 't hit my head . I 'd never been in a car accident and never had a bike crash . Besides , I always wore a helmet . Rum ? I looked at the glass and carefully set it down . I got up and realized my house wasn 't right . Where was that nifty little wine rack I 'd had for several years ? The one I 'd painted brick red ? My pot rack that hung over the island … that wasn 't there , either . Now I was becoming very frightened . I ran to the bathroom , just making the toilet … avocado ? Seriously ? And vomited hard until I was into dry heaves . Lorraine ran in and comforted me until I could stand and get into the shower . She helped me undress … all my underwear today was blue . Blue ? I distinctly remembered wearing pink to work . This stuff was see - through too . I don 't have anything that transparent because while I may look pretty hot , my underwear was always somewhat conservative . Hell , I was wearing a blue thong ! Turning , Lorraine stood there and looked at me , crying . There was intense sadness in her face as if facing some impending loss . I could suddenly see through her eyes . Wait ! Her body shimmered and faded . No ! The mirror above my dresser reflected … nothing . There was no reflection of me standing there , no reflection of me on the bed . Nothing . " Bite me Harold , " he said as he looked at the screen . " Mom and Dad won 't let me mess with programs like this at home . Besides , I liked her better tall with the big boobs . " " You perv , " Harold replied . " She looked good like she was . Well , I thought she was nice . You didn 't even make her ass look right . Let 's just delete all of it and start over . " " Her husband is missing . Two police officers arrive at her door . Her world collapses . Sara Sutherlin 's life changes in ways she can 't possibly imagine . If they existed , could they still be with us but hidden in plain sight ? It 's guaranteed that the idea of dragons , past or present , real or imaginary , never crossed Träd Jackson 's mind when he was stunned by the sight of Hannah Hrokrsen entering the park where he was painting the scene . The tall , leggy , beautiful young woman had come to eat her lunch and was oblivious of him . The existence of dragons also didn 't cross his mind as two men snatched the girl while she sat and ate . Who were these men and why did they just try and kidnap an innocent young woman ? All he thought of was saving her as he ran after her and her kidnappers . Men painting didn 't enter Hannah 's mind when she passed the big , handsome man on her lunch break . She had other things on her mind like … her father and how angry he was going to be when she 'd escaped his control . For the first time in her short nineteen years , she would be free . Who were these men ? And those dragons ? What did they have to do with anything ? Charging into the dense woods after the girl and the two men , Träd Jackson had no idea the world he was entering . Now ! The Witches of Aba Nam , Book 2 : The Lure The second book in the The Witches of Aba Nam series , Book 2 : The Lure , is now available on Amazon for Kindle . The paper version will be out later this week ! Look for it !
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Becca Pierce is an undercover cop trying to stop a fanatic who hates Mumans and the Littleton Corportation who created them . Unfortunately , things go sideways . She 's been raped and then almost gunned down by something completely unrelated to her original mission . The book is about half finished at 56K . Hope to finish it , at least a draft , in the next few weeks . Keep an eye out for it . Ariel Taylor can slow time almost to a complete stop . For instance , she can move between rain drops , enjoy snow in a way normal people can 't fathom . She 's also pregnant with twins who may or may not also have the same ability . The Government wants her , whether she likes it or not . Will she escape and what will she have to do to get away from them ? And what other ability does she have ? Will her twins have ? And the men she meets . What do they have to offer her ? Nikki Sanchez , if that 's her real name , is a young woman who wanders into a bar in Mexico and meets Tom Sawyer , the ex - rock and roll legend . He dropped out of the whole scene after a bad accident some years back and opened his quiet , unassuming bar in a coastal town in Mexico . Before he 's given it much thought , he 's embroiled in a nationwide hunt for answers , dodging killers and discovering love he never thought possible . Along the way he also finds a daughter he never knew he had . My wife of thirty years died two years ago . Our three kids were grown and gone . I picked up the bag . Should I or shouldn 't I ? Shrugging , I attached the rubber hose to the tank and continued to toy with the bag . I attached the hose to the side of the bag . Now all I had to do was pull it over my head and zip it as closed as I could . Then … reach over and turn the valve . Four or five deep breaths and bye - bye , see you later , adios . I put the bag down and went over to my desk . Everything was good . I neatly stacked the papers in front of my monitor , signed places where I needed to sign and listed all my passwords . There was nothing on the hard drive anyone shouldn 't see . I didn 't want to answer but something told me it might be important . It was . " This is Hal . What 's up , Simon ? " " Hey ! Glad I caught you . " If he only knew . " Hal , I need an original signature on a form before I can finalize your rights to the game . Sorry man . " " Sure Hal . Take your time . It 's not like we don 't have plenty of it . See you when you get here . I 'll have Nancy show you in so you won 't have to wait . " " Hal ? Are you okay ? You look , I don 't know , depressed , I guess . I don 't normally say this to people but as I 've known you since the sixth grade , I think I can . You need to see somebody about losing Sally . It 's tearing you apart and has since she passed . Man , I can see it in your face . " " Listen . Do yourself a favor . Why don 't you wander down to Evangeline 's and have a cup of coffee . I want you to consider whatever it is you 're thinking about . Really think about it . Why don 't you go somewhere different for a while ? Head over to the coast . San Francisco ? Seattle ? Someplace green . I guarantee the change of scenery will do you good . " I nodded and left the building and decided Simon was right . I really wanted a cup of coffee … a last cup . Evangeline 's was on the corner . As I passed the newspaper box I glimpsed a bold headline : I shrugged . Didn 't need to read the rest . People were forever getting lost in the mountains here . But I hoped they would find whoever it was . Maybe I really did need a change . Every place I went here brought her back . I was overwhelmed with memories and I couldn 't seem to shake the despair . When I returned home , I took my suicide apparatus apart and stored the parts in different places in the garage . I realized that my biggest problem was that I retired after Sally died and mostly floated in my depression . As the day progressed I found I was feeling better . I took out a couple of suitcases and started tossing in mostly casual clothes . Before closing the suitcases , I took one last look around . Feeling a little light - headed , as if I 'd climbed too many steps at once , I opened her lingerie drawer . A whiff of her fading perfume floated gently up . Wiping a tear , I slammed it shut . I didn 't need this . Not now . But eventually , all roads lead to home . Sedona . Talk about a lovely town . With all the red rocks and rock formations around , it was a beautiful place . I desperately needed to move into something much smaller … mostly to escape memories . Over the next two weeks I looked at a number of places . Some so expensive as to make my eyes bug out at the price . Just about to give up and go to Phoenix , a place opened on the west end out against the hills . Major depression engulfed me like a thick , gray fog . For the first time in over a month I was ready to die . I bought a bottle of scotch . I sat in my living room looking out over the town with the unopened bottle in one hand , a gun in the other . The next day , I looked at my mountain bike hanging in the garage . I hadn 't ridden at all in a couple of years . I realized that hauling the bike around was going to be easier with a pickup than my Mercedes . As far as perfect Arizona days go , this had to be one of the best . Low 70 's , dry , brilliant blue sky . The trail I followed wasn 't too technical to start with as it meandered gently around boulders and cacti although it climbed continually upward . I was having the time of my life … no worries , no concerns , and I was alive . I was beginning a steep descent when I noticed tire tracks going off the trail down into a deep ravine . It was right in the curve and I hoped whoever biffed it was okay . I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye . A flash of blue ? Something . At the bottom of the descent , I stopped for water and looked back up the way I 'd come . It was a steep sucker and I 'd done well negotiating it . I thought I saw a flash of blue again up in some large rocks but then I decided I was wrong . I was still looking up there when I saw that blue flash again . I pulled the bike off the trail for the safety of anyone else coming down and started climbing up the ravine . I rounded a boulder and there , thirty feet further up was a girl , her leg caught between two large rocks . She wasn 't moving . Her lower right leg , just below her knee , was wedged between two rocks . The girl or woman , I couldn 't tell yet , was upside down , facing me . Her arms hung toward the ground , her helmet was crushed on one side . What I 'd seen was her blue jacket fluttering in the slight breeze . Quickly but carefully so I didn 't twist something myself , I climbed to her . I was afraid I was far too late to be any good . I felt her throat to see if she had a pulse . It was slow and steady . I was going to have to lift her upper body higher than the leg to extract her and it from the rocks . Thankfully , I was still in pretty good shape . I ducked below her so that her neck pressed against my chest . Gently and slowly I pushed up , raising her . She popped loose , causing me to fall backwards . I caught her in my arms as we fell to protect her from further injury as we crashed to the ground . I got her situated and took a quick look at the leg . It was definitely broken . " Uhh … " she said as she bit down the tip . She swallowed a couple of times . Letting go of the spout , she gasped , " Thanks . How bad am I , doc ? " " Looks like your right leg is broken . And I 'm not a doctor . " I had to smile . She was certainly pretty , in an ' injured female biker ' kind of way . " I haven 't looked for it . That 's secondary right now . There 's no service in this hole so I need to go up to the top . Will you be okay while I 'm gone ? " " Yeah , sure . Can … can I get more water ? " I gave her the backpack and hiked back to the top of the trail . The climb up made for shortness of breath but I did it and made the call . I enjoyed the rest of the ride back to where I parked . What a day , I thought , loading my bike in the truck . Great ride . I rescued a damsel in distress and felt better now than I had since before Sally died . I also realized I could think about her being gone without my heart flying up into my throat . Over the next several days I began trying to write , something I 'd wanted to do for years . I 'd had a couple of dystopian young adult / new adult ideas kicking around since I 'd read the ' Hunger Games ' books . But sitting inside wasn 't cutting it . I took my laptop and went down to the pool . I was deep into pounding the keys when a shadow crossed my table . Looking up I faced a good - looking woman , possibly in her mid - thirties . She had short , deep auburn hair , amazing gray eyes and a wide , beautiful smile . The woman was definitely curvaceous and about five - six or seven . She wore a dark blue bikini that was perfect on her . The only word that came to mind was ' hot . ' As in very . I shook my head . " Should I ? " She was on crutches . " I 'm sorry . Have a seat . " I pointed at the chair next to me . Sometimes , as Sally used to say , I could be thick as a brick . " Thanks . " She sat and stretched her right leg across the empty chair next to her . I saw the cast below her knee . An impish smile danced on her lips and her eyes sparkled . She set her bag on the table and leaned her crutches against another chair . " Look closely , " she said again . Trust me , I did . " Recognize me yet ? " Her voice was like liquid smoke . Throaty and sexy as could be . " Nice to meet you , again , Hal Williams . I 'm Sabrina Delgado . " We shook . I felt like a fool . I hadn 't been anywhere in ages where I could have met someone as beautiful as this woman and forgotten her . Just wasn 't possible . " Okay , Ms . Delgado , I really don 't remember you . Did I bump into your car at Safeway or something ? If I did I 'm sorry and I 'll pay for the damage . " She laughed again . " I saw you sitting here and at least I recognized you . I live over there , " she pointed about two doors down from my place . " I really can 't believe that the man who saved my life can 't remember doing it . I 'm the one with the , " she pointed at her right leg , " broken leg who no doubt would have died had you not come along . Now do you remember ? " Thick as a brick . Yep . That 's me . " That was you ? I 'm sorry I didn 't recognize you . I couldn 't see much of your face . The rest of you , well , I was busy trying to get you out of those rocks . " " Please , call me Sabrina . " She smiled brightly . " Other than my leg , I had some scrapes and bruises on my back and butt and a slight concussion . My leg has a simple break which is why I 'm now moving around . I hate hospitals which is a complete oxymoron . I 'm an orthopedic surgeon . " She laughed . " And you ? What do you do ? " " Yeah , widow . Three years ago my husband found out he had testicular cancer . He walked out in the desert and killed himself because he couldn 't live with it . " She paused . " Sorry . I realize that was too much information . On the other hand , he left me pretty well set and my practice is bustling . " We spent an hour getting to know one another before she had to go back to her place and rest . We decided to meet later . I 'd buy some food so she wouldn 't have to shop . " What did you bring ? " she asked later when I came in . She 'd changed into a translucently pale blue caftan . Made her look … ethereal , I guess , like some kind of an angel . As I sat the groceries down on her kitchen counter , she crossed between me and the setting sun , momentarily turning her caftan invisible . I honestly thought my heart would stop . She set dinnerware out on her deck table as I cooked steaks . While I was busy with the grill , she asked , " What would you like to drink ? I have wine , beer , Pepsi . " " That 's your game ? The one with the movies and novels ? The one that 's one of my all time favorites ? You wrote that ? " " But I 'm not telling all the story . It 's not been a bed of roses . A little over two years ago , I was attending an AA meeting . My wife and a friend of hers were t - boned by a woman running a stop sign at about seventy miles per hour . " I suddenly found myself choking up and took a deep drink to gather my wits . We finished eating quietly , the mood somber . Other than a comment about the game or biking , we didn 't say much more to each other . After dinner , I cleaned up while she sat on the deck . She yawned . " That 's probably best . I didn 't think this wine would wipe me out but it has . Thanks for the wonderful evening . " I bent and kissed her cheek and left . " Me too . Sorry about last night . I 'd taken a pain pill , no doubt a huge mistake . The wine finished me . Can I make it up to you tonight ? I 've had no alcohol and my leg 's tolerable today . " I almost yelled ' yes ! ' but reined myself in . " Well , if you 're up to it . How about I take you somewhere for dinner , if you haven 't eaten ? " She smiled widely . " Hi ! " Is it possible for a woman to become even more beautiful ? She managed it . Tonight she wore a soft , pale blue blouse and dark blue designer jeans . After dinner we drove up Oak Creek Canyon and enjoyed the crystal - clear desert air . The beautiful blue skies of the day faded to the black of night . At one point we stopped and looked the brilliant stars above . " Around ten . Say … I 've some excellent coffee here and I 'm made some fresh sopapillas . Care to join me for a light breakfast ? " Her sopapillas were delightful and filling . Our conversation hinted at things moving forward between us . She definitely looked good in her snug white short shorts and blue t - shirt . She cocked her hip and teased , " Why Hal Williams , I thought you were a gentleman . " Laughing at my perplexed look , she said , " You are ! And thank you for noticing . " " You were a good student . Ron , my ex , was all about him . " She blushed . " All he cared about was he 'd scored me , the college hottie . " " As a poor kid , I needed all the help I could get although I had a couple of partial scholarships . " She stopped and stared out into the distance . " I guess what I did with him makes me a whore . I had sex for money … his … and would do almost anything he suggested if it would keep me in school . I did things for him I am not proud of . " " No , I 've discussed this with my shrink , the one I needed after Ron 's suicide . I thought it was my fault he did it and , of course , it wasn 't . I 'm still dealing with it . " " I don 't care what you did before . You are here with me , right this second . And from right this second onward , that other Sabrina doesn 't exist . " Someone splashed into the cool , blue water of the pool below us . " Sabrina , please stop . I don 't care about any of that . Dry your eyes . To me you 're the incredible woman I pulled out of a ravine the other day . " My heart stopped dead in my chest . I know it did . I 've known this woman less than a week and she says that . Funny thing is that I was already feeling that way too . I offered her my hand . I never thought I 'd find another woman in a million years that could compare with Sally . I 'd done it in a week . Later , I was stirring my spaghetti sauce for dinner . She was wearing that pale blue caftan again , the one that made her look ghostly . My back was turned when she whispered , " Hal ? " Her voice sounded strange , breathless , I guess . I suddenly felt as if I had climbed a steep hill again . My chest constricted . I was short of breath . I … I couldn 't breathe … something was wrong . Terribly , terribly wrong . " … And finally , in local news tonight , the city of Sedona was stunned to hear that two of her citizens have been found dead . Noted software and game developer Hal Williams was found dead earlier today from an apparent suicide . And after a month of intense searching in and around the area , the body of noted orthopedic surgeon Dr . Sabrina Delgado was found this morning by hikers . They said it looked like she went off a trail while biking . Stay tuned for these developing stories . " Slowly I opened my eyes . I was lying on something hard and cold and no , it wasn 't my ex - husband . It was worse , if such a thing was possible . When I could focus , I saw white . I was surrounded by white . My confused mind tried to make sense of it . It couldn 't be my bed . I had blue striped sheets and it definitely wasn 't hard . It was cold , too . So , I wasn 't in my bed and I was not in a hospital bed , where was I ? I realized that I was the victim of a bad case of stupid . I had been up in the hayloft taking bales of hay off a trailer . I was in a hurry to get the hay in before this winter storm got worse and wearing the wrong shoes . Snow had blown into the open hayloft door and melted . The sill of the opening was wet and slick and I had slipped on the wet hay and fallen . How did I miss the trailer ? Didn 't know . I did know that I was a hundred yards from the house and I was in a whole world of trouble . The pain shot through me like a lightning bolt . I tried to push up with my right arm to see if I could figure out how bad off I was . It wasn 't a good idea . My right wrist was broken . As I tried not to pass out I realized that my hand was bent entirely the wrong way . Fighting for consciousness , I looked farther down my body . Right leg . Definitely broken mid - calf . I took a deep breath . I raised my left arm . It was good . Left leg ? Not so good . I 'd landed on a garden rake , one I should have put away last fall . My left calf was firmly impaled on several of the hard steel tines . I fell back , staring straight up into a blanket of white . Was this going to be my shroud ? Dead because of stupidity ? I remembered laughing with others on Facebook about people doing the stupid things people did . Karma had caught up with me . I wondered through my fog if other people were going to laugh at me for exactly the same thing . My name is Lucretia DiBartolo . ' Luke ' for short . My Dad had a terrible sense of humor and hung me with the name of a killer . Thanks Dad . But I couldn 't move . I could feel warmth where blood was puddling around my left leg and knew this wasn 't a good thing . Freeze or bleed to death . Great choice . I moaned out , " Gee , thanks Dad . " I knew it was useless to yell because there was no one on the ranch today but me . My daughter was in town with her fiancé , picking up her wedding gown . My son was overseas . The wedding was tomorrow . Shit . Mom in a cast . Wonderful . I wondered if I could get a cast to match my peach dress . My mind takes weird turns in dire situations . Who gave a crap if my dress matched my cast ? I needed to make that hundred yards first or it wouldn 't make any difference . Phone ! Of course . Gritting my teeth , I used my left hand to snake it out of my right back pocket . It was worthless . Now I 'm not a big girl at all but still , a fall from the hayloft onto an aluminum and glass phone wasn 't good and this phone was toast . Another mistake . I had been trying to make it a habit to put it in one of my breast pockets and close the button . What was the saying ? ' There is no try , only do ? ' Well I didn 't . I raised my head and tried to see through the whiteout . One hundred yards . Is that my epitaph ? One hundred yards but she wimped out ? I certainly hoped not . I had to take Dad 's advice , dead or not . I had to get to the house . I felt it getting colder and my jeans and barn jacket , warm as they were , weren 't going to cut it much longer . Slowly , I curled up , thanking God for all the crunchies I did , raised my left leg and smacked the rake handle . It fell out of my leg . I watched and waited a moment . I was bleeding but not gushing . A small miracle . I didn 't think I 'd bleed to death . " Right Dad . You ain 't out here . You died in a plane crash . In summer . So shut th ' fu … " I caught myself … " Just shut up . " To add to everything else , I was talking to a dead guy . Another elbow and knee combination . Repeat . I giggled . Like washing my graying hair ; wash , rinse , repeat . Elbow , knee , repeat . I told you I was losing it . A few more hard inches . Then a root . A ragged edge snagged my belt , stopping me dead . I screamed , or I thought I did , " Why is this tree here ? " Oh . I 'd planted it with my Dad when I was in the first grade . I felt myself beginning to lose it . My gloves were soaked . Was I going to lose fingers ? I worried about my right wrist and leg . How bad was it going to be ? I rested for a moment . After what seemed like days but was only minutes , I hoped , I looked back . The snow blocked my vision and I couldn 't see how far I 'd come . Damn . Somewhere out there ahead of me was the house , hidden in blowing snow . Well , I 've never been considered a sissy , so I pushed on . Pull with my elbow , push with my knee . I couldn 't feel my right arm now . You know ? No one ever tells you just how rough a yard can be . I thought mine was fairly smooth . Boy , was I wrong . There were sticks and rocks and more of those stupid roots . I was sure that I hit every single one of them . I made a promise to myself that if I survived this , I was going to haul in dirt and cover everything to putting green smoothness . I glanced back . I saw a short bloody trail that disappeared into the white . I think I 'd ripped my left hip open on something too . The snow thickened to the point that I couldn 't see beyond the end of my leg . Probably a good thing . There was a momentary pause in the blowing snow . I saw the driveway ! Almost there . Pull , push . Pull , push . I could see the steps leading to the kitchen . Thank God . Driving back from town , it was a good thing that I loved my girlfriend . The drive into town to pick up her wedding dress had been tough enough in the early part of the storm . Jeeze … we could have put the wedding off until next week after this storm passed . Besides her mom , it was just Linda , some mutual friends and me . Her brother was overseas and couldn 't get home . All my family was back east . They weren 't wild about me marrying some girl who lived on a ranch out in the middle of Nowhere , Idaho . At the moment , I was wondering why I was , too . I nodded . Two long hours on the road to drive five miles . Linda and her mom had the absolute best scotch and by god I was going to avail myself to some about three seconds after I got through the door . I might even take the time to pour a couple of fingers instead of slugging it down straight from the bottle . " Linda , " I looked at her , " I can see the driveway . Now , let me concentrate . Why you have this curve in it is a mystery . " She crossed her arms because she was getting huffy . Tension had been building between us . Both pre - marriage jitters and this seemingly never - ending , white - knuckle drive from town . He looked interesting so why not give it a try ? Henry Roberts looked to be in his mid - forties , tall with a good build . His profile photos showed him on a beach wearing baggy , multi - colored trunks and a nice tan . Additional pictures showed him standing in the snow with cross - country skis and wearing a bright red knit hat . His shoulder length , sandy blonde hair spilled out from under that hat . He had sexy curls , too . I kinda liked that . I hadn 't had a date in ages , although I 'd been told I was fairly attractive . I tried the on - line dating scene once , after my divorce a number of years ago . I found it a total waste of my time . Maybe on YourPlace I could meet someone in an entirely different setting ; get to know him and who knows ? I 'd heard of people meeting like this and actually getting married . I told him that I worked as a store manager for a chic boutique and loved biking and canoeing . Turned out he lived in the next town up the valley where he taught music at their local high school . He skied , hiked and kayaked . I wasn 't in a hurry to start dating , though , having been burned a couple of times before . When he suggested coffee , my children , well two of them , were excited for me . My twin daughters , fifteen , loved the idea of me dating again . My son , seventeen , was busy skateboarding and sort of dismissed mom dating as a waste of his time . We were going to meet at an Evangeline 's Bistro on the north end of my town . All day long I found myself more excited than I 'd been in a couple of years . As soon as I closed the store , I drove out to the coffee shop . I was a few minutes early so I went in and found a table by the window . The view was spectacular with spring in full force . The days were getting warmer and the nights were still a little chilly . It was one of my favorite times of year . I waited and did a little YourPlacing , chatting with my close friends around the country . After awhile I realized I was still alone . I checked my watch again and realized that my ' date ' was now thirty minutes late . This was not a good way to start a relationship . I messaged him and got no answer . I gave him another thirty minutes and if he was still a no - show , then screw him . Figuratively , of course . He didn 't and I left angry . When I got home , I kicked off my shoes , poured a glass of red wine , and then plopped on the couch . I hadn 't been stood - up since high school and it really pissed me off . Because of my red hair , or so I 'm told , I have a pretty good temper and at the moment it was running close to full tilt . I jumped up and got my laptop with the intention of unfriending this asshole . As I glanced at the mirror in the living room , a stranger looked back at me . That stopped me in my tracks . That woman had honey blonde hair and it was long ! What ? That certainly wasn 't possible . I 'm a blazing red head . Well , I was angry and tired and had been stood - up . Not a great combination to start with and maybe something from part of misspent youth was flashing back on me . Wouldn 't be the first time . I got my laptop , opened it , and went to my page . Strange , I thought , he wasn 't there . Not even in the Search YourPlace section . I worried . I was only thirty - seven and as far as I knew , too young for dementia or something . I returned to the couch and had a long swallow of my wine . As I thought about it , it occurred to me that maybe I was being played for some reason . Now I was really pissed . Why would anyone want to mess around with my mind like this ? I posted a couple of scathing comments about people who did that sort of thing , signed off , and had another glass of wine . I fed the kids , took a shower , and crashed . This was just too weird and maybe sleep would help . Next morning I found out that sleep had not helped . Something wasn 't right . I 'm busty , have a nice butt and excellent legs . Lord knows I work on them enough . To my immense surprise , my bras , all of them , were too small ! At least a full cup too small . I know my cycles and know that my breasts can go up half a cup once a month . It wasn 't that time yet . But my hair was red . Well , I was pushing forty so maybe hormonal changes were causing me to imagine things ? I held that thought until I pulled on my designer panties . They were too big ! What ? That definitely wasn 't right . The last time I wore them , exactly a week ago , they fit me perfectly . Now it was like they 'd jumped up about two sizes . So I pinned up the excess , growled at the kids , traffic , and life in general , and then went to work . I tried not to think about it . At lunch I received a message from Henry on my phone app asking if I wanted to try again . I am willing to give most people another chance so I replied with ' sure . ' Same place , same time . Same result . Knowing about kids trying to act grown up or men pretending to be women or women pretending to be men , I carefully scanned the cafe . The place was practically empty and nobody was paying the least bit of attention to me . Then I thought about trolls and stalkers . I checked the parking lot . Other than my car in front , the rest of the lot was empty . Everything was closed in the little mall but this Evangeline 's . I was being jacked around . When I got home , his account was there and a message apologizing for not meeting . Something had come up . Right . His wife , for instance ? She hugged me and didn 't make any comments about the fact I was two inches taller . I was six feet . My god . To think I 'd bitched since the eighth grade about being five - ten . But Holly didn 't say a thing . And my damn hair was now brunette . She didn 't say anything about that , either . Somebody was messing with me and I didn 't like it . Or maybe I was dreaming . Mushroom pizza before bed was always a bad idea . I took a shower and felt better but was still worried . I considered talking with Holly and Lorraine , her sister , about future care for me . Bob was with friends that night . I decided to pass on discussing this with the twins just now . I felt better after the shower so why scare them when it was obviously something else ? What , I hadn 't a clue . All kinds of terrible things went through my mind as I tried to sleep . Dressing for work the next morning , everything fit . My underwear was the right size , my blue denim skirt fit exactly right and I was back to five - ten . Maybe I 'd had some kind of weird reaction to something I 'd eaten after all . As my kids would say , I tended to keep things in the refrigerator until they developed intelligence . Dismissing it , I drove to the shop and went in ; the smell of all those flowers hit me hard . That night I sipped my rum and wondered about it . I hadn 't fallen at all most of my life . Well , once , and that was out of a tree when I was twelve . I 'd broken my arm but hadn 't hit my head . I 'd never been in a car accident and never had a bike crash . Besides , I always wore a helmet . Rum ? I looked at the glass and carefully set it down . I got up and realized my house wasn 't right . Where was that nifty little wine rack I 'd had for several years ? The one I 'd painted brick red ? My pot rack that hung over the island … that wasn 't there , either . Now I was becoming very frightened . I ran to the bathroom , just making the toilet … avocado ? Seriously ? And vomited hard until I was into dry heaves . Lorraine ran in and comforted me until I could stand and get into the shower . She helped me undress … all my underwear today was blue . Blue ? I distinctly remembered wearing pink to work . This stuff was see - through too . I don 't have anything that transparent because while I may look pretty hot , my underwear was always somewhat conservative . Hell , I was wearing a blue thong ! Turning , Lorraine stood there and looked at me , crying . There was intense sadness in her face as if facing some impending loss . I could suddenly see through her eyes . Wait ! Her body shimmered and faded . No ! The mirror above my dresser reflected … nothing . There was no reflection of me standing there , no reflection of me on the bed . Nothing . " Bite me Harold , " he said as he looked at the screen . " Mom and Dad won 't let me mess with programs like this at home . Besides , I liked her better tall with the big boobs . " " You perv , " Harold replied . " She looked good like she was . Well , I thought she was nice . You didn 't even make her ass look right . Let 's just delete all of it and start over . " " Her husband is missing . Two police officers arrive at her door . Her world collapses . Sara Sutherlin 's life changes in ways she can 't possibly imagine . If they existed , could they still be with us but hidden in plain sight ? It 's guaranteed that the idea of dragons , past or present , real or imaginary , never crossed Träd Jackson 's mind when he was stunned by the sight of Hannah Hrokrsen entering the park where he was painting the scene . The tall , leggy , beautiful young woman had come to eat her lunch and was oblivious of him . The existence of dragons also didn 't cross his mind as two men snatched the girl while she sat and ate . Who were these men and why did they just try and kidnap an innocent young woman ? All he thought of was saving her as he ran after her and her kidnappers . Men painting didn 't enter Hannah 's mind when she passed the big , handsome man on her lunch break . She had other things on her mind like … her father and how angry he was going to be when she 'd escaped his control . For the first time in her short nineteen years , she would be free . Who were these men ? And those dragons ? What did they have to do with anything ? Charging into the dense woods after the girl and the two men , Träd Jackson had no idea the world he was entering . Now ! The Witches of Aba Nam , Book 2 : The Lure The second book in the The Witches of Aba Nam series , Book 2 : The Lure , is now available on Amazon for Kindle . The paper version will be out later this week ! Look for it !
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Becca Pierce is an undercover cop trying to stop a fanatic who hates Mumans and the Littleton Corportation who created them . Unfortunately , things go sideways . She 's been raped and then almost gunned down by something completely unrelated to her original mission . The book is about half finished at 56K . Hope to finish it , at least a draft , in the next few weeks . Keep an eye out for it . Ariel Taylor can slow time almost to a complete stop . For instance , she can move between rain drops , enjoy snow in a way normal people can 't fathom . She 's also pregnant with twins who may or may not also have the same ability . The Government wants her , whether she likes it or not . Will she escape and what will she have to do to get away from them ? And what other ability does she have ? Will her twins have ? And the men she meets . What do they have to offer her ? Nikki Sanchez , if that 's her real name , is a young woman who wanders into a bar in Mexico and meets Tom Sawyer , the ex - rock and roll legend . He dropped out of the whole scene after a bad accident some years back and opened his quiet , unassuming bar in a coastal town in Mexico . Before he 's given it much thought , he 's embroiled in a nationwide hunt for answers , dodging killers and discovering love he never thought possible . Along the way he also finds a daughter he never knew he had . My wife of thirty years died two years ago . Our three kids were grown and gone . I picked up the bag . Should I or shouldn 't I ? Shrugging , I attached the rubber hose to the tank and continued to toy with the bag . I attached the hose to the side of the bag . Now all I had to do was pull it over my head and zip it as closed as I could . Then … reach over and turn the valve . Four or five deep breaths and bye - bye , see you later , adios . I put the bag down and went over to my desk . Everything was good . I neatly stacked the papers in front of my monitor , signed places where I needed to sign and listed all my passwords . There was nothing on the hard drive anyone shouldn 't see . I didn 't want to answer but something told me it might be important . It was . " This is Hal . What 's up , Simon ? " " Hey ! Glad I caught you . " If he only knew . " Hal , I need an original signature on a form before I can finalize your rights to the game . Sorry man . " " Sure Hal . Take your time . It 's not like we don 't have plenty of it . See you when you get here . I 'll have Nancy show you in so you won 't have to wait . " " Hal ? Are you okay ? You look , I don 't know , depressed , I guess . I don 't normally say this to people but as I 've known you since the sixth grade , I think I can . You need to see somebody about losing Sally . It 's tearing you apart and has since she passed . Man , I can see it in your face . " " Listen . Do yourself a favor . Why don 't you wander down to Evangeline 's and have a cup of coffee . I want you to consider whatever it is you 're thinking about . Really think about it . Why don 't you go somewhere different for a while ? Head over to the coast . San Francisco ? Seattle ? Someplace green . I guarantee the change of scenery will do you good . " I nodded and left the building and decided Simon was right . I really wanted a cup of coffee … a last cup . Evangeline 's was on the corner . As I passed the newspaper box I glimpsed a bold headline : I shrugged . Didn 't need to read the rest . People were forever getting lost in the mountains here . But I hoped they would find whoever it was . Maybe I really did need a change . Every place I went here brought her back . I was overwhelmed with memories and I couldn 't seem to shake the despair . When I returned home , I took my suicide apparatus apart and stored the parts in different places in the garage . I realized that my biggest problem was that I retired after Sally died and mostly floated in my depression . As the day progressed I found I was feeling better . I took out a couple of suitcases and started tossing in mostly casual clothes . Before closing the suitcases , I took one last look around . Feeling a little light - headed , as if I 'd climbed too many steps at once , I opened her lingerie drawer . A whiff of her fading perfume floated gently up . Wiping a tear , I slammed it shut . I didn 't need this . Not now . But eventually , all roads lead to home . Sedona . Talk about a lovely town . With all the red rocks and rock formations around , it was a beautiful place . I desperately needed to move into something much smaller … mostly to escape memories . Over the next two weeks I looked at a number of places . Some so expensive as to make my eyes bug out at the price . Just about to give up and go to Phoenix , a place opened on the west end out against the hills . Major depression engulfed me like a thick , gray fog . For the first time in over a month I was ready to die . I bought a bottle of scotch . I sat in my living room looking out over the town with the unopened bottle in one hand , a gun in the other . The next day , I looked at my mountain bike hanging in the garage . I hadn 't ridden at all in a couple of years . I realized that hauling the bike around was going to be easier with a pickup than my Mercedes . As far as perfect Arizona days go , this had to be one of the best . Low 70 's , dry , brilliant blue sky . The trail I followed wasn 't too technical to start with as it meandered gently around boulders and cacti although it climbed continually upward . I was having the time of my life … no worries , no concerns , and I was alive . I was beginning a steep descent when I noticed tire tracks going off the trail down into a deep ravine . It was right in the curve and I hoped whoever biffed it was okay . I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye . A flash of blue ? Something . At the bottom of the descent , I stopped for water and looked back up the way I 'd come . It was a steep sucker and I 'd done well negotiating it . I thought I saw a flash of blue again up in some large rocks but then I decided I was wrong . I was still looking up there when I saw that blue flash again . I pulled the bike off the trail for the safety of anyone else coming down and started climbing up the ravine . I rounded a boulder and there , thirty feet further up was a girl , her leg caught between two large rocks . She wasn 't moving . Her lower right leg , just below her knee , was wedged between two rocks . The girl or woman , I couldn 't tell yet , was upside down , facing me . Her arms hung toward the ground , her helmet was crushed on one side . What I 'd seen was her blue jacket fluttering in the slight breeze . Quickly but carefully so I didn 't twist something myself , I climbed to her . I was afraid I was far too late to be any good . I felt her throat to see if she had a pulse . It was slow and steady . I was going to have to lift her upper body higher than the leg to extract her and it from the rocks . Thankfully , I was still in pretty good shape . I ducked below her so that her neck pressed against my chest . Gently and slowly I pushed up , raising her . She popped loose , causing me to fall backwards . I caught her in my arms as we fell to protect her from further injury as we crashed to the ground . I got her situated and took a quick look at the leg . It was definitely broken . " Uhh … " she said as she bit down the tip . She swallowed a couple of times . Letting go of the spout , she gasped , " Thanks . How bad am I , doc ? " " Looks like your right leg is broken . And I 'm not a doctor . " I had to smile . She was certainly pretty , in an ' injured female biker ' kind of way . " I haven 't looked for it . That 's secondary right now . There 's no service in this hole so I need to go up to the top . Will you be okay while I 'm gone ? " " Yeah , sure . Can … can I get more water ? " I gave her the backpack and hiked back to the top of the trail . The climb up made for shortness of breath but I did it and made the call . I enjoyed the rest of the ride back to where I parked . What a day , I thought , loading my bike in the truck . Great ride . I rescued a damsel in distress and felt better now than I had since before Sally died . I also realized I could think about her being gone without my heart flying up into my throat . Over the next several days I began trying to write , something I 'd wanted to do for years . I 'd had a couple of dystopian young adult / new adult ideas kicking around since I 'd read the ' Hunger Games ' books . But sitting inside wasn 't cutting it . I took my laptop and went down to the pool . I was deep into pounding the keys when a shadow crossed my table . Looking up I faced a good - looking woman , possibly in her mid - thirties . She had short , deep auburn hair , amazing gray eyes and a wide , beautiful smile . The woman was definitely curvaceous and about five - six or seven . She wore a dark blue bikini that was perfect on her . The only word that came to mind was ' hot . ' As in very . I shook my head . " Should I ? " She was on crutches . " I 'm sorry . Have a seat . " I pointed at the chair next to me . Sometimes , as Sally used to say , I could be thick as a brick . " Thanks . " She sat and stretched her right leg across the empty chair next to her . I saw the cast below her knee . An impish smile danced on her lips and her eyes sparkled . She set her bag on the table and leaned her crutches against another chair . " Look closely , " she said again . Trust me , I did . " Recognize me yet ? " Her voice was like liquid smoke . Throaty and sexy as could be . " Nice to meet you , again , Hal Williams . I 'm Sabrina Delgado . " We shook . I felt like a fool . I hadn 't been anywhere in ages where I could have met someone as beautiful as this woman and forgotten her . Just wasn 't possible . " Okay , Ms . Delgado , I really don 't remember you . Did I bump into your car at Safeway or something ? If I did I 'm sorry and I 'll pay for the damage . " She laughed again . " I saw you sitting here and at least I recognized you . I live over there , " she pointed about two doors down from my place . " I really can 't believe that the man who saved my life can 't remember doing it . I 'm the one with the , " she pointed at her right leg , " broken leg who no doubt would have died had you not come along . Now do you remember ? " Thick as a brick . Yep . That 's me . " That was you ? I 'm sorry I didn 't recognize you . I couldn 't see much of your face . The rest of you , well , I was busy trying to get you out of those rocks . " " Please , call me Sabrina . " She smiled brightly . " Other than my leg , I had some scrapes and bruises on my back and butt and a slight concussion . My leg has a simple break which is why I 'm now moving around . I hate hospitals which is a complete oxymoron . I 'm an orthopedic surgeon . " She laughed . " And you ? What do you do ? " " Yeah , widow . Three years ago my husband found out he had testicular cancer . He walked out in the desert and killed himself because he couldn 't live with it . " She paused . " Sorry . I realize that was too much information . On the other hand , he left me pretty well set and my practice is bustling . " We spent an hour getting to know one another before she had to go back to her place and rest . We decided to meet later . I 'd buy some food so she wouldn 't have to shop . " What did you bring ? " she asked later when I came in . She 'd changed into a translucently pale blue caftan . Made her look … ethereal , I guess , like some kind of an angel . As I sat the groceries down on her kitchen counter , she crossed between me and the setting sun , momentarily turning her caftan invisible . I honestly thought my heart would stop . She set dinnerware out on her deck table as I cooked steaks . While I was busy with the grill , she asked , " What would you like to drink ? I have wine , beer , Pepsi . " " That 's your game ? The one with the movies and novels ? The one that 's one of my all time favorites ? You wrote that ? " " But I 'm not telling all the story . It 's not been a bed of roses . A little over two years ago , I was attending an AA meeting . My wife and a friend of hers were t - boned by a woman running a stop sign at about seventy miles per hour . " I suddenly found myself choking up and took a deep drink to gather my wits . We finished eating quietly , the mood somber . Other than a comment about the game or biking , we didn 't say much more to each other . After dinner , I cleaned up while she sat on the deck . She yawned . " That 's probably best . I didn 't think this wine would wipe me out but it has . Thanks for the wonderful evening . " I bent and kissed her cheek and left . " Me too . Sorry about last night . I 'd taken a pain pill , no doubt a huge mistake . The wine finished me . Can I make it up to you tonight ? I 've had no alcohol and my leg 's tolerable today . " I almost yelled ' yes ! ' but reined myself in . " Well , if you 're up to it . How about I take you somewhere for dinner , if you haven 't eaten ? " She smiled widely . " Hi ! " Is it possible for a woman to become even more beautiful ? She managed it . Tonight she wore a soft , pale blue blouse and dark blue designer jeans . After dinner we drove up Oak Creek Canyon and enjoyed the crystal - clear desert air . The beautiful blue skies of the day faded to the black of night . At one point we stopped and looked the brilliant stars above . " Around ten . Say … I 've some excellent coffee here and I 'm made some fresh sopapillas . Care to join me for a light breakfast ? " Her sopapillas were delightful and filling . Our conversation hinted at things moving forward between us . She definitely looked good in her snug white short shorts and blue t - shirt . She cocked her hip and teased , " Why Hal Williams , I thought you were a gentleman . " Laughing at my perplexed look , she said , " You are ! And thank you for noticing . " " You were a good student . Ron , my ex , was all about him . " She blushed . " All he cared about was he 'd scored me , the college hottie . " " As a poor kid , I needed all the help I could get although I had a couple of partial scholarships . " She stopped and stared out into the distance . " I guess what I did with him makes me a whore . I had sex for money … his … and would do almost anything he suggested if it would keep me in school . I did things for him I am not proud of . " " No , I 've discussed this with my shrink , the one I needed after Ron 's suicide . I thought it was my fault he did it and , of course , it wasn 't . I 'm still dealing with it . " " I don 't care what you did before . You are here with me , right this second . And from right this second onward , that other Sabrina doesn 't exist . " Someone splashed into the cool , blue water of the pool below us . " Sabrina , please stop . I don 't care about any of that . Dry your eyes . To me you 're the incredible woman I pulled out of a ravine the other day . " My heart stopped dead in my chest . I know it did . I 've known this woman less than a week and she says that . Funny thing is that I was already feeling that way too . I offered her my hand . I never thought I 'd find another woman in a million years that could compare with Sally . I 'd done it in a week . Later , I was stirring my spaghetti sauce for dinner . She was wearing that pale blue caftan again , the one that made her look ghostly . My back was turned when she whispered , " Hal ? " Her voice sounded strange , breathless , I guess . I suddenly felt as if I had climbed a steep hill again . My chest constricted . I was short of breath . I … I couldn 't breathe … something was wrong . Terribly , terribly wrong . " … And finally , in local news tonight , the city of Sedona was stunned to hear that two of her citizens have been found dead . Noted software and game developer Hal Williams was found dead earlier today from an apparent suicide . And after a month of intense searching in and around the area , the body of noted orthopedic surgeon Dr . Sabrina Delgado was found this morning by hikers . They said it looked like she went off a trail while biking . Stay tuned for these developing stories . " Slowly I opened my eyes . I was lying on something hard and cold and no , it wasn 't my ex - husband . It was worse , if such a thing was possible . When I could focus , I saw white . I was surrounded by white . My confused mind tried to make sense of it . It couldn 't be my bed . I had blue striped sheets and it definitely wasn 't hard . It was cold , too . So , I wasn 't in my bed and I was not in a hospital bed , where was I ? I realized that I was the victim of a bad case of stupid . I had been up in the hayloft taking bales of hay off a trailer . I was in a hurry to get the hay in before this winter storm got worse and wearing the wrong shoes . Snow had blown into the open hayloft door and melted . The sill of the opening was wet and slick and I had slipped on the wet hay and fallen . How did I miss the trailer ? Didn 't know . I did know that I was a hundred yards from the house and I was in a whole world of trouble . The pain shot through me like a lightning bolt . I tried to push up with my right arm to see if I could figure out how bad off I was . It wasn 't a good idea . My right wrist was broken . As I tried not to pass out I realized that my hand was bent entirely the wrong way . Fighting for consciousness , I looked farther down my body . Right leg . Definitely broken mid - calf . I took a deep breath . I raised my left arm . It was good . Left leg ? Not so good . I 'd landed on a garden rake , one I should have put away last fall . My left calf was firmly impaled on several of the hard steel tines . I fell back , staring straight up into a blanket of white . Was this going to be my shroud ? Dead because of stupidity ? I remembered laughing with others on Facebook about people doing the stupid things people did . Karma had caught up with me . I wondered through my fog if other people were going to laugh at me for exactly the same thing . My name is Lucretia DiBartolo . ' Luke ' for short . My Dad had a terrible sense of humor and hung me with the name of a killer . Thanks Dad . But I couldn 't move . I could feel warmth where blood was puddling around my left leg and knew this wasn 't a good thing . Freeze or bleed to death . Great choice . I moaned out , " Gee , thanks Dad . " I knew it was useless to yell because there was no one on the ranch today but me . My daughter was in town with her fiancé , picking up her wedding gown . My son was overseas . The wedding was tomorrow . Shit . Mom in a cast . Wonderful . I wondered if I could get a cast to match my peach dress . My mind takes weird turns in dire situations . Who gave a crap if my dress matched my cast ? I needed to make that hundred yards first or it wouldn 't make any difference . Phone ! Of course . Gritting my teeth , I used my left hand to snake it out of my right back pocket . It was worthless . Now I 'm not a big girl at all but still , a fall from the hayloft onto an aluminum and glass phone wasn 't good and this phone was toast . Another mistake . I had been trying to make it a habit to put it in one of my breast pockets and close the button . What was the saying ? ' There is no try , only do ? ' Well I didn 't . I raised my head and tried to see through the whiteout . One hundred yards . Is that my epitaph ? One hundred yards but she wimped out ? I certainly hoped not . I had to take Dad 's advice , dead or not . I had to get to the house . I felt it getting colder and my jeans and barn jacket , warm as they were , weren 't going to cut it much longer . Slowly , I curled up , thanking God for all the crunchies I did , raised my left leg and smacked the rake handle . It fell out of my leg . I watched and waited a moment . I was bleeding but not gushing . A small miracle . I didn 't think I 'd bleed to death . " Right Dad . You ain 't out here . You died in a plane crash . In summer . So shut th ' fu … " I caught myself … " Just shut up . " To add to everything else , I was talking to a dead guy . Another elbow and knee combination . Repeat . I giggled . Like washing my graying hair ; wash , rinse , repeat . Elbow , knee , repeat . I told you I was losing it . A few more hard inches . Then a root . A ragged edge snagged my belt , stopping me dead . I screamed , or I thought I did , " Why is this tree here ? " Oh . I 'd planted it with my Dad when I was in the first grade . I felt myself beginning to lose it . My gloves were soaked . Was I going to lose fingers ? I worried about my right wrist and leg . How bad was it going to be ? I rested for a moment . After what seemed like days but was only minutes , I hoped , I looked back . The snow blocked my vision and I couldn 't see how far I 'd come . Damn . Somewhere out there ahead of me was the house , hidden in blowing snow . Well , I 've never been considered a sissy , so I pushed on . Pull with my elbow , push with my knee . I couldn 't feel my right arm now . You know ? No one ever tells you just how rough a yard can be . I thought mine was fairly smooth . Boy , was I wrong . There were sticks and rocks and more of those stupid roots . I was sure that I hit every single one of them . I made a promise to myself that if I survived this , I was going to haul in dirt and cover everything to putting green smoothness . I glanced back . I saw a short bloody trail that disappeared into the white . I think I 'd ripped my left hip open on something too . The snow thickened to the point that I couldn 't see beyond the end of my leg . Probably a good thing . There was a momentary pause in the blowing snow . I saw the driveway ! Almost there . Pull , push . Pull , push . I could see the steps leading to the kitchen . Thank God . Driving back from town , it was a good thing that I loved my girlfriend . The drive into town to pick up her wedding dress had been tough enough in the early part of the storm . Jeeze … we could have put the wedding off until next week after this storm passed . Besides her mom , it was just Linda , some mutual friends and me . Her brother was overseas and couldn 't get home . All my family was back east . They weren 't wild about me marrying some girl who lived on a ranch out in the middle of Nowhere , Idaho . At the moment , I was wondering why I was , too . I nodded . Two long hours on the road to drive five miles . Linda and her mom had the absolute best scotch and by god I was going to avail myself to some about three seconds after I got through the door . I might even take the time to pour a couple of fingers instead of slugging it down straight from the bottle . " Linda , " I looked at her , " I can see the driveway . Now , let me concentrate . Why you have this curve in it is a mystery . " She crossed her arms because she was getting huffy . Tension had been building between us . Both pre - marriage jitters and this seemingly never - ending , white - knuckle drive from town . He looked interesting so why not give it a try ? Henry Roberts looked to be in his mid - forties , tall with a good build . His profile photos showed him on a beach wearing baggy , multi - colored trunks and a nice tan . Additional pictures showed him standing in the snow with cross - country skis and wearing a bright red knit hat . His shoulder length , sandy blonde hair spilled out from under that hat . He had sexy curls , too . I kinda liked that . I hadn 't had a date in ages , although I 'd been told I was fairly attractive . I tried the on - line dating scene once , after my divorce a number of years ago . I found it a total waste of my time . Maybe on YourPlace I could meet someone in an entirely different setting ; get to know him and who knows ? I 'd heard of people meeting like this and actually getting married . I told him that I worked as a store manager for a chic boutique and loved biking and canoeing . Turned out he lived in the next town up the valley where he taught music at their local high school . He skied , hiked and kayaked . I wasn 't in a hurry to start dating , though , having been burned a couple of times before . When he suggested coffee , my children , well two of them , were excited for me . My twin daughters , fifteen , loved the idea of me dating again . My son , seventeen , was busy skateboarding and sort of dismissed mom dating as a waste of his time . We were going to meet at an Evangeline 's Bistro on the north end of my town . All day long I found myself more excited than I 'd been in a couple of years . As soon as I closed the store , I drove out to the coffee shop . I was a few minutes early so I went in and found a table by the window . The view was spectacular with spring in full force . The days were getting warmer and the nights were still a little chilly . It was one of my favorite times of year . I waited and did a little YourPlacing , chatting with my close friends around the country . After awhile I realized I was still alone . I checked my watch again and realized that my ' date ' was now thirty minutes late . This was not a good way to start a relationship . I messaged him and got no answer . I gave him another thirty minutes and if he was still a no - show , then screw him . Figuratively , of course . He didn 't and I left angry . When I got home , I kicked off my shoes , poured a glass of red wine , and then plopped on the couch . I hadn 't been stood - up since high school and it really pissed me off . Because of my red hair , or so I 'm told , I have a pretty good temper and at the moment it was running close to full tilt . I jumped up and got my laptop with the intention of unfriending this asshole . As I glanced at the mirror in the living room , a stranger looked back at me . That stopped me in my tracks . That woman had honey blonde hair and it was long ! What ? That certainly wasn 't possible . I 'm a blazing red head . Well , I was angry and tired and had been stood - up . Not a great combination to start with and maybe something from part of misspent youth was flashing back on me . Wouldn 't be the first time . I got my laptop , opened it , and went to my page . Strange , I thought , he wasn 't there . Not even in the Search YourPlace section . I worried . I was only thirty - seven and as far as I knew , too young for dementia or something . I returned to the couch and had a long swallow of my wine . As I thought about it , it occurred to me that maybe I was being played for some reason . Now I was really pissed . Why would anyone want to mess around with my mind like this ? I posted a couple of scathing comments about people who did that sort of thing , signed off , and had another glass of wine . I fed the kids , took a shower , and crashed . This was just too weird and maybe sleep would help . Next morning I found out that sleep had not helped . Something wasn 't right . I 'm busty , have a nice butt and excellent legs . Lord knows I work on them enough . To my immense surprise , my bras , all of them , were too small ! At least a full cup too small . I know my cycles and know that my breasts can go up half a cup once a month . It wasn 't that time yet . But my hair was red . Well , I was pushing forty so maybe hormonal changes were causing me to imagine things ? I held that thought until I pulled on my designer panties . They were too big ! What ? That definitely wasn 't right . The last time I wore them , exactly a week ago , they fit me perfectly . Now it was like they 'd jumped up about two sizes . So I pinned up the excess , growled at the kids , traffic , and life in general , and then went to work . I tried not to think about it . At lunch I received a message from Henry on my phone app asking if I wanted to try again . I am willing to give most people another chance so I replied with ' sure . ' Same place , same time . Same result . Knowing about kids trying to act grown up or men pretending to be women or women pretending to be men , I carefully scanned the cafe . The place was practically empty and nobody was paying the least bit of attention to me . Then I thought about trolls and stalkers . I checked the parking lot . Other than my car in front , the rest of the lot was empty . Everything was closed in the little mall but this Evangeline 's . I was being jacked around . When I got home , his account was there and a message apologizing for not meeting . Something had come up . Right . His wife , for instance ? She hugged me and didn 't make any comments about the fact I was two inches taller . I was six feet . My god . To think I 'd bitched since the eighth grade about being five - ten . But Holly didn 't say a thing . And my damn hair was now brunette . She didn 't say anything about that , either . Somebody was messing with me and I didn 't like it . Or maybe I was dreaming . Mushroom pizza before bed was always a bad idea . I took a shower and felt better but was still worried . I considered talking with Holly and Lorraine , her sister , about future care for me . Bob was with friends that night . I decided to pass on discussing this with the twins just now . I felt better after the shower so why scare them when it was obviously something else ? What , I hadn 't a clue . All kinds of terrible things went through my mind as I tried to sleep . Dressing for work the next morning , everything fit . My underwear was the right size , my blue denim skirt fit exactly right and I was back to five - ten . Maybe I 'd had some kind of weird reaction to something I 'd eaten after all . As my kids would say , I tended to keep things in the refrigerator until they developed intelligence . Dismissing it , I drove to the shop and went in ; the smell of all those flowers hit me hard . That night I sipped my rum and wondered about it . I hadn 't fallen at all most of my life . Well , once , and that was out of a tree when I was twelve . I 'd broken my arm but hadn 't hit my head . I 'd never been in a car accident and never had a bike crash . Besides , I always wore a helmet . Rum ? I looked at the glass and carefully set it down . I got up and realized my house wasn 't right . Where was that nifty little wine rack I 'd had for several years ? The one I 'd painted brick red ? My pot rack that hung over the island … that wasn 't there , either . Now I was becoming very frightened . I ran to the bathroom , just making the toilet … avocado ? Seriously ? And vomited hard until I was into dry heaves . Lorraine ran in and comforted me until I could stand and get into the shower . She helped me undress … all my underwear today was blue . Blue ? I distinctly remembered wearing pink to work . This stuff was see - through too . I don 't have anything that transparent because while I may look pretty hot , my underwear was always somewhat conservative . Hell , I was wearing a blue thong ! Turning , Lorraine stood there and looked at me , crying . There was intense sadness in her face as if facing some impending loss . I could suddenly see through her eyes . Wait ! Her body shimmered and faded . No ! The mirror above my dresser reflected … nothing . There was no reflection of me standing there , no reflection of me on the bed . Nothing . " Bite me Harold , " he said as he looked at the screen . " Mom and Dad won 't let me mess with programs like this at home . Besides , I liked her better tall with the big boobs . " " You perv , " Harold replied . " She looked good like she was . Well , I thought she was nice . You didn 't even make her ass look right . Let 's just delete all of it and start over . " " Her husband is missing . Two police officers arrive at her door . Her world collapses . Sara Sutherlin 's life changes in ways she can 't possibly imagine . If they existed , could they still be with us but hidden in plain sight ? It 's guaranteed that the idea of dragons , past or present , real or imaginary , never crossed Träd Jackson 's mind when he was stunned by the sight of Hannah Hrokrsen entering the park where he was painting the scene . The tall , leggy , beautiful young woman had come to eat her lunch and was oblivious of him . The existence of dragons also didn 't cross his mind as two men snatched the girl while she sat and ate . Who were these men and why did they just try and kidnap an innocent young woman ? All he thought of was saving her as he ran after her and her kidnappers . Men painting didn 't enter Hannah 's mind when she passed the big , handsome man on her lunch break . She had other things on her mind like … her father and how angry he was going to be when she 'd escaped his control . For the first time in her short nineteen years , she would be free . Who were these men ? And those dragons ? What did they have to do with anything ? Charging into the dense woods after the girl and the two men , Träd Jackson had no idea the world he was entering . Now ! The Witches of Aba Nam , Book 2 : The Lure The second book in the The Witches of Aba Nam series , Book 2 : The Lure , is now available on Amazon for Kindle . The paper version will be out later this week ! Look for it !
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Megan Smith had just gotten down from her stair climber and was checking out her butt in the big mahogany mirror behind her desk when someone came knocking at the door of her shop , Through the Looking Glass . The shop had been closed for about thirty minutes , and her new assistant never forgot to turn the sign around . " Who on earth could that be ? " She dabbed a tissue at the sweat on her forehead and headed out into the store , despite the fact that she was wearing her workout sweats , and she usually never let customers see her dressed like that . Outside of the door there was an old woman in a wheelchair . She raised a walking stick topped with an eagle 's claw gripping a round crystal ball and banged it against the door again . Her new assistant Felicia was counting the money in the drawer when Megan entered the front of the store . She looked up at Megan and started for the door , but Megan waved her away . " I 'll take care of it . " Megan went to the door and opened it a crack . " Madam , I am afraid we are closed for the evening , but you 're welcome to come back tomorrow . " The old woman 's sparkling , blue eyes blazed with fury , and she shook her head making her coarse , white hair wobble in the tightly twisted bun on top of her head . The old woman raised a leg which Megan would have thought was weak and delivered a surprisingly strong kick to the door knocking it back so that she could wheel the chair into the shop before Megan could even open her mouth to protest . A large man with dark hair streaked in silver entered behind her holding the door for her as best he could . " No , girl , I am afraid I don 't have the time to come back tomorrow . " When she spoke her voice was raspy with age , but it was nevertheless commanding . " I am looking for a certain mirror that you purchased at an estate auction about two weeks ago . " Megan felt a tight hot feeling in the pit of her stomach that she got sometimes when dealing with the truly difficult customers . She bit her cheek and reminded herself that this woman was probably someone 's grandmotheThe old woman sneered at her . " This one will be hard to forget . It was an oval Victorian piece made of solid silver and set with hundreds of gemstones . " Megan knew exactly the one she meant , and she knew that it wasn 't solid silver . It was only silver - plated . She considered telling her that , but the old woman had already been so rude . If it meant that she could get a higher price for the mirror , why not let her go on believing that . She had already re - plated the entire piece and replaced the stones that had fallen out . The only thing left to do was to have the mirrored surface redone , and it would be ready to sell . " I recall the piece . It isn 't ready yet . The mirror is in need of a slight repair to remove the dark spots on it and then you 're welcome to make an offer . " The woman clanged her walking stick to the ground and pushed herself out of the chair . The man who had come in with her tried to help her up , but she only shook him off angrily . " No , there is no need for that . I want to buy it now . " There was a hint of panic in her voice , although Megan couldn 't imagine why . Megan 's eyes narrowed a bit . What on earth could make this old woman want the mirror so badly . It was pretty . She couldn 't deny that . Megan had actually been thinking of keeping it for herself when the work was done on it . There was the perfect place in her apartment that she had been wanting another mirror , and this one was just ostentatious enough to fit in quite well in her decorating style . " Well , I am afraid I still have some more research to do on the piece . I haven 't located its origins yet , and I always like to have a complete history of an item before I can decide on price . " " I want it just as it is . I will pay you one million dollars for it . I have brought a cashier 's check . Steven , give the lady the check . It 's already made out to you for the correct amount including tax . " Megan 's breath caught in her throat , but she managed to get control before she gave herself away . The amount was staggering . She didn 't even know how to respond for a very long moment . Surely this woman knew something about the mirror that Megan didn 't . Perhaps it had belonged to someone famous , even then the price she was offering was insanely high . Everything she could buy with that much money danced into her head , but she forced herself to think clearly . Surely if this woman would pay this much then there were others who would pay more . " After I have done my research I am sure that would be a more than appropriate sum . " The old woman glared at her . " I don 't think you understand , Ms . Smith . I will not offer you this sum again . It is either tonight or not at all . I want it , and I will have it . " Megan thought about this for a long moment . It was a gamble . She could take one million now and risk losing a great deal of money . On the other hand if this mirror turned out to be relatively worthless , then she was passing up on the opportunity of a lifetime . The pull of the million dollars won out in the end . Her instincts were telling her this mirror wasn 't worth anything like a million , and her instincts were usually on the mark . The old woman grinned at her in a way that reminded Megan of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas looking down on the little Who girl . The woman 's eyes slid up and down her body as if assessing her very carefully . Megan was painfully aware of her poor choice in attire . This sweat suit was faded on top of being baggy and unattractive . She really should have changed clothes before greeting anyone . " That isn 't necessary . Just show Steven where it is , and he will bring it out for you . " The man came forward and handed her the check , which she took from him and clutched tightly in her fist . " It 's this way . " She led him to the workroom where the mirror was leaned up against a bench . Soon he was on his way out the front door with the mirror swaddled in the same ancient and worn quilt that she had first seen it wrapped in . When Megan entered the room again , Felicia was standing next to the old woman , and they broke off whatever they were speaking of . The old woman nodded to Megan . " It has been a pleasure doing business with you . " " My name is Althea Warren . " She sank back into her wheelchair and spun it around with the grace of someone who had been using one for quite some time , and then she slammed her walking stick into Felicia 's shins bringing a yelp from her . " Child , make yourself useful and open that door for me . " Felicia limped forward and pulled the door open , and the old woman wheeled herself out the door into the cool evening air . As soon as she was out of ear shot , Megan turned to Felicia . " That crazy old biddy . Are you all right ? " " Yes , Ms . Smith , will you be needing me anymore tonight ? Otherwise , I 'll be heading home . " Megan shook her head , and Felicia gathered up her things and was leaving . When she got to the door , she turned . " Congratulations on the sale . " When Felicia was out of the door , Megan locked it and then went back into the office . She put the cashier 's check in the safe and then closed it tight knowing it would be safe there until tomorrow when she could get to a bank to deposit it . As soon as she knew it was safe , she let loose a yip of joy and sat down in her office chair spinning it around . Her mind started reeling with the things that she could do with the money . Megan 's eyes came to rest on the enormous , gilded mirror behind her desk . She stripped off the top of the sweat suit and stood up turning around slowly in front of it . Her figure was nice and trim and her muscles well developed from hundreds of thousands of flights of stairs on the machine in the corner of the office . Her hair was blond with golden highlights , and her eyes were a shade of aqua that danced somewhere between blue and green . The fluorescent light from the ceiling made her look a little too pale , and it really did bring out the small wrinkles around her eyes . " Well , that is the first thing I 'll do then . I 'll have my eyes done . " Her gaze came to rest on her chest , and she frowned . Her chest had always been her worst feature . She was practically as flat as a board . " Second thought , boobs first , then eyes , and then my butt . " She turned around and pulled her sweat pants tight so that she could see the curves of her rear in the mirror . All the stair climbers in the world couldn 't ward off time . She was close to thirty , and it wasn 't nearly as tight as it had been a couple of years ago . As she gathered up her things to take home for the evening , she wondered idly why that old woman would want to pay a million dollars for a mirror just so that she could look at her drooping , wrinkled face . Megan promised herself that she would do research on the mirror just to make sure that she hadn 't been the one cheated . Still even worrying whether or not she had made the right decision couldn 't make her any less happy about the million dollars she was going to deposit in her checking account tomorro * * * Two weeks had passed since the lovely day when Althea Warren had walked into her shop and made her a millionaire . Megan wasn 't quite a millionaire anymore , of course . She had paid off her few debts and had paid for her surgery which was scheduled for tomorrow . Her stomach was upset with excitement and nervousness , but she was still trying to get some work done before she had to be gone from the office for a week . Megan closed her eyes and pressed her fingertips against her temples to ease the pain in her head . The day had been long and tiresome . The work room was scattered with partially - refurbished furniture and mirrors in various states of repair . There were so many things that had fallen behind in the time between when she had been forced to let her previous assistant go and hiring Felicia that they were still trying to catch up . Of course , there had been no other choice . The woman had been stealing from her . It had been pity alone that had kept Megan from turning the woman in to the police . Now she wondered if that hadn 't been a terrible mistake . After all she would probably go on to do the same thing again elsewhere . Megan jumped as the door opened with a loud creaking sound . " Sorry , to startle you , Ms . Smith . I was just going to let you know that I closed up the store for the evening , and I wanted to find out if you were ready for me to turn on the alarm ? " Her assistants name was Felicia Zhika . Megan still wasn 't sure exactly how to pronounce that , but Felicia was very understanding about it . She said that it was a gypsy name , and no one in her entire life had ever pronounced it right , outside of her family . Felicia was a short and rather voluptuous , young woman with hair that must have been dyed its bright auburn color because at the roots there were hints of dark brown . She wore a long flowing skirt of crushed , black velvet and a loose poet 's blouse over the top of it . At first glance , Megan hadn 't been sure whether or not she should hire her . She was terribly sexy , and that was always a plus in an assistant . However , her clothing style was a bit unconventional as was her jewelry . She always wore rings and necklaces with dragons , fairies , and other mystical creatures . Despite her strange appearance she was turning out to be a more than an able assistant . Felicia leaned against the door frame and her large breasts bounced under the cotton of her blouse drawing Megan 's attention low . Catching herself Megan snapped her eyes back up to Felicia 's and smiled at her , hoping that her indiscretion had gone unnoticed . Felicia smiled back . " So tomorrow 's the big day . Are you excited ? " " More like scared to death . I mean , I know it 's cosmetic , but it 's still going under the knife . " " I 'll drop by tomorrow night to see how you 're doing . " " Don 't be silly . I 'll bring you some magazines too . Just in case you get bored . See you then . " She gave a little wave and turned to go . Megan noticed how her soft , little butt swayed under the loose skirt when she walked out of the room , and she tried to remind herself that she didn 't need to get involved with anyone who worked for her . Megan downed the rest of her Slimfast and decided to give up for the evening . So what if they fell a little more behind while she was gone . She had money now . She could hire someone temporarily to get caught up . There was a big stack of obituaries which Megan had picked over carefully and a list of things that Megan wanted for the shop so that in case they offered estate sales for those who had died , then she could send Felicia to see if they had anything she needed . Felicia kept entering Megan 's mind unbidden more and more lately . Sure she had hired her for her looks , but that usually didn 't mean she would be such a distraction . Megan was obviously in serious need of a relationship . It had been a good long year since she had broken up with her last boyfriend . He had been overly demanding of her time , and she had been forced to break it off . What she really needed now was a good partner for the occasional role in the hay . Her career took up far too much of her time to have a serious relationship , and lord knows she wasn 't looking for marriage . Maybe someday she would be ready to take that route , but the idea of being tied down didn 't appeal to her now . She certainly didn 't want to think about having any whiney , little babies . Her friends in college had almost all gotten married and had babies right after they graduated and after that they 'd lost touch , because they were always busy taking kids to ballet or soccer or other places that kids go . A few weeks later , Megan stood in front of the mirror in her office again . She laughed happily despite the pain in her newly expanded bosom . After the surgery she had gone out and bought all new clothes . Her favorite top was a low cut bustier thing that went under her blazer jackets . It pushed everything up and out , not that it really needed to be pushed anywhere to be noticed anymore , but why not flaunt it when you paid that much money for it . She stole another glance in the mirror before sinking slowly into the chair to read the newspaper in front of her . She turned immediately to the obituaries as she always did , looking for the face of one of the town 's aging elite . The obituaries were the best places to look for antiques because you could almost always count on an auction , especially in the cases of very rich families . They tended to be spoiled children all arguing over who gets what until the lawyers come to the conclusion that the best thing to do is simply sell everything and split up the profits . There was a very large picture in the middle of the page of the very same old woman who had bought the mirror which had led to her current state of happiness . Althea Warren was described as a woman of old money . Her father had been a very prominent businessman in the area at the turn of the century . His fortune and business had even survived the Great Depression . Althea Warren had once had a younger sister , but she died nearly fifty years ago while giving birth to a daughter who had also died in child birth . Althea herself had never married and never had any children , which seemed like a good plan considering the track record of her family . She had left everything to a great niece who they had as - of - yet not located . There was a knock at the door just as she was finishing up the article . Felicia walked in looking as fetching as ever . " I was going to pick up some lunch from the deli . Would you like some too ? " Megan stood and thought she saw Felicia 's eyes drop to her chest and move quickly back to her eyes and that brought a pleasant flush to her cheeks . " How about we go out for lunch ? We 'll close the shop for an hour . No one ever comes at this time of day anyway . They chose a nice little pub on the corner that had a kind of old world charm to it , and there they sat drinking martinis though they shouldn 't have been since they had to go back to the store afterwards . Felicia was tipsy , even though she hadn 't had anymore than Megan . " You said that your last name was gypsy . Do you come from a long line of gypsies ? " Megan wondered if she was being too forward with the question and laughed . " Don 't answer if I am being too nosey . I just find genealogy fascinating . I am adopted myself , so I don 't really have any family tree to speak of . " Felicia had a silly grin on her face that made Megan decide it would be best if she worked the cash register that afternoon after they returned to the shop . " Oh , yes . My family has been gypsies for as many generations as we can recall in our traditions . My grandparents came to the United States when the Nazis were rounding up gypsies by the thousands and throwing them into concentration camps . " " Gypsies ? I thought that the Nazis only did that to Jews . " Felicia shook her head . " No , they weren 't so particular . They also killed homosexuals and anyone else that they thought unworthy of their master race . My grandparents were lucky though . They got out just in time , and there was lots of work for my grandfather here . He was a silversmith . His favorite thing to make was jewelry , but he made other stuff as well . An American woman funded their trip for a price . " Her eyes dropped down to her glass , and she looked sad suddenly . " Gypsies always keep their word . " Megan didn 't know what she was talking about , but she didn 't have time to ask her about it . Outside on the busy street there was the sound of screeching tires and a woman screaming . Felicia stood up gasping with her hands out , reaching for the window . Megan turned just in time to see a car screeching toward a child and his mother in a crosswalk . It was impossible . There was no way that the car could stop . Its tires were still screeching loudly , but then suddenly it stopped moving just short of the mother and child . They rushed out of the crosswalk , and Felicia sank back into her chair visibly shaking . Megan took a long , deep drink of her Martini . " Thank God for miracles like that . " Felicia just nodded and pushed her plate away . * * * A few days later , Megan was sipping her morning diet coke and reading the classifieds looking for anything interesting that she might purchase for the store , when there was a knock at her office door . " Come in , " she called . Felicia entered with a man following close behind her . " Megan , this is Mr . Carlos Sanchez . He wants to talk to you about some sort of inheritance . " The man was black haired and dark skinned , and his dark brown eyes were focused much lower than her face . It made her smile when he realized what he was doing and snapped his eyes up to her face instead . " Yes , Ms . Smith , I 'm here to talk to you about your great - aunt . It seems that she has left you a great deal of money . " Megan immediately felt anger rise within her . " I am afraid you must be mistaken . You should get your facts straight before you come speaking to people . I am adopted and even all of my adopted family has passed on so you must be mistaken . " Perhaps it was silly , but she had always been overly sensitive about being adopted . He shook his head and lay a file in front of her . " No , I am not mistaken . You are Megan Smith . Your adopted parents were Alex and Darlene Smith . Here is the copy of your birth certificate and your adoption papers . You are the only heir to the fortune of Althea Warren . " Megan stood next to her car staring up in wonder at the rambling house in front of her . It was a beautiful old Victorian home just outside of town . There was even a stable and carriage house on the property . Megan had seen pictures of it , but they were nothing compared to the house itself . Felicia stood beside her looking up at the towers on either side of the enormous porch . " Not too shabby , " she said with a smile . Megan nodded and reminded herself to shut her mouth so that she didn 't gape like an idiot . She was still in a daze . First finding out that she was now a multi - millionaire even after taxes , and then seeing this wonderful house the likes of which she had never imagined for herself . Not to mention the strange provision that had been in the will . The old lady had added a clause which said that she must have a costume ball the night of Halloween , which was only days away . It was even so detailed as to say exactly the clothes that she was to wear , the food that was to be served , and the guests who were to be invited . When she pushed open the huge , French doors and walked inside , her breath caught in her throat . Just inside the entrance was an enormous hall . The floors were made of different colors of wood pieced together to form exquisite patterns and polished to an almost glasslike finish . There was a fireplace that was nestled in one corner near one of the many doors leading from the room . All around it there were different overstuffed pieces of furniture . It looked like a lovely place to pass an evening with a good book . Hanging in the middle of the ceiling , above a grand staircase , was a crystal chandelier . In all her years of antique hunting she had never seen another quite like it . It was probably six feet from one side to the other and the crystals shimmered in the light from the bulbs arranged artfully within the frame . Her eyes moved hesitantly from the chandelier down to the landing at the top of the stairs . There on the wall at the focal point of the room she saw the very mirror that she had sold to Miss . Althea Warren . It was polished and shining just like the rest of the room despite the dark shadows which were still marring the otherwise lovely surface . That very evening she started moving her things into the house . It was a good thing that the cavernous mansion was already furnished , otherwise she would never have been able to fill it up . When the men she had hired to help her move had left , she and Felicia sat in the corner of the hall . The servant , Steven , who had also worked for Althea Warren , had started the fire for them . There had been another provision in the old woman 's will that had said that Megan was to keep him on as long as he lived . The blaze crackled cheerfully in the marble hearth , and she sipped the wine in one of her many new , crystal glasses . Megan and Felicia had made all the final plans for the costume ball on Halloween , and that was the last she had to worry about with her inheritance . Everything else was being taken care of by the lawyers , even with the party there was very little to worry about , because Felicia was taking care of most of that . Megan sighed happily and took another sip of her wine . Letting the warmth and haziness from the wine wash over her . As she was looking around the room taking in all the details of her new home , she noticed something strange at the top of the stairs . Megan was sure that she had seen a flash of light reflected in the mirror hanging up on the landing . When she looked more closely , she saw the form of a young woman 's face . Megan rubbed her eyes , and when she looked back up it was gone . The sound of Felicia 's voice startled her . " What 's wrong , Megan ? " Megan laughed and shook her head , then she set down the crystal glass that she had in her hand . " I think I just might have had a little too much to drink . " Felicia smiled and nodded , but then her eyes moved up to the mirror at the top of the stairs . It was just a fleeting glance , but it caught Megan 's attention . " Well , I must be off , unless there is something else you need for me to do ? " " It 's late , and there is certainly more than enough room here . I hate to have you driving back to the city all alone in the middle of the night . Why don 't you stay with me tonight ? " Felicia excepted the invitation , and Megan poured her another glass of wine . " Why don 't you sleep in the room right next to mine . Then if you have any wonderful ideas for the ball in the middle of the night , you can come and tell me . " She smiled at her warmly , and Felicia blushed , but she smiled back . That evening when they were climbing the stairs to retire to their bedrooms Megan stopped at the top of the landing to look in the mirror . Surely what she had seen was only a figment of her drunken mind 's imagination . Nevertheless , she kept her eyes on the mirror the entire time she was on the stairs . It was as if someone was watching her from inside the dark shadow on the surface of the mirror . In the middle of the night Megan awoke from a restless sleep full of unpleasant dreams to the sound of voices out on the landing . She slipped out of bed and crept to the door to peek out onto the stairs . There was Felicia standing in front of the silver mirror in a long silken night gown that she had borrowed from Megan . It was too small , and it clung to her curves enticingly . Megan didn 't have long to pay attention to this though . It seemed that Felicia was talking to someone . I don 't know if I can do this . I know that my family made a deal with you , but I 've grown to really care about Megan . Besides you have had more than your share of life already . " A voice came from the mirror that sent chills down Megan 's spine . " You will do as you are told , or you will pay horribly . Stephen has been given orders to hire people to take care of the members of your family one by one if you don 't do what was promised . " Megan gasped and Felicia turned to see her there . She raised a hand and Megan screamed as she felt herself falling back . It seemed like she never stopped falling and then all was darkness . When she opened her eyes again she was still screaming and Felicia was there , shaking her . " Wake up , Megan . You 're having a nightmare . " She was back in her bed again amid all of the satin pillows and velvet blankets that she 'd inherited . It was unfamiliar , but she felt safe anyway just knowing that it had only been a nightmare . " I know , but it is over now . " Felicia slowly leaned closer to Megan and kissed her gently on the lips . " It 's going to be all right . " The evening of the Halloween party everything was falling seamlessly into place , and Megan had all but forgotten the image in the mirror . There was a small band set up in one corner of the hall and a buffet table stretched across one end of the room . Megan checked her reflection one last time in the mirror at the top of the stairs . The gown , which she had been instructed to wear in the will , was an old Victorian thing that was in absolute mint condition . The lace was so crisp that you would have thought it was brand new if not for the tag that had been sewn into the lining with the date and name of the seamstress who had made it in 1889 . It had a great bustle and a corset that went underneath it , which made it almost unbearable to move or even breath in but the tiny waist that it created along with the contrast of the bustle was quite impressive . Felicia walked up behind Megan and slipped her arms around her waist whispering into her ear . " You 're looking lovely this evening . " Megan turned in her arms , and pulled Felicia into a warm embrace kissing her deeply and squeezing her round , little bottom which swayed gently beneath her loose skirt . She was dressed in a multicolored skirt with a bright red sash tied around her small waist and an off the shoulder blouse with red fringed pulled just low enough that it wasn 't indecent . " And you , my little gypsy , look scrumptious . " The guests had been arriving for some time , so when they descended the stairs Megan was greeted by many smiling faces . Many of the guests she had invited herself and knew quite well . Others she did not know at all . They were the guests which the will had instructed her to invite . These people introduced themselves and everyone seemed to be having a perfectly lovely time . If these had been Althea Warren 's friends then they had been very much younger than she was . There were so many people of high stature that she was beginning to feel overwhelmed . A senator and three local judges had introduced themselves to her already , not to mention the mayor . Everyone was dressed up , except for the servers . The costumes were varied and beautiful . Megan saw everything from a vampire to a southern belle dancing across the beautiful multicolored wooden dance floor . This had been a room made for dancing , and Megan vowed to herself that she would have a ball every Halloween after this for the rest of her life . Perhaps that 's why Althea Warren had insisted on having this ball after she died . Felicia disappeared around ten o ' clock , and no matter who Megan asked no one knew where the girl had gone . By that time everyone was comfortable enough and had consumed enough of the cocktails that most everyone was dancing and those who weren 't were chatting happily in small groups . Megan had always been happiest in large groups of people so she mingled and got to know a few of the people from her great aunt 's guest list . It seemed that none of them had known her , but Althea had known most of their parents or grandparents . She had been a popular socialite in her time , although the general consensus was that no one had ever really liked her personality . The band suddenly stopped playing and everyone turned to the landing at the top of the stairs . The man who Megan had been speaking with got a confused look on his face and turned his eyes to the landing as well . At the top of the stairs there was a woman dressed in a gown identical to her own . The woman smiled when she saw that everyone was looking at her , then motioned to the band that they should continue . The band struck up again immediately and the dancing continued as before . It seemed strange to Megan that the woman could possibly have ended up with a dress exactly like hers , but she was certainly one of the guests that her great aunt had chosen . This was probably some great practical joke that the old woman had managed to execute from the grave , although it seemed very strange . Althea Warren had not seemed like the type to play practical jokes , but on the other hand Megan had only met her once . Megan wandered around for a while before she decided to take a walk out on the porch , but when she got to the door she realized it was stuck and would not budge no matter what she did . She reminded herself to have Steven look at it as soon as possible . The people in the crowd were so wrapped up in what they were doing that Megan 's many attempts at small talk went unnoticed for quite some time . She was just beginning to feel lonely when Felicia walked out onto the landing at the top of the stairs . That eased her mind . Felicia certainly wouldn 't ignore her the way all the guests seemed to . Megan started toward her and Felicia looked up and smiled , but when she came close to her Felicia walked right past her instead of stopping to speak with her . Instead she walked over to the woman who was wearing the gown identical to her own . The woman had been standing at the top of the stairs in front of the silver mirror looking out over the ballroom . Felicia leaned close to the woman 's ear and talked very quietly . Megan had to move close by so that she could hear it . She tried to be inconspicuous keeping her body on the other side of a large , potted Ficus tree at one end of the landing . The other woman smiled rather wickedly and shook her head . " I doubt it . The young woman didn 't strike me as one of the sharpest knives in the set . She 's probably just beginning to understand what 's going on . " Felicia nodded and then the look of amusement on her face faded , and she frowned . " When am I going to be paid for my services ? I did what you asked despite great risk to myself . I could get thrown in prison for doctoring those records to get her old assistant fired . If you hadn 't lost that mirror in the first place it would never have been at an estate auction for her to buy in the first place , and none of that would have been necessary . " The other woman 's face darkened with anger . " That mirror was stolen from me as you know very well . " The darkness lifted and she laughed sending a chill down Megan 's spine . " Besides with all the dark magic you 've worked , you are worried about a little prison sentence . If I were you , I would be more worried about my immortal soul . " Megan could feel her pulse speeding up until it felt like her heart would burst out of her chest at any minute . There was a gut wrenching feeling of dread building inside her and a fury that she could never have imagined possible . How could Felicia have betrayed her like this ? Megan had trusted her , adored her . The woman spoke again then , " You will be well paid for your work and for that of your family 's work before you . They did me a great service when they created that mirror for me . I thought all would be lost when I found that I could have no children in that last body , but fortunately my stupid , little sister did manage to accomplish something in her life when she gave birth to this one . Although , this new bosom is somewhat of an annoyance . I suppose beggars can 't be choosers . " Felicia grinned . " Felicia was quite pleased with her new appearance . Although she was always very pleased with her appearance . I have never seen a woman so fascinated by her own reflection . " Megan couldn 't take it anymore , she stepped out from behind the plant and starred at the two of them angrily . Just then the clock began to chime midnight and Megan 's eyes grew wide as the face of the woman before her began to change . The features molded themselves very slowly . It was like looking at a face in the reflection of a pond when ripples disturbed the water . When the change had ceased it was like staring into a mirror . Megan couldn 't speak or even breath her terror was so complete . She raised a hand to strike the woman , and it connected only with the smooth , unbreakable glass . The woman on the other side of the glass fixed her hair in the mirror and laughed with a deep satisfaction before turning to go back downstairs to the party which she had so carefully planned . Megan didn 't know what to do . She couldn 't move or feel or breathe or anything all she could do was stare out of the glass as this woman walked around pretending to be her . The night went on and the party ended . Althea who was now Megan 's reflection climbed the stairs and looked into the mirror grinning viciously . Megan pounded on the glass with her hands , but it did nothing but make the woman laugh . In the mirror behind Althea , Felicia suddenly appeared and stood smiling at her . She raised her hand and spoke something in a strange language . Megan felt her legs give underneath her , but when she collapsed , it was on the floor on the other side of the mirror . In the reflection she saw the old face of Althea Warren as she had been the day she came into the shop . " You little gypsy bitch , we had a deal . " Megan stared up at her with eyes wide in horror and wonder , but Felicia reached down and squeezed her hand . " The deal was that we would move your soul into another body after you died . I did this for you , and I switched it back . The deal didn 't say you got to keep it forever . " " You lying , treacherous , gypsy whore , you 'll pay for this . " Felicia laughed and raised something that she had been holding in her hand all along . It was a fireplace poker from the set near the hearth . She smashed it against the mirror sending glass flying . Megan saw the woman open her mouth in a scream , but the sound never made it beyond the shadow in the glass .
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Disclaimer : CC and Company own it all . Special Thanks : To Sybil and the one and only Livia Balaban for beta services . I 'm extraordinarily flattered that they would be willing to read my work in its primitive stages and thank them for helping me polish it into something presentable . The child wakes into her dream . As she often does . Her soft brown eyes are wide - open and filled with curiosity . The bright light doesn 't scare her anymore . She sits back against the cushions of the couch , not questioning how she moved from her soft bed to the sofa in the den . Somehow , she just did . The first time , she cried . Her eyes hurt . She was scared of what was to follow . But no one listened . That 's how she came to know it was a dream . Only in a dream could you cry and cry and no one comes . Because no one can hear or see someone else 's dreams . They are your own personal movies . That 's what her Mommy had told her . And besides , once she stopped crying , she realized the pictures weren 't scary at all . Through the light , she saw pictures of her other mommy . Her other daddy . Long gone . Long dead . Mulder looked out the window one more time . Scully wasn 't late yet but he was still anxious to see her . He enjoyed these early morning , once - a - week ' dates ' . The coffee house they chose was close enough to the Hoover building to ensure a slow , leisurely breakfast that wouldn 't be followed by a mad dash to the office in order to get there on time ; but far enough away not to run into the usual FBI regulars . " ' Morning . I have to warn you , Mulder , I 'm going to need to finish three quarters of this cup before I 'll be ready to talk . I 'm really tired . " " No way , Mulder . You 're not getting out of it this easily . I like this once a week thing . It gives us a chance to talk without work or sex getting in the way . " " Yes - - in the way of conversation . Well , with me , anyway . Nothing much stops you when you 've got a theory to espouse . Anyway , don 't throw the baby out with the bathwater . Just because I 'm tired today doesn 't mean I 'm calling everything off . The only thing I need is for you to do the talking until I wake up fully . Pretend we 're in bed , " she added with a twinkle . " Mulder ? First of all , you 're making me talk too much and I 've barely touched my coffee . And secondly , sex is managing to rear its . . . well , let 's talk about something neutral , please . " " Nothing . Just . . . kids , " he said in a mock - exasperated , world - weary tone . She looked behind her to see the back of a woman 's head . Beyond her , on the opposite side of the table , was a cute little girl . She looked to be about five or six years of age with dark curly hair and big brown eyes . She was leaning far over to her right , staring unabashedly at Mulder . " I guess . She 's been staring at me since they sat down about ten minutes ago , " he leaned closer . " It 's kind of disconcerting . " Mulder leaned further towards her . It was time to narrow their focus back to just the two of them . " Ah , Scully , you know these gratuitous zombie mentions turn me on . " " Daddy . Not now . But back then . When I wasn 't Arabella . When I was Mary . You were my daddy . Once . Before we all died . " " Arabella ! What a thing to say , " the woman admonished from her spot near the cashier . She was still fiddling with her purse but kept an eye on the child as she finished paying . The little girl once again focused her attention on Mulder . " I just wanted to say hello and to tell you to stop worrying . See , you watched me die but now I 'm alive again . And so are you . That 's pretty cool , huh ? " " Bella ! " The well - dressed older woman had gathered their possessions , laid her hand across the child 's shoulders and steered her towards the door . " Sorry . She has a very active imagination , " she said to Mulder , by way of explanation . She hurried the child out before Mulder or Scully could do little more than give a nervous smile of reassurance in return . " I 'm dropping the subject . It 's dropped . " Beneath the nonchalant tone of her voice , he knew she was serious . It was not worth arguing about . Still , he was never one to let an opportunity to push the envelope pass him by . " She kind of looked like me , no ? " he said with a smile . Mulder drove through the streets of Washington , DC , lost in his own thoughts . When children under the age of four spoke of previous lives , those trained in the field sat up and took notice . Children Arabella 's age were in the ' iffy ' category . They were certainly old enough for outside influences to have affected their thought processes . However , this child was so offhand about the subject that Mulder wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt . She hadn 't seemed to want to shock him . She just wanted to inform him of something she considered a fact . Getting Scully involved at this time was pointless . He simply wanted to have a little more contact with the child and possibly suggest further study if the parents seemed receptive . If not , that was also fine . Scully would think it was all nonsense and that he should stay out of it altogether . He recalled a time when she was vehemently opposed to just this type of exploration . Adding to this essential prejudice was the fact that they were now dealing with a child . The whole issue of children was something they rarely brought up . It was a sticky subject best left untouched . So , he planned on a couple of early morning breakfasts in the coffee shop without Scully . What harm could come of it ? By the time he arrived , Arabella 's mother was trying to balance a backpack on top of a briefcase on the empty chair by their table . The child sat quietly and watched as the well - groomed blonde fussed over their possessions . She looked up as Mulder passed her . " Yes , I know . Don 't know what to call it , do you ? " She said . " Bella ? You want a cinnamon bagel with cream cheese or butter ? " " I was trying to think if I saw her before but I don 't think so . She was not the lady who was my momma . You know , the time you were my daddy ? That lady had brown hair and brown eyes . Like me . " " No . Not anymore , " she looked around conspiratorially and nodded at the woman waiting for their order , " Mother won 't let me . Mommy always did but not anymore . " " My mommy - - the one who is not here now - - she likes TV . My daddy liked it , too . But since they hate each other and are going to get ' vorced - - mommy listens to mother now . " " No , I have one mommy and one mother . Mommy is confused . Mother knows everything about everything . She said so . So , Mommy has to listen . And so do I . But really , I don 't think I should because I 'm not confused . " " Yes , we ran and ran and finally lost him . Mommy and Mother were happy but I 'm not . I love him . He 's nice . Like you but better because I know him more . " Bella rolled her eyes . " I have to go to the bathroom . Can 't eat before I wash my hands . Mommy don 't like it . " Mulder looked over at the woman who sat a few feet away from him . This time , it was her chair facing in his direction . She looked more confident with the child in the other room . Now was a good time to broach the subject . " Yes , I know . That all this could be based on reality . We 've explored some of the options but have decided that Bella needs to lead her life . Not concentrate on some bizarre memories that may not be more than some neural aberration that most people don 't experience . The child doesn 't need to be a lab rat . She needs to be five and a half years old . " " I 'm sorry if I was a bit abrupt earlier , " the woman said as he was putting on his coat . " You 've been very kind . Some people just don 't understand and pass judgement on what she says . Anyway , I just wanted to say I hope we 'll be running into each other again . My name is Constance . Constance Jeffers . And you 're . . . " It was fairly easy to find out her name . The girl on the early morning shift at Starbucks was more than happy to keep her ears open . She knew a g - woman when she saw one and was all too willing to act as a junior spy in the making . No amount of denial on Scully 's part could convince her that they weren 't on a case . She had the child 's last name ready for her by the time she walked into work this morning . She couldn 't be angry . Well , she could but it wouldn 't be fair . Children had the tendency to complicate matters . She remembered when she discovered Emily . She wasn 't thinking about her career , or ties with Mulder or anything else but claiming the little girl as her own . If Mulder were presented with a child who had any kind of connection to him - - no matter how remote - - she could understand his need to find out more about her . However , the connection was remote . And suspect . Mulder didn 't always think rationally in matters such as these . It was her job to find and present the facts . She thought of another time when Mulder didn 't think with his head . A time when he so needed to be part of something . Something big and grand that spanned generations and lifetimes . Mulder would have moved heaven and earth to get Melissa away from Vernon Ephesian . And he would have tested the soulmate theory . She was certain of it . He would be busy testing while Scully was moving her own heaven and earth to prove they were all full of shit . For another , she didn 't want him to be hurt , believing with his heart , instead of his head . So , information had to be gathered . Facts had to be presented . Arabella was sitting on the couch , bouncing up and down as she spoke to Elizabeth , her biological mother . The woman looked younger than Constance . Her dark hair was pulled up in a ponytail ; her shirt tucked haphazardly into her jeans . " He 's nice , Mommy . He lets me talk and I like him . Not as much as my daddy of now , but since he 's not here anymore on account of we lost him . . . " She 's a child . Old enough to understand that she has older people she must defer to . As we have Someone we must defer to . Had you found the strength of obedience earlier , you would be living your reward now and Arabella would never have been born into the heartache of this world . " " Can 't ? I can 't ? I have a uterus just like any other woman . I was just able to control myself better . And , if I had succumbed to the evils of the flesh , I can assure you I still would have had the wherewithal to train my child as a proper Christian . " " You don 't need to know anything more . You 're acting like Arabella . You already gave up one chance at eternal life , for you and your child . He 's damned for this world . Don 't do the same thing to Arabella . Prove your faith . " Arabella had her arms crossed in front of her and her lower sip stuck out in a pout that was truly Mulderworthy . She suddenly looked at the coffee shop window and met his gaze . A smile crossed her face and she ran through the door and into the restaurant . Inside , she climbed aboard his lap before he could greet her , and squeezed his neck with her little arms . " She made my mommy cry . I don 't like her any more . And I 'm not calling her ' mother . ' No matter what she says , " she said in a whisper . " She says God won 't love me no more . But daddy and mommy - - they told me God is good and he loves me no matter what . So , I like that better . " Mulder spent the next half - hour watching them but had very little additional contact . Arabella ate her meal in relative silence , intent on buffing up her chocolate milk mustache . Constance was equally intent on making it disappear . More pouting ensued . " Yes , I know there 's no dark booth but I thought I 'd just wing it . It 's good for the soul , so they say , " he didn 't look completely convinced . " Anyway , I just wanted to tell you I 've been going to Starbucks every single morning since we saw that little girl . " " No , Mulder . None of the above . We can discuss all of this later but right now , you have to listen to me and keep an open mind because I 'm pretty sure . . . " " Okay . I got the child 's name from the girl who works the morning shift in the coffee shop . She asked the child directly while the mother was bringing things to the table . Her name is Arabella Jeffers . " " It 's convenient that everyone is allowed such access to the child . I think that 's one of the first things that aroused my suspicions . She 's not yet six years old and I was allowed to be alone with her several times . Today , she was even sitting on my lap with her arms around my neck . This woman doesn 't know me . I 'm just some strange guy who has no business being anywhere near - - never mind being alone with her while her mother is on the opposite side of the coffee shop . Not a smart move in this day and age . " " Arabella was recently registered into a kindergarten class here in D . C . There are no previous school records for her anywhere . Strange , but not completely unheard of . While most children attend some sort of pre - school , it 's not mandatory . However , what is really odd is the papers used in her enrollment . She has both a mother , and a guardian : Constance Jeffers . Unrelated . Arabella 's last name is the same as the guardian 's . The Gunmen say that the papers looked authentic enough but were not filed anywhere . Apparently , they were so convincing , no one went through the red tape necessary to find out they were fakes . Anyway , a search using her mother 's information turned up her birth certificate . She was born Belle Wiley in Los Angeles , California to Elizabeth Wiley : mother . Father : Unknown . " " It gets stranger , still . A search of Elizabeth herself came up with the following information : eleven years ago , she gave birth to a baby boy . Scott . Father unknown in this case as well . The legal guardianship of this child was given to Elizabeth 's parents almost six years ago , right before she was due to give birth to Belle . She moved to California , gave birth and married a David Curtis when Belle was one . He legally adopted her . That fact was conveniently missing in all the school records . They have Elizabeth as a single mother , never married . They were - - and are - - married . Six months ago , David filed missing persons reports for Elizabeth and Belle . He doesn 't have a great deal of money but he 's spent quite a bit trying to track them down . Everything being under Constance Jeffers ' name has complicated matters . Since he 's an adoptive father , he just doesn 't have the rights Elizabeth does . The police have pretty much considered this case simple abandonment due to probable domestic discord . " " Before giving her son up to her parents , Elizabeth had one address listed for six months . The Ephesian compound in Apison , Tennessee . " The hand Mulder was using to help him lean against the desk slipped a bit and Mulder had to take a brief second to steady himself . Scully finished presenting her evidence . " And Constance ? Well , a little digging around has shown that she may very well be one of the masterminds behind the Temple of the Seven Stars . " " I thought you would be . I was myself . I have ordered transcripts from Melissa Ephesian 's therapy sessions and a few other files that will hopefully shed some more light on the situation . But the Gunmen were pretty certain of their facts . Constance was a psychiatrist . Specializing in hypnotherapy . It is suspected that she was on the outside of this movement - - recruiting from her patient base . When suspicions started being voiced , she suddenly packed up her practice and wasn 't heard of until her recent reemergence in Elizabeth 's life . " " You need to join Vernon 's other wives . You need to complete the cycle . He only took six wives with him . You know you were meant to be the seventh . You need to join him . Now . " " Your ' baby ' will be just fine . No harm will come to her . I am not Vernon . Now , come . Write the note and this evening , your mission will be complete . We will all be together soon enough . " " For me , or for you ? " She stared at him . " I know you are trying to be flippant and I 'm not happy about it . I wasn 't happy at the time , either . It 's interesting to hear you acknowledge that the Ephesian case might have been painful for me . At the time , you were so consumed with what you thought was happening you paid very little attention to anything - - or anyone - - but yourself . I hope you won 't let history repeat itself . " " Okay , " he said , still not quite understanding what her problem with the case was . " I can see where you might think my actions were selfish . You were never fond of the regression sessions - - for Melissa or myself . " " No , I wasn 't . And I believe I told you so at the time . But I really wasn 't fond of you falling hook , line and sinker over this romantic notion of a disturbed woman being your soulmate while I was risking life and limb and sanity every day to stand by your side . I did it willingly , and would do it again but I can 't say it made me feel wonderful to know that , had she lived , you would more than likely have run off to be with your ' soulmate ' because she tickled your paranormal fancy . Even if the situation itself made no sense . " Mulder stared at her but chose not to say anything . She had never talked of her personal feelings over this case before and some of what she was saying surprised him . He had always assumed the case struck a raw nerve with her due to the extreme breach of protocol involved . It hadn 't really occurred to him that the whole soulmate issue was the problem . He wanted to hear more . " Ah . Here it is , " she said , after a few moments of silence . Her voice was as calm as it always was when she focused on a case . Mulder took a small breath and concentrated on her words , leaving their relationship issues behind , for the moment . " Melissa told us the following , during her therapy session : ' There was a . . . woman who came to the temple . She and her son had been living on the street . ' The therapist asked what her name was . Melissa replied that it was Elizabeth . Her son was named Scott . She then continued . ' Vernon took a liking to the boy . He said he was a prophet returning . He took the boy away from his mother . ' Remember that story ? " " She snuck in and brought the child candy , " Mulder responded . " Vernon was disgusted with them both and beat them in front of each other . Then he rejected the child as prophet , humiliated him further by calling him garbage and threw them out . " " Right , " Scully said . " Melissa never told us about the timing but ' Sidney ' did call the tip into the FBI saying that Vernon was abusing children . That might have been the incident that pushed her over the edge . " " I 've explored it many times , Scully . There were times when I thought about settling down , having children . But it is all part of settling down . It would be irresponsible to have children in the line of work we are in now . And if we ever do settle down into something more . . . sedentary . . . safe . . . we can discuss adoption or whatever you want . Both of us . Both exploring our needs . It 's not one person over the other . " The phone rang . " Mulder . " " Mr . Mulder . I can 't talk for long . I am Arabella 's mother . Her real mother . I live at 1298 Sycamore . Apartment 9B . Please . There isn 't much time . She 's going to make me drink the poison and then take Belle and kill her . And you will be next . Please . Find my daughter and take her back to her father . Please . " The EMT were loading Elizabeth onto the ambulance as Mulder and Scully were pulling up . Scully was out of the car before Mulder completely came to a stop . She flashed her badge and asked what the local PD had found . He nodded toward the emergency workers . " They think she might have a good chance . Her breathing was pretty strong and they 've been working on her since they found her . " Mulder and Scully went to the upscale apartment . The smell of vomit hit them as soon as they came through the door . They bypassed the local police and went through the rooms . There were two bedrooms - - one functional , the other a more cluttered adult bedroom clearly shared by a child . Belle 's dolls and books were everywhere . He frowned . " You 're right . I don 't think we 'll find much here . And I have absolutely no clue where she 'd take Belle . We have to talk to the Elizabeth . " Mulder and Scully approached room 717 . An extremely tired looking man in his mid - thirties was pacing the hallway . When he spotted them , he went to them immediately . " No . I 'm sorry . We 've been through the apartment and have questioned people locally . Questioned a lot of the tenants of the building - - doormen , security guards . No one saw anything , " Mulder said . They sat on mismatched plastic chairs near her bed . " We 're going to need to have a brief history of your involvement with the Temple of the Seven Stars , Mrs . Curtis . Anything you can tell us might give us some idea of where to begin looking for your little girl , " Mulder said . After a moment 's thought , Elizabeth began to speak . " When I had my son . . . I was very young . Very young . My parents were not happy with the situation , mostly because I didn 't tell them who the father was . He was married and didn 't want anything to do with either of us and I swore we 'd never ask for anything from him . Not one penny . Well , my parents were more than willing to have us all live under the same roof , but they were still my parents . They wanted me to do things their way . I was headstrong and we argued a lot over decisions I was beginning to make . We stayed with them for four years . I finished high school and had some odd jobs here and there . Scott was doing well with his grandparents . But they still wanted me to sue Scott 's father for child support , to ease the financial burden off of all of us and let me use more of my own money for goals I should be working toward . We had one last blow - up and , being arrogant and stupid , I ran away . With my child . And within a few months , we were moving from shelter to shelter . But I couldn 't swallow my pride and go back to my folks . Vernon found me panhandling one day , me and my son . He looked at my little boy , who was about five at the time , and said he looked like one of his children . I was messed up . Completely confused . And here was a man who cared about me and my boy . And had the keys to eternal life right in his hand . And he could surely talk the good talk . There didn 't seem to be much to think about . I went with him . " " No . Not until the night he threw us out . At first , he was real nice . He told me that I would be his seventh bride . I would complete his worldly obligations and we could all move on to heaven . But , my boy needed to learn a few more things about the way of the Lord and he felt I was too easy on him . He took him away and , for a while , I was content , knowing he was grooming the two of us for the afterlife . But then , I heard stories . Of how harsh he was to the children . How unforgiving . I was his mom . I went to my child . And it was really my fault that he was beaten . It was my fault that I was beaten . I instigated it all through my stupidity . He threw us out and then . . . within days , everything was over . Everyone in the compound had killed themselves and Scott and I were on the outside . And I was pregnant . " " Constance had suspected I was pregnant . There was no real medical care on the compound . She was going to get me a home pregnancy test on her next trip out but by the time she came back , I was gone and the troubles were starting . She went into hiding . " " She was our counsellor . We saw her when we first came in and during the whole time we were there . She made us keep our goals in sight . " " I knew I had to start over . I contacted my parents . I couldn 't saddle them with two kids . So , I thought I would go and have my baby and give her up for adoption . I did give them Scott . I signed over guardianship and moved to California . My sister was there . She enrolled me in some secretarial courses while I was pregnant . I gave birth and later worked in an office . That 's where I met my husband . I never did give up Belle . I just loved her so much . And I didn 't go back to pick up Scott because . . . I don 't know . My parents just did so much of a better job of raising him than I ever did . I almost got the poor child killed . But with Belle - - we had a fresh start . My parents liked David so much , they agreed with the arrangement completely . I see Scott a few times a year and keep in touch with him . " " I met up with her by accident . She saw me with Belle and said something like , ' well - - I guess you didn 't need the home pregnancy test after all . ' We started talking . We 'd meet every once in a while . She said that she really thought our mission had ended too soon . That there were those of us left behind that should be experiencing the joys of the kingdom . She had her ways . . . the more I listened , the more it all made sense . We 'd meet and have tea every once in a while , and then I started having relaxation sessions with her , because she was thinking of starting up a practice again and needed to brush up on her skills . " " Yes . David was a very down to earth man . He knew about my past and a little about my connection with the Temple of the Seven Stars but put it down to some youthful need to belong . He would never , ever have gone along with what we were planning . And , as Constance said , if you weren 't for us , you were against us . waiting to come in . We needed to convince them that they should leave their lives behind and follow our way . That they should be our disciples . And for this to happen - - we needed three sacrifices . " The third is you , Mr . Mulder . You were going to be sacrificed so people could see how strong and powerful we really are . Then we could gather everyone together and make the ultimate sacrifice - - our mortal lives in exchange for eternal life . " Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders . " It all made so much sense at the time . " " When the look in Belle 's eyes began to resemble the look in Scott 's . " She looked blankly into the distance , seemingly lost in her own thoughts . Then she turned her attention exclusively in one direction . " You have to stop them , Mr . Mulder . You have to get back my Belle . " " Get back her Belle , " Scully said with a huff , as the car moved along the highway . " Oh , come on , Scully . I thought you 'd be a little more sympathetic . " " I was . Until she told me she let her child be hypnotized into believing she had lived and died before . She sat back and watched as that child was taken from her bed - - every single night . Put on a couch - - in a dark room - - with a bright light shining in her face , while pictures of you and Melissa Ephesian were projected on a screen . " " Well , fortunately , I think David Curtis is more than capable of parenting the child while Elizabeth straightens out her life . Now , I just need to get his little girl back so I can prove my theory . " " We will . " He turned and looked at her face . Her eyes were looking straight out into the darkness of the early morning , her chin set and determined . He smiled softly . Skeptical or not , she was the only one he wanted to help him tickle his paranormal fancy . " Fine , " he said after a moment . " Straight to the airport , then ? No stops ? " They were in a rental car on an all too familiar road . Mulder was driving and Scully was in the backseat , crouched on the floor , beneath Mulder 's trench coat . They were heading toward the back of the former Ephesian compound . " Don 't talk anymore , Mulder . I don 't want them even seeing your lips move . The field office should have agents in place by now . Close , but not too close . Try and park near an area with bushes . . . somewhere near the perimeter so I can get out of the car and watch you under cover of foliage , " she was silent for a moment . " Mulder , be careful . We 're not through with this lifetime yet . " After walking through the field a few moments , he felt the familiar melancholy the location inspired , the tragedy of lives lost . But he did not feel the spanning of generations and the pull he once thought he had . His soul had a home . It did not seek another . After a few moments , he looked past a stretch of dramatically overgrown grass and found them . He saw Constance first , surrounded by twelve people . Men and women standing in a circle . The group bowed their heads , while their lips moved in a chant . Constance looked up and saw Mulder . Her lips curled in a smile . It was not a pleasant sight . " No . Of course not , " Constance seemed genuinely insulted over his assumption . " She 's alive . She 's just . . . sedated . As you well know , she is not known for her silence and Elizabeth never taught her proper respect toward her elders . But she will stay alive as long as you cooperate . However . . . " Constance trailed off as the man closest to Belle pulled out a hypodermic and grabbed Belle 's arm , the needle pressing against the baby soft skin . " Now , you will be a good little agent of the FBI and come here . " " Now , now , Mr . Mulder , " she said , pulling out a gun of her own and aiming at the child . " I can assure you , death by this type of lethal injection would be a lot less painful than the type brought about by a gun . However , it 's your choice . And that choice can be avoided altogether if you will just cooperate . " " Mr . Mulder ? Where is she going to go ? She 's a child and she 's unconscious . Of course , if you 've fulfilled your part of the bargain , she will be absolutely unharmed . You don 't understand . She is worth far more alive than dead . She is the child - - the only living child - - of our former leader . Given proper training , she has the potential to bring in many converts . Save many souls . " " Elizabeth told me there would be a mass suicide . " Mulder said . " Just as there was before . She mentioned a third sacrifice . If I 'm going to be that sacrifice . . . I have a right to know why . " " That seems reasonable . I knew it was pointless to tell Elizabeth everything . She couldn 't even understand the information she was given . There are three sacrifices necessary to complete the first phase of the reconstruction of our Temple . The first is Belle . She will not die , but her life is going to be completely tied to the church . From here on out , her every waking moment will be occupied in gathering disciples - - in her own , immature way , of course . But she is charismatic . How could she not be with Vernon as her father ? And she will learn . She 's smart and quick . Belle 's mother was the second . At one time , she was being groomed to be Vernon 's seventh bride . We 've just helped her fulfill her destiny . " " And you . . . you are a representative of useless earthly authority . Our people were not ready for the ultimate sacrifice , but your meddling forced their hands . Vernon hadn 't yet taken his seventh bride when you interfered . There were others involved but your death will be noticed . And those who have left in fear , will now return in confidence , assured that divine justice will be served . " " We shall see what course of action would better serve our Lord , " Constance replied but Mulder noticed the smile slipping from her face , and a look of pure annoyance taking its place . She shook it off and picked up a pitcher from the altar . She approached Mulder . " The flames of justice will burn eternally , " she said , as she poured the liquid from the pitcher all over Mulder . He could smell some sort of oily substance . Not gasoline - - kerosene , perhaps . He swallowed hard , thinking of how many seconds it would take before the flames would consume him completely . He knew there was very little chance that he would die instantaneously and the thought of living long enough to know he was burning to death made his breaths come from his lungs in quick , painful bursts . Constance bent down and gathered twigs and leaves and placed them by Mulder 's feet . She looked up and spoke only to him , " It makes the fire look more impressive , " she said with a smile . Mulder felt the color drain from his face . His breaths were even more uneven than they were before . Each of the twelve solemnly picked up a candle . As the man with the hypodermic reached for his , a shot rang out . He doubled over in pain and the needle fell to the ground . A sudden chorus of ' Freeze , FBI ! ' came from several directions and there was frantic movement around him . But just as Mulder focused on his own personal fireball running toward him , his eyes widened in horror as Constance freed her arm from the agent holding her , grabbed a lit candle and threw it at the pile of leaves by his feet . A small flame started and Mulder closed his eyes , hoping that whatever happened would be quick . He felt air whoosh around him as Scully threw her raincoat over the burning twigs . After a few seconds , he opened an eye to find no fire - - just Scully stomping her boots on the raincoat , making sure no spark was left to catch the fuel that Mulder was doused in . Luckily , Constance had gathered the leaves and twigs after she had poured the kerosene . They were untouched by the accelerant . Scully stopped her little dance and began to untie Mulder . She was intent on the rope , while he was busy watching the FBI agents arrest each member of the group . After Constance had been read her rights , she looked over at him . " You have done well . Thank you . My unjust incarceration will bring many sheep unto the fold , I can assure you , " she said , calm and unflappable . As soon as Scully freed him , they walked over to the paramedics attending to Belle . " She 'll be okay . We 'll take her to the hospital to run some tests but I 'm pretty sure they just have her heavily sedated . " Mulder watched the child . She didn 't look drugged . She looked as if she were sleeping the sleep of an innocent , her breathing audible through her slightly congested nose . Mulder opened the door of Scully 's apartment with his own key . He walked directly to her couch and sat down on the armrest without taking his coat off . It had been a harrowing day . He had decided to stay in Tennessee a few more hours to wrap things up , while Scully took an earlier flight to check on Elizabeth 's progress and start the dreaded paperwork on the whole ordeal . He stood up and slowly removed his coat . He laid it on the armrest he had been sitting on . He sat on the couch , with Scully next to him . " Constance and Vernon had been the masterminds of the Temple . They both were very much in it together . Because he had a naturally charismatic personality , he became the ' leader . ' She , however , was a brilliant hypnotherapist . She recruited some members of the religion this way , but more than that - - once they were involved - - she brainwashed them into giving up more and more of their personalities and melding them with the group 's concerns . A big stumbling block came with the actual interpretation of the religion they both founded . He very much believed in his own interpretation of the Book of Revelations . She had religious beliefs , but she also was on quite a power trip and had no qualms about bending the beliefs to suit her own purposes . Vernon went about his business and was convinced that his earthly job was almost complete ; while Constance felt there were a whole lot of people out there with her name on them . She wanted more conversions and a lot more time on this mortal coil . " Vernon was now a liability . In spite of the praises she was singing to her new disciples out there in the field , she wanted him gone . And she wanted the original followers gone . They were completely taken by Vernon and would never switch allegiances . But she could use the mass suicides and the ' legend ' of the church to her advantage . To start her own religion . Enter Melissa Ephesian . In one of her first sessions with her , Constance realized she had a multiple personality disorder . She used it to her advantage . She made some suggestions during their ' relaxation sessions . ' Talked about true believers standing up for justice for the abused children . She knew which buttons to push . And , it worked . Through ' Sidney , ' and the FBI 's involvement , the mass suicide took care of Ephesian and his followers . She 's been lying low - - keeping her eye on Elizabeth and plotting - - - all these years . She had enough time to gather her twelve disciples and was ready for a big time comeback . She still is . Only she will now have to do it behind bars . And she 's absolutely convinced she will . Apparently , those twelve people are not the only ones she 's gathered . We can only hope they will not carry on her work without her . " " She 's fine . She 's already started therapy . Not a moment too soon . Tell me about your last assignment of the day , " she said , smiling but sympathetic at the same time . Belle was seated cross - legged next to David Curtis - - the man who had been her true " Daddy " almost all her life . She was busy pulling the packaging away from two new dolls , and talking non - stop about her adventure . " And then . . . mommy took a nap , and then - - that mean old mother took me outside and said we needed to get some help . I didn 't want to leave Mommy because she looked kind of funny but that Mother - lady said I had to . So , then she gave me some chocolate milk and I got real tired . I closed my eyes for just a minute and didn 't see her again until I woke up in a car and she was gone . And I wasn 't where I was before . And that other man - - the one you met - - the one who is not my daddy at all - - not even a hundred years ago or anything - - he was taking care of me . And then , we went to the hospital where that red haired lady sat with me while they gave me tests - - and she brought me chocolate chip cookies and juice and told me my mommy is okay and then , she had to go on account of she had to go back and take a peek in at mommy , who also went to get some tests . And then me and the not - Daddy man got to fly in a plane . " " And then we finally got to see each other again , huh , Belle ? " David managed to interrupt Belle 's tale . " I missed you so much , honey . " David smiled . He remembered the exchange and felt a stab of pain for the agent who obviously had been smitten with his little girl . He could still see Mulder as he placed his hand on Belle 's shoulder and gave her a gentle push in his own direction . And she was right . His eyes had a telltale sheen to them . " I think , Belle , it just hurts whenever someone has to say goodbye to a sweet girl like you . "
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I should probably speed up the narrative of our honeymoon trip . Today is Part 4 and we 're only nearing the half way point . Yes , compression is in order . But I don 't want to skip any of the interesting points . Bear with me . Luckily the next day 's drive was a short one , so starting late was not a problem . We started very late , like around noon . We were only on the road for around three hours when we got to Carlsbad , New Mexico . We both wanted to visit Carlsbad Caverns . Cindy had been there before , but I had not . It was one of the places on my wish list . Since we arrived in Carlsbad in mid - afternoon , we opted to get a motel room and spend the night before going to the caverns . Cindy was happy to find a Motel 6 . It wasn 't nearly as nice as the one in El Paso , but Cindy was pleased . Cindy told me that it was always cool on the caverns , and that I would need a jacket . I hadn 't packed a jacket . We decide to go shopping while we were out finding a restaurant for dinner . As luck would have it , we found a small shopping mall wherein a J . C . Penny store was the anchor . So we went into the store and bought me a lightweight jacket . Then it was off to dinner . We returned to the motel after dark . The light at our door was lit and had attracted around a hundred moths . People think that bats are the most numerous in Carlsbad . Nope , it is the moths . I tried to shoo the moths away from the door while we entered , but a dozen or more made it into the room with us . They were our companions for the night . The next day we went to the caverns and signed on for a guided tour . As we started the tour Cindy found that a few things had changed since she was last there . For instance , smoking was not allowed . Cindy 's attitude toward the tour changed completely . We had been at the back of the pack , but she started double - timing and soon passed the guide . I started regretting wearing the jacket since I was trying to keep up with her . Soon I was bathed in sweat . So much for a cool cavern . Some of the trail through the caverns was pretty steep . Cindy bent into her walking , and at times looked like Groucho Marx in an early film with his brothers . Occasionally she would come to a panting halt and I would be able to take a picture like the one above . I am proud of the pictures I took in the cavern , because I had no flash and was only using the light supplied by the park . We arrived at the bottom area where there was a food stand . I think smoking must have been allowed there , because we stayed long enough to eat a hot dog and drink a soft drink . Rather than walk out of the cavern , Cindy chose to ride the elevator to the top . I remember taking this picture in Texas while Cindy was driving . It looked ominous up ahead , but we couldn 't drive out of the storm 's path . We were lucky in that it turned out to be only a brief downpour . We left Dallas the next day and moseyed on down to El Paso , encountering no problems . I remember that at one point I looked over at Cindy and saw a sombre face . It was then that I realized that neither of us had smiled in the past three days . I mentioned it to Cindy and she agreed . That seemed to loosen the mood , and soon we were actually enjoying the trip . When we got to El Paso we found and checked into a Motel 6 , Cindy 's favorite motel chain . This was actually a pretty nice Motel 6 , clean rooms and an outdoor pool . Cindy inveigled me into going to the pool with her . We spent a long time soaking in the water and setting in deck chairs . After a while we went back to our room to change for dinner . We went searching for a restaurant that we found in the Yellow Pages , but gave up after driving around for a half hour or more . We settled on stopping at a German restaurant that was just down the street from our motel . I wish I could remember the name of the place , because it was the best German food that I had been able to find since I got out of the Army . It was great ! The next morning I awoke with one of the most uncomfortable sunburns that I have ever had . I knew that there was no way that I would be able to sit in a car all day , so we extended our stay in El Paso for another day . I could however stand a short drive across the border into Ciudad Juarez . So off we went . Once we crossed the bridge I was desperately driving , looking for a shopping district where we could pick up some souvenirs for the kids and friends back home . As we were sitting at a stop light , a little man riding a bicycle pulled up beside us and asked Cindy if we were looking for a place to buy souvenirs . She waffled a bit , but said yes . He then told us to follow him , and he would lead us to a good shop . I followed his bicycle as he weaved through the traffic leading us further from the main streets . Finally he pulled into a dirt parking area and stopped beside a nondescript building . It looked like a very small house . He escorted us into what appeared to be a side entrance . Inside were tables with typical souvenir knickknacks , T - shirts , etc . I chose a T - shirt for me , Cindy found a leather purse , and we picked up a few things for the folks in Indiana . We paid and left the building . In the parking area the man with the bike came up to us with his hand out . He told us that we were expected to give him 20 % of what we had spent . That seemed too much . Cindy told him that people don 't expect that much in the U . S . He started to get angry . I thought of telling him that he was probably getting a decent kickback from the shop owner , but decide that he might not understand that much English , and that there was no need in angering him . At that point Cindy glanced around and saw two men staring at us . She started to get nervous . She was certain that the men were getting ready to attack us . I looked at them and didn 't feel that they would . I think they were just curious . But Cindy wanted to give the man some money to get rid of him . So I gave him some bills from my wallet ( not as much as he wanted ) , and told him that it was all that we had . He scowled . We got in the car and I drove away . Luckily I remembered how to get back to the main thoroughfare . When we got to line of cars lined up for border customs I made the mistake of pulling up too close to the car ahead of us . The border guard got upset and ordered me to back up , so I did . I felt foolish . When our turn came , he asked if we had bought anything in Mexico . We told him what we had bought . When Cindy said that she had bought a purse , he said that often drug runners would put drugs into purses and then rob the innocent people who brought them across the border ; sometime killing the people . As we pulled away , Cindy took the purse and opened it . She tore out all of the paper that was stuffed in the purse to give it shape . She was frantic . It didn 't occur to either of us that if the border guard was concerned he would have asked to see the purse . He hadn 't . But we weren 't thinking coherently . As we headed back to the motel Cindy saw a Denny 's Restaurant . Back then Denny 's was Cindy 's comfort restaurant . She begged me to pull in , so I did . The food wasn 't as good as at the German restaurant . But we ate and then drove back to the motel . Tomorrow we were leaving El Paso . I don 't know if we were in Missouri , Arkansas or Oklahoma when I took this picture . I do know that I took it because of the clouds and the person in the lower left corner . I wanted him in the picture for scale . I was using my Minolta 35mm camera back then . I should have written all of my memories from our honeymoon a long time ago , because I 'm sure that I have forgotten a lot of things that happened . As late as ten years ago I could probably have traced our route on road maps , but now I just know general directions and some of the high points of the trip . I can only offer truncated versions of the journey . So when I stopped writing the other day , we had stopped and spent the night somewhere in western Illinois , about a half hour drive to St . Louis , Missouri . We safely negotiated St . Louis and started angling south and west . The weather was fine and we were making good time . Then we had a tire blowout . Well , why not ? Things had been going too smoothly . I changed the tire , but realized that my spare was old and smooth , so we found a tire repair shop to get the blowout repaired . I was afraid that the entire honeymoon was going to be plagued by unforseen expenses and delays . The tire was repaired , we ate lunch in a nearby restaurant , and got back on the road in a reasonable amount of time . We continued heading south and west . Now my memory fuzzes over , so bear with me . I know that we travelled through a portion of the Ozark mountains , probably in Arkansas . And I know we went through Oklahoma Hill country , but I 'm not sure if we did that all in one day . The next stop that I remember is when we stopped for the night in Dallas , Texas . We got in late and found a motel somewhat off the beaten track . By off the beaten track I mean that we had to go searching for a restaurant where we could eat dinner . There was nothing near by . We did find a family style restaurant where they served breakfast all day . It was very busy . We ordered and ate . While we were waiting for our bill , the restaurant manager came into the room and announced that the place had been robbed by a person who came in and demanded all of the money in the cash register . We all had to wait until the police arrived . Somewhere between a half hour and an hour later the police still hadn 't shown up . The manager returned and announced that he had gone through all of the paid bills and had determined how much money had been taken , so we could leave . I doubt if the police ever did show up . This picture was taken at our wedding reception twenty - five years ago . Cindy 's step - father , Clyde , her mother Florence , and grandmother , Gladys are no longer with us . There can be sorrow when looking at pictures from happier times . As you may recall from yesterday 's post , when our reception ended and we were ready to leave on our two - week road trip through the southwest , we realized that neither of us had enough money to get us out of state . We couldn 't go home because our relatives from out of town were spending the night there . So we decided to get a hotel room for the night . There was a problem with that plan . Because it was race day for the Indianapolis 500 , and Lafayette is only about an hour from Indianapolis , all of the hotels and motels were packed . Except one hotel . They had one room available due to a cancellation . Of course it was the most expensive hotel in town , but hey , it was our wedding day . I was willing to splurge . So we checked in , went to our room , and tried to relax . Well , I tried . Cindy went into the bathroom , locked the door , and started crying . They were not tears of joy . She was having second , perhaps third , thoughts about the wisdom of marrying me . She stayed in the bathroom and cried until around 2 a . m . on Monday morning . It was a hell of a wedding night . Marital bliss ? Phaw ! At some point Cindy decided that yes , our wedding was the right thing to do . As far as I could tell , the weeping was over . We did not get up the next morning and rush to the bank to secure funds for our getaway . We couldn 't because it was a national holiday , Memorial Day , and the banks were closed . So we went home . Our families were still there , so we ruefully explained that we had spent the night in a local hotel , and wouldn 't be leaving town until after the banks opened on Tuesday . Cindy took her father aside and told him about the second thoughts that she had Sunday night . His response was that it wasn 't too late to have the marriage annulled . Have I mentioned that he wasn 't my biggest fan ? Cindy told him that she wanted the marriage to last . Since we weren 't leaving , we decided to open our wedding gifts , making notes on who gave us what so that we could send proper thank you notes when we returned to Lafayette . Of course some people gave us money that we added to our honeymoon fund . I enjoyed that part of the day . As the day went on , various family groups left to go to their own homes . Cindy did not lock herself into the bathroom to cry that entire time . Things were looking up . and fade out … … fade in on Tuesday morning . Come on . You didn 't expect spicy bits , did you ? There are no spicy bits in this blog . We arose and had coffee . I remember thinking that I wished Cindy was in as big a hurry to get on the road as I was . That has been a recurring theme for the past twenty - five years . We did finally leave the house and drive to the bank . We withdrew enough money to get us through the next two weeks . But we couldn 't leave town yet . We had to stop at the caterer 's restaurant to drop off the cherries and her champagne flutes . While we were there we ate breakfast and chit chatted with the caterer . I saw that as another delay , but I think Cindy saw it as a way of life . I don 't know who took the picture at our wedding . If it was you , please let me know . You need to read around a thousand words before you get to an explanation of what is happening in the picture . Today is Cindy and my twenty - fifth wedding anniversary . Looking back I can only shake my head and wonder where the time has gone . Parts of that day seem as clear as yesterday , while other parts seem hidden behind a dense fog . For instance , it was only when drafting this post that I realized that almost all of my memories of the actual ceremony come from the videos , not from being there . But we do have the videos and still pictures that I can draw upon , as well as picking Cindy 's brain for her recollections . In 1990 , the twenty - seventh fell on a Sunday . It was race day for the Indianapolis 500 auto race . That also means that it was in the middle of the Memorial Day weekend . I don 't know why we chose that date . I do remember thinking that those facts would suppress the turnout for our wedding . That was one of my first errors in judgment . It was a beautiful day . That 's not just my memory ; pictures bear it out . I woke up early in our new home . We had bought the house a few months before , but I had stayed in my apartment in order to set a good example for Cindy 's teenaged children . Check with them so that they can explain how well that exercise went . Cindy had spent the night with friends to prepare for the big day . We had taken care of all of the arrangements for our wedding . We didn 't have a wedding planner . I 'm not sure such an occupation existed back then . Cindy was quite practical ( except for the three or four wedding dresses that she bought ) and I was cheap . We were both State employees , so there was not a lot of money to spend extravagantly . Also , we had to set funds aside for a two - week honeymoon road trip through the southwest . We arranged for the wedding ceremony to be in the Presbyterian Church in Dayton , Indiana , which is only a few miles from Lafayette . The ceremony was conducted by Dr . Paul Kitley . We chose the music ; Sandy , one of Cindy 's friends , agreed to sing ; Cody , the son of another friend , agreed to start the taped instrumentals at the appropriate times ; other friends used their video cameras to tape the event , and others took still photos ; another of Cindy 's friends , Candy , agreed to cater the reception ; I printed the order of service on the blank service forms that we purchased ; and I also made three or four tape cassettes of music that we wanted to play at the reception . We got the Moose Lodge for the reception very cheaply because I was a member ( a long story that doesn 't belong here ) . Everything seemed well in hand . I remember getting up the day of the ceremony , putting on the coffee , and thinking that this was the big one . Family members who were coming from a distance started arriving at the house . More coffee would need to be brewed . My parents , as well as Cindy 's would be staying in our house that night while we left on our honeymoon . My aunt and some cousins came to the house ; more coffee was brewed . I drove over to the Moose Lodge where Cindy , my sister ( She Who Must Not Be Named ) , and Betty ( Cindy 's first mother - in - law ( another long story that I don 't want to get into in this post ) ) were setting things up for the reception . The caterer had been in a rush to drop everything off and to get on to their next catering event . It was a larger affair that was paying her more . In her rush she erred by not leaving the potato salad ( we went inexpensive by offering cold roast beef and ham , potato salad , etc . ) and instead left cherries that were to top the dessert at the other event . Great . The caterer also promised to supply the champagne flutes for the bride and groom . The flutes weren 't to be found . So I left to buy champagne flutes on a Sunday morning in Indiana . Someone else was dispatched to buy a lot of potato chips to replace the salad . We got the reception back on track . I returned home where I took a shower and got dressed for the wedding . I climbed into my slate gray Firebird ( a bachelor 's indulgence ) and drove to the church , leading the way for the gathered families . At least I think that I did , because at this point my memory has pretty well faded completely . From this point I am relying on the video for documentation . There are a lot of people in the videos whom we had invited but didn 't expect to be there . The invitation had been more of an announcement to friends and family that we were actually going to take this enormous step . People came from out of state ! My friend Jerry and his daughter Angela drove up from Tennessee ! At one point , as people were being seated , the tape overhears Cindy 's grandmother notice Cindy 's father and says to Cindy 's mother , " Why , he can 't sit there . " They were not the best of friends . Of course he could , and did , sit there . Cindy told me that our friend , Sara , was trying to calm her before the ceremony . Sara , of course , had never been married and had no idea how unnerving a wedding could be . My mother , ever the optimist , had told Cindy that she would believe the wedding would take place when she saw us at the altar . She Who Must Not Be Named told us that she had decided that I was gay because I was in my forties and had never been married . When Cindy had told her father that I had proposed , his response was , " How did you tell him no ? " The consensus was that the marriage wouldn 't last because we were so different from each other . Little things about the ceremony stand out . Cindy was crying ( nerves ? ) . Cody fell asleep and missed his cue to start and stop the music for the singer , Sandy ( too much partying the previous night ? ) . My voice boomed out during the question / response part of the ceremony ( nerves ? ) . The extraordinary length of the final prayer ( get it over Dr . Kitley ! ) . Also , if Cindy had been wearing flats she would have set a land speed record for bolting out of the church at the end of the ceremony . Things went fine at the reception except that we hadn 't anticipated so many people showing up and we ran short of food . Lee , Cindy 's son , who acted as our DJ decided to scrap most of the music tapes that I had made and to go with music that he liked ; so long Sinatra , hello AC / DC . Betty spiked the punch and enjoyed it quite a bit . Who would have thought that woman could polka ? Cindy and I were able to spend time with our friends and family , some of whom we hadn 't seen in a long time . People started drifting away , and eventually we realized that the reception was over . Part of the deal we made to get such a cheap venue was that we had to clean up after the reception , so we and a few friends pitched in to get the place back in order . That 's when we found the caterer 's champagne flutes hidden under a table . Well , we could return them along with the cherries . I was surprised to find that the sun was still shining when we opened the door to carry out the trash . We would be able to get some miles on the road before finding a place to stay on the first night of our honeymoon . Great ! And that 's when I remembered that I had been so distracted the previous day that I hadn 't gone to the bank . Twenty - five years ago our bank didn 't offer ATM cards , and the only credit card I had was issued by a gasoline company , to be used only at gas stations . I asked Cindy if she , by any chance , had gone to the bank to withdraw money for our honeymoon . She had not . We were not getting on the road that Sunday evening . Neither were we going home , because our house was filled with parents . When I saw that sign I knew that I had to follow the detour until I could connect with That Road . It never did connect . I was led on by a series of detour signs . At least those roads took me in the general direction that I wanted . I took a day trip to Bloomington last week . I was lucky in that it was the prettiest day of the week . It was so pretty that I took back roads all of the way . The delays for road work were minimal . It was glorious . I had the foresight to take along a stack of CDs to play on the way down and back . There are few things better than driving along with the windows down and good music playing . I started with The Beach Boys https : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = AtLY9oLTGMg . It seemed appropriate . As I approached Bloomington , this Johnny Rivers song came on https : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = IX0yvGDGGeM . It had a calming effect on me , and I slowed to relish the anticipation that was building . It has been a long time since I was last in Bloomington and on the IU campus . I am always surprised at how much things change between visits . The first thing that I noticed was the new ( to me ) baseball field . When I had been a student there , the diamond was immediately north of our dorm . Every year there was at least one story circulated , occasionally with names , of a maiden who , on a dark night , had been deflowered on home plate . When the act was consummated , the young woman would then hear applause from students in the bleachers . I know that it was apocryphal . Who would choose home plate , the dustiest part of the field ? No ; anyone in their right mind would go to right field where the grass is always lush . Anyway , the new field is now down in the complex along with Assembly Hall and the football stadium . I went on to the quadrangle where I had lived in the dorms for four years . Not much has changed there , except for the trees . There were only saplings planted there when I was a student . I know that they swapped them out every few years so that there were never fully developed trees . I don 't know why they did that . This year the trees were larger and leafier than I recall . There were areas of shade where before there had only been sunlight . I got back in my car and headed down to the main part of campus . As a student I would have walked , but those years are long gone . I would have had to make at least three stops for rest if had tried walking last week . Perhaps I should have walked and rested , because due to work on the streets and new parking restrictions , I could find nowhere to park . I had to skip some of the places I had intended to visit . No fear though , I 'll be going back again later in the summer . I have already made that decision . I 'll be better rested and in better shape when I return . I went to the south side of town and turned west onto a street heading west . I wasn 't on it long before I came to the sign in the picture . I had to follow the detour , because I had never been on That Road . Maybe I 'll find it next time I go down . Leanne Cole 's Monochrome Madness has a theme this week , Fences . In the past few weeks I have taken many pictures of fences to prepare for submission . In each case the picture turned out to be blurred , better in color , or just plain boring . Boring , as in " just plain . " I finally took this picture yesterday with my cell phone . It isn 't a great picture , but it is better than anything else that I came up with . Plus , I like the broken board and the shadows . Leanne will be offering a gallery of monochrome images from all over the world on Wednesday in Australia , Tuesday in the U . S . You should check it out . This is not the post that I planned for today . Rather , this is a post about what I have been struggling to write . I won 't tell you what sparked my initial idea because I haven 't given up on it entirely . The idea for what I wanted to write came to me in the middle of last week . I had a clear starting point and end point . It was just the middle that was murky . So I started by jotting down some ideas of what I wanted to include . Unfortunately I decided to leave it there and to start the draft the following day . Bad idea . That night I had a strange dream and decided that I needed to write about it before the details slipped away . I was happy with the dream post and knew that I had my notes for my more important post , so I was content to let it slide another day . In fact , when I gave it some thought I realized that my final point was petty and that I needed to make drastic changes . So I jotted down different notes for the middle and the end , and left it for the following day . I got up the next day and did some outdoor chores because the weather was so nice . That afternoon I settled down at the keyboard to knock out a first draft for the post . I wanted to keep my starting point and that part came easy . But then when I started on the middle section , my mind and fingers took control and veered away from my plan and started a unnecessary rant . What ? Where did that come from , and why ? I clearly needed to give more thought to this subject , so I put the draft away for another day . I worked on the draft the following day . I could not come up with a way to make it work . Every time I started to write the focus became unclear because there were so many different ways to take the post . I considered breaking the post in two and publish on consecutive days . I wondered if I could do an Alexandrian Quartet number and write about the same event from different points of view , with different reactions . Maybe I should just scrap the whole idea . Then I caught a break because my granddaughter 's dance recital happened and I was able to write about it yesterday . The thought of working on the other draft just made my brain fuzzy , so I didn 't work on it at all . This morning I knew that I couldn 't even cobble together a good draft , let alone a finished product . Well , I haven 't given up on the idea ( s ) entirely , but I am not close to being ready to publish . Does anyone else have similar problems writing posts ? Am I the only one who is so self - absorbed that I agonize over it in writing ? I have wanted to get a picture of this building from this angle for a long time , but have never seemed to find the time to do it until last week . I love the wooden stairs and walkway set against the red brick and cinder block . The rectangular doors , windows and other features also make it interesting . If only I could have talked the owners of the vehicles into parking somewhere other than the funeral home parking lot , I would have had an unobstructed view . The show started with a video to introduce the staff . In the video the owner / director / instructor , Miss A , entered stage left , prancing like a high - stepping show pony , head thrown back to better display her flashing fake smile , onto some part of the Purdue campus . Then she was transported to an empty fake warehouse where she was doing dance moves to a techno - beat accompanied by strobe light flashes . Then each of the staff members , in turn , was introduced like the characters in a crime drama , a la TJ Hooker ; you know , flashes of them in action followed by a still shot of them with their name below them on the screen . Each in turn was then inserted into the fake warehouse behind Miss A , following her lead in the dance moves . This went on for five or six minutes until everyone except the janitors were introduced . This year the school added some form of exercise where the participants squat , legs spread , using two foot long lime - green plastic sticks to beat the ground and swing around their bodies . I was happy to see that no eyes were put out during their demonstration . They have also added acting , in which my granddaughter excelled . Now I understand why she is becoming a drama queen . I actually enjoyed the recital more than I have in past years . In past years the music chosen for the routines was almost all from the techno / rap / Brittany Spears mode . This year there was more music that was relatable ( to me ) for the types of dance being performed . For instance , they played Fred Astaire 's version of Puttin ' On The Ritz https : / / vimeo . com / 6971656 for a tap number . Of course I couldn 't help but think of Young Frankenstein https : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = w1FLZPFI3jc , but I 'm sure I was the only one who did . Maely , my granddaughter , put in a performance somewhere between the two . I thought that she was excellent . One of the highlights of the evening , not counting Maely 's performances , was a group of young girls , certainly pre - school age , dressed in tutu skirts , moving to music ( I think it was Twist And Shout ) . One of the girls missed her mark and landed on a smaller girl 's mark . The smaller girl took umbrage at that and tried to push the larger girl away , twice . The other little girls kept moving more or less to the music . Finally the music ended with most of the girls walking off while the other two glared at each other for a moment . I believe that the smaller girl might have anger management issues . I don 't have a photo from the recital because I have never been able to get a good shot . I didn 't even try this year . Maybe next year . Maely wants to play a piano solo . She started taking lessons last month .
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Caden woke up early . He got dressed . As he pulled his shirt on , he looked at Rilyn 's sleeping form . She had the covers pulled tightly around her , like it was a shield against some unforeseen danger . Caden looked at her swords . The sheaths were made from bone , and split along the top so you lifted the swords out rather then drawing them . The blades etched with a jagged pattern , so that when placed side by side , the curve formed a perfect circle with a sun etched around the rim . Caden held the swords up and looked at Rilyn . " Where are you from ? " he said . He looked at the blanket covering most of her face . " And even sleeping , you still hide your face from me . " He shook his head and put the swords away . He walked out of the room . " You 're one strange man . " In the common room , Cassy came over and served him a bowl with a cinnamon bread soaking in steaming milk . Caden noted how the bread lacked a distinctive cinnamon swirl when he cut it open and it absorbed the milk much too quickly . He looked up at Cassy . " Cinnamon ? " he asked . " Isn 't that a bit extravagant for what we pay ? " " True , " she said . " But I want you to come back again . " " Why ? " Caden took a bite of the meal . Cassy set down a mug of tea sweetened with steamed cinnamon spiced milk . " I heard a rumor the other day , and I think you had something to do with it . " " What was that ? " Caden took a drink of tea . Cassy sat down across from Caden . " Well , some people were saying that the local guard picked up a couple of Bandits . They were wanted for several muggings on the south highway . The guards found them with major injurys , but two were still alive . When they were brought in , they talked about a man with a holy , green and black , sword . Now everyone in town is talking about some holy knight who 's purging the wicked . " Caden choked on his tea . " When I saw you bring that stone sword into your room last night , " she said . " I figured it had to be you . " " Well , " Caden said . " I wouldn 't put too much faith into rumors . " Cassy looked up , and said , " Where 's your friend ? " " I think mayWritten by Caden rode Starlight . Rilyn walked on the left side . They crossed the hills and valleys as they returned to Tinate . They travelled an extra half day out of their way to avoid going through Sharsden a second time . The small rodent rode on Caden 's shoulders . He fed it small bites of bread . " You shouldn 't feed that , " Rilyn said . " It is a wild animal . " " It 's okay , it 's okay , " Caden said waving his hand at Rilyn . " It 's tame . A merchant probably carried it from the other side of the Yongsan Mountains before it escaped it 's cage . " Caden petted the furry creature . " You 're a strange person . " " How so ? " " You trust everybody , " Rilyn said . " I don 't know anyone who would go out of their way to defend someone who is accused to be a witch . " " Maybe more people should , " Caden said . " How many innocent people may have suffered for a false accusation ? " Rilyn sighed . " I suppose . " He walked next to Caden in silence . " You 're a good person , " whispered Rilyn . " I 'd hate to see what you 'd become if you actually join the Dragon Knights . " Caden didn 't hear Rilyn , he just continued to look forward and ride back to Tinate . When Caden and Rilyn reached Tinate , they traveled straight to the temple . Caden tied up Starlight in the temple mall . The small rodent jumped off of Caden 's shoulder . Caden watched it run under a building into a sewer drain . " I guess our friend isn 't much of a temple patron , " said Caden . Rilyn sighed and shook his head . They walked over to the temple doors and Caden pulled . The door was locked . Caden furrowed his brow and pulled again . " That 's odd , " Caden said . " What ? " " The temple doors shouldn 't be locked . " " Tinate is a bigger place then Erdon . Maybe it 's normal here . " " No , " Caden said . " The book of the 3rd Sage , Chapter 18 , verse 26 . ' The doors of the sanctuary shall never be sealed , so that none are denied salvation . ' It 's a cardinal rule of the order . " " You have the sacred texts memorized ? " asked Rilyn . " Not all of them . " " Come on , " Rilyn said . He grabbed Caden 's shirt . " I 'm hungry , and I want something other then stew bWritten by Rilyn sat in grass and watched the clouds drift by . Starlight grazed . Caden recounted the tale of the Dragon Queen to the general . The general listened and nodded . His brow was tight , and he kept a tight frown on his face . When Caden finished , the general said , " That 's quite the story . ゛ " It 's true , " Caden said . " I believe you . " " So you 'll rescue Keilee ? " " I 'll send my best dragon trackers out immediately . Without fail , I promise they will find this dragon and kill it by the next new moon . " " But this isn 't any ordinary dragon , " Caden said . " It 's the Dragon Queen . " " The great sages have left us everything we need to deal with that old lizard . " The general put his hand on Caden 's shoulder . " And if your friend is still alive , we 'll bring her back to your village . " " I want to go with . " Caden looked up at the general . " Oh ? " The general looked down into Caden 's eyes . " Please , reconsider , let me join , " Caden said . " I 'm stronger then I look , let me go with the dragon trackers so that I may help rescue Keilee . " The general 's brow relaxed , and he smiled . " If it means that much to you . " Caden smiled . " I 'm not supposed to do this . " The general leaned down and whispered to Caden . " But I will make you a deal . " Rilyn looked and watched closely as the general whispered into Caden 's ear . Caden and Rilyn walked back to where they left Su . Rilyn looked at Caden . He hadn 't stopped smiling since they departed ways from the general . " Are you going to tell me what he said , or is this another secret ? " " No , I 'll tell you , " said Caden . " He agreed to let me join the Dragon Knights . " " Okay , so why are you leaving ? " " I need to talk with Sir Eric . I can only join them if I prove my strength and bring them the heads of five dragons . I figure Sir Eric should know how to track down some small ones . " Rilyn shook his head and followed behind Caden . " Then we should double your training so you can defeat them with the stone sword . " Caden looked back and smiled . He raised his left hand over his shoulder and gave Rilyn a thumbs up . " Sounds like a planWritten by Rilyn walked behind Caden and Su . She seemed normal . Her hair was the same dark brown most people had in this country . She was about a head shorter then Caden . Rilyn guessed she was around 15 harvests . Which was the oddest thing about her , traveling alone so young . Caden wasn 't saying much , but she was talking on and on . Nothing unusual either , just meaningless chatter . Rilyn couldn 't understand why she hated her so much . Watching her pick wildflowers , making Caden laugh . Rilyn didn 't want Su to be a witch . She just wanted a reason to get rid of her . Rilyn watched as Caden and Su talked . How she made him smile , made him laugh . Caden was talking about what happened . Rilyn gribbed her swords , imagining Su without a head . " . . . and that 's when the Dragon Queen took Keilee . Now I 'm on a quest to save her . " " Wow , " said Su . " When I asked why you needed the Dragon Knights , I didn 't expect all that . " " I figure it 's what they 're best at , right ? " " I don 't know . " Su rubbed the back of her head . " I mean , I didn 't even think Dragon 's existed . " " Of course they exist , " Caden said . " Didn 't you listen to all the stories when you went to temple ? " " To tell you the truth , " Su said . " My family didn 't go to temple all that often . " Caden looked at Su . She looked up at him . He blushed . She laughed . " Why ? " Rilyn asked . " Too sacred for your family traditions ? " Caden looked at Rilyn , his brow tight , his mouth frowning , and his eyes looked dark . Was she bewitching him ? Clouding his mind ? Su looked back over her shoulder . " What ? I 'm sorry , I didn 't realize you were in this conversation . " She sneered at Rilyn and ran ahead . She ran up the hill , and climbed onto one of the jagged outcroppings of rock . " Hey Caden , " she called . " Come here and look at this . " Caden looked at Rilyn again . Then he ran up the hill to join her . Starlight snorted and trotted behind him . Even the horse hates me , thought Rilyn . Caden let go of Starlight 's reigns so he could climb up the rock after Su . She pointed out into the distance . " Look , " she said . " You can see the DWritten by Caden and Rilyn walked up a hill . They exited Sharsden on the opposite road that they came in on . Neither talked on the hike up the steep hill . At the top , they stopped next to the lone tree and looked back at the town . A few people stood at the edge of town and stared back up at them . " Makes you wonder , " Rilyn said . " Doesn 't it ? " " What ? " " What the Dragon Knights have done to that town to make them react like that . " " No , it doesn 't , " Caden said . " It 's clear that the man has corrupted the town . " " What man ? " " The man with the dark shroud , " said Caden . " I don 't know what it means , but I know he caused this . " " Sucks doesn 't it ? " said a voice from the tree . Rilyn and Caden looked up . The young woman from Tinate sat on a branch . She wore brown boots with a short dark green dress . " What does ? " Rilyn asked . He dropped his hands under his cloak and grabbed the handle of his curved swords . " Getting chased out of town for something you didn 't do . " She jumped out of the tree and landed in front of Rilyn . She stuck out her hand . " Hi , I 'm Suzidan . " " Hey Su , " Caden said . " What are you doing out here ? " Su spun around on her toe . She faced Caden . " Hi Cady . I followed you . Thought maybe you could use my help . " " And what makes you think you can help us ? " asked Rilyn . " Well , let 's see . " She placed a finger on her lips . " Caden saved my life , so I guess I owe him the same . " She tapped her mouth . " What else , oh that 's right ! I know where the Dragon Knight training camp is . " " Will you show us ? " asked Caden . " Of course I will . " Su kicked the tree . It shook and a bag fell out of the branches . She caught it and slipped the strap over her shoulders . " Shall we go then ? " She walked away from the town as leaves from the tree drifted down around her . Caden followed . Rilyn grabbed his elbow , stopping him . " This is too convient , " he said . " I don 't trust her . " Caden shook his arm free . " Will you relax , " Caden said . " She 's not a witch . Trust me on this . " " Not unless you can tell me what happened in that tower . " Caden dropped his head . " It 's complicWritten by Caden dreamt that night . In his dream , he was grown up . He was strong , his arms and chest well defined and muscular from the training Rilyn gave him . He was by the river , Keilee was safe and sleeping with her head on his lap . He stroked her hair . He heard a splash . Out in the river , another woman was bathing . Her wet skin glimmered in the orange light of the dying fire while the water sparkled under the full moon . She was the most beautiful woman Caden had ever seen . Her long red hair glistened . That morning , they broke camp , ate the last of the wheat bread and preserves , and set off down the highway . As they walked along that morning , Rilyn saw Caden smiling like a fool . " What are you smiling about ? " He asked . " Oh , nothing , " Caden said . " I just had a really good dream last night . " " Well , stay focused on the real world . I don 't understand why you like that thing . " Rilyn pointed at the Stone Sword . " But until you can lift it all the time , I want you to stick to the short sword . " " It 's not a sword , " Caden said . " It 's a brush axe . " " Still , you can actually lift it , so use that till you get stronger . " " Okay . " The mention of getting stronger made Caden think about his dream again . " From what Ramone said , we should reach Sharsden around noon , " Rilyn said . They continued to walk down the highway . The terrain had few trees , but many hills dotted by giant boulders jutting out of them at odd angles . By noon , it was hotter then the day before . Caden was sweating a river . He emptied the water flask he had filled that morning by the river . He looked at Rilyn . Rilyn still wore the same cloak with the high collar covering his face up to his nose . The wide brimmed hat cast a shadow over his eyes . " Damn , aren 't you hot ? " asked Caden . " No . " " Do you ever take that cloak off ? " " The cloak is what keeps me cool , " said Rilyn . " It 's been blessed to protect me from the second sun . " Caden shielded his eyes and squinted at the single sun in the sky . " What are you talking about ? " Caden and Rilyn reached the top of a hill . They looked down aWritten by Caden saddled and groomed Starlight while Rilyn settled with the Barkeep . Rilyn walked outside . " Are you ready ? " Caden asked . " We 've wasted two nights here , and we 're no closer to finding the Dragon Knights , or getting them to save Keilee . " " You were the one who spent the night with a witch . " " She 's not a witch , " Caden said . " I 'm certain of that now . " " Then why did the towns people attack her ? " " She was found with the witch . " " And what would they have been doing together ? " " I don 't know . " " I 'm not from around here , " Rilyn said . " But our cultures do agree on one thing . Thou shall not suffer a witch to live . " " She wasn 't a witch . " " But if she had dealings with one , maybe she 's on the journey to become one . " Caden looked away . He led Starlight out the courtyard gate . Rilyn followed . Cassy came out the front door to the Tavern . She ran up to Caden and handed him a loaf of bread . " Come back again , " she said . " Ok ? " Caden nodded . Rilyn led Caden to the east gate . Identical to the first , except the vertical sign read , " 出口 東Tinate . " " Father Achilleos said the Dragon Knights went west , " Rilyn said . " They have a training camp they bring new recruits to . " " Don 't you find it odd that they didn 't know about the draft here . " " From what I 've heard of the Dragon Knights , it doesn 't surprise me . " " You 're right , " Caden said . " A city this size , they must get enough volunteers that they don 't need a draft . " " Yeah , " Rilyn said . He walked past Caden . " That 's what I meant . " They walked in silence for the rest of the morning . By noon , they exited the forest and no longer had the canopy protecting them from the hot mid - day sun . Caden mounted Starlight , and rode her while eating lunch . He gave Rilyn a spicy stew bread , and ate the last sour seaweed . He looked in his knapsack . He had two honey stews left , four spicy stews , and the loaf Cassy gave him . Cassy 's bread was a simple soft wheat dinner loaf . Dinner loafs don 't last as long as the stew bread . It would only be good for today , they 'd need to eat it for dinner . But that meant fiWritten by Rilyn sat up all night with Father Achilleos . They talked till the sun rose and Caden descended from the tower with the young woman behind him . Rilyn watched as they walked into the temple . Caden 's face looked like it was carved from wax . He stood there , staring forward , not blinking . The woman kissed him on the cheek . " Thanks , " she said . She walked out of the temple . " Well , looks like that worked out for the best , " Father Achilleos said . He stood up , and took Rilyn by the hand . " Remember what I said . And come back to see me after you 've finished your errand with the Dragon Knights . May the sages guide you on your journey . " Rilyn walked over next to Caden . " What happened up there ? " " I don 't want to talk about it . " Caden walked to the door . " Let 's depart . " Father Achilleos watched them leave . " That boy . " Father Coteson walked to his study , and pulled an ancient book from the shelf . I know this is by far the shortest post to date . Yet , I 'm focusing on writing the important points of the chapter sections . And this was the focus of the section . Come back tomorrow for the start of Chapter 7 . The crowd of people hauled two woman bound to seven foot stakes . One was an old woman , in her seventies . The other was a young brunette , barely over 17 harvest . The old woman was cackling and crying out about the crowd being tortured for a thousands years and black death reigning from above , destroying the town . The young woman was shouting , " I 'm not a witch . " Caden heard about witches in temple service , but had never seen one before . He didn 't know if he was actually seeing one right now . What he did know was , the old crone had the same shroud of darkness as Father Coteson , the undead Dragon Knights , and the Bandit leader in the forest . Yet the young girl , she didn 't have it . She looked normal , like everyone else in the crowd . " Rilyn , " said Caden . " I think that girl is telling the truth . " " What ? Why ? " " Doesn 't the older woman remind you of the bandit leader who vanished on the highway ? " " Well , she does have the same eyes , but that 's not all that strange on someone her age . " " No , the black shroud . " " What shroud ? " " You don 't see that darkness surrounding her ? " " No , " Rilyn said . " And the bandit leader had the same thing ? " " Same with Father Coteson . " " And the girl doesn 't ? " " Right , " Caden said . " We have to save her . " " So do you want to tell the angry mob that they got the wrong person ? " " Follow me . " Caden pushed through the crowd and ran down a side street . Caden and Rilyn emerged from an alley . They were at the temple mall . Large , flat , white stones paved the ground . The mob was already there , carrying the two women into the temple . " Damn . " Caden punched the side of the alley . " I was hoping to beat them here . " Rilyn noticed the cracks left in the stone from Caden 's punch . " I 'm surprised we got here when we did . " Rilyn walked past Caden and onto the mall . " After all , you did try to take a short cut in a city you 've never been to . " " How hard is it to head towards the giant stone tower . " Caden pointed at the white marble tower above the temple . It was the tallest building in Tinate . " Apparently it is , " said Rilyn . " JuWritten by Caden and Rilyn walked along the highway . The weapons were put away , and Caden massaged his shoulder . Rilyn moved behind Caden . When he got next to Starlight , she nipped at him . Rilyn jumped away . Caden pulled the reigns . " I don 't think she likes me , " Rilyn said . " She senses that you 're afraid of her , " said Caden . " That makes her in charge . With animals , it 's all about who 's the master . " " Yeah , " said Rilyn . " But people aren 't that way . " " You 're not going to start up on the bandits again ? " " It was a mistake to leave them alive . " " Enough already , " Caden said . " One is never going to be able to walk right again , and if infection sets in , the other is going to lose his sword arm . Even if he avoids infection , wounds like that never heal straight . We won 't see them again . " " You know what they say , a wounded Kryptop is the most dangerous . " Where does he get these sayings ? " Besides , you stole their bush axes , " Caden said . " So I guess they 're wounded and toothless Kryptops . " Caden and Rilyn walked through the southern gate of Tinate . The gate had two massive stone pillars , each almost 5 fathom 's tall and 15 hands wide . They were 1 and a half fathom 's apart . The pillars were connected by two cross beams , one above the other . In the center of the cross beams , a vertical sign displayed , " 南 Tinate . " Four guards , two on each side , stood at the gate . Caden stopped under the gate . Rilyn continued to walk . The guards looked at him . The traffic moved around him . " Um ? Excuse me ? " asked Caden . " What do you want , kid ? " " Have the Dragon Knights passed through here ? " " Who 're they ? " asked the first Guard . " Don 't know know that Dragon 's don 't exist , kid ? " said the second guard . " Now get lost . " Caden looked at them . They started making jokes about dragons . Caden pulled on Starlight 's reigns and caught up to Rilyn . They searched the city for cheap lodging . They settled on the Blue Fox . Caden tied Starlight up in the central courtyard next to a trough . They walked into the common room . Caden looked at the barkeep . He knodded at them , so thWritten by Caden rode Starlight for a while , then dismounted . " Would you like to rest for a while ? " asked Caden . " No thanks , " Rilyn said . " I 'm fine just walking . " " Come on . " Caden handed him the reigns . " Your training routine this morning put us behind schedule . I don 't want to stop for another break . " Rilyn stared at the horse . " What are you waiting for ? " Rilyn grabbed the horse 's mane and the saddle . He tried to pull himself up . The horse cried out and bit Rilyn on the arm . " Ow , you stupid beast ! " He let go of Starlight and she trotted ahead 20 paces . Caden fetched Starlight and walked her back . " What was that ? " He looked at Rilyn rubbing his arm . " You would think you 've never seen a horse . " " Actually , I haven 't , " Rilyn said . " We don 't have them where I come from . " " Where are you from ? " " Doesn 't matter . I can 't return . " Caden stared at Rilyn rubbing his arm . " That 's going to bruise , but it 's better then if she had kicked you . " Caden tied Starlight to a low tree branch . " Come here , I 'll teach you some basics so you can play nice with the old girl . " Rilyn rode on Starlight , but didn 't feel comfortable with the commands . So he just sat on her back while Caden led the horse on foot . Caden saw something dark moving in the woods . " You know , " he said . " We need to be careful . If someone saw me leading your horse , they might think your royalty . " " Why ? Nobles don 't know how to ride either ? " Caden watched the dark movement . " I 'm sure they do , " he said . " But Sir Eric says that actual riding is considered below them . So they either ride in Carriages or have some one lead the horse on foot . " " In that case , " said Rilyn . " I think I 'll get off for now . " Caden stopped the horse . " That 's a good idea . " The dark shape in the forest stopped too . Caden helped Rilyn climb down . The horse snorted and stamped it 's foot . " In fact , why don 't we resume our training from earlier ? " " I thought you wanted keep moving ? " " I did . " Caden looked Rilyn in the eyes . " But you can never be too careful . " Rilyn looked out the corner of his eyes . He nodded and movedWritten by Caden and Rilyn walked for the rest of the night . Caden never rode Starlight . They reached the highway by sunrise . The road to Erdon was marked by an old well next to a log lean - to and trough . Caden drew water from the well and filled the trough . He let Starlight drink while he sat in the lean - to . " Planning on taking a break already ? " " No , " Caden said . " Just asking , " said Rilyn . " Because when I ran away from home , I went more then a couple of hours away . " " This is the farthest I 've ever traveled from my home . " " So what ? " Rilyn dropped the bucket into the well . " Eric told me you wanted to leave that town . " " Hey ! Do you even remember what it was like to leave your home for the first time ? " " Yeah . " Rilyn pulled the rope and hauled the full bucket out . " It was a month ago . And I haven 't looked back . " He carried the bucket to Caden . " Like you , staying home meant death . " " I 'm not going die if I stay in Erdon . " " You 're not ? " " No ! " Caden yelled . " Staying put , delivering bread every morning , getting married and raising a home , " said Rilyn . " While every year , the Dragon Knights come , and choose people , but never you ? Watching the people you know , leave you behind and live the life you dream of ? " Caden looked at the bucket in Rilyn 's hands . " There are ways of dying that don 't leave you buried in the sand . " " I will join the Dragon Knights , " Caden said . He looked Rilyn in the eyes . " Not like that you won 't . " Rilyn set the bucket down . " Unless you want to be buried in the sand , get that sword of yours off the horse . " Caden looked down the road , back to Erdon . Rilyn picked up the bucket and threw the water on Caden . " What ? " Caden shook his head . " I said , get your sword and . . . " Caden ran at Rilyn . He threw a punch with all of his strength . Rilyn stepped to the side . Caden 's punch missed . It passed by Rilyn 's ear . Rilyn 's elbow hit Caden in the solar plexus while he drew a dirk . He put the tip against Caden 's neck . " As I said , you 'll be buried in the sand . " Rilyn put his dagger away . " Your Mayor charged me with making sure that dWritten by A week passed , and the Dragon Queen had not returned . It seemed like the old stories were true . A sacrificed daughter would appease the queen and she would not return for a year and a day . The stories did not say why she wanted the sacrifice . Caden was there . He saw the Dragon Queen take Keilee . It didn 't kill her , it took her . He knew she was still alive . No one else believed him . Even if it took her alive , it would have eaten her by now . She was dead , the town held a memorial for her , and thanked her for saving the town . Yet no one thanked Harron . The town did not mention the role he played in the sacrifice of his daughter . He saved them , they knew that . But no one approved . Harron returned to his homestead with the remainder of his family . No one went out to check on them . No one would consider talking with him . In that week , the people were busy rebuilding their town . Sir Eric eventually recovered , but moped around worse then before . No one ever saw him sober anymore . He just walked around the town with a bottle of shine in his left hand . His right arm and shoulder were gone . The stranger , Rilyn , even helped out with the rebuilding . He had recovered and was only using a cane instead of a crutch . Caden fought a different battle . He tried to convince his father to let him go after the Dragon Knights . To get them to mobilize and hunt down the Dragon Queen , and save Keilee . His father refused . He told his father that someone had to notify the church of Father Coteson 's actions . His father refused . Caden crept into the kitchen late at night . He carried a knapsack with a change of clothes . His father had been baking a lot of stew rolls lately . Giving them to the workers around the town . It was a good bread , hard outer crust allowed it to last for days . Inside was a soft bread stuffed with meat , vegetables , gravy , and potatoes . Caden preferred the spicy and sweet flavors , but couldn 't tell which were which in the dark . So he opened his knapsack and filled it with loaves from all three trays . He moved a bench over toWritten by Thadeus Silverthorn took Caden aside . " Caden , you 're father doesn 't want you to go , but I think you are the best choice . " " Why ? " asked Caden . " Do you have to ask ? Or are happy that it gets you what you want . " " I guess so . " Caden looked around for Keilee . She had disappeared while he was talking to the mothers . " It just seems like no one else in this town thinks so . " " I 've been around long enough to see things most people miss . " Thadeus put his hand on Caden 's shoulder . " Now , tell me about how you saved the children . " Harron held his daughter by the arm . She followed him , but continued to look up at the sky . Harron used the time that Thadeus was distracted by Caden to leave the temple unnoticed . They walked out to the town square . There was a large pole in the center of the town square , and Harron was glad that it still stood . Ropes with broken lanterns hung from the top . Harron tied Keilee to the pole . " Why are you doing this ? " she cried . " I 'm sorry , but the scriptures are clear . " He pulled the ropes tighter . " Before the Queen was sealed , we appealed her with female sacrifices . You are going to save the town . " Rilyn was helping Sir Eric through town . He survived the dragon attack , but his right arm was caught in the blast . It vanished with the rest of the Tavern . Rilyn heard the screams and pulled Sir Eric out the backdoor as the building was destroyed by the dragon 's attack . Sir Eric was lucky , he was already passed out from drinking too much . Yet Rilyn did not envy him waking up to finding his right arm missing . Rilyn watched Harron tie the girl up . He adjusted Sir Eric and left the square . Harron lit two fires , one on each side of Keilee . She just hung her head and cried . Rilyn carried Sir Eric into the temple . He placed him with the rest of the injured . Only a handful of people managed to survive being hit by the Dragon Queen 's attack . Caden walked over to them . " It 's good to see that you survived , " said Caden . " I 'd heard that Sir Eric died . " " Not dead , " said Rilyn . " But he 's not lucky either . " Rilyn laid a bWritten by The town of Erdon was gone . Some buildings remained , and parts of other buildings still stood . But most of the buildings were gone , replaced by deep holes and long hollows . Caden walked into town along the main road . The children huddled around him . The streets were deserted . Caden couldn 't figure out what happened . There was no smoke , no fire . The buildings were just gone . Long deep hollows cut through the ground , and when they passed through a building , that part of the building was gone . There was no debris or anything else left . The Dragon Queen roared in the distance . The children cried and grabbed Caden . Caden lifted the stone sword , it was getting heavy again . " Don 't worry , " he told the children . " We 'll just go to the temple . The Five Sages will protect us there . " Caden said a silent prayer for the temple to still be there . The temple still stood . Caden and the children walked towards the sacred gate . The deep hollows lead up to the temple , then stopped . The gardens around the temple were untouched . The Dragon Queen roared . Caden looked back . It was flying straight for them . It 's massive black wings blocking out the midmorning sun . It 's mouth opened , and a ball of black darkness formed . Everything around it was stretched and distorted , like it was consuming the very light around it . The ball stretched into a streak . It struck the ground and the ground vanished , leaving a deep hollow as it approached . Caden and the children ran for the sacred gate . One child tripped and fell . Caden heard him crying . " Keep running ! " He told the children . He stopped and looked back . The black streak hit the child , and the crying stopped . The child was gone , and the black streak closed in on Caden . The town was huddled inside the temple . Mother 's cried over their missing children . The men were gathered at the entrance . They held tools and poles , anything that would pass for a weapon . Mayor Silverthorn stood in the middle of them . " Have you found anymore survivors ? " asked Thadeus . Max , the barber , closed his razors . " No , everyoWritten by Caden climbed the rough cut stairs . The passage narrowed . Caden turned to his side , and squeezed through . The torch heated up the tight space . Caden sweated . His shirt caught on the rock and ripped . He saw the light outside . Light outside , how long was he in those tunnels ? Vines and ivy covered the exit . Caden dropped the torch and pushed through the plants . He emerged from a crevice in a large rock . The morning sun shone through the forest canopy . He blinked as he looked around . The forest was quiet . Not a single bird sang . The people in town had to have noticed the missing children by now . What will they do when they find the stairs behind the altar ? What will they do if they find the bodies of the Dragon Knights ? Caden hefted the stone sword in one hand . It didn 't feel heavy anymore . He guessed that it had to be over a stone in weight . He lifted the stone sword . Before , it was too heavy for him to lift with two hands , now he held it in one hand . It was carved imathia green marble , and over 20 hands in length . He took the time to figure out where he was . He saw a large tree above the stone he climbed out of . It had a thick twine rope tied around it , with white and red ribbons . Caden recognized the tree , and the rock he climbed out of . It was the heart of the Dragon Queen . It was said the Five Great sages sealed the Dragon Queen 's heart , a diamond the size of a human head , inside the stone . He never knew the stone was split in half before . He walked down the path to the Dragon 's Maw . Father Coteson stood in the clearing . Surrouned by the rows of sharp jagged boulders . The Queen 's half buried teeth . The children stood next to the boulders , not moving . Father Coteson 's staff burned with green fire . He held up the Queen 's heart . He chanted in the ancient temple language . Caden could only make out a few words . " δράκος βάσιλισσα , " meant Dragon Queen , and " επιστροφή , " meant the return . The giant diamond pulsed . It started beating to the rhythm of his chant . With every pulse , red flowed through Written by Caden squinted , then blinked . He stood in absolute darkness . He couldn 't see his own hands . Yet he saw three shapes coming at him . Somehow , they looked darker then total darkness . Caden watched them move . They took slow and steady steps . The first one moved faster . It closed the ten foot gap in an instant . Caden stepped back . A line of fire was drawn across his stomach . He touched the hole in his tunic and felt the warm wetness spreading . It moved again . Caden ducked . The steel sword rang when it hit against stone . Crack . A large object fell on Caden . The shape moved again . Caden smelled herbs and dried flowers . Clank . The steel sword bounced off the heavy object on Caden 's back . He touched it . The stone was rough . It had ridges carved into it 's round surface . Lower , the round shape became flat . It was a statue 's stone sword . Clank . The steel sword bounced off of the stone one . The other two shapes where standing back . They waited for the first to move . Caden grabbed the stone sword in both hands . He screamed as he lifted the sword onto his shoulder , then flipped it over . The sword came down at the dark shape . It moved . The stone sword hit the steel sword . The weight was too great and knocked the steel sword to the ground . The black shape fell under the sword and disappeared . Caden couldn 't see it anymore . The next shape rushed at him . Caden spun around , dragging the stone sword in a circle . The stone sword scrapped against the floor . Caden lifted the sword up and spun it around in time to catch the second dark shape in the midsection . It hit the wall and disappeared . Before he could recover , the third shape was on top of him . It moved , and Caden brought the sword up . The steel sword bounced off of the stone one . The tip was caught in the corner between the floor and the wall . Caden held the handle up , and knelt under the blade . The third one attacked faster then the first . Caden 's arm was tired from the weight of the stone and the force of the impact . But the attacks were too fast . He didn 't have time to do anytWritten by Sam beat the dough with her spoon . " How could you do that ? " " I know , " Caden said . " I 'll apologize to her in the morning . " " Apologize to who ? " " Keilee , I shouldn 't have just left her like that . " Sam cracked the spoon against the table . Splinters flew at Caden . He turned away , the splinters stuck into his hair . " That 's not what I 'm talking about . " " What are you talking about ? " " You are so clueless . " " Caden ! " cried Keilee . " Caden ! Come back . " " Keilee ! " Caden ran out the kitchen door , and was standing in the middle of the town social . Some of the splinters in his hair caught fire . He brushed them away . " Keilee ! " " Caden . " Caden saw Keilee , sitting on the bench where he left her . She was crying . The fire remained in his hair . The heat was getting hotter , but it wasn 't spreading , it was shrinking , growing more intense . Caden walked to Keilee . He pushed past the people in his way . " Keilee ! " Keilee was picked up and drawn away . " Caden ! " The fire got hotter , and thinner . Like a knife pressing into his skull . " Keilee ! " The crowd disappeared , the town fell away . Leaving only Caden and Keilee . Yet Keilee was being pulled farther and farther away . Caden ran , but couldn 't keep up . A bright light blinded him . When he opened his eyes , he was looking straight up the circular stair case . His vision was blurry and doubled . The fire from his dream was still in his hair . He touched his head . The blood was matted into his hair . It was sticky and clotted . He pushed against the stairs with his feet until he was lying flat on the floor . He heard his shirt rip . He looked straight up at a lit torch above his head . He grabbed at the wall and pulled himself up . He stood as the tunnel spun until the floor came up to meet his face . He laid on the floor , just breathing . He waited for his vision to clear , everything return to one image , and his heart slow back down . Then he pushed himself up with his arms . He was sweating . He waited for the wave of nausea to pass . Then he slid his knees under himself and lifted his head . He leaned against the stoNinja Bear Caden walked through the empty streets . He kicked a loose stone and it clicked down the cobble stone road . He didn 't want to leave the party . But he didn 't want to stay either . He didn 't want to stay in Erdon anymore . The quiet town , in the corner of the Kingdom . The only view of the outside world he had were Sir Eric 's stories of the Dragon Knights . Harron seemed to understand it . Why didn 't anyone else in town ? Maybe he could get Father Coteson on his side . Next time the Dragon Knights came through , he could talk to them . They would hardly turn down a direct request from the church . They served the church even before the king . Caden stopped by a horse trough . He could see himself in the dark water . He would be a great Knight , and honored by the King above all others . Earning a seat in the royal court . Captain General of all the Dragon Knights , standing atop the bodies of countless slain dragons who attempted to return and free their Dragon Queen . Yes , that was his plan . He walked to the temple . Father Coteson wasn 't at the party , so he had to be the temple . He reached the temple , and it was glowing in the night . Every window was lit up with a green glow from inside . The doors were open , and dozens of kids , all under ten harvests , were walking into the temple . Their eyes glowed with the same strange green fire . Caden ran back to the town square . He was halfway there when he stopped . Something strange was going on . If he wanted to prove to Keilee , to all of them , that he had what it took to be a Dragon Knight , he knew that he could not run away . So he returned to the temple . Inside , there was no one . The dead still rested in the side alter , so that everyone could pay their respects for the next three days . The temple was quiet . A cold draft of night air blew through the open doors . The green fire was gone . Caden walked down the long center aisle , past the rows of stone benches . He listened for any movement , but only heard the soft footsteps of his boots on the slate floor . Clack . Caden stopped . He looked around tWritten by Lanterns hung on ropes , illuminating the town square . Musicians played while people gathered . Caden 's father set out his donation of meat pies and honey rolls . Thadeus Silverhorn , Erdon 's elven mayor , walked up to the table and selected a honey roll . " Evening Caden , how 's that boy of yours ? " " Absent minded as ever . " Caden 's father sighed . " All he ever thinks about are the Dragon Knights . I wish he was more dedicated like your daughter . " " Ha ! Samaelus isn 't dedicated to anything . " Thadeus shakes his heads . " You know how kids are , last decade , she wanted to be a tailor , this decade she wants to be a baker . Next she 'll want to be a painter or musician . " " Well , she can stay my apprentice as long as she likes . I might even give her the bakery someday . " " Remember , she may look like an adult . " Thadeus put a hand on Caden 's father 's shoulder . " But she 's more of a kid then your boy . " " Sam ! " Caden called into her room . " What do you think looks better ? " Caden walked into Sam 's room holding a red tunic and a blue one . Sam looked up from her dresser . She 's half dressed , yet neither of them notice . " I was thinking that maybe you could wear this one . " She pulled out a deep green tunic with silver dragons embroidered on the shoulders . " Wow , that 's perfect , Sam . " Caden took the shirt from her . " Where did you get it ? " " I made it . " She selected a dress from her wardrobe . " It matches the dress I made for my self . " " I guess I 'm lucky you had the extra fabric . " Caden walked out the door . " Caden ! " He stopped . " I 've been living off the kitchen , and working for your father for a while now . " " Yeah , like 7 harvests . " " Actually , it 's been nine , " she said . " But that 's not important ! I was thinking , it 's almost your 16th harvest , maybe we don 't have to go alone tonight . " " Oh , I won 't . Keilee agreed to go with me . " Caden holds up the green shirt . " Thanks for your help . " Caden heads back to his room . Caden arrived at the town square with Keilee at his side . She wore a dusty orange dress . They walked to the tables of food and drink . Sir Eric stuWritten by " And let us praise the heavenly Goddess , " Father Coteson of Blackwood raised his hands to the ceiling of the temple . " For while the Dragon Knights lost three of their own , they were able to find three new Knights to join their most holy of quests . " Father Coteson dropped his hands in a sweeping motion toward the Stained glass windows depicting the five sages sealing away the Dragon Queen . The cloth of his vestments flowed around him . " Let them be honored and praised , for these are great tidings . " The crowd repeats , " Honored and praised . " " Yet one does not honor the sacrifice of the great sages , " Father Coteson said as he folded his hands , " who died on this very spot . " He looked out at the gathered faced . " The man who should honor this sacred hour above everyone else , can be found at the bottom of a mug . " Father Coteson struck his hand out fast enough for his sleave to snap . It echoed in the silent temple . " Fear not ! For I say this now ! The heavenly goddess is sending forth a sword this very night ! And she shall cut down the wicked and purge our town . " A murmur spread through the crowd . Father Coteson folded his hands . " Show your devotion . Don 't follow in his example . Stay home with your family tonight . " He bowed his head . " So is the will of the gentle and merciful goddess . " Everyone in the crowd looked around . A few scattered voices called out , " So is the will . " " Now , let us pray for the dead . " As the temple bells rang , Caden ran to the temple doors . He was the first one there , and held them open for Father Coteson . He smiled . " The goddess will reward you , my son . " Caden continued to hold the door open as the townsfolk drifted out . Father Coteson bid people fair well in the temple garden . Caden watched as everyone left . He grabbed Keilee by the elbow as she walked out with her father . Harron looked at Caden , and smiled . " Don 't worry , m ' boy . In two harvests , you 'll be able to make this town proud . " Keilee rolled her eyes and looked away . " I 'll do my best , Sir . " Harron mussed Caden 's hair . He walked over to speak wWritten by The author is currently living in Yamaguchi Prefecture , Japan . He started the outlining of the story while he was teaching English in South Korea . His first draft of " The Dragon Knights " was titled " Dragonslayers "
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I came across this poem a few years ago and it touched me deeply . I read it every year at this time . I hope that it will make us all pause a few minutes and think about what Christmas really means . Merry Christmas ! Full CircleBy Richard Paul EvansOur family gathers ' round open script , A Yule observance yearly kept , And reads the lines of Bible writ , The story that all year has slept . A mother - Mary - in travail , In search of place that she might birth , That sin and heartbreak not prevail , A son to bring into the earth . And as she crossedfrom door to door , A stranger inunwelcomed place , Rejection met with each implore , This small request fromHeaven 's face . And as we , this night , in our warm room , Two thousand years removed and safe , Condemn those who sent her away , Claim we 'd act different in their place . And as yet , we too must make this choice , As Christmas moves from inn to inn , If we will hear its gentle voice , And open up and let it in . For Christmas yearly asks of us , The question that it must impart , Will we grant access to our souls , Or is there room within our hearts ? We read of shepherds who , in kind , On darkened night watched o ' er their sheep , Then beckoned once left all behindTo find that holy child in sleep . At Christmas time we too are called , To leave our troubled lives of care , To set aside our burdened minds , With God and man our hearts to share . For Christmasyearly asks of us , That question senton angel wings , Is there stillroom withinour heartsTo leave our cares for loftier things ? We read of wise men , traveled far , Their gaze set on a bright new light , And lifted to exalted star , Inspired by that celestial sight . And Christmas too does ask of us , To raise our eyes to higher spheres , Believe the best in life and man , Embrace new hope , release our fears . And so this scripture read anewWas not just penned for days all past , With each new year our hearts renew , For this , of us , each Christmas asks . I love Thanksgiving : the preparation , the menu planning , the grocery shopping for all the fixings for dinner and the actual cooking . I start thinking about it in October and I even enjoy the waiting for the big day to arrive . I cook the same things my mother cooked in pretty much the same way that she cooked them . The stuffing or dressing as we call it in the South and the macaroni and cheese and the sweet potato casserole are all based on her original recipes . I 've modified them somewhat and try not to add as much butter but you can 't skimp too much or the taste just won 't be the same . As hard as I try to avoid fats , I just can 't bring myself to cook the fresh green beans without the bacon and the pecan pies definitely don 't qualify as health food . There are some things that are just too sacred to fool with and Thanksgiving dinner is one of them . I figure that avoiding all the bad stuff most of the year entitles me to eat however I want this one day . And actually , it 's not the eating as much as cooking it and putting it on the table for everyone else that I enjoy . I love when everyone sits around the kitchen and sniffs and carries on about how good it smells and how they can 't wait to eat . There 's chitchat about the parade and who 's been doing what and how the weather is cooperating so beautifully . This is what the whole thing is about to me . As I peel those ten pounds of white potatoes and ten pounds of sweet potatoes , I have a lot of time to reflect on the things that I am thankful for . The number one thing on my list is my family . I am very thankful that my sons and their families live nearby . It 's something that I am used to but definitely don 't take for granted . Being able to see and talk to them a few times a week is a wonderful thing . When my grandkids are in plays at school or playing some type of sport , I can be there . I think about how wonderful that it is that one of my sons can drop by to talk for a few minutes and I know that I am truly blessed and I 'm thankful everyday but on ThPosted by http : / / www . msnbc . msn . com / id / 27718900Tonight we witnessed an incredible event , the launching of the space shuttle Endeavor . What an amazing sight it was ! We watched from our dock on the small lake that we live on and the view was incredible . The shuttle came up over the trees across the lake and lit up the sky with its brilliance . It looked like a bright , flaming ball of fire as it sped across the sky . As it separated , it flashed even brighter . We were able to see it for several minutes as it made its way into outer space . The conditions were perfect for viewing the shuttles ' launching . You couldn 't have asked for a clearer sky and the stars and the full moon were the perfect co - stars to this phenomenal spectacle . It would have been impossible to see this without being in awe of the entire space program . It is one thing to read that we send astronauts into space but to see it left me feeling so proud of our country 's accomplishments and of the brave men and women who are willing to take this risk for science . We 've come so far since that first walk in space and one can only imagine what the future can bring . When I was young , we certainly didn 't think that in our lifetime on a clear , starlit night seven brave Americans would take off to a space station to do " home repairs " on a space station that houses astronauts for months at a time until their replacement arrives . This was the stuff that you saw in the movies and read in science fiction books and now it is reality . If I seem to be a little carried away with this " routine " flight tonight , it 's because I am . We need to have these moments when we recognize the good that is going on in our country and to reaffirm our faith hat we will persevere and continue to be a great nation . I can tell you as I stood out watching the moon reflect over the water and listened to the splashing of the occasional frog , I unabashedly felt like singing the Star Spangled Banner . I am proud to be an American and wish a safe journey to our men and women on the Endeavor anPosted by It 's almost time for school to start back here in South Florida . I can hardly believe it . Summer break just went fast this year and I didn 't do all the things that I had wanted to do with the grandkids . I usually have Nana camp the last week before school starts and all six are here most of the week at least during the day . Some of them stay overnight as well . At any rate , it 's usually a lot of fun and we don 't have any specific schedules . We swim and go out for lunch and sometimes to the Science Museum or to the movies . This year just didn 't work out and I 'm starting to realize that I miss it . I did spend a lot of time with them earlier in the summer and I 've had them a day here and there so it 's not like I haven 't seen them for sure . But the Nana camp was sort of tradition . Almost as soon as school was out , we took two of our grandsons , one seven and one five to Epcot for a couple of days . We had a blast . It was already hot so I didn 't want to spend all of the time in the parks so I made reservations at the Beach Club which is about five minutes walking distance from Epcot and a short boat ride from MGM or Hollywood Studios as it 's now called . We 've stayed at the Beach Club before and it 's a nice hotel with a good restaurant with a character breakfast and a really good seafood buffet with buckets of clams . The pool is the greatest with a huge slide and a sand bottomed pool with a lazy river ride . I found it to be the perfect spot for summer at Disney . Most important , the hotel has a terrific arcade . This is of course , a necessary amenity with kids even at a Disney resort . Our schedule was to be flexible but pretty much go to MGM the day we arrived and then Epcot the next day . I figured if we went early to the park and did all the rides and attractions that we wanted to do that we could go back to the hotel and spend the afternoon at the pool . MGM was great . We did all the things we wanted including the new attraction Toy Story Mania which was the most fun of all to me . You ride through andjune My husband and I took four of the grandkids up to a Disney Beach Resort last week for a few days . We go to Disney World several times a year because we 're only a couple of hours away and love their resorts so we thought it would be fun to go to their resort on the beach . It 's too hot for the parks for me but having the Disney characters for the kids seemed like a good plan . Besides , Disney resorts are typically great . I made the reservations a month or so ago and specifically requested adjoining rooms because we would have four children with us . I was assured that would not be a problem . When we arrived and went to check in , the clerk was a total ditz . She said that there was a situation and she didn 't want to be the one to tell me and she would get one of the managers , Buster or Bonnie . Dave came out to talk to us . He proceeded to tell me that there was a problem with the adjoining room and it would not be available until the next night and he would have to give us a room down the hall from the other one . " This is a problem , " I told him . " We have children too young to be in a room by themselves which is why I requested the adjoining room . " " Sorry , " Dave said . " There 's nothing I can do . The room needs some tile work and there 's no other room with an adjoining room . But , if it makes you feel better , we won 't charge you for the second room tonight and tomorrow we 'll move you into the adjoining one . Is that okay ? " Well , of course it wasn 't okay but we didn 't want to drive back home and disappoint the kids . Oh , did I mention that there was also a horrific thunderstorm in progress ? The lobby had wall to wall kids running everywhere and hula hooping and lying all over the floor . This was definitely going to be fun ! I waited for the ditz to get the keys for our rooms and after a few tries , she got them ready and then as a consolation prize , she handed the kids stickers of Mickey and pins that announced that this was their 1st Visit to Vero Beach Disney Resort . I saw the kids looking back aPosted by I guess I 'm going through my second childhood because I really get a kick out of playing video games especially Wii . That game system is so amazing . Two of my sons and their families have Wiis so I had played it several times and thought it would be fun to have one of my own . So , I started looking to find one . Not an easy task . Apparently , they were pretty easy to get until Wii Fit came out and then an entire new group of consumers joined the Wii craze . I started out by calling around at the usual places : Target , Wal - Mart , K - Mart but no luck so then I set out to the game stores . That 's a real experience going into those . There are some hardcore video players out there . It 's like a whole subculture that I didn 't know existed . When I stopped in one of the several game stores in my area , there would be these guys in their 30 's and 40 's in the store looking for some new game that was coming out and they were very serious about it . I had to go in a several times before I was lucky enough to get one and I saw some of the same guys in there every time . I started to wonder if they worked or just played games . I went in early one morning after they had just opened and they had one Wii left . Yay ! I got one ! I was so excited and couldn 't wait until I could get home and hook it up . When I got home there was a message from my daughter - in - law . I had asked what my granddaughter wanted for her birthday and she finally decided and my daughter - in - law called to tell me . Guess what she wanted ? Yep , a Wii . So , I put the newly purchased Wii in the closet to be wrapped . She also really wanted a Wii Fit so now I was in hot pursuit of a Wii Fit . Back to the game stores and no luck . No one knew when a shipment would arrive so I was told I 'd have to check back . After daily visits to all the abovementioned stores and the game stores , I decided to hit Toys " r " Us and it was my lucky day . They had received a shipment earlier that day and still had three . So I took one and tried to purchase another but they 'd only sell onejune Over the years , I have been late for work or appointments on occasion but I always have a really good excuse . Take this morning for example , I was late for my manicure appointment and I knew that my reason for being late was perfectly justified and totally unavoidable . I was brushing my teeth and buttoning up my jeans when my electric toothbrush fell out of my hands into the sink . It was running , of course , so it started spraying toothpaste and water everywhere and I was trying to get it and it splashed toothpaste into my eye . Funny , huh ? Well , it hurt like the devil . It was burning and I couldn 't see so by the time I got my eye rinsed out and reapplied my eye makeup , I was late . Of course , Mariella that does my nails understood and was sympathetic about my eye just like she was the time I had the problem with the bird . That time really was understandable . No one could be expected to leave home with an Anhinga sitting on their pool deck with a piece of fishing line wrapped around its beak . The poor thing was dancing all around and looked so pitiful . So , I called Animal Control and then followed their instructions about trying to secure the bird so they would come get it . They suggested that I use a recycling bin to place over the bird . Well , that sounded easy enough . Hah ! I emptied the recycling bin in the garage and very quietly went back out onto the patio and eased over to the end of the pool where the bird sat . Just as I went to put the bin over his head , he went ballistic on me and jumped into the pool . At this point , I should have let him drown because I don 't really like Anhingas anyway . They sit on the dock or the boat and poop all over the place while they dry out their wings . But I am an animal lover basically , so I figured I 'd get him out of the pool with the pool net . What a sight ! He swam to the opposite end of the pool as I ran back and forth chasing him like an idiot . If any of my neighbors across the lake were watching , they must have had a good laugh . I was really getting tired by now and surPosted by Every neighborhood has a house that seems to harbor some aura of mystery . Sometimes it 's unfounded and only the product of overactive imaginations but sometimes there is some force of evil that lives within . Often , the truth about what goes on inside such a house only comes to light too late . When I was a little girl , there was a house on our street that all the kids were afraid of . It was a really old two story house with clapboard siding that was peeling badly . The shutters were huge and the ones on the second story in the front of the house were usually closed . There was a fence around the house and a huge front porch that wrapped around the entire front . . The shrubs in the front of the house were overgrown and the grass was always high . At night the house was pitch dark except for the faint light you could see through the front windows . The house was so creepy and so sinister that you felt like it was watching you when you walked by . . During the day , you could occasionally see someone peering out the lace curtains at the windows downstairs but you couldn 't see their faces clearly . We knew that an old woman lived in the house with her son who was a little strange . Neither of them came out very often . They had their groceries delivered by Clarke 's Grocery on the corner . The kid that worked for the grocery store said that he had instructions to knock and leave the groceries at the front door . Back then it was very common to have an account with the grocery store and to call up and charge your groceries and have them delivered . One day my friend Kay and I were walking past the house and Calvin , the son , came from around the side of the house and yelled at us . We ran away screaming like two crazies . Later when we told the rest of the kids , they all wanted to go back to see if he would come out again . Kids are so daring . Kay and I were afraid to go back there so we went home . That night around 7 : 00 , there was a knock at the front door . My mother answered and it was Timmy 's mother . Timmy was one of the kids thatPosted by When I was about eight years old , we moved across town to a different neighborhood . I didn 't know anyone and spent the first few weeks playing by myself . I rarely ventured away from the front porch but one day I walked down the street . The neighborhood was made up of mainly Victorian style houses , all two story wood framed houses most of which were painted white and had extensive gingerbread trim . They all had huge wrap around front porches and the street was lined with ancient oak trees . It was a very pretty street and most of the houses were very nice . Some of the houses like the one we lived in was so large that it had been divided into apartments . One house on the street , however , was very dark looking . It needed painting and it looked like no one lived there . I stopped in front of the house and looked at it through the picket fence wondering why someone would leave a house to deteriorate like that . About that time , I heard a soft voice , " Hello , come here . I 'm so glad that you came to play . " I looked up and saw a girl about my age with the prettiest golden blonde hair I had ever seen . It was in long curls and tied with a blue ribbon that matched the dress that she was wearing . I thought to myself , " She must be going to a party ; she 's dressed up so pretty . " I wasn 't one for dresses but even I had to admit that the dress was beautiful . It was blue and long with a white pettifore over it . I had never seen anyone dressed like that but she did look lovely . I opened the gate and walked over to the side porch where she sat and said , " Hey , why are you dressed up so in the middle of the day ? Are you going to a party ? " She laughed and said , " Of course not . This is my day clothes . You 're funny . What 's your name ? My name 's Rebecca . " I told her my name was Mary and I had just moved in down the street . She clapped her hands and said , " I 'm so happy that you are here . I 've been so lonely and no one has come to play in such a long time . Come inside and we 'll go up to my room to play . I have lotPosted by Today 's my older brother 's birthday so of course I 've been thinking about him . He lives in Georgia and I 'm in South Florida so I only see him a couple of times a year . I call him pretty often so we keep in touch . But , when I really start to think about him and our relationship I have only one point of reference that really matters to me and that goes back to our childhood . My mother had to work because she was the sole support of the family so my brother was left to keep an eye on me . Mother left for work really early so my brother was supposed to get up and get me up and make sure that I got ready for school and of course ate breakfast . Not so difficult one would think but I was a brat . I didn 't know it at the time of course but thinking back now , I 'm surprised my brother didn 't kill me . The first thing that happened every morning was my hair was in knots all over my head and I would scream and carry on about brushing it . My poor brother would be left to try to get the knots untangled but invariably ended up pulling out half my hair in the process . I was mean as a snake in the morning and didn 't cooperate in the least . If my brother was lucky , I would drink some coffee and then I was a little nicer . I was seven and there were no Starbucks so he would boil water for me to have some instant coffee . I 'm thinking about now that he was way too nice to me . Once this ordeal was past and I had dressed , he would try to hurry me along so we wouldn 't be late for school . I would put up a fight every morning and try to get out of going but he managed to get me there . Unfortunately , he couldn 't make sure that I stayed . He would walk me to my class and see me inside and then go upstairs to his classroom . I would wait for a few minutes and if it was a morning when Mrs . Oliver , my second grade teacher , was out of the class for some reason , I would sneak out and leave the school and walk the seven blocks to where my mother worked at the dry cleaners . I can 't even imagine now what it must have been like for myPosted by Sara jumped when Mrs . Anderson , the librarian , walked up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder and said , " You have to leave now , I need to lock up . " As she gathered up her things , Sara glanced up at the huge clock that hung next to the entrance door and saw that it was after six . Then she looked out the huge windows overlooking the river and noticed that it was dark and there was fog starting to settle on top of the murky water . " How did I manage to sit here for so long , " Sara wondered . She knew that by the time she walked the four blocks to her bus stop and then made the long ride home that it would be 8 : 30 or later . Her mother would be worried again . The last of her things shoved inside her backpack , Sara headed out the door onto the upper level of Factor 's Walk . At that point she really had planned to run the four blocks and try to catch the 6 : 30 bus but then she heard the tug boat and knew that she wouldn 't make the 6 : 30 bus . She rushed down the walkway and headed for the steep stairs leading down to River Street . Hearing the horn on the tug boat Sara knew that a ship was headed into port and she wanted to watch it go by . She had sat all afternoon at the library and not a single ship had come through . Sara loved the huge cargo ships and loved to stand and fantasize about what part of the world they had travelled from and the lives of the men on board . The ships were the big reason that she came down to the library almost every day . She would sit in front of the big windows in the library snuggled in one of the huge overstuffed chairs and dream of going to all the exotic places the ships would travel to . Reading was of course the other draw to this cozy little branch of the library . Sara loved to read more than anything . She could read for hours and did . Most nights she stayed up until midnight or later reading some mystery or love story . The next morning she would be dragging when her clock went off and she had to get up for school but in her backpack were five new books . That should keep her busPosted by I 've loved Southern cemeteries since I was a young girl . There 's just something about them that I find intriguing . I 've been to cemeteries in lots of other places but most seem very cold and not a place you 'd want to stay for long . In the South , we visit cemeteries even if we don 't have anyone buried there . We go and walk through them and look at the names and admire the headstones . It 's really rather bizarre if you think about it but seems perfectly natural to those who do it . Quirkiness is quite common in the South . We make cemetery visits to pay respects to family members when we go to Savannah but occasionally we 'll visit some of the other cemeteries just because they are so beautiful . We were in Savannah recently and found ourselves out driving near Bonaventure Cemetery and decided to visit . My younger brother is buried at the adjoining cemetery and we had gone to visit there so we were in the neighborhood . Even the drive in is beautiful . There are huge oak trees lined with Spanish moss hanging down like massive beards on an old man . The cemetery is on a bluff overlooking a river and there are benches by the water to sit and relax . I don 't think I 've ever been there that there weren 't several people just sitting and looking out over the bluff at the river . Occasionally a boat will come by and the people on board will wave as they pass . Bonaventure Cemetery is very old and over the years the trees have become monstrous in size . They provide shade and also provide homes to the many squirrels that live there . I 've wondered what the squirrels get to see at night when the place is so dark . Do you suppose the residents come out to play ? I 've wondered about that as I 've walked through during the day and I 've decided I might not like it as well at night . The Colonial Cemetery downtown dates back to the early settling of Savannah . It 's a treasure trove for history buffs looking to do tracings of old headstones . The story is that during the siege of Savannah by the Union army during the Civil WPosted by Carly jumped as the clock struck six . She had been lost in her thoughts , thinking about the details for the party later that night . Halloween was her favorite holiday and she wanted everything to be perfect . Her costume was laid out on the bed . Afraid of messing it up , she wanted to wait until the last minute to put it on . Her make up looked perfect . She could hardly believe that she looked like a dead person but that was what she had wanted to achieve . Carly was planning to be a bride . . . . . a dead bride . She still wasn 't sure why but she had gotten the idea when she found the wedding dress in an old thrift shop downtown a few weeks ago . That was when she decided to have the party . Later , she was surprised at her own self because having parties was not her thing . But something happened when she picked up the beautiful old wedding dress . It was in remarkably good shape to be so old and it fit her perfectly . Tom , her boyfriend , had agreed although somewhat reluctantly to dress like the groom of the dead bride . " We 'll be the talk of the town in these costumes , " she thought smiling to herself . For some reason it brought her a lot of pleasure to imagine their being bride and groom even if it was just for the party . In reality , she knew that Tom had been seeing other women and she was hurt over it but felt helpless to do anything about it . He didn 't know that she knew and Carly wanted to keep it that way . If he cared about her , he would have to decide on his own to date only her . As she walked through the house Carly clicked off the items on her list . The food was out and looked delicious , the bar was stocked and the candles were lit and provided just the eerie look that she wanted . Her little cottage had been transformed into a " haunted house " , cobwebs and all . As the clock stuck seven , Carly smiled thinking that even the clock added to the creepy ambiance that she wanted to set for the party . Walking back up the stairs Carly had no idea how creepy things would get before the night was over . She slipped on the wedding dressPosted by Today 's September 11th and I am reminded of the sadness that I have felt since that day seven years ago for the families that have had to go on without their loved ones . Like so many , I think about the shock of realizing that day that we had been attacked . I remember being afraid and having this horrible ache inside that just wouldn 't go away . And then I remember getting mad and feeling the need to strike back . I think the anger was necessary in the beginning to keep from giving way to the fear . And then I remember feeling pride in our country and knowing that we had come from good stock and that we would get through this . I had always been patriotic but what I now felt was much stronger and much deeper . I felt that I had taken being an American for granted and now I needed to step up to the plate and show my appreciation for living in a country that offered the freedoms that we have grown accustomed to . This was the first time that I felt the debt of those who fought to give us that freedom weighing heavily on my shoulders . I 'd like to say that I 've done remarkable things since that realization but in fact I 've simply changed the way I live my life . I 've always been generous with money and willing to donate to worthy causes . Now I feel that I also have to be generous in spirit and with my words and my time . I no longer hold grudges and forgiving people for any injustices ( both real and perceived ) is so easy now . I simply get up every day and start over . I 've learned tolerance where I didn 't have a lot before . None of this may seem to have anything to do with what happened that day but somehow in my mind being thankful and tolerant and compassionate seemed to be my way of proving that terrorists couldn 't destroy our way of life . It was my way of fighting back . Their hatred of us is what drove them to commit such heinous acts . Hating them back couldn 't be the answer for me . I played around with poetry when I was a teenager because I think it was a necessary outlet for all those emotions that we go through as teens buPosted by
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Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : It is September 25th , 2010 , and this is Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , the Coordinator for the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History interviewing Barbara Osborne in her home . Barbara , your family came to Oak Ridge from Michigan in 1949 . What was your family doing prior to arriving in Oak Ridge and why did you move to Oak Ridge ? Mrs . Osborne : We lived in Birmingham , Michigan , where my father worked either in Detroit or in Pontiac , depending on the office that he was in . After the war , the jobs were all given to the veterans , where he had not been allowed to go into the military because his work was too important , so he had to find another job . This is just - they said it wasn 't fair , but this sort of thing just happened . A friend of his who was in Oak Ridge wrote him and said come and apply for a particular job that was open here . So he came down , applied for the job , got it and came back and moved us to Tennessee . We had never - I had never been out of the state of Michigan before , so it was very different . I heard all sorts of wild tales from kids at school and wild tales about what Oak Ridge was going to be like : mud and people making booze in the bathtub . And part of this was true . Mud was true , but the other I never found . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : [ laughter ] What are your memories ? You came to Oak Ridge when you were in high school , and then right after you moved here , the city gates opened . What are your memories of the opening of the city gates and the parade ? Mrs . Osborne : Oh , huge crowds ! I think the only people that I know of that weren 't there were the rest of my family . I 'm the only one from my family that went to the parade , and I don 't know why they didn 't go . I guess they just didn 't want to get stuck in a crowd . But I went down , and I was standing in front of the old Jackson Square Post Office watching these movie stars go by , and they looked so glamorous , and it was just excitement . I had watched Queen for a Day , which you 're way too young to know about , so seeing Jack Bailey in person was really exciting , and of course Rod Cameron was every bit as gorgeous as he was on the screen , to say nothing of Marie McDonald , and she had a beautiful fur coat on . That was when it was okay to have a fur coat . So it was just really , really exciting . And the bands were good , and , you know , just everything , the whole atmosphere was just wonderful . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I 'd never heard a real southern accent before , and I 'd never heard an East Tennessee accent . And a lot of them had never heard a Michigan accent , which I had never thought of as being an accent . The first day I was in school here , I could not understand anything anybody said - any of the students said to me . I could understand the teachers , but I couldn 't understand the students . So when I was being shown around the school by one of the girls , I never did understand where she said the lunchroom was , and so the first day I went without eating lunch because I was too embarrassed to ask , try to ask anybody else , " Where do I go to find the cafeteria ? " Because I just simply couldn 't understand what they were saying to me , and I was scared to death , and you know , just your usual teenage angst I guess . Mrs . Osborne : Back then , not everybody had a car like they do now , because there wasn 't much of any place to go except the Snow White Drive - In , which was the headquarters for all dating purposes at that point . If you had a date , you usually wound up there getting something to eat , and if you didn 't have a date , you wound up there with friends , driving around to see who did have a date [ laughter ] , and that 's just where it was happening at this point , which is very - it 's so much like Happy Days , to be honest , and so peacefully innocent compared to today 's happenings , I think . If somebody drank , it was a big thing , not a common thing . You know , it was just , " Oh , what a terrible boy that must be . " You certainly never wanted to date anybody like that , where , I don 't know , standards seem to have changed a whole lot . Mrs . Osborne : Well , they brought it in with them , however they could . There were people that made regular runs over to North Carolina to try to furnish alcohol for a party , and they would cover up the stuff in their trunk however they could , hide it under spare tires , I don 't know . One of the stories was about hiding the bottles of liquor under a sleeping baby in a baby bed in the back seat of the car , and of course you didn 't want to disturb the baby by searching under there , so they managed - I don 't know if the child , how the child could sleep on top of it , but obviously it must have been well padded . And supposedly that really happened . But some people got caught and they got in serious trouble , and some people didn 't get caught . I imagine it depended on whoever was the guard at the gate or whether or not you happened to know the guard at the gate , you know , just all sorts of things go into this . Mrs . Osborne : There were buses , and it cost ten cents , and they went all over town , and you could transfer from one bus to another . So I could go home - I walked to school from where I lived , but I could go home with my friends by just having a dime and getting on the bus with them and go and spend the afternoon at someone 's home , even if they lived out on the west end of town . So that made it very simple . Mrs . Osborne : They did , yes . I did more of that when I became a senior in high school . I was extra young as a junior and probably the youngest person in the class , so my parents were very strict with me and I didn 't do a lot of that , but later on , yes , I can remember going to see Rock City , and going to Big Ridge , going swimming and being in a canoe that got turned over , and you know , the guy lost his shoes [ laughter ] , but he learned to never dive out of a canoe . Mrs . Osborne : And that 's where we had senior skip day back then . That was before it got dangerous . It 's probably in the last five year period before it got dangerous . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . So , that 's when the school started really , you know , everybody had to do - if you went anywhere , it was by bus with the whole group doing the same thing , and we went to Big Ridge for senior skip day . I remember senior skip day . I loved that place . It was a lot of fun back then . Mrs . Osborne : As a matter of fact , I was involved in Bridge Club , and I didn 't even know how to play bridge . I was involved in Maskers also ; I was in several plays , and scared to death to stand up in front of an audience , but determined to try to get over it . And I played the mother . Only one time did I ever get to play a romantic lead . The rest of the time , I was always cast as the mother or the friend or something like this . Mrs . Osborne : I really can 't . I can remember the name of - the only time that I played the romantic lead - who played opposite me , and that was the drum major at that time , Bob Barrett . And I remember my name when I was somebody 's mother . I was Mrs . Chickester . But what was the name of the play ? Mrs . Osborne : My father said , " Get a job . " And he , either he or my mother , found out that the drug store that they got their prescriptions filled at , Elm Grove Drug Store , was looking for a counter clerk , and so I went down there and applied for a job , and they hired me , and I worked there that summer , and if ever a job made you appreciate what a college education could do for you , that was it . It was so hot ; there was no air conditioning , and you were on your feet the whole time and busy the whole time you were there . I was the soda jerk . I made wonderful milkshakes and sodas and , you know , all kinds of things . And [ I was ] very carefully watched by the man who owned the store to make sure I didn 't put an extra scoop of ice cream in any of my friends ' things . So , you know , I was honest to a T , absolutely , or honest to a fault , I guess is the term . And he wound up really liking me and asking my parents as I went off to college , you know , " When is Barbara coming home ? I want her to work on such - and - such a weekend ; I 'm having a sale , " or , " When , " you know , " Can she come back then ? Can she work over Christmas ? " This type of thing . So he liked me and I liked the fact that I didn 't have to do that for a living . Mrs . Osborne : Just turned seventeen during the summer . So off I went to Tennessee Wesleyan , and the minister , our minister from First Methodist Church took me and got me registered . He got my parents to say - give me permission to go . And moved into this very old dorm with a dried up little old lady dorm mother , and I wound up becoming the only - there were only two of us that started - we started in the winter quarter , because it took the minister that long to get my parents to give me permission to go . They just didn 't want me to leave that soon . And so only two of us started school in the winter quarter . So she was my roommate , the other girl , and she lasted two weeks and went home . So I was the only person in the entire school with no roommate , and that 's kind of a lonesome way to be . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : So what was that like ? Did you live in your room , or did you have a sleeping porch ? What was that like ? Mrs . Osborne : No , you lived in your room , and the rules there were very different from what they are now . Your parents had to sign a paper saying you could get in a car or you couldn 't get in a car . My parents refused to sign saying I could get in a car , so therefore I was not allowed to ride with anybody anywhere . They also - the dorm mother came around and made sure that you - or tried to make sure that you cleaned your room every week , and that your bed was made every day , and I was one of the biggest problems , because I decided to rebel on all the things I had been taught at home , and never make the bed and never clean the room . My parents got quite a few phone calls that year about their rebellious daughter [ laughter ] . But I joined the Tennessee Wesleyan Choir , and got some absolutely marvelous experience there and wonderful praise from the choir director , who was a real stickler . He kept saying things like , " If there are any more altos like you in Oak Ridge , send them to me ! " So I really enjoyed that and we did different shows . I worked in Maskers there at Wesleyan . The choir went on choir trips singing at churches around in different parts of Tennessee . We sang with the Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra on Beethoven 's 9th Symphony . What else did we do , things that were big time for me at that point ? It was just lots of fun . Oh , yeah , we put on Sigmund Romberg 's The Desert Song , and I learned to love Sigmund Romberg 's music through that , which I still have , a love for his music . But that was a terrific experience , the music part . And I started taking Botany because my father insisted I had to take a science ; I had to major in a science . So that was my way of rebelling against , you know , not taking any of the , what I consider the harder sciences , Chemistry or Biology or something . Botany , I was doing it my way , which is very silly . There were no jobs in botany , or at least very few , but I didn 't really care ; I was just having fun . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds like it . So after college , you moved back to Oak Ridge and got a job here . Where did you work and what was it like to work there ? Mrs . Osborne : I actually didn 't finish college . My father had me drop out after two years because I failed typing . I couldn 't stay awake ; it was at eight o ' clock in the morning , and I didn 't go to bed early enough to . I would just be so bored I would sit there and go to sleep with my hands on the keyboard . You don 't pass doing things like that . So he was really upset with me after being an extremely good scholar all my life , to fail a typing course . And so he made me go to Knoxville Business College and get a steno degree and then get a job . So after - I spent a year or nine months over in Knoxville , going to Knoxville Business College , hating every minute of it , and then I applied at the plants , which were run by Union Carbide at that point , and they started giving me all kinds of tests when I went in for filling out - I took the usual typing test and shorthand and then they started having me take some other tests , and I could not understand why . Then they called me to say I had been hired to work at X - 10 to be a computer operator on the first computer to be in the Southeast . I had no idea what they were talking about , because I 'd never heard of a big computer - a little handheld calculator , maybe , or a tabletop calculator , not handheld back then , but not a computer . And I went home and told my father and mother this and my father just about jumped out of his chair , he was so excited , because he knew all about this . Being in the Budget Division of AEC , he knew what the thing had cost and all about the logistics of it , the whole thing , and he just thought that was the most exciting thing and the fact that his daughter was going to be working on it , which was the most exciting thing he ever heard of . So I was hired to be a computer operator on the ORACLE , which was the first large computer in the entire Southeast . It was built in Argonne and then shipped down to X - 10 for the Math Panel at that point , and for the rest of the people at the lab to use , but it was going to be run by the Math Panel . ADr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds a little frustrating . Mrs . Osborne : It was frustrating , but that 's how everything starts . And it was exciting . I loved it . I loved learning about it , I loved working on it , and the more I worked on it , the more I wanted to do , so I wound up finally not being an operator . They hired some young men for that , and I was changed to becoming a programmer for the ORACLE . Now , the ORACLE stood for Oak Ridge Automatic Computer and Logical Engine . That 's O - R - A - C - L - E , yeah . And that 's what it stood for , and that was before FORTRAN , before any of the early languages . So people out there were writing subroutines ; we were shifting binary bits back and forth to do everything , to do additions , subtractions , multiplications , writing little routines to accomplish what people later accomplished in one word or one bit or this type of thing . So it was a very exciting time , and I thoroughly enjoyed a lot of that . Met a lot of people . Mrs . Osborne : Well , in my office , it was quiet , but when I worked on the computer , I was sitting at the console of this enormous machine that was probably , golly , I don 't think it was as big as a football field , but it was close to it , and it was just banks and banks and banks of these cathode ray tubes , with this enormous console in front of it . At least compared to what they are now , it was enormous . And where you 're flipping all kinds of little toggle switches and doing all sorts of things , and you 're working with all the best minds in the laboratory who were coming to put problems on and doing different things . And you 're sitting in front of a huge , great big plate glass window , which , seeing as I was twenty - one and single was kind of exciting , because everybody that I worked with had a single friend , it seemed like , and they were all walking by with their single friends and saying , " Would you like to meet her ? " So it was like being in show business almost . Mrs . Osborne : I was the only one right then , yes , for the first year . Now , there were women on the Math Panel , but they were definitely mathematicians , and I was not a mathematician at that point . I just sort of moved into that later . And evidently it was the test that they gave me that showed that I could do this or could handle it , that this was one of my strengths , so I always thought , how nice , had no idea what I was doing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , well , a lot of air conditioning . Very , very definitely a lot of air conditioning . And they checked whole banks of the tubes every single morning . The computer was down every morning for maintenance , and they would discover that something - there 'd been one tube blinking the day before , so who knows . At first it didn 't even run at night , you know , there wasn 't the need for it . And then as they began to find more uses for it and more uses for it , they started doing things at night out there , and I can remember riding out there at night with some physicists to help them with their programs , run them , and getting stopped by some of the , well , they were the guards there back by the plants , because physicists were not necessarily great drivers , the ones that were really good at some of the other things , at least these particular ones . They were brilliant men , and I 'm not saying that about all physicists , but we used to , as a young woman , we used to group them . Physicists were the ones that walked into doors and walked into people and this type of thing . Mrs . Osborne : And I married a physicist who never walks into doors or walks into people . I thought he was an engineer because he was just so neat and everything . But , yeah , we used to definitely pigeonhole the guys that walked down the hall to get coffee : " Oh yeah , that 's a chemist , you can tell , " or you 'd see him hit that wall , " He 's a physicist , " or - this sort of thing . It was a good place to be young . Mrs . Osborne : Well , the head of the Math Panel was a well known mathematician who wrote books and whatnot , Austin Householder , and he was one of the shyest men you 've ever seen in your life . He might have been a brilliant mathematician ; he was a brilliant mathematician . I can remember trying to read something that he had written one time and just , it was so far over my head , it was ridiculous . So he was definitely brilliant . But then there was a - several , what I would call big time - they became like vice presidents or assistant directors of the lab or something like this . I did meet Alvin Weinberg a time or two . And then there was Bob Sharpie , who was an assistant director , and he was an interesting man . He wound up becoming the head of some big company here in the United States , and , you know , multi - millionaire type person , becoming very well known . But at that point , he was just , what I thought was an extremely egotistical , hard to get along with person , who was an authority on a lot of things . And there was a program going on on television at that time called The $ 64 , 000 Question . There was a young high school girl who was on this show who was doing very , very well , and I can 't remember what her exact deal was , that you picked the field you want the questions in . When you got to the $ 64 , 000 question , which was the top one , you could have an authority come in and help you with it , and she picked Bob Sharpie to be her authority to come in . So we were - everybody in Oak Ridge was glued to the T . V . , if they had one back then , to watch that . And they won the $ 64 , 000 , she did . So he invited her and her parents to come and tour X - 10 , and I have a picture of them . And she 's just a normal looking girl , wearing glasses , everything - but obviously she was going to wind up being extremely good at whatever science she went into , and I never knew whatever happened to her . I hope she was a real success . But it was interesting to see , you know . Mrs . Osborne : First week . We were taking a bus - there was a bus that ran out to the lab - and so because you didn 't have a car you rode the bus . And when I went down to the bus stop , there were two of my friends from high school waiting for the same bus . So we were standing there talking and up came this nice young man to talk to one of the girls that I 'd gone to school with , and she introduced him to me , and it turned out that he was dating her at that point , or had had a couple of dates with her . And I thought he was really cute . And that was how I met him . And then we had all been asked to be ushers at an Oak Ridge Playhouse play later in the week , so we decided , well , we would - definitely none of us have a date for that , we would all do something together afterwards . So my parents dropped me off at the play . Actually the plays were at the Oak Ridge High School Auditorium right then , which was the old one up on Kentucky Avenue , and when I got there , I found out every other - there were four of us as usherettes at that point - the other three had each gotten a date . I 'm the only one that turned a date down and didn 't have one . So they were all going somewhere afterwards and I was not . Fortunately , friends of my parents were there at the play and gave me a ride home . But Morris always said - Morris was the date for this one girl , and he always said he felt so sorry for me standing there that he decided he wanted to ask me for a date . So I think I was his pity date [ laughter ] . Mrs . Osborne : But he never would ask me for a date far enough in advance . He would , you know , say , " How about could you go out , " he 'd call on Friday , " Could you go out with me on Monday night ? " Well , I already had a date Monday night . He had to call earlier than that . So after he asked me twice for a date and I turned him down each time , he said he wasn 't going to call me again , but I suggested what about such - and - such a night , when I was free , and so we went out then and that was the start of something that never stopped . By the fourth date , I knew that he was going to be the one that was going to - I was going to fall in love with him and make a big difference in my life . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , he was president of the Young Adult Fellowship at First Methodist Church , and I had always been very active in church . I was going to Kern Methodist Church at that point because it was closer to my home . So we had that and the fact that we both worked at X - 10 and we were both going to school at night and we both liked to go to the swimming pool . We did a lot of going to the swimming pool on weekends , and going up to the Smokies and driving around or hiking or both , having picnics on weekends , also . And we were both small town . In fact , he was even smaller : he 'd lived on a farm all his life . So it was definitely a reciprocating thing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , it was a very small wedding . Morris was in the process of doing some experiments with his job in solid state physics at that point , so we had to time the wedding between experiments . Because when an experiment was running , somebody had to be out there with it at night , and because the other people that were working on it all had families , he was the one that would be out with it at night . And a new husband doesn 't necessarily want to be spending the night out with an experiment . So we got married on a weekend that was at the end of one experiment and before the next one started , so we could have a honeymoon in there . And we had a very small wedding at Kern Methodist Church at eleven o ' clock in the morning , because that was before air conditioned churches , and it was in July and hot as blazes . Everything stuck to you because it was just so hot . It was mainly the people I worked with and the people he worked with and some of the people from church and friends of my parents and a few of our friends , mutual friends , and we had a reception downstairs , with just cake and punch and nuts and mints . That 's what used to be - you know , I can remember it cost ten dollars for the flowers . It cost ten dollars for the cake , because the lady that made the cake was just going into the business and that 's what she charged for this lovely cake . And a friend went over to Farmer 's Market and bought the flowers over in Knoxville and then decorated the church with them and then carried them downstairs for the reception . And I mean , it was - we got married - I used to say we got married on a dime and that was just about it . So , that 's why we had a big fiftieth wedding anniversary , because we had such a small wedding . But it certainly lasted . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , they threw the paper chad from the tapes , from all - typing all those tapes for the computer . They 'd been bagging up all those tiny , tiny little bits of paper that came out , and they were sort of a greasy paper , oily , and they had bags full of the stuff . It looked like it was just pouring rain when they were throwing this . And it got - the best man drove us away from the wedding in his mother 's car , and the car just got plastered with this stuff , and his mother never could get it completely cleaned out . [ laughter ] She wound up trading cars , I understand . And I was wearing a big white lace hat when I left on the honeymoon , and it was just full of these bits of little tiny round bits of paper chad , you know . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . Let 's see , when the children - we had three children , and I quit work when I was expecting the first child because I was having a lot of problems , so - and at that time , you stayed home with your children . You didn 't go back to work unless you were really an expert at something . And I was certainly not an expert at anything . So I stayed home as a mother , and then sixteen months later I had a second child , and then three years later I had a third child . So I was pretty busy . I stayed home until the third child went off to school . So when he went to school , I went back to work as an instructional aide at Linden School , was hired by the principal there that had been there for many , many years , and was just a wonderful lady . Mrs . Osborne : Around ' 65 , ' 66 , something like that . And so I worked there half - time as an instructional aide , so I was home when the children were home , and I could either drive them to school or pick them up from school and bring them home depending on whether I worked mornings or afternoons . I worked in third grade at least three of the years , and I worked in sixth grade one year . Got to go to Tremont with the sixth graders and teach crafts , which was - that was a wonderful week . It was one of the most enjoyable weeks of my life . I 'd been to Tremont as a mother , but to go as an instructor was even more fun . So I did that and I left Linden School because my husband was picked by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission to go to Germany as a guest scientist for two years to work at Kernforschungszentrum outside of Karlsruhe , West Germany . And so we moved the three children and our dog over there for two years , which was not an easy thing to do at that point . Our oldest son was a senior at high school , our daughter was a sophomore , and our youngest child was sixth grade . Mrs . Osborne : This was , you know , we went over in 1975 , so yeah . I 'm sorry , I must have gone back to work - I did not go back to work when I said I did . I must have gone back to work about ' 70 . Ah , okay , that makes a difference , yeah , sorry about that . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's all right . Was it hard to - you said you brought your dog over to Germany . Was that hard to do back then , or was it easy ? Mrs . Osborne : If you brought an animal in , it would be put to death . And so we were just terrified about what was going to happen to our dog , which - he was a member of our family , definitely . We 'd had his mother before him and had him since he was born . And I can remember when we got off the plane in London , we could see his crate being unloaded , and we were just sitting in there watching to see what they were going to do with it . And when we saw it go onto the plane going to Germany , that was such a relief . I don 't know what we would have done if they hadn 't done that . But they were having an outbreak of rabies in England at the time , and that 's why they had just shut down everything completely . But that was terrifying . And the children were already so upset about going that that 's all they needed was to find out that the dog might be missing when we got there . And there were people - when we got to Germany , I remember seeing , there were some animal crates going around , empty , on the carousel . Fortunately , ours still had a dog in it . Mrs . Osborne : And he was so glad to get out of there . But that was the hardest - they would not , back then , they wouldn 't allow animals up in the plane . He had to be down in baggage , which was not heated really or air conditioned or - you know , it was just really , really bad . So we were lucky he survived . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , very much so . Our dog had so many friends over there . We had friends that Morris knew from work there that wanted to keep him for every trip we went on , and we would come back - he was a dachshund , just a regular sized dachshund , and we tried to keep him fairly sleek , because they do have back troubles , and every time we came back from a trip , he would be just like a football . Mrs . Osborne : Stuffed to the gills , round as all get out , and have garlic breath from all the wurst that they 'd been feeding him . He just loved those German friends and they loved him . Oh boy , " He is just such a good dog , he just loves staying with us . " Yes , he did . He got spoiled rotten . And we 'd have to run him all over the place to get him slimmed down again , get him back on dog food . And , " I don 't know why you feed him dog food . He really likes salami better . " Well , yes , he does . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , the weather . It got dark so early . It would be , in the wintertime , it would be dark - by the time our children got off the school bus , it was already dark . So playing outside , there wasn 't any such thing . And it was dark when they left for school in the morning . Just all kinds of things like this . And where we were , we didn 't have a lot of snow . The temperature 's something like Oak Ridge , except a little bit more - it rained every single day , and you didn 't have the sunny days . Like , Oak Ridge is wonderful in that we have these beautiful sunny days in the middle of winter that just restores your faith in humanity and life . Everybody needs this , and in Germany you did not have this . It was just gray , day after day after day . Of course they had lots of celebrations and lots of parties and Fasching was huge , huge . Fasching was a time of parades everywhere and lots of people dressing up and we went to special Fasching parades and villages over there where they had people all dressed up in these very old masks , witch masks , wooden ones , and went around dressed as witches and poked their brooms at the dog - you took your dog everywhere in Germany - and would give out candy to the children , you know , scare them and then give them candy , this type of thing . Everything was just so different and it was so clean over there ; it was wonderful . You were responsible for keeping the street in front of your house clean , and I was responsible for keeping the stairs and the landing - we were on the second floor of a house , where we were living , and I was responsible for keeping that mopped . Now , some things were very , very hard . The German washing machines back then - this was in the days of polyester , and a lot of our clothes were polyester , and the German washing machines started with cold water , heated the water up to boiling , took like two hours to do a load and sort of boiled the clothes , so what happened to polyester was terrible . We did not ever buy a German washing machine . We wound up Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . So did your children enjoy school in Germany and did they learn German ? Mrs . Osborne : Our daughter did and our youngest son wound up enjoying it . Our oldest son did not . He just couldn 't make it . We had assured him that if he would just try , that if he couldn 't make the switch , we would send him back to graduate with his class here , because he was a senior in high school . And he just could not make the change . So we sent him back to Oak Ridge by himself just about New Year 's . He had to be back for a whole semester in order to graduate with his class at Oak Ridge High School . So some friends of ours that had a daughter his age had said he could stay with them . He didn 't know them that well , but he came back and stayed with them . It was very , very hard on him . I would never do that again . I don 't know how we would handle it if it ever came up again , but that was , for him , it was a bad , bad year . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , it is too bad . The other two wound up making a switch . Linda wound up becoming very good in German and Paul wound up enjoying himself . Now they were going to an American school on the Army base . We had promised them - there was no school that taught in English around there , and we only had six weeks notice that we were going to be going , moving over , so we had no time to learn the language ahead of time . So we had assured them that they would be going to a school where they would be taught in English . So they went to a military school , which was a terrible school . It was not a good one at all . After going to the Oak Ridge schools , it was a real , real letdown . The first class we ever took our oldest son into , it was an English class , and there were guys sitting in there reading comic books , getting credit for reading comic books , and David had been in advanced classes at Oak Ridge High School . Mrs . Osborne : So the teacher just said to us , " Get him out of here as fast as you can ; send him home . " So that 's another reason that he wound up going home . So he did okay scholastically , but emotionally it was just really not good . He was too young to be away from the family . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . It was not easy . They spoke English to him and spoke German to each other , so that he had to really learn fast and try to get really good in order to know what was going on , and it was not easy for him , either . We were the first of several families that were sent over for this project , and it was a project to have the - like , Morris was supposed to be working with people over there who were working on the same type of thing that he had been working on here at the lab , so that they didn 't have to duplicate the same experiments and whatnot . They could share information back and forth , which obviously makes sense financially as well as other ways , so that 's what it was all about , and we learned a whole lot by being over there , found out how insulated we had been living in our little puddle here in Oak Ridge , that we thought we were big time stuff because there were people here from all over the world and actually we weren 't all that big time stuff . When you get out in the world , you find out . So we learned a lot of different - did lots and lots of traveling , went to Holland and Belgium and Spain and Egypt and Italy , and we have all the usual things : got robbed in Italy , got sick in Spain . And went to Czechoslovakia , which was a closed - in country back then and that was on a - actually , we joined a military tour , or one that was sponsored by the officers ' wives club , this sort of thing , so it was very inexpensive . And did the same thing - went to London . I took the kids and went to London for three or four days and went to the ballet and just did all kinds of - the museums and whatnot . Just did a lot of things so that they had all kinds of advantages over people that never get to do any of these things . And I had all kinds of advantages this way . I loved the traveling . I loved going to different castles and seeing all the churches and the age of the cities . Like , they 'd be having their thousand year anniversary . And that 's when the United States was having its two - hundredth . Mrs . Osborne : We were having a really big celebration and everything , and Elvis Presley died while we were over there , and that was a big thing in Germany , too . I was just amazed at how much the Germans loved him . But he had been in Germany when he was in the military . And I was in a German American woman 's club in which we had a little cooking group of eight ladies , and we took turns cooking . The American ladies would cook one month and the German ladies would cook the next month , and then exchange recipes and whatnot . Jimmy Carter was elected president while we were over there and he had cheese grits . Well , they had never heard of cheese grits , and they wanted to know what they were , so we fixed a brunch for the ladies in our group , the German ladies , in which we fixed cheese grits and sausage balls and eggs and this sort of thing , like you would have a southern - and biscuits and whatnot . And they did things like - everything that they did had lots of liquor in it . We had Black Forest cake , which has a whole bottle of Kirschwasser in it , which is , whoa , that stuff burns all the way down . I think you could light the cake on fire . Mrs . Osborne : And just lots of things like that , and had some of the most wonderful mushroom soup that they made one time , just some things that you would never have had an opportunity to try otherwise , just heavenly . And you learned what some of the customs were . Anytime you have a coffee over there , you end the coffee by serving something alcoholic just before you send everybody home , which is not what 's done in this country . Mrs . Osborne : And we were always scared to death that we would get stopped by the police on the way home . But you couldn 't insult them by saying no . At least we never would have done that . Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Yeah . But they appreciated finding out some of these things . And we had just a regular picnic for them one time with hotdogs and hamburgers and potato salad and the whole thing , just as they were trying to do typical dishes for us that they would use . So it was fun exchanging . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I was very restless when I came back and I had been to so many wonderful , wonderful museums , that I thought , I want to work for a museum . So I went down here to what was then the American Museum of Atomic Energy , which is now the American Museum of Science and Energy , and I got a job . And the longer I worked there , the more responsibility they gave me . I started out working in the gift shop and working as a - doing one or two of the little audience shows that they had . I did the genetics show with the animals , and then I wound up - they were giving me more things to read and more things to read and wound up doing one on reactors . I think I told you that when I found out that I had this physics class from Harvard in my audience one day around the reactors , I decided , oh boy , you better get back to school if you 're going to answer questions from people like this . So that 's when I decided to go back to school , and I went back to UT and started after twenty - five years of being out of school , just signed up for a full load . I continued working at the museum the first year and then I had to quit because I just had too many labs and everything to have time for that . So I went back for two years , loved it , just loved going back to school , because that 's one of those things you get your pats on the back , just right away . Here 's your grades . You 're either doing well or you 're not doing well , you know , you have something . It 's so different from being a housewife and always sort of wondering , " Did they really like that meal ? " Because the one that didn 't is going to tell you about it , but if they did like it , they 're not necessarily going to say anything . Going back to school is really a positive experience ; it was for me . And I really enjoyed being around the kids . They treated me like I was practically one of them . They loved to borrow my notes because I took very good notes and much better than they did , and they like to study with me for exams and stuff . Mrs . Osborne : Well , actually , no . It had been twenty - five years , and I just - actually it had been thirty years since I had done that , and I had never really used my shorthand , so no , I really couldn 't do that . But I certainly was really good at other things , and I just took things that I enjoyed and wound up getting my degree in Botany and doing some lab work for one of the botanists over there that was a lot of fun . I mean , it was a lot of work , too , but it was fun to do it . I thoroughly enjoyed it . I wound up trying to grow a strain of something or other and when she , my professor , examined what I had been carefully - every time , every week - dividing and spreading out on another Petri dish and dividing and this sort of thing , she found I was growing an absolutely terrible strain of staph [ Staphylococcus ] . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : But I 'd done it well . So , I said , " How could I have gotten that ? " And she said , " Well , everybody has staph on their body . " Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . And even though you 're running your hands under these lights to - you know , you 're washing and everything and then you 're running them under the special lights before you 're putting them under the hood to work and everything . But evidently I 'd gotten a staph bug in there . But she caught it and no harm done . And I had certainly learned the procedure even though I hadn 't grown the right thing . So that was interesting . Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Ah , yes , a student like me is really - oh , and I 'd learned - one of the really exciting things that I did , we had a lady professor , assistant professor , that taught one of my lab courses that specialized in spiders . So she was going to have us specialize in spiders that quarter . We had to go out in this field when it was all wet with dew and whatnot and try to trap spiders , crawling around on our hands and knees . And I thought , if my bridge club could only see me now : I 'm out here crawling around in the mud trying to find spiders , which I absolutely hate and trap them in this little glass jar and then dot them with a dot of color . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : We had started out in a babysitting club together with our children way back when I had the first child . We didn 't have grandmothers and people around that could babysit , and so a lot of the mothers banded together , like , twenty - five , thirty mothers would band together into a babysitting club , and took turns keeping the books . A different woman kept the books every month and you took calls from people who wanted a sitter and calls from people who were available to sit , and you matched them up this way . And if you used a sitter for three hours , you had to sit for somebody for three hours . And so it didn 't cost you anything . You had a well - trained mother that was sitting with your children , so you didn 't have to worry about them , and back then this was just really important , because everybody was getting by on as little as possible and wanting a good sitter , so this is what we did . And so I had met Connie in this , and we had formed a bridge club way back then . Well , she said they needed a clerk at the library and why didn 't I come and interview . So I did . And I didn 't want to be a library clerk per se , but then she explained that probably the circulation supervisor would be leaving within the year and they thought I might be interested in that job and that the experience of being a clerk for six , eight months would certainly stand me in good stead , seeing as I didn 't have a library degree . So I did that . I worked as a clerk , and then I became the circulation supervisor , and was that for like ten years . And that was my - and then I had to retire because I 'd worn out my knees at that point , particularly one knee . I was on crutches at that point . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I learned how tough it is to tell people they have to pay for overdue books when the reason their books are overdue is because their husband had checked them out and then had died . And I was not allowed - because the money went in - all the overdue monies went into the City general fund . I was not allowed to forgive a single nickel of an overdue thing . And that is so hard to find out the reason these are overdue is because " I didn 't even think about the fact that , you know , we had these out when John died . " And of course you would normally say , " Well , don 't worry about it ; we 're just happy to have them back . " Nope , I had to charge . That was really hard . And then there was the day that there was this nice young man that was obviously going to college and didn 't have much when he came in and he had his backpack , and he started taking these books out of his backpack , putting them up on the counter , bringing them back , and as he did , these huge roaches went crawling off , just running off from these books . Mrs . Osborne : I didn 't want those roaches running around the library . And I had to take the book back and wash it well , but we had plastic on it . He was so embarrassed . Mrs . Osborne : So that was one of my memorable moments . And then there was the man who brought a book back in a plastic bag and said , " I think you might want to throw this away . " And I 'm saying , " Why would I want to throw the book away ? " [ He said ] , " Well , it 's not a good book . I don 't think you want to have it . " [ I said ] , " I don 't think we have the right to judge whether a book is a good book or not . " [ He said ] , " Well I still think you ought to throw it away . " I kept trying to find out why , and finally it turned out that it was because he had dropped it in something very , very bad and had tried to wash it off somewhat , put it in the plastic bag and brought it back . Needless to say , we threw it away . Mrs . Osborne : People are more fun . And then there were all sorts of just lovely people that came in that I hadn 't seen for years : people I 'd gone to high school with , people that had been friends of my parents , just lots of wonderful , wonderful people that it was such a pleasure to see and to renew acquaintance with and to help . And they love the library . Oak Ridgers really use their library a tremendous amount . It 's very , very important to them . And it 's a very good library , frankly . And I know you want to hear about the man with the shoe fetish . Mrs . Osborne : It was a nice young man who had some mental problems that I had never heard of before . I had never heard of a shoe fetish before . And he pigeonholed me one day back in the stacks asking me to help him find something . And while we were back in the stacks , he started admiring my shoes and saying he 'd " love to get some like that for his mother and what kind were they ? " And I couldn 't remember what kind they were , so I , being very accommodating , pulled one off to see what the brand was , at which point he grabbed it out of my hand , and then I had to try to get the shoe back from him , and that 's when I realized something was wrong . And I was so embarrassed . I finally got my shoe back and went running back into the back room and told somebody about it , and everyone started laughing . And I had just met the man with the shoe fetish . And evidently , most everybody had met him sooner or later there and I had just run into him . He never did anything terrible ; he just liked shoes . And it was embarrassing , very embarrassing . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : About the same number that work there now , I think . I don 't think they 've been able to add or subtract much of anybody since I was there . It was not computerized at that point , so there were a lot of mundane jobs that had to be done , like we had to put date due cards in every single book that was checked out , book , record , whatever . And we had to every - that 's when people were checking out lots of records . And we had to check every single record when it came back in to see if it had been scratched or warped or something or other , because , it 's amazing , the number of people who didn 't understand that the LP records , if you left them in a car , even for ten or fifteen minutes , would warp . Mrs . Osborne : And they would have to pay for them then because the library , obviously , had paid for them . So a lot of things that took a lot longer to do back then - we had to take a book card out of the pocket , back pocket , of every book , so that we knew what was checked out and what wasn 't checked out , because now you can just , you know , key it into the computer and " Oh , oh yeah , that book 's checked out , " you know , " And it 's due back a week from Wednesday " or something . Well , then , we couldn 't . We would have to go through all of these cards . So we had cards that had to be alphabetized every single morning , and it was from all the things that had been checked out the day before . So you alphabetized them , and then you worked them in with the other cards . And so if you were not able to alphabetize , you couldn 't work at the library . That was one of the tests that was given to every page , every clerk , everyone that went to work there . And it 's amazing the number of young people that could not alphabetize . So being a page at the Oak Ridge Public Library was a real leg up also . That was a good job . It was hard , and if you were a good page , you were capable of doing almost anything in life . That 's the amazing thing about it . Because you had to be able to work with people , get along with people , you had to be able to do things quickly , you had to be able to be very agreeable and just - taking the truckloads of books out and putting them in the right place . Every once in a while , we would find that we had just all kinds of books out of place , and we would find we had a page who was being lazy . They were just taking them out and just sticking them somewhere , which involved , then , either my retraining , talking to them about changing their way or else firing them , one or the other , depending on what they were willing to do . And we had volunteers that came in that helped put the books up also , and every once in a while we would have a volunteer that absolutely could not put them in the right place . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : How many pages and volunteers did you manage ? Mrs . Osborne : I had eleven people under me , of which - they were - all the clerks were under me plus all of the five pages were under me . So , six clerks and five pages , and that 's the most , like my boss only had one person under her and that was me . And the head of reference only had the reference librarians under her . Because the pages change every year , I was always going through training and retraining , which meant I was working late , night after night , because the pages didn 't come to work till like five o ' clock , and I got off at 5 : 30 . Well , if you 're training somebody , you have to be around . So I put in lots of extra time doing that . Mrs . Osborne : It was , it was . I enjoyed it , though . I liked a lot of it . I disliked some of it . I disliked the autonomy , I guess , the fact that you didn 't have the right to be as understanding as you would like to be . And for me that was hard . As I said I was definitely a square peg in a round hole when it came to that . But it takes all kinds to make a good library , I think . Mrs . Osborne : The people , working with the people , seeing them , trying to please them , trying to help them find what they wanted , what they needed , help the kids get the help that they needed for different papers , this sort of thing . I was constantly amazed by damage that people would do to books . I had never known that some people would cut pages out of reference books to avoid paying ten cents to make a copy of a page , that they would just deliberately go back in the stacks and do this sort of thing . I had never known that people would take the expensive tables that you have down there , special ones , and carve things in them , so that you wind up having to buy these special heavy Plexiglas tops for all of them to keep them from being ruined . Just a lot of things like this . I just did not realize that you had people like that . Mrs . Osborne : Guess I grew up in a very small , little , little group of not doing things like this , so I was just amazed at some of the things . Every time somebody got something stolen , I was shocked . I actually threw one young man out one night who was being just terrible . He was a guy that had been a big star at Oak Ridge High School in football , but he 'd never really learned to write his name , and he 'd been in special ed classes all along , so he could print his first name and the first initial of his last name , and that was it . So he liked to hang out in the library . But by this time , he was in his twenties , and he was drinking heavily , and he would come in and want to use the phone . And that 's not a thing you normally do is let people - you certainly can 't leave somebody in the back workroom at night by themselves using the phone . You have to stay by them . So it turns out his important phone call was to a girl he was trying to get a date with for the night . So I told him he had to get off the phone , and he kept on talking and I kept telling him to get off the phone . I finally just cut him off , at which point I thought he was going to hit me , he was so astonished that I would do that . And I beat him to the punch in that I just pointed my finger at him and said , " Get out of here right now . Don 't you come back here tonight . " I was so angry at him because he - I was so busy out at the front desk and he 's taking my time to be back there to try to talk a girl into letting him come over . And he said that was more important , so anyway , he left . And I thought afterwards , my gosh , he could have really hurt me if he 'd wanted to . So that was pretty dumb on my part . Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know . I did not ask them . They invited me back as a volunteer to do the same work that I had been doing , and I went back a time or two , and then I thought , wait a minute , this is kind of dumb . If I could not work here because my knees were so bad for pay , why am I coming back as a volunteer to do the very same work ? So I decided I would do something else . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I went back to doing a lot of the volunteer work that I used to do . I had always done lots of volunteer work at different things . I had always - well , I 'd taught swimming for the Red Cross for years , enjoyed that thoroughly . I taught the swimming badge for the Boy Scouts , lifesaving badge for the Boy Scouts , taught different classes at church . For the last fifteen years , I 've been leading classes in helping people find their spiritual gifts that God has given them , which has been just one of the most exciting things to do imaginable , and leading other small groups . I 'm a very strong believer in that to have a deep faith in God , you need to belong to a small group , that people help sustain you , help you sustain your faith and support you in all kinds of things . And not everyone is fortunate enough to have a group of friends or people like this . And that 's what small groups do . And so studying and deepening your faith while you are making these relationships or carving out these relationships makes it doubly precious and really sustains you for years in everything you do . It 's been very helpful for me . Mrs . Osborne : Nope , no , they always had lots of volunteers and I always thought I would go back there . I did do the voice for one of their Oak Ridge shows way back . I was on recording there . Mrs . Osborne : It was a slide show . I 'm sorry , it was a slide show that they did with the voice going along with it , and the voice that went with it was me . And that went for quite a few years before they changed shows . So now they have professional people that do that , and I have never been a professional voice person . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I also sing . I used to . Since I quit working down there . I discovered that I 'd always wanted to be a torch singer and I love singing some of the old love songs : Gershwin , Cole Porter , and just a lot of the songs from the Second World War and just a lot of things like this I like . There are needs for this in some of the retirement centers and at the Keystone group down here , which is the daycare center for people with problems . Music stays with people longer than any other kind of memory . Singing some of the old songs brings back all kinds of things for them , and I love doing it . We were having cabarets at church also almost every year for a while when we would be putting on a dinner . And then eventually we wound up not doing a dinner ; we did just delicious homemade desserts and the show , and selling tickets . So I did a lot of this . I did a little directing and a lot of singing and this type of thing , and then I sang at the Daily Grind , which was a coffee house here in Oak Ridge , and that was fun . Mrs . Osborne : Right , right . They 're in the corner at Jackson Square . Yeah , I used to do that on Friday night once in a while . And , you know , you 'd end up singing for three hours straight , and that takes a little training to be able to do . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , that 's neat . You know , you were here during the sixties , and I think that Margaret Mead came here in the sixties . Is that right ? Mrs . Osborne : You know , she , bless her heart , she just had to be critical of things , and that 's a good point . But a lot of people wound up getting their parents to move here after they had children and said they were staying on here . After their parents retired , their parents wound up moving here and retiring to help take care of their grandchildren and whatnot . But , yeah , I remember she was not - she didn 't seem to find as much joy in Oak Ridge or pride in it as we all thought she should . And then there was a doctor - who was the doctor from Georgia that I used to go to ? Mrs . Osborne : Dr . Greenblatt , from Georgia . He was a specialist in hormones , and Carbide actually had him come up and talk to all the wives that would go to hear him , about how to go through difficult times in your life , go through menopause or whatnot , or how to help your children out if they were having hormone problems or this type of thing , and he came up , and that 's where I went to hear him . And he was very far out as far as most people were concerned . He believed in having not just shots , hormone shot , or taking pills , but he believed in having them put pellets , hormone pellets , into the abdomen or into the hip that would last for five to six months for people . And he did the same thing for children that were not growing as they should or not developing as they should , and he was a specialist in this down at the University of Georgia , I believe . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , okay . So , anyway , I used to have one of his books that he had written , also on this . He was really an expert on this . And I wound up going to him quite a few times . He was an amazing man . All these people that are really amazing have egos , or a lot of them , have egos to go along with it . So they are sometimes their own worst enemy . But it 's amazing how much they know . And Oak Ridge just seemed to have the best of everything back in the fifties and sixties . Back when I was a girl , you didn 't have to worry about locking your doors , you didn 't have to worry about who your children were going with , because everybody that was in here had been investigated and had some sort of clearance or some sort of investigation done . You did not have to - it was just safe everywhere . And one of the really neat things is there were all these greenbelt areas between houses to give you more privacy , so you didn 't have just house right behind house behind house in a lot of cases . And I know where we lived , there was a gravel path that went through the woods and up these - across a little bridge that across this great huge drainage ditch that would just be roaring with water after the rains , and up some steps and up onto Georgia Avenue , and then right over down one of those lanes and down to the - across Blankenship field and up to the school there . That 's how I walked to school . And when you 're coming home from the movie , that 's how you walked home , through the woods this way , and it was perfectly safe because there weren 't any weirdoes around that - at least certainly no weirdoes that anybody heard of or knew about . Everything was completely safe . And as a teenager , this was just so romantic to get to walk through the woods with your boyfriend and be out of sight of your parents this way . I mean this was just really really terrific . Mrs . Osborne : We had a " D " house down at the bottom of Fulton Lane . It was the only " D " house on the street , and we had to live in the Guest House for the first two weeks waiting for our things to get here and for the house to be finished . And they finished the house and we moved in , and it was a very , very nice house . It was at the bottom , so we were at the cul - de - sac sort of thing . We had houses across the street . There wasn 't anything at the end but just a parking area and then the woods behind us and our porch faced the greenbelt area . A " D " house was really a lovely house . Mrs . Osborne : Senior . He was the one that wound up having the heart transplant and this sort of thing . Anyway , he was the only one out there at that time . And then , after I had been on the Math Panel - I don 't remember how long , I guess just a year or two - they hired a young black woman mathematician - she had her master 's degree in Math - to come and work on the Math Panel . Really a nice young lady . Her husband was a professor at Knoxville College . So when she came , I didn 't realize what a big deal this was , but other people did . When you 're twenty - one , you don 't sometimes realize how important some things are , and it turned out that for her to go to the cafeteria was absolutely terrible , because we were like three blocks from the cafeteria , so you always walked down , naturally , because you couldn 't bring your car in . So you walked to the cafeteria , you bought your food , you sat in there and ate . So you would go to lunch with friends . So when - I can 't remember her name . That 's terrible ; I can picture her but I cannot remember her name . But she was really nice , and so we made plans that three of us were going to take turns going to lunch with her so she would never have to go down there by herself , because sure enough , when she walked in the cafeteria , a lot of the workmen would glare at her and make comments and this sort of thing , because there just had not been any black people eating in there and they were not used to this at all . So we made sure that she never had to go by herself to the cafeteria . And this was fine . We had worked [ it ] out very well , and we enjoyed having lunch with her . Mrs . Osborne : No , but it would have been really tough for her to have to sit by herself at a table , you know . They would not have done anything to her , I 'm sure , but they would have gone out of their way to make comments or something like that . But the fact that she always had two guardians , more or less , with her made it much easier . So her husband had a birthday while she was working there at the lab . So she decided to have a big party for him , and she invited Morris and I , and she invited this other girl from the Math Panel , Nancy Dismuke and her husband Stewart , to go also . So we decided we were all going to go , wondering what it was going to be like , and so we drove with the - the Dismukes drove , we rode with them over to Knoxville and to the Knoxville College area there where they lived and we went into this party . And everybody in the party had a master 's degree or a Ph . D . except for us , I think . [ laughter ] Except for Morris and I , that is , because Nancy Dismuke had a master 's . But they were all from Knoxville College , professors , and there were some white professors . I didn 't realize Knoxville College had some white professors at that point , which they did . So it turned out it was really a strange feeling to be completely surrounded by all blacks , because I had never in my entire life had this happen . And it was just - strange is the only way - and I 'm sure it was as strange for them to see us coming in when they didn 't know us at all . The other white people that worked at Knoxville College fit in just fine , but we were - they weren 't real sure about what we were going to be like or what we were going to say or do , I 'm sure . But we played games and wound up having a nice time . It was a lovely party , with your usual soft drinks and cake and coffee , and this type of thing , and just a happy birthday . Her husband was a really nice guy . She didn 't work for a real long time . She only worked for about a year or two there and then she left . I have a picture of the Math Panel group with hDr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , I 'm sure . When did they start doing the free breakfasts for underprivileged children ? Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know , because they didn 't have them when I worked at Linden . The child was allowed to - the one child I was thinking of was allowed to sleep under a table until almost noon because he was so tired . There were like ten kids in the family and one bed , and so he always got pushed out of bed because he was the youngest . So he would come and sleep under this table , and then would - I don 't know if he had to wait till lunch or if when we had recess , whether they could get him something to eat then . But I know that the counselor there at school would take him up and shower him off and find clean clothes for him and this type of thing , because he had no care at home at all , this one child , had not whatsoever , and it 's just pitiful to see this happen . But they could have been a white family . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yeah . Now , I did not know that until much later that Oak Ridge had a real problem finding teams to play them in the different sports , in football or in basketball because they had integrated . We 're a government town , and so naturally you are integrating . And the other schools around in Tennessee did not want to play a school that had blacks on the team . They weren 't going to have their boys having to get up close and personal and play these guys . So they had an awful time filling the schedules , and they had to offer all kinds of incentives in order to fill the football schedule and whatnot , so that was tough . Mrs . Osborne : We did at that time . We had better equipment , better uniforms . The poverty level around in Tennessee was - or the poverty , not just the level , but the poverty - was very prevalent , and it showed up in things like teams and uniforms and all this sort of thing , which was not considered such a big deal back then as it is now . Now , everybody knows that the more important thing , part of school , is your football and your basketball . Anyway , but that may be one reason we 're behind the Chinese and Japanese , I 'm not sure . But anyway , then it wasn 't that big a thing , and we also , of course , had much better schools . We had teachers that came from all over the place and we had classes - we had science classes that they didn 't have in the local schools around , just all sorts of things here , as well as having drama and art and music and - I 'm sure they had music in some of the things , but we had - Oak Ridge schools just had a lot of things that other schools in the surrounding area could not afford , and that was sort of held against us . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : And also , you had said something about going to shop in Knoxville and Clinton . What was that like ? How did they treat Oak Ridgers ? Mrs . Osborne : Well , I did not shop in Clinton . Clinton was a real little backwater town . It wasn 't worth stopping in , I 'm sorry , at that point . Now , it 's a lovely place to go antiquing , and once you found out about Hammer 's , back before they moved particularly , Hammer 's was always fun to go to . Mrs . Osborne : Hammer 's was a local department store that was in this old building with all kinds of little out - of - the - way rooms and whatnot and little steps here and there and roundabout and they would get in truckloads of stuff that maybe came from a fire sale or came from something or other or came from QVC that didn 't sell . I 'm not sure where all . And they 'd sell at just really , really small prices . I know a girl who got lots of money for college by buying these - what were the shirts that had the duck on it or something like that ? Mrs . Osborne : Izod shirts . She used to go to Hammer 's and buy the Izod shirts , the seconds , and sell them to her sorority sisters at the University of North Carolina for regular prices and make all kinds of money this way . She was very much an entrepreneur and earned a lot of money this way . But that 's the sort of thing that Hammer 's had , if you could get in there . Somebody I know bought a baby grand piano from them . I did buy some wicker furniture from them once , and I used to go over there and get fabric and I 've gotten , you know , a few articles of clothing there at different times , but now it 's - it still has some good buys , I 'm sure , but I 'm too old and tired to shop there anymore . Mrs . Osborne : It moved , no , it 's still in Clinton , but it 's out at the other end of Clinton , now . It 's not in downtown Clinton anymore ; it 's out just before you get to the river , out past where the fairgrounds are on the other side , so it 's not as interesting . It 's in a normal place now instead of being in a funny little hole place . Mrs . Osborne : I did go to Knoxville , and the thing that was so remarkable about Knoxville is the coal soot . I can remember standing on the corner , waiting for a bus , and winding up with black specks all over my coat and my face , and if you touched them , it just spread , because it was coal soot , and it would just grind right into your skin and into your coat , the fabric of it , whatever , and I had never - I mean , we had coal furnaces in Michigan , but we didn 't have coal soot like that . I don 't know if it was a difference in coal or - Mrs . Osborne : I do not remember noticing that . Now I know that we had the same furnace in our " D " house that everybody had , but I have no idea if it was a coal furnace or not because I don 't remember ever getting coal from a coal truck . So whether it might have been an oil furnace back then , I don 't know . Mrs . Osborne : We did not get a coal delivery that I know of . We had no coal . Now , the cemestos did not . I know the flattops did , because this friend that I used to visit in a flattop definitely had the place where the coal was kept out in front and the little coal stove inside and whatnot , but in the cemesto you didn 't have that . So whether I was just too dense to remember it or whether we had a different kind of furnace - Mrs . Osborne : They definitely were . They definitely were . And this was in downtown Knoxville on Gay Street , because I was standing on Gay Street because Miller 's was on Gay Street then , and Miller 's was the big department store . Mrs . Osborne : Okay , they were fine . It was the kids at school that used to make fun of the way I talked , and one of the words that they always thought was the funniest was the way I said ' cow , ' and they would always say , " Say ' cow , ' Barbara . Listen to her . Listen to her , now . Say ' cow . ' " And [ I would say ] , " Cow . " They 'd " [ laughter ] . " And I 'd think , " What 's wrong with the way I say ' cow , ' " you know , but who knows . Mrs . Osborne : But I could tell whether I was or whether - I think I could tell if you were . So it 's really strange . It depends on where you 're from . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . Everybody has different speech features . How do you think - you know , sometimes people talk about having trouble with businesses in Knoxville because they were obviously not from this area , and the Knoxvillians knew that and they didn 't really like outsiders . You seem to have a pretty good experience in Knoxville from what I can tell , and maybe after the Manhattan Project , it wasn 't so much of a problem . Mrs . Osborne : It made the culture so different from every place else , that we 're spoiled . We think that all other towns are bound to be something like Oak Ridge , that they 're going to have people that are willing to listen to the pros and the cons and then make a decision , that there are people who you can argue with and maybe change their mind that aren 't just completely hidebound and something like this . And somehow , when you get away from Oak Ridge , you find that 's not necessarily true . You get into some of the good old boy stuff , and if you aren 't either a Democrat or a Republican , depending on where you are , why , you don 't have anything good to say or anything worth listening to and so forth and so on , and you 're never going to change somebody 's mind . If you 've got God and logic on your side , you still aren 't going to be able to change their mind , that there are people like this . Because the majority of people in Oak Ridge are operating from a brain and they have learned through the years - now , I 'm not saying everybody , but I 'm saying the majority of people that you run into here are people who have used their minds and found out there 's rights and wrongs and there 's some shady , gray shades in this world and there are some things that you just can 't come out and say is either black or white , and this type of thing . I think we have gotten very spoiled . I know our oldest son found this out . He was the one that went into restaurant management and being a chef . When he went to other towns to help open restaurants , he found some of the narrow - mindedness in some of the South Carolina towns absolutely appalling compared to what he was used to from here in Oak Ridge , the people here . Mrs . Osborne : The things that they say , their beliefs , you know , whether it 's the good old boys on football Saturday or whether it 's the fact that they 're going to fly the - I think South Carolina was having a real problem with the Confederate flag back about the time that he was there , so whether it had something to do with that , and the fact that he is a reader . He has just read more stuff than - I thought I was a reader , but he is really - he reads all of an author and then goes on to the next author and then , you know , this type of thing , and he is what I would consider an extremely well - read individual . So the fact that he had trouble finding people with the same interests that he had once he left Oak Ridge , that had something to do with it maybe . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Were people in Oak Ridge ever worried during the integration of the schools ? I mean , you say you don 't remember many problems , but were they worried about violence ? Because they had all that violence in Clinton . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yes , they really were . Everybody in the South was worried about violence . And I think as a result , a lot of Oak Ridgers stepped up to try to minimize any violence that might crop up or to try to stop it before it happened , this type of thing . What happened in Clinton was bad , and what happened in Mississippi was terrible , and it just is completely against everything you believe in . If you have a Christian faith , you can 't possibly approve of that sort of thing . And I cannot imagine any of the Jewish faith wanting that sort of thing either , that they would be just as appalled as - I said this badly by saying Christian faith , but my experience is coming from what I think is the Christian faith , but my Jewish friends would likewise be just as appalled by that sort of thing . So I think Oak Ridge definitely stepped up to try to avoid anything like that and to make sure that Clinton was safe going to school here , in the old Linden School , like they could do , and that that was one of the better things that came out of it . Mrs . Osborne : Right , at the old Linden . The new Linden had just opened , and so the old Linden School was not being used at that point . So they came and used that for a year . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : I have a few more questions about when you first came to Oak Ridge and just going back to the war years before you came to Oak Ridge . When you came to Oak Ridge , were you very much aware of the activity of security personnel , the guards ? Did you see much military security around ? Mrs . Osborne : I don 't remember ever noticing them . I mean , I was a high school kid , and I didn 't notice that . I had no reason to . I 'd never been in any kind of trouble . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , my father always had a very large victory garden , and he was really good at growing all sorts of things , and my mother canned things and dried things . And that was before you had freezers , really , so you weren 't freezing things . Meat was rationed during the war , so I can remember - chicken was not , and I can remember they bought twenty - five slaughtered chickens and canned them one year , just in your big glass jars , so we used a lot of chicken that year . But Dad , yeah , Dad always had lots of tomatoes and corn and just your usual things . And it was out on the edge of town where he had the victory garden . Everybody was renting little spaces to have their gardens , and we would ride out there in the evening and pick and do different things . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's interesting . I didn 't realize people had them away from their homes . I always thought the victory garden would be at your house . Mrs . Osborne : No , no , it was bigger than that , than your backyard , so I mean you really were growing food . And we also collected the tinfoil from everywhere . If anybody saw a piece of tinfoil , you know , if somebody chewed a piece of gum , you automatically stripped the tinfoil off of it , and you always had a ball of tinfoil in your pocket or somewhere , in your purse , if you were a girl , and you just added that to the ball . And the same was true with string . Every little string , you wound it around . If anybody threw down a cigarette package , you immediately grabbed it up and the inside had tinfoil between the two paper layers , and so you stripped that off . But you saved every little bit this way . And the used cooking oil , saved for something . Mrs . Osborne : And I remember I got , one time , I managed to get a five pound bag of sugar for my mother for her birthday , without using - I didn 't have any rationing stamps , because my mother had all the ration books , and it was her birthday , and I was trying to get something that she would like , and I decided that a bag of sugar would be just perfect . I went to this little store where they knew me and knew my mother , and I asked them if I could possibly buy a bag of sugar , and somehow , I don 't know how , they let me have a bag of sugar , and I took it home and wrapped it up for mother 's birthday . She was tickled to death to get a five pound bag of sugar . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I 'm sure . My parents would have been extremely happy . I was what , about twelve ? Or less than that . Mrs . Osborne : Well , Dad worked for the Atomic Energy Commission here in Oak Ridge , and came in ' 49 and went to work for them as the assistant head of the Budget Division , and stayed until about ' 63 . In ' 63 , he was transferred to Las Vegas , to the Las Vegas office - which , I never knew AEC had a Las Vegas office until then . They were there for a couple of years and then he was transferred to the Panama Canal Zone to work on the feasibility of building a second Panama Canal . This was before the first Panama Canal had been turned over to Panama . They knew - the United States knew that we had to turn it over to Panama , and they were wondering , they were afraid about what was going to happen . So they got to thinking about , what about the feasibility of building a second one , so that we would always have one . So Dad and several men from Engineering in the Army were the group picked to study this , and so he and Mother moved to Panama . And everybody else that worked on this project was military , so they lived on the military base there , except my mother and father were not military , so they had to live off the base , and the other ladies would let Mother know about how much she was missing by not being able to use the clubs there and the groceries there and all this sort of thing , and [ they would remark ] , " What a shame your house has cracks in it so the bugs come through , " and all this . So , anyway , Mother didn 't like it at all , but Dad loved it . He loved being out in the jungle , and they were trying to find where they would build one . And so they were just back in the jungle a lot of the time , hiking and trying to decide where would be a place that they could do this and how much would it cost , what would be - and they came up with the fact that it would not be a feasible thing to do , so that was their recommendation , was to not do it . Mrs . Osborne : I know when I went back to school as an adult , I heard a young guys talking about - over at the college - I heard a young guy talking about how the cancer rate in Oak Ridge was so high . His aunt had cancer now , and that she said it was due to all the radiation and everything in Oak Ridge , that everybody was getting cancer . And I said I didn 't think they were . And so then you realize that if you try arguing with him , you 're not going to get anywhere , that , just be quiet and let him say whatever he wants to say , and that 's the only way to go , that he had already made up his mind and was very busy sharing this with the other people in the class , that Oak Ridgers just had more chance of getting cancer than people anywhere else . Mrs . Osborne : They used to do that when I worked at the museum here . They used to ask if I lived in Oak Ridge , and then if I had any children , and they they 'd try to phrase it as nicely as possible , " Were the children all right ? " " Did they have two heads ? " or something like this , so I assured them they were all fine . Mrs . Osborne : Well , it has very good health care . I guess the fact that Oak Ridge has more to offer in the way of entertainment . They have an excellent Playhouse , they have an excellent Symphony Orchestra , they have ballet , a couple of pretty good ballet companies . They can perform with the opera company in Knoxville . Description Rating Title Osborne , Barbara Description Oral History of Barbara Osborne , Interviewed by Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , Ph . D . , September 25 , 2010 Audio Link http : / / coroh . oakridgetn . gov / corohfiles / audio / Osborne _ Barbara . mp3 Transcript Link http : / / coroh . oakridgetn . gov / corohfiles / Transcripts _ and _ photos / Osborne _ Barbara . doc Collection Name COROH Interviewee Osborne , Barbara Interviewer Hamilton - Brehm , Anne Marie Type audio Language English Subject Oak Ridge ( Tenn . ) Date of Original 2010 Format doc , mp3 Length 2 hours , 22 minutes File Size 129 . 53 MB Source Center for Oak Ridge Oral History Location of Original Oak Ridge Public Library Rights Copy Right by the City of Oak Ridge , Oak Ridge , TN 37830 Disclaimer : " This report was prepared as an account of work sponsored by an agency of the United States Government . Neither the United States Government nor any agency thereof , nor any of their employees , makes any warranty , express or implied , or assumes any legal liability for the accuracy , completeness , or usefulness of any information , apparatus , product , or process disclosed , or represents that process , or service by trade name , trademark , manufacturer , or otherwise do not necessarily constitute or imply its endorsement , recommendation , or favoring by the United States Government or any agency thereof . The views and opinions of authors expressed herein do not necessarily state or reflect those of the United States Government or any agency thereof . " The materials in this collection are in the public domain and may be reproduced without the written permission of either the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History or the Oak Ridge Public Library . However , anyone using the materials assumes all responsibility for claims arising from use of the materials . Materials may not be used to show by implication or otherwise that the City of Oak Ridge , the Oak Ridge Public Library , or the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History endorses any product or project . When materials are to be used commercially or online , the credit line shall readInterviewed by Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , Ph . D . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : It is September 25th , 2010 , and this is Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , the Coordinator for the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History interviewing Barbara Osborne in her home . Barbara , your family came to Oak Ridge from Michigan in 1949 . What was your family doing prior to arriving in Oak Ridge and why did you move to Oak Ridge ? Mrs . Osborne : We lived in Birmingham , Michigan , where my father worked either in Detroit or in Pontiac , depending on the office that he was in . After the war , the jobs were all given to the veterans , where he had not been allowed to go into the military because his work was too important , so he had to find another job . This is just - they said it wasn 't fair , but this sort of thing just happened . A friend of his who was in Oak Ridge wrote him and said come and apply for a particular job that was open here . So he came down , applied for the job , got it and came back and moved us to Tennessee . We had never - I had never been out of the state of Michigan before , so it was very different . I heard all sorts of wild tales from kids at school and wild tales about what Oak Ridge was going to be like : mud and people making booze in the bathtub . And part of this was true . Mud was true , but the other I never found . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : [ laughter ] What are your memories ? You came to Oak Ridge when you were in high school , and then right after you moved here , the city gates opened . What are your memories of the opening of the city gates and the parade ? Mrs . Osborne : Oh , huge crowds ! I think the only people that I know of that weren 't there were the rest of my family . I 'm the only one from my family that went to the parade , and I don 't know why they didn 't go . I guess they just didn 't want to get stuck in a crowd . But I went down , and I was standing in front of the old Jackson Square Post Office watching these movie stars go by , and they looked so glamorous , and it was just excitement . I had watched Queen for a Day , which you 're way too young to know about , so seeing Jack Bailey in person was really exciting , and of course Rod Cameron was every bit as gorgeous as he was on the screen , to say nothing of Marie McDonald , and she had a beautiful fur coat on . That was when it was okay to have a fur coat . So it was just really , really exciting . And the bands were good , and , you know , just everything , the whole atmosphere was just wonderful . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I 'd never heard a real southern accent before , and I 'd never heard an East Tennessee accent . And a lot of them had never heard a Michigan accent , which I had never thought of as being an accent . The first day I was in school here , I could not understand anything anybody said - any of the students said to me . I could understand the teachers , but I couldn 't understand the students . So when I was being shown around the school by one of the girls , I never did understand where she said the lunchroom was , and so the first day I went without eating lunch because I was too embarrassed to ask , try to ask anybody else , " Where do I go to find the cafeteria ? " Because I just simply couldn 't understand what they were saying to me , and I was scared to death , and you know , just your usual teenage angst I guess . Mrs . Osborne : Back then , not everybody had a car like they do now , because there wasn 't much of any place to go except the Snow White Drive - In , which was the headquarters for all dating purposes at that point . If you had a date , you usually wound up there getting something to eat , and if you didn 't have a date , you wound up there with friends , driving around to see who did have a date [ laughter ] , and that 's just where it was happening at this point , which is very - it 's so much like Happy Days , to be honest , and so peacefully innocent compared to today 's happenings , I think . If somebody drank , it was a big thing , not a common thing . You know , it was just , " Oh , what a terrible boy that must be . " You certainly never wanted to date anybody like that , where , I don 't know , standards seem to have changed a whole lot . Mrs . Osborne : Well , they brought it in with them , however they could . There were people that made regular runs over to North Carolina to try to furnish alcohol for a party , and they would cover up the stuff in their trunk however they could , hide it under spare tires , I don 't know . One of the stories was about hiding the bottles of liquor under a sleeping baby in a baby bed in the back seat of the car , and of course you didn 't want to disturb the baby by searching under there , so they managed - I don 't know if the child , how the child could sleep on top of it , but obviously it must have been well padded . And supposedly that really happened . But some people got caught and they got in serious trouble , and some people didn 't get caught . I imagine it depended on whoever was the guard at the gate or whether or not you happened to know the guard at the gate , you know , just all sorts of things go into this . Mrs . Osborne : There were buses , and it cost ten cents , and they went all over town , and you could transfer from one bus to another . So I could go home - I walked to school from where I lived , but I could go home with my friends by just having a dime and getting on the bus with them and go and spend the afternoon at someone 's home , even if they lived out on the west end of town . So that made it very simple . Mrs . Osborne : They did , yes . I did more of that when I became a senior in high school . I was extra young as a junior and probably the youngest person in the class , so my parents were very strict with me and I didn 't do a lot of that , but later on , yes , I can remember going to see Rock City , and going to Big Ridge , going swimming and being in a canoe that got turned over , and you know , the guy lost his shoes [ laughter ] , but he learned to never dive out of a canoe . Mrs . Osborne : And that 's where we had senior skip day back then . That was before it got dangerous . It 's probably in the last five year period before it got dangerous . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . So , that 's when the school started really , you know , everybody had to do - if you went anywhere , it was by bus with the whole group doing the same thing , and we went to Big Ridge for senior skip day . I remember senior skip day . I loved that place . It was a lot of fun back then . Mrs . Osborne : As a matter of fact , I was involved in Bridge Club , and I didn 't even know how to play bridge . I was involved in Maskers also ; I was in several plays , and scared to death to stand up in front of an audience , but determined to try to get over it . And I played the mother . Only one time did I ever get to play a romantic lead . The rest of the time , I was always cast as the mother or the friend or something like this . Mrs . Osborne : I really can 't . I can remember the name of - the only time that I played the romantic lead - who played opposite me , and that was the drum major at that time , Bob Barrett . And I remember my name when I was somebody 's mother . I was Mrs . Chickester . But what was the name of the play ? Mrs . Osborne : My father said , " Get a job . " And he , either he or my mother , found out that the drug store that they got their prescriptions filled at , Elm Grove Drug Store , was looking for a counter clerk , and so I went down there and applied for a job , and they hired me , and I worked there that summer , and if ever a job made you appreciate what a college education could do for you , that was it . It was so hot ; there was no air conditioning , and you were on your feet the whole time and busy the whole time you were there . I was the soda jerk . I made wonderful milkshakes and sodas and , you know , all kinds of things . And [ I was ] very carefully watched by the man who owned the store to make sure I didn 't put an extra scoop of ice cream in any of my friends ' things . So , you know , I was honest to a T , absolutely , or honest to a fault , I guess is the term . And he wound up really liking me and asking my parents as I went off to college , you know , " When is Barbara coming home ? I want her to work on such - and - such a weekend ; I 'm having a sale , " or , " When , " you know , " Can she come back then ? Can she work over Christmas ? " This type of thing . So he liked me and I liked the fact that I didn 't have to do that for a living . Mrs . Osborne : Just turned seventeen during the summer . So off I went to Tennessee Wesleyan , and the minister , our minister from First Methodist Church took me and got me registered . He got my parents to say - give me permission to go . And moved into this very old dorm with a dried up little old lady dorm mother , and I wound up becoming the only - there were only two of us that started - we started in the winter quarter , because it took the minister that long to get my parents to give me permission to go . They just didn 't want me to leave that soon . And so only two of us started school in the winter quarter . So she was my roommate , the other girl , and she lasted two weeks and went home . So I was the only person in the entire school with no roommate , and that 's kind of a lonesome way to be . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : So what was that like ? Did you live in your room , or did you have a sleeping porch ? What was that like ? Mrs . Osborne : No , you lived in your room , and the rules there were very different from what they are now . Your parents had to sign a paper saying you could get in a car or you couldn 't get in a car . My parents refused to sign saying I could get in a car , so therefore I was not allowed to ride with anybody anywhere . They also - the dorm mother came around and made sure that you - or tried to make sure that you cleaned your room every week , and that your bed was made every day , and I was one of the biggest problems , because I decided to rebel on all the things I had been taught at home , and never make the bed and never clean the room . My parents got quite a few phone calls that year about their rebellious daughter [ laughter ] . But I joined the Tennessee Wesleyan Choir , and got some absolutely marvelous experience there and wonderful praise from the choir director , who was a real stickler . He kept saying things like , " If there are any more altos like you in Oak Ridge , send them to me ! " So I really enjoyed that and we did different shows . I worked in Maskers there at Wesleyan . The choir went on choir trips singing at churches around in different parts of Tennessee . We sang with the Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra on Beethoven 's 9th Symphony . What else did we do , things that were big time for me at that point ? It was just lots of fun . Oh , yeah , we put on Sigmund Romberg 's The Desert Song , and I learned to love Sigmund Romberg 's music through that , which I still have , a love for his music . But that was a terrific experience , the music part . And I started taking Botany because my father insisted I had to take a science ; I had to major in a science . So that was my way of rebelling against , you know , not taking any of the , what I consider the harder sciences , Chemistry or Biology or something . Botany , I was doing it my way , which is very silly . There were no jobs in botany , or at least very few , but I didn 't really care ; I was just having fun . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds like it . So after college , you moved back to Oak Ridge and got a job here . Where did you work and what was it like to work there ? Mrs . Osborne : I actually didn 't finish college . My father had me drop out after two years because I failed typing . I couldn 't stay awake ; it was at eight o ' clock in the morning , and I didn 't go to bed early enough to . I would just be so bored I would sit there and go to sleep with my hands on the keyboard . You don 't pass doing things like that . So he was really upset with me after being an extremely good scholar all my life , to fail a typing course . And so he made me go to Knoxville Business College and get a steno degree and then get a job . So after - I spent a year or nine months over in Knoxville , going to Knoxville Business College , hating every minute of it , and then I applied at the plants , which were run by Union Carbide at that point , and they started giving me all kinds of tests when I went in for filling out - I took the usual typing test and shorthand and then they started having me take some other tests , and I could not understand why . Then they called me to say I had been hired to work at X - 10 to be a computer operator on the first computer to be in the Southeast . I had no idea what they were talking about , because I 'd never heard of a big computer - a little handheld calculator , maybe , or a tabletop calculator , not handheld back then , but not a computer . And I went home and told my father and mother this and my father just about jumped out of his chair , he was so excited , because he knew all about this . Being in the Budget Division of AEC , he knew what the thing had cost and all about the logistics of it , the whole thing , and he just thought that was the most exciting thing and the fact that his daughter was going to be working on it , which was the most exciting thing he ever heard of . So I was hired to be a computer operator on the ORACLE , which was the first large computer in the entire Southeast . It was built in Argonne and then shipped down to X - 10 for the Math Panel at that point , and for the rest of the people at the lab to use , but it was going to be run by the Math Panel . ADr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds a little frustrating . Mrs . Osborne : It was frustrating , but that 's how everything starts . And it was exciting . I loved it . I loved learning about it , I loved working on it , and the more I worked on it , the more I wanted to do , so I wound up finally not being an operator . They hired some young men for that , and I was changed to becoming a programmer for the ORACLE . Now , the ORACLE stood for Oak Ridge Automatic Computer and Logical Engine . That 's O - R - A - C - L - E , yeah . And that 's what it stood for , and that was before FORTRAN , before any of the early languages . So people out there were writing subroutines ; we were shifting binary bits back and forth to do everything , to do additions , subtractions , multiplications , writing little routines to accomplish what people later accomplished in one word or one bit or this type of thing . So it was a very exciting time , and I thoroughly enjoyed a lot of that . Met a lot of people . Mrs . Osborne : Well , in my office , it was quiet , but when I worked on the computer , I was sitting at the console of this enormous machine that was probably , golly , I don 't think it was as big as a football field , but it was close to it , and it was just banks and banks and banks of these cathode ray tubes , with this enormous console in front of it . At least compared to what they are now , it was enormous . And where you 're flipping all kinds of little toggle switches and doing all sorts of things , and you 're working with all the best minds in the laboratory who were coming to put problems on and doing different things . And you 're sitting in front of a huge , great big plate glass window , which , seeing as I was twenty - one and single was kind of exciting , because everybody that I worked with had a single friend , it seemed like , and they were all walking by with their single friends and saying , " Would you like to meet her ? " So it was like being in show business almost . Mrs . Osborne : I was the only one right then , yes , for the first year . Now , there were women on the Math Panel , but they were definitely mathematicians , and I was not a mathematician at that point . I just sort of moved into that later . And evidently it was the test that they gave me that showed that I could do this or could handle it , that this was one of my strengths , so I always thought , how nice , had no idea what I was doing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , well , a lot of air conditioning . Very , very definitely a lot of air conditioning . And they checked whole banks of the tubes every single morning . The computer was down every morning for maintenance , and they would discover that something - there 'd been one tube blinking the day before , so who knows . At first it didn 't even run at night , you know , there wasn 't the need for it . And then as they began to find more uses for it and more uses for it , they started doing things at night out there , and I can remember riding out there at night with some physicists to help them with their programs , run them , and getting stopped by some of the , well , they were the guards there back by the plants , because physicists were not necessarily great drivers , the ones that were really good at some of the other things , at least these particular ones . They were brilliant men , and I 'm not saying that about all physicists , but we used to , as a young woman , we used to group them . Physicists were the ones that walked into doors and walked into people and this type of thing . Mrs . Osborne : And I married a physicist who never walks into doors or walks into people . I thought he was an engineer because he was just so neat and everything . But , yeah , we used to definitely pigeonhole the guys that walked down the hall to get coffee : " Oh yeah , that 's a chemist , you can tell , " or you 'd see him hit that wall , " He 's a physicist , " or - this sort of thing . It was a good place to be young . Mrs . Osborne : Well , the head of the Math Panel was a well known mathematician who wrote books and whatnot , Austin Householder , and he was one of the shyest men you 've ever seen in your life . He might have been a brilliant mathematician ; he was a brilliant mathematician . I can remember trying to read something that he had written one time and just , it was so far over my head , it was ridiculous . So he was definitely brilliant . But then there was a - several , what I would call big time - they became like vice presidents or assistant directors of the lab or something like this . I did meet Alvin Weinberg a time or two . And then there was Bob Sharpie , who was an assistant director , and he was an interesting man . He wound up becoming the head of some big company here in the United States , and , you know , multi - millionaire type person , becoming very well known . But at that point , he was just , what I thought was an extremely egotistical , hard to get along with person , who was an authority on a lot of things . And there was a program going on on television at that time called The $ 64 , 000 Question . There was a young high school girl who was on this show who was doing very , very well , and I can 't remember what her exact deal was , that you picked the field you want the questions in . When you got to the $ 64 , 000 question , which was the top one , you could have an authority come in and help you with it , and she picked Bob Sharpie to be her authority to come in . So we were - everybody in Oak Ridge was glued to the T . V . , if they had one back then , to watch that . And they won the $ 64 , 000 , she did . So he invited her and her parents to come and tour X - 10 , and I have a picture of them . And she 's just a normal looking girl , wearing glasses , everything - but obviously she was going to wind up being extremely good at whatever science she went into , and I never knew whatever happened to her . I hope she was a real success . But it was interesting to see , you know . Mrs . Osborne : First week . We were taking a bus - there was a bus that ran out to the lab - and so because you didn 't have a car you rode the bus . And when I went down to the bus stop , there were two of my friends from high school waiting for the same bus . So we were standing there talking and up came this nice young man to talk to one of the girls that I 'd gone to school with , and she introduced him to me , and it turned out that he was dating her at that point , or had had a couple of dates with her . And I thought he was really cute . And that was how I met him . And then we had all been asked to be ushers at an Oak Ridge Playhouse play later in the week , so we decided , well , we would - definitely none of us have a date for that , we would all do something together afterwards . So my parents dropped me off at the play . Actually the plays were at the Oak Ridge High School Auditorium right then , which was the old one up on Kentucky Avenue , and when I got there , I found out every other - there were four of us as usherettes at that point - the other three had each gotten a date . I 'm the only one that turned a date down and didn 't have one . So they were all going somewhere afterwards and I was not . Fortunately , friends of my parents were there at the play and gave me a ride home . But Morris always said - Morris was the date for this one girl , and he always said he felt so sorry for me standing there that he decided he wanted to ask me for a date . So I think I was his pity date [ laughter ] . Mrs . Osborne : But he never would ask me for a date far enough in advance . He would , you know , say , " How about could you go out , " he 'd call on Friday , " Could you go out with me on Monday night ? " Well , I already had a date Monday night . He had to call earlier than that . So after he asked me twice for a date and I turned him down each time , he said he wasn 't going to call me again , but I suggested what about such - and - such a night , when I was free , and so we went out then and that was the start of something that never stopped . By the fourth date , I knew that he was going to be the one that was going to - I was going to fall in love with him and make a big difference in my life . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , he was president of the Young Adult Fellowship at First Methodist Church , and I had always been very active in church . I was going to Kern Methodist Church at that point because it was closer to my home . So we had that and the fact that we both worked at X - 10 and we were both going to school at night and we both liked to go to the swimming pool . We did a lot of going to the swimming pool on weekends , and going up to the Smokies and driving around or hiking or both , having picnics on weekends , also . And we were both small town . In fact , he was even smaller : he 'd lived on a farm all his life . So it was definitely a reciprocating thing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , it was a very small wedding . Morris was in the process of doing some experiments with his job in solid state physics at that point , so we had to time the wedding between experiments . Because when an experiment was running , somebody had to be out there with it at night , and because the other people that were working on it all had families , he was the one that would be out with it at night . And a new husband doesn 't necessarily want to be spending the night out with an experiment . So we got married on a weekend that was at the end of one experiment and before the next one started , so we could have a honeymoon in there . And we had a very small wedding at Kern Methodist Church at eleven o ' clock in the morning , because that was before air conditioned churches , and it was in July and hot as blazes . Everything stuck to you because it was just so hot . It was mainly the people I worked with and the people he worked with and some of the people from church and friends of my parents and a few of our friends , mutual friends , and we had a reception downstairs , with just cake and punch and nuts and mints . That 's what used to be - you know , I can remember it cost ten dollars for the flowers . It cost ten dollars for the cake , because the lady that made the cake was just going into the business and that 's what she charged for this lovely cake . And a friend went over to Farmer 's Market and bought the flowers over in Knoxville and then decorated the church with them and then carried them downstairs for the reception . And I mean , it was - we got married - I used to say we got married on a dime and that was just about it . So , that 's why we had a big fiftieth wedding anniversary , because we had such a small wedding . But it certainly lasted . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , they threw the paper chad from the tapes , from all - typing all those tapes for the computer . They 'd been bagging up all those tiny , tiny little bits of paper that came out , and they were sort of a greasy paper , oily , and they had bags full of the stuff . It looked like it was just pouring rain when they were throwing this . And it got - the best man drove us away from the wedding in his mother 's car , and the car just got plastered with this stuff , and his mother never could get it completely cleaned out . [ laughter ] She wound up trading cars , I understand . And I was wearing a big white lace hat when I left on the honeymoon , and it was just full of these bits of little tiny round bits of paper chad , you know . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . Let 's see , when the children - we had three children , and I quit work when I was expecting the first child because I was having a lot of problems , so - and at that time , you stayed home with your children . You didn 't go back to work unless you were really an expert at something . And I was certainly not an expert at anything . So I stayed home as a mother , and then sixteen months later I had a second child , and then three years later I had a third child . So I was pretty busy . I stayed home until the third child went off to school . So when he went to school , I went back to work as an instructional aide at Linden School , was hired by the principal there that had been there for many , many years , and was just a wonderful lady . Mrs . Osborne : Around ' 65 , ' 66 , something like that . And so I worked there half - time as an instructional aide , so I was home when the children were home , and I could either drive them to school or pick them up from school and bring them home depending on whether I worked mornings or afternoons . I worked in third grade at least three of the years , and I worked in sixth grade one year . Got to go to Tremont with the sixth graders and teach crafts , which was - that was a wonderful week . It was one of the most enjoyable weeks of my life . I 'd been to Tremont as a mother , but to go as an instructor was even more fun . So I did that and I left Linden School because my husband was picked by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission to go to Germany as a guest scientist for two years to work at Kernforschungszentrum outside of Karlsruhe , West Germany . And so we moved the three children and our dog over there for two years , which was not an easy thing to do at that point . Our oldest son was a senior at high school , our daughter was a sophomore , and our youngest child was sixth grade . Mrs . Osborne : This was , you know , we went over in 1975 , so yeah . I 'm sorry , I must have gone back to work - I did not go back to work when I said I did . I must have gone back to work about ' 70 . Ah , okay , that makes a difference , yeah , sorry about that . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's all right . Was it hard to - you said you brought your dog over to Germany . Was that hard to do back then , or was it easy ? Mrs . Osborne : If you brought an animal in , it would be put to death . And so we were just terrified about what was going to happen to our dog , which - he was a member of our family , definitely . We 'd had his mother before him and had him since he was born . And I can remember when we got off the plane in London , we could see his crate being unloaded , and we were just sitting in there watching to see what they were going to do with it . And when we saw it go onto the plane going to Germany , that was such a relief . I don 't know what we would have done if they hadn 't done that . But they were having an outbreak of rabies in England at the time , and that 's why they had just shut down everything completely . But that was terrifying . And the children were already so upset about going that that 's all they needed was to find out that the dog might be missing when we got there . And there were people - when we got to Germany , I remember seeing , there were some animal crates going around , empty , on the carousel . Fortunately , ours still had a dog in it . Mrs . Osborne : And he was so glad to get out of there . But that was the hardest - they would not , back then , they wouldn 't allow animals up in the plane . He had to be down in baggage , which was not heated really or air conditioned or - you know , it was just really , really bad . So we were lucky he survived . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : But the Germans were pretty dog - friendly , weren 't they ? Mrs . Osborne : Oh , very much so . Our dog had so many friends over there . We had friends that Morris knew from work there that wanted to keep him for every trip we went on , and we would come back - he was a dachshund , just a regular sized dachshund , and we tried to keep him fairly sleek , because they do have back troubles , and every time we came back from a trip , he would be just like a football . Mrs . Osborne : Stuffed to the gills , round as all get out , and have garlic breath from all the wurst that they 'd been feeding him . He just loved those German friends and they loved him . Oh boy , " He is just such a good dog , he just loves staying with us . " Yes , he did . He got spoiled rotten . And we 'd have to run him all over the place to get him slimmed down again , get him back on dog food . And , " I don 't know why you feed him dog food . He really likes salami better . " Well , yes , he does . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , the weather . It got dark so early . It would be , in the wintertime , it would be dark - by the time our children got off the school bus , it was already dark . So playing outside , there wasn 't any such thing . And it was dark when they left for school in the morning . Just all kinds of things like this . And where we were , we didn 't have a lot of snow . The temperature 's something like Oak Ridge , except a little bit more - it rained every single day , and you didn 't have the sunny days . Like , Oak Ridge is wonderful in that we have these beautiful sunny days in the middle of winter that just restores your faith in humanity and life . Everybody needs this , and in Germany you did not have this . It was just gray , day after day after day . Of course they had lots of celebrations and lots of parties and Fasching was huge , huge . Fasching was a time of parades everywhere and lots of people dressing up and we went to special Fasching parades and villages over there where they had people all dressed up in these very old masks , witch masks , wooden ones , and went around dressed as witches and poked their brooms at the dog - you took your dog everywhere in Germany - and would give out candy to the children , you know , scare them and then give them candy , this type of thing . Everything was just so different and it was so clean over there ; it was wonderful . You were responsible for keeping the street in front of your house clean , and I was responsible for keeping the stairs and the landing - we were on the second floor of a house , where we were living , and I was responsible for keeping that mopped . Now , some things were very , very hard . The German washing machines back then - this was in the days of polyester , and a lot of our clothes were polyester , and the German washing machines started with cold water , heated the water up to boiling , took like two hours to do a load and sort of boiled the clothes , so what happened to polyester was terrible . We did not ever buy a German washing machine . We wound up Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . So did your children enjoy school in Germany and did they learn German ? Mrs . Osborne : Our daughter did and our youngest son wound up enjoying it . Our oldest son did not . He just couldn 't make it . We had assured him that if he would just try , that if he couldn 't make the switch , we would send him back to graduate with his class here , because he was a senior in high school . And he just could not make the change . So we sent him back to Oak Ridge by himself just about New Year 's . He had to be back for a whole semester in order to graduate with his class at Oak Ridge High School . So some friends of ours that had a daughter his age had said he could stay with them . He didn 't know them that well , but he came back and stayed with them . It was very , very hard on him . I would never do that again . I don 't know how we would handle it if it ever came up again , but that was , for him , it was a bad , bad year . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , it is too bad . The other two wound up making a switch . Linda wound up becoming very good in German and Paul wound up enjoying himself . Now they were going to an American school on the Army base . We had promised them - there was no school that taught in English around there , and we only had six weeks notice that we were going to be going , moving over , so we had no time to learn the language ahead of time . So we had assured them that they would be going to a school where they would be taught in English . So they went to a military school , which was a terrible school . It was not a good one at all . After going to the Oak Ridge schools , it was a real , real letdown . The first class we ever took our oldest son into , it was an English class , and there were guys sitting in there reading comic books , getting credit for reading comic books , and David had been in advanced classes at Oak Ridge High School . Mrs . Osborne : So the teacher just said to us , " Get him out of here as fast as you can ; send him home . " So that 's another reason that he wound up going home . So he did okay scholastically , but emotionally it was just really not good . He was too young to be away from the family . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . It was not easy . They spoke English to him and spoke German to each other , so that he had to really learn fast and try to get really good in order to know what was going on , and it was not easy for him , either . We were the first of several families that were sent over for this project , and it was a project to have the - like , Morris was supposed to be working with people over there who were working on the same type of thing that he had been working on here at the lab , so that they didn 't have to duplicate the same experiments and whatnot . They could share information back and forth , which obviously makes sense financially as well as other ways , so that 's what it was all about , and we learned a whole lot by being over there , found out how insulated we had been living in our little puddle here in Oak Ridge , that we thought we were big time stuff because there were people here from all over the world and actually we weren 't all that big time stuff . When you get out in the world , you find out . So we learned a lot of different - did lots and lots of traveling , went to Holland and Belgium and Spain and Egypt and Italy , and we have all the usual things : got robbed in Italy , got sick in Spain . And went to Czechoslovakia , which was a closed - in country back then and that was on a - actually , we joined a military tour , or one that was sponsored by the officers ' wives club , this sort of thing , so it was very inexpensive . And did the same thing - went to London . I took the kids and went to London for three or four days and went to the ballet and just did all kinds of - the museums and whatnot . Just did a lot of things so that they had all kinds of advantages over people that never get to do any of these things . And I had all kinds of advantages this way . I loved the traveling . I loved going to different castles and seeing all the churches and the age of the cities . Like , they 'd be having their thousand year anniversary . And that 's when the United States was having its two - hundredth . Mrs . Osborne : We were having a really big celebration and everything , and Elvis Presley died while we were over there , and that was a big thing in Germany , too . I was just amazed at how much the Germans loved him . But he had been in Germany when he was in the military . And I was in a German American woman 's club in which we had a little cooking group of eight ladies , and we took turns cooking . The American ladies would cook one month and the German ladies would cook the next month , and then exchange recipes and whatnot . Jimmy Carter was elected president while we were over there and he had cheese grits . Well , they had never heard of cheese grits , and they wanted to know what they were , so we fixed a brunch for the ladies in our group , the German ladies , in which we fixed cheese grits and sausage balls and eggs and this sort of thing , like you would have a southern - and biscuits and whatnot . And they did things like - everything that they did had lots of liquor in it . We had Black Forest cake , which has a whole bottle of Kirschwasser in it , which is , whoa , that stuff burns all the way down . I think you could light the cake on fire . Mrs . Osborne : And just lots of things like that , and had some of the most wonderful mushroom soup that they made one time , just some things that you would never have had an opportunity to try otherwise , just heavenly . And you learned what some of the customs were . Anytime you have a coffee over there , you end the coffee by serving something alcoholic just before you send everybody home , which is not what 's done in this country . Mrs . Osborne : And we were always scared to death that we would get stopped by the police on the way home . But you couldn 't insult them by saying no . At least we never would have done that . Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Yeah . But they appreciated finding out some of these things . And we had just a regular picnic for them one time with hotdogs and hamburgers and potato salad and the whole thing , just as they were trying to do typical dishes for us that they would use . So it was fun exchanging . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I was very restless when I came back and I had been to so many wonderful , wonderful museums , that I thought , I want to work for a museum . So I went down here to what was then the American Museum of Atomic Energy , which is now the American Museum of Science and Energy , and I got a job . And the longer I worked there , the more responsibility they gave me . I started out working in the gift shop and working as a - doing one or two of the little audience shows that they had . I did the genetics show with the animals , and then I wound up - they were giving me more things to read and more things to read and wound up doing one on reactors . I think I told you that when I found out that I had this physics class from Harvard in my audience one day around the reactors , I decided , oh boy , you better get back to school if you 're going to answer questions from people like this . So that 's when I decided to go back to school , and I went back to UT and started after twenty - five years of being out of school , just signed up for a full load . I continued working at the museum the first year and then I had to quit because I just had too many labs and everything to have time for that . So I went back for two years , loved it , just loved going back to school , because that 's one of those things you get your pats on the back , just right away . Here 's your grades . You 're either doing well or you 're not doing well , you know , you have something . It 's so different from being a housewife and always sort of wondering , " Did they really like that meal ? " Because the one that didn 't is going to tell you about it , but if they did like it , they 're not necessarily going to say anything . Going back to school is really a positive experience ; it was for me . And I really enjoyed being around the kids . They treated me like I was practically one of them . They loved to borrow my notes because I took very good notes and much better than they did , and they like to study with me for exams and stuff . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : YoMrs . Osborne : Well , actually , no . It had been twenty - five years , and I just - actually it had been thirty years since I had done that , and I had never really used my shorthand , so no , I really couldn 't do that . But I certainly was really good at other things , and I just took things that I enjoyed and wound up getting my degree in Botany and doing some lab work for one of the botanists over there that was a lot of fun . I mean , it was a lot of work , too , but it was fun to do it . I thoroughly enjoyed it . I wound up trying to grow a strain of something or other and when she , my professor , examined what I had been carefully - every time , every week - dividing and spreading out on another Petri dish and dividing and this sort of thing , she found I was growing an absolutely terrible strain of staph [ Staphylococcus ] . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : But I 'd done it well . So , I said , " How could I have gotten that ? " And she said , " Well , everybody has staph on their body . " Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . And even though you 're running your hands under these lights to - you know , you 're washing and everything and then you 're running them under the special lights before you 're putting them under the hood to work and everything . But evidently I 'd gotten a staph bug in there . But she caught it and no harm done . And I had certainly learned the procedure even though I hadn 't grown the right thing . So that was interesting . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : What an interesting experience . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Ah , yes , a student like me is really - oh , and I 'd learned - one of the really exciting things that I did , we had a lady professor , assistant professor , that taught one of my lab courses that specialized in spiders . So she was going to have us specialize in spiders that quarter . We had to go out in this field when it was all wet with dew and whatnot and try to trap spiders , crawling around on our hands and knees . And I thought , if my bridge club could only see me now : I 'm out here crawling around in the mud trying to find spiders , which I absolutely hate and trap them in this little glass jar and then dot them with a dot of color . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : We had started out in a babysitting club together with our children way back when I had the first child . We didn 't have grandmothers and people around that could babysit , and so a lot of the mothers banded together , like , twenty - five , thirty mothers would band together into a babysitting club , and took turns keeping the books . A different woman kept the books every month and you took calls from people who wanted a sitter and calls from people who were available to sit , and you matched them up this way . And if you used a sitter for three hours , you had to sit for somebody for three hours . And so it didn 't cost you anything . You had a well - trained mother that was sitting with your children , so you didn 't have to worry about them , and back then this was just really important , because everybody was getting by on as little as possible and wanting a good sitter , so this is what we did . And so I had met Connie in this , and we had formed a bridge club way back then . Well , she said they needed a clerk at the library and why didn 't I come and interview . So I did . And I didn 't want to be a library clerk per se , but then she explained that probably the circulation supervisor would be leaving within the year and they thought I might be interested in that job and that the experience of being a clerk for six , eight months would certainly stand me in good stead , seeing as I didn 't have a library degree . So I did that . I worked as a clerk , and then I became the circulation supervisor , and was that for like ten years . And that was my - and then I had to retire because I 'd worn out my knees at that point , particularly one knee . I was on crutches at that point . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I learned how tough it is to tell people they have to pay for overdue books when the reason their books are overdue is because their husband had checked them out and then had died . And I was not allowed - because the money went in - all the overdue monies went into the City general fund . I was not allowed to forgive a single nickel of an overdue thing . And that is so hard to find out the reason these are overdue is because " I didn 't even think about the fact that , you know , we had these out when John died . " And of course you would normally say , " Well , don 't worry about it ; we 're just happy to have them back . " Nope , I had to charge . That was really hard . And then there was the day that there was this nice young man that was obviously going to college and didn 't have much when he came in and he had his backpack , and he started taking these books out of his backpack , putting them up on the counter , bringing them back , and as he did , these huge roaches went crawling off , just running off from these books . Mrs . Osborne : I didn 't want those roaches running around the library . And I had to take the book back and wash it well , but we had plastic on it . He was so embarrassed . Mrs . Osborne : So that was one of my memorable moments . And then there was the man who brought a book back in a plastic bag and said , " I think you might want to throw this away . " And I 'm saying , " Why would I want to throw the book away ? " [ He said ] , " Well , it 's not a good book . I don 't think you want to have it . " [ I said ] , " I don 't think we have the right to judge whether a book is a good book or not . " [ He said ] , " Well I still think you ought to throw it away . " I kept trying to find out why , and finally it turned out that it was because he had dropped it in something very , very bad and had tried to wash it off somewhat , put it in the plastic bag and brought it back . Needless to say , we threw it away . Mrs . Osborne : People are more fun . And then there were all sorts of just lovely people that came in that I hadn 't seen for years : people I 'd gone to high school with , people that had been friends of my parents , just lots of wonderful , wonderful people that it was such a pleasure to see and to renew acquaintance with and to help . And they love the library . Oak Ridgers really use their library a tremendous amount . It 's very , very important to them . And it 's a very good library , frankly . And I know you want to hear about the man with the shoe fetish . Mrs . Osborne : It was a nice young man who had some mental problems that I had never heard of before . I had never heard of a shoe fetish before . And he pigeonholed me one day back in the stacks asking me to help him find something . And while we were back in the stacks , he started admiring my shoes and saying he 'd " love to get some like that for his mother and what kind were they ? " And I couldn 't remember what kind they were , so I , being very accommodating , pulled one off to see what the brand was , at which point he grabbed it out of my hand , and then I had to try to get the shoe back from him , and that 's when I realized something was wrong . And I was so embarrassed . I finally got my shoe back and went running back into the back room and told somebody about it , and everyone started laughing . And I had just met the man with the shoe fetish . And evidently , most everybody had met him sooner or later there and I had just run into him . He never did anything terrible ; he just liked shoes . And it was embarrassing , very embarrassing . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : About the same number that work there now , I think . I don 't think they 've been able to add or subtract much of anybody since I was there . It was not computerized at that point , so there were a lot of mundane jobs that had to be done , like we had to put date due cards in every single book that was checked out , book , record , whatever . And we had to every - that 's when people were checking out lots of records . And we had to check every single record when it came back in to see if it had been scratched or warped or something or other , because , it 's amazing , the number of people who didn 't understand that the LP records , if you left them in a car , even for ten or fifteen minutes , would warp . Mrs . Osborne : And they would have to pay for them then because the library , obviously , had paid for them . So a lot of things that took a lot longer to do back then - we had to take a book card out of the pocket , back pocket , of every book , so that we knew what was checked out and what wasn 't checked out , because now you can just , you know , key it into the computer and " Oh , oh yeah , that book 's checked out , " you know , " And it 's due back a week from Wednesday " or something . Well , then , we couldn 't . We would have to go through all of these cards . So we had cards that had to be alphabetized every single morning , and it was from all the things that had been checked out the day before . So you alphabetized them , and then you worked them in with the other cards . And so if you were not able to alphabetize , you couldn 't work at the library . That was one of the tests that was given to every page , every clerk , everyone that went to work there . And it 's amazing the number of young people that could not alphabetize . So being a page at the Oak Ridge Public Library was a real leg up also . That was a good job . It was hard , and if you were a good page , you were capable of doing almost anything in life . That 's the amazing thing about it . Because you had to be able to work with people , get along with people , you had to be able to do things quickly , you had to be able to be very agreeable and just - taking the truckloads of books out and putting them in the right place . Every once in a while , we would find that we had just all kinds of books out of place , and we would find we had a page who was being lazy . They were just taking them out and just sticking them somewhere , which involved , then , either my retraining , talking to them about changing their way or else firing them , one or the other , depending on what they were willing to do . And we had volunteers that came in that helped put the books up also , and every once in a while we would have a volunteer that absolutely could not put them in the right place . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : How many pages and volunteers did you manage ? Mrs . Osborne : I had eleven people under me , of which - they were - all the clerks were under me plus all of the five pages were under me . So , six clerks and five pages , and that 's the most , like my boss only had one person under her and that was me . And the head of reference only had the reference librarians under her . Because the pages change every year , I was always going through training and retraining , which meant I was working late , night after night , because the pages didn 't come to work till like five o ' clock , and I got off at 5 : 30 . Well , if you 're training somebody , you have to be around . So I put in lots of extra time doing that . Mrs . Osborne : It was , it was . I enjoyed it , though . I liked a lot of it . I disliked some of it . I disliked the autonomy , I guess , the fact that you didn 't have the right to be as understanding as you would like to be . And for me that was hard . As I said I was definitely a square peg in a round hole when it came to that . But it takes all kinds to make a good library , I think . Mrs . Osborne : The people , working with the people , seeing them , trying to please them , trying to help them find what they wanted , what they needed , help the kids get the help that they needed for different papers , this sort of thing . I was constantly amazed by damage that people would do to books . I had never known that some people would cut pages out of reference books to avoid paying ten cents to make a copy of a page , that they would just deliberately go back in the stacks and do this sort of thing . I had never known that people would take the expensive tables that you have down there , special ones , and carve things in them , so that you wind up having to buy these special heavy Plexiglas tops for all of them to keep them from being ruined . Just a lot of things like this . I just did not realize that you had people like that . Mrs . Osborne : Guess I grew up in a very small , little , little group of not doing things like this , so I was just amazed at some of the things . Every time somebody got something stolen , I was shocked . I actually threw one young man out one night who was being just terrible . He was a guy that had been a big star at Oak Ridge High School in football , but he 'd never really learned to write his name , and he 'd been in special ed classes all along , so he could print his first name and the first initial of his last name , and that was it . So he liked to hang out in the library . But by this time , he was in his twenties , and he was drinking heavily , and he would come in and want to use the phone . And that 's not a thing you normally do is let people - you certainly can 't leave somebody in the back workroom at night by themselves using the phone . You have to stay by them . So it turns out his important phone call was to a girl he was trying to get a date with for the night . So I told him he had to get off the phone , and he kept on talking and I kept telling him to get off the phone . I finally just cut him off , at which point I thought he was going to hit me , he was so astonished that I would do that . And I beat him to the punch in that I just pointed my finger at him and said , " Get out of here right now . Don 't you come back here tonight . " I was so angry at him because he - I was so busy out at the front desk and he 's taking my time to be back there to try to talk a girl into letting him come over . And he said that was more important , so anyway , he left . And I thought afterwards , my gosh , he could have really hurt me if he 'd wanted to . So that was pretty dumb on my part . Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know . I did not ask them . They invited me back as a volunteer to do the same work that I had been doing , and I went back a time or two , and then I thought , wait a minute , this is kind of dumb . If I could not work here because my knees were so bad for pay , why am I coming back as a volunteer to do the very same work ? So I decided I would do something else . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I went back to doing a lot of the volunteer work that I used to do . I had always done lots of volunteer work at different things . I had always - well , I 'd taught swimming for the Red Cross for years , enjoyed that thoroughly . I taught the swimming badge for the Boy Scouts , lifesaving badge for the Boy Scouts , taught different classes at church . For the last fifteen years , I 've been leading classes in helping people find their spiritual gifts that God has given them , which has been just one of the most exciting things to do imaginable , and leading other small groups . I 'm a very strong believer in that to have a deep faith in God , you need to belong to a small group , that people help sustain you , help you sustain your faith and support you in all kinds of things . And not everyone is fortunate enough to have a group of friends or people like this . And that 's what small groups do . And so studying and deepening your faith while you are making these relationships or carving out these relationships makes it doubly precious and really sustains you for years in everything you do . It 's been very helpful for me . Mrs . Osborne : Nope , no , they always had lots of volunteers and I always thought I would go back there . I did do the voice for one of their Oak Ridge shows way back . I was on recording there . Mrs . Osborne : It was a slide show . I 'm sorry , it was a slide show that they did with the voice going along with it , and the voice that went with it was me . And that went for quite a few years before they changed shows . So now they have professional people that do that , and I have never been a professional voice person . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I also sing . I used to . Since I quit working down there . I discovered that I 'd always wanted to be a torch singer and I love singing some of the old love songs : Gershwin , Cole Porter , and just a lot of the songs from the Second World War and just a lot of things like this I like . There are needs for this in some of the retirement centers and at the Keystone group down here , which is the daycare center for people with problems . Music stays with people longer than any other kind of memory . Singing some of the old songs brings back all kinds of things for them , and I love doing it . We were having cabarets at church also almost every year for a while when we would be putting on a dinner . And then eventually we wound up not doing a dinner ; we did just delicious homemade desserts and the show , and selling tickets . So I did a lot of this . I did a little directing and a lot of singing and this type of thing , and then I sang at the Daily Grind , which was a coffee house here in Oak Ridge , and that was fun . Mrs . Osborne : Right , right . They 're in the corner at Jackson Square . Yeah , I used to do that on Friday night once in a while . And , you know , you 'd end up singing for three hours straight , and that takes a little training to be able to do . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , that 's neat . You know , you were here during the sixties , and I think that Margaret Mead came here in the sixties . Is that right ? Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : I 've heard that she was critical of Oak Ridge because there weren 't any grandparents in Oak Ridge and she thought that you needed - Mrs . Osborne : Oh ! Well now she 'd be critical of Oak Ridge because it 's all grandparents . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : You know , she , bless her heart , she just had to be critical of things , and that 's a good point . But a lot of people wound up getting their parents to move here after they had children and said they were staying on here . After their parents retired , their parents wound up moving here and retiring to help take care of their grandchildren and whatnot . But , yeah , I remember she was not - she didn 't seem to find as much joy in Oak Ridge or pride in it as we all thought she should . And then there was a doctor - who was the doctor from Georgia that I used to go to ? Mrs . Osborne : Dr . Greenblatt , from Georgia . He was a specialist in hormones , and Carbide actually had him come up and talk to all the wives that would go to hear him , about how to go through difficult times in your life , go through menopause or whatnot , or how to help your children out if they were having hormone problems or this type of thing , and he came up , and that 's where I went to hear him . And he was very far out as far as most people were concerned . He believed in having not just shots , hormone shot , or taking pills , but he believed in having them put pellets , hormone pellets , into the abdomen or into the hip that would last for five to six months for people . And he did the same thing for children that were not growing as they should or not developing as they should , and he was a specialist in this down at the University of Georgia , I believe . Mr . Osborne : I think it was the University of Georgia at Augusta . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , okay . So , anyway , I used to have one of his books that he had written , also on this . He was really an expert on this . And I wound up going to him quite a few times . He was an amazing man . All these people that are really amazing have egos , or a lot of them , have egos to go along with it . So they are sometimes their own worst enemy . But it 's amazing how much they know . And Oak Ridge just seemed to have the best of everything back in the fifties and sixties . Back when I was a girl , you didn 't have to worry about locking your doors , you didn 't have to worry about who your children were going with , because everybody that was in here had been investigated and had some sort of clearance or some sort of investigation done . You did not have to - it was just safe everywhere . And one of the really neat things is there were all these greenbelt areas between houses to give you more privacy , so you didn 't have just house right behind house behind house in a lot of cases . And I know where we lived , there was a gravel path that went through the woods and up these - across a little bridge that across this great huge drainage ditch that would just be roaring with water after the rains , and up some steps and up onto Georgia Avenue , and then right over down one of those lanes and down to the - across Blankenship field and up to the school there . That 's how I walked to school . And when you 're coming home from the movie , that 's how you walked home , through the woods this way , and it was perfectly safe because there weren 't any weirdoes around that - at least certainly no weirdoes that anybody heard of or knew about . Everything was completely safe . And as a teenager , this was just so romantic to get to walk through the woods with your boyfriend and be out of sight of your parents this way . I mean this was just really really terrific . Mrs . Osborne : We had a " D " house down at the bottom of Fulton Lane . It was the only " D " house on the street , and we had to live in the Guest House for the first two weeks waiting for our things to get here and for the house to be finished . And they finished the house and we moved in , and it was a very , very nice house . It was at the bottom , so we were at the cul - de - sac sort of thing . We had houses across the street . There wasn 't anything at the end but just a parking area and then the woods behind us and our porch faced the greenbelt area . A " D " house was really a lovely house . Mrs . Osborne : Senior . He was the one that wound up having the heart transplant and this sort of thing . Anyway , he was the only one out there at that time . And then , after I had been on the Math Panel - I don 't remember how long , I guess just a year or two - they hired a young black woman mathematician - she had her master 's degree in Math - to come and work on the Math Panel . Really a nice young lady . Her husband was a professor at Knoxville College . So when she came , I didn 't realize what a big deal this was , but other people did . When you 're twenty - one , you don 't sometimes realize how important some things are , and it turned out that for her to go to the cafeteria was absolutely terrible , because we were like three blocks from the cafeteria , so you always walked down , naturally , because you couldn 't bring your car in . So you walked to the cafeteria , you bought your food , you sat in there and ate . So you would go to lunch with friends . So when - I can 't remember her name . That 's terrible ; I can picture her but I cannot remember her name . But she was really nice , and so we made plans that three of us were going to take turns going to lunch with her so she would never have to go down there by herself , because sure enough , when she walked in the cafeteria , a lot of the workmen would glare at her and make comments and this sort of thing , because there just had not been any black people eating in there and they were not used to this at all . So we made sure that she never had to go by herself to the cafeteria . And this was fine . We had worked [ it ] out very well , and we enjoyed having lunch with her . Mrs . Osborne : No , but it would have been really tough for her to have to sit by herself at a table , you know . They would not have done anything to her , I 'm sure , but they would have gone out of their way to make comments or something like that . But the fact that she always had two guardians , more or less , with her made it much easier . So her husband had a birthday while she was working there at the lab . So she decided to have a big party for him , and she invited Morris and I , and she invited this other girl from the Math Panel , Nancy Dismuke and her husband Stewart , to go also . So we decided we were all going to go , wondering what it was going to be like , and so we drove with the - the Dismukes drove , we rode with them over to Knoxville and to the Knoxville College area there where they lived and we went into this party . And everybody in the party had a master 's degree or a Ph . D . except for us , I think . [ laughter ] Except for Morris and I , that is , because Nancy Dismuke had a master 's . But they were all from Knoxville College , professors , and there were some white professors . I didn 't realize Knoxville College had some white professors at that point , which they did . So it turned out it was really a strange feeling to be completely surrounded by all blacks , because I had never in my entire life had this happen . And it was just - strange is the only way - and I 'm sure it was as strange for them to see us coming in when they didn 't know us at all . The other white people that worked at Knoxville College fit in just fine , but we were - they weren 't real sure about what we were going to be like or what we were going to say or do , I 'm sure . But we played games and wound up having a nice time . It was a lovely party , with your usual soft drinks and cake and coffee , and this type of thing , and just a happy birthday . Her husband was a really nice guy . She didn 't work for a real long time . She only worked for about a year or two there and then she left . I have a picture of the Math Panel group with hDr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , I 'm sure . When did they start doing the free breakfasts for underprivileged children ? Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know , because they didn 't have them when I worked at Linden . The child was allowed to - the one child I was thinking of was allowed to sleep under a table until almost noon because he was so tired . There were like ten kids in the family and one bed , and so he always got pushed out of bed because he was the youngest . So he would come and sleep under this table , and then would - I don 't know if he had to wait till lunch or if when we had recess , whether they could get him something to eat then . But I know that the counselor there at school would take him up and shower him off and find clean clothes for him and this type of thing , because he had no care at home at all , this one child , had not whatsoever , and it 's just pitiful to see this happen . But they could have been a white family . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yeah . Now , I did not know that until much later that Oak Ridge had a real problem finding teams to play them in the different sports , in football or in basketball because they had integrated . We 're a government town , and so naturally you are integrating . And the other schools around in Tennessee did not want to play a school that had blacks on the team . They weren 't going to have their boys having to get up close and personal and play these guys . So they had an awful time filling the schedules , and they had to offer all kinds of incentives in order to fill the football schedule and whatnot , so that was tough . Mrs . Osborne : We did at that time . We had better equipment , better uniforms . The poverty level around in Tennessee was - or the poverty , not just the level , but the poverty - was very prevalent , and it showed up in things like teams and uniforms and all this sort of thing , which was not considered such a big deal back then as it is now . Now , everybody knows that the more important thing , part of school , is your football and your basketball . Anyway , but that may be one reason we 're behind the Chinese and Japanese , I 'm not sure . But anyway , then it wasn 't that big a thing , and we also , of course , had much better schools . We had teachers that came from all over the place and we had classes - we had science classes that they didn 't have in the local schools around , just all sorts of things here , as well as having drama and art and music and - I 'm sure they had music in some of the things , but we had - Oak Ridge schools just had a lot of things that other schools in the surrounding area could not afford , and that was sort of held against us . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : And also , you had said something about going to shop in Knoxville and Clinton . What was that like ? How did they treat Oak Ridgers ? Mrs . Osborne : Well , I did not shop in Clinton . Clinton was a real little backwater town . It wasn 't worth stopping in , I 'm sorry , at that point . Now , it 's a lovely place to go antiquing , and once you found out about Hammer 's , back before they moved particularly , Hammer 's was always fun to go to . Mrs . Osborne : Hammer 's was a local department store that was in this old building with all kinds of little out - of - the - way rooms and whatnot and little steps here and there and roundabout and they would get in truckloads of stuff that maybe came from a fire sale or came from something or other or came from QVC that didn 't sell . I 'm not sure where all . And they 'd sell at just really , really small prices . I know a girl who got lots of money for college by buying these - what were the shirts that had the duck on it or something like that ? Mrs . Osborne : Izod shirts . She used to go to Hammer 's and buy the Izod shirts , the seconds , and sell them to her sorority sisters at the University of North Carolina for regular prices and make all kinds of money this way . She was very much an entrepreneur and earned a lot of money this way . But that 's the sort of thing that Hammer 's had , if you could get in there . Somebody I know bought a baby grand piano from them . I did buy some wicker furniture from them once , and I used to go over there and get fabric and I 've gotten , you know , a few articles of clothing there at different times , but now it 's - it still has some good buys , I 'm sure , but I 'm too old and tired to shop there anymore . Mrs . Osborne : It moved , no , it 's still in Clinton , but it 's out at the other end of Clinton , now . It 's not in downtown Clinton anymore ; it 's out just before you get to the river , out past where the fairgrounds are on the other side , so it 's not as interesting . It 's in a normal place now instead of being in a funny little hole place . Mrs . Osborne : I did go to Knoxville , and the thing that was so remarkable about Knoxville is the coal soot . I can remember standing on the corner , waiting for a bus , and winding up with black specks all over my coat and my face , and if you touched them , it just spread , because it was coal soot , and it would just grind right into your skin and into your coat , the fabric of it , whatever , and I had never - I mean , we had coal furnaces in Michigan , but we didn 't have coal soot like that . I don 't know if it was a difference in coal or - Mrs . Osborne : I do not remember noticing that . Now I know that we had the same furnace in our " D " house that everybody had , but I have no idea if it was a coal furnace or not because I don 't remember ever getting coal from a coal truck . So whether it might have been an oil furnace back then , I don 't know . Mrs . Osborne : We did not get a coal delivery that I know of . We had no coal . Now , the cemestos did not . I know the flattops did , because this friend that I used to visit in a flattop definitely had the place where the coal was kept out in front and the little coal stove inside and whatnot , but in the cemesto you didn 't have that . So whether I was just too dense to remember it or whether we had a different kind of furnace - Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Well , you remembered it being smoggy in Knoxville , so chances are the problems were worse in Knoxville than they were in Oak Ridge . Mrs . Osborne : They definitely were . They definitely were . And this was in downtown Knoxville on Gay Street , because I was standing on Gay Street because Miller 's was on Gay Street then , and Miller 's was the big department store . Mrs . Osborne : Okay , they were fine . It was the kids at school that used to make fun of the way I talked , and one of the words that they always thought was the funniest was the way I said ' cow , ' and they would always say , " Say ' cow , ' Barbara . Listen to her . Listen to her , now . Say ' cow . ' " And [ I would say ] , " Cow . " They 'd " [ laughter ] . " And I 'd think , " What 's wrong with the way I say ' cow , ' " you know , but who knows . Mrs . Osborne : But I could tell whether I was or whether - I think I could tell if you were . So it 's really strange . It depends on where you 're from . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . Everybody has different speech features . How do you think - you know , sometimes people talk about having trouble with businesses in Knoxville because they were obviously not from this area , and the Knoxvillians knew that and they didn 't really like outsiders . You seem to have a pretty good experience in Knoxville from what I can tell , and maybe after the Manhattan Project , it wasn 't so much of a problem . Mrs . Osborne : It made the culture so different from every place else , that we 're spoiled . We think that all other towns are bound to be something like Oak Ridge , that they 're going to have people that are willing to listen to the pros and the cons and then make a decision , that there are people who you can argue with and maybe change their mind that aren 't just completely hidebound and something like this . And somehow , when you get away from Oak Ridge , you find that 's not necessarily true . You get into some of the good old boy stuff , and if you aren 't either a Democrat or a Republican , depending on where you are , why , you don 't have anything good to say or anything worth listening to and so forth and so on , and you 're never going to change somebody 's mind . If you 've got God and logic on your side , you still aren 't going to be able to change their mind , that there are people like this . Because the majority of people in Oak Ridge are operating from a brain and they have learned through the years - now , I 'm not saying everybody , but I 'm saying the majority of people that you run into here are people who have used their minds and found out there 's rights and wrongs and there 's some shady , gray shades in this world and there are some things that you just can 't come out and say is either black or white , and this type of thing . I think we have gotten very spoiled . I know our oldest son found this out . He was the one that went into restaurant management and being a chef . When he went to other towns to help open restaurants , he found some of the narrow - mindedness in some of the South Carolina towns absolutely appalling compared to what he was used to from here in Oak Ridge , the people here . Mrs . Osborne : The things that they say , their beliefs , you know , whether it 's the good old boys on football Saturday or whether it 's the fact that they 're going to fly the - I think South Carolina was having a real problem with the Confederate flag back about the time that he was there , so whether it had something to do with that , and the fact that he is a reader . He has just read more stuff than - I thought I was a reader , but he is really - he reads all of an author and then goes on to the next author and then , you know , this type of thing , and he is what I would consider an extremely well - read individual . So the fact that he had trouble finding people with the same interests that he had once he left Oak Ridge , that had something to do with it maybe . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Were people in Oak Ridge ever worried during the integration of the schools ? I mean , you say you don 't remember many problems , but were they worried about violence ? Because they had all that violence in Clinton . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yes , they really were . Everybody in the South was worried about violence . And I think as a result , a lot of Oak Ridgers stepped up to try to minimize any violence that might crop up or to try to stop it before it happened , this type of thing . What happened in Clinton was bad , and what happened in Mississippi was terrible , and it just is completely against everything you believe in . If you have a Christian faith , you can 't possibly approve of that sort of thing . And I cannot imagine any of the Jewish faith wanting that sort of thing either , that they would be just as appalled as - I said this badly by saying Christian faith , but my experience is coming from what I think is the Christian faith , but my Jewish friends would likewise be just as appalled by that sort of thing . So I think Oak Ridge definitely stepped up to try to avoid anything like that and to make sure that Clinton was safe going to school here , in the old Linden School , like they could do , and that that was one of the better things that came out of it . Mrs . Osborne : Right , at the old Linden . The new Linden had just opened , and so the old Linden School was not being used at that point . So they came and used that for a year . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : I have a few more questions about when you first came to Oak Ridge and just going back to the war years before you came to Oak Ridge . When you came to Oak Ridge , were you very much aware of the activity of security personnel , the guards ? Did you see much military security around ? Mrs . Osborne : I don 't remember ever noticing them . I mean , I was a high school kid , and I didn 't notice that . I had no reason to . I 'd never been in any kind of trouble . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , my father always had a very large victory garden , and he was really good at growing all sorts of things , and my mother canned things and dried things . And that was before you had freezers , really , so you weren 't freezing things . Meat was rationed during the war , so I can remember - chicken was not , and I can remember they bought twenty - five slaughtered chickens and canned them one year , just in your big glass jars , so we used a lot of chicken that year . But Dad , yeah , Dad always had lots of tomatoes and corn and just your usual things . And it was out on the edge of town where he had the victory garden . Everybody was renting little spaces to have their gardens , and we would ride out there in the evening and pick and do different things . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's interesting . I didn 't realize people had them away from their homes . I always thought the victory garden would be at your house . Mrs . Osborne : No , no , it was bigger than that , than your backyard , so I mean you really were growing food . And we also collected the tinfoil from everywhere . If anybody saw a piece of tinfoil , you know , if somebody chewed a piece of gum , you automatically stripped the tinfoil off of it , and you always had a ball of tinfoil in your pocket or somewhere , in your purse , if you were a girl , and you just added that to the ball . And the same was true with string . Every little string , you wound it around . If anybody threw down a cigarette package , you immediately grabbed it up and the inside had tinfoil between the two paper layers , and so you stripped that off . But you saved every little bit this way . And the used cooking oil , saved for something . Mrs . Osborne : And I remember I got , one time , I managed to get a five pound bag of sugar for my mother for her birthday , without using - I didn 't have any rationing stamps , because my mother had all the ration books , and it was her birthday , and I was trying to get something that she would like , and I decided that a bag of sugar would be just perfect . I went to this little store where they knew me and knew my mother , and I asked them if I could possibly buy a bag of sugar , and somehow , I don 't know how , they let me have a bag of sugar , and I took it home and wrapped it up for mother 's birthday . She was tickled to death to get a five pound bag of sugar . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I 'm sure . My parents would have been extremely happy . I was what , about twelve ? Or less than that . Mrs . Osborne : Well , Dad worked for the Atomic Energy Commission here in Oak Ridge , and came in ' 49 and went to work for them as the assistant head of the Budget Division , and stayed until about ' 63 . In ' 63 , he was transferred to Las Vegas , to the Las Vegas office - which , I never knew AEC had a Las Vegas office until then . They were there for a couple of years and then he was transferred to the Panama Canal Zone to work on the feasibility of building a second Panama Canal . This was before the first Panama Canal had been turned over to Panama . They knew - the United States knew that we had to turn it over to Panama , and they were wondering , they were afraid about what was going to happen . So they got to thinking about , what about the feasibility of building a second one , so that we would always have one . So Dad and several men from Engineering in the Army were the group picked to study this , and so he and Mother moved to Panama . And everybody else that worked on this project was military , so they lived on the military base there , except my mother and father were not military , so they had to live off the base , and the other ladies would let Mother know about how much she was missing by not being able to use the clubs there and the groceries there and all this sort of thing , and [ they would remark ] , " What a shame your house has cracks in it so the bugs come through , " and all this . So , anyway , Mother didn 't like it at all , but Dad loved it . He loved being out in the jungle , and they were trying to find where they would build one . And so they were just back in the jungle a lot of the time , hiking and trying to decide where would be a place that they could do this and how much would it cost , what would be - and they came up with the fact that it would not be a feasible thing to do , so that was their recommendation , was to not do it . Mrs . Osborne : I know when I went back to school as an adult , I heard a young guys talking about - over at the college - I heard a young guy talking about how the cancer rate in Oak Ridge was so high . His aunt had cancer now , and that she said it was due to all the radiation and everything in Oak Ridge , that everybody was getting cancer . And I said I didn 't think they were . And so then you realize that if you try arguing with him , you 're not going to get anywhere , that , just be quiet and let him say whatever he wants to say , and that 's the only way to go , that he had already made up his mind and was very busy sharing this with the other people in the class , that Oak Ridgers just had more chance of getting cancer than people anywhere else . Mrs . Osborne : They used to do that when I worked at the museum here . They used to ask if I lived in Oak Ridge , and then if I had any children , and they they 'd try to phrase it as nicely as possible , " Were the children all right ? " " Did they have two heads ? " or something like this , so I assured them they were all fine . Mrs . Osborne : Well , it has very good health care . I guess the fact that Oak Ridge has more to offer in the way of entertainment . They have an excellent Playhouse , they have an excellent Symphony Orchestra , they have ballet , a couple of pretty good ballet companies . They can perform with the opera company in Knoxville .
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Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : It is September 25th , 2010 , and this is Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , the Coordinator for the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History interviewing Barbara Osborne in her home . Barbara , your family came to Oak Ridge from Michigan in 1949 . What was your family doing prior to arriving in Oak Ridge and why did you move to Oak Ridge ? Mrs . Osborne : We lived in Birmingham , Michigan , where my father worked either in Detroit or in Pontiac , depending on the office that he was in . After the war , the jobs were all given to the veterans , where he had not been allowed to go into the military because his work was too important , so he had to find another job . This is just - they said it wasn 't fair , but this sort of thing just happened . A friend of his who was in Oak Ridge wrote him and said come and apply for a particular job that was open here . So he came down , applied for the job , got it and came back and moved us to Tennessee . We had never - I had never been out of the state of Michigan before , so it was very different . I heard all sorts of wild tales from kids at school and wild tales about what Oak Ridge was going to be like : mud and people making booze in the bathtub . And part of this was true . Mud was true , but the other I never found . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : [ laughter ] What are your memories ? You came to Oak Ridge when you were in high school , and then right after you moved here , the city gates opened . What are your memories of the opening of the city gates and the parade ? Mrs . Osborne : Oh , huge crowds ! I think the only people that I know of that weren 't there were the rest of my family . I 'm the only one from my family that went to the parade , and I don 't know why they didn 't go . I guess they just didn 't want to get stuck in a crowd . But I went down , and I was standing in front of the old Jackson Square Post Office watching these movie stars go by , and they looked so glamorous , and it was just excitement . I had watched Queen for a Day , which you 're way too young to know about , so seeing Jack Bailey in person was really exciting , and of course Rod Cameron was every bit as gorgeous as he was on the screen , to say nothing of Marie McDonald , and she had a beautiful fur coat on . That was when it was okay to have a fur coat . So it was just really , really exciting . And the bands were good , and , you know , just everything , the whole atmosphere was just wonderful . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I 'd never heard a real southern accent before , and I 'd never heard an East Tennessee accent . And a lot of them had never heard a Michigan accent , which I had never thought of as being an accent . The first day I was in school here , I could not understand anything anybody said - any of the students said to me . I could understand the teachers , but I couldn 't understand the students . So when I was being shown around the school by one of the girls , I never did understand where she said the lunchroom was , and so the first day I went without eating lunch because I was too embarrassed to ask , try to ask anybody else , " Where do I go to find the cafeteria ? " Because I just simply couldn 't understand what they were saying to me , and I was scared to death , and you know , just your usual teenage angst I guess . Mrs . Osborne : Back then , not everybody had a car like they do now , because there wasn 't much of any place to go except the Snow White Drive - In , which was the headquarters for all dating purposes at that point . If you had a date , you usually wound up there getting something to eat , and if you didn 't have a date , you wound up there with friends , driving around to see who did have a date [ laughter ] , and that 's just where it was happening at this point , which is very - it 's so much like Happy Days , to be honest , and so peacefully innocent compared to today 's happenings , I think . If somebody drank , it was a big thing , not a common thing . You know , it was just , " Oh , what a terrible boy that must be . " You certainly never wanted to date anybody like that , where , I don 't know , standards seem to have changed a whole lot . Mrs . Osborne : Well , they brought it in with them , however they could . There were people that made regular runs over to North Carolina to try to furnish alcohol for a party , and they would cover up the stuff in their trunk however they could , hide it under spare tires , I don 't know . One of the stories was about hiding the bottles of liquor under a sleeping baby in a baby bed in the back seat of the car , and of course you didn 't want to disturb the baby by searching under there , so they managed - I don 't know if the child , how the child could sleep on top of it , but obviously it must have been well padded . And supposedly that really happened . But some people got caught and they got in serious trouble , and some people didn 't get caught . I imagine it depended on whoever was the guard at the gate or whether or not you happened to know the guard at the gate , you know , just all sorts of things go into this . Mrs . Osborne : There were buses , and it cost ten cents , and they went all over town , and you could transfer from one bus to another . So I could go home - I walked to school from where I lived , but I could go home with my friends by just having a dime and getting on the bus with them and go and spend the afternoon at someone 's home , even if they lived out on the west end of town . So that made it very simple . Mrs . Osborne : They did , yes . I did more of that when I became a senior in high school . I was extra young as a junior and probably the youngest person in the class , so my parents were very strict with me and I didn 't do a lot of that , but later on , yes , I can remember going to see Rock City , and going to Big Ridge , going swimming and being in a canoe that got turned over , and you know , the guy lost his shoes [ laughter ] , but he learned to never dive out of a canoe . Mrs . Osborne : And that 's where we had senior skip day back then . That was before it got dangerous . It 's probably in the last five year period before it got dangerous . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . So , that 's when the school started really , you know , everybody had to do - if you went anywhere , it was by bus with the whole group doing the same thing , and we went to Big Ridge for senior skip day . I remember senior skip day . I loved that place . It was a lot of fun back then . Mrs . Osborne : As a matter of fact , I was involved in Bridge Club , and I didn 't even know how to play bridge . I was involved in Maskers also ; I was in several plays , and scared to death to stand up in front of an audience , but determined to try to get over it . And I played the mother . Only one time did I ever get to play a romantic lead . The rest of the time , I was always cast as the mother or the friend or something like this . Mrs . Osborne : I really can 't . I can remember the name of - the only time that I played the romantic lead - who played opposite me , and that was the drum major at that time , Bob Barrett . And I remember my name when I was somebody 's mother . I was Mrs . Chickester . But what was the name of the play ? Mrs . Osborne : My father said , " Get a job . " And he , either he or my mother , found out that the drug store that they got their prescriptions filled at , Elm Grove Drug Store , was looking for a counter clerk , and so I went down there and applied for a job , and they hired me , and I worked there that summer , and if ever a job made you appreciate what a college education could do for you , that was it . It was so hot ; there was no air conditioning , and you were on your feet the whole time and busy the whole time you were there . I was the soda jerk . I made wonderful milkshakes and sodas and , you know , all kinds of things . And [ I was ] very carefully watched by the man who owned the store to make sure I didn 't put an extra scoop of ice cream in any of my friends ' things . So , you know , I was honest to a T , absolutely , or honest to a fault , I guess is the term . And he wound up really liking me and asking my parents as I went off to college , you know , " When is Barbara coming home ? I want her to work on such - and - such a weekend ; I 'm having a sale , " or , " When , " you know , " Can she come back then ? Can she work over Christmas ? " This type of thing . So he liked me and I liked the fact that I didn 't have to do that for a living . Mrs . Osborne : Just turned seventeen during the summer . So off I went to Tennessee Wesleyan , and the minister , our minister from First Methodist Church took me and got me registered . He got my parents to say - give me permission to go . And moved into this very old dorm with a dried up little old lady dorm mother , and I wound up becoming the only - there were only two of us that started - we started in the winter quarter , because it took the minister that long to get my parents to give me permission to go . They just didn 't want me to leave that soon . And so only two of us started school in the winter quarter . So she was my roommate , the other girl , and she lasted two weeks and went home . So I was the only person in the entire school with no roommate , and that 's kind of a lonesome way to be . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : So what was that like ? Did you live in your room , or did you have a sleeping porch ? What was that like ? Mrs . Osborne : No , you lived in your room , and the rules there were very different from what they are now . Your parents had to sign a paper saying you could get in a car or you couldn 't get in a car . My parents refused to sign saying I could get in a car , so therefore I was not allowed to ride with anybody anywhere . They also - the dorm mother came around and made sure that you - or tried to make sure that you cleaned your room every week , and that your bed was made every day , and I was one of the biggest problems , because I decided to rebel on all the things I had been taught at home , and never make the bed and never clean the room . My parents got quite a few phone calls that year about their rebellious daughter [ laughter ] . But I joined the Tennessee Wesleyan Choir , and got some absolutely marvelous experience there and wonderful praise from the choir director , who was a real stickler . He kept saying things like , " If there are any more altos like you in Oak Ridge , send them to me ! " So I really enjoyed that and we did different shows . I worked in Maskers there at Wesleyan . The choir went on choir trips singing at churches around in different parts of Tennessee . We sang with the Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra on Beethoven 's 9th Symphony . What else did we do , things that were big time for me at that point ? It was just lots of fun . Oh , yeah , we put on Sigmund Romberg 's The Desert Song , and I learned to love Sigmund Romberg 's music through that , which I still have , a love for his music . But that was a terrific experience , the music part . And I started taking Botany because my father insisted I had to take a science ; I had to major in a science . So that was my way of rebelling against , you know , not taking any of the , what I consider the harder sciences , Chemistry or Biology or something . Botany , I was doing it my way , which is very silly . There were no jobs in botany , or at least very few , but I didn 't really care ; I was just having fun . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds like it . So after college , you moved back to Oak Ridge and got a job here . Where did you work and what was it like to work there ? Mrs . Osborne : I actually didn 't finish college . My father had me drop out after two years because I failed typing . I couldn 't stay awake ; it was at eight o ' clock in the morning , and I didn 't go to bed early enough to . I would just be so bored I would sit there and go to sleep with my hands on the keyboard . You don 't pass doing things like that . So he was really upset with me after being an extremely good scholar all my life , to fail a typing course . And so he made me go to Knoxville Business College and get a steno degree and then get a job . So after - I spent a year or nine months over in Knoxville , going to Knoxville Business College , hating every minute of it , and then I applied at the plants , which were run by Union Carbide at that point , and they started giving me all kinds of tests when I went in for filling out - I took the usual typing test and shorthand and then they started having me take some other tests , and I could not understand why . Then they called me to say I had been hired to work at X - 10 to be a computer operator on the first computer to be in the Southeast . I had no idea what they were talking about , because I 'd never heard of a big computer - a little handheld calculator , maybe , or a tabletop calculator , not handheld back then , but not a computer . And I went home and told my father and mother this and my father just about jumped out of his chair , he was so excited , because he knew all about this . Being in the Budget Division of AEC , he knew what the thing had cost and all about the logistics of it , the whole thing , and he just thought that was the most exciting thing and the fact that his daughter was going to be working on it , which was the most exciting thing he ever heard of . So I was hired to be a computer operator on the ORACLE , which was the first large computer in the entire Southeast . It was built in Argonne and then shipped down to X - 10 for the Math Panel at that point , and for the rest of the people at the lab to use , but it was going to be run by the Math Panel . ADr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds a little frustrating . Mrs . Osborne : It was frustrating , but that 's how everything starts . And it was exciting . I loved it . I loved learning about it , I loved working on it , and the more I worked on it , the more I wanted to do , so I wound up finally not being an operator . They hired some young men for that , and I was changed to becoming a programmer for the ORACLE . Now , the ORACLE stood for Oak Ridge Automatic Computer and Logical Engine . That 's O - R - A - C - L - E , yeah . And that 's what it stood for , and that was before FORTRAN , before any of the early languages . So people out there were writing subroutines ; we were shifting binary bits back and forth to do everything , to do additions , subtractions , multiplications , writing little routines to accomplish what people later accomplished in one word or one bit or this type of thing . So it was a very exciting time , and I thoroughly enjoyed a lot of that . Met a lot of people . Mrs . Osborne : Well , in my office , it was quiet , but when I worked on the computer , I was sitting at the console of this enormous machine that was probably , golly , I don 't think it was as big as a football field , but it was close to it , and it was just banks and banks and banks of these cathode ray tubes , with this enormous console in front of it . At least compared to what they are now , it was enormous . And where you 're flipping all kinds of little toggle switches and doing all sorts of things , and you 're working with all the best minds in the laboratory who were coming to put problems on and doing different things . And you 're sitting in front of a huge , great big plate glass window , which , seeing as I was twenty - one and single was kind of exciting , because everybody that I worked with had a single friend , it seemed like , and they were all walking by with their single friends and saying , " Would you like to meet her ? " So it was like being in show business almost . Mrs . Osborne : I was the only one right then , yes , for the first year . Now , there were women on the Math Panel , but they were definitely mathematicians , and I was not a mathematician at that point . I just sort of moved into that later . And evidently it was the test that they gave me that showed that I could do this or could handle it , that this was one of my strengths , so I always thought , how nice , had no idea what I was doing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , well , a lot of air conditioning . Very , very definitely a lot of air conditioning . And they checked whole banks of the tubes every single morning . The computer was down every morning for maintenance , and they would discover that something - there 'd been one tube blinking the day before , so who knows . At first it didn 't even run at night , you know , there wasn 't the need for it . And then as they began to find more uses for it and more uses for it , they started doing things at night out there , and I can remember riding out there at night with some physicists to help them with their programs , run them , and getting stopped by some of the , well , they were the guards there back by the plants , because physicists were not necessarily great drivers , the ones that were really good at some of the other things , at least these particular ones . They were brilliant men , and I 'm not saying that about all physicists , but we used to , as a young woman , we used to group them . Physicists were the ones that walked into doors and walked into people and this type of thing . Mrs . Osborne : And I married a physicist who never walks into doors or walks into people . I thought he was an engineer because he was just so neat and everything . But , yeah , we used to definitely pigeonhole the guys that walked down the hall to get coffee : " Oh yeah , that 's a chemist , you can tell , " or you 'd see him hit that wall , " He 's a physicist , " or - this sort of thing . It was a good place to be young . Mrs . Osborne : Well , the head of the Math Panel was a well known mathematician who wrote books and whatnot , Austin Householder , and he was one of the shyest men you 've ever seen in your life . He might have been a brilliant mathematician ; he was a brilliant mathematician . I can remember trying to read something that he had written one time and just , it was so far over my head , it was ridiculous . So he was definitely brilliant . But then there was a - several , what I would call big time - they became like vice presidents or assistant directors of the lab or something like this . I did meet Alvin Weinberg a time or two . And then there was Bob Sharpie , who was an assistant director , and he was an interesting man . He wound up becoming the head of some big company here in the United States , and , you know , multi - millionaire type person , becoming very well known . But at that point , he was just , what I thought was an extremely egotistical , hard to get along with person , who was an authority on a lot of things . And there was a program going on on television at that time called The $ 64 , 000 Question . There was a young high school girl who was on this show who was doing very , very well , and I can 't remember what her exact deal was , that you picked the field you want the questions in . When you got to the $ 64 , 000 question , which was the top one , you could have an authority come in and help you with it , and she picked Bob Sharpie to be her authority to come in . So we were - everybody in Oak Ridge was glued to the T . V . , if they had one back then , to watch that . And they won the $ 64 , 000 , she did . So he invited her and her parents to come and tour X - 10 , and I have a picture of them . And she 's just a normal looking girl , wearing glasses , everything - but obviously she was going to wind up being extremely good at whatever science she went into , and I never knew whatever happened to her . I hope she was a real success . But it was interesting to see , you know . Mrs . Osborne : First week . We were taking a bus - there was a bus that ran out to the lab - and so because you didn 't have a car you rode the bus . And when I went down to the bus stop , there were two of my friends from high school waiting for the same bus . So we were standing there talking and up came this nice young man to talk to one of the girls that I 'd gone to school with , and she introduced him to me , and it turned out that he was dating her at that point , or had had a couple of dates with her . And I thought he was really cute . And that was how I met him . And then we had all been asked to be ushers at an Oak Ridge Playhouse play later in the week , so we decided , well , we would - definitely none of us have a date for that , we would all do something together afterwards . So my parents dropped me off at the play . Actually the plays were at the Oak Ridge High School Auditorium right then , which was the old one up on Kentucky Avenue , and when I got there , I found out every other - there were four of us as usherettes at that point - the other three had each gotten a date . I 'm the only one that turned a date down and didn 't have one . So they were all going somewhere afterwards and I was not . Fortunately , friends of my parents were there at the play and gave me a ride home . But Morris always said - Morris was the date for this one girl , and he always said he felt so sorry for me standing there that he decided he wanted to ask me for a date . So I think I was his pity date [ laughter ] . Mrs . Osborne : But he never would ask me for a date far enough in advance . He would , you know , say , " How about could you go out , " he 'd call on Friday , " Could you go out with me on Monday night ? " Well , I already had a date Monday night . He had to call earlier than that . So after he asked me twice for a date and I turned him down each time , he said he wasn 't going to call me again , but I suggested what about such - and - such a night , when I was free , and so we went out then and that was the start of something that never stopped . By the fourth date , I knew that he was going to be the one that was going to - I was going to fall in love with him and make a big difference in my life . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , he was president of the Young Adult Fellowship at First Methodist Church , and I had always been very active in church . I was going to Kern Methodist Church at that point because it was closer to my home . So we had that and the fact that we both worked at X - 10 and we were both going to school at night and we both liked to go to the swimming pool . We did a lot of going to the swimming pool on weekends , and going up to the Smokies and driving around or hiking or both , having picnics on weekends , also . And we were both small town . In fact , he was even smaller : he 'd lived on a farm all his life . So it was definitely a reciprocating thing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , it was a very small wedding . Morris was in the process of doing some experiments with his job in solid state physics at that point , so we had to time the wedding between experiments . Because when an experiment was running , somebody had to be out there with it at night , and because the other people that were working on it all had families , he was the one that would be out with it at night . And a new husband doesn 't necessarily want to be spending the night out with an experiment . So we got married on a weekend that was at the end of one experiment and before the next one started , so we could have a honeymoon in there . And we had a very small wedding at Kern Methodist Church at eleven o ' clock in the morning , because that was before air conditioned churches , and it was in July and hot as blazes . Everything stuck to you because it was just so hot . It was mainly the people I worked with and the people he worked with and some of the people from church and friends of my parents and a few of our friends , mutual friends , and we had a reception downstairs , with just cake and punch and nuts and mints . That 's what used to be - you know , I can remember it cost ten dollars for the flowers . It cost ten dollars for the cake , because the lady that made the cake was just going into the business and that 's what she charged for this lovely cake . And a friend went over to Farmer 's Market and bought the flowers over in Knoxville and then decorated the church with them and then carried them downstairs for the reception . And I mean , it was - we got married - I used to say we got married on a dime and that was just about it . So , that 's why we had a big fiftieth wedding anniversary , because we had such a small wedding . But it certainly lasted . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , they threw the paper chad from the tapes , from all - typing all those tapes for the computer . They 'd been bagging up all those tiny , tiny little bits of paper that came out , and they were sort of a greasy paper , oily , and they had bags full of the stuff . It looked like it was just pouring rain when they were throwing this . And it got - the best man drove us away from the wedding in his mother 's car , and the car just got plastered with this stuff , and his mother never could get it completely cleaned out . [ laughter ] She wound up trading cars , I understand . And I was wearing a big white lace hat when I left on the honeymoon , and it was just full of these bits of little tiny round bits of paper chad , you know . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . Let 's see , when the children - we had three children , and I quit work when I was expecting the first child because I was having a lot of problems , so - and at that time , you stayed home with your children . You didn 't go back to work unless you were really an expert at something . And I was certainly not an expert at anything . So I stayed home as a mother , and then sixteen months later I had a second child , and then three years later I had a third child . So I was pretty busy . I stayed home until the third child went off to school . So when he went to school , I went back to work as an instructional aide at Linden School , was hired by the principal there that had been there for many , many years , and was just a wonderful lady . Mrs . Osborne : Around ' 65 , ' 66 , something like that . And so I worked there half - time as an instructional aide , so I was home when the children were home , and I could either drive them to school or pick them up from school and bring them home depending on whether I worked mornings or afternoons . I worked in third grade at least three of the years , and I worked in sixth grade one year . Got to go to Tremont with the sixth graders and teach crafts , which was - that was a wonderful week . It was one of the most enjoyable weeks of my life . I 'd been to Tremont as a mother , but to go as an instructor was even more fun . So I did that and I left Linden School because my husband was picked by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission to go to Germany as a guest scientist for two years to work at Kernforschungszentrum outside of Karlsruhe , West Germany . And so we moved the three children and our dog over there for two years , which was not an easy thing to do at that point . Our oldest son was a senior at high school , our daughter was a sophomore , and our youngest child was sixth grade . Mrs . Osborne : This was , you know , we went over in 1975 , so yeah . I 'm sorry , I must have gone back to work - I did not go back to work when I said I did . I must have gone back to work about ' 70 . Ah , okay , that makes a difference , yeah , sorry about that . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's all right . Was it hard to - you said you brought your dog over to Germany . Was that hard to do back then , or was it easy ? Mrs . Osborne : If you brought an animal in , it would be put to death . And so we were just terrified about what was going to happen to our dog , which - he was a member of our family , definitely . We 'd had his mother before him and had him since he was born . And I can remember when we got off the plane in London , we could see his crate being unloaded , and we were just sitting in there watching to see what they were going to do with it . And when we saw it go onto the plane going to Germany , that was such a relief . I don 't know what we would have done if they hadn 't done that . But they were having an outbreak of rabies in England at the time , and that 's why they had just shut down everything completely . But that was terrifying . And the children were already so upset about going that that 's all they needed was to find out that the dog might be missing when we got there . And there were people - when we got to Germany , I remember seeing , there were some animal crates going around , empty , on the carousel . Fortunately , ours still had a dog in it . Mrs . Osborne : And he was so glad to get out of there . But that was the hardest - they would not , back then , they wouldn 't allow animals up in the plane . He had to be down in baggage , which was not heated really or air conditioned or - you know , it was just really , really bad . So we were lucky he survived . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , very much so . Our dog had so many friends over there . We had friends that Morris knew from work there that wanted to keep him for every trip we went on , and we would come back - he was a dachshund , just a regular sized dachshund , and we tried to keep him fairly sleek , because they do have back troubles , and every time we came back from a trip , he would be just like a football . Mrs . Osborne : Stuffed to the gills , round as all get out , and have garlic breath from all the wurst that they 'd been feeding him . He just loved those German friends and they loved him . Oh boy , " He is just such a good dog , he just loves staying with us . " Yes , he did . He got spoiled rotten . And we 'd have to run him all over the place to get him slimmed down again , get him back on dog food . And , " I don 't know why you feed him dog food . He really likes salami better . " Well , yes , he does . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , the weather . It got dark so early . It would be , in the wintertime , it would be dark - by the time our children got off the school bus , it was already dark . So playing outside , there wasn 't any such thing . And it was dark when they left for school in the morning . Just all kinds of things like this . And where we were , we didn 't have a lot of snow . The temperature 's something like Oak Ridge , except a little bit more - it rained every single day , and you didn 't have the sunny days . Like , Oak Ridge is wonderful in that we have these beautiful sunny days in the middle of winter that just restores your faith in humanity and life . Everybody needs this , and in Germany you did not have this . It was just gray , day after day after day . Of course they had lots of celebrations and lots of parties and Fasching was huge , huge . Fasching was a time of parades everywhere and lots of people dressing up and we went to special Fasching parades and villages over there where they had people all dressed up in these very old masks , witch masks , wooden ones , and went around dressed as witches and poked their brooms at the dog - you took your dog everywhere in Germany - and would give out candy to the children , you know , scare them and then give them candy , this type of thing . Everything was just so different and it was so clean over there ; it was wonderful . You were responsible for keeping the street in front of your house clean , and I was responsible for keeping the stairs and the landing - we were on the second floor of a house , where we were living , and I was responsible for keeping that mopped . Now , some things were very , very hard . The German washing machines back then - this was in the days of polyester , and a lot of our clothes were polyester , and the German washing machines started with cold water , heated the water up to boiling , took like two hours to do a load and sort of boiled the clothes , so what happened to polyester was terrible . We did not ever buy a German washing machine . We wound up Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . So did your children enjoy school in Germany and did they learn German ? Mrs . Osborne : Our daughter did and our youngest son wound up enjoying it . Our oldest son did not . He just couldn 't make it . We had assured him that if he would just try , that if he couldn 't make the switch , we would send him back to graduate with his class here , because he was a senior in high school . And he just could not make the change . So we sent him back to Oak Ridge by himself just about New Year 's . He had to be back for a whole semester in order to graduate with his class at Oak Ridge High School . So some friends of ours that had a daughter his age had said he could stay with them . He didn 't know them that well , but he came back and stayed with them . It was very , very hard on him . I would never do that again . I don 't know how we would handle it if it ever came up again , but that was , for him , it was a bad , bad year . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , it is too bad . The other two wound up making a switch . Linda wound up becoming very good in German and Paul wound up enjoying himself . Now they were going to an American school on the Army base . We had promised them - there was no school that taught in English around there , and we only had six weeks notice that we were going to be going , moving over , so we had no time to learn the language ahead of time . So we had assured them that they would be going to a school where they would be taught in English . So they went to a military school , which was a terrible school . It was not a good one at all . After going to the Oak Ridge schools , it was a real , real letdown . The first class we ever took our oldest son into , it was an English class , and there were guys sitting in there reading comic books , getting credit for reading comic books , and David had been in advanced classes at Oak Ridge High School . Mrs . Osborne : So the teacher just said to us , " Get him out of here as fast as you can ; send him home . " So that 's another reason that he wound up going home . So he did okay scholastically , but emotionally it was just really not good . He was too young to be away from the family . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . It was not easy . They spoke English to him and spoke German to each other , so that he had to really learn fast and try to get really good in order to know what was going on , and it was not easy for him , either . We were the first of several families that were sent over for this project , and it was a project to have the - like , Morris was supposed to be working with people over there who were working on the same type of thing that he had been working on here at the lab , so that they didn 't have to duplicate the same experiments and whatnot . They could share information back and forth , which obviously makes sense financially as well as other ways , so that 's what it was all about , and we learned a whole lot by being over there , found out how insulated we had been living in our little puddle here in Oak Ridge , that we thought we were big time stuff because there were people here from all over the world and actually we weren 't all that big time stuff . When you get out in the world , you find out . So we learned a lot of different - did lots and lots of traveling , went to Holland and Belgium and Spain and Egypt and Italy , and we have all the usual things : got robbed in Italy , got sick in Spain . And went to Czechoslovakia , which was a closed - in country back then and that was on a - actually , we joined a military tour , or one that was sponsored by the officers ' wives club , this sort of thing , so it was very inexpensive . And did the same thing - went to London . I took the kids and went to London for three or four days and went to the ballet and just did all kinds of - the museums and whatnot . Just did a lot of things so that they had all kinds of advantages over people that never get to do any of these things . And I had all kinds of advantages this way . I loved the traveling . I loved going to different castles and seeing all the churches and the age of the cities . Like , they 'd be having their thousand year anniversary . And that 's when the United States was having its two - hundredth . Mrs . Osborne : We were having a really big celebration and everything , and Elvis Presley died while we were over there , and that was a big thing in Germany , too . I was just amazed at how much the Germans loved him . But he had been in Germany when he was in the military . And I was in a German American woman 's club in which we had a little cooking group of eight ladies , and we took turns cooking . The American ladies would cook one month and the German ladies would cook the next month , and then exchange recipes and whatnot . Jimmy Carter was elected president while we were over there and he had cheese grits . Well , they had never heard of cheese grits , and they wanted to know what they were , so we fixed a brunch for the ladies in our group , the German ladies , in which we fixed cheese grits and sausage balls and eggs and this sort of thing , like you would have a southern - and biscuits and whatnot . And they did things like - everything that they did had lots of liquor in it . We had Black Forest cake , which has a whole bottle of Kirschwasser in it , which is , whoa , that stuff burns all the way down . I think you could light the cake on fire . Mrs . Osborne : And just lots of things like that , and had some of the most wonderful mushroom soup that they made one time , just some things that you would never have had an opportunity to try otherwise , just heavenly . And you learned what some of the customs were . Anytime you have a coffee over there , you end the coffee by serving something alcoholic just before you send everybody home , which is not what 's done in this country . Mrs . Osborne : And we were always scared to death that we would get stopped by the police on the way home . But you couldn 't insult them by saying no . At least we never would have done that . Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Yeah . But they appreciated finding out some of these things . And we had just a regular picnic for them one time with hotdogs and hamburgers and potato salad and the whole thing , just as they were trying to do typical dishes for us that they would use . So it was fun exchanging . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I was very restless when I came back and I had been to so many wonderful , wonderful museums , that I thought , I want to work for a museum . So I went down here to what was then the American Museum of Atomic Energy , which is now the American Museum of Science and Energy , and I got a job . And the longer I worked there , the more responsibility they gave me . I started out working in the gift shop and working as a - doing one or two of the little audience shows that they had . I did the genetics show with the animals , and then I wound up - they were giving me more things to read and more things to read and wound up doing one on reactors . I think I told you that when I found out that I had this physics class from Harvard in my audience one day around the reactors , I decided , oh boy , you better get back to school if you 're going to answer questions from people like this . So that 's when I decided to go back to school , and I went back to UT and started after twenty - five years of being out of school , just signed up for a full load . I continued working at the museum the first year and then I had to quit because I just had too many labs and everything to have time for that . So I went back for two years , loved it , just loved going back to school , because that 's one of those things you get your pats on the back , just right away . Here 's your grades . You 're either doing well or you 're not doing well , you know , you have something . It 's so different from being a housewife and always sort of wondering , " Did they really like that meal ? " Because the one that didn 't is going to tell you about it , but if they did like it , they 're not necessarily going to say anything . Going back to school is really a positive experience ; it was for me . And I really enjoyed being around the kids . They treated me like I was practically one of them . They loved to borrow my notes because I took very good notes and much better than they did , and they like to study with me for exams and stuff . Mrs . Osborne : Well , actually , no . It had been twenty - five years , and I just - actually it had been thirty years since I had done that , and I had never really used my shorthand , so no , I really couldn 't do that . But I certainly was really good at other things , and I just took things that I enjoyed and wound up getting my degree in Botany and doing some lab work for one of the botanists over there that was a lot of fun . I mean , it was a lot of work , too , but it was fun to do it . I thoroughly enjoyed it . I wound up trying to grow a strain of something or other and when she , my professor , examined what I had been carefully - every time , every week - dividing and spreading out on another Petri dish and dividing and this sort of thing , she found I was growing an absolutely terrible strain of staph [ Staphylococcus ] . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : But I 'd done it well . So , I said , " How could I have gotten that ? " And she said , " Well , everybody has staph on their body . " Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . And even though you 're running your hands under these lights to - you know , you 're washing and everything and then you 're running them under the special lights before you 're putting them under the hood to work and everything . But evidently I 'd gotten a staph bug in there . But she caught it and no harm done . And I had certainly learned the procedure even though I hadn 't grown the right thing . So that was interesting . Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Ah , yes , a student like me is really - oh , and I 'd learned - one of the really exciting things that I did , we had a lady professor , assistant professor , that taught one of my lab courses that specialized in spiders . So she was going to have us specialize in spiders that quarter . We had to go out in this field when it was all wet with dew and whatnot and try to trap spiders , crawling around on our hands and knees . And I thought , if my bridge club could only see me now : I 'm out here crawling around in the mud trying to find spiders , which I absolutely hate and trap them in this little glass jar and then dot them with a dot of color . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : We had started out in a babysitting club together with our children way back when I had the first child . We didn 't have grandmothers and people around that could babysit , and so a lot of the mothers banded together , like , twenty - five , thirty mothers would band together into a babysitting club , and took turns keeping the books . A different woman kept the books every month and you took calls from people who wanted a sitter and calls from people who were available to sit , and you matched them up this way . And if you used a sitter for three hours , you had to sit for somebody for three hours . And so it didn 't cost you anything . You had a well - trained mother that was sitting with your children , so you didn 't have to worry about them , and back then this was just really important , because everybody was getting by on as little as possible and wanting a good sitter , so this is what we did . And so I had met Connie in this , and we had formed a bridge club way back then . Well , she said they needed a clerk at the library and why didn 't I come and interview . So I did . And I didn 't want to be a library clerk per se , but then she explained that probably the circulation supervisor would be leaving within the year and they thought I might be interested in that job and that the experience of being a clerk for six , eight months would certainly stand me in good stead , seeing as I didn 't have a library degree . So I did that . I worked as a clerk , and then I became the circulation supervisor , and was that for like ten years . And that was my - and then I had to retire because I 'd worn out my knees at that point , particularly one knee . I was on crutches at that point . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I learned how tough it is to tell people they have to pay for overdue books when the reason their books are overdue is because their husband had checked them out and then had died . And I was not allowed - because the money went in - all the overdue monies went into the City general fund . I was not allowed to forgive a single nickel of an overdue thing . And that is so hard to find out the reason these are overdue is because " I didn 't even think about the fact that , you know , we had these out when John died . " And of course you would normally say , " Well , don 't worry about it ; we 're just happy to have them back . " Nope , I had to charge . That was really hard . And then there was the day that there was this nice young man that was obviously going to college and didn 't have much when he came in and he had his backpack , and he started taking these books out of his backpack , putting them up on the counter , bringing them back , and as he did , these huge roaches went crawling off , just running off from these books . Mrs . Osborne : I didn 't want those roaches running around the library . And I had to take the book back and wash it well , but we had plastic on it . He was so embarrassed . Mrs . Osborne : So that was one of my memorable moments . And then there was the man who brought a book back in a plastic bag and said , " I think you might want to throw this away . " And I 'm saying , " Why would I want to throw the book away ? " [ He said ] , " Well , it 's not a good book . I don 't think you want to have it . " [ I said ] , " I don 't think we have the right to judge whether a book is a good book or not . " [ He said ] , " Well I still think you ought to throw it away . " I kept trying to find out why , and finally it turned out that it was because he had dropped it in something very , very bad and had tried to wash it off somewhat , put it in the plastic bag and brought it back . Needless to say , we threw it away . Mrs . Osborne : People are more fun . And then there were all sorts of just lovely people that came in that I hadn 't seen for years : people I 'd gone to high school with , people that had been friends of my parents , just lots of wonderful , wonderful people that it was such a pleasure to see and to renew acquaintance with and to help . And they love the library . Oak Ridgers really use their library a tremendous amount . It 's very , very important to them . And it 's a very good library , frankly . And I know you want to hear about the man with the shoe fetish . Mrs . Osborne : It was a nice young man who had some mental problems that I had never heard of before . I had never heard of a shoe fetish before . And he pigeonholed me one day back in the stacks asking me to help him find something . And while we were back in the stacks , he started admiring my shoes and saying he 'd " love to get some like that for his mother and what kind were they ? " And I couldn 't remember what kind they were , so I , being very accommodating , pulled one off to see what the brand was , at which point he grabbed it out of my hand , and then I had to try to get the shoe back from him , and that 's when I realized something was wrong . And I was so embarrassed . I finally got my shoe back and went running back into the back room and told somebody about it , and everyone started laughing . And I had just met the man with the shoe fetish . And evidently , most everybody had met him sooner or later there and I had just run into him . He never did anything terrible ; he just liked shoes . And it was embarrassing , very embarrassing . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : About the same number that work there now , I think . I don 't think they 've been able to add or subtract much of anybody since I was there . It was not computerized at that point , so there were a lot of mundane jobs that had to be done , like we had to put date due cards in every single book that was checked out , book , record , whatever . And we had to every - that 's when people were checking out lots of records . And we had to check every single record when it came back in to see if it had been scratched or warped or something or other , because , it 's amazing , the number of people who didn 't understand that the LP records , if you left them in a car , even for ten or fifteen minutes , would warp . Mrs . Osborne : And they would have to pay for them then because the library , obviously , had paid for them . So a lot of things that took a lot longer to do back then - we had to take a book card out of the pocket , back pocket , of every book , so that we knew what was checked out and what wasn 't checked out , because now you can just , you know , key it into the computer and " Oh , oh yeah , that book 's checked out , " you know , " And it 's due back a week from Wednesday " or something . Well , then , we couldn 't . We would have to go through all of these cards . So we had cards that had to be alphabetized every single morning , and it was from all the things that had been checked out the day before . So you alphabetized them , and then you worked them in with the other cards . And so if you were not able to alphabetize , you couldn 't work at the library . That was one of the tests that was given to every page , every clerk , everyone that went to work there . And it 's amazing the number of young people that could not alphabetize . So being a page at the Oak Ridge Public Library was a real leg up also . That was a good job . It was hard , and if you were a good page , you were capable of doing almost anything in life . That 's the amazing thing about it . Because you had to be able to work with people , get along with people , you had to be able to do things quickly , you had to be able to be very agreeable and just - taking the truckloads of books out and putting them in the right place . Every once in a while , we would find that we had just all kinds of books out of place , and we would find we had a page who was being lazy . They were just taking them out and just sticking them somewhere , which involved , then , either my retraining , talking to them about changing their way or else firing them , one or the other , depending on what they were willing to do . And we had volunteers that came in that helped put the books up also , and every once in a while we would have a volunteer that absolutely could not put them in the right place . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : How many pages and volunteers did you manage ? Mrs . Osborne : I had eleven people under me , of which - they were - all the clerks were under me plus all of the five pages were under me . So , six clerks and five pages , and that 's the most , like my boss only had one person under her and that was me . And the head of reference only had the reference librarians under her . Because the pages change every year , I was always going through training and retraining , which meant I was working late , night after night , because the pages didn 't come to work till like five o ' clock , and I got off at 5 : 30 . Well , if you 're training somebody , you have to be around . So I put in lots of extra time doing that . Mrs . Osborne : It was , it was . I enjoyed it , though . I liked a lot of it . I disliked some of it . I disliked the autonomy , I guess , the fact that you didn 't have the right to be as understanding as you would like to be . And for me that was hard . As I said I was definitely a square peg in a round hole when it came to that . But it takes all kinds to make a good library , I think . Mrs . Osborne : The people , working with the people , seeing them , trying to please them , trying to help them find what they wanted , what they needed , help the kids get the help that they needed for different papers , this sort of thing . I was constantly amazed by damage that people would do to books . I had never known that some people would cut pages out of reference books to avoid paying ten cents to make a copy of a page , that they would just deliberately go back in the stacks and do this sort of thing . I had never known that people would take the expensive tables that you have down there , special ones , and carve things in them , so that you wind up having to buy these special heavy Plexiglas tops for all of them to keep them from being ruined . Just a lot of things like this . I just did not realize that you had people like that . Mrs . Osborne : Guess I grew up in a very small , little , little group of not doing things like this , so I was just amazed at some of the things . Every time somebody got something stolen , I was shocked . I actually threw one young man out one night who was being just terrible . He was a guy that had been a big star at Oak Ridge High School in football , but he 'd never really learned to write his name , and he 'd been in special ed classes all along , so he could print his first name and the first initial of his last name , and that was it . So he liked to hang out in the library . But by this time , he was in his twenties , and he was drinking heavily , and he would come in and want to use the phone . And that 's not a thing you normally do is let people - you certainly can 't leave somebody in the back workroom at night by themselves using the phone . You have to stay by them . So it turns out his important phone call was to a girl he was trying to get a date with for the night . So I told him he had to get off the phone , and he kept on talking and I kept telling him to get off the phone . I finally just cut him off , at which point I thought he was going to hit me , he was so astonished that I would do that . And I beat him to the punch in that I just pointed my finger at him and said , " Get out of here right now . Don 't you come back here tonight . " I was so angry at him because he - I was so busy out at the front desk and he 's taking my time to be back there to try to talk a girl into letting him come over . And he said that was more important , so anyway , he left . And I thought afterwards , my gosh , he could have really hurt me if he 'd wanted to . So that was pretty dumb on my part . Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know . I did not ask them . They invited me back as a volunteer to do the same work that I had been doing , and I went back a time or two , and then I thought , wait a minute , this is kind of dumb . If I could not work here because my knees were so bad for pay , why am I coming back as a volunteer to do the very same work ? So I decided I would do something else . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I went back to doing a lot of the volunteer work that I used to do . I had always done lots of volunteer work at different things . I had always - well , I 'd taught swimming for the Red Cross for years , enjoyed that thoroughly . I taught the swimming badge for the Boy Scouts , lifesaving badge for the Boy Scouts , taught different classes at church . For the last fifteen years , I 've been leading classes in helping people find their spiritual gifts that God has given them , which has been just one of the most exciting things to do imaginable , and leading other small groups . I 'm a very strong believer in that to have a deep faith in God , you need to belong to a small group , that people help sustain you , help you sustain your faith and support you in all kinds of things . And not everyone is fortunate enough to have a group of friends or people like this . And that 's what small groups do . And so studying and deepening your faith while you are making these relationships or carving out these relationships makes it doubly precious and really sustains you for years in everything you do . It 's been very helpful for me . Mrs . Osborne : Nope , no , they always had lots of volunteers and I always thought I would go back there . I did do the voice for one of their Oak Ridge shows way back . I was on recording there . Mrs . Osborne : It was a slide show . I 'm sorry , it was a slide show that they did with the voice going along with it , and the voice that went with it was me . And that went for quite a few years before they changed shows . So now they have professional people that do that , and I have never been a professional voice person . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I also sing . I used to . Since I quit working down there . I discovered that I 'd always wanted to be a torch singer and I love singing some of the old love songs : Gershwin , Cole Porter , and just a lot of the songs from the Second World War and just a lot of things like this I like . There are needs for this in some of the retirement centers and at the Keystone group down here , which is the daycare center for people with problems . Music stays with people longer than any other kind of memory . Singing some of the old songs brings back all kinds of things for them , and I love doing it . We were having cabarets at church also almost every year for a while when we would be putting on a dinner . And then eventually we wound up not doing a dinner ; we did just delicious homemade desserts and the show , and selling tickets . So I did a lot of this . I did a little directing and a lot of singing and this type of thing , and then I sang at the Daily Grind , which was a coffee house here in Oak Ridge , and that was fun . Mrs . Osborne : Right , right . They 're in the corner at Jackson Square . Yeah , I used to do that on Friday night once in a while . And , you know , you 'd end up singing for three hours straight , and that takes a little training to be able to do . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , that 's neat . You know , you were here during the sixties , and I think that Margaret Mead came here in the sixties . Is that right ? Mrs . Osborne : You know , she , bless her heart , she just had to be critical of things , and that 's a good point . But a lot of people wound up getting their parents to move here after they had children and said they were staying on here . After their parents retired , their parents wound up moving here and retiring to help take care of their grandchildren and whatnot . But , yeah , I remember she was not - she didn 't seem to find as much joy in Oak Ridge or pride in it as we all thought she should . And then there was a doctor - who was the doctor from Georgia that I used to go to ? Mrs . Osborne : Dr . Greenblatt , from Georgia . He was a specialist in hormones , and Carbide actually had him come up and talk to all the wives that would go to hear him , about how to go through difficult times in your life , go through menopause or whatnot , or how to help your children out if they were having hormone problems or this type of thing , and he came up , and that 's where I went to hear him . And he was very far out as far as most people were concerned . He believed in having not just shots , hormone shot , or taking pills , but he believed in having them put pellets , hormone pellets , into the abdomen or into the hip that would last for five to six months for people . And he did the same thing for children that were not growing as they should or not developing as they should , and he was a specialist in this down at the University of Georgia , I believe . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , okay . So , anyway , I used to have one of his books that he had written , also on this . He was really an expert on this . And I wound up going to him quite a few times . He was an amazing man . All these people that are really amazing have egos , or a lot of them , have egos to go along with it . So they are sometimes their own worst enemy . But it 's amazing how much they know . And Oak Ridge just seemed to have the best of everything back in the fifties and sixties . Back when I was a girl , you didn 't have to worry about locking your doors , you didn 't have to worry about who your children were going with , because everybody that was in here had been investigated and had some sort of clearance or some sort of investigation done . You did not have to - it was just safe everywhere . And one of the really neat things is there were all these greenbelt areas between houses to give you more privacy , so you didn 't have just house right behind house behind house in a lot of cases . And I know where we lived , there was a gravel path that went through the woods and up these - across a little bridge that across this great huge drainage ditch that would just be roaring with water after the rains , and up some steps and up onto Georgia Avenue , and then right over down one of those lanes and down to the - across Blankenship field and up to the school there . That 's how I walked to school . And when you 're coming home from the movie , that 's how you walked home , through the woods this way , and it was perfectly safe because there weren 't any weirdoes around that - at least certainly no weirdoes that anybody heard of or knew about . Everything was completely safe . And as a teenager , this was just so romantic to get to walk through the woods with your boyfriend and be out of sight of your parents this way . I mean this was just really really terrific . Mrs . Osborne : We had a " D " house down at the bottom of Fulton Lane . It was the only " D " house on the street , and we had to live in the Guest House for the first two weeks waiting for our things to get here and for the house to be finished . And they finished the house and we moved in , and it was a very , very nice house . It was at the bottom , so we were at the cul - de - sac sort of thing . We had houses across the street . There wasn 't anything at the end but just a parking area and then the woods behind us and our porch faced the greenbelt area . A " D " house was really a lovely house . Mrs . Osborne : Senior . He was the one that wound up having the heart transplant and this sort of thing . Anyway , he was the only one out there at that time . And then , after I had been on the Math Panel - I don 't remember how long , I guess just a year or two - they hired a young black woman mathematician - she had her master 's degree in Math - to come and work on the Math Panel . Really a nice young lady . Her husband was a professor at Knoxville College . So when she came , I didn 't realize what a big deal this was , but other people did . When you 're twenty - one , you don 't sometimes realize how important some things are , and it turned out that for her to go to the cafeteria was absolutely terrible , because we were like three blocks from the cafeteria , so you always walked down , naturally , because you couldn 't bring your car in . So you walked to the cafeteria , you bought your food , you sat in there and ate . So you would go to lunch with friends . So when - I can 't remember her name . That 's terrible ; I can picture her but I cannot remember her name . But she was really nice , and so we made plans that three of us were going to take turns going to lunch with her so she would never have to go down there by herself , because sure enough , when she walked in the cafeteria , a lot of the workmen would glare at her and make comments and this sort of thing , because there just had not been any black people eating in there and they were not used to this at all . So we made sure that she never had to go by herself to the cafeteria . And this was fine . We had worked [ it ] out very well , and we enjoyed having lunch with her . Mrs . Osborne : No , but it would have been really tough for her to have to sit by herself at a table , you know . They would not have done anything to her , I 'm sure , but they would have gone out of their way to make comments or something like that . But the fact that she always had two guardians , more or less , with her made it much easier . So her husband had a birthday while she was working there at the lab . So she decided to have a big party for him , and she invited Morris and I , and she invited this other girl from the Math Panel , Nancy Dismuke and her husband Stewart , to go also . So we decided we were all going to go , wondering what it was going to be like , and so we drove with the - the Dismukes drove , we rode with them over to Knoxville and to the Knoxville College area there where they lived and we went into this party . And everybody in the party had a master 's degree or a Ph . D . except for us , I think . [ laughter ] Except for Morris and I , that is , because Nancy Dismuke had a master 's . But they were all from Knoxville College , professors , and there were some white professors . I didn 't realize Knoxville College had some white professors at that point , which they did . So it turned out it was really a strange feeling to be completely surrounded by all blacks , because I had never in my entire life had this happen . And it was just - strange is the only way - and I 'm sure it was as strange for them to see us coming in when they didn 't know us at all . The other white people that worked at Knoxville College fit in just fine , but we were - they weren 't real sure about what we were going to be like or what we were going to say or do , I 'm sure . But we played games and wound up having a nice time . It was a lovely party , with your usual soft drinks and cake and coffee , and this type of thing , and just a happy birthday . Her husband was a really nice guy . She didn 't work for a real long time . She only worked for about a year or two there and then she left . I have a picture of the Math Panel group with hDr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , I 'm sure . When did they start doing the free breakfasts for underprivileged children ? Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know , because they didn 't have them when I worked at Linden . The child was allowed to - the one child I was thinking of was allowed to sleep under a table until almost noon because he was so tired . There were like ten kids in the family and one bed , and so he always got pushed out of bed because he was the youngest . So he would come and sleep under this table , and then would - I don 't know if he had to wait till lunch or if when we had recess , whether they could get him something to eat then . But I know that the counselor there at school would take him up and shower him off and find clean clothes for him and this type of thing , because he had no care at home at all , this one child , had not whatsoever , and it 's just pitiful to see this happen . But they could have been a white family . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yeah . Now , I did not know that until much later that Oak Ridge had a real problem finding teams to play them in the different sports , in football or in basketball because they had integrated . We 're a government town , and so naturally you are integrating . And the other schools around in Tennessee did not want to play a school that had blacks on the team . They weren 't going to have their boys having to get up close and personal and play these guys . So they had an awful time filling the schedules , and they had to offer all kinds of incentives in order to fill the football schedule and whatnot , so that was tough . Mrs . Osborne : We did at that time . We had better equipment , better uniforms . The poverty level around in Tennessee was - or the poverty , not just the level , but the poverty - was very prevalent , and it showed up in things like teams and uniforms and all this sort of thing , which was not considered such a big deal back then as it is now . Now , everybody knows that the more important thing , part of school , is your football and your basketball . Anyway , but that may be one reason we 're behind the Chinese and Japanese , I 'm not sure . But anyway , then it wasn 't that big a thing , and we also , of course , had much better schools . We had teachers that came from all over the place and we had classes - we had science classes that they didn 't have in the local schools around , just all sorts of things here , as well as having drama and art and music and - I 'm sure they had music in some of the things , but we had - Oak Ridge schools just had a lot of things that other schools in the surrounding area could not afford , and that was sort of held against us . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : And also , you had said something about going to shop in Knoxville and Clinton . What was that like ? How did they treat Oak Ridgers ? Mrs . Osborne : Well , I did not shop in Clinton . Clinton was a real little backwater town . It wasn 't worth stopping in , I 'm sorry , at that point . Now , it 's a lovely place to go antiquing , and once you found out about Hammer 's , back before they moved particularly , Hammer 's was always fun to go to . Mrs . Osborne : Hammer 's was a local department store that was in this old building with all kinds of little out - of - the - way rooms and whatnot and little steps here and there and roundabout and they would get in truckloads of stuff that maybe came from a fire sale or came from something or other or came from QVC that didn 't sell . I 'm not sure where all . And they 'd sell at just really , really small prices . I know a girl who got lots of money for college by buying these - what were the shirts that had the duck on it or something like that ? Mrs . Osborne : Izod shirts . She used to go to Hammer 's and buy the Izod shirts , the seconds , and sell them to her sorority sisters at the University of North Carolina for regular prices and make all kinds of money this way . She was very much an entrepreneur and earned a lot of money this way . But that 's the sort of thing that Hammer 's had , if you could get in there . Somebody I know bought a baby grand piano from them . I did buy some wicker furniture from them once , and I used to go over there and get fabric and I 've gotten , you know , a few articles of clothing there at different times , but now it 's - it still has some good buys , I 'm sure , but I 'm too old and tired to shop there anymore . Mrs . Osborne : It moved , no , it 's still in Clinton , but it 's out at the other end of Clinton , now . It 's not in downtown Clinton anymore ; it 's out just before you get to the river , out past where the fairgrounds are on the other side , so it 's not as interesting . It 's in a normal place now instead of being in a funny little hole place . Mrs . Osborne : I did go to Knoxville , and the thing that was so remarkable about Knoxville is the coal soot . I can remember standing on the corner , waiting for a bus , and winding up with black specks all over my coat and my face , and if you touched them , it just spread , because it was coal soot , and it would just grind right into your skin and into your coat , the fabric of it , whatever , and I had never - I mean , we had coal furnaces in Michigan , but we didn 't have coal soot like that . I don 't know if it was a difference in coal or - Mrs . Osborne : I do not remember noticing that . Now I know that we had the same furnace in our " D " house that everybody had , but I have no idea if it was a coal furnace or not because I don 't remember ever getting coal from a coal truck . So whether it might have been an oil furnace back then , I don 't know . Mrs . Osborne : We did not get a coal delivery that I know of . We had no coal . Now , the cemestos did not . I know the flattops did , because this friend that I used to visit in a flattop definitely had the place where the coal was kept out in front and the little coal stove inside and whatnot , but in the cemesto you didn 't have that . So whether I was just too dense to remember it or whether we had a different kind of furnace - Mrs . Osborne : They definitely were . They definitely were . And this was in downtown Knoxville on Gay Street , because I was standing on Gay Street because Miller 's was on Gay Street then , and Miller 's was the big department store . Mrs . Osborne : Okay , they were fine . It was the kids at school that used to make fun of the way I talked , and one of the words that they always thought was the funniest was the way I said ' cow , ' and they would always say , " Say ' cow , ' Barbara . Listen to her . Listen to her , now . Say ' cow . ' " And [ I would say ] , " Cow . " They 'd " [ laughter ] . " And I 'd think , " What 's wrong with the way I say ' cow , ' " you know , but who knows . Mrs . Osborne : But I could tell whether I was or whether - I think I could tell if you were . So it 's really strange . It depends on where you 're from . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . Everybody has different speech features . How do you think - you know , sometimes people talk about having trouble with businesses in Knoxville because they were obviously not from this area , and the Knoxvillians knew that and they didn 't really like outsiders . You seem to have a pretty good experience in Knoxville from what I can tell , and maybe after the Manhattan Project , it wasn 't so much of a problem . Mrs . Osborne : It made the culture so different from every place else , that we 're spoiled . We think that all other towns are bound to be something like Oak Ridge , that they 're going to have people that are willing to listen to the pros and the cons and then make a decision , that there are people who you can argue with and maybe change their mind that aren 't just completely hidebound and something like this . And somehow , when you get away from Oak Ridge , you find that 's not necessarily true . You get into some of the good old boy stuff , and if you aren 't either a Democrat or a Republican , depending on where you are , why , you don 't have anything good to say or anything worth listening to and so forth and so on , and you 're never going to change somebody 's mind . If you 've got God and logic on your side , you still aren 't going to be able to change their mind , that there are people like this . Because the majority of people in Oak Ridge are operating from a brain and they have learned through the years - now , I 'm not saying everybody , but I 'm saying the majority of people that you run into here are people who have used their minds and found out there 's rights and wrongs and there 's some shady , gray shades in this world and there are some things that you just can 't come out and say is either black or white , and this type of thing . I think we have gotten very spoiled . I know our oldest son found this out . He was the one that went into restaurant management and being a chef . When he went to other towns to help open restaurants , he found some of the narrow - mindedness in some of the South Carolina towns absolutely appalling compared to what he was used to from here in Oak Ridge , the people here . Mrs . Osborne : The things that they say , their beliefs , you know , whether it 's the good old boys on football Saturday or whether it 's the fact that they 're going to fly the - I think South Carolina was having a real problem with the Confederate flag back about the time that he was there , so whether it had something to do with that , and the fact that he is a reader . He has just read more stuff than - I thought I was a reader , but he is really - he reads all of an author and then goes on to the next author and then , you know , this type of thing , and he is what I would consider an extremely well - read individual . So the fact that he had trouble finding people with the same interests that he had once he left Oak Ridge , that had something to do with it maybe . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Were people in Oak Ridge ever worried during the integration of the schools ? I mean , you say you don 't remember many problems , but were they worried about violence ? Because they had all that violence in Clinton . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yes , they really were . Everybody in the South was worried about violence . And I think as a result , a lot of Oak Ridgers stepped up to try to minimize any violence that might crop up or to try to stop it before it happened , this type of thing . What happened in Clinton was bad , and what happened in Mississippi was terrible , and it just is completely against everything you believe in . If you have a Christian faith , you can 't possibly approve of that sort of thing . And I cannot imagine any of the Jewish faith wanting that sort of thing either , that they would be just as appalled as - I said this badly by saying Christian faith , but my experience is coming from what I think is the Christian faith , but my Jewish friends would likewise be just as appalled by that sort of thing . So I think Oak Ridge definitely stepped up to try to avoid anything like that and to make sure that Clinton was safe going to school here , in the old Linden School , like they could do , and that that was one of the better things that came out of it . Mrs . Osborne : Right , at the old Linden . The new Linden had just opened , and so the old Linden School was not being used at that point . So they came and used that for a year . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : I have a few more questions about when you first came to Oak Ridge and just going back to the war years before you came to Oak Ridge . When you came to Oak Ridge , were you very much aware of the activity of security personnel , the guards ? Did you see much military security around ? Mrs . Osborne : I don 't remember ever noticing them . I mean , I was a high school kid , and I didn 't notice that . I had no reason to . I 'd never been in any kind of trouble . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , my father always had a very large victory garden , and he was really good at growing all sorts of things , and my mother canned things and dried things . And that was before you had freezers , really , so you weren 't freezing things . Meat was rationed during the war , so I can remember - chicken was not , and I can remember they bought twenty - five slaughtered chickens and canned them one year , just in your big glass jars , so we used a lot of chicken that year . But Dad , yeah , Dad always had lots of tomatoes and corn and just your usual things . And it was out on the edge of town where he had the victory garden . Everybody was renting little spaces to have their gardens , and we would ride out there in the evening and pick and do different things . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's interesting . I didn 't realize people had them away from their homes . I always thought the victory garden would be at your house . Mrs . Osborne : No , no , it was bigger than that , than your backyard , so I mean you really were growing food . And we also collected the tinfoil from everywhere . If anybody saw a piece of tinfoil , you know , if somebody chewed a piece of gum , you automatically stripped the tinfoil off of it , and you always had a ball of tinfoil in your pocket or somewhere , in your purse , if you were a girl , and you just added that to the ball . And the same was true with string . Every little string , you wound it around . If anybody threw down a cigarette package , you immediately grabbed it up and the inside had tinfoil between the two paper layers , and so you stripped that off . But you saved every little bit this way . And the used cooking oil , saved for something . Mrs . Osborne : And I remember I got , one time , I managed to get a five pound bag of sugar for my mother for her birthday , without using - I didn 't have any rationing stamps , because my mother had all the ration books , and it was her birthday , and I was trying to get something that she would like , and I decided that a bag of sugar would be just perfect . I went to this little store where they knew me and knew my mother , and I asked them if I could possibly buy a bag of sugar , and somehow , I don 't know how , they let me have a bag of sugar , and I took it home and wrapped it up for mother 's birthday . She was tickled to death to get a five pound bag of sugar . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I 'm sure . My parents would have been extremely happy . I was what , about twelve ? Or less than that . Mrs . Osborne : Well , Dad worked for the Atomic Energy Commission here in Oak Ridge , and came in ' 49 and went to work for them as the assistant head of the Budget Division , and stayed until about ' 63 . In ' 63 , he was transferred to Las Vegas , to the Las Vegas office - which , I never knew AEC had a Las Vegas office until then . They were there for a couple of years and then he was transferred to the Panama Canal Zone to work on the feasibility of building a second Panama Canal . This was before the first Panama Canal had been turned over to Panama . They knew - the United States knew that we had to turn it over to Panama , and they were wondering , they were afraid about what was going to happen . So they got to thinking about , what about the feasibility of building a second one , so that we would always have one . So Dad and several men from Engineering in the Army were the group picked to study this , and so he and Mother moved to Panama . And everybody else that worked on this project was military , so they lived on the military base there , except my mother and father were not military , so they had to live off the base , and the other ladies would let Mother know about how much she was missing by not being able to use the clubs there and the groceries there and all this sort of thing , and [ they would remark ] , " What a shame your house has cracks in it so the bugs come through , " and all this . So , anyway , Mother didn 't like it at all , but Dad loved it . He loved being out in the jungle , and they were trying to find where they would build one . And so they were just back in the jungle a lot of the time , hiking and trying to decide where would be a place that they could do this and how much would it cost , what would be - and they came up with the fact that it would not be a feasible thing to do , so that was their recommendation , was to not do it . Mrs . Osborne : I know when I went back to school as an adult , I heard a young guys talking about - over at the college - I heard a young guy talking about how the cancer rate in Oak Ridge was so high . His aunt had cancer now , and that she said it was due to all the radiation and everything in Oak Ridge , that everybody was getting cancer . And I said I didn 't think they were . And so then you realize that if you try arguing with him , you 're not going to get anywhere , that , just be quiet and let him say whatever he wants to say , and that 's the only way to go , that he had already made up his mind and was very busy sharing this with the other people in the class , that Oak Ridgers just had more chance of getting cancer than people anywhere else . Mrs . Osborne : They used to do that when I worked at the museum here . They used to ask if I lived in Oak Ridge , and then if I had any children , and they they 'd try to phrase it as nicely as possible , " Were the children all right ? " " Did they have two heads ? " or something like this , so I assured them they were all fine . Mrs . Osborne : Well , it has very good health care . I guess the fact that Oak Ridge has more to offer in the way of entertainment . They have an excellent Playhouse , they have an excellent Symphony Orchestra , they have ballet , a couple of pretty good ballet companies . They can perform with the opera company in Knoxville . Description Rating Title Osborne , Barbara Description Oral History of Barbara Osborne , Interviewed by Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , Ph . D . , September 25 , 2010 Audio Link http : / / coroh . oakridgetn . gov / corohfiles / audio / Osborne _ Barbara . mp3 Transcript Link http : / / coroh . oakridgetn . gov / corohfiles / Transcripts _ and _ photos / Osborne _ Barbara . doc Collection Name COROH Interviewee Osborne , Barbara Interviewer Hamilton - Brehm , Anne Marie Type audio Language English Subject Oak Ridge ( Tenn . ) Date of Original 2010 Format doc , mp3 Length 2 hours , 22 minutes File Size 129 . 53 MB Source Center for Oak Ridge Oral History Location of Original Oak Ridge Public Library Rights Copy Right by the City of Oak Ridge , Oak Ridge , TN 37830 Disclaimer : " This report was prepared as an account of work sponsored by an agency of the United States Government . Neither the United States Government nor any agency thereof , nor any of their employees , makes any warranty , express or implied , or assumes any legal liability for the accuracy , completeness , or usefulness of any information , apparatus , product , or process disclosed , or represents that process , or service by trade name , trademark , manufacturer , or otherwise do not necessarily constitute or imply its endorsement , recommendation , or favoring by the United States Government or any agency thereof . The views and opinions of authors expressed herein do not necessarily state or reflect those of the United States Government or any agency thereof . " The materials in this collection are in the public domain and may be reproduced without the written permission of either the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History or the Oak Ridge Public Library . However , anyone using the materials assumes all responsibility for claims arising from use of the materials . Materials may not be used to show by implication or otherwise that the City of Oak Ridge , the Oak Ridge Public Library , or the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History endorses any product or project . When materials are to be used commercially or online , the credit line shall readInterviewed by Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , Ph . D . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : It is September 25th , 2010 , and this is Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , the Coordinator for the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History interviewing Barbara Osborne in her home . Barbara , your family came to Oak Ridge from Michigan in 1949 . What was your family doing prior to arriving in Oak Ridge and why did you move to Oak Ridge ? Mrs . Osborne : We lived in Birmingham , Michigan , where my father worked either in Detroit or in Pontiac , depending on the office that he was in . After the war , the jobs were all given to the veterans , where he had not been allowed to go into the military because his work was too important , so he had to find another job . This is just - they said it wasn 't fair , but this sort of thing just happened . A friend of his who was in Oak Ridge wrote him and said come and apply for a particular job that was open here . So he came down , applied for the job , got it and came back and moved us to Tennessee . We had never - I had never been out of the state of Michigan before , so it was very different . I heard all sorts of wild tales from kids at school and wild tales about what Oak Ridge was going to be like : mud and people making booze in the bathtub . And part of this was true . Mud was true , but the other I never found . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : [ laughter ] What are your memories ? You came to Oak Ridge when you were in high school , and then right after you moved here , the city gates opened . What are your memories of the opening of the city gates and the parade ? Mrs . Osborne : Oh , huge crowds ! I think the only people that I know of that weren 't there were the rest of my family . I 'm the only one from my family that went to the parade , and I don 't know why they didn 't go . I guess they just didn 't want to get stuck in a crowd . But I went down , and I was standing in front of the old Jackson Square Post Office watching these movie stars go by , and they looked so glamorous , and it was just excitement . I had watched Queen for a Day , which you 're way too young to know about , so seeing Jack Bailey in person was really exciting , and of course Rod Cameron was every bit as gorgeous as he was on the screen , to say nothing of Marie McDonald , and she had a beautiful fur coat on . That was when it was okay to have a fur coat . So it was just really , really exciting . And the bands were good , and , you know , just everything , the whole atmosphere was just wonderful . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I 'd never heard a real southern accent before , and I 'd never heard an East Tennessee accent . And a lot of them had never heard a Michigan accent , which I had never thought of as being an accent . The first day I was in school here , I could not understand anything anybody said - any of the students said to me . I could understand the teachers , but I couldn 't understand the students . So when I was being shown around the school by one of the girls , I never did understand where she said the lunchroom was , and so the first day I went without eating lunch because I was too embarrassed to ask , try to ask anybody else , " Where do I go to find the cafeteria ? " Because I just simply couldn 't understand what they were saying to me , and I was scared to death , and you know , just your usual teenage angst I guess . Mrs . Osborne : Back then , not everybody had a car like they do now , because there wasn 't much of any place to go except the Snow White Drive - In , which was the headquarters for all dating purposes at that point . If you had a date , you usually wound up there getting something to eat , and if you didn 't have a date , you wound up there with friends , driving around to see who did have a date [ laughter ] , and that 's just where it was happening at this point , which is very - it 's so much like Happy Days , to be honest , and so peacefully innocent compared to today 's happenings , I think . If somebody drank , it was a big thing , not a common thing . You know , it was just , " Oh , what a terrible boy that must be . " You certainly never wanted to date anybody like that , where , I don 't know , standards seem to have changed a whole lot . Mrs . Osborne : Well , they brought it in with them , however they could . There were people that made regular runs over to North Carolina to try to furnish alcohol for a party , and they would cover up the stuff in their trunk however they could , hide it under spare tires , I don 't know . One of the stories was about hiding the bottles of liquor under a sleeping baby in a baby bed in the back seat of the car , and of course you didn 't want to disturb the baby by searching under there , so they managed - I don 't know if the child , how the child could sleep on top of it , but obviously it must have been well padded . And supposedly that really happened . But some people got caught and they got in serious trouble , and some people didn 't get caught . I imagine it depended on whoever was the guard at the gate or whether or not you happened to know the guard at the gate , you know , just all sorts of things go into this . Mrs . Osborne : There were buses , and it cost ten cents , and they went all over town , and you could transfer from one bus to another . So I could go home - I walked to school from where I lived , but I could go home with my friends by just having a dime and getting on the bus with them and go and spend the afternoon at someone 's home , even if they lived out on the west end of town . So that made it very simple . Mrs . Osborne : They did , yes . I did more of that when I became a senior in high school . I was extra young as a junior and probably the youngest person in the class , so my parents were very strict with me and I didn 't do a lot of that , but later on , yes , I can remember going to see Rock City , and going to Big Ridge , going swimming and being in a canoe that got turned over , and you know , the guy lost his shoes [ laughter ] , but he learned to never dive out of a canoe . Mrs . Osborne : And that 's where we had senior skip day back then . That was before it got dangerous . It 's probably in the last five year period before it got dangerous . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . So , that 's when the school started really , you know , everybody had to do - if you went anywhere , it was by bus with the whole group doing the same thing , and we went to Big Ridge for senior skip day . I remember senior skip day . I loved that place . It was a lot of fun back then . Mrs . Osborne : As a matter of fact , I was involved in Bridge Club , and I didn 't even know how to play bridge . I was involved in Maskers also ; I was in several plays , and scared to death to stand up in front of an audience , but determined to try to get over it . And I played the mother . Only one time did I ever get to play a romantic lead . The rest of the time , I was always cast as the mother or the friend or something like this . Mrs . Osborne : I really can 't . I can remember the name of - the only time that I played the romantic lead - who played opposite me , and that was the drum major at that time , Bob Barrett . And I remember my name when I was somebody 's mother . I was Mrs . Chickester . But what was the name of the play ? Mrs . Osborne : My father said , " Get a job . " And he , either he or my mother , found out that the drug store that they got their prescriptions filled at , Elm Grove Drug Store , was looking for a counter clerk , and so I went down there and applied for a job , and they hired me , and I worked there that summer , and if ever a job made you appreciate what a college education could do for you , that was it . It was so hot ; there was no air conditioning , and you were on your feet the whole time and busy the whole time you were there . I was the soda jerk . I made wonderful milkshakes and sodas and , you know , all kinds of things . And [ I was ] very carefully watched by the man who owned the store to make sure I didn 't put an extra scoop of ice cream in any of my friends ' things . So , you know , I was honest to a T , absolutely , or honest to a fault , I guess is the term . And he wound up really liking me and asking my parents as I went off to college , you know , " When is Barbara coming home ? I want her to work on such - and - such a weekend ; I 'm having a sale , " or , " When , " you know , " Can she come back then ? Can she work over Christmas ? " This type of thing . So he liked me and I liked the fact that I didn 't have to do that for a living . Mrs . Osborne : Just turned seventeen during the summer . So off I went to Tennessee Wesleyan , and the minister , our minister from First Methodist Church took me and got me registered . He got my parents to say - give me permission to go . And moved into this very old dorm with a dried up little old lady dorm mother , and I wound up becoming the only - there were only two of us that started - we started in the winter quarter , because it took the minister that long to get my parents to give me permission to go . They just didn 't want me to leave that soon . And so only two of us started school in the winter quarter . So she was my roommate , the other girl , and she lasted two weeks and went home . So I was the only person in the entire school with no roommate , and that 's kind of a lonesome way to be . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : So what was that like ? Did you live in your room , or did you have a sleeping porch ? What was that like ? Mrs . Osborne : No , you lived in your room , and the rules there were very different from what they are now . Your parents had to sign a paper saying you could get in a car or you couldn 't get in a car . My parents refused to sign saying I could get in a car , so therefore I was not allowed to ride with anybody anywhere . They also - the dorm mother came around and made sure that you - or tried to make sure that you cleaned your room every week , and that your bed was made every day , and I was one of the biggest problems , because I decided to rebel on all the things I had been taught at home , and never make the bed and never clean the room . My parents got quite a few phone calls that year about their rebellious daughter [ laughter ] . But I joined the Tennessee Wesleyan Choir , and got some absolutely marvelous experience there and wonderful praise from the choir director , who was a real stickler . He kept saying things like , " If there are any more altos like you in Oak Ridge , send them to me ! " So I really enjoyed that and we did different shows . I worked in Maskers there at Wesleyan . The choir went on choir trips singing at churches around in different parts of Tennessee . We sang with the Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra on Beethoven 's 9th Symphony . What else did we do , things that were big time for me at that point ? It was just lots of fun . Oh , yeah , we put on Sigmund Romberg 's The Desert Song , and I learned to love Sigmund Romberg 's music through that , which I still have , a love for his music . But that was a terrific experience , the music part . And I started taking Botany because my father insisted I had to take a science ; I had to major in a science . So that was my way of rebelling against , you know , not taking any of the , what I consider the harder sciences , Chemistry or Biology or something . Botany , I was doing it my way , which is very silly . There were no jobs in botany , or at least very few , but I didn 't really care ; I was just having fun . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds like it . So after college , you moved back to Oak Ridge and got a job here . Where did you work and what was it like to work there ? Mrs . Osborne : I actually didn 't finish college . My father had me drop out after two years because I failed typing . I couldn 't stay awake ; it was at eight o ' clock in the morning , and I didn 't go to bed early enough to . I would just be so bored I would sit there and go to sleep with my hands on the keyboard . You don 't pass doing things like that . So he was really upset with me after being an extremely good scholar all my life , to fail a typing course . And so he made me go to Knoxville Business College and get a steno degree and then get a job . So after - I spent a year or nine months over in Knoxville , going to Knoxville Business College , hating every minute of it , and then I applied at the plants , which were run by Union Carbide at that point , and they started giving me all kinds of tests when I went in for filling out - I took the usual typing test and shorthand and then they started having me take some other tests , and I could not understand why . Then they called me to say I had been hired to work at X - 10 to be a computer operator on the first computer to be in the Southeast . I had no idea what they were talking about , because I 'd never heard of a big computer - a little handheld calculator , maybe , or a tabletop calculator , not handheld back then , but not a computer . And I went home and told my father and mother this and my father just about jumped out of his chair , he was so excited , because he knew all about this . Being in the Budget Division of AEC , he knew what the thing had cost and all about the logistics of it , the whole thing , and he just thought that was the most exciting thing and the fact that his daughter was going to be working on it , which was the most exciting thing he ever heard of . So I was hired to be a computer operator on the ORACLE , which was the first large computer in the entire Southeast . It was built in Argonne and then shipped down to X - 10 for the Math Panel at that point , and for the rest of the people at the lab to use , but it was going to be run by the Math Panel . ADr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds a little frustrating . Mrs . Osborne : It was frustrating , but that 's how everything starts . And it was exciting . I loved it . I loved learning about it , I loved working on it , and the more I worked on it , the more I wanted to do , so I wound up finally not being an operator . They hired some young men for that , and I was changed to becoming a programmer for the ORACLE . Now , the ORACLE stood for Oak Ridge Automatic Computer and Logical Engine . That 's O - R - A - C - L - E , yeah . And that 's what it stood for , and that was before FORTRAN , before any of the early languages . So people out there were writing subroutines ; we were shifting binary bits back and forth to do everything , to do additions , subtractions , multiplications , writing little routines to accomplish what people later accomplished in one word or one bit or this type of thing . So it was a very exciting time , and I thoroughly enjoyed a lot of that . Met a lot of people . Mrs . Osborne : Well , in my office , it was quiet , but when I worked on the computer , I was sitting at the console of this enormous machine that was probably , golly , I don 't think it was as big as a football field , but it was close to it , and it was just banks and banks and banks of these cathode ray tubes , with this enormous console in front of it . At least compared to what they are now , it was enormous . And where you 're flipping all kinds of little toggle switches and doing all sorts of things , and you 're working with all the best minds in the laboratory who were coming to put problems on and doing different things . And you 're sitting in front of a huge , great big plate glass window , which , seeing as I was twenty - one and single was kind of exciting , because everybody that I worked with had a single friend , it seemed like , and they were all walking by with their single friends and saying , " Would you like to meet her ? " So it was like being in show business almost . Mrs . Osborne : I was the only one right then , yes , for the first year . Now , there were women on the Math Panel , but they were definitely mathematicians , and I was not a mathematician at that point . I just sort of moved into that later . And evidently it was the test that they gave me that showed that I could do this or could handle it , that this was one of my strengths , so I always thought , how nice , had no idea what I was doing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , well , a lot of air conditioning . Very , very definitely a lot of air conditioning . And they checked whole banks of the tubes every single morning . The computer was down every morning for maintenance , and they would discover that something - there 'd been one tube blinking the day before , so who knows . At first it didn 't even run at night , you know , there wasn 't the need for it . And then as they began to find more uses for it and more uses for it , they started doing things at night out there , and I can remember riding out there at night with some physicists to help them with their programs , run them , and getting stopped by some of the , well , they were the guards there back by the plants , because physicists were not necessarily great drivers , the ones that were really good at some of the other things , at least these particular ones . They were brilliant men , and I 'm not saying that about all physicists , but we used to , as a young woman , we used to group them . Physicists were the ones that walked into doors and walked into people and this type of thing . Mrs . Osborne : And I married a physicist who never walks into doors or walks into people . I thought he was an engineer because he was just so neat and everything . But , yeah , we used to definitely pigeonhole the guys that walked down the hall to get coffee : " Oh yeah , that 's a chemist , you can tell , " or you 'd see him hit that wall , " He 's a physicist , " or - this sort of thing . It was a good place to be young . Mrs . Osborne : Well , the head of the Math Panel was a well known mathematician who wrote books and whatnot , Austin Householder , and he was one of the shyest men you 've ever seen in your life . He might have been a brilliant mathematician ; he was a brilliant mathematician . I can remember trying to read something that he had written one time and just , it was so far over my head , it was ridiculous . So he was definitely brilliant . But then there was a - several , what I would call big time - they became like vice presidents or assistant directors of the lab or something like this . I did meet Alvin Weinberg a time or two . And then there was Bob Sharpie , who was an assistant director , and he was an interesting man . He wound up becoming the head of some big company here in the United States , and , you know , multi - millionaire type person , becoming very well known . But at that point , he was just , what I thought was an extremely egotistical , hard to get along with person , who was an authority on a lot of things . And there was a program going on on television at that time called The $ 64 , 000 Question . There was a young high school girl who was on this show who was doing very , very well , and I can 't remember what her exact deal was , that you picked the field you want the questions in . When you got to the $ 64 , 000 question , which was the top one , you could have an authority come in and help you with it , and she picked Bob Sharpie to be her authority to come in . So we were - everybody in Oak Ridge was glued to the T . V . , if they had one back then , to watch that . And they won the $ 64 , 000 , she did . So he invited her and her parents to come and tour X - 10 , and I have a picture of them . And she 's just a normal looking girl , wearing glasses , everything - but obviously she was going to wind up being extremely good at whatever science she went into , and I never knew whatever happened to her . I hope she was a real success . But it was interesting to see , you know . Mrs . Osborne : First week . We were taking a bus - there was a bus that ran out to the lab - and so because you didn 't have a car you rode the bus . And when I went down to the bus stop , there were two of my friends from high school waiting for the same bus . So we were standing there talking and up came this nice young man to talk to one of the girls that I 'd gone to school with , and she introduced him to me , and it turned out that he was dating her at that point , or had had a couple of dates with her . And I thought he was really cute . And that was how I met him . And then we had all been asked to be ushers at an Oak Ridge Playhouse play later in the week , so we decided , well , we would - definitely none of us have a date for that , we would all do something together afterwards . So my parents dropped me off at the play . Actually the plays were at the Oak Ridge High School Auditorium right then , which was the old one up on Kentucky Avenue , and when I got there , I found out every other - there were four of us as usherettes at that point - the other three had each gotten a date . I 'm the only one that turned a date down and didn 't have one . So they were all going somewhere afterwards and I was not . Fortunately , friends of my parents were there at the play and gave me a ride home . But Morris always said - Morris was the date for this one girl , and he always said he felt so sorry for me standing there that he decided he wanted to ask me for a date . So I think I was his pity date [ laughter ] . Mrs . Osborne : But he never would ask me for a date far enough in advance . He would , you know , say , " How about could you go out , " he 'd call on Friday , " Could you go out with me on Monday night ? " Well , I already had a date Monday night . He had to call earlier than that . So after he asked me twice for a date and I turned him down each time , he said he wasn 't going to call me again , but I suggested what about such - and - such a night , when I was free , and so we went out then and that was the start of something that never stopped . By the fourth date , I knew that he was going to be the one that was going to - I was going to fall in love with him and make a big difference in my life . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , he was president of the Young Adult Fellowship at First Methodist Church , and I had always been very active in church . I was going to Kern Methodist Church at that point because it was closer to my home . So we had that and the fact that we both worked at X - 10 and we were both going to school at night and we both liked to go to the swimming pool . We did a lot of going to the swimming pool on weekends , and going up to the Smokies and driving around or hiking or both , having picnics on weekends , also . And we were both small town . In fact , he was even smaller : he 'd lived on a farm all his life . So it was definitely a reciprocating thing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , it was a very small wedding . Morris was in the process of doing some experiments with his job in solid state physics at that point , so we had to time the wedding between experiments . Because when an experiment was running , somebody had to be out there with it at night , and because the other people that were working on it all had families , he was the one that would be out with it at night . And a new husband doesn 't necessarily want to be spending the night out with an experiment . So we got married on a weekend that was at the end of one experiment and before the next one started , so we could have a honeymoon in there . And we had a very small wedding at Kern Methodist Church at eleven o ' clock in the morning , because that was before air conditioned churches , and it was in July and hot as blazes . Everything stuck to you because it was just so hot . It was mainly the people I worked with and the people he worked with and some of the people from church and friends of my parents and a few of our friends , mutual friends , and we had a reception downstairs , with just cake and punch and nuts and mints . That 's what used to be - you know , I can remember it cost ten dollars for the flowers . It cost ten dollars for the cake , because the lady that made the cake was just going into the business and that 's what she charged for this lovely cake . And a friend went over to Farmer 's Market and bought the flowers over in Knoxville and then decorated the church with them and then carried them downstairs for the reception . And I mean , it was - we got married - I used to say we got married on a dime and that was just about it . So , that 's why we had a big fiftieth wedding anniversary , because we had such a small wedding . But it certainly lasted . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , they threw the paper chad from the tapes , from all - typing all those tapes for the computer . They 'd been bagging up all those tiny , tiny little bits of paper that came out , and they were sort of a greasy paper , oily , and they had bags full of the stuff . It looked like it was just pouring rain when they were throwing this . And it got - the best man drove us away from the wedding in his mother 's car , and the car just got plastered with this stuff , and his mother never could get it completely cleaned out . [ laughter ] She wound up trading cars , I understand . And I was wearing a big white lace hat when I left on the honeymoon , and it was just full of these bits of little tiny round bits of paper chad , you know . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . Let 's see , when the children - we had three children , and I quit work when I was expecting the first child because I was having a lot of problems , so - and at that time , you stayed home with your children . You didn 't go back to work unless you were really an expert at something . And I was certainly not an expert at anything . So I stayed home as a mother , and then sixteen months later I had a second child , and then three years later I had a third child . So I was pretty busy . I stayed home until the third child went off to school . So when he went to school , I went back to work as an instructional aide at Linden School , was hired by the principal there that had been there for many , many years , and was just a wonderful lady . Mrs . Osborne : Around ' 65 , ' 66 , something like that . And so I worked there half - time as an instructional aide , so I was home when the children were home , and I could either drive them to school or pick them up from school and bring them home depending on whether I worked mornings or afternoons . I worked in third grade at least three of the years , and I worked in sixth grade one year . Got to go to Tremont with the sixth graders and teach crafts , which was - that was a wonderful week . It was one of the most enjoyable weeks of my life . I 'd been to Tremont as a mother , but to go as an instructor was even more fun . So I did that and I left Linden School because my husband was picked by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission to go to Germany as a guest scientist for two years to work at Kernforschungszentrum outside of Karlsruhe , West Germany . And so we moved the three children and our dog over there for two years , which was not an easy thing to do at that point . Our oldest son was a senior at high school , our daughter was a sophomore , and our youngest child was sixth grade . Mrs . Osborne : This was , you know , we went over in 1975 , so yeah . I 'm sorry , I must have gone back to work - I did not go back to work when I said I did . I must have gone back to work about ' 70 . Ah , okay , that makes a difference , yeah , sorry about that . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's all right . Was it hard to - you said you brought your dog over to Germany . Was that hard to do back then , or was it easy ? Mrs . Osborne : If you brought an animal in , it would be put to death . And so we were just terrified about what was going to happen to our dog , which - he was a member of our family , definitely . We 'd had his mother before him and had him since he was born . And I can remember when we got off the plane in London , we could see his crate being unloaded , and we were just sitting in there watching to see what they were going to do with it . And when we saw it go onto the plane going to Germany , that was such a relief . I don 't know what we would have done if they hadn 't done that . But they were having an outbreak of rabies in England at the time , and that 's why they had just shut down everything completely . But that was terrifying . And the children were already so upset about going that that 's all they needed was to find out that the dog might be missing when we got there . And there were people - when we got to Germany , I remember seeing , there were some animal crates going around , empty , on the carousel . Fortunately , ours still had a dog in it . Mrs . Osborne : And he was so glad to get out of there . But that was the hardest - they would not , back then , they wouldn 't allow animals up in the plane . He had to be down in baggage , which was not heated really or air conditioned or - you know , it was just really , really bad . So we were lucky he survived . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : But the Germans were pretty dog - friendly , weren 't they ? Mrs . Osborne : Oh , very much so . Our dog had so many friends over there . We had friends that Morris knew from work there that wanted to keep him for every trip we went on , and we would come back - he was a dachshund , just a regular sized dachshund , and we tried to keep him fairly sleek , because they do have back troubles , and every time we came back from a trip , he would be just like a football . Mrs . Osborne : Stuffed to the gills , round as all get out , and have garlic breath from all the wurst that they 'd been feeding him . He just loved those German friends and they loved him . Oh boy , " He is just such a good dog , he just loves staying with us . " Yes , he did . He got spoiled rotten . And we 'd have to run him all over the place to get him slimmed down again , get him back on dog food . And , " I don 't know why you feed him dog food . He really likes salami better . " Well , yes , he does . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , the weather . It got dark so early . It would be , in the wintertime , it would be dark - by the time our children got off the school bus , it was already dark . So playing outside , there wasn 't any such thing . And it was dark when they left for school in the morning . Just all kinds of things like this . And where we were , we didn 't have a lot of snow . The temperature 's something like Oak Ridge , except a little bit more - it rained every single day , and you didn 't have the sunny days . Like , Oak Ridge is wonderful in that we have these beautiful sunny days in the middle of winter that just restores your faith in humanity and life . Everybody needs this , and in Germany you did not have this . It was just gray , day after day after day . Of course they had lots of celebrations and lots of parties and Fasching was huge , huge . Fasching was a time of parades everywhere and lots of people dressing up and we went to special Fasching parades and villages over there where they had people all dressed up in these very old masks , witch masks , wooden ones , and went around dressed as witches and poked their brooms at the dog - you took your dog everywhere in Germany - and would give out candy to the children , you know , scare them and then give them candy , this type of thing . Everything was just so different and it was so clean over there ; it was wonderful . You were responsible for keeping the street in front of your house clean , and I was responsible for keeping the stairs and the landing - we were on the second floor of a house , where we were living , and I was responsible for keeping that mopped . Now , some things were very , very hard . The German washing machines back then - this was in the days of polyester , and a lot of our clothes were polyester , and the German washing machines started with cold water , heated the water up to boiling , took like two hours to do a load and sort of boiled the clothes , so what happened to polyester was terrible . We did not ever buy a German washing machine . We wound up Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . So did your children enjoy school in Germany and did they learn German ? Mrs . Osborne : Our daughter did and our youngest son wound up enjoying it . Our oldest son did not . He just couldn 't make it . We had assured him that if he would just try , that if he couldn 't make the switch , we would send him back to graduate with his class here , because he was a senior in high school . And he just could not make the change . So we sent him back to Oak Ridge by himself just about New Year 's . He had to be back for a whole semester in order to graduate with his class at Oak Ridge High School . So some friends of ours that had a daughter his age had said he could stay with them . He didn 't know them that well , but he came back and stayed with them . It was very , very hard on him . I would never do that again . I don 't know how we would handle it if it ever came up again , but that was , for him , it was a bad , bad year . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , it is too bad . The other two wound up making a switch . Linda wound up becoming very good in German and Paul wound up enjoying himself . Now they were going to an American school on the Army base . We had promised them - there was no school that taught in English around there , and we only had six weeks notice that we were going to be going , moving over , so we had no time to learn the language ahead of time . So we had assured them that they would be going to a school where they would be taught in English . So they went to a military school , which was a terrible school . It was not a good one at all . After going to the Oak Ridge schools , it was a real , real letdown . The first class we ever took our oldest son into , it was an English class , and there were guys sitting in there reading comic books , getting credit for reading comic books , and David had been in advanced classes at Oak Ridge High School . Mrs . Osborne : So the teacher just said to us , " Get him out of here as fast as you can ; send him home . " So that 's another reason that he wound up going home . So he did okay scholastically , but emotionally it was just really not good . He was too young to be away from the family . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . It was not easy . They spoke English to him and spoke German to each other , so that he had to really learn fast and try to get really good in order to know what was going on , and it was not easy for him , either . We were the first of several families that were sent over for this project , and it was a project to have the - like , Morris was supposed to be working with people over there who were working on the same type of thing that he had been working on here at the lab , so that they didn 't have to duplicate the same experiments and whatnot . They could share information back and forth , which obviously makes sense financially as well as other ways , so that 's what it was all about , and we learned a whole lot by being over there , found out how insulated we had been living in our little puddle here in Oak Ridge , that we thought we were big time stuff because there were people here from all over the world and actually we weren 't all that big time stuff . When you get out in the world , you find out . So we learned a lot of different - did lots and lots of traveling , went to Holland and Belgium and Spain and Egypt and Italy , and we have all the usual things : got robbed in Italy , got sick in Spain . And went to Czechoslovakia , which was a closed - in country back then and that was on a - actually , we joined a military tour , or one that was sponsored by the officers ' wives club , this sort of thing , so it was very inexpensive . And did the same thing - went to London . I took the kids and went to London for three or four days and went to the ballet and just did all kinds of - the museums and whatnot . Just did a lot of things so that they had all kinds of advantages over people that never get to do any of these things . And I had all kinds of advantages this way . I loved the traveling . I loved going to different castles and seeing all the churches and the age of the cities . Like , they 'd be having their thousand year anniversary . And that 's when the United States was having its two - hundredth . Mrs . Osborne : We were having a really big celebration and everything , and Elvis Presley died while we were over there , and that was a big thing in Germany , too . I was just amazed at how much the Germans loved him . But he had been in Germany when he was in the military . And I was in a German American woman 's club in which we had a little cooking group of eight ladies , and we took turns cooking . The American ladies would cook one month and the German ladies would cook the next month , and then exchange recipes and whatnot . Jimmy Carter was elected president while we were over there and he had cheese grits . Well , they had never heard of cheese grits , and they wanted to know what they were , so we fixed a brunch for the ladies in our group , the German ladies , in which we fixed cheese grits and sausage balls and eggs and this sort of thing , like you would have a southern - and biscuits and whatnot . And they did things like - everything that they did had lots of liquor in it . We had Black Forest cake , which has a whole bottle of Kirschwasser in it , which is , whoa , that stuff burns all the way down . I think you could light the cake on fire . Mrs . Osborne : And just lots of things like that , and had some of the most wonderful mushroom soup that they made one time , just some things that you would never have had an opportunity to try otherwise , just heavenly . And you learned what some of the customs were . Anytime you have a coffee over there , you end the coffee by serving something alcoholic just before you send everybody home , which is not what 's done in this country . Mrs . Osborne : And we were always scared to death that we would get stopped by the police on the way home . But you couldn 't insult them by saying no . At least we never would have done that . Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Yeah . But they appreciated finding out some of these things . And we had just a regular picnic for them one time with hotdogs and hamburgers and potato salad and the whole thing , just as they were trying to do typical dishes for us that they would use . So it was fun exchanging . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I was very restless when I came back and I had been to so many wonderful , wonderful museums , that I thought , I want to work for a museum . So I went down here to what was then the American Museum of Atomic Energy , which is now the American Museum of Science and Energy , and I got a job . And the longer I worked there , the more responsibility they gave me . I started out working in the gift shop and working as a - doing one or two of the little audience shows that they had . I did the genetics show with the animals , and then I wound up - they were giving me more things to read and more things to read and wound up doing one on reactors . I think I told you that when I found out that I had this physics class from Harvard in my audience one day around the reactors , I decided , oh boy , you better get back to school if you 're going to answer questions from people like this . So that 's when I decided to go back to school , and I went back to UT and started after twenty - five years of being out of school , just signed up for a full load . I continued working at the museum the first year and then I had to quit because I just had too many labs and everything to have time for that . So I went back for two years , loved it , just loved going back to school , because that 's one of those things you get your pats on the back , just right away . Here 's your grades . You 're either doing well or you 're not doing well , you know , you have something . It 's so different from being a housewife and always sort of wondering , " Did they really like that meal ? " Because the one that didn 't is going to tell you about it , but if they did like it , they 're not necessarily going to say anything . Going back to school is really a positive experience ; it was for me . And I really enjoyed being around the kids . They treated me like I was practically one of them . They loved to borrow my notes because I took very good notes and much better than they did , and they like to study with me for exams and stuff . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : YoMrs . Osborne : Well , actually , no . It had been twenty - five years , and I just - actually it had been thirty years since I had done that , and I had never really used my shorthand , so no , I really couldn 't do that . But I certainly was really good at other things , and I just took things that I enjoyed and wound up getting my degree in Botany and doing some lab work for one of the botanists over there that was a lot of fun . I mean , it was a lot of work , too , but it was fun to do it . I thoroughly enjoyed it . I wound up trying to grow a strain of something or other and when she , my professor , examined what I had been carefully - every time , every week - dividing and spreading out on another Petri dish and dividing and this sort of thing , she found I was growing an absolutely terrible strain of staph [ Staphylococcus ] . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : But I 'd done it well . So , I said , " How could I have gotten that ? " And she said , " Well , everybody has staph on their body . " Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . And even though you 're running your hands under these lights to - you know , you 're washing and everything and then you 're running them under the special lights before you 're putting them under the hood to work and everything . But evidently I 'd gotten a staph bug in there . But she caught it and no harm done . And I had certainly learned the procedure even though I hadn 't grown the right thing . So that was interesting . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : What an interesting experience . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Ah , yes , a student like me is really - oh , and I 'd learned - one of the really exciting things that I did , we had a lady professor , assistant professor , that taught one of my lab courses that specialized in spiders . So she was going to have us specialize in spiders that quarter . We had to go out in this field when it was all wet with dew and whatnot and try to trap spiders , crawling around on our hands and knees . And I thought , if my bridge club could only see me now : I 'm out here crawling around in the mud trying to find spiders , which I absolutely hate and trap them in this little glass jar and then dot them with a dot of color . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : We had started out in a babysitting club together with our children way back when I had the first child . We didn 't have grandmothers and people around that could babysit , and so a lot of the mothers banded together , like , twenty - five , thirty mothers would band together into a babysitting club , and took turns keeping the books . A different woman kept the books every month and you took calls from people who wanted a sitter and calls from people who were available to sit , and you matched them up this way . And if you used a sitter for three hours , you had to sit for somebody for three hours . And so it didn 't cost you anything . You had a well - trained mother that was sitting with your children , so you didn 't have to worry about them , and back then this was just really important , because everybody was getting by on as little as possible and wanting a good sitter , so this is what we did . And so I had met Connie in this , and we had formed a bridge club way back then . Well , she said they needed a clerk at the library and why didn 't I come and interview . So I did . And I didn 't want to be a library clerk per se , but then she explained that probably the circulation supervisor would be leaving within the year and they thought I might be interested in that job and that the experience of being a clerk for six , eight months would certainly stand me in good stead , seeing as I didn 't have a library degree . So I did that . I worked as a clerk , and then I became the circulation supervisor , and was that for like ten years . And that was my - and then I had to retire because I 'd worn out my knees at that point , particularly one knee . I was on crutches at that point . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I learned how tough it is to tell people they have to pay for overdue books when the reason their books are overdue is because their husband had checked them out and then had died . And I was not allowed - because the money went in - all the overdue monies went into the City general fund . I was not allowed to forgive a single nickel of an overdue thing . And that is so hard to find out the reason these are overdue is because " I didn 't even think about the fact that , you know , we had these out when John died . " And of course you would normally say , " Well , don 't worry about it ; we 're just happy to have them back . " Nope , I had to charge . That was really hard . And then there was the day that there was this nice young man that was obviously going to college and didn 't have much when he came in and he had his backpack , and he started taking these books out of his backpack , putting them up on the counter , bringing them back , and as he did , these huge roaches went crawling off , just running off from these books . Mrs . Osborne : I didn 't want those roaches running around the library . And I had to take the book back and wash it well , but we had plastic on it . He was so embarrassed . Mrs . Osborne : So that was one of my memorable moments . And then there was the man who brought a book back in a plastic bag and said , " I think you might want to throw this away . " And I 'm saying , " Why would I want to throw the book away ? " [ He said ] , " Well , it 's not a good book . I don 't think you want to have it . " [ I said ] , " I don 't think we have the right to judge whether a book is a good book or not . " [ He said ] , " Well I still think you ought to throw it away . " I kept trying to find out why , and finally it turned out that it was because he had dropped it in something very , very bad and had tried to wash it off somewhat , put it in the plastic bag and brought it back . Needless to say , we threw it away . Mrs . Osborne : People are more fun . And then there were all sorts of just lovely people that came in that I hadn 't seen for years : people I 'd gone to high school with , people that had been friends of my parents , just lots of wonderful , wonderful people that it was such a pleasure to see and to renew acquaintance with and to help . And they love the library . Oak Ridgers really use their library a tremendous amount . It 's very , very important to them . And it 's a very good library , frankly . And I know you want to hear about the man with the shoe fetish . Mrs . Osborne : It was a nice young man who had some mental problems that I had never heard of before . I had never heard of a shoe fetish before . And he pigeonholed me one day back in the stacks asking me to help him find something . And while we were back in the stacks , he started admiring my shoes and saying he 'd " love to get some like that for his mother and what kind were they ? " And I couldn 't remember what kind they were , so I , being very accommodating , pulled one off to see what the brand was , at which point he grabbed it out of my hand , and then I had to try to get the shoe back from him , and that 's when I realized something was wrong . And I was so embarrassed . I finally got my shoe back and went running back into the back room and told somebody about it , and everyone started laughing . And I had just met the man with the shoe fetish . And evidently , most everybody had met him sooner or later there and I had just run into him . He never did anything terrible ; he just liked shoes . And it was embarrassing , very embarrassing . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : About the same number that work there now , I think . I don 't think they 've been able to add or subtract much of anybody since I was there . It was not computerized at that point , so there were a lot of mundane jobs that had to be done , like we had to put date due cards in every single book that was checked out , book , record , whatever . And we had to every - that 's when people were checking out lots of records . And we had to check every single record when it came back in to see if it had been scratched or warped or something or other , because , it 's amazing , the number of people who didn 't understand that the LP records , if you left them in a car , even for ten or fifteen minutes , would warp . Mrs . Osborne : And they would have to pay for them then because the library , obviously , had paid for them . So a lot of things that took a lot longer to do back then - we had to take a book card out of the pocket , back pocket , of every book , so that we knew what was checked out and what wasn 't checked out , because now you can just , you know , key it into the computer and " Oh , oh yeah , that book 's checked out , " you know , " And it 's due back a week from Wednesday " or something . Well , then , we couldn 't . We would have to go through all of these cards . So we had cards that had to be alphabetized every single morning , and it was from all the things that had been checked out the day before . So you alphabetized them , and then you worked them in with the other cards . And so if you were not able to alphabetize , you couldn 't work at the library . That was one of the tests that was given to every page , every clerk , everyone that went to work there . And it 's amazing the number of young people that could not alphabetize . So being a page at the Oak Ridge Public Library was a real leg up also . That was a good job . It was hard , and if you were a good page , you were capable of doing almost anything in life . That 's the amazing thing about it . Because you had to be able to work with people , get along with people , you had to be able to do things quickly , you had to be able to be very agreeable and just - taking the truckloads of books out and putting them in the right place . Every once in a while , we would find that we had just all kinds of books out of place , and we would find we had a page who was being lazy . They were just taking them out and just sticking them somewhere , which involved , then , either my retraining , talking to them about changing their way or else firing them , one or the other , depending on what they were willing to do . And we had volunteers that came in that helped put the books up also , and every once in a while we would have a volunteer that absolutely could not put them in the right place . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : How many pages and volunteers did you manage ? Mrs . Osborne : I had eleven people under me , of which - they were - all the clerks were under me plus all of the five pages were under me . So , six clerks and five pages , and that 's the most , like my boss only had one person under her and that was me . And the head of reference only had the reference librarians under her . Because the pages change every year , I was always going through training and retraining , which meant I was working late , night after night , because the pages didn 't come to work till like five o ' clock , and I got off at 5 : 30 . Well , if you 're training somebody , you have to be around . So I put in lots of extra time doing that . Mrs . Osborne : It was , it was . I enjoyed it , though . I liked a lot of it . I disliked some of it . I disliked the autonomy , I guess , the fact that you didn 't have the right to be as understanding as you would like to be . And for me that was hard . As I said I was definitely a square peg in a round hole when it came to that . But it takes all kinds to make a good library , I think . Mrs . Osborne : The people , working with the people , seeing them , trying to please them , trying to help them find what they wanted , what they needed , help the kids get the help that they needed for different papers , this sort of thing . I was constantly amazed by damage that people would do to books . I had never known that some people would cut pages out of reference books to avoid paying ten cents to make a copy of a page , that they would just deliberately go back in the stacks and do this sort of thing . I had never known that people would take the expensive tables that you have down there , special ones , and carve things in them , so that you wind up having to buy these special heavy Plexiglas tops for all of them to keep them from being ruined . Just a lot of things like this . I just did not realize that you had people like that . Mrs . Osborne : Guess I grew up in a very small , little , little group of not doing things like this , so I was just amazed at some of the things . Every time somebody got something stolen , I was shocked . I actually threw one young man out one night who was being just terrible . He was a guy that had been a big star at Oak Ridge High School in football , but he 'd never really learned to write his name , and he 'd been in special ed classes all along , so he could print his first name and the first initial of his last name , and that was it . So he liked to hang out in the library . But by this time , he was in his twenties , and he was drinking heavily , and he would come in and want to use the phone . And that 's not a thing you normally do is let people - you certainly can 't leave somebody in the back workroom at night by themselves using the phone . You have to stay by them . So it turns out his important phone call was to a girl he was trying to get a date with for the night . So I told him he had to get off the phone , and he kept on talking and I kept telling him to get off the phone . I finally just cut him off , at which point I thought he was going to hit me , he was so astonished that I would do that . And I beat him to the punch in that I just pointed my finger at him and said , " Get out of here right now . Don 't you come back here tonight . " I was so angry at him because he - I was so busy out at the front desk and he 's taking my time to be back there to try to talk a girl into letting him come over . And he said that was more important , so anyway , he left . And I thought afterwards , my gosh , he could have really hurt me if he 'd wanted to . So that was pretty dumb on my part . Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know . I did not ask them . They invited me back as a volunteer to do the same work that I had been doing , and I went back a time or two , and then I thought , wait a minute , this is kind of dumb . If I could not work here because my knees were so bad for pay , why am I coming back as a volunteer to do the very same work ? So I decided I would do something else . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I went back to doing a lot of the volunteer work that I used to do . I had always done lots of volunteer work at different things . I had always - well , I 'd taught swimming for the Red Cross for years , enjoyed that thoroughly . I taught the swimming badge for the Boy Scouts , lifesaving badge for the Boy Scouts , taught different classes at church . For the last fifteen years , I 've been leading classes in helping people find their spiritual gifts that God has given them , which has been just one of the most exciting things to do imaginable , and leading other small groups . I 'm a very strong believer in that to have a deep faith in God , you need to belong to a small group , that people help sustain you , help you sustain your faith and support you in all kinds of things . And not everyone is fortunate enough to have a group of friends or people like this . And that 's what small groups do . And so studying and deepening your faith while you are making these relationships or carving out these relationships makes it doubly precious and really sustains you for years in everything you do . It 's been very helpful for me . Mrs . Osborne : Nope , no , they always had lots of volunteers and I always thought I would go back there . I did do the voice for one of their Oak Ridge shows way back . I was on recording there . Mrs . Osborne : It was a slide show . I 'm sorry , it was a slide show that they did with the voice going along with it , and the voice that went with it was me . And that went for quite a few years before they changed shows . So now they have professional people that do that , and I have never been a professional voice person . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I also sing . I used to . Since I quit working down there . I discovered that I 'd always wanted to be a torch singer and I love singing some of the old love songs : Gershwin , Cole Porter , and just a lot of the songs from the Second World War and just a lot of things like this I like . There are needs for this in some of the retirement centers and at the Keystone group down here , which is the daycare center for people with problems . Music stays with people longer than any other kind of memory . Singing some of the old songs brings back all kinds of things for them , and I love doing it . We were having cabarets at church also almost every year for a while when we would be putting on a dinner . And then eventually we wound up not doing a dinner ; we did just delicious homemade desserts and the show , and selling tickets . So I did a lot of this . I did a little directing and a lot of singing and this type of thing , and then I sang at the Daily Grind , which was a coffee house here in Oak Ridge , and that was fun . Mrs . Osborne : Right , right . They 're in the corner at Jackson Square . Yeah , I used to do that on Friday night once in a while . And , you know , you 'd end up singing for three hours straight , and that takes a little training to be able to do . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , that 's neat . You know , you were here during the sixties , and I think that Margaret Mead came here in the sixties . Is that right ? Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : I 've heard that she was critical of Oak Ridge because there weren 't any grandparents in Oak Ridge and she thought that you needed - Mrs . Osborne : Oh ! Well now she 'd be critical of Oak Ridge because it 's all grandparents . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : You know , she , bless her heart , she just had to be critical of things , and that 's a good point . But a lot of people wound up getting their parents to move here after they had children and said they were staying on here . After their parents retired , their parents wound up moving here and retiring to help take care of their grandchildren and whatnot . But , yeah , I remember she was not - she didn 't seem to find as much joy in Oak Ridge or pride in it as we all thought she should . And then there was a doctor - who was the doctor from Georgia that I used to go to ? Mrs . Osborne : Dr . Greenblatt , from Georgia . He was a specialist in hormones , and Carbide actually had him come up and talk to all the wives that would go to hear him , about how to go through difficult times in your life , go through menopause or whatnot , or how to help your children out if they were having hormone problems or this type of thing , and he came up , and that 's where I went to hear him . And he was very far out as far as most people were concerned . He believed in having not just shots , hormone shot , or taking pills , but he believed in having them put pellets , hormone pellets , into the abdomen or into the hip that would last for five to six months for people . And he did the same thing for children that were not growing as they should or not developing as they should , and he was a specialist in this down at the University of Georgia , I believe . Mr . Osborne : I think it was the University of Georgia at Augusta . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , okay . So , anyway , I used to have one of his books that he had written , also on this . He was really an expert on this . And I wound up going to him quite a few times . He was an amazing man . All these people that are really amazing have egos , or a lot of them , have egos to go along with it . So they are sometimes their own worst enemy . But it 's amazing how much they know . And Oak Ridge just seemed to have the best of everything back in the fifties and sixties . Back when I was a girl , you didn 't have to worry about locking your doors , you didn 't have to worry about who your children were going with , because everybody that was in here had been investigated and had some sort of clearance or some sort of investigation done . You did not have to - it was just safe everywhere . And one of the really neat things is there were all these greenbelt areas between houses to give you more privacy , so you didn 't have just house right behind house behind house in a lot of cases . And I know where we lived , there was a gravel path that went through the woods and up these - across a little bridge that across this great huge drainage ditch that would just be roaring with water after the rains , and up some steps and up onto Georgia Avenue , and then right over down one of those lanes and down to the - across Blankenship field and up to the school there . That 's how I walked to school . And when you 're coming home from the movie , that 's how you walked home , through the woods this way , and it was perfectly safe because there weren 't any weirdoes around that - at least certainly no weirdoes that anybody heard of or knew about . Everything was completely safe . And as a teenager , this was just so romantic to get to walk through the woods with your boyfriend and be out of sight of your parents this way . I mean this was just really really terrific . Mrs . Osborne : We had a " D " house down at the bottom of Fulton Lane . It was the only " D " house on the street , and we had to live in the Guest House for the first two weeks waiting for our things to get here and for the house to be finished . And they finished the house and we moved in , and it was a very , very nice house . It was at the bottom , so we were at the cul - de - sac sort of thing . We had houses across the street . There wasn 't anything at the end but just a parking area and then the woods behind us and our porch faced the greenbelt area . A " D " house was really a lovely house . Mrs . Osborne : Senior . He was the one that wound up having the heart transplant and this sort of thing . Anyway , he was the only one out there at that time . And then , after I had been on the Math Panel - I don 't remember how long , I guess just a year or two - they hired a young black woman mathematician - she had her master 's degree in Math - to come and work on the Math Panel . Really a nice young lady . Her husband was a professor at Knoxville College . So when she came , I didn 't realize what a big deal this was , but other people did . When you 're twenty - one , you don 't sometimes realize how important some things are , and it turned out that for her to go to the cafeteria was absolutely terrible , because we were like three blocks from the cafeteria , so you always walked down , naturally , because you couldn 't bring your car in . So you walked to the cafeteria , you bought your food , you sat in there and ate . So you would go to lunch with friends . So when - I can 't remember her name . That 's terrible ; I can picture her but I cannot remember her name . But she was really nice , and so we made plans that three of us were going to take turns going to lunch with her so she would never have to go down there by herself , because sure enough , when she walked in the cafeteria , a lot of the workmen would glare at her and make comments and this sort of thing , because there just had not been any black people eating in there and they were not used to this at all . So we made sure that she never had to go by herself to the cafeteria . And this was fine . We had worked [ it ] out very well , and we enjoyed having lunch with her . Mrs . Osborne : No , but it would have been really tough for her to have to sit by herself at a table , you know . They would not have done anything to her , I 'm sure , but they would have gone out of their way to make comments or something like that . But the fact that she always had two guardians , more or less , with her made it much easier . So her husband had a birthday while she was working there at the lab . So she decided to have a big party for him , and she invited Morris and I , and she invited this other girl from the Math Panel , Nancy Dismuke and her husband Stewart , to go also . So we decided we were all going to go , wondering what it was going to be like , and so we drove with the - the Dismukes drove , we rode with them over to Knoxville and to the Knoxville College area there where they lived and we went into this party . And everybody in the party had a master 's degree or a Ph . D . except for us , I think . [ laughter ] Except for Morris and I , that is , because Nancy Dismuke had a master 's . But they were all from Knoxville College , professors , and there were some white professors . I didn 't realize Knoxville College had some white professors at that point , which they did . So it turned out it was really a strange feeling to be completely surrounded by all blacks , because I had never in my entire life had this happen . And it was just - strange is the only way - and I 'm sure it was as strange for them to see us coming in when they didn 't know us at all . The other white people that worked at Knoxville College fit in just fine , but we were - they weren 't real sure about what we were going to be like or what we were going to say or do , I 'm sure . But we played games and wound up having a nice time . It was a lovely party , with your usual soft drinks and cake and coffee , and this type of thing , and just a happy birthday . Her husband was a really nice guy . She didn 't work for a real long time . She only worked for about a year or two there and then she left . I have a picture of the Math Panel group with hDr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , I 'm sure . When did they start doing the free breakfasts for underprivileged children ? Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know , because they didn 't have them when I worked at Linden . The child was allowed to - the one child I was thinking of was allowed to sleep under a table until almost noon because he was so tired . There were like ten kids in the family and one bed , and so he always got pushed out of bed because he was the youngest . So he would come and sleep under this table , and then would - I don 't know if he had to wait till lunch or if when we had recess , whether they could get him something to eat then . But I know that the counselor there at school would take him up and shower him off and find clean clothes for him and this type of thing , because he had no care at home at all , this one child , had not whatsoever , and it 's just pitiful to see this happen . But they could have been a white family . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yeah . Now , I did not know that until much later that Oak Ridge had a real problem finding teams to play them in the different sports , in football or in basketball because they had integrated . We 're a government town , and so naturally you are integrating . And the other schools around in Tennessee did not want to play a school that had blacks on the team . They weren 't going to have their boys having to get up close and personal and play these guys . So they had an awful time filling the schedules , and they had to offer all kinds of incentives in order to fill the football schedule and whatnot , so that was tough . Mrs . Osborne : We did at that time . We had better equipment , better uniforms . The poverty level around in Tennessee was - or the poverty , not just the level , but the poverty - was very prevalent , and it showed up in things like teams and uniforms and all this sort of thing , which was not considered such a big deal back then as it is now . Now , everybody knows that the more important thing , part of school , is your football and your basketball . Anyway , but that may be one reason we 're behind the Chinese and Japanese , I 'm not sure . But anyway , then it wasn 't that big a thing , and we also , of course , had much better schools . We had teachers that came from all over the place and we had classes - we had science classes that they didn 't have in the local schools around , just all sorts of things here , as well as having drama and art and music and - I 'm sure they had music in some of the things , but we had - Oak Ridge schools just had a lot of things that other schools in the surrounding area could not afford , and that was sort of held against us . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : And also , you had said something about going to shop in Knoxville and Clinton . What was that like ? How did they treat Oak Ridgers ? Mrs . Osborne : Well , I did not shop in Clinton . Clinton was a real little backwater town . It wasn 't worth stopping in , I 'm sorry , at that point . Now , it 's a lovely place to go antiquing , and once you found out about Hammer 's , back before they moved particularly , Hammer 's was always fun to go to . Mrs . Osborne : Hammer 's was a local department store that was in this old building with all kinds of little out - of - the - way rooms and whatnot and little steps here and there and roundabout and they would get in truckloads of stuff that maybe came from a fire sale or came from something or other or came from QVC that didn 't sell . I 'm not sure where all . And they 'd sell at just really , really small prices . I know a girl who got lots of money for college by buying these - what were the shirts that had the duck on it or something like that ? Mrs . Osborne : Izod shirts . She used to go to Hammer 's and buy the Izod shirts , the seconds , and sell them to her sorority sisters at the University of North Carolina for regular prices and make all kinds of money this way . She was very much an entrepreneur and earned a lot of money this way . But that 's the sort of thing that Hammer 's had , if you could get in there . Somebody I know bought a baby grand piano from them . I did buy some wicker furniture from them once , and I used to go over there and get fabric and I 've gotten , you know , a few articles of clothing there at different times , but now it 's - it still has some good buys , I 'm sure , but I 'm too old and tired to shop there anymore . Mrs . Osborne : It moved , no , it 's still in Clinton , but it 's out at the other end of Clinton , now . It 's not in downtown Clinton anymore ; it 's out just before you get to the river , out past where the fairgrounds are on the other side , so it 's not as interesting . It 's in a normal place now instead of being in a funny little hole place . Mrs . Osborne : I did go to Knoxville , and the thing that was so remarkable about Knoxville is the coal soot . I can remember standing on the corner , waiting for a bus , and winding up with black specks all over my coat and my face , and if you touched them , it just spread , because it was coal soot , and it would just grind right into your skin and into your coat , the fabric of it , whatever , and I had never - I mean , we had coal furnaces in Michigan , but we didn 't have coal soot like that . I don 't know if it was a difference in coal or - Mrs . Osborne : I do not remember noticing that . Now I know that we had the same furnace in our " D " house that everybody had , but I have no idea if it was a coal furnace or not because I don 't remember ever getting coal from a coal truck . So whether it might have been an oil furnace back then , I don 't know . Mrs . Osborne : We did not get a coal delivery that I know of . We had no coal . Now , the cemestos did not . I know the flattops did , because this friend that I used to visit in a flattop definitely had the place where the coal was kept out in front and the little coal stove inside and whatnot , but in the cemesto you didn 't have that . So whether I was just too dense to remember it or whether we had a different kind of furnace - Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Well , you remembered it being smoggy in Knoxville , so chances are the problems were worse in Knoxville than they were in Oak Ridge . Mrs . Osborne : They definitely were . They definitely were . And this was in downtown Knoxville on Gay Street , because I was standing on Gay Street because Miller 's was on Gay Street then , and Miller 's was the big department store . Mrs . Osborne : Okay , they were fine . It was the kids at school that used to make fun of the way I talked , and one of the words that they always thought was the funniest was the way I said ' cow , ' and they would always say , " Say ' cow , ' Barbara . Listen to her . Listen to her , now . Say ' cow . ' " And [ I would say ] , " Cow . " They 'd " [ laughter ] . " And I 'd think , " What 's wrong with the way I say ' cow , ' " you know , but who knows . Mrs . Osborne : But I could tell whether I was or whether - I think I could tell if you were . So it 's really strange . It depends on where you 're from . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . Everybody has different speech features . How do you think - you know , sometimes people talk about having trouble with businesses in Knoxville because they were obviously not from this area , and the Knoxvillians knew that and they didn 't really like outsiders . You seem to have a pretty good experience in Knoxville from what I can tell , and maybe after the Manhattan Project , it wasn 't so much of a problem . Mrs . Osborne : It made the culture so different from every place else , that we 're spoiled . We think that all other towns are bound to be something like Oak Ridge , that they 're going to have people that are willing to listen to the pros and the cons and then make a decision , that there are people who you can argue with and maybe change their mind that aren 't just completely hidebound and something like this . And somehow , when you get away from Oak Ridge , you find that 's not necessarily true . You get into some of the good old boy stuff , and if you aren 't either a Democrat or a Republican , depending on where you are , why , you don 't have anything good to say or anything worth listening to and so forth and so on , and you 're never going to change somebody 's mind . If you 've got God and logic on your side , you still aren 't going to be able to change their mind , that there are people like this . Because the majority of people in Oak Ridge are operating from a brain and they have learned through the years - now , I 'm not saying everybody , but I 'm saying the majority of people that you run into here are people who have used their minds and found out there 's rights and wrongs and there 's some shady , gray shades in this world and there are some things that you just can 't come out and say is either black or white , and this type of thing . I think we have gotten very spoiled . I know our oldest son found this out . He was the one that went into restaurant management and being a chef . When he went to other towns to help open restaurants , he found some of the narrow - mindedness in some of the South Carolina towns absolutely appalling compared to what he was used to from here in Oak Ridge , the people here . Mrs . Osborne : The things that they say , their beliefs , you know , whether it 's the good old boys on football Saturday or whether it 's the fact that they 're going to fly the - I think South Carolina was having a real problem with the Confederate flag back about the time that he was there , so whether it had something to do with that , and the fact that he is a reader . He has just read more stuff than - I thought I was a reader , but he is really - he reads all of an author and then goes on to the next author and then , you know , this type of thing , and he is what I would consider an extremely well - read individual . So the fact that he had trouble finding people with the same interests that he had once he left Oak Ridge , that had something to do with it maybe . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Were people in Oak Ridge ever worried during the integration of the schools ? I mean , you say you don 't remember many problems , but were they worried about violence ? Because they had all that violence in Clinton . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yes , they really were . Everybody in the South was worried about violence . And I think as a result , a lot of Oak Ridgers stepped up to try to minimize any violence that might crop up or to try to stop it before it happened , this type of thing . What happened in Clinton was bad , and what happened in Mississippi was terrible , and it just is completely against everything you believe in . If you have a Christian faith , you can 't possibly approve of that sort of thing . And I cannot imagine any of the Jewish faith wanting that sort of thing either , that they would be just as appalled as - I said this badly by saying Christian faith , but my experience is coming from what I think is the Christian faith , but my Jewish friends would likewise be just as appalled by that sort of thing . So I think Oak Ridge definitely stepped up to try to avoid anything like that and to make sure that Clinton was safe going to school here , in the old Linden School , like they could do , and that that was one of the better things that came out of it . Mrs . Osborne : Right , at the old Linden . The new Linden had just opened , and so the old Linden School was not being used at that point . So they came and used that for a year . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : I have a few more questions about when you first came to Oak Ridge and just going back to the war years before you came to Oak Ridge . When you came to Oak Ridge , were you very much aware of the activity of security personnel , the guards ? Did you see much military security around ? Mrs . Osborne : I don 't remember ever noticing them . I mean , I was a high school kid , and I didn 't notice that . I had no reason to . I 'd never been in any kind of trouble . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , my father always had a very large victory garden , and he was really good at growing all sorts of things , and my mother canned things and dried things . And that was before you had freezers , really , so you weren 't freezing things . Meat was rationed during the war , so I can remember - chicken was not , and I can remember they bought twenty - five slaughtered chickens and canned them one year , just in your big glass jars , so we used a lot of chicken that year . But Dad , yeah , Dad always had lots of tomatoes and corn and just your usual things . And it was out on the edge of town where he had the victory garden . Everybody was renting little spaces to have their gardens , and we would ride out there in the evening and pick and do different things . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's interesting . I didn 't realize people had them away from their homes . I always thought the victory garden would be at your house . Mrs . Osborne : No , no , it was bigger than that , than your backyard , so I mean you really were growing food . And we also collected the tinfoil from everywhere . If anybody saw a piece of tinfoil , you know , if somebody chewed a piece of gum , you automatically stripped the tinfoil off of it , and you always had a ball of tinfoil in your pocket or somewhere , in your purse , if you were a girl , and you just added that to the ball . And the same was true with string . Every little string , you wound it around . If anybody threw down a cigarette package , you immediately grabbed it up and the inside had tinfoil between the two paper layers , and so you stripped that off . But you saved every little bit this way . And the used cooking oil , saved for something . Mrs . Osborne : And I remember I got , one time , I managed to get a five pound bag of sugar for my mother for her birthday , without using - I didn 't have any rationing stamps , because my mother had all the ration books , and it was her birthday , and I was trying to get something that she would like , and I decided that a bag of sugar would be just perfect . I went to this little store where they knew me and knew my mother , and I asked them if I could possibly buy a bag of sugar , and somehow , I don 't know how , they let me have a bag of sugar , and I took it home and wrapped it up for mother 's birthday . She was tickled to death to get a five pound bag of sugar . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I 'm sure . My parents would have been extremely happy . I was what , about twelve ? Or less than that . Mrs . Osborne : Well , Dad worked for the Atomic Energy Commission here in Oak Ridge , and came in ' 49 and went to work for them as the assistant head of the Budget Division , and stayed until about ' 63 . In ' 63 , he was transferred to Las Vegas , to the Las Vegas office - which , I never knew AEC had a Las Vegas office until then . They were there for a couple of years and then he was transferred to the Panama Canal Zone to work on the feasibility of building a second Panama Canal . This was before the first Panama Canal had been turned over to Panama . They knew - the United States knew that we had to turn it over to Panama , and they were wondering , they were afraid about what was going to happen . So they got to thinking about , what about the feasibility of building a second one , so that we would always have one . So Dad and several men from Engineering in the Army were the group picked to study this , and so he and Mother moved to Panama . And everybody else that worked on this project was military , so they lived on the military base there , except my mother and father were not military , so they had to live off the base , and the other ladies would let Mother know about how much she was missing by not being able to use the clubs there and the groceries there and all this sort of thing , and [ they would remark ] , " What a shame your house has cracks in it so the bugs come through , " and all this . So , anyway , Mother didn 't like it at all , but Dad loved it . He loved being out in the jungle , and they were trying to find where they would build one . And so they were just back in the jungle a lot of the time , hiking and trying to decide where would be a place that they could do this and how much would it cost , what would be - and they came up with the fact that it would not be a feasible thing to do , so that was their recommendation , was to not do it . Mrs . Osborne : I know when I went back to school as an adult , I heard a young guys talking about - over at the college - I heard a young guy talking about how the cancer rate in Oak Ridge was so high . His aunt had cancer now , and that she said it was due to all the radiation and everything in Oak Ridge , that everybody was getting cancer . And I said I didn 't think they were . And so then you realize that if you try arguing with him , you 're not going to get anywhere , that , just be quiet and let him say whatever he wants to say , and that 's the only way to go , that he had already made up his mind and was very busy sharing this with the other people in the class , that Oak Ridgers just had more chance of getting cancer than people anywhere else . Mrs . Osborne : They used to do that when I worked at the museum here . They used to ask if I lived in Oak Ridge , and then if I had any children , and they they 'd try to phrase it as nicely as possible , " Were the children all right ? " " Did they have two heads ? " or something like this , so I assured them they were all fine . Mrs . Osborne : Well , it has very good health care . I guess the fact that Oak Ridge has more to offer in the way of entertainment . They have an excellent Playhouse , they have an excellent Symphony Orchestra , they have ballet , a couple of pretty good ballet companies . They can perform with the opera company in Knoxville .
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Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : It is September 25th , 2010 , and this is Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , the Coordinator for the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History interviewing Barbara Osborne in her home . Barbara , your family came to Oak Ridge from Michigan in 1949 . What was your family doing prior to arriving in Oak Ridge and why did you move to Oak Ridge ? Mrs . Osborne : We lived in Birmingham , Michigan , where my father worked either in Detroit or in Pontiac , depending on the office that he was in . After the war , the jobs were all given to the veterans , where he had not been allowed to go into the military because his work was too important , so he had to find another job . This is just - they said it wasn 't fair , but this sort of thing just happened . A friend of his who was in Oak Ridge wrote him and said come and apply for a particular job that was open here . So he came down , applied for the job , got it and came back and moved us to Tennessee . We had never - I had never been out of the state of Michigan before , so it was very different . I heard all sorts of wild tales from kids at school and wild tales about what Oak Ridge was going to be like : mud and people making booze in the bathtub . And part of this was true . Mud was true , but the other I never found . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : [ laughter ] What are your memories ? You came to Oak Ridge when you were in high school , and then right after you moved here , the city gates opened . What are your memories of the opening of the city gates and the parade ? Mrs . Osborne : Oh , huge crowds ! I think the only people that I know of that weren 't there were the rest of my family . I 'm the only one from my family that went to the parade , and I don 't know why they didn 't go . I guess they just didn 't want to get stuck in a crowd . But I went down , and I was standing in front of the old Jackson Square Post Office watching these movie stars go by , and they looked so glamorous , and it was just excitement . I had watched Queen for a Day , which you 're way too young to know about , so seeing Jack Bailey in person was really exciting , and of course Rod Cameron was every bit as gorgeous as he was on the screen , to say nothing of Marie McDonald , and she had a beautiful fur coat on . That was when it was okay to have a fur coat . So it was just really , really exciting . And the bands were good , and , you know , just everything , the whole atmosphere was just wonderful . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I 'd never heard a real southern accent before , and I 'd never heard an East Tennessee accent . And a lot of them had never heard a Michigan accent , which I had never thought of as being an accent . The first day I was in school here , I could not understand anything anybody said - any of the students said to me . I could understand the teachers , but I couldn 't understand the students . So when I was being shown around the school by one of the girls , I never did understand where she said the lunchroom was , and so the first day I went without eating lunch because I was too embarrassed to ask , try to ask anybody else , " Where do I go to find the cafeteria ? " Because I just simply couldn 't understand what they were saying to me , and I was scared to death , and you know , just your usual teenage angst I guess . Mrs . Osborne : Back then , not everybody had a car like they do now , because there wasn 't much of any place to go except the Snow White Drive - In , which was the headquarters for all dating purposes at that point . If you had a date , you usually wound up there getting something to eat , and if you didn 't have a date , you wound up there with friends , driving around to see who did have a date [ laughter ] , and that 's just where it was happening at this point , which is very - it 's so much like Happy Days , to be honest , and so peacefully innocent compared to today 's happenings , I think . If somebody drank , it was a big thing , not a common thing . You know , it was just , " Oh , what a terrible boy that must be . " You certainly never wanted to date anybody like that , where , I don 't know , standards seem to have changed a whole lot . Mrs . Osborne : Well , they brought it in with them , however they could . There were people that made regular runs over to North Carolina to try to furnish alcohol for a party , and they would cover up the stuff in their trunk however they could , hide it under spare tires , I don 't know . One of the stories was about hiding the bottles of liquor under a sleeping baby in a baby bed in the back seat of the car , and of course you didn 't want to disturb the baby by searching under there , so they managed - I don 't know if the child , how the child could sleep on top of it , but obviously it must have been well padded . And supposedly that really happened . But some people got caught and they got in serious trouble , and some people didn 't get caught . I imagine it depended on whoever was the guard at the gate or whether or not you happened to know the guard at the gate , you know , just all sorts of things go into this . Mrs . Osborne : There were buses , and it cost ten cents , and they went all over town , and you could transfer from one bus to another . So I could go home - I walked to school from where I lived , but I could go home with my friends by just having a dime and getting on the bus with them and go and spend the afternoon at someone 's home , even if they lived out on the west end of town . So that made it very simple . Mrs . Osborne : They did , yes . I did more of that when I became a senior in high school . I was extra young as a junior and probably the youngest person in the class , so my parents were very strict with me and I didn 't do a lot of that , but later on , yes , I can remember going to see Rock City , and going to Big Ridge , going swimming and being in a canoe that got turned over , and you know , the guy lost his shoes [ laughter ] , but he learned to never dive out of a canoe . Mrs . Osborne : And that 's where we had senior skip day back then . That was before it got dangerous . It 's probably in the last five year period before it got dangerous . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . So , that 's when the school started really , you know , everybody had to do - if you went anywhere , it was by bus with the whole group doing the same thing , and we went to Big Ridge for senior skip day . I remember senior skip day . I loved that place . It was a lot of fun back then . Mrs . Osborne : As a matter of fact , I was involved in Bridge Club , and I didn 't even know how to play bridge . I was involved in Maskers also ; I was in several plays , and scared to death to stand up in front of an audience , but determined to try to get over it . And I played the mother . Only one time did I ever get to play a romantic lead . The rest of the time , I was always cast as the mother or the friend or something like this . Mrs . Osborne : I really can 't . I can remember the name of - the only time that I played the romantic lead - who played opposite me , and that was the drum major at that time , Bob Barrett . And I remember my name when I was somebody 's mother . I was Mrs . Chickester . But what was the name of the play ? Mrs . Osborne : My father said , " Get a job . " And he , either he or my mother , found out that the drug store that they got their prescriptions filled at , Elm Grove Drug Store , was looking for a counter clerk , and so I went down there and applied for a job , and they hired me , and I worked there that summer , and if ever a job made you appreciate what a college education could do for you , that was it . It was so hot ; there was no air conditioning , and you were on your feet the whole time and busy the whole time you were there . I was the soda jerk . I made wonderful milkshakes and sodas and , you know , all kinds of things . And [ I was ] very carefully watched by the man who owned the store to make sure I didn 't put an extra scoop of ice cream in any of my friends ' things . So , you know , I was honest to a T , absolutely , or honest to a fault , I guess is the term . And he wound up really liking me and asking my parents as I went off to college , you know , " When is Barbara coming home ? I want her to work on such - and - such a weekend ; I 'm having a sale , " or , " When , " you know , " Can she come back then ? Can she work over Christmas ? " This type of thing . So he liked me and I liked the fact that I didn 't have to do that for a living . Mrs . Osborne : Just turned seventeen during the summer . So off I went to Tennessee Wesleyan , and the minister , our minister from First Methodist Church took me and got me registered . He got my parents to say - give me permission to go . And moved into this very old dorm with a dried up little old lady dorm mother , and I wound up becoming the only - there were only two of us that started - we started in the winter quarter , because it took the minister that long to get my parents to give me permission to go . They just didn 't want me to leave that soon . And so only two of us started school in the winter quarter . So she was my roommate , the other girl , and she lasted two weeks and went home . So I was the only person in the entire school with no roommate , and that 's kind of a lonesome way to be . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : So what was that like ? Did you live in your room , or did you have a sleeping porch ? What was that like ? Mrs . Osborne : No , you lived in your room , and the rules there were very different from what they are now . Your parents had to sign a paper saying you could get in a car or you couldn 't get in a car . My parents refused to sign saying I could get in a car , so therefore I was not allowed to ride with anybody anywhere . They also - the dorm mother came around and made sure that you - or tried to make sure that you cleaned your room every week , and that your bed was made every day , and I was one of the biggest problems , because I decided to rebel on all the things I had been taught at home , and never make the bed and never clean the room . My parents got quite a few phone calls that year about their rebellious daughter [ laughter ] . But I joined the Tennessee Wesleyan Choir , and got some absolutely marvelous experience there and wonderful praise from the choir director , who was a real stickler . He kept saying things like , " If there are any more altos like you in Oak Ridge , send them to me ! " So I really enjoyed that and we did different shows . I worked in Maskers there at Wesleyan . The choir went on choir trips singing at churches around in different parts of Tennessee . We sang with the Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra on Beethoven 's 9th Symphony . What else did we do , things that were big time for me at that point ? It was just lots of fun . Oh , yeah , we put on Sigmund Romberg 's The Desert Song , and I learned to love Sigmund Romberg 's music through that , which I still have , a love for his music . But that was a terrific experience , the music part . And I started taking Botany because my father insisted I had to take a science ; I had to major in a science . So that was my way of rebelling against , you know , not taking any of the , what I consider the harder sciences , Chemistry or Biology or something . Botany , I was doing it my way , which is very silly . There were no jobs in botany , or at least very few , but I didn 't really care ; I was just having fun . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds like it . So after college , you moved back to Oak Ridge and got a job here . Where did you work and what was it like to work there ? Mrs . Osborne : I actually didn 't finish college . My father had me drop out after two years because I failed typing . I couldn 't stay awake ; it was at eight o ' clock in the morning , and I didn 't go to bed early enough to . I would just be so bored I would sit there and go to sleep with my hands on the keyboard . You don 't pass doing things like that . So he was really upset with me after being an extremely good scholar all my life , to fail a typing course . And so he made me go to Knoxville Business College and get a steno degree and then get a job . So after - I spent a year or nine months over in Knoxville , going to Knoxville Business College , hating every minute of it , and then I applied at the plants , which were run by Union Carbide at that point , and they started giving me all kinds of tests when I went in for filling out - I took the usual typing test and shorthand and then they started having me take some other tests , and I could not understand why . Then they called me to say I had been hired to work at X - 10 to be a computer operator on the first computer to be in the Southeast . I had no idea what they were talking about , because I 'd never heard of a big computer - a little handheld calculator , maybe , or a tabletop calculator , not handheld back then , but not a computer . And I went home and told my father and mother this and my father just about jumped out of his chair , he was so excited , because he knew all about this . Being in the Budget Division of AEC , he knew what the thing had cost and all about the logistics of it , the whole thing , and he just thought that was the most exciting thing and the fact that his daughter was going to be working on it , which was the most exciting thing he ever heard of . So I was hired to be a computer operator on the ORACLE , which was the first large computer in the entire Southeast . It was built in Argonne and then shipped down to X - 10 for the Math Panel at that point , and for the rest of the people at the lab to use , but it was going to be run by the Math Panel . ADr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds a little frustrating . Mrs . Osborne : It was frustrating , but that 's how everything starts . And it was exciting . I loved it . I loved learning about it , I loved working on it , and the more I worked on it , the more I wanted to do , so I wound up finally not being an operator . They hired some young men for that , and I was changed to becoming a programmer for the ORACLE . Now , the ORACLE stood for Oak Ridge Automatic Computer and Logical Engine . That 's O - R - A - C - L - E , yeah . And that 's what it stood for , and that was before FORTRAN , before any of the early languages . So people out there were writing subroutines ; we were shifting binary bits back and forth to do everything , to do additions , subtractions , multiplications , writing little routines to accomplish what people later accomplished in one word or one bit or this type of thing . So it was a very exciting time , and I thoroughly enjoyed a lot of that . Met a lot of people . Mrs . Osborne : Well , in my office , it was quiet , but when I worked on the computer , I was sitting at the console of this enormous machine that was probably , golly , I don 't think it was as big as a football field , but it was close to it , and it was just banks and banks and banks of these cathode ray tubes , with this enormous console in front of it . At least compared to what they are now , it was enormous . And where you 're flipping all kinds of little toggle switches and doing all sorts of things , and you 're working with all the best minds in the laboratory who were coming to put problems on and doing different things . And you 're sitting in front of a huge , great big plate glass window , which , seeing as I was twenty - one and single was kind of exciting , because everybody that I worked with had a single friend , it seemed like , and they were all walking by with their single friends and saying , " Would you like to meet her ? " So it was like being in show business almost . Mrs . Osborne : I was the only one right then , yes , for the first year . Now , there were women on the Math Panel , but they were definitely mathematicians , and I was not a mathematician at that point . I just sort of moved into that later . And evidently it was the test that they gave me that showed that I could do this or could handle it , that this was one of my strengths , so I always thought , how nice , had no idea what I was doing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , well , a lot of air conditioning . Very , very definitely a lot of air conditioning . And they checked whole banks of the tubes every single morning . The computer was down every morning for maintenance , and they would discover that something - there 'd been one tube blinking the day before , so who knows . At first it didn 't even run at night , you know , there wasn 't the need for it . And then as they began to find more uses for it and more uses for it , they started doing things at night out there , and I can remember riding out there at night with some physicists to help them with their programs , run them , and getting stopped by some of the , well , they were the guards there back by the plants , because physicists were not necessarily great drivers , the ones that were really good at some of the other things , at least these particular ones . They were brilliant men , and I 'm not saying that about all physicists , but we used to , as a young woman , we used to group them . Physicists were the ones that walked into doors and walked into people and this type of thing . Mrs . Osborne : And I married a physicist who never walks into doors or walks into people . I thought he was an engineer because he was just so neat and everything . But , yeah , we used to definitely pigeonhole the guys that walked down the hall to get coffee : " Oh yeah , that 's a chemist , you can tell , " or you 'd see him hit that wall , " He 's a physicist , " or - this sort of thing . It was a good place to be young . Mrs . Osborne : Well , the head of the Math Panel was a well known mathematician who wrote books and whatnot , Austin Householder , and he was one of the shyest men you 've ever seen in your life . He might have been a brilliant mathematician ; he was a brilliant mathematician . I can remember trying to read something that he had written one time and just , it was so far over my head , it was ridiculous . So he was definitely brilliant . But then there was a - several , what I would call big time - they became like vice presidents or assistant directors of the lab or something like this . I did meet Alvin Weinberg a time or two . And then there was Bob Sharpie , who was an assistant director , and he was an interesting man . He wound up becoming the head of some big company here in the United States , and , you know , multi - millionaire type person , becoming very well known . But at that point , he was just , what I thought was an extremely egotistical , hard to get along with person , who was an authority on a lot of things . And there was a program going on on television at that time called The $ 64 , 000 Question . There was a young high school girl who was on this show who was doing very , very well , and I can 't remember what her exact deal was , that you picked the field you want the questions in . When you got to the $ 64 , 000 question , which was the top one , you could have an authority come in and help you with it , and she picked Bob Sharpie to be her authority to come in . So we were - everybody in Oak Ridge was glued to the T . V . , if they had one back then , to watch that . And they won the $ 64 , 000 , she did . So he invited her and her parents to come and tour X - 10 , and I have a picture of them . And she 's just a normal looking girl , wearing glasses , everything - but obviously she was going to wind up being extremely good at whatever science she went into , and I never knew whatever happened to her . I hope she was a real success . But it was interesting to see , you know . Mrs . Osborne : First week . We were taking a bus - there was a bus that ran out to the lab - and so because you didn 't have a car you rode the bus . And when I went down to the bus stop , there were two of my friends from high school waiting for the same bus . So we were standing there talking and up came this nice young man to talk to one of the girls that I 'd gone to school with , and she introduced him to me , and it turned out that he was dating her at that point , or had had a couple of dates with her . And I thought he was really cute . And that was how I met him . And then we had all been asked to be ushers at an Oak Ridge Playhouse play later in the week , so we decided , well , we would - definitely none of us have a date for that , we would all do something together afterwards . So my parents dropped me off at the play . Actually the plays were at the Oak Ridge High School Auditorium right then , which was the old one up on Kentucky Avenue , and when I got there , I found out every other - there were four of us as usherettes at that point - the other three had each gotten a date . I 'm the only one that turned a date down and didn 't have one . So they were all going somewhere afterwards and I was not . Fortunately , friends of my parents were there at the play and gave me a ride home . But Morris always said - Morris was the date for this one girl , and he always said he felt so sorry for me standing there that he decided he wanted to ask me for a date . So I think I was his pity date [ laughter ] . Mrs . Osborne : But he never would ask me for a date far enough in advance . He would , you know , say , " How about could you go out , " he 'd call on Friday , " Could you go out with me on Monday night ? " Well , I already had a date Monday night . He had to call earlier than that . So after he asked me twice for a date and I turned him down each time , he said he wasn 't going to call me again , but I suggested what about such - and - such a night , when I was free , and so we went out then and that was the start of something that never stopped . By the fourth date , I knew that he was going to be the one that was going to - I was going to fall in love with him and make a big difference in my life . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , he was president of the Young Adult Fellowship at First Methodist Church , and I had always been very active in church . I was going to Kern Methodist Church at that point because it was closer to my home . So we had that and the fact that we both worked at X - 10 and we were both going to school at night and we both liked to go to the swimming pool . We did a lot of going to the swimming pool on weekends , and going up to the Smokies and driving around or hiking or both , having picnics on weekends , also . And we were both small town . In fact , he was even smaller : he 'd lived on a farm all his life . So it was definitely a reciprocating thing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , it was a very small wedding . Morris was in the process of doing some experiments with his job in solid state physics at that point , so we had to time the wedding between experiments . Because when an experiment was running , somebody had to be out there with it at night , and because the other people that were working on it all had families , he was the one that would be out with it at night . And a new husband doesn 't necessarily want to be spending the night out with an experiment . So we got married on a weekend that was at the end of one experiment and before the next one started , so we could have a honeymoon in there . And we had a very small wedding at Kern Methodist Church at eleven o ' clock in the morning , because that was before air conditioned churches , and it was in July and hot as blazes . Everything stuck to you because it was just so hot . It was mainly the people I worked with and the people he worked with and some of the people from church and friends of my parents and a few of our friends , mutual friends , and we had a reception downstairs , with just cake and punch and nuts and mints . That 's what used to be - you know , I can remember it cost ten dollars for the flowers . It cost ten dollars for the cake , because the lady that made the cake was just going into the business and that 's what she charged for this lovely cake . And a friend went over to Farmer 's Market and bought the flowers over in Knoxville and then decorated the church with them and then carried them downstairs for the reception . And I mean , it was - we got married - I used to say we got married on a dime and that was just about it . So , that 's why we had a big fiftieth wedding anniversary , because we had such a small wedding . But it certainly lasted . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , they threw the paper chad from the tapes , from all - typing all those tapes for the computer . They 'd been bagging up all those tiny , tiny little bits of paper that came out , and they were sort of a greasy paper , oily , and they had bags full of the stuff . It looked like it was just pouring rain when they were throwing this . And it got - the best man drove us away from the wedding in his mother 's car , and the car just got plastered with this stuff , and his mother never could get it completely cleaned out . [ laughter ] She wound up trading cars , I understand . And I was wearing a big white lace hat when I left on the honeymoon , and it was just full of these bits of little tiny round bits of paper chad , you know . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . Let 's see , when the children - we had three children , and I quit work when I was expecting the first child because I was having a lot of problems , so - and at that time , you stayed home with your children . You didn 't go back to work unless you were really an expert at something . And I was certainly not an expert at anything . So I stayed home as a mother , and then sixteen months later I had a second child , and then three years later I had a third child . So I was pretty busy . I stayed home until the third child went off to school . So when he went to school , I went back to work as an instructional aide at Linden School , was hired by the principal there that had been there for many , many years , and was just a wonderful lady . Mrs . Osborne : Around ' 65 , ' 66 , something like that . And so I worked there half - time as an instructional aide , so I was home when the children were home , and I could either drive them to school or pick them up from school and bring them home depending on whether I worked mornings or afternoons . I worked in third grade at least three of the years , and I worked in sixth grade one year . Got to go to Tremont with the sixth graders and teach crafts , which was - that was a wonderful week . It was one of the most enjoyable weeks of my life . I 'd been to Tremont as a mother , but to go as an instructor was even more fun . So I did that and I left Linden School because my husband was picked by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission to go to Germany as a guest scientist for two years to work at Kernforschungszentrum outside of Karlsruhe , West Germany . And so we moved the three children and our dog over there for two years , which was not an easy thing to do at that point . Our oldest son was a senior at high school , our daughter was a sophomore , and our youngest child was sixth grade . Mrs . Osborne : This was , you know , we went over in 1975 , so yeah . I 'm sorry , I must have gone back to work - I did not go back to work when I said I did . I must have gone back to work about ' 70 . Ah , okay , that makes a difference , yeah , sorry about that . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's all right . Was it hard to - you said you brought your dog over to Germany . Was that hard to do back then , or was it easy ? Mrs . Osborne : If you brought an animal in , it would be put to death . And so we were just terrified about what was going to happen to our dog , which - he was a member of our family , definitely . We 'd had his mother before him and had him since he was born . And I can remember when we got off the plane in London , we could see his crate being unloaded , and we were just sitting in there watching to see what they were going to do with it . And when we saw it go onto the plane going to Germany , that was such a relief . I don 't know what we would have done if they hadn 't done that . But they were having an outbreak of rabies in England at the time , and that 's why they had just shut down everything completely . But that was terrifying . And the children were already so upset about going that that 's all they needed was to find out that the dog might be missing when we got there . And there were people - when we got to Germany , I remember seeing , there were some animal crates going around , empty , on the carousel . Fortunately , ours still had a dog in it . Mrs . Osborne : And he was so glad to get out of there . But that was the hardest - they would not , back then , they wouldn 't allow animals up in the plane . He had to be down in baggage , which was not heated really or air conditioned or - you know , it was just really , really bad . So we were lucky he survived . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , very much so . Our dog had so many friends over there . We had friends that Morris knew from work there that wanted to keep him for every trip we went on , and we would come back - he was a dachshund , just a regular sized dachshund , and we tried to keep him fairly sleek , because they do have back troubles , and every time we came back from a trip , he would be just like a football . Mrs . Osborne : Stuffed to the gills , round as all get out , and have garlic breath from all the wurst that they 'd been feeding him . He just loved those German friends and they loved him . Oh boy , " He is just such a good dog , he just loves staying with us . " Yes , he did . He got spoiled rotten . And we 'd have to run him all over the place to get him slimmed down again , get him back on dog food . And , " I don 't know why you feed him dog food . He really likes salami better . " Well , yes , he does . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , the weather . It got dark so early . It would be , in the wintertime , it would be dark - by the time our children got off the school bus , it was already dark . So playing outside , there wasn 't any such thing . And it was dark when they left for school in the morning . Just all kinds of things like this . And where we were , we didn 't have a lot of snow . The temperature 's something like Oak Ridge , except a little bit more - it rained every single day , and you didn 't have the sunny days . Like , Oak Ridge is wonderful in that we have these beautiful sunny days in the middle of winter that just restores your faith in humanity and life . Everybody needs this , and in Germany you did not have this . It was just gray , day after day after day . Of course they had lots of celebrations and lots of parties and Fasching was huge , huge . Fasching was a time of parades everywhere and lots of people dressing up and we went to special Fasching parades and villages over there where they had people all dressed up in these very old masks , witch masks , wooden ones , and went around dressed as witches and poked their brooms at the dog - you took your dog everywhere in Germany - and would give out candy to the children , you know , scare them and then give them candy , this type of thing . Everything was just so different and it was so clean over there ; it was wonderful . You were responsible for keeping the street in front of your house clean , and I was responsible for keeping the stairs and the landing - we were on the second floor of a house , where we were living , and I was responsible for keeping that mopped . Now , some things were very , very hard . The German washing machines back then - this was in the days of polyester , and a lot of our clothes were polyester , and the German washing machines started with cold water , heated the water up to boiling , took like two hours to do a load and sort of boiled the clothes , so what happened to polyester was terrible . We did not ever buy a German washing machine . We wound up Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . So did your children enjoy school in Germany and did they learn German ? Mrs . Osborne : Our daughter did and our youngest son wound up enjoying it . Our oldest son did not . He just couldn 't make it . We had assured him that if he would just try , that if he couldn 't make the switch , we would send him back to graduate with his class here , because he was a senior in high school . And he just could not make the change . So we sent him back to Oak Ridge by himself just about New Year 's . He had to be back for a whole semester in order to graduate with his class at Oak Ridge High School . So some friends of ours that had a daughter his age had said he could stay with them . He didn 't know them that well , but he came back and stayed with them . It was very , very hard on him . I would never do that again . I don 't know how we would handle it if it ever came up again , but that was , for him , it was a bad , bad year . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , it is too bad . The other two wound up making a switch . Linda wound up becoming very good in German and Paul wound up enjoying himself . Now they were going to an American school on the Army base . We had promised them - there was no school that taught in English around there , and we only had six weeks notice that we were going to be going , moving over , so we had no time to learn the language ahead of time . So we had assured them that they would be going to a school where they would be taught in English . So they went to a military school , which was a terrible school . It was not a good one at all . After going to the Oak Ridge schools , it was a real , real letdown . The first class we ever took our oldest son into , it was an English class , and there were guys sitting in there reading comic books , getting credit for reading comic books , and David had been in advanced classes at Oak Ridge High School . Mrs . Osborne : So the teacher just said to us , " Get him out of here as fast as you can ; send him home . " So that 's another reason that he wound up going home . So he did okay scholastically , but emotionally it was just really not good . He was too young to be away from the family . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . It was not easy . They spoke English to him and spoke German to each other , so that he had to really learn fast and try to get really good in order to know what was going on , and it was not easy for him , either . We were the first of several families that were sent over for this project , and it was a project to have the - like , Morris was supposed to be working with people over there who were working on the same type of thing that he had been working on here at the lab , so that they didn 't have to duplicate the same experiments and whatnot . They could share information back and forth , which obviously makes sense financially as well as other ways , so that 's what it was all about , and we learned a whole lot by being over there , found out how insulated we had been living in our little puddle here in Oak Ridge , that we thought we were big time stuff because there were people here from all over the world and actually we weren 't all that big time stuff . When you get out in the world , you find out . So we learned a lot of different - did lots and lots of traveling , went to Holland and Belgium and Spain and Egypt and Italy , and we have all the usual things : got robbed in Italy , got sick in Spain . And went to Czechoslovakia , which was a closed - in country back then and that was on a - actually , we joined a military tour , or one that was sponsored by the officers ' wives club , this sort of thing , so it was very inexpensive . And did the same thing - went to London . I took the kids and went to London for three or four days and went to the ballet and just did all kinds of - the museums and whatnot . Just did a lot of things so that they had all kinds of advantages over people that never get to do any of these things . And I had all kinds of advantages this way . I loved the traveling . I loved going to different castles and seeing all the churches and the age of the cities . Like , they 'd be having their thousand year anniversary . And that 's when the United States was having its two - hundredth . Mrs . Osborne : We were having a really big celebration and everything , and Elvis Presley died while we were over there , and that was a big thing in Germany , too . I was just amazed at how much the Germans loved him . But he had been in Germany when he was in the military . And I was in a German American woman 's club in which we had a little cooking group of eight ladies , and we took turns cooking . The American ladies would cook one month and the German ladies would cook the next month , and then exchange recipes and whatnot . Jimmy Carter was elected president while we were over there and he had cheese grits . Well , they had never heard of cheese grits , and they wanted to know what they were , so we fixed a brunch for the ladies in our group , the German ladies , in which we fixed cheese grits and sausage balls and eggs and this sort of thing , like you would have a southern - and biscuits and whatnot . And they did things like - everything that they did had lots of liquor in it . We had Black Forest cake , which has a whole bottle of Kirschwasser in it , which is , whoa , that stuff burns all the way down . I think you could light the cake on fire . Mrs . Osborne : And just lots of things like that , and had some of the most wonderful mushroom soup that they made one time , just some things that you would never have had an opportunity to try otherwise , just heavenly . And you learned what some of the customs were . Anytime you have a coffee over there , you end the coffee by serving something alcoholic just before you send everybody home , which is not what 's done in this country . Mrs . Osborne : And we were always scared to death that we would get stopped by the police on the way home . But you couldn 't insult them by saying no . At least we never would have done that . Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Yeah . But they appreciated finding out some of these things . And we had just a regular picnic for them one time with hotdogs and hamburgers and potato salad and the whole thing , just as they were trying to do typical dishes for us that they would use . So it was fun exchanging . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I was very restless when I came back and I had been to so many wonderful , wonderful museums , that I thought , I want to work for a museum . So I went down here to what was then the American Museum of Atomic Energy , which is now the American Museum of Science and Energy , and I got a job . And the longer I worked there , the more responsibility they gave me . I started out working in the gift shop and working as a - doing one or two of the little audience shows that they had . I did the genetics show with the animals , and then I wound up - they were giving me more things to read and more things to read and wound up doing one on reactors . I think I told you that when I found out that I had this physics class from Harvard in my audience one day around the reactors , I decided , oh boy , you better get back to school if you 're going to answer questions from people like this . So that 's when I decided to go back to school , and I went back to UT and started after twenty - five years of being out of school , just signed up for a full load . I continued working at the museum the first year and then I had to quit because I just had too many labs and everything to have time for that . So I went back for two years , loved it , just loved going back to school , because that 's one of those things you get your pats on the back , just right away . Here 's your grades . You 're either doing well or you 're not doing well , you know , you have something . It 's so different from being a housewife and always sort of wondering , " Did they really like that meal ? " Because the one that didn 't is going to tell you about it , but if they did like it , they 're not necessarily going to say anything . Going back to school is really a positive experience ; it was for me . And I really enjoyed being around the kids . They treated me like I was practically one of them . They loved to borrow my notes because I took very good notes and much better than they did , and they like to study with me for exams and stuff . Mrs . Osborne : Well , actually , no . It had been twenty - five years , and I just - actually it had been thirty years since I had done that , and I had never really used my shorthand , so no , I really couldn 't do that . But I certainly was really good at other things , and I just took things that I enjoyed and wound up getting my degree in Botany and doing some lab work for one of the botanists over there that was a lot of fun . I mean , it was a lot of work , too , but it was fun to do it . I thoroughly enjoyed it . I wound up trying to grow a strain of something or other and when she , my professor , examined what I had been carefully - every time , every week - dividing and spreading out on another Petri dish and dividing and this sort of thing , she found I was growing an absolutely terrible strain of staph [ Staphylococcus ] . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : But I 'd done it well . So , I said , " How could I have gotten that ? " And she said , " Well , everybody has staph on their body . " Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . And even though you 're running your hands under these lights to - you know , you 're washing and everything and then you 're running them under the special lights before you 're putting them under the hood to work and everything . But evidently I 'd gotten a staph bug in there . But she caught it and no harm done . And I had certainly learned the procedure even though I hadn 't grown the right thing . So that was interesting . Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Ah , yes , a student like me is really - oh , and I 'd learned - one of the really exciting things that I did , we had a lady professor , assistant professor , that taught one of my lab courses that specialized in spiders . So she was going to have us specialize in spiders that quarter . We had to go out in this field when it was all wet with dew and whatnot and try to trap spiders , crawling around on our hands and knees . And I thought , if my bridge club could only see me now : I 'm out here crawling around in the mud trying to find spiders , which I absolutely hate and trap them in this little glass jar and then dot them with a dot of color . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : We had started out in a babysitting club together with our children way back when I had the first child . We didn 't have grandmothers and people around that could babysit , and so a lot of the mothers banded together , like , twenty - five , thirty mothers would band together into a babysitting club , and took turns keeping the books . A different woman kept the books every month and you took calls from people who wanted a sitter and calls from people who were available to sit , and you matched them up this way . And if you used a sitter for three hours , you had to sit for somebody for three hours . And so it didn 't cost you anything . You had a well - trained mother that was sitting with your children , so you didn 't have to worry about them , and back then this was just really important , because everybody was getting by on as little as possible and wanting a good sitter , so this is what we did . And so I had met Connie in this , and we had formed a bridge club way back then . Well , she said they needed a clerk at the library and why didn 't I come and interview . So I did . And I didn 't want to be a library clerk per se , but then she explained that probably the circulation supervisor would be leaving within the year and they thought I might be interested in that job and that the experience of being a clerk for six , eight months would certainly stand me in good stead , seeing as I didn 't have a library degree . So I did that . I worked as a clerk , and then I became the circulation supervisor , and was that for like ten years . And that was my - and then I had to retire because I 'd worn out my knees at that point , particularly one knee . I was on crutches at that point . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I learned how tough it is to tell people they have to pay for overdue books when the reason their books are overdue is because their husband had checked them out and then had died . And I was not allowed - because the money went in - all the overdue monies went into the City general fund . I was not allowed to forgive a single nickel of an overdue thing . And that is so hard to find out the reason these are overdue is because " I didn 't even think about the fact that , you know , we had these out when John died . " And of course you would normally say , " Well , don 't worry about it ; we 're just happy to have them back . " Nope , I had to charge . That was really hard . And then there was the day that there was this nice young man that was obviously going to college and didn 't have much when he came in and he had his backpack , and he started taking these books out of his backpack , putting them up on the counter , bringing them back , and as he did , these huge roaches went crawling off , just running off from these books . Mrs . Osborne : I didn 't want those roaches running around the library . And I had to take the book back and wash it well , but we had plastic on it . He was so embarrassed . Mrs . Osborne : So that was one of my memorable moments . And then there was the man who brought a book back in a plastic bag and said , " I think you might want to throw this away . " And I 'm saying , " Why would I want to throw the book away ? " [ He said ] , " Well , it 's not a good book . I don 't think you want to have it . " [ I said ] , " I don 't think we have the right to judge whether a book is a good book or not . " [ He said ] , " Well I still think you ought to throw it away . " I kept trying to find out why , and finally it turned out that it was because he had dropped it in something very , very bad and had tried to wash it off somewhat , put it in the plastic bag and brought it back . Needless to say , we threw it away . Mrs . Osborne : People are more fun . And then there were all sorts of just lovely people that came in that I hadn 't seen for years : people I 'd gone to high school with , people that had been friends of my parents , just lots of wonderful , wonderful people that it was such a pleasure to see and to renew acquaintance with and to help . And they love the library . Oak Ridgers really use their library a tremendous amount . It 's very , very important to them . And it 's a very good library , frankly . And I know you want to hear about the man with the shoe fetish . Mrs . Osborne : It was a nice young man who had some mental problems that I had never heard of before . I had never heard of a shoe fetish before . And he pigeonholed me one day back in the stacks asking me to help him find something . And while we were back in the stacks , he started admiring my shoes and saying he 'd " love to get some like that for his mother and what kind were they ? " And I couldn 't remember what kind they were , so I , being very accommodating , pulled one off to see what the brand was , at which point he grabbed it out of my hand , and then I had to try to get the shoe back from him , and that 's when I realized something was wrong . And I was so embarrassed . I finally got my shoe back and went running back into the back room and told somebody about it , and everyone started laughing . And I had just met the man with the shoe fetish . And evidently , most everybody had met him sooner or later there and I had just run into him . He never did anything terrible ; he just liked shoes . And it was embarrassing , very embarrassing . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : About the same number that work there now , I think . I don 't think they 've been able to add or subtract much of anybody since I was there . It was not computerized at that point , so there were a lot of mundane jobs that had to be done , like we had to put date due cards in every single book that was checked out , book , record , whatever . And we had to every - that 's when people were checking out lots of records . And we had to check every single record when it came back in to see if it had been scratched or warped or something or other , because , it 's amazing , the number of people who didn 't understand that the LP records , if you left them in a car , even for ten or fifteen minutes , would warp . Mrs . Osborne : And they would have to pay for them then because the library , obviously , had paid for them . So a lot of things that took a lot longer to do back then - we had to take a book card out of the pocket , back pocket , of every book , so that we knew what was checked out and what wasn 't checked out , because now you can just , you know , key it into the computer and " Oh , oh yeah , that book 's checked out , " you know , " And it 's due back a week from Wednesday " or something . Well , then , we couldn 't . We would have to go through all of these cards . So we had cards that had to be alphabetized every single morning , and it was from all the things that had been checked out the day before . So you alphabetized them , and then you worked them in with the other cards . And so if you were not able to alphabetize , you couldn 't work at the library . That was one of the tests that was given to every page , every clerk , everyone that went to work there . And it 's amazing the number of young people that could not alphabetize . So being a page at the Oak Ridge Public Library was a real leg up also . That was a good job . It was hard , and if you were a good page , you were capable of doing almost anything in life . That 's the amazing thing about it . Because you had to be able to work with people , get along with people , you had to be able to do things quickly , you had to be able to be very agreeable and just - taking the truckloads of books out and putting them in the right place . Every once in a while , we would find that we had just all kinds of books out of place , and we would find we had a page who was being lazy . They were just taking them out and just sticking them somewhere , which involved , then , either my retraining , talking to them about changing their way or else firing them , one or the other , depending on what they were willing to do . And we had volunteers that came in that helped put the books up also , and every once in a while we would have a volunteer that absolutely could not put them in the right place . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : How many pages and volunteers did you manage ? Mrs . Osborne : I had eleven people under me , of which - they were - all the clerks were under me plus all of the five pages were under me . So , six clerks and five pages , and that 's the most , like my boss only had one person under her and that was me . And the head of reference only had the reference librarians under her . Because the pages change every year , I was always going through training and retraining , which meant I was working late , night after night , because the pages didn 't come to work till like five o ' clock , and I got off at 5 : 30 . Well , if you 're training somebody , you have to be around . So I put in lots of extra time doing that . Mrs . Osborne : It was , it was . I enjoyed it , though . I liked a lot of it . I disliked some of it . I disliked the autonomy , I guess , the fact that you didn 't have the right to be as understanding as you would like to be . And for me that was hard . As I said I was definitely a square peg in a round hole when it came to that . But it takes all kinds to make a good library , I think . Mrs . Osborne : The people , working with the people , seeing them , trying to please them , trying to help them find what they wanted , what they needed , help the kids get the help that they needed for different papers , this sort of thing . I was constantly amazed by damage that people would do to books . I had never known that some people would cut pages out of reference books to avoid paying ten cents to make a copy of a page , that they would just deliberately go back in the stacks and do this sort of thing . I had never known that people would take the expensive tables that you have down there , special ones , and carve things in them , so that you wind up having to buy these special heavy Plexiglas tops for all of them to keep them from being ruined . Just a lot of things like this . I just did not realize that you had people like that . Mrs . Osborne : Guess I grew up in a very small , little , little group of not doing things like this , so I was just amazed at some of the things . Every time somebody got something stolen , I was shocked . I actually threw one young man out one night who was being just terrible . He was a guy that had been a big star at Oak Ridge High School in football , but he 'd never really learned to write his name , and he 'd been in special ed classes all along , so he could print his first name and the first initial of his last name , and that was it . So he liked to hang out in the library . But by this time , he was in his twenties , and he was drinking heavily , and he would come in and want to use the phone . And that 's not a thing you normally do is let people - you certainly can 't leave somebody in the back workroom at night by themselves using the phone . You have to stay by them . So it turns out his important phone call was to a girl he was trying to get a date with for the night . So I told him he had to get off the phone , and he kept on talking and I kept telling him to get off the phone . I finally just cut him off , at which point I thought he was going to hit me , he was so astonished that I would do that . And I beat him to the punch in that I just pointed my finger at him and said , " Get out of here right now . Don 't you come back here tonight . " I was so angry at him because he - I was so busy out at the front desk and he 's taking my time to be back there to try to talk a girl into letting him come over . And he said that was more important , so anyway , he left . And I thought afterwards , my gosh , he could have really hurt me if he 'd wanted to . So that was pretty dumb on my part . Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know . I did not ask them . They invited me back as a volunteer to do the same work that I had been doing , and I went back a time or two , and then I thought , wait a minute , this is kind of dumb . If I could not work here because my knees were so bad for pay , why am I coming back as a volunteer to do the very same work ? So I decided I would do something else . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I went back to doing a lot of the volunteer work that I used to do . I had always done lots of volunteer work at different things . I had always - well , I 'd taught swimming for the Red Cross for years , enjoyed that thoroughly . I taught the swimming badge for the Boy Scouts , lifesaving badge for the Boy Scouts , taught different classes at church . For the last fifteen years , I 've been leading classes in helping people find their spiritual gifts that God has given them , which has been just one of the most exciting things to do imaginable , and leading other small groups . I 'm a very strong believer in that to have a deep faith in God , you need to belong to a small group , that people help sustain you , help you sustain your faith and support you in all kinds of things . And not everyone is fortunate enough to have a group of friends or people like this . And that 's what small groups do . And so studying and deepening your faith while you are making these relationships or carving out these relationships makes it doubly precious and really sustains you for years in everything you do . It 's been very helpful for me . Mrs . Osborne : Nope , no , they always had lots of volunteers and I always thought I would go back there . I did do the voice for one of their Oak Ridge shows way back . I was on recording there . Mrs . Osborne : It was a slide show . I 'm sorry , it was a slide show that they did with the voice going along with it , and the voice that went with it was me . And that went for quite a few years before they changed shows . So now they have professional people that do that , and I have never been a professional voice person . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I also sing . I used to . Since I quit working down there . I discovered that I 'd always wanted to be a torch singer and I love singing some of the old love songs : Gershwin , Cole Porter , and just a lot of the songs from the Second World War and just a lot of things like this I like . There are needs for this in some of the retirement centers and at the Keystone group down here , which is the daycare center for people with problems . Music stays with people longer than any other kind of memory . Singing some of the old songs brings back all kinds of things for them , and I love doing it . We were having cabarets at church also almost every year for a while when we would be putting on a dinner . And then eventually we wound up not doing a dinner ; we did just delicious homemade desserts and the show , and selling tickets . So I did a lot of this . I did a little directing and a lot of singing and this type of thing , and then I sang at the Daily Grind , which was a coffee house here in Oak Ridge , and that was fun . Mrs . Osborne : Right , right . They 're in the corner at Jackson Square . Yeah , I used to do that on Friday night once in a while . And , you know , you 'd end up singing for three hours straight , and that takes a little training to be able to do . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , that 's neat . You know , you were here during the sixties , and I think that Margaret Mead came here in the sixties . Is that right ? Mrs . Osborne : You know , she , bless her heart , she just had to be critical of things , and that 's a good point . But a lot of people wound up getting their parents to move here after they had children and said they were staying on here . After their parents retired , their parents wound up moving here and retiring to help take care of their grandchildren and whatnot . But , yeah , I remember she was not - she didn 't seem to find as much joy in Oak Ridge or pride in it as we all thought she should . And then there was a doctor - who was the doctor from Georgia that I used to go to ? Mrs . Osborne : Dr . Greenblatt , from Georgia . He was a specialist in hormones , and Carbide actually had him come up and talk to all the wives that would go to hear him , about how to go through difficult times in your life , go through menopause or whatnot , or how to help your children out if they were having hormone problems or this type of thing , and he came up , and that 's where I went to hear him . And he was very far out as far as most people were concerned . He believed in having not just shots , hormone shot , or taking pills , but he believed in having them put pellets , hormone pellets , into the abdomen or into the hip that would last for five to six months for people . And he did the same thing for children that were not growing as they should or not developing as they should , and he was a specialist in this down at the University of Georgia , I believe . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , okay . So , anyway , I used to have one of his books that he had written , also on this . He was really an expert on this . And I wound up going to him quite a few times . He was an amazing man . All these people that are really amazing have egos , or a lot of them , have egos to go along with it . So they are sometimes their own worst enemy . But it 's amazing how much they know . And Oak Ridge just seemed to have the best of everything back in the fifties and sixties . Back when I was a girl , you didn 't have to worry about locking your doors , you didn 't have to worry about who your children were going with , because everybody that was in here had been investigated and had some sort of clearance or some sort of investigation done . You did not have to - it was just safe everywhere . And one of the really neat things is there were all these greenbelt areas between houses to give you more privacy , so you didn 't have just house right behind house behind house in a lot of cases . And I know where we lived , there was a gravel path that went through the woods and up these - across a little bridge that across this great huge drainage ditch that would just be roaring with water after the rains , and up some steps and up onto Georgia Avenue , and then right over down one of those lanes and down to the - across Blankenship field and up to the school there . That 's how I walked to school . And when you 're coming home from the movie , that 's how you walked home , through the woods this way , and it was perfectly safe because there weren 't any weirdoes around that - at least certainly no weirdoes that anybody heard of or knew about . Everything was completely safe . And as a teenager , this was just so romantic to get to walk through the woods with your boyfriend and be out of sight of your parents this way . I mean this was just really really terrific . Mrs . Osborne : We had a " D " house down at the bottom of Fulton Lane . It was the only " D " house on the street , and we had to live in the Guest House for the first two weeks waiting for our things to get here and for the house to be finished . And they finished the house and we moved in , and it was a very , very nice house . It was at the bottom , so we were at the cul - de - sac sort of thing . We had houses across the street . There wasn 't anything at the end but just a parking area and then the woods behind us and our porch faced the greenbelt area . A " D " house was really a lovely house . Mrs . Osborne : Senior . He was the one that wound up having the heart transplant and this sort of thing . Anyway , he was the only one out there at that time . And then , after I had been on the Math Panel - I don 't remember how long , I guess just a year or two - they hired a young black woman mathematician - she had her master 's degree in Math - to come and work on the Math Panel . Really a nice young lady . Her husband was a professor at Knoxville College . So when she came , I didn 't realize what a big deal this was , but other people did . When you 're twenty - one , you don 't sometimes realize how important some things are , and it turned out that for her to go to the cafeteria was absolutely terrible , because we were like three blocks from the cafeteria , so you always walked down , naturally , because you couldn 't bring your car in . So you walked to the cafeteria , you bought your food , you sat in there and ate . So you would go to lunch with friends . So when - I can 't remember her name . That 's terrible ; I can picture her but I cannot remember her name . But she was really nice , and so we made plans that three of us were going to take turns going to lunch with her so she would never have to go down there by herself , because sure enough , when she walked in the cafeteria , a lot of the workmen would glare at her and make comments and this sort of thing , because there just had not been any black people eating in there and they were not used to this at all . So we made sure that she never had to go by herself to the cafeteria . And this was fine . We had worked [ it ] out very well , and we enjoyed having lunch with her . Mrs . Osborne : No , but it would have been really tough for her to have to sit by herself at a table , you know . They would not have done anything to her , I 'm sure , but they would have gone out of their way to make comments or something like that . But the fact that she always had two guardians , more or less , with her made it much easier . So her husband had a birthday while she was working there at the lab . So she decided to have a big party for him , and she invited Morris and I , and she invited this other girl from the Math Panel , Nancy Dismuke and her husband Stewart , to go also . So we decided we were all going to go , wondering what it was going to be like , and so we drove with the - the Dismukes drove , we rode with them over to Knoxville and to the Knoxville College area there where they lived and we went into this party . And everybody in the party had a master 's degree or a Ph . D . except for us , I think . [ laughter ] Except for Morris and I , that is , because Nancy Dismuke had a master 's . But they were all from Knoxville College , professors , and there were some white professors . I didn 't realize Knoxville College had some white professors at that point , which they did . So it turned out it was really a strange feeling to be completely surrounded by all blacks , because I had never in my entire life had this happen . And it was just - strange is the only way - and I 'm sure it was as strange for them to see us coming in when they didn 't know us at all . The other white people that worked at Knoxville College fit in just fine , but we were - they weren 't real sure about what we were going to be like or what we were going to say or do , I 'm sure . But we played games and wound up having a nice time . It was a lovely party , with your usual soft drinks and cake and coffee , and this type of thing , and just a happy birthday . Her husband was a really nice guy . She didn 't work for a real long time . She only worked for about a year or two there and then she left . I have a picture of the Math Panel group with hDr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , I 'm sure . When did they start doing the free breakfasts for underprivileged children ? Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know , because they didn 't have them when I worked at Linden . The child was allowed to - the one child I was thinking of was allowed to sleep under a table until almost noon because he was so tired . There were like ten kids in the family and one bed , and so he always got pushed out of bed because he was the youngest . So he would come and sleep under this table , and then would - I don 't know if he had to wait till lunch or if when we had recess , whether they could get him something to eat then . But I know that the counselor there at school would take him up and shower him off and find clean clothes for him and this type of thing , because he had no care at home at all , this one child , had not whatsoever , and it 's just pitiful to see this happen . But they could have been a white family . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yeah . Now , I did not know that until much later that Oak Ridge had a real problem finding teams to play them in the different sports , in football or in basketball because they had integrated . We 're a government town , and so naturally you are integrating . And the other schools around in Tennessee did not want to play a school that had blacks on the team . They weren 't going to have their boys having to get up close and personal and play these guys . So they had an awful time filling the schedules , and they had to offer all kinds of incentives in order to fill the football schedule and whatnot , so that was tough . Mrs . Osborne : We did at that time . We had better equipment , better uniforms . The poverty level around in Tennessee was - or the poverty , not just the level , but the poverty - was very prevalent , and it showed up in things like teams and uniforms and all this sort of thing , which was not considered such a big deal back then as it is now . Now , everybody knows that the more important thing , part of school , is your football and your basketball . Anyway , but that may be one reason we 're behind the Chinese and Japanese , I 'm not sure . But anyway , then it wasn 't that big a thing , and we also , of course , had much better schools . We had teachers that came from all over the place and we had classes - we had science classes that they didn 't have in the local schools around , just all sorts of things here , as well as having drama and art and music and - I 'm sure they had music in some of the things , but we had - Oak Ridge schools just had a lot of things that other schools in the surrounding area could not afford , and that was sort of held against us . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : And also , you had said something about going to shop in Knoxville and Clinton . What was that like ? How did they treat Oak Ridgers ? Mrs . Osborne : Well , I did not shop in Clinton . Clinton was a real little backwater town . It wasn 't worth stopping in , I 'm sorry , at that point . Now , it 's a lovely place to go antiquing , and once you found out about Hammer 's , back before they moved particularly , Hammer 's was always fun to go to . Mrs . Osborne : Hammer 's was a local department store that was in this old building with all kinds of little out - of - the - way rooms and whatnot and little steps here and there and roundabout and they would get in truckloads of stuff that maybe came from a fire sale or came from something or other or came from QVC that didn 't sell . I 'm not sure where all . And they 'd sell at just really , really small prices . I know a girl who got lots of money for college by buying these - what were the shirts that had the duck on it or something like that ? Mrs . Osborne : Izod shirts . She used to go to Hammer 's and buy the Izod shirts , the seconds , and sell them to her sorority sisters at the University of North Carolina for regular prices and make all kinds of money this way . She was very much an entrepreneur and earned a lot of money this way . But that 's the sort of thing that Hammer 's had , if you could get in there . Somebody I know bought a baby grand piano from them . I did buy some wicker furniture from them once , and I used to go over there and get fabric and I 've gotten , you know , a few articles of clothing there at different times , but now it 's - it still has some good buys , I 'm sure , but I 'm too old and tired to shop there anymore . Mrs . Osborne : It moved , no , it 's still in Clinton , but it 's out at the other end of Clinton , now . It 's not in downtown Clinton anymore ; it 's out just before you get to the river , out past where the fairgrounds are on the other side , so it 's not as interesting . It 's in a normal place now instead of being in a funny little hole place . Mrs . Osborne : I did go to Knoxville , and the thing that was so remarkable about Knoxville is the coal soot . I can remember standing on the corner , waiting for a bus , and winding up with black specks all over my coat and my face , and if you touched them , it just spread , because it was coal soot , and it would just grind right into your skin and into your coat , the fabric of it , whatever , and I had never - I mean , we had coal furnaces in Michigan , but we didn 't have coal soot like that . I don 't know if it was a difference in coal or - Mrs . Osborne : I do not remember noticing that . Now I know that we had the same furnace in our " D " house that everybody had , but I have no idea if it was a coal furnace or not because I don 't remember ever getting coal from a coal truck . So whether it might have been an oil furnace back then , I don 't know . Mrs . Osborne : We did not get a coal delivery that I know of . We had no coal . Now , the cemestos did not . I know the flattops did , because this friend that I used to visit in a flattop definitely had the place where the coal was kept out in front and the little coal stove inside and whatnot , but in the cemesto you didn 't have that . So whether I was just too dense to remember it or whether we had a different kind of furnace - Mrs . Osborne : They definitely were . They definitely were . And this was in downtown Knoxville on Gay Street , because I was standing on Gay Street because Miller 's was on Gay Street then , and Miller 's was the big department store . Mrs . Osborne : Okay , they were fine . It was the kids at school that used to make fun of the way I talked , and one of the words that they always thought was the funniest was the way I said ' cow , ' and they would always say , " Say ' cow , ' Barbara . Listen to her . Listen to her , now . Say ' cow . ' " And [ I would say ] , " Cow . " They 'd " [ laughter ] . " And I 'd think , " What 's wrong with the way I say ' cow , ' " you know , but who knows . Mrs . Osborne : But I could tell whether I was or whether - I think I could tell if you were . So it 's really strange . It depends on where you 're from . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . Everybody has different speech features . How do you think - you know , sometimes people talk about having trouble with businesses in Knoxville because they were obviously not from this area , and the Knoxvillians knew that and they didn 't really like outsiders . You seem to have a pretty good experience in Knoxville from what I can tell , and maybe after the Manhattan Project , it wasn 't so much of a problem . Mrs . Osborne : It made the culture so different from every place else , that we 're spoiled . We think that all other towns are bound to be something like Oak Ridge , that they 're going to have people that are willing to listen to the pros and the cons and then make a decision , that there are people who you can argue with and maybe change their mind that aren 't just completely hidebound and something like this . And somehow , when you get away from Oak Ridge , you find that 's not necessarily true . You get into some of the good old boy stuff , and if you aren 't either a Democrat or a Republican , depending on where you are , why , you don 't have anything good to say or anything worth listening to and so forth and so on , and you 're never going to change somebody 's mind . If you 've got God and logic on your side , you still aren 't going to be able to change their mind , that there are people like this . Because the majority of people in Oak Ridge are operating from a brain and they have learned through the years - now , I 'm not saying everybody , but I 'm saying the majority of people that you run into here are people who have used their minds and found out there 's rights and wrongs and there 's some shady , gray shades in this world and there are some things that you just can 't come out and say is either black or white , and this type of thing . I think we have gotten very spoiled . I know our oldest son found this out . He was the one that went into restaurant management and being a chef . When he went to other towns to help open restaurants , he found some of the narrow - mindedness in some of the South Carolina towns absolutely appalling compared to what he was used to from here in Oak Ridge , the people here . Mrs . Osborne : The things that they say , their beliefs , you know , whether it 's the good old boys on football Saturday or whether it 's the fact that they 're going to fly the - I think South Carolina was having a real problem with the Confederate flag back about the time that he was there , so whether it had something to do with that , and the fact that he is a reader . He has just read more stuff than - I thought I was a reader , but he is really - he reads all of an author and then goes on to the next author and then , you know , this type of thing , and he is what I would consider an extremely well - read individual . So the fact that he had trouble finding people with the same interests that he had once he left Oak Ridge , that had something to do with it maybe . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Were people in Oak Ridge ever worried during the integration of the schools ? I mean , you say you don 't remember many problems , but were they worried about violence ? Because they had all that violence in Clinton . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yes , they really were . Everybody in the South was worried about violence . And I think as a result , a lot of Oak Ridgers stepped up to try to minimize any violence that might crop up or to try to stop it before it happened , this type of thing . What happened in Clinton was bad , and what happened in Mississippi was terrible , and it just is completely against everything you believe in . If you have a Christian faith , you can 't possibly approve of that sort of thing . And I cannot imagine any of the Jewish faith wanting that sort of thing either , that they would be just as appalled as - I said this badly by saying Christian faith , but my experience is coming from what I think is the Christian faith , but my Jewish friends would likewise be just as appalled by that sort of thing . So I think Oak Ridge definitely stepped up to try to avoid anything like that and to make sure that Clinton was safe going to school here , in the old Linden School , like they could do , and that that was one of the better things that came out of it . Mrs . Osborne : Right , at the old Linden . The new Linden had just opened , and so the old Linden School was not being used at that point . So they came and used that for a year . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : I have a few more questions about when you first came to Oak Ridge and just going back to the war years before you came to Oak Ridge . When you came to Oak Ridge , were you very much aware of the activity of security personnel , the guards ? Did you see much military security around ? Mrs . Osborne : I don 't remember ever noticing them . I mean , I was a high school kid , and I didn 't notice that . I had no reason to . I 'd never been in any kind of trouble . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , my father always had a very large victory garden , and he was really good at growing all sorts of things , and my mother canned things and dried things . And that was before you had freezers , really , so you weren 't freezing things . Meat was rationed during the war , so I can remember - chicken was not , and I can remember they bought twenty - five slaughtered chickens and canned them one year , just in your big glass jars , so we used a lot of chicken that year . But Dad , yeah , Dad always had lots of tomatoes and corn and just your usual things . And it was out on the edge of town where he had the victory garden . Everybody was renting little spaces to have their gardens , and we would ride out there in the evening and pick and do different things . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's interesting . I didn 't realize people had them away from their homes . I always thought the victory garden would be at your house . Mrs . Osborne : No , no , it was bigger than that , than your backyard , so I mean you really were growing food . And we also collected the tinfoil from everywhere . If anybody saw a piece of tinfoil , you know , if somebody chewed a piece of gum , you automatically stripped the tinfoil off of it , and you always had a ball of tinfoil in your pocket or somewhere , in your purse , if you were a girl , and you just added that to the ball . And the same was true with string . Every little string , you wound it around . If anybody threw down a cigarette package , you immediately grabbed it up and the inside had tinfoil between the two paper layers , and so you stripped that off . But you saved every little bit this way . And the used cooking oil , saved for something . Mrs . Osborne : And I remember I got , one time , I managed to get a five pound bag of sugar for my mother for her birthday , without using - I didn 't have any rationing stamps , because my mother had all the ration books , and it was her birthday , and I was trying to get something that she would like , and I decided that a bag of sugar would be just perfect . I went to this little store where they knew me and knew my mother , and I asked them if I could possibly buy a bag of sugar , and somehow , I don 't know how , they let me have a bag of sugar , and I took it home and wrapped it up for mother 's birthday . She was tickled to death to get a five pound bag of sugar . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I 'm sure . My parents would have been extremely happy . I was what , about twelve ? Or less than that . Mrs . Osborne : Well , Dad worked for the Atomic Energy Commission here in Oak Ridge , and came in ' 49 and went to work for them as the assistant head of the Budget Division , and stayed until about ' 63 . In ' 63 , he was transferred to Las Vegas , to the Las Vegas office - which , I never knew AEC had a Las Vegas office until then . They were there for a couple of years and then he was transferred to the Panama Canal Zone to work on the feasibility of building a second Panama Canal . This was before the first Panama Canal had been turned over to Panama . They knew - the United States knew that we had to turn it over to Panama , and they were wondering , they were afraid about what was going to happen . So they got to thinking about , what about the feasibility of building a second one , so that we would always have one . So Dad and several men from Engineering in the Army were the group picked to study this , and so he and Mother moved to Panama . And everybody else that worked on this project was military , so they lived on the military base there , except my mother and father were not military , so they had to live off the base , and the other ladies would let Mother know about how much she was missing by not being able to use the clubs there and the groceries there and all this sort of thing , and [ they would remark ] , " What a shame your house has cracks in it so the bugs come through , " and all this . So , anyway , Mother didn 't like it at all , but Dad loved it . He loved being out in the jungle , and they were trying to find where they would build one . And so they were just back in the jungle a lot of the time , hiking and trying to decide where would be a place that they could do this and how much would it cost , what would be - and they came up with the fact that it would not be a feasible thing to do , so that was their recommendation , was to not do it . Mrs . Osborne : I know when I went back to school as an adult , I heard a young guys talking about - over at the college - I heard a young guy talking about how the cancer rate in Oak Ridge was so high . His aunt had cancer now , and that she said it was due to all the radiation and everything in Oak Ridge , that everybody was getting cancer . And I said I didn 't think they were . And so then you realize that if you try arguing with him , you 're not going to get anywhere , that , just be quiet and let him say whatever he wants to say , and that 's the only way to go , that he had already made up his mind and was very busy sharing this with the other people in the class , that Oak Ridgers just had more chance of getting cancer than people anywhere else . Mrs . Osborne : They used to do that when I worked at the museum here . They used to ask if I lived in Oak Ridge , and then if I had any children , and they they 'd try to phrase it as nicely as possible , " Were the children all right ? " " Did they have two heads ? " or something like this , so I assured them they were all fine . Mrs . Osborne : Well , it has very good health care . I guess the fact that Oak Ridge has more to offer in the way of entertainment . They have an excellent Playhouse , they have an excellent Symphony Orchestra , they have ballet , a couple of pretty good ballet companies . They can perform with the opera company in Knoxville . Description Rating Title Osborne , Barbara Description Oral History of Barbara Osborne , Interviewed by Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , Ph . D . , September 25 , 2010 Audio Link http : / / coroh . oakridgetn . gov / corohfiles / audio / Osborne _ Barbara . mp3 Transcript Link http : / / coroh . oakridgetn . gov / corohfiles / Transcripts _ and _ photos / Osborne _ Barbara . doc Collection Name COROH Interviewee Osborne , Barbara Interviewer Hamilton - Brehm , Anne Marie Type audio Language English Subject Oak Ridge ( Tenn . ) Date of Original 2010 Format doc , mp3 Length 2 hours , 22 minutes File Size 129 . 53 MB Source Center for Oak Ridge Oral History Location of Original Oak Ridge Public Library Rights Copy Right by the City of Oak Ridge , Oak Ridge , TN 37830 Disclaimer : " This report was prepared as an account of work sponsored by an agency of the United States Government . Neither the United States Government nor any agency thereof , nor any of their employees , makes any warranty , express or implied , or assumes any legal liability for the accuracy , completeness , or usefulness of any information , apparatus , product , or process disclosed , or represents that process , or service by trade name , trademark , manufacturer , or otherwise do not necessarily constitute or imply its endorsement , recommendation , or favoring by the United States Government or any agency thereof . The views and opinions of authors expressed herein do not necessarily state or reflect those of the United States Government or any agency thereof . " The materials in this collection are in the public domain and may be reproduced without the written permission of either the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History or the Oak Ridge Public Library . However , anyone using the materials assumes all responsibility for claims arising from use of the materials . Materials may not be used to show by implication or otherwise that the City of Oak Ridge , the Oak Ridge Public Library , or the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History endorses any product or project . When materials are to be used commercially or online , the credit line shall readInterviewed by Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , Ph . D . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : It is September 25th , 2010 , and this is Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , the Coordinator for the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History interviewing Barbara Osborne in her home . Barbara , your family came to Oak Ridge from Michigan in 1949 . What was your family doing prior to arriving in Oak Ridge and why did you move to Oak Ridge ? Mrs . Osborne : We lived in Birmingham , Michigan , where my father worked either in Detroit or in Pontiac , depending on the office that he was in . After the war , the jobs were all given to the veterans , where he had not been allowed to go into the military because his work was too important , so he had to find another job . This is just - they said it wasn 't fair , but this sort of thing just happened . A friend of his who was in Oak Ridge wrote him and said come and apply for a particular job that was open here . So he came down , applied for the job , got it and came back and moved us to Tennessee . We had never - I had never been out of the state of Michigan before , so it was very different . I heard all sorts of wild tales from kids at school and wild tales about what Oak Ridge was going to be like : mud and people making booze in the bathtub . And part of this was true . Mud was true , but the other I never found . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : [ laughter ] What are your memories ? You came to Oak Ridge when you were in high school , and then right after you moved here , the city gates opened . What are your memories of the opening of the city gates and the parade ? Mrs . Osborne : Oh , huge crowds ! I think the only people that I know of that weren 't there were the rest of my family . I 'm the only one from my family that went to the parade , and I don 't know why they didn 't go . I guess they just didn 't want to get stuck in a crowd . But I went down , and I was standing in front of the old Jackson Square Post Office watching these movie stars go by , and they looked so glamorous , and it was just excitement . I had watched Queen for a Day , which you 're way too young to know about , so seeing Jack Bailey in person was really exciting , and of course Rod Cameron was every bit as gorgeous as he was on the screen , to say nothing of Marie McDonald , and she had a beautiful fur coat on . That was when it was okay to have a fur coat . So it was just really , really exciting . And the bands were good , and , you know , just everything , the whole atmosphere was just wonderful . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I 'd never heard a real southern accent before , and I 'd never heard an East Tennessee accent . And a lot of them had never heard a Michigan accent , which I had never thought of as being an accent . The first day I was in school here , I could not understand anything anybody said - any of the students said to me . I could understand the teachers , but I couldn 't understand the students . So when I was being shown around the school by one of the girls , I never did understand where she said the lunchroom was , and so the first day I went without eating lunch because I was too embarrassed to ask , try to ask anybody else , " Where do I go to find the cafeteria ? " Because I just simply couldn 't understand what they were saying to me , and I was scared to death , and you know , just your usual teenage angst I guess . Mrs . Osborne : Back then , not everybody had a car like they do now , because there wasn 't much of any place to go except the Snow White Drive - In , which was the headquarters for all dating purposes at that point . If you had a date , you usually wound up there getting something to eat , and if you didn 't have a date , you wound up there with friends , driving around to see who did have a date [ laughter ] , and that 's just where it was happening at this point , which is very - it 's so much like Happy Days , to be honest , and so peacefully innocent compared to today 's happenings , I think . If somebody drank , it was a big thing , not a common thing . You know , it was just , " Oh , what a terrible boy that must be . " You certainly never wanted to date anybody like that , where , I don 't know , standards seem to have changed a whole lot . Mrs . Osborne : Well , they brought it in with them , however they could . There were people that made regular runs over to North Carolina to try to furnish alcohol for a party , and they would cover up the stuff in their trunk however they could , hide it under spare tires , I don 't know . One of the stories was about hiding the bottles of liquor under a sleeping baby in a baby bed in the back seat of the car , and of course you didn 't want to disturb the baby by searching under there , so they managed - I don 't know if the child , how the child could sleep on top of it , but obviously it must have been well padded . And supposedly that really happened . But some people got caught and they got in serious trouble , and some people didn 't get caught . I imagine it depended on whoever was the guard at the gate or whether or not you happened to know the guard at the gate , you know , just all sorts of things go into this . Mrs . Osborne : There were buses , and it cost ten cents , and they went all over town , and you could transfer from one bus to another . So I could go home - I walked to school from where I lived , but I could go home with my friends by just having a dime and getting on the bus with them and go and spend the afternoon at someone 's home , even if they lived out on the west end of town . So that made it very simple . Mrs . Osborne : They did , yes . I did more of that when I became a senior in high school . I was extra young as a junior and probably the youngest person in the class , so my parents were very strict with me and I didn 't do a lot of that , but later on , yes , I can remember going to see Rock City , and going to Big Ridge , going swimming and being in a canoe that got turned over , and you know , the guy lost his shoes [ laughter ] , but he learned to never dive out of a canoe . Mrs . Osborne : And that 's where we had senior skip day back then . That was before it got dangerous . It 's probably in the last five year period before it got dangerous . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . So , that 's when the school started really , you know , everybody had to do - if you went anywhere , it was by bus with the whole group doing the same thing , and we went to Big Ridge for senior skip day . I remember senior skip day . I loved that place . It was a lot of fun back then . Mrs . Osborne : As a matter of fact , I was involved in Bridge Club , and I didn 't even know how to play bridge . I was involved in Maskers also ; I was in several plays , and scared to death to stand up in front of an audience , but determined to try to get over it . And I played the mother . Only one time did I ever get to play a romantic lead . The rest of the time , I was always cast as the mother or the friend or something like this . Mrs . Osborne : I really can 't . I can remember the name of - the only time that I played the romantic lead - who played opposite me , and that was the drum major at that time , Bob Barrett . And I remember my name when I was somebody 's mother . I was Mrs . Chickester . But what was the name of the play ? Mrs . Osborne : My father said , " Get a job . " And he , either he or my mother , found out that the drug store that they got their prescriptions filled at , Elm Grove Drug Store , was looking for a counter clerk , and so I went down there and applied for a job , and they hired me , and I worked there that summer , and if ever a job made you appreciate what a college education could do for you , that was it . It was so hot ; there was no air conditioning , and you were on your feet the whole time and busy the whole time you were there . I was the soda jerk . I made wonderful milkshakes and sodas and , you know , all kinds of things . And [ I was ] very carefully watched by the man who owned the store to make sure I didn 't put an extra scoop of ice cream in any of my friends ' things . So , you know , I was honest to a T , absolutely , or honest to a fault , I guess is the term . And he wound up really liking me and asking my parents as I went off to college , you know , " When is Barbara coming home ? I want her to work on such - and - such a weekend ; I 'm having a sale , " or , " When , " you know , " Can she come back then ? Can she work over Christmas ? " This type of thing . So he liked me and I liked the fact that I didn 't have to do that for a living . Mrs . Osborne : Just turned seventeen during the summer . So off I went to Tennessee Wesleyan , and the minister , our minister from First Methodist Church took me and got me registered . He got my parents to say - give me permission to go . And moved into this very old dorm with a dried up little old lady dorm mother , and I wound up becoming the only - there were only two of us that started - we started in the winter quarter , because it took the minister that long to get my parents to give me permission to go . They just didn 't want me to leave that soon . And so only two of us started school in the winter quarter . So she was my roommate , the other girl , and she lasted two weeks and went home . So I was the only person in the entire school with no roommate , and that 's kind of a lonesome way to be . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : So what was that like ? Did you live in your room , or did you have a sleeping porch ? What was that like ? Mrs . Osborne : No , you lived in your room , and the rules there were very different from what they are now . Your parents had to sign a paper saying you could get in a car or you couldn 't get in a car . My parents refused to sign saying I could get in a car , so therefore I was not allowed to ride with anybody anywhere . They also - the dorm mother came around and made sure that you - or tried to make sure that you cleaned your room every week , and that your bed was made every day , and I was one of the biggest problems , because I decided to rebel on all the things I had been taught at home , and never make the bed and never clean the room . My parents got quite a few phone calls that year about their rebellious daughter [ laughter ] . But I joined the Tennessee Wesleyan Choir , and got some absolutely marvelous experience there and wonderful praise from the choir director , who was a real stickler . He kept saying things like , " If there are any more altos like you in Oak Ridge , send them to me ! " So I really enjoyed that and we did different shows . I worked in Maskers there at Wesleyan . The choir went on choir trips singing at churches around in different parts of Tennessee . We sang with the Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra on Beethoven 's 9th Symphony . What else did we do , things that were big time for me at that point ? It was just lots of fun . Oh , yeah , we put on Sigmund Romberg 's The Desert Song , and I learned to love Sigmund Romberg 's music through that , which I still have , a love for his music . But that was a terrific experience , the music part . And I started taking Botany because my father insisted I had to take a science ; I had to major in a science . So that was my way of rebelling against , you know , not taking any of the , what I consider the harder sciences , Chemistry or Biology or something . Botany , I was doing it my way , which is very silly . There were no jobs in botany , or at least very few , but I didn 't really care ; I was just having fun . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds like it . So after college , you moved back to Oak Ridge and got a job here . Where did you work and what was it like to work there ? Mrs . Osborne : I actually didn 't finish college . My father had me drop out after two years because I failed typing . I couldn 't stay awake ; it was at eight o ' clock in the morning , and I didn 't go to bed early enough to . I would just be so bored I would sit there and go to sleep with my hands on the keyboard . You don 't pass doing things like that . So he was really upset with me after being an extremely good scholar all my life , to fail a typing course . And so he made me go to Knoxville Business College and get a steno degree and then get a job . So after - I spent a year or nine months over in Knoxville , going to Knoxville Business College , hating every minute of it , and then I applied at the plants , which were run by Union Carbide at that point , and they started giving me all kinds of tests when I went in for filling out - I took the usual typing test and shorthand and then they started having me take some other tests , and I could not understand why . Then they called me to say I had been hired to work at X - 10 to be a computer operator on the first computer to be in the Southeast . I had no idea what they were talking about , because I 'd never heard of a big computer - a little handheld calculator , maybe , or a tabletop calculator , not handheld back then , but not a computer . And I went home and told my father and mother this and my father just about jumped out of his chair , he was so excited , because he knew all about this . Being in the Budget Division of AEC , he knew what the thing had cost and all about the logistics of it , the whole thing , and he just thought that was the most exciting thing and the fact that his daughter was going to be working on it , which was the most exciting thing he ever heard of . So I was hired to be a computer operator on the ORACLE , which was the first large computer in the entire Southeast . It was built in Argonne and then shipped down to X - 10 for the Math Panel at that point , and for the rest of the people at the lab to use , but it was going to be run by the Math Panel . ADr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds a little frustrating . Mrs . Osborne : It was frustrating , but that 's how everything starts . And it was exciting . I loved it . I loved learning about it , I loved working on it , and the more I worked on it , the more I wanted to do , so I wound up finally not being an operator . They hired some young men for that , and I was changed to becoming a programmer for the ORACLE . Now , the ORACLE stood for Oak Ridge Automatic Computer and Logical Engine . That 's O - R - A - C - L - E , yeah . And that 's what it stood for , and that was before FORTRAN , before any of the early languages . So people out there were writing subroutines ; we were shifting binary bits back and forth to do everything , to do additions , subtractions , multiplications , writing little routines to accomplish what people later accomplished in one word or one bit or this type of thing . So it was a very exciting time , and I thoroughly enjoyed a lot of that . Met a lot of people . Mrs . Osborne : Well , in my office , it was quiet , but when I worked on the computer , I was sitting at the console of this enormous machine that was probably , golly , I don 't think it was as big as a football field , but it was close to it , and it was just banks and banks and banks of these cathode ray tubes , with this enormous console in front of it . At least compared to what they are now , it was enormous . And where you 're flipping all kinds of little toggle switches and doing all sorts of things , and you 're working with all the best minds in the laboratory who were coming to put problems on and doing different things . And you 're sitting in front of a huge , great big plate glass window , which , seeing as I was twenty - one and single was kind of exciting , because everybody that I worked with had a single friend , it seemed like , and they were all walking by with their single friends and saying , " Would you like to meet her ? " So it was like being in show business almost . Mrs . Osborne : I was the only one right then , yes , for the first year . Now , there were women on the Math Panel , but they were definitely mathematicians , and I was not a mathematician at that point . I just sort of moved into that later . And evidently it was the test that they gave me that showed that I could do this or could handle it , that this was one of my strengths , so I always thought , how nice , had no idea what I was doing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , well , a lot of air conditioning . Very , very definitely a lot of air conditioning . And they checked whole banks of the tubes every single morning . The computer was down every morning for maintenance , and they would discover that something - there 'd been one tube blinking the day before , so who knows . At first it didn 't even run at night , you know , there wasn 't the need for it . And then as they began to find more uses for it and more uses for it , they started doing things at night out there , and I can remember riding out there at night with some physicists to help them with their programs , run them , and getting stopped by some of the , well , they were the guards there back by the plants , because physicists were not necessarily great drivers , the ones that were really good at some of the other things , at least these particular ones . They were brilliant men , and I 'm not saying that about all physicists , but we used to , as a young woman , we used to group them . Physicists were the ones that walked into doors and walked into people and this type of thing . Mrs . Osborne : And I married a physicist who never walks into doors or walks into people . I thought he was an engineer because he was just so neat and everything . But , yeah , we used to definitely pigeonhole the guys that walked down the hall to get coffee : " Oh yeah , that 's a chemist , you can tell , " or you 'd see him hit that wall , " He 's a physicist , " or - this sort of thing . It was a good place to be young . Mrs . Osborne : Well , the head of the Math Panel was a well known mathematician who wrote books and whatnot , Austin Householder , and he was one of the shyest men you 've ever seen in your life . He might have been a brilliant mathematician ; he was a brilliant mathematician . I can remember trying to read something that he had written one time and just , it was so far over my head , it was ridiculous . So he was definitely brilliant . But then there was a - several , what I would call big time - they became like vice presidents or assistant directors of the lab or something like this . I did meet Alvin Weinberg a time or two . And then there was Bob Sharpie , who was an assistant director , and he was an interesting man . He wound up becoming the head of some big company here in the United States , and , you know , multi - millionaire type person , becoming very well known . But at that point , he was just , what I thought was an extremely egotistical , hard to get along with person , who was an authority on a lot of things . And there was a program going on on television at that time called The $ 64 , 000 Question . There was a young high school girl who was on this show who was doing very , very well , and I can 't remember what her exact deal was , that you picked the field you want the questions in . When you got to the $ 64 , 000 question , which was the top one , you could have an authority come in and help you with it , and she picked Bob Sharpie to be her authority to come in . So we were - everybody in Oak Ridge was glued to the T . V . , if they had one back then , to watch that . And they won the $ 64 , 000 , she did . So he invited her and her parents to come and tour X - 10 , and I have a picture of them . And she 's just a normal looking girl , wearing glasses , everything - but obviously she was going to wind up being extremely good at whatever science she went into , and I never knew whatever happened to her . I hope she was a real success . But it was interesting to see , you know . Mrs . Osborne : First week . We were taking a bus - there was a bus that ran out to the lab - and so because you didn 't have a car you rode the bus . And when I went down to the bus stop , there were two of my friends from high school waiting for the same bus . So we were standing there talking and up came this nice young man to talk to one of the girls that I 'd gone to school with , and she introduced him to me , and it turned out that he was dating her at that point , or had had a couple of dates with her . And I thought he was really cute . And that was how I met him . And then we had all been asked to be ushers at an Oak Ridge Playhouse play later in the week , so we decided , well , we would - definitely none of us have a date for that , we would all do something together afterwards . So my parents dropped me off at the play . Actually the plays were at the Oak Ridge High School Auditorium right then , which was the old one up on Kentucky Avenue , and when I got there , I found out every other - there were four of us as usherettes at that point - the other three had each gotten a date . I 'm the only one that turned a date down and didn 't have one . So they were all going somewhere afterwards and I was not . Fortunately , friends of my parents were there at the play and gave me a ride home . But Morris always said - Morris was the date for this one girl , and he always said he felt so sorry for me standing there that he decided he wanted to ask me for a date . So I think I was his pity date [ laughter ] . Mrs . Osborne : But he never would ask me for a date far enough in advance . He would , you know , say , " How about could you go out , " he 'd call on Friday , " Could you go out with me on Monday night ? " Well , I already had a date Monday night . He had to call earlier than that . So after he asked me twice for a date and I turned him down each time , he said he wasn 't going to call me again , but I suggested what about such - and - such a night , when I was free , and so we went out then and that was the start of something that never stopped . By the fourth date , I knew that he was going to be the one that was going to - I was going to fall in love with him and make a big difference in my life . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , he was president of the Young Adult Fellowship at First Methodist Church , and I had always been very active in church . I was going to Kern Methodist Church at that point because it was closer to my home . So we had that and the fact that we both worked at X - 10 and we were both going to school at night and we both liked to go to the swimming pool . We did a lot of going to the swimming pool on weekends , and going up to the Smokies and driving around or hiking or both , having picnics on weekends , also . And we were both small town . In fact , he was even smaller : he 'd lived on a farm all his life . So it was definitely a reciprocating thing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , it was a very small wedding . Morris was in the process of doing some experiments with his job in solid state physics at that point , so we had to time the wedding between experiments . Because when an experiment was running , somebody had to be out there with it at night , and because the other people that were working on it all had families , he was the one that would be out with it at night . And a new husband doesn 't necessarily want to be spending the night out with an experiment . So we got married on a weekend that was at the end of one experiment and before the next one started , so we could have a honeymoon in there . And we had a very small wedding at Kern Methodist Church at eleven o ' clock in the morning , because that was before air conditioned churches , and it was in July and hot as blazes . Everything stuck to you because it was just so hot . It was mainly the people I worked with and the people he worked with and some of the people from church and friends of my parents and a few of our friends , mutual friends , and we had a reception downstairs , with just cake and punch and nuts and mints . That 's what used to be - you know , I can remember it cost ten dollars for the flowers . It cost ten dollars for the cake , because the lady that made the cake was just going into the business and that 's what she charged for this lovely cake . And a friend went over to Farmer 's Market and bought the flowers over in Knoxville and then decorated the church with them and then carried them downstairs for the reception . And I mean , it was - we got married - I used to say we got married on a dime and that was just about it . So , that 's why we had a big fiftieth wedding anniversary , because we had such a small wedding . But it certainly lasted . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , they threw the paper chad from the tapes , from all - typing all those tapes for the computer . They 'd been bagging up all those tiny , tiny little bits of paper that came out , and they were sort of a greasy paper , oily , and they had bags full of the stuff . It looked like it was just pouring rain when they were throwing this . And it got - the best man drove us away from the wedding in his mother 's car , and the car just got plastered with this stuff , and his mother never could get it completely cleaned out . [ laughter ] She wound up trading cars , I understand . And I was wearing a big white lace hat when I left on the honeymoon , and it was just full of these bits of little tiny round bits of paper chad , you know . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . Let 's see , when the children - we had three children , and I quit work when I was expecting the first child because I was having a lot of problems , so - and at that time , you stayed home with your children . You didn 't go back to work unless you were really an expert at something . And I was certainly not an expert at anything . So I stayed home as a mother , and then sixteen months later I had a second child , and then three years later I had a third child . So I was pretty busy . I stayed home until the third child went off to school . So when he went to school , I went back to work as an instructional aide at Linden School , was hired by the principal there that had been there for many , many years , and was just a wonderful lady . Mrs . Osborne : Around ' 65 , ' 66 , something like that . And so I worked there half - time as an instructional aide , so I was home when the children were home , and I could either drive them to school or pick them up from school and bring them home depending on whether I worked mornings or afternoons . I worked in third grade at least three of the years , and I worked in sixth grade one year . Got to go to Tremont with the sixth graders and teach crafts , which was - that was a wonderful week . It was one of the most enjoyable weeks of my life . I 'd been to Tremont as a mother , but to go as an instructor was even more fun . So I did that and I left Linden School because my husband was picked by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission to go to Germany as a guest scientist for two years to work at Kernforschungszentrum outside of Karlsruhe , West Germany . And so we moved the three children and our dog over there for two years , which was not an easy thing to do at that point . Our oldest son was a senior at high school , our daughter was a sophomore , and our youngest child was sixth grade . Mrs . Osborne : This was , you know , we went over in 1975 , so yeah . I 'm sorry , I must have gone back to work - I did not go back to work when I said I did . I must have gone back to work about ' 70 . Ah , okay , that makes a difference , yeah , sorry about that . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's all right . Was it hard to - you said you brought your dog over to Germany . Was that hard to do back then , or was it easy ? Mrs . Osborne : If you brought an animal in , it would be put to death . And so we were just terrified about what was going to happen to our dog , which - he was a member of our family , definitely . We 'd had his mother before him and had him since he was born . And I can remember when we got off the plane in London , we could see his crate being unloaded , and we were just sitting in there watching to see what they were going to do with it . And when we saw it go onto the plane going to Germany , that was such a relief . I don 't know what we would have done if they hadn 't done that . But they were having an outbreak of rabies in England at the time , and that 's why they had just shut down everything completely . But that was terrifying . And the children were already so upset about going that that 's all they needed was to find out that the dog might be missing when we got there . And there were people - when we got to Germany , I remember seeing , there were some animal crates going around , empty , on the carousel . Fortunately , ours still had a dog in it . Mrs . Osborne : And he was so glad to get out of there . But that was the hardest - they would not , back then , they wouldn 't allow animals up in the plane . He had to be down in baggage , which was not heated really or air conditioned or - you know , it was just really , really bad . So we were lucky he survived . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : But the Germans were pretty dog - friendly , weren 't they ? Mrs . Osborne : Oh , very much so . Our dog had so many friends over there . We had friends that Morris knew from work there that wanted to keep him for every trip we went on , and we would come back - he was a dachshund , just a regular sized dachshund , and we tried to keep him fairly sleek , because they do have back troubles , and every time we came back from a trip , he would be just like a football . Mrs . Osborne : Stuffed to the gills , round as all get out , and have garlic breath from all the wurst that they 'd been feeding him . He just loved those German friends and they loved him . Oh boy , " He is just such a good dog , he just loves staying with us . " Yes , he did . He got spoiled rotten . And we 'd have to run him all over the place to get him slimmed down again , get him back on dog food . And , " I don 't know why you feed him dog food . He really likes salami better . " Well , yes , he does . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , the weather . It got dark so early . It would be , in the wintertime , it would be dark - by the time our children got off the school bus , it was already dark . So playing outside , there wasn 't any such thing . And it was dark when they left for school in the morning . Just all kinds of things like this . And where we were , we didn 't have a lot of snow . The temperature 's something like Oak Ridge , except a little bit more - it rained every single day , and you didn 't have the sunny days . Like , Oak Ridge is wonderful in that we have these beautiful sunny days in the middle of winter that just restores your faith in humanity and life . Everybody needs this , and in Germany you did not have this . It was just gray , day after day after day . Of course they had lots of celebrations and lots of parties and Fasching was huge , huge . Fasching was a time of parades everywhere and lots of people dressing up and we went to special Fasching parades and villages over there where they had people all dressed up in these very old masks , witch masks , wooden ones , and went around dressed as witches and poked their brooms at the dog - you took your dog everywhere in Germany - and would give out candy to the children , you know , scare them and then give them candy , this type of thing . Everything was just so different and it was so clean over there ; it was wonderful . You were responsible for keeping the street in front of your house clean , and I was responsible for keeping the stairs and the landing - we were on the second floor of a house , where we were living , and I was responsible for keeping that mopped . Now , some things were very , very hard . The German washing machines back then - this was in the days of polyester , and a lot of our clothes were polyester , and the German washing machines started with cold water , heated the water up to boiling , took like two hours to do a load and sort of boiled the clothes , so what happened to polyester was terrible . We did not ever buy a German washing machine . We wound up Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . So did your children enjoy school in Germany and did they learn German ? Mrs . Osborne : Our daughter did and our youngest son wound up enjoying it . Our oldest son did not . He just couldn 't make it . We had assured him that if he would just try , that if he couldn 't make the switch , we would send him back to graduate with his class here , because he was a senior in high school . And he just could not make the change . So we sent him back to Oak Ridge by himself just about New Year 's . He had to be back for a whole semester in order to graduate with his class at Oak Ridge High School . So some friends of ours that had a daughter his age had said he could stay with them . He didn 't know them that well , but he came back and stayed with them . It was very , very hard on him . I would never do that again . I don 't know how we would handle it if it ever came up again , but that was , for him , it was a bad , bad year . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , it is too bad . The other two wound up making a switch . Linda wound up becoming very good in German and Paul wound up enjoying himself . Now they were going to an American school on the Army base . We had promised them - there was no school that taught in English around there , and we only had six weeks notice that we were going to be going , moving over , so we had no time to learn the language ahead of time . So we had assured them that they would be going to a school where they would be taught in English . So they went to a military school , which was a terrible school . It was not a good one at all . After going to the Oak Ridge schools , it was a real , real letdown . The first class we ever took our oldest son into , it was an English class , and there were guys sitting in there reading comic books , getting credit for reading comic books , and David had been in advanced classes at Oak Ridge High School . Mrs . Osborne : So the teacher just said to us , " Get him out of here as fast as you can ; send him home . " So that 's another reason that he wound up going home . So he did okay scholastically , but emotionally it was just really not good . He was too young to be away from the family . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . It was not easy . They spoke English to him and spoke German to each other , so that he had to really learn fast and try to get really good in order to know what was going on , and it was not easy for him , either . We were the first of several families that were sent over for this project , and it was a project to have the - like , Morris was supposed to be working with people over there who were working on the same type of thing that he had been working on here at the lab , so that they didn 't have to duplicate the same experiments and whatnot . They could share information back and forth , which obviously makes sense financially as well as other ways , so that 's what it was all about , and we learned a whole lot by being over there , found out how insulated we had been living in our little puddle here in Oak Ridge , that we thought we were big time stuff because there were people here from all over the world and actually we weren 't all that big time stuff . When you get out in the world , you find out . So we learned a lot of different - did lots and lots of traveling , went to Holland and Belgium and Spain and Egypt and Italy , and we have all the usual things : got robbed in Italy , got sick in Spain . And went to Czechoslovakia , which was a closed - in country back then and that was on a - actually , we joined a military tour , or one that was sponsored by the officers ' wives club , this sort of thing , so it was very inexpensive . And did the same thing - went to London . I took the kids and went to London for three or four days and went to the ballet and just did all kinds of - the museums and whatnot . Just did a lot of things so that they had all kinds of advantages over people that never get to do any of these things . And I had all kinds of advantages this way . I loved the traveling . I loved going to different castles and seeing all the churches and the age of the cities . Like , they 'd be having their thousand year anniversary . And that 's when the United States was having its two - hundredth . Mrs . Osborne : We were having a really big celebration and everything , and Elvis Presley died while we were over there , and that was a big thing in Germany , too . I was just amazed at how much the Germans loved him . But he had been in Germany when he was in the military . And I was in a German American woman 's club in which we had a little cooking group of eight ladies , and we took turns cooking . The American ladies would cook one month and the German ladies would cook the next month , and then exchange recipes and whatnot . Jimmy Carter was elected president while we were over there and he had cheese grits . Well , they had never heard of cheese grits , and they wanted to know what they were , so we fixed a brunch for the ladies in our group , the German ladies , in which we fixed cheese grits and sausage balls and eggs and this sort of thing , like you would have a southern - and biscuits and whatnot . And they did things like - everything that they did had lots of liquor in it . We had Black Forest cake , which has a whole bottle of Kirschwasser in it , which is , whoa , that stuff burns all the way down . I think you could light the cake on fire . Mrs . Osborne : And just lots of things like that , and had some of the most wonderful mushroom soup that they made one time , just some things that you would never have had an opportunity to try otherwise , just heavenly . And you learned what some of the customs were . Anytime you have a coffee over there , you end the coffee by serving something alcoholic just before you send everybody home , which is not what 's done in this country . Mrs . Osborne : And we were always scared to death that we would get stopped by the police on the way home . But you couldn 't insult them by saying no . At least we never would have done that . Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Yeah . But they appreciated finding out some of these things . And we had just a regular picnic for them one time with hotdogs and hamburgers and potato salad and the whole thing , just as they were trying to do typical dishes for us that they would use . So it was fun exchanging . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I was very restless when I came back and I had been to so many wonderful , wonderful museums , that I thought , I want to work for a museum . So I went down here to what was then the American Museum of Atomic Energy , which is now the American Museum of Science and Energy , and I got a job . And the longer I worked there , the more responsibility they gave me . I started out working in the gift shop and working as a - doing one or two of the little audience shows that they had . I did the genetics show with the animals , and then I wound up - they were giving me more things to read and more things to read and wound up doing one on reactors . I think I told you that when I found out that I had this physics class from Harvard in my audience one day around the reactors , I decided , oh boy , you better get back to school if you 're going to answer questions from people like this . So that 's when I decided to go back to school , and I went back to UT and started after twenty - five years of being out of school , just signed up for a full load . I continued working at the museum the first year and then I had to quit because I just had too many labs and everything to have time for that . So I went back for two years , loved it , just loved going back to school , because that 's one of those things you get your pats on the back , just right away . Here 's your grades . You 're either doing well or you 're not doing well , you know , you have something . It 's so different from being a housewife and always sort of wondering , " Did they really like that meal ? " Because the one that didn 't is going to tell you about it , but if they did like it , they 're not necessarily going to say anything . Going back to school is really a positive experience ; it was for me . And I really enjoyed being around the kids . They treated me like I was practically one of them . They loved to borrow my notes because I took very good notes and much better than they did , and they like to study with me for exams and stuff . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : YoMrs . Osborne : Well , actually , no . It had been twenty - five years , and I just - actually it had been thirty years since I had done that , and I had never really used my shorthand , so no , I really couldn 't do that . But I certainly was really good at other things , and I just took things that I enjoyed and wound up getting my degree in Botany and doing some lab work for one of the botanists over there that was a lot of fun . I mean , it was a lot of work , too , but it was fun to do it . I thoroughly enjoyed it . I wound up trying to grow a strain of something or other and when she , my professor , examined what I had been carefully - every time , every week - dividing and spreading out on another Petri dish and dividing and this sort of thing , she found I was growing an absolutely terrible strain of staph [ Staphylococcus ] . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : But I 'd done it well . So , I said , " How could I have gotten that ? " And she said , " Well , everybody has staph on their body . " Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . And even though you 're running your hands under these lights to - you know , you 're washing and everything and then you 're running them under the special lights before you 're putting them under the hood to work and everything . But evidently I 'd gotten a staph bug in there . But she caught it and no harm done . And I had certainly learned the procedure even though I hadn 't grown the right thing . So that was interesting . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : What an interesting experience . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Ah , yes , a student like me is really - oh , and I 'd learned - one of the really exciting things that I did , we had a lady professor , assistant professor , that taught one of my lab courses that specialized in spiders . So she was going to have us specialize in spiders that quarter . We had to go out in this field when it was all wet with dew and whatnot and try to trap spiders , crawling around on our hands and knees . And I thought , if my bridge club could only see me now : I 'm out here crawling around in the mud trying to find spiders , which I absolutely hate and trap them in this little glass jar and then dot them with a dot of color . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : We had started out in a babysitting club together with our children way back when I had the first child . We didn 't have grandmothers and people around that could babysit , and so a lot of the mothers banded together , like , twenty - five , thirty mothers would band together into a babysitting club , and took turns keeping the books . A different woman kept the books every month and you took calls from people who wanted a sitter and calls from people who were available to sit , and you matched them up this way . And if you used a sitter for three hours , you had to sit for somebody for three hours . And so it didn 't cost you anything . You had a well - trained mother that was sitting with your children , so you didn 't have to worry about them , and back then this was just really important , because everybody was getting by on as little as possible and wanting a good sitter , so this is what we did . And so I had met Connie in this , and we had formed a bridge club way back then . Well , she said they needed a clerk at the library and why didn 't I come and interview . So I did . And I didn 't want to be a library clerk per se , but then she explained that probably the circulation supervisor would be leaving within the year and they thought I might be interested in that job and that the experience of being a clerk for six , eight months would certainly stand me in good stead , seeing as I didn 't have a library degree . So I did that . I worked as a clerk , and then I became the circulation supervisor , and was that for like ten years . And that was my - and then I had to retire because I 'd worn out my knees at that point , particularly one knee . I was on crutches at that point . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I learned how tough it is to tell people they have to pay for overdue books when the reason their books are overdue is because their husband had checked them out and then had died . And I was not allowed - because the money went in - all the overdue monies went into the City general fund . I was not allowed to forgive a single nickel of an overdue thing . And that is so hard to find out the reason these are overdue is because " I didn 't even think about the fact that , you know , we had these out when John died . " And of course you would normally say , " Well , don 't worry about it ; we 're just happy to have them back . " Nope , I had to charge . That was really hard . And then there was the day that there was this nice young man that was obviously going to college and didn 't have much when he came in and he had his backpack , and he started taking these books out of his backpack , putting them up on the counter , bringing them back , and as he did , these huge roaches went crawling off , just running off from these books . Mrs . Osborne : I didn 't want those roaches running around the library . And I had to take the book back and wash it well , but we had plastic on it . He was so embarrassed . Mrs . Osborne : So that was one of my memorable moments . And then there was the man who brought a book back in a plastic bag and said , " I think you might want to throw this away . " And I 'm saying , " Why would I want to throw the book away ? " [ He said ] , " Well , it 's not a good book . I don 't think you want to have it . " [ I said ] , " I don 't think we have the right to judge whether a book is a good book or not . " [ He said ] , " Well I still think you ought to throw it away . " I kept trying to find out why , and finally it turned out that it was because he had dropped it in something very , very bad and had tried to wash it off somewhat , put it in the plastic bag and brought it back . Needless to say , we threw it away . Mrs . Osborne : People are more fun . And then there were all sorts of just lovely people that came in that I hadn 't seen for years : people I 'd gone to high school with , people that had been friends of my parents , just lots of wonderful , wonderful people that it was such a pleasure to see and to renew acquaintance with and to help . And they love the library . Oak Ridgers really use their library a tremendous amount . It 's very , very important to them . And it 's a very good library , frankly . And I know you want to hear about the man with the shoe fetish . Mrs . Osborne : It was a nice young man who had some mental problems that I had never heard of before . I had never heard of a shoe fetish before . And he pigeonholed me one day back in the stacks asking me to help him find something . And while we were back in the stacks , he started admiring my shoes and saying he 'd " love to get some like that for his mother and what kind were they ? " And I couldn 't remember what kind they were , so I , being very accommodating , pulled one off to see what the brand was , at which point he grabbed it out of my hand , and then I had to try to get the shoe back from him , and that 's when I realized something was wrong . And I was so embarrassed . I finally got my shoe back and went running back into the back room and told somebody about it , and everyone started laughing . And I had just met the man with the shoe fetish . And evidently , most everybody had met him sooner or later there and I had just run into him . He never did anything terrible ; he just liked shoes . And it was embarrassing , very embarrassing . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : About the same number that work there now , I think . I don 't think they 've been able to add or subtract much of anybody since I was there . It was not computerized at that point , so there were a lot of mundane jobs that had to be done , like we had to put date due cards in every single book that was checked out , book , record , whatever . And we had to every - that 's when people were checking out lots of records . And we had to check every single record when it came back in to see if it had been scratched or warped or something or other , because , it 's amazing , the number of people who didn 't understand that the LP records , if you left them in a car , even for ten or fifteen minutes , would warp . Mrs . Osborne : And they would have to pay for them then because the library , obviously , had paid for them . So a lot of things that took a lot longer to do back then - we had to take a book card out of the pocket , back pocket , of every book , so that we knew what was checked out and what wasn 't checked out , because now you can just , you know , key it into the computer and " Oh , oh yeah , that book 's checked out , " you know , " And it 's due back a week from Wednesday " or something . Well , then , we couldn 't . We would have to go through all of these cards . So we had cards that had to be alphabetized every single morning , and it was from all the things that had been checked out the day before . So you alphabetized them , and then you worked them in with the other cards . And so if you were not able to alphabetize , you couldn 't work at the library . That was one of the tests that was given to every page , every clerk , everyone that went to work there . And it 's amazing the number of young people that could not alphabetize . So being a page at the Oak Ridge Public Library was a real leg up also . That was a good job . It was hard , and if you were a good page , you were capable of doing almost anything in life . That 's the amazing thing about it . Because you had to be able to work with people , get along with people , you had to be able to do things quickly , you had to be able to be very agreeable and just - taking the truckloads of books out and putting them in the right place . Every once in a while , we would find that we had just all kinds of books out of place , and we would find we had a page who was being lazy . They were just taking them out and just sticking them somewhere , which involved , then , either my retraining , talking to them about changing their way or else firing them , one or the other , depending on what they were willing to do . And we had volunteers that came in that helped put the books up also , and every once in a while we would have a volunteer that absolutely could not put them in the right place . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : How many pages and volunteers did you manage ? Mrs . Osborne : I had eleven people under me , of which - they were - all the clerks were under me plus all of the five pages were under me . So , six clerks and five pages , and that 's the most , like my boss only had one person under her and that was me . And the head of reference only had the reference librarians under her . Because the pages change every year , I was always going through training and retraining , which meant I was working late , night after night , because the pages didn 't come to work till like five o ' clock , and I got off at 5 : 30 . Well , if you 're training somebody , you have to be around . So I put in lots of extra time doing that . Mrs . Osborne : It was , it was . I enjoyed it , though . I liked a lot of it . I disliked some of it . I disliked the autonomy , I guess , the fact that you didn 't have the right to be as understanding as you would like to be . And for me that was hard . As I said I was definitely a square peg in a round hole when it came to that . But it takes all kinds to make a good library , I think . Mrs . Osborne : The people , working with the people , seeing them , trying to please them , trying to help them find what they wanted , what they needed , help the kids get the help that they needed for different papers , this sort of thing . I was constantly amazed by damage that people would do to books . I had never known that some people would cut pages out of reference books to avoid paying ten cents to make a copy of a page , that they would just deliberately go back in the stacks and do this sort of thing . I had never known that people would take the expensive tables that you have down there , special ones , and carve things in them , so that you wind up having to buy these special heavy Plexiglas tops for all of them to keep them from being ruined . Just a lot of things like this . I just did not realize that you had people like that . Mrs . Osborne : Guess I grew up in a very small , little , little group of not doing things like this , so I was just amazed at some of the things . Every time somebody got something stolen , I was shocked . I actually threw one young man out one night who was being just terrible . He was a guy that had been a big star at Oak Ridge High School in football , but he 'd never really learned to write his name , and he 'd been in special ed classes all along , so he could print his first name and the first initial of his last name , and that was it . So he liked to hang out in the library . But by this time , he was in his twenties , and he was drinking heavily , and he would come in and want to use the phone . And that 's not a thing you normally do is let people - you certainly can 't leave somebody in the back workroom at night by themselves using the phone . You have to stay by them . So it turns out his important phone call was to a girl he was trying to get a date with for the night . So I told him he had to get off the phone , and he kept on talking and I kept telling him to get off the phone . I finally just cut him off , at which point I thought he was going to hit me , he was so astonished that I would do that . And I beat him to the punch in that I just pointed my finger at him and said , " Get out of here right now . Don 't you come back here tonight . " I was so angry at him because he - I was so busy out at the front desk and he 's taking my time to be back there to try to talk a girl into letting him come over . And he said that was more important , so anyway , he left . And I thought afterwards , my gosh , he could have really hurt me if he 'd wanted to . So that was pretty dumb on my part . Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know . I did not ask them . They invited me back as a volunteer to do the same work that I had been doing , and I went back a time or two , and then I thought , wait a minute , this is kind of dumb . If I could not work here because my knees were so bad for pay , why am I coming back as a volunteer to do the very same work ? So I decided I would do something else . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I went back to doing a lot of the volunteer work that I used to do . I had always done lots of volunteer work at different things . I had always - well , I 'd taught swimming for the Red Cross for years , enjoyed that thoroughly . I taught the swimming badge for the Boy Scouts , lifesaving badge for the Boy Scouts , taught different classes at church . For the last fifteen years , I 've been leading classes in helping people find their spiritual gifts that God has given them , which has been just one of the most exciting things to do imaginable , and leading other small groups . I 'm a very strong believer in that to have a deep faith in God , you need to belong to a small group , that people help sustain you , help you sustain your faith and support you in all kinds of things . And not everyone is fortunate enough to have a group of friends or people like this . And that 's what small groups do . And so studying and deepening your faith while you are making these relationships or carving out these relationships makes it doubly precious and really sustains you for years in everything you do . It 's been very helpful for me . Mrs . Osborne : Nope , no , they always had lots of volunteers and I always thought I would go back there . I did do the voice for one of their Oak Ridge shows way back . I was on recording there . Mrs . Osborne : It was a slide show . I 'm sorry , it was a slide show that they did with the voice going along with it , and the voice that went with it was me . And that went for quite a few years before they changed shows . So now they have professional people that do that , and I have never been a professional voice person . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I also sing . I used to . Since I quit working down there . I discovered that I 'd always wanted to be a torch singer and I love singing some of the old love songs : Gershwin , Cole Porter , and just a lot of the songs from the Second World War and just a lot of things like this I like . There are needs for this in some of the retirement centers and at the Keystone group down here , which is the daycare center for people with problems . Music stays with people longer than any other kind of memory . Singing some of the old songs brings back all kinds of things for them , and I love doing it . We were having cabarets at church also almost every year for a while when we would be putting on a dinner . And then eventually we wound up not doing a dinner ; we did just delicious homemade desserts and the show , and selling tickets . So I did a lot of this . I did a little directing and a lot of singing and this type of thing , and then I sang at the Daily Grind , which was a coffee house here in Oak Ridge , and that was fun . Mrs . Osborne : Right , right . They 're in the corner at Jackson Square . Yeah , I used to do that on Friday night once in a while . And , you know , you 'd end up singing for three hours straight , and that takes a little training to be able to do . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , that 's neat . You know , you were here during the sixties , and I think that Margaret Mead came here in the sixties . Is that right ? Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : I 've heard that she was critical of Oak Ridge because there weren 't any grandparents in Oak Ridge and she thought that you needed - Mrs . Osborne : Oh ! Well now she 'd be critical of Oak Ridge because it 's all grandparents . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : You know , she , bless her heart , she just had to be critical of things , and that 's a good point . But a lot of people wound up getting their parents to move here after they had children and said they were staying on here . After their parents retired , their parents wound up moving here and retiring to help take care of their grandchildren and whatnot . But , yeah , I remember she was not - she didn 't seem to find as much joy in Oak Ridge or pride in it as we all thought she should . And then there was a doctor - who was the doctor from Georgia that I used to go to ? Mrs . Osborne : Dr . Greenblatt , from Georgia . He was a specialist in hormones , and Carbide actually had him come up and talk to all the wives that would go to hear him , about how to go through difficult times in your life , go through menopause or whatnot , or how to help your children out if they were having hormone problems or this type of thing , and he came up , and that 's where I went to hear him . And he was very far out as far as most people were concerned . He believed in having not just shots , hormone shot , or taking pills , but he believed in having them put pellets , hormone pellets , into the abdomen or into the hip that would last for five to six months for people . And he did the same thing for children that were not growing as they should or not developing as they should , and he was a specialist in this down at the University of Georgia , I believe . Mr . Osborne : I think it was the University of Georgia at Augusta . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , okay . So , anyway , I used to have one of his books that he had written , also on this . He was really an expert on this . And I wound up going to him quite a few times . He was an amazing man . All these people that are really amazing have egos , or a lot of them , have egos to go along with it . So they are sometimes their own worst enemy . But it 's amazing how much they know . And Oak Ridge just seemed to have the best of everything back in the fifties and sixties . Back when I was a girl , you didn 't have to worry about locking your doors , you didn 't have to worry about who your children were going with , because everybody that was in here had been investigated and had some sort of clearance or some sort of investigation done . You did not have to - it was just safe everywhere . And one of the really neat things is there were all these greenbelt areas between houses to give you more privacy , so you didn 't have just house right behind house behind house in a lot of cases . And I know where we lived , there was a gravel path that went through the woods and up these - across a little bridge that across this great huge drainage ditch that would just be roaring with water after the rains , and up some steps and up onto Georgia Avenue , and then right over down one of those lanes and down to the - across Blankenship field and up to the school there . That 's how I walked to school . And when you 're coming home from the movie , that 's how you walked home , through the woods this way , and it was perfectly safe because there weren 't any weirdoes around that - at least certainly no weirdoes that anybody heard of or knew about . Everything was completely safe . And as a teenager , this was just so romantic to get to walk through the woods with your boyfriend and be out of sight of your parents this way . I mean this was just really really terrific . Mrs . Osborne : We had a " D " house down at the bottom of Fulton Lane . It was the only " D " house on the street , and we had to live in the Guest House for the first two weeks waiting for our things to get here and for the house to be finished . And they finished the house and we moved in , and it was a very , very nice house . It was at the bottom , so we were at the cul - de - sac sort of thing . We had houses across the street . There wasn 't anything at the end but just a parking area and then the woods behind us and our porch faced the greenbelt area . A " D " house was really a lovely house . Mrs . Osborne : Senior . He was the one that wound up having the heart transplant and this sort of thing . Anyway , he was the only one out there at that time . And then , after I had been on the Math Panel - I don 't remember how long , I guess just a year or two - they hired a young black woman mathematician - she had her master 's degree in Math - to come and work on the Math Panel . Really a nice young lady . Her husband was a professor at Knoxville College . So when she came , I didn 't realize what a big deal this was , but other people did . When you 're twenty - one , you don 't sometimes realize how important some things are , and it turned out that for her to go to the cafeteria was absolutely terrible , because we were like three blocks from the cafeteria , so you always walked down , naturally , because you couldn 't bring your car in . So you walked to the cafeteria , you bought your food , you sat in there and ate . So you would go to lunch with friends . So when - I can 't remember her name . That 's terrible ; I can picture her but I cannot remember her name . But she was really nice , and so we made plans that three of us were going to take turns going to lunch with her so she would never have to go down there by herself , because sure enough , when she walked in the cafeteria , a lot of the workmen would glare at her and make comments and this sort of thing , because there just had not been any black people eating in there and they were not used to this at all . So we made sure that she never had to go by herself to the cafeteria . And this was fine . We had worked [ it ] out very well , and we enjoyed having lunch with her . Mrs . Osborne : No , but it would have been really tough for her to have to sit by herself at a table , you know . They would not have done anything to her , I 'm sure , but they would have gone out of their way to make comments or something like that . But the fact that she always had two guardians , more or less , with her made it much easier . So her husband had a birthday while she was working there at the lab . So she decided to have a big party for him , and she invited Morris and I , and she invited this other girl from the Math Panel , Nancy Dismuke and her husband Stewart , to go also . So we decided we were all going to go , wondering what it was going to be like , and so we drove with the - the Dismukes drove , we rode with them over to Knoxville and to the Knoxville College area there where they lived and we went into this party . And everybody in the party had a master 's degree or a Ph . D . except for us , I think . [ laughter ] Except for Morris and I , that is , because Nancy Dismuke had a master 's . But they were all from Knoxville College , professors , and there were some white professors . I didn 't realize Knoxville College had some white professors at that point , which they did . So it turned out it was really a strange feeling to be completely surrounded by all blacks , because I had never in my entire life had this happen . And it was just - strange is the only way - and I 'm sure it was as strange for them to see us coming in when they didn 't know us at all . The other white people that worked at Knoxville College fit in just fine , but we were - they weren 't real sure about what we were going to be like or what we were going to say or do , I 'm sure . But we played games and wound up having a nice time . It was a lovely party , with your usual soft drinks and cake and coffee , and this type of thing , and just a happy birthday . Her husband was a really nice guy . She didn 't work for a real long time . She only worked for about a year or two there and then she left . I have a picture of the Math Panel group with hDr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , I 'm sure . When did they start doing the free breakfasts for underprivileged children ? Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know , because they didn 't have them when I worked at Linden . The child was allowed to - the one child I was thinking of was allowed to sleep under a table until almost noon because he was so tired . There were like ten kids in the family and one bed , and so he always got pushed out of bed because he was the youngest . So he would come and sleep under this table , and then would - I don 't know if he had to wait till lunch or if when we had recess , whether they could get him something to eat then . But I know that the counselor there at school would take him up and shower him off and find clean clothes for him and this type of thing , because he had no care at home at all , this one child , had not whatsoever , and it 's just pitiful to see this happen . But they could have been a white family . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yeah . Now , I did not know that until much later that Oak Ridge had a real problem finding teams to play them in the different sports , in football or in basketball because they had integrated . We 're a government town , and so naturally you are integrating . And the other schools around in Tennessee did not want to play a school that had blacks on the team . They weren 't going to have their boys having to get up close and personal and play these guys . So they had an awful time filling the schedules , and they had to offer all kinds of incentives in order to fill the football schedule and whatnot , so that was tough . Mrs . Osborne : We did at that time . We had better equipment , better uniforms . The poverty level around in Tennessee was - or the poverty , not just the level , but the poverty - was very prevalent , and it showed up in things like teams and uniforms and all this sort of thing , which was not considered such a big deal back then as it is now . Now , everybody knows that the more important thing , part of school , is your football and your basketball . Anyway , but that may be one reason we 're behind the Chinese and Japanese , I 'm not sure . But anyway , then it wasn 't that big a thing , and we also , of course , had much better schools . We had teachers that came from all over the place and we had classes - we had science classes that they didn 't have in the local schools around , just all sorts of things here , as well as having drama and art and music and - I 'm sure they had music in some of the things , but we had - Oak Ridge schools just had a lot of things that other schools in the surrounding area could not afford , and that was sort of held against us . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : And also , you had said something about going to shop in Knoxville and Clinton . What was that like ? How did they treat Oak Ridgers ? Mrs . Osborne : Well , I did not shop in Clinton . Clinton was a real little backwater town . It wasn 't worth stopping in , I 'm sorry , at that point . Now , it 's a lovely place to go antiquing , and once you found out about Hammer 's , back before they moved particularly , Hammer 's was always fun to go to . Mrs . Osborne : Hammer 's was a local department store that was in this old building with all kinds of little out - of - the - way rooms and whatnot and little steps here and there and roundabout and they would get in truckloads of stuff that maybe came from a fire sale or came from something or other or came from QVC that didn 't sell . I 'm not sure where all . And they 'd sell at just really , really small prices . I know a girl who got lots of money for college by buying these - what were the shirts that had the duck on it or something like that ? Mrs . Osborne : Izod shirts . She used to go to Hammer 's and buy the Izod shirts , the seconds , and sell them to her sorority sisters at the University of North Carolina for regular prices and make all kinds of money this way . She was very much an entrepreneur and earned a lot of money this way . But that 's the sort of thing that Hammer 's had , if you could get in there . Somebody I know bought a baby grand piano from them . I did buy some wicker furniture from them once , and I used to go over there and get fabric and I 've gotten , you know , a few articles of clothing there at different times , but now it 's - it still has some good buys , I 'm sure , but I 'm too old and tired to shop there anymore . Mrs . Osborne : It moved , no , it 's still in Clinton , but it 's out at the other end of Clinton , now . It 's not in downtown Clinton anymore ; it 's out just before you get to the river , out past where the fairgrounds are on the other side , so it 's not as interesting . It 's in a normal place now instead of being in a funny little hole place . Mrs . Osborne : I did go to Knoxville , and the thing that was so remarkable about Knoxville is the coal soot . I can remember standing on the corner , waiting for a bus , and winding up with black specks all over my coat and my face , and if you touched them , it just spread , because it was coal soot , and it would just grind right into your skin and into your coat , the fabric of it , whatever , and I had never - I mean , we had coal furnaces in Michigan , but we didn 't have coal soot like that . I don 't know if it was a difference in coal or - Mrs . Osborne : I do not remember noticing that . Now I know that we had the same furnace in our " D " house that everybody had , but I have no idea if it was a coal furnace or not because I don 't remember ever getting coal from a coal truck . So whether it might have been an oil furnace back then , I don 't know . Mrs . Osborne : We did not get a coal delivery that I know of . We had no coal . Now , the cemestos did not . I know the flattops did , because this friend that I used to visit in a flattop definitely had the place where the coal was kept out in front and the little coal stove inside and whatnot , but in the cemesto you didn 't have that . So whether I was just too dense to remember it or whether we had a different kind of furnace - Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Well , you remembered it being smoggy in Knoxville , so chances are the problems were worse in Knoxville than they were in Oak Ridge . Mrs . Osborne : They definitely were . They definitely were . And this was in downtown Knoxville on Gay Street , because I was standing on Gay Street because Miller 's was on Gay Street then , and Miller 's was the big department store . Mrs . Osborne : Okay , they were fine . It was the kids at school that used to make fun of the way I talked , and one of the words that they always thought was the funniest was the way I said ' cow , ' and they would always say , " Say ' cow , ' Barbara . Listen to her . Listen to her , now . Say ' cow . ' " And [ I would say ] , " Cow . " They 'd " [ laughter ] . " And I 'd think , " What 's wrong with the way I say ' cow , ' " you know , but who knows . Mrs . Osborne : But I could tell whether I was or whether - I think I could tell if you were . So it 's really strange . It depends on where you 're from . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . Everybody has different speech features . How do you think - you know , sometimes people talk about having trouble with businesses in Knoxville because they were obviously not from this area , and the Knoxvillians knew that and they didn 't really like outsiders . You seem to have a pretty good experience in Knoxville from what I can tell , and maybe after the Manhattan Project , it wasn 't so much of a problem . Mrs . Osborne : It made the culture so different from every place else , that we 're spoiled . We think that all other towns are bound to be something like Oak Ridge , that they 're going to have people that are willing to listen to the pros and the cons and then make a decision , that there are people who you can argue with and maybe change their mind that aren 't just completely hidebound and something like this . And somehow , when you get away from Oak Ridge , you find that 's not necessarily true . You get into some of the good old boy stuff , and if you aren 't either a Democrat or a Republican , depending on where you are , why , you don 't have anything good to say or anything worth listening to and so forth and so on , and you 're never going to change somebody 's mind . If you 've got God and logic on your side , you still aren 't going to be able to change their mind , that there are people like this . Because the majority of people in Oak Ridge are operating from a brain and they have learned through the years - now , I 'm not saying everybody , but I 'm saying the majority of people that you run into here are people who have used their minds and found out there 's rights and wrongs and there 's some shady , gray shades in this world and there are some things that you just can 't come out and say is either black or white , and this type of thing . I think we have gotten very spoiled . I know our oldest son found this out . He was the one that went into restaurant management and being a chef . When he went to other towns to help open restaurants , he found some of the narrow - mindedness in some of the South Carolina towns absolutely appalling compared to what he was used to from here in Oak Ridge , the people here . Mrs . Osborne : The things that they say , their beliefs , you know , whether it 's the good old boys on football Saturday or whether it 's the fact that they 're going to fly the - I think South Carolina was having a real problem with the Confederate flag back about the time that he was there , so whether it had something to do with that , and the fact that he is a reader . He has just read more stuff than - I thought I was a reader , but he is really - he reads all of an author and then goes on to the next author and then , you know , this type of thing , and he is what I would consider an extremely well - read individual . So the fact that he had trouble finding people with the same interests that he had once he left Oak Ridge , that had something to do with it maybe . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Were people in Oak Ridge ever worried during the integration of the schools ? I mean , you say you don 't remember many problems , but were they worried about violence ? Because they had all that violence in Clinton . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yes , they really were . Everybody in the South was worried about violence . And I think as a result , a lot of Oak Ridgers stepped up to try to minimize any violence that might crop up or to try to stop it before it happened , this type of thing . What happened in Clinton was bad , and what happened in Mississippi was terrible , and it just is completely against everything you believe in . If you have a Christian faith , you can 't possibly approve of that sort of thing . And I cannot imagine any of the Jewish faith wanting that sort of thing either , that they would be just as appalled as - I said this badly by saying Christian faith , but my experience is coming from what I think is the Christian faith , but my Jewish friends would likewise be just as appalled by that sort of thing . So I think Oak Ridge definitely stepped up to try to avoid anything like that and to make sure that Clinton was safe going to school here , in the old Linden School , like they could do , and that that was one of the better things that came out of it . Mrs . Osborne : Right , at the old Linden . The new Linden had just opened , and so the old Linden School was not being used at that point . So they came and used that for a year . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : I have a few more questions about when you first came to Oak Ridge and just going back to the war years before you came to Oak Ridge . When you came to Oak Ridge , were you very much aware of the activity of security personnel , the guards ? Did you see much military security around ? Mrs . Osborne : I don 't remember ever noticing them . I mean , I was a high school kid , and I didn 't notice that . I had no reason to . I 'd never been in any kind of trouble . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , my father always had a very large victory garden , and he was really good at growing all sorts of things , and my mother canned things and dried things . And that was before you had freezers , really , so you weren 't freezing things . Meat was rationed during the war , so I can remember - chicken was not , and I can remember they bought twenty - five slaughtered chickens and canned them one year , just in your big glass jars , so we used a lot of chicken that year . But Dad , yeah , Dad always had lots of tomatoes and corn and just your usual things . And it was out on the edge of town where he had the victory garden . Everybody was renting little spaces to have their gardens , and we would ride out there in the evening and pick and do different things . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's interesting . I didn 't realize people had them away from their homes . I always thought the victory garden would be at your house . Mrs . Osborne : No , no , it was bigger than that , than your backyard , so I mean you really were growing food . And we also collected the tinfoil from everywhere . If anybody saw a piece of tinfoil , you know , if somebody chewed a piece of gum , you automatically stripped the tinfoil off of it , and you always had a ball of tinfoil in your pocket or somewhere , in your purse , if you were a girl , and you just added that to the ball . And the same was true with string . Every little string , you wound it around . If anybody threw down a cigarette package , you immediately grabbed it up and the inside had tinfoil between the two paper layers , and so you stripped that off . But you saved every little bit this way . And the used cooking oil , saved for something . Mrs . Osborne : And I remember I got , one time , I managed to get a five pound bag of sugar for my mother for her birthday , without using - I didn 't have any rationing stamps , because my mother had all the ration books , and it was her birthday , and I was trying to get something that she would like , and I decided that a bag of sugar would be just perfect . I went to this little store where they knew me and knew my mother , and I asked them if I could possibly buy a bag of sugar , and somehow , I don 't know how , they let me have a bag of sugar , and I took it home and wrapped it up for mother 's birthday . She was tickled to death to get a five pound bag of sugar . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I 'm sure . My parents would have been extremely happy . I was what , about twelve ? Or less than that . Mrs . Osborne : Well , Dad worked for the Atomic Energy Commission here in Oak Ridge , and came in ' 49 and went to work for them as the assistant head of the Budget Division , and stayed until about ' 63 . In ' 63 , he was transferred to Las Vegas , to the Las Vegas office - which , I never knew AEC had a Las Vegas office until then . They were there for a couple of years and then he was transferred to the Panama Canal Zone to work on the feasibility of building a second Panama Canal . This was before the first Panama Canal had been turned over to Panama . They knew - the United States knew that we had to turn it over to Panama , and they were wondering , they were afraid about what was going to happen . So they got to thinking about , what about the feasibility of building a second one , so that we would always have one . So Dad and several men from Engineering in the Army were the group picked to study this , and so he and Mother moved to Panama . And everybody else that worked on this project was military , so they lived on the military base there , except my mother and father were not military , so they had to live off the base , and the other ladies would let Mother know about how much she was missing by not being able to use the clubs there and the groceries there and all this sort of thing , and [ they would remark ] , " What a shame your house has cracks in it so the bugs come through , " and all this . So , anyway , Mother didn 't like it at all , but Dad loved it . He loved being out in the jungle , and they were trying to find where they would build one . And so they were just back in the jungle a lot of the time , hiking and trying to decide where would be a place that they could do this and how much would it cost , what would be - and they came up with the fact that it would not be a feasible thing to do , so that was their recommendation , was to not do it . Mrs . Osborne : I know when I went back to school as an adult , I heard a young guys talking about - over at the college - I heard a young guy talking about how the cancer rate in Oak Ridge was so high . His aunt had cancer now , and that she said it was due to all the radiation and everything in Oak Ridge , that everybody was getting cancer . And I said I didn 't think they were . And so then you realize that if you try arguing with him , you 're not going to get anywhere , that , just be quiet and let him say whatever he wants to say , and that 's the only way to go , that he had already made up his mind and was very busy sharing this with the other people in the class , that Oak Ridgers just had more chance of getting cancer than people anywhere else . Mrs . Osborne : They used to do that when I worked at the museum here . They used to ask if I lived in Oak Ridge , and then if I had any children , and they they 'd try to phrase it as nicely as possible , " Were the children all right ? " " Did they have two heads ? " or something like this , so I assured them they were all fine . Mrs . Osborne : Well , it has very good health care . I guess the fact that Oak Ridge has more to offer in the way of entertainment . They have an excellent Playhouse , they have an excellent Symphony Orchestra , they have ballet , a couple of pretty good ballet companies . They can perform with the opera company in Knoxville .
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Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : It is September 25th , 2010 , and this is Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , the Coordinator for the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History interviewing Barbara Osborne in her home . Barbara , your family came to Oak Ridge from Michigan in 1949 . What was your family doing prior to arriving in Oak Ridge and why did you move to Oak Ridge ? Mrs . Osborne : We lived in Birmingham , Michigan , where my father worked either in Detroit or in Pontiac , depending on the office that he was in . After the war , the jobs were all given to the veterans , where he had not been allowed to go into the military because his work was too important , so he had to find another job . This is just - they said it wasn 't fair , but this sort of thing just happened . A friend of his who was in Oak Ridge wrote him and said come and apply for a particular job that was open here . So he came down , applied for the job , got it and came back and moved us to Tennessee . We had never - I had never been out of the state of Michigan before , so it was very different . I heard all sorts of wild tales from kids at school and wild tales about what Oak Ridge was going to be like : mud and people making booze in the bathtub . And part of this was true . Mud was true , but the other I never found . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : [ laughter ] What are your memories ? You came to Oak Ridge when you were in high school , and then right after you moved here , the city gates opened . What are your memories of the opening of the city gates and the parade ? Mrs . Osborne : Oh , huge crowds ! I think the only people that I know of that weren 't there were the rest of my family . I 'm the only one from my family that went to the parade , and I don 't know why they didn 't go . I guess they just didn 't want to get stuck in a crowd . But I went down , and I was standing in front of the old Jackson Square Post Office watching these movie stars go by , and they looked so glamorous , and it was just excitement . I had watched Queen for a Day , which you 're way too young to know about , so seeing Jack Bailey in person was really exciting , and of course Rod Cameron was every bit as gorgeous as he was on the screen , to say nothing of Marie McDonald , and she had a beautiful fur coat on . That was when it was okay to have a fur coat . So it was just really , really exciting . And the bands were good , and , you know , just everything , the whole atmosphere was just wonderful . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I 'd never heard a real southern accent before , and I 'd never heard an East Tennessee accent . And a lot of them had never heard a Michigan accent , which I had never thought of as being an accent . The first day I was in school here , I could not understand anything anybody said - any of the students said to me . I could understand the teachers , but I couldn 't understand the students . So when I was being shown around the school by one of the girls , I never did understand where she said the lunchroom was , and so the first day I went without eating lunch because I was too embarrassed to ask , try to ask anybody else , " Where do I go to find the cafeteria ? " Because I just simply couldn 't understand what they were saying to me , and I was scared to death , and you know , just your usual teenage angst I guess . Mrs . Osborne : Back then , not everybody had a car like they do now , because there wasn 't much of any place to go except the Snow White Drive - In , which was the headquarters for all dating purposes at that point . If you had a date , you usually wound up there getting something to eat , and if you didn 't have a date , you wound up there with friends , driving around to see who did have a date [ laughter ] , and that 's just where it was happening at this point , which is very - it 's so much like Happy Days , to be honest , and so peacefully innocent compared to today 's happenings , I think . If somebody drank , it was a big thing , not a common thing . You know , it was just , " Oh , what a terrible boy that must be . " You certainly never wanted to date anybody like that , where , I don 't know , standards seem to have changed a whole lot . Mrs . Osborne : Well , they brought it in with them , however they could . There were people that made regular runs over to North Carolina to try to furnish alcohol for a party , and they would cover up the stuff in their trunk however they could , hide it under spare tires , I don 't know . One of the stories was about hiding the bottles of liquor under a sleeping baby in a baby bed in the back seat of the car , and of course you didn 't want to disturb the baby by searching under there , so they managed - I don 't know if the child , how the child could sleep on top of it , but obviously it must have been well padded . And supposedly that really happened . But some people got caught and they got in serious trouble , and some people didn 't get caught . I imagine it depended on whoever was the guard at the gate or whether or not you happened to know the guard at the gate , you know , just all sorts of things go into this . Mrs . Osborne : There were buses , and it cost ten cents , and they went all over town , and you could transfer from one bus to another . So I could go home - I walked to school from where I lived , but I could go home with my friends by just having a dime and getting on the bus with them and go and spend the afternoon at someone 's home , even if they lived out on the west end of town . So that made it very simple . Mrs . Osborne : They did , yes . I did more of that when I became a senior in high school . I was extra young as a junior and probably the youngest person in the class , so my parents were very strict with me and I didn 't do a lot of that , but later on , yes , I can remember going to see Rock City , and going to Big Ridge , going swimming and being in a canoe that got turned over , and you know , the guy lost his shoes [ laughter ] , but he learned to never dive out of a canoe . Mrs . Osborne : And that 's where we had senior skip day back then . That was before it got dangerous . It 's probably in the last five year period before it got dangerous . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . So , that 's when the school started really , you know , everybody had to do - if you went anywhere , it was by bus with the whole group doing the same thing , and we went to Big Ridge for senior skip day . I remember senior skip day . I loved that place . It was a lot of fun back then . Mrs . Osborne : As a matter of fact , I was involved in Bridge Club , and I didn 't even know how to play bridge . I was involved in Maskers also ; I was in several plays , and scared to death to stand up in front of an audience , but determined to try to get over it . And I played the mother . Only one time did I ever get to play a romantic lead . The rest of the time , I was always cast as the mother or the friend or something like this . Mrs . Osborne : I really can 't . I can remember the name of - the only time that I played the romantic lead - who played opposite me , and that was the drum major at that time , Bob Barrett . And I remember my name when I was somebody 's mother . I was Mrs . Chickester . But what was the name of the play ? Mrs . Osborne : My father said , " Get a job . " And he , either he or my mother , found out that the drug store that they got their prescriptions filled at , Elm Grove Drug Store , was looking for a counter clerk , and so I went down there and applied for a job , and they hired me , and I worked there that summer , and if ever a job made you appreciate what a college education could do for you , that was it . It was so hot ; there was no air conditioning , and you were on your feet the whole time and busy the whole time you were there . I was the soda jerk . I made wonderful milkshakes and sodas and , you know , all kinds of things . And [ I was ] very carefully watched by the man who owned the store to make sure I didn 't put an extra scoop of ice cream in any of my friends ' things . So , you know , I was honest to a T , absolutely , or honest to a fault , I guess is the term . And he wound up really liking me and asking my parents as I went off to college , you know , " When is Barbara coming home ? I want her to work on such - and - such a weekend ; I 'm having a sale , " or , " When , " you know , " Can she come back then ? Can she work over Christmas ? " This type of thing . So he liked me and I liked the fact that I didn 't have to do that for a living . Mrs . Osborne : Just turned seventeen during the summer . So off I went to Tennessee Wesleyan , and the minister , our minister from First Methodist Church took me and got me registered . He got my parents to say - give me permission to go . And moved into this very old dorm with a dried up little old lady dorm mother , and I wound up becoming the only - there were only two of us that started - we started in the winter quarter , because it took the minister that long to get my parents to give me permission to go . They just didn 't want me to leave that soon . And so only two of us started school in the winter quarter . So she was my roommate , the other girl , and she lasted two weeks and went home . So I was the only person in the entire school with no roommate , and that 's kind of a lonesome way to be . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : So what was that like ? Did you live in your room , or did you have a sleeping porch ? What was that like ? Mrs . Osborne : No , you lived in your room , and the rules there were very different from what they are now . Your parents had to sign a paper saying you could get in a car or you couldn 't get in a car . My parents refused to sign saying I could get in a car , so therefore I was not allowed to ride with anybody anywhere . They also - the dorm mother came around and made sure that you - or tried to make sure that you cleaned your room every week , and that your bed was made every day , and I was one of the biggest problems , because I decided to rebel on all the things I had been taught at home , and never make the bed and never clean the room . My parents got quite a few phone calls that year about their rebellious daughter [ laughter ] . But I joined the Tennessee Wesleyan Choir , and got some absolutely marvelous experience there and wonderful praise from the choir director , who was a real stickler . He kept saying things like , " If there are any more altos like you in Oak Ridge , send them to me ! " So I really enjoyed that and we did different shows . I worked in Maskers there at Wesleyan . The choir went on choir trips singing at churches around in different parts of Tennessee . We sang with the Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra on Beethoven 's 9th Symphony . What else did we do , things that were big time for me at that point ? It was just lots of fun . Oh , yeah , we put on Sigmund Romberg 's The Desert Song , and I learned to love Sigmund Romberg 's music through that , which I still have , a love for his music . But that was a terrific experience , the music part . And I started taking Botany because my father insisted I had to take a science ; I had to major in a science . So that was my way of rebelling against , you know , not taking any of the , what I consider the harder sciences , Chemistry or Biology or something . Botany , I was doing it my way , which is very silly . There were no jobs in botany , or at least very few , but I didn 't really care ; I was just having fun . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds like it . So after college , you moved back to Oak Ridge and got a job here . Where did you work and what was it like to work there ? Mrs . Osborne : I actually didn 't finish college . My father had me drop out after two years because I failed typing . I couldn 't stay awake ; it was at eight o ' clock in the morning , and I didn 't go to bed early enough to . I would just be so bored I would sit there and go to sleep with my hands on the keyboard . You don 't pass doing things like that . So he was really upset with me after being an extremely good scholar all my life , to fail a typing course . And so he made me go to Knoxville Business College and get a steno degree and then get a job . So after - I spent a year or nine months over in Knoxville , going to Knoxville Business College , hating every minute of it , and then I applied at the plants , which were run by Union Carbide at that point , and they started giving me all kinds of tests when I went in for filling out - I took the usual typing test and shorthand and then they started having me take some other tests , and I could not understand why . Then they called me to say I had been hired to work at X - 10 to be a computer operator on the first computer to be in the Southeast . I had no idea what they were talking about , because I 'd never heard of a big computer - a little handheld calculator , maybe , or a tabletop calculator , not handheld back then , but not a computer . And I went home and told my father and mother this and my father just about jumped out of his chair , he was so excited , because he knew all about this . Being in the Budget Division of AEC , he knew what the thing had cost and all about the logistics of it , the whole thing , and he just thought that was the most exciting thing and the fact that his daughter was going to be working on it , which was the most exciting thing he ever heard of . So I was hired to be a computer operator on the ORACLE , which was the first large computer in the entire Southeast . It was built in Argonne and then shipped down to X - 10 for the Math Panel at that point , and for the rest of the people at the lab to use , but it was going to be run by the Math Panel . ADr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds a little frustrating . Mrs . Osborne : It was frustrating , but that 's how everything starts . And it was exciting . I loved it . I loved learning about it , I loved working on it , and the more I worked on it , the more I wanted to do , so I wound up finally not being an operator . They hired some young men for that , and I was changed to becoming a programmer for the ORACLE . Now , the ORACLE stood for Oak Ridge Automatic Computer and Logical Engine . That 's O - R - A - C - L - E , yeah . And that 's what it stood for , and that was before FORTRAN , before any of the early languages . So people out there were writing subroutines ; we were shifting binary bits back and forth to do everything , to do additions , subtractions , multiplications , writing little routines to accomplish what people later accomplished in one word or one bit or this type of thing . So it was a very exciting time , and I thoroughly enjoyed a lot of that . Met a lot of people . Mrs . Osborne : Well , in my office , it was quiet , but when I worked on the computer , I was sitting at the console of this enormous machine that was probably , golly , I don 't think it was as big as a football field , but it was close to it , and it was just banks and banks and banks of these cathode ray tubes , with this enormous console in front of it . At least compared to what they are now , it was enormous . And where you 're flipping all kinds of little toggle switches and doing all sorts of things , and you 're working with all the best minds in the laboratory who were coming to put problems on and doing different things . And you 're sitting in front of a huge , great big plate glass window , which , seeing as I was twenty - one and single was kind of exciting , because everybody that I worked with had a single friend , it seemed like , and they were all walking by with their single friends and saying , " Would you like to meet her ? " So it was like being in show business almost . Mrs . Osborne : I was the only one right then , yes , for the first year . Now , there were women on the Math Panel , but they were definitely mathematicians , and I was not a mathematician at that point . I just sort of moved into that later . And evidently it was the test that they gave me that showed that I could do this or could handle it , that this was one of my strengths , so I always thought , how nice , had no idea what I was doing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , well , a lot of air conditioning . Very , very definitely a lot of air conditioning . And they checked whole banks of the tubes every single morning . The computer was down every morning for maintenance , and they would discover that something - there 'd been one tube blinking the day before , so who knows . At first it didn 't even run at night , you know , there wasn 't the need for it . And then as they began to find more uses for it and more uses for it , they started doing things at night out there , and I can remember riding out there at night with some physicists to help them with their programs , run them , and getting stopped by some of the , well , they were the guards there back by the plants , because physicists were not necessarily great drivers , the ones that were really good at some of the other things , at least these particular ones . They were brilliant men , and I 'm not saying that about all physicists , but we used to , as a young woman , we used to group them . Physicists were the ones that walked into doors and walked into people and this type of thing . Mrs . Osborne : And I married a physicist who never walks into doors or walks into people . I thought he was an engineer because he was just so neat and everything . But , yeah , we used to definitely pigeonhole the guys that walked down the hall to get coffee : " Oh yeah , that 's a chemist , you can tell , " or you 'd see him hit that wall , " He 's a physicist , " or - this sort of thing . It was a good place to be young . Mrs . Osborne : Well , the head of the Math Panel was a well known mathematician who wrote books and whatnot , Austin Householder , and he was one of the shyest men you 've ever seen in your life . He might have been a brilliant mathematician ; he was a brilliant mathematician . I can remember trying to read something that he had written one time and just , it was so far over my head , it was ridiculous . So he was definitely brilliant . But then there was a - several , what I would call big time - they became like vice presidents or assistant directors of the lab or something like this . I did meet Alvin Weinberg a time or two . And then there was Bob Sharpie , who was an assistant director , and he was an interesting man . He wound up becoming the head of some big company here in the United States , and , you know , multi - millionaire type person , becoming very well known . But at that point , he was just , what I thought was an extremely egotistical , hard to get along with person , who was an authority on a lot of things . And there was a program going on on television at that time called The $ 64 , 000 Question . There was a young high school girl who was on this show who was doing very , very well , and I can 't remember what her exact deal was , that you picked the field you want the questions in . When you got to the $ 64 , 000 question , which was the top one , you could have an authority come in and help you with it , and she picked Bob Sharpie to be her authority to come in . So we were - everybody in Oak Ridge was glued to the T . V . , if they had one back then , to watch that . And they won the $ 64 , 000 , she did . So he invited her and her parents to come and tour X - 10 , and I have a picture of them . And she 's just a normal looking girl , wearing glasses , everything - but obviously she was going to wind up being extremely good at whatever science she went into , and I never knew whatever happened to her . I hope she was a real success . But it was interesting to see , you know . Mrs . Osborne : First week . We were taking a bus - there was a bus that ran out to the lab - and so because you didn 't have a car you rode the bus . And when I went down to the bus stop , there were two of my friends from high school waiting for the same bus . So we were standing there talking and up came this nice young man to talk to one of the girls that I 'd gone to school with , and she introduced him to me , and it turned out that he was dating her at that point , or had had a couple of dates with her . And I thought he was really cute . And that was how I met him . And then we had all been asked to be ushers at an Oak Ridge Playhouse play later in the week , so we decided , well , we would - definitely none of us have a date for that , we would all do something together afterwards . So my parents dropped me off at the play . Actually the plays were at the Oak Ridge High School Auditorium right then , which was the old one up on Kentucky Avenue , and when I got there , I found out every other - there were four of us as usherettes at that point - the other three had each gotten a date . I 'm the only one that turned a date down and didn 't have one . So they were all going somewhere afterwards and I was not . Fortunately , friends of my parents were there at the play and gave me a ride home . But Morris always said - Morris was the date for this one girl , and he always said he felt so sorry for me standing there that he decided he wanted to ask me for a date . So I think I was his pity date [ laughter ] . Mrs . Osborne : But he never would ask me for a date far enough in advance . He would , you know , say , " How about could you go out , " he 'd call on Friday , " Could you go out with me on Monday night ? " Well , I already had a date Monday night . He had to call earlier than that . So after he asked me twice for a date and I turned him down each time , he said he wasn 't going to call me again , but I suggested what about such - and - such a night , when I was free , and so we went out then and that was the start of something that never stopped . By the fourth date , I knew that he was going to be the one that was going to - I was going to fall in love with him and make a big difference in my life . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , he was president of the Young Adult Fellowship at First Methodist Church , and I had always been very active in church . I was going to Kern Methodist Church at that point because it was closer to my home . So we had that and the fact that we both worked at X - 10 and we were both going to school at night and we both liked to go to the swimming pool . We did a lot of going to the swimming pool on weekends , and going up to the Smokies and driving around or hiking or both , having picnics on weekends , also . And we were both small town . In fact , he was even smaller : he 'd lived on a farm all his life . So it was definitely a reciprocating thing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , it was a very small wedding . Morris was in the process of doing some experiments with his job in solid state physics at that point , so we had to time the wedding between experiments . Because when an experiment was running , somebody had to be out there with it at night , and because the other people that were working on it all had families , he was the one that would be out with it at night . And a new husband doesn 't necessarily want to be spending the night out with an experiment . So we got married on a weekend that was at the end of one experiment and before the next one started , so we could have a honeymoon in there . And we had a very small wedding at Kern Methodist Church at eleven o ' clock in the morning , because that was before air conditioned churches , and it was in July and hot as blazes . Everything stuck to you because it was just so hot . It was mainly the people I worked with and the people he worked with and some of the people from church and friends of my parents and a few of our friends , mutual friends , and we had a reception downstairs , with just cake and punch and nuts and mints . That 's what used to be - you know , I can remember it cost ten dollars for the flowers . It cost ten dollars for the cake , because the lady that made the cake was just going into the business and that 's what she charged for this lovely cake . And a friend went over to Farmer 's Market and bought the flowers over in Knoxville and then decorated the church with them and then carried them downstairs for the reception . And I mean , it was - we got married - I used to say we got married on a dime and that was just about it . So , that 's why we had a big fiftieth wedding anniversary , because we had such a small wedding . But it certainly lasted . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , they threw the paper chad from the tapes , from all - typing all those tapes for the computer . They 'd been bagging up all those tiny , tiny little bits of paper that came out , and they were sort of a greasy paper , oily , and they had bags full of the stuff . It looked like it was just pouring rain when they were throwing this . And it got - the best man drove us away from the wedding in his mother 's car , and the car just got plastered with this stuff , and his mother never could get it completely cleaned out . [ laughter ] She wound up trading cars , I understand . And I was wearing a big white lace hat when I left on the honeymoon , and it was just full of these bits of little tiny round bits of paper chad , you know . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . Let 's see , when the children - we had three children , and I quit work when I was expecting the first child because I was having a lot of problems , so - and at that time , you stayed home with your children . You didn 't go back to work unless you were really an expert at something . And I was certainly not an expert at anything . So I stayed home as a mother , and then sixteen months later I had a second child , and then three years later I had a third child . So I was pretty busy . I stayed home until the third child went off to school . So when he went to school , I went back to work as an instructional aide at Linden School , was hired by the principal there that had been there for many , many years , and was just a wonderful lady . Mrs . Osborne : Around ' 65 , ' 66 , something like that . And so I worked there half - time as an instructional aide , so I was home when the children were home , and I could either drive them to school or pick them up from school and bring them home depending on whether I worked mornings or afternoons . I worked in third grade at least three of the years , and I worked in sixth grade one year . Got to go to Tremont with the sixth graders and teach crafts , which was - that was a wonderful week . It was one of the most enjoyable weeks of my life . I 'd been to Tremont as a mother , but to go as an instructor was even more fun . So I did that and I left Linden School because my husband was picked by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission to go to Germany as a guest scientist for two years to work at Kernforschungszentrum outside of Karlsruhe , West Germany . And so we moved the three children and our dog over there for two years , which was not an easy thing to do at that point . Our oldest son was a senior at high school , our daughter was a sophomore , and our youngest child was sixth grade . Mrs . Osborne : This was , you know , we went over in 1975 , so yeah . I 'm sorry , I must have gone back to work - I did not go back to work when I said I did . I must have gone back to work about ' 70 . Ah , okay , that makes a difference , yeah , sorry about that . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's all right . Was it hard to - you said you brought your dog over to Germany . Was that hard to do back then , or was it easy ? Mrs . Osborne : If you brought an animal in , it would be put to death . And so we were just terrified about what was going to happen to our dog , which - he was a member of our family , definitely . We 'd had his mother before him and had him since he was born . And I can remember when we got off the plane in London , we could see his crate being unloaded , and we were just sitting in there watching to see what they were going to do with it . And when we saw it go onto the plane going to Germany , that was such a relief . I don 't know what we would have done if they hadn 't done that . But they were having an outbreak of rabies in England at the time , and that 's why they had just shut down everything completely . But that was terrifying . And the children were already so upset about going that that 's all they needed was to find out that the dog might be missing when we got there . And there were people - when we got to Germany , I remember seeing , there were some animal crates going around , empty , on the carousel . Fortunately , ours still had a dog in it . Mrs . Osborne : And he was so glad to get out of there . But that was the hardest - they would not , back then , they wouldn 't allow animals up in the plane . He had to be down in baggage , which was not heated really or air conditioned or - you know , it was just really , really bad . So we were lucky he survived . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , very much so . Our dog had so many friends over there . We had friends that Morris knew from work there that wanted to keep him for every trip we went on , and we would come back - he was a dachshund , just a regular sized dachshund , and we tried to keep him fairly sleek , because they do have back troubles , and every time we came back from a trip , he would be just like a football . Mrs . Osborne : Stuffed to the gills , round as all get out , and have garlic breath from all the wurst that they 'd been feeding him . He just loved those German friends and they loved him . Oh boy , " He is just such a good dog , he just loves staying with us . " Yes , he did . He got spoiled rotten . And we 'd have to run him all over the place to get him slimmed down again , get him back on dog food . And , " I don 't know why you feed him dog food . He really likes salami better . " Well , yes , he does . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , the weather . It got dark so early . It would be , in the wintertime , it would be dark - by the time our children got off the school bus , it was already dark . So playing outside , there wasn 't any such thing . And it was dark when they left for school in the morning . Just all kinds of things like this . And where we were , we didn 't have a lot of snow . The temperature 's something like Oak Ridge , except a little bit more - it rained every single day , and you didn 't have the sunny days . Like , Oak Ridge is wonderful in that we have these beautiful sunny days in the middle of winter that just restores your faith in humanity and life . Everybody needs this , and in Germany you did not have this . It was just gray , day after day after day . Of course they had lots of celebrations and lots of parties and Fasching was huge , huge . Fasching was a time of parades everywhere and lots of people dressing up and we went to special Fasching parades and villages over there where they had people all dressed up in these very old masks , witch masks , wooden ones , and went around dressed as witches and poked their brooms at the dog - you took your dog everywhere in Germany - and would give out candy to the children , you know , scare them and then give them candy , this type of thing . Everything was just so different and it was so clean over there ; it was wonderful . You were responsible for keeping the street in front of your house clean , and I was responsible for keeping the stairs and the landing - we were on the second floor of a house , where we were living , and I was responsible for keeping that mopped . Now , some things were very , very hard . The German washing machines back then - this was in the days of polyester , and a lot of our clothes were polyester , and the German washing machines started with cold water , heated the water up to boiling , took like two hours to do a load and sort of boiled the clothes , so what happened to polyester was terrible . We did not ever buy a German washing machine . We wound up Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . So did your children enjoy school in Germany and did they learn German ? Mrs . Osborne : Our daughter did and our youngest son wound up enjoying it . Our oldest son did not . He just couldn 't make it . We had assured him that if he would just try , that if he couldn 't make the switch , we would send him back to graduate with his class here , because he was a senior in high school . And he just could not make the change . So we sent him back to Oak Ridge by himself just about New Year 's . He had to be back for a whole semester in order to graduate with his class at Oak Ridge High School . So some friends of ours that had a daughter his age had said he could stay with them . He didn 't know them that well , but he came back and stayed with them . It was very , very hard on him . I would never do that again . I don 't know how we would handle it if it ever came up again , but that was , for him , it was a bad , bad year . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , it is too bad . The other two wound up making a switch . Linda wound up becoming very good in German and Paul wound up enjoying himself . Now they were going to an American school on the Army base . We had promised them - there was no school that taught in English around there , and we only had six weeks notice that we were going to be going , moving over , so we had no time to learn the language ahead of time . So we had assured them that they would be going to a school where they would be taught in English . So they went to a military school , which was a terrible school . It was not a good one at all . After going to the Oak Ridge schools , it was a real , real letdown . The first class we ever took our oldest son into , it was an English class , and there were guys sitting in there reading comic books , getting credit for reading comic books , and David had been in advanced classes at Oak Ridge High School . Mrs . Osborne : So the teacher just said to us , " Get him out of here as fast as you can ; send him home . " So that 's another reason that he wound up going home . So he did okay scholastically , but emotionally it was just really not good . He was too young to be away from the family . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . It was not easy . They spoke English to him and spoke German to each other , so that he had to really learn fast and try to get really good in order to know what was going on , and it was not easy for him , either . We were the first of several families that were sent over for this project , and it was a project to have the - like , Morris was supposed to be working with people over there who were working on the same type of thing that he had been working on here at the lab , so that they didn 't have to duplicate the same experiments and whatnot . They could share information back and forth , which obviously makes sense financially as well as other ways , so that 's what it was all about , and we learned a whole lot by being over there , found out how insulated we had been living in our little puddle here in Oak Ridge , that we thought we were big time stuff because there were people here from all over the world and actually we weren 't all that big time stuff . When you get out in the world , you find out . So we learned a lot of different - did lots and lots of traveling , went to Holland and Belgium and Spain and Egypt and Italy , and we have all the usual things : got robbed in Italy , got sick in Spain . And went to Czechoslovakia , which was a closed - in country back then and that was on a - actually , we joined a military tour , or one that was sponsored by the officers ' wives club , this sort of thing , so it was very inexpensive . And did the same thing - went to London . I took the kids and went to London for three or four days and went to the ballet and just did all kinds of - the museums and whatnot . Just did a lot of things so that they had all kinds of advantages over people that never get to do any of these things . And I had all kinds of advantages this way . I loved the traveling . I loved going to different castles and seeing all the churches and the age of the cities . Like , they 'd be having their thousand year anniversary . And that 's when the United States was having its two - hundredth . Mrs . Osborne : We were having a really big celebration and everything , and Elvis Presley died while we were over there , and that was a big thing in Germany , too . I was just amazed at how much the Germans loved him . But he had been in Germany when he was in the military . And I was in a German American woman 's club in which we had a little cooking group of eight ladies , and we took turns cooking . The American ladies would cook one month and the German ladies would cook the next month , and then exchange recipes and whatnot . Jimmy Carter was elected president while we were over there and he had cheese grits . Well , they had never heard of cheese grits , and they wanted to know what they were , so we fixed a brunch for the ladies in our group , the German ladies , in which we fixed cheese grits and sausage balls and eggs and this sort of thing , like you would have a southern - and biscuits and whatnot . And they did things like - everything that they did had lots of liquor in it . We had Black Forest cake , which has a whole bottle of Kirschwasser in it , which is , whoa , that stuff burns all the way down . I think you could light the cake on fire . Mrs . Osborne : And just lots of things like that , and had some of the most wonderful mushroom soup that they made one time , just some things that you would never have had an opportunity to try otherwise , just heavenly . And you learned what some of the customs were . Anytime you have a coffee over there , you end the coffee by serving something alcoholic just before you send everybody home , which is not what 's done in this country . Mrs . Osborne : And we were always scared to death that we would get stopped by the police on the way home . But you couldn 't insult them by saying no . At least we never would have done that . Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Yeah . But they appreciated finding out some of these things . And we had just a regular picnic for them one time with hotdogs and hamburgers and potato salad and the whole thing , just as they were trying to do typical dishes for us that they would use . So it was fun exchanging . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I was very restless when I came back and I had been to so many wonderful , wonderful museums , that I thought , I want to work for a museum . So I went down here to what was then the American Museum of Atomic Energy , which is now the American Museum of Science and Energy , and I got a job . And the longer I worked there , the more responsibility they gave me . I started out working in the gift shop and working as a - doing one or two of the little audience shows that they had . I did the genetics show with the animals , and then I wound up - they were giving me more things to read and more things to read and wound up doing one on reactors . I think I told you that when I found out that I had this physics class from Harvard in my audience one day around the reactors , I decided , oh boy , you better get back to school if you 're going to answer questions from people like this . So that 's when I decided to go back to school , and I went back to UT and started after twenty - five years of being out of school , just signed up for a full load . I continued working at the museum the first year and then I had to quit because I just had too many labs and everything to have time for that . So I went back for two years , loved it , just loved going back to school , because that 's one of those things you get your pats on the back , just right away . Here 's your grades . You 're either doing well or you 're not doing well , you know , you have something . It 's so different from being a housewife and always sort of wondering , " Did they really like that meal ? " Because the one that didn 't is going to tell you about it , but if they did like it , they 're not necessarily going to say anything . Going back to school is really a positive experience ; it was for me . And I really enjoyed being around the kids . They treated me like I was practically one of them . They loved to borrow my notes because I took very good notes and much better than they did , and they like to study with me for exams and stuff . Mrs . Osborne : Well , actually , no . It had been twenty - five years , and I just - actually it had been thirty years since I had done that , and I had never really used my shorthand , so no , I really couldn 't do that . But I certainly was really good at other things , and I just took things that I enjoyed and wound up getting my degree in Botany and doing some lab work for one of the botanists over there that was a lot of fun . I mean , it was a lot of work , too , but it was fun to do it . I thoroughly enjoyed it . I wound up trying to grow a strain of something or other and when she , my professor , examined what I had been carefully - every time , every week - dividing and spreading out on another Petri dish and dividing and this sort of thing , she found I was growing an absolutely terrible strain of staph [ Staphylococcus ] . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : But I 'd done it well . So , I said , " How could I have gotten that ? " And she said , " Well , everybody has staph on their body . " Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . And even though you 're running your hands under these lights to - you know , you 're washing and everything and then you 're running them under the special lights before you 're putting them under the hood to work and everything . But evidently I 'd gotten a staph bug in there . But she caught it and no harm done . And I had certainly learned the procedure even though I hadn 't grown the right thing . So that was interesting . Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Ah , yes , a student like me is really - oh , and I 'd learned - one of the really exciting things that I did , we had a lady professor , assistant professor , that taught one of my lab courses that specialized in spiders . So she was going to have us specialize in spiders that quarter . We had to go out in this field when it was all wet with dew and whatnot and try to trap spiders , crawling around on our hands and knees . And I thought , if my bridge club could only see me now : I 'm out here crawling around in the mud trying to find spiders , which I absolutely hate and trap them in this little glass jar and then dot them with a dot of color . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : We had started out in a babysitting club together with our children way back when I had the first child . We didn 't have grandmothers and people around that could babysit , and so a lot of the mothers banded together , like , twenty - five , thirty mothers would band together into a babysitting club , and took turns keeping the books . A different woman kept the books every month and you took calls from people who wanted a sitter and calls from people who were available to sit , and you matched them up this way . And if you used a sitter for three hours , you had to sit for somebody for three hours . And so it didn 't cost you anything . You had a well - trained mother that was sitting with your children , so you didn 't have to worry about them , and back then this was just really important , because everybody was getting by on as little as possible and wanting a good sitter , so this is what we did . And so I had met Connie in this , and we had formed a bridge club way back then . Well , she said they needed a clerk at the library and why didn 't I come and interview . So I did . And I didn 't want to be a library clerk per se , but then she explained that probably the circulation supervisor would be leaving within the year and they thought I might be interested in that job and that the experience of being a clerk for six , eight months would certainly stand me in good stead , seeing as I didn 't have a library degree . So I did that . I worked as a clerk , and then I became the circulation supervisor , and was that for like ten years . And that was my - and then I had to retire because I 'd worn out my knees at that point , particularly one knee . I was on crutches at that point . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I learned how tough it is to tell people they have to pay for overdue books when the reason their books are overdue is because their husband had checked them out and then had died . And I was not allowed - because the money went in - all the overdue monies went into the City general fund . I was not allowed to forgive a single nickel of an overdue thing . And that is so hard to find out the reason these are overdue is because " I didn 't even think about the fact that , you know , we had these out when John died . " And of course you would normally say , " Well , don 't worry about it ; we 're just happy to have them back . " Nope , I had to charge . That was really hard . And then there was the day that there was this nice young man that was obviously going to college and didn 't have much when he came in and he had his backpack , and he started taking these books out of his backpack , putting them up on the counter , bringing them back , and as he did , these huge roaches went crawling off , just running off from these books . Mrs . Osborne : I didn 't want those roaches running around the library . And I had to take the book back and wash it well , but we had plastic on it . He was so embarrassed . Mrs . Osborne : So that was one of my memorable moments . And then there was the man who brought a book back in a plastic bag and said , " I think you might want to throw this away . " And I 'm saying , " Why would I want to throw the book away ? " [ He said ] , " Well , it 's not a good book . I don 't think you want to have it . " [ I said ] , " I don 't think we have the right to judge whether a book is a good book or not . " [ He said ] , " Well I still think you ought to throw it away . " I kept trying to find out why , and finally it turned out that it was because he had dropped it in something very , very bad and had tried to wash it off somewhat , put it in the plastic bag and brought it back . Needless to say , we threw it away . Mrs . Osborne : People are more fun . And then there were all sorts of just lovely people that came in that I hadn 't seen for years : people I 'd gone to high school with , people that had been friends of my parents , just lots of wonderful , wonderful people that it was such a pleasure to see and to renew acquaintance with and to help . And they love the library . Oak Ridgers really use their library a tremendous amount . It 's very , very important to them . And it 's a very good library , frankly . And I know you want to hear about the man with the shoe fetish . Mrs . Osborne : It was a nice young man who had some mental problems that I had never heard of before . I had never heard of a shoe fetish before . And he pigeonholed me one day back in the stacks asking me to help him find something . And while we were back in the stacks , he started admiring my shoes and saying he 'd " love to get some like that for his mother and what kind were they ? " And I couldn 't remember what kind they were , so I , being very accommodating , pulled one off to see what the brand was , at which point he grabbed it out of my hand , and then I had to try to get the shoe back from him , and that 's when I realized something was wrong . And I was so embarrassed . I finally got my shoe back and went running back into the back room and told somebody about it , and everyone started laughing . And I had just met the man with the shoe fetish . And evidently , most everybody had met him sooner or later there and I had just run into him . He never did anything terrible ; he just liked shoes . And it was embarrassing , very embarrassing . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : About the same number that work there now , I think . I don 't think they 've been able to add or subtract much of anybody since I was there . It was not computerized at that point , so there were a lot of mundane jobs that had to be done , like we had to put date due cards in every single book that was checked out , book , record , whatever . And we had to every - that 's when people were checking out lots of records . And we had to check every single record when it came back in to see if it had been scratched or warped or something or other , because , it 's amazing , the number of people who didn 't understand that the LP records , if you left them in a car , even for ten or fifteen minutes , would warp . Mrs . Osborne : And they would have to pay for them then because the library , obviously , had paid for them . So a lot of things that took a lot longer to do back then - we had to take a book card out of the pocket , back pocket , of every book , so that we knew what was checked out and what wasn 't checked out , because now you can just , you know , key it into the computer and " Oh , oh yeah , that book 's checked out , " you know , " And it 's due back a week from Wednesday " or something . Well , then , we couldn 't . We would have to go through all of these cards . So we had cards that had to be alphabetized every single morning , and it was from all the things that had been checked out the day before . So you alphabetized them , and then you worked them in with the other cards . And so if you were not able to alphabetize , you couldn 't work at the library . That was one of the tests that was given to every page , every clerk , everyone that went to work there . And it 's amazing the number of young people that could not alphabetize . So being a page at the Oak Ridge Public Library was a real leg up also . That was a good job . It was hard , and if you were a good page , you were capable of doing almost anything in life . That 's the amazing thing about it . Because you had to be able to work with people , get along with people , you had to be able to do things quickly , you had to be able to be very agreeable and just - taking the truckloads of books out and putting them in the right place . Every once in a while , we would find that we had just all kinds of books out of place , and we would find we had a page who was being lazy . They were just taking them out and just sticking them somewhere , which involved , then , either my retraining , talking to them about changing their way or else firing them , one or the other , depending on what they were willing to do . And we had volunteers that came in that helped put the books up also , and every once in a while we would have a volunteer that absolutely could not put them in the right place . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : How many pages and volunteers did you manage ? Mrs . Osborne : I had eleven people under me , of which - they were - all the clerks were under me plus all of the five pages were under me . So , six clerks and five pages , and that 's the most , like my boss only had one person under her and that was me . And the head of reference only had the reference librarians under her . Because the pages change every year , I was always going through training and retraining , which meant I was working late , night after night , because the pages didn 't come to work till like five o ' clock , and I got off at 5 : 30 . Well , if you 're training somebody , you have to be around . So I put in lots of extra time doing that . Mrs . Osborne : It was , it was . I enjoyed it , though . I liked a lot of it . I disliked some of it . I disliked the autonomy , I guess , the fact that you didn 't have the right to be as understanding as you would like to be . And for me that was hard . As I said I was definitely a square peg in a round hole when it came to that . But it takes all kinds to make a good library , I think . Mrs . Osborne : The people , working with the people , seeing them , trying to please them , trying to help them find what they wanted , what they needed , help the kids get the help that they needed for different papers , this sort of thing . I was constantly amazed by damage that people would do to books . I had never known that some people would cut pages out of reference books to avoid paying ten cents to make a copy of a page , that they would just deliberately go back in the stacks and do this sort of thing . I had never known that people would take the expensive tables that you have down there , special ones , and carve things in them , so that you wind up having to buy these special heavy Plexiglas tops for all of them to keep them from being ruined . Just a lot of things like this . I just did not realize that you had people like that . Mrs . Osborne : Guess I grew up in a very small , little , little group of not doing things like this , so I was just amazed at some of the things . Every time somebody got something stolen , I was shocked . I actually threw one young man out one night who was being just terrible . He was a guy that had been a big star at Oak Ridge High School in football , but he 'd never really learned to write his name , and he 'd been in special ed classes all along , so he could print his first name and the first initial of his last name , and that was it . So he liked to hang out in the library . But by this time , he was in his twenties , and he was drinking heavily , and he would come in and want to use the phone . And that 's not a thing you normally do is let people - you certainly can 't leave somebody in the back workroom at night by themselves using the phone . You have to stay by them . So it turns out his important phone call was to a girl he was trying to get a date with for the night . So I told him he had to get off the phone , and he kept on talking and I kept telling him to get off the phone . I finally just cut him off , at which point I thought he was going to hit me , he was so astonished that I would do that . And I beat him to the punch in that I just pointed my finger at him and said , " Get out of here right now . Don 't you come back here tonight . " I was so angry at him because he - I was so busy out at the front desk and he 's taking my time to be back there to try to talk a girl into letting him come over . And he said that was more important , so anyway , he left . And I thought afterwards , my gosh , he could have really hurt me if he 'd wanted to . So that was pretty dumb on my part . Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know . I did not ask them . They invited me back as a volunteer to do the same work that I had been doing , and I went back a time or two , and then I thought , wait a minute , this is kind of dumb . If I could not work here because my knees were so bad for pay , why am I coming back as a volunteer to do the very same work ? So I decided I would do something else . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I went back to doing a lot of the volunteer work that I used to do . I had always done lots of volunteer work at different things . I had always - well , I 'd taught swimming for the Red Cross for years , enjoyed that thoroughly . I taught the swimming badge for the Boy Scouts , lifesaving badge for the Boy Scouts , taught different classes at church . For the last fifteen years , I 've been leading classes in helping people find their spiritual gifts that God has given them , which has been just one of the most exciting things to do imaginable , and leading other small groups . I 'm a very strong believer in that to have a deep faith in God , you need to belong to a small group , that people help sustain you , help you sustain your faith and support you in all kinds of things . And not everyone is fortunate enough to have a group of friends or people like this . And that 's what small groups do . And so studying and deepening your faith while you are making these relationships or carving out these relationships makes it doubly precious and really sustains you for years in everything you do . It 's been very helpful for me . Mrs . Osborne : Nope , no , they always had lots of volunteers and I always thought I would go back there . I did do the voice for one of their Oak Ridge shows way back . I was on recording there . Mrs . Osborne : It was a slide show . I 'm sorry , it was a slide show that they did with the voice going along with it , and the voice that went with it was me . And that went for quite a few years before they changed shows . So now they have professional people that do that , and I have never been a professional voice person . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I also sing . I used to . Since I quit working down there . I discovered that I 'd always wanted to be a torch singer and I love singing some of the old love songs : Gershwin , Cole Porter , and just a lot of the songs from the Second World War and just a lot of things like this I like . There are needs for this in some of the retirement centers and at the Keystone group down here , which is the daycare center for people with problems . Music stays with people longer than any other kind of memory . Singing some of the old songs brings back all kinds of things for them , and I love doing it . We were having cabarets at church also almost every year for a while when we would be putting on a dinner . And then eventually we wound up not doing a dinner ; we did just delicious homemade desserts and the show , and selling tickets . So I did a lot of this . I did a little directing and a lot of singing and this type of thing , and then I sang at the Daily Grind , which was a coffee house here in Oak Ridge , and that was fun . Mrs . Osborne : Right , right . They 're in the corner at Jackson Square . Yeah , I used to do that on Friday night once in a while . And , you know , you 'd end up singing for three hours straight , and that takes a little training to be able to do . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , that 's neat . You know , you were here during the sixties , and I think that Margaret Mead came here in the sixties . Is that right ? Mrs . Osborne : You know , she , bless her heart , she just had to be critical of things , and that 's a good point . But a lot of people wound up getting their parents to move here after they had children and said they were staying on here . After their parents retired , their parents wound up moving here and retiring to help take care of their grandchildren and whatnot . But , yeah , I remember she was not - she didn 't seem to find as much joy in Oak Ridge or pride in it as we all thought she should . And then there was a doctor - who was the doctor from Georgia that I used to go to ? Mrs . Osborne : Dr . Greenblatt , from Georgia . He was a specialist in hormones , and Carbide actually had him come up and talk to all the wives that would go to hear him , about how to go through difficult times in your life , go through menopause or whatnot , or how to help your children out if they were having hormone problems or this type of thing , and he came up , and that 's where I went to hear him . And he was very far out as far as most people were concerned . He believed in having not just shots , hormone shot , or taking pills , but he believed in having them put pellets , hormone pellets , into the abdomen or into the hip that would last for five to six months for people . And he did the same thing for children that were not growing as they should or not developing as they should , and he was a specialist in this down at the University of Georgia , I believe . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , okay . So , anyway , I used to have one of his books that he had written , also on this . He was really an expert on this . And I wound up going to him quite a few times . He was an amazing man . All these people that are really amazing have egos , or a lot of them , have egos to go along with it . So they are sometimes their own worst enemy . But it 's amazing how much they know . And Oak Ridge just seemed to have the best of everything back in the fifties and sixties . Back when I was a girl , you didn 't have to worry about locking your doors , you didn 't have to worry about who your children were going with , because everybody that was in here had been investigated and had some sort of clearance or some sort of investigation done . You did not have to - it was just safe everywhere . And one of the really neat things is there were all these greenbelt areas between houses to give you more privacy , so you didn 't have just house right behind house behind house in a lot of cases . And I know where we lived , there was a gravel path that went through the woods and up these - across a little bridge that across this great huge drainage ditch that would just be roaring with water after the rains , and up some steps and up onto Georgia Avenue , and then right over down one of those lanes and down to the - across Blankenship field and up to the school there . That 's how I walked to school . And when you 're coming home from the movie , that 's how you walked home , through the woods this way , and it was perfectly safe because there weren 't any weirdoes around that - at least certainly no weirdoes that anybody heard of or knew about . Everything was completely safe . And as a teenager , this was just so romantic to get to walk through the woods with your boyfriend and be out of sight of your parents this way . I mean this was just really really terrific . Mrs . Osborne : We had a " D " house down at the bottom of Fulton Lane . It was the only " D " house on the street , and we had to live in the Guest House for the first two weeks waiting for our things to get here and for the house to be finished . And they finished the house and we moved in , and it was a very , very nice house . It was at the bottom , so we were at the cul - de - sac sort of thing . We had houses across the street . There wasn 't anything at the end but just a parking area and then the woods behind us and our porch faced the greenbelt area . A " D " house was really a lovely house . Mrs . Osborne : Senior . He was the one that wound up having the heart transplant and this sort of thing . Anyway , he was the only one out there at that time . And then , after I had been on the Math Panel - I don 't remember how long , I guess just a year or two - they hired a young black woman mathematician - she had her master 's degree in Math - to come and work on the Math Panel . Really a nice young lady . Her husband was a professor at Knoxville College . So when she came , I didn 't realize what a big deal this was , but other people did . When you 're twenty - one , you don 't sometimes realize how important some things are , and it turned out that for her to go to the cafeteria was absolutely terrible , because we were like three blocks from the cafeteria , so you always walked down , naturally , because you couldn 't bring your car in . So you walked to the cafeteria , you bought your food , you sat in there and ate . So you would go to lunch with friends . So when - I can 't remember her name . That 's terrible ; I can picture her but I cannot remember her name . But she was really nice , and so we made plans that three of us were going to take turns going to lunch with her so she would never have to go down there by herself , because sure enough , when she walked in the cafeteria , a lot of the workmen would glare at her and make comments and this sort of thing , because there just had not been any black people eating in there and they were not used to this at all . So we made sure that she never had to go by herself to the cafeteria . And this was fine . We had worked [ it ] out very well , and we enjoyed having lunch with her . Mrs . Osborne : No , but it would have been really tough for her to have to sit by herself at a table , you know . They would not have done anything to her , I 'm sure , but they would have gone out of their way to make comments or something like that . But the fact that she always had two guardians , more or less , with her made it much easier . So her husband had a birthday while she was working there at the lab . So she decided to have a big party for him , and she invited Morris and I , and she invited this other girl from the Math Panel , Nancy Dismuke and her husband Stewart , to go also . So we decided we were all going to go , wondering what it was going to be like , and so we drove with the - the Dismukes drove , we rode with them over to Knoxville and to the Knoxville College area there where they lived and we went into this party . And everybody in the party had a master 's degree or a Ph . D . except for us , I think . [ laughter ] Except for Morris and I , that is , because Nancy Dismuke had a master 's . But they were all from Knoxville College , professors , and there were some white professors . I didn 't realize Knoxville College had some white professors at that point , which they did . So it turned out it was really a strange feeling to be completely surrounded by all blacks , because I had never in my entire life had this happen . And it was just - strange is the only way - and I 'm sure it was as strange for them to see us coming in when they didn 't know us at all . The other white people that worked at Knoxville College fit in just fine , but we were - they weren 't real sure about what we were going to be like or what we were going to say or do , I 'm sure . But we played games and wound up having a nice time . It was a lovely party , with your usual soft drinks and cake and coffee , and this type of thing , and just a happy birthday . Her husband was a really nice guy . She didn 't work for a real long time . She only worked for about a year or two there and then she left . I have a picture of the Math Panel group with hDr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , I 'm sure . When did they start doing the free breakfasts for underprivileged children ? Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know , because they didn 't have them when I worked at Linden . The child was allowed to - the one child I was thinking of was allowed to sleep under a table until almost noon because he was so tired . There were like ten kids in the family and one bed , and so he always got pushed out of bed because he was the youngest . So he would come and sleep under this table , and then would - I don 't know if he had to wait till lunch or if when we had recess , whether they could get him something to eat then . But I know that the counselor there at school would take him up and shower him off and find clean clothes for him and this type of thing , because he had no care at home at all , this one child , had not whatsoever , and it 's just pitiful to see this happen . But they could have been a white family . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yeah . Now , I did not know that until much later that Oak Ridge had a real problem finding teams to play them in the different sports , in football or in basketball because they had integrated . We 're a government town , and so naturally you are integrating . And the other schools around in Tennessee did not want to play a school that had blacks on the team . They weren 't going to have their boys having to get up close and personal and play these guys . So they had an awful time filling the schedules , and they had to offer all kinds of incentives in order to fill the football schedule and whatnot , so that was tough . Mrs . Osborne : We did at that time . We had better equipment , better uniforms . The poverty level around in Tennessee was - or the poverty , not just the level , but the poverty - was very prevalent , and it showed up in things like teams and uniforms and all this sort of thing , which was not considered such a big deal back then as it is now . Now , everybody knows that the more important thing , part of school , is your football and your basketball . Anyway , but that may be one reason we 're behind the Chinese and Japanese , I 'm not sure . But anyway , then it wasn 't that big a thing , and we also , of course , had much better schools . We had teachers that came from all over the place and we had classes - we had science classes that they didn 't have in the local schools around , just all sorts of things here , as well as having drama and art and music and - I 'm sure they had music in some of the things , but we had - Oak Ridge schools just had a lot of things that other schools in the surrounding area could not afford , and that was sort of held against us . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : And also , you had said something about going to shop in Knoxville and Clinton . What was that like ? How did they treat Oak Ridgers ? Mrs . Osborne : Well , I did not shop in Clinton . Clinton was a real little backwater town . It wasn 't worth stopping in , I 'm sorry , at that point . Now , it 's a lovely place to go antiquing , and once you found out about Hammer 's , back before they moved particularly , Hammer 's was always fun to go to . Mrs . Osborne : Hammer 's was a local department store that was in this old building with all kinds of little out - of - the - way rooms and whatnot and little steps here and there and roundabout and they would get in truckloads of stuff that maybe came from a fire sale or came from something or other or came from QVC that didn 't sell . I 'm not sure where all . And they 'd sell at just really , really small prices . I know a girl who got lots of money for college by buying these - what were the shirts that had the duck on it or something like that ? Mrs . Osborne : Izod shirts . She used to go to Hammer 's and buy the Izod shirts , the seconds , and sell them to her sorority sisters at the University of North Carolina for regular prices and make all kinds of money this way . She was very much an entrepreneur and earned a lot of money this way . But that 's the sort of thing that Hammer 's had , if you could get in there . Somebody I know bought a baby grand piano from them . I did buy some wicker furniture from them once , and I used to go over there and get fabric and I 've gotten , you know , a few articles of clothing there at different times , but now it 's - it still has some good buys , I 'm sure , but I 'm too old and tired to shop there anymore . Mrs . Osborne : It moved , no , it 's still in Clinton , but it 's out at the other end of Clinton , now . It 's not in downtown Clinton anymore ; it 's out just before you get to the river , out past where the fairgrounds are on the other side , so it 's not as interesting . It 's in a normal place now instead of being in a funny little hole place . Mrs . Osborne : I did go to Knoxville , and the thing that was so remarkable about Knoxville is the coal soot . I can remember standing on the corner , waiting for a bus , and winding up with black specks all over my coat and my face , and if you touched them , it just spread , because it was coal soot , and it would just grind right into your skin and into your coat , the fabric of it , whatever , and I had never - I mean , we had coal furnaces in Michigan , but we didn 't have coal soot like that . I don 't know if it was a difference in coal or - Mrs . Osborne : I do not remember noticing that . Now I know that we had the same furnace in our " D " house that everybody had , but I have no idea if it was a coal furnace or not because I don 't remember ever getting coal from a coal truck . So whether it might have been an oil furnace back then , I don 't know . Mrs . Osborne : We did not get a coal delivery that I know of . We had no coal . Now , the cemestos did not . I know the flattops did , because this friend that I used to visit in a flattop definitely had the place where the coal was kept out in front and the little coal stove inside and whatnot , but in the cemesto you didn 't have that . So whether I was just too dense to remember it or whether we had a different kind of furnace - Mrs . Osborne : They definitely were . They definitely were . And this was in downtown Knoxville on Gay Street , because I was standing on Gay Street because Miller 's was on Gay Street then , and Miller 's was the big department store . Mrs . Osborne : Okay , they were fine . It was the kids at school that used to make fun of the way I talked , and one of the words that they always thought was the funniest was the way I said ' cow , ' and they would always say , " Say ' cow , ' Barbara . Listen to her . Listen to her , now . Say ' cow . ' " And [ I would say ] , " Cow . " They 'd " [ laughter ] . " And I 'd think , " What 's wrong with the way I say ' cow , ' " you know , but who knows . Mrs . Osborne : But I could tell whether I was or whether - I think I could tell if you were . So it 's really strange . It depends on where you 're from . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . Everybody has different speech features . How do you think - you know , sometimes people talk about having trouble with businesses in Knoxville because they were obviously not from this area , and the Knoxvillians knew that and they didn 't really like outsiders . You seem to have a pretty good experience in Knoxville from what I can tell , and maybe after the Manhattan Project , it wasn 't so much of a problem . Mrs . Osborne : It made the culture so different from every place else , that we 're spoiled . We think that all other towns are bound to be something like Oak Ridge , that they 're going to have people that are willing to listen to the pros and the cons and then make a decision , that there are people who you can argue with and maybe change their mind that aren 't just completely hidebound and something like this . And somehow , when you get away from Oak Ridge , you find that 's not necessarily true . You get into some of the good old boy stuff , and if you aren 't either a Democrat or a Republican , depending on where you are , why , you don 't have anything good to say or anything worth listening to and so forth and so on , and you 're never going to change somebody 's mind . If you 've got God and logic on your side , you still aren 't going to be able to change their mind , that there are people like this . Because the majority of people in Oak Ridge are operating from a brain and they have learned through the years - now , I 'm not saying everybody , but I 'm saying the majority of people that you run into here are people who have used their minds and found out there 's rights and wrongs and there 's some shady , gray shades in this world and there are some things that you just can 't come out and say is either black or white , and this type of thing . I think we have gotten very spoiled . I know our oldest son found this out . He was the one that went into restaurant management and being a chef . When he went to other towns to help open restaurants , he found some of the narrow - mindedness in some of the South Carolina towns absolutely appalling compared to what he was used to from here in Oak Ridge , the people here . Mrs . Osborne : The things that they say , their beliefs , you know , whether it 's the good old boys on football Saturday or whether it 's the fact that they 're going to fly the - I think South Carolina was having a real problem with the Confederate flag back about the time that he was there , so whether it had something to do with that , and the fact that he is a reader . He has just read more stuff than - I thought I was a reader , but he is really - he reads all of an author and then goes on to the next author and then , you know , this type of thing , and he is what I would consider an extremely well - read individual . So the fact that he had trouble finding people with the same interests that he had once he left Oak Ridge , that had something to do with it maybe . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Were people in Oak Ridge ever worried during the integration of the schools ? I mean , you say you don 't remember many problems , but were they worried about violence ? Because they had all that violence in Clinton . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yes , they really were . Everybody in the South was worried about violence . And I think as a result , a lot of Oak Ridgers stepped up to try to minimize any violence that might crop up or to try to stop it before it happened , this type of thing . What happened in Clinton was bad , and what happened in Mississippi was terrible , and it just is completely against everything you believe in . If you have a Christian faith , you can 't possibly approve of that sort of thing . And I cannot imagine any of the Jewish faith wanting that sort of thing either , that they would be just as appalled as - I said this badly by saying Christian faith , but my experience is coming from what I think is the Christian faith , but my Jewish friends would likewise be just as appalled by that sort of thing . So I think Oak Ridge definitely stepped up to try to avoid anything like that and to make sure that Clinton was safe going to school here , in the old Linden School , like they could do , and that that was one of the better things that came out of it . Mrs . Osborne : Right , at the old Linden . The new Linden had just opened , and so the old Linden School was not being used at that point . So they came and used that for a year . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : I have a few more questions about when you first came to Oak Ridge and just going back to the war years before you came to Oak Ridge . When you came to Oak Ridge , were you very much aware of the activity of security personnel , the guards ? Did you see much military security around ? Mrs . Osborne : I don 't remember ever noticing them . I mean , I was a high school kid , and I didn 't notice that . I had no reason to . I 'd never been in any kind of trouble . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , my father always had a very large victory garden , and he was really good at growing all sorts of things , and my mother canned things and dried things . And that was before you had freezers , really , so you weren 't freezing things . Meat was rationed during the war , so I can remember - chicken was not , and I can remember they bought twenty - five slaughtered chickens and canned them one year , just in your big glass jars , so we used a lot of chicken that year . But Dad , yeah , Dad always had lots of tomatoes and corn and just your usual things . And it was out on the edge of town where he had the victory garden . Everybody was renting little spaces to have their gardens , and we would ride out there in the evening and pick and do different things . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's interesting . I didn 't realize people had them away from their homes . I always thought the victory garden would be at your house . Mrs . Osborne : No , no , it was bigger than that , than your backyard , so I mean you really were growing food . And we also collected the tinfoil from everywhere . If anybody saw a piece of tinfoil , you know , if somebody chewed a piece of gum , you automatically stripped the tinfoil off of it , and you always had a ball of tinfoil in your pocket or somewhere , in your purse , if you were a girl , and you just added that to the ball . And the same was true with string . Every little string , you wound it around . If anybody threw down a cigarette package , you immediately grabbed it up and the inside had tinfoil between the two paper layers , and so you stripped that off . But you saved every little bit this way . And the used cooking oil , saved for something . Mrs . Osborne : And I remember I got , one time , I managed to get a five pound bag of sugar for my mother for her birthday , without using - I didn 't have any rationing stamps , because my mother had all the ration books , and it was her birthday , and I was trying to get something that she would like , and I decided that a bag of sugar would be just perfect . I went to this little store where they knew me and knew my mother , and I asked them if I could possibly buy a bag of sugar , and somehow , I don 't know how , they let me have a bag of sugar , and I took it home and wrapped it up for mother 's birthday . She was tickled to death to get a five pound bag of sugar . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I 'm sure . My parents would have been extremely happy . I was what , about twelve ? Or less than that . Mrs . Osborne : Well , Dad worked for the Atomic Energy Commission here in Oak Ridge , and came in ' 49 and went to work for them as the assistant head of the Budget Division , and stayed until about ' 63 . In ' 63 , he was transferred to Las Vegas , to the Las Vegas office - which , I never knew AEC had a Las Vegas office until then . They were there for a couple of years and then he was transferred to the Panama Canal Zone to work on the feasibility of building a second Panama Canal . This was before the first Panama Canal had been turned over to Panama . They knew - the United States knew that we had to turn it over to Panama , and they were wondering , they were afraid about what was going to happen . So they got to thinking about , what about the feasibility of building a second one , so that we would always have one . So Dad and several men from Engineering in the Army were the group picked to study this , and so he and Mother moved to Panama . And everybody else that worked on this project was military , so they lived on the military base there , except my mother and father were not military , so they had to live off the base , and the other ladies would let Mother know about how much she was missing by not being able to use the clubs there and the groceries there and all this sort of thing , and [ they would remark ] , " What a shame your house has cracks in it so the bugs come through , " and all this . So , anyway , Mother didn 't like it at all , but Dad loved it . He loved being out in the jungle , and they were trying to find where they would build one . And so they were just back in the jungle a lot of the time , hiking and trying to decide where would be a place that they could do this and how much would it cost , what would be - and they came up with the fact that it would not be a feasible thing to do , so that was their recommendation , was to not do it . Mrs . Osborne : I know when I went back to school as an adult , I heard a young guys talking about - over at the college - I heard a young guy talking about how the cancer rate in Oak Ridge was so high . His aunt had cancer now , and that she said it was due to all the radiation and everything in Oak Ridge , that everybody was getting cancer . And I said I didn 't think they were . And so then you realize that if you try arguing with him , you 're not going to get anywhere , that , just be quiet and let him say whatever he wants to say , and that 's the only way to go , that he had already made up his mind and was very busy sharing this with the other people in the class , that Oak Ridgers just had more chance of getting cancer than people anywhere else . Mrs . Osborne : They used to do that when I worked at the museum here . They used to ask if I lived in Oak Ridge , and then if I had any children , and they they 'd try to phrase it as nicely as possible , " Were the children all right ? " " Did they have two heads ? " or something like this , so I assured them they were all fine . Mrs . Osborne : Well , it has very good health care . I guess the fact that Oak Ridge has more to offer in the way of entertainment . They have an excellent Playhouse , they have an excellent Symphony Orchestra , they have ballet , a couple of pretty good ballet companies . They can perform with the opera company in Knoxville . Description Rating Title Osborne , Barbara Description Oral History of Barbara Osborne , Interviewed by Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , Ph . D . , September 25 , 2010 Audio Link http : / / coroh . oakridgetn . gov / corohfiles / audio / Osborne _ Barbara . mp3 Transcript Link http : / / coroh . oakridgetn . gov / corohfiles / Transcripts _ and _ photos / Osborne _ Barbara . doc Collection Name COROH Interviewee Osborne , Barbara Interviewer Hamilton - Brehm , Anne Marie Type audio Language English Subject Oak Ridge ( Tenn . ) Date of Original 2010 Format doc , mp3 Length 2 hours , 22 minutes File Size 129 . 53 MB Source Center for Oak Ridge Oral History Location of Original Oak Ridge Public Library Rights Copy Right by the City of Oak Ridge , Oak Ridge , TN 37830 Disclaimer : " This report was prepared as an account of work sponsored by an agency of the United States Government . Neither the United States Government nor any agency thereof , nor any of their employees , makes any warranty , express or implied , or assumes any legal liability for the accuracy , completeness , or usefulness of any information , apparatus , product , or process disclosed , or represents that process , or service by trade name , trademark , manufacturer , or otherwise do not necessarily constitute or imply its endorsement , recommendation , or favoring by the United States Government or any agency thereof . The views and opinions of authors expressed herein do not necessarily state or reflect those of the United States Government or any agency thereof . " The materials in this collection are in the public domain and may be reproduced without the written permission of either the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History or the Oak Ridge Public Library . However , anyone using the materials assumes all responsibility for claims arising from use of the materials . Materials may not be used to show by implication or otherwise that the City of Oak Ridge , the Oak Ridge Public Library , or the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History endorses any product or project . When materials are to be used commercially or online , the credit line shall readInterviewed by Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , Ph . D . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : It is September 25th , 2010 , and this is Anne Marie Hamilton - Brehm , the Coordinator for the Center for Oak Ridge Oral History interviewing Barbara Osborne in her home . Barbara , your family came to Oak Ridge from Michigan in 1949 . What was your family doing prior to arriving in Oak Ridge and why did you move to Oak Ridge ? Mrs . Osborne : We lived in Birmingham , Michigan , where my father worked either in Detroit or in Pontiac , depending on the office that he was in . After the war , the jobs were all given to the veterans , where he had not been allowed to go into the military because his work was too important , so he had to find another job . This is just - they said it wasn 't fair , but this sort of thing just happened . A friend of his who was in Oak Ridge wrote him and said come and apply for a particular job that was open here . So he came down , applied for the job , got it and came back and moved us to Tennessee . We had never - I had never been out of the state of Michigan before , so it was very different . I heard all sorts of wild tales from kids at school and wild tales about what Oak Ridge was going to be like : mud and people making booze in the bathtub . And part of this was true . Mud was true , but the other I never found . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : [ laughter ] What are your memories ? You came to Oak Ridge when you were in high school , and then right after you moved here , the city gates opened . What are your memories of the opening of the city gates and the parade ? Mrs . Osborne : Oh , huge crowds ! I think the only people that I know of that weren 't there were the rest of my family . I 'm the only one from my family that went to the parade , and I don 't know why they didn 't go . I guess they just didn 't want to get stuck in a crowd . But I went down , and I was standing in front of the old Jackson Square Post Office watching these movie stars go by , and they looked so glamorous , and it was just excitement . I had watched Queen for a Day , which you 're way too young to know about , so seeing Jack Bailey in person was really exciting , and of course Rod Cameron was every bit as gorgeous as he was on the screen , to say nothing of Marie McDonald , and she had a beautiful fur coat on . That was when it was okay to have a fur coat . So it was just really , really exciting . And the bands were good , and , you know , just everything , the whole atmosphere was just wonderful . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I 'd never heard a real southern accent before , and I 'd never heard an East Tennessee accent . And a lot of them had never heard a Michigan accent , which I had never thought of as being an accent . The first day I was in school here , I could not understand anything anybody said - any of the students said to me . I could understand the teachers , but I couldn 't understand the students . So when I was being shown around the school by one of the girls , I never did understand where she said the lunchroom was , and so the first day I went without eating lunch because I was too embarrassed to ask , try to ask anybody else , " Where do I go to find the cafeteria ? " Because I just simply couldn 't understand what they were saying to me , and I was scared to death , and you know , just your usual teenage angst I guess . Mrs . Osborne : Back then , not everybody had a car like they do now , because there wasn 't much of any place to go except the Snow White Drive - In , which was the headquarters for all dating purposes at that point . If you had a date , you usually wound up there getting something to eat , and if you didn 't have a date , you wound up there with friends , driving around to see who did have a date [ laughter ] , and that 's just where it was happening at this point , which is very - it 's so much like Happy Days , to be honest , and so peacefully innocent compared to today 's happenings , I think . If somebody drank , it was a big thing , not a common thing . You know , it was just , " Oh , what a terrible boy that must be . " You certainly never wanted to date anybody like that , where , I don 't know , standards seem to have changed a whole lot . Mrs . Osborne : Well , they brought it in with them , however they could . There were people that made regular runs over to North Carolina to try to furnish alcohol for a party , and they would cover up the stuff in their trunk however they could , hide it under spare tires , I don 't know . One of the stories was about hiding the bottles of liquor under a sleeping baby in a baby bed in the back seat of the car , and of course you didn 't want to disturb the baby by searching under there , so they managed - I don 't know if the child , how the child could sleep on top of it , but obviously it must have been well padded . And supposedly that really happened . But some people got caught and they got in serious trouble , and some people didn 't get caught . I imagine it depended on whoever was the guard at the gate or whether or not you happened to know the guard at the gate , you know , just all sorts of things go into this . Mrs . Osborne : There were buses , and it cost ten cents , and they went all over town , and you could transfer from one bus to another . So I could go home - I walked to school from where I lived , but I could go home with my friends by just having a dime and getting on the bus with them and go and spend the afternoon at someone 's home , even if they lived out on the west end of town . So that made it very simple . Mrs . Osborne : They did , yes . I did more of that when I became a senior in high school . I was extra young as a junior and probably the youngest person in the class , so my parents were very strict with me and I didn 't do a lot of that , but later on , yes , I can remember going to see Rock City , and going to Big Ridge , going swimming and being in a canoe that got turned over , and you know , the guy lost his shoes [ laughter ] , but he learned to never dive out of a canoe . Mrs . Osborne : And that 's where we had senior skip day back then . That was before it got dangerous . It 's probably in the last five year period before it got dangerous . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . So , that 's when the school started really , you know , everybody had to do - if you went anywhere , it was by bus with the whole group doing the same thing , and we went to Big Ridge for senior skip day . I remember senior skip day . I loved that place . It was a lot of fun back then . Mrs . Osborne : As a matter of fact , I was involved in Bridge Club , and I didn 't even know how to play bridge . I was involved in Maskers also ; I was in several plays , and scared to death to stand up in front of an audience , but determined to try to get over it . And I played the mother . Only one time did I ever get to play a romantic lead . The rest of the time , I was always cast as the mother or the friend or something like this . Mrs . Osborne : I really can 't . I can remember the name of - the only time that I played the romantic lead - who played opposite me , and that was the drum major at that time , Bob Barrett . And I remember my name when I was somebody 's mother . I was Mrs . Chickester . But what was the name of the play ? Mrs . Osborne : My father said , " Get a job . " And he , either he or my mother , found out that the drug store that they got their prescriptions filled at , Elm Grove Drug Store , was looking for a counter clerk , and so I went down there and applied for a job , and they hired me , and I worked there that summer , and if ever a job made you appreciate what a college education could do for you , that was it . It was so hot ; there was no air conditioning , and you were on your feet the whole time and busy the whole time you were there . I was the soda jerk . I made wonderful milkshakes and sodas and , you know , all kinds of things . And [ I was ] very carefully watched by the man who owned the store to make sure I didn 't put an extra scoop of ice cream in any of my friends ' things . So , you know , I was honest to a T , absolutely , or honest to a fault , I guess is the term . And he wound up really liking me and asking my parents as I went off to college , you know , " When is Barbara coming home ? I want her to work on such - and - such a weekend ; I 'm having a sale , " or , " When , " you know , " Can she come back then ? Can she work over Christmas ? " This type of thing . So he liked me and I liked the fact that I didn 't have to do that for a living . Mrs . Osborne : Just turned seventeen during the summer . So off I went to Tennessee Wesleyan , and the minister , our minister from First Methodist Church took me and got me registered . He got my parents to say - give me permission to go . And moved into this very old dorm with a dried up little old lady dorm mother , and I wound up becoming the only - there were only two of us that started - we started in the winter quarter , because it took the minister that long to get my parents to give me permission to go . They just didn 't want me to leave that soon . And so only two of us started school in the winter quarter . So she was my roommate , the other girl , and she lasted two weeks and went home . So I was the only person in the entire school with no roommate , and that 's kind of a lonesome way to be . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : So what was that like ? Did you live in your room , or did you have a sleeping porch ? What was that like ? Mrs . Osborne : No , you lived in your room , and the rules there were very different from what they are now . Your parents had to sign a paper saying you could get in a car or you couldn 't get in a car . My parents refused to sign saying I could get in a car , so therefore I was not allowed to ride with anybody anywhere . They also - the dorm mother came around and made sure that you - or tried to make sure that you cleaned your room every week , and that your bed was made every day , and I was one of the biggest problems , because I decided to rebel on all the things I had been taught at home , and never make the bed and never clean the room . My parents got quite a few phone calls that year about their rebellious daughter [ laughter ] . But I joined the Tennessee Wesleyan Choir , and got some absolutely marvelous experience there and wonderful praise from the choir director , who was a real stickler . He kept saying things like , " If there are any more altos like you in Oak Ridge , send them to me ! " So I really enjoyed that and we did different shows . I worked in Maskers there at Wesleyan . The choir went on choir trips singing at churches around in different parts of Tennessee . We sang with the Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra on Beethoven 's 9th Symphony . What else did we do , things that were big time for me at that point ? It was just lots of fun . Oh , yeah , we put on Sigmund Romberg 's The Desert Song , and I learned to love Sigmund Romberg 's music through that , which I still have , a love for his music . But that was a terrific experience , the music part . And I started taking Botany because my father insisted I had to take a science ; I had to major in a science . So that was my way of rebelling against , you know , not taking any of the , what I consider the harder sciences , Chemistry or Biology or something . Botany , I was doing it my way , which is very silly . There were no jobs in botany , or at least very few , but I didn 't really care ; I was just having fun . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds like it . So after college , you moved back to Oak Ridge and got a job here . Where did you work and what was it like to work there ? Mrs . Osborne : I actually didn 't finish college . My father had me drop out after two years because I failed typing . I couldn 't stay awake ; it was at eight o ' clock in the morning , and I didn 't go to bed early enough to . I would just be so bored I would sit there and go to sleep with my hands on the keyboard . You don 't pass doing things like that . So he was really upset with me after being an extremely good scholar all my life , to fail a typing course . And so he made me go to Knoxville Business College and get a steno degree and then get a job . So after - I spent a year or nine months over in Knoxville , going to Knoxville Business College , hating every minute of it , and then I applied at the plants , which were run by Union Carbide at that point , and they started giving me all kinds of tests when I went in for filling out - I took the usual typing test and shorthand and then they started having me take some other tests , and I could not understand why . Then they called me to say I had been hired to work at X - 10 to be a computer operator on the first computer to be in the Southeast . I had no idea what they were talking about , because I 'd never heard of a big computer - a little handheld calculator , maybe , or a tabletop calculator , not handheld back then , but not a computer . And I went home and told my father and mother this and my father just about jumped out of his chair , he was so excited , because he knew all about this . Being in the Budget Division of AEC , he knew what the thing had cost and all about the logistics of it , the whole thing , and he just thought that was the most exciting thing and the fact that his daughter was going to be working on it , which was the most exciting thing he ever heard of . So I was hired to be a computer operator on the ORACLE , which was the first large computer in the entire Southeast . It was built in Argonne and then shipped down to X - 10 for the Math Panel at that point , and for the rest of the people at the lab to use , but it was going to be run by the Math Panel . ADr . Hamilton - Brehm : Sounds a little frustrating . Mrs . Osborne : It was frustrating , but that 's how everything starts . And it was exciting . I loved it . I loved learning about it , I loved working on it , and the more I worked on it , the more I wanted to do , so I wound up finally not being an operator . They hired some young men for that , and I was changed to becoming a programmer for the ORACLE . Now , the ORACLE stood for Oak Ridge Automatic Computer and Logical Engine . That 's O - R - A - C - L - E , yeah . And that 's what it stood for , and that was before FORTRAN , before any of the early languages . So people out there were writing subroutines ; we were shifting binary bits back and forth to do everything , to do additions , subtractions , multiplications , writing little routines to accomplish what people later accomplished in one word or one bit or this type of thing . So it was a very exciting time , and I thoroughly enjoyed a lot of that . Met a lot of people . Mrs . Osborne : Well , in my office , it was quiet , but when I worked on the computer , I was sitting at the console of this enormous machine that was probably , golly , I don 't think it was as big as a football field , but it was close to it , and it was just banks and banks and banks of these cathode ray tubes , with this enormous console in front of it . At least compared to what they are now , it was enormous . And where you 're flipping all kinds of little toggle switches and doing all sorts of things , and you 're working with all the best minds in the laboratory who were coming to put problems on and doing different things . And you 're sitting in front of a huge , great big plate glass window , which , seeing as I was twenty - one and single was kind of exciting , because everybody that I worked with had a single friend , it seemed like , and they were all walking by with their single friends and saying , " Would you like to meet her ? " So it was like being in show business almost . Mrs . Osborne : I was the only one right then , yes , for the first year . Now , there were women on the Math Panel , but they were definitely mathematicians , and I was not a mathematician at that point . I just sort of moved into that later . And evidently it was the test that they gave me that showed that I could do this or could handle it , that this was one of my strengths , so I always thought , how nice , had no idea what I was doing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , well , a lot of air conditioning . Very , very definitely a lot of air conditioning . And they checked whole banks of the tubes every single morning . The computer was down every morning for maintenance , and they would discover that something - there 'd been one tube blinking the day before , so who knows . At first it didn 't even run at night , you know , there wasn 't the need for it . And then as they began to find more uses for it and more uses for it , they started doing things at night out there , and I can remember riding out there at night with some physicists to help them with their programs , run them , and getting stopped by some of the , well , they were the guards there back by the plants , because physicists were not necessarily great drivers , the ones that were really good at some of the other things , at least these particular ones . They were brilliant men , and I 'm not saying that about all physicists , but we used to , as a young woman , we used to group them . Physicists were the ones that walked into doors and walked into people and this type of thing . Mrs . Osborne : And I married a physicist who never walks into doors or walks into people . I thought he was an engineer because he was just so neat and everything . But , yeah , we used to definitely pigeonhole the guys that walked down the hall to get coffee : " Oh yeah , that 's a chemist , you can tell , " or you 'd see him hit that wall , " He 's a physicist , " or - this sort of thing . It was a good place to be young . Mrs . Osborne : Well , the head of the Math Panel was a well known mathematician who wrote books and whatnot , Austin Householder , and he was one of the shyest men you 've ever seen in your life . He might have been a brilliant mathematician ; he was a brilliant mathematician . I can remember trying to read something that he had written one time and just , it was so far over my head , it was ridiculous . So he was definitely brilliant . But then there was a - several , what I would call big time - they became like vice presidents or assistant directors of the lab or something like this . I did meet Alvin Weinberg a time or two . And then there was Bob Sharpie , who was an assistant director , and he was an interesting man . He wound up becoming the head of some big company here in the United States , and , you know , multi - millionaire type person , becoming very well known . But at that point , he was just , what I thought was an extremely egotistical , hard to get along with person , who was an authority on a lot of things . And there was a program going on on television at that time called The $ 64 , 000 Question . There was a young high school girl who was on this show who was doing very , very well , and I can 't remember what her exact deal was , that you picked the field you want the questions in . When you got to the $ 64 , 000 question , which was the top one , you could have an authority come in and help you with it , and she picked Bob Sharpie to be her authority to come in . So we were - everybody in Oak Ridge was glued to the T . V . , if they had one back then , to watch that . And they won the $ 64 , 000 , she did . So he invited her and her parents to come and tour X - 10 , and I have a picture of them . And she 's just a normal looking girl , wearing glasses , everything - but obviously she was going to wind up being extremely good at whatever science she went into , and I never knew whatever happened to her . I hope she was a real success . But it was interesting to see , you know . Mrs . Osborne : First week . We were taking a bus - there was a bus that ran out to the lab - and so because you didn 't have a car you rode the bus . And when I went down to the bus stop , there were two of my friends from high school waiting for the same bus . So we were standing there talking and up came this nice young man to talk to one of the girls that I 'd gone to school with , and she introduced him to me , and it turned out that he was dating her at that point , or had had a couple of dates with her . And I thought he was really cute . And that was how I met him . And then we had all been asked to be ushers at an Oak Ridge Playhouse play later in the week , so we decided , well , we would - definitely none of us have a date for that , we would all do something together afterwards . So my parents dropped me off at the play . Actually the plays were at the Oak Ridge High School Auditorium right then , which was the old one up on Kentucky Avenue , and when I got there , I found out every other - there were four of us as usherettes at that point - the other three had each gotten a date . I 'm the only one that turned a date down and didn 't have one . So they were all going somewhere afterwards and I was not . Fortunately , friends of my parents were there at the play and gave me a ride home . But Morris always said - Morris was the date for this one girl , and he always said he felt so sorry for me standing there that he decided he wanted to ask me for a date . So I think I was his pity date [ laughter ] . Mrs . Osborne : But he never would ask me for a date far enough in advance . He would , you know , say , " How about could you go out , " he 'd call on Friday , " Could you go out with me on Monday night ? " Well , I already had a date Monday night . He had to call earlier than that . So after he asked me twice for a date and I turned him down each time , he said he wasn 't going to call me again , but I suggested what about such - and - such a night , when I was free , and so we went out then and that was the start of something that never stopped . By the fourth date , I knew that he was going to be the one that was going to - I was going to fall in love with him and make a big difference in my life . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , he was president of the Young Adult Fellowship at First Methodist Church , and I had always been very active in church . I was going to Kern Methodist Church at that point because it was closer to my home . So we had that and the fact that we both worked at X - 10 and we were both going to school at night and we both liked to go to the swimming pool . We did a lot of going to the swimming pool on weekends , and going up to the Smokies and driving around or hiking or both , having picnics on weekends , also . And we were both small town . In fact , he was even smaller : he 'd lived on a farm all his life . So it was definitely a reciprocating thing . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , it was a very small wedding . Morris was in the process of doing some experiments with his job in solid state physics at that point , so we had to time the wedding between experiments . Because when an experiment was running , somebody had to be out there with it at night , and because the other people that were working on it all had families , he was the one that would be out with it at night . And a new husband doesn 't necessarily want to be spending the night out with an experiment . So we got married on a weekend that was at the end of one experiment and before the next one started , so we could have a honeymoon in there . And we had a very small wedding at Kern Methodist Church at eleven o ' clock in the morning , because that was before air conditioned churches , and it was in July and hot as blazes . Everything stuck to you because it was just so hot . It was mainly the people I worked with and the people he worked with and some of the people from church and friends of my parents and a few of our friends , mutual friends , and we had a reception downstairs , with just cake and punch and nuts and mints . That 's what used to be - you know , I can remember it cost ten dollars for the flowers . It cost ten dollars for the cake , because the lady that made the cake was just going into the business and that 's what she charged for this lovely cake . And a friend went over to Farmer 's Market and bought the flowers over in Knoxville and then decorated the church with them and then carried them downstairs for the reception . And I mean , it was - we got married - I used to say we got married on a dime and that was just about it . So , that 's why we had a big fiftieth wedding anniversary , because we had such a small wedding . But it certainly lasted . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , they threw the paper chad from the tapes , from all - typing all those tapes for the computer . They 'd been bagging up all those tiny , tiny little bits of paper that came out , and they were sort of a greasy paper , oily , and they had bags full of the stuff . It looked like it was just pouring rain when they were throwing this . And it got - the best man drove us away from the wedding in his mother 's car , and the car just got plastered with this stuff , and his mother never could get it completely cleaned out . [ laughter ] She wound up trading cars , I understand . And I was wearing a big white lace hat when I left on the honeymoon , and it was just full of these bits of little tiny round bits of paper chad , you know . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . Let 's see , when the children - we had three children , and I quit work when I was expecting the first child because I was having a lot of problems , so - and at that time , you stayed home with your children . You didn 't go back to work unless you were really an expert at something . And I was certainly not an expert at anything . So I stayed home as a mother , and then sixteen months later I had a second child , and then three years later I had a third child . So I was pretty busy . I stayed home until the third child went off to school . So when he went to school , I went back to work as an instructional aide at Linden School , was hired by the principal there that had been there for many , many years , and was just a wonderful lady . Mrs . Osborne : Around ' 65 , ' 66 , something like that . And so I worked there half - time as an instructional aide , so I was home when the children were home , and I could either drive them to school or pick them up from school and bring them home depending on whether I worked mornings or afternoons . I worked in third grade at least three of the years , and I worked in sixth grade one year . Got to go to Tremont with the sixth graders and teach crafts , which was - that was a wonderful week . It was one of the most enjoyable weeks of my life . I 'd been to Tremont as a mother , but to go as an instructor was even more fun . So I did that and I left Linden School because my husband was picked by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission to go to Germany as a guest scientist for two years to work at Kernforschungszentrum outside of Karlsruhe , West Germany . And so we moved the three children and our dog over there for two years , which was not an easy thing to do at that point . Our oldest son was a senior at high school , our daughter was a sophomore , and our youngest child was sixth grade . Mrs . Osborne : This was , you know , we went over in 1975 , so yeah . I 'm sorry , I must have gone back to work - I did not go back to work when I said I did . I must have gone back to work about ' 70 . Ah , okay , that makes a difference , yeah , sorry about that . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's all right . Was it hard to - you said you brought your dog over to Germany . Was that hard to do back then , or was it easy ? Mrs . Osborne : If you brought an animal in , it would be put to death . And so we were just terrified about what was going to happen to our dog , which - he was a member of our family , definitely . We 'd had his mother before him and had him since he was born . And I can remember when we got off the plane in London , we could see his crate being unloaded , and we were just sitting in there watching to see what they were going to do with it . And when we saw it go onto the plane going to Germany , that was such a relief . I don 't know what we would have done if they hadn 't done that . But they were having an outbreak of rabies in England at the time , and that 's why they had just shut down everything completely . But that was terrifying . And the children were already so upset about going that that 's all they needed was to find out that the dog might be missing when we got there . And there were people - when we got to Germany , I remember seeing , there were some animal crates going around , empty , on the carousel . Fortunately , ours still had a dog in it . Mrs . Osborne : And he was so glad to get out of there . But that was the hardest - they would not , back then , they wouldn 't allow animals up in the plane . He had to be down in baggage , which was not heated really or air conditioned or - you know , it was just really , really bad . So we were lucky he survived . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : But the Germans were pretty dog - friendly , weren 't they ? Mrs . Osborne : Oh , very much so . Our dog had so many friends over there . We had friends that Morris knew from work there that wanted to keep him for every trip we went on , and we would come back - he was a dachshund , just a regular sized dachshund , and we tried to keep him fairly sleek , because they do have back troubles , and every time we came back from a trip , he would be just like a football . Mrs . Osborne : Stuffed to the gills , round as all get out , and have garlic breath from all the wurst that they 'd been feeding him . He just loved those German friends and they loved him . Oh boy , " He is just such a good dog , he just loves staying with us . " Yes , he did . He got spoiled rotten . And we 'd have to run him all over the place to get him slimmed down again , get him back on dog food . And , " I don 't know why you feed him dog food . He really likes salami better . " Well , yes , he does . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , the weather . It got dark so early . It would be , in the wintertime , it would be dark - by the time our children got off the school bus , it was already dark . So playing outside , there wasn 't any such thing . And it was dark when they left for school in the morning . Just all kinds of things like this . And where we were , we didn 't have a lot of snow . The temperature 's something like Oak Ridge , except a little bit more - it rained every single day , and you didn 't have the sunny days . Like , Oak Ridge is wonderful in that we have these beautiful sunny days in the middle of winter that just restores your faith in humanity and life . Everybody needs this , and in Germany you did not have this . It was just gray , day after day after day . Of course they had lots of celebrations and lots of parties and Fasching was huge , huge . Fasching was a time of parades everywhere and lots of people dressing up and we went to special Fasching parades and villages over there where they had people all dressed up in these very old masks , witch masks , wooden ones , and went around dressed as witches and poked their brooms at the dog - you took your dog everywhere in Germany - and would give out candy to the children , you know , scare them and then give them candy , this type of thing . Everything was just so different and it was so clean over there ; it was wonderful . You were responsible for keeping the street in front of your house clean , and I was responsible for keeping the stairs and the landing - we were on the second floor of a house , where we were living , and I was responsible for keeping that mopped . Now , some things were very , very hard . The German washing machines back then - this was in the days of polyester , and a lot of our clothes were polyester , and the German washing machines started with cold water , heated the water up to boiling , took like two hours to do a load and sort of boiled the clothes , so what happened to polyester was terrible . We did not ever buy a German washing machine . We wound up Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . So did your children enjoy school in Germany and did they learn German ? Mrs . Osborne : Our daughter did and our youngest son wound up enjoying it . Our oldest son did not . He just couldn 't make it . We had assured him that if he would just try , that if he couldn 't make the switch , we would send him back to graduate with his class here , because he was a senior in high school . And he just could not make the change . So we sent him back to Oak Ridge by himself just about New Year 's . He had to be back for a whole semester in order to graduate with his class at Oak Ridge High School . So some friends of ours that had a daughter his age had said he could stay with them . He didn 't know them that well , but he came back and stayed with them . It was very , very hard on him . I would never do that again . I don 't know how we would handle it if it ever came up again , but that was , for him , it was a bad , bad year . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , it is too bad . The other two wound up making a switch . Linda wound up becoming very good in German and Paul wound up enjoying himself . Now they were going to an American school on the Army base . We had promised them - there was no school that taught in English around there , and we only had six weeks notice that we were going to be going , moving over , so we had no time to learn the language ahead of time . So we had assured them that they would be going to a school where they would be taught in English . So they went to a military school , which was a terrible school . It was not a good one at all . After going to the Oak Ridge schools , it was a real , real letdown . The first class we ever took our oldest son into , it was an English class , and there were guys sitting in there reading comic books , getting credit for reading comic books , and David had been in advanced classes at Oak Ridge High School . Mrs . Osborne : So the teacher just said to us , " Get him out of here as fast as you can ; send him home . " So that 's another reason that he wound up going home . So he did okay scholastically , but emotionally it was just really not good . He was too young to be away from the family . Mrs . Osborne : Yes . It was not easy . They spoke English to him and spoke German to each other , so that he had to really learn fast and try to get really good in order to know what was going on , and it was not easy for him , either . We were the first of several families that were sent over for this project , and it was a project to have the - like , Morris was supposed to be working with people over there who were working on the same type of thing that he had been working on here at the lab , so that they didn 't have to duplicate the same experiments and whatnot . They could share information back and forth , which obviously makes sense financially as well as other ways , so that 's what it was all about , and we learned a whole lot by being over there , found out how insulated we had been living in our little puddle here in Oak Ridge , that we thought we were big time stuff because there were people here from all over the world and actually we weren 't all that big time stuff . When you get out in the world , you find out . So we learned a lot of different - did lots and lots of traveling , went to Holland and Belgium and Spain and Egypt and Italy , and we have all the usual things : got robbed in Italy , got sick in Spain . And went to Czechoslovakia , which was a closed - in country back then and that was on a - actually , we joined a military tour , or one that was sponsored by the officers ' wives club , this sort of thing , so it was very inexpensive . And did the same thing - went to London . I took the kids and went to London for three or four days and went to the ballet and just did all kinds of - the museums and whatnot . Just did a lot of things so that they had all kinds of advantages over people that never get to do any of these things . And I had all kinds of advantages this way . I loved the traveling . I loved going to different castles and seeing all the churches and the age of the cities . Like , they 'd be having their thousand year anniversary . And that 's when the United States was having its two - hundredth . Mrs . Osborne : We were having a really big celebration and everything , and Elvis Presley died while we were over there , and that was a big thing in Germany , too . I was just amazed at how much the Germans loved him . But he had been in Germany when he was in the military . And I was in a German American woman 's club in which we had a little cooking group of eight ladies , and we took turns cooking . The American ladies would cook one month and the German ladies would cook the next month , and then exchange recipes and whatnot . Jimmy Carter was elected president while we were over there and he had cheese grits . Well , they had never heard of cheese grits , and they wanted to know what they were , so we fixed a brunch for the ladies in our group , the German ladies , in which we fixed cheese grits and sausage balls and eggs and this sort of thing , like you would have a southern - and biscuits and whatnot . And they did things like - everything that they did had lots of liquor in it . We had Black Forest cake , which has a whole bottle of Kirschwasser in it , which is , whoa , that stuff burns all the way down . I think you could light the cake on fire . Mrs . Osborne : And just lots of things like that , and had some of the most wonderful mushroom soup that they made one time , just some things that you would never have had an opportunity to try otherwise , just heavenly . And you learned what some of the customs were . Anytime you have a coffee over there , you end the coffee by serving something alcoholic just before you send everybody home , which is not what 's done in this country . Mrs . Osborne : And we were always scared to death that we would get stopped by the police on the way home . But you couldn 't insult them by saying no . At least we never would have done that . Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Yeah . But they appreciated finding out some of these things . And we had just a regular picnic for them one time with hotdogs and hamburgers and potato salad and the whole thing , just as they were trying to do typical dishes for us that they would use . So it was fun exchanging . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I was very restless when I came back and I had been to so many wonderful , wonderful museums , that I thought , I want to work for a museum . So I went down here to what was then the American Museum of Atomic Energy , which is now the American Museum of Science and Energy , and I got a job . And the longer I worked there , the more responsibility they gave me . I started out working in the gift shop and working as a - doing one or two of the little audience shows that they had . I did the genetics show with the animals , and then I wound up - they were giving me more things to read and more things to read and wound up doing one on reactors . I think I told you that when I found out that I had this physics class from Harvard in my audience one day around the reactors , I decided , oh boy , you better get back to school if you 're going to answer questions from people like this . So that 's when I decided to go back to school , and I went back to UT and started after twenty - five years of being out of school , just signed up for a full load . I continued working at the museum the first year and then I had to quit because I just had too many labs and everything to have time for that . So I went back for two years , loved it , just loved going back to school , because that 's one of those things you get your pats on the back , just right away . Here 's your grades . You 're either doing well or you 're not doing well , you know , you have something . It 's so different from being a housewife and always sort of wondering , " Did they really like that meal ? " Because the one that didn 't is going to tell you about it , but if they did like it , they 're not necessarily going to say anything . Going back to school is really a positive experience ; it was for me . And I really enjoyed being around the kids . They treated me like I was practically one of them . They loved to borrow my notes because I took very good notes and much better than they did , and they like to study with me for exams and stuff . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : YoMrs . Osborne : Well , actually , no . It had been twenty - five years , and I just - actually it had been thirty years since I had done that , and I had never really used my shorthand , so no , I really couldn 't do that . But I certainly was really good at other things , and I just took things that I enjoyed and wound up getting my degree in Botany and doing some lab work for one of the botanists over there that was a lot of fun . I mean , it was a lot of work , too , but it was fun to do it . I thoroughly enjoyed it . I wound up trying to grow a strain of something or other and when she , my professor , examined what I had been carefully - every time , every week - dividing and spreading out on another Petri dish and dividing and this sort of thing , she found I was growing an absolutely terrible strain of staph [ Staphylococcus ] . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : But I 'd done it well . So , I said , " How could I have gotten that ? " And she said , " Well , everybody has staph on their body . " Mrs . Osborne : Yeah . And even though you 're running your hands under these lights to - you know , you 're washing and everything and then you 're running them under the special lights before you 're putting them under the hood to work and everything . But evidently I 'd gotten a staph bug in there . But she caught it and no harm done . And I had certainly learned the procedure even though I hadn 't grown the right thing . So that was interesting . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : What an interesting experience . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : [ laughter ] Ah , yes , a student like me is really - oh , and I 'd learned - one of the really exciting things that I did , we had a lady professor , assistant professor , that taught one of my lab courses that specialized in spiders . So she was going to have us specialize in spiders that quarter . We had to go out in this field when it was all wet with dew and whatnot and try to trap spiders , crawling around on our hands and knees . And I thought , if my bridge club could only see me now : I 'm out here crawling around in the mud trying to find spiders , which I absolutely hate and trap them in this little glass jar and then dot them with a dot of color . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : We had started out in a babysitting club together with our children way back when I had the first child . We didn 't have grandmothers and people around that could babysit , and so a lot of the mothers banded together , like , twenty - five , thirty mothers would band together into a babysitting club , and took turns keeping the books . A different woman kept the books every month and you took calls from people who wanted a sitter and calls from people who were available to sit , and you matched them up this way . And if you used a sitter for three hours , you had to sit for somebody for three hours . And so it didn 't cost you anything . You had a well - trained mother that was sitting with your children , so you didn 't have to worry about them , and back then this was just really important , because everybody was getting by on as little as possible and wanting a good sitter , so this is what we did . And so I had met Connie in this , and we had formed a bridge club way back then . Well , she said they needed a clerk at the library and why didn 't I come and interview . So I did . And I didn 't want to be a library clerk per se , but then she explained that probably the circulation supervisor would be leaving within the year and they thought I might be interested in that job and that the experience of being a clerk for six , eight months would certainly stand me in good stead , seeing as I didn 't have a library degree . So I did that . I worked as a clerk , and then I became the circulation supervisor , and was that for like ten years . And that was my - and then I had to retire because I 'd worn out my knees at that point , particularly one knee . I was on crutches at that point . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I learned how tough it is to tell people they have to pay for overdue books when the reason their books are overdue is because their husband had checked them out and then had died . And I was not allowed - because the money went in - all the overdue monies went into the City general fund . I was not allowed to forgive a single nickel of an overdue thing . And that is so hard to find out the reason these are overdue is because " I didn 't even think about the fact that , you know , we had these out when John died . " And of course you would normally say , " Well , don 't worry about it ; we 're just happy to have them back . " Nope , I had to charge . That was really hard . And then there was the day that there was this nice young man that was obviously going to college and didn 't have much when he came in and he had his backpack , and he started taking these books out of his backpack , putting them up on the counter , bringing them back , and as he did , these huge roaches went crawling off , just running off from these books . Mrs . Osborne : I didn 't want those roaches running around the library . And I had to take the book back and wash it well , but we had plastic on it . He was so embarrassed . Mrs . Osborne : So that was one of my memorable moments . And then there was the man who brought a book back in a plastic bag and said , " I think you might want to throw this away . " And I 'm saying , " Why would I want to throw the book away ? " [ He said ] , " Well , it 's not a good book . I don 't think you want to have it . " [ I said ] , " I don 't think we have the right to judge whether a book is a good book or not . " [ He said ] , " Well I still think you ought to throw it away . " I kept trying to find out why , and finally it turned out that it was because he had dropped it in something very , very bad and had tried to wash it off somewhat , put it in the plastic bag and brought it back . Needless to say , we threw it away . Mrs . Osborne : People are more fun . And then there were all sorts of just lovely people that came in that I hadn 't seen for years : people I 'd gone to high school with , people that had been friends of my parents , just lots of wonderful , wonderful people that it was such a pleasure to see and to renew acquaintance with and to help . And they love the library . Oak Ridgers really use their library a tremendous amount . It 's very , very important to them . And it 's a very good library , frankly . And I know you want to hear about the man with the shoe fetish . Mrs . Osborne : It was a nice young man who had some mental problems that I had never heard of before . I had never heard of a shoe fetish before . And he pigeonholed me one day back in the stacks asking me to help him find something . And while we were back in the stacks , he started admiring my shoes and saying he 'd " love to get some like that for his mother and what kind were they ? " And I couldn 't remember what kind they were , so I , being very accommodating , pulled one off to see what the brand was , at which point he grabbed it out of my hand , and then I had to try to get the shoe back from him , and that 's when I realized something was wrong . And I was so embarrassed . I finally got my shoe back and went running back into the back room and told somebody about it , and everyone started laughing . And I had just met the man with the shoe fetish . And evidently , most everybody had met him sooner or later there and I had just run into him . He never did anything terrible ; he just liked shoes . And it was embarrassing , very embarrassing . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : About the same number that work there now , I think . I don 't think they 've been able to add or subtract much of anybody since I was there . It was not computerized at that point , so there were a lot of mundane jobs that had to be done , like we had to put date due cards in every single book that was checked out , book , record , whatever . And we had to every - that 's when people were checking out lots of records . And we had to check every single record when it came back in to see if it had been scratched or warped or something or other , because , it 's amazing , the number of people who didn 't understand that the LP records , if you left them in a car , even for ten or fifteen minutes , would warp . Mrs . Osborne : And they would have to pay for them then because the library , obviously , had paid for them . So a lot of things that took a lot longer to do back then - we had to take a book card out of the pocket , back pocket , of every book , so that we knew what was checked out and what wasn 't checked out , because now you can just , you know , key it into the computer and " Oh , oh yeah , that book 's checked out , " you know , " And it 's due back a week from Wednesday " or something . Well , then , we couldn 't . We would have to go through all of these cards . So we had cards that had to be alphabetized every single morning , and it was from all the things that had been checked out the day before . So you alphabetized them , and then you worked them in with the other cards . And so if you were not able to alphabetize , you couldn 't work at the library . That was one of the tests that was given to every page , every clerk , everyone that went to work there . And it 's amazing the number of young people that could not alphabetize . So being a page at the Oak Ridge Public Library was a real leg up also . That was a good job . It was hard , and if you were a good page , you were capable of doing almost anything in life . That 's the amazing thing about it . Because you had to be able to work with people , get along with people , you had to be able to do things quickly , you had to be able to be very agreeable and just - taking the truckloads of books out and putting them in the right place . Every once in a while , we would find that we had just all kinds of books out of place , and we would find we had a page who was being lazy . They were just taking them out and just sticking them somewhere , which involved , then , either my retraining , talking to them about changing their way or else firing them , one or the other , depending on what they were willing to do . And we had volunteers that came in that helped put the books up also , and every once in a while we would have a volunteer that absolutely could not put them in the right place . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : How many pages and volunteers did you manage ? Mrs . Osborne : I had eleven people under me , of which - they were - all the clerks were under me plus all of the five pages were under me . So , six clerks and five pages , and that 's the most , like my boss only had one person under her and that was me . And the head of reference only had the reference librarians under her . Because the pages change every year , I was always going through training and retraining , which meant I was working late , night after night , because the pages didn 't come to work till like five o ' clock , and I got off at 5 : 30 . Well , if you 're training somebody , you have to be around . So I put in lots of extra time doing that . Mrs . Osborne : It was , it was . I enjoyed it , though . I liked a lot of it . I disliked some of it . I disliked the autonomy , I guess , the fact that you didn 't have the right to be as understanding as you would like to be . And for me that was hard . As I said I was definitely a square peg in a round hole when it came to that . But it takes all kinds to make a good library , I think . Mrs . Osborne : The people , working with the people , seeing them , trying to please them , trying to help them find what they wanted , what they needed , help the kids get the help that they needed for different papers , this sort of thing . I was constantly amazed by damage that people would do to books . I had never known that some people would cut pages out of reference books to avoid paying ten cents to make a copy of a page , that they would just deliberately go back in the stacks and do this sort of thing . I had never known that people would take the expensive tables that you have down there , special ones , and carve things in them , so that you wind up having to buy these special heavy Plexiglas tops for all of them to keep them from being ruined . Just a lot of things like this . I just did not realize that you had people like that . Mrs . Osborne : Guess I grew up in a very small , little , little group of not doing things like this , so I was just amazed at some of the things . Every time somebody got something stolen , I was shocked . I actually threw one young man out one night who was being just terrible . He was a guy that had been a big star at Oak Ridge High School in football , but he 'd never really learned to write his name , and he 'd been in special ed classes all along , so he could print his first name and the first initial of his last name , and that was it . So he liked to hang out in the library . But by this time , he was in his twenties , and he was drinking heavily , and he would come in and want to use the phone . And that 's not a thing you normally do is let people - you certainly can 't leave somebody in the back workroom at night by themselves using the phone . You have to stay by them . So it turns out his important phone call was to a girl he was trying to get a date with for the night . So I told him he had to get off the phone , and he kept on talking and I kept telling him to get off the phone . I finally just cut him off , at which point I thought he was going to hit me , he was so astonished that I would do that . And I beat him to the punch in that I just pointed my finger at him and said , " Get out of here right now . Don 't you come back here tonight . " I was so angry at him because he - I was so busy out at the front desk and he 's taking my time to be back there to try to talk a girl into letting him come over . And he said that was more important , so anyway , he left . And I thought afterwards , my gosh , he could have really hurt me if he 'd wanted to . So that was pretty dumb on my part . Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know . I did not ask them . They invited me back as a volunteer to do the same work that I had been doing , and I went back a time or two , and then I thought , wait a minute , this is kind of dumb . If I could not work here because my knees were so bad for pay , why am I coming back as a volunteer to do the very same work ? So I decided I would do something else . Mrs . Osborne : Well , I went back to doing a lot of the volunteer work that I used to do . I had always done lots of volunteer work at different things . I had always - well , I 'd taught swimming for the Red Cross for years , enjoyed that thoroughly . I taught the swimming badge for the Boy Scouts , lifesaving badge for the Boy Scouts , taught different classes at church . For the last fifteen years , I 've been leading classes in helping people find their spiritual gifts that God has given them , which has been just one of the most exciting things to do imaginable , and leading other small groups . I 'm a very strong believer in that to have a deep faith in God , you need to belong to a small group , that people help sustain you , help you sustain your faith and support you in all kinds of things . And not everyone is fortunate enough to have a group of friends or people like this . And that 's what small groups do . And so studying and deepening your faith while you are making these relationships or carving out these relationships makes it doubly precious and really sustains you for years in everything you do . It 's been very helpful for me . Mrs . Osborne : Nope , no , they always had lots of volunteers and I always thought I would go back there . I did do the voice for one of their Oak Ridge shows way back . I was on recording there . Mrs . Osborne : It was a slide show . I 'm sorry , it was a slide show that they did with the voice going along with it , and the voice that went with it was me . And that went for quite a few years before they changed shows . So now they have professional people that do that , and I have never been a professional voice person . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I also sing . I used to . Since I quit working down there . I discovered that I 'd always wanted to be a torch singer and I love singing some of the old love songs : Gershwin , Cole Porter , and just a lot of the songs from the Second World War and just a lot of things like this I like . There are needs for this in some of the retirement centers and at the Keystone group down here , which is the daycare center for people with problems . Music stays with people longer than any other kind of memory . Singing some of the old songs brings back all kinds of things for them , and I love doing it . We were having cabarets at church also almost every year for a while when we would be putting on a dinner . And then eventually we wound up not doing a dinner ; we did just delicious homemade desserts and the show , and selling tickets . So I did a lot of this . I did a little directing and a lot of singing and this type of thing , and then I sang at the Daily Grind , which was a coffee house here in Oak Ridge , and that was fun . Mrs . Osborne : Right , right . They 're in the corner at Jackson Square . Yeah , I used to do that on Friday night once in a while . And , you know , you 'd end up singing for three hours straight , and that takes a little training to be able to do . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , that 's neat . You know , you were here during the sixties , and I think that Margaret Mead came here in the sixties . Is that right ? Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : I 've heard that she was critical of Oak Ridge because there weren 't any grandparents in Oak Ridge and she thought that you needed - Mrs . Osborne : Oh ! Well now she 'd be critical of Oak Ridge because it 's all grandparents . [ laughter ] Mrs . Osborne : You know , she , bless her heart , she just had to be critical of things , and that 's a good point . But a lot of people wound up getting their parents to move here after they had children and said they were staying on here . After their parents retired , their parents wound up moving here and retiring to help take care of their grandchildren and whatnot . But , yeah , I remember she was not - she didn 't seem to find as much joy in Oak Ridge or pride in it as we all thought she should . And then there was a doctor - who was the doctor from Georgia that I used to go to ? Mrs . Osborne : Dr . Greenblatt , from Georgia . He was a specialist in hormones , and Carbide actually had him come up and talk to all the wives that would go to hear him , about how to go through difficult times in your life , go through menopause or whatnot , or how to help your children out if they were having hormone problems or this type of thing , and he came up , and that 's where I went to hear him . And he was very far out as far as most people were concerned . He believed in having not just shots , hormone shot , or taking pills , but he believed in having them put pellets , hormone pellets , into the abdomen or into the hip that would last for five to six months for people . And he did the same thing for children that were not growing as they should or not developing as they should , and he was a specialist in this down at the University of Georgia , I believe . Mr . Osborne : I think it was the University of Georgia at Augusta . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , okay . So , anyway , I used to have one of his books that he had written , also on this . He was really an expert on this . And I wound up going to him quite a few times . He was an amazing man . All these people that are really amazing have egos , or a lot of them , have egos to go along with it . So they are sometimes their own worst enemy . But it 's amazing how much they know . And Oak Ridge just seemed to have the best of everything back in the fifties and sixties . Back when I was a girl , you didn 't have to worry about locking your doors , you didn 't have to worry about who your children were going with , because everybody that was in here had been investigated and had some sort of clearance or some sort of investigation done . You did not have to - it was just safe everywhere . And one of the really neat things is there were all these greenbelt areas between houses to give you more privacy , so you didn 't have just house right behind house behind house in a lot of cases . And I know where we lived , there was a gravel path that went through the woods and up these - across a little bridge that across this great huge drainage ditch that would just be roaring with water after the rains , and up some steps and up onto Georgia Avenue , and then right over down one of those lanes and down to the - across Blankenship field and up to the school there . That 's how I walked to school . And when you 're coming home from the movie , that 's how you walked home , through the woods this way , and it was perfectly safe because there weren 't any weirdoes around that - at least certainly no weirdoes that anybody heard of or knew about . Everything was completely safe . And as a teenager , this was just so romantic to get to walk through the woods with your boyfriend and be out of sight of your parents this way . I mean this was just really really terrific . Mrs . Osborne : We had a " D " house down at the bottom of Fulton Lane . It was the only " D " house on the street , and we had to live in the Guest House for the first two weeks waiting for our things to get here and for the house to be finished . And they finished the house and we moved in , and it was a very , very nice house . It was at the bottom , so we were at the cul - de - sac sort of thing . We had houses across the street . There wasn 't anything at the end but just a parking area and then the woods behind us and our porch faced the greenbelt area . A " D " house was really a lovely house . Mrs . Osborne : Senior . He was the one that wound up having the heart transplant and this sort of thing . Anyway , he was the only one out there at that time . And then , after I had been on the Math Panel - I don 't remember how long , I guess just a year or two - they hired a young black woman mathematician - she had her master 's degree in Math - to come and work on the Math Panel . Really a nice young lady . Her husband was a professor at Knoxville College . So when she came , I didn 't realize what a big deal this was , but other people did . When you 're twenty - one , you don 't sometimes realize how important some things are , and it turned out that for her to go to the cafeteria was absolutely terrible , because we were like three blocks from the cafeteria , so you always walked down , naturally , because you couldn 't bring your car in . So you walked to the cafeteria , you bought your food , you sat in there and ate . So you would go to lunch with friends . So when - I can 't remember her name . That 's terrible ; I can picture her but I cannot remember her name . But she was really nice , and so we made plans that three of us were going to take turns going to lunch with her so she would never have to go down there by herself , because sure enough , when she walked in the cafeteria , a lot of the workmen would glare at her and make comments and this sort of thing , because there just had not been any black people eating in there and they were not used to this at all . So we made sure that she never had to go by herself to the cafeteria . And this was fine . We had worked [ it ] out very well , and we enjoyed having lunch with her . Mrs . Osborne : No , but it would have been really tough for her to have to sit by herself at a table , you know . They would not have done anything to her , I 'm sure , but they would have gone out of their way to make comments or something like that . But the fact that she always had two guardians , more or less , with her made it much easier . So her husband had a birthday while she was working there at the lab . So she decided to have a big party for him , and she invited Morris and I , and she invited this other girl from the Math Panel , Nancy Dismuke and her husband Stewart , to go also . So we decided we were all going to go , wondering what it was going to be like , and so we drove with the - the Dismukes drove , we rode with them over to Knoxville and to the Knoxville College area there where they lived and we went into this party . And everybody in the party had a master 's degree or a Ph . D . except for us , I think . [ laughter ] Except for Morris and I , that is , because Nancy Dismuke had a master 's . But they were all from Knoxville College , professors , and there were some white professors . I didn 't realize Knoxville College had some white professors at that point , which they did . So it turned out it was really a strange feeling to be completely surrounded by all blacks , because I had never in my entire life had this happen . And it was just - strange is the only way - and I 'm sure it was as strange for them to see us coming in when they didn 't know us at all . The other white people that worked at Knoxville College fit in just fine , but we were - they weren 't real sure about what we were going to be like or what we were going to say or do , I 'm sure . But we played games and wound up having a nice time . It was a lovely party , with your usual soft drinks and cake and coffee , and this type of thing , and just a happy birthday . Her husband was a really nice guy . She didn 't work for a real long time . She only worked for about a year or two there and then she left . I have a picture of the Math Panel group with hDr . Hamilton - Brehm : Yeah , I 'm sure . When did they start doing the free breakfasts for underprivileged children ? Mrs . Osborne : I honestly don 't know , because they didn 't have them when I worked at Linden . The child was allowed to - the one child I was thinking of was allowed to sleep under a table until almost noon because he was so tired . There were like ten kids in the family and one bed , and so he always got pushed out of bed because he was the youngest . So he would come and sleep under this table , and then would - I don 't know if he had to wait till lunch or if when we had recess , whether they could get him something to eat then . But I know that the counselor there at school would take him up and shower him off and find clean clothes for him and this type of thing , because he had no care at home at all , this one child , had not whatsoever , and it 's just pitiful to see this happen . But they could have been a white family . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yeah . Now , I did not know that until much later that Oak Ridge had a real problem finding teams to play them in the different sports , in football or in basketball because they had integrated . We 're a government town , and so naturally you are integrating . And the other schools around in Tennessee did not want to play a school that had blacks on the team . They weren 't going to have their boys having to get up close and personal and play these guys . So they had an awful time filling the schedules , and they had to offer all kinds of incentives in order to fill the football schedule and whatnot , so that was tough . Mrs . Osborne : We did at that time . We had better equipment , better uniforms . The poverty level around in Tennessee was - or the poverty , not just the level , but the poverty - was very prevalent , and it showed up in things like teams and uniforms and all this sort of thing , which was not considered such a big deal back then as it is now . Now , everybody knows that the more important thing , part of school , is your football and your basketball . Anyway , but that may be one reason we 're behind the Chinese and Japanese , I 'm not sure . But anyway , then it wasn 't that big a thing , and we also , of course , had much better schools . We had teachers that came from all over the place and we had classes - we had science classes that they didn 't have in the local schools around , just all sorts of things here , as well as having drama and art and music and - I 'm sure they had music in some of the things , but we had - Oak Ridge schools just had a lot of things that other schools in the surrounding area could not afford , and that was sort of held against us . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : And also , you had said something about going to shop in Knoxville and Clinton . What was that like ? How did they treat Oak Ridgers ? Mrs . Osborne : Well , I did not shop in Clinton . Clinton was a real little backwater town . It wasn 't worth stopping in , I 'm sorry , at that point . Now , it 's a lovely place to go antiquing , and once you found out about Hammer 's , back before they moved particularly , Hammer 's was always fun to go to . Mrs . Osborne : Hammer 's was a local department store that was in this old building with all kinds of little out - of - the - way rooms and whatnot and little steps here and there and roundabout and they would get in truckloads of stuff that maybe came from a fire sale or came from something or other or came from QVC that didn 't sell . I 'm not sure where all . And they 'd sell at just really , really small prices . I know a girl who got lots of money for college by buying these - what were the shirts that had the duck on it or something like that ? Mrs . Osborne : Izod shirts . She used to go to Hammer 's and buy the Izod shirts , the seconds , and sell them to her sorority sisters at the University of North Carolina for regular prices and make all kinds of money this way . She was very much an entrepreneur and earned a lot of money this way . But that 's the sort of thing that Hammer 's had , if you could get in there . Somebody I know bought a baby grand piano from them . I did buy some wicker furniture from them once , and I used to go over there and get fabric and I 've gotten , you know , a few articles of clothing there at different times , but now it 's - it still has some good buys , I 'm sure , but I 'm too old and tired to shop there anymore . Mrs . Osborne : It moved , no , it 's still in Clinton , but it 's out at the other end of Clinton , now . It 's not in downtown Clinton anymore ; it 's out just before you get to the river , out past where the fairgrounds are on the other side , so it 's not as interesting . It 's in a normal place now instead of being in a funny little hole place . Mrs . Osborne : I did go to Knoxville , and the thing that was so remarkable about Knoxville is the coal soot . I can remember standing on the corner , waiting for a bus , and winding up with black specks all over my coat and my face , and if you touched them , it just spread , because it was coal soot , and it would just grind right into your skin and into your coat , the fabric of it , whatever , and I had never - I mean , we had coal furnaces in Michigan , but we didn 't have coal soot like that . I don 't know if it was a difference in coal or - Mrs . Osborne : I do not remember noticing that . Now I know that we had the same furnace in our " D " house that everybody had , but I have no idea if it was a coal furnace or not because I don 't remember ever getting coal from a coal truck . So whether it might have been an oil furnace back then , I don 't know . Mrs . Osborne : We did not get a coal delivery that I know of . We had no coal . Now , the cemestos did not . I know the flattops did , because this friend that I used to visit in a flattop definitely had the place where the coal was kept out in front and the little coal stove inside and whatnot , but in the cemesto you didn 't have that . So whether I was just too dense to remember it or whether we had a different kind of furnace - Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Well , you remembered it being smoggy in Knoxville , so chances are the problems were worse in Knoxville than they were in Oak Ridge . Mrs . Osborne : They definitely were . They definitely were . And this was in downtown Knoxville on Gay Street , because I was standing on Gay Street because Miller 's was on Gay Street then , and Miller 's was the big department store . Mrs . Osborne : Okay , they were fine . It was the kids at school that used to make fun of the way I talked , and one of the words that they always thought was the funniest was the way I said ' cow , ' and they would always say , " Say ' cow , ' Barbara . Listen to her . Listen to her , now . Say ' cow . ' " And [ I would say ] , " Cow . " They 'd " [ laughter ] . " And I 'd think , " What 's wrong with the way I say ' cow , ' " you know , but who knows . Mrs . Osborne : But I could tell whether I was or whether - I think I could tell if you were . So it 's really strange . It depends on where you 're from . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's right . Everybody has different speech features . How do you think - you know , sometimes people talk about having trouble with businesses in Knoxville because they were obviously not from this area , and the Knoxvillians knew that and they didn 't really like outsiders . You seem to have a pretty good experience in Knoxville from what I can tell , and maybe after the Manhattan Project , it wasn 't so much of a problem . Mrs . Osborne : It made the culture so different from every place else , that we 're spoiled . We think that all other towns are bound to be something like Oak Ridge , that they 're going to have people that are willing to listen to the pros and the cons and then make a decision , that there are people who you can argue with and maybe change their mind that aren 't just completely hidebound and something like this . And somehow , when you get away from Oak Ridge , you find that 's not necessarily true . You get into some of the good old boy stuff , and if you aren 't either a Democrat or a Republican , depending on where you are , why , you don 't have anything good to say or anything worth listening to and so forth and so on , and you 're never going to change somebody 's mind . If you 've got God and logic on your side , you still aren 't going to be able to change their mind , that there are people like this . Because the majority of people in Oak Ridge are operating from a brain and they have learned through the years - now , I 'm not saying everybody , but I 'm saying the majority of people that you run into here are people who have used their minds and found out there 's rights and wrongs and there 's some shady , gray shades in this world and there are some things that you just can 't come out and say is either black or white , and this type of thing . I think we have gotten very spoiled . I know our oldest son found this out . He was the one that went into restaurant management and being a chef . When he went to other towns to help open restaurants , he found some of the narrow - mindedness in some of the South Carolina towns absolutely appalling compared to what he was used to from here in Oak Ridge , the people here . Mrs . Osborne : The things that they say , their beliefs , you know , whether it 's the good old boys on football Saturday or whether it 's the fact that they 're going to fly the - I think South Carolina was having a real problem with the Confederate flag back about the time that he was there , so whether it had something to do with that , and the fact that he is a reader . He has just read more stuff than - I thought I was a reader , but he is really - he reads all of an author and then goes on to the next author and then , you know , this type of thing , and he is what I would consider an extremely well - read individual . So the fact that he had trouble finding people with the same interests that he had once he left Oak Ridge , that had something to do with it maybe . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : Were people in Oak Ridge ever worried during the integration of the schools ? I mean , you say you don 't remember many problems , but were they worried about violence ? Because they had all that violence in Clinton . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , yes , they really were . Everybody in the South was worried about violence . And I think as a result , a lot of Oak Ridgers stepped up to try to minimize any violence that might crop up or to try to stop it before it happened , this type of thing . What happened in Clinton was bad , and what happened in Mississippi was terrible , and it just is completely against everything you believe in . If you have a Christian faith , you can 't possibly approve of that sort of thing . And I cannot imagine any of the Jewish faith wanting that sort of thing either , that they would be just as appalled as - I said this badly by saying Christian faith , but my experience is coming from what I think is the Christian faith , but my Jewish friends would likewise be just as appalled by that sort of thing . So I think Oak Ridge definitely stepped up to try to avoid anything like that and to make sure that Clinton was safe going to school here , in the old Linden School , like they could do , and that that was one of the better things that came out of it . Mrs . Osborne : Right , at the old Linden . The new Linden had just opened , and so the old Linden School was not being used at that point . So they came and used that for a year . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : I have a few more questions about when you first came to Oak Ridge and just going back to the war years before you came to Oak Ridge . When you came to Oak Ridge , were you very much aware of the activity of security personnel , the guards ? Did you see much military security around ? Mrs . Osborne : I don 't remember ever noticing them . I mean , I was a high school kid , and I didn 't notice that . I had no reason to . I 'd never been in any kind of trouble . Mrs . Osborne : Yeah , my father always had a very large victory garden , and he was really good at growing all sorts of things , and my mother canned things and dried things . And that was before you had freezers , really , so you weren 't freezing things . Meat was rationed during the war , so I can remember - chicken was not , and I can remember they bought twenty - five slaughtered chickens and canned them one year , just in your big glass jars , so we used a lot of chicken that year . But Dad , yeah , Dad always had lots of tomatoes and corn and just your usual things . And it was out on the edge of town where he had the victory garden . Everybody was renting little spaces to have their gardens , and we would ride out there in the evening and pick and do different things . Dr . Hamilton - Brehm : That 's interesting . I didn 't realize people had them away from their homes . I always thought the victory garden would be at your house . Mrs . Osborne : No , no , it was bigger than that , than your backyard , so I mean you really were growing food . And we also collected the tinfoil from everywhere . If anybody saw a piece of tinfoil , you know , if somebody chewed a piece of gum , you automatically stripped the tinfoil off of it , and you always had a ball of tinfoil in your pocket or somewhere , in your purse , if you were a girl , and you just added that to the ball . And the same was true with string . Every little string , you wound it around . If anybody threw down a cigarette package , you immediately grabbed it up and the inside had tinfoil between the two paper layers , and so you stripped that off . But you saved every little bit this way . And the used cooking oil , saved for something . Mrs . Osborne : And I remember I got , one time , I managed to get a five pound bag of sugar for my mother for her birthday , without using - I didn 't have any rationing stamps , because my mother had all the ration books , and it was her birthday , and I was trying to get something that she would like , and I decided that a bag of sugar would be just perfect . I went to this little store where they knew me and knew my mother , and I asked them if I could possibly buy a bag of sugar , and somehow , I don 't know how , they let me have a bag of sugar , and I took it home and wrapped it up for mother 's birthday . She was tickled to death to get a five pound bag of sugar . Mrs . Osborne : Oh , I 'm sure . My parents would have been extremely happy . I was what , about twelve ? Or less than that . Mrs . Osborne : Well , Dad worked for the Atomic Energy Commission here in Oak Ridge , and came in ' 49 and went to work for them as the assistant head of the Budget Division , and stayed until about ' 63 . In ' 63 , he was transferred to Las Vegas , to the Las Vegas office - which , I never knew AEC had a Las Vegas office until then . They were there for a couple of years and then he was transferred to the Panama Canal Zone to work on the feasibility of building a second Panama Canal . This was before the first Panama Canal had been turned over to Panama . They knew - the United States knew that we had to turn it over to Panama , and they were wondering , they were afraid about what was going to happen . So they got to thinking about , what about the feasibility of building a second one , so that we would always have one . So Dad and several men from Engineering in the Army were the group picked to study this , and so he and Mother moved to Panama . And everybody else that worked on this project was military , so they lived on the military base there , except my mother and father were not military , so they had to live off the base , and the other ladies would let Mother know about how much she was missing by not being able to use the clubs there and the groceries there and all this sort of thing , and [ they would remark ] , " What a shame your house has cracks in it so the bugs come through , " and all this . So , anyway , Mother didn 't like it at all , but Dad loved it . He loved being out in the jungle , and they were trying to find where they would build one . And so they were just back in the jungle a lot of the time , hiking and trying to decide where would be a place that they could do this and how much would it cost , what would be - and they came up with the fact that it would not be a feasible thing to do , so that was their recommendation , was to not do it . Mrs . Osborne : I know when I went back to school as an adult , I heard a young guys talking about - over at the college - I heard a young guy talking about how the cancer rate in Oak Ridge was so high . His aunt had cancer now , and that she said it was due to all the radiation and everything in Oak Ridge , that everybody was getting cancer . And I said I didn 't think they were . And so then you realize that if you try arguing with him , you 're not going to get anywhere , that , just be quiet and let him say whatever he wants to say , and that 's the only way to go , that he had already made up his mind and was very busy sharing this with the other people in the class , that Oak Ridgers just had more chance of getting cancer than people anywhere else . Mrs . Osborne : They used to do that when I worked at the museum here . They used to ask if I lived in Oak Ridge , and then if I had any children , and they they 'd try to phrase it as nicely as possible , " Were the children all right ? " " Did they have two heads ? " or something like this , so I assured them they were all fine . Mrs . Osborne : Well , it has very good health care . I guess the fact that Oak Ridge has more to offer in the way of entertainment . They have an excellent Playhouse , they have an excellent Symphony Orchestra , they have ballet , a couple of pretty good ballet companies . They can perform with the opera company in Knoxville .
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