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I 've retired from flying the line . Starting August 3 , 2007 I donned the gray pants , white shirt , red tie and blue blazer ; drank the Kool - aid and begin a new life . So far it is good . BTW , I did the change with style , my last flight was a reverse of my first flight for Evergreen , kinda fitting in a way . The whole trip was typical Evergreen , total FUBR . First Evergreen tried to fuck me on the airline ticket to Abu Dhabi . We had a policy , it had just been agreed to , that on long international flights it would be " business or better " . The day before I was to leave I discovered they had stuck me in steerage and to make it even better they had bought the rent - a - pilot going with me a business class ticket . What a way to ensure employee loyalty , back out of agreed policy and then to top it ; stick the employee in the back and the rent - a - pilot up in business . I had nothing to lose , for the first time with Evergreen I said " enough is enough " and refused to go unless it was via " business ' . In typical Evergreen fashion they grumped and tried to pull the guilt trip about how when " they fly , they ride in economy " . . . . Bull Shit . Because Smith wanted it , the LearJet , in McMinnville " now " , " today is too late " , it was hurry , hurry , got to get there and get the airplane back to Oregon No one would tell Smith that the Lear was not ready to fly . I knew it was not ready because I had talked to the mechanic the night before . To be continued . . . . . . . . BTW . . . . . life is good in Tucson . The photo is of the delightful and very delicious Ms . Okguy in our pool . I 'm on my last trip for Evergreen ; the mission is to ferry a LearJet 35A from UAE to McMinnville , OR . I 've been gone for two weeks and still no end , I may end up flying commercial home . We left Dubai a couple of days ago and made it as far a Glasgow , UK . During the pre - flight walk around the pilot flying with me found a loose wire next to the left engine fuel shutoff valve . We found a mechanic to work on it but so far he has not found the correct " pin " to replace the defective one . I 'm like a horse with the smell of the barn , all I want to do is strap the Lear to my ass and fly . If we get out of here this afternoon I expect it will still be a couple of days before I 'm home . I 'll give it one more day then I 'm pulling out the AmEx and buying a ticket out of here . I have posted my resignation letter . I 'm on what I expect to be my last trip as a corporate pilot and boy did I pick a dozy . I 'm bringing a LearJet 35A back from UAE to McMinnville , OR . So far we have made it from Abu Dhabi to Dubai . We have been in Dubai for almost a week and I do not expect to leave here for a couple more days . I expect once we are moving it will only take two or three days to finish the trip . The good news , by the time I make McMinnville I will be through flying for Evergreen . My new gig will be teaching . Life many times comes full circle ; this is one of those times . I started flying so I could teach . That was all I wanted to do . The realities of life soon convinced me that I would have to find another way to earn my living or starve . As they … . who ever they is … . say the rest is history . I 'm looking forward to the opportunity of returning to the classroom and to the Sim . Hard time off had a little to do with it as well . A friend wrote the following in response to one of my emails : " What an amazing company , but I have a feeling we have no idea what goes on behind the scenes that make your missions so unpredictable . They are tied into a lot of situations we will never know about " . Oh how I wish you were right . I fear it is nothing but incompetence and ass covering . This trip is a prime example . . . . . Smith was on my boss 's ass " I want my airplane here now " . So JK is on the mechanic 's ass in Abu Dhabi . The mechanic in Abu Dhabi tells JK that the airplane will be ready last Sunday even though he knows there is no way in hell it will be to get JK off his ass . JK then tells Smith the pilots are on their way to Abu Dhabi on Saturday to pick up the aircraft so he gets Smith off his ass . I know it happened that way because I was sitting in JK 's office while all the conversations were taking place . When I had talked to the mechanic about the airplane the night before he had told me it would not be ready before mid week at the earliest . Pure ass covering , so I get to lay around a J . W . Marriott for a week ( $ 500 USD / day / room ) paying a contract pilot $ 1 , 000 USD a day just because no one will tell Smith the truth . The only reason the company makes money is because of Crony Capitalism , we suck on the government teat . It always amazes me how many right wing nutjobs owe everything to fucking the government but if you were to ask Smith or any of his kind they would tell you government was the problem not the solution . That it is all those welfare queens and immigrants that are sucking the US dry . We stayed with one of Pat 's friends from her middle school days . She and her husband live on a small farm outside of Sterling . They are rebuilding and adding on to the original farm house . The house still uses most of the old walls which must be 30 or more inches thick . The view out the windows is beautiful . The attached photograph is out one of their windows . It is so easy to photograph here , every place you look is just as or more beautiful than the last . Here is a quote from the folks we stayed with " Thanks forthe lovely photograph - is that really the view ? We just take it for granted after all these years ! " I shake my head : - ) We are in Aberdeen . The night before we left Kilmarnock for Aberdeen we went to see one of Pat 's nursing school roommates and her husband . Their home was beautiful , set high over a valley with a wonderful view . They also had a full kitchen or maybe a better way to put it was a kitchen with States sized appliances . I haven 't seen many like it here . Pat was a little envious , can 't blame her , it was a beautiful 100 + year old home in a spectacular setting . The super markets here are running the small shops , the butcher , the green grocer , the fish monger , out of business and what to me is very strange is how every thing in the super market is pre - packaged and how many items are pre - prepared . You can find bacon cooked and ready for the microwave , green beans are cut and wrapped as are the peppers , carrots and almost every thing else , few of the veggies are loose . I guess if I had to work in some of the kitchens I 've seen I would want things ready to heat and eat as well . Pat and I are in Kilmarnock visiting her folks . My vacation was to start on the 16th , on the 16th I was still in Africa . We were scheduled to leave Portland at 07 : 45 on the 17th and catch a connecting flight out of Newark to Glasgow . I spent the night of the 17th in the Canary Islands , no way to make the Portland flight . Luckily the GIV was booked to go through KJFK and spend the night before going on to McMinnville . I hoped to make it to KJFK on the 17th in time for me to jump off and get to Newark to meet up with Pat on her flight to Scotland . We left the Canaries at 10 : 00 local , with the time changes after 7 hours of flight we arrived in KJFK at about 13 : 00 local . I changed into my jeans and grabbed a cab to Newark getting there just in time to catch up with Pat and board the 19 : 45 flight to Glasgow . I had a whole 30 minutes to spare . Talk about working without a net . We haven 't done much yet other than visit and catch up on sleep . Today we walked around the city for several hours and I even had time to make a couple of images . I 've been on a long road trip . One of those if this is Tuesday then we must be in Italy types . We had just landed in Kuwait City and made it back to the hotel from the Afghanistan day trip and were looking forward to our first day with out a flight or a bag drag since the start of the trip , our ass was dragging , when the phone call came . " We have a Lear in Abu Dahbi that we want you to move to Kuwait tomorrow " . It gets worst , they wanted us to catch a 04 : 30 flight with two of the Principals , wait in Abu Dahbi while they finished up their meeting and bring them back with the Lear . We put our foot down and said " no way Jose " , we will get some crew rest , take a later flight and initially only I would go so one of us would be rested for the next day 's flight to Egypt . After I started planing the flight I found out the crew member in Abu Dahbi they wanted me to use didn 't have a U . S . fixed wing pilot 's certificate . After much thrashing around it was decided that my co - captain would have to go anyway . We get to Abu Dahbi in the early afternoon load the aircraft , BTW it is my favorite Lear in our fleet , a really beautiful airplane . I let the other pilot take the left seat even though it was my leg because he has very little Lear time ( < 200 hours ) and I figure it would be a good time to do a little instruction . Little did I know how much instruction I would have the opportunity to do . Just after rotation , as I called " positive rate " the left engine shot craps and rolled back . Once I got the airplane cleaned up and we were climbing , my first thought was " why in the hell did I pick this time to teach " . The obvious good news is he did a OK job and we made it around with out bending anything or hurting anyone . As it turned out the biggest problem of the day was when we tried to get on the airliner to fly back to Kuwait . . . . . our passports had been stamped out and we didn 't have a stamp back in . . . try explaining that to Passport Control . It 's Friday and apparently a High Holy Day . Our driver was late ( called to let us know ) because he had to go to prayers . When he showed up he was in a white dress ? . . robe ? . . . whatever they call it but he also had one of his giveme caps on . No flying yet , we are still working on Sudan permits , so most of the day was spent finding things to eat . I never thought I would find such joy in finding a jar of mayonnaise for sale or for that matter yellow cheese . Still no joy for pinto beans or corn meal . The meat here is very good , no pork but nice chickens and I bought a whole beef tenderloin for almost nothing . The veggies suck big time . Not a clue how I 'm going to work around that other than keep looking for other sources . One thing I 've found is the stores do not all carry the same thing so maybe there is hope . BTW it is really hard to de - glaze a pan and make a decent sauce with out wine , I 'm getting there with other acids but damn I miss my beer and wine . I am not a mathematician so I do not totally understand the Theory of Chaos but to drive in Sudan is , from my understanding of Chaos Theory , a demonstration of the beauty of chaos in nature . Stop signs , it is as if they do not exist , roads . . . maybe we stay on them . . . maybe not , roundabouts are a thing of beauty , all of this going on with an amazing density of vehicular and pedestrians traffic on and along side the road , crossing it , coming on and off buses and private cars and trucks . Add in the donkey , jitney , and donkey cart traffic as well as the number of people living by the roads , some with herds of goats , it is astounding that traffic moves at all . But the reality is that it moves with what appears to be great efficiency . Go figure . Our apartment is on the third floor . It is large with three bedrooms , one bath , a kitchen , and a very large sitting area . It is almost clean , with a combination of English , French and Middle Eastern wall plugs . The best you can say about the bath is it will get you wet enough to soap and with effort you can rinse . The stove is small and the pots and pans are barely usable but I 've managed to feed us so far . We are close to the airport and in a " nice part of town " but that is all relative . There is an ever present dust haze and traffic is unreal . I went to the UN this morning to get my ID badge . For the return home instead of our regular driver I used one from the UN . What an adventure , " yes , yes I know the way " almost two hours later and at least six stops to ask directions we found it . The traffic is insane , it is total chaos , there are ¾ finished buildings everywhere you look , men in white robes riding tiny burros , herds of goats on many of the vacant lots , and people moving , standing , talking , and sitting on rugs under any shade they can find . This is not a place I would vacation but if you were intent on seeing the world it would be a fascinating country to visit and I would guess a must stop if for no other reason than the mix of cultures . I 'm trying to learn how to recognize the different cultures and ethnic groups but for now it is very confusing . Each has different ways of dressing so in time I will get it sorted out . Poor is poor the world over . Khartoum could be anywhere in the third world . It really reminds me of some of the places I 've been in Mexico but here many of the men and women wear long white outer garments and there is not a beer to be found . There really is great cultural diversity , I 've seen Arabs , Blacks , what appear to be tribes men with ritual scarring , and modern clothing , close to the full range of dress . I 'm having visual overload . The trip over went well . We traveled for 4 days . . . the first day was short just one leg Anchorage to Edmonton , next day two legs Edmonton to Thunder Bay and then to Goose Bay to position for the flight across . We were very lucky for the crossing the MNPS had not been approved for the aircraft so we were limited to FL270 for the crossing . With no help we would have had a large " wet footprint " and might have needed a stop in Greenland . As it happened we had 140 knots on the tail almost all the way across and good Wx in Iceland , sure decreased the pucker factor . After Iceland we flew to London and spent the night . What a lovely place . The next morning we left for Crete to grab a drink and then on to Sudan . Because of time changes we finished the trip at 21 : 00 local time . We were met by the UN folks and our local Evergreen rep to speed our way through Customs . All in all a easy trip considering we crossed 12 time zones and almost 50 degrees of latitude . Date 11 / 14 / 2004 : I finally made it out of Anchorage . We flew to Edmonton last night . The departure from Anchorage was hectic with pulling together lots of loose ends at the last minute . Anyway we departed about 4 hours late so I didn 't get a photo of the crew and aircraft before departure but I will get one today . You should see the airplane , packed to the gills with barely enough room for the mechanic , we have to fly about 2 . 5 hours after takeoff to get down to landing weight there is so much junk packed in the cabin . I hope to make either Goose Bay or Gander tonight . The reason I don 't know which one is that Goose did not have any rooms the last time dispatch checked . The airplane seems to be a good one . It is the youngest Lear I 've flown a high 500 serial number , certified RNP and RVSM with all the bells and so forth . It even talks to me , on final approach it tells me when I 'm 50 feet , 40 feet . . . . I think down to 5 feet but I 'm usually too busy to hear it then . . The FMS is impressive and it is an early generation FMS . If you let it you could punch on the autopilot once the wheels were in the well and never touch the airplane other than the thrust levers and a mode change button or two until just before the wheels touch the landing airport . I expect I would be lost all the way if I used it like that : - ) . Even stranger for an old Lear pilot the autopilot flys better than I can . This modern world ( mid 1980 's technology combined with current RVSM air data equipment ) is amazing . On a personal note I packed a big can of peppers and the biggest bottle of Louisiana hot sauce I could find so I figure I can make anything they serve me in Sudan eatable . We hope to be there in about 3 maybe 4 days but the way things go who knows it could take a week or more . One more thing , I 'm saddled with a weak co - pilot . He 's trying hard and I think he wants to learn but he 's older so it may be a lost cause . I will say this for him by his 4th position report last night ( after much coaching ) he got it right . We will see if he remembers how Posted by A couple of years ago I was living the old Chinese curse " may you live an interesting life " . I had two companies shut down on me in one year , one employed over 120 souls and had been in business for 30 years , the other was a start up so it wasn 't much of a surprise . Then in October of 2004I went to work for the third company that year . I expected to be based in Oregon . The day I finished my indoc training and returned to Houston to load the truck for the move to Oregon I received a call requesting that I leave the next day for Anchorage to pick up a LearJet and ferry it to The Sudan . The company was starting a new U . N . contract in The Sudan and the Captain hired for the contract was not able to do the job . Long story somewhat short . . . a little over a week later after ferrying a LearJet 35A from Anchorage to Khartoum , Sudan I 'm flying all over Africa on a U . N . contract . What follows will be a journal and some of the photographs of the 4 months I spent in The Sudan and Afghanistan . I 've had a long couple of days . We had the APU go tits up Monday morning . Sometimes it is better to be lucky than good and Monday was one of those times . We found a " huffer " cart that worked so we could start the GIV and we had one available at the other end . With minimum monkey motion and a short delay we were airborne and completed the planned trip on time . We had a day to fix the airplane before we were scheduled to depart for KJFK and then to London . The shop finally received all the needed parts around 21 : 30 and had the airplane ready to go by 22 : 30 . We still had to fly it back home and get it ready for a two week trip before the 08 : 30 departure . With lots of help from the third pilot we made it . Only one more problem New York WX sucked . They were having their first major snowstorm of the year and the forecast showed us arriving just in time to enjoy the full effects . Our luck was holding , by the time we arrived in New York the worst of the storm was over . It was still cold and windy but the ceiling and visibility were pretty good . When we landed at KJFK the wind was over 20 knots almost directly across the only open runway and the whole airport was a sheet of ice , what a ride . Landing wasn 't too bad other than sliding down the runway with the nose cocked about 30 degrees to the direction of travel several times while trying to stop but the taxi to our ramp was a bitch . It took almost 3 hours from the time we landed to taxi , put the airplane to bed ( put on the covers , pick up the trash , and remove all the liquid stores ) , and get ground transportation to the hotel . The hotel is another story ; I need to do a photo series on the Five Towns Hotel . It is aviation flop house . Most of the locals think it is a " hot sheet " hotel and in a way they are right but it is just pilots using it , not hookers . There are no check - in checkout times . The maid service works 24 hours a day ; your room gets cleaned before you check in and after you check out but not while you are there . Coffee and cake are always in the lobby andPosted by Last one for tonight . The little airport where I 'm based is a throw back to an earlier time . There is always a fresh pot of coffee and someone to either tell you a " there I waz " story or to listen to yours . They could care less about the Lear or the Gulfstream but they sure love the Pacer . Another one from FL450 . We were on our way to Belize and having a great time . Flying air ambulance can be the best job in aviation , this one was . Shame it had to end . I 've been invited to join a group of photographers in a self published book . We will each be able to contribute 3 to 5 images . Over the next few posts I will show the images I plan to use , all are from my Day Job Series . The first is of our cook and station manager in Kabul , Afghanistan . I have only one question for either party . Who will step up and tell the U . S . how and when we will get out of Iraq , not a year from when he is elected , not even 6 months later , but how he will get us out of Iraq starting the day he / she takes office . Once that question is answered the others will follow . What a fucked up mess we have to face , I hope the country and our politicians are up to the challenge . The place to start is a complete de - bushifacation of the government and the Republican Party . Everyone and every origination that had anything to do with the last six years , from the illegal installation of Bush in 2000 to Iraq , must be removed from power and the leaders must be made to stand trial . We must not allow this attack on our Constitution and our Government to be covered up . When we let the last bunch criminals off the hook after Nixon resigned they came back like the living dead . We can not let it happen this time . May their souls rot in hell . Pat and I parked the caravan in a State Park near Lincoln City last week . Pat was able to spend most of the week there and I drove back and forth . The WX was beautiful , clear skies , cool , and very little wind . It couldn 't have been better or come at a better time . Oregon winters can be wet and gray with few breaks , when the WX is good you have to take advantage or you will be nuts by late spring early summer when the skies clear . We didn 't do much but we did see a couple of great sunsets , built a big bonfire , walked on a some beautiful beaches , ate good seafood , read and played cards . I tried to take a break from the political world , but Molly Ivins death brought it all back . I did find one of her books in Goodwill the day she died , damn the world will miss her . The local WX this weekend was beautiful , clear skies , temps in the mid forties , a little windy but not too bad . The wind was just strong enough and coming across the runway enough to make flying the Pacer interesting for an old guy that hasn 't flown tail draggers in more than 30 years . Pat did her first flight lessons in the Pacer on Saturday and Sunday . I used the time she was practicing to sightsee . Saturday we went up the coast to the north and Sunday we went south . The Oregon coast is a magic place ; I never get tired of seeing it . Strange how as we age we return to things of our youth . I don 't really think I 'm trying to slow aging or even trying to recapture youth . It is more a return to the basic things that give pleasure , a return to the reason I chose the road taken . Low and slow with such a feeling of freedom , knowing that the whole world is open to you , that you control the most amazing machine made by man , yet such a simple machine , one that could be built with simple hand tools and by almost anyone . BTW , teaching Pat is part of the joy , watching her struggle , then understand and gain control . To see the same feeling of accomplishment I had when I first learned to fly . For someone with itchy feet there is nothing to compare with the joy of learning to fly . A must read post from Glenn Greenwald . . . . . " We 've now arrived at the point where the White House and its followers reflexively characterize any criticism of the Leader 's war of any kind as aid to the Enemy and an attack on our troops . They don 't even bother any more to pretend that some types of criticism are " acceptable . " It is now the duty of every patriotic American to cheer enthusiastically for the President 's decisions . Anything else is tantamount to siding with the Enemy . . . . " Some Personal HistoryAbortion choice is as important for men as for women . Just before Roe became the Law of the land my future wife became pregnant . We were young with almost no money . She was in Nursing School ; I was working two jobs , nights at a hospital lab and days turning wrenches at the airport , to pay for my flight training . We didn 't have the money to go to NewYork for a legal abortion and there was no way we could have a baby and have any future . By chance one of my jobs while I worked my way through college was Medical Sales and one of my customers was a " Dr . Brown " . I never met Dr . Brown but it was understood that he provided abortions for the wealthy and well connected of Texas . Someway we scraped together the $ 500 needed to have Dr . Brown end BJ 's pregnancy and we both went on to have productive lives . Most in our situation at that time would not have had our options . Their choices would have been have the child and who knows what would happen to their future , give the baby up for adoption , or have an illegal back alley abortion . We must keep Choice . The photo is of an IED found on the Kabul , Afghanistan airport . It couldn 't be simpler , a large pressure cooker , some explosive , a little wire and a motorcycle battery . A few dollars spent and you have the potential to kill and maim many and to destroy multi - million dollar equipment . What a year . Can Shrub fuck up Iraq any worse that it is ? Knowing his history I don 't want to know the answer . I 'm now the owner of a 1954 Piper Pacer . It puts a smile on my face every time I see it . The GIV has new paint and carpet …… looks pretty good . I will post a photo later . I 'm an Ok guy . I 'm a political junky , I work wood , cook , paint ( not much lately ) , do photography , write about art , life , motorcycles , and wood . I fly airplanes for a living . For a guy that grew up on a West Texas dirt farm in the 40 's and 50 's , I 'm OK . I don 't have much use for normal male activities like hunting and sports although I can scratch and ogle with the best of ' em . I know which fork to use most of the time , I don 't say fuck unless it 's needed and for the most part I can get along in polite society . I 've seen more of the world than most people have and I think I can say things about it that may be interesting .
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Okay . Let me say PRoCRAsTINATiOn is STUPID ( sorry shift key is being nasty this morning . ) I am not doing so hot on the concept of pulling contest entries together for OWFI . And I have an appt at 2 and basketball game at 6 and somebody else called and asked if I could " Just swing by to sign a piece of paper . " When I procrastinate , I do NOT need people throwing extra wrenches into my stuff . Ya know ? Lesson lesson lesson lesson lesson lesson lessonThink I 'll get it ? Oh , hell no . This is one concept I 've been beat to death on and I 'm still pushing deadlines all the time . And , holy f ' n crap . I just realized . . . it 's my daughter 's birthday ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Damn . Damn . Damn . Okay , I am totally screwed - - and not in a good way . expletive expletive expletiveOkay . Gotta go and get my shit together . Meanwhile , you go and watch the kitty wash : http : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = a367UDa6xhc & eurl My stuff is at the post office as we speak . Mom took it in for me . : ) It 'd be a special event for me , but since she has to go anyway . . . . I sweet - talked her into it . lol . Dang . Now I 've gotta get my room reserved and hope it 's not too late . Hi , I just stumbled upon your blog after doing a google search for the name Carys . I know this will sound really odd , but how do you pronounce your name ? I 'm expecting a baby soon and the name is appealing but I do not know the proper way to say it . Can you help ? Thanks so much ! Michelle First , for those looking at where to go this spring - - today I am ( finally ) gonna look at the Oklahoma Writing Conference Inc ( http : / / www . owfi . org / ) website / contests to see if I can pull some together before the Thursday deadline . I 'll let ya know how that goes . Second , have you seen Tristan and Isolde , the movie ? I haven 't but oh holy heavens , have you seen the trailer ? Or website ? Check ' em out : http : / / www . tristanandisoldemovie . com / http : / / www . timelessmyths . com / arthurian / tristan . html # RealTristan I have my things ready to go , pretty much . I 'm hoping I can get " Phillip " ready to go between now and noon Thursday . I 've got to come up with a better title though . That one is obviously a working title . lol . Named after the main character . I started it Saturday morning and already have over 5 , 000 words on it . That 's a record for me . : ) I had thought I wouldn 't be going to the conference this year since I 'll be in Eureka Springs all of June , but Mom & Dad decided it 's stupid not to go as much as I enjoy it and they 're paying for me to go . lol . Wow . Surprised me ! I 'm stalling . I 've got to get busy . Too bad it 's on transcription . Thanks for your tips on editing in the e - mail yesterday . I 've tightened it more and have just a few hundred more to look at . * s * I 'm not going this year . My friends fell over with shock when I told them . We started a new business and since I need to go to the RWA conference , I can 't see going to OWFI . I need to put my money toward something that will help my career and unfortunately , I didn 't see any agents , editors or speakers that would do that this year . I know this one guy who will be really bummed . He told me last year that his goal was to not be right behind me in the Sci - fi / horror category in 2007 . ( g ) I sat in on another Joyfully Reviewed chat last night . Some authors are soooo funny . Barbara Karmazin writes sf and fantasy erotica . Check out her forked tongue alien lover . Yeah . You 'll find something different there . She pointed me to youtube - - and I absolutely have to share this Jack Black clip . He puts THE RING on his thing . Too funny . http : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = 7U2XjfmrSFYAnd then she pointed us to this hilarious write - up by a man - writer who works through how to describe his erect penis in a sex scene - - before he gives up and fades it to black . http : / / darkerotica . blogspot . com / 2005 / 03 / manhood - on - subject - of - penises . htmlAnd here 's a few more things to giggle over . Our conversation degenerated to this like this : And then , of course , there are the titty bits . And if they are small , the itty titty bits . But both the lady bits and the itty titty bits can go in an itty bitty yellow polka dot bikini - - to give itty bitty manly bit men fits . Say that three times fast . Author Jade Buchanon was there , too , and she got us SO falling out of our chairs with discussions of manroots . Holy heaven ! Last night , on a whim , I sat in on a chat session for another publisher - - just to see how others do it . Champagne Books Authors were there and I gotta point you to a couple of their books . Okay , first let me aim you at Jenna Leigh . The girl wrote a book called Braless in a Buick . You know she 's got a sense of humor . The heroine struggles with inner voices - - something you know I deal with all the time . This one has Public Allie , Worry Wart , Phobia Queen and Inner Slut . Yeah . I thought you might wanna read about that chick . So , check out the Jenna Leigh Zone . http : / / www . jennaleighzone . com / and see her contest with a $ 25 gift certificate . http : / / www . coffeetimeromance . com / board / forumdisplay . php ? f = 14Other authors there that were seriously fun to chat with : Phyllis Campbell . I 'm gonna go see this one , I liked her so much . She lives in Salt Lake which is where my oldest daughter lives . www . phyllismariecampbell . com should take you to a site where you can see a bunch of her books . I won one ! Woohoo . Can 't wait to read it . She 's got a story called Vow of Deception about a girl that gets a man to pretend he 's her husband . A man she saw the first time - - naked in the creek . Oh , yeah . So , that 's how the story STARTS . The next excerpt she dropped on the chat was a view of the man wrapped in a sheet as Judith ( heroine ) walks into his bedroom without invitation . From what I hear , she 's Champagne 's best selling author . Check her out . And also let me point you to another werewolf writer . You know we love those . http : / / www . rebeccagoings . com / blogs . html Check out Becka 's BEAST OF BURDEN . I won the first copy to be seen by anyone beside Becka , and her publisher / editor . So , I 'm pretty jazzed about that . Especially because she wowed me with one line . This , uh , sexy beast of a man made love to the heroine in his shapeshift - - and doesn 't remember anything , baby , except the way she tastes . . . and he 's dying to get some of that in his mouth again . Yeah , baby . I 'm saying check that one out . And last , I wanna plug a book of a different vein . I don 't havPosted by CarysWeldonblog : : Carys ( and friends ) , lemme know if you like B * E * A * S * T * OF BURDEN ! : DIt 's the SECOND book in my B * E * A * S * T * series , the first being about a white tiger shifter , and that 's entitled THE B * E * A * S * T * WITHIN . This series is doing well for itself so far , so I can 't complain ! : D Thank you , Carys , for blogging about it ! The direct link to the first book is here : http : / / www . champagnebooks . com / TBWI . htmB * E * A * S * T * OF BURDEN doesn 't officially release until February 1st , so keep your eyes peeled ! : D ~ ~ Becka Carys I am so happy that you enjoyed chatting ! ! Please do come by anytime ! There is always someone there to play . . lolChatting With Joyfully Reviewed will be rocking the house for the month of Feb ! So come and bring all your energy ! I would like to point out that I soo don 't run Joyfully Reviewed . LMAO ! ! I 'm a reviewer for JR . Joy and Melissa run Joyfully Reviewed . I DO moderate and schedule chats for Chatting With Joyfully Reviewed . * giggle * When I saw that line about me running Joyfully Reviewed I about spit my tea all over my screen . LOLOh man Carys / Jenn . . whichever one of you is reading this today ( * giggle ) I do love you ! Dee Thanks so much for pointing people towards my insanity , Jennifer ! When I finally ( yes , I 'm slow ) figured out you were Carys as well , I realized I have one of your books , Leader of the Pack . Loved it . . and we 're discussing shifters tonight , thanks to Dee . * grins * I had this post almost finished and my power went out . Only for a second . Only long enough to choke my computer . SO annoying . Anyhow . . . I was talking about sex and euphemisms that people use , and I was quite witty . Sorry you missed that . If this post comes across weak now because I cannot remember all I rambled over already , try not to hold it against me . Oh well . Talking about sex . Yeah , baby . You know that 's what I like . Since we have five kids , my husbnad and I had to develop other terms to refer to sex . . . because you know kids do stuff like , " Eeeewwww . You 're not talking about sex , are you ? " Even when we kiss or pat each other on the butt or whatever as we pass - - which happens all the damn time - - or if we stand remotely close to each other ( probably because we touch a lot ) - - they say , " Hey , stop that crap . There 's kids present here . " Even the ones that are over 21 now STILL do it . We are unrepentant on the touching because a good relationship between a man and woman is made better by attraction and physical closeness . Heads up people , if you are not getting along , get friendly . The man ( or woman ) WILL come around . Will come . Will come around . You get it . So , of course , we use euphemisms . Doesn 't everybody ? We try to be sly . But hell , if you have the " I want sex " gleam in your eye , or the " I 've just been fucked " look - - people can tell , can 't they ? I think so . And the desire to do it gets spread around when you see that , doesn 't it ? Do you use creative terms ? Or hear others using commentary that you know has to refer to sex ? We often refer to " Getting Friendly " and " Homework . " Mention homework in front of my kids ( probably all kids ) and they immediately shut you out of their brain . They don 't wanna talk about it . They don 't wanna hear about it . Your lips can move all day and they don 't hear a word you say . My kids are lucky . They are all smart . They get A 's and B 's without cracking a book . Homework ? Holy crap , if they bring a book home and open it , I know something 's going on . ( Usually a love interest taking all their attentionPosted by CarysWeldonblog : : From Courting Disaster : ( ALGUT ) . . . veered off and slipped down another hallway , in search of Cheya . That wench was too full of herself , and he 'd had as much as he could stand . That - and not nearly enough ! He caught up with her before she made it into the solar . " Chey ! " She glanced over her shoulder , saw who it was and picked up her skirts again to make haste toward the door . His legs were longer , though , and he was quick for a man his size . He leaped in front of her , putting a hand on the door to bar her way . It took him a minute to catch his breath . Meanwhile , he grinned down at her as he waited for his chest to quit heaving . " Get out of my way , Algut . I 'm about women 's business ? " She tried to get around him ; he moved to stop her . She ducked the other way , under his other arm , but he moved again . " All right . What do you want , you big lug ? " She dropped her skirts and lifted her chin . To him , it looked haughty and sexy . " You 're all het up , ain 't ye , lass ? I wonder what gets you so riled ? " She fumed . He touched her lightly on the cheek . She flinched . Pleased with her reaction , he said , " Don 't tell me you 're tense because I 'm so close to you . " He let the hand slide , and drop , down to skim her breast . She grunted and stomped her foot . " Dinna flatter yourself , sir . " Algut slipped the hand to her hip , and lifted his other hand to skim his fingertips across her cheek . " I 'd rather flatter you , Cheya , but I 'm not a man of pretty words . " He did his best to let his eyes , and the way he felt , convey to her a thousand things , all about desire . She nearly fell into his arms , just from reading the message there . He could feel her leaning toward him and he , too , moved closer to her . IThere was a spark of fire between them that leapt to life every time they got within touching distance of each other . Something that stole their breath and pooled in their bellies . He couldn 't remember exactly when it first kindled , but it had plagued him full on since the trip to court . Her lips parted as she waPosted by CarysWeldonblog : : Carys Weldon is irreverent , as you know . She loves Silent Bob ( Kevin Smith ) and wants to point you to his blog . http : / / www . silentbobspeaks . com / Warning - - he uses adult language . The blog is currently discussing his latest diet which he calls : fat fuck vs food . So , you get the tone before you go . It is how I started my day today . The biggest disappointment to me in the whole thing was to hear the man was married . Don 't know why that made me sad . I don 't care how large the guy gets , I like his face . I think he 's sexy . Maybe because he 's usually quiet ? LOL I find many men to be obnoxious the minute they open their mouths . . . unless of course it is for kiss up service . Ah . Ah . See how I 've started the day ? Need to go write about sex because it is so totally on my mind . Pray for me . I 'm a degenerated woman . I spent yesterday morning writing furiously . My WORD program usually auto - saves but for some reason , there was a glitch and I lost hours of work . ( Stupidly my fault because I multi - tasked my system to death . ) I almost always have at least three windows open , more often four or five . My word page , music , email , and internet . Sometimes I get 3 - 4 internet search pages open , switching as they load . so , it 's my own damn fault the system crashed but it doesn 't make me any happier . You would have loved some of the stuff that Levi said to her . But I 'm pretty sure that 's a chapter you 'll never get to re - read , because I hate to re - write the same - o . Oh well , hopefully , I 'll write something better . Maybe not today , though . I have a screaming , banging migraine and it hurts to have my eyes open . I 've taken eight Excedrin . ( among all my other little dealybobs ) It 's not working . I just want somebody to shoot me . In other news , I went to my poetry meeting last night , with plans to turn over the reins - - but we didn 't get enough people to show up , so we couldn 't do a vote . One short . I wanted to vote to throw the rules out ( as my last defiant act as president ) - - they said we had to have one more to vote for that , too . LOLI wanted to vote to throw the treasurer out , too . ( It 's a man . He annoyed me . ) I should have more patience but I don 't have any for men this week . It 's all my husband 's fault , of course - - because when a woman gets enough sex , she isn 't as frustrated and cranky . ; ) Think he 'll read this and remedy the situation ? You 'll know if my next post is SOOO sweet and happy and sappy . But I 'm guessing NO . Who wants to get next a bitchy Carys Weldon ? But then , the girl writes sex for fun - - you 'd think he 'd know the way to work around the lady is to give her a little bit of her own business MORE . I know . TMI . I am sorry . Sex . Sex . Sex . It 's on my mind . I need to go write some , I guess . I was gonna post you a sexcerpt from Courting Disaster this morning but I decided to complain . Maybe tomorrow I 'll give you something . . . wait . I could give yoPosted by CarysWeldonblog : : lol Hope you get over your migraine and get some too . Sorry about the computer . I do that all the time too . And usually freeze up my computer about 4 or 5 times a night . Okay , we all know I 'm a whiney bitch . Crybaby to all my friends . So , this one GREAT friend which I have yet to meet in person , but have told all my worst secrets to - - yes , even things I haven 't told you - - I know , I know , the girl has MORE scandal ? Anyhow , check out my cheer up email that pointed me to go read a horrible , laugh out loud true story : I have a couple of stories on my xanga blog that will at least make you grin . Go to www . xanga . com / Marie9949 then scroll down to where it says " The Food Whore Blog Comment " and click on the links below that . It will take you to the pages for the two funny hospital stories . Xanga won 't go directly to a permalink , which sucks , but if you scroll down to where you see the title of the story , you 'll find them . One 's about a nasty old man and the other is about suctioning a patient . Hi , all . I should have announced this before . . . but yesterday was an all day chat at the yahoo group Joyfully Reviewed . So , I was in and out of there off and on . I took a break and went to church , and taught a lesson to the women - - on my favorite subject - - Don 't Judge Me , and either help me or get out of my way . ( Or something churchy along that line . I twist it all to my end , you know . ) Okay , the real topic was supposed to be about knowing what you should do , and doing it . And that it 's not enough to know , you gotta put works behind that . But hell . We have beaten that horse to death . So , I went with the " take " that our priorities tell on us and we can see what others think are important by the way they spend their time . ( See me ? I bury myself in alternate worlds of my creation because I 'm a hider . ) I scandalized the whole world by admitting publicly that I pray for total obliteration sometimes . Of myself , not all mankind . Well , some mankind . hehehe Don 't ya hate the fact that churches are the place you feel most judged ? Or is that just me ? But , honestly , I think that we go on and on . So , obliteration and utter annihilation is just a dream of mine . For those just tuning in , I whine continuously here about being depressed - - and life in general . Get used to it . Feel free to cry and whine about your own crap . I don 't mind at all . Feel free to tell me to get over myself and post a sex cerpt or something , if you want , too . Maybe I 'll drop you some pieces of my new book , Courting Disaster tomorrow . Or you can just go read the ones I put on the Joyfully Reviewed website yesterday . Anyhow , are you familiar with that group ? You can sign up and email / chat with authors from different publishing houses , and get free books and other giveaways . Usually , they have a day set aside for a specific publisher , but sometimes other authors peek in . And you know , when I go , you get two for one . Jennifer behaves pretty well , but oh hell , when Carys gets in the house , we 're in trouble . You can join that group and read yesterday 's archives to see howPosted by CarysWeldonblog : : Hmmm . . . Quite a variety of subjects to choose from today . lolGirl , if I had known you were in any kind of chat yesterday , I would 've stopped in . : ) As for churches being the place we are most judged : That 's one reason why I haven 't been to church regularly in a number of years . Mom keeps saying we need to find a church here in McAlester . FIne . Go find one . But don 't expect me to go . I 've been to several in this hypocritical little town and none of them are worth going to , IMO . BUt I won 't get started on that particular soap box . Had a blast chatting yesterday while my stupid internet kept booting me off I was able to play a little bit . Was very interesting and found some new authors too . Can 't wait to do it again . lol So , uh , my daughter had a tire on our bronco slashed at the school last Friday . Three or four cars were treated to vandalism . Some had windows smashed and more than one tire , so we got off lucky - - except this stupid bronco has locking lugnuts , and no spare . What should have been a quick replacement has turned into just another one of our long , stupid nightmares . We spent all day running TO DIFFERENT AUTO PARTS STORES in different towns , looking for the damn lug nut removal tool because , of course , we have no key . It gets dumber . We have a towing service on all our vehicles EXCEPT , you guessed it , this bronco . Needless to say , I spent hours and hours in the car , sitting and listening to country music ( because that 's about all you can get in SW Missouri right now ) . I dunno if all the alternative and rock stations are down or what . I did come across a pretty funny song that 's been played a lot . Here 's your challenge - - figure out the name and who sings this . It 's a woman singing about how she 's taking a Louisville Slugger to the headlights of her man 's truck because he 's inside cozying up to another woman . She also keys the pretty paint job and carves her name in the leather seats . Oh , and for those following the basketball tournament my daughter was in . . . we lost by two buckets . ( Many , many bad free throws could have won that game for us - again . ) Hard , tight game , though . Yup , Pamk 's got the right of it . Personally , I don 't think Carrie is all that great . I mean , I think it 's great that she 's local - girl - done - good , BUT - - IMO - - she was not near good enough to win AI . But that 's just me . Well , holy crap . There is another storm coming . Better not ruin my power . I 'm at 55 , 000 words on Candy 's Kisses and wanna stay buried up to my ears in my music and manuscript . Which is why I 'm not gonna stick around chatting here today . Hope you 're staying warm . Cheyenne has another basketball tournament game this afternoon , so I don 't think I 'll get a lot of writing done . Oh , hey . This is funny . I had a dream that I should email Donald Trump . ( You know , because he and I are SO TIGHT . Ha . ) It would not let me sleep . Just to email him and say , " Hey , let 's me and you meet . You know , get together without any media coverage , on the sly . " Any dream interpreters wanna snag a line on what that 's all about ? What 's bad is that Donald Trump , who has never been attractive to me , now seems doable . LOLAnd we just have a smattering of snow and drippy rain at the moment , so the weather didn 't get as bad as they expected . ( YAY ? ) You probably know all this , but sometimes a refresher is a good thing . STROKE : Remember The 1st Three Letters . . . S . T . R . A friend sent this to me and encouraged me to post it and spread the word . I agree . If everyone can remember something this simple , we could save some folks . Seriously . . Please read : STROKE IDENTIFICATION : During a BBQ , a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine ( they offered to call paramedics ) and that she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes . They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food . While she appeared a bit shaken up , Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening . Ingrid 's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - ( at 6 : 00 pm , Ingrid passed away . ) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ . Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke , perhaps Ingrid would be with us today . Some don 't die . They end up in a helpless , hopeless condition instead . It only takes a minute to read this . . . A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke . . . totally . He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized , diagnosed , and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours , which is tough . RECOGNIZING A STROKE Thank God for the sense to remember the " 3 " steps , STR . Read and Learn ! Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify . Unfortunately , the lack of awareness spells disaster . The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke . Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions : S * Ask the individual to SMILE . T * Ask the person to TALK to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE ( Coherently ) ( i . e . . . It is sunny out today ) R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS . * NOTE : Another ' sign ' of a stroke is this : Ask the person to ' stick ' out their tongue . If the tongue is ' crooked ' , if it goes to one side or the other , thPosted by CarysWeldonblog : : I didn 't write at all yesterday - - slept most of the day because I had stayed in the chair here the day before , editing through that first half of Candy 's Kisses and Levi 's Jeans - - and writing , and got the manuscript up over 200 pages , to somewhere around 50 , 000 words . So , that was about 22 hours of writing and editing ( re - editing ) straight with breaks for the bathroom and to get drinks ( water bottles . ) My husband cooked some sausage at some point during that because he gave me a bowl with it and said , " Here , eat . " Or something like that . So , that was THAT day . Rocking out to cranked music and tuning into nothing but the screen . I went to bed at 6 a . m . yesterday and I didn 't want to leave it then , but my back and shoulders hurt so bad I didn 't have any choice . And then I had to take something to get to sleep because the story wasn 't letting me rest . I love this guy Levi . I think I got up around 3 yesterday - - slept better than I have in ages . Wanted to get back to the story , but real life conspired against me AGAIN . We had to go up town to the bank and then over to my daughter 's basketball game , which we lost because we are not shooters . ( Like my WE ? ) The other team shot ten baskets to every one we did . Ours went in quit a bit more , percentage wise , but that doesn 't win the game . We lost by five buckets . It was very annoying to us . ( My husband and me . ) When we pointed it out to my daughter after the game , she said we should play . I , of course , said WE did when we were kids , and we were shooters . They spend so much time passing the ball around that you get dizzy watching the same ( damn ) play over and over again . Anyhow , won 't be able to write all day today , probably , because Cheyenne has a doctor 's appt this afternoon and since some of that metal in her back is bulging weirdly and hurting - - we cannot miss it . I hope it is nothing . Pray for us . I think it is nothing to worry about . . . just her back being out a little . But her x - ray with tell us for sure . Too many bleachers of late , is what I 'm thinking . Girl needs a back suppoPosted by CarysWeldonblog : : So , um , we 're in the ice storm disaster area . School and work has been canceled until further notice . But we have a tournament going on . Kids have to drive 45 minutes to another town in the next county for basketball . ( We won last night , btw - - and my daughter scored five points - - so that was great . ) Tell me how that works , though ? I mean - - we can 't go to school in our town , but we can go for a field trip to play a game . The roads are clear . School has power . We 're below the power outage area ( Springfield , Mo - - featured on the weather channel this week . ) But hey , if you watch the weather channel , you will probably see the street my daughter lives on . It 's been voted the worst one in spfd . Power lines down from trees hitting them , and trees through porches , and roofs , and cars . My kids are out , but the activities have been canceled , too . We don 't have clear roads - - they 're unbelievably bad - still with thick sheets of ice . More snow on the way , too . I like winter , so I 'm not upset with any of this . Maybe having the bored kids underfoot a lot , but it looks so pretty outside . I 've been lining up my speaking / attendance to conferences / conventions calendar and I wanted you to know what I 've agreed to so far , so you can maybe make some plans and come hang out with me . You can google or email me for more information if you think you want more details . MarchAGGIECON ( Texas ) EPICON ( Virginia ) AprilRomantic Times Convention ( Texas ) MayOklahoma Writer 's Federation Inc . ( Oklahoma ) CONquest 38 ( Missouri ) JuneLittle Rock Writer 's Conference ( Arkansas ) Western Writer 's of America ( Missouri ) JulyCONestoga ( Oklahoma ) I am in a small town in ne Alabama . Which is right next to GA and TN . so if you were ever coming to Chattanooga or Nashville TN . I am also going to Lori Foster Gettogether in June . It is a reader / writer thing . There were over 90 folks last year and we have a blast . They have all kinds of authors there everything from sweet to erotic . I 'm not going to the OWFI conference this year . Since I 'm going to be in residence at the Writers ' Colony at Dairy Hollow all month in June , I decided I needed to save my money for that . * s * We call this MiLK day . You know , Martin Luther King day . For the record , Highlandville is not " in with the rest of the country . " We do not have a MLK parkway , lane , blvd , or street of any kind . We have SawMill . Fern . EE and HH . And a road that goes two ways most of the day , except for an hour or two in the morning , and again in the afternoon . ( Freaky weird little town . ) So , you could say . . . yeah . . . Carys Weldon lives where it goes two ways part of the time . . . ( Hey . I had an editor tell me yesterday that I use ellipses - - the three dots - - and dashes - - too much . Go figure . If I didn 't , what would be the purpose of having editors around ? ) Back to being serious - - ( hehe more dashes ) What the MLK thing really means to me and my writing is . . . ( hehe . . . more dots ) people are in the house . ( Repeat that three times in a deep , creepy voice , getting louder each time ) I 've got Panic at the Disco ( replaying one song # 7 ) cranked in my Happy Birthday Bose ear phones ( from last year 's birthday ) . I always try to check email and do my blog first , you know - - but I 'm half afraid to check the email . It 's been loading for 45 minutes - - and I have dsl . So , I know I 'll get buried in that inbox . More movie updates - - we watched Crank yesterday . I really enjoyed it . Then we watched Barnyard and Ice Age the Melt Down . They weren 't as funny as I had hoped they would be . Back to Crank - - the guy that stars in that is the one that played the part of Handsome Rob in the Italian Job . The more I watch the guy , the more I like him . What is his name ? He makes a guy saying , " Baby " to his girlfriend sound sexy . I 'll admit I 'm really messed up . I seriously like bad guys . I know I 'm not alone in this . Tell me , why the heck do we like those bad guys ? I love to watch shows where the good bad guy gets pissed and yanks his piece out and puts it to someone 's head and growls , " Don 't piss me off now . " There 's a scene where this guy chops a man 's hand off with a meat cleaver . Not usually something I would think was great . I 'm not really into gore . ( Werewolves ripping throats open aside . ) APosted by CarysWeldonblog : : So . . . if you liv or have a clue to the weather channel , you would know that my area in Missouri is part of a large slice of the country that has been declared a natural disaster . The national guard has been called out . The majority of Springfield is out of power and don 't expect to get it before midweek , if the new is anything to believe . I live in a hollow halfway between Spfd and Branson . We have power . i . e . heat , water , etc . So , that makes it a perfect place for my adult kids from SPFD to come to when their power is out . Their street , in particular , is being shown on t . v . because the trees were falling like dominoes - - onto power lines . I 'm glad they 're here and safe and warm . But it 's pretty hard to work on that story I got 80 pages on the other day . We don 't really have seating room for everybody , so we 're 3 - 4 to the sofa , and we 've pulled in a folding metal chair - - and someone sits in this chair , too . What doesn 't kill ya makes ya stronger , right ? What 's really sad is that the churches are all closed , and most of the shelters were announced closed or full on Friday . So , the people out of power up there have nowhere to go to get warm , except their vehicles . But the gas stations are closed up there , so they are driving south to find gas stations just so they can keep their cars running . Walmart 's lights went out at one store and they had a riot , I guess . My kids were there , getting some basics since this is supposed to last a couple days . They said that people at the registers weren 't sure if their cards had been swiped through / approved or not , and security rushed to the front of the store - - searching everyone wearing a coat - - which was everyone . Anyhow , there is no writing going on here . We rented some movies . Talladega nights - - silly , maybe Will Ferrell 's best - - not really my cup of tea . Wicker Man - - I dunno why but I love Nicolas Cage , always have . Intensity maybe ? Hated the ending . Covenants - - oh hell yeah ! That 's right up my " I love this " alley . Four or five hot guys , warlocks , some bad , some struggling against the adPosted by CarysWeldonblog : : Really sorry to hear about the weather things . I know Milwaukee area got hit like that a few years ago and a lot of us were without power for 3 days to over a week . I guess I was lucky and it was only 3 days . I still remember one part of it was fun though ( sick humor . ) A friend 's Mom ( 94 at the time ) was crying ' cause she couldn 't have her toast for breakfast . . . the rest she could live with , but no toast did her in . So I just happened to have a camp stove with propane in it , took it out there and toasted her some bread . She was thrilled and it made us all smile several times throughout that time . Well , this answers the question I asked yesterday . * s * We 've actuall had power all night and all day so far ! Hopefully it will STAY ! ! I wrote 80 pages to a new story and the tune of Keith Urban 's I wanna cry song yesterday . I dunno if you 'll think it 's any good , but it entertained me all day . City girl Candy gets set - up on a blind date meeting with her friend Erica 's country cousin , Levi . One look tells him she 's worth coming for . ( hehehe ) But everything that comes out of their mouths screams we are too different . And one big problem - - it 's two hours from his place to hers . The guy 's pick up line is , " Wanna come and see my new calf ? " Which , of course , is a new one on her . It makes her laugh . And he was serious ! The minute he tells her he calls the old pickup LUCKY TRUCK , she has more doubts . And when she changes his radio from country to alternative , he 's thinking , " I need to put her ass out , and call this a wash . " But the girl kisses like there 's no tomorrow . And he looks so good in those damn jeans . . . Why oh why do I wanna get him out of them ? LOLThis is why I write , friends . Because I entertain myself . And if things sound great to you , too , then it is all good . Ya know ? Last night , I stayed up late to watch CMT . Gotta love them singing cowboys . They were running the Twenty sexiest country music videos of 2006 . Up there was Keith Urban 's Tonight I Wanna Cry . Have you heard that one ? The guy 's sitting alone at the piano , talking about being alone in his house again with a bottle of wine , looking at pictures of YOU . He says he 'll never get over YOU walking away . He says he 's never the kind to let his feelings show . But he says he 's just drunk enough to let go of being strong . You gotta check it out if you don 't know it . Who doesn 't love a man that loves his woman so much that he cries ? When he says " I 'll never get over you . " You gotta say , " That 's right , honey . That 's the way it should be . " Now , I dunno what the dumbass did . . . ( Okay , forgive me . But I ASSUME he did something to drive her away . ) LOL But . . . if YOU knew he was really dying over it , you might wanna forgive him . Ya know ? So , here 's how stupid I am about the way I write . I 've been having trouble settling into a story and have been tapping away , 3 - 5 pages at a time to different things under contstruction . I think I need to get stuck on a song and make a story from it . That 's how I wrote most every one of my other full length works . Either a single song replaying , or a soundtrack over and over again . Of course , before you can get to a scene where a guy is crying alone - - you gotta write some wonderful meeting and get to know each other stuff . That 's my plan this morning . Wish me luck ! I am trying to figure out why some weeks or days I can write like a maniac possessed with a story flowing so fast that I can barely keep up with the typing . I have LITERALY made the tips of my fingers sore to almost blister point two or three times because I typed so fast . I know , that sounds like an exaggeration , but it isn 't . I 'm not saying I do it daily . But some days , I have done that . . . typing from the second I get up ( almost ) and through the wee hours of the next morning . But that is not this week . I have started many things . I have stared at several pages I 've written at other times , and just cannot get my head into a manuscript . Probably the shock of having my house to myself . Although , to my credit , I will say . . . who else could concentrate when they have a coupole different publishers asking for little things here and there . All week , I 've been messing around with my poetry books that will be coming out . I think I already said that one sort of got lost in the pub . house and they just found it . And the other is going fast - - and they 've offered to slide some of my photo shots into the book . That one should be a totally awesome thing when it is all said and done . So , I 'll be promoting poetry books before the end of this year , obviously . If you have a poetry group in your area and would like for me to come in and chat or do a speaking deal , send me an email , tell me what city you 're in . I have been looking at the conference and convention schedule ( s ) for this year and I am gonna get around a bit . I know I 'll be in Vegas , probably , before the end of March - - which means all the low states between Missouri and here , and I know I 'll be down through Texas and over to Virginia by the end of that month , too - - probably on separate trips . I THINK I 'll be going down to Louisianna at the end of this month . One of the things I like to do for writing groups is a chat style conversation over where they want to go with their writing , and look at individual projects the members have going - - to see if I can offer some insight or help . SPosted by CarysWeldonblog : : I had some great news yesterday . My first book of poetry , Passing Thoughts , is in final production . I saw the galley proof on that last July . They said the last galley is soon to be in my hands and that I might actually hold the book soon . ( Not impressed with the fact that the publisher of that lost said manuscript , apparently , for months . ) My second book of poetry , Passing Images , to be produced by the great and wondered Rain Publishing Inc . of Canada , is probably going to beat PT to the bookstores . AND even cooler . . . they are talking about putting some of my photography in between the pages of poems . How nice is that ? When they asked yesterday for some art , I was surprised . Turns out that they noticed I had done some cover art and photography ( from my Jennifer website ) . Then , I sent about ten pictures . And they asked for more because they think they might do many , many more . Crazy cool , huh ? I mean , that 's still up in the air , but it is very nice that they 're thinking about it , anyway . Hey . . . if you would like to receive snail mail notices of my writing works when they are released , please email me at JENNtherichwriter @ centurytel . net with your snail mail address . I will put you on my mailing list for post cards , and perhaps coupons off - - that sort of thing . ( It 's a box of chocolates list . You never know what you 're gonna get . ) And , if any of you read COURTING DISASTER ( my latest release ) and would like to comment on that - - feel free . I think those that pick it up can firmly agree that I 've nailed the " characters you love , and characters you love to hate " pretty well . You can read the info on that at : http : / / www . jenniferdicamillo . com / You can mark your calendars . . . if you wanna meet me somewhere . I 'm gonna be at AGGIECON and EPICON in March . Just do a google search and you 'll be able to read up on when and where those will be . Furiously typing away this morning . Can 't chat for long . I am meeting a couple other writers later today so I can help them work on a couple of their contest entries and some mystery plotting - - I think . So , I have to get going quick and avoid all my usual distractions today . I have the house to myself for the first time in ages . I toyed with cleaning it then laughed at myself . . . Nah . I 'm gonna write the morning away ! Some bird is outside my door / window / whatever - - sounds more like a chipmunk or a monkey than a bird , the way it is chattering . For some reason , it reminds me of other writers . I had an email discussion yesterday with a writer in St . Louis who is very professional . She makes a fair living off of her writing , and does regular magazine articles . We chatted at length about writing groups in the midwest region where we live . She 's invited me to a very tight little group up in STL . I can 't afford to make the regular drive at the moment , but I 'd love to go . I know that many of you are writers , or aspire to write , so I 'll share with you something that we both agreed on . A lot of times when writers first get started , they joing a group , and they are just thrilled to be part of it . . . to be with others of similar interest . That 's true for other groups besides writing . It 's hard sometimes to break ties and move on , but in writing especially , it is vital for a writer not to waste time in a group that doesn 't suit their needs . For example , I joined a romance group and then found out that they mostly talked about reading romance , and gave homage to the one old lady in the area that had published something . That was okay for me at first . Then I saw and read a little of her work and thought . . . wow . . . I like pretty much all romance but hers . Not to mention one of her romances had been published in cookbook format with a plastic binder . Too weird . And no one that I have known ever since has said they actually like her work . But they literally bow down to her . She 's in her 80 's . She founded the romance group 25 yrs ago . All hail to her . I 'm fine with that - - except when I started asking questions , I realized that in that 25 years , there were only two or three other romance published writers who had been in their group . What that told me is that the group was not one geared for helping its members get published in that genre . So , I switched over to a mystery writer 's group . It was great . . . I thought . Until the president moved out of town and the Posted by CarysWeldonblog : : That was rambling ? I thought you made some good points . : ) With our group here , for a while I felt like I had kind of outgrown it . True , everyone was still working toward publication for the most part . But there was something that was just a bit off . Then we got some new members in . One in particular used to be an editor at a couple houses in New York . Then she was a publicist . She moved back to this area to take care of her mom . So she has brought a lot to the group and I 'm very glad she 's here . I don 't think you 've met her . She 's not been to an OWFI conference or to the one in Eureka Springs either . ( Speaking of the OWFI conference , I 'm not going this year , though I am entering the contest . ) As often happens in my writing , I hit some sort of snag last week on the sequel to Raven 's Mischief . I pondered it for a week or better now and finally decided that I have to go back and rework the last passage in my Wolf God / Shadow Walking Witch manuscript . But , since I haven 't yet put a finger on why I couldn 't make myself write on it , I have decided to stop staring at my email and just concentrate on something else altogether for a week . So , I 'm gonna try and write a novel in the next week or so . I 'll let ya know how that goes . Some of my best stories came that quick - - so I 'm seriously hoping for another Chaos , Leader of the Pack , or Jack : In the Pack sorta story . That ONE DUMB NIGHT idea keeps coming back to my head - - as I 've wandered away from the computer time and time again this last week . Which means my head wants to write that instead of the sequel at the moment . ( Split personality disorder in my brain . Jennifer argues with Carys all the time . And then there 's the other girl they tie up with duct tape a lot - - the idiot that said , " Hey , write a g - rated romance , " last August . No one seems to want that one . So we 're not listening to her ever again . LOL ) When I say " I haven 't written much this week , " it 's really a lie . I 've written poetry , a ton of email and a couple short mystery stories . And I 've submitted a bunch of stuff . ( Mostly poetry . ) So , even when I 'm not " really writing " I 'm still putting out some sort of ( bad ) fluff . I am working on a collection of poetry that is based on my reflections of people who have left a mark on the world . Tell me . . . do you have some favorite heroes / heroines that I should include ? If you give me a name and I actually write a poem and get them published in a collection , I 'll put dedications on the page of the poem that is written about someone you suggested . Now , obviously , this concept is on the far outside that someone would care to publish such a collection by moi . But you never know . Right ? I 'll just keep a list . And if your mother , or cousin or best friend gives you a name andPosted by CarysWeldonblog : : I am at a loss for what to write about today . I worked on my inbox for 2 1 / 2 hrs already this morning and see more email is in there again . Sigh . That is a never ending beast I tackle pretty much daily . ( It makes me brain dead sometimes . ) Okay . . . here 's something to laugh over . . . ( looking around , thinking desperately , what can I talk about today ? ) I go in spurts of fanatical health improvement efforts - - which I 've already told you about . So , today , I started with taking colloidal silver , Xango , and 23 pills / vitamins / herbal supplements . Ridiculous , huh ? Am I the only one that does that sort of thing ? It gives me a great sense of accomplishment to finish a bottle of something that I thought was worth buying for some reason . I am down to the last three " essential oil " capsules in one and sooo happy about it . Don 't know why . Needless to say , when you take all that in the morning , you don 't really have room in your stomach for breakfast . And , for the record , it 's not nearly as satisfying as bacon and eggs or something like that . You 'd think I 'd lose weight , just for substituting the pills for real food , wouldn 't you ? did you say 23 three . I think it 's the pits that I have to take one blood pressure pill daily lol . It if wasn 't for my little red head I wouldn 't have to do that . He tried to kill me when I was pregneat with him . Hey that 's an idea I lost 13 pounds from the time I found I was preggo till the night before I had him . Nobody knew I was pregneant . I actually looked better . And when I went for my 2 week check up I had lost 53 pounds from the day I first went to the DR . Gallstones will do that to you that and being preggo lol I take a lot of allergy pills and if I forget I am in trouble . Oh well . Weight loss is an impossible task but I am going to try it again . Wow , Pam . I almost wanna get pregnant - - 53 pounds sounds so inspiring . But . . . nah . Five kids is enough for me . And , if memory serves , I was never so lucky as to lose that kind of weight when I was pregnant . And . . . Debby . . . if you have any luck . . . with whatever weight loss plan you try , please let us know ! Good luck ! I have great news . Check out this page : http : / / fictionwise . com / servlet / mwsearch ; jsessionid = 0QEueyVi7Q8j5S7S6qYpe1yQ6UQThe e - version of my novel Courting Disaster ( by Jennifer DiCamillo ) is now available . And I think it 's pretty cheap . It 's under $ 6 . Print versions will be available soon - - January 21st , I believe . It is a romance . Has two romances in it , actually . Although I will say it is not erotic technically , but it has some good sexual tension , and a lot of frustration . My ad for it says : A romp and stomp romance where sword slinging and tongue lashing are foreplay . Men and women will both enjoy this ! If you purchase the print copy and want me to sign it , email me at : JENNtherichwriter @ centurytel . net or carys @ carysweldon . comand tell me where you live . ( Just the city . ) I 'll see what I can do to get book signings where you are . Or , if you want me to come , feel free to talk to your local bookstores and tell them you know me personally and I 'll come if they want . I swear - - I 'll show up in your town and we can have lunch or something . All you would have to do is talk to your local bookstore and get the contact info for me - - who to speak to , and a phone and mailing address , and I 'll set things up . I think I 'll even be up in Canada before the end of 2007 . I have so many books coming out . Two poetry books , two children 's books , two mystery anthologies - - all under the name Jennifer DiCamillo , and then I believe I 'll also be having my Carys Weldon erotica back on the market before long . And because I need to write more for you , I 'll quit rambling here . It 's raining in my neck of the woods . I may have to disconnect from the internet altogether . Oooooh . I forgot to send the gift certificates to the winners of the December contests . DOING THAT NOW . If you want to be in the contest drawings for January , just post comments and read that newsletter I sent out - - then answer the question and send that to : JENNtherichwriter @ centurytel . net or Carys @ carysweldon . comHave a magnificent day . Catch ya later . It 's been raining and cold most of the day here too . THough at least it didn 't rain long enough for me to walk to Curves and back . * s * There 's not a decent bookstore in McAlester or I 'd say come down here . lol . The next - closest would be Muskogee , which has both Waldenbooks ( in the mall ) and Hastings . I got my gift certificate ! Thank you Carys ! The weather here in PA has been beautiful . We almost hit 60 today . It sure doesn 't feel like January ! I woke up to a freezing house . I am wearing my stupid cheap gloves with the fingertips cut out ( again ) and I feel like the writer in Moulin Rouge . Only I 'm not writing the greatest love story ever told . I 'm thumping the delete button through my ridiculous inbox . ( Sigh ) I have a doctor 's appointment today and I dread going because there is never enough money for " extras " like that . Ya know ? And I am short the cash to buy my anti - depressant medicine , so my posts may turn into extra moody whines this next month . So , to avoid that , I need you all to send up prayers and positive meditation that say " God ( Universe , Angels , Whatever you pray to ) send this woman money and means and happiness so she can write her fancy schmancy happy little romances for me . " Sound good ? Now , all together now . . . I know the feeling of needing to go to the doctor and not having the cash for it . Or meds . Ugh . I need to make an appointment for myself . I 'm almost out of one of my diabetes meds and it 's no - refill until I have an appointment . I have been up for hours and going through email all that time . I ignored it for two days and had to pay the price this morning . Wow . My best writing time is the morning - - if I can get my head into a manuscript early , I 'm good all day . However , my son in law showed up just a few minutes after I turned the computer on . And he plugged in The Notebook ( the movie he bought me for Christmas ) and then proceeded to sit and watch it with me . It was nice but odd . He hung around until my husband got up , then he left . I 'm still pondering the visit . I think he was being nice to me because I bought him Adidas and a 4gb mp3 player / ipod thingy for his birthday yesterday . Sweet . Anyhow , that sort of put a kibosh into the whole " get writing early " for the new year thing . So , here I am , it 's right at noon , and I haven 't done anything but work through my inbox for 3 - 4 hours and watch a movie . But , I love the kissing in that movie . I love the way the guy loves her to death . I wanna write stories like that . And I wanna go and paint . Did I tell you that I used to paint ? I prefer acrylics because they wash up with soap and water , but I 've done oils and water colors before . I toy with working up a big enough collection to do a gallery showing . We have some galleries in Springfield , Missouri that show some pretty bad work . I figure , mine is at least that good . LOLWould you like to own a genuine Carys Weldon painting ? ( Not nudes . ; ) ) I also used to do tole painting . You know , the little folk art stuff that you see selling at crafty shops . . . ? Haven 't done much of that for about ten years , but toying with getting painting for the new year . We 'll see how that goes . I feel a little confused on what I 've said already and what I wanted to tell you , so forgive me if I repeat this thought . . . There is a movie called The Secret - - that isn 't a story type movie . It runs about 90 minutes and talks about The Law of Attraction . I definitely think you should check it out if you haven 't already seen it . And if you have , it 's time to watch it again . It 's a great concept Posted by CarysWeldonblog : : Consider good thoughts sent . * s * My best writing time is late afternoon and into the evening / night . Too bad I 'm usually too mind - mushy after a day of transcription to do anything . That 's going to change though . It has too . ( Shutting up before I start sounding desperate . lol ) Thank you so much , Carys ! I sent you an email . Congrats Karen ! Thinner , healthier , happier , wealthier sounds good to me ! : ) Happy New Year Everyone !
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I am sitting and having a beer , well a pitcher actually . It is a quiet day and people are coming into pick up their food or to order their lunch . Suddenly a voice booms " Ask them which account they were talking about " Startled I look to my right a short lady with so much makeup she should be wearing a shirt that says " avalanche warning " is shouting into her bluetooth . While she is talking I can see her looking around as to tally who is impressed by her conversation . As I am writing she is walking into the restroom blabbing away about things only two people are interested in . I am not one of them . For those of you who see nothing wrong with the walking , talking woman I am speaking about let me give you some insight . Most of us do not care about your conversation , leave us out of it . If you cannot consider the other people in the world and at least keep your conversation to a personal volume level , or keep it outside . Your need to annoy others or try to impress them by showing you are to inept at whatever you are doing to find time to eat or piss without being on your phone is not something to show off . My daughter turned 17 a couple days ago . If I think past the fact her age makes me feel like an old man then I will have to be nothing less than very proud . I went to court to gain custody of my daughter when she was 5 years old because despite the thinking of most a child is not always better of with their mother . I won in court because I made my case and since then I have done my best to raise my daughter . I know now I have not always been good at being a father but I also know I have done the best I could at the time . My daughter , as I look at her now 17 years old and about to take on the entire world , will do just fine , so I must have done more good than bad . My daughter does not deal with B . S . she speaks up and out as needed . She is not one to look the other way , or to allow others to control her . She is bright and very social despite the fact I know these are more genetic traits than my attempts at upbringing it still makes me proud . Living in this world as an adult is never an easy thing and her being a woman , will more likely than not make it even more of a challenge at times . For her whole life I have tried to make sure she understands the only limitations she faces are those she puts on herself . My daughter is 17 , she is getting ready to face the world and despite my tendency to feel old because of the math , I am still young enough to watch her success and grow even more proud . I am a jerk , some would say I am an asshole . Well at times I am , so what ? Let me give you a warning now . The rest of this blog will contain language which may offend you . To those who think I am a jerk , asshole , shit disturber , idiot , moron , twit , Satan lover , dumb shit , dick , hater , egotistical prick , ignorant slut , or any of the many names I have been called let me give you my response . . . . . FUCK YOU ! I don 't give a shit about any ones opinion of me except mine . I am open minded and I am my own worst critic . This is a simple fact . I don 't care about being famous . I don 't give a fuck how many people think I am a dick . What I care about is being me . I can look myself in the God damn mirror and know I have done what I think is right . Have I made mistakes ? Fuck yes I have ! Have I been wrong ? Who the hell hasn 't ? I don 't hide , I don 't walk on eggshells , I don 't pretend , and I don 't say I like you if I do not . I also like to know why people dislike me . I had a bit of an argument this past weekend where a person called ma an asshole . I asked why they had this opinion . She said it would be rude to say why . Well to call me an asshole and then tell me to back up the point would be rude seems nothing less than stupid . I mean at least have the balls to back up your opinion of me . Blogging is an easy thing . It enables us all to express ourselves in our own way . I like to use my blog to present my thought process and to bring attention to things I find interesting or piss me off . I will sometimes use it to bring to light behavior which I think is wrong . I have been both criticized and praised for some of the blogs I have presented . I take both as compliments because the result of my blog has to make people think . People don 't think enough about things these days in my opinion . People click their way through the world wide web . Click , read a sentence , click , look at a picture , click . the power of the mouse has enabled people to glance and click moving on to the next blog or youtube video in the blink of an eye . I figure if I can hook anyone to read rather than click away before they get the point . That is a good thing . I like to keep my blogs short , to the point and honest . If I am proven wrong I admit it and if I believe in it , I stand by it . Blogging is my attempt to change the world , I realize it may not work but by stirring things up it may help to at least make people think instead of click . There are many ways to express yourself . These days the possibilities are endless . Some like to take the serious route , just posting what they believe to be facts and / or truths and leaving it at that . Some like to go on the attack , demanding others think like them and looking to crush those who oppose their own point of view . There are some who seem to have no stance on a subject and tend to contradict themselves or do nothing more then confuse the people they reach leaving them to scratch their head and say " huh ? " Some like to do nothing but shock you to the point where the point is lost . Then there are some in to take a humorous route trying to make you laugh along the way . Blogging , comments , social sharing , podcasting , and going out into the real world to work for what we believe in seem to be the most popular ways people choose to get their thoughts out . None of them are wrong or bad . The important thing to me is that people express what they thing . Over the years the one thing that saddens me is not the hate mongers so much as the hand sitters . The ones who just sit on their hands , never speaking up , never telling the world what they think . There really is no bad way to express yourself . It has taken me a while to realize this . I have done and still do several radio . I used to be a bit weary of sharing some of these shows with others . I was worried about offending people , I was worried that they would think less of me because I tend to present things in a way which would not be considered " normal " . I don 't ' care about that anymore . What I care about is speaking my mind . I know not everyone will enjoy my way of doing things , but that does not make it any less valid or honest . I simply do what I do and it is good not to sit on my hands . . . . I have tried it and it doesn 't please me . . . . Should it ? Skeptoid . Don 't let the name fool you or turn you away . Skeptic is a word which is given a bad definition by many in the paranormal community . I would like to see that change . With some help from a man named Brian Dunning along with some help from people who are truly ' open minded ' I think that can happen . Brian Dunning doe a podcast called Skeptoid . easy now , we are keeping an open mind , remember that . . . . . We are all skeptical about some things , that is a fact we should all be able to agree on . If you disagree then I would suggest you look up the true definition of the word . . . . What Brian does is to offer some insight and information into some of the things everyone may be skeptical about . Covering everything from urban myths , homeopathy , paranormal , general scams , and just plain scientific phenomena , the podcast really has something for everyone who isn 't a gullible fool . I like to think most people are not fools and Brian does too . The podcasts are short , averaging about 15 minutes each . The host uses his wit and research to share with you what he has learned about the topic at hand . Even if you do not agree with everything Brian says , I can assure you that you will come away with new things to think about and / or consider . Skeptoid does not attack any point of view , it considers things , and gives you a chance to do the same for yourself . Is Skeptoid always correct ? No . The host himself has admitted to being wrong on occasion . This , to me , shows what a skeptical podcast should be about , realizing no one is correct all the time , admitting it , and working to find the correct information so we can move on . If you really have an open mind then you will give Skeptoid a listen . . . . trust me . Believers and skeptics alike can get something from Brian Dunning and his Skeptoid podcasts . For that reason it earns my highest rating of 4 skulls . I can honestly assure you after you listen , skeptic will not seem like such a bad word after all . . . . . . . Find the Skeptoid podcast here . . . . . http : / / skeptoid . com / To be honest I have smoked a lot of weed , I have done a lots of lines of meth , I have done my fair share of cocaine and god ( or whoever ) knows I have drank my fair share of beer and vodka . My trouble has often been when my habits cause me trouble . . . I quit them . I know this will probably cause many people to get a bit pissed but I know if someone wants to stop doing the things that are causing them issues then it is possible . Maybe not for everyone because nothing applies to everyone but I have done it . Maybe it is in my genes because my father has also managed to stop drinking after years of indulging . I just have a problem with people who claim to be victims of anything , even their own vices . i know some people need help but for me , it has always been a matter of nothing else but plain choice . I don 't blame my youth , I don 't blame my bad luck , I don 't blame inanimate objects or substances . . . if I fail and ruin my own life I blame myself . . . . I did a radio show tonight . . . . The guest was a gentleman who claims to have made a ' free - energy ' device . I have done literally hundreds of podcasts . Every so often I still get a bit worried . I don 't want to make people look foolish . I don 't want to bait them and blind side them on a radio show , it just isn 't my way . I will make the occasional call to someone who I feel deserves it but still I will be polite and limit my self to an off - color comment about masturbation . ( right chris moon ? . . . heh heh ) It just doesn 't interest me to make people look stupid by tricking them , it an act a stupid person would resort to because they don 't know how to have a conversation . My co - host , Ed Craft booked the guest ( thank you Donn Shy ) and I told my other co - host , Polly " I really don 't want to do this show " I did the show , calling Ed and the guests . I could tell the guests were a bit uncomfortable after all , who will trust a guy named ' Reap ' right out of the gate ? One of the guests was an older gentleman from the U . K . He was nothing less than wonderful to speak to , he had great stories and a wonderful sense of humor . While I didn 't totally believe in everything he said he was obviously more intelligent than me and he gave me some things to think about and investigate further . At the end of the show I was happy I did go on with it . To be honest I don 't really know what my point is I guess maybe I want people to think about how you can have an open mind and enjoy a conversation even if you know it 's going to go all wrong . . . . I was wrong . Some of you may know Robbie Thomas recently said some things which referred to my son in a way which bothered myself and others a bit . Like I have said before , the comments didn 't have any direct effect on my son they did however piss me off a bit . . . I couldn 't help it , I am a Dad . Some people think that all I do is try to spread hate , that is not true , I pass along my version of events being as honest as possible . The events of today include Robbie apologizing for his words about my son , an apology I accepted and thanked him for . It in no way changes my opinion of Robbie 's abilities or other associated actions , I still believe he is at least misguided in his behavior . He also told me he cares about children . . . . I can only wish he cared about everyone the way he proclaims to care about kids . I have often wondered about my own demise . If I talk about it out loud my loved ones tell me to not speak of it yet I know the day will come . I have been lucky in my life . I have lived longer than many others with little strife in my life . I have lived my life happy . I have learned things others will never know , I have seen the world through eyes no one else will ever know . I have enjoyed my ride on the little speck of dust . I wonder sometimes if I will find the glory of god on my deathbed , I can say this now . . . I don 't think so . Of course I may be wrong but being of sound mind now I know god does not care about me . The fact does not make me angry it is just another fact of life . Much like a flat tire on my car is not god 's work my death is equal to that . I am okay with that , it is a fact if living . My birth was not a earth shattering event and my death will not be either . The speck of dust will continue to roll around the sun , people will keep on hating , dying , laughing , learning , and crying . . . but not about me . This is a good thing . I have enjoyed me time on the speck of dust . . . I have left children to pass things along , and I do not have to wonder if the world will carry on . As I have gone along and spent my time listening to many of the frauds involved in life , I think about those involved in the paranormal today . ( don 't worry I will cover the rest in the future ) The reason I start with the frauds involved in the paranormal first is because they are small time , I will work my way up the ladder as far as how much the subject matter effects people in general . First of all there is ZERO proof of paranormal occurrence and / or paranormal activity . All of you who heard , seen or felt something paranormal need to realize something which is very important . . . . . THAT IS NOT PROOF . There is no argument , no if ands or butts about it . It can be proof to you if you wish but to me the only thing it proves is . . . . . your brain got mixed up . Easy now , it 's not your fault , not directly anyways . The problem NO ONE in the paranormal seems to want to face is . . . now listen close . . . . . . You can not trust your own brain . . . I may catch some slack for this , but the fact remains . Still don 't believe me ? Do this before you run around in dark creepy houses at night or wonder around in a graveyard while the moon peeks out behind some gloomy gray clouds . . . . Read about the organ which sits inside your pretty little head , read about the disorders which afflict many people , even the ' sane ' ones . Read about how that thing you think is perfect and will never let you down can sometimes behave in ways not so true to your own perception . Sorry , did I lose my point ? The frauds . . . . fake psychics like Chip Coffee , who 's goal in life seems to be to act like an idiot on TV and harm kids with disorders . people like Chris Moon who claims to be able to talk to the dead on a device Thomas Edison invented . For the record , Chris can not talk to dead people on his broken radio for a few reasons . I will share with you the top two . 1 ) It is impossible to talk to the dead on a broken radio , no matter who made it . 2 ) Chris Moon is full of shit on so many levels even the dead would tell him to get a life if it was possible to talk to them . If you haPosted by I have added about 300 new friends on my social network page this week . the best thing about this bit of news is . . . . they are almost all Atheists . Allow me to explain this just a bit . The friends I have added are not just a good thing to me because we are all on a crusade to kill god ( although a few may be ) my new friends do not make me happy because they want to crush religion ( even though a few would be happy to do so ) The reason I am happy to have these new contacts is because - They think - They consider - They question . I have a lot of friends involved in the paranormal and I enjoy them too but as I have learned from reading , listening , and real life , I have grown into a strong skeptic . I keep an open mind when I need to , but there are so many claims and beliefs regarding the paranormal that are easily explained by science . . . . . . . . It makes me sad that so many people who claim to be looking for proof of an afterlife also claim be based in science when their findings could be explained be reading a high school textbook . Now to the religion part , without getting too deeply into a subject which causes me endless questions and debate . Atheist need facts . One thing that has always caused me grief in all aspects of life is the phrase " just because " . The words " just because " equal the same to me as someone saying " have faith " My Atheists friends do not play the ' have faith ' game . If any of my new friends read this I am happy to have you . Keep sharing your thoughts and what makes you laugh . I have faith in you , just because you have not let me down yet . . . . I 'll take a few minutes to talk about my radio show if you don 't mind . . . . Polly and I started doing a radio show in October of 2007 . When My friend Ed Craft asked me to do a radio show . I was flattered , but kinda nervous . I asked Polly if she would like to be my co - host and she agreed . The show was originally put together to shut down a yahoo group called " The Paranormal Police " . Between the radio show , my blogs and some help from friends the group was shut down . Let me pause here to say almost every , if not everyone , of the people involved in the paranormal police group are now what I would consider friends ( except David Rountree , but he is just to pompous ) I remember telling Polly that we would do 3 shows or so and that should be enough to make our point . Our first show sucked , there is no doubt in my mind about that . As we went along the chemistry Polly and I have always had in real life , seemed to come across quite well over the microphone . The most amazing thing was people were listening . Our listeners were a small but devoted group and since we were having a great time the show continued on . We had many guests from small paranormal groups they were all good people and since I was pretty new to the paranormal subject I found what they said a interesting subject matter to consider . As we learned the paranormal subject started to get kinda boring , to us . Polly and I had a small falling out and I continued to do the show on my own . I would pick a random topic and just roll with it for two hours . Let me tell you , talking on your own and keeping it entertaining was a challenge for me . I am not sure if I succeeded but it was still fun to do and people still listened , so the show went on . I think not having Polly on the show was a blessing in disguise . I missed her input but it gave me the confidence and opportunity to learn I could do a show on my own . Polly came back ( Yay ! ) and the chemistry came back with her . I had still been writing blogs this whole time , and I was looking for a way to get both the show and my blogsPosted by Wow . . . i 'm waiting for you and Reap to start " attacking " me . . . will it happen ? I say it will . . . hahahah because that 's what Danny does . He needs another hobby Beth . The bottom line is . Reap has a history of crossing the line with people . If you do not want to believe that , than that is your big problem . You can put him on a pedestal ( not that you said you have ) or you can face reality . He has been rude and fucked up to way too many GOOD people . . . including dear friends of mine . ( real friends ) I didn 't get involved . YOU contacted ME on Facebook asking about Lucille . I wasn 't involved with the " situation " until you emailed me . . . then Reap emailed me . Lucille had asked me who Reap was . I told her my opinion of him . Then the next thing I know , I am caught in the middle of more Reap drama . I really do hope you two find something better to do with your time than this shit . Not only was it a waste of MY TIME to be involved , you wasted your time and Lucille wasted her time as well . On a personal note . I do wish you the best of luck establishing your life as an independent woman that will never put up with anything than what you desire in life . Like I told Reap and everyone else . I 'm DONE . I 'm done with REAP , and have been for a while now ( for personal reasons ) and I personally do not care to have any affiliation with the radio show and the messages that are preached by Danny . I do not endorse hate and never will . Tonya knew good and damn well who lucille was and she asked Beth who is Bob ? ? Well Bob is a Diva too and she knew who Beth was talking about . We talked to both Bob And Amanda they knew who lucille was . . . . . . she was a member of one of tonya 's little ghost hunting groups . What more do you need to see tonya is a liar . . . . . I have said this too . . . many people have warned me about her . tonya thinks she is all that and thinks she can talk shit about me on her radio show unchecked , well little lady let me share this with ya . . . . I have a radio show too and I know how to talk , the difference is when I talk I say somethin ' Tonya Hacker from The Ghost Divas told me today I was " a time bomb " . . . . I suppose to some simple - minded people such as her it may be true . The way her comment came about is I informed her she talks to much . It was just my opinion . I have listened to The Ghost Divas show a while now , shit I used to help produce it . Tonya talks too much , she over talks even the guests . When The Divas had Micheal Shermer on she was blabbing for so long Shermer bailed out ( listen to the podcast ) When the Divas came on Warning radio my friend Baxter told me ' worst interview ever ' because Tonya wouldn 't shut the hell up and allow conversation on the show , she just talks . She seems to enjoy the sound of her own voice a lot . All this drama comes from Tonya Hacker getting all pissy about her good friend Lucille Emmert coming up on us and getting slammed by rational thinking . We asked Tonya who the hell Lucille was the same way she would have asked us if one of our friends was rolling up on her . It seemed to be a legitimate question , especially because we considered Tonya a friend . the response we got was " how do you know this is a real person ? " I knew because I had talked to Bob and Beth had talked to Amanda , Bob and Amanda are both Divas too . Next came the " Reap , you are a time bomb " Rhetoric to say the least , assumptions to call it as it was . I really do like The Ghost Divas as a whole and consider a couple of them to be my close friends , Tonya is no longer on that list . Now we have come to find out Tonya Hacker has been talking smack to Lucille about me . I have met Tonya but she knows shit about my personal life . For a while people have warned me about " the big mouthed diva " who can 't keep her big god damn mouth shut to save her own life and who loves any attention she can get . I will admit I was wrong about her . I thought she was a strong independent woman turns out she is a weak - minded gossip . . . . . . That is too bad Over the years I have had tons of people roll up on me for whatever reason it all rolls off me . I just don 't care . I 'm not sure if it was my upbringing because my mother really taught me nothing about self esteem and my father was a soft hearted drinker ( that 's not bad by the way ) where I got the cocky attitude and the ability not to care what some people think is a mystery to me . The fact is despite the mystery , I really don 't give a shit , what some people say . There are some who will question or criticize my actions and I will take a moment of consideration of their remarks . I will step back and either concur or dismiss , but I will listen . As I have said many times before I give respect until it is no longer shown and it will not be given in its absence . A lot of people assume that I go along in my opinion unchecked , that is often true . There are many times when this is not the case . Whether it be my father playing the Devils advocate or some moron with some rant which could have been written by a third grade child , I answer them all . At times this is very tough , How do you answer an idiot ? I have found lowering myself to their level and then rising above before their eyes , it will usually do the trick . My father seems to be of the mindset I am a bully and contradict myself , to be honest I often feel the same way , I often argue to myself and the winner is not always correct . My father also a great writer . He really had no readers to appreciate his talent . In this era of social networks I have been lucky to have many readers . . . . . I don 't know why people read but the fact remains . . . . . When you have the thoughts of so many people coming at you whether is be in Kudos , comments , or emails , it really does give you a sense of responsibility and causes you to second guess your own opinions . Like I said so many times before , I will keep posting my thoughts and arguments I have in my mind publicity . They will not always be correct but they always will be my current thoughts . As I go along on the ride of life you are welcoPosted by Jacked - up seems to be the best way to describe the traffic fines here in california . I understand the need to deter people from breaking the law but $ 211 for blocking a bike lane ? $ 447 for failing to make a complete stop when making a right hand turn ? The city of San Francisco has had to open another court room just to deal with all the outraged drivers who are looking to fight these unreasonable fines . The state is the government agency that is the main cause for the fine hikes . Just another example of our " action hero " Governor acting like a twit by allowing these " add on " and " fees " to rape drivers . The new motto for the state of California ? " If you can 't tax em , fine em . " An earthquake on the California / Mexico border registered a magnitude 7 . 2 . Two people were killed . One by a car as he tried to run away . For the record you cannot outrun an earthquake no matter what the movies show you . Tens of million felt the quake which caused several people in Arizona to find new hope in having beach front property soon . Since I did go through the Loma Prieta in ' 89 ( 6 . 2 ) along with several other smaller quakes , I find it comforting that the California building codes have allowed us to dodge the type of bullet Haiti took . I am also reminded of the fact I live directly on top of the Hayward fault and the phrase " it 's not if , but when . " Got to love technology . Intel plans to introduce the ' light peak ' system " to connect home computer equipment . This technology would transfer data 20x faster than USB , that 's 10 gigabytes per second , or fast enough to transfer a blu - ray DVD movie in 30 seconds . Eventually Intel hopes to develop the Light Peak System to the point of that same task taking 3 seconds . I don 't know what pleases me more , our ability to progress or the fact I wont ever have to wait longer than 3 seconds to watch porn . Spring is taking its time to take hold here and the rain still comes , my corn is loving it but my onions have all bitten the dust already , victims of Mother Nature 's fickle nature , that bitch ! I know a 18 year boy who was raised in a small town . It isn 't a bad town to visit , I 've been there . The people were kind to me , and what I am bout to write in no way portrays every person in this town . For the record , I am middle aged and white and my religious beliefs are not apparent just by looking at me , with my shirt on anyways . I had several conversations in emails with this young man this week as has my girlfriend . He has informed me that I am sure to got to hell due to my lack in accepting jesus christ . he has informed me that he has a mansion waiting for him in heaven ( I didn 't ask about what kind of car he has waiting for him but I am sure it must be very nice , with power everything and a great sound - system ) I tried to give him some links about science which were met with a reply of " science is all lies , especially evolution " I tried to explain to him some of the problems with the teachings of the bible . He would not even consider or counter my points , he only said jesus christ will save him . He said that America was founded on christian values . My self and several others tried to show him that was incorrect , quoting some of the forefathers and the things they had to say on the subject . . . . it was met with . . . . well it was all ignored . I remember being 18 and thinking I knew it all . I did however ( on occasion ) listen to people . When someone countered my point I would find out if they were correct before I argued with em . Because I don 't like being wrong and because I want to understand the truth of things as closely as I can from my perspective , while not dismissing the perspectives of others out of hand . This evening the same young man shared with my girlfriend his dislike for gays . He was informed one of our closest and smartest friends is gay . Our friend is a wonderful man and some of the intolerance he has had to deal with is just disgusting . He has a partner who is also very intelligent and we have great conversations with them . Their lifestyle doesn 't effect our opinion of them one single bit , there Reap Paden The News 4 Well the Chinese have screwed us over again . Homeowners from California to Florida are being told to rip out the drywall from their homes , the problem ? Well nothing major just that the drywall emits hydrogen sulfide at a rate 100x greater than normal samples . " what is the big deal ? " you ask . . . Well the drywall also causes people to have nosebleeds , sinus infections and severe throat irritation , oh and it causes copper wire to turn black . I would hope to hear a collective " Holy Shit ? " after your read this . Maybe it 's time we start keeping an eye out for defective Chinese imports no offense to the Chinese but we really don 't like lead poisoning and nosebleeds . . . . . please try to understand . Tiger Woods is back and in case you were wondering if he ever left , well sales of his branded merchandise rose by 8 % from October to March showing we all relate to sex addiction . Although he has lost several sponsors many have stuck with Tiger through his tough times , banging his way through several women , besides his wife . Even the companies who dropped him from current ads will not say he is banished forever , they seem happy to keep one foot in the orgy waiting to see how the " comeback " plays out . I t goes to show there is no such thing as bad publicity and you gotta give kudos to a guy who can make people interested in a sport that when watching it equals the same excitement as watching paint dry . Bunny rabbits and baby chicks will be given in mass this Easter season . The trouble is . . . They grow up to be adult rabbits and chickens . I really have no trouble with rabbits . I admire their attitude on the sex act , but Chickens . . . . In my opinion are equal to fish , chickens are stupid and annoying . I would suggest if you are giving a child a baby chicken for Easter you include the phrase " Next year we can eat this ! " Sparing the little one any sorrow when you kill the damn thing because all it does is shit on your porch and try to figure out which way is up a year from now . . . . Just my opinion . Happy Easter to all and remember eReap Paden Am I mad at God ? My Dad asked me not long ago to figure out if I was mad at God or religion . I have thought about that statement . I don 't think that I am mad at God or religion . First I 'll address the God part . Things simply are things , and things simply don 't come from nothing , they come from something else . How the universe came to be is not known . We are trying to figure it out but so far we are still just ignorant pieces of dust floating on a larger piece of dust . I can 't really be mad at God because he isn 't there to be mad at . Now religion . It is tough to be mad at religion itself , it is not one thing . Religion takes many forms for me to be mad at it would be silly . I actually like the thoughts certain religions prescribe to . So , to say " I hate religion " would not be accurate . What I hate is the way it is used by people to hate , to demonstrate intolerance , to kill , to somehow present themselves as better than others . I think what I really hate , is hate itself .
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I am sitting and having a beer , well a pitcher actually . It is a quiet day and people are coming into pick up their food or to order their lunch . Suddenly a voice booms " Ask them which account they were talking about " Startled I look to my right a short lady with so much makeup she should be wearing a shirt that says " avalanche warning " is shouting into her bluetooth . While she is talking I can see her looking around as to tally who is impressed by her conversation . As I am writing she is walking into the restroom blabbing away about things only two people are interested in . I am not one of them . For those of you who see nothing wrong with the walking , talking woman I am speaking about let me give you some insight . Most of us do not care about your conversation , leave us out of it . If you cannot consider the other people in the world and at least keep your conversation to a personal volume level , or keep it outside . Your need to annoy others or try to impress them by showing you are to inept at whatever you are doing to find time to eat or piss without being on your phone is not something to show off . My daughter turned 17 a couple days ago . If I think past the fact her age makes me feel like an old man then I will have to be nothing less than very proud . I went to court to gain custody of my daughter when she was 5 years old because despite the thinking of most a child is not always better of with their mother . I won in court because I made my case and since then I have done my best to raise my daughter . I know now I have not always been good at being a father but I also know I have done the best I could at the time . My daughter , as I look at her now 17 years old and about to take on the entire world , will do just fine , so I must have done more good than bad . My daughter does not deal with B . S . she speaks up and out as needed . She is not one to look the other way , or to allow others to control her . She is bright and very social despite the fact I know these are more genetic traits than my attempts at upbringing it still makes me proud . Living in this world as an adult is never an easy thing and her being a woman , will more likely than not make it even more of a challenge at times . For her whole life I have tried to make sure she understands the only limitations she faces are those she puts on herself . My daughter is 17 , she is getting ready to face the world and despite my tendency to feel old because of the math , I am still young enough to watch her success and grow even more proud . I am a jerk , some would say I am an asshole . Well at times I am , so what ? Let me give you a warning now . The rest of this blog will contain language which may offend you . To those who think I am a jerk , asshole , shit disturber , idiot , moron , twit , Satan lover , dumb shit , dick , hater , egotistical prick , ignorant slut , or any of the many names I have been called let me give you my response . . . . . FUCK YOU ! I don 't give a shit about any ones opinion of me except mine . I am open minded and I am my own worst critic . This is a simple fact . I don 't care about being famous . I don 't give a fuck how many people think I am a dick . What I care about is being me . I can look myself in the God damn mirror and know I have done what I think is right . Have I made mistakes ? Fuck yes I have ! Have I been wrong ? Who the hell hasn 't ? I don 't hide , I don 't walk on eggshells , I don 't pretend , and I don 't say I like you if I do not . I also like to know why people dislike me . I had a bit of an argument this past weekend where a person called ma an asshole . I asked why they had this opinion . She said it would be rude to say why . Well to call me an asshole and then tell me to back up the point would be rude seems nothing less than stupid . I mean at least have the balls to back up your opinion of me . Blogging is an easy thing . It enables us all to express ourselves in our own way . I like to use my blog to present my thought process and to bring attention to things I find interesting or piss me off . I will sometimes use it to bring to light behavior which I think is wrong . I have been both criticized and praised for some of the blogs I have presented . I take both as compliments because the result of my blog has to make people think . People don 't think enough about things these days in my opinion . People click their way through the world wide web . Click , read a sentence , click , look at a picture , click . the power of the mouse has enabled people to glance and click moving on to the next blog or youtube video in the blink of an eye . I figure if I can hook anyone to read rather than click away before they get the point . That is a good thing . I like to keep my blogs short , to the point and honest . If I am proven wrong I admit it and if I believe in it , I stand by it . Blogging is my attempt to change the world , I realize it may not work but by stirring things up it may help to at least make people think instead of click . There are many ways to express yourself . These days the possibilities are endless . Some like to take the serious route , just posting what they believe to be facts and / or truths and leaving it at that . Some like to go on the attack , demanding others think like them and looking to crush those who oppose their own point of view . There are some who seem to have no stance on a subject and tend to contradict themselves or do nothing more then confuse the people they reach leaving them to scratch their head and say " huh ? " Some like to do nothing but shock you to the point where the point is lost . Then there are some in to take a humorous route trying to make you laugh along the way . Blogging , comments , social sharing , podcasting , and going out into the real world to work for what we believe in seem to be the most popular ways people choose to get their thoughts out . None of them are wrong or bad . The important thing to me is that people express what they thing . Over the years the one thing that saddens me is not the hate mongers so much as the hand sitters . The ones who just sit on their hands , never speaking up , never telling the world what they think . There really is no bad way to express yourself . It has taken me a while to realize this . I have done and still do several radio . I used to be a bit weary of sharing some of these shows with others . I was worried about offending people , I was worried that they would think less of me because I tend to present things in a way which would not be considered " normal " . I don 't ' care about that anymore . What I care about is speaking my mind . I know not everyone will enjoy my way of doing things , but that does not make it any less valid or honest . I simply do what I do and it is good not to sit on my hands . . . . I have tried it and it doesn 't please me . . . . Should it ? Skeptoid . Don 't let the name fool you or turn you away . Skeptic is a word which is given a bad definition by many in the paranormal community . I would like to see that change . With some help from a man named Brian Dunning along with some help from people who are truly ' open minded ' I think that can happen . Brian Dunning doe a podcast called Skeptoid . easy now , we are keeping an open mind , remember that . . . . . We are all skeptical about some things , that is a fact we should all be able to agree on . If you disagree then I would suggest you look up the true definition of the word . . . . What Brian does is to offer some insight and information into some of the things everyone may be skeptical about . Covering everything from urban myths , homeopathy , paranormal , general scams , and just plain scientific phenomena , the podcast really has something for everyone who isn 't a gullible fool . I like to think most people are not fools and Brian does too . The podcasts are short , averaging about 15 minutes each . The host uses his wit and research to share with you what he has learned about the topic at hand . Even if you do not agree with everything Brian says , I can assure you that you will come away with new things to think about and / or consider . Skeptoid does not attack any point of view , it considers things , and gives you a chance to do the same for yourself . Is Skeptoid always correct ? No . The host himself has admitted to being wrong on occasion . This , to me , shows what a skeptical podcast should be about , realizing no one is correct all the time , admitting it , and working to find the correct information so we can move on . If you really have an open mind then you will give Skeptoid a listen . . . . trust me . Believers and skeptics alike can get something from Brian Dunning and his Skeptoid podcasts . For that reason it earns my highest rating of 4 skulls . I can honestly assure you after you listen , skeptic will not seem like such a bad word after all . . . . . . . Find the Skeptoid podcast here . . . . . http : / / skeptoid . com / To be honest I have smoked a lot of weed , I have done a lots of lines of meth , I have done my fair share of cocaine and god ( or whoever ) knows I have drank my fair share of beer and vodka . My trouble has often been when my habits cause me trouble . . . I quit them . I know this will probably cause many people to get a bit pissed but I know if someone wants to stop doing the things that are causing them issues then it is possible . Maybe not for everyone because nothing applies to everyone but I have done it . Maybe it is in my genes because my father has also managed to stop drinking after years of indulging . I just have a problem with people who claim to be victims of anything , even their own vices . i know some people need help but for me , it has always been a matter of nothing else but plain choice . I don 't blame my youth , I don 't blame my bad luck , I don 't blame inanimate objects or substances . . . if I fail and ruin my own life I blame myself . . . . I did a radio show tonight . . . . The guest was a gentleman who claims to have made a ' free - energy ' device . I have done literally hundreds of podcasts . Every so often I still get a bit worried . I don 't want to make people look foolish . I don 't want to bait them and blind side them on a radio show , it just isn 't my way . I will make the occasional call to someone who I feel deserves it but still I will be polite and limit my self to an off - color comment about masturbation . ( right chris moon ? . . . heh heh ) It just doesn 't interest me to make people look stupid by tricking them , it an act a stupid person would resort to because they don 't know how to have a conversation . My co - host , Ed Craft booked the guest ( thank you Donn Shy ) and I told my other co - host , Polly " I really don 't want to do this show " I did the show , calling Ed and the guests . I could tell the guests were a bit uncomfortable after all , who will trust a guy named ' Reap ' right out of the gate ? One of the guests was an older gentleman from the U . K . He was nothing less than wonderful to speak to , he had great stories and a wonderful sense of humor . While I didn 't totally believe in everything he said he was obviously more intelligent than me and he gave me some things to think about and investigate further . At the end of the show I was happy I did go on with it . To be honest I don 't really know what my point is I guess maybe I want people to think about how you can have an open mind and enjoy a conversation even if you know it 's going to go all wrong . . . . I was wrong . Some of you may know Robbie Thomas recently said some things which referred to my son in a way which bothered myself and others a bit . Like I have said before , the comments didn 't have any direct effect on my son they did however piss me off a bit . . . I couldn 't help it , I am a Dad . Some people think that all I do is try to spread hate , that is not true , I pass along my version of events being as honest as possible . The events of today include Robbie apologizing for his words about my son , an apology I accepted and thanked him for . It in no way changes my opinion of Robbie 's abilities or other associated actions , I still believe he is at least misguided in his behavior . He also told me he cares about children . . . . I can only wish he cared about everyone the way he proclaims to care about kids . I have often wondered about my own demise . If I talk about it out loud my loved ones tell me to not speak of it yet I know the day will come . I have been lucky in my life . I have lived longer than many others with little strife in my life . I have lived my life happy . I have learned things others will never know , I have seen the world through eyes no one else will ever know . I have enjoyed my ride on the little speck of dust . I wonder sometimes if I will find the glory of god on my deathbed , I can say this now . . . I don 't think so . Of course I may be wrong but being of sound mind now I know god does not care about me . The fact does not make me angry it is just another fact of life . Much like a flat tire on my car is not god 's work my death is equal to that . I am okay with that , it is a fact if living . My birth was not a earth shattering event and my death will not be either . The speck of dust will continue to roll around the sun , people will keep on hating , dying , laughing , learning , and crying . . . but not about me . This is a good thing . I have enjoyed me time on the speck of dust . . . I have left children to pass things along , and I do not have to wonder if the world will carry on . As I have gone along and spent my time listening to many of the frauds involved in life , I think about those involved in the paranormal today . ( don 't worry I will cover the rest in the future ) The reason I start with the frauds involved in the paranormal first is because they are small time , I will work my way up the ladder as far as how much the subject matter effects people in general . First of all there is ZERO proof of paranormal occurrence and / or paranormal activity . All of you who heard , seen or felt something paranormal need to realize something which is very important . . . . . THAT IS NOT PROOF . There is no argument , no if ands or butts about it . It can be proof to you if you wish but to me the only thing it proves is . . . . . your brain got mixed up . Easy now , it 's not your fault , not directly anyways . The problem NO ONE in the paranormal seems to want to face is . . . now listen close . . . . . . You can not trust your own brain . . . I may catch some slack for this , but the fact remains . Still don 't believe me ? Do this before you run around in dark creepy houses at night or wonder around in a graveyard while the moon peeks out behind some gloomy gray clouds . . . . Read about the organ which sits inside your pretty little head , read about the disorders which afflict many people , even the ' sane ' ones . Read about how that thing you think is perfect and will never let you down can sometimes behave in ways not so true to your own perception . Sorry , did I lose my point ? The frauds . . . . fake psychics like Chip Coffee , who 's goal in life seems to be to act like an idiot on TV and harm kids with disorders . people like Chris Moon who claims to be able to talk to the dead on a device Thomas Edison invented . For the record , Chris can not talk to dead people on his broken radio for a few reasons . I will share with you the top two . 1 ) It is impossible to talk to the dead on a broken radio , no matter who made it . 2 ) Chris Moon is full of shit on so many levels even the dead would tell him to get a life if it was possible to talk to them . If you haPosted by I have added about 300 new friends on my social network page this week . the best thing about this bit of news is . . . . they are almost all Atheists . Allow me to explain this just a bit . The friends I have added are not just a good thing to me because we are all on a crusade to kill god ( although a few may be ) my new friends do not make me happy because they want to crush religion ( even though a few would be happy to do so ) The reason I am happy to have these new contacts is because - They think - They consider - They question . I have a lot of friends involved in the paranormal and I enjoy them too but as I have learned from reading , listening , and real life , I have grown into a strong skeptic . I keep an open mind when I need to , but there are so many claims and beliefs regarding the paranormal that are easily explained by science . . . . . . . . It makes me sad that so many people who claim to be looking for proof of an afterlife also claim be based in science when their findings could be explained be reading a high school textbook . Now to the religion part , without getting too deeply into a subject which causes me endless questions and debate . Atheist need facts . One thing that has always caused me grief in all aspects of life is the phrase " just because " . The words " just because " equal the same to me as someone saying " have faith " My Atheists friends do not play the ' have faith ' game . If any of my new friends read this I am happy to have you . Keep sharing your thoughts and what makes you laugh . I have faith in you , just because you have not let me down yet . . . . I 'll take a few minutes to talk about my radio show if you don 't mind . . . . Polly and I started doing a radio show in October of 2007 . When My friend Ed Craft asked me to do a radio show . I was flattered , but kinda nervous . I asked Polly if she would like to be my co - host and she agreed . The show was originally put together to shut down a yahoo group called " The Paranormal Police " . Between the radio show , my blogs and some help from friends the group was shut down . Let me pause here to say almost every , if not everyone , of the people involved in the paranormal police group are now what I would consider friends ( except David Rountree , but he is just to pompous ) I remember telling Polly that we would do 3 shows or so and that should be enough to make our point . Our first show sucked , there is no doubt in my mind about that . As we went along the chemistry Polly and I have always had in real life , seemed to come across quite well over the microphone . The most amazing thing was people were listening . Our listeners were a small but devoted group and since we were having a great time the show continued on . We had many guests from small paranormal groups they were all good people and since I was pretty new to the paranormal subject I found what they said a interesting subject matter to consider . As we learned the paranormal subject started to get kinda boring , to us . Polly and I had a small falling out and I continued to do the show on my own . I would pick a random topic and just roll with it for two hours . Let me tell you , talking on your own and keeping it entertaining was a challenge for me . I am not sure if I succeeded but it was still fun to do and people still listened , so the show went on . I think not having Polly on the show was a blessing in disguise . I missed her input but it gave me the confidence and opportunity to learn I could do a show on my own . Polly came back ( Yay ! ) and the chemistry came back with her . I had still been writing blogs this whole time , and I was looking for a way to get both the show and my blogsPosted by Wow . . . i 'm waiting for you and Reap to start " attacking " me . . . will it happen ? I say it will . . . hahahah because that 's what Danny does . He needs another hobby Beth . The bottom line is . Reap has a history of crossing the line with people . If you do not want to believe that , than that is your big problem . You can put him on a pedestal ( not that you said you have ) or you can face reality . He has been rude and fucked up to way too many GOOD people . . . including dear friends of mine . ( real friends ) I didn 't get involved . YOU contacted ME on Facebook asking about Lucille . I wasn 't involved with the " situation " until you emailed me . . . then Reap emailed me . Lucille had asked me who Reap was . I told her my opinion of him . Then the next thing I know , I am caught in the middle of more Reap drama . I really do hope you two find something better to do with your time than this shit . Not only was it a waste of MY TIME to be involved , you wasted your time and Lucille wasted her time as well . On a personal note . I do wish you the best of luck establishing your life as an independent woman that will never put up with anything than what you desire in life . Like I told Reap and everyone else . I 'm DONE . I 'm done with REAP , and have been for a while now ( for personal reasons ) and I personally do not care to have any affiliation with the radio show and the messages that are preached by Danny . I do not endorse hate and never will . Tonya knew good and damn well who lucille was and she asked Beth who is Bob ? ? Well Bob is a Diva too and she knew who Beth was talking about . We talked to both Bob And Amanda they knew who lucille was . . . . . . she was a member of one of tonya 's little ghost hunting groups . What more do you need to see tonya is a liar . . . . . I have said this too . . . many people have warned me about her . tonya thinks she is all that and thinks she can talk shit about me on her radio show unchecked , well little lady let me share this with ya . . . . I have a radio show too and I know how to talk , the difference is when I talk I say somethin ' Tonya Hacker from The Ghost Divas told me today I was " a time bomb " . . . . I suppose to some simple - minded people such as her it may be true . The way her comment came about is I informed her she talks to much . It was just my opinion . I have listened to The Ghost Divas show a while now , shit I used to help produce it . Tonya talks too much , she over talks even the guests . When The Divas had Micheal Shermer on she was blabbing for so long Shermer bailed out ( listen to the podcast ) When the Divas came on Warning radio my friend Baxter told me ' worst interview ever ' because Tonya wouldn 't shut the hell up and allow conversation on the show , she just talks . She seems to enjoy the sound of her own voice a lot . All this drama comes from Tonya Hacker getting all pissy about her good friend Lucille Emmert coming up on us and getting slammed by rational thinking . We asked Tonya who the hell Lucille was the same way she would have asked us if one of our friends was rolling up on her . It seemed to be a legitimate question , especially because we considered Tonya a friend . the response we got was " how do you know this is a real person ? " I knew because I had talked to Bob and Beth had talked to Amanda , Bob and Amanda are both Divas too . Next came the " Reap , you are a time bomb " Rhetoric to say the least , assumptions to call it as it was . I really do like The Ghost Divas as a whole and consider a couple of them to be my close friends , Tonya is no longer on that list . Now we have come to find out Tonya Hacker has been talking smack to Lucille about me . I have met Tonya but she knows shit about my personal life . For a while people have warned me about " the big mouthed diva " who can 't keep her big god damn mouth shut to save her own life and who loves any attention she can get . I will admit I was wrong about her . I thought she was a strong independent woman turns out she is a weak - minded gossip . . . . . . That is too bad Over the years I have had tons of people roll up on me for whatever reason it all rolls off me . I just don 't care . I 'm not sure if it was my upbringing because my mother really taught me nothing about self esteem and my father was a soft hearted drinker ( that 's not bad by the way ) where I got the cocky attitude and the ability not to care what some people think is a mystery to me . The fact is despite the mystery , I really don 't give a shit , what some people say . There are some who will question or criticize my actions and I will take a moment of consideration of their remarks . I will step back and either concur or dismiss , but I will listen . As I have said many times before I give respect until it is no longer shown and it will not be given in its absence . A lot of people assume that I go along in my opinion unchecked , that is often true . There are many times when this is not the case . Whether it be my father playing the Devils advocate or some moron with some rant which could have been written by a third grade child , I answer them all . At times this is very tough , How do you answer an idiot ? I have found lowering myself to their level and then rising above before their eyes , it will usually do the trick . My father seems to be of the mindset I am a bully and contradict myself , to be honest I often feel the same way , I often argue to myself and the winner is not always correct . My father also a great writer . He really had no readers to appreciate his talent . In this era of social networks I have been lucky to have many readers . . . . . I don 't know why people read but the fact remains . . . . . When you have the thoughts of so many people coming at you whether is be in Kudos , comments , or emails , it really does give you a sense of responsibility and causes you to second guess your own opinions . Like I said so many times before , I will keep posting my thoughts and arguments I have in my mind publicity . They will not always be correct but they always will be my current thoughts . As I go along on the ride of life you are welcoPosted by Jacked - up seems to be the best way to describe the traffic fines here in california . I understand the need to deter people from breaking the law but $ 211 for blocking a bike lane ? $ 447 for failing to make a complete stop when making a right hand turn ? The city of San Francisco has had to open another court room just to deal with all the outraged drivers who are looking to fight these unreasonable fines . The state is the government agency that is the main cause for the fine hikes . Just another example of our " action hero " Governor acting like a twit by allowing these " add on " and " fees " to rape drivers . The new motto for the state of California ? " If you can 't tax em , fine em . " An earthquake on the California / Mexico border registered a magnitude 7 . 2 . Two people were killed . One by a car as he tried to run away . For the record you cannot outrun an earthquake no matter what the movies show you . Tens of million felt the quake which caused several people in Arizona to find new hope in having beach front property soon . Since I did go through the Loma Prieta in ' 89 ( 6 . 2 ) along with several other smaller quakes , I find it comforting that the California building codes have allowed us to dodge the type of bullet Haiti took . I am also reminded of the fact I live directly on top of the Hayward fault and the phrase " it 's not if , but when . " Got to love technology . Intel plans to introduce the ' light peak ' system " to connect home computer equipment . This technology would transfer data 20x faster than USB , that 's 10 gigabytes per second , or fast enough to transfer a blu - ray DVD movie in 30 seconds . Eventually Intel hopes to develop the Light Peak System to the point of that same task taking 3 seconds . I don 't know what pleases me more , our ability to progress or the fact I wont ever have to wait longer than 3 seconds to watch porn . Spring is taking its time to take hold here and the rain still comes , my corn is loving it but my onions have all bitten the dust already , victims of Mother Nature 's fickle nature , that bitch ! I know a 18 year boy who was raised in a small town . It isn 't a bad town to visit , I 've been there . The people were kind to me , and what I am bout to write in no way portrays every person in this town . For the record , I am middle aged and white and my religious beliefs are not apparent just by looking at me , with my shirt on anyways . I had several conversations in emails with this young man this week as has my girlfriend . He has informed me that I am sure to got to hell due to my lack in accepting jesus christ . he has informed me that he has a mansion waiting for him in heaven ( I didn 't ask about what kind of car he has waiting for him but I am sure it must be very nice , with power everything and a great sound - system ) I tried to give him some links about science which were met with a reply of " science is all lies , especially evolution " I tried to explain to him some of the problems with the teachings of the bible . He would not even consider or counter my points , he only said jesus christ will save him . He said that America was founded on christian values . My self and several others tried to show him that was incorrect , quoting some of the forefathers and the things they had to say on the subject . . . . it was met with . . . . well it was all ignored . I remember being 18 and thinking I knew it all . I did however ( on occasion ) listen to people . When someone countered my point I would find out if they were correct before I argued with em . Because I don 't like being wrong and because I want to understand the truth of things as closely as I can from my perspective , while not dismissing the perspectives of others out of hand . This evening the same young man shared with my girlfriend his dislike for gays . He was informed one of our closest and smartest friends is gay . Our friend is a wonderful man and some of the intolerance he has had to deal with is just disgusting . He has a partner who is also very intelligent and we have great conversations with them . Their lifestyle doesn 't effect our opinion of them one single bit , there Reap Paden The News 4 Well the Chinese have screwed us over again . Homeowners from California to Florida are being told to rip out the drywall from their homes , the problem ? Well nothing major just that the drywall emits hydrogen sulfide at a rate 100x greater than normal samples . " what is the big deal ? " you ask . . . Well the drywall also causes people to have nosebleeds , sinus infections and severe throat irritation , oh and it causes copper wire to turn black . I would hope to hear a collective " Holy Shit ? " after your read this . Maybe it 's time we start keeping an eye out for defective Chinese imports no offense to the Chinese but we really don 't like lead poisoning and nosebleeds . . . . . please try to understand . Tiger Woods is back and in case you were wondering if he ever left , well sales of his branded merchandise rose by 8 % from October to March showing we all relate to sex addiction . Although he has lost several sponsors many have stuck with Tiger through his tough times , banging his way through several women , besides his wife . Even the companies who dropped him from current ads will not say he is banished forever , they seem happy to keep one foot in the orgy waiting to see how the " comeback " plays out . I t goes to show there is no such thing as bad publicity and you gotta give kudos to a guy who can make people interested in a sport that when watching it equals the same excitement as watching paint dry . Bunny rabbits and baby chicks will be given in mass this Easter season . The trouble is . . . They grow up to be adult rabbits and chickens . I really have no trouble with rabbits . I admire their attitude on the sex act , but Chickens . . . . In my opinion are equal to fish , chickens are stupid and annoying . I would suggest if you are giving a child a baby chicken for Easter you include the phrase " Next year we can eat this ! " Sparing the little one any sorrow when you kill the damn thing because all it does is shit on your porch and try to figure out which way is up a year from now . . . . Just my opinion . Happy Easter to all and remember eReap Paden Am I mad at God ? My Dad asked me not long ago to figure out if I was mad at God or religion . I have thought about that statement . I don 't think that I am mad at God or religion . First I 'll address the God part . Things simply are things , and things simply don 't come from nothing , they come from something else . How the universe came to be is not known . We are trying to figure it out but so far we are still just ignorant pieces of dust floating on a larger piece of dust . I can 't really be mad at God because he isn 't there to be mad at . Now religion . It is tough to be mad at religion itself , it is not one thing . Religion takes many forms for me to be mad at it would be silly . I actually like the thoughts certain religions prescribe to . So , to say " I hate religion " would not be accurate . What I hate is the way it is used by people to hate , to demonstrate intolerance , to kill , to somehow present themselves as better than others . I think what I really hate , is hate itself .
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In one week it will be Grand Opening Weekend at MOHAI . In two weeks I 'll be in New Orleans for a history conference . I 'm gonna be busy , so chances are the blog will be quiet for a while . But before I send you off into the new year , here are some tidbits to tide you over : - The Miss Universe pageant happened , which means its annual parade of bizarre national costumes also happened . I would put together a commentary for you , but it would be hard to top the one available on Tom and Lorenzo . You can read the three parts here , here , and here . - On Thursday we had an all - staff training for grand opening ( aka : " Grand Opening " as it is written in all our internal emails , or " GRAND OPENING " when it is spoken ) . I found out that I am a " lead " in my section and will be issued a headset for which have to memorize a list of rules and information about what channel to be on for different kinds of conversations . I 'm kind of stressed about it , so a few of my co - workers have offered to radio me constantly with fake code words and crises to fix . - On Friday we unpacked a large box of textiles , all of which have to be frozen and vacuumed before being put away . As I checked off their accession numbers I turned to one of my co - workers and said " is it weird that I 'm kind of excited to vacuum all this stuff ? " She said , " For you ? No . " As Grand Opening for the new MOHAI approaches , I 'm realizing that there are no longer " normal " work days . It used to be that when I worked at the new building , I had a quiet desk in a room with the artifacts . But now that room has been re - claimed as the temporary exhibits space , and I spent two days last week camped out in one of the galleries . All day , I listened to a short video about the Great Depression which was on a constant loop . For a break , I went over to the 1990s grunge section where the mount makers were working on a guitar mount . The video for that gallery wasn 't ready yet so it was . . . also playing the Great Depression video for some reason . I now know all the words to the 1930s classic , " Brother , Can You Spare a Dime ? " Today , I helped transport some artifacts to the set of a local TV show . I didn 't appear on TV myself , but did get a first - hand look at the thrilling world of local morning programming . My favorite segment before ours was " One outfit three ways " which was earth - shattering information on wearing a dress with different things to make it look different . The clip is sort of long , but I find much of it deeply comical . Why ? During the segment , the Executive Director of the museum turns to me backstage and says " Sears ? Kardashian collection ? Hot pink blazer ? Sounds like a bad idea to me . " Bless you , Leonard . Ok , so here is the MOHAI clip . The best part here is that the curator ( who is a local expert but not on the museum staff ) actually made use of the gloves I laid out for him and commented to the camera that he was following protocol because they were artifacts . He only managed to get one on though , and so just sort of holds the other one in a loose dangle for the rest of the segment . Posted by This was sort of an exhausting week at work . I mean , my job is never that rough because I don 't work as a miner or a greeter at Walmart - - but I did spend three days watching a team of people attempt to move a 2 , 000 pound piece of wood . It alternated between being boring and stressful . Boring : We 're going to spend these four hours just adding more straps to it . Stressful : Was that section of bark always like that ? Did it shift ? Are we putting too much pressure on it ? Too many straps ? Boring : Boy , those bolts sure do take a long time to remove ! Stressful : IT ' S STARTING TO ROLL ! LOWER THE FORKLIFT ! GET OUT OF THE WAY ! ( everything was fine , but we did all have a pretty serious 5 second adrenaline rush ) . First of all , it is awesome because it is something he designed , and is a reference to his childhood growing up on a chicken farm in Idaho . This re - interpretation of a not particularly glamorous part of his history was a move that my thesis advisor called " a very Chanel thing to do " . It is also cool because there are photographs of him wearing the scarf and , of course , Elsa Schiaparelli wearing one too . Finding a Bishop scarf has been a constant goal of mine for some time now . After months of nothing , I somehow found TWO in one week . First , a red one popped up on ebay . Then , I found a gray one at this house that I was visiting . I had gotten an email at work from a man who was cleaning out an old home owned by two sisters . He said there was a lot of vintage clothing and the museum could come take its pick ( yeah , obviously I shouldn 't be complaining about my job because it is awesome ) . Sure enough , the house was full of treasures , and I found the scarf in one of the last piles I looked through . I also found some ostrich leather shoes , a bright green 1970s Oscar de la Renta evening gown , and a so - hideous - its - awesome 1990s corduroy ensemble from Eddie Bauer . On Tuesday I won the ebay auction ( I was the only one who bid ) and it arrived in the mail yesterday . The scarf from the house visit has to go straight to the museum , but ebay one is mine ! I 'm excited to wear it , but I 'm discovering that a big red scarf is kind of a hard thing to pull off . Here I 'm either a pirate or Rhoda from Mary Tyler Moore - We recently acquired one of the original driving consoles from the Seattle Monorail . It is a pretty cool artifact , which you can sort of see in this picture here . Basically it is an L - shaped metal thing with a bunch of dials and knobs and a chair . I was charged with cleaning it . My method of choice ? Q - tips and a jar of mild metal cleaner - - wielded while crouching on the floor and trying to keep my skirt in some sort of modest configuration over my legs . - Another new accession was a 1930s doll that was purchased from a Seattle toy store . As I started cataloging it I realized that I was going to have to put a number on every single piece of clothing she had , no matter how tiny . Hard objects ( plastic , metal , wood etc . ) usually get printed numbers that are adhered with a removable resin , and those numbers can be made quite small . Fabric usually gets numbers written out on twill tape and sewn in - - but the twill tape we use is pretty bulky . These clothes were so small and delicate I needed another solution . So I wrote numbers on Tyvek as small as I could and then sewed it down on one side . It turned out pretty well - Do you remember Black Bart ? Well , he is out of his crate and ready for action ! On Friday I had to hang out with him while the mount makers prepared his mechanized mount . Unlike other projects though , which are done in the privacy of our artifact staging room , this was happening in the center of the grand atrium . So as people came into work and donors passed by for tours , I was there authoritatively guarding a shirtless man in tight pants , lying flat on his back on a table . Then , when we lifted him up to test the mount , I noticed a bunch of scratches so I dutifully took a picture to document the issue : Today we had an all staff meeting where the main topic was GRAND OPENING which is now a mere MONTH away . We got multiple explanatory handouts , printed spreadsheets of daily assignments , and early reminders about taking breaks and eating so we don 't pass out . As stressful as it sounds I 'm looking forward to it . The only serious bad news was confirmation that the V . I . P . opening is cocktail attire rather than black tie as I was previously told . Ugh . Now I have to re - think my whole dressing concept for the night . We also got an update on press coverage , and it was announced that our director , creative director , and historian have been co - named on a Seattle Magazine list of the most influential people of 2012 . We all applauded but then the director cut in with " Well , actually we are just stand - ins representing the whole MOHAI team . So really it is the whole team that made the list - - that means you ! " Aw . Thanks Leonard . Now I can proudly say that it was implied that I was part of a group of people who made a list of the most influential Seattle people of 2012 . I don 't even know where to start with this . Very awkward guy with the substantial wavy hair in the middle row ? Pop - out - the - hip model poser on the upper right ? Those weird things around their necks ? Some comment about padded , pillowy thighs ? How nerdily dapper is this crew ? Can you read their sweaters ? Crescent was a local spice manufacturing company , and their most famous product was a maple flavor substitute called Mapleine . The team was called " The Mapleines " and they were the Commercial Bowling League Champions of 1922 - 1923 . I realize these are grown men who probably had very complex lives and personalities but all I have to say is ADORABLE . Posted by But second , for all my talk about how stressful things are at the museum right now , I don 't really feel riddled with anxiety on a constant basis . Not every day is stressful , and I 'm pretty good at unwinding in the evening . My roommate and I spend most nights enjoying the trashiest , most mindless shows that Hulu and Netflix have to offer . When I woke up from the bug dream I was sort of like , " Really , brain ? I give you RuPaul 's Drag Race and Say Yes to the Dress to work with , and you create a pest - based nightmare instead of some mash - up where drag queens go shopping for wedding dresses ? ! " Ok , back to your regularly scheduled blog programming . On Thursday we were reminded that we have 30 working days left before the Grand Opening , assuming we don 't start working weekends . That night I had a dream that I was working at the Armory and everything looked about as done as it is now : plastic and masonite protecting the floors , empty cases , and painters tape everywhere . I looked outside and saw that people were lining up already for the opening . I was about to send them away , but then someone explained to me that we were opening in 5 hours . I started to panic , but everyone else was shockingly calm and almost chastised me for being so irrational . " Well , " they shrugged , " We still have five hours , " as if that was somehow a generous amount of time . It isn 't all stress at MOHAI these days . On Wednesday my department pulled off a pretty awesome Halloween prank in which we all dressed up as one of the guys on the move crew . Bask in the sheer glee emanating from this photograph : Honoree " Hollywood Hair " Jeff is in the center , being a good sport about the fact that we bought ratty $ 10 wigs to represent his defining feature . Posted by One of the larger artifacts going on display at the new museum is a life - size mannequin of a famous Japanese court lady , which was a gift to Seattle from the city of Kyoto . Well , larger is a relative term because we also have an airplane and a few vehicles on display , but she is certainly bigger than a can of salmon or a glue pot . This week we had to take her out of her crate and lift her onto her mount , which required several steps and three people to help . She is made to look very realistic : glass eyes , eyelashes , real hair , and teeth visible through parted lips . One of the mount makers said they thought she was creepy , but I thought she wasn 't so bad as far as fake people go . But after a while we were all joking around and making fun of her and how much trouble she was giving us with the mount . When we lifted her for the last time I felt a tug at my neck and looked down to see my necklace caught in her fingers . No , not caught . The chain was being perfectly held in her porcelain hands exactly as if she had grabbed me . " She 's got my necklace ! " I yelped . The mount makers looked up and stared wide - eyed as I tried to carefully wrestle the chain from between her fingers . At about 10am on Wednesday , the facility manager at the Armory strode into the gallery where we were installing and informed us that the city had shut off our water for about two hours due to some construction on the street outside . Not they were about to shut off our water , they had . That meant no bathrooms for two hours effective immediately . As soon as he said it , you could sense everyone in the room doing a quick mental bladder assessment . Full ? Empty ? Suddenly full now that I 'm thinking about it ? " Well , there are Port - o - Potties in the park outside . " Those things ? The ones that spread a stink radius five feet deep and haven 't been cleaned since Spring ? I 'd rather we were next door to the Bates Motel . You know they have running water . The day dragged on . Everyone was grumpy and dehydrated , too afraid to drink anything lest the need become worse . Four hours later , still no water . At 3 : 00 I demanded an update . " Yeah , so it turns out they turned off the wrong pipe and they aren 't sure when it will be back on but probably by morning . " This was insanity . When I returned home that evening I was dizzy with excitement to be back in civilization . But was it really over ? Or would I be forever haunted by the horrors I had endured that day ? Posted by Putting my contacts in actually made it feel better , so I just carried on and assumed it would work itself out . On Monday it was still hurting , and my parents urged me to go to a doctor . It seemed weird to go to a doctor for something so whiny and small , and I still had to fill out all the same paperwork and answer all the usual doctor questions , most of which were about ladybusiness . I know there is good reason for it , but when the nurse asked when my last period was and I just wanted to be like I ' M PRETTY SURE MY EYE ISN ' T PREGNANT . I was totally fine with this plan since I had recently updated my prescription and gotten a nice , cool new pair of glasses . My old ones were cloudy in one eye ( don 't ask ) and the prescription was terrible , so I only wore them while getting in and out of bed . The new ones are thick - rimmed and distinctive , and I hesitated to start wearing them because the look would be a dramatic change . I needed to pick the right time , I thought , because I would get questions and comments about them all day . So I wore them to work on Tuesday . . . and not one single person commented . Not one . The next day I was at a different site with a different group of people so I tried the experiment again . I made it half the day with no comments , and eventually the grand total squeaked up to two . People who see me all the time didn 't say a word . I was sure it was going to be some kind of earthshaking change and I would have to calm everyone down and assure them that life would somehow go on as before . Instead , this only child was once again reminded that she is not the center of the universe , and not that many people are paying attention to what is going on in my face region . So who were the two prize winners of the " something is different about Clara " sweepstakes ? One was my friend Curt , who I am friends with outside of work and sees me all the time . The other was the museum 's attractive Austrian janitor Karl , who noticed right away and cooed " they look good on you " in his flirty , germanic accent . Oh Karl , stop . Well . . . that ugly collection just won him the season . I was thrilled to see him win , but I stand behind my previous comments . The collection was well made but it was overworked , weirdly styled , and minimally innovative . Many are saying that hippie Fabio deserved the win , and I 'm fine with that , but his didn 't excite me at all either . I wish I could take credit for this quip , but I read somewhere that Fabio 's clothes looked like they were for a woman who lives in New Mexico and buys a lot of Georgia O ' Keefe prints . Stacked up against the best collections of years past , there wasn 't anyone this year who deserved the win . The bottom line is that the designers were given a mere five weeks to put their collections together . In seasons past they have had four or five months . OF COURSE the entire output was lackluster . This week I faced a serious clothing conundrum : What to wear to a meeting at the corporate offices of Tommy Bahama ? I wanted to look professional , but I didn 't want to show up in my favorite " I mean business " dress and discover that the person I was meeting with was wearing a sarong and flip - flops . I found the issue so comical and intriguing that I posted it to facebook and even uploaded one of those narcissistic pictures in the mirror of what I eventually chose . The bottom line though was that I was really , really excited about this meeting . . . which made it all the more embarrassing when five minutes before I was about to leave I got an email saying they would have to reschedule . As I banged my head against my desk , one of the the people I work with said , " Well , I guess they have a casual approach to keeping appointments , too . " Ooooh ! BURN ON TOMMY BAHAMA . So what was I so stoked about ? Since when is " resort casual " my aesthetic ? Well , it isn 't . But I 've only recently found out that Tommy Bahama is a Seattle - founded and Seattle - based company , which means it is suddenly fascinating to me . I mean , it seems strange that Tommy Bahama is from Seattle , right ? Our region isn 't exactly known for its warm , beachy climate . In fact , there is only one Tommy Bahama store in the city of Seattle , and it opened around a decade after the company was founded . So what gives ? Well , there is a much bigger story about the jeans and casual wear industry in Seattle . It started with Brittania in the 1970s and then Generra and Union Bay in the 1980s . Brittania is credited with being one of the first to market faded denim in the US , and all three were innovators in teen wear . The companies took advantage of the port and Seattle 's proximity to Asia , and they were some of the first to have designers stateside and production overseas . That particular innovation would eventually be devastating to the US garment industry , so while it is difficult to applaud , it is also impossible to deny that it was an important and influential business model . These days , almost all of our clothes are made overseas . Brittania and Generra have since fizzled , but Union Bay is still kicking and has its headquarters in a building on Lake Union . There are also several companies that have been started by former employees of the big three . Tommy Bahama has three cofounders : two of which had started at Brittania and then were major players at Generra , and one who was the former vice - president of Union Bay . The jeans industry and the companies that grew out of it is something I 'd like to know more about , and I 'd like to see that story represented in the MOHAI collection . Of course , recently - made casual wear is never what someone thinks to donate to a history museum . I think most people would be shocked to hear that I roll my eyes when I get an offer for yet ANOTHER 1880s wedding dress , but would jump for joy over some 1980s Seattle branded jeans . Scratch that . Not jump for joy . I would do one of those dance moves from the Hypercolor commercial . Running man with extra side - order of flailing arms . This week I celebrated the anniversary of my return to Seattle . One year ago I arrived by train from New York and started my fantastic job at MOHAI . I still miss many things about NYC , but overall being in Seattle has been wonderful and I still feel blessed to be here doing what I 'm doing . In recognition of my happy , celebratory feelings , it was appropriate that on Friday I got to sing Beethoven 's 9th symphony at Benaroya Hall . This summer I auditioned for the Seattle Choral Company , but had second thoughts about joining when the audition alone was way more intense than I expected ( to give you an idea : I scored a zero on the French portion of the language exam ) . Instead , I decided to join their " festival chorus , " a group of singers they call upon occasionally for larger choral works that require a bigger sound . This year , they needed extras for the choral finale of Beethoven 's 9th . I 've never sung it , but my German is ausgezeichnet compared to my French , and I already knew the basic tune . You probably do too . I 've listened to the full 9th Symphony before , but that was pretty much how I pictured it . Lots of fun German words , a big cheering crowd , and John Lennon on the harmonica . Well , I was in for a shock . Sure , the chorus gets several refrains of the " Ode to Joy " but there are a lot of other parts too , and for most of it the sopranos are at the top of our range , trying to belt out text and high As at the same time . Flip to about the 8 : 30 mark in the video below and you 'll have an idea of how ridiculous it gets by the end : On the night of the concert , our director told us to " leave nothing on the table . " The choral part comprises about 15 minutes of singing and it 's over . Our rehearsals lasted for 2 hours and thirty minutes each , and so learning the piece felt like a marathon . But in performance it was more like a sprint , and so he was telling us to push toward the end and have nothing left after the last measure . It was stirring advice , and in performance the piece finally felt like the joyful thrill it was intended to be . Yesterday I did something I 've never done before : I went to a high school football game . My roommate ( a teacher ) invited me , and I was strangely intrigued by the prospect . My high school didn 't have a football team , so everything I knew about the experience was from TV and movies . Admittedly , the Seattle HS football scene isn 't exactly like small - town Texas ( probably ' cause , you know , there are other things to do here on a Friday night ) but it was pretty fascinating nonetheless . There were cheerleaders , a marching band , and the team even charged through a big piece of paper when they came out after halftime . I was watching the Franklin Quakers , so the only thing missing was some sort of terrifying Ben Franklin mascot . Near the end of the third quarter , the cheerleaders started this cheer that everyone seemed really excited about . They chanted something , and then said " let me see your alligator ! " and everyone did snapping jaw motion with their arms . Next they said " let me see your dougie " and then some little dance move thing happened . And last they said " let me see your QUAKER FACE " and then time stood still as my brain was like " What is happening right now ? What is Quaker Face ? What could it possibly be ? ? " All my Quaker friends from Earlham materialized in an apparition before me as I threw up my hands in confusion . Then time started again . It turned out to be some sort of motion with hands on the side of the face . WHAT DOES IT MEAN , CHEERLEADERS ? WHAT DOES IT MEAN ? ? Girl . No . This week I bought an awesome vintage dress that I had tried on a few days earlier and came back for because I couldn 't stop thinking about it . Seriously , this dress is going to blow everyone 's minds when I wear it . Get ready . Anyway , while I had it on , the woman at the store was , of course , trying to convince me to buy it . That 's what salespeople do . At one point she pointed to the beading and said , " This is very nice workmanship . It is definitely couture . " I was like : Yeah , you saw it coming . I still want to talk about Dmitry . The problem is , I usually watch Project Runway either Friday night or Saturday morning , so when I blog on Saturday , it is all I can think about . Remember when I was excited for him to serve up sequins for the Rockette challenge ? Well , it was awesome . First of all , we got treated to hearing him say " Rahkyette " about 10 times , and then he started snarking to the camera about how boring another designer 's dress was . He actually said this : Hilarious . I 'm going to make that a daily affirmation . This week they had a sort of dumb challenge to design baby clothes , and as part of it they gave them all baby dolls that cried constantly . They even made them take them home to their apartments that night . In the morning , they showed the babies all screaming , and the bleary - eyed designers scrambling to calm them . Dmitry was glaring at his baby over his pillow , and then said to the camera : The fact is , there is no one move . Soon after I started , we moved artifacts out of an old storage location and into a new one . This summer , staff started moving to our new Georgetown facility . The first wave of artifacts soon followed , and are still arriving in batches . Of course artifacts have also been moving to our new building in South Lake Union , and the rest of the staff will move there in about a month . And yesterday , I moved . At " old " MOHAI in Montlake , I had my own little office , complete with dim lighting and loud elevator noises . Here is how it looked just before the movers arrived : First off : LIGHT . I brought my whole arsenal of lamps with me from my old office and now they are just lined up helplessly in the corner . Second : WINDOWS . Yeah , ok they aren 't to the outside , but no collections person expects that . I have a great view of the hallway and collections storage , and that is a heck of a lot more cheerful than a cinder - block wall . Third : HUMAN INTERACTION . There aren 't people visible in the photo , but there are lots around . The rest of my department moved to the new space months ago , and I 've been spending a lot of quiet days alone in my old office . I 'm looking forward to feeling more connected and not worrying that if I fall asleep at my desk I might get forgotten and locked inside the building . Here , if I fall asleep at my desk , everyone will see and make fun of me ( the windows help with that ) . Four : NO MORE ELEVATOR NOISES When the new MOHAI opens in December , our first temporary exhibition will be about movie theaters and filmmaking in Seattle . For the show , we are borrowing costumes from a local company that dressed a number of recent films that used Seattle as a location . The only problem is that most recent films set in Seattle actually use Vancouver for filming ( something about taxes ) , and so actual films made in Seattle tend to be sort of obscure and little known . So , to get you all hyped up about the costumes I 'm dressing for Celluloid Seattle , your assignment is to become obsessed with the following movies : This was a 2002 made - for - TV movie which ended up being forgettable for everyone except those involved in Seattle - area historical societies . The story about a haunted Seattle mansion was totally fabricated , but the marketing campaign tried to get people thinking it was a true story - - much like the Blair Witch Project had done a few years earlier . They set up a fake University website and had a faux documentary about the history of this non - existent building . The result was that lots of people were fooled and started contacting places like MOHAI try to find out more . When told it was just made up , some became angry and assumed that we were either misinformed or part of the cover - up . Historylink has a pretty hilarious run - down of all the inquiries it received , which includes comments like " If the story of Ellen Rimbauer is not true then where did the photos come from ? " and " The unaccounted for bodies of those who visited the mansion should be proof enough . . . who are you to depict which are true and which are false ? " Also looks kind of fun , right ? It was filmed partially in West Seattle and in nearby Bavarian - themed town Leavenworth . At about 40 seconds in you get a great view of Elliott Gould 's grandpa costume which we have for the exhibit . Hardly haute couture , but the printed shirt is Tommy Bahama which is a local brand . I think it 's a nice touch . With this movie and Grassroots , it 's a reminder that most costume designers don 't spend their time churning out Elizabethan gowns . Generally they work with ready - made pieces , and have to put outfits together that match the life and personality of each character . If you make the wrong choice with a period piece , only nerds like me will notice . But if you dress a contemporary movie , you have to tap into people 's present understanding of what certain styles and colors mean . If you put a dark toned , structured blazer on a retired Floridian , everyone is going to feel that it looks wrong . The movie was made in 2011 and was shown at the Seattle International Film Festival , but I think it has yet to have a general theatrical release . It might be coming soon to a theater near you ! Thanks for all your kind words about the various traumas I endured last week . I 'm doing better . The work thing will probably haunt me for a long time , but the actual event is over so at least I can sleep at night . Love continues to be dead , but a reasonable facsimile is still available in the form of Jane Austen novels . That would be a childhood photo of Dmitry , dressed up in what appears to be a drum major uniform with extra rickrack . As part of a challenge about personal and cultural heritage , the designers were surprised by visits from loved ones and shown photos from their past . Dmitry started crying when his friend Irina played him a video of his father in Belarus , offering words of encouragement . It was a heart - melting moment . Look ! He already has an affinity for blonde ladies ! ( For the record I 'm aware that Dmitry is probably gay . Not to make blanket judgments about opposite - sex friendships , but the presence of a lifelong , female best friend is a possibly an indicator . His low V - neck t - shirts are another . But who cares ? He also probably doesn 't live in a Dracula castle either . ) THEN not only did Dreamy Dmitry go on to win the challenge , but we found out that next week they were going to be dressing the Rockettes . At first I was worried for him , but then another blog pointed out that Dmitry " Strictly Ballroom " Sholokov might have this one in the bag . Oh yeah . He used to be a ballroom dancer and probably learned to sew by making his own costumes . I bet he practically grew up in stretch polyester . Contemplating this , Olivia and I proceeded to have the following offensive conversation : If you know me , you know I love Project Runway . I own the first five seasons on DVD and used to clear my schedule whenever it was on . But the move to Lifetime has been rough , and I thought a low point had been reached when Gretchen won instead of Mondo in Season 8 . But the real low point was when I just stopped watching Season 9 because I realized I was dreading each episode and I felt actively anxious and unhappy while watching . I made it through All - Stars but it felt like a chore . So I was pretty sure I was going to watch little , if any , of Season 10 . But Olivia and I ended up watching a few and got hooked , mainly because we fell in love with Dmitry Sholokov , the hilarious , ballroom dancing Belarusian who looks like younger , hotter incarnation of Professer Snape . His thick - accented quips have single - handedly brought the joy of Project Runway back into my life . So far , he has made some great dresses but hasn 't won a challenge . I was hoping his " always the bridesmaid never the bride " story would be similar to that of Jay McCarroll , who uttered that line just before producing one of the best finale collections to date and winning Season 1 . But this week the remaining designers showed at fashion week and Dmitry 's was . . . kinda bad . Which means he won 't win . Then again none of the collections were particularly exciting , so once again , a season of Project Runway is destined to collapse into one giant letdown . 2 . Love Is Dead I probably shouldn 't be dreaming of moving to Eastern Europe so I can live in a castle and have pale babies with Dmitry because the news came this week that love is dead and we should all give up . If you have been wondering why people are sobbing openly in the streets or why pints of Ben & Jerry 's are sold out at your local grocery store , you must not have heard that all - time awesome couple Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are breaking up . Every time I chuckled with schadenfreude over some overexposed celebrity couple going bust , I wondered if I was just hard - hearted toward love and if I would ever be upset to hear about the break up of two people I don 't know . And for years the answer was obvious : Amy and Will . Besides both being two of the funniest people I can think of , they seemed like they really had a loving , respectful , fun , equal marriage . So if they can 't make it work , it means that love must be broken and that we should all just crawl into bed with a box of doughnuts and commence eating our feelings . 1 . Ugh This week something very , very frustrating happened at work and it appears that there is nothing I can do about it . Since this is a public blog , I can 't tell you about it , but I can tell you that my level of sheer rage on the subject has had me listening to Mozart 's Queen of the Night aria on repeat for cathartic comfort . If you 're not familiar , here is a clip . Yep . That is pretty much how I feel . On Monday at the new museum , I had the exciting task of monitoring the moving crew while they worked with some of our larger artifacts . Basically that meant I was supposed to watch them with a steely , judgmental stare that says " under normal circumstances I would rip your head off for touching an artifact like that , but that thing weighs 1400 pounds so I suppose I need your help to move it . " The project included taking the wheels off of a cart and reassembling it in a gallery , and moving our famous racist fish - gutting machine into place . After watching for a little while , I realized I was actually having fun witnessing the whole process . It was just so different than my normal workday . I work mostly with women , and manual tasks are completed slowly and methodically . Fabrics get vacuumed with brush attachments that aren 't much bigger than a quarter , and an entire canoe can get cleaned with a q - tip . But here was this pack of tough guys hammering axels into place , bracing things with giant pieces of wood , and using exciting tools like " winches " and " bottle jacks . " For both projects they had ingenious , well thought - out plans for how to move the objects carefully and methodically , but there were still a few moments where the best option was " hand me the hammer , " or " let 's just see what happens if we push it really hard . " That would be the mannequin that I made the aforementioned beefy arms for . How would you feel if you turned on the light in your office one morning and saw that ? Eventually , he will have hair and hands , and will be wearing a hat , vest , tuxedo jacket , pants , and shoes . But right now he looks like some sort of pants - less , nubby - handed Frankenstein monster . This then brought to mind my other favorite creep - tastic collections photo : This is Black Bart , a quick - draw cowboy arcade game from the 1962 World 's Fair . Here we see him back from the conservator ( where he got some face - work ) and tucked into his packing crate . His shirt was removed so it could be replaced with a prop shirt . About two months ago I got an email that the local PBS station was looking for people to volunteer for Antiques Roadshow . The deal was you had to be willing to show up at 6 : 30 am on a Saturday , and then work on your feet for a twelve hour day . In payment you would get a free Antiques Roadshow polo shirt , two meals , and two appraisals by the experts . I thought , " You had me at free Antiques Roadshow polo shirt . " ( Just as a warning - this is a long post . If you have always wanted to know the inner working of Antiques Roadshow , this is your lucky day . If you barely care , skip to the last paragraph for the # 1 best part of the story . ) We had training on the Friday before and got our jobs assigned . Some assignments seemed uninteresting , but also low pressure ( standing at the front door and greeting people ) and others seemed exciting and high pressure ( working with the camera crew but wearing a headset and running around all day ) . In the end , I played my cards exactly right and found the perfect job : working on the set , directing people into the line for the Rugs and Textile appraisals . Most of the day consisted of managing a line of people . Basically the Antiques Roadshow set is one big circle , with tables of appraisers along the interior perimeter . In the center of the circle is the filming crew and the areas for the on - camera appraisals . The appraisers are divided into categories ( pottery , furniture , Asian art , prints ) , and there is supposed to be a short line in front of every table . When you watch the show , you see lots of people milling around in the background : these are people lined up for appraisals and the volunteers trying to jostle them into the right position . On the outside of the big circle are much , much longer lines for each category . My job was to walk people from the longer hidden line , into the shorter on - set line , and to keep people from sneaking directly into the shorter line . Going to the Antiques Roadshow means lots and lots of waiting ( 6 , 000 people came through with two items each ) , so the main thing that was stressful was dealing with grumpy people in the longer line . By the time they saw me , most had been waiting in different kinds of lines for several hours . But after a few seemingly - tense situations , I discovered that the biggest grumps transformed into cheerful , wide - eyed folk as soon as I led them on set . Speaking of waiting , I realized that if you were excited about the possibility of getting an on - camera appraisal , you should be careful what you wish for . If an appraiser thought you had a TV - worthy story they would call a volunteer like me over , I would go to the volunteer in my section with a headset , and he would send in a request for a producer to come to the table . The owner of the object was sent away to wait , and when the producer came over the appraiser pitched the story to them and they decided if it is camera - worthy . Getting on television is also the goal of the appraisers because it means exposure for them and their business . So at any given time , there are a number of appraisers wanting to speak to the producer . At one point , there were people with objects waiting an hour and a half just to have the producer come over and decide if they were going to get filmed . IF they were picked for filming ( sometimes they weren 't ) they would go into the green room to get makeup and wait to be called onto set . That wait could also stretch into an hour plus . One thing that really surprised me was how much time the appraisers at my table spent with each person . I had three experts : Connie and Steven who specialized mostly in vintage clothing and accessories , and Jim the carpet guy . All of them spent at least five minutes , and sometimes what seemed like as much as 15 or 20 with each person . It made the line move excruciatingly slow , but I don 't think anyone walked way unhappy from the table . Never once did someone get a " Meh . $ 10 . NEXT ! " appraisal . No matter the value , each item got the appraiser 's full attention and they told the person as much as they could . When it was time for my own appraisals , I found out that not every table worked that way . The line for textiles was long , but some of the lines , like painting , were INSANE and so the appraisers had to work very quickly . I brought in two pottery pieces that my parents owned that we had reason to believe were somewhat interesting and possibly valuable . I saw a different appraiser for each one , but I felt like both pieces were dealt with hastily and dismissed as unimportant . I was told one was " the type of thing you see a lot at garage sales " and the other was " only $ 300 to $ 500 . " I walked away defeated , but later realized that they could have told me all the same information in a better way and I would have felt a lot better . $ 300 to $ 500 for a tiny tea bowl that my Dad got for free ? ? Hot dog ! The day ended up being longer than planned . At our 6 : 30 release time there were still some substantial lines , so we all just kept going . Finally at 8 , when most of the lines were done or at least down to the people inside the set , they told us to go home ( the appraisers apparently stayed until the last appraisal was done ) . I was exhausted , but it was an awesome , fascinating , totally worth - it day . They said they would make Seattle into three episodes , airing sometime in early 2013 . I think there is a good chance that the back of my head will be in a shot somewhere ! Ok , but I saved the best story for last . In the middle of the day , the appraiser I had connected with in the morning called me over by name ( to be fair , I had a giant name tag on ) to come look at something . In front of me was a woman with several hats . " What can you tell us about John Eaton ? " he asked . I couldn 't believe it ! As a museum person I couldn 't say anything about value ( I didn 't really know anyway ) but I talked about his store , his career as a milliner , and his legacy as a teacher . I even slipped in something about Gigi and Voulez - Vous . I shared my knowledge with this nationally recognized appraiser and got to tell the owner of the hats something interesting that she didn 't know . Totally worth waking up at 5 : 30 am and standing around for 13 hours ! Last weekend I went to Vancouver ! I rolled into town via my favorite transportation method ( train ) and was shown around by my awesome friend Danielle . Highlights included taking advantage of the nearly equal exchange rate to buy things I didn 't need , visiting the Asian " night market " where we ate fried bananas and visited a booth that was selling bouquets made of stuffed animal heads , and watching Canadian coverage of the Olympics . We also saw an outdoor movie showing of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom which I had never seen before . It was . . . sort of bad . I thought the three other than Crystal Skull were the good ones but it was pretty racist and had a terrible love interest who squealed " I broke a nail " at least twice . Can I get some validation here ? Am I speaking Indiana Jones blasphemy ? It was called " Art Deco Chic " and was about clothing in the 1920s and 1930s . Besides the fantastic dresses , what really excited me about it was that the exhibition was within reach of what could be done at MOHAI . It was beautiful and engaging , but it wasn 't on the level of the MET or the Museum at FIT where all the mannequins match and each room has some elaborate set . This was an impressive show at a local history museum . The mannequins were really interesting because they didn 't all match . They were clearly cobbled together from a few different sources and the curators had to do a lot of work trying to put the right dress with the right form . " Don 't lose your heads over it ! Ha Ha ! " [ elbow jab ] Mostly , it worked . I can 't remember any being particularly creepy or strange . Oh wait , now I remember . Aunt Mavis there on the right seemed like she had wandered into the wrong show . I left brimming with ideas and dreaming of the day when I would get to put on my own fashion exhibition . And wondering if I would ever be fabulous enough to pull off a hoodie dress . Posted by It all started innocently enough . One of my coworkers in the library was processing a new collection and came across a reference to a designer named John Eaton . Since no one seemed to know anything we started searching . First someone found an ebay listing for a photo of him . Then I found an article in the Seattle Times historical database . Before long , we knew the following things : 1 ) While he did design clothes his specialty was hats . He had a shop across the street from Frederick & Nelson called " John Eaton , Of Course ! " and later in life he taught millinery classes in Seattle . 2 ) In the 1960s he was living with his " business partner " James Neher and two poodles named Gigi and Voulez - vous . Now , I don 't want to jump to conclusions about men who live with other men and own poodles , but I think the implication there is pretty clear . The more I looked , the more there was to love . First of all , it looks like he was pretty much the biggest deal in hats the city has ever had . His shop was one thing , but his major legacy was his teaching . I saw one quote that claimed all milliners currently working in Seattle either learned directly from him or from one of his students . Second , it turns out that my hunch about him being gay wasn 't just an educated guess . In the 1980s the Seattle Times did a feature about gay couples in Seattle and " Jim and John " were included as a happy couple that had been together 33 years . When faced with snide remarks , James said " we chose to ignore it and act like gentlemen . " I can 't wait to find out more about Eaton and let more people know about his awesomeness . Tragically for you , if you are interested in those ebay listings for the photos you see in this post , too bad . I already snapped them up . I also bought a hat of his on etsy . Hmm . I just got a vision of myself on an upcoming episode of hoarders . My apartment will be filled to the gills with old Nordstrom ads , packages of vintage John Doyle Bishop hosiery , and Bon Marche shopping bags , and the therapist will pull something out of the rubble and say " Now , do you really need this photograph of a man and two poodles ? Is he even related to you ? I 'm going to throw this away , " and I 'll be like " Noooo ! I 'm saving it for HISTORY . " This week , as I expectantly searched through a photo album for insect carcasses , it occurred to me that you couldn 't really be a good museum collections person if you had a crippling fear of bugs . Artifact collections shouldn 't have bugs or vermin of any kind , but part of the process of keeping that way requires an obsessive interest in bugs and evidence of bugs . We put down sticky traps , check exhibit cases for frass ( bug poop ) , and if we actually find a bug our first instinct is to put it in a bag . I once looked down to see a small bug crawling on my hand , and my response was to walk calmly over to the collections manager 's desk , show her , and ask for an insect bag . Once bagged , we looked through her chart of harmful artifact - eating insects and tried to identify it . Bugs are also a big reason I 've been doing so much vacuuming . As a precaution , we 've decided every textile - based object coming off exhibit will get vacuumed , deep frozen , and vacuumed again . The freezing kills insects , and the vacuuming removes dead bugs , eggs , and dust that might be tasty to insects in the future . I haven 't found any bug evidence on objects for a while , and so sometimes I wonder if all this extra vacuuming is really necessary . But last week I found some bug bits on a fabric - covered photo album , and it was actually sort of exciting and validating . With relish I paged through the album looking for carcasses , and with each one I removed , I felt like I was creating order in a chaotic world . I may not be able to fix global poverty , but I can fix this .
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In one week it will be Grand Opening Weekend at MOHAI . In two weeks I 'll be in New Orleans for a history conference . I 'm gonna be busy , so chances are the blog will be quiet for a while . But before I send you off into the new year , here are some tidbits to tide you over : - The Miss Universe pageant happened , which means its annual parade of bizarre national costumes also happened . I would put together a commentary for you , but it would be hard to top the one available on Tom and Lorenzo . You can read the three parts here , here , and here . - On Thursday we had an all - staff training for grand opening ( aka : " Grand Opening " as it is written in all our internal emails , or " GRAND OPENING " when it is spoken ) . I found out that I am a " lead " in my section and will be issued a headset for which have to memorize a list of rules and information about what channel to be on for different kinds of conversations . I 'm kind of stressed about it , so a few of my co - workers have offered to radio me constantly with fake code words and crises to fix . - On Friday we unpacked a large box of textiles , all of which have to be frozen and vacuumed before being put away . As I checked off their accession numbers I turned to one of my co - workers and said " is it weird that I 'm kind of excited to vacuum all this stuff ? " She said , " For you ? No . " As Grand Opening for the new MOHAI approaches , I 'm realizing that there are no longer " normal " work days . It used to be that when I worked at the new building , I had a quiet desk in a room with the artifacts . But now that room has been re - claimed as the temporary exhibits space , and I spent two days last week camped out in one of the galleries . All day , I listened to a short video about the Great Depression which was on a constant loop . For a break , I went over to the 1990s grunge section where the mount makers were working on a guitar mount . The video for that gallery wasn 't ready yet so it was . . . also playing the Great Depression video for some reason . I now know all the words to the 1930s classic , " Brother , Can You Spare a Dime ? " Today , I helped transport some artifacts to the set of a local TV show . I didn 't appear on TV myself , but did get a first - hand look at the thrilling world of local morning programming . My favorite segment before ours was " One outfit three ways " which was earth - shattering information on wearing a dress with different things to make it look different . The clip is sort of long , but I find much of it deeply comical . Why ? During the segment , the Executive Director of the museum turns to me backstage and says " Sears ? Kardashian collection ? Hot pink blazer ? Sounds like a bad idea to me . " Bless you , Leonard . Ok , so here is the MOHAI clip . The best part here is that the curator ( who is a local expert but not on the museum staff ) actually made use of the gloves I laid out for him and commented to the camera that he was following protocol because they were artifacts . He only managed to get one on though , and so just sort of holds the other one in a loose dangle for the rest of the segment . Posted by This was sort of an exhausting week at work . I mean , my job is never that rough because I don 't work as a miner or a greeter at Walmart - - but I did spend three days watching a team of people attempt to move a 2 , 000 pound piece of wood . It alternated between being boring and stressful . Boring : We 're going to spend these four hours just adding more straps to it . Stressful : Was that section of bark always like that ? Did it shift ? Are we putting too much pressure on it ? Too many straps ? Boring : Boy , those bolts sure do take a long time to remove ! Stressful : IT ' S STARTING TO ROLL ! LOWER THE FORKLIFT ! GET OUT OF THE WAY ! ( everything was fine , but we did all have a pretty serious 5 second adrenaline rush ) . First of all , it is awesome because it is something he designed , and is a reference to his childhood growing up on a chicken farm in Idaho . This re - interpretation of a not particularly glamorous part of his history was a move that my thesis advisor called " a very Chanel thing to do " . It is also cool because there are photographs of him wearing the scarf and , of course , Elsa Schiaparelli wearing one too . Finding a Bishop scarf has been a constant goal of mine for some time now . After months of nothing , I somehow found TWO in one week . First , a red one popped up on ebay . Then , I found a gray one at this house that I was visiting . I had gotten an email at work from a man who was cleaning out an old home owned by two sisters . He said there was a lot of vintage clothing and the museum could come take its pick ( yeah , obviously I shouldn 't be complaining about my job because it is awesome ) . Sure enough , the house was full of treasures , and I found the scarf in one of the last piles I looked through . I also found some ostrich leather shoes , a bright green 1970s Oscar de la Renta evening gown , and a so - hideous - its - awesome 1990s corduroy ensemble from Eddie Bauer . On Tuesday I won the ebay auction ( I was the only one who bid ) and it arrived in the mail yesterday . The scarf from the house visit has to go straight to the museum , but ebay one is mine ! I 'm excited to wear it , but I 'm discovering that a big red scarf is kind of a hard thing to pull off . Here I 'm either a pirate or Rhoda from Mary Tyler Moore - We recently acquired one of the original driving consoles from the Seattle Monorail . It is a pretty cool artifact , which you can sort of see in this picture here . Basically it is an L - shaped metal thing with a bunch of dials and knobs and a chair . I was charged with cleaning it . My method of choice ? Q - tips and a jar of mild metal cleaner - - wielded while crouching on the floor and trying to keep my skirt in some sort of modest configuration over my legs . - Another new accession was a 1930s doll that was purchased from a Seattle toy store . As I started cataloging it I realized that I was going to have to put a number on every single piece of clothing she had , no matter how tiny . Hard objects ( plastic , metal , wood etc . ) usually get printed numbers that are adhered with a removable resin , and those numbers can be made quite small . Fabric usually gets numbers written out on twill tape and sewn in - - but the twill tape we use is pretty bulky . These clothes were so small and delicate I needed another solution . So I wrote numbers on Tyvek as small as I could and then sewed it down on one side . It turned out pretty well - Do you remember Black Bart ? Well , he is out of his crate and ready for action ! On Friday I had to hang out with him while the mount makers prepared his mechanized mount . Unlike other projects though , which are done in the privacy of our artifact staging room , this was happening in the center of the grand atrium . So as people came into work and donors passed by for tours , I was there authoritatively guarding a shirtless man in tight pants , lying flat on his back on a table . Then , when we lifted him up to test the mount , I noticed a bunch of scratches so I dutifully took a picture to document the issue : Today we had an all staff meeting where the main topic was GRAND OPENING which is now a mere MONTH away . We got multiple explanatory handouts , printed spreadsheets of daily assignments , and early reminders about taking breaks and eating so we don 't pass out . As stressful as it sounds I 'm looking forward to it . The only serious bad news was confirmation that the V . I . P . opening is cocktail attire rather than black tie as I was previously told . Ugh . Now I have to re - think my whole dressing concept for the night . We also got an update on press coverage , and it was announced that our director , creative director , and historian have been co - named on a Seattle Magazine list of the most influential people of 2012 . We all applauded but then the director cut in with " Well , actually we are just stand - ins representing the whole MOHAI team . So really it is the whole team that made the list - - that means you ! " Aw . Thanks Leonard . Now I can proudly say that it was implied that I was part of a group of people who made a list of the most influential Seattle people of 2012 . I don 't even know where to start with this . Very awkward guy with the substantial wavy hair in the middle row ? Pop - out - the - hip model poser on the upper right ? Those weird things around their necks ? Some comment about padded , pillowy thighs ? How nerdily dapper is this crew ? Can you read their sweaters ? Crescent was a local spice manufacturing company , and their most famous product was a maple flavor substitute called Mapleine . The team was called " The Mapleines " and they were the Commercial Bowling League Champions of 1922 - 1923 . I realize these are grown men who probably had very complex lives and personalities but all I have to say is ADORABLE . Posted by But second , for all my talk about how stressful things are at the museum right now , I don 't really feel riddled with anxiety on a constant basis . Not every day is stressful , and I 'm pretty good at unwinding in the evening . My roommate and I spend most nights enjoying the trashiest , most mindless shows that Hulu and Netflix have to offer . When I woke up from the bug dream I was sort of like , " Really , brain ? I give you RuPaul 's Drag Race and Say Yes to the Dress to work with , and you create a pest - based nightmare instead of some mash - up where drag queens go shopping for wedding dresses ? ! " Ok , back to your regularly scheduled blog programming . On Thursday we were reminded that we have 30 working days left before the Grand Opening , assuming we don 't start working weekends . That night I had a dream that I was working at the Armory and everything looked about as done as it is now : plastic and masonite protecting the floors , empty cases , and painters tape everywhere . I looked outside and saw that people were lining up already for the opening . I was about to send them away , but then someone explained to me that we were opening in 5 hours . I started to panic , but everyone else was shockingly calm and almost chastised me for being so irrational . " Well , " they shrugged , " We still have five hours , " as if that was somehow a generous amount of time . It isn 't all stress at MOHAI these days . On Wednesday my department pulled off a pretty awesome Halloween prank in which we all dressed up as one of the guys on the move crew . Bask in the sheer glee emanating from this photograph : Honoree " Hollywood Hair " Jeff is in the center , being a good sport about the fact that we bought ratty $ 10 wigs to represent his defining feature . Posted by One of the larger artifacts going on display at the new museum is a life - size mannequin of a famous Japanese court lady , which was a gift to Seattle from the city of Kyoto . Well , larger is a relative term because we also have an airplane and a few vehicles on display , but she is certainly bigger than a can of salmon or a glue pot . This week we had to take her out of her crate and lift her onto her mount , which required several steps and three people to help . She is made to look very realistic : glass eyes , eyelashes , real hair , and teeth visible through parted lips . One of the mount makers said they thought she was creepy , but I thought she wasn 't so bad as far as fake people go . But after a while we were all joking around and making fun of her and how much trouble she was giving us with the mount . When we lifted her for the last time I felt a tug at my neck and looked down to see my necklace caught in her fingers . No , not caught . The chain was being perfectly held in her porcelain hands exactly as if she had grabbed me . " She 's got my necklace ! " I yelped . The mount makers looked up and stared wide - eyed as I tried to carefully wrestle the chain from between her fingers . At about 10am on Wednesday , the facility manager at the Armory strode into the gallery where we were installing and informed us that the city had shut off our water for about two hours due to some construction on the street outside . Not they were about to shut off our water , they had . That meant no bathrooms for two hours effective immediately . As soon as he said it , you could sense everyone in the room doing a quick mental bladder assessment . Full ? Empty ? Suddenly full now that I 'm thinking about it ? " Well , there are Port - o - Potties in the park outside . " Those things ? The ones that spread a stink radius five feet deep and haven 't been cleaned since Spring ? I 'd rather we were next door to the Bates Motel . You know they have running water . The day dragged on . Everyone was grumpy and dehydrated , too afraid to drink anything lest the need become worse . Four hours later , still no water . At 3 : 00 I demanded an update . " Yeah , so it turns out they turned off the wrong pipe and they aren 't sure when it will be back on but probably by morning . " This was insanity . When I returned home that evening I was dizzy with excitement to be back in civilization . But was it really over ? Or would I be forever haunted by the horrors I had endured that day ? Posted by Putting my contacts in actually made it feel better , so I just carried on and assumed it would work itself out . On Monday it was still hurting , and my parents urged me to go to a doctor . It seemed weird to go to a doctor for something so whiny and small , and I still had to fill out all the same paperwork and answer all the usual doctor questions , most of which were about ladybusiness . I know there is good reason for it , but when the nurse asked when my last period was and I just wanted to be like I ' M PRETTY SURE MY EYE ISN ' T PREGNANT . I was totally fine with this plan since I had recently updated my prescription and gotten a nice , cool new pair of glasses . My old ones were cloudy in one eye ( don 't ask ) and the prescription was terrible , so I only wore them while getting in and out of bed . The new ones are thick - rimmed and distinctive , and I hesitated to start wearing them because the look would be a dramatic change . I needed to pick the right time , I thought , because I would get questions and comments about them all day . So I wore them to work on Tuesday . . . and not one single person commented . Not one . The next day I was at a different site with a different group of people so I tried the experiment again . I made it half the day with no comments , and eventually the grand total squeaked up to two . People who see me all the time didn 't say a word . I was sure it was going to be some kind of earthshaking change and I would have to calm everyone down and assure them that life would somehow go on as before . Instead , this only child was once again reminded that she is not the center of the universe , and not that many people are paying attention to what is going on in my face region . So who were the two prize winners of the " something is different about Clara " sweepstakes ? One was my friend Curt , who I am friends with outside of work and sees me all the time . The other was the museum 's attractive Austrian janitor Karl , who noticed right away and cooed " they look good on you " in his flirty , germanic accent . Oh Karl , stop . Well . . . that ugly collection just won him the season . I was thrilled to see him win , but I stand behind my previous comments . The collection was well made but it was overworked , weirdly styled , and minimally innovative . Many are saying that hippie Fabio deserved the win , and I 'm fine with that , but his didn 't excite me at all either . I wish I could take credit for this quip , but I read somewhere that Fabio 's clothes looked like they were for a woman who lives in New Mexico and buys a lot of Georgia O ' Keefe prints . Stacked up against the best collections of years past , there wasn 't anyone this year who deserved the win . The bottom line is that the designers were given a mere five weeks to put their collections together . In seasons past they have had four or five months . OF COURSE the entire output was lackluster . This week I faced a serious clothing conundrum : What to wear to a meeting at the corporate offices of Tommy Bahama ? I wanted to look professional , but I didn 't want to show up in my favorite " I mean business " dress and discover that the person I was meeting with was wearing a sarong and flip - flops . I found the issue so comical and intriguing that I posted it to facebook and even uploaded one of those narcissistic pictures in the mirror of what I eventually chose . The bottom line though was that I was really , really excited about this meeting . . . which made it all the more embarrassing when five minutes before I was about to leave I got an email saying they would have to reschedule . As I banged my head against my desk , one of the the people I work with said , " Well , I guess they have a casual approach to keeping appointments , too . " Ooooh ! BURN ON TOMMY BAHAMA . So what was I so stoked about ? Since when is " resort casual " my aesthetic ? Well , it isn 't . But I 've only recently found out that Tommy Bahama is a Seattle - founded and Seattle - based company , which means it is suddenly fascinating to me . I mean , it seems strange that Tommy Bahama is from Seattle , right ? Our region isn 't exactly known for its warm , beachy climate . In fact , there is only one Tommy Bahama store in the city of Seattle , and it opened around a decade after the company was founded . So what gives ? Well , there is a much bigger story about the jeans and casual wear industry in Seattle . It started with Brittania in the 1970s and then Generra and Union Bay in the 1980s . Brittania is credited with being one of the first to market faded denim in the US , and all three were innovators in teen wear . The companies took advantage of the port and Seattle 's proximity to Asia , and they were some of the first to have designers stateside and production overseas . That particular innovation would eventually be devastating to the US garment industry , so while it is difficult to applaud , it is also impossible to deny that it was an important and influential business model . These days , almost all of our clothes are made overseas . Brittania and Generra have since fizzled , but Union Bay is still kicking and has its headquarters in a building on Lake Union . There are also several companies that have been started by former employees of the big three . Tommy Bahama has three cofounders : two of which had started at Brittania and then were major players at Generra , and one who was the former vice - president of Union Bay . The jeans industry and the companies that grew out of it is something I 'd like to know more about , and I 'd like to see that story represented in the MOHAI collection . Of course , recently - made casual wear is never what someone thinks to donate to a history museum . I think most people would be shocked to hear that I roll my eyes when I get an offer for yet ANOTHER 1880s wedding dress , but would jump for joy over some 1980s Seattle branded jeans . Scratch that . Not jump for joy . I would do one of those dance moves from the Hypercolor commercial . Running man with extra side - order of flailing arms . This week I celebrated the anniversary of my return to Seattle . One year ago I arrived by train from New York and started my fantastic job at MOHAI . I still miss many things about NYC , but overall being in Seattle has been wonderful and I still feel blessed to be here doing what I 'm doing . In recognition of my happy , celebratory feelings , it was appropriate that on Friday I got to sing Beethoven 's 9th symphony at Benaroya Hall . This summer I auditioned for the Seattle Choral Company , but had second thoughts about joining when the audition alone was way more intense than I expected ( to give you an idea : I scored a zero on the French portion of the language exam ) . Instead , I decided to join their " festival chorus , " a group of singers they call upon occasionally for larger choral works that require a bigger sound . This year , they needed extras for the choral finale of Beethoven 's 9th . I 've never sung it , but my German is ausgezeichnet compared to my French , and I already knew the basic tune . You probably do too . I 've listened to the full 9th Symphony before , but that was pretty much how I pictured it . Lots of fun German words , a big cheering crowd , and John Lennon on the harmonica . Well , I was in for a shock . Sure , the chorus gets several refrains of the " Ode to Joy " but there are a lot of other parts too , and for most of it the sopranos are at the top of our range , trying to belt out text and high As at the same time . Flip to about the 8 : 30 mark in the video below and you 'll have an idea of how ridiculous it gets by the end : On the night of the concert , our director told us to " leave nothing on the table . " The choral part comprises about 15 minutes of singing and it 's over . Our rehearsals lasted for 2 hours and thirty minutes each , and so learning the piece felt like a marathon . But in performance it was more like a sprint , and so he was telling us to push toward the end and have nothing left after the last measure . It was stirring advice , and in performance the piece finally felt like the joyful thrill it was intended to be . Yesterday I did something I 've never done before : I went to a high school football game . My roommate ( a teacher ) invited me , and I was strangely intrigued by the prospect . My high school didn 't have a football team , so everything I knew about the experience was from TV and movies . Admittedly , the Seattle HS football scene isn 't exactly like small - town Texas ( probably ' cause , you know , there are other things to do here on a Friday night ) but it was pretty fascinating nonetheless . There were cheerleaders , a marching band , and the team even charged through a big piece of paper when they came out after halftime . I was watching the Franklin Quakers , so the only thing missing was some sort of terrifying Ben Franklin mascot . Near the end of the third quarter , the cheerleaders started this cheer that everyone seemed really excited about . They chanted something , and then said " let me see your alligator ! " and everyone did snapping jaw motion with their arms . Next they said " let me see your dougie " and then some little dance move thing happened . And last they said " let me see your QUAKER FACE " and then time stood still as my brain was like " What is happening right now ? What is Quaker Face ? What could it possibly be ? ? " All my Quaker friends from Earlham materialized in an apparition before me as I threw up my hands in confusion . Then time started again . It turned out to be some sort of motion with hands on the side of the face . WHAT DOES IT MEAN , CHEERLEADERS ? WHAT DOES IT MEAN ? ? Girl . No . This week I bought an awesome vintage dress that I had tried on a few days earlier and came back for because I couldn 't stop thinking about it . Seriously , this dress is going to blow everyone 's minds when I wear it . Get ready . Anyway , while I had it on , the woman at the store was , of course , trying to convince me to buy it . That 's what salespeople do . At one point she pointed to the beading and said , " This is very nice workmanship . It is definitely couture . " I was like : Yeah , you saw it coming . I still want to talk about Dmitry . The problem is , I usually watch Project Runway either Friday night or Saturday morning , so when I blog on Saturday , it is all I can think about . Remember when I was excited for him to serve up sequins for the Rockette challenge ? Well , it was awesome . First of all , we got treated to hearing him say " Rahkyette " about 10 times , and then he started snarking to the camera about how boring another designer 's dress was . He actually said this : Hilarious . I 'm going to make that a daily affirmation . This week they had a sort of dumb challenge to design baby clothes , and as part of it they gave them all baby dolls that cried constantly . They even made them take them home to their apartments that night . In the morning , they showed the babies all screaming , and the bleary - eyed designers scrambling to calm them . Dmitry was glaring at his baby over his pillow , and then said to the camera : The fact is , there is no one move . Soon after I started , we moved artifacts out of an old storage location and into a new one . This summer , staff started moving to our new Georgetown facility . The first wave of artifacts soon followed , and are still arriving in batches . Of course artifacts have also been moving to our new building in South Lake Union , and the rest of the staff will move there in about a month . And yesterday , I moved . At " old " MOHAI in Montlake , I had my own little office , complete with dim lighting and loud elevator noises . Here is how it looked just before the movers arrived : First off : LIGHT . I brought my whole arsenal of lamps with me from my old office and now they are just lined up helplessly in the corner . Second : WINDOWS . Yeah , ok they aren 't to the outside , but no collections person expects that . I have a great view of the hallway and collections storage , and that is a heck of a lot more cheerful than a cinder - block wall . Third : HUMAN INTERACTION . There aren 't people visible in the photo , but there are lots around . The rest of my department moved to the new space months ago , and I 've been spending a lot of quiet days alone in my old office . I 'm looking forward to feeling more connected and not worrying that if I fall asleep at my desk I might get forgotten and locked inside the building . Here , if I fall asleep at my desk , everyone will see and make fun of me ( the windows help with that ) . Four : NO MORE ELEVATOR NOISES When the new MOHAI opens in December , our first temporary exhibition will be about movie theaters and filmmaking in Seattle . For the show , we are borrowing costumes from a local company that dressed a number of recent films that used Seattle as a location . The only problem is that most recent films set in Seattle actually use Vancouver for filming ( something about taxes ) , and so actual films made in Seattle tend to be sort of obscure and little known . So , to get you all hyped up about the costumes I 'm dressing for Celluloid Seattle , your assignment is to become obsessed with the following movies : This was a 2002 made - for - TV movie which ended up being forgettable for everyone except those involved in Seattle - area historical societies . The story about a haunted Seattle mansion was totally fabricated , but the marketing campaign tried to get people thinking it was a true story - - much like the Blair Witch Project had done a few years earlier . They set up a fake University website and had a faux documentary about the history of this non - existent building . The result was that lots of people were fooled and started contacting places like MOHAI try to find out more . When told it was just made up , some became angry and assumed that we were either misinformed or part of the cover - up . Historylink has a pretty hilarious run - down of all the inquiries it received , which includes comments like " If the story of Ellen Rimbauer is not true then where did the photos come from ? " and " The unaccounted for bodies of those who visited the mansion should be proof enough . . . who are you to depict which are true and which are false ? " Also looks kind of fun , right ? It was filmed partially in West Seattle and in nearby Bavarian - themed town Leavenworth . At about 40 seconds in you get a great view of Elliott Gould 's grandpa costume which we have for the exhibit . Hardly haute couture , but the printed shirt is Tommy Bahama which is a local brand . I think it 's a nice touch . With this movie and Grassroots , it 's a reminder that most costume designers don 't spend their time churning out Elizabethan gowns . Generally they work with ready - made pieces , and have to put outfits together that match the life and personality of each character . If you make the wrong choice with a period piece , only nerds like me will notice . But if you dress a contemporary movie , you have to tap into people 's present understanding of what certain styles and colors mean . If you put a dark toned , structured blazer on a retired Floridian , everyone is going to feel that it looks wrong . The movie was made in 2011 and was shown at the Seattle International Film Festival , but I think it has yet to have a general theatrical release . It might be coming soon to a theater near you ! Thanks for all your kind words about the various traumas I endured last week . I 'm doing better . The work thing will probably haunt me for a long time , but the actual event is over so at least I can sleep at night . Love continues to be dead , but a reasonable facsimile is still available in the form of Jane Austen novels . That would be a childhood photo of Dmitry , dressed up in what appears to be a drum major uniform with extra rickrack . As part of a challenge about personal and cultural heritage , the designers were surprised by visits from loved ones and shown photos from their past . Dmitry started crying when his friend Irina played him a video of his father in Belarus , offering words of encouragement . It was a heart - melting moment . Look ! He already has an affinity for blonde ladies ! ( For the record I 'm aware that Dmitry is probably gay . Not to make blanket judgments about opposite - sex friendships , but the presence of a lifelong , female best friend is a possibly an indicator . His low V - neck t - shirts are another . But who cares ? He also probably doesn 't live in a Dracula castle either . ) THEN not only did Dreamy Dmitry go on to win the challenge , but we found out that next week they were going to be dressing the Rockettes . At first I was worried for him , but then another blog pointed out that Dmitry " Strictly Ballroom " Sholokov might have this one in the bag . Oh yeah . He used to be a ballroom dancer and probably learned to sew by making his own costumes . I bet he practically grew up in stretch polyester . Contemplating this , Olivia and I proceeded to have the following offensive conversation : If you know me , you know I love Project Runway . I own the first five seasons on DVD and used to clear my schedule whenever it was on . But the move to Lifetime has been rough , and I thought a low point had been reached when Gretchen won instead of Mondo in Season 8 . But the real low point was when I just stopped watching Season 9 because I realized I was dreading each episode and I felt actively anxious and unhappy while watching . I made it through All - Stars but it felt like a chore . So I was pretty sure I was going to watch little , if any , of Season 10 . But Olivia and I ended up watching a few and got hooked , mainly because we fell in love with Dmitry Sholokov , the hilarious , ballroom dancing Belarusian who looks like younger , hotter incarnation of Professer Snape . His thick - accented quips have single - handedly brought the joy of Project Runway back into my life . So far , he has made some great dresses but hasn 't won a challenge . I was hoping his " always the bridesmaid never the bride " story would be similar to that of Jay McCarroll , who uttered that line just before producing one of the best finale collections to date and winning Season 1 . But this week the remaining designers showed at fashion week and Dmitry 's was . . . kinda bad . Which means he won 't win . Then again none of the collections were particularly exciting , so once again , a season of Project Runway is destined to collapse into one giant letdown . 2 . Love Is Dead I probably shouldn 't be dreaming of moving to Eastern Europe so I can live in a castle and have pale babies with Dmitry because the news came this week that love is dead and we should all give up . If you have been wondering why people are sobbing openly in the streets or why pints of Ben & Jerry 's are sold out at your local grocery store , you must not have heard that all - time awesome couple Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are breaking up . Every time I chuckled with schadenfreude over some overexposed celebrity couple going bust , I wondered if I was just hard - hearted toward love and if I would ever be upset to hear about the break up of two people I don 't know . And for years the answer was obvious : Amy and Will . Besides both being two of the funniest people I can think of , they seemed like they really had a loving , respectful , fun , equal marriage . So if they can 't make it work , it means that love must be broken and that we should all just crawl into bed with a box of doughnuts and commence eating our feelings . 1 . Ugh This week something very , very frustrating happened at work and it appears that there is nothing I can do about it . Since this is a public blog , I can 't tell you about it , but I can tell you that my level of sheer rage on the subject has had me listening to Mozart 's Queen of the Night aria on repeat for cathartic comfort . If you 're not familiar , here is a clip . Yep . That is pretty much how I feel . On Monday at the new museum , I had the exciting task of monitoring the moving crew while they worked with some of our larger artifacts . Basically that meant I was supposed to watch them with a steely , judgmental stare that says " under normal circumstances I would rip your head off for touching an artifact like that , but that thing weighs 1400 pounds so I suppose I need your help to move it . " The project included taking the wheels off of a cart and reassembling it in a gallery , and moving our famous racist fish - gutting machine into place . After watching for a little while , I realized I was actually having fun witnessing the whole process . It was just so different than my normal workday . I work mostly with women , and manual tasks are completed slowly and methodically . Fabrics get vacuumed with brush attachments that aren 't much bigger than a quarter , and an entire canoe can get cleaned with a q - tip . But here was this pack of tough guys hammering axels into place , bracing things with giant pieces of wood , and using exciting tools like " winches " and " bottle jacks . " For both projects they had ingenious , well thought - out plans for how to move the objects carefully and methodically , but there were still a few moments where the best option was " hand me the hammer , " or " let 's just see what happens if we push it really hard . " That would be the mannequin that I made the aforementioned beefy arms for . How would you feel if you turned on the light in your office one morning and saw that ? Eventually , he will have hair and hands , and will be wearing a hat , vest , tuxedo jacket , pants , and shoes . But right now he looks like some sort of pants - less , nubby - handed Frankenstein monster . This then brought to mind my other favorite creep - tastic collections photo : This is Black Bart , a quick - draw cowboy arcade game from the 1962 World 's Fair . Here we see him back from the conservator ( where he got some face - work ) and tucked into his packing crate . His shirt was removed so it could be replaced with a prop shirt . About two months ago I got an email that the local PBS station was looking for people to volunteer for Antiques Roadshow . The deal was you had to be willing to show up at 6 : 30 am on a Saturday , and then work on your feet for a twelve hour day . In payment you would get a free Antiques Roadshow polo shirt , two meals , and two appraisals by the experts . I thought , " You had me at free Antiques Roadshow polo shirt . " ( Just as a warning - this is a long post . If you have always wanted to know the inner working of Antiques Roadshow , this is your lucky day . If you barely care , skip to the last paragraph for the # 1 best part of the story . ) We had training on the Friday before and got our jobs assigned . Some assignments seemed uninteresting , but also low pressure ( standing at the front door and greeting people ) and others seemed exciting and high pressure ( working with the camera crew but wearing a headset and running around all day ) . In the end , I played my cards exactly right and found the perfect job : working on the set , directing people into the line for the Rugs and Textile appraisals . Most of the day consisted of managing a line of people . Basically the Antiques Roadshow set is one big circle , with tables of appraisers along the interior perimeter . In the center of the circle is the filming crew and the areas for the on - camera appraisals . The appraisers are divided into categories ( pottery , furniture , Asian art , prints ) , and there is supposed to be a short line in front of every table . When you watch the show , you see lots of people milling around in the background : these are people lined up for appraisals and the volunteers trying to jostle them into the right position . On the outside of the big circle are much , much longer lines for each category . My job was to walk people from the longer hidden line , into the shorter on - set line , and to keep people from sneaking directly into the shorter line . Going to the Antiques Roadshow means lots and lots of waiting ( 6 , 000 people came through with two items each ) , so the main thing that was stressful was dealing with grumpy people in the longer line . By the time they saw me , most had been waiting in different kinds of lines for several hours . But after a few seemingly - tense situations , I discovered that the biggest grumps transformed into cheerful , wide - eyed folk as soon as I led them on set . Speaking of waiting , I realized that if you were excited about the possibility of getting an on - camera appraisal , you should be careful what you wish for . If an appraiser thought you had a TV - worthy story they would call a volunteer like me over , I would go to the volunteer in my section with a headset , and he would send in a request for a producer to come to the table . The owner of the object was sent away to wait , and when the producer came over the appraiser pitched the story to them and they decided if it is camera - worthy . Getting on television is also the goal of the appraisers because it means exposure for them and their business . So at any given time , there are a number of appraisers wanting to speak to the producer . At one point , there were people with objects waiting an hour and a half just to have the producer come over and decide if they were going to get filmed . IF they were picked for filming ( sometimes they weren 't ) they would go into the green room to get makeup and wait to be called onto set . That wait could also stretch into an hour plus . One thing that really surprised me was how much time the appraisers at my table spent with each person . I had three experts : Connie and Steven who specialized mostly in vintage clothing and accessories , and Jim the carpet guy . All of them spent at least five minutes , and sometimes what seemed like as much as 15 or 20 with each person . It made the line move excruciatingly slow , but I don 't think anyone walked way unhappy from the table . Never once did someone get a " Meh . $ 10 . NEXT ! " appraisal . No matter the value , each item got the appraiser 's full attention and they told the person as much as they could . When it was time for my own appraisals , I found out that not every table worked that way . The line for textiles was long , but some of the lines , like painting , were INSANE and so the appraisers had to work very quickly . I brought in two pottery pieces that my parents owned that we had reason to believe were somewhat interesting and possibly valuable . I saw a different appraiser for each one , but I felt like both pieces were dealt with hastily and dismissed as unimportant . I was told one was " the type of thing you see a lot at garage sales " and the other was " only $ 300 to $ 500 . " I walked away defeated , but later realized that they could have told me all the same information in a better way and I would have felt a lot better . $ 300 to $ 500 for a tiny tea bowl that my Dad got for free ? ? Hot dog ! The day ended up being longer than planned . At our 6 : 30 release time there were still some substantial lines , so we all just kept going . Finally at 8 , when most of the lines were done or at least down to the people inside the set , they told us to go home ( the appraisers apparently stayed until the last appraisal was done ) . I was exhausted , but it was an awesome , fascinating , totally worth - it day . They said they would make Seattle into three episodes , airing sometime in early 2013 . I think there is a good chance that the back of my head will be in a shot somewhere ! Ok , but I saved the best story for last . In the middle of the day , the appraiser I had connected with in the morning called me over by name ( to be fair , I had a giant name tag on ) to come look at something . In front of me was a woman with several hats . " What can you tell us about John Eaton ? " he asked . I couldn 't believe it ! As a museum person I couldn 't say anything about value ( I didn 't really know anyway ) but I talked about his store , his career as a milliner , and his legacy as a teacher . I even slipped in something about Gigi and Voulez - Vous . I shared my knowledge with this nationally recognized appraiser and got to tell the owner of the hats something interesting that she didn 't know . Totally worth waking up at 5 : 30 am and standing around for 13 hours ! Last weekend I went to Vancouver ! I rolled into town via my favorite transportation method ( train ) and was shown around by my awesome friend Danielle . Highlights included taking advantage of the nearly equal exchange rate to buy things I didn 't need , visiting the Asian " night market " where we ate fried bananas and visited a booth that was selling bouquets made of stuffed animal heads , and watching Canadian coverage of the Olympics . We also saw an outdoor movie showing of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom which I had never seen before . It was . . . sort of bad . I thought the three other than Crystal Skull were the good ones but it was pretty racist and had a terrible love interest who squealed " I broke a nail " at least twice . Can I get some validation here ? Am I speaking Indiana Jones blasphemy ? It was called " Art Deco Chic " and was about clothing in the 1920s and 1930s . Besides the fantastic dresses , what really excited me about it was that the exhibition was within reach of what could be done at MOHAI . It was beautiful and engaging , but it wasn 't on the level of the MET or the Museum at FIT where all the mannequins match and each room has some elaborate set . This was an impressive show at a local history museum . The mannequins were really interesting because they didn 't all match . They were clearly cobbled together from a few different sources and the curators had to do a lot of work trying to put the right dress with the right form . " Don 't lose your heads over it ! Ha Ha ! " [ elbow jab ] Mostly , it worked . I can 't remember any being particularly creepy or strange . Oh wait , now I remember . Aunt Mavis there on the right seemed like she had wandered into the wrong show . I left brimming with ideas and dreaming of the day when I would get to put on my own fashion exhibition . And wondering if I would ever be fabulous enough to pull off a hoodie dress . Posted by It all started innocently enough . One of my coworkers in the library was processing a new collection and came across a reference to a designer named John Eaton . Since no one seemed to know anything we started searching . First someone found an ebay listing for a photo of him . Then I found an article in the Seattle Times historical database . Before long , we knew the following things : 1 ) While he did design clothes his specialty was hats . He had a shop across the street from Frederick & Nelson called " John Eaton , Of Course ! " and later in life he taught millinery classes in Seattle . 2 ) In the 1960s he was living with his " business partner " James Neher and two poodles named Gigi and Voulez - vous . Now , I don 't want to jump to conclusions about men who live with other men and own poodles , but I think the implication there is pretty clear . The more I looked , the more there was to love . First of all , it looks like he was pretty much the biggest deal in hats the city has ever had . His shop was one thing , but his major legacy was his teaching . I saw one quote that claimed all milliners currently working in Seattle either learned directly from him or from one of his students . Second , it turns out that my hunch about him being gay wasn 't just an educated guess . In the 1980s the Seattle Times did a feature about gay couples in Seattle and " Jim and John " were included as a happy couple that had been together 33 years . When faced with snide remarks , James said " we chose to ignore it and act like gentlemen . " I can 't wait to find out more about Eaton and let more people know about his awesomeness . Tragically for you , if you are interested in those ebay listings for the photos you see in this post , too bad . I already snapped them up . I also bought a hat of his on etsy . Hmm . I just got a vision of myself on an upcoming episode of hoarders . My apartment will be filled to the gills with old Nordstrom ads , packages of vintage John Doyle Bishop hosiery , and Bon Marche shopping bags , and the therapist will pull something out of the rubble and say " Now , do you really need this photograph of a man and two poodles ? Is he even related to you ? I 'm going to throw this away , " and I 'll be like " Noooo ! I 'm saving it for HISTORY . " This week , as I expectantly searched through a photo album for insect carcasses , it occurred to me that you couldn 't really be a good museum collections person if you had a crippling fear of bugs . Artifact collections shouldn 't have bugs or vermin of any kind , but part of the process of keeping that way requires an obsessive interest in bugs and evidence of bugs . We put down sticky traps , check exhibit cases for frass ( bug poop ) , and if we actually find a bug our first instinct is to put it in a bag . I once looked down to see a small bug crawling on my hand , and my response was to walk calmly over to the collections manager 's desk , show her , and ask for an insect bag . Once bagged , we looked through her chart of harmful artifact - eating insects and tried to identify it . Bugs are also a big reason I 've been doing so much vacuuming . As a precaution , we 've decided every textile - based object coming off exhibit will get vacuumed , deep frozen , and vacuumed again . The freezing kills insects , and the vacuuming removes dead bugs , eggs , and dust that might be tasty to insects in the future . I haven 't found any bug evidence on objects for a while , and so sometimes I wonder if all this extra vacuuming is really necessary . But last week I found some bug bits on a fabric - covered photo album , and it was actually sort of exciting and validating . With relish I paged through the album looking for carcasses , and with each one I removed , I felt like I was creating order in a chaotic world . I may not be able to fix global poverty , but I can fix this .
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In one week it will be Grand Opening Weekend at MOHAI . In two weeks I 'll be in New Orleans for a history conference . I 'm gonna be busy , so chances are the blog will be quiet for a while . But before I send you off into the new year , here are some tidbits to tide you over : - The Miss Universe pageant happened , which means its annual parade of bizarre national costumes also happened . I would put together a commentary for you , but it would be hard to top the one available on Tom and Lorenzo . You can read the three parts here , here , and here . - On Thursday we had an all - staff training for grand opening ( aka : " Grand Opening " as it is written in all our internal emails , or " GRAND OPENING " when it is spoken ) . I found out that I am a " lead " in my section and will be issued a headset for which have to memorize a list of rules and information about what channel to be on for different kinds of conversations . I 'm kind of stressed about it , so a few of my co - workers have offered to radio me constantly with fake code words and crises to fix . - On Friday we unpacked a large box of textiles , all of which have to be frozen and vacuumed before being put away . As I checked off their accession numbers I turned to one of my co - workers and said " is it weird that I 'm kind of excited to vacuum all this stuff ? " She said , " For you ? No . " As Grand Opening for the new MOHAI approaches , I 'm realizing that there are no longer " normal " work days . It used to be that when I worked at the new building , I had a quiet desk in a room with the artifacts . But now that room has been re - claimed as the temporary exhibits space , and I spent two days last week camped out in one of the galleries . All day , I listened to a short video about the Great Depression which was on a constant loop . For a break , I went over to the 1990s grunge section where the mount makers were working on a guitar mount . The video for that gallery wasn 't ready yet so it was . . . also playing the Great Depression video for some reason . I now know all the words to the 1930s classic , " Brother , Can You Spare a Dime ? " Today , I helped transport some artifacts to the set of a local TV show . I didn 't appear on TV myself , but did get a first - hand look at the thrilling world of local morning programming . My favorite segment before ours was " One outfit three ways " which was earth - shattering information on wearing a dress with different things to make it look different . The clip is sort of long , but I find much of it deeply comical . Why ? During the segment , the Executive Director of the museum turns to me backstage and says " Sears ? Kardashian collection ? Hot pink blazer ? Sounds like a bad idea to me . " Bless you , Leonard . Ok , so here is the MOHAI clip . The best part here is that the curator ( who is a local expert but not on the museum staff ) actually made use of the gloves I laid out for him and commented to the camera that he was following protocol because they were artifacts . He only managed to get one on though , and so just sort of holds the other one in a loose dangle for the rest of the segment . Posted by This was sort of an exhausting week at work . I mean , my job is never that rough because I don 't work as a miner or a greeter at Walmart - - but I did spend three days watching a team of people attempt to move a 2 , 000 pound piece of wood . It alternated between being boring and stressful . Boring : We 're going to spend these four hours just adding more straps to it . Stressful : Was that section of bark always like that ? Did it shift ? Are we putting too much pressure on it ? Too many straps ? Boring : Boy , those bolts sure do take a long time to remove ! Stressful : IT ' S STARTING TO ROLL ! LOWER THE FORKLIFT ! GET OUT OF THE WAY ! ( everything was fine , but we did all have a pretty serious 5 second adrenaline rush ) . First of all , it is awesome because it is something he designed , and is a reference to his childhood growing up on a chicken farm in Idaho . This re - interpretation of a not particularly glamorous part of his history was a move that my thesis advisor called " a very Chanel thing to do " . It is also cool because there are photographs of him wearing the scarf and , of course , Elsa Schiaparelli wearing one too . Finding a Bishop scarf has been a constant goal of mine for some time now . After months of nothing , I somehow found TWO in one week . First , a red one popped up on ebay . Then , I found a gray one at this house that I was visiting . I had gotten an email at work from a man who was cleaning out an old home owned by two sisters . He said there was a lot of vintage clothing and the museum could come take its pick ( yeah , obviously I shouldn 't be complaining about my job because it is awesome ) . Sure enough , the house was full of treasures , and I found the scarf in one of the last piles I looked through . I also found some ostrich leather shoes , a bright green 1970s Oscar de la Renta evening gown , and a so - hideous - its - awesome 1990s corduroy ensemble from Eddie Bauer . On Tuesday I won the ebay auction ( I was the only one who bid ) and it arrived in the mail yesterday . The scarf from the house visit has to go straight to the museum , but ebay one is mine ! I 'm excited to wear it , but I 'm discovering that a big red scarf is kind of a hard thing to pull off . Here I 'm either a pirate or Rhoda from Mary Tyler Moore - We recently acquired one of the original driving consoles from the Seattle Monorail . It is a pretty cool artifact , which you can sort of see in this picture here . Basically it is an L - shaped metal thing with a bunch of dials and knobs and a chair . I was charged with cleaning it . My method of choice ? Q - tips and a jar of mild metal cleaner - - wielded while crouching on the floor and trying to keep my skirt in some sort of modest configuration over my legs . - Another new accession was a 1930s doll that was purchased from a Seattle toy store . As I started cataloging it I realized that I was going to have to put a number on every single piece of clothing she had , no matter how tiny . Hard objects ( plastic , metal , wood etc . ) usually get printed numbers that are adhered with a removable resin , and those numbers can be made quite small . Fabric usually gets numbers written out on twill tape and sewn in - - but the twill tape we use is pretty bulky . These clothes were so small and delicate I needed another solution . So I wrote numbers on Tyvek as small as I could and then sewed it down on one side . It turned out pretty well - Do you remember Black Bart ? Well , he is out of his crate and ready for action ! On Friday I had to hang out with him while the mount makers prepared his mechanized mount . Unlike other projects though , which are done in the privacy of our artifact staging room , this was happening in the center of the grand atrium . So as people came into work and donors passed by for tours , I was there authoritatively guarding a shirtless man in tight pants , lying flat on his back on a table . Then , when we lifted him up to test the mount , I noticed a bunch of scratches so I dutifully took a picture to document the issue : Today we had an all staff meeting where the main topic was GRAND OPENING which is now a mere MONTH away . We got multiple explanatory handouts , printed spreadsheets of daily assignments , and early reminders about taking breaks and eating so we don 't pass out . As stressful as it sounds I 'm looking forward to it . The only serious bad news was confirmation that the V . I . P . opening is cocktail attire rather than black tie as I was previously told . Ugh . Now I have to re - think my whole dressing concept for the night . We also got an update on press coverage , and it was announced that our director , creative director , and historian have been co - named on a Seattle Magazine list of the most influential people of 2012 . We all applauded but then the director cut in with " Well , actually we are just stand - ins representing the whole MOHAI team . So really it is the whole team that made the list - - that means you ! " Aw . Thanks Leonard . Now I can proudly say that it was implied that I was part of a group of people who made a list of the most influential Seattle people of 2012 . I don 't even know where to start with this . Very awkward guy with the substantial wavy hair in the middle row ? Pop - out - the - hip model poser on the upper right ? Those weird things around their necks ? Some comment about padded , pillowy thighs ? How nerdily dapper is this crew ? Can you read their sweaters ? Crescent was a local spice manufacturing company , and their most famous product was a maple flavor substitute called Mapleine . The team was called " The Mapleines " and they were the Commercial Bowling League Champions of 1922 - 1923 . I realize these are grown men who probably had very complex lives and personalities but all I have to say is ADORABLE . Posted by But second , for all my talk about how stressful things are at the museum right now , I don 't really feel riddled with anxiety on a constant basis . Not every day is stressful , and I 'm pretty good at unwinding in the evening . My roommate and I spend most nights enjoying the trashiest , most mindless shows that Hulu and Netflix have to offer . When I woke up from the bug dream I was sort of like , " Really , brain ? I give you RuPaul 's Drag Race and Say Yes to the Dress to work with , and you create a pest - based nightmare instead of some mash - up where drag queens go shopping for wedding dresses ? ! " Ok , back to your regularly scheduled blog programming . On Thursday we were reminded that we have 30 working days left before the Grand Opening , assuming we don 't start working weekends . That night I had a dream that I was working at the Armory and everything looked about as done as it is now : plastic and masonite protecting the floors , empty cases , and painters tape everywhere . I looked outside and saw that people were lining up already for the opening . I was about to send them away , but then someone explained to me that we were opening in 5 hours . I started to panic , but everyone else was shockingly calm and almost chastised me for being so irrational . " Well , " they shrugged , " We still have five hours , " as if that was somehow a generous amount of time . It isn 't all stress at MOHAI these days . On Wednesday my department pulled off a pretty awesome Halloween prank in which we all dressed up as one of the guys on the move crew . Bask in the sheer glee emanating from this photograph : Honoree " Hollywood Hair " Jeff is in the center , being a good sport about the fact that we bought ratty $ 10 wigs to represent his defining feature . Posted by One of the larger artifacts going on display at the new museum is a life - size mannequin of a famous Japanese court lady , which was a gift to Seattle from the city of Kyoto . Well , larger is a relative term because we also have an airplane and a few vehicles on display , but she is certainly bigger than a can of salmon or a glue pot . This week we had to take her out of her crate and lift her onto her mount , which required several steps and three people to help . She is made to look very realistic : glass eyes , eyelashes , real hair , and teeth visible through parted lips . One of the mount makers said they thought she was creepy , but I thought she wasn 't so bad as far as fake people go . But after a while we were all joking around and making fun of her and how much trouble she was giving us with the mount . When we lifted her for the last time I felt a tug at my neck and looked down to see my necklace caught in her fingers . No , not caught . The chain was being perfectly held in her porcelain hands exactly as if she had grabbed me . " She 's got my necklace ! " I yelped . The mount makers looked up and stared wide - eyed as I tried to carefully wrestle the chain from between her fingers . At about 10am on Wednesday , the facility manager at the Armory strode into the gallery where we were installing and informed us that the city had shut off our water for about two hours due to some construction on the street outside . Not they were about to shut off our water , they had . That meant no bathrooms for two hours effective immediately . As soon as he said it , you could sense everyone in the room doing a quick mental bladder assessment . Full ? Empty ? Suddenly full now that I 'm thinking about it ? " Well , there are Port - o - Potties in the park outside . " Those things ? The ones that spread a stink radius five feet deep and haven 't been cleaned since Spring ? I 'd rather we were next door to the Bates Motel . You know they have running water . The day dragged on . Everyone was grumpy and dehydrated , too afraid to drink anything lest the need become worse . Four hours later , still no water . At 3 : 00 I demanded an update . " Yeah , so it turns out they turned off the wrong pipe and they aren 't sure when it will be back on but probably by morning . " This was insanity . When I returned home that evening I was dizzy with excitement to be back in civilization . But was it really over ? Or would I be forever haunted by the horrors I had endured that day ? Posted by Putting my contacts in actually made it feel better , so I just carried on and assumed it would work itself out . On Monday it was still hurting , and my parents urged me to go to a doctor . It seemed weird to go to a doctor for something so whiny and small , and I still had to fill out all the same paperwork and answer all the usual doctor questions , most of which were about ladybusiness . I know there is good reason for it , but when the nurse asked when my last period was and I just wanted to be like I ' M PRETTY SURE MY EYE ISN ' T PREGNANT . I was totally fine with this plan since I had recently updated my prescription and gotten a nice , cool new pair of glasses . My old ones were cloudy in one eye ( don 't ask ) and the prescription was terrible , so I only wore them while getting in and out of bed . The new ones are thick - rimmed and distinctive , and I hesitated to start wearing them because the look would be a dramatic change . I needed to pick the right time , I thought , because I would get questions and comments about them all day . So I wore them to work on Tuesday . . . and not one single person commented . Not one . The next day I was at a different site with a different group of people so I tried the experiment again . I made it half the day with no comments , and eventually the grand total squeaked up to two . People who see me all the time didn 't say a word . I was sure it was going to be some kind of earthshaking change and I would have to calm everyone down and assure them that life would somehow go on as before . Instead , this only child was once again reminded that she is not the center of the universe , and not that many people are paying attention to what is going on in my face region . So who were the two prize winners of the " something is different about Clara " sweepstakes ? One was my friend Curt , who I am friends with outside of work and sees me all the time . The other was the museum 's attractive Austrian janitor Karl , who noticed right away and cooed " they look good on you " in his flirty , germanic accent . Oh Karl , stop . Well . . . that ugly collection just won him the season . I was thrilled to see him win , but I stand behind my previous comments . The collection was well made but it was overworked , weirdly styled , and minimally innovative . Many are saying that hippie Fabio deserved the win , and I 'm fine with that , but his didn 't excite me at all either . I wish I could take credit for this quip , but I read somewhere that Fabio 's clothes looked like they were for a woman who lives in New Mexico and buys a lot of Georgia O ' Keefe prints . Stacked up against the best collections of years past , there wasn 't anyone this year who deserved the win . The bottom line is that the designers were given a mere five weeks to put their collections together . In seasons past they have had four or five months . OF COURSE the entire output was lackluster . This week I faced a serious clothing conundrum : What to wear to a meeting at the corporate offices of Tommy Bahama ? I wanted to look professional , but I didn 't want to show up in my favorite " I mean business " dress and discover that the person I was meeting with was wearing a sarong and flip - flops . I found the issue so comical and intriguing that I posted it to facebook and even uploaded one of those narcissistic pictures in the mirror of what I eventually chose . The bottom line though was that I was really , really excited about this meeting . . . which made it all the more embarrassing when five minutes before I was about to leave I got an email saying they would have to reschedule . As I banged my head against my desk , one of the the people I work with said , " Well , I guess they have a casual approach to keeping appointments , too . " Ooooh ! BURN ON TOMMY BAHAMA . So what was I so stoked about ? Since when is " resort casual " my aesthetic ? Well , it isn 't . But I 've only recently found out that Tommy Bahama is a Seattle - founded and Seattle - based company , which means it is suddenly fascinating to me . I mean , it seems strange that Tommy Bahama is from Seattle , right ? Our region isn 't exactly known for its warm , beachy climate . In fact , there is only one Tommy Bahama store in the city of Seattle , and it opened around a decade after the company was founded . So what gives ? Well , there is a much bigger story about the jeans and casual wear industry in Seattle . It started with Brittania in the 1970s and then Generra and Union Bay in the 1980s . Brittania is credited with being one of the first to market faded denim in the US , and all three were innovators in teen wear . The companies took advantage of the port and Seattle 's proximity to Asia , and they were some of the first to have designers stateside and production overseas . That particular innovation would eventually be devastating to the US garment industry , so while it is difficult to applaud , it is also impossible to deny that it was an important and influential business model . These days , almost all of our clothes are made overseas . Brittania and Generra have since fizzled , but Union Bay is still kicking and has its headquarters in a building on Lake Union . There are also several companies that have been started by former employees of the big three . Tommy Bahama has three cofounders : two of which had started at Brittania and then were major players at Generra , and one who was the former vice - president of Union Bay . The jeans industry and the companies that grew out of it is something I 'd like to know more about , and I 'd like to see that story represented in the MOHAI collection . Of course , recently - made casual wear is never what someone thinks to donate to a history museum . I think most people would be shocked to hear that I roll my eyes when I get an offer for yet ANOTHER 1880s wedding dress , but would jump for joy over some 1980s Seattle branded jeans . Scratch that . Not jump for joy . I would do one of those dance moves from the Hypercolor commercial . Running man with extra side - order of flailing arms . This week I celebrated the anniversary of my return to Seattle . One year ago I arrived by train from New York and started my fantastic job at MOHAI . I still miss many things about NYC , but overall being in Seattle has been wonderful and I still feel blessed to be here doing what I 'm doing . In recognition of my happy , celebratory feelings , it was appropriate that on Friday I got to sing Beethoven 's 9th symphony at Benaroya Hall . This summer I auditioned for the Seattle Choral Company , but had second thoughts about joining when the audition alone was way more intense than I expected ( to give you an idea : I scored a zero on the French portion of the language exam ) . Instead , I decided to join their " festival chorus , " a group of singers they call upon occasionally for larger choral works that require a bigger sound . This year , they needed extras for the choral finale of Beethoven 's 9th . I 've never sung it , but my German is ausgezeichnet compared to my French , and I already knew the basic tune . You probably do too . I 've listened to the full 9th Symphony before , but that was pretty much how I pictured it . Lots of fun German words , a big cheering crowd , and John Lennon on the harmonica . Well , I was in for a shock . Sure , the chorus gets several refrains of the " Ode to Joy " but there are a lot of other parts too , and for most of it the sopranos are at the top of our range , trying to belt out text and high As at the same time . Flip to about the 8 : 30 mark in the video below and you 'll have an idea of how ridiculous it gets by the end : On the night of the concert , our director told us to " leave nothing on the table . " The choral part comprises about 15 minutes of singing and it 's over . Our rehearsals lasted for 2 hours and thirty minutes each , and so learning the piece felt like a marathon . But in performance it was more like a sprint , and so he was telling us to push toward the end and have nothing left after the last measure . It was stirring advice , and in performance the piece finally felt like the joyful thrill it was intended to be . Yesterday I did something I 've never done before : I went to a high school football game . My roommate ( a teacher ) invited me , and I was strangely intrigued by the prospect . My high school didn 't have a football team , so everything I knew about the experience was from TV and movies . Admittedly , the Seattle HS football scene isn 't exactly like small - town Texas ( probably ' cause , you know , there are other things to do here on a Friday night ) but it was pretty fascinating nonetheless . There were cheerleaders , a marching band , and the team even charged through a big piece of paper when they came out after halftime . I was watching the Franklin Quakers , so the only thing missing was some sort of terrifying Ben Franklin mascot . Near the end of the third quarter , the cheerleaders started this cheer that everyone seemed really excited about . They chanted something , and then said " let me see your alligator ! " and everyone did snapping jaw motion with their arms . Next they said " let me see your dougie " and then some little dance move thing happened . And last they said " let me see your QUAKER FACE " and then time stood still as my brain was like " What is happening right now ? What is Quaker Face ? What could it possibly be ? ? " All my Quaker friends from Earlham materialized in an apparition before me as I threw up my hands in confusion . Then time started again . It turned out to be some sort of motion with hands on the side of the face . WHAT DOES IT MEAN , CHEERLEADERS ? WHAT DOES IT MEAN ? ? Girl . No . This week I bought an awesome vintage dress that I had tried on a few days earlier and came back for because I couldn 't stop thinking about it . Seriously , this dress is going to blow everyone 's minds when I wear it . Get ready . Anyway , while I had it on , the woman at the store was , of course , trying to convince me to buy it . That 's what salespeople do . At one point she pointed to the beading and said , " This is very nice workmanship . It is definitely couture . " I was like : Yeah , you saw it coming . I still want to talk about Dmitry . The problem is , I usually watch Project Runway either Friday night or Saturday morning , so when I blog on Saturday , it is all I can think about . Remember when I was excited for him to serve up sequins for the Rockette challenge ? Well , it was awesome . First of all , we got treated to hearing him say " Rahkyette " about 10 times , and then he started snarking to the camera about how boring another designer 's dress was . He actually said this : Hilarious . I 'm going to make that a daily affirmation . This week they had a sort of dumb challenge to design baby clothes , and as part of it they gave them all baby dolls that cried constantly . They even made them take them home to their apartments that night . In the morning , they showed the babies all screaming , and the bleary - eyed designers scrambling to calm them . Dmitry was glaring at his baby over his pillow , and then said to the camera : The fact is , there is no one move . Soon after I started , we moved artifacts out of an old storage location and into a new one . This summer , staff started moving to our new Georgetown facility . The first wave of artifacts soon followed , and are still arriving in batches . Of course artifacts have also been moving to our new building in South Lake Union , and the rest of the staff will move there in about a month . And yesterday , I moved . At " old " MOHAI in Montlake , I had my own little office , complete with dim lighting and loud elevator noises . Here is how it looked just before the movers arrived : First off : LIGHT . I brought my whole arsenal of lamps with me from my old office and now they are just lined up helplessly in the corner . Second : WINDOWS . Yeah , ok they aren 't to the outside , but no collections person expects that . I have a great view of the hallway and collections storage , and that is a heck of a lot more cheerful than a cinder - block wall . Third : HUMAN INTERACTION . There aren 't people visible in the photo , but there are lots around . The rest of my department moved to the new space months ago , and I 've been spending a lot of quiet days alone in my old office . I 'm looking forward to feeling more connected and not worrying that if I fall asleep at my desk I might get forgotten and locked inside the building . Here , if I fall asleep at my desk , everyone will see and make fun of me ( the windows help with that ) . Four : NO MORE ELEVATOR NOISES When the new MOHAI opens in December , our first temporary exhibition will be about movie theaters and filmmaking in Seattle . For the show , we are borrowing costumes from a local company that dressed a number of recent films that used Seattle as a location . The only problem is that most recent films set in Seattle actually use Vancouver for filming ( something about taxes ) , and so actual films made in Seattle tend to be sort of obscure and little known . So , to get you all hyped up about the costumes I 'm dressing for Celluloid Seattle , your assignment is to become obsessed with the following movies : This was a 2002 made - for - TV movie which ended up being forgettable for everyone except those involved in Seattle - area historical societies . The story about a haunted Seattle mansion was totally fabricated , but the marketing campaign tried to get people thinking it was a true story - - much like the Blair Witch Project had done a few years earlier . They set up a fake University website and had a faux documentary about the history of this non - existent building . The result was that lots of people were fooled and started contacting places like MOHAI try to find out more . When told it was just made up , some became angry and assumed that we were either misinformed or part of the cover - up . Historylink has a pretty hilarious run - down of all the inquiries it received , which includes comments like " If the story of Ellen Rimbauer is not true then where did the photos come from ? " and " The unaccounted for bodies of those who visited the mansion should be proof enough . . . who are you to depict which are true and which are false ? " Also looks kind of fun , right ? It was filmed partially in West Seattle and in nearby Bavarian - themed town Leavenworth . At about 40 seconds in you get a great view of Elliott Gould 's grandpa costume which we have for the exhibit . Hardly haute couture , but the printed shirt is Tommy Bahama which is a local brand . I think it 's a nice touch . With this movie and Grassroots , it 's a reminder that most costume designers don 't spend their time churning out Elizabethan gowns . Generally they work with ready - made pieces , and have to put outfits together that match the life and personality of each character . If you make the wrong choice with a period piece , only nerds like me will notice . But if you dress a contemporary movie , you have to tap into people 's present understanding of what certain styles and colors mean . If you put a dark toned , structured blazer on a retired Floridian , everyone is going to feel that it looks wrong . The movie was made in 2011 and was shown at the Seattle International Film Festival , but I think it has yet to have a general theatrical release . It might be coming soon to a theater near you ! Thanks for all your kind words about the various traumas I endured last week . I 'm doing better . The work thing will probably haunt me for a long time , but the actual event is over so at least I can sleep at night . Love continues to be dead , but a reasonable facsimile is still available in the form of Jane Austen novels . That would be a childhood photo of Dmitry , dressed up in what appears to be a drum major uniform with extra rickrack . As part of a challenge about personal and cultural heritage , the designers were surprised by visits from loved ones and shown photos from their past . Dmitry started crying when his friend Irina played him a video of his father in Belarus , offering words of encouragement . It was a heart - melting moment . Look ! He already has an affinity for blonde ladies ! ( For the record I 'm aware that Dmitry is probably gay . Not to make blanket judgments about opposite - sex friendships , but the presence of a lifelong , female best friend is a possibly an indicator . His low V - neck t - shirts are another . But who cares ? He also probably doesn 't live in a Dracula castle either . ) THEN not only did Dreamy Dmitry go on to win the challenge , but we found out that next week they were going to be dressing the Rockettes . At first I was worried for him , but then another blog pointed out that Dmitry " Strictly Ballroom " Sholokov might have this one in the bag . Oh yeah . He used to be a ballroom dancer and probably learned to sew by making his own costumes . I bet he practically grew up in stretch polyester . Contemplating this , Olivia and I proceeded to have the following offensive conversation : If you know me , you know I love Project Runway . I own the first five seasons on DVD and used to clear my schedule whenever it was on . But the move to Lifetime has been rough , and I thought a low point had been reached when Gretchen won instead of Mondo in Season 8 . But the real low point was when I just stopped watching Season 9 because I realized I was dreading each episode and I felt actively anxious and unhappy while watching . I made it through All - Stars but it felt like a chore . So I was pretty sure I was going to watch little , if any , of Season 10 . But Olivia and I ended up watching a few and got hooked , mainly because we fell in love with Dmitry Sholokov , the hilarious , ballroom dancing Belarusian who looks like younger , hotter incarnation of Professer Snape . His thick - accented quips have single - handedly brought the joy of Project Runway back into my life . So far , he has made some great dresses but hasn 't won a challenge . I was hoping his " always the bridesmaid never the bride " story would be similar to that of Jay McCarroll , who uttered that line just before producing one of the best finale collections to date and winning Season 1 . But this week the remaining designers showed at fashion week and Dmitry 's was . . . kinda bad . Which means he won 't win . Then again none of the collections were particularly exciting , so once again , a season of Project Runway is destined to collapse into one giant letdown . 2 . Love Is Dead I probably shouldn 't be dreaming of moving to Eastern Europe so I can live in a castle and have pale babies with Dmitry because the news came this week that love is dead and we should all give up . If you have been wondering why people are sobbing openly in the streets or why pints of Ben & Jerry 's are sold out at your local grocery store , you must not have heard that all - time awesome couple Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are breaking up . Every time I chuckled with schadenfreude over some overexposed celebrity couple going bust , I wondered if I was just hard - hearted toward love and if I would ever be upset to hear about the break up of two people I don 't know . And for years the answer was obvious : Amy and Will . Besides both being two of the funniest people I can think of , they seemed like they really had a loving , respectful , fun , equal marriage . So if they can 't make it work , it means that love must be broken and that we should all just crawl into bed with a box of doughnuts and commence eating our feelings . 1 . Ugh This week something very , very frustrating happened at work and it appears that there is nothing I can do about it . Since this is a public blog , I can 't tell you about it , but I can tell you that my level of sheer rage on the subject has had me listening to Mozart 's Queen of the Night aria on repeat for cathartic comfort . If you 're not familiar , here is a clip . Yep . That is pretty much how I feel . On Monday at the new museum , I had the exciting task of monitoring the moving crew while they worked with some of our larger artifacts . Basically that meant I was supposed to watch them with a steely , judgmental stare that says " under normal circumstances I would rip your head off for touching an artifact like that , but that thing weighs 1400 pounds so I suppose I need your help to move it . " The project included taking the wheels off of a cart and reassembling it in a gallery , and moving our famous racist fish - gutting machine into place . After watching for a little while , I realized I was actually having fun witnessing the whole process . It was just so different than my normal workday . I work mostly with women , and manual tasks are completed slowly and methodically . Fabrics get vacuumed with brush attachments that aren 't much bigger than a quarter , and an entire canoe can get cleaned with a q - tip . But here was this pack of tough guys hammering axels into place , bracing things with giant pieces of wood , and using exciting tools like " winches " and " bottle jacks . " For both projects they had ingenious , well thought - out plans for how to move the objects carefully and methodically , but there were still a few moments where the best option was " hand me the hammer , " or " let 's just see what happens if we push it really hard . " That would be the mannequin that I made the aforementioned beefy arms for . How would you feel if you turned on the light in your office one morning and saw that ? Eventually , he will have hair and hands , and will be wearing a hat , vest , tuxedo jacket , pants , and shoes . But right now he looks like some sort of pants - less , nubby - handed Frankenstein monster . This then brought to mind my other favorite creep - tastic collections photo : This is Black Bart , a quick - draw cowboy arcade game from the 1962 World 's Fair . Here we see him back from the conservator ( where he got some face - work ) and tucked into his packing crate . His shirt was removed so it could be replaced with a prop shirt . About two months ago I got an email that the local PBS station was looking for people to volunteer for Antiques Roadshow . The deal was you had to be willing to show up at 6 : 30 am on a Saturday , and then work on your feet for a twelve hour day . In payment you would get a free Antiques Roadshow polo shirt , two meals , and two appraisals by the experts . I thought , " You had me at free Antiques Roadshow polo shirt . " ( Just as a warning - this is a long post . If you have always wanted to know the inner working of Antiques Roadshow , this is your lucky day . If you barely care , skip to the last paragraph for the # 1 best part of the story . ) We had training on the Friday before and got our jobs assigned . Some assignments seemed uninteresting , but also low pressure ( standing at the front door and greeting people ) and others seemed exciting and high pressure ( working with the camera crew but wearing a headset and running around all day ) . In the end , I played my cards exactly right and found the perfect job : working on the set , directing people into the line for the Rugs and Textile appraisals . Most of the day consisted of managing a line of people . Basically the Antiques Roadshow set is one big circle , with tables of appraisers along the interior perimeter . In the center of the circle is the filming crew and the areas for the on - camera appraisals . The appraisers are divided into categories ( pottery , furniture , Asian art , prints ) , and there is supposed to be a short line in front of every table . When you watch the show , you see lots of people milling around in the background : these are people lined up for appraisals and the volunteers trying to jostle them into the right position . On the outside of the big circle are much , much longer lines for each category . My job was to walk people from the longer hidden line , into the shorter on - set line , and to keep people from sneaking directly into the shorter line . Going to the Antiques Roadshow means lots and lots of waiting ( 6 , 000 people came through with two items each ) , so the main thing that was stressful was dealing with grumpy people in the longer line . By the time they saw me , most had been waiting in different kinds of lines for several hours . But after a few seemingly - tense situations , I discovered that the biggest grumps transformed into cheerful , wide - eyed folk as soon as I led them on set . Speaking of waiting , I realized that if you were excited about the possibility of getting an on - camera appraisal , you should be careful what you wish for . If an appraiser thought you had a TV - worthy story they would call a volunteer like me over , I would go to the volunteer in my section with a headset , and he would send in a request for a producer to come to the table . The owner of the object was sent away to wait , and when the producer came over the appraiser pitched the story to them and they decided if it is camera - worthy . Getting on television is also the goal of the appraisers because it means exposure for them and their business . So at any given time , there are a number of appraisers wanting to speak to the producer . At one point , there were people with objects waiting an hour and a half just to have the producer come over and decide if they were going to get filmed . IF they were picked for filming ( sometimes they weren 't ) they would go into the green room to get makeup and wait to be called onto set . That wait could also stretch into an hour plus . One thing that really surprised me was how much time the appraisers at my table spent with each person . I had three experts : Connie and Steven who specialized mostly in vintage clothing and accessories , and Jim the carpet guy . All of them spent at least five minutes , and sometimes what seemed like as much as 15 or 20 with each person . It made the line move excruciatingly slow , but I don 't think anyone walked way unhappy from the table . Never once did someone get a " Meh . $ 10 . NEXT ! " appraisal . No matter the value , each item got the appraiser 's full attention and they told the person as much as they could . When it was time for my own appraisals , I found out that not every table worked that way . The line for textiles was long , but some of the lines , like painting , were INSANE and so the appraisers had to work very quickly . I brought in two pottery pieces that my parents owned that we had reason to believe were somewhat interesting and possibly valuable . I saw a different appraiser for each one , but I felt like both pieces were dealt with hastily and dismissed as unimportant . I was told one was " the type of thing you see a lot at garage sales " and the other was " only $ 300 to $ 500 . " I walked away defeated , but later realized that they could have told me all the same information in a better way and I would have felt a lot better . $ 300 to $ 500 for a tiny tea bowl that my Dad got for free ? ? Hot dog ! The day ended up being longer than planned . At our 6 : 30 release time there were still some substantial lines , so we all just kept going . Finally at 8 , when most of the lines were done or at least down to the people inside the set , they told us to go home ( the appraisers apparently stayed until the last appraisal was done ) . I was exhausted , but it was an awesome , fascinating , totally worth - it day . They said they would make Seattle into three episodes , airing sometime in early 2013 . I think there is a good chance that the back of my head will be in a shot somewhere ! Ok , but I saved the best story for last . In the middle of the day , the appraiser I had connected with in the morning called me over by name ( to be fair , I had a giant name tag on ) to come look at something . In front of me was a woman with several hats . " What can you tell us about John Eaton ? " he asked . I couldn 't believe it ! As a museum person I couldn 't say anything about value ( I didn 't really know anyway ) but I talked about his store , his career as a milliner , and his legacy as a teacher . I even slipped in something about Gigi and Voulez - Vous . I shared my knowledge with this nationally recognized appraiser and got to tell the owner of the hats something interesting that she didn 't know . Totally worth waking up at 5 : 30 am and standing around for 13 hours ! Last weekend I went to Vancouver ! I rolled into town via my favorite transportation method ( train ) and was shown around by my awesome friend Danielle . Highlights included taking advantage of the nearly equal exchange rate to buy things I didn 't need , visiting the Asian " night market " where we ate fried bananas and visited a booth that was selling bouquets made of stuffed animal heads , and watching Canadian coverage of the Olympics . We also saw an outdoor movie showing of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom which I had never seen before . It was . . . sort of bad . I thought the three other than Crystal Skull were the good ones but it was pretty racist and had a terrible love interest who squealed " I broke a nail " at least twice . Can I get some validation here ? Am I speaking Indiana Jones blasphemy ? It was called " Art Deco Chic " and was about clothing in the 1920s and 1930s . Besides the fantastic dresses , what really excited me about it was that the exhibition was within reach of what could be done at MOHAI . It was beautiful and engaging , but it wasn 't on the level of the MET or the Museum at FIT where all the mannequins match and each room has some elaborate set . This was an impressive show at a local history museum . The mannequins were really interesting because they didn 't all match . They were clearly cobbled together from a few different sources and the curators had to do a lot of work trying to put the right dress with the right form . " Don 't lose your heads over it ! Ha Ha ! " [ elbow jab ] Mostly , it worked . I can 't remember any being particularly creepy or strange . Oh wait , now I remember . Aunt Mavis there on the right seemed like she had wandered into the wrong show . I left brimming with ideas and dreaming of the day when I would get to put on my own fashion exhibition . And wondering if I would ever be fabulous enough to pull off a hoodie dress . Posted by It all started innocently enough . One of my coworkers in the library was processing a new collection and came across a reference to a designer named John Eaton . Since no one seemed to know anything we started searching . First someone found an ebay listing for a photo of him . Then I found an article in the Seattle Times historical database . Before long , we knew the following things : 1 ) While he did design clothes his specialty was hats . He had a shop across the street from Frederick & Nelson called " John Eaton , Of Course ! " and later in life he taught millinery classes in Seattle . 2 ) In the 1960s he was living with his " business partner " James Neher and two poodles named Gigi and Voulez - vous . Now , I don 't want to jump to conclusions about men who live with other men and own poodles , but I think the implication there is pretty clear . The more I looked , the more there was to love . First of all , it looks like he was pretty much the biggest deal in hats the city has ever had . His shop was one thing , but his major legacy was his teaching . I saw one quote that claimed all milliners currently working in Seattle either learned directly from him or from one of his students . Second , it turns out that my hunch about him being gay wasn 't just an educated guess . In the 1980s the Seattle Times did a feature about gay couples in Seattle and " Jim and John " were included as a happy couple that had been together 33 years . When faced with snide remarks , James said " we chose to ignore it and act like gentlemen . " I can 't wait to find out more about Eaton and let more people know about his awesomeness . Tragically for you , if you are interested in those ebay listings for the photos you see in this post , too bad . I already snapped them up . I also bought a hat of his on etsy . Hmm . I just got a vision of myself on an upcoming episode of hoarders . My apartment will be filled to the gills with old Nordstrom ads , packages of vintage John Doyle Bishop hosiery , and Bon Marche shopping bags , and the therapist will pull something out of the rubble and say " Now , do you really need this photograph of a man and two poodles ? Is he even related to you ? I 'm going to throw this away , " and I 'll be like " Noooo ! I 'm saving it for HISTORY . " This week , as I expectantly searched through a photo album for insect carcasses , it occurred to me that you couldn 't really be a good museum collections person if you had a crippling fear of bugs . Artifact collections shouldn 't have bugs or vermin of any kind , but part of the process of keeping that way requires an obsessive interest in bugs and evidence of bugs . We put down sticky traps , check exhibit cases for frass ( bug poop ) , and if we actually find a bug our first instinct is to put it in a bag . I once looked down to see a small bug crawling on my hand , and my response was to walk calmly over to the collections manager 's desk , show her , and ask for an insect bag . Once bagged , we looked through her chart of harmful artifact - eating insects and tried to identify it . Bugs are also a big reason I 've been doing so much vacuuming . As a precaution , we 've decided every textile - based object coming off exhibit will get vacuumed , deep frozen , and vacuumed again . The freezing kills insects , and the vacuuming removes dead bugs , eggs , and dust that might be tasty to insects in the future . I haven 't found any bug evidence on objects for a while , and so sometimes I wonder if all this extra vacuuming is really necessary . But last week I found some bug bits on a fabric - covered photo album , and it was actually sort of exciting and validating . With relish I paged through the album looking for carcasses , and with each one I removed , I felt like I was creating order in a chaotic world . I may not be able to fix global poverty , but I can fix this .
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Then you 've come to the right place . We understand you and how you feel . You 're probably angry , confused , and unsure of what to do with neighbors that have no respect or courtesy for your personal property . " My Neighbor 's Dog is Pooping in my Yard . Now What ? 101 Ways to Get Your Yard and Dignity Back " is the book written for you . It is Available on Amazon . com . This book contains the stories of people JUST LIKE YOU - and they have advice JUST FOR YOU . We know this book will help answer those tough questions you have for what might seem like a simple problem , is actually very emotionally complicated . We had just moved into our new house in 2006 , when we were immediately met with an interesting challenge : our neighbor freely takes their dog poopy on our front yard . Now what ? Well , like any spineless male in their early 30 's , I wrote a blog post about it . What happened next was magic : I received hundreds of comments - advice about what to do with a neighbor who takes their dog poopy in others ' yards . I knew quickly that I had hit a nerve because the volume of responses was so high and the tone of their responses was full of emotion . And now , six years later , that blog post still receives comments and advice from readers from around the world . It became very clear to me : dealing with dog poop in our yards from dogs that are not our own is a universal problem . It 's been said that Math is the common language across all cultures . I 'd venture to say that poopy in our lawn is a common experience across all cultures , religions , and geographies . But there 's a backstory here : That original post became somewhat of a channel for people to vent and share their own experiences about dog poo and their neighbors . What I came to realize is that it wasn 't just dog poo and property rights at stake here , but our overall notion of dignity , respect , and basic human decency were being threatened . In a way , that article became an online Dr . Phil show - about dogs and poopy in the yard , but also about feeling victimized , anger , revenge , salvation , vindication , and what it means to be a human . So , I present to you the advice of many random and emotional people about what to do with neighbors that have no regard about where their dog goes poopy . As you read , keep in mind that it 's not just advice you 'll be reading , but you 'll be presented with their personal stories and experiences . This book is a compilation of the best advice from that article originally written in 2006 . At best , I hope you find the advice here helpful ; at worse , I hope you 'll read something that will make you laugh . Yes , that describes my neighbor . They have a really nice black lab , but he roams our neighborhood unattended . During his galavanting around the block , he leaves " calling cards " on the lawns of our neighborhood , including ours . Yuck ! We live in a new home and when we bought it , we didn 't have grass , trees , or anything . This summer , we had landscaping done - grass , 14 trees , and a bunch of cement work . So , we 're a little sensitive to poop on a brand new yard . Here 's a picture of our front lawn on the day the landscapers finished their work : Any suggestions ? I 'd love to hear how others have approached this problem . At first , I thought about placing the poop carefully on their front step with a note stating that " your dog crapped in my yard . please be thoughtful and take care of your dog " - something like that . But , the neighbors are pretty private and anti - social . Don 't get me wrong , I 'm very nice to them and go out of my way to talk and to help them with things , but they 're a little different and very unapproachable . Well , they 're moving ; so , maybe I don 't have to deal with this anymore . But we have new neighbors and I just had a frank chat with them . They 're really nice and confronting your neighbor is really the best approach - just total honesty and openness . What about dog poop bags ? I wish they had them and used them . I guess it wouldn 't be too bad if their dog ate poop - at least the dog would be cleaning after itself . Or , if the neighbors had a dog poop composter - even better . Or , simply buy a dog poop scooper and use it ! Neighbor dog pooping in my yard - Yes , I like the dog , but the owners aren 't that thoughtful . To make the matter worse , the dog owners know about their dog 's habit . Any suggestions ? Someone from Petstmart help me . You should explain the problem to your neighbors and ask them politely to keep their dog out of your yard . If that doesn 't solve your problem you should call the local police or animal control and report them . Most cities have laws and ordinances forbiding people from letting their dogs run loose . The authorities will probably warn your neighbors for the first offense and fine them for subsequent offenses . Just have a friendly and polite talk with them , introduce yourself , offer your assistance , and ask them to clean up the poop . If they are un - approachable , leave a card with chocolates or a small gift with the same sentiment . It is better to have friends in your neighborhood , than enemies . " Kill ' em with kindness " Nancy Giles says September 8 , 2014 at 8 : 18 am I just got into it with my neighbor about my dog pooping in his yard . I was walking my two dogs and one of them pooped in another yard . I picked it up and moved on . My dog still had something hanging from his butt so he did his poop stance and the neighbor came out and said " please don 't let your dog poop in my yard " . I immediately got on the defense stating I always pick up my dogs poop and showed him my poop bag . He again said the same thing and I said I can 't control when he poops . We exchanged much more words and I then left . I 've always tried to be a good neighbor and don 't want my dogs to be offensive to my neighbors . Been walking same route for over 8 years . Maybe my neighbor is having a bad day . R Bravo says November 30 , 2014 at 2 : 25 pm No … you have control over WHERE you walk your dog ! I don 't want any dog pooping or peeing in my garden … . EVEN if you pick up the crap ! Why can 't you dog owners understand that other people 's lawn is not your dog 's toilet ! What gives you the right ? This sense of entitlement is absurd ! JohnJ says February 4 , 2016 at 1 : 16 pm I have to agree . I have a neighbor who never caries poop bags when she walks her dog . She always goes home with the dog " empty handed " . Unfortunately , I found the poop many times when I mow my lawn on the shoes or on my mower blades . I don 't ever remember seeing any dog ever peed or pooped in her yard because everyone would carry a poop bag and control where their dogs walk . It does matter where your dog poops . It 's become habit for many dog owners to let their pets relieve themselves , poop or pee on the edges of neighbors lawns or landscaping , but the truth of it is , MOST neighbors do not like it . They might not be as direct as the neighbor you got into it with , but they most likely think irritated or angry thoughts of you and your pets . No one likes their nice yards to be thought of as your dog 's toilet . As the sign says , " I don 't relieve myself in your yard , please don 't let your dog use mine as his toilet " . I hate my neighborhood dog owners thinking it 's ok , also if they just pick it up , which sometimes they don 't … that it 's fine . Frankly , even if you pick it up it leaves some poop behind , it stinks , it attracts flies to the yard , it 's a health hazard . Peeing in the yard will also cause damage to sensitive landscaping and lawns . My thought as a pet owner , is just don 't do it . Train your animal to go in your own backyard ( then reward the animal with a walk and or treat ) or in a place that is not directly in a neighbor 's yard . Tma says June 25 , 2016 at 3 : 59 am I 'm currently going through this with my neighbors . I 've talked to them 4 - 5 times and even had them come down the street to clean it up . I 've called animal control 3 times . My husband has physically removed and returned their dog twice . What more can we do beyond re - homing the dog ourselves ? bob says September 16 , 2006 at 8 : 12 pm I 'm not sure I 'd buy chocolates for the neighbor , but I certainly wouldn 't avoid the converstation . 75 % of the time , talking with them will solve the problem . Even if they don 't care , they won 't want to deal with talking with you again , so they 'll fix the problem . If that doesn 't work , ask them 1 more time , then start calling animal control . In that situation , it doesn 't do the dog , the neighbor , or your sanity any good to put up with it . They 're also your neighbors , so you don 't want to make them angry since your lives are intertwined for a while . So … be nice and confront the problem in person . If that doesn 't work , show ' em some tough love . You shouldn 't have to pay for sprinklers / fences / etc … for someone else 's illegal negligence . Bettie says August 6 , 2011 at 10 : 40 pm Hey Joe , if you give the dog chocolate , then he will poop your yard up even more . lol … He now have diarrhea and finds his way back to his marked spot to let it all out . mom2animals & kids says October 25 , 2016 at 5 : 42 pm Chocolate is toxic for dogs - it can kill them ! I know that you aren 't suggesting that murdering an animal is okay ! ? ! ? Animal lover or not ! That 's like killing a child because they have crappy parents ! Tanna says July 15 , 2008 at 4 : 18 pm Did you actually see their dog ( s ) pooping on your lawn ? If not , and you are going on the assumption of finding dog droppings in your yard , it could be someone else 's dog ( s ) . I know many people in my neighborhood who walk their dogs in the dark , who think after big Duke does his duty on their lawn , they can just scamper back home into the darkness . This happens nightly to our lawn . & a good laugh out of giving the Dog Chocolate . Our Neighbor claimed that the dog that barks has a bladder problem & is therefore kept outside & the two younger dogs pick on him ( the older ) dog . They brought it inside & for 1 - 2 days & told us about the dog having a medical problem . Likely storey : L . O . L . ! ! Now what ? I 've been thinking about this for awhile now . My husband is the one who knows what to say , & how to put it politely , however : I do not believe that is fixing this situation . I do not feel we should have to get into some kind of fight with our neighbor , nor to have to cause some scene . I do believe something needs to be done . The neighbors dog came into our yard & had attacked my husband while outside in our yard ( almost ) , good thing he had some kind of steal rod with him at the time : the dog then ran off . However , the dog comes into our back yard as though he owned the place & he will not come into the yard if there is more then one person in the yard . Unfortunately , dog owners do not realize their dog is mean around others without them being around . If this doesn 't help you , then you can @ least get a good laugh about it , as I 've not done it yet : however the idea sounds good . The dogs stomach would be so upset , he will not want to leave his own yard & probably wont even feel like barking . Besides , from what I 've heard , Chocolate isn 't good for dogs : L . O . L . He ( the dog ) jumps over our brick wall , I am thinking of attaching an electric fence @ the top of it : to keep him out , along with a zapper & a dog dazer . This dog needs to know where the property lines are & how he can avoid getting himself into trouble . Out our office window is where our back yard is located : we see this dog , in action . Sort of a cliche , but how about a fence ? Yes , this avoids confrontation , but it certainly protects your yard and offers protection for your children . Personally , I like the look of fences and the sense of hominess they offer . If you don 't like the look of a fence , try planting a row of hedges and put a green wire garden fence behind them . Everybody wins . Your neighbors are thoughtless , but you are not going to change them . The dog may be the one who really suffers in the end . It 's not his fault . Sort of a cliche , but how about a fence ? Yes , this avoids confrontation , but it certainly protects your yard and offers protection for your children . Personally , I like the look of fences and the sense of hominess they offer . If you don 't like the look of a fence , try planting a row of hedges and put a green wire garden fence behind them . Everybody wins . Your neighbors are thoughtless , but you are not going to change them . The dog may be the one who really suffers in the end . It 's not his fault . John Earth says July 30 , 2008 at 5 : 32 pm I cringe at hearing this : " You should call the local police or animal control and report them . Most cities have laws and ordinances forbiding people from letting their dogs run loose . " ( Forbidding is the correct spelling by the way ) I agree with Toni , build a fence and keep them out . I am sure you do things that are just as irritating to your neighbors . We all live close together and we all poop in each others yards in some manner . What is more important , winning the poop war or having a good relationship with a neighbor ? A short white picket fence would look nice around your house . By the way , I linked one of your articles to our website . I hope that is all right . Janice says November 21 , 2015 at 1 : 13 pm Marisa you 're exactly right . I 've had a medium sized dog that liked to go out and stay outside on nice days . We kept her fenced in . I now have two small dogs and live in a neighborhood with large lots and we have no fence . Our dogs go out with us and stay in our yard with us without roaming . My problem now , is that a new neighbor moved in with a large dog that roams the neighborhood and craps in our yard . I now have to worry about this large dog attacking my small dogs plus I don 't appreciate the large piles being left behind by someone else 's dog . The neighbor ignored my concerns when I told them to keep their dog in their own yard . George says July 18 , 2009 at 11 : 58 am How about a low power BB gun or paint ball gun to light up his butt ? I assume this is not legal but if I 'm not mistaken so is letting your dog run loose . Just don 't get caught . Alice says September 11 , 2009 at 7 : 02 pm I have a similar , but slightly different problem . I live in a big city and have two tneighbors with dogs who live above us in the same building . They are leaving the dog poop all day long , and occasionally , not always , pick it up in the evenings or the next morning . I have two small children who like to play outside in the yard . One of them is still at the age where he would potentially eat the poop if he accidentally comes into contact with it . I have asked the neighbors politely to pick up the poop , I have written an angry e - mail and my husband has asked politely as well . I have had several conversations with one of them who argues with me about this and says , " oh , it 's no big deal - I get it at the end of the day . " I have explained to her that my children are playing outside DURING the day , so this is useless . She dismisses my requests and continues to say it 's not a problem because " the poop is just in the one little area in the yard . " I never know where the poop is and clearly polite conversation / confrontation has not worked , nor has anger . What should I do ? Right now , I 'm combing the yard for poop before my children go outside to play and picking it up myself . Do call animal control , especially if you have children or small animals of your own . Dogs that are left loose to relieve themselves on your lawn are not dogs that are under control , and their misbehavior can easily escalate to physical attacks . Period . We just experienced an episode of this sort of escalation this week . We have a neighbor who has let her small dogs out unsupervised for several years . They clearly are under the impression that the entire neighborhood is their playground , and leave piles all over the place , in addition to blocking postal and UPS delivery trucks and chasing cats and children on scooters . A couple days ago , they finally got their jaws on a cat and tore its throat out . tara says October 23 , 2009 at 11 : 30 am I baste the poo with leftover bacon fat , the next time the dog comes around it takes its last deposit with it . this usually means there is always one poo on the lawn but it is now a most entertaining poo , there are some who say " don 't abuse the dog " but as far as I am concerned they eat poo all the time so no harm done . You could always kindly inform the dogs owner that this WILL be your tactic if they do not contain their dog . Maybe the neighbors are learning through observance what a responsible dog owner is like & should be like . People learn through observance . If you can 't keep a dog properly , how then do you expect them to ? Tia says August 6 , 2011 at 11 : 05 pm Ethan , you are not making any sense at all . Why so much extra work for neighbors . It 's your dog & your responsibility of his ( your dogs ) whereabouts . Dig ? Go take a nap . . lol . . Yvonne says May 1 , 2016 at 6 : 47 pm It 's not my job to alter my life or pay to alter my property because you cannot control your animal . Nope ! My domain is all I am responsible for and I am not responsible for decorating it to accommodate the irresponsible actions of others . So if i dont want to put up a hedge that isn 't aesthetic to my lawn design , I won 't . There is no reason I should have to get a crystal ball and see into the future that some idiot that can 't control their dog is going to just let says animal irk are and defacate all over my lawn . Yeah , I 'll pass on that notion . Perry says April 6 , 2010 at 9 : 10 pm If you allow your dog to constantly \ go \ in a neighbors yard , then you are disrespecting them in a major way . If they talk to you and you continue to do so , then whatever they do to you in retribution is warranted since you are technically in control and by ignoring their requests you have brought in on yourselves . You idiots that think it is ok for a dog to go in your neighbors yard are just that …… . idiots . Dorothy says February 28 , 2012 at 5 : 17 am Thank you for bringing up the core issue here - RESPECT ! People who use their neighbors ' properties as their own personal dog toilet have a mental problem . They are stunted in their development of respectful , mature , sensible behaviour . Just return their dog 's poo to them making sure it is placed where they are sure to step in it . No amount of polite communication is going to work . They are not that evolved . You might as well be teaching a chimp to play the piano . Ethan says April 18 , 2010 at 2 : 27 pm I never said it was ok for people to let their dog go on your lawn , and yea I agree with your whole warranted retribution spiel , but if you have some wide open yard basically inviting dogs to squat , its inevitable . If you have some big garden at the curb , what do you expect ? There is always going to be that one idiot as you call them that will let their dog go on your lawn . Get a fence or a hedge around your property , and then you won 't have to come up with these ridiculous schemes because your ego is hurt . bertha says June 19 , 2011 at 8 : 20 pm some neighborhood associations do not let people build fences around the yards …… . duh . are you going to suggest that everyone move away from neighborhoods with deed restrictions now ? ? ? ? or that maybe people should not live where there are certain rules ? if that response for me crossed your mind , then maybe you should also think about the city rules that say you should keep your dog under your supervision . bottom line , we shouldn 't have to fence ourselves in . people should just be responsible for their own pets and thats all there is to it . Matt says June 27 , 2011 at 5 : 52 pm It had nothing to do with ego you dumb ass lol . Who the hell in their right mind likes to clean up dog shit huh ? You tell me who ? Dog owners don 't even like to do it but they know they have to . Why the hell should somebody have to come out of pocket to put a fence up and look at something that they didn 't even want but had to do it just to keep a fuckin dog off the lawn huh ? You really are a clueless idiot . Have some god damn respect and pick up your dogs crap end of story Ethan says July 3 , 2011 at 2 : 27 am Wow lol , Matt you should really pick up some reading comprehension . Responding to a post over a year old and throwing out personal attacks when in fact all I did was give another side of the argument is only proving you to be the " clueless idiot " . I 'm in no way agreeing that a person letting their dog crap on your lawn is OK as I stated in a previous post . I 'm saying chances are there 's always going to be that one person in the neighborhood that doesn 't clean up after their dog . I take pride in my yard , so in the majority of the houses I lived in I 've either built a fence or had a hedge around the perimeter so that it enforces boundaries . Yeah people " should " be responsible for their pets , but some people see it as " should " and not " must " . If you value your nice yard it " should " be common sense to have some sort of ensuring factor to keep it nice , like a fence . The same logic applies to your house , your car , etc . That 's why we invented insurance as a line of protection for the things we value . Imagine one day you 're driving down the street and someone crashes into you with their car . No matter whos fault it was , if you value your car you should have some sort of insurance on it . You 're stupid not to because there will always be that factor of it happening . Yeah I don 't like paying for car insurance , but it 's taking responsibility and control over something important in my life . If I got into an accident with no insurance I can get pissed at the other person all I want for what happened , but its equally my fault for not being prepared accordingly . Your yard follows the same logic . You can be pissed off at the person all you want for letting their dog poop on your yard , but it 's equally just as much your fault for letting your yard be a candidate and not having any sort of defense . It does have a lot to do with ego , otherwise this website wouldn 't be up . People see it as a personal attack , and automatically think the dog owners single your yard out and force their dogs to go in your yard just to spite you as a person , when in fact most of the time it 's just the luck of the draw . The houses I didn 't build a fence or hedge I mirrored the offenders attitude judging on their actions . If its just a first or second time random offender , then I took it as lightly as they did and just assertively told them not to do it and they respected my wishes . If I were to overreact and start freaking out on those first time offenders , they will probably take it personally , and their hurt feelings may lead to retaliation by singling my yard out in the future depending on how bruised their ego is . So there 's a little rational thought . Life isn 't fair , so don 't expect things to be . Not all people have the same values and morals as you do , so don 't expect them to . Just because If I had a dog I would always clean up after them , doesn 't mean another dog owner shares the same code . Therefore it 's my responsibility to adapt and be prepared for those types of things , rather then complain and blame everyone else . Anna says July 22 , 2011 at 12 : 54 am Ethan , I can 't agree with anything you have said . I do value my yard , but I don 't WANT a fence and I shouldn 't have to put one up to keep a dog off my lawn . My lawn is my private property and the offender is trespassing . End of story . We have a dog and she never sets foot on anyone else 's lawn without invitation . It is not hard to do , if she tries , we tell her " off " and she doesn 't do it . It is not rocket science , it is basic dog training . People like those who allow ( yes , they allow it ) their dogs to use other people 's property as a toilet and don 't pick up after their dogs ( regardless of where they leave a deposit ) are the reason dogs are allowed so few places anymore . As a responsible pet owner , it irritates the crap ( pun intended ) out of me . And trying to lay it off on the homeowner as their responsibility to keep the dogs at bay is irritating at best too . Epic fail in your argument as far as I am concerned . Ethan says August 11 , 2011 at 6 : 35 pm If you were aware of car jacker [ s ] in your neighborhood , would you be saying the same thing ? If you lived in a bad part of town , wouldn 't the smart and logical decision be to get some security for your vehicle ? Lets switch some words around in your opening paragraph : Ethan , I can 't agree with anything you have said . I do value my car , but I don 't WANT anti theft and I shouldn 't have to have it to keep other people away from my vehicle . My car is my private property and the offender is trespassing . End of story . Even though you 're right that it is wrong for people to be violating your property , that doesn 't mean it won 't happen . It is still humorous to scale your blind argument with a different scenario however . It doesn 't matter what you want or don 't want . I wouldn 't want to get anti theft for my car , but if I lived in a bad area I would much rather have it then have my car vandalized . The exact same logic applies to dogs crapping on peoples yards . If you are aware of irresponsible and stubborn dog owners in your neighborhood , you can shut out the offenders with a fence or a hedge . It would be stupid to just expect them not to if you are already aware of it , it would be like leaving your car unlocked in a bad part of town and expect it to be there in one piece by morning . Anna says August 16 , 2011 at 12 : 42 am You crack me up . Clearly you are someone who likes to argue just for the sake of arguing . You don 't even know the definition of your example , but my argument is blind ? And I am the dense and ignorant one ? Something tells me you are the type of person who does ( or would let ) their dog crap on other people 's lawns unless they were " smart " enough to put a fence up to keep you out . That was one of the most logical comments I 've read so far . My neighbor does watch her 75lb . Boxer poop in others yards , because I 've witnessed her doing it this summer . All of our backyards are side by side . She has a baby that is almost two . She doesn 't want the dog going to the bathroom in her yard where her child plays , so she allows it to run loose daily , watching it go . All of my neighbors have seen this . We are also afraid because of the size of the dog . When we yell at it , it just stands there , barking at us . I 've told the owner four times , over the last 3 years about her dog , but she ignores me & goes in the house . I 'm video taping it now . Louise says August 16 , 2011 at 9 : 40 am Yeah you 're right on cue Matt . Quote : Who the hell in their right mind likes to clean up dog shit huh ? You tell me who ? I 'll say - " That 's why they ( Dog owners ) Need to Put Up a Fence around their own yards … to keep him in their yard , so the dog won 't have to leave home to poop … And They can Clean It up . This way , Everybody , All neighbors will remain happy , and easy to live with " . Nawww , that 's too much like right ! What 's the Big Picture & Problem here ? They 're LAZY Asses ! BTW - There are Some very respectful pet / dog owners out there , and they know who they are , and I commend you . They potty train their dogs , teach them when & where to poop , and never have their dog go in someone else 's yard , because that is straight out Nasty . Good ones even go as far as having dogs barking under control . Those who don 't , simply don 't care about other people 's well - being . Yet , there are some Real Lazy Nasty Non - caring Disrespectful Bitter & Devious dog owners , using their animals to piss other neighbors , & people in general off . I observe neighbors like this all the time , who are unhappy themselves , have lost communication skills with decent educated human beings . They are very unlovely , unfriendly , jealous & envious of others . Not to mention sour and resentful with self as well . It 's very noticeable , wanting attention . When they can 't get it from me , then I deal with sort of thing . You guys out there are not alone . It 's an epidemic ! This is their way of grasping for attention that they cannot achieve from their animals , so they 're bitter & jealous of people . They tend to stay close to their animal so they will feel love . That 's it . That 's all some people have , and that 's not enough . I study neighbors who do this all the time . Let me make my self clear , Not everyone is like this , but the ones who are , they know this is true - from observance & studying behavior modification , plus , years ago in college , I know it is . Just offering a little input for this type of behavior . Now , these owners want their surroundings neat & clean , and they get a thrill out of destroying others properties in order to make theirs stand out , and look better than yours ' . What arrogant selfish fools they are . In the end they will still need a human being to possibly save their life , in the time of an emergency . These people should start having respect for their fellow brother & sister … stop trying to make others lives hell because you are living in hell within . Clean the Crap Out of My Yard & Do Get a Fence for Your own Yard . Better yet , I may have said it before , but this is important . How about letting your dog poop in your / his own yard before taking him for a walk ? OR Put a pamper on the dog before you walk him if he hasn 't been taught that everybody is not fond of looking at Or stepping in his / her waste . They 're not that cute . I wouldn 't want to step in my own crap ! What is theThey know all about what they 're doing to you as a neighbor . The question is - Do you ? Dorothy says February 28 , 2012 at 5 : 24 am What if you live in an area where covenants prevent fences , and the land won 't support hedges ? Your advice is silly . Where I live , there is far too little dirt to support hedges and water restrictions would mean that the hedges had better be plastic ! Also , deer must be able to pass through , so fences are not allowed . The yard is not to blame . Selfish , ill - mannered , disrespectful dog owners are ! Kim says May 19 , 2010 at 7 : 45 am I am asking anyone for advice on what to do . I am having a similar problem . My neighbor is letting her dogs out to do their business on my lawn . 1 . ) yelled at them when they are on my property . She is on her porch watching so I see no reason to go over and talk to her about it . She knows that she is a dirty birdie . 2 . ) I basted her dogs turds with bacon grease . My dog has a pen so I know which piles belong to her animals . I figure dogs eat crap anyway and if they clean up after themselves , everyone wins . Apparently the dogs are smarter than their owner , they wouldn 't eat their own feces , bacon grease or no bacon grease . 3 . ) I called the police . The police have been to her house a number of times . She has been issued at least one ticket . I overheard her 3rd conversation with the police officer regarding her coming visit with the magistrate . At that time she told the officer that our dog frequents her yard . We have an 86 lb GSD that hates dogs and people and that I DO NOT trust off leash , the end . If my dog was in her yard she would have a bigger problem than improper doggy defecation . So not only is she retarded , she is a liar as well . Our neighborhood has a no fence law . Otherwise this would be our obvious next step . I have thought about a scarecrow sensor sprinkler , but I am having a hard time spending upwards of 60 bucks on something that may or may not work . I would hose them down myself , but when they hear me open the back door they pinch it off and finish their job in my next door neighbors yard . I don 't want to hurt the dogs , because it is not their fault that their owner is a derelict imbecile , but each passing day it gets harder and harder . Bettie says August 7 , 2011 at 12 : 39 am Hey Kim . This story of mine is similar in a sense , where the owners are on the porch watching as well . They call their dog when he finishes loading my yard . This is on purpose I know for sure . I have no problem at being a decent caring neighbor . This story has an additional act , along with the demonic ways of these animal owners . Only one dog owner family in my block or on my street , with 2 dogs . Everybody knows this . Have you experienced any thing like this ? Has anyone ? My neighbor lets his dog out to roam around our street , around 12 midnight and he 's very sneaky with it . Already standing on his / their porch , by the time he thinks the dog is finished he starts calling the dog . At this time it 's too late . In speaking to them a while back about this , Owner gets very angry , appears to be devious & dangerous - says he 's not the only one who has a dog around here , yet he is . Police spoke to him / them , then they retaliated against me worse . Nobody can stop these people . He knows what he 's doing . He 's been fined in the past for poop in front of my sidewalk , and he still doesn 't stop . Seems to be unstoppable to me . He has a back yard fenced in , but he does this on purpose . Why confront someone when they know what they 're doing ? Also he has been doing everything he can think of to destroy our neighborhood , for the five years he 's been living in this block , and the dog is one of the ways . I 've been living in this corner home , now for 21 years , and with No fence . I 'm looking for solutions to stop it ( dog poop ) as well . I was recently searching for a cheap way to fence my front yard without at a high cost , or going into debt . This neighbor has caused me a lot of money trying to catch him head - on for the trash thrown in front of my door overnight , and the midnight poop sessions … El - slicko , I 'll say ! There are about 6 spots with dog poop where I have put sand from my granddaughters sand box on my porch . Hear this : I live alone , and always in some school learning new trades , so neighbor started this when I graduated from college as a pc tech in ' 09 . He ( male dog owner ) saw me doing my hedges one hot day … came to my yard , told me that the other neighbors didn 't like me . I ask why ! He says , they are jealous of you because you are smarter than they ' is ' . That 's exactly how he said it . " Shame , Shame , Shame on him ! School is waiting for him , no doubt … Lol … First it started with turning neighbors against me , and one another , trashing the side of my home 3 years ago , then came the dog ' let loose to poop on my property or right outside my front yard ' thing . He 's jealous of all the residents in the block . He does a lot of crutty things , like a crackhead would do , for no reason at all . I am a loner , except for friends who come to visit me from afar , and we bother no one . You see , I 'm from the old school . To sum it all up : If this neighbor ( family ) can 't come in & out of other neighbors home , borrowing , plotting & planning on ways to set them up somehow , then they show they anger & hatred with trash & dog poop around my home & a couple of others residents ( wife in it too ) . He 's not the only trash - er though . There 're others as well who have been fined , but as long as housing get their fine money they don 't care . Everything starts all over again , continuing as usual . So the real question is … what is the solution and who do you call ? Well , with the … City ? ( hears & takes complaint & cleans the trashers trash up with alley sweeps ) Housing ? ( checks complaint , fine neighbors & collects their money ) Us Neighbors ? ( day later we continue to see the poop & trash build - up same places as before ) . Ohhhh - the poop stopped in the male neighbors yard , but continues in mine . Those who are Not dealing with such Don 't think it 's a big deal . How foolish ! Note : There is a fee for a permit to put up fence , cost for the fence , and a cost for the labor to have it put up correctly . Whew … Who has extra money laying around these days for this crap ? Not me ! They really don 't want that . Not bragging but I 'm one of your best , respectful , private & considerate neighbors you 'll ever find , without a dog . I help others when I can , but I enjoy minding my own business . Some people don 't like this type neighbor ! Owners sit , watch and wait for women to speak up , as Kim mentioned , so they can attack them verbally to get their anger out . I spoke up for 2 - 3 years about all this to everyone - community president , city , housing , police , citation enforcement - you name them , and it 's still going on today … 8 - 2011 . Go figure ! Hei says May 6 , 2012 at 2 : 50 am I can totally relate . Trying to talk politely to your neighbour is only a good solution when he 's a civilized person . Otherwise he just gets angry and yells at you ( when in fact YOU are the one who should be angry ) , tells you to get lost and retaliates against you when you dare call the police , who won 't care much afterwards if you tell them about the retaliation . I 'm just a quiet student living with his mother ( I think my other neighbours barely notice I live here ) and a 40 - something - year - old bully who lives a couple of houses away has apparently decided to devote a lot of energy to harassing me . One of the things he does is parking his lorry close to my house to try to wake me up with the noise it makes every morning . Another is letting his dog poop on my front lawn . It 's both comforting and appalling to know we are not the only victims of such unscrupulous degenerates . Whenever I see this kind of story I ask myself : " How can human beings be so despicably rotten ? " Take a look at this article for instance : How is it possible to be such an uncivilized scumbag in the 21st century ? Those people are not cut out to live in a modern society if they can 't respect their neighbours and are ready to retaliate against them for the rest of their lives instead of recognizing that they are in the wrong . They should go live alone in caves . If I had a time machine I 'd lock up my neighbour inside and send him back to the age of Neanderthal men , which is probably where he came from . Alice says May 19 , 2010 at 12 : 38 pm I previously left a comment on here about my neighbors , who are our friends and still leave their dog poop , in spite of our numerous requests . There are three families who live in the same building as we do - we live in a big city in a condo building and share a yard . My children play in the yard and have stepped on dog poop numerous times . I have told them this and they still do it . After writing all of this on here last year and spending a long time being angry with them because they did not do anything about it , I finally bought a pooper scooper and some doggie doo doo bags and started combing the yard myself for dog poop before my children play in the yard . Acceptance has made my life peaceful again ! I don 't think people who have been asked numerous times are ever going to change behavior , so my final advice to all who have visited here in anger with their neighbors is … . acceptance ! As soon as I did , my anger went away . The friendship with the neighbors is obviously not as close as it otherwise might have been had they picked up their dog 's poop , but nonetheless , we 're still friends and I am now at peace picking up the poop ! Bettie says August 7 , 2011 at 1 : 00 am More power to you Alice . I put sand on top of it ( poop ) , because I 'm not combing my yard looking to scoop it up . Where am going to put it after picking it up . I don 't carry anger , personally . I just don 't want to step in dog sh * * , and bring it in my home . Happened to me before at a park and I DIDN ' T LIKE IT ! ! ! I had to stop & realize - I have retards as neighbors . It is , what it is , ya know . I don 't own a dog and don 't feel comfortable scooping dog crap up from my property . It makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it … However , I do have other solutions to this problem . That 's it . Kim says May 19 , 2010 at 1 : 20 pm @ Alice , I am not ready yet for acceptance . I bought the sprinkler for $ 57 with free shipping on Amazon . com . When it soaks her dogs , then I will call the police and tell them that the dogs were in my yard again as they are wet ( proof ) and we can do this every day until one of us moves or she dies or whatever . I am currently unemployed so she is my new project . I was up late last night and noticed that her cat was in my yard marking as well . My yard has become one big latrine . I am thinking that this sensor sprinkler should take care of all the problems without hurting the animals . Of course in the winter , when it is below freezing , I am back to square one . With any luck her animals will be reprogrammed by then . I posted about the same problem prior to getting a motion sensor & a dog . We now have an inside dog . We go outside a few times daily & now the next door neigbhor tells his dogs to be quiet . They are not home much , so when we catch their dog who is sensored : we tell the dog with authority to go home ( in a firm voice ) . He goes home & rarely bothers us much anymore . The neighbors have a different kind of stench about them , as they smoke in their back yard & while out there , I can bearly breathe , so I have to come back inside : it is too bad i can 't call an Environmentalist to come & lock them up . Sounds like you need to have a scarecrow sprinkler for your neighbor . Watch it hose him while he is trying to light up . Maybe he could use a shower too : 0 ) Amanda says July 11 , 2010 at 7 : 00 am I 'm having a similar problem … I live in a townhouse , with no yard but a small patch of grass , right in front of where I park my car . Every Sunday , the woman next door has her daughter visit . Her daughter has a very loud , annoying dog that continuously barks for no reason . . so I know every time it is outside … I 've watched , on many occasions , her daughter ( who is in her 30s and should know better ) come outside with a leash and purposefully bring it over to where I park my car , so it can poop . I wouldn 't care , if i didn 't have to walk through it every day to reach my car . My husband comes home from work at night , and has stepped in the poop . I have asked her to take the dog somewhere else , or at the very least , clean it up , but of course , it hasn 't stopped the problem . I 'm fed up . . is it acceptable to call the police at this point ? verne says July 22 , 2010 at 6 : 21 pm People who let their dogs go and not clean it up are pyscopathic anti - social bastards who hold animals in a higher regard than humans . I heard a story from a friend who had the problem . He put the poop in a baggie and duct taped it around the dogs neck like a necklace . It never happened again . Susan says September 11 , 2010 at 5 : 44 pm I don 't usually post comments on these types of sites , but I was so angered at reading what " Ethan " posted on March 22 & April 18 , 2010 , that I felt I had to reply . It 's people like him that cause the rest of us to have continuing problems with neighbor 's pets , etc . He 's one of those idiots . I don 't " troll " at my window looking for trouble . My husband and I built our home on 2 acres out in the county in 2004 , mainly to get out of a crowded subdivision in town . Houses are supposed to be on a min . of 1 - 1 / 2 acres out here . A builder bought the 2 - 1 / 4 acres next to us , greased some palms , and built his daughters two homes . One of the home 's driveway is only 10 ′ from our property line . The girl living there had 2 huge dogs that she trained to stay inside an invisible fence . They barked incessantly ; she wasn 't very friendly , so I never confronted her and tried to ignore it . She got rid of those dogs , is now living with a guy who has 4 loud barking dogs , one of which is a German Shepard / Chow mix . None of them stay in the yard . One day their beagle was in the upper waterfall pool of my koi pond . It has run into my yard numerous times . But today the shepard mix attacked my elderly cat on our front porch . When I ran out to stop him , he snarled and barked at me . He then ran to my back yard and when I went out on the driveway to see where he was going he crouched in attack position . At that time the guy next door called another dog who was barking at me from the lot line . The shepard then ran back to his yard . I hollered to the guy asking if that was his dog and that it had just attacked my cat and started to go after me . All he said was , " I apologize . It seems that the shock collar isn 't working . " Oh , you think ? Then he just went back inside . No asking if I was ok or if my cat was hurt . Our lot line is 400 ′ long . I can 't afford a fence . I shouldn 't have to go in debt to fence in a 200 x 400 ′ piece of property because I have ignorant oblivious neigReply Kim says September 12 , 2010 at 6 : 41 am I earlier suggested the use of a sensor sprinkler , but you obviously have a bigger problem than poop . First , I would call the police , today , and let them know what is going on and that you and your family are in danger and afraid of being attacked . Do this so that law enforcement has this on record . The police are going to come out take a report and pay a visit to your neighbor . I would try to keep the cat in the house until you get this problem resolved . The second time that you see the dog in your yard , I would call the police immediately so that they can get there in time to witness the dog in your yard . When I called the police on my neighbor , her dogs were out and threatened the police man . He had to call the owner so that he could get out of his car . If you have called the police and they have been out a few times to speak with your neighbor and the dog is still loose ……… Don 't wait for it to attack your child . Susan says September 12 , 2010 at 9 : 03 pm Kim , there 's no way I 'm letting my cat outside ; besides I don 't think he wants to go outside at this point . If he hears any dog barking he looks terrified , poor thing . It 's pretty bad when your cat can 't go out in his own yard without being attacked by a rogue dog . He always stays right around the perimeter of the house and never travels any further unless one of us are outside with him . Last night I had to go into town . When I got back it was really dark . I got out of my car and that shepard mix dog started barking at me in the dark at the edge of his yard . They actually let him out and no one was out there watching him ! My hair stood up on my arms and I rushed inside . Today they all must have been gone because it was pretty quiet over there . I 'm hoping they realize what trouble they could be in if the dog ever actually hurt someone and maybe they 'll get rid of him . But that 's probably wishful thinking 🙁 Anyway , thanks for your advice . I will for sure call the police if I see him out barking in my yard again . The law around here seems to be pretty complacent about stuff like this unless someone actually gets hurt ( I live in southwest Virginia ) . Even in domestic disputes they don 't do much anything unless one spouse decks the other or shoots him / her . They say they can 't do anything if there 's no proof or no one is hurt . My husband is a long haul truck driver and is gone a lot , but he said as soon as he gets home he 's going to talk to the guy . But I now have my camera ready to take photos for proof when the dog comes back in my yard . I 'll just put it on zoom ! Kim says September 13 , 2010 at 5 : 37 am Susan , I would call the police anyway so that they have a complaint on file . ( Now I am going to be blunt ) Then I would get a 9mm . VA is an open carry state . Check the laws as to whether or not you can carry in your car . If not , get your ccw . You need to be able to protect yourself while you are getting in and out of your car . I would recommend this anyway if you are alone much of the time . You cannot live in fear or let this dog run your life . Kelly says December 28 , 2010 at 9 : 06 pm I 'm going to try something new with regard to dealing with my neighbor and this very issue . I have read through all of these posts and have tried some of these tactics to no avail . I own two dogs myself and firmly believe it is the owner 's full responsibility to ensure his / her pet is not a nuisance or threat to anyone - no excuses ! We rent our home in a nice neighborhood . Everyone seems very conscientious except the neighbor to one side , who on a daily basis allows her small dog to come over and pee and poop all over our front yard . She watches from her porch and is well aware of what her dog does everyday . Of course she never cleans up . For months I have done the neighborly thing and picked up the messes and properly disposed of them . I know she 's seen me do this , pointing the problem out to her was useless . I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old who play in our yard - so it is a serious hygiene issue as well ( pinworms , anyone ? ) . Also , it is very obvious that all of the poop in our yard is from the same small dog ( not to mention I see the dog doing it 's business and have tried to shoo it away with the neighbor right there watching ) . Since the neighbor does not seem to care , I finally had enough and picked up several droppings and left them in a pile on her driveway ( all dry little pellets , nothing messy ) . A week later our yard is covered with droppings again - obviously she didn 't get the point and continued to let her dog over in our yard . Again , I left an even larger pile on her driveway ( the dog goes about 2x or 3x in our yard a day and amounts to a lot of poop ) . This latest pile in her driveway resulted in her screaming at me ( and me offering her a few choice words for her about responsible dog ownership ) . She told me she will call the police if I do it again ( I said good luck telling the police that your neighbor returned your own dog 's poop from your unleashed dog that you allowed to roam all over another 's property ) . I did not want to call the police or animal control because I thought that would only make things worse and create unnecessary drama in an otherwise nice and quiet suburban neighborhood . We 're renting , so fences , sprinklers , etc are not an option nor would they work with the way our front yard is set up . Back yards are already fenced . In addition , they keep two large dogs in their backyard that bark incessently at all hours . She can 't put the little dog back there because one of the big dogs killed her last small dog . Clearly , not well - trained pets . Other neighbors have complained to me about how they can hear the neighbor 's dogs barking at all hours . No one wants to make waves in this neighborhood , so people tend to put up with the hassle , but it 's obvious that this woman and her dogs are making a nuisance of themselves . So , what I intend to do now is send , via certified mail , a formal letter to the neighbor detailing and documenting the problems with her dogs and attaching to the letter the appropriate city ordinance about pet noise and sanitation requirements . This may sound pointless , but it puts her on formal notice of what she is doing and it serves as documentation for me if , as a last resort , this needs to go to another level . Our city ordinance states that if a dog is left unrestrained and found on another 's property , then it will be impounded . I 've found in my professional experience that this method tends to wake folks up and make them realize that the issue is being taken very seriously and preparations are being made to take further action . It also prevents them from claiming ignorance if authorities get involved - you 've got documented communication . It is my hope that this method will prevent the situation from escalating , avoid dragging the other neighbors into the drama and serve to encourage this pet owner to " take ownership " of his / her responsibilities instead of turning it around on those unfortunate enough to live around her . Kim says January 3 , 2011 at 9 : 10 am @ Kelly , We also rent and will have the opportunity to buy this year , but I think that we are going to move . I have called the police a hundred times , they have been out a hundred times , nothing changes . Now that it is too cold for the sprinkler , it is business as usual , literally , and the dog that lives behind and to the left of us barks until 11 PM and then starts again at 6 AM . @ Joh , great idea . I live in a large house that is divided into 3 apartments . The lady below me has a very aggressive German Sheppard that will not stop barking ! He barks all day and all night long ! Also , the way the house is set up , it states in the lease that I have the back patio , and the lady below me has the front porch . This lady piles her junk on her porch and REFUSES to stay the hell off my patio ! She allows to let her dog run free out there without a leash … nor is the area fenced in . This dog has chased me back inside my door several times . He ran at me barking , hair standing up and showing teeth . The owner makes no effort to control the dog . It 's obvious that she is proud of her aggressive dog . I guess he makes her feel safe . The mail carriers are now complaining about her dog . They are afraid of being attacked . There have also been times when I was walking my dogs , and the lady below me allowed her dog to pull his leash out of her hand … he nearly attacked my ( smaller dogs ) , but I was able to give the sheppard a kick to the face . I hated to do that because I love animals , but this dog is very out of control ! After 9 months of dealing with this , and asking her politely to control her dog , I had no choice but to call animal control . The day after animal control talked to her , she started letting her dog poop on my patio , right beside the driver 's side of my car , and even right next to my apartment door ! Her dog has even gotten worse with the barking . I called animal control again tonight , because she is clearly now doing this on purpose . An actual officer was sent out this time . I don 't know what will come of it . Any suggestions ? It sounds like you 're renting . Have you contacted your landlord ? I had a similar situation years ago with a tenant below me and their dogs - I ended up having a basis to break the lease because there was no improvement in the situation ( there were some other issues with the apartment , too ) . Perhaps your landlord would be willing to threaten to evict the tenant because she persistently breaks the law by failing to clean up after her dog , allowing it to run loose , its an aggressive animal , noise nuisance ( most cities have an ordinance about these ) . Usually leases require that the tenant abide by governing laws ( city , state , etc . ) . At the very lease , you 'll have a right to break your lease as the property can be deemed uninabitable because of these violations . I think this tactic is more effective when you live in the same building as the offending neighbor . Regarding my post above , I actually saw my neighbor with a plastic bag this week and she was cleaning up ! She knows I 've documented what she does and she thinks I have video of her dog doing its business on our yard ( I don 't , but she doesn 't seem to want to call my bluff ) . She initially denied it was her dog , but now seems to have changed her mind . So far , so good . You might try this with your neighbor - but if she doesn 't care , then it might not work . JC says January 8 , 2011 at 2 : 52 pm Thanks , Kelly . Yes , I am renting and I really like it here . The landlord allows all three tenants here to make this place feel like our home . But we each have our own areas … and the lady below me insists on using my patio . She won 't stay off it . Her , her rude friends , and her aggressive dog are simply taking over my area . I 've put so much time and money into my back yard and patio for the past 3 years , just to have it taken over by this lady that moved in less than a year ago . Her junk and trash is left lying around , along with her dog poop , her friends cigarette butts , etc . Sorry to vent , but I feel like a prisoner in my own home , and I just can 't seem to get any results . Every time I walk out my door , I have to worry about me and my dogs being attacked by a German Sheppard . I have talked to the landlord and he says he is going to evict her . Apparently she 's been a lot more of a problem than I realized . But my landlord is a big softy and what he says he 's going to do is different than what he actually will do . I would NEVER want to see someone evicted , but at this point … good riddance ! JC says January 8 , 2011 at 3 : 06 pm Kelly , I read your situation and that behavior from your neighbor is unacceptable ! At this point , I would not feel bad about calling animal control if I were you . That 's going too far on your neighbor 's part . Being a pet owner comes with responsibility . Some people should not be allowed to have pets . I understand how some want to take the " nice approach " , but if that doesn 't work after the first 10 or 12 times , then it 's time to get serious . It should only take ONE time of asking a pet owner to clean up after or control their dog 's barking . Most just don 't care . But when the big , white animal control truck pulls into their driveway … they will change their tune . kirk says March 17 , 2011 at 6 : 28 am I had the same problem at my grandmother 's house . Told the wife and husband to many times . The whether broke so the kids went out to play . Well they found it ( head first ) . I got mad and put it on the Hood of there car . Not the smartest thing to do , but they got the point . The cops came and said I could get arrested for it . Good news dog wont go on my grandmother 's lawn again . Laurie says July 22 , 2011 at 11 : 03 am I have a pekingese and I always pick up after his shit . Now a nieghbor has made a complaint to the rental office stating that Hercules shit in their yard . I started taking the bags to the office to prove that I always pick up after my dog . I should say that the complaint comes with a $ 25 dollar fine and I can 't know the identity of the complaintant . Now they are threatening eviction if I bring the bags to the office so I 'll stop . I 'm just pissed . If the complaintant is who I think the nieghbor has a pappillion that goes out without a leash . They are the same size and coloring and I have seen Bear running free on numerous occasions , but no one believes me . Any ideas ? A while back I set out live traps [ on two separate occasions ] . Both time the trap had been sprung and the dogs were no where to be seen . Then , yesterday , I found poo in the fenced part of the yard - the fence was still shut , which indicates to me that the owner is letting the dog into the fenced yard and then closing the fence after the damage was done . Todd says September 9 , 2011 at 1 : 48 pm Had similar problem with a lady in our condo community . After numerous verbal warnings and letters , she would still not pick up from our yards . So , I went one very late Friday evening wearing rubber gloves and scooped up about five or six big piles of her dog 's waste . I then deposited them right on the door mat in front of her door . Early Saturday morning her kids ran out the door and stepped right in it , tracking it across her entryway deck . That was the very LAST time she ever failed to pick up after her dog . Kate says September 15 , 2011 at 7 : 58 am I have two large dogs and a fenced in yard . I clean up after them and would never let them doo in another persons yard . My neighbors on the other hand , will walk out their back gate and straight over to the grassy area between my fence and the road to give their two large dogs a " potty " break . I have been saving my used coffee grounds And plan on putting it out on the grass . I read that they won 't like the smell and will want to find somewhere else to go . Unfortunately their are too many people in the world that can 't handle a civil confrontation and my neighbors did resort to retaliation . I like the water sprinkler idea especially because the dog owners would probably get hosed as well . Their are solutions that won 't involve hurting the animal because they don 't ask for inconsiderate owners . Be creative ! Cobra says September 16 , 2011 at 10 : 10 pm Man all this info has been helpful . My neighbors rent a mother - in - law apt , and we have a 5 year old girl . Over the past 5 years I have landscaped our yards together . Hindsight - not a good idea . Well 200 sq ft of rock wall later , their latest tenent decided to bring home a boxer . The apt is really small , like 600 - 700 sq ft . So they decided to " let that dog run " . Sharing the space had worked in the past , I had built a garden , and shady spot under a their magnolia - which was covered with blackberries and ivy … Now I did not understand quite why but I did not like them constently letting the dog out unattended . It would venture into my yard and was killing the grass via urine . And even ate my blackberry while I tried to tak to it 's owner . Not to mention it was against the law . I talked to the owner and they made " concessions " by not letting the dog in certain areas . I thought that would fix things for me , but it did not . I then asked them to put up a fence . You would have thought I attacked them personally , both the tenent and owners wife attacked me with vicious rederick . And said that they did not want a fence . I finally asked the tennent to stop accessing their apt via my property and told the neighbor that we had to seperate the yard somehow . There are several levels of terrace ( 200 sq ft on theier side ) I have built over the years - so I guess I 'm out a bunch of materials and time and just landscaped and maintained the neighbors yard for the last 5 years . Funny thing is they claim I am the a & & Hole . What do you think ? Tanya says September 28 , 2011 at 12 : 24 pm I am glad that I found this webpage , it was really interesting to read and enlightening . I own a dog , a very small female pom / poo mix . I walk her every day , 3 times a day . I live in an apartment building that is pet friendly but I don 't have my own yard , so I need to exercise her . The first walk I take her on is usually early in the morning , and I start off by having her pee in my apartments yard , and then we continue our walk as she will normally not poop right away no matter how hard I try to get her to . I carry poop bags with me all the time , one tied to the leash in plain sight , and an extra in my pocket . I walk on the sidewalks , I don 't trespass onto people 's lawn 's , but sometimes Bailey will and I will pull her back so she is off the grass . Anything she leaves behind I pick up , EVERY TIME , but I still find that I get treated very rudely by property owners as soon as they see me close to their property or her sniffing near the grass . I feel I have every right to walk anywhere I want on the street , and I will continue to do so . I know what trespassing is and I do not step onto other people 's properties and purposely let my dog empty herself and then purposely leave the mess there , never , always pick it up . I can also totally understand how frustrating it is when people don 't pick up after their dogs , it frustrates me as well having to dodge it just walking down the sidewalk ! But what I don 't appreciate , is being blamed for something someone else did ! I hate how the irresponsible are ruining it for the responsible and make neighbours so angry at ANY dog owner now . Just last night I was on the sidewalk walking past an apartment building near my house , and Bailey was walking along a small strip of grass right against the sidewalk . A woman who lived in this building walked past me and accused me of letting her crap on the grass , when she hadn 't even done anything yet , and I was standing there with the bag in my hand . Where am I supposed to walk anymore ? I have every right to walk down ANY sidewalk I want to don 't I ? I pick up after her , I am responsible , and I don 't want to be talked rudely to because of other irresponsible people . I am just wondering what you guys think . People walk past every day and throw their trash all over the lawn at the building where I live , that isn 't okay either , and they also walk onto the lawn , let their dogs crap , and DON ' T pick up up . Who suffers ? The tenants who live here do and get punished for again , someone elses fault . While we were there lots of kids enjoyed watching a seal pup sun himself while seperated from its mother . While watching the pup everyone was instructed to keep their distance in case the mother came back . When up walked a small unleashed palmerainian - the owner did not listen to the adults or children asking to keep the dog away from the pup , instead she used this time as a photo op . Finally she decided to pick up her dog and then started helling at one of the adults . I 'm sure everyone was suprised to hear f - this and f U comming from an older gal at the beach . Finally she asked if we were the beach police . I told her I 'd be the beach police and told her having a dog unleashed is illegal , and having a dog on the beach is illegall . She then told me I was a wife beater , and that i should go home and JO . All this in front of a bunch of kids . If you dont have a dog then you could take their dogs crap or yours put on a glove and squeeze around their cars door handles … Surprise ! They will not eat anything with their hands for a month and when they finnaly do it will be in the back of their mind . I got tired of picking up my dogs mess in my fenced back yard , only to step in someone elses in my front yard . Merrill says October 30 , 2011 at 2 : 19 pm I think dog owners need to be more conscious of where they let their dog do their business . Keep off my property ! Have them do it on your own property ! please . Thanks . My grass is dying and I am trying to revive it . I take it personally that you dog owners allow for your dog to do their business on MY LAWN ! TAKE THE MUTT SOMEWHERE ELSE LIKE A DOG PARK ! DO NOT LET IT DO IT ' S BUSINESS ON THE SIDEWALK OR IN THE STREET WHERE SOMEONE ELSE WILL STEP IN IT OR DRIVE OVER IT . THAT IS F ' ING SELFISH ~ Greg says April 14 , 2012 at 5 : 33 pm Oh boy , dog issues , I have them also . I live on a corner with sidewalks , in the couple years I have lived here , I have caught 2 people leaving their mess for me to pick up . Decided recently to confront them . 1st one , neighbor across the street , multiple complaints from other neighbors about their dogs . They roam free , no leash , no nothing . To say he was pissed that I would accuse his dogs is an understatement , he states they NEVER poop in my yard , NEVER cross the street . He must have a closed head injury or something because I delivered a bag of his dogs poo right to him last summer , his wife once saw it and came across and cleaned it … . . NEVER …… really ? Animal control will now be called each time I see those dogs on my yard . The crazy lady was evicted . The night she was moving out , I came home from work and she had blocked my driveway with her moving van . Ok … I let it slide . But when I got to my door , I immediately realized she had cut the lock to my gate with bolt cutters and had broken a couple of my flower pots while she was using my patio to move her stuff out . That was enough ! I called the police over her damaging my property AGAIN . When the officer arrived , crazy lady and her friends were on the front porch with her dog . As usual , no leash . The officer got out of the car and the dog attacked him . ( Little did I know , the dog had attacked a cop in the past and was tazed . ) This time the dog would not be so lucky . This officer shot and killed the dog . I blame this all on the owner . That crazy bitch should have done a better job of raising that dog . But she liked the fact that it was aggressive . The cop should 've shot her … Dorothy says May 6 , 2012 at 11 : 52 pm A person who would let their dog poop on a neighbor 's lawn is definitely low class . But so is a person who would call a woman a " crazy bit - . " If you want others to act better , JC , begin by acting better yourself . tz says May 7 , 2012 at 12 : 15 am seriously ? maybe you should take the high road . You have no idea what this person has experienced ? Or have you via the opposite fence ? Stop pointing fingers . Dorothy says May 7 , 2012 at 12 : 10 pm Every morning very early , my neighbor opens his door and lets his dog out to run up to our yard to poop ( we have a flag lot above his home ) . Even when I worked two jobs and went to college , I had to come home and pick up poop . Enfuriating , yes . But I certainly won 't use his behaviour as an excuse to be verbally abusive . All I am saying is better behaviour has to start somewhere . Be an example to these people , don 't join them in low behaviour . cobra / troy z / tz says May 8 , 2012 at 12 : 04 am Dorothy , I 'm simply saying " these people " should not own pets if they don 't want to take care of them . Which in my world , would include cleaning up after them . These pets are a true reflection of their owner . Careless and ruthless . In my opinion these pets are being abused . This however , is not the way the owner sees things . There take is that you are the one with the problem . Owners of these pets believe that you hate their dog or them , for some reason . I spent the last seven years reconstructing my yard and my neighbors yard , while letting them use my property to access their mother - in - law apartment . Then their currrent tenant decided to use the space to " let their dog run " - ( go to the bathroom - unattended ) I 'm now in the process of cutting them off . Which is at my expense . Relandscaping is not cheap . Everything I have done is now being re - done . After all , the only thing I asked them to do is watch there dog . Previously , their tenant had cats , which were great … Until one got ran over and I had to deal with a half way dead cat . ( it got ran over and did not die ) . In retrospect , I should have been the one to build only on my property and should have not listenened to the landlords " What mine is yours " comments . But I was just being a good neighbor - like you . Perhaps the comments we read are only from people who love pets , and are just tired of seeing them abused . I also think you 're being MUCH too optimistic . " Be an example to these people " ? I 'm not sure all bad neighbours are able or willing to follow your example when you strive to behave correctly , and I speak from experience . Dorothy says May 8 , 2012 at 8 : 19 am Yes , of course I have asked them not to use my yard as their own personal dog toilet . All I am saying is that there is never an excuse / reason / justification for calling anyone a " crazy bit - " or anything else so vulgar . You lose my sympathy when you start talking like some foul - mouthed rapper ! Susan says May 8 , 2012 at 12 : 01 pm Believe me , bitch is the nicest of the names the person who owns a vicious dog would be called by me . I originally posted here in Sept . 2010 about a problem with my next door neighbors letting their dogs run free , and that one of them is an aggressive shepard mix who attacked my cat on MY front porch . These dogs do get loose from time to time , but fortunately I have not had a problem with them recently . They are my neighbors to the left of us . My problem now is with neighbors two houses over to the right of me . A couple who are divorcing lived there . The woman is still there and pays absolutely no attention to her two dogs since she and her husband split up , maybe because she has two small children and a young teenager . The woman lets her Bassett hound and border collie mix run loose . She has been fined TWICE for letting those dogs run free ! ( I wasn 't the one who reported her , though ) . The Bassett hound is sweet and I feel so sorry for him because most of the time he depends on handouts from neighbors in order to eat . He 's a big baby and my cat ( the one who was attacked by the next door neighbor 's dog ) will chase him out of the yard , with the dog howling as he runs . It 's so funny ! But it 's not funny at all concerning the collie mix . He 's even nastier than the shepard mix next door . Last summer he ran in my front yard and snarled and barked at me while I was cleaning my pond and I was afraid to move until my husband ran out and chased him away with a rake . I have no idea how long I would have been stuck there if he hadn 't been home . They both poop all over our front and back yard . Since I posted in 2010 my granddaughter was born in Feb . 2011 and stays with me several days and a couple of nights each week . I was carrying her out to my car a couple of months ago and the collie mix was standing to the side of the driveway , between some bushes , snarling at me . My husband was not home at the time and I was terrified he would run at me , and here I am holding a baby . I yelled at him and he backed off some so I was able to put the baby in her carseat . It was not long after that my next door neighbor to my right said the owner had been fined . I didn 't see the dogs for awhile , but recently they have been seen running around again . My granddaughter is 15 months old and we want to put up a swing set for her , but it 's kind of a worry that the dog will show up again . Not to mention having to check the yard for poop every time I take her out to play . The divorcing couple have their house up for sale , but they 're asking such a high price for what it 's worth that it may be on the market for a long time . If that frigging dog had attacked me while I was holding the baby , or ever comes near her , all my good upraising will go out the window because when I get through with that woman who owns that dog , she will wish she had never moved to this road ! And believe me , after being married to a truck driver for nearly 25 years , I have heard every swear word out there , and then some ! Nobody can intimidate me anymore ! BTW , unless the dog attacks , the police around here just leave it up to animal control to take care of the problem . And then animal control just leaves if the dog has left the person 's yard who called in the complaint . So , unless one wants to take the responsibility of shooting the dog to get rid of the problem , then we just have to live with it . JC says May 8 , 2012 at 3 : 59 pm Dorothy … this woman did alot more to me than I care to tell you about . Karma got her and that 's that . As far as me calling her a bitch … well if she don 't want the name , she shouldn 't play the game . So keep your holier than thou comments to yourself before I call you a bitch . Dorothy says May 8 , 2012 at 4 : 42 pm To JC , the only thing we can ever truly control is ourselves . Another 's behaviour , no matter how bad , need never cause us to lose self control unless we let it . You can call me any foul name you like , but that will be a reflection of who you are not who I am . To everyone else , frequently trying to solve a problem at the level of the problem only creates another problem . At first I allowed myself to get sucked into the terrible cycle of reacting to my neighbor and the poop problem . Nothing worked . And ego victories are always hollow and short lived . Eventually , I had to go higher . I would meditate and try to get as peaceful as possible , even " talk " to the neighbor in question in my mind , as well as talking to God / Higher Power , asking the Holy Spirit to intervene , etc . I 'm not a religious person , but I do believe in turning over a problem to a Higher Authority if it seems impossible to solve . I also believe in intuition , and intuition does not work if we are all riled up . Only very recently have things improved . Staying peaceful and dignified in difficult circumstances is not to be " holier than thou . " It IS to not let the other party win . Once they have you acting like a foul mouthed out of control angry jerk , they 've won ! Don 't let them win . Use this as an opportunity for personal growth and empowerment . It takes maturity and strength to stay cool when provoked . Any two year old can throw a fit when things don 't go the way they want . And where does it stop ? I used to go nuts when I saw people throwing cigarettes out the car window . Just like people who think the world is their dog 's personal toilet , others think it is their own personal ash tray ! And there are the people who think the world is their own personal spitoon ! You can be angry forever . Where will that get you ? Probably in the hospital with hypertension , high blood pressure , and so forth . They are not worth it ! Pray for them to evolve and pray for patience or yourself . Good luck . JC says May 8 , 2012 at 6 : 19 pm Dorothy please … take a joke honey . There is no problem . The crazy bitch was evicted and her evil shepard was killed by the cop . I hated to see the dog die , but the CRAZY BITCH had TRAINED the dog to be like that . She wouldn 't use a leash , animal control was on her case every week , the dog bit a total of 19 people over the past 4 years … this is not ok ! ! If I tried reasoning with her , she would go nuts , cuss me out , break my bird feeders / flowers pots / gate locks , etc . , while I was at work . No joke … this was all documented by the police . The dog even once tried to attack my little 16 year old dog . A stiff kick to the chin solved that problem ! I 'll be damned if my elderly dog is gonna be attacked at 16 years old . I would have ripped into the shepard with my own teeth ! So Dorothy , you can go ahead and judge me and say I 'm low class by calling names … but that lady put me through hell for over a year and she deserved any name she got . So you can have your opinion about me and pass judgement little hypocrite … I don 't give a EF YOU SEE KAY ! 🙂 Susan says May 8 , 2012 at 11 : 11 pm Dorothy , so you 're saying you would stay " peaceful and dignified " if you were holding your baby grandchild and a nasty dog jumped up on you and bit the baby ? You wouldn 't yell or at least act angry towards the owner , all the while holding a screaming baby with its leg or another body part ripped open ? You would just go inside and pray to God to keep your cool ? Unless you are completely cold and heartless I can 't see how you could deal with something like that rationally . And I have never confronted my neighbors about their dogs ; the one time I did say anything I just said his dog had chased my cat up onto my front porch and tried to attack him and then he turned on me when I tried to run him off the porch . I didn 't get all " riled up " or cuss the neighbor . The other neighbor has been fined more than once and doesn 't care . Her dogs should be removed if she can 't take proper care of them . The nasty one who confronted me while I was holding the baby chases cars regularly and it 's a wonder he hasn 't been run over yet . How would you like to walk to your car , baby or no baby , and be startled by a snarling dog ? Dorothy says May 9 , 2012 at 12 : 17 pm Don 't be ridiculous . Of course if attacked one has to be in the moment and do what you have to do to protect yourself and your loved ones . But you were not attacked . The dog snarled at you . It didn 't rip you or your baby apart . We were talking about poop on the lawn . Keep things in perspective . What is fanatical is to blow everything up out of proportion and make a mountain out of a mole hill . Deal with what is , not what might be . And deal with it in a sane , sensible way not a vulgar , name calling , excuse for drama sort of way . And , in my experience , where I couldn 't solve things prayer helped . That 's all . Susan says May 10 , 2012 at 1 : 16 am JC , I 'm about to agree with you about Dorothy . And she just doesn 't get the point . She says I 'm not keeping things in perspective because dogs pooping on lawns was the discussion . I did mention the poop all over my yard that those dogs left . That was just part of the problem . The point I was making evidently didn 't register . How was I making a mountain out of a molehill ? The damn dog got up in my face twice , in my yard ! I 'm sure you understand what I was getting at since you had to deal with so much crap ( no pun intended ) from your crazy neighbor . I really feel for you because my son had to deal with a crazy neighbor also , who for no reason , walked up to his new car and smashed in all his windows . The judge dismissed the charges against her because he said she was mentally incompetent and therefore not responsible for her actions ! My son had to pay $ 500 out of pocket to replace the windows because that was what his deductible was . Talk about lopsided justice ! And I never confronted my neighbor and cussed her out . Dorothy brings that up , also . I just said I would probably do more than cuss her out if her dog had bitten the baby , but in reality , I would be too distraught to do anything but save her . Maybe if something like that , which is much more serious than people dumping their ashtrays out of their car windows , had happened to Dorothy she would be singing a different song . She should go thump her bible at a Pentacostal tent revival , not on a message board about dogs pooping in people 's yards . JC says May 10 , 2012 at 7 : 32 pm WHOA ! If I were your son , I would have a " mental moment " and kick her ass ! Damaging someone 's property is so cowardly and lame . Well , my new neighbors have two nice Boxers , but the neighbors are drug dealers . Pretty sure they have a meth lab . It stinks . I think I should just move lol . Susan says May 11 , 2012 at 12 : 56 am JC , I had said I was through here , but I had to comment on your bad luck with neighbors . If it were me I would move because meth labs have been known to blow up and kill people . I saw a tv news report where a burned - out trailer was torn down and carted off and the property was more or less condemned because they said the chemicals from meth stay in the ground for years and even get in the groundwater ! I can 't believe people put this junk in their bodies . Several years ago , in a town about 40 miles up the interstate from where I live , some drug dealers were cooking meth in a motel , of all places , and blew up the room . It caused several rooms to burn down and that section of the motel had to be torn down permanently . No one was killed by some miracle . Susan says May 10 , 2012 at 1 : 28 am Now , that is irrational ! Where do you get off saying JC will call any woman a bitch ( yes , I spelled it out ) , who doesn 't agree with him ? I completely understand what he went through with this insane neighbor and the anguish he must have felt when that nasty dog attacked his elderly dog because my neighbor 's dog tried to attack my elderly cat right on my front porch ! You judge him , yet talk about praying to God and acting Christian . What you 're doing smacks of hypocrisy to me . I 've had my say about my situation , so I 'm through here . Dorothy says May 11 , 2012 at 12 : 23 am Wow ! I 've never actually read the Bible . The Course in Miracles and a number of other spiritual works have been helpful . My husband of 25 years found your comments interesting ( he is still laughing as I write ) ! What happened to you to be so disrespectful towards women ? Very sad . I 'll say a prayer that you find some peace . Good luck to you in getting past this sense of being so wronged . This was a site about finding creative ways to deal with the dog poop issue . Not about viscious dogs , and personal vendettas , etc . I offered here what I found helpful - pulling back from the tit for a tat stuff and seeking some higher help . Susan says May 11 , 2012 at 1 : 34 am Dorothy , if you look through all these posts , you 'll see several where the issue of vicious dogs has come up , and also what you refer to as personal vendettas . Seeking a higher help or meditating will not make dog poop all over your yard go away or solve the problem of lazy animal control officials who don 't care enough to try to help with the problem of roving dogs destroying other people 's property . Sure , it may help one relax , that is until that person walks out in his / her yard and steps in a stinking pile of dog mess . And I find it sad that your husband of 25 years would think nasty dogs attacking people would be so amusing that he was laughing as you were writing your last comment , whether he was laughing at JC 's problem or mine . I 'm glad I 'm not your neighbor . I just try to keep to myself , take care of my family , and take pride in my yard , landscaping , and koi pond . I don 't look for trouble and don 't want it looking for me . Since I don 't own any dogs I shouldn 't have other people 's nasty dog poop in my yard . This has nothing to do with " a sense of being so wronged . " This is not a sense , it is a reality . I don 't " imagine " the piles of dog mess in my yard or the nasty border collie running rampant in my neighborhood that authorities don 't care enough about to catch and lock up . Short of spending thousands of dollars to enclose our 200 x 400 two acre property , there 's nothing we can do but grit our teeth and deal with it . I 've had several evergreen trees severely stunted by male dogs spraying them in the past ( I caught them in the act ) , but there 's nothing I can do about it because we can 't afford the fencing . You remarked I was blowing things out of proportion because I was upset that the dog simply snarled at me and didn 't actually attack . That 's a completely irrational statement on your part . I was very scared and the next time I could very well be bitten . I could have my granddaughter out playing in our yard and the dog show up and this time actually attack . Meditating will not make the dog not show up again . But fear that the dog will attack next time does prevent me from taking her any further than my back or front porches . I could just buy a pistol and shoot it next time it comes in my yard , but I don 't like the thought of having a gun in a house with a small child in it . You 're right , Susan . I really need to look into moving . Speaking of terrible dog owners … there were 3 arrests made yesterday at the house across the street . They had 2 pitbulls that were being used in dog fights . This town is so classy … Same Problem says May 20 , 2012 at 4 : 47 pm I have been having the same issue with a man who lives up the street . He let 's his dog crap whereever he feels like and refuses to pick it up . I finally took it to the next level . I filed a formal complaint with my local police department . They are obligated to respond if the incident is reported as a trespass . Once the formal complaint is documented , you can file a lawsuit under a trespass to land theory and private nuisance theory . This is in addition to any ordinance in your area regulating dogs . For me it 's relatively easy as I am an attorney and I 'm in court frequently ; so this costs me relatively nothing and it forces the offender to take a day out of work , retain counsel and defend . They get the hint after they are forced to retain legal counsel . I also have cameras on my property so the case is a slam dunk . Also , do not think that you are the only people with this issue in your area . As soon as I began taking action , neighbors were willing to testify , sign affidavits , etc . , regarding the same individual and the same conduct . Same Problem says May 20 , 2012 at 5 : 10 pm I also want to make clear that I wasn 't looking to give this guy a hard time . When it first happened I told him that I couldn 't care less if his dog went to the bathroom on my law ( I have two dogs of my own ) , just have the common courtesy to clean it up . But he just ignored my request . Also , it 's not difficult to establish damages if you 're creative . Doggy Dan says September 10 , 2012 at 8 : 02 pm I have dogs . They poop in my back yard and nowhere else . Not even on the road on walks . I don 't allow them to go in my front yard and don 't want others to either . i don 't even want them to poop there if they pick it up ! I 've told a few dog owners this . I told them I do not allow my dogs to go on their lawns and I expect the same respect from them . As an experienced dog shit picker upper I know it all doesn 't always get picked up . My kids play in the front yard and I don 't want them to step in or lay down on dog shit . I only had an issue with one asshole who did not like my request . He continued to let his dog go on my lawn every now and then . First , I picked it up , put it in a bag and handed it to him at his door . He thought I was nuts . I made myself very clear that I don 't want his dog going on my lawn and left . A few weeks later I saw him allowing his dog go on my lawn . Right where my kids play football . I lost it ! I went out and picked it up , with a poop bag and offered it to him . He laughed . I promptly smashed it all over the top of his head . Seriously . He , and no one else , has allowed their dog to shit on my lawn since . I 'm 57 and he 's about 25 or so . Age didn 't matter . I was defending my property and I think this guy finally understood that point . All you jerks telling people to put up a fence or schrubs or WHATEVER are cowards . These inconsiderate a - holes who disrespect people 's property need to be taught a lesson . Let bullies act like bullies and they will never stop . Jody says September 18 , 2012 at 12 : 36 pm These stories are all so familiar . I have a wooden fence between my neighbor and myself . I had two dogs that were escape artists , any time they got loose I immediately made necessary changes to resolve the issue . They didn 't poop in others yards just ran through them before coming back home . I finally put up dog runs to contain them , problem solved . Now i 'm on the other end of the issue . My rental neighbor got a lab that is mean as hell and will try to bite you through the fence , gate or whatever . They decided to let her have puppies and kept two of them . three labs now in a rental house . They tore two holes in the wooden fence to get into my yard . I fixed the holes and asked the neighbor to control the dogs in a nice manner as we usually get along . he said ok but did nothing . The dogs tore two more holes in the fence , jumped on the hood of my car to escaps as it was in their way . They scratched up the side of the car and the hood . I informed my neighbor again and let the paint scratches ride . again he said ok and threw a board on the ground in front of a hole and an ice chest in front of the other . Yesterday they tore two more holes in the fence , trampled my grandkids pool , attacked my cat in my yard , stole the food dish and acted like they were going to bite me before leaving my yard . What did I get ? f * * king dogs , whatever , i 'll do something but i 'm having a bad day already so f * * k off . the fence is yours so it 's your problem not mine . what did he do ? NOTHING . Next episode will be calls to police , animal control and his landlord followed by registered letters informing them of the coming estimates to fix my cars ( 3 scratched vehicles now ) and the estimate to fix the fence . not to mention un - licensed dogs . I asked him if he really wanted this to turn into a neighbor war and got a whatever again . Mind you , I got the cussing screaming ream job for his animals and I was the one just asking him to control the dogs . I guess it 's time to play some hardball . Being in a wheelchair and having grandkids at the house there could be some dead dogs coming up if they actually bite someone in my yard . Too bad he decided to act like an a * s instead of just minding his dogs . We 'll see how his landlord likes a lawsuit if it comes to that . michelle says January 29 , 2015 at 6 : 57 pm Ignorance must be bliss . Dogs will be dogs and they poop . Sometimes they poop when there owner is not looking or if the dog gets loose . Big dogs do get loose sometimes well because they are big and strong they can break a leash etc . Does that make it o . k . no but accidents do happen and some neighbors are so unforgiving and rude that they will overreact when a dog poops on their yard . Big dogs are more noticeable they have larger poop . If a small dog runs in a yard and poops no one cares because they are small and there poops are small . Big dogs tend to piss people off more and also even if they are friendlier than a little yappie dog people think they are dangerous just because they are larger . My neighbors little dog always relieves itself in my front yard and I don 't make a fuss . The other day the leash slipped out of my hand and my dog ran . I had to chase after him . I didn 't realize he pooped in their yard until the neighbor came over my house later angrily to let me know . I didn 't give her an attitude and say youre dog poops in my yard I just said sorry because she was so angry . I always pick up poop from my yard from another neighbor with a bigger dog and no I didn 't knock on their door and yell at them . Pick your battles people . Don 't be the miserable neighbor that thinks all people don 't care . Shit happens JS says February 22 , 2015 at 5 : 41 am I 'm in a similar situation as many here . I 'm a dog owner , but my dog is on a chain , restricted to an area in my yard where he can do his job , and I clean up his messes after he goes . My neighbors let their dog ( s ) run freely - and they use my yard to make their dumps , both front and back yards . This , even after last year , when I caught their dog doing it 's job while they stood outside looking at the dog as it was going . I did go out there and tell them to come clean up their mess - and at that time I told the person I didn 't want their dog ( s ) on my property . I have now written a letter to them , which I will go and tape on their door . If they don 't start to act like responsible owners , I will call the police - there is a leash ordinance here . You can have your dog " off leash " as long as it 's under your control , but letting your dog use your neighbor 's yard to do it 's business is wrong . Period . End of story . d . s . says March 19 , 2015 at 1 : 13 pm We have spent an enormous amount of money on our lawn . We have a neighbor who has brought his mixed Chihuahua to our lawn , to use as a toilet for several years . We have spoken to this neighbor several times about not allowing his pet to use our lawn as his toilet , we have suggested that he cleans up after his pet . Nothing we have ask him to do has had any effect upon him . We ourselves have a 3 lb Chihuahua , he is a indoor pet , who has a designated area to do his business outside , in our lawn , where it is not tracked into our home , unlike our neighbors dog , who chooses to do his business everywhere , and including killing one of our organic apple trees . We would love to put up a fence , but it is not affordable for us . We have a huge yard . Not all pet owners are irresponsible . But the ones that are not responsible make the rest of us look bad . I now pick my neighbors dog poop , put it on cardboard , and when I drive by , I throw the poop as close to his door as possible . This is not the best solution , but we no longer track it into our home . This is our neighbors dog poop & he should have to deal with it . Sue Dorey says April 13 , 2015 at 4 : 40 pm WOW ! ! I 've been the property manager and groundskeeper for over 8 years . . here at the Duplexs were I live … And trust me ! ! I have experienced each and every fresh new hell … involving dogs and dog owners ! ! I can see trouble coming in the eyes of any new renters that the owner sometimes will let move in . . against my advise ! ( I 've been right so many times ! That he now … No longer allows potential renters to move in before I approve of them ) But ! ! Back to dogs ! The point is ! ! Rules are rules … folks ! ! That 's what I tell people ! ! And it usually works ! ! Now you folks without dogs … might not realize … they ( dogs ) are incredibly predictable creatures of habit when it comes to were they choose to go potty ! ! And people as much like all the dogs they live around are inherently going to be one way or the other ! They 'll be responsible or they will simply NOT ! If your neighbors dog has been allowed to poop in a certain spot before ! ! He will no doubt return or try to return to that same spot ! ! Over and over ! ! It 's called marking their spot ! So if you are new to an area and are experiencing poop bombs in your yard ? It 's only because that 's were the dog has previously been allowed to do so ! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ! ! HAVE THE POOP CONVERSATION WITH THEM LIGHT HEARTDLY … VERY FIRST THING ! ! ! But also realize ! It will still … take lots of time for the old dog and it 's owners to adjust and much frustration on your part to overcome the dogs urge to stop marking its territory … . That is ! ! Now . . if your poop bombers are new ! ! Meaning they just moved in to your neighborhood ! ! WELL THEN ! ! ! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ! ! MAKE THE POOP CONVERSATION ! ! ! THE VERY FIRST THING YOU LIGHT HEARTDLY DISSCUSS ! ! ! Some of you sound to me … as if anyone whom chooses to live by or around you … are potentially or really … more like eventually going to piss you off about one thing or another anyway … Just so happens the dog thing is the most convenient avenue for you to vent your disapprovel … . The absolute bottom line is . . Dog crap is not the END OF THE WORLD ! ! ! It 's merely an inconvenience at best … And dog pee doesn 't damage outside foliage AT ALL … . folks are really stretching when they use that excuse . . LOL SO . . In the grand scheme of things in life … try not to allow such pety things to cause stress … MO says May 17 , 2015 at 9 : 43 pm If you are picking up the poop anyway , follow them home , should you catch them and pitch it on their porch . Let them call the cops . When the cop asks how do they know that it was me and they screw up and say , " Because I know where my dog pooped , then the cops can issue them a ticket … . Laugh if you must but this really happened . They now take another route . desmo says August 1 , 2015 at 1 : 19 pm We recently bought a house in a very nice neighborhood . The last ten years of the previous owners life the lady had lost her sight so all the dog walking neighbors probably got use to having their dogs crap on her lawn and since she never said anything they probably thought it was okay . The day we moved in , my wife was trying to turn into our driveway but it was blocked by a man allowing his dog to crap on our driveway . He made my wife wait and then walked away not cleaning up when the dog finished . The front yard was run down and I spent the next 8 months working on it myself . Over that time dog owners would walk by let their dogs on the yard , some would even walk with the dog up on the lawn , some would pick it up others would not . I would set my garbage bins out on trash day and after they were emptied by the company , dog owners would drop their baggies of crap into them … I would be out working in the yard and dog owners would let their dogs on the lawn to crap , right next to me … I finally just started confronting them . Their first response was always " I am going to pick it up " with a panic look because I was actually questioning them . They new it was wrong and were just trying to get their dog to crap on someone else 's yard and they got caught . I would not back down and asked why they thought it was okay ? I told them it is disgusting to have their dog in my yard only to crap . I would say I don 't do it to you why do you do it to me ? I would always finish by saying you and your dogs are not allowed on my property again . Most of these stuck up neighbors were shocked and could not believe I was talking to them that way . They always walked away mumbling something about me … mean person , crappy neighbor , etc . I was out in what I call my " Bistro " patio , I built a privacy wall in the front and now have a nice new patio . While enjoying a cold one - behind my wall - a couple allowed their two small dogs on my lawn to crap . Now this is not what I want to see when I am relaxReply No Poop says May 4 , 2016 at 7 : 31 pm It 's called curbing your dog . Your dog needs exercise . Teach the dog that he 's not on a sniffing expedition , he 's on a walk . Teach the dog to do it 's business at home , before you walk . If you 're dog does it 's business on my yard , YOU get sprayed with a water hose . Not the dog , YOU . Poor dog doesn 't know any better , YOU should First , let 's talk about why this website is useful for you . Like you , I 'm battling to become better and trying to put a small dent in my corner of the universe . I write about the struggle that we all face to become better leaders , better workers , and better people . I write about Lean and Six Sigma principles , and how we can put them into practice at our companies , in our businesses , and how to improve the customer experience . Get started by learning about Lean > Already know about Lean and Six Sigma ? Get started with free downloads >
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Looking back at where I was last New Year 's time , and where I am now , is really sort of mind boggling . This time last year , when I had to sit down and name this blog , I knew that I was about to undergo a lot of change . So I decided to call it ' Third Time 's the Charm . ' Not , as a certain Crazy Ex of Future Husband 's alleged , because I was giving him a third chance , but because this is the third time I 've had a big , life altering change . A lot of my past blogs ( and before that , diaries ) have complained about feeling stagnant or lost , not really knowing where I was going or why or who with . When I was 11 years old , my family 's home burnt down on New Year 's Day . Since then , it 's always been a strange day for me . Not so much a holiday , but more like a day of remembrance . Like when a loved one passes away . When the house burned , we lost literally everything . There were a few things we were thankfully able to save ; some of my cousins dug through the rubble and found my parents ' wedding rings , the contents of my mother 's cedar chest ( her wedding dress included ) , and the family photos the firemen grabbed off the wall when they realized we weren 't home . We lived in a hotel for a while , then bounced around with relatives until the insurance company got us an apartment . The people at our church donated clothes and toys for us , but really , all we had left from before was what we had when the house went up in flames ; each other . Eleven years later ( and funnily enough , the fire marking the middle point in my life ) , my family fell into financial ruin . We 'd tried to keep our heads above water , but my mother and I got laid off within two weeks of each other . Me one week before Christmas , and her one week after . Only a few weeks earlier , knowing we were living paycheck to paycheck and fed up with Phoenix 's price and weather , we 'd had a family meeting and decided to move to Tulsa . We 'd been through the city before on a family road trip , and fallen in love with the area . The cost of living was less than half of Phoenix 's , and the economLabels : Okay , after trying to post a blog comment while drunk , and being thwarted by the captcha , I removed the captcha from mine . I kept my comment moderation on , just to filter out spam . However , after reading the hilariousness of these , I 'm thinking of taking it off all together , just so everyone can enjoy them . Part of me has to wonder if what follows is just someone trying to translate their language 's idioms into English and it backfired horribly , or if it 's just computer generated gibberish . If the first , perhaps I should learn to speak Korean , because it 's obvious that they are lacking translators and tutors . If the second , it gave me a good laugh . And a few quotables . ' Making hold down after outside gears to consolidation in expenditure elementary distribute , idiolect included , there is a long - legged high - priority as a running to studying English communication in those parts of the essence story , where English is not a most top - level language . This conclusion leads us that there is brobdingnagian asseveration in do a tons on of English - speaking tutors , who are specializing in teaching English . South Korea is actual of most incontestable countries in terms of union burgeoning , which means teaching English in Korea would be lustily profitable . ' ' Lustily profitable ' has just got to enter my vocabulary . I 'm still trying to figure out what a ' long - legged high - priority ' is , but I think we can all agree that English is a most top - level language . ' All in all interminable signal to consolidation in well - grounded all things , vocabularyincluded , there is a consequential of the utmost status on studying English blather in those parts of the compulsory set in motion story , where English is not a most eye - catching language . This conclusion leads us that there is brobdingnagian miss in search English - speaking tutors , who are specializing in teaching English . South Korea is fifty - fifty of most encouraging countries in terms of gonorrheic backlash all here the traces , which means teaching English in Korea would be incomparably profiLabels : Towards the end of the fall tour , G asked us if we would be down to do a small tour down to Arizona , just so he could be with his family for Christmas . We agreed , of course . And so here we are on Christmas Eve , at Future Husband 's parents ' house . It works out well , since we ended up spending Thanksgiving with my folks . Today started off a little rocky . I 'd gone to bed last night with a ridiculously sore throat for the first time in a week . I gargled salt water , took an Advil , and went to bed early . ( And by early , I mean 4 : 30am instead of 6 . ) When my ( almost ) Mother - In - Law knocked on the door a few hours later to have Future Husband and I help with the Turkey and the various side dishes , I was surprised ( but happy ) to find that my sore throat had vanished . Hooray warm salt water ! So after giving the turkey a butter massage , and making sure it was thoroughly stuffed with oyster dressing , I settled onto the couch with a cup of coffee and a book . It didn 't last long , though , before sleepiness set in , and Future Husband and I went back upstairs for a nap . There was another knock on our door four hours later from my ( almost ) Sister - In - Law told us a family friend was visiting . We got up and dressed , and went downstairs to visit for a while before it was time for our Christmas Eve dinner . Once ( almost ) Father - In - Law got home from work , we started finishing up the last bit of dinner ( gravy , mashing potatoes , adding the onions to the green bean casserole . ) FH , FSiL and I ran to the only open grocery store for some last minute dinner rolls and a bottle of wine . Then we sat down for the big spread . It reminded me a lot of what I would have had at home with my folks ; Turkey , stuffing , mashed potatoes and gravy , sweet potatoes , green bean casserole , corn and tomato casserole ( something FH is always raving about ) , and of course . . . cranberry sauce . If you don 't know me in real life , or haven 't been reading my blog for a while , you should know that I freaking love cranberry sauce . You can read all about it here . ( I only got made funLabels : Here 's the best picture I was able to get myself . It 's kinda blurry , but it was the clearest I took . We 're supposed to have some pictures taken with a friend later this week , so hopefully there 'll be some better , non - self - portrait pics later . And yes , I know I should clean that hair brush . For those of you that don 't keep up with the news , or are not astronomical nerds like me , tonight was a ridiculously rare event . Tonight is Winter Solstice , a full moon , AND a total lunar eclipse . The last time this happened was in 1638 , 372 years ago . Here in Arizona , there 's an Italian restaurant that Future Husband 's been wanting to take me to , called Baci . It 's kind of out in the middle of nowhere , but seems to be doing well , which tells me they probably have a seriously loyal customer base . For dinner tonight , FH took me out for dinner to celebrate the Solstice . We started the night with an amazing Antipasto Salad . It was like Caprese Salad , but on delicious , meaty steroids . We chose soup over salad ; I had Meatball and Orzo , he had Tortellini . For dinner , he had Shrimp and Scallops Florentine , and I had Chicken and Artichoke Limone . And desert ? We split a Cannoli , of course . It was an amazing ( and painfully filling ) meal . And even though I 've lived in a van with him for seven of the last ten months ( and we literally cannot escape each others company ) , I still enjoy alone time with Future Husband . Especially date nights . It 's one of the traits of my secretly girly side . We drove home for a little pit stop until it was time to go out to see the eclpise . We chose to go to one of the county parks far away from everything , even the suburbs , so it was nice and dark . After getting a little turned around , we found the park and pulled Future Mother - in - Law 's truck onto a little dirt road . We spread out sleeping bags in the back of the truck , and got to moon watching . Or trying to , anyway . Thick cloud cover had rolled in a few hours earlier , though . So we cuddled up under the sleeping bags ( on the chilly , 55 degree Arizona night ) , and eavesdropped on the two other groups out in the park with us . We heard what sounded like a group of four teenagers talking about the Zombie Apocalypse . It was sooo tempting to sneak over to try and scare them , but we didn 't . With my luck , I would 've stumbled across a snake or scorpion , anywLabels : I woke twice during the night with bad coughing fits . It woke Future Husband , but thankfully , not D or G . The real silver lining , I 've discovered , is that being sick and coughing so much has made me drop all the weight I gained on the Cruise . ( I 'll blog about that later . No really , I will this time . ) It was definitely the worst of the nights since I 've been sick , coughing wise . Luckily , I 've stopped waking up with a snot encrusted face . Our wake up call came at 11 ( checkout was at noon ) , and we picked it up , and just held it to the room so everyone could hear it . We all laughed at the hokey recording , and then promptly fell back asleep . G woke the other three of us 55 minutes later . We all frantically gathered up our things and packed the van back up . And then we went to Waffle House . Glorious , delightfully trashy Waffle House . The boys all got their hashbrowns with various toppings , and I got my precious Apple Butter . My love of Vitamin AB is an ongoing joke for friends and relatives of mine . Seriously , I put it on or in everything ; waffles , pancakes , oatmeal , toast . . . sometimes I just eat a spoonful from the jar . I freakin ' love Apple Butter . After stuffing our stomachs with far too much grease and sodium for a balanced diet ( cause we normally eat so well on tour ) , we hopped on the freeway and started for Albuquerque . I read for a while , and drew a cartoon of myself , or rather , the nickname Future Husband has given me . Count Bronchula After having worked in the food service industry for a few years , ( and my history with the dreaded Upper Respiratory Infections , ) I 've developed a habit of coughing into my elbow , instead of into my hand , which is far more unsanitary . FH has teased me that whenever I do this , with my black hoodie on , it makes me look like Dracula . Thus , Count Bronchula was born . My laptop 's battery was exhausted , and I knew I would be doing the Albuquerque - to - Phoenix drive , so I climbed into the very back bench and took a little cat nap . We put in a quick stop at a McDonald 's to kill sfriends , So the silver lining to my cough seems to have disappeared . I woke up Sunday morning by coughing myself awake . We camped out with my Denver GBF until absolutely time to go . We watched silly movies and drank Bloody Marys . ( Well , the boys did . I drank my orange juice and shot zombies for a while . ) Future Husband ordered my ring online ( Yay ! ) , so now we can fulfill the bling requirement of our engagement . When we did finally take off in the afternoon , we dropped the DGBF off at work , and hopped on the freeway til Colorado Springs . It 's a pretty short drive , and we managed to miss both rush hours . We arrived at our friend 's new art gallery , and found brownies ( the safe kind ) and a keg waiting for us , and pizza on the way . Future Husband and I ran down to the Starbucks on the corner and got some hot tea for me , as I 'm not quite beer savvy again . The guy that opened was amazing . Probably one of my favorite musicians that we 've played with on tour . He 's a 19 year old wunderkind with a steel guitar and a hollow box he stomps on while he plays . I liked him so much I spent the $ 10 my grandmother sent me for my birthday on a shirt of his . ( I had been saving it for burritos in Arizona . ) I always like the art gallery shows in Colorado Springs , because it 's always just a couple of friends , bringing other friends , for an intimate , fun show . We hung out for a while afterwards , before our friend handed us money for a cheap hotel room . He had told us we could stay with him on Sunday night , but then his mother came into town , and he hosted her instead ( obviously . ) So he strong - armed us into getting a motel room so we wouldn 't have to sleep in the van . But he also gave us enough money for cheap beer for Future Husband and D , and pizza and wings . We headed to the nearest Motel 6 and grabbed a room for the night . I ran FH and D out to a liquor store to pick up a few brewskies , and ordered from Domino 's when we got back to the room . Then it was just a leisurely night of Adult Swim and hot showers . Sweet , wonderful , muchawesomeness , I woke up first , before any of the guys , in a coughing fit . After expelling what seemed like a metric ton of mucus , I wrote a little bit and then started shooting zombies and drinking orange juice . After about an hour of that , everyone woke up all at once , and we went about starting our day . Which , of course , including drinking lots and lots of coffee . We watched the beginning of ' Galaxy Quest ' while waiting to hear back from my Denver GBF , then started the short drive to Denver . At his house , we were treated to a mexican feast ; chips and salsa , queso , shrimp cocktail and homemade enchiladas . It was amazing . And then we just hung out . It was great ! The guys were sipping Coronas and smoking hookah , and Denver GBF and I were laughing at old stories . After a while , though , we did have to go to the show . The guys were playing at a new venue that they hadn 't played at before , at a show set up by a new Friend Band . It was a great place , and even though there were five bands , the show went smoothly . None of the other bands painfully sucked , and everyone in them was nice . The guys played very well , and were the only band that the crowd cheered for an encore . It was another Hallmark Movie Montage sort of night . The crowd at least doubled in size while they played . We sold a lot of merch , and at the end of the night , the other bands gave my guys either some or all of their cut of the door money . So it was our most lucrative show yet . After a celebratory round of jager shots with the bartender , I loaded my drunk little guys into the van , and we went to pick up Denver GBF from his night out . With a quick stop at a 24 hour Burger King , we made it home and hung out for another two hours before everyone crashed . I had so much fun , it was easy to overlook the fact that a city pipe burst and Denver GBF had no running water . So no showering ( and therefore no naked time for Future Husband and I . ) But I had too much fun for that or my gross mucus situation to keep me down . The terrible combination of being ridiculously sick and away from internet access has kept me away from my blog . Sorry ! ( Believe me , I 'm sure I enjoyed it far less than you did . ) Day 6Tuesday morning came , and I woke feeling worse than I did Monday . This was not boding well for me . We hung out at our friend 's house with her and all three kids ( everyone but dad had stayed home ) until it was absolutely time to leave for Reno . Future Husband took the first half of the drive , and as we were about the leave Lassen Forest , I took over . We made good time , considering how often us sickies stopped for coffee , and therefore , bathrooms . We pulled into the club in Reno and unloaded pretty soon after . The good friend we usually stay with in Reno is between housing situations ( which I 've found can be a problem with the type of people who take home an entire band from a bar ) , so we couldn 't stay with him . He was trying to find a friend that would let us crash , but we decided to just load up on coffee and start the 16 hour drive to Colorado . The guys played pretty well , and we sold some merch . Which is good , considering there were only six people besides the people that worked there and me . In fact , a pair of guys who barely spoke English drove up from Carson City to see them . The show ended prematurely , however , when D broke the head on his snare drum . We hung out with our friend for only a little while , and hit the road at midnight - ish . We stopped at a creepy little truck stop about 30 miles east of Reno for sandwiches , chips and soda . D started the night drive , while the rest of us climbed in the back to try and sleep . Day 7 , or The No Good , Terrible , Very Bad DayNeither Future Husband nor I slept much on the drive , as both of our colds were keeping us up . Mine turned into a terrible sounding cough and a tremendously sore throat , and his was sinus pressure so bad , driving through the mountains and changing altitude was pushing it around and giving him a awful headache . When we rolled into a gas station outside Salt LaLabels : After the long relaxing day we had Sunday , Monday was a nice way to ease back into the tour routine . Kinda . We have a big drive on Tuesday , so that may be a bit of a downer . When I woke up I made the guys breakfast burritos , even though I was feeling ten shades of terrible . Future Husband and D are sick as well , but they both felt better Sunday night , after a long day of eating , drinking coffee and playing video games , so FH demanded that I sit down and get to gaming . I complied of course , and spent the next few hours watching Nightmare Before Christmas , and then a Law & Order marathon , all while peacefully shooting zombies on my computer . When it was time for the show , we crammed into the van ( and our friends into theirs , since he was opening for the guys ) and caravaned over to the bar . When we first got there , it seemed like it would be like their shows usually are there ; under attended . That didn 't stop us from having fun , though . And there were a handful of people there , including some friends who drove from out of town to see the guys play . She always bakes us delicious muffins with crazy names . This time they 're " Cherry Bomb Bounce " and " Mucho Mango Madness . " Our friend opened , and we all sat and enjoyed him while the guys enjoyed their 40 's of PBR that our muffin making friend bought them . I kept turning down shots , since I was feeling under the weather and had to drive . After our friend finished though , I accepted a shot of Jagermeister from him . Future Husband told me that in Germany , they use it like cough syrup , so why not ? I felt better for about two minutes , went into a nasty coughing fit and coughed up what looked like key lime pie , and then felt better again . For a little while . The guys played well , and again , people wandered in from outside . There are a few other bars right next to that one in downtown Medford , and it 's literally right across the street from a college campus . By the end of the set there were about twice as many people as when they started , including a big group of girls that were jusLabels : Today we had a day off . Great is an understatement . The friends we 're staying with in Medford have some football thingy with Direct TV , so G and D were super excited , as was the entire family . Future Husband and I really couldn 't give two hoots . So FH busted out his PS3 and the new game my brothers surprised him with at Thanksgiving , and I did what I do ; I cooked . It sounds so Betty Crocker / Happy Homemaker of me , but I really do enjoy cooking . So last night I told our friends to not worry about cooking for us , to just sit back and relax and enjoy all of their football games . After sleeping in for quite a while this morning and afternoon , I dragged myself out of bed ( a bed , not a couch ! ) and went to the nearby grocery store . I had a forty dollar budget , so loaded up on delicious things , and then went back to the house and made them into even more delicious things . I first made finger foods ; Barbecue and Pastrami Stuffed Mushrooms ( I tweaked my mom 's recipe by adding bacon , of course ) and a Ham , Cheese and Broccoli Croissant Ring . It seems like there are far too many adjectives there to describe finger food . I would have taken pictures , but all the food disappeared pretty quickly , and I was prepping dinner . Which , no surprise here , was Carbonara . Over the last few months it 's become my signature dish . Anytime someone wants me to cook for them for some occasion , they choose Carbonara . Future Husband and I have even decided to have Chicken and Spinach Carbonara as one of the dishes at our wedding . ( We 're going to save money and cater it ourselves . ) Maybe someday I 'll finally get my food blog up and running . While I let everyone digest the h ' ors doeuvres , I curled up with my book and killed a chapter . Then I went right back to the kitchen to start the Chicken and Shrimp Carbonara . Soooo yummy . Everyone ( even the kids with their picky appetites ) ate it . The teenage boys loved it especially . Then all of us ( me and my guys , and our friends and their three kids ) gathered in the living room and watched Anchorman together . AfteLabels : Ashland , Oregon , is on the opposite side of the state from Portland . So we had a long drive ahead of us . After we left the cool bartender 's house at 2 : 00pm , we hit the I - 5 and stayed on it . Future Husband , still suffering through his nasty head cold , fell back asleep almost immediately . I read one of the books I brought along until the light outside ran out . ( Even then , I finished the chapter by the light of my cell phone . ) After a few rounds of Tetris on my phone , I gave in and took a nap . We rolled into Medford ( about 15 miles north of Ashland ) , and stopped at our friends ' house . There , they had a crockpot full of ham and navy beans waiting for us , with cheesy garlic bread and cold soda and beer . Heaven . Especially since all I 'd had thus far to eat was a Nutrigrain bar and an Emergen - C packet . After loading up on delicious beans ( which I would regret for about 24 hours ) we piled into the van and hit the highway again . The venue the guys played was a semi - underground , small bar / restaurant . Twenty home brewed beers on tap , though . ( Amazing ! ) Apparently , the day had been devoted to the ' Civil War Game ' , in which both Oregon state colleges played against each other . The bartender apologized before hand for the small crowd , as it seemed everyone was drinking at home or tailgating because of the game . The guys refer to it as their curse , as they so often hear , ' This place was packed last night ! ' We could tell they were going to be loud . It was a small room , with plaster walls and a concrete floor . The bartender even mentioned that as they were setting up . After a snafu with the cords for the PA ( i . e . - there weren 't any ) they were able to get set up and play . The boys weren 't in a very good mood , as they were all sick , and could tell they were going to catch hell for the noise level . They almost didn 't play . As the first song started , the bartender came up to me and told me they needed to turn down . A few moments later , during the same song , an older guy that had been sitting at the bar walked up to the guys , and startedLabels :
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Looking back at where I was last New Year 's time , and where I am now , is really sort of mind boggling . This time last year , when I had to sit down and name this blog , I knew that I was about to undergo a lot of change . So I decided to call it ' Third Time 's the Charm . ' Not , as a certain Crazy Ex of Future Husband 's alleged , because I was giving him a third chance , but because this is the third time I 've had a big , life altering change . A lot of my past blogs ( and before that , diaries ) have complained about feeling stagnant or lost , not really knowing where I was going or why or who with . When I was 11 years old , my family 's home burnt down on New Year 's Day . Since then , it 's always been a strange day for me . Not so much a holiday , but more like a day of remembrance . Like when a loved one passes away . When the house burned , we lost literally everything . There were a few things we were thankfully able to save ; some of my cousins dug through the rubble and found my parents ' wedding rings , the contents of my mother 's cedar chest ( her wedding dress included ) , and the family photos the firemen grabbed off the wall when they realized we weren 't home . We lived in a hotel for a while , then bounced around with relatives until the insurance company got us an apartment . The people at our church donated clothes and toys for us , but really , all we had left from before was what we had when the house went up in flames ; each other . Eleven years later ( and funnily enough , the fire marking the middle point in my life ) , my family fell into financial ruin . We 'd tried to keep our heads above water , but my mother and I got laid off within two weeks of each other . Me one week before Christmas , and her one week after . Only a few weeks earlier , knowing we were living paycheck to paycheck and fed up with Phoenix 's price and weather , we 'd had a family meeting and decided to move to Tulsa . We 'd been through the city before on a family road trip , and fallen in love with the area . The cost of living was less than half of Phoenix 's , and the economLabels : Okay , after trying to post a blog comment while drunk , and being thwarted by the captcha , I removed the captcha from mine . I kept my comment moderation on , just to filter out spam . However , after reading the hilariousness of these , I 'm thinking of taking it off all together , just so everyone can enjoy them . Part of me has to wonder if what follows is just someone trying to translate their language 's idioms into English and it backfired horribly , or if it 's just computer generated gibberish . If the first , perhaps I should learn to speak Korean , because it 's obvious that they are lacking translators and tutors . If the second , it gave me a good laugh . And a few quotables . ' Making hold down after outside gears to consolidation in expenditure elementary distribute , idiolect included , there is a long - legged high - priority as a running to studying English communication in those parts of the essence story , where English is not a most top - level language . This conclusion leads us that there is brobdingnagian asseveration in do a tons on of English - speaking tutors , who are specializing in teaching English . South Korea is actual of most incontestable countries in terms of union burgeoning , which means teaching English in Korea would be lustily profitable . ' ' Lustily profitable ' has just got to enter my vocabulary . I 'm still trying to figure out what a ' long - legged high - priority ' is , but I think we can all agree that English is a most top - level language . ' All in all interminable signal to consolidation in well - grounded all things , vocabularyincluded , there is a consequential of the utmost status on studying English blather in those parts of the compulsory set in motion story , where English is not a most eye - catching language . This conclusion leads us that there is brobdingnagian miss in search English - speaking tutors , who are specializing in teaching English . South Korea is fifty - fifty of most encouraging countries in terms of gonorrheic backlash all here the traces , which means teaching English in Korea would be incomparably profiLabels : Towards the end of the fall tour , G asked us if we would be down to do a small tour down to Arizona , just so he could be with his family for Christmas . We agreed , of course . And so here we are on Christmas Eve , at Future Husband 's parents ' house . It works out well , since we ended up spending Thanksgiving with my folks . Today started off a little rocky . I 'd gone to bed last night with a ridiculously sore throat for the first time in a week . I gargled salt water , took an Advil , and went to bed early . ( And by early , I mean 4 : 30am instead of 6 . ) When my ( almost ) Mother - In - Law knocked on the door a few hours later to have Future Husband and I help with the Turkey and the various side dishes , I was surprised ( but happy ) to find that my sore throat had vanished . Hooray warm salt water ! So after giving the turkey a butter massage , and making sure it was thoroughly stuffed with oyster dressing , I settled onto the couch with a cup of coffee and a book . It didn 't last long , though , before sleepiness set in , and Future Husband and I went back upstairs for a nap . There was another knock on our door four hours later from my ( almost ) Sister - In - Law told us a family friend was visiting . We got up and dressed , and went downstairs to visit for a while before it was time for our Christmas Eve dinner . Once ( almost ) Father - In - Law got home from work , we started finishing up the last bit of dinner ( gravy , mashing potatoes , adding the onions to the green bean casserole . ) FH , FSiL and I ran to the only open grocery store for some last minute dinner rolls and a bottle of wine . Then we sat down for the big spread . It reminded me a lot of what I would have had at home with my folks ; Turkey , stuffing , mashed potatoes and gravy , sweet potatoes , green bean casserole , corn and tomato casserole ( something FH is always raving about ) , and of course . . . cranberry sauce . If you don 't know me in real life , or haven 't been reading my blog for a while , you should know that I freaking love cranberry sauce . You can read all about it here . ( I only got made funLabels : Here 's the best picture I was able to get myself . It 's kinda blurry , but it was the clearest I took . We 're supposed to have some pictures taken with a friend later this week , so hopefully there 'll be some better , non - self - portrait pics later . And yes , I know I should clean that hair brush . For those of you that don 't keep up with the news , or are not astronomical nerds like me , tonight was a ridiculously rare event . Tonight is Winter Solstice , a full moon , AND a total lunar eclipse . The last time this happened was in 1638 , 372 years ago . Here in Arizona , there 's an Italian restaurant that Future Husband 's been wanting to take me to , called Baci . It 's kind of out in the middle of nowhere , but seems to be doing well , which tells me they probably have a seriously loyal customer base . For dinner tonight , FH took me out for dinner to celebrate the Solstice . We started the night with an amazing Antipasto Salad . It was like Caprese Salad , but on delicious , meaty steroids . We chose soup over salad ; I had Meatball and Orzo , he had Tortellini . For dinner , he had Shrimp and Scallops Florentine , and I had Chicken and Artichoke Limone . And desert ? We split a Cannoli , of course . It was an amazing ( and painfully filling ) meal . And even though I 've lived in a van with him for seven of the last ten months ( and we literally cannot escape each others company ) , I still enjoy alone time with Future Husband . Especially date nights . It 's one of the traits of my secretly girly side . We drove home for a little pit stop until it was time to go out to see the eclpise . We chose to go to one of the county parks far away from everything , even the suburbs , so it was nice and dark . After getting a little turned around , we found the park and pulled Future Mother - in - Law 's truck onto a little dirt road . We spread out sleeping bags in the back of the truck , and got to moon watching . Or trying to , anyway . Thick cloud cover had rolled in a few hours earlier , though . So we cuddled up under the sleeping bags ( on the chilly , 55 degree Arizona night ) , and eavesdropped on the two other groups out in the park with us . We heard what sounded like a group of four teenagers talking about the Zombie Apocalypse . It was sooo tempting to sneak over to try and scare them , but we didn 't . With my luck , I would 've stumbled across a snake or scorpion , anywLabels : I woke twice during the night with bad coughing fits . It woke Future Husband , but thankfully , not D or G . The real silver lining , I 've discovered , is that being sick and coughing so much has made me drop all the weight I gained on the Cruise . ( I 'll blog about that later . No really , I will this time . ) It was definitely the worst of the nights since I 've been sick , coughing wise . Luckily , I 've stopped waking up with a snot encrusted face . Our wake up call came at 11 ( checkout was at noon ) , and we picked it up , and just held it to the room so everyone could hear it . We all laughed at the hokey recording , and then promptly fell back asleep . G woke the other three of us 55 minutes later . We all frantically gathered up our things and packed the van back up . And then we went to Waffle House . Glorious , delightfully trashy Waffle House . The boys all got their hashbrowns with various toppings , and I got my precious Apple Butter . My love of Vitamin AB is an ongoing joke for friends and relatives of mine . Seriously , I put it on or in everything ; waffles , pancakes , oatmeal , toast . . . sometimes I just eat a spoonful from the jar . I freakin ' love Apple Butter . After stuffing our stomachs with far too much grease and sodium for a balanced diet ( cause we normally eat so well on tour ) , we hopped on the freeway and started for Albuquerque . I read for a while , and drew a cartoon of myself , or rather , the nickname Future Husband has given me . Count Bronchula After having worked in the food service industry for a few years , ( and my history with the dreaded Upper Respiratory Infections , ) I 've developed a habit of coughing into my elbow , instead of into my hand , which is far more unsanitary . FH has teased me that whenever I do this , with my black hoodie on , it makes me look like Dracula . Thus , Count Bronchula was born . My laptop 's battery was exhausted , and I knew I would be doing the Albuquerque - to - Phoenix drive , so I climbed into the very back bench and took a little cat nap . We put in a quick stop at a McDonald 's to kill sfriends , So the silver lining to my cough seems to have disappeared . I woke up Sunday morning by coughing myself awake . We camped out with my Denver GBF until absolutely time to go . We watched silly movies and drank Bloody Marys . ( Well , the boys did . I drank my orange juice and shot zombies for a while . ) Future Husband ordered my ring online ( Yay ! ) , so now we can fulfill the bling requirement of our engagement . When we did finally take off in the afternoon , we dropped the DGBF off at work , and hopped on the freeway til Colorado Springs . It 's a pretty short drive , and we managed to miss both rush hours . We arrived at our friend 's new art gallery , and found brownies ( the safe kind ) and a keg waiting for us , and pizza on the way . Future Husband and I ran down to the Starbucks on the corner and got some hot tea for me , as I 'm not quite beer savvy again . The guy that opened was amazing . Probably one of my favorite musicians that we 've played with on tour . He 's a 19 year old wunderkind with a steel guitar and a hollow box he stomps on while he plays . I liked him so much I spent the $ 10 my grandmother sent me for my birthday on a shirt of his . ( I had been saving it for burritos in Arizona . ) I always like the art gallery shows in Colorado Springs , because it 's always just a couple of friends , bringing other friends , for an intimate , fun show . We hung out for a while afterwards , before our friend handed us money for a cheap hotel room . He had told us we could stay with him on Sunday night , but then his mother came into town , and he hosted her instead ( obviously . ) So he strong - armed us into getting a motel room so we wouldn 't have to sleep in the van . But he also gave us enough money for cheap beer for Future Husband and D , and pizza and wings . We headed to the nearest Motel 6 and grabbed a room for the night . I ran FH and D out to a liquor store to pick up a few brewskies , and ordered from Domino 's when we got back to the room . Then it was just a leisurely night of Adult Swim and hot showers . Sweet , wonderful , muchawesomeness , I woke up first , before any of the guys , in a coughing fit . After expelling what seemed like a metric ton of mucus , I wrote a little bit and then started shooting zombies and drinking orange juice . After about an hour of that , everyone woke up all at once , and we went about starting our day . Which , of course , including drinking lots and lots of coffee . We watched the beginning of ' Galaxy Quest ' while waiting to hear back from my Denver GBF , then started the short drive to Denver . At his house , we were treated to a mexican feast ; chips and salsa , queso , shrimp cocktail and homemade enchiladas . It was amazing . And then we just hung out . It was great ! The guys were sipping Coronas and smoking hookah , and Denver GBF and I were laughing at old stories . After a while , though , we did have to go to the show . The guys were playing at a new venue that they hadn 't played at before , at a show set up by a new Friend Band . It was a great place , and even though there were five bands , the show went smoothly . None of the other bands painfully sucked , and everyone in them was nice . The guys played very well , and were the only band that the crowd cheered for an encore . It was another Hallmark Movie Montage sort of night . The crowd at least doubled in size while they played . We sold a lot of merch , and at the end of the night , the other bands gave my guys either some or all of their cut of the door money . So it was our most lucrative show yet . After a celebratory round of jager shots with the bartender , I loaded my drunk little guys into the van , and we went to pick up Denver GBF from his night out . With a quick stop at a 24 hour Burger King , we made it home and hung out for another two hours before everyone crashed . I had so much fun , it was easy to overlook the fact that a city pipe burst and Denver GBF had no running water . So no showering ( and therefore no naked time for Future Husband and I . ) But I had too much fun for that or my gross mucus situation to keep me down . The terrible combination of being ridiculously sick and away from internet access has kept me away from my blog . Sorry ! ( Believe me , I 'm sure I enjoyed it far less than you did . ) Day 6Tuesday morning came , and I woke feeling worse than I did Monday . This was not boding well for me . We hung out at our friend 's house with her and all three kids ( everyone but dad had stayed home ) until it was absolutely time to leave for Reno . Future Husband took the first half of the drive , and as we were about the leave Lassen Forest , I took over . We made good time , considering how often us sickies stopped for coffee , and therefore , bathrooms . We pulled into the club in Reno and unloaded pretty soon after . The good friend we usually stay with in Reno is between housing situations ( which I 've found can be a problem with the type of people who take home an entire band from a bar ) , so we couldn 't stay with him . He was trying to find a friend that would let us crash , but we decided to just load up on coffee and start the 16 hour drive to Colorado . The guys played pretty well , and we sold some merch . Which is good , considering there were only six people besides the people that worked there and me . In fact , a pair of guys who barely spoke English drove up from Carson City to see them . The show ended prematurely , however , when D broke the head on his snare drum . We hung out with our friend for only a little while , and hit the road at midnight - ish . We stopped at a creepy little truck stop about 30 miles east of Reno for sandwiches , chips and soda . D started the night drive , while the rest of us climbed in the back to try and sleep . Day 7 , or The No Good , Terrible , Very Bad DayNeither Future Husband nor I slept much on the drive , as both of our colds were keeping us up . Mine turned into a terrible sounding cough and a tremendously sore throat , and his was sinus pressure so bad , driving through the mountains and changing altitude was pushing it around and giving him a awful headache . When we rolled into a gas station outside Salt LaLabels : After the long relaxing day we had Sunday , Monday was a nice way to ease back into the tour routine . Kinda . We have a big drive on Tuesday , so that may be a bit of a downer . When I woke up I made the guys breakfast burritos , even though I was feeling ten shades of terrible . Future Husband and D are sick as well , but they both felt better Sunday night , after a long day of eating , drinking coffee and playing video games , so FH demanded that I sit down and get to gaming . I complied of course , and spent the next few hours watching Nightmare Before Christmas , and then a Law & Order marathon , all while peacefully shooting zombies on my computer . When it was time for the show , we crammed into the van ( and our friends into theirs , since he was opening for the guys ) and caravaned over to the bar . When we first got there , it seemed like it would be like their shows usually are there ; under attended . That didn 't stop us from having fun , though . And there were a handful of people there , including some friends who drove from out of town to see the guys play . She always bakes us delicious muffins with crazy names . This time they 're " Cherry Bomb Bounce " and " Mucho Mango Madness . " Our friend opened , and we all sat and enjoyed him while the guys enjoyed their 40 's of PBR that our muffin making friend bought them . I kept turning down shots , since I was feeling under the weather and had to drive . After our friend finished though , I accepted a shot of Jagermeister from him . Future Husband told me that in Germany , they use it like cough syrup , so why not ? I felt better for about two minutes , went into a nasty coughing fit and coughed up what looked like key lime pie , and then felt better again . For a little while . The guys played well , and again , people wandered in from outside . There are a few other bars right next to that one in downtown Medford , and it 's literally right across the street from a college campus . By the end of the set there were about twice as many people as when they started , including a big group of girls that were jusLabels : Today we had a day off . Great is an understatement . The friends we 're staying with in Medford have some football thingy with Direct TV , so G and D were super excited , as was the entire family . Future Husband and I really couldn 't give two hoots . So FH busted out his PS3 and the new game my brothers surprised him with at Thanksgiving , and I did what I do ; I cooked . It sounds so Betty Crocker / Happy Homemaker of me , but I really do enjoy cooking . So last night I told our friends to not worry about cooking for us , to just sit back and relax and enjoy all of their football games . After sleeping in for quite a while this morning and afternoon , I dragged myself out of bed ( a bed , not a couch ! ) and went to the nearby grocery store . I had a forty dollar budget , so loaded up on delicious things , and then went back to the house and made them into even more delicious things . I first made finger foods ; Barbecue and Pastrami Stuffed Mushrooms ( I tweaked my mom 's recipe by adding bacon , of course ) and a Ham , Cheese and Broccoli Croissant Ring . It seems like there are far too many adjectives there to describe finger food . I would have taken pictures , but all the food disappeared pretty quickly , and I was prepping dinner . Which , no surprise here , was Carbonara . Over the last few months it 's become my signature dish . Anytime someone wants me to cook for them for some occasion , they choose Carbonara . Future Husband and I have even decided to have Chicken and Spinach Carbonara as one of the dishes at our wedding . ( We 're going to save money and cater it ourselves . ) Maybe someday I 'll finally get my food blog up and running . While I let everyone digest the h ' ors doeuvres , I curled up with my book and killed a chapter . Then I went right back to the kitchen to start the Chicken and Shrimp Carbonara . Soooo yummy . Everyone ( even the kids with their picky appetites ) ate it . The teenage boys loved it especially . Then all of us ( me and my guys , and our friends and their three kids ) gathered in the living room and watched Anchorman together . AfteLabels : Ashland , Oregon , is on the opposite side of the state from Portland . So we had a long drive ahead of us . After we left the cool bartender 's house at 2 : 00pm , we hit the I - 5 and stayed on it . Future Husband , still suffering through his nasty head cold , fell back asleep almost immediately . I read one of the books I brought along until the light outside ran out . ( Even then , I finished the chapter by the light of my cell phone . ) After a few rounds of Tetris on my phone , I gave in and took a nap . We rolled into Medford ( about 15 miles north of Ashland ) , and stopped at our friends ' house . There , they had a crockpot full of ham and navy beans waiting for us , with cheesy garlic bread and cold soda and beer . Heaven . Especially since all I 'd had thus far to eat was a Nutrigrain bar and an Emergen - C packet . After loading up on delicious beans ( which I would regret for about 24 hours ) we piled into the van and hit the highway again . The venue the guys played was a semi - underground , small bar / restaurant . Twenty home brewed beers on tap , though . ( Amazing ! ) Apparently , the day had been devoted to the ' Civil War Game ' , in which both Oregon state colleges played against each other . The bartender apologized before hand for the small crowd , as it seemed everyone was drinking at home or tailgating because of the game . The guys refer to it as their curse , as they so often hear , ' This place was packed last night ! ' We could tell they were going to be loud . It was a small room , with plaster walls and a concrete floor . The bartender even mentioned that as they were setting up . After a snafu with the cords for the PA ( i . e . - there weren 't any ) they were able to get set up and play . The boys weren 't in a very good mood , as they were all sick , and could tell they were going to catch hell for the noise level . They almost didn 't play . As the first song started , the bartender came up to me and told me they needed to turn down . A few moments later , during the same song , an older guy that had been sitting at the bar walked up to the guys , and startedLabels :
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Mothering an infant is physical . It 's primarily , almost exclusively , an effort of the body . I keep trying to make it an intellectual pursuit , buttressed by research and the right way to do things . But it 's my body that ( necessarily ) takes over . It 's my body that bends to give her a bath . It 's my body that cradles her and gives her comfort . Of course , it 's my body that feeds her , day and night . Tonight , when helping her fall asleep , I fed her , held her , whispered to her , and finally rocked her to sleep as her hands lazily stroked my nose and mouth . This no longer fazes me . Now , I know . I talk to her in touch and attention . I nuzzle , kiss , hug , cuddle , pat , and pet . All she wants from me is to be held , fed , loved , and seen . It 's all I need to do . Never has it been so hard and so easy to satisfy someone . There are days when my verbal brain needs something other than holding and feeding . But there are other moments when I can simply sit and watch her play , caress her , and show her that she is seen and significant . The light in her eyes when I can do just that is worth more than I ever thought . Earlier this month , Aaron , Nora and I took our first ever road trip as a family . Fittingly enough , we visited Laurel , her husband Adam , and their little hobbit Samwise . Nora has now left her home state and visited somewhere new . It was totally spur of the moment , which may have been the only way we would have been able to do this . Over - planning would have killed us . And we learned … that it wasn 't that bad . We had moments of stress , for sure , but we also had moments of joy and fun . I learned a lot in this inaugural trip . It wasn 't as bad as I thought it would be . A five hour drive turned into a six and a half hour drive . I thought for sure we would spend ten hours for a five hour drive , so I feel like this is a win . Baby girl did a pretty good job with the long drive , as long as one of us was in the backseat , entertaining her with funny sounds , stories , and toys . Another baby 's schedule may not sync up with your baby 's schedule . This was the hardest part about the trip . Nora is an early rising , late to bed type of baby . Samwise is a late rising , early to bed baby . They fed at different times . They napped at different times . At any point during the trip , one parent or the other was either feeding or sleeping a baby . Lucky enough , there was some time when Samwise and Nora got to actually interact , but it was relatively rare . Toys can be an everyday object . It was much harder to drive home than it was to drive to Laurel 's house , especially since we took an hour detour in the wrong direction to see another friend . ( Crazy , but worth it . ) Nora , on the way back , was not as excited about the car seat , even with the parent in the back . When we pulled over at a Subway for dinner , she had energy to burn . And she took it out on a closed bag of chips . There was something endlessly entertaining about the crinkly paper and the rattling contents inside . She shook that thing like a rag doll . Seeing friends in person is important . No matter how many emails , phone calls , and text messages you exchange with a friend ( and there have been many these past few months ) , nothing beats seeing someone in the flesh . We got to hug each other 's babies , laugh , and chat in a way that was very important for me and Aaron . We were finally around people who knew what we were going through , because they were experiencing it themselves . During the trip , we visited the Madison Children 's Museum , ate Indian food , visited rummage sales , and ate ridiculously good chocolate truffles . We watched baby - led weaning in action and got excited for our own ( soon ) experience with solid foods . We compared cloth diapers . Most importantly , we all relaxed around each other and I think , grew a little more centered in the process . When my son was twenty weeks old , we first saw his heart on the ultrasound screen . It was Valentine 's Day , 2011 . The sonographer showed us the walls of the four chambers , fluttering white on the black screen . She told us nothing to evaluate the shape of his heart , its strength , its rhythm . She just showed it to us . Here . This is what you have built . And we watched the miracle of its motion , the way it expanded and contracted like hope . We waited for the doctor , who told us how beautiful our child was , as though we did not know . That night , at home , I wrote to my child . I told him how the undulating contractions of his heart looked like a pale butterfly on the black screen . In the dark of our bedroom , I whispered to him of metamorphosis . The next time I caught a glimpse of my son came just hours before he was born . Healing hands glided over my knotted muscles , slowly untwisting the tension of three days and nights of labor , unsticking the stubborn bone blocking my baby 's path . The hands hovered over my hips and their owner told me what she saw . A black butterfly . Blue and yellow on its wings . Here , in the clean white arc of your hips . Fluttering forward and back . Forward and back . Do you see it ? I thought of his heart , undulating like wings , and I nodded . He came quickly then . Within hours , he emerged slick and wet and alive , as if from a color - stained chrysalis . His father and I held him as he cried and his pulse raced with life . Less than a month later , my husband and I sat in a dimmed room with a man examining our child 's heart from every imaginable angle as it quivered blue and red on another screen . The ceiling was lit with hundreds of tiny lights like stars which did nothing to drive away the dark . He angled the wand against our son 's thin chest and froze frame after frame after frame of his ghostly heart , searching for some fragility to explain his thinness and the blue cast to his lips . I thought of my heart , of his father 's , which were both born faintly whispering secrets . I wondered what our son 's heart had to tell ; I wondered if it were over - burdened by the murmuring of secret things . Finally , the man spoke . Here . I 'm not the cardiologist . This is not official . But his heart is beautiful . We carried the mystery in our arms along with our son as we left the hospital , and I began to understand the uncertain footing I stood on as a mother . But after that , he grew . His beautiful butterfly heart grew . And I grew , too . I have seen your heart from a hundred angles . I have seen it in black and white . I know its depth and width and height . I know its walls and hollows . I have seen how it beats against your ribs like a winged thing and throbs with color . And for all that I have seen , your heart is a coffer of secrets . This is what it means to be a parent : to know you from before your first breath yet spend a lifetime waiting for you to reveal who you are . Here I stand , watching you open your chest of secrets one shining sliver at a time . I am writing this two days before her four month birthday . She is strapped to my chest in a stretchy wrap I made for us . I am trying to type quietly , so she can sleep . Every so often , she rubs her face against my chest , and burrows deeper into sleep . I love moments like this , when her head is close to my heart and we breathe in unison . This is the month where I returned to work fully . It was ( and is ) a big transition for me . Sometimes , I think I 'm doing it well , but most of the time I feel like I 'm failing spectacularly . This week , felt like mostly failing . I had a week where my work schedule changed daily . I started as early as 8 PM and ended as late as 4 PM on some days . On others , I started as late as 11 AM and ended as late as 8 PM . At work , I feel like I accomplish a fraction of what I used to acomplish . I can blame this on the almost eighty minutes of pumping or cleaning my pump parts that I do throughout the work day . But I also just feel like my output is less , as if I am constantly playing catch up during my day . At home , I only get to see Nora for a few hours each day . And those hours are filled with eating dinner , feeding her , bathing her , and getting her to a nap or to bed . It 's transactional - these are the tasks we need to do , so that she is happy and healthy . Gone are the leisure days of my maternity leave , where I could read her books , play with her , and feel like a hands - on parent . In general , I am tired . I am tired from physically providing all of the food for my daughter , every day . I am tired from waking up at 5 AM , or more likely 4 : 30 , each morning . I am tired from missing quality time with her and quality time with my husband . And in those moments of sheer exhaustion , I feel like I 'm failing . It 's hard to explain now that I 'm two days in to a three day weekend . But I woke up at 4 : 45 on Thursday with an overwhelming sense that I am doing it all wrong . Aaron and Nora were up and playing in her bedroom and I thought , " Babies shouldn 't be up at 4 : 45 . She must not be getting enough sleep . I 'm doing it wrong . " This sense led to a full - scale meltdown . Never mind the fact that Nora is a natural morning person ( so far ) . Never mind that she wakes up to be fed around this time every day and doesn 't settle down again until a 6 AM nap . Never mind that she naps every two hours during her day . At that moment , I was terrified that I was breaking her ability to sleep through the night , a skill she has yet to develop . Thinking about this perceived failure , I started to catalog all of my other failures as a wife , new mother , and worker . I am not working as I hard as I used to at work . FAILURE . I barely have time to see my husband during the week . FAILURE . I don 't pitch in with the chores around the house , as much as I should . FAILURE . My two cats are utterly neglected . FAILURE . I don 't know if I spend enough time , or the right type of time , with my daughter . FAILURE . I have nightmares about missing meetings at work and not being able to call in , and nightmares about dropping the baby , often in the same night . FAILURE . Like most perfectionists , I have a debilitating fear of failure . It 's not that I 'm unaccustomed to it . I 've failed ( or almost failed ) plenty throughout my life . I almost failed out of high school , much to the shock of most people who know me as an adult . I need to be good at everything I do , or everyone might find out that I am not as smart / capable / resourceful / functioning as I seem ( or as I think I seem ) . Knowing this about myself , I have chosen to embark upon a path that is littered with failure . There is no way in the world that I will raise a child successfully without failing at something . We all fail at some part of parenting , because we are all human . I realized this weekend , after sleeping in until 6 : 30 on Saturday and recovering precious sleep , that I need to embrace failure . I picked this motherhood path , not because I would be a perfect mother . I wanted to share the love I have with my husband with another person . I wanted to work on something hard and meaningful with him . I wanted to contribute someone awesome to the world . In order to do all those things , I have to fail and fail often . I now just have to learn how to accept my failures and failings . In the midst of my panic about my parenting and personal failures , I thought that I need to figure this out before Nora can remember me failing . Now I know this is wrong . I need to teach her how to fail well , to fail better . Every time that she learns something new , she will fail first . I want to show her and teach her that she can pick herself up and try again , try more passionately , try with more skill and experience . Not because she will one day be perfect , but because one day she will do better than the day before . This is what we are going to work towards , together . I get the impression that it 's pretty standard to get a little verklempt when packing up the adorable tiny clothes that no longer fit your adorable tiny person . I 'm no exception to the verklemptitude , as I 've discovered a few times already ; our five - month - old is wearing 9 month clothes , thanks to his weedy height , so I 've stashed two rounds of clothes into boxes so far with the requisite sniffle or two . But I 'm not sure if this next bit is as universal : I also get teary when I stow the clothes he can 't yet wear in the dresser : the rummage sale bargains , the gifts from family and friends . I try to imagine the boy that will be that tall , that broad , and I realize it will be a boy who doesn 't coo softly to himself . It will be a boy who doesn 't need help to stand - over and over and over again - so he can jump and dance . It will be a boy whose fluffy cloth - diapered butt doesn 't swing like he 's doing the hula as he balances precariously on two feet . It will be some other boy , who is in some ways still this familiar child and also someone else . And while watching this " becoming " is exciting and wonderful , there is so much I will miss about this boy as he is right this moment . To be frank , I never thought I would like the drooly , leaky , needy infant stage especially well . I always thought babies were cute in small enough doses , but I entered this journey because I wanted to parent a person , not because I wanted to have a baby , per se . As a former middle school teacher , I envisioned myself being both more adept with and partial to small people who were … well … more like small people than babies . You know : verbal , capable of feeding and pottying themselves , creative and funny and surprising . Since becoming a parent to this baby , however , I 've made some unexpected discoveries : I don 't mind diapers . The sleepless nights of nursing do eventually become routine and manageable . The neediness , while sometimes somewhat overwhelming , is also heart - breakingly sweet , like when he clutches tightly to my thumb to drift safely back to sleep at night . And the creativity and the humor seem to make their appearance even before the verbal skills . To my surprise , I have not yet been bored with the drooly , leaky , needy stage we 're mired in because even as those aspects stay monotonously static , something - and often many somethings - is new every single day . Something unexpected will trip his emerging sense of humor . He will be newly fascinated by some shape or color or texture and stare at it endlessly , reach for it over and over again . He will startle both himself and me with a noise he 's never made before , or in one swift movement , he will do something neither of us knew he could . He will practice his emerging skills with an unmistakable look of pride and excitement . I love bearing witness to this newness . I even love listening to him grumble with frustration as he chases an elusive ball or accidentally drops his spoon for the twentieth time just as he gets it to his mouth . He foams at the mouth when he fusses , by the way . I don 't know if that 's normal , but even those frothy mounds of spit bubbles are endearing in their own way as they mark the boundaries of the abilities he is constantly tShortly before the hobbit was born , a well - meaning supervisor pulled me aside after a training . " Go home , " she said . " Have a healthy baby . Love your baby . But don 't forget that you are a smart , talented woman , and you need something more than to stay home with your baby . " Even at the time , I remember feeling taken aback that she felt she could say this to me , since we 'd worked together for less than six months , and certainly had never become closer than colleagues . Still , her words are perhaps part of the reason that I have struggled mightily with the fact that I 've turned down two part - time jobs since Samwise 's birth , one of which was offered by that admonishing supervisor . To be fair , I have one part - time job already . To be more fair , it 's very part time , I do the vast majority of it from home , and I would love to drop it entirely . I know a lot of smart , talented women , many of whom have kids of their own . Like many , many women in our society , they are working moms . And among them , I often feel alone because virtually every one of them says that being a stay - at - home mom would not be or would not have been a good fit for them ; they need more . Or they at least need something else , part of the time . My feelings may change as my child changes , but for now , despite my record of chronic overachievement , I don 't feel that way . I love being home with my son , sharing these small moments with him , and I find myself reeling at how much he has already changed in the short months since his birth . Contributing to my current lack of employment enthusiasm is the fact that the work I do is something I do because it 's part time and from home , not because I am emotionally invested in it , which is something far different that what is faced by women who became pregnant when they have inspiring careers aligned to their passions . And , to be honest , I 'm intoxicated by working less because of the opportunity it offers for me to chip away at the list of personal passions for which full - time work in education ( especially the all - consuming , amorphous work hours known by those educators who are truly committed to education ) never allowed enough space : neglected writing projects , unread books , the development of groundwork for the first projects my husband and I will undertake with our shared business . But , like so many , many mothers , no matter what combination of work / partner / personal life / mothering balance they strike , I feel guilty . I feel like I should want something more or different . I feel that being content to be home with my child demonstrates a lack of ambition and a willingness to " waste " my talents . I feel somehow defective or lazy because I don 't long to be in a classroom or an office somewhere . At the very least , I feel decidedly unfeminist . I feel guilty that I don 't feel called to be superwoman , balancing full - time work and full - time mothering with aplomb . I feel guilty that I want a slower pace of life and that I am willing to take it as long as our budget can bear it . And because of the choices and needs of most of the mothers I know and respect , I also feel isolated . I question this decision . I window - shop for full - time jobs . When I start figuring the costs of child care , however , the likelihood that we 'd need to buy a second car or to move to a bigger city rather than continuing to share a home with my mom in Small Town USA ( a situation which has been a gift for both parties ) , and the fact that all these added expenses would mean that I 'd spend almost all my full - time income to cover the costs of taking a job … well , I haven 't yet seen a job compelling enough to inspire me to choose to pursue it beyond the window - shopping stage . I talked with a good friend about my guilt complex after I turned down the most recent job offering . She 's a university professor and mom to a preschooler ; with her husband 's self - employment status and her nontraditional hours , they cover all their child care needs between them . I don 't think she ever wanted to stay home full - time ; she 's one of the moms who was working her dream job when she got pregnant . Still , she was able to look at me and say exactly what I needed to hear : " You have a whole lot of years ahead of you to be a working mom . " All too soon , I will find myself in a classroom or an office again . Until then , however , I am going to try to set aside my guilt and just love this , right now . Putting away those clothes Samwise can 't yet wear - but will , very soon - is an exercise in understanding how much I will miss these transformative first months . I already do miss them . Each day I feel as though I am watching one day race into the next , bringing new wonder with it even as the miracles of earlier weeks grey and fade into forgetfulness . I feel so blessed to be able to be here to see it all and to mark its presence and passing . When life is full to bursting in this way , the last thing I want to spare space for is guilt . A graph illustrating the typical adaptation period with a newborn and new parents , given to me by my doula and tacked up on my refrigerator . On Tuesday , I turned thirty - five years old . At the beginning of the morning , I started making a list of all the things I was grateful for , hoping to get to at least thirty - five . I included gratitude for big things , like the addition of my daughter Nora into my life and the way my husband has embraced fatherhood , and for little things , like avocados and sleep sounds at night . I had high hopes to post it on Tuesday evening , in my twenty minutes of wakefulness after Nora goes to sleep . But then , I left my half - written list at work . No worries - I could rewrite a smaller list after Nora goes to sleep . But then , Nora fussed at her last nursing session and it took longer than normal for us to get her to sleep . And then , a friend called to wish me happy birthday and I had a short whispered conversation with her . And then , I had to return my mom 's two calls . Suddenly , it was nine o ' clock and I was crawling into bed , with no list and no plans for writing one . This is my life now , I thought , before passing out cold . I would have posted my list on Wednesday , but like many WordPress bloggers , I decided to black out my site to protest SOPA & PIPA . Then on Thursday , I got food poisoning . Blech . Now , my aptly numbered list of gratitude seems less and less important the further I get from a timely posting . Instead , I want to express my gratitude for one thing : time . On Wednesday , I went to the same New Mama 's class that I have been attending since Nora was two and a half weeks old . I was exhausted and numb and I had no idea what I was doing as a mother . All of the other mothers seemed much more together and their older babies were awake and reactive . I attended each week , got to know some of the moms , and slowly I 've gained my footing as a mom . I know that a lot of my newly gained confidence came from listening to the older moms and attending that class . As the " older " moms gained more experience and returned to work , they dropped off the class and newer moms joined . On Wednesday , I was the mom with the oldest baby , outside of the teacher . I listened as moms of three - week olds and five - week olds talked about the difficulty of mothering brand new babies . Their babies only sleep and eat and want to be held . They have trouble going to the bathroom , for fear that their babies will need yet another nursing session . They curse their Moby wraps , for being too hard to figure out on 2 hours of sleep . I thought to myself , " Oh yeah , that 's right . This was really effing hard at first . " I remembered how many times I broke down sobbing , because Nora wouldn 't latch properly or I couldn 't leave the house because she screamed each time she went in a carrier or car seat . I remembered having to set my alarm to wake her to eat every two hours at night and cursing her when she would wake up fifteen minutes before the alarm sounded . I remember feeling , above everything else , that surely I was the most incompetent mother who walked the earth , because I couldn 't do any of it . I could manage registration and counsel wayward students at work , but I couldn 't get my baby to stop crying . That was the hardest for me , the feeling that I couldn 't master one single skill and floundered at all of them . Listening to them , I realized how far I 've come in just fifteen weeks . It 's not to say that it 's no longer hard or I 've figured everything out . I haven 't , not by a long shot . I know I 've got years and years of learning how to do all of this . But I 've grown accustomed to the work . I 've had time to develop a few systems and screw up a few times . I 've untangled the Moby wrap and I 've learned how to pee with the baby in another room . * I 've gained competence at the basic skills of keeping a baby alive , fed and happy , after weeks of drowning in incompetence . It 's also helped that Nora , through the gift of time , is becoming more self - sufficient . She can play on a blanket for ten whole minutes at a stretch . She no longer fusses when I put in her one of our carriers . She nurses like a pro . She 's also smiling and babbling and every day becoming more like a person and less like an eating - sleeping - pooping machine . I 'm grateful that I 've had the time to watch her develop and to figure some of this out on my own ( and with the help of other more experienced mamas ) . I 'm so grateful that I 'm having this experience in my middle thirties , since I know so much more about myself than I did when I was in my middle twenties or even early thirties . And frankly , I 'm grateful that I never have to go back to those days of parenting a brand new baby and that overwhelming feeling of desperate incompetence . That time is long gone . * I know that just by writing this , I 'm jinxing myself . Nora will now proceed to go on a nursing strike and nap strike after starting teething early . I 'm doomed .
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I 'm considering starting some sort of social networking page for my writing if enough people would be interested in following . Most likely it will be Twitter . This is mostly so I don 't lose touch with you lovely readers when I go on hiatus ( it happens , silly life ) . Comment or feedback to let me know if this is something I should bother with or if I 'm just flattering myself . Brady got on the Interstate 45 feeder and turned into the shopping center . Ezra 's stomach made a little gurgling noise . Brady smiled and pulled Ezra close to kiss his forehead . " I bet that last time you came had less to do with me and more to do with the thoughts of a Chinese buffet , " he teased . Brady yanked the keys from the ignition . " Well , I thank you for sparing my pride . " Brady stepped out of the truck with a bounce in his step . He was feeling so happy , and he knew part of it had to do with the morning of nothing but love making , naked cuddling , and napping . There was more though . If it was even possible , he was more in love . " So , Brady , " Grace said . " I noticed you weren 't in class today . " The smile on her face revealed that she knew exactly what had been happening . Brady cleared his throat and laughed . " Yeah , sudden sickness that disappeared just now . Let 's go get food . Grace , I just saw them bring out some fresh Mongolian pork . " " Oh , my cousin was supposed to be meeting me . He 's late , but no big deal . I could stay here all stinkin ' day . " The waitress came and refilled Grace 's glass of water . The liquid was gone before the waitress turned to walk away , not that it mattered to Grace , who waddled as fast as she could to get more of the pork from the buffet . Ezra watched her , smiling . " She 's so happy to be a mom , " he commented . Grace returned , sighing . " You know , when I saw that little pink plus I swore I wouldn 't be a stereotype . But , yeah , I am . And I don 't care anymore . " Ezra asked Grace a few questions that she gladly answered . Things about how far along she was , names for the babies , all the nice gear that Grace 's well - to - do relatives had floated her way to get out of a baby shower obligation . Things Brady hadn 't even realized Ezra would be interested in . He 'd always assumed that they wouldn 't have kids , not just because that was biologically impossible , but because Brady had never seen himself as a parent . That was before Ezra . Brady briefly daydreamed of Ezra holding a little bundle of pink and it made sense to him . It felt natural . Ezra was so loving and gentle , any baby would be lucky to be his , and Brady would love and protect anything that was an extension of his love for Ezra . He hoped that one day it would be more than a daydream . With so many children desperate for love , surely at some point in their lifetime , adoption would be possible . Brady had been so caught up in his thoughts , he hadn 't realized Grace pointing out the window . " There 's my cousin . Late as usual . I swear , don 't know what to do with that boy . " Brady shifted uncomfortably as Myles entered the restaurant . He knew that Myles recognized them by the light blush that faded before he arrived . Grace was oblivious to the fact that they all knew each other and made introductions . Myles kept his face in a mask of indifference . In the past , this would have irked Brady , but now he could understand the motive of confused feelings and made no move to reveal the events of the night before . Myles trudged up the stairs to his apartment . He threw his bag by the door . He wasn 't normally a sloppy person , but he was tired . He replied to a text from Grace , lying about a headache and a nap in his future . Well , the headache wasn 't a lie , but the nap was . He felt exhausted and yet knew that if he laid down , he 'd remain wide awake . He managed a smile as he tossed a few pellets of food to his hamster , Angie . He even let himself imagine that the look in her beady little eyes was one of gratitude and not the desire to nibble a hole through yet another of his shirts . He watched her stuff the pellets in her mouth and carefully shuffle into her soup can to arrange the pellets into a pyramid . He decided at least one of them should have a good day , so he tossed a treat in as well . The sound of her nibbling filled his otherwise empty apartment . Even though he knew he wouldn 't sleep , he crashed on his bed anyway . He considered crying , but decided against it . He 'd dealt with depression since he was about nine . He could get over this funk . He 'd done so for ten years , with no one ever having the slightest clue . Except Grace . Grace always knew . Just like she knew about the cuts he hid with long sleeves when they were twelve . And the pills at thirteen . And the drinking at fifteen . And about the car accident that wasn 't entirely an accident when they were sixteen . He knew she would find out soon enough about the dangerous , self destructive fooling around . Especially if she was now hanging around with that couple from the other night . But he lied to himself . Told himself he was glad for a rest from her constant mothering . But he did want her to find out . And to come knocking on his door , ready to do anything to slap him out of it . She would make him a meal , make him go to sleep , be there when he woke up to give him an equal amount of hugs and slaps upside the head . She would put her arm around him , ask him to go see someone about this . He would shrug , claim to feel totally better . He would believe it for a while . But then , he 'd be back into the same spiral . It didn 't matter how hard he tried to fight it . How much money he spent on new distractions . It never worked . It never really had , except once . After his second surgery , when downing a bottle of painkillers had seemed mightily appealing and Grace had arrived with a box of rodent supplies and , in a smaller cardboard carton with air - holes , there was Angie . At first , he had eyed her with the same smoldering anger and sadness that veiled everything in his life . But then she grew on him . And he grew fond of watching her run around and play . He sighed and sat up , glancing at Angie 's quiet cage . He hated it , but he knew deep down what would take away what little strength he had left . Angie just wasn 't playful anymore . She was getting old and had truthfully outlived his expectations . Myles hated the thoughts swirling around in his head . He wanted to sleep . Though he didn 't often allow himself to take that road , he went to his medicine cabinet and took a dose of cough suppressant . He woke up at noon , rolling over . His hair felt grungy . His mouth tasted bad . He went and took a quick shower , but it didn 't make him feel better . He picked up the bag of treats and shook it next to Angie 's cage . Usually she would peek out of her hiding spot . Cold dread washed over him . He couldn 't bring himself to open the cage door . He dropped the bag , slowly dragged himself to his phone . It was dead . He didn 't feel like plugging it in . Didn 't feel like doing anything . He wondered when it had happened and felt guilty for sleeping through it . He wondered what he was even going to do . He stepped outside into the breezeway , hoping for fresh air . He glanced out at the grassy area and wondered if anyone would complain if he buried Angie there . And he wondered how he would even do it with no shovel or anything . He heard people laughing as they came up the stairs and ignored it . They would just pass him by , surely . His apartment was across from an elderly woman and surely they weren 't there for her and he knew they weren 't there for him . They were probably on their way to the top floor apartments . Myles heard a deep voice say , " Go on without me , " and then felt a big hand on his shoulder . He turned around to see Derek 's face . His heart raced and he felt his face get hot . " Hey , " Derek said . " Thought that was you . Glad to see you 're alright . . . " Derek paused and leaned down to meet Myles ' averted gaze . " Wait , are you alright ? " Myles was about to give his standard headache line , but for some reason the truth slipped out in a whisper . " My hamster died . " Myles expected to be laughed at . A big guy like Derek would think he was pathetic . Myles stiffened , knowing when he was being made fun of . But there was something about Derek 's eyes when Myles finally met his gaze . Derek wasn 't making fun of him , or even joking to lighten the mood . " I love all animals , " Derek said . " So it was hard to flush the little fish . You probably think it 's a bit stupid for a grown person to be torn up about that . " Myles nodded . He felt a lot of comfort , but he knew that he couldn 't let Derek stay . He was still having those stupid feelings . Hadn 't the Brian fiasco gotten it out of his system ? Or the debacle before that ? Why couldn 't he stop that self destructive tendency ? Myles shakily said , " Yes . " Despite the voices in his head warning him not to . Myles let Derek follow him into his silent apartment , over to the silent wire cage . Derek leaned down and looked inside . " Her . . . " Myles said softly . " Please . . . " He coughed . He was not going to cry in front of this guy . Or anyone . No one could know that he was so upset about a little rodent . Derek 's large hands were steady as he pried open the door with his thumb and index finger , carefully reached inside , and picked up the soup can . " Got a shoe box ? " Derek asked . Myles went to his closet and dumped a new pair of Converse out of their box . He wondered what Derek would say to the friends that had gone on to do their thing without him . If they would all laugh at him later . Once Angie was safely in the shoe box , Derek stepped outside . Myles remained in the apartment . He looked at his phone , considering plugging it in and calling Grace . Before he could decide , Derek was back at the door . " You don 't have to . . . " Myles said . His voice was so soft , he knew right away Derek would think he was just saying that . But he did mean it . He wasn 't exactly used to having anyone other than Grace around when he fell into one of his spells . Myles looked at his shoes as he followed Derek outside . Derek insisted that he do all the work . Myles stood awkwardly , trying not to watch the faint shimmer of exertion gathering on Derek 's muscular arms . After twenty minutes of careful shaping of the deep hole , Angie was given a proper burial . Derek even insisted on stealing a smooth stone from the landscaping to mark her spot . Even though Myles knew that the rock would probably get tossed by a lawn mower , he was glad it was there . He thanked Derek for helping out , but saw that the group Derek had arrived with was in the parking lot . Derek put his arm around Myles . The blond fought the urge to melt into that light embrace . Derek patted Myles ' shoulder again and smiled at him . This was a different kind of smile , a private one . Every bit as glorious as Derek 's wide grin , but it made Myles gulp for air . Myles trudged back to his apartment as Derek jogged to talk to his friends . He sat on his couch , not wanting to see the empty cage where his pet had lived for years . He had given up trying to pretend he wasn 't sad about it . And surprisingly , though he was still upset , he felt less crazy . Like maybe he wouldn 't go into a total tail spin over this . He finally got around to plugging in his cell phone . He had two missed calls , one from Grace and one from his mom . His mom probably just wanted to know why he hadn 't called that " decent girl with a well connected father " so he elected to ignore her . " I 'm actually OK . A friend helped me out . " As he said the word ' friend ' there was a knock at his door . He went to see who it was as Grace talked about getting her wedding band back from the jeweler that morning . Derek was standing at the door with a pizza box in his hand . " Grace . . . Grace , someone 's here to see me . " Myles nodded and let Derek in , realizing for the first time how out of place Derek looked in his apartment . He realized no one but Grace and the guy who delivered Chinese take - out had ever even stepped foot in his apartment . " Do you want to heat it up in the oven ? " Derek asked . Myles nodded and got a cookie sheet out for Derek , who put the oven on low heat and set the timer . Myles didn 't mind how Derek acted so at home . He actually preferred it . He had no real experience at playing host . As he watched Derek bend slightly to adjust the heat on the oven , he was glad . He wondered if maybe this meant he was learning to be less anxious . Maybe he could have friends over . He 'd had to make friends first . Myles provided a trash bag and a cardboard box and Derek began to clean and store the now useless pet supplies . Myles ' phone played the Imperial March from Star Wars and he groaned , knowing it was his mother . He didn 't really feel like talking to her , but knew that if he didn 't she would just keep calling . " Hello , " he said into the phone . He literally felt like he was deflating . He hadn 't realized how good of a mood he 'd been in until she called . " She 's a decent looking girl . You must not want your father to be governor . He needs her father 's support . He holds a lot of sway with the Baptists . You do so little as it is , it 's the least you could do . Honestly , Myles , I 'm shocked . Your sister is at Rice campaigning for your father and yet you do nothing . I doubt one date will cut into your busy schedule doing absolutely nothing important . . . " " She 's decent looking girl , Myles . Are you out of money yet again ? I don 't see why you cost so much money . Your sister got so many scholarships . I know you aren 't that smart , but you never really apply yourself . " " Myles , you will call this girl and you will pleasantly ask her on a date . Once you have a day and time , you need to get here as soon as possible so I can make sure you have some idea of how to act . You 're so sullen and disagreeable . I wish we had someone else to offer up . But all that man wants is to set his ugly daughter up with someone . He knows the heifer won 't get anyone else . You 're probably the best she can do . " " You 'll need a haircut , of course . And probably a shave . I swear , anyone would think you were raised by pigs with the way you act . It is absolutely horrid and disgusting . " " Bye , Mom . " Myles pressed the end call button and turned his phone off . He sighed and put the phone back on the charger . Grace would probably call him tomorrow and he actually wanted to talk to her . Myles felt like he should make some lighthearted response , but he wasn 't in the mood anymore . His emotions had gone up and down so much in the past few hours he felt like he might be sick . He already felt shaky . He hated the constant belittling . Most of it came from his mother . His father was much too cold and calculating for that behavior . So much so , that Myles was almost sure that good ol ' Dad knew the dirt that Myles had gathered on one of his main competitors . And there was no way that his father would allow him to drift so far away that he couldn 't be bribed and guilted into letting that leak to the local media . Myles was afraid that his nervousness was becoming entirely too obvious . He 'd done alright while eating pizza , even managing not to blush when Derek joked about how much Myles could eat for such a skinny guy . Myles considered himself to be about the most inept conversationalist ever , but Derek kept the talk running smoothly . To Myles ' surprise , Derek didn 't excuse himself after the meal . Not knowing what to do , Myles flipped on the TV . They sat , watching the first X - Men movie in silence . grim _ grinning _ ghosts , Nickoteeen13 and 16 other people favorited this story ! Recent Commentsby AnonymousThere are no recent comments ( 10 older comments ) - Click here to add a comment to this story or Show more comments or Read All User Comments ( 10 ) Add a CommentPreviewThis is a preview of how your comment will appear . 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Oh , I could get lost in the serenity of this quilt . The colors , the sea shells ; I can almost smell the wonderful sea breeze . Part of that might be because I purchased the fabrics while in San Diego , but I 'd like to think it 's the quilt . ; ) I am so excited to have this one finished , for a couple of reasons . First , I love the fabrics in this quilt . It 's made almost completely from leftovers of another quilt I made , and they are so soft and calming . Second , I tried hand stitching the binding , which was a very slow process but I learned a lot from it and am now thinking about applique projects I might be interested in trying . Later . Not now . I just don 't have time for that right now . It felt like the binding took f - o - r - e - v - e - r . . . I 'm not a huge fan of patterns , I 've mentioned that before , so I kind of made this up on my own as I went . I like how it turned out . The brown is a little bold , but so is the pink so they can balance each other out . The backing was a bargain fabric that I blogged about here , and I am in love with it . Too bad I didn 't buy more . : ) I wanted to do a simple quilting pattern , so I just did a medium - sized meander on the shells and left the solid colors alone . It seems to compliment the pattern and the feel of the fabric well , and I was really happy with how it turned out . Then it came time to do the binding . I blogged about the binding here , and was hoping to have it finished within a couple of days . No luck . Too many distractions and the slow pace of being a new hand - stitcher really slowed down progress . I am pleased with how it turned out , although it does feel like I have a lot more practice to do before I am confident in my hand - stitching skills . Since I already had all of the equipment out , I decided to hand - stitch the label , too ( something I don 't usually do ) . That went very quickly and turned out nice . I am super happy that I decided to do that . This quilt really came together nicely . It makes me want to go back to the beach . Here we are at the end of summer though , so this quilt will have to get me through until we can go back next summer . I am linking up with Crazy Mom Quilts for Finish Friday . Have a great weekend , and thanks for stopping by ! A few people have been blogging about the organization of their stashes , and showed photo 's of what they did and how they did it . I was curious . Could I improve the system I had ? It 's something that is constantly evolving , so shouldn 't the organization evolve , too ? When my daughter was born , all my fabric went into bins and were shoved into her closet until I could figure out something better . But , every day during nap time I would be inspired to do something and couldn 't because it was all in her room . Sooo . . . I decided to pull it all out and display it ; in my front room ( which also happens to be my sewing room ) . We have a couple of black shelving units that , pre - children , were filled with photo albums and decorative knick - knacks . Children arrived and it became filled with toy baskets and children 's books . So , on the very top shelf , where little hands can 't quite reach yet , I folded and stacked my stash by color and genre . The second shelf includes my rainbow of fabrics . I only have 2 orange pieces in my stash , and I snagged both of those from my mom 's stash . I have a lot more brown 's and yellows than I would have thought , and not as many blues as I would have thought . It has been interesting to see all of it laid out like this . I think it will be easier for me to use up , though , which was one of my goals for myself this year . Admittedly , this isn 't quite all of it . I still have a bin with leftovers from quilts I have finished , and another bin filled with fabric sets I plan to turn into quilts eventually . I also have a couple of projects boxes that are in the works , even if that only means the fabric has been sorted and the pattern selected . Even still , it 's a pretty sad little stash . Maybe some day I will accumulate more . For now , I am hoping I can get some smaller projects done with everything out here for me to work on . It seems more and more , I put things off for " later in the day " , but when " later in the day " comes I have forgotten to do whatever it was I needed to do . This post is one of those times . I had everything ready to go , I just forgot to actually do it . : / No worries , because I 'm doing it now . Better late than never , right ? ! ? I actually posted a couple of weeks ago about trying to can my own peaches . I was so nervous about it . How would they look ? Would they seal ? How would they taste when we pull them out of their jars ? So many questions , and I didn 't even list the ones about how to actually DO the canning . So , I had to just jump in and do it . I started by blanching the peaches and peeling the skins off . I only had 6 - 8 peaches for this first try so I could see how it goes . All but one of them peeled wonderfully . Okay , step one done . I sliced up the peeled peaches and put them into the jars ( I opted for cold packing ) and then I heated up the sugar water mix . Of course , this whole time I had the hot - water bath going so it was ready for the jars . Once the syrup was ready , I poured it into the jars with the fruit , but the lids on , threw them into the hot - water bath and crossed my fingers I had done everything right . I waited the prescribed amount of time and pulled them out to cool . I got my pings and knew they had sealed , but it was just a matter of whether they taste alright . You can see there was still room in those jars , but when you 're filling them , it doesn 't feel that way . Next time I will overfill them in hopes they will settle again and fit perfectly . I was a little afraid to open the jar to find out if they were any good . I finally got the courage and opened one up . It smelled good , so I served it up for myself the kids and we tried them out . Well , they were a hit ! It was a little too sweet for my taste and I might look into using juice next time , but the kids LOVED them ! They wanted more and more . I only got to taste one piece because they ate the rest . I am so glad it went well . I am feeling more confident now and am ready to try pears . We 'll see how that goes . Okay , this turned out to be a super long post , but I was super excited about this ! I can 't believe how easy it was to can ! I am really looking forward to doing this again , and with more produce . Maybe I can get some real stock built up to " last through the winter " . ; ) My son 't birthday is coming up and we decided to have a little birthday party this year for him . We are inviting some other kids to come out and play for a couple of hours ; enjoy some cupcakes and ice cream and , in a way , say goodbye to summer ( although kids here have been in school for a few weeks already ) . I wanted to put some invitations together , but not to anything fancy . It is a kids party after all . I went through my collection of stamps and found " Birthday Invitation " and " It 's Your Day " from Close to my Heart , which are both invitation collections . I combined these two to create the layout . I used a retired Stampin ' Up punch to make the layers of the cake and then used pop - up stickers to give the card some dimension . These little guys whipped up pretty quickly . They are already in the mail and on their way to the recipients . Here 's hopin ' it 's a fun day with nice weather . Working on names for this beauty . I figured I would play off of the bear paw pattern and the honey , honey fabric line I 'm using to make it . I suppose " Bear Paw in the Honey Jar " is a little long , but maybe there 's some way I can shorten it a bit . I 'm at the layout stage ( these pictures were taken at about 11pm , so sorry for the bad lighting ) . It 's a lot easier to see what needs to change when you look at a picture instead of looking at the real thing . I 'm not sure why ? Maybe because it 's smaller and easier to see how the colors are working together ? It 's like my eye needs to figure out what the bright color is and where it 's concentrated . At the end of the day , the changes I made are probably only things I can see . But , they are also things I would probably obsess over after - the - fact so , better to take the time now . Okay , that 's it ! That 's the one ! Now to sew all the sashing on and see if I can 't get this baby finished . Maybe by next month ? ; ) Still working on the rainbow quilt . Pressing my luck to see if I might be able to find more fabric , or at least some nice complimentary fabric to use for a border . The hand - stitched binding of the beach quilt is coming along ; I only have one short side left . I can do it ! I am also trying to figure out how to re - work my stash so it 's easier to see everything I have . Having it organized in bins is nice , but not helpful when it comes to motivation or last minute fill - ins . It also limits me when , on the rare occasion , I am inspired to do a small project like a little bag or basket . Let 's see what we can do . So , busy , busy . I have been quite distracted by my son 's upcoming birthday as well . It will be his first party with friends , so it 's exciting ! I am linking up with Freshly Pieced for WIP Wednesday . Looking forward to seeing what everyone else is working on . So , I was experimenting with a recipe I found on Favorite Family Recipes called Hawaiian Beef Teriyaki . I liked that it was real simple to marinate and cook , and the meat was really soft and tasty . I was really happy with the recipe , but I couldn 't help but wonder what else I could do with it . I had leftovers and was playing around and decided to make a sandwich . I thickened the sauce a little , and O - M - G ! You need to know the quick back - story . There 's a restaurant in town called Risky Business . There used to be one right up the street , but they closed and now the only locations are about an hour away ; too far with 2 little ones in tow . It 's exciting when I get to go , though , because they have a sandwich called the Steak San Diego . It 's such a wonderful balance of sweet and savory , and I just cannot get enough of it ! So , I bit into this little creation I came up with and was utterly speechless ( mostly because I couldn 't stop eating ) at the fact that it tasted just like my favorite sandwich ! I can actually have this at home whenever I want ! YEAH ! On top of that , it 's pretty simple to make , and something that you can put together during nap time so it 's ready to cook and serve at dinner time . Love that ! Mix together the pineapple with juice , the soy sauce , brown sugar , garlic , and ginger . Reserve 1 / 2 c of the sauce mix ; cover and refrigerate . Add beef to the marinade and refrigerate at least 4 hours . On prepared grill at medium - high heat , grill steak about 1 - 2 minutes to desired doneness . Remove and place in large saucepan . ( I have also cooked this on the stove top in a pan and it also works great ! ) Add reserved sauce to the meat and heat to a simmer . Mix water and cornstarch together and add it to the meat . Heat through and allow sauce to thicken . Meanwhile , toast the rolls with 2 slices of cheese on each . Add the meat to the roll and serve . If desired , serve with pineapple slices ( grilled or not ) . You can also saute some onions and add that to the sandwich ; tastes amazing . * Quick Tip : To slice meat super thin , put it in the freezer for a little bit before cutting . You don 't want it frozen solid , but it 's easier to slice thin if it 's a little more firm on the outside . For years many of my fellow quilters have been trying to get me to try hand - binding a quilt . I admit , it looks really nice to have a clean , invisible finish to a quilt , but man is it time - consuming . And let 's face it , with kiddos at home you just don 't have much time . My priority has always been elsewhere . Then I started working on my latest seashell quilt . I am really trying to use up the fabric I have ( the top is made completely from leftovers from a previous quilt ) and I only had enough fabric left in the blue to make a 2 1 / 4 inch binding . Pretty small . So , to maximize my fabric 's capabilities , I decided it was time to try this hand - binding thing . First , I need to get the cat off the quilt . He was holding it hostage until I handed out the good treats . : ) Once I got the cat off , I pulled out my needle , thread , and scissors and got to work . That first night I learned the value of a thimble . My finger was literally bloody from working the needle , and I only got one side done in 2 hours ! This was going to take a while . The next day I bought a thimble and was back to work . I am getting faster and managed to finished the second side in half the time ( of course it was half the length , but I am sure that 's not related , right ? ! ? ) . The third night I almost finished the third side , and now I am super close to being done . What usually takes me an hour or so has taken a few days . I have to admit , though , it looks super awesome and professional . I still need to work on my stitches , but this has me interested in applique work ( something else I have been dreading ) and I am feeling better about giving that a shot next . When I find the time . ; ) Linking up with Freshly Pieced for WIP Wednesday . I am really hoping to have a finish to report by the end of the week . We 'll see . . . So , everyone has their own way of making crispy chicken . It could be bread crumbs , or crackers , or in our house , corn flakes . The trick is making chicken that is juicy and not dried out . Chicken that is flavorful , not bland . So many years of trying to figure out how to make a good baked chicken that is yummy and people want more of and finally , I found the winner ! A couple of years ago , when my daughter was born , family friends came to visit and meet the new addition . She made this wonderful chicken , and I wanted to replicate it . I 've tried several things to get it just right , and found a couple of tricks to enhance the flavors . Now , it has become a regularly requested meal . Even the kids are on this meal ; we just call them chicken nuggets and they are all over it . It 's a real versatile dish , too . I can pair it with potato salad , mashed potatoes , mashed sweet potatoes , french fries , and all sorts of other wonderful things ! Preheat the oven to 375F . Crush the corn flakes in a plastic bag with a rolling pin and place them in a bowl . In a second bowl , combine the 2 eggs with the water . In a third bowl , combine the flour with the pepper and salt . Have a baking dish buttered and ready for the chicken to be placed into . Finally , pat the chicken dry . Now , you are ready to start dipping chicken . Dip the chicken in the flour mix . Coat it completely , and then dip it into the egg . Finally , dip it into the corn flake mix and place it into the baking dish . Repeat this process for each of the chicken pieces . When finished , place the chicken into the oven for 40 - 50 minutes , or until the chicken is no longer pink . About 5 minutes before the chicken is pulled out of the oven , melt the butter . When the chicken is finished , pull it out and pour the melted butter evenly on each piece of chicken . Let it sit for a few minutes before serving ( it needs time to rest and become a little more crusty ) . I have been experimenting with all sorts of things lately . I have been looking through my recipes and am finding a large number of them include onion soup mix or cream of something soup . In my pursuit to find alternatives , I have found that beef bouillon has MSG in it , as does onion soup mix . I 'll have to keep looking . I have found some cream soup recipes , including methods to make them in large batches that I am going to try out . I 'll keep you posted as I see what works . In the meantime , I have really wanted to try more of the canning . I tried one of the jars of jam I made , and it turned out better than I thought . The kids really liked it ! They were asking for more ! Fantastic ! I will continue practicing that . But I also wanted to try canning whole peaches and pears . Soo . . . I got everything ready and plan to try it out tomorrow . I have read a few different methods of cool packing and hot packing , and of course methods on skinning , which I have never tried either . It should be all new and interesting . Hoping it goes well . In the meantime , I had to make some of these chocolate - peanut buttery yummies . I 'm just playing with the recipe for now , but I am hoping to add it to my recipe box soon . My son thinks they are pretty awesome and was willing to do extra chores and eat extra veggies at dinner to get some of these little guys . Rock on ! So , I am working on this new quilt and I am so super stumped on how to layout the blocks . I still have some more fabric and want to make a few more blocks , but I don 't want to commit / cut anything until I am ready . The different choice could change what blocks I cut and sew . These are not the best pictures , sorry . My best quilting time is usually around 10pm . I am trying for a ' rainbow of flowers ' type of look . What do you think ? Leave me a comment on which you like best , or if there 's another layout I haven 't thought of yet and might be super cool ! Thanks so much ! This quilt evolved from an unfortunate addiction to buying fabric , and too much of it to boot . It was a lot of fun to work with , though . Here 's what happened ; my Mom found this Cat fabric line at Hancock 's and loved it so much , she literally purchased the bolts . We weren 't sure what we would do with it , but figured it would come to us . Fast forward a couple years and I came across these cute color - on - color fabrics at JoAnn 's . I immediately thought of these Cat fabrics , and wondered if they would go well together in a quilt . I had been wanting to try the Churn Dash pattern , and decided to go for it . I really was trying to maximize the use of the fabric . It 's very bright and fun . When I made it , I really had no idea what it would be for , other than great practice , but my daughter just loves it ! She likes all the kitty faces on the pink fabric the best . The orange border helped break up the cat fabric a bit , and really jumps out at you . ( Can you tell the different days of pictures ? Some sunny days , some rainy days ; neither provided good light . Oh well ) . Again , trying to use up as much of the fabric as possible , I pieced together some of the fabric on the back . I also got to practice some quilting . I made my own cat templates . They kind of look like snowmen with pointy ears on top . It was some of my early quilting , so not my best , but it turned out pretty well . I was very happy with it . The crazy thing is , I still have more fabric left . Six years later I am still not sure what to do with the fabric that 's still left . I am linking up with Crazy Mom Quilts for Finish Friday . Look forward to seeing what everyone else has finished up . Have a great weekend !
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Sometimes I wonder whether we 'd be better off just buying all our food at a supermarket and then I remember that even if we could source all the chicken , duck , fruit and vegetables that we 'd like , organically grown , that they would still have miles to travel to reach the kitchen and we 'd lose some of the vitamins and minerals that we 'll be accessing by the ground to table journey being just a few yards . And we 've chosen to use as few food miles as we can . So wherever possible , when we have to buy , we are buying from local producers , local farmers and local suppliers . Now I 'm not being unrealistic here , there are some things that I just can 't provide from our plot . We can 't grow our own bananas or olives and while pineapples are possible , they are probably not cost effective given the amount of space and heat that they 'd need to grow well ( given that I 'd eat one or two a week if I had the chance ! ) . Lots of herbs can be grown , but many spices can 't . We don 't have enough space for pigs , sheep and cows . So I know that if we are going to eat the foods we like to eat ( and because we both have food sensitivities , that we can eat ) we will have to buy from shops , farmer 's markets and stores . We could for example , just buy in all the organic produce instead of growing it , but it would be beyond our current budget . If I got a job to pay for half of the food , it would need to be one that was completely flexible over my hours of work and where would I find an employer who would be happy for me to stop and have a three hour sleep in the middle of the morning because I have worn myself out or start work at 4 . 30am because I am up or work at 10 at night on a Sunday ? By working on our smallholding , at my own pace and in my own time frame , I can contribute to our family finances by reducing the amount that we need to spend each week whilst also , and more importantly , taking more control of the quality of the food we eat . Not only are we growing food for ourselves ( and to some extent my daughter and sister ) , but also for the chickens . By supplementing the bought in organic chicken food , we can reduce those costs too . So I 've planted kale ( which neither of us like very much ) , sunflowers , spinach and other winter hardy greens that can either we can eat or can be given to the chickens . I hope that the chickens like plums and damsons as we have half a dozen large trees in the garden and although Mr J and I like plums , there is a limit to the number of plum crumbles , jars of jam , brown sauce and sticky plum sauce that two people can eat in a year . So earlier in the week , as a brief exercise and not at all in a scientific manner , I hopped onto the internet and did a mock online order of our average weekly shop of chicken , fruit and vegetables , only the ones that we are growing , to discover how much it would cost if we purchased all of those organic foods online . Once the basket got to £ 100 I stopped because without a doubt , growing in our own garden is worth it . This year , our first year on the smallholding , was always going to be a hectic and not totally productive one . Often , when I 'd like to be tending the garden , there are other jobs that need doing which are setting up tasks rather than productive tasks . For exThe other task that has surprised me with the length of time that it requires , is learning . I spend two to three hours a day reading , researching online , processing the information I 've read , making notes and keeping records . Although I have been gardening for over thirty years , there are many fruit and vegetables that I 've never bothered growing as I didn 't have the space to grow them or they were so cheap in the shops that it didn 't seem worth it . Now that we are eating organic produce and we have plenty of space , everything seems worth growing and so I am finding out just how much I don 't know ! Neither of us have kept chickens or ducks before so everything about them is new to us . It took a few months to feel confident handling the chickens and to start recognising their behaviour patterns and I am sure that learning about them will be a lifelong experience . We don 't handle the ducks at all , unless it 's absolutely necessary for their safety or health . They hadn 't been handled when we got them as adults and they get very upset when they are handled , so respecting that they aren 't comfortable with us touching them , we give them a wide berth unless it cannot be avoided . The ' having a few chickens ' idea started out as just that , we thought it would be nice to have a few chickens around and to have fresh eggs . As our confidence grew , we realised that there was a source of almost free food that we would be foolish not to make use of . But it 's a different mind set , needing a different approach and making the transition from a few pet chickens who , as a side benefit , lay lovely fresh eggs to raising birds for meat has been every bit as hard as I thought it might be . There are some chickens that are pets , Jack and Diesel for example , who came to us from my daughter 's home are very much pets . Even though they are getting less productive as egg layers , they will have a home with us until they die of natural causes . Big Red was our first born chick and although not a pet as such , it will be a very emotional day should we need to dispatch him and I have a big soft spot Little White who hatched a few hours after Big Red . By the time we got the Cream Legbar chickens we had already decided not to keep more hens as pets and so they were not named and were given a collective name , the highly imaginative ' The Legbars ' . Interestingly , when I put coloured rings on their legs and they could suddenly be identified individually , it became more difficult not to think of them as little individuals . They are , however , with us for a reason . We want blue eggs and once The Legbars become less productive they will become table birds . When we first tried blue shelled eggs from the supermarket we were surprised at just how rich yolks were and decided that we wanted these from our own hens . As we 've become more experienced , we 've realised that any of our birds ' eggs will have rich , deep yellow yolks because they are being fed good quality food and free range all the time , giving them access to fresh air and grass each day , all day . As they have only recently started laying , they will have a couple more years living in the field and enjoying doing what chickens do naturally before ' that ' time comes . But this raises another dilemma for us , we can 't wait for over two years to put meat on our table , so the decision was made to raise our own meat birds and the clutch of eggs from which Big Red and Little White were hatched were supposed to be our first meat birds . Well , that was a failure because only those two little chicks hatched and we grew very fond of them . Our next batch also failed , the incubator 's heater broke one night and left our eggs cold and dead . So , our third attempt to raise meat birds is almost at hatching stage . The eggs are due to hatch in three days time . Hopefully this time we will have enough birds hatching that we don 't get attached to them . We know what we are doing a little more now and we 've made the decision to not have them in a pen in the kitchen for the first couple of weeks . They will live in the boot room for a week , then they will be transferred to the chicken condo until they are a month or so old and no longer need a heated brooder before moving to their own outdoor house and pen . This distancing of the chickens will , I hope , help us to feel more detached whilst still being able to offer them the good life that we think they deserve before I dispatch them in a few months time . Once this most recent batch of eggs have hatched , I will clean the incubator and put in some more chicken eggs and some duck eggs . These have been laid by the ducks with no names ( that I call Frederick and Mrs Warne ) . They were sold to us as Aylesbury ducks , but I am not convinced that they are pure breeds . They are however , big healthy birds and I can see no reason that the eggs should not be fertile and it would be a valuable source of protein if we manage to raise some successfully . My brother - in - law has requested a duck for their Christmas lunch , should the hatching be successful . It 's not so much the hatching that worries me , but whether I can butcher them once we have fluffy little ducklings around the smallholding ! The kitchen garden is just starting to provide us with some food . We have been eating the first lettuces and herbs and this morning I checked to see how the broad beans are developing . I picked the largest pod and popped it open to find these little beans nestled inside . They really aren 't much bigger than garden peas , but still , I am going to enjoy that I have grown something new and in a couple more weeks we should be able to start harvesting them . There are some plants in the kitchen garden that have failed . My first sowing of spinach didn 't grow beyond three inches high before starting to go to seed , so I think that they didn 't get enough water , or perhaps I left them too long before planting them out or it is the result of the poor soil quality in the garden . The second sowing are now two inches high , I have planted them out more quickly , given them more space and in enriched soil , so I hope that they grow better . Some , like the cannellini beans , have been devoured by slugs despite going into the garden each morning to collect and dispose of all the slugs that I can find . We aren 't using any chemical pest control , so my options are to have beer traps , barriers or hand removing them . I have been hand removing them , but think that a few beer traps would also be a good idea . This weekend we will be taking our now regular trip to the garden centre to see if they have any cardboard boxes that we can have to use in the garden . Hopefully today we will finish the shed that will become the new chicken house with enough space for about 36 - 40 chickens , I will be preparing the incubator for hatching on Tuesday , finish making the latest compost heap with the spent grain collected from the local brewery a couple of days ago and complete creating the next raised bed . But first , as always , it 's time for a cuppa ! We had ordered some bits and pieces online , but we weren 't expecting them to arrive yet , so I was curious about the parcel . Inside the padded bag was a letter from Mr J 's niece , Helen . Amongst her news , she wrote that she had read on my blog that I wanted a compost thermometer and decided to send me one as a gift . So , I sat at the kitchen table with tears in my eyes because I was so touched by Helen 's generosity and thoughtfulness . It is so often the small acts of kindness that mean more than grand gestures , those moments when we reach out to others and connect with them at a personal level that are so special . After a cuppa , I headed back out to the kitchen garden , compost thermometer in hand . I plunged the thermometer into the compost heap pumpkin patch that we made a couple of days ago and the temperature was 52 degrees , a heat sufficient to break down the materials in the compost heap . The older compost heaps though were a different story . Both the compost bays with spent grain and straw have cooled to well below a temperature that will aid the breaking down of the materials , which might explain the less than pleasant aroma near them . So I need to find some green materials to add to the compost bays , there are plenty of weeds that I can lift from behind the piggeries to add to the compost bays , but I don 't think just adding it on top will be enough to restart the decomposition . So over the next few days , I will dismantle the compost bays ( one at a time ) , turn the contents of the bays and add in plenty of green material . I may need to add an accelerator too . I don 't have any comfrey large enough to use , so will cut down some stinging nettles from one of the patches that we have left in place as a home for the local butterfly population . The ' stinger ' patches are big enough to be able to harvest several bucket loads without depleting them too much . In the middle of last month , we created an outdoor run for the chicks , so that they could spend a little time each day ( weather permitting ) outside in the fresh air . You can read about it here ( Fences , hedges , paths and structures ) . We made it by strapping together some of the panels that my daughter 's chicken house had with it when we brought the henhouse from her home to ours . The chicks no longer need it as they are now housed in the chicken field in their own house with fixed run prior to joining the flock . This meant that the panels were available to use for something else if we needed them . And , yesterday we put them to good use . Our next batch of chicks are due in six days time and our plan is to keep them in the safe enclosure that we created in the boot room for the first few days . Big Red and Little White lived in this enclosure for a month and I took them outside from about 10 days old for a little while each day before returning them to the warmth of the brooder in the boot room . This time however , we expect there to be a few more chicks ( hopefully a dozen or more ) and we don 't want the noise and smell of a several small chickens to fill the house , so we have decided to have them in the boot room for up to a week before moving them to the chicken condo in the former stables . To have them in the chicken condo safely we needed to create a pen in which they 'll have room to run around but also be safe from any predators and from the older chickens for the first few weeks . So Mr J measured and cut a sheet of ply wood and fixed it to the panels to make a base . I then covered it with chicken wire and folded it around the sides to make it less easy for any rats to gnaw through the wood to access the little chicks inside . Then we turned it the right way up and put it onto a double length pallet that we 'd been given by the man who had delivered the plywood panels to us last month . A couple of screws fixed through the base of the new pen into the pallet secured it and stopped it from wobbling from side to side . We thought about fixing shallow sides around the pen to reduce draughts , but decided that we can lean these offcuts of plywood if need be , but the pen is inside the stable and so is fairly sheltered already and if it gets particularly windy , I can just prop these offcuts around the pen and then remove them when it calms down again . Mr J fixed the central roof panel in place and I will use cable ties to fix each of the roof end panels in place leaving one side tied with string . This way both roof end panels can be lifted up ( as though they are hinged ) for easy access for cleaning the pen , feeding the chicks and changing their water for fresh . The chicks will live in this pen from the end of week one until they are four to five weeks old when we 'll move them to housing outside so that they can start seeing the other chickens and they all get used to each other . As we have done with Big Red and Little White , I will allow the new chicks to experience outside for a while each day ( once they are big enough ) in a run that we 'll make in the next few weeks . We placed the brooder into the run to check where would be the best place for the electrics to live . Mr J found a small bedside table in the barn to use to sit the extension lead and plug on together with the adaptor for the brooder . By putting them on the lower shelf of the bedside table , they will be raised off the floor and also sheltered from any rain drops that may leak through the roof . We think we 've placed it where there are no leaks , but you never know ! I divided the stable into two by using old pieces of conservatory roof and a run panel that isn 't being used ( yet ) . The chickens looked a bit miffed for a while , but soon realised that I had moved their favourite dust bathing material into their half and settled down to flick dust over themselves in their almost daily ritual of dust bathing . A fresh layer of wood shavings on the floor around the new pen gave it a smart look , which I am sure won 't last for long , but yesterday it looked smart and ready for the new arrivals . Last night I made one final check of the eggs in the incubator to remove any that are infertile , the last thing I want at this stage is an egg exploding over the others . I am very disappointed with the Australorp eggs that we bought . We paid £ 45 for a dozen eggs and only four were fertile , whilst we paid £ 15 for a dozen white Jersey Giant eggs and ten are fertile . All we can hope for is that we get some females and a male Australorp so that we can increase the size of the flock . And hopefully , I can find another breeder and be able to either buy a couple of pullets ( young females ) or some more eggs to hatch . On Friday morning I spent a very happy hour in the area behind the piggeries starting to clear some of the semi - wilderness . I had been dreading tackling this , but the recent rain had softened the ground enough to make lifting the weeds a very simple task . Armed with leather gauntlet - style gloves , I was able to pull up stinging nettles , general weeds and brambles . I piled them into separate piles of compostable matter , stinging nettles ( to use to make a feed and tonic for the plants in the kitchen garden ) and pernicious weeds that I don 't want to go into the compost heap and end up in the garden . I cleared a space about twelve feet square , which hardly made a dent in the chaos , sorry the wildlife area , that we 've let grow while we started the kitchen garden and other areas of the smallholding . The soil at the back of the piggeries is probably the best in our garden , years of leaves falling from the trees and rotting down have made the soil dark , rich and friable . So , rather than letting this good soil stay unused , we 've decided to plant it up with some oca that I was given . Oca is an old vegetable that was replaced in popularity by potatoes , but in many ways they are easier to grow and less hassle than potatoes . They don 't need to be earthed up as they don 't go green and they store very well . I also spotted a couple of nice seedlings in the kitchen garden that have self - sown ( volunteers ) . Amongst the onions I spotted what I believe is a Virginia Creeper . It has just one large leaf and another smaller one just forming , so I 'm going to leave it until it 's about a foot high and then transplant it into a pot before deciding where it 's final home will be . I also found this seedling , which looks like some sort of fern . It is growing in the pea bed and I will leave it for a while yet to try to work out exactly what it is before deciding whether to lift and transplant it or dispose of it . If you know what it might be , please leave a comment to let me know . Mr J and I enlarged the bed to fill the allotted space and then to make use of it , as a productive area , before covering it in straw . And below is a short video of what we did . ( If you can 't view it on this blog page , you can find it on YouTube here ) . On Sunday the weather forecast said it was going to rain for a greater part of the day , so we got as many chores done as we could early in the day and then headed to my sister and brother - in - law 's home . They had offered us some waste wood as the roof of their house is being replaced and they offered us the old battens from their roof . So after a nice cuppa and catch up , we loaded up the van with two by one battens and then some old fencing posts that they didn 't need . My brother - in - law kindly used his chain saw to cut a pointed end to each post so that they are ready for us to use right away and then , to my delight , he also gave us almost a full roll of chicken wire . It 's a win - win situation , they no longer want the wood or wire and we do , so their garden is cleared of unwanted materials and we have more resources to enable us to complete even more tasks sooner rather than later . While we were there , my sister asked me to ' go and have a look behind her shed ' . When I 'd finished laughing and double checked that this wasn 't a euphemism , I duly wandered around to see the area behind the shed . It is absolutely filled with foxgloves and as a result , was alive with bees feasting on the nectar . She has invited me to lift some young foxglove plants for the garden which I will do in early autumn and transplant them to the young hedge that surrounds our plot . I won 't put them into the herbaceous border as I have white foxgloves there and would quite like to keep them as white ones as long as I can , so to avoid too much cross pollination , the pink ones will be planted away from them . After lunch the predicted rain paused for a couple of hours , so I headed back out into the garden to get as many plants as I could into the ground before the next downpour . I have a lot of young plants that have been hardened off outside the greenhouse and they are starting to show evidence of stress as they will have used all the nutrients in the soil in their pots . I planted this lovely ornamental cherry tree that my daughter gave me for Mother 's Day . It arrived in the post as a ten to twelve inch high sapling and has now more than doubled in height and is strong and healthy . Around the tree I have placed a layer of cardboard and mulched it with straw , my main reason for doing this is to protect it from the strimmer or lawn mower rather than to reduce competition from weeds ( which is also a useful side effect of the mulching layer ) . Over the weekend one of the Cream Legbar chickens started to become broody , she sat in the nesting box of the henhouse that most of the chickens sleep in for half of Saturday and most of Sunday . Mr J and I talked through our options , it would after all , be nice if one of the chickens would raise a brood of chicks rather than us being surrogate parents , but we currently have 18 fertile eggs in the incubator which are due to hatch in eight days time and we weren 't sure that we 'd have enough quiet spaces for this broody hen to live while sitting on some eggs . It was good to talk through our options and work out where we could or would put the chicks from the incubator and a broody hen space . We have a small henhouse that could be used for a broody hen , so very carefully I moved her to the small house and we put water and food in it and left her there to settle down again . This morning , she was scratching to come out , had kicked the eggs all around the little house and was decidedly unimpressed with being in the small house . So for yesterday at least , that was a broody fail . I will keep a close watch on her in case she decides to nest in the large henhouse again and I 'll have another try at moving her to a quieter place . I 've just been out to check on the chicken that was in a broody mood , she is back in the larger henhouse again , puffed up , low down on the wood shavings making little bok bok noises . The eggs that were in the small house that I moved her to ( and that she abandoned this morning ) have been attacked by the other chickens . I have no idea which of them started it , but when I walked around the corner of the shed to see what the commotion was , there were three hens and the cockerel in the small house having an ' egg fest ' . They haven 't touched the eggs that have been laid today in the usual nesting boxes , so perhaps they pecked at them because they were in an unusual place and there was a small container of chicken food in the house too . Today we plan to start making the nursery area for the chicks that are due on 28th June . Once they are hatched they spend the first 24 hours in the incubator and will then be moved into the small secluded pen that we have set up in the boot room . This will only be large enough for them for a few days ( it was fine for just the two chicks that hatched last time , but it won 't be for more than four or five chicks for long ) and then we plan to move them to the chicken condo that we 've created in the old stables . They can have a slightly larger space with their water , food and the brooder in it ( an electrically heated platform that they can nest under to stay warm that acts as a surrogate mother , for the warmth at least ) . They will live in their nursery area until they are four weeks old and then we 'll move them into their own house and run in the chicken field until they are eight weeks old and can join the main flock . Broody hen update - she spent most of the day on the nest again , coming out a couple of times for food . Tonight she is still on her chosen nest space with the other hens going to sleep around her , it hardly seems like a restful space . We will think again about finding a dark and quiet place for her to be moved to . We are creating a gentler , cleaner and more healthy life for our family . I share my home with my loving partner , Mr J and our two cats . We keep hybrid , Cream Legbar , Jersey Giant and Australorp chickens and Aylesbury ducks and have an organic kitchen garden and food forest in which to grown our fruit and vegetables . I 'm currently exploring permaculture as a way of life .
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The Danga Bay Marina is gone ! They have started filling the area where we were docked just a couple of weeks earlier . The barge moved in , banged up against one of the pilings and pushed it into a lean , got his anchor chain caught onthe wrong side of another piling and generally had a difficult time getting situated in the tight spaces between the little stationary tug barge and pilings . Soon , though he began spewing sand off the end of the conveyor belt . When they leave , there is always a lot of churning water as their props are partially out of the water as they 've dumped their load and the entire boat has risen in the water by a few feet . I 'm finding it pretty interesting to watch this whole process . By the end of the day , you can see how much sand has already been dumped by a couple of big sand barges . They rush in on the high tide and have to get out as soon as possible so another barge can come in and dump more while the water is deep enough for them to get in close enough to put the sand where it is wanted close to the shore . Seems there is always one last barge that stays too long and has to struggle to get turned around and get out in the shallowing water . Jason in the " Yachtie Room " at Danga Bay Marina Club . We spent our days in this air - conditioned room with free wifi . It 's just too hot to sit on the boat during the day . Since there is nobody staying at the marina , we had good internet speed and got a lot done ! The marina manager is being paid to do nothing until the ' new marina ' gets built . They want to build a small marina for mega - yachts . Nobody wants to deal with us little yachties . We aren 't really clear just where that new marina is to be . If they keep piling sand on both sides of this river , there won 't be room for a mega - yacht to get this far . We noticed this monitor lizard on a ledge of a building walkway near downtown Johor Bahru ; he wasn 't happy he was spotted and attacked his mirror image in a glass door before trying to escape away from out attention . We were coming back from submitting our applications for a visa to visit India . We need visas before we leave for India and there are very few places for us to get them . They require that we fill out the forms online as they won 't take hand written application forms any more . The system is designed to introduce you to the frustrating bureaucracy that requires infinite patience to deal with it . I felt like banging my head on the door like the lizard had done . They require biometric finger prints so we must submit the application in person . They seemed almost unable to deal with my new passport as it didn 't have a stamp showing I was even in Malaysia . Luckily , I had my old passport with the Immigration stamp date matching the issue date of the new passport , so they accepted our explanation and the submission of the application , but reminded us repeatedly that there were no refunds , even if the visas were denied . And they don 't give reasons for why they don 't give you the visa requested . Just throw lots of money out there and hope someone is feeling happy that day . We met up with a fellow Antares ( the new company name after PDQ went bust ) catamaran owner who happened to be in Singapore for a few months . He wanted to talk about our experiences , so we headed across to Singapore for the day and he picked us up in his car and drove us around downtown Singapore showing us the sights we hadn 't seen on our passport runs over here . Christian 's cat is in the States , but he hopes to begin cruising with is wife and 9 - year - old son very soon . The men talked boats all afternoon . This building below is the iconic Marina Bay Sands Hotel , owned by the same Sands Hotel chain as the guys in Las Vegas . It rained off and on so many other photos had water spots in them . Singapore has some pretty amazing architecture and interesting buildings and statues and such , but it 's waaayyy beyond our budget to shop the brand names here . The cost of owning a vehicle in this city are in the hundreds of thousands of dollars ! No car can be more than 10 years old . Perhaps some of the cheap used car imports we saw in New Zealand came from here , too . We just finished the Deepavali / Dipavali holiday and the streets of Little India area in Singapore were still decorated . The high - end stores in downtown are already displaying Christmas trees and ornaments and such . So early ! It 's not even Halloween yet . We found the wet market and the food stalls around it for lunch . This stainless steel drum was used for baking naan ( Indian flatbread ) . The man in the next photo used two long metal rods to hook the bread and lift it out of this charcoal - fired ' oven ' . Talk about hot and fresh ! Oh so yummy , too . Christian and Jason at our lunch table . The food stall with the man cooking naan is in the background . We had tasty tandoori chicken , chicken tikka masala , and butter chicken with rice . The couple at the table next door had 3 mini - buckets of sauces - - dahl and some coconut and other sauce that we dipped our bread in while filling up . Christian and Jason at lunch in Sinapore 's Little India food stalls . Christian said the government mandates that there must be food stalls within 7 minutes walk from anywhere in the area . Everything in Singapore is ' planned ' . Jason got a chuckle out of this sign as we walked back to the car after lunch . Beer here is so expensive that Christian said he stopped drinking it . We know the feeling and are meting out our beers to last us until we reach Langkawi again . Durian Boy and Jason in Singapore . The stinky durian fruit is spiky green on the outside and creamy yellow on the inside . Apparently there is a cartoon character who eats , sleeps , and dreams of nothing but eating more durian . This is a statue in the Singapore Tourist Bureau where we stopped after dropping off our applications for new passports . Also in the Tourist Board building was this fish pond with huge koi in it . Much bigger than my Dad 's fish in his pond . Some were so big they looked deformed . On the way down to Singapore , this tern decided to be a freeloader for a while . He didn 't mind us walking past him . He originally landed on the top of the davits but a gust of wind blew him off and he tumbled down to the seat and decided that this perch on our electric winch suited him best . He 'd sit for a while , take off and circle the boat and come back to rest . He spent some time on the boom , too , but eventually winged away after a free ride for the afternoon . As we rounded Singapore we got caught in a viscous squall that created white - out conditions . The ships slowed down and began using foghorn signals . Of course , this was right at a choke point where the shipping channels turned . We had ships on our left and coming out of a channel behind us , with islands to the right of us , so we pulled out of the traffic and hid behind a little island til the weather let up about an hour later . Luckily , we didn 't encounter this huge crane ( biggest we 've ever seen ! ) until we got to the other side . The tug boat is backing up , pulling the barge and two more tugs were pushing it from behind . You can get an idea of its size as that is a full - size container ship in the background between the tug and the crane . These are the armed guards that watched the ordeal , too . Why they need guns is beyond me . There is no longer anything of value here at the marina . Even the loud disco that just opened last November was closed down ( the sultan said it was too loud and closed them down ) . The problem barge is working itself off the dock , but you can see how that conveyor off the front might do some damage if it pivoted and whacked the masts of the yacht . A group of workers scrambled to retrieve their cleaning supplies off the end of the dock and were standing by the yacht , just in case . . . . The owner of the yacht was gone to Singapore for the day and missed all the excitement . No more boats on the jetties . They began dismantling the dock you see the next day . Notice all the cranes in the lot beyond here . There is a building boom going on here and the money being spent to build high rises on the water here is dumbfounding . The Chinese owner of all this reclaimed land is a billionaire ; he bought the rights to the bottom lands 16 years ago and got it all for a song . Now that they are reclaiming the land and making it ' buildable ( I still wonder how safe it will be ) he is getting rich quick . They set up this huge outdoor tented room , complete with air conditioning for their launch event for the sales of the 800 + condos in a 42 - story , four - tower complex to be built just beyond those cranes in the distance . Half a million ringitts would get you a one - bedroom studio - sized room with less than 570 sq . feet of space . Tiny ! The owner kept the biggest penthouse for himself , but you could get one for about 2 . 2 million ringgits ( USD $ 1 = 3 . 25 RM ) . We watched the fashion show they put on one night inside the tent and we were invited to partake of the dinner and refreshments they offered free of charge . They sold nearly 70 % of the offerings in the first two days ! Chinese from Singapore and Kuala Lumpur make up most of their customers . It 's still cheaper here on this side of the causeway from Singapore and the money just flows continuously across the bridge . Eventually , all the boats had to leave Danga Bay . The marina towed the disabled or derelict boats across the water to a tiny marina in front of the owner 's mansion . Now , no more jetties . The began pulling out the pilings , too . We went looking for the museum one day but it was closed for rennovation . The sultan 's motorcade drove up the drive and around and then back out ; just checking on his peeps and properties , I guess . While in Johor Bahru , we spotted this banner on a mosque . One day we noticed hundreds of dead fish floating in the bay . They seemed to lead to the fish farms that line the entrance to Danga Bay . They were bigger than most of the fish we see fishermen catching in nets . We don 't know what killed them , but someone just dumped them out into the bay and they began to stink as they floated and bloated . Jason wondered why they didn 't grind them up for fertilizer . Even the birds wouldn 't eat them . I spotted a couple of otters on the dock where we left our dinghy and wondered if they 'd eat the dead fish . River eels poked their heads up out of the water here , too . Hard to believe that anything could live in this dirty water . Or that people would pay up to 2 million ringgits for a condo overlooking this water . Yep , that 's me , Karen , with a huge python wrapped around my shoulders . A guy at the Pernakan Festival in Kuala Terengganu ( hereafter referred to as KT ) was letting folks take pictures with it . It was heavier than I 'd have thought and I could feel the strength of the solid muscles as he tried to squirm away . Beautiful colors up close , though , and smooth and cool to the touch . Still , just a quick photo and I was glad to give him back . This is the color of the water as seen through the escape hatch in our cabin on YOLO . Such a brilliant green / chartreuse , eh ? We 've seen it all colors in our travels . While the water looked green under the boat while the sun shone , it left rusty orange stripes and spots along the water line and wherever the water touched , We had to spend a day at Kapas Island snorkeling to wipe the orange stuff off . YOLO is looking a bit yellowed now as it will take a lot of elbow grease or chemicals to get it all off . It will wait for the haulout . YOLO at anchor outside the Ri - Yaz Heritage Marina in Kuala Terengganu , Malaysia . That big motor vessel behind us belongs to the Universiti Malaysia and once in a while it makes runs out to the offshore islands to move student to their study of coral or turtles . The other boats are passenger ferries that run between resort islands . Looking across the river from the marina to the town of Kuala Terengganu . The fresh market would be to the far left of the shot , behind that white arch ; Chinatown is along the waterfrong in the rest of the picture . These two guys cleaned the fuel injectors and checked the valve clearance in our engines . Colorful food at the Peranakan Festival in KT . The bags in front contain soup . People often buy drinks in a plastic bag with a straw rubber banded into a corner . No plastic bottle to fill or dispose of . The fresh market at KT . I could shop here every day ! The Chinese woman who had cilantro / coriander leaf and cherry tomatoes got to know me and would sell me what was fresh that day from her stall . I spread my ringgits around to many different sellers , though . Just outside the market , sellers plied their wares , too . Bananas here in all stages of ripeness . Boxes of duku , jungle fruit and rambutans , too . Durian , coconuts , limes and wavy beans are all here . A squall blew up one afternoon while the kids had their Optimists and Lasers out on the water . Most of them got overturned and a few were damaged . I counted eight overturned boats when it cleared . Luckily , all the kids had been rescued . One cried as his boat dragged down the side of YOLO , out of control and full of water . One of the beef and chicken stalls in the market . Fresh beef and frozen , imported beef can be bought here in the open air . The chickens still have the heads and feet on them . They price them by weight and weigh them with the heads and feet , even if you don 't want them . I think they chop them into tiny bits for cat food or use them in some dish I don 't know of . A kebab cart on the street at night during the festival . Friends of ours on Reflections ate several of them and raved about them . You could have meat , fish , or veges fried in oil or steamed in water . Not a very common sight . Festival food like faces at a Japanese stall . Folks cooked local foods and gave away samples . Some of the VIP guests were mingling and one told me that the current generation are losing the ability to make the traditional dishes . He pointed out that only the older women were making the foods in the stalls for local dishes . A wall of plastic containers with Chinese fighting fish . Only one per container as they will kill each other if put into the same water . They were brilliant crimson and blues . Pretty fish with a deadly reputation . The Sultan of Terengganu state showed up for the festival and in the background are some of the dance performers waiting for his arrival . Like all heads of government here , they kept the crowd waiting . We slipped up onto the seating dias for the VIPs and sat on the chairs in the back row to rest while the folks waited for the king / sultan to arrive . Nobody kicked us out ! When we left , we took the goodie bags that had been on the chairs as nobody was there to claim them . Just some snack foods and one bag had thousands of ants in it . A few of them got onto the boat before I realized the issue . The parade was over an hour late getting started , and we 'd decided to give it a miss , but the guy from another boat we 'd given a ride to was no longer with us and we had to find him . Couldn 't leave him stranded across the river , so we waited by the dinghies while Jason went looking . The Chinatown area isn 't that big and he just did a big loop searching for him . He got back to us before Jason returned , but by then , the parade had started so we just sat on the curb and watched . I think Peranakan means the mixing of cultures and thisfestival is about the shared cultures and the heritage of the Chinese and Malaysians here in Terengganu . Jason and Karen eating in a local restaurant . Jason liked his meal so much , he ordered a second one . But he 's still thin as a rail . A typical meal would be 5 - 12 Malaysian Ringgits , about $ 2 - 4 , depending on the meat or seafood you got in it . We generally had no idea of what was really in the meals as we just picked them off a picture board that had photos of the dish with a price . We never really had a meal we didn 't like . A lady sitting up above her stall in the market in KT . Those brown - grey sticks are a local fish sausage that are famous in KT and made nowhere else . Kerepok lemok is the name ( or something close to that ) . We 'd tried it once in the rally . They fry it up and serve it with a spicy chili sauce . It 's ok with the sauce on it , but I 'd let it pass if it was just plain . We didn 't like it enough to buy some . Chiles and eggplant for sale along the wall of the market . Spread out rice bags make a seller stall for this person . I bought heaps of those red hot chili peppers during our stay in Malaysia and pickled a bunch of them . You can 't find salsa here , so I buy cilantro from the Chinese folks in the fresh markets and these chiles and make my own hot sauce . Another market shot in KT . Colorful places , these markets . That 's ginger root in the front . The dark stuff is tamarind and the red stuff in bags is chili sauce . Lemon grass , long beans , eggplant , cucumbers and squash are evident in the front stall , and you can see the red and orange of tomatoes and carrots and chilis surrounding the lady in the stall across the aisle . I never found out what to do with all the different greens and veges they sell here . I 'd need a personal guide to teach me how to use them all . Can 't even tell you the names of many of the things I saw here . An egg seller in the market . You could get class A , B , or C eggs , which relate to the size . All eggs here are the brown eggs and they sell them one at a time or any number up to the full flat of 30 . I 'd pay about 12 ringgits for a full tray of eggs , about $ 4 . They aren 't refrigerated so I don 't have to keep them in my fridge on the boat - - a great help . We go through a lot of eggs as it 's an easy protein to obtain . Eggs and chicken are everywhere here ; beef can be found , but only Chinatown provides pork . This is the view from our anchor spot of the town of Cukai . You can just make out the concrete stairs along the seawall where we could land our dinghy ( provided the tide was up enough ) and walk to the markets or shops in town . We enjoyed Cukai for a couple of days on our way up and again on the way south . This isn 't a ' tourist town ' by any stretch of the imagination . We had to wind our way up the river to get here . Fishing is the industry around here . Karen in her " international " sailing attire : The headscarf is a scrap from the material I 'd bought in Kuah , Malaysia that Myra made into a dress for me when she was back in Ireland ; the sunglasses were found by Jason snorkeling in Nai Harn Bay in Thailand and probably had belonged to one of the thousands of Russians who tend to take over the beaches there ; the facemask is from my trip in Vietnam , purchased just before our crossing to Laos via a dusty road in an open truck ; the t - shirt is from Dominica in the Caribbean ; the life jacket is an original purchase from our earliest days of training in sailing in the USA . The smoke in the air got so bad one day , I resorted to wearing the mask to breathe . Jason 's lungs hurt . I don 't know who is burning what ( slash and burn is still common here ) , but is seems the entire country is on fire and the smoke is so heavy you can 't see land sometimes from just a few miles away . Everything looks grey and hazy . The sun ' sets ' early behind the haze and we lose at least a half an hour of daylight because it is so thick the sun can 't get through it . These are a couple of the bazillions of little white eels we saw off the shallow coast between Rompin River and Tioman . Jason caught a couple in the bucket to have a closer look . They are only a few inches long . The island of Tioman as we sailed away from it . The distinctive peaks at the south end are said to look like donkey ears . Tioman is a duty free island and you can buy beer and spirits here at a reasonable price . Alcohol is not permitted in the locals ' religion so they don 't make it easy to get . If you find it elsewhere , it is prohibitively expensive . 18RM / beer on the island - - about $ 6 / can or bottle of beer . We won 't drink at those prices . This tern decided to be lazy and ride instead of fly . The slippery stainless steel of our davit caught him off - guard when a wind gust blew him down and he slipped between the poles and fell to the lower level . He ended up on the winch controls below his original perch . Here he sat for nearly an hour , not minding when we walked right by him . He 'd take off once in a while and fly out and come back . He spent some time on the end of the boom , too . Eventually , we must 've reached his stop as he took off for good , leaving only a poop mark that dribbled down the winch control . Posted by
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The other weekend I went out for a walk and came across a lake with some swans on it so I couldn 't resist taking some photographs of them . On the whole the swans were quite obliging but weren 't really into posing and were more into preening and feeding . I was still quite pleased with some of the resulting photos though . The photo 's show Mute Swans and it was once the belief that upon death the otherwise silent Swan would sing beautifully - hence the phrase swan song . In the UK it is a criminal offence to harm a swan and to interfere with nesting swans in any way . It is also a fact that all Mute swans in the UK are owned by the Queen , though she only exercises her prerogative right to them on the River Thames . Photographing wild birds was quite a challenge as they are unpredictable , but I enjoyed it . It makes getting the good shots very satisfying . I liked the interaction between the two swans in the first photo . The second photo is of a swan who was busily feeding and I caught him / her just as they raised their head so you can still see the water running from their beak . Happy with the shots I had taken I went on my way . Thought I might provide you with an update . My mother is now home from hospital so I went up to see her . She was really pleased to see me and was so much brighter than when I last saw her which was great . For a start she recognised me this time ! However , she is on a lot of meds which still make her disorientated from time to time , especially straight after taking them . This distresses her a bit so we looked them up and found she was on one or two that didn 't seem to make sense so I noted them and told her to make sure she asked the doctor about them . The thing that bothers me is that other than dose her up they seem to have done very little to help her and she certainly can 't remain on the meds forever as she is very immobile and they affect her too much . I had a word with my father and apparently she is seeing someone this week ( he thought they were from physiotherapy ) so we 'll see what happens next . I took her some flowers and she told me she was glad to be home because she couldn 't sleep properly in hospital . and she hated the food . We had to laugh as apparently when she was first admitted to hospital the doctor asked her if she knew where she was and she said ' Great Britain ' ! . . well , he didn 't ask her to be specific ! Anyway , I was glad to see that she was more herself . Thanks to all of you who have popped by and left supportive comments . They are very much appreciated along with all your positive thoughts and prayers . Esecially as I 'm not so good myself right now . Thank you . The city of Bath Spa is a great place to visit . It is of course the home of the mineral baths , first discovered by the Romans , and then later became fashionable with the Georgians and Victorians . It is also the setting for many Jane Austen novels , where the heroine would often spend time in the fashionable society there . One weekend recently , I decided it was about time I re - acquainted myself with the delights of Bath and it 's numerous diversions ( as Ms Austen would say ) . The day I chose was fine but not sunny and as ever Bath was teaming with shoppers and tourists . Like any city centre , Bath has the usual high street shops deposited along the main roads , but it also has many fine shops and smaller more unusual shops too , selling gifts , jewellery and couture . The photo above shows one of the smaller side streets . Down this street there is a shop called ' Ben 's Cookie 's ' which makes the best cookies I have ever tasted . Needless to say , that as I ambled down this narrow lane , a strange force pulled me towards the doorway of the cookie purveyors and then the sweet aroma carried me to the counter where I was powerless to resist . One fine cookie later I continued contentedly on my way and popped out near the Roman baths . The Romans occupied Bath shortly after their invasion of Britain in 43 AD , being drawn to the area by the hot mineral springs situated there . They knew it as Aquae Sulis ( literally ' the waters of Sul ' ) . Increasingly grand temples and bathing complexes were built in the area , including the Great Bath . This was rediscovered from the 18th century onward , when the assembly rooms and pump room were added and has become one of the city 's main attractions . The main entrance to the Baths is shown in the photo above . I passed by this and wend my way down the adjoining street until I came to the park which is situated by the river . I captured a view of it in the photo above showing the band stand and an example of the gorgeous buildings for which the city is also known . Many of the buildings in Bath would have beenPosted by This is just typical . I have not been feeling at all well for the past few days so I went to the doctor . I have been feeling quite fuzzy , with dizzy spells and getting frequent headaches . The doc says that I am stressed which was a bit of a surprise . Apparently I am so good at coping that I 'm fine until I 'm not , if that makes any sense . Oops . I am very good at bottling things up and getting on with life and supporting others but it seems that I 've been neglecting myself . The doc wanted to know what was going on in my life at the moment . As you know , I have been extremely worried about my mother but as ever it 's not one thing but an accumulation over time . I have recently changed job , and also I have had a hard time with my studying after my books and work were stolen with my laptop ( impacting on my essay deadline and revision for my exam ) . I don 't write much about it but I am also getting divorced and I 've been handling the separation myself . I underwent a traumatic separation from my husband and he is pushing for a quick divorce as his girlfriend does not want him married to me anymore . I don 't want to get into details but this woman has been a constant thorn in my side . Don 't get me wrong , I certainly do not want to stay married to him but I needed time to assimilate all that happened before progressing . I have found it hard to cope with two things . First that I have failed at something that my life once revolved around and second that someone who I once trusted with my life could behave so awfully at times . So , I have been thinking . I need closure so now I want the divorce quickly . I also want him to come and remove the rest of his stuff that he has left here despite constantly being asked to shift it . I also want him to stop using this postal address as I am receiving his mail . The doc said to think about things I could change to reduce the stress in my life so this would be a good place to start . I 'm having a couple of days off work . My mother is doing well , all things considered and I will visit her again sooPosted by ( pic found on web ) I just wanted to thank all of you who have dropped by and left supportive comments and who have sent positive thoughts and prayers for my mother . It appears that they are working . Although the hospital still hasn 't been able to find out exactly what is wrong , my mother is much more comfortable . The pain is more under control and she is sat up in bed on her own and is much brighter . She is mostly lucid ( apart from just after she has taken her drug cocktail ) , is eating regularly , and from all accounts is starting to boss people around again so I know she is feeling better . The doctors think that they should be able to investigate the cause of the pain by the end of the week but for now they are giving her time to stabilise as her muscles were in spasm from the pain . When I spoke to my father I could tell he was happier with how things were going too . This positive turn of events is quite a relief and I will go up and visit her again soon . Keep the positive thoughts coming ! I went to visit my mother in hospital yesterday and she is not looking at all good . At first she didn 't even recognise me . The drug cocktail she has been prescribed has her feeling extremely disorientated and nauseous and yet she is still in a great deal of pain . I really think they need to do something to alleviate the cause of the pain rather than just dosing her up but the consultant will not be back until tomorrow . When I got to the hospital she was lying on the bed holding onto a damp flannel which she held across her eyes and forehead like her life depended on it . She just kept repeating that she didn 't know where she was and that she couldn 't take much more of this . Later when she was a little more lucid ( it comes and goes in waves ) she told me that the flannel is the only thing that is keeping her sane . I had taken her a small fluffy black dog with really soft fur and she held it in her other hand mumbling about how soft it was . I think it really helped her have something to hold on to . Being diabetic my mother has to take insulin and so it is important for her to eat . Unfortunately as she is feeling nauseous it is hard to get her to eat , but it is so important that she does . I had taken her some fresh fruit salad as I know my mum likes fruit . Thank goodness that I did as everything the hospital gave her made her feel worse but she ate some of the fruit before becoming disorientated once more . I insisted on seeing the nurse and her drugs have been adjusted slightly in the hope that this will help . We are still uncertain as to what is wrong with my mother but it seems likely that two or three of her vertebra have crumbled causing the discs to slip and press on the sciatic nerve . I am terribly worried that this will mean that she will be wheel chair bound for the rest of her life now . My mother is pretty disabled anyway but fiercely tries to keep mobile as much as she can , even if it is just a few metres that she can walk . I know that if she can 't walk at all this will upset her very much . At the moment thougPosted by I 'm back from my trip to Brussels . The meeting was successful and I actually had a few hours to have a quick look around . I took some pics with my mobile phone and I will post a few very soon however right now I have other concerns . While I was there I received a message to say that my mother had been taken ill and today she has been admitted to hospital . My mother suffers from diabetes , rheumatoid arthritis , curvature of the spine , asthma and one or two other medical conditions , whose symptoms seem to merge into one mass medical condition that seems difficult to for doctors to tease out and treat effectively . As you can imagine , she is pretty disabled , on a number of drugs and she has good days and bad days . Just over a week ago she developed an abscess under her tooth and the dentist had to remove the tooth . This left her with a very painful jaw which got more painful as days passed . Last weekend an emergency doctor prescribed her some painkillers which seemed to help at first but then she got much worse . It seems that while I was away she went downhill rapidly and is now in great pain , in her neck , shoulder and down the side of her body . The doctor prescribed morphine but it is not working and has made her disorientated and sick , so she has been admitted to hospital so that they can get the pain under control . Then they can investigate what is wrong and hopefully treat her . I am currently waiting for the consultant to see her . I hope they make her more comfortable soon . I am hoping to go and visit her over the weekend ( we do not live in the same city ) , but at the moment she is not up to visitors . I am going to go and see how my father is bearing up anyway so I apologise in advance if I am not visiting you all as much as I would like . Please send my mum lots of positive thoughts . I really am quite worried . I 'm a big fan of comedy . Lets face it , who doesn 't like to laugh ? It 's often hard to find decent television comedy though . Many of you will have heard of Scrubs even though you might not have watched it . As the name suggests it 's set in a hospital and follows the medical career of JD a trainee medical doctor and his best friend , Turk a trainee surgeon . I happened on this a few years ago when I switched channels and have watched ever since . So what keeps me watching ? It 's well written for a start . It 's a strange mix of lightweight silliness and occasionally dark comedy . It uses comedy to explore emotion , relationships , life and death often in an oddly touching way for a comedy . While I 'm away in Brussels I thought I would leave you with the following clip . It features Colin Hay singing ' Overkill ' . In the episode the main characters have just fallen out after finding out things about each other that they would rather not know . The episode follows them trying to cope with and then overcome the situation . I hope you enjoy it . I have recently changed jobs . I am still working for the same organisation but moved into another area to broaden my experience . This is all part of my grand plan to take over the world someday , or at the very least earn more money . So . . . I am currently out of my comfort zone , not in the panic zone but definitely not comfortable . I have a whole new language to learn in the form of a new set of acronyms and the learning curve is pretty steep . Who would have thought that two areas of the same organisation would be so different ! I 'm sure many of you know what I mean , you start a new job and although you recognise the words as being English , they seem to be using it in an entirely new way . I know that in 6 months time I will be talking the talk too but right now I often get the feeling that I 'm in the Twilight Zone . I remember an episode where a man awoke one day to find that the world had shifted and language had changed , words that were once familiar had new meaning and that is pretty much how I feel . It is good though , I relish a new challenge and I am hoping this job will prove to be interesting . Next week I am being sent to Brussels for two days to attend an International meeting . This is a completely new experience and will hopefully be a great opportunity for me . I love travelling and seeing new places but unfortunately I suspect I will mostly see the inside of the meeting room . The meeting is due to last all day so I 'm guessing the scene will be similar to the pic on the left . That 's me with my feet up on the table , though I am not sure what Boris Johnson is doing there ! I was looking in my work diary and not for the first time it struck me how planned my life is as an adult and how important knowing the time is . My schedule is full of meetings and appointments which break my working days and weeks into chunks of time where I have to be in certain places at certain times . I feel naked without my watch . I pride myself on being punctual and professional for the meetings I have scheduled . That is why I love it when I have a few days off as I often don 't wear a watch . Time doesn 't matter so much , my days are my own to do with as I please without any demands being made on my time . The stress of having to be somewhere on time is replaced with the relaxing feeling of not having to be anywhere at anytime unless I choose to do it . Am I unique in this feeling ? Absolutely not . It is a symptom of modern living , but sometimes I long for those carefree days as a child when I measured time with a dandelion clock , where the number of blows it took to scatter the seeds would tell what time it was . I took the above photo on a recent day out - one of four days in a row I had over a bank holiday weekend where time wasn 't so important and enjoying myself was the priority . After I snapped the picture I picked one of the dandelion clocks and blew once , blew twice and then three times , which told me it was three o ' clock when I took this photo . Near enough for me on that sunny day . It 's been a bank holiday weekend here in the UK so I took full opportunity of the extended weekend to get round to ' things - I - have - been - putting - off ' . Like clearing up the spare room that became a bit of a dumping ground for ' stuff ' ever since my separation . Talking of which that was over a year ago now so it was definitely high time I sorted it out . Going through the boxes turned out to be quite a cathartic experience for me . I still couldn 't bring myself to throw some things out . I couldn 't quite part with some of my wedding memorabilia . The fact is that it is a piece of my past and I will keep it for now , lest I regret too great a purge . So I have stowed it in the attic to deal with another time . But many things did go and I have a huge pile of things to take to a car boot sale sometime soon . The cash will go towards my planned holiday in Vienna . Out with the old and in with the new . Seems apt for Spring somehow . The photos are of the Clematis I have growing in my garden . It is a trailing plant and every year I cut it back a little to encourage new growth and it brings forth these lovely blue / purple flowers on the new growth . I am not one to get over sentimental but the analogy seemed apt for my clear out . I took these photos the other day . Hope you like them . Spring and summer arrived all at once here in the UK with unseasonably warm temperatures and sunny days . When I was sat at my desk revising , everytime I looked out of my window , I could see the garden growing and getting more jungle - like , as my hectic schedule of work and study have left little time for the art of gardening . So I ventured out into my garden the other day , hoping that some wild beast or carniverous plant wasn 't lurking and ready to pounce from the camouflage of the foliage when it occurred to me that my garden may look a bit unruly en masse , but that everywhere I looked I saw natural beauty . Of course , I immediately rushed into the house and grabbed my camera and started snapping away and experimenting with my zoom lens . These photos are the result . The first photo is of Bamboo , the second is a Date Palm , the third is an Acer Palmetum ( Japanese Maple ) and the last photo is of my huge Phormium ( Nea Zealand Flax ) . I love how sculptural these plants are , from the zagged spikes of the Phormium and Palm to the delicate leaves of the Acer . The colours too are magnificent from deep reds to variagated and lush greens . I hope you like them too . When I visited Raglan Castle in April , I took so many photo 's that I thought I might share some more with you , this time more focused on the Great Keep . The view of it in the photo above was taken while I walked around the castle from a grassy embankment . You can get some idea of the scale of this structure as there is a person to the left of the keep who is dwarfed by it somewhat . As I explained in my last post , the castle was begun by Sir William ap Thomas , a veteran of the French wars , who grew wealthy through exploiting his position as a local agent of the Duke of York in south - east Wales . He began building the Great Tower in 1435 but he was never to see it completed , as ap Thomas died in 1445 . The building work was continued by his son , William , who took the surname Herbert , and it subsequently became known as the Yellow Tower of Gwent . You may not be able to tell in these photos but the tower is constructed from sandstone that has a yellow tinge , hence the name . The keep is an unusual hexagonal plan which is clearly shown in the footprint of the floor as shown in the photo above . It is also surrounded by a water - filled moat as seen in the next photo . The tower has it 's own apron wall with small towers , the tops of which have been destroyed . I was intrigued however , to find a doorway in one of these towers leading down to the water ( last and next photos ) . This was patently used to gain access to the moat , and could have been used for a number of reasons , the most mundane of which would be maintenance . This massive tower was designed as a place of last resort in the first half of the 15th century and its gradual additions made it virtually impregnable . Much more of the original tower would be visible today were it not for the " slighting " by the parliamentarian forces after the siege of Raglan Castle in 1646 . When Raglan was surrendered near the end of the Civil War , a decision was made to demolish the Tower completely . Men were set to work with pickaxes in an attempt to destroy it from the top . This failed , hoBobkat
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The other weekend I went out for a walk and came across a lake with some swans on it so I couldn 't resist taking some photographs of them . On the whole the swans were quite obliging but weren 't really into posing and were more into preening and feeding . I was still quite pleased with some of the resulting photos though . The photo 's show Mute Swans and it was once the belief that upon death the otherwise silent Swan would sing beautifully - hence the phrase swan song . In the UK it is a criminal offence to harm a swan and to interfere with nesting swans in any way . It is also a fact that all Mute swans in the UK are owned by the Queen , though she only exercises her prerogative right to them on the River Thames . Photographing wild birds was quite a challenge as they are unpredictable , but I enjoyed it . It makes getting the good shots very satisfying . I liked the interaction between the two swans in the first photo . The second photo is of a swan who was busily feeding and I caught him / her just as they raised their head so you can still see the water running from their beak . Happy with the shots I had taken I went on my way . Thought I might provide you with an update . My mother is now home from hospital so I went up to see her . She was really pleased to see me and was so much brighter than when I last saw her which was great . For a start she recognised me this time ! However , she is on a lot of meds which still make her disorientated from time to time , especially straight after taking them . This distresses her a bit so we looked them up and found she was on one or two that didn 't seem to make sense so I noted them and told her to make sure she asked the doctor about them . The thing that bothers me is that other than dose her up they seem to have done very little to help her and she certainly can 't remain on the meds forever as she is very immobile and they affect her too much . I had a word with my father and apparently she is seeing someone this week ( he thought they were from physiotherapy ) so we 'll see what happens next . I took her some flowers and she told me she was glad to be home because she couldn 't sleep properly in hospital . and she hated the food . We had to laugh as apparently when she was first admitted to hospital the doctor asked her if she knew where she was and she said ' Great Britain ' ! . . well , he didn 't ask her to be specific ! Anyway , I was glad to see that she was more herself . Thanks to all of you who have popped by and left supportive comments . They are very much appreciated along with all your positive thoughts and prayers . Esecially as I 'm not so good myself right now . Thank you . The city of Bath Spa is a great place to visit . It is of course the home of the mineral baths , first discovered by the Romans , and then later became fashionable with the Georgians and Victorians . It is also the setting for many Jane Austen novels , where the heroine would often spend time in the fashionable society there . One weekend recently , I decided it was about time I re - acquainted myself with the delights of Bath and it 's numerous diversions ( as Ms Austen would say ) . The day I chose was fine but not sunny and as ever Bath was teaming with shoppers and tourists . Like any city centre , Bath has the usual high street shops deposited along the main roads , but it also has many fine shops and smaller more unusual shops too , selling gifts , jewellery and couture . The photo above shows one of the smaller side streets . Down this street there is a shop called ' Ben 's Cookie 's ' which makes the best cookies I have ever tasted . Needless to say , that as I ambled down this narrow lane , a strange force pulled me towards the doorway of the cookie purveyors and then the sweet aroma carried me to the counter where I was powerless to resist . One fine cookie later I continued contentedly on my way and popped out near the Roman baths . The Romans occupied Bath shortly after their invasion of Britain in 43 AD , being drawn to the area by the hot mineral springs situated there . They knew it as Aquae Sulis ( literally ' the waters of Sul ' ) . Increasingly grand temples and bathing complexes were built in the area , including the Great Bath . This was rediscovered from the 18th century onward , when the assembly rooms and pump room were added and has become one of the city 's main attractions . The main entrance to the Baths is shown in the photo above . I passed by this and wend my way down the adjoining street until I came to the park which is situated by the river . I captured a view of it in the photo above showing the band stand and an example of the gorgeous buildings for which the city is also known . Many of the buildings in Bath would have beenPosted by This is just typical . I have not been feeling at all well for the past few days so I went to the doctor . I have been feeling quite fuzzy , with dizzy spells and getting frequent headaches . The doc says that I am stressed which was a bit of a surprise . Apparently I am so good at coping that I 'm fine until I 'm not , if that makes any sense . Oops . I am very good at bottling things up and getting on with life and supporting others but it seems that I 've been neglecting myself . The doc wanted to know what was going on in my life at the moment . As you know , I have been extremely worried about my mother but as ever it 's not one thing but an accumulation over time . I have recently changed job , and also I have had a hard time with my studying after my books and work were stolen with my laptop ( impacting on my essay deadline and revision for my exam ) . I don 't write much about it but I am also getting divorced and I 've been handling the separation myself . I underwent a traumatic separation from my husband and he is pushing for a quick divorce as his girlfriend does not want him married to me anymore . I don 't want to get into details but this woman has been a constant thorn in my side . Don 't get me wrong , I certainly do not want to stay married to him but I needed time to assimilate all that happened before progressing . I have found it hard to cope with two things . First that I have failed at something that my life once revolved around and second that someone who I once trusted with my life could behave so awfully at times . So , I have been thinking . I need closure so now I want the divorce quickly . I also want him to come and remove the rest of his stuff that he has left here despite constantly being asked to shift it . I also want him to stop using this postal address as I am receiving his mail . The doc said to think about things I could change to reduce the stress in my life so this would be a good place to start . I 'm having a couple of days off work . My mother is doing well , all things considered and I will visit her again sooPosted by ( pic found on web ) I just wanted to thank all of you who have dropped by and left supportive comments and who have sent positive thoughts and prayers for my mother . It appears that they are working . Although the hospital still hasn 't been able to find out exactly what is wrong , my mother is much more comfortable . The pain is more under control and she is sat up in bed on her own and is much brighter . She is mostly lucid ( apart from just after she has taken her drug cocktail ) , is eating regularly , and from all accounts is starting to boss people around again so I know she is feeling better . The doctors think that they should be able to investigate the cause of the pain by the end of the week but for now they are giving her time to stabilise as her muscles were in spasm from the pain . When I spoke to my father I could tell he was happier with how things were going too . This positive turn of events is quite a relief and I will go up and visit her again soon . Keep the positive thoughts coming ! I went to visit my mother in hospital yesterday and she is not looking at all good . At first she didn 't even recognise me . The drug cocktail she has been prescribed has her feeling extremely disorientated and nauseous and yet she is still in a great deal of pain . I really think they need to do something to alleviate the cause of the pain rather than just dosing her up but the consultant will not be back until tomorrow . When I got to the hospital she was lying on the bed holding onto a damp flannel which she held across her eyes and forehead like her life depended on it . She just kept repeating that she didn 't know where she was and that she couldn 't take much more of this . Later when she was a little more lucid ( it comes and goes in waves ) she told me that the flannel is the only thing that is keeping her sane . I had taken her a small fluffy black dog with really soft fur and she held it in her other hand mumbling about how soft it was . I think it really helped her have something to hold on to . Being diabetic my mother has to take insulin and so it is important for her to eat . Unfortunately as she is feeling nauseous it is hard to get her to eat , but it is so important that she does . I had taken her some fresh fruit salad as I know my mum likes fruit . Thank goodness that I did as everything the hospital gave her made her feel worse but she ate some of the fruit before becoming disorientated once more . I insisted on seeing the nurse and her drugs have been adjusted slightly in the hope that this will help . We are still uncertain as to what is wrong with my mother but it seems likely that two or three of her vertebra have crumbled causing the discs to slip and press on the sciatic nerve . I am terribly worried that this will mean that she will be wheel chair bound for the rest of her life now . My mother is pretty disabled anyway but fiercely tries to keep mobile as much as she can , even if it is just a few metres that she can walk . I know that if she can 't walk at all this will upset her very much . At the moment thougPosted by I 'm back from my trip to Brussels . The meeting was successful and I actually had a few hours to have a quick look around . I took some pics with my mobile phone and I will post a few very soon however right now I have other concerns . While I was there I received a message to say that my mother had been taken ill and today she has been admitted to hospital . My mother suffers from diabetes , rheumatoid arthritis , curvature of the spine , asthma and one or two other medical conditions , whose symptoms seem to merge into one mass medical condition that seems difficult to for doctors to tease out and treat effectively . As you can imagine , she is pretty disabled , on a number of drugs and she has good days and bad days . Just over a week ago she developed an abscess under her tooth and the dentist had to remove the tooth . This left her with a very painful jaw which got more painful as days passed . Last weekend an emergency doctor prescribed her some painkillers which seemed to help at first but then she got much worse . It seems that while I was away she went downhill rapidly and is now in great pain , in her neck , shoulder and down the side of her body . The doctor prescribed morphine but it is not working and has made her disorientated and sick , so she has been admitted to hospital so that they can get the pain under control . Then they can investigate what is wrong and hopefully treat her . I am currently waiting for the consultant to see her . I hope they make her more comfortable soon . I am hoping to go and visit her over the weekend ( we do not live in the same city ) , but at the moment she is not up to visitors . I am going to go and see how my father is bearing up anyway so I apologise in advance if I am not visiting you all as much as I would like . Please send my mum lots of positive thoughts . I really am quite worried . I 'm a big fan of comedy . Lets face it , who doesn 't like to laugh ? It 's often hard to find decent television comedy though . Many of you will have heard of Scrubs even though you might not have watched it . As the name suggests it 's set in a hospital and follows the medical career of JD a trainee medical doctor and his best friend , Turk a trainee surgeon . I happened on this a few years ago when I switched channels and have watched ever since . So what keeps me watching ? It 's well written for a start . It 's a strange mix of lightweight silliness and occasionally dark comedy . It uses comedy to explore emotion , relationships , life and death often in an oddly touching way for a comedy . While I 'm away in Brussels I thought I would leave you with the following clip . It features Colin Hay singing ' Overkill ' . In the episode the main characters have just fallen out after finding out things about each other that they would rather not know . The episode follows them trying to cope with and then overcome the situation . I hope you enjoy it . I have recently changed jobs . I am still working for the same organisation but moved into another area to broaden my experience . This is all part of my grand plan to take over the world someday , or at the very least earn more money . So . . . I am currently out of my comfort zone , not in the panic zone but definitely not comfortable . I have a whole new language to learn in the form of a new set of acronyms and the learning curve is pretty steep . Who would have thought that two areas of the same organisation would be so different ! I 'm sure many of you know what I mean , you start a new job and although you recognise the words as being English , they seem to be using it in an entirely new way . I know that in 6 months time I will be talking the talk too but right now I often get the feeling that I 'm in the Twilight Zone . I remember an episode where a man awoke one day to find that the world had shifted and language had changed , words that were once familiar had new meaning and that is pretty much how I feel . It is good though , I relish a new challenge and I am hoping this job will prove to be interesting . Next week I am being sent to Brussels for two days to attend an International meeting . This is a completely new experience and will hopefully be a great opportunity for me . I love travelling and seeing new places but unfortunately I suspect I will mostly see the inside of the meeting room . The meeting is due to last all day so I 'm guessing the scene will be similar to the pic on the left . That 's me with my feet up on the table , though I am not sure what Boris Johnson is doing there ! I was looking in my work diary and not for the first time it struck me how planned my life is as an adult and how important knowing the time is . My schedule is full of meetings and appointments which break my working days and weeks into chunks of time where I have to be in certain places at certain times . I feel naked without my watch . I pride myself on being punctual and professional for the meetings I have scheduled . That is why I love it when I have a few days off as I often don 't wear a watch . Time doesn 't matter so much , my days are my own to do with as I please without any demands being made on my time . The stress of having to be somewhere on time is replaced with the relaxing feeling of not having to be anywhere at anytime unless I choose to do it . Am I unique in this feeling ? Absolutely not . It is a symptom of modern living , but sometimes I long for those carefree days as a child when I measured time with a dandelion clock , where the number of blows it took to scatter the seeds would tell what time it was . I took the above photo on a recent day out - one of four days in a row I had over a bank holiday weekend where time wasn 't so important and enjoying myself was the priority . After I snapped the picture I picked one of the dandelion clocks and blew once , blew twice and then three times , which told me it was three o ' clock when I took this photo . Near enough for me on that sunny day . It 's been a bank holiday weekend here in the UK so I took full opportunity of the extended weekend to get round to ' things - I - have - been - putting - off ' . Like clearing up the spare room that became a bit of a dumping ground for ' stuff ' ever since my separation . Talking of which that was over a year ago now so it was definitely high time I sorted it out . Going through the boxes turned out to be quite a cathartic experience for me . I still couldn 't bring myself to throw some things out . I couldn 't quite part with some of my wedding memorabilia . The fact is that it is a piece of my past and I will keep it for now , lest I regret too great a purge . So I have stowed it in the attic to deal with another time . But many things did go and I have a huge pile of things to take to a car boot sale sometime soon . The cash will go towards my planned holiday in Vienna . Out with the old and in with the new . Seems apt for Spring somehow . The photos are of the Clematis I have growing in my garden . It is a trailing plant and every year I cut it back a little to encourage new growth and it brings forth these lovely blue / purple flowers on the new growth . I am not one to get over sentimental but the analogy seemed apt for my clear out . I took these photos the other day . Hope you like them . Spring and summer arrived all at once here in the UK with unseasonably warm temperatures and sunny days . When I was sat at my desk revising , everytime I looked out of my window , I could see the garden growing and getting more jungle - like , as my hectic schedule of work and study have left little time for the art of gardening . So I ventured out into my garden the other day , hoping that some wild beast or carniverous plant wasn 't lurking and ready to pounce from the camouflage of the foliage when it occurred to me that my garden may look a bit unruly en masse , but that everywhere I looked I saw natural beauty . Of course , I immediately rushed into the house and grabbed my camera and started snapping away and experimenting with my zoom lens . These photos are the result . The first photo is of Bamboo , the second is a Date Palm , the third is an Acer Palmetum ( Japanese Maple ) and the last photo is of my huge Phormium ( Nea Zealand Flax ) . I love how sculptural these plants are , from the zagged spikes of the Phormium and Palm to the delicate leaves of the Acer . The colours too are magnificent from deep reds to variagated and lush greens . I hope you like them too . When I visited Raglan Castle in April , I took so many photo 's that I thought I might share some more with you , this time more focused on the Great Keep . The view of it in the photo above was taken while I walked around the castle from a grassy embankment . You can get some idea of the scale of this structure as there is a person to the left of the keep who is dwarfed by it somewhat . As I explained in my last post , the castle was begun by Sir William ap Thomas , a veteran of the French wars , who grew wealthy through exploiting his position as a local agent of the Duke of York in south - east Wales . He began building the Great Tower in 1435 but he was never to see it completed , as ap Thomas died in 1445 . The building work was continued by his son , William , who took the surname Herbert , and it subsequently became known as the Yellow Tower of Gwent . You may not be able to tell in these photos but the tower is constructed from sandstone that has a yellow tinge , hence the name . The keep is an unusual hexagonal plan which is clearly shown in the footprint of the floor as shown in the photo above . It is also surrounded by a water - filled moat as seen in the next photo . The tower has it 's own apron wall with small towers , the tops of which have been destroyed . I was intrigued however , to find a doorway in one of these towers leading down to the water ( last and next photos ) . This was patently used to gain access to the moat , and could have been used for a number of reasons , the most mundane of which would be maintenance . This massive tower was designed as a place of last resort in the first half of the 15th century and its gradual additions made it virtually impregnable . Much more of the original tower would be visible today were it not for the " slighting " by the parliamentarian forces after the siege of Raglan Castle in 1646 . When Raglan was surrendered near the end of the Civil War , a decision was made to demolish the Tower completely . Men were set to work with pickaxes in an attempt to destroy it from the top . This failed , hoBobkat
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October 12 , 2013 by josephacarlucci Marcello 's Revenge - Chapter 8 - Julie and the Alligator Man - Part II Here is the second part of Marcello 's Revenge Chapter 8 . I began it with the last line of my previous post for reference . Other installments can be found : " Yes , you are quite correct , Robin . I am sorry Julie . That was terribly rude of me . It was such a terrible event , and I was just so excited for any news . I hope you don 't mind . " " No , I don 't mind . It 's ok . It might even be nice to talk about it to someone , and I don 't know who else I would be able to tell . I don 't know who the murderer was . There were four men , but only one did it . The rest just stood around . All of them in long black robes , like the kind you see kids wear at graduation . And they all had animal masks on . " " Yes , plastic animal masks . There was a lion , a bird , a pig and an alligator . And they also had hoods on so that their hair was covered . All I could make out were their shoes . And one of them had a gold watch . " " I did . Hold on a minute . So we came in and there were these three guys . One of them stood near the door and closed it after we were in . He was wearing the bird mask . Then Matt said ' What the fuck is this shit , John ? Who are these guys ? ' Kind of laughing , but I could tell he was a little nervous . The guy in the lion mask said ' Shut up and get over here . ' You could tell he was trying to disguise his voice . Making it all gravely and rough . Matt walked over , confident , like nothing was really wrong . He went right up to the lion man and said ' Who the fuck are you ? Where is John ? ' Then the lion man drew a gun from his robes and pointed it at Matt . ' Shut the hell up , and stand right there . ' Matt backed up against the pool table . ' You girl , come over here and stand here next him , ' the lion man said to me . And I did . Then the door to the bathroom opened and out walked the fourth masked man . He had the alligator mask . All he said was ' Turn around ' . And we did . " She stopped . " I 'm sorry , but could I have another one of those ? " she asked , and after I passed the pack to her , she took a smoke out and drew a deep breath before lighting it . Fresh smoke curled and twisted in front of her face . " And then , " she continued " Matt said ' What is … ' and that is all he could get out . The alligator man hit him … right here , " she pointed to the back of her head . " All he let out was a soft sigh , like he was lifting something too heavy , and then he slammed down on the pool table and rolled over . His eyes swirled and he looked up to me and then the light that was above the table . I could feel the golf club lift again , poised to strike , and I thought it would hit me , but when the next blow fell it was right on Matt 's face … and then the next … and the next … I was shocked and scared , and just stood there watching as his face was smashed . I couldn 't look away . It was horrible . Goringly wonderful , and for some reason I felt giddy , and even had to suppress a laugh . Blood sprayed everywhere , all over the table , over me and the alligator man . It was exhilarating . Violent and beautiful . " I know it was wrong to feel that way , " she said as tears swelled and her voice choked up a bit . " But I couldn 't help myself . I was transfixed . I couldn 't move , or yell out , or anything . I don 't know why . Maybe it was the drugs , or I was so scared I lost my mind . I expected them to kill me next , and almost welcomed it , picturing myself faceless and laying on top of Matt . Then the lion mask guy said ' What do we do with the girl ? ' and alligator man said ' She is going to be our anchor . Girl , go sit against the wall over there . ' He did not disguise his voice . Like he wasn 't concerned or anything . It was silky and smooth . Mesmerizing . And I did what he said . I went over to the wall and sat down , staring at poor Matt while I walked there . All of his blood pouring out of his head . I sat down , and the alligator man gave me the golf club . I looked at his eyes . They were green like the color of his mask . He told me to look at his watch , concentrate on the time , and touched my forehead and muttered something I could not understand , and the whole room went dark . ' " Ten thirty - three . And maybe it was not exactly dark . More like a curtain was drawn between me and the rest of the room . I could see them move , sort of , if they were near enough to me , and in my line of sight . And I could hear them , but it was all muffled and distant . It felt like I couldn 't breath , or blink , or anything . Like I was trapped , and everything felt stuffy and stale . Like being in a closed room without air conditioning on a hot day . " I remember that there was someone near me , kneeling and doing something on the wall . It was the man with the bird mask . And I heard some of the things they said . Like ' Move him up here like this , ' or ' Can we cover his face ? ' and ' Here , put this pillow on it , ' but mostly it was just garbled sounds , or words that I didn 't understand . Then suddenly there was a glowing red light , and all four of them were standing in front of me . I don 't know how long they were there . Standing and saying weird things . The alligator man reached out and grabbed something . It was a ball , and even in the darkness it was easy to see . A bright ball of light , around the size of a bowling ball , but maybe a little smaller . There was something peaceful and sad about the light . They draped it with some cloth or something , and then , all of a sudden , they were gone . The red glow was still there , but they were no longer around . I 'm not sure if they left and I just missed it , or if they vanished . But it was just afterwards that the door opened and you came in . You came near me and then the darkness was gone . I could breath again . I wanted to cry , but forgot how to . I forgot so many things just then . But not Matt 's face . And how it made me feel . " After that , you pretty much know what happens . I can remember leaving the house , waiting outside , and then you coming out and taking me down to the lake . It was cold in the water , and we knelt down , but after that I cannot remember anything . Leaving the lake , or how we got to the car , or coming here , or going to sleep . " " Matt . He asked me , calling me up at Advent and asking if I wanted to go . He had been out of rehab for a few days at that point . Since I had been stuck at the shelter pretty much since I checked in , it sounded like a nice escape for a couple of hours . " " Yes . It 's not like it 's jail or something . You can come and go as you like , but they warn against leaving before you are ready . The director I told said it would be okay , though . She even encouraged it . Saying how great it would be for me to get out and socialize , and what a respectable family the Periwinkles are . " " Right . I mean , it is possible someone else knew . Matt could have told someone he was bringing me . But he sure didn 't take me around to meet anyone when we were there , and pretty much kept me away from everyone else . I didn 't even meet his parents . He was acting strange , though , the whole time . But he was high . " " No . I didn 't want to do any drugs . At least not then . When we got to his house , we went up to his room and just hung out there for an hour or so , since the party hadn 't started yet . He was fuming about his parents and the party . He was really upset about it . I don 't really know why , he just ranted on and on about how dumb it was , and a waste of time . It made me wonder why he brought me if he hated it so much . When the party started , we slipped out . He avoided the crowd and the guests and took me down to the lake . We found a secluded place in a group of trees and he started to smoke out . He asked if I wanted some , and I said sure . I didn 't want to do coke , like he was doing earlier , or anything like that , but I was bored and thought smoking some pot might be cool . I think he must have laced it , though , because it was weird . I mean , it was not like any pot I ever did . It was a lot more intense , and I felt like I didn 't have any care in the world . And I was a lot more susceptible and agreeable to things . Yet my feelings became numb . I even pinched myself to see if I could feel it . Really hard on my thigh . But I couldn 't . I couldn 't feel a thing . " So when he started to kiss me , on the neck , it just felt slimy and wet . And although it was creepy and weird , I let him . I just sat there as his mouth moved to mine , and he kissed me , with his hands fondling my breasts . He unzipped his pants and had me play with him . And then he was on top of me . I didn 't really want to , but I didn 't really not want to . I just sort of let it happen . Like I was throughout the whole night . Just let things happen . I had no power to stop any of it or change it . His breath was heavy on me , and he had a musky , sweaty smell . And then it was over . " I wasn 't feeling good after that , and wanted to go lay down . He said that I could go to his room , and he would come up soon . He was a little too messed up to go right then . So I left , and went to lay down . " " Oh no , I was , and I got a lost and wandered through the crowds . I was paranoid , and felt like everyone was watching me . Like they knew I was high and what Matt and I did . But I didn 't really want to stay at the lake . I made it to his room , and really wanted a glass of water , but I was afraid to get one . He came up after a little bit . He started to take off his clothes and told me to get undressed . And so we did it again . Afterwards we just laid there , and I watched the light of the sun slowly move across his ceiling . I asked him if he put anything in the pot . He just laughed . I asked him what it was . But he just laughed again and said not to worry . ' You had a good time , right ? You deserve a good time tonight . ' I wasn 't sure what to say . I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time . But I just said , yeah , it was fun . We stayed there for I don 't know how long . Not really talking . Then he said that we had to get dressed , he had to meet someone . After that , we went down to the basement where the masked guys were . " " No , I don 't . I don 't know if I want to go to California . It was just a thought . I only know don 't want to go back to Advent . I 'm afraid . Not necessarily of Advent , but … I don 't know why , but something feels wrong about going back there . " " Oh you should stay here , with us . What do you say Robin ? We are all caught up in this mess , right . I mean at least until she can get on her feet , and we find out what to do next , we might as well stick together . You can stay in the guest room . " " I don 't mind , " I said , " and it may be the safest course we have right now . At least until things work themselves out a little more . You would have to stay low , though , for a little bit . There is something going on . I feel that you , and us too for that matter , are in danger . Do you have anything at the shelter that needs to be picked up ? " " Do you think the shelter may be suspicious ? They knew you went to the party , and might try to track you down . Or tell the police . " " Well , they can tell them , and try to find me , but they won 't get far . I have been using a fake name since I got here . My name is really Emma . Emma Rodriguez . "
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Sorry it 's been so long since my last post . I was busy making a new blog ! It 's called ' Smooth Liminal ' , and its address is www . smoothliminal . wordpress . com . I know this is my third time changing blog URLs , which is ultra annoying , but I had to follow my heart , you know ? , and my heart felt my past two URLs were lame . I think the new URL will stick because it 's a nerdy pun and because it captures the stage of life in which I find myself . ( ' Liminality ' is this academic concept that basically means ' in between ' . Of course , it 's more complex than that , but I 'm all about glossing over things in order to transmit useful meaning ) . I hope you 'll check it out . I won 't be updating this blog anymore , so you should subscribe or re - subscribe ( there 's a button at the bottom of the page under the heading ' Don 't Miss A Thing ' ) if you ( still ) have a burning desire to read all my innermost thoughts . I 'll try to make it worth your while . Let 's begin at the beginning . On Saturday , I went to Times Square to meet my old boss for lunch . She was in town for a conference and only had a short break , so we had to meet there . I 'm not one of those people who hates on Times Square every chance she gets , but man , is it ever confusing ! It took me forever to find the Dean & Deluca even with GPS , and on my way , I saw way too many decontextualized cartoon characters ( i . e . people dressed up in giant costumes , like Snoopy or Buzz Lightyear ) . Maybe this is weird , but decontextualized characters make me sad . I just can 't imagine anything more uncomfortable than walking around in a huge , thick costume on a hot summer day and trying to get people to pay you for being in their pictures . Who pays them is what I want to know , and how do they pay the rent ? And do they ever get those costumes washed ? Also , if I give them money , do I have to interact with them ? My instinct is to give each of them a dollar and then run far , far away before I have to touch them . ' Please do not hug me , Times Square Clifford . Please ! I am begging you ! ' But back to the matter at hand : lunch with my former boss . The thing about her is that she is so good at sharp pop culture critique , talking social justice realness , and make - up . Over lunch she told me about this new Polish brand of make - up that is CRAAAZY . I 'm talking every color you can ever think of in ONE SINGLE tube of lip gloss that when applied is the perfect hue of peony pink ( magic , science , chemicals ! ) . I don 't know much about cosmetics , so I ask her for advice whenever I get the chance . On Saturday , after our lunch date , I was inspired to buy an eyeliner marker . Then , I went to buy accessories , something which I buy even less frequently than make - up , but I had to buy some for my Mad Men season finale costume , which is what this whole post is about . I ended up going to the Forever 21 in Times Square ( not a lot of small , independent stores there ) because I didn 't have much time before I had to go to work . ( I almost always work the Saturday night shift and the Sunday morning shift . ) On Sunday , I raced home after work and got ready for the season finale party . I 'd heard about a party very close to my apartment sponsored by an adorable vintage clothes - seller , complete with a costume contest . After weeks of agonizing , I 'd finally come up with what I thought was the outfit . No one was available to take a full - length picture of me , and I wanted to get there early , so I didn 't spend too much time on pictures , but I did take some shoddy Photobooth ones . I showed up to the screening an hour and a half early because I wanted to make sure I had a good seat and didn 't miss the costume contest . I looooove costumes of all sorts , and I especially love Sixties fashions , so I couldn 't wait to see what everyone would wear . Unfortunately , no one was free to come with me to the screening , but I 've never been one to shy away from dates with myself . When I got there , the place was nearly empty . Slowly people started to trickle in , but none seemed to be in costume , unless they had dressed for a screening of My So - Called Life ( Nineties revival is in full force ! ) . Since the party was at a place where they make their own wine , I decided to treat myself to a glass of white wine and an appetizer . When the waiter brought me the wine , he asked me what I thought of it . I took a sip and declared , ' It tastes like baloney ! ' and then we were both confused . I didn 't mean it as an insult , and I can 't even remember the last time I had baloney ( bologna ) - my best guess is 1997 - but that was the first thing I thought of . Instead of retracting my statement , I smiled and shrugged , and the waiter gave me a bemused look like he was thinking , ' This girl knows absolutely nothing about wine ! ' I was still waiting for the costume contest when came the announcement , ' We are about to start the screening of Mad Men . Please join us next week for the season finale ! Don 't forget to dress up ! There will be a contest ! ' Yup . I was a week early to the season finale . That makes me the de facto winner , right ? Right . My prize was a veggie burger with those tiny deli pickles and fries , awarded to me , by me the following day . But now I have a whole week to agonize / plan my costume for the actual season finale . Do I wear what I already wore , or do I go for a totally different look ? Let 's look at some pictures of this season 's best looks . All pictures lifted from Tom + Lorenzo , a blog whose Mad Men style analysis is so good it gives me goosebumps . I do have a dress that 's incredibly similar to this one . I call it my bat dress because of the wings . Of course , it 's not as short , and I 'd have to get more accessories . The eyeshadow would be fun , but considering that this is the most memorable look from season five , it seems kind of trite . This is what I really , really , really wish I could wear . There is something so magical about a matching dress and coat . It gets me every time ! Now tell me , are you dressing up for Mad Men ? Where are you watching the finale ? What are your favorite mid - Sixties looks ? I want to know everything ! I just got back from a lovely sixteen - day vacation . Seven of those days were spent in Portland with some of my favorite friends , flowers , and food . The other nine were spent in Chihuahua with my family & Devin . All were spent largely away from the computer in favor of real - life face - to - face fun . While I was away , my blog turned one year old . This was my first post . ( I don 't know what I was thinking when I wrote that bland list with no final punctuation at the end of any sentence . I love punctuation ? ! . ) Since then , I have written forty - four . It 's been really fun , and I hope to write at least forty - four more . Given that I love birthdays , I wanted to acknowledge my blog 's , if not with a cupcake , at least with a thank you . I started this blog because after graduating from college I finally had the time . For the first time ever , I didn 't know what I would do in the upcoming year . I had some vague notions ( Move to New York ! Find a job ! Try my hand at short - distance dating with Devin ! ) , but really , it was mostly a blank page or a big scary question mark , depending on my mood . A couple of months ago , it dawned on me that this is what I have to show for my entry into the homework - optional world . It has been an abnormal year for me . I 've been here and there and there . I 've had an oft - changing routine . I 'm grateful that I 've been able to document a lot of it and even more grateful to you for reading . I mean , it 's not like I think you 're obsessed with this little blog or anything . But the internet is soooooooooooo big . You could be reading so many cool things right now . Instead you 're here . Thank you . It really means a lot . After all , if it weren 't for you , all I 'd have to show for the past year is a journal , which is so much less impressive than a blog , wouldn 't you agree ? P . S . In case you 're interested ( or new here ) , I went back and read through all my entries and these are my top three favorites . I think they 're pretty representative of the scope of my blog in general : silly , sappy , serious . On the day of my appointment , I felt apprehensive . But mostly I felt foot pain . It was hard to remember having a day without foot pain since last July , so I headed to see the ' DOC - tah ' I hoped would be a podiatrist . I 've decided New York has an acceptable cupcake - to - kristy ratio . Dreamy , wispy Magnolia cupcakes ; minimalist Sprinkles ; Hunky Crumbs , Neon cart cupcakes , artisanal Brooklyn beer cupcakes , teeny adorable Melissa 's cupcakes ( thumbcakes , I call them ) and every cupcake in between … New York 's got cupcakes on lock . I wouldn 't be surprised if it had the most cupcakes per capita in the world . Long - live New York Cupcakes ! Then , I saw the sign . For the podiatrist 's office . A pretty little wrought iron stand planted in green grass behind green bushes . I passed a womyn smoking a cigarette and stepped inside where I heard the familiar ' DOC - tah 's Ah - fiss ' . ( Do you think she does it on purpose , to temper expectations ? ) I filled out forms , in a darling waiting room with blue tufted chairs , and gave them to the receptionist who was shocked I 'd made the trek all the way from Brooklyn . It was actually the closest podiatrist to me , but I tried to look as though I felt I deserved a medal . It 's not every day someone looks at me with awe or incredulity , so I say milk it for all you can . Done admiring me , she ushered me to the exam room . The doc 's first words were , ' Pretend you didn 't just see me smoking out there ' , and I liked her right away ( not because of the smoking ; because of the gruff New York frankness ) . I liked her even more after she told me she 'd ordered special doggie take - out for her dog and that it smelled ' better than [ her ] lunch ! ' I may have learned as much about her bichon frisée as I did about my foot condition . I also learned that the doctor is from Brooklyn , but since she left for college , she 's never looked back . I think this is quite a feat , considering that she lives and works five minutes from Brooklyn . However , the longer I live in New York City , the more accustomed I grow to meeting the Staunch Manhattanites . They love their borough and they hate leaving it . If you 've seen the Sex and the City episode where Miranda meets the man who hasn 't left Manhattan in a decade and has no plans of venturing out , you know what I 'm talking about . That character is not an exaggeration . My Staunchly Manhattan Podiatrist turned out not to be a kidney - harvester after all , and she gave me a surprising diagnosis . Apparently , my foot problems are the fault of my feet 's high arches and my shoes ' inadequate arch support . It is very difficult to find the support my feet need because my arches are soooooo high ! I 'd been trying to wear flats and tennis shoes to alleviate the pain , but the doctor explained that the best shoes for my feet are actually heels and wedges . That 's right , anonymous blog reader , I was prescribed my favorite kinds of shoes ! ( I subscribe to the theory of gender performativity , but if ever there was a case for gender essentialism … ) I 'm probably going to get custom - made insoles so that I can wear all kinds of shoes like normal people do . Until then , I 'm happy wearing my cork wedges . And in case you think my diagnosis was a bunch of hooey , consider this : I went to the podiatrist a whole twenty days ago . Since then , I have followed her advice and been free of foot pain for the first time in ten months ! I went from taking acetaminophen ( Tylenol ) at least once a day to forgetting such a medicine exists . I no longer count my steps . I am free of foot pain , and it is glorious ! Thank you , doc - tah , and thank you , wedges . Sometimes I feel like I 'd handle adversity better if I 'd had some siblings to make my life harder as a kid . As an only child , I had it pretty dang easy . Even when my older girl cousins didn 't let me play with them , I was all right because I had Nolan ( shoutout to my boy ! ) to play with . Plus , one of our older cousins ( no one say who ! ) was too compassionate to keep up the bullying for long . She 'd come play with us even if the other two would refuse because she couldn 't stand excluding us . Little did she know that in the future , her compassionate nature would work against her in the form of a rare condition called ' not being able to break up with anyone ever ' . Once , after a summer of working up the courage to dump a dude she didn 't like at all , the other girl cousins and I watched through a window while she broke up with him . FOR SIX HOURS . ( We were supposed to watch a movie we 'd rented , and we couldn 't start without her . ) It went like this : The point I was making is that I work best when things are easy . When things are hard , my first instinct is not to buck up and deal with it . I 'd rather cover my ears and eyes , so I can pretend nothing is the matter . ( Working on it . ) When I moved into my apartment in October , I was glad to see we had a backyard … of sorts . It 's a plot of land behind our building with trees and plants growing in it , but it 's just as much an unofficial landfill as it is a backyard . See for yourself . I wanted to ignore it , but as soon as I saw it , I knew I had to do something about it . I told Devin and my housemates that it would be my Earth Day project and tried to feel really excited about it , but it was daunting . I 've always loved Earth Day , but I 've never coordinated a big clean - up myself , so I had no idea how I would accomplish it . Would the landlord let me ? Would my neighbors help ? I wasn 't very optimistic , but I persevered . I figured , best - case scenario : I 'd clean it up with helpful neighbors blasting salsa music from a sweet sound system on their fire escape . Worst - case scenario : I 'd be eaten to death by feral cats , and my remains would quickly be engulfed by all that garbage never to be found . Actual scenario : somewhere in the middle . I made a sloppy hand - written flyer to advertise the clean - up , but when I took it to be photocopied , the employees designed and printed beautiful posters for me , for cheap . ( Cool ! ) Only three of those pairs were used because the only people who came were Devin , a neighbor who stopped by for an hour , and me . Nice weather also failed to make an appearance . I can 't remember the last time I was that cold and wet . ( Bummer . ) The coolest things to come out of this project are actually the promise of bigger , more organized projects . After the clean - up was over , I received a phone call from a womyn in the next building who has lived there for forty years . She told me the neighborhood has never been this littered and brought up the point that it is a big fire hazard and that , if our buildings were to catch on fire , we wouldn 't have a safe place to go because that 's where we 're supposed to climb down and congregate . She 's reported it to her super and her landlord who have both promised to help ( much like mine ) but haven 't done a thing , so she is ready to take action in a bigger way . We are planning a meeting with more neighbors to get ourselves organized . I also got an e - mail from a group who has been cleaning up their lot and planting flowers every Spring for three years . They mentioned getting together to plan a block - wide cleaning day ! I decided , ' If this is as good as it gets , this is great . ' I decided to stop striving to be any different . I decided to stop treating my body as a fixer - upper project . It felt daring . Like , ' Really , can I just opt out ? I mean , I try to opt out ; but can I just opt out completely ? ' I tried it out . I said , ' I like my body just the way it is , and I promise to like it no matter how it looks ' . It felt really , really good . Since then , I 've been committed to sustaining that feeling of self - acceptance and body positivity . That 's not to say it 's easy . Especially as the weather warms . I love warm weather , but man , does it bring on the body policing . Magazine covers are emblazoned with brazenly fat - phobic headlines : PERFECT SKIN ? YES , IT ' S POSSIBLE ! + THE ONE - HOUR PAIN - FREE FAT ZAPPER ( Elle , May 2012 ) || Message : There is no excuse for not being thin and having flawless skin . Spend lots of money on unnecessary procedures . + Fat is so awful it should be zapped . ( ZAPPED ? ! ? ) It can be overwhelming for me . I hope it 's not overwhelming for you . Just in case , here 's a list of the things I tell myself to keep sane in a fat - phobic , image - obsessed society . Pay no attention to numbers like weight or clothing size . If you feel bad or weird for buying size [ whatever ] pants , think of all the people you know who are bigger or smaller than you . Remember how much you love them and how you would feel if anyone told them their bodies were unacceptable . You would be enraged ! Your friends and family are perfect just they way they are . So are you . Only do your hair , shave your legs , put on make - up , tweeze your eyebrows , wear uncomfortable anything if YOU feel like it . Remember , these are silly , meaningless endeavors that you do for fun . If they 're not fun , why do them ? Don 't feel guilty for eating potato chips . NEVER feel guilty for eating something you enjoy . Feel lucky to be able to afford such a luxury . Feel guilty for buying products with body - shaming messages . Try not to buy products labeled ' diet ' or ' light ' . Tell the companies that use this sort of advertising that preying on insecurities is not cool . ( AHEM , TRADER JOE . ) If you must go to that overpriced borough , take the East River Ferry . That way you can get a closer look at the Williamsburg Bridge . Speaking of Williamsburg , this guy 's been driving around . Score one for subtle advertising .
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Beautiful day in Nuremburg , spelled also Nurnberg … I guess depends what nationality you are how you spell it ? " Sunday Delights in Nuremberg , the Starbucks bear joins the journey ! " The sky is a bit cloudy with very sunny intervals , the air is warm and it is truly lovely here on a Sunday . I slept in , some 12 or more hours this time , even after that nap yesterday . I finally got out of bed to the noon sounds on the street … . had a lovely shower and dressed and headed off for Starbucks . I decided to try one I did not try yesterday , and maybe see if I could find another German Starbucks bear . The store I headed for is closed on Sundays ! The streets are nearly empty compared to yesterday , folks out taking pictures and walking leisurely through the old city . I did the same . I kept walking and went to Starbucks number 3 and picked up a decaf non fat latte , a Starbucks bear and went for a walk . I took a seat next to a very cool fountain in front of a very large brick tower . I sat . I rested , I watched pigeons and people . I took a few pictures with the camera and even more with my mind . The clock tower bell tolled every 15 minutes or so and then at the strike of 1 o ' clock another louder bell rang . I am delighted by the bells and towers in this city . I decided it was time to start heading back , Elwyn will arrive at the airport at 1 : 30 ish and so I want to be at the hotel in plenty of time to greet her . I begin my walk back to the hotel in what I thought was a familiar direction . What is it about me and directions ? When I shop , I don 't get lost . I shopped and walked for hours yesterday and had no trouble … today I headed off in what I thought was the right way only to come to the edge of the city surrounded by large stone walls around it . I walked a ways on the outside of the walls but nothing at all was familiar . I was likely walking in exactly the opposite direction from my intended destination and who knows how large the outskirts of the city are ? ? ? On one side of the road is a huge stone wall , the other a main street , busy with lights , like a freeway and bordering on the other side of it , hotels and office buildings like any other busy busy city . The signage is in German though , so I know that I am in a foreign country ! I took a chance and went back inside the safety and familiarity of the old part of the city and walked until I recognized some stores from yesterday . Keep in mind that there were thousands of people everywhere yesterday and a scattered few hundred today . People walking their dogs , riding bikes , police cars ( they are green and white here " polizei " ) , couples pushing baby carriages , holding hands , honeymooners and elderly couples . Some may have been coming from the large churches in the area ? The only shops open are cafe 's and only a few of them are … . even McDonalds is closed ! ! ! I found a 4th Starbucks ( light bulb on ) and was once again delighted . I am certain they are all accounted for now , only 2 open on Sundays . Folks sitting outside cafe 's having lunch , coffee , talking . I found my way home following the familiar shops and retracing steps I took yesterday . I was able to find the small grocery from yesterday and was about to enter to purchase water … . closed ! The bottle I purchased yesterday is bubbly and although it is OK , it is not my favorite . So I am now drinking tap water and bubbly water - still trying to stay hydrated . My cough is getting better , my sinuses are still crackling from the very intense flight experience and ears being plugged for a few days . The day today will likely consist of walking around the outskirts of the city … . find the river , sit for coffee from time to time , more likely tea will be the drink of the day , or Coca Cola light , as it is referred to here . The bottles are smaller and the name is slightly different , although the taste is the same . I plan to check out the train station and walk again the lovely cobblestone downtown area . I wish I would have bought a comb yesterday in the Body Shop , or one of the many many salons I passed . In fact the salons had women outside with foil in their hair , waiting for the color to set … funny , not even chairs … . just standing around the shop door waiting … . some smoking . Pigeons making their coo - ing sound today could be heard . Yesterday the bustle of people and shopping bags , screaming and crying children , people laughing , calling to one another … . the pigeons were seen and not heard . Today their sweet small and contented sounds as they picked through yesterdays litter on the cobblestone sidewalks . Some of the main shopping areas do not have places for cars to drive . . walking streets only . Very beautiful and always surrounded by lovely stone walls , huge old brick and stone buildings , church steeples and towers in the background . I found a hat shop when I was standing in a shop on the 3rd floor ( bathroom experience - oops Light bulb on again < grin > ) called Globus . I had to go down the stairs and out side and then go all the way around the building I was in to find it … . it seemed to be easy to see out the window ! On a less populated street corner , with a huge window display - maybe 6 full size store windows , around a corner - all hats ! Expensive ladies hats , hats for gentlemen , dress up hats , fun and casual hats . Black with feathers , grey cotton , straw fedoras , Stetsons . Hats of every kind imaginable . I had to go in ! It was almost closed and one hat attracted me - it came in many sizes , Stetson makes it , straw and tan colored - very nice ( man 's hat actually ) . I tried it on - it was great and looked fabulous . I looked around the rest of the store , they also sold umbrellas . I had decided I would find an umbrella in Paris if I need one … . but don 't need one yet from Nuremburg ! I left the store without the hat . It was enough to try it on . I took some pictures of the hat store . A few shops like Body Shop , Nike , Adidas , Accessories , Zara and Starbucks are familiar - however there are other chain stores that we don 't have in Canada . There are galleries - like malls - and lots of shops for young people ( hip hop shops and skateboard shops ) . There are ladies shops and many many shoe stores … cheap shoes and expensive Mephisto shops ( like Birkenstocks - we sell the shoes in Canada - not sure if we have the shop store called that ? ) . Well , outside my hotel room , the sound of the train going by , a bell indicates it has arrived or is heading off . People coming and going … . . I will sign off for now . I will write more later … . tomorrow morning at 10 : 30 am I am being picked up at the hotel and off to the ship to begin the river cruise portion of this trip - - one of the many highlights ! The reason for coming , the " familiarization " of river cruising . I am looking forward to a relaxing week on the cruise ship - enjoying all that it offers , including English speaking guided tours at each port city . I look forward to the wine to be served with lunch and dinner complementary ! I look forward to having my clothes unpacked and enjoying the sights from my balcony window , hanging out on top deck to get a real good view of the vistas as far as I can see . Yes indeed , I am looking forward to the next leg of my journey . I am very glad that I have had this time alone in Nuremburg … . to rest at my own pace . To wander and get familiar with traveling alone . Each experience is a new one , a lovely one , filled with moments of wonder and presence . Filled with trying to stay present and being here , in this moment on this day , on this very journey . We found the bridge where the citizens place photographs of Diana , and flowers in her memory . We took pictures . There was also a photograph that night of Diana and Michael Jackson taped to the monument at Pont d ' Alma . It was touching and lovely to be there for that show of affection by this great city for people that have mattered to them . People who no doubt , loved Paris as well . We took the late night subway home to the small but clean hotel . I fell asleep , planning to get up early for more . It was not possible , nor necessary . I slept fully , totally satisfied that I had seen this city I came to see . I was as full up as I could be and I slept soundly . When we got up , there was breakfast included , we ate , loaded up our purse with food we might need and once again headed off to see the last items on my list . Crème Brulee on Rue Cler , ice cream at Berthillion on the little island not far from where we stayed , markets on Rue de Mouffetard … . and what else ? ? Somehow it no longer mattered . I had my fill . The rest was just to give us a mission and help plan out the day . Elwyn was sweet to donate her day to whatever I wanted to do , to go wherever I had on my list . We did it all . Everything I wanted to do and see , I did and saw . We traveled a bit by bus , after I had walked by the river and the large green boxes , to see what the vendors were offering to the passers by . We had the best crème brulee that had been described to me in a book of " must eat " . It was amazing , tasty , creamy and took the place of lunch ! ! ! We took the subway . We were up close at the Arche de Triomphe and we walked down the Champs Elysee and even got chased a bit by a waiter / manager of a restaurant where we used the bathroom out of desperation and did not stop to eat as we told him we would . You would not think this was a crime in Paris … . . but we did not want to stay around and get more tongue lashing from him ! ! ! More subway , more heat from the hot sun and still air . We walked down little windy roads , we got lost a bit , and finally back to our room by 7 pm . There was simply nothing more to do . Elwyn had plans for museums and such the following day . I had to pack and be ready for morning shuttle to the airport and the long flight and travel day back home . I was ready to leave . A bit sorry it was over , sorry to be leaving my new friend - we have become very close and travel very well together . We both agreed that life does not always work out that way and traveling as a travel agent can sometimes not be this pleasant . We have become good friends and hope to travel more together and with our husbands in future . Up early and on a shuttle bus , alone toward the airport . The bus traveled through town a bit and I got to say good bye to the bridges and the Seine . Not at all sad , still feeling quite satisfied with the journey and happy to be going home . Then the squishy middle seat aboard the very large KLM flight Amsterdam to Vancouver for 10 hours of travel . I did not sleep , could not sleep . So full of images and visions . Of sights I had witnessed , visions of Paris danced in my head ! ! I was full of delight and enjoying the magic of my journey . No book to read , no magazine to glance through , and not ready to write diary entries . I sat . I surfed the movies and watched a few I had been interested in and yet not had the courage to see back home . Doubt and The Reader . Very powerful movies . I tried a few others that I knew , fluff movies , and even James Bond , but they could not hold my attention . We arrived in Vancouver , I purchased a Pacific Coach ticket to take me home to Victoria , including ferry ride . Without an incident , I have arrived home . So happy to be home . Happy to have had my journey and full of gratitude for the opportunities that have been given to me . Happy I accepted the offer and asked for the opportunity . Content at every level . As I spent the next few days recovering from jet lag , sleepiness and wakefulness . I find my mind wondering back to the streets of Paris . To the sights and sounds . To the lights , the flowers , the sensations of being there . This is all part of me now , and I part of Paris . I am grateful to have people in my life to share my diary with . People that I love . People who fill my life with love and have supported me . Back on the bus after Notre Dame Cathedral . We were driving by Arche de Triomphe , Champs Eleysee , Place Concorde , the Louvre , the Tuilleries , the Sorbonne and other universities and many many other buildings , sculptures and fountains . Bridges - some famous , Pont Neuf , Pont d ' Alma , Queen Alexandra III , and many others . We arrived at a spot to view the Eiffel Tower . We took many pictures of the group , the tower , and the sights . More tourist shopping was available . A group of young men had music blasting and were dancing to Michael Jackson songs . While on this trip the startling news of the death of Michael Jackson had stirred the world . This was a most touching sight and significant talent was displayed . I wondered to myself if their parents had ever seen them dance like this ? ? ? I had to be pulled back to the bus , I could have stayed and watched all evening . I was very moved by the display of artistry , the show of emotion and the great talent of these young people , honoring someone who had great influence in their lives . Magic . Back on the bus , and a drive to the other side , close to the entrance of the Eiffel Tower , a view from another angle . It is dizzying to look up at the Eiffel tower . It is staggering to think of the vision , the work , the building of such a monument . Although not built for this purpose , the Eiffel tower has been the symbol of Paris for all the world . Here it is , here I am . Pictures do not do it justice . It is massive , it is awe - inspiring to be in the center underneath and look up , straight up into it 's center . Up to the top from the inside . Startling and amazing . We got in line , had our tickets and up we went in the elevator to the first floor . Not at all disappointed , we were unable ( not allowed ) to go higher . Our dinner reservations only permitted our ride to the first floor . This was to be an expensive dinner ( 200 Euros per person , I heard ) . We arrived there with about ½ hour to spare … . to walk around and marvel at the view of Paris , the buildings , the sights . We did just that . Then we sat in a wee area and had a glass of white wine , smiled at one another and again marveled that we had arrived . Marveled at the view , at the momentous journey and the great friendships we had formed in just one week . Filled with emotion and gratitude , we had a toast to us . We had dinner ( mine was best as they substituted salmon and veggies for my meal due to gluten intolerance , ice cream for dessert … . yummm ) . The others had some kind of duck shepherds pie , no choice . We had wine with dinner . It was lovely and well worth whatever they paid just to say we did it . After dinner , it was dark and the lights of the tower had been turned on . Paris by night . This is a sight almost indescribable . Soft lights lighting up the city every where you look . We went back down the elevator and out to the bus and were toured / driven back to our hotel , via the scenic route . Breathtaking . Many of the travelers on our Scenic Tours river cruise left the following morning back to their home countries , Canada , USA , Australia , wherever . I slept in . When I got up , I showered and dressed , took luggage to the concierge and walked to the Galleries Lafayette . HUGE mall , several blocks large and several stories high . One whole block of ladies wear , shoes , bags , jewelery , designer and regular . Sales , Sales , Sales . ( in French it is spelled SOLDES ) . My mouth was again wide open , my eyes huge . It was an event . So overwhelmed by all the choices , I found nothing to buy ! ! I took pictures of the stain glass ceiling several stories above the ground floor where we stood . Way up there , floors and floors of cosmetics , perfumes , women 's items between us and the ceiling . Amazing architecture , balconies on each floor for fantastic viewing of the building . Across the street and connected is the men 's wear ( men were actually shopping ! ! ) and gourmet food section . You could eat in the limited seating area , or get food to take out . You could buy all your groceries as this was like the most extreme market . Making a decision was almost impossible but we were hungry . We got some salad and food items , planning on sitting on a bench in a park outside . HA ! ! There are no benches in Paris ! ! No park area we could see . We gave up finally and realized although it may be " rude " to eat on the streets , we sat on a window ledge and ate the treasures out of a bag . Several other tourists sat down next to us … . I guess we started a trend ! ! < grin > Off to the small quaint hotel , Des Nations , on Rue Monge , in Ste Germain area of the Latin Quarter . To my delight we had to cross a bridge and drive across town . The traffic was still crazy , but I let the taxi driver do the worrying … . I was staring out the window and enjoying all I could see . We walked until 9 : 00 pm . I was in heaven , walking by the river , passing the bridges , taking pictures . We had purchased a ten Euro river cruise on the Seine and although it looked like a shorter distance on the map we had , to get to the boat embarkation spot , we kept walking and walking and walking , by the Louvre , by Place Concorde , by so many sights . Passed many bridges . We could see the other boats cruise by us on the river and at times wondered if we would ever get there ! ! I think I could have walked forever . Totally oblivious to any aches or pains ( that I was sure to feel later ) , and enjoying the beautiful sky , fabulous architecture and sights of Paris . The river cruise was worth way more than the price , and made up for the walking . We got on the boat that sailed at 9 : 20 pm . We sat up front to get a good view , on the open top deck . Breathtaking . We went under the famous bridges , people lined the river on both sides . Couples kissing , picnicking , dancing , waving . As if waiting for the Christmas parade . Solid areas of people . People on bridges . People taking pictures . People riding bikes . People standing , sitting , laying , dancing … . laughing . Magical . I am still in awe of the beauty and special way that people enjoy the river and the life in Paris . Thousands and thousands of people , everywhere we looked . The sun began to set , the sky was brilliant with orange , then peach , pink , red , and then dark blue . We watched the city lights come alive . We watched the bridge lights come on . We watched as the Eiffel tower was lit up , someone must have flicked the switch ! ! Magic . I have seen Paris - day and night . I have seen the buildings , the streets , the magic , the churches , the monuments , the sculptures . I have seen the trees , flowers , clouds , ……… . . the lights of Paris . I have watched people on their honeymoons , their day to day lives . I have seen embraces , kisses - full of love , life and passion - there on that magical evening on the river Seine . I watched several groups of people dancing to music only they could hear . I watched young people , waved at young children , students and couples who had been together for years . I experienced Paris that night . I felt as full as turkey dinner on Christmas day . I felt the tears well up in my eyes and my heart sang with delight . I shan 't forget that night , those sights and the day I " fell in love " with Paris . As we drove toward the city , the dream , the destination of our journey , the excitement builds . The countryside , while beautiful , is simply the background . Out the window of the air conditioned bus , I see signs , Paris 354 km , Paris 213 km , Paris " sortie " . We take an exit off the main highway . I try to hold my anticipation and excitement in check . I try to sit with the breath . I stare out the window , feel the tears welling up in my eyes . Then that sensation passes . Another sensation arises . I sit calmly and while feeling my breath , listening to the words of others , seeing signage … . I allow myself to arrive . Several people see a quick glimpse of the Eiffel tower - the landmark internationally of Paris . I see the river and bridges … for me this is the excitement . We have arrived . Buildings huge and old fill my sight . Cold gray color with greenery intermixed . Statues and sculpture on each building as we drive with purpose toward the hotel in the Opera district of Paris . We have last minute instructions from the tour director - we will have an hour at the Scribe Hotel to get cleaned up and be ready for pick up for a tour of the city . Meanwhile outside the bus , the city is before us , around us , beckoning and calling to me . It 's vastness is a surprise to me . Block after block of large old and unique buildings . Bridges and the almost insignificant river runs through the city . At one point in the distant past this river was the life bringer to this area . It was a significant part of the city and fundamental to its growth and importance . Now ? ? a major transportation of tourists to the area . A reason for the bridges . A carrier of time through this hub of excitement . This place of people and history , stories told and buried within its walls and streets . History holds the souls of those before us but tells us only of the deeds of the very few - those who made the " news " of the day . What of the millions of others ? Whose souls , just as important and significant . Whose stories never told . What of them ? Are the stories on the bridges ? Are they in the river ? Stored in the buildings ? The windows ? The sculptures ? In any language , the stories stay within the city and in the lives of those who come after . Perhaps they are stored the breath , in the air . The air in Paris is rich with story ! Every step I take moves me through the stories . I can feel the energy of folks before me - all around . I can sense history . We arrive … . the hotel is huge and old . The Scribe Hotel . Rack rate starts at 500 Euros a night … some 800 to 1000 dollars ! ! The lobby , ready for our arrival . No waiting . The staff take our bags , we are given keys … . we ( the " sistas " - 4 new girl friends , previously strangers ) make a decision - grab keys , go to room , use facilities and prepare to leave right away to explore . We have 45 minutes until we will be picked up for our night in Paris . I fall relaxed upon the most comfortable bed I have ever laid upon . The feather bed with white comforter comes up to envelop me in softness , cool comfort from the bedding . The room is similar to the Nuremberg hotel room . Marble bathroom . Old light fixtures , high ceilings , large heavy curtains pulled to the side , covering large high windows to the most amazing city in the world . A silent courtyard below , I can see into the glass ceiling in a lobby , coffee area down below - still part of the Scribe hotel from what I can tell . A courtyard of lovely windows facing in … red flowers brighten up the white and grey of the building walls and bars on windows , called " romeo and juliet balcony " . No way to stand out on the balcony , simply bars to hold people back into the large windows … in the rooms where they remain safe . Air conditioning feels great … the temptation to stay in this room - to enjoy the high living for a few more minutes . Suitcases fly open , the sistas ( Doreen and Heather ) come and knock on the door … . " ready " ? Elwyn and I anxious to see the city , drop what we are doing and run after them … . we meet at the elevator … down to the lobby . I mentioned to the front desk and concierge that I am unable to enjoy the sweets they left in the room due to allergy for foods … . they promise to replace with fresh fruit . We step out onto the street - the 4 of us . Two new to Paris , 2 have been before on another journey many years prior . We are all excited . Can 't decide which way to go . The other 2 will only have this one night . This one evening to see it all and enjoy the sites . They are anxious to buy some quick souvenirs … . . doors and window displays beckon to all 4 of us . " Come see what I have that you want / need " . Come see the inside of these buildings . Come sense the stories of those people who came before you . Come ………… come ……… . come …… We make it around the block , in and out of a few stores , eyes wide , mouths open as if to drink in the city air . As if to experience all through each of the sensations given to human beings . How much can I get into my body , my mind , my ears , my mouth , my skin … . of this city of wonder ? ? How much can I take in and how long can I hold it ? ? Will it stay with me for the rest of my days ? ? Will this be enough ? Can the evening meet all the expectations of wonder and delight ? ? Remember to breathe , in and out , hold it all . Savor the thick warm and moist air . Feel the sunshine hot on the buildings , the sidewalk , the road , my skin … . the air . Listen to the sounds of this city - people talking to each other , cars , scooters , honking horns , laughing , doors , windows . Not much of a breeze … the air stays still so we can enjoy it as it is right at this moment . Savor the sweet Paris air . " La vie en rose " . Oh dear , where are we again ? ? I am disoriented but with 3 other women who know where we are at any time and how to find our way back . It is time to rush back to the hotel , to freshen up and change , to prepare for a night in the most special city known to people . This city of mystery and wonder , of time and history … as old as people . Back to the delightful white and sensuous hotel room . Large bowl of fresh fruits await me in the room . No time for shower , grab change of clothes , carefully planned outfit - hat and scarf … . there will be pictures . This will be remembered for a lifetime … . . the time for planning the outfit has passed . Now , just grab it , dress , be ready to leave . A huge meal to come … a feast called Paris awaits me . We rush again - back to an air conditioned bus with local tour guide , she speaks with a strong french accent which further accentuates the experience . A moment to take it all in before I get on the bus . A split second to stop … to breathe , to take it all in . We are in Paris . I AM IN PARIS ! How did it happen ? ? when did my life take this turn ? ? My thoughts race and my mind tries to sit still - I try to breathe ( light bulb comes on again < smile > ) . I breathe in the Paris air , I breathe out the Paris air with a piece of my soul to join with the souls of many many millions of people to pass before me . I am now part of history … . for those who come after me . For those people who come to Paris and breathe in the air … . a piece of me is now in the air too ! ! ! Paris and I are one . WOW ! ! Take a step , on the bus . Off we go . That moment has passed … but not without being noticed by every breath I take . Thanks ! ! I have a group of women friends who had decided that we should all wear some pink color for our night in Paris . I have pinkish shoes ( bought in Nuremberg for a great price … . I guess I must have known I needed something pink for the " vie en rose " ) . I also had purchased a lovely linen scarf with faint pink flowers . It all goes with the outfit , lu lu linen pants , a light cotton grey sweater , the subtle and pink accents . I am ready . I am ready . We are all ready . Let 's go ! ! On the bus , front seat . Behind the driver , nice rush of air conditioned air , sweet sound of strong french accent as the woman speaks into microphone . It is about 4 : 30 pm local french time , we don 't eat at the Eiffel Tower until 9 pm ………… . . we are off to tour this amazing city . We are going to see all that we can in a few short and very precious hours . So grateful am I for this gift . We have a tour guide who knows all the highlights , tells stories of King 's and their wives , their children , Napoleon , more and more people . Stories woven like a tapestry of each building we see - it keeps growing . The tapestry has sculptures pictured in it . Lovely balconies high on buildings , red flowers , window dressings revealing the residents and how they care for their small homes . Little windy streets , cars and scooters parked on sidewalks as the narrow streets have little room for parking . In fact the bus has to squeeze in between on some roads , we all suck in as if to make the bus smaller . Skinnier , somehow . Cars driving crazy , scooters and bikes weave in and out of cars on the busy busy streets . Streets that have no lines , seems like no rhyme or reason tn the flow of traffic . I am breathing in it seems repeatedly … . as if I am alerting the dangers to our driver , sending out vibes of safety to other drivers . The scenery around me takes my breath away . I loose focus on the traffic and am attracted by the high buildings and amazing history told in the walls … . the voice of the tour guide weaves in and out of my consciousness . Her stories , while interesting , can 't hold my attention from the vision before me . The sights out the window have held me captive . Lost in all my other senses - I am one with the city . ( light bulb back on ) . I have arrived to this city that holds some magic for me . We arrive at Notre Dame and she asks " do you want to go out of the bus and take a look ? " Are you kidding ? Yes , yes . We all answer together . YES ! ! We have said YES to Paris . We pull over ( illegally ) and just stop in the street … we jump out and follow the tour guide . She takes us to a special spot on the street - walkway just outside the main doors to Notre Dame Cathedral . What a huge building ! I am lost again to the sights … . lost … . . mind wandering … and then called back by her words that this one special spot is a place where people stand to experience luck . I find my feet walking , in pink shoes , to the very spot . I stand , I take in a deep breath . I want this moment to be remembered . I breathe in and breathe out - noticing how it goes in and how it is released . For a moment , time stops and I am one with this spot … this metallic star in the cobblestone . On this very small spot on a large walk way in front of one of the most famous places in all of time . I am here . I am one with this place . Breathing this air . Feeling all that I can . The moment is over , people standing close by waiting for their turn to feel the magic of this place . I must move , one foot in front of the other …… . . I must keep moving . Take another breath . On to the entrance of this magical cathedral . Awestruck of its massive size , I stop and touch the tall columns of strength and stability that hold it - - for all time . She tells us of the different styles over the ages and how the building has changed , been added to , been rebuilt , the stories in the windows , the ceiling design … . the benches , the alters . Amazing . . This space is amazing . I wish I could think of another word to describe that moment . That time in this magic place . Amazing . I am amazed at the grandeur , the size , the complicated history , the lives of those who have come before me to this place , walked on this floor , touched this column . AWESOME - I realize my mouth is open and I am " gawking " . Again as if I could breathe in the air and history of this place . As if I could capture this moment for all time … I am present and overwhelmed . Amazing ! ! Out the back door , a nice park . A WC ( toilettes ) and a moment to take for my personal body to prepare for yet more historical journey . The group has moved to the touristy shops and search for precious momentos to hopefully remind them in the future of this time in their lives . So when they touch or see these items , they will be transported back in time and space to this day , this moment and this Paris . I touch and gather and put back . I do not buy anything this time . I am not in a rush to purchase . I am still feeling very present and awestruck … . I let the shopping frenzy pass me by . Today we have just left the Rhine River … now on the Moselle . We are docked in a city named Koblenz . It is a large city and we walked around the shopping district this morning when we arrived , and then back to the ship for lunch . The skies opened up in the last 15 minutes and the rains have started . Thunder and lightning … it is wonderful ! ! I guess it means no more shopping here today ! ! < smile > This morning was a touring time , up early ( on deck by 7 am ) with cappucino , coffee , or pot of tea , camera and passing through the castle country at the confluence of the Rhine River and where it joins the Moselle River . Castles high up on the cliffs , in the misty air this morning - very romantic and beautiful . Mysterious and intriguing . My imagination was running wild with stories of what was and what is … and the feelings attached to the spectacular views and vineyards . Huge castles , high and old ( now used for hotels and restaurants ) - it is thrilling to be near them . The scenery is spectacular . Very steep cliffs , castles built out of and on the rock cliffs . Amazing . Long pathways along the mountain side where walls once were , leading up the high walls surrounding the castles , attached to towers . Majestic . Great views , I am sure , from the castles - up and down the river , around the bend . Yesterday we had two stops … I can barely remember as the days are now starting to flow into each other … much like the rivers . Some great towns and it would be fun to come back one day … . to try to remember and experience a few of the towns again . Mostly there was destruction after and during the war . In some cases by the allies at the end of the war , in some cases by the towns themselves in their own strategy . Some towns still have preserved some very very old buildings . In the city of Mainz on the Main ( pronounced Mine ) River we had a guided tour - there was a Friday market in the center square . Ninety percent of the city was bombed after the second world war - leaving a huge church … . and a few homes around the church . I took pictures . The most significant sight in Mainz in my opinion was St Stephen church , although smaller than the one that was saved during the war , and built since … . has all blue stain glass windows . The church had approached the artist Marc Chegall to do the windows , he lives in Paris and was in his 80 's when they asked him . He said no as he was Jewish and swore never to return to Germany . Eventually he agreed , and although he kept his word to never return to Germany , he did the beautiful windows for this church … completely in blue as a symbol of forgiveness ! ! I was so moved by the story and then sat in the church … which has a beautiful blue hazy glow inside as all the windows are the same blue … with pictures throughout in the glass . We saw a museum , also yesterday , of mechanical musical instruments ( in the city of Rudesheim ) ! ! Not something I would ever enter otherwise - but it was delightful and the home it was in was several hundred years old ( I think 1515 or something like that ! ? ? . The young woman who toured us around , her father repairs the instruments , her grandfather purchased and found the instruments . Several generations in the family business . It was delightful to hear the music , but especially for the family connection . The ceiling in one of the rooms had original paintings on the walls … . hundreds of years old . We stayed in the town of Rudesheim over night … ( we left there at 7 am this morning ) . During the afternoon , we took a long tram from the centre of town up over the vineyards ( breathtaking view of the valley , the vineyards and the river ) and to a monument ( das Niederwald - Denkmal ) in the memory of the end of the German - French war of 1871 . The foundation of the monument was laid in September 1877 . The sandstone is from a town we had been to , also on the river Main . At the top of this huge monument is " Germania " , a female figure symbolizing the unification of all German tribes . In the middle of the monument ( to give you a sense of size ) are nearly 200 life size sculptures of people . You can see it all down the Rhine valley . Truly unforgettable . There have been a few towns on this tour that have been enchanting . . delightful and would be wonderful to return to . Miltenberg ( in Franconia region , Bavaria state , country of Germany ) is one … . quaint town , with the oldest Inn in Germany . It is also on the river Main . We went inside and sat in the lobby area and marveled at the ceilings and structure . It had been very famous and a wealthy town in years between 1400 to 1600 due to the trade along the river . The town charged much for taxes from the shipping of goods ( wine , sandstone etc ) but also from ships taking goods up and down the river to sell in other towns and so that is how it made its wealth . It claims to have been a regular stop of Frederick I , famous Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire ( this area has recorded history back to 9th and early 10th centuries ) . The other romantic road town ( Rothenburg ) we went to a few days ago by coach and I think I wrote about it already . Almost completely in tact from mid - evil times . Quite amazing . The cobblestone walk ways and streets , the very hold half timber building homes … . famous and familiar sights all over Germany ! It was a totally enchanting town ! Tomorrow is our last day on ship . I can hardly believe that a week ago I was shopping in Nuremberg ! ! Has it really been that long ? ? We are busy each day , with touring or sitting up on the deck drinking tea . Of course , like every cruise - eating is another thing that takes up much time ! ! < grin > The evenings include a quiet lounge and a little small scale entertainer . Sometimes it is the fellow who plays instruments and sings along , one night he did a disco evening with his lap top music , one day he played the accordian as they served beer and pretzels on the top deck . One evening a glass blower came aboard and was very entertaining . Last night we were early to bed as we wanted to be up to see the sights along the river this morning from 7 am to 10 : 30 or so . Mostly we sit and talk , have a bit of wine left over from supper and drink a few pots of herbal tea . My new friend and roommate ( Elwyn ) is a singer and so we often burst into song ( it must be very difficult for her as I hardly ever am on key < grin > ) . Two of the other travel agents and us hang out together and eat together , shop together etc . It is great fun . We hope to travel again together one day ( one from Duncan , one from Toronto and us ) . We laugh a lot ! ! We talk to the other folks on board , many from Australia ( this is an Australian cruise company ) . More tomorrow ! ! ! ! Yesterday Bamberg and river cruising . Today bus ride to " romantic road " to Rothenburg ( oh yes , the " burg " is about being a city named after a person - like a prince - bishop etc . A village around a castle . Honoring the emporer ) . Instead of having the whole city destroyed by war , Rothenburg is a city almost all mid - evil . Sine 1460 some of the buildings have stood ! We learned more about the construction of houses - about prison system ( more pictures ) and this tall walled city . We walked and toured , took pictures and did a wee bit of shopping - only an hour was provided . We bussed back - one person missing from the bus ride … we are all worried about her and where she is . Hopefully she will be here by sailing time at 7 pm . The scenery is lovely , wineries and vineyards as far as the eye can see . Big castles of the prince - bishops of old . What a site . Small towns , little roads and then a quick drive back on the autobahn . In Bamberg , the people would try to make their houses look like they did before the war . Many wood frame houses and then depending on the how they made the front look , how long before they had to pay taxes . A better front , don 't have to pay taxes for 10 years instead of 5 . Taxes to the government of the area . Then this afternoon a walk around Wurzberg , kind of a newish town … 95 % had to rebuilt after the war . Quite commercial and although some very endearing parts including bridges and big market areas , the shopping was not good . Hi again . I have been able to do Skype with Steve for about 20 minutes until we went under a bridge and lost the connection . Modern technology is amazing ! ! In stark contrast to the quiet quaint countryside that I am sailing through on this river cruise boat ! I am loving this balcony , closeness to the water , seeing the ducks , water birds , water movement , over the rocks , small country homes with red roofs , precious bridges . The greenery is so lush . So full of life . So full of movement - ever changing , but miles of it the same . Alongside the waterway - the mighty Rhine , is the railroad . Hundreds of years of history … . laid out beside the river . Towns , families , wineries all built to sustain themselves with the help of the mighty and lovely , life giving river . A speedy passenger train . Very red , not too many cars , goes speeding by . By contrast to the quiet meandering of the river and sweet bird song . Off in the distance is rich farm land , families supporting themselves and their communities with fresh grown produce , grain and grapes . Small private bridges built to make joining lands convenient . Corridors of travel - water , road , rail , even air . Connections one and all . That take the separateness of all and make us one and interconnected . I can feel the breath of this land , this water . Breathtaking . Breathing out and breathing in . Huge sigh . Small rapid breaths . Yawns of vastness . The water seems to giggle along . Happy in its travels and never really in a hurry to get anywhere - enjoying the pace and the journey . Taking it all in , reflections of the great sky , the minute tiny creatures and bugs , the home of wildlife and green growing things . This represents a unique kind of travel . Borrowing the world of this river , being one with it for a moment in time as we journey along its path . Sharing also the air , cool breezes , tiny droplets of moisture from time to time . Sharing the sights , the sounds , the fragrance , the peaceful quite and chaotic turmoil - all within each fraction of a moment . Sit still and try to hold it all … . Why was this church built on this spot ? What were the stories of the hands belonging to the individuals who also were part of families and communities ? ? what became of them ? What pride did they feel in their contribution . What did they take from the river , what did they give to it ? What is the story of this steeple and its construction , what has it meant to the people who have entered its buildings ? People watching from shore , waving to us . We acknowledge enthusiastically … " We are from Canada , come to borrow your river for a while . We want to share your story for just a brief moment ………… Thank you . We are grateful for your generosity . …… . good bye ! ! " . All said in a wave of the hand . A brief but significant encounter of human and nature , of time and space . The joining of many lifetimes and many families in that brief and wonderful encounter . I am blessed . A woman on a bike , waves with a big smile of encouragement and giving of her special place - this river . She shares so generously with us . And we gently borrow a moment of her time . With thanks !
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So . . . I am getting glasses . Does it make me feel like I am getting old ? No . Does it mean that I am getting older ? Probably . Steve and I went and had eye exams on Monday . Our youngest daughter broke his glasses a couple of months ago and it had been 2 years since we had last had our eyes checked . At our last exam I was told that I had 20 / 20 vision and that I didn 't need glasses . I couldn 't really understand why the doctor would tell me that I didn 't need glasses since I knew that I couldn 't see as well as I had before and when I put Steve 's glasses on they actually helped . So , I didn 't get glasses last time . This time we went to a different place . We didn 't really like the other place too well . Anyway , I explained to this doctor that I would like to get glasses for driving at night and for church . I don 't like squinting at our pastor . She could understand that and was fine with giving me a prescription for glasses . When I asked her what my vision actually was she told me that it is still 20 / 20 . I wasn 't really surprised . I could read the bottom of the eye chart with both eyes . She said that I probably used to have 20 / 10 vision and now I just notice that I can 't see as well . I guess it is a good thing that I at least notice it . She said that she has a lot of patients whose vision is a lot worse and they think they can see fine . I have decided that if this is 20 / 20 vision then I don 't like it . I want my 20 / 10 back . I hope the glasses will help with that . I don 't want to become dependant on them and have to wear them all the time . I am just planning on wearing them when I need them . We should be able to pick them up in a couple of days . I picked out a couple of what I think and what Steve thinks are cute pairs but we 'll see what everyone else thinks . You Are Marcia BradyConfident yet kind . Popular yet down to earth . You 're a total dream girl . You 've got the total package - no wonder everyone 's a little jealous of you . What Brady Are You ? Marcia , Marcia , Marcia . . . On Saturday night I had my first Girls Nite Out in what seemed like forever . I don 't think I can even remember the last time I went out with friends . I have been to home parties and things like that in recent months ( well , not since the baby came ) but I hadn 't gone out with friends in a very long time . Last week some of us had talked about getting together on Saturday night and watching a movie or something . No husbands and no kids . Well , it turned into a surprise birthday dinner for their new pastor 's wife ( these few friends go to the church that I grew up going to ) and so I decided that I wasn 't going to go because I don 't really know her very well . On Thursday my friend Jenny left me a voice mail inviting me to come and telling me that some of us might still go out and do something after dinner . She told me to come have fun and get out of the house . I decided that that 's what I was going to do . So what if I didn 't know their pastor 's wife very well . I knew her well enough to know that I like her and I knew I would have fun . We ended up having dinner at Elmer 's . There were over 20 women there and of course there was lots of picture taking and laughing . We had a good time . After dinner a few of us decided that we wanted to go bowling . So , we headed on over to Triple Play . Only 3 of us ended up showing up there but we got 2 games in and we had fun . We bowled next to a group of high schoolers and it was kind of funny watching them try to impress each other with their antics . I guess it wasn 't that long ago that I was like that although it almost seems like it was a lifetime ago . I am so glad that I am not that age anymore . My 2 girlfriends and I just enjoyed ourselves and we didn 't have to worry about impressing anyone . As we were walking out of the bowling alley Jenny and I decided that we need to have Girls Nite Out more often . It was nice to get out of the house and let our husbands spend quality time with our kids while we spent quality time with friends . Jb3ll3 of Notes From the ' Kan fame asked for an update on the kids . I guess I haven 't said anything about them in awhile . So here goes . . . We are all finally healthy ! I don 't like being sick ( who does ? ) but I hate it when my kids are sick . Our oldest was really the only kid that got sick . Our 2 year old just got a little bit of a runny nose that lasted for a couple of days . Nothing too major . And , our son never got anything . He still has yet to catch a cold . Quick ! Where 's a piece of wood ? ! I will admit that the last few days have been trying ones . The girls have been driving me nuts . I love them dearly , but oh boy . I think they are anxious for nice spring weather to arrive too and are tired of being cooped up in the house just like I am . The weather is getting somewhat nicer but still not quite nice enough for me to send them outside to play for a long time . We get a lot of wind at our house , so even if it is not windy anywhere else it is at our house . The wind always makes it feel so much colder than the thermometer says . Steve took them to the neighborhood playground the other day and they really enjoyed that but they were so cold when they came home . We are really seriously thinking about buying the kids a swing set because it would be so nice to just send them outside to play with something that will keep them occupied for a long time . They have a sand box and they enjoy that but I know they would really like a swing set . It would give them something else to do . We don 't let them play out front without one of us out there because they are still too young ( although we have had neighbors who have let their kids who are just as young play out front and in the all of the rest of our yards without supervision ) but we have a 6 foot fence in the backyard so it is safer . So , that 's what we 're thinking about purchasing . Maybe it would make a nice Easter present . Yesterday , our 2 year old decided that she wanted to help brush the dog . Only she didn 't use a brush . Just her hands . We have a black lab and of course he is staposted by ErinG at 1 : 49 PM I can 't believe the weather . It 's making me sick . It is snowing today . Yuck ! I am so ready for spring to be here . We had a pretty mild winter and I loved it . And now that spring is almost here winter decides that it wants to hang around little bit longer . Grrr . I 'm ready to pull out the flip flops and the capris and shorts . I want to be able to pull the cushions for the porch swing out of the garage and grab a book and swing lazily while the kids play in the back yard . I want to be able to eat dinner on the back patio . I just looked out the front window and the poor robins are pecking through the snow trying to find food . I 'm sure they 're anxious for spring too . I think I was made to live someplace tropical . I do like snow but I get really sick of it by about December . I love warmth . I actually really like the weather in Cuba . It does get very hot and humid there but there is something about that kind of weather that I like . Maybe I should live in Florida since I can 't live in Cuba . Nor would I want to with the government that they have in place there right now . I would love to go back there though . And , I really want to feel the heat right now . Well , it 's getting hard to see the grass now . I hope this snow doesn 't hang around too long . Which Seinfeld Character are you ? Elaine BenesElaine Benes is the only female member of the main characters . She provides a woman 's perspective on things as well as her own view of the world . Elaine goes through boyfriends like most women go through cereal . Whenever she encounters someone she can 't stand , which happens very often , she 's bound to complain to Jerry all about it . Click Here to Take This QuizBrought to you by YouThink . com quizzes and personality tests . I am sitting here feeling very icky right now . My throat hurts , my head hurts and my body is achy . Nice , huh ? I hate being sick . The one bad thing about being a stay - at - home mom is that I don 't get a sick day . I still have to take care of the kids all day long . I want to just go to bed and sleep while someone waits on me hand and foot . I know Steve would be here to take care of me if he could , but he 's got his job to do . Hopefully , I will get over this soon . We had a bit of a scare today in our household . Steve took our oldest daughter to the doctor today because she has still been battling this cold - like illness . Actually , today she has been doing a little bit better but she was still coughing this morning so I made an appointment for her to see the doctor . Our usual doctor was all booked up so she got in to see another doctor in the same practice . Shortly after Steve took her I got a call from him saying that he was on his way to the hospital . The doctor thought she might have RSV . Anyone who is a parent knows that you don 't want to hear that . RSV is highly contagious and can be very serious in young children and babies . Poor girl . She had to go through more awful things at the ER . She is going to grow up hating the hospital . Anyway , the nurse from the doctor 's office called a little while ago and said that the test results for RSV came back negative . Praise God ! And , the doctor just called a couple of minutes ago and said she probably just has some kind of virus that just needs to finish working its way through her system . I am just so glad that she doesn 't have RSV . But now I am the one feeling sick . I woke up this morning with a dry throat and as the day has progressed I now have a sore throat and a really bad headache . Oh well . I knew I was bound to get it eventually . Steve was the one that brought this one home . Our second daughter looks like she might be battling a small cold . Hopefully , it will just stay that . And I hope that our son stays healthy . So far we have been very lucky that he hasn 't even caught a cold yet . Well , I better sign off . I have to go start dinner . Steve has to go to Awana alone tonight but we still have to eat early so he can get there on time . Whew ! Just a little while ago I got caught up in a debate over at Huckleberries regarding abortion . There was a World Net Daily poll asking whether or not you believe Roe v . Wade will ever be overturned . I put in my two cents and shortly after that the fireworks started . I am pro - life but many of the commenters on Dave 's blog are pro - choice . Abortion is an issue that is very close to my heart and I have some very strong opinions about it . Anyway , it was a good debate . It didn 't get out of hand or turn into a flame war like so many debates over there do . It was a civil debate for the most part . It was nice to be back debating at Huckleberries . I haven 't done it in so long because I just haven 't been in the mood to . In fact , I hardly ever comment over there anymore . Too busy I guess . Most days I just check in and see what 's being talked about . But , I enjoyed myself today . I just felt like I needed to stand up for what I believe in . Non - Christians usually do not understand why I believe the things I do . I believe the things I do because of my faith . If you don 't have a relationship with Jesus Christ or have faith in Him than you can 't understand where I 'm coming from . It 's as simple as that . Anyway , it was a good debate . Our oldest daughter went to her first birthday party yesterday that wasn 't family related . She was invited by one of her little girlfriends that she goes to Awana Cubbies with . She was so excited for days about it . Everyday she would ask me " Do I get to go to the birthday party tomorrow ? " She almost didn 't get to go because she has been battling a cold for the last several days but yesterday she was doing a lot better so we let her go . I would have felt really bad if we hadn 't let her go because she had been so excited about it . I do think she might have overdone it yesterday because she is not feeling as well today and I hope that none of the other kids that were there get sick . When she came home she had to show me all of the candy she got and the princess crown that she got to make . It 's really cute . She talked about the games that they played and eating cake and ice cream and opening presents . She had so much fun and I think she felt really grown up . We 've decided now that we will probably do a birthday party with friends for her on her 5th birthday . Luckily , that is still 6 months away . I 'm not ready for her to turn 5 yet .
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byLeoDavis © Donna and I have two children , and both are enrolled in a private school . The school had a week - long spring vacation a couple of weeks earlier than the spring break at the college where I teach . Erika , my only extramarital lover , also teaches at the college and has her daughter in the same school . ( See Erika : Seduction into Adultery ) Erika was taking a sabbatical leave , so she didn 't have to worry about teaching schedules . Donna and Erika were good friends , and Donna certainly had no idea that several times a year Erika and I got together and fucked ourselves silly ! Donna and Erika decided to rent a van and take the children to Disney World for the week . They left on Friday immediately after school , and planned to return a week later on Sunday . So there I was , no family , both of " my " women gone , all alone . I resigned myself to a week of celibacy . Donna and I enjoy a good sex life , averaging three or more times each week in spite of the presence of two children . However , because of my evening activities with the drama students ( explained below ) and Donna 's time preparing for the trip , I hadn 't had sex for the three weeks before she left . My horns were a little sharp ! Several weeks earlier at the beginning of the semester , the college had begun a special late - afternoon fitness class for faculty . I joined the group which first worked out in the weight room and then swam laps in the indoor pool three days a week . There were two women and eight men in our group . One of the women was a husky , butch - type physical education instructor . But the other was an attractive , relatively young , redheaded sociology instructor , Mary . Several of the men tried to hit on her , but she ignored them . Instead , she accepted me as " safe " and we began to work out together . We would spot each other on the bench press , help each other set the adjustable weights , and otherwise assist each other to get the most out of each workout . We would generally swim laps together . Mary was unmarried and had a shapely figure and flaming - red sho " Jerry grabbed me on the butt and told me that he had what I wanted and could really make me feel good , " she said , " and so I kneed him in the crotch . " Jerry had grabbed himself , fallen down , and thrown up . Several people had seen the incident , and the story spread . I told her that Jerry was a jerk and that she had treated him exactly the way he deserved . Jerry had a reputation for screwing anything in a skirt , and according to his reputation , Mary must have been the first one who had ever turned down his offer . I wondered if Mary would kick me in the balls if I ever made a pass . Well , my making a pass at her didn 't seem a likely possibility . Three weeks before Donna and Erika left for Disney World , one of the drama majors in a class of mine had asked if I could help with the set construction for an upcoming play . He asked me if I knew anyone else who might help out , and I said I 'd check around . The next day at our workout I asked Mary if she would like to give set - building a try , and she agreed . So for almost two weeks we worked with the students for several hours several evenings a week putting up an elaborate , multilevel structure . The play was presented on two weekends , the second of which was the one where my family left for Disney World . Mary and I also worked on the stage crew each night , and we both were pleasantly surprised when the students invited us to attend the cast party after striking the set on Saturday night . We were both about a decade older than the students , and so we agreed to go together . Since Donna was going out of town , I didn 't tell her I had a " date " with another woman ! It would only have worried her , and I was only planning to escort Mary to a party ! How bad could that be ? After the play on Saturday evening it took a group of us until a few minutes after 11 : 00 P . M . to bring the set down , and we got pretty dirty . But Mary and I had planned for that contingency , and I had clean clothes in a bag in my car . Because the party was in the same apartment complex that Mary lived in , we knew it would be late before we could get to the party if I had to go home and clean up and then come back . Mary had suggested that we both could clean up at her apartment , then walk over to the party , and I could drive home afterwards . So I followed her to an apartment complex near the campus . After we parked our cars ( mine on the street since there were reserved places for residents ) , I grabbed my bag , and Mary and I walked to her building . MARY ' S PLACE : GETTING CLEAN AND SEXY The elevator was slow in coming , so we climbed the stairs to Mary 's apartment on the fourth floor . She showed me around . There was a large L - shaped living room with a small dining table and sofa and chairs , and a small U - shaped kitchen off to the left . Near the kitchen was a half - bath and a door which led , she said , to her study . Glass doors covered with drapes led to a small balcony . Mary led me into her bedroom at the far end of the L - shaped room . She switched on a lamp over her bed which was under a fully - draped window on the right wall . We walked straight ahead , and Mary showed me the bathroom , with a shower in its tub on the right wall . Across and to the left was another door , which led into her study . She locked that door ( I wondered why ? ) , pulled some towels out of a cabinet , led me back to her bedroom , and said , " You can clean up first . I 'll check my answering machine and make some phone calls . " . Mary left and closed the bedroom door . I undressed , went into the bathroom , and climbed into the shower . The shower curtain was completely transparent , and I could easily see the entire bathroom through it . There was an extremely bright light directly over the tub . I turned on the water , grabbed the soap , and showered . Being naked in Mary 's shower turned me on - particularly since there was a lingering scent of her in the room - and I got an erection , which at least made it easier to wash my penis . After I finished , I dried myself off in the tub , then climbed out and rubbed my hair dry . I cleaned my teeth and put on deodorant . As I was looking around the bathroom , I noticed that the lock button on the door to the study was popped out . I had distinctly seen Mary lock this door , so what was going on ? I tried the door , and it opened . I poked my head in and saw a cluttered desk , a bookcase , and two chairs . Then I saw a miniature video camera on the floor . I picked it up , figured out the controls , and rewound the tape for a couple of seconds . Then I played it back , looking into the viewer . I saw myself taking a showerOK , Mary wants to have a tape of me naked . Why ? What 's her game ? I decided to play by my own rules , and I had an idea how to turn the tables on her . So I wrapped a towel around my waist , stuffed my dirty clothes in the bag , grabbed my clean clothes , and went out into her living room . Mary was sitting in a chair , reading a magazine . I sat down on another chair , tossed my clothes onto the sofa , and told her that I was done . She nodded to me , and headed into her bedroom . I saw her glance at the bulge my erection made in the towel , but she didn 't give any overt sign that she had been spying on me . She closed her bedroom door , and I heard the lock click . I immediately ran to the door to the study . It was also locked . I felt around over the molding above the door , found the simple flat , slotted key to the door , unlocked it , and went into her study . The door to the bathroom was again locked . I could hear Mary splashing in the shower . I used the key to the study door , and as quietly as possible I unlocked the bathroom door . Then I slowly opened the door and looked in . Mary was holding her head under the shower , washing her hair , and wasn 't looking in my direction . I turned the recorder on . Her breasts were bouncing as she rubbed , and I felt an increasing hardness in my erection . I reached in and placed the video recorder on the nearest cabinet , aimed it toward the shower , and closed the door again . Then I went back through the apartment and used the study key to unlock her bedroom . I checked , and the bathroom door was unlocked from this room . I returned the key to its place , threw off my towel , and walked naked into Mary 's bedroom . I picked up the clothes she had laid out to wear , took them into the living room , and scattered them around the floor . I headed for the bathroom . I could hear the shower still going . I entered the brightly - lit bathroom quietly with my really stiff erection leading the way . I pushed the shower curtain aside and stepped into the shower , and Mary screamed , " What are you doing ? Get out ! " and she cI told her that she had nothing to fear from me , and that nudity and sex were not the same thing ( something Erika had tried on me without success ) . Mary pointed to my erection and said , " That 's not what it says ! " I then pulled her arm away from her breasts and pointed at them . " How about your nipples ? Are they always pointing out that way ? " I asked . She pulled her arm back and covered herself . Then she started to cry . " I don 't want you to rape me and get me pregnant ! " She cried . She stopped crying and looked at me with astonishment . " How can you possibly know that ? " . " I 've won bets with friends because I can tell from a woman 's sweat when she 's menstruating . I 'm very scent - sensitive . " I said . " You were having your period during our workouts last Friday , Monday , and Wednesday . But yesterday you were not . " Her mouth was now hanging open . " Besides , your breasts were a little swollen during your period , but now they 're their usual size , " I said . " 34 C ? " I asked . Of course I had seen her bra , too ! She blushed again , and said , " You know too much intimate stuff about me and my body ! It 's not fair ! It 's not right ! " " Well , you just made a secret video of me , completely naked , so you know a lot of personal stuff about my body , too ! What 's so fair and right about that ? Well , enough of this chitchat . Let 's wash each other and get to the party . " I said , and Mary grabbed herself even tighter . " Turn around and try to relax ! " " Relax ! I 'm just going to scrub you a little ! " I then washed her back , from her neck to her feet , being careful to avoid touching her in any place ( other than her ass ) that might seem too sexual . Mary was obviously scared . Then I told her to do the same for me . We switched places , with Mary trying to avoid pushing by my erect penis , but I faced her and made it slide along her hip . Man , did that feel great ! Then I turned around , and after some prodding , Mary washed my back . I kept talking to her , trying to calm her down . Then I turned back around , gently pulled her arms apart , and said , " Now wash the front of my body . I 've never seen a woman 's red pubic hair before , and I want to look at it while you scrub me . " After a brief argument , she began to wash my chest . She stayed just far enough away that my penis didn 't touch her , although she kept glancing down at it . She then dropped down and washed my legs , carefully avoiding my crotch , but having to be careful that her face didn 't brush against my penis . I really enjoyed the sight of her nakedness , particularly her red - thatched pussy and red - tipped , jiggling , breasts . Carol just stood there shaking her head . " This is all wrong ! I 'm sorry I taped you ! " Then more words rushed out . " But - you 're - married - and - I 'm - a - virgin - and - this - is - a - mortal - sin ! " " Sharing a shower 's a sin ? Darn , I must have missed that sermon ! " I remarked . " Besides , if we have sex , I 'm the adulterer , not you , and that 's between my wife and me , anyway . " Mary blushed , but finally lowered her hands , and I began to wash her , starting at her shoulders . Her breasts were firm and filled my hands , and her nipples got hard as I rubbed my hands over them . She was frightened , but she let me wash her . She had her eyes squeezed tightly shut as if to pretend this wasn 't happening to her . Then I washed the fronts of her legs . Finally I lathered up my hand and gently washed her pubic hair , squeezing a finger through her clenched thighs to touch her labia . Mary opened her eyes , gave out a little yelp , and jumped back . Her pupils were completely dilated , and she was really terrified . I backed away and said , " Mary , you have nothing to fear from me . I really want to make love to you , but I won 't do that unless you ask me to push my penis into you and take your virginity . " " Fat chance ! " she muttered , but she began to look a little less frightened . " I won 't rape you . " I said . " But if you want me to have sex with you , I 'll do my best to be a good lover . " " You 're crazy ! We 're not going to have sex ! And I 'm certainly not going to ask you ! " she exclaimed , but she did calm down . She no longer tried to cover herself with her hands . I put my hands on her shoulders , and she didn 't jump this time . She even reached up and but her hands on top of my arms , letting me view her entire body . I looked into her eyes for a minute or two , then asked , " Would you please wash my penis and testicles ? " Mary blushed again , and said , " I couldn 't ! That 's just too much ! What if I hurt you ? I 've never touched a man 's private parts before ! " " Then it 's time you did ! " I said . " Besides , all you will be doing is cleaning me , right ? It 's not as if this is sexual ! " After a little more protestation she did exactly that . When she wrapped her hand around my shaft and began to stimulate me , I knew she had been paying attention when she had made the tape ! When I started to make sounds in my throat , she stopped , looking a little frightened again , but also looking pleased with herself . We shared a towel and dried off . I used another towel to rub her hair dry . Mary was starting to get over her bashful self - consciousness , but she was clearly jumpy at our nakedness , and she wrapped herself in a towel as we left the bathroom . I remained naked . She didn 't see the video camera and she didn 't see me pick it up and hide it behind my back as we walked into her bedroom . When she found her clothes gone , she got scared and angry . I told her that her clothes were in the living room , and with a puzzled expression on her face , we left the bedroom . As she bent over to pick up her clothes from the floor , I held the camera against my leg and got terrific shots of her red - haired pussy as she unknowingly exposed herself . Mary finally realized what I was doing when I pulled her towel off her , leaving her naked , and pointed the camera at her . She ran at me and grabbed the video recorder , but I got the tape out , rewound it , and put it into her VCR . Then , with both of us still standing there completely naked , I made her watch the tape showing me in the shower , then her in the shower , then both of us in the shower . When she saw herself washing my penis , she blushed all over her face and breasts . Then when she saw several closeups of her pussy as she bent over in the living room , she started to cry again . I pulled her down and sat next to her on her sofa , one hand over her shoulder gently resting on the top of her breast . " I 've been having very , very strong sexual feelings about you all of the time ! " She said . " But my upbringing makes me feel guilty and afraid of them ! And you 're married ! " " My marriage vows are my concern , not yours . " I said . " Most people would think that the intimacy you and I have already shared means I 've broken them . I don 't expect you to be a marriage - wrecker , but you are already right in the middle of the sexual part of it , aren 't you ? " byLeoDavis © 10 comments / 340864 views / 36 favoritesShare the loveTweetReport a BugSubmit bug reportNext3 Pages : 123123GoLogin or Sign UpStoriesPoemsStory SeriesTags PortalChatForumAdult StoreMoviesWebcamsMobile VersionFAQSearchEnglish | Spanish | German | French | Dutch | Other languagesAll contents © Copyright 1998 - 2012 . Literotica is a trademark . No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission . Terms Of Services | Report A Problem | PrivacyUsername : Password : Forgot your password ? Security code : Change pictureYour current user avatar , all sizes : You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation . Select new user avatar : Upload and save
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Just the scribblings of an opinionated semi - sane New Yorker , well if you consider 90 % insanity to be semi sane . I ditched the boyfriend . If you like my blog , please like my page on Facebook . See link in the right sidebar . Suddenly a shot rang out ! Yes i stole that . I 'm visiting my best friend this weekend , she needs help sewing a coat so i came up today . She cut out the pattern then left to go to church with her husband leaving me with the pattern pieces and fabric . Being the careful seamstress that i am i looked at the instructions to lay out all the pieces before i began cutting . There was a front , a gusset , an upper and lower sleeve , side panel and back , i picked up the last big piece of tissue paper , it wasn 't the back . The back wasn 't there . Her daughter came over from the couch to help me look for it , in the pattern pieces , the pattern envelope . We got crumpled pieces out of the garbage , no back . I wondered if the pattern company had forgotten to put it in , then i remembered she had held the back up to her to measure it . At this point i became convinced i had somehow lost the pattern piece and would have to leave not just her house but the country and berated myself for not learning Portuguese before having to move to Brazil . Her daughter remained optimistic , with ideas and scenarios , " Maybe it fell on the floor when mom was carrying it over here . " So we started looking under things , she picked up the couch and i checked , no pattern piece . She found another piece of crumpled up tissue paper the cat has been playing with and started to uncrumple it . " This isn 't it , too thin . " I stood next to her as the 9 became visible , " That 's it , that 's the pattern piece . Go get the iron and ironing board . " Piece found , ironed out , and placed on the fabric . Now we can drink banana smoothies and laugh at ourselves . Tags : Accident , Em , Gwen , Patterns , Sewing I spent Saturday night at my old place . I used to rage against people who said I lived upstate , " I don 't live upstate , I live in the Hudson Valley . " Saturday when Em was in the city and the Greenpeace guy was asking us for money , the first question they always ask is " Where are you from ? " Em answers , " Upstate . " So … . I slept in my old bedroom , except it wasn 't my old bedroom . The bed was where my sewing machine used to be , they actually turned the two rooms into one , so there is a sleeping area and a sitting area , so Sarah can have a friend over . Em got corn and roasted it on the grill . It was so good , but I was sick , I am still sick . Blech . This was an acoustic show . Meaning no band , just him and two friends with guitars . The proceeds from this concert benefited his charity " Sidewalk Angels " . Mari even came on stage to tell a little about it and thank everyone for , in effect , donating . This is also not the first time I have seen Rob Thomas , and the reason this is not on the review blog is because I am not reviewing his show . Instead I am writing about the experience . I went up to Em 's on Friday and we drove out to the concert . I had a migraine starting Wednesday and was still feeling it Friday even after I stayed home Thursday ( I had originally planned to go to work on Thursday ) . Despite this I made it to the train I wanted to catch , I was even early and very proud of myself . The only thing was , since I was getting on at 125th , and I never know which direction is which , I mean I had an idea but I wasn 't sure , so I got on the front of the train instead of the back and so got off in Beacon on the wrong end of the train . Not really a problem , just confused Tigger who was waiting for me and didn 't see me come out with the rest of the people . Fast forward to the concert , which we got lost driving to ( a couple of times ) , and as we were sitting there Em told me that a co - worker made her feel old by saying Billy Joel is washed up , or a has been or something like that . After I scoffed at that I was looking around the arena and saw a banner hanging up , " Billy Joel " with a big 10 under his name , and under that " sold out shows in a row . A New England record . Or it was at the time . I pointed it out to Em , she read the dates " from May to July 2008 " , well that was 3 years ago she remarked with a smirk . He broke a record set in 1987 . Washed up my a __ . On the entertainment side , the biggest thing in the casino business , for this property and for me , was Billy Joel . It was the biggest deal I have ever been involved in . Dennis Arfa ( Joel 's booking agent since 1976 ) and I go back years . I would always approach Dennis - from when I was in Atlantic City until I came up to New England - and ask , " How can I get Billy Joel to do a casino ? " It never happened . One day , Dennis and I were having a friendly lunch and , of course , I brought the subject up again . The idea of breaking a ( casino ) record intrigued Billy and it intrigued us as well . We did 10 sold - out shows in a row . He sold out every show instantly . That , to me , is one of the great casino entertainment stories . First was getting to the train station , first thing was , since it was New Year 's Eve day , I wanted to get home as soon as possible , before everyone and his brother started going down to the city . I was up to late for Tigger , D wanted to get the car looked at , Em convinced him to wait for me to eat breakfast . I caught the 10 : 57 out of Beacon . When I got to 125th Street I had to pee but the bathroom door was locked . Since I was going home I decided to just wait till I got there and hiked down to the # 6 train . I swiped my card , and went nowhere . A 30 day MetroCard is just that , 30 days not a month . So I had to go get a new MetroCard , then I went down , I was determined to not get on the express like the last time but I hesitated on the first platform , " Uptown and the Bronx " . If I was at GCT that is the train I would take , but I was in Harlem , I ran down to the next platform as the doors were closing on the train . So I had to wait and I had to pee , not a good combination . I hate running in my apartment when I have to pee , that 's usually when I forget to lock my door and then I 'm in the bathroom wondering if I locked the door or not . After almost a week off and after getting too much sun the day before , I did not enjoy going back to work today . I did it , with my swollen eyes and pale face and I lasted the entire day . The kids gave Em here iPhone today . She started playing Words with Friends . I would never have thought she would have done it , she doesn 't like games . But she started a game with me , and Gwen and D . It is kind of scary . Time to sign off , see everyone tomorrow . In the city today , Em is in Vermont so I was all alone , I was going to tweet to see if any of my followers was watching the game in the city and could I join them , then I checked the game time , 9 : 00 p . m . There went that idea . Then I got in a mini fight with Em ( she later blamed it on her husband , I 'm cool with that ) . While in the city I got a Russell Martin shirt for Em 's husband and a shirt with " 27 reasons not to be Red Sox fan " for Tuesday 's game . Ashley checked my ear for me , the new piercing is healing fine and she told me what to do with the one that was bleeding . I was planning on going for tea and to a store I had a groupon for . My mood was entirely ruined for that before I left Ashley 's so I left NoHo and headed up to Grand Central Terminal . Thinking I should come home I asked Stitch why he told his mom I was mad at them . He said he didn 't and then said " You don 't have to come home . " I was already up at Grand Central so I couldn 't go to the clothing store I had a Groupon for so I just started walking . I found a street fair and walked the whole length of it and back . I bought a hat , a necklace , some magnets , earrings and a watch that didn 't work . Then I stopped at a bar to have a beer , or two . I might go back there sometime if I need to watch the game when I 'm in the city . By the time I got home , the game was 20 minutes old . Big Stoppa was pitching . I thought Em wanted me to tweet game details , then she said she was following it on her iPad . So what the heck did she need me for ? So I just tweeted spectacular facts about the game . But I think she didn 't get them because of all the other tweets she was getting . This is a blog I enjoy , This Space For Rent Call 1 - 800 - BITE ME , this is the Blogger that turned me on to " Postaday2011 " . We encourage each other , well , she encourages me , I don 't know if I encourage her but I try . My first introduction to Stacey was on Twitter , when I got put on lists of Yankee fans , then I followed her links to her blog . It is a mix of things , she writes about being bipolar , being a Yankee fan ( like me ! ) , sometimes she posts fiction she has written , sometime a collection of random thoughts . It 's always interesting . My interest in reading about being bipolar is personal , my best friend in the whole wide world has two children who have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and so I like to read about other people with the same disorder , perhaps in the hope that I can be a better ' Auntie ' to her kids . Stacey 's blog is very helpful because she is very honest in it . She is very brave to put herself out there like that . I hope someday we get to meet . Except a part of me is afraid she won 't like me . There is my little insecurity showing . So check out her blog , and that 's all , says she . Saturday was good , and it was beautiful day . I was just so tired yesterday , and I had to write a blog post about the Yankee game and a review post about Yorkville Crêperie where we had lunch Saturday . So I actually did post more then just the pictures Sunday , but I wanted to come back and talk about the day . We started with lunch , during which Em decided she needs to make her nail appointment either early in the day or last thing before we leave . While she was getting her nails done I decided to get a pedicure . I forgot to tell her to use my lotion , an oversight I regretted later , but I 'll get to that later . After the nail appointment , Em was going to a store she didn 't want me to come in with her ( adult toy store ) . She said she was afraid I would giggle and get us thrown out . Probably would have . So I went to the park ( Central Park ) to wait for her . While I was waiting there were some men putting on a show . Then Em sent me a text and I went to meet her , then we cut through the park . Spring is in the air , I started sneezing . So we had to leave the park , later as we were walking on the sidewalk past the park , my nose started itching . I hate allergies . Later when I took my socks and shoes off , I really hated them . I had a rash from the lotion . Nasty red bumps that itched . I don 't normally worry about the lotion , normally I am wearing sandals , but that day I had socks and sneakers on , so the lotion really got rubbed in , and I had shaved my legs in the past week or two . Sometimes , it is really hard being a girl . And that is all , says she . It 's been said that a bad day at golf is better then a good day at work . Today would have been a very bad day at golf . It was raining and nasty , cold too . So was it better for me then going to work ? Well lets see … . Lunch was at 12 : 30 p . m . so I had to get up at 11 : 00 a . m . , so I could go get a latte from the coffee shop . Then I got a free lunch at Panera . I was home when the UPS guy delivered my new Yankee jacket that I ordered from the MLB store , but it was nasty and rainy ! The afternoon was a series of frustrations . While at lunch I got hummus on my shirt so I had to wash it when I got home . Yes even me , the gigantic slob , know you have to wash your clothes when you get food on them . So I got some clothes together and put them in the washer . I started straightening up my room , actually I was looking for something . Anyway , … . . First Fred called , he wanted me to come get him at Ron 's and ' bring money ' . So I did that , of course it wasn 't a quick trip because he wanted ice cream from Ron 's , and not just a quick cone of ice cream , it had to be something that had to be made . When I got home I put my ice cream in the freezer because I had clothes to take care of . First I had to put my dry clothes away , then hang up the wet clothes . As I started to put away clothes I got a text from Gwen , she needed someone to take her to the laundrymat to dry the towels . So I did that , of course I couldn 't just drop her off , I had to stay with her . When I finally got home and got done , I got my ice cream out of the freezer to eat it . Of course by then it was dinner time so I got a glare from Em for eating ice cream instead of ' real food ' . I didn 't let it bother me . Would you ? Once again I have a Wednesday off where I didn 't get to do what I wanted to do . Well , I managed to get a work - out in , and for that my legs are now killing me , which tells me I need to do this more often . So lets run through my day , first I got up earlier then I wanted to drive Tigger to school . Then I stopped at Panera to get breakfast and do some blogging with my iPod . My mistake here was checking into Facebook , which let Tigger know where I was , which led him to send me a message asking for him to bring him food from Panera . Which I did , but it took longer then I wanted because there was an accident on Route 9 that had two lanes shut down . Then I came home , got my stuff together and went to Allsport , had a nice workout and shower . Felt good ! My plan was then to go to the library and go online . But the library I went to doesn 't have wifi . The reason I wanted to go online at the library was I knew I wouldn 't be interrupted at the library . Which happened when I came home . I feel like I am an evil person if I send Gwen away even though she says she doesn 't mind . But she is so BORED ! ! So I put Sims in the computer , but before we could play any Tigger sends me a text message that he needs to be picked up . After I got home I once again sat down to come online and once again was interrupted , this time to go to the grocery store for Em . And now that I am here , all I can remember of what I was going to say is … . nothing . Stop drilling in my sinuses ? How do I know it 's a little man ? Because a big man wouldn 't fit . And the drilling ? Well that 's what it feels like . In other news , I still can 't find my brand of Tampons in the store . Yes I 'm a bloody mess , just deal with it . Today I needed something . Last time I got Kotex , in the black box with the multicolored applicator 's . I give them 0 stars . I will not be using anymore , I do not recommend them . When I was cleaning things recently I scrounged around and managed to find two tampons of the brand I prefer . However I did have to get some more . Its either find another brand I like , or start using pads . * shudder * Today I was getting confused by all the boxes , so I just bought the Target brand . I would say I 'll keep you posted , but I 'm not sure that 's what you want . Last night as I was sitting in bed and looking at my laptop , I came to a decision . As much as I have committed to posting every day , my health is more important . Since I can never just come online and type my blog post and then leave , when I am feeling tired and head - achy and generally not well , I am not posting . Sorry WordPress . I am going to try to make sure the number is kept up . A feat that will be much more difficult once baseball starts this Thursday since I will then be blogging about the games on my other blog . But I am still going to make the effort . I anticipate these blog posts will become much shorter . U . S . EPA NEWS FOR REGION 02An error has occurred ; the feed is probably down . Try again later . Emerald Ash Borer ~ in New York This Asian beetle infests and kills North American ash species ( Fraxinus sp . ) including green , white , black and blue ash . Thus , all native ash trees are susceptible .
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We had our 20 week morphology ultrasound on 18 / 2 / 12 . Growth rate is good , baby appears to be healthy and well - formed , and she was pretty certain we 're having a boy ! Nice exciting news , we are both very happy . Have been getting bits and pieces for him in the form of presents from friends and family . Have only spent around $ 100 on six modern cloth nappies . My dad and stepmum will be buying me the rest . ( The only reason I bought them was because they were on special , one brand marked down from $ 36 to $ 17 . 95 and the other brand marked down to $ 15 . 40 from $ 26 ) . We have been pretty slack with saving conciously but for some reason our accounts are looking the healthiest they ever have , we have $ 9000 in our EF . It is a long way from the dribs and drabs we were trying to hold onto when my old boss decided to cut my hours and I was only earning $ 250 a week ! ! ! The new job has been very good to me , and I think I will want to return in 12 months time even if it 's only a few shifts a week , on nights or weekends . PLUS a store is being built about ten minutes walk from my house ! I am hoping it will be built by the time my maternity leave is over ! ( I get 12 months maternity leave ) . Most of you know that Australia doesnt have a big coupon culture , but my work is currently doing a new promotion for something their developers have been working on for several years . For their own brand of products they have eliminated all artifical colours and MSG , and to celebrate the launch they have given all staff members a coupon book for half price products to try . I looked through it and there is actually a lot of stuff I can use , so I 'm looking forward to trying that ! The offer ends 31 / 3 so I suppose I should get my act together . I started a new semester of uni on Monday , and got my results for the summer semester last Friday . I got an A for Marketing and a B for Financial Accounting . This semester I am only doing one subject , Economics . Hoping I do well in this one . Only four more subjects until I can start my minor in Personal Finance ! Well I 'm 18 . 5 weeks pregnant and everything seems to be going alright so far . In a week and a half we find out the gender and get to see our baby again ( last time was the nt scan at 12 weeks ) . I think sometimes I feel little movements but I can 't be sure - everyone says between now and 20 weeks I will feel them so perhaps it is . I haven 't had any really bad pregnancy problems like out - of - control nausea or anything like that , but I * have * been really really tired . I usually have a 2 hour nap on top of my regular 8 hours sleep a night . DH has been really great , doing all the washing , sharing the dishes and cooking with my little sister so I have to only do it if I feel up to it . Not to say I haven 't been doing anything though ! I 've been working about 6 days a week with my new job and my book - keeping job . I got a lot of hours over the holiday season which was great . Some days I got double time and a half pay . I 've also still been studying at Uni . In hindsight I probably would have been better off doing one subject if I 'd known how tired I 'd be and how much work I 'd get . Alas , the summer semester is over now and I am really confident I got great results too ! Not sure how I managed it , I didn 't really do as much studying as they recommend . Most of it was done on my lunchbreak at work . My little sister has moved out again . This time she 's living with my brother , so atleast she 's in partially capable hands ( ? ? ) . He lives two states away , and her plane leaves this afternoon . My parents are taking her to the airport - it was sad this morning to say goodbye to her , I will miss her even though she could be a handful . I just hope everything goes well for her . She 's going to be studying fashion design at Latrobe . We 're beginning to accumulate things for the baby now . So far we have been given ( or promised to be given things that havent arrived yet ) most of what we need of the big ticket items . Some friends have lent us their cot . DH 's sister is lending us : a change table / baby bath , bassinet , newborn capsule & car seat , newborn clothes , breast pump she didnt use . We just have to buy a pram and I have my eye on one that is currently on special , a Steelcraft design for $ 215 ( normally around $ 499 ) . My dad and stepmum are buying us cloth nappies ( the modern cloth type ) . I 've still bought a few on sale the past week , just because the specials have been so great . Found some ' unpopular ' colours on cushietushies . com . au for $ 17 . 95 , marked down from $ 35 . 95 . Also found at babybeehinds . com . au their hemp fitted nappy on sale for $ 15 . 40 from $ 26 each . I bought three of each and hopefully what my dad and stepmum can buy for us will be all I 'll need nappy - wise - for this baby and the next . ( I will be buying a box of newborn disposables for the first week or two ) . The new job is going great . I am still learning everything and all the goings on . I have two tests for uni due on Monday . Ah ! Kind of freaking out but I should be fine . I have a half hour ( paid ) and one hour ( unpaid ) break so I have been using those to read my textbooks . I realised this will take atleast a good five hours off my total twenty eight hours of study a week . If I 'm organised with my studying I an usually knock another four or five off just by being thorough and taking adequate notes . Pregnancy is going well so far ( as far as I know , anyway ! ) . I am nine weeks on Monday . We have booked our first scan for 28th December . Was hoping for before Christmas but it can 't be helped . We told all of our parents . My mum as usual is being a bit overbearing . She has already told me I should be extremely worried and that there is something wrong because I have not had vomitting morning sickness , only mild nausea . : - / thanks mum ! She is also telling me what nappies to buy ! Even though her last baby is now 16 ! Sigh . It will be interesting when I tell her I plan on having a hospital birth and not home births like her . ( I swear I am the only child in the world who 's mother is unhappy that I AM going to a hospital / birth suite to have a baby ! Sheesh ! ) Other than that , I 've had a bit of a cold which has been a bit worrying . I am going to go to the doctor on Monday just as a precaution . DH got his ( much late ) birthday presents today . Usually our ' presents ' to each other are several hours of tattooing ( not done by each other ! Obviously ! But by a good friend and very talented artist ) , but this time DH got something different . There are good specials around at the moment . He finally got his ps3 he has been wanting for two years . Talk about delayed gratification ! We found the cheapest at Kmart , $ 288 less my company staff discount of 5 % made it $ 273 . He used his vouchers from friends for his birthday to buy some games . ( elder scrolls , midnight race club and grand theft auto ) . It 's been a long time coming , the last piece of electronic equipment he bought himself was his computer , around 7 years ago . His other present is finishing his sleeve , which won 't be until late January . We are going to have a nice weekend away soon , our belated honeymoon . Remember that free hotel stay at dh 's uncles hotel ? Yeah well we have not gone yet ! But soon , I hope . . . Then today My boss tells me that because I am only working mondays now , that does not suit them , so they have to ' let me go ' . He then asked ME when I wanted to finish up ! I said that the reason I got another job was because we could not live on the hours they gave me , and now that I had gotten a new job we would just be getting ahead . I said that I 'd only worked there for five years and so I guess tha must not count for much ! � And then said that whatever legal minimum amount of notice they had to give me , then that would be my last day and to let me know . I got a call from His wife not long after and she tried to tell me it was my fault , that she had offered me lots of extra shifts ( actually was only a few lots of two extra hours , tacked onto the shifts I already did , while a lady went away ) and that I had ' thrown them back at her ' . And that I had told her to ' not bother about any afternoon shifts ever ' . What I 'd actually said was that I was able to do them where they fitted into my uni schedule but that I needed notice as I plan my assessments based on times Im able to do them . And also she said � that with permanents , the amount of notice a person gives when resigning is the same amount of notice they recieved when being fired . I said that first of all , I 'm not permanent and secondly I never resigned , so I don 't know what that 's got to do with me . And she tried to tell me that I did not give appropriate amount of notice for not being able to work Fridays . ( after I got off the phone I looked at the calender and realised that YES I did , I gave her 14 days and she was trying to tell me I didn 't . . . I sent her a text message about it but she has not replied . probably banging her head against the wall saying ' dammit ! ' ) . She told me that the last time we ' had words ' it would have been grounds for instant dismissal because of the way that I spoke to her . I don 't really think that is true . I told her I didn 't appreciate the way she spoke to me and that she � gives off the feeling that she does not care about anyone 's personal situations and how their actions affect their staff � - since when is that grounds for dismissal ? Well , I guess it must be . Anyway , she told me she did not know how much notice she had to give me . Why would you fire someone and not find this stuff out ? So , I 'm waiting to hear back about it . I wanted to continue working there until early next year . Well , we 'll see how that goes ! I sent an email telling my dad what happened ( he lives two states away ) and he is FUMING . He told me to make sure I call one of the fair treatment government bodies and make sure I get treated right at the end . I 'm casually employed - but I have been there for five years . I always thought casuals could just get sacked for no reason , at any time , but when my boss was trying to sack another woman ( and give the hours to ME ! Oh how things change . . . ) apparently you have to give three written warnings . . . We will see . I know I am being stubborn - I don 't WANT to work there , and I PLANNED to leave soon - but I feel as though the way they 've treated me ( & other staff ) has been disgusting so I should at least make them work for it if they want me gone that bad . In the end it doesn 't bother me so much - I would have left after Christmas anyway , it was only going to be an extra $ 200 or so of earnings . They did not find out any information before sacking me so I guess it was an impulse decision and they thought I would go without a fuss . One of the things that sits in the back of my mind gnawing away is that I always envisioned when I left this place , I 'd come back and see my boss and catch up occasionally . We have been friends for about 6 - 7 years - 4 of which I worked for him . The last year and a bit their true colours have shown and they 're both obsessed with money - it has been disappointing . Now if I ever saw them in the street I 'd not even wave , I 'd keep on walking . Posted in Uncategorized I have been waiting for what seems like ages to post about this , and technically things are still in the early stage so I wouldn 't be surprised if things still don 't work out . I 'm pregnant ! Six and a bit weeks . We have only told DH 's mum so far , and a couple of very close friends . We are waiting until Christmas time / 12 weeks before we tell everyone else . Our due date is 9th July next year . So far I 've only felt a mild amount of nausea a couple of times . I 've been getting tired a lot more . I know the best of the morning sickness is just about to start ( if it does - here 's hoping it 's not too bad ) . I had my general induction on Saturday ( it was so boring I could 've fallen asleep ! ) . I got paid to do it too , which I wasn 't sure I would ! Fantastic ! $ 22 . 70 an hour to sit and listen about their values and goals is ok by me ! Yesterday I got a call from the bakery sections manager . I have apparently been ' given ' to her by the deli manager and have been offered a permanent part - time position , 112 hours a month , and I also get trained on checkouts and deli . I have four more training and induction sessions before I actually start doing any shifts , my first is on Thursday . Initially I jumped excitedly around the house singing about quitting my ( current ) job . Until I realised it would probably be beneficial to keep working that job as long as it fits in with my new job , for as long as possible or atleast until Christmas is over and DH gets more work ( He can 't work most of december and half of January as most trade suppliers are closed ) . This means I will be working 48 hours a week plus studying two subjects ( each require 10 - 12 hours a week study ) . ( I have 13 hours at my current job , 7 hours at my book - keeping job and will now have 28 a week at my new job ! ) I think I can do it . I will give it a try anyway . I have until December 3rd to drop a subject without financial or academic penalty . If I did drop a subject - that would be the hard choice . I know I SHOULD do the accounting subject - but it 's so hot now that summer has started and I find it difficult to concentrate . Also , I realised my marketing textbook is the 2009 / 2010 edition , which is apparently being used this year too , but I 'm not sure I can stretch it to next year and I don 't want to have to buy another one . ( I bought this one second hand for only $ 50 - new its over $ 85 . Small savings I know , but every bit counts ! ) The marketing one is FUN , so I doubt I will have a problem concentrating on it . I just feel as though I SHOULD be doing the accounting one . Oh well , there is always next semester . I have a 70 's party to go to and while DH is all excited about dressing up ( he 's planning on short , bright gym gear , head bands and maybe some roller skate haha ) I 'm not overly enthused . I find dress up parties a PITA most of the time . I 've just bought an orange patterned kaftan top and will wear it with some brown jeans and cork wedges I bought on sale for $ 5 . Is that 70 's enough ? I wouldn 't know . . . I wasn 't born then ! It seems there 's a lot of 80 's stuff in the stores but also there 's starting to be a bit more 70 's styles , must be the ' new ' thing . Gosh I remember being a teenager and that stuff mattered . . . now , if it doesn 't make me look fat and its comfortable and reasonably priced , you 've just made a sale to me . Posted in Uncategorized I get a call from the boss 's wife telling me this , and then offers me four days work instead of the two I have now . I used to do four days - but they are 6 . 5 hour days , 26 hours a week in total . With the ' new ' schedule I would probably be looking at around 24 hours a week . LOL ! Initially , I was not going to tell her I had just been given a new job . Why ? It 's none of her business . Especially since I was hoping to leave anyway . So she asks me if this was my plan . I tell her that the new work knows that I have work on Mondays and Fridays . ( Well , they do . . . ) Of course I get off the phone and now feel like I did the wrong thing . Should I have taken it ? I don 't know . I am incredibly unhappy working there , so I don 't think I did the wrong thing . But then I worry with plans of having a baby in the future , what would the new work be like ? Are they going to dismiss me when they find out ? It is casually based employment , so they are within their rights to sack people for no good reason . My current work ( the one I hate ) would probably let me work there until I no longer was physically able to . I guess I just have to take the chance . The new work is also 15 minutes drive away , versus current work 30 minutes . I 'll be halving my driving time anyway . I also get a 5 % discount on groceries I spoke to DH after the call . He asked me if I told the boss 's wife that the reason I found more work was because they cut my hours and we were struggling . DAMMIT . Why did I not think to say that ? It would have been the perfect opportunity to put her through a guilt trip - god knows she deserves it after all the ones she 's put me through ! Don 't you hate it when you realise there were so many more things you could have said ? Dang . Posted in Uncategorized I recieved an email from Coles saying I wasn 't succesful , which made me moody and depressed for an hour before I decided to apply for yet MORE jobs . After sending off application # 4 , I got a call from the deli manager at Coles ( yes - who just sent me an email an hour before saying I didn 't get it - lol , WHAT ? ! ) . Anyway , she asked me if I would still like the position and if so , please attend an induction on Saturday from 9 - 2 . HOW EXCITING . It is not exactly a job to aspire to have , I know , but for reasons which I will save for another post , it is the type of job that suits me right now . Plus I am excited at the opportunity to get my foot in the door of a national company because it will no doubt help me limp along while I keep doing my degree . Posted in Uncategorized It is just a casual supermarket deli - counter customer service job interview . . . BUT it 's an interview ! I know it 's not exactly stepping up from my current job , but I need the money , and it 's actually an appealing thought to be able to show up , do the work and go home without having to listen to the owner whinge about how he doesn 't have any money , while also whinging about how he never gets to take his boat out on the water . I will see how it goes . If it turns out I get a decent amount of hours I 'll be quitting my current job so fast they won 't know what happened . No use staying on in a job that makes me depressed every time I walk in the door , if I 'm working another that is pretty much the same kind of work but no ill feelings . I also kind of like the idea that once I get employment at one supermarket , it looks better on your resume when applying at others . ( While I 'm studying I either want a job that reflects my current mode of study - or a no - thinking type of job . ) I also had my first exam today , last one is next wednesday . End of my first year at university ! Time flies . I start the summer semester five days after my last exam , heh heh . No rest . . ! Ahh , it has been a little while . Update time . I have had my head in the sand re : our finances lately . I do not have the motivation to track our daily expenditure again . I have not done this in over a year now . Funny thing it though , we are SO much better now , than we were then . Hardly any needless spending during the week ( ' Oh , I 'm thirsty , I 'll buy a drink . . . ' ) and we do not buy a lot of things these days , generally . AGAIN still no luck on the job front , however I received an email stating I am on the shortlist for a job at a local supermarket . Not exactly a career opportunity , but with studying , it is actually something I want : a no - think type of job . My main aim is to secure as many hours as I had at the bakery ( 30 p / w ) and then RESIGN from the bakery . It is sad , but I have been daydreaming about it . Yes ! Actually imagining it in my mind , ( embarrasingly , I do this a couple times a day ) the day that I resign . . . I am pretty sure , that is an absolute sign that I should be leaving . Just had my older sister stay a night and two days with me . I have not seen her for over two years as she has been living in the UK . She is quite depressed as she has left ' the love of her life ' over there and can 't find a single way to get back there . ( He will not get married - nor will he visit her in Australia ) . I didn 't want to say anything , as the memory and pain is still fresh , having only been back for two weeks , but he sounds like he is not worth it . . . He wants to work and live in the same place he has grown up in . His plans next year are to climb some big trees in california with his friends ( redferns ? or something ? ) and he wants to keep doing what he is doing ( he is a tree surgeon ) . I feel bad for my sister , she is so upset at having to leave him , but at the same time I hope she will realise that if he is not willing to even change a tiny bit of his life for her , then maybe he does not love her as much as she loves him . Or , is just being selfish . But , that 's just me . I would put love over pretty much anything . Life does not always work out how you expect it to . So , that 's kind of sad My younger sister has taken it upon herself to move out of home ( she is 16 but thinks she knows everything there is to know ) . I visited her yesterday , with my other sister and younger brother . The place she is living is TERRIBLE . She does not even have any sheets on her bed ! ( My mum said she tried to give her some and she said she had some - obviously too proud at the moment ) She shares a room with a guy she goes to school with ( they are just friends ) and they pay $ 190 a week for a little room , use of a washing machine , bathroom and kitchenette . It is just horrible . There isn 't even a light in the kitchenette . I am not overly thrilled at having her living with us again ( she is a messy hormonal teenager , what can I say ? added onto the fact that we hope to have a baby next year . . . ) BUT , I can 't stand to have her live in such a place . I sent her a text message and said that if she wants to leave there for ANY reason , she ALWAYS has a place here , and if she decided she wanted to be here long term she could always rent , for less than what she 's paying there . UGH . I give it another month . She has been there two weeks . I think she needs some time , and then she will realise it is not something she wants to do . Once the novelty of having no one telling you what to do wears off , she will realise it 's really not all that great . My friend has asked me to help her make wedding cake toppers ( the edible kind made out of modelling icing ) . It seems like a good opportunity . I feel bad though because this friend always leaps into everything head first , and I cannot afford to shell out money for something I 'm not really sure about . She has not asked me for any money though , and has bought everything herself . She wants me to decide if I want an hourly rate or a piece rate , and how much I want . Sigh . Is this really something I should be deciding ? She seems to think it 's ' our ' business and she keeps talking about ' splitting everything down the middle ' . It is so confusing . I don 't actually know what I 'm doing ! And she has a tendancy to do things the hard way ( ie handcutting something out instead of using an icing cutter ) . Anyway . We 'll see how it goes . I just don 't know if this is something serious , or if she 's just asking me to do it for her so she can give me some money and not feel guilty about what happened at our work . ( She was the friend who was employed full - time when I lost half of my hours at work ) . We will see . She apparently has a lot of orders . But she is terrible at the business side of things , and doesn 't want to learn anything either . She is the type to say ' I don 't know anything about business ' and then when you try to tell her she will just not listen . You can see that in her head she is telling herself she doesn 't know , so she should not even try . It is extremely frustrating . In other news , my dogs killed a goanna the other day . It was the day my sister came over to stay . I did not have time to remove it from their kennel before I had to get her from the rtain station ( they like to find dead things and put them in their kennel - weird , weird dogs ) so when we got home she goes ' WHAT is THAT ! ? ' with a horrified expression on her face . Naughty , naughty , naughty boys . A possum and also a bird have , at different times , crawled into our yard after being attacked by a neighbours cat and passed away . With the possum , they sat next to it until I came home and then whined until I went downstairs to investigate . With the bird , well , Jed decided it was his new best friend and took it into his kennel , and rested his head next to it on his blanket . Would have been cute if it wasn 't a dead thing . . . Not sure about the goanna though . Perhaps it attacked them , or perhaps they were being territorial . They are Jack Russells ; it is their instinct . Either way , I feel really sad for the goanna , they really are beautiful to look at . ( If you don 't know what it is you should google it , they 're amazing creatures ) . I have not lost any weight that I wanted to , and in fact have put more weight on . I feel fat and bloated , and my clothes are tight . DH makes it harder because he is going through a junk food & chocolate phase . Keeps bringing home copious amounts of chocolate that he finds on sale . ARGH . It is infuriating . ( I am the type that will not eat it if it is not there . . . but if it IS there , well , that 's another story altogether . . . ) I just saw CreditCardFree 's post about the article ' 33 ways to reduce debt ' . Technically , I don 't call myself frugal . Not at all . I 'd say we 're conservative , at best . It leads me to thinking , what exactly is frugal ? While one person can say someone who does the following 33 things are frugal , another ( like me ) may say that it 's not , or that it 's just common sense , or whatever . I guess it 's the same as what we view as a want and a need : it 's subjective really . My auto insurance was the cheapest I could find this year . When it expires , I 'll search around again . Our life insurance and home & contents insurance is one of the cheaper ones combined with a 15 % multiple - policy discount which makes it the cheapest I can find , also . ( It should be noted that you always need to consider your location and risk in association with insurance - no point having it if it 's never going to help you , you may as well have no insurance at all ) . Never had cable in my LIFE , and until recently the Australian free - to - air television stations consisted of exactly 5 channels . Now we have about 14 . I hear people in other countries have more free - to - air channels than us . . . why on EARTH would you pay ? Sheesh . We don 't eat cereal , full stop . I work at a bakery so bread is free , this is what we eat for breakfast . 21 . Call the utility companies and get on a budget plan to give you more consistency with expenses each month . 26 . Does your family live nearby ? Once a week dinners with mom or dad saved us a meal out of our shopping budget . Additionally , it usually led to leftovers and our parents looked forward to our visit each week . I was looking over my next semesters course and realised I don 't have the right version of MYOB for it on my computer . SIGH . And here I was thinking I 'd saved some money ! Freaking out about how I 'd have to shell out a chunk more money for a new textbook for just the cd that comes with it ( i bought the textbooks second - hand from a fellow uni student ) , I quickly googled ' student version of MYOB ' and lo and behold , they do offer one . I was initially excited because it was $ 15 , which means I 'm still saving money , BUT they charge $ 15 freight . FOR A CD . WHAT ? ! Ugh . Anyway , so after all that , I paid 60c less than buying them new . Bah . I suppose on the bright side , I 'm helping the environment a little bit , instead of contributing to more waste . . . ? I 've been thinking off and on about doing once - a - week or once - a - fortnight cooking . SIL just started doing it . ( Ok , well she has done it once . . . ) Usually I will make a double batch of a sauce , or mexican beans , and put some in the freezer . But I like the idea of buying all the vegetables fresh , making a whole heap of dishes , freezing them , and then just having to make a salad or a side of vegetables each night . DH will most likely do it every night then I just don 't know what to do at this stage . I have done it before , and from memory , I made : Which doesn 't really seem like a lot . This time around I would probably make a curry of some sort , mexican beans ( I use these for nachos , burritos & just heated up with a bowl of rice ) . What else can you make that freezes well ? I 've never been that great at making stews . I have a slow cooker , but they never turn out well . If you have a recipe you 'd like to share . . . ? I was thinking minestrone soup . We make that a lot , and usually I just leave the pot in the fridge and we have it for dinner for maybe three nights . It wears out it 's welcome on the third night . Might actually be a good idea to freeze it haha . Any other soups ? Bakes ? Ideas ? Vegetarian dishes would be great , but DH does eat meat and if we fall pregnant I may reconsider eating meat for the duration , so meat dishes are appreciated too . . . Posted in Uncategorized I have some natural strawberry yoghurt that has hit its useby date . I don 't feel like eating it , and neither does DH . I don 't want to waste it - it 's nearly a full 1kg tub ! ! ! Does anyone have any recipes that uses yoghurt ? I am sure there 's a yoghurt muffin recipe or something . . . ? ? ? It will have to be a baked goods recipe . . . thanks in advance ! Oh well . I am happy to keep on keeping on . I am actually looking forward to the two subjects I am doing next , Financial Accounting , and Marketing . I picked up my second hand text book from a girl doing the same course as me , for my next subject , and have organised a second hand textbook for my other subject as well . In total , buying second hand this time , I have saved $ 105 ! Yippee . Anyway , in an effort to atleast make up SOME of the money lost , I have started doing internet surveys again , and am auctioning some items on eBay . I have about $ 100 to claim very soon on three survey websites , and am hoping to net a few bucks on eBay ( at least ) . Also I have around $ 100 in our paypal account from past sales to withdraw . So , that 's a start , atleast . Did you know eBay now allows you to list 30 items for free a month ? I think this is fantastic . I will definately be using this to my advantage , getting rid of the clutter etc . And if it doesn 't sell , relist it ! It 's free ! Already selling some unused , unopened makeup ( bought the wrong shade a couple times ) . I have some watchers already which is great . Healthwise , I 've decided to wean myself off sugar . Working as a cake decorator , you must be able to imagine this is a feat in itself . It is not that I eat cake all day ( you do begin to loathe the sight of it , actually ) - but , you do get into the habit of tasting a little bit of everything . In some cases , it is , believe it or not , quite neccesary . But other times , it is just a habit you fall into . So , unless it 's absoltely neccesary , I 'm cutting it out . I no longer have it in coffee , and will allow myself a dessert once a week . Shortly coffee will go too * cries * . Greek no fat yoghurt and honey is my new best friend Posted in Uncategorized Hello everyone . Yes I know , it 's been awhile . I did write an update entry last week but the site logged me out in the writing process and I lost everything . So here I am again ! Don 't get much free time these days , it seems . - My hours are due to be halved starting next week , although my boss assures me that it won 't be for a little while longer because ' he needs a break ' . Well , that 's nice . Glad I could be of service to you . - I recieved a letter that stated the above hour - cutting event , and was also informed that ' if my circumstances change and I am available for afternoon work , they will be able to give me more hours if they become available ' . Which basically means , ' I get the last say ' from my boss 's wife ( seeing as this whole thing started because I wasn 't available for afternoon work because of uni , when she wanted ) . I just feel like it 's all give and no take with these guys . Have never met someone so bitchy , so controlling , so up - her - own - @ $ $ and so unsupportive . - I got a call back about a job I applied for weeks ago . In truth , I can 't remember the actual job , I have applied for over 40 now , possibly 45 - 50 . It sounds great , 9 - 5 , monday - friday , full - time book - keeping & accounts job . Only thing it is in a suburb 35 - 40 minutes away . This was the first call , and she said she would call again in a few weeks to let me know where I was on the application process , and if I made it to the short - list ( apparently I made it atleast to the ' list ' ) . IF I do get a chance at getting it , I will obviously go for it . I worry about my car doing that much driving , especially to a new job . But I have no choice , really . And the actual job sounds great . I will have a lot on my plate ( part - time book - keeping job , full time job and part - time uni ) but I will just have to focus . - Uni is going great ! I have gotten 100 % and 79 . 5 % for two assessment pieces for one subject ( which equates to an A + and an A ) . This is for Information System Concepts ( basically - introduction course to IT & IT security , as well as advanced courses in Microsoft Access , Excel & Powerpoint ) . For my other course , Data Analysis , I got 92 . 5 % on my first assessment , and am waiting for the marks for my second , AND am about to start working on my third assessment , which I am quietly confident about . I felt lost re : this subject at the beginning , but it all seems to be clicking together now and I am confident I can pass it . ( I 'm probably asking too much to pass with a Credit or Distinction , but a girl can dream ! ) - I am super excited about my next subject , Financial Accounting . For the whole year I have been doing subjects that only partially , or don 't at all , relate to my degree , and have found myself yearning to do one like my first accounting subject . It has made me realise that although I wasn 't sure in the beginning , I think I 've found something that I want to , and am happy to do . In the beginning I felt as though I was starting a degree that I wasn 't certain about , and afraid of realising later down the track that it 's not something I liked , and wasting all that money . I guess this is testament to the fact that if you don 't know , sometimes it 's best to just try something out . - I know I have posted about taking a bit of a break over the summer semester this year , like a normal person does . But then I decided because I only did one subject when we got married , I would do one over summer . Then last week I thought to myself , oh , what the heck . I am now doing two : Marketing as well . I figured , I did well last semester . It 's a short one , but it means you really just have to get in there and do it . And it means I 'm two steps closer to finishing . By February , I will be 7 down , 17 to go ! There are more updates , but this is all I have time for at the moment ! Hope everyone is doing well . Posted in Uncategorized I 've come up with an idea , and to this point , although being on the wary side , no one has tried to talk me out of it . They 've pointed out pros and cons but ultimately been supportive of my ' idea ' and I 'm at that very scary stage of taking a leap and doing something about it . It 's something I haven 't just thought of - BUT , an actual opportunity has presented itself as of the past two weeks , and slowly the cogs have been turning in my head , crunching numbers , etc etc . I don 't know the figures yet . I need to look at their books . It might not even be worth it at all . I know the initial daily takings that I need in order to make things work . But I need to know the revenue and the rent . Everything else I already know from 7 + years of working in bakeries . My best friend has already said she 'd work for me . She 's accepted the full - time job with our boss but would leave in a heartbeat if I bought the place . Unfortunately her financial situation prevents her from forming a partnership with me ; but I think it may be for the best anyway . Partnerships between friends ? Hmmm . However , we have identical ideas on how we would run a place , and she would rather not ' own ' anything or have anything to do with managing a place , so this works for her . The issue with the place , the only thing , is the parking . Or rather , lack of . It is on the busy main street , which has carparks along it but no actual carpark . However , it is less than 100m away from a library , a police station , a firestation , the local welfare office , a telecommunication businesses main service centre , the local council , several banks , and of course , the other businesses along the main street . The only other bakery is at a shopping complex on the other side of town . The place is a little rundown and sad looking . My goal would be to have different breads that the supermarket and other bakery dont sell ( sourdoughs , exotic mixed grains , italian olive breads etc ) . I also have the advantage of knowing the only place that makes novelty shape cakes anywhere around here is . . . yep , you guessed it : my boss . Now wouldn 't that be a kick in the pants for him ? Considering , well , I 'm actually the one that makes most of them ANYWAY . But , there 's things I don 't know yet . I need to know their figures , and I need a business loan . The plant and equipment in the shop will most likely cover the security of the loan I 'll be asking for ( $ 145k - ish ) . So those two uncertain things are . . . uncertain . Business loans aren 't given out easily at the moment , but when I initially went in to ask questions , once they heard our plan ( my friend and I went in together ) they practically tied us down trying to get us to make an appointment . DH is excited and supportive . He will carry on with his flooring business ( which I will still do books for ) so that we don 't rely on just one income . After quitting a few weeks ago , my best friend offered to work for my boss last week , for a few nights ' as a favour to a friend ' . She decided she missed working there and tentatively talked about maybe getting her job back . They agreed . This week , my boss asks me what my plans are . I had no idea what he was talking about and told him so . He said to me " Awhile ago you said you were looking for another job and would be leaving soon . " I said to him " Actually a part - time job , and I committed to Jen ( his wife ) that I would be here until atleast May 2012 " . He said ' Oh . Well , we 're going to have to put on a full - time baker , as when we advertised for a casual 26 - hour a week job , we didn 't get many applications . If we advertise for a full - time baker we will get a better quality person apply for the job . Anyway , so you won 't have as many hours anymore . ' . I told him he has to do what he has to do , doesn 't he . I find it interesting that this all comes a few weeks after my disagreement with his wife . Also find it interesting that my friend had no idea , he had never mentioned this to her but had been given the impression she had her old job back , had even go so far as to turn down the offer from another place of employment . She decided to talk to him about it , as she was understandably scared that I had lost hours , and she didn 't have a job after all , and he said to her ' oh , well , do you want the job then ? ' Like it was an afterthought or something . Which puts her in a predicament , because if she takes it , she is taking my hours , technically . But if she doesn 't , it goes to someone else anyway . I told her to take it . I would rather have her get the job than someone else . All she has ever wanted in the four years I 've known her is a full - time job . She needs stability . I just feel so sad for her because it had to happen like this , where she is not even happy about it . She is completely overwhelmed with guilt . It doesn 't change our friendship , for me . It 's not her fault . I am just mainly mad at my boss and his wife . I think it 's horrible the way they 've gone around things . My friend even asked my boss directly , if this was because of my argument with his wife . He said no . ( As if they would admit something like that , I told her , I could use it against them in labour laws ) . Anyway . Totally , totally over it . I have no respect for them whatsoever , anymore . I feel like I have wasted 5 years of my life . I 've worked for a crappy wage , and worked my butt off . In return I 've gotten nothing . No qualification , no understanding , not even decent treatment , and at the end of it they decide to get rid of my by drastically cutting my hours , forcing me to quit so it doesn 't make them look bad for firing me . Though I know on one part it 's a business decision ( they are paying my friend $ 70 extra to work 12 more hours a week , but she also gets 4 weeks of holidays a year and security that they can 't just fire her at the drop of a hat ) , atleast a tiny portion of it is to do with the fact that I told her she treats people horribly . Even my boss has said that to me , and that her friends are too scared to tell her ! And now that I am actually the one to speak up and say ' This isn 't right ' , I get this ! I suppose for that part it is my fault . Maybe I should just take her bad treatment and say nothing . Should I have to put up with that ? Apparently so . Anyway . No luck so far on the job hunt but I 'm still looking . Not sure exactly what I 'll do when my hours do get cut if I can 't find something by then . Could be anywhere between $ 140 and $ 280 a week . I just feel like curling into a ball on our lounge and crying . Posted in Uncategorized It 's time for an update before I get cracking on the final pages of my assignments ( due Monday and Wednesday ) . I have officially passed the halfway mark for these two subjects ! I am aiming for a pass - that is my goal at this stage . They are both difficult and require a LOT of reading and understanding of the subject matter . Of course , the Accounting subjects do too I suppose , but I don 't generally need to work hard to wrap my head around the subject matter in those subjects - I just ' get it ' more or less . Speaking of not getting my hopes up , I didn 't get that job . Sigh . Figures ! Oh well , I will keep looking , applying , hoping . In the meantime , my co - workers keep telling me my boss and his wife are asking THEM what MY plans are . It would be all fine and dandy if they actually asked ME . I find it all a little bit amusing , actually . I did have a conversation in May this year where I told the boss 's wife I planned to be here for a further twelve months at the minimum . My boss and his wife don 't communicate very well with each other , and so apparently , according to my co - workers , my boss believes this conversation was had this time last year - hence he is worried I 'm finding a new job now and leaving . LOL . ( I mean - I AM looking , but I do on some level expect that I probably won 't find anything in the current economic climate , so I am prepared to work here until I leave to have a baby - which is May - ish next year . . . ) . I have decided I 'm not broaching the subject at all , it is their responsibility as employers to go to the source of the information in a time like this and not prance around like a child in the school yard and rely on rumours and second - hand information . If they want to know what my plans are , why not ask me ? Are they afriad of me ? Am I the only one that will talk straight with them and not attempt to kiss their ass ? In other news , DH and I had our pre - conception check ups . I have low iron , ( meant to be between 30 and 126 and mine was shown as 11 - however I 'm a little skeptical it 's exactly THAT low because the test was taken at the end of the day where iron is typically lower ) . However , I have been pretty tired lately ( put it down to studying though ) . The weirdest thing is that in four years of not eating meat , I suddenly have been looking at DH 's dinners and thinking ti myself , that actually looks good , I could eat that if I wanted to . I have never been like that , even when I did eat meat , I never EVER felt like eating it or craved it . Hmm , must have been my body telling me something ! So we have put off the TTC plans for a month while I take an intense ( doctor - prescribed ) course of iron - tablets for a month . Complete with vitamin C and lots of fibre , LOL ! I also have to do some thinking on my choice of diet while pregnant . I have never been a very strict vegetarian ( rather . . . pescatarian ) - it has always been a choice I have made for my health above all others . I totally get the ethical reasons for vegetarianism but I think that my unwillingness to give two hoots about what others think about me and my choices is why it 's never bothered me if I take the meat out of a curry and give it to DH , or cook tofu & steak on the same pan . I know it 's not being a true ' non - meat eater ' but I 'm ok with that - I don 't do this for the outward appearance to others or to live ' the lifestyle ' , I do it because I feel much better when I don 't eat meat . In saying that , I 'm all for people who do live an extreme vegetarian lifestyle , my dad is one of them , after all . It 's just not me . I like to have the freedom to make choices . So , after all that , what I 'm getting at is , I made a decision long ago that if , while pregnant , I felt like eating meat , I would . ( we live near an organic butchery who farm locally , so that 'd probably be the only meat I 'd eat , if I did ) . I 'm not going to go and eat it just because it 's there , because that 's never been the way I am . But if I feel like I need to eat it then I probably do need to eat it . In saying that , it 's possible with iron supplements I won 't feel like it at all . We will see . I also have to have vaccination boosters , which I 'm organising next week . If it weren 't for the low iron , we 'd have probably not bothered with the vaccines . So I guess all in all , it 's probably a good thing . In other news , I noticed that fruit & veg at our local organic supermarket is CHEAPER than at the regular supermarkets I applied for a job today that I 'm a little excited about . I am really trying to not get my hopes up - having applied for a lot of jobs already ( at last count , 33 . . . ) with absolutely ZERO interviews . But , it can 't hurt to hope , right ? ? ? Anyway . Im posting about it because I don 't want to tell anyone in real life ( other than DH ) , because there 's probably only a 0 . 0001 % chance I 'll get a shot at it . It 's a full - time , entry level ( read : teller ) job at a bank branch IN MY TOWN . Now the best part : a close friend whom I use as a personal reference works at a higher up position at this bank , in the city . I use him on my resume . ( & he will call me if he ever gets calls from what could be a potential employer ) . He went to school with DH , and has tried to get me to apply for jobs at his bank before ( when I was happy at my job . . . ) . Could this be my lucky break ? Do I dare to dream ? Keep me in your thoughts over the next week or so . . . Please ! Posted in Uncategorized Whew ! What a day ! The garage sale is over . We were up and selling very early , first customer arrived at 6am and continued on until roughly midday . We made just over $ 440 in total . The guy who bought the tires owe us $ 60 ( paid a $ 20 dep ) , and a single mum with kids owes $ 90 for a tv cabinet . She paid $ 10 deposit and is also paying us $ 15 if we can deliver it to her house on Wednesday when she gets more money . I made cupcakes to sell as well ( sold about 12 for $ 2 ea ) and she has asked me to make 10 more on Wednesday . . . And wants to order some for a birthday as well , later on . Yay ! I am only charging her $ 1 . 50 each for the bulk orders . I have to find out how much I can buy the ingredients for from my boss . I don 't make a lot on them ( they are not cheap ingredients . . . Cream cheese , strawberries etc ) but anything is good really ! ) After the garage sale we did our weekly grocery shop and had Mexican for dinner from a new place in town . Naughty having takeaway two nights in a row . . . Especially after just doing the shopping ! But . . . So tired ! Posted in Uncategorized it is the night before our garage sale and we have already made $ 117 from it ! An older guy ( I 'm assuming hes a collector , one of those that arrive really early to get the good stuff and then resell it elsewhere ) asked if he could take a look today as he wouldn 't be here on Saturday . We said that was fine . By the time he arrived we had most things already priced . He haggled a little which was fine and in the end he bought an old hat stand for $ 15 , a golf club set for $ 10 , a frame for $ 2 and a set of Tyres from my old car for $ 80 . : - ) Posted in Uncategorized I booked an ad in the newspaper today . Hopefully it doesn 't work against us , but I booked it with a state wide newspaper rather than the local one . Our local wanted $ 55 for one day , $ 75 for two day ad , whereas the statewide papers ' ad was $ 18 . 54 ! I know a few people who read the statewide ad so I 'm figuring people DO read it in our area , and the woman taking the details said she does list ads regularly for garage sales in our area . I just can 't justify paying that much for 8 lines of text ( funnily enough , we got 10 lines in the statewide one . . . ! ) Hopefully we sell some stuff . DH is even letting go of MORE bigger items too , which is extremely exciting . A few tables , like I mentioned in a previous post , plus a snowboard & associated gear , an electric stainless steel oven ( my boss actually gave it to me - hoping to get $ 100 for it , but would be happy with $ 50 or $ 40 if someone offers ) . I 'm going to go through my baking - ware drawer too . I have so much stuff I have been given that I don 't use . Who needs seven muffin trays ? ? ? I have books to sell too , and clothes . Any tips from fellow SA ' ers who have held garage sales ? It 's been so long since I was involved in one , and even then I was very young . Posted in Uncategorized Another week , and another weekend , gone so fast . I can 't believe it 's a week into August already . DH and I had a nice weekend . We went to a local market to check out what they had and whether we 'd be able to have a stall there . So far it seems no one else is selling what we want to , which is a good sign . Due to studying , I 've changed our ' grocery shopping day ' to Saturday , and now DH comes with me and helps . It 's quicker this way , and we get to spend the morning together . Then we go home , I settle into my uni work and DH unpacks and does whatever he wants / needs to ( lately , usually car stuff ) . DH has been cooking more lately too . We just bought a wok . I know it 's something most people have but I 've never gotten around to buying one in all the years we 've lived by ourselves . Someone usually has one . Anyway , long story short , found the cheapest possible one for $ 19 and DH is trying it out tonight and making sweet and sour tofu stirfry with egg noodles . No word on the job front . My current job is annoying as usual . I get to work with my boss 's wife tomorrow , which will be interesting , as I haven 't really said more than two words to her since the incident involving my little sister . Looks like we might definately have the garage sale this weekend , if the weather seems like it might be good . Exciting ! DH has already made some signs up . The only thing we have to do is put an ad in the paper . I finished my Law subject last week and had the final exam . I think I actually did well . I hope I am not being overconfident with this one , as last time I thought I did terribly and recieved a Credit for one , and a Distinction for another . Still am not sure how I managed that . I enrolled in my next two subjects , starting 20th July . They are : Data Analysis & Business Information Concepts . Data Anaylis , ick . But , I am kind of looking forward to the BIC subject . I think it may help me get a job , more so than now anyway . I have to shell out around $ 350 for textbooks and supplies in the next few weeks . Better start looking for things to sell on Ebay ! ! ! Unfortunately I have already looked , and there is no way I can buy these used or second hand , as they come with computer programs I need . To buy the programs separately , it is nearly the same price ! Pfft . What a rip . I heard back from three out of the four jobs I applied for a month or two ago . Didn 't even get an interview for any of them . The one I haven 't heard from , well , I 'm assuming they just aren 't letting people know they were unsuccesful . I applied for two more the other day . Already heard back about one ( no interview ) and still waiting on another . * Sigh * . There are SO many people looking for jobs . Oh well . Atleast I am in the position of actually HAVING a job as I am looking for one . That is a luxury I am sure not many job - seekers out there have at the moment . I heard that a woman who advertised for a receptionist , recieved 410 applications . Just for a little office in town . So , that gives me some idea of what I 'm competing against ! As I mentioned in my previous post , we had a lot of help with our wedding party . Mainly family but also a few friends contributed too . They were happy to , but I also wanted to get a few thankyou gifts . One couple are notoriously hard to buy for as they have everything they could possibly ever want . For that reason , I was thinking of going with a nice bag of freshly ground organic coffee . For others I was going to go along the lines of chocolate , more coffee and for a few who are mothers , a natural bath soak concoction . I am running out of ideas though , and DH is never the one to ask about these things , he just shrugs his shoulders and says he doesn 't know . Any ideas ? ? Posted in Uncategorized Our ' Wedding Party ' is over , done and dusted ! It turned out to be a very fabulous night and 70 - ish guests all said they enjoyed themselves greatly . My dad , stepmum and little sister boarded their plane back to Victoria today and now I 'm sitting at home by myself , waiting for DH to get home so we can make dinner . It rained during the night but was misty and grey for the photogrpahs . I can 't wait to see them , I think they are going to look amazing . It suits DH and I as we love that grey , rainy , wintery weather , so we are SOOO pleased that the day was like that , and the backdrop to our outside photographs will have gorgeous mountain ranges with misty air ! and recieved $ 2000 in cash & $ 100 in GC 's . I 'm depositing it in the bank tomorrow . Of course money isn 't the reason we decided to throw a party - but money WAS the reason we decided to have a party INSTEAD of a fully blown wedding , so in a way I am really relieved at the outcome . We do have the money to cover the costs ( otherwise , we would not have organised it ! ) but it is nice to know that money can now be absorbed and / or go into savings . June will mark the start of a ruthless savings plan ! We need two new cars and want to start organising some failry major renovations to our house , so it means hard work & not much play . Or at least , cheap play ! My exam is June 16th , I have a lot of study to do over the next three and a half weeks ! Then a bit of a break before I am back into it again . Eeep . Would love to have the summer semester off , but I think I will do an extra subject over the break to make myself feel better for only doing one this semester . From my dads side for our wedding present , we were given a Stephanie Alexander gardening / cookbook which is about 2000 pages of gardening tips and instructions , and recipes for once the produce has been grown , and is * amazing * , as well a piece of artwork my late grandfather completed in 1951 , a sketch of the Irish countryside he made when he was travelling with my late grandmother . It is something that not only has huge financial value but is most importantly a piece of my grandfather that I will never let go and treasure for our lives . I think DH also feels as though this was a huge welcome to the family gesture . We are going to get it framed shortly . In other news , I have discovered some paypal / credit card fraud . Only around $ 120 worth , in five small payments ( so weird ! ) , but it makes me feel uneasy . I have deleted my details from paypal , which will be a pain in the future but makes me feel better . I have changed all passwords and security details for paypal , emails and banks . Argh . Posted in Uncategorized I don 't think I could have enjoyed working at my current place any less , but it has happened . I now officially * hate * my workplace . Wow . What a week ! First of all , I went into work with my friend ( who also works there ) so that she could drop something off , on a day when I was not working ( it was a public holiday , I am too expensive to pay to work on those days , so I don 't get any hours , and no pay either ) . My boss & his wife were there . While I was standing there , minding my own business , boss 's wife came up to me and starting raving on about two plastic plates that were in a drawer out the front of the shop . Apparently , she had put them out the back , and they had been moved back out the front . She requested that I please inform all the staff members that if she finds them , or any other ' useless crap ' out there , that she will throw it out . Why * I * am required to do this is beyond me , and to be talking to me on my day off ? Uh , I don 't get paid enough to deal with that kind of BS . ( excuse me ) . So then on Friday I have to call her to tell her my little sister could not work her shift the next day . At the time , I am giving her 24 hours notice exactly . My sister by this time , has been in hospital for two days . I do not want to discuss why , but she nearly died . So yes , I am not in the mood for anyone else 's problems . My sister is 15 and works a 5 hour shift . She 's a casual junior and has NO obligation to her employers for ANYTHING , technically speaking . She does not get holiday or sick pay etc , so does not have to divulge why she cannot work on certain days , etc . So I call this woman to tell her my sister cannot work tomorrow . ' Why ? ! ' She says . ' I can 't discuss that with you . ' I say . ' Well ! I need to know why ! ' She says again . Again , I tell her I can 't discuss it with her . ' Well , I 'm GOING to need to KNOW WHY , this has really put ME in a lurch , you know . You are giving me NO notice . . . ' she raves on . ' She 's in hospital . If you want to call to make sure , that 's fine . ' I tell her . All of a sudden , she starts yelling at me . ' You don 't have to get SHIRTY with me , you know , she could want to go to a PARTY or something . That 's all you needed to say , that she was in hospital . ' ( seriously ? wtf ? My sister has NEVER taken time off to go to a party , never been late , never been hungover on the job or ill - fit to work for any reason . She has actually never even had a day off ) . I tell her that I did not want to , or need to , tell her or discuss it with her , that it was personal information and she did not require that knowledge . She carried on shouting for a moment , then says that 's fine . She will work something out , somehow . ( Like I care ? NOT my problem ? ! ) She then has the gall to ask if I 'm ok ! By this stage , I have nearly hung up on her twice . I 'm ready to throw my phone , or scream , or resign . I am nearly crying . I tell her I am quite fine , and terminate the conversation . ' Hi Whitestripe . Feel bad about our conversation yesterday . Let me know if ( my sister ) needs any more time off or if there is anything I can do to help . I am with my friend / colleague at the time , and she reads it too . We are both gobsmacked at the fact that this is clearly meant to be some kind of apology , with the absence of anything that resembles ' I 'm sorry ' . It does not even say * I * feel bad . It just says ' feel bad ' . My sister quit yesterday ( Partly due to the fact she will not be able to work for a few weeks , but also partly because my boss 's wife scares her , and she hates working there ) . Can 't say I blame her ! I feel as though she will call me at some stage . I did not reply to her text message . On one hand , I know I should be careful of what I say . I do need a job to pay the bills . I suppose we would be alight for a few months if I were to get fired , but I don 't want that . On the other hand , I feel as though I should say * something * . I do not believe the way she spoke to me was acceptable . I am not a student at school . She is not my mother . I am sure somewhere it states that it is not technically legal to talk to someone like that ? Surely ? She spoke to me as though I was a child that needed discipline . I just don 't really get how someone can think it is appropriate behaviour . She seems to think she is the greatest person on Earth , because she owns a bakery . Sigh . Anyway , that is the end of my rant . In other news , I have heard back from two places - did not get an interview for both . But am still waiting to hear back from two more . I would be happy with working for either , so keep fingers crossed for me . I fear I may just explode in a fiery ball of rage very soon at work . It is just almost too much to take sometimes . I mean , who YELLS at someone after they tell them their sister is in hospital ? It 's not like I said she was at Disneyland ! Urgh . - for those that were wondering , my sister is doing alright . Will be able to return to school next week . Scared the hell out of everyone . She is now living back with her mum too . Posted in Uncategorized I have been trying to sell some things on eBay lately . Have made a little money , but everytime I sell on there , something goes wrong . Why are my customers always the fussy ones that expect their parcel to have arrived last week ? Excuse me , it 's Easter ! You must be mad if you expect your item to arrive on time ! I bought a skirt which * hopefully * goes with the rest of the outfit I have planned for the wedding party . We just have to find something for DH now . Fingers crossed my items arrive in time . ( and that they FIT ! ) I have lost a little weight . Really , it is just losing weight that I had gained over the past few months . My teenage sister being around eating all the time means that somehow I will find myself eating when I probably shouldn 't be ! We have done a bit of de - cluttering lately . I seem to be in the mood for it . Sorted through all my clothes and got rid of about four shopping bags full . Have a few to sell on eBay , but DH will use the unsellable ( read : trashed ) clothes as rags . Also got rid of appliances that don 't work , a whole heap of junky craft items that I will never use , and an assortment of other stuff that basically was taking over my office space . Feels so good to get rid of clutter ! Our house is slowly forming into something that can be called ' adult family ' rather than ' bunch of twentysomething room - mates sharing a house ' . We have DH 's aunt & uncle staying with us for a weekend , end of April . This will definately spur us into more cleaning as well . DH has a lot to do . I know we 're married & have been together for 8 years , etc etc , but I still believe he should put away his own clothes & sort out his own paperwork ! NOT my job ! Alas , he will have to get a move on , because the spare room is covered in boxes of his paperwork and knick - knacks . Oh , and of course , job search ! Now that I am able to and have willing referees , I seem to be stalling myself . I don 't know why . I guess now there 's nothing holding me back except , well , ME . It 's my own fault if I can 't find another decent job , and my own fault if I don 't even try . * sigh * . And I 'm scared ! Working at the same place for 5 years makes you very comfortable . Time to step out of my comfort zone , I guess . . . Though , in preparation I * did * buy some nice interview / office - job shirts . So I guess that 's something . Bought one on sale for $ 10 and another with a gift card . Sheesh , looking at corporate - wear makes me realise what I miss out on . I love corporate wear , but I only have one day a week where I can wear it - and I don 't really even have to . I could wear my pajamas and my boss wouldn 't bat an eyelid . Sooo many cute shirts . . . ! Anyway . Won 't get ahead of myself . Don 't have a job yet to wear them to , let alone pay for the shirts , and will probably be provided with my own uniform . Sigh . We have been getting most of our RSVP 's for our wedding party . It looks like the ones we expected not to come , aren 't coming ( which is actually a relief because we invited too many ) . We also got our first contribution to our wishing well , from my aunt and uncle who cannot make it . They sent us a $ 100 check . Today I plan to buy some thankyou cards , and send them one today . Thankfully the stationery we used for the invitations have a matching thankyou card , so that will be easy . which I 'm hoping to find either a black / red 50 's style swing skirt to wear with , or a plain dress to go underneath . I already have shoes & jewellery so in the end it 's a lot cheaper to do it this way . All I really need other than a skirt is some stockings . My only issue is whether it gets here in time , as it is being shipped from the uk . : S My other option is to buy one from a store in the city . It is a LOT more expensive that way . DH is opting for a waistcoat instead of a traditional suit . I have worked out , if I do another 3 subjects this year I will have done 6 . If I can keep that up , I can achieve my degree in 4 years instead of 6 . I think it 's possible even with adding children into the equasion . We will see . I talked to my boss & his wife about job searching . I don 't have any past references any more , as the last two places closed down . So , I had to ask . They were rather shocked at the possibility of my leaving ( I did say I was looking for part - time work outside of my normal working hours - but if I was unable to find this , then my qualifications lay in office administration , so that would be where my search would end up if all else fails . They have brains , and realised office admin equals 9 - 5 work , which doesn 't suit what I 'm doing now without changes . ) Basically they told me they are thinking of letting go of another staff member ( one that I , and others , have had problems before with . she does not make it easy for herself , let 's put it that way ) . And that if they could get a commitment from me for 12 months , they would look into doing that , and giving myself and other staff members more hours . I of course , did NOT give my commitment . I did get permission to use them as a reference . They think it is for part - time work , but she also did mention , very early on in the conversation , before any talk of firing other staff , that she understands if I find something that fits in with my studies , career - wise . So , that is a load off my mind and gives me a bit more confidence in my resume . I have begun scoping the adverts already . The 50 's housewife themed babyshower was great . I went yesterday . I love it when there is a dress up theme for a party and everyone actually goes to the lengths to dress up for it ! I have been to a few babyshowers in my time and it was definately THE best I have been to . I can 't stand the really terrible games like eating baby - food blindfolded , etc . I get that these events have to have those types of things ( mostly ) but please ! No one wants pureed corn & pear on their dress ! ! ! DH and I are thinking of starting a family soon , and these things make me even more clucky . I have always wanted to have children , and being around people with kids , kids birthday parties , babyshowers , pregnant people , etc has always made me go ' awwh . . . one day ' . But now that it 's a decision we 've made for the very near future , it seems the cluckiness bubbles over sometimes ( and even DH said the same thing - nice to know it 's not just me . & I think that is a sign we are both ready for the next stage ! ) . Still annoys me when people ask the baby question though - none of your goddam business ! When I say I have these things organised , what I really mean is that people have come to us and offered their services / money etc . I had no part in sourcing any of this So when people look at all the things that are going into this party , it appears to be a lot . It is a lot more than I would have planned myself , but then again , I didn 't plan any of it . Unlike many other brides , I have taken a backseat in all of this . I don 't really mind what happens - it is after all , NOT a wedding . We are already married . It is just a party to celebrate it - a very , very post reception , I guess . Only things I have to organise now are table cloths & chair coverings ( Do I even need chaircoverings ? what a waste of money . . . ) and our clothes . No , I don 't have a dress . I like the idea of dressing up for events , but when the time comes , I can 't be bothered . DH loves dressing up for things . So , I am trying to put in the effort of finding something unique to us . I hope to wear the dress again . I have so far come up with these ( which I can wear again to conventions ) : Yesterday I applied online for a supermarket chain , check - out operator job . It was just a general application - I do not know if there are any positions available , but I pretty much put that I am available for any work ( full - time , part - time , casual ) . I can work out the kinks later , if I do happen to get a call . They are supposed to call if there is anything fitting in with what I 'm applying for . I guess I should probably start looking at office - ey type jobs too . I have had a break from those types of jobs since school ( save for my book - keeping job ) and I guess it might be time to change back . We 'll see . The hard part is . . . do I tell my current boss that I 'm looking ? Do I ask them to be referees ? ( The last two places I worked before this , five years ago , have gone out of business ) . I don 't think I would get fired straight away if they were to know I intend on leaving . . . but you never know . And what if I can 't find anything , then they 'll know I want to leave . Argh . How annoying . I hate job hunting . I 've never had to have this conversation before in the past . Each time I 've left a workplace , I 've had another job lined up , and had only been employed on a casual basis , with the knowledge that I wasn 't a hugely integral part of the business anyway ( that they could get by quite fine without me ) . Not that I don 't think my current place wouldn 't survive without me - it 's just that my boss flips out when anything happens regarding shortages of staff , such as someone being sick or two staff going on holidays at the same time . He freaks out and gets emotional , saying things like ' Oh my god , I don 't know how we 'll cope ' etc etc . I can just imagine it will be like that - and I feel like that should NOT be my problem , and I shouldn 't have to hear about it either . ( * if * I was a mean person , I would probably say something like ' well , I guess now you 'll have to hire a qualified person to do my job - looks like it 's going to cost you about $ 5 extra an hour . . . ' - but I 'm not , and I won 't . I don 't need to say it for them to have to tAnyway . Sorry about my rambling ! What are others experiences with leaving jobs / getting new jobs etc ? How have things gone when you 've told a long - term boss that you 're leaving ? What did you say ? What did they say ?
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We anchored off of Naples , Italy on a Thursday . Liberty was given to mostly officers , and higher ranking non commissioned officers , but that was okay , I was still a lowly E - 3 ( Seaman Apprentice ) so even if it weren 't for the fact that I had fire watch , I still wouldn 't have been allowed liberty . Friday though , was a different story . We were released at 4Pm , port hours , and by six o ' clock , we were walking towards the bars . We being Torok , Glen , Shorty , Neil , Cannonball , and two new members of S - 3 division who showed up about a week before we pulled out , a young man by the name of Sanoki , and a young man who requested we call him , Taco . ( No kidding , when I first introduced myself to him , he asked me to call him that . ) I know , it sounds a bit racist as he was a Mexican American but hey , that 's what he wanted . Apparently , that was what they called him in high school . Since Shorty and Cannonball had been to Naples before , they led us newbies right to their favorite night club . It wasn 't very crowded at first , just us and another table of about 4 or 5 guys . The good news was , we were celebrating my birthday that evening . They were buying me drinks for the next few hours . Torok was hitting on the waitress , but she was ignoring him . . . and looking at me . I was looking back . Torok was a little more aggressive and forward with his advances , that must have turned her off . I was more laid back , and being more respectful . I owe that to my debacle that first night I met Lorraine and gave her the ' your place or mine ' line . Yeah , we all know how that turned out . It was right around 9PM when the waitress showed up to give us our latest beer order . She handed them out , holding back with mine as it stood on her tray . She leaned over to me and whispered in my ear . " My shift is over , you can take this beer or you can take me out for a late dinner . " While this was a bit unexpected , it wasn 't a total shock . We did eye ball each other ever since me and the boys entered the place . Not to mention , after my Fort Lauderdale experience , I was getting pretty used to this kind of thing . It may have also helped that everyone was buying me drinks , wishing me happy birthday , and telling stories about my Florida adventures . I think the guys really helped me out by showing me the attention and love . She knew it was my birthday because she bought me my first beer . ( On the house ) I stood up and announced my leave . The guys knew what was going on . They all held that ' here we go again ' look in their eyes . I took the beer she brought me and handed it to Shorty . " I 'll catch up with you guys on the ship . " She and I left the bar arm in arm and started heading down the street towards a restaurant . We introduced ourselves . Her name was Irene . She was about 5 - 9 , 5 - 10 , long black hair , and 20 years old . She had a sister , of which I can 't remember her name . Her sister had medium length blond hair and was standing outside with another sailor , at the restaurant she led me too . He , like me , was dressed in his dress whites , which was required for all non petty officer personnel on the first night of a foreign port . I can 't recall his name either . The four of us sat down and had a meal . We each took turns talking a little about ourselves more or less and we were done by about 10 or 10 : 30 , after which the four of us took a walk on the streets . We ended up standing in front of a hotel about thirty minutes later . The other guy and I bought a couple of rooms for the night , however , he showed some concern regarding our liberty status . You see , for the first night in a foreign port , all non petty officers had a midnight curfew . We had to be back at the liberty boats by midnight . Petty officers had to be back by 1AM , and everyone else had to be back by 2AM , unless you had an overnight chit that allowed you to stay out later . He nor I had such a chit . I more or less disregarded the curfew . Irene and I went to our room while the guy and her sister took a room across from ours . Irene and I started to drink some wine I had purchased on our walk to the hotel and unfortunately , I had spilled on the pants leg of my dress whites . I didn 't care . We romanced ourselves with quiet conversation , slow dancing to the radio and some wet kisses . By midnight , we were both seduced into a frenzy . Three hours later , she was worn out and fell asleep . I got up and got dressed , with intentions on heading to the liberty boats . I knew I missed my curfew , but figured I would deal with it and take whatever punishment as it was my own fault . I gave Irene a gentle kiss on the cheek then exited the room . I gently knocked on the door where her sister and the other guy were but no one answered . I wanted to make sure he got to the liberty boats so I tried the door knob and it opened . It was dark , with the exception of the street lights from the open curtains and window . I could see Irene 's sister laying on the bed , on top of the blankets , and completely nude . I sat down and gently woke her . " Where 's the guy ? He leave already ? " I couldn 't almost believe it . What a whimp , I thought . I was about to get up and leave when she reached out and touched my arm . " You going to leave me here like this too ? " What was I going to do ? Even in the darkness , I could see the longing on her face . I brushed her hair back slightly and leaned down to kiss her . " I 'll stay a while with you . " I whispered . It was 6 : 30 AM when I finally made it to the liberty boats . They stopped running at 3AM and the next one wasn 't heading back to the ship until 7AM . As I approached the gate , an officer in charge walked up to me . He studied me up and down , all the while , shaking his head . : Look at you , sailor . Aren 't you a sight to behold . " I saluted . Then realized that my hat was crooked . My whole outfit was wrinkled and distorted and trust me , that wine stain on my pants leg didn 't help matters either . " Yes Sir . " I blurted . This was when I discovered the reputation S - 3 division had amongst the ship . We were a division of loose cannons . Hell , our division officer , Mr . Booty , a Japanese American , was about the same age as I was . Around 22 or 23 . No iron fist from any of our division leaders . " Have a seat over there . " he pointed . " The next liberty boat runs in thirty minutes . And for Christ 's sake , straighten yourself up . I 'll call your sales office to verify your overnight chit . " Man , I was so screwed . I could feel it . I started thinking it was brig time for me . I did try to straighten myself up , but I doubt it mattered any . I soon laid down on a bench . By the time I boarded the ship , my chief petty officer , Gonzalez , was waiting for me . After the Master at Arms , ( MAA ) gave me a frisk down , I walked up to him . He had a disappointed look on his face and at the same time , a concerned one . I followed him to the sales office and he quickly closed the door behind me . We were alone and he pointed at a chair for me to sit in . He grabbed one himself and placed it front of me and sat down . He was very sincere . " Okay , please tell me what happened ? Did you get mugged or something ? " I struggled slightly in my reply . I didn 't know how to break it to him . It did occur to me to maybe lie to him , but that wasn 't my style . I did wrong , it was my fault , I broke the rules , I had to man up . " Look Chief , it 's like this , you see , I met this girl and . . . . . " He immediately got to his feet and began waving his arms all about above his head . " No more , no more , no need to know . You go now . " I breathed a sigh of relief . I shrugged my shoulders and got up and left . I couldn 't believe it , he covered for me . But why did I feel so bad about it ? I always felt that the division officers kind of liked me . From Chief Gonzalez , Mr . Booty , to Sr . Chief Berry and Master Chief Johnson . I had a good rapport with them all . I made it to my berthing area and again , more stories for the rest of guys to yack about in the future . Meanwhile , a couple hours later , Burke approached me . " The Chief informed me that he revoked your liberty status for the rest of our stay . " And there it is ! I thought to myself . However , Burke wasn 't finished . " But , I informed him about our softball game today and he 's going to forget the whole incident provided you give me your word you won 't miss anymore curfews . I 'm responsible for you for the next 2 weeks . If you get into anymore trouble , my butt is in trouble too . " We arrived to the ball field just as another game was wrapping up . We sized up our opponents . " They look pretty good . " Burke mentioned . I silently agreed but said , " Eh , it 's just for fun , right ? " " Spoken like a real loser . " A voice from behind uttered , getting mine and Burke 's attention . " How you doing , Burke ? " The man continued , shaking hand 's with him . It was obvious the two knew each other . He turned to me and offered his hand . " Master Chief Anderson . " I quickly intervened . " How so ? " I asked him , always on the lookout to make a few extra bucks , that or make a fool of myself . Either way . I shook it off . " Our guys can 't afford that . " I told him , then coming up with an alternative . " How about a straight hundred dollars ? You and me ? " Anderson grinned . " Make it 200 and you 're on sailor . " And with that , we sealed the bet with a handshake . As he walked away like the cat that swallowed the canary , Burke sighed heavily while standing next to me . " You don 't have a whole lot of restraint , do you ? " Game on ! And what a game it was . Surprisingly , the bleachers were full . Some of them filled by some hotties . One in particular caught my eye around the third inning . She was sitting with two other girls on the other teams side of the dugout . It was a good thing I was a lefty , I got to glance at her every time I went up to bat . Lucky me , she was looking back . . . . and smiling ! Before I knew it , it was our last turn at bat . We were trailing 13 - 3 . We made a late run , putting up five runs in the top of the ninth . It wasn 't enough . We lost 13 - 8 . But we gave them a run for it . During the game , Burke was cooking up the food on a grill . Afterwards , Anderson came to collect , smiling the entire time . " You got some hustle in you , Carroll , I 'll give you credit for that . " I dug out his winnings . " Maybe next time , sir . Hey , " I invited , " you and your team are welcome to join us for the cook out and beer if you 're hungry . " " Thanks , " he said , " I think we will join you . " He waved to his team to join us as we started to make our way . " You never did give me your rank . " " Transferred over from the Army Reserves and reported to my Naval command three months before our tour . " I quickly explained . He stopped and once again , extended his hand . " I would have thought you were a 2nd class petty officer . Nice to have met you SA Carroll Bryant . " And just like that , I made a new friend . And just in time too , that girl I was checking out ? She showed up , approaching from behind . " Good game there , sport . " " We 're you cheering for my team ? " I got right down to it . She giggled and took a quick peek at her friends . " No . I was rooting for the other team . Sorry . " " Well , at least you were rooting for someone . " I said . " You girls hungry ? We have steak and beer . You 're welcomed to join us . " Sevina and I got to know each other a little better , but not quite as much as I should have gotten to know her . She was 19 years old . She was born in Italy , however , while her mother was from Italy , her father was American . That 's all I got out of her that day . Oh , and her phone number and address . Eventually , Burke pulled me away . " Come on hotshot , we have to get back to the ship . I 'm still responsible for you . " I said my goodbye 's to Sevina , with a promise to call her , which I did the next morning . I got all dressed up in my civilian clothing and she met me at the liberty boat docks . She took me out shopping for Italian fashion , and we had lunch . She took me on a tour of Italy , and we had a pretty good time . One day during the week , I signed her in to take a tour of the ship . She never been on a carrier before . I was the envy of all the guys . I have to admit , I envied myself . ( Haha ) Even though she and I had even yet to kiss , I wasn 't going to tell the guys that . I just allowed their imaginations to roam . ( Or Rome ? ) Ha ! I made a funny . Did you catch that one ? Before leaving the ship , she invited me to spend the weekend with her at her Uncle 's house on Capri , Island . It sounded good to me . " Great . " She smiled . " I 'll meet you Friday at five o ' clock on the liberty docks . " " It 's a date . " I finalized . We parted with a gentle hug . I was beginning to love Italy . Oh , who am I kidding ? . . . I was loving Italy ! And that cute little long black haired girl who was as lovely as the country itself . And believe me , Italy is amazing . A very beautiful country to visit . I recommend it highly to everyone who wishes to visit beautiful places . Posted by " There are two kinds of people in this world , " My grandfather told me . " Elvis fans and Beatles fans . And nothing in between . " I was an El . . . Ever since I saw the movie , " Above The Law " I was hooked forever as a Steven Seagal fan . ( And yes , it is spelled Seagal , not Segal . ) I owe . . . My first " romantic " kiss occurred in the early Spring of my last year of high school . Her name was Annette . Everybody called her Annie . I ca . . . The epitome of cool . I even wrote a song called " In The Style Of James Dean " . He made being a loner enticing . Now we look upon a loner perso . . .
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I flew on United Airlines on June 8 , 2012 from Las Vegas to Los Angeles and then on to Chicago 's O ' Hare airport . Needless to say it was the trip that would make anyone scream ! ! ! The letter below is to the CEO of United Airlines Jeff Smisek . I have mailed this letter to him and I will let you know what his response is . I am a very frustrated customer . I am currently sitting in the Los Angeles airport waiting for the next flight to Chicago because I missed my connection due to no fault of my own . I have started this letter in Los Angeles at LAX airport and will finish it at home in Chicago . Here is my story . I was booked on United 968 from Las Vegas to Chicago at 11 : 35PM . My reservation number is MY7XMZ . I was in Las Vegas on business and I finished very early , so I decided to catch an earlier flight home so I could sleep in my own bed instead of sleeping on the plane . So I used the United app on my iPhone and I paid $ 75 to change my current later flight 968 to flight 197 at 4 : 10PM to LAX connecting to flight 704 at 6 : 01PM in LA to Chicago . This would get me home just before midnight and I could have a good nights sleep in my own bed . This is where the nightmare begins . I arrive at the Las Vegas Airport at 2PM . This is plenty of time to get through security and get to the gate area . I arrived at the gate area at about 2 : 25PM and I sat down in the gate area to wait for the flight . At 3 : 30PM I noticed that the aircraft had not arrived , so I started to become concerned . The aircraft arrived about 10 minutes later and we began to board at 4PM . I walked up the gate agent and said to her , " I have a VERY tight connection , do you think I should get on the Plane ? " She looked up the connecting flight and told me , Oh , you will make it . I asked if my connecting flight was in the same terminal as my arriving flight from Las Vegas . She said , " Yes it is , don 't worry you will make it ! " So I proceeded to board . I entered the aircraft and I told the flight attendant that I had a VERY , VERY TIGHT CONNECTION , and asked if she could help me out getting off the plane when we landed ? She said to me , and I quote " Oh it doesn 't work that way , when we land everybody stands up in the Aisle . " That was not what I expected to hear , in fact I was taken back by her statement . What happened to a little customer service ? All I wanted was to be able to be the first one off the plane so I could maybe have a chance , slim as it was , of making my connection . I was taken back by the flight attendant , I said to here " OK " and I proceeded to find my seat in the rear of the aircraft . We sat at the gate . And sat , and sat and when it got to be 4 : 35PM and we were still at the gate I pushed the call button . A flight attendant came to my row and asked what the problem was . I told her that I had a very tight connection and now I know I will miss my flight . I asked if I could get off the plane and have an agent rebook me on another flight out of Las Vegas . The look I received from this flight attendant was that of " How dare you ask to get off the plane . " What the flight attendant proceeded to do was scold me for getting on the plane in the first place and that if I wanted to get off the plane that I would inconvenience this full airplane of people as they would have to match every bag to every passenger . Now I did not have any checked luggage . I had my small carry - on and my computer . So I was about to say forget it to the attendant when she says to me , I will just have to talk to the Captain and she walked to the front of the aircraft . It is now 4 : 40PM and we start to push back . The flight attend comes back to me after we have pushed back and stopped and announces to me . " The Captain has stopped the plane for you . " I looked at her and I said , " FORGET IT ! I AM NOT MAKING THIS PLANE GO BACK TO THE GATE . " I felt two feet tall after she scolded me . She went back up the front of the plane and we proceeded to taxi to the runway . The passengers around me consoled me and said , that was not very nice of that fight attendant to do that to you . We were in the air at about 5 : 05PM . The captain came over the speaker system and said our flight time was about 45 minutes . So I looked at my watch and figured that if I could get off the flight and run I could make the flight with about 2 minutes to spare . We landed and taxied to the gate area and stopped short of the gate waiting for an aircraft to clear the taxi way . So now I am really concerned . We get to the gate area and I can see that my connecting flight is still at the gate and they were loading the last of the bags . I say to myself , well that flight is not in the same terminal , it was in the next terminal and I don 't know if I could make a mad dash for the plane once I got off . Well , we stopped at the gate and everyone popped up and left me in the rear of the aircraft . Did the flight attendant say " We have a passenger that needs to make a tight connection , please let him out first . " NO , I stood in the Aisle for 14 minutes as everyone took their time to get off the plane . When I did eventually get off the plane , I looked out the terminal window across to the other terminal and saw the jetway was pulled away from the plane . I asked the gate agent to call over to Gate 83 . She did and told me the plane is ready to push back . I was furious ! I just paid $ 75 to miss my plane . And no one at United seemed to give a dam . The gate agent said , " Walk over to the customer service desk and get rebooked . " No , " I am really sorry you missed your connection . " Just go get your flight rebooked across the hallway . This is the worst customer service I have seen in a long time . And I watched you on the in flight TV screen saying " I wish I could greet each and everyone of you and personally shake your hand and thank you for flying United . " Well your company failed me big time . Here is what I would have done if I worked for United . I would have never let me board the plane in the first place and I would have rebooked me on another flight from Las Vegas or let me off the plane first and have one of the golf carts at LAX waiting for me to take me over to gate 83 and call over to flight 704 and tell them I was on the way . I guess what really upset me was that no one cared , no one gave a dam . The only one that had any sympathy for me was the really nice agent at the customer service desk that rebooked my flight . She was the only one that cared , but after what I went through , it was little consolation . I was rebooked on United Flight 1451 at 7 : 30PM . I returned to Gate 70 to wait for my new flight to Chicago . I boarded Flight 1451 at 705PM . I was thinking of telling the flight attendant on this new flight when I boarded , " Can You please be nice to me because the last crew didn 't treat me very well . " Well , that went out the window when I saw the flight attendant crew on this Chicago flight was the exact same crew that was on the Las Vegas - LA flight that treated me like dirt . I have to tell you that when I saw the same crew again , the anxiety I experienced on my first flight returned . So I decided to just go to my seat and avoid all contact with the flight attendants during this flight . Some people want to just complain and not tell you what they want you to do . Well , that 's not me . Here is what I want you to do . I want my $ 75 refunded to me by way of a credit to my credit card for $ 75 . I had not flown United in a while because I have been flying Southwest . Why do I fly Southwest ? Because they know how to treat their customers and they really do give a dam about all of there customers and the " Get It ! " I decided to try United again and thought that the merger with Continental would change the airline for the better as I have always liked flying Continental . Boy was I wrong ! You have a long road to travel before your service is back to just good . If you want to know what knock you socks off customer service is , look at Zappos . They also have it all right . They know how to treat their customers . I hope to hear from you soon . And I really hope that you , Mr . Smisek will read and respond to this letter . I hope that you do , it would prove to me that you really meant what you said in your pre - flight announcement . And you really care about everyone of your passengers . In closing , you have a lot of work to do to bring your airline back . Just remember , " It 's all about the CUSTOMER ! " If you give your customers great customer service then even when things go wrong , your customer will tell you that you went that extra mile for them to make it right ! And they will be your customers for life . Let 's see if you can make that happen . For your sake , I hope you can . Delta Airlines announced on August 25 , 2011 that it had ordered 100 Boeing 737 - 900ER aircraft from Chicago Based Boeing Corporation . These aircraft will be for delivery between 2013 and 2018 . These aircraft will replace older planes in the Delta fleet . Just when you think the airlines can 't think of anything else to charge you for AA finds a new twist ! Yes that 's right , AA introduced a new " Preferred Seats " charge . So if you want a window or aisle seat toward the front of the economy section you are going to have to anti up more cash . It 's now not good enough that you paid $ 300 for the air ticket , now they want you to pay a fee to sit down ! These " Preferred Seats " will begin at $ 4 per flight segment and will vary based on length of flight and time of day . So if you take a prime time flight from let 's say Chicago to Los Angeles , you could pay $ 15 or more for a window or aisle seat . Talk about a rip off ! I don 't understand what these airlines are thinking . They are nickeling the public to death . I don 't know where it will stop . The next charge will be $ 25 to get off the airplane and $ 10 if you want to stand the entire way . Keep up the good work American . You should win an award for the worst customer service . Your matto should be " We 're not happy until your unhappy ! " The old program counted how many past cruises you sailed on to figure your benefits . The new program now counts how many days you sail . So if you are on a 3 night cruise , you will receive 3 points . If you are on a 10 night cruise , you will receive 10 points . So you now are rewarded based on the number of days you have sailed with Royal Caribbean and not just the number of cruises . Now if you purchase a suite , you get double the points . So if you sail in a suite for 10 nights , you receive 20 points . So you now have an incentive to book a suite as you double your point total on that cruise . The new program also added two new levels of recognition . Under the old program the levels were Gold , Platinum , Diamond & Diamond Plus . The new program adds the Emerald Level and the Pinnacle Club Level . So the new program is now Gold , Platinum , Emerald , Diamond , Diamond Plus and Pinnacle Club . The number of points needed for each level is as follows Delta Airlines launched new shuttle service from Chicago O ' Hare to New York 's LaGuardia airport on June 14 . The shuttle service offers 11 daily roundtrips linking Chicago and New York City . The flights depart LaGuardia on the hour between 7AM and 8PM . The Chicago flights depart at 5 minutes after the hour . The new service is operated by Delta 's regional partner Shuttle America using regional jet aircraft . The Allure of The Seas is due to set sail on its maiden voyage on December 1 , 2010 . This inaugural cruise is billed as a " 4 Night Labadee Extravaganza " cruise . This cruise will include 2 days at sea and a day at Labadee Haiti , Royal Caribbean 's beach port . The Allure of The Seas will make Fort Lauderdale Florida at Port Everglades its home . But the question on everyones mind is this . Is the Allure a carbon copy of the Oasis Of The Seas ? Well , looking at the two ships brochures , you find that the layout of both ships are identical . But the Allure will be different in its Boardwalk neighborhood . Instead of the Seafood Shack , the Allure 's Boardwalk will have a Mexican restaurant , Rita 's Cantina . A specialty hot dog counter called the Boardwalk Dog House , will be located where the doughnut shop is on the Oasis . So where is the popular doughnut shop on the Allure going to be ? Well , it is next to the premium ice cream shop . I have no idea where the ice cream shop is , but that 's ok . I am getting confused now . There is going to be a first in shopping on the Allure as " Guess " clothing opens up it 's first Clothing Store at Sea ! Guess will be located on the Royal Promenade , where the Focus photo store is on the Oasis and the Focus Photo Store will move to the new photo gallery area on the Allure . Are you throughly confused now ? Don 't be . If you have sailed on the Oasis then you will be able to navigate your way around the Allure without much trouble . So this new term BRT or Bus Rapid Transit , what is it ? Well Bus Rapid Transit combines the quality of rail transit with the flexibility of a regular bus service . BRT provides enhanced rapid transit service by using bus only traffic lanes , limited stops , off - board fare collection and level boarding stations . That means that you cannot pay your fare on the bus . You must purchase your ticket at the stop / station . These stations have automated fare vending machines . This makes boarding faster as people can board without having to pay a fare at the entrance of the bus . This is the way transit trains work . You can board more passengers in a shorter amount of time . This new service is a great way to get up and down the Las Vegas Strip quickly . But remember , this is a limited stop service . So you have to plan your route in advance so you know where you can get on and get off . I tried the SDX Express service this past April and I was really impressed . The boarding moved much faster then the Deuce Bus due to the fact that you just get on and hold up your fare card to the " Conductor " at the door . That 's right , there is a conductor on this bus , just like on a train . The motorman is in an enclosed cabin and this person drives the ACE . The prices are the same as the Deuce Bus , $ 6 for 2 hours pass , $ 8 for a 24 hour pass , or $ 20 for a 3 day pass . And you can use your fare card on the Deuce Bus or the SDX Express . So the next time you are in Las Vegas , give the SDX Express a try ! This is the Journal of my 7 night cruise aboard the Voyager of The Seas of Royal Caribbean Cruise Line . We departed from the Port of Galveston TX on January 24 , 2010 . This was a family cruise which included my wife and I and my Daughter and Son - in - Law and my Son and his girl friend . We arrived in Galveston on January 23 and stayed at the Hilton Galveston Resort for the evening . The Hilton is an upscale hotel situated right on the water in Galveston next to the Convention Center . Day 1 - Embarkation Galveston TX : January 24 , 2010 . We arrived on the Hilton Shuttle at the Port of Galveston at 1130AM . Getting a porter to take our luggage was a little challenging but we were able to find one and he took all of our luggage and we continued to the Checking area . Upon entering the checkin area , we were given a form that asked if you have been sick in the past 7 days . The cruise line wants to cut down of the chance of a flu outbreak on the ship and that is why they have you fill out the form . I don 't know what they would do to you if you answered yes to any of the questions , and I did not want to find out ! We continued through the security check point , which was just like the airport security with xray machines for your bags and the walk through metal detectors for the passengers . Since we were Diamond Plus Members ( 24 or more cruises with Royal Caribbean ) We were able to use the special express check in line . We were able to check in immediately and we then began to wander around the terminal . No one told us that Diamond Members and Suite passengers could board immediately . We found this out after I stopped a Royal Caribbean staff member after we wandered around for a while and found some chairs to sit down . The staff member said to me " didn 't the person checking you in tell you that you could just board the ship now ? I said " No " and he showed me where to go to board . So we gathered up our carry ons and proceeded to board the ship . Once on board , we found that the cabins would be available until 1PM . So we all headed to the Windjammer Cafe for lunch . The Windjammer is a buffet style restaurant located on deck 12 , aft . They have a large selection of food for just about every taste . Since we are a party of 6 on this cruise , we were able to find a large table near the window and settled down for a very nice lunch . We finished lunch at 1 : 15PM and proceeded to our staterooms . We are on deck 9 midship . Our staterooms had queen size beds with a private balcony , which is very nice on sea days to be able to just sit there and enjoy the sun and surf . Since the Voyager is now 11 years old , it has undergone a major refurbishment in 2009 . So the ship looks very good for it 's age . I remember the inaugural cruise which I was on 11 years ago . This ship , at that time was the worlds largest cruise ship . Today Voyager is considered a large ship but nowhere near the largest ship anymore . We are on Second Seating on the traditional dinning track , so we eat dinner at 8PM . Royal Caribbean now has what they call " Any Time Dinning " which let 's you eat breakfast , lunch and dinner any time you like . Dinner for anytime dinning begins at 545PM and ends at 830PM on this ship . I personally like the traditional dinning where you sit at the same table every night and have the same wait staff the entire cruise . I must say that I was not impressed with the dinning room service this first night . Our waiter just did not have his act together and it took forever to get our food . And to make things even worse , they forgot to bring my daughter her soup and our waiter did not introduce himself to us until we were ready to leave the dinning room after the meal . The dinner itself was very good and the presentation was very nice . After dinner we went to the " Welcome Aboard Show . " Since there was only one show tonight , we had a very hard time finding seats . But we finally found seat and settled down to enjoy the show . Our cruise director , Mike Szwajkowski introduced the weeks events and played a very old cruise game that I have not seen done at sea for a very long time . It was the " Hat Game " where 7 men are chosen from the audience . They are given 6 hats and when the music stops , anyone now wearing a hat is out ! Well , it is extremely funny and every one had a great laugh . Next they had two acts that will be preforming in two of the lounges on the ship during the week . Both acts were very good and I will be sure to stop by the lounges they will be playing in this week . Mike then introduced the comedy of Hal Spear . Hal is the producer of " Who 's Line is it Anyways " and has appeared on Comedy Central and The Tonight Show . He was extremely funny . He will be doing an adult late show on Tuesday night at 11 : 30PM and I will be there ! Day 2 - At Sea : Monday January 25 , 2010 . The sun is out and not a cloud in the sky ! I woke up at 8AM to get ready for our Diamond Member special event . The special event was our personal bridge tour of the Voyager . We met the crew members that would escort us to the bridge at 8 : 50AM on Deck 10 at the forward elevators . We were escorted to the bridge where we had a wonderful tour of the High Tech Bridge . This tour is very special and we really appreciate the fact that Royal Caribbean gives Diamond Plus members the chance to take this tour . After the Bridge tour I was off to breakfast in the Windjammer Cafe where I had a wonderful breakfast as I watched the ships pass us by in the distance . After breakfast it was off to the Cleopatra 's Needle lounge for Cruise Director Mike 's Madness Trivia hour . The first part of the trivia game was TV theme show songs , which I am an expert at . Yes , I know , I have to get a life ! But the second half was just way out there really off the wall trivia questions . So my team won the TV theme show half , but we lost the second half . But I did keep my record as the only person in the room that knew two of the TV themes . After Trivia , it was time to explore the ship and find out what has changed on this ship since my last time onboard . I always enjoy exploring the ship and finding great hiding places to just get away from it all . Royal Caribbean did take out all the chairs along the windows on the pool deck and replaced them with round tables with 4 chairs per table . I personally think they should have kept some chairs along the windows and alternated with two tables and then 6 chairs . I feel this would be a better use of the space as the tables are only used during meal time and even then they are not fully utilized . At 1PM it was time for lunch . My daughter and Son in Law joined my wife and I for a very leisurely lunch in the Windjammer Cafe . I had the Pasta in red sauce with some veggies and a small salad . It was a very relaxing lunch and I enjoyed it throughly ! After lunch I relaxed at the pool for a little while and then proceeded to the Schooner Bar for 50 's & 60 's Name that Tune game . My Daughter , Son in Law and I were a team to take on about 20 other teams . We did pretty well , with 19 points we came in 5 overall . Not to bad for 3 people who did really not know what they were doing ! Later in the after noon , we felt the ship make a sharp turn and head back north . The turn was so sharp that the pool emptied out onto the deck . The Captain came on the loud speaker and told us that he had to turn the ship around because the crew had spotted a life raft in the water . So we were on a rescue mission to retrieve the life raft in the water . We pull up along side of the raft and we launched a rescue boat to go and get the life raft . The entire ship was along the rails on the Port Side to watch the rescue effort . When the rescue boat got to the raft , it found no passenger aboard . They then towed the life raft back to our ship and brought it on board . We don 't know if there were any people that were in the raft at one time but we do know the the raft and a smaller life raft that was attached to the big round one had flipped over . It was were interesting to watch a real rescue effort at sea . We did get our pictures taken and Lil always blinks ! We all really looked good tonight . There was a not so nice incident that happened in the Concierge Club . Lil and I are Diamond Plus members ( 24 or more Cruises ) and we have access to the Concierge Club . My Daughter and Son in Law wanted to relax in the Club before dinner . I gave them my entrance card and they went in . The Concierge in charge then proceeded to tell them they were not welcome and threw them out ! Wow , how rude ! I take my family on this cruise , spend all this money and the Concierge has the nerve to throw them out of the Club . My kids are 26 and 30 years old ! I just don 't get it . Nice way to piss off your best customers . We did have a very nice dinner . The food was very good but the wait staff still does not have their act together . Our waiter gives everyone a menu except me and then when I finally track him down and ask for a menu , he looks at me and says " Didn 't I just give you one ? " Well , I don 't have one so I guess not . It is still taking them over two hours to serve us our meal . Maybe by the end of the cruise they will get it right ! We did celebrate my Son and Son - in - Laws 30th birthdays this evening . The wait staff did get the Birthday Cake correct ! Thank goodness for that . The entertainment for the evening was a very good production show in the main show lounge . Music in Motion was the name of the show and it followed music from the movies over the years . Good dancing and singing and a fun evening . Day 3 - At Sea : Tuesday January 26 , 2010 . Well , it is getting warmer the farther we get into the Caribbean . I got up at 8AM and had a great breakfast in the Windjammer Cafe . After breakfast , I did some shopping in the shops on board . Then it was on to the La Scala Theater for a very interesting hour with our cruise director Mike about living and working on a cruise ship . It was a real learning experience and a glimpse behind the scenes of the day to day operations of a large cruise ship . After Mikes talk , I decided to hang out around the sports deck and ended up shooting some baskets on the basketball court . Lunch in the Windjammer Cafe is always a pleasant experience . The nice part about it is the selection of food . Since it is buffet style , you have a large choice of items that fit just about everyones tastes . I love the pasta and there is pasta every day . So after a nice leisurely lunch I decided to spend some time just exploring the ship . I love the water slide on the kids deck in the aft of the ship . It starts out on deck 13 and winds its way down to deck 12 . It 's great for kids of all ages . Royal Caribbean has decided to offer WiFi on their ships . Now you have to pay for the privilege of using it , but thats ok , if it worked . Dozens of people are trying to get on the internet and they just keep timing out . It is the slowest service I have ever seen from a satellite internet provider . And to make things even worse , everyone is getting charged $ 0 . 55 per minute , even when you are not getting a signal and are still connected . It took me 8 minutes to download my email into my Mac mail client . This was for only 15 messages with no attachments . The total download was less then 50K . That is just highway robbery ! After about 15 minutes of trying to get on line and the signal going up and down , 6 of us that were in the internet cafe on board went down to the front desk to complain . The young lady at the front desk listened to our complaint and issued each of us a $ 10 credit . It did not make the internet any faster , but it did take some of the bite out of the cost . It todays always connected world , cruise ships should be able to offer decent satellite internet connect speeds . I don 't expect cable broadband , but I do expect better then a dial up modem speeds . Later in the day I was talking to my Son - in - Law about a future cruise . So we decided to go over to the future cruise booking area to see if we could get a brochure . I saw that there was a cabinet that was open with cruise brochures in it . I started looking for a Caribbean and a Europe brochure . All of a sudden I was pushed aside and scolded by Mr . Peter Enns the Loyalty Ambassador no less ! I was told that I was looking at a private cabinet and that he did not have ANY brochures ( which I knew was not true as I was just about to pick one out of that cabinet . ) Some Loyalty Ambassador , he made me feel like an ass in front of my son and all the other people that were in the room . Really a great way to make friends and influence people . It really made me very angry . I will guarantee I will NOT be booking our next cruise with Mr . Enns . Day 4 : Roatan Honduras : Wednesday January 27 , 2010 , The temperature is in the Low 80 's and the sun is out with not a cloud in the sky ! We are off on our tour of the island this morning . Our guide was Spencer and there were 10 people on our tour . I liked the fact that we had the smallest group , as we were able to get into and out of places very quickly . We first went to the Exotic Bird and Butterfly garden . This was a rather small but very interesting stop . They had lots a very talkative parrots and a number of toucans . The butterfly garden was outstanding . I have never seen so many butterflies in one area in my life . We even watch 2 climb out of their cocoons . After about an hour at the Garden we were off to the West End of the island to watch a performance of the " Important Dance ! " After the performance we had a chance to walk on the beach and I took some great pictures ! It was then off to the Botanical Gardens where we received an education of all the native plants on the island . We were also give the ability to taste some of the fruit that is grown on the island . All in All I give this tour an A + , it was much more then I expected which was a pleasant surprise ! Then it was back to the ship for a late lunch and a short rest . The evening entertainment was very good . It was Ice Show night . The name of the show was Ice Odyssey . It is really something to watch an Ice Show on a cruise ship . The Ice Rink is not the biggest you have ever seen , but the cast members were able to do things that you would think that they could only do on a large rink . I really enjoyed the show and would recommend it to everyone . After the Ice Show it was time for the Love and Marriage Game Show . This is always a very funny part of the cruise . This game is basically the old Newlywed game with a twist . They take a newlywed couple , a couple that has been married for approximately 33 years and then a couple that has been married for over 50 years . Well as you can expect , things get very funny ! It was a good time for all . After the show , we sat in on the Karaoke night in the Cleopatra 's Needle lounge and then off to bed . Day 5 - Costa Maya , Mexico - Thursday January 28 , 2010 , Today is our first port in Mexico . Costa Maya is a fairly new port . This port was built approximately 9 years ago and a town has grown up around it . It is a very quaint port and very easy to get in and out of . We went on a shore tour to Chacchoben , which is a Mayan archaeological ruins dig site . This is a wonderful area , it is about an hour drive inland from the port . Royal Caribbean uses a tour company that has brand new motor coaches with all the comforts of home . From a restroom to video screens , this was the most comfortable bus I have been on in years . If you have never been to a Mayan Ruins site before , this is a great place to start . It is one of the best tours available in Costa Maya . I highly recommend it . Day 6 - Cozumel Mexico , Friday January 29 , 2010 - Today was a day to relax and explore around the port area . It was HOT today ! I walked halfway from the port to the downtown area , but it was so hot that I stopped and sat in the beach for about 15 minutes and then headed back to the ship . The rest of the trip was uneventful and I really enjoyed being with my family for the week . I have said it many times that cruises are the best vacation for the money . I really hope that Royal Caribbean takes a look at their current operation and maybe return to the kind of customer service that my wife and family remember . Ok , this is the most ridiculous thing I have every heard . Ryanair , an Irish discount airline is considering a new way to make money . They already charge for everything extra on their flights , but now they want you to pay to pee ! That 's right , you have to go , you have to pay ! I never thought that anyone would have the nerve to charge you to go to the toilet on an airplane ! So there you are at 35 , 000 feet and you have to go and you don 't have any change ? What do you do ? Do you wet your pants ? Do you walk down the aisle and ask everyone for spare change so you can GO ? Here is a quote from a Ryanair official . " One thing we have looked at in the past and are looking at again is the possibility of maybe putting a coin slot on the toilet door so that people might actually have to spend a pound to spend a penny in future , " This is just crazy ! So if you are thinking of flying Ryanair in Europe , be sure to take some spare change . You never know when you may have to GO !
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No , it isn 't Friday yet , but we can enjoy a good flashback in the middle of the week every once in a while , can 't we ? ! Let 's share our most vivid memories of New Year 's Eves past ! I 'll be glad to share mine first ( Robin you know what 's coming ! ) The first one that comes to mind is the New Year 's Robin and I spent with our then boyfriends ( her now husband , my now ex - boyfriend ) at a friend 's house . Actually it wasn 't a house , it was an apartment over a funeral home , if you wanna really know . Anyway , we got quite messed up on Mint Vodka . We were dirty dancing with a friend of our men , and he pretty much was running to get away from us . . . . can we say uninhibited ? ! My man actually had the flu and spent the entire night in a bedroom sleeping . Every once in a while I took my drunk self in there and talked to him , and made the mistake of sleeping in the room with him that night , cause I ended up catching his flu ! The most vivid memory of that night ? Take chair shots ! The last one I took , Robin decided my chaser would be poured into my mouth from a 2 liter bottle . . . you can imagine what happened . Coke ALLLL down the front of me ! Now , I can 't talk about New Year 's Eve without mentioning the NEXT New Year 's Eve , the one I spent in Salzburg , Austria with Emory & Henry 's Concert Choir ! We sang in the streets and rang in the new year by the Danube ! We took pictures and Heather and I cried at the realization that we were getting ready to graduate from college and move into the real world ! Having gone through a difficult breakup over the year that was ending ( yes , with the boy who was sick in bed when last I mentioned him ) and scratching my way out of a deep hole of depression , I also cried asking others if surely this next year would be better ! OK , now it is your turn ! Share your favorite New Year 's stories with us ! After you 've written your post , come here and share with us so we can come read your story ! Happy New Year , ya 'll , and here 's to a fantastic 2009 ! How are ya 'll ? We 're doing well ! We 're enjoying a week off without many obligations . Right now , Chris is playing Morrowind and the boys are watching . I just took a nice bath and listened to a podcast from Bible Study Podcasts . I learned something interesting : before a lamb could be sacrificed in the temple in Biblical times , it had to be washed in fresh clean water . So when Jesus was obedient to the Lord wanting him to be the sacrifical Lamb of God for our sins , He also had to be washed in clean water . Isn 't that what his baptism was , as our own personal baptisms cleanse us to be a new creation in Christ ? ! I thought that was really neat ! The particular podcast I heard tonight was one from a while back that I had saved on my iTunes . It was focused on Romans 5 : 19 . We had a wonderful Christmas ! I hope that you did as well ! We got spoiled rotten by family members and enjoyed time spent with our families . I hate that we didn 't get to spend more time with Chris ' cousins and such as his Mamaw 's , but that is part of the problem with us gathering on Christmas Day there . We need to also get to my family 's gathering , so we don 't get to spend as much time with them . Hopefully Chris ' mom and aunts are going to put their feet down and insist that we get together on another day at Mamaw 's . I 'm hoping since Christmas will be on a Friday it will be easier to gather people next year . We don 't have any specific plans for the rest of the week . I love it ! And for those who might be wondering , it looks as though the funding for my school is going to work out ! It isn 't a done deal yet , but from what I 've heard from my financial aid contact , it is pretty much a matter of filing the proper paperwork and notifying the right people . She also thinks she might be able to get me some money retroactive for the fall ! I 'm so thankful that the Lord is seeing me through this ! He is SO good , and all I had to do for Him to help was to ask ! If it had not been on His timetable , it would have been okay , but I 'm much happier finishing my cohort that I 've Christi Stapleton I had to share this song today cause my boys LOVE it ! Because it was included in Horton Hears a Who , my boys have become familiar with it and LOVE to sing along to it in the car , and usually ask to hear it on every trip ! Yesterday I dubbed it our family anthem ! LOLSo without further adieu , I present Can 't Fight This Feeling ! OR if you want to watch it from Horton , click here ! What about you ? Any song come to mind during your Christmas festivities ? ? Come share the story with us ! Merry Christmas , all ! I pray that you are filled with HIS Heavenly Peace today . . . no matter what your circumstances , that you be filled with the Peace that Passeth All Understanding . That is my Christmas wish for each of you , my blogger friends ! We have had a lovely day , and it isn 't over yet ! We spent last evening with Chris ' parents , his aunt and cousin , and his brother and family . We had a nice visit , then attended our Christmas Eve Candlelight Service as a family for the first time ! We 'd never let the boys stay up for it , but they did wonderfully last night ! It was so special to spend it with them , showing them how Jesus is the first and foremost reason that we celebrate Christmas . This morning , we looked at Santa 's lovely offerings and opened gifts for our immediate family ! We then began preparing food for our visits of the day . We went to Chris ' Mamaw 's for a few hours and got to see some of the family before coming back home to prepare food for my family gathering . ( This was a bone of contention for us : one aunt insisted that we all go to Mamaw 's on the actual Christmas Day , where the rest of us would rather do it another day . Chris was very irritated and we vowed to be sure to see Mamaw and not worry about if we saw anyone else ! ) Now Chris is fixing the dishes that family members have requested that he make and we will soon leave for my sister 's house , where we 'll enjoy dinner together and open presents ! In other good news , my nephew Ked was named Kicker to the local newspaper Elite Team ! ! We are thrilled ! ! He has at least a couple of colleges looking at him ! I pray that you have had a relaxing and peaceful day and that your celebration of Him continues in the coming days ! ! I 'm filling out the FAFSA as I type , which is my first step toward getting this grant ! Talked to someone in financial aid today and other than submitting this , I 'm gonna kind of be on hold until Jan . 5 , which is understandable . Please continue to pray that this all falls in place ! Oh , and my superintendent is going to reimburse me for the class last semester and one for this semester , so this helps out . . . . just gotta secure the funds to pay for ' em in the first place ! Off to fill out paperwork and then wrap presents ! A friend of mine commented on my last post and I think she may have pointed me toward the answer to the school money problem ! ! PLEASE pray that she has ! All the schools except one qualify as serving a large number of low - income students , and if I am looking to go back to school in an area that the federal government considers high need ( which Reading Specialist is on the list ) , and I promise to teach it full - time for at least 4 years , they 'll pay for my degree ! ! PLEASE join me in praying that this can be worked out , and that the college will work with me to get this money ASAP ! ! I 'm calling both the college and my Superintendent tomorrow to see what they think ! ! PLEASE , please , pray ! ! Oh , please , Lord , let this be Your answer and Your will ! ! ! ! Um , yeah . Seems like the budget cuts in Virginia hit me and and took away my dream of getting my Master 's to be a Reading Specialist . I just got off the phone with my college and then with the Superintendent 's Secretary , who had to confirm what the college had told me , that because of budget cuts , he could reimburse me for the classes but couldn 't pay for them outright . And we don 't have that kind of money , heck we 're paying more each month than Chris brings in extra to pay for his schooling . I just feel like the walls caved in on me . And wouldn 't you know , this happens when all the funding for the year has dried up to get my classes paid for any other way . It would have been nice for someone to actually let me know this instead of me figuring it out for myself right before Christmas ! He ( the supt . ) said for me to call on Monday but I 'm sure he is going to tell me the same thing . It isn 't his fault that the state has cut funding 3 . 5 million dollars . But it sure hurts like the dickens , like my heart has broken ! It ran through my mind a minute ago that when God closes one door , He opens another , but I just can 't see it clearly right now and I feel like the rug and lots of hope has been pulled out from under me . Please pray for my peace , cause I sure don 't feel it right now . I don 't want this to be happening . ( I copied and pasted from my fave message boards cause I didn 't have the heart to type it all out again . ) This song reminds me of two different periods of my life . . . . high school and college ! We sang this in my high school chorus , and then also the winter that we toured in Austria and Hungary in my college 's Concert Choir . It even reminds me of my sorority little sister , who was very enthusiastically singing her part one day during practice and kept singing when we had stopped . . . . hence her pledge name of " Ding " ! All good memories , but we still didn 't sing it nearly as well as these Celtic women ! Check ' em out ! What about you ? Do you have a Christmas memory to share today ? ? Please join in ! I 'm so amazed by her flexibility ! ! I know I 'm biased , but isn 't she beautiful ? ? ( This is my 16 year old niece Katie , by the way ! ) Happy Wordless Wednesday ! I came home from work yesterday with some pain again on my right side . After about an hour of it still hurting , Chris insisted that I go to the after hours clinic here in town . So they ran more tests and this time , it came back that I had blood in my urine . The doctor that saw me last night believes that I 'm having kidney stones . Today they called to schedule a renal CT scan for next Monday . I also have a dentist appointment that same day , so I guess I 'll get it all over at once ! Is it just that everyone is busy or does my content stink lately ? ! I hope it is business ! ! hee heeHopefully it will slow down later in the week when school is finished ! How are your Christmas preparations going ? I 'm slowly getting there . The tree is UP and we hope to decorate it tonight or tomorrow . I 'm working on Christmas cards , and will start wrapping tonight . Most of the shopping is done , if not all . Now if I can keep from spending all our money on co - pays for doctor visits , I 'll be happy ! ! Saw this on another blog and thought it looked fun ! 1 . Wrapping paper or gift bags ? I 'm all about wrapping paper ! Wrapping gifts is one of my favorite parts of Christmas ! 2 . Real tree or Artificial ? - Artificial , but I do love a real one ! 3 . When do you put up the tree ? It varies . Ours is up but not decorated . Hoping to do that tomorrow evening ! 4 . When do you take the tree down ? I like to leave it up through Epiphany , January 6 . 5 . Do you like eggnog ? yes6 . Favorite gift received as a child ? Probably my Mandy and Jenny dolls ! 7 . Hardest person to buy for ? Either my sister - in - law , or my oldest nephews ! 8 . Easiest person to buy for ? The boys , or my niece Katie ! 9 . Do you have a nativity scene ? Yes , my parents bought us a nice one for our anniversary several years ago ! 10 . Mail or email Christmas cards ? mail11 . Worst Christmas gift you ever received ? - Hmmmm , can 't really think of one ! 12 . Favorite for Christmas dinner ? One eaten with family . 13 . When do you start shopping for Christmas ? - Sometimes in Sept . or October . 14 . Have you ever recycled a Christmas present ? - I don 't think so . 15 . Favorite thing to eat at Christmas ? Pumpkin Roll , candies , ham . . . . lots of things ! 16 . Lights on the tree ? Our tree came with lights installed . They 're all white ! 17 . Favorite Christmas song ? That 's a hard one . . . there are very few I don 't love ! " Angels We Have Heard on High " , " Strange Way to Save the World " , " Breath of Heaven " , " Tennessee Christmas " , " Little Town " . . . 18 . Travel at Christmas or stay home ? Usually just have to travel within the county ! 19 . Angel on the tree top or a star ? - Angel20 . Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning ? With my husband 's family , we open on Christmas Eve . At our own home and with my family , on Christmas Day ! This is one of my absolute favorite Christmas songs ! It gives words to thoughts we often have , about why did God choose THIS way ? It really makes Mary and Joseph seem more real to me as well . Hope that you enjoy it ! I 've been emotional yesterday and today . . . . very sentimental . I think part of it is knowing that my coworker , fellow church member , and friend Debbie is in Texas being scanned again to see if there is any way her cancer is operable . I am praying for them constantly ! Debbie has such faith and has touched so many lives . It is evident every time I log on to her Caring Bridge journal and more and more people are commenting on how they 're praying for her . Then I just found out that one of my best friends ( and the mother of Isaac 's best friend ) and coworkers is expecting a baby ! I 'm THRILLED for her , but know that she doesn 't have an easy time with pregnancy . In fact , they lost their last baby to miscarriage . I 'm praying for them with every breath as well ! Their entire family is just so precious to me , and it brings tears to my eyes to know what they 've been through already , and to know the miracle that L . is carrying ! Their daughter is in first grade , and yesterday just looking at her brought tears to my eyes ! We were practicing for a little program we 're doing next week , and we 're singing a rendition of " Away in a Manger . " I also started thinking about how blessed I am to be teaching in the Bible Belt where no one will be offended or think twice about us singing about Baby Jesus , and then looking out at this sea of faces of our precious students , and I just teared up ! Of course , they all looked at me like I 'd sprouted a second head ! I told ' em that I wasn 't upset , that it was a happy cry ! I told ' em they did so well , that I cried ! That made ' em happy again and they ran off to report that to their teachers . Then last night I went to watch my beautiful and talented niece dance . Oh , what a joy ! I just wept watching her . . . . she is just so graceful and holds herself just so , with even her hand placement perfect ! Posted by I went to see a doctor in my regular practice today . It took forever ! Basically she decided that since I hadn 't had any more pain that if I started having another bad time that , we 'd have a plan of action . If I can tell it isn 't an IBS situation , then I 'm to come get a ( Sorry , TMI ! ) stool collection kit and see if there is anything going on intestinally to be causing this . See I had another situation very similar to this 2 years ago , and it was inconclusive then as well ! So I really don 't want to have to go through all this for a third time , ya know ? I 'm fine with them not sending me for more tests , etc . yet . Tests cost money ! At least if it starts up again now I have something I can take for pain while trying to figure out what the deal is . Thanks for reading if you did ! Honestly , I 'm always worried that people are gonna think I 'm some kind of hypochondriac or exaggerating . . . . Chris can vouch for the fact that I 'm not . Looking back , he was really upset the other day . He paced the floor like a caged animal ! He 's afraid that it is attacks of my appendix and that eventually it is gonna have to come out , and he may be right . But even while I was in the ER , I was telling him , " I 'm sorry honey , I promise I 'm not making this up ! " and he was reassuring me that he KNEW that I was in lots of pain ! I 'd much rather go through childbirth again than to deal with that kind of pain ! Well , I 'm soon off to get ready for the Nutcracker ! Have a great weekend , all ! Ah , those were the days ! I wasn 't nearly as New Kids crazy as some of my friends , but I did go see them in concert one time ! I must say it WAS a good concert ! It was general admission , so we stood in line for hours just to get in the door . . . thankfully I had a friend who bought my ticket for me , cause I wasn 't gonna be in line overnight to BUY the tickets like many were ! I remember that my dance class , as the oldest , performed a dance to this song for our dance studio 's Christmas party ! Oh , weren 't we cool . . . there I was with my big 80s hair , big 80s glasses cause apparently one of my contacts was ripped , my red sweatpants , white Reebok high - tops , and handmade Christmas sweatshirt ! Can you not just FEEL the coolness that was me ? ! My good friend Julie and I even sat on Santa 's lap to have our pic made together , we were THAT cool ! To live in such a stress free time again ! ! Speaking of dance studios , tomorrow my niece will be dancing the part of the Snow Queen in the Intercity Ballet 's production of The Nutcracker ! I 'm so stinkin ' proud of her ! On Saturday night she 'll be performing as an Arabian dancer . I 'm amazed at the way that girl can bend herself ! I 'll try my best to actually remember my camera tomorrow to get some shots of her ! So here ya go , I know you probably skipped ahead to get to this cause you couldn 't WAIT while I went on about stuff . . . . . NKOTB ! ! What about you ? Do you have any fun Christmas memories you 'd like to share ? C ' mon and join in the fun ! It is time to play a Wild Card ! Every now and then , a book that I have chosen to read is going to pop up as a FIRST Wild Card Tour . Get dealt into the game ! ( Just click the button ! ) Wild Card Tours feature an author and his / her book 's FIRST chapter ! You never know when I might play a wild card on you ! Today 's Wild Card author is : Joel Osteenand the book : Your Best Life Begins Each Morning FaithWords ( December 10 , 2008 ) ABOUT THE AUTHOR : Joel Osteen is the pastor of the largest church in America with one of the most diverse congregations and over 30 , 000 members attending every week . He has quickly become a leading voice in a new generation of inspirational leaders and pastors . Under his leadership , Lakewood Church has grown in every area of ministry , more than quadrupling in size in the past five years . In the summer of 2005 , the church moved into Houston 's 17 , 000 - seat Compaq Arena and become the new Lakewood International Center . Joel and his wife Victoria live in Houston with their two children . Visit the author 's website . Product Details : List Price : $ 13 . 99 Hardcover : 384 pages Publisher : FaithWords ( December 10 , 2008 ) Language : English ISBN - 10 : 0446545090 ISBN - 13 : 978 - 0446545099 AND NOW . . . THE FIRST CHAPTER : YOUR Best Life BEGINS EACH MORNING Devotions to Start Every New Day of the Year JOEL OSTEEN Introduction The key to living your best life starts with how you approach every new morning , because today is the only day you have . You can 't do anything about the past , and you don 't know what the future holds . But when you wake up in the morning , you can make up your mind to do your best to enjoy your day . You 're not going to allow what does or doesn 't happen to steal your joy and keep you from God 's abundant life . Don 't start your day off by feeling guilty about yesterday or recalling all the mistakes you made . Rather , when you make mistakes , simply ask God for forgiveness and then move on , confident that the moment you ask , God forgives you . You are ready for a great present and a bright future . Get uChristi Stapleton Oh , man , girlies ( and boys , too . . . are there any of you out there ? ? ) it has been a wild few days around these parts ! Let 's start on Friday . . . . Adam woke up in the middle of the night vomiting . I stayed home because Chris is trying to help transition away from one of his two school assignments and needed to be there to work with the other lady , who is known to complicate things ! No problem . I went ahead and took him to the doctor cause Adam doesn 't usually seem to be ill until he is REALLY sick . The doctor thought it was just a virus that he had but was concerned about a place on the back of his ear , so went ahead and gave us an antibiotic for that ( which helped the supposed virus . . . he 's no longer coughing . . . . go figure ) . Saturday we were hit with a surprise snow storm ! We were supposed to only get flurries , but it was a full blown storm , at least what we Southerners call a storm ! Then it froze over night to ice , so we had a bit of a mess on our hands for several days on the mountain roads that don 't get sun . These roads also don 't get scraped or salted cause they are so rural , it is too cost prohibitive to do so . ( Just letting you know so those of you who don 't live in the South won 't start heckling me for the small amount of snow we got . . . yeah , I know it is nothing to you , but that isn 't the point of the story ! SHEESH ! ) Anyway , I digress . . . Sunday morning and evening we did our Christmas cantatas at church , and they went pretty well , except for what I described a few days ago concerning Adam and the video camera . And then came Monday , where * I * got the loveliness of the stomach bug ! Thankfully , school was cancelled because of the snow on Saturday . I finally started taking some Immodium since I couldn 't stay out of the bathroom , and that started causing horrible gas pains , or so I thought . After a few hours of that I was feeling much better and even had visions of making it to work on Tuesday . ( FYI : for those who aren 't teachers , it is more trouble than it is worth to be out of school if at all possible . The kids go wilPosted by What a beautiful Sunday it is ! We have snow on the ground and Jesus in our hearts ! We had our Christmas Cantata today , and it went well ! Well , we did have a couple of mishaps . . . one lady started falling down , I think she just got too hot or locked her knees . Then apparently my son got tangled up in the video cord and ended up cutting off the music for a few seconds as my husband and brother in law tried to rescue all the equipment ! But other than that , it was marvelous ! We sang this song , which is absolutely beautiful , so I thought I 'd share it with you ! Happy December ! ! Welcome to the Christmas version of Flashback Friday ! I remember hearing this song for the first time . . . . with my sisters , in 7th or 8th grade . Then that Christmas Day , Amy Grant was on The Today Show and we sat around the TV singing along with her . Though I have lived in Tennessee , Virginia , and Georgia , I 'm a Tennessee fan and a Tennessee girl when I hear this song ! And it means what Christmas means to me . . . . home ! What holiday songs do you love ? Come share , and don 't forget to spread the word ! I 'm thankful for snow schedules so I can get a tiny bit more sleep ! I 've had bus duty this week , too , so that is an added hour a day I have to be at work . Our cantata is this weekend , so I 've had practice for that for 2 nights , and then my last night of class for the semester was on Tuesday . I 'm tired , and it is only gonna keep going , I 'm sure ! So just want to update ya as to where I am . . . . around , just busy ! I 'm sure you are , too ! 1 ) What is the most unbelievable thing you have ever witnessed ? I would have to say that it was the experience I had at the Dome Cathedral in Salzburg , Austria . Here is the story ! 2 ) If you could change your identity completely ( money no object ) , what would the new you be like ? I 'd be a work at home mom , and have blonde hair . I can 't think of other things I 'd do differently ! 3 ) What would you do if you saw someone making fun of another person ? Depends on where I was . If I was at work , I 'd stop them immediately ! Out in public , I don 't know . . . it would depend on the circumstances . 4 ) If you could go back to the Garden of Eden and talk to Adam and Eve for five minutes , what would you say ? DON ' T EAT THE APPLE ! What was it like to be able to be in full communication with God ? 5 ) Show and Tell . What comes to mind first when you see this picture ? Or , tell a story if it reminds you of one . It looks to me like a church getting ready for Vacation Bible School !
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Keywords : First off , ew , I know ! But my almost 8 year old , who I thought just had classic ADHD but now thinking it 's even worse , has been peeing in random places in our house for the past 6 months or so - that I know of . At first we thought he was doing it in his room while sleepwalking , because we believed him that he wasn 't purposefully doing it when we 'd find wet spots ( all on carpet , mind you ) . But then he finally fessed up one day when it was obvious and then I knew he 'd been lying about all the other times . I ask him why he would do this and he just says he doesn 't know , he won 't do it again , or that he was just being " lazy " ( his word ) . I mean , he 's going through the effort to pull his pants down , and peeing in corners of his room , or behind a dresser , his closet , the middle of the living room . It 's disgusting . And VERY hard to get rid of the smell . I 'm so completely distressed by this , and feel like it 's just one more reason why I can never trust him . He takes Ritalin twice a day becuase without it he can 't function in school , but this was happening before we started medicating him . Has anyone else had an experience with this ? What does it mean ? ? He 'll start seeing a psychologist next week . So I 'm hoping that helps . I don 't know if he 's doing it because of the impulsivity , or to be defiant ( it 's not at a specific time of day or anything that I can determine - very random ) , or because he 's upset about something ? I don 't know . But this on top of everything else we deal with re his behavior is just too much . It breaks my heart because I 'm constantly upset with him and I have a hard time enjoying his company . Plus I can 't trust him . I wish i had something to say to help you . I know I 'm a stranger but I 'm thinking about you now and sending prayers and good thoughts your way : ) Hopefully this will just be a passing struggle for you both . All I can say is " WOW , I 'm not the only one dealing with this issue ! " My ADHD 7 year old was doing the same actions at least 6 months ago . The behavior started when he was 4 years old , fully potty - trained , but at night he would urinate next to his bed , behing the tv stand , in a corner , or in his closet instead of going to the bathroom ! Every morning I would wake up and his room smelled horrid . Then I would have to search for the wet spot and scrub or shampoo the whole carpet . My husband and I were frustrated , confused and concerned . I told his doctor about this and other behavioral problems he was showing at 4 yrs old . Finally he was evaluated and diagnosised with ADHD . Over the next 2 years until present , he still has relapses . Sometimes he tells me he is afraid to walk into the dark bathroom at night so he relieves himself in our hallway ( carpet ) . I agree with you , the smell is almost impossible to get rid of ! I have shampooed my carpet at least 15 times in the last year ! It can be very frustrating , but we just have long talks with him ( even if he seems to not be listening ) and we have even taken away video games for that type of behavior . That worked , problem solved for a good while . We put a night light in his room , the hallway and the bathroom . So far , its been approx . 6 months since his last incident . I hope your situation clears up soon . Don 't feel too bad , you are not alone in your struggles . @ Kiki808 - have your son relapsed recently ? Our psychologist never did get to the bottom of why our son was doing this , but suspected it was a way of acting out , but my son was constantly begging for a nintendo ds or similar , so I made a deal with him that after 6 months , if he didn 't do it anymore , I would buy him one . Apparently he stopped - or at least I couldn 't find any evidence , so I want to believe him but it 's hard because he does lie a lot and sneak things - so last week was the 6 month mark & I held up to my end of the bargain . We will be moving this fall and I worry stress of whatever he 's feeling will cause him to start it up again , especially since I don 't know why he was doing it in the first place , but I 'm just hoping we 're past that point . As I Read This , We Are Having Our 9 Year Old Shampoo Our Couch Because He HasPeed In It . Im Not Talking About An Accident . I Am Talking About Him Pulling Out His Penis And Peeing On The Couch Like It Was A Urinal . Asked Him Why And He Has No Idea Why . Now I Am Dealing With The Kid And The Angry father . ( Sorry About Caps . Phone Has A Mind Of Its Own ) As odd as this may sound , I was so happy to read this post … . . . . . finally I am not alone ! ! ! ! I have been going absolutely insane . I have a 13 year old boy who is peeing in inappropriate place throughout my house . At first it was on the floor behind the bar , then on my dryer , then in the fireplace and most recently on the floor in his room , but really the fireplace is his go to . It drives me absolutely insane and infuriates me ! ! I am continually asking him why ? Are you mad at me ? Are you trying to get back at me for something … . . . any kind of answer would be better than ' I don 't know ' . Seriously , what does one think about when they whip their penis out of their pants and start peeing ? Then on top of that , lying about doing it . I have his annual checkup with the doctor and I was debating talking to the doctor about it because I thought I was crazy , but after reading this … . . . I know I 'm not and I 'm definitely going to be talking to the doctor about it . Punishment and rewards haven 't worked , I 'm at the end of my rope and need help with this ! I am so relieved to see that there are others dealing with this problem . I have an 11 year old son who has been doing this for years on and off . It stopped for about 2 years , but has recently started back up again over the last 4 - 5 months or so . I have the carpet cleaners coming almost regularly . He only pees on his bedroom carpet , usually behind a dresser . I don 't know how many times he has done it before the smell builds up to the point I realize it . My husband and I then fight him relentlessly to fess up which goes on for hours . Tonight , the only way I could get him to admit it was to hold a bible in front of him and ask him to swear on it . Thankfully he wouldn 't and we knew he would finally confess , which he did after an hour of adamant denial . This has been a vicious cycle . Lord knows this isn 't his only problem , but definitely an unacceptable one . Don 't even let me get started on his lying about homework . I don 't know why he does this , the only answer I ever get is " I don 't know " . Well then who does ? Who can help ? He 's on Concerta . It 's hard to even tell what 's a medication issue anymore . Feeling hopeless . I have an 11 year old who does the same . Currently making me crazy ! ! ! I feel hopeless too . What am I doing wrong what is wrong with my child . I need suggestions ! I feel like I 'm reading about my son ! I truly thought I was alone in dealing with this . My son has been doing this on and off since 1st grade ( he 's in 5th now ) . The frustrating part besides the pee is that he 's done it in 4 different places that we 've lived in . I plan on asking his doctor about this the next time he goes in for a med check . If anyone has any tips or advise , I 'm all ears ! It 's nice to know I 'm not alone and the only parent dealing with this . Thank you so much for posting this question ! I was almost in tears from finding yet another urine soaked spot in my sons bedroom . He is 9 and has been doing this on and off for years . We hadn 't had an incident in about a year and now this . Mostly in his bedroom closet . Always covered up with a rug or some dirty clothes . We get the same answer of " I don 't know " when he is confronted . One time we got a im afraid of the dark . He is generally a good kid . Just the usual adhd issues with being impulsive and inattentive . So sad if this is behavioral . I wish we knew what is bothering him . Thankful we are not alone . Hi . I was an ADD child , on Ritalin for a time , and switched to dexadrine . I was urinating in my bedroom closet around age 7 . I was also stealing my friends ' toys . ADD was not the only possible contributing factor . My parents were going through a crazy divorce ( dad was cheating , both parents were constantly arguing … ) . After my parents got separated , mom started dating again . It was around this time the bedroom urinations started . When I was confronted , I blamed it on the burgler alarm that I had a fear of . It had went off twice at night during the same time period : our house was broken in to , and the other time I had set it off by mistake . Please look at ALL environmental factors when dealing with ADD / ADHD kids because this condition has been the scapegoat for numerous childhood problems that could be resolved without medication . Love your child ( ren ) . Listen to them . Do not be afraid to look within yourself when attempting to deal with your child 's problems ( you are their biggest influencer ) . Also , if going through something as stressful as a divorce , your children must come first . I am only speaking from my own experience . At my wits end … I 'm a single grandfather caring for my soon to be 14 year old grandson with ADD / ODD . He 's been urinating in his floor , on the carpet for at least 3 years off and on , maybe longer than I suspected . For the longest time the dog got the blame , however after replacing the carpet and the dog , I realized that the dog was not to blame , but my grandson , with full conviction , would deny that it was him or that there was even urine in the floor , even when confronted with physical evidence , denial and confrontation is the order of the day . I 've tried allowing him to leave multiple lights and / or the TV on at night as he has indicated at different times being afraid of the dark and or what might be behind a door … . but he still continues to urinate , my nerxt move as far as my home is to take up the carpet and leave bare concrete , but how do I help my grandson ? The best thing you can do is schedule an appointment with a behavioral therapist . There could be a myriad of reasons for this behavior , and your son my not be able to pinpoint the reason on his own . The right therapist can help immensely - make sure it 's someone with experience with adolescents though . Penny My 8 year old grandson has been doing this also , urinated in different places . I have two dogs , so I thought they were doing it . The first time I am aware of , is around christmas time . He urintated right on the carpet in front of his sisters bed . I thought it was the dog , but also it was a very large area , so I was thinking there is something wrong with one of my dogs . My grandaughter who is 7 told me her brother did it . I did not believe her . Next couple of times were in the living room , and two times right smack in the middle of the bathroom . This last time was right in the middle of the kitchen floor . I got up in the morning and there was a huge puddle . Again I thought my dogs were doing this , which would be strange , and it is always a huge amount . My grandaughter once again told me that her brother was doing it . I confronted him last week and at first he denied it . But finally he confessed . He says he doesn 't know why he has been doing it . I made him mop the kitchen and put him in time out . This is the most bizarre behavior I ever seen and when I googled it , I was so glad ( relieved ) to see that there were others who have experienced this with their ADHD child ! He sees a therapist and I sent her an email about this . My questions are : Why ? ? And should there be consequences ? Are kids doing this to be defiant ? Or is it something that is considered impulsive behavior ? I would love to know if anyone has found a therapist or therapy to help with this . My 11 - year - old has been stealing diapers ( from visitors with toddlers ) and sanitary napkins , then urinating in them and hiding them . I know life is stressful for him right now as he gets ready to transition to middle school and our family gets ready to move to a new house ( in the same town ) . He says he doesn 't know why he 's doing it , so I don 't know how to help him . Tonight I caught him googling " how to unpotty train yourself . " So I just found out that my GF who is 26yrs old has videos of her urinating her self while driving her truck , in the parking lot of a gas station , in her driveway . in some videos she is naked some she is fully dressed . what the hell is wrong with her ? ? My oldest child is 11 and has been diagnosed with adhd and learning disabilities since she was a little girl . Recently within the last 2 years she has been urinating on the floor in her bedroom . I found out , and she has been going to therapist and psychologist once a month and we have been discussing this , but we have not pin pointed what is going on . . It is really driving me crazy . It puts so much stress in the house hold along with all the other characteristic from being a adhd child . Lord have mercy the older they get the hardier it gets . More things are coming out . I am going to therapy myself , but I am at the end of my rope . Grateful to find this post . My 8 year old son has been exibiting this behavior since he was 4 yrs old off and on . I am relieved to see its not me . Hi , first time every on this . My son is 13yrs old , been probably using his rm for a bathroom per say for mayb about a month or so from what I can tell that 's when I finally caught on . I suffer from migraines and strong smells can trigger them , he has had issues all his life with nite time bathroom but here lately , I guess since his sleeping has gotten worst , he refuses to leave his rm at nite , which I was unaware of . My son was diagnosed with PDD - NOS , which is considered a very small form of autism . In very often cases you hear the phrase " I don 't know why " more times then I wish to admit . It is also a diagnosis that was given to my son after they realized he was not really ADD or just ADHD . Just something some people my want to look into when they are looking for answers for what 's going on with their kids , this may be another thing to look at and is often over looked . Good luck guys , on a side note . I am am also still actively working with a therapist and psychologist to make sure we are keeping this from happening , from my understanding , it 's not okay for them to do it but it can be treated I wanted to add one more extremely and very important thing that I constantly remind myself daily in my life with my son . You must always try to remind youself , this is not your fault nor is this always just about you but more about you as a family . What you feel you may be struggling with , your child is probably struggling with 10 times more , as they say " your child feels what you feel " . I also agree with ADHDmomma , the right therapist who knows how to hand these issues can make all the difference . Great advice . My son has been with his since 2009 & if it wasn 't for him , we would be so lost lol I have a 19 yr old daughter with ADHD . I actu have no sense of smell , but my husband always says her room smells bad when her door is open . We also have a dog , whose cage is in her room , and two cats each almost a year old . The cats used to pee in the house as young kittens , but that has become rare , and they 're not allowed in her room anyway . But every once in awhile I find a yellowed pee spot in her room and clean it up . I always thought it was the pets , but one night , I opened up the family iPad and saw a porn website in all about peeing in public , in the pants , indoors in inappropriate places , etc . my son doesn 't use the iPad because he has his own iPhone and laptop , so I know it was her . I 'm just saying this is a perspective to consider , especially being that many of you say your child says " I don 't know , " possibly because they are embarrassed . Even young children start experimenting with their bodies at as young as three years old , according to the Internet . ! @ Shashabb , I just discovered today my 8 yr old son peed in the mixing bowls under the cabinet ! I imagine it happened yesterday as we were not home the rest of the weekend . He has never done this , and we have a 1 bathroom apartment . I 'm going to gently ask him about it after school . Not sure what meds your son takes , but my son is on Intuniv , Concerta , and started Prozac about 7 weeks ago . He has ADHD with Impulse Control issues ; Sensory Processing ; Anxiety . I have an 8 year old son with ADHD and we are going through the same thing he started peeing in his bedroom about a year and a half ago and slowly it started happening all over our house . We tried going to counseling for awhile but that didn 't seem to help and now he not only pees on his bedroom floor but he poops as well . I 'm at my wits end and do not know what to do I take care of my 8 yr old grandson , he has not been diagnosed with any ADHD or any conditions . I 've spoken to his doctors n said a lot of kids do this until ages 13 - 14 yrs old . My jaw dropped , but with my children from what I remember my son was like 6 yrs old I didn 't remove pull up from him until he stop changing on his own . I had to stop n think if I had this issue with my kids but my mother reminded me , your kids use to change their own diapers 😁😕😏 , until they realized themselves this wasn 't normal . But because my grandkids is not my own , I feel he should know better . So I 'm going to try the pulls again , if he doesn 't like wearing them then he needs to get u at night n pee on his own . I understand the frustration regarding the smell n cleaning ups . Keep praying ! Grandma WTx … . just sharing Hello , I 've appreciated reading everyone 's posts - but don 't see any follow - up . What was the outcome after seeking therapy for your child ? My daughter is 13 years old , developmentally , however , she 's about 10 . Over the past 4 years or so I have caught her urinating in inappropriate places - unlike many of you here , my daughter is not urinating on the floor . The first time , she urinated in the register in the floor , the second time , she urinated in the bathtub ( and no , not while she was in there to shower or bathe ) , the third time , she took an old diaper I had in the bathroom , put it on - laid in bed and urinated in it ( this incident happened last year ) and finally , just last night , after everyone was in bed , I heard lots of movement coming from her room - when I opened the door , I found her bottomless and hiding something behind her back - after demanding that she show me what she had , she produced a Ziploc sandwich bag full of her pee . She had just peed in the sandwich bag ! I lost it - just like I had the year before . Her bathroom is right outside her door - when I pressed her for why she is doing this she just gives me a blank stare and says she doesn 't know and that she 's sorry . I couldn 't deal with it , I was too upset , so her stepdad spoke to her more about it - at that point she expressed that someone told her to do it , like she 's two different people and doesn 't want to be that person . The thing is , I don 't know if I believe that - maybe I don 't want to … First thing Monday I am reaching out to her doctor for an appointment with her phycologist or her physiatrist . But was hoping to find some peace of mind today . I 'm so bothered by this that I can 't even really speak to her today ( and I know , that 's my own problem - which I 'm trying to work through as well ) . * no change to medication in the last 10 years ( except maybe a couple of dose increases ) Copyright ( c ) 1998 - 2017 New Hope Media LLC . All rights reserved . Your use of this site is governed by our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy . ADDitude does not provide medical advice , diagnosis , or treatment . The material on this web site is provided for educational purposes only . See additional information . New Hope Media , 108 W . 39th Street , Suite 805 , New York , NY 10018
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May confirmed that she cant go . I ask Ricky , he cannot go anymore eitherI advertise on FB and find someone called MugeChris apologises for pulling out , he has a genuine reason as he has been offered a two - month stint in Sendai . I can understand that , and wish him well , but I cannot forgive the way he pulled out . I have been informed that he knew of this trip a couple of days before he pulled out on me , but refrained from telling me . He works for Ricky so is familiar with what is involved . I feel let down from what was a good friend , I de - friend him on Facebook . Yes its childish I know , but I have heard of several divorces and cracked friendships since the earthquake , people are really re - evaluating their lives , friendships , relationships . Lunch with YukoShe tells me of her friend , whose husband has gone crazy since the earthquake . At the time of the radiation scare , he took the family to Singapore . it was there that he told his wife that he would leave her . He is in love with a younger colleague and wants to make life count . A few weeks later he turns up on his wife 's doorstep . He tells her that he wants to die , he had read online that this can be achieved if you starve your body of water for five days . He wants to do this in their old spare room - she allows him in . . . Five days later he is still alive though , although not in the best of health . The Mother in law arrives and asks if he needs anything - he needs a pineapple . . . He also now loves his wife again and will drink water . . . . I really hope she leaves this nutter . I think that she is now just waiting for the cash that he has promised her & the kids . Apparently , he holds a senior position at an investment bank , and during his water starvation , he went to work every day , living a ' normal ' life ! Decided that I want to go back and do some more volunteering , so have decided to go on the evening of the 28th . Friday si a public holiday in Japan , so we can work on Friday and Saturday . Shoko will join and the guys I went with before are also kean . I will take two cars as there are so many people who have asked if they can join . As we left the volunteer centre yesterday , I had a medic tell me that I should get a tetanus jab as I had fallen over in the zone . At first , i took it with a ' pinch of salt ' as I was barely grazed . But on reflection , I learned how poisonous the zone actually is . The water not only contained dead bodies , but moreso , poisons from telegraph poles . Apparently the boxes that you see located high on one in every half a dozen telegraph poles contain highly toxic ingedients . The medic told me that I had four days to get a tetanus boost , and so I spent the morning searching for a local clinic that could save me - which thankfully I was successful in my search . I was lucky enough to be invited by a friend on a trip to Watari where we would be volunteering in the tsunami hit region of Sendai . I shared the driving and we left Tokyo after work , arriving in Sendai close to midnight , that did not stop us venturing out and finding a local bar , where we met & dransk with the locals until 2am . The following morning we drove to the volunteer centre , and on our short 20 minute journey , I caught my first glimpse of the disaster zone . From the expressway , suddenly the fields to our left were brown , littered with cars and ships , this was 4 - 5 kms inland ! On arrival , we registered , were given insurance and then assigned to a team , totalling ten people . Other than my friends , the team comprised Japanese men , a pilot & a policeman from the murder squad among them . I was impressed at how well organized the centre was , we were issued with thick gloves and steal soles to put in our boots to protect from glass and nails . Today 's task was to clean the garden of a house that had survived the tsunami . On reflection , it seemed nonsensicle that we were tidying someones garden , when there were so many other more needy victims . However , the owners family had already cleaned the house and i suppose they were now utilizing their alloted volunteers . As we drove into the zone itself , there was a strong miliatry presence , and we had to pass through several checkpoints , only allowed to pass through once confirmed that we were volunteers . The garden itself was littered with mud , grass and other debris . The owner told us that the water had only lasted 5 - 6 minutes before retreating to the sea , yet the damage was indescribable . No houses in the zone have any water or electricity . All drains are blocked , telegraph poles down , literally everything had been caked with mud . At lunch time we walked around taking photos , amazed at the sights that greated us on every turn of the head . Houses had been spun around , others up - ended , although many had disappeared altogether . Inside the houses painted a sorry picture ; it w10 April - hiking I went hiking in the countryside today , as a break from the City was needed . It was a hike that I had previously trecked , although i had forgotten how tough it was . I took Shoko with me and she wasnt prepared for the narrow paths aided with chains built into the rocks to prevent falling down sheer drops : ) That said , it was an enjoyable day out coupled with good exercise and beautiful scenery . We had another large aftershock yesterday which was a 7 . 1 ( same magnitude as Haiti , although it was offshore and deeper ) . I had had a few beers and was in a taxi on my way home . I was with Spencer and the car was stopped at the brow of a hill waiting at traffic lights ; when it started rocking back and forth . Spencer asked me ' what it was ' and I told him it was the driver 's poor clutch control , believing that to be the case . . . I guess the beer is stronger with radiation . . . . . Workers at Fukushima are pumping nitrogen gas into reactor 1 because there has been a large build of of hydrogen gas . With all the recent news focussing on No2 leaking into the sea , I had completely forgotten about No1 . . . . . Once that is fixed I guess we can start looking at 3 . . . . 4 . . . 5 . . . . 6The number of people known to have died in the earthquake and tsunami has now reached 12 , 494 , with another 15 , 107 still missing , according to police . Do they really expect to find any of the 15 , 107 alive ? I wonder at what point , we have to acknowledge the tragic size of the deceased . An immigration official says more than 161 , 000 foreigners have left Japan since the March 11 earthquake and tsunami that triggered an unfolding nuclear crisis . Taichi Iseki , an immigration official at Japan 's major airport , Narita , said Friday the number of foreigners flying out from March 11 to March 22 totaled 161 , 300 _ an eightfold increase from about 20 , 000 in the same period last year . The number of foreigners arriving at Narita from March 11 to 22 plunged 60 percent year - on - year to 33 , 400 . We partied in the park for hanami . it was really nice to catch up with many old faces . whilst we were there , we all felt a big earthquake , it was the first time that i have ever felt a quake when outside . Quite unnerving as the park packed with thousands of picnicers suddenly silenced . the quake was only a 5 , but was close by in Ibaraki . There are many events taking place where the proceeds go towards people of the Tokoku Region . Friday was an all night karaoke - session at Fiesta , - similar to English karaoke where punters watch / laugh at singers on a stage . The ' show ' was streamed online and Wesley got to see ' Uncle Jeremy ' being naughty dancing on the table Been chatting with Dan , who has been in Singapore since the 11th he asked me why I will be here when this is the current headline - I have to say , that I don 't know why I 'm here either . ' Seawater near Japan 's crippled nuclear reactors is said to have a much higher level of radioactive iodine than previously reported . Water near the Fukushima Daiichi plant 's reactor 1 contained radioactive iodine at 3 , 355 times the legal limit , Japan 's nuclear safety agency said . ' ' Trying to find the source of plutonium found in the ground ' - BBCI notice that often newsreaders first question is ' what is the worst case scenario ? ' Ate at a fancy restaurant with Shoko in Ginza , I think it 's only the second time that we have eaten in a restaurant since the 11th . Ginza is usually lively and full of neon , but due to the power outage , its dark and silent . The streets are empty , and the expensive restaurant was even offering free drinks to entice customers - we started with a 1982 champagne - that tasted more like port . Woke up early and headed to Ayase to assist in giving food to refugees . We were told that there were approx 300 refugees in the shelter , although I don 't think I saw that many . Maybe only half that ventured outside for the food . When I saw the first few refugees , I felt like crying , as for the first time , the images on TV were now real . These people were wearing what were probably the only clothes they had , and likely donated clothes too . There were appreciative and humble and just wanted to keep their heads down . There was a lot of media hovering around and that probably deterred many from venturing outside . The first people who came out just wanted to eat , but had TV cameras in their faces . I was interviewed and it was aired on TV on Sunday evening . I read that more than 200 , 000 people are living in temporary shelters Reply from my sister - think I made a typo in my family e - mail , I re - check - I asked them to look for Geiger c * nters ! I found water , only 500ml but at least its water , I try buying two bottles but am told I can only buy oneLunchtime I head to the British Embassy and get my emergency dose of potassium iodide , they also give me a dose for Shoko . I read the accompanying pamphlet at least 3 - 4 times . It clearly says ' take tablets as soon as you have finished reading this leaflet ' so I bosh them . I then get home and re - read the Govt website - it says to keep them as a precautionary measure and not to be taken now , uh - ohMail from Noel in England - just seen the headline ' Tokyo 's tap water now has more than twice the level of radiation considered safe for infants , according to the Associated Press . Meanwhile , black smoke was emerging from one of . . . ' Back to work and the boss isn 't in the office , I was told that he was in Singapore for one working day ; he will be back in Tokyo tonight . I wonder how much it cost to fly business class , stay in a hotel for four nights , and then work one day ( which is quiet as Japan is on holiday ) , sounds like a productive trip , a - great example to the team … The World Health Organisation says the food contamination in Japan is ' more serious ' than first expected . This comes after concerns that the radioactive particles have contaminated food and water supplies . None of the three kombinis that I ventured into earlier had any water , so I then tried stocking up on fruit juice . However , the assistant informed me that we are rationed to 5 bottles of fluid - I wonder if that includes shampoo ? I start research into Geiger counters and soon realize that they have sold out - globally ! The mass panic has caused people in America to freak out and now all Geiger counters have been sold . I see some on EBay going for 10 * the original price . I hastily send a mail to Mum , Dad and Lorna asking them to look out for such tools , in case a local merchant has one . Public holiday in Japan . On the plane , I am the only non - Japanese . I feel like I 'm walking the green mile . As I 'm filling in my arrival forms , an official walks over to me and questions me , asks me : why am I returning to Japan ; why didn 't I leave like all the other foreigners ? I then face the same questions again at customs , my bag is also searched for the first time ever - maybe I am trying to bring water into the country - he only found dirty boxers & a toothbrush . Due to return to Tokyo , I head out to the airport only to be told that my flight has been cancelled due to the earthquake . I couldn 't understand if they were referring to the big one , or just some aftershock . I now fly at 6am tmrwReceive a mail from my step - sister who informs me that the British Embassy is giving out potassium iodide pills , why are they doing that , and why haven 't they told me ? I registered with them , so they have my e - mail … . Official death toll is now at 8 , 450 with 12 , 931 missing . A typical stag party , we were out drinking until 6am . More of the same again Saturday night too . I catch up with a few old faces , many of the guys worked in Japan , but a fair % are now working in HK & Singapore . the picture is of our stag - AndyI did manage to get a nice cheap 2 hour massage though which was great , shame the masseuse spoke zero English British Govt has arranged for flights for British Nationals to fly to HKI head for Haneda airport as I have a stag party ( booked months previously ) . I feel like a traitor / deserter as I make my way to the airport . I ask the station attendant which platform my train is on , he looks at me , a foreigner going to the airport , I feel embarrassed . The plane is packed and I felt a group sense of relief as the plane took off . I arrive in Taipei , check in at the hotel , and head for a kombini before I even go to my room - I buy 4 bottles of water Woke up to read my emails and see that the British Embassy has told its citizens to evacuate . What has changed since last night ? I mail the office and tell them that I am going to take today off as a vacation ( as originally planned ) , I then mail Jenny asking her what is going on , then make a call to the Foreign Office . They inform me that the risk has not changed and that they are just advising that people should leave Japan if possible for logistical reasons , as there are anticipated food shortages and transportation problems . Jenny later phones me and says she was just as surprised when she heard the news ; she thinks it maybe a political move , also we have to be aligned with Australia & the US . The US has now chartered aircraft to help Americans leave Japan and authorized the voluntary departure of relatives of diplomatic staff . I decide to stay though , aslong as there is no threat to my health , I can 't leave Japan . I have discussed it with Shoko , she would lose her job if she left Japan , and she would also be leaving her family behind . The confirmed death toll has risen above 5 , 000Thursday evening I get a call from Jason - he just heard that my boss has just booked a flight to Singapore . I should have had a holiday today , but I decided to go to work instead . I don 't feel like snowboarding right now , besides , Ricky told me that the gondolas at Nozawa are damaged and that they had two avalanches . Radiation has leaked from the plant , though it is not clear from exactly where . Reactors 2 and 3 are thought to be the most likely candidates . In the evening we meet with Senior Management . It is nice that they spare the time for us , and we are finally informed that engineers have checked and confirmed that our building is safe . Tried to buy 2litre bottle of water , but it can 't be found anywhere , can only buy 500ml bottles . There 's increasing uncertainty about the radiation levels at the Fukushima nuclear power station in Japan , as what appears to be white smoke or steam , has been rising from the plant . The aftershocks are still huge , a few over 6 every day . I feel as though I am living on a ship and am constantly rockingI have a good reassuring conversation with my friend Jenny at the British Embassy . She is great , and reassures me that there is very little chance of any radiation threat . She had a pre - booked holiday to Australia but cancelled it , as she is needed in her job right now , and she has no fear about radiation in Tokyo . I feel good after our call and sleep well . Another day , more of the same , constant aftershocks and being scared watching CNN . I speak to more friends who are either already out of the country or have booked flights to get out of the country . Friends and family back home send me links and news items from a range of sources all conclude that Japan is going to have a nuclear problem , and that I should run whilst I can . I phone a travel agent to get an idea of prices ; I can still get a flight to the UK , although the price has doubled . Mailed the Embassy to inform them that I 'm safe & I updated my details on their websiteDrank beer and wine at lunchtime with two colleagues , and the discussion all centered on the same issue . I decided that I would be in Osaka by tonight , especially as so many people seem to be heading that way . After lunch I have a long chat with my boss , he asked me where his report was . I tell him that I 'm working on it but I am having trouble concentrating with what is going on , I ask him what the possibilities of working abroad are . He tells me that , if I leave and try to work offshore , there will be consequences , hastily adding that he is not threatening me . He then goes on and tells me that I would be like a front line soldier deserting the troops . He also likens it to a rat leaving a sinking ship , and says that I have a duty to the team , and lead by example . I tell my boss that the French embassy has recommended that its nationals leave Japan , to which he replies ' they are always the first to run ' , I tell him that I will leave Japan if my Embassy tells me to evacuate . Begrudgingly I walk back to my desk , the UK is now open and I receive more mails from friends and relatives abroad telling me to escape - I send out the same ' please don 't worry ' e - mails Back to work , and there are constant after - shocks , the building is swaying , the door swinging , and my Starbux Americano seems to have a whirlpool . But , I 'm pretty used to it , we all are now , and we just work - or try to . I am watching CNN most of the day which is making me age far faster than any potential radiation will do . The news varies every day , something new happens to one or more of the six nuclear reactors , we can only sit and watch and pray for the people working on the plant . There is a somber mood in the office , I 'm told that my boss departed at 16 : 30 on Friday without telling anybody , whilst other people could not get home and had to sleep in the office , it sounds as though the team have lost respect for him . I speak to more friends who are all anxious for their safety and they are leaving the country . It 's not until 19 ; 00 that we receive an email from the company acknowledging the earthquake , nothing to reassure us that the building is safe though . Today 's Iron Maiden concert cancelled , can 't say I 'm surprised , although I think it would feel good to sing ' Run to the Hills ' with a bunch of other metal heads right now . Watching the news & seeing the live tsunami is overwhelming , I don 't think a tsunami has been filmed live before , not one of this magnitude anyway . The footage shows boats crashing through streets and cars trying to flee the oncoming waters . You just hope that the crew , drivers & residents survive . To watch the footage and know that you are seeing people being killed is something that you put to the back of your mind - I 'm sure they escaped . The emergency cooling system is no longer functioning at the Fukushima No . 3 reactor , an official from Japan 's Nuclear and Industrial Safety Agency has told journalists . Feeling pretty null by the whole thing , spend most of the day watching BBC , and NHK . The contrast between the type of reporting is interesting . TV cameras capture a massive explosion at the power station , it 's unclear what caused the blast . When I first saw the news yesterday , the no of dead was 17 , and that increased before I went to bed , but now the number is in the hundreds . I receive a phone call from work , they want to check that I 'm safe and ask why I didn 't return to the office after the earth quake … where do I start ? Apparently the six ' I am safe ' e - mails that I replied to , and the registering ' I am safe ' website failed to register - great to know we have a solid BCP plan ! Shoko and I leave it late before we venture outside , the streets are dead as we head to the supermarket and the shelves are bare , no meat at all in the fridge , but there are vegetables and some water . Well no need to explain what happened at 14 : 46 , but I wasn 't in the office . Just like 7 / 7 2005 ( I was taking a sickie that day ) . This time , I was working , just having a late lunch in the area of Kanda close to my office . I was with Mieko and we were in a nice French restaurant when the quake struck . As usual , you ignore it at first , then as it gets bigger , everyone looks around at each other . No - one moved , but I knew this was bigger than anything that I had experienced before , and I was in an older building , so I got up and moved to the street . Outside it was chaos , people running and screaming in various directions , and women crying huddled together pointing at the swinging telegraph poles and noisy creaking buildings . By now Mieko was behind me and I suggested that we run to a more open space , she grabbed my hand and we ran through the mayhem , it was just like a Tom Cruise movie , running from danger but unsure where the destination was . We arrived at a main road that seemed to be wide enough to avoid debris should it come to that , and there we waited for 10 minutes until things died down , I tried to call Shoko but could not get through . We went back to the restaurant , paid for our food and started walking back to the office . We arrive outside the office ( 20storey building ) and there is a crowd of colleagues outside , many wearing the white helmets issued by the company , others donning the aluminum jackets that are also included in the earthquake kit ( that we all have underneath our desks ) . We exchanged some banter and discussed going back into the building , some people were talking about massive cracks that they had seen in the stairwells , I wasn 't too keen to go back inside . Then , a massive aftershock strikes , we are stood in a plaza surrounded by skyscrapers , that are really swaying . One has a few cranes on the top that are just flapping in the wind , if anyone is inside those cranes , they must be bricking it . The lower building to my right is visibly shaking from side to side as if it were alive and its makiHakuba I went to Hakuba for the second time this season , on thsi ocassion I used Tokyo Snow Club . Emiko shared a room with myself , Jody and the Earl , and I fear she saw too much testosterone , farting and AC / DC . We went to snow splash party in the evening and saw some great performances , particularly a Japanese ska band . The snow in Hakuba was not as great as recent weeks , but the beautiful scenery made up for that . Zao I havent ridden a ' big ' bike since I took my test probably 10 years ago . dan and I recently hired a couple of shadows to ' test the water ' and cruise around Tokyo . IT was so much fun that we extended the time period and are now planning a boyz bike - camping trip in the coming months . After watching a lot of the world cup recently , and therefore drinking more than usual , I decided to get out of Tokyo and do some exercise . I helped Ricky out as a hike guide on one of his climbing trips . Its the fourth time that I 've climbed it and i thought it would be relatively easy for me , but the conditions made it a real challenge . Eighty kmph winds along with constant heavy rain made it a miserable climb . My socks were squelching they were so wet & thermals soaked through - it was certainly a challenge . Its not been a great WC for England fans , especially when it required staying awake until 6am to watch a pathetic performance . That said , a merry group of friends watched most of the games together and remained in positive spirits at the start of every game . Overall I really enjoyed following this WC , I watched more games overall than previous WC 's and Im glad the winning team was one that hadn 't won before . I recently translated my drivers license to Japanese allowing me to drive in Japan . So I hired a nice yellow car and headed off for the countryside . I found myself in Sendagi and Matsushima . A truly beautiful place on the East coast packed with lots of small islands . The locals were friendly too , I managed to find a bar that was playing the Villa game and then got the entire population of the bar to support Villa , all in vain though as we lost . . . Ive lost many good friends since Ive lived in Tokyo , its all part of ex - pat lifestyle and something you get accustomed to . That said , we recently said goodbye to Kumar - who is one of the old - timers and one of only a handful Ive known since my arrival in Tokyo . Kumar has been my best friend here , always willing to help others , and never critical . He is moving on out of love and everyone wishes him well . Sayonara buddy Ive been to a lot of gigs this year , but AC / DC are a cut above everyone else . Considering their age and that they are often negatively perceived as ' heavy metal ' , its surprising how long they have lasted and can still sell out huge arenas . At the end of the day , they are just ' lock n loll ' - and experts at it . Ive done a lot of snowboarding this winter , with trips to Naeba , Myoko , Minakami , Zao and Hokkaido . One the whole , the snow has not been good and I have not enjoyed boarding so much . I also took a big fall in Zao , and 6 weeks on , I 'm still limping with my injuries , no damage just bruising . Whilst the boarding itself has not been " brilliant " , its always fun getting away with friends , and spending some time in the countryside . February saw the departure of a close friend Tatjana , more good friends are leaving in April with Kumar and Mikey Mike amongst them . With others also following , I have to now decide where my future lies . I celebrated my birthday with an impromptu party at my apartment , which had a good turnout of people , especially as many were only given a few hours notice . Winter Pics Later than expected I finally made it to England only to experience more cold weather , I was greatful to be in time for my Granny 's 90th birthday , where I caught up with family . New Year was spent chilling with Mum , Roy , Lorna and Wesley . I then headed West , and met Dad , we drove to Birmingham to watch an entertaining Villa beat Blackburn in the FA Cup . London and Hatfield were my next destinations , where I caught up with Dads side of the family , all in all clocking up 1 , 000 miles in the car and 19 , 500 air miles in total My Christmas adventure commenced in LA where I hooked up with Kayo . It was great to catch some sun , meet Kayo 's friends and do Xmas shopping . After a few days , we headed out to South Dakota to see Mt Rushmore and surrounding National Parks . The climates could not have been any more extreme as we moved from 23c to - 12c . We were due to fly back to LA on Xmas day , but winter blizzards caused the airport to close . Xmas day was spent in an empty hotel , at least the vending machines functioned . Luckily we caught the only flight on Boxing Day - thanks to a very determined Lady Pilot . Had that not flown , we would have been stuck in Rapid City for another week ! America Pics Congratulations to Martine & Rie - my third wedding this year and a very enjoyable one too . Martine was introduced to me when I first came to Tokyo by a mutual friend from the UK ( Daz the Spaz ) so we 've known each other for 4 years now . This wedding was real tear jerker , Rie looked lovely and the speeches were very emotional - especially from Martine 's Father . Kawaguchiko picturesA bunch of friends and I stayed at a lovely cottage near Mt Fuji for the weekend pursuing fresh air and relaxation . There were 13 of us in total so maybe relaxation wasn 't always going to take place , but it was certainly a fun weekend . Having hired bicycles we cruised through the local village & farmers market before embarking on a gentle ride around the lake . On return to the cottage , the owners served us steak followed by beer and snacks whilst we rested in the outdoor jacuzzi . The following day , our bodies were tested again as we hired canoes and ventured around the lake . That was followed by a couple of hours on quad bikes . It was my first taste of quad biking and I LOVED it . So much fun was to be had as we scrambled up and down hills . I was a bit over - eager at one point , I took a sharp corner too fast , my bike didn 't turn and decided to go straight over the edge and head down the mountain which was at least 60 - 70degrees . Survival instincts told me to jump and catch the nearest tree - which I did , and luckily the bike didnt go more than a few meters further solo . Where has the last year gone ! ! ! ! It wasn 't that long ago that I was looking for bras and accessories . This year the costume was a bit more masculine . Emiko did a great job making Musketeer costumes for herself , Kumar and me . There were many great costumes and maybe the economic climate caused people to be more creative and make their costumes this year . Congratulations to Naomi and Chris who wed on Saturday . Naomi entered the room in true style to ' Always ' by Bon Jovi . Naomi is one a few people remaining who was around when I first came to Tokyo . She first met Chris on a Niijima trip , although their romance did not k / o until 18months later . It was my first wedding in Tokyo and a good chance for me to catch up with friends who I haven 't seen in 3 years . All had a wonderful evening , especially Masae who caught the bouquet . A bunch of us recently hired a car and hit Yamanashi prefecture to check out the local grape . Japan is not renowned for its wine and maybe I should have reminded myself of that fact before wine - tasting . I tried a good 20 + wines - all were disgusting . I didn 't see a single person purchase any wine throughout the tasting session . After lunch we went grape picking . Under the local farmers guidance we chose the grapes we liked and could pick as many bunches as we liked . We then returned to the seating area where we had an hour to munch through what our pickings , any surplus would need to be purchased . Naturally we had all been a tad greedy when picking the grapes and were in a spot of bother forcing as many grapes down as possible .
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After one day of a perfect calm surface for swimming , choppy waves flared up at my favorite beach in Lake Michigan again this morning . I measured the length and strength of the waves with my eyes when I arrived at the beach and decided to give it a try . After all , I was already there . It was not the first time I toyed with the waves . Last week , three out of the seven days I encountered choppy water , though didn 't feel threatened ( I did go to a more sheltered beach to swim one day . ) I knew and fully respect the formidable power of the Lake and swam closer to shore . I was prepared to reach land with one strong kick if I got chocked with a strong tide . While I concentrated on my strokes and speed during calm days , I focused on the ups and downs of the waves in times like this . Occasionally I 'd swallowed a mouthful of murky water . However , if I stayed calm - not let the fear of being crushed by a sudden wave overwhelm me , I could maneuver my way quite well . I chickened out by turning back half way across the beach area . With a buffer from an infrastructure on one end , the waves at the north half of the beach appeared less choppy . I did four half rounds , conscious of the power of water trashing me up and down . I changed to breaststroke from time to time to get a better bearing of my location . As if to make matters worse , I noticed a couple of seagulls looming above , sometimes hanging dangerously low over me as if ready to attach me as their prey . Through my blurred goggles I could see their opened beaks . I turned to freestyle and made huge arm swings in an effort to keep them off . I managed to do a total of 45 minutes . As I was riding my bike home on the sidewalk by Columbus Ave . , I encounter a family of bikers coming my way . I moved to the right side and slowed down . A little girl , probably about 5 or 6 , was riding beautifully in a straight line before she saw me . She panicked and zigzagged toward me when she found me moving toward her direction . I had to brake hard and jump off my bike to avoid her . I waved to calm her as she waggled by . I knew it was the same sense of fear that made her lose balance . I had swum in more choppy waves in the Lake before . I was careful but not so fearful . Today I returned feeling somewhat defeated because I allowed that fear to dictate me . Biking always starts earlier . This year , I was out on the trail since late April when the air was still chilly and patches of snow were still blocking some segments of the trail . In less than a month , I watched the trees turn color , the leaves emerge , and all of a sudden , the budding flowers cover the entire trees with brilliant yellow , red , white , or pink . The long trail was filled with a sweet , intoxicating fragrance . Depending on the weather , I either rode my Trek hybrid , which has thicker tires , or my Cannondale road bike , light and fast . I started noticing swimmers with wetsuits in the Lake in early June , at a stretch between Grand and Chicago Avenue . Despite the extra protection , I bet their exposed limbs and face would feel the bite of the icy water , like being stung by jellyfish . I admired and envied them , but stayed away . Then one day in mid June , I saw two men swimming in their regular swim trunks . " Yeah ! " I hailed as I sped by on my bike . I didn 't plunge in until late June . To my pleasant surprise , the water was not as cold as I expected , and I was able to swim for 45 minutes . I felt like kicking myself for not getting into the water earlier . But the warm water didn 't stay for long . The next day when I went back , I felt the change of temperature the moment I stepped in . It must be below 60 degrees . I managed to swim for 30 minutes and rushed back to take a long , hot shower . But I went to swim in the lake every day , enjoying the amazing energy the live water was able to give me . It is definitely worth the challenge of the cold . For those of you who haven 't tried swimming in the lake , I strongly recommend taking a plunge . It 's magically refreshing and energizing . I hope you 'll love the experience as much as I . So blessed to have the vast lake nearby . One experience in Lake Michigan back in 2007 when I was doing a writer 's residency at Ragdale in Lake Forest shunned me away from the lake until recently . I remember joining a couple of fellow writers to swim in lake . It was a hot summer . During the July 4th weekend when I was there , temperature reached 91 degrees . I was taken by surprise by the icy cold water . I kicked and pushed as hard as I could but couldn 't stop shivering . I ran out of the lake in less than 20 minutes and never ventured back again . A friend of mine recently told me how much he enjoyed an early morning swim in the lake , saying the water was warm . A lover of outdoor activities , I decided to give it another try . How glad I was when I realized what he said was true : the water was warm and nice . More , the lake water seems to have so much more vigor and life that I felt energized ten times more compared to my swimming in the heated pool of my building . I was immediately hooked and went back to the lake the next day and the next . I was lucky that my first couple of days in the lake the water was calm and warm . On my third day , the lake turned choppy , but I managed doing my route , finding it challenging but fun . I got bolder and dived into the lake the following day when a stronger wind created waves in the water . I got disoriented twice and felt as if I was rocking with waves the rest of the day when I was working at my desk . I got a taste of the power of the lake . Since then , when I ride my bike first thing in the morning along the trail , I begin to pay attention to the movement of the water in the lake . The peaceful ripples feel like an invitation to the lake , and the choppy churning , a warning . When waves push one after another until they crash forcefully on the shore , I know better not to step into the water . It takes a lot more concentration and strength swimming in the lake . I 've learned to flow with the waves , cautious and sometimes a little fearful ; I 've learned to appreciate the calmness when I can do backstroke ; and I 've learned not to panic when I chock on a gush of water . Wearing a pair of goggles , I look down deep into the lake . On a day when the water is clear , I can see long stretching plants wavering in certain areas , and when the water murky , I sense the mystery and power underneath . Because I swim early in the morning , long before the lifeguard comes on duty , I 'm always alert and welcome the sighting of another swimmer in the water or any jogger or cyclist on shore . A guy by the name of Frank has become a familiar sight , but he swims way out at the edge of the circled swim area . I also get to know a gentleman named Larry , who , on a wavy day , volunteered as my lifeguard . There is a fisherman standing on the edge of a concrete platform every day . From a distance , he looks like a statue against the rising run , but provides me with a level of comfort nevertheless . To touch the water , feel the power of the lake , and be energized by it certainly give me another perspective on the lake and a deeper level of appreciation and awe for it . Try swimming in the lake if you haven 't done so . You , like me , will realize what you have missed and will enjoy the wonder that the mighty lake provides . I ventured out to swim in the choppy water of Lake Michigan yesterday morning after a few minutes of hesitation . The wind was a bit strong , and the water , wavy and murky . When it crashed onto shore , white foam erupted and then receded , until the next wave hit again . As I stood there trying to make a decision , I saw the strong swimmer came out of the water . He said he did one loop and was exhausted . He usually does four . The sun was shining brightly despite the wind and the water was warm . A strong wave nearly knocked me down as I stepped into the lake . But I forged forward . As I fought my way in the choppy water , I realized that Larry 's figure on shore became a source of security and comfort as I glanced toward shore to get my bearing of location from time to time . I must say that despite the high alertness of my mind to the potential danger , I enjoyed the adventure and challenge . Instead of free style , I did breaststroke most of the time so as to flow with the rising waves . For a while , I noticed Larry standing up and shielding one arm against the sun facing the lake . It reminded me of my bike rides along the lakefront trail . Many times fast bikers would give a warning shout passing from the left . Instead of the usual " On your left , " some would say " Good morning , " or " Thank you " instead , generating a totally different feeling . A glorious sunrise started this July 4th with the beauty of serenity . I looked at the golden beam in the sky above Lake Michigan and watched the American flag by the Field Museum - my indicator of the day 's weather by its waving in the air . It stood almost still early this morning , with a poise that was touching and peaceful . I took it as a beckoning to get to the lakefront trail and celebrate this special day starting with a bike ride . There were people cycling , jogging and walking on the trail , and right behind the Field Museum , a variety of flowers in purple , yellow , pink , and red filled the air with a sweet fragrance and a vibration of life . I slowed down , taking in the smell and color . I remember the new meaning of the American flag to me right after 9 / 11 . I was in Boston on a business trip when the attacks happened . With all the airports shut down , I rented a car and drove back to Chicago from Boston . What touched me most was the waving of American flags in front of so many residential and commercial buildings . That sense of defiance and patriotism were so deep and genuine that it put tears into my tears and made me feel proud to be part of this great country . I came back from a trip to New York City last Friday and was prepared to spend the night in my new loft office , which is near a Blue Line subway station in the city . But the tranquility on the train eased my worries and I changed my mind and got on to a south bound Red Line train at Grand / Lake and walked on to Roosevelt Ave . , where the road was supposed to blocked . It was right after 10 p . m . , and I was surprised that , despite the heavy presence of police , the traffic was moving as usual . I got home without any problem . Next day at about 5 p . m . , the curiosity of a writer got over me . Against my husband Francis ' objection ( coming all the way from China via Skype ) , I rode my bike out along the lakefront trail , armed with a camera . Overnight , all the barricades were up - concretes blocks , metal fences , and surprisingly , a long line of heavy - duty snowplows - stretched from Roosevelt Ave . all the way to the trails in Museum Campus and the Lake Michigan . It looked like a war zone ! It was a beautiful day , but the usually packed lakefront trail had few people . I had to carry my bike to a lower level by the lake to pass the snowplows that blocked not only Balbo St . , Columbus Dr . and Lake Shore Dr . , but also the trails and the lawn ! As I continued north , however , more people appeared . The further I went , the more scenes of normal life in sight , with young people playing soccer , families relaxing by the beach , and pedestrians / joggers / bikers moving along the trail . I breathed a sign of relief and rode much further north than I intended . I jogged along the same trail early Sunday morning . Besides the ugly roadblocks and the presence of more police , everything appeared peaceful . I ventured out of the lakefront trail and came up to the street at Michigan Ave . and Wacker Drive . There were more people walking in black coats in the street than regular pedestrians , and groups of policemen were at many cross sections , mostly chatting among themselves . When I passed the Art Institute of Chicago where Obama was to host a dinner that evening , I saw more people , some wearing T - shirts with " Peace " printed in the front or back . I recalled that during the day , I saw two tourists approach a group of police with a map in their hands . A policeman raised his hand with a gesture of " stop . " The two women froze in shock , only to see the armed policeman broke into a smile and beckoned them to come forward . They laughed and proceeded to ask for directions . I was impressed by the humor and warmth demonstrated by both sides . As the news continued on TV , I suddenly heard the fainted humming of traffic from Columbus and Lake Shore Drive . I looked out from the window and saw all the roads were open . Opening the sliding door , I let the sound of the traffic came through . For the first time , it sounded like music to my ears . I looked out of my apartment window early this morning , and was touched by the rising sun , with golden beams coming through a thin layer of scattered clouds . All the trees , in deep green , stood still , and the gusting wind that had swept the city of Chicago every day last week suddenly halted . It looked so beautiful and peaceful along the shore of Lake Michigan . I clearly remember this day ten years ago . I had arrived at Boston from Chicago for a business trip the night before . A colleague was supposed to pick me up at 9 A . M . at my hotel . My phone rang shortly before 9 . A friend from New Jersey urgently asked me to turn on the TV . " A plane hit World Trade Center ! " I had worked in Manhattan for fives years before moving to Chicago . I had been to the World Trade Center numerous times and my neighbor downstairs owns a restaurant there . I turned on the TV and saw the dark smoke rising from one building . I felt the tremor through my body . As the time passed by the seconds and minutes that day , we learned two planes crashed had originated from the Boston Logan Airport . The city was in alert and the financial district and many businesses were closed . The city announced free subway rides to help people get home … . My colleague and I were grounded and ended up being glued to the TV most of the day . The day journey was the longest drive I had by myself . I kept my window down , longing to hear the familiar sound of a plane in the sky . I got off the highway from time to time , driving through some local neighborhoods to calm down , to observe people 's life and to ponder what had happened . It was then I noticed so many American flags waving in the wind on top of government and commercial buildings , and in front of residential houses . I was in tears . I had been living in the U . S . for 15 years at the time and had become an American citizen . But it was then , in the face of the attack and the display of defiance and patriotism by Americans that I strongly identified myself with America . Jian Ping , author of Mulberry Child : A Memoir of China . Visit www . mulberrychild . com , www . moraquest . com . Mulberry Child has been turned into a feature - length documentary film by award - winning director Susan Morgan Cooper and will be released in 2011 . Spring finally arrives in Chicago , with a sudden leap in temperature from the 50s of yesterday to the mid 80 degrees today . I 've been waiting for the weather to turn warm and ride my bike again along the lake front trail for months . Finally my chance came this morning , the first ride of the year ! At the 6 : 30 a . m . , the sun was rising from behind a thin layer of clouds . The rain from yesterday left the trail wet , but without puddles of water . It was perfect for a bike ride . Since last October when I scratched a thick layer of skin and flesh off my left knee from a bad bike fall ( not to mention ripping off a patch of fabric , the size of my palm , from my favorite pair of jeans ) , I haven 't ridden my bike . Today , with the large scar still appearing raw , I was cautious and comprehensive of the trail . My slower speed gave me more leisure to enjoy the scene . Lake Michigan was calm this morning , with ripples of water gently rolling toward the shore . The lawn was turning green along the Lake , and the fruit trees , with dried small berries from last year still hanging on the branches , are budding with tender greens . The large elm or poplar trees still looked dormant , their bare branches revealing the bird nests , some large and some small , in mid air . Only the daffodils stretched out their broad leaves upward , with a bright yellow bloom in the center of each plant , proudly announcing the coming of spring . There were a few runners and cyclists along the trail . In the distance closer to the Lake , I saw a couple of people walking their dogs . I passed the two mulberry trees at the park at 53rd street , my mulberry trees , and waved to them for their survival of another cold winter . Just them , two professionally dressed cyclists passed me , shouting " On your left . " I didn 't race to keep pace with them , at least for a minute or two , like I used to . I watched them speeding ahead . Their shorts and tops hugged their bodies tightly , revealing their slim torsos . The perspiration on their legs glistened under the rising sun . They looked so fit and healthy . I saluted to them silently before they sprang out of my sight . I 've been riding my bike along the Michigan lakefront trail from Museum Park by Roosevelt to the 63rd Street Park since early spring . It 's a beautiful route : starting by the Field Museum , going around Shedd Aquarium , passing behind the McCormick Place … . The trail extends for miles and miles . On the east side is the vast body of water , like an ocean , reaching into horizon . Its color turns blue , green or gray depending on the time of the day and the weather . It 's never the same . On the immediate west : trees , grass , and flowers , and then the stream of cars , buzzing on Lakeshore Drive . The scene is never the same either . I hit the trail two or three times a week , marveling at the ever changing sights and enjoying the view . Magnificent ! Last Thursday , I got on the trail later than usual and stopped at the park close to 53rd street . As I put my bike beside a bench and stretched before turning back , I noticed purple spots of stains on the paved trail . My heart skipped a beat . I looked up and could hardly believe my eyes : a huge mulberry tree arching over me , beckoning in the breeze . Only a few berries were left on the branches , which explained the stains on the ground . I looked around and found another one next to it , and then , across from the trail , yet another one . For some reason , this mulberry tree was the only one still being covered with large , dark berries ! I was thrilled . I couldn 't believe I had missed them all this time . I went back with my camera the next day in mid afternoon when the sun was shining . The golden beam made the dark green leaves and purple berries sparkle in midair . I touched them , gently and carefully , thinking of the five mulberry trees of my childhood . These trees were much larger and healthier . As I took photos from different angles , my mind was racing with childhood memories and my mouth watering for these lustrous berries . I was overwhelmed with joy and excitement . It 's another beautiful spring day in Chicago . Instead of working out at the small gym in the condo building , I pumped up the deflated tires of my bike that had been collecting dust all winter and hit the trail along the lake . Many people were out there early this Sunday morning . Cyclists dressed in smart biking uniforms whisked by , and others in bulky jackets and long pants pedaled their bikes with leisure , and walkers and joggers dotted the trail at their own pace . I used to secretly race with the cyclists . When I heard their shout " On your left , " I 'd gather all my energy and follow them as soon as they were ahead of me . Despite my desperate push , however , they 'd spring forward , leaving me puffing and blowing far behind in a matter of minutes . I 'd watch them disappear with envy , until the next shout came along . Today , I didn 't race with anyone . I was busy taking in everything in sight : the golden sunshine casting on the bare tree branches , the ducks swimming and diving not far from the shore , a single middle - aged man fishing on the concrete platform , and the different color of the lake water each time I cast my eyes on it . I felt the vibration of life and the start of spring . I remember Joyce Carol Oates once answered a reader 's question at a talk about her writing process . She said she was a jogger and the best time for her to muse was when she was jogging . " I never listen to music when I jog , " she said . " It 's the best time for me to think . " Her words left a lasting impression on me . Today , I left behind my iPod and gave all my attention to the scenes and the thoughts - I 've started working on the next book , with my daughter Lisa together . We want to examine her growing up in the US - the conflicts between a mother and daughter and the Oriental and Western cultures . Could we really dig into issues that set us on the opposite side of arguments ? Or would it stir up our past frustration and push us further apart ? What kind of role did I play in her most formative years , despite my best Search for :
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I am American . We are all Americans . The year is 1942 . A Japanese - American girl 's life is turned upside down by Executive Order 9066 , and she must cope with a life confined to the barbed wire of an internment camp in the Arizona desert . There , she struggles to weigh her continued loyalty to her country ( which has betrayed and ostracized everyone she loves ) against a closely guarded family secret that could change the course of history . Uncle Mamoru told us to burn everything from home . It was never a home that I knew , so I suppose I didn 't mind so much . The few things I had - a book of poetry my father brought back from Yokohama when I was eight , a paper fan painted with cherry trees , a tiny porcelain cat with one paw raised - I wouldn 't have taken with me anyway . I never even understood as much of the poetry as I said I did to make Father happy . They took him and Pastor Katagawa and the editor of the community newsletter to a camp in New Mexico six weeks ago . He writes to us once a month about the weather . Grandmother has much to burn . Her own books of poetry go into the woodstove first . Its heat pours wastefully into the balmy Los Angeles December . Next into the hungry flames go stacks of letters bound with twine . Some , etched with delicate characters rendered by a child 's hand , she used to teach me hiragana many years ago . Her spotted hands hesitate over the last packet of letters . A drop of sweat from the fire 's heat courses down a path carved by others across her cheek . The dark characters on aged yellow paper could only be letters from my grandfather . The edge of a brittle photograph , their first introduction , peeks out from a thick envelope . Her face is tranquil . The flames reach out from the stove , searching , angry , and her tired eyes lift , reflecting orange light . " Shh , shh , " she soothes , and raises one palm , flat and dry like paper , toward them . She breathes deeply , her thin chest rising and falling . The flames are soothed , and settle back into their metal house . For a few more moments she just breathes , urging still , still . At last she throws her younger self into the stove and quickly picks up another item , casting it in after , as if to bury the memory of the last . But the next object , a box of hanafuda cards , stops her again . She extracts a small card from the carved container and tucks it into her belt without looking at it . The tendons in her hand are tight like the claws of a sparrow clenched around a morsel of bread . Then the box follows the letters , which are already blackened throughout and quickly melting to ash . I have whittled my doll collection down to two . The one in my right hand I know I should keep , but the one in my left I love . Her blue - printed cotton dress , picked from a catalog to match her eyes , cost me three months of pennies earned by watering Mrs . Sakagawara 's small vegetable garden . I 'm getting too big for dolls , but Natsu isn 't , so I will take one for her . " Take that one ; it has such beautiful hair , " she says in Japanese - totemo kirei desu - pointing to the long raven tresses of the right - hand doll . I wait until she has shuffled out of the kitchen to drop the doll into the donation box . She will goto the Salvation Army , though with her brown eyes and skin , even the poor girls will not want her now . " You go on and go home to your mothers ! " Valerie shrieks . She picks up the rock that has just skidded by my foot and hurls it back at the Williams boys . " Go on , get out of here ! Go sign up if you want to kill Japs ! " Valerie can do this because Irish girls have a fighting spirit , or so she says . I saw her father scold her once for kicking one of the Hatchfield boys , but she did not listen . I think she is magnificent . " They 're a bunch of trash , " Joe says loudly . " They voted you Head of Hospitality for the class ship last month like everybody else . They 're just hateful because they can get away with it . " The fervor in his voice makes my stomach go watery . " It 's damn hypocrisy , " Joe swears , the set of his jaw daring us to reprimand him for cursing . " Bob Williams is all bought into it because of his union . My dad says they 've been stirring up this bunk since ' 23 . " " My cousin tried to sign up with the army , " I offer - or , rather , it escapes from me - " but they wouldn 't take him . " Ben , my tall , strong cousin who used to carry me on his shoulders . The memory of his stony face streaked with tears that his eyes would not admit were there fills me with an uncontrollable ache , like falling . My hands grow hot and red , but before I can " shh , shh " them , I feel Joe 's eyes on me , and the heat goes to my cheeks . Silence lands between the three of us , and then Valerie says , " I 'll leave you two to it . " Her saucy wink makes me smile in spite of myself , like it 's meant to . She gives me a hug , so tight that I can 't breathe , but it 's something else that stings my eyes with sudden water . She is also blinking when she finally pulls away , but her smile is big and Irish , and I love her so much it lands on me like the world . " We 'll see you back here soon , " he promises , but I see the way he looks after Valerie , not yet out of sight . I don 't blame him . " We 'll write , me and Valerie at least . I 'll make sure . " My cheeks have cooled down , the strange , vivid heat dying away , and my gumption with it . Joe looks like he wants to say something else , but I say a goodbye that isn 't goodbye and turn off down the street in a hurry . After three steps I stop , instinctively feeling like my hands are too empty , then remembering that there 's no reason to bring home schoolbooks . At the edge of town , the paved road turns to dirt , and the sun blasts down upon my shoulders . It isn 't full summer sun yet , but it 's hot enough that I 'm sweating after the first mile , halfway home . Usually Uncle Mamoru can pick me up from the dirt road , but now there is too much to do . I wonder how much hotter the sun in Arizona will be - I have never seen a desert . Even though I 'm sweating , I want the sun to pour into me , flood through my arms and face , burn away everything . Maybe I will burn to nothing . Maybe I will become a skeleton walking down the dry road and everything will just be sun and dirt and horizon . " We 're charged with wanting to get rid of the Japs for selfish reasons . . . . We do . It 's a question of whether the white man lives on the Pacific Coast or the brown man . . . . If all the Japs were removed tomorrow , we ' dnever miss them in two weeks , because the white farmers can take over and produce everything the Jap grows . And we do not want them back when the war ends , either . " Ben toils for his parents under the sun , bringing in more bushels for the neighbors to pick over . Two weeks ago , before the evacuation order , the Shimata Farm 's bank account was frozen , so there 's no use selling the early harvest . The berries move like the arms of fireworks through the neighboring farm communities , like a last fleeting wish for goodwill that burns out fast and confused . As he sets down the last bushel , Ben shakes sweat out of his short - cropped hair , brushes it back with a muscular hand . Grandmother compliments the strawberries , and Ben gives her a double handful from the top of the bushel with a respectful bow and a smile . She bites one , pausing to exclaim over its flavor , and finishes it slowly , savoring it . Ben 's thoughts are written in his intelligent eyes . I know them from my own . He watches my grandmother , scrutinizing , as if to ask : What is it that is so dangerous about these people ? Where did we come from , to be so tainted ? What is so poisonous about this place we never knew ? Aren 't we American ? Grandmother was born in a fishing village north of Shizuoka . Even some of our neighbors think that she 's a foreign national , but she got her citizenship in 1923 , right before they passed the Oriental Exclusion Act . Two years ago , they made her report to the town hall . She came back with her fingertips black from the Custodial Detention Index . Days after the ink was gone , she would rub her hands against her woolen housecoat when she thought no one was looking . Atop Grandmother 's pile is a photograph of my mother , taken just a couple of months before she died giving birth to what would have been my little brother . Boys , Grandmother says , have never had good luck in the Sugawa family . Too much fire in them . Too much anger . My brother burned up my mother before he was even born . " Onee - san . " Natsu appears in the hallway - well , I call her Natsu , before remembering to call her Natalie . She staggers into the entryway , laboring under the weight of a large brown teddy bear . " You can 't take that , Natsu . It 's too big , " I tell her , and lift it from her arms . She flails after it , and I scoop her up in my other arm and balance her against my hip . She 's almost too big to do this anymore , but being picked up calms her down . " Too big . See ? " I use the bear 's paw to point at the size of the existing piles . Her face screws up with frustration , growing pink with heat , but loosens when I hand the bear back to her . I set her down so she can toddle back into our room . Grandmother has heard me come in and calls something from the back room about dinner preparations . I yell that I 'm going to take a bath . After checking that Natsu is well occupied with her remaining toys , I go out the side door and cross the yard to the bathhouse . My clothes are stiff with sweat in places and still smell of strawberries in others . I almost drop them into the laundry basket , then remember to set them aside instead . The furnace is already stoked and the wood - slatted floor is wet from an earlier bath . A few yanks on the stiff spigot start hot water flowing into the large wooden tub . While it fills , I dump several ladlefuls over my head . Our soap smells of English flowers - Pears Soap all the way from England , one of Grandmother 's few indulgences - and the familiar scent fills the bathhouse as I scrub down . The tub is almost halfway full . More ladles of hot water send streams of soap rushing off my body , little rivers disappearing beneath the floor slats . Something in me pulls loose with them - a thousand worries coursing down and vanishing somewhere unknown . Steam curls off of the still surface of the tub 's water after I twist the spigot shut . Heat folds itself around me as I step in and settle myself down onto the bottom , soft little waves lapping at my shoulders . Wrapped in the embrace of the water 's heat and the heady smell of the aged wood , with only the darkness and an occasional calm chirp of a cricket outside , it 's as if - for this one moment - nothing is actually wrong . My skin burns first . It starts low , under the water , but then it 's rushing up into my face , down to my hands . I thrash in the water , trying to shake it out , but there 's nowhere for it to go . My palms , under the water , are red as ripe tomatoes , strawberry red , blood red . Everything is dark for a split second . Then Grandmother is there , wrapping me in a towel . Night air streams in from the furnace wall , where there is no furnace . My skin is still aflame , stinging wherever the soft cloth touches it . The rows of faces on the train bleed into one another : dark hair and small , worried eyes that stare into nowhere . I have never seen so many Japanese in one place before . At home there was one other Japanese girl in my class , Martha Taniguchi . Her father was a dentist who drove her to school in a Ford Super Deluxe . They lived in town in a nice house , further from my life than Joe or Valerie . But now , because of our last names , we are the same . A voice from up the aisle , an old woman scolding in Japanese . I assume it is my grandmother ; I straighten up before realizing it is not - the third time this has happened just this morning . A boy Natsu 's age is crying about having left his new umbrella at home . The other children mostly leave me alone - my burns have healed , but left scars in misshapen stripes - so the ride is otherwise quiet . Natsu stares , riveted , out the window , looking for Red Indians or wild horses . It is more country than we have ever seen . They are taking us to a place called Gila River , Arizona . I am grateful that the thought of horses , for a time , has made her forget Shinji the teddy bear . Now it is July and the summer is deep . The air itself feels like water , so heavy with sun , soaking our barbed - wire village , but it tastes of dust and dry sorrow . At night we shake out our blankets , checking for scorpions . The boys , Ben among them , set up demonstrations in the public square , marching with the American flag to show their loyalty . Each day is like the other . A young woman who had been studying to be a pharmacist is tasked with setting up the elementary school . Later they bring in a woman from the outside to teach . The camp takes shape around us . Someone brings in a newspaper from Phoenix reporting that the Gila River War Relocation Center is the fifth largest city in Arizona . Poston , the other Arizona camp , is the third . There are so many things to do , problems to solve , that it 's easy to forget what things were like at home . In the beginning I think of Joe and Valerie often . They do write , like they promised , but their letters become harder to answer as our lives drift apart like continents . I don 't really know what home is anymore . At first , with the water shortages and the rattlesnakes , we were just grateful when we got to move from one of the ironing rooms to real barracks . Our address is Block B - 4 , Butte Camp , Rivers , AZ . The farms that we left behind in California now live again in Gila River , converted from some of the Indians ' alfalfa fields . We have cattle and chickens and cucumbers , surviving on once - stubborn loam , baking in the desert . Uncle Mamoru 's strawberries are from another life , from a dream . This is waking . The war 's getting worse , heating up , which was why they made the four - four - two in the first place . But we 're proud of them anyway , proud as hell . Ben and his friends give us a reason to stand up straight again , to pick cucumbers and sing in the Thanksgiving talent show and ride the produce truck into Phoenix with a day pass . The stories of their heroism are a priceless gift , and as long as we don 't think of home , at least there is the quiet affirmation that we are what we claimed . A hope that maybe they will believe us now . I 'm sorting castor beans into wooden crates when Yukio , my new friend from school , runs in , knocking right into my table . A scolding command to watch out dies on my lips when I see her stricken expression . What comes out of her mouth is a terrible sound that echoes in my head long after it is gone , echoes even after her anguished shout : " They got Ben ! " The handful of beans falls from my hands , which start burning , and suddenly won 't work . It comes upon me faster this time , and I can 't stop it . The thunderclap is louder than before , the light brighter , and the destruction wider than a water heater - but smaller , far smaller , than it could be , than the fire inside me could demand . The flash of heat on my skin is worse , too : white blisters bubble up along my arms just before everything goes dark . There is only enough room for a few stray regrets . The wooden walls of the room slowly come into focus , along with a face - a girl , young and pretty , her hair red like a sunset . The sight of her pale skin and eyes sends a pulse of shock through me . For a moment I 'm quite sure that I am dead , but then I remember there isn 't supposed to be pain after death . A tall , thin man in a loose - fitting wool suit approaches the cot , and I lift my head just a little . A cigarette dangles from his right hand , leaving a ribbon of smoke as he walks . There is another man , uniformed , very official , in the back of the room , and a third , clearly his assistant , beside him with a clipboard . I have never seen so many hakujin in one room at Gila River before . The assistant says something I can 't quite hear and the second man shakes his head vehemently . As the man with the cigarette comes closer , I can make out his face : dark circles , and his suit is too big for him not because it is poorly made , but because he is thin , hollow - cheeked - almost a ghost . He kneels by the cot . His face reminds me of the canyons we saw from the train when the windows weren 't blocked . He looks at the uniformed man as if expecting him to say something , then back at me . The cigarette flies , as if of its own volition , to his pursed lips , and he takes a long drag ; the sudden , brilliant bloom of its ember stirs my aching veins . The smoke dances briefly in a halo about his head . " I 'm Dr . Oppenheimer , " he says . I get the impression his voice is usually much louder , but has been lowered for my benefit , as if his words themselves will be weights on my raw skin . " This here is Brigadier General Leslie Groves . " He gestures to the man behind him , trailing smoke . The man maybe nods - I can 't quite see - but I sense that I 'm supposed to be impressed . " We need your help . " How old was he ? , I want to ask . I try to remember the day they rushed my mother to the hospital . I was five . What have you done with my brother ? Heat flares in my hands , crawling up my arms . " Nurse ! " Doctor Oppenheimer barks , standing and turning away . The red - haired nurse rushes forward , making soothing noises . She soaks a strip of linen in a bucket of water and drapes it over my forehead . The cool is a shock , and I fight to breathe steadily . " We 've been looking for them for two years , " General Groves says to the thin doctor from across the room . The general is muttering , a big man 's version of a low whisper , but I can hear him quite clearly . " Now isn 't the time for cold feet , damn it . " He turns on the assistant , who almost shrinks away . " And you . Is your data ready ? " " This thing , " he says . " We can do it already , scientifically . " He looks at me with guarded seriousness , as if I won 't understand . " My people have it figured out . They 're great scientists . It 's just a matter of time . " Then his serious eyes are hard , glancing quickly , agitatedly , at me , then away . He takes another draw on the cigarette , blows another trail of smoke that drifts and dissipates . " But time is what we don 't have . You have the opportunity to save millions of American lives . Soldiers ' lives . " He leans in close . " This is your chance , " he says , " to prove your patriotism . " " We all have difficult decisions here , " he says , and his hollow eyes are on me with what sympathy he has , and what urgency . " These times of war are terrible . But we have our obligations to the greater good , to the great men and women of this country . " In my mind , Natsu is clutching Maisie , my blonde - haired doll . I remember her hands growing hot , her face pink , the electricity that pulsed between us when I took Shinji from her arms . I think of us high above the world , and we are falling onto a place we have never known , and the light is blinding , the world is burning . All comments must meet the community standards outlined in Tor . com 's Moderation Policy or be subject to moderation . Thank you for keeping the discussion , and our community , civil and respectful . Name Email Comment
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" After your great grandmother lost her son and husband to unexpected heart attacks , she had a nervous break down and was never the same again " " If you 're not careful , you 're gonna have a nervous break down " and my favorite : " You are so wound up , if you don 't calm down , you 're going to cause me to have a nervous break down " . The term was bantered around in my upbringing as often as sweet tea was served at the dinner table . . . . and for those who are not from the south , that is a whole lot ! I often wondered what a nervous break down was . Did my great grandmother actually mentally break and fall to the ground ? I wasn 't sure , but I knew I didn 't want to have one or to see one because it sounded like a horrible thing . Natalie had her break down in November of 2012 . I recognized it when it happened , and it scared me half to death . It was in our great room , in front of our fireplace , and she did literally drop to the ground . She then pounded the floor with her fists over and over and over again while screaming : " Please , get me some help ! I need help or I 'm going to kill myself ! Why won 't anyone listen to me ? Can 't you see I need help ? " I knelt by my daughter 's side and tried to talk to her , but she wouldn 't respond . And when I touched her , trying to pull her to me , she didn 't seem to have the ability to realize I was near her , trying to help her . Natalie 's body was stiff and wouldn 't be moved , and her face was red , covered in snot and tears , as she pounded the floor with her fists , screaming with an other - worldly guttural sound I had never heard before . Lydia , my other teenage daughter , was in the room as well , and she began to scream out in a frenzy : " Help her mom , do something . . . . help her ! " And all I could think to ask her was : " Lydia , oh God , what do I do ? " I was in a panic too . I finally gathered enough composure to think of dialing an emergency number ; they immediately re - routed my call to a mental hospital in town where I was asked a series of questions . For the record , on a side note , I was unaware at the time that " Mrs . Hollis , you 've just given me the details of every member of your family , correct ? " the woman asked firmly . I detected a hint of an attitude in her voice . " When you mentioned your daughter Hope and her heart condition , you said she has gone through multiple surgeries , life saving surgeries , is that correct ? " Yes , the lady on the other end of the line was becoming notably more agitated with me . And the entire time , Natalie 's screams were simultaneously getting louder . " That 's right , Hope has had three open heart surgeries and still has an aneurysm in her heart , " I managed . Literally , I felt my heart sink to my feet . After hanging up the phone , I called my husband and told him where to meet me , and a few short hours later , Natalie , my daughter , was introduced to the mental health care system . And so was I . When we first walked up to the electric doors , I expected them to open . We do it all the time , right ? When entering a grocery store , Walmart , or Target , the doors automatically open . But not here . To my left I found a call button and pushed it : " I 'm here with my daughter , Natalie . I think you are expecting us ? " No answer . I heard a buzz , and the door opened . After an hour of questions with an intake nurse , Natalie and I were taken upstairs to the youth unit where we were surrounded by teenage boys and girls . The doors were bolted behind us when we entered . The teenagers looked so normal . Oddly normal . They acted like friends , laughing and talking to one another , which took me off guard . I don 't know what I expected . . . . I 'm sure I didn 't expect for there to be so many in number , but I also didn 't expect them to appear so happy and well - adjusted in a mental hospital . " Hello ? " I thought , " you guys do know you are in a psyche ward , don 't you ? " We were welcomed by a nurse who took us into another room to ask yet one more round of questions . At one point , I told her : " It 's crazy how happy all these kids seem around here , " and quickly followed my remark with : " Oh , I shouldn 't have used the word ' crazy ' in a mental hospital , I am so sorry for being inconsiderate . I 'm going to have to get used to not using that word so much , because I use it all the time . . . . . " and I rambled on nervously until she finally interrupted : " It 's OK , really , it is . " To this day , I am careful about how I use that word . After the second round of questioning , we were ushered into a private bathroom where Natalie was made to remove her clothing so cuts and abrasions could be noted in a folder . She was told her body would be checked on a regular basis . " Is that really necessary ? " I asked . " Isn 't that embarrassing for these young girls ? " " She 's in a hospital , and it 's for her own protection , " the nurse assured me . What did I know ? At that point , I felt at a loss . Natalie was finally acting stable , and that was a good thing . We were given a few minutes alone before I was told to leave . I looked Natalie straight in the face , holding her shoulders tightly with my hands : " Are you alright ? " She is such a beautiful girl . A turned up nose , dark brown eyes , and a soft voice have accompanied her since the first day we met . Although she is nearly sixteen , she looks to be about twelve or thirteen , so young and innocent : " I hope this place will help me ; I don 't want to feel like this anymore , Mom . " We cried and hugged , said our good - byes , and I was escorted out . Again , the doors were bolted behind me . Group visitations were to be on Sunday afternoons for thirty minutes and all other visits would be on an ' as needed ' basis determined by her therapists and doctors . Can you believe that day marked the first time Natalie spent the night away from home without me ? Throughout the years she 'd been asked to sleep overs , but had always refused to be away from me . The irony of it made me sick as I drove away and left her behind . The following day , after calling and checking in with one of Natalie 's nurses to make sure she had done well through the night , I decided to take Lydia shopping , hoping she would open up to me and be willing to discuss how she was processing what was going on with her sister . We entered a store and were promptly greeted by a girl who used to attend school with my older son , Caleb . We knew who she was , but she didn 't know us . " Can I help you ? " she asked . " You both have very pretty hair . I hate my hair . " " No , you 're hair is pretty too , " I smiled , " I don 't have curls like you and always wished I did . " Lydia immediately shot me a look of shock . Her jaw nearly hit the floor . The girl didn 't notice ; thankfully , her eyes were fixated on my hair . I don 't know if it was because of the bizarre time I 'd had with Natalie the day before or if it was a God - thing , but I didn 't even hesitate . I answered as if her question was one I was asked every day of the week : " Of course you can , " I said . The experience was surreal . A few days later , I was allowed to take Lydia with me for a therapy visit with Natalie . I looked up at one point and caught a glance of that same girl who had petted our hair whisking by . I later learned from Natalie the girl had attempted suicide and daily pulled out globs of her own hair , leaving piles of blond curls hidden beneath her bed . After a two week stay , Natalie was sent home . The mental hospital requested she stay longer , but insurance didn 't cooperate . She was home just over twenty four hours when she melted again , hands pounding on the floor , screaming for help . On the second visit to the mental hospital , I was left in a holding area while Natalie was taken back to be questioned alone . The hospital wasn 't as frightening to me the second time . A man and his teenage son came in as I sat waiting for Natalie . They sat in the holding room with me , actually right next to me , even though there were several available chairs in the room . For the longest time I sat next to them in silence , wondering if I should say something . What do you say in a mental hospital , right ? The man , who I assumed was the boys ' father , appeared shaken . Bent over , his elbows rested on his knees as he rocked back and forth . His son , however , sat upright staring straight ahead . The difference between the two was glaring . After debating what to say , I finally broke the silence : " This isn 't the best place to visit , is it ? " I offered a half smile . That simple question was all the man needed . He immediately began telling me all about his son , who he had adopted as a baby . " He has always been a good student and an excellent baseball player , " he said . " Several months ago , he was driving home . . . . it wasn 't a rainy night and he wasn 't drinking or speeding , so we don 't know what happened . . . . but when we he was found , his car had hit a tree and he was unconscious . There wasn 't a scratch on him , but it turned out he had a brain injury . " At this point , the man 's face was covered in tears and his hands were trembling . His son still sat upright , rather stoic , unmoving . He continued : " My wife and I could never have children , so when we adopted our son , he became the center of our world , " he patted his son 's leg , " we love him so much . " For a few seconds he cried out loud , wiping the tears as fast as they fell . The son still showed no emotion ; as for me , though , I was crying right along with my new friend . " He started having seizures and has lost his ability to learn . School used to be so easy for him , but not anymore . He had been offered a scholarship to play baseball , but now has lost it because he can 't play anymore . The brain injury has taken his ability to learn and to play ball away from my boy and so he wants to die . And he 's going to do it . . . . I 'm afraid he 's going to kill himself . " After those words , the father cried like I have never seen any grown man cry in my life . His whole body shook , and the stark room was filled with the sound of heartbreak . Within minutes , Natalie was brought back into the room with an intake nurse and I was asked to come join them on the journey back up to the psyche floor . On my way out , the man rose to his feet and we gave each other an awkward hug . I whispered in his ear : " My daughter wants to take her life too . . . . you pray for us and we 'll be praying for you . " I still think of that teenage girl and boy often . Their brief time in my life has had a larger impact on me than some relationships that have lasted tens of years . They opened my eyes to the world around me in a brand new way , helping me to see humanity in the realm of mental illness . It was no longer a foreign subject to me , but it was three very real people now . . . . and one of those three , was my daughter . JennyJune 22 , 2014 at 5 : 08 PMVery well written - I 've been thrown into this realm also and it 's the hardest place to be . I think it 's so socially acceptable to have physical challenges but people don 't know how to respond to mental or emotional challenges . ReplyDeleteCindyJuly 14 , 2014 at 12 : 53 PMMy 12 1 / 2 year old son is also from vidnoye . We adopted him in 2002 , he came home when he was about 9 months old . Fortunately he does not have any issues . I did not think the baby home was that bad . We had looked at one other baby in a different baby home that seemed more institutional . That baby seemed off , though he was very cute . When we went to vidnoye and they brought our baby our , he was happy and smiling and a good weight . He had some delays , but we started early intervention that was provided to us almost immediatley . Fortunately , he bonded very easily . I 'm sad you have such tremendous issues . I see we 're very lucky after reading your blog and someone else 's from the vidnoye whose son has terrible issues . ReplyDeleteRepliesMelanie HollisJuly 15 , 2014 at 9 : 50 AMCindy , I am so happy to hear you adopted from Vidnoye ! I wouldn 't have known about the electric shocks they were using on the children if we hadn 't come to visit Natalie on a Sunday to find the visitation room was locked . The workers , unable to find the keys and not knowing what to do with us , placed us in what they called the " medical room " . We saw them there , hanging on the wall . At three years of age , Natalie was left in soiled clothing all day , her skin was filthy , and her teeth were completely black . . . . her head was shaved and she had several deep scars and burns on her skin . But I don 't look back on what I saw / experienced and think the orphanage was intentional about the abuse / neglect inflicted on the orphans there . With so many to care for and so few workers who had little to no training , what could they do ? Crowd control became their primary focus . Your son is so fortunate that you saved him when he was still a baby . I wish we could 've found Natalie Newer Post I love God , the South , country music , and sweet iced tea . I 'm called mom by five fantabulous kiddos , two of them sport an extra chromosome and have turned my life upside down in the most magnificent way . They are the inspiration behind every word I write . Love you to the moon , Hope & Charlie !
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So we really thought today was going to be a good day . It wasn 't that it was " bad " but it wasn 't good either . Reagan was OK , but still very tense in her body . And sensitive . Very sensitive . Too sensitive to even think about attempting putting on her Cleopatra costume and going trick or treating ! We had her in her pink Gymboree skeleton pjs ( which apparently many kids were wearing as costumes this year ) , but when we brought her downstairs and put her into her stroller , she got increasingly kooky and we knew it wasn 't meant to be this year . She hung out downstairs with Daddy while Grandma ( dressed as the guy from scream ) was outside sitting in the driveway handing out candy ! She would just sit there , with the candy bowl on her lap , waiting for a kid to reach in and then she 'd grab their hand ! Needless to say , there were lots of screams coming from our house ! We attempted to take Ryan out for a bit ( dressed as a UPS man ) , but he was still feeling a bit under the weather , and was in meltdown mode so we didn 't last long . Our house was a big hit though ! Everyone loved all of the decorations and lights ! Although some kiddos were too afraid to come to the front door , so that 's why we had to sit in the driveway ( and scare them there ) ! It 's too bad both kiddos were " off " . It 's been years since Reagan had a good Halloween ! Oh well , we 'll shoot for a good Christmas ! Without flash . . . With flash . . . Reagan had another miserable one last night ! She " slept " more than the night before , but very off and on , and she kept waking up crying ! She was very tense and I had to put her arm restraints on her again . Finally around 4am I gave her a dose of Lortab and she was able to fall asleep and sleep for a few hours ! When she woke around 7 , she seemed much more calm and I was even able to pick her up and snuggle with her and I even got some laughs . We really thought she was out of the woods . . . we were wrong ! She got increasingly more agitated as the morning went on . She slept off and on , but was miserable ( flailing , biting , and crunching ) when she was awake ! Finally . . . finally . . . finally . . . this afternoon she woke up and had a little tiny ever so slight grin ! And that was it ! She turned the corner and has been great ever since ! ( She did have some slighty dazed moments when she first came out of it , she was still super tense in her body , but very out of it , but we think she was just tired ! ) Tonight she 's been laid back and sweet ! I think she 's in for a good Halloween ! ( I wish I could say the same for us ! Me , my mom , & Ryan are all under the weather ! Super scratchy sore throat , runny nose , and just that over all sicky feeling . It all started with Ryan , and I have a feeling him snotting on us all day Tuesday , did us both in ! Hoping we can get over this quick and not spread it to my sweet girl ! I do NOT want to spoil her good days with sickness ! ) It 's been an awful day for my girl ! It all started last night . She was fighting going to sleep and getting more and more aggravated . She flipped out and ended up spending the night in her chair . I don 't think she slept much at all . I got up a few times with her when she was upset , but most of the night I think she was just kicking around quietly but awake . She seemed to calm down a bit and there was a period of time this morning we thought she might actually be OK . I picked her up and held her and she was even giving me some laughs ! But not long after that , she started crying and then cried nearly the entire day . Her medications were not very helpful today , giving her brief if any relief from the pain . We 've had to use her restraints off and on today as well . She 's been very bitey and at one point she did get a hold of her right finger ( because we were holding her left hand ) . This is way too soon to be having bad days again already , but I 'm just praying it comes and goes as quickly as we 've seen the last few cycles . Hopefully she 'll get some sleep tonight and wake up feeling much improved tomorrow ! She just has to right , because she can 't feel much worse ! Prayers for our sweet girl are much appreciated ! Reagan slept well last night and woke up around 6 : 45am . She was sweet and smiley . . . definitely more happy than previous days . She 's been giving us laughs and smiles all day today ! She had a busy day of therapy with PT in the morning , followed by vision / speech through the school , and then OT ! Busy , busy ! She did really well with everything and has just been a super sweet girl nonstop . Still very relaxed in her body . She 's been sleepy off an on throughout the day , but never really dozed off . Tonight especially she keeps closing her eyes and then popping back awake with a giggle ! Hoping she can doze off for good and get a good night 's sleep tonight and give us another good day tomorrow ! I 'm really hoping she holds out and has a good day for Halloween , but her last couple of cycles have been much shorter so we 're definitely on borrowed time ! Prayers for my sweet girl to hang on ! Reagan slept well again last night . Woke up a little early . . . was awake when I got back from my walk . . . but she was good . Still a little serious . She had another poo on her own this morning ! I know that 's a lot of poo talk but hey , we get excited about that around here ! It 's nice to see her going on her own on a regular basis ( 3 days in a row ) . She definitely loosened up a bit as the day went on . All in all , she was pretty calm and content today . Still a little spitty , hands in the mouth a lot . She had speech this morning ( was making a lot of choices ) , OT this afternoon ( did some time in the stander ) , and then school late this afternoon ( very visually attentive but still very into her hands ) . She 's been a good girl . Laid back , go with the flow . Not super happy , but content , so that makes us happy . Reagan slept well last night ( in her bed ) but woke up fairly early this morning . She was calm but serious . Not many smiles today . An occasional laugh if we worked really hard for it . She had a bit of a gurlgly tummy and even had two dirty diapers on her own ! As the day went on she got more and more spitty and was even a little chokey at times , but no real nausea to speak of . Tonight she was looking sleepy so I picked her up to try to get her to fall asleep in my arms , but she was getting a little too chokey in that position . She did eventually doze off on her own and Daddy moved her successfully to her bed . Hoping for another good night 's sleep for my girl and good day tomorrow ! ( We had a really stressful day today with Ryan getting upset at church and then a very uncomfortable meeting with the childcare workers ! Not sure what we 're going to do with him . He 's progressing well speech - wise but just not getting there behavior - wise . He wants to do what he wants to do . . . all of the time ! Please pray that we see some improvement in this area and that we can figure out how to help him best ! It 's hard not knowing how to deal with such a headstrong child ! ) We 're so thankful Reagan slept last night and woke up this morning feeling much improved ! This morning we found her completely sideways in her chair , but still asleep . When she woke up , she had a scowl on her face and was very serious , but no longer upset or crying ! She had a pretty good day today . . . all things considered . She 's been pretty mellow and dozing off and on all day . We 'll take that over crying and miserable any day ! She dozed off on her own so we 're hoping she sleeps well and wakes up feeling even better tomorrow ! It was a bad day today . My girl slept well and even slept in a little this morning . But when she woke , she was not happy . She was very tense , whining , and stressed ! Unfortunately it just continued to get worse ! She started crying and biting and flailing . . . we couldn 't control her . She managed to pull her hand away from her nurse and took a little bite out of her pointer finger . For the rest of the day she had to wear an arm restraint on her left arm . . . for her safety ! The only positive thing , she was responding well to pain medication . We alternated clonidine and Lortab / oxycodone all day and she slept through most of the bad . It wasn 't until tonight that she had a longer stretch of misery where she wasn 't responding to medication . Finally she dozed off on her own and were just praying she 'll sleep well and wake up better tomorrow ! Please keep her in your prayers ! These bad days are coming way too quickly ! Reagan woke me up around 4am this morning . I went in and checked on her , covered her back up , and went back to bed . When I got up at 5 : 30am , she was back asleep . When I got back from my run , she was awake again ( probably due to the dirty diaper she was sporting ) ! I changed her and moved her to her therapy room and she was all smiles ! She 's been smiley and wonderful all day again today ! Super sweet , but also super spitty ! Not at all gaggy ( although a little chokey at times ) , but definitely a steady drip ! She had PT and OT today and did great with both . Loving these good days for my girl ! Prayers that they continue ! It 's been another good one for my girl ! She 's been very smiley and sweet today . She had speech and school today and did great for both . She 's been a little spitty tonight but super good . Cuddly and sweet , I sure love loving on this girl ! It 's been another good one . Reagan was a little hesitant to fall asleep once in her bed last night , but she eventually dozed off with clonidine . She slept through til about 5am and then was awake for a bit . She fell back asleep but a loud motorcycle driving by woke her back up and then she was wide awake ! Thankfully , she was super sweet and smiley ! She 's been super precious today . She had PT this morning and did great for that . She was doing great kneeling and doing switch work so her PT got a little over excited and continued it probably a little longer than she normally would have . After that she was pretty zonked . She 'd do it again , but not for nearly as long ! I know with all of her nonstop movement , we never really think about her body fatiguing , but as any kid with mito , she 's going to tire much more easily . This afternoon she had OT and did a great job for that as well ! She sat in her wheelchair and they worked on her head control ( so she didn 't use her i2i headrest ) . They 've been doing this a lot lately and her head control has improved significantly . She still fatigues after a while , but it 's way better than it used to be ! Everybody is loving the sweetness and smiles this girl is giving us today ! She 's been biting her lower lip and grinding her teeth off and on , but otherwise she 's been perfect ! Definitely praying for more good days to come ! Reagan had a good day today ! She woke up a little early , but she was a good girl ! She 's been very sweet and smiley all day ! She 's had a busy day of therapies . . . vision / speech this morning ( she was very vocal and " talking " the whole time ) , OT shortly after ( and even got in her stander ) , and then " school " this afternoon . She did great for them all ! She has really made quite the recovery after such a horrendous day on Saturday ! The only thing I 've noticed that 's still a bit off , she 's getting the " one red ear " off and on ( it 's her right ear ) , which is an indication of dysautonomia . She 's also kicking a lot and has her hands shoved down her throat , but that 's not unusual for her ! Tonight I made her sit cross - legged in her chair and that really helped to settle her and she was able to stop the constant movement for a bit ! I leaned over her and put my head on her head and she dozed off ! She 's such a doll ! Love that girl ! Hoping she has a good night 's sleep tonight and has another good day tomorrow ! Reagan slept last night and kept sleeping this morning ! We went to church and came back and she was still asleep ( her nurse was here with her ) ! She woke briefly while we were gone and seemed a bit agitated , but fell back to sleep . We were pressed for time when we got back , so we immediately started changing her to get her ready to leave for the walk ( at this point we weren 't even sure how she was going to wake up and if she was going to be able to go ) ! We woke her up , but she didn 't seem to mind . She was cool and calm . We got everyone loaded up into the car ( as well as two all - terrain strollers ) and headed out to Old Settler 's Park in Round Rock for the 3rd Annual Energy for Life Central Texas Walkathon ! Reagan was great , but the music / DJ was loud , so I immediately put on her noise cancelling head phones . The only time she seemed to be getting a little sensitive was during the national anthem , but I just talked her through it and she was fine ! They even spoke to everyone ahead of time and as team " Rallying for Reagan " walked past the starting line , they turned down the music and all just shook pom poms ( instead of clapping ) ! The weather was nice , although in the bright sunshine it did get a little warm ! It was perfect sleeping weather though , so Reagan dozed off almost immediately . We had 50 or so people on our team this year so it was a really good turnout ! We made it through the whole walk , and pictures afterward , without her waking up . Daddy even decided it would be easiest to just walk her back down the road to the restaurant we were meeting up at , rather than taking her out of the stroller to go a mile down the road and risk her waking up . She slept through lunch and didn 't wake until we put her in the car ! She didn 't last long though and both she and her brother were fast asleep the whole drive home ! She woke up again when we brought her in the house , but fell back to sleep shortly thereafter . She woke up long enough tonight for a bath and then was back out in no time ! All in all , it turned out really well Reagan 's Charlie 's Angel nurses ! Today started off well enough . . . Reagan woke up surprisingly happy and we thought all was good . Boy were we wrong ! I had my second 5k in the morning , so while I was off running , Reagan dozed back off to sleep . All was good and she was sleeping away , when all of a sudden she woke up crying ! And that sums up the rest of the day ! Nonstop screaming crying ! Her pain / sleep medicines weren 't helping and she was miserable ! I honestly don 't remember the last time she was this bad ! Biting , flailing , kicking . . . she had superhuman strength ! We were having to use all of our body weight to try to stop her from hurting herself . Eventually we did end up having to put both arm restraints on her , because we just couldn 't hold her down nonstop and she couldn 't be trusted even for a second ! It 's been AWFUL . Grandma drove in and we all took turns trying to soothe her , but it was not working . Grandma and Daddy had a little more luck getting her to fall asleep , but not much was helping . This continued on until 1 - 1 : 30am and now she 's finally asleep . No clue if it will last or if by some miracle she 'll be well enough to go to the walkathon tomorrow ! We could sure use some prayers for our sweet miserable girl ! Goodnight . 1 comments It 's been another good one for my girl ! ( I keep telling her she needs to hold on for THREE more days , since the walkathon is Sunday ! ) She woke up this morning laughing and never went back to sleep ! She was super laughy this morning , but she had lots of laughs all day . Only one therapy today , speech this morning and of course she did well with that . She was super sweet and there were many photo opportunities . . . she couldn 't have been any cuter ! Her hands and feet have continued to be cold and clammy off and on and this afternoon / night she 's been particularly spitty . . . but still good . Tonight she did give us a bit of grief in the sleep department . She fell asleep on her own in her chair downstairs but when Mike carried her upstairs to her bed , she woke up and then wouldn 't go back to sleep . She was actually getting increasingly frustrated and fussy so finally we moved her to her chair and with some coaxing ( and oils diffusing ) she eventually fell asleep ! It definitely seemed to be tummy pain related so I 'm hoping it will pass and we 'll still have a sweet smiley girl tomorrow ! 0 Reagan had a pretty good day today . She started out a little serious again , but she 's mellowed out as the day has gone on . She had another good session of PT . She 's using a tumbleforms " raised roll " ( it 's flat on one side so it doesn 't roll ) and laying Reagan on it to help open up her back ( she 's always in flexion , crunching forward ) . Every time they do it , she completely relaxes into it , lays with her arms extended out and relaxed , and seems to love it ! Her nurse is going to start doing it at least once a day , to see if it helps to get her out of crunchmode ! This afternoon she had OT . She did a lot of switch work and she 's getting very good at it ! She 's been pretty sweet and a little laughy today / tonight . Her hands and feet are definitely cold and clammy , so I 'm not sure what that 's about . Tonight she was a little laughy ( even as she was dozing off ) but she was asleep when we laid down . Hoping she gets some rest tonight ! 0 Reagan slept well last night and woke up still a little serious today . Tense in her body . Last night when she was in bed dozing off , I noticed her doing the tensing up thing , where she kinda startles eyes open , arms stiffen , and then it takes her a bit to relax again and she closes her eyes . We 've seen this move off and on for years now . It looks more seizureish than I 'd like , but at the same time , her EEGs have gotten better and better , so we 've tried not to worry about it . She did it again once or twice this morning when her nurse was holding her ( and she was sleepy ) . Probably something I need to get on video , but just haven 't . Reagan had speech this morning and then school this afternoon . I think she did pretty well for school , but was probably a little less interactive for speech . Tonight she was good for her nurse while we had Bible study at our house with our neighbors ( she was even a little laughy ) . Then right around 10pm , Mike laid down with her and was able to get her to sleep ! We are all ready for bed and it 's only 10 : 45pm . . . an all time record ! It 's literally been years since we were in bed before 11 ( we 're rarely in bed by midnight ) ! Gonna go enjoy my almost 7hrs of sleep ! Good night ! Reagan slept well last night and had a pretty good day today . Still no smiles , a few little laughs , but good . She 's still very tense in her body and " crunchy " . . . both her PT and OT worked on that today . She also had vision therapy this morning , so it 's been a busy day . She held her own though and was very patient through it all . This afternoon she got a package in the mail from Julie , her IRun4 runner . It was her survivor medal that she got from running the Susan G . Koman race for the cure race ( she 's a breast cancer survivor ) ! Such a sweet thing for her to do ! And such a fitting medal for my girl to receive ! If you don 't already know about it , there 's a really neat facebook group called I run for Michael where they pair up runners with special needs children / adults . The runners receive a lot of support from other runners while also donating their miles to their special needs buddy ! It 's a great organization and everyone gets a lot out of it ! They are always in need of more special needs buddies ( there 's a waiting list for runners ) so please go to this website if you 're interesting in taking part in this neat organization . It 's actually part of the reason I decided to take up running as well . After watching my dad run for years and then seeing Mike 's sister post updates from the couch to 5k program on Facebook and ultimately reading all of the posts from runners on IRun4 , I decided to start running ! I started 6 / 1 and have been religiously running or walking every day since ! Who do I run for ? I run for REAGAN ! ! Reagan woke up once last night , shortly after I fell asleep . She was fussing / crying and not at all happy . I started dissolving a clonidine and then started diffusing some oils ( frankincense and copiaba ) . In the small amount of time it took to get that going , she dozed back off . So I just held the clonidine and went back to sleep . Thankfully , she slept the rest of the night ( in her chair , but sleep is sleep ) ! She woke a little bit after the nurse got here and was serious but calm . That was her demeanor for the rest of the day . At one point I could 've sworn I heard a couple little laughs , but her nurse didn 't think so . She tolerated her therapies today , and although she wasn 't sensitive at all to anything , she also wasn 't wanting to participate either . Speech and school were probably the least productive , but OT at least was able to get her out of her chair and stretch her , so I 'm sure that was good for her . We also did an afternoon bath , because there was a definite underarm smell we needed to address . Unfortunately , tonight I can definitely smell the " bad day smell " on her head , so she might need another bath tomorrow ! All in all , not such a bad day . She made it through without any tears , just tense and serious . Tonight she seemed a little more tense and kicky , but that was probably due to her crazy ( napless ) brother carrying on about everything ! Hoping both babies can get some sleep tonight and wake up feeling better tomorrow ! Reagan slept again last night in her bed ! She was awake and kicking around at 7 : 45am , but I 'm not sure how long she had been awake . My immediate concern was her seriousness . Very tense in her body , no smiles , very different from the last several days . We were very careful with her to not do anything to set her off . She seemed to be calming down a bit , so while we were at church , her nurse put her in her wheelchair . She even looked like she might fall asleep for a bit , but when we got home we must 've made some sort of noise ( slamming the door or something ) . . . she flipped out and was full out crying ! Not good . We tried everything in our bag . . . oxycodone , ibuprofen , essential oils . . . nothing was working ! It wasn 't until we tried clonidine hours later that she finally stopped crying and dozed off ! Unfortunately , that only lasted an hour or so , before she woke up and started crying again ! This time we tried Lortab . Thankfully it helped her to doze back off again . This is the first time her new nurse has seen her have a " real " bad day ! It 's awful . I hate to see her suffer like this and since she can 't tell us what 's hurting her , we have no clue how to help her ! So frustrating ! Tonight she was really crying / screaming / moaning nonstop . . . the medicines didn 't seem to be working again . Finally , after a failed dose of clonidine , Lortab helped her to fall asleep ! Hoping and praying she can stay asleep and wake up feeling better in the morning ! Please say some extra prayers for my girl tonight ! Reagan SLEPT last night ! ! Thank you Lord ! In her bed , no less ! So glad for her to finally get some sleep ! She woke up this morning still sweet and smiling . She 's been a good girl today . A little on the spitty side ( similar to last night ) , hands in the mouth A LOT . Some happy vocalizations . . . but nothing over the top . Overall , she had a good day . Tonight I did smell a whiff of " bad day smell " on her head , despite having freshly washed hair . Not a good sign . I do feel like we 've been gifted some extra days . . . because it seemed she was going to go into a bad streak last week but she never did . Hopefully she 'll do the same thing this time ? Prayers for my girl ! Not sure how much Reagan slept last night . I know I was exhausted from going to bed around 1 : 30am , so I might not have heard her even if she was awake . She woke me up again around 5am with some vocalizations . I went in and found that when she kicked her weighted blanket off during the night , it somehow managed to pop her tube open , so all night her pump was pumping formula onto the floor as her intestines drained out on the floor as well ! Ugh . So I changed her and cleaned up the mess and laid down for 5min til my 5 : 35am alarm went off ! No excuses . I got up and went walking with my running partner ( long run is tomorrow ) . Reagan had another good day today . She was a little more kooky vocal today ( and slightly sensitive to us talking ) , but otherwise good . She had speech this morning and did well with that . She 's been doing really well this week making choices ( especially with the eyegaze device ) . Then this afternoon she had " school " and was great with that as well ! Tonight she was super sweet and dare I say even sleepy ! For the first time in days , we were able to get her into her bed and Mike laid down with her til she fell asleep ! Praying for some sleep for my sweet girl ! Sorry everyone for the delay in posts . All is still good here , I 'm just having a hard time managing my late nights ( and sometimes up many times thru the night ) and early morning runs . I am SO not a morning person . And although I feel so much better after running in the morning , I 'm exhausted from the cumulative lack of sleep ! This morning was definitely one of those mornings ! And my poor girl , I can 't even imagine how tired her little body must be ! She 's on her second night of little to no sleep , with no end in sight ! Thankfully , she 's still smiling , so we 'll take what good we can get ! She only had one therapy today , PT , but she did well with that . She was up in the stander for a bit and just as sweet as can be . This afternoon and tonight she just took it easy . I gave her clonidine tonight and 30min or so later , she did start looking sleepy . She dozed off for maybe 10 - 15min but woke up when I was connecting her tube feeds ( even though I seriously didn 't make a peep . . . I think she could just sense me beside her ) . She was very vocal and seemed slightly agitated , so I tried giving her some oxycodone , but it didn 't seem to touch her . I started diffusing some lavender and " peace and calming " and was rubbing lavender around her head . Finally around 1am I was in the process of looking up what oils I could use for restless leg syndrome ( she was kicking around a lot and just couldn 't seem to hold still ) , when she finally dozed off again . I 'm off to bed to try to get some sleep ! 0 I don 't think Reagan slept much at all last night . When I got up this morning I found her all crunched up in her chair , hair hanging all in her face , and hands tangled up in it ! What I was pleased to find was that she still had a big smile on her face ! I could hardly believe my eyes ! I really thought we were in for a rough one today ! We took advantage of her good mood and she had a busy day of therapies ! First speech , then PT , then OT , and finishing off with school ! It was quite the day ! She only got a little excitable a couple of times , but never to the point of concern . Tonight she was sweet , but still excitable . I think she 's in for another all - nighter . You can just tell . Her body is tense and she 's amped up . . . she doesn 't seem to be winding down in the least . Poor girl . I wish there were something we could do to help her rest , but when she 's like this , she 's completely immune to sleep meds . Reagan woke up early again this morning . . . that 's OK though , because she slept most of the day yesterday ! She was sweet and still and I was very happy to see her still hanging in there ! She had vision and OT ( through the school ) this morning and she did really well with both . She dozed off shortly thereafter and almost missed OT , but she woke just in time for her therapist to turn the car back around and head our direction ! She had a good day today ! She was smiley and sweet ! Tonight she was even up for going over to my stepsister 's house for National Night Out ! Reagan was great , Ryan , on the other hand , decided to have a full blown meltdown ! I think he was thrown off since everyone was outside hanging out in the culdesac , he 's used to going in their house and playing ! He eventually settled down and stopped crying when Mike took him out on the trampoline . He jumped nonstop for 45min or so before we were able to get him off ! By then it was getting dark , so we left shortly thereafter ! Tonight it was late and Reagan was not dozing off , so Mike tried laying down with her . That didn 't work . I gave her a dose of clonidine . . . which made things worse ! For the next hour ( 11 : 30 - 12 : 30 ) she just got more and more agitated . I tried Lortab and moving her back into her chair . . . she did calm down , but she 's super restless . Unfortunately , I don 't think she 's going to sleep much tonight ! Reagan had another sleepy day today ! She woke up this morning bright and early and seemed to be wide awake and ready to go ! She was very still and relaxed . She fell back to sleep only moments before her speech therapist got here at 10am ( I think she does this on purpose sometimes ) ! Her therapist came anyway and spoke to the new nurse about things she can work on with Reagan . Then her OT who was scheduled to come at 11 : 30am , did the same . Reagan was still dozing , so therapies just didn 't happen ! She also slept through " school " and then just kept on sleeping ! We transferred her to her bed and she just continued sleeping away ! Hopefully she sleeps and wakes up a happy girl tomorrow ! Today is her other nurse 's birthday . . . hoping she 's good for her tomorrow ! Reagan has had a good day today . She 's been very laid back and calm ! She 's been pretty still all day , but especially tonight . No hands in the hair or hands in the mouth . . . just a lot of hands by the side ( which doesn 't happen often ) . She 's still been sweet but not as smiley . The stillness does have me a little concerned , but hopefully she 'll hold out and have a good day tomorrow . This was her new nurse 's first weekend and she 's hoping to see Reagan in action tomorrow with her therapies ! Grandma has been hard at work today decorating for Halloween and both kids enjoyed going outside tonight to look at the festival of lights . Yes , it 's beginning to look a lot like Halloween over here ! You could say we go all out ( and we 've got a lot more to go ) ! Reagan slept well last night but woke up a little early . I moved her into her chair around 6 : 30am and then went for my run . She was content though , so that 's good , but vocalizing enough for me to know she probably wouldn 't have tolerated another 45min of just laying awake in her bed . She was good most of the morning . . . she had a big liquidy diaper that may have been the source of some discomfort we saw a bit later . She had several mini meltdowns throughout the day ( she was very sensitive to us talking and sound in general ) . Nothing lasted too long , but they all consisted of tears but were fairly easily reversed with some snuggling and coaxing . I think she was just having pain , what kind of pain , I 'm not sure . If I had to guess , I 'd guess tummy pain , but who knows . Tonight she was really fighting sleep . Her pm dose of clonidine just wasn 't doing the trick , she kept dozing off but popping back up ! Finally , I gave her Lortab and that seemed to help her doze off . I guess if she 's having pain , that might be just what she needed . Hoping for a good night 's sleep tonight and an end to this craziness . Reagan slept well last night and woke up a super sweet girl today ! She 's had a great day ! She 's been very calm and smiley . Nothing at all seemed to phase her . She had speech this morning and did well with that . Then she just took it easy for a while , enjoyed the nice breeze from her balcony , watched some tv . Then her teacher came and she was great for that as well . Afterward , we put both Reagan and Ryan in strollers and headed down to the Fall Festival going on at the Elementary School down the road . It was a little chaotic , but I think Reagan enjoyed getting out ( and since she was very laid back today , we didn 't have to worry that sights or sounds might set her off ) and Ryan had fun on the playground and checking out the petting zoo . It was a bit of a zoo out there though , so we didn 't stay too long . We walked home and got out of the mosquitoes as quickly as we could ! Reagan was great all night and dozed off in my arms and transferred easily to her bed . Hoping for another good night 's sleep for my sweet girl ! Reagan slept last night and woke up much improved today ! She did , however , have FOUR large liquidy diapers ! The first leaked all over her nurse and the mat she was laying on ! The next two were also very leaky but her clothes was the only victim ( the first three all happened within a 1 . 5hr period ) . The last was the only one that didn 't leak ! So needless to say , I was doing A LOT of laundry today ! I definitely think that might have been part of the reason she was so upset yesterday . . . tummy pains could definitely do that ! She was awake all morning and had really good sessions of PT and OT , but shortly after OT , she dozed off and slept the rest of the day ! We went to Bible study and came back and she was still out ! Mike managed to transfer her into her bed . . . so hopefully she 'll sleep the night through . Reagan slept the whole night through last night ( thank you God ) and then just kept sleeping ! She slept all morning and then woke right around 12 : 45pm , but she did NOT wake up happy ! She was very stunned / agitated and was trying to bite herself . We gave her some oxycodone , but she continued to full on cry for almost an hour or so until she finally dozed back off . Ugh . What the heck ? ! ? ! ? Why is she already having another bad day ? She 's had 3 bad streaks in the past 2 weeks ! That 's way too many ! I know I 've been hesitant to make any changes , but it just might be time to try the ketogenic diet . I 'm not sure of another good alternative at this point . SO frustrating ! She kept sleeping the rest of the day ( in her chair of course ) . We were afraid to attempt to move her , so we left her in her chair overnight . Hopefully she 'll sleep through the night and wake up better tomorrow ! 0 On August 21 , 2007 ( at exactly 5 months old ) , Reagan had her first cluster of seizures . She was diagnosed at 6 months old with Infantile Spasms and 2 years later with Mitochondrial Disease . Life has been a roller coaster for us and our baby girl but we 've been blessed with wonderful friends and family to help us though this !
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So we really thought today was going to be a good day . It wasn 't that it was " bad " but it wasn 't good either . Reagan was OK , but still very tense in her body . And sensitive . Very sensitive . Too sensitive to even think about attempting putting on her Cleopatra costume and going trick or treating ! We had her in her pink Gymboree skeleton pjs ( which apparently many kids were wearing as costumes this year ) , but when we brought her downstairs and put her into her stroller , she got increasingly kooky and we knew it wasn 't meant to be this year . She hung out downstairs with Daddy while Grandma ( dressed as the guy from scream ) was outside sitting in the driveway handing out candy ! She would just sit there , with the candy bowl on her lap , waiting for a kid to reach in and then she 'd grab their hand ! Needless to say , there were lots of screams coming from our house ! We attempted to take Ryan out for a bit ( dressed as a UPS man ) , but he was still feeling a bit under the weather , and was in meltdown mode so we didn 't last long . Our house was a big hit though ! Everyone loved all of the decorations and lights ! Although some kiddos were too afraid to come to the front door , so that 's why we had to sit in the driveway ( and scare them there ) ! It 's too bad both kiddos were " off " . It 's been years since Reagan had a good Halloween ! Oh well , we 'll shoot for a good Christmas ! Without flash . . . With flash . . . Reagan had another miserable one last night ! She " slept " more than the night before , but very off and on , and she kept waking up crying ! She was very tense and I had to put her arm restraints on her again . Finally around 4am I gave her a dose of Lortab and she was able to fall asleep and sleep for a few hours ! When she woke around 7 , she seemed much more calm and I was even able to pick her up and snuggle with her and I even got some laughs . We really thought she was out of the woods . . . we were wrong ! She got increasingly more agitated as the morning went on . She slept off and on , but was miserable ( flailing , biting , and crunching ) when she was awake ! Finally . . . finally . . . finally . . . this afternoon she woke up and had a little tiny ever so slight grin ! And that was it ! She turned the corner and has been great ever since ! ( She did have some slighty dazed moments when she first came out of it , she was still super tense in her body , but very out of it , but we think she was just tired ! ) Tonight she 's been laid back and sweet ! I think she 's in for a good Halloween ! ( I wish I could say the same for us ! Me , my mom , & Ryan are all under the weather ! Super scratchy sore throat , runny nose , and just that over all sicky feeling . It all started with Ryan , and I have a feeling him snotting on us all day Tuesday , did us both in ! Hoping we can get over this quick and not spread it to my sweet girl ! I do NOT want to spoil her good days with sickness ! ) It 's been an awful day for my girl ! It all started last night . She was fighting going to sleep and getting more and more aggravated . She flipped out and ended up spending the night in her chair . I don 't think she slept much at all . I got up a few times with her when she was upset , but most of the night I think she was just kicking around quietly but awake . She seemed to calm down a bit and there was a period of time this morning we thought she might actually be OK . I picked her up and held her and she was even giving me some laughs ! But not long after that , she started crying and then cried nearly the entire day . Her medications were not very helpful today , giving her brief if any relief from the pain . We 've had to use her restraints off and on today as well . She 's been very bitey and at one point she did get a hold of her right finger ( because we were holding her left hand ) . This is way too soon to be having bad days again already , but I 'm just praying it comes and goes as quickly as we 've seen the last few cycles . Hopefully she 'll get some sleep tonight and wake up feeling much improved tomorrow ! She just has to right , because she can 't feel much worse ! Prayers for our sweet girl are much appreciated ! Reagan slept well last night and woke up around 6 : 45am . She was sweet and smiley . . . definitely more happy than previous days . She 's been giving us laughs and smiles all day today ! She had a busy day of therapy with PT in the morning , followed by vision / speech through the school , and then OT ! Busy , busy ! She did really well with everything and has just been a super sweet girl nonstop . Still very relaxed in her body . She 's been sleepy off an on throughout the day , but never really dozed off . Tonight especially she keeps closing her eyes and then popping back awake with a giggle ! Hoping she can doze off for good and get a good night 's sleep tonight and give us another good day tomorrow ! I 'm really hoping she holds out and has a good day for Halloween , but her last couple of cycles have been much shorter so we 're definitely on borrowed time ! Prayers for my sweet girl to hang on ! Reagan slept well again last night . Woke up a little early . . . was awake when I got back from my walk . . . but she was good . Still a little serious . She had another poo on her own this morning ! I know that 's a lot of poo talk but hey , we get excited about that around here ! It 's nice to see her going on her own on a regular basis ( 3 days in a row ) . She definitely loosened up a bit as the day went on . All in all , she was pretty calm and content today . Still a little spitty , hands in the mouth a lot . She had speech this morning ( was making a lot of choices ) , OT this afternoon ( did some time in the stander ) , and then school late this afternoon ( very visually attentive but still very into her hands ) . She 's been a good girl . Laid back , go with the flow . Not super happy , but content , so that makes us happy . Reagan slept well last night ( in her bed ) but woke up fairly early this morning . She was calm but serious . Not many smiles today . An occasional laugh if we worked really hard for it . She had a bit of a gurlgly tummy and even had two dirty diapers on her own ! As the day went on she got more and more spitty and was even a little chokey at times , but no real nausea to speak of . Tonight she was looking sleepy so I picked her up to try to get her to fall asleep in my arms , but she was getting a little too chokey in that position . She did eventually doze off on her own and Daddy moved her successfully to her bed . Hoping for another good night 's sleep for my girl and good day tomorrow ! ( We had a really stressful day today with Ryan getting upset at church and then a very uncomfortable meeting with the childcare workers ! Not sure what we 're going to do with him . He 's progressing well speech - wise but just not getting there behavior - wise . He wants to do what he wants to do . . . all of the time ! Please pray that we see some improvement in this area and that we can figure out how to help him best ! It 's hard not knowing how to deal with such a headstrong child ! ) We 're so thankful Reagan slept last night and woke up this morning feeling much improved ! This morning we found her completely sideways in her chair , but still asleep . When she woke up , she had a scowl on her face and was very serious , but no longer upset or crying ! She had a pretty good day today . . . all things considered . She 's been pretty mellow and dozing off and on all day . We 'll take that over crying and miserable any day ! She dozed off on her own so we 're hoping she sleeps well and wakes up feeling even better tomorrow ! It was a bad day today . My girl slept well and even slept in a little this morning . But when she woke , she was not happy . She was very tense , whining , and stressed ! Unfortunately it just continued to get worse ! She started crying and biting and flailing . . . we couldn 't control her . She managed to pull her hand away from her nurse and took a little bite out of her pointer finger . For the rest of the day she had to wear an arm restraint on her left arm . . . for her safety ! The only positive thing , she was responding well to pain medication . We alternated clonidine and Lortab / oxycodone all day and she slept through most of the bad . It wasn 't until tonight that she had a longer stretch of misery where she wasn 't responding to medication . Finally she dozed off on her own and were just praying she 'll sleep well and wake up better tomorrow ! Please keep her in your prayers ! These bad days are coming way too quickly ! Reagan woke me up around 4am this morning . I went in and checked on her , covered her back up , and went back to bed . When I got up at 5 : 30am , she was back asleep . When I got back from my run , she was awake again ( probably due to the dirty diaper she was sporting ) ! I changed her and moved her to her therapy room and she was all smiles ! She 's been smiley and wonderful all day again today ! Super sweet , but also super spitty ! Not at all gaggy ( although a little chokey at times ) , but definitely a steady drip ! She had PT and OT today and did great with both . Loving these good days for my girl ! Prayers that they continue ! It 's been another good one for my girl ! She 's been very smiley and sweet today . She had speech and school today and did great for both . She 's been a little spitty tonight but super good . Cuddly and sweet , I sure love loving on this girl ! It 's been another good one . Reagan was a little hesitant to fall asleep once in her bed last night , but she eventually dozed off with clonidine . She slept through til about 5am and then was awake for a bit . She fell back asleep but a loud motorcycle driving by woke her back up and then she was wide awake ! Thankfully , she was super sweet and smiley ! She 's been super precious today . She had PT this morning and did great for that . She was doing great kneeling and doing switch work so her PT got a little over excited and continued it probably a little longer than she normally would have . After that she was pretty zonked . She 'd do it again , but not for nearly as long ! I know with all of her nonstop movement , we never really think about her body fatiguing , but as any kid with mito , she 's going to tire much more easily . This afternoon she had OT and did a great job for that as well ! She sat in her wheelchair and they worked on her head control ( so she didn 't use her i2i headrest ) . They 've been doing this a lot lately and her head control has improved significantly . She still fatigues after a while , but it 's way better than it used to be ! Everybody is loving the sweetness and smiles this girl is giving us today ! She 's been biting her lower lip and grinding her teeth off and on , but otherwise she 's been perfect ! Definitely praying for more good days to come ! Reagan had a good day today ! She woke up a little early , but she was a good girl ! She 's been very sweet and smiley all day ! She 's had a busy day of therapies . . . vision / speech this morning ( she was very vocal and " talking " the whole time ) , OT shortly after ( and even got in her stander ) , and then " school " this afternoon . She did great for them all ! She has really made quite the recovery after such a horrendous day on Saturday ! The only thing I 've noticed that 's still a bit off , she 's getting the " one red ear " off and on ( it 's her right ear ) , which is an indication of dysautonomia . She 's also kicking a lot and has her hands shoved down her throat , but that 's not unusual for her ! Tonight I made her sit cross - legged in her chair and that really helped to settle her and she was able to stop the constant movement for a bit ! I leaned over her and put my head on her head and she dozed off ! She 's such a doll ! Love that girl ! Hoping she has a good night 's sleep tonight and has another good day tomorrow ! Reagan slept last night and kept sleeping this morning ! We went to church and came back and she was still asleep ( her nurse was here with her ) ! She woke briefly while we were gone and seemed a bit agitated , but fell back to sleep . We were pressed for time when we got back , so we immediately started changing her to get her ready to leave for the walk ( at this point we weren 't even sure how she was going to wake up and if she was going to be able to go ) ! We woke her up , but she didn 't seem to mind . She was cool and calm . We got everyone loaded up into the car ( as well as two all - terrain strollers ) and headed out to Old Settler 's Park in Round Rock for the 3rd Annual Energy for Life Central Texas Walkathon ! Reagan was great , but the music / DJ was loud , so I immediately put on her noise cancelling head phones . The only time she seemed to be getting a little sensitive was during the national anthem , but I just talked her through it and she was fine ! They even spoke to everyone ahead of time and as team " Rallying for Reagan " walked past the starting line , they turned down the music and all just shook pom poms ( instead of clapping ) ! The weather was nice , although in the bright sunshine it did get a little warm ! It was perfect sleeping weather though , so Reagan dozed off almost immediately . We had 50 or so people on our team this year so it was a really good turnout ! We made it through the whole walk , and pictures afterward , without her waking up . Daddy even decided it would be easiest to just walk her back down the road to the restaurant we were meeting up at , rather than taking her out of the stroller to go a mile down the road and risk her waking up . She slept through lunch and didn 't wake until we put her in the car ! She didn 't last long though and both she and her brother were fast asleep the whole drive home ! She woke up again when we brought her in the house , but fell back to sleep shortly thereafter . She woke up long enough tonight for a bath and then was back out in no time ! All in all , it turned out really well Reagan 's Charlie 's Angel nurses ! Today started off well enough . . . Reagan woke up surprisingly happy and we thought all was good . Boy were we wrong ! I had my second 5k in the morning , so while I was off running , Reagan dozed back off to sleep . All was good and she was sleeping away , when all of a sudden she woke up crying ! And that sums up the rest of the day ! Nonstop screaming crying ! Her pain / sleep medicines weren 't helping and she was miserable ! I honestly don 't remember the last time she was this bad ! Biting , flailing , kicking . . . she had superhuman strength ! We were having to use all of our body weight to try to stop her from hurting herself . Eventually we did end up having to put both arm restraints on her , because we just couldn 't hold her down nonstop and she couldn 't be trusted even for a second ! It 's been AWFUL . Grandma drove in and we all took turns trying to soothe her , but it was not working . Grandma and Daddy had a little more luck getting her to fall asleep , but not much was helping . This continued on until 1 - 1 : 30am and now she 's finally asleep . No clue if it will last or if by some miracle she 'll be well enough to go to the walkathon tomorrow ! We could sure use some prayers for our sweet miserable girl ! Goodnight . 1 comments It 's been another good one for my girl ! ( I keep telling her she needs to hold on for THREE more days , since the walkathon is Sunday ! ) She woke up this morning laughing and never went back to sleep ! She was super laughy this morning , but she had lots of laughs all day . Only one therapy today , speech this morning and of course she did well with that . She was super sweet and there were many photo opportunities . . . she couldn 't have been any cuter ! Her hands and feet have continued to be cold and clammy off and on and this afternoon / night she 's been particularly spitty . . . but still good . Tonight she did give us a bit of grief in the sleep department . She fell asleep on her own in her chair downstairs but when Mike carried her upstairs to her bed , she woke up and then wouldn 't go back to sleep . She was actually getting increasingly frustrated and fussy so finally we moved her to her chair and with some coaxing ( and oils diffusing ) she eventually fell asleep ! It definitely seemed to be tummy pain related so I 'm hoping it will pass and we 'll still have a sweet smiley girl tomorrow ! 0 Reagan had a pretty good day today . She started out a little serious again , but she 's mellowed out as the day has gone on . She had another good session of PT . She 's using a tumbleforms " raised roll " ( it 's flat on one side so it doesn 't roll ) and laying Reagan on it to help open up her back ( she 's always in flexion , crunching forward ) . Every time they do it , she completely relaxes into it , lays with her arms extended out and relaxed , and seems to love it ! Her nurse is going to start doing it at least once a day , to see if it helps to get her out of crunchmode ! This afternoon she had OT . She did a lot of switch work and she 's getting very good at it ! She 's been pretty sweet and a little laughy today / tonight . Her hands and feet are definitely cold and clammy , so I 'm not sure what that 's about . Tonight she was a little laughy ( even as she was dozing off ) but she was asleep when we laid down . Hoping she gets some rest tonight ! 0 Reagan slept well last night and woke up still a little serious today . Tense in her body . Last night when she was in bed dozing off , I noticed her doing the tensing up thing , where she kinda startles eyes open , arms stiffen , and then it takes her a bit to relax again and she closes her eyes . We 've seen this move off and on for years now . It looks more seizureish than I 'd like , but at the same time , her EEGs have gotten better and better , so we 've tried not to worry about it . She did it again once or twice this morning when her nurse was holding her ( and she was sleepy ) . Probably something I need to get on video , but just haven 't . Reagan had speech this morning and then school this afternoon . I think she did pretty well for school , but was probably a little less interactive for speech . Tonight she was good for her nurse while we had Bible study at our house with our neighbors ( she was even a little laughy ) . Then right around 10pm , Mike laid down with her and was able to get her to sleep ! We are all ready for bed and it 's only 10 : 45pm . . . an all time record ! It 's literally been years since we were in bed before 11 ( we 're rarely in bed by midnight ) ! Gonna go enjoy my almost 7hrs of sleep ! Good night ! Reagan slept well last night and had a pretty good day today . Still no smiles , a few little laughs , but good . She 's still very tense in her body and " crunchy " . . . both her PT and OT worked on that today . She also had vision therapy this morning , so it 's been a busy day . She held her own though and was very patient through it all . This afternoon she got a package in the mail from Julie , her IRun4 runner . It was her survivor medal that she got from running the Susan G . Koman race for the cure race ( she 's a breast cancer survivor ) ! Such a sweet thing for her to do ! And such a fitting medal for my girl to receive ! If you don 't already know about it , there 's a really neat facebook group called I run for Michael where they pair up runners with special needs children / adults . The runners receive a lot of support from other runners while also donating their miles to their special needs buddy ! It 's a great organization and everyone gets a lot out of it ! They are always in need of more special needs buddies ( there 's a waiting list for runners ) so please go to this website if you 're interesting in taking part in this neat organization . It 's actually part of the reason I decided to take up running as well . After watching my dad run for years and then seeing Mike 's sister post updates from the couch to 5k program on Facebook and ultimately reading all of the posts from runners on IRun4 , I decided to start running ! I started 6 / 1 and have been religiously running or walking every day since ! Who do I run for ? I run for REAGAN ! ! Reagan woke up once last night , shortly after I fell asleep . She was fussing / crying and not at all happy . I started dissolving a clonidine and then started diffusing some oils ( frankincense and copiaba ) . In the small amount of time it took to get that going , she dozed back off . So I just held the clonidine and went back to sleep . Thankfully , she slept the rest of the night ( in her chair , but sleep is sleep ) ! She woke a little bit after the nurse got here and was serious but calm . That was her demeanor for the rest of the day . At one point I could 've sworn I heard a couple little laughs , but her nurse didn 't think so . She tolerated her therapies today , and although she wasn 't sensitive at all to anything , she also wasn 't wanting to participate either . Speech and school were probably the least productive , but OT at least was able to get her out of her chair and stretch her , so I 'm sure that was good for her . We also did an afternoon bath , because there was a definite underarm smell we needed to address . Unfortunately , tonight I can definitely smell the " bad day smell " on her head , so she might need another bath tomorrow ! All in all , not such a bad day . She made it through without any tears , just tense and serious . Tonight she seemed a little more tense and kicky , but that was probably due to her crazy ( napless ) brother carrying on about everything ! Hoping both babies can get some sleep tonight and wake up feeling better tomorrow ! Reagan slept again last night in her bed ! She was awake and kicking around at 7 : 45am , but I 'm not sure how long she had been awake . My immediate concern was her seriousness . Very tense in her body , no smiles , very different from the last several days . We were very careful with her to not do anything to set her off . She seemed to be calming down a bit , so while we were at church , her nurse put her in her wheelchair . She even looked like she might fall asleep for a bit , but when we got home we must 've made some sort of noise ( slamming the door or something ) . . . she flipped out and was full out crying ! Not good . We tried everything in our bag . . . oxycodone , ibuprofen , essential oils . . . nothing was working ! It wasn 't until we tried clonidine hours later that she finally stopped crying and dozed off ! Unfortunately , that only lasted an hour or so , before she woke up and started crying again ! This time we tried Lortab . Thankfully it helped her to doze back off again . This is the first time her new nurse has seen her have a " real " bad day ! It 's awful . I hate to see her suffer like this and since she can 't tell us what 's hurting her , we have no clue how to help her ! So frustrating ! Tonight she was really crying / screaming / moaning nonstop . . . the medicines didn 't seem to be working again . Finally , after a failed dose of clonidine , Lortab helped her to fall asleep ! Hoping and praying she can stay asleep and wake up feeling better in the morning ! Please say some extra prayers for my girl tonight ! Reagan SLEPT last night ! ! Thank you Lord ! In her bed , no less ! So glad for her to finally get some sleep ! She woke up this morning still sweet and smiling . She 's been a good girl today . A little on the spitty side ( similar to last night ) , hands in the mouth A LOT . Some happy vocalizations . . . but nothing over the top . Overall , she had a good day . Tonight I did smell a whiff of " bad day smell " on her head , despite having freshly washed hair . Not a good sign . I do feel like we 've been gifted some extra days . . . because it seemed she was going to go into a bad streak last week but she never did . Hopefully she 'll do the same thing this time ? Prayers for my girl ! Not sure how much Reagan slept last night . I know I was exhausted from going to bed around 1 : 30am , so I might not have heard her even if she was awake . She woke me up again around 5am with some vocalizations . I went in and found that when she kicked her weighted blanket off during the night , it somehow managed to pop her tube open , so all night her pump was pumping formula onto the floor as her intestines drained out on the floor as well ! Ugh . So I changed her and cleaned up the mess and laid down for 5min til my 5 : 35am alarm went off ! No excuses . I got up and went walking with my running partner ( long run is tomorrow ) . Reagan had another good day today . She was a little more kooky vocal today ( and slightly sensitive to us talking ) , but otherwise good . She had speech this morning and did well with that . She 's been doing really well this week making choices ( especially with the eyegaze device ) . Then this afternoon she had " school " and was great with that as well ! Tonight she was super sweet and dare I say even sleepy ! For the first time in days , we were able to get her into her bed and Mike laid down with her til she fell asleep ! Praying for some sleep for my sweet girl ! Sorry everyone for the delay in posts . All is still good here , I 'm just having a hard time managing my late nights ( and sometimes up many times thru the night ) and early morning runs . I am SO not a morning person . And although I feel so much better after running in the morning , I 'm exhausted from the cumulative lack of sleep ! This morning was definitely one of those mornings ! And my poor girl , I can 't even imagine how tired her little body must be ! She 's on her second night of little to no sleep , with no end in sight ! Thankfully , she 's still smiling , so we 'll take what good we can get ! She only had one therapy today , PT , but she did well with that . She was up in the stander for a bit and just as sweet as can be . This afternoon and tonight she just took it easy . I gave her clonidine tonight and 30min or so later , she did start looking sleepy . She dozed off for maybe 10 - 15min but woke up when I was connecting her tube feeds ( even though I seriously didn 't make a peep . . . I think she could just sense me beside her ) . She was very vocal and seemed slightly agitated , so I tried giving her some oxycodone , but it didn 't seem to touch her . I started diffusing some lavender and " peace and calming " and was rubbing lavender around her head . Finally around 1am I was in the process of looking up what oils I could use for restless leg syndrome ( she was kicking around a lot and just couldn 't seem to hold still ) , when she finally dozed off again . I 'm off to bed to try to get some sleep ! 0 I don 't think Reagan slept much at all last night . When I got up this morning I found her all crunched up in her chair , hair hanging all in her face , and hands tangled up in it ! What I was pleased to find was that she still had a big smile on her face ! I could hardly believe my eyes ! I really thought we were in for a rough one today ! We took advantage of her good mood and she had a busy day of therapies ! First speech , then PT , then OT , and finishing off with school ! It was quite the day ! She only got a little excitable a couple of times , but never to the point of concern . Tonight she was sweet , but still excitable . I think she 's in for another all - nighter . You can just tell . Her body is tense and she 's amped up . . . she doesn 't seem to be winding down in the least . Poor girl . I wish there were something we could do to help her rest , but when she 's like this , she 's completely immune to sleep meds . Reagan woke up early again this morning . . . that 's OK though , because she slept most of the day yesterday ! She was sweet and still and I was very happy to see her still hanging in there ! She had vision and OT ( through the school ) this morning and she did really well with both . She dozed off shortly thereafter and almost missed OT , but she woke just in time for her therapist to turn the car back around and head our direction ! She had a good day today ! She was smiley and sweet ! Tonight she was even up for going over to my stepsister 's house for National Night Out ! Reagan was great , Ryan , on the other hand , decided to have a full blown meltdown ! I think he was thrown off since everyone was outside hanging out in the culdesac , he 's used to going in their house and playing ! He eventually settled down and stopped crying when Mike took him out on the trampoline . He jumped nonstop for 45min or so before we were able to get him off ! By then it was getting dark , so we left shortly thereafter ! Tonight it was late and Reagan was not dozing off , so Mike tried laying down with her . That didn 't work . I gave her a dose of clonidine . . . which made things worse ! For the next hour ( 11 : 30 - 12 : 30 ) she just got more and more agitated . I tried Lortab and moving her back into her chair . . . she did calm down , but she 's super restless . Unfortunately , I don 't think she 's going to sleep much tonight ! Reagan had another sleepy day today ! She woke up this morning bright and early and seemed to be wide awake and ready to go ! She was very still and relaxed . She fell back to sleep only moments before her speech therapist got here at 10am ( I think she does this on purpose sometimes ) ! Her therapist came anyway and spoke to the new nurse about things she can work on with Reagan . Then her OT who was scheduled to come at 11 : 30am , did the same . Reagan was still dozing , so therapies just didn 't happen ! She also slept through " school " and then just kept on sleeping ! We transferred her to her bed and she just continued sleeping away ! Hopefully she sleeps and wakes up a happy girl tomorrow ! Today is her other nurse 's birthday . . . hoping she 's good for her tomorrow ! Reagan has had a good day today . She 's been very laid back and calm ! She 's been pretty still all day , but especially tonight . No hands in the hair or hands in the mouth . . . just a lot of hands by the side ( which doesn 't happen often ) . She 's still been sweet but not as smiley . The stillness does have me a little concerned , but hopefully she 'll hold out and have a good day tomorrow . This was her new nurse 's first weekend and she 's hoping to see Reagan in action tomorrow with her therapies ! Grandma has been hard at work today decorating for Halloween and both kids enjoyed going outside tonight to look at the festival of lights . Yes , it 's beginning to look a lot like Halloween over here ! You could say we go all out ( and we 've got a lot more to go ) ! Reagan slept well last night but woke up a little early . I moved her into her chair around 6 : 30am and then went for my run . She was content though , so that 's good , but vocalizing enough for me to know she probably wouldn 't have tolerated another 45min of just laying awake in her bed . She was good most of the morning . . . she had a big liquidy diaper that may have been the source of some discomfort we saw a bit later . She had several mini meltdowns throughout the day ( she was very sensitive to us talking and sound in general ) . Nothing lasted too long , but they all consisted of tears but were fairly easily reversed with some snuggling and coaxing . I think she was just having pain , what kind of pain , I 'm not sure . If I had to guess , I 'd guess tummy pain , but who knows . Tonight she was really fighting sleep . Her pm dose of clonidine just wasn 't doing the trick , she kept dozing off but popping back up ! Finally , I gave her Lortab and that seemed to help her doze off . I guess if she 's having pain , that might be just what she needed . Hoping for a good night 's sleep tonight and an end to this craziness . Reagan slept well last night and woke up a super sweet girl today ! She 's had a great day ! She 's been very calm and smiley . Nothing at all seemed to phase her . She had speech this morning and did well with that . Then she just took it easy for a while , enjoyed the nice breeze from her balcony , watched some tv . Then her teacher came and she was great for that as well . Afterward , we put both Reagan and Ryan in strollers and headed down to the Fall Festival going on at the Elementary School down the road . It was a little chaotic , but I think Reagan enjoyed getting out ( and since she was very laid back today , we didn 't have to worry that sights or sounds might set her off ) and Ryan had fun on the playground and checking out the petting zoo . It was a bit of a zoo out there though , so we didn 't stay too long . We walked home and got out of the mosquitoes as quickly as we could ! Reagan was great all night and dozed off in my arms and transferred easily to her bed . Hoping for another good night 's sleep for my sweet girl ! Reagan slept last night and woke up much improved today ! She did , however , have FOUR large liquidy diapers ! The first leaked all over her nurse and the mat she was laying on ! The next two were also very leaky but her clothes was the only victim ( the first three all happened within a 1 . 5hr period ) . The last was the only one that didn 't leak ! So needless to say , I was doing A LOT of laundry today ! I definitely think that might have been part of the reason she was so upset yesterday . . . tummy pains could definitely do that ! She was awake all morning and had really good sessions of PT and OT , but shortly after OT , she dozed off and slept the rest of the day ! We went to Bible study and came back and she was still out ! Mike managed to transfer her into her bed . . . so hopefully she 'll sleep the night through . Reagan slept the whole night through last night ( thank you God ) and then just kept sleeping ! She slept all morning and then woke right around 12 : 45pm , but she did NOT wake up happy ! She was very stunned / agitated and was trying to bite herself . We gave her some oxycodone , but she continued to full on cry for almost an hour or so until she finally dozed back off . Ugh . What the heck ? ! ? ! ? Why is she already having another bad day ? She 's had 3 bad streaks in the past 2 weeks ! That 's way too many ! I know I 've been hesitant to make any changes , but it just might be time to try the ketogenic diet . I 'm not sure of another good alternative at this point . SO frustrating ! She kept sleeping the rest of the day ( in her chair of course ) . We were afraid to attempt to move her , so we left her in her chair overnight . Hopefully she 'll sleep through the night and wake up better tomorrow ! 0 On August 21 , 2007 ( at exactly 5 months old ) , Reagan had her first cluster of seizures . She was diagnosed at 6 months old with Infantile Spasms and 2 years later with Mitochondrial Disease . Life has been a roller coaster for us and our baby girl but we 've been blessed with wonderful friends and family to help us though this !
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Yeah , me too . It 's a long story . The short version is that the lecturers went on a strike which took too long for me to wait out . I had to make a decision or risk having to take all my leftover credits in the last semester if something went wrong here in Nairobi . So last week , I decided to go home . I 've got my flight , I 'll be leaving tomorrow … suddenly Kenya feels like a dream and I 'm about to wake up . A part of me is really sad . Another part of me is a little relieved ( obviously this was the more difficult route than just staying home in the first place , and maybe , a little bit , I am happy I don 't have to challenge myself like this ) . The largest part of me is surprisingly stoic , now that the decision is made . So I 'll go back . It 's not the end of my adventures . I can come to Kenya anytime . The idea is maybe to come back over winter break , depending on how I can combine it with some other plans that I have , and how I am going to pay for it , of course . Anyways , to say goodbye properly , I went to get my hair done Kenyan - style today . I opted for long microbraids that are a little wavy , and even though I was really nervous , I am actually quite happy with the result . It 's gotten mixed reactions , as was expected , but then I didn 't get it so everybody would love it , I got it to see what it 's like to get your hair braided , and what it feels like to run around with a large amount of fake hair very firmly attached to your head . It should last about a month and I hope I can care for it well enough so I don 't destroy my natural hair completely in the process … but the experience of getting it done in itself was already pretty much worth it . Obviously I look like a total tourist , but tomorrow I 'll leave and back in Germany , I have no idea what the reactions will be … maybe people will think I 'm part African , who knows . Maybe the Africans on campus will think I 'm the weirdest person ever . It doesn 't really matter … I have the coolest souvenir possible . With my microbraids , I 'm going to take a little bit of Kenya back to Germany . So for now … asante sana , Kenya , it was a good time , and tutaonana 🙂 8Sep2012 " Is that your real hair ? " Posted in Study abroad , Travel by Judith Wow , I have never felt more like some sort of exotic circus animal than in the last few hours . It was one of the funniest things that have ever happened to me . I spent an afternoon in a small village not far from Lake Nakuru ( I 'll tell you about the national park next time … with pictures , promise ! ) at an aunt 's place ( my hostdad 's eldest sister , if you really care ) while the hostdad went to do some politics in the area . I hadn 't been there ten minutes when two girls came in , saw me , started giggling incessantly and sat down on the couch opposite me , whispering to each other in rapid Kikuyu . For a while , we sat in amused and somewhat awkward silence … I was reading something and everytime I looked up at them , they turned their heads away really fast and started laughing again . I smiled encouragingly each time and eventually the younger one dared to smile back at me . With the ice broken , I started asking their names and how old they were - Faith is twelve and the younger one , who I understood was called Meri , is eight . I 'm phrasing it this way because her name could have just as well been either Miri or Mary , with their English it was hard to tell . I told them my name and we lapsed back into silence , until after a lot more giggling and staring , eventually the older one asked : " Is that your hair ? " I blinked , not sure what she was asking . " I mean , your real hair ? " When I told her it was , more giggling and whispering ensued , and eventually they ventured off their couch over to where I was sitting , so that they could touch my hair . I 'm not sure if they 've met a " mzungu " , a white person , before , but it seems they definitely haven 't had a chance to touch one , and my hair and skin were utterly fascinating to them . They examined my hands in great detail ( I assured them the green nails weren 't natural but a nailpolish , which seemed to reassure them a little bit ) , all the while chattering in Kikuyu and sometimes Swahili . I understood a word here and there , usually " mzungu " , but I have no idea what exactly their conclusions on my skin and hair were . I 'd never before thought of my birthmarks as something extraordinary , but when they found the first one , they were almost unstoppable in looking for as many as they could find . Besides that , the fact that you can see the veins of a white person through their skin seemed to be exciting and scary at the same time . At some point , I made the " mistake " of getting my camera out to show them the pictures of the park I had just been in , and the few pictures of my family that I had on it . The moment they saw the camera , everything else was forgotten . I spent most of the afternoon taking their pictures , posing so they could take pictures of me , explaining how the camera worked , showing every single picture I took to both of them , giving them the camera so they could take pictures of every poor unsuspecting visitor that walked into the room ( and there was quite a steady flow of them ! ) , and , although I tried not to panic , running after them to make sure they didn 't break my beloved camera . I 'm not sure whether my mzungu - ness or my camera was the bigger sensation , but I have a feeling that my sudden appearance made their day . I 'm also not sure whether I enjoy being the object of constant attention ( and a lot of touching ! ) , but those two were so adorable , I couldn 't help but be glad that I entertained them for an afternoon . For those of you that are on Facebook , there will be an album soon with a lot more pictures , but I just wanted to give you a little impression of my first real " mzungu " experience … eye - opening , thought - provoking , and definitely funny … I like those kids . I hope they grow up to decent jobs and their own place to live … the younger one doesn 't know how to read yet , and the older one doesn 't read very quickly , but at least it seems that they do go to school , and that 's really the most important thing . I wonder if I 'll see them again … 6Sep2012 The Good , the Bad and the Ugly . Posted in Deep in Thought , Study abroad , Travel by Judith [ Special warning : Long post ahead . Feel free to read part and come back later to finish , but do come back and finish reading cause I 'd hate for you to read the Bad and the Ugly and miss the Good ! That being said , enjoy . ] I 've been in Nairobi for ten days now , and while that is obviously not enough time to form a coherent picture of the place or to make any kind of judgment , it might be a good time to sum up some of my first impressions . A good friend told me before I left that I 'd experience the good , the bad , and the ugly , and as usual ( don 't tell him I said that ) , he was right . I am in no way saying that the points below are an accurate description of Nairobi , or that a local would agree with me , or even that I am not going to change my mind about things as I get used to the place - but that 's why it 's called first impressions , right ? Public transport is confusing as heck , and also somewhat dangerous - both because of high risk of pickpockets and of the way these guys drive . I have yet to experience a matatu ( minibuses that are chronically overloaded , sometimes blasting loud music , but are also cheaper and run with a higher frequency than buses ) from the inside , but I 've been almost run over by them several times , because they often , and without warning , drive onto the sidewalk to let someone alight or board the " mat " . A somewhat more adventurous part of me has to admit they do look like they might be fun , so I 'll give them a try sometime soon . The university is … well … somewhat less efficient and supportive than my university back home . I 've heard this from every exchange student I spoke to before leaving … once you go abroad , you 'll appreciate how this university works , and it 's true . I have been going back and forth from the university to my house to a copy - shop to a place that takes passport pictures , back to the university , back home , to the bank , back to the university , etc . , even though at the time I asked via email , I had been told they had all the documents they needed . There 's no orientation for new students and as of now , no timetables , even though classes are supposed to start on Monday . I asked a student about it and she said my best source of information would be other students , since most of the time , the university won 't really be helpful . So … we 'll see how that goes . There 's really only one item on this part of the list , but it is ugly . Very ugly . It 's poverty . I 've travelled before I came here . In South America , I stayed in houses that had walls made of clay and sugarcane trunks with a tin roof that only covered half the kitchen . I stayed in villages that didn 't have electricity or running water , and where the toilet for all villagers consisted of three holes in the ground , a ten - minute walk from the village . So I 'm aware that the standard of living I 've grown up with can 't be taken for granted . I 'm aware of how very , very lucky I am to have spent my childhood in a house with a garden , with a road that was safe to play and walk on even after dark , in a place where you can leave the front door unlocked because the chances of burglary are virtually nonexistent . I had running , hot water whenever I wanted and electricity that only ever went out if there was a big storm , maybe . I know how lucky I am to have grown up like this and I 've seen how different it can be . But here , poverty has touched me in a new way . Maybe it 's because the poor and the rich are so very close together . You drive to certain parts of Nairobi , like Karen , and you see huge mansions with elaborate security and armed guards , but on the way , you pass little kiosks on the road side , buildings made of some wood and some tin , that never look quite finished , or like they would really offer any kind of protection . My hostdad says that an estimated one million people in Nairobi live in a slum called Kibera ( not far from where my house is but I 've never been there ) , and it 's not a very long drive from the mansions of Karen , or the skyscrapers of the central business district . The poor and the wealthy live so close to each other that it 's impossible to ignore the poverty , and it 's also impossible to get used to it because it is so close to so much wealth that you cannot help but compare and wonder how it must feel . When I walk to the mall , little kids run after me begging for coins , often all the way from the intersection right to the entrance of the mall - they wouldn 't get past the guards at the entrance , and they know , but they are persistent . I know that if I start giving them money , I 'll probably have dozens of kids following me , and I 'll never be able to help them all . I also know a few coins won 't make a big difference and certainly do nothing to touch on the root of the problem , but when you have a maybe eight - year - old child telling you " Miss , I 'm so hungry " , it 's really hard not to let it break your heart . I act like I 've seen the people with me , I shake my head , I tell them " kesho " , " tomorrow " , and that I don 't have anything for them right now , and I feel like a really heartless and cruel human being , because I do have money , and maybe more in my bank account right now than these kids will see in their entire life , and it makes me want to cry to shake them off every time . How do you live amongst this kind of poverty , and not feel guilty for being so blessed yoursThe Good . I am so happy we have arrived at this part of the list . The last part of this entry has left me feeling quite glum , to be honest . It 's time to turn my focus ( and that of my readers … please bear with me , the depressing part is over now , I promise ) to the good things about Nairobi . Let 's start with the weather . It 's very nice . Sometimes ( like today ) it 's rather chilly , but in true Nairobi fashion I wrap a shawl around my shoulders and ignore the cold . Mostly it 's beautiful and sunny and quite warm , sometimes even hot . It rains occasionally , but not the annoying drizzling kind of rain that drags on for days without stopping . More the sudden downpour kind , Wolkenbruch , aguacero , I haven 't found out if there is a Swahili word as well , but pick your language . It 's the cool kind of rain that starts as suddenly as it stops , is deafeningly loud while it lasts , and leaves the air smelling fresh and drenches you within a fraction of a second , if it happens to catch you while you 're outside ( luckily , it hasn 't yet ) . It 's awesome . I am also told that the weather at the coast is even nicer and I should go there sometime . I 'm hoping to make it in December after my exams , hopefully with my Kenyan friend and partner in crime , Van Hoodie , who will be home for the winter break . ( For the sake of privacy , I won 't be using any real names except mine and Ari 's , but it should be obvious that her name is not actually Van Hoodie ) . The food . I haven 't tried nearly enough new things , of course , but I got a first taste , literally , of the food culture . I have fallen in love with samosas ( sort of like a minced meat triangular pastry ) and also chapos ( chapatti ) . Our house help makes them with a bit of carrot in the dough , which is an awesome idea in my opinion . The most common meal for both lunch and dinner would be rice and stew , usually consisting of vegetables and some sort of meat . Ours almost always has carrots and peas in it , and the one with minced meat is my favorite kind so far . Then there is tea , served before and / or after a meal , or just in between , or when you have guests , or while you 're watching TV , or pretty much any time of the day . Kenyan tea is made in a big pot with a lot of milk , and most people add a lot of sugar to it - they find it funny that I reject the idea of sugar in both coffee and tea , but well , " if you prefer it that way … " Of course , as anywhere in the world , the German in me misses her dark bread and cheese , but cheap avocados and delicious fruit almost completely make up for it . ( Side note : I am constantly entreated to eat more , have seconds , have a fruit , have more tea , etc . - I am convinced my host mother is determined to make me go home nice and round so that nobody will be able to say she didn 't feed me enough . ) Oh , and I almost forgot … THERE IS CADBURY ' S . In every supermarket . I am in paradise . Oh , and my favorite instant coffee in the world , Africafé . So the foodie in me is happy - if slightly concerned that she won 't fit into the plane seat on the way back ! Wildlife . I haven 't seen much of it yet , of course , lions , giraffes and elephants don 't exactly live in the CBD ( although close by , more on that some other time ) … but I have seen some really pretty birds that don 't look anything like any bird I 've ever seen - and , what 's way cooler , there are monkeys . I saw two of them just chilling in a tree the other day and another one on the street really close to where I live . They 're grey , medium size ( more on the small side of medium ) , and apparently they like to steal bananas , which is why the kitchen window should be closed if there is nobody in the kitchen . To the people here , there more a nuisance than anything else , but hey , I 've grown up in Germany … monkeys stealing bananas through the kitchen window are like the coolest thing EVER . The schedule . I don 't have it in full yet , but it looks like I will mostly have class from 2 - 5 or maybe 11 - 5 some days . Meaning I get to actually sleep in the mornings , and those who know me know how important that is to me ! Also , it will give me plenty of time in the evenings to do homework and readings - compared to days at university back home that sometimes went from 5 : 30 am ( rowing practice ) to 10 pm ( elective ) , this is awesome . The language . Have you ever heard someone speaking Swahili ? It 's freaking CUTE . I can 't wait until I understand enough to haggle at the market in Swa . That should also make prices drop quite a bit … 🙂 The people . I left this point for last because it is really the best one ( argument with most substance at the very end for greatest impact , remember ? ) . Van Hoodie 's family , who I am living with , is amazing . I wrote about this already in my last post , but I must repeat it here because the list of good things would not be complete without them on it . Yesterday I found a bag in my room with a brand new towel and some hangers for my clothes , and when I wanted to thank " Mum " , she only apologized that she hadn 't gotten them earlier and she was going to buy more hangers , etc . She blows me away time and again by saying or doing something that I would have never expected or asked her to do , and then acting like it was the most normal thing in the world and she only wishes she 'd been able to do it sooner , or help out more , etc . She has started introducing me as her daughter wherever we go , which draws confused looks from people but makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside . My favorite cousin is the six - year - old with the adorable traces of a British accent in her English . Yesterday she questioned me at length about why I was here and what I was doing … " Are you learning Kiswahili ? And Kikuyu ? Do you go to the university so you can make new friends ? Do you have Sprite in Germany ? " … and sometimes she mixes a bit of Kiswahili into her English without realizing , and then she gets very impatient with me when I don 't understand . She likes questions , that one . Of course I still haven 't met even half the family , and I still mix up uncles , aunts and cousins , forget whose kids the ones currently visiting are , and the other day I accidentally introduced myself to somebody I had already met twice . ( I hold that it wasn 't my fault because he was wearing a suit on both occasions and looked very different in casual clothes , but I was embarrassed nonetheless . ) However , everyone I met and remember has been really nice to me and done everything possible to make me feel at home . My host mum and sister have welcomed me homculture shock , experiences , German in Kenya , Kenya , Nairobi , perspectives , student life , swahili , travel Leave a comment Okay , the title kind of gave it away . Yes , I am in Kenya . To be precise , I 'm in Nairobi . I got here three days ago and frankly , I haven 't really processed anything yet . My first impressions are a blur of friendly people , adorable children , mostly cloudy skies but a nice temperate climate , modern high - rise buildings and little , colorful kiosks , a lot of " chai " ( tea ) and a mixture of very dramatic Mexican soaps and even more dramatic Nigerian movies on TV . Oh , and shopping malls . Big shopping malls . They have huge supermarkets ( my favorite so far is Nakumatt , it has a wide range of imported products , I even saw German shampoo and conditioner ) and great coffee shops … I like Java Coffee House a lot , which is also where I am right now , typing this blog entry . My host family is amazing beyond words . I am staying with a friend 's family , which consists of her mother and 14 - year - old sister - well , those are the people who live in the house , anyways . But then there aunts and uncles and cousins , whose names I still forget or get mixed up . I remember by now at least the name of the aunt that lives just around the corner , and I have also seen some of the cousins enough to recall their names . I spent an entire afternoon with my teenage host sister and the two youngest cousins , a four - year - old who was fascinated by the " brown spots on my skin " ( i . e . birthmarks ) and his six - year - old cousin , who lived in the UK for a while and came back quite the lady , and with traces of a British accent , too . If I understood the family relations right , both kids have older siblings and one of them is the kid of the aunt that lives around the block , but I forgot which one … Everyone is incredibly welcoming and warm . I could really not have found a better place to stay . Without these people , I don 't know if I would feel half as comfortable as I do , because to be honest , Nairobi is a bit scary . I guess it takes some time to adjust to … it 's just that it is much bigger than any city I have ever lived in , the traffic is insane , and there is also always the issue of my very obviously not Kenyan origin … blending in will not exactly be possible . It might be possible to give the impression that I know my way around if I can at least learn to behave like a local , even if I 'll never look like one . That 's what I 'll be working towards . For now I 'll finish my coffee and walk back home … the house I live in does already feel kind of like home . I think I am off to a good start . Stay tuned for updates !
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I was going to put up an image of my christmas tree but the photo came out blurred , so this will do for now - and is , in any case , all I really wanted to say . The twelve nights begin here . Posted by This is a bit previous , but I think I have already decided what one of my new year resolutions should be : I must make more pronouncements , and make them confidently and without equivocation . I must be more like Julie Burchill or Jeanette Winterson . To incorporate both would be a challenge as they are at opposite ends of a spectrum , but they definitely have what it takes to pronounce for England ( I wonder if it has something to do with their both being only children , this unshakeable self - belief ) . " Shopping is what you do when you have stopped living , " says Winterson , though actually what she really thinks it that it is ok as long as you go to small , independent shops ( and doesn 't she have one of her own called Verde 's ? ) and buy organic . Julie Burchill , on the other hand , says that if you don 't like Tesco 's you need to get a life and that shopping is brilliant and fun especially when you can whizz around and do it all in the one brightly - lit place . Well there 's shopping and shopping , I suppose . Signs , Christmas 2007 ( I told you I needed to make a resolution ) . The kind of shopping I almost never do is the clothes and accessories kind , and I was recently reminded of one of the reasons why when I ventured into shopping hell in the Brighton malls . Why anyone would choose to go there rather than all the interesting small shops in the Lanes perhaps Julie would understand : I thought I could do it all in one , stupid me , forgetting that mall shopping isn 't like that , especially not for the orthostatically challenged , as I most certainly was the other day , and feeling sick to boot . I got some wrapping paper , gift tags ( why ? I don 't use them ) , an item that I took back for refund half an hour after having bought it and four disgusting plastic painting set things for nieces and nephews that I never would have got if I 'd been in my right mind . But shopping for food is something I understand in my soul . Not so Mr . Signs who , on being asked to purchase a selection of interesting cheeses got a hunk of Cheshire . Posted by I appear to have caught some kind of bug and feel sick and weird . This means that I am not able to accompany Mr . Signs to Sainsburys for a pre - Christmas shopping marathon . Hey ho silver lining , but actually , as it makes me feel queasy to read anything or even listen to the radio it isn 't much fun and I may as well be down among the shoppers . I have a bucket here beside me as I tap , dear reader , just so you know that I have prepared for all eventualities . At least here , in this bit of half - room that we call Study , you can look out at the trees and frosted rooftops . This blue / gold winter weather is perfect and I love it . I do not know if I there will be any particular revelations concerning Process . If there are you may be sure I 'll let you know . Meanwhile , as my dear departed mother - in - law was so fond of saying ( near the end of her life ) - life goes on . Just as well , really . So there was this guy who did the Process and on the first day he got out of his wheelchair and walked from from Crouch End to Marble Arch . I don 't know what he did on the second day , but on the third and last day he went home and cut down a tree . A woman who had been bedridden for years got up on day two and answered the door herself . Another threw away her crutches . And Signs ? She went to Borders Bookshop in Brighton , had a coffee and bought a book by Ann Lamott called ' Bird by Bird ' . It 's a book about writing and so far I 'm enjoying it . Reading about the writing process is the displacement activity of choice when I am not writing , and writing about not writing is a close second . The title of the book gets its name because of a story she tells about her brother : " Thirty years ago my older brother , who was ten years old at the time , was trying to get a report on birds written that he 'd had three months to write [ it ] was due the next day . We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas , and he was at the kitchen table close to tears , surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds , immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead . Then my father sat down beside him , put his arm around my brother 's shoulder , and said , ' Bird by bird , buddy . Just take it bird by bird . " Well that was day one . On the second day I came home and went to sleep . Then Mr . Signs and I did a reasonably thorough uncluttering job of a room in our house and that felt very good . On the morning of day three I noticed that I woke up and felt normal - meaning there was nothing weird going on in my head , limbs , stomach , or anywhere else in my body . And then I went on feeling normal for the rest of that day . I had a sleep again after coming home in the afternoon and when I woke up I still felt normal . You might think I had forgotten what normal feels like , but I haven 't . Normal doesn 't feel like anything at all , but when you are used to having shackles , normal feels like you are a piece of polystyrene floating on the water . BPosted by An auspicious start to the day : I have had a mug of pretend latte ( instant made with one third boiled water , two thirds hot milk , sugar to taste ) and a warmed - up croissant that is a few days old , but it is marvellous how heat revives it . There was a Marlborough Menthol lying around so I smoked that . A run around the forest is out of the question , I have M . E . , dammit and , to quote the terminally miserable narrator of Dostoevsky 's ' Notes From Underground ' : " I am a sick man … I am a spiteful man . An unattractive man . I think that my liver hurts . " Well actually , I am a woman , really quite attractive and only occasionally spiteful , and I do not think my liver hurts as such - but it is not OK . Fact . It 's an immune disorder thing ( PBC ) . Fingers crossed I 'll see out the rest of my natural without a transplant , but - my eyes are drawn to the top of Chapter One of the Dostoevsky . Scrawled in my handwriting is the following : " What can we believe ? Reconstructing the true motives beneath the surface presented by the narrator is part of the pleasure of reading an unreliable narrator . The narrative becomes a study of a split personality , a hypocrite or a liar . " ' Struth , but this is wonderful . To come across oneself in the act of doing - what ? Writing notes to a future self , perhaps ; one who is no longer capable of such willing and energetic engagement and has all but forgotten the self that was . But it 's all up for change , folks , because tomorrow I begin a three - day course of something that goes by the name of the Lightning Process which sets out to do a re - programming job so that the immune system begins to behave appropriately again ( though they can 't do anything about the liver thing , but sorting out the M . E . will do nicely ) . There 's lots about it on the internet if you want to find out more . It 's a challenging thing for anyone who has had this a long time because accepting the condition , its limitations and the fact that there will probably be no cure is one of the things you learn over time toPosted by I have been tagged by Kahless - so how could I refuse ? A ~ Available : - For what ? A chat ? Cup of coffee ? Lunch at the Ritz or something - ok . B ~ Best friend : You , Dahling - who else ? C ~ Cake or pie ? Both please , with cream . D ~ Drink of choice : CoffeeE ~ Essential thing used every day : a cafetiereF ~ Favorite color : No . And it 's ' favourite ' in England . G ~ Gummi bears or worms ? I am vegetarian when it comes to eating sweets . H ~ Hometown : What ? I am a diaspora Jew . I ~ Indulgence : I am an essentialist . J ~ January or February ? No preference , and you 're being obscure again . K ~ Kids and names : I have both . L ~ Life is incomplete without : Leurve . M ~ Marriage date : Why do you want to know this ? Why ? Anyway , I have two . N ~ Number of siblings : One whole , four half , one ex - step ( don 't say I don 't tell you things ) . O ~ Oranges or apples ? Say the Bells of St . - ? P ~ Phobias / fears : I 'm working on them . OK ? Q ~ Favorite quote : " Neither art nor the artist has a moral responsibility to liberal social causes " . R ~ Reason to smile : Life goes on . My mother - in - law used to say this a lot when she was losing the plot . But it 's undeniably true . S ~ favorite Season - " I love Paris in the springtime , I love Paris in the fall , I love Paris in the winter when it drizzles , I love Paris in the summer when it sizzles " . And you are still spelling it wrong . T ~ Tag three people : Oh splendid - a chance to spread the joy around . I tag Barney who as everyone knows ( or jolly well ought to ) is Ms Pants 's remarkable , long - suffering hybrid owly cat . I also tag Chip Dale , because if he won 't do it then his wife Gabby might as she seems a very good sport . And lastly , I tag The Periodic Englishman because I really think we need to know what he has to say about all these things , and anyway , where is he ? U ~ Unknown fact about me : You know almost no facts about me anyway . I 'm a brunette . Sort of . Sometimes more than others . V ~ Vegetable you don 't like : Brussel sprouts . But sometimes they are ok . With chestnuts . W ~ Worst habit : We haven 't even been to lunch yet and yoPosted by Well , it 's here : first week in Advent . I still do things that prepare for the great midwinter event and the sun 's turning at the darkest point of the darkest month ; and not just the business with the turkey , the trimmings , the wrapping paper . This time I have lit all four advent candles at once instead of doing it gradually , adding one more as each week passes . I want all the light of them now . I also want to make a space that is ordered in such a way as to accommodate emptiness - not barren emptiness , but that space where words and substance come , the empty place that is starlit , or it is dark but it is a dark where things happen . And add to the wishlist a handful of beans , and wherever I throw one something will grow . These kind of beans are only given to poor people who don 't have much and I wonder if I am poor or rich . There is no room at the inn and the stable is filled with clutter . Out with it . I seem to have been hearing the word ' transition ' a lot recently , perhaps because I am in it , writing mainly fragments I do not wish to share . Increasingly , the real writing suggests a secret activity , one where even the end result should not be shown , not be witnessed by anyone at all , but I choose to read this as a temporary condition . I had a good couple of days in London , staying with a friend who is also in transit , between one phase of life and the next , and living in a beautiful bedsit in Belsize Park . It is not one of those IKEA 'd shiny fake parquet floor and microwave oven jobs that you see everywhere advertised for about £ 180 a week ( and it costs a fraction of that ) . It is the kind of place that students and people like me used to find in the seventies : scruffy and woodchipped with real sash windows that shake with the wind , a gas fire that glows - no central heating - and people of fragile means in other rooms who share the bathroom and occasionally pin up a crayonned sheet of paper asking God to give grace to accept with serenity the things that can 't be changed . I didn 't know thesePosted by My son is walking the streets of Oxford with hundreds of other students who are protesting against the Oxford Union 's decision to allow Holocaust revisionist David Irving and Nick Griffin ( leader of the BNP ) to address students tonight . Unlike most of his friends , who are protesting against the decision , my son thinks they should be allowed to speak . It is a difficult position to maintain . He is nominally a member of the Jewish Society who have written an impassioned letter on behalf of their members , one which probably reflects the views of most of them , but not my son , who thinks that there is a frenzy being whipped up which is preventing people from thinking . Me , I don 't know what to think about it , or I change my mind hourly . I think there are intelligent and moral reasons why they should not be given space to put their views , that these things can 't be separated from the real world and made to look as though it 's all ok and legit , even though the subject is Free Speech . On the other hand , I regret the fact that the people who might have spoken against them have withdrawn - that an opportunity may have been missed . And what with one thing and another - death threats to students from neo nazis - I am hoping that things don 't turn nasty . I have just spent half an hour cleaning up after a glass bottle smashed onto the terracotta tiles of my kitchen floor . The bottle was in my fridge and contained I don 't know what , but it smelled of some vile concoction of vinegar and herbs ( and something medicinal ) and must have been there long enough for me to have forgotten about . It was one of those things that take up residence and stay for so long that one just doesn 't see them any more until they jump out of their own accord . Picking up the glass pieces and the nasty little splinters of glass reminded me of the word " shards " and how it is one of the words that is outlawed by the Poetry Police because , I suppose , it has been over - used . Of course , that might once have been enough to send me to the notebook to write the definitive Shards poem but now I have more pressing things to occupy me , such as looking at the dust particles on my living room window and trying to decide whether to wear socks inside my new Ugg Boots or just wear them like slippers , barefoot . I do in any case have the feeling that Shards is not one of those words that I feel moved to redeem . I remember a letter I received many moons ago ( reader , that was deliberate so don 't be thinking you have caught me out ) from an erstwhile with whom I had broken up . He had once given me a tulip made of glass , a lovely thing that unfortunately broke during a flat move . In the letter , he said of our relationship that it was like " gripping the shards of a broken tulip : once it was so beautiful but now it draws blood . " Even then , I had a sense of the naffness of this and couldn 't help identifying the two culprit words ( beautiful was the other ) that weakened what may have been a nicely compelling image , even if a bit overblown , to round off a relationship that had , to coin a phrase , gone some distance past its sell - by date . I am rallying from what has been , so far , a challenging autumn . I am perhaps unusual for a PWME in that this is often my best season , but it has not been so this year . TherePosted by I have been honoured and bestowed with a Shameless Lions award for " Powerful Words " which I am proud to add to the collection of trophies on my sidebar , particularly as it comes from House of Pants whose lovely poems I have just been reading in Obsessed With Pipework . Funnily enough , I had just decided to subscribe to this on the strength of the name alone , before I even knew that House of Pants was in it ( and hers are the first three poems ) . This is , of course , a Sign - of what , I don 't know and really , one can 't be expected to do everything . Reading the signs does not necessarily mean interpreting them ( though I do sometimes have a stab at it ) . Enough just to know a Sign when one appears , and to trust that all will unfold in the fullness of time . But where were we ? Roaring words . I haven 't made so much as a squeak on the blog for a while but have been bleating elsewhere , in shocking pink notebook to be specific . Being somewhat more than usual energy - challenged , I 've only had the wherewithal to do one or the other , and the other won out . But don 't think I haven 't missed you all or that there haven 't been loads of things I 've been telling you - in my head , that is . Just to prove that this is true , here is a snap from a recent trip to Homebase . I was having another Stepford Wife Moment and thought , I must show them this . I had so much to say about it too but you 'll just have to take my word for it and try and imagine what it is I had to say because it 's all gone now - wiped . That 's what happens if you don 't get the words out quick as they come , you see . They bugger off . All I know is that at the time - Wednesday evening of last week , to be precise ( which for some unaccountable reason I feel it behoves me to be ) - I had returned to Homebase with one of their standing lamps that was so hideous when unboxed , and so defiant of being assembled into anything resembling the picture on the box that decided I could not give it houseroom for one minute longer . I looked at the Christmas tinselPosted by I was looking at the word " virus " the other day and realised that I didn 't really know what it is . I use the word virulent a lot to describe something that is aggressive , unpleasant and destructive . I think of it as something alien and unfriendly to the place it comes into . My body behaves as thought everything is a virus and must be fought with all the resources it can muster . I am a poor country always at war . The army has taken over and has held the country in its grip for many years . It cares nothing for the land or its people . It cares only for war . At this very moment it is calling on its demented soldiers to fight against this activity of tapping words onto a screen . My mother called me the other day . It was a bad day , I was struggling to remain upright , the army has perhaps got wind of plans afoot to take back the land and is fighting with all the weapons at its disposal . " I have been hearing all about M . E . on the radio , " she said , " isn 't it awful ! There are all sorts of people who have it much worse than you . I 've been hearing all about David Puttnam . " " David Puttnam , " I said , " is still able to work . He gets a bad spell every so often . " " Well I 'm just saying , I 've been hearing all about it on the radio . You sound well . " I 've asked her if she and partner would like to come for Christmas lunch . She says , " Oh no , we don 't eat . " She does , of course - big meals , roasted meats , organic vegetables , cake and wine and cheese and fruit . And just as well , really . I have been reading about people who give up all food and drink and claim to live on air and light alone . They might take a bite of something like celery or chocolate , just to experience taste or texture , but they don 't eat as such , or drink . I am engaged by the idea of living on light . Can 't help wondering , though , how this would work if one lived in , say , Finland , where it is pretty dark all through the winter . A woman was quoted as saying that she had the sense that food was somehow poisonous to the system and thPosted by It is a dark and stormy night and I thought it was time to put up another blog post . Why this should be I can 't quite say as nothing remarkable has happened in the world of Signs or , at any rate , nothing that I would care to properly identify , though I should perhaps mention that the poet Collin Kelley , who I invited to a Poetry Café at Lewes Library , gave a splendid reading last Friday , even though the number of people that showed up was disappointing , and this in a town so chock full of poets you can hardly move for bumping into them . But no matter - the ones that did come were glad to be there . I have a silence in my head . I am not sure whether I want to hear something or not : on the one hand it is disconcerting to drop a stone into the deep well of the mind and find that there is no splash , no echo ; on the other hand when the sound that comes back is not a splash but a strange sound that makes one back away from the edge , the silence is not necessarily such a bad thing . I am not in the vein to meet Grendel or his mother . I have been re - reading bits of Jack Kerouac 's On The Road and find I am still carried away on the sheer energy of the writing as he ( whoever ) travels from east to west and from north to south , hitch hiking , scrounging petrol , drinking , smoking . It is the progenitor , I suppose , of all the road movies and strongly romantic . There is something about the beat writers and their lives that has always drawn me , a vicarious pleasure I get from the vitality that drives them - perhaps because I myself have never been what is called " robust " . I have signed up to do a certain Process in December to see if I can bring about a change in my long - standing Condition . You will notice how coy I am being about naming anything - this is because I would rather not draw a host of desperate , hopeful or angry googlers ; there has been much heated debate about the various Processes currently around that are meeting with varying degrees of success . There seems to be a belief that it may be possible to repPosted by Great title , says Mr . Signs , but people might think you 're dying . You won 't think that , I hope , when I tell you that it 's from the I Ching and carries the image of the light sinking into the earth , which is right for the time of year . This is the view from my window as I sit tapping at the keys by the light of my trusty anglepoise and the Dell computer screen and the sun is going down . Out there in the darkness is my writing shed which I am not using very much at the moment , partly because the heater is faulty and we have come into quite a cold snap , but also because I like it here too . As a young child , I lived in a German village and at Martinmas ( which isn 't until 11th November ) I walked around with the children from my Kindergarten carrying a moon - faced lantern that was lit from within by a candle . We sang , Laterne , Laterne , Sonne , Mond und Sterne . The first time I did this I hadn 't been in Germany very long , so this may have been the first song I learned . My mother was walking and singing beside me . The longer and darker the nights became , the more the candles were lit . I have never dreaded winter and the dark months . When my own children were little , I walked around with nightlights in painted jars and hollowed - out turnips singing , the light shines bright all through the night , la bimma la bimma la bim . It 's something to carry with you , the image of light in darkness , for when other kinds of darkness come - the kind that is harder to identify . I have challenges at the moment : some of those are good , necessary or adventurous ones ; there are several poetry cafes coming up , writing to do - and I have decided to be brave and take new steps to see if I can bring about a radical change in my health . I fear failure but I will " do it anyway " on the basis that you only ever really regret what you don 't do . Some of the challenges , though , I could do without ; they are the kind that take light from you , and strength . It 's ok , I 've done it before , the lantern walk . When you are out in the open with the elements threateniReading the Signs I can never forget his hands now because I only have to look at my own to remember the shape and texture of them . What shocks me still is how I only really took them in the last time I saw him alive , and it was such a surprise - to notice , to see this inheritance of mine . They were elegant and spoke of tenderness , the skin brown against the white sheet . The skin ; it is my skin , the only skin I recognise by touch . First there was his , then there was mine , then my daughter 's . The first time I touched her I thought : this is my skin . It is strange , coming up against something so belonging to oneself but in another , and recognising it for the first time - because you can never know your own skin like that . And we are connected - not just to each other but to some place on earth that the people who were our ancestors inhabited . The people had skin like ours and we would know each other by touch . I sometimes wonder if there is a place in southern Spain where our lost relatives walk , holding each others ' hands , touching the baby 's cheek , with no idea that one of their people is here on this island that the Anglo Saxons and Normans made their place . One of their people is here , wanting to go home , which is the skin of her father 's hands . I have a crystal heart . It 's the only thing I have that belonged to him , and it was something I gave him once for his birthday . He kept it on his desk , a small treasure . I tell myself this : that by holding it I make it warm , and as it warms so do we , my father and I , the substance and essence of us , always touching . Sometimes I fall asleep with it still in my hands and I wake in the middle of the night and it is there ; warm as blood against me . I lunched with a friend today in one of my favourite cafes . Anyone who looks at the photograph below and knows Lewes will guess where I was . There is an exuberance about the place , part of which is given over to selling fresh produce and was today glowing with pumpkins , and the exuberance is also on the plates of food they serve . I had a plate of mixed salad . The white cone thing is something edible and crunchy . The bread is focaccia which , as I am staying off wheat for the moment , I passed on to my friend . It was a remarkable salad , particularly in the way it defied the laws of physics : however much I ate it didn 't get any less , in fact I could swear that by the time the plate was removed there was actually more of it . For dessert I had fresh berry Pavlova . This did seem to behave normally and though there were a few berries and an orange segment at the end , the Pavlova had quite gone . One of the things we talked about over lunch was tarot . My friend , whose latte you can see just beyond the sprig of mint sticking out of the Pavlova , has many different decks and interesting things to say about some of the variations in symbolism . I once had a tarot reading where I was told that my special card ( " significator " , I think it 's called ) was apparently the Queen of Swords . When I asked why he said , " because you just are , " and for some reason this seemed a good enough answer at the time - better than if he 'd said something about sun sign , colour of hair etc . I am a bit ambivalent about swords . Whenever I do a " spread " - about once every few years , there always seem to be too many of them and I 'd rather trade them for a few cups , especially ones that are full and running over with good things , like the exuberant salad plate ( and health ? ) . My friend tells me that the Queen of Swords is an impressive lady whose time will come . His special card is The Magician , who is creative with the stuff of life . And only now am I wondering whether he was the one responsible for the seemingly magic plate of salad . I like what Paul Auster says : " It is the only place in the world , I believe , that two absolute strangers can meet on the deepest level . It 's something that reinforces our common humanity . That 's the power of writing . You don 't feel that in a movie . You don 't quite feel it when you look at a painting , although that can be close , but the articulated word and articulated thoughts communicated from one person to another is the province of Literature writing . " And where , I wonder , does The Blog stand in relation to this ? I know I am talking to people - even if there were no comments I would know that because I can see from the stats that they look in , and though some flit in and out again , there are those who stay and read . But it isn 't the same as the " I and thou " connection I experience when writing in my notebook , even though there is no guarantee of anyone actually reading the words . My stepfather , before he went mad and cut himself off from the world , wrote in the journal that he shared with me : " Who is the stranger who lives with me ? " He was a writer . It is my opinion , though I can 't be sure , that the stranger was the " thou " he had become separated from . A brown parcel arrived today with my name on it . What could it be ? A birthday present from Cusp ! A live , sentient creature ! The cat is curious . She likes brown boxes very much . Do you see her ? Sitting on the desk of my writing shed with her purple notebook and quill pen , beside a lit candle and a copy of Nathalie Goldberg 's Wild Mind . Do you see the label around her wrist ? Her name is Fraulein Poesie and she speaks german . She says she is a poet who writes mainly about nuts and forests and likes a glass of wine or two in the evening . She is wearing her favourite purple trousers and pearl earrings , and look - she has a necklace of variously - coloured glass beads . Poesie meets a couple of the housemates . They have never met anyone this cool ( apart from me ) . Poesie is no fool . She keeps a wary eye on the cat , who has already shown an interest in Poesie 's tail . They talk , but keep a respectful distance . Signs puts on her purple " crushed silk " shellsuit trousers . Poesie says , " Wow ! " They gaze at each other in mutual admiration . Signs is holding Poesie 's writing book which is a beautiful , matching colour of purple . Oh , you should see her lovely button eyes close up ( press on pictures to enlarge ) . Cusp - I don 't know what to say . A beautiful present , such as I have never had before . And she is Real . How is it that you do not yet have a Creative Blogger Award ? Please pick one up immediately from my sidebar . And Poesie , who is now my writing and blogging partner , has asked that you also pick up a Nice Blogger Award as well . She says you are " ein sehr nettes Madchen " ( we had the umlaut but it seems to have got lost somewhere ) and she is sending you her love . p . s . It looks as though there are some of Poesie 's relatives ( sockmonkeys ) up for adoption . Posted by Is this not pleasing ? I almost said beautiful but that would perhaps be overstating what is , after all , simply a trip to the supermarket . Sorry about the fact you can 't make it larger and have the experience of almost being there - this due to my not having adjusted mobile phone settings - but you can still see , can 't you , the serene , unpeopled space , the shiny floor of which has just been trodden by the feet of Signs who has just picked up a packet of Purina chicken and rice cat food . This is how it usually is in Waitrose in my little town , a very different picture to the Sainsbury 's experience where most people seem to go because it 's thought to be cheaper ( depends what you get ) and there is more choice ( I 'll live with that ) . There are shop assistants who stop what they are doing and help you find whatever it is you are looking for . They seem to know what they are doing , what is on the shelves and whether there is likely to be such - and - such in the next few days . Walking up and down the the aisles I have fun pretending to be Stepford Wife , adjust my features to look like Katharine Ross ( it 's the 1975 version I like ) , play muzak in the head , beam benignly at people for no good reason , and if someone were to tell me to " have a nice day " I would probably reply , " yes , thank you , I will . " This is how my life needs to be at the moment - uncluttered , simple and serene . Yeah , right . Posted by It is the sweetness of interiors , the light inside compared to the darkness without , the one giving substance to the other . It is the red velvet cushion by an old oak table and the flames of many candles . I want this sweetness , I will not give up hope . There is a table covered with orange and red fruit , loaves of freshly - baked bread and red wine the colour of velvet . You ask for a glass of red wine and drink it quickly . I ask how you are . " I get anxious , " you say . " Sometimes I get anxious when I go out on my own . " On the way back from the Ladies you lose your way . I come half way to meet you and see you standing in a doorway looking left and right , baffled . You look happy to see me . A man has been watching you . " Is this your mother ? I think she got a bit lost . " You are re - telling bits of our history ; how you invited me to come with you to Switzerland for the good of my health , how you kept inviting me but I never came . You never did invite me but , having told the story , it serves as truth . You have told your husband and niece : " I kept inviting her and she never came . " The truth is that I waited and it never came - the invitation , the gift , the sweetness . Your days are numbered . I have seen it before , this sudden dimming of the light . We must have the sweetness wherever we can get it , there 's no time to lose . The perfume is in a range called " Chocolat " and is the richest of all three . Another one is darker , with an edge , sophisticated , and the other is the white chocolate of the three and popular , I am told , with younger people . It is champagne at midnight while fireworks light up over the river . But I have chosen the one in the middle that carries its sweetness unreservedly and without apology . It is £ 55 for the small size and £ 85 for a bottle twice the size . A saving , says the assistant , of £ 30 . But I do not want a large quantity , I want it small and neat , it will be enough so . I do not want excess . It is my birthday present . I will have it on my dressing table and wear it through the winter . Posted by One doesn 't always like to be summed up and labelled . Don 't you remember those teachers ' reports that were either not very nice or somehow failed to hit the mark ? And how one carries them on life 's long sojourn ( or completely discards them , but bear with me for the purposes of this post ) like an ill - fitting cloak ? And then later , much later , it happens that you are again summed up and labelled and this time it is like the gown that falls over Cinerella 's shoulders after the fairy godmother has uttered the words : you shall go to the ball . And you are , for once , appropriately clothed . You are a contender , a winner , a star - you are , in other words , a Nice Blogger . Thank you , David of Witnessing , King of Nice Bloggers . And , as if this were not enough to make you dance into the small hours , forgetting about midnight and M . E . and the fact that you are probably metamorphosing into a pumpkin as you speak , along comes someone else with something that has your name written all over it and - oh , it is like a custard pie in the face , the nicest of all custard pies ( and I know of which I speak for I like them very much indeed ) , and you lick your lips , sink your teeth into a bit of crust and just know that it is good , for it is an award for Blogging That Hits The Mark and it comes from Anna ( F . O . M . P . ) Mr . And just for that , Anna - you know what ? I 'm throwing an award right back atcha , har ! Have a Nice Blogger award yourself , and not just for that but because you are nice , dammit , and I 'm sure you know that but if you don 't then you should , and be proud of it . Because I say so . Because Nice is the New Cool as far as I 'm concerned and as I am a Blogger that Hits the Mark , what I say goes . Power , huh ? Goes to the head like champagne , is what I find . And Kahless - where is she ? She 's been hiding away for a space , but now she 's back and this is a good thing for she is Nice as well as a whole clutch of other things ( just count the awards ) and , plus , she makes a mean curry . I used her recipe , it 's the best . When you 've added the NiPosted by I 'm sure I must have said this before , but I have for some time now had this notion that there is a kind of black hole into which things disappear : mainly single socks and ballpoint pens - the good ones , I mean , not the kind we all have lying around that have run out of ink and for some reason refuse to be discarded . Of course it is annoying and inconvenient but I have more or less resigned myself to the idea and adapted accordingly , replenishing stock when necessary or just wearing socks that don 't match and writing important messages with the lime - green crayon that has stuck by me when other implements have dematerialised . But I can 't help noticing that the black hole is becoming more aggressive . It has begun to swallow umbrellas , kitchen utensils and books that I wish to refer to - and yes , before you ask , I do know what day of the week it is , the name of the Prime Minister and how to spell antidisestablishmentarianism . And much good may it do me . I want my socks , my pens and my books - particularly those . The black hole can keep the umbrellas if it wants . So it is that I come to my shelves looking for a slim volume by the poet Peter Abbs whose reading I went to last night , in order to reproduce a poem of his here , but I can 't . I will have to wait until either the black hole , as occasionally happens , spews it out again or I decide to replace it . I come away from a good poetry reading feeling this : that poetry is bread . That language matters , is essential , must constantly be revitalised , must be vital if we are to survive with souls intact . And our minds : if all words are hijacked by accountants , men in suits , Sun newspaper and slogan merchants , what can we know or apprehend and what are the consequences for the life of the imagination ? As an activity too , the making of poetry is good for a body , as I have witnessed many times in myself and in others . I haven 't written a poem for a while , and suddenly I miss it , that activity . I have been working on my prose project - ( ok , novel , but I 'd rathePosted by In my little town - the nearest one to the village where I live - there is a High Street with a Smith 's , a Boots and a Woolworths and an assortment of other shops you 'd expect to find in any other little town . Outside the Boots Opticians , by a paved walkway that leads to an underpass , stands a woman with a thick , dark brown plait of hair that comes right down below her waist , and in her hands she holds copies of a magazine . " Big Ishoooooo ! " she calls . " Big Ishoooooo , please ! " She has a powerful voice , like a strong , clear foghorn , and she holds the note at the end for as long as she has breath for the " oooooo . " Most people walk past , and if you slow down for any reason she will come up close to you , switch off the foghorn and try to catch your eye with her own , and she will smile with large rosy lips and beautiful teeth and her voice will become like a housecat 's pleading miaow as she says , " Big Issue , madam , please . Please , madam , Big Issue . " If you buy a copy she will reward you with a look that says you have done a good and beautiful thing . If you walk past she will draw in her breath with an eloquent gasp , as though she has just been stung by a nettle , before recommencing her chant . " Big Ishooooooooo ! Big Ishooooooooo , please ! " She is known , perhaps not surprisingly , as the Big Issue woman . She does not come from round here . She comes by train and goes back on it after her day 's work . She has been spotted getting off at Croydon . She has been doing this for years . The note never changes , nor does her voice falter or lose its power . She has always dressed exactly the same , in long skirt and serviceable boots with a shawl around her shoulders and , with that hair , she looks like someone from the cast of Fiddler on the Roof and I picture her great great grandma and mine and ( from the Ashkenazy line at any rate ) plucking chickens together in some shtetl . She has exasperated , irritated and intrigued me and now , after all these years , I would miss her if she suddenly decided to withdraw her Posted by Greetings , Blogfolk , and I hope this finds you in the pink . In Norfolk there was sun , sand , me and my shadow . Sometimes there were mermaids in the seaSome mornings there were pancakes and fruit for breakfast . At night there was moon looking at me through skylight . On my birthday there was home - made lemon drizzle cake . * Every picture tells a story - but a story is never , dear reader , entirely to be trusted . Or ? " I 'm telling you stories . Trust me . " ( Jeanette Winterson in The Passion ) . * There were words and there were words . There was word count . Good enough . * I am happy to be home again . Posted by Sometimes fatigue has the power to disarm me afresh - I stand back and gasp at the intensity of its singleminded purposefulness , its aim being to disable me and lay me flat . When it strikes it does so swiftly and decisively , no amount of pleading and negotiating on my part will shift its resolve . I can muffle it with pills and an overdose of caffeine but it will be whispering in my ear that it is only a matter of hours and minutes and I will be the more completely floored for having thought to go against its dictates . I have described M . E . as a stalker , but sometimes he ( it is still masculine , and given the nature of my primal relationships I don 't know why ) takes on a kind of god - like aspect . He is a jealous god , who will admit no others and wants to have me , by hook or by crook , for his very own and sometimes , even now , it throws me . I have spent three days trying to get shoes . In Clarks shoe shop I sat down and wept - well at any rate , I sat down . The bored assistant with pencil skirt and polished bouffant hair tried not to look at me as I brought back the shoes I had bought only yesterday . I didn 't talk about orthostatic intolerance and how any kind of shoes seem to hurt me these days even though my shoe size is a respectable size 6 standard fit , how I have been looking everywhere for those rubber Crocs that look and feel like beach shoes and are apparently out of this world comfortable ( I know about how you can get everything online these days but I need to try things on ) and how I would wear anything at all , even those PVC pump things in New Look , or their expensive Italian leather equivalent in Russell and Bromley as long as they put a sole between me and the ground beneath my feet and didn 't hurt . I didn 't say any of that . I said I 'd like a refund and she wondered how long till going home time . Sign here , she said , and have you got your Visa . I put the wrong pin number into the machine . We stared at each other across a great divide . I am going to Norfolk with three writing buddies . I am takingPosted by To have a poetry café you need a poet , a room with chairs and a tin . The poet is for bringing poetry , the room with chairs is for people who come and listen to the poetry and perhaps share some of their own and the tin is for collecting money from the people that come in order to pay for the poet and the room with the chairs . You do not need to have coffee . The word café is to suggest the idea of a congenial gathering of artistically inclined people . If you want to add flourishes you have a person with musical instrument making melodious sound , tables with flowers in jam jars and lit candles , incense , fruit cordial ( hot apple and ginger in cold weather ) , biscuits and a couple of bottles of wine for you and your mates or anyone who looks as though they might fancy some . And if people want something more rock and roll there are plenty of inner city venues . You won 't be getting the smoke - filled atmosphere these days but there will still be black walls and bleakness . I 'm not being snooty here , believe me I like all that and will go in search of it myself one way or another , but it 's no good being a black walls and bleakness merchant when you live on the Edge . We do things differently here and the punters like it . Well , I like it and I 'm number one punter , having begun this so as to keep the poetry buzzing on my doorstep , or as good as . What you hope is that people turn up - and they do , usually . Visiting poets , used to an audience of Sid and Doris Bonkers plus one or two more on a good night are surprised to see the room quite full . So Ros Barber wasn 't in the least put out by the relatively low numbers the other night , reminiscing about one gig where the only audience was the other poet and his spouse and how they 'd basically spent the evening reading back and forth to each other . I was disappointed that more people hadn 't turned up . Something about this time of year , I think - peoples ' kids going back to school , choirs starting up , end of season cheaper holidays , and perhaps it might have been bePosted by I am trying to decide on the right word for what I want to do - but there is a nick on the little finger of my left hand that bleeps a small hurt every time it hits the keyboard . How to bring random things like that into the picture is , of course , what it 's all about , just as it 's all about coming to the virgin ( increasingly keyboard ) page without a clear , or any , idea of what one wants to say . The nick on my finger is getting in the way of writing . Life itself gets in the way of writing but on the other hand , " the grave 's a fine and private place , but none , I think , do there embrace " or bash out their novels ( sorry , Marvell ) . So I 'm paring down or reducing ( which word , which word ? ) so as to be able to do it now while I 'm still , in my fashion , tickety boo . Ideally my day would begin early with a cup of mint tea or glass of fruit juice followed by a brisk walk on one of the many lovely parts of the forest I live right next to , a few hundred words bashed out before a nice breakfast of , say , boiled egg and marmite soldiers ( it 's all in the details folks ) or just fruit and perfect americano coffee with hot milk . After this I 'd bash out another thousand or so words before a light lunch of yellow pepper and courgette soup ( it 's a new recipe I was recently given ) or Caesar salad ( and don 't ask me who prepares these bonne bouches , it 's a fantasy , ok ? ) and the afternoon would be given over to catching up on reading , correspondence , small household tasks ( if I must ) editing and , the occasional taking of tea with a similarly - engaged acquaintance , more writing plus cultural pursuits and an exquisitely prepared dinner ( Moroccan lamb and couscous ? ) and wine in the evening . I think a new paragraph is in order so as to bring myself back . I think I 've said this before : it takes me most of the morning to incarnate into the day at all or , if I get up early , consequences will make themselves felt later . I am trying to remember how on earth I managed to do all the writing I did when the children were small Posted by On Friday I went to a funeral and yesterday I went to a three - year - old 's birthday party . Both were good . The funeral was for the husband of a friend who lives close by and is one of my long - time writing companions and I wished with all my heart that he would not die , he was not old . He wasn 't someone I knew well , but sometimes it doesn 't take much for a person to reveal what is essential about them . The goodness and simplicity of the funeral felt in accordance with the character of the man . I wept , as I have done at each funeral I have been to ( there have been four ) since my father 's death . As my friend 's husband was a Buddhist , there was a monk dressed in saffron robes who chanted by the coffin which was made of some kind of raffia type of material and reminded me of the Moses baskets that new babies are held in and is the most beautiful coffin I have seen and , I think , most perfect for carrying a newly - dead body from this life . I have no sense of where the dead go to , no conviction that tells me they are still alive in the spirit . Much as I would wish to believe that my father were somehow " there , " it is his absence rather than his presence that I experience most forcefully . But where belief and conviction fail , faith leaps ( sorry , could not resist ) in most extraordinary or ridiculous fashion - I can 't and won 't decide which it is and feel that perhaps it is both . I have this faith that the substance of a person , the soul , is there , wherever there is , perhaps returned to the place it came from before incarnating into the physical body at birth . I have also this intuition that tells me it is important , and not only for those who are still alive , how we conduct ourselves and rituals at the time , and in the days after , the death of a person . The birthday party was for my nephew , the son of my half - brother , one of the many half - siblings from my father 's second marriage . Born shortly after the death of my father and with a Portuguese mother , he has the Portuguese version of my father 's name : MPosted by It 's just that sometimes it feels like Boot Camp . But it 's ok because I have a Technique . Back to the old CBT method of reframing . Is that the term ? If a picture is crap then it stays crap no matter how you frame it , but there I go being unhelpful , let 's just say there is one way of thinking about something - and then there 's another . So , for example , the world is not a dangerous place for me and those I hold dear : that 's just anxiety , and if you say something to yourself enough times you can make it feel sort of true . I really ought to have become a confirmed Positive Affirmationer , I could have Healed my Life ten times over by now . But anyway , I like the word " just " and think I will use it more often . It is just M . E . It is just my dysfunctional family . It is just someone 's clinical psychosis . It is just subsidence . It is just a burst water pipe . It is just weirdness . It is just someone dying . So basically it 's all fine and I have taken some Co - proxamol . In the old days it would have been whisky , cigarettes and possibly a spliff or two , but musn 't grumble . This morning the weather had that first - day - of - holidays feeling , in spite of all the poor bleeders going back to school . I went out onto the forest . People think it 's just trees , but there is open heath land too , miles of it , and I can walk on any day of the year and find wide expanses of unpeopled places . So I walked and walked and walked to see if I could push through the barrier and slough off ( slough ? shrug ? ) the weirdness that is Other People 's Stuff , the better to focus on my own wonderful and winged stuff , but the barrier accompanied me and so did the Stuff . And now I feel very weird and full of stuff , but my son is watching a video of old Fry and Laurie sketches and there is an apple crumble on the kitchen table . For the moment , these are the particulars that I choose to let be the ground beneath my feet . And prescription drugs . While you are patiently waiting ( are you not ? ) for me to complete the first draft of what I ironically ( but only just ) refer to as my Magnum Opus - why not do yourselves a favour and go over to That 's So Pants and have a butcher 's * at the first chapter of her recently - finished book ? And if you like it , pass the word along , innit ? It 's The Full English , and tasty . * Cockney rhyming slang ( butcher 's hook = look ) It often surprises me to hear what people think I 'm like . Obviously they don 't tell me the uncomplimentary things , nor would I encourage this . The word " calm " is something I frequently hear , and " unflappable . " While these are pretty neutral in terms of how one assesses a person 's character , they seem to be qualities much coveted by people who lead lives that are increasingly rushed and stressful . I wish I possessed them too , to the degree that I appear to . In reality , I am a prey to every flying thought and a mere change in the wind 's direction is enough to increase the pulse rate . My daughter travelling across London during an underground strike is a minefield of what ifs , and don 't even begin to talk about night busses at three in the morning . I shut up about it most of the time or I would drive everyone and myself bonkers . There is no - one better in a crisis than me because I am always primed for it - I never need to read any of those Worst Case Scenario books , my undisciplined but vivid imagination has pictured it all . The single useful thing a cognitive behavioural therapist identified was that one of my Core Beliefs seemed to be that anxiety was in some way helpful : that by worrying one perhaps prevented the worst from happening . Obviously it isn 't helpful . " I " know that , even if my core believer doesn 't . It takes energy . It is not a good thing . On the other hand , but this will remain forever unverifiable , perhaps it is only my anxiety that is preventing the world from falling into imminent destruction - in which case , dear reader , you should really be thanking me . I 've been doing it too long , though . Someone else want to take over ? You know that feeling when there is an itch and you would scratch it if you could only locate it ; nothing serious , you just can 't concentrate on anything else until you 've found it . Or , as one of Charles Dickens ' ladies of a certain age ( but I can 't remember which one ) remarked : there is a pain somewhere in the room , if only I could find where it is - or words to that effect . There is something skewed , and it surely isn 't to do with the apples that have passed their prime and are dropping to the ground in disconsolate fashion and then just lying there waiting for the worms , or me to gather them into harvest home . And it surely isn 't to do with the the season 's turning and the nights coming on us , it seems to me , unseasonably early . Go to , in any case , and read your Manley Hopkins , or at least Spring and Fall - no , no , I am autumn 's child and do not suffer from seasonal affective disorder - unless - but no , this isn 't that . I am , though , it has to be said , uneasy . I make a mental checklist : Kids ' medical and dental things being sorted . Cat - ditto . My health as usual and certainly not the worst for which one is always thankful . Him Outdoors ' work situation ditto . Finances - obviously overspending but ostrich mode ok for now . House - might have another stab at selling the old girl . Extended family - nothing particularly nasty brewing ( or at least nothing new ) in the dysfunctional quarter , though one musn 't get complacent . Writing - ouch , oh . I haven 't done any since before Edinburgh and it is like playing a musical instrument or dancing or anything that requires you to turn up and do the thing regularly ; the days , hours and minutes begin to stack up and turn against you . I offer no coy excuses about not being able to get down to it - there are , as always , practical reasons why not and these have to do , as usual , with available energy . I have also , since my return , been experimenting with walks , seeing what happens if I take myself on a more demanding than usual stretch . I know frPosted by Have I been dreaming ? it is as though I have spent the last week or so at a non - stop surreal party . The Edinburgh fringe scene can 't really be described . Or it can , but rather as one might describe a dream . I still feel as though I 'm half in the dream and a bit out of the body so won 't try ( and can 't work out how to download the video footage we took , and Him Outdoors is watching football ) - but it was full of people and sound and extraordinary exuberance . I have come home to this : and walked on the forest today to try and bring myself back . But I still have Festival in my ears and eyes . We had an apartment right bang in the middle of the Royal Mile where much of the action is , in one of the tall old tenement buildings where Robert Burns apparently hung out during his time in Edinburgh , from where we could watch the tail end of the military tattoo pass by at night , and yet the bedroom at the back was quiet . Daughter stayed out partying until the small hours and slept on a futon in the huge front room and it might all have been perfect but for one little detail : we had booked a first floor apartment but they put us at the top of the building . There were seventy seven stone steps to climb up the circular staircase . Something to do with " overflow " , or the fact that the agency had fucked up and / or didn 't know or care about the reality of dealing with this when you have M . E . - which I had told them about . I am hounding them for compensation . And that 's all I will say about this except to vow to you , my brothers and sisters , that when I have finished hounding they will know and care a great deal more . On Wednesday I met up with lovely NMJ and we had supper together . I said I 'd be wearing something purple , but spotted her at once , sitting at the back of the restaurant scanning the menu . We slipped into conversation as easily as if we 'd already known each other a while - which we have , in a way . We talked about life and blogging , and then we talked about blogging and life ( and I could not resist askinReading the Signs 1 . I have a triceratops in my bath . 2 . He once had 3 brothers . 3 . I can make Tarka Dall like you get in restaurants . 4 . I don 't like buying new clothes5 . I used to love The Monkees . 6 . I believed that smoking menthol cigarettes made you sterile . 7 . I went to 11 different schools . 8 . I was expelled for missing a biology exam . 9 . I lost my virginity at 16 . 10 . The background music was Break on Through by The Doors . 11 . I had a grandmother called Eva . 12 . I have three different kinds of reading glasses . 13 . When I was 10 I wanted to be a ballerina . 14 . My father sang in South Pacific . 15 . My first word was " picture " . 16 . One of my fictional characters was a carpenter called Emily . 17 . I once had a best friend called Shakela . 18 . When I was 13 I wanted to be an air stewardess . 19 . The Female Eunuch is why I love Germaine Greer . 20 . My husband makes perfect bramble jelly . 21 . The first film I saw was a cartoon of Tweetie Pie . 22 . I have a stuffed donkey in the attic . 23 . I didn 't have breasts till I was 15 . 24 . I am a late developer . 25 . I read all the Enid Blyton Mallory Towers and St . Clare books . 26 . I have my own rock concert . 27 . I never liked Brussel Sprouts . 28 . I don 't tell you the half of it . 29 . I won 2nd prize for a daffodil when I was 9 . 30 . I can only drive an automatic car . 31 . I miss my father . 32 . I used to fiddle the electric meter in my bedsit . 33 . I haven 't been out of Europe . 34 . Unless you count a kibbutz in Israel . 35 . I know how to pick oranges and lemons . 36 . My Lewis chess queen says Oi Veh . 37 . I don 't have a favourite colour . 38 . My son once found a four - leafed clover39 . I have a necklace made of moonstones . 40 . I like IKEA meatballs with lingonberries . 41 . I thought I would never ever use a mobile phone . 42 . I have a Samsung D600 . 43 . My mother is 84 and very fit . 44 . She does Pilates and acqua aerobics . 45 . I was scared by a mountain once . 46 . I want to go ski - ing again . 47 . I have a favourite Sappho fragment . 48 . I kept my daughter 's milk teeth in a box . 49 . I can never find my nail scissors . 50 . I want a cigarette . 51 . IPosted by Time to put up a fun post , I suppose - not that I make any apology for the previous one or , indeed , any post that tells how it is with regard to M . E . , ingrowing toenails or the state of my herbaceous border . For the record , I do not have ingrowing toenails or even , strictly speaking ( for I have just looked it up on Wikipedia ) a proper herbaceous border . But if I did and they were causing me grief , I would talk about it when the spirit moved . The word " fun " is jangling around as I was today reminded of the late Andrea Dworkin 's remark : " I am a radical feminist , not the fun kind , " and what a loss it would have been to us if she had been that kind instead of the ardent and fearless campaigner that she was . And then I considered that I don 't much like the " fun kind " of anything much , really . The word itself conjures up a weekend in some dreary hotel with organised games for tired business people to try and get them bonded and generally perked up so they can go back to whatever deadly thing they were doing and carry on making money for the company they work for . Or it conjures up a karaoke night out with people who don 't like singing and have nothing in common other than the desire to get out of their skins for a space ( nothing wrong with that in itself , obviously ) - and in case anyone is tempted to let me know what a supercilious snob I 'm sounding : yes , I agree , each to his own - no blame , no judgement , this is just my take on things and if you give me a convincing story about a knockout and uplifting Murder in the Dark weekend or a Karaoke Night Out I 'll read and enjoy . I 'm not a miserable effer though , far from it , ( she says , putting on her red nose and cracking open the party poppers ) . Ok , maybe I am , then . But if so , then I promise you I know how to enjoy myself because while I despise Fun , I love play - real , intense , lose - yourself - in - the - moment play . It 's why I started making up stories , I reckon . It 's something I have in common with my daughter who , in the playground at schooPosted by
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Once upon a time in the murky past , Dr . Airedaleparent was a wildlife biologist , or as they were then called , a zoologist . I know more about the Indiana brown bat than I should , because he wrote his thesis about them , and have a low opinion of flat worms owing to his dislike of his thesis director ( for whom a species indigenous to Kentucky is named ) . Although I had a strained relationship with my father throughout my childhood and young adulthood , we could communicate about things biological . Growing up , I had a thing for owls . Because I was ' smart ' , people gave me a lot of gifts and cards with ' wise owls ' on them . I still dig owls , so does that make me a hipster because I thought owls were cool before owls were . . . you know . . . cool ? Anyway , this morning , we were all reminiscing about my father 's brilliant owl - wrangling technique . At the Chez , there 's a large fireplace in the family room . Often , in the winter , we 'd keep a roaring fire going in it which was banked at night for reasons of safety . One night , as my mother was getting ready to relight the kindling , she put a paper torch up the chimney to check the flue . She was a little surprised when she saw , well , talons skittering along the iron flue frame . She leaned into the fireplace and was shocked to see a pair of beady eyes staring back . She turned to my father and said , " I think there 's an owl in the chimney ! " Dad came over and checked , confirming that yes , indeed , there was a juvenile barn owl sitting on the iron flue frame . He said , " Surely when it gets hot , the owl will fly up the chimney and out . " It didn 't . We kept hearing that poor little owl 's claws ping on the iron all night as it danced frantically on the hot frame . My sister and I begged our parents to dampen the fire , but the night was cold and the furnace was out . We lost . The owl continued his skittering all night long , and then it stopped . Dad assumed the owl had found a way out , while my sister and I feared that it had died from the heat . Dad walked out and returned wearing his official owl - wrangling gear , to wit , Mom 's bright yellow dishwashing gloves , and carrying a towel . He instructed me to stand at the patio door and on his signal , open it and get out of the way . Mom gingerly held back the iron mesh fire curtain ; Dad pitched the towel over the owl , snatched the whole thing up , and trucked it for the door . I flung wide the door ; Dad hurled both towel and owl into the yard . If we thought the owl was pissed off before , you should 've seen it when it disentangled from that towel . I just remember my father standing there in his blue bathrobe and the Playtex Living Gloves , admiring his handiwork . For a long time , we had a resident owl in the trees behind the house , and I 've always wondered if it was our friend from the chimney , silently plotting his revenge for being thrown outside by someone with no fashion sense . A few weeks ago , I had a discussion with my sister about the lens of memory and its personal nature . This led me to consider who has the right or privilege to determine what is authentic or valid when we 're engaging in our own narrative . I pointed out to her that I 've tried to be clear as I 've composed this blog that it 's from my perspective , but there have been times that it 's become a matter of debate . So , who gets to define truth ? Who determines what 's valid ? Who gets to say that their version of events is the most accurate , or in the more emotionally - charged sense , ' correct ' ? My perspective will be at variance with hers - when I write , I 'm talking about how * I * experienced something . This isn 't about consensus , it 's about being honest with ourselves about how we experienced certain things . Does anyone have the right to force us to change the story so that it lies more in their comfort zone ? In my opinion , no . That robs the author of so many things , and at the very heart of it , it demoralizes and dehumanizes him or her . Writing is my catharsis . As much as I talk , a lot of it is a defense mechanism because I 'm socially awkward and don 't know how to really relate to others . I do better when I can collect myself and commit my thoughts in writing . It 's my release valve , so does anyone get to tell me that I 'm not allowed to do it because it makes them uncomfortable ? No . I 'm not lying . I 'm not airing the dirty linen . I 'm pushing things out of my head so that they 're not jacking up my blood pressure or causing me to lose sleep . There is a degree of circumspection , and of course , a lot of what I write from here on out is governed by my employer 's newly - minted social media policy . If you 've noticed , I 've hidden some of my earlier posts that may touch , however vaguely , on matters related to my life in academe - it 's an editorial decision based on self - preservation , more than anything . So here we are . I claim ownership of my ideas , of my past , and of my opinions . I claim the right to write them from my own perspective , but I can 't force anyone to process them in any particular way . That 's just the nature of intellect . . . Posted by My sister lost her elderly long - haired ginger tomcat a few months ago . The cat had been with her through thick and thin , including three moves , a home invasion , her getting married and merging households with her husband 's silver tabby and Golden Retriever , the death of both the silver tabby and the first Golden Retriever , the acquisition of the second Golden Retriever as a puppy , and the arrival of Guest Kitty , a small , declawed strong tortoise cat who is very , very sweet . The Big Orange Cat was her heart cat . She mourned him horribly . Now Guest Kitty is also terminally ill . Guest Kitty had a small fatty tumor on the left cheekbone near her eye that I noticed when staying with my sister and brother - in - law a couple of years ago while Mom was in the hospital in the Big City . When they took Guest Kitty for a thyroid checkup , the vet thought it was a harmless fatty lipoma and told them as much . As such , nothing to do about it but kind of let it alone . I love this little cat . She got out of the house last summer and we had to blanket the neighborhood with fliers to try to get her home . After a couple of weeks , some people just over the rise found her on their porch and phoned . Guest Kitty came home . We were a little frantic until she was safely back at my sister 's house . Guest Kitty has a parlor trick that 's really endearing ; she will pat you gently on the shin when she wants attention . If that fails , she 'll get on the furniture closest to your face and pat you lightly on the cheek . She also sleeps with me when I 'm staying there , hence " Guest Kitty " . My own tortoise cat is hateful , so I really appreciate how sweet this one is , too . Yesterday , my sister called as I was on my way to an out - of - town doctor 's appointment . After several minutes of her explaining how sick Guest Kitty is , I said I 'd drive on over to the Big City ( another sixty miles ) to see her . Guest Kitty will likely not be with us much longer - she has what the vet believes is a very aggressive cancerous tumor on her lower jaw . It 's enormous , invasive , and the poor thing is suffering . They will have to make the decision soon , because she 's not going to live through this . I picked her up a few times and carried her around their house . She 's drooling freely because of the tumor , so we 'd wipe her mouth and chin with a paper towel every once in a while . When it was time for me to leave , my sister picked her up . I let her head - butt my chin , and just before I stepped back , that little paw moved painfully forward . . . and . . . she gently patted me on the nose . There were beauty pageants , of course , and also , of course , I never entered them because I was a fat girl and my father objected on general principle . . . his mother was the very first Miss Arizona , and he had a low opinion of any competition that required a woman to stand around , look pretty , and not do anything else . Don 't get me wrong ; Daddy adored my grandmother . He had seen , however , how having been Miss Arizona was pretty much the big highlight of her life , and how badly other aspects of her ( she was as sweet as pie and the most loving , giving soul you could ever have met ) were frequently overlooked because it was overshadowed and superseded by " she was the very first Miss Arizona . " One year , my sister decided that she would enter the Miss Junior County Fair pageant at the last possible moment . It was largely motivated by the fact that one of her friends , who had entered far earlier , had developed cold feet , and she wanted to be there for moral support . It was a mad last - minute dash where we ended up borrowing a friend 's sister 's prom dress ( the sister was very tiny ) and engaging our hairstylist to fix her hair . Needless to say , in that category , the girls were supposed to be very cutesy . My sister , widely regarded as one of the most beautiful girls to ever come from our county , lost to a girl whose front teeth had recently fallen out ( the age category was something like 7 - 10 years old ) . Neither my sister nor her friend placed ; it was my sister 's first and last pageant . Our father did not attend , as he had opposed the whole thing . There was also a dance at the end of the fair . I went a few times in junior high and high school . I remember one year that it got so hot in the pavilion that I left and sat on the playground swings for almost an hour until Mom came to get me . Sometimes I 'd wander around looking for friends to ride the rides with me . . . although I had a higher tolerance for things like the Tilt - a - Whirl and the Scrambler that caused them to barf . Often as not , I didn 't have enough money for tickets , so I 'd just hide until it was time to leave . I also had a single fair - related gastronomical weakness : red candy apples . I was permitted one during the week , so I tried to wait until Thursday or Friday to buy it . I didn 't want funnel cakes . I didn 't care about cotton candy . I wanted that stupid red candy apple - because I knew I could only have one per year ; like anything else containing sugar , they were ' bad for ( me ) " and ' will make ( me ) fat ' . I 'd buy it , and if I didn 't finish it , I 'd wrap it in the provided doily and take it home ; the trick was to finish it before the candy coating melted into a molten slick of sticky goop . I 'll be there over the weekend , but I will enjoy the festivities at a distance rather than brave the park . I 'm a little long of tooth for the county fair these days , and I can 't stand the taste of those apples anymore . There is this thing called " eminent domain " that most landowners will only talk about after sprinkling themselves with holy water and praying for ten minutes . It 's the right of the government to take your land for projects ' benefiting the greater good ' such as widening roads or improving utilities . In the case of my family farm , it 's involved selling ever - widening easements across our property to the natural gas utility . Now , with the onset of fracking ( hydraulic fracturing ) , the industry is at it again . I 've written about my farm before ; I 've also written somewhat angrily about the bartering away of Hopkins ' family 's ancestral land in support of his father 's vanity . Their farm was very nearly as old as mine . . . and here in the sunny South , that is some serious business , threatening someone 's ancestral seat . We view it askance . Sure as anything , our buddies over at the gas utility want to run a 24 inch pipeline all the way across the state , parallel in my mother 's home county to the existing lines . What does that mean ? The Gas Men will come waving wads of cash under our noses and quoting their favorite veiled threat , yes , you guessed it : eminent domain . What that means is " Sell it to us ( un ) willingly or we will take it for pennies on the dollar , with the help and blessing of the Commonwealth of Kentucky and the United by God States of America " . Can you tell I 'm a little worked up about this ? Do I really need to go out to the middle of the family farm armed with a rifle , to scream at these bespoke - suited landsharks , " GIT OFF MAH LAND ! " ? It finally hit me that I 've spent the last several years buying boring clothes . As a librarian , of course , it 's expected that we 're not going to dress like we just stepped off a runway , and certainly , as a woman of size , it 's harder for me than someone who wears , say , a size 12 to find anything that doesn 't look dowdy or matronly . Sleeves , for example , are the bane of my existence - while I like sleeves , I don 't like elbow - length sleeves because they aren 't flattering to me . Most wrist - length sleeves are a hair too long . Sleeveless ? Oh , now there 's a whole new set of challenges - anybody who sews can tell you that patterns , even plus size ones , are typically drafted for a B cup breast . Guess what ? I haven 't been a B cup since the seventh grade . The other thing is that while I like patterns , a lot of what I 've been seeing the last little while reminds me of a Rorschach test . How is that flattering ? It 's distracting , I suppose , if that happens to be what you 're shooting for , but when you have hyper - intelligent friends , what invariably happens is that they 'll spend your time together interpreting the design . " That looks like two rhinosceri sparring . " " No , I think it looks like two ducks attempting to rip a junebug in half . " " Well , personally , I think it looks like the Crab Nebula . " You get the general idea . Last summer , I went against type and bought a bright yellow gauze skirt . I figured that with the color that far from my face , I could get away with it - sunny yellow makes me look embalmed otherwise - and it 's been sort of fun . I 'm just wondering if there 's anything , I don 't know , maybe " peppier " that I could add to the mix that might be more cheerful . I don 't want to look twee , but I do need a little pick - me - up of some sort . I might be middle - aged but I 'm not dead , either . I 'm also considering some changes to hair and makeup . Professionally , I wear an almost bare makeup palette , and lately I 've noticed that I look tired and washed - out . My hair is so long and fine that I have no choice but to pull it back in the stereotypical librarian bun . I feel old . I look old . I have to do something . As much as I 'd like to get a makeover at the Bobbi Brown counter , I 'm still a loyal MAC girl - but I need something doable , not something that will take three hours every morning . I 'm just too impatient to fool with that anymore . When I was in high school , I was on TV twice with the quick recall team . What we were told was : " Don 't wear white or black , and girls , don 't wear dark lipstick . This won 't photograph well . Blue or pink shows up nicely on - camera . " Being that guy at the D & D game who has boobs , and , well , the ONLY girl on camera both times , I wore the button - down Oxford sported by the two boys on my team , and the first time , mine was pink ( it was blue for the second taping ) . When they took the PR still for the local paper , I gave it my best smile , and . . . it 's the best picture ever taken of me . I 've lost my copy of it , but I still remember . That 's what I need to get back - a look where I can be happy and not hate what I look like , especially if somebody decides to haul out a camera . I guess I 'm sick and tired of looking sick and tired . . . Last weekend , I trooped off to the Big City with Hopkins in tow . Now , I 'm aggravated that he has passed comment on my driving ( remember , I survived his in high school , which was less - than - stellar , trust me ) , but I 'm still glad that he went . I was also mortified to learn , three days out , that during a few minutes when I 'd excused myself he paid for my ticket to the improv show . . . and has yet to utter a single peep about it . I 'd picked up dinner , but I had an ulterior motive : while it stands to reason that I have a higher income / it was not a date / it was technically I who invited him , the bald truth is that my little ego couldn 't take the Public Request for the Splitting of the Check . I ran the acute risk of offending him , but I calculated that against my own potential embarrassment . Sorry , Hopkins , I threw you on the fire , sweetie , and I know it . . . also , his dinner had cost a bit more than my ticket . That 's why we 'll call it even and not speak of it again . What happened next in the tiny theater is what haunted my sleep last night . The seating is set up cabaret - style , with chairs surrounding small cocktail tables . They 're crammed into a tight space and there was a large reservation scattered around us , although Stefan , my friend in the performing troupe , had made sure that our party was seated house - center . My choices were to crowd Lizzie , or to be a little too close to Hopkins . I figured that I probably had more latitude impinging on his space , but I misjudged it . When I sat down , my chair was too close , and my leg was pressed against his . I didn 't say anything because what played through my mind was , " Oh , crap , if I move , I 'll call attention to it . " He must 've been on the same page . When the gallon or so of water I 'd consumed at dinner kicked in , I hopped off to the ladies ' , and when I returned , Hopkins had quietly shifted his chair about a foot to the right . That felt a little excessive , but I had to admire his discretion . The completely closed body language that followed , though , is what hurt more . To frame it in sarcastic childhood reference , it smacked of Ye Olde Fat Cooties . . . or worse yet , was it Airedalegirl Cooties ? It 's one of those " Suddenly I 'm sixteen again , and NOT in a good way " feelings . I felt a sick flush creeping up my neck as I arranged my skirts and tried to do my best impression of a hedgehog , the same as when I have to travel by air and there 's some poor schmuck sitting next to me cursing his or her fate for getting stuck next to the land whale . Trust me , I get it : I take up more than my ' fair share ' of space . I don 't need to have that pointed out . . . but I bathe regularly and go to extreme lengths to make sure that I don 't add to that old chestnut that ' fat people smell ' . I try to compact myself as much as physically possible so that my fatness doesn 't rub off on others . I don 't like this body . I 've been judged on its lack of merit and found wanting so many times on so many levels throughout my life that it 's my personal hell . I 'm not comfortable in it , but I accept it . It can 't change overnight , and I 've always tried to be pragmatic about it . . . but there 's something especially crushing when that subtle rejection comes , and moreover when it 's by someone about whose opinion one cares . You can do everything under the sun to try to emotionally prepare for it , but it will never be enough . It hurt thirty years ago and it still hurts . Some personal demons just refuse to die . They call me AiredaleGirl , or in some cases , " the crazy Airedale lady " . I 'm on the faculty of a small rural Southern college and rescue Airedale Terriers in my spare time . These are my random musings on a range of things from the mundane to the strange . Opinions and viewpoints expressed in this blog are not in any way reflective of those of my employer . View my complete profile
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9 Comments » Except if those heads belong to two blonde twins with a serious case of the stupids . Because after reading Sweet Valley Confidential , I have come to the conclusion that there is no fate worse than the Wakefields . They are the worst twins ever ! Anyway to prepare you for this , I ask you to think back to high school , or perhaps say , junior high . You remember how you had that one friend you thought was supercool and who could pretty much do no wrong in your eyes ? But then , you got older and you realized they were kind of a gigantic dickbag loser ? That is what reading this book is like . You start out with happy memories and then watch them get slowly destroyed by poor continuity and even crappier writing . When I was much younger , I thought that the Wakefields were the $ h ! t . I related heavily to Elizabeth because I fancied myself a thoughtful literary type , but there was part of me that wished I could be a little more like Jessica and possess more of her sultry , boy - nabbing qualities . In fact , when I was very young and used to steal my babysitter 's Sweet Valley High books , I remember thinking that it would be awesome to be a cheerleader . I have no idea why I thought this considering : The book starts off with Elizabeth , who is now living in New York like the serious - minded good girl she is . No more being a bubble - headed California girl ! She 's a real writer now ! She is returning to her apartment after a dinner out with her boss when the phone rings . Because this is New York and therefore a scary , crime ridden place according to literature , it takes them too long to get into the apartment to answer the phone because of all of her door locks , so Elizabeth 's answering machine picks up instead . It is Jessica , whose voice is whining codependantly at them through the speaker . Elizabeth ignores it . Elizabeth 's boss is baffled by the fact that the voice on the machine sounds exactly like Elizabeth and is somehow not her . You know , for someone who is supposed to be the mastermind behind the crappy theatre magazine she works for , he seems a little bit dumb , like , if you worked at it , you could manage to convince him that Elizabeth was a sorcerer . Anyway , Elizabeth doesn 't want to talk about HER INFINITE SADNESS , so she gives her boss a glass of wine and considers sleeping with him to stop his annoying questions . She spends a moment drooling over his apparently doable body , but then decides better of it because she cries after her orgasms now . Aren 't you happy that Francine Pascal mentioned your childhood literary pal Elizabeth having orgasms ? How thoughtful of her ! I mean think of how much more enjoyable Little Women would have been if Louisa May Alcott had been saavy enough to mention Jo March 's favourite sexual position ! Totally pertinant to the story and not creepy at all , right ? So , having decided that there are no sexytimes to be had , Elizabeth unceremoniously dismisses her boss from her apartment . She briefly thinks of calling her best friend Bruce Patman ( I think I speak for all of us when I say WTF ? ! ) , but decides not to so she can truly Garbo it up and feel sorry for herself . I don 't know what it is you guys , but I think something superbad happened between Elizabeth and Jessica ! Cue the sad music ! This is mucho serious ! The next thing you know , we 're treated to a flashback of the twins in high school . They are driving to school and stop to pick up Elizabeth 's friend Enid Rollins who Jessica thinks is the lamest of the lame . They also discuss uberdreamy Todd Wilkins a . k . a . The Todd who Jessica thinks is going to invite her to " the big dance , " as though they don 't have dances ever damn day of the week in Sweet Valley . 2 ) If this storyline is true to what happened in the original books , this means that this is the dance from the first Sweet Valley High book Double Love . Many things happen in that book , but two of the most noteworthy are The Todd mistaking Jessica for Liz and subsequently thinking Liz is a slut and deciding Jessica is more worthy of dating him and Jessica getting so mad at the fact that The Todd has no interest in her she fabricates a story that he tried to force himself on her so that Liz doesn 't like him anymore . But apparently , neither the slut shaming or the supposed sexual assault are a big deal to anyone and everything ties up in a nice happy bow at the end of the book . Sweet Valley : perpetuating horrible sexual standards since 1983 ! Moving back into present day , Jessica is kvetching to The Todd about how Elizabeth is ignoring her . The word " Facebook " is used several times to indicate that Francine Pascal is hip and with it . This is not your Meemaw 's Sweet Valley y ' all ! . . . you know , in case you didn 't get that from the orgasm talk . They don 't get into everything that happened to cause the rift between the two sisters , but they tell us enough so that we know that Elizabeth and The Todd , Sweet Valley 's Original OTP ! , were engaged and about eight months ago , he left her for Jessica and now they are getting married instead . Oooh burn ! To throw old Sweet Valley lovers a bone , Jessica and The Todd head over to a party at Lila Fowler 's house . I have discussed my love for haughty Miss Lila before , so I won 't get into it again , but Lila is criminally underused in this book . If anyone should be calling the twins on their crap , it 's her , but instead she just stays in the background , wearing tiny shorts . Remember when your Viscount husband tragically died and then you hooked $ h ! t up with Bruce Patman in the forest , Lila ? That was awesome ! You are better than this ! Now Lila 's only defining characteristic - aside from the tiny shorts - is that she is married to Ken Matthews . To jog your memory , Ken was the Aryan posterchild who played football in high school . . . and as a grown up , he plays in the NFL . That is what you call smooth character development , people ! Actually just to stay on Ken for a minute as this is an interesting tidbit : in the high school , he dated Olivia Davidson who was crushed to death by a fridge during a horrible earthquake at the series ' end . However , when the twins came back from their first University break in SVU , Olivia was at a party they attended . So Ken has actually dated a zombie , which is pretty progressive if you think about it . It seems kind of weird to me that a bunch of these people were Elizabeth 's friends and are now at Lila and Ken 's party , but I guess that all of them are pals now . Or they all belong to some secret underground Stonecutter 's cult and this is a meeting or something . At least that would be interesting , which is more than what I can say for the book thus far . Let 's pretend , shall we ? Sorry , but I really needed to listen to that song . So yes , we 're at Lila and Ken 's palatial estate for num - nums or whatever and everyone is kind of standing around bored , until Caroline Pearce makes the tragic mistake of asking about Elizabeth which sends Jessica into a rage . Jessica is so pissed in fact that she yells " You 're sick ! " at Caroline who is currently regrowing her hair after chemo which . . . yeah . . . awkward . Jessica storms out of the party , The Todd in tow , but not before yelling at Lila for having the nerve to invite Caroline to her own house for her own party . * sigh * Where she and The Todd are in college and supposed to go to a party . However , Elizabeth 's superior physical makeup ( stunning aquamarine eyes and size six figure ! ) wasn 't enough to keep her from catching the plague , so she is not well enough to go . Instead she suggests that The Todd go with Jessica . . . Back in present day NYC , Elizabeth runs into Will a . k . a . Prick Todd at a bar and they start drinking together . They are served by random Irish stereotype bartender Liam who Elizabeth notes , is so hot her favourite cheaty twin sister Jessica would be all over him . This of course leads to a discussion about family and relationships and drama , things that Prick Todd and Elizabeth have in common . They bond over this and then Prick Todd invites her back to his apartment where they fool around a bit . Go Elizabeth ! You get your mack on ! Elizabeth heads home after some decent heavy petting and gets a call from her mom . Apparently , her grandmother is celebrating her 80th birthday and they want Elizabeth to return to Sweet Valley for her birthday party . Elizabeth says no way , but then thinks that perhaps it wouldn 't be so bad if she had Prick Todd come with her as her date . She calls him up and tries to lure him into her trap asks him to come with her but with his play only a couple of weeks from launching , he tells her that he can 't afford to get away . He does however joke that Elizabeth should bring hot Irish sterotype Liam with her to use as boy bait for stupid flaky Jessica . So the fool , I 'm afraid she gets thinking . . . A dangerous pasttime I know . But that crazy blonde bitch is her sister and her fidelity 's only so so . . . So the wheels in her head they get turning as Liz thinks of that loony old tart , see , with quite cunning use of that dumb Irish dude , little Lizzy can split them apart ! But before it gets too good , we 're back in flashbackland again . This time we 've moved up from Jessica and The Todd boning on his futon to a mere 8 months ago where Jessica is married to a dude named Regan . You remember the name Regan , don 't you Jess ? He was president when you first started high school ! Anyway , Regan is Jess ' husband ( second one by my count ! ) and he 's much older and basically pays for her to shop and jetset around the world . However , Jess is unhappy . Apparently , he doesn 't like to party enough and he gets jealous when she flashes her boobs at other guys . I know , right ? What a monster . So , six months into being married for a second time before she hits 30 , Jessica decides that she wants to end the relationship . Instead of talking to him about it like an adult , she lets him believe that he 's taking her shopping for the millionth time and then ditches him to run off to the airport where she catches a plane back to Sweet Valley . My eyes are rolling so hard in my head right now , I am afraid they 'll get stuck at an odd angle . 2 ) Winston Egbert developed some software or something that he made a bunch of money on and now everyone says he 's a jerk . You know , considering what a prick everyone else in Sweet Valley is , I have to wonder what the hell Winston did to make everyone hate him . I mean is he running a child prostitution ring or hosting dogfights ? Because from what I 've seen so far , I think Winston 's golden . Sorry , I had to stop for a minute there since my eyes were watering from the hysterical laughter . . . Jessica has too much integrity to sleep with him and instead heads home to The Todd . This gets her to thinking about the past and when she came back to Sweet Valley after escaping her tyrannical husband . In flashbackland , Jessica is living with Elizabeth and The Todd . Elizabeth thinks that Jessica and The Todd are getting on eachothers nerves , but anyone with eyes can see that they are really just sporting wood / ladywood for eachother . To get out of the house and away from The Todd so they don 't accidentally have sex again , Jessica goes for a walk on the beach and comes upon her brother who is locked in a loving embrace with . . . not Lila as many first supposed , but Aaron Dallas ! Steven was out and about running Wakefieldian errands one day when he ran into Aaron . They had been friendly in high school but never really close , so Steven gets caught up with Aaron quickly . Apparently after high school , Aaron went off to a real University ( Stanford ) and studied architecture . After that , he lived in San Francisco for a while ( I think this is Francine Pascal 's version of a pink flag ) before coming back to Sweet Valley . I am not really sure why , after living in a place as exciting and progressive as San Francisco , one would want to come back to Sweet Valley . It 's like a crazy sinkhole for hopes and dreams ! But yeah , he 's back and they arrange to get together . The night that they are supposed to meet , Steven doesn 't tell Cara where he 's going and he gets really excited at every dude who walks in the door thinking it 's Aaron . They hang out in the bar for a bit before Aaron tells Steven that they are heading back to his ( Aaron 's ) place . Holy $ h ! t , you guys ! Steven Wakefield is keeping it on the downlow ! Fifteen minutes in a Chili 's with Aaron Dallas and he 's totally up for gay sex ! And those jalapeno poppers weren 't even laced with anything so he can claim ignorance later ! And now I am wondering if he is a top or bottom ! Aah ! My head is so filled with questions ! Why , Francine Pascal ? Why are you putting these things in my head ? So Jessica knows and Steven is freaking out because everyone else still thinks he 's straight and he 's not ready to tell them that he isn 't yet . . . and you know guys , I 'm not really one for advocating spousal deception , but knowing a lot of people who have come out , it can be heart - breakingly difficult . Coming out , even when the people around you support you , is hard . Because there are a lot of people who won 't support you and those assholes can be loud and mean and sometimes they carry rocks as one of my awesome friends learned the hard way . Hell , putting aside other people , even just admitting it to yourself can be a major emotional struggle . According to this book , Steven not only just discovered he liked dudes in his late twenties , but he just discovered it like a month ago and now he 's forced into the awkward situation of having to incidentally come out to a family member . It 's scary . Steven begs Jessica not to tell anyone yet because he kind of needs to process this himself and figure out how to deal with his own personal situation and Jessica agrees . Well , let me amend that . Jessica agrees for about five seconds , then drives over to Steven 's house and interrupts one of Cara 's marathon pie baking sessions to out Steven to her . Jessica does this as she thinks it is her duty to get involved and believes that Steven will thank her for it later . Because it 's better to be dragged out of the closet than to come out of your own accord . Man , Jessica , sometimes ( by which I mean all the time ) you are one cold , conceited bitch . Back to our present non - outing time , Liz has lunch with Prick Todd and tells him she took his advice and is now bringing yummy yummy mantreat Liam with her to her grandmother 's birthday . Will is like " Yeah , I was joking about that , you lunatic . That is a supreme bad idea and you will live to regret it . " You know , Prick Todd , you actually speak some decent sanity ! I 'm changing your name to Nonprick Todd ! Unfortunately , the sanity is not really working for Liz who is annoyed that someone is finally calling her on her bull $ h ! t and , instead of directing her anger at her stupid no - good sister and stupid no - good The Todd , she turns on Nonprick Todd and yells " Fuck you ! " right in his face . According to Elizabeth , she is 27 - years - old and that is the first time she has ever said those words . Seriously , Liz ? You 've never even song along to this song ? After she swears at Nonprick Todd like a Tourette 's Sufferer and runs back to her apartment , she decides the most awesome thing to do is to call up her bestie Bruce and discuss the grandmother birthday party happenings . As it is , he has already been invited to the party by Mrs . Wakefield to act as Liz 's pseudodate , so he 's feeling a little put out that Liz is now bringing her own party guest . And why is Bruce feeling so put out , you might ask ? Because he secretly loves her ! Flashing back to some years ago , Bruce 's parents got in a horrible accident and were both rushed to the hospital where they both later died . However , while poor Bruce was waiting to discover their fates in the hospital , Elizabeth came to be with him . In fact , she came every day and held his hand when no one else would . It was one of the few things that got him through that horrible time and it made him realize that he truly loved her . Oh my God , you guys , is Bruce Patman my favourite character in this book ? Because I think he is . At some point , before the truth is revealed to Liz , Bruce finds out that Jessica and Todd have been carrying on behind her back . Bruce wants to tell her , but is incredibly conflicted because he feels like he would just be telling her for his own personal gain and that would be kind of malicious . These doubts are removed from his mind when , over burgers at local restaurant , Elizabeth tells him that she and The Todd are close to setting a wedding date . Not wanting her to marry a man who is secretly horrible to her , Bruce bucks up the courage to tell her the truth when Ken Matthews runs into the diner they are sitting in ( because there was an APB out on them ? ) to announce what is the most surreal and thankless thing that happens in the entire book . I cannot even tell you how annoyed by this I am . Winston gets one scene in this entire book where he is actually present and do you want to know what that scene is ? He almost unknowingly spilled the beans about Jessica and The Todd cheating ( he shared the apartment with The Todd and thought he and Elizabeth were having sex in it ) and then The Todd moved out and totally dumped him as a friend because he was scared Winston would rat him out ! So from there on out , none of his friends talked to him and he was completely abandoned ! And then , all anyone did was talk about what a dickbag they thought he was ! Until one day , when he got sad and drunk and fell off his balcony and died ! All Winston ever wanted to do was to make people laugh and have friends and wear glasses and then , for the sake of drama , Francine Pascal unceremoniously offed him ! What the suck , dude ? ! While Elizabeth and Bruce are off at the diner hearing about poor dead Winston , Steven has been home and I guess been confronted by Cara about the whole gay thing and the fact that Jessica told her . So , as he is super angry at Jessica - and kind of rightly so since it was not her secret to tell - he barges over to Elizabeth and The Todd 's where Jessica is staying and yells in her face about it . Steven calls Jessica a selfish bitch ( AMEN ! ) and because she can 't deal with being confronted with her $ h ! tty behaviour ( doesn 't that sound familiar , LIZ ? ! ) , she starts to cry . The Todd , being a sucker for a damsel in distress , goes to comfort her and the comfort turns to kissing and Elizabeth walks in on them . . . except she isn 't really looking at them and doesn 't see what they 're doing so , instead , she assumes someone told them about Winston and they are comforting each other . Bruce , however , totally sees them and thinks they 're jerks . Sometime after the funeral , Jessica 's rich old husband Regan shows up at Elizabeth and The Todd 's place in Sweet Valley . I am not really sure to what real end since he doesn 't seem to have divorce papers or even be all that invested in getting Jessica back . But Regan does totally see Jessica and The Todd jonesing for each other which he manages to point out to Elizabeth before scooting away in his sports car . Elizabeth finally totally notices the fact that they 're kind of inches away from doing it again and she confronts them . They are so lame that they neither try to deny it or apologize for it . C ' mon The Todd ! At least , play her a meaningful song or something ! In fact , I have the perfect one ! In now permanent present time , Elizabeth has arrived at Grandmommy 's birthday with man - bait Liam . There is some reference to how this is just like a movie ( Picture Perfect ? ) except that Liam doesn 't sound as charming as Jay Mohr . Much to Elizabeth 's irritation , Jessica doesn 't seem interested in Liam but Liam seems hella - interested in Jessica and keeps fawning all over her . This makes The Todd pretty angry and before you know it , all the Wakefield siblings are fighting and Alice is yelling at Ned to " bring out the fucking cake ! " I kind of like that Alice has finally reached her limit with her stupid scheming children to the point that she starts yelling about fucking cake in the middle of her octagenarian mother 's birthday . That 's kind of boss . Elizabeth leaves Sweet Valley and heads back to New York where she still has to interview Nonprick Todd . I 'm going to switch it back to Will now because I am tired of typing the word Todd more than I have to . She is a little stressed out about how it 's going to go due to the " Fuck you ! " face - shouting incident , but he somehow apologies to her and they manage to get through the interview relatively painlessly . Then , when the interview is over , out of both horniness and a desire to keep him from asking questions about her family , Elizabeth has sex with Will . And she doesn 't even cry once ! Hooray ? I don 't know about you , but I think it 's kind of creepy that Elizabeth is constantly using sex to shut dudes up . Is her vagina some sort of crazy cone of silence ? Does sex with her cause select muteness ? I don 't get it . So after sex with her interview subject ( at least it 's slightly more professional than sex with her boss ? ) , Liz returns home to her apartment to find Jessica waiting for her . Jessica has apparently left The Todd ! * sigh * For Christ Sakes , you stupid moron ! You are pushing 30 now ! Running away should no longer be your go - to relationship move . Because , seriously ? Relationships can be hard . Sure , there are awesome , kick ass , fun times , but there are other times that are not so fun where people lose their jobs or your sex drives are at odds or one of you gets sick or whatever . And part of loving someone - I mean truly loving someone - is realizing that no matter what you are enduring at the moment , you 're enduring it with your partner because you are a team and they have your back . That 's what love is . Getting through life together . And you know what ? At the end of the day , sometimes getting through the crappy parts together means more . Getting through all the great stuff together is nothing , because anyone can stand by you through the great stuff . It takes someone who loves you to hold your hand and help you make it through the hellish parts . Grownups don 't run ! Back to the twins . Jessica starts crying over The Todd and Elizabeth sees that she loves him and with like five teardrops , their 8 month feud is at an end . Can you believe it ? Jessica 's tears must be made of diamonds or something because I have never gotten out of anything that easily . Jessica heads back home to be with The Todd and Elizabeth stays in New York to finish her article and see Will 's play . The play does pretty well and Liz is happy for Will but she realizes when she sees him with his ex - girlfriend that she is not in love with him and that they are better off as friends . Is this a mature decision from Miss Elizabeth Wakefield ? Did someone switch the book I am reading ? Because I don 't believe it . I also don 't believe it when Elizabeth heads back to Sweet Valley to be Jessica 's Maid of Honour in her Wedding to Elizabeth 's long time boyfriend . When Wakefields mend fences , they do it with iron posts , bitch ! But before she goes and deals with wedding stuff , Elizabeth pops by to see Bruce Patman who has big news . First , he tells her he sold his house in Sweet Valley ( for $ 10 , 000 less that they buyers were willing to pay because he doesn 't care about money anymore . Is this really Bruce Patman ? ! ) and second , he 's moving to New York because he loves her and wants to be where she is . Bruce Patman is my favourite character in this whole book you guys ! What is up with the universe ? ! I know bands don 't have slogan , but if they did , theirs should have been " Mr . Big = Huge hair . Rhythmic clapping . Denim . " So both Wakefield sisters end up with people who have personalities that match their opposing twin . Snarky and brash Jessica marries sensitive and thoughtful The Todd and sensitive and thoughtful Elizabeth is lovers with snarky and brash Bruce ! I am sure there is some sort of weird Freudian theory that this is an example of , but the book 's happy ending is Jessica and Todd 's wedding , so I don 't want to get too far into that . So that is the entire book . Now don 't get me wrong , it was pretty awful , but I also fully acknowledge that if she writes another one , I will still be all over that garbage because there 's nothing quite like a good train wreck . Oh Sweet Valley , you are totally , yet fascinatingly , awful . I am a big movie buff , so when I heard that the Bloor Cinema here in Toronto was playing Raiders of the Lost Ark this weekend , I got a little excited . I love me some Indiana Jones so possibly being able to see it on the big screen made me smile . Also , 1980s Harrison Ford = awesome . So , naturally , Boy and I got to talking about Harrison Ford and I brought out the eternal debate - which Harrison Ford would you rather be or be married to ? Star Wars Harrison Ford ( Han Solo ) or Raiders of the Lost Ark Harrison Ford ( Indiana Jones ) ? Boy immediately said Star Wars Harrison Ford ( " You get to have adventures in space with a wookie as a friend ! " ) , but for me , it was not that easy . Yes , there is something amazing about Han Solo . He 's quick with a quip and fast with his ship * , but being a space smuggler isn 't exactly legal which would mean you would have to spend a lot of time bailing him out of space jail . And then , when the Empire fell , what would happen to the smuggling industry ? What would we do when that kind of work dried up ? Could Han Solo be persuaded to happily lead a life on the straight and narrow or would he get fat and resentful ? Therefore , I picked Indiana Jones . He might not be as quippy or have a space ship , but he does have a steady job as a university professor and , as we find out later , his dad is Sean Connery who would make for awesome father - in - law ! Sure , there is the problem of being chased and shot at by Nazis all the time . . . and if you had ophiophobia , it would probably be a bitch to be married to the guy , but I figured the travel and the fun would outweigh those negatives . There are of course drawbacks for either choice . If you 're Leia , you 'd be related to Mark Hamill who kind of sucked , but you could always distract yourself from that by looking at the adorable Ewoks . If you 're Marion , you 're the mother of Shia LaBoeuf which I think is far worse * * ! As this post got me thinking about how things were back in the day , I thought I would write a companion piece about clothing trends from my youth . Everybody ready to relive some horrible fashion ? Let 's go ! When I was a little kid , I had a pair of these . I think they were purple . I 'm not sure why people thought that footwear made of traction - less , transparent plastic was a good thing but they were all the rage when I was about 5 . Hey , everybody ! Check it out ! You can see my dirty feet through my shoes ! The marvels of science ! Remember snap bracelets ? They were flexible pieces of steel covered in some sort of cheap fabric that , when you slapped it against your arm , would curl around into something resembling a bracelet shape . I remember spending my entire allowance on a giant roll of snap bracelets when I was in the second grade . I had them in all sorts of bright colours AND I had a sparkly gold one . You know , for fancy / classy occasions . They ended up getting banned but their snapping was pretty much the soundtrack to 1989 . A shirt that changed colour when heated up ! I wanted one of these when I was a kid so badly but my mom wouldn 't let me get one . And as a 27 - year - old woman , I sincerely thank my mom for this . I mean seriously , why do you want to pointout you have pit stains in vibrant tie - dye ? While the concept of wearing mini shorts under your skirt makes sense , it 's also hella ugly . I actually remember wearing a dress that had hotpants sewn into it if you can believe it . The dress was checkered black and white and the hot pants were bright pink with lace trim . I had two pairs of these . The first pair was white with peach and mint green laces ( for some reason , it was better to have more than one pair of laces in your shoes at the time ) and the second pair were made of . . . wait for it . . . purple suede . I remember thinking they were supercool because they came with little license plates . Ugh . Mayim Bialik , I shake my fist at you for making me think this looked cool ! I had two different hats . One was dark purple and I pinned the brim up with a pin I got from Northern Reflections and the other was black velvet and had a rose covered in fake plastic dew on it . I thought the dew was soulful looking . * snort * This is pretty accurate to the kind of shirts they were . It 's actually kind of funny that a daredevil style brand did so well with preteens . " Woo ! I jumped the curb on my bike ! No Fear ! " I had a ridiculous number of vests in my wardrobe when I was like 13 . I remember I had one that I spilled Wite Out on once and it broke my heart . Little did I know , the fashion gods were doing me a favour . There are still people who wear large pants , but they don 't seem to be wearing them as epically large as they used to . When I was in middle school , I remember there was an announcement on the PA for anyone who had trouble navigating the stairs due to the size of their pants to report to the office immediately . I 'm not sure whether or not they were trying to smoke out the big pants people or help them , but either way , it was kind of sad . I owned a pair of $ 80 Silver Tab wide legs when I was 15 , but they were never so big I couldn 't move in them . This trend I felt was particularly weird because the acronym stands for " For Us , By Us " , the us being the Black community , but it was like the whitest dudes in my school who wore it . I remember some dude I liked in the 11th grade ( who had an incredibly Irish name and skin as white as snow ) walked around all the time in a shiny red FUBU jacket . I should have realized then he was a massive tool , but instead I crushed on him for a couple of more months until our semi - formal when I asked him to dance and he growled " no " at me . I ran off and cried in the women 's washroom but after maybe five minutes , I realized I could do better than a jerk like that , so I stopped , went back out to the party and asked an even cuter guy to dance . He said yes . So suck it Mean Dude * and wherever you are Cutie McNicepants , thanks for being awesome and cheering me up ! 🙂 This isn 't clothing but I had to include it because of it 's ridiculousness . For some reason , in the late 1990s , the idea of streaking colourful / sticky stuff through your hair was a good idea . I can 't remember why just now , but I know I had a tube of Copper colour and that it got on everything . * I don 't still care about this and I 'm sure this dude is probably a nice enough guy now , but at the time , it was pretty rude . I think if you 're not into someone , there 's a nice way to say no . Plus , considering my attention span for boys at the time , I probably would have gotten bored with him in a couple of weeks anyway . 4 Comments » Maybe it 's just me , but New Year 's Eve is kind of overrated . There 's all this pressure to make it some sort of ultimate landmark event when really , it 's just another day on the calendar . Happily enough , Boy feels the same way , so aside from the first year we were together where we , we 've made a point of staying in for it and watching a movie . This year 's New Year 's was marked with a viewing of the classic 1982 film Conan the Barbarian . Boy loves the stories of Robert E . Howard , so we picked up the double Conan disk at HMV to satisfy his curiosity . Unfortunately , the movie was so inaccurate to the stories he loved , it resulted in what I can only describe as nerdy hategasm . b . He is wearing the most horrible wig I have ever seen in my life . Seriously , it looks like they stole a wig from Cher 's tour collection and slapped it on his head , that 's how ridiculous it is . The evil army takes Conan from his home into the desert where they chain him to some crazy turbine thing at a mill which then helps him grow up and turn into Ah - nuld who is crazy big and muscled . Now , never having owned a slave , perhaps there is some essential piece of knowledge I am missing here , but considering you are holding someone against their will , maybe it 's not such a good idea that you let them get so big and muscly that they could crush your windpipe with one hand . But then again , maybe that 's just me . Ah - nuld is then sold to a dude who puts him in some Ultimate Fighting tournaments in which Ah - nuld slices up people so hard , they spray red paint ( I know , amazing , right ? ) . But even though he 's dominating in the ring , Ah - nuld 's ancient version of Mickey Goodmill isn 't happy with that so he sends him to the Far East where he learns to be a War Master by studying philosophy and poetry . Because , apparently , when someone is running at you with a spear , the best thing to do is quote The Art of War at them . Because that deflects weapons . So , Ah - nuld 's master finally decides Arnie has paid his dues and releases him into the wild . While in the wild , Ah - nuld stumbles into a cave where he finds a sword all covered in rust . He then manages to bang the rust off in big chunks to reveal a pristine sword underneath . Does rust really work that way ? During his travels , Ah - nuld meets two thieves named Subotai and Valeria and together they steal this gigantic jewel from some cultists . Instead of leaving town and taking their loot with them , they stay in the town where they just robbed someone and the lady thief wears the jewel around her neck like a pendant . Good plan ! " Hi ! My name 's Valeria ! I like long walks on the beach , fighting armour that really doesn 't protect me and men who grunt ! " Since Valeria wants to settle down and have a peaceful domestic life ( women be crazy ! ) , Ah - nuld sets out to do the quest by himself . Along the way , Ah - nuld runs into a crazy wizard whose name is Akiro in the movie but apparently Mako in real life . I didn 't think his stage presence was so powerful that he only warranted one name , but there you have it . Anyway , Akiro bobs along and cackles much like Rafiki in The Lion King and seems to serve no purpose until James Earl Jones pops out of nowhere and has his men crucify Ah - nuld on a tree . Ah - nuld 's thief companions find him there on the tree , bring him to Rafiki / Akiro and through some sort of crazy and poorly animated ritual , bring him back from the dead . Nice of them to give the dead guy another shot ! After Ah - nuld sleeps off the last of his being dead , the trio goes to track down the princess . Apparently , she is being held at a palace where an orgy is taking place , but the people at the orgy are so clothed , it looks more like someone 's basement during a high school party . Dry humping abounds ! James Earl Jones spots them and turns into a giant Muppety snake which they manage to fight off , but in the fray Valeria dies . . . or at least we think she does because it was at this point things got a little wacky and the DVD stopped playing . Now , it could have been a disc flaw because we did buy it for cheap , but I choose to believe that the DVD took mercy on us and decided to spare us from having to watch Ah - nuld be emotional . Whatever the case , when we skipped to the next chapter , she was gone , so we assume she bought it . After Valeria 's death , Ah - nuld takes the princess and sets up a Home Alone style trap for the bad guys in the desert . He uses the princess as bait and the baddies fall for it , splattering red paint everywhere . As is the case in all action movies , Ah - nuld has one close call , but ends up being saved . . . this time by Valeria who has somehow managed to return from the dead as a disco valkyrie . She kills the bad dude and asks Ah - nuld if he wants to live forever , but instead of breaking into a rousing version of Alphaville 's " Forever Young , " she vanishes into the breeze . Sometime during the big fight , James Earl Jones ran away ( perhaps to record his voiceovers for the last Star Wars movie ? ) , so to get revenge for his lover 's death , Ah - nuld tracks him down at some crazy big temple . Instead of fighting back , James Earl Jones stands there lethargically and lets Ah - nuld behead him . You wouldn 't think that a beheading would be entertaining , but this one is pretty funny since the head they use looks like it was stolen from a mannequin in the Junior Miss department at Sears and makes the most hollow noise you have ever heard when it falls to the ground . I can 't say I totally blame the Foley guy though - it must of been a pretty sad flick to work on . The movie then ends with a shot of a bored and hairy Ah - nuld sitting on a chair as the narrator explains that he goes on to be king in another more interesting movie . However , having also watched the second Conan movie ( which features Grace Jones as an Amazonian bad ass and Wilt Chamberlain as the protector of Kevin Arnold 's sister 's virginity - IRONY ! ) , I can tell you that this never happens and that that movie ends in the exact same way . Boo - urns ! * If you have never experienced one in person , a nerdy hategasm is basically a cacophony of sighs , grunts and angry statements about accuracy and staying true to source material . I can 't tease Boy too much for having one though , since regular readers will probably remember that I experienced one when I watched the 4th Alien movie . HATE ! San Francisco was amazing and we had a fantastic time sight - seeing and eating and relaxing . Unfortunately , since we got back from the vacation , it has been a nonstop workfest for both me and Boy so many things have fallen by the wayside , including my blog . Most days , by the time I get home , I just want to sit and veg in front of the TV . . . which is kind of how Boy and I came up with the Park Holiday Fest . We rounded up all the Christmas themed movies or TV show episodes we have in our house and so , for the past several days , we 've been ploughing through about an hour and a half of holiday themed programming a night . Scrooged : Remember when Bill Murray made movies in which he was funny and didn 't take himself too seriously ? It was a mighty long time ago I know , but this was one of my favourites growing up . I particularly liked Carol Kane and her wackiness , even though she sent Bill Murray to the hospital after ripping his lip open . Ouch . The Office S2 - " Christmas Party " : This episode was the first episode of The Office I ever saw and it made me fall in love with Jim and Pam . How badly did I want them to get together and how sad was it when he slid the card back into his pocket ? Foiled for another season ! Invader Zim - The Most Horrible Christmas Ever : Invader Zim is a little more of an obscure show but it 's still pretty funny . It 's about a little green alien with a moronic robot sidekick who is sent to Earth to take over the planet . . . except he really isn 't any good at his job . The song sung by the little green aliens minions stayed stuck in my head for days . " Bow down ! Bow down ! To the power of Santa ! Or be crushed ! Be crushed ! By . . . his jolly boots of doom ! " The Big Bang Theory S2 - The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis : There are two groups of people in the world - people who get this show and people who don 't . We do and this episode in particular cracks us up . " Do you know what this means ? ! With a healthy ovum , I could grow my own Leonard Nimoy ! ! " Family Guy S3 - A Very Special Family Guy Freakin ' Christmas : Original run Family Guy at its finest . Lois gets tranqed ! The Griffins learn the meaning of Christmas ! Stewie gets plutonium ! Degrassi Junior High - Season 's Greetings : This is kind of amazing in that it features the worst jump cut I have ever seen when the character of Yick enters the cafeteria twice in a period of thirty seconds . Aside from that , it is kind of a lame duck of an episode since it is mostly a clip laden retrospective that is meant to make Arthur and Yick 's friendship look meaninful , but instead makes it look kind of creepy . What kind of teenage boys have friendships that revolve around stealing , lying , and watching porn together ? Futurama S3 - A Tale of Two Santas : The second Futurama Christmas episode . I particularly love the " I Am Sparticus " inspired " I Am Santa Claus " scene where everyone shows up to Bender 's execution dressed as Santa , except for Zoidberg who comes as Jesus . Oh Zoidberg . . . Frasier S1 - A Miracle on Third or Fourth Street : Fraiser hosts a radio show and takes some of the most depressing calls ever , but is then taught the meaning of Christmas by some random homeless dudes in a diner . Would anyone learn lessons at Christmas time without the homeless ? I think not . Frasier S3 - Frasier Grinch : Fraiser discovers the mail order presents he got for his son were misdelivered and has to go to the mall to buy new ones . Oh the mall - the indignity ! ( To be fair , I have worked in a mall during the holidays and it is awful . Boy and I often joke that , like being forced to join the army in Israel , every person should have to work retail for at least one Christmas so they can know how horrible it is and then perhaps be nicer to salesclerks . ) Square Pegs - A Child 's Christmas in Weemawee ( Parts 1 & 2 ) : Square Pegs was an awful show Sarah Jessica Parker starred in in the 1980s . It revolved around her and her best friend starting high school , trying desperately to make the cool kids like them and failing miserable . We think it was supposed to be a comedy but it feels more like some sort of weird televised sociological experiment in that the jokes are not funny , the canned laughter seems wildly unsure of itself and the audio appears to be operated by a drunk and / or narcoleptic . Apparently a random shot of a window equals uproarious laughter . Anyway , to get through it next year , we 've decided that we will take a shot every time they wear awful ' 80s outfits or say the phrase " frozen eel chunks , " since we are pretty sure that we will be stinking drunk about five minutes in which should make the remaining 55 a lot more bearable . The OC S1 - Chrismukkah : The Cohens celebrate their mega holiday with Ryan for the first time . I know the rest of the seasons of this show were kind of a mess , but this first year still brings joy to my heart . It 's a Christmukkah miracle ! My So - Called Life - So - Called Angels : Angela Chase learns the true meaning of Christmas from Juliana Hatfield who plays a homeless girl who is really an angel . The ending was a tiny bit lame but every time Angela 's mom finds poor beaten up Ricky in the church , I cry . ( On a side note , never play a drinking game where you take a shot every time you see someone on MSCL wearing plaid . You will be dead within the first 10 minutes . ) Gilmore Girls S1 - Forgiveness and Stuff : I miss watching Gilmore Girls on Wednesday nights . I know it was ridiculously twee , but it was sort of a homey little show . I miss you , first season Rory and Lorelai ! Extras - The Extras Special Series Finale : When Ricky Gervais is good , he is really good . This finale is an example of his awesomeness , not only for the Clive Owen stuff ( NSFW ) , but for Andy finally sucking it up and admitting how important Maggie is to him . Makes me happy every time . How The Grinch Stole Christmas - This is my favourite Christmas special of all time . I have watched it every year since I was a kid and I never stop being entertained by it . So fantastic ! The Muppet Christmas Carol - This is Boy 's favourite Christmas special and it has grown on me considerable . It was the last one we watched before we opened our presents to each other last night . Paul Williams might be a weird trollish looking man , but if you manage to get through this entire song without smiling , you are dead inside . What about you , kind readers ? Is there anything you watch to get in the Christmas spirit ? Let me know and maybe we can add it to our schedule for next year ! Me : As Gina dreamed of running away and was crying in the night , I don 't know how hot working at the diner was . Besides , it didn 't make a difference to them if they made it or not . They had each other and that 's a lot for love . . . KayDee : Firs of all , thank you for almost making me shoot tea out my nose with the term " Bon Jovi Economy " . Secondly , what you don 't understand is that when you have an axe like that you need to make it * talk * … no amount of street performance or teaching bratty 8 year olds is going to get you the kind of dough you need to pay for the quantity of conditioner you need to keep your highlighted mane luxurious . Maybe Gina should have considered a job in a salon . Part of it probably has to do with the fact that work has started to speed up for me and Boy ( my work in academics keeps me busy and the video game Boy has been working on for three years is about ready to launch ) , but the other part is probably the whole outdoors / being Canadian thing . I don 't mean to say it as though we are all crazy Eskimo lumberjacks up here and that we need to be chopping down trees or commanding dogsleds to survive ( although some movies would have you believe that ) , but more that , because half of our year is so crappy weather wise , we have to get outside and enjoy the good weather while we can . Making hay while the sun shines as it were . Anyway , things in the Park household have been good . As with every year , we 've been catching summer movies when we can . I don 't know if it is just me but I 've been feeling generally disappointed by the big summer blockbuster movies . Star Trek was fun and had two of my movie crushes in it ( Simon Pegg and John Cho ) but Terminator Salvation was kind of a bummer . So I went into Salvation hoping for the best and while I liked parts of it , it was so uneven and unemotional that I felt kind of bummed . I think , unfortunately , this had a lot to do with Christian Bale and the fact that his acting range leaves a little to be desired . He 's either whispering forlornedly or shouting SUPER ! INTENSE ! THINGS ! , but it 's all played in this kind of bland disinterested way , so it 's really hard to give a crap . Personally , I think I would have enjoyed it better if the movie had just focused on the Anthony Michael Hall - esqe Kyle Reese and the hot Terminator dude and if Bale had just shown up at the end for a cameo or something . I mean I know he 's Batman and everything , but I think the dude needs to lay - off the superbutch man 's man parts for a while and do something more fun like a sequel to Newsies . Does anyone else remember that movie ? I used to love the crap out of that flick and I still remember some of the songs ( specifically this one - so deliciously cheesy ) . In any case , I 've found on the whole that going in for some of the smaller art house fare has turned out better . So far , I 've caught The Brothers Bloom and Away We Go which were both good and Boy and I have plans to catch 500 Days of Summer later this week which I 'm really excited about . Have I moved into the age group where explosions just don 't cut it anymore ? Say it ain 't so movies ! In addition to movies , I 've also been reading a lot . The book club seems to have died a sad little death ( maybe I 'll try resurrecting it in the fall ? ) , but in spite of that , I 'm trying to keep exercising my brain and have been ploughing through title after title . I finally starting logging the stuff I 've read in a book journal and it would appear I am currently working on my 36 title of the year with several others on the horizon . As of this morning , my Amazon Wishlist had 227 items on it so hopefully towards the end of the month when I get paid again ( my company only pays us once a month ) , I 'll be able to binge a little and grab a few more books .
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No , you don 't understand . . I use to dance . I went from the old days of rock and roll , andcountry swing , Slow dance , polka , waltz even . The chicken and some of the other crazy ones . But as I was watching a show with my greatgrandchildren . . I saw a show , that had someonewho came from the future . . ( must have been atake on the Michael Fox movie ) . . and they weredoing dances of the 1950 's . . . okay . . . but thenone of the future kids said something about notteaching the 50 's group their style of dancing ofthe future . Then it hit me . . I don 't know how to dance . . I haven ' tdance for about 25 years . . ( except at my daughter ' swedding last August , and they played a lot of 80 ' smusic ) . What is the dance of today ? I haven 't evenheard of a dance being mention . Do they even havedance halls , granges , do they dance in taverns anymore ? Oh , my gosh . . . I CAN ' T DANCE ! ! ! Guess I willhave to stick to the music in my head as I do housework andplay the Village People and Chuck Berry 's music . Do I hear groans out there ? Sorry . . . My cousin just got finish going thru a lot of the pictures and letters that were sent toher mother over the years . I was one of those people . In Thursday 's mail , I got a surprise extra large envelope . I came home and dumped the contents out on to the table outside . I knew there was going to be pictures . . mostly of the kids over the years . And she did mention the letters . I looked thru the pictures , one at a time . Some of my oldest daughter and next to theoldest daughter with their father ( who passed away almost 20 years ago ) . Thesegirls are 52 and 50 now . Wow . . There is a sprinkle of grade pictures , as wellas others of places and friends . What a wonderful visit to the past as I wentthru them . Then there was the letters . . that sprinkled from 1972 to 2005 . . . mostly in the 1980 's . I was going to call my cousin to thank her , but figured I would read just one of the letters . . 2 hours later I had devoured \ each and everyone of them . One by one . . I walked thru my past with the kids in tow , and my husband who passed awayin the 1986 , there was ones after each of my parents passed away . There was somewow 's , as I had met my niece and nephew for the first time . . Some of my mother ' sreaction to me on my return visit after not being there for 11 years . Some ofit was with tears . After I finished reading each and everyone of them . . I thought about the letters oftoday . A lot of people don 't write letter now . . and more don 't keep them , likemy aunt did . I keep the ones my children write , but to be honest I don 't keep others . . Now I wish I had kept my aunt and uncle letters . But I answered them and later threw them away . What a shame . Letters are almost like a diary . When you read the ones you wrote 10 , 20 or even 30 to 50years ago . . . you get a glimpse of what your life was at the time and what youthought about it . Being I devoured each one of them , couldn 't read them fast enough to get to the other , I will have to sit down one day soon and go thru them again , and this time readthem slowly , to thoroughly enjoy each story . Thank you , Aunt Harriet foPosted by Tomorrow early am . . two sweet little guys ( meaning one girl and one boy ) will be showing up at my doorstep . . . delivered by their grandmother , mydaughter . Dad is Army and he and the mom are headingto California for some kind of a appreciation celebration . So two little sleepy heads will show up at the early hour . . and then shortlyafter they will become live wires . He is 2 or 3 and she is 4 . And they aretypical little ones . . Especially the little guy . Hell on wheels , always on thego . So bring out the Nana 's toy box . . . Lucky for me , I have a large and fenced in yard . And the weather is supposeto be in my favor . I will have to try to reach back in this old mind of mineand remember what kind of games little ones want to play besides carry the dog , pull her by the tail and chase the cat . I think Rokon will find a hiding place forthe day , In the garden or somewhere under some bushes . Misty knows to hide under the bed . We should do pretty well , and I am glad to help out , while Mom and Dadget some time to themselves , and have fun too . But come night fall , theywill be all grandparents charges . They do a lot better than I do , they areyounger and have more toys . lol . . So late Friday night , you will know which one is me . . as the kids will leaveabout 5 and I will be the one at 6 laid out in the chair with the wine glass inher hand . LOL . . . as I haven 't taken care of little ones for 18 years . Sherman Hemsley , TV 's George Jefferson , diesis the headline . . . Seems like there are a lot of our favorites are moving on up . Kitty Wells has passed away . . . I had the good fortune to see her inperson with her husband Johnny Wright at the Bostonian Ballroom inEl Cajon , Ca . in the early1960 's . She was such a sweet lady with a beautifulvoice . This was before Loretta Lynn became a big name . Kitty was old time country western music . . With Ernest Tubb andHank Snow , Jim Reeves . These were some more that I saw there . . andErnest , boy did he have a huge ring . I was on one side of the counter and hewas on the other , and he asked me to hand him the sugar for his coffee . . . Whenhe reached for the sugar , I saw that huge ring . Jim Reeves stayed overthe 1 : 30 am stop time . He sang until 2 : 30 am . He truly was a gentleman . Glen Campbell , and Buck Owens use to come down from Bakersfield and sing at the Lakeside Inn there . Seems like parts of my young adult hood is passing away . . Andy Griffith , Ernest Borgnine in McHale 's Navy . . . and the movie Marty . . . and many more . I know as I age , that it stands to reason , my favorites are aging and passingaway . I know when Johnny Cash passed away , I felt like my 20 's , 30 's and 40 's all wentwith him . Ugly bird 50 cents ( hiding under the flowers . . . cat planter , $ 4 at yard sales . squirrel 25 cents . So this is what I have been doing this summer . . . . so far . . . . plant on the left is a white clematis . . hope it does as well as the one on the right . yard art . . . yard sales . . cowboy 50 cents . . old face , use to light up . . have had it 10 years , doesn 't light up anymore . . . but still worthy . pot in front is hard to see , but it has a tinyrose in it . . got it 4 years ago for mother 's day . motorcycle spinner . . . So here is a few things that kept me busy for the past month . . . this lights up at night time . . those are suppose to be lightening bugs in the jar . . we had them back East . . a lot . . . don 't know why we don 't have them here . . the temps run the same . . . These are Hawiann shirt lights . . . spinners . . . Our new gate between the garage and house . . . see the signs . . . can you read them ? One was a gift for our wedding . . 13 years ago . . and the one on the right , the King made forme . . when I told him what I wanted it to say . this is the fishing side of the deck . . . screen door art $ 2 at yard sale . . picture of fish $ 5 at yard salelittle signs 50 cents . this is the farm side . . . barn art $ 4 and hobby horse $ 2 at yard sales . . . sign $ 1This little girl I found at a yard sale for $ 1 . . . she was stone color , and the King painted her for me . Dog was purchase from old K - mart store long ago . . driftwood garden and yard art . . . scarecrow 50 cents . globe 50 cents , trucks 25 each . stacked these cinder blocks and the King used them for beans , peas , and sun flowersMisty hiding among the plants . . . 50 cent signs from yard sales . . . one says . . " Gardners know all the dirt " and Welcome to our gardenBlack berries are doing well this year . . Clematis is doing well . . . near the flag is a white one . . in 3 years it should be doingas well as the purple one is . . Took these cinder blocks and made a wall planters out of them . . . We have the pergola doing well , it has lights and spinners with a plant at eachcorner . The King out did himself in these planters this year . Duck family at the bottom of the trPosted by What happen in Colorado is horrible . Did you know that in April there was another onein that very same town . A man entered a church andstarted to shoot . . . the difference is between these isthe outcome . In the church was an off duty or retired ( I forgot which ) police officer . He shot the man beforethe man shot another person . Had there been an concealed weapon person there , whoshot out at the young man , would it have stopped ? I don ' tknow . They would have to figure out fast , that he hada flak jacket on , and shoot him in the head . Otherwise , it would have been a shoot out . But 12 people so farhave died , so maybe it would have been the same or evenless . There is always should have , could have , would have after thefact . But as we find out that we are not safe in schools , churches , and now theaters . . . will here be more people getting concealedweapon permits ? I know that with all the crash in the door , and rob people going onin Spokane , city about 70 miles east of us . . . there has been moreand more women who are talking about taking shooting lessons , andgetting permits . I still am not comfortable hooting a gun yet . Not to that point yet . I use to shoot guns in the past , but got away from doing it . Andif you aren 't sure , you are a fool to carry a gun . But there are alot of women who are taking the classes . I would like to see the laws we have enforced . . . so many times thereis plead bargains and such . Let 's use the laws we have , before we makemore news ones that won 't be enforced . I am involved with the meetings that the little city I live in , that they havefor a workshop dealing with zoning . . they meet once to twice a month . This is besides the usual council meetings . It always amazes me that I am the only public person there . Thesepeople are trying their best to do what is good for the people . Evengoing back and forth with their ideas of what they think is the way tohandle things . Always with the public in mind . Here they are , 3 to4 council persons each time , the mayor with the city clerk and our guru Ms Keys . Hashing out the dos and don ' ts . . They could so easy put up whatevery they wanted , and no one cares . They will have a public meetingafter they are done honing the laws and policies . But 99 % of the time , no one shows up . Except me . I find that sad . We are so lucky to have the council we do have . They are 4 veryconcern people , who are constantly weighing in , on what the publicwould want . Not a selfish one in the bunch . And the mayor is excellent . He has some very good common sense thoughts . Isn 't afraid to throwthem out there for others to chew apart or agree . We are so lucky tohave him . We are so lucky to have these fine people who come together , for so little pay , but for the good of the city . Giving up their time for eachmeeting , for a town that doesn 't seem to care . . . . . . . unless it is something intheir neighborhood . For those who having caught it yet , being a council person or even a mayor , is a thankless job . Even more so at other cities that you read about . Whyanyone would want to be a council person is beyond me . I got an email from myserver , last night , that they are changing a few things . I let out a big sigh , andlooked it over . . . and started see if I couldtake care of business . . . Well , it doesn 't recognize my password , so I went with forgotpassword . Of which it then tells me itdoesn ' trecognize my email . Well , that is wonderful . . . how did I get the emailfrom their office , if itdoesn 't recognize my email . . . Oh , well , I emailedback and told them there wasa mere little problem . . . so will take careof that today when theyemail back . I know you have heard thisbefore . . BUT I HATE CHANGE ! ! 49 years ago , I was sitting , well actually laying in a hospital , waitingfor the magic to finish . . . and then there was this cute little boy withblack hair , long hair . Whichwas really weird as his two sisters cameto the world , bald , andtoothless and blonde / red headed . His father was thrilled , asit looked like side burns . . . you know the Elvislook . He is our first son . . . so he became spoiled . And as he aged hebecame no sister 's fool asthey tried to pull things on him . He was anescape artist , as he made itover to the neighbors house for cookies byremoving his slates in hisplaypen , and pulled up the fencing from thebottom and scootedunder . His sisters dared him to ride acalf bull thatwas in our yard , that belongto his uncle . They had tried and was dumpedoff right away . . . Which atthe mere age of 3 he climbed on and rode it to the fence . He has a smile a mile wide . He is a great husband , father and grandfather . Lover of the woods , hisHarley and pulling jokes on his brothers . But firstto help out . And I can 't wait until next year . . . . . yousee . . . . son # 1 is turning49 today . . . This sign kind of said it all for our Saturday . . With us waking up to pouring downrain . . . we had a cookout planned for at least 2 months . . . with invite to 14 people . We woke with . . WHAT THE HEY ? What do we do now ? ? ? . . . So it was time to putt . . . . shift gears . . and set up tables in the house . . . for a cook in . . So the King started cooking . . . the whole inside was ready for 14 to eat . . . but then to oursurprise . . . out came the sun . . . So it was make shift sitting cushions . ( others were soaked ) out comes the tablecloths . . and wha . . la . . . we are ready for a cook out after all . . . Fun was had by all . . . good food , good friends , lots of laughter . . . See the sign was right . . & if all went right , what would we have to look forward to ? Posted by On Thursday night , I saw my computer , lack of a betterword . . crash . I was doing a restart after doing a restore . . . and a littlesign came upthat had letters and numbers , telling me , that it wasn ' tgoing to startbecause it was lacking something I needed to reset up . After tryingeverything I could think of . . and still could not get passthe sign . Restart , cooling off , safe mode and etc . So had to resort to F3 , theRecovery . . . which means good bye all things personal on thecomputer . Documents , pictures and etc . . Back to factory condition . . . meaningwhen I got it from the factory . My heart sank , because it had been about 3 months since Ihad downloaded my recent pictures . Which I do every 3 months . . buthadn ' tgotten to it . . . GOOD BYE PICTURES . . . But wait . . I can get some of them . . I have some of them onmyBLOG . ! ! ! So it isn ' ta total loss . . It is a recovery of about 2 % , put at least it isn 't total . Right now , it isn 't as bad as I fear , because I had savedimportantthings . . but the realization of it all , will come when I goto retrievewhat I need . . . and find out . . . that it was before the crash . . . Gosh I miss hard copy paper stuff . . . space consuming yes , butatleast it doesn 't disappear before your eyes . . On top of the list of things that humble you . . . computercrashinghas to be up there at the top . And thank you son # 4 for not only telling me that a computeris justa toy , ( a darn frustrating toy ) , but for giving me a outsideof the computerhard drive to download things to safe . . Onward , forward , andtrying not to look back . . . I have so many things on my plate this week . . . Last night I had nothing to post about . . . ( a lot of times I will post date a posting for the next day . ) . . so figured morning would come and something wouldenlightening me . . NOTHING . . . plus the fact I startedas soon as my feet hit the floor . . So far this morning , I have brought in the garbage pails ( garbage day today ) andthe neighbors . . I have pulled stuff out of the freezer , started to par boil eggs , and potatoes and meat for this weekends get together . . . And now I am preparing the cut veggies I need , cut , chop , slice and etc . I grabbed a cup of coffee . . opps forgot breakfast . . . . dog is barking , it istime to go get the mail . . Her highlight of the day . . to come back with herhead out of the window , with the breeze with her ears flying . . . So much to do , and it is suprising . . . how much fun I am having , since I gaveup reading about the latest hate emails , and watching the latest on the television . We saw about a minute as we were switching channels the other night . . and welooked at each other . . wow . . so vicious and they haven 't even started the convention yet . Wow . . and the ticker tape was giving a question , " should we skipthe conventions ? " my vote would be , might as well , as they aren 't what theyuse to be . . most of it is decided already as it is . . Well , buzzer is buzzing for the precook . . have a great weekend . . Over the years the King and I have joked about him in a red convertible . We have passed some and I will point out , there goes your car . . Well , when we were at the " go to guy " for our mechanic stuff . . in theparking lot for sale was a 1995 RED Pontiac Firebird . And of course the famous words came . . look . . . there is your car . . . lol . . . Well , he decided to look at it and was given the chance to go for a spin . I was driving my car back home , as I passed him going back to the garage . I didn 't see any grill at all on that car . . it was all out shined by the grin onmy dear husband 's face . I knew there was going to be a red car in our future . He hummed and hawed for two days . . yes , I want it . . we shouldn 't spend themoney on another car . . . no we don 't need it . . . where am I going to put it inthe winter . . ( I added , he could clean out the small garage and put it in there . ) Yea , but we have too many . I replied we could sell my little white car , asit was starting to nickel and dime us . . Yea , that would be nice . . but no . . I don 't need it . . We will get it for you , he says . . . Oh , no , I replied . . this is all your car . . . And that is the way it went all day and night on Monday . Tuesday , he calls from work on lunch time . . what are you doing , he asked . Nothing , just some house work and etc . why ? Well , I was thinking . . . I thinkI will stop by to see the red car . . . lol . . Thought you had decided you didn 't wantit . Well , I was just thinking . . Told him this was his last chance to the " Red Convertible " . . . . so he better think hard . . . it would be the last expensiveitem , that he will get while I am alive . . So better make up your mind . He comes home . . paces , tells me what the bottom line was for the price . . Checked with insurance gal , and it is affordable . . . So we went over and lookedand he is still humming and hawing . . told him last chance . . now or never . OK , I will . . we went in . . paid for it , went to the motor vehicles dept , gotlicense , went to insurance company . . all covered . . . He takes me for a ride in it . . and I asked . . so what finally got you tWord Tosser If I go to a concert , ( which I probably wouldn 't anymore ) and pay big bucks . . I expect to get my money 's worth . The entertainer owes me that much . If I watch a show on television . . . I expect the entertainer to do a good show . The entertainer owes me that much . . . If I buy a cd or even a dvd . . . I expect the entertainer to do it well . . so I get my money 's worth . The entertainer owes me that much . . . What the entertainer does NOT owe me . . is his or her personal life . Not the style , not the family life , not their attitude about life . None of these . I am sure I must be in the minority about this . . other wise all those scanda sheet type magazines , and papers , wouldn 't be selling so many of them . And the different shows like Entertainment Tonight and suchwouldn 't have such high ratings . All of these , I do not buy nor watch . The idiots and scum that run around within a foot of allthese entertainers , is not doing it for me . See I could care less what the actor , singer and his / her family does . Where they go on their own time . I sure the heck would not wantanyone doing to me . . what those do , to the entertainer . Yes , I know , that a lot of the entertainers bring it on themselves . Not all of them but I am sure the younger they are , the more theirego 's have to be fed . But the ones I really feel bad for , are the children , of these entertainers . Use to be they were off limits . But now it is a free for all . I have to question the safety of thechildren in all of this . I don 't know why , but none of this appealed to me . Same goes for my neighbor . Or even my family . . what goes onin their own private life , is none of my business . I am strictly on a need to know basis . If they need me to know , they will tell me . I won 't ask . a note . . . . I might be late posting tomorrow . . . or might even skip it . . have several thingsto do , one of which is getting the car fixed . . So if I am a no show tomorrow . . don 't fret . . lol . . as if you would . . lol GONE FROM POSTING . . . . . . . VISITING WITH OUR OUTLAWS . . . WE ARE ALL OUTLAWS IN OUR FAMILY . . . WE HAVE ALL AGREED . . THAT A HOLIDAY ON WEDNESDAY ISJUST NOT RIGHT . . AS EVERYONE HEADS TO WORK THIS AM . HAVE A GREAT 4TH . . . SEE YOU NEXT WEEK . . At least I think I do . And I am really getting sick and tired of being treated as a child becauseother adults do not take responsibility of being an adult . When others go thru life feeling the rest of us are responsible for their mistakes . And we end up changing our lives to make it easier for them . I am talkingabout the latest of these measures . The child proofing of laundry soap . I happen to use the new Tide colorful soap packets . It works great for me . But because some mother 's who don 't act responsible . . . I have to deal with another " CHILD PROOF PACKAGE " What kind of mother puts her laundry soap where a child can get it anyway ? I had many products that were not for children to handle . I kept them in high closet / cupboards . I had later , when I became a grandparent , a child clip on cupboards . Never did I think the product makers had to child proof the product for me . It was MY responsibility to make sure my children , my grandchildrenwere safe . . NOT the producer , nor the government . GROW UP PEOPLE ! ! ! ! I am becoming a creature of habit . . . It is Monday , so that means wash day . Every week . . same thing . . Every Mondayand every Thursday . wash day . Tuesday is vacuum day . Never was organized before . . if anything just the oppose it . Now why I don 't do all of it in one day , Ican 't tell you . . seems like it isn 't as bad ifI spread it out . Besides even if you do it allin one day . . you just have to do it over in2 days anyway . lol . . . And of course , weather has everything to dowith the schedule . . because when it is beautifulout , I am out of here . . can 't stand to be in thehouse , when the weather is good . And because today promises to be great , I havecoffee cup in hand and I am out of here . . Have a good day .
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Get a copy of Not Just Rockets and Robots : Daily Science Fiction Year One . 260 adventures into new worlds , fantastical and science fictional . Rocket Dragons Ignite : the anthology for year two , is also available ! " Science Fiction " means - to us - everything found in the science fiction section of a bookstore , or at a science fiction convention , or amongst the winners of the Hugo awards given by the World Science Fiction Society . This includes the genres of science fiction ( or sci - fi ) , fantasy , slipstream , alternative history , and even stories with lighter speculative elements . We hope you enjoy the broad range that SF has to offer . Annie Bellet is a voracious reader , an accomplished horse - back rider , and an incurable nerd . Her fiction has appeared in magazines such as AlienSkin and Contrary . She lives and writes in Portland , Oregon . Find out more about her at www . anniebellet . com The boys lay on their backs side by side staring up through the open roof of the abandoned building . Dylan clutched Meek 's hand in anticipation as the ground shook and a roar filled the air . Tiny pebbles danced up from the ground around them and dust ran like water off the crumbling walls . The shaking increased and he had to release Meek 's hand to shade his eyes . Smoke billowed up into the air , a streak of fire ahead of it . Then the true sonic blast of the rocketship hit them in a wave as the boys squinted to make out the ship speeding through the atmosphere . It sounded like the crackling of a hundred fires , or perhaps the blast of the biggest blowtorch Dylan could imagine . " What kind of peppers ? " Dylan grinned back . They 'd had variations of this conversation before and Dylan didn 't pay much attention to Meek as the boy launched into his usual daydream about gardens and pepper plants . Dylan smiled back and chose to show him instead . He bent low and nibbled at Meek 's lower lip before pressing in for a full kiss . Meek tasted of dust and salt and underneath that something else entirely that Dylan couldn 't name but knew was good . Dylan 's hand slipped lower , curling against Meek 's hip as he pushed aside his over - sized flannel shirt . Meek growled in protest and pulled back . Dylan pulled away and stared hard at Meek before looking up into the sky . It was getting late and he knew Meek was right . He stood up with a groan , bits of dirt and crumbling wall drifting away from his jeans . " All the time in the universe . " Dylan smiled back . He leaned in for one last kiss before he turned and made his way towards the shadow of the Green Zone walls in the distance . Twilight deepened on the horizon as Dylan crawled free of the old sewer tunnel and emerged into the dilapidated shed in Mr . Wong 's backyard . He quietly retrieved the clean shirt he 'd stashed in the waterproof plastic bin and dropped his ID tags back over his head . He 'd pass distant muster , though he thought close scrutiny might show how dirty he was . However , Dylan had long since decided he 'd die of shock if his parents ever looked at him that closely . He 'd found the old tunnel and dug it clear again nearly a year ago , which meant many a night coming home with unexplainable dirt coating his skin and leaving tracks on the front steps . They 'd yet to comment . No one was in the front hall as he pushed carefully through the bright red door and closed it behind him . He stole up the stairs and dumped his clothing into the laundry hamper , even the cleanish shirt . He banged the worst of the dirt out of his sneakers and climbed into the shower . His parents didn 't ask him about his day at all ; instead his mother talked about the latest ionized fuels her team was developing while his father nodded . Dylan listened with half an ear as he picked selections from the various dishes arrayed on the pristine white table . The noodles were too slippery with sauce and he battled to keep them in his chopsticks . He wondered if they 'd taste better with peppers . Meek would know the right kind . None of the aeroponic complexes in the area grew peppers , but Meek had assured him that he 'd seen them in the brochures for the space stations . They grew everything up there . It took Dylan a moment to realize his father was speaking to him . " Yeah , I guess . " School didn 't start for another month , but at least his father was trying . " I thought I 'd see if I could do an independent study . Maybe on agriculture . " " What 's wrong with physics ? I thought we agreed that since you struggled so much last term you 'd work more on it next year . " His tone carried an unspoken " Don 't upset your mother " in it , and his thin black mustache quivered as he set down the green plastic chopsticks . " Dylan , nothing is set yet . Our lottery might not come up to go to Elle Five or its satellites . " Dad 's smile was sad and small . " What about Elle Four station ? They 're taking people . I want to save up , buy a little place . " Dylan shivered . Speaking the plan aloud , even if it was only half of it , felt odd but somehow relieving . Like it might be real . Mom chuckled . " Jong , please ask my silly adeul where he plans to raise millions of dollars ? " She rose and started clearing away the dishes , still shaking her head . Dylan shifted in his chair , his eyes hot with tears . He glared down at his half - eaten food . " It was just a thought . I 'm tired and have reading to do . " He thrust his chair back harder than he meant and winced as it hit the wall . His father rose more gracefully and moved to intercept Dylan , reaching out to touch his arm . " It 's good to dream , adeul . Just remember the earth under your feet while your head 's in the clouds . " Dylan slept late . When he awoke , both of his parents had already left for work . He threw together his day pack and went into the kitchen to scrounge up a picnic for Meek . His father had stacked the mail on the table . Dylan 's delighted eyes fell on the thick envelope addressed to " Dr . and Dr . Bak " from the Elle Five Beta Corp . His father always saved the brochures for Dylan and it made him smile . Meek would be thrilled too . He stuffed the envelope into the larger side - pocket in his cargo shorts , knowing Meek would be happier if he waited for them to open it together . In the shed Dylan slipped off his ID tags and checked his watch . Getting out of the Green Zone was generally easier than getting back in since security was mostly to keep " the unfortunates , " as his parents called them , out of the compound . The tunnel was narrow but thankfully dry and free of spiders today . It emerged in a crumbling building on the outskirts of what Meek called Barrio Simplicia , though Dylan had never heard anyone else use that name . Moving like a shadow from building to building , Dylan edged the populated zones and made his way towards the abandoned strip near the rocket launch site . No ship was due out today , but he had in mind a nice picnic on the edge of the scummy reservoir . There was a light breeze blowing that kicked up the hot red dust but kept down the mosquitoes . Dylan paused atop a pile of rubble and stared toward the colored corrugated roofs of the barrio . He wondered if his parents had left a place like this behind in United Korea . They never spoke of those years and Dylan had been a pinprick in the womb when his parents were smuggled to the Yukon and finally here , to the New Mexico Green Zone . He 'd asked about it once when he was maybe five , but all he could recall was his mother turning away and his appa leaning down to hand him a toy truck . Dylan sighed and adjusted the bag on his shoulder . His parents had their secrets and now Dylan had his own . He shrugged and moved on , pushing aside his uncomfortable thoughts . They set out the blanket which smelled like stale detergent , and dug into the leftovers Dylan had pilfered . Dylan ate as slowly as possible , letting Meek have the lion 's share of the food . He 'd run his hands all over Meek 's body ; he knew how undernourished his friend really was . Meek had nine brothers and sisters , something Dylan on occasion envied , but food was stretched carefully in his family . He didn 't like to talk about it though ; for all his nickname , Meek had a lot of pride . " Can I open it ? " Meek smiled , licking his fingers and then wiping them on his faded jeans . Dylan noticed that some of the same twine that had tied up the blanket also served as a belt for Meek 's pants . Dylan leaned forward , licking Meek 's lips gently . He tasted the saltiness of the sauce and , as Meek returned the kiss , that indefinable essence beneath the other flavors . He didn 't even notice that Meek had slipped the envelope out of his hand until he broke off the kiss and Meek scrambled across the blanket toward the lake waving it in his hand . Dylan stopped reading and grabbed at the paper . He knew his parents had applied for the lottery to go live on one of the stations and now he recalled something about his mother applying for some kind of job with the Elle Five Beta Corp , but it 'd never seemed real . No one he knew really went to space ; it was just a dream he and Meek had . Meek . Dylan froze , clutching the paper in his fist . His mind stalled and he felt as though his heart would punch a hole in his chest . It was what he 'd wanted , to go into space . But not like this . In his head his future always included Meek there with him . He figured his parents would understand once he was living with Meek , they wouldn 't have any choice , not once he was in space . They 'd have to accept things then . " Adeul , slow down . What do you mean we can 't go ? I thought this was what you 've always wanted ? " Dylan 's mother wiped her hands on a kitchen towel and then sat carefully on the couch . Dylan , nervously aware he was still covered in dirt , was too upset to truly care . He tried again , " I do want to go , but not now . I mean , I have friends . I can 't just leave school before the last year . " His father patted him gently between the shoulder blades and a little cloud of dust rose up . " We can talk about it more , but we 're going . You know that . You 'll be fine . " " I hate both of you . Why are you trying to ruin my life ? " Dylan threw off his father 's hand and stormed upstairs . He heard his mother yell his name but ignored her as he threw himself onto his bed . It wasn 't fair . He couldn 't leave Meek . Not like this . The dream wasn 't the same without his friend . It just couldn 't be . Two weeks . Dylan sighed . He 'd avoided talking to Meek about it , but his friend knew something was wrong anyway . For one , Dylan had barely been out to see him , coming only for the rocketship launches and then leaving quickly and avoiding conversations about the future . " No , I mean , no . They don 't know . Nobody knows . But it just isn 't going to work , Meek . I 'm going away . Far away . " " Damn it , Meek . It was always a stupid lie , a dumb dream . What kind of moron are you ? We 'd need millions of dollars to get a place on Elle Four , or some kind of really useful skills like my parents . Since I can 't do physics for shit and you can barely spell your name , how did you think we were going to get there ? You 're not like us ; you people don 't get up to space . My dad says that the unfortunates never get picked in the lottery ; there 's just too many qualified people . It was a lame dream and we were stupid for believing . " Meek 's lower lip quivered . " But our garden � Dylan , I 'm . . . Don 't say things like that . We 're going to get there ; we 're going to have our garden . " He took a step towards Dylan , his face caught between hurt and anger . He was too much of a coward to go on . Dylan ran back towards the Green Zone , barely keeping an eye out for the patrols . He lay in the stifling shade of the tunnel for a long time , his belly knotting like he might throw up . His eyes burned but he dug his fingers into his lids , refusing to cry . They were leaving . It had to be done . He whispered this over and over to himself . Finally , he crept home . His mother was putting dinner on the table . She called out to him as he slunk upstairs to change . Dylan wanted to ignore dinner but knew that might cause more questions than just showing up , and he didn 't feel like an interrogation . His grief lingered near the surface and his skin felt as thin as an eggshell . He figured the wrong kind of question might just break it all loose . His mother was too close to the truth for comfort and Dylan shrugged , willing himself to stay silent . It was on the tip of his tongue to correct her , to tell them both about Meek and why he didn 't want to go to space . He 'd never been so close to revealing it all , but they were disappointed in him enough so he kept quiet , barely . " Kyon - yon ! " His father rapped his chopsticks hard on the table , " that 's enough . Let the boy alone , I want a peaceful dinner if it 's not too much to ask . " Dylan shoveled down his food ; it tasted like cardboard . He excused himself quickly and lay on his bed . Finally the tears came , hot and sticky . He grabbed at handfuls of his blanket , curling around the hollow pain in his chest . " I 'm sorry Meek , " he whispered over and over . " God , I 'm so sorry . " He didn 't know how to make it right . Meek would never talk to him again and he 'd leave and things would always be poisoned . It was all his fault . After a long time Dylan rose to wash his face . He stood beside his bedroom window and looked up into the clear sky . Light pollution prevented many stars from shining through , so he dropped his gaze to the yard . The lone maple , straggly and dry with the summer heat , cast strange shadows onto the lawn . Dylan pressed his hand to the glass . He felt the tiny glimmer of a thought building in his mind . Dylan worked in secret . He crept around the edges of the community , stealing away bits and pieces for his garden . A little potted flower here , a strip of lawn turf there , never enough that someone might notice it missing . He found the perfect spot near the reservoir . It had probably been a courtyard , the flagstones uneven now with weeds bravely growing up between . Dylan removed some of the stones and piled them into a makeshift bench . He used a trowel he 'd appropriated from Mr . Wong 's shed to turn over the soil and then brought buckets of water from the lake . For nearly two weeks , Dylan worked on his garden . He worried that Meek might discover him , see things too early and not understand . But as the days stretched on with no sight of his friend , Dylan recalled the pain and betrayal in Meek 's dark eyes and guessed his friend would avoid the areas where they used to hang out . A rocketship launched at one point while he worked , the shocks sending pebbles dancing . Dylan shaded his eyes , wondering if Meek was out there somewhere in the ruins , watching it too . He gritted his teeth and returned to work . Dylan waited until it was after midnight before he slipped downstairs and out the sliding glass patio door . He dragged a makeshift sack stitched together from two old shirts and a shovel from under the porch and set off to collect his tree . He 'd never snuck out of the Green Zone at night before , but figured in the dark he 'd probably be okay since the patrols all carried big lights so hopefully he 'd see them coming and be able to hide . He knew the abandoned areas around Barrio Simplicia really well and counted on this . The tree came free after what felt like too much work but Dylan carefully swathed it in his sack and used an old belt to strap the shovel to the tree . It was heavy and he moved slowly towards the shed , hoping that the tree would fit through the old sewer . He 'd chosen this tree , too , because it was slim and not too big yet , but he hoped still big enough to make Meek happy . It was darker than he thought it would be . The sky out here shone with stars , and Dylan was glad for the almost full moon . He was so busy watching where he was going that he almost ran into the patrol . A huge light flashed onto him , freezing him where he was . Men called out to him to identify himself and put down whatever he was carrying . Dylan stayed frozen for a moment and the voice repeated itself in Spanish . He had no tags on him , so he wasn 't sure where he 'd end up if they took him in . Would they let him go ? Shoot him ? Dylan turned and bolted , dodging into the ruined buildings . He waited to feel the sting of a bullet in his back , or maybe a tazer bolt . There was more yelling and the light swept the landscape around him . Dylan ducked behind a wall as something thunked into the peeling paneling next to him . He bolted through the building and then dropped down behind a pile of rotting wood . It was too dangerous to run without light through the ruins , so he hugged his tree to his chest and hoped it wouldn 't stick up too much . He heard boot steps very close . His heart pounded and his breathing sounded like angry waves in his ears . He had no idea how the man couldn 't hear it too . He scrunched his eyes shut , ready for discovery . Maybe Meek would find the garden on his own before it died . Dylan hoped so , hoped Meek would know . The boot steps faded . After what felt like hours , Dylan opened his eyes and tentatively looked around . He saw the light far off in the distance , flickering closer to the Green Zone . Relief made his limbs feel like rubber , but he forced himself up . He still had a tree to plant . The house looked pale , not yellow , in the pre - dawn light . Meek had pointed it out to Dylan once , particularly proud of the rooster weather vane perched atop the brick chimney . Dylan knew he had the right place once he found the loose fence board Meek had told him about and he slipped through into the yard . It was bare and dirty with broken plastic furniture and a twine clothesline strung across between the house and the shed . Meek slept in the shed with his brothers . The shed had no door . Dylan flattened himself to the side and peeked around , his eyes adjusting to the dimness . Meek slept on a mattress just inside the door , Dylan recognized his friend 's dark face and unruly hair . He crouched and half - crawled his way to the bed as he kept an eye on the other two sleeping beyond Meek across the little shed . Meek woke immediately , eyes wide . He gripped Dylan 's hand , and then nodded . They both crept from the shed , Meek stopping to grab his shoes from beside the door . They paused again outside the fence for Meek to get his shoes on , then Dylan motioned and led the way to his surprise . " Okay . " Meek nodded and took a deep breath . Dylan 's chest started to hurt again as he took Meek 's hands and led him carefully forward . His friend was so trusting , even after all he 'd done . Dylan hoped this would make it right . It had to make it right . Meek opened his eyes and then his mouth . No words came out . He stood for a very long moment as Dylan held his breath , watching Meek 's face . Then his friend , his boyfriend , turned to him and snaked a warm arm around his waist . " You did , " Dylan agreed . He led Meek forward into the courtyard , showing him each plant , each tiny flower , each stone he 'd found a place for . Elle Five Sunflower , his parents , the ship leaving tomorrow ; these faded away . He hadn 't lied to Meek . This was their place , a place no spaceships could go , a place no one would ever take away . The sunlight glistened on the dew and Dylan clung to Meek , holding onto the moment as hard as he knew how . show author story comments I was inspired by an image of two boys watching a rocket launch while listening to a song " No Cars Go " by Arcade Fire , and a love story grew out of it in my head . I wanted to write a future where there was hope and love , despite how bleak and segregated the world might have become . " No Spaceships Go " became that story . Please don 't read too much into these ratings . For many reasons , a superior story may not get a superior score . 5 . 3 Rocket Dragons Average
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I read two things this morning that got me thinking . . . A Nietzsche quote ( he is so quotable , and tho he didn 't understand what Jesus and his disciples was really about , he was so right - on in many of his comments on Christians and humanity ) - " We are unknown , we knowers , to ourselves . . . Of necessity we remain strangers to ourselves , we understand ourselves not , in our selves we are bound to be mistaken for each of us holds good to all eternity the motto , ' Each is the farthest away from himself ' - - as far as ourselves are concerned we are not knowers . " This was in context with the subject of a book Lost in the Cosmos : The Last Self - Help Book - that we can learn more in ten minutes about the Crab Nebula in Taurus , which is 6 , 000 light - years away , than we presently know about ourself , even though we 've been stuck with ourself all our life . And I read James 1 , and paraphrasing here , verses 22 - 24 - " You listen , but you do not act upon what you read and hear . . . Hearing and not doing is like looking at yourself in a mirror , and after walking away you immediately forget what kind of person you are . . . " I 've lately been reading in both Numbers and Deuteronomy and see how ridiculous the Israelites were ! So many times in frustration , God wanted to wipe them out ! They ' saw ' so much , and yet in the next instant would forget and grumble and live wrongly . If they , like children , had so much of God 's personal attention and guidance , and saw so many miraculous things on a daily basis , can 't ' grow up ' into a mature faith - how can we ? They wandered the desert for 40 years , killing off a generation and growing up a new generation . Before they were to enter the new land , God did not want them to melt into the surrounding cultures . He wanted them to know who they were and not forget . How did he do that ? He gave them rhythmical calendar celebrations and lots of visuals and imagery and ritual / tradition to instill into their lives so they would remember and not forget who they were / are in God . We too can get so caught up in our current culture Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest Yesterday , the 29th , was the church calendar day for remembering both Peter and Paul . Every year I remember differing things about them . Some years I 've felt so empty that I remember Saul 's lightening bolt experience of God and beg God for something similar for me , even if just a wimpy candlelight flicker of hope . Some years I 've focused on Jesus ' asking Peter three times , " Do you love Me ? " - and remember God loves me first - me , as ME . This year ? First I thought how both had their names changed by God . God pursued them and renamed them . They butted heads with each other and challenged one another and this all was a part of the newness to come . Devout Jews , what does it mean to follow Jesus ? What does this new community of believers mean , and what does it look like ? They were so different - Peter was a simple uneducated fisherman who probably had no knowledge of the theological debates of his time . He simply responded to Jesus in a direct , impulsive way . Paul was well educated , sharp , deeply concerned about truth , and willing to persecute those he considered in grave error . The church is built upon the foundations laid by both Peter and Paul . Their togetherness on the same calendar day speaks to me of unity , of working together , even with all our differences of backgrounds , and varieties of strengths and weaknesses , and emotions and rational / reasonings . While I 'm at it ( and I do love to write . . . and I was going to go to bed early tonight . . . ) things are happening just this moment around here . Furniture Monte and me have been waiting for came in at the store , and they 're currently having a huge 4th of July sale . . . so we went today . . . it reminds us of why we want to keep our pick - up ( just don 't want it as our primary vehicle ! ) . Dawson just came home with some friends and they are bringing the stuff in to where it 's going to belong . ( He 's playing in the worship band this weekend at church for the three services , and his friends will spend the night , leaving early in the morning for the next two services . ) ( We 're making use of Dawson and his friends a lot . . . soon he 'll be gone . . . and getting - old - Monte - and - me want things finished up around here - for us to carry - on into our next season of life . ) I saw the image above and it directed this post . Our home is SO messy right now . Maybe not so messy as dusty - dirty . I 've been so busy outside - Monte was gone - and this is pine pollen time . I keep all the windows closed for several weeks . I 'm waiting for rain to settle the pollen - PLEASE RAIN ! We 've just gotten wind and some spittle . So yellow dust is everywhere - even with just the front and back doors open . It is the one thing I 'm allergic to , but I don 't panic in trying to avoid it . I just have to remind myself - DON ' T TOUCH or rub my eyes ! It 's about now that I keep a generic allergy pill handy or the allergy Visine handy - & I have a kind - of cold . I have my famous quote ( my daughter - in - love Sarah wrote my quote on our graffiti wall in the guest bathroom ) - " Dust is country " . We don 't have a lot of dust . We don 't have air - duct - work - for heating or cooling . So I don 't do a lot of dusting . And with our house being a farm / country / mountain home type decor , I feel that dust is just a part of it all ! But this time of the year ! . . . And the characters ! ! ! We ARE quite the characters ! I just watched a news video on a red - winged blackbird attacking some people on bikes , and I 'm remembering that I 've been attacked by one too ! Periodically I like to walk around Evergreen Lake - they 've made a nice trail - just a bit over a mile , and I 'll walk around it twice ( I used to go , taking Dawson , since he wanted to fish or catch crawdads , which we ate once ) . One year they started posting a sign just before you entered the boardwalk that went over a wetland area of the lake with lots of reed / plant growth . It was a warning sign about an attacking red - winged blackbird . Defending his nearby nest , the dive - bombing daddy pecked me on the top of my head , and sometimes clawed at my hair ! Apparently they are a highly polygynous species , having up to 15 females nesting in his territory - BUT it does not mean all the young in a nest are his ! being sired by other neighboring males . They sound like quite the communal bird , even throughout the year . The nesting season is primarily late May through early July . I never imagined that the female wasn 't black like him . She 's just brown and striped all over . It 's so interesting that females in the animal kingdom are so bland . . . and then there 's us humans ! ! ! Hmmm . . . . . . . . . . Irenaeus is known as Bishop of Lyons in southern France and today , the 28th , is his day on the church calendar . He became one of the most important Christian writers of the second century - a great theologian . The institution of church was still in it 's ' newness ' . He was a disciple of Polycarp who was a disciple of John the Evangelist , who knew Jesus intimately . His primary work , Against Heresies , was especially concerned with the Gnostics ( Greek for " knowledge " ) . Irenaeus thoroughly investigated the various Gnostic sects and their " secret " , and contrasted it with the teaching of the apostles . Many of his other writings are quoted in other people 's writings . Irenaeus opposed the Gnostic attitude toward creation by affirming both creation and redemption as the acts of God . The " One Creator God " worked through his " two hands " . " The things we learned in childhood are part of our soul , " he wrote , and he cherished Polycarp 's teaching " not on paper but in my heart " ; " This is what I heard from the man who knew the man who saw and heard and recorded it " . Irenaeus was the first to state the four Gospels as canon , saying they are the ones we may trust . " Give perfection to beginners , O Father ; give intelligence to the little ones ; give aid to those who are running their course . Give sorrow to the negligent ; give fervour of spirit to the lukewarm . " I love summer ! I 'm outside most of the time . I love sitting at my umbrella table on the back deck , both eating there and reading . I watch the birds from there - they seem to like the sanctuary I 've created for them . I 'm posting a picture of flowers on my front porch . Monte built window boxes , but I gave up planting real plants in them years ago . The front porch gets only early morning sun for just a bit , and nothing seems to grow very well . There 's also wind to contend with there too . So I have boxes in the garage of seasonal flower changes . Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest It 's six months till Christmas ! It 's Summer Christmas . This is the day the creators of the church calendar chose for John the Baptist 's birthday , so we 'd remember him and his story and his message for our soul 's benefit . AND it is full blown summer with earth 's bounty . ( This is also the day in history that the first state - sponsored terror against Christians began ; the first wave of Imperial persecutions at the hand of Roman Emperor Nero . ) As I said yesterday about summer , nature is breathing out all its extravagance of warmth , plants and color . In comparison to Fall and Winter , my soul relaxes and has less concentration . Inwardly I 'm in more of a day - dreamy state . When Summer Solstice rolls around I always think , " Oh yeah , John the Baptist Day is approaching " and I remember his messages . Amid the abundance of summer 's growth and fruiting , John was simply clad , and lived in the wilderness . Amid summer 's heat and brilliance , John speaks of repentance and urges us to be introspective . He reminds me to look inward and be awake to the universe 's mysteries . While the external landscape calls me into all sorts of activity , I need to not forget or neglect the deep , rich and resourceful landscape of my inner soul . John began the announcement of the coming of the Kingdom and the Lamb of God , and said , " Prepare the way of the Lord " , " repent " ( change my thinking ) . A reminder in the midst of summer 's madness not to stray from the path , keeping my feet on solid ground ; and keep my soul in balance in life 's busyness . " He ( Jesus ) must increase ; I must decrease . " The days are now growing shorter leading to winter and a birth . Tonight is Midsummer Night 's Eve , tho summer solstice was the 21st . Shakespeare set his play A Midsummer Night 's Dream on this night , with all its magical forest revelries . It 's also called St John 's Eve . I 've been to two Midsummer Night parties . One was at a friend 's home and most people came in costumes or at least a face mask . The other was in a park . Beauty was everywhere : the gardens , the short rain , the breeze blowing colored scarves we hung in the trees , ducks and jumping fish in a pond , colorful table coverings and flowers in vases and candles , and then the varied extravagance of beautiful women . We ate sitting on blankets and pillows from around the world , around a ring of candles and flowers . We shared thoughts and blessings and writings and a collage . A friend asked me awhile back to share my thoughts about nature 's seasons . So I 'm just now getting around to it since this solstice reminds me of it . We are actually very rhythmical creatures , though technology brings produce and flowers out of season and we can now push buttons that disassociate us from the rhythms of nature . We become a - rhythmical . Could this disassociation also keep us from thinking there 's something more encompassing than ourselves , something / Someone greater than ourselves ? With technology we keep pulling the future toward us wanting everything to happen more quickly , yet we complain there 's not enough time . We want instant gratification yet have let - downs of " is this all ? " We can easily tend to our physical nourishment , but what nourishes our soul ? What brings healing ? joy ? There 's a saying - " To travel hopefully is better than to arrive " . Nourishment for me comes from making space in my days : anticipating life 's mysteries , and God 's surprises . Anticipation leads to reverence , which partners with wonder . I love our era with all our choices of convenience . But for my soul , I do not want to neglect the needed space for Truth , goodness , and beauty - life 's fundamentals . My soul breathes , taking in the world through my senses . My approach to Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest I knew it was Paul McCartney 's birthday yesterday . Something I read got me reminiscing . . . I saw the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show in 1964 . I loved the Beatles and still love their songs . They were at our local Red Rocks amphitheater that same year too I think . I was looking at all the memorabilia / history of Red Rocks and the ticket prices were ridiculously cheap - like maybe $ 4 . Today you pay more than $ 30 - 50 + depending on who 's performing . We lived in Denver in those early years and could hear the music from Red Rocks when at our friends house . I sang the song " Yesterday " alone ( McCartneys most recorded song ever ) , in front of the whole grade school when I was in 6th grade ( and Nancy Sinatra 's " These Boots are made for walking " with my white go - go boots and long sweatshirt , along with other gals in our classes ' music production for the school ) . I still have the 45 LP of the song " Yesterday " ( besides their albums ) . The first song I played when learning to play the guitar was " Puff the Magic Dragon " . . . I had to take a picture out my bedroom door , trying to capture both our new bedspread and the flowers . When I bought the flowers to pot up for our deck , I just really liked their color . But the other morning I realized how they coordinate with the bedspread . We 've had a bedspread on our bed for several years that I wove on my large Swedish Glimakra loom . It 's a variation of a honeycomb weave . I now have it next to the bed covering a barrel we use as a bedside table ( and seasonal clothes changeovers ) . It was going to rot from the sun if I left it on our bed . And I 've put up some sheers that I 'm hoping will ' calm ' the sun 's intensity on our bed . Saint Theresa 's Prayer May today there be peace within . May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be . May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith . May you use those gifts that you have received , and pass on the love that has been given to you . May you be confident knowing you are a child of God . Let this presence settle into your bones , and allow your soul the freedom to sing , dance , praise and love . It is there for each and every one of us . My friend Ellen sent me the above . I 'm guessing it 's from Therese of Lisieux , since all the others are Teresa without the ' h ' . Therese 's saint day is October 1 . She 's a ' childish ' saint to me , and though I know her story , I haven 't added her to my calendar of people I remember . She 's known as " The Little Flower " , thus the pretty roses - which is what I really like in the email . And the prayer would be a good one to occasionally pray , believing it into our lives I just read a news item on Iran cracking down again on women 's dress code . No lose wisps of hair , nor anything showing their figure - must be loose - fitting long clothing that disguises them . I read Reading Lolita in Tehran a few years ago - great read ! A professor of literature had to eventually stop teaching after the 1979 crackdown on women and dress code and all . Her students didn 't want to stop , so they met in her home , only the men could not come . They would shed their burkas at the door , and underneath wore tie - dyed t - shirts and jeans and hoop earrings . . . After gay get - togethers and book discussions , not only would they have to put back on their burkas , but they had to remember to mask their gay emotions when walking home . If they had so much as a lilt in their walk , a male might ' be tempted ' , and they could be imprisoned and even disappear . In fact you heard of such stories in the book . How sad . I 've missed posting for a few days . I 've been outside most of the days , enjoying the weather and birds , and doing lots of needed things around here . With most things planted , I 'm now weeding . One minor detail too to not posting , besides being dead tired by evening , is . . . our internet was down . Why ? I was digging a deep hole for a plant I bought and shoveled through our phone line ! It baffles us . We built our home 24 years ago and can 't remember that the phone cord was buried where we found it ! We thought it was elsewhere . Every winter our garage turns into a disaster ! So Dawson cleaned the messy side up yesterday . I actually had fun today being able to look at all the organized boxes of tools and stuff on the shelves ! My side of the garage ( freezers and food shelves and textile art stuff remained organized ! Now with Heather 's stuff gone , we 'll go through things again this summer , organizing and weeding out even more . I 've been looking at all the ' out ' buildings and what 's been stored ( dumped ) in them . Dawson tore down all the extended chicken runs and buildings . We 're keeping the main chicken house and run up for now , but no chickens . With the kids gone and Monte traveling more , I don 't know if we 'll do chickens again ( but who knows - but definitely no more ducks , geese or turkeys - we tried them one year , and don 't need to do them again . I now know what it means to be goosed - and then there 's all the chicken phrases too ) . So for now , we 're thinking of storing the rototiller and extra tools there - it 's closest to my big veggie / fruit garden . The ' bunk house ' has a couch and desk and sleeping area . It 's storing extra sleeping pads and pillows . And then there 's boxes of books I wanted to give away , but Monte wants me to put them on eBay . They 've been there for a couple years now under the sleeping area . Will I put them on eBay ? ! The old playhouse , turned ' Dawson 's museum ' , is now storing tons of boxes of Monte 's rocks . It still has shelves of Dawson 's collected skulls and bones , etc . That 's where I found our front scrEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest As always , the ' Happenings ' = Life around our Velveteen House . It 's summer . Dawson , 19 , has some varied jobs : yard work and photography and catering ( besides applying for the honors program a teacher submitted him for ) . But , we 're paying him to work around here this summer . What does that mean ? I 'm just finding that out ! I came home last night to guys sitting around our little amphitheater having a campfire . They then watched a movie in Dawson 's room . How they all sleep in there ? . . . Just let me say , it 's a mess , and I don 't see how they sleep - not without imprints of cracker boxes and bb - s , etc on their cheeks , etc ! They feel at home here . So I guess I need to have food stuffs at their disposal , cuz I 'm not always going to cook for them . I saw that they made panini sandwiches of leftover grilled pork loins I had in the fridge for lunch , before they left today . The other day , girls and guys were tie - dying cotton things they bought ( T - shirts , socks , underwear , and sheets ) . Dawson knew I had this tie - dye kit from long ago around , and like his social - self so often does , " Lets have a tie - dye party ! " And as they wait for things to get done ? They eat . They play board games ( which really IS cool ) . I am glad that Dawson is a do - it - yourselfer , and doesn 't expect me to do it all and entertain them ! On the gardening end ? Tho Monte 's further tractor work will create more work , I 'm finishing up the veggie garden and doing things better then ever ( with Dawson 's hard labor ! ) . But we 'll see if this season 's weather co - operates . And I 'm finishing up more beds created since we 've extended the electric fence . What 's beautiful now ? crabapple and cherry blossoms just ended , but WOW . . . the lilacs are beautiful this year ( it could be the electric fence and no elk ! ) . . . and so fragrant . The first lilac picture is out my kitchen window and the second shows the east end of the house with that upper ' shaker ' - deck off our bedroom . My one daphne ( which people say I can 't grow , but it has for several years now ) is blooming fragrance right now tooEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest Last night artists in our church , plus extra artist friends , gathered at a home for Show & Tell . Other than a meeting of some of us a couple weeks ago , we 'd not gathered like this for several years , and want to do it more . We want to invite more art showings from others into our church , and us participate in showings elsewhere too . When you have an environment that values what God 's gifted in each other . . . and care to learn about one another . . . and listen and learn . . . it 's amazing ! Another aspect to my Starburst felted picture I posted and explained several postings ago , is that so much art work - from literature , to paintings , music , sculptures , movies - because everyone is created in God 's image , I believe the searching that human 's do , often comes out in art . Even if someone is not yet a Christian ( therefore , from my Starburst post , would that be considered the darkness ? ! * ) , they often give us a glimpse , like a window , into some truth . . . into God 's heart , into heaven , into compassion , into grace . . . and yet they themselves haven 't made that truth their own for their own lives ( do any of us fully ? ! when we 're still in process ? ! ) . We told about ourselves - like passions and our process or journey to what we 're currently doing . Some people brought notebooks , or portfolios of what they do . Like Kent can 't bring his large bronze sculptures ! We 've seen some at church , before they sold . Jannelle , ( ? I don 't know her , but want to know her ) brought her ' rock ' - beautiful sculpting . She loves sculpting , but God has dropped commissions of painting pets into her lap currently . Others : writers of books and songs , photographers , logo graphic artists , clay sculpture , sketches , acrylic , watercolor , and oil painters , and admirers ! And me ? I brought my basket of current needlefelting . I brought lots of sculpted heads ! Across one of my looms , I have heads ! I have lots of heads and unfinished heads and bodies from all the classes I 've taught , and I do eventually finish them . Some people see these , and roll their eyes saying , " KEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest So , it 's Friday the thirteenth today ! I heard on the news about some people 's phobias . Well , I think I was born on Friday the thirteenth , and have no problems with the line up of the calendar . I 've missed several calendar things I thought I 'd just skip , but my continued thoughts and liking to write them down , won 't let me leave them behind . I need to go back and check my posting on the Old Testament counting 50 days , Omer , between the two first fruits festivals to see what details I gave . The link will be here if you want to read more . But on day 40 is Ascension Day . Because Western Christians were celebrating Pentecost Day on Mother 's Day , they celebrated Ascension Day earlier then I did . I was ' remembering ' it 's story and meaning on May 29 , along with Eastern Christians . I like to imagine me as one of Jesus ' original disciples , having lived with him for three years . I 've probably dreamed of ousting the Roman rule and Jesus setting up a Jewish Kingdom , that I can help lead . BUT WAIT ! Jesus is rising into the sky ! He 's leaving us ! This isn 't the way I imagined it ! Now what do we do ? ! Before leaving , Jesus told them to go back to Jerusalem and wait till the next Jewish First Fruit Festival - Shavuot . I imagine them in that upper room for ten days reliving every moment with Jesus , everything he did and said , and asking , " Now , what the heck did he REALLY mean ? " ! June 5 was saint Boniface day . That 's the day he died , thus his birthday into heaven , but I remember his story more in relation to Christmas since some Advent traditions are a result of his doings . In the early 700 's he was sent to work among the Norsemen and Teutonics . Boniface was constantly jeopardizing his own life for the sake of the young , the vulnerable , the weak , the sick , and the poor - often imposing his body between the victims and their oppressors . The Norsemen had brutal pagan sacrificial practices . Boniface decided to strike at the root of their superstitions by cutting down the sacred Oak of Thor . Since no immediate judgement came against them , douEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest Ah , tis the birthday of Johanna Spyri , born in Switzerland in 1827 . She is best known for her book Heidi . The classic movie of Heidi does not do the book justice , in fact it 's quite different from the book . Heidi is another Prodigal Son story . It 's a wonderful story . But there 's more - Heidi Grows Up is good too . And then Heidi 's Children answers all the many questions you develop while reading Heidi . Since we collected old books and they fill many bookshelves in our home , we have all three of these books , plus more of hers . My kids grew up with me reading aloud to them , even into their teen years . What if - the government in 1854 traded 1000 white women brides for 1000 horses as a peace trade with the Cheyenne Indians . That 's what the book I just finished is based on . I enjoyed the story . The author tells the story from May Dodd 's journals - May Dodd , an irreverent society outcast . You get caught up in the story ( I got it from the library and listened to it ) . BUT . . . May Dodd is too progressive for 1854 - having all today 's racial , gender , sexual and secular values . It tries , like the beginning of the DaVinci Code , to make you think it 's historically real . It 's a well written story , and entertaining , but would have been better if it stuck to 1854 voicing . What I read last year is way better : These is My Words , and its sequel , Sarah 's Quilt , by Nancy Turner . They are written from a fictional diary format too , but true - Sarah is the author 's great - grandmother . I got them from the library , but they are worth owning . I really liked them because they take place at the end of the 1800 's in the southern Arizona frontier , with some of it in Tucson , where I grew up . They begin with 18 year old Sarah Prine on a wagon train . Heather read them too and loved them . My friend Marty told me there 's a third book now . I 'm waiting for it from the library , but it 's got holds on it - meaning it 's popular . This CS Lewis quote reminds me of one of my needle - felted pictures I did several years ago called " Starburst " . It 's inspiration grew from an image I got while reading , and drew in my journal and developed further . I 'll explain what it means to me at the end of this post . In his book , An Experiment in Criticism , Lewis writes , " We therefore delight to enter into other men 's beliefs . . . even though we think them untrue . And into their passions , though we think them depraved . . . And also into their imaginations , though they lack all realism of content . . . in order to see what they see , to occupy , for a while , their seat in the great theatre , to use their spectacles and be made free of whatever insights , joys , terrors , wonders , or merriment those spectacles reveal . . . " This , so far as I can see , is the specific value or good of literature considered as Logos ; it admits us to experiences other than our own . . . . Those of us who have been true readers all our life seldom fully realise the enormous extension of our being which we owe to authors ( and other artists , including movie directors ) . " We realise it best when we talk with an unliterary friend . He may be full of goodness and good sense but he inhabits a tiny world . In it , we should be suffocated . The man who is contented to be only himself , and therefore less of a self , is in prison . My own eyes are not enough for me , I will see through the eyes of others . Reality , even seen through the eyes of many , is not enough . I will see what others have invented . . . . In reading great literature I become a thousand men and yet remain myself . Like the night sky in the Greek poem , I see with a myriad eyes , but it is still I who see . Here , as in worship , in love , in moral action , and in knowing , I transcend myself ; and am never more myself than when I do . " God is love and light . God , and us too as we walk in Him , lights up the darkness . My Starburst felted picture has people walking into the darkness . I don 't fear walking out into the darkness - the world 's cultures , arts , etc . WalkinEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest Today , June 9 , in 1870 , Charles Dickens died . His writing really did a lot of good for the common people and outcasts , improving poor working conditions , and creating child labor laws . His tomb is inscribed with - " He was a sympathiser to the poor , the suffering , and the oppressed ; and by his death , one of England 's greatest writers is lost to the world . " I 've both read and listened to , most of Charles Dickens ' novels . Though not his most popular or most remembered book , my favorite is one of his last books , which was made into a movie , which I really like - Our Mutual Friend . And I 've read GK Chesterton 's book on Charles Dickens , who raves about his writing and likes Our Mutual Friend best too . So I 'm in good company ! A Tale of Two Cities depicts both England and France . Dickens was trying to show the difference between a country who lived believing in God and another who seemed to be rejecting God - especially during the era of the guillotine ! Though Great Expectations may be his most remembered , it is my least favorite . Oliver Twist really tugged at heart - strings for street children in horrible working and living conditions . I like David Copperfield , and feel it 's autobiographical . Little Dorrit could be autobiographical too . I saw it as a movie from our library , and it depicts life of families who 's main bread - winner is in debtor 's prison , with the family living there , but able to come and go , whereas the one who could be working to pay off his debts , is not free to go ( many of them were shipped to American and Australian colonies ) . There 's another book series us Coloradoans like , since they take place very close to home - by Ralph Moody . Little Britches is the first book ( another title earlier ) made into a movie ( with the current title ) . In that first book in the series , the family is homesteading west of Denver . It 's a true story and as good a read as Little House on the Prairie . On their ' day of rest ' they often went into the Bear Creek River basin below their ranch for a picnic and Mother would read from the Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest I helped preach this past weekend . We have three services , so I spoke once Saturday evening and two times yesterday morning . Our church celebrated Pentecost for the first time - celebrating the birthday of the Church . I remember one of our pastors often ending prayers before he preached , " And God , help us to preach ! " This may seem odd , but then that would be because our perspective of what goes on at church is odd . What we tend to think and do , is go and sit and sing and listen and hope to leave with , " that was good music and a good sermon " . We tend to be an audience critiquing those in front ' on stage ' . I see God as the audience . Those in front are more like cue givers . I 'm / we as congregation , parts of a whole body of Christ , are being critiqued in our worship by God . And does our worship and love of God overflow into our daily life ? We preach with our daily living . I grew up under theology that said ' women do not teach men ' , and especially in a church ' sanctuary ' from the ' pulpit ' . Let me share a couple personal experiences . In our old church we were a part of a thriving Sunday school class . One of the class leaders / teachers knew of my ' knowledge ' and giftings and asked me to co - teach a series . After he introduced the new series he had me do the introduction . I think it was at the end of that class that a guy stood and said he was offended to be taught by a woman and was going to leave the church , and they did . It was painful to lose his wife as a friend ; we had just begun working together on a women 's ministry team . Another male friend was terribly disappointed , as he loved what I had presented and was looking forward to more . Rather than making an issue of it I backed down from teaching . Monte and me got accepted to participate in a national communication seminar . All the attendees were a mixture of pastors , youth leaders and other people who speak within whatever ministry they were involved with . We were assigned a group we 'd be meeting with every evening for the week . Every morning was lots of teaching techniqueEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest A friend , Beth , sent me this story . I love it . After the story I 'll tell you about the ' cracked pot ' I made , pictured here . _____________ An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots , each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck . One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water . At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house , the cracked pot arrived only half full . For a full two years this went on daily , with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water . Of course , the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments . But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection , and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do . After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure , it spoke to the woman one day by the stream . ' I am ashamed of myself , because this crack in my sidecauses water to leak out all the way back to your house . ' The old woman smiled , ' Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path , but not on the other pot 's side ? ' ' That 's because I have always known about your flaw , so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path , and every day while we walk back , you water them . ' ' For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowersto decorate the table . Without you being just the way you are , there would not be this beauty to grace the house . ' Each of us has our own unique flaw . But it 's the cracks and flaws we each havethat make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding . You 've just got to take each person for what they areand look for the good in them . SO , to all of my crackpot friends , have a great day and remember to smell the flowerson your side of the path ! ________________ I was in a small group of gals - we 've grown spiritually together . One evening we had some clay , and just did a quicky project of forming a pot that we imagined representing ourselves . So I did mine with very bright colors . I wasn 't thinking of me as bright and colorful , buEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest For my final needlefelt class tomorrow , I needed more dyed wool hair colors . We clothe the people we 've sculpted of wool and add the hair . Then we 're done . Since I gave most hair colors I had left to my daughter - in - love , I had to dye more , which meant I had to clean more wool - more precisely goat mohair . I finally said " yes " to my friend Marty 's daughter 's request that I take her sheared goat wool . I kept saying " no " because for spinning , I only like to deal with fairly clean wool . The people I buy fleeces from have their sheep wear canvas jackets all year . But when I finally said " yes " , I saw how curly like hair it is . But OH how dirty ! ! ! ! ! For years I wash my wool in bags I 've made of nylon screen replacement for doors and windows , and then in the washing machine . I fill the machine with very hot water and 1 / 2 - 1 cup Dawn dish soap depending on the wool . BUT , you don 't let the machine agitate ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I just periodically push the bags around in the soapy water with a long handled spoon or dowel . Then let the machine spin the water out . I do this several times depending on how dirty , ending with a rinse one . Then I lay the wool on a sheet on my back deck in the sun to dry . This morning I took four of the bags , leaving some natural , and dyed four color batches . BUT , remember I said it was so dirty ? I barely touch the stuff , only to put it in the bags . Once done , like tomorrow night at class , they will have to pick out the grass , and yes , poop . But I tell them it 's clean grass and poop ! Actually , it 's mainly grass ! Info 1 : when wool is scratchy ? Yes , some sheep varieties are scratchy , but those are usually used for tapestries and rugs . That poop and grass ? Factories use intense chemicals to leach out the poop and grass and weed burrs . . . and it also rips away the natural lanolin and elements that make most wools soft . Info 2 : Itchiness in some wools , like : llama , and breeds that have ' guard hairs ' . In the cleaning , if a company or person doesn 't eliminate the guard hairs from the soft wool , they tend to work out of the Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest I just walked to the mailbox practicing my next weekend talk , out loud - both to work my voice ( we have three church services ) and my body . The mailbox is a mile away . Coming back , with a lot of it hill , I looked for the current wildflowers in bloom and took pictures with my little Canon Elph . I 've been taking pictures of stages of flowers in my gardens . I 'll try posting pictures on my photoblog . I told Dawson I wanted pictures of the two birds building a nest in a little bird house hanging on our porch . My camera didn 't do it justice , and if I was outside close , the birds wouldn 't ' work ' . I hung this cute birdhouse for it 's cuteness , not thinking birds would actually use it ! From the kitchen sink we 've been watching them bring these LONG sticks and trying to aim for the hole . It 's made us laugh ! They 're done now . The other day Rocky jumped off the porch steps , going out of his electric boundary and got shocked , and caught a bird in his mouth . Monte and me were so scared it was one of these birds , but it wasn 't . They are still a ' couple ' and must be laying eggs now . But we moved Rocky 's boundary back a bit ! Last night elk were tromping through a new flower bed I 'm creating . Monte needs to move the electric fence further . They kept messing with a tarp and waking Monte all night long . But it looks like they knocked over another bird house . It 's post must have been rotting and they kept butting it . Elk are a pest . They 'll soon move to the higher mountains till late August . We 've not seen a bear yet this year . The electric fence went up last summer when a bear consistently raided the bird feeders . We have a new bird that 's not been in Evergreen before . Last year was the first I 'd seen it here . I saw it before in Prescott , Arizona , when Monte was doing geology there . But the last few evenings this Western Tanager has been visiting the bird feeding area . The other evening him and a baby downy woodpecker , with his red capped head , were taking turns on the hanging suet feeder . His bright yellow body and orange - red head were Email ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest " A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of . " Jane lived in an era when women hoped to marry money . They weren 't allowed to write books , only correspondence . She 'd write in the family sitting room and whenever someone came into the room , like even a servant , she 'd hide her writing under something on the desk . At least she had her family support , who even helped in publishing her novels . Virginia Woolf tells of women 's plight needing a Room of One 's Own , along with a 5 pound income - T ' would have been nice . Tis why there 's less early stuff from women ( although as you read my saint day blogs , you 'll see the early church had given women some voice ) and why many women wrote with pen - names - take George Eliot , for example . Speaking of women 's place . . . I am helping preach at our church next weekend . I 'm supposed to be working on my piece in next week 's church services , but first I 'm writing some stuff I 've thought of but not written . I 'd have lots more written if there were such a device that could transfer thinking to paper or computer ! Monte 's finishing roto - tilling the next part of the garden I need to plant . Then all that 's left is the borders . Dawson 's digging a trench all around to put chicken wire . We 're going to see if we can prevent the pocket gophers from burrowing in . I 'm going to put week block around the edges and plant edible bushes like currants , jostaberry , cherry , serviceberry . . . We 've past a few Saint Feast Days , just to mention - 27 - There is another Augustine , Italian , and sent by Pope Gregory in 596 to England , and he ended up living in Canterbury , so he 's Augustine of Canterbury . He was supposedly a tedious prig and did not get along with the Anglo - Saxon ' savages ' - and even less so with the Celts . Gregory had told him to respect the local customs and not destroy pagan temples and give witness by their lives . The 30th was Joan of Arc Day . Her hearing of voices from Catherine of Alexandria , Margaret of Antioch , and Michael the Archangel , led her into the Hundred Year 's War in its 87th year as a teenager , and led her to her death , because she would not deny them . Though somewhat of a French victory for a doubtful French Prince , she was sold to the English , who found her guilty of heresy and burned her at the stake in 1431 , as a ' witch ' , at nineteen . Authors Mark Twain and George Bernard Shaw were madly in love with her . Many plays and movies have been done on her story . The 30th in 1483 is the day Le Morte d ' Arthur , by Sir Thomas Malory , was published . King Arthur tales have captured imaginations of every generation and spawned other literary classics and movies . Malory claims he was a hapless medieval soldier who identified himself as " a servant of Jesu , both day and night . " He didn 't invent the tales but collated them from documentary histories , ballads , and minstrel songs , turning them inEmail ThisBlogThis ! Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest I made bar soap today . I 'd rendered suet before and froze it . I 've not done it for a long while , so I re - skimmed all my soap books . . . Feeding My Pets - Food Pets ! My Pantry We 've narrowed down our pets ! Monte and me are empty nesters . When kids come home , they come home with more people , mo . . . Beef and Bean Wedges . . . or Pizza ? I just did a post on how to cook grass - fed beef . It is a different animal ! The ground beef is AWESOME . Though a drier meat without the fat d . . .
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This morning , Anastasia had her eye exam . Again , we were dreading it , because it 's always made her scream bloody murder . But much to our relief , she handled this exam extremely well . She only cried a tiny bit , and that was at the very end of the procedure . Better yet , the doctor gave her the all clear ! She won 't need another exam until she 's two years old . Yeahhhh ! April 4 , 2006 I talked with the clinic this morning about Anastasia 's low heart alarms . They suggested that further involvement was more in the domain of her pediatrician . They also suggested I should mention to our pediatrician that the cardiologist knows about the issue and has suggested using a heart monitor to see if they can find a problem . Sooo . . . something to mention on Friday when we see the pediatrician . I just discovered something outrageous . I received an email from a stranger , claiming that someone had stolen photographs off this website and created their own website on Babies Online , claiming the child in the photos as her own . ( Actually , she claimed she had twins , a boy and girl , and identified photographs of our Anastasia as these twins . ) The person emailing me offered up screen shots of the website as proof , and I have no reason to disbelieve her , although the Babies Online website is now viewable by password only . Needless to say , I 've emailed Babies Online about the infringement , and I expect they 'll not only tear down the site in question , but will ban the user forever ( or as much as is possible ) . Clearly only a sicko would create a website about fictitious babies - one who supposedly died and another who is struggling for life . This is what 's most outrageous - that someone would create such a story ( using Anastasia 's photos ! ) so they could receive pity from strangers , when there are many of us who 've actually had to deal with the hell of having a baby in the NICU . Such people belittle real - life pain and suffering by their self - centered , fraudulent actions . A few more words about my last post , and then " enough said ! " I 've visited the bulletin board where the person in question posted links to her fraudulent website , and it 's clear she was seeking attention and sympathy . As far as I know , she wasn 't seeking donations of any kind . The most disturbing thing to me , though , was that she used a birth day photo of Anastasia , with a caption beneath it that said , in effect , " This is my baby just before it died . " It gave me the heebie jeebies , and made me cry a little . When the photo was taken , Anastasia was truly struggling to hang on to life . I 'm still in the process of tracking down the offender . Now , on to more important things ! Anastasia had a checkup with her pediatrician on Friday , who seemed pleased and surprised at how much she 's grown . ( She now weighs 13 lbs . 13 oz . , and is eating much better . ) Poor Anastasia began wailing the moment I started undressing her for the exam . Big tears fell down her face until we had her safely back in the car . I think she thought she was going to get another of those painful RSV shots . The pediatrician spoke with a cardiologist about Anastasia 's low heart rate alarms , and both of them felt it wasn 't anything to be concerned about , but since another MD and cardiologist were surprised and concerned about those alarms , we decided to go ahead and have Anastasia wear a diagnostic heart monitor . Next week , we 'll drop by the hospital and get her all hooked up . It 's my understanding that she 'll wear the thing for a few days , and then ( assuming all is well ) be free of all monitors . I really don 't think there 's anything wrong with her heart , but I also believe it 's prudent to make sure my instincts are right ! And now , a photo of Miss Anastasia . I have to say that she 's becoming like her mommy . I used to pout whenever my photo was taken , and Anastasia has taken to stubbornly refusing to smile when she sees the camera . . . The moment I tuck it away , though , she 's all grins ! This morning , I had a call from a state organization that does in - home care for children with developmental issues . They 'd been referred by the state nurse who visits us periodically , and who thought they could help with some physical therapy . Well , after an extensive interview , they said that Anastasia 's development was well within normal parameters . " Hold on , " the woman interviewing me said . " Let me talk to my supervisor and see if Anastasia qualifies because she was an extreme preemie . " She told her supervisor all of Anastasia 's medical history , to which the supervisor kept saying , " Ooooh , ooooh , " as if she expected this child must have some serious developmental issues . And then she heard Anastasia 's developmental " score . " " That 's amazing ! " she cried . " Yep , " I said , " Anastasia is a miracle baby ! " So , in the end , she didn 't qualify for the services because her need for physical therapy is questionable . But they will be calling again and doing another interview in two months , to make sure Anastasia 's needs aren 't more severe at that time . Anastasia is still 99 . 5 % bottle fed , but this weekend , I gave her a taste of some avacado . I figure it 's a great baby food . It 's high in calories and " good fat . " I mashed it up well and brought it to room temperature , but when she got some in her mouth , I soooo wished I had the camcorder running ! Her little eyebrows raised high , her eyes got big , and her jaw dropped . I 've never seen her look so surprised and grossed out . She closed her mouth and few times and tried to swallow , but finally she spit the stuff out . Ah well , we 'll try again another time ! Speaking of feeding and such , my milk supply has taken a very sudden and large dip downward . I 'm doing all the same things I always did to keep my supply up , but now I must pump after each of Anastasia 's feedings , or she won 't have milk for her next bottle . I 've also had to lower dramatically the amount of milk I put in each bottle . Anastasia 's only getting 1 oz . of breast milk to 4 oz . of formula per meal . ( The doctors say it 's important to have a mix of both in each feeding , as it 's easier on her tummy than going back and forth between milk and formula . ) I was debating when to quit pumping , but had decided to plod onward until Anastasia 's first birthday , in August . I was afraid that if she got sick after I stopped giving her milk , that I 'd blame myself . ( Milk has all those good antibodies that formula does not . ) But , it looks like my body may determine that I 'm quitting sooner ! It 's quite frustrating to pump for 20 minutes or a little longer , only to get a few teaspoons of milk . This afternoon , we 're taking Anastasia back to the hospital ( ! ) to have a heart monitor put on . Of course , ever since this monitor was ordered , she hasn 't had a single low heart rate alarm . But hopefully , the new monitor will pick up at least one dip , so they can see if it is normal or not . Originally , I thought we 'd pop upstairs and visit the NICU , while we were there . I know there are nurses , doctors , and others who 'd like to take a peek at Anastasia . But Alexei fears taking Anastasia out in public and having her get sick . So our visit to the NICU will have to take place on another day ( when RSV season is over ) . Anastasia now has her heart monitor . . . in addition to her apnea monitor . The heart monitor is a lot smaller , though - about the size of an MP3 player , and has a handful of wires that stick on various parts of her chest . Anastasia smiled and flirted shamelessly with the guy who put it on . She 's supposed to wear the monitor for two days , then we must go back to the hospital , have them download the data , and clear it . Then she wears the monitor one more day before we bring it back for good . We 're praying that the monitor gets a chance to read some low heart rates . So far , she hasn 't had any alarms ( of course ! ) . We want to give the doctors everything they need in order to either say " everything 's fine " or " something 's wrong . " In the meantime , the monitor is a pain . It ties onto her body , and Anastasia wants to eat and pull on those ties , so I have to keep her in clothes that cover it up , yet provide enough room for it , too . It makes burping difficult , also . ( I 'm back to the NICU way of burping ; putting Anastasia in my lap and leaning her forward , so her chin is resting in my hand ) . Tummy time is impossible . This evening , we take Anastasia into the hospital again , to have data downloaded from her heart monitor . We won 't learn anything about the results until the testing is all done , but I was glad ( in a way ) that yesterday afternoon Anastasia had some low heart rate alarms during her nap . At least it will give the doctors a look at what 's happening . On Wednesday , we took Anastasia back to the hospital for a quick switch - a - roo . They took off the heart monitor she was wearing and replaced it with a new one , to collect new data . Then on Thursday , Alexei dropped off the second heart monitor . Her heart rated dropped below 75 three times while she wore the heart monitors ; it 's possible there were also times her heart dropped below 80 , which is the threshold most people seem to agree is healthy for babies . We don 't expect to hear anything back until late next week , since the results have to be studied by a cardiologist at the children 's hospital , which is several hours away from us . We also just received the call that there 's still a lot of RSV in our area , so this afternoon we 're taking our dear one down for her two shots . Poor thing . ( A few of you have asked what the RSV shot is . Synagis is what it 's called , and it contains antibodies that are specific to RSV . ) In happier news , Anastasia has slept through the night twice in a row . It 's paradise for me , who hasn 't had sleep without frequent or long interruption for eight months ! April 17 , 2006 Well , Easter was kinda on the sad side . Alexei was ( and is ) sick with a sore throat and a fever , so he 's sequestered away from us , and of course we couldn 't do any of the usual Easter stuff , from church to family gatherings , because Anastasia and I are generally sequestered , anyway . But Easter is all about the greatest miracle , so it 's tough to be sad for very long . And I spent all day with one of the " littler " miracles , dressing her up and watching her have fun with the Easter basket and stuffed animals her grandma brought over . April 17 ( part II ) Several people have emailed and asked whether Anastasia is continuing to sleep through the night . The answer is no . She did it twice , then reverted to her old ways ! : ) April 19 , 2006 Yesterday , we received the written report from the cardiologist who checked Anastasia 's PDA ( heart murmur ) . Since we 'd already talked with him , there was no news there , but I delighted in one of his phrases : " This little baby has done remarkably well given her prematurity . " The doctors can 't say it often enough for me : Anastasia is astonishing . I 'm so proud of her , and so thankful to the Lord . In other news , Anastasia is trying to sit up . Yesterday , I put her in the bouncy seat and carried her into the kitchen while I cooked . As I carried her , she craned her neck to see her daddy ( still sequestered in the living room ) , sitting mostly upright . Since the bouncy seat is not fully reclined , I can 't quite say she sat up on her own , but this was a first step ! I apologize if yesterday 's post was confusing . I was referring to the written report for the echo Anastasia had several weeks back , checking on her PDA . It had nothing to do with the recent heart monitor she was on , and the results from that study . But I did hear back on that study today . The results were sent to a pediatric cardiologist , who proclaimed Anastasia just fine . They can see no abnormalities in her heart . When I asked why Anastasia might be having low heart rates , then , the reply was , " Well , most babies aren 't on monitors , so their parents would never know their heart rate was dropping in deep sleep . She 's sleeping soundly , and her body just doesn 't need for her heart to be beating quickly . " Our pediatrician then asked how we felt about taking Anastasia off her apnea monitor . I thought the idea was exciting ( ! ) , but wanted to discuss it with Alexei first . This afternoon , he said that if a pediatric cardiologist said Anastasia is fine , then he can 't see any reason to keep her on the monitor , either . So , yipee ! No more dragging around that monitor ! No more wrestling with it when I change her clothes or her diaper . No more lugging it around in her stroller , or on my shoulder when I carry her around the house . No more screaming machine when we turn it off or on , or when one of the leads comes loose . Exciting , indeed ! But also a little scary . I 'm sure I 'll be waking up a lot more at night , checking Anastasia 's breathing . I 'd hoped to be able to shout out today : WE ' VE GONE WIRELESS ! But Alexei nixed the idea . " When the doctor signs the paperwork , then we 'll unhook her , " he said . So I 'm humoring him . Still , I find myself eagerly anticipating a wire - free baby ! But , on a positive note , my milk supply is coming up a little . The Reglan prescription I take in order to maintain that supply is really starting to bother me , though . It tends to make me depressed , and now I have nightmares all night . Taking a couple of tablespoons of flax seed each day seems to help counteract this , but still , I wonder how long I can continue to take the stuff . Alexei is still sequestered in the living room with his cold , and Anastasia and I pretty much spend all day in the nursery in order to stay away from him . This weekend , I just had to get out , even though Alexei is reluctant to have Anastasia and me walking around the neighborhood alone . ( Overprotective papa bear , and all that . ) For the first time , I wore Anastasia in her front carrier facing out , and she was all eyes for everything . No sleeping this time ! Today , after our walk , I put her in the stroller while I did a little gardening . She was pretty cute , kicking back and putting her feet up on the tray , as if it were her own little ottoman . The company that rents out the apnea monitor called this morning ; they are coming to pick up their equipment this afternoon ! I 'm so excited . Kinda scared , too . Nice timing , though . Anastasia is now 5 months and 1 day , corrected age : ) April 24 ( Part II ) Drum roll please ! It 's official ; we now have a WIRELESS BABY ! The medical supply company took the monitor away , so there 's no turning back now ! : ) April 26 , 2006 Yesterday , a day after she rolled from back to tummy for the first time , Anastasia had a physical therapy appointment . It didn 't go as well as we 'd hoped . " Well , we can rule out the worst forms of cerebral palsy , " the physical therapist said . Rule out the worst ? Turns out , last time the PT saw Anastasia ( which was an extremely brief visit in the middle of a checkup ) , she 'd been quite concerned because Anastasia 's head was still bobbing around . Cerebral palsy was the first thing the PT wanted to look into . ( Since that time , Anastasia 's head is much less prone to bobbing . ) Unfortunately , Anastasia cried the entire hour and a half we were with the PT , making a good examination of her skills very difficult . ( She began crying when we placed her on the scale ; we think she 's associating getting weighed at the doctor 's office with getting painful shots , so next time we 'll do the weighing last . ) Still , the PT said Anastasia appeared to be two months behind in her physical abilities . That , too , threw us through a loop . Anastasia has met all her milestones , except one : When on her tummy , she doesn 't raise her torso up by getting onto her hands ; she gets onto her elbows only . The muscle weakness , the PT says , is significant on her left side , making her quite asymmetrical . " Babies are very symmetrical , " the PT says . " They don 't favor one side over the other yet . " So the PT gave us a series of exercises to do with Anastasia at least four or five times a day . We even have to hold our dear girl differently . No cuddling , at least not for long . We 're to hold Anastasia away from us , so her trunk muscles develop better . Also disconcerting is the shape of Anastasia 's head . It 's beginning to change because she 's always laying on her right side . In back , the right side is a bit more flat than the left side , and in front , it 's more bulgy . So we have head - turning exercises to do , too . The RN also popped in and asked about Anastasia 's weight . She wasn 't thrilled with her slow weight gain ( 13 lbs . 15 oz . ) and is wondering if we need to up her calories by mixing her formula a little thicker and feeding her more solids ( or trying to ! ) . They even suggested putting butter in her solid foods , to up the calories ; I didn 't think about it until we were home , but that won 't work . Butter is a dairy product , of course . . . and I 've been abstaining from dairy for months now because it upsets Anastasia 's tummy . They also mentioned possibly doing a barium swallow study for Anastasia 's reflux . " We 'll see what her weight is like in two weeks , when she comes back for physical therapy , " the RN said . Overall , Alexei and I are discouraged . In part , because we thought Anastasia was doing better , and don 't like hearing that she still could be diagnosed with cerebral palsy . And in part because things were just beginning to normalize . Anastasia wasn 't fighting feedings ( although she can always eat better ) , and her monitor was finally gone . We 're tired , and were hoping for a reprieve . But we 're trying to look on the positive side . Things could be so much worse , and at least we can actively take part in helping our daughter through the PT exercises . I 've received several emails from people , asking when Anastasia can get out and about in public . Although RSV season will probably be over in a month or so , Anastasia still won 't be able to go into large crowds or anywhere anybody is sick . Her lungs are still too damaged , and a simple cold could still send her to the hospital and back on a ventilator . With the end of RSV season , though , the risk does go down . So , no stores for some time , and no being around little kids , who are often sick . Well , I 've done a little research on Anastasia 's head tilt ( called ) and in my non - medical opinion , I think she has a relatively mild form of it . I also wonder why nobody mentioned it sooner , since a baby who was without amniotic fluid for over five weeks would seem to be a ripe candidate for this problem . But I feel better , now that I 'm more educated about the problem . I think , perhaps , all of Anastasia 's muscle weakness is probably due to my lack of amniotic fluid . So , we 're doing the physical therapy exercises at least four times each day , plus ( whenever possible ) holding her so she has to use her torso muscles . Anastasia hates it , but seems to tolerate it better with each session . She hates tummy time the most , and any time I try to get her to prop herself up on her hands , she cries and cries . Poor thing . The county nurse who first suggested physical therapy called me yesterday and asked if I wanted her to advocate for Early Intervention services for Anastasia . ( This government program rejected Anastasia a few weeks back , saying she was doing too well to qualify for their services . ) Early Intervention called this morning and said that as long as they can see the report stating that Anastasia needs physical therapy , she will qualify . So that 's in the works . The bonus is that Anastasia may be able to see a physical therapist more often . . . and if Early Intervention comes to our home , it will save Alexei time off work . It will also save Anastasia from so much exposure to germs .
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In the late 1970s , I worked in an office building in Manhattan . The company I worked for had someone come around each day with a coffee cart , to every floor , with coffee , rolls , donuts , cookies , pastries . It was a convenience most of us considered a luxury . Most times the cart pushers , as some of us called them , were black women . On rare occasion a black or Hispanic man filled in from time to time . It wasn 't the type of job that was conducive to longevity . Juan Carlos was from a small town in Northern Spain and had been in this country for nearly a year as a foreign exchange student when he decided to apply for citizenship . He was a dark blond with the eyes of an innocent boy and the face of an angel . His mouth was wide and generous . And every time he smiled , my body turned into liquid silver . I often wondered what it would be like to touch him and lay naked against the warmth of his slim , smooth body . I wanted him the moment I laid eyes on him . And after a couple of weeks , I started to feel as if maybe there was something there . I couldn 't quite put my finger on it , either . It might have been his smile , which I thought seemed bigger and warmer for me than for anyone else . Or it might have been his touch , which was intensely electrifying when he gave me back change and his fingertips grazed the inside the of my palm . Or perhaps it was his gaze . It lingered far too long , I thought , for him to be just a friendly straight man . I just knew there had to be something there and I was determined to find out . ' C ' mon ! Where the fuck is he ? ' I muttered in my office , my mind totally off the copy I had been working on . I looked at my watch . It was three - thirty ; normally , Juan Carlos came at three . ' Better , now that you 're here . I really need this cup of coffee ! ' His smiled broadened as he looked into my eyes . I lingered in his gaze just a moment , then shook my head to clear my mind . I handed him the money . ' Thank you . And good afternoon . ' Then Juan Carlos switched to Spanish . ' Que tengas un buen d � a . ' He gave me a little nod and a wink . ' Gracias , Juan Carlos . You have a good day , too ! ' I turned and went back to my office . If I didn 't get close to Juan Carlos soon , I would wind up raping him . Sitting behind the desk , my mind kept drifting back to Juan Carlos . I kept seeing that beautiful smile , the innocent - looking eyes , and his tongue as he licked his lips seductively . I imagined him in his bedroom , half in shadows , slowly taking off his clothes . My cock hardened at the thought of him laying back in bed amidst rumpled sheets . ' Oh , no ! I just , um , have to go to the bathroom . ' I smiled at him , a little embarrassed , as if he knew what I had been thinking . ' Me too ! Can you hold the door open for me ? Please ? ' He pushed his coffee cart against the wall so it was out of the way , then faced me with that angelic smile . I swallowed nervously , thinking I saw him glance down at my crotch , but I couldn 't be sure . I held the door open for him . ' Thank you , ' he said as he stepped past me . ' I really have to go and I don 't have the key for this floor . ' I followed behind him , nervously , then quickly stepped into a stall . I closed the door and nearly ripped my pants as I unzipped and let them fall to the ground in a pool at my feet . I sat on the toilet , my cock already hard , the shaft pulsing in my fist . My ears thumped loudly as the blood pounded in my head . Stroking my hard prick I thrilled to the sound of his urine hitting porcelain . It was strong and forceful , gushing from his piss slit . I wondered about his loads . Was he a gusher ? Was he a dribbler ? Was he the kind to shoot his load so far , and with such force , that he could hit the headboard ? ' Ahhh ! That 's good . ' Juan Carlos sighed , pulling me out of my musing . ' You know , it 's bad to hold something in for so long . ' ' Oh , really ? ' So that was how it was going to be ; I had to make the first move . ' Interesting theory . What if you like someone and the other person doesn 't know ? What do you do then ? ' I dared myself to open the stall door and lure him inside . Instead , I watched through the crack as his pants moved up and down while shaking his cock . He stuffed himself back into his pants , zipped up , then walked over to the sinks . I could still see his feet . They were turned toward me . ' Well ? ' Juan Carlos said coyly . When I didn 't respond , he continued . ' I think maybe you should just do it ! That way you have no regrets . ' ' I 'm afraid I don 't drink coffee , either . But why don 't you come over to my house ? My wife is a very good cook . ' ' Wife ? ' To say I was disappointed was an understatement . Could I have read his signals wrong ? ' You 're too young to be married . ' I didn 't know what else to say . Juan Carlos shuffled away slowly , almost as if he didn 't want to leave . The door opened , then closed . I bent down and peeked underneath the stall . Through the gap beneath the bathroom door , I could see Juan Carlos ' feet . He stood in the hallway , just beyond , as if hesitating . Finally , he walked away . ' Shit ! ' I leaned back against the toilet . Despite the discouraging news , my boner wouldn 't go down . I grab my cock and cupped my balls , pulling on them and squeezing as I envisioned Juan Carlos in bed , rolling onto his stomach , exposing smooth , round buns that begged to be violated . I imagined running my hands over the curve of his buttocks , then spreading them to eat his sweet virgin hole ; fucking him with my tongue , then with my thick , juicy cock . He would moan and writhe beneath me , biting his sheets to keep from crying out . It didn 't take me long since I was already so worked up . Maybe just a dozen pumps . I gasped silently as I came , spurting a load onto my belly in thick , creamy globs . Dipping my fingers into it , I then licked them , savoring the taste . I imagined that it was Juan Carlos ' fuckjuice . Later that evening , long after most everyone else had already gone to enjoy a three day weekend , I decided to call it a day . I had intended on working overtime in order to complete a rush project but I was too keyed up to get anything done . I couldn 't keep my mind off Juan Carlos . And with a heat between my legs that threatened to turn into a full erection again , I gathered my stuff , left the office , and headed for the elevators . On the ride down from the 31st floor , the elevator slowed , then stopped . The doors opened and I actually felt my heart skip a beat . I could see Juan Carlos behind the large coffee urns , pushing the coffee cart inside ; his arms , slender and well - defined , straining . ' No . ' He shook his head . ' I work until eight . ' Juan Carlos got the cart into the elevator , hit the button for the basement , and squeezed in beside me . The doors closed and the elevator descended . ' Why not ? ' His left eyebrow arched slightly . ' I bet you can go out to a club or a bar and get anyone you want . Have a little fun , know what I mean ? ' Juan Carlos winked and nudged me in the belly with his elbow . I could feel the heat emanating from his body and my breathing suddenly became a bit labored . ' Want to volunteer ? ' I quipped without thinking . There was a moment of dead silence . I swallowed nervously , realizing how it must have sounded to him . What if I had read him wrong ? What if he really was just a nice straight guy being sociable ? ' So you 're single , right ? ' Juan Carlos asked curiously . I nodded . ' Do you . . . live alone ? ' He continued questioning me . I nodded again . ' You know , I lived alone for a while . In Spain . I loved it . I didn 't have anyone telling me what to do or when to come home . I could bring home anyone I wanted . ' ' Doesn 't your wife . . . doesn 't she . . . like to see you in the nude ? ' I licked my lips , imagining him naked , walking around my apartment . I would never ask him to put on clothes if he didn 't want to . ' She doesn 't like that . She 's different that way . ' I wanted to find out more about his home life . I suddenly got the feeling there was a lot more to his story . Juan Carlos stepped aside so I could get off . I shrugged . ' It 's okay . I 'll go to the basement with you . It 's easier than squeezing past this thing . ' ' Well , okay . If you don 't mind . ' Juan Carlos pressed the basement button again . The elevator doors closed and down we went . He looked up at and smiled sweetly . I smiled back , more nervous than a teenage virgin about to get his cock sucked . ' I 've never been to the basement before . ' I was trying hard to breathe normally . I lost my virginity in the basement of the building where I grew up so I had a thing for dark , dank , musky corners where daylight rarely penetrated . ' There 's not much down here . ' The doors opened onto a puke green corridor illuminated by fluorescent lights . Juan Carlos stepped outside and grabbed the bar of the coffee cart . ' Give it a push . ' ' It 's a little scary sometimes , down here . ' I didn 't respond . ' And sometimes it gets so hot ! I 'm sweating already . See ? ' Juan Carlos ran the back of his hand over his forehead and wiped it on my bare arm . Juan Carlos stopped walking and looked at me . A wicked grin suddenly spread across his face and a glint filled his eyes . I stared into them for what seemed like an eternity . I tried to speak , but found that my mouth wasn 't working . The corridor continued ahead but we turned right and came to a door marked KITCHEN in block , almost military style lettering . Juan Carlos reached into his pocket and pulled out a large key ring . He selected one of the keys , inserted it into the lock and opened the door . Quietly , I waited while he pushed the coffee cart inside and followed behind him . ' I never said I was unhappy . ' Juan Carlos opened the refrigerator door and pushed the entire coffee cart inside . Then he turned and glared defensively at me . Juan Carlos sighed . He flipped his right hand in the air without looking at me . ' Don 't worry about it . I guess I am unhappy . ' He turned , sat down at a small desk and picked up a clipboard . He started checking things off on a list . ' Do you . . . want to talk about it ? ' I offered , not knowing what else to say . I shoved my hands in my pockets for fear they might reach out and grab him . For a moment , he looked as if he was about to say something , then thought better of it . I stood there , not knowing what to do . I knew I should have left , but my feet weren 't moving , my legs didn 't want to work . I felt he wanted me to leave , but his body language was telling me to stay . ' I 'd better go , ' I said finally . ' I 'll see you on Mon - . . . I mean Tuesday . Three - day weekend , you know . ' I had inched my way towards the door . I sat down on the other side of the desk . After a moment , Juan Carlos stood . I watched him , my eyes darting to an obvious bulge in his pants . I swallowed hard . He unbuttoned the mustard colored jacket he wore when making his cart rounds . Then he peeled off the tee - shirt he wore underneath . My cock stiffened as he smiled , sweet and innocent , at me . ' No , I guess not . ' I cleared my throat as he turned his back on me . Juan Carlos unzipped his uniform pants and I watched them fall . He stepped out of them . I pressed down on my bulging crotch as he bent over to pick them up . ' Oh , no . She 's from here . An American . ' Juan Carlos turned suddenly and caught me rubbing my cock with the palm of my hand . He didn 't react . ' She , uh . . . how can I say ? She was something I had to do . ' His right hand dropped to his jockeys and he cupped his balls . ' My visa expired . ' He pulled the elastic away from his belly with one hand and reached inside the pouch with the other to rearrange himself . I could see the outline of his cock against his hip , pointing to his left . I licked my lips anxiously . ' And what kind is that ? ' He stepped away from the desk and walked toward me . I suddenly didn 't know what to say . All those weeks of fantasizing , the conflicting signals from today had all left me dazed and confused . ' My life in Spain was very different . ' I looked up at him , questioning . ' I was a good boy in school . The priests loved me . I had good grades , I was good at sports . Lots of friends , you know the type . ' ' Goody - goody ? ' Juan Carlos knit his brow , unsure of what I had said . He sat at the edge of the desk , right leg swinging back and forth while his obvious erection now lay closer to my face . It was all I could do to keep from reaching out . ' Yeah , you know . A goody - goody . It 's what we call it here . A person who does everything by the books , the way he should or . . . ' I paused and looked up at him , realizing what he meant . ' Or what is expected of him . Never gets into any trouble , everyone likes him . You know . Like that . ' ' Okay . So I was a goody - goody . Except for one thing . And in that , I was bad . ' I waited for him to continue . ' Some of the others I went to school with , they liked to slap this one student on the ass . They all said he was a mariposa ; a butterfly . ' ' He never did anything before . He was innocent to sex . And he was not effeminate . Somehow , these others , they knew there was something different about him . ' Then one day , several of them cornered him in the locker room while he was getting ready to go to his next class after gym . He tried to fight them because he was scared . But I think now he was scared because he knew he would like what they were going to do him . You know how sometimes you just know something is going to happen , and exactly what that something is going to be ? ' ' They tied him up with their belts and shoved underwear in his mouth so he couldn 't cry out . The leader slapped him on the ass , hard . Not because he thought he would like it , but as punishment . After a few minutes , this leader , he spit on the hole of the other and forced his way inside him . He screamed and screamed , but that punk was not going to stop . He fucked him like he would a woman . . Until he came . After that , they all took turns on him . It was a little easier after the first one because his cum was like . . . how do you say ? Lubrication . ' Juan Carlos shook his head as if I failed to understand . ' It 's true . He was raped . It 's true he was embarrassed to be found that way , and humiliated because of what had been done . But there was one thing . He had enjoyed it . While he was raped , he had an erection . And while the last punk fucked him , just before he came up his ass , he came , too . Without touching himself . ' ' Oh my God ! ' I said , suddenly realizing . ' It was you , wasn 't it ? You were the one who instigated it . You were the ring leader . ' ' For many years after that , I tried to deny that I enjoyed getting fucked . Especially by force ! I went out with lots of girls to hide it . Then , in college , there was one guy I fell in love with . I never told him how I felt . I was too scared of my feelings and afraid he would reject me . ' ' Yes . I became friends with the girl of the family that sponsored me . She was very popular and introduced me to all kinds of people . One night , we went to a party together . I got drunk and told her that I liked men . She couldn 't believe it . I think she didn 't want to believe it because she started to like me . She asked if I 'd ever had sex with a girl . ' ' Oh , sure ! Many times ! But I had to concentrate on the day my classmates took turns fucking me , coming inside me . It was the only way I could fuck a girl and cum . ' ' Yes . I was trying to prove that I didn 't like men . But my entire life has been a lie because I don 't like girls . I like guys . Men . I like men . And . . . I like you . ' My cock was ready to burst . I looked at his Jockey - clad body . His cock was hard and jutting out in front of him , making a tent out of his white briefs . He smiled his innocent smile and then he stepped toward me . ' Oh , yes ! ' Juan Carlos bit his lower lip and looked at me with a wicked stare . He reached inside his Jockeys and hauled out a fat , cut eight - incher . ' Get on your knees . I want to watch you suck my fat cock . I want to see your lips stretched and your face turn red swallowing it to the balls . I want to see you play with yourself while you suck me off . ' Juan Carlos seemed to have lost all politeness . And I didn 't need to be told twice . I wrapped my fist around the base and pumped it . Juan Carlos threw his head back and moaned . I leaned forward , parted my lips , and let the tip of my tongue explore his piss slit . A drop of precum oozed out and trickled onto my taste buds . He tasted every bit as sweet as I imagined . A frenzied hunger suddenly filled me and flowed through my veins . I kissed the tip of his cock and played with his balls while licking the entire length of his engorged shaft . Then , unable to stand it any longer , Juan Carlos grabbed the back of my head and forced me down on his meat . The tip pushed past my throat , making me gag , but I held my ground . Soon , my nose was buried in his blond pubic patch , his balls pressing against my chin . I inhaled deeply , his strong musky odor hitting me like an aphrodisiac . I moaned wantonly and pulled back on his meat , his shaft covered in spit , leaving only the tip in my mouth . I leaned back on my haunches and Juan Carlos followed my moves , both of his hands holding on to my head . Standing up , he was now able to fuck my face with fervor . I prepared myself for the onslaught , relaxing my throat muscles , loving the way his strong hands held my head firmly in place for his cock pleasure . My cock was drooling and it hurt pleasurably , trapped as it was in the confines of my briefs . I reached into the elastic and pulled it down past my balls . With my right fist firmly wrapped around the base of my cock , I started stroking . Looking up , I stared into Juan Carlos ' eyes as he looked down at his cock disappearing and reappearing . He muttered inaudible things in Spanish to me . I relished the workout he was giving my jaw , my sexy skull fucker pounding my face . I loved the feel of his balls as they swayed to and fro , slapping me on the chin . It wasn 't long before Juan Carlos began to breathe heavily . His balls drew up into his body and I knew I would soon have him shooting his load . I worked my throat muscles , squeezing down on his meat and throbbing cockhead . I wanted to milk him down to the very last drop . Juan Carlos began to moan , his tone dropping lower , and gave a final thrust . He grunted and plunged his Spanish meat deep into my mouth just as I stopped jerking off . The first squirt fired and hit the back of my throat . I swallowed , struggling to keep his shaft buried , but I wanted to taste his seed . The hold he had on my head relaxed slightly as I pulled back . I opened my mouth and stuck my tongue out so as not to spill a single drop of his delicious nectar . Two more spurts , thick , rich , and creamy , oozed onto my tongue . I wrapped my lips around the head of his shaft and kept my tongue just underneath the piss slit , savoring the bittersweet taste of his cum . I wrapped a fist around his meat , pumping and milking him for everything he had . I swallowed feverishly , as if he were my sustenance and I , a starving man . When the throbbing finally subsided , Juan Carlos pulled me up and thrust his tongue into my mouth . Juan Carlos shrugged . ' It 's been a while . ' He looked down , nodding at my still - jumping shaft . ' You didn 't jerk off . ' I smiled back at him . ' I was going to , but , I figured it would be a waste . I 'd rather feel it sliding down your throat . ' ' You want me to suck your cock ? ' His smiled broadened . I nodded . He looked down at my hard prick again and slowly sank to his knees . He pulled my Jockeys down as he went and my cock sprang up , slapping against my stomach . ' Hmmm . Very nice ! ' He took my cock in his hand and looked at it . He seemed to hesitate , then he looked up . ' Just don 't fuck my mouth , okay ? I 'll choke if you do . I 'm not a very good cocksucker . ' He opened his mouth and slipped his lips over the tip of my cock . I looked down and watched at how hot his lips looked as they spread , taking more and more of my shaft . He pulled back and I gasped as his teeth bite down on the fleshy , purple head . Slowly he worked his head back forth , nibbling along the way , until he had as much of my cock as he could take . Wrapping his fist around the last few inches , he pumped my spit - slick shaft . I had been so close that it wasn 't long before I came . I pulled out of his mouth and wrapped my fist around the base of my dick , pumping and squirting my load all over Juan Carlos ' sweet , innocent face . He moaned as each spurt fell on his flesh , his mouth open and his long tongue circling . He smacked his lips , tongue lapping at what it could reach . I leaned over him and licked off the rest , feeding some to him . We sucked on each other 's tongue until we could no longer taste the flavor of cum . ' Oh , man ! That was great ! But what am I going to do now ? ' He had a petulant look on his face . He leaned back and shook his hard cock at me . Juan Carlos stood , stroking the length of his hard cock . He rummaged through one of the cabinets beneath the counter next to the sink and pulled out a jug of cooking oil . ' It 's all I have . ' Juan Carlos opened the jug and tipped some oil into the palm of his hand . He rubbed it over the length of his tool , making it shiny , then capped it and slammed the jug down on the counter . Walking back towards me , Juan Carlos then sat down in the chair I 'd been sitting in . He grabbed his cock by the base and waved it at me . ' I have a better idea . Why don 't we pretend I 'm Santa Claus . Now , come sit on my lap and tell me what you want for Christmas . ' I let go the desk and walked over to him . Turning my back on him , I then spread my legs , reaching between them to grab a hold of his oily meat . It throbbed in my hand and I squeezed , lowering myself until the tip was rubbing against my puckered , twitching asshole . I rubbed it against the rim of my anxious fuckhole . Juan Carlos grabbed me by the waist and pulled me down on him . The lips of my asshole stretched and yielded to the thick helmet that was his head and it plopped inside me . I spasmed , as inch by agonizing inch , the entire length of his shaft ripped me open . The pain was rich and glorious , but I refused to get off . He continued pulling me onto him , impaling me with the thick fucktool . I could feel the raw flesh around my asshole burning and stretching to accommodate the sudden intrusion . My body broke out into a sweat , but Juan Carlos didn 't stop until he had all of his cock balls deep inside me . ' That 's it , Johnny ! ' His voice was a whisper . ' You have all of it up your ass . ' Juan Carlos wrapped his arms around my torso and kissed my sweaty back . ' My dick feels so good up your ass . It 's so tight ! ' He leaned back in the chair , and grabbed me by the waist . He then pushed me off his shaft until only the head remained firmly entrenched within me . Then he pulled me back onto his shaft and I moaned , sinking down with one slow plunge . Pure pleasure coursed through my veins . ' Oh , yeah ! ' I sighed , and began to rock . The oil heated up as I rode him faster and faster , slamming down on Juan Carlos as if I were fucking myself on a battering ram . ' Oh , baby ! Your cock feels so fuckin ' good up my ass ! It 's so hot , so thick . Juan Carlos , I feel like I 'm burning up ! ' ' Yeah , Johnny , I know . I 'm on fire , too . Feels good , doesn 't it ? You like the way my fat cock feels up your tight ass ? ' I moaned and nodded . Juan Carlos reached around with his right hand and grabbed my bouncing meat in his fist . It was still greasy with oil and he ran it over my dick . I pumped myself full of his juicy fuckstick while at the same time pumping my cock in his fist . Juan Carlos reached around with his left hand and cupped it underneath the tip of my spurting dickhead . I shot my load into the palm of his hand and he raised it to my mouth as an offering . I stuck my tongue out and lapped it up . While slurping up my own load , I continued impaling myself on Juan Carlos ' shaft . Suddenly , he moaned and cried out as he shot his second load up my ass . I felt him throbbing inside me as his sperm bathed the walls of my fuckhole . We sat there a moment . His cock slowly went limp inside me , our bodies glued together with our sweat . Finally , I stood and his cock slurped out of my asshole , wet and slimy . We dressed in silence . When we were ready to leave , we turned to face each other . Juan Carlos smiled . ' I 'd like to have that drink you offered me earlier . ' Juan Carlos cocked his head and waited for me to finish . But I left him hanging . I grinned and walked past him . He reached out for my arm . I turned around , hands in my pockets and threw my head back to glare at him . ' I 'm planning on doing just that , Juan Carlos . Now , you coming home with me or what ? ' I walked out into the corridor and started for the elevators . I could hear him behind me . Johnny Miles has been writing porn since the early 1980s . " A Stroke At Midnight " is his first collected work . He is currently working on a second collection of stories as well as a gay romance and a steamy , male - on - male stroke novel entitled , " Pigg . " GayDemon uses cookies to ensure you get the best user experience . By using our service , you agree to our use of cookies . Please read our cookie policy for more information . / g , ' > ' ) ; l [ i ] . href = ' mailto : ' + t . value } } catch ( e ) { } } } catch ( e ) { } } ) ( document ) ; / * ]]> * /
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No , it isn 't a freak arctic storm . A few weeks ago , Kelly and I realized that our frugalness had deprived the girls of an important piece of culinary knowledge : they had no idea what a Dairy Queen Blizzard was ! Yikes , how did this happen ? Then we realized that to get that many mouths a blizzard . . . well , you can see why we have never done it . So we decided to take them sometime , like maybe Labor Day weekend ! So tonight after a light supper , we surprised the girls by taking them to Dairy Queen and letting them each have their own blizzard and let them each get to pick their own flavor . This is nearly unheard of in our family . I am the queen of figuring out how to split meals between kids , rarely letting them pick their own anything ! So this was a real treat . They had butterfinger , M & M , and chocolate chip cookie dough . Most of them decided that their favorite flavor was daddy 's Georgia Mud Fudge ( they had to sample a little from every different flavor ) . I didn 't see the chocolate dipped strawberry flavor until after I had ordered or I might have gotten that . Yum ! We 've had times of troubles in our married lives . Everyone does . But right now we are doing fairly well . But many people in our family are enduring trials of some kind . And it is hard to watch it happen from afar and know there 's really not much you can do about it . Our family - parents , siblings , nieces and nephews - are spread all over the Lone Star State . So when times like this happen we can only call and pray . Last weekend , I played a dirty trick on my almost 6 year old daughter , Hailey . I didn 't mean to . Just in case you have forgotten what Hailey looks like right now , this is the one and only Hailey . And I served one of the girls ' favorites last weekend : fresh corn on the cob . By the time Hailey got through with the corn , it looked more like a jack - o - lantern . Poor Hailey . Everybody : " All I want for Labor Day is my two front teeth . My two front teeth . . . " The other day I was flipping channels , and ran across one of those nanny shows . You know , where the British nanny comes over to some family here in America whose kids are totally out of control . They come in and straighten the whole thing out in a few days with a few simple rules . Yeah , right . I wonder how long it takes for things to get back to the way they were once the cameras and nanny leave ? But I digress into my eternal pessimism . Anyway , what caught my attention was that the nanny was suggesting that the parents set up an allowance for chores system , because the kids took everything for granted and were used to having everything given to and done for them . I was surprised because current popular American child rearing wisdom says not to tie allowance to work of any kind . If you are familiar with our family , you know we think that is hogwash . * I think , ok , maybe these nannies do know a thing or two . So she went about setting up a chore chart for an 8 and 9 year old , who had never done chores before , were completely disrespectful to mom , dad , and grandma , and screamed for what they wanted . The nanny set up three chores for these two kids . They had to : keep their rooms cleanclear off their dishes after mealsmake their beds every dayI was stunned . In our house it is considered a " chore " if it helps out the family at large or takes a job from mom or dad . In other words , picking up their own toys in their room is not a chore . It is simply taking responsibility for their own things . Cleaning a bathroom , doing dishes , etc . are considered chores . Besides that , my three year old does more around the house than that . She does all of these , plus puts away her laundry that she can reach , helps fold the towels - like washrags and dishrags - and put them away if she can reach them , puts the clean silverware in the drawer , brings down her dirty laundry from her hamper on her wash day , and is always bringing me things when I ask . That poor nanny probably doesn 't want to know what my nine year old does ! Not only does she do her oPosted by During family devotions : Kelly : How do we " clothe ourselves in humility " ? What kind of ' clothes ' would we get to do that ? " Lauryn : Yellow ones ? * * * * * * My dad is talking to Lauryn on the phone : Pa : What are you learning in school ? Lauryn : I don 't do school . Only the older ones do . ( She said it more like " the o - der ones " making it sound like the smelly kids were doing school . ) Pa : Well , what do you do while they are doing school ? Lauryn : Be quiet . * * * * * Kelly has been ordering DVDs of the Muppet Show from our Blockbuster Online subscription . So Lauryn has been going around the house , trying to impersonate the Swedish Chef . I wish I had a way to record her doing this because there is no way to recreate it in print . But it sounds a little like : Bee shtee borshtee bee shtee bore . * * * * * One evening at supper , the girls were being pretty silly . At the peak of silliness , Lauryn rolls her eyes heavenward , shakes her head and asks : " What is with these girls ? " * * * * * * I guess I should be glad that my girls are bad at name calling . The other morning after breakfast , Kora and Aubrey reminded Lauryn that she had silverware to put away in the drawer . She did not appreciate the reminder . As she stalked and stomped off to the kitchen , she yelled at them , " You 're just . . . just . . . just MEAN OLD LADIES ! " Today during church , Kora played the offertory piece for the first time . She 's been working on this piece this summer , and we are very proud of her . She said she was very nervous , but I never knew it . She 's always so calm . Her piece was a rendition of " Faith of Our Fathers . " ( By the way , I did not take these pictures during church . I snapped them while she was warming up before church . ) Remember Kora 's doll ? Well , Kora has been working on a dress for her off and on for quite some time ( we put it aside for several months at the end of the pregnancy and the first few months Ashlynn was here ) . This was her first item that she made from pattern to completion . She cut it out , She stitched , she gathered , she hemmed , she pressed seams , she did the hand work . She finished it last night . Kora is also the photographer ! Back views . Here you can see the front of the dress without the shawl . The sleeves have a double layer of lace . Next step : making a skirt for herself . Aubrey is nearly finished with a dress for her doll as well . I have to go get some silk flowers for her dress . When she gets them on , I 'll post a picture of that . Lauryn , who has gotten in trouble numerous times for playing in the water in the bathroom sinks , had been running the water a little too long the other morning . When I went in to tell her that she had washed her hands long enough , she told me , " Mama , I was not playing in the water . I was killing the bubbles from the soap ! " * * * * * * * * * * " Mama , Can I play a game ? " " What do you want to play ? " " I wanna play Hungry , Hungry Pickles ! " * * * * * * * * * * The other day Lauryn wandered in while I was watching a men 's diving competition from the Olympics . Lauryn sits down on the floor , proclaiming , " Cool ! I would want to do that ! " After watching for a minute or two , she turned to me with a worried expression , " But , Mama , I wouldn 't want to get my panties wet ! " ( I couldn 't help laughing when I explained that those weren 't their panties , but their swim suits . ) * * * * * * * * * At the dinner table , the girls were discussing which bug they would want to be if they were to become a bug for a day . Lauryn : " I don 't know . Hmmmm . ( Cocks her head and thinks for a minute . ) I don 't know , but I 'd want to be a biting one ! Well , I survived the first day of school ! Without Dr . Pepper , even ! ( Not without chocolate , though . ) It was a bit rough at times , as all the girls tried to remember the routine , and how we don 't watch movies or play on the computer during school . But it went much better than I feared . YEA ! We 've never taken this long a break before during the summer , however one thing that helped was a gradual start . By this I mean that we did not start all subjects this week . We did do math , grammar , spelling , vocabulary , and Kora did science . We 'll start history and Latin next week , and science for the other kids the next week . It always takes the kids a little while to get into the routine , so easing into it helps as they adjust . But I 'm not holding my breath for tomorrow ! ; - ) I finally take a picture of my way cool CVS run , and Crystal over at Money Saving Mom isn 't hosting her normal Super Savings Saturdays . Oh well , I 'm gonna post it anyway . Everything in this picture cost me a total of $ 2 out of pocket . This was two transactions , actually the second run . I had been to CVS earlier that day , but had forgotten a couple of really good coupons . I had to go home to nurse the baby anyway , so then I went back . All told that day I spent $ 22 at CVS and got all of this : The diapers alone should have cost more than that ! I received a registered letter today informing me that the police department was changing the charge on my ticket . The new charge is failing to yield right of way when turning left . I had had a couple of people tell me I should fight the ticket since I really didn 't run a red light , but someone figured out the mistake and changed it . So I guess I am stuck paying the - gulp ! - $ 172 fine . That was one expensive migraine ! Yesterday , I should have stayed in bed . And I really wanted to . I had gone to bed the night before with a terrible headache that I had hoped to sleep off . However as my consciousness slowly awoke , searing pain met me every time . So I kept going back to sleep , hoping that next time I started the waking process it would be different . It wasn 't . I had a full fledged migraine on my hands . Or head . I finally got up around 8 : 30 ( all my plans to get up early and cut out Dr . Pepper have been severely defeated this week ) , and fed the baby . Kora and Aubrey had fed the other kids already and cleaned up the kitchen , thankfully . Kelly called to check on me and strongly suggested that I go to the chiropractor . Although I didn 't really feel like getting out of the house as I was also strongly fighting nausea and couldn 't stand the sunlight , I decided that it would be better than suffering all day . So I got all the kids into the suburban and headed out . But the motion of the car and the bright sunshine made my nausea ten times worse . Kora asked me , " Should you be driving ? " I asked her , " Who else is going to drive me there ? " She conceded the point while talking about when she was going to learn to drive . I was concentrating on not loosing the breakfast I had finally eaten . As I turned onto the service road near the doctor 's office , I was seriously about to loose it . I was thinking about how once I got past this nightmare of an intersection , with tons of construction and closed lanes , I could get out and hopefully get relief . The car in front of me turned left and naturally I followed . I looked up just in time to notice that the light was green . What didn 't register was that I no longer had the left turn arrow . The light was green , but so was the light for the oncoming traffic . In my nauseous , miserable state , it didn 't occur to me that this was a problem until I had to swerve into the construction area to avoid getting side swiped by the other cars . In my foggy headed state I barely even registered what had happened . The girls thought Posted by My mother - in - law found a couple of pictures that I didn 't have from our proms . Here 's the junior prom again . I think my mom - in - law was going for some sort of refined gangster pose . : - ) And here 's the dress from my senior year . This one illustrates the skirt I was talking about . This was very " in " at the time ! I love the Olympics . I can 't seem to help just watching them . When I was growing up , my mom would lift the time limits on tv watching during the Olympics . Maybe that 's where it started . Regardless , I love watching all these sports I don 't usually get to see . Two years ago during the winter Olympics , I got into curling of all things . Now if the network would just leave off all the dramatic bios and time fillers , I 'd be perfectly happy . On our tenth anniversary , Kelly surprised me by taking me to Ruth 's Chris Steak House . Even though we had never paid that much for a meal before , it was soooo good ! We loved it and decided then and there to come back on our 15th anniversary . So for the past couple of months we have been talking about going back to Ruth 's Chris . So that 's what we did . If you 've never been there , you are sure missing out ! Kelly had made a reservation , so when we told them who we were , the hostess replied , " Oh , happy anniversary , Mr . and Mrs . smith . Right this way . " She then scattered rose petals on our table . The hostess came over and greeted us by name every time . We started of with an appetizer of calamari in a sweet and spicy Thai sauce . Yum ! Then we had a salad , followed by the main dish . I had a petite sirloin , while Kelly had two smaller petite sirloins topped with shrimp . The shrimp were so large he shared a couple with me . I paired this with a really good Riesling . ( Yes I know you aren 't supposed to do a white wine with steak , but I 'm not big on red wines and I love Riesling ! ) We topped it off with a chocolate chunk bread pudding . I didn 't think I liked bread pudding , but this stuff was wonderful . Not only was the food good , but the service was unparalleled and so completely spoiling . They even used a little metal scraper thing to clean off the white tablecloth between courses . Just save up before going - I refuse to publish how much dinner was , but we could 've bought enough groceries to feed the whole family for a couple of weeks ! Good thing we only go every five years . . . We went with very full tummies across the highway to see The Dark Knight . The best movie either of us had seen in a while . I can see now why there is Oscar buzz for Heath Ledger . His character was disturbing , eerie , all those things . The only downside was the casting for " Rachel . " Maggie Gyllenhaal was totally wrong . She was too bubbly and not nearly as sophisticated or complex as the part was supposed to be . But it was such a great movie , that it didn 't mattPosted by As promised , the other three girls . Lauryn who loves her baby sister . Brynna loves her glasses , and has been on a braid kick lately . Hailey has been lisping around here with two missing teeth and two braids as well . We have two three year olds in the house . This is Lauryn with an attitude - the my - life - is - so - rough Lauryn . The Lauryn we want to sell - no ! - pay someone to take at times . This is the cute Lauryn , the one that makes us laugh continually . Or at least all around the house . These are our two oldest girls , Kora ( 11 . 5 ) and Aubrey ( 9 . 5 ) . This what they looked like Thursday afternoon . This is what they looked like 30 minutes later . CJ , Aubrey did this just for you - you 've always wanted to trade hair , so now it is your turn to cut about 12 inches off ! ! Actually , the girls are going to send in the ponytails to Locks of Love , to be made into wigs for kids who have lost their hair . And the girls are still amazed at how easy and quick it is to wash and brush their hair now . But I 'm still doing a double take every time I look at them . So many times I have wanted to cut their hair ; but now , I 'm a little sad . Now for something totally unconnected to haircuts . Ashlynn ! My dad requested some new pictures of Ashlynn , so here goes ! More pics of the three other kids tomorrow . And coming soon , our anniversary date and other changes around the house ! Engagement and Wedding Shower PicturesBack to BIG Hair . Here are our official engagement pics , taken in March of ' 93 . My hair was longer by this time , so I guess that meant it had to be poofier . I had several wedding showers . That spring my roommate and a friend of mine gave me a lingerie shower . I don 't remember how this happened , but my mom AND future mother - in - law AND grandmother ended up coming to the shower hosted in a living area of our dorm building . Much as I love all three of those women , it was just a little embarrassing . I 'm not sure which was redder , my face or some of the items given to me - especially one from MY MOTHER IN LAW ! Here are April , Lara , and I - the two very sweet hostesses , and one nervous bride - to - be , trying not to look as embarrassed as I really was . My church gave me a traditional wedding shower that summer . Here are the aforementioned mother and mother - in - law . Fortunately blenders and dishes don 't embarrass me . Kelly 's church gave us an old - fashioned " pounding . " It was terrific . We got a quilt made by the ladies from the church who still met once a week to quilt on a frame that was suspended from the ceiling in one of the rooms at the church , as well as all sorts of handmade goodies and necessities for our kitchen . Someone gave us this rolling pen as well . Since my cooking skills were negligible at this point , I believe I was making some comment like , " Oh , is this to keep you in line ? " And Kelly was saying something like , " Keep that thing away from me ! " We had no official wedding coordinator . But my mom and I had everything under control . Here I am at the rehearsal handing out everyone 's marching orders - er , I mean , handing out the order of events so that everything could run smoothly . yeah , that was it . What a bunch of hooligans ! Somehow I don 't have a picture of the girls in the wedding . I think my mother - in - law was biased - her two sons were in the middle and her nephew is the red head beside Tony , my brother - in - law . Always trust Tony to add a bit of fun to any circumstance ! My mom had toPosted by I am a blessed wife of more than 17 years , homeschooling mother to 6 beautiful girls , and a daughter of the King . My husband and I jokingly referred to our homeschooling endeavor as the " Smith Academy for Girls " several years ago , and as God kept blessing us with girls , the name stuck . We hope this blog will help our family and friends stay in touch with us as we strive to bring up our brood to be godly women in His Kingdom . Our family owned and operated computer business ! If you live in the San Antonio area and need computer work of any kind done , we offer professional services for home or small business . Please visit us at www . southtexastech . com
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This blog was about students coming together and making films for this film festival . People from all over would come to see these films as well . This gave the children a chance to do everything for the films with no help from adults . I commented back to this blog by saying that this sounds amazing . Children can learn many things about themselves by doing this kind of stuff . Also that sometimes people realize these children have amazing talents they didn 't know they had before . This blog told us about how they were giving one class netbooks as an experiment . They are trying to further technology in their schools . Each year more and more students will get the netbooks . The students had to sign an agreement saying they will take care of the netbook and not use it in an inappropriate way . I commented back to this post and said this is not only showing the children how to research certain things and discover things on their own ; but it is also teaching the children responsibility . My PLN has helped me out so much ! I never knew that having a PLN would be so much fun ! I have enjoyed this class very much . At first I thought this class was not going to be much fun at all , but it has turned out to be one of the most exciting classes I have ever taken here at USA . My PLN will help me out very much in the future . The boy 's blog I read was a short story that told us that snakes can be dangerous , snakes are sneaky and snakes can be big and little . He also had a picture of a huge snake below his story . I wrote him back and said ; snakes can be sneaky . I also told him that the first thing I looked at in his short story was the huge snake in the picture below his story . In this students blog they wrote about what they were thankful for . They wrote that they were thankful for their family . They also listed every member of their family they were thankful for . I wrote them back by saying that I am also thankful for my family and that I did not know what I would do with out them . I also told her I wished that my family was as big as theirs . This blog post was for any student who might have missed placed their homework sheet . I relied back to her homework assignment by saying that ; this looked like a really fun way to learn spelling . And also I wish my teachers would have done this for me when I was in school . Yasmine was telling us about this rabbit her friend had and that they were going to teach it how to do tricks . She told us that she doubts it will be easy to do . I replied to her post by saying that I agree with her than it probably will be very hard to train the rabbit . Good Luck ! ALEX stands for Alabama Learning Exchange ! This website is very helpful for teachers because it gives them ideas for lesson plans , they can listen to podcasts , web links that help teachers in the classroom and links for students and administration as well . This website is very helpful for everyone associated with schools . ACCESS stands for Alabama Connecting Classrooms , Educators & Students Statewide . This website gives kids additional material for school that they might not get at school . It also has countless resources for everyone in the school such as counselors and administration . This is a great way to teach children ! ! Life in general is confusing so children need to be exposed at looking at everything in life from several different angles ; so I believe that a metaphor is an excellent thing to teach children . The metaphor of the pencil compared to the middle school children was very well described and very true . The middle school children are up one day and down the next just like how a pencil can write dark black and then be gray ! These are totally different things that one person and pencil can do . In " He just likes the class for the pencils " was very moving . The child loved the class because she was respected and the teacher listened to him we need to respect all of the children and they will all love the class for the " pencils " . In " The medium shapes the learning " we see that mediums shapes what we are trying to teach our children . For our final project we have decided to do a movie . We are going to interview teachers about what they think about smart boards and how they think that smart bored are beneficial for the children . My partners are Kindra Blackwell and Leah Davis . I was very suprised that some students said that we should not have more money given to the art program . 40 % of the students siad that music would benifit the children more than any of the other art domains . Another thing that was very suprising was that the students said that their favorite subject in elementary school was spelling . Art was offered at their school but the students still chose spelling as their favorite subject in elementary school spelling was 47 % . So maybe we should put art with spelling in some kind of way . In this video the children tell us how much fun it is to do stuff on the computer and they do not even realize they are learning because they are having fun . The use of technology also helps the parents out greatly . Most of the children that are around the technology or computers actually teach the parents how to work the computer . This also helps the parents to stay more in touch with the child 's teachers and they can hear podcast from their child 's class . They can also go on the teachers sites and find educational sites to help the children in certain subjects they might need help on . First Graders in Ms . Cassidy 's class Little Kids … Big PotentialThese children were amazing ! ! I just now am learning how to do things on blogs and do a lot of basic stuff on the internet ! These children will go very far in life . I hope that more and more schools use these technologies to better there child 's knowledge and better their futures and knowledge of technology . I loved Ms . Cassidy 's approaches in her class room . I would say this is a elementary EDM 310 . I would love to use blogging in my class room and also Skype with my children . I think that they would love to blog and they would look forward to the responses they get from people from all over the world . The impediments would be if the children did not use the blog for educational purposes and if for some reason we had technological difficulties when due dates are coming near . Patricia drew a picture of herself pretending to a Maori Mariner . She wrote that she was paddling to Aotearoa and when she gets there she is going to kiss the golden sand . I posted on Patricia 's picture that I loved the colors she used in her picture . Also I really liked the cross she had on her boat in the picture . C4K # 4 In Clareice 's blog post she told us she was excited about the holiday coming up because she was going to China . Her father and grandmother live there and she was excited to go see them . I replied back to her post and said you seem very excited about going to China and have fun . C4K # 5 The senior in high school tells us that " education is not a destination but is a journey " . He tells us the most important things he has learned in school . And he also tells us about how women in Saudi Arabia are treated and how they have to have permission from a male to do day to day things . But if these women were educated they would know that they don 't have to put up with this and leave ! ! I relied to his post by saying ; I think the world would be a much better place if we were all educated . Joe said that school has changed so much for him since 4th grade . He said that they now have their own personal computers rather than having to share computers now . I replied to his post by saying that it sounds like school for you really has changed for you since 4th grade . I did not get my own person computer until I started college . The first post I commented on for Mr . C 's blog was about his first week of school which was very stressful for him . He said he needed to make more time for his planning his lessons instead of helping everyone else and not preparing for his stuff . He also said that it was hard doing team teaching when he didn 't even have time to plan stuff with the other teacher ! He also stated he was teaching math for the first time in eight years ; he was trying to put real world stuff behind it so it would seem easier for the students ! I commented back to his blog by saying I like your thoughts about how to be prepared for the first week of school and good luck with getting the students to learn with real world experiences in math class . In the second post I commented on for Mr . C 's blog he stated that he was reflecting on his first day of school . He reflected on this day of school to better his elf and to make sure the coming days of school were better and better . He told us what he needed to improve on and what he needed to do to make the class more beneficial for the students ! He said he needed to talk to the children more and not about himself so he will get to know the children . He also said he needed to be prepared for problems in the classroom the students might have before he comes to class . I replied to his post by saying ; I thought it was wonderful he was reflecting on the first day to better his class . And I also think that all teachers should do this so that their students get the best quality experience in the classroom they need . I think the most important thing that Sir Ken Robinson had to say was that our children are being drugged to not be themselves ! Children really are being medicated for things they do not even have . They are not being able to be themselves and live a happy life because these doctors are drugging them up to concentrate more in class because the children are so bored . When he said you do not always need an education that threw me off a little but he was right . I think you do need to at least try and get an education just as a backup plan in case your none education job does not work out . I believe Sir Ken Robinson 's views are much like the ones we study today in college . The strategy that Robinson said was good for children was collaboration . I believe children learn best from each other . To address these issues we as future educators could try teach the children how to think divergently and how to learn with others . I loved this demonstration ; my favorite part was the illustrations . I believe I would be the artist in the project . It would be fun coming up with people to draw and ways to convey the story . An Open Letter to Educators In Morgan 's post she tells us how she was tired of her teachers just lecturing and nothing else . She stated they were not pushed to get together with other students and help or anything like that . All that they had to depend on was the teacher . The world is changing daily and if our teachers are not somewhat changing with it , then how are we supposed to learn new stuff so we can teach our future children in our classrooms ? I totally agreed with Morgan and everything she had to say . I also loved Brains video ; I am glad someone has chosen to make a stand and try and make a change . You know that those teachers have to know that they are boring as anything why don 't they try and get with the 21st century ? I agree with both of them they both had very good points . I agree that sitting in a classroom for countless hours is worthless . After about fifteen minutes every single student in that classroom is thinking of something totally different than what the teacher is lecturing ! I believe that if the teachers do not get with the program our future is not going to go anywhere ! My Sentence : She is there to help no matter what or when ! I loved this video this really made you think , it made you think not only about yourself but about others around you . It also made you think wow was I my best yesterday and what can I do for tomorrow to make it my best I can be ! ! Mr . McClung had a good point about knowing the audience , and if they do not understand you are wasting your time and theirs . I loved the fact of keeping a smile on his face when a lesson or project did not go well for Mr . McClung . If you let the children realize you are upset about how something went on in the class they are more than likely to get upset as well . I love his note about be reasonable , " don 't " . He says don 't set your expectations too high and that you get upset when the children do not do exactly what you wanted them to do . We as teachers really cannot be scared of technology ; technology is everywhere we look especially in the classroom and in our children 's lives . I loved the comment the child made about knowing when the teacher cared about them . Some children might not be able to be themselves or express themselves anywhere but school , and when they are at school they need all the attention they can get . Mr . Miller was right about not even having to go to a single library to do a bit of research . He said he did a report on the shooting at Virginia Tech and he did not leave his computer to get information . It is amazing what kind of information we have at our finger tips . We just need to know how to do adequate research and amazing presentations . Miller tells us also that we can go look at the news papers online and see the article and the picture moving ; it is a news cast on the news paper . It makes for a more interactive documents . We need to use publication as well in our multimedia writing . When we use multimedia images and videos around the world we are helping spread education all over the world . We need to use the web to also inform others of events in our our town or country , these multimedia videos might be the only way some people know about what is going on across the world . I believe that I will be prepared to write with multimedia ! This class has been beyond helpful , and has actually been fun . It is always fun to learn new stuff and I believe our future students will enjoy learning how to write with multimedia . If we teach our children this kind of technology we will have a bright future in this world . At the beginning of Randy 's speech he introduces himself then breaks the news to us about his illness ! This illness does not stop even though he does not have much longer to live . He demonstrates to us that he is healthier than a lot of other people . He seems to be very strong and he is not trying to get sympathy he is still trying to live his life as normal as possible . He then tells us he had a bunch of childhood dreams . I don 't remember having any certain childhood dreams . Maybe I was too busy running around and I didn 't have time to think about these things . Never the less this list Randy had he accomplished about every dream . Who can say they have accomplished just about all of their childhood dreams . He talked about his football coach as a child who taught him a special lesson . His coach taught him not only football ; but he taught him how to work with others and team work . We as future educators need to work these kind of lessons into anything and everything . We think lessons like this will not make an impact on children ; but I think they are listening to us more than we think . This speech was wonderful ! Not only did he have so many inspiring things to say it was touching . He gave this speech for his children . He wanted them to have something to look back on and to inspire them and to give them some tips on life . He never tried to make us feel bad for him , he was just giving his speech for his children . He is probably the strongest person I have ever seen , to act the way he does and live the way he dose to be in his position . The whole time during this speech I couldn 't help but think why him ? I am glad we watched this video , it was very good and very touching ! I believe that if learners are motivated they can definitely teach themselves anything they put their heart to . As Sugata Mitra shows us in this video children can teach themselves . They were very interested in what they saw in the computer and they learned how to work it . The computer and internet were both very new to these village people in India ; they learned so fast how to work the computer . When we got a new toy as children , didn 't we try and learn how to work it and didn 't stop until we could do it just perfectly ? This computer is just like us having that new toy on Christmas morning . They were determined and anxious to get this new toy working . Motivation plays a huge role in a desire to learn , if a child has no motivation , then he or she will not be willing to learn new material . If we do not have problems or questions then how would we get to the source of the problem . It was all trial and error in this experiment Mitra did . In order to motivate someone you have to first catch their interest ! I do not think anyone who is not motivated to learn will learn . They might remember something for a few days but it will not stick . I believe that we do teach our self daily ! We teach ourselves daily because we are around different and new stuff every day , but only if we are interested will it probably stick with us . A teacher is there as a guide to help us along our intellectual journey . This video was amazing ; children are brilliant ! Children are not given all the credit they should be , they can figure out most anything you put in front of them . I was amazed at how much the children learned month after month that Mr . Mitra came back to see them . I think that we as aspiring teachers should take into consideration that our children can be very prominent self learners and that we need to use computers and technology in our classrooms . My personal learning network has grown tremendously , more than I could have ever imagined ! I am now on twitter and following many teachers and I have opened my horizons to look and do more research on my own . At first I thought I would never use this class as a teacher ; but now I am so amazed at how all of these tools Dr . Strange has introduced is going to be so helpful in my classroom . I am so thankful now to have someone that will teach me how to do my own research ! I have never been in another classroom that has taught me so much . This is the only class out of my whole college career that has thought me so much I already did not know . Mr . Crosby says that children are not being taught about what is outside of most kids little town so they know nothing about anything other than what is in their town . He says we need to open their minds and let them explore . I responded by saying I totally agree and that with the technology we have today there is no excused for not letting them learn and explore what is out in the world . In " learning is messy " Mr . Crosby shows us some things to do for Thanksgiving and to teach the children the history or Thanksgiving . The children and their teacher all brought together authentic foods the pilgrims ate on the first thanks giving . Some of the children had never even had a thanksgiving meal . The children learned a lot from this the watched videos on this occasion about the first Thanksgiving and learned so much . Most of all they enjoyed the active learning . I responded to his post by saying ; this is a wonderful activity to do with all ages groups . I would have enjoyed this project so much in school . The kids learn so much more when they are actively involved . I will definitely use this in my classroom . A teacher is still needed for a networked student . They are needed if the student gets stuck and needs some help finding something or gets lost in the process of researching a certain topic . She also helps her student organize all of their information they have already acquired . I love the thought of connectivism . Connectivisim can be used in so many ways not just online . It keeps you actively looking for answers not just looking in a certain book . I love the idea of not having a text book ; number one books cost too much and number two it is eco friendly ! I wish I had a teacher like Mrs . Drexler when I was in middle school . I believe that all teachers should encourage their students to become active learners and to expand their social network . But , teach them how to use she social networks in a safe and beneficial way . Online blogging and research is what our society is coming to these days , so we need to teach our children as much as possible ! This 7th grader just blew my mind ! She is amazing in my book . I cannot believe kids that young know how to do this kind of stuff that we as college students are just now learning . These children are going to be our future leaders , they are going to be brilliant ! Her PLE is way more broad than my PLN . I wish i was as wise as this little girl and had as much insight as she does on how to enhance her PLE . The speaker brought up several good points . He also used several funny videos . One thing he talked about was making an identity for yourself in the classroom . If you want to have a relationship with a teacher you have to make an identity for yourself . Posted by In Kiley M . 's " It 's All About Me ! " Kiley tells us about her family , she has two brothers and two sisters , she is the youngest of all of them . She is good at asking questions in class when she does not understand what is going on . She likes to draw and would die if she did not have her cell phone ! I commented her back and said that I am not a fan of math either . I like to paint so I guess that is kind of like drawing as well . And that if I did not have my cell phone I would die as well . Kiley 's Manifesto was about being a better student . She said she will pay more attention so she will understand what is going on at school . She will use what she learns at school in everyday life . She is determined to get her education to get a good job . I replied to her post by saying ; you are a very smart girl to stay focused on your school work . You can still have fun with your friends and do your school work . I believe if you keep your mind set the right way you will have a very bright future . I never thought about using podcasts for younger children until reading " Langwitches " . The children used so many skills during the pod cast . We would not think they would use in this kind of project . Technology really is so helpful in all grades and is continuing to get better . I think this website will benefit all teachers who are a little older and did not learn how to use podcasts and or computers at all . If teachers will use this website to learn how to do podcast then teach their children they will give them a better start for the future . I think this website is great and will help those who do not know much about technology , if they are willing to put for the effort . Judy Scharf Podcast Collection Mrs . Scharf 's tips on how to do a podcast were very helpful . She gave step by step directions on how to succeed in your podcast and how to plan according to a certain time frame to get your podcast done . She was very helpful about how to research your topic . If you follow these steps she has laid out you should have no problem . In " Don 't Teach Your Kids this Stuff . Please ? " , Mr . McLeod makes some comical points . He is telling parents , teachers , board members and administrators not to teach children about anything having to do with computers or technology . As we all know though our world as we know it is coming to a very technological state . Everything we want to know is at our finger tips and children need to learn about it . But at the end of his blog he says please do not do any of this ; " cause I 'm doing all of it with my kids " . He is trying to say you all don 't do it , I am and I am going to kind of experiment and see how far my children go with this extra knowledge . The iSchool Initiative I think this is a wonderful ideal . If a school can just save on paper cost alone they would save a ton of money and that would mean not as many teachers let go . This would also be wonderful when we have book shortages in class rooms with the iSchool all children would get a book and would have a chance at learning . All of the cut backs would be great for any school system . The only drawback to this idea is that some parents or guardian do not have access to a computer to look at upcoming events or to look at their child 's grades . And would the public school system by all of the students and iSchool or would the parents buy this device ? But I think this is a great idea if it will help cut back cost and improve spending elsewhere in the school systems across the nation . WOW ! ! This was an amazing video , I loved it . I was shocked at the beginning of this video and at the end I was amazed at the creativity . We are the ones who can change the world ; we need to make a difference . The technique used in the presentation was awesome I have never seen anything like it . This was my most favorite video so far ! I grew up going to church and listening to the choir sing . But I have never heard such beautiful voices in my life . Our church choir meets at least once or twice a week for several hours at a time to practice . And these people have never met . This was the most amazing thing to watch . It is scary that we don 't even have to meet a person in person to practice something . And it 's also amazing to think what a little mic and camera can do and can connect 185 people together from across the world to organize a choir . The internet absolutely amazes me every single day there is more to learn . Google Squared is very educational because it gives you numerous more facts than what you typed in . It is like a flower , it petals out into additional information that has to do with what you searched for . It takes information from other websites and puts it in a spreadsheet . Wolfram alpha is educations because it computes number for you and facts about numbers of population or stock ; just anything to do with numbers . Before this assignment I did not know about Google Squared or Wolfram Alpha . I am very happy I found out about these sites , I will definitely be used the sites for future searches . My thoughts and comments I made in my blog about Did You Know have not changed . I did not talk about statistics in my blog post . Statistics cannot be taken seriously until you compare ratios of the countries first . The stable boy story was very sweet ! I work at a day care and I had my ipod touch out and a for year old came up to me and started playing games and moving stuff around it was very amazing ! Kind of similar to the story we read . This video is very factual . Every year we spend thousands of dollars on book that we do not even use in a class . What is that doing for us ? I will be probably in debt about $ 30 , 000 when I graduate . I pay for my own college . If you are a good persistent student you usually really do spend about 3 . 5 hour 's online everyday if not more . I too work about two to three hours a day . I full time college student can 't hardly work much more than that . I agree with the seven hours spent sleeping every day , if I get more than that I must not be doing enough homework . I loved this video it was all so true and we don 't thing about every other college student going through the same thing we are , it 's world wide . Ms . Hines starts by telling us that technology is not the key to learning everything in schools . First teachers need to know there students to get anything across to them . If the teachers do not know the latest trends in learning then they might not get across to the students . She says we have to " work smarter not harder . " This means some students might learn differently so if we " work smarter " meaning getting them to learn according to their learning ability it will stick better . The use of computers in schools is useless if the teacher does not know how to use it . Why have a smart bored if the whole time during class the teacher is learning how to used it while teaching , that is taking time away from the children learning . Ms . Hines says that if a teacher can come up with a creative new way to teach a certain subject then go for it ! This will only help and prepare the student for what is yet to come . I agreed with everything Mr . Fisch had to say . If we do not use technology in today 's class room how are we going to connect with our children in our class room . Today 's world revolves around technology and computers . We have to teach our children how to look other places to find answer and to explore outside or a text book . I wish I had these types of skill before I entered college . So as future teachers we are going to have to engage in technology and help our kids learn as much as they can about it . This will change our world as we know it . This media count is ridicules . We do not actually think about any of this on a daily basis . This means that personal networking is booming and people are staying connected in so many ways more than face to face . This would never have happened twenty years ago . Now we can learn so many new things as future teachers that we would not have learned about unless we went to a billion workshops . These new online tools will help us greatly . In Mrs . Ann Carnevale 's first blog I commented on she explains how to bookmark pdf files . She also added a link to a page that showed us fourteen exercises to do on the first day of class ; some get to know your class activities . I replied to Mrs . Carnevale 's post by say thank you for the tip on how to bookmark a pdf file , this will save me a lot of headaches in the near future I will no longer be scrolling up and down a page for hours trying to find what I read ten minutes ago . And the fourteen ways to get to know your class link was very cute and very good ideas about how to see what the kids and I have in common with the each other . The second blog I commented on was about websites Mrs . Carnevale thought would help teachers in the class room pertaining to technology such as the smart board and voice thread . She also posted a video of an introduction to the wonder wheel on Google . I replied to her blog by saying these different tools used in the class room will help with all types of learning abilities . I wish my teachers would have used interactive learning techniques when I was in school , I think I would have done a lot better . This video was amazing . I could actually see all of these facts actually happening . They seem unrealistic at first but they are so real . And apparently American kids are not as smart as Indian kids , which is really sad for us as future educators to think about . We need to make a bigger impact on these children lives so we can change these statistics . Seeing how all the technology has changed over the past twenty years is insane . Who knew the first text was in 1992 . I thought the first text was maybe in 2002 . It is kind of crazy to think how different life might be ten years from now , and how technology shapes our lives . Mr . Winkle Wakes This move was very funny . If I woke up and everything was different I would have freaked out . Mr . Winkle was very brave to go and explore the city he was in . Even if someone was in a coma for a year or so and woke up they would probably feel as though Mr . Winkle did . In this day in age we come create new technologies every day and build new buildings daily . You cannot miss a single thing now or you will be lost in society , things change daily around here . The video was right about schools not changing in the way we sit in class and listen to the teacher . But even though we still do school the same way we have added a bit of technology to it . We now bring computers to school with us and submit homework online sometimes . We also have smart boards along with countless other new technologies . The importance of creativity If your are scared you are going to do the wrong thing then you will mess up . If we just go with what we are feeling we will probably come up with something creative . I have never thought about schools killing creativity as Sir Kin Robinson said , but he is absolutely right . If one kid is acting out or not being quiet he or she is sent to the office . Then these children think they shouldn 't do anything else , for fear of being sent to the office . This will prohibit them from coming out and showing their creativity . We need to encourage our kids in the class room to be themselves . This will create even more creative people in the world . I loved this video he was very funny and was completely honest with his thoughts and ideas . This video was very informational . I wish I would have had a teacher like Mrs . Davis when I was in high school . She helped her kids prepare for college technology class and helped enhance their personal networks of learning . I believe we should have classes like this in all high schools across the United States . The graduation rates would be up in all schools if the kids had more help and knowledge of how to look certain items up and looking at others blogs that have already done the stuff they are doing . We as future educators need to work this type of system into our class rooms to not only teach our children but to stay connected with them even when they don 't make it to school . I was born in Mobile and I have lived here my whole life . A few of my interest include Braves baseball , cricuting ( electronic cutting machine for crafting ) and a new interest of mine is tennis . The reason for my attendance at USA is because I could not see myself any where else . I came from a small private school , and although USA is not small it is not too overwhelming as well . I have one sister who is attending cosmetology school currently . She went to USA for one year and decided it was not for her ; at least she tired ! My mom was a stay at home mom the whole time I was in school , when my sister and I graduated she decided she did not want to just sit at home , so she became a substitute teacher at the school we attended . One day before work I went to visit her ; she had 3rd grade that day . When I got there they were doing math work so I jumped right in and started helping . Helping those kids and realizing I just helped them learn made a huge impact on me that day . It was the greatest experience I had ever experienced I finally realized what I was supposed to do in life . That is when I decided I needed to change my major to education . Prior to education i was a business major . I love to be outside doing activities . I do not watch T . V . ; never really been a big T . V . junkie . I am kind of shy , but in this field I think you kind of got to get over that ; I am currently working on that part of my personality .
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Since we had gone to bed early the night before , I had thoughts of getting up at 4AM to get into the ( presumably ) deserted hot springs and enjoy the stars and the sunrise . But when I woke up at 4AM it was very cold and dark and I remembered that mountain lions hunted at dawn and dusk . Didn 't they ? I would probably be eaten if I started wandering around by myself . Traveling at a gentle pace , it took us about 3 hours to climb up to the pass . As we got higher and higher , some kinds of wildflowers would disappear and others appear . For a while the grass around us was a carpet of white , then it was yellow , red , and purple , then finally white and yellow - green . Even toward the very top , new flowers were appearing that we had not seen below 13 , 000 ' . There were many small creeks running down to the valley floor , where bears failed to roam among the shrubs . We saw no wildlife until we got up to the pass . Storms were forming to the east , but they stayed there , allowing us to spend nearly an hour up at the pass . Afternoon storms are a regular thing in Colorado , and they can be severe , with both hail and copious lightning . In fact , the day we left for Conundrum , ten people had been struck by lightning at two sites in Colorado , though that 's quite unusual - - since the year 2000 , Colorado has averaged 13 injuries from lightning each year . On the way up to the hot springs we had gone by the trail to Electric Pass , highest trail pass in Colorado , and so named because of the number of strikes it gets . Despite its initial apparent interest in us , it then began to browse for a while , mostly ignoring us , and finally wandered along the ridgeline and headed up the next peak . At one point it was up on its hind legs , looking about . Just as I pressed the shutter button on my camera , it sat back down . So , this picture is not quite as majestic as it could have been . We ate lunch while other hikers came up and down . One woman was talking about how she 'd been up on some peak during a storm and could feel her hairs stand on end and her ears buzz . Hm . I think that would be a cool thing to experience , but I would be a fool to ever put myself in a situation where I could experience it . The hike to the hot springs , and onward up to Triangle Pass , was some of the best and most beautiful hiking I have done in my life . It is certainly the most beautiful place I have been in Colorado . I didn 't know there were places like this - - if you have read the blog much you have heard me talk about how ugly the mountains around Denver are . Previous backpacking and hiking I 've done in various ranges around CO has been full of dry pines baking in the sun while dust blows around . But this valley was lush and green and the wildflowers were like something out of a dream . Oddly , it made me like all of Colorado more , just to know this was here . We got back to the campsite , had a snack , and went for a soak in the hot springs . Some rangers came by and asked everybody if they had their permits and poop bags . People were already drinking by then , one couple out of metal wine glasses . Most just had wine in bags or poured into nalgenes . Kris and Erin returned and joined us and it was a very social time . Then it started to hail . The temperature quickly became extremely cold . No one wanted to get out . Everyone cowered down as low in the water as they could go , saying , " Ow ! Ow ! " But I did get out after a bit , because I had left some clothing out . I climbed back to our site and put it in the tent , and then came back to the logs by the hot springs where people put their stuff and covered up Sarah 's clothes with her rain jacket . They were already a little wet . The hail didn 't last very long . Soon a steady rain began . It was still chilly out , and at the edge of the pool , where we were , the water wasn 't all that hot . I hovered on the verge of shivering . Darkness began to gather and more and more hikers came up with their big packs , looking for a place to camp , though all the sites were taken . One pair of women were looking , unsuccessfully , for their friends . Their friends had the tents . Finally they just got in the hot springs . More people got in the hot springs . The rain wasn 't stopping . Sarah and I told each other that if there was lightning , we 'd get out . It rained and rained . People were getting drunker . It was cold . All the clothing on the logs was soaked . Finally we heard thunder , and I said , " That 's it , " and made myself get out into the cold air . I tied my wrap around me and began to run up the hill to the campsite , slipped and fell and stood up again with blood streaming from three places on my leg . I walked ( more slowly ) back to the hot springs to wash the mud off . Despite being under her rain jacket , all of Sarah 's clothes were now soaked . We climbed into the tent , piled the wet things in the vestibule , and got into the sleeping bags to warm up . It got dark . It was still raining . Kris and Erin hadn 't come back yet . I fell asleep . At some point I got up , put my rain gear on , and went out to try to start the stove , but it wouldn 't start . So we ate cheese and crackers for supper in the tent . Bears , kill us now ! And we went back to sleep . Sort of . I tossed and turned for most of the night because the ground felt very cold and hard , and also the tent was leaking near my head . And rockslides continued through the night , louder than before . At 6AM , it was still raining . At 8AM , it was still raining . Finally lucid - - somewhat - - I discovered that the ground felt cold and hard because my air mattess had sprung a leak and was now flat . We had to get up . We had a 5 + - hour hike and 4 + - hour drive to get back to Denver . And it was never , ever going to stop raining . For the rest of our lives . I had enough clothing for four layers on top and two on the bottom , but Sarah had very little that was dry , so I gave her two of my shirts and my fleece pants to wear under her rain gear . And got out of the tent and began to take the hammocks down . My hands soon became so cold that they wouldn 't open or close , and they hurt like heck . It was in the 40s or 50s out . We stuffed everything into the packs wet and covered in dirt and pine needles . The trash bag I had been using as a pack cover I gave to Erin for use as a poncho , because her rain jacket was soaked through . At 9 : 30 or so we were ready and set off . As we passed the hot springs , Erin and Kris stopped to warm their hands in the water . And I knelt down and put my fingertips in the water too , for a moment , until they started to throb with a searing pain that was so bad I felt it all the way up my arms . I gave up . They would have to warm up as I hiked . We hiked down and down and crossed a couple streams by bridges or by balancing on rocks . One beautiful thing was to see the waterfalls streaming like silver threads down the cliffs all around us , clouds suspended just above . Then we came to this . This had been a ford on the way up , which we had crossed by balancing on rocks and logs without getting our feet wet . Now it was a flooded forest with a swift channel rushing through the middle . As we stood there looking at it , other hikers came and stood until there were ten or so of us , talking about how to get across . After about 20 minutes of discussion and trying some different things , we changed into our water shoes , unclipped the waist belts on our packs , held hands , and shuffled across sideways in a chain . The water wasn 't as cold as I expected - - actually it felt nice , refreshing , though I 'm not sure why that should be as it was already 50 degrees and raining . And I seemed to be the only one of that opinion . The water rushed up around my knees but footing on the bottom was pretty secure . I have always wanted to ford a river while backpacking ! Not really , but I always wanted to have done it . Because then I would have that experience . Anyway , between the refreshingness of it and the teamwork and the novelty factor , it was one of my favorite parts of the trip . And things went downhill from there - - with no more life - threatening situations to problem - solve , the rest of the hike was hours of putting one foot in front of the other in the rain . Stopping to eat snacks in the rain . Our M & Ms were pale and spotted . We could never stop for too long because we 'd get too cold . It wasn 't horrible , but it was a bit dreary . Around 1PM it stopped raining - - it had been going steady for about 18 hours - - and that was nice , for about 15 minutes . Until it started raining again . Later I heard stories about things that happened after I 'd gone to bed in the rain , of people passing out drunk in the hot springs and needing to be dragged out lest they drown themselves . Between the weather and the drugs and alcohol I 'm surprised I haven 't heard of people dying there over the years . . . it is popular , and becoming moreso . The forest service is now considering limiting the number of permits to visit the site . I encourage you to visit , but your visit may not be like mine - - it may be much more boring , or much more hazardous . I feel I got just enough of both the beauty and the wildness of the wilderness , myself . We had another backpacking trip a couple weeks ago , to Conundrum Hot Springs outside of Aspen . It is about a nine - mile uphill hike to the hot springs . As soon as we got to the trailhead on Thursday afternoon , it started raining . And here we are . We walked for a while and we saw a bear . It was up on the hillside . I don 't have a picture of it , because when I glanced up it disappeared behind a bush . This is the first bear I have seen while hiking . It wasn 't scary . It was far away and obviously afraid of us . Then it started to pour . You need to put rain gear on when that happens , because what if it never stops ? And night falls and your one outfit of clothes is soaked . It was one of the most beautiful hikes I have ever been on . There were so many aspen , wildflowers , butterflies , and jagged mountain ridges . Also , there was a moose . There was much discussion about whether to camp now , or to try to make it up to the actual campsites near the hot springs . I was in favor of the latter . I hate the idea of being done with supper before dark . What are you going to do between supper and bedtime , sit around and talk ? ? Boring . We kept walking . We hiked for about 7 hours . Shortly after darkness fell , we came upon some paths . These turned out to be the unmarked sites where you could have campfires , but we didn 't know this at the time , and so kept hiking , the trail continuing up steeply in the dark . Some of us were very tired , and possibly actually asleep by this time . It was pitch black when we finally came to a sign with a map showing the locations of the official campsites , with a little trail leading off close by to campsites 1 , then 2 , then 3 . They were still 1 / 4 mile from the hot springs , further away than we had wanted to camp , but the ground in front of us seemed increasingly vertical and rocky and even I was running out of motivation to continue . I explored further down the trail . It seemed to peter out in the woods . Campsite 3 was very slanted and looked like it would be unpleasant to camp on . Also , someone had left stuff there . Were they coming back later to set up camp ? We kept looking around for sites 1 and 2 in the total darkness . No luck . We thought we were going crazy . As soon as we stopped hiking and generating body heat it began to feel very cold , because it was very cold . The others set up the tents while I boiled our bratwurst . Everyone thanked me for making supper . What ! They were wrestling with freezing - cold metal tent poles while I huddled over a hot stove . We had about a 15 - minute hike up to the hot springs , where a couple people were soaking . There is one main pool and 2 - 3 smaller pools ; I have read that the main pool is about 98 degrees , found that the smaller pools were cooler . Based on what I saw over the next few days , the main pool can fit 20 or so seated people in relative comfort , and 40 + drunken people with looser boundaries . You can see the bubbles where the hot water is coming in . The center of the pool was hottest , and difficult to stand for long if it was also sunny out . Sarah and I relaxed for a long time in the lukewarmish upper pool , which was the right temperature when the sun was out . It was partly shaded and we had it to ourselves , which was lovely , even if it was mucky . I thought I would get bored , but I guess soaking in an alpine valley at 11 , 200 ' with 360 degree views is different from soaking in the basement of Indian Hot Springs - after two hours of not doing much but just lying there and looking , I still felt like I could stay there the rest of the day . Meanwhile , Kris and Erin had begun investigating the campsites that were available right near the springs , and eventually decided to pack up our lower camp and move up to them . So Sarah and I would follow . . . sometime . We got chilly eventually and moved to the main pool , which was by then unoccupied . It was very luxurious . I have since read that this cabin - - a former ranger post they no longer have money to staff - - was until recently still roofed . It provided a shelter from the occasional bad hailstorms that shredded tents , piled up six inches of hail and turned summer back into winter for a day and a half . But this is a wilderness area and the forest service has decided to take the roof off and let the structure fall apart , so that the area may conform better to its wilderness designation . We were lucky enough to be able to set up our new camp in site 8 , which is on a little promontory just above the hot springs . ( I would recommend that , if anyone else is inspired enough to take a similar trip , you camp in a meadow around mile 5 or 6 the first night , then arrive at the hot springs between 9 and 2 the next day , to be able to get a site there . ) Here is Sarah coming up the final stretch to site 8 : After I took this , she said , " Oh , you 're not taking a picture of me climbing up the hill , are you ? " I think she thought she looked droppy and exhausted . So I said , " I 'll take another one without you in it . " Here is a picture without Sarah in it ; please only look at this picture . After we re - set - up our tent there were people in the hot springs , and , having been spoiled by our solo experience earlier , we decided to refrain and spent some time just . . . I forget , actually . Possibly we lay in hammocks and had wine and cheese . No , really . Kris had brought a bag of wine and Sarah had brought some fromage de chevre avec herbs de Provence , or something . We ate and drank and played cards . It was warm when the sun was out but rather chilly without it . There were rockslides happening on a fairly continuous basis down the naked slopes of the mountain to the east of us . This was exciting to me . We all know that mountains erode , and they do so over geologic time . But geologic time includes now . It was a unique but impossible - to - mistake sound , both a porcelain - like tinkling and a deep rumbling at the same time . Sometimes I could see the cobbles and boulders bouncing down . They were far away from us , but still , just 100 feet away were some large boulders that had made it all the way down , bouncing over the piles of scree and over the fields of bush and scattered tree as well . How often did a boulder make it that far ? Who knows ?
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There are hours left of this year . This year has been busy , exhausting , amazing , surprising , and a hundred other adjectives . This year has seen a trip to Utah , the celebration of 10 years of marriage , the start of dental school for Hubster , Monkey head off to kindergarten , and Bug get glasses . There are many ways to summarize a year , either in blog posts , numbers , or stories . But I 'm going to do it in pictures , because too often my words fail to capture what I 'm trying to say . There is not necessarily one picture for each month , but rather pictures of my favorite moments of the year . This has been a year focusing mostly on family . It has been a good year , full of story times , small adventures , long call shifts , and family dinners . I expect nothing else from next year . At one point , when I had a lot of time ( seriously , when was that ? ) , when I read a book , I would instantly write a review of it . It allowed me to reflect on my thoughts about the book and share them with others . It has been over a year since I have shared any book reviews . I kept thinking that I would catch up . But I found that months after reading a book , the details , both of the story and of my thoughts , have faded . There as no way to make an single post for each book . So , instead , I will review the books I remember reading in 2011 ( and maybe 2010 as well ) . The Help by Kathryn StockettSet in 1960 Jackson County , Mississippi , this amazing book follows a young white woman who decides to tell the stories of black maids . These amazing women are at first hesitant to share their stories . Stories that have to do with the shame of having to use separate bathrooms , of leaving their own families to work for wealthy white women , of the abuse and death of their loved ones . Slowly , Skeeter , the free - thinking , spirited white girl , gains their trust and their stories . As she does so , she comes to realize that these women see every thing , they know every thing about the families they serve , but they are not granted any respect . How can they raise white children , only to have those children grow up and treat them the same way their parents did ? This book was absolutely amazing , the best book I read all year . I always feel proud of myself for reading books before they were made into movies . This book , I just felt proud to have read . Water For Elephants by Sara GruenReady to start a successful career , Jacob Jankowski suddenly finds himself struck by tragedy . In his desperation to escape , he jumps aboard a train . Chance would have it that is a circus train . Jacob slowly become a member of the circus as the keeper of the animals . However , he also becomes involved in the lives of the circus members themselves . There is brutality , selfishness , and greed , anything necessary to put on a good show . Jacob , the only character who tries to remaPosted by 27 . Read 5 non - work related books . Done . In fact , my goal next year should actually be to limit my non - work related reading . 30 . Start looking at jobs . I 've done a lot of casual talking about jobs . I 'm going to start getting a little more serious about it later this winter . 31 . Try to go visit family in Utah . We did this . The trip was wonderful . The boys ' first time on an airplane was less wonderful . 32 . Visit the farmer 's market 5 times during the summer . Done . This is almost weekly during the summer . I miss the farmer 's market . 38 . Schedule date night with Hubster at least once a month . I need to stop making this a goal . It 's not that Hubster and I don 't like each other and wouldn 't like to have a monthly date . But this is just never going to happen . We went on dates four times this year . When we realized that actually getting out of the house was going to be too much work , we decided to have home dates , where we would get take - out , rent a good movie , and put the kids to bed early . Both of those attempts ended up with me asleep on the couch in less than 20 minutes . I know that we need to make ourselves and our relationship a priority , but this will have to happen outside the constructs of a " date night . " 42 . Look into getting a pet with fur . I think that the boys are starting to break Hubster down . I can see little cracks in his anti - dog resolve . I think we should be ready for a dog in the next five years . 43 . Get a rough draft of my research project . Done . Although I have come to hate the research project with a passion normally reserved for spring snow storms and texting divers . 46 . Study 1 hour a day , 5 days a week for at four weeks in a row . Yes . But I haven 't really done much studying since accomplishing this goal . 48 . Start my blogging project for my boys . Yes , such as seen here and here . I had wanted to do it every month . But nothing is ever going to happen that frequently . 50 . Organize my children 's boxes of art work . Kind of . I moved all the artwork from several small boxes to one big box . I 'm not sure if that is progress or not . 51 . Volunteer for something at my kid 's school . Yes . I volunteered at the school carnival . It was fun and I would love to be more involved . 52 . Get my hair done . I actually did , but it was so long ago that it almost doesn 't count . I am ending the year just as much in need of a haircut as I started it with . This was a busy year . This would have been a busy year even without Project 52 . But Project 52 let me make a list of things I wanted to get out of this year . This was a good year . This would have been a good year even without Project 52 . But Project 52 let me makes dreams for the year and actually see some of those dreams come true . This was a successful year . And yes , it would have been a successful year even without Project 52 . But Project 52 allowed me the chance to make a list , check it off , and celebrate each goal along the way . Thank you , Karen and Jennee for putting this together . I 'm so excited to do this all again next year . ( And I need you to come up with really great lists yourself , because I 'm about 10 items short . ) There is no picture ( at least one that I can take ) that would ever capture the pure magic that was in the air when Bug and Monkey woke us up at 6 am to open presents . They had already pillaged their stockings . In the still pitch black of the early winter morning , they were dancing around our room , attempting to stifle giggles that were spontaneously erupting from both of them . When asked who woke up first , they both shouted , " Me ! " Bug has woken up and scurried down off the top bunk to wake up Monkey , only to discover that he was already awake . I still have no idea what time they work up , since by the time they were not - so - quietly whispering " Merry Christmas " into our sleep heavy ears , all the stocking gifts were opened , played with , and the treats were consumed . There is no picture to capture the undiluted happiness gleaming from their faces , but there are also no good works to capture Christmas day . Even with a picture being worth a 1000 words , I still feel that these barely tell the story . Here are snapshots of " the happiest day of the year . " What the pictures fail to capture is all the laughter , the frantic roaring noises Monkey made as he opened each present , the countless times the boys paused from their gifts to run over to Hubster and me to hug us and say " Merry Christmas . " There are no pictures capturing us eating our fancy Christmas dinner in our pajamas . There are no pictures capturing my expression when Hubster surprised me with this . . . There may not be pictures to perfectly capture the day , but there are wonderful memories tucked away . I hope every one of you had a wonderful day , a day where words and pictures are not enough . Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the entire year . I love it even more than Christmas Day . There is something so magical in the anticipation . The planning and dreaming and waiting are never anticlimactic . During daylight hours , caramel popcorn was made and paper snowflakes were cut ( to make up for the complete lack of snow outside ) . Latkes have been eaten for Christmas Eve dinner . There is only one door left to open on the Advent Calendar . All the carols that I tucked in each box , along with the chocolate , have all learned and sung . Christmas Eve presents have been opened . Christmas stories have been read ( My Penguin Osbert , The Grinch Who Stole Christmas , The Night Before Christmas , The Polar Express , and the New Testament Christmas story ) , while wearing new pajamas . Now , the boys are finally tucked in and asleep ( hopefully with visions of sugar plums ) . The stockings are filled and hanging from the mantle . The presents are all tucked under the tree . Tomorrow is Christmas . I know that it will be wonderful . And it 's the anticipation of how wonderful tomorrow will be that makes me happy . Tomorrow , it will be a loud jumble of boxes and paper and laughter . Tonight , it is quiet , beautiful , and full of wonder . Tonight , it is my favorite time of the year . I think of us as a young family . I still like to think of Hubster and I as very young parents and our boys as very young boys . However , this will be the 10th Christmas Hubster and I have spent as a family . Along the way , we have collected a few traditions . There have also been things that we have done that I thought would be traditions . However , when we moved halfway across the country , or when my busy schedule overtook family like , some things got lost along the way . I 've spent time mourning the traditions that are no longer . But what I 'm starting to realize is that they didn 't matter so much . The things that really mattered are the things that we still do , no matter where we live , or how crowded the schedule . So despite us being a " young " family , ten years is plenty of time to have traditions , the things we " always " do . There has always been an outing to pick a Christmas tree . Yes , it 's taken place at different venues , from small tree lots to national hardware stores to local tree farms . But there is always an outing and there is always a real tree . There has always been It 's A Wonderful Life . I don 't think I 've gone a single Christmas without watching this movie . Last year , I hesitantly watched it with the boys , worrying that they would be put off by the length , the seriousness , or the black - and - white . But they loved it and we are excited to watch it again this year . There are always paper snowflakes . Some of my earliest childhood memories involve making paper snowflakes . Each year , we still cut them out and tape them to the windows and hang them from the ceiling . This year , it may be the only snow we get . There are always cookies with the cookie press . I always feel too busy to make cookies , but without fail , there is time for butter cookies , pressed into wreath and tree and star shapes and covered with sprinkles . There has always been Christmas Eve story time , where we read The Polar Express , The Night Before Christmas , The Grinch Who Stole Christmas , and the Bible Story . I get choked up and cry without fail . There Posted by I had intended on doing a single post on all my goals . However , Karen 's last post made me realize that it would be more manageable to actually divide it up ( just like she did . ) I can not believe that the year is ending . All the things that in January I resolved to do , it 's already time to take account on how I 've done . It has been a whirlwind of a year . And I 'm actually grateful for Project 52 , because there are so many things that I would never have done had I not made this list . I may not have done everything . But I pushed myself , and enjoyed all 52 weeks ! The List : # 1 - 261 . Organize my closets : Umm . . I sure thought about this a lot . But I never actually got around to doing it . Although we did actually get closet doors on Hubster 's closet , so that was an improvement . 2 . Complete 3 home improvement projects . Done : Closet doors , hand rails for the stairs , and painting all the the back door . 3 . Get my passport . No . I filled out all the paperwork , but then found out how expensive it was . However , I 'm interested in doing an international trip with my work next year , so this one has to happen next year . 4 . Plan an awesome 10 year wedding anniversary celebration . If by awesome , you mean Omaha , Nebraska , then YES ! Actually , Hubster and I had a fabulous dinner , then a weekend touring the bridges of Madison County and a trip to Omaha . It was quite fabulous . 5 . Find 3 unfinished projects and finish them . I may have actually made negative ground on this goal , by starting even more projects and not finishing those . I have a problem . 6 . Visit 3 new restaurants . Done by leaps and bounds . Thanks to good friends , I have visited more new restaurants this year than the last 5 year ( probably the last 5 years combined , even . ) 7 . Plan monthly menus . This has been my biggest accomplishment . It has become a huge part of our family . From planning out the schedules , to the new chalkboard menu in the kitchen , where the boys watch me each Sunday write out the menu for the week . It 's been amazing . The other amazing part has been people who tell me Posted by Dear Bug , Sometimes it takes me noticing the gap between the bottom of your pants and your shoes , where your socks are showing plainly , for me to realize how fast you are growing . I could swear those pants fit you just last week . There is going to be a time , coming much too quickly judging by your rapidly shrinking clothes , that you are going to want more time to yourself , more time with friends , and less time with me . So I 'm going to try to remember everything I can from this time now . I want to remember you reading . You lay on your back on the couch , the book held above your head , reading Calvin and Hobbes , giggling loudly to yourself . I want to remember our conversations . For example , doing spelling practice this week : Me : Bug , how did you do on your pre - test ? Bug : I missed one . Me : Great job ! Bug : What ? ! I said I missed one . Me : But they were all new words . Only missing one is good . It 's not like you missed 12 out of 14 . Bug : Yeah . That would be the end of the world . Me : No . No it wouldn 't . The end of the world is worse , like when someone you love dies . Bug : No . Actually , the end of the world is when a huge comet hits the planet . The entire time we are talking , I can 't believe we are having this conversation . How did it get to the point we can have conversations like this , and you make witty remarks ? I want to remember even the slightly painful things : like the fact you won 't hug me in front of your friends anymore . I want to remember how you still sleep with your stuffed tiger , Stripey . Because you are my very own , much better behaved , Calvin and Hobbes . Because a boy still needs his tiger . I want to remember how are proud and protective of your little brother . You are always pointing out cute things he is doing , telling him how great his drawings are , congratulating him on the fantastic block tower he built . You are a good big brother , despite how difficult Monkey can make it for you sometimes . I want to remember how you said you weren 't sure you wanted to go to college , because that means you would have to move away , Posted by Dear Monkey , There are things right now that I 'm sure I would be just fine forgetting . The fact that you have become such a picky eater . That your default mood is whiny . That you still have a hard time sleeping in your bed . But there are so many more things that I want to remember . I keep forgetting to write them down . I know that the memories are slipping through the cracks of the busy schedule faster than I can gather them back up in the quiet of the night . I want to remember how you insist on having a straw with every single thing that you drink . Whether it is your after - school strawberry milk , or breakfast orange juice , or water with dinner , you much have a straw . I want to remember how you tromp after your Daddy to the woodpile in the cold winter evenings . It doesn 't matter how cold it is , or if you are already in your pajamas , if Dad is going to get wood , you are doing with him , stomping over the hard ground in your boots , holding the lantern . I want to remember how much you love animals . Each library trip finds our book bag filled with books about platypuses , armadillos , frogs , insects , chameleons . You say that you are going to grow up and be a zookeeper . I want to remember your wild imagination . After studying the 5 senses at school , you were asked to draw items that you would like to touch and items you would not like to touch . Under your " like to touch " box , you drew " fake insects , nice snakes , and grass . " Under your " don 't want to touch " box , you drew " real insects and poisonous lollipops . " I want to remember all the funny things you say : - While learning state names : " What do they have in New Hamster ? A lot of hamsters or something ? " - Getting ready for bed : " Daddy , I really love you , but I NEED A DRINK ! " I want to remember how you shout playfully that you don 't want me to go to work , hanging on my leg and hollering that you won 't let go and that I can 't leave . I want to remember how you snuggle up to me on couch while we read , lifting my arm up so that you can get even closer . How you ask for a blanket so that wePosted by Current BookJust finished The Book Thief . This book was excellent . Now I 'm finishing up The Maze Runner series . Also , I am determined to get a book review post out before the end of the year , so I can share my thoughts on the books I have read this year . Current AlbumsWaking Up by OneRepublicFuneral by Arcade FireCurrent Shame - Inducing Guilty PleasurePinterest . I am newly obsessed . Because I need another time suck in my life . Current DrinkEggnog . Tis the season . Current Songs " Wagon Wheel " by Old Crow Medicine Show " The Way I Am " by Ingrid MichaelsonCurrent Wish - ListA house keeper and a personal chefCurrent NeedsTwo consecutive days off . It 's coming up this weekend . I 'm so excited . Current TriumphGetting Monkey to sleep in his own bed instead of the floorHaving all my Christmas shopping done and Christmas cards mailed by December 1st . Current Favorite FilmWe just rented Super 8 , and I loved it ! Current TV ShowPerson of InterestChoppedCurrent IndulgenceBlogging . Given everything right now , even 15 minutes of straight computer time feels like a luxury . Current OutfitBreaking out my cozy winter sweaters ! Current Banes of My ExistenceThe state of our bathrooms . They are quite neglected . Current ExcitementChristmas . I 'm crazy excited ! Current MoodVitamin D deficient tired . I need some sunshine . Each year , I have to look back to see what I wrote about the Christmas tree . Because each year , I feel the same way about it , and want to say the same thing . About the old debate about artificial vs real , the way it doesn 't feel like Christmas until the tree is up and decorated . This year , it was just the same . But then again , it wasn 't . This year , instead of driving to the store to pick up a tree , we drove further , along unpaved roads , through rolling countryside that is so American heartland that it leaves me breathless . We drove to a small local tree farm to cut our own tree . The day was misty and wet . We hiked over the muddy ground through the rows of White Pine , Scotch Pine , and Canaan Fir to look for the perfect tree . We ended up walking the rows several times , because the two different trees we liked were on opposite ends of the farm . We finally decided on a bright green , fat Scotch pine . Bug and Monkey took turns sawing through the tree . They shouted , " Timber ! " in absolute delight of the opportunity to do so . Then , with Hubster at one end and me at the other , we carried the tree back up the hill , where the extremely friendly farmer shook out the loose needles and tied it to the top of the car . The boys and I petted bunnies instead of helping . I love that the tree is local Iowa grown . I love that it is freshly chopped . I love that we were helping out local farmers . I even love that it is the pokiest tree and so fat we had to do more furniture arranging than anticipated . Once we were home , the tree was put up in the living room , the boxes of decorations were brought up from the basement , and Christmas music was started . I opened the boxes of gold and silver ornaments and then stood back . This year , I let them decorate by themselves . I hung garland around the house , put up the wreath , but didn 't help with the Christmas tree baubles . I watched the boys be so sweet to each other and so proud of their work . After every box was empty , the boys felt the tree was perfect . I absolutely agreed with them . I added a few flowerPosted by I 'm having a hard time getting in the holiday mood . I 'm not procrastinating anything . In fact , everything is ready for Thanksgiving tomorrow . Christmas cards are done and ( mostly ) addressed . Almost all the Christmas presents are bought . But I feel like I 'm just going through the motions . The days have flown by , so I 'm in denial that it is actually November , let alone nearly the end of November . And since I can barely register the fact that it is the end of fall , it feels that there is no way it can be Thanksgiving tomorrow . I 'm also just to - my - bone - marrow tired . I 've been working some of my longest hours in a long time , working 80 - 90 hours a week for the last several weeks . I 'm also on a night shift currently , which just makes me feel cantankerous . And being on nights means that I work 6 days a week , regardless of holidays . So that means I will be working Thanksgiving day . Actually twice . I get home at 7 : 30 am on Thanksgiving morning , and have to head back to work at 5 : 30 pm . I feel that if I have to hear about everyone 's 4 - 5 day weekend , and about all the family and friends they will be seeing , I might have a meltdown . There will be no holiday weekend . There will be no gathering of extending family and friends . There will just be us and a very tired me . So that 's my little pity party for one . However . . . this does provide us with good opportunities . We are still planning on a full traditional Thanksgiving dinner . Which means for the first time ever , we have to cook a turkey . I am scared to death of this , but Hubster and I are doing this together . Our turkey is currently being brined , and I 'm so excited about it . Tomorrow it will be injected with broth and butter and stuffed with onions and apples . Given my schedule , there won 't be down time after the dinner . But Hubster is planning on bringing our pies to the hospital , so that we can have dessert in the evening , and share it with the other residents that are also away from their families on the holiday . I 'm planning on being over my negativity by the time I wake up this Katherine Ever since I started meal planning back in September , it has become a little bit of an obsession . I 've become compulsive about it ( and there you have it , a diagnosis , just like that . ) I 'm always on the look out for new recipes , keeping an eye open for what 's in season and how I should cook it ( which is really not a lot right now here in the icy , but not just snowy , state of Iowa . ) Our evenings are so much smoother and our diets are so much healthier . The times that we just give up and go for a fast food run have been cut drastically . Since this has become such a big deal , I couldn 't continue just using a little sheet of paper stuck to the side of the fridge . No , this was much more important than that . So much bigger . So , I did what any normal , compulsively planning menu obsessing woman would do . I bough a can of chalkboard paint and painted out a large rectangle on a wall in my kitchen . I love my new chalkboard menu ( although I would like to point out that the walls in our house are textured , not flat . Hubster mentioned this to be just as I was starting to paint and asked if I wanted to sand the wall first . I didn 't . I was in the zone and just ready to do this already . Turns out , he was right . A textured chalkboard isn 't the most ideal writing surface . Another point to Hubster . ) Each week , I write out the week 's menu ( from the scrawled on monthly menu sheet on the side of the fridge - that 's not going away . ) Now , not only is the hard work I spent planning meals for the family nicely displayed , but there is finally something on the blank walls in our kitchen . I personally think it goes with everything else quite nicely . Everyday , the boys run into the kitchen and read out loud the dinner planned for that night . Sometimes the meals are a little nicer , a little fancier . Other weeks , they are not . The trick is still actually getting the boys to eat anything , no matter how pretty the menu is . I am the mother of three boys and the only girl in this family of five . I adore being a parent more than I imagined . Currently , my free time is spent as an anesthesiologist . I 'm usually happy , always tired , and learning to be more laid back . Hubster is my wonderful husband . He is in his last year of dental school . He never fails to impress me with his patience , handy man skills , and ongoing ability to put up with all the craziness in our lives . Bug is our amazing 12 year old . He is creative and smart , and developing an impressive sarcastic side . In addition to his love of reading ( which I like to take credit for ) , he 's also developing an interest in running , coding , and resistance to chores . Monkey is our happy 8 year old . He is loud , laughing , and fearless , marching to the beat of his own drum . He makes friends where ever he goes . He will talk your ear off about Pokemon and Minecraft . His imagination is boundless and his sense of style all his own . At two years of age , Duck is the baby of the family . He 's still cuddly and adorable , but working on developing the perfect tantrum . He adores his big brothers and a good snuggle almost as much as he enjoys chasing the cats . " What I can do is offer myself , wholeheartedly and present , to walk with the people I love through the fear and the mess . That 's all any of us can do . That 's what we 're here for . " ~ Shauna Niequest
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Years ago , I had this great dog named Pooch . I have not always been clever in the naming of my animal companions . In my own defense , I can tell you that he already had the name when I got him from a couple who couldn 't keep him anymore . Like any other dog , Pooch 's ancestry went all the way back to the wolf . I think that 's pretty cool . I haven 't looked too far back on my own family tree for fear of what sort of termites and miscreants I might find . I guess I forgot to mention the cats . My wife and I had sixteen of them . We could not bear to give the kittens away and the females couldn 't bear to say " no , " and we had no money to have them spayed , so we had a lot . By the time the number got up to 24 , I had left , but that 's another story , and it had nothing to do with the cats . " Chronic remorse , as all the moralists are agreed , is a most undesirable sentiment . If you have behaved badly , repent , make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time . On no account brood over your wrongdoing . Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean . " ― Aldous Huxley , Brave New World I found out when my partner decades ago had a miscarriage that it was her second . I was stunned . We were supposed to be on birth - control . Our relationship was falling apart and she thought having a child would keep us together . There were two abortions with two different women . I was not careful , did not use protection . Not something to be proud of , and not a case of pretending the actions were of no consequence . One of the two women , raised in a very religious household , named the dead embryo after the procedure , and often said that " they took my baby . " I went with her to the clinic . The waiting room was full . Several of the women joked that having the procedure done gave them a " vacation " from having to have sex with their men . That turned my stomach . For me , it was a very solemn event . Like an execution without a prior crime . Not a thing to be taken lightly . I became a lot more cynical about humanity that day . And about myself . Around the same time , a woman with whom I had become involved became pregnant . She was married and intended to stay that way . It was the 1970s , and sex was still a playground . No thought for consequences . I try to keep track of him . The last I knew , he had settled in Asheville , North Carolina . I found his house on Google Earth , a little brick bungalow at the corner of two streets in a modest neighborhood . From the satellite photos , I saw toys in the yard , a swing set in the back . I have grandchildren . I have grandchildren . But that would mean telling him that the life he has had for nearly 40 years has been a fiction in part , that the man he called Dad for all those years was not , at least biologically . I know , I am assuming some things , but any other assumptions I make would only be to make myself feel better . I don 't deserve that . Finding Joe 's place was dumb luck , really . Most of my attention had been given to the spectacularly rocky coastline of western Nova Scotia . I spotted the hand - lettered sign on the landward side of the road . It bore a cartoonlike head and the legend " Masque Acadie , " and saw what looked like a hundred or so scarecrows staging a demonstration in a field . " Back in 1984 , my father tried raising a garden here , but the animals , the deer and the rabbits , ate everything up , " said his daughter , Ethel , who had opened a take - out diner and souvenir shop in a converted mobile home at the site of her father 's creation . " So , some neighbors said to my father , why do not you build some scarecrows and keep them away ? So , he had some junk sitting around , so he made three , each about six feet tall . " I poked around the little gift shop , and bought a tiny cup of coffee from her . She handed me the change . Ethel said she and Paul opened the little business two years after the tourists started showing up . She wore a lot of makeup , with her eyebrows outlined carefully , the heavy black lines of the pencil leaving an oblong hollow . Ethel was an expressive speaker , and her eyebrows moved a lot . It was hard not to stare . A couple of cars stopped . The people got out , took a few snapshots , dropped a few coins in the collection box that had a little sign saying the money was for the upkeep of Joe 's scarecrows , and drove away . I thought about buying some scarecrow postcards , but changed my mind . I am very cheap . In front of Ethel 's little take - out was one of those bright - colored windmill things , a propeller to catch breeze attached to a mechanism that made a little wooden silhouette of a woodsman make chopping motions with an ax . The blade kept hitting against the novelty 's frame . A stiff breeze blew in from the shore on the other side of the road . The little lumberjack chopped in a frenzy , a little toy maniac in the wind . Joe wrote an account of the vandalism as though written by Rory as an eyewitness . The piece was published in one of the area newspapers . After it ran , a lot of people gave Joe money and old clothes so he could recreate his scarecrows . Today , there are about 100 . The collection of U . S . president scarecrows looked a little tattered , but then , so does the office . There were scarecrows sawing logs , scarecrows playing fiddles . Most of them , however , stood in the traditional scarecrow pose , legs spread slightly , arms straight out at the sides , heads staring straight ahead or , sometimes tilted back , staring at the heavens . These latter looked as though they were either praying intensely , or asking God , " Why me ? " Somewhere along the way , Ethel said , Joe forgot about the garden . He wasn 't around to ask why he simply kept making scarecrows , even to the exclusion of the garden they were designed to protect . Ethel , her eyebrows arching with pride , said her father 's scarecrows draw 20 , 000 to 30 , 000 tourists a year . But I am not certain . Sure , that 's what keeps Paul and Ethel solvent , but I do not think money was Joe 's first consideration . I looked at the little photo Ethel kept of him , standing out by his workshop . There was a definite impishness in those eyes . I think Joe just kept building scarecrows and putting them out , just to see how many tourists he could lure in . I have a funny feeling he went to his grave bemused at the public 's apparently endless appetite for cute . I climbed into my van . The crazed lumberjack was taking a breather . A woman over among the scarecrows excitedly asked her husband , he of the white patent leather shoes and matching belt , to take a picture of her standing next to Ronald Reagan . I started the engine and left . A guy can only take so much culture in one dose . The church of which these sheep had been the flock had long ago moved to larger and more grandiose quarters a few blocks away . It has since changed its name . The old building is gone . All that remains are the stones , and the whispers of the names they bore . Plainly , this was not the first time it had happened . While many of the broken surfaces shone white and new , as many more were old , weathered . It seems that these dead have been an affront to someone for a very long time . It is hard to imagine why . The victims were all , by now , a thin stratum of darker soil in the surrounding clay and shale . On the stones , most of their names had been eroded by time and weather into vague ciphers . On some , the names were plain , but the dates , those points on the continuum between which the stories of their lives unfolded , were obliterated . Another stone gives a hint of what may have been a wrenching story . Mary , wife of Ludnik , died on Sept . 14 of 1804 . Ludnik , still at her side , died two days later . These are people , I thought as I walked in the perfect autumn day , who lived in the tumult between the birth of the nation and the times that nearly tore it apart . It was a time of high passion , but they and their passions were by now dust and whispers . So why the anger ? Why the fractured markers ? I stopped and looked again over the field of fallen stones , amused at myself . This had nothing to do with the vanished remains , or the people who had once worn the names etched in the marble and shale . Here , I had assumed the culprits had a reason . I had assumed that the spate of vandalism had been the result of something reasoned through , a solution to a problem . I tucked my notebook in my hip pocket and stowed my pen , walking back toward my car . My anger at the vandalism had not abated , but alongside had grown a little understanding , and perhaps a little sympathy . The idea that you do not matter and will not be missed when you go is a painful one , I know . I put down the book I had been reading . I have forgotten the title , but it was about human evolution . The volume lay open on the computer console in front of me . It was one of those rainy days , late in the Georgia summer , when business was slow , and there was time to talk , to do things at an idle pace . We weren 't busy anyway ; several days of rain had turned the Georgia clay into something like pudding . I had sent most of the drivers home . I looked up the price of that particular grade of sand , added the tax and gave him the total . He counted out the exact amount , digging in his bib overalls for the change . He leaned against the door - frame and lit up a cigarette . I was a little more than halfway through my university study , and a little bit more than half arrogant . I knew things . I believed in things that I could see and feel and smell . " Look here , " I said . " You see those pictures there . Those are skulls , real ones . A long time ago there was meat on those skulls , and brains in them . Something or someone lived in there . Do you believe that ? " I stood and picked up the book , excited . Perhaps I was going to make a convert . Perhaps , having stepped into the swampy world of Religion Vs . Science , I may have managed to win an argument . I pointed out to him what little I thought I knew for certain regarding the evolution of human and pre - human anatomy . I talked about progressively larger brain cavities , different jaw structures , flatter faces , flipping pages in the book as I spoke . I felt flushed with power . We are influenced by thousands of unseen forces , my more - or - less educated mind tells me . We are the products of our environment , of our heritage , social and genetic . We create our own Hells . Like anyone else , I want the world to make sense . Things can be explained , dissected , explored , named . Give me a thing I can name and the name will make most of the fear disappear like smoke . But there was a big , hand - lettered sign . The sign said that the township is telling him that no business in the township can have items for sale unless they are screened from view . So , his sign says , nothing you can see there is for sale . Unless , that is , you look at it through a screen . He provides the screen , of course , a square of framed wire mesh that he made himself . Turns out , he was born only about 50 miles from where I live , in Lancaster , Pa . He was married and lived with his family in a white wood frame house adjacent to his workshop and his , well , it 's hard to say what it is . Display area , museum , and storage lot . Prop lot for some very strange stage production . Something like that . The sheep , I had to admit , looked pretty darned real . OK , it looked like a sheep in chain mail , but this is art , right ? The convention / menagerie in Nicholl 's yard includes people of all shapes and sizes , an elephant , giraffe , one whole red and orange dragon perhaps 10 feet tall hatching babies out of propane tank ' eggs , ' parts of several other dragons , a self - portrait of the artist , one squid , one octopus , a pair of tiny dogs made from car springs that I would swear were modeled after a pair of miniature poodles I know , any number of birds , lizards … all made from old gears , snowmobile mufflers ( great for peacocks and pelican bodies , as it happens , ) nuts , bolts , pitchforks , shovels , picks , shears , screwdrivers and chain - link fence . One July day he was welding a small metal frog when his heart failed . He was rushed to the hospital in Damariscotta , but nothing could be done to bring him back . His kids had him cremated and buried his cremains in his sculpture garden , and covered his grave with bouquets of flowers made from gaily - painted flowers fashioned from outdoor spigot handles . Like many artist 's Nate 's life stared back at us from his work . He once had a run - in with the state highway department . They said his stuff was too close to the road . He countered by listing a number of more usual businesses on the same highway who keep their products as close or closer . In honor of the dispute , Nate built a highway department guy leaning on his shovel , a stumpy cigar stuck between his teeth and a woman giving him hell about something . He did sell stuff , though . He picked up a turtle made of railroad spikes , its shell made from old steel nuts welded together . It was about eight inches across . He said he makes them pretty often , because people walk onto his property and offer him a hundred bucks for one . Since Nate 's death , his kids have moved some of the sculptures around . Some of the pieces have been stolen , but they are doing the best they can on a limited budget . They want to maintain Nate 's Recycleart Garden Gallery and the garden for as long as they can . The garden is free and open to the public , and they want to keep it that way . Tom , poor boy , was totally smitten . A passionate creature by nature , he approached matters of the heart with the same verve he used in attacking dogs and small children . Used much of the same technique , too , as I recall . Tensely , he watched Minsky from where he curled on the new bedspread . I watched them both . Minsky was giving an Oscar - grade performance . She lolled . She mewed . She made suggestive remarks . My wife , not happy with what was happening to her new bedspread , started to yowl and beat on me with her Bible . Yowling a little myself , I took the whole sorry bundle out the back door and dumped Tom on the ground . He took off , still smoking , into the garden . Minsky , meanwhile , was still looking for companionship . I picked her up and , resisting the urge to drop - kick her , set her down on the ground . She took off after Tom , whose smoke trail was easy to follow , even in the rain . After a few days , things were back to what passed for normal in our household . There was yet another new bedspread on the brass bed . Minsky was calm and , we learned later , pregnant , papa unknown . Tom , however , was a changed cat . We were polar opposites , and not in the way that made us more interesting to one another . I was a blue - collar hippy , she was a military officer 's kid . I took any kind of job I could get , she always managed to avoid working anywhere . She had become deeply religious suspiciously quickly after we got together , I wavered between the occult , agnosticism , and downright atheism . She wanted kids . I did not . Gramps and I were as inseparable as a boy and his dog could be . We explored the woods and fields in the area where I grew up and were often out till after dark . I had a BB gun and Gramps , and was relatively fearless , except for that time with the Peacock , but that 's ' whole ' nother ' story . Of course , that was silly . He was a young dog , and Gramps was pretty old when he died . But he was identical ; same short glossy black fur , same white blaze on his chest , same quizzical tilt to his head when I talked to him . I told him how much I missed him and stuff like that . He wagged and licked my face and looked into my eyes . When Wes came out from the package store , Gramps II licked my face again and jumped out of the cap and trotted away . He butted his head against mine . He licked my face and beard , wriggling like a puppy . I rubbed his ears and scratched his chest . He made small vocalizations . We were long - lost friends … who had never seen one another before . The group of us chatted with the woman for a while . She lived somewhere on the Maryland coast . I don 't remember much of the conversation ; I was all about Max . I talked the way I would to any other friend . Max mostly spoke through his eyes and body language . I said I would be happy to take him home , and I meant it . Whatever it was between the two of us , between two members of separate species , it was powerful . She tugged the leash . Max looked at me , licked my face . He turned and walked away slowly . My throat tightened . If I had been a child I would have made a scene . I do not know how to explain what happened between Max and me . I am not sure that I really want some cut - and - dried psychological explanation . I had felt a spark of something that bridged a gap that some would say cannot be bridged . I like guns . With a couple of odd and mostly inoperative exceptions , I don 't have any , but I like them . I grew up with guns . I had my first gun , a Daisy Model 25 BB gun when I was 11 . ( If you don 't think a BB gun can be dangerous , talk to any ER physician . ) I got my first grown - up gun at about 14 or 15 , a single - barrel 16 gauge shotgun , and had a number of firearms afterward . Despite what we see on TV and at the cinema , it 's not bloody likely . Witness the mess in Iran , Syria , and Afghanistan . It seems that absolutely everybody in those places is heavily armed . Do those places seem placid and safe ? Take note , NRA . So , guns are OK by me . Idiots and crazy people are something else . Put a gun into the hands of any member of those two classes and bad things can happen , and often do . Cohen was commenting on the recent death of an instructor at just such an establishment who died after a 9 - year - old girl was unable to control an Uzi . The Uzi is a submachine gun that fires about 600 rounds a minute in calibers from . 22 to . 45 . On August 25 , this little girl from New Jersey was on a family adventure and got to fire a real machine gun . The instructor , Charles Vacca , a 39 - year - old combat veteran , took a bullet to the head when the girl lost control of the Uzi . He died . God only knows what psychological injuries the child will have . Some adventure , huh ? There is no way to keep everybody safe . Not in the real world , not even in our own local country , with more than 300 million people bumping into one another every day . Outlawing guns is not going to happen , and it wouldn 't solve the problem anyway . Better control of who can have a firearm is a good idea , but unlikely to be anything but a move to make us feel that at least we 're doing SOMETHING . One is tempted to suggest that we need to improve ourselves as human beings . Personally , I think that is the only thing that will likely make any real difference . But creating better humans is beyond the reach of government . Such a leap requires introspection and genuine regard for one 's fellow humans .
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Today is a gift . I 'm thinking Mother Nature has decided to stop teasing us with winter and has embraced spring . Not a branch moves in the stillness of the morning . The sun is bright and is framed by a blue sky . The birds are singing , and I hear several different songs . My feeders are getting a lot of traffic . It is in the mid 50 's but will get warmer as the day grows older . Tonight will be in the mid 40 's . It is a Cape Cod spring day . This is the time of year when I 'd ride my bike to school . I remember speeding down the hills and feeling chilly from the wind . My jacket would fill with air . The ride was short , probably about ten minutes , all downhill going and uphill returning . It should have been the opposite . The bike rack was old and wooden . It was under branches from the tree in a yard next to the school fence . It was painted a dark green and had layers of paint . You could see them all when the paint chipped . I never had a lock for my bike . I don 't think anyone did . The bikes weren 't fancy . They had the back pedal brakes . Most had wire baskets . The best part of riding my bike was getting home fast and having more time to play in the afternoon . The streets all had sand from winter when the sand trucks would come by and spew their sand on the snow to give cars better traction , but this time of year it was the street cleaning trucks which would come by . They had brushes low to the ground and would sweep the sand to the curbside . A couple of times I skidded in the sand . Sometimes we did what came to be called wheelies . Our bikes would leave circular skid marks . Braking at the right time and place was the key . The day hasn 't started well . I had an early morning meeting and nearly fell out of bed when the alarm went off . On the way to the bathroom I stepped in cat throw up . I have to go out but not for anything fun . I have to some x - rays done of my back . I 've decided I deserve a good lunch , my favorite sandwich and a whoopie pie for dessert . I definitely earned it this morning . Today is lovely with very little humidity and a cooling breeze . I slept in until nearly 10 o ' clock . Last night I was tired so I went to bed early ( for me ) but was still awake at 3 . To pass the time I watched a movie on my iPad , A Foreign Field . I kept thinking I 'd finish it in the morning , but I watched it through to the end . A flicker , a bird I haven 't seen in a long while , and a huge woodpecker were the stars this morning at the bird feeders . The usual complement of birds also dropped by , but they , especially the chickadee , looked tiny compared to the flicker . The red spawn hasn 't been by in a long while . I think it has to do with the spawn having gotten caught a few times inside the wire feeder while the full brunt of the jet spray of the nozzle was directed at it . The spawn just couldn 't escape fast enough to avoid the spray . In Ghana , during my second year , Peace Corps relaxed its rules and allowed us to buy motorcycles . I bought a small motorcycle , a Honda 90 . It was designed for modesty , with no middle bar , perfect for me as I had to wear dresses all the time . I learned the gears and the brake when I bought the moto , as it is called it in Ghana , and then rode it over 100 miles from Tamale to Bolgatanga . It was exhilarating . I loved the road and the wind on my face . The bugs were not so welcome . I learned to be exhilarated without smiling . A few inhaled bugs and a choke or two taught me that lesson . I rode along singing out loud to pass the time . I figure a few villagers told stories later about the crazy baturia ( white woman ) on the moto screeching as she rode . The road home was a good one , paved all the way . It was called the road to Bolga and it went straight there so I never worried about getting lost . The ride was a long one so I stopped to stretch my legs and once I bought a warm coke at a store along the road . Kids from villages beside the road followed a bit and waved . I was even comfortable enough driving by then to wave back . When I got to the school gate , I honked so the gateman would let me in . He smiled a toothless grin and pointed to my bike . I smiled back and nodded . I would love to have another motorcycle , but I dare not given how often I bang my leg or fall up or down stairs . Traffic here goes far too fast and hugging the sides of the road is a recipe for disaster . I 'm liable to hit a giant rock or branch or have something from the sky fall directly on my head , such is my luck . The inside is cooler than outside . I went on the deck earlier and filled the bird feeders , all except the red spawn of Satan 's favorite one . Afterwards I sat outside for a while patting Miss Gracie . It is a lovely morning . My back pain had me groaning loudly enough to wake myself up several times last night , just about every time I moved . My guess is Gracie and Fern never moved and slept through my pain . I 'm tired today so I see a nap on the horizon . June was exciting only because it meant the end of school . Now I could go wherever I wanted and stay as long as I liked . My mother never knew where we were . We left in the morning with our packed lunches and got home in time for supper . I remember going to the next town over , Wakefield , and riding the circumference of the lake . At the end of the lake , the end furthest away from us , was a teepee , the symbol of a gift shop selling Indian doodads . It never occurred to me how strange that was . There were very few Indians , exactly none , in suburban Boston yet I could buy a tom - tom or a hatchet decorated in beads and fringe . Sometimes we 'd leave the lake at that end and ride our bikes to Reading . I remember signs announcing some sort of a military base . Once in a while we 'd even see an army truck or jeep . We 'd ride through Reading Square and sometimes take a detour to the train station and sit on the benches a while hoping for a train . I always thought it was a cheat that the towns on each side of mine had trains , and we didn 't . My town was stuck with buses . We 'd leave Reading and ride the back roads home . We 'd pass a golf course , a cemetery and a big corner store called Fortini 's . Sometimes we 'd ride the swamp path through the woods , the quickest way home , while other times we 'd stay on the road . Snow is still on the deck , but I could get to the bird feeders for the time in months . I am so happy to feed the birds again and will welcome their return . I just hope the red spawn has forgotten about me as it hasn 't been around since the seeds disappeared . Maybe he found better offerings elsewhere . With the snow nearly gone , I have a few outside chores to do . I have a metal holder for string and lint and yarn which hangs from the tree . The birds grab the construction material to help with building their nests . That has to go up yet . The lights on the backyard trees go on and off at weird times because the electricity died for a few hours this winter and I could never get to the timer to reset the clock . That I 'll do today . These are fun chores , spring chores , snowless chores . My father used to make us popcorn . He always used the big pot with the lid . First some oil and a kernel or two were put into the pot . When the kernels popped , my father knew the oil was hot enough for the rest of the popcorn . He 'd put in the rest of the kernels then hold the cover on the pot and then keep moving the pot in a circle on the stove so the bottom kernels wouldn 't burn . We always stayed to watch . It took a while , but then we 're hear the popped corn hitting the cover . More and more popping sounds meant all the corn was popping . When it came down to only a few pops , it was time to take the pot off the stove . Melted butter was always added to the bowl of popcorn then my dad would scoop the buttered popcorn into four bowls , one for each of us , so we wouldn 't fight over the big bowl . The new snow makes the world look pristine , but I don 't care . We only got an inch or less , but it doesn 't matter . I am becoming unhinged . I can see myself running down the street with my arms waving over my head while I 'm yelling a jumble of nonsense , my mind unable to form coherent sentences . The only distinguishable word is snow said over and over . I can 't imagine my mother having four kids stuck in the house . She must have gone crazy . The diversions back then were limited : TV , with shows only in the late afternoon , books and our all time favorite : teasing my sisters . They 'd scream and yell to my mother . My brother and I always feigned innocence . Our favorite was when we 'd point and hold our fingers a few inches from our sister 's face . When she screamed as she always did , I 'd yell , " We 're not even touching her . " My mother , wise to our ways , told us to stop whatever we were doing . My sister has and is continuing to get have snow . She got about 7 inches last night and more will fall over the next two days , up to a total of two feet . This morning she saw a cross - country skier on the sidewalk . The bird feeders are empty . I 'll have to go through the unshoveled snow on the deck to get there , but I will . I don 't want my poor birds wanting . Life is boring right now . I can read only so long , the TV offers little to watch despite the number of channels and I haven 't any reason to be out and about . Maybe I 'll do more cleaning , but the mere mention of that is further proof I am losing my grasp on reality . " Nature has no mercy at all . Nature says , " I 'm going to snow . If you have on a bikini and no snowshoes , that 's tough . I am going to snow anyway . " " Naming hurricanes is a long time tradition , but now we have to name blizzards . Juno is the one we 're braced for now . As for me , I espouse keeping the snow at a distance . Giving it a name seems to personalize it too much . We have been told to prepare for the probability of losing electricity . The last time that happened during a snow storm my house got down to 37 ˚ . I can 't think of many more ways to prepare . I have food which doesn 't need to be cooked , and when Gracie and I do a couple of errands , I 'm going to add tomatoes and avocados to the larder . Everything is charged though the charges won 't last all that long . I have a lantern but I need a few more batteries . Burning wood to keep warm is almost futile as most of the heat goes right up the chimney though I love the look of a good fire . My father always called a strong and long - lasting flame a Hollywood fire . I still do . The snow won 't start until late this afternoon , and by then we 'll be home , warm for the meantime and the bird feeders will have been filled , my only other chore for the day . I 'll turn up the heat to warm the house as much as I can . It will be tropical for just a bit . When I was a kid , snow like this was perfect to build forts and caves . The forts had protective walls to keep the snowballs at bay . The caves had rooms , but we used to have to crawl in and out the door . We 'd bring something to sit on between us and the snow , and we 'd pretend the cave was a house of sorts . I remember bringing my sandwich and having lunch in the dining room of our cave . The best cave we ever made was huge . It was built in the pile left by the plows . We used water to ice the ceiling and walls so they 'd be firm and last a long time . Eventually snow melts , but parts of my cave lasted until almost spring . It was the only snow left . I 'm running late . I changed my bed , showered , shopped a bit on line and watched CNN . There was no urgency in getting things done . In due time I thought . The tree is still in the stand , bare of Christmas and sitting in the middle of the living room . I tried to get it out of the stand myself , but I couldn 't . It is the only glimmer of Christmas left , and later today it will be gone . My outside lights continue to be lit each night . I am loath to return to darkness . It was so cold yesterday I brought the bird feeders into the house to fill them . My sister thought it strange and said I should have bundled up and done it outside . I fear the cold has warped her thinking . There I 'd be out on the deck layered and wearing mittens and fumbling to get the seed into the feeders . Getting dressed to go outside would have taken longer than the task . Today is sunny , but the light is muted , even chilly looking . I am not going out . This will be the second day in a row of my self - imposed exile from the world . I have all of life 's essentials : books , TV and Christmas cookies . Last night I cooked chicken . I rifled through my herbs and spices and found one I hadn 't used , Caribbean Calypso Spice . It came from Penzey 's Spices , an occasion of sin for me . I 'm sure a few of you are shaking your heads and wondering what in heck is an occasion of sin . I 've known since childhood as the nuns were diligent in teaching us to avoid an occasion of sin , " Any person , place , or thing that of its nature or because of human frailty can lead one to do wrong , thereby committing sin . " When I was younger , the list was long . Now that I 'm older , I don 't even think I have a list . I live life with abandonment and am better for it . I am wearing my new sweatshirt . It says Doctor Who and has a picture of the TARDIS . I am also wearing new slippers . I am warm and comfortable . I just ate a couple of cookies . I 'm thinking this is a bit like paradise . This blog is strictly non - profit , and intended for artistic and educational purposes only . MP3 's are up for a limited amount of time and serve the purpose of letting y ' all having a taste of what I think is great music . To quote the mighty Captain Beefheart : if you got ears , you gotta listen .
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I 'm a Libertarian living in Humboldt County , CA . I 've lived here in Eureka since 1973 and joined the Libertarian Party in 1992 . This blog will mostly focus on local political issues , but I may stray into state and national issues as well , when I can 't help myself . Please post your comments by clicking on the " comments " link at the bottom of each post . Although I do moderate comments , you need not be a registered user to post them . Libertarian Party presidential candidate , Gary Johnson , picks up another endorsement . This time from the Chicago Tribune . This comes as a surprise if only because , being from authoritarian Chicago , I would think they 'd be big on Clinton . Earth Sky News tells us the Rosetta spacecraft is poised to land on comet 67P / Churyumov - Gerasimenko on September 30 . It 's not really clear from the web page if we can watch , but it reads as if cameras will be on during its descent and landing on the comet . No instructions for viewing except for ; " On September 30 , there will be a short transmission confirming Rosetta 's impact on the comet . It will be streamed via the three links just above . " The Detroit News has officially endorsed Gary Johnson for president . That makes his fourth newspaper endorsement if I 'm remembering it right , although I can 't remember the names of the other three papers that endorsed him previously . Someone pointed out after the last endorsement that gives Johnson more endorsements than the Clumps , although there 's no doubt in my mind Clinton will pick up a bunch pretty soon with most newspapers joined at the hip with the Democrats . More specifically , pointing to the Gore / Bush election to show how voting third party can lead to war . I 'm glad Reason staff recall Gore 's warlike history , which isn 't unlike Clinton 's . He voted to invade Iraq and has a history of threatening Iraq : ask for a resolution demanding " prompt , unconditional compliance by Iraq within a definite period of time . " And if the Security Council failed ? " Other choices " - Gore meant force - " remain open . " After all , " Iraq 's search for weapons of mass destruction has proven impossible to completely deter , and we should assume that it will continue for as long I 've always wondered about such theories in general and felt current dialogue makes them more believable . For instance , if it was true that 9 / 11 was an actual conspiracy - and I mean for real - what would we be hearing now ? Exactly what we 're already hearing : " No way they could pull that off " , " it would have taken thousands of people to do that . Someone would say something " , and so on . I guess we 'll never know for sure since even if it was true , we 'd be hearing the same things . posted by Fred Mangels @ 2 : 02 PM 0 comments Fascinating ideas from Elon Musk who wants to start a human colony on Mars . He thinks to make it self sustaining could take up to 100 years . He thinks big , though . The spacecraft he 's planning to use could carry 100 people or more . It 's believed the first flight to Mars could take place in 2022 . That leaves me out as I might be dead by then , but I wouldn 't likely go even if I could . Seems kinda scary and there 's a lot of questions I have that are unanswered . Neat stuff , though . I hope I 'm alive to watch it on TV . posted by Fred Mangels @ 1 : 38 PM 0 comments In one of the Sacramento Bee 's more clear headed opinion pieces , they attack Donald Trump 's support and advocacy for New York 's Stop and Frisk policies . They 're spot on and go on to look at police transparency and other " law and order " issues in the Sacramento area . You can be sure this was intended to be blatantly anti - Trump . They wouldn 't have written something like this about Clinton but , when you 're right you 're right : The inlaws across the street have one of these signs in their yard . I haven 't had the chance but want to ask my brother - in - law - a self described conservative , what his - the conservative - argument against Measure P is . I 'm voting No on P and will post my reasons here soon . Can anyone give me the gist of the arguments local conservatives have against the measure ? I 'm mostly wondering what sort of argument we 'll be hearing when this gets on the ballot . Feel free to post them as comments . Keep in mind you can make comments anonymously . posted by Fred Mangels @ 9 : 27 AM 3 comments I was out of the room last night but returned to have Connie mention some ad she saw on TV . She said you could get television service for $ 25 . 00 if you signed up for Sling TV . Sounded great to me . I don 't have a problem with Suddenlink except for the monthy price - a bit pricey for us at almost $ 80 . 00 . Turns out this Sling TV is just one of those internet stream things and it looks like you might need a Roku box , or something to make it work . They said you needed to install their app on your " device " . So what device ? I assumed that meant our TV and I had no idea how to do that . Then it looked as if I might have to get one of their boxes - they had a Roku box , I think , featured on their web page . I 'd entered my credit card info to get the free trial , then got a bit uncomfortable as I didn 't know how to go further to set up the free trial . I also couldn 't see anywhere on the web site to cancel the trial even though the site said you could cancel at anytime . I finally called their 1 - 800 number and the lady on the other end said I could cancel by signing back into the site and there would be a link for cancelling . I did that , found it and cancelled . Whew ! Close one . It didn 't look like that bad a deal to me . The $ 25 . 00 plan had a bunch of channels with one plan for $ 40 . 00 that included all their channels . The deal breaker for me was I didn 't see MeTV or BBC among their choices . Connie didn 't seem to care and she 's the big TV watcher so I figured we 'd go ahead and try it anyway . No , I didn 't watch the Clump debate that everyone else watched last night . That would have been beneath me . It turned out to be a good decision as I got to watch two episodes of Star Trek - The Next Generation I hadn 't seen before . What a treat ! I did want to check this morning and see what various observers thought of the goings on - hopefully some objective viewpoints and not those of partisans who already favored one Clump over the other . I figured a libertarian viewpoint might be the most best as we generally consider ourselves above the Republican vs . Democrat fray . I wasn 't disappointed , although it took me some time to find a debate review by Stephen Cox over at Liberty magazine . He called the debate a draw : " I 'll agree with Charles Krauthammer 's instant analysis and call the thing a draw , although I 'm not quite sure what I mean by that . " I 'll take his word for it . posted by Fred Mangels @ 8 : 32 AM 5 comments For those unfamiliar with the Elk 's Lodge , it 's out on Herrick Avenue on the edge of Pine Hill . Drive south on F street through the Eureka Muni Golf Course . As you climb the hill leaving the golf course , Elk 's Lodge is at the top of the hill to the right . posted by Fred Mangels @ 7 : 41 AM 4 comments The Sacramento Bee reports on a new law just signed by Governor Brown . This law allows people who find a dog suffering in a car that 's too hot to break the windows to free the dog without facing civil or criminal penalties . I actually support the law but wasn 't aware this was an issue . I assumed that , due to exigency ( emergency circumstances ) , anyone would be able to help a dog suffering from being left in a car that became overheated . And some people don 't really care much about their dogs . I recall some time ago a neighbor walking her dog across the street . One of the gals that worked at the group home across the street had just parked her car in front of that house and went to go inside leaving her dog inside the car with the windows rolled up . My neighbor walked by the car and mentioned to the girl it wasn 't safe to lock her dog in the car like that . The girl replied , " Don 't tell me how to treat my f * * * * * * g dog " , My neighbor just walked off . The dog stayed in the car . Right before I moved up here I was living in Costa Mesa , CA . A guy was staying at our house with us . I forget his name but he had a beautiful Alaskan Malemute he named Chad . I had a husky dog , too , but nowhere near the size of Chad . I took both dogs with me to the beach one day . For whatever reason I took my dog , Nika , with me down to the beach but left Chad in the car with the windows rolled up . It never occurred to me what might go wrong with that . When I came back to the car , Chad had torn all the rubber seals out from around the windows . I couldn 't figure out why , aside from thinking maybe he just wanted to go down to the beach with us so was trying to get out of the car . And this was in June in southern California . I wasn 't made aware , and had never considered , the heat build up in a car until fairly recently when news items and TV commercials pointed it out . That incident with Chad is one that haunts me to this day as I could have killed him . This new law might help others avoid the same situation I put myself in back then . There 's much more awareness now of the danger of overheated cars to pets and kids , but some people just don 't care . posted by Fred Mangels @ 10 : 03 AM 5 comments Some pictures of unique tiny home ideas here . Probably too expensive for use with Eureka 's homeless problem , but neat nonetheless . I do think that one on a rock in the middle of a large river is probably a bad idea . At least its location . This reminded me of something my brother in law 's grandparents built in their back yard on Glatt Street in Eureka . They had a mother - in - law unit of sorts just outside their back door made of those sheet metal storage sheds you can buy at Sears . It was actually two adjoining rooms with one being a storage room and the other made for living , with most of the amenities as I recall . Really cute and I thought it would be a fun place to be in the rain with the aluminum roof . Not insulated at all so probably real cold in the winter . That idea is probably too expensive , too . I bought one of those sheds back in the ' 80s to use for storage at my place when I lived in Myrtletown . I recall it seeming pricey at the time but sitll less expensive than building a shed from wood . Not sure I 'd recommend building one as construction required screwing in more screws at one time than I ever had before in my life , but that was before powered screwdrivers were commonplace . The Times - Standard reports on Clinton 's Vice Presidential Tim Kaine telling us we 'd best keep our presidential choices limited to the major party candidates . That should come as no surprise . I 'll agree with Kaine that we might not have suffered through the biggest foreign relations gaffe in perhaps our lifetimes - the invasion of Iraq - had Al Gore won , but there 's no way to say that for sure . Then , over at the Sacramento Bee , Dan Walters looks at our U . S . Senate race , making it seem as if the only two candidates in that race are Kamala Harris and Loretta Sanchez . I suppose I shouldn 't be surprised that he makes no mention of Libertarian Party candidate Gail Lightfoot who is also in that race . I had to point out in the comments to that story that , with so - called independents being the fast growing voter segment in the state , a third party candidate might be able to shake that race up a little . But , no , I " m sure Dan likes the horse race aspect of a two party race . Hey , I 'm used to it , having been pretty much a third party voter since ' 92 . It is frustrating being ignored and always losing but that goes with the territory . What I 'm curious about is everyone else . Do all of you like being told your choices are whoever the powers that be say they are ? If there were actually only two choices in this race , I 'd likely not vote at all as I 've done before . Maybe it 's just my nature , but that sort of attitude would just piss me off . I don 't like being told what to do or having my options limited . I realize most others aren 't that way but if someone told me I had to vote for either Clinton or Trump and that was it , it woud piss me off enough I 'd take the third choice . And , as I 've written here and elsewhere , this is the perfect time to vote third party with two horrific candidates being forced upon you . The Washington Post chats with Professor Allan Lichtman who has correctly predicted presidential election outcomes for the past 30 years . He has a system based on what he calls Keys . This year the Keys give Trump the edge , although he admits Trump is such a wild card he may throw his system off . I can 't help but like this guy , Democrat though he may be . He 's voting for Trump as he sees Trump as the peace candidate . He goes on to write about the past with much mention of the Kennedys . Kennedy used to be a dirty word to me . Maybe not so much anymore after what he wrote about them . Lengthy , but I thought a good , inspiring read . " Creating a credit system that encourages inmates to take advantage of evidence - based rehabilitation programs is a good thing . California 's prisons are focused too much on correction and not rehabilitation . But where Proposition 57 goes astray is in the details - such as its failure to make clear what nonviolent felonies qualify for the program . " The Sacramento Bee reports the California Association of Police Chiefs has come out opposing Prop 63 . That 's Gavin Newsom 's gun control initiative . Good for them , but not too much of a surprise to me as police I 've known aren 't generally big on gun control . This doesn 't mean the police chiefs have become advocates of civil rights . It could be a one - time thing . The same article also reports those same police chiefs oppose the Adult Use of Marijuana Act . Then again , some pot use advocates oppose AUMA . Whad ' ya do ? posted by Fred Mangels @ 9 : 54 AM 1 comments As I wrote earlier , I recently " enlisted " in the Veteran 's Administration 's health care system , or whatever it 's called . Tuesday we made our first trip to their San Francisco medical facility . I was told I kinda had to in order to be officially processed into the system . Since we also had a pending appointment at the UCSF medical center , we tried to coordinate the two appointments . That was easier said than done , although the V . A . clinic was easier to contact . Easy to contact but they 're pretty well booked up , too , so good luck getting the ideal time and day to match the two appointments . The V . A . center is about two miles from UCSF as it turned out . Last time we were in San Francisco we drove by it in order to get an idea of where we 'd be going . Monday night , while at the Villa Inn , we looked at the appointment cards they 'd sent us and noticed slightly different directions to the V . A . than we 'd taken the first time . We decided to try their instructions . The V . A . 's instructions worked better . The center is on Clement Street , which is what we drove down the first time , but going one street further down to Stanyan is a lot less hassle - less stop and go , so quicker . We had a 10am appointment , but they recommended getting there a half hour early , which we try to do anyway , especially it being somewhere we 'd never been before . We made it in plenty of time . In fact , maybe a bit too early . A bit confusing at first , but we found a parking spot - free parking , unlike UCSF , although it doesn 't look as if they have the capacity for cars UCSF does . We went inside the building and had to ask passersby where we needed to go . Friendly people pointed us in the right direction . I liked this place better than UCSF already . Going to the first floor to check in , the clerk was helpful and the waiting room not very full . The clerk even laughed a bit with us . That 's not something you see often at UCSF . She had me fill out a form I gave back to her when completed . Then I had to try out the I . D . kiosk I 'd been told about . That 's how you officially show you were there so they can mail you your travel money . It 's like a big ATM . I was a bit confused at first with what option to pick but I picked one , ran my V . A . ID card through the slot and finished the process fairly quickly . Or did I ? There wasn 't any " Thank You " or other indication I 'd done it correctly . The screen just went back to the starting page . I told the wife I wasn 't sure if it worked . She suggested trying it again to see what happens . Maybe it would tell me I already checked in if I 'd done it right the first time ? We went on to our first appointment , planning on dealing with the check - in kiosk before leaving . We sat in the waiting room and I was quickly called to a small room where they took my blood pressure and other vital stats . Then we were called to another room where a pretty gal - a nurse practitioner - greeted us . She took us into an office for an interview and even gave me a cursory exam . She was also fun to speak with as she had a sense of humor . Again , not something you find often at UCSF . Who ' da thunk humor at a V . A . facility ? The nurse practitioner did order a prescription for me , though , so we went in search of the pharmacy . We found it and I was impressed with their system . you take a number and wait , except I just picked my number when they called it . I went to the counter and they told me it would take about 20 more minutes for my prescription to be ready . The gal pointed to a digital screen on the waiting room wall with a list of names . Those screens seemed to be in just about every room we passed by . When your prescription was ready your name would show up on the screen . Rite Aid pharmacy could take a hint from their system . Time for lunch so we had to find the cafeteria . We followed some signs and eventually found it . Crowded , but not too bad . You order you meal at a counter much like a Subway sandwich shop . Yell it to the cook . They had a bunch of stuff , with much of the usual : hamburgers , french fries , salads and such . I just ordered some french fries . I ordered a vegie burger for the wife and the cook said something about no vegie burgers available . Something about substituting black beans instead . I couldn 't really hear him over the din so just nodded my head . After five minutes or so we had our meals and went to find a seat in the dining room . It was packed but we found one spot not far from the big picture windows that overlook the ocean and beach outside . I mentioned to the wife the next day that at least the UCSF food court wasn 't so crowded . She pointed out it might well be as crowded if it was lunchtime . Good point . We got done with lunch and left , fumbling our way to the exit . I was so mixed up I wasn 't even sure which direction the parking lots were once we got outside . But it all came together . We found our car and drove back to the Villa Inn . I much prefer that place to UCSF for the ambiance if nothing else . One thing that kind of disturbed me was when the nurse practitioner was interviewing us . She kept referring to us switching my care to the V . A . That wasn 't what I had in mind , at least to start with . I just wanted the V . A . as an alternate or back up . I tried to explain that to her but she didn 't seem to get it . Oh , well , If I do end up switching care to the V . A . center , I could probably do worse . Easier to get to and friendlier people . posted by Fred Mangels @ 8 : 33 AM 8 comments I 've been out of town the last few days but was disappointed to read , either in the Lost Coast Outpost or somewhere else , that the Eureka City Council ignored the advice I gave here previously about staying out of that oil pipeline fray in the Dakotas . But , nope , from what I 'm reading they voted to send a letter in opposition to that pipeline . To whom , it 's not clear . As I wrote then , this isn 't a city issue and they should stick to city issues . How would they feel if other cities wrote letters to whomever objecting to our desire to improve our harbor capabilities ? We don 't need an " activist " council meddling in other city and state affairs unless it directly affects the City of Eureka . This sort of thing makes me wonder why so called progressives complain about the current city council . Looks to me as if they 're pretty progressive already . The Humboldt Consequential has stronger words on this so I 'll let his rant suffice . He wrote in part : bullshit . Maybe they should start a Facebook petition , too ? Then they can go back to doing nothing while feeling even better about how socially progressive and groovy they are . " I put that last one in quotes because it 's a paraphrase of what a neighbor told me during a presidential campaign of some years ago . He said something along the line of " I want someone so tough that nobody will even think of messing with us " . Probably a fairly common sentiment among Americans , never considering that also increases the chance and opportunity to attack other countries or , more likely , they don 't care . Trevor Timm , Executive Director of the Freedom of the Press Foundation says , " Ed Snowden is possibly the most influential whistle blower of our time " . He elaborates in an eight minute video over at Reason that I can 't really bother with since I lost the sound on this computer . Grrrr . . . ! ! ! Just something fun that came to mind when we 're staying at motels in the Bay Area . John Chiv 's recent post about slow traffic reminded me of it : We usually wake up and turn on the TV to watch the Bay Area commute coverage . Station KRON has a news helicopter showing traffic on the freeway and lately they have coded digital maps of the freeways showing which ones are backed up and which ones are free flowing . Why can 't we have something like that up here ? I realize KIEM - TV can 't afford a helicopter , but maybe the Coast Guard would allow them to ride along and film the freeways ? The safety corridor between Eureka and Arcata has traffic running smooth except for a slow down at the Ryan Slough bridge as you enter Eureka from the north . Looks like a small traffic accident just to the south of the bridge . Commuters may want to take the Indianola or Bayside cutoffs to avoid that tie - up . Back to you at the station , Dave . . . Wouldn 't that be fun to watch each morning ? It would give KIEM - TV more viewers and put them on par with he Bay Area stations . posted by Fred Mangels @ 11 : 58 AM 7 comments The Times Standard reports on the goings on at a recent Eureka City Council meeting . I happened to watch most of that meeting - or at least the part dealing with pot - on Access Humboldt TV last night . I found it interesting with City Planning Director , Rob Holmlund , presenting all sorts of facts and figures involving the marijuana industry . I was surprised at Holmlund 's apparent strong support for allowing the " cannabis industry " to legally operate in Eureka . Most politicians and bureaucrats are afraid to support policies outside the norm for fear of something going wrong . Then they take the blame , or so they fear . With the info Holmlund provided the city council shouldn 't be too afraid to move forward with letting the pot businesses open and operate within the city . In other matters , the city is expected to sign a letter in opposition to that Dakota Access pipeline which has been in the news of late . I personally think that shouldn 't be within the purview of the Eureka City Council . That 's the other state 's business , not ours , and you have to wonder how the council would feel if another city in the country raised objections to our plans to develop Humboldt Harbor ? Then they 'll consider the plastic bag ban . I 'd like them to oppose that , but won 't hold my breath as it takes genuine free - thinkers to resist hysterical environmentalists . They 'll likely go along with the ban if only to be seen as environmentally concious . I urge them not to , although it 's a state law and probably not something they have a lot of say in . No mention is made of the fact that plastic bag drop offs are already available at most larger stores . I drop mine off at the Henderson Center Rite Aid . The bins are also available at Winco and all other grocery stores of a certain size . It 's not as if there 's a major problem for residents to properly dispose of plastic bags as it is , but leave it to local media - and perhaps the city council - to suggest there is . posted by Fred Mangels @ 8 : 03 AM 2 comments I 'm assuming his main motivation is Gary Johnson being excluded from the national presidential debates . If so , and if he can generate skepticism and distrust of our electoral system , more power to him . I hope the movie is a success . I just hope I can get the sound back on this computer so I can watch it online . posted by Fred Mangels @ 8 : 04 AM 11 comments Which isn 't to disparage the LoWV . I 've been impressed with the way they handle candidate forums up here . They 're even handed and allow all candidates to participate , regardless of party . Yet I 'm surprised at their spunk in this instance . I would have expected them to go along to get along . Good for them . Boycott the debates as some have suggested ? I 'm not sure that would have much effect as the CPB won 't know who is or isn 't watching . I 'll likely not be watching them anyway . I wouldn 't expect to hear Clump say anything they haven 't said already . You can see the League 's full press release here . Rather strongly worded . Again , I would have expected them to go along to get along . posted by Fred Mangels @ 1 : 58 PM 5 comments Here 's the ACLU 's Pardon Ed Snowden page where you can add your name to the cause . I think he did a great service to the country exposing the mass surveillance and all . I also fail to see where he harmed the country as some have claimed . If anything , all he did was embarrass the government , which I naturally see as a good thing . This just in today from the " Hello MD " e - mail list . Hello MD seems to be run , or at least contributed to , by doctors sympathetic to medical uses of marijuana . Today 's e - mail deals with differences between marinol and actual marijuana . It caught my attention because I had occasion to use Marinol last time I was in the hospital at UCSF . It seemed like pulling teeth to get some . I 'd asked my doctor 's nurse using an online form if they could provide me a medical marijuana card . She said they could , and implied one would be forthcoming . That was it . When I got to UCSF I brought it up with some other doctors and they suggested talking to my doctor as " he 's all into that " . Turned out that wasn 't true . It seems most down there point their fingers to someone else to hit up for 215 cards and then scurry away not wanting to take the responsibility themselves . So one evening they came in to give medications and mine included a marinol capsule . I have no idea who authorized it as most doctors I brought up the subject with seemed to ignore the issue . So I took it and after a while dozed off . I woke up some time later and felt that giddy feeling I hadn 't felt since the ' 80s . I felt like giggling and wondered what was going on . Then I remembered the marinol and realized that 's what I was feeling . It wasn 't real strong , though , and I realized if I 'd smoked some pot it would have been much stronger , but I still felt good . One thing I noticed right away and mentioned to doctors later is it did seem to put a damper on my anxiety . I 'd been somewhat upset being in the hospital with no apparent end in sight . The marinol made me not really care about that anymore . For that reason alone it was worth it . Another thing I noticed is I started feeling even sleepier than I normally would have been at that time . Then I remembered that was one thing I didn 't like about smoking pot : it made me sleepy . I told myself then , and the nurses every morning they 'd offer me some with my medications , I didn 't want to take it in the morning as it would probably make me sleepy all day . I told them that time and again yet they 'd always offer me it each morning apparently not remembering what I 'd told them the day before . In fairness to them , I suppose they still felt like giving me the choice . I can 't fault them for that . So marinol worked for me but smoking or eating pot would have worked better I 'm sure . As that WebMD piece points out : " If patients were legally allowed to use marijuana , relatively few would choose Marinol . " . From my own experience , I fully agree . After I 'd gotten out of the hospital , I went back to see my doctor and broached the subject of a 215 card for medical marijuana . Turned out he " wasn 't all about that " as one of the other doctors had said . Anything but . In fact , he got a bit surly with the subject brought up and seemed to want to ignore it . That kinda pissed me off and I figured he was just like the rest down there , joined at the hip with the pharma companies . Either that or , when push comes to shove and they have to sign something , they lose whatever enthusiasm they had for medical pot to begin with . I dropped the subject . MeTV has some info Dawn Wells fans might enjoy . Wells played islander Mary Ann on Gilligan 's Island . I 'm not sure if you need a Facebook account to see the page , but there 's also a link to an audio interview with Gilbert Godfried . I can 't listen to that one since I lost the sound on this computer a while back . They 're probably right . I 've subscribed to their e - mail list for some time and enjoy it . I just have to read about the best workout for my abs , never mind their obligatory How To Really Please That Woman stories they always include ( I know , Johnny Maniac . Not for you ) . Today 's tip is why a certain pick up line never works . Not sure I 'll bother with that one . Then again , if I get bored . . . who knows ? If I have any complaint with Men 's Health is they seem to write a lot without really making a point , althought the article on Johnson seems brief and to the point . That , and they have those damned things on the sides and top of the window that pop out and get in your way when you 're trying to read . Earth / Sky News tells us there will be a supermoon this Friday so keep your eyes on the sky . Two problems arise , though : First , experts can 't seem to agree on the definition of a supermoon . Second : It will likely be overcast and cloudy here anyway , so we might not get a good look at it . As best I can figure from the article , the moon will be really big , although they don 't actually say that . I 'll be watching anyway . posted by Fred Mangels @ 7 : 27 AM 2 comments A big paper out of Richmond , Virginia that also endorsed Johnson the other day . I wouldn 't be surprised if there 's more to come . posted by Fred Mangels @ 3 : 46 PM 3 comments Ken Anton , the Libertarian Party candidate for our state assembly district stopped by my house a little while ago and dropped off some of his yard signs . I have five in all and will use one in my yard . The rest are up for grabs so long as you promise to use it and aren 't just ripping me off . E - mailing me privately is probably the best way to contact me without embarrassing yourself . Many of you might have seen the online ads for Harry 's . They claim to make superior razors , solving all the problems guys have complained about over the years . You can see their list of 6 issues they claim to have fixed here . I 'm not sure any of them have really been resolved . I actually fell for their ads , although I signed up mostly out of curiosity . I don 't think they solved anything , even my main complaint : I don 't see the point in seeing how many blades one can fit on a razor . When I first saw their ad , for some reason their razor looked like it just had one blade . I wanted to support them for that reason alone so I ordered one . It is kinda nice how they send you new blades without having to order them . At first , I thought it was a freebie . Nope . Checking my credit card account I see they were charging me for them . I don 't remember the exact cost or how it compared to Rite Aid brand , but I was being charged , and they sent them more often than needed . I finally e - mailed them and they stopped shipping them and billing me . So there 's not much to say other than I don 't really see Harry 's razors as any sort of innovation . Give one a try , if curious , but be sure and keep an eye on your credit card account and cancel if not interested in continuing . posted by Fred Mangels @ 12 : 46 PM 3 comments Antiwar . com has a story on doubts in some circles about accusations of chemical weapons attacks in Syria . A relief to me since some years ago when western media were playing up those same accusations , I seemed the lone voice in the wilderness saying it was unlikely as Syria 's president Assad would have nothing to gain by doing so . Funny thing is , I was beginning to think there might be some truth to these recent allegations , until now . What I wrote back then : " It would make no sense for Assad to use chemical weapons knowing the west is biting at the bit for an excuse to attack him . He 'd have nothing to gain and everything to lose . Not so the rebels , who would have everything to gain and nothing to lose by staging a chemical attack . More from the article : " Yet , the evidence from at least one of the incidents examined by the U . N . team suggests that an attack on Al - Tamanah on the night of April 29 - 30 , 2014 , might well have been staged by rebels and then played up by The Sacramento Bee 's Dan Walters writes today about California 's public employee pension debt being higher than many claim . Some claim the debt could go as high as 1 trillion dollars . Maybe even higher , depending on how it 's handled : Queen of Humboldt bloggers , Kym Kemp , has a great read over at her place regarding Sex Trafficking and Abuse in the Marijuana Industry . Kind of an insider look at the seasonal workers in the marijuana industry and the Southern Humboldt culture . I 've always wondered what Petrolia looked like and she provided a picture . A great read , but took a while to finish . Hat tip to Eric Kirk for the link . I had to ask why they 're bothering to put the fire out ? After all it can 't likely cross the water and threaten homes on the mainland . Someone mentioned some homeless living on the island , although how they might have made their way there I have no idea . If that 's the case , why not just remove those people and take them back after the fire burns itself out . Another comment asked me ; " Why NOT put the fire out ? We have the resources " . Yep , we obviously do , but those resources are very expensive . Helicopters , in particular , cost a lot to operate . I say let the fire burn itself out . I 'm apparently the odd man out again as that doesn 't seem to be the common line of thinking nowadays . posted by Fred Mangels @ 9 : 25 AM 2 comments It does get awkward , though , when you end up in such situations unexpectedly . I recall the last time , although I can 't remember what the exact occasion was . All of the sudden we 're asked to stand for the pledge of allegiance . I stood , but didn 't recite the pledge while the fellow next to me , a friend , dutifully recited it out loud . I could hear him as I stood there silently and had to wonder why an adult would play that game ? He seemed so serious about it . posted by Fred Mangels @ 9 : 09 AM 7 comments Just in the news is a gal who went into an Albertson 's market in Louisiana and asked to have a birthday cake with " Trump 2016 " written on it . The baker behind the counter wouldn 't do it . Should government have forced her to ? I went in there yesterday to pick up a prescription . My legs were really tired and there was only one guy at the counter picking up something so I took advantage of the chairs they had nearby . As soon as I took a seat some lady came up and stood in what was supposed to be the line . She had a couple of boxes of benadryl in hand . Within a minute another girl had arrived and gotten in line . The first one turned , looked at me and asked " Are you in this line " . I replied " kinda , but I see you 're a fellow benadryl user so go ahead and I 'll just sit here . " . She explained the benadryl she had was for mosquito bites . She abrubtly turned and left the line after that . I got up and took care of my business , telling myself not to use those chairs again . Maybe that pharmacy should have numbers where you pick one and they serve you based on their number ? That 's not so bad , though . I 've seen people jump to the front of the line at the regular checkouts there a number of times . The checkout lines are usually a ways back from the actual checkout counter . Then some airhead comes in , sees a momentarily empty checkout and walks straight up to it , not realizing there 's a line of people waiting . I write that off as just more stupid people unaware of their surroundings . There 's a lot like that up here and Rite Aid gets more than its fair share . " Vilifying pharmaceutical companies may be good election - year politics , but the EpiPen saga merely illustrates old fashioned rent seeking and aggressive marketing . These strategies can work in the short run . Eventually , however , they are destined to be defeated by public pressure
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I 'm a Libertarian living in Humboldt County , CA . I 've lived here in Eureka since 1973 and joined the Libertarian Party in 1992 . This blog will mostly focus on local political issues , but I may stray into state and national issues as well , when I can 't help myself . Please post your comments by clicking on the " comments " link at the bottom of each post . Although I do moderate comments , you need not be a registered user to post them . Libertarian Party presidential candidate , Gary Johnson , picks up another endorsement . This time from the Chicago Tribune . This comes as a surprise if only because , being from authoritarian Chicago , I would think they 'd be big on Clinton . Earth Sky News tells us the Rosetta spacecraft is poised to land on comet 67P / Churyumov - Gerasimenko on September 30 . It 's not really clear from the web page if we can watch , but it reads as if cameras will be on during its descent and landing on the comet . No instructions for viewing except for ; " On September 30 , there will be a short transmission confirming Rosetta 's impact on the comet . It will be streamed via the three links just above . " The Detroit News has officially endorsed Gary Johnson for president . That makes his fourth newspaper endorsement if I 'm remembering it right , although I can 't remember the names of the other three papers that endorsed him previously . Someone pointed out after the last endorsement that gives Johnson more endorsements than the Clumps , although there 's no doubt in my mind Clinton will pick up a bunch pretty soon with most newspapers joined at the hip with the Democrats . More specifically , pointing to the Gore / Bush election to show how voting third party can lead to war . I 'm glad Reason staff recall Gore 's warlike history , which isn 't unlike Clinton 's . He voted to invade Iraq and has a history of threatening Iraq : ask for a resolution demanding " prompt , unconditional compliance by Iraq within a definite period of time . " And if the Security Council failed ? " Other choices " - Gore meant force - " remain open . " After all , " Iraq 's search for weapons of mass destruction has proven impossible to completely deter , and we should assume that it will continue for as long I 've always wondered about such theories in general and felt current dialogue makes them more believable . For instance , if it was true that 9 / 11 was an actual conspiracy - and I mean for real - what would we be hearing now ? Exactly what we 're already hearing : " No way they could pull that off " , " it would have taken thousands of people to do that . Someone would say something " , and so on . I guess we 'll never know for sure since even if it was true , we 'd be hearing the same things . posted by Fred Mangels @ 2 : 02 PM 0 comments Fascinating ideas from Elon Musk who wants to start a human colony on Mars . He thinks to make it self sustaining could take up to 100 years . He thinks big , though . The spacecraft he 's planning to use could carry 100 people or more . It 's believed the first flight to Mars could take place in 2022 . That leaves me out as I might be dead by then , but I wouldn 't likely go even if I could . Seems kinda scary and there 's a lot of questions I have that are unanswered . Neat stuff , though . I hope I 'm alive to watch it on TV . posted by Fred Mangels @ 1 : 38 PM 0 comments In one of the Sacramento Bee 's more clear headed opinion pieces , they attack Donald Trump 's support and advocacy for New York 's Stop and Frisk policies . They 're spot on and go on to look at police transparency and other " law and order " issues in the Sacramento area . You can be sure this was intended to be blatantly anti - Trump . They wouldn 't have written something like this about Clinton but , when you 're right you 're right : The inlaws across the street have one of these signs in their yard . I haven 't had the chance but want to ask my brother - in - law - a self described conservative , what his - the conservative - argument against Measure P is . I 'm voting No on P and will post my reasons here soon . Can anyone give me the gist of the arguments local conservatives have against the measure ? I 'm mostly wondering what sort of argument we 'll be hearing when this gets on the ballot . Feel free to post them as comments . Keep in mind you can make comments anonymously . posted by Fred Mangels @ 9 : 27 AM 3 comments I was out of the room last night but returned to have Connie mention some ad she saw on TV . She said you could get television service for $ 25 . 00 if you signed up for Sling TV . Sounded great to me . I don 't have a problem with Suddenlink except for the monthy price - a bit pricey for us at almost $ 80 . 00 . Turns out this Sling TV is just one of those internet stream things and it looks like you might need a Roku box , or something to make it work . They said you needed to install their app on your " device " . So what device ? I assumed that meant our TV and I had no idea how to do that . Then it looked as if I might have to get one of their boxes - they had a Roku box , I think , featured on their web page . I 'd entered my credit card info to get the free trial , then got a bit uncomfortable as I didn 't know how to go further to set up the free trial . I also couldn 't see anywhere on the web site to cancel the trial even though the site said you could cancel at anytime . I finally called their 1 - 800 number and the lady on the other end said I could cancel by signing back into the site and there would be a link for cancelling . I did that , found it and cancelled . Whew ! Close one . It didn 't look like that bad a deal to me . The $ 25 . 00 plan had a bunch of channels with one plan for $ 40 . 00 that included all their channels . The deal breaker for me was I didn 't see MeTV or BBC among their choices . Connie didn 't seem to care and she 's the big TV watcher so I figured we 'd go ahead and try it anyway . No , I didn 't watch the Clump debate that everyone else watched last night . That would have been beneath me . It turned out to be a good decision as I got to watch two episodes of Star Trek - The Next Generation I hadn 't seen before . What a treat ! I did want to check this morning and see what various observers thought of the goings on - hopefully some objective viewpoints and not those of partisans who already favored one Clump over the other . I figured a libertarian viewpoint might be the most best as we generally consider ourselves above the Republican vs . Democrat fray . I wasn 't disappointed , although it took me some time to find a debate review by Stephen Cox over at Liberty magazine . He called the debate a draw : " I 'll agree with Charles Krauthammer 's instant analysis and call the thing a draw , although I 'm not quite sure what I mean by that . " I 'll take his word for it . posted by Fred Mangels @ 8 : 32 AM 5 comments For those unfamiliar with the Elk 's Lodge , it 's out on Herrick Avenue on the edge of Pine Hill . Drive south on F street through the Eureka Muni Golf Course . As you climb the hill leaving the golf course , Elk 's Lodge is at the top of the hill to the right . posted by Fred Mangels @ 7 : 41 AM 4 comments The Sacramento Bee reports on a new law just signed by Governor Brown . This law allows people who find a dog suffering in a car that 's too hot to break the windows to free the dog without facing civil or criminal penalties . I actually support the law but wasn 't aware this was an issue . I assumed that , due to exigency ( emergency circumstances ) , anyone would be able to help a dog suffering from being left in a car that became overheated . And some people don 't really care much about their dogs . I recall some time ago a neighbor walking her dog across the street . One of the gals that worked at the group home across the street had just parked her car in front of that house and went to go inside leaving her dog inside the car with the windows rolled up . My neighbor walked by the car and mentioned to the girl it wasn 't safe to lock her dog in the car like that . The girl replied , " Don 't tell me how to treat my f * * * * * * g dog " , My neighbor just walked off . The dog stayed in the car . Right before I moved up here I was living in Costa Mesa , CA . A guy was staying at our house with us . I forget his name but he had a beautiful Alaskan Malemute he named Chad . I had a husky dog , too , but nowhere near the size of Chad . I took both dogs with me to the beach one day . For whatever reason I took my dog , Nika , with me down to the beach but left Chad in the car with the windows rolled up . It never occurred to me what might go wrong with that . When I came back to the car , Chad had torn all the rubber seals out from around the windows . I couldn 't figure out why , aside from thinking maybe he just wanted to go down to the beach with us so was trying to get out of the car . And this was in June in southern California . I wasn 't made aware , and had never considered , the heat build up in a car until fairly recently when news items and TV commercials pointed it out . That incident with Chad is one that haunts me to this day as I could have killed him . This new law might help others avoid the same situation I put myself in back then . There 's much more awareness now of the danger of overheated cars to pets and kids , but some people just don 't care . posted by Fred Mangels @ 10 : 03 AM 5 comments Some pictures of unique tiny home ideas here . Probably too expensive for use with Eureka 's homeless problem , but neat nonetheless . I do think that one on a rock in the middle of a large river is probably a bad idea . At least its location . This reminded me of something my brother in law 's grandparents built in their back yard on Glatt Street in Eureka . They had a mother - in - law unit of sorts just outside their back door made of those sheet metal storage sheds you can buy at Sears . It was actually two adjoining rooms with one being a storage room and the other made for living , with most of the amenities as I recall . Really cute and I thought it would be a fun place to be in the rain with the aluminum roof . Not insulated at all so probably real cold in the winter . That idea is probably too expensive , too . I bought one of those sheds back in the ' 80s to use for storage at my place when I lived in Myrtletown . I recall it seeming pricey at the time but sitll less expensive than building a shed from wood . Not sure I 'd recommend building one as construction required screwing in more screws at one time than I ever had before in my life , but that was before powered screwdrivers were commonplace . The Times - Standard reports on Clinton 's Vice Presidential Tim Kaine telling us we 'd best keep our presidential choices limited to the major party candidates . That should come as no surprise . I 'll agree with Kaine that we might not have suffered through the biggest foreign relations gaffe in perhaps our lifetimes - the invasion of Iraq - had Al Gore won , but there 's no way to say that for sure . Then , over at the Sacramento Bee , Dan Walters looks at our U . S . Senate race , making it seem as if the only two candidates in that race are Kamala Harris and Loretta Sanchez . I suppose I shouldn 't be surprised that he makes no mention of Libertarian Party candidate Gail Lightfoot who is also in that race . I had to point out in the comments to that story that , with so - called independents being the fast growing voter segment in the state , a third party candidate might be able to shake that race up a little . But , no , I " m sure Dan likes the horse race aspect of a two party race . Hey , I 'm used to it , having been pretty much a third party voter since ' 92 . It is frustrating being ignored and always losing but that goes with the territory . What I 'm curious about is everyone else . Do all of you like being told your choices are whoever the powers that be say they are ? If there were actually only two choices in this race , I 'd likely not vote at all as I 've done before . Maybe it 's just my nature , but that sort of attitude would just piss me off . I don 't like being told what to do or having my options limited . I realize most others aren 't that way but if someone told me I had to vote for either Clinton or Trump and that was it , it woud piss me off enough I 'd take the third choice . And , as I 've written here and elsewhere , this is the perfect time to vote third party with two horrific candidates being forced upon you . The Washington Post chats with Professor Allan Lichtman who has correctly predicted presidential election outcomes for the past 30 years . He has a system based on what he calls Keys . This year the Keys give Trump the edge , although he admits Trump is such a wild card he may throw his system off . I can 't help but like this guy , Democrat though he may be . He 's voting for Trump as he sees Trump as the peace candidate . He goes on to write about the past with much mention of the Kennedys . Kennedy used to be a dirty word to me . Maybe not so much anymore after what he wrote about them . Lengthy , but I thought a good , inspiring read . " Creating a credit system that encourages inmates to take advantage of evidence - based rehabilitation programs is a good thing . California 's prisons are focused too much on correction and not rehabilitation . But where Proposition 57 goes astray is in the details - such as its failure to make clear what nonviolent felonies qualify for the program . " The Sacramento Bee reports the California Association of Police Chiefs has come out opposing Prop 63 . That 's Gavin Newsom 's gun control initiative . Good for them , but not too much of a surprise to me as police I 've known aren 't generally big on gun control . This doesn 't mean the police chiefs have become advocates of civil rights . It could be a one - time thing . The same article also reports those same police chiefs oppose the Adult Use of Marijuana Act . Then again , some pot use advocates oppose AUMA . Whad ' ya do ? posted by Fred Mangels @ 9 : 54 AM 1 comments As I wrote earlier , I recently " enlisted " in the Veteran 's Administration 's health care system , or whatever it 's called . Tuesday we made our first trip to their San Francisco medical facility . I was told I kinda had to in order to be officially processed into the system . Since we also had a pending appointment at the UCSF medical center , we tried to coordinate the two appointments . That was easier said than done , although the V . A . clinic was easier to contact . Easy to contact but they 're pretty well booked up , too , so good luck getting the ideal time and day to match the two appointments . The V . A . center is about two miles from UCSF as it turned out . Last time we were in San Francisco we drove by it in order to get an idea of where we 'd be going . Monday night , while at the Villa Inn , we looked at the appointment cards they 'd sent us and noticed slightly different directions to the V . A . than we 'd taken the first time . We decided to try their instructions . The V . A . 's instructions worked better . The center is on Clement Street , which is what we drove down the first time , but going one street further down to Stanyan is a lot less hassle - less stop and go , so quicker . We had a 10am appointment , but they recommended getting there a half hour early , which we try to do anyway , especially it being somewhere we 'd never been before . We made it in plenty of time . In fact , maybe a bit too early . A bit confusing at first , but we found a parking spot - free parking , unlike UCSF , although it doesn 't look as if they have the capacity for cars UCSF does . We went inside the building and had to ask passersby where we needed to go . Friendly people pointed us in the right direction . I liked this place better than UCSF already . Going to the first floor to check in , the clerk was helpful and the waiting room not very full . The clerk even laughed a bit with us . That 's not something you see often at UCSF . She had me fill out a form I gave back to her when completed . Then I had to try out the I . D . kiosk I 'd been told about . That 's how you officially show you were there so they can mail you your travel money . It 's like a big ATM . I was a bit confused at first with what option to pick but I picked one , ran my V . A . ID card through the slot and finished the process fairly quickly . Or did I ? There wasn 't any " Thank You " or other indication I 'd done it correctly . The screen just went back to the starting page . I told the wife I wasn 't sure if it worked . She suggested trying it again to see what happens . Maybe it would tell me I already checked in if I 'd done it right the first time ? We went on to our first appointment , planning on dealing with the check - in kiosk before leaving . We sat in the waiting room and I was quickly called to a small room where they took my blood pressure and other vital stats . Then we were called to another room where a pretty gal - a nurse practitioner - greeted us . She took us into an office for an interview and even gave me a cursory exam . She was also fun to speak with as she had a sense of humor . Again , not something you find often at UCSF . Who ' da thunk humor at a V . A . facility ? The nurse practitioner did order a prescription for me , though , so we went in search of the pharmacy . We found it and I was impressed with their system . you take a number and wait , except I just picked my number when they called it . I went to the counter and they told me it would take about 20 more minutes for my prescription to be ready . The gal pointed to a digital screen on the waiting room wall with a list of names . Those screens seemed to be in just about every room we passed by . When your prescription was ready your name would show up on the screen . Rite Aid pharmacy could take a hint from their system . Time for lunch so we had to find the cafeteria . We followed some signs and eventually found it . Crowded , but not too bad . You order you meal at a counter much like a Subway sandwich shop . Yell it to the cook . They had a bunch of stuff , with much of the usual : hamburgers , french fries , salads and such . I just ordered some french fries . I ordered a vegie burger for the wife and the cook said something about no vegie burgers available . Something about substituting black beans instead . I couldn 't really hear him over the din so just nodded my head . After five minutes or so we had our meals and went to find a seat in the dining room . It was packed but we found one spot not far from the big picture windows that overlook the ocean and beach outside . I mentioned to the wife the next day that at least the UCSF food court wasn 't so crowded . She pointed out it might well be as crowded if it was lunchtime . Good point . We got done with lunch and left , fumbling our way to the exit . I was so mixed up I wasn 't even sure which direction the parking lots were once we got outside . But it all came together . We found our car and drove back to the Villa Inn . I much prefer that place to UCSF for the ambiance if nothing else . One thing that kind of disturbed me was when the nurse practitioner was interviewing us . She kept referring to us switching my care to the V . A . That wasn 't what I had in mind , at least to start with . I just wanted the V . A . as an alternate or back up . I tried to explain that to her but she didn 't seem to get it . Oh , well , If I do end up switching care to the V . A . center , I could probably do worse . Easier to get to and friendlier people . posted by Fred Mangels @ 8 : 33 AM 8 comments I 've been out of town the last few days but was disappointed to read , either in the Lost Coast Outpost or somewhere else , that the Eureka City Council ignored the advice I gave here previously about staying out of that oil pipeline fray in the Dakotas . But , nope , from what I 'm reading they voted to send a letter in opposition to that pipeline . To whom , it 's not clear . As I wrote then , this isn 't a city issue and they should stick to city issues . How would they feel if other cities wrote letters to whomever objecting to our desire to improve our harbor capabilities ? We don 't need an " activist " council meddling in other city and state affairs unless it directly affects the City of Eureka . This sort of thing makes me wonder why so called progressives complain about the current city council . Looks to me as if they 're pretty progressive already . The Humboldt Consequential has stronger words on this so I 'll let his rant suffice . He wrote in part : bullshit . Maybe they should start a Facebook petition , too ? Then they can go back to doing nothing while feeling even better about how socially progressive and groovy they are . " I put that last one in quotes because it 's a paraphrase of what a neighbor told me during a presidential campaign of some years ago . He said something along the line of " I want someone so tough that nobody will even think of messing with us " . Probably a fairly common sentiment among Americans , never considering that also increases the chance and opportunity to attack other countries or , more likely , they don 't care . Trevor Timm , Executive Director of the Freedom of the Press Foundation says , " Ed Snowden is possibly the most influential whistle blower of our time " . He elaborates in an eight minute video over at Reason that I can 't really bother with since I lost the sound on this computer . Grrrr . . . ! ! ! Just something fun that came to mind when we 're staying at motels in the Bay Area . John Chiv 's recent post about slow traffic reminded me of it : We usually wake up and turn on the TV to watch the Bay Area commute coverage . Station KRON has a news helicopter showing traffic on the freeway and lately they have coded digital maps of the freeways showing which ones are backed up and which ones are free flowing . Why can 't we have something like that up here ? I realize KIEM - TV can 't afford a helicopter , but maybe the Coast Guard would allow them to ride along and film the freeways ? The safety corridor between Eureka and Arcata has traffic running smooth except for a slow down at the Ryan Slough bridge as you enter Eureka from the north . Looks like a small traffic accident just to the south of the bridge . Commuters may want to take the Indianola or Bayside cutoffs to avoid that tie - up . Back to you at the station , Dave . . . Wouldn 't that be fun to watch each morning ? It would give KIEM - TV more viewers and put them on par with he Bay Area stations . posted by Fred Mangels @ 11 : 58 AM 7 comments The Times Standard reports on the goings on at a recent Eureka City Council meeting . I happened to watch most of that meeting - or at least the part dealing with pot - on Access Humboldt TV last night . I found it interesting with City Planning Director , Rob Holmlund , presenting all sorts of facts and figures involving the marijuana industry . I was surprised at Holmlund 's apparent strong support for allowing the " cannabis industry " to legally operate in Eureka . Most politicians and bureaucrats are afraid to support policies outside the norm for fear of something going wrong . Then they take the blame , or so they fear . With the info Holmlund provided the city council shouldn 't be too afraid to move forward with letting the pot businesses open and operate within the city . In other matters , the city is expected to sign a letter in opposition to that Dakota Access pipeline which has been in the news of late . I personally think that shouldn 't be within the purview of the Eureka City Council . That 's the other state 's business , not ours , and you have to wonder how the council would feel if another city in the country raised objections to our plans to develop Humboldt Harbor ? Then they 'll consider the plastic bag ban . I 'd like them to oppose that , but won 't hold my breath as it takes genuine free - thinkers to resist hysterical environmentalists . They 'll likely go along with the ban if only to be seen as environmentally concious . I urge them not to , although it 's a state law and probably not something they have a lot of say in . No mention is made of the fact that plastic bag drop offs are already available at most larger stores . I drop mine off at the Henderson Center Rite Aid . The bins are also available at Winco and all other grocery stores of a certain size . It 's not as if there 's a major problem for residents to properly dispose of plastic bags as it is , but leave it to local media - and perhaps the city council - to suggest there is . posted by Fred Mangels @ 8 : 03 AM 2 comments I 'm assuming his main motivation is Gary Johnson being excluded from the national presidential debates . If so , and if he can generate skepticism and distrust of our electoral system , more power to him . I hope the movie is a success . I just hope I can get the sound back on this computer so I can watch it online . posted by Fred Mangels @ 8 : 04 AM 11 comments Which isn 't to disparage the LoWV . I 've been impressed with the way they handle candidate forums up here . They 're even handed and allow all candidates to participate , regardless of party . Yet I 'm surprised at their spunk in this instance . I would have expected them to go along to get along . Good for them . Boycott the debates as some have suggested ? I 'm not sure that would have much effect as the CPB won 't know who is or isn 't watching . I 'll likely not be watching them anyway . I wouldn 't expect to hear Clump say anything they haven 't said already . You can see the League 's full press release here . Rather strongly worded . Again , I would have expected them to go along to get along . posted by Fred Mangels @ 1 : 58 PM 5 comments Here 's the ACLU 's Pardon Ed Snowden page where you can add your name to the cause . I think he did a great service to the country exposing the mass surveillance and all . I also fail to see where he harmed the country as some have claimed . If anything , all he did was embarrass the government , which I naturally see as a good thing . This just in today from the " Hello MD " e - mail list . Hello MD seems to be run , or at least contributed to , by doctors sympathetic to medical uses of marijuana . Today 's e - mail deals with differences between marinol and actual marijuana . It caught my attention because I had occasion to use Marinol last time I was in the hospital at UCSF . It seemed like pulling teeth to get some . I 'd asked my doctor 's nurse using an online form if they could provide me a medical marijuana card . She said they could , and implied one would be forthcoming . That was it . When I got to UCSF I brought it up with some other doctors and they suggested talking to my doctor as " he 's all into that " . Turned out that wasn 't true . It seems most down there point their fingers to someone else to hit up for 215 cards and then scurry away not wanting to take the responsibility themselves . So one evening they came in to give medications and mine included a marinol capsule . I have no idea who authorized it as most doctors I brought up the subject with seemed to ignore the issue . So I took it and after a while dozed off . I woke up some time later and felt that giddy feeling I hadn 't felt since the ' 80s . I felt like giggling and wondered what was going on . Then I remembered the marinol and realized that 's what I was feeling . It wasn 't real strong , though , and I realized if I 'd smoked some pot it would have been much stronger , but I still felt good . One thing I noticed right away and mentioned to doctors later is it did seem to put a damper on my anxiety . I 'd been somewhat upset being in the hospital with no apparent end in sight . The marinol made me not really care about that anymore . For that reason alone it was worth it . Another thing I noticed is I started feeling even sleepier than I normally would have been at that time . Then I remembered that was one thing I didn 't like about smoking pot : it made me sleepy . I told myself then , and the nurses every morning they 'd offer me some with my medications , I didn 't want to take it in the morning as it would probably make me sleepy all day . I told them that time and again yet they 'd always offer me it each morning apparently not remembering what I 'd told them the day before . In fairness to them , I suppose they still felt like giving me the choice . I can 't fault them for that . So marinol worked for me but smoking or eating pot would have worked better I 'm sure . As that WebMD piece points out : " If patients were legally allowed to use marijuana , relatively few would choose Marinol . " . From my own experience , I fully agree . After I 'd gotten out of the hospital , I went back to see my doctor and broached the subject of a 215 card for medical marijuana . Turned out he " wasn 't all about that " as one of the other doctors had said . Anything but . In fact , he got a bit surly with the subject brought up and seemed to want to ignore it . That kinda pissed me off and I figured he was just like the rest down there , joined at the hip with the pharma companies . Either that or , when push comes to shove and they have to sign something , they lose whatever enthusiasm they had for medical pot to begin with . I dropped the subject . MeTV has some info Dawn Wells fans might enjoy . Wells played islander Mary Ann on Gilligan 's Island . I 'm not sure if you need a Facebook account to see the page , but there 's also a link to an audio interview with Gilbert Godfried . I can 't listen to that one since I lost the sound on this computer a while back . They 're probably right . I 've subscribed to their e - mail list for some time and enjoy it . I just have to read about the best workout for my abs , never mind their obligatory How To Really Please That Woman stories they always include ( I know , Johnny Maniac . Not for you ) . Today 's tip is why a certain pick up line never works . Not sure I 'll bother with that one . Then again , if I get bored . . . who knows ? If I have any complaint with Men 's Health is they seem to write a lot without really making a point , althought the article on Johnson seems brief and to the point . That , and they have those damned things on the sides and top of the window that pop out and get in your way when you 're trying to read . Earth / Sky News tells us there will be a supermoon this Friday so keep your eyes on the sky . Two problems arise , though : First , experts can 't seem to agree on the definition of a supermoon . Second : It will likely be overcast and cloudy here anyway , so we might not get a good look at it . As best I can figure from the article , the moon will be really big , although they don 't actually say that . I 'll be watching anyway . posted by Fred Mangels @ 7 : 27 AM 2 comments A big paper out of Richmond , Virginia that also endorsed Johnson the other day . I wouldn 't be surprised if there 's more to come . posted by Fred Mangels @ 3 : 46 PM 3 comments Ken Anton , the Libertarian Party candidate for our state assembly district stopped by my house a little while ago and dropped off some of his yard signs . I have five in all and will use one in my yard . The rest are up for grabs so long as you promise to use it and aren 't just ripping me off . E - mailing me privately is probably the best way to contact me without embarrassing yourself . Many of you might have seen the online ads for Harry 's . They claim to make superior razors , solving all the problems guys have complained about over the years . You can see their list of 6 issues they claim to have fixed here . I 'm not sure any of them have really been resolved . I actually fell for their ads , although I signed up mostly out of curiosity . I don 't think they solved anything , even my main complaint : I don 't see the point in seeing how many blades one can fit on a razor . When I first saw their ad , for some reason their razor looked like it just had one blade . I wanted to support them for that reason alone so I ordered one . It is kinda nice how they send you new blades without having to order them . At first , I thought it was a freebie . Nope . Checking my credit card account I see they were charging me for them . I don 't remember the exact cost or how it compared to Rite Aid brand , but I was being charged , and they sent them more often than needed . I finally e - mailed them and they stopped shipping them and billing me . So there 's not much to say other than I don 't really see Harry 's razors as any sort of innovation . Give one a try , if curious , but be sure and keep an eye on your credit card account and cancel if not interested in continuing . posted by Fred Mangels @ 12 : 46 PM 3 comments Antiwar . com has a story on doubts in some circles about accusations of chemical weapons attacks in Syria . A relief to me since some years ago when western media were playing up those same accusations , I seemed the lone voice in the wilderness saying it was unlikely as Syria 's president Assad would have nothing to gain by doing so . Funny thing is , I was beginning to think there might be some truth to these recent allegations , until now . What I wrote back then : " It would make no sense for Assad to use chemical weapons knowing the west is biting at the bit for an excuse to attack him . He 'd have nothing to gain and everything to lose . Not so the rebels , who would have everything to gain and nothing to lose by staging a chemical attack . More from the article : " Yet , the evidence from at least one of the incidents examined by the U . N . team suggests that an attack on Al - Tamanah on the night of April 29 - 30 , 2014 , might well have been staged by rebels and then played up by The Sacramento Bee 's Dan Walters writes today about California 's public employee pension debt being higher than many claim . Some claim the debt could go as high as 1 trillion dollars . Maybe even higher , depending on how it 's handled : Queen of Humboldt bloggers , Kym Kemp , has a great read over at her place regarding Sex Trafficking and Abuse in the Marijuana Industry . Kind of an insider look at the seasonal workers in the marijuana industry and the Southern Humboldt culture . I 've always wondered what Petrolia looked like and she provided a picture . A great read , but took a while to finish . Hat tip to Eric Kirk for the link . I had to ask why they 're bothering to put the fire out ? After all it can 't likely cross the water and threaten homes on the mainland . Someone mentioned some homeless living on the island , although how they might have made their way there I have no idea . If that 's the case , why not just remove those people and take them back after the fire burns itself out . Another comment asked me ; " Why NOT put the fire out ? We have the resources " . Yep , we obviously do , but those resources are very expensive . Helicopters , in particular , cost a lot to operate . I say let the fire burn itself out . I 'm apparently the odd man out again as that doesn 't seem to be the common line of thinking nowadays . posted by Fred Mangels @ 9 : 25 AM 2 comments It does get awkward , though , when you end up in such situations unexpectedly . I recall the last time , although I can 't remember what the exact occasion was . All of the sudden we 're asked to stand for the pledge of allegiance . I stood , but didn 't recite the pledge while the fellow next to me , a friend , dutifully recited it out loud . I could hear him as I stood there silently and had to wonder why an adult would play that game ? He seemed so serious about it . posted by Fred Mangels @ 9 : 09 AM 7 comments Just in the news is a gal who went into an Albertson 's market in Louisiana and asked to have a birthday cake with " Trump 2016 " written on it . The baker behind the counter wouldn 't do it . Should government have forced her to ? I went in there yesterday to pick up a prescription . My legs were really tired and there was only one guy at the counter picking up something so I took advantage of the chairs they had nearby . As soon as I took a seat some lady came up and stood in what was supposed to be the line . She had a couple of boxes of benadryl in hand . Within a minute another girl had arrived and gotten in line . The first one turned , looked at me and asked " Are you in this line " . I replied " kinda , but I see you 're a fellow benadryl user so go ahead and I 'll just sit here . " . She explained the benadryl she had was for mosquito bites . She abrubtly turned and left the line after that . I got up and took care of my business , telling myself not to use those chairs again . Maybe that pharmacy should have numbers where you pick one and they serve you based on their number ? That 's not so bad , though . I 've seen people jump to the front of the line at the regular checkouts there a number of times . The checkout lines are usually a ways back from the actual checkout counter . Then some airhead comes in , sees a momentarily empty checkout and walks straight up to it , not realizing there 's a line of people waiting . I write that off as just more stupid people unaware of their surroundings . There 's a lot like that up here and Rite Aid gets more than its fair share . " Vilifying pharmaceutical companies may be good election - year politics , but the EpiPen saga merely illustrates old fashioned rent seeking and aggressive marketing . These strategies can work in the short run . Eventually , however , they are destined to be defeated by public pressure
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I 'm a Libertarian living in Humboldt County , CA . I 've lived here in Eureka since 1973 and joined the Libertarian Party in 1992 . This blog will mostly focus on local political issues , but I may stray into state and national issues as well , when I can 't help myself . Please post your comments by clicking on the " comments " link at the bottom of each post . Although I do moderate comments , you need not be a registered user to post them . Libertarian Party presidential candidate , Gary Johnson , picks up another endorsement . This time from the Chicago Tribune . This comes as a surprise if only because , being from authoritarian Chicago , I would think they 'd be big on Clinton . Earth Sky News tells us the Rosetta spacecraft is poised to land on comet 67P / Churyumov - Gerasimenko on September 30 . It 's not really clear from the web page if we can watch , but it reads as if cameras will be on during its descent and landing on the comet . No instructions for viewing except for ; " On September 30 , there will be a short transmission confirming Rosetta 's impact on the comet . It will be streamed via the three links just above . " The Detroit News has officially endorsed Gary Johnson for president . That makes his fourth newspaper endorsement if I 'm remembering it right , although I can 't remember the names of the other three papers that endorsed him previously . Someone pointed out after the last endorsement that gives Johnson more endorsements than the Clumps , although there 's no doubt in my mind Clinton will pick up a bunch pretty soon with most newspapers joined at the hip with the Democrats . More specifically , pointing to the Gore / Bush election to show how voting third party can lead to war . I 'm glad Reason staff recall Gore 's warlike history , which isn 't unlike Clinton 's . He voted to invade Iraq and has a history of threatening Iraq : ask for a resolution demanding " prompt , unconditional compliance by Iraq within a definite period of time . " And if the Security Council failed ? " Other choices " - Gore meant force - " remain open . " After all , " Iraq 's search for weapons of mass destruction has proven impossible to completely deter , and we should assume that it will continue for as long I 've always wondered about such theories in general and felt current dialogue makes them more believable . For instance , if it was true that 9 / 11 was an actual conspiracy - and I mean for real - what would we be hearing now ? Exactly what we 're already hearing : " No way they could pull that off " , " it would have taken thousands of people to do that . Someone would say something " , and so on . I guess we 'll never know for sure since even if it was true , we 'd be hearing the same things . posted by Fred Mangels @ 2 : 02 PM 0 comments Fascinating ideas from Elon Musk who wants to start a human colony on Mars . He thinks to make it self sustaining could take up to 100 years . He thinks big , though . The spacecraft he 's planning to use could carry 100 people or more . It 's believed the first flight to Mars could take place in 2022 . That leaves me out as I might be dead by then , but I wouldn 't likely go even if I could . Seems kinda scary and there 's a lot of questions I have that are unanswered . Neat stuff , though . I hope I 'm alive to watch it on TV . posted by Fred Mangels @ 1 : 38 PM 0 comments In one of the Sacramento Bee 's more clear headed opinion pieces , they attack Donald Trump 's support and advocacy for New York 's Stop and Frisk policies . They 're spot on and go on to look at police transparency and other " law and order " issues in the Sacramento area . You can be sure this was intended to be blatantly anti - Trump . They wouldn 't have written something like this about Clinton but , when you 're right you 're right : The inlaws across the street have one of these signs in their yard . I haven 't had the chance but want to ask my brother - in - law - a self described conservative , what his - the conservative - argument against Measure P is . I 'm voting No on P and will post my reasons here soon . Can anyone give me the gist of the arguments local conservatives have against the measure ? I 'm mostly wondering what sort of argument we 'll be hearing when this gets on the ballot . Feel free to post them as comments . Keep in mind you can make comments anonymously . posted by Fred Mangels @ 9 : 27 AM 3 comments I was out of the room last night but returned to have Connie mention some ad she saw on TV . She said you could get television service for $ 25 . 00 if you signed up for Sling TV . Sounded great to me . I don 't have a problem with Suddenlink except for the monthy price - a bit pricey for us at almost $ 80 . 00 . Turns out this Sling TV is just one of those internet stream things and it looks like you might need a Roku box , or something to make it work . They said you needed to install their app on your " device " . So what device ? I assumed that meant our TV and I had no idea how to do that . Then it looked as if I might have to get one of their boxes - they had a Roku box , I think , featured on their web page . I 'd entered my credit card info to get the free trial , then got a bit uncomfortable as I didn 't know how to go further to set up the free trial . I also couldn 't see anywhere on the web site to cancel the trial even though the site said you could cancel at anytime . I finally called their 1 - 800 number and the lady on the other end said I could cancel by signing back into the site and there would be a link for cancelling . I did that , found it and cancelled . Whew ! Close one . It didn 't look like that bad a deal to me . The $ 25 . 00 plan had a bunch of channels with one plan for $ 40 . 00 that included all their channels . The deal breaker for me was I didn 't see MeTV or BBC among their choices . Connie didn 't seem to care and she 's the big TV watcher so I figured we 'd go ahead and try it anyway . No , I didn 't watch the Clump debate that everyone else watched last night . That would have been beneath me . It turned out to be a good decision as I got to watch two episodes of Star Trek - The Next Generation I hadn 't seen before . What a treat ! I did want to check this morning and see what various observers thought of the goings on - hopefully some objective viewpoints and not those of partisans who already favored one Clump over the other . I figured a libertarian viewpoint might be the most best as we generally consider ourselves above the Republican vs . Democrat fray . I wasn 't disappointed , although it took me some time to find a debate review by Stephen Cox over at Liberty magazine . He called the debate a draw : " I 'll agree with Charles Krauthammer 's instant analysis and call the thing a draw , although I 'm not quite sure what I mean by that . " I 'll take his word for it . posted by Fred Mangels @ 8 : 32 AM 5 comments For those unfamiliar with the Elk 's Lodge , it 's out on Herrick Avenue on the edge of Pine Hill . Drive south on F street through the Eureka Muni Golf Course . As you climb the hill leaving the golf course , Elk 's Lodge is at the top of the hill to the right . posted by Fred Mangels @ 7 : 41 AM 4 comments The Sacramento Bee reports on a new law just signed by Governor Brown . This law allows people who find a dog suffering in a car that 's too hot to break the windows to free the dog without facing civil or criminal penalties . I actually support the law but wasn 't aware this was an issue . I assumed that , due to exigency ( emergency circumstances ) , anyone would be able to help a dog suffering from being left in a car that became overheated . And some people don 't really care much about their dogs . I recall some time ago a neighbor walking her dog across the street . One of the gals that worked at the group home across the street had just parked her car in front of that house and went to go inside leaving her dog inside the car with the windows rolled up . My neighbor walked by the car and mentioned to the girl it wasn 't safe to lock her dog in the car like that . The girl replied , " Don 't tell me how to treat my f * * * * * * g dog " , My neighbor just walked off . The dog stayed in the car . Right before I moved up here I was living in Costa Mesa , CA . A guy was staying at our house with us . I forget his name but he had a beautiful Alaskan Malemute he named Chad . I had a husky dog , too , but nowhere near the size of Chad . I took both dogs with me to the beach one day . For whatever reason I took my dog , Nika , with me down to the beach but left Chad in the car with the windows rolled up . It never occurred to me what might go wrong with that . When I came back to the car , Chad had torn all the rubber seals out from around the windows . I couldn 't figure out why , aside from thinking maybe he just wanted to go down to the beach with us so was trying to get out of the car . And this was in June in southern California . I wasn 't made aware , and had never considered , the heat build up in a car until fairly recently when news items and TV commercials pointed it out . That incident with Chad is one that haunts me to this day as I could have killed him . This new law might help others avoid the same situation I put myself in back then . There 's much more awareness now of the danger of overheated cars to pets and kids , but some people just don 't care . posted by Fred Mangels @ 10 : 03 AM 5 comments Some pictures of unique tiny home ideas here . Probably too expensive for use with Eureka 's homeless problem , but neat nonetheless . I do think that one on a rock in the middle of a large river is probably a bad idea . At least its location . This reminded me of something my brother in law 's grandparents built in their back yard on Glatt Street in Eureka . They had a mother - in - law unit of sorts just outside their back door made of those sheet metal storage sheds you can buy at Sears . It was actually two adjoining rooms with one being a storage room and the other made for living , with most of the amenities as I recall . Really cute and I thought it would be a fun place to be in the rain with the aluminum roof . Not insulated at all so probably real cold in the winter . That idea is probably too expensive , too . I bought one of those sheds back in the ' 80s to use for storage at my place when I lived in Myrtletown . I recall it seeming pricey at the time but sitll less expensive than building a shed from wood . Not sure I 'd recommend building one as construction required screwing in more screws at one time than I ever had before in my life , but that was before powered screwdrivers were commonplace . The Times - Standard reports on Clinton 's Vice Presidential Tim Kaine telling us we 'd best keep our presidential choices limited to the major party candidates . That should come as no surprise . I 'll agree with Kaine that we might not have suffered through the biggest foreign relations gaffe in perhaps our lifetimes - the invasion of Iraq - had Al Gore won , but there 's no way to say that for sure . Then , over at the Sacramento Bee , Dan Walters looks at our U . S . Senate race , making it seem as if the only two candidates in that race are Kamala Harris and Loretta Sanchez . I suppose I shouldn 't be surprised that he makes no mention of Libertarian Party candidate Gail Lightfoot who is also in that race . I had to point out in the comments to that story that , with so - called independents being the fast growing voter segment in the state , a third party candidate might be able to shake that race up a little . But , no , I " m sure Dan likes the horse race aspect of a two party race . Hey , I 'm used to it , having been pretty much a third party voter since ' 92 . It is frustrating being ignored and always losing but that goes with the territory . What I 'm curious about is everyone else . Do all of you like being told your choices are whoever the powers that be say they are ? If there were actually only two choices in this race , I 'd likely not vote at all as I 've done before . Maybe it 's just my nature , but that sort of attitude would just piss me off . I don 't like being told what to do or having my options limited . I realize most others aren 't that way but if someone told me I had to vote for either Clinton or Trump and that was it , it woud piss me off enough I 'd take the third choice . And , as I 've written here and elsewhere , this is the perfect time to vote third party with two horrific candidates being forced upon you . The Washington Post chats with Professor Allan Lichtman who has correctly predicted presidential election outcomes for the past 30 years . He has a system based on what he calls Keys . This year the Keys give Trump the edge , although he admits Trump is such a wild card he may throw his system off . I can 't help but like this guy , Democrat though he may be . He 's voting for Trump as he sees Trump as the peace candidate . He goes on to write about the past with much mention of the Kennedys . Kennedy used to be a dirty word to me . Maybe not so much anymore after what he wrote about them . Lengthy , but I thought a good , inspiring read . " Creating a credit system that encourages inmates to take advantage of evidence - based rehabilitation programs is a good thing . California 's prisons are focused too much on correction and not rehabilitation . But where Proposition 57 goes astray is in the details - such as its failure to make clear what nonviolent felonies qualify for the program . " The Sacramento Bee reports the California Association of Police Chiefs has come out opposing Prop 63 . That 's Gavin Newsom 's gun control initiative . Good for them , but not too much of a surprise to me as police I 've known aren 't generally big on gun control . This doesn 't mean the police chiefs have become advocates of civil rights . It could be a one - time thing . The same article also reports those same police chiefs oppose the Adult Use of Marijuana Act . Then again , some pot use advocates oppose AUMA . Whad ' ya do ? posted by Fred Mangels @ 9 : 54 AM 1 comments As I wrote earlier , I recently " enlisted " in the Veteran 's Administration 's health care system , or whatever it 's called . Tuesday we made our first trip to their San Francisco medical facility . I was told I kinda had to in order to be officially processed into the system . Since we also had a pending appointment at the UCSF medical center , we tried to coordinate the two appointments . That was easier said than done , although the V . A . clinic was easier to contact . Easy to contact but they 're pretty well booked up , too , so good luck getting the ideal time and day to match the two appointments . The V . A . center is about two miles from UCSF as it turned out . Last time we were in San Francisco we drove by it in order to get an idea of where we 'd be going . Monday night , while at the Villa Inn , we looked at the appointment cards they 'd sent us and noticed slightly different directions to the V . A . than we 'd taken the first time . We decided to try their instructions . The V . A . 's instructions worked better . The center is on Clement Street , which is what we drove down the first time , but going one street further down to Stanyan is a lot less hassle - less stop and go , so quicker . We had a 10am appointment , but they recommended getting there a half hour early , which we try to do anyway , especially it being somewhere we 'd never been before . We made it in plenty of time . In fact , maybe a bit too early . A bit confusing at first , but we found a parking spot - free parking , unlike UCSF , although it doesn 't look as if they have the capacity for cars UCSF does . We went inside the building and had to ask passersby where we needed to go . Friendly people pointed us in the right direction . I liked this place better than UCSF already . Going to the first floor to check in , the clerk was helpful and the waiting room not very full . The clerk even laughed a bit with us . That 's not something you see often at UCSF . She had me fill out a form I gave back to her when completed . Then I had to try out the I . D . kiosk I 'd been told about . That 's how you officially show you were there so they can mail you your travel money . It 's like a big ATM . I was a bit confused at first with what option to pick but I picked one , ran my V . A . ID card through the slot and finished the process fairly quickly . Or did I ? There wasn 't any " Thank You " or other indication I 'd done it correctly . The screen just went back to the starting page . I told the wife I wasn 't sure if it worked . She suggested trying it again to see what happens . Maybe it would tell me I already checked in if I 'd done it right the first time ? We went on to our first appointment , planning on dealing with the check - in kiosk before leaving . We sat in the waiting room and I was quickly called to a small room where they took my blood pressure and other vital stats . Then we were called to another room where a pretty gal - a nurse practitioner - greeted us . She took us into an office for an interview and even gave me a cursory exam . She was also fun to speak with as she had a sense of humor . Again , not something you find often at UCSF . Who ' da thunk humor at a V . A . facility ? The nurse practitioner did order a prescription for me , though , so we went in search of the pharmacy . We found it and I was impressed with their system . you take a number and wait , except I just picked my number when they called it . I went to the counter and they told me it would take about 20 more minutes for my prescription to be ready . The gal pointed to a digital screen on the waiting room wall with a list of names . Those screens seemed to be in just about every room we passed by . When your prescription was ready your name would show up on the screen . Rite Aid pharmacy could take a hint from their system . Time for lunch so we had to find the cafeteria . We followed some signs and eventually found it . Crowded , but not too bad . You order you meal at a counter much like a Subway sandwich shop . Yell it to the cook . They had a bunch of stuff , with much of the usual : hamburgers , french fries , salads and such . I just ordered some french fries . I ordered a vegie burger for the wife and the cook said something about no vegie burgers available . Something about substituting black beans instead . I couldn 't really hear him over the din so just nodded my head . After five minutes or so we had our meals and went to find a seat in the dining room . It was packed but we found one spot not far from the big picture windows that overlook the ocean and beach outside . I mentioned to the wife the next day that at least the UCSF food court wasn 't so crowded . She pointed out it might well be as crowded if it was lunchtime . Good point . We got done with lunch and left , fumbling our way to the exit . I was so mixed up I wasn 't even sure which direction the parking lots were once we got outside . But it all came together . We found our car and drove back to the Villa Inn . I much prefer that place to UCSF for the ambiance if nothing else . One thing that kind of disturbed me was when the nurse practitioner was interviewing us . She kept referring to us switching my care to the V . A . That wasn 't what I had in mind , at least to start with . I just wanted the V . A . as an alternate or back up . I tried to explain that to her but she didn 't seem to get it . Oh , well , If I do end up switching care to the V . A . center , I could probably do worse . Easier to get to and friendlier people . posted by Fred Mangels @ 8 : 33 AM 8 comments I 've been out of town the last few days but was disappointed to read , either in the Lost Coast Outpost or somewhere else , that the Eureka City Council ignored the advice I gave here previously about staying out of that oil pipeline fray in the Dakotas . But , nope , from what I 'm reading they voted to send a letter in opposition to that pipeline . To whom , it 's not clear . As I wrote then , this isn 't a city issue and they should stick to city issues . How would they feel if other cities wrote letters to whomever objecting to our desire to improve our harbor capabilities ? We don 't need an " activist " council meddling in other city and state affairs unless it directly affects the City of Eureka . This sort of thing makes me wonder why so called progressives complain about the current city council . Looks to me as if they 're pretty progressive already . The Humboldt Consequential has stronger words on this so I 'll let his rant suffice . He wrote in part : bullshit . Maybe they should start a Facebook petition , too ? Then they can go back to doing nothing while feeling even better about how socially progressive and groovy they are . " I put that last one in quotes because it 's a paraphrase of what a neighbor told me during a presidential campaign of some years ago . He said something along the line of " I want someone so tough that nobody will even think of messing with us " . Probably a fairly common sentiment among Americans , never considering that also increases the chance and opportunity to attack other countries or , more likely , they don 't care . Trevor Timm , Executive Director of the Freedom of the Press Foundation says , " Ed Snowden is possibly the most influential whistle blower of our time " . He elaborates in an eight minute video over at Reason that I can 't really bother with since I lost the sound on this computer . Grrrr . . . ! ! ! Just something fun that came to mind when we 're staying at motels in the Bay Area . John Chiv 's recent post about slow traffic reminded me of it : We usually wake up and turn on the TV to watch the Bay Area commute coverage . Station KRON has a news helicopter showing traffic on the freeway and lately they have coded digital maps of the freeways showing which ones are backed up and which ones are free flowing . Why can 't we have something like that up here ? I realize KIEM - TV can 't afford a helicopter , but maybe the Coast Guard would allow them to ride along and film the freeways ? The safety corridor between Eureka and Arcata has traffic running smooth except for a slow down at the Ryan Slough bridge as you enter Eureka from the north . Looks like a small traffic accident just to the south of the bridge . Commuters may want to take the Indianola or Bayside cutoffs to avoid that tie - up . Back to you at the station , Dave . . . Wouldn 't that be fun to watch each morning ? It would give KIEM - TV more viewers and put them on par with he Bay Area stations . posted by Fred Mangels @ 11 : 58 AM 7 comments The Times Standard reports on the goings on at a recent Eureka City Council meeting . I happened to watch most of that meeting - or at least the part dealing with pot - on Access Humboldt TV last night . I found it interesting with City Planning Director , Rob Holmlund , presenting all sorts of facts and figures involving the marijuana industry . I was surprised at Holmlund 's apparent strong support for allowing the " cannabis industry " to legally operate in Eureka . Most politicians and bureaucrats are afraid to support policies outside the norm for fear of something going wrong . Then they take the blame , or so they fear . With the info Holmlund provided the city council shouldn 't be too afraid to move forward with letting the pot businesses open and operate within the city . In other matters , the city is expected to sign a letter in opposition to that Dakota Access pipeline which has been in the news of late . I personally think that shouldn 't be within the purview of the Eureka City Council . That 's the other state 's business , not ours , and you have to wonder how the council would feel if another city in the country raised objections to our plans to develop Humboldt Harbor ? Then they 'll consider the plastic bag ban . I 'd like them to oppose that , but won 't hold my breath as it takes genuine free - thinkers to resist hysterical environmentalists . They 'll likely go along with the ban if only to be seen as environmentally concious . I urge them not to , although it 's a state law and probably not something they have a lot of say in . No mention is made of the fact that plastic bag drop offs are already available at most larger stores . I drop mine off at the Henderson Center Rite Aid . The bins are also available at Winco and all other grocery stores of a certain size . It 's not as if there 's a major problem for residents to properly dispose of plastic bags as it is , but leave it to local media - and perhaps the city council - to suggest there is . posted by Fred Mangels @ 8 : 03 AM 2 comments I 'm assuming his main motivation is Gary Johnson being excluded from the national presidential debates . If so , and if he can generate skepticism and distrust of our electoral system , more power to him . I hope the movie is a success . I just hope I can get the sound back on this computer so I can watch it online . posted by Fred Mangels @ 8 : 04 AM 11 comments Which isn 't to disparage the LoWV . I 've been impressed with the way they handle candidate forums up here . They 're even handed and allow all candidates to participate , regardless of party . Yet I 'm surprised at their spunk in this instance . I would have expected them to go along to get along . Good for them . Boycott the debates as some have suggested ? I 'm not sure that would have much effect as the CPB won 't know who is or isn 't watching . I 'll likely not be watching them anyway . I wouldn 't expect to hear Clump say anything they haven 't said already . You can see the League 's full press release here . Rather strongly worded . Again , I would have expected them to go along to get along . posted by Fred Mangels @ 1 : 58 PM 5 comments Here 's the ACLU 's Pardon Ed Snowden page where you can add your name to the cause . I think he did a great service to the country exposing the mass surveillance and all . I also fail to see where he harmed the country as some have claimed . If anything , all he did was embarrass the government , which I naturally see as a good thing . This just in today from the " Hello MD " e - mail list . Hello MD seems to be run , or at least contributed to , by doctors sympathetic to medical uses of marijuana . Today 's e - mail deals with differences between marinol and actual marijuana . It caught my attention because I had occasion to use Marinol last time I was in the hospital at UCSF . It seemed like pulling teeth to get some . I 'd asked my doctor 's nurse using an online form if they could provide me a medical marijuana card . She said they could , and implied one would be forthcoming . That was it . When I got to UCSF I brought it up with some other doctors and they suggested talking to my doctor as " he 's all into that " . Turned out that wasn 't true . It seems most down there point their fingers to someone else to hit up for 215 cards and then scurry away not wanting to take the responsibility themselves . So one evening they came in to give medications and mine included a marinol capsule . I have no idea who authorized it as most doctors I brought up the subject with seemed to ignore the issue . So I took it and after a while dozed off . I woke up some time later and felt that giddy feeling I hadn 't felt since the ' 80s . I felt like giggling and wondered what was going on . Then I remembered the marinol and realized that 's what I was feeling . It wasn 't real strong , though , and I realized if I 'd smoked some pot it would have been much stronger , but I still felt good . One thing I noticed right away and mentioned to doctors later is it did seem to put a damper on my anxiety . I 'd been somewhat upset being in the hospital with no apparent end in sight . The marinol made me not really care about that anymore . For that reason alone it was worth it . Another thing I noticed is I started feeling even sleepier than I normally would have been at that time . Then I remembered that was one thing I didn 't like about smoking pot : it made me sleepy . I told myself then , and the nurses every morning they 'd offer me some with my medications , I didn 't want to take it in the morning as it would probably make me sleepy all day . I told them that time and again yet they 'd always offer me it each morning apparently not remembering what I 'd told them the day before . In fairness to them , I suppose they still felt like giving me the choice . I can 't fault them for that . So marinol worked for me but smoking or eating pot would have worked better I 'm sure . As that WebMD piece points out : " If patients were legally allowed to use marijuana , relatively few would choose Marinol . " . From my own experience , I fully agree . After I 'd gotten out of the hospital , I went back to see my doctor and broached the subject of a 215 card for medical marijuana . Turned out he " wasn 't all about that " as one of the other doctors had said . Anything but . In fact , he got a bit surly with the subject brought up and seemed to want to ignore it . That kinda pissed me off and I figured he was just like the rest down there , joined at the hip with the pharma companies . Either that or , when push comes to shove and they have to sign something , they lose whatever enthusiasm they had for medical pot to begin with . I dropped the subject . MeTV has some info Dawn Wells fans might enjoy . Wells played islander Mary Ann on Gilligan 's Island . I 'm not sure if you need a Facebook account to see the page , but there 's also a link to an audio interview with Gilbert Godfried . I can 't listen to that one since I lost the sound on this computer a while back . They 're probably right . I 've subscribed to their e - mail list for some time and enjoy it . I just have to read about the best workout for my abs , never mind their obligatory How To Really Please That Woman stories they always include ( I know , Johnny Maniac . Not for you ) . Today 's tip is why a certain pick up line never works . Not sure I 'll bother with that one . Then again , if I get bored . . . who knows ? If I have any complaint with Men 's Health is they seem to write a lot without really making a point , althought the article on Johnson seems brief and to the point . That , and they have those damned things on the sides and top of the window that pop out and get in your way when you 're trying to read . Earth / Sky News tells us there will be a supermoon this Friday so keep your eyes on the sky . Two problems arise , though : First , experts can 't seem to agree on the definition of a supermoon . Second : It will likely be overcast and cloudy here anyway , so we might not get a good look at it . As best I can figure from the article , the moon will be really big , although they don 't actually say that . I 'll be watching anyway . posted by Fred Mangels @ 7 : 27 AM 2 comments A big paper out of Richmond , Virginia that also endorsed Johnson the other day . I wouldn 't be surprised if there 's more to come . posted by Fred Mangels @ 3 : 46 PM 3 comments Ken Anton , the Libertarian Party candidate for our state assembly district stopped by my house a little while ago and dropped off some of his yard signs . I have five in all and will use one in my yard . The rest are up for grabs so long as you promise to use it and aren 't just ripping me off . E - mailing me privately is probably the best way to contact me without embarrassing yourself . Many of you might have seen the online ads for Harry 's . They claim to make superior razors , solving all the problems guys have complained about over the years . You can see their list of 6 issues they claim to have fixed here . I 'm not sure any of them have really been resolved . I actually fell for their ads , although I signed up mostly out of curiosity . I don 't think they solved anything , even my main complaint : I don 't see the point in seeing how many blades one can fit on a razor . When I first saw their ad , for some reason their razor looked like it just had one blade . I wanted to support them for that reason alone so I ordered one . It is kinda nice how they send you new blades without having to order them . At first , I thought it was a freebie . Nope . Checking my credit card account I see they were charging me for them . I don 't remember the exact cost or how it compared to Rite Aid brand , but I was being charged , and they sent them more often than needed . I finally e - mailed them and they stopped shipping them and billing me . So there 's not much to say other than I don 't really see Harry 's razors as any sort of innovation . Give one a try , if curious , but be sure and keep an eye on your credit card account and cancel if not interested in continuing . posted by Fred Mangels @ 12 : 46 PM 3 comments Antiwar . com has a story on doubts in some circles about accusations of chemical weapons attacks in Syria . A relief to me since some years ago when western media were playing up those same accusations , I seemed the lone voice in the wilderness saying it was unlikely as Syria 's president Assad would have nothing to gain by doing so . Funny thing is , I was beginning to think there might be some truth to these recent allegations , until now . What I wrote back then : " It would make no sense for Assad to use chemical weapons knowing the west is biting at the bit for an excuse to attack him . He 'd have nothing to gain and everything to lose . Not so the rebels , who would have everything to gain and nothing to lose by staging a chemical attack . More from the article : " Yet , the evidence from at least one of the incidents examined by the U . N . team suggests that an attack on Al - Tamanah on the night of April 29 - 30 , 2014 , might well have been staged by rebels and then played up by The Sacramento Bee 's Dan Walters writes today about California 's public employee pension debt being higher than many claim . Some claim the debt could go as high as 1 trillion dollars . Maybe even higher , depending on how it 's handled : Queen of Humboldt bloggers , Kym Kemp , has a great read over at her place regarding Sex Trafficking and Abuse in the Marijuana Industry . Kind of an insider look at the seasonal workers in the marijuana industry and the Southern Humboldt culture . I 've always wondered what Petrolia looked like and she provided a picture . A great read , but took a while to finish . Hat tip to Eric Kirk for the link . I had to ask why they 're bothering to put the fire out ? After all it can 't likely cross the water and threaten homes on the mainland . Someone mentioned some homeless living on the island , although how they might have made their way there I have no idea . If that 's the case , why not just remove those people and take them back after the fire burns itself out . Another comment asked me ; " Why NOT put the fire out ? We have the resources " . Yep , we obviously do , but those resources are very expensive . Helicopters , in particular , cost a lot to operate . I say let the fire burn itself out . I 'm apparently the odd man out again as that doesn 't seem to be the common line of thinking nowadays . posted by Fred Mangels @ 9 : 25 AM 2 comments It does get awkward , though , when you end up in such situations unexpectedly . I recall the last time , although I can 't remember what the exact occasion was . All of the sudden we 're asked to stand for the pledge of allegiance . I stood , but didn 't recite the pledge while the fellow next to me , a friend , dutifully recited it out loud . I could hear him as I stood there silently and had to wonder why an adult would play that game ? He seemed so serious about it . posted by Fred Mangels @ 9 : 09 AM 7 comments Just in the news is a gal who went into an Albertson 's market in Louisiana and asked to have a birthday cake with " Trump 2016 " written on it . The baker behind the counter wouldn 't do it . Should government have forced her to ? I went in there yesterday to pick up a prescription . My legs were really tired and there was only one guy at the counter picking up something so I took advantage of the chairs they had nearby . As soon as I took a seat some lady came up and stood in what was supposed to be the line . She had a couple of boxes of benadryl in hand . Within a minute another girl had arrived and gotten in line . The first one turned , looked at me and asked " Are you in this line " . I replied " kinda , but I see you 're a fellow benadryl user so go ahead and I 'll just sit here . " . She explained the benadryl she had was for mosquito bites . She abrubtly turned and left the line after that . I got up and took care of my business , telling myself not to use those chairs again . Maybe that pharmacy should have numbers where you pick one and they serve you based on their number ? That 's not so bad , though . I 've seen people jump to the front of the line at the regular checkouts there a number of times . The checkout lines are usually a ways back from the actual checkout counter . Then some airhead comes in , sees a momentarily empty checkout and walks straight up to it , not realizing there 's a line of people waiting . I write that off as just more stupid people unaware of their surroundings . There 's a lot like that up here and Rite Aid gets more than its fair share . " Vilifying pharmaceutical companies may be good election - year politics , but the EpiPen saga merely illustrates old fashioned rent seeking and aggressive marketing . These strategies can work in the short run . Eventually , however , they are destined to be defeated by public pressure
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~ Chickens do not belong in the house . I am guessing that extends to ALL livestock . If you are struggling with the process of growing your own meat , let it live in your kitchen for a month , trust me , you will come to terms with it quicker than you think ! ~ Paul really only likes candy that is chocolate . Which is good since that 's my favorite too : ) . ~ Organic brownie mixes are awesome with homemade chocolate icing , and you don 't have to worry about feeling guilty for feeding your child a bunch of crap . ~ Chickens stink , a lot , you can 't make it not smell no matter how often you clean them . Also , they poop a lot , and by a lot I mean constantly ! ~ Apparently getting more and / or better sleep makes you more tired than you were before . I am SO , SO tired . I need a nap in the worst way , but still many hours before Paul goes to sleep . ~ Three year olds apparently don 't have ears , or at least can 't hear or listen . Posted by I was trying to work on a chocolate frosting for some organic brownies I was making ( they were EXCELLENT ! and no junk in them , not even soy ! :) ) . I was stirring so I couldn 't hold Dolores ( and being selfish for not just putting her in the mei tai ) . She started crying and I was telling her that I 'd be there as soon as I was done . Paul got off the counter , went over to her and started rubbing her tummy . The conversation we had : P - I 'm trying to calm her down me - thank you Paul P - I covering her , she 's cold me - thank you Paul , can you sit next to her , maybe she 's lonely ? P - okay ( and he goes and sits next to her , and starts rubbing her tummy , she stopped crying when he had first gone over to her ) He then gives her a kiss me - aw , did you give her a kiss ? That was nice of you . P - yes , I kiss her , trying to calm her down . I going to get my dump truck for her to hold me - she might like that ( she starts fussing when he gets up ) me - I think she would rather you sit with her ( me not knowing that she had straightened her legs out ) P - ( he goes back to sit next to her and she starts screaming loudly , he gets down and covers his ears ) She 's scream her head off . me - ( I go to check her and realize that he had sat on her legs , and pick her up ) . It was super cute . I didn 't even ask him to go to her , he just did . Giving her a kiss was the best ! He was very happy with the brownies too ! I 'm so glad to have found some brownies / cake mixes that are just like I 'd make at home ! Sometimes I just like the quick way , and now I don 't have to feel guilty feeding Paul junk ! Posted by Today is just one of those days . I 'm so tired today , which of course makes everything else harder to deal with . Got some bad news about one of our cats . I don 't know yet what we are going to do regarding that . I 'm tired of the chickens in the house . SO , SO tired of it . They are not pets ! And they are SO incredibly messy . Plus the big feeder and waterer won 't work in their current cage , so I am feeding them and watering them twice a day . SO done . They can not go outside soon enough in my mind ! Lack of patience , I hate being short with the kids , it really bothers me . I also have to get up tomorrow morning , that always puts me in a mood . Hate lost sleep . Paul will have fun though , and I 'll get to see my sister , haven 't seen her in awhile , that 'll be nice . Some other things , but since I don 't really know who 's reading , I won 't get into it . Blah ! Posted by I have a few to share and some thoughts about pictures online in general . This blog saves all pictures I post to an album on Picasa . If someone looks at them on Picasa , they can not copy them , but if they look at my blog I am pretty sure they can . That kind of freaks me out , so I 'm not sure if I will continue to post pictures , or if I 'll just post links to pictures on the album . We 'll see . The same thing happens on facebook too . That scares me . I have the settings at only friends , and really , I don 't care if family wants a picture . I 'd just prefer they ask first . So I just need to address that separately . Any thoughts on online security of photos ? Besides not sharing ? Would you still look at pictures if you had to click a link to get to them ? I wouldn 't password protect it , though I have thought about it . Now for the pictures . Chip took this of Paul while he was sitting on his lap . You can really see his nice hair cut : ) Is that not the cutest picture ever of her ? My friend Mary got her an outfit set that had this hat , it is so cute on her ! Posted by With Paul , when he got to be about 7 months old , I started to notice that he was crazy fussy , and it seemed to be linked to the caffeine I drank . I was also drinking a lot of soda then , so that seemed like a good link to draw . So out the soda / caffeine went and he started sleeping again . Now Dolores was seeming to be like that , so I thought I 'd try it again , and it 's working . She will now take an actual nap , sometimes two : ) . Like , I can leave her asleep and she 'll actually stay asleep for more than 20 minutes . It 's great ! Now I know what I 'll get if I drink caffeine . Posted by I have been staying up for a few hours after the kids go to sleep . I just waste time online . It 's been bugging me because I don 't actually DO anything when I 'm online , just read and look , I think that 's a waste of time . So today I thought I 'd refocus myself . For me the internet if for connecting , how much connecting am I doing if I 'm not actually replying , posting and such ? None . So I worked on writing a few emails and actually concentrating my energy toward things that I will be able to help with the most and also that will help me the most . Also , I figured if I 'm going to lose sleep then I should do something that actually will make me sleep better and wake up in a better mood . So I took the first 30 minutes to listen to some Pandora ( Ben Folds station ) . I picked up the toys , even from under things , picked up trash , emptied the dishwasher and let the dogs out . Now just a few odds and ends online . I think I 'll sleep well tonight ! Now I 'm finishing up this post while Dolores coos at herself as she woke up , which was fine , she needed a new diaper , and that always wakes her up . Of course she is so different than Paul regarding sleep ! That 's another post , maybe for tomorrow ! Posted by It has been kind of a rough week for me . Something about Paul 's birthday . It brought me back to his birth . I haven 't even written a birth story for him , I can 't , and definietly couldn 't at the time . For those of you who aren 't into birth , you might not get this . I really thought that the wonderful , healing , powerful birth of Dolores that it wouldn 't matter to me anymore about Paul 's birth , but if anything , it matters more . I feel so betrayed . I feel like I lost something with him that I can and never will get back . Some so special was stolen from me . Yes , in the long run , birth is such a small , small part of a babe 's life , and the fact that he is healthy and wonderful little boy that he is should be enough . Maybe it 's just to close to my heart I don 't know . On the other side of this coin , you have Dolores , who is really blossoming ! ( more on that later ) But I have so much guilt with her . I think she cries too much because of me . Because I have to finish something and she wakes up or needs to eat or just doesn 't want to sit on the couch alone . I am so afraid of ruining her . This stems from things that I can 't get onto here because I don 't know who reads . Just a lot of guilt ! Now for Dolores ' blossoming . She has starting talking up a storm , just babbling to herself for long periods of time . Last week she didn 't want anything to do with being on her tummy , and now she will lay there for a long time , with her head up ( like she 's on her elbows ) and watch whatever is going on . Grabbing around at things , not really playing with them yet , just watching them and kind of realizing that yes her hands can and do hold things . Paul has been getting so grown up . I don 't know if it 's just the hair cut or what . He 's no longer a baby or even a toddler . I hate to call him a preschooler because , well he doesn 't / won 't go to preschool , but I guess that 's what they call this age . He is talking / using so many words . He can tell stories and he 's even using his imagination some , which I think isJulie Today Paul is 3 . That seems to big and old , but to me , Paul is still a baby ! Paul is a talker , he loves to talk and can do so very well . I was just reminded of that today , he can pretty much say anything he wants . It has been amazing watching him grow and learn . He is a pleasure . Yes , there are hard times with him , but overall , he is a pleasure to be around . He 's sensitive and very smart , doesn 't like to be the center of attention , but also at times likes to be a ham . He will not perform for anyone ! Don 't ask him to recite he 'll just totally shut down . Feel very blessed to be his mom and to have him around , doesn 't seem like it 's been three years , yet at the same time , it seems as though there was never a time he wasn 't here . I just measured him , he joyfully complied ! : ) he 's 35 . 5 inches tall , so if the thought that you are a half inch taller in the morning is true , then he 's 36 inches tall and 36 months old , kind of cool ! : ) Taken last night , to show his hair cut . He looks so grown up here . The cake coming out . Also my dad holding Dolores , Chip and my mom with the cake . He 's covering his face because we are signing to him . Blowing out the candles . Licking the icing off the candles . Posted by Paul 's new thing is to make a ' farm ' or fence for Pepper . Pepper is a very good dog about this and will actully stay because Paul wants her too . Even if she can get out . Sometimes Pepper is a cow , and other times she 's a horse , normally she 's a cow . These are pictures from two different farms he made for her . Really enjoying this windows live writer . It makes posting to the blog so MUCH easier . And I like it better than the interface that blogger has . Posting pictures is much easier as well . I really miss Firefox . I have tried so hard to like Internet Explorer 8 , trying to keep this computer running smooth and fast , and not wanting to add more stuff , but I think I am going to have to cave on this . I can 't wait for my glasses to be ready , so tired of having a headache often and not really being able to read . The computer isn 't causing much problems , which I find odd , but reading books , even reading to Paul , causes a headache . I 'm trying to not drink caffeine for a few days because I think it 's causing Dolores ' fussiness . I think it was about this time with Paul that I realized the same thing . We 'll see , not the best thing to give up when already dealing with headaches ! : ) Posted by ( this was totally out of the blue , so it was pretty amazing to me ! ) While pointing to his chest , asking what his nipple was , he said " Jesus put it there ? " I said yes , ( Paul identifies all things God related with Jesus because he sees Jesus on the crucifix ) . Then these are the statements he made . Jesus put me together ( me answering yes ) Jesus put my feet togetherJesus put my head togetherJesus put her head together ( pointing to Dolores ' head ) Then he pointed to the computer and asked if Jesus put it together , I said that He didn 't , but that He gave the people who made it the ability to do so . Very proud mama right now ! Posted by So I was poking around the new computer , and there was a link to write a blog , I clicked just to see what it did . Had an option to add your blog so you could just post from the desktop . Just trying it out to see how it goes and if it posts / looks the same when I post from here . Kind of a neat idea ! Just playing around to see how it works , can ignore the post : ) . So far this is looking easier to work with than blogger ! Had a heck of a time earlier getting the pictures right . Posted by This was the middle roll . I got them mixed up . Three and a half months old . Had to include this one because of the pudgy little rolls ! He must have liked being on his tummy more than I recall , Dolores wants nothing to do with it ! Maybe when she rolls over ? : ) Three and a half months old , and Coby Jr . cuddling with him . Love this one , staring right at the camera . Almost four months old Sitting at a little over four months First camping trip , five months old and one of the hottest July 's I recall . Sitting with Daddy and the bear at Bass Pro Shops in Springfield , MO . About four and a half months old , wearing 12 month clothesFive months old , look at all the rolls ! We have these film pictures from three years ago ( some closer to two and a half years ) . It was so neat to see Paul at Dolores ' age , he was so BIG compared to her ! At four months he was over 20 pounds , she 's around 14 . Those six pounds make a huge difference ! I have two more disks to go though , so there will be more pictures to come : ) . a month and a half . Wanted to remember how small his hands where About two and a half months here . We are at a state park hiking trail . He looks as big as Dolores is now ( she 's about 4 months old ) . Sleeping , two and a half months old . He always slept kind of over like that Dolores is more a back sleeper . First baseball game , Kansas City Royals : ) . My mom is holding him , and that 's my dad 's hand . Staring at Daddy , at about three months old . This is Coby and Furball , who is Coby 's son . Furball is the biggest cat I have ever seen , huge , here he 's five months old and smaller than Coby . Coby was a very good cat dad . Here are the other two kittens who Coby fathered , Coby Jr . and Moonshine . Again , the kittens are about five months old . Sometimes I miss only having five cats , honest confessions ! : ) Haven 't been very good at blogging lately , been pretty busy and just super stressed , my own doing ! : ) Trying to refocus on priorities . Had really been struggling with motherhood and things like gentle disciple and attachment parenting . Mostly in short I was being lazy ! Maybe it was more overwhelmed , I 'm not sure . All I know is I 've been more attentive and less stressed and I 'm sitting around a lot more ! So I have a lot of AP mama guilt about Dolores and her crying . She cries a lot , more than I recall Paul crying . I feel like it 's my fault because I can 't always get to her . It 's frustrating . I wish I could find a better balance . It really has more to do with fully embracing motherhood and giving up * my * thinking . Priorities , priorities . A little about the kids lately . Paul is learning leaps and bounds . I have to be honest , at times I was a little leery of unschooling , but Paul really is teaching us that he can learn what he needs to learn , even if it is on his time , not ours or what the ' world ' says is right . He picks up things everywhere . The other day , the first day I had my new computer ( more on that later in this post ) , I was sitting on the couch and he was looking at the keyboard , I was telling him he couldn 't touch the keys , and he was pointing to the ' w ' and said ' w ' . I was just so amazed ! How in the world he figured that out I don 't know , but he did . He often asks when reading stories what a word is , and sometimes also wants to know each letter , so that must be where he got it . Dolores is about 16 weeks old , getting close to four months old . She is laughing , and enjoying that . She still has to stumble upon it , but once she finds it , she really enjoys it : ) . Grabbing at lots of things and trying to wiggle herself around to see things , watch Paul or the dogs / cats . No rolling , and I never do the tummy time thing since she hated it as a small baby , so I don 't think she can do that yet . I think I 'll try more tomorrow in the morning when she 's her happiest . She sleeps decently . Was sleeping for several hours at thePosted by I am a stay at home wife and mother of two , Paul and Dolores . We also have a lot of cats and dogs . It can get a little crazy here ! " How can it be a large career to tell other people 's children about the Rule of Three , and a small career to tell one 's own children about the universe ? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone , and narrow to be everything to someone ? No . A woman 's function is laborious , but because it is gigantic , not because it is minute . I will pity Mrs . Jones for the hugeness of her task ; I will never pity her for its smallness . " - G . K . Chesterton
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Invest wisely and for the long term . Invest in yourself and not just in the market . While sometimes you need to be frugal to save funds to invest , at other times , spending more money in the short term will yield more valuable long - term results . Think about major decisions , THEN make saving for them automatic . Creating good financial habits and systems is key to success . The goal is not to die with the most money , but to live a full , meaningful , and satisfying life ! 1 . Job performance . Technical mastery - - I 'll be continuing to study for the CFP exam , targeting the November exam cycle . I have six more online classes to complete plus an exam review . Additionally , I want to feel that I have attained full mastery of all systems and software at my new position by the end of Q1 . I 'm making it a goal to complete assignments at least two days before they are due , to give myself time for self - review . I want to try getting in to work half an hour early and leaving work on time , rather than getting in just - on - time and staying an hour or more after everyone else is gone . 2 . Take care of myself . Eat healthily ( this includes an emphasis on whole foods and preparing my meals in advance ) , exercise consistently ( aim for 10 , 000 steps a day and at least two strength training sessions a week ) , sleep enough , and make time to de - stress with a daily meditation session ( or two ) . I also need to find a new primary care physican and work on increasing energy . 3 . Get my house ( including my financial house ) in order . For 2017 that means hiring out some of this as well as doing some myself . I am targeting a big push for Q2 of the year . I also want to get estate documents in place and get a passport this year . Not steadily downward - - I left teaching in late 2009 and was underemployed for over 4 years and unemployed for 7 months of 2014 , hence the upticks . I include here both mortgage debt ( at $ 64 , 400 as of January 2017 ) and loans and credit cards . I plan to pay off the non - mortgage debt by the end of 2019 , then increase the mortgage payments to pay that off by 2024 ( 8 years early ) . Also , as I get rid of the non - mortgage debt , I 'd also like to start building funds in a taxable investment account , with the goal of having enough savings to cover two years of expenses post - retirement . I just returned from a week in Las Vegas at a conference . I 've driven through the city once before on a road trip , at night , but we didn 't stop then . This time I saw a tiny bit more , but not the full tourist experience . The conference was at the MGM Grand , and I stayed at the Signature Towers at the MGM right next door . The Signature is newer , less flashy , cheaper , and quieter , so I 'd recommend it if you go . It 's not a budget hotel - - there are plenty cheaper , but it does have kitchenettes so you can economize on meals . I had all good intentions of doing so , but I was so wiped out after the first couple of days that I ate out as the quickest way to a meal and bed . And then after that , I connected with a Chicago - based financial planner and her friends , so I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to network and ask questions of other planners more experienced than me , so I ended up going out to dinner every night after all . The conference provided breakfast and lunch at least . It was good to get away but not in the least restful . This week is busy , but so far July is looking really slow for me . I 'm happy to see that because May was overly busy , with almost twice the number of client meetings to prepare for as is typical . I 'm behind on my meeting follow - ups , so a slow month will give me a chance to catch up , and possibly take a few days off to just rest . I had written a blog entry or two about wanting to get away in the spring but I never did , so maybe next month I will . And I see on here that my " Blogoversary " will be in 5 days . Since I post on here relatively rarely , I 'll make note of that now . Posted in Uncategorized But when I looked at their schedule for this year , I see that they aren 't taking reservations , citing health reasons . I 'm sorry to hear that one of the owners is ill , and sorry that my nice little weekend getaway is now most likely out of business . So I began looking at Air B & B places and thought I 'd ask about people 's experiences with them . Of course , it 's going to vary a lot based on the particular place you stay . I only have ever had conversations with two people about their Air B & B experience . Posted in Uncategorized We just had the first CostCo open up locally back a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving . Since November was when I started my new job , this weekend was my first chance to go and check it out . It 's over the other side of the valley , further than I usually drive on my weekly errands - - a little bit of a distance but not too far - - about 20 minutes , while most of my weekly errands are done within a 15 - minute radius of home . ( The nearest CostCo otherwise is about 50 minutes away . ) I went over to CostCo when they opened , but I was out 20 minutes later . I just didn 't see the big deal . It looked just like the Sam 's Club and BJ 's that are a lot closer to me , with perhaps slightly higher quality merchandise in some areas . Certainly nothing that on the face of it would entice me to buy a membership or shop there regularly . The trip wasn 't a waste - - there 's also a Nordstrom Rack and I picked up a dress and a sweater for work for less than $ 50 , and I went back to Whole Foods and did my weekly shop there instead of the usual Wegman 's run . ( Whole Paycheck , indeed ! ) So right at the moment , I can 't see myself driving out there to go to CostCo again , but I can see myself going and checking out Nordstrom Rack and buying a few novelty groceries at Whole Foods maybe 2 or 3 times a year . Other than that , mostly it 's been a quiet weekend - - potluck at my congregation Friday night , then went to see two movies at the local independent cinema yesterday plus will go to another one tonight . Yesterday both movies I went to with a friend . We met to see " Lion " in the late afternoon ( worth seeing ) . While we were there , they announced that they were giving away passes for a free showing of " 1984 " for a later night showing , so we went back later . Today 's film is a one - night showing of " A Better Life : An Exploration of a LIfe of Happiness & Joy in a World without God " about atheist philosophy ( with the director in attendance for an after - movie discussion ) . I still have to update my sidebar column ( I 'll incorporate it into the Feb 1 rating ) , but I took my required minimum distribution from my inherited IRA and used it to pay down a big chunk on my HELOC . This brings the current debt total to $ 88 , 360 - - which is close to what it was when I started tracking on networthiq . com back in 2009 before leaving teaching . In 2009 , I left my career of 20 years , followed by a 5 year transitional period during which I at first could only find temporary or part - time work and during which I was traveling back and forth across the country a lot because my mother was terminally ill ( 2010 - 2011 ) and I also lost / was dealing with serious ill pets ( Henry , ill August 2009 - May 2010 , Phoebe , died March 2011 , Teddy , diagnosed with the illness that he died of in January 2014 in November 2011 ) . That period of high expenses during a period of low and uncertain income did a number on my debt which I am still struggling to deal with . Back in July 2009 , right at the time I left teaching , my debt was at 87 , 342 , its all time low since buying my house . At that 87 , 342 was almost all mortgage debt and a smallish credit card bill . One month later , Henry was diagnosed with cancer and the descent into debt began . Now I 'm down to 88 , 360 , of which 64 , 400 is the mortgage and the rest is still paying down the accumulated medical and extra living expenses from those tenuous years . 11K is on the HELOC and 11 , 400 is on a loan against my 403b . So the non - mortgage piece is finally significantly below 30K . It will probably take me another couple of years to pay off the non - mortgage piece , by which time the mortgage should be down to 55K , which I can easily pay off before I turn 65 . Quiet here , as usual . My congregation 's Hanukkah party was last night but they moved it from its usual place ( at the synogogue ) to the house of the person who does most of the cooking , which is a ways out , so I didn 't go . I can do either dark or wet or unfamiliar but I get scared if I have to drive any combination of those , and last night was a bit of all three , so I stayed home . But I heard they had a good turnout , so that 's good - - and the family that hosted had a couple of members in the hospital for various things around Thanksgiving , so I don 't mind that they changed the location to make it easier on themselves . Brunch was nice , although there was a bit of a pall over it because her dog Sammy has cancer and we don 't know how much longer it will be . He seemed perky when I arrived and then again when we went for a walk before I left , but otherwise he just slept , more so than he used to . My friend lost her 6 year old grandson to cancer about 5 years ago , so this has triggered a lot of the same emotions in her again and she has been quite down . But the morning was pleasant enough . Other than that , it was sunny and fairly pleasant ( about 47 degrees ) this afternoon , so I took a long walk around the neighborhood for the first time since we turned the clocks back the beginning of November . And I have yet to talk to my sister and open my gift from her , which arrived in 5 separate packages ( actually , I have 4 so far and the final one arrives tomorrow ) . . . very mysterious and my sister has been having fun keeping tabs on how many packages have arrived , so that is something still to look forward to . I had never heard of such a thing before , but came across the term in my reading and discovered there is in fact such a thing . One company that offers it ( not sure how many do ) is called Income Assure . This is something I would be tempted to do , or at least research more intensively , but alas , I don 't and won 't qualify . You cannot have been unemployed within the past two years ( which won 't be true of me until December ) and the company you work for has to have at least 20 employees ( which won 't ever be true of my company ) . Also it only applies to W - 2 employees , which is currently true of me . But with luck and some growth in the company , I could eventually be offered a small ownership stake and would get my earnings reported on a K - 1 . That 's still a couple of years down the road , though . Still , supplemental unemployment insurance would be something I would check into if my circumstances were different . At least I finally got a good * disability * policy by joining a professional association . None is offered thru work . Lower quality benefits is a downside of working for a smaller employer . But on the positive side , we also don 't have bureaucracy ourselves , only with the institutions we deal with . Posted in Uncategorized This is the second time that PS and I have met in person . The first time was five years ago , when I was driving home from a cousin 's Massachusetts wedding . We 've known each other through this site for about ten years , though , and we are of similar age and demographic , and we 've had career and personal ups and downs that are similar to each other , so this was a nice chance to chat more personally than one does on a public website . We met up yesterday around noon at the B & B , an old house sitting along the Delaware River at the PA / NY border . Unfortunately yesterday 's weather was gray and gloomy , which constrained our activities , but left plenty of time for conversation . After spending an hour drinking tea while sitting out on the front porch , we asked the Innkeeper for a lunch restaurant recommendation in the artsy town of Narrowsburg NY . The restaurant was very nice and the town was interesting , but because it was still the weekend BEFORE Memorial Day , at least half of the stores , including the relatively " big " arts center in the town , were closed - - as was the riverside restaurant we had originally planned on for dinner . We ended up at an adequate Italian place ( more pizzeria than restaurant ) which we felt we could easily find our way home from in the dark along the narrow , not particularly well - marked roads in this sleepy part of New York state . This morning , we were running at different speeds - - something that could be predicted by looking at our typical weekend blog entries on this site . PS 's are full of things that she 's done during the day , while mine are , admittedly , boring , since I am all about sitting , reading , and reflecting and not so much about acting , when I have some time to myself . After a lovely breakfast at the Inn , we decided to check out and tag - team drive to a town 20 miles away and tour Gray Towers , the home of US Forest Service founder , conservationist , and two - time PA Governor Gifford Pinochet . We wandered around there for about an hour or so before going our separate ways . Our conversation during the day we spent together was more personal than our blogs here , focusing more on details of our personal and relationship histories and less on the financial . No surprises - - I think we both tend towards the reserved - yet - open . Just a chance to get to know each other a bit better than is possible online in a public forum . If we do such a trip again , we should schedule it for a more likely to be sunny time , when we might be more likely to be able to do something like kayak ( something which I won 't do on my own , but enjoy doing with friends ) . And while it was lovely that nothing was crowded , also going before Memorial Day meant that many things were closed . Posted in Uncategorized In total lifetime earnings , that is . Not savings , not by a long shot ! I just went on Social Security . gov and downloaded my lifetime earnings . Adding to that this year 's salary and I finally will reach one million earned so far in this lifetime in 2016 . That 's what comes of delaying my earning years pretty much until age 30 ( 29 , actually ) , by virtue of the better part of a decade of grad school and post - doc work . It will still take me another 2 years or so to get to half a million net worth , and if I want to have a million in the kitty when I retire , I 'll have to work until 70 and have reasonable luck with the markets . Hoping I can maintain the good health to keep working another 15 years ! Posted in Uncategorized Yesterday was my one year anniversary at my new job . So far , so good ! Absolutely loving what I do - - which is not to say that it is a low - stress job . In fact , we are coming up on the highest - stress time of year for me . I am now the tax planner at a financial advisory firm and year - end is when you can do the most ( and most good , hopefully ) , so it will be a busy few weeks for me . Then things continue busy until after April 15 , but not nearly as busy as in a CPA firm ! Since I knew year end would be stressful , I took a weekend in October and went to a bed and breakfast again . Very enjoyable . ( Patientsaver , if you read this , this is the one that I had mentioned to you via email . ) I was really in the mood to mostly sit and read and write ( and take a few walks ) , but I did force myself out on one sight - seeing expedition : to the Museum at Bethel Woods , which commemorates the Woodstock Festival ( which was actually held in Bethel , NY , not Woodstock ) . I bought a mood ring as a memento - - had one back in the 60s , too . In other happenings : I 've now been going to the gym regularly for 5 months . I definitely feel better and look a * little * better , but weight loss progress is slow - - about a pound a month . And it 's not something I 'm going to stress myself out going into busy season . The gym has a holiday deal , which I will go in on : give them an extra $ 25 next week and weigh in , then weigh in again the first week of January . Maintain your weight or lose over the holidays and you get your $ 25 back . But gain and your money goes into the pot to be split between the top male and the top female loser ( in terms of body fat percent ) . Who couldn 't use a little extra incentive to keep on track over the holidays ? And I took out a HELOC ( home equity line of credit ) last month on my 10 month anniversary of buying my home . I had some work done on my roof , and in the spring , I need some professional landscaping to restore the area damaged by digging to repair a broken sewer pipe a couple of years ago and to repaint my house , but mostly I am using it to pay down the personal loan I took out earlier this year , since the HELOC is at a better rate . I still will have about 23K in debt to get rid of in the next year & a half before I do any interior cosmetic changes ( the kitchen and bath both really could use a refresh ) , but it 's nice to have a bit more liquidity there should I need it . I 'm hoping to feel enough ahead of the game next week to be able to take off the day before and after Thanksgiving ( as well as Thanksgiving itself , of course ) to give myself some uninterupted time at home to work on decluttering and home organization . That is the goal for the year that I have made the least progress on , and I 'd like to keep the needle moving on all five fronts . After that , I 'll be working through to year end , with Christmas and New Year 's Days off , and half - days on the eves of those two holidays . In 2015 , virtually all my time off was in the second half of the year - - I had one sick day in February , and I took off the day after Memorial Day , but all the rest of my time off was July or after . Next year , I 'll try to balance it a bit more evenly throughout the year , leaving time again for a one - week vacation in the summer . Next year will probably be to Los Angeles , my hometown , as it is four years ago on Thanksgiving since I saw my sister , who has been having a bit of a rough time herself , so she has not been traveling either . Posted in Uncategorized I 've only been at the job eight months , but the boss likes to keep everything on the same schedule for everyone , and July / August is a slow time for the business and most vacations are in August , so July for salary review it was . The boss said that they made the " right choice " in hiring me , that my strong points and my weak points are just as he anticipated when hiring me , with the weak point being getting me integrated into the Team , who have worked together for several years . . . I am the only new person in a group of 5 , the last of whom joined about a decade ago . And I tend to be self - sufficient and reluctant to ask for help , and the rest of the Team hasn 't really gone out of their way to get me up to speed , so it 's something to work on on both sides . But generally , he is pleased with my progress , said that he hopes I finish my career with the company , and that he regards me as the firm 's greatest " untapped asset , " so all that is good . And I have a $ 2 , 500 / year salary increase as of August 1 . All in all , a good result . Posted in Uncategorized 1 . If you received a subsidy this year that was directly paid to your insurance company , you MUST have your return filed by April 15th . No extensions - - not even if you are missing crucial information like K - 1s from partnerships etc . Your preparer will have to make a good faith estimate , note the number under question in a statement attached to the return , and file an amended return if needed . The IRS needs the return in order to calculate whether you received too much subsidy and need to return the advance payments , or whether you received too little and get a refund . 2 . This January ( or actually , for 2015 , February 2 ) and every year henceforward , you ( EVERYONE , not just people buying care off the exchanges ) will receive a new tax information form to be brought to your return preparer with information about your health insurance . Most of these forms are numbered 1095 with a letter indicating whether the insurance was purchased through your employer or from other sources . Your preparer cannot file your tax return until you have your information form , so tax season will be delayed and abbreviated this season . Expect very harried tax preparers especially as tax season progresses . Also because of the additional work required to reconcile the information , potentially up to an additional hour per return , especially if your insurance changed during the year or if you had a coverage gap during the year , expect tax return costs to go up this year . On the other hand , you are much more likely to be able to avoid or minimize penalties if you are using a qualified tax preparer - - and especially if you have a tax planning meeting before year end - - so the value provided in return for the fee only increases . But if you are focused only on the cost , it will probably go up more than usual this year . 3 . If your income changed during the year in any substantial way from the way you estimated it last year when signing up on the exchange , you should have gone on to healthcare . gov or your state exchange and updated your information during the year . Especially if your income went up substantially , you could lose the subsidy and have to repay it - - even if your modified AGI was just one dollar over the limit for your filing status . 4 . If you chose to remain uninsured this year , you will owe a penalty . The MINIMUM penalties rates are relatively low this year ( the $ 95 Single minimum penalty number has been much bandied about ) and will rise steeply over the course of the next two years , but if your income was a middle class income and you went uninsured , your penalty could be quite steep - - up to 1 % of income this year ( going up to 2 . 5 % by 2016 ) , and capped for this year at $ 9800 ( the national average price of a bronze plan for a family ) . Some taxpayers are going to be in for a nasty surprise . 5 . Now here is something that I heard from a trustworthy source but which I find a little bit unbelievable , so take this with a grain of salt until I can find the IRS Regulation that governs it or else get my 2015 software installed and see it for myself : according to the lawyer who taught our update class , if you owe a penalty and have a balance due on your tax return , as opposed to a refund , you will not be assessed an extra payment for the penalty - - they will be taking the penalty payments from tax refunds and will just wait until you have a tax refund year and take the money then . Again , I need to see this in writing before I believe it . UPDATE : Apparently , it 's better to say that you WILL be assessed the penalty but they won 't go after you if you fail to pay it and have a balance due . They 'll just wait until you do have a tax refund year and grab the penalty then . Interest and penalties will continue to accrue until the penalty is paid . I still need to find the discussion of this in the Regs - - I do like to be able to cite my sources . 6 . The subsidies are now under Supreme Court challenge for those of us who receive the subsidy from Healthcare . gov , as opposed to from a state exchange . The Supreme Court on Friday accepted the King v . Burwell case , which challenges the legitimacy of subsidies received from the federal as opposed to the state exchange , since the governing law refers to " State " subsidies . Two different Circuit Courts decided differently on this issue , hence the Supreme Court acceptance of the challenge . TBD by June - yet another way the Right is trying to make the Affordable Care Act go away . Two - thirds of people would lose their subsidies if the word " State " is interpreted in the narrow rather than in the broad sense , making insurance unaffordable for them and effectively undermining the law . The first had to do with my career . I started the year having been at a temp job for 7 months , hoping that it would turn permanent , which would have provided a nice salary and benefits and reasonably good job security and interesting enough work . This was not to be . By year 's end I left the company and found a tax season position at a CPA firm . Although I had interviewed for four permanent jobs , I didn 't land any of those , losing out in each case to someone coming directly from a CPA firm and with a bit more experience in public . I 'm hoping that , with one more busy season under my belt and the CPA and EA in hand ( EA arrived in December and I expect the CPA to be final in January ) and a CPA firm back atop my resume , that I 'll finally get the permanent job I seek . The second door that is closing in the near future is the door on my dear Teddy cat 's life . He was diagnosed over two years ago as being in Stage Four kidney failure and given a prognosis then of 6 months to a year . He was started on a medication a few months in that greatly improved his condition , but he developed antibodies to that this past summer and had to be taken off of it . He stayed stable through the summer ( when he was spending lots of time outdoors ) , but as the weather cooled , he began to fade . He has been going downhill quite rapidly since Thanksgiving and is now in the phase where every day I ask myself : is he eating ? can I get him to purr ? is he suffering ? and I expect to lose him in the next week or so . . . . there are no overt signs that he is suffering but his purrs are getting quite rare . When he passes , this ends a nearly five year " hospice " period that started in August 2009 when my Henry Hound was diagnosed with cancer . I lost Henry in 2010 , my mother in 2011 , my Phoebe cat in 2012 , and Teddy any day now . It will be a relief to have this dark period of continual losses behind me . 1 . On the job / career front : Making progress , but I am still seeking the " Holy Grail " of the full - time salaried job with benefits . Back in April , around the one - year mark at my temp job , I was told that it would not become permanent . Job - hunting time in my field peaks in Sept - Nov , so I had not applied for any jobs last year at this time in the hopes that the temp job would become permanent . Of course , I was disappointed not to get the permanent position , but I 'm fine with it now . After some soul - searching , I realized that the private - company job , while intellectually challenging , doesn 't give me any client interaction . The only interaction I have is with other team members , and that is actually pretty limited - - maybe one meeting a week and one group lunch a month , and often less than that . I want the opportunity not only for the increased social stimulation , but for the chance to make use of my psychology background . So now I am job - hunting again , looking to get back to a smallish public accounting firm ( 2 - 6 partners ) . I had two interviews with one firm back in July & August , but lost out to someone with more experience . Now I have two interviews with two different firms coming up this week . I have also gotten a decent grasp of business taxes and have passed the two hardest ( of three ) Enrolled Agent exams , so I expect to add that certification later this year , too . 2 . I hired a personal trainer for 5 sessions in September & October to help me get started on getting back into shape . I 'll pay for more sessions once I land the " Holy Grail " job , but at least I 'm going to the gym again now . The job I 've been at disrupted my old regular exercise routine , and I 'm hoping this fall both to find a new job and along with it , start a new routine that gets me out & exercising first thing in the morning . I bought one of those " sunrise " alarm clocks and that is helping get me out of bed earlier as our sunrises occur later and later . I 've also meditated fairly regularly ( the free " Insight Timer " kindle app has been a great help ) and I 've been pretty consistent with a vegetarian / vegan diet , but I haven 't worked hard enough at it to lose any weight . 3 . I 've had a decent enough social life , mostly with my congregation and secondarily with the vegetarian pot luck club that I joined a year ago . A friend came to visit for a long weekend over the summer , and I had one day - trip ride with friends along the Delaware River on my birthday , but otherwise , my free time has been at home , where I have spent loads of time sitting in the backyard , reading and studying , with my cat , Teddy . Teddy was diagnosed nearly two years ago with chronic renal failure , and back in April 2012 , he was put on a medication that greatly helped his condition . He developed antibodies to that medication in May and was taken off of it June 1st . At that point I kind of expected that he would go rapidly downhill again and that I would lose him over the summer , but it 's been a much slower process than I thought , so he is still with me . We celebrated 10 years together just this week . I still don 't know if he 'll make it to the new year , but now I at least think that 's within the scope of possibility . Spending most of my free time with him has meant , however , that I don 't do any traveling . I 've had the " new " car over a year now and the furthest I 've driven it has been about 70 miles away . 4 . For the rest of the year , other than getting a new job and getting settled with that , I am hoping to finally turn my attention to getting my house in some order . I am praying that I am able to take two weeks between finishing at my temp job and starting the new gig , whatever that turns out to be . During the past year , I had 4 - day weekends for Thanksgiving , Christmas , and New Years , and 3 day weekends for Easter , Memorial Day , Independence Day , and Labor Day , and that 's IT for time off - - except for 2 sick days and 2 home repair days ( which was time off I didn 't get paid for - - no personal time off on a temp gig ) . Saturdays are eaten up with commitments - - vet appointments for Teddy , a 4 hour Enrolled Agent review class , and my personal training appointments , and Sundays are when I get to do laundry , go grocery shopping , If you look at my goals for the past 3 years over on the sidebar , you 'll see that I 've just been repeating the same themes ( essentially since I left my old career in 2009 ) . I 'm hoping to move on to the next stage with some of these by 2014 . Posted in Uncategorized I ordered a birthday present for myself today - - a new car ! The only more costly thing I 've purchased is my house . ( Well , my education cost more , in toto , but I was basically a scholarship student , so most of the money for my education didn 't come out of my own pocket . ) I never really expected to buy a brand - new car , and certainly have never done so before . Each car that I 've owned I 've bought used , and and coincidentally , each has had a 14 - year lifespan : the 1978 Volvo , purchased with nearly 100K at age 10 that I got rid of in 1992 due to too much rust ; the 1988 Toyota Corolla All - Trac Station Wagon that I bought at about 4 years old with 70K that the insurance company totaled for me in 2002 after I was hit by a soccer mom who was paying more attention to her son in the back seat than the highway she was pulling out onto ; and now the 1998 Subaru Forester , also bought at age 4 with 47K , that I am getting rid of because it has already cost me twice its remaining value in repairs this year , and I know of at least $ 1000 more worth of repairs that need to be done . I love the car , and would keep it , but it also so happens that we are beginning to close out my mom 's estate and I have enough of a windfall to pay for it in full . My Forester has had so many repairs since the beginning of the year that I 've reserved it purely for going to work and doing the weekly grocery shopping . With a new car , I 'll look forward to taking a road trip sometime this fall . A friend owns a cabin in the Adirondacks that she is always inviting me to , and this year , after all the stresses of the past few years ( the career change with long bouts of unemployment , and losing my mom and two of my three pets ) , I 'd really love to take another weekend away ( I went to a family wedding near Boston last September , and that was my first vacation in years . . . I 'd so love another short one this year ) . My birthday comes in 3 weeks , and the car should be here between the 15th and the 28th , so hopefully by my birthday , and if not , very shortly thereafter ! Posted in Uncategorized Around the beginning of the year , I decided to refinance my house . I did look around at rates and found that I could get as low as 3 . 75 % for a 20 - year mortgages , but I actually ended up with a 4 % loan , staying with my current mortgage company ( and bank ) , Wells Fargo . They waived all the closing costs so it was actually cheaper this way . So I cut my rate from 5 . 875 % to 4 % , and I cut my loan term from 24 years remaining on a 30 - year mortgage to a 20 - year mortgage , and I * still * will save about $ 50 / month on the payment - - pretty sweet . This weekend was a quiet one ( most are ) . It snowed yesterday , so I stayed in and spent much of the day reading . Today I spent reviewing my notes from a year ago on doing S - Corp returns . Now that I 'm actually DOING them , things make more sense . I also did a fair amount of cooking over the weekend . . . trying to make sure that I have food prepared for the coming week , because I 'm very unlikely to cook mid - week . Yesterday , I made a nice tofu - veggie stirfry that I served over Kashi pilaf for lunch , and turkey burgers for dinner . Today , I roasted a butternut squash and cooked up a pound of swiss chard and made baked apples ( plus had one of the turkey burgers ) for lunch , and made a big pot of " stuffed cabbage soup " ( similar ingredients to stuffed cabbage . , just in soup form ) for dinner . We 've finally turned the corner on mornings getting light earlier ( though still it 's well after 7 before the sun is really out ) , and it 's staying light til after 5 . The dark is really making me feel sleepy early this year , and I 'm just not productive once it 's dark . I 'm looking forward to having more light soon . Posted in Uncategorized The gold standard toward which I aim , as a disciple of YMOYL ( " Your Money or Your Life , " by Joe Dominguez & Vicki Robbins ) is " F . I . , " financial independence , the point at which you can live off your investment earnings ( plus any Social Security that you qualify for , once you reach retirement age ) . That generally takes retirement savings ( a . k . a . investment capital ) of 12 to 15 times earnings . . . so that someone who earned 50 , 000 a year would need to have 600 - 750K in order to consider retiring . So a useful year - end metric is not just to look at percentage earnings , but at how much money your money earned . That actually matters more than the percent . If that number looks like income that you could live off of ( or could live off of supplemented by the social security you can expect to get ) , you have a sense of how close to F . I . you are . I sat down and did that calculation . This past year , my investments ( basically my retirement accounts ) earned me about $ 5000 . Not hardly enough to live on , but it 's a start . And maybe I 'll treat myself to a movie tomorrow afternoon . We used to do that when we were kids sometimes on Christmas Day . Anyone know anything decent that 's playing ? Posted in Uncategorized Teddy , my last remaining pet of the three I had two years ago , was diagnosed with chronic renal failure after I came back from my weekend away at Thanksgiving . He 's now on subcutaneous fluids twice daily , and hopefully can have 6 - 12 more months . He 's only 10 , and I thought I 'd have him longer than that . Poor Teddy Bear . I read an article recently about how much better pet insurance is now than it was a decade ago . Too late for Teddy , but has anyone had some good experiences with it ? Something to look into before the * next * pet . Goal : 1 . Finish the CPA exam and the EA exam . Find a real self - supporting accounting job . Results : CPA exam - - passed ! EA part 1 , passed . Working part time at a CPA firm and for 4th quarter at a doctor 's office too . But no job that is full - time and self - supporting yet . Goal : 2 . Continue regular exercise with an eye towards weight loss . I walked 285 fitness miles in 2009 . . . hoping to increase this to 365 in 2010 . Also need to add in strength training at least twice weekly . Results : Walked 205 miles ( didn 't walk during two crisis months with Henry & my mom ) . No real strength training effort . Goal : 3 . I will focus on eating fewer prepared foods and smaller portions with an eye to both losing weight and trimming my food budget . Results : I made progress here - - switched to Dr Fuhrman 's " Eat for Life " plan in mid - Sept and have lost 19 pounds since Jan . 1 of 2010 . I 'll have to check how this affected the food budget . . . I don 't really think it is down substantially . Goal : 4 . Do my own " happiness project " to combat the depressive tendencies that come with long - term unemployment and dealing with two dear family members facing terminal illness . Results : I made sporadic efforts and have at least avoided outright depression - - mostly because I have been working part - time all year , much better for my mental health than total unemployment . Also a friend of mine whose grandson is dying of cancer and I partnered to form a strong mutual support network and check in on each other regularly , especially when one of us knows that the other is dealing with a rough patch , and this helps . One of the things that I appreciate about David Bach is that he usually offers his latest book for free for one day each book release . Today 's the day . His latest book is " Debt Free for Life . " Go to http : / / www . walletpop . com / david - bach to get your copy . I haven 't posted here in over six months but will try to post more regularly as I am struggling financially , and otherwise , right now . So far there 's still money in the bank , and I have my health , so things could be a lot worse . But I am hoping for a turnaround in my fortunes this year , and in particular , successful entry into a new career . This is NOT the job market that existed when I first went back to school 5 years ago to get training in a different field , but it IS the job market I have to deal with today , so I 'm busy trying to figure out networking , and still in shock over the reality of being unemployed . Buying coupons actually makes sense if you have a product that you use that ( a ) you won 't accept a substitute brand for ; ( b ) the product is relatively expensive ; ( c ) you buy a large quantity of the product ; and ( d ) either the coupons have no expiration date OR the product is non - perishable and you have storage room . The latter two requirements are because the sellers sell the coupons in batches , typically six or ten or twenty of the same coupon . Also , ( e ) the coupon should be for a high amount off . I 've done this for 3 products : my brand of soymilk ( I drink Silk Unsweetened and will ONLY drink that brand ; all the others taste bad to me ; also , I drink at least a gallon of it a week ) ; my dog 's brand of premium dog food ; and my brand of tampons ( again , I 'll ONLY use that brand ) . In each case , the coupons I bought were for either 1 . 50 or 2 . 00 off , so the discount is substantial . The soy milk coupons have no expiration date , and the other two have expiration dates but my dog eats a can of dog food a day , and the tampons will last ad infinitem so can be stockpiled . In buying coupons for a month 's worth of dog food , a year 's worth of soy milk , and a year - plus worth of tampons , I 've saved - - after the cost of the coupons - - about $ 150 . If I can couple the coupons with a sale ( which I can in the case of the tampons ) , the savings will be even more . Not a bad profit for an hour 's effort - - once I figured the strategy out ! Posted in Uncategorized I also checked out the size of my old carry - on and found that it was a couple of inches bigger than regulation . Most of the time that might not matter , but I figure in this day of packed flights and charging for baggage , they 'll be more likely to check . Anyway , I found a carry - on that 's within limits on sale for 51 % off at the LL Bean outlet - - because the color is being discontinued . So I was happy with that find , especially as my mother is aging , and I figure that at some point in the foreseeable future I will probably have to do a great deal of cross - country flying back and forth . That 's on my mind as I 've been witnessing first - hand the decline of an elderly man in my congregation who has been ill this year . I had visited him ( and his wife , who was also hospitalized at the time ) in hospital on New Years , and then three weeks ago heard that he was in hospice . So I was very surprised a few days ago to hear that he and his wife would be hosting Shabbat services at their assisted living facility this past Friday night . I went , and Frank was in much better shape than he had been the last I saw him , though the change in his appearance was shocking compared to that of just a year ago before illness took its toll . He seemed in good spirits , and I was hopeful that he would have a while yet . But it turns out that that Shabbat service was a good - bye . I received word by email that he died in his sleep last night . I know that he suffered a lot this last year , but I 'm glad that his last Shabbat was such a pleasant one . So far , I 've saved about 5 % of my income . This is far less than planned . On the other hand , one thing that I did not really take into account sufficiently in setting my goals is that I suffered a fairly big salary cut ( 17 % ) back in September . I 'm still getting used to living on a reduced income . I did well at saving last year because I had more income . Now I 'm living on less income * and * prices are higher - - yet I 've still managed to save * something * . So I really should be happy about the savings that I * do * have . Food costs haven 't decreased at all - - not surprising given inflation but there are still some bad habits I can improve on . I 'm going to try to be more mindful of them as the year progresses . If I can make some changes habitual over the summer when my workload is lighter , perhaps some of that will carry on through the fall . Weight loss isn 't happening - - I * did * lose 9 pounds during Jan and Feb , then gained it back in the interval since then . Going to try to lose it again during July and August . Career change progress , mortgage paydown , and investing are going reasonably well . The market is down horribly as are my retirement assets , but I 'm in for the long - haul so not panicking over short - term decreases . I * do * think we 're in a recession , but recessions don 't last forever . The economy will turn up at some point and I 'll be in the market to take advantage of the increase when it does . Posted in Uncategorized Alas , I really dropped the ball on getting an internship - - it 's something I should have gone after in February and March . But I didn 't . The past two years , I 've been working one full - time teaching job at a day college , a part - time teaching job at an evening college , * and * have been taking a class a semester , too . It 's an intense schedule and so I didn 't get around to applying for the internships when I should have . So I told myself , well , there 's " Accountemps , " or I can try asking a couple " friends of friends " with small local CPA offices if I could do some work for free . The school semester ended in mid - May , and I spent the first two weeks after getting life organized around the house - - housework and home maintenance are relatively low priorities given all the other stuff , and some things were in need of attention . Then my summer school evening class started . But as we got into June , I began feeling like it was really late to ask for a summer internship . I also was feeling panicky about the fall , when I am currently scheduled to take * two * classes on top of my usual full - time plus part - time teaching load . One has really been as much as I can handle , and I even had to take an incomplete on one last fall . So I 've been feeling as though the fall will be an impossible task , but I contacted the instructors and got hold of the textbooks ahead of time and said to myself , " maybe I can do this if I get most of the reading done ahead of time . " But that reading takes time , of course . To shorten an overly - long story , I 've given up on the internship idea for the summer . Instead , I am going to take a second course for credit that starts via distance learning on Monday . I may take a third class as well ( during the evening in second summer session ) , albeit one that is not a requirement , so I may audit it rather than take it for credit . And , so I start getting out there in the accounting marketplace , I am going to contact one or two of those " friends of friends " and do some informational interviews and seek mentoring . The actual accounting work is going to wait . This plan will make things financially tighter - - I have my base salary coming in , but no second - job salary , so my income is down 23 % for June , July , & August from what I 'm used to . And there are some big expenses coming up that may require me to dip into my savings . I 'd been planning on some income from an internship to replace some of that second - job income . But the new plan * greatly * reduces the panic I 've been feeling , and it will make the fall much more do - able , as I 'll only have to take one class on top of the full - time & part - time jobs , and I know I can handle that . Plus now I can think more seriously about visiting my mom sometime this summer , during July or August . Posted in Uncategorized Friday I was too tired to cook but the contents of my fridge weren 't inviting , so I went to my favorite little Korean restaurant , where Kim cooked me a lovely 5 - course Korean meal for $ 12 ( dumplings , soup , a selection of 4 salads & kim - chees , chicken & rice , and vanilla ice cream topped with strawberries & kiwi for dessert ) . It was too much to eat so I took the leftovers with me and dropped by my BF 's on the way home - - I left the leftovers with him for a snack and he made me a cup of coffee ) . ( I 'd invited him to eat with me , but he 'd already eaten by the time I called ) . I got home around 8 : 30 , watched an hour of TV , talked to my mom on the phone , and went to bed by 10 . I got the existing weeds out as well as I could with my limited assortment of tools ( I 'm sure there must be better tools , but I have no idea what they would be ; I grew up in L . A . where every middle - class family ( except those with teenage sons ) hires a gardener to do the yardwork ) , and I cut and pegged down the weedblock cloth . It 's a bit messy , as every physical thing I do tends to be , but I 'll get some mulch to cover over and hide the messiness . ( I love the * idea * of being self - sufficient , but not the implementation ; I have little patience and even less knowledge when it comes to doing anything but the most basic of physical tasks - - and I often struggle with the most basic as well . ) This morning , I did a few errands ( grocery , fill up the tank , deposit $ $ at the ATM ) and chores ( dishes , vacuuming , cooking ) . It 's now 6 pm and I 'm hunkering down to do some grading of exams . I really don 't know where the day has gone ; I DO know that I 'm exhuasted again and feel pretty much ready for bed right now ! One nice thing is that my Mom called today to tell me that she 's getting me an early birthday gift ( my birthday comes at summer 's end ) . I had been talking about maybe getting a grill for my backyard this summer , and she went and ordered me one that should arrive this week , so that 's one item on the summer expense list crossed off already ! Posted in Uncategorized What a busy weekend this has been ! Started off Friday with a " date " with my BF . He treated me to dinner at a Chinese restaurant that opened near him about a year ago ; it was a bit expensive but really , really good ( and has won an award as one of the Top 100 Chinese restaurants in the U . S . ) . Saturday morning there was the annual undergraduate research conference in my field at the nearby U . ; I went to hear the keynote speaker and cheer the students on and see a few colleagues from other institutions . Then a quick trip to the grocery store and home to do some chores and walk Henry and cook my contribution for the night 's seder . The seder was fun - - my friend who invites me every year purchased a small farm 1 . 5 years ago and is raising llamas . The seder was nice but went on a bit long for my taste . The hostess wanted to sing every song in the book , just about . I agree that a seder should be a leisurely meal , but 2 - 2 . 5 hours , not over 4 ( the point at which I left ) is more to my taste . Today I pulled the lawnmower out of the basement and did the first mow of the season after first cleaning up the yard of sticks etc . The grass was actually a bit long for a first mow so it was slow going . I also did another grocery shopping trip ( yesterday 's was mostly for my seder dinner contribution ) and stopped at BJs , and at home I 'm doing laundry and cleaning and working on data analysis for a dozen undergrad projects . I 'm supposed to go out to another seder tonight but I really don 't want to - - I have a test to grade as well that I 'd really like to have off my back . Not quite sure what I 'll be doing yet . One thing I 'm NOT doing today is going to Hillary 's talk at the local H . S . a mile away . I 've already heard Bill in person , and Barack , and I 've made up my mind . If she had come a month earlier , I might have gone . Bill has been in the area 4 times , Chelsea at least twice , and now Hillary . All I can say is that I was really frustrated by Tuesday 's debate and the way the moderators emphasized trivial questions for the first half . I don 't watch TV much so I 've missed the barage of TV ads , but my mailbox has had 1 or 2 mailings from Obama every day this week . I 'll be glad to get the PA primary over with . Back in January the local paper was hosting a " Pretend your Vote Matters " poll on its website and PA has turned out to be anything but that ! I 've already planned to buy some Earth Boxes for container gardening and a barbeque grill for my back porch next month . This is my third year in the house and every May I buy something to liven up my outdoor living space . Other than a concrete bench for under the dogwood , this will complete the annual May outdoor buying spree , I think . My two porches and my lovely small backyard are one of the favorite parts of my house , and this is the only area where I 've splurged and bought things mostly new rather than used . Posted in Uncategorized I 've had two no spend days in a row the past two days - - yay ! And the scale reached a new low ( for the recent span of time ) this morning . I was hungry hungry hungry today , so it 'll probably take me a week to regain that number . Didn 't do huge damage - - just ate the number of calories that I ate last year . One day won 't do damage but daily eating at that level puts the weight right back on . I rationalized it by telling myself that I needed to let my body know it wasn 't starving because of the lower calorie intake of late - - when your body figures that food is scarce , it lowers the metabolic rate . When I got home from work I had a phone call from the Dean of the Evening College I teach at . The upshot of it is that a student needs an independent study in order to graduate in May . I agreed to supervise . It means an hour weekly meeting ( plus a couple extra to catch up since we 're now in week 4 of the term ) and a bit of additional grading , and $ 600 extra bucks ( before taxes ) in my pocket this term . Final thought : Maybe that was a gift from Dad ( who passed in 1990 ) . I maintain a pretty rationalistic approach to my spirituality , but sometimes it 's fun to indulge . Today would have been my father 's 90th birthday . It 's just nice to think that he 's celebrating by giving his family gifts . Makes me a bit sad , too - - although I was 28 when he died , I still feel like he didn 't get to know me as a " real grown up . " I hope he 'd be proud of how I turned out . He was always a button - bustin ' papa , so I 'm sure he would be . Posted in Uncategorized Knowing that I have a job in hand through summr of ' 09 ( the point at which I finish my accounting studies and am ready to move on to the new career ) , I felt like celebrating this weekend . It worked out well that I already had an out - of - town visitor scheduled , a trip rescheduled from before - Christmas . I spent Saturday morning doing some grocery shopping and tidying up , and Donna arrived around 2 . After hanging out at home for an hour , we went to a nearby town having a " SnowBlast festival " to look at the ice sculptures . I drove her home past my workplace and with a stop at the Farmer 's Market . Our Farmer 's market is open Thurs , Fri , & Sat . If I go , it 's usually Thurs or Fri since I work nearby . I hadn 't realized that on Saturday the hour or so before closing , the merchants steeply discount their wares , since they don 't want to have to pack them up again . It might be worth the occasional Saturday trip in the future . In the evening , DBF came over to join us for dinner , which I cooked ( salmon with Asian stirfry veggies in a citrus - soy sauce over brown rice ) . Donna and I split a bottle of wine ( DBF abstained ) . I got quite the buzz on and paid for it later that night . A drinker I am not . Today we puttered around home until 10 : 30 , then went to Granny 's Tearoom for brunch , and to the local bookstore and a couple of giftstores , all along Main St , to browse . The tearoom had a special whereby they were selling Windsor teapots for $ 10 if you bought some tea ; so I picked up a package of white tea with blackcurrent and a cobalt blue teapot , as I have recently switched from coffee to tea as my default drink of choice . I also bought a book on Green Housecleaning at the bookstore since it seemed to have some very useful tips when I browsed through it . After we got home , Donna left , and I ended up puttering around the rest of the day - - went out to Lowe 's and bought a new trash can since one of my two finally split completely down the middle last week , and otherwise hung around and drank tea ( plus I did one of my in - home walking tapes so I 'd get some exercise ) . Tomorrow I have off from teaching , but it will be a work - at - home , preparation for the workweek day . Now that I know that my plans are in place for the next 1 . 5 year 's it 's time to stop worrying and blast full - speed ahead ! Posted in Uncategorized
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TagsLove , Relationships , Short Story Once upon a time , there was a girl living in a small town by the ocean . She was just an ordinary child who grew up without any siblings beside her . Her parents weren 't always available so she would usually rely on her friends for support and advice ( especially about boys ) . This girl was extremely caring and patient . One day , she was walking by the ocean with her friends when they came across a tall , rather handsome guy playing basketball with some friends . Her friends were the ones who first noticed him and " casually " ran towards him . He was a very kind and outgoing individual who didn 't mind having a group of girls suddenly approach him out of no where . The friends started talking to him , trying to introduce the two and anticipate for a connection . As time went on , Carla and Kevin became really close friends . Best friends even . They trusted each other with everything . But , there was one thing that Carla never told Kevin . Ever since the day they met , Carla has always secretly been thinking about Kevin , and about them one day becoming a couple . Carla thought that Kevin might have thought about her the same way , but was always too afraid to ask . One late afternoon , Kevin and Carla were outside sitting on a stack of hay when Carla drew all of her courage to ask if Kevin liked her as more than a best friend . Kevin was taken by surprise by the unexpected question . It took him a while , but he finally responded … " Oh , ahaa ! That 's totally okay with me … I mean , we 're pretty great as friends anyways right ? " She laughed it off , but they both knew that things were going to change . That night , Carla thought about every situation that has led her to believe that Kevin was feeling the same way about her that she did for him . " I don 't like you " are the four words that kept resonating in her head . " I don 't like you , I don 't like you , I don 't like you " . These four words started turning into " I will never like you " and " You will never be Beth " . Over the next few months , Kevin and Carla barely had a conversation together . Things were different now . Carla knew Kevin 's true intentions and it devastated her … Eventually , they started slowly talking again and remembered why they were so close to begin with . For the next 2 years , Kevin and Carla were constantly talking about school , friends , and life in general . In the back of her mind , she always knew that Kevin was interested in Beth , but in the back of her heart , she always believed that he was the one for her . One night , Kevin and Carla were sitting on a bench , listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks . The sky was filled with twinkling stars with a big bright moon in the middle of it all . Carla was crying about a fight that she had gotten in to earlier that day with her best friend . Kevin was trying the comfort her by assuring her that it wasn 't her fault and that if her best friend truly cared about her , then she wouldn 't stay mad at her . I have to admit , I was first attracted to him by his incredibly good looks , but I later learned that he was an incredible freestyle , sprint swimmer and was also in the navy . He 's not like some of the other athletes who make up an excuse for not winning . He 's extremely real in the sense that he speaks realistically of his performances . If he thinks that he did his best , he says it , even if he didn 't place . As long as he 's satisfied with his performance , then that 's all that matters . And come on . . he 's only 23 . He still has some time to improve . It would be pretty great to watch him compete in future competitions as well . Either way , I think I can speak on behalf of a lot of us when I say that he is an ∞ / 10 . Let 's go China ! Tagscollege , First Year , Life changes , School , Stress , University First year of university is always a frightening thing . You don 't know what will happen , what friends you 're going to make , how life will change . After completing the first year of university , here are some things that I think were the biggest changes to my life . You may not realize it when it 's happening , but during the first few months of first year , I was actually going through more stress than I ever have before . I was stressed because I was alone , I didn 't know what to expect from school , I barely had any friends , etc . So much contributed to this and I just didn 't think that it would have such an impact on me . I underestimated my abilities to adapt . This will be further explained in the other categories listed underneath . This is something that I struggled with the most during my first year . I am an only child , extremely close with my family , and the longest I 've been away from both of my parents is less than a week from when I went to summer camp . With that being said , it was extremely hard for me to be independent in a place where I was unfamiliar with and where I barely knew anyone . It took me a while to adapt and be comfortable in my surroundings . Now , once I have adapted , the freedom that you have is exhilarating . I loved being able to do what I wanted when I wanted . I was never the smartest or the one who had the highest grade in class , but I also wasn 't the worst student . After arriving at university , this didn 't really change much . I 'm not the best , but I don 't think that I 'm the worst . The thing that really changed for me is how you need to rely on yourself to study and do well . There is no such thing as " mandatory homework " . The prof doesn 't tell you what you have to do . They do however tell you what you should do to do good in the course . Now , whether you do it or not all depends on you . You choose what readings you want to do and when you want to do them . If you don 't understand something , you should take the initiative to attend office hours and get clarification . Especially since first year classes are really large , you really have to take initiative . This might be a category that 's different for everyone . My program was always known to have competitive students . I really understood what that meant during our first networking event . You truly do see the extent that people go through to make an impression on some of the recruiters . This was a bit intimidating for me as I wasn 't really exposed to this type of environment before . However , you start realizing that the competition is what makes the program great . It 's what contributes to the reputation that it has . After a while , I understood the importance of networking events and that a little competition never hurts anyone . Everything you do in life will be a competition . Whether it 's competing with someone for a job or competing with our own expectations to make us the best version of ourselves possible . Extra curricular activities . In high school , I wasn 't too involved . I didn 't feel a need to be involved and some groups like student council was mainly based on popularity . That 's something that I hated because it 's not based on your skills and abilities . This changed in university , as they only look at your skills , abilities , and personality . Also , the main reason I decided to join clubs and associations is to meet more people . University is so large that you 're never going to meet , let alone know everyone like you might have in high school . It 's a great way to meet others outside of your faculty and get involved . Some people will have different opinions and experiences than I did and that 's totally okay . You might not go through some of the things I did either , but this is just some thoughts that I thought I 'd put out there for you . There were quite a bit of changes for me , but those changes helped me grow as a person . Looking back , I tried and experienced new things , made a lot of new friends , and just loved the experience . I had a great first year . I have always been a night owl vs an early riser . It 's easy for me to stay awake past 3am but it 's agonizing for me to wake up at 10am the next day . During high school , staying up late was just a habit . Regardless if it was for school , or if I was watching a show , I never felt like I was " addicted " to staying awake . I guess what I 'm trying to say is that I wasn 't overly excited because I was staying awake to do things . That all changed when I started university … Being away from home , I had soo much more freedom to do what I want , when I wanted . If I wanted to get bubble tea with some friends at 11pm , we would hop on a bus and go . If my friends and I were bored and couldn 't sleep at 3am , we would walk down to McDonalds to get a cookies or something just to cure the boredom . It was honestly the best . I loved being out at night . I guess this is especially intriguing and exciting for me because regardless of what time it was , there will always be other people around you who are also up , doing the same thing . It was just so lively to be up , doing things late at night . I 'm back home right now as it 's the summer break , and I haven 't been able to stay out as late as I want to because my parents are a bit restrictive with the time that I have to be home . Because of this , I usually hang out with friends during the day and only rarely go out at night . Recently , I went out with my friends in the evening to get some food and just hang out . It was then that I realized how much I loved being out . The night scenery , the music , the cool breeze running through my hair , being with my other fellow night owls , just the excitement . When I 'm out , I don 't feel tired . All I feel is the rush of excitement . There 's just so much more to do at night ! It 's addicting I tell you . It is usually best to bring a mattress pad or an old quilt to put under your bed sheets so that the bed is softer and more comfortable . I 'm not so sure about other universities , but I know that a lot of the university beds are really hard and they hurt your back . With a mattress pad or anything else to soften it up , it will really help with having a more comfortable sleep and a less aching back . Shower caddies and over the door hooks are really really useful . As for shower caddies , it saves you the trouble of having to carry everything in your arms and finding a place to put them . With a caddie , you can just bring it into the washroom with you , hang it up , and then take it back into your room . Some shower caddies also have hooks attached which are really convenient for hanging towels and shower caps . Moving on to over the door hooks , they don 't damage the doors or walls and they are able to hold a lot of weight . these are multipurpose and you can just reuse it over and over again . I know this from personal experience , but it 's okay to be home sick . Missing your family back home , your old life , is normal . You are not alone . Especially if you 're an only child , it 's really really hard to get over the fact that you 're really alone now . No parents , no nothing . It does get better though , especially if you 're in a program that you love and are really excited about . Once in a while you might have those breakdowns where you just want to cry because you miss your family . It 's okay . Cry it out . You 'll feel a lot better afterwards . Also , it helps to skype or call your family every so often to help with this . For me , it helped a lot ! I don 't know … I was skyping with my parents in my room and when I finished and went downstairs , one of my roommates , who is also my best friend , told me that I was being too loud and that when I 'd say something , she 'd yell the same thing back … Is it just me or is that just kind of rude and disrespectful ? ? Not only that , but she is now mad at me and is talking to me in a rude tone . I understand that I was bothering her , but she could have went about it a better way … I mean , if the roles were reversed , I might be upset , but I 'd understand because she 's talking with her parents and it 's not like she 's doing it on purpose … I just though that as a best friend and just for the common courtesy , she would have said it in a better way and just be more understanding … She knows that I 've been missing home a LOT , so I don 't know why she would yell back the same things I was saying which to me seems like she 's mocking me and really being disrespectful . I could totally be over reacting right now , but it 's just how I thought of the whole thing . TagsDisappointed , Drive Test , Driving , Fail , Next Time You know , I never really thought it was that big of a deal to fail a driving test … I mean , you 're going to get it eventually , it 's just a matter of time . That was until I failed my driving test . . Going into this , I was just hoping to pass on my first shot , trying to make it a one time thing . It was going so well too and I was sure that I was going to pass until I turned into the intersection that leads to the entrance of the testing centre . Stupid cars don 't really give a damn if you 're doing a test or not . I really thought that maybe , they would have tried to help me . . But nope . While I was trying to change lanes , a car speeds up and passes me from behind right when I was going to change lanes . That screwed me over . At that point I knew that I could kiss that licence good bye . Now talking a bit about my driving instructor . . He was absolutely horrible . I hated him . He would always be late to lessons , cancel lessons last minute , forget that we scheduled a lesson , etc . I was so pissed at him for making this experience so much more complicated than it needs to be and less enjoyable . I mean , even in the day of the test , he came 30 minutes late … Who does this ? ? I was panicing ! Gosh … I guess it 's just my bad luck that I got him as my instructor … He also kind of pushed everything to the last minute . So , for the first 7 lessons , he would just take you driving on the street . On the last few lessons , he finally taught me parking and lane switched … I 'm just glad that I 'm done with him now . Next time I attempt this test , I 'm going to use my parent 's car . I 'm not trying to push the blame 1st the beginning of this post , but just trying to vent a bit . I know that it was definitely my fault for not seeing the car sooner and reacting properly to it . But as I was saying earlier , I never thought that it was a huge deal . But I actually thought of it as a huge deal when I failed even though other people didn 't … I guess that 's just my personality right ? Sigh . . Back to practicing and hoping that the second shot will be better . Tagscollege , Growing Up , Life changes , Moving Out , University I 've never really realized how big of a deal moving out was until this month . There 's only about 3 weeks left before I move out to start university , and all I want to do is just spend time with my parents . It hadn 't really hit me until now to realize that once I move out , nothing is going to be the same . Everything that I 'm so familiar with and that I 've grow to know and love is all going to change . This is the first time I 'm going to be fully taking care of myself , living by myself … I 'm going to have to get use to this " new life " so to speak . It 's really hard for me to imagine leaving them and possibly never living with them 100 % after this month . I 've always had a good relationship with my parents which makes this extremely hard for me . Call me a baby , but ever since I was a child , I 've never wanted to grow up simply because I didn 't want to leave my parents … Embarrassing right ? I know , some of you might think that this is only because my parents cook , clean , and practically do everything around the house , but it 's really not solely because of this . Every parent can be annoying sometimes , but we all know that we love them . I guess this love is just " stronger " ( so to speak for lack of a better word ) , within me . Now , I don 't want you guys to think that I 'm some baby who always wants to stick with my parents , I mean , I kind of am , but more so because my parents have always been busy with work when I was growing up . Especially because they 're the first generation of immigrants , it was hard to build up to what we have now . So I think that I 've really had to mature , and be self dependent earlier than a lot of others . But even with that , I guess I 'm also just kind of scared and excited at the same time for the changes and possibilities . Most , if not all of my friends seem to be soo excited to be leaving their parents and living on their own . Call me the odd one out right ? I mean , of course I 'm excited , but I think I might just be a bit more emotional towards the idea of leaving … Does that entirely make me seem like a baby ? Oh well , babies are cute right ? Anyways , do any of you feel this way too ? Let me know some of your stories and experiences in the comments 🙂 TagsBeginner , Exercise , First Time , Jillian Michaels , Workout , Yoga So today I started yoga … Not sure if it 's exactly the best decision , but since I 've bought a yoga mat and have been wanting to try it ever since , I decided to give it a go . Let me tell you , to all the people who think that yoga isn 't a workout and it 's just silly and stupid , don 't doubt it til you try it ! It 's harder than you might think and you actually work out a sweat ! With the right video , determination , and an open mind , this might just turn out to be the perfect daily workout ! The video that I chose is the one from Jillian Michaels . You know , the trainer in The Biggest Loser ? Yeah . . After using this as the video for my first time , it really shows me the technique and power of yoga . I 'm loving this workout . Although I have a long way to go , I know that this is something that I can get use to as a daily exercise . I 'm confident that this will bring many benefits to my body and health ! About my first attempt at yoga … Well , it is soo extremely tiring ! After about 10 mins , I was already starting to break a sweat . That could be because I 'm just really out of shape , but it shows that it 's doing something ! As a beginner , it was actually very difficult to do some of the moves and it was difficult to get through the whole video . I am disappointed that I wasn 't able to get through it all , but I know that if I continue this , I will and I 'll feel great about doing so ! Anyways , yoga works out your entire body and stretches out a lot of your body parts as well . It feel nice to stretch out your body . I think that I 'll make this into a regular routine and see where it takes me !
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I made a knitted and felted hat . . . that means I made it out of wool yarn and then washed it in the washing machine in hot water until it shrank . Wool does that . And that 's not something you want to do to a nice wool sweater , unless it says it 's machine - washable , just so you know ! So I got a nice green yarn and knitted a huge hat to felt down to the proper size . Here it is before I felted it : Chain wool mail , anyone ? I tried rolling it up , but I still couldn 't see : The next day I felted it , shaped it , and left it to dry . When it finally dried all the wet wool smell was gone ( good ! ) . Have you ever smelled a wet sheep ? No ? Well neither have I , but wet wool smells NASTY ! It 's an awful , awful smell . And this was nice clean processed wool ; I can only imagine how bad the fresh wool roving that spinners get must smell ! It doesn 't look quite look how I wanted it to look , but I think that just may be my head . I must have a funny shaped head . Oh well . Or it may be the pattern . . . since I didn 't want to pay the $ 5 . 95 to get that pattern , I went with a free pattern . And now that I look at it , it isn 't really the same shape as the other pattern , though it 's kind of hard to tell around the furry yarn ( I did not use the furry yarn ! ) . Sorry about the silence ! I was really busy this weekend , I had a bread order to work on Saturday , a pie to make , and Mom and I went to a cross - stitch get together . On Sunday we had a church fellowship ( that 's why I had to make a pie ) and then I babysat that evening , so I was too tired last night to post ! Anyway , I got my skirt done and wore it on Sunday , along with a belt I made to go with it . I was going to get one of my friends to take a picture for me , but I forgot to ask her , so I had to make do with the tripod and timer on my camera . : ) It doesn 't always turn out great , but it works . Here 's the skirt hanging up , so you can see the shape of it more : I 'm using this pattern , view D , but without the pockets : I decided I didn 't want the pockets for the look I was going for , plus if I have pockets I have a tendency to jam my hands into them , which doesn 't look very lady - like , when I should really just figure out what to do with my hands ! : ) I found myself trying to find the pockets yesterday , and then forcing my hands to relax . . . at least I 've gotten over what I use to do , which was to stand with my right arm behind me , holding my left arm which was hanging down , in a sort of speed - skating pose . I 'm not even sure why I did that instead of folding my arms . . . " I 'm not defensive , but my arms are too long ! " : D Okay . . . that got rather off - topic ! The fellowship yesterday was fun and my right arm is sore from playing air - hockey . . . ouch ! I love playing air - hockey and I 'm rather intense in my playing , especially since I 'm used to playing with my dad . However , I was playing someone who was as intense as me , but more accurate , so I lost the game ! Ah , I think that 's all I have to post about right now , my next posts will be about sewing ( how to do French seams ) and my felted hat that I finished . I 'm almost finished with my skirt , all I have left to do is hem it , so I tried it on . I 'm really happy with how it 's turning out , and the waistband fits perfectly . . . perfectly ! As you might have guessed that 's not always guaranteed even on something I sew myself . So I 'm very happy about that ! I tried it on with the brown boots I plan to wear with it and Colin said it looked very nice . I thanked him , and he proceeded to explain that he liked how the boots blended in with the skirt , and the shirt I was wearing looked nice too , but it would look even better if I wore a brown shirt , then I would match all over . " With the brown skirt , and the boots , and shirt , and your hair . " Um . . . number one , I was not aware that my hair was the same color as the dark brown skirt . Second , I 'm not going for a ( feminine ) UPS employee look . I 'll wear all black , but not all brown . . . that 's just too . . . brown . Although I guess there 's not a whole lot of difference between all black and all brown . So Colin approves of my new skirt and I 'll post pictures of it when I get it completely done . : ) Okay . . . so I 'd never , ever heard of Prince Edward Medley before . Nor had I looked at the bag for the " mixed vegetables " we got from Aldi . Until tonight , when I was looking at the back of the bag to see how long it needed to cook for : " Place desired amount of Prince Edward Medley in a small amount of boiling salted water . " Do what with who ? ? ? ? So I flip the package over and see that the mixture of green beans , wax beans , and baby carrots is indeed called Prince Edward Medley . After doing some searching on it , it looks to be fairly common , and it originated presumably on Prince Edward Island , Canada . Why it 's specific to there I don 't know , and I couldn 't find anything about it . I did find a link to the Aldi webpage and the PEM : http : / / aldi . us / us / html / offers / 2867 _ 4130 _ ENU _ HTML . htmSo there you have it . . . has anyone else never heard of PEM ? Dear old PEM . . . he 's been boiled now . And he was quite tasty . . . even though I forgot to boil him in salted water . . . oops ! Take the Quiz here ! You are Elinor Dashwood of Sense & Sensibility ! You are practical , circumspect , and discreet . Though you are tremendously sensible and allow your head to rule , you have a deep , emotional side that few people often see . I told Rebecca in an email this week that there was some random fact I was going to tell her about , but that I couldn 't remember it . I just remembered it . You can marry your second cousins in any state , but in North Carolina you can even marry your first cousins . . . which might explain a lot about North Carolina . : D Cousin Marriage Laws . So when Colin told Rebecca they should get married , they actually could . . . well , if he was 12 years older they could ! : ) So anyway , that was my random fact for the day ! Okay , so my cousin Rebecca posted a list of ten things she 'd want to have with her if she was stranded on a desert island , and challenged her readers to come up with their own list . So here 's mine : 1 . My Bible2 . Sunscreen3 . Bottled water4 . Lip balm5 . The Complete Edgar Allen Poe6 . My iPod7 . Pencil & paper8 . A totally hilarious guy ( okay , so I got that idea from Rebecca , but I would want that too ! ) 9 . Sunglasses10 . . . . uh , I can 't think of a tenth thing . . . help me here . . . um , some band ? Celebrity ? No , scratch that , I don 't want a celebrity with me . Another practical thing ? ? ? Other than something like , say , a boat . : ) Tell me your own list in the comments , or link to a post about it ! Here 's what I 've been working on sewing - wise . I bought the fabric quite a while ago , but I haven 't had time till now to do any sewing . All I 've done so far is cut out the fabric and sew the four skirt panels together ( wrong sides together ) . I like to do French seams because it binds the seams neatly , which will be good for this especially , because this is corduroy that would probably fray pretty badly . To make a French seam , you sew the pieces wrong sides together with a 3 / 8 inch seam allowance . Then you trim the seam allowance down to 1 / 8 , turn the pieces around wrong sides together , and sew a 1 / 4 inch seam . That 's if your seam allowance is supposed to be 5 / 8 , if not you have to subtract 1 / 4 from whatever it 's supposed to be and sew that first . Did that make any sense ? I 'll show pictures when I get to that point . That 's actually what I 'll be doing next , then I have to attach the waistband and sew a zipper in . I don 't like sewing zippers , but this should be easier than the other two things I 've made with zipper ( a rayon skirt and dress with a long zipper ) ! I 'm also almost done with the hat I 'm knitting . . . I 'll post pictures of it when I get it done . I only have maybe twelve rows to go . After I get these things done I 'm not sure what my next knitting project will be , but I need to find a pattern for the fabric I bought last month . Oh yeah , that 's right , my knitting project will be a shrug to go over the dress I make with that fabric ! Well , maybe I can knit something else before I start on that . So I think I 'll go look at the McCall 's , Butterick , and Vogue pattern websites for dress patterns , because Hancock Fabrics is supposed to have those patterns on sale in February . . . Flipping and rotating my mattress while pondering the irony of having to flip / rotate a mattress ( twin - size , but still fairly heavy ) to help my back pain . I feel like a hypochondriac , but my back , neck , and head have been hurting a lot lately , and it 's getting really annoying . Well , actually it 's more like really painful , not annoying . My neck is giving me the most problems , and I got a new pillow to see if that would help , but it hasn 't . And of course that wouldn 't do anything for my back . I also had a weird headache sort of thing all the sudden yesterday afternoon , right between my eyes . It felt the way it feels if you eat a lot of something really cold , or right after you take an ice pack off your head . It was probably just a random headache , but it was weird . Some of it is probably caused by being on the computer more than I used to be before I had a computer in my room , but I don 't think that 's causing all the problems . I don 't know . . . I just wish my back and neck would stop hurting . As Rebecca mentioned in the comments , I 've added some blogs to my blog roll . I also added an email link down at the very bottom of my sidebar . That 's not my main email address , so anyone who has my main address , please continue to use it ! I just didn 't want to put it on the blog ; this Yahoo one is what I use to avoid spam when signing up for something . I also made a Meez . There are a lot more details than on Yahoo avatars . . . of course it 's mainly a time - waster , but it 's kind of fun ! : ) I thought about adding some other blog buttons , but I couldn 't figure out where to put them that wouldn 't look cluttered . So take a look at my updated sidebar ! This is just how I like my smoothie , but basically you can put just about anything in ! 4 - 6 ice cubes2 cups plain yogurt2 T . sugar2 T . honey2 t . vanilla1 cup frozen fruitCrush the ice cubes in the blender first . Add the yogurt , sugar , honey , and vanilla . Mix the honey into the yogurt a little bit with a spoon , trying to avoid the sides of the blender . ( Once the honey gets stuck on the sides it is hard to get off . ) Add the frozen fruit . ( I 've been using a blend of blueberries , blackberries , and raspberries . ) Blend this all together thoroughly and eat ! This makes two servings . I use plain yogurt , so if you use vanilla yogurt you probably won 't need the sugar , honey , or vanilla . . . . unless you like it really , really sweet ! The berry blend I 'm using now is a bit tart and you end up with seeds in your smoothie , so if you don 't like that , I would suggest some other sort of fruit . I 'm thinking of getting a bag of frozen strawberries from Costco and making a strawberry / banana smoothie . If you don 't mind bananas , they 're supposed to make a smoothie a little bit thicker too . You could add the berries to that as well . . . as I said there 's really no one way to make them , but I gave you the basic proportions anyway . I 'm thinking of getting some calcium / magnesium powder to add , because those are two things I need to get more of , but I can 't swallow the pills . I imagine there are tons of other protein powders and stuff , but if you start adding too many healthy things , I 'm not sure how long it will taste good ! : D Okay , so I promised a real post today , and I think I might just have time to write one . I managed to get a lot done today ; I got my schoolwork done , vacuumed the whole house , mopped the kitchen floor , and still had time to go for a short walk . And Mom and I went to two grocery stores tonight . We still haven 't eaten supper , but the pizza 's in the oven , and I 'm finally starting to get hungry ! Let 's see , what did I do during my blog break ? Not much of anything extra I guess , I just got everything done that I needed to , with a little leftover time after that . I got started on a skirt I 'm making , and I started knitting a hat : I 'll post pictures of those two things tomorrow . Other than that , I slept , got schoolwork back into my schedule , relaxed , and read some ! Oh , the pizza 's done ! Okay , that was last night , and I never got back to finish my post ! Recently I 've been doing some research about vegetables and fruits . . . I 'm hoping that if I eat more vegetables and fruits like you 're supposed to that maybe it will help with my energy levels . I think you 're supposed to eat three servings of fruit and four of vegetables per day ? I 'm really not sure how you can manage to eat four servings of veggies in one day , but maybe I can manage at least two ! It 's fairly easy to eat some fruit with breakfast and lunch , but I guess I would need to eat a serving with supper as well . Hmm . . . Well , mainly I 'm trying to be eating better than I am now . Speaking of fruit , I 've been making yogurt smoothies for breakfast this week . The only problem is that it 's a little bit cold right now for smoothies , so I usually have a nice hot piece of toast too ! : ) I know the smoothies will taste really good in the summer though . I think I mentioned on here a long time ago that I was thinking about starting a craft business . . . well , the more I thought about that , I realized that wouldn 't really work for various reasons . What is going to work is selling homemade bread ! I may eventually try selling some at the farmer 's market , but not for a while , and I 'm not quite suPosted by I promise I will have a real post sometime today , but probably not till tonight , since I have a lot of stuff to do today . This was in our paper last week : " When Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee speaks to crowds of evangelical Christian voters , the scene more resembles a rock show than a political rally . Teenage girls with digital cameras trip over each other for snapshots . Grown men nod in rhythm to the cadence of Huckabee 's stump speech , which often resembles a mini - sermon . " Read full article . Hmm . And I really don 't have anything else to say about that , as I 'm not for or against Huckabee , * but this does seem a little weird . I 'm just referring to the part I quoted here , not the whole article . * mainly because I haven 't looked into what the various candidates ' views are yet ; something I need to do , as I 'm old enough to vote now . From my history book , in reference to the Crimean War : " The war is also remembered for the fashions established at the time . The British general , Lord Raglan , wore an overcoat in which the sleeves went directly to the neck without shoulder seams . Today we call such sleeves ' raglan sleeves ' . The leader of the Light Brigade , Lord Cardigan , popularized a sweater that buttoned down the front and could be easily slipped on under a uniform jacket . Sweaters of this type are now known as cardigans . Even the ordinary soldiers in the British ranks introduced a new item . Cold and shivering on the plains of Balaclava , they kept themselves warm by pulling woolen socks over their heads . They cut holes in them for their eyes and mouths . The soldiers called them ' Balaclava helmets ' . We call them ski masks . " It almost sounds silly now . . . we know about cardigan sweaters , so it seems more like Lord Cardigan was named after the sweater , rather than the other way around ! Or rather , news worth breaking my break for . . . not that I 'll be buying one of these , I don 't have $ 1800 to spend ! MacBook AirA guided tour of the MacBook Air . . . by John , Apple 's employee who looks the most like Steve Jobs . Watch the commercial . . . . . . then watch the music video for the song in the commercial : New Soul ~ Yael NaimAnd all you PC users . . . I hear the scoffing ! : ) What do you have to say about the new MacBook ? ? I think I 'll start out by saying that I am not a calm person . . . well , no , let me rephrase that . I am calm , in that I 'm not hyper most of the time . If I have caffeine , or stay up late , I can get hyper , but most of the time I 'm fairly calm . However , I get stressed easily . Very easily . Because I have been getting stressed out lately , I 'm going to take a week - long break from blogging and reading blogs . Probably the reading blogs is what takes more of my time , seeing as I don 't blog that often . I am going to make an exception for Rebecca and Mom . . . I 'll keep reading relatives ' blogs , just not all the others I usually read . I think to do that I 'm going to have to move my blog bookmarks down to the very bottom of my long list of bookmarked pages and that way I won 't get started reading them ! A week 's not very long , but I think it will be enough for me to work on getting some stuff done . One thing I need to work on is my time - management . . . I have no time - management skills , and that is also contributing to the stress . So , I 'll see you all back here next Friday . . . because I do have things to blog about ! They 'll just have to wait though . By the way , I 'm feeling better today . My stomach is fine , and I 'm tired , but that 's because I couldn 't sleep last night . Dad is well , and went to work today . . . I guess I didn 't get whatever this was as bad as he did , since I 'm better already . Weird , whatever it was . Because I 'm not sure what else could be wrong with me . Dad got sick Monday night with a slightly upset stomach and aching all over . He stayed home yesterday and today , which means he must really not feel very good , because he very rarely stays home from work . I think he 's basicaly better today though , so at least this isn 't a long - term thing . Mom got it yesterday , and I guess I must have it now . . . whatever it is . I mainly feel like I 'm hungry , but then if I eat , my stomach feels a little bit " off " . . . not queasy exactly , just not right . I feel fine other than that , except that I 'm cold , but I 'm always cold , so that 's nothing new . My brain is not working either though . I read my History section , and when I got to the end of it , realised that I could just barely remember what it was about , and certainly not enough to answer the questions about it ! Oof . And it 's no fun feeling hungry all day . Posted by Don 't expect to get a ton of stuff done the first Monday back from vacation . Especially not extra stuff . . . focus on the basic things that need to be done . Like taking a Tylenol and drinking some water because your head 's hurting again . I had big plans to organize my home - management notebook , put a bunch of stuff in it and such like . And research healthy diets that improve your energy . I think I should have slept an hour later and maybe minimized my to - do list today instead . On a positive note , I got my room cleaned ! It needed it too , I don 't think I had put anything away since we got home . Ah well , I have a feeling I 'll be very energetic tomorrow , so maybe I 'll get a lot done then ! I have a ton of stuff to blog about that 's for sure . . . I 'd probably better write some of it down so I can remember it . Right now I think I 'll go take that Tylenol I mentioned . . . I thought I 'd post a picture of the hat I got at the mall in Springfield : I got it on clearance at , of all places , Hot Topic . My cousin Lauren and I both got a hat there , and if you knew Lauren and me , and have ever seen Hot Topic , you 'll understand why it amused everyone immensely . Most of the stuff in there is black , or red , with lots of chains , and studs . . . not our style really . : D So we both got cool hats , hers was black and mine 's sort of reddish - brown , and our cousins agreed we looked awesome . I plopped a black fedora on Jenna 's head , and it looked really cute , but she didn 't want it . I think she should have bought it . : ( I think maybe I 'll make it a tradition to buy a hat whenever I go on vacation . Which I don 't do very often , so I don 't think I 'll end up with too many hats . . . although one of my aunts also gave me a pink , fuzzy bucket hat , gloves , and scarf , with angora in them . So they 're really soft and fuzzy , and they shed all over . The hat doesn 't quite fit , but it stays on my head , basically . Provided the wind 's not blowing . . . And I 'm going to make myself a felted bucket hat . I found a free pattern online , and got some green wool yarn to make it with . I think that will probably be my next knitting project . I have a sweater that I started while we were gone , but I think I may try to get the hat done while it 's still winter . I also got a new coat before we left . . . and boy am I glad I did ! I would have been even colder if I hadn 't had that nice warm coat . I was thinking about getting a wool coat , but I tried some on and they didn 't look quite right on me , plus I couldn 't find one that I could afford without it being a really cheapy one . I finally found a coat at TJ Maxx , for only $ 80 . It 's a faux suede with faux fur lining . . . not really what I was thinking of , but I like it and it 's nice and toasty . Plus ( big plus ) it 's machine - washable that way . I hate dry cleaning stuff . . . . I avoid it completely , and I 'm not sure a wool coat is something that would have held up even to my trying to hand wash it . And I 'm certainPosted by . . . . and show me a sign . . . or rather , on second thought , don 't . I 've had enough highway driving for a while ! Which means I must have done a lot of driving , because that 's something I like ! Okay , I think I 've managed to get my thoughts collected enough for a blog post . We 've been busy all day getting stuff unpacked and doing several dozen loads of laundry . . . well , maybe not several dozen , but quite a few . We got home yesterday evening , around 5 . We left Springfield Thursday morning and drove to Georgetown , Kentucky , which was about half - way , and stayed there overnight . We stayed at another Hilton Garden Inn there . . . it was a little different from the one in IL , but I would definitely recommend staying at one if you 're traveling . Hilton Garden Inn . They 're very reasonable too . . . well , there are cheaper places , but these are clean and pleasant ! : ) Let 's see , what all did we do while we were gone ? We left Saturday and stayed in Louisville , Kentucky . We were right by a mall and it was so busy . We were driving around trying to find someplace to eat that wasn 't super busy . There were a lot of nice - looking places around there , that I 'm sure would have been good , but they were all packed . Eventually we ended up going to Panera ( after we found it again ) and they managed to mess up almost our whole order ! The girl running the cash register was new , so she rang stuff up wrong , so we got the wrong sandwiches , and they charged extra for Colin 's milk . Apparently , milk isn 't included with the kid 's meal any more , but Dad had picked up an old menu that still said it was . Luckily the manager was working , so she got it sorted out about the sandwiches ( they were out of what we ordered ) and gave up a refund for the milk , since it said on the menu that it was included . She also gave us a refund on the sandwiches , so we ended up getting it almost all free ! I think we ended up paying for one sandwich and my coffee , maybe . My caffe mocha wasn 't messed up , probably because the manager made it ! Oh well . . . we got some food anyway . We got to SpringfiPosted by
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Welcome to my very Random Ramblings . This started out as more of a journal than anything else but has recently become more crafty as I embark on my journey into quilting . I love to know where visitors come from so please take the time to say ' Hi ' if you can , you could even add yourself to my followers ! I could have confessed to failing last week 's challenge much sooner . I just couldn 't bring myself to admit to such abject failure . I started with the very best of intentions and phoned an aunt on Monday evening , sadly she didn 't really seem to want to talk and the call lasted only a few minutes . I actually felt quite dejected but resolved to carry on regardless . Tuesday was Julie 's turn - except that she sent an email early in the evening explaining that she was really busy - could I call on Wednesday . That sort of took the wind out of my sails and I lost the impetus to keep the challenge going . I did call her on Wednesday but sadly that ended up being rushed because of John 's birthday celebrations - dinner was being cooked and the lovely Carl , my reflexologist , was due at 7 . 30 . So there you have it - I made no further attempts to call anybody after that . I think I may be a little phone - phobic actually - I don 't find it the easiest thing in the world to pick up the phone and talk to my nearest and dearest and I have absolutely no idea why ! So if you are reading this and I owe you a phone call or two - please forgive me , it 's nothing personal I 'm just really bad at keeping in touch by phone ! I 've decided not to set a challenge this week - I can just feel it 's going to be a bit of a pig of a week at work , don 't ask why I just have a feeling in my water ! If I 'm wrong I 'll gladly admit to it - my boss is away as well this week so that leaves lil ' ol ' me to keep things going - deep joy ! Hope this week is all you would wish it to be for yourselves - I 'll catch you later in the week . I liked the look of this one this morning ! For the first Sunday in ages I wasn 't putting off meme - ing ! So here we go thanks to Sunday Stealing here is this week 's meme ! The Ellie Bellie MemeWhat are your most common nicknames ? I suppose I 've had several over the years - Fevvers when I was very young ( rhyming - geddit ? ) , my oldest friends would have called me Hev and probably most recently Sparkle ( again rhyming ! ) What is today 's weather ? Blue skies , nothing but blue skies - tad nippy though , weather is just starting to turn . Where did you go on vacation this year ? I 've been lucky this year . Caribbean earlier in the year and Baltic Capitals more recently . What did you do there ? A lot of sightseeing ! Where did you stay ? On a ship - both times . What job do you do ? Manager - admin type thingsDescribe where you live . On the outskirts of a large town but not far from the countryside and the coast . What do you usually do on weekends ? Depends on the time of year ! Always housework but during the season I go to football when it 's a home game . Occasionally meet up with friends as well . What food hits your ' bliss spot ' ? Difficult one - I love crispy duck with hoisin sauce and shredded cucumber and spring onion ! What drink really does it for you ? A lovely cup of Earl Grey tea ! Describe the first friend that comes to your head . Shorter than me and blonder than me ! ( oh - and a whole lot slimmer than me ! ) What was the last restaurant you went to ? Had lunch in Arlington 's yesterday - becoming a habit ! Where would you like to live if you had unlimited moneys and nothing stopping your dreams ? I 'd love a house large enough to be sectioned off so that the boys could become independent of us - probably still in the same general area that I live in now . What is the likeliness of you achieving this dream home ? Absolutely zero unless I win the lottery , which won 't happen too soon as I keep forgetting to do it ! What do you like to do in your spare time ? Daft question - blogging , Twittering , Facebook - ing ! I do try to read as well from Posted by . . . I hope you can forgive me for not posting anything original since Monday - no excuses , not been particularly busy , I guess just not felt very creative ! It was my darling husband 's birthday on Wednesday - what do you buy for the man who has everything but never uses any of it ? I had no idea , couldn 't think of anything original - he particularly said , in a totally unsubtle way ' tell the boys not to buy me books this year ' ! OK , no help there then . I had the bright idea of Ticket Master gift cards - I promise that I did attempt to find tickets for a show in London but after about 5 hours minutes , I gave up - just seemed so darn complicated . I really wanted to get tickets for Hairspray - but would he want that ? I couldn 't find a Saturday that didn 't clash with football ( I know , you have to question my priorities here ) so I thought , yep it 's voucher time ! John actually seemed quite pleased - oh , and I also added a voucher for Pizza Express so we could eat as well ! ! We had a day off yesterday so John decided to look for his show . He thought he 'd stay local and opt for Jools Holland at the Ipswich Regent . A nice local venue , five minutes or so down the road , easy ( ish ) to park or get one of the boys to chauffeur for the night . The only problem was we could only have seats in row V - up against the wall , not a good option , especially when he thought he 'd compare the tickets with another ticket site and could get better tickets , five rows forward and in the middle ! Scrap that idea . ' Was there something in particular that you had in mind ? ' he asked me . Golden Opportunity . ' Well . . . . . I had thought about Hairspray ' hurriedly followed by ' but they 're your tickets - you choose ! ' Result - 3rd October - Hairspray tickets available ( I was already feeling ' the motion of the ocean ' ) problem - you need a security code on the card to book on line . We have no code on the back of the card . But you can book by phone ! Or not - the next thing I hear is him yelling , yes yelling , at an automated telephone service thateasternsparkle The Hormone GuideWomen will understand this ! Men should memorize it ! Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands ! This is a handy guide that should be carried like a driver 's license in the wallet of every husband , boyfriend , co - worker or significant other ! DANGEROUSSAFERSAFESTULTRA SAFEWhat 's fordinner ? Can I help youwith dinner ? Where would you liketo go for dinner ? Here , have some wine . Are youwearing that ? You surelook good in brown ! WOW ! Look at you ! Here , have some wineWhat are youso worked up about ? Could we beoverreacting ? Here 's my paycheck . Here , have some wine . Should you beeating that ? You know , there area lot of apples left . Can I get you a pieceof chocolate with that ? Here , have some wine . What did youDO all day ? I hope you didn ' tover - do it today . I 've always loved youin that robe ! Here , have some wine . Forward this information to all of your friends and those who might need a good laugh . . . and men who need a warning . And , have some wine . Posted by Every now and then the odd gem gets tweeted on Twitter this could be one of them , dependant on how you view Walmart shoppers ! Or the English equivalent Asda ! Posted by An inbox special Tough Love v Smacking - Good Argument Most people think it improper to smack children , so I have tried many other methods to control kids when they have one of ' those moments . ' One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and chat . Some say it 's the vibration from the car , others say it 's the time away from any distractions such as TV , Video Games , Computer , iPod , etc . Either way , the child usually calms down and stops misbehaving after our car ride together . Eye to eye contact seems to help a lot too . Due to the success I have had I 've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son , in case you would like to use the same technique . This works with grandchildren , nieces , and nephews as well as friend 's children …… . . Yay - I passed last week 's challenge - with bells on ! Well , when I say passed I achieved 80 % which in terms of most exams is a good pass rate . I confess that I didn 't walk home on Thursday evening because I needed to go shopping first and that is far too far to walk - in either direction - at the end of a day . Not only did I achieve the 80 % pass on walking but I also kept on top of the ironing for the whole week which was brilliant . Another confession . One night I made such a noise about putting the ironing board up , John 's conscience kicked in and he took his turn - but the net result was the same , right - the ironing was done ! Oh - and I read most evenings before I fell asleep . All in all I consider that a good pass . So what about this week ? I 've been taking my inspiration from If You Give a Mom a Moment which is Erin 's blog . She calls her challenge FJ1W - For Just One Week . This week she has gone to a whole new dimension and is now calling the challenge FJ1SS - For Just One Stinking Semester . She 's going to become a fitness junkie - sorry but I can 't follow that ! So what am I going to do ? Building on last week I 'm still going to do the walking , the ironing ( or something similar ) and the reading and I 'm planning to add * fanfare * socialising ! I 'm going to make a real effort to catch up on all those phone calls that are long overdue . I 've become far too reliant on email and Facebook over recent months so it 's time to go back to the good old fashioned phone call - beware you have been warned if your number 's in my phone book - oh , and if I don 't get around to calling you , please don 't take it personally - I 'll have run out of time ! This is actually going to be quite some challenge , given my limited capacity for staying awake during the evening . OK - who 's going to be first on my list . . . . . . . Who remembers when phones really looked like this ? What a great day today has been , woke up to glorious sunshine and that hasn 't changed all day ! I 've been quite lazy because it 's been too hot to do much although the ironing is up to date ! I had a sneaky peak at today 's Sunday Stealing meme and though ' nah , not for me this week ' then mentioned it to number 1 son who promptly threw himself into it - he who mocks mother 's blogging , by the way ! You can see the results below . I have had so many visits to the Ramblings today and more comments than ever - thank you to all of you who have taken the trouble to share a little piece of my world , I hope you can find time to come back ! You might remember a couple of weeks ago I wrote about meeting up with Janet ? ( a reminder ) Well I am pleased to announce to the blogosphere that we have a new member , please welcome Janet at Just Jotting , treat her gently and be nice to her , please ! For somebody who didn 't have a clue what she was doing first thing this morning she 's done pretty well . As I 'm writing this England 's cricket team have just won the Ashes , for my friends across the pond this is a competition between Australia and England which holds such meaning and memories - a real grudge match and most often won by the Aussies - ha ha not this year ! Sorry , just composing myself again * straightens up and smoothes self down * . Ahem , where was I . Oh yes , remember when I started all this blogging business that I was having problems with my frost free freezer ? ( a reminder ) Well the problem has recurred . Only the top half of the freezer was cold and the top had frozen again , yesterday number 1 son assisted in the defrosting of the freezer and the removal of another bag of rotting food . I 've been all through the instruction manual and no where can I find anything that tells me to defrost it on a regular basis , so it will be a week of wait and see if it goes back to ' normal service ' if not another , no doubt hefty call out charge to get it looked at . Lovely future daughter - in - law received her exam results this week and has the grades Posted by I really was not going to do this one - it seemed far too darn hard and complicated , however my 21 year old son came to the rescue so here it is - Jodi 's meme from Sunday Stealing . The requirements of this one are to answer the questions with song titles from one artist and to only use each song title once , so here goes . Songs by Pink ( half of which I confess to never having heard ! ) ~ Are you a male or a female - Stupid Girl ~ Describe yourself - Sober ( boringly ) ~ How do you feel right now - Numb ( not really ) ~ If you could go anywhere , where would you go - Funhouse ( ? ) ~ Your favourite form of transport - 18 Wheeler ( so not ! ) ~ Describe your morning routine - Just like a Pill ( I take mine at night but heh ! ) ~ Your best friend is - Dear Mr President ( Sorry to my BFFs ) ~ What 's the weather like - Stop falling ( Pretend it 's raining OK ? ) ~ Pet peeve - Family portrait ( s ) ( hard to get everyone together ! ) ~ If your life was a TV show what would it be - Private Show ( nothing else remotely selectable ! ) ~ Your relationship - Is it love ( of course it is ) ~ Your fear - Split Personality ( ? ) ~ What is the best advice you have to give - Get this party started ~ If you could change your name what would it be - M ! ssunderstood ~ What do you say when you 're frustrated - There you go ( not really ! ) ~ Thought for the day - I 'm not dead ~ How would you like to die - Gone to California ~ Your soul 's present condition - Long way to happy ( not really as well ! ) ~ Your motto - Don 't let me get me ( actually quite an apt one - I 'm my own worst enemy ! ) That was quite fun in the end ! Number 1 son has now just come up with a load of brilliant suggestions from another great artist - maybe next time ! I 'm really sorry that I can 't credit this post back to where I read something similar but my brain is absolute mush at the moment and I can 't remember where I saw it . If it was your blog , please send me a memory jog and I 'll add the credit ! Whilst blog - hopping the other day I came across a post about the naming of blogs and I thought back to the day I decided to start Rambling . At the time I thought I was sooooo original in my blog name , to be honest I didn 't think for too long what to call it - it just sort of appeared on the page . Until I came to save it and I found out I was in no way original . There are loads of other Random Ramblings . Somehow I thought I was going to be unique but there are clearly other people with the same warped mind as me in the blogosphere ( hey - no spell check fail on that one ! ) So to answer the question ( are you getting the idea about the title now . . . ? ) I called the blog Random Ramblings because it is just that ! Nothing to do with walks in the English countryside , just the complete and unabridged version of the contents of my mind at the time - phew - glad I 've got that off of my chest ! By the way thanks to those of you who have commented on the last post , it 's great to know that you 've taken the time to share your thoughts with me . Still no resolution and I fear this may rumble on for some considerable time but at least it 's the weekend and nothing more can happen until Monday ! Have a great weekend - whatever you may be up to ; ) I have had a tough few days work - wise this week , I 've had to deal with a very unpleasant situation which still isn 't resolved and seems to have evolved daily . I don 't think any management course would have prepared me for this one and I 'm really hoping for some divine intervention from somewhere . At the moment I have one very unhappy member of staff who feels that her world is falling around her ears and however hard she steels herself against it there 's no protection . I hate conflict - life is far too short and at the end of the day , work is work and shouldn 't rule your life . Perhaps I 'll have some inspiration during tonight 's sleepless spell . Heaven knows I need something ! A lazy post today - copied straight from the inbox - please feel free to laugh out loud , it 's really good for you ! Two antennas met on a roof , fell in love and got married . The ceremony wasn 't much , but the reception was excellent . 2 . A jumper cable walks into a bar . The bartender says , " I 'll serve you , but don 't start anything . " 3 . Two peanuts walk into a bar , and one was a salted . 4 . A dyslexic man walked into a bra . 5 . A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm , and says : " A beer please , and one for the road . " 6 . Two cannibals are eating a clown . One says to the other : " Does this taste funny to you ? " 7 . " Doc , I can 't stop singing The Green , Green Grass of Home . " " That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome . " " Is it common ? " " Well , It 's Not Unusual . " 8 . Two cows are standing next to each other in a field . Daisy says to Dolly , " I was artificially inseminated this morning . " " I don 't believe you , " says Dolly . " It 's true ; no bull ! " exclaims Daisy . 9 . An invisible man marries an invisible woman . The kids were nothing to look at either . 10 . Deja Moo : The feeling that you 've heard this bull before . 11 . I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day , but I couldn 't find any . 12 . A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident . He shouted , " Doctor , doctor , I can 't feel my legs ! " The doctor replied , " I know , I amputated your arms ! " 13 . I went to a seafood disco last week . . . and pulled a mussel . 14 . What do you call a fish with no eyes ? A fsh . 15 . Two fish swim into a concrete wall . The one turns to the other and says , " Dam ! " 16 . Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly , so they lit a fire in the craft . Not surprisingly it sank , proving once again that you can 't have your kayak and heat it too . 17 . A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel , and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories . After about an hour , the manager came out of the office , and asked them to disperse . " But why , " they asked , as they moved off . " Because , " he said . " I can 't stand chess - nuts boasting in an open foyerPosted by Yes - I failed last weeks challenge when I promised to read for half an hour every evening . One miserable night was all I managed . I blame my choice of reading material , I normally force myself to finish what I start but I think this time I 'm going to concede defeat and pull back the cover of one of the three lovely new books just waiting for me . This week I 'm challenging myself to walk to and from work , I 've managed it tonight , yes I know it 's only Monday but it 's a better start than last week ! I have a confession though , it 's not much of a walk really - I can see work from my front door ! It usually takes me about 15 - 20 minutes door to desk and vice verse . The trouble is once I reach the building I see so many people in the long corridor it can take me twice as long ! It 's amazing the number of people who need to have corridor meetings at 8 in the morning ! I 'd just like to point out that this is not a caricature ! I can only dream of being that slim and wouldn 't even be able to contemplate walking in those heels ! I 'm one for the comfortable options now when it comes to footwear but that 's a whole new story . . . I know I 've said it before but I really thought I meant it this week ! This post was going to start with ' Sorry - no Sunday Stealing this week ' but I 've given in ! Only 10 questions how hard can that be ? ? ? ? ? OK - here goes this week 's Sunday Stealing Meme The Blame Tara MemeWho do you think is the hottest Movie star ? Mmmmm - not really a movie kind of person but I do have a very soft spot for Hugh Grant - OK , I can hear you all but there 's just something about him OK ? Apart from your house and car , what is the most expensive thing you have ever bought ? Probably our first computer , seems like forever ago now but probably only about 10 years agoWhat is your most treasured memory ? That 's a hard one - I probably need to say I have three if that 's allowed . Firstly my wedding day , at the time it flew by but looking back I remember quite a bit of what happened , second & third has to be the births of my sons ( sorry don 't mean to sound mushy but it 's a mushy kind of question ) What is the best gift you ever received as a child ? Can 't remember many gifts - possibly a doll that cried ! What is the biggest mistake you have ever made ? I have had to have a good think back about this one . I think possibly being offered a new job and then telling them I was pregnant ( too honest for my own good , remember ) , the offer was retracted ! Give four words to describe yourselfLoyal , friendly , slightly crazy and protective ( well , it did say four words ! ) What was your highlight or lowlight of 2008 ? Watching my dear friend and her family struggle following the breakup of her marriage - that was a real toughie ( sorry if you read this but it was / is ) What was your most embarrassing moment ? Can 't think of anything really but I 'll tell you a story about a friend ( who may or may not ever read this ) . She was working as an IT trainer and had a particularly dull group . Presenting on projector she decided it was time for a coffee break and proceeded to type that on to the screen ( almost ) she typed ' Does anybody wan * a coffee break ? ' ( substitute the * Posted by . . . if you had a day off and went back to work to find that a new person had started and had been given your desk ? And your computer . And your phone . And when you ask how you 're supposed to work , your boss says ' jump on somebody else 's PC when they go out ? ' As a manager I was horrified when number 2 son came home last night and told me what had happened - it just beggars belief that any manager could put their staff in this position , whilst still expecting them to function fully . He has ended up sitting at a table with no computer ( they realised at the end of the day yesterday that they would need to order one - doh ! ) and a phone that wasn 't connected into the system - therefore no sales opportunities . My heart bled for him last night , he seemed so vulnerable and bereft and for once actually seemed to want our advice - progress perhaps . Of course our advice wasn 't what he wanted to hear because it was that he should talk to his boss to tell him how he felt - apparently not an option as they have an open plan office and everybody else would hear . Personally I would have just said it but then that 's me - fly off the handle , get it off my chest and move on . Unfortunately ( or perhaps fortunately ) he is more circumspect in his moods , preferring to brood for several days rather than confront the issue head on . He 's just come home tonight having not addressed the issue but is happier in himself , thankfully . All of my fears for this job seem to be coming true , I can only hope that the branch manager realises what he 's done and how insensitive he has been , however I feel that may be a hope too far . I 've had a lovely day today - I went to a funeral . I can hear your sharp intakes of breath on that one - lovely day , funeral ? ? ? Yes it was a lovely day . My aunt died last week at the grand old age of 88 , she had an interesting life in which she worked full time for the most part . This particular aunt held a very special place in my life because she introduced my parents to each other - in other words if it were not for her I would not be here . Some who know the story might say that it 's her fault but I 'm taking the positive line on this one for a change , because if I wasn 't here then neither would my boys be - this could start getting very deep now so I should probably stop before I 'm out of my depth . Any way , what made it so lovely was that I was able to meet up with my cousins who I see so rarely . John and I were sitting in the car park when a couple walked across to their car . Having not seen Paul for at least 25 years I wondered it if was him , but I was undecided - I remembered him being taller or was that just because I was smaller ? I kept looking trying to be as discreet as possible and decided to casually get out of the car to sort out the flowers that I had brought ( whilst still peering across the car park ) to my shame I suddenly realised that the female was my cousin Lesley - how the hell I 'd not recognised her I do not know but I did confess , my excuse was that I was focused on her partner Julio who I had not seen for about 20 years and I was clearly blinded to Lesley 's presence ! ( I had seen Lesley only 18 months ago - hence the shame ) Anyway as it was Paul 's Mum 's funeral of course he wouldn 't be in the car park before the funeral party - doh ! When the party arrived I recognised Paul straight away - slightly older looking but still easily recognisable , his brother Peter was even more recognisable as I 'd only seen him 18 months ago as well . A lovely simple service , not many mourners but our family is diminishing annually now , and once the distress of the removal of the casket was over the mood lifted and rePosted by After completing yesterday 's meme I realised that I had lived in my current house for 11 years ! I therefore mislead you about where I lived 10 years ago ! After a great weekend , I was quite enthused about going to work today . I 've realised that I haven 't blogged much about work lately but here 's a little something to make up for it , with the minutiae removed . I needed to laminate some handouts which I 'd printed on bright gold coloured paper - trying to make them unmissable . The problem was , when I found the laminating pouches , some bright spark had used almost the whole box for small items - no multi items in one pouch - oh no , they had used the nice straight edge and cut the pocket about 2 inches from the edge , leaving the remainder of the pouch in two pieces and next to useless ! So there I am with 10 A4 sheets that I intended to cut once they were laminated and 15 half pockets , no guillotine to hand and time running away ! Picture this if you can , trying to line up the darn pockets and put the halved A4 sheets in centrally to put through the laminator - what a mess I ended up with ! And then when I ran out of scraps I had to use A3 pouches for what was left - another puzzle to fit together ! Anyway - net result was passable - hopefully they 'll have the desired effect ! I later turned detective - given a report containing data which I knew just couldn 't be right - that gut instinct when you know your area and have to challenge the impossibilities ! I think I have the answer to the cause of the problem but putting it right . . . . that could be a whole new ballgame , let 's just hope that it can be done by the flick of a switch ( or its electronic equivalent ) ! As usual when I arrived home I powered up the laptop and had my daily fix of Twitter , Facebook & blogs I 'm always drawn to Erin 's blog and just lately she has been setting herself a weekly challenge , I thought I 'd join in . My challenge this week is not sit with the laptop every evening and read my way through virtuality ( new word just made up ) but instead toPosted by This meme from Sunday Stealing includes some rules - it is the first one I 've come across that does , some challenging questions as well - mainly because I have to trawl back through the mire that is my memory - but here goes : Think back to 10 years ago this month ( August 1999 ) Write truthful answers and elaborate - this makes is more interesting ! If you don 't have a scanner you can omit number 14 , but if you can you should do it ! It 's about personal changes - have fun ! Then August 1999Age - 39Romantic Status - MarriedOccupation - something admin - I think that was a time when I worked in ITFun night out - fun nights in with friends - too tired for fun nights out ! My BFFs - had to look this up ( it means Best Friends Forever ) , probably Julie & LindaI spent way too much time - worrying about number 2 son ! I spent not enough time - on myself ! I wanted to be when I grew up - err - I was already grown up ! Biggest concern - number 2 sonWhat my biggest concern should have been - this is obviously aimed at a younger audience , I have no idea - my family were paramountWhere did I live - ColchesterDumbest thing I did that year - mmmm can 't think of anything for that oneIf I could go back to then and talk to myself I would say - ' Stop being so hard on yourself - life is not perfect ! ' Picture of me then - I promise that I have looked for one and can 't find anything ! Now August 2009Age - 49Romantic Status - MarriedOccupation - Manager in health serviceFun night out - what 's a fun night out ? Oh - probably going to football , that 's generally the extent of my nights out these days ! My BFFs - had to look this up ( it means Best Friends Forever ) , Julie , Linda & ShirleyI spend way too much time - worrying about number 2 son ! Nothing changes really ! Oh - and too much time on t ' internet and blogging stuff ( had to add that one ) ! I spend not enough time - keeping up with the housework L I want to be when I grew up - err - I am already grown up ! Now I just want to retire ! Biggest concePosted by Started today on the wrong foot ! I had my regular hair appointment this morning - something that John had kindly written on the calendar for me . I 'd got in my mind that my appointment was 11 o ' clock but the calendar said 9 - so off I went , the lovely Angela looked surprised to see me - so early ! Yes - my hunch was right , my appointment was at 11 ! Fortunately I only live a five minute walk away so I trundled back home , gave John a ticking off ( of course ) and proceeded to get on with some housework ( clothes now in loft and bedroom hovered - hurray ) before returning back to the hairdressers . You see , I had reason for wanting today to be just right . Earlier in the week I arranged with my virtual friend Janet to meet up , for the first time , for lunch . This is where the doubt about the hair appointment timing had first come to my mind , but I digress . Janet and I became friends on Twitter earlier on in the year through a case of mistaken identity and have built up a friendship through cyberspace in the meantime . We live only a couple of miles apart and have discovered similar traits as we have discussed many things on Facebook and Twitter . I know that Janet won 't mind me saying that both our husbands had expressed their worries about us meeting - I think that they were worried that one or other of would hit the other over the head with a blunt object and bundle them into the boot of a car ! ! Obviously this did not happen - trust me Janet survived and will be reading this at some time ! ! We arranged to meet at Arlingtons at 1pm for lunch - the original plan was for coffee but two hours later it was just as well we 'd changed our mind and had lunch ! We chatted away about our life stories and other halves and I think I speak for both of us when I see departed as real life friends - no longer virtual . We left each other with a hug and vowing to meet again soon - before we introduce the husbands to each other ! ! ! A quick trip to Lakeland to buy a new mop for the laminate floor - John destroyed the other one - aeasternsparkle I had a day off today ! After a very slow start I debated whether or not I should write a list of things I needed to do or just face up to the day drifting past without much productivity . After a flurry of activity I decided I would write a list and added the things that I had already done ( is that cheating ? ) Anyway - here is said list , with all the completed things marked offVacuum pack clothes to put in loftPut clothes in loft - need somebody else to do this for meSort out the rest of the clothesWash door matsDo the ironingHoover bedroomSort out the textiles for recycling - not for charity shopTake old towels to local RSPCA centreAttempt some gardeningI think I actually did quite well ! With the help of future daughter - in - law I recycled the textiles and took the towels to the local animal centre and even managed to spend an hour or so in the garden - if I could have one wish it would be that I had a neighbour who tended his garden . The garden next door is wall to wall weeds and all he does is mow it two or three times a year which results in brambles and coarse grass growing through into my garden - no matter what I do I can 't stop it . On the subject of future daughter in law they are continuing their mission for the perfect wedding venue and yesterday visited this lovely place , they even gave them a quote for what they think the cost will be in four years time ! So far this is the venue of choice , I hope that they don 't think I 'm , being too negative when I tell them to slow down a bit but I think it 's too soon - am I being hard ? Dinner calls - ready made lasagne I 'm afraid , I can 't be too much of a domestic goddess ! An interesting day today ! Apart from being woken up obscenely early by a neighbour this morning , today has been good . As you can see below I dutifully started the day with Sunday Stealing 's weekly meme - by the time I was half way through I was beginning to wonder why I 'd started but quitting is not in my nature . ( And no - the bedroom still isn 't done , but as Julie has already grounded me and stopped my pocket money , there 's not a lot of incentive to do it now ! ) We had a blast from the past via Facebook this morning , somebody that John worked with nearly 30 years ago made contact with me and in turn I put them on to him . He appeared to be quite excited - even managing a little instant messaging at one stage ! Of course as he was sitting Facebook - ing he wasn 't exactly in a position to criticise me for blogging , tweeting and generally surfing ! The first half of the morning just slipped past even though the ironing board stood poised with the iron on its holder , a quick trip to the supermarket and back to do the ironing . A few weeks ago I came across BookCrossing and sort of parked the idea at the back of my mind while I planned the holiday , intending to do something when I came home . Well today I registered on the site in preparation for my first book cross . Not knowing anybody else who does this I sought out advice from the Twitter community - I had five or six replies from people I don 't know ( even via Twitter ) encouraging me to make a start . Watch this space and I will let you know how I get on ! The problem is though that I seldom read a book these days unless I 'm on holiday - too busy blogging ! John and I took the opportunity to pay our respects to Sir Bobby Robson today by visiting the shrine that has appeared in Portman Road outside the football club . I think it would take a very hard hearted person not to have been moved . To my international readers , Sir Bobby was the manager of Ipswich Town Football Club from 1969 - to 1982 , arguably the best period in the club 's history . He also managed the Englieasternsparkle Sunday sure comes round quickly and with it the weekly meme from Sunday Stealing , I took a look at this weeks and I thought ' Nah , can 't be a * * * d ' but then I thought ' I 've started something now so really shouldn 't duck out when I don 't like the questions ' . So here goes : My roommate and I once : See last week 's meme , I 've never had a roommate so can 't answer this one ( see what I mean ? ) Never in my life have I : Played hooky , not from school or work . I 've always been frightened of being caught out , even now if I am away from work sick I will not leave the house ! High School was : Defining ! I had such grand plans and for what ? Left school at 16 and worked virtually ever since , apart for a couple of years when the boys were young . Still I suppose I haven 't done too bad considering . When I 'm nervous I : go to the loo a lot ! ( What else would you expect ? ? ? ) Oh and I get a dry mouth ( does that sound better ? ) My hair : Is probably longer than it has ever been , last time I went to the hairdresser I wanted it long enough to put up when we were on the ship to stop the wind blowing though , so I had barely nothing cut off - this time next week , however , it will be shorter ( but not a lot ) When I was 5 : was a long time ago , I can vaguely remember being at school and walking through deep snow to get there . When I turn my head left : I see the other end of the sofa where John will probably sit for most of today reading the Sunday paper ( he 's not there just yet though ! ) I should be : doing something other than this stupid meme , like tidying my bedroom ( note to Julie - no I didn 't get it done yesterday ! ) By this time next year : mmmm , we 'll all be another year older ? My favourite aunt is : all of them ! ( that 's an unfair question memer ) I have a hard time understanding : lots of things ! Why people insisting on trying to fix things that ain 't broken , I 'm all for progress but sometimes it 's not needed ! You know I like you if : I 'm not always polite to you ! My ideal breakfast is : cereal with ice cold skimmed milk , really refreshingIf you visit my home towPosted by I 'm a middle aged ( scary phrase ) blogger from Ipswich in the UK , I 've recently become a quilter and I like to share my journey on here . I also rediscovered my love of crochet a year or so ago so have gone form being a lazy blogger to a busy blogger ! Oh nearly forgot - I 've made some great friends throughout the blogosphere ! !
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The day after graduation was one of the best days ever . We went hiking in the Ozarks . To say it was beautiful just doesn 't work . It was more than that . It took my breath away . I could imagine soundtracks form Lord of the Rings playing in certain parts . Life keeps me running . I seem to always be " about to learn " to slow down and take in the moments and then off I go on another task . . . A week ago I returned from enjoying several days away from the family , visiting relatives and watching my daughter , Bek , graduate . This morning I have some time . . . I think . I could be washing walls and door jams in preparation of painting my bedroom . I could get some more laundry done . I have an ever present stack of filing staring at me from my desk top . But , I 'll take some time to share with my friends and family about my trip instead . . . or it might not get done ! It started with a lovely day at the spa . Kind of . I woke up early and drove to the airport , leaving behind 7 children ( it seems like I shouldn 't be calling them that anymore . . . they are getting so much older now . . . what do you call your children when they grow up ? ) and to everyone else on the airplane it was just another flight . For me , it was spa day . I sat back , enjoyed a book I 'd been trying to get to , took in several deep breaths and sighed . It was very nice to not be responsible for anyone besides myself . The next day , Rebekah and I stared out the window , watching the rain pour down . Now , Rebekah loves the rain . She always wants to go out and play in the puddles and go for long walks in the downpour . Me ? I am doing good when I take a shower and avoid getting water splashed on my face ! It 's my brothers ' fault . Whenever we were in a pool swimming . . . whenever there was a squirt gun . . . guess who got it ? Me . Right in the face . I don 't like the rain . But , Rebekah wanted to ride the city bus around , take me to the mall , and show me around . The weather forecast was not very promising . So , I wore my brother 's rain coat and decided to live life a little . . . and out in the rain we went . We ran . I started singing some such goofy song about singing in the rain and we were laughing and just as we neared the bus stop , we saw it . The bus . It just zoomed on by without us . Now , it was POURING . My feet were thoroughly drenched . My capri jeans were dripping , so what did I have to lose ? We kept laughing and splashing and it was fun . And wouldn 't you know it . . . as soon as our shoes and clothes were tumbling in the dryer and we were changed the sun came out ! ! ! We got ready once more and this time we made it to the bus stop on time . I love to goof off and laugh , but sometimes my children don 't get to share that with me because I have so much to do and get too busy . This was Bek 's and my day to just joke and laugh . We went into the mall and she wanted to get into one of those photo booths with me . I protested , saying , " Bek , I did not take the time to look pretty today . . . " And glancing at her , I continued , " and neither did you ! " So , we decided to pile our hair on top of our heads and take goofy pictures , since we knew they wouldn 't be beautiful pictures . . . The next day I spent several wonderful hours getting to know my nieces , Amanda and Jenny and their children . It was fun to see little Maggie warm up to me and giggle . Zachary tried to fool me , pretending to not want much attention , but I could tell he likes the lovin ' . Looking into Amanda 's eyes I can see our family resemblance . . . I see her eyes and think , " I 've seen those eyes before ! " They are a lot like mine . I hope she hasn 't minded too much when she 's been told that she looks a little like her Aunt Betty . I am proud of both of those girls . . . waking up each day to take care of their little ones . I particularly enjoyed holding baby Abigale and giving Jenny a break . I had to take her outside to get her away from her momma , but once I did , she could feel my mother love and relaxed with me . So , we settled in for a bottle and a nap and Jenny got to enjoy an hour to herself . Thanks Amanda and Jenny , for the hospitality - it 's great being family ! My mom and her love , Mike , drove in that day , too . It was wonderful to see how much Mike cares for my mom and the fun they have together . I couldn 't possibly repeat the things that we laughed about . . . but it was sure a great time ! ! ! Rebekah 's graduation was nice . Terri , my brother Ron 's wife , and I sat and tried to calculate how many hours I would spend in graduations . Well , you take 9 children . . . high school graduations take a couple hours . . . and then guess how many of those nine would be likely to graduate from college and add on hours for those graduations . . . I guess we passed the time supposing and calculating . Then my dear girl graduated . From before Nathan was born , he must have been sucking his middle two fingers . I never could break this boy of this habit . My dad always said , " Let the boy suck his fingers . . . you can always fix his teeth later , but if he needs this habit for security , you cannot fix his mind . " I noticed by the time he started kindergarten , that he sucked a LOT when he was thinking . It was a connection . . . like the battery of his brain was in his mouth , activated by these two little fingers . . . and he has a brilliant brain . . . Some scenes from Nathan 's life are imprinted in my memory . Like when he was a toddler sitting out in the driveway with the Tonka truck and Tonka loader and one of my kitchen spoons . . . playing as sweetly as any boy ever did . . . and out came some yellowjacket and stung him ! Oh ! The injustice of it ! Nathaniel has always been an easy child to raise . In school , he just " knew " things . I remember him reading out loud all the " Bob Books " to me . . . and he was a whiz in math . For the first year or so that I homeschooled him , I would begin a sentence and he would finish it for me . . . he had been paying attention all those early years and he just skipped ahead to Stephen and Julie 's grade and learned whatever they were learning , because he already knew kindergarten and 1st grade . And he thought the most unusual thoughts . . . for a 6 year old . He would hang out in the living room . . . thinking . . . after looking at the thermostat . He called out , " Mom ? What 's 82 plus 82 ? " " Wait ! Don 't tell me ! I know this ! It 's 160 ! " I started to correct his math , but before I could he said , " Oh , no . . . I forgot the 2 's . . . it 's 164 ! " So , I continued fixing dinner , amazed by my brilliant child . Then he was going to bed . . . laying there sucking his fingers and thinking . You could practically see his brain at work . I asked him what he was thinking about and he raised up a bit and said , " Oh , I was just thinking of how many pieces are on the chess board . . . I was counting up how many on each side and the total . . . " Mmm - hmmm . . . just what every 6 year old boy does when it 's bed time , right ? Just so you know , he is the undisputed chess champ of the family . Sometimes Stephen can get a game off of him , but not often . I will resist the more embarrassing ( for Nathan ) stories . . . but I will say that he has been a bit of a momma 's boy and I don 't regret that one bit . He has been a gift in my life . He has sang some lovely , sentimental songs to me with all his heart . . . but that 's all I 'll say . . . for his reputation . . . since he IS 14 now . . . Nathaniel is smart , but sometimes is unmotivated . . . well . . . lazy , truth be told . He plays a solid , strong game of tennis and gives his older brother a challenging match . He is set to move to his father 's home this summer and will play a lot more tennis than he does here with me . I am excited for him to have every good opportunity that he can take hold of and chase down each dream for his future that he has . On quiet evenings I will be missing him . . . wondering if he is sucking his fingers , trying to solve an algebraic expression . . . and I 'll be hoping to get a call asking me to come watch an important tennis match that he 'll have . Here is a slide show from Nathaniel 's 14th birthday celebration : I knew that my eyesight was changing . No longer was the fine print on the Tylenol bottle readable . Once I got it into focus by taking it further away from me , it could not be read . It was also getting more difficult to thread the needle on the sewing machine . So , into the eyedoctor 's office I went . And he smiled and said , " You have 20 - 20 vision ! Your eyes see perfectly ! " He went into some explanation about aging . Mmm - hmmm . The fine print stayed unreadable . It took several attempts to thread a needle . I went into the drug store and purchased magnifying eyeglasses because I really wanted to see more . But , when I wore them and looked up around the room , the rest of life was blurry . So , back into the office I went and had another exam . Several times I was trying so hard to focus that it seemed still objects were moving ! This time the Dr . said , " Wow . Your long distance vision is a little off . Your medium range vision is even more off . You must not be able to see much close up . " Finally . He was getting it ! He gave me another talk about aging , ordered tri - focals and out into the lobby I went . . . to pick out frames . I am now happily wearing my eyeglasses . Victor 's 4th grade class joined another 4th grade class and went on an overnight field trip to Sutter 's Fort . Joseph had the same opportunity last year and he and I had a fabulous time . This year , great memories were made once more . We had to wear " authentic " time period clothing . I made my dress , the teacher 's dresses , a cook 's dress and Max 's mom , Jill 's dress . I made Victor 's short pants . I couldn 't pass up the opportunity to see a boy in knickers , now could I ? We met at the school at 6 : 30am . While the children lined up and boarded the school bus , parents divided up and carpooled . After a brief stop at Starbucks , we were on our way . Parents arrived at the fort first and we began preparing stations for the children . I was a basket weaver and put out metal tubs and filled them with water , for soaking reeds to make baskets with . Other stations that the children had were : candle making , trapping , rope making , carpentry , kitchen and baking , stage coach , weaving and blacksmith . We were all dressed in time period clothes and the hustle and bustle did in fact feel like we were transported to another time . The bell rang to announce the children 's arrival . They had taken a bus to a local stop and boarded horse drawn carriages for their grand arrival at the fort . Each child had taken the name of a pioneer settler who had in fact traveled from the east to the west and stayed at Sutter 's Fort . They had prepared by studying their character and preparing speeches to give . So , parents gathered out front of the fort to welcome our travelers . After some group photos children went inside and began their activities at their stations . There was a half hour lunch and " mail call " . Parents were asked to secretly write a letter to each of these settlers , as if they were related in some way and turn it in at the school . I wrote a love note to Victor , as if I were a girl friend that he 'd left behind . He opened his mail , read it and quite embarrassedly stuck it into his cloth sack ! Children then continued to visit each station and as the afternoon wore on , they were a bit quieter and subdued . . . they were getting tired . Before we knew it , it was time to wrap up the stations and have dinner . Men had been cooking chickens on a spit over an outdoor fire , then they cooked the tri - tip . Dinner was tasty , but all of my food was cold . Guests were invited to eat first , then children and volunteer parents . A spraying hose began to wet the dusty ground and I could hardly sit still . I knew what was next ! ! A couple of musicians , also in time period clothing began calling out dances with their not so time period microphones . The children loved this . I loved it . I could imagine long ago when there were no televisions and game systems and families grabbed violins and guitars and had some great times with music and dancing . Nothing beats it . After the dancing , children gathered for singing and then as the sun set and the sky darkened , an Indian lady unraveled quite a fascinating bedtime tale . Our bags of bedding were put out on the grounds and our modern air mattresses were inflated . We snuggled down under the stars for a good night 's sleep . . . right ? Well , not exactly . Just as I was about to drift off to sleep , Victor and Max were woken for night watch . Children had been divided up into groups to walk the inside perimeter of the fort , keeping us settlers safe . They had wooden rifles ( that do NOT work , they are inactive toys ) . Well , Victor and Max did not want to wake up and it appeared that when we did get Victor up , he began to sleepwalk . He was drifting around the middle of the fort , aimlessly . We called him back and the men in charge of night walk helped him from there . He insists that he was awake . Sure thing . I don 't recall every falling asleep totally . In the morning we had to thoroughly clean up and pack up . After I got home , showered and thought I 'd become a modern day settler ( settling into my comfy bed ! ) , I noticed a package had arrive for me ! It was my mother 's day gift ! ! I am now pouring over 4 Chonda Pierce books and have acquired 5 of her dvds . Thank God for modern day books and videos ! Posted by
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I need to let my casual readers in on a little secret . Once and for all , I am not part of this sordid subculture . I have no interest in seeing a nude dog . I thought they were always nude , anyway . Even creepier are the Google hits where they are obviously looking for Emily Elizabeth in the nude . Now stop it . Do NOT read my blog if that 's what you 're looking for . I don 't want you as a reader . Go away . Rest your sick beady eye balls somewhere else . Get some help . Put your kids up for adoption . Tell your spouse about your problem . You must stop . . . NOW ! I like beer . I love to smile , laugh , giggle , whatever comes to my face and out my lips , whenever I am handed a drink . A few down and all my secrets are then in the hands of those that are handling me . Last night , I lost a bet . In lieu of money , I was told that I had to drink a shot of something . So Kristine , my bride , and a dear friend , mixed up eight different liquors and I poured pretty much six shots worth down my well - soothed esophagus . Then they began the tape rolling . They made me tell them Bible stories ( to be sure , Bible stories are much more interesting after a few ounces of liquor ) , asked me to sing ( which I thoroughly refused to do ) , and made me make a fool of myself - much to their delight . It wasn 't long before my stomach decided to betray me and I found myself leaning over the toilet ( which really needs to be cleaned . . . nobody wants to lean over a toilet that isn 't cleaned ) , which I absolutely hate . Nothing happened and I went to sleep straight away , remembering nothing more from the evening . I have no idea how I made it to my bed . Waking up at 7 : 41 AM , I felt refreshed - like a new man . No hangover . Nothing . I don 't get them . I also had no desire to drink again . Not that I won 't , it 's just that I don 't " need " it . I don 't get hangovers . I 've been smashed about a dozen times in my 33 years , mostly after awesome social occasions , and yet I walk away , remembering the festive evening , and go about my merry life . I don 't crave liquor , though I do like a good tasting beer . I don 't desire the feeling of getting drunk , though it is entertaining to those around me , especially my kids . In short , I can drink with no regrets and walk away without an addiction problem . It 's fun to tell people this , because they hate me for my lack of hangovers and it 's kind of a status symbol . But it also makes me see more clearly , how others aren 't as lucky as I am . Some people can 't drink and walk away . Some people so desire the feeling of getting drunk that they have to keep doing it , repeatedly , even though they have the pain of a hangover in the morning , their addiction being more important than comfort . For some people , it kills them financially , ruins families , friendships , makes enemies , and otherwise destroys lives . How did I get so lucky to be able to enjoy some fun and then move on when others can 't ? I don 't know the answer to this . It 's not like I have a will of steel , disallowing me to feed an addiction . In other areas of my life ( yelling about the house not being cleaned ) , I have a true addiction that keeps rearing it 's ugly head . I know my triggers and yet I stroll right into them - every single time . I want to change and I make small strides toward that end , at times , but I 'm never free . So I understand . And I have no answers . I won 't judge you . We are all struggling with something that we are actively working to change about ourselves - or maybe not . Even so , I won 't judge you . Kristine stumbled out of bed , her eyes half - closed from a perfect night of slumber , cuddled up to her favorite husband - me . In a daze , she tripped over my pants , stubbed her toe on a shoe I had tossed aside while falling into our Select Comfort bed the night before , and finally stepping squarely onto a G . I . Joe figure , the fake gun digging into the soft flesh of her perfect foot . Cursing into the crisp morning air , she walked off the pain , stomping down the two flights of stairs . Arriving in the kitchen , she surveyed the coffee grinder and noticed that it was empty . Opening the cupboard where we keep the Dunn Bros beans in an air - tight container , she was horror - struck . It was empty . No coffee ! ! ! Then she remembered that a few days back , she had purchased a liter of their black as night Infinite Black cold - pressed brew . It was in a bottle in the mini - fridge behind her , as she squatted in her white robe , a sight for anyone to behold . Spinning around on the balls of her feet , she opened the fridge and grabbed the bottle of black , thick liquid and stood up . Grabbing a glass , she dumped in a generous quantity of the liquid gold , capped the bottle , and returned it to the fridge . Then she walked over to the General Electric , stainless steel , side - by - side refrigerator , opened the door with a jerk , and grabbed the creamer . As she is known to do , she poured enough creamer into the cold - pressed coffee to turn it white , mixed it with a smooth - handled spoon from Ikea , returned the creamer to the side - by - side fridge , and lifted the glass to her beautiful lips . Vaughn Ohlman , the patriarch of the Ohlman family - literally , loves to tell the world how we have it all wrong . How marriage in the hands of " young people " is the reason why marriage doesn 't work . That , if only we followed the ancient Jewish story of ole ' Abe and his son , Isaac , all marriages would either be brilliantly perfect , or mostly work . Though , to be fair to Mr . Ohlman , his intentions are , though foolish and admittedly arrogant , expressly designed to stay in the good graces of the god he fears . He believes in simple cause and effect solutions to life , ignoring the fact that so many of the " do this and I will give you " promises in the Bible are nothing more than hogwash - a mind trick to get you to do something . Then , when the effect doesn 't happen , to fill your head so full of clauses where that god gets to back out of his promises , that you spin around in the world of cognitive dissonance , and believe that you are as evil as everyone says you are . Betrothal is the " biblical " idea where two fathers get together and decide to choose their respective son and daughter to be married to each other , in the future . They begin to " court " in some cases . In other cases , the parents treat them as a fully married couple with all the , shall I say , " benefits " . ; ) And yes , as in the case of Vaughn Ohlman 's little boy and his future daughter - in - law , they hadn 't met or more aptly put , been introduced to each other . [ The two hours ] was just a logistics time while Andrew ( the future daughter - in - law 's dad ) and I figured out how we would arrange things , what we would say , etc . . . Joshua and Laura had , years before , already ' decided ' . Or , rather , they had left the decision up to us , to their fathers . Together with the various counselors we sought we did all of the ' checking out ' while our children waited , anxiously and eagerly , for us to find someone . While I 'm sure they had their anxieties , from what they tell me neither one were particularly worried that we would pick a ' bad ' spouse for them … they were just worried it was taking so long ! That , Sir Vaughn Ohlman , is what everyone cares about . That you treat your children like property . Something to be handled - given away . You say you care for them . But you discount their feelings in all your other literature . Life , for your children , and your wife , for that matter , has nothing to do with what they desire or need , but simply what you allow them to have . Full control by daddy , all wrapped up in a pretty " god " bow . Sure , Joshua and Laura might have a happy marriage , as much as it can be happy . They may even have good sex , as they learn each other 's bodies , and so long as they can foray into fields of sexual freedom , such that you would frown upon . They may even write a blog about how happy they are and how they did everything right , according to god , concluding that that is the reason for their joy . But that 's Joshua and Laura . That isn 't every other boy and girl that follows your impassioned words . You compare every other marriage , not done like you say to do , to Bill Clinton screwing Monica in the Oval Office . You forget about the happy couples who had sex before marriage . You forget about the miserable couples who had no sex before marriage . You forget that this world is filled with nuances and differences , all beautifully mashed together in this epic ball of individuality and how that individuality creates unique relationships - some good , some horrid . But all different and revealing to true humanity . You may have heard of Michael Farris , founder of The Home School Legal Defense Association ( HSLDA ) and Patrick Henry College . Michael is very active in the homeschooling community and uses the advocacy power of the HSLDA to pressure governments to remove any and all regulation on those that teach their children at home . This gentleman has unflinching trust in every single parent that homeschools , including defending those that are accused of abusing or murdering their children . This article , The Sinister Side of Homeschooling , by The Daily Beast gives a clear narrative of why Michael Farris is dead wrong . The facts do not lie . Lack of regulation and increased secrecy , coupled with the large percentage of homeschoolers that follow ultra - conservative teachings , like the child abuse practices of Michael and Debbie Pearl , make stories of physical abuse , death , and sexual abuse an all too common story . Now , should you think that I , Incongruous Circumspection , am against homeschooling , I will put that thought to rest right now . I am not . I think that it can be done well and I have dear friends that are living proof of this . It works for some and I wish them the best of luck . But the frequency of the stories found on Homeschooling 's Invisible Children gives succinct examples as to why those that do it well should want to make sure they are proven both legitimate and loving . Pastor Larry Brown is a sexist , fearmongering , radical . According to him , television - anything with a screen , for that matter - is the reason why wives don 't participate in their duties , like cooking and getting pregnant . Larry gets the crowd pumped up by yelling platitudes like . . . Monopoly - Brown gets it wrong here . KIDS destroy monopoly . They see the money , the houses , the cards , the small silver play pieces and think , " Hey ! I bet I can stuff this in a purse ! " Or , " You know what ? These twenty - dollar bills would look really good , floating around in the dog 's water bowl . Family time - Wow . Some of my favorite memories of family time happened around the television . We 've watched movies , played Wii , dancing until the Wii hours of the morning , enjoyed football , threw stuff at the television when the Minnesota Twins lost ( there would be much less of a mess if we threw stuff at the television when the Twins actually win a game ) , stared at the thing when the screen went dark , wondering why , then noticing that all the power was off . Yes . Television is one way to enjoy good family time . Husband and wife fellowship - Well now . I 'm blushing . There is nothing like watching a horror movie , blood and guts flying all over the place , proper death sounds emitting from the gasping mouths of those disemboweled alive , feeling her hand lightly touch yours , and hitting the pause button to enjoy some hot fellowship . Good readers in your home - My kids can read just fine . They eat books . Renaya ( 11 ) will have read through the entire local library by the time she reaches 15 years of age . The crowd loses it . One can imagine , if the camera were to pan the audience , you would see people running up and down the aisles , stomping their feet , high five - ing their buddy next to them , who they just spent an evening with , the other night , watching American Idol . Yes , these religious crowds love this sort of thing . And then Brown hits his stride . Assuming a combative position , the axe in both hands , he confidently tells the crowd that their wives would never argue with them about smashing the television . The audience wonders why he is so confident and he gives them what they want by demonstrating how to look completely insane with an axe in your hands , when your wife walks in the room . We get the message . Women love television and men hate it that their wives are bringing that filth into their holy home . Only men desire to rid their homes of this evil presence . Women will want to argue and beg for the television to stay . Men must take it upon themselves to ignore her and do that which is right . Women then will wait it out and later beg for the television to return . A man 's only option is to threaten her with an axe - cementing the idea into the woman 's mind , that she is to go back into the kitchen and begin supper . Well played , Larry Brown . Well played . And to Ms . Brown , make sure you know the address of your nearest women 's shelter . Oh . . . and all you women in that crowd . You too . Sure , they are touching in this photograph , a much talked about indiscretion in the Bill Gothard and Doug Phillips / Vision Forum circles . But , no matter . The parents have nothing to worry about ! This chap is golden ! No , you read that correctly . The ever - smiling Jim Bob Duggar is confident in this perfect gentleman he has found for his daughter . The usual family settings being the only interaction allowed . The family doting on the couple , already marrying them off before they really know each other . The smiling faces . The awkward " 30 second or less " side hugs . And then , there 's the electronic spying . See , Ben and Jessa like to text . That 's what young kids do these days . But Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar can 't have that happening under there noses . No , that would be like having private conversations ! And that cannot be allowed ! Thus , Ben and Jessa text back and forth on their parents ' phones . Oh yes , Michelle . You get to see their most intimate and private conversations right there on your phone . They hold nothing back . Everything they ever wanted to say to each other , everything they really are , their deepest darkest secrets , their true beliefs , their burning doubts , their independent from their parents ' wishes hearts , yes . . . everything that you ever wanted to know , those kids are laying it all out before you . When a guy is pursing your daughter , you want to check him out and see if there are any red flags and with Ben , there hasn 't been . He is very sharp . It appears like a match made in heaven . Yes , Jim Bob and Michelle . Of course it appears like a match made in heaven ! Your carefully controlled children know exactly what you want to hear . One day , you 'll realize that human beings are independent thinkers and have separate dreams , goals , and yes , even beliefs . Maybe not with these two - but I guarantee you , as many children as you have , you WILL experience a shock one day . Count on it . I 'm 33 years old . I 've been alive for 12 , 193 days . Ample time for people to rough me up physically , emotionally , mentally , or any other way they may have been able to dig in a proverbial knife . I remember everything - mostly . I can see their faces , hear their voices , even imagine placing myself in the same situations , and coming out the other end , worse for it . Many religions and other creeds claim that a person needs to forgive . Some even go further and say to forget . Wise people attribute their longevity and lack of poor health to a lack of holding in the hurt from their past . But is that just a misplacement of cause and effect ? I mean . . . does a person really need to forgive someone who hurt them ? Or , can they just use it as a learning mechanism , feel the pain , know what they don 't like , and never allow that to happen again ? This throws out the notion of " forgetting , " which I think is unhealthy anyway . Otherwise , you 're throwing caution to the wind , allowing the victimizer to mess you up again . What say you ? We were poor . There were seven of us . We lived with a single mother who refused to work , thinking it was religious anathema for a woman to do so . So , we lived on about $ 16 , 000 a year in food stamps and cash assistance . My mother may have struggled , but we never noticed . The government helped , as well as everyone else that either took pity on us or fell in love with our family . The clothing we wore was old . The styles from a decade past , remembered by the olive greens , the oranges , the browns , the long hair on both men and women , the drugs . The seventies were over and yet our clothing was from that era . My hair was always in my eyes , my welfare glasses always broken and taped up with masking tape , never smart enough to try the clear stuff . My teeth were always brushed , but a bit crooked . My shoes were older . My backpack tattered and sometimes held together by those safety pins with the plastic animal heads at the end . But I didn 't care . Stepping up the stairs of that bus , my six siblings and I were met with chants of " NERDS ! NERDS ! NERDS ! " The other students were brutal . They called us the Adams Family , because there were a lot of us and we looked weird . For all they knew , we were magical and our mom had cast spells on the plum tree in the front yard , causing it to whither and grows prunes instead . But these kids needed us . They didn 't care about school . They wanted to have fun , bully other kids , and live up the life of an inner - city reprobate . They needed us to be able to copy our papers . We were smart and worked hard . Their taunts were just that - words . We could walk through the ghetto of North Minneapolis and hear perfect strangers whistle at us and yell , " It 's the Adams Family ! ! " Then they would run off and physically pick on other people . It 's sad , really . The taunter has to watch the success of the taunted . A sweet victory to those that are bullied . Less of a win for the old jeerer . So . . . to all you nerds out there . You fine girls and boys that are being picked on in school . Focus on the prize . There are plenty of adults who are more aware and more helpful if you claim that you have been bullied , than when I was a child . This is your time . Posted by She was wearing a side ponytail , and it looked adorable . I was a product of the 80 's and side ponytails were all the rage in those days , coupled with the scrunchy worn around the wrist . What would I know ? I thought girls were gorgeous then . I also knew that I had been picked on incessantly while in school , our clothes coming from Goodwill , The Salvation Army , and a little thrift store down the street , The Silver Angel , where we could pick up a pair of last decade 's tennis shoes for twenty - five cents . People also dropped bags of clothes they didn 't want anymore on our doorstep . We thought we were rich , but found out quickly that the reason they tossed them our direction was because nobody wore clothes from the 1970 's in the 1980 's . Even so , I didn 't much care . I wore whatever I wore anyway , sticking my chin out , caring not that I didn 't " fit in , " disqualifying myself , as a parent , to ever counsel my own children about what was stylish or not . Yes ! It looks freaking gorgeous Naya . But , keep in mind , I love ponytails anywhere . On the back , on the side . . . heck even in the front of your head or eighteen of them scattered around all over the place , including braided neck hair . Police brutality isn 't anything new . With the proliferation of cell phone cameras , it has become easier to highlight their tactics , though . To be fair , many cops do good and use these tactics where they are necessary , to placate violent alleged criminals . But , as you watch the video ( WARNING ! GRAPHIC ! ) in this article that I wrote you can clearly see that the beating of the gentleman was completely unnecessary . I am unabashed in my assessment . One expert who viewed the video footage agrees with me . I am not a abortion supporter , nor do I not support abortion . I simply support the environment of freedom where a woman has the ability to heavily weigh all her options , and choose the best one for her . Some may disagree with her choice , but they can rest assured that the woman alone knows all the circumstances surrounding her decision . Theory be damned . Life is complex . I recently had the great honor to write a little poetry for my brother in law and his new wife . I read the following writing at their reception . I hop you like it as much as I enjoyed writing and reading it . Love isn 't seeing a girl for the first time , across a clearing , struggling to set up her tent , and walking over to help . Love isn 't sitting in the rain for hours , trying to learn everything about this girl through deep conversation . Love isn 't watching her eyes and lips move , never being able to get enough of the way her nose jiggles up and down when she talks . Love isn 't realizing that this is the first girl you 've ever been able to talk to without your cheeks turning twelve shades of red . Love isn 't wrapping your arms around the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with , drinking in the scent of her unique perfume , your ears filling with the sound of your beating hearts . Love isn 't finding every waking ( and sleeping ) moment to see her smiling face , learning everything there is to learn , giving everything there is to give . Love isn 't driving for hours , in the middle of the night , seeking the darkest corners of the moonlit world , to get out and walk in the tall fields of corn , or the mosquito infested woods , surrounding each other with your arms as you went , trying as hard as you could , to halve the distance between you and her . Love isn 't standing up by her head , whispering in her ear , as she grits her teeth in agony , over bringing a new life into this world . Love isn 't casting off unnecessary impediments to living a life free of shackling ideology , strolling swiftly and deliberately into the unknown . Love isn 't standing in the living room while children perfect their wall art with pencil , crayon , marker , hammer and nails , anything that etched , talking about new paint colors , new carpet and trim , to be installed just when the grandkids begin the art all over again . Love isn 't washing mountains of dishes , thousands of loads of laundry , hundreds of toilets , changing hundreds of thousands of diapers , even the ones where the diaper seemed to be the only object on the child unsoiled . Love isn 't engaging in an all - out war or argument for days on end , working out bits and pieces of the discussion at the edges , Incongruous Circumspection I am a 30 something husband of one and father of 6 dynamic and loud children . My wife and I are still madly in love - at least in my view . My world is exciting , tense , and full of life . I love to write and hope to one day , do it full time . Enjoy my blog !
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I need to let my casual readers in on a little secret . Once and for all , I am not part of this sordid subculture . I have no interest in seeing a nude dog . I thought they were always nude , anyway . Even creepier are the Google hits where they are obviously looking for Emily Elizabeth in the nude . Now stop it . Do NOT read my blog if that 's what you 're looking for . I don 't want you as a reader . Go away . Rest your sick beady eye balls somewhere else . Get some help . Put your kids up for adoption . Tell your spouse about your problem . You must stop . . . NOW ! I like beer . I love to smile , laugh , giggle , whatever comes to my face and out my lips , whenever I am handed a drink . A few down and all my secrets are then in the hands of those that are handling me . Last night , I lost a bet . In lieu of money , I was told that I had to drink a shot of something . So Kristine , my bride , and a dear friend , mixed up eight different liquors and I poured pretty much six shots worth down my well - soothed esophagus . Then they began the tape rolling . They made me tell them Bible stories ( to be sure , Bible stories are much more interesting after a few ounces of liquor ) , asked me to sing ( which I thoroughly refused to do ) , and made me make a fool of myself - much to their delight . It wasn 't long before my stomach decided to betray me and I found myself leaning over the toilet ( which really needs to be cleaned . . . nobody wants to lean over a toilet that isn 't cleaned ) , which I absolutely hate . Nothing happened and I went to sleep straight away , remembering nothing more from the evening . I have no idea how I made it to my bed . Waking up at 7 : 41 AM , I felt refreshed - like a new man . No hangover . Nothing . I don 't get them . I also had no desire to drink again . Not that I won 't , it 's just that I don 't " need " it . I don 't get hangovers . I 've been smashed about a dozen times in my 33 years , mostly after awesome social occasions , and yet I walk away , remembering the festive evening , and go about my merry life . I don 't crave liquor , though I do like a good tasting beer . I don 't desire the feeling of getting drunk , though it is entertaining to those around me , especially my kids . In short , I can drink with no regrets and walk away without an addiction problem . It 's fun to tell people this , because they hate me for my lack of hangovers and it 's kind of a status symbol . But it also makes me see more clearly , how others aren 't as lucky as I am . Some people can 't drink and walk away . Some people so desire the feeling of getting drunk that they have to keep doing it , repeatedly , even though they have the pain of a hangover in the morning , their addiction being more important than comfort . For some people , it kills them financially , ruins families , friendships , makes enemies , and otherwise destroys lives . How did I get so lucky to be able to enjoy some fun and then move on when others can 't ? I don 't know the answer to this . It 's not like I have a will of steel , disallowing me to feed an addiction . In other areas of my life ( yelling about the house not being cleaned ) , I have a true addiction that keeps rearing it 's ugly head . I know my triggers and yet I stroll right into them - every single time . I want to change and I make small strides toward that end , at times , but I 'm never free . So I understand . And I have no answers . I won 't judge you . We are all struggling with something that we are actively working to change about ourselves - or maybe not . Even so , I won 't judge you . Kristine stumbled out of bed , her eyes half - closed from a perfect night of slumber , cuddled up to her favorite husband - me . In a daze , she tripped over my pants , stubbed her toe on a shoe I had tossed aside while falling into our Select Comfort bed the night before , and finally stepping squarely onto a G . I . Joe figure , the fake gun digging into the soft flesh of her perfect foot . Cursing into the crisp morning air , she walked off the pain , stomping down the two flights of stairs . Arriving in the kitchen , she surveyed the coffee grinder and noticed that it was empty . Opening the cupboard where we keep the Dunn Bros beans in an air - tight container , she was horror - struck . It was empty . No coffee ! ! ! Then she remembered that a few days back , she had purchased a liter of their black as night Infinite Black cold - pressed brew . It was in a bottle in the mini - fridge behind her , as she squatted in her white robe , a sight for anyone to behold . Spinning around on the balls of her feet , she opened the fridge and grabbed the bottle of black , thick liquid and stood up . Grabbing a glass , she dumped in a generous quantity of the liquid gold , capped the bottle , and returned it to the fridge . Then she walked over to the General Electric , stainless steel , side - by - side refrigerator , opened the door with a jerk , and grabbed the creamer . As she is known to do , she poured enough creamer into the cold - pressed coffee to turn it white , mixed it with a smooth - handled spoon from Ikea , returned the creamer to the side - by - side fridge , and lifted the glass to her beautiful lips . Vaughn Ohlman , the patriarch of the Ohlman family - literally , loves to tell the world how we have it all wrong . How marriage in the hands of " young people " is the reason why marriage doesn 't work . That , if only we followed the ancient Jewish story of ole ' Abe and his son , Isaac , all marriages would either be brilliantly perfect , or mostly work . Though , to be fair to Mr . Ohlman , his intentions are , though foolish and admittedly arrogant , expressly designed to stay in the good graces of the god he fears . He believes in simple cause and effect solutions to life , ignoring the fact that so many of the " do this and I will give you " promises in the Bible are nothing more than hogwash - a mind trick to get you to do something . Then , when the effect doesn 't happen , to fill your head so full of clauses where that god gets to back out of his promises , that you spin around in the world of cognitive dissonance , and believe that you are as evil as everyone says you are . Betrothal is the " biblical " idea where two fathers get together and decide to choose their respective son and daughter to be married to each other , in the future . They begin to " court " in some cases . In other cases , the parents treat them as a fully married couple with all the , shall I say , " benefits " . ; ) And yes , as in the case of Vaughn Ohlman 's little boy and his future daughter - in - law , they hadn 't met or more aptly put , been introduced to each other . [ The two hours ] was just a logistics time while Andrew ( the future daughter - in - law 's dad ) and I figured out how we would arrange things , what we would say , etc . . . Joshua and Laura had , years before , already ' decided ' . Or , rather , they had left the decision up to us , to their fathers . Together with the various counselors we sought we did all of the ' checking out ' while our children waited , anxiously and eagerly , for us to find someone . While I 'm sure they had their anxieties , from what they tell me neither one were particularly worried that we would pick a ' bad ' spouse for them … they were just worried it was taking so long ! That , Sir Vaughn Ohlman , is what everyone cares about . That you treat your children like property . Something to be handled - given away . You say you care for them . But you discount their feelings in all your other literature . Life , for your children , and your wife , for that matter , has nothing to do with what they desire or need , but simply what you allow them to have . Full control by daddy , all wrapped up in a pretty " god " bow . Sure , Joshua and Laura might have a happy marriage , as much as it can be happy . They may even have good sex , as they learn each other 's bodies , and so long as they can foray into fields of sexual freedom , such that you would frown upon . They may even write a blog about how happy they are and how they did everything right , according to god , concluding that that is the reason for their joy . But that 's Joshua and Laura . That isn 't every other boy and girl that follows your impassioned words . You compare every other marriage , not done like you say to do , to Bill Clinton screwing Monica in the Oval Office . You forget about the happy couples who had sex before marriage . You forget about the miserable couples who had no sex before marriage . You forget that this world is filled with nuances and differences , all beautifully mashed together in this epic ball of individuality and how that individuality creates unique relationships - some good , some horrid . But all different and revealing to true humanity . You may have heard of Michael Farris , founder of The Home School Legal Defense Association ( HSLDA ) and Patrick Henry College . Michael is very active in the homeschooling community and uses the advocacy power of the HSLDA to pressure governments to remove any and all regulation on those that teach their children at home . This gentleman has unflinching trust in every single parent that homeschools , including defending those that are accused of abusing or murdering their children . This article , The Sinister Side of Homeschooling , by The Daily Beast gives a clear narrative of why Michael Farris is dead wrong . The facts do not lie . Lack of regulation and increased secrecy , coupled with the large percentage of homeschoolers that follow ultra - conservative teachings , like the child abuse practices of Michael and Debbie Pearl , make stories of physical abuse , death , and sexual abuse an all too common story . Now , should you think that I , Incongruous Circumspection , am against homeschooling , I will put that thought to rest right now . I am not . I think that it can be done well and I have dear friends that are living proof of this . It works for some and I wish them the best of luck . But the frequency of the stories found on Homeschooling 's Invisible Children gives succinct examples as to why those that do it well should want to make sure they are proven both legitimate and loving . Pastor Larry Brown is a sexist , fearmongering , radical . According to him , television - anything with a screen , for that matter - is the reason why wives don 't participate in their duties , like cooking and getting pregnant . Larry gets the crowd pumped up by yelling platitudes like . . . Monopoly - Brown gets it wrong here . KIDS destroy monopoly . They see the money , the houses , the cards , the small silver play pieces and think , " Hey ! I bet I can stuff this in a purse ! " Or , " You know what ? These twenty - dollar bills would look really good , floating around in the dog 's water bowl . Family time - Wow . Some of my favorite memories of family time happened around the television . We 've watched movies , played Wii , dancing until the Wii hours of the morning , enjoyed football , threw stuff at the television when the Minnesota Twins lost ( there would be much less of a mess if we threw stuff at the television when the Twins actually win a game ) , stared at the thing when the screen went dark , wondering why , then noticing that all the power was off . Yes . Television is one way to enjoy good family time . Husband and wife fellowship - Well now . I 'm blushing . There is nothing like watching a horror movie , blood and guts flying all over the place , proper death sounds emitting from the gasping mouths of those disemboweled alive , feeling her hand lightly touch yours , and hitting the pause button to enjoy some hot fellowship . Good readers in your home - My kids can read just fine . They eat books . Renaya ( 11 ) will have read through the entire local library by the time she reaches 15 years of age . The crowd loses it . One can imagine , if the camera were to pan the audience , you would see people running up and down the aisles , stomping their feet , high five - ing their buddy next to them , who they just spent an evening with , the other night , watching American Idol . Yes , these religious crowds love this sort of thing . And then Brown hits his stride . Assuming a combative position , the axe in both hands , he confidently tells the crowd that their wives would never argue with them about smashing the television . The audience wonders why he is so confident and he gives them what they want by demonstrating how to look completely insane with an axe in your hands , when your wife walks in the room . We get the message . Women love television and men hate it that their wives are bringing that filth into their holy home . Only men desire to rid their homes of this evil presence . Women will want to argue and beg for the television to stay . Men must take it upon themselves to ignore her and do that which is right . Women then will wait it out and later beg for the television to return . A man 's only option is to threaten her with an axe - cementing the idea into the woman 's mind , that she is to go back into the kitchen and begin supper . Well played , Larry Brown . Well played . And to Ms . Brown , make sure you know the address of your nearest women 's shelter . Oh . . . and all you women in that crowd . You too . Sure , they are touching in this photograph , a much talked about indiscretion in the Bill Gothard and Doug Phillips / Vision Forum circles . But , no matter . The parents have nothing to worry about ! This chap is golden ! No , you read that correctly . The ever - smiling Jim Bob Duggar is confident in this perfect gentleman he has found for his daughter . The usual family settings being the only interaction allowed . The family doting on the couple , already marrying them off before they really know each other . The smiling faces . The awkward " 30 second or less " side hugs . And then , there 's the electronic spying . See , Ben and Jessa like to text . That 's what young kids do these days . But Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar can 't have that happening under there noses . No , that would be like having private conversations ! And that cannot be allowed ! Thus , Ben and Jessa text back and forth on their parents ' phones . Oh yes , Michelle . You get to see their most intimate and private conversations right there on your phone . They hold nothing back . Everything they ever wanted to say to each other , everything they really are , their deepest darkest secrets , their true beliefs , their burning doubts , their independent from their parents ' wishes hearts , yes . . . everything that you ever wanted to know , those kids are laying it all out before you . When a guy is pursing your daughter , you want to check him out and see if there are any red flags and with Ben , there hasn 't been . He is very sharp . It appears like a match made in heaven . Yes , Jim Bob and Michelle . Of course it appears like a match made in heaven ! Your carefully controlled children know exactly what you want to hear . One day , you 'll realize that human beings are independent thinkers and have separate dreams , goals , and yes , even beliefs . Maybe not with these two - but I guarantee you , as many children as you have , you WILL experience a shock one day . Count on it . I 'm 33 years old . I 've been alive for 12 , 193 days . Ample time for people to rough me up physically , emotionally , mentally , or any other way they may have been able to dig in a proverbial knife . I remember everything - mostly . I can see their faces , hear their voices , even imagine placing myself in the same situations , and coming out the other end , worse for it . Many religions and other creeds claim that a person needs to forgive . Some even go further and say to forget . Wise people attribute their longevity and lack of poor health to a lack of holding in the hurt from their past . But is that just a misplacement of cause and effect ? I mean . . . does a person really need to forgive someone who hurt them ? Or , can they just use it as a learning mechanism , feel the pain , know what they don 't like , and never allow that to happen again ? This throws out the notion of " forgetting , " which I think is unhealthy anyway . Otherwise , you 're throwing caution to the wind , allowing the victimizer to mess you up again . What say you ? We were poor . There were seven of us . We lived with a single mother who refused to work , thinking it was religious anathema for a woman to do so . So , we lived on about $ 16 , 000 a year in food stamps and cash assistance . My mother may have struggled , but we never noticed . The government helped , as well as everyone else that either took pity on us or fell in love with our family . The clothing we wore was old . The styles from a decade past , remembered by the olive greens , the oranges , the browns , the long hair on both men and women , the drugs . The seventies were over and yet our clothing was from that era . My hair was always in my eyes , my welfare glasses always broken and taped up with masking tape , never smart enough to try the clear stuff . My teeth were always brushed , but a bit crooked . My shoes were older . My backpack tattered and sometimes held together by those safety pins with the plastic animal heads at the end . But I didn 't care . Stepping up the stairs of that bus , my six siblings and I were met with chants of " NERDS ! NERDS ! NERDS ! " The other students were brutal . They called us the Adams Family , because there were a lot of us and we looked weird . For all they knew , we were magical and our mom had cast spells on the plum tree in the front yard , causing it to whither and grows prunes instead . But these kids needed us . They didn 't care about school . They wanted to have fun , bully other kids , and live up the life of an inner - city reprobate . They needed us to be able to copy our papers . We were smart and worked hard . Their taunts were just that - words . We could walk through the ghetto of North Minneapolis and hear perfect strangers whistle at us and yell , " It 's the Adams Family ! ! " Then they would run off and physically pick on other people . It 's sad , really . The taunter has to watch the success of the taunted . A sweet victory to those that are bullied . Less of a win for the old jeerer . So . . . to all you nerds out there . You fine girls and boys that are being picked on in school . Focus on the prize . There are plenty of adults who are more aware and more helpful if you claim that you have been bullied , than when I was a child . This is your time . Posted by She was wearing a side ponytail , and it looked adorable . I was a product of the 80 's and side ponytails were all the rage in those days , coupled with the scrunchy worn around the wrist . What would I know ? I thought girls were gorgeous then . I also knew that I had been picked on incessantly while in school , our clothes coming from Goodwill , The Salvation Army , and a little thrift store down the street , The Silver Angel , where we could pick up a pair of last decade 's tennis shoes for twenty - five cents . People also dropped bags of clothes they didn 't want anymore on our doorstep . We thought we were rich , but found out quickly that the reason they tossed them our direction was because nobody wore clothes from the 1970 's in the 1980 's . Even so , I didn 't much care . I wore whatever I wore anyway , sticking my chin out , caring not that I didn 't " fit in , " disqualifying myself , as a parent , to ever counsel my own children about what was stylish or not . Yes ! It looks freaking gorgeous Naya . But , keep in mind , I love ponytails anywhere . On the back , on the side . . . heck even in the front of your head or eighteen of them scattered around all over the place , including braided neck hair . Police brutality isn 't anything new . With the proliferation of cell phone cameras , it has become easier to highlight their tactics , though . To be fair , many cops do good and use these tactics where they are necessary , to placate violent alleged criminals . But , as you watch the video ( WARNING ! GRAPHIC ! ) in this article that I wrote you can clearly see that the beating of the gentleman was completely unnecessary . I am unabashed in my assessment . One expert who viewed the video footage agrees with me . I am not a abortion supporter , nor do I not support abortion . I simply support the environment of freedom where a woman has the ability to heavily weigh all her options , and choose the best one for her . Some may disagree with her choice , but they can rest assured that the woman alone knows all the circumstances surrounding her decision . Theory be damned . Life is complex . I recently had the great honor to write a little poetry for my brother in law and his new wife . I read the following writing at their reception . I hop you like it as much as I enjoyed writing and reading it . Love isn 't seeing a girl for the first time , across a clearing , struggling to set up her tent , and walking over to help . Love isn 't sitting in the rain for hours , trying to learn everything about this girl through deep conversation . Love isn 't watching her eyes and lips move , never being able to get enough of the way her nose jiggles up and down when she talks . Love isn 't realizing that this is the first girl you 've ever been able to talk to without your cheeks turning twelve shades of red . Love isn 't wrapping your arms around the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with , drinking in the scent of her unique perfume , your ears filling with the sound of your beating hearts . Love isn 't finding every waking ( and sleeping ) moment to see her smiling face , learning everything there is to learn , giving everything there is to give . Love isn 't driving for hours , in the middle of the night , seeking the darkest corners of the moonlit world , to get out and walk in the tall fields of corn , or the mosquito infested woods , surrounding each other with your arms as you went , trying as hard as you could , to halve the distance between you and her . Love isn 't standing up by her head , whispering in her ear , as she grits her teeth in agony , over bringing a new life into this world . Love isn 't casting off unnecessary impediments to living a life free of shackling ideology , strolling swiftly and deliberately into the unknown . Love isn 't standing in the living room while children perfect their wall art with pencil , crayon , marker , hammer and nails , anything that etched , talking about new paint colors , new carpet and trim , to be installed just when the grandkids begin the art all over again . Love isn 't washing mountains of dishes , thousands of loads of laundry , hundreds of toilets , changing hundreds of thousands of diapers , even the ones where the diaper seemed to be the only object on the child unsoiled . Love isn 't engaging in an all - out war or argument for days on end , working out bits and pieces of the discussion at the edges , Incongruous Circumspection I am a 30 something husband of one and father of 6 dynamic and loud children . My wife and I are still madly in love - at least in my view . My world is exciting , tense , and full of life . I love to write and hope to one day , do it full time . Enjoy my blog !
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Newspaper stories that covered the legal battle between Stanley McCormick 's wife and his siblings over his custody , and the obituaries that appeared after his death , said that " his mind collapsed , " that he was kept " under restraint , " and that he was " hopelessly insane . " They called him the " mad millionaire , " " America 's wealthiest incompetent citizen , " and a " tragic misfortune . " But they never said much about what was going on in the mansion where he was confined - - didn 't explain that for two decades he was kept away from all women because his doctors and his family believed that the mere presence of a woman could arouse him to sexual violence . Because Riven Rock is a piece of fiction , it 's not ruled by any particular obligation to tell the truth . Which means that some details are made up and some aren 't . The person who knows is Boyle , also the author of The Road to Wellville , The Tortilla Curtain , and eight other novels and short story collections . But most readers don 't have Boyle in the room with them to answer the questions about truth and fiction that his book inevitably brings up . Knowing that Riven Rock is based on actual people - - not just Stanley McCormick but his wife , parents , brothers and sisters , in - laws , and doctors and nurses - - makes reading it both more intriguing and more frustrating . Intriguing not only because it 's a well - written and absorbing story , but because there 's always the question about which parts of the story come from real lives and which from Boyle 's imagination . And frustrating because the question never gets answered . Did McCormick really break out of his private rail car and attack a woman while being transported by train from a Boston asylum to California ? Did his sister Mary Virginia , who also suffered from mental illness , strip naked in front of Stanley in the bathroom of their Rush Street mansion while their father 's body lay in state in the parlor ? Was the only woman he ever had sex with a Paris hooker he picked up hours after seeing off his domineering mother on her voyage home to Chicago ? Did he sleep in a harness ? Did his wife have a long - term lesbian relationship while trying to find a cure for him ? When he looked in the mirror , did Stanley sometimes see a dog 's face instead of his own ? " It 's a true story , but I 'm telling my version , the way Shakespeare told his version of English history in the Henry plays , " Boyle says . " Only I know where the blend is , what 's true and what 's not , and I think that should be interesting for the reader . Some of the most ridiculous things in the story are true . " Boyle is , of course , not the first writer to swirl together fact and fiction . From Homer forward to Dominick Dunne , storytellers have rehashed actual events and real lives within imagined tales . The same technique floats a movie like Titanic . Then there are the best - selling books Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and Primary Colors , both of which keep readers speculating about exactly where the line is between reality and fiction . Boyle says , " My interest is purely in creating a work of art . But a work of art has to have at its root a great story that gets you by the nose and doesn 't let you go . I think the true story of Stanley and Katherine is utterly fascinating . " Unfortunately , what 's known of the couple 's 43 - year marriage , which they may never have consummated , is really only the bones of a story . Even though many of the details of Stanley 's strange life were documented by his doctors and during a venomous court battle between his wife and his siblings , a lot of the historical record is , like real life , sloppy and inconclusive . That 's where Boyle comes in . He 's not writing about real life , so when the facts don 't point the story along the trajectory he envisions , he can change them . He takes those bones of a story and hangs flesh on them , along the way creating human characters that look and feel real , regardless of whether they are identical to the originals . " I like the story of Stanley and Katherine because there was trouble between them that hooked up to questions about who we are , what is normal , and what fidelity means in a marriage , " Boyle says . " In our heterosexual lives , some people can do it and some people can 't . They can 't cross the barrier of letting their animal nature come through , of shutting down their conscious mind for a while . Stanley is an extreme case of that . " Cyrus McCormick was 65 years old and world famous - - Nettie was 39 - - when Stanley was born . After inventing a horse - drawn device for harvesting wheat mechanically in 1831 ( or , as some stories put it , patenting a machine his father had invented 15 years before ) , Cyrus had put it aside for a few years while trying to perfect other inventions and get various businesses going . Eventually he returned to the reaper , selling seven in 1842 . Word quickly spread far beyond Cyrus 's home turf , Rockbridge County , Virginia , that someone had at last developed a machine that farmers had wanted for centuries . According to Seed - Time , 1809 - 1856 , the first of two volumes in a biography of Cyrus written by University of Chicago history professor William Hutchinson in 1930 , horsepower had been applied years before to other labor - intensive farm tasks such as plowing , seeding , and hay raking , but harvesting grain was still being done the way it had been for 6 , 000 years - - by hand . " There were few tasks of the farmer less idyllic or more back - breaking and exhausting , " Hutchinson wrote . So when McCormick 's machine , and a few competitors , came along , temperate , grain - growing regions all over the globe were potentially hot markets for it . In 1847 he picked Chicago as a strategic location from which to capture the American farm territory , which was spreading west . He moved his headquarters here and brought along two of his brothers to help run the company . It was a good choice for McCormick and for Chicago , says Ted Karamanski , a Loyola University history professor . " When Cyrus put his factory here , there was nothing on the industrial scene like it , " Karamanski says . " The reaper works showed that Chicago would become an industrial center of the west . " In 1848 McCormick sold 800 reapers , and the business kept booming . By 1864 he was said to have a personal income of $ 2 , 000 a day . With his brothers overseeing things in Chicago , he traveled around the world touting his machine , defending his patent against all competitors , and befriending Napoleon III and other world figures . One crucial episode in their lives shows just how seriously Cyrus and Nettie took her role as mother of the next generation of McCormicks . In 1871 , a year that McCormick sold 10 , 000 reapers , the fire devastated his factory on the north bank of the Chicago River east of Michigan Avenue , where the Equitable Building is now . Cyrus , who was 62 and fabulously rich , considered retiring . But according to Nettie Fowler McCormick , a fawning biography written in 1956 , he left the decision to his wife . Because she was just 36 years old , he told her , " You will outlive me and have the children to care for . You must decide . " At her direction , the company built a new factory on the south branch of the Chicago River along Blue Island Avenue . Boyle writes that Stanley hardly knew his old , sick , and busy father and didn 't like the little he knew . While the patriarch lay in state and nine - year - old Stanley was being led to view the body , the boy " felt nothing but guilt . Not sorrow , not loss , but guilt . . . . When his mother had convened the family nightly to pray for his father 's recovery , Stanley had bowed his head and pleaded with God to take the old Reaper King away forever . And God had listened , because Stanley didn 't love his progenitor and provider the way a son should - - he feared him , feared and loathed him , and shrank away from his booming wheeze and his twisted shellacked hands . . . . It was a terrible thing not to love your father , a sin that reverberated through all the chasms of hell and howled in the very ears of the Devil himself . Stanley was a patricide , an ingrate , a worm . And he was only nine years old . " Another take on Cyrus 's impact on Stanley shows up in an article published 25 years ago in the Chicago Sun - Times . Ruth Roberts of Lake Forest , a grandniece of Cyrus McCormick , was still bitter over the way Cyrus is said to have cut the family out of proceeds of a machine his father either invented or paved the way for . Roberts spared nothing in dredging up old family lore about what a bully and a tyrant Cyrus was . Insisting that his sons would follow him into the business , Cyrus ordered tutors to drill Stanley and his brother Harold in math and mechanical science , Roberts wrote . ( The oldest son , Cyrus Jr . , was already working for his dad at the time she was writing about . ) Under the harsh regimen , she wrote , Harold " became a bon vivant who took studies lightly . . . . Stanley wilted . " By the time his father died , " frail , serious Stanley had become a lonely recluse . " Whatever Cyrus did to or for Stanley , Boyle believes his impact on his son 's mental health was nothing compared to Nettie 's . " Nettie is the one to blame for what happened to Stanley , " he says . " She warped Stanley sexually . She was the ultimate castrating and domineering mother . She had lost two children to disease , she had lost her husband , and now she was looking ahead at living alone in this big house and wanted to baby her youngest . This is a relatively common problem . " When , as a handsome and athletic Princeton alum in his 20s , Stanley determined that the family business made him too tense , he tried ranching in New Mexico . His mother , according to her biographer , " approved sufficiently ; but no doubt his [ later ] entry into the family business gave her the deepest gratification . The clear destiny of her husband 's sons was the great business that he had created . There Stanley as well as Cyrus and Harold belonged and there Stanley 's own conscientiousness put him . " Although her position is funded by a McCormick trust , she takes an objective view of the family . Her extensive readings in the voluminous McCormick family papers , which were transferred to Madison in the 1940s from a McCormick family museum and library in the old Rush Street mansion , tell her that Nettie was " obsessive and controlling . She was quite vigilant about what they ate and when they ate , and inquired obsessively about their health even long after they were grown up . She definitely had the means to be controlling about her children 's welfare . And remember , she had lost two children in infancy , which would have shaped her outlook about her children , probably . That puts an extra twist on Stanley being her youngest and being ill as a child " - - with a severe and near - fatal fever . Nettie had two living daughters ; one of them , Mary Virginia , was , like Stanley , schizophrenic and sent away to a series of hospitals and estates ( she was the first resident of Riven Rock , which Stanley helped design while he was still lucid ) . The other daughter , Anita , appears to have managed to remain close to her mother even though she could see clearly the older woman 's damaging ways . Anita 's biographer ( and grandson - in - law ) , Gilbert Harrison , wrote about her girlhood : " So that Anita would be reminded of her slowness in reaching the breakfast table , the child was obliged to record how long it took to brush her teeth and to dress each morning . " Harrison dutifully recorded this and many other observations in his book A Timeless Affair : The Life of Anita McCormick Blaine . Published in 1979 , it 's as open an account of the family 's inner workings , and of Stanley 's life , as had come along before Boyle 's book . Anita recounts that when bringing up her son Emmons , she " wanted to give Em a sense of modesty , but without the tormenting guilt which had darkened Stanley 's childhood . " Stanley moved into the Rush Street mansion to live with his mother after graduating from Princeton with honors in 1895 . ( His playboy brother Harold , who graduated alongside him , got married that summer . ) A battle of wills that had been raging inside him turned into a struggle between him and his mother . " Having been taught not to reveal his body to anyone , he associated sex with a wracking conviction of his depravity , and in college he had begun to masturbate , " Anita 's biographer wrote . " No one knew of the harness he had invented for his ankles and wrists , so that he could not touch himself in his sleep . " After Harold 's wedding to Edith Rockefeller , Nettie took Stanley on a tour of Egypt , then to Paris . They stayed in Paris for about ten weeks while Stanley studied voice . Eventually Nettie was ready to head back to Chicago , but Stanley said he wanted to stay in Paris , continue his voice lessons , and take up painting . Boyle 's version has Stanley picking up a hooker named Mirielle Sancerre on his way back to Mrs . van Pele 's after seeing his mother off , and going to her squalid room with her . He hesitates , she asks if he 'd rather watch her masturbate , he feels faint and tells her to turn off the light - - and in the morning she , his wallet , his watch , and his sapphire stickpin are all gone . Stanley prowls the streets of Paris looking for Mirielle , whom he believes he should marry . But eventually he returns to Mrs . van Pele 's , where he spends two weeks in a feverish state , his ankles and wrists tightly clamped together even without the harness , his guilt evidently as restrictive as leather straps . Finally honeymooning Harold drops by , and Stanley announces he has to locate and marry Mirielle . Anita 's coy version of the Parisian interlude falls short of the no - holds - barred honesty on display elsewhere in her biography . But even Boyle 's account , based on the later legal and psychiatric files on Stanley , isn 't entirely true , he acknowledges . " Where I have fudged the facts is that he did not meet the hooker on the day Nettie left , " he says . " But there are at least three accounts I used that say he stayed on in Paris and met a prostitute - - which is the only time he ever had sex in his life . " As Anita described it , " He was allowed no privacy . The door to his room had to be left open at all times . When he was out late , Nettie instructed a maid to telephone and order him home . " Anita eventually started lending Stanley her own mansion so he could entertain in a setting that his mother would approve . The only daughter of Wirt and Josephine Dexter , Katherine was born on August 27 , 1875 . Her father , a prominent corporate attorney in Chicago , headed the relief committee after the Chicago fire . He died when Katherine was 15 and her only brother died four years later . Josephine moved with her daughter to Boston and evidently groomed her to claim the place in the world that the two deceased Dexter men had vacated . The family was conscious of its legacy , tracing the line back 20 generations through Michigan pioneers and a member of President John Adams 's cabinet to tenth - century England . ( The McCormicks claim to have traced their line back to Con of the Hundred Battles , king of Ireland around 148 AD . Colonel Robert R . McCormick , legendary publisher of the Chicago Tribune from 1914 to 1955 and namesake of McCormick Place , was the grandson of Cyrus McCormick 's younger brother William . ) " Katherine was uncompromising , " says Boyle . " She went through a lot of shit at MIT - - it took her eight years to get a BS degree because girls weren 't given science training . " She studied at a women 's college and worked in a laboratory in Germany to learn what she needed to make her way at MIT . And along the way she crusaded for the rights of women students . " Women had to wear hats in those days , so the professors insisted she wear a hat for lab work , " Boyle says . " She protested to the dean and won . Of course she was ostracized by the male students . " " Some idiot critic has called it too neatly Freudian , and Freud is so politically incorrect these days , " Boyle says . " But Freud said a lot that was very intelligent . And if you look at Stanley in Freudian terms , he was making the leap from one mother to another . He transferred his feelings from one to the other and it became oedipal and you see why he could never have sexual relations with his wife . " Boyle 's Katherine is rich , beautiful , smart , athletic , and a reservoir of personal strength , apparently not far off the real Katherine . Why does she stick with a guy who , though rich , handsome , smart , and athletic , is obviously slipping further and further into insanity ? " I think Katherine had some antipathy toward men because they controlled MIT and the world , " Boyle says . " So she found a man whom she could control , as many women do . He was a sweet and good man , but I don 't think she realized what life with Stanley would entail . " She must have thought she had won a priceless prize if she actually went through anything like the final battle Boyle stages between her and Nettie . In their carriage in the streets of Chicago , Nettie and Stanley argue about whether he should escort Katherine home or let the driver deliver her home alone . Stanley finally goes inside the mansion with Nettie , leaving Katherine to watch through the windows as he finally breaks loose from his mother , sending her crashing to the floor . He goes back out to the carriage and escorts Katherine home - - just about the only scene of real romance between them . In both real life and Boyle 's account , the couple got married in 1904 at the Dexter family chateau in Switzerland . Because of the moral climate of the time , that 's when the real struggle for Stanley began . Katherine may have won his mind , but his mother 's cold , severe view of sexuality still held him tight . Night after night of the honeymoon goes by with Katherine waiting for her husband to join her in bed . But he stays away , furiously writing something he won 't show her for several days . It turns out to be his will , in which he leaves his entire estate to her . Evidently he found it easier to give up his father , in the form of money , than his mother , in the form of sex . Katherine waited , but as far as anyone knows Stanley never managed to have sex with her . Anita 's biography reported that when the couple arrived in Chicago ten months after the wedding , the marriage was still unconsummated . Boyle says the family learned this in the course of Stanley 's treatment . Marriage didn 't cool Stanley 's inner flames of sexual torment ; it seems to have made them burn hotter . In the first few years of their marriage , Katherine saw him disintegrate into a bizarre and frightening person . " Katherine was endlessly patient with Stanley , " Boyle says , " but she wanted to have a sexual relationship , to have children , to have an heir . The more she expressed that , the more he shrank into himself and couldn 't do it . I 'm sure she felt that once she got him away from his mother she could straighten him out , but she didn 't know the scale of his problems . They weren 't manifested until the sexual demands of marriage were placed on him . " Archivist Cindy Knight believes Nettie had unwittingly programmed Stanley to self - destruct over sex . " One thing that always comes through about Nettie is her constant self - criticism and general repression of any kind of pleasure . I 'd imagine sexual pleasure wouldn 't fit into that worldview . So if Stanley was feeling sexual desire he would have to feel guilt about those feelings , because they were so contrary to the worldview of his family - - his mother . More and more guilt , and he would fall apart . " Eventually Stanley was turned over to doctors ' care at a Massachusetts asylum , where the plan was worked out to set him up with his own medical staff at Riven Rock , in a seaside enclave outside Santa Barbara called Montecito . Nettie 's brother had bought the first 34 acres in 1896 and sold it to her a year and a half later ; subsequent purchases made it one of the largest estates in the area . Extensive landscaping - - including stone bridges designed by Stanley , a nine - hole golf course , and a lavish art collection - - made it a Xanadu . The grounds included a landmark that gave the estate its name and Boyle one of his subtlest symbols . The riven rock was a boulder about 30 feet across that had been split in two by an oak tree as it grew . The two mounds of boulder with a tall tree standing between them make an obvious sexual symbol , but they also represent , in Boyle 's hands , Stanley split in two by a force he can 't control , and a marriage similarly divided . With its elaborate gardens and citrus groves and , later , a private movie theater , Riven Rock was grand even by the standards of turn - of - the - century Santa Barbara , a sunny landscape of coastal mountains and rocky beaches where America 's industrial barons built their winter palaces . " The typical estate had maybe 10 or 15 acres , and certainly didn 't have a golf course or a movie theater , " says David Myrick , a Santa Barbara historian . " In a way it was a boondoggle , because it had all these wonderful things that never did Stanley McCormick any good . " Some of Riven Rock 's amenities had nothing to do with grandeur . Sprinklers in the trees were there to douse Stanley if he got wild on his outdoor walks ; a series of monkey cages was the laboratory of Stanley 's first resident physician , who thought studying the behavior of related species would provide clues to human behavior problems . It was the first primate lab in the United States . And the site of that startling scene between Stanley and the orangutan . Boyle acknowledges it 's imagined , but notes that Stanley was notoriously friendly with one of his doctor 's monkeys . " They 'd ride around in the Rolls - Royce together , or they 'd sit next to each other at the table for mealtimes , " he says . ( Stanley 's brother Harold had his own notorious encounter with a monkey . A well - known philanderer , he divorced Edith Rockefeller McCormick in 1921 and a year later married Polish diva - wannabe Ganna Walska . Harold was in his 50s and " became obsessed with his ability to perform sexually , " says Loyola 's Ted Karamanski . " Word got out in Chicago society that he was undergoing experimental procedures in which he was somehow being given the sex glands of monkeys . " Anita 's biography states that the New York Times reported at the time that a transplant from a donor monkey was performed by V . P . Lespinasse , a Chicago urologist quoted as saying , " A man is as old as his glands . " The public scorn prompted Harold to resign the presidency of International Harvester . Considering the fate of ordinary people with mental illnesses in the early years of this century , Stanley was lucky to get such rich treatment . " What the family did with Stanley and Virginia was probably quite humane by the standards of the day , " says Cindy Knight . " To deposit a person in an asylum and never see them again was the more typical reaction . But instead the McCormicks lined up the best doctors and built the best kind of environment for Stanley and Virginia . " A six - page chapter on Riven Rock in David Myrick 's book Montecito and Santa Barbara : Volume II - - The Days of the Great Estates was Boyle 's first encounter with Stanley and Katherine McCormick . Digging further into their story , he came to think of them as representing an ancient , and now seemingly lost , ideal of faithfulness . " We all say the same vows Stanley and Katherine said , but they don 't mean anything to us anymore . We say them five or six times and we don 't give a damn about it , " Boyle says . " Through Stanley and Katherine I could get at the question , ' What is a marriage ? ' How much is a marriage only sex ? Here 's a marriage that never had any sex in it - - it 's one of the great dysfunctional marriages of all time . But it lasted . " Katherine wrestled for years with the McCormicks over the details of Stanley 's care , and she stood by her man . At least she stood as close as she was allowed . For the first two decades she wasn 't allowed in a room with her husband , but could sit on the first floor of his mansion and telephone him on the second or crouch in the bushes outside and use binoculars to observe him on a balcony . " I see Katherine as a sort of Penelope waiting for Odysseus to come home , " Boyle says . " She could have divorced Stanley and gone off to be a socialite , but she remained married . She loved him deeply . She spent most of her life looking for a cure for him . Trouble is , maybe she wasn 't as faithful as all that . While looking for a cure , she may or may not have found a lover , widowed socialite Jane Roessing of Philadelphia . In a 1929 newspaper photo taken during the court battle between Katherine and the McCormicks , Roessing is seen standing next to Katherine . She is described as " her friend and constant companion . " Boyle 's version doesn 't push the idea of the relationship , but he does have Jane at Katherine 's side during assorted visits to Riven Rock , and one of the ( fictitious ) male nurses on the estate is made to speculate that the women are " cunt - lappers . " Boyle says he included Roessing in order to be faithful to the true story . The McCormick family , he says , accused Katherine during the court battle of having an affair with Roessing . His conversations with a Los Angeles writer who is researching a biography of Katherine led him to believe she did have the relationship , as well as one with Margaret Sanger , the birth control pioneer whose work Katherine supported ( not only financially and politically but by smuggling diaphragms into this country for distribution by Sanger 's clinics ) . " I felt that since it was part of the real story I should mention it , " he says , " but I didn 't want to go into it very far . " If Katherine had a sexual relationship going on with somebody else , does she really qualify as a paragon of fidelity ? " A lesbian relationship lies outside what I was talking about , which is heterosexual marriage and fidelity in marriage . So if she had some sexual relationship with another woman , that doesn 't factor in . " In the later years of his confinement , when Stanley seemed calmer and more able to handle human interactions , he was often driven by Rolls - Royce to a beach house in nearby Sandyland . But he remained under close watch . David Myrick , whose family had the beach house next door , recalls that " there were always guards posted in boats out in the water . We were all told they were there in case Mr . McCormick decided to make a break for it and swim out to the islands 29 miles off the coast . " Joan McCormick 's husband , Alister , was a descendant of one of Cyrus 's brothers . They lived in Santa Barbara in the years when Katherine kept a mansion in town and Stanley , of course , stayed at Riven Rock . Now 93 years old , she says she knew Katherine somewhat well - - " very charming and lovely , but somebody was always after her for something , so she retreated into her cocoon " - - but went to Riven Rock and met Stanley only one time . " Once was enough for me , " she says . " He was this very tall man who sort of loomed over us . It was very frightening , and then I looked around and here was another man standing behind a potted palm - - to grab him if anything went wrong , I supposed . I didn 't like the atmosphere , wondering what might happen next . " Even to relatives like her husband Stanley 's condition wasn 't specified . " I don 't remember exactly what we were told about him , but we all knew he lived there isolated and she lived a few miles away in town . Of course you wondered why they didn 't live together . " When Stanley McCormick died at Riven Rock , Chicago newspapers reported that his income from 31 , 900 shares of International Harvester - - the descendant of his father 's company - - and Chicago real estate had been $ 1 . 5 to $ 2 million a year , the annual cost of staffing his mansion and caring for him about $ 400 , 000 , and his wife 's allowance $ 300 , 000 . He had been banking over a million dollars - - 1940s dollars - - a year . By 1947 , the year he died , the estate had bloomed to $ 35 million , all of it except inheritance taxes going to Katherine . In contrast , when the other schizophrenic member of the family , Mary Virginia , died in 1941 , her $ 21 . 5 million was divvied up among her four siblings , including Stanley . While Stanley still lived , the McCormicks fought Katherine in court for more than a decade over his estate . They lost . Surely they were infuriated to see such a big chunk of the family fortune disappearing from their control to a woman who simply had to survive some guy she didn 't live with in order to collect it . But Katherine did not simply wait for Stanley to die . She was one of the unsung heroes of the women 's movement in this century , someone Boyle believes " belongs in the pantheon of feminist pioneers " for her lifelong dedication to women 's causes . She was a leading funder of drives to get women the vote and to develop safe and available birth control . " One of the crowning ironies of the true story is that out of the most dysfunctional marriage in history we got our short - lived sexual revolution , " Boyle says . She also did her part to improve circumstances for young women studying the sciences . At MIT , she funded a taxi service for women students to get them back and forth to the only women 's residences , which were several miles from campus , Margery Resnick says . In the 1960s she gave funds to build two women 's dorms on campus . The unit they form is called Stanley McCormick Hall - - which means over 300 young women live together in a complex named for a man who was locked away from women for almost 20 years . But a more moving monument to him , and to his wife , is at Graceland Cemetery . The two are buried together on a low grassy slope at the edge of the Dexter family plot . The graves stand apart from any others , the closest neighbors being the graves of Katherine 's parents and brothers , about 15 feet away . Nettie McCormick is buried a full two - tenths of a mile away , in the McCormick family plot . Her other four children - - Cyrus , Mary Virginia , Anita , and Harold - - are buried either next to their parents or in adjacent plots with their own spouses and children .
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1 . Some observations about America | 2 . Old forgotten poem | 3 . Cannery row | 9 . Two weeks already | 10 . Parting is such sweet sorrow | 11 . Made it to the capitol | 12 . Exploring together | 13 . Work hard get far | 14 . Parched hard ground | 15 . I am me | 17 . Middle of wherever | 18 . Watermelon tastes funny | 19 . Back home again | 20 . New opportunities | 21 . Jetlag and more | 22 . New purpose | 23 . The wind | 24 . Everything and nothing | 25 . What else does a man want in life | 26 . New - and - improved guestbook | 27 . 10 , 000 and counting | 28 . Prince fobi | 28 . Number one at google | 29 . Middle east chaos | 30 . Are you a perfectionist | 31 . Me and McCord | Thursday / August 1st / 2002 Here are a number of general observations I have made about the American way of life while I have been here on vacation . Today is my fifth day back . Remember that I am a returning ex - patriot with one foot on the European continent and the other foot still firmly placed on the North American continent . The people here are very pleasant and friendly , especially in the stores . Quantities of foodstuff which you purchase in snack bars or whatever are enough for two people , eg . I easily shared a roast beef sandwich with my daughter Marlies and we were still both stuffed to the hilt . Gas is unbelievably inexpensive , about a third of the cost in Holland . There are alot of fat people , not just kind of fat but unbelievably obese . How do they possibly get so fat in the first place ? The lifestyle and pace of events is fast and there is little time left over for relaxing . What limited free time is available is used efficiently by doing as much goal - oriented activities as possible . There is so much of everything , like going to the supermarket one sees an endless supply of goods which seem enough to feed have of the starving kids in Uganda . Commercialism is everywhere , advertisements are splashed on walls and signs and whatever , wherever and however . Television programs are interrupted about every five to ten minutes . Everything is a sale or deal or a way to save money . Wealth and happiness is perhaps taken for granted . Video films are available in the Blockbuster even before the movies have come out in Europe . Everything has to sound really really great , amazing , or the best in the world . For example , Gilroy claims to be the onion capital of the world , Watsonville claims to be the lettuce capital of the world , and Carmel the most beautiful coastline in the world . Do people actually believe this , that there is no other spot in the whole wide world worthy of comparison ? Everyone is so nice and helpful , even when they talk there is often laughter and patting on the shoulders , that kind of thing . Even when purchase groceries at the cash regYou can watch baseball on the boob tube all day and all evening long . Unlike in Europe where all the traffic signs are universal pictographs that everyone can understand , here everything is written text , meaning that for non - English speakers it could be a hassle driving around and figuring out what is what without getting a ticket . McDonald 's is exactly the same all over the world . We were hoping that the Big Macs here were really big but they are the same size and taste . There are police cars everywhere so as a driver you have to adhere to the rules exactly , coming to a complete halt at every stop sign before continuing . There is a hunger for heroes and amazing achievements . Someone who overcomes leukemia , getting good grades , winning a trophy , a person from the ghetto becoming a movie star . The stoplights are on the opposite side of the intersections , unlike in Europe where they are on the same side , often causing the driver to have to peer straight up awkwardly to strain a look . The music on the radio is very different , alot of hip - hop and yelling stuff which I hate ( but the kids love ) . There is very little if any international news in the newspapers or on the evening news . There are regularly murders and kidnappings in California , and though the chances are slight , everyone panics and gets into the hype of the situation . There are not that many Mexicans though I hear alot from family and friends that they are taking over the state of California . At least they can speak some English . There is alot of violence in films , so much so that you can only laugh sometimes . The bookstores have a lousy selection , mostly boring so - called bestsellers which all look the same . My impression is that people here read to escape and not have to think . I miss the more readable pieces of good literature I can get in Europe , where thinking along with the ongoing chapters is a cause in itself , eg . from England or translated from other countries . Not much has really changed in the twenty odd years of have lived abroad . The essence and spirit is So that is a bunch of my first impressions coming back to the country in which I grew up . I am proud of it and it makes me feel good to be back , but there are also alot of other aspects of life which are also important . There is this old blue rusting chest in my mother 's garage covered with years of dust . It contains a bunch of my old stuff when I used to live here many years ago . The usual teenage items of sentimental value which I have never had the heart to throw away . Long diaries , old letters , tickets from the World Series , my third place award at the Monterey County Athletics Association , souvenirs from the Big Game , golfing paraphernalia , my Stanford graduation tassel , high school awards , ad infinitum . I have left it all here to age in silence and darkness , because I just have not found the time nor the energy to go through it all when visiting during those short and frantic sojourns . This in order to see what I want to throw away for good and what I want to save and take back with me . The time has come to do this once and for all , decide what to have destroyed forever and ever , and randomly pick out those items which will survive with me to the grave . While rummaging through my many old things , I discovered a collection of poems I had written back in the days when I thought I was a future famous philosopher poet . Just for fun , here is one of my favorites . It is untitled and goes like this : We all went to the Cannery Row this afternoon and it was lots of fun . When I was a kid it was nothing more than a bunch of old warehouses falling apart next to the ocean . Back then , I would climb around underneath the piers looking for starfish and real pirate treasures from the Steinbeck days . Now it is a tourist trap with mobs of people crawling all over the place , but the city still did a pretty nice job restoring the area to look a little like during the heyday of the fishing canneries . Our highlight was seeing the Monterey Bay Aquarium , pretty amazing to see . My favorite exhibition was the so - called " Floaters . " These are invertebrate sea creatures who cannot propel themselves and are thus prone to the random ocean currents to take them everywhere all over the world . Beings whose soul purpose is merely to drift and hopefully get some place where they will survive in an unpredictable climate . Kind of reminded me alot of my existence , so to speak . When we left , I made the kids buy caramel apples because it was so American and they had to experience this ( unhealthy ) cuisine . But after two bites it made them all feel sick to their stomachs ( Dutch kids have never had anything like that before ) , so I ended up eating all the leftovers . I have to admit that although it tasted great at first and I had to prove myself a worthy American father by consuming the three encapsulated fruit treats , I did feel slightly nauseous for the rest of the afternoon . Tomorrow it 's up north to the San Francisco Bay area . That should be alot of fun seeing the relatives again after all these years . What else can I say except that we have been having a really really great and fantastic time . It is hard to believe , but we are nearing the end of our first two weeks in good old sunny California . In fact , today is the very last day at Grandma 's house , and we will be flying to the East Coast early tomorrow morning . Sad but true . Boy , time sure flies by . Two weeks may seem like a long time , but as you fill the day slots in with all of the activities , people you want to see , sites to visit and ad infinitum , the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle fit in nicely and snugly to produce a tight and complete picture of it all . Not much room left over . The best part of the last few days was visiting the San Francisco area , where we could see all the relatives : my wonderful aunt Jeanine , my cousins Gail and Sue and their husbands Allan and Geoff respectively , and my nephew Scot . Boy has he grown up into a man ( 24 already ) with potential and a love of life ! Brent brought his wife Cindy and youngest son Nick also . Even Uncle Dick flew down all the way from Reno , Nevada to see us for the weekend , thanks alot Uncle Dick , I feel honored to see you again . You have not changed that much at all . Everyone was really nice to us , and a special thanks go to Sue and Geoff for letting us stay over at their house . They have an absolutely beautiful home in Orinda , just perfect . Great barbecue dinner with everyone the first evening . You guys are fantastic , I mean it ! The big highlight was the good old American picnic we had up in the hills behind Oakland , where after riding the little steam train and the hundred year old merry - go - round , we played baseball and ate some great food . Loved those fudge brownies ( I think I had five of them ) . Why does it all have to go by so quickly ? Vacations cannot last forever . We ended up staying one more day than planned in the Bay Area , because I had to take Lennart to a Giant 's game . I felt kind of bad staying away from my Mom , as she was the one who had paid for our plane tickets , and she really likes and deserves to see us more . But this was a once in a life opportunity to see a real ballgame . Although the game was sold out we took the risk and went there anyway using the BART public transportation . Standing in line we kept our fingers crossed , and just as we moved in front of the ticket window , two adjacent seats became free , right in back of home - plate on the upper tier . Boy were we ecstatic . The Pacbell stadium is neat with a fantastic view of the bay . The game itself was packed with runs and hits and plenty of action . We witnessed Barry Bonds hit home - run number 599 , and we jumped up and down screaming our lungs out . His last time up he was thrown an intentional walk , so we felt robbed of the historical six hundred . Oh well , can 't see everything . We consumed a giant hot - dog , had cokes and ice - cream , all in order to get in the mood . The Monday evening game was a first in a series of three against the Cubs . Wow what an unforgettable evening . Other activities in San Francisco included : Fisherman 's Wharf , crossing the Golden Gate Bridge , driving down Lombard Street the crookedest road in the world , China Town , Union Square , a long walk along the Embarcadero promenade next to the piers , Little Italy , riding a Cable Car , the Cable Car Museum , crossing the Bay Bridge , ad infinitum . I am sure I am leaving out something , but I do not want to bore the readers too much with the specifics of our sojourn . The best part though , as I said above , was seeing everyone again , and they were so nice to us . That is probably the one thing I miss the most living so far away : the more intimate family and relatives interactions that are so important in life . Thanks alot to all of you guys ! Hope I didn 't leave anyone or anything out of this blog entry , and if I did I apologize . On the way back to Monterey , we stopped over in Menlo Park to visit my old Salinas High School friend Trudi . Hadn 't seen her in many years . We had lunch at this so - called famous corner grocery where you could eat upstairs and have their famous brownies . Within an hour , we had a quick chat before I took the family to see Stanford University from which I graduated way back in 1979 . That 's a long time ago , twenty - three odd years , almost a quarter of a century . We walked along the corridors and I started to give the kids the grand elegant tour filled with interesting discussion and details of student life in those days . At least that is how I felt , all invigorated by the surroundings and rambling on and on about this and that . Unfortunately , it had been a long day up to then , and the poor kids were a little bored to say the least . Pretty bored . Are you sure you do not want to see my old Physics classroom ? No thanks . Want to see my room at the Freshman Dorm ? Think we 'll pass on that one , Dad . Howabout my old Fraternity SAE ? We want to get back to Grandma 's house now , please . Without realizing it I was acting like a boring old fart father , reminiscing about the good old days . Dad , we are bored stiff . Sorry kids , maybe when you get older you can appreciate the importance of history better . What hit me hard was discovering that my favorite Physics classroom called the " tank " had been demolished back in 1995 to make room for this stupid modern - looking replacement . That hurt . Lots of memories in that place lost forever except for those in my mind . So here we are at Grandma 's house again . The very last day . We are sad but at the same time glad , because we were able to see and do so much . So very much . As a father I feel very thankful they could witness first hand how I grew up and get a feeling of what American life is really like . A bit different from television and the movie films . Because it is vacation maybe not exactly the most objective view of things as they really are , but close enough . I try to temper the kids ' judgments about this great country , balance their ideas with the truth insofar as that is possible and to the limited extent that kids even hear what their parents are saying . As far as the kids are concerned though , life in California is a hundred times better than Disneyland . Now that 's pretty cool . Better stop here , even though there are tons and tons of other things to write about . Like yesterday evening when we went out with David Wilsey , his wife Linda and their son Bryan for pizza , and we had a great chat afterwords at their house . Reminiscing about the good old days , talking politics , and discussing the fine art of raising kids . I had even brought with me a couple really old yellowing pictures of me and Dave when we were kids . Pretty funny and also embarrassing . However , I cannot spent the rest of the vacation blogging my limited and valuable vacation time away like this . Grandma will be returning shortly from the hairdresser , and I want to spend some quality time with the greatest mom and grand - mom in the whole wide world . Even vacation life has to continue . As I had promised him for two weeks now , Maarten and I climbed the hill behind the house together . We sat at the peak for ten minutes in silence ( at least as silent as is possible with a curious seven year old ) contemplating the future next to each other . It was a great view down to the house and over the the hills across the small valley . While we were outside walking around the perimeter of the White House , Maarten of course really had to pee badly . Leave it up to a seven year old to pick out the most opportune moment . The security was tight and there were police all over the place , but this was too important . Maarten ran over to some historic tree and urinated on the magnificent trunk over to the right . I hope President Bush does not mind . No one saw us and we were not arrested . My other sister Kathleen and her husband will be arriving shortly for a fun good old American style picnic with barbecue . They are stuck in traffic somewhere . It will be great fun when they get here . " If you think it is important to know about yourself only because I or some one else has told you it is important , then I am afraid all communication between us comes to an end . But if we agree that it is vital that we understand ourselves completely , then you and I have quite a different relationship , then we can explore together with a happy , careful and intelligent inquiry . " - Krishnamurti , Freedom from the Unknown . People in this country sure have to work hard . Really really hard . Getting up at five thirty or six in the morning to go to work , and then not coming home until past seven in the evening does not seem to be that unusual here . This must be tough for a country which values so very highly freedom of the individual in general and family life in particular . At least the Americans keep repeating this to themselves on and off ( on the radio and television , through magazine ads , sometimes so often that it gives the impression that they still have to convince themselves this is true ) . How can one live a balanced life in America ? I think this is really difficult , but possible for the strong at heart and the people with a true pioneer fighting spirit . This is somewhat ironic when you think about it , almost a kind of dilemma . I love the feeling of getting the job done and the community feeling behind achieving these actions with an inspired team spirit . However , I do not think I could live this way very long without getting pretty depressed . Really really depressed . Isn 't there more to life then just working working and working ? While folks in Europe are perhaps less determined to work until they drop , at least we can enjoy life more fully there , spend the much deserved time left over with the family and friends . Five or more weeks vacation a year is not uncommon in Europe . Coming home in time to have dinner with the family either . The better society is the one in which the proper balance between work and play is achieved , or at least striven towards . Each country has its own norms that should be respected and understood , so do not read this entry as a kind of critique on the America way of life . This is merely a view of mine and how I might ( never ) be able to fit back into this way of life . A man stuck between two cultures , one foot on the European Continent and the other foot still firmly attached to the Amercan ways . Finally got to see my Dad again for the first time since he passed away . Almost two years ago . I made my way with the family to the Arlington Cemetery where my father 's ashes have been placed in one of the impressive structures called a columbarium . There was his niche where they had interred his ashes . Three from the top and three to the right . Three down , three across . The number three . I took my blue Monterey , California cap off in respect , stood in silence for about a minute or so . I felt in the air the mood of the official ceremony which had taken place more than a year ago . Finally I felt the marble surface with the engraved words of his name with my fingertips , asked the kids to do the same , and then I said it was time to go . Just like that . People keep telling me all the time that I look and act just like my father . " Hey , " the keep saying , " that 's exactly what your father used to do ! " Mostly my family , but I can also see it in the eyes of my relatives and friends , how they react . I do not know what it is , but I have heard this more than a dozen times now . Perhaps it is the way I slurp my instant Nescafe , my loud and grumpy voice , the occasional huffing and puffing sounds , the way I sit reclined next to the swimming pool , certain things I say ( eg . " I guess I 'll have a bite now to tide me over " ) , my balding scalp ( and how it is peeling badly after getting sun - burned ) , or whatever . To be honest , I do not like to be compared with someone else , even if it is my father . The fact that he has passed away makes it more sensitive for me , but at the same time I can understand the psychological patterns which family members share when they confirm these so - called similarities . Alright , I am who I am , I am me , no matter what . But that does not change the fact that it was my father who gave me half of my life . Similarities remain no matter what , and it is interesting as well as insightful . Not only for the others but for myself also . One finds it hard to believe that a mere twenty minute drive outside the very densely populated Washington D . C . area brings one to a beautiful countryside of undulating country hills in the peaceful state of Maryland . This was a pleasant surprise for us on our way south on highway 301 to my sister Kathleen 's place , which is a fine abode almost in the middle of nowhere but close enough to Annapolis and other medium sized towns . Calvert County is the place to be if you really want to get a feel for the American way of life . So much green vegetation and tall trees swaying in the slight breeze , the sun shining across the tops and casting an array of shadows here and there . If it were not for the telephone poles and the occasional gas station here and there , you might think that you were back in the colonial days . Some of those houses look like mansions , and many small wooden grocery stores along the road seem to verge on mystical wooden cabins dating back from the previous century . We are having a fun time and the time is passing by quickly . In just three days it will be time to head on back to the real world of Gouda . Bummer , but that 's life . A vacation is by definition a fleeting moment , so we must absorb as much as possible before we return . The kids are now calling for me to finish up on the computer , as we are ready to go to some world famous water park nearby . This is the water hole where the rednecks go to spend there free time , so we should fit into the crowd perfectly and mingle with no problems . Nothing like having a nice cool dip to escape the sultry heat and humid air . Boy is it sure hot , hotter than hot . This evening Bailey ( Kathleen 's husband ) has promised to treat us to one of his famous barbecues . I cannot wait to sink my teeth into the nice big steak and corn on the cob . Every evening we have dinner together on the wooden porch outside , enjoying the food and talking about anything that comes to mind . For some strange reason , my kids do not like watermelon . They had it for the very first time while in America on vacation , and ( with a slight though politely repressed grimace on their faces ) they said it tasted kind of funny . Unusual and not edible . I guess as Dutch kids who grew up in a faraway country where there is no such thing as watermelon , they had never had the opportunity to develop an appreciation for this fine form of gigantic fruit . By never having tasted it , the buds on their youthful tongues had never developed any specialized nerve endings near enough to the surface . Feel like a nice juicy piece of watermelon ? No thanks . On the very last day of our stay , my sisters and their husbands and us drove down south near Solomon 's Island to have a nice going away picnic . The barbecue was fantastic . Afterwords we had juicy pieces of watermelon , but me and my sisters were the only ones who could really appreciate the great taste . There 's nothing better to cap off a filling barbecue on a hot and sultry afternoon next to the water . Well we have finally made it back to the real world of Gouda after having a truly wonderful vacation . What can I say except that the three weeks went by really really fast . The first week was gradual , the second week a bit faster , and the last week just flew by everyone without warning . Everyone was just fantastic and we really appreciate their hospitality . A vacation is by definition finite in time , otherwise it would not be a vacation at all . Kind of like how beauty does not last forever either and that is how its essence can be truly appreciated . If life was one big vacation then would there be room left over for something like a vacation ? Not really . It is hard to say good - bye to everyone because I will miss them very much . But the great part I should not forget is the fact that I was blessed with the opportunity to see the rest of my family and relatives and take part in the celebration of being together . I have one day to recover from the jet - lag and re - acclimate myself , before deciding what to do with the rest of my life . Going to have to find out what is really happening and what I have to choose the proper path to follow . For the very first time in my life , I will be unemployed . Can you believe that ? Unemployed . That is at least if I do not find some other form of paying employment before the first of September . Bring in the bacon like any respectable father is supposed to do . That leaves me with less than ten days to get my act together , but I am not getting my hopes up . Less than ten days and counting . The market and economy is plainly in bad shape for now , and I will have to accept that . Opportunities for folks my age and with similar experience and expertise are minimal . Bad chances . Survival of the fittest and all that muck . Bad chances . This morning my greatest of fears became a reality after a short and unemotional meeting with the manager of my department and the human resources manager . Two against one . This meeting lasted just under thirty minutes and it was quite unsettling for me . Very frustrating . I felt pretty helpless , angry and desperate , sad and nervous , all at the same time . In the back of my mind I wondered why things had turned out so sour this time around . As far as I was concerned , I had not done anything wrong . These two folks on either side of the table from me seemed distant , impersonal and formal . Masks and sounds and motions . A couple of nods , some so - called understanding glimpses , words emitted and then silence . Words came out like this : these are the facts , here you are , that 's it , good luck , see you later . I nearly lost my cool on two occasions , but I caught myself just in time . There was also a short heated debate over whether or not I would receive some form of compensation because of this last minute announcement . I mean really , isn 't it a bit at the last possible moment telling me bye - bye so near to the end of my contract ? There is no time to prepare , two weeks is nothing , I will never find a job in time . In order to meet my financial requirements during the hiatus of unemployment , what now ? But no go , as they told me further with the very same straight faces . I receive absolutely nothing , because my ( temporary ) contract was for one year only . Nothing more . Nada , rien , niets . One year sounds like a long time but it is not . I kept muttering to myself on the drive back home that I never should have accepted it ( the contract ) in the first place , but I didn 't realize the grave risks at the time . That 's how life is sometimes . Isn 't it strange and ironic that three wonderful weeks of a vacation can be followed by such a letdown ? The pendulum swings back and forth , from one extreme to the other . Now is the time to join the grind of sending off job applications and feeling like you - know - what . Bad chances lead to new opportunities . Or so they say . We have been back in Holland now for two days , but still it is difficult indeed to shake off this aggravating thing called jetlag . What is jetlag anyway ? Basically , jetlag is caused by crossing over multiple timezones in a short period of time . While your biological clock is based on a certain timeframe , by quickly shifting to another timeframe , the human body takes time to acclimate . While you are in California where it is six in the afternoon ( dinner time ) , your inner clock still set to Dutch time may be telling you that it is three in the morning ( REM time ) . It is time to eat a pile of Mexican food but your body is telling you that it is time to sleep . You feel tired and cannot concentrate , have dry eyes and throat , and easily become irritated and / or irrational . In addition , it is hard to sleep becuase your periods of slumber are short and light , and you suffer broken sleep because you are either waking up all the time , or too early . All in all , not much fun . So the four of us were all wide awake last night and could not sleep . In a way it was kind of funny . The two parents and two kids hanging around with all the lights on at two in the morning , reading and talking to pass the time . In a way , it was almost like a slumber party , and the fact that the vacation memories were still fresh in our minds made us feel in a good mood despite the discomforts . Fortunately I did not have to go to work in the morning . I slept until noon , believe it or not . Since I have nothing else left to do now , I decided to organize my life by creating a pseudo - checklist of important things that should be done ( some time in the future ) . So - called structure and a twisted form of guidance that will provide me with those normal goals and purposes that everyone entertains these modern days with pleasure . New purpose that is . Here follows my to do list : Get the vacation pictures copied and sent to everyone back home . Write thank you notes to all the fine people who were so cordial and accommodating to us during the vacation . Paint the inside of the two doors white ( one in the garage and the other in the kitchen ) . Send off millions of cover letters and resumes to find work where possible . Read the tremendous backlog of books I have collected in the last year or so . Spend more quality time with my children . Fill out the unemployment papers and forms so that I will be able to receive ( very limited ) compensation some day . Relax and enjoy my late evenings with Thea just being together reading and talking . Learn more and more about Internet and how I can improve my homepage and blogs . Fix the backyard patio stones which have collapsed into a hole ten feet by ten feet after a tropical deluge which washed away all the dirt . Start getting healthy again . Join a fitness club called Getting - Well . Stop munching out on sweets and no more desserts , just resist . Take up jogging three times a week ( hopefully my back problems do not come back ) . Learn to relax , meditate , and perhaps even take Yoga classes . Finally unpack and clean up all the rest of the luggage lying around since we returned from America . Play more video games on our Playstation2 to get even better and ascend higher impossible levels of expertise ( the games sure cost enough , so I might as well use them ) . Call a number of acquaintances and other individuals to assess the employment situation so that I can focus my efforts better , aiming for the areas where my chances are the greatest . Just live day by day and hour by hour as they come along , go with the f ~ Posted at 06 : 50 PM | | Miscellaneous Hard to believe that I wrote this so - called poem almost twenty - five years ago . Not bad for a naive kid who way back then was convinced that he would become a future - famous philosopher poet someday . The bizarre element is that the feelings which are evoked by this piece echo not only how I felt at the time but how I am feeling now as well . Not bad . Hard to believe . Hey , just in case you were not already aware of it , we are all in on this thing together . What thing are you talking about ? This thing and that thing and all the other things around you and me and the rest of the world . Everyone in the rest of the world ? Yes , everyone and everything . But that is impossible , I do not believe it , how can you explain it ? Simple , once you can figure it all out and have faith in what you know has always been true . Nonsense . Yes , nonsense is a good word for it I would say . Ridiculous . Another description that overlaps well with what I mean . Impossible . Sorry , but you already used that word . You must be kidding . I am and I am not . Stop it , I hate it when you start talking like this . Sorry , but I cannot help it now . You 're crazy ! Could be , but I think I am crazy also , but because I think that I am crazy that means that I am NOT crazy , so there . I give up , I 'm getting out of here . Alright , that 's fine with me . See you next time . Yeah sure . Bye . Once in awhile , someone tells you something that ends up really sticking in your mind . That is exactly what happened to me while I was visiting the family and friends back in America during my summer vacation a few weeks back . It was a wonderful and sunny day up in the green hills surrounded by Eucalyptus trees . We were all celebrating our reunion with a fun picnic , great food and some friendly baseball . At the end of the afternoon when it was time to say good - bye , my favorite uncle Dick came up to me , gave me a warm hug , and then he whispered the following in my left ear : Maybe to some this statement may sound trite , but for me it struck a vital chord deep inside of me . It started to make me think . In fact , since he has said this to me , not a single day has passed without me thinking about the kind statement . The comments are now especially true considering the situation in my life . Howabout signing my new - and - improved guestbook ? Finally got around to ironing out the last wrinkles . With a little extra time left over this week as a so - called poor soul on the dole , I finally decided to crank out my own homepage guestbook powered by good - old fashioned CGI scripting and all that stuff . Might as well spend my late evening hours in a productive manner . Take the stuff I have been reading ( Programming Perl and CGI Programming with Perl ) more seriously , practice what you preach . So I did it , I think . I based my new - and - improved guestbook on the Guestbook25 scripts which I downloaded a while ago . Wasn 't quite pleased with its somewhat limited functionalities , not quite at least . So why not tweak it like any brave Perl programmer in his right mind would do ? That is what I have been doing , and you are welcome to judge the almost final product for yourself . I cannot believe it . Just happened to be playing around on the Internet when I discovered that the hit - counter on my homepage has passed the ten thousand mark . Ten thousand visitors and counting . Actually right now 10 , 116 to be exact . Wait , it just went up a notch when I wasn 't looking . Time to celebrate you might say . " I am prince fobi otumfor Opokuwari the 4th son of my father , His Royal Highness late Nana Otumfor opokuwari 11 of kokofo in Ashanti confirm by oyoko clan here in Ghana . I am 23 years , I have confidence in you that made me to reveal this deal to you . Because i got your information from yahoo search on reliable gold dealers . . . " Is this for real ? Does the originator of this fine email actually believe I will read this and take him seriously ? Are there actual takers somewhere out there that make sending these types of emails worthwhile ? Who could be sucker enough to fall for this nonsense ? Makes me wonder . To be honest , I do not know why I am even taking the time to dedicate a whole blog entry to this . Believe it or not , my future - famous homepage is number one on the Google search results list for the name of " Gish . " Even higher than the The Official Website of Lillian Gish . I guess this is prove that I am well on my way to becoming a future famous person , don 't you think ? To see it for yourself , click here . For many years now , I have been totally confused by the events occurring in Israel and the Middle East and the resulting chaos there , especially with the PLO and the surrounding Arab countries . Rather than remain unfairly negative about the whole situation ( which is human nature 's way to protect the psyche from accepting ignorance and the unknown ) , I decided that perhaps it is high time to read more about the historical perspectives and the political intricacies . That way , by learning a little more about this explosive region , I would be able to form my own objective judgments based on the so - called facts . Boy , things there are very complicated , and this book gives an excellent overview from the perspective of an American Jew who has actually lived in the region . After reading this book , while I felt I knew more I also felt even more perplexed , wondering if peace there can ever be achieved . It is a complete mess . The fault is not one side or the other , but a common shortcoming that has to be dealt with equally by all the sides involved . The burdens of the historical viewpoint have to be relaxed in order to make progress in the negotiations . To forgive and to forget . To quote a review : " As a reporter for UPI and The New York Times , he was stationed in Beirut from 1979 to 1984 , and in Lebanon from 1984 to 1989 . He describes with intense vividness the sometimes horrifying , sometimes wondrous cities , for which , he says , nothing in his life had prepared him . Friedman brings alive his journey from Beirut to Jerusalem through anecdotes , history , analysis and self - examination - - and puts all the currents into perspective with inimitable detail , clarity and remarkable insight . This is a much - needed framework for understanding the psychology and politics of the Middle East , and for understanding the future of this unique region . " The star character is Chuck Connors . He plays an army officer named Jason McCord , a West Point graduate and decorated army officer , who has always been a good and honest soldier . He is the only known survivor of the Battle of Bitter Creek . However , despite his courage and perseverance in that battle , for some reason he is dishonorably discharged for cowardice . Rather than reveal the killed army commander who was really responsible for the massacre , thereby bringing the deceased man in disrepute , McCord remains and accepts complete blame on himself . I never really understood this part of the series , but nonetheless accepted it in faith . Why didn 't he just tell the truth , thereby saving his skin and remaining in the army that he loved the most ? Without this twist the series would have reverted to a meaningless adventure , even if this thin gossamer of illogical truth barely held the series together in the first place . No ten year - old in his right mind would let go of such a great series for such a lame reason as this . I was infatuated with the idea of being an underdog and rooted for McCord every week . The saga continues . The poor man who has been unfairly treated has no home , and he has nowhere to turn . McCord has no choice except to travel westward . Putting his army training to use and doing engineer work for hire , he is always trying to prove through his actions that he didn � t deserve the brand of � coward . � At the start of each thirty - minute episode , the same classic scene is played : McCord � s commanding officer rips off his army decorations and breaks his saber in half , chucking the bottom half of it right out of the fort � s gates . McCord leaves the fort � s walls , picks up the broken half - saber , and heads out . . . " As far as I am concerned , this is one of the classic premises , even if now it would appear pretty corny and unrealistic . At the time , and in the ten year old 's mind , it was unsettling and fantastic at the same time . Now even more than thirty - five years later , I can really relate to this episode . Considering my situation , you could say that I am also a kind of McCord and it is time to travel westward in a symbolic kind of way . My army decorations have been torn off my shoulders and my broken half - saber is held tightly in my right hand .
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As a small boy , there were two subjects which interested me above all other things . One was dinosaurs and the other , thanks in large part to " Star Trek , " was outer space . I always got a kick out of looking up at the stars through my telescope . I loved reading about the planets of our solar system and their moons , and the history of our world 's space program was particularly fascinating . Cut to the first launch of a manned space mission that I ever witnessed . The day was January 28 , 1986 . Does that date sound familiar ? Indeed , it was the day the space shuttle Challenger lifted off from Cape Canaveral , Florida , only to explode just 73 seconds into its flight . All seven crew members were killed , including Concord , New Hampshire schoolteacher Christa McAuliffe . Mind you , I was not in Cape Canaveral on that day , but rather I was sitting in my parents ' living room in Knoxville , Tennesee , my father by my side . The very first exposure I had to a live television broadcast of Man traveling into space , and it just so happened to be the first time an American space mission had resulted in loss of life ( the Apollo 1 fire notwithstanding , as that mission never got past the testing phase ) . The Challenger disaster was almost preceded by an even more horrific tragedy , as an oxygen tank explosion ended the chances of Apollo 13 making its scheduled landing on the Moon and could very well have ended with three astronauts either succumbing to the lack of breathable air and extreme cold of space , or burning up in the atmosphere upon re - entry . The movie begins on July 20 , 1969 . Jim Lovell ( Tom Hanks ) , who flew two Gemini missions as well as Apollo 8 , watches with his family as fellow astronaut Neil Armstrong becomes the first man to set foot on the surface of the Moon . My own parents were of high school age at this time and my father , thinking quickly , snapped some Polaroids of the TV … what passed for screen captures back in the day . Lovell is determined he wants to return to the Moon , this time to land on it , as the Apollo 8 mission only involved a Lunar orbit . He gets his chance when he , Fred Haise ( Bill Paxton ) and Ken Mattingly ( Gary Sinise ) are awarded the Apollo 13 mission , scheduled for launch on April 11 , 1970 . The computer I am using to write this review is more efficient , and can therefore be said to be better equipped to send men to the Moon than the ones that were actually being used back in those days . For that matter , your cell phone is of superior technology to the computer onboard the Apollo space vehicle . One week prior to the launch of Apollo 13 , Mattingly is replaced with his backup , Jack Swigert ( Kevin Bacon ) , when it is learned that Mattingly may have been exposed to the measles . If that had been the only hiccup the mission would face , there would be no movie . For reasons I 'll never quite understand , it was decided that public interest in the space program had dwindled down to the point where it seemed pointless for the TV networks to give the Apollo 13 mission the kind of coverage they had given to the previous two . That all changes when one of the Apollo 13 's oxygen tanks explodes , and the other is left venting its contents into space . With the astronauts lives now in peril , suddenly everyone 's interested . At least one of the networks even wants to set up shop on the front lawn of Jim Lovell 's house , to which Marilyn Lovell ( Kathleen Quinlan ) strongly objects . In space , Swigert 's inclusion had already created a certain amount of tension among the new lineup , tension which is heightened once things go wrong . Meanwhile , the best and brightest at Mission Control in Houston , Texas scramble to come up with a viable plan to get their men home alive . " Failure is not an option , " Mission Director Gene Krantz ( Ed Harris ) tells them . That Lovell , Haise and Swigert manage to find their way back to Earth and survive re - entry is no great spoiler . You can look those facts up in the history books . Director Ron Howard nonetheless manages to build suspense through the audience 's question of how their dilemma resolves itself . Even as we know no harm will come to them , the audience still gets caught up in the moment . The visuals in this movie are also quite stunning , none greater than the launch sequence . For the movie " The Right Stuff , " the actual footage of the Mercury 7 launches were used . Here , the massive Saturn V rocket ( on top of which sat the Apollo 13 capsule ) is entirely CGI . But , oh goodness , is it ever a sight to behold ! More so , I 'm sure , for anyone of my parents ' generation , for whom the entire movie is like a giant time capsule . As much as the movie evokes memories for my father of listening to the radio for updates on Apollo 13 's status as a 16 - year old , the film itself holds its own personal significance in my life . Aside from his work on " Star Trek II : The Wrath of Khan " and " Star Trek III : The Search for Spock , " James Horner 's soundtrack for " Apollo 13 " is one of his finest compositions . I originally saw " Apollo 13 " in the theater at the appropriate age of 13 . Shortly afterward , I bought a copy of the soundtrack on cassette , and I brought that tape along with me for school field trips to Williamsburg , Virginia , Gettysburg , Pennsylvania and Orlando , Florida . I have strong memories of pushing the PLAY button as soon as the bus began to move , first hearing the drums , then the trumpet , and then the strings in the opening seconds of Track # 1 - " Main Theme . " Even now , listening to it brings me back to each of the liftoffs of my own journeys in to unexplored territory . For this reason alone , I am retroactively fitting " Apollo 13 " into my list of all - time favorite films . Ron Howard and Tom Hanks weren 't done with the story of the Apollo Space Program . Not by a longshot . The 12 - part 1998 mini - series " From the Earth to the Moon " is a must - see . The episodes surrounding the Apollo 7 and Apollo 12 missions are my favorites . Though it may upset some of my friends who are fans of the movie " Braveheart , " I really think that Ron Howard and " Apollo 13 " were robbed at the Oscars in 1995 . But then , space movies just aren 't attractive enough to the Academy . " The Right Stuff " and " Gravity " were each also nominated for Best Picture in their respective years ( 1983 and 2013 ) , and both also lost . The bigger tragedy is the current state of the American Space Program . I hold no animosity towards anyone for the retirement of the Space Shuttle . That had been long overdue . But were we not supposed to be able , according to our science - fiction writers , to fly commercially to the Moon by now , not to mention preparing for manned missions to Mars ? Within " Apollo 13 " itself , a monologue from Hanks as Lovell laments the fact that no one has set foot on the Moon since Eugene Cernan stepped back onto the Apollo 17 Lunar Module for departure on December 14 , 1972 . More than 41 years later , we still don 't have an answer as to when we 'll be going back . What we do have is an entire generation of Americans ( myself included ) , with a second one growing in number every day , who have never experienced this level of awe and wonder for themselves outside of what they read about or see in archival footage . As great as movies like " Apollo 13 " are , they can never take the place of the real thing . I would very much like to see at least one Lunar mission happen within my lifetime . Until then , I 'll keep watching the stars . When I was in the second grade , our teacher read " Bridge to Terabithia " to the class . To this day , it 's still the saddest work of fiction I 've ever encountered . At the time , I wondered how one could justify reading it to young children . I thought that our fables should always be happy , joyful , and otherwise free of consequence or incident . In other words , not having a darn thing to do with real life . That was what growing up was supposed to be for . I did not consider , then , what the author was sharing with me . While children should be allowed to laugh , play and not have a care in the world for politics , money or other adult pursuits , they should at some point be prepared for the concept of tragedy . At the very least , it should be explained to them in a way that they can understand it . There is a moment early on in " Forrest Gump " when the young Forrest and his friend Jenny are praying in the cornfield behind her father 's house . As soon as I saw this scene , the tears started flowing . The perfect , perfect score from Alan Silvestri wasn 't helping either . There was no question in my mind that a dark cloud was looming just over the horizon . Forrest is the type of person for whom " Bridge to Terabithia " would be difficult , though not impossible to explain . " Curious George " is more his speed . In 1981 , Forrest Gump ( Tom Hanks ) is sitting on a park bench , clutching a box of chocolates and waiting for a bus . While he waits , Forrest tells his life story to those who sit by him . From his birth up until what for him is the present day , Forrest tells the account of a number of amazing things he 's accomplished in his life , and all of the famous people he has helped inspire . He is invited to the White House on three separate occasions , meeting John F . Kennedy , Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon . He plays football for Paul " Bear " Bryant at the University of Alabama , becomes a genuine war hero in Vietnam , plays ping pong professionally for the United States in China , and even forms a lucrative shrimp company called Bubba Gump , named after both himself and fellow Vietnam soldier Benjamin Buford " Bubba " Blue ( Mykelti Williamson ) . It was Bubba whose idea the whole " shrimping business " thing was before he died in Vietnam . Any one of these things would be enough to distinguish Forrest Gump , and enough to be life - altering for anyone else , but still Forrest takes it all in with a perspective most men his age forsook long ago . As the entire world around him changes , Forrest remains constant . Winning Best Actor for " Forrest Gump , " Tom Hanks joined Spencer Tracy as the only two men to be presented with the award in back - to - back years , a feat which no one else has since accomplished . It is true that Forrest ( along with all other characters in the film ) is little more than an archetype . Disregarding that fact , Hanks does manage to transform himself . He disappears so completely into the role that it becomes hard to tell where Forrest Gump ends and Tom Hanks begins . In fact , Hanks puts as much effort into bringing to life this resident of Greenbow , Alabama with an IQ of 75 as any character I 've seen him play . Not all of the credit for " Forrest Gump " ( winner for Best Picture of 1994 ) can go to Tom Hanks . Gary Sinise , as Lt . Dan Taylor , is also something special . His work is so admired amongst the Wounded Veterans crowd that he has gone on more recently to do commercials for their cause . Meanwhile , Robin Wright gives the performance of her career as the tragically self - destructive Jenny Curran . Prior to this movie , my only exposure to Robin Wright had been in " The Princess Bride , " her very first starring role in a feature film , as Princess Buttercup . Both movies are pure fantasy , both roles are archetypes , but Jenny and Buttercup couldn 't be any more different . One waits for true love to rescue her . The other has true love waiting for her , but she believes herself to be beyond saving . The soundtrack is beyond incredible . Alan Silvestri 's score aside , there is a barrage of period music , most of it from the late 1960 's - early 1970 's , what I consider to be the second major revolution in the industry after the Classical period of the 18th and 19th centuries . Some of the songs are so expertly placed that I can 't help but be amused by their timing . We hear Buffalo Springfield 's " For What It 's Worth " just before a ground battle in Vietnam , Lynyrd Skynyrd 's " Freebird " during a decidedly low point in Jenny 's life , and in a particularly side - splitting homage to 1969 Best Picture Winner " Midnight Cowboy , " that film 's theme song , " Everybody 's Talkin ' " by Harry Nilsson , helps the scene deliver itself with a wink and nod . I 'm not sure whether it 's director Robert Zemeckis or somebody who regularly works with him , but someone involved here is clearly a " Midnight Cowboy " fan . My evidence is that this is not the first of Zemeckis 's films to feature a reenactment of that movie 's most famous scene . 1989 's " Back to the Future Part II " also has a character crossing the street , nearly being run over , and uttering the lines , " Hey ! I 'm walking here ! I 'm walking here ! " When the movie was first released , there was debate among certain U . S . politicians as to the overall message of the movie . Certain people believed it to be pushing a conservative agenda , citing an idealized version of the 1950 's vs . the portrayal of the counterculture of the 1960 's , as well as all the talk about the subject of destiny , as proof . Certain people did not consider that the movie might not have a political message of any kind , or that remembering one 's history IS being promoted . But then , these were the same geniuses who had adopted Bruce Springsteen 's " Born in the U . S . A . " as their theme song ten years earlier , evidently only having paid attention to the chorus . Frankly , I could give a rat 's hindquarters whether or not there 's a political message to be found , or the fact that the overall story is far too fantastical and replete with coincidence . As the movie 's timeline ends around the same time as my own birth in 1982 ( likely a few months after ) , what attracts me the most to " Forrest Gump " is its portrayal of an era which is just out of my reach , but which my parents ' generation lived through . So many wonderful things and so many terrible things happened all at the same time . I , at least , had the advantage of coming into the world with knowledge of how that story ended . Just as the Black Death had back in the Middle Ages , the AIDS virus sprang up in the 1980 's like some kind of bogeyman . At first , no one knew what it was or how one contracted it . Then , before other methods of transmission presented themselves , it appeared to be something one caught through contact with a homosexual . Some religious groups even went to the extreme of calling it a " cure for homosexuality , " in that the world would be purged of those who prefer same - sex relationships . The truth was that it could hit anyone , and not just through sexual contact . One could also be infected through a blood transfusion , or even from mother to child during the birthing process . However you want to paint the picture , the entire population of the United States as a whole had been brought to its knees in fear . As a result , countless men and women over the years have been unfairly and unjustly treated through no fault of their own . " Philadelphia " is their story . Andrew Beckett ( Tom Hanks ) is a Philadelphia lawyer … an " excellent " one , as he will tell you . He is so well - thought of by his higher - ups that he 's on the verge of making partner , and is presented with the most important case his law firm has ever taken . As the deadline is approaching , an important document goes missing , baffling Andrew completely . At the last minute , it is miraculously found filed away in archives , where it should not be . The case goes well for the firm , but Andrew is soon after fired . That might be the end of the story , but there are two things about Andrew that give one cause to doubt the reason for his termination . Firstly , Andrew is a homosexual and , secondly , he is afflicted with the AIDS virus . Yes , Andrew has kept these facts from his superiors , but not without good reason : the abundance of anti - gay , water cooler humor in the office made his decision easy . Andrew seeks the legal counsel of Joe Miller ( Denzel Washington ) , with whom he had worked on a case once before , but whom has completely forgotten about him . But there is a larger barrier than selective memory at play , because Joe Miller is as bigoted about homosexuality as the men Andrew intends to file suit against . In fact , he is initially so ignorant about the AIDS virus that he is concerned about sitting too close to Andrew . The camera echoes this , serving as Joe 's eyes in a POV shot that shows Joe nervously staring at the lesions on Andrew 's face , and looking at Andrew 's hat as he places it on the desk . The irony of his behavior should not be lost on the audience . Joe is African - American , and as such has doubtless faced similar prejudice at one point or another in his life . He thoughtlessly uses the derogatory term " faggot " to demean homosexuals , signifying that he has not considered or does not care that this word is just as hurtful as the word " nigger " can be when directed towards those of his race / skin color . His excuse is that he was " brought up that way , " which is no excuse at all . Even as his prejudice endures , Joe does finally agree to take Andrew 's case . At the trial , the defense is led by a rather despicable ( or otherwise good at her job ) attorney , played by one of my absolute favorite actresses ( heavy sarcasm ! ) , Mary Steenburgen . When she showed up in " Back to the Future Part III , " I saw Mary Steenburgen as little more than the Yoko Ono of that trilogy . Here , she was Marcia Cross before the real Marcia Cross came into the spotlight ( as a result of the O . J . Simpson trial , two years later ) . Annoying voice , and not a particularly likeable character , even if the defense attorney is simply " doing her job . " I 'm bringing up my overall dislike of Mary Steenburgen because , in a way , I 've developed my own form of prejudice against her acting career which I haven 't been able to shake for more than two decades . " Philadelphia " remained one of the few Tom Hanks films which I either had not seen at all or ( in this case ) had only ever seen bits and pieces of until now . I very much regret that it has taken this long as it 's a very beautiful , very sad , and very important movie . Something odd happened along the way as I watched it . Although I 'm in the middle of reviewing selected works in the career of Tom Hanks , and although this movie won him the first of his two Best Actor awards , I discovered to my surprise that this isn 't really Tom Hanks ' film . Yes , he goes through a great physical transformation , which the Academy loves , and plays a gay character whose law suit is the major plotline of the movie , but " Philadelphia " isn 't actually Andrew Beckett 's story . His fate has been pre - determined by the debilitating disease he suffers from . The character growth and personal journey are for Denzel Washington 's Joe Miller . There were two scenes in " Philadelphia " which stood out to me as being the most beautiful . The first was the opening shots of the streets of Philadelphia ( set to the tune of Bruce Springsteen 's Oscar - winning song , appropriately titled " Streets of Philadelphia " ) . Here we see people going about their daily lives , children playing , etc . It reveals Philadelphia as a town like any other town in America , which is exactly as it should appear . We should look no different regardless of our daily income , the color of our skin , the religion we follow / don 't follow or the company we keep . Each of us is equally human ; some through their hatred and fear just don 't act like it . The second scene was the one in Andrew 's apartment when Joe is trying to walk him through the Q & A 's for his upcoming testimony . This , for me , is the one that won Hanks his Oscar . Although at first Andrew appears to be either distracted or attempting to brush Joe off , what he 's really doing is trying to " explain it to me like I 'm a four - year old . " Andrew plays his favorite opera for Joe , translating the lyrics in a very emotional way . You can see that Joe is not only deeply affected , but that he also understands Andrew for the very first time . To use the word " beautiful " is actually understating the power of this scene . " Philadelphia " is not an AIDS movie , nor is it a " gay " movie . This is a movie about humankind , both the best and the worst of it . There has been positive change in the 20 + years since the movie was first released . While it still exists today , HIV / AIDS is no longer the growing pandemic it once was . The support for the LGBT community is high , and there are some states in the Union which are now freely open to granting same - sex couples the right to wed . However , for all of the advances we have achieved , there is still a terrible amount of bigotry and hatred hiding beneath the cloak of self - righteousness . We only have so much time granted to us in this life . Why spend it fearing what we don 't understand ? As a sports fan , my first love will always be football . When it comes to baseball , I 'll keep tabs on what 's going on during the season , but I 'll usually only watch when it 's time for the playoffs and ( especially ) the World Series , and even then only if teams I like are involved . But even with a passing interest in a game that moves at a slower pace than I would prefer , I still have an appreciation for the history of the game of baseball . There is one part of that history I had no knowledge of until after the first time I had seen " A League of Their Own . " In the 1940 's , at the height of World War II , Major League Baseball faced a dilemma . The men were being called into service , leaving the teams without their players that drew in the crowds to see the games . The solution was to create the All - American Girls Professional Baseball League , or AAGPBL for short . In its first tumultuous season in 1943 , the league consisted of just four teams , which carries the impression that winning a World Series was somewhat less of an accomplishment than in Major League Baseball . Just don 't tell that to the women who showed they could play just as well as the men could . " A League of Their Own " follows the story of that first season in 1943 , albeit with some changes here and there . The main storyline runs through sisters Dottie and Kit Hinson ( Geena Davis and Lori Petty ) . Dottie is a natural baseball talent , but she seems almost oblivious to this fact . She 's more interested in seeing the return of her husband , Bob ( Bill Pullman ) from the War . Kit is the one who would love nothing more than to be a professional pitcher . At a softball game which the two are competing in , Ernie Capadino ( Jon Lovitz ) sits in attendance , scouting players for the AAGPBL . He likes what he sees from Dottie , but Kit manages to lose the game because she stubbornly swings at the high pitches , striking out . Ernie goes to the farm where the sisters live and work to recruit Dottie , but she 's not interested . But Dottie sees how much her sister wants to play , and agrees only on the condition that Kit be allowed in , too . Eventually , the two find themselves members of the Rockford Peaches , managed by legendary MLB player Jimmy Duggan ( Tom Hanks ) . From the moment Jimmy is introduced , business picks up . Hanks makes a great entrance into this picture , as Jimmy drunkenly enters the girls ' locker room and urinates in the stall . Jimmy is a sad character at first . His playing career having ended prematurely due to his alcoholism , Jimmy takes the assignment of managing a girl 's baseball team as an insult . To show how he feels , he behaves accordingly : sleeping during the games , hurling insults , and arguing with his superiors . Then he sees what Dottie can do , and we see a change in Jimmy 's demeanor . Suddenly , he 's taking an interest in this team he has underestimated because of their gender . Actor Tom Hanks and director Penny Marshall team up again four years after their previous collaborative effort , " Big . " Both that film and this one are about people who are struggling to find their place in an uncaring world , although in remarkably different ways . This time , rather than a kid trapped in a man 's body , it 's a group of women trapped by rules dictated by a male - dominated society . At every turn , they are threatened with being shut down simply because the men will soon be coming home . Jimmy 's own journey is one of redemption . Through his role as manager , Jimmy can restore order to the chaos his alcoholism has created in his life . Among Hanks ' roles from before he became an Oscar winner , this one may be his best . It 's certainly gifted him with one of the most iconic lines of his career , coming as Jimmy takes it upon himself to explain to one of his players why weeping is not allowed . The movie is only superficially faithful to history . All of the characters in the film are fictional , including changing the owner of the league from a chewing gum mogul ( Philip K . Wrigley ) to a candy bar manufacturer ( Walter Harvey ) . Also , the Rockford Peaches did not actually play in the first AAGPBL World Series … although the team did wind up with the most championships by the time the league closed in 1954 . Pretty much the only things that remain consistent with the facts are the teams ' names and uniforms , the league 's name and logo , the league 's official song , and the lasting impact that it has had on the sport . But let 's not get bogged down in fact vs . fiction . You want a 100 % truthful account of the AAGPBL ? Go find a documentary on the subject . Informative though it may be , I guarantee it won 't be half as entertaining . I can 't think of a single person I knew when I was twelve who said they wanted to skip the rest of their youth and just dive right into adulthood . How many at that age would be thinking about much of the world beyond their own backyard ? No , when it comes to the subject of being uncomfortable with oneself at the onset of puberty , most kids are usually just wishing they were just a little taller . Without a more extensive vocabulary , finding the right words to explain their deficiency could be difficult . So many words have multiple meanings . You can say one thing , and it can be interpreted in several different ways , not all of them good . The English language works in mysterious ways . Josh Baskin is an average twelve - year old who plays computer games and watches New York Giants football games ( Super Bowl XXI , in particular ) , but also has fun playing outdoors with his best friend Billy ( Jared Rushton ) . Josh also has a crush on one of the popular girls at school , who may or may not take a liking to him as well , but at least she 's nice . He has never gone anywhere without an adult chaperone , including one fateful night at the fair . He wants desperately to get on one of the " scary rides " with the blonde he likes , but according to the rules he isn 't tall enough . Later , he stumbles upon a wish - granting machine which seems to be able to function despite its power cord not being plugged in . He makes his wish , and wakes up the next morning as an adult somewhere in his early 30 's . The novelty of the " child trapped in an adult 's body " story wore itself thin long ago , even before " Big " was released in 1988 . However , actor Tom Hanks ' performance is such that it allows you to set aside the fantastical elements of the movie and believe that you are really watching a twelve - year old boy experiencing the world as a 30 - year old man . When he checks into a cheap motel in a rather ugly part of town , we can see the fear building in Josh 's face . When he gets hired by the MacMillan toy company , his work ethic is that of a kid with a pile of homework due the next morning , rather than that of an office worker who paces himself because everyone else does . His initiative quickly grabs the attention of his boss ( Robert Loggia ) , who gives him a big office and the dream job of every kid : playing with toys for a living ! The apartment he rents afterwards is all kinds of cool : He has a trampoline , bunk beds , toys scattered all over the place and … my personal favorite … a Pepsi machine . Among the songs that make up the soundtrack to " Big , " of course the most widely associated is " Heart and Soul , " but there is another which is likely lost on the current generation , in large part due to the practice of " sampling . " Everybody knows Will Smith 's 1997 hit " Men in Black " from the movie of the same name , right ? But how many , I wonder , will remember Patrice Rushen 's 1982 song " Forget Me Nots " ? Listen to it . I guarantee you 'll find something about it that sounds eerily familiar . The movie 's heart is built from Josh 's budding relationship with Susan ( Elizabeth Perkins ) , one of his co - workers at MacMillan Toys . From the earlier scenes in the film where Josh has trouble even speaking to girls , we are to assume that he has never been close to any member of the opposite sex ( other than his mom , which doesn 't count ) . Hanks is able to get this point across in several ways , notably in Josh 's interpretation of what " spending the night " means . Susan has become used to life as an adult . When we first meet her , she acts just as serious as all the other grown - ups . But through her time spent with Josh , Susan is reminded how to " have fun " again . She has moved from one boyfriend to the next , finding each one to be immature . Josh seems different to her , though not in the way we know him to be . I often wonder what kind of person Susan would have been without ever meeting Josh . Would she have become increasingly jaded and bitchy like Celia Hodes , Perkins ' character from TV 's " Weeds " ? As a child , " Big " was my introduction to actor Tom Hanks , and I 've always thought it a very special little movie . Hanks is one of my favorite actors , and I recently thought to give a look at some of his career 's highlights . By " career highlights , " I mean the ones I have on DVD . I believe it fitting to start off where my affinity for the man 's career began . In addition to being charming as hell , " Big " also points out how important it is to go through the trials and tribulations of growing up . There is so much we would miss out on … both good and bad … if we just skipped our teens and 20 's . Likewise , as much as we might want to revisit or even change some part of our past , would that not also theoretically result in our becoming someone different ? The best course of action , it seems to me , is to accept that there will be those rides which we 're not yet tall enough to ride , but that a little patience will one day give us the chance to jump on that roller coaster as often as we like . Gentlemen , why do I get the sneaking suspicion that most night jobs aren 't anywhere near this exciting ? I 've never worked at night , don 't see myself working at night , and generally just don 't like being out of the house after dark if I can help it . Still , we take the work which we can get . Hard labor for minimum wage is supposed to be character building , and maybe sometimes it is . Other times it 's just a pain in the ass . Break bone for the Man and he won 't care . You 're expendable . We take these mind - numbingly boring jobs not out of choice , but out of necessity . Jim Dodge ( Frank Whaley ) is really trying his father 's patience . He 's managed to get himself fired yet again . " That 's got to be some kind of record , " more than one person observes . Jim is in his 20 's and is nowhere close to getting married or even leaving home . He finds it hard to understand why he should leave when he loves his family , enjoys his mom 's cooking , and has a comfortable bed to sleep in . But his dad ( John M . Jackson ) is concerned that Jim will never make anything of himself if he continues living this way , so he finds Jim a job opening at the local Target … as the " Night Clean - Up Boy . " While on his first night there , Jim is locked in by his gun - toting , hard - ass superior and unexpectedly joined by Josie McClellan ( Jennifer Connelly ) , the girl of his dreams from his high school days . Josie still lives at home , too , only her rich father ( Noble Willingham ) is so caught up in business dealings and in how he 'll look among other rich snobs that he hasn 't taken the time to truly know his daughter . As a result , Josie has decided to become a shoplifter , not because she wants the undergarments she 's stealing ( she can afford to buy the store 's entire stock a few times over ) , but rather because it will get her father 's attention . Falling asleep in the dressing room wasn 't part of the plan . " Career Opportunities " came during the post - " Home Alone " portion of John Hughes ' screenwriting career . It carries with it the same theme that most of his earlier movies used : Adults are stupid , while the young find common ground and enlightenment through open and honest dialogue . Like Samantha in " Sixteen Candles , " Jim gains the attention of the town 's most popular member of the opposite sex . Like the high school students serving detention in " The Breakfast Club , " Jim and Josie would never have interacted if not for one chance encounter . One difference between the two films is that " The Breakfast Club " did not require a manufactured conflict to keep the plot rolling . The appearance of the two crooks ( real - life brothers Dermot and Kieran Mulroney ) feels like unused ideas from " Home Alone , " minus the cartoonish booby traps . By the time the hoodlums arrive , Jim and Josie have done all of the bonding they 're going to do in a PG - 13 rated comedy set mostly inside a retail store , and so this ' conflict ' only exists to bring the movie to a conclusion . Frank Whaley is no Matthew Broderick , but the lazy , live - at - home Jim Dodge is more relatable than Ferris Bueller 's spoiled rich kid out for a joyride . He may be the lead , but he 's not the main draw . Anyone with any sense is watching this movie for Jennifer Connelly . Like a certain current 20 - something actress named Jennifer , Connelly is naturally talented , beautiful and wise beyond her years . She makes you instantly interested in Josie 's personal dilemma , and she hopelessly outclasses her co - star while she 's on screen … and she looks good in a white tank top . The movie itself is somewhat inferior when held up against the classic comedies which John Hughes brought us in the 1980 's . After a certain point … I think it was the success of " Home Alone " that did it … he never was quite able to match the success of his teen comedies and of those featuring John Candy ( who also has an uncredited cameo appearance here ) . I 'm left not all - together aware what the point of " Career Opportunities " was meant to be . Not all comedy is meant to have a point or teach a moral lesson , but Hughes ' own scripts usually did . Whether it was that everyone has similar worries and doubts , that you shouldn 't let your life pass you by , or that nothing can take the place of family , there were always words of wisdom at the end . The main characters often did something either destructive or illegal ( or both ) while never facing punishment , because it was all for a good cause . That happens here , too , but what are we to have learned ? I suppose it could be to do what makes you happy , not just in work but in life . I 'm just not sure . Maybe I 'm just too hopelessly distracted by the eye candy to notice . There are films which are of interest because of their story , those sought out because of who stars in them , those we love because of the time and place in which they were filmed / released , and those which were revolutionary and which continue to be highly influential . This is to name but only a few of the reasons why we watch the movies we watch . Sometimes we find a movie that we thought would be a masterpiece turns out to be a waste of time , and sometimes our attention is grabbed by a movie we were hesitant to even gaze upon . In the case of 1973 's " Sisters , " at least for me , the reason for my interest was because it was directed by Brian De Palma , whose works have been of particular interest to me in recent years , most especially his films from the 1970 's and early 1980 's . Danielle is a French - Canadian model / actress living in a New York apartment . When we first meet Danielle , she is pretending to be a blind woman on one of those old game shows which were popular in the 1960 's and 1970 's . She hooks up with a contestant named Philip ( Lisle Wilson ) , and the pair hit it off . They return to her apartment , but are followed by her ex - husband Emil ( William Finley ) . They give him the slip , and are able to get cozy with one another . The calm is disturbed once more the next morning by Danielle 's ( surgically separated ) Siamese twin sister Dominique , with whom she is heard arguing in French in the next room . Danielle asks Philip to run out to the pharmacy to get a prescription refill on her medication . While he is out he buys a cake at the bakery , having been told by Danielle that it was the two sisters ' birthday . When Philip gets back , Dominique murders him . While this is happening , reporter Grace Collier ( Jennifer Salt ) who lives in the apartment across the causeway sees Philip writing " HELP " in the window with his own blood . Grace then takes it upon herself to solve Philip 's murder , letting her investigative instincts kick in , no matter the danger she might face by going it alone . " Sisters " was by no means Brian De Palma 's first film but it was his first attempt at a horror thriller , and also his first chance to show his love for Alfred Hitchcock . Many of the traits associated with his later films are present , the best of which are the split screen ( used during the murder scene and soon after in the subsequent cover - up ) and also the way he uses his opening scene to mislead the audience . Here , we are not at first given any indication that Danielle is only playing the part of a blind woman . Speaking of De Palma 's affinity for The Master of Suspense , this movie marks the first of only two times that he was able to call on Hitchcock 's go - to composer , Bernard Hermann ( who died on Christmas Eve 1975 ) , the other being 1976 's " Obsession . " I admit that I am no expert when it comes to the authenticity of a French - Canadian accent , however I can say that Margot Kidder 's accent in this movie so grates on the nerves that it almost single - handedly destroys this movie for me . At no point can I take Danielle seriously as a character , her speech so badly garbled that I have to turn on the subtitles just to be able to understand her . Jennifer Salt is better , if not particularly memorable . Really , it 's Charles Durning 's private detective and William Finley as the absolutely creepy Emil that hold my attention the most . Were it not for Finley 's performance and my love of De Palma 's atmosphere , aided by a truly claustrophobic and frightening finale at a mental hospital , I might have written off " Sisters " completely . There is also a lasting final image , much like the one at the end of " Black Christmas " ( 1974 ) , which incidentally also stars Margot Kidder . Very few directors get it right the first time . The ones that do more often than not wind up setting the bar at an impossibly high level which they never quite reach again . Although De Palma did not especially impress me with " Sisters , " I am not entirely let down . I know that there were far better movies to come , and that each of De Palma 's thrillers build upon the lessons learned . As such , " Sisters " serves as an insightful look into the early stages of my favorite director 's career . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! 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This is Brad Cole from Northern Arizona University . It 's December 17 , 1998 . We 're here visiting with Jay Springer as part of the United Indian Traders Association Oral History Project . Also present in the room are Karen Underhill from NAU and Lew Steiger . Springer : I was born in 1935 at Ganado Presbyterian Hospital out there on the reservation . So it 's been a while ! ( laughter ) I 've enjoyed it . In fact , looking back on it , it 's the best part of my life , probably . Springer : Well , Dad , when he graduated from school - - he graduated during the Depression - - and that was one of the few jobs that he could find . So he didn 't plan it that way , it was one of those deals where it just worked that way . He worked summers down here , and then as the Depression got worse , he was offered a job down here as a bookkeeper , as an accountant , and took that , because there wasn 't much else available at that point in time . So that 's how he came to this area . Springer : ( laughs ) I don 't know about that one . They met in school , but beyond that , I don 't know . They both attended University of Colorado . Springer : That 's mainly where I grew up , until I was of school age . We stayed there and lived there . Yeah , it was a good time in my life . We enjoyed it . Of course I guess maybe we didn 't know any better , but things were simple . Of course we didn 't have any electricity , so we worked with kerosene lamps and eventually got around to the point where we had the old wind - charger that generated electricity . Didn 't get to town very often , the roads weren 't that good , and so we didn 't get to town too often . It was a good time , a good time in my life . Springer : The memory that - - of course , here again , you 've got to take it with the time - - when I was small , in preschool , I can remember thinking that Santa Claus must have come , because I could see these sleigh tracks . Well , the reason I saw the sleigh tracks was because the Navajos at that point in time in the wintertime , the snow got deep enough , they put the runners on their wagons . So in fact I could go out there and I could see these sleigh tracks , and I knew ( laughter ) that he 'd been there . But as I say , this was preschool . Springer : I have a sister . She was with us , and lived out there until school age , too . About our only - - we would visit with other traders ' families . Early - on , that was about our only socializing , was we would visit with other traders ' families and their children . So that was how we got together socially . Springer : Well , even after we moved to Gallup , we continued to go out there during summers , and spent our summers out there at the post . And that continued until I was in high school , I think , so we continued even after that time , we continued to go back there . We had horses and could ride , and we enjoyed it . Springer : Oh , yeah ! we helped . The chore that I liked the least was sorting the potatoes - - particularly after they started to go . That was kind of a smelly job , after they got goin ' , but that was one of the jobs that I got assigned to , was sorting the potatoes and takin ' the bad ones out , and that sort of stuff . I wasn 't real crazy about that chore , but yeah , we had chores . Springer : Both my sister and I had Navajo friends , kids about our age . We had friends that we used to - - the expression is , " hang out with . " But there were quite a few of those . And they would ride our horses and we 'd ride theirs . We got along fine , we got along good . Springer : I don 't know where anything comes to mind immediately . I guess the thing that stands out , of course we grew up learning to ride bareback , like most of the Navajo children did . We grew up riding bareback . And of course it 's fun to go fast , but of course the horse would occasionally spook , and he would go one direction and of course we ended up goin ' the other direction . And we had quite a few of those . Of course we were young and it didn 't make any difference at that point in time . I couldn 't do it today , but at that point in time it was a lot of fun , and we enjoyed it . Nothing else specifically comes to mind - - right at the moment , at least , it doesn 't . In the spring when they were buyin ' the wool , my sister and I would enjoy playin ' on - - they used to stack ' em and they 'd get ' em up pretty high , and that was a lot of fun , playin ' on those wool bags . That was somethin ' that was extra fun . But it was interesting , I enjoyed it . Springer : They did . They did that . In fact , that was the only job that Dad ever had , was the trading post , and he spoke excellent Navajo and he continued to commute , even after we had started school in Gallup . He continued to commute back and forth - - not on a daily - - but a weekly basis he 'd go out and stay and come to town on the weekends after we 'd started to school . Springer : Oh , he was quite an individual . He went more into the history of some of these things . He was always interested in the clan relationships among the Navajos , as to who belonged to whom , and why , and this sort of thing . He was interested in that portion of it . And he and his family early - on lived at the post , too . But after a few years , he moved to Phoenix , and he spent most of his time in Phoenix . Springer : Yeah , there were some other partners . Clarence was involved with the Sunrise , Greasewood , and White Cone posts . And then Francis Powell was involved . He was involved with the Dilcon and the other Sunrise post at Leupp . Springer : Well , of course that was new to him , too . Initially , way back , it was all barter , there was just no money exchanged hands . It was all barter . Of course financing that kind of an operation , or that method , got kind of extensive . Hopefully , you were only clear of debt twice a year - - once in the spring when you sold your wool , and once in the fall when you sold your sheep and your cattle - - and the rest of the time you were operating on credit . Springer : Yes . In other words , the customer was trading on credit , and then we , in addition , were trading on credit . We only paid our food wholesalers twice a year , too . So everybody was working on that kind of a method . Springer : The Gallup Mercantile Company , and the Gross Kelly Company . And they supplied most of everything that we had to have : the dry goods , the groceries , hardware . They supplied it all . Initially they were our big suppliers . Springer : Oh , it started fairly early . I don 't know whether I have a clear recollection of a typical day . I don 't know , it was during the seasons , during the wool seasons and the [ lamb ] seasons , when we were buying , they were long . You started early and you stayed as long as the customer wanted to stay . And if it was six o ' clock or seven o ' clock or whenever he wanted to finish up , you just stayed there until he was finished , and that 's the way it was . The other times , of course , weren 't like that . They were somewhat normal . In those days , it was eight to six , instead of nine to five . It just depended what the activity was , and what season we were in , as to what kind of hours they were puttin ' in . Springer : Oh , they were friendly . I don 't recall any - - offhand - - I assume there probably were some - - I don 't recall any instances where there was a lot of problems . I don 't recall any occasions . In the early days - - this is prior to the pickup - - but in the early days they would come . If they came from a long distance , they would camp at the store and stay overnight . In other words , they 'd come in and do their trading and then if it was a long ways home , they just stayed overnight , and then they went back the next morning . And of course everything was horse and wagon in those days , early on . I have good recollections of the early days . I was glad I was out there when I was . I 'm not crazy about it today , but I 'm glad I was out there when I was . Springer : Well , it 's like a lot of other things , nobody has any time today . The Navajos are like anybody else . They only have so much time to spend doing this now , and then they 're gone . They don 't have a lot of time to sit around and gab . Previous to this , they always had time . They 'd sit down and maybe talk for half an hour . And of course the trader did too - - he had a lot of time . So it kind of worked both ways . But nobody has time to sit down and gab anymore : Everybody 's gotta go . " I hafta go ! " That 's the biggest thing , I think . Of course I 'm sure you 've heard this from some of your other interviews , I think the biggest thing to change the reservation and the Navajo was the pickup . I think that 's the biggest thing . That , and of course the roads got better . They got to where they had better roads and that sort of thing . So things started changin ' right after that . Springer : Oh , we had small - - well , we called ' em charge pads - - you just listed the individual 's purchases for the day , and this sort of stuff . And you just kept a continuous record of this , and the item was written down and priced out , and these then were your receivables . And they were kept in - - our operation , they were kept in what we called a McKaskey Register [ phonetic spelling ] , and each individual had his own slot , and these were torn out and put in this register , and they were continuously updated all the time . So if the need be , you could go through and get your receivables daily , if you wanted to do that , that much . Normally , we didn 't . We took our inventories twice a year - - once in the spring and once in the fall , to determine what our condition was . Springer : Oh , yeah , we 'd come into town occasionally , but it was only maybe to pick up some grocery items that perhaps the store wasn 't carryin ' , or somethin ' like that . We would come in and then turn around and go back . Early , of course . . . . When I say , " early , " when I was preschool when I was out there , it was too hard to come to town . The roads were bad , particularly the time of year it was , particularly in the wintertime , it was quite an experience to get to town . It took a long time , and if the roads were bad , it was a real experience to get to town . So we didn 't come to town very often . Springer : Yes . Yes , that was part of the barter - - particularly the rugs . They were big early - on . That was part of the barter , that was one of the things that the Navajo had to sell that we could resell . People like John Kennedy , for example , were big rug buyers , that we sold to . And they were big - time , early - on . Springer : Well , on part of the - - I 'm sure you probably have heard of those Ganado reds . Well , that is the same area that the Sunrise Post was in . They were part of that . They had the dark reds with the greys and blacks and whites and this sort of stuff . What I call these " wild " colors didn 't come on until quite a bit later . They stayed with the traditional colors . Springer : Oh , golly , we would run $ 20 , 000 or $ 30 , 000 worth of receivables . As I say , it was ongoing . We cleaned up pretty good in the spring and in the fall , but other than that , everything was just on paper . Springer : It was a good income . Those early years , I don 't recall , I suspect $ 10 , 000 or $ 15 , 000 , I imagine , was a good income in those days . I really don 't recall what it might have been in that time . Of course it was more after we got the other stores , but it wasn 't . . . . It was lucrative , it was better than the same job would have paid off the reservation - - it was better than that - - and primarily because of the hardships you had to go through to earn it . Because initially , nobody else wanted to come out there . So , yeah , it was better than the same job off the reservation . Springer : It was a gradual process over the years . It was a gradual thing , it didn 't take place all at once . It was just a gradual . . . . It was one of those things you heard about posts that might be available , and if you could deal on ' em , you did ; and if you couldn 't , you didn 't . It was one of those things . Springer : Oh , Gallup was , and still is , a trading town for the surrounding areas . We 're experiencing some growth today , but it 's not that the city of Gallup can support it , it 's the surrounding reservations that make it viable . It 's a trading center , and probably always will be . At one time the railroad was big here . We had some uranium mines that were active for quite a while , and right now we have a large open - pit coal mine that 's operating . But mostly it 's a trading center for the surrounding reservation . Springer : Well , of course when I was in school , at that point in time I was working in town and had summer jobs in town , and I didn 't go back out on the reservation during the summertime . But when I got out of school , then I did a stint in the Army Reserve for a while . And then at that point in time I went back out . This was , oh , Lord , I don 't know , this would have been . . . about the early sixties . Springer : Probably . I suspect that most of it was done , perhaps , on site . Most of the people hired CPAs off reservation in one of the border towns , to do the records . We never did , but I suspect that 's the way most of the traders did it . Springer : He was one of the originators way back . I would think - - I 'm not sure of the actual date that the Traders Association started , but the early forties , I think , or along in there sometime . It was way , way back . He was one of the so - called charter members . He goes way back . Springer : At that point in time , he was just a member . Later on , he worked up as a director and was the president for more than one term . He held that position . I 'm not sure about the time involved . Springer : Well , originally , it was to combat common problems that all the traders were having . I think probably the biggest thing that the Association did was pool together and hire prominent attorneys and this sort of thing to deal with leases on the reservation , when we dealt with Window Rock as concerned how these leases were going to be handled , and this sort of thing . I think that 's probably one of the biggest things that the Association did . Later on , they were in the silver business for a while , and they would buy silver in bulk and then the traders would buy from the Association . And I 'm not sure about the term of that . I don 't know how long that lasted - - I 'm not sure . That was early , and I 'm not sure about that . Springer : Not really . They sold it , and they invested the proceeds of that sale in AT & T stock . They didn 't go out to make money , it 's just that AT & T continued to grow and split , and grow and split , and this sort of thing . And then , I forget what year it was , but AT & T split off and spun off all the so - called " baby Bells , " and those stocks grew and this sort of thing . So eventually it accrued to quite a sum of money . As a money - maker , it was a small investment at the time . It just , over the course of twenty or thirty years , amounted to quite a bit - - eventually - - due to circumstances . Springer : I 've just had the treasurer 's position . In the Traders Association , the individuals were not members - - the trading posts was where the membership was . So , in fact , if you paid your dues to the Association , then you were a member - - whoever the owner of that particular trading post was - - you were a member of the Association then . So it 's been quite a long time . Springer : Well , the biggest thing , I think , was you collected the dues and you sent out the little dun letters that people were a little bit slow , you did that . Then at the annual meeting that was normally held in the fall of the year , you gave ' em a financial statement to show what the condition of the Association was . That was the biggest deal . Springer : At one time I think we were well over a hundred members . I can 't remember exactly . It seemed like it was 115 - 120 , something like that . That included some associate members that we had , but at the peak , that was about it , I think . Springer : They were people like Pendleton Mills , for example - - they were an associate member . Of course they sold to the traders a tremendous amount of the Pendleton products - - the big blankets and shawls and this sort of thing - - and they were an associate member . Let 's see , it seems like there was somebody else . I can 't remember right off hand . But that 's an example of an associate member . They weren 't directly involved in the business - - only indirectly were they involved with us . Springer : I 'm sure it was ( chuckles ) a so - called committee decision , but as to who was involved in it , I 'm sure my dad was . But beyond that , I don 't know . I 'm sure it was a committee decision of some kind . But as I say , that goes back a little bit before my time - - or I wasn 't very old at the time , so I 'm not sure about that one . Springer : Yes . They took on the State of Arizona from the aspect as to whether Arizona state sales taxes were legitimate on the reservations , and eventually won that in that fact that they weren 't . Of course the state claimed that they were , or should be collected . That was one of the bigger cases that they won for the Association - - well , not for the Association , all members , anybody on the reservation benefitted from that decision . As I say , the leases , and I can 't remember right off hand . Springer : I believe at that point in time I think they made assessments . They went to the members and said that " the attorneys are going to cost this much , and we need a little help . " And in fact , most everybody did . Most everybody was assessed and they paid their assessments , and that 's the way the attorneys were paid . So the membership dues , with what few expenses we had , about paid for the expenses . But anything out of the ordinary , had to go to some kind of an assessment to raise enough funds for that . Springer : Well , it was my dad 's job . I didn 't get in on too much of that . A lot of this stuff took previous to me . So that was his job , but it wasn 't mine . I missed out on that one . Springer : Oh ( sigh ) , it kind of depended on whether they believed in what you were trying to do . The Indian trader was highly independent , very independent , and if he believed in what you were trying to do , it wasn 't a problem . If he wasn 't real crazy about it , then it kind of was a problem . But most of ' em were okay , most of ' em were all right . Springer : At that peak , I don 't believe that there were 200 out there . I suspect that we had , at the peak , maybe two - thirds , or maybe three - fourths . I think at one time we 've probably had most of ' em , but we never did get everybody . Springer : We didn 't have too many traders that were in the border towns that were members - - not initially , anyway . Most of the membership had posts on the reservation , and in the heyday of the Association , we had people on the Zuni Reservation , on the Hopi Reservation - - of course the bulk was on the Navajo Reservation . But not too many from the border towns . Springer : Well , it was initially the Navajo Tribe . . . . We were goin ' at it , everybody was going after their own terms - - for example , five years , ten years , fifteen years , whatever . What the Association tried to do was get a standardized lease of some kind , where the terms were the same for everybody , and we were partially , or fairly successful doing that . It broke down a lot of years later , but initially we were pretty successful . We initially - - these leases that I 'm talkin ' about - - we had twenty - five years . Well , it 's pretty difficult to get a twenty - five - year lease today , but at that point in time , we were successful in getting those leases . Everybody 's lease was the same , the terms were the same , the rental agreements were the same , and all this for everybody . So it benefitted everybody . Springer : Well , the tribe didn 't want to enter into that again . They felt at that point in time that the leases were too long . They didn 't want to get into another twenty - five - year agreement . And they preferred , as opposed to dealing in a group , they wanted to deal with the individuals . I assume that it was a benefit to them , I don 't know . After that , it was just so - called " every man for himself , " and you just did the best you could . You just got the best deal that you could , so [ went out that way ? ] . Springer : Oh ( sigh ) , I don 't recall any instance of that . I don 't know , maybe some of the people ran into it . I don 't recall anything like that , though , no . And I don 't recall my dad mentioning anything like that . As I say , there may have been some instances , but I don 't recall anything . Springer : Well , it got to the point that we could only get short - term leases . And by short - term , I 'm talkin ' five years . Well , from our viewpoint , you couldn 't do a lot in five years - - particularly with capital improvements and this sort of thing . It was too short to get your money back . It was too short of a period . So consequently it made long - range planning difficult . If you only had a five - year lease , you didn 't know at the end of that five years if you were gonna get another lease or not , so it made long - term planning a little difficult . It was , as I said , probably a difficult period . Springer : Not at that point in time . As I say , after that initial twenty - five - year period was over , they weren 't active in the lease portion of the negotiations . They weren 't active in that . Springer : Well , it depended . If the individual that dealt with them got a good lease , he wasn 't gonna complain . He wasn 't gonna argue . The individual that got a bad , or didn 't think that he had a good lease , may say somethin ' , and on occasions did , because the tribe was , according to him , treating him unfairly , or something like that . But it got down to - - the Association tried to stay with problems that were affecting the bulk of the membership , and tried to stay out of individual problems . I mean , if an individual had a problem with the tribe , unless it was something way out of the ordinary , they tried to stay away from that . They didn 't get involved in those deals . Springer : I wish you hadn 't brought that up . ( laughter ) Here again , it was difficult to explain to somebody out of Washington as to exactly how we operated . They wanted us to operate just like somebody in one of the border towns would operate . Of course we contended that we had a different kind of trade . They wanted us on a cash basis . And of course the Navajo wanted credit and enjoyed his credit , and wanted things to stay the same . But they said , " Well , if he brings you something to sell , you pay him cash for it , as opposed to taking that off his bill , whatever it was he owed you . " In other words , as I say , they wanted ' em to deal like the white man did . That 's what they wanted . And it was difficult to explain to them that in fact we were a little unique , and they didn 't want us unique . They wanted us to deal like . . . . And that was the start of the cash economy that you 've got out there today . You don 't have a lot of credit , you have pretty much of a cash society out there now . Springer : Well , I don 't know . There was some . . . . What am I tryin ' to say here ? Some problems , for lack of a better word , I guess . There were some problems , and that in fact initiated it . As I say , the Association could not speak for everybody . The individual members operated their businesses in their own fashions , whatever that was , so that in fact , there was probably some areas where individuals members and people that weren 't members , there was problems with the pawn and this sort of thing . And that 's about the time that they stopped takin ' pawn on the reservation , and of course all the pawn moved to the border towns , which is my opinion they didn 't help the Navajo people any , but that was their decision , so we were forced to go with it . Springer : They had a panel of about , I can 't remember , seems like there was about four or five people . You were asked to bring in records , and they quizzed you on what your practices were , and this sort of thing . I think the thing that I remember the best was that one individual , one of our people , said , " What I 'm telling you is the truth , and if you don 't believe me , you could come out to the post and I 'll show you . " The panelist 's response was , " Well , I 'm paid too much to go out there on the middle of the reservation . " So that was the end of that discussion . Springer : I don 't remember , no . I don 't know if they were all out of Washington or not . I can 't remember that one . I don 't know if they all - - some of them were , but I don 't remember if they all were . Springer : They were involved , but only on the perimeter . They didn 't get directly involved with . . . . In other words , the Association didn 't hire an attorney to take on the FTC . They didn 't do that . What it evolved down to was that each operator hired their own attorneys and this sort of thing to appear before the FTC . Springer : No , there 's was examples made of certain traders . It wasn 't reservation - wide . They picked certain organizations . We had one of our posts that was involved . But it wasn 't reservation - wide . Springer : Well , as I say , at one time we had five posts under management . Babbitt Brothers out of Flagstaff were also involved . I suspect that 's what it was , but I don 't have any proof that that 's what the reason was . Cole : I know there were a couple of traders that seemed like they possibly had legal action taken against them . I think Blair and Wheeler and McGee . Did the Association become involved in those cases ? Springer : I don 't know . I can 't remember . They weren 't all the same problems - - there were individual problems that they were going after , and I can 't remember exactly what they were involved with . I don 't remember that . Springer : Well , as I said , there were some individuals that were having particular problems - - whether it was with the FTC or somebody else . But the Association , as long as it was an individual thing , they didn 't get involved in that sort of thing . It had to be something pretty widespread before the Association got involved - - something that affected a lot of people , or a lot of the traders . Springer : At that point in time , we had directors ' meetings on a quarterly basis , and any member was welcome to bring any particular problem that he might have , before the directors , and the directors would study it and see if there was anything they could do with it . That was the main route for the individuals to come to the Association . And of course at the annual meetings they could bring up anything they wanted to . Springer : No , we moved around . We tried to have one in Flagstaff , one in Gallup , and one in Farmington , and then we had the annual meeting . So that was how that was handled . Springer : Oh , golly ! ( laughter ) I don 't know . He held the position a long time . I would say he held it probably twenty years before I assumed the slot . Dad passed away in 1979 , so it would have been probably the late fifties , early sixties . Springer : Well , they didn 't vote me in , I took Dad 's duties because he wasn 't able to . Late in life , he wasn 't able to . So I assumed his duties , and the board agreed with it . I guess after a while they thought I was doin ' a good enough job that I was finally elected to the slot . Springer : Well , they were quite a social occasion . We had - - originally you had a banquet and you had a dance afterwards , and there was live music . And it was the one time of the year that people from parts of the reservation that you normally didn 't get to see came into it . It was quite a social occasion . And of course . . . . This I never understood . They had their business meetings on Sunday morning , and of course this was after the banquet , and after the dance , and all this sort of stuff , and of course the refreshments were rather ( sniffs ) - - there was a lot of ' em . ( laughter ) and I never did understand why , on Sunday morning , at eight o ' clock , then everybody was supposed to be bushy - tailed and be able to handle all this sort of stuff . Needless to say , the business portion of it didn 't last too long . Springer : No , there wasn 't anything on Saturday . That was originally how it was done . It evolved to less and less and less , until it got down to a point where it evolved to a business meeting on Saturday , and then that was it , period . Cole : This is Brad Cole from Northern Arizona University . We 're visiting with Jay Springer today . It 's December 17 , 1998 . Also present in the room are Karen Underhill from Northern Arizona University , and Lew Steiger , and this is Tape 2 of a United Indian Traders Association oral history interview . Springer : Well , the chief thing was the election of the officers and the directors . And then it was open to the floor , anybody that had particular problems , or anybody that wanted to bring up something before the Association , they did . We had guest speakers , normally somebody that [ had ] some area of expertise that we needed to know about - - particularly we had a lot of the tribal representatives , a lot of the tribal officials as speakers , and this sort of thing , in certain areas that they spoke to us , and this sort of thing . But it was mostly thrown open to the membership , as to whatever problems they might have , and they could bring ' em up . I think the most important thing , as I say , was the election of the officers and the directors . Springer : Yes . They had staggered terms , so that I think only half of the board came up at one time , and the other half was a carry - over board . So no , they weren 't elected each year , no , not all of ' em . Springer : It occurred at the meeting . You were given a ballot with the individuals ' names on it - - whoever was going to run . Then you had to be a member in order to vote , and the members then voted by secret ballot . Springer : Oh , they were usually held at one of the bigger motels in the border towns . A lot of ' em were held at the Shalimar Inn here in Gallup when it was new . And they were held sometimes at a country club - - the Farmington Country Club was used , the Gallup Country Club was used . Usually at one of the larger motels where they had a large meeting room and this sort of stuff , and where people could stay if they would come a long distance , where they could just stay overnight . Springer : Oh , they had some good bands . They were usually , my recollection with these here in Gallup , the bands were usually out of Albuquerque , and they were , oh , I don 't know , a four - or five - piece band . They were usually pretty lively bands . Springer : I don 't recall . It seems like to me they were pretty much - - they played the whole gamut of music . I don 't recall anything special . Of course we appointed somebody to host in each border town , and they arranged for the banquet and they arranged for the music and all that sort of stuff , in each area . Springer : I don 't recall , until just the last few years , that we ever had a woman director - - I don 't believe we did . And it 's too bad , because there were a lot of women at these posts that were runnin ' the post as good or better than the husband was . And there 's occasions of - - I can 't recall immediately - - but there were occasions where the husband passed away , and the wife stayed right there and continued to run the post and that sort of thing . But their roles were mostly helpmates and wives . That was basically what it was . As I say , we were remiss in not pursuing getting a woman on the board . We were neglect in not doing that . Looking back , here again , of course your hindsight is always better . Springer : Yes , if they had the - - oh , what am I trying to say ? - - the proxy from the member , yes , they could do that . You could have somebody other than the post owner vote for the post . Yeah , you could do that . Springer : No , I don 't recall . It seems like it was mostly steaks and this sort of thing . They had normally had plenty of lamb out there where they were , so we didn 't get into that - - we didn 't get into the lamb . Most of it was steaks , if I remember correctly . Of course we initially had some kind of a fancy dessert of some kind - - either baked Alaska or something fancy . Springer : Yes , it seems like we had raffles for , I think , a bottle of liquor . The ladies always - - we raffled off , we had flowers for centerpieces on the tables , and the ladies went home with the centerpieces - - we raffled all those off and everything . To my recollection , that was most of it . Springer : Hm . ( pause ) Oh ( sigh ) , I don 't know . The Indian trader was so independent and so much of an individual that it 's hard for me to single out an individual that really , to me , stands out . There were a lot of people that were very successful , but by the same token , like any sector business , there were some that weren 't , too . And there were always a few that were stirrin ' up things that probably would be left better unstirred and this sort of thing . But I can 't think of an individual right now that really stands out in my mind . Springer : Well , that , to me , is the major quality that I noticed . They didn 't group together unless it was a problem that they couldn 't handle as an individual , and then they were inclined to come together for a cause or whatever . But I think that 's the biggest thing , or the most important thing that stands out in my mind , is their individualism . That stands out in my mind more than anything else . Springer : Well , they could be [ competitive ] , and of course the reason they had extended families in the business was because you could always trust them . You didn 't have to worry about whether they were gonna be honest or not . That 's why so many of ' em got extended families - - particularly if they were gonna take on another post or something like that . They 'd put family members in there , because they could trust those , you didn 't have to go out and hire ' em and wonder whether they were trustworthy or not . So that was one of the reasons why we had a lot of extended families . But yes , brothers would compete with brothers in this sort of thing . Yes , they would compete on a business basis . Yeah , they 'd compete , you bet . Springer : We got to a point where our membership was dwindling , and at that point in time , as I mentioned before , the AT & T stock , through splits and through spinoff of the baby Bells and a few other things , had grown substantially , and we had a pretty sizeable war chest . Since we were a nonprofit organization , then it was decided that in fact we should do some things with this money that would perhaps benefit people . This history of the Association , and the history of some of these traders was at the top of the list . Beyond that , some donations to universities , hospitals , museums , and this sort of thing , in various amounts , to dispose of this war chest that had built up - - not through smart investing - - it had just occurred this way , just grew . Springer : Yes . Yes , that 's true , we couldn 't . We couldn 't , without . . . . We were a nonprofit organization , and we couldn 't divide the money up among the members , we couldn 't do that . It had to go to - - without a lot of IRS problems , we couldn 't do that , so that 's why we took the route that we did . Springer : Well , the directors discussed any problems that they . . . . Members would sometimes come to the directors with a particular problem , and at the quarterly meetings , the directors would discuss what problems were out there , and whether or not they thought that the Association should get involved in them or not . And it was more of an informational meeting more than anything else . And as I said , the individual members , of course they were apprised of these quarterly meetings , and they could come , and if they had a particular problem they could appear before the board and tell them what their individual problem was . Of course , if they wanted assistance , they would appear before the board . Some of ' em were helped , and others the board didn 't feel was a cause that the Association should take up . So it just depended on what the individual 's problem was . Springer : Oh , the biggest thing was probably after we got to go back , after we got out of this twenty - five - year lease period , I think the biggest thing that the members weren 't happy with was the terms of the new leases that they weren 't getting . There didn 't seem to be any - - I 'm sure the tribe had their own reasoning - - but there didn 't seem to be any rhyme or reason or consistency to terms of these leases that the individuals got when they appeared as individuals before the Economic Committee . As I say , some were getting five years , and some were getting ten years . Of course the individual was concerned as to why he was only getting this length of time , when some other individual was getting fifteen or twenty years . That was the biggest thing that I recall . They seemed to be - - and rightly so . There didn 't seem to be a lot of consistency . Of course part of the reason was the tribe would say , " Well , if you want a twenty - year lease , what improvements are you going to make over this twenty years ? " Well , to be perfectly fair , some of the individuals would say , " None . " Well , then they 're only gonna get a five - year lease . The other individuals say , " Well , I 'm gonna build a new store . " Well , he got a twenty - year lease . And that was only right . If you 're willing to spend some money , you should get a longer lease than the individual who said , " No , I 'm not gonna spend any money . " So that 's kinda the way it went . But , even so , they weren 't real crazy about it . Even so , they still weren 't real crazy about it . That was the major problem that occurs to me . That 's the major problem that I recall . Springer : It was discussed among the board , but there was never any action taken . We felt that maybe things weren 't all on the up - and - up , but the Association didn 't take it on , no . The individual members felt this . Springer : I don 't recall that . There may have been , but not in my tenure , I don 't recall that . The board could be called for a special meeting , if there was something that was crucial , but I don 't recall the general membership being called . There was an occasion here within the last two or three years when we were considering disbanding the organization , and the distribution of some of these funds . We , in fact , called a special general meeting . But beyond that , not in the regular procedures , unt - uh . Springer : Oh , there was some individuals that weren 't in agreement with the way that we wanted to distribute these funds . They weren 't in agreement with them , and so in fact did file . It never went to court , but in fact , yes , they did file suit . They weren 't in agreement , the way that the board suggested that they be distributed , they weren 't in agreement , and did in fact file suit . Springer : Yeah , they had input , and I can 't even remember that there was a lot of change . But it was resolved , and the individual dropped the complaint , and that was the end of that . I just flat can 't remember . I can 't remember what it was that he particularly opposed . I don 't remember for sure . Springer : Oh , I don 't know . They were . . . . Early - on , they were kind of a party crew - - at least on the annual meetings . ( chuckles ) They did a lot of good , but early - on , when they were out on the reservation and didn 't come to town very much , when they did , they liked to party . At the annual meetings , it was a real party . I think that was my best memories of it . Springer : Oh ( sigh ) , I don 't know . We used to get together on occasions way back . We used to , when we were buying these sheep , we used to , before the era of the truck , we used to drive ' em to the railheads . And of course there were usually several traders that were doing about the same thing at about the same time , and that was sort of . . . . A small group would meet and get together and this sort of thing . There might be a few parties , but beyond that . . . . ( laughter ) I can 't recall anything specific . Springer : No , I never did do that . I did , in fact , follow ' em . By " follow ' em , " you 'd get ' em started in the morning and then you 'd check with ' em every night when they bedded down for the night , and checked on their progress , all the way through . But as to go all the way through with ' em , no , I never did do that . Springer : A few words . Here again , in hindsight I have regretted that in fact I didn 't learn more . The best way , of course , to learn is to be in the post itself and deal with the people themselves . That 's the best way to learn , and the fastest way to learn . And of course when I was young , it would have been fairly easy to pick it up . But no , I 'm sorry to say I don 't . I know some phrases and some words , but beyond that , I have to plead that I don 't know that much . As I say , my dad spoke excellent Navajo , but I never did pick up that much . Springer : Yeah , his nickname was K ' íneeshbízhii . It means " Spaghetti Man , " and how he got that name , I 'm not sure . I 'm not sure of the origin . Springer : Yes , I was Son of Spaghetti Man , that 's right . That 's what they called me . I was Son of Spaghetti Man , yeah . That 's right . Springer : Well , of course one thing about the bullpen , I can recall , here again , way back - - particularly when Navajos were stayin ' over , camping near the post , that sometimes in the evenings they 'd come in and they 'd have a Yei ' ii bicheii right in the bullpen area , where they 'd take - - of course we 're selling corn - - and they would take some corn and he 'd put ' em in a little paper sack , and that made the rattles for ' em and this sort of stuff . And they 'd have this Yei ' ii bichei dance right in the bullpen area . I still recall that . That was when I was quite young , but I still recall that . But we had to go to self - service , and we started putting certain items out in the bullpen area where they could pick up themselves , and this sort of stuff . And eventually that evolved to the full self - service operation , like the convenience stores are today . That 's about what it evolved to . Springer : Well , of course that . . . . It increased the . . . . Initially , I don 't know that there was a lot of change . I 'm sure there was , because you had to have more employees behind the - - had to have more employees when everything was behind the counter . And when you went to self - service , of course you only had to have one or two clerks . But when you went to that , then the manager or whoever still had to have an area or an office where he could still deal with the people one - on - one , because they had things to sell and things to buy that weren 't out in the main store area . Springer : No , it was big enough that I just focused on that . I didn 't go outside and have any other accounting clients . It was big enough that that was all I did . Springer : Oh , I think it 's about gone . In fact , I don 't know how many true trading posts are still left on the reservation - - not very many . I think everything is convenience store type operations , and I don 't call those trading posts . I think it 's about gone . Springer : Oh , I don 't know . I think it 's kind of tenuous . There is so much fake stuff - - both in the jewelry and the rugs and everything else - - there is so much fake stuff out there now , that I don 't know . It certainly isn 't what it was several years ago . It 's not near what it was . The rugs are comin ' out of Mexico and the jewelry and turquoise and things are comin ' in , a lot of it , from some foreign countries , and I just don 't know . If it 's gonna be saved , it 's gonna take a lot tighter regulation than we 've got today . Springer : I don 't know . I would be in hopes that they would be able to do something with that vast labor pool that they 've got out there . I would be in hopes they would be able to do something with it . But at least to date , it doesn 't seem like that there 's been a lot of progress in that area . It just doesn 't seem like there has been . Of course they 've got that big farming development over there around Farmington , around San Juan , and it is a big operation , but of course most of it 's mechanized . There 's not a lot of employment over there . So I don 't know . I don 't see , unless some large corporation of some kind would come in and be willing to set up some large kind of a manufacturing process or something like that , where they would employ a lot of people , I just don 't know whether . . . . I think it 's kind of cloudy , a little murky right now . I don 't see a lot of positive things , let me put it that way . I don 't see a lot of positive things . Springer : I don 't know about everybody - - I 'll speak for ourselves - - we got along fine . Here again , due to their location and our location , we didn 't have any problems . And the Babbitts , particularly Paul Babbitt , who was president of the organization ; and Ralph Bilby , who headed up the organization for a while , he was president of the organization for a while - - I 'm not aware of any bad feelings . There may have been some , but I 'm not aware of them , if there were . Springer : No , I don 't think so . I enjoyed it . As I say , I was glad I was out there when I was out there . I wouldn 't be crazy about goin ' back out there today . No , I enjoyed it , and it was a good time of our lives , a good place to grow up . We had all the animals and everything that we wanted , and all this sort of stuff . I think my childhood and my early growing - up . . . . And I still have a lot of Navajo friends on the reservation . I wouldn 't change anything . No , I don 't think so , I don 't think I would . Springer : Oh , yeah , sure , like most young people . I couldn 't wait to get out of school . I was gonna set the world on fire . Of course you don 't do that , but I thought I could . Sure , I was gonna really make things pop , but you find out after you 're out of school for a while that things don 't work quite that way . So I had to fall into the mold . Springer : No ! I didn 't ! Prior to going back to work out there , working for the organization , I worked a couple of years as assistant manager at a motel , and I kind of liked that . I thought maybe that would be the way to go . But after a while , I got tired of that , so I didn 't want that . So I went back to the reservation and stayed there . Springer : No , as opposed to , say , an organization like the Babbitts ' . They operated under one name , but we operated as - - because of the different kinds of partnerships that we had going - - we operated under just the individual store names . They were under a central management , but they weren 't combined any other way . They weren 't , as you say , under one name or something like that . No , they weren 't handled that way , because we had different partnerships . So it was handled that way . Springer : No , I don 't think so . I will go back and say I certainly enjoyed my tenure on the reservation , and I wouldn 't trade it for anything in the world . I thoroughly enjoyed it , and don 't think that I have missed anything by being out there , and not have been in a border town or city or something like that . I don 't think I 've missed anything . Springer : Oh , tolerance maybe . And things may not always be as they seem . As I say , I enjoy the Navajo people , and respect them , and still do to this day . As I say , I think it 's a little unfortunate that they haven 't progressed a little bit further , faster , but they 're a very large tribe , and it 's probably gonna take a lot of time before they are able to do some of these things . Steiger : I 've got one question . Just as somebody who was so involved with the accounting , et cetera : Is there a time period that you could identify as the heyday of trading , when times were best for the traders ? And if so , what was that time ? Why was that ? in terms of just making money . Springer : Well , for one thing , we were pretty much being left alone , for one thing . We didn 't have a lot of regulation , either from the state or from the tribe or from the federal government , or anybody else . We were pretty much left alone for a while . We weren 't being bothered and we pretty much - - business was good , and prices were fairly good . By prices , I 'm talking about for the things that the Navajo had to sell , like the sheep and the cattle and the wool and rugs , and these kings of things . So I would say that period . Springer : Well , it didn 't make any difference . You came , when you got through at the end of the year , you had either made a profit , or you had a loss . And those were in dollars and cents . So in fact , it was like any other tax return . As I say , you either made money or you lost money . Some of the old - time traders used to say , " Well , if you had money in the bank , you know you made money . And if you didn 't have any money in the bank , you lost . " Well , it wasn 't quite that simple . But it got denominated down , even though you were bartering , at a point where in fact you knew whether you had made money or not . As I say , because you didn 't hang onto these things , you disposed of them , and you either made money on ' em , or you lost money on ' em . So that in fact , at the end of the year , you either did have money in the bank , or you didn 't . In fact , you could work that down to a normal P & L [ profit and loss statement ] or a normal balance sheet or something like that . There was a lot of things that during the year that might be a little foggy , but at the end of the year , you tied it down where you could identify it . Springer : We never did do that . There were people that did , that did in fact stockpile and this sort of thing . We never did . At the end of the season , whatever it was , we disposed of ' em , and didn 't hold anything over , or anything like that . We didn 't get into any kind of speculation or anything . Everything was disposed of at the end of the season , whatever season it was . Description Rating Call number NAU . OH . 75 . 32 Item number 81977 Creator Springer , Jay Title Oral history interview with Jay Springer [ with transcript ] , December 17 , 1998 . Date 1998 Type MovingImage Description CONTENT : Jay Springer was born at Ganado Presbyterian Hospital ( Arizona ) in 1935 . He grew up at Sunrise Trading Post until he moved to Gallup to attend school . His family eventually owned or partnered in five trading posts - - two Sunrise Trading Posts , Lower Greasewood Trading Post , White Column Trading Post , and Dilkon Trading Post . His father , Harold Springer , an accountant , was a charter member of the United Indian Traders Association ( UITA ) , and served as president and treasurer . Jay Springer , also an accountant , is treasurer of the UITA . Mentions Clarence Wheeler during the course of the interview . BIOGRAPHICAL HISTORY : Springer in theis oral history provides some insight into the reasons behind the formation , and the operation of the UITA , as well some of the challeges faced by trading post operators . Collection name United Indian Traders Association Oral History Project Finding aid http : / / www . azarchivesonline . org / xtf / view ? docId = ead / nau / United _ Indian _ Traders . xml Language English Repository Northern Arizona University . Cline Library . Rights Digital surrogates are the property of the repository . Reproduction requires permission . Contributor Cole , BradSteiger , LewisUnderhill , Karen Subjects Navajo textile fabricsIndian traders - - New MexicoIndian traders - - ArizonaTrading posts - - ArizonaTrading posts - - New MexicoWheeler , ClarenceSunrise Trading PostUnited Indian Traders AssociationUnited States . Federal Trade Commission Places Ganado ( Ariz . ) Gallup ( N . M . ) Oral history transcripts JAY SPRINGER INTERVIEW This is Brad Cole from Northern Arizona University . It 's December 17 , 1998 . We 're here visiting with Jay Springer as part of the United Indian Traders Association Oral History Project . Also present in the room are Karen Underhill from NAU and Lew Steiger . Cole : Jay , we always like to begin at the very beginning . When and where were you born ? Springer : I was born in 1935 at Ganado Presbyterian Hospital out there on the reservation . So it 's been a while ! ( laughter ) I 've enjoyed it . In fact , looking back on it , it 's the best part of my life , probably . I spent the early part of my life living on the reservation , until school age , and then we moved to Gallup , and I went to the Gallup schools , and on to school from there . Cole : What were your parents doing that you were at Ganado when you were born ? Springer : They were operating a trading post , the Sunrise Trading Post . We eventually ended up with - - well , progressively we ended up with a total of five , after a period of time - - but initially they were operating the Sunrise Trading Post , just west of Ganado . Cole : What were your parents ' names ? Springer : Harold Springer and Ruth Springer . Cole : Were they the owners of Sunrise ? Springer : They were partners with Clarence Wheeler that was out there at this period of time . Cole : How did your parents end up in the Southwest ? Springer : Well , Dad , when he graduated from school - - he graduated during the Depression - - and that was one of the few jobs that he could find . So he didn 't plan it that way , it was one of those deals where it just worked that way . He worked summers down here , and then as the Depression got worse , he was offered a job down here as a bookkeeper , as an accountant , and took that , because there wasn 't much else available at that point in time . So that 's how he came to this area . Cole : Came to Gallup ? Springer : Came to Gallup . He was originally from the Durango area . Cole : And your mother was also from . . . . Springer : She was from Johnstown , a little town north of Denver , about sixty miles north of Denver . Cole : And how did they meet , do you know ? Springer : ( laughs ) I don 't know about that one . They met in school , but beyond that , I don 't know . They both attended University of Colorado . Cole : And you mentioned that your parents eventually owned five trading posts , or were involved with five trading posts . Was that all at the same time , or different ? Springer : No , at one point in time , it was all at the same time , yeah . Cole : And was that from Gallup that he . . . . Springer : Eventually . We set up an accounting office in Gallup and operated out of Gallup , primarilNothing else specifically comes to mind - - right at the moment , at least , it doesn 't . In the spring when they were buyin ' the wool , my sister and I would enjoy playin ' on - - they used to stack ' em and they 'd get ' em up pretty high , and that was a lot of fun , playin ' on those wool bags . That was somethin ' that was extra fun . But it was interesting , I enjoyed it . Cole : How did your parents like the trading life ? Springer : They did . They did that . In fact , that was the only job that Dad ever had , was the trading post , and he spoke excellent Navajo and he continued to commute , even after we had started school in Gallup . He continued to commute back and forth - - not on a daily - - but a weekly basis he 'd go out and stay and come to town on the weekends after we 'd started to school . Cole : You mentioned that he had gone to college . Did he graduate ? Springer : Yes , he was a graduate of a university . Cole : And what was his area of interest ? Springer : He got a degree in business administration , so he was with an accounting major , similar to what I had , or what I did . That was where he first got started , was the fact that he could keep some records , was the reason that he first got started with the original owners of those posts - - he could keep the records for ' em . Cole : You mentioned Clarence Wheeler was one of his partners . Springer : Yes . Cole : Do you remember him at all yourself ? Springer : Yes . Cole : What was he like ? Springer : Oh , he was quite an individual . He went more into the history of some of these things . He was always interested in the clan relationships among the Navajos , as to who belonged to whom , and why , and this sort of thing . He was interested in that portion of it . And he and his family early - on lived at the post , too . But after a few years , he moved to Phoenix , and he spent most of his time in Phoenix . Cole : And were there other partners in your dad 's business ? Or was it just Clarence ? Springer : Yeah , there were some other partners . Clarence was involved with the Sunrise , Greasewood , and White Cone posts . And theWe were talking about the UITA annual meetings , and I 'm kind of curious , what kind of business was conducted at those meetings ? Springer : Well , the chief thing was the election of the officers and the directors . And then it was open to the floor , anybody that had particular problems , or anybody that wanted to bring up something before the Association , they did . We had guest speakers , normally somebody that [ had ] some area of expertise that we needed to know about - - particularly we had a lot of the tribal representatives , a lot of the tribal officials as speakers , and this sort of thing , in certain areas that they spoke to us , and this sort of thing . But it was mostly thrown open to the membership , as to whatever problems they might have , and they could bring ' em up . I think the most important thing , as I say , was the election of the officers and the directors . Cole : Were they all elected annually , or was it . . . . Springer : Yes . They had staggered terms , so that I think only half of the board came up at one time , and the other half was a carry - over board . So no , they weren 't elected each year , no , not all of ' em . Cole : Would the vote actually occur at the meeting , or did they send ballots out to the membership ? Springer : It occurred at the meeting . You were given a ballot with the individuals ' names on it - - whoever was going to run . Then you had to be a member in order to vote , and the members then voted by secret ballot . Cole : Where were the annual meetings held ? Springer : Oh , they were usually held at one of the bigger motels in the border towns . A lot of ' em were held at the Shalimar Inn here in Gallup when it was new . And they were held sometimes at a country club - - the Farmington Country Club was used , the Gallup Country Club was used . Usually at one of the larger motels where they had a large meeting room and this sort of stuff , and where people could stay if they would come a long distance , where they could just stay overnight . Cole : What kind of bands did they have ? Springer : Oh , they had some good bands . TheSpringer : Yes . ) Were brothers pretty competitive with each other , or did they try to get together and monopolize ? Springer : Well , they could be [ competitive ] , and of course the reason they had extended families in the business was because you could always trust them . You didn 't have to worry about whether they were gonna be honest or not . That 's why so many of ' em got extended families - - particularly if they were gonna take on another post or something like that . They 'd put family members in there , because they could trust those , you didn 't have to go out and hire ' em and wonder whether they were trustworthy or not . So that was one of the reasons why we had a lot of extended families . But yes , brothers would compete with brothers in this sort of thing . Yes , they would compete on a business basis . Yeah , they 'd compete , you bet . Cole : Could you describe for us , if you don 't mind , how the Association disbanded , and how they decided to fund these different projects ? Springer : We got to a point where our membership was dwindling , and at that point in time , as I mentioned before , the AT & T stock , through splits and through spinoff of the baby Bells and a few other things , had grown substantially , and we had a pretty sizeable war chest . Since we were a nonprofit organization , then it was decided that in fact we should do some things with this money that would perhaps benefit people . This history of the Association , and the history of some of these traders was at the top of the list . Beyond that , some donations to universities , hospitals , museums , and this sort of thing , in various amounts , to dispose of this war chest that had built up - - not through smart investing - - it had just occurred this way , just grew . Cole : I 'm curious , maybe you could explain for us , because other people have asked me , why the traders just didn 't split the money up among themselves . I assume it 's something to do with the nonprofit status ? Springer : Yes . Yes , that 's true , we couldn 't . We couldn 't , without . . . . We were a nonprofit organization , and we But we had to go to self - service , and we started putting certain items out in the bullpen area where they could pick up themselves , and this sort of stuff . And eventually that evolved to the full self - service operation , like the convenience stores are today . That 's about what it evolved to . Cole : How many employees would a post have after it changed over ? Did you . . . . Springer : Well , of course that . . . . It increased the . . . . Initially , I don 't know that there was a lot of change . I 'm sure there was , because you had to have more employees behind the - - had to have more employees when everything was behind the counter . And when you went to self - service , of course you only had to have one or two clerks . But when you went to that , then the manager or whoever still had to have an area or an office where he could still deal with the people one - on - one , because they had things to sell and things to buy that weren 't out in the main store area . Cole : Did your stores ever offer , at any point , employees ' benefits or profit - sharing , anything like that ? Springer : No , we never got to that . We did have health insurance , but beyond that , we never had any other benefits . Underhill : Did you have a general accounting business , or other businesses , or was your accounting focused specifically on the trading posts ? Springer : No , it was big enough that I just focused on that . I didn 't go outside and have any other accounting clients . It was big enough that that was all I did . Cole : How do you view the future of Indian trading ? Springer : Oh , I think it 's about gone . In fact , I don 't know how many true trading posts are still left on the reservation - - not very many . I think everything is convenience store type operations , and I don 't call those trading posts . I think it 's about gone . Cole : How about the future of Indian arts and crafts ? Springer : Oh , I don 't know . I think it 's kind of tenuous . There is so much fake stuff - - both in the jewelry and the rugs and everything else - - there is so much fake stuff out there now , that I don 't know . It certYour rating was saved . you wish to report :
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And as I said it , I remembered that when I saw her yesterday , I had mentioned that I was just getting home from a medical appointment . It 's not strange to me that I have appointments two days in a row , but it probably seems strange to others . If they only knew . My parents asked me to watch their dog for a couple days while they 're on vacation . If you 've been reading this blog for any length of time , you know how I feel about dogs . So obviously I 'm thrilled to do it ! First I had to check my schedule ( as if I ever go anywhere . ) Let 's see what I have during that time … . endocrinologist , rheumatologist , primary care physician , physical therapist . That 's it . It 's a couple weeks away , so hopefully I 'll make plans with friends , too . But still , 4 appointments ! I have friends who only see a doctor once a year for a checkup . I wonder what that 's like ? I guess I 'll never know . I had only lined up my socks a couple weeks earlier and I was already loving it . Now it 's been more than 2 months and I 'll never go back . I can see all of my socks at a glance , and I can easily grab the ones that are right for that day . This is important , because choosing the right socks can be stressful . One morning 12 years ago my toes were swollen and painful . It was hard to walk . I saw specialists , had tests done , and it was never figured out . The only thing that helped was Prednisone , and that 's not a long term solution . Over the years , the swelling and pain came and went , sometimes at random , sometimes obviously triggered by heat . Until a few years ago . A few years ago the swelling came and it stayed . I don 't know why . No one knows why . The amount of pain varies . I wear special orthodics , the only shoes I wear are sneakers and boots , I 'm super careful . But there 's only so much I can do . The more swollen my toes are , the harder it is to wear shoes . Or socks . On cold winter days sometimes I can 't wear socks at all , so I sit in a chair and wrap a blanket very loosely around my feet to keep the warm . It 's not ideal , but what else can I do ? Some socks are tighter in the toe , others are looser . I try different brands , always searching for the " best " socks for my poor little toes . Summer socks aren 't too hard in general , but winter socks tend to be tighter , plus they 're thicker , which makes my shoes feel tighter . But I can 't wear summer socks year - round because it 's simply too cold for that . Thanks to Raynaud 's , the circulation in my fingers and toes isn 't good , and my toes get very cold very easily . I also have to be careful not to wear warm socks on days that won 't be cold , because my toes could easily overheat , and then they 'd become even more swollen and even more painful . We all have these calculations we make in our heads a thousand times every day . When to take pills , which foods to eat , whether my fingers can manage the buttons on that dress today , can I walk in the sun or do I have to stay in the shade . For me , which socks to wear is just another calculation . Still , it 's one I struggle with Everything . Single . Morning . I became inspired to line up my socks as I was reading an organizational book . I put warmer socks together and cooler socks together . Then I organized them by how loose or tight they are around the toes . It 's been amazing ! No more hunting through my drawer each morning looking for the " right " socks for the day . Now I just decide on the weather and how swollen my toes are . If it 's a cold day and my toes aren 't too swollen , I can go for those cozy red socks . If it 's a cold day but my toes are more swollen , the soft purple socks will do . It seems silly to an outsider . But to me , it 's one of the thousand daily health calculations I make that 's been made easier . So it 's worth looking silly . Because it works . It feels like everyone with chronic illnesses has their own story of medical mismanagement . That leads to everyone having their feelings about doctors and the medical establishment . For me , it lead to a combination of distrust and dismissiveness . Which is why it wasn 't until I had a bad reaction that I realized I should have run things by my doctor . But it just simply had never occurred to me to talk to him about it . My own story of medical mismanagement has to do with crappy insurance , insular establishments , poor practitioners , and a lack of communication . In hindsight , I still can hardly believe that in 11 years of symptoms , my doctor only sent me to a rheumatologist ONCE , and that was only to rule out lupus . The next time I saw a rheumatologist was by my own design , and I was diagnosed within a few weeks . As it turns out , the test he used to diagnose me had been run several times before , with results that weren 't high enough for a diagnosis , but that were high enough that they should have been flagged . But no one told me about it , and my primary care physician didn 't keep track of it . So the ball was dropped . Over and over the ball was dropped . It was dropped when I went to my doctor asking to be tested for lactose intolerance . He told me there was no such test ( a lie ! ) and to keep a food journal . Then he showed the journal to a nutritionist ( supposedly ) and said that it showed I wasn 't lactose intolerant . That was it . No followup . No tests . No referral to a specialist . A few years later I was " diagnosed " with IBS . I remained sick . I was often underweight . I the pain , nausea , and diarrhea were getting worse . 12 years after the lack of a lactose intolerance test , I told my current doctor that I wanted to be tested for Celiac . She said there was no point , that I clearly didn 't have it , and the tests weren 't accurate anyway . She offered no other suggestions , tests , or specialist referrals . So I went gluten free on my own and saw results within a few weeks . 6 months later , with the help of my new naturopath , I made more changes to my diet . Finally , after 20 years of nausea and other digestive symptoms , I was " cured . " I could tell you dozens of stories like this , but the stories themselves aren 't the point . The point is that I found little use for primary care physicians . They rarely treated my symptoms properly . The rarely gave me the right referrals without a lot of nagging from me . They were supposed to coordinate my care but never did . So what was the point of them ? I kept them because insurance required it , that 's all . Recently I was having a normal day , when I was hit by a wave of nausea . Then my pulse spiked . I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest . I took my pulse many times . At one point it was 114 . That 's not good . After 45 minutes or so , it hit me : I was having a hyperthyroid incident ! A minor hyperthyroid incident is scary . A major one can kill you . So yeah , it 's good to take these things seriously . I immediately called my doctor , arranged to take the blood test the next day ( since the office and the lab were about to close in 10 minutes ) and lowered my medication . When my doctor , and later other doctors , asked what caused the hyperthyroid incident , I was able to give them a short list of likely reasons . They agreed with my assessment . And the question kept coming up : why hadn 't I told my doctor about the change I 'd made to my adrenal supplement dose ? I knew I would have to lower my thyroid dose to account for the new adrenal dose . I had planned to do that the next week . My body just responded to the change faster than I had expected . My naturopath was working with me on this , and she hadn 't expected such a quick response either . I should have told him . I know that in hindsight . And I hope that next time I will . But who knows ? I have very good reasons to be so dismissive of PCPs . No one argues with that ( except my doctors , of course . ) Maybe one day , if I have enough good experiences , I 'll learn to trust them . Maybe . After all , I chose to lower my thyroid dose after that incident . I hadn 't had the blood test yet . I didn 't know for sure what had happened . Then the test results came back . I was very hyperthyroid . My doctor 's office told me to lower my dose immediately . But that was days later . The delay could have been dangers . I feel like I 'll never get a dog . It was almost two years ago , in June 2015 , when I finally decided I was ready to get a dog . And here I am , dogless . After last year 's fail , I was shaken . I felt that I shouldn 't have a dog . Finally after many months , I began to feel almost ready again . Then my parents went out of town and I watched their dog for a week . See that fluffy cuddler in the photo ? After a week with him I was SO READY ! But I had been applying for apartments , I had no idea when I would move . What if I got a dog and then learned I had to move just a few weeks later ? Even if the dog could handle it , I knew it would be too much for me . Even just the move alone felt overwhelming . Just a few weeks after cuddling with my parents ' lovebug , I was offered an apartment . That meant no dog until after the move . Once I moved , I had to unpack and get set up . I kept telling myself I should get fully settled before I started looking for a dog , but it was so hard . Before I knew it I was on Petfinder , Adopt - a - pet , and several local rescues ' sites . But it was no good . Most dogs weren 't a good fit , mostly because of my health limitations . When a dog did look like a fit , I applied right away , only to learn someone else had gotten there before me . I set up alerts on the various web sites , so I would get an email when a new dog was posted . I applied the same day , and still had no luck . And then last week I had to face the reality that my dog search must be put on hold . It 's spring here in Boston , which means more pain and less energy for me . That would be hard with a dog , but I would manage . But with a NEW dog , it 's too much . The first few months of dog ownership will be incredibly difficult and tiring . I need to be at my absolute best . And during the coming months I will be at my worst . Waiting until the fall is the smart thing to do . I will feel better . I will be more capable . But it means waiting another 6 months before I even begin to search again ! And at that point , I might not find my dog . People keep telling me to hold out , it will work . If it was someone else , I would be encouraging them , too . But right now , it just feels so impossible . I want my dog , my fluffy ball of love , and I don 't want to wait any longer . It 's been 2 years . Will I ever become a dog momma ? Then the other day , it wasn 't just a memory . It 's what I 'm guessing is called a flashback . I wasn 't confused . I knew I wasn 't in the doctor 's office . I felt like I was there . I could see the nurse standing over me . I could feel my arm outstretched as she looked for a vein ( while in real life it wasn 't stretched out at all . ) And I got all of the same symptoms I 'd had at that time - the dizziness and jumpy vision among others , all while I knew it wasn 't real , it was a memory or something . Each flash was short , but then it would come back ( the trigger remained for a while . ) As soon as the trigger was gone , I felt fine . Shaky and confused , of course , but fine . For years I have assured people I don 't have PTSD . I 've read the descriptions many times and I don 't have it . But maybe I have something else ? I don 't have a therapist and I won 't have one any time soon . After all , this only happened once . And therapists are expensive . And my past therapy experiences weren 't good , so it 's not like I 'm feeling like one will help me . But the thing is , I want to know what 's going on . A label might help , because then I can look into ways to prevent it , or at least ways to handle it if it happens again . Coping mechanisms . Has this happened to you ? If so , what caused it ? What do you do about it ? Please let me know , so maybe we can learn from each other ! Some of these people are awesome : understanding , supportive , helpful . And some make me want to scream by thinking they can offer me advice . People I barely know , or maybe don 't know at all , tell me what I should do for my health . Or worse , they don 't understand that I really am sick . Usually I walk away . If they don 't understand , then I don 't want to waste my time . But this latest one is a tougher situation . It 's my physical therapist . For one thing , she means well but she 's scatter - brained . She asked me if I 'd tried a particular yoga pose . I said no , I was told not to do yoga . She was surprised . I pointed out that she told me not to do yoga just a few weeks ago . Things like that . When I walk in , she has no recollection of what we did last time , even though I know she writes notes after every visit . She also does a good job overall . And there 's no one else to see . It took years for me to find her ! I searched for ages for someone to do this particular type of treatment ( easy ) that my insurance would cover ( almost impossible . ) One of my insurances covers her and she 's giving me a break on the other . I really appreciate that . She 's been so kind about it . And she does a good job . But then she wants me to exercise more , to make sure I build up a good sweat . I try and explain how adrenal fatigue works , how that could be dangerous . She wants me to talk to my other doctors to make sure I 'm really not supposed to be doing it . You know , in case we hadn 't already had this conversation 80 bazillion times . In case I misunderstood . In case I don 't know my own body ! So frustrating ! And then yesterday she grabbed my wrist for the millionth time . I know this is just a typical maneuver . I know she does this automatically because she 's done it so many times before with countless other patients . But she 's a physical therapist and she needs to take each patient 's needs into account and I don 't know how many more times I can tell her not to do this before I completely lose my shit . Because I 've been clear . I 've said it hurts . I 've explained that I have a long history of pain there . I 've said that it upsets me . Yesterday I calmly talked about it after the appointment . I explained the emotional trauma a bit . She tried to say there was no need to explain , but I figured hearing it might help her to fucking remember ! I don 't usually swear on this site , even though I do in real life . Not a lot , but enough . I can hold back when I think it will offend people . Usually . But not today , because this is SO UPSETTING to me ! I have 25 years of pain in my wrists . It was my first symptom . But that 's not the reason it upsets me so much . No , it 's because of how I was treated . Doctors did horrible things to that wrist and to me . I had to start off my explanation by saying , " I don 't have PTSD but … . " Because while it 's not PTSD , I do have a panic response . I told her that there is no one in this world I trust to touch my wrist , and that 's true . There are some people I trust to touch near it , and some don 't make me panic as much , but I don 't trust anyone . Not even my mother , my best friends , my past lovers . And certainly not medical professionals ! This is far from the first time , but I admit it was more surprising than usual . After all , this event was big on promoting inclusivity . Apparently that covers a lot of minority groups , but not those who are disabled . I was lucky I was able to do those stairs last night . Some days I can 't . And what about everyone else who can 't ? They would have shown up , only to have to turn around and go home . I remember going to my 10 year high school reunion and arriving to find a flight of stairs . I was pissed . I almost turned around and went home . I was in so much pain that I had almost stayed home in the first place , and now stairs ! They were basically saying that no one who had developed health issues that limited their use of stairs was welcome , not to mention our classmate with cerebal palsy who was in a wheelchair all through our school years together . WTF , organizers ? ! I know she wasn 't in your " cool " circle but that doesn 't make her any less a part of our class ! I said something to the reunion organizers at the time . Now our 20 year reunion is coming up . I should probably say something again , just to be sure . Is this really so hard ? Last night I said something , too . The organizer immediately tried to point out a tiny back door that of course I hadn 't known existed . I told him , " If there 's no sign , it 's not accessible ! If there 's no parking , it 's not accessible ! " Because if someone can 't walk far , they can 't get from that parking lot to the building . And how is someone supposed to know to come around to the back door ? Never mind not everyone can walk that far . And I 'm not sure the path is wide enough and even enough for a wheelchair . And it 's not lit . So yeah , really not accessible . And the truth is , there was a sign . There was a big , huge , blatant sign : " Disabled People Not Welcome ! " That 's the sign I saw when I looked at those stairs . Would you go to an event that had a sign saying " No Jews " like the signs my grandparents literally saw years ago ? How about a sign saying " Whites Only " with a door for racial minorities around back ? No ? If those aren 't ok , then why does our society feel it 's ok to have figurative " Able - bodied Only " signs ? They 're everywhere , and I 'm completely fed up . THIS IS NOT OK ! ! ! The one bright spot was that at the end of the event , I mentioned something to the other participants . It was disheartening that they hadn 't noticed something , but at least their response was better than the organizer 's . They didn 't try to justify anything . Instead , they immediately started brainstorming where next month 's event could be held that would be accessible . That made me happy . Then again , the bar has been set super low . We need to raise it , because no one should be able to get away with that attitude unchallenged . I am not a doctor or any other sort of medical professional . I am writing my own thoughts , feelings and opinions here . Please consult your own medical professional for advice on your own particular situation . You are responsible for your own choices .
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Every Thanksgiving morning , there is a race in downtown Cleveland , like in a lot of cities . I love the concept of Turkey Trots , that says that Thanksgiving isn 't all about gorging on food - you can still be healthy and enjoy Thanksgiving and spend time with your family by doing so ! My dad has run loads of Turkey Trots and tried every year to get me to run . I was never a runner though and saw that sleeping in on Thanksgiving morning was much more important than running a race . Last year , however , I was starting to race in New York and jumped on the chance when my dad sent that perennial email asking if I wanted to run the Trot . That race , however , was not a fun one . The course is right along Lake Erie downtown , which is completely open and vulnerable to the elements . Last year is was snowing / freezing rain / sleeting / windy / cold and everything else that is like that . It . was . so . miserable . My dad was recounting that race when we were lining up this year , and how he kept telling himself after every mile that that was one mile he didn 't have to do anymore . My time on that race was 42 min ( it 's a 5 - miler ) , pretty fast cause all I wanted to do was finish the damn thing . My dad and sister and I had fun together though , even though it was pretty miserable . Fast forward to this year . Lots has happened since the last Turkey Trot . I 've had two running injuries , broke my toe and became addicted to racing . So , Wednesday night , the night before Thanksgiving , I went to bed way too excited to get up the next morning and race . I woke up the next morning on my own , not needing a nudge from my dad or Dalton to jump on my bed , because I was so fricking exited . And … the sun was shining ! The SUN ! ! No rain , no snow , no sleet , no wind . Amazing . One of our team decided to stay in bed ( Maggie - I think last year 's miserable conditions convinced her that bed would be more fun ) but dad and I were 100 % in . A quick nosh on a Z - bar ( mmmmmmmmmmm ) and we were off ! Well , off in the car . In places that aren 't New York you have to drive to races sometimes . Imagine that ! My mom joined us too to be our cheerleading squad . It was nice to have someone watching unlike last year ( but rightly so ) . My dad and I camped out for a bit at the convention center waiting for the race to start along with , it sure seemed like , half of Cleveland . And , as always , we ran into people my dad knows but I don 't . Smile and nod Betsy , smile and nod . Pretty soon it was almost 9 : 30 which meant it was almost the start of the race ! 9 : 30 … and they 're off ! A run along Lake Erie in Cleveland with beautiful sunshine … there 's nothing like it . Ok - I 'm going to give guesses for how I felt mile upon mile , especially in terms of hills and such . Mile 1 - I split from my dad pretty fast ( sorry dad ! ) to get up in front away from the walkers and slow people . Lots of running on the curb and sidewalks to get past slowpokes . I felt like I was running my normal speed - between 8 : 15 and 8 : 30 . However , when I got to my first mile marker , my watch said 8 : 05 . Wh - aaat ? ! ? Um that 's fast . Way fast for me . I wasn 't sure if I should slow down cause I still had 4 miles to go . I decided to just keep going at that pace . I think the second mile had lots of downhills and flat stretches , cause my watch said it was 7 : 30 for Mile 2 . ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? That 's a sub 8 - min pace peps ! ! ! ! ! I was in SHOCK … at the time , I was pretty sure that they measured the course wrong cause that 's one insanely fast pace for me . And I still felt pretty good - once I got over that bit of nausea from that final hill . Overall , it was a fantastic race on a beautiful day and something fun to do with my dad . He finished not long after me at 45 : something - better than last year ! He has had surgery on his ACL so that 's phenomenal for him . In his heyday , he was quite the marathoner and qualified for Boston - my ultimate goal . I 'm so glad that now I have this hobby that I share with him , and Thanksgiving was ( and is ) the perfect time to share that with him . We got back home with plenty of time to make Thanksgiving dinner … and I barely had a second to eat my oatmeal before my mom got me to work with OUR shared hobby … cooking of course . Here are some pics of the race my mom took . Can you see me ? Probably not , cause neither can I . Rock & Roll Hall of Fame : This time , exactly three years ago , I was living in Sevilla , Spain as an English teacher . I was living with a true cornucopia of people from all over the globe ( American , Puerto Rican , Dutch , Swiss , German , Mexican , English , Australian , Kiwi and Spanish ) . Ever seen that movie The Spanish Apartment ? Yeah - it was kinda like that . Well , the day before Thanksgiving that year , I was getting pretty homesick when the Puerto Rican guy Jose ( who had lived most of his life in the States ) asked me if I 'd be interested in doing Thanksgiving for the house with him . I was so excited he proposed that and asked him what he wanted me to cook . He said nothing , just to show up excited for the day . I asked him if he was planning on making stuffing , and he said no . What ! ? ! ? ! ? ! Hold up here … no stuffing ? That 's just ridiculous . Thanksgiving isn 't thanksgiving without stuffing . It 's not only my favorite Thanksgiving food ( by far ) , it 's up there as one of my favorite foods of all time . I told him that I had to have stuffing and I would make it . However , there was a problem : I 'd never made stuffing before . I knew if involved bread and celery and baking and consuming , but I didn 't know anything else . So , I emailed my mom to get her should - be award - winning recipe for stuffing . Her response was an incredibly vague recipe for stuffing that didn 't even include spices ! And because I couldn 't call her cause it was muy caro , I had to use her recipe and figure out what was missing to make the ultimate stuffing , especially for a bunch of people who had never had stuffing before ! The morning of Thanksgiving ( actually , we ate on Friday cause I had a bunch of classes to teach the day before ) I woke up late . Really really late . At noon and we were supposed to be eating at 2pm . I was sleeping some crazy hours when I was there . I hadn 't started my stuffing at all and still had to go to the supermarket - the far away Corte Ingles , not the close SuperSol cause SuperSol had random stuff and Corte Ingles had everything . I left my flat within 10 minutes of waking up and ran into Jose on the way there . He just looked at me and looked at his watch and just shook his head . As I ran by him in my flip flops ( ahhhh , Southern Spain in late November ) , I screamed that I promised I would be done in time . I got to the supermarket in 15 minutes and spent the next 30 wandering around , searching for thyme and sage . I had no idea how to say them in Spanish ( still don 't ) and just started at the dried herbs in confusion . I finally found the thyme by smelling everything ( and I think it started with a T too ) , along with everything else and sprinted back to my flat . It was at least 1 by the time I got there and got cooking . I was able to decipher my mom 's recipe and pump out my first stuffing . I didn 't finish by 2 - more like 2 : 45 , but it 's a good think Spaniards are chronically late . Along with some rotisserie chickens ( no turkeys in Spain , also this is before I was a full vegetarian ) , some sweet potatoes , green beans , cranberries and classic tortilla , Jose and I presented a first Thanksgiving to about 12 or 13 non - Americans . I remember that everyone had a great time and enjoyed it all , especially the homesick Americans ( I wasn 't the only one ) . We talked about how Thanksgiving started and what our familiy traditions were . It was one of my favorite memories of that time in Spain - that 's how I remember it all so well ! And the stuffing ? I honestly think the non - Americans didn 't really get it . Soggy baked bread ? Hmmmm . I have a little feeling that they just ate it to be polite . I , along with the other Americans , LOVED it though . We only had a little bit leftover and that was gone in a flash by the next day . That smell of that thyme , despite the hurdles I had to jump over to get it , brought me back to my Mom 's house for the day and made me feel a little less homesick . And that brings us to 2008 . Stuffing is still my favorite Thanksgiving food and I was looking forward to it like no other . And gorging on it . And eating it cold the next day . And the next day after that . However , I am now a full vegetarian and won 't eat my Mom 's stuffing that she stuffs inside the Turkey and uses chicken broth in . I asked her last week if I could make my own and she said sure . Thanks Mom ! It was just like Spain all over again … except this time I got it started the day before . My mom had pulled out some whole wheat sandwich bread for me that she had ( I have no idea where … had you froze it Mom ? Or was it a new loaf ? ) and I added a whole wheat demi - baguette from Whole Foods for some different texture . I tore up all the bread into small pieces and let it sit out overnight to get stale ( this was something I was seriously lacking when I was in Spain . You can 't get bread stale in 5 minutes ) . I don 't know why you get it stale , but it makes it better . FYI - the pics from now on are all taken by my sister . She made them blurry . Maggie - why did you make them blurry ? ! She 's a really good photographer - maybe not with my camera . The morning of Thanksgiving , I got back from the Turkey Trot ( Running Update coming soon ! ) and got ready to sit down to a nice hot bowl of oatmeal . My mom , however , had different plans . She said that I had to make my stuffing at that instant or I wasn 't going to get it cooked because she needed the oven for the 17 pound turkey . But mom ! I 'm cold and hungry and tired ! Well , at least she let me finish my oatmeal but I wasn 't allowed to linger . So I got cooking . I started with some celery and onions that my mom had pre - chopped along with some fresh thyme ( not in Spanish ! ) and parsley . I like lots of veggies in my stuffing so I added more onions and celery . I sauteed all that in a bit of olive oil in a deep saucepan . The key to this is using a big enough pan . What 's up . ( I look so crappy cause remember I had barely gotten back from the Turkey Trot and had loaded on some sweats on top of my running clothes cause I was so cold ! ) When that got all soft and good , I added the stale bread and mixed that in with all the veggies . I did it in 3 rounds so I could get it all in the pan ( I would squish it down ) . Throughout this I kept adding more and more dried thyme . I like things extra herb - y so I wanted more and more . And thyme is one of my favorite herbs so to me , the more , the better . After I got all that combined to my satisfaction , I started adding the broth . I added a little at a time , letting the bread absorb all the liquid . I wanted enough broth so the stuffing wasn 't dry but not too much that it was soggy . I 'd say I added about half a quart of veggie broth , or 2 cups . Squishy but not falling apart - a key . But wait ! After about 10 minutes ( definitely not enough time ) my mom declared that I was time for the turkey and my stuffing had to wait . So , that promptly came out of the oven and into the fridge . No stuffing quite yet . Along with the rest of our spread - turkey , non - veggie stuffing in the front , my healthy , whole wheat stuffing in the back , mashed potatoes covered , brussels sprouts , mac & cheese , butternut squash , oyster dressing - my stuffing was absolutely phenomenal . I 'm going to brag a little and say that it was the best I 've ever had . I didn 't eat my mom 's but I 'm sure that was fantastic too . I stuffed myself with stuffing and the day after and the day after . It was amazing and brought back memories of my American Thanksgiving in Spain 3 years earlier . Salud ! I was set to go and psyched . Yeah - I know my braid is sticking out the side . It 's hard to put hair in a hat . I set out along Avenue B on a little walking warm - up , what I always do . That didn 't help . It made me colder . Man , it was cold . Till I cross over the FDR and hit the East River ! This is when , in my head , my real run starts . That 's Brooklyn across the river there . There 's a path , not pavement , kinda packed dirt , that runs sort of along the river , but more so along the FDR . Who doesn 't love running along a highway . Yeah … I just try to look to the left , to the pretty trees , the sports fields and the Williamsburg bridge up ahead . After about 10 minutes I hit the tiniest little area with grass that has a little dirt path that has been tread on by hundreds of runners . For some reason , I always look forward to it . However , it only lasts about 10 seconds . It 's really short . To the left there is some warehouses or something . It 's an interesting scene in East River " Park " . At the end of the little path with the Manhattan Bridge ahead ( it was one spectacular day ) . To the right is the FDR which is now a raised that I 'm about to go under … Ahhh … that 's better ! Still under the FDR but it 's completely open on the left so it 's much prettier . There 's always tons of older asian men and women doing exercises and calisthenics … they 're so cute ! I don 't think they 'd like me taking pictures … so I didn 't . That 's the Manhattan Bridge in the foreground and the Brooklyn Bridge in the background . I was still feeling good - not cold anymore but man oh man was my nose running . I got closer to the Brooklyn Bridge , which I run across on this route when I want to add some extra mileage . It adds about 2 miles . Awesome . This was interesting turning to the side and taking picture , but it was too beautiful not to capture . Brooklyn Bridge again with Brooklyn outlined in the light . Hi Ari ! Nice pic Bets ! Ahhhh ! ! ! ! When I get past the bridges , there 's this super scary … thing . I have no idea what to call it but it freaks me out everytime . It 's dark and empty and cold . Good think it 's like the path … 10 seconds and I 'm done . A little running . A little running … Then there 's this weird grate thing that is right over the water that always makes me feel like I 'm at Seaworld . Dolphins ? Shamu ? None today . Boo . Following that is a nice open stretch right along the water today . The wind was roaring here yesterday which made it quite difficult ( and cold ! ) to run . Look ! In the distance that 's the Verrazano - Narrows which goes from Staten Island to Brooklyn ( this is really zoomed in ) that starts the New York Marathon ! One day … one day . It 's turn - around time ! I ran to Battery Park which is right at the bottom of the island looking up at Lower Manhattan , and where every tourist in Manhattan congregates to go to the Statue of Liberty . Thankfully I was there early ( maybe 8am ) so it was empty . It 's me halfway ! Sorry I 'm squinting … it was insanely sunny . That pointy thing to the left of me is the Statue of Liberty . I was feeling pretty good halfway . Taking pictures was totally distracting me so I barely noticed I was running . Let 's go back ! This is a heli - port that was one crazy busy when I was running by it with all these photographers around . There was someone famous landing but I didn 't get to see who it was . In my mind , it was J . Lo and Marc Anthony . I feel like they would be the kind of self - absorbed famous people that need to fly around in helicopters . It still would have been super cool to see them . Or whoever it was . Back under the FDR again in Chinatown . I was starting to feel it here . Gettin ' tired . A little wheezy from the cold . Keep on trucking , keep on trucking . Then I noticed the fence along the FDR had animals on it . Like this crab . I don 't know about you , but I wouldn 't eat a crab fished out of the East River . Wait - I would never eat a crab . Never mind . Pretty with the Williamsburg Bridge ahead and fields to the right . I saw lots of kids playing Pee Wee ( is that right ? I grew up around Hockey and that 's what it 's called in Hockey ) Football and Soccer . I felt bad for them in that cold . I felt even worse for their parents … they were just standing there . It was freezing . So , last night while running the treadmill at the gym , I was trying to think of a way to add something fun and exciting to this post . Any fun stories or anecdotes ? Crazy experiences ? Silly segues ? No , no , none of that . How can I relate this awesome episode of Survivor I 'm watching while on the treadmill to this recipe ? Did I use tofu to make a fake immunity idol ? Did I giggle incessantly while making it as the contestants did in tribal council tonight ? No ( by the way … I 'm not normally a Survivor person , but this season started in the midst of my bed rest period - i . e . the night I broke my toe - and all I was doing was studying for the GREs and watching TV , so I got addicted but only catch every 4th or so episode now . I was psyched that they had it on at the gym . ) No , no , none of that . I guess this is just going to be boring . Let me know if you fall asleep while reading this . This cooking adventure took place several weeks ago ( which , let 's be honest here , 90 % of my posts do ) when I was jonesing for some baked tofu . Now , many of you might remember , I don 't have a good track record with tofu . I basically mess it up every time ( do you remember when I had this post and I thought it might be a fluke ? Yeah - it was a fluke . That never worked again ) , so I 'm always trying new ways to cook it because I don 't have a good standby . And almost every time I follow a recipe , it fails , so I just make things up . I still eat tofu frequently , but 99 times out of 100 , it 's just a chunk cut fresh with some tamari sauce poured on top and eaten plain and cold . Good , but kinda boring . I was in the mood for something different , specifically baked and delicious . I hit a snag here though … when baking tofu I think the key is an even single layer - no double stacking . However , my kitchen cabinets are severly lacking in terms of cookware - all of it save for some bowls and my mini quisinart that I purchased are hand - me - downs from my mom or my roommate 's parents . Therefore , I don 't have a large enough pan to bake a whole package of tofu in a single layer . It was time to get creative . I have 2 loaf pans that I use frequently that I tried to fit it all in … nope . Double layers everywhere ! Disaster in the making . How ' bout a nice glass baking dish ? No way Jose ! It also didn 't fit and things burn in glass easily and are impossible to clean up . Wait a minute … what 's that I see in the back ? Why yes … it 's a mini muffin pan ! It hit me like a load of bricks . Or a load of mini muffins . I thought " Man Betsy , you are one genius … this is going to work perfectly ! " So , I talk to myself a lot . . don 't you ? I thought so . Mini muffin pan it was ! ! ! Awesome . So , I set about cutting my tofu ( which I had pressed ) into small squares ( maybe 1 . 5 inches x 1 . 5 inches and half an inch or so thick ) and making a spice rub to make them yummy . I 'm trying to remember the exact mixture , but let 's go with cayenne pepper , chili powder , cumin , fennel seeds , black pepper , paprika ( don 't know why I added this - I hate paprika ) , salt … maybe something else or that might be it . I put a heavy sprinkling ( or sprinklin ' like how Sarah Palin might say it ) on each side of each piece of tofu , using the wetness of the tofu for the rub to stick . I then put each piece in each muffin spot ( ? what would you call this ) in the pan , pressing them down a little so they formed a little cup . The tofu wasn 't touching the bottom of the pan ( it would have to be much smaller to do that ) and stuck up a little on the edges . It was kinda the cutest thing ever when I put them all in there ! Lil ' tofu cups ! Everything little is cuter . The result … the cutest little slightly crunch tofu cups . The edges were crispy and the middle was chewy . They weren 't soggy at all because they weren 't touching the bottom of the pan . You could totally put sauce in middle like those Tostitos Tortilla Scoops things . I could totally market these like that . Who would buy them ? Let 's be honest … probably no one . And the taste ? Let 's be honest again … not great . That rub was not a winner . It was that darn paprika , I swear ! So , I got a technique down … but not a rub . Here 's a question for my loyal readers ( probably only my Mom if we 're really being honest all around here ) … what rubs and sauces and marinades for tofu can I use that work great and taste great ? Any sucesses ? I just want my tofu to taste good . I need some serious help here . ( For those of you who are new to my blog , I used to write Running Updates every week when I was training for a half marathon early this year . I stopped when I got injured but started training for a marathon soon after . I didn 't continue with the updates because I didn 't want to jinx it . That ended with a broken toe and I decided screw it … I just want to talk about running baby ! ) So technically I haven 't run since August because one thing I didn 't share was I got slightly injured while marathon training with IT Band problems . Booooo . I was getting ready to get back into training again when the toe brewhaha happened so it 's been almost three months since a true run ! I couldn 't run until I was ready to put a true shoe on my right foot . This is what I have been wearing . Nice combo , huh ! ? The break was pretty much healed but it was still incredibly tender on top with no nail and from the cut . Ewww . Also , it was still quite swollen and anything but my ugly surgical boot or flipflops felt tight . If there are enough requests I 'll post a pic of what my toe looks like now . About 3 weeks ago , I was toying with the idea of putting a real shoe on but was nervous so I put if off . Then , on Marathon Sunday , as mentioned earlier , it was so cold and windy . I didn 't want to expose my poor foot to the elements so I sucked it up and slipped on my loosest Chuck 's . It was a little tight but totally livable . Awesome ! So , now that I could wear a shoe , it was time to start thinking about running . And it happened sooner that I ever thought . On the morning of the election , I needed to go to the gym early if I was going to be able to park my butt on the couch all night watching returns . So , when I left my apartment at 4 : 45 in the morning ( sacrifices people ) I was planning on recumbant biking - it . When I got to the gym at 4 : 51 in the morning all of a sudden I was hit with the desire to try out the treadmill . Must have been election day excitement . So I hopped on the treadmill , telling myself that I would get off immediately if my toe hurt , and got going . 35 minutes or so later , I ran my first 4 miles since August . And it was awesome . I honestly think there is no workout like a good run . I always feel like I get so much out of a run versus the same amount of time on an elliptical machine . It felt good … sooo good . A week and a half later , I 've run 5 more times , including a fantastic 7 - miler yesterday morning and my first race this morning since March . MARCH ! ! ! ! It was the Race to Deliver 4 - miler . I didn 't really know what to expect considering I hadn 't raced for so long . But I was excited … man I love racing . It was a crazy windy morning and I lined up early with my group to try to hide from the viscous winds by surrounding myself with tall people in a corral . Not that hard considering my height . I wasn 't sure how I was going to approach this race … normally I just run races to run them … I treat them like just another run , nothing special . But , as I was waiting for the start , I thought that maybe I would really race . Like push myself race . And from the second I crossed the start line , I felt it in me and just went off . The first mile was pretty good although it was hilly so it wasn 't my best time . Cat Hill is the biggest hill in this loop and is in that first mile , so I wasn 't expecting a stellar time . However , I enjoy running hills so pushed myself and ran about a 8 : 30 mile . Not bad for a hilly mile ! ( FYI - my pace in the past has been a consistent 8 : 30 - 9 : 00 min / mile for 4 mile races ) . Then the second mile started and I knew I could really get a good time . It 's a mostly fast mile going up north along the 5th ave side of the park . I really pushed myself , helped greatly by a girl who was running by me also running fast - I was trying desperately to beat her . We were neck and neck the entire time … thanks blond girl in the shorts and Norwegian Run shirt ! That second mile I hat a sub - 8 min / mile time ! Maybe around 7 : 55 . Nice ! Not gonna lie though , I was getting tired . Mile 3 is hilly ( west side hills ) but I didn 't want that girl to beat me ! So I just kept pushing and pushing , racing down the downhills and doing short , strong strides up the uphill . It was hard but fun passing all those people . The last mile was pretty flat again so I just pushed it . I knew I only had 1 mile left so I had no reason to hold back . AndIt was a perfect reintroduction into racing and made me love it all over again . Up next - Turkey Trot ! ! A great 5 - miler with my Dad and sister on Thanksgiving morning next week in Downtown Cleveland . Last year it was this nasty freezing rain snow weird mix with intense winds off the lake … lets hope for better rain this time around . It will give me an excuse to have no reservations of eating buckets of stuffing that afternoon . Stuffing … ( totally off - topic , but for any New Yorkers , I ended up at the New Museum on my way home from the race this morning to see the Elizabeth Peyton exhibit . Amazing . So amazing . Please see it . You won 't regret it ) First of all , I just want to say that I am in still totally in awe over the election . I am so proud of our country right now and I feel like we witnessed something truly revolutionary and monumental . Everytime I see an image online or in the newspaper or in tv that says President Obama , I still get teary - eyed . I 'm looking forward to see him in action . It 's a new world right now . Onto food ! But first … the events of the day last Sunday . I swear it has to do with food ! Just read on . So , last Sunday ( the 2nd ) was one of my favorite days of the year to be a New Yorker . ( Oh crap . I 'm watching Andy Rooney talk about the election and I 'm crying again . It 's probably never going to stop for the next 8 years . ) Last Sunday was the New York Marathon ! It 's such a fun day for both runners and non runners . The entire marathon roams through all five boroughs so no matter where you live , you can probably find some close - ish to go watch . Also , because it travels through the entire city , the whole course is swamped with fans along every inch . Us New Yorkers love to cheer ! Last year I went to my friend 's apartment in Brooklyn who lives right on the course on 4th Ave and we sat out her window for 5 hours cheering for every single runner , from the amazing elite men and women to the walkers in the back . So , this year , knowing I wasn 't going to be able to go back to my friend 's in Brooklyn , I got a friend to go with me to 1st Ave in Manhattan to cheer . We got there just in time to see the elite women ( they go first ) … . They were pretty amazing to watch . I mean their legs ! How the hell do they move so fast ! ? ! ? ! And those strides ! ! Huge ! And oh my god those abs . I mean , Paula Radcliffe just had a baby like 20 months ago ! Jealous . Oh so jealous . After watching the amazing women ( Paula won … she is so amazing ) we had brunch right there on 1st Ave ( Le Pain Quotidien . Mmmmmm praline spread mmmmmm ) and went right back outside to watch the rest of the marathon . We missed the elite men but that didn 't matter … there were still TONS of people coming through . We spent the next 3 hours standing on the street cheering our little butts off . It was FREEZING but that didn 't matter . If you 've never cheered at a marathon before , a lot of runners write their names on their shirts to they can be called out and cheered for by name . We shouted for many Bob 's and Dan 's and Ali 's and Jen 's and names longer than 3 letters too . We shouted for Italians and Australians and guys in green shirts and Buffalo Bills shirts . Anything to make a runner look our way and encourage a big smile and get them going . We were definitely the loudest in our little vicinity and even had two groups of people come up to us and ask us to help them cheer for their friends when they came through . We even had an Italian runner tell us we were the two prettiest things on the course . I 'll take compliments from delirious marathon runners any day ! It made me even more excited about my future marathon … whenever that might be . Ooooo , it was fun . I love marathons and cheering for them . Seeing all those runners reach that huge goal after all those week of training is pretty amazing and such a blast ! I 'll be there one day … So , by the time I trekked all the way home ( it 's a trek … 60 + blocks . in the wind and cold ) I was freeeezing , as was my apartment . You see , the day before it wasn 't so cold and I had the window open in my room as did one of my roommates . So my apartment wasn 't much respite from the weather outside which meant that I needed an outside source to warm me up . My body was cold , my throat was scratchy and sore from all the screaming ( those runners better had appreciated my screaming ! ) - there was only one possible answer . Soup . Creamy , delicious , warming soup . And I knew exactly what kind to make . Well , considering I had planned this whole thing the day before , of course I knew what kind to make . Butternut squash of course ! My favorite part of autumn , butternut squash soup on a cold was just the ticket . However , I 've made tons of baked butternut squash before but never butternut squash soup . The reason ? I don 't have a stick blender which is needed to make the soup creamy and blendy ( is that a word ? well , as I 'm typing this , a red line appeared underneath , so I think now . I don 't care ! ) But guess what ? I still don 't have one , so I needed to work around that . The second problem was that I didn 't have a tried and true recipe that I feel like one needs for a classic butternut squash soup . Did I want to try something new ? Heck no … I 'm the queen of making up my own recipes . I was going to wing it ! So here 's how my recipe came together . I picked up a nice squash at the farmer 's market the Saturday before and decided to wander to find something else to put in . I didn 't want it to be just squash so I was looking for some farmer 's market inspiration . I found it quickly in the most bountiful fall veg at the market . Apples ! ! Wait a minute … thats not a veg . But that 's besides the point . Seriously though , every single farmer has bushels of apples overflowing so I had to take advantage of it . And I swear I had seen a recipe somewhere that said that apples are great in a butternut squash soup . ( after I made this I saw about 4 butternut squash soup recipes with apples in it , so I was totally right . I always am . ) Along with the squash and apples , I picked up some onions and garlic and was on my way . Remember that I needed to get over the lack of stick blender but still wanted a creamy soup ? I decided to roast the bejesus out of everything so they were as mushy as possible . I pumped the oven to maybe 375 or 450 and roasted it all for about an hour and a half , until it was as roasted as possible . Here 's what it looked like when it was the desired mushiness . As much as I wanted to dig in right there ( who doesn 't love plain roasted autumn veggies ? ) I persevered in my slightly less freezing apartment ( the oven made it a little more toasty ) to turn this mush into soup . I tossed all that mush into my handy dutch oven along with a quart of veggie stock ( I use Whole Foods brand - it 's cheap as all heck and good ) , about 3 ladle - fuls of water and a bunch of fresh thyme . I then took my potato masher and mashed the concoction to death . Well , not that much because I still wanted it a little chunky . Because I let it cook so long , the mashing was so easy and it became a real soup pretty quickly ! I then covered it and let it simmer for about 30 minutes . I was way too excited to dig in when I decided it was done . I filled up a bowl and cozied up on the couch while watching the Amazing Race . This was not one of those recipes where I wasn 't sure if it was going to be good or not . I knew it was going to amazing ( like the race ! ) … it was . Honestly , I think it 's the best soup I 've ever made , and I 've made tons of soups before . It was a gorgeous deep orange color - dark because I had roasted it so much and had so much flavor . I couldn 't taste the apple but it tasted subtly sweeter because of the apple . Also , because it had all be roasted , there were lots of bits of carmelized burnt pieces that were kinda chewy and fantastic to eat . And the thyme … ooo that thyme . My favorite herb made the whole soup . And it was still a little chunky which made it a little more exciting that just a straight creamy soup . Overall , it was so incredible and perfect and the ideal throat soother for a sore marathon cheering soup . Next year , maybe I 'll need post marathon running soup . Who knows . The lottery pickers at the New York Marathon know . They hold my fate in their hands . Peel the butternut squash and chop into small pieces . Chop the apples and onions into similar size pieces ( keep the peel on the apples ) . Toss all chopped produce along with the peeled but whole garlic cloves with a few tablespoons of olive oil and salt and pepper . Put it all in a baking dish in a pretty thin layer and bake at 375 for about an hour and a half , mixing twice during baking , until quite mushy . Put all the baked squash , apples and onions into a large pot ( like a dutch oven ) along with the stock and water . Mash with a potato masher until it reaches your desired smoothness . Add the thyme . Cover and simmer for about 30 minutes . Eat it on a cold day to warm your soul . Mmmmm .
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Today was not a good day . Around 11am , my cockatoo basically crashed . He 'd been looking a bit worse for wear the last few days so we 'd made a vet appointment , but he became acutely worse . My husband rushed him to the vet , but I had to be at work so I couldn 't go . He died in the vet 's hands while I was at work . I was speaking with my very upset husband on the phone while he held our beloved pink fluffy cockatoo minutes after his last breath . Our pets are very dearly loved and we go to the ends of the earth for these creatures we choose to share our lives with , and we have fought so hard for so long to keep Gallifrey going , but his body finally couldn 't hold out any longer . He went downhill so fast , there was no saving him . When I have lost pets in the past , I 've had an extremely hard time in the immediate aftermath . Hearing my big , strong husband that upset - he is as close to our pets as I am - is also really hard . Thinking about the devastation my kids would feel is hard . But today , I shut it down . I shed a couple of tears and then told myself to shelve it , I had work to do . So I put it out of my mind and went back into the pit and kept going . I smiled and laughed and joked with my patients , and chatted with my colleagues , and I learned and worked , and followed up and figured out where things go . I sutured and lanced and interpreted x - rays and labs and I think performed very strongly as a medical student today . And now as I sit to write this , and I think about the fact that I 'm not going to see that little beast trying to steal my supper anymore or sneaking up behind me to ' preen ' ( pull out ) my hair , I 'm finally letting the tears fall , because now I can . Now I 'm me , not the doctor - in - training , and I have space to let myself feel the grief for the loss of my feathered friend . Today I realized that I finally can pull down that barrier when I need to , far more effectively than I have in the past . I can shut it down and shelve my personal life and get the job done , and when I leave I can still feel , I can still process . I can hit pause on the processing I need to do , and I think that 's a very important skill to have developed . But now it 's time for bed , and then in the morning I 'll wake up to a slightly quieter and less colourful house . Posted by I have been unwell lately . Sufficiently so that I 've been on medical leave for almost two weeks and won 't be back at school until next week . I 've been away from my blog too because I 'm just trying to focus on feeling better . It 's not been a great time , honestly . On the plus side , the knee I injured early in my last rotation is actually feeling better since it has actually had time to heal and I 've had lots of time to read . I 've also had time to actually see my doctor about some ongoing issues and stuff is actually getting addressed , which is good . Needing to be off on medical leave unexpectedly is certainly never a good thing , but it has allowed me time to recover that I did very much need , so there 's that . I 'll be starting back right at the start of my emergency medicine elective and I 'm quite looking forward to it . While I don 't think it 's the field for me , it does have incredibly important skills ( this is true of all rotations , I suppose ) that I 'm looking forward to learning . Emergency management is part of what OBs do so that 's pretty important to get to know . Plus I 'll be rotating with some absolutely awesome classmates , so there 's that . In three weeks , my older two kids are going to be heading off to the Island for the month of July and half of August . I 'll be heading down to join them in late July for an elective . We 've worked out a fairly decent approach to the trip this time . My parents are going to be flying here , picking up our SUV and the kids ( + / - the dog ) and driving back . They get to use the SUV the whole month of July , and it 's much , much better to drive for 17 hours in a comfortable Highlander than in their little Nissan . This means that when I go home for my elective , I can fly which saves me doing the drive by myself again . My husband will be flying down to join us during the second week of my elective , and then we 'll all drive back together . Works out . It 's a working " vacation " for me , essentially , but I think it 's very important to have as much interaction with the Island medical system as I can . It 's important for deciding whether I can reasonably go back . While I 'm there , I plan to ask to meet with the OB department to discuss the possibility of being a family doctor who does deliveries vs the likelihood of being able to return home to practice if I pursue OB . We 'll see , anyway . I 'm just looking forward to getting home at all . The Island in the summer is a magical place and I miss it desperately . Posted by I forgot I was at home earlier , and went to reach for my call room key in my purse . It 's been a long few days and I 'm really tired . Right now Im trying to get a ton of paperwork stuff done because that 's life . My husband is going to be returning to work part time next month when his parental leave is up , and then full time in July . Our older two kids are going to be going to spend much of the summer with their grandparents , so conveniently we 'll actually be down to just one kid for all of July , then we 're back home for two weeks ( vacation for my family , elective for me . ) We 've decided to do this as a means of limiting our overall debt . Our original projections took into account that I 'd be applying to the sponsorship program and while it was obviously never a guarantee that I would be accepted for it , I 'm pretty sure at this point I won 't be applying to it because I still very much want to go for OB / Gyn . Well , usually . I find on post - call days , particularly when I haven 't had any sleep , I lean pretty heavily towards just going for family med because it 's a specialty that allows for much more sleep and a better lifestyle , and at the moment , that is incredibly appealing . But it 's kind of like that whole " don 't shop hungry " idea . Don 't make career - modifying decisions whilst exhausted . Family med has a lot of customization , it really does . You can tailor your practice in many ways , but it is still primarily a medical specialty with some occasional procedures and maybe , maaaaybe some surgical assisting . I want more than that , and I know that if I 'm going to have the stronger emphasis on procedures and surgery , I need to go for OB . But ugh , sleep . Sleep is nice . Being home for supper with my family is also nice . Yet . . . surgery . There 's the rub , and that 's why I 've been going around and around and around . Which is making me even more tired , so I 'm going to go to bed now and stop thinking about it until tomorrow . Unrelated to anything : my cat looks like he has a side quest for me . Posted by The title of this post is a medical phenomenon . Patients with dementia or delirium sometimes go through something called " sundowning . " Towards the end of the day , they begin to get more confused , more agitated . Sometimes combattive . It 's quite the challenging phenomenon to deal with , and it is hard for the patients . I wrote most of this post late yesterday , when I had retreated back to my call room after a consult . The anticipation of the pager 's shrill beep was keeping me awake during that precious potential sleeping time , and my mind would not shut off . I was agitated . I was frustrated . And I was so tired . Usually , I find sundown to bring a lot of peace . The transition times of day - as I watch the sun fall off the edge of the horizon and as the earth rotates to reveal it once again - have always been my favourites . I 'm someone who finds strength in quiet . Years ago , I started making a habit of going outside at the break of dawn with a cup of tea , sometimes a cat , and breathing in the fresh , clean morning air . I don 't think that 's likely in this city , but as I wrote the bulk of this post last night , I made plans to find a quiet corner high in the hospital to enjoy a coffee and watch the sun rise over the city . That didn 't happen , as I slept through my alarm and was late to handover , but I intended to find my way to the hall outside the teaching room , where large windows look east . That meant first getting through the night . Overnight , the hospital halls are hushed and still in a way that is so at odds with how people usually see them . I remember from the parts of my childhood spent in the hospital that it reminded me of an empty church . It still does . My father is a minister and so growing up I spent a lot of time in empty chapels ; walking between the pews , hearing my footsteps echo off the angled ceiling . I was allowed places parishioners often were not . After the service , I 'd get to drink the leftover communion grape juice from tiny glasses . I 'd play with the organ . Knowing the church in emptiness felt like being in on a grand secret . Most churchgoers only ever see the chapel at its height , teeming with life or celebration or clouded by tears and grief . Most patients experience much the same of the hospital ; they have visited sick family members , they have grieved in the halls , they have perhaps celebrated new life in the one ward for functioning organs . But they have not known it in the stillness , even when they have stayed . Like the chapels of my youth , walking quiet corridors deep in the night feels like a privilege ; a trip down the fairy way into a different world . There is a certain smell and a particular acoWhen that was done , I made the pilgrimage back to my room , and listened to the silence , in search of peace , awaiting sunrise . The juniors residence is visible in this photo . As is Miss M , who made my morning much brighter . . I 'm not doing terribly well right now . I can 't focus on a damn thing . I 'm reading sentences multiple times and still not retaining sufficiently so I 'm spending hours and hours and hours pounding away at my study materials and I 'm getting nowhere and I can 't recall things which I absolutely do know . It 's very frustrating . There 's actually a physical reason for this - going through workup , but basically right now I 'd be a great OSCE station and the labs and imaging are more to confirm what 's already pretty obvious - so I know I 'll be doing a whole lot better once I get that side of things worked out . It 's actually probably why I 've been so flat out exhausted for months . But that doesn 't make it any easier to cope with the fatigue and brain fog in the meantime . This is all very difficult because I normally have extremely high retention for what I study and I 've never had to brute force study like this , but my mind is so foggy right now that I 'm actually having a hard time with basic day to day tasks . This is much worse than the third trimester ' baby brain ' and I felt like an idiot with that . It also doesn 't help that while I 'm dealing with absolutely soul - crushing fatigue , I 'm about to start a 26 day stretch of work ( three weekends in a row ) with 7 call shifts in there , so I kind of want to curl up and cry . Post - call days are still work days . I don 't leave until 10am post - call , which means I 've worked ten hours on that day . So yeah , I still count post - call days as work days . My next day off is June 17th - the second last day of this rotation - and I 've spent this entire weekend studying so I basically haven 't had it ' off . ' Honestly I 'm having a hard time finding any time for self - care . Okay , I 'm not just having a hard time , I have had precisely no self - care time at all . I 've barely seen my kids this rotation so I feel like if I 'm not studying I should be with them , or taking some of the load off my husband , but I 'm minimally functional right now right now and am saving all the energy I can for work . I 'm sure it 's pretty evident by my posts lately that my mood is in my boots . I 've basically spent all of today holed up in my office trying to study and failing miserably because I can 't remember anything , so I 've spent the last two hours starting at this stupid SIMPLE ( online training ) case feeling like the biggest idiot in the world because I just can 't remember anything . And I 'll feel like more of an idiot when I can 't answer at the drop of a hat what the mechanism is for whatever drug that I read about six months ago and have never seen used clinically . I 've tried to write a post about this a few times , and have failed . I 'm not even sure I 'm going to post this one because I 've been doing a lot of complaining lately , and this is what I signed up for so I really shouldn 't . I 'd be lying if I said the thought of just leaving med school hasn 't crossed my mind . I wouldn 't , I never will , but damn it 's tempting right now to just say ' screw it ' and walk away from this and not feel stupid anymore and have to work 10 - 16 hours a day for a almost a month straight . I 'm trying to be positive . It 's only four more weeks . It 's only four more weeks . I will come out the other side of this with much better essential skills and knowledge . This is a critically important formative experience for my future as a physician . This will make me stronger . I know it will . I just have to get through it . A month is nothing in the long run . I am a very anxious person , always have been . I tend to get stuck on seeing the worst that can happen and occasionally I 'm paralyzed by that anxiety - this has been particularly bad during my current rotation where , during my day - to - day clinical activities , I 'm freezing on what to do . The funny thing is , though , that in an emergency I 'm actually very calm , collected , and I 'm comfortable taking control of a situation if it is appropriate for me to do so . I 've gone through first aid training a number of times , and I think that helps , since I 've been this way well before I started medical school . Today my youngest - she 'll be 7 months on Tuesday , which is incredibly hard to believe - was having some eggs and started to gag . Then she stopped gagging and just moved her mouth a few times while looking at me . I whipped her out of the high chair , cleared her mouth , inclined her downward over my arm with her mouth open and delivered five hard back blows . She started crying , but it was soft , so I did it again since I felt she might be partially obstructed . She brought something up in her mouth and was none too happy but seemed okay . I took a listen to her lungs , and all fields seem clear and I don 't think we need to take her to emerg . I 'm studying ( well , I 'm on a scheduled 10 minute study break right now ) so my husband is watching her carefully and if she seems off at all , we 'll bring her in . Thing is , I didn 't even think about it . Even with relatively little experience - I 've only had to do this once before and it was nearly ten years ago - I still just shifted into the problem - solving algorithms I was taught . I didn 't panic , I just got to work . It 's funny how I can be someone who panics at the sight of a bee but when faced with a scary situation , I 'm fine . I 'm so anxious about my kids getting hurt but when it comes down to the line , I don 't feel a second 's guilt about hitting my infant hard on the back to clear her airway . At my stage of training , within the hospital the vast majority of the time my role during a code is " stay the hell out of the way until told to do something " and then probably doing compressions because apparently med students are the muscle during codes at this site . But outside of learning situatons , I have had to manage emergencies / urgencies - babies choking , person passing out in front of me , witnessing an assault , kid having a seizure , amongst others - and I 've been totally fine . Assess the situation . Call for help . Give individual people single instructions . Get to work . This Mother 's Day , I 'm grateful for the fact that I have skills which help me keep my kids safe . I 'm grateful for the fact that my husband does too ; that in an emergency , I know he will be equally quick to put his first aid training to use . I 'm reminded that my job as a mother - like my job as a soon to be physician - is one not only of guidance but of protection , and sometimes you 've got to hurt to help and anxiety be damned , I 've got a job to do . If you are someone who cares for young children , please make sure you have first aid training and ensure you have taken infant CPR so that if you are faced with something like today , you will also be comfortable knowing what to do . Posted by Well , there 's no ' probably ' about it . Basically , my anxiety got the best of me and I froze up at every possible opportunity to demonstrate any sort of skill . I stammered a lot . My presentations were awful . I just , overall , completely sucked as a clerk and basically made more work for everyone . The way the CTU schedule is , we really have about 3 - 5 hours a day of clinical time . The rest is spent in teaching or meeting with our team ( new patient rounds in the morning , running the list throughout the day , or handover . ) I lose about an hour of that because I need to pump . My pumping room ( a call room ) is in the juniors residence which is on the first floor in a different wing , far away from where I 'm usually working . I 'm down to two pumping sessions a day , but still , adding in time to get there and back , plus pumping time , plus time to wash my stuff , and I lose over an hour of that clinical time , and I can 't run off during other activities . So between my absurd level of sleep deprivation , my sky - high anxiety about doing poorly on this rotation , and the fact that the issue I 've been trying to see my doctor for since February is getting worse , I 'm basically a stressball at the moment . I 'm that harried , slightly crazed - looking med student who is muttering to herself and stumbling over words while presenting . In short , an absolute mess . This is burnout . I 'm actually a very strong student with a very solid knowledgebase . There is absolutely no reason my reflex should be to say " I don 't know " about things I 'm 95 % sure of , but I still do that because my anxiety gets the best of me . I 'm also in too much pain to bother putting in the effort some days . Looking up the ridiculous name of an obscure trial so that I know the answer to some trivia question the next morning is really not high on my priority list . Absolutely I need to keep up on medical research and I need to be critical of evidence and stay on top of guidelines and why they are the way they are . . . but that 's supplementary to , not in place of , what I need to work on rKay So day one of CTU and I 'm basically deer - in - headlights level terrified , feel completely out of my depth , and feel like all of my classmates - many of whom have done CTU electives and so actually have some idea of what we 're supposed to be doing - are way , way better off than I am right now . I need a ton of study time because I basically need to review the entirety of the last nearly two years because I feel like nothing at all has stuck in my mind . Study time is one thing I don 't have . We got our tutorial topics for tomorrow at nearly 8pm . I 've been studying , but just do not feel like I 've even begun to appropriately cover anything adequately for tomorrow , and I 'm on call tomorrow . Time management has always been my forte . I 'm good at getting stuff done , at prioritizing , but I have no idea how I 'm going to make enough study time on this rotation . When I 'm there during the day , I don 't have time for anything . I 've already cut down my pumping to 2 sessions a day , but that still means I 'm losing about 45 minutes in that 9 hour day where I could be doing clinical stuff , so I have to get the same amount of work done in less time ( 3 - 4 hours of that 9 is meeting / running the list / teaching ) which means I need to be even more efficient than my peers . I 'm finding it rather hard to be optimistic about the next six weeks . This is an absolutely critical rotation to my development as a future physician . Much of the information I already know , I just have to work on my confidence in putting together a plan . It 's not that I have massive knowledge deficits - not as huge as I feel like they are anyway - but it 's just a matter of putting things together in a coherent and structured manner , and learning the ins and outs of how this unit works . Today , I 'm feeling very , very student - y . Unprepared , unknowledgeable , and almost paralyzed with anxiety about screwing up . I know I 'll get over that feeling , and I 'll figure out how to make my studying time work because I always do , but in the meantime , I 'm going to just have to remember to brePosted by Then on Friday I was in the OR all day and realized one very important thing : I really like the OR . I got my first inkling of this last year with my IR elective when I learned I like procedures a lot more than I thought I would and my enjoyment has been confirmed repeatedly since . Friday was my last OR day until late August and that made me very sad . My next rotation is internal medicine , then emerg , then I have family and emerg electives before my surgery core ( 4 weeks general , 2 weeks gynae onc . ) For my next core , I have to dress up every day . No scrubs . No sneakers . No silly hats and victory laps down the OR racetrack towards PACU . May eleventh is exactly 1 year from the final day of our program . Graduation will be a couple weeks later , but I really finish med school 1 year from Thursday . In that final year , I have 3 weeks off for CaRMS interviews , 2 weeks winter break , and six weeks of concept integration . It doesn 't feel like very much at all , but it 's even less when I consider that I 've really got six months to decide what I 'm going to do for sure because CaRMS is rushing towards us at lightning speed . This year 's somewhat depressing match statistics - 77 OB spots for 113 applicants listing it as first choice - have been released and that 's it . Next year , one of those data points will be me . The 2017s are done clerkship ; we 're not seeing them around the hospital anymore because they 're doing concept integration . Well , they were . I think they are done now , and just finishing their preparation to write their LMCCs . They graduate on the 25th and then we 're the senior medical students . I really need to have my future figured out pretty soon . The end of medical school is approaching rapidly ( I 'm sure I 'll feel differently around 2am on Wednesday when I still have 6 hours to go before I can leave ) and I just feel like I can 't decide . When you compare the first two years of , as an example , Mac 's OB residency and the first two years of the family med program back home around half of the rotations are the same . The big difference is that 9 blocks ( 36 weeks ) of the FM residency is community FM , so you 're working generally better hours than OB residents for 8 months . Realistically , a family med residency isn 't going to be * that * much easier over the course of those two years . And the last half of an OB / Gyn residency is less school than it is practice with eventually irrelevant training wheels and lower CMPA premiums . It would be lovely if the answer to my indecision would just fall out of the sky . Posted by So from my accumulated wisdom from the last four months of clerkship , I 've learned a handful of things I wish to share . 1 . Carry at least two ( functioning ! ) pens and a piece of scrap paper at all times . 2 . Watch what your staff does so you can learn how they do things - ESPECIALLY surgeons . You may get looked at like you have two heads for doing something the way you were taught by another staff . Don 't take it personally . 3 . Don 't take anything personally . 4 . If someone ' corrects ' you , even though you are doing something exactly the way you were instructed to do it 24h before , just go with it . Don 't argue . Related : if you 're told you contaminated yourself and you 're 100 % positive you didn 't , still don 't argue . Get a sleeve / new glove / new gown anyway . 5 . Thank people for teaching you . Not everyone will try . 6 . If you need paperwork filled out , let your supervising staff / resident know early on in the day . 7 . Get to know the nurses and other allied health . They almost certainly know more than you do about what you should be doing especially if you 're brand new on a service . 8 . Waterproof shoes . 9 . If you feel lightheaded in the OR - and it happens to lots of people ! - let the surgeon / resident know , hand off your tools / retractor and step away and sit immediately . Don 't try to fight it . Don 't risk passing out in the field . For one , it 's not good for the patient . Two , no one likes it if the med student creating a mess of paperwork . ( I have not passed out , but I nearly did . ) 10 . If your staff or resident tells you to go eat , rest , or grab a coffee , do so . As in immediately . Don 't wait around , don 't ask if they 're sure . Run for the call room / break room / washroom as fast as your little legs will carry you . 11 . If you 're asked if you 'd like to go home early , the answer is yes . Posted by 1 . I love obstetrics and gynaecology . A lot . 2 . I have concerns about the physical toll of an OB / Gyn residency on me and the stress it will place on my family . 3 . I will likely not be able to return home for a long time if I do OB / Gyn . 5 . We all really want to go home . So I 'm looking into the possibility of being a women 's health - focused family physician who does low - risk obstetrics including deliveries . As far as I 'm aware , there 's really only one family doctor on the Island who does deliveries routinely , but I know in Ontario there are multiple family doctor groups that do low - risk obstetrics and women 's health . There is at least one physician on the Island whose practice is primarily women 's health , and there 's another I 'm aware of who receives referrals from other family physicians because she does things like IUD insertions and pessary management . They 're also establishing a women 's health centre out of one of the hospitals , and last I heard they 've been looking for someone who will work there . I think I 'd be satisfied with not having gynae surgery as a part of my practice if I were still able to do obstetrics and women 's health as the majority of my practice . In Ontario , I know it 's entirely possible to do that . I don 't know about how achievable that is back home , but if it can happen , I want to make it happen . It would be the best of both worlds if I could manage pregnant patients through pregnancy , parturition , and postpartum , see their babies for well - baby checks at the same time as postpartum checks , see them for breastfeeding concerns , do contraceptive counselling and IUD insertions , STI screening and management , do initial nonsurgical management of gynae issues like endometriosis , prolapse , and PCOS . Do low - risk OB , primary care gynae , some paeds . None of that is outside the scope of a family doctor . Most family doctors don 't do deliveries nowadays , but it 's more a practical consideration - you basically always have to be on call to manage your own patients ' deliveries - but that 's manageable if it 's done as a call group , and I know for a fact that there are family doctors who do that . I figure , if a family doctor can do primarily emerg , or hospitalist , or geriatrics , or palliative , why can 't I do women 's and infants health ? I love OB / Gyn , but if I could be something between a family doctor and an OB / Gyn , I 'll dive in with both feet . I think I 'm going to call the offices of the doctors back home who I know do more women 's health - oriented practice and see if I can speak with them , and I think I might try to change my family med elective this summer to be with a women 's health focused family doc . Thinking on this , it 's actually feeling like this might be a workable solution , and might be a good way to shape my career the way I want it to be , combine all areas I enjoy , and provide a desperately needed service to my home province . It would also mean we could go home , potentially as early as next year if I match to that family med program . That is incredibly tempting . I 'd have to leave for a year ( possibly ) to do a women 's health fellowship , but there 's also the possibility I could do that in the maritimes , so I could potentially just be gone during the week . My husband made chili and homemade biscuits for supper . This has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of my post , but I just wanted to document somewhere that he actually made biscuits using my family recipe , and did an amazing job . He keeps saying he can 't bake , but he keeps proving himself wrong . Anyway , to medicine . This is not what I would call a challenge , given my tendency to reflect at length about absolutely everything ( incidentally this is public post number 1060 . I have 142 in draft . ) The question was which topic to pick of the many I identified whilst there . Eventually I settled on something that might quirk a few eyebrows , but I think provides very strong material for reflection . Only problem is that I 've written three pages and have to trim it down . Damn my prolix nature . Next up is ortho , which feels like it is going to be rather intimidating . Ortho is not my natural milieu , and I had a baby three days after the end of that unit so most of what we did has gone completely out of my head . This is a bit of a problem with all these two week rotations . I just do not have enough time to learn and actually absorb information before I 'm onto the next one , and I have no time in each of the rotations to really absorb and apply the information . My exam for ortho is ten days into the rotation . I 'd planned to spend this weekend studying intensely , but between my husband being at Cub camp with our son yesterday , spending the evening in emerg with the wee one for x - rays ( she 's fine ! Just very sore after her big sister tried too enthusiastically to get her to roll over again and accidentally twisted her backwards onto her arm . She can 't move it very well , but it 's not broken ) and feeling just awful today , I 've not gotten as much studying done as I 'd like and I feel like I 'm going to show up and be a huge idiot tomorrow . It 's nice to rotate through a bunch of services and all , but by the time I 've learned how things are done on one unit , I 'm moving onto another . I have three days left on this rotation - I 've only done 6 because of the holiday weekend - and I 'm just now getting to the point I feel like I 'm able to comfortably do actual work that contributes to the team instead of primarily learning through observation or needing to be babysat through my work . This is also just a really , really awful week for me right now . M is not sleeping at night and while I try to trade off with my husband so that at least one of us ends up well - rested , many nights neither of us is getting much sleep . I 'm averaging probably 4 - 5 hours a night for the last 2 - 3 weeks , and that 's really not an exaggeration . I can usually manage fine on that for a couple of weeks , but I am reaching the point of exhaustion saturation and I desperately need a reset . I also have pretty much no downtime at all . I come home from work at 5 - ish . Hang out with the kids , maybe catch up a bit on Facebook while my kids do their homework or use their screen time allowance , eat supper , play with the baby a bit while my husband gets the older kids to bed , and then I study until around 11pm , get ready for bed and lay out my stuff for the next day , then crawl into bed around midnight . Often the baby wakes up right around then , so I nurse her back to sleep ( I 'd have to pump if I didn 't ) and then get her settled right around then . Then I get up around 5 : 30 - 6am , shower and dress and get to work for 7 - ish . Weekends are spent with my family , evenings once kids are in bed are spent studying . I am almost never alone . Usually I 'm nursing while I study , or I 'm attempting to spend time with my husband - well , at least in proximity to my husband if not actually interacting with him - or I 'm with the kids . This weekend I took two hours - during the day when the kids were awake , at that - and went and played video games in the bedroom . All by myself for two hours straight . And I realized that was actually the longest stretch of time I had spent alone not doing something either for school or my family since I got back from Ottawa almost two months ago . My exhaustion is coming across in my functioning at work ( school , whatever . ) I 'm not performing at the level of which I am capable because I am so tired . I think this weekend I 'm going to just shut myself up in my office for one day and just do nothing . Posted by I had my pre - CaRMS career counselling session last week and it went fairlywell . The counsellor said he 's confident I could match to OB if I choose to go that route , but said he understands my concerns . My problem is pretty clear and I explained it to him : the career path I want is not really the best career path for me to take for my family 's sake . When I 've asked some staff about it , I 've gotten very encouraging and positive advice about pursuing what I love and the fact that residency is working as a doctor even though you 're still a trainee . It 's all reassuring and all but the fact of the matter is that most of them did not have school - aged children when they started residency . Several I spoke to did start their families during residency , but that 's very different . As much as it sucks to be super busy during your child 's earliest years , the reality is that they probably won 't remember it very much if at all . My kids are old enough that a long residency is going to happen during a very significant part of their most formative years . When they are adults they will remember me being in residency and I cant help but worry that they will look back on those years with sadness . I realize an OB / gyn residency is ' only ' five years compared to the 25 - 35 year career I 'll have afterwards , but my kids have their entire adult lives to come and I don 't want to negatively impact that . My kids will be 16 , 12 , and 6 by the time I finish a 5 year residency . I 've been in school since my oldest was 5 , my second wasn 't yet two , and my youngest was still an arrested primary oocyte . It is extraordinarily tempting to choose the relatively easier path ( no path in medicine is easy , but some are shorter ) and go for family medicine , apply for a sponsorship so I graduate with less debt , move home next year when I graduate , and finish my training back on the Island . Then start in family practice , work a relatively normal working lifestyle , get to know my patients extremely well , be there through the trials and triumphs of their lives . See my youngest patients grow up and then care for their children . Leave clinic at 4 : 30 or 5 and spend every evening and weekend with my family . But I would have to give up managing deliveries ( family doctors don 't really do deliveries back home , ) and scrubs and my ugly - as - sin waterproof clogs - that I totally love because they 're so comfortable - and surgery . I wouldn 't be walking the halls , room to room , ushering babies into the world and women into motherhood . I wouldn 't be in the operating room doing that somewhat ridiculous but eminently ritualistic dance to close my gown . As much as it surprised me to learn it , I fell in love with surgery and the thought of spending the rest of my career without seeing the inside of an OR on a regular basis is more than a little disheartening . I think I could be happy in family med , in that it 's a good job and it is medicine so I can be there to help people with their health . Family doctors are extremely important for tying everything together for patients , for being a first and major point of contact for the rest of the health system . If I match to family , I won 't be depressed about it or anything . But if I pursue family exclusively , I wonder if in those quiet moments after the patients are gone for the day , when I sit back in my office with a tea and a digital stack of lab results to review , will I look back wistfully at the choice I didn 't make , or will I be satisfied with the one I did ? I 've given myself until the end of June to decide . Posted by I 've been spending much of this weekend studying . Well , trying to . Also trying to find time for my family . My integration of concepts is simply not where I want it to be , and I really need to go back to basics in some areas . This means lots of reviewing to make sure I don 't hesitate and doubt myself constantly when asked something . I did get feedback during my anaesthesia core that I need to work on my confidence . This is something I really struggle with . Im always pretty sure that everyone around me is completely annoyed by my presence and that the best thing I can do is shut up and get out of the way . I feel the need to apologize for my presence , for the space I take up . While I realize this sounds irrational , this is what social anxiety does . It sucks . I realize it 's not normal , but at the same time , I 've spent most of my adult life trying to fix this and haven 't managed to yet . It 's quite frustrating . But the preceptor I had on Wednesday night was right ; I need to find confidence . Or if I 'm not able to actually have some , fake it . " You have to show confidence , " she said . " You 're the doctor now . " The lack of confidence is sometimes paralyzing . I have all this knowledge in my head but when a preceptor ( or a peer ) asks me a question to assess my knowledge , I stumble and doubt and sometimes end up saying the opposite of what I mean and I make an idiot of myself even when the question is something I know extremely well . It 's not a problem with patients , funny enough , and I have no problem at least faking confidence when I 'm with patients , but with preceptors and sometimes peers , I 'm so self - conscious it 's painful . I 'm also still very much finding my feet in clinical medicine . I find it very jarring to move from staff to staff , to never know how they want things done , to do something on Tuesday that I was told to do on Monday and have my knuckles rapped over it . I understand it 's the nature of the training , but it 's really aggravating to feel like you 're constantly wrongfooted and useless . It 's a matter of getting comfortable with it all , I know . I 'm doing stuff now that I simply do not know as well as OB / Gyn and I have to do better with accepting that I won 't and can 't be as strong in everything as I was in my favourite discipline . I need to be okay with ' okay . ' Might take me a while to get there . In the meantime , here are my girls being cute . M is pretty much in a constant state of happy flailing so it 's hard to get photos where her limbs aren 't blurry . Posted by Med school , like med life , comes with a lot of paperwork . Fortunately , the school is nice and organized and reminds us with plenty of time . Also fortunately , I can submit my prenatal blood work from last year which will cover a bunch of the new requirements . It 's quite possibly the first time having had a baby during med school has saved me time . I 've ordered my vulnerable sector check ( which can be done online , yay ! ) and so all I have to do is do my TB testing since I think I 'm considered as having exposures now because I 've had clinical placements in hospitals with more than 200 beds . My current placement is going middling to well . I 'm not at all a natural with anaesthesia and feel very wrong - footed a lot of the time because I 'm not confident in my knowledge , but I need to develop that . The way the rotation goes is that we work one on one with a different staff anaesthesiologist every day . Unfortunately it doesn 't give them long to get to know us , so if you have a bit of a weak day , which everyone does now and then , you don 't have the opportunity to improve on your performance for that preceptor . It also means you 're in a constant state of unsteadiness because different staff want things done differently . Basically , no matter how you do something , there 's a pretty good chance you 're not doing it to the preference of your staff . Not that it 's necessarily wrong , but that it 's not how they want it done . It 's a bit tedious to learn each person 's preferences each day , but I can understand that everyone has their own way of doing things . It would be nice to have a single preceptor for this rotation , though , and I think that 's likely the feedback I 'll give at the end of it . You just don 't have enough time with any one staff physician to get to know how they do things , and they don 't have enough time with you to get to really assess your abilities . After this I 'm off to ICU for two weeks , then orthopaedics . ICU feels more than a bit intimidating and I feel like I 'd feel more comfortable with it if I were doing it after my medicine rotation . Ortho looks quite interesting - I 've been on the other side of the drape for several ortho surgeries - and it 'll be nice to have a better view for those cases . My bird is still alive . After my last post , he took a turn for the worst and we were pretty positive he was going to die . He couldn 't hold himself up well . He was shaking . We kept him on a heating pad , under his basking lamp all night , on the couch with us . We figured the best we could do is ensure he wouldn 't die alone , in a cage . He survived , and that morning I noticed something thanks to my experience with birds which lead to us getting a med that has turned things around . So thanks to a lot of intensive care - tube feeds , crop washouts , IM meds at home - he 's still alive and is actually improving . He 's on six different medications , but he 's doing surprisingly well . A week ago he was so emaciated you could have cut paper with his keel bone , but in the last few days he 's gained back over 15 % of his lowest body weight and he 's got his attitude back ( which includes taking swipes at me . ) Birds with this disease never live their normal lifespan , but a rare few have survived a few years with it , so there 's some hope we may be able to manage this long term . There 's my update on the fluffy roseate dinosaur . The aforementioned fluffy roseate dinosaur , at the vet 's office . He climbed up onto my shoulder which just does NOT happen . Now , to medicine . I 've now finished my last OB / Gyn elective and have wrapped up three straight months of OB / Gyn ( which for the rest of this post I will shorten to just OB . ) I figured this stretch would decide for me once and for all whether I want to apply to OB . Well , I definitely love OB . All of it . I think I can handle the lifestyle too . I am not positive I can handle assisting in vaginal surgery . Specifically assisting ; I think I could handle being the primary just fine , because then you 're seated or standing straight . But assisting in vaginal surgery means being stooped over , half under the patient 's leg , twisted sideways , with your arms outstretched , retracting without moving for hours at a time . Spending 7 + hours in one day in a position that seems especially designed to be excruciating Kay I 've been baking this weekend . Probably not the best past time , but enjoyable nonetheless and quite honestly I 'm baking to feel like I can do something useful . We have our cockatoo home now , but he 's dying . We 're basically doing palliative care and waiting for him to die . There is a small , vanishingly small , possibility his illness may remit for months to years , but it 's highly unlikely with him as sick as he is currently . He does not seem in pain at all or we would have him euthanized . He 's enjoying eating his favourite foods , and spending time under his heat lamp and snuggling up to us . He 's very sick , but essentially on a slow downhill trajectory . If he goes downhill fast or seems to be in pain , we 'll call our vet to come to the house to euthanize him . As it is now , we 're just trying to let him enjoy the rest of his time with us . My kids are learning some important lessons through helping take care of Gallifrey . We 're coping with some big emotions , as we 'd expect . I wish I could make this better . If he were human , there would be options . The virus would be better understood . The treatment options would be better than " we think this might help , so that 's what we 're doing . " This illness - formerly known as macaw wasting disease , then PDD , then ABV , and now avian bornavirus ganglioneuritis - has been around as long as I 've had birds . The virus is everywhere . Almost every flock will have a bird or two who carries the virus asymptomatically . It 's somewhere around 25 - 40 % of pet birds who have the virus . Whether it will progress to a clinical syndrome , as it has done in my bird , is unpredictable . This is the most likely time of year for it , because they 're entering breeding season and the hormonal activity is stressful . I 've been poring through what little literature I can find to see if there 's anything else we can do , but he 's already on the generally accepted treatment regimen that , in some birds , helps them live for years longer . It 's pretty obvious he 's not going to live for years more at this point . He 's hanginPosted by And just like that , I 'm thirty . It has not been the most festive of birthdays . For two reasons . The first is that a friend 's husband died on Monday . It was one of those extremely sad cases of stage four cancer out of nowhere followed by a rapid decline over a handful of weeks . A group of friends are all trying to support her ; I absolutely cannot imagine what she is going through . They 'd just had a baby a few months ago and so it 's just an absolute mess and I 'm feeling very sad for her and can 't help but spend some time having a bit of a deep think about life . Beyond that , my cockatoo is very ill and is probably going to die . He 's been at the vet since Sunday . We went to see him this evening and he 's very , very ill - looking . It was quite sad to see him so poorly . He perked up and said " hi ! " when the tech brought him in to see us , and we spent some time with him . This is the hard part about pets . Even when you take very good care of them , things happen . With birds in particular , there is often very little you can do . Last year , when we tried to save our cat , there was at least an aggressive course of action we could have tried to see if we could save her . With a parrot , there 's little research on treatments so you just kind of have to hope that what you try will work . I 've kept birds for twenty years and I have often not had access to an avian vet so I 've had to learn some avian medicine and I can comfortably manage some stuff , but I 'm very glad to have an actual avian vet guiding us now . It 's just very hard to see him so sick , and to know it 's probably not going to get better . My son dearly loves this bird - as do we all , but he 's very close to him and few other beings - and I know losing him will be hard . So this has not been the best week . The fact that it 's only Wednesday is not very reassuring . This will be a good week to see the back of . Posted by This is the longest I 've gone between posts in a while . The reason why is that I honestly just got really sick because of my stubbornness . It took me 14 hours to drive home from Ottawa - a five hour drive - because I kept having to stop to sleep . I had strep throat ( lab confirmed ) which essentially knocked me off my arse . I ended up with a fever on and off for five days , though basically medicated myself into some semblance of functionality for the bulk of it and since then I 've essentially been asleep any time I 've not been at work . I come home at the end of the day , get my stuff ready for the next day , and go to sleep . In the last week and a half , I 've spent almost no time with my kids , have let the ball drop on several commitments , have let pretty much every single thing in my life fall apart , and I 'm still outright bloody exhausted . Clearly , I need time to recover that I simply don 't have . It is taking absolutely everything I have to be at my best while at work and I have nothing left by the end of the day . It 's a damn good thing I don 't have call right now because that would just be a mess . My current elective isn 't even that physically demanding . I 'm walking around most of the day , but that 's hardly taxing . I 'm at a fabulous clinic with some absolutely amazing staff , and some really wonderful residents I 'd already come across . It 's honestly a really good experience and I am very much enjoying it and am learning a whole lot . I just wish I wasn 't so tired . This is honestly making me wonder if I have what it takes for a surgical residency . I am so exhausted from a stupid strep infection because I didn 't have enough recovery time . How will I manage being sick during residency ? What if I have an asthma exacerbation and end up in emerg because I can 't breathe , or there 's a flu outbreak ? Maybe OB / Gyn is a better option because I 'll mostly be working with otherwise healthy patients ? I don 't know . I 'm too tired to think very rationally right now . I am planning to see my doctor about my currently disproportionate levKay
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Here are the questions to this week 's Wednesday Hodgepodge . You know the drill ( if you don 't click the HP link on my sidebar ) . . . come back tomorrow and share your answers with fellow internets . Everyone 's welcome to join the party ! 1 . It 's that most wonderful time of the year . . . tax season ! Do you complete your own returns or farm that job out to the professionals ? 2 . This next question comes from Kansas Bob . . . he posed it in his response to something I asked in an earlier Wednesday post and I asked him if I could add it to the Hodgepodge some day . Today 's the day . . . . Which do you think has changed you more - love or pain ? 3 . Tangerine Tango has been named color of the year for 2012 . Your thoughts ? Would I find this color anywhere in your house ? How about in your closet ? If not , will you be adding this color to your life in some way in 2012 ? If you 're not sure what tangerine tango looks like click here . 4 . Are you a collector ? What do you collect and does it get admired , used , and / or dusted regularly ? 5 . February is National Heart Month . . . besides a green salad what is one tasty heart healthy dish you like to prepare ? 6 . When was the last time you had car trouble ? 7 . Have you been more demanding on yourself lately or less ? Is that a good trend ? 8 . Insert your own random thought here . Posted by As you may have noticed , my hubs has been doing a lot of traveling recently . Big trips . Long trips . In fact he has been away three out of four weeks this month . Missed two full weekends at home . Yes , technically he can make up those ' lost weekends ' sometime during the year but let 's be honest . . . he probably won 't . Oh maybe a day or two but he has vacation to use plus , when you 're away from your office for two weeks you kinda need to get back to the office . Which is where he is this week . yay ! Although hubs has traveled for work all of our married life this month has been way more than the norm . While its exhausting on many levels he enjoys interacting with people in countries around the world and handles all the coming and going better than most . It sounds exotic to some people and often times I guess it is . Here 's a dinner he had last week in Mexico City - Those are grasshoppers on that taco . Mmmm ? All this to say that in spite of his around the world travels , at heart he 's still a Tennessee boy who likes nothing better than a walk in the woods with his best girl and his dog . We don 't live far from a stretch of the Appalachian Trail and we 've been wanting to hike the bit that 's nearby . When we lived in NJ 20 years ago we used to take our little girls to the trail . Are they just too adorable or what ? ! Course we never got too far because somebody always conked out en route to the top , but we tried . Sigh . Back to present day . . . it was cool yesterday but also bright and sunny so we took advantage of that and hit the trail . As we were pulling out of our driveway we saw these vultures on our neighbors rock . I know they 're part of that whole circle of life thing but I gotta say I 'm not a fan . I was hoping their presence wasn 't some kind of omen . Who thinks I 've watched The Jungle Book a few too many times ? To access the wooded portion of the trail you first have to cross a large open field . As we started across we heard gunfire and decided we should see where it was coming from . Wouldn 't want to accidentally be mistaken for a dJoyce The questions on my blog yesterday sparked this memory . The Hodgepodge is its own form of therapy because I 'm pretty sure this is a memory I 'd successfully blocked . Way back when , I was a girl scout leader for Daughter2 's troop . Once upon a time we attended a camp out on a gorgeous warm spring day and although we were booked into a cabin for sleeping , the girls clambered to switch to the platform tents instead . Me , being the great outdoors woman that I am , said okay . It was April and we were in shorts all day long . The sun was shining and some of the girls even got their feet wet in the river . Flash forward a few hours to dinner . We ate with some of the other troops in a central location and as we were eating the weather began to change . We decided to gather up our belongings and head back to our tents which involved a bit of a hike in the suddenly deep , dark , scary and slightly wet woods . Now that darkness had settled in the girls were terrified unhappy at the thought of being spread out into several tents so we piled everyone together into just two . There weren 't enough cots so I , being the great outdoors woman that I am , said I 'd sleep on the floor because I can stand anything for one night . Or so I thought . The rain that started off as a sprinkle had suddenly turned into a downpour and it was lightning in that spooky , Friday the 13th sort of way . Next came the winds . I can honestly say I have never in my life been outdoors in winds like these . Have you ever slept in a platform tent ? For those of you who aren 't in the know , the tent is tied to the platform all the way round , but there 's still a gap of several inches where a little bit of light gets in and a whole lot of wind . At one point I seriously thought the tent was going to lift off the ground ala Dorothy in Oz . It felt like we 'd been in our sleeping bags for hours when a couple of the girls awoke and were sniffling , aka sobbing . My co - leader and I said reassuring things like , ' Just close your eyes and before you know it , morning will be here . ' One of tJoyce Welcome to the Wednesday Hodgepodge . . . come join the party ! Answer the questions on your own blog or fb page then add your link to the end of my post so friends can visit . Here are my answers to this week 's questions - 1 . The NFL playoffs were held this past weekend and this year 's Superbowl will feature the New York Giants versus The New England Patriots . How do you define ' patriot ' ? A person who whole heartedly loves his / her country and demonstrates that support in word and deed . 2 . What 's something in your life right now that feels like a ' giant ' ? Sorting out the details regarding daughter2 's living / working / grad school arrangement for next year . In this case , next year begins the first week of May when we will need to move her personal belongings along with some furniture ( not yet purchased ) to an off campus apartment ( not yet located ) with a roommate ( not yet confirmed ) while she begins the job hunt and takes a couple of grad classes beginning in June . Thankfully Daughter2 is on top of things and is the one reminding me about deadlines and payments . fyi - when you have kids in uni , and especially kids wrapping up uni , there are always payments . 3 . What 's the first thing that comes to mind when you think back to being 18 ? Skinny , suntanned , and nervously excited at living away from home in a college dorm . Trying hard to stay true to myself . Only getting that wrong sometimes . Loving the taste of independence . Most of the time . 4 . Coconut - mashed potatoes - vanilla ice cream - mayonnaise . . . which white food would be the hardest to give up ? Coconut is one of my most favorite flavors so I 'd have a hard time with that one . Since mashed potatoes aren 't on my diet I 've essentially quit eating them which is a crying shame because truly they are a near perfect food in my book but whatever . I eat them only at the holidays . Course if I came to your house and you served them I 'd use that as an excuse to indulge too . I 'd probably miss vanilla ice cream the least , not because I don 't like it but because ice cream isn 't something I crave . Mayonnaise is tricky . I love mayonnaise even though I dole it out like its gold since its related to the mashed potato in terms of my diet . Who besides me thinks I 've overthought this question ? Who besides me is now craving a piping hot serving of mashed potatoes ? Two things popped into my head and y ' all are not surprised I 'm going to share them both are you ? Actually , I started typing out the details to one of these incidents and decided its a blog post all its own so I 'm sharing that one tomorrow . Suffice it to say it involves camping . . . there was sun , sleet , wind , rain , hail , snow and a tornado . Did I mention I was camping ? And was responsible for a group of girls ? You know you 're curious . . . . come back tomorrow . Don 't you hate it when bloggers do that ? In my defense , it 's more words than you have time to read here today . The other ' coldest ever ' day for me was standing atop the platform of the Aiguille du Midi in the French Alps . It sits high above the village of Chamonix and we were there the week after Christmas in 2007 . We were bundled up in all our ski gear and warm boots but it was positively frigid . To get there you ride a cable car up the literal side of a mountain , over a glacier , and up and up into the clouds until you feel like maybe there isn 't enough oxygen in that cable car for you and the 69 peeps jammed in there with you . At least that 's how I was feeling . The views are stunning , some of the most incredible I 've ever seen . We lived to tell about it so that 's good . 6 . You 're hosting a brunch . . . . what 's your favorite dish to prepare and serve ? If it 's more of a breakfast then I love to make a sausage and egg casserole . If I want it to feel more like a lunchy brunch then I 'll make a hot chicken salad , also delish . I am a huge fan of brunch . 7 . How do you combat negative thinking ? I blast music . Seriously , just ask my girls . They still talk about the time they got in my car and as I turned the ignition they nearly went thru the sunroof . The music may have been a tad loud . I must have been doing some serious attitude adjusting that day . 8 . Insert your own random thought here . My hubs brought me home a really unique and thoughtful gift from Korea . . . The carving on the outside of the stamp is The Lord 's Prayer , written in Korean . Thanks hubs ! Go - mah - woa / 고마워 Posted by Here are the questions for this week 's Wednesday Hodgepodge . Don 't forget to come back tomorrow so you can link answers with all your friends and neighbors . See you there ~ 1 . The NFL playoffs were held this past weekend and this year 's Superbowl lineup will feature The New York Giants versus The New England Patriots . How do you define ' patriot ' ? 2 . What 's something in your life right now that feels like a ' giant ' ? 3 . What 's the first thing that comes to mind when you think back to being 18 ? 4 . Coconut - mashed potatoes - vanilla ice cream - mayonnaise . . . which white food would be the hardest to give up ? 5 . Describe an incident or a day you remember as the coldest you 've ever experienced ? 6 . You 're hosting a brunch . . . what 's your favorite dish to prepare and serve ? 7 . How do you combat negative thinking ? 8 . Insert your own random thought here . Posted by Jet lag is not a pretty thing . Especially when you 've spent two weeks on the other side of the world and as a result your days and nights are upside down . Hubs arrived home Thursday morning and spent the weekend trying to right his internal time clock . He 'd been in Singapore and Korea since early January and was fully on their time . Figuring out the difference requires higher level math and its too early for that this morning . All I know is he left Korea at 10 am on Thursday and arrived here at 9 : 40 am on Thursday . Huh ? When he travels he sends me pictures like this one . . . And these . . . . I think the term ' live ' is a temporary state of being for these imprisoned frogs . Hubs said there was a gentleman behind the cage who ' fixed ' them for you . Don 't ask . Is this building incredible or what ? There 's actually a pool up there . . . I feel a little bit jealous until I see him sound asleep on the couch for most of Saturday and then hear him wide awake at 4 : 30 am Sunday morning asking in a loud clear voice , ' Wanna have some coffee and go for a walk ? ' A walk ? Seriously ? Its pitch black outside , not to mention freezing cold , and let 's not forget about all the critters that are out and about at that hour . We know this for a fact because we see their footprints all across the freshly fallen snow that greeted us when we awoke Saturday morning . Or in hubs case , the middle of the night . This was our first snowfall since the crazy snowvalanche we witnessed back in October , and thankfully this one was much gentler . We probably got about 6 inches and its the icy kind which is not my favorite but at least hubs was home to clear the walkways . We did the usual dinner out on Friday night , I caught up on laundry and we hit the supermarket too . We watched the playoffs ( Go Giants ! ) and made chili and took care of some paperwork and looked at our calendar for the next couple of months . Nothing too exciting but its good to have him home . His travel calendar this year month is ca - razy . I can 't predict the future but I 'm pretty certain his will incluJoyce I have a few thoughts about my week in DC that I 'd like to put somewhere and conveniently I have a blog so here we go - 1 . I drove down to DC last Tuesday . It takes me a little over four hours if I don 't stop to have lunch with old friends in Annapolis , in which case it might take seven . What can I say . . . I 'm a fan of the long leisurely lunch . 2 . If the sun is shining when I approach the Bay Bridge connecting Maryland 's Eastern Shore with the Annapolis area I feel a tug in my heart that words cannot describe . Its a combination of the beauty and the memory . We lived in this area for nine years before moving overseas and we still feel its pull . 3 . There is one heck of a lot of traffic in and around the little piece of land perched between Maryland and Virginia known as the US capital . Holy moly . My daughter gets around mostly via public transportation but even that can sometimes be exhausting . She has it down to a science but you can 't control track works , breakdowns , bad weather , or rude people . I do love city life but it requires an extra measure of patience to live and work there every day . 4 . My daughter works in the heart of the city so Capitol Hill Staffers are everywhere . Most are young , often still fresh faced from university , some even still in university working as interns . . . all of them speaking with great authority on any number of topics , but primarily politics and the Presidential campaign . Oi . Does anybody listen to anybody ? Does anybody think for themselves or do they just spew out what they 've heard other people saying ? Does anybody fact check ? Just wondering . A crowded train is not your personal platform . Between the metro operator who , given her issue with braking , must have been a learner driver , and the opinions being broadcast as the gospel truth to anyone and everyone within earshot by the 20 year old metro rider , and the oatmeal we 'd had for breakfast , daughter1 and I were both feeling a little bit queasy on our commute to town . 5 . Speaking of people spewing out opinions , here 's mine . Hey , it 's a blPosted by Welcome to the Wednesday Hodgepodge . . . so glad you 're playing along today . I 've been out of town for a week and am not quite back in the blog groove just yet . What that means for you is that I 'm not as wordy today as I normally am . You 're welcome . Be sure to add your link to the bottom of my post and see what other hodgepodgers have to say . Here are my answers - 1 . A new Miss America was crowned on Saturday night - did you watch ? If you were a contestant what would your talent be ? My daughter and I watched and were kind of disappointed in the top 5 this year . My talent ? Ha - there 's a reason why I was never in a pageant . 2 . Do you have houseplants ? Real or fake ? I do have houseplants , real ones , which I challenge on a weekly basis . I 'm kind of like the ' Jillian Michaels ' of the plant world - I make them work to stay healthy ! Hubs says when a plant gets moved to our master bath it knows its in trouble . In my defense we do travel a lot . I 'm not a big fan of the artificial so even though my plants have a near death experience at least once a month they don 't actually die so I keep at it . 3 . When you were in school did you speak up or were you more of the hide your face , avoid eye contact , and pray the teacher didn 't call on you type of student ? I will be truthful and say I loved school , did my homework , enjoyed taking tests and , while I didn 't do any of that crazy arm waving nonsense , I was happy when the teacher called on me . 4 . Next Monday marks the Chinese New Year . . . . what do you order when someone suggests Chinese food ? My favorite is crispy duck but it has to be prepared just right . . . otherwise something spicy , usually chicken in garlic sauce . 5 . How would you define a miracle ? What would it take for you to consider something a miracle ? An extraordinary occurrence that could only have happened thru God 's supernatural power . The stars in the sky , the ocean , and the incredible way the human body works are a few things that never cease to feel miraculous . 6 . What 's your favorite Disney song ? If you 're stuck you 'll find a list here . FPosted by Here are the questions for this week 's Wednesday Hodgepodge . Everyone is welcome to play along . . . just answer the questions on your own blog and then come back here tomorrow to link answers with the rest of the world . 1 . A new Miss America was crowned on Saturday night - did you watch ? If you were a contestant what would your talent be ? 2 . Do you have houseplants ? Real or fake ? 3 . When you were in school did you speak up or were you more of the hide your face , avoid eye contact , and pray the teacher didn 't call on you type of student ? 4 . Next Monday marks the Chinese New Year . . . what do you order when someone suggests Chinese food ? 5 . How would you define a miracle ? What would it take for you to consider something a miracle ? 6 . What 's your favorite Disney song ? If you 're stuck you 'll find a list here . 7 . I should have _____________ yesterday . 8 . Insert your own random thought here . That would be the DC - Maryland - Virginia region of the country , not the Dept of Motor Vehicles in case anyone is confused . I 've been on a fun little mini holiday this past week , hanging out with my daughter in Washington D . C . Inside shopping malls in Washington D . C . might be more accurate , but it 's all been fun . We like to shop and spent most of Saturday doing just that . In fact , I think I may have accidentally treated her to a new winter work wardrobe . I 'd only planned to get her a couple pair of nice trousers for work but when you are this adorable every single thing you try on is adorable too . She has a job that requires a certain level of dress and since this is her first winter in the big city she truly did need to update her closet and it was fun to help . Every good shopper knows you need a break to rest your feet now and then so we sat down on a bench in the mall to have a cup of tea and watch the world go by . As we sat there talking we noticed three men in suits walking closely behind two teenage girls . I don 't mean that in a creepy way . The message they were sending was more like ' come too close and you 'll regret it ' . The ' suits ' were wearing lapel pins and ear pieces and we knew right away they were Secret Service . Really , who wouldn 't notice three men walking around the mall in suits in the middle of a Saturday afternoon ? Daughter1 said maybe it was one of the Obama girls so really subtle like , ahem , she followed them into Brookstone . She had her trusty phone camera at the ready and I texted her not to get arrested . She 's used to my paranoia so she just laughed and was back a minute later saying it definitely was not a member of the first family . We could see the ' suits ' placed in and around the store entrance and we knew it was somebody . Naturally we felt an urgent need to look at pillows in Brookstone . Come on now , you know you 'd have done the same . Once I got a look at the face of the ' dad ' with the girls I knew it was Eric Holder ( US Attorney General ) . I imagine the Secret Service has to spend a lot After our little escapade we went to see a movie - Beauty and the Beast . Don 't judge - we weren 't the only people over the age of 8 in the theatre . That movie was a favorite in our house back in the day and it 's every bit as good 20 years later . We picked up on a few of the little details we didn 't notice way back when and decided even a cartoon set in a small French village makes us long for the provincial life . I love the message in this tale as old as time . Belle loves books and she knows that what 's on the inside of a person matters most . We might have sung the songs all the way home . . . . I 'm spending a few days with Daughter1 who happens to live in our nation 's capital . You didn 't think I just pulled the Hodgepodge questions out of thin air did you ? When daughter1 was a little girl her Christmas list was full of pinks and purples and baby dolls and ' spinning ' dresses . This year she asked for a new mattress and an external hard drive . Who is this child ? Because she has a full time job and I don 't we decided I 'd come down and be available for the mattress delivery and then we 'd have some fun girl time too . Earlier in the day I 'd taken the Metro into downtown so we could meet for lunch . I got to see Daughter1 's work space and meet her boss and a couple of her co - workers . I looked at her desk , so organized and professional . . . I watched her swipe her ID badge to open doors and I listened as she gave me directions for walking around this huge city . I looked at my daughter and registered the white blouse tucked into dressy trousers and the four inch heels on her teeny tiny toes . For a minute I flashed back to her clomping around the house in my old highheels and her favorite dress up item which was a slip that belonged to my mom . Sometimes practice does make perfect . I had my camera with me and after lunch I was hoping to play tourist but the weather did not cooperate . Instead I wandered into the most fabulous little bookstore in Dupont Circle that daughter1 had recommended . It 's called Kramers and I could easily have pulled a mattress in there and spent the night . I love little bookshops . I bought a travel book or three and , as a little gift for my daughter , a collection of short stories written in French . Because when you live and work in a city you need to make sure you still have beauty in your life . We rode the train home together and went out for a lovely grown up dinner where we solved most of the world 's problems . We came home and put on our pjs and laid on her brand new plush mattress and watched all the Miss America contestant videos . We laughed ourselves silly . She 's in there still , my little gPosted by Welcome to the Wednesday Hodgepodge . . . so glad you joined the fun today . Be sure to add your link to the bottom of my post and then go visiting . Here are my answers - 1 . Lake Superior University has once again banished a list of words / phrases they think should be banished from the Queen 's English in 2012 - amazing , baby bump , shared sacrifice , occupy , blowback , man cave , the new normal , pet parent , win the future , ginormous , trickeration and thank you in advance . Which of these words / phrases would you most like to see banished from everyday speech and why . Go here to read more about how the words were chosen . Well , I love to use the word ginormous so not that one . I 'm going with occupy because I 'm beyond sick of it . 2 . Are you easily embarrassed ? I think I used to be but I 've learned to laugh at myself more easily as I 've gotten older . 3 . what is your go - to snack ? This time of year it 's a clementine . I think its one of natures most perfect foods . If I don 't have fruit in the house ( which is extremely rare ) then I 'll opt for pretzels . Not very exciting I know but a handful of pretzels takes the edge off of hunger pangs and is just enough to keep me from going for the M & M 's . 4 . Have you ever been to Washington DC ? if not do you have any desire to go ? What site / attraction would you most like to see in that city ? If you have been what 's your favorite site ? I 've been to DC more times than I can count . Growing up I had an aunt and uncle who lived in the Virginia suburbs and I know I was there a time or two as a kid . When hubs and I were newlyweds we spent our one year anniversary in the city . We were living in Richmond at the time so an easy trip . Before moving to England we lived in Annapolis for 9 years and popped in to DC often . Currently my Daughter 1 is gainfully employed in DC so yes I 've been to our nations Capital . My favorite site is The Vietnam Memorial but I also love the monuments at night . 5 . sit ups - planks - lunges - squats - which one do you hate the least ? I 'll pick lunges but I think it 's safe to say I hate them all . 6 . Joyce Before I dive into the questions for this week 's Hodgepodge I want to add a little p . s . to the post I wrote on Sunday . I so appreciated all the comments and emails that were sent . Women are complicated and interesting and want to make a difference in the world or at least in their own little corner of planet Earth . Motherhood is a never ending but ever evolving role . When our kids are little we can pretty much predict when they 'll need us because they always need us and we recognize its a 24 / 7 proposition . Adult children need us too , but their need isn 't 24 / 7 , nor is it something we can plan around or schedule . . . therein lies the challenge . You suddenly find yourself with lots of time on your hands . Except when you don 't . You could throw 100 % of your energy and focus into a new pursuit or an old dream , but that little voice in the back of your head and deep in your heart says you better keep a chunk in reserve . How do you use your time and talent and energy outside the arena of wife and mother and still remain , as one of my friends said , ' interruptible ' . Mothers everywhere are nodding their heads in understanding at the weight of that word . My husband is my biggest cheerleader and would say I should pursue whatever in this world I want to pursue . He means it too and encourages me to do exactly that on a regular basis . I 'm here to tell you that 's easier said than done . The words ' mom ' and ' available ' are tangled up with one another long before that baby takes her first breath and will remain so until the end of time . I could go on and on and oops , I have , but I think some of you are just here for the questions to this week 's Hodgepodge so I 'll move along . Be sure to come back tomorrow and link answers with all the other internets out there . Here ya go - 1 . Lake Superior University has once again published a list of words / phrases they think should be banished from the Queen 's English in 2012 - amazing , baby bump , shared sacrifice , occupy , blowback , man cave , the new normal , pet parent , win the future , trickeration , ginoPosted by I dropped Daughter2 at the airport today . Okay , I didn 't drop her , but rather I escorted her to the check in counter where we discovered they 'd changed the terminal for her flight . I then insisted on accompanying her on the tram all the way around the airport to the correct terminal where I stood and watched and waved and smiled as she inched her way thru security all the way up until she was out of sight . Oh I am too much for my girls sometimes . Sometimes I 'm even too much for me . Tonite my two children are in their own apartments in two different states , my husband 's in a country halfway around the world ( all the way ? around the world ) and I 'm here at home . Welcome to mid - life . I don 't know what I imagined life would be like when I got to be the age that I am , but I do know this isn 't it . I guess I never thought much past 30 but here I am , way past 30 and still with a lot of stuff to figure out . My husband says I think too much . He 's partly right but some of who I am has been there since birth and isn 't going to change now . I 'm a thinker and I always have been . Hubs can set a goal , figure out steps 1 - 10 needed to reach that goal and BAM , done . I quite often can 't get past setting the goal . I want that end product but something gets lost in the all important middle . I start thinking and then I think some more and then I set ridiculous parameters and say things to myself like - after x is over I 'll do y . . . tomorrow . . . next week . . . this summer . . . soon . Before I know it its 2012 and what in the world did I actually do in the past year towards making my heart 's desires a reality ? Am I lazy ? A procrastinator ? Afraid ? Incapable ? Not sure what the right answer is but I do know I want to follow the advice I give my own children and not let life sail by without having some say so in how the boat is sailed . Last year was hard . It was too busy and we were on the go non - stop , and of course we were all dealing with my niece 's very serious health crisis , but even on top of all that it was hard . For the first time in my life I felt unproductive . There 's no doubt that plenty happened around here in 2011 , but I couldn 't shake the feeling I was swimming beside the boat just trying to get a hand on the stern so I could climb aboard . In 2011 life pushed me along in a very swift current as opposed to me setting the pace . Maybe we don 't get to choose the pace . And maybe there are too many metaphors in this post but I think you know what I mean . At least some of you do . Some of you reading here are at a stage in life where your days are ordered by the needs and demands of the under ten set and your only option is full steam ahead . But some of you are like me , in the middle of your life but not sure what to do now that you 're here . I 'm going to write more . Maybe not more on my blog but definitely more the old fashioned way . On paper . With a pen . The way I used to write . Back when the words spilled out of me and I couldn 't catch them fast enough . I 'm still going to blog because I love it but I 'd like to try my hand at other kinds of writing too . I told my husband I 'd like to try writing 1000 words a day and he said get busy . See what I mean ? He hears a goal and he 's already on step one . His first thought is DO . I 'm still thinking about it . He also said if I 'd started writing 1000 words a day back when I first said I wanted to write more I 'd have ten books written by now . That is a sad but possibly true statement . I 've never had an anthem before but I 'm embracing this one in 2012 - I know I said something about writing posts with more substance and less ' here 's where I was yesterday ' sort of content but here 's where I was yesterday - In my defense Daughter2 doesn 't go back to uni until this weekend so we 're still ringing in the New Year . We trekked into the city late yesterday afternoon to meet up with a co - worker of my hubs . We got there a little bit early because I was determined to see the tree before it comes down on Saturday . We parked near the restaurant then took a cab over to Rockefeller Plaza . In warmer weather we would have walked it but whoa ! Can you tell it was just a little bit chilly ? And breezy ? Still fun though . . . we hung out in the Plaza for a bit and then ducked into a restaurant for a glass of wine and a warm up . It was 20 degrees in the city yesterday so we kinda needed it . Before heading over to meet our friends we made a quick stop in Bryant Park . A beautiful tree and an outdoor skating rink were set up there too and this is such a pretty little spot very close to the NYC Public Library . We were only eight blocks from the restaurant but we jumped back into a cab because did I mention it was 20 degrees ? One of the things I love best about my hubs is his ability to make friends wherever he goes . It makes for a very rich life . This particular friend / co worker lives in Brazil but he and his wife have been on holiday in The Big Apple so we were excited to meet them for dinner . Another one of hubs work peeps and her hubs and daughter also joined the party and since they know lots of great spots to dine in the city we asked them to choose the restaurant . They did not disappoint . Korean BBQ . The restaurant was situted in ' Koreatown ' which is a whole street ( maybe more ? ) filled with Korean restaurants and shops . You always hear about the Chinatown and Little Italy sections of NY , but there are streets tucked all around the city that are dedicated to different cultures and ethnicities . . . it 's a big part of what makes NY such a fun and interesting ( and let 's not forget tasty ! ) place to Posted by Happy Friday ! I 'm joining up with April at A . Liz adventures for Five on Friday for the first time today ! Head on over to her blog to join ! Whew , had a little bit of the hectic going on the last couple of weeks . Mainly working . I told Honey that about everyone of my clients needed their hair do . . . It 's always a difficult choice . Do I love to read in the summer when on the beach or at the pool ? Or do I really prefer winter reading , with a cozy . . . * I 've been busy . Well , busy for me , sooo . Really . Mom / Nana and I had quite the successful shopping trip yesterday . She can now go on a 3 week road tr . . . 1 . The first day of summer rolls in later this week . What are ten things you 'd put on your list of quintessential summer activities ? Will you try to manage . . . * Hello , Wednesday . Do you remember when I looked forward to you each week because of your alias , Hump Day ? I do . But I don 't love you because of that anymo . . . I miss my blog ! I miss posting the many escapades of my family and our new add ons ! I have a new son in law and a new son in law to be ! Hang on , new po . . . " Tell him you 're white ! " As soon as the words came tumbling off my lips , and the sound of them hit my ears , I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand . The . . . I 've mentioned several times that Compassion always tricks you into a hike . Yesterday was no exception . Our group made our way down the hillside adjacent t . . . Hello , dear friends ! Just a quick note to remind you that the weekly Five Minute Friday link - up has moved to its very own home ! Head over to the new si . . . This is what happens when your people won 't let you eat kill any more chickens . You are forced to look wistfully at them , longing for better days . Notice h . . . Hello dear blog friends ! It has been a minute since I 've stopped by here and poured myself some coffee while I sat at this keyboard to chat . I can 't believ . . . Where 'd we leave off last ? Oh , yes , beginning the recovery process of surgery . I think I 'm pretty much out the other side but had to head back to the OR a . . . Happy Friday ! I 'm joining up with April at A . Liz adventures for Five on Friday for the first time today ! Head on over to her blog to join ! 1 . When was the last time you relocated ? Did you move yourself or leave it to the professionals ? Are you happy staying put or is there a move in your fut . . . We spent some time recently in our home away from home . We headed down I - 81 and found our way to The Smokies . This trip was different for us because each o . . . We did it again . We showed up to the orchard in hopes of picking apples in peace , away from the weekend crowds . And guess what ? . This is a picture of a lo . . . Wrote this last week for the North Texas Presbytery . Thought I 'd share it here as well . And speaking if limping , our dog , Scout , tore her ACL chasing squir . . . © Joyce Daley , From This Side of the Pond , 2009 - 2017 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Joyce Daley and From This Side of the Pond with appropriate and specific direction to the original content .
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First of all , I wanted to show you all the finished baby sweater I posted last time . I finished it up a week or so ago and have since started a new one . This one is a newborn size , so it won 't be very practical as it won 't fit long enough to make it through the cold next winter , but since it was mostly a cabling experiment on my part I 'm ok with that . Someone will be able to make use of it again at some point . The left shoulder buttons with three little buttons that I had in my stash . They came off one of the cuffs of an old sport coat . I only made a few alterations to the pattern , primarily choosing to knit the sleeves in the round in order to save myself one more seam . I really like this pattern and will probably make another one at some point , but in a larger size . I 've also started a second baby sweater ( this one is a 6 - 9 month size ) for next winter . It 's a cabled jacket with hood , and also has matching socks . The yarn I 'm using for this one is a burgundy superwash merino . It feels absolutely wonderful ! The pattern I 'm using is very poorly written , making it a bit difficult to interpret some of the instructions at certain points . I made the mistake of not reading them all thoroughly before I started and after knitting about 5 inches of the back had to rip everything but the ribbing and start over . Now that I 've got the pattern figured out ( after needing to make a few minor adjustments ) it 's turning out very well . I 've got the back finished and have started the right front . I 'll be taking this one on vacation with us next week and will hopefully be able to knock out the majority of it ( if not all of it ) before I have to go back to work on the seventh . Now , this baby is not the only one who 's got new clothes in the works . I am about half finished with a 1950s maternity top ( that 's been on the back burner since I started the sweaters and have been busy with holiday stuff ) . The pattern is one that I was given by a good friend . It 's a 1950s maternity pattern ( Simplicity 1174 ) with a top , skirt and shorts . I 'm making the top in version 1 to wear once I get bigger and the weather warms up . Image from Vintage Patterns Wiki The fabric I found for just a few dollars a yard from Denver Fabrics , and I think it 's going to look cute with my jeans and the black knit pencil skirt I have also . I still have to attach the sleeves , hem the bottom and finish the closures on the front . It 's a bit of a wrinkly mess on Tabitha right now , but I think it 's going to be really cute once I 've got it all together . The fabric has a woven dot pattern in white , yellow , red and pink . The black trim is a scrap from my black linen pants that I made last summer , and I have solid black buttons for the front of the blouse . Once I get this second sweater finished I 'll probably go back and finish up this top . I also have to finish trimming some pajamas I made and try and get our couch recovered before the baby gets here , but that 's going to be kind of a tall order , so we 'll see what happens . I hope that everyone is enjoying the holidays and I hope to have some finished garments to show you all very soon ! Posted by I 've been working on several projects here lately , but haven 't had the time to photograph them since things have been so busy . The end of the semester was hectic , then I was laid up with a cold for a week ( from which I am just now recovering ) , and the holidays are always busier than expected . I finally managed to take a few pictures of a couple of little projects I have in the works in order to prove that I haven 't been sitting around doing nothing for the last several weeks . Hopefully I 'll have a few more projects up soon . However , before I show you the projects , I 've got a announcement . We 're having a baby ! I know of at least three other bloggers who are also pregnant ( Casey , Nabby , and Quincy ) , and wouldn 't be surprised if there are several more out there as well . I also have a cousin and several friends who are due early next spring and next summer . Mr . S and I are expecting our little peanut at the end of May ( fortunately a month after the semester is over here , so I will easily be able to take time off this summer ) . Of course , a new baby ( quite a big project in and of itself ) means lots of new projects for me ! I have a 1950s maternity top on the sewing table right now . I 'm about half finished with it . However , what I have to share is for the baby . So far so good . First of all , working on a sweater this tiny provides much more immediate gratification than all of the sweaters I 've made for myself since the pieces are so small . It 's the first time I 've ever knit cables , and overall they turned out pretty well . There are a couple of minor mistakes in the pattern , but nothing too glaring , and I had gotten too far to care about ripping them out when I noticed them . I just finished blocking these pieces so that I can join the side seams and begin the sleeves , which are knit onto the body instead of as separate pieces . I have yarn for a couple of other baby sweaters that I will be starting once I get this one finished . The second baby project I 've been working on is a baby quilt . I 'm actually recovering the quilt that my maternal grandmother made for me when I was born . I 'm just going to remove the binding and use the whole quilt as batting . I 'm making a bunch of tiny nine - patch squares for the quilt top , and all of the fabric for them is from scraps left from dresses I 've made for myself . There are even a few little pieces from squares I used for a family quilt I made several years ago as an art project . I 'm planning on alternating nine - patch squares and solid squares for the quilt top , using the white polka - dots as the contrast squares . The green dot will be with quilt back , and I 'm going to being it in yellow . I 've been thinking about doing a little bit of embroidery perhaps on the white squares of the quilt top , but we 'll see . I really like what Bessie did with the quilt top that she finished recently . I don 't know if I have that much time and patience though . I may be lucky to get the squares finished . I found the green and white dot fabrics , along with the yellow for the binding the other day . I 'm really pleased with how they look with the nine - patch squares . It was lucky that so many of my dress scraps were baby friendly , gender neutral fabrics . We 're not planning on finding out the gender so I wanted to make sure it didn 't look too girly , but still wanted it to be a little bit cutesy . I was just recently nominated for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award by Sara at The Pretty Pickle . First of all , I have to say I am flattered . I really enjoy sharing projects with all of you , in order to get your opinions on things , share things I 've come up with , and I particularly enjoy seeing what you all have created . I have a couple of local sewing friends , but it 's nice to be a part of such a wide community of like - minded ( and helpful ) people . The rules of this lovely award are as follows : So , without further ado , I guess I should share 7 things about myself . 1 . I play the viola ( or at least I used to ) . I took lessons for seven years , and I still have my viola , but it 's hard to find time to play ever . I 'm really shy about playing in front of people so I won 't play if anyone else is home . Silly , I know , but what are you going to do . 2 . This is just totally weird , but unique I guess . I can pop my left shoulder in and out of socket . It has freaked out even die hard yoga practitioners who can do all kinds of strange things with their bodies . 3 . When I was ten years old I spent an entire summer trying to memorize all of Puck 's lines from A Midsummer Night 's Dream . I saw it at a local University and became a little obsessed . I still know most of his monologue from the scene in the fairy realm , before Oberon and Titania enter . 4 . I love to dance . I dance all of the time . Even while I 'm teaching . My students tease me about it . I took tap , jazz and ballet as a little kid , took irish dance lessons for a couple of years when I was about 10 . I have dabbled in belly dance , swing dancing , burlesque , pole , salsa , ballroom and have been taking flamenco lessons for the last couple of years . Flamenco is a beautiful art form , lots of fun to do , ties in with my love of Spanish culture , and is also just totally cool . One word . Ruffles . 5 . I hate bananas . Hate is a very strong word , and in this case it is entirely appropriate . I can 't stand anything about them . I can even smell it if someone is eating a banana in the next room . 6 . The Land Before Time is one of my favorite movies of all time . It has great sentimental value to me , since my brothers and I used to watch it at our grandmother 's house all the time . I cannot watch it without crying through three - quarters of the movie , though ( and by crying I mean bawling uncontrollably ) . Full blown waterworks . 7 . My eyes change color . Sometimes blue , sometimes green , sometimes grey . For the past couple of years they have been much greener than they have ever been in the past . 3 . The knitting fiend MCONIECZKI at Tres Bien Ensemble ( she 's also on Ravelry ) - Her sewing projects are lovely . Check out her new pjs ! However , what really floors me are her knitting projects . She 's prolific and very skilled . Everything she makes seems to turn out beautifully . 4 . Technicolor Cutie - Her outfits are adorable , but I really admire her commitment to fixing her hair with a new baby on hand . 5 . Cynthia at Dapper Duds - Because let 's face it , she 's precious . I really love that she makes clothes for her husband though . She always does a great job . 6 . The sisters of Brentwood Lane - great outfits and wonderful taste in film ; ) 7 . Jennifer Lauren at Jennifer Lauren Vintage - Her dresses are adorable and I love reading about her other crafty escapades . 8 . Nabby at This Old Life - Her clothes and hair make me drool . 9 . Milenushka of The Home Blues - Her new version of Gertie 's wiggle dress pattern is killer ! I love seeing all the photos from her travels as well . 10 . Jeanne at Sew Vera Venus - One word : Exquisite . Posted by Well , I still haven 't taken pictures of the finished wool dress , but I just came upon the pictures of these pants that I made over the summer and never got around to posting . These are another pair of pants made from the ever popular Simplicity 3688 . I 've used the pattern before for a pair of suit pants ( which have recently been passed on to a friend ) . I 've worn these a couple of times . I really like them , and they are very comfortable , but I wish I had added about half or three - quarters of an inch to the crotch length so the waist would sit just a tad higher . I have an ever so slightly higher natural waist , and these don 't quite hit me at the smallest point . I didn 't photograph this , but they also have some bright purple hem tape finishing the inside of the legs . They are very comfortable and great for work . I can 't remember what the exact fabric content is , but it 's some polyester - rayon - lycra something or other I think . Anyway , because of that they don 't need pressing . I 'll have to touch up the creases now and again , but that 's not much work . It 's easy to reset them with the stripes as a guide . As usual , I hand picked my zipper . I have a zipper foot , but I 've just really come to love hand inserting zippers . They just look so much more polished and neat , and it 's much easier to work on curves like this hip seam in particular . Due to the fabric content there is a bit of puckering that happens at the point of the darts that I couldn 't eliminate completely no matter what I did to them . They flatten out a bit when on the body , but either way they 're not so noticeable as to be distracting . I have a tan fabric with dark brown pinstripes in my stash that is destined for another pair of these . I may go ahead and raise the waistline a teeny bit on those so that they sit where I 'd prefer . However , those have gone on the back burner for a while , since I 've got some much more time and labor intensive projects in the works right now , but more on those later . Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving week ! I haven 't been feeling great and therefore haven 't been very productive for the last several weeks , but I 've finally gotten back into some sewing and am nearly finished with the 1960s dress I started ages ago . I have gotten a bit farther than is shown in the pictures , but it gives you an idea at least . I hope to have the dress finished by tomorrow so I can wear it for a brunch and movie date with my wonderful Mr . S . He 's got the day off and we haven 't gotten to go out in a month so we 're going to make a day of it tomorrow . We are planning on going to see Lincoln and from what I 've heard it should be a good film . It 's hard to lose with Daniel Day - Lewis . Anyway , back to the dress . Just a reminder , this is the pattern I 'm using . I 'm making the full skirted version ( as you can see ) , but will be using the three - quarter jacket sleeves instead of the short sleeves , to make it more winter appropriate . I have also dropped the back neckline into a shallow " v " . I like the look of the high front neckline with a lower back neckline ( in case you haven 't noticed ) . The fabric came from a friend 's mother 's stash . She passed away and they gifted us with a lot of her fabric when they were cleaning out her house a few years ago . It was all very nice wool , much of it vintage pendleton . She also left notes on a lot of the fabric telling how much she paid , what year , etc . This particular yardage is a lovely , lightweight wool with a beautiful hand . It was 54 inches wide and I had about 3 . 5 yards of it . She bought it in 1994 . It was originally priced at $ 40 / yard , but she got it for 60 % off ( and I got it for free ! ) . The colors are a bit different than much of what I have in my wardrobe , which is nice , but they work well enough that it will still coordinate with my sweaters and jackets . I have taken a lot more care with finishing on this dress than I tend to usually . Partially because I felt the fabric deserved it , but it also tends to be a bit ravely and I wanted to be sure that all of my seams were enclosed . I made french seams in the boI had just enough of this peachy - orange lace hem tape in my stash to finish the hem as well . Not only did it save me a little extra pressing , but I also like having it as a fun , hidden accent on my dressier garments . I still have a few projects from earlier this summer that I haven 't taken pictures of yet in order to share with you all , but now that I have a tad more free time I 've been working on a couple of things for the colder weather . It 's officially fall here , and so many of my dresses are just completely summery I have a goal of trying to fill out my cold weather wardrobe a bit more in the next few weeks . I 'm also doing a little stash busting in the process . Again , no pictures of the projects themselves yet , but I will try and get those taken care of soon . For now , I will leave you with a bit of a teaser , just the patterns and fabric descriptions . I have several small yardages of vintage wool , some of which is real Pendleton purchased in October of 1976 by the original fabric owner ( according to the tags left on her yard goods ) . Anyway , the first project I 've managed to get finished is a wool swing coat from a heavy blue and green plaid that mom gave me a couple of years ago . Obviously it 's the plaid on the right . Incidentally I 've also recently made a pencil skirt from the purplish wool in the front , but that 's something I haven 't managed to photograph yet . The jacket pattern I used was Simplicity 4027 . It turned out really well and it 's very differently stylistically from any of my other jackets , which is nice . The next project I 'm working on is a dress from some of the lighter weight wool that was in the stash my mom and I received from an acquaintance who 's mother passed away . This one is a bit newer . The note said she bought it in 1994 I think , but it is 100 % wool and the colors are perfect for a fall dress . No pictures of it yet , unfortunately , but soon I promise . The pattern I 'm using is a vintage original from the early sixties that I found at an antique shop for a dollar or two . Image from Vintage Patterns Wiki I cut the back neckline into a slightly lower V - back instead of the full boatneck . I also wanted longer sleeves , since it is for winter , so I 'm using the jacket sleeves instead of the shorter dress sleeves . I just used the sleeve cap for the short sleeve and extended the sides along the seam lines of the longer sleeve piece . I have to dig through my buckle stash to see if I can find one that works with the fabric I 'm using , but I should have something . I have just enough of a few other pieces to make myself a few more pencil skirts for wearing to work , and would like to get those done in the next couple of weeks , but we will see how that goes . I have a bit more free time now , but not that much . Posted by Alright , so this is going to be short and sweet , but I thought I 'd share since , while it is not sewing , it is still a creative outlet of sorts . I just baked my very first loaf of bread . I am happy to say , I can now call myself a successful bread baker . Nothing fancy , just a white sandwich loaf , but this is only the beginning . I can feel it now . . . . . . . In an effort to not only maintain a healthy lifestyle and good eating habits ( along with minimizing the carbon footprint ) I have been trying to make sure that most if not all of what we eat is homemade , locally sourced , preservative and creepy chemical free , and helps support our small local economy . I try to buy all of our produce , meat and dairy ( as much as possible ) from local farmers , I make my own yogurt from local , organic milk , and now I will be making our own bread as well . Everyone is always very impressed when I tell them I make yogurt , but it 's really one of the easiest things in the world to do , and requires only a minimum of effort . This wasn 't that much harder . Now Mr . S can eat his sandwiches on fresh bread made with only four , very easily pronounced ingredients . The crust turned out beautifully ! Nice and crispy , like a good french loaf , with a soft , moist crumb ( middle of the bread ) . Nice and fluffy as well . It 's really delicious and it 's going to be very nice being able to make loaves in a size that we can actually go through before it goes bad , so it will also be less wasteful , not to mention significantly cheaper . Now I just have to try and restrain myself so it 's not all gone by the time Mr . S gets off work tonight . Posted by I just wanted to share this one with you all ! Tamsen is another local blogger ( who also happens to be my sweet baby brother 's girlfriend ) , and while I love the clothes she designs for herself , I must admit that my favorite of her creative outlets is definitely her baking . This girl can bake like nobody 's business ! Seriously . And she makes valves ; because being well rounded is very important . Without further ado , here are a couple of my favorite projects of hers . . . . This caped mini - dress is a newer project , and is absolutely adorable . She always looks cute , but this dress is definitely up there pretty high on the cute outfit list . I am no longer young enough to get away with a mini this micro , but she can still pull it off . And I cannot begin to describe the goodness that is the vegan choco - nut peanut butter bliss bite . These things were seriously to die for . Chocolate , peanut butter , caramel and coconut . In miniature . One of my favorite designs of hers , however , is this incredibly comfortable hooded tunic - dress . She very generously shared her pattern with me , and I could wear mine every day . It 's one of those projects that I still haven 't managed to take pictures of , but I think I 'm going to make myself another one in the near future here , so I will make sure I take pictures of that one . The pattern was one of the Butterick re - issues , and the fabric was a birthday present from my mom a few years ago . It was a vintage cotton , almost lawn in weight , with flocked dots in red . When she gave it to me she said " I know there are at least four yards " . Great ! Just enough for a dress . When I went to cut this dress out , though , as I unfolded my yardage to wash it , it just kept unfolding further and further . You were right , Mom . There were at least four . In fact , there were FOUR - TEEN yards of this stuff . It was great because as vintage yard goods , it was only about 36 inches wide , but still . Fourteen yards is quite a hefty amount . I had so much left I decided to make another dress out of it , but using the reverse side of the fabric this time for a slightly different look this go around . I was immediately in love with this pattern . After measuring all of the pieces and comparing the body measurements and finished garment measurements I cut out a size 12 at bust and hip , and a size 10 at the waist . This is a pretty standard ratio for me on modern patterns , especially from the any of the Big Four companies . I also shortened the hem a few inches , another common adjustment I make in order to accommodate my 5 ' 4 ' ' and a more modern hem length . I made a few other adjustments as well , to suit my own taste . I eliminated the front darts in the skirt , pinning them out before I cut my fabric . I did this first of all , because I like a flatter fit in the front , but also to keep from interrupting the grid of red dots as much as possible . I also changed the neckline , raising it to a boat neck in front and a much deeper V in back . The entire dress is lined in white muslin , because this fabric is so thin . The pieces all fit together beautifully , even after my alterations , and the fit is perfect . While I liked the original style of the pattern to begin with , it makes a wonderful base for adaptation . Once I had the dress nearly finished , I pondered what kind of embellishment I wanted to do . I knew I was going to make a coordinating belt from some stash red cotton , and my first idea was to run thin red piping around the neckline . My mom suggested instead making button tabs on the shoulders , which turned out to be the idea I went with , also adding some at the side vents in the skirt . I 'm pretty sure this is my new favorite dress . It 's so summery and comfortable , but can still be very dressy if I need it to be . I love the way it fits as well . It 's an extremely flattering dress , and I will be using the pattern in future without doubt . I would love to do a dress and coat ensemble like the envelope , but that will have to wait , as I don 't have any coat fabric in my stash and am not permitting myself to buy any quantities of fabric until I 've finished several more projects . Continuing my stash busting efforts , even after making this dress I had enough fabric left to do something with , so I decided to make a playsuit . The pattern I used is an original that I found at a local antique store a couple of years ago . I haven 't been able to pin down a specific year , but it appears to be from around 1940 , give or take a couple of years . Again , I apologize for all the wrinkles . I took these pictures in the middle of moving into the new house , and didn 't have my ironing board yet , nor the time to iron everything anyway . The bow is a detachable pin , which I have also worn pinned at the center back of the V - neck on the previous dress , and their are thread loop belt carriers on the playsuit as well so I can also wear the belt with this if I don 't want to wear the overskirt . My bound buttonholes on the skirt didn 't turn out perfectly straight , but there was no correcting it once I realized it . Oh , well . The bow distracts from that slightly so it 's not too bad . I usually end up wearing the playsuit without the skirt anyway , so it doesn 't bother me too much . The skirt is lined with the very last bits of the red and white cotton . The playsuit is also fully lined due to the sheerness of the fabric , and I ended up putting a much longer zipper in the side so that it opened all the way to the top in order to make it easier to get in and out of . It 's very comfortable and is one of my new favorite summer garments . I 'd like to make another one in a more practical color for running around when it 's 95º out . Homage to Griffe , and a query The inspiration for this dress came from a Jacques Griffe design that I have adored for ages . Everything about this photo of actress Suzy Parker I find lovely . The fullness of the skirt , with all those tiny pleats ( they almost look like cartridge pleats to me ) paired with the simple , clean , satin jacket and dainty black shoes is to die for . The colors in the photo are , while not vibrant , rich and warm , and the expression on her face , and the movement in her pose are just lovely . I found this fabric at a Ben Franklin 's ages ago on their flat folds table , and I think I paid about $ 3 or $ 4 a yard for it . While I 'm not 100 % sure of the fabric content , since that is hardly one of Ben Franklin 's top priorities , it definitely has a lot of rayon in it , if it 's not all rayon . The weight and drape of it are wonderful though , and I knew from the get go that I wanted to make something with a big full skirt like this one . I bought all they had , which ended up being about 6 yards I think . It 's been sitting in my stack for about two years and I finally got around to sewing it up . The colors reminded me of this photo and I decided to use Butterick 4512 again , making the bodice from a solid black to mimic the black jacket in Giffe 's design . Ever since I used this pattern for my white a and blue polka dot dress last summer I 've wanted to use it again , because I like the way the top fits , and the overall shape was so nice . I only used the bodice for this version though , adding my own , extra - voluminous skirt . Other than the skirt alteration , the only thing I had to change about the pattern was the same neck adjustment I made the first time around . The sides of the halter neck were much too loose on me , and so I tightened them up a few inches total to bring the neck up higher and to eliminate the gaping around the top of the bust in front . The fabric for the bodice I found on a clearance table at JoAnn 's ( although the clearance price wasn 't all that cheap ) . I only needed a yard , so it wasn 't bad though , especially since the skirt fabric was so much cheaper . There is a little bit of pulling that happens at the darts on Tabitha since we are not exactly the same proportions , but it lays more smoothly on me . The skirt is a 1 . 75 circle skirt . I didn 't have enough to get two full circles out of it , but one and three - quarters circles is still a pretty voluminous skirt , especially with a crinoline under it . I love the black one underneath the skirt in the Giffe original , but I don 't have one and have tulle to make an ivory one next , so the black will have to wait . While the shape I get with my current crinoline is great , I don 't really care for it . It is too heavy and tends to not lay evenly all around , so I 'm going to make myself a new one . I decided to monogram the collar , since I don 't have anything monogrammed and have been toying with the idea on several other garments for a while . I opted for a very subtle black on black " E " on the left collar point . While not perfect , it came out pretty well for an only slightly planned first attempt . After looking back at my finished project , I think that one of the things that I enjoyed most about this dress is that it reminds me of a project that I did in high school . During a visiting artist session with Lee Mingwei at Oxbow we did a project that reflected on the subject / issue of copying in the art world . Mingwei addressed the issue we have in the Western world with the idea of copying another art work ; something that is generally perceived as low , uncreative , unoriginal , or even stealing . Through his work with us he wanted to emphasize the importance of copying others ( especially older artists ) in the education of artists for centuries , not only in the Western hemisphere , but particularly in Asian artistic traditions . In both areas of the world , copying the old masters was how a student learned to handle their medium and their subject , studying the work and technique of their predecessors directly and actively . This process seems to have lost value in the the modern Western tradition in particular . He provided us with a list of 21 modern artists , and we were each asked to choose one artist and one piece to copy . The term copy here , he used rather loosely , telling us we could copy directly , copy form , copy palette , copy subject , whatever it was about the piece we found interesting or compelling . I chose Pat Steir , an artist whose work was as far from my comfort zone as I could get . The painting that I chose is entitled Green One . I can 't currently find the disk that has my portfolio photos on it , and I don 't have a copy of them anywhere else , but I 'll try and find a picture of my version soon . I would just take another photograph , but it 's about 3 . 5 ' x6 ' and it 's off the stretcher bars , so it would be a little tough to do . Anyway , the point of the project was to use the copying process to help further our skills and develop our own artistic visions through a slightly more focused path . I think this same concept applies to a lot of the things that I and many of you other sewers create , but in my opinion at least , there is a different attitude toward the concept of " copying " in the sewing world than there is in the art world . Whether this has something to do with the ( in today 's world ) more mainstream and visible nature of fashion and fashion design as compared with the very closed art world , or because of the wearable , functional aspects of clothing as an art form . I do think the comparison is an interesting one , though . What are your opinions on the subject of copying ( I again am using the term rather loosely ) ? Do you see it as a helpful , productive step in one 's development as an artist / creator or as something that should be avoided in pursuit of the truly innovative and unique ? Are the two things mutually exclusive ? While this isn 't a sewing related post , it is another project that I managed to finish in the last couple of months . As a reenactor , I am well aware of the wonders of wooden shoes , especially when you 're tromping through a wet , muddy campsite . I have a pair of plain wooden sabot that I wear to events , sabot being the French versions that are more appropriate for the group we portray . However , some friends of ours passed this pair of Dutch clogs along to me a couple of years ago . They didn 't fit anyone in their family and the more narrow cut of these shoes was perfect for my skinny little heels . Despite the fact that Dutch shoes ( the much pointier toes indicate that they are Dutch and not French , which have a more rounded toe ) are not appropriate for me at events , I really loved the shape of them and decided to just keep them they way they were . However , these shoes happen to be souvenirs from someone 's trip to Holland , Michigan in 1974 . There is a note on the bottom that says " From Holland Mich . From Mom and Dad July 16 , ' 74 " . Their daughter had apparently decided that they needed some decoration and had started painting flowers and words like " Peace " and " Love " all over them . Most of her plans , however , didn 't make it past the pencil stage on the shoes so they were only partially painted with some very seventies teenage cheese happening . So , I sanded the outside of the shoes down a bit to get the paint and the pencil marks off and then set myself to painting . I looked around at lots of painted dutch clogs before I settled on colors and designs , and finally decided that I really liked the look of the yellow ones . Digging around through my mom 's acrylics I pulled out the perfect shade of bright yellow , and several other colors to do the decorative designs on the toes . I wanted to make sure that I used a traditional design , and found this amongst several Pennsylvania Dutch designs . I loved the combination of bird , floral and hearts , and the shape and size was just right for the tops of my shoes . I printed it off and transferred them on to the shoes using a very primitive pencil / rubbing method and then started deciding on colors for the various components . I finally threw a couple of coats of satin finish polyurethane on them last week so now all I need is something to pad the top edge so they don 't rub on my feet . Come next spring these are going to become my garden shoes . It 's going to take some work to get the yards in shape for planting , so I don 't even want to attempt it yet , on top of trying to get the house in order , but as I said before , wooden shoes are great for dirty , wet lawns . The poly should really help make them easy to wipe off as well . I just need to make myself a pair of 1940s overalls to wear with them and my gardening ensemble will be complete . The neighbors are going to think I 'm a complete nut . ( I 've been playing around with Mr . S 's fancy Canon the last couple of days . He works all the time , and has given me permission to use it whenever I want . Definitely more fun than my old point and click . Tee hee ! ) The top for this sunsuit is the 1950s Beach Bra Halter Top from Mrs . Depew Vintage . Here again , I didn 't bother to make a muslin first , but the fit is pretty good for the first time through . It 's definitely wearable . There are a couple of minor adjustments I would make if I were to make this again , which is a definite possibility since it 's a really cute top . First , I would shorten the halter strap just a hair . I think I would probably take about half an inch out just to give it a bit snugger fit and a tad more support up front . I would also want to adjust the darts some to accommodate a slightly larger cup size . I thought about putting sew - in bra cups in this one , but without having done a muslin first to adjust the fit properly it wasn 't going to happen neatly so I just skipped them . I used two large red buttons on the back closure , which are very cute , but I think it would also benefit in future from a little bit of narrow elastic around the bottom just to snug things up a little bit more . That would just be my personal preference , in order to make myself completely comfortable with not wearing a bra under it . The pattern I used for the trunks is the same pattern I have used for all of my shorts . McCalls 7665 from 1949 . I hadn 't used the trunks part of this pattern before , but as they were very similar to the shorts , I figured it would be pretty easy to whip them up . I adjusted the waistline a tad so they would sit up as high as I wanted them to , and took them in a bit in the sides as I have done repeatedly with the shorts pattern in order to get a closer fit . I also shortened them so they would be more bathing - suit length . They have a side zip and elastic in the legs . The waist did not turn out perfectly , as I faced it instead of using the waistband , but it is serviceable . I really just made this an an experiment and for photo purposes more than actual wear . The top was always intended to get more use .
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First of all , I wanted to show you all the finished baby sweater I posted last time . I finished it up a week or so ago and have since started a new one . This one is a newborn size , so it won 't be very practical as it won 't fit long enough to make it through the cold next winter , but since it was mostly a cabling experiment on my part I 'm ok with that . Someone will be able to make use of it again at some point . The left shoulder buttons with three little buttons that I had in my stash . They came off one of the cuffs of an old sport coat . I only made a few alterations to the pattern , primarily choosing to knit the sleeves in the round in order to save myself one more seam . I really like this pattern and will probably make another one at some point , but in a larger size . I 've also started a second baby sweater ( this one is a 6 - 9 month size ) for next winter . It 's a cabled jacket with hood , and also has matching socks . The yarn I 'm using for this one is a burgundy superwash merino . It feels absolutely wonderful ! The pattern I 'm using is very poorly written , making it a bit difficult to interpret some of the instructions at certain points . I made the mistake of not reading them all thoroughly before I started and after knitting about 5 inches of the back had to rip everything but the ribbing and start over . Now that I 've got the pattern figured out ( after needing to make a few minor adjustments ) it 's turning out very well . I 've got the back finished and have started the right front . I 'll be taking this one on vacation with us next week and will hopefully be able to knock out the majority of it ( if not all of it ) before I have to go back to work on the seventh . Now , this baby is not the only one who 's got new clothes in the works . I am about half finished with a 1950s maternity top ( that 's been on the back burner since I started the sweaters and have been busy with holiday stuff ) . The pattern is one that I was given by a good friend . It 's a 1950s maternity pattern ( Simplicity 1174 ) with a top , skirt and shorts . I 'm making the top in version 1 to wear once I get bigger and the weather warms up . Image from Vintage Patterns Wiki The fabric I found for just a few dollars a yard from Denver Fabrics , and I think it 's going to look cute with my jeans and the black knit pencil skirt I have also . I still have to attach the sleeves , hem the bottom and finish the closures on the front . It 's a bit of a wrinkly mess on Tabitha right now , but I think it 's going to be really cute once I 've got it all together . The fabric has a woven dot pattern in white , yellow , red and pink . The black trim is a scrap from my black linen pants that I made last summer , and I have solid black buttons for the front of the blouse . Once I get this second sweater finished I 'll probably go back and finish up this top . I also have to finish trimming some pajamas I made and try and get our couch recovered before the baby gets here , but that 's going to be kind of a tall order , so we 'll see what happens . I hope that everyone is enjoying the holidays and I hope to have some finished garments to show you all very soon ! Posted by I 've been working on several projects here lately , but haven 't had the time to photograph them since things have been so busy . The end of the semester was hectic , then I was laid up with a cold for a week ( from which I am just now recovering ) , and the holidays are always busier than expected . I finally managed to take a few pictures of a couple of little projects I have in the works in order to prove that I haven 't been sitting around doing nothing for the last several weeks . Hopefully I 'll have a few more projects up soon . However , before I show you the projects , I 've got a announcement . We 're having a baby ! I know of at least three other bloggers who are also pregnant ( Casey , Nabby , and Quincy ) , and wouldn 't be surprised if there are several more out there as well . I also have a cousin and several friends who are due early next spring and next summer . Mr . S and I are expecting our little peanut at the end of May ( fortunately a month after the semester is over here , so I will easily be able to take time off this summer ) . Of course , a new baby ( quite a big project in and of itself ) means lots of new projects for me ! I have a 1950s maternity top on the sewing table right now . I 'm about half finished with it . However , what I have to share is for the baby . So far so good . First of all , working on a sweater this tiny provides much more immediate gratification than all of the sweaters I 've made for myself since the pieces are so small . It 's the first time I 've ever knit cables , and overall they turned out pretty well . There are a couple of minor mistakes in the pattern , but nothing too glaring , and I had gotten too far to care about ripping them out when I noticed them . I just finished blocking these pieces so that I can join the side seams and begin the sleeves , which are knit onto the body instead of as separate pieces . I have yarn for a couple of other baby sweaters that I will be starting once I get this one finished . The second baby project I 've been working on is a baby quilt . I 'm actually recovering the quilt that my maternal grandmother made for me when I was born . I 'm just going to remove the binding and use the whole quilt as batting . I 'm making a bunch of tiny nine - patch squares for the quilt top , and all of the fabric for them is from scraps left from dresses I 've made for myself . There are even a few little pieces from squares I used for a family quilt I made several years ago as an art project . I 'm planning on alternating nine - patch squares and solid squares for the quilt top , using the white polka - dots as the contrast squares . The green dot will be with quilt back , and I 'm going to being it in yellow . I 've been thinking about doing a little bit of embroidery perhaps on the white squares of the quilt top , but we 'll see . I really like what Bessie did with the quilt top that she finished recently . I don 't know if I have that much time and patience though . I may be lucky to get the squares finished . I found the green and white dot fabrics , along with the yellow for the binding the other day . I 'm really pleased with how they look with the nine - patch squares . It was lucky that so many of my dress scraps were baby friendly , gender neutral fabrics . We 're not planning on finding out the gender so I wanted to make sure it didn 't look too girly , but still wanted it to be a little bit cutesy . I was just recently nominated for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award by Sara at The Pretty Pickle . First of all , I have to say I am flattered . I really enjoy sharing projects with all of you , in order to get your opinions on things , share things I 've come up with , and I particularly enjoy seeing what you all have created . I have a couple of local sewing friends , but it 's nice to be a part of such a wide community of like - minded ( and helpful ) people . The rules of this lovely award are as follows : So , without further ado , I guess I should share 7 things about myself . 1 . I play the viola ( or at least I used to ) . I took lessons for seven years , and I still have my viola , but it 's hard to find time to play ever . I 'm really shy about playing in front of people so I won 't play if anyone else is home . Silly , I know , but what are you going to do . 2 . This is just totally weird , but unique I guess . I can pop my left shoulder in and out of socket . It has freaked out even die hard yoga practitioners who can do all kinds of strange things with their bodies . 3 . When I was ten years old I spent an entire summer trying to memorize all of Puck 's lines from A Midsummer Night 's Dream . I saw it at a local University and became a little obsessed . I still know most of his monologue from the scene in the fairy realm , before Oberon and Titania enter . 4 . I love to dance . I dance all of the time . Even while I 'm teaching . My students tease me about it . I took tap , jazz and ballet as a little kid , took irish dance lessons for a couple of years when I was about 10 . I have dabbled in belly dance , swing dancing , burlesque , pole , salsa , ballroom and have been taking flamenco lessons for the last couple of years . Flamenco is a beautiful art form , lots of fun to do , ties in with my love of Spanish culture , and is also just totally cool . One word . Ruffles . 5 . I hate bananas . Hate is a very strong word , and in this case it is entirely appropriate . I can 't stand anything about them . I can even smell it if someone is eating a banana in the next room . 6 . The Land Before Time is one of my favorite movies of all time . It has great sentimental value to me , since my brothers and I used to watch it at our grandmother 's house all the time . I cannot watch it without crying through three - quarters of the movie , though ( and by crying I mean bawling uncontrollably ) . Full blown waterworks . 7 . My eyes change color . Sometimes blue , sometimes green , sometimes grey . For the past couple of years they have been much greener than they have ever been in the past . 3 . The knitting fiend MCONIECZKI at Tres Bien Ensemble ( she 's also on Ravelry ) - Her sewing projects are lovely . Check out her new pjs ! However , what really floors me are her knitting projects . She 's prolific and very skilled . Everything she makes seems to turn out beautifully . 4 . Technicolor Cutie - Her outfits are adorable , but I really admire her commitment to fixing her hair with a new baby on hand . 5 . Cynthia at Dapper Duds - Because let 's face it , she 's precious . I really love that she makes clothes for her husband though . She always does a great job . 6 . The sisters of Brentwood Lane - great outfits and wonderful taste in film ; ) 7 . Jennifer Lauren at Jennifer Lauren Vintage - Her dresses are adorable and I love reading about her other crafty escapades . 8 . Nabby at This Old Life - Her clothes and hair make me drool . 9 . Milenushka of The Home Blues - Her new version of Gertie 's wiggle dress pattern is killer ! I love seeing all the photos from her travels as well . 10 . Jeanne at Sew Vera Venus - One word : Exquisite . Posted by Well , I still haven 't taken pictures of the finished wool dress , but I just came upon the pictures of these pants that I made over the summer and never got around to posting . These are another pair of pants made from the ever popular Simplicity 3688 . I 've used the pattern before for a pair of suit pants ( which have recently been passed on to a friend ) . I 've worn these a couple of times . I really like them , and they are very comfortable , but I wish I had added about half or three - quarters of an inch to the crotch length so the waist would sit just a tad higher . I have an ever so slightly higher natural waist , and these don 't quite hit me at the smallest point . I didn 't photograph this , but they also have some bright purple hem tape finishing the inside of the legs . They are very comfortable and great for work . I can 't remember what the exact fabric content is , but it 's some polyester - rayon - lycra something or other I think . Anyway , because of that they don 't need pressing . I 'll have to touch up the creases now and again , but that 's not much work . It 's easy to reset them with the stripes as a guide . As usual , I hand picked my zipper . I have a zipper foot , but I 've just really come to love hand inserting zippers . They just look so much more polished and neat , and it 's much easier to work on curves like this hip seam in particular . Due to the fabric content there is a bit of puckering that happens at the point of the darts that I couldn 't eliminate completely no matter what I did to them . They flatten out a bit when on the body , but either way they 're not so noticeable as to be distracting . I have a tan fabric with dark brown pinstripes in my stash that is destined for another pair of these . I may go ahead and raise the waistline a teeny bit on those so that they sit where I 'd prefer . However , those have gone on the back burner for a while , since I 've got some much more time and labor intensive projects in the works right now , but more on those later . Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving week ! I haven 't been feeling great and therefore haven 't been very productive for the last several weeks , but I 've finally gotten back into some sewing and am nearly finished with the 1960s dress I started ages ago . I have gotten a bit farther than is shown in the pictures , but it gives you an idea at least . I hope to have the dress finished by tomorrow so I can wear it for a brunch and movie date with my wonderful Mr . S . He 's got the day off and we haven 't gotten to go out in a month so we 're going to make a day of it tomorrow . We are planning on going to see Lincoln and from what I 've heard it should be a good film . It 's hard to lose with Daniel Day - Lewis . Anyway , back to the dress . Just a reminder , this is the pattern I 'm using . I 'm making the full skirted version ( as you can see ) , but will be using the three - quarter jacket sleeves instead of the short sleeves , to make it more winter appropriate . I have also dropped the back neckline into a shallow " v " . I like the look of the high front neckline with a lower back neckline ( in case you haven 't noticed ) . The fabric came from a friend 's mother 's stash . She passed away and they gifted us with a lot of her fabric when they were cleaning out her house a few years ago . It was all very nice wool , much of it vintage pendleton . She also left notes on a lot of the fabric telling how much she paid , what year , etc . This particular yardage is a lovely , lightweight wool with a beautiful hand . It was 54 inches wide and I had about 3 . 5 yards of it . She bought it in 1994 . It was originally priced at $ 40 / yard , but she got it for 60 % off ( and I got it for free ! ) . The colors are a bit different than much of what I have in my wardrobe , which is nice , but they work well enough that it will still coordinate with my sweaters and jackets . I have taken a lot more care with finishing on this dress than I tend to usually . Partially because I felt the fabric deserved it , but it also tends to be a bit ravely and I wanted to be sure that all of my seams were enclosed . I made french seams in the boI had just enough of this peachy - orange lace hem tape in my stash to finish the hem as well . Not only did it save me a little extra pressing , but I also like having it as a fun , hidden accent on my dressier garments . I still have a few projects from earlier this summer that I haven 't taken pictures of yet in order to share with you all , but now that I have a tad more free time I 've been working on a couple of things for the colder weather . It 's officially fall here , and so many of my dresses are just completely summery I have a goal of trying to fill out my cold weather wardrobe a bit more in the next few weeks . I 'm also doing a little stash busting in the process . Again , no pictures of the projects themselves yet , but I will try and get those taken care of soon . For now , I will leave you with a bit of a teaser , just the patterns and fabric descriptions . I have several small yardages of vintage wool , some of which is real Pendleton purchased in October of 1976 by the original fabric owner ( according to the tags left on her yard goods ) . Anyway , the first project I 've managed to get finished is a wool swing coat from a heavy blue and green plaid that mom gave me a couple of years ago . Obviously it 's the plaid on the right . Incidentally I 've also recently made a pencil skirt from the purplish wool in the front , but that 's something I haven 't managed to photograph yet . The jacket pattern I used was Simplicity 4027 . It turned out really well and it 's very differently stylistically from any of my other jackets , which is nice . The next project I 'm working on is a dress from some of the lighter weight wool that was in the stash my mom and I received from an acquaintance who 's mother passed away . This one is a bit newer . The note said she bought it in 1994 I think , but it is 100 % wool and the colors are perfect for a fall dress . No pictures of it yet , unfortunately , but soon I promise . The pattern I 'm using is a vintage original from the early sixties that I found at an antique shop for a dollar or two . Image from Vintage Patterns Wiki I cut the back neckline into a slightly lower V - back instead of the full boatneck . I also wanted longer sleeves , since it is for winter , so I 'm using the jacket sleeves instead of the shorter dress sleeves . I just used the sleeve cap for the short sleeve and extended the sides along the seam lines of the longer sleeve piece . I have to dig through my buckle stash to see if I can find one that works with the fabric I 'm using , but I should have something . I have just enough of a few other pieces to make myself a few more pencil skirts for wearing to work , and would like to get those done in the next couple of weeks , but we will see how that goes . I have a bit more free time now , but not that much . Posted by Alright , so this is going to be short and sweet , but I thought I 'd share since , while it is not sewing , it is still a creative outlet of sorts . I just baked my very first loaf of bread . I am happy to say , I can now call myself a successful bread baker . Nothing fancy , just a white sandwich loaf , but this is only the beginning . I can feel it now . . . . . . . In an effort to not only maintain a healthy lifestyle and good eating habits ( along with minimizing the carbon footprint ) I have been trying to make sure that most if not all of what we eat is homemade , locally sourced , preservative and creepy chemical free , and helps support our small local economy . I try to buy all of our produce , meat and dairy ( as much as possible ) from local farmers , I make my own yogurt from local , organic milk , and now I will be making our own bread as well . Everyone is always very impressed when I tell them I make yogurt , but it 's really one of the easiest things in the world to do , and requires only a minimum of effort . This wasn 't that much harder . Now Mr . S can eat his sandwiches on fresh bread made with only four , very easily pronounced ingredients . The crust turned out beautifully ! Nice and crispy , like a good french loaf , with a soft , moist crumb ( middle of the bread ) . Nice and fluffy as well . It 's really delicious and it 's going to be very nice being able to make loaves in a size that we can actually go through before it goes bad , so it will also be less wasteful , not to mention significantly cheaper . Now I just have to try and restrain myself so it 's not all gone by the time Mr . S gets off work tonight . Posted by I just wanted to share this one with you all ! Tamsen is another local blogger ( who also happens to be my sweet baby brother 's girlfriend ) , and while I love the clothes she designs for herself , I must admit that my favorite of her creative outlets is definitely her baking . This girl can bake like nobody 's business ! Seriously . And she makes valves ; because being well rounded is very important . Without further ado , here are a couple of my favorite projects of hers . . . . This caped mini - dress is a newer project , and is absolutely adorable . She always looks cute , but this dress is definitely up there pretty high on the cute outfit list . I am no longer young enough to get away with a mini this micro , but she can still pull it off . And I cannot begin to describe the goodness that is the vegan choco - nut peanut butter bliss bite . These things were seriously to die for . Chocolate , peanut butter , caramel and coconut . In miniature . One of my favorite designs of hers , however , is this incredibly comfortable hooded tunic - dress . She very generously shared her pattern with me , and I could wear mine every day . It 's one of those projects that I still haven 't managed to take pictures of , but I think I 'm going to make myself another one in the near future here , so I will make sure I take pictures of that one . The pattern was one of the Butterick re - issues , and the fabric was a birthday present from my mom a few years ago . It was a vintage cotton , almost lawn in weight , with flocked dots in red . When she gave it to me she said " I know there are at least four yards " . Great ! Just enough for a dress . When I went to cut this dress out , though , as I unfolded my yardage to wash it , it just kept unfolding further and further . You were right , Mom . There were at least four . In fact , there were FOUR - TEEN yards of this stuff . It was great because as vintage yard goods , it was only about 36 inches wide , but still . Fourteen yards is quite a hefty amount . I had so much left I decided to make another dress out of it , but using the reverse side of the fabric this time for a slightly different look this go around . I was immediately in love with this pattern . After measuring all of the pieces and comparing the body measurements and finished garment measurements I cut out a size 12 at bust and hip , and a size 10 at the waist . This is a pretty standard ratio for me on modern patterns , especially from the any of the Big Four companies . I also shortened the hem a few inches , another common adjustment I make in order to accommodate my 5 ' 4 ' ' and a more modern hem length . I made a few other adjustments as well , to suit my own taste . I eliminated the front darts in the skirt , pinning them out before I cut my fabric . I did this first of all , because I like a flatter fit in the front , but also to keep from interrupting the grid of red dots as much as possible . I also changed the neckline , raising it to a boat neck in front and a much deeper V in back . The entire dress is lined in white muslin , because this fabric is so thin . The pieces all fit together beautifully , even after my alterations , and the fit is perfect . While I liked the original style of the pattern to begin with , it makes a wonderful base for adaptation . Once I had the dress nearly finished , I pondered what kind of embellishment I wanted to do . I knew I was going to make a coordinating belt from some stash red cotton , and my first idea was to run thin red piping around the neckline . My mom suggested instead making button tabs on the shoulders , which turned out to be the idea I went with , also adding some at the side vents in the skirt . I 'm pretty sure this is my new favorite dress . It 's so summery and comfortable , but can still be very dressy if I need it to be . I love the way it fits as well . It 's an extremely flattering dress , and I will be using the pattern in future without doubt . I would love to do a dress and coat ensemble like the envelope , but that will have to wait , as I don 't have any coat fabric in my stash and am not permitting myself to buy any quantities of fabric until I 've finished several more projects . Continuing my stash busting efforts , even after making this dress I had enough fabric left to do something with , so I decided to make a playsuit . The pattern I used is an original that I found at a local antique store a couple of years ago . I haven 't been able to pin down a specific year , but it appears to be from around 1940 , give or take a couple of years . Again , I apologize for all the wrinkles . I took these pictures in the middle of moving into the new house , and didn 't have my ironing board yet , nor the time to iron everything anyway . The bow is a detachable pin , which I have also worn pinned at the center back of the V - neck on the previous dress , and their are thread loop belt carriers on the playsuit as well so I can also wear the belt with this if I don 't want to wear the overskirt . My bound buttonholes on the skirt didn 't turn out perfectly straight , but there was no correcting it once I realized it . Oh , well . The bow distracts from that slightly so it 's not too bad . I usually end up wearing the playsuit without the skirt anyway , so it doesn 't bother me too much . The skirt is lined with the very last bits of the red and white cotton . The playsuit is also fully lined due to the sheerness of the fabric , and I ended up putting a much longer zipper in the side so that it opened all the way to the top in order to make it easier to get in and out of . It 's very comfortable and is one of my new favorite summer garments . I 'd like to make another one in a more practical color for running around when it 's 95º out . Homage to Griffe , and a query The inspiration for this dress came from a Jacques Griffe design that I have adored for ages . Everything about this photo of actress Suzy Parker I find lovely . The fullness of the skirt , with all those tiny pleats ( they almost look like cartridge pleats to me ) paired with the simple , clean , satin jacket and dainty black shoes is to die for . The colors in the photo are , while not vibrant , rich and warm , and the expression on her face , and the movement in her pose are just lovely . I found this fabric at a Ben Franklin 's ages ago on their flat folds table , and I think I paid about $ 3 or $ 4 a yard for it . While I 'm not 100 % sure of the fabric content , since that is hardly one of Ben Franklin 's top priorities , it definitely has a lot of rayon in it , if it 's not all rayon . The weight and drape of it are wonderful though , and I knew from the get go that I wanted to make something with a big full skirt like this one . I bought all they had , which ended up being about 6 yards I think . It 's been sitting in my stack for about two years and I finally got around to sewing it up . The colors reminded me of this photo and I decided to use Butterick 4512 again , making the bodice from a solid black to mimic the black jacket in Giffe 's design . Ever since I used this pattern for my white a and blue polka dot dress last summer I 've wanted to use it again , because I like the way the top fits , and the overall shape was so nice . I only used the bodice for this version though , adding my own , extra - voluminous skirt . Other than the skirt alteration , the only thing I had to change about the pattern was the same neck adjustment I made the first time around . The sides of the halter neck were much too loose on me , and so I tightened them up a few inches total to bring the neck up higher and to eliminate the gaping around the top of the bust in front . The fabric for the bodice I found on a clearance table at JoAnn 's ( although the clearance price wasn 't all that cheap ) . I only needed a yard , so it wasn 't bad though , especially since the skirt fabric was so much cheaper . There is a little bit of pulling that happens at the darts on Tabitha since we are not exactly the same proportions , but it lays more smoothly on me . The skirt is a 1 . 75 circle skirt . I didn 't have enough to get two full circles out of it , but one and three - quarters circles is still a pretty voluminous skirt , especially with a crinoline under it . I love the black one underneath the skirt in the Giffe original , but I don 't have one and have tulle to make an ivory one next , so the black will have to wait . While the shape I get with my current crinoline is great , I don 't really care for it . It is too heavy and tends to not lay evenly all around , so I 'm going to make myself a new one . I decided to monogram the collar , since I don 't have anything monogrammed and have been toying with the idea on several other garments for a while . I opted for a very subtle black on black " E " on the left collar point . While not perfect , it came out pretty well for an only slightly planned first attempt . After looking back at my finished project , I think that one of the things that I enjoyed most about this dress is that it reminds me of a project that I did in high school . During a visiting artist session with Lee Mingwei at Oxbow we did a project that reflected on the subject / issue of copying in the art world . Mingwei addressed the issue we have in the Western world with the idea of copying another art work ; something that is generally perceived as low , uncreative , unoriginal , or even stealing . Through his work with us he wanted to emphasize the importance of copying others ( especially older artists ) in the education of artists for centuries , not only in the Western hemisphere , but particularly in Asian artistic traditions . In both areas of the world , copying the old masters was how a student learned to handle their medium and their subject , studying the work and technique of their predecessors directly and actively . This process seems to have lost value in the the modern Western tradition in particular . He provided us with a list of 21 modern artists , and we were each asked to choose one artist and one piece to copy . The term copy here , he used rather loosely , telling us we could copy directly , copy form , copy palette , copy subject , whatever it was about the piece we found interesting or compelling . I chose Pat Steir , an artist whose work was as far from my comfort zone as I could get . The painting that I chose is entitled Green One . I can 't currently find the disk that has my portfolio photos on it , and I don 't have a copy of them anywhere else , but I 'll try and find a picture of my version soon . I would just take another photograph , but it 's about 3 . 5 ' x6 ' and it 's off the stretcher bars , so it would be a little tough to do . Anyway , the point of the project was to use the copying process to help further our skills and develop our own artistic visions through a slightly more focused path . I think this same concept applies to a lot of the things that I and many of you other sewers create , but in my opinion at least , there is a different attitude toward the concept of " copying " in the sewing world than there is in the art world . Whether this has something to do with the ( in today 's world ) more mainstream and visible nature of fashion and fashion design as compared with the very closed art world , or because of the wearable , functional aspects of clothing as an art form . I do think the comparison is an interesting one , though . What are your opinions on the subject of copying ( I again am using the term rather loosely ) ? Do you see it as a helpful , productive step in one 's development as an artist / creator or as something that should be avoided in pursuit of the truly innovative and unique ? Are the two things mutually exclusive ? While this isn 't a sewing related post , it is another project that I managed to finish in the last couple of months . As a reenactor , I am well aware of the wonders of wooden shoes , especially when you 're tromping through a wet , muddy campsite . I have a pair of plain wooden sabot that I wear to events , sabot being the French versions that are more appropriate for the group we portray . However , some friends of ours passed this pair of Dutch clogs along to me a couple of years ago . They didn 't fit anyone in their family and the more narrow cut of these shoes was perfect for my skinny little heels . Despite the fact that Dutch shoes ( the much pointier toes indicate that they are Dutch and not French , which have a more rounded toe ) are not appropriate for me at events , I really loved the shape of them and decided to just keep them they way they were . However , these shoes happen to be souvenirs from someone 's trip to Holland , Michigan in 1974 . There is a note on the bottom that says " From Holland Mich . From Mom and Dad July 16 , ' 74 " . Their daughter had apparently decided that they needed some decoration and had started painting flowers and words like " Peace " and " Love " all over them . Most of her plans , however , didn 't make it past the pencil stage on the shoes so they were only partially painted with some very seventies teenage cheese happening . So , I sanded the outside of the shoes down a bit to get the paint and the pencil marks off and then set myself to painting . I looked around at lots of painted dutch clogs before I settled on colors and designs , and finally decided that I really liked the look of the yellow ones . Digging around through my mom 's acrylics I pulled out the perfect shade of bright yellow , and several other colors to do the decorative designs on the toes . I wanted to make sure that I used a traditional design , and found this amongst several Pennsylvania Dutch designs . I loved the combination of bird , floral and hearts , and the shape and size was just right for the tops of my shoes . I printed it off and transferred them on to the shoes using a very primitive pencil / rubbing method and then started deciding on colors for the various components . I finally threw a couple of coats of satin finish polyurethane on them last week so now all I need is something to pad the top edge so they don 't rub on my feet . Come next spring these are going to become my garden shoes . It 's going to take some work to get the yards in shape for planting , so I don 't even want to attempt it yet , on top of trying to get the house in order , but as I said before , wooden shoes are great for dirty , wet lawns . The poly should really help make them easy to wipe off as well . I just need to make myself a pair of 1940s overalls to wear with them and my gardening ensemble will be complete . The neighbors are going to think I 'm a complete nut . ( I 've been playing around with Mr . S 's fancy Canon the last couple of days . He works all the time , and has given me permission to use it whenever I want . Definitely more fun than my old point and click . Tee hee ! ) The top for this sunsuit is the 1950s Beach Bra Halter Top from Mrs . Depew Vintage . Here again , I didn 't bother to make a muslin first , but the fit is pretty good for the first time through . It 's definitely wearable . There are a couple of minor adjustments I would make if I were to make this again , which is a definite possibility since it 's a really cute top . First , I would shorten the halter strap just a hair . I think I would probably take about half an inch out just to give it a bit snugger fit and a tad more support up front . I would also want to adjust the darts some to accommodate a slightly larger cup size . I thought about putting sew - in bra cups in this one , but without having done a muslin first to adjust the fit properly it wasn 't going to happen neatly so I just skipped them . I used two large red buttons on the back closure , which are very cute , but I think it would also benefit in future from a little bit of narrow elastic around the bottom just to snug things up a little bit more . That would just be my personal preference , in order to make myself completely comfortable with not wearing a bra under it . The pattern I used for the trunks is the same pattern I have used for all of my shorts . McCalls 7665 from 1949 . I hadn 't used the trunks part of this pattern before , but as they were very similar to the shorts , I figured it would be pretty easy to whip them up . I adjusted the waistline a tad so they would sit up as high as I wanted them to , and took them in a bit in the sides as I have done repeatedly with the shorts pattern in order to get a closer fit . I also shortened them so they would be more bathing - suit length . They have a side zip and elastic in the legs . The waist did not turn out perfectly , as I faced it instead of using the waistband , but it is serviceable . I really just made this an an experiment and for photo purposes more than actual wear . The top was always intended to get more use .
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I am going to try to remember this picture the next time I want to eat the entire carton of chocolate ice cream out of the freezer . With chocolate sauce on top . First of all , the sucker is not a bad thing . For the right person , a sucker is a good thing . But for other people , the sucker should not be sucked . Second , temptation is always there . Usually within reach , but also capable of being rejected . While it may not help that somebody 's got it right in front of your face , it helps if they keep it out of your reach . Third , laughing and enjoying family is much more satisfying than any food . And finally , one should be careful of pictures showing what one is eating - the proof is in the pudding ( or sucker ) . Oh , and for the record , no suckers were sucked by Lindley . Lynnette is another matter . _________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : weeding and picking up limbs in the yard ; 5 slow miles in the neighborhood and seeing boot camper ; picking up Lindley at day care ; McAllisters dinner with Steve , Sam , Lynnette , and Lindley ( and delivered by Steve ) I 'm trying a new diet . It works great during the day , until I get to the meal I 'm supposed to eat that 's healthy and reasonable . Instead , I lose all reason and eat crazy . But I 'm not discouraged . It 's a work in progress , and because my eating habits have been so out of control , I know it will take some time . So , while I work on it , I just thought I 'd remind myself of a few thoughts on dieting : When we lose twenty pounds . . . we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have ! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius , our humanity , our love and honesty . ~ Woody AllenIt 's okay to be fat . So you 're fat . Just be fat and shut up about it . ~ Roseanne BarrI 've been on a diet for two weeks and all I 've lost is fourteen days . ~ Totie FieldsThe older you get , the tougher it is to lose weight , because by then your body and your fat are really good friends . ~ Author UnknownYou can 't lose weight by talking about it . You have to keep your mouth shut . ~ Author UnknownI think I just ate my willpower . ~ Author UnknownWhen I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away . But first I spray them with Raid so I won 't dig them out of the garbage later . Be careful , though , because that Raid really doesn 't taste that bad . ~ Janette BarberSo there - just a few funny things to think about while I think about trying again tomorrow . _________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : BSC with Lindley and walking 5 miles and shopping I am watching " The Big Break " on Golf Channel . Basically there are 11 women who are in a golf contest of sorts . The eventual winner gets an exemption to play in an LPGA event . It 's interesting and entertaining , except for one thing - the jibber - jabbing between every stroke . There are several challenges and contests . It seems that after every player hits the ball , we have to listen to her explain how she felt and why her shot wasn 't great and what she thinks , blah , blah , blah . It gets very boring after awhile . Sure , it 's interesting to hear people talk and explain themselves - sometimes . But sometimes it 's time to just be quiet for awhile . I read several blogs of people - most of whom I don 't know but happened upon , usually from a link from someone else 's blog . Most of them are interesting because they talk about things that are happening in their lives . But every now and then , a blogger goes on and on and on - expressing every single thought that crosses her mind . I keep reading , hoping for a morsel of written word to chew on . But sometimes it just isn 't there . SometimesIt 's justa sentencepoeticallywritten . What 's the moral of this story ? Simply this : what 's blah - blah to me is golden nuggets to someone else . Every blogger has that reader that salivates while waiting for that blog to load , eager to read that day 's epistle . It 's the same for " The Big Break . " There 's a viewer out in TV Land that held on to every word the lady golfers spoke . They loved every syllable and utterance the golfer put out . So blah - blah on , people . There 's somebody out there waiting to hear and read what you have to say . ____________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : $ 7 loungy shorts at Target ; picking up Lindley at day care ; Steve 's Bubba Burgers for dinner with Molly , Lynnette , and Lindley ; 5 slow miles in the hood wearing the jogging dress These are some of my buds at boot camp . Nearly everyone is faster and more fit than I am . But we are a group , because although we do our own thing at our own pace , we encourage each other along the way and seem to enjoy busting our butts every morning for an hour . Some of us come every day , while others attend only a few days a week . Some have been doing boot camp for months , and some have just completed their first . Some are single , some are married , some have kids , some work full time - just a huge range of life 's adventures . Hopefully at the end of the four weeks , we 've gotten a little stronger and more fit . Hopefully we 've lost a pound or two and can run a little faster . Hopefully we 've seen changes in the way we feel and we 're happy - albeit a little stiff and sore . We 've held the legs of our partners as they 've attempted that set of ab exercises . We 've encouraged each other to keep going as we climb the stairs and jump rope and skip with resistance . We 've held sweaty hands during a blob chase , passed basketballs in hopes for a team basket , and ran to the front of the group during an Indian relay . In other words , we 've gained - friends and experiences and memories . What a great way to end a boot camp ! ___________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : Last day of boot camp , straightening up parts of the house ; fixing the remote control issue ; seeing three deer in the neighborhood ; Nissan car repair dude ; morning Nissan ride home ; meeting Sam 's co - worker and Molly 's furniture buyer lady and her contractor , chatting with Maribeth on the phone Tomorrow is the last day of this session of boot camp . I 've missed several days for various reasons , but have managed to slug it through . I 'm hoping to do better next session ( even though I say that every session and have yet to achieve that better status ) . Anyhow , I just wanted to share some tricks of the butt camp trade , just in case you join me . 1 . Modification . This means that when the rest of the group is doing a maneuver where you are doing some version of a sit - up , then you 're supposed to roll up , then you 're supposed to get up on your feet and jump up , you can do the best you can . Which may be to just lie on the ground and hope that it 's close to quittin ' time . 2 . Justification . This means that you have a reason for modification . It may be because you 're : old / overweight / wearing the wrong clothes / still upset over last night 's American Idol Elimination / need a Starbucks . As long as you have a reason , you have a chance of living through the workout . 3 . Airification . This means that you must put your mat in front of the only fan in the gym , if you wish to continue to breathe . On the other side of the gym , the one with no fan , there is no air , thereby restricting one 's ability to do the obligatory side - scissor - crunch - partner - leg throw over your head exercise . 4 . Waterfication . This means that you really should have a water bottle handy . Perhaps spiked with a little " extra " encouragement . 5 . Laughification . This means that you must tell a few jokes so that when you are supposed to be doing 60 billion partner belly - busters , you can distract your partner from counting . This way you can also be known as " the funny one " instead of the " old , slow , chubby one . " There you have it . You can now join me at 5 : 45 am - I 'll be the one next to the emergency defibrillator equipment . __________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : Boot camp outside ; check - up with Dr . Nylander and her friendly self ; picking up Lindley at day care ; new suitcase delivery This dude owns a house and rents it out . One night , two drunk dudes break down the door , resulting in one drunk dude getting hit in the head with a wrench and both getting arrested . However , the owner is not going to press charges , and instead is going to take them out to lunch and get to know them better . That 's " turning the other cheek " in action , and I 'm proud to know that homeowner - he 's my little brother ! _____________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : Watching " GI Jane " ; moving table to sun room ; Molly 's new roof ; walking Rambo ; picking up Lindley at daycare ; McAllister 's dinner with Molly ; telephone chat with Maribeth During my recent trip to NYC , Molly and I walked through a street fair . She had a skewer of meat chunks , and I had some sort of cornbread with mozzarella cheese melted in the middle . Mine was delicious and Molly got the meat sweats from hers . I figured it would be one of those culinary treats that I would rarely have - until I started google - ing tonight . As it turns out , the treat is called " Mozzarepa " and actually has the possibility of being made - if I can find a willing cook . If I can 't find that cook ( like someone who is having her entire kitchen remodeled ) , then I guess I 'll just have to go find this guy in The Big Apple ! ! ____________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : making it through boot camp after nearly a week off ; taking over Molly 's desk and file cabinet for my room ; chasing Rambo with Roger ; construction discussion with Roger , Jason , Christian , and later , Molly ; Steve 's burgers on the grill ; picking up Lindley at day care ; afternoon Starbucks run I spent most of the day shopping for necessary and unnecessary items and appliance price comparing with Molly . I also ate too much and unwisely ( finishing up the chocolate ice cream and chocolate sauce ) . I then passed out on the sofa while watching the US Open Golf Championship on television . All that 's left is to go to bed - it is dark now . Hello middle age ! ! __________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : shopping with Molly ; corn dog at Sonic ; Spud Max at McAllister 's ; Tiger Woods golf All you have to do is get a colonoscopy . Let 's start at the beginning . The year of my 50th birthday , I went to my gynecologist for my annual checkup . She casually asked if I had scheduled my colonoscopy , apparently the " thing " for all 50 - year - olds to do . There are many other things I could think about doing , but I listened and said I 'd look in to it - just didn 't say when . She gave me the card of her favorite butt - doctor ( probably has a specialist name , but I like to get to the point ) . Every yearly checkup since that year , Dr . N asked me again if I had had my coly ( again - my term - certainly more interesting ) . And each year I reply , " No , but I 'm going to . " Last year I even mentioned reading about " virtual colonoscopies " just to through her off my trail . But no - she 's read up on them and even knew someone who did those ( a virtual doctor , I guess ) . Anyhoo , about a month ago , Marilyn told me that a friend of hers ( that I also know ) was recently diagnosed with colon cancer . So , I decide to take the plunge . Or should I say have the plunge take me . I did , and here 's my report : First I had to get a doctor . Luckily for me , my gyno Dr . N gave me the business card of a good one - Dr . S . At least I assumed he was good - Dr . N is the best and I would probably do whatever she suggested . Or at least consider it , since I considered Dr . S for two years ( more on that in another step ) . Next you have to schedule an appointment . I didn 't know what kind of appointment I would need to make . Would I say that I needed a camera up my butt , and when do they do that ? Or would I say I want the " 50 Year Old Fart Factory Special ' ? Just what does one request ? I decided to just lay my cards on the table and say , " I need to schedule a colonoscopy . " Apparently that worked , because the receptionist said , " Ok . You will need to see the doctor first , " and scheduled me an appointment a few weeks later . The day eventually came that I was going to meet the doctor . This was a good idea , since I expected my first meeting would be when he came into the " procedWednesday , June 16 , 2010 I just got back from seeing the " Beauty and The Beast " touring stage show . It 's a favorite of mine , both the play and the animated movie . I like the extra songs that the play has , but I also like the imagery that only animation creates . Tonight was a great performance , although it wasn 't my favorite performance . In an effort to " freshen up " the play , creative minds have made a few minor changes , probably noticeable to nobody except me . The staging was a little bit different and the costumes seemed a bit underwhelming . The actors had great singing voices , but their portrayals of the lead characters seemed unconvincing . With all that being said , I still enjoyed the play . The story was the same , and they lived happily ever after at the end . I guess that 's one way to see things - that it 's the story , not the little details , that makes life meaningful . _________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : picking up Lindley at day care ; TPAC with Steve , Lynnette , and Molly In the process of trying to blog tonight , I googled to find a list of suggested topics . I found a blog with 100 topics , but I found that I didn 't understand many of them . So much for outside help . At least I didn 't post a kitten video ! ____________________________________________________________________ Things that made today great : BSC with Lindley ; Demos dinner with Sam , Lynnette , Lindley , and Molly ; Whole Foods field trip with Lindley I know about jet lag and how travelling through time zones can make one lethargic and depressed . Yesterday I crossed one time zone and am wondering if I can qualify for jet lag . If not , I have come up with some other " lags " that I hope will explain my current state of " pooped - out - ness . " Disney Lag - comes after chasing after the Mouse , or standing in long lines , or maneuvering through the throngs of strollers / scooters , or shopping for the perfect Disney doo - dad . 5k Lag - comes after wogging yet another 5k for which one is miserably unpreparedAnxiety Airplane Lag - comes after any flight that causes one emotional distress - like any flight that takes off and flies in the airUnpacking Lag - comes when the vacationer unpacks the suitcase , realizing the clothes that were packed apparently multiplied into six loads of laundryCatching Up Lag - comes when the vacationer returns to regular life and has to bust a butt to catch up with the mail , the dishes , the laundry , the chores , the repairs , etc . , that happened at the home place during the vacationShut Up - I Want A Lag - comes when you 're of the age you can lag whenever you want - and nobody better say anything different ! _________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : Surviving Monday boot camp after being gone a week ; getting errands done ; moving more of Molly 's boxes ; late afternoon rain Just got back into town , after a delayed and extra - security - screened flight from Orlando . Unloaded the bags , unloaded Steve 's car , then went to Molly 's to load her boxed up household stuff to put in storage . The plan is for the carpenters to tear out her den and kitchen tomorrow . Or the next day , since one of the workers quit to start a new job . Tomorrow , before the carpenter dudes come at noonish , I will return to Molly 's after unloading the carload of boxes at the storage place , to get more stuff for the storage place and other stuff to store at my house . I will also unpack my stuff and start the post - vacation laundry . This of course will be done AFTER 5 : 45 am boot camp . At least that 's the plan for now . Sounds like a Monday to me ! ____________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : Safari at Animal Kingdom ; lunch at Mimi 's with Steve ; safe , smooth - ish flight home ; Molly 's airport pickup ; cold pizza slice ; sleeping in my own bed Yeah , my brain needs to go on a diet - in a variety of ways . But for now , let 's just deal with the diet the rest of my body is on . I started on one of those diets where you eat the diet food that the diet people send you . I shall not reveal the name of said diet , thereby eliminating any opinions of the aforementioned diet . That way , I won 't have to hear how another diet is better , like the " Elmer 's Glue Diet " where you glue your lips together , or the " Twiggy Diet " where you eat only that which falls from a tree , or the " Zip It And Sip It Diet " where you pound all your food in a baggie and then drink it , or the - well you get the idea . For the purposes of this blog post , let 's just leave it at the " Eat This " diet . This is where my brain comes in . My brain , who is certainly in favor of less baggage in my trunk , is convinced that food ( any and a lot of it ) is my friend . My brain gets in a tizzy , thinking I must eat ( insert any inappropriate food here ) , and I must eat it immediately and in large quantities . My brain thinks I " deserve " ( insert any food treat here ) because I did some aerobic activity ( like breathe in and out ) . My brain thinks I am on vacation , so I am entitled to eat ( insert any greasy , yummy meal here ) . My brain refuses to count calories , make sense of what I am eating , or come to terms with food reality . But it is learning , albeit on a very slow learning curve . I try to teach my brain that , if I were on a required medical diet , I could eat only those things on the prescribed diet - so isn 't this similar to that situation ? I try to teach my brain that food is just food - and there are lots more things in the word that are enjoyable . I try to teach my brain that I am not banning ( insert food of desire here ) forever - just until I can get things under control - and fit into clothes that aren 't made by Nashville Tent and Awning . My brain is slowly getting it . It still has lapses ( like last night 's coke float in the Magic Kingdom ) but it 's trying to learn . Maybe the real success of a diet is this - my brain gNo comments : Tonight the Magic Kingdom was open until 2 am - as if I could possibly stay awake until then , much less fight the people and strollers in an attempt to ride the choo - choo train . Which proves that now the Magic Kingdom is proving to me that I am indeed , getting older . How do I know this ? Let me give you a few pointers that you too , may be aging a little bit : 1 . You make a beeline for the WedWay People Mover . You have to be old to continue to call this ride by this name . And if the name - calling was enough , you also squeal as you take those hairpin turns - at the equivalent speed of a turtle crossing the road . 2 . You eye those scooters and think maybe they 're not such a bad idea . 3 . You get a Coca - cola float at 11 : 00 pm , because you know the caffeine will not keep you awake . In fact , you 're just hoping it will keep you awake through the 10 pm fireworks . 4 . You look at people with strollers and thank God that you were not one of your peers who thought having a baby at 50 was a good idea and would keep you young . 5 . You look at people with teenagers and thank God you had kids early in life - so that when yours were teenagers you were so busy trying to keep your sanity that you managed to get through those years with a few brain cells left . 6 . You really don 't care what you 're wearing or how you look , because you know there 's somebody older , fatter , and wearing a more ridiculous outfit that yours . And besides , you realize nobody 's looking at you , anyhow . 7 . You finally have to admit that you no longer look cute in that Mickey Mouse shirt . And matching pants . And matching hat . And more Mickey Mouse stuff that doesn 't match but you would probably wear anyhow . But you remember that nobody is looking at you , so you buy it anyway and wear it . So your child who is no longer a teenager can roll his / her eyes to the top of their heads . 8 . You start mentally making notes on when you will bring the grandchildren - which month , how long in the parks , and when to go back for naps - mostly yours . But in the end , you realize that nobody reallNo comments : I am in the Kingdom of Animals , deep in the World of Disney . Tomorrow when I wake up , I hope to see giraffes from my balcony . I 've already seen zebra and some antelope . There are probably even more outside , but I am too tired to go explore for tonight . I am here to do the Expedition Everest - an event consisting of a 5k ( for which I have not trained ) , an obstacle course ( on which I plan to break a hip ) , and a scavenger hunt ( which should be ridiculous for me to complete ) . During last year 's race , the weather turned stormy , we got soaking wet , my camera died from drowning , and the race ended up being cancelled . But I got my medal , so all was good . Tomorrow morning I plan to sleep in , which means I will probably wake up at 5 am , unable to fall back asleep . I guess I could go to the fitness center in the spirit of boot camp , but we 'll just have to play that one by ear . Maybe if I get lost in the lion 's den . . . Anyhow , so there you have it . I am on vacation to wear myself out . Isn 't that what vacays are for ? __________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : Meeting with the windows guy , Jason , and Christian at Molly 's remodel ; safe , smooth flight ; chicken at Mara ; outlet shopping ( Linders needed a new outfit ) ; riding around with Steve Today Lindley and I ran a bunch of errands . We had a house key made at Home Depot , we picked up photos at Walgreens , we met Jason the carpenter at Molly 's house and picked out a shingle color for her roof , and we rented a storage shed for Molly 's doo - dads . It was a busy day , especially when you have to take naps , drink bottles , and eat pureed sweet potatoes . So , because I am worn out ( and still have to pack for a trip tomorrow after I meet with the window dude at Molly 's house ) , I thought I would just leave you with some useful information about : * used chewing gum * used dryer sheets * used milk jugsJust my way of saving the planet ! ! ( and going to bed ) ! ____________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : running errands with Lindley ; Jason the carpenter and beginning of remodel at Molly 's ; another moving excursion ; back to butt camp I 'm back from a fun weekend in New York City with family . We saw plays , we shopped , we ate , and we talked and laughed . It was great ! But it 's nice to be back home - well , for a little while , anyway . I 'll be out again this weekend , hopefully for a mini - vacation at " you know where . " More on that later . This is the third weekend in a row to be gone from home . Maybe because I 'm getting older , it 's just as nice to return home as to be going away on a trip . Which makes the whole " getting away " a little perplexing . Why go if it 's so great to come home ? I don 't know . I love going and doing , and I love coming home and doing nothing . I guess it 's not important to figure it out - it 's just important to enjoy where you are . For me , I 'm here now . At least until Wednesday , when I leave again ! _________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : brunch with the family in Rachel 's neighborhood ; seeing Rachel 's great apartment ; shopping and riding with subway with Molly ; safe , smooth flight ; sleeping in my own bed Which person does not belong ? Here 's a hint - it 's the person without the hat on her head . Sometimes as much as we want , we have to admit we 're out of place , or out of our league , or just out of it . For me , it was trying to heave my leg up onto the police barrier in Times Square along with the chicks promoting " Chicago . " But it doesn 't mean you can 't try . It doesn 't mean you can 't have hope . It doesn 't mean you can 't achieve something . I got my foot on the barrier . Perhaps not in the same style as those with the red leotards , but I got it up there . And some days , any effort is counted as success ! __________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : shopping with Molly ; " Next to Normal " and " A Little Night Music " with Marilyn , Rachel , Lucy , Molly , and David ; street fair snacks ; Juniors dinner and post - play desserts ; new Reeboks Today Molly and I flew to New York City to meet up with Marilyn , Lucy , Rachel , and David to celebrate David 's high school graduation . There will be lots of eating , shopping , walking , and play - going this weekend . Meanwhile , Steve is in Kansas with Maribeth , accompanying her for part of her trek to Yellowstone . They will part ways in Denver , where Steve will board a plane home and Maribeth will continue to her summer job . Two trips , celebrating new directions in life . A great way to start the summer ! _________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : Safe , smooth flight ; sloppy joe at Hamburger Heaven ; meeting up with David , then Lucy , then Marilyn , then Rachel ; meeting the Mississippi couple and grilled cheese sandwich at Roxy 's ; " Lend Me A Tenor Tonight Maribeth and I crammed her car full of stuff for her summer in Yellowstone . I didn 't ask what she was taking - I just helped her jam it in . She knew what she wanted to take , and hopefully she has everything she needs . Afterwards , I packed a few things for my weekend in New York City with Molly , my sister Marilyn and her daughters Rachel and Lucy , and my nephew David . We 're going there to celebrate David 's high school graduation . I packed the same way I usually do - put clothes in there that I think I will need and hope for the best . As hard as it seems sometimes to physically pack for a trip , it 's much easier than packing that emotional baggage . I wish I could pack up the junk I don 't need in my life - bad habits , an unbridled mouth , laziness ( you get the idea ) - and send them on a trip of no return . I wish I could just toss them in a suitcase and put them on a bus . But I can 't . It 's still there , waiting to show up . I just have to remember that even though I can 't pack it up and send it away , I don 't have to carry it around with me . Maybe I can just learn to let it sit there and gather dust . Maybe if it sits long enough , I 'll forget they were ever there to begin with . __________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : Shopping and packing with Maribeth ; picking up Lindley at day care and making videos ; Factory takeout with the family It 's been a busy day . Boot camp at 5 : 45 am followed by assorted house cleaning . Walked 2 miles in the neighborhood in noon day heat . Cleaned up to pick up Lindley at day care . Did other assorted things too mundane to mention . So , I thought it was time for a video vacation . Here 's one of my favorite places : __________________________________________________________________ Things that make today great : getting stuff done ; happy Lindley at day care The worst thing about Monday holidays is that I spend most of the following Tuesday trying to figure out what day it is . It 's sort of like Sunday because Monday seemed like Saturday . But it also seems sort of like Monday because Monday sort of felt like Sunday . I don 't know if it would be any easier if I had a job to go to - I would probably still be confused . It didn 't help that today was the first day of a new session of butt camp . I do not know how I can fall so far out of shape in the space of one week - well , it probably has to do with the lack of activity I do in that week off . Anyhow , today was one killer workout - and it was an easy first day ! ! It was hot , so I sweated and perspired and leaked water from my pores - every one of them . I considered not going - and I reconsidered my decision with every drop I sudated ( look it up - I found it on synonym . com ) from my person . Molly is sitting this one out , and it would appear that everyone in this boot camp session is physically fit . Even Karen , who has a bum foot , was lapping me as I wogged and she walked around the gym . Anyhow , I went , I attempted , and when it was over , I came home . Lindley came over for Babysitter 's Club , which should be even more confusing , because during June she will attend day care on Mondays , Wednesday , Thursday , and Friday . I will pick her up from day care on those days , so I may never know what day it is . The hvac dude came today for the spring tuneup of our ac systems . I had forgotten he was coming , because I didn 't bother to look at my calendar . Luckily , the lady who is supposed to call and tell me dude is on the way called to say that he was at my house , but he hadn 't called her to call me . I was not at home because I was on my way to Quodoba to pick up a nipple set for Lindley 's bottles - at four months she has still not learned to drink from a cup - slacker ! ! Anyhow , by the time lady called , I was on my way back and met dude who pronounced my systems AOK . I did keep the TV off all day - I had decided I needed to curtail my wasteful TNo comments :
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" I didn 't know what birth was about . I didn 't know I would regret having people there I didn 't trust . I didn 't know that I was allowed , as a woman , to be in control of myself . I needed my midwife to encourage me . Instead , I sat in triage with the woman I loathe most , being treated like a pansy by the nursing staff because I was only 2 cm even though I 'd been in active labor for ten hours . I thought I was dying . I felt alone in that hospital . I felt weak . I felt like a failure . I still do . Even as I write this , almost two years later , I feel that I failed my daughter . I wanted to have her at home . . . where she could see me first and feel safe . The hospital felt safer but I was wrong . " - Bri , San Diego CA " I was lying alone in the operating room without my husband . My arms flapped , hummingbird quick . I wanted to hug myself . They threatened to tie me down , so I kept my body in a crucifix . I cried . I vomited . I pleaded with the anesthesiologist to please wipe my mouth . He pretended not to see . Then , it was hours before I held my baby . " - Heather , Berkeley CA " Some places where I 've worked , it 's like an old boys ' club . They don 't seem to respect women 's bodies ; they don 't respect the process . They 're arrogant to the nurses . They don 't seem to practice by ACOG guidelines . . . I 've seen fundal pressure , like this , the fist in the stomach . They don 't treat women like human beings . And the nurses eventually start taking on that attitude as a matter of survival . That 's why I work in Berkeley now , because we tend to have more compassionate providers in this area . " - Elizabeth , Berkeley CA " So then after he yelled at me , he cut my vagina twelve times . Before the episiotomy , the nurse said it 's only going to be a little cut . A little cut turned into Dr . Abbassi 's horrific rage against me as a human being and against my will to begin with . I wanted to cry so badly and I was so horrified while he was cutting me . " - Kimberly , Reseda CA " After planning and educating myself for a natural birth for my entire pregnancy , at my 37 - week appointment , my OB did a vaginal exam . She roughly searched around for my cervix and when she couldn 't reach it , with her hand still inside me , she asked , " Has anyone said the ' C ' word to you yet " ? I left that appointment feeling that my body was broken . I had a failed induction that ended in a traumatic Cesarean which brought on severe postpartum depression and PTSD . In every aspect of my pregnancy , birth , and postpartum I was treated as a problem to be managed , not as a human being with my own desires . It set the stage for many years of struggle and suffering for me and my family . " - Jen , Denver CO " I 'm speaking out for so many plus - size women who have been mistreated during birth ; from being pushed into making decisions that aren 't evidence based to being told our vaginas are too fat to birth our babies . Enough is enough ! Shame is not an effective tool and we will not tolerate this bullying any longer . " - Jen , Denver CO " Imagine if the maternity care system in our country actually treated all women , regardless of age , race , ability , lifestyle choices , appearance or financial status , with respect and dignity . . . What if care providers validated our emotions and feelings during one of the vulnerable times in our lives ? What different stories we would have to tell . . . At the age of 19 and without a partner by my side , I didn 't have the strength or knowledge to know I had choices . I felt weak and fearful . The hospital staff - including the female doctor who had given birth herself just two months prior - did not give me a chance . They backed me into a corner and used the fears I had expressed to manipulate me into agreeing to their unnecessary interventions . Eight years later , I still do not feel like I consented at all - and to this day , the negative , traumatic effects linger . " - Laney , Denver CO " I left the hospital with a beautiful baby , but at what cost ? It felt like they cut my body in half and robbed me of all my hopes and dreams of that experience . For the first four months post - partum , I could not talk about her birth without bursting into tears . " - Nicole , Denver CO " Most women are unaware that significant injuries related to birth and birth interventions can and do happen . Often these outcomes are unexpected by both physician and patient . In my case , I was given an epidural for which I refused as the procedure was being performed . My time at the hospital was exceptionally traumatizing as I had an unconsented episiotomy for which the obstetrician mocked me about whether I could feel what he was doing or not . My case illustrates how refusal of prior consent related to birth procedures is abused . Specifically , how coercion and bullying by ' well - intentioned ' birth professionals persist and the potential detriment for both mother and child . " - Richelle , Denver CO " For a long time after his birth , I always referred to his birthday as ' the day he was born , ' rather than , ' when I gave birth to him . ' I know for some people this isn 't that big of a difference , but for me , the language difference is was major . I just didn 't feel that I birthed him , I didn 't even hear his first cry , and I certainly didn 't get him out on my own . " - Pamela , Boulder CO " I wanted a natural birth ; I wanted my baby to have the most gentle entrance into the world . I didn 't know what I was up against to give us both that experience . I felt like we were both broken after his birth . " - Nicole , Columbus OH " I could feel the scalpel as it cut through me . Starting from my right hip bone , going all the way across to my left . The pain was enormous . I could feel my insides being brought outside of my body . It was horrifying . And the pain . . . was just unbearable . . . I tried to tell them I was hurting , but they didn 't believe me . I went inside myself as much as I could in an attempt to escape it . I knew if I voiced my pain too loudly , I would be silenced by being put to sleep . And in my head I was screaming for them to do exactly that , but I knew if I did I wouldn 't be able to see or hold my daughter right away . I knew I had to get through this for her . I had to stay awake . . . " - Sarah , Harrisburg , PA " I just wanted my body to do what it was supposed to do . I felt like I had no choice . I was powerless . " - Sarah , Pittsburgh PA " I 've thought about filing a complaint , or . . . Oh , my God , if I saw her , I would . . . I 've never had this kind of anger for anyone in my life . She took away my ability to be a mother . For a while . When I had the postpartum depression , I couldn 't make the muscles in my face move to smile at my son . That was the weirdest feeling in the world , being like , okay , he 's smiling at me , I can fake this ! And I couldn 't . " - Sara , Baltimore , MD " Birth makes you vulnerable . When you 've faced abuse in the past , that vulnerability can quickly turn to terror . As a survivor of sexual violence , I knew there was a risk of getting triggered during delivery . I tried to be proactive and advocate for my needs but was largely ignored . When I was ready to push , I was forced to lie on my back with my legs facing the door . After fighting a strong urge to push for over half an hour , the male doctor strutted in the room , his sports coat slung over his shoulder . When he approached me , he reeked of cigarettes and asked me ' So , you ready to have a baby ? ' in a tone reminiscent of a pick - up line . After my baby boy was born , they whisked him away unnecessarily and I was left alone , exposed and on my back , with the male doctor between my legs stitching me up . My past sexual trauma was triggered and that was the beginning of a downward spiral into a deep and severe depression that I believe could have been avoided . " - Andrea , Richmond VA " My thoughts are from my heart for all mommas and their babies . They are deep and hard to summarize ; however , my intention is to forgive the man , Dr . David Binder and his Associates of Mellinium Obstretric Group , and all of those involved in the birth of my beautiful strong daughter , Emma Danielle . I was trying to stand up to listen to my body to aid me in a pharmacological - free birthing experience and now I 'm standing up to ' expose the silence ' because my body told me to do so . Stand with me . " - Gina , Philadelphia , PA " I feel like people aren 't open enough about pregnancy or realistic about what can happen . But it 's nothing that you can 't handle . We should embrace the strength we have within us and honor what we are capable of as women . " - Brittany , Richmond VA " I may not understand why my son 's bladder , heart , kidneys and lungs were destined to fail or how the doctors failed to even attempt to prevent my emergency c - section at 27 weeks when I , an already high - risk patient , called the office the day before my twins were born with clear signs of pre - term labor . But , I do know that I had already held my dead son in my arms when all I could see looking at his 2 lb . 10 oz . twin brother in the NICU incubator was LIFE . God had allowed Asher Gabriel to live long enough to save his twin brother 's life making him a true angel . " - Kathryn , Pittsburgh PA " What I struggle with the most isn 't that he was born surgically . What bothers me the most is that I wasn 't his first friend ; I didn 't get to hold him . . . I still can 't take it - - knowing that as he was lying there crying for me , I was down the hall crying for him . I felt like the whole world was keeping us apart . " - Heather , Baltimore MD " I was screaming ' Stop ! ' but she kept going . I felt so small . I didn 't feel like I had the strength to make her stop . I realized then my body wasn 't mine anymore . Once I checked in , it was theirs . " - Brigid , Pittsburgh PA " I just remember I had no feelings . I was completely numb . I had no feelings . No connection , no bond to my baby . Nothing . It was like she wasn 't mine . It was just a baby . I knew she was mine , that she came out of me , but I didn 't feel it . I didn 't have that connection . I 've never experienced anything like it in my life . Every time she would cry , it would tear me up . I would burst into tears . I was certain that everything was wrong , the way she got here was wrong . The mother that I was being was wrong . And for the first year , maybe even a year and a half , I went through life pretty much convinced she would be better off without me or with somebody else . And I still try to overcome that . Nobody is taking her away from me . " - Jessica , Harrisburg PA " We can 't talk about it , because it 's women who write other women off . It 's the female friends and the sisters - in - law that say , ' it doesn 't matter . ' And then the more you talk about it , you realize it DOES matter to them . They 've never had a place to talk about it or tell their stories . You can see the pain and the terror in their eyes when they do talk about it , even years later . You can see it on their faces . You 're supposed to enjoy every moment of it - you 're not supposed to be traumatized by it . And don 't ask for help . . . . because ' good ' mothers don 't need help ! So plaster a smile on your face . . . " - Leah , Baltimore MD " The c - section , our injuries , her NICU stay , the separation , the pain ; all of this could have been avoided . It didn 't have to happen , but I didn 't know the magic words that would get them to listen to me . I didn 't know I had options , I didn 't know their routines or protocol or how things work in the NICU . I really started to feel ' off , ' like I wasn 't really her mother because I hadn 't been allowed to be . I had walked into that birth center in labor , happier than I 'd ever been . I hobbled out of a hospital and back to another , with a sense of defeat and emptiness instead of a healthy baby . I 'd failed both of us , and we were both suffering because of it . " - Megan , Baltimore MD " I was 10cm dilated , unmedicated , and pushing . My labor had been attended by a midwife and my son and I were tolerating labor beautifully . Then Dr . Rezvina came in for the first time all day and demanded that I be strapped to the monitors . She checked my cervix without my consent and asked how long it had taken me to push out my first baby . When she learned it was two hours , she told me I was having a c - section . She refused to discuss any other options , refused me an epidural and refused to let me get a second opinion . She said if I did not consent , then I did not care if my baby died and ' legal people ' would make me consent . I was not given a medical reason for the surgery , but my son was healthy . In the OR , she told me I was too ' opinionated ' . In her office months later , she said she was ' willing to sacrifice the opinions ' of her patients . " - Lindsay , Somers Point NJ " It was so miserable ; I was a complete outsider . The thing that is supposed to be the greatest day of your life , it 's just another day on the job for these people . I was surprised at how mundane and routine everything was , and how little respect they gave the staff in terms of being able to use their own judgment . . . . like McDonald 's , sacrificing quality in pursuit of consistency , even though every woman 's experience is different . They yelled at me for everything . They never told me what I wasn 't supposed to do , but then they yelled at me after I did it . Chastising me - ' Look at what you did ! Now I have to clean it up - you messed it up . ' " - Christel , New Jersey " I don 't even remember the first two weeks of his life . . . just going through the motions . . . leaving the hospital and thinking , ' How can I take care of a newborn , when I can 't even stand up without assistance ? ' Imagine you 're drowning and someone hands you a baby - that 's how it was . I could barely take care of myself and I had to take care of a baby . " - Katie , Baltimore , MD " When you 're in such a vulnerable state and you have no control and no power , it can leave you just fine or it can leave you at the other end of the spectrum . I wish they could understand how every single word and action - or inaction - makes a difference . It 's someone 's body , baby , life , and it all needs to matter . You 've left a scar on my family forever . " - Meghan , New Jersey " Had I known while pregnant with my own children the realities versus myths about the life changing journey that not only I was walking , but one my husband and my son were also walking - - and had Dr . Tatiana Andrews valued me as a woman , capable and willing in making healthy choices for myself and my child , versus scaring me and forcing me down a path my body and baby were not ready for - - my family would have had a different introduction to the world ! That was taken from me and it didn 't have to be ! It is vital that all women hear AND believe , with every fiber of their being , that they are beautifully designed to bring their child into the world safely , with complete strength and power that they already posses . " - Renee P , New York , NY " At that moment , it was the first in a series of steps where I felt like my choices were taken from me . I felt so vulnerable at that time . It 's the most important thing you 're going to do . . . I created this life and then I 'm putting it in the hands of other people . " - Renee S , New York City " Being a nurse myself , I trusted the doctor and her opinions on what needed done . Within an hour of my arrival at the hospital , she turned my calm and beautiful labor into a chaotic disaster because of her unnecessary interventions . She later boasted that she ruined my birth but at least my incision was pretty . " - Brittany D , Wheeling WV " The attitude of the doctor that fixed me up was that of a judge giving me my life sentence as I woke up from anesthesia . This was followed by days of being treated like a child , a specimen , and finding that my ' no ' didn 't mean a thing in the hospital , and that my needs were an inconvenience . In one of two traumatic postpartum ER visits , I was even mocked after waking up from anesthesia . I didn 't understand what had happened to me for four weeks , until a specialist I was seeing for my healing described things in detail . I felt a strange comfort in finally understanding the mash - up of poorly stitched flesh that was my womanhood , as well as horror in the same breath at hearing the words ' You almost died ' . . . I 'm still getting over it . " - Elizabeth , Richmond VA " The system is broken . I wasn 't treated with respect by medical professionals and my decisions regarding my own healthcare were ignored and trivialized . For a healthy mom with a healthy pregnancy , natural child birth should be encouraged . . . not mocked and discouraged . " - Angela , Richmond , VA " I asked what 's going on . She tells me she 's just going to ' strip my membranes a little . ' I said , ' No ! Why ? ' She says , ' Oh , you can 't be scared , you 've already had a baby before . It won 't even hurt . ' I said , ' I 'm not scared , I just don 't want it . ' She says , ' Okay , if you really don 't want me to , I won 't do it then . ' So then she starts doing the cervical check and she looks up at me , right in my eyes , and she says . . . ' I LIED . ' " - Lauren , Pittsburgh PA " He actively pushed my leg to the side and stuck the thing in me . That was the most traumatizing thing - I had just said ' no ' and he did it anyway . He said , ' just stay still ! ' I was crying and I really didn 't want it . I was about to change my mind and she pushed me down . I just cried into the pillow . I felt so defeated and I felt like I knew what was coming and I had no control over something that was supposed to be all about me . And It 's almost like we 're not allowed to talk about it . Because you didn 't die and your baby didn 't die , you should just be happy . As if I should think , ' thank goodness for that doctor who was able to perform the [ unnecessary ] C section . ' That 's like if someone pushes you down the stairs and then catches you . . . . are you still happy they caught you ? " - Samantha , New Jersey " One heartbreaking part of doula work is that we are too often helping our clients fight for their basic human rights to be respected . Witnessing the physical and verbal abuse some of my clients have endured has completely changed me . There is no question now that I am a doula AND a birth and human rights advocate . They are one and the same . " - Jami , Wheeling , WV " They took him to the warming table . Then , they wrapped him up in a blanket and they gave him to my husband . The guilt I feel over not being able to comfort and bond with my son immediately after he was born affects me even to this day . I spent the first few weeks of his life crying every time I looked at him , feeling like I had let him down . I attribute that to being DENIED my son following his traumatizing birth . Their reason for not giving him to me was because they were " working on me " . . . code for manually removing my placenta after I had already been sewn up . I remember my mother asking the midwife if they could give my son to me so I could put him to the breast and allow the nipple stimulation to help my body expel the placenta on its own . The midwife responded ' no ' saying ' there wasn 't enough time ' , even though it had only been about 15 minutes . I still , to this day , don 't understand why they didn 't give him to me . " - Liza , New York City " I thought they knew what was best for me . . . but they didn 't . Babies matter , but so do mothers ; and so does the ' birth ' of the mother . It 's not just about surviving and ' being happy that the baby is healthy and alive ' . How a baby enters this world determines the path the mother will take , the life she will live , the relationship she will have with her children . They birthed my child for me while I was so sedated I was barely conscious . I missed my daughter 's first hours of life because I was too out of it to even keep my eyes open . They robbed me of what could have been the most precious time of my life and left me both mentally and physically scarred , reliving the pain every time I closed my eyes or had a moment to think for several months after . Some moments I still cannot think about without bursting in tears ! My physical scars still remind me every so often of the OB 's need for ' convenience ' . Unnecessary interventions are like a stack of dominoes . . . they will all inevitably fall down . " - Zuzana , Yuma , AZ " Even when their births don 't go exactly according to plan , the women I work with as a doula and Childbirth Educator are consistently happier about their birth experiences when they feel respected and supported by their birth team . Those of us who surround women in birth should remember that birth doesn 't happen in a vacuum . The way we treat and respect women in pregnancy , birth , and early motherhood affects both mothers and their families in the long term . Trauma around birth overwhelmingly stems from how women are treated , not how the birth actually goes . Perhaps if we stopped thinking of maternity care as merely a ' women 's issue ' and more as a foundation for healthy families , we might treat pregnancy and birth care with the gravity they demand . " - Emily , New York , NY " A year after my postpartum hemorrhage , I had a miscarriage in public at a frozen yogurt shop . The humiliation didn 't end there . At the ER , while waiting for my regular doctor to arrive , the attending ER physician walks in . I 'm covered in blood from my waist to my feet . He grabs a stick and says to me , ' Spread your legs ' . The look of disgust on his face . . . I don 't think I 've ever seen a look like that on a human being 's face . . . like I was the most disgusting thing he had ever seen in his life and he didn 't want to touch me . It was so degrading . " - Timoria , New Jersey " Waking up on life support in the ICU less than 12 hours after delivering my daughter was never something I expected . I was in and out of consciousness that night piecing together what had happened and trying to manage my pain . Women are often told the risks of a [ vaginal birth after Cesarean ] , but I don 't believe I fully understood the risks of a repeat C - section . I simply didn 't realize this could happen to me . Coming to terms with the trauma of a massive postpartum hemorrhage and lifesaving emergency hysterectomy has been challenging , but I share my story because I want women to know they are not alone and that they don 't have to live in isolation . I am extremely grateful for my medical care team and I want those in the medical profession to know that an ounce of compassion goes a lot farther than anyone realizes . " - Marianne , North Carolina " I was , like , the eighth person to hold my baby . That was the most traumatic part for me . What the heck just happened and why did everyone else get to hold her before me ? I had to watch this young nurse washing her with my husband . . . I was just lying there . Watching . " - Meredith , Harrisburg , PA " ' Do you understand you are doing this without my consent ? ' As they are putting needles into my arm , I 'm telling them ' You are doing this against my will . ' Their response , even as my strong contractions grew faster and I was in active labor was , ' I can 't wait all night and we are doing this now . ' Less than an hour later , he was born , taken from me before I could hold him longer than a minute or two and not returned until almost three hours later even though he had no complications . I cried every minute and couldn 't stop thinking ' this isn 't supposed to be like this . ' " - Erika , New York City " I begged the nurse for help , letting her know that my body was pushing and I couldn 't stop it . I was twenty - eight hours into labor and unmedicated . She told me I couldn 't possibly be ready [ to push ] because I was a first time mom . I repeatedly asked her to check me or get the midwife . Instead , she paced around my bed insisting I wasn 't ready and refused to check me or get help . When my mom tried to check me , the nurse physically closed my legs and said " she not ready . I been nurse longer than she been alive , I know when they ready . She not ready . " I fought my body 's urge to deliver my child for a solid 50 minutes . I was later diagnosed with postpartum PTSD and endured a painful , 11 month physical recovery because of the choices made by my abusive and dismissive nurse . " - Leslie , Los Angeles CA " The one emotion that was consistent during my daughter 's birth , almost 13 years ago , was shame - shame for not birthing her vaginally , shame for not being able to breastfeed her , shame for not feeling a connection to her right away . The nursing staff in particular reaffirmed this emotion over and over again , one nurse even saying to me as she wheeled me to my recovery room after my Cesarean , ' you know you 're too young to have a baby . . . ' And I believed them . " - Kim , Riverside CA " My birth experience could have been far less traumatic if the hospital staff would have listened to me and trusted that I know when something is not right with my body . I told the nurse repeatedly in the hours after my son was born that something was not right . The nurse dismissively said , " oh , it 's just the Pitocin " , shrugging my concern off as if I was just an oversensitive patient . At the very least they could have provided me with after care with actual " care " about what happened to me . I honestly don 't think the nurses in the recovery room knew the experience I had been through . Once I was in recovery , I felt like a piece of meat on a conveyor belt shuffled from one room to another until I was out of the door and out of their hair . " - Staci , San Diego CA " It hurts so much to know what you are losing while you are losing it . . . that birth you fought so hard for . After legally resisting a court - ordered Cesarean during pregnancy ( based solely on the fact that I was carrying twins ) , at 37 weeks I arrived at the hospital by ambulance with a placental detachment . Alone in triage , the doctor smugly said to me , " Oh , look who is here to get the Cesarean we all told her she would need anyway . . . " That comment was like a sledgehammer to my heart . When you fight for women 's birthing rights and work so hard to bring these issues to light in order to change them , it is incredibly damaging to consciously lose the birth you just knew you would have . . . and planned to have . Add to that the condescending comments and disrespectful treatment by the doctors and nurses before , during and after my surgery . . . yes , I left with two healthy boys . . . but completely traumatized . " - Tracee , Yuma AZ " After a gut wrenching birth center experience with my first child , I constructed a different birth plan for my second . The healing sequel I hoped for went terribly wrong . Primary providers were unwilling to address my profound pain and debilitating sense of shock , much less apologize for their roles in complicating my birth . The importance of listening , truly hearing what mothers are saying and really understanding the emotion behind their words , is not being taught . It 's infuriating when you leverage all the options and resources out there , and still get a negative outcome . It 's also frustrating to spend all the money to process and heal and find validation , but not feel differently . I 'm paying to run on a treadmill . " - Amy , San Antonio , TX " I started off motherhood feeling like a failure . I thought it was normal to cry for an hour in the shower every day going over every detail of her birth . I was ignored during [ my ] surgery as I shook uncontrollably while my anesthesiologist complained about his iPhone and my OB complained that he was missing a T - Ball game . At my six week follow - up appointment , my doctor said I was " lucky " I had a Cesarean or he would have had to " cut me from end to end " . It was the first time I realized all my options had been taken away before I was even given any . After seeking help I realized I wasn 't alone . I 'm speaking out for those who can 't or won 't . You 're not alone . " - Jesse , Phoenix AZ
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" I didn 't know what birth was about . I didn 't know I would regret having people there I didn 't trust . I didn 't know that I was allowed , as a woman , to be in control of myself . I needed my midwife to encourage me . Instead , I sat in triage with the woman I loathe most , being treated like a pansy by the nursing staff because I was only 2 cm even though I 'd been in active labor for ten hours . I thought I was dying . I felt alone in that hospital . I felt weak . I felt like a failure . I still do . Even as I write this , almost two years later , I feel that I failed my daughter . I wanted to have her at home . . . where she could see me first and feel safe . The hospital felt safer but I was wrong . " - Bri , San Diego CA " I was lying alone in the operating room without my husband . My arms flapped , hummingbird quick . I wanted to hug myself . They threatened to tie me down , so I kept my body in a crucifix . I cried . I vomited . I pleaded with the anesthesiologist to please wipe my mouth . He pretended not to see . Then , it was hours before I held my baby . " - Heather , Berkeley CA " Some places where I 've worked , it 's like an old boys ' club . They don 't seem to respect women 's bodies ; they don 't respect the process . They 're arrogant to the nurses . They don 't seem to practice by ACOG guidelines . . . I 've seen fundal pressure , like this , the fist in the stomach . They don 't treat women like human beings . And the nurses eventually start taking on that attitude as a matter of survival . That 's why I work in Berkeley now , because we tend to have more compassionate providers in this area . " - Elizabeth , Berkeley CA " So then after he yelled at me , he cut my vagina twelve times . Before the episiotomy , the nurse said it 's only going to be a little cut . A little cut turned into Dr . Abbassi 's horrific rage against me as a human being and against my will to begin with . I wanted to cry so badly and I was so horrified while he was cutting me . " - Kimberly , Reseda CA " After planning and educating myself for a natural birth for my entire pregnancy , at my 37 - week appointment , my OB did a vaginal exam . She roughly searched around for my cervix and when she couldn 't reach it , with her hand still inside me , she asked , " Has anyone said the ' C ' word to you yet " ? I left that appointment feeling that my body was broken . I had a failed induction that ended in a traumatic Cesarean which brought on severe postpartum depression and PTSD . In every aspect of my pregnancy , birth , and postpartum I was treated as a problem to be managed , not as a human being with my own desires . It set the stage for many years of struggle and suffering for me and my family . " - Jen , Denver CO " I 'm speaking out for so many plus - size women who have been mistreated during birth ; from being pushed into making decisions that aren 't evidence based to being told our vaginas are too fat to birth our babies . Enough is enough ! Shame is not an effective tool and we will not tolerate this bullying any longer . " - Jen , Denver CO " Imagine if the maternity care system in our country actually treated all women , regardless of age , race , ability , lifestyle choices , appearance or financial status , with respect and dignity . . . What if care providers validated our emotions and feelings during one of the vulnerable times in our lives ? What different stories we would have to tell . . . At the age of 19 and without a partner by my side , I didn 't have the strength or knowledge to know I had choices . I felt weak and fearful . The hospital staff - including the female doctor who had given birth herself just two months prior - did not give me a chance . They backed me into a corner and used the fears I had expressed to manipulate me into agreeing to their unnecessary interventions . Eight years later , I still do not feel like I consented at all - and to this day , the negative , traumatic effects linger . " - Laney , Denver CO " I left the hospital with a beautiful baby , but at what cost ? It felt like they cut my body in half and robbed me of all my hopes and dreams of that experience . For the first four months post - partum , I could not talk about her birth without bursting into tears . " - Nicole , Denver CO " Most women are unaware that significant injuries related to birth and birth interventions can and do happen . Often these outcomes are unexpected by both physician and patient . In my case , I was given an epidural for which I refused as the procedure was being performed . My time at the hospital was exceptionally traumatizing as I had an unconsented episiotomy for which the obstetrician mocked me about whether I could feel what he was doing or not . My case illustrates how refusal of prior consent related to birth procedures is abused . Specifically , how coercion and bullying by ' well - intentioned ' birth professionals persist and the potential detriment for both mother and child . " - Richelle , Denver CO " For a long time after his birth , I always referred to his birthday as ' the day he was born , ' rather than , ' when I gave birth to him . ' I know for some people this isn 't that big of a difference , but for me , the language difference is was major . I just didn 't feel that I birthed him , I didn 't even hear his first cry , and I certainly didn 't get him out on my own . " - Pamela , Boulder CO " I wanted a natural birth ; I wanted my baby to have the most gentle entrance into the world . I didn 't know what I was up against to give us both that experience . I felt like we were both broken after his birth . " - Nicole , Columbus OH " I could feel the scalpel as it cut through me . Starting from my right hip bone , going all the way across to my left . The pain was enormous . I could feel my insides being brought outside of my body . It was horrifying . And the pain . . . was just unbearable . . . I tried to tell them I was hurting , but they didn 't believe me . I went inside myself as much as I could in an attempt to escape it . I knew if I voiced my pain too loudly , I would be silenced by being put to sleep . And in my head I was screaming for them to do exactly that , but I knew if I did I wouldn 't be able to see or hold my daughter right away . I knew I had to get through this for her . I had to stay awake . . . " - Sarah , Harrisburg , PA " I just wanted my body to do what it was supposed to do . I felt like I had no choice . I was powerless . " - Sarah , Pittsburgh PA " I 've thought about filing a complaint , or . . . Oh , my God , if I saw her , I would . . . I 've never had this kind of anger for anyone in my life . She took away my ability to be a mother . For a while . When I had the postpartum depression , I couldn 't make the muscles in my face move to smile at my son . That was the weirdest feeling in the world , being like , okay , he 's smiling at me , I can fake this ! And I couldn 't . " - Sara , Baltimore , MD " Birth makes you vulnerable . When you 've faced abuse in the past , that vulnerability can quickly turn to terror . As a survivor of sexual violence , I knew there was a risk of getting triggered during delivery . I tried to be proactive and advocate for my needs but was largely ignored . When I was ready to push , I was forced to lie on my back with my legs facing the door . After fighting a strong urge to push for over half an hour , the male doctor strutted in the room , his sports coat slung over his shoulder . When he approached me , he reeked of cigarettes and asked me ' So , you ready to have a baby ? ' in a tone reminiscent of a pick - up line . After my baby boy was born , they whisked him away unnecessarily and I was left alone , exposed and on my back , with the male doctor between my legs stitching me up . My past sexual trauma was triggered and that was the beginning of a downward spiral into a deep and severe depression that I believe could have been avoided . " - Andrea , Richmond VA " My thoughts are from my heart for all mommas and their babies . They are deep and hard to summarize ; however , my intention is to forgive the man , Dr . David Binder and his Associates of Mellinium Obstretric Group , and all of those involved in the birth of my beautiful strong daughter , Emma Danielle . I was trying to stand up to listen to my body to aid me in a pharmacological - free birthing experience and now I 'm standing up to ' expose the silence ' because my body told me to do so . Stand with me . " - Gina , Philadelphia , PA " I feel like people aren 't open enough about pregnancy or realistic about what can happen . But it 's nothing that you can 't handle . We should embrace the strength we have within us and honor what we are capable of as women . " - Brittany , Richmond VA " I may not understand why my son 's bladder , heart , kidneys and lungs were destined to fail or how the doctors failed to even attempt to prevent my emergency c - section at 27 weeks when I , an already high - risk patient , called the office the day before my twins were born with clear signs of pre - term labor . But , I do know that I had already held my dead son in my arms when all I could see looking at his 2 lb . 10 oz . twin brother in the NICU incubator was LIFE . God had allowed Asher Gabriel to live long enough to save his twin brother 's life making him a true angel . " - Kathryn , Pittsburgh PA " What I struggle with the most isn 't that he was born surgically . What bothers me the most is that I wasn 't his first friend ; I didn 't get to hold him . . . I still can 't take it - - knowing that as he was lying there crying for me , I was down the hall crying for him . I felt like the whole world was keeping us apart . " - Heather , Baltimore MD " I was screaming ' Stop ! ' but she kept going . I felt so small . I didn 't feel like I had the strength to make her stop . I realized then my body wasn 't mine anymore . Once I checked in , it was theirs . " - Brigid , Pittsburgh PA " I just remember I had no feelings . I was completely numb . I had no feelings . No connection , no bond to my baby . Nothing . It was like she wasn 't mine . It was just a baby . I knew she was mine , that she came out of me , but I didn 't feel it . I didn 't have that connection . I 've never experienced anything like it in my life . Every time she would cry , it would tear me up . I would burst into tears . I was certain that everything was wrong , the way she got here was wrong . The mother that I was being was wrong . And for the first year , maybe even a year and a half , I went through life pretty much convinced she would be better off without me or with somebody else . And I still try to overcome that . Nobody is taking her away from me . " - Jessica , Harrisburg PA " We can 't talk about it , because it 's women who write other women off . It 's the female friends and the sisters - in - law that say , ' it doesn 't matter . ' And then the more you talk about it , you realize it DOES matter to them . They 've never had a place to talk about it or tell their stories . You can see the pain and the terror in their eyes when they do talk about it , even years later . You can see it on their faces . You 're supposed to enjoy every moment of it - you 're not supposed to be traumatized by it . And don 't ask for help . . . . because ' good ' mothers don 't need help ! So plaster a smile on your face . . . " - Leah , Baltimore MD " The c - section , our injuries , her NICU stay , the separation , the pain ; all of this could have been avoided . It didn 't have to happen , but I didn 't know the magic words that would get them to listen to me . I didn 't know I had options , I didn 't know their routines or protocol or how things work in the NICU . I really started to feel ' off , ' like I wasn 't really her mother because I hadn 't been allowed to be . I had walked into that birth center in labor , happier than I 'd ever been . I hobbled out of a hospital and back to another , with a sense of defeat and emptiness instead of a healthy baby . I 'd failed both of us , and we were both suffering because of it . " - Megan , Baltimore MD " I was 10cm dilated , unmedicated , and pushing . My labor had been attended by a midwife and my son and I were tolerating labor beautifully . Then Dr . Rezvina came in for the first time all day and demanded that I be strapped to the monitors . She checked my cervix without my consent and asked how long it had taken me to push out my first baby . When she learned it was two hours , she told me I was having a c - section . She refused to discuss any other options , refused me an epidural and refused to let me get a second opinion . She said if I did not consent , then I did not care if my baby died and ' legal people ' would make me consent . I was not given a medical reason for the surgery , but my son was healthy . In the OR , she told me I was too ' opinionated ' . In her office months later , she said she was ' willing to sacrifice the opinions ' of her patients . " - Lindsay , Somers Point NJ " It was so miserable ; I was a complete outsider . The thing that is supposed to be the greatest day of your life , it 's just another day on the job for these people . I was surprised at how mundane and routine everything was , and how little respect they gave the staff in terms of being able to use their own judgment . . . . like McDonald 's , sacrificing quality in pursuit of consistency , even though every woman 's experience is different . They yelled at me for everything . They never told me what I wasn 't supposed to do , but then they yelled at me after I did it . Chastising me - ' Look at what you did ! Now I have to clean it up - you messed it up . ' " - Christel , New Jersey " I don 't even remember the first two weeks of his life . . . just going through the motions . . . leaving the hospital and thinking , ' How can I take care of a newborn , when I can 't even stand up without assistance ? ' Imagine you 're drowning and someone hands you a baby - that 's how it was . I could barely take care of myself and I had to take care of a baby . " - Katie , Baltimore , MD " When you 're in such a vulnerable state and you have no control and no power , it can leave you just fine or it can leave you at the other end of the spectrum . I wish they could understand how every single word and action - or inaction - makes a difference . It 's someone 's body , baby , life , and it all needs to matter . You 've left a scar on my family forever . " - Meghan , New Jersey " Had I known while pregnant with my own children the realities versus myths about the life changing journey that not only I was walking , but one my husband and my son were also walking - - and had Dr . Tatiana Andrews valued me as a woman , capable and willing in making healthy choices for myself and my child , versus scaring me and forcing me down a path my body and baby were not ready for - - my family would have had a different introduction to the world ! That was taken from me and it didn 't have to be ! It is vital that all women hear AND believe , with every fiber of their being , that they are beautifully designed to bring their child into the world safely , with complete strength and power that they already posses . " - Renee P , New York , NY " At that moment , it was the first in a series of steps where I felt like my choices were taken from me . I felt so vulnerable at that time . It 's the most important thing you 're going to do . . . I created this life and then I 'm putting it in the hands of other people . " - Renee S , New York City " Being a nurse myself , I trusted the doctor and her opinions on what needed done . Within an hour of my arrival at the hospital , she turned my calm and beautiful labor into a chaotic disaster because of her unnecessary interventions . She later boasted that she ruined my birth but at least my incision was pretty . " - Brittany D , Wheeling WV " The attitude of the doctor that fixed me up was that of a judge giving me my life sentence as I woke up from anesthesia . This was followed by days of being treated like a child , a specimen , and finding that my ' no ' didn 't mean a thing in the hospital , and that my needs were an inconvenience . In one of two traumatic postpartum ER visits , I was even mocked after waking up from anesthesia . I didn 't understand what had happened to me for four weeks , until a specialist I was seeing for my healing described things in detail . I felt a strange comfort in finally understanding the mash - up of poorly stitched flesh that was my womanhood , as well as horror in the same breath at hearing the words ' You almost died ' . . . I 'm still getting over it . " - Elizabeth , Richmond VA " The system is broken . I wasn 't treated with respect by medical professionals and my decisions regarding my own healthcare were ignored and trivialized . For a healthy mom with a healthy pregnancy , natural child birth should be encouraged . . . not mocked and discouraged . " - Angela , Richmond , VA " I asked what 's going on . She tells me she 's just going to ' strip my membranes a little . ' I said , ' No ! Why ? ' She says , ' Oh , you can 't be scared , you 've already had a baby before . It won 't even hurt . ' I said , ' I 'm not scared , I just don 't want it . ' She says , ' Okay , if you really don 't want me to , I won 't do it then . ' So then she starts doing the cervical check and she looks up at me , right in my eyes , and she says . . . ' I LIED . ' " - Lauren , Pittsburgh PA " He actively pushed my leg to the side and stuck the thing in me . That was the most traumatizing thing - I had just said ' no ' and he did it anyway . He said , ' just stay still ! ' I was crying and I really didn 't want it . I was about to change my mind and she pushed me down . I just cried into the pillow . I felt so defeated and I felt like I knew what was coming and I had no control over something that was supposed to be all about me . And It 's almost like we 're not allowed to talk about it . Because you didn 't die and your baby didn 't die , you should just be happy . As if I should think , ' thank goodness for that doctor who was able to perform the [ unnecessary ] C section . ' That 's like if someone pushes you down the stairs and then catches you . . . . are you still happy they caught you ? " - Samantha , New Jersey " One heartbreaking part of doula work is that we are too often helping our clients fight for their basic human rights to be respected . Witnessing the physical and verbal abuse some of my clients have endured has completely changed me . There is no question now that I am a doula AND a birth and human rights advocate . They are one and the same . " - Jami , Wheeling , WV " They took him to the warming table . Then , they wrapped him up in a blanket and they gave him to my husband . The guilt I feel over not being able to comfort and bond with my son immediately after he was born affects me even to this day . I spent the first few weeks of his life crying every time I looked at him , feeling like I had let him down . I attribute that to being DENIED my son following his traumatizing birth . Their reason for not giving him to me was because they were " working on me " . . . code for manually removing my placenta after I had already been sewn up . I remember my mother asking the midwife if they could give my son to me so I could put him to the breast and allow the nipple stimulation to help my body expel the placenta on its own . The midwife responded ' no ' saying ' there wasn 't enough time ' , even though it had only been about 15 minutes . I still , to this day , don 't understand why they didn 't give him to me . " - Liza , New York City " I thought they knew what was best for me . . . but they didn 't . Babies matter , but so do mothers ; and so does the ' birth ' of the mother . It 's not just about surviving and ' being happy that the baby is healthy and alive ' . How a baby enters this world determines the path the mother will take , the life she will live , the relationship she will have with her children . They birthed my child for me while I was so sedated I was barely conscious . I missed my daughter 's first hours of life because I was too out of it to even keep my eyes open . They robbed me of what could have been the most precious time of my life and left me both mentally and physically scarred , reliving the pain every time I closed my eyes or had a moment to think for several months after . Some moments I still cannot think about without bursting in tears ! My physical scars still remind me every so often of the OB 's need for ' convenience ' . Unnecessary interventions are like a stack of dominoes . . . they will all inevitably fall down . " - Zuzana , Yuma , AZ " Even when their births don 't go exactly according to plan , the women I work with as a doula and Childbirth Educator are consistently happier about their birth experiences when they feel respected and supported by their birth team . Those of us who surround women in birth should remember that birth doesn 't happen in a vacuum . The way we treat and respect women in pregnancy , birth , and early motherhood affects both mothers and their families in the long term . Trauma around birth overwhelmingly stems from how women are treated , not how the birth actually goes . Perhaps if we stopped thinking of maternity care as merely a ' women 's issue ' and more as a foundation for healthy families , we might treat pregnancy and birth care with the gravity they demand . " - Emily , New York , NY " A year after my postpartum hemorrhage , I had a miscarriage in public at a frozen yogurt shop . The humiliation didn 't end there . At the ER , while waiting for my regular doctor to arrive , the attending ER physician walks in . I 'm covered in blood from my waist to my feet . He grabs a stick and says to me , ' Spread your legs ' . The look of disgust on his face . . . I don 't think I 've ever seen a look like that on a human being 's face . . . like I was the most disgusting thing he had ever seen in his life and he didn 't want to touch me . It was so degrading . " - Timoria , New Jersey " Waking up on life support in the ICU less than 12 hours after delivering my daughter was never something I expected . I was in and out of consciousness that night piecing together what had happened and trying to manage my pain . Women are often told the risks of a [ vaginal birth after Cesarean ] , but I don 't believe I fully understood the risks of a repeat C - section . I simply didn 't realize this could happen to me . Coming to terms with the trauma of a massive postpartum hemorrhage and lifesaving emergency hysterectomy has been challenging , but I share my story because I want women to know they are not alone and that they don 't have to live in isolation . I am extremely grateful for my medical care team and I want those in the medical profession to know that an ounce of compassion goes a lot farther than anyone realizes . " - Marianne , North Carolina " I was , like , the eighth person to hold my baby . That was the most traumatic part for me . What the heck just happened and why did everyone else get to hold her before me ? I had to watch this young nurse washing her with my husband . . . I was just lying there . Watching . " - Meredith , Harrisburg , PA " ' Do you understand you are doing this without my consent ? ' As they are putting needles into my arm , I 'm telling them ' You are doing this against my will . ' Their response , even as my strong contractions grew faster and I was in active labor was , ' I can 't wait all night and we are doing this now . ' Less than an hour later , he was born , taken from me before I could hold him longer than a minute or two and not returned until almost three hours later even though he had no complications . I cried every minute and couldn 't stop thinking ' this isn 't supposed to be like this . ' " - Erika , New York City " I begged the nurse for help , letting her know that my body was pushing and I couldn 't stop it . I was twenty - eight hours into labor and unmedicated . She told me I couldn 't possibly be ready [ to push ] because I was a first time mom . I repeatedly asked her to check me or get the midwife . Instead , she paced around my bed insisting I wasn 't ready and refused to check me or get help . When my mom tried to check me , the nurse physically closed my legs and said " she not ready . I been nurse longer than she been alive , I know when they ready . She not ready . " I fought my body 's urge to deliver my child for a solid 50 minutes . I was later diagnosed with postpartum PTSD and endured a painful , 11 month physical recovery because of the choices made by my abusive and dismissive nurse . " - Leslie , Los Angeles CA " The one emotion that was consistent during my daughter 's birth , almost 13 years ago , was shame - shame for not birthing her vaginally , shame for not being able to breastfeed her , shame for not feeling a connection to her right away . The nursing staff in particular reaffirmed this emotion over and over again , one nurse even saying to me as she wheeled me to my recovery room after my Cesarean , ' you know you 're too young to have a baby . . . ' And I believed them . " - Kim , Riverside CA " My birth experience could have been far less traumatic if the hospital staff would have listened to me and trusted that I know when something is not right with my body . I told the nurse repeatedly in the hours after my son was born that something was not right . The nurse dismissively said , " oh , it 's just the Pitocin " , shrugging my concern off as if I was just an oversensitive patient . At the very least they could have provided me with after care with actual " care " about what happened to me . I honestly don 't think the nurses in the recovery room knew the experience I had been through . Once I was in recovery , I felt like a piece of meat on a conveyor belt shuffled from one room to another until I was out of the door and out of their hair . " - Staci , San Diego CA " It hurts so much to know what you are losing while you are losing it . . . that birth you fought so hard for . After legally resisting a court - ordered Cesarean during pregnancy ( based solely on the fact that I was carrying twins ) , at 37 weeks I arrived at the hospital by ambulance with a placental detachment . Alone in triage , the doctor smugly said to me , " Oh , look who is here to get the Cesarean we all told her she would need anyway . . . " That comment was like a sledgehammer to my heart . When you fight for women 's birthing rights and work so hard to bring these issues to light in order to change them , it is incredibly damaging to consciously lose the birth you just knew you would have . . . and planned to have . Add to that the condescending comments and disrespectful treatment by the doctors and nurses before , during and after my surgery . . . yes , I left with two healthy boys . . . but completely traumatized . " - Tracee , Yuma AZ " After a gut wrenching birth center experience with my first child , I constructed a different birth plan for my second . The healing sequel I hoped for went terribly wrong . Primary providers were unwilling to address my profound pain and debilitating sense of shock , much less apologize for their roles in complicating my birth . The importance of listening , truly hearing what mothers are saying and really understanding the emotion behind their words , is not being taught . It 's infuriating when you leverage all the options and resources out there , and still get a negative outcome . It 's also frustrating to spend all the money to process and heal and find validation , but not feel differently . I 'm paying to run on a treadmill . " - Amy , San Antonio , TX " I started off motherhood feeling like a failure . I thought it was normal to cry for an hour in the shower every day going over every detail of her birth . I was ignored during [ my ] surgery as I shook uncontrollably while my anesthesiologist complained about his iPhone and my OB complained that he was missing a T - Ball game . At my six week follow - up appointment , my doctor said I was " lucky " I had a Cesarean or he would have had to " cut me from end to end " . It was the first time I realized all my options had been taken away before I was even given any . After seeking help I realized I wasn 't alone . I 'm speaking out for those who can 't or won 't . You 're not alone . " - Jesse , Phoenix AZ
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Here is a message from my friend Mary . She has given me permission to post it . It speaks powerfully to my recent posts . The wonderful image of the feather on your heart will live with me for ever . I finally got to reading your ' Day of the Dead ' blog - not a big mystery why it took me a while to ' go there ' , given the loss of my mother in August and the energy one needs to cope and grieve . Reading about the different celebrations and festivals surrounding the dead , I was very suddenly taken back to the room in my mother 's house where we brought her , after the hospital , after the undertakers , after choosing a coffin and jewellery and her favourite dark pink jacket to wear in farewell . And the astonishment I felt that she looked so like herself , lying there , with that fine delicate skin and those hands that so often held us safe , shaped our worlds , hands that told stories with abandon and sketched love , dismay , anger and longing on the air around us . Astonishment that , in that room in her house , it seemed there was no veil between the living and dead , and yet there was . Astonishment that someone so utterly vibrant could actually die . It 's changed me . I feel I want to fight harder for a life lived well and vibrantly , because it doesn 't just land on you , you have to choose it and leave other things or people or stuff aside . And perhaps sometimes it does just land , like a feather on your heart . My mother Carmel had an extraordinary ability to take joy in the smallest thing and then she 'd tell you all about it , so you got to share in her sense of joy in a world that can surprise , that can waft a feather straight to your heart . Her life was not easy but her spirit was indomitable . She taught me so much , far more than I ever understood or recognised . On the Day of the Dead here in Ireland , I watched five of Tomas ' great nieces ( all of one family ) dress up respectively as Snow White , a leopard , a ghost , a ' scary guy ' and a little red devil . They brimmed with the excitement of becoming something completely different , an unknown quantity , a mystery . The cold air clung to them as they pranced out into the dark and along the very quiet street of their small village , crossing over into a different realm . Maybe then I saw my mother , transformed into something entirely different , a mystery . Finally , they turned for home , rosy with excitement , coming in from the dark . When they hugged us ( and can they hug ! ) they became known again , solid little bodies in our arms , familiar , warm , ours . So my mother . A mystery , but familiar , ours . Thank you for the blog , and the stories that connect completely unknown people . . . If you 've been reading my posts for a while you 'll know than I love the music of Van Morrison . My favourite album of his is Astral Weeks , recorded in New York over two days in 1968 when he was just 23 . For me the best song on that album - probably my top song ever - is the second track , Beside You . You can listen to it here Here 's the bit that I love the most : It 's the refrain , it weaves amongst the rest of the lyrics , simply supported by flute and acoustic guitar . The meaning behind Morrison 's songs isn 't always easy to work out , and he is notoriously reluctant to explain himself . So we are left to make our own best interpretations of what he is singing about . I think Beside You is a celebration of the direct experience of unconditional love . It 's about loving being with someone just because you can . Because you 're there and they 're there , you 're together and it 's fine . No need for conversation or discussion , no questions asked , no demands made . No trouble , no fret or worry . Being in this particular moment , with someone you care about , and knowing that this is entirely , totally sufficient . Being together , in ' the silence easy ' . Which sets me thinking about my own Beside You moments . I am fortunate to have so many people that I can be with , enjoyably , comfortably and without worry , that I am wonderfully spoilt for choice here . Here are three recent moments that spring to my mind : · On a sun - lounger by the swimming pool in the Gulf Hotel in Bahrain , sipping mint and lemonade , reading Rose Tremain 's Merivel , the afternoon sun warming my skin , Sue dozing peacefully beside me . · In a park in Canberra , pushing my brother Steve along the path in his wheelchair , watching a game of touch rugby , feeling in complete harmony as we share a joke about the game and realising that - whatever happens and whenever it happens - I will always remember this moment with joy . Go well on your merry way . I hope you have a rich store of Beside You moments , and I wish you many more of them . Mari : For last 5 years I have organised a welsh " light up a life " service . . . it 's a very moving service , all lay lead with no clergy , readings and carols by candlelight and an opportunity for anyone to come forward and light candles in memory of family and friends . At first service we expected about a 12 people - however half an hour before we were full and had to bring extra chairs and it has carried on being so popular year and year . We do need to remember and opportunities to do so are important . Venetia : In Sweden they have a similar approach - they light candles in graveyards and in every window of their houses and they have parties . Giving out the light has especially good and cheering effects . It looked magical when I was there 6 years ago . Tomorrow I shall go and visit two friends who died young in the cemetery at the top of my hill . Patricia : For many death is the last taboo . Don 't think or talk about it and maybe it will go away . . . . Then again , I suppose we get on with life precisely because we repress the awareness that one day we will not be around . All Souls ' Day ( 2nd November ) known as the Día de los Difuntos in Spain . The Spanish do visit the cemetery en masse to remember the departed , and there used to be the custom ( maybe there still is ) of spending the night in the cemetery , with lights , food and drink . Various traditions are observed throughout Spain , and special delicacies prepared for the occasion ( for example , the " huesos de santo " ) . In Ireland , particularly in country areas , there is still the custom of holding a wake for the deceased in his or her own home . " Historically , the Celtic nations have always had a great respect for their ancestors and they believed that at certain times of year , the boundaries between mortals and the souls of the dead cease to exist . This is especially true of the " Three Nights of the End of Summer " - Hallowe ' en , Samhain and All Soul 's Day . The ancients also believed that the dead were the repositories of wisdom and lore and that one of the reasons they return is to speak to their descendants . ( Taken from an article by Bridget Hegarty . ) I too would love a celebration in the churchyard where my father is buried in Ireland . He certainly would be present in spirit I think , as he loved any kind of celebration and get - together . We 'd have some hot whiskey , a drink he always liked on a cold winter 's night , and lots of good conversation . He was an excellent conversationalist . Whenever our family meet with relatives , some near , some distant , my father , and my mother , are remembered , with laughter , joy and a tear or two . . . . Pity Hallowe ' en has become commercialised in recent decades . All Hallows ' Eve , or Víspera de Todos los Santos . The old pagan feast of Samhain . Hallowe ' en ( the eve of All Saints ) in Ireland was a night for telling ghost stories around the fire , and these traditions still hold in many places . The spirits of the departed at a crossroads , the headless coachman , the black dog . . . We share these traditions with Galicia , in northern Spain , and Asturias and a few other northern provinces . Best to avoid the " Santa Compaña " ( Peregrinación de los Muertos ) , as they mournfully glide in procession , in two lines , along a dark , lonely road , barefoot , shrouded , carrying invisible candles , and led by a living person carrying a light , holy water and a cross . . . . . . The Santa Compaña does not restrict its mournful expeditions just to Hallowe ' en . Coleman : In many parts of rural Ireland , it is traditional to visit graves and to honor the dead on a specific day each year , known as a Pattern Day . The date varies from parish to parish . In preparation , graves are cleaned and decorated with new flowers and shrubs . Often , family members who have left the area will return , meet friends and neighbors at the cemetery and remember the dead . Cemetery Sunday is a tradition that goes on the length and breadth of Ireland . Often held in August throughout Ireland . The Pattern is a festival ( music , dance , eating and drinking ) with origins in pre - Christian times . And occasion too , in the past ( and no doubt in the present ) for young men and women to meet and get to know one another ) . Sometimes patterns were held at Holy Wells . Forget Halloween , it 's just a commercial nonsense . What 's much more interesting is the day after , 1 November . We call it All Saints Day . In Mexico it 's known as the Día de los Muertos , the Day of the Dead . If you think that sounds grim , macabre or spooky , you couldn 't be more wrong . The Day of the Dead is a massive communal celebration . Thousands of families visit their local cemeteries and have parties at the gravesides of their dead relatives and ancestors . They build little altars at home , and decorate them with photographs and loved ones ' favourite foods . It 's an event that goes back many hundreds of years , at least to the Aztec era . The biggest and best Mexican celebrations are in Oaxaca . A couple of years ago Sue , Mike and I were there for the festivities . We had a ball ! The city cathedral was surrounded by hundreds of huge sand sculptures . The main cemetery was transformed into a place of light , with music and dancing , eating and drinking - bubbling with energy and excitement . It was full of joy . The nearest we get to this in our buttoned - up western culture is the Irish wake , when family and friends come together to celebrate the life of whoever has just died , often with their body present in the room . There 's plenty to eat and drink , and laughter , with some good stories told . But it 's different , it 's about just one person , and it only happens the one time . Wouldn 't it be great to remember and celebrate our dead on a regular basis , and do it together ? It would reaffirm our sense of who we are and where we belong , and remind us that we 're part of a big supportive community . Of course we might want to pick and choose a bit about who we 're remembering - there may be some people we are glad to have got away from . And since many of us move around a lot , we might have to work out the best place to do our celebrating . For me it would probably be the churchyard in Corbridge , Northumberland , where my father 's buried , near where he and his parents lived for many years . We 'd need some bigChristopher Dowrick Our son Mike married Paula a couple of weeks ago . It was a wonderful day . The ceremony was on the bank of a river in remotest Northumberland . The sun shone ( amazingly ! ) , Paula was radiant , Tom remembered the rings , and we all knew we were part of something special . There were three great speeches during the wedding feast . Lots of fun stuff , and a dollop of wisdom too . Mike told us how he and Paula first met , in a pub in Newcastle . They talked about all sorts of things that day , he said , " but most importantly , about the thing that would come to define us ever since then . I can 't remember why we were talking about it , but we both agreed that in life , it was OK just to be happy . You didn 't need to worry about lots of stuff , or feel guilty about being happy . Being happy was just OK . " Life isn 't always fun , not by any means . It can be tough , unbearably so at times . It would be foolish to think that we can smile our way through everything that happens . Of course we can 't . Here are four bad reasons not to be happy , and some answers to them . 1 . I have no right to be happy . There is so much suffering in the world , if I 'm happy that means I am not taking all that suffering seriously . It means that I don 't feel enough for other people . I 'm being selfish . a . How does your being miserable help relieve other people 's suffering ? If you 're happy you 're probably also more creative and energetic , so more able to help where you can . 2 . Only stupid people are happy - they just don 't realise how complicated the world is , how easily things can go wrong , or how meaningless the universe is . a . I used to believe this one , I 'm sorry to say . It 's patronising rubbish . Happiness does not derive from our understanding of the world , but from our reaction to that understanding . Go gather some more rosebuds . 3 . I haven 't time to be happy . I am too busy doing stuff , sorting out my life and all the things I have to do , to stop and enjoy it all . a . You can enjoy the busy - ness . Getting immersed in things , to the point where you stop worrying about how you are feeling , can be a profound source of happiness . 4 . If I 'm happy , it means I 'm not trying hard enough . Life is all about achievement , success , making the world a better place . Allowing myself to be happy means I think I 've done enough , and that can never be true - there is always more to be done . a . Another one of my own mental torments , coming from my protestant work ethic background . And maybe one I haven 't fully disposed of yet . Time to re - read my post ' The best is yet to be ' ! Desiderata , that famous poem that was on walls of many student homes back in the day , ends with the command : ' Strive to be happy ' . Sorry , but that sounds too much like hard work to me . We don 't need to strive . We can simply allow ourselves to feel good . We can give ourselves permission to be happy . Really , it is OK . Posted by Life is precarious . It doesn 't matter how hard we work , or how carefully we plan , things will go wrong . A lot of the time we find ourselves surrounded by hassles and worries , or filled with boredom and tedium . Sometimes it 's much worse - a severe accident , a life - threatening illness , or the untimely death of someone we love . So when we have glimpses of happiness , it is good to cherish and celebrate them . Robert Herrick , 17th century poet , urges us to make the most of the good times while we can : I 've gathered a few fine rosebuds , this last week or so . Last weekend was the big cycle ride from Carlisle to Liverpool ( the reason for my two previous posts about cycling uphill ) . Getting over Shap summit despite driving rain and a strong head wind was wonderful . Cruising the nine miles downhill to Kendal was even better . Exhilaration , feeling alive - all that and more . Two rosebuds at least . A bonus of distance cycling is that you can eat as much as you want , in fact you have to , to keep your energy up . So slap - up breakfasts , mid - morning stops for double ice - creams and hot chocolate . More rosebuds . Calories , who 's counting ? At the half way point , the entire family turned out to greet us . An evening with all my children and grandchildren , together in the same place . A whole heap of rosebuds there . This week Sue and I 've been in Ireland , taking part in a GP conference in Kilkenny . Before that we had a couple of days over in the west , including a drive to Spanish Point , on County Clare 's Atlantic coastline . Hard to believe it was midsummer 's day : wet , windy and cold . But it was beautiful , in a wild sort of way . We sat there for an hour or so , well wrapped up , eating apples and soda bread , watching four girls learning to surf , and listening to the waves breaking on the shore . On the drive back the sun broke through the clouds , and I remembered Van Morrison 's wonderful song Coney Island . http : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = cVyZfCDdkTY So , with apologies to Van , here 's my final rosebud : In my last post I was wondering why I enjoy cycling uphill . Thank you for all your blog and Facebook thoughts about this - including all those kindly people concerned about my sanity ! I 've been thinking more about it , not least after a recent ride in the wind and rain , when I ended up with numb feet , drenched right through to the skin - but feeling just great . It 's not about achievement or performance , I 've realised . It 's about feeling alive . Being fully in the moment . In touch with my body and with the world around me . Engaging all my senses . It 's about immediate , direct , physical , sensuous reality . Undoubtable existence . It 's about now . Whatever happens later doesn 't matter . Maybe this is special for me because it is so different from what I do when I 'm working . Work in the university , or in the surgery , involves brain stuff - intellect and emotion - but very little in the way of physical stuff . It resonates for me with Camus 's Sysiphus ( who I posted about last year in Rolling Rocks ) , pushing his boulder up the mountain : ' the struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man 's heart . ' Hill walking - perhaps not surprising as it 's a similar thing to cycling uphill . I have vivid and oddly enjoyable memories of climbing Snowdon with my friend Dave and ( way back ) getting stuck half way up Sca Fell Pike with my father , both in driving rain and howling gales . Wild swimming - for me ( but not for Sue ! ) a delightful , sensuous experience . Skinny dipping before dawn in the Pacific at Zipolite in Mexico ; and in a secluded lake in Nigel 's Welsh woodland . Did you see Alice Roberts ' wonderful documentary about it on BBC recently ? Dancing to the late evening band at Campus Digging over the vegetable patch in our back garden , with a small child in a back carrier snuffling around my left ear . And of course , personal activities known only to Sue and me . Like our well - being recipes , what makes us feel alive will vary a lot from one person to the next . Mary says being in the middle of her second pregnancy is doing it for her - she feels at one with herself , the baby inside her and the world around her . What about you ? When do you feel fully alive ? Posted by I 'm in training for a family cycle ride from Carlisle to Liverpool . After struggling along the Coast to Coast last year , I realised that I need to get to grips with cycling uphill . Distance is not a problem . Downhill is a doddle . But uphill is different - it hurts ! So on Sunday mornings you 'll often find me puffing and panting my way up Parbold Hill , about 15 miles north of Liverpool . It 's a mile or so of 15 % gradient , which is a serious climb in anyone 's books . It starts off steep enough . After a few corners , when you 've reached the village church and convinced yourself you 're nearly at the top , you turn around another corner and - oh no , please no . . . but yes ! - it gets even steeper . The first time I tried it , I thought I was going to die . No , I tell a lie - I was sure I was going to die . My lungs were bursting , I was sweating ( and swearing ) and needed three or four stops before I finally made it , just about in one piece , to the top - where there is a great view across West Lancashire and Liverpool , assuming you have enough spare oxygen to keep your eyes working . The next few times , I realised death was probably not an immediate threat . I could get to the top of the hill as long as I didn 't mind stopping a couple of times on the way . Two weeks ago I got to the top with just one stop . I found going as slow as possible was the best way : it takes less energy and means I can keep going a bit longer . Last Sunday , somehow , I made it all the way up with no stops at all . But even when I realised I could get to the top in one piece , I was thinking to myself ' Why on earth am I doing this ? What is the point of choosing to put myself through so much pain and agony , when there is absolutely no need at all to do so ? ' How does this square with my ' Best is yet to be ' post , where I was writing about just being , and not needing to achieve so much any more ? Why can 't I just be sitting at home watching cricket , or taking the dogs for a stroll ? Hmmmm . It is a bit confusing . Why do we sometimes choose to do difficult things , when we really don 't have to ? Surely we have enough tough times in our lives without having to go and deliberately find ourselves some more . Am I trying ( in vain ! ) to preserve my alpha - male status ? Or maybe it 's just a way of keeping boredom at bay . But I don 't think so . It seems to me there something important about setting ourselves challenges to keep us ticking over , to keep us feeling alive . And I guess there 's a balance to be struck between being and doing . What do you think ? Have you done tough things that you didn 't need to do ? And why did you do them ? Posted by We 've reached 20 , 000 hits today . Thank you all for your interest and support of this blog , it means such a lot . You are reading the posts from all over the world . People from the UK and Spain are the main readers , followed by those of you logging in from the United States , Australia , Canada , India , Ireland , Bahrain , Philippines and Germany . There is even recent interest in Georgia and South Korea - it would be great to know how you came across our blog . My last post was all about why we are kind to strangers . Thank you for all your wonderful responses ! This one , as you will see , is all about being kind to ourselves . Oddly , it 's something we often find more difficult to do . Early on Monday morning I had an email from Australia , telling me that my brother Steve is back in hospital . Probably nothing too serious , some tests to check things out . More news later . . . . . . Hmmmmm . I set off to work as usual , had a couple of meetings , then tried to concentrate on writing a research report . By lunchtime I realised I just couldn 't get my head round it , and was making all sorts of silly mistakes . So I went out for a stroll to clear my head . On the way I passed two colleagues . I must have looked a bit shaky because they both stopped and asked me if I was OK . A few years back I would have said ' Yes thanks , I 'm fine ' and carried on . But I 've realised that 's not a great way to proceed , so I said ' No , not really ' and told them why . I got warm words and a hug . Which was nice . Instead of walking round the campus , I found myself heading for Costas Coffee . I bought a large hot chocolate with marshmallows and cream , and a lemon drizzle muffin . Back in my office I thought I would drink the chocolate and save the muffin for later . But I didn 't , I scoffed the lot - and felt much , much better . Cycling home in the rain ( surprisingly enjoyable when you 've got the right gear on ) I detoured up the hill from Netherfield Road to St George 's Church . It 's a tough climb for me , and I 'm always puffing and panting - but this time I managed to get to the top without stopping . And then , the pure pleasure of freewheeling down Everton Brow . Then it was off to my Tai Chi class in our local community centre . As always it was a lovely session , five minutes of meditation followed by half an hour of balancing , calming movement . Different things work for different people , but the basic message is the same . We need - and deserve - to look after ourselves , as well as looking after other people . Kindness goes in all directions . How would you have been kind to yourself , if you 'd received that sort of worrying news ? P . S . I 'm pleased to say that Steve is OK . It turns out it was a minor hiccup rather than a major setback . Posted by One summer when I was a student , my girlfriend and I were hitch - hiking through Italy . We found ourselves sitting in a cafe in Rome , feeling rather tired and bedraggled . A woman at the next table leant across , said she was worried about how we were managing , and gave me a 50 , 000 lira note ( worth about £ 20 , a lot of money for students in those days ) . A random act of kindness . Why on earth did she do that ? She didn 't know us , had never met us before , and would never see us again . How odd ! There 's an obvious point in being kind to family and friends , because we care about them . There 's an obvious point in being kind to people we work with : it encourages colleagues to work harder , and makes our clients more satisfied . But why are we kind to people we don 't know , and have no particular contact with ? The writer Anne Herbert tells us to ' practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty ' , which sounds wonderful - but she doesn 't tell us why . Kindness to others is a big element of the major religions . It 's zakat , the fourth pillar of Islam ; it 's central to Buddhism ; and ' loving your neighbour as yourself ' is at the heart of Christianity . But that doesn 't explain random acts of kindness by people who live without a faith . Being kind to strangers is strange ! I ask Sue - the kindest person I know - why she is kind to strangers . Her immediate response is ' Well , what goes around comes around ' . I know that 's one reason she enjoys offering house room for couch - surfers : the thought that people in Mexico , Australia or wherever will do the same for our children when they 're travelling around the world . It 's reciprocity , on a global scale . Then she says , ' Being kind doesn 't take extra energy ' . It doesn 't cost anything to give someone a hug - although I suppose you might get a smack in the face if your hugging is just too random . She points me towards the Gentle Art of Blessing , by Pierre Praverand : all about wishing unrestricted good for others . You can find a glimpse of Pierre ' sPosted by
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Every year we have my parents and the in - laws over for a movie watching fest . This year , the plan is to watch both of the modern Sherlock Holmes movies which I was given for my birthday . I 've been making some food for the evening . I 've made some breadsticks using the pizza dough recipe . These aren 't like the breadsticks you 'll find in the supermarket . As my dd says , they 're more like bread than sticks but they 're great for dipping into hummus . I made the hummus last night and I also made some baba ganoush which is a tasty aubergine dip . I had some aubergines that didn 't look very happy in the fridge so I cut off the sad bits and roasted the rest of the aubergine . It was the equivalent to two aubergines . When they were soft , I took them out of the oven and allowed to cool . I then scraped the flesh out from inside and put in a food processor with 2 cloves of garlic ( peeled ) , juice of half a lemon and 3 - 4 spoons of tahini . I used a spoon that wasn 't quite as big as a tablespoon . I whizzed all the ingredients together adding salt and pepper to taste . The plan is to eat this with the breadsticks . I 'll also serve my homemade marinated olives so it should be quite a feast with chocolate brownies for dessert . I hope you all have a wonderful New Year 's Eve and that all your wishes come true ( and you manage to stick to your resolutions ) . I 'd love to hear what you 've been up to and what resolutions you have set yourself . I 'm planning to cook more healthy food and get fitter this year . Plenty of walking and cycling in the local countryside . Who needs a gym when it 's all on my front door . They were my inspiration for today 's crafting . I 've made some penguin key rings in a variety of different colours . Here 's the first one With ds not having eaten very much during the day , you can imagine he wasn 't in the best of moods when we returned home from our family trip to London . He started with getting all his favourite foods from the freezer but then he decided to return them all again . Sometimes , you just have to let your children work through their own moods . The next I knew , he was asking me how long it takes to cook macaroni cheese and he had started to weight out the ingredients . He decided that it wouldn 't take much longer than cooking the frozen food and it would be much tastier . So this is what he made . . . He cooked 400g of rigatoni . While this was cooking , he made the cheese sauce . He melted 100g of margarine ( Pure ) and added 100g of plain flour and cooked these together for a couple of minutes . He then added 2 pints of semi - skimmed milk a bit at a time , making a roux . When all the milk had been added , he boiled the mixture , stirring all the time . Once the mixture had thickened , he to it off the heat and added grated cheese , enough to make a cheesy sauce . He divided the mixture between two dishes and mixed with the cheese sauce . He then sprinkled cheese on top and baked in a pre heated oven at 180 degrees centigrade for 20 minutes . Ds might have thought he was making it for himself but dd and I got in on the act and it was delicious . We had some peas with it which was a nice addition ( ds only had 2 peas as the macaroni cheese is the star act as far as he 's concerned ) . How crazy , ds was completely exhausted and hungry but chose to make this for dinner which is not the quickest thing to make . Posted by A day out in London We spent a lovely day in London yesterday walking and seeing the sites . We started off at Borough Market , the food market which can be found underneath the railway arches next to Southwark cathedral . It always reminds of the first Harry Potter movie when Hagrid takes Harry to Diagon Alley . We walked to the market from Waterloo station along the south bank of the river Thames . it was a lovely walk and we saw St Paul 's cathedral and the city skyline in the distance . There were various bakeries at the market and for the first time ever I was able to look at their wares and say ' I 've made that ' . To be honest , it only really happened with the bread sticks - the rest of the bread is beyond my capabilities at the moment . I also saw a fudge stall that really did look like the fudge that I made for Christmas presents . There were some lovely olive oil and cheeses to try which I took full advantage of . The only slight fly in the ointment was that ds and dd were also with me and they really didn 't want to be there . You can 't have it all . At least I had my mum and dad there and they were happy to come along on the tasting ride . I had an amazing halloumi cheese bap for lunch which was amazing value at £ 4 . 80 . It was full to bursting with salad , halloumi and sauces and I was served by a lovely cheeky chappy . It was so big that I remained full for the rest of the day . We ate it sitting next to the cathedral on some lovely pink seats . Unfortunately , dd and ds didn 't find anything to eat which didn 't help their good humour . Note to self , bring along plenty of food that they like on a trip to London to avoid any grumpiness . It was definitely a day for seeing the sites . We also walked past the Monument . They say if you lay it down it will take you to the starting point of the Great Fire of London . We then decided to wait for a bus but we had just missed it so decided to keep on walking . Ds wanted to go to a bike shop in Holburn , so we had a lovely 2 mile walk through the city . We even walked through Smithfield meat market which I had never visited before . Luckily , it wasn 't in full swing so we could just enjoy the architecture . By this time , our feet were hurting and we were still hunting for food for ds and dd . Anything that was offered was not good enough ( can you see the theme here . Ds didn 't eat until we returned home ) . We took a bus back to Trafalgar Square to see the Christmas tree donated by Norway . It looked beautiful all lit up in the twilight . We then moved onto the lights of regents street and oxford street . The regent street lights were based on the 12 days of Christmas so mum and I sand the song as we travelled down the street on the bus . I 'm not sure what the other people thought of that . Dh and ds stayed downstairs I 'm sure to avoid the singing . Well , the season of goodwill is over for another year . It takes me all year to build up my stock of presents and then a few days for them all to be given to the right recipient . Yesterday was our traditional family get together with my dad 's sisters and their children ( and their children ) . We were supposed to be heading for Essex for the afternoon but the sickness bug struck that side of the family down . I hope they start to feel better soon . Instead , we travelled to Kent to my cousin 's house as she agreed to host at the last mint . What a star . Even though it was a last minute change , there was still loads of food ( thank you to the local pizza takeaway ) and laughs . I made some more muffins for the party ( way too many this time ) . I added a mincemeat muffin to my repertoire which proved just as yummy as the rest . As I had run out of muffin cases before Christmas Day , I used my silicone cases and some cup cake cases which meant that I managed to get 24 small muffins out of a 12 muffin recipe . To make the muffins you need to mix all the dry ingredients together . . . Mix so that you can 't see any flour but the batter should look lumpy . Don 't over mix . Spoon into muffin cases and bake at 200 degrees centigrade for 20 - 25 minutes . They didn 't go as quickly as the Christmas Day muffins so now I 'll need to reorganise the freezer so I can find a space for them . Also lurking in the freezer is the bread that we got on Christmas Eve for 10p - I think Christmas Day is now the only day of the year that the supermarkets aren 't open . That 's a bit of a sobering thought . I hope you all have a restful rest of the week after the exertions of the last couple of days . I have managed to fit in watching Dowton Abbey between putting and taking it the muffins so at least I 've had some time on the sofa . The wonderful thing about I - player is at you can pause when things need to be taken from the oven . We have also managed to fit in a couple of walks . Happy Christmas to everyone . I hope it brings you peace and goodwill . I 've been up since 6 . 30am this morning to cook the muffins for Christmas morning . We celebrate Christmas with my in - laws each year so baking in the morning is the least that I can do . So far , I 've made chocolate chip muffins and raspberry muffins . This is the recipe that I used . . . You need to make sure you don 't over mix as the muffins then become quite heavy . For chocolate chip muffins , cut up a 100g bar of milk chocolate and mix in with the dry ingredients . For the raspberry muffins , add 100g frozen or fresh muffins to the dry ingredients . Spoon into the cases and then sprinkle with Demerara sugar . Each batch makes 12 muffins . Bake in an oven at 200 degrees centigrade for 20 - 25 minutes and then enjoy . I 'm really pleased with the way they have turned out . They have some home grown lavender inside them as well so they smell as good as they look . Off now to sort out the last bits of Christmas baking . Have a lovely , relaxing Christmas Eve . Today is fudge making day . I only make this at Christmas time as it takes continual stirring and it drives me mad but the end result is always worth it . I use Rachel Allen 's recipe which is 1 tin of condensed milk , 450g caster sugar and 100g of sugar . Mix all the ingredients together in a saucepan and bring to the boil . To make vanilla fudge , add 1tsp of vanilla essence at this point . Stir continually for about 10 minutes until the mixture reaches the soft boil stage . You can test this by dropping half a teaspoon of the mixture into a glass of cold water . If it forms a boil but is still malleable , then it is time to take it off the heat . This is what it should look like . Once off the heat , keep stirring as the mixture cools down . To cool it down more quickly , you can put the saucepan into a bowl of cold water as you stir . Keep stirring until the mixture becomes more granular . Pour into a tray and leave it to set . I made double the mixture for this amount . I then made a chocolate version . Once the fudge reaches the soft ball stage , take off he heat and add 150g - 200g of chopped dark chocolate . I used the value chocolate which you can find in any of the major supermarkets . Looks and tastes great . Now I just need to package it up for presents . Here they are all packaged up . I 've been wearing some to work this week to jazz up my jackets . Now that the holiday has arrived I can start thinking about all the things I still want to make . I 've made some dough this evening which I will make into breadsticks tomorrow . I 'm planning to top some with salt and pepper , some with sesame seeds and leave some plain . I might even get creative and make some plaited sticks . We 'll have to wait and see how they turn out . I 'm also planning to make some vanilla and chocolate fudge and some peppermint creams . These might have to wait until Sunday as I 'm planning to take the family out walking tomorrow . So , a busy weekend planned . I 'm now off to have some well deserved rest after a very busy week . Enjoy your evening . Chanukah is over for another year and it was a lovely festival filled with candlelight and song . There wasn 't even time to draw a breath today as it was the day to decorate the in - laws christmas tree . Dd had a lovely time deciding where everything went and we even hung some Leah Makes decorations . See of you can spot them . . . I put them in some cellophane bags ( purchased from the lovely Lakeland ) and finished off with ribbon and labels . All the work presents are ready to be taken in tomorrow and I 'm gradually getting back the floor space in my house . It always amazes me how much planning goes into the holiday season and the how quickly it 's over . I hope you all have some nice things planned this week . Forgive me if you don 't hear from me until next weekend . The week days at always extremely hectic for me . At some point I hope I will be able to finish my latest batch of brooches . I 've been wearing this one on various items of clothing all week ( jackets and my favourite cardigan ) and I 've had quite a few positive comments which is always nice . For some reason , blogger just went funny and wouldn 't let me finish the previous post . I 'm not having much luck this weekend . So here is the rest of the post . If you saw the dolls on the previous post you would know that they were ready to go to their me home . The present opening commenced after we had lit the candles . As the weather had turned milder we were able to light them in the window so all passers by could see them ( also so my youngest nephew couldn 't reach them ! ) . It was a lovely sight especially as we had four chanukiahs to lights . My nieces opened their dolls and fell in love with them . On he way home , my nephew turned to my brother and asked for a boy doll for so a birthday . I think that might be the higher form of flattery . I 'll have to start thinking about what I will dress him in and how I will model his hair . Ooh , something different to get my creative juices running . I can 't wait . I hope you all had a lovely evening las night - I certainly did . It was topped off by Back to the Future II , a little bit of strictly and a lot of Merlin whilst eating homemade pizzas with the family . I 'm not sure it can get better than that ( maybe if Watford had won rather than drawn that would have bee the icing on the cake ) . For whatever reason , I couldn 't load the photographs last night but it 's working again today . Here are my chocolate goodies . The chocolate spoon mould cost £ 2 . 99 and the other mould cost £ 1 and the chocolate I used cost 60p for two bars so this is a really cheap way of making chocolate spoons and gingerbread men . My dd used one of the spoons in her hot chocolate and she gave it favourable reviews . I think these would be lovely packaged up as presents . Everything is sorted for this year but maybe next year . . . . . We had pizzas last night and the bases were really good . I used to just add enough water to bring the dough together but I 've found if I stick to the three quarters of a pint in the recipe that the dough is much better quality . Here it is rising in its bowl . The doughnuts I made were really yummy and the recipe was really easy to follow . It came with the ugh nut time that I bought from Lakeland years ago . I really love that shop . Whenever I buy something , they always ask " did you find everything you were looking for " and my reply is always along the lines of I wasn 't looking for anything but this was so lovely I couldn 't resist . This was one of those times . The pan is a bit of a pain to get clean and the doughnuts don 't always come out very easily ( mainly because life is too short to oil the tin ) but the end result is always fun . I covered half of them with melted milk chocolate ( another 30p value bar ) and the other half with glacé icing . Mix together 225g plain flour , 2tsps baking powder , 1tsp salt and 175g of caster sugar . In a separate bowl , mix together 6 fl oz milk , 2 eggs , 1 tsp vanilla essence and 1 tbsp olive oil . Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix well so you end up with a smooth batter . I use a little mini whisk for this . This amount will make 36 mini doughnuts and my baking pan only makes 12 at a time so you can imagine how messy the pan gets by the third batch . Bake in an oven heated at 160 degrees centigrade for 8 minutes . Take out and cool and repeat with the rest of the mixture . I think this would work equally as well in a bun tin but let me know if you try it this way . To , let the chocolate , I stopped using , me boiling pan of water a long time ago . Now I break the chocolate up into a microwaveable proof bowl and put night he microwave for 5 minutes on defrost . Stir after 5 minutes then it may need another 3 minutes on defrost after that . To coat the doughnuts , you can either spoon on the chocolate or dunk one side into the chocolate ( my preferred method as it 's fun ) . After a very hectic week , it 's lovely to have a day without many plans . While the kids are at judo , I 've spent the morning pottering around the kitchen . Whilst there had been some tidying up , I 've also been doing a bit of making . I was given some new silicone moulds for my Chanukah presents . One is a spoon mould from Lakeland and the other is a gingerbread man mould from a new pound shop I found in Watford . I melted some milk chocolate and filled the spoon mould . The plan is to use them to stir hot chocolate - yum . I then mixed the remainder of the melted chocolate with a dried fruit and nut mix and filled some of the gingerbread man mould . Two bars of value milk chocolate at 30p each made this amount quite a lot . When I stop having trouble with my pictures , I 'll post what I made . I 've also made some pizza dough for tonight . Mix 600g strong plain flour with a 7g sachet of yeast and 1tsp of salt . Add 4tbsp of olive oil and three quarters of a pint of warm water . I make it in a mixer but it can be done by hand , it will just take a bit longer . Mix the dough until it is springy to the touch . Pt in a bowl , cover with a tea towel and leave to double in size . I 'll make the tomato sauce later when I get the toppings ready - roasted aubergines , mushrooms , and mozzarella . I use the value mozzarella from Sainsburys ( don 't get the value one from Asda as it doesn 't taste very nice ) . It was all going well this morning . Children waved off to school , car scraped of ice and on my to work . And that 's when it happened . I was driving along one of the rural roads with hedgerows either side and there must have been a tree branch that I didn 't see sticking out . The next thing I knew there was an almighty thump and I thought something was about to fly through my passenger window . Instead it smashed off my side mirror . To be honest , the day just went downhill from there . You know when the day is so bad that all you want to do is go back to bed , wake up and start all over again ? Well , that was my day today . All topped off with my car booked in for a new side mirror at the cost of £ 170 . I thought it was going so well this month having bought all the Chanukah and Christmas presents and still having enough to live on . Ho hum , I suppose these things are sent to try us and at least no one was hurt . I hope you had a better day . I 'm hoping tomorrow will be a significant improvement . At least we spent time tonight lighting the candles for the fourth night of Chanukah and we even had time to sit together as a family for the evening meal . Sometimes , you just have to be thankful for the small things . Brooches I 've been wondering for a while what to do with the material that my grandparents left to me . It 's been sitting in the corner of the room , nicely packaged up in the plastic bags that you can suck all the air out of so it seems smaller . Of course , once you open the bags the air comes rushing back in but luckily , we left a small bit of material out . Before she died , my granny was making a suit . She was a very clever woman and could just cut out the pieces by eye but she left behind a pattern for this one . I didn 't want to cut into the partly finished suit as it 's still a memory but she had left behind some off cuts . When I was at school on Friday , the textiles teacher was wearing a badge and I thought to myself , I can make that . And I have . Here are the finished badges with granny 's material as the back fabric . The buttons are from my box of heirloom buttons left by both sets of grandparents so all in all , these brooches are full of memories . Today 's marking has been done , brooches crafted and flapjack made . Now I just need to make a macaroni cheese for the synagogue Chanukah celebrations this evening and tidy up the kitchen ( again ) . I hope you 're all having a restful day . It always amazes me how much you can pack into one day . I managed to visit the Italian shop to stock up on pasta ( both large and small ) and hobbycraft for some more grosgrain ribbon supplies . I also bought some plastic head pins which I 'm going to add to my heart pin cushions . Dd and I had vegetable soup with mini pasta for lunch which we always enjoy and then I spent the afternoon finishing off my Chanukah garlands . They 're now displayed around the lounge and look like this . . . . I also have them hanging on the piano and on the curtain rail . I 'm really pleased with how they turned out . We lit the candles tonight for the first night of Chanukah . Doesn 't it look pretty . We 're supposed to light them in the window so they can be seem by passers by but it is so cold at the moment that I didn 't want to keep our curtains open as the house is only just starting to warm up . Maybe tomorrow . I hope you all had a lovely day . Chanukah is the Jewish Festival of Lights which is celebrated on the 25th of Kislev every year . As the Jewish calendar is lunar , that means that sometimes Chanukah starts as early as the end of November and at other times it starts as late as the end of December . This year is starts tonight - 8 December . Chanukah celebrates the time in history when the Maccabees led a revolution against the assimilation of the Jews . According to tradition , at the time of the rededication of the temple , there was very little oil left to light the everlasting light above the ark ( something that you 'll see in all synagogues but now it runs on electricity ! ) . By some miracle , the oil that was found lasted for 8 days instead of 1 and so we celebrate this festival of 8 days . This is a lovely festival and really adds a bit of joy and light to this dark time of the year . In our family , we light the candles every night , adding another candle each night so on the last night we will have 8 candles to light plus the servant candle ( that does all the lighting ) . The tradition is to give a small present each night and to have Chanukah gelt ( Yiddish for money ) . We also play the dreidel game and eat fried food ( no one said that this is a healthy festival ) . The traditional fried foods are doughnuts and latkes ( fried potato cakes ) . I 'm really looking forward to this tonight . I 've been working on some Chanukah decorations for the mantelpiece . My plan is that they will be finished in time for tonight . I 've been making some felt dreidels and some stars of David . Here are the dreidels . They have a נ on the red ones and a ג on the purple ones . In the game , you spin the dreidel and if it lands on נ you win nothing and if it lands on ג you win all the money in the pot . There is also a ש and a ה on the real dreidel but I couldn 't fit everything onto the felt ones . What do you think ? I 'm planning to make a garland with the dreidels and the stars of David below . . . . Here is one our chanukiahs ready to light and our stash of candles ( as everyone has their own chanukiah ) . My dd got them all ready at the beginning of the week . As you can see we have one candle in as it 's day one and we also have the relevant candle for the lighting . I got really excited and had a big smile pasted on my face until it took me 45 minutes to navigate the 15 minute journey to work . You would have thought that so little snow would have no impact on the morning commute but how wrong you would be . Oh well , at least I enjoyed the first 5 minutes of the snow . Of course , it was all gone by mid morning but maybe it 's a taste of things still to come ( the snow rather than the longer than normal commute ) . Here 's hoping . Anyway , the festive season is truly starting tonight as I 'm at my dd 's Christmas musical extravaganza . Hope you 've got some fun things planned . So , this is the end result of my birthday cake making escapades . It 's not the best picture but I can promise you that it is a dinosaur and was very well received . The cake itself was ' better than the vegan cake ' according to my ds and dd and it went really well with the butter icing . I think they mean that the cake has a heavier consistency as the vegan cake is lighter . We had an amusing moment on Sunday when I was making the icing and completely misread the recipe adding way to much icing sugar . However , with a bit of trial and error , I managed to get the consistency just right . It 's amazing how I could get this shape out of a 22cm round cake . I found a wrapped truffle in our chocolate box so used it for the eye ( unwrapped of course ) . I 'm very pleased with the result and my ds was too . We had a lovely day on Sunday baking and creating . I 've been working on some new felt creations which I will show you when they 're finished . We had a present opening session on Sunday and this was the end result . While dd is lying under the duvet trying to shake her virus which has been hanging around for weeks I 'm getting on with the week 's baking which this week includes a birthday cake for a soon to be 16 year old . This week I made the normal flapjack recipe but I added a fruit and nut mix to half the mixture . Ds loves the plain flapjack but I like to add something a bit different to the mix . This is what it looks like this week . I hope it tastes as nice as the cranberry flapjack I made . I then moved on to making the birthday cake . I used the chocolate cake recipe from my kid 's baking book - ' my first baking book ' . I used my new recipe holder which I was given for my birthday . Definitely a useful and lovely addition to our kitchen . Add the lemon juice to the milk and set aside . Set the oven to 180 degrees centigrade . Grease and line a 22cm deep cake tin . Cream the butter and half the sugar until pale and fluffy , beat the eggs in one by one ( I used medium eggs so we 'll see how the cake turns out ) . Stir in the rest of the sugar . Sift the flour , cocoa powder and bicarbonate of soda together . Add half of this mixture to the wet ingredients and fold in with half the milk mixture . Add the rest of the milk and then the flour . Pour into the tin and cook for one hour . The plan is to make the cake into a dinosaur ! Watch this space . In the mean time I 'm going to clean the kitchen while I finish listening to the Archers where Lillian is just about to start a relationship with Matt 's brother . If you don 't know what I 'm talking about then maybe it 's time to start listening to radio 4 . I 'm sure you can access it on the Internet wherever you are in the world . We support Watford FC in our family . Well , mainly my children and I and my dh comes along for the ride . The children are lucky enough to have season tickets which my parents get for them every year . We always go and see a match as a birthday treat followed by a meal at L ' artista , a lovely Italian restaurant . Yesterday was one of those treat days and it was made even more special as my brother and two of his children joined us . Here we are at the stadium ( we always get there a bit early ) . I can promise you that it filled out after I took this photo . The exciting news is that we won 4 - 1 with some beautiful play , especially the second goal which was awesome . Great news for a birthday treat . We walked into town yesterday and had a tour of the local everything costs a pound stores . There are three stores in Watford so we had fun checking out the goods . You have to be careful what you buy as there is some real tat there . I have managed to get some lovely ribbon before ( 5 metres for a pound ) but I haven 't seen it since . I did buy a lovely silicon mould yesterday that has lots of little gingerbread men shapes . I 'm thinking of using it for jelly or chocolate . I 'll let you know when I decide , I saw my first gold postbox yesterday on the high street . It was painted for Anthony Joshua , who won a gold medal in the men 's super heavyweight boxing . A proud moment indeed . A busy day for everyone which was full of family , football and feasting . It can 't get much better than that . I know I 'm really lucky but when the bad times hit , these are the memories I keep hold of to get me through . I hope you all had a lovely day yesterday . It doesn 't happen very often but dh and I had a day off work today and we really made the most of it . We started by taking the car in for a service . I say we but I stayed in bed whilst dh took the car to the local garage and then walked home . We really like to support local businesses . It was still early by the time we got home ( and below freezing ) . We then dressed up warm for our walk as it was freezing outside . Every time we get the opportunity to go out walking in the countryside we always promise ourselves that we 'll do it more often and this is why . . . . . How 's that for a view . It just makes the soul sing . Beautiful weather and views and wonderful company . This walk had everything - tweeting birds , bare branches , dry leaves underfoot , squelchy mud , bright blue sky and ice crystals on the leaves and grasses . We then even had the luxury of going out for lunch before getting back home in time for the kids ' return from school . A perfect day off ( and I even managed to finish the heart pin cushions I 've been making ) . I hope you all had a good day . As you might have guessed I like to give some handmade gifts at this time of year . This year , it will be flavoured olives . I know it sounds like hard work but it 's one of the easiest gifts to make . I bought plain olives from the supermarket . They were 99p for a jar of 454g . To make the marinated olives , you need to decide what flavours you want . This time , I decided on rosemary , chilli and garlic . The rosemary was from the garden and I used chilli flakes and fresh , crushed garlic . During the summer I make the olives using marjoram , thyme or oregano but at this time of year , they have died back in the garden . I only make these when I can find reduced olive oil . This litre bottle was £ 3 . 25 rather than the usual price which makes this an economical present to make . Drain the olives and place in a large bowl . Soak the jars and remove the labels . Sterilise the jars by filling three quarters with water and putting in the microwave for 5 minutes on high . Wash and dry the lids . Finely chop the rosemary and add it to the olives with the crushed dried chillies and crushed fresh garlic . I 'm not sure of the exact amounts of the ingredients just add to taste . Put the olives back in the sterilised jars and then pour olive oil in until all the olives are covered . I used most of the bottle of olive oil . This is the end result . They also taste as good as they look . It amazes me what people are able to make out of wire . There was also a craft market that we had a wander around . Some beautiful items but all way beyond my budget . My ds decided that he could take photos that were as good as those for sale and I certainly agree with him . Maybe that 's how he 'll pay his way through university . We 're now back home after our fresh air and have found Carry on Teaching on the tv . I love the old classic movies . Such innocent humour . I hope you all have a lovely week . Everyday life is always busy but I try to take some time out to craft and cook yummy treats . I love to sew and bake and share my makes with you . View my complete profile I 've been making a number of these bags recently . They all have different applique designs and I can 't seem to get enough of them . S . . . I bought a punnet of grapes from the supermarket last week . Both my children like red grapes so I thought it was a safe bet . When I got them . . .
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I rode the Festive 500 the first year Rapha put it out there , back before Kid # 3 and when I was still racing on the road with any regularity . It was tough but doable as I had a job where I could ride at lunch and group rides to jump on to burn up some of the miles . It got tougher each year after that . Travel days , work , riding less in general , another child , a move . It all added up , but I used it almost every year to try to motivate a burst of riding . I made it a shorter and shorter distance down the track each year , so to speak . Last year we were away over Christmas and I didn 't even try . I think the year before I made it to Dec . 26 before admitting defeat . I hadn 't much thought about it this year , until something clicked in late November and I knew I had to try again , despite an inconsistent cyclocross - focused training schedule that rarely saw me riding more than 60 minutes at a shot . I was suddenly determined this year would be different , this would be the year I pulled it off . With a half - day of work scheduled for December 24 and Christmas Day falling on a Friday , I had a good chunk of time to knock out some miles at the start before my wife went back to work the following Monday and I would have to work things around hanging out with the kids , dinner and bath times , and the like . I knew this would eventually involve some night riding . OK , a lot of night riding . December 24 : not at all an auspicious start . The plan had been to get up early to tack some extra km on the ride in to work . Did I mention I have largely lost the ability to wake up early ? The snooze button and I have a difficult relationship . Half the time I don 't even remember the alarm going off . So no pre - work ride apart from the commute . Nonetheless rewarded for making the effort to ride in with a great sunrise , though . On the way home , I tacked on some extra , enjoying the daylight ride down Berlin 's Ku ' damm , delighting in the Christmas lights and last minute shoppers . Rolled up in time to make it to Christmas Eve mass and my kids in the pageant . Well , one of them . The oldest was too cool to be in the play and the youngest slept through the whole mass , missing his potential star turn as a sheep . I got some miles on the board and felt pretty good for it , despite the worry that I was already behind schedule . 40 km done / 460 remaining December 25 : Headed out after the Christmas morning bonanza into weak sunshine and a narrow window before guests started piling in for Christmas dinner . Between the dark and the holidays and not having hooked up with a team here , I was expecting to be alone for most of this week . This time I actually had some company , with a guy joining me for a loop around the Havel and Sacrow lakes . " You doing the Festive 500 too ? " he asked , rolling up from behind . He was clearly in much better shape than me as I was often just under or at threshold just sitting on . Got the ride done faster as a result but there was no way I was going to be able to keep that up every ride and survive this thing . The GPS battery helpfully died about 9km from home , which meant for the rest of the week I was also obsessing about getting in that " extra " nine kilometers to make sure I got proper credit . And I started getting " where are you ? " calls and texts for the last half hour , meaning I had clearly started making people nervous about whether there would be anything on the table for Christmas dinner . 61 / 399 December 26 : The anxiety grows . Slept in too long , so another day of working the ride in between late breakfast and afternoon prep for a Boxing Day dinner ( fewer guests , but still some cooking to be done . ) Also , another day well shorter than the 65km a day you need to average to stay on track . Starting to get nervous as I 'm three days in , behind schedule , and patience at home is wearing thin . These are the days where there 's actually someone at home to watch the kids , too . What 's going to happen when I only have pre - dawn , twilight and after - dark hours to get this done ? A big day ( or two ? ) looms in my future . Weather is still weirdly warm ; was out in winter jersey ( no jacket ) and no gloves . 44 / 355 December 27 : Brunch . F ' in brunch . If there 's something that separates racers from non - racers , it 's brunch . If training is key , you don 't spend your Sunday mornings sitting around burning up perfectly good daylight and hoping your kids aren 't trashing the upstairs bedrooms while trying to make polite conversation and not letting your anxiety show about how low the sun is sinking in the sky . Instead , you 're out there training . Don 't get me wrong , our neighbors are lovely , lovely people and very generous and it was a fun time . But the other half of me was freaking out about how long we were there . First night ride of the week , and the weather started to turn . Hungry the whole ride , obsessing over the Boxing Day leftovers of spiral ham sitting in the fridge and the jalapeño cornbread on the counter . Starting to get paranoid about my legs , too , setting the power meter as a restrictor plate so I don 't go too hard and trash myself before the end of the week . Constantly hungry , paranoid , and anxious - I sound like a drug addict . 43 / 312 December 28 : Rode in the dark and cold as long as I could manage , staring straight ahead and zeroing in on that focus point , that spot of perfect stillness within . Turning the most perfect circles I could with my legs and thinking " action through non - action " again and again and again . I was trying to run to myself by riding away , seeking to capture that stillness so I could hold on to it and produce it when I need it . Like when after a great day checking out the new T - Rex skeleton and having a blast bopping around as a wolfpack of four , everything melts down over dinner and bath time and I 'm left furious and loathing myself . So I rode off into the dark and sought that focus point as long as I could until the phone rang with worry . These are not normal times to be out riding a bike and I 'm grateful for the holidays for the lack of cars and the way I can ride by the cozy houses with their twinkling lights out in the front yard and slip in and out of neighborhoods with no one even looking out their windows to see me pass by . I want that lonely feeling because I want it to make me want to be home when I 'm there , where I can find that focus point and that stillness in the middle of chaos . And the worried phone call brings me home and I wonder if this was the part where Shackleton 's boat is frozen in place , where the whole goal comes splintering apart . 60 / 252 December 29 : There 's always a moment that 's decisive in a big effort . Today was that one . After last night I thought it was over , that I wouldn 't ride at all today . Not even half done . A few years of attempting the Festive 500 have taught me that you can 't register a zero km day . I didn 't have any extra child care coverage so it was going to have to be worked around spousal working hours , which meant riding in the dark . I had pretty much resigned myself to the quest being over , though I still had plans to go out for a long ride with Carl on the 30th . Why cancel perfectly good ride plans ? Then my wife shoved me out the door , pretty much , saying " aren 't you going to ride ? " So I kitted up after dinner and off I went into the night , cruising through Teltow in the dark with Johnny Cash 's version of " Hurt " ringing in my ears . The cold was truly setting in and I was glad for shoe covers and real gloves and the spare glove liners in my pocket . Rolling past oddly whirring windmills in the dark , surprised and then inspired at one point by the rumbling sound of a freight train catching and passing me out by Sputendorf and I felt like I would just keep turning the pedals over and over and over , spinning on into myself in the dark . My legs didn 't hurt and the cold made me feel alive and the shocked teenagers I rode by just made me laugh . Maybe this might be possible ? 45 / 207 December 30 : The one day I 'd actually shown some foresight and planned in child care , with the babysitter showing up in the early afternoon and plans to meet up with Carl for a long road loop plus whatever I could fit in before dinner . I had hopes for 110km or so , which would mean another long day on the 31st ( and a double workout at that ) . Running it closer than ideal , but I was still in it . Nonetheless , at 1 : 00 the sun already looked like late afternoon and the wind was coming up . I was tired and so was grateful for the company as we rolled south out of town , or the temptation to just bag it and go home would have been strong . It was a cold , cold wind blowing out of the southeast . Carl and I chatted and occasionally traded off at the front to give the other a rest . As we ground through the dorfs and past farm fields and yet more windmills the sun flared ever more orange toward the horizon . We bounced over the cobbled stretch at Kietz and my legs went from sprightly to fried in the span of about eight minutes . A water refill at Carl 's place when he dropped off near dusk and I was back out on my own , and the wind now seemed to come from every direction . ( I 'd also screwed up the GPS tally again by forgetting to start the timer after leaving Carl 's place . ) As the sun set I foolishly added on an extra out and back climb , thinking that the standard Grünewald loop wouldn 't get me the klicks I needed . The wind and my failing legs meant I was crawling at this point , though , and I had to then turn the loop into another out and back to get home only an hour after dark . I dragged in at 110km on the day , obsessed with the notion of a beer and ham and a hot shower and trying not to think too much about the double stage I had just teed up for myself on New Year 's Eve . 113 / 94 December 31 : Part 1 - my alarm went off at 04 : 45 , and motivated by fear of falling short because of something mundane like oversleeping , I made a beeline for the coffee machine . The morning was cold and windy and clear , with a low moon casting shadows through the trees . The wind was blessedly at a different angle than the night before , so there were actually a few tailwind sections . All the same , it was a slog , the lowest point on the bike all week in physical terms . My knee ached . For the first time I feared I wouldn 't physically be able to do this or that I would destroy my chances of riding this spring . Dread flickered through my mind with each pedal stroke while paradoxically I 'm thinking keep ticking over ticking over ticking over and then I 'm rolling up the driveway and craving a nap . Just around 50km left to go , too close to give up now . 50 / 44 Sent the wife off to work with her coffee , and managed to get about an hour of sleep in . This was disproportionately rejuvenating . After a frantic run to the grocery store for supplies ahead of New Year 's and Sunday closures and the kids ' mega sleepover ( five kids in one house for three days is almost a blog - worthy epic in itself ) , and resorting to giving myself a haircut when I couldn 't find anywhere open or available , I kitted up to roll out as soon as my wife returned from her own hair appointment . We had formal New Year 's plans , you see . If I was crawling like I had the night before or just this morning , this could get ugly . Before After Part 2 - I got out just before dusk and set out on the same lake loop as on Christmas Day . The wind was gone , the clouds were holding in a little more heat , and my legs somehow felt better than either of the previous two days . It was a lovely ride , remarkable only in its unremarkable … niceness . I felt good , and watching the lights come on and the first fireworks from those too impatient to wait until midnight was as far away as possible from the willful sensory deprivation of earlier in the week . In perfect symmetry , I ticked over 500km at the same spot where the GPS battery gave out on Day 2 . A light rain started , and I marveled at having been so lucky with the weather - only the second time I had been rained on all week . I rolled home damp and ahead of schedule and did a meek little hop of joy once I got off the bike - I was so much more tired than I realized . 59 / - 15 The Festive 500 is of course trivial , arbitrary , and silly - it is , after all , a marketing gimmick by a cycling clothes company . It 's also a real challenge . Not so much for the distance , but for the time management , motivation , and relationship hurdles that come with putting in that many hours in the saddle in the season with the shortest days and most social obligations . I like to pretend that the kids noticed that I was out riding in the dark and the cold to meet a goal . I thanked my wife for indulging my pursuit of lines on a map and numbers on a computer screen . How does that shake out in the end balance ? I 'm not sure . But I do think now about that freight train , a chain of black shapes and red lights against a dark sky , rolling on through the night , sure of its destination . Last year , I was pretty ecstatic . This year , I wanted better . That said , I 'm pleased . I went into the race fighting off some sniffles , courtesy of my daughter , and still had it for a solid placing . From there it was just a slow ebb of power . I had one speed , whether I was trying to jump out of a corner or motor along on the flat , so I would close gaps on the technical sections and then see them open up again as soon as the course straightened out . The DCCX course was still soft from a drenching on Wednesday , and the long power climbs were like riding through bubble gum . I 'm just out of time to do this report properly right now , but aiming to post something before I forget it all . We all ( me , wife , son , daughter ) headed out to Winchester for the Apple Cross on Sunday . The rain of the previous week weeks month , plus the 2 : 00 start time , meant the course was torn up and downright boggy in lots of places . I had a great time . We needed all of that . It 's been a rough couple of months , and a particularly stressful last two weeks . I missed my first three races of the season , including my own team 's event . I needed something to blow out the pipes and get a race under my belt ; we needed to hang out as a family ; the kids needed to burn off all the excess energy from being cooped up over the last few weeks ; and I needed to see my wife in some of her many roles , beautiful woman , athlete , mother , caretaker and supporter . I think would have been happy with a nondescript mid - pack finish . Add in all that other great stuff and improving by a few places on last year 's finish , and I 'm delighted . I 'll be going back to that well of happiness a lot in the months ahead , I can tell . The key becomes finding ways to stay motivated and interested . Last year , I came across workout videos by The Sufferfest , which combine footage from pro and elite amateur races , on - screen interval prompts ( and taunts ) , and great soundtracks . I actually found them a bit too intense for early - season base training , but for the top - end work you need to replace a rained - out ' cross practice , they were ideal . The kind ( ? ) folks at The Sufferfest were kind enough to send a copy of their latest video for review . " A Very Dark Place " fits neatly within an hour , so you get your quality work in a small amount of time . The focus is on VO2 max - style intervals , going nearly all - out for 4 : 00 each . But these aren 't just put - your - head - down - and - gut - it - out efforts , as the workout combines on - screen prompts and carefully chosen race footage to throw in surges and simulations of attacks and steep , grinding climbs . In fact , if I have a significant quibble with this workout over my other Sufferfest favorites ( I 'm a huge fan of " Fight Club " and " Revolver " ) it 's that the intervals are complicated enough that it 's hard at times to follow the prompts . By the third interval , you 're gasping for air as you try to follow Gilbert and the Schlecks in Liege - Bastogne - Liege , and squinting through sweat , tears and snot to read a new prompt on sitting / standing / cadence every 10 seconds is a bit much . It 's a sequence that seems more suited to a spin class or group workout , where an instructor can call out directions . My other whine is really just the fact that I 'm getting old and don 't warm up as quickly as I used to . Five minutes ( ok , seven with the intro screens at the beginning ) plus a couple of : 30 sprints just doesn 't do it for me . The sprints are good and help get things started , but for me , at least , I need closer to 15 minutes of warmup before I can get the most out of the first interval . That 's easily remedied , however , with a few minutes more spinning before I hit " play . " … even if I had to miss it this time around . Life intervened , and besides discovering that when I 'm stressed and can 't ride my default reaction is to eat more ( great recipe for maintaining racing weight , eh ? ) I was utterly slammed . I was lucky enough , however , to work with some absolutely incredible sponsors in putting the race together . This is by no means the exhaustive list because there 's just not room to list them all . However , these were the folks I talked to directly and know the best . Soigneur Embrocation came through in a major way with tons of swag . Unfortunately for me , we gave it all away , so I still haven 't tried this stuff . Definitely on the list of embro to try soon , though . I might be most proud , however , of linking up with an old friend at Cyclocross Magazine and lining up digital subscriptions to give out as prizes . CX Mag is the only national publication exclusively covering the sport in the U . S . , and is an absolute pleasure to read , every single issue . It 's been fun to watch them grow , and their website is really rocking as well . Why , for example , check out this race report on the Cyclocross Magazine website ! Reading it makes me even sadder that I wasn 't there , actually . This isn 't the full list ; my teammates did an amazing job recruiting sponsors and our sponsors reciprocated with great support . Check out the logos on our race announcement page for a more expansive list and direct links to our sponsors ' websites . Seriously , these folks supported our sport and helped us make the Tacchino the awesome event that everyone keeps telling me it was ( rub it in , why don 't you ? ) . Do them a solid and think about sending some love their way . I should have known I 'd done something to incite nature 's ire after the fourth dime - size - or - larger bug smacked into my cheekbone . I had gone out to do climbing repeats to squeeze in a quality workout around a family visit . Fortunately , my wife 's mother lives about two miles from a 1 . 5 - mile , 1000 - ft climb . Proof of how perception doesn 't match reality : I felt awful , couldn 't remember whether the times I was seeing were any good , and bagged it after two repeats , thinking I was crawling up the hill . Looked it up on Strava afterwards , and I 'd actually set a p . r . and third - best time . Shows what I know . ( I 'll write later about my love affair with Strava . The KOM comparison is a fun toy , but the feature of seeing within seconds how I 'm doing vs . myself is far , far easier and more useful than any other training log program I 've used . ) I turned for home , planning an easy tempo for the rest of the way back . I was about to ride across a freeway overpass , thinking profound things about the waffle cookie with peanut butter I 'd just eaten , when I picked up a flash of beige movement in the bushes to the right . In an instant , there was a deer directly in front of me , with a second following it across the road . They were both fairly small , no antlers , so probably just born this past spring . My hands were back on the shoulders of the bar , too far to reach the brakes , so I tried to head to the right . The first deer made it fine , but I clipped the back leg of the second one with my front wheel and bounced off to the right as I heard the deer grunt and its hooves skitter on the pavement . My right foot came out of the pedal , and as I 'd already been shifting my weight back , I wound up with my stomach on the saddle , hands on the tops , left foot in the pedal , right leg unclipped and thigh dragging on the rear tire . I was wobbling quite a bit now and was 100 % convinced I was going down , so I aimed for the grassy shoulder . With a jolt and a bounce , somehow I stayed upright over the blessedly low curb and went up into the grass , and was able drag my foot to stop . By the time I turned around to look at the deer they were both gone . The damage was inconsequential . Something ( the curb , I imagine ) knocked the front wheel a bit out of true , the bars were slightly twisted , and there is now a gouge in the toe of my right shoe , but apart from a light tire burn on my thigh and a bath of adrenaline , I was unscathed . With the fight - or - flight supercharge , I actually debated going back for another hill repeat once I got going again . Common sense ( laziness ? ) prevailed , though , and I rolled on through a headwind , with one last bug smacking me in the ear about a quarter - mile before the last turn down the street to my wife 's childhood home . RT @ philgaimon : To those asking how they can support " Worst Retirement Ever " : I 'm fine . Give here instead : join . nokidhungry . org / site / TR ? px = 334 … @ nokidhu … 8 hours ago
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Hello , today I called a wingstop branch to place an order to the store located at 651 nw 62nd street Miami , Florida 33150 . I called this store from 11am until 1225pm . When i reached the restaraunt physically while calling in between 11am and 12pm ; I went online and place the order due to the fact no one picked up the phone . I place and ordered totaling $ 31 . 44 . Well I arrive to the location only to find the location was closed up . I have checked my bank statement online and see that you all have charged me for the food that i never recieved . I am asking that you please return the funds back immediately . Thank you . ReplyDelete I went to the store in Lufkin on 1 / 6 / 13 and ordered the 30 family pack . I ordered 5 extra wings and 1 extra large fries . When I got home to eat the food the wings were still raw so I tried to call the store but they were already closed . I called the next morning and the manager Marissa told me to bring in the wings and that she would replace the order . I told her that I was going out of town and didnt want the wings until I came back . I did go drop the wings off and the male working the register took them from me . Marissa told me that she would keep my name at the counter to get the replacement of the family pack . I called the store on 1 / 12 / 13 and the girl working at night said she could find my name . She said she was going to call Marissa and would call me back . After 45 minutes I called the store back and she said that Marissa instructed her that I was to come and get my wings on 1 / 7 / 13 . I had told her that I was going out of town and she said that it was ok to call the following weekend when I returned . I feel that the manager Marissa is extremely poor with customer service and she couldn 't keep her word . If I knew she was going to scam me I would have just gotten a refund on the day I took the raw wings . I did tell the management that I would call their corporate office and they didn 't seem to care . I don 't think it 's right for them to just take my money and not give me what I paid for . I would like someone to contact me regarding this issue because I won 't stand to be out of money for poor food quality and service . ReplyDelete Hey , I went to the store on i45 and west rd . Late night on 3 / 3 / 13 and order the 20 wings , large ff , 6 rolls . . and the next mourning me and my wife was throwing up every 30 mins . For the past 2 days . . I 'm a hard working man who hates to miss out on making money for my family . . behind nasty chick . . pls look into those young kids yall have cooking in your kitchen . . . Hi , well I went to the wingstop located in Seaside , Ca and I have the worst customer service ever . I order the 15 boneless combo and the guy offered if I wanted 5 more for $ 3 something and I agreed . When I got home I noticed that they were regular wings and not boneless , so I called wanting my money back or exchange because I really don 't like the regular ones at all . So the guy that answered passed me to the manager and the manager , Carlos , was the one who took my order and he says he remembers me going and wanting the regular wings . I know I didn 't ask for regular ones I know I specifically said boneless he even repeated after and so did the guy that gave me my order . He is the rudest manager I have ever came across with he had no good customer service what 's so ever , he basically called me a liar and said he " knows " he did right in his end and it was me who misunderstood . No one ever calls a customer a liar , the customer is always right I don 't know what kind of people wingstop hires to manages their restaurant , I am really upset . Plus we didn 't even get the 5 extra wings and he never even offered to returny money or exchange my food , all he told me was that next time I go he 'll give me a discount . Like if I 'm ever going back . ReplyDelete I have been a long time fanatic of wing stop I dine in twice a week at the same location for the past years after the poor service & uncooked raw wings that I have received I can really say I had to be that one lucky one to receive poor service & uncooked raw wings When I tried to lodge a complaint with your employees there was sarcastic and they did not take my complaint seriously . I sincerely hope that disciplinary action will be taken against the errant person , your cook who said he had cooked the wings for 17 min and therefore he would not be able to replace nor recook the wings , apparently the ignorant cook thought I was ignorant & thought I would love to enjoy eating raw food I am so disgusted that not only the poor quality of uncooked " RAW " Food matched up the quality of service my family & I have received I 'm disappointed that a company would provide such substandard of customer service as well after I complaint & left a msg with corporate my call was return on Monday & I still await a phone call from the restaurant owner will today is Wednesday & I am sure that they didnt care about their customers feedback or concerns not only did I receive poor customer service raw wings as well I had company at my table w / flies . ReplyDelete They are idiots , they hire who ever to be manager , the idiot manager I have he never ask for any documentation so am guessing he was going to ask for it later when they would be more settle since it was a new store , after 2 weeks of working I came to get my paycheck on friday and they said I can 't get my check because I dint show them my social security so I brought all they ask , he said ok u good u can get it monday since office close on the weekend bitch tells me tuesday that I still . Need to bring the form he gave me i9 that he never ask for when I apply he said take it home because I dint knw how to fill it out he was going out for luncjh so he left , so I brought that piece of shit paper and he kept saying that the owner hasn 't came with the check I ask for the office number and he 's dumb ass told me he can 't give that information that I have to speek trough him I dnt have anything to tlk to him I want my check , because of people like my manager jonathan from wingstop at yale people dnt care about their job and give poor service or spit on peoples food or throw buggers on customers food , not saying I did , but is almost friday time for second paycheck hope I get both of my checks , stupid retard anyone can open a restaurant but can u maintain it , can u manage it ! Can u try giving at least the benefit of getting pay , idiots , plus manager has gone home early because he over drank on shift he goes takes nap to his car , brings girls to eat and drink for free ( one time ) let 's me go home for an hour without clcking out , or I almost forgot everyones schedule is post on the wall but mines I find all this very discrimitary maybe because am from another country and my work autorization expire allready he thinks he can , I really dnt care what goes thru his mind I just want to get paid , I love Wingstop and use to go twice a week . I go to the one on 65th street in sacramento California . I 've went a few times Friday and Saturday and int these days its like a party . The workers mainly the males in back are drinking smoking listing to loud profane music . It if very unprofessional . The cashiers are polite and work with you when you have a issue but the mangers and cooks are rude . I have stopped going as much due to the fact i don 't want to drive 15 mins to another Wingstop . . I have talked to the owner Mr . coung but he doesn 't day anything but sorry and that he 'll look into it . I just got back from the wingstop in Moreno Valley , CA about 45 minutes ago . First I want to state that the food was good . The only problem with the food was the fries weren 't seasoned and that is my favorite thing about them . As disappointing as that was , it wasn 't the main issue . My sister - in - law placed an APP order for me under her name for a family meal that included 25 wings , 3 rolls , vegetables and 1 large fry and the APP said it would be ready in 45 minutes . My sister - in - law also placed her own order of 2 large fries . She placed the order at 4pm so we got there at 4 : 50pm and the order wasn 't ready yet and her APP order didn 't go through . We had no problem waiting . Then the nice young gentlemen named Javier , who was the only person working up front while it was really busy , was taking phone orders , APP orders , and helping the long line of patient customers . He was indeed on the ball and really respectful but the the rude woman named Joy , who I assumed to be the manager , was belittling Javier . He told her 3 times that he needed her to make 3 large fries , respectfully , and each time she cut him off and insisted she knew what she was doing but in the end she gave us only 2 . She was loud and obvious when she was yelling at Javier that I found it extremely disrespectful to him and me as well . I don 't know what the expectations wingstop carries for a managers position but she made it look like wingstop does not expect class or respect as 2 of the most important qualities . ReplyDelete How can you get rid of the greatest wing flavor of all time ? I was never really a fan of wingstop until I had your Mango Habanero sauce . I can truthfully tell you that the Mango Habanero wing sauce changed my life . The first time I bit into a juicy chicken wing covered in the Mango Habanero sauce it was like I tasted a chicken wing for the first time . The sauce was so good in fact , that my brother in law and I started to order 30 of the Mango Habanero wings every Thursday night for dinner . By getting rid of that sauce you have lost a very loyal customer . There is no other reason for me to choose your wings over the competition . I will be forced to call , text , post , and email complaints about your business until you bring back the Mango Habanero wing sauce . And I hope all other Mango Habanero lovers who read this will join me in this fight to restore the greatest wing flavor of all time . ReplyDelete How can you get rid of the greatest wing flavor of all time ? I was never really a fan of wingstop until I had your Mango Habanero sauce . I can truthfully tell you that the Mango Habanero wing sauce changed my life . The first time I bit into a juicy chicken wing covered in the Mango Habanero sauce it was like I tasted a chicken wing for the first time . The sauce was so good in fact , that my brother in law and I started to order 30 of the Mango Habanero wings every Thursday night for dinner . By getting rid of that sauce you have lost a very loyal customer . There is no other reason for me to choose your wings over the competition . I will be forced to call , text , post , and email complaints about your business until you bring back the Mango Habanero wing sauce . And I hope all other Mango Habanero lovers who read this will join me in this fight to restore the greatest wing flavor of all time . ReplyDelete WOODCHIP3R said exactly what I was thinking I didn 't like going to wing stop before I only took my wife because she liked it I didn 't eat there . however when you started selling the mango habanero sauce I fell in love with it and I started taking my wife so I could eat those delicious wings . Now that you have stopped selling them there is no reason for me to eat there any longer . I hope you bring it back fast cause I was so desperate I went to BUFFALO WILD WINGS to buy their mango habanero sause and bright it to a wing stop to eat with your wings . . . . it wasn 't the same . Please bring it back . Thanks you Went into your store on Mcart and Altamesa in Ft Worth , Texas and saw the sign out front looking for a store manager . I can see why now . The store was nasty inside and I placed a order to go . The little spanish girl was very inpolite and hard to understand . I attempted to use my gift card received for Chtistmas . She said the card was no good . Did not offer to manually enter the numbers on back . I called the number and was told I had a balance . This store has gone downhill fast . I have been going to the Wing Stop in Oklahoma city on 39th expressway for years and I was always satisfied . Service and food was good . But since the management has changed it sucks . Staff has a very bad attitude as if they don 't give a damn . The place is a mess , to go orders are always missing something . When you call an order in , they tell you 14min . when picking it up you have to wait another 15 - 20 minutes before you get your order . When I mentioned it to one of the staff how upset I was about the service , she cops an attitude and mouths back . Is that customer service ? ? ? ? ? It 's like a bunch of kids running a lemonade stand . TOTALLY UNPROFESSIONAL ! ! ! ! ! Yesterday I ordered a 10 piece combo that includes a soft - drink . Well come to find out , their soda machine was out of CO2 and 3 of the flavors were out of order . One customer that was waiting for his food was also very upset about the service . Corporate should take a look at this store . This store is giving Win Stop a very bad name . Terrible Service ! ! ! ! ! ReplyDelete My husband was hospitalized for 4 days due to surgery he was released yesterday 3 / 27 / 14 and craved WingStop that evening around 7 : 30pm , we are regulars at the location in Rancho Cucamonga Ca . On Archibald st . He place an order by phone and they said the order would be ready in 14min . Due to him unable to drive and on medication I went to pick up the order with his debit card . When I got there they did not accept debit just cash and credit card . I understand that there 's so much fraud out there but why didnt they say that when people place orders . I explained his situation offered my info and to call him . The manager who i did not recognized said if he 's not there we can 't pick up the order . Ok , so I went home got my husband handicapped and still in the hospital gown barely able to get up and take him there so they can see him so we can pay . My husband said , " since we had to go through this trouble I bet our food is cold now do we get any comp ? " and the " manager " said , " No sorry but I didn 't tell her to go get you " in a very sarcastic way . The girl at the register said she will redip our french fries . . . really ? Overall I understand the cardholder needed to be present but the manager had attitude and was rude and unprofessional about the whole situation . When we got home our food was cold I called and asked for the name of the manger the girl must have new it was me because she hesitated and put me on hold , then got back on the line and said his name was Phil . What happened to our happy customer service ? If you 're not happy where you work , do something else for a living cause its a bad look for WingStop . I called Wing Stop to place a call in order this morning . The guy " Donte " that answered the phone is obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed . I explained to him what I wanted and that I had a coupon that I had received in the mail . He repeated the order back and had everything backwards , so explained it to him once more . I told them I wanted my order ready at a specific time and I arrived 10 minutes early to pick up the order . I was expecting to wait , but they already had everything ready , which tells me my food would have sat there for 10 minutes if I had arrived at the time I ask the order to e ready . The wing stop in Paris has a drive thru , but you cannot get a fountain drink through the drive thru . This makes no sense to me at all . So they give me bottle drinks and I am just happy I didn 't have to get out and go in . I get my food and my drinks and I leave . I go to meet my husband and take him lunch and when I get there we open the bag and start pulling everything out and I first noticed that my fries were ice cold . The ones on the bottom weren 't even warm . Then I noticed there was only one ranch dressing . I call the restaurant and ask to speak with the manager , I explained to him the our fries were cold and we only receive one ranch dressing . He explained that he would replace the fries but it was going to be $ 0 . 86 for the ranch dressing . I asked him why there was going to be a charge for the dressing and he stated that when you use a coupon you have to purchase the dressing separately . I said that 's fine but I told the guy on the phone , " Donte " that I wanted ranch with my wings . The manager stated that he would replace the fries but there would be a charge for the ranch . At this point I am furious . I told him I would be driving all the way back across town to get my fries and would be there at a certain time . Then I asked him if he was seriously going to charge me $ 0 . 86 for a thing of dressing after this huge inconvenience . At first he acted like I was trying to get something for free , which made me evenAnonymousMay 13 , 2014 at 4 : 48 PM so first off the wingstop in Columbus ohio off stelzer is good but they hire who ever they want to be managers I am a ex employee and will never work at wingstop again I rather die homeless than work for them again and I have a friend that works there that has been there sents day one and still is not a manager but the girl that is sucked the other managers dick to get were she is ( watch the cameras you will see him touching on her and them always playing ) and then they just hired some new people and made them managers coming in the door when ever my order is wrong because the managers don 't like me they give me a hassle to get a new order the head guy matt don 't want to fix anything they almost had to shut the store down because of a gas leak that he don 't want to fix and the tore cord is hanging off the fryier with a paper clip . I have contacted the better business bureau and will continue to leave complaints until I see the store shut down or see some changes and I have been letting people that I know that eat there to never go back there and they said they wont so this wingstop will be losing money soon . ReplyDelete I have been looking forward to comin in watching the USA VS . PORTUGAL game all week only to come in and find out tha LIZ the manager comes to work to listen to her choice of music rather than satisfy the 20 plus customers like myself that came specifically to watch the game and dine . Well $ 20 dollars and 12 cents later i am watching a muted game over teenie - bopper music yet i see no teen agers in the establishment or anyone else dancing for that matter . I would not recoment this location for any sporting events to anyone - quick half time get here soon so i can gi watch the second portion of the game at another location . LOCATION : WINGSTOP ON 7959 FREDERICKSBURG RD . # 151 ( Amanda ) cashier was kind enough to relay my request but MANAGER ( LIZ ) was such a BITCH to shut the music off and put the game 's audio . I have been looking forward to comin in watching the USA VS . PORTUGAL game all week only to come in and find out tha LIZ the manager comes to work to listen to her choice of music rather than satisfy the 20 plus customers like myself that came specifically to watch the game and dine . Well $ 20 dollars and 12 cents later i am watching a muted game over teenie - bopper music yet i see no teen agers in the establishment or anyone else dancing for that matter . I would not recoment this location for any sporting events to anyone - quick half time get here soon so i can gi watch the second portion of the game at another location . LOCATION : WINGSTOP ON 7959 FREDERICKSBURG RD . # 151 ( Amanda ) cashier was kind enough to relay my request but MANAGER ( LIZ ) was such a BITCH to shut the music off and put the game 's audio . I have a complaint that occured this past Sunday , which happened to be Super Bowl Sunday . I went inside the store to dine in , and was greeted with " do you have a call in order " ? I replied no , i am here to dine in . He then said , we are not serving people due to the super bowl . I am sorry , but you NEVER turn away paying customers ! ! ! That is very poor business ! I don 't care how many orders you have for super bowl , you bring in ALL of your employees , you prepare for this time , it is not like you don 't know that it is coming ! You work your asses off and you take care of your paying customers ! Whether we called in ahead or walking in to order . If this is how you conduct business , then i will never spend my money in any of your stores again . This happened at the Springfield , Missouri location on Battlefield . This is completely unnacceptable and inappropriate behavior on your part ! . . . . . . . . Very dissappointed , Rose Duke Shame on you Wing Stop . I did not know that corporations such as yours got involved in politics . I live in San Fernando , CA and there is a banner hanging on your building for a candidate that is running for City Council in our city . His name is Jessie Avila . San Fernando is in an ugly political battle with Special Interest . Your establishment now stands for " Special Interest " . How sad that you would get involved in politics when your have not even opened your doors for business . Please note that there are hundred of people against these Special Interest groups in our city . My family will not be eating at your restaurant and I will pass this information on to family and friends . This location is so mismanaged ( 3309 Dallas Pkwy Suite 499 , Plano , TX . We placed an order online for a Mixed Combo . This is supposed to be 4 classic wings and 4 boneless wings with fries and a drink . I also added an additional drink ( upgrade both to large ) and order 2 orders of baked beans . When I arrived to pick up our order the gentleman behind the counter told me my total and I paid him . He handed me my order without my drinks . I explained to him that I was supposed to get drinks and he wanted to argue with me . I told him , read the receipt . He then handed me to cups for my drinks . I should have taken this as a warning of things to come . When I got to our office and we opened the order , it was a mess . They had sent only classic wings ( my secretary will not eat chicken on the bone ) , the fries looked like they were cooked a couple of hours earlier ( limp and greasy ) , the beans were runny ( like they were watered down ) . On top of it all the wings were so over cooked they were not edible . I immediately called the location . The person that answered the phone was out in la la land . I asked to speak to the GM . It took him a good 5 minutes to come to the phone . When I explained my disappointment with the order being incorrect and my disappointment in the quality , he said " what do you want me to do about it " ( btw the GM 's name is Hons ) . I told him I wanted the order replaced . He said well I am looking at your online order and it does not say mixed combo . We will replace the 4 boneless wings , but that is all . I said this food is not edible . I asked for the district manager or owner 's number and he refused to give them to me . He then said " we are a franchise and the corporate office cannot make us do anything to us . I have sent gone on the corporate office website to contact them . They only have an online contact form . We have contacted them on two separate occasions thru their contact form . They have yet contacted me back . This all took place on 2 / 10 / 2015 . Maybe the Putz general manager knew what he was talking about . The ReplyDelete Online form does not say the card holder must be present at time of pick up . Neither does the email confirmation . it says that the card must be presented . Additionally it states that for LARGE orders or out of area orders , a photo ID must be presented . i would not think a 30 $ order would be substantial enough for your company to think it is a high risk . i was just released from the hospital for a motorcycle accident . I attempted to explain this to the manager ( Jasmine ) of the store while i had her on my wife 's cell phone who was attempting to pick up the order . Even though i offered to " facetime " with her so that she could both verify my ID as well as my broken collar bone , arm and ribs that challenged me in picking the order up , she adamantly stated , in a blunt manner , that there were no concessions that she could make . i then had my daughter drive me to the store so that i did not have to wait 7 days to get reimbursed on my card by my wife paying cash . When i arrived she stated the the owner also said that if i did not like the stores rules that I should not frequent the establishment again . This was the worst customer service experience that i have encountered in years . I along with several of my coworkers pay for each others lunches online and have never had an issue of any kind like this . Does your company allow different locals to treat the online patrons differently ? The business adage of the customer is always right may be a misnomer however the saying that there are always exceptions to rules should be abided to if you want to do right by the business and ultimately the customer . I would like to say this is sat may 2 , 2015 . I went to the location off of ledbetter in dallas texas right off the corner of Lancaster . After placing the order the workers stated that it would be 20 minutes after 20 minutes I went back in and a young lady was very rude . I asked for the manager and he stated it would be another 20 minutes I stated you said that 20 minutes age , then he replied " it will be 30 minutes " I asked for my money back and he through it thru the windows . I have decided to use blog team at my job to blast the company for this type of treatment . I went to JJ 's on Camp Wisdom land they treated me with kindness and serviced us . thanks JJ ; s . Please do not use Wing Stop in Dallas , Texas on Ledbetter off Camp Wisdom . Steven S . ReplyDelete We 'd gone to Wingstop in Pearland Tx . June 6 , 2015 and my Strips were served " Raw " , not to mention my 16 year old daughter witnessed the Employees being " Racist . " I didn 't even eat the food , and they didn 't offer to refund my money . I was so Alarmed at what I 'd seen the Employees do , I 'd filed a complaint with the Corporate office on June 9th . I was told that someone would contact me with a resolution , but no one did . I contacted them again on June 17th , and still no one has contacted me yet . It is now June 27th , and Wingstop Corporation didn 't even attempt to send me a Gift Certificate to so much as compensate me for the Meal I was unable to eat . Not to mention this isn 't the first time we 'd experienced " Poor Customer Service " at this particular location . My husband refuses to go back to this location . But my daughters and I really " Enjoy " our Girls day every other Weekend at Wingstop . Perhaps we need to find a new Establishment that " Appreciates and Respects " its Customers . I am Truly " Disappointed " that this company didn 't care enough to so much as " Apologize " for our Experience . ReplyDelete I am sorry to say that this is not my first email to your company about this store . . Yes I get that this is a franchise store therefore you guys just forward the info to the owner of this store . I would think that a company such as yours in the name wing stop and that it be a requirement for the franchise owners to hold up to the standards you expect . I eat at the wing stop in lemon grove and drive all the way from National City to do so . . I have years management experience and find it amazing that this store obviously lacks from extremely poor management as well as a poor DM who emailed me the last time . I have time and time again gave this store chances . . It is disgusting I possibly should just call the health dept since your corporate office wants to just pass the buck . The store is disgusting dirty I have turned around on numerous occasions and left because I lose my appetite and the coke machine has greasy fingers all over it all the time just nasty . The staff is rude and the chicken looks small compared to other wing stops . The fries are under cooked and soggy . This is my last straw I love wing stop and used to eat there at the least once a week but know unfortunately I have to drive to lemon grove rather then the wing stop down the street . I am sorry to say and I hope you guys just don 't pass the buck on this because one bad review can lead to many . . I have already posted on yelp twice next I will be contacting the BBB and the health dept . I would hope your corporate would prove me wrong other then being money hungry and not caring who buys into there franchise . . You best believe I will have my voice heard . I am honestly disgusted with wing stop just passing the buck for the mighty dollar . There is a wings and things just down the street although I have always been partial to the flavor of wing stop . At least wings and things store is spotless . The wing stop in national city is absolutely disgusting . Next step I will be contacting OSHA . I am a extremely dissatisfied customer who has been loyal for many yReplyDelete I came to Wing Stop on August 8 to order a 6 piece wing meal and had a coupon for 5 free wings . The manager at first did not want to accept the coupon but took it as a favor . When I received my order the manager read back from the receipt that included the 5 free wings , but when I got home the wings were not in there . I returned everything for my money back , but the manager would not give me back the coupon with the 5 free wings . ReplyDelete They have changed they bone - in wings . They used to be the best wing provider in the world , and now they are horrible . Please go back to the old wings you were providing . Sincerely , Begging U I work at wingstop store # 1009 in East Palo Alto , CA . My manager is Kevin Meraz and I feel like I 'm being mistreated and I 'm not the only one . One employee has put her two weeks notice in after Kevin told her he doesn 't need her when he has other employees yet is always calling to cover shifts for people that have a poor work ethic . Two others are planning on leaving because of this same thing as well as myself being that we are hard workers yet the low performance people are getting praised all the time . Kevin 's girlfriend is a manager as well at the same store but she never follows the rules even if he asks her to . Her sister works there as well and she gets to come and go as she pleases which doesn 't make since . When she doesn 't show up for a shift she doesn 't get in trouble yet everyone else does . I myself am a hard worker and provide the best quality food as well as keeping the store clean . Kevin has cut my hours due to the fact that I don 't blanch as fast as him even though I have to wait for the other worker to finish cleaning the fryers . These are things that are considered unacceptable in the workplace and I don 't think it 's right for him to do as he pleases . The store set up itself is a hazard since anywhere you turn there is something wrong . It 's that just your store , I used to be a manager for a store in Texas . The General Manager would leave the store half attended to run errands . He would always be on his phone , and used to give out FPs to his sancha . Not only that he 's good friends with upper management , which refuse to fire him . Best thing to do is get out , the brand is very negligent . This is a feed back on how you treat your employees who also work in the military and are trying to do better . My son got hired at one of your locations and told your manager in charge of scheduling work time the days he works on base here in San Antonio to not schedule him on thoses days because it interacts part of the time he has to go in when he is barely getting off of work on base . If he doesnt get there on time i know there is displineare on your employees . So i dont understand your schedule when a person can work any other time expect for thoses days he has duties in the military . I feel that your company should take into consideration if they also have two jobs not mentioning that there second job is active duty to help and serve our country . . . . . unfortunately he had to quit due to his schedule . . . . thank you for taking the time to read my comment . Your San Angelo , TX . Location of Wing Stop SUCKS ! ! ! When you tell somebody their food WILL be ready in 17 minutes ? You DAM ! WELL BETTER MEAN IT ! ! You BETTER send a secrete shopper to ALL your locations . You guys might get a motto created by WE the people : If its not made in the time said its FREE . ReplyDelete I was double billed online and the only contact Kendra at [ email protected ] said they would credit but they have not and it has been over 2 weeks . I am writing a complaint at the Better Business Bureau and checking to see if it would be worth filing a civil suit . ReplyDelete I recently left the Wingstop on 65th Street in Sacramento , 95819 , CA , the manager ( small Asian man ) was noticeably high . I am pretty sure these restaurants are franchised and individually owned but I can tell you with out a doubt he should not have been working . The Wingstop corporation should check it out as they still carry the name and ultimately should represent you well . On top of this , the restaurant itself was smoky , the ventilation was not good and the staff are definitely inhaling some toxins , I will also be contacting the local code enforcement to check this out as it was pretty bad . - signed , a very concerned Patron . Store manager from # 0666 has done this in the past which is inappropriate . I called and talked to " Alejandro " and clearly stated 3 separate orders . He read back exactly what was said without mistake . I was given a reasonable time of 20min for my order to be ready . Upon arrival my order was not made until I paid . . . again . Waited patiently but extremely upset . I arrived at home and the wings were combined in the same container and my combo order was incomplete . . again . Q1 . Are you allowing managers to prepare " call - in orders " when paid inside , if so take then why call in at all ! Take it off for the sake of management . Q2 . Are you allowing managers to save a few pennies by tossing mixed orders into one container or is this another method which managers can count wings when made . Q3 . Why are managers are not being trained to perfect a simple basic combo order when its being prepared by the manager themselves . They need to fully take responsibility and not push it to its employees beneath them . I have personally witnessed these instances and it is inappropriate of the store manager to run this location . I 'm more than positive this does happen to other customers because family and friends have stated the same service . Thank you store manager # 0666 you have convinced me and many others not to return to this location . Hopefully corporate will call me . . someday . I called in an order at the # 702 location and was told that it would be ready in 12 minutes . I work 15 minutes away and when I arrived my order was ready but the computers were down . They worked on the issues for another 20 minutes and by that time I was due back at work . They finally were able to get the computers working and I returned to work . I ordered for 3 other people and all of them complained that the boneless chicken was very salty ( I could not eat it and if I did I would have had an increased blood pressure and a headache ) . It was not edible and normally I don 't have that problem at the Miller Parkway location . I called the restaurant back and complained . I was told that I would have my order redone if I returned with the chicken . First of all , I had already used my lunch break . Second of all , I would have to go around the clinic and collecting chicken orders . Third of all , it was 12 / 30 / 16 and I was leaving right out of town after work for the holiday so please tell when was supposed to have the time to return salty chicken . It was such an inconvenience and a waste of my time and money . I will never visit that location again and I plan on reporting it to the BBB . I would like a refund for order # 10021 and definitely do not want store credit because I am not sure if I will ever go back again to any location . The order total is $ 36 . 89 and my contact information will be given once you respond to this email . I walked in store # 675 1 / 2 / 2017 11 : 53pm . I had to wait to be served just to be told that they was about to close . Remind you that the customers before me were getting served . I had already been in the store waiting and they chose to ignore me . I told the young man by the name of Jesus that , why would he have me standing and waiting that long . Jesus said he would ask his manager . Jesus come back and take my order but the manager was upset and clearly has a problem with it . I got home to receive over cooked hard chicken with no sauce or rub and grease pouring out the bag . My bill totaled $ 25 . 59 . The video need to be reviewed and those guys need to be fired . Food and sanitation is no joke . Wingstop is taking big risk hiring and allowing this type of behavior and service to go on . I am looking to take further action due to the discrimination of the matter . This was a waste of my time money and appetite . Horrible service ! ! 2240 S Cicero ave , Chicago IL is the Location .
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Disclaimer : The characters of Buffy , Willow , Xander , Giles , Cordelia and Oz are property of Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy , WB Network . I do not own them . I 'm just borrowing them to repair some of the hearts that have been broken far too long . I don 't intend to make any profit from writing this , so please ( as always ) don 't sue me . Feedback is very much appreciated , especially since this is my first Buffy - fic . But be kind . I 'm a mere mortal who doesn 't take flames very well . Willow headed out of the shower , wrapping herself in a big towel . She was freezing . The wind outside the house was howling and didn 't make her feel the least bit comfortable . The day hadn 't gone very well , Giles was in a particularly bad mood , Buffy was quiet , too quiet for Willow 's taste , but she didn 't seem to be able to get her out of her sad reverie . Oz was out of town , the band had been invited to come to San Francisco and they had chosen this particular week to do so . Great . Just when she was the loneliest she had ever been in the whole last year . So what about Xander ? Willow snuggled into the towel and switched off the light in the bathroom . Xander ? she thought . Where could he possibly be ? Somewhere with Cordy , surely not feeling as lonely as she did . Definitely not thinking about her right now . Why on earth should he be ? a little voice inside her head asked . He 's got a girlfriend , you 've got a boyfriend , so what 's the big deal ? Why should he think about you right now ? The voice grew quiet for a second and then asked again : Why are you thinking about him ? She rushed into her room and turned on the CD player again to make that enervating little voice go away . Her eyes had some difficulties adjusting to the darkness , but soon she found matches and lit up a candle . The music and the candle were perfect for oozing in self - pity . Only that she didn 't get the chance to . When she turned to get herself a pair of pajamas she nearly cried out . Someone was sitting in the dark corner of her room . Her heart was pounding and her hair stood on edge . She suddenly was very aware of how very much not - dressed she was . The urge to yell and run away was incredibly strong but for some reason she fought it . " What do you want ? Who are you ? " She hated herself for her own voice . Why did it have to sound so scared ? The person leaned forward into the light of the candle . " Sorry Will , did I scare you ? " Willow forgot about her current state of undress . " Alexander Harris ! " she said with a voice that lay somewhere between anger , laughter and still a bit of fear . " If you ever , I mean ever do that again , I 'll kill you with my own hands . " Her words must have had a completely different impact on him , ' cause he flinched and shrank back from her . " Whoa , easy , Wills . I 'm not the enemy ! " His words were supposed to sound funny , but in a strange way they didn 't . She forgot about her anger and pulled him back into the light . " Are you alright ? " she asked , concern in her brown eyes . " As always . " the snappy retort came . " Then why are you here ? " He turned away from her , looking out of the window into the night , were the heralds of a close storms where throwing little twigs against the house . It was an awkward noise mingling strangely into the soft sound of the music . " Do I need a reason to stop by ? " She gave him a level look . " Don 't mess with me Xander . You didn 't stop by for about four months and now you suddenly do and scare me half to death , hiding in the dark ? " She shook her head . " What 's wrong ? " " Left out the fact that I 'm getting back in the old goofball - mode , being deceived , and being damn lonely ? Nothing , really . " The words were so bitter that Willows heart contracted at the sound of them . " Did Cordy . . . " She hardly dared to speak the words . The consequences they brought with them were just . . . " Yeah . " Xander finished . " She did . While humiliating me in front of all the people I care about - not including you , ' cause you weren 't there - she told me , that she had another . " Willow couldn 't do much more than stare at Xander . " But why would she . . . " " I don 't know ! " Xander yelled . " And frankly , I don 't care . " When he looked down at Willow he regretted his harsh words right away . He sank back into the chair . Xander felt her looking up at him with her brown eyes expressing even greater concern than before . " I don 't know . " he repeated . " You know , I 'm not even sure if I really can say that I loved her . But it 's so damn . . . " " Say what ? " " That you 're not sure if you loved her . " His eyes darted around the room . " Because it is true . I don 't know . Because I never felt like , Wow , this is it . You know , this funny little feeling in your stomach that tells you : You 've found her . I never felt it . Sure we did a lot of kissing and . . . " " Xander ! " Willow raised her hand to stop him . She couldn 't take much more . Seeing the two of them practically lunging at each other as soon as they had the chance to had been hard enough . " I 'm not sure I want to know that in detail . " He flashed her a smile . " Sorry . " He paused . " But it didn 't get quite as far as you may think . " She raised an eyebrow but kept quiet . " I never felt like she wanted me for who I am . " He looked up again , warily hoping to see understanding in Willow 's eyes . The complete and utter sympathy that he found was nearly too much to bear . Why could she be so patient with him , over and over again ? He didn 't deserve this . " I know that this most likely won 't help , but I guess she just didn 't deserve you , Xander . You 're too good for her . " That last sentence did it . All the walls Xander Harris had erected to protect himself were crashing . He didn 't want her to see the breakdown . At least Willow should think of him as the happy - go - lucky guy . He didn 't want her to see the sorry boy that lay beneath that cover . He headed for the door , muttering , " Thanks , Willow . " The red - haired girl stared at his broad shoulders for a few seconds . " Xander , don 't . " " Don 't what ? " " Don 't bury this , too . It 's me , Willow , remember ? I 'm the last one you should hide your feelings from . " She smiled sadly . She got up , turned him around and embraced him tightly . He didn 't struggle , his arms clenched behind her back , nearly hurting her , but Willow didn 't care much . His sobs were stifled by her shoulder and she could feel his tears . She realized that his crying didn 't relate to Cordy . It was more the kind of pain you felt when you realized that you could be in a crowd of people but still feeling lonely . It was a long time ' til the quiet sobs ended . When he looked at her again , he tried to smile . " Sorry . " " That 's seems to be your favorite phrase tonight . " she teased lightly . She smiled and tried to lighten his mood . But for some reason it didn 't seem to work . Xander just stood there , staring at her wide - eyed . " Xander , what 's . . . " Aw , crap . she thought . With all her concern about Xander she had forgotten , that she still hadn 't changed into her pajamas . Xander 's constant staring caused her to blush ever so slightly . " Uhm , Xander ? Could you . . . snap out of it ? " He shook his head , just like he woke up from a particularly vivid dream and smiled apologetically . " Sorry . " He realized she was going to leave the room to change clothes . " Willow wait . " " I 'll be right back Xander , I just want to . . . " " No don 't . " Willow spun around and just stared at him , truly shocked . " What ? " " Willow , have I ever . . . ? " He swallowed hard . " I mean ever . . . told you . . . " " Right , if you tell me now how very beautiful I am , I 'm going to call the mental home . " she said , sarcasm darkening her voice . She was about to leave the room , when Xander 's quick reaction took her aback . He reached for her arm and led her in front of the mirror , taking the candle with him . " Look at that , Willow Rosenberg . " Willow blushed again . " Xander , stop it . I 've seen myself in the mirror a thousand times before . " " But I haven 't . I 've never seen you any more beautiful than tonight , Willow . " Xander drew in a sharp breath as he touched the bare skin of her shoulder . Droplets of the water hadn 't dried completely and glistened in the dim light of the candle . He was so close to her that he could smell the shower gel she 'd used , mixed with the smell of her skin . She had put up her hair to keep it from getting wet and that made her neck look just . . . perfect . " How blind was I . . . " Xander muttered under his breath . Willow closed her eyes . This was getting harder and harder to take . She could feel his breath on her bare skin . She could feel his body heat . Hell , she even could smell the aftershave he 'd used this morning . Stop it ! What are you doing ? ! she told herself forcefully , when she realized that her breath was beginning to quicken . " Xander , I can 't . . . " He tentatively put a finger over her lips . " Shh . Willow . Just let me look at you . " The storm outside raged on and suddenly threw a branch against Willow 's doors . She flinched and opened her eyes . This was so unreal . Yet much more real than she ever dreamed of . But then it hit her . " I 'm betraying him , Xander . I can 't betray him , I . . . " In her racing thoughts she kept repeating her boyfriend 's name like some kind of spell . Maybe it would make Xander leave . Before she could finish her thought , she found herself saying , " Xander , I . . . I can 't , I owe him . . . " " You owe him ? " Willow froze at his question . What made her say that ? Why didn 't she say that she loved him , and that there was no place for Xander ? She was supposed to say that . Why hadn 't she ? Because you know that it 'd have been a lie ? But what about right now ? Wasn 't this a lie , too ? Xander couldn 't possibly have discovered feelings for her . Not now . Not after such a brutally long time of not noticing his best friend . He was dealing with the loss of Cordy , perhaps with his loneliness , and he was doing it in a hormonal kind of way . " I don 't want to be your stopgap , Xander . " she stated . He stepped back and tried to hide his shock . " You don 't really think I would do that to you , now do you ? " Willow couldn 't meet his intense brown gaze . " You did before . " Of course he had . Xander mentally kicked himself . He did . And he remembered the hurt look on her face far too well . " Willow , I . . . " Again she put her hand up to silence him . " Don 't . Don 't say it . " She sighed and made one last attempt to get out of the room . It wasn 't too late yet . " Willow ! " His voice was merely a whisper , a dying plea . " Please don 't go . " " But why , Xander ? Why shouldn 't I go ? " He didn 't answer . Xander went to her door and turned the key to lock it . The only door remaining , her last chance was the door that led outside to the garden . But how was she going to explain that to her parents ? " Because I don 't want you to . " She watched him incredulously and started to tremble when he returned and put her back in front of the mirror . She knew that there was no way back now . And she wondered silently why she wasn 't even able to remember Oz 's face . It should have alarmed her . Instead all it did was loosen the emotional bond to Oz , a bond that was based on a love that just wasn 't strong enough . What a traitor she was . When Xander raised his hand to touch her again , he stopped . " Gosh , Will , I . . . I 'm scared . " She felt tears stinging in her eyes . Her last thoughts had just cut the bond . She was feeling the cut , the pain , the release . Deep down inside of her . But she couldn 't have done that to Oz , or could she ? " Me , too . " Willow took his hand and softly led it to her shoulder . Again , he felt like an electric surge had hit him . She was so incredibly smooth . Xander let his fingertips wander over her back and her arms , barely touching her . Carefully turning her around he cupped her face with his hands and gently brushed her lips with his thumbs . The urge to kiss her was hard to restrain . But he wanted to wait . Just to see this look in her eyes , somewhere between fear , excitement and a much stronger emotion . Xander reached up to her hair and released the tight knot . Her auburn hair fell in soft waves around her face . They were very close by now . Close enough for Willow to get on her tiptoes and kiss his eyes tenderly . She couldn 't think . What was she doing ? She wasn 't allowed to do this . They were best friends . . Her thoughts were washed away when Xander kissed her nose . A little smile lifted the corners of her mouth , but didn 't prevent her lower lip from quivering . Looking up into Xander 's dark eyes she wondered if she had made the right decision . Another long , horribly long time they just stood , their eyes locked . Until Xander couldn 't ignore his feelings any longer . He leant down and their lips met in a very tender first kiss , barely touching but enough to make their knees start to shake . There was no more thinking about what the others might say , when they found out , there was no more thinking about their friendship , no more thoughts about the hurt they might cause - the only thing that remained was the increasing need . Xander 's hands moved over her bare back on their own , while her hands had crept into his dark hair . In the dark It 's just you and I . Not a sound There 's not one sigh . Just the beat Of my poor heart In the dark . Long contained emotions welled up in Willow , causing her do deepen the kiss . Her little hands became more fervent , pushing Xander 's shirt from his shoulders . When their bare skins touched for the first time they knew that they were completely lost . Xander 's breath was ragged and he found it hard to stay in control with Willow 's fingernails raking over his back . He didn 't want to rush things . But if Willow kept that speed up , it would be over in a matter of minutes . " Wait . " he managed to say hoarsely . " Let me do this my way . " She looked at him , the sudden stop making her hesitate , bringing to her senses , making her argue with herself for a second . But they had known eachother their whole life . She knew it was alright . She hoped it would be . Xander was touched by the depths of her trust in him . He bent down and trailed butterfly kisses all over her face , but never taking his eyes from her . Slowly he went lower until his kisses reached the soft fabric of the towel she was still wrapped in . He looked up again . " Will , are you sure about this ? " One look into her eyes was enough . He didn 't need another answer . Slowly Xander took her in his arms and carried her over to the bed . Her breathing became irregular and her whole body was slightly trembling when he unwrapped her carefully . For quite some time he couldn 't do very much more than stare at her . Again . Did she know how truly beautiful she was ? Her pale skin was glistening in the candlelight and not just her skin - she was shining from an inner light he had never seen before . He could almost feel her every thought . It was not like they had never touched before . Sure they had , practically every day , but never like this . Even though Xander had to admit that he had dreamed of doing so someday . And she smelled so good . His kisses had reached her bellybutton . Her eyes were closed by now , she was savoring every moment as if it was a treasure she had to keep . His lips went back to hers and they met in a passionate kiss neither of them was willing to break . They finally managed to take off his clothes with breaking the kiss only for a split second . The scared look returned to Willows eyes when she opened them . Was she really going to do this ? Was she up to it ? She touched his arms and his chest and marveled on how astonishing good his skin felt under her fingers . Had she ever before thought of him in such a purely physical way ? Had she ever realized that he looked amazingly . . . Not like the goofball , but like a man ? The thoughts hit her with the full impact of a bomb and in a sudden moment of sheer panic she just pulled him close to her and held him . " Will , we don 't . . . " " Shh , just hold me for a moment . " she said . He held her and she clung to him as if she was drowning . This time it was her turn . " I 'm scared , Xander . " " I know Wills . Me too . " The honesty that shone from his eyes gave Willow the courage she needed . She knew it would hurt . But she was willing to share that pain with him , for him and to . . . Yeah , what ? Again her thoughts were washed away by his kisses . He gave her all the time she needed , and was being so incredibly gentle exploring the curves of her body . She 'd never thought of his hands as so sensitive . She 'd never thought of him as so tender . All her fears , everything she was frightened of since she had started thinking about this were gone . His urgent kisses became even more tender . She had thought about it often . Probably more often than she would ever admit , but she had never ever thought that it 'd be like this . Xander opened his eyes to look at her . Would she ever know that this was as new to him as it was to her ? Sex was easy , but this . . . This went so much further , it was like touching her very inside without doing so , like being part of her . It scared him out of his mind . But she felt so good . He never wanted to let go of her , never wanted to break the contact with her skin . He only hoped he didn 't hurt her . It would have been the last thing he could have lived with . Willow felt tiny little ripples starting to form inside of her . They were slowly getting bigger , and with them she found it harder and harder to keep quiet . But she had to , otherwise her parents would find out , and she didn 't dare to think about what would happen then . They 'd probably kill them both in an instant . She realized that Xander had accepted her wish . This was too fast for both of them . But even though she was grateful for it , she wished in some way , he wouldn 't have cared about it . The silent exploration of their bodies seemed to last an eternity , just until Xander slowed down completely and laid his head on her chest , fighting to breath normally . She stroked his dark hair and encircled him with her arms . What had just happened ? Had they really been taking that step together ? The step from friends to lovers ? It took her a while , but suddenly Willow understood , that what Xander had given her was so much more than the actual physical act could ever have been . He had showed her that he respected her and cared about her and . . . She stopped the thought and kissed his forehead . It didn 't matter now . Maybe later she would be able to cope with the feeling she had had for so long . Perhaps later she could understand what had happened . Xander was the one to find the strength to pull her comforter over the both of them . The storm hadn 't calmed down a bit , quite the opposite , it was growing stronger and stronger . The lovers lay snuggled close to one another , but besides the exhaustion he felt , Xander realized something different . A tear ran down Willow 's cheek . He slowly put himself up on one elbow to look at her . " Will , what 's wrong ? Did I . . . " He kissed the tear away . " No , Xander , you didn 't . I 'm just . . . confused . " She frowned at the look on his face . " What about you ? Why 's that look on your face ? " Xander swallowed . " Are you really okay with what just happened ? " Willow noticed the fear in his voice . " Xander , what 's wrong ? " He pulled her so close that she could hardly breathe . " I . . . I just don 't want this to be . . . It 'd kill me if this would ruin our friendship . You mean too much to me . I cannot lose you . " Willow gently kissed his hands . " Xander , you 're not really saying this , are you ? " she asked and smiled down at him , her eyes sparkling . He breathed a heavy sigh of relieve and snuggled his face into the space where her neck met her shoulder . " Willow . . . ? " " Yes ? " " I really . . . " She put a hand over his mouth . " Don 't say it , Xander . Not tonight . "
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But now that I 've discovered Jesus , my life has changed for the better . Jesus George , that is : nice guy , lives undera bridge in downtown Henderson . No , that 's a lie . I don 't know anyone called Jesus George . I simply threw in that line babout discovering Jesus ( a very common name in Spanish - speaking nations ) to see if you 'd choke on your mac - cheese . Not much to write about , actually . I 'm curious to find out what really happened with all the gang / police violence in Jamaica , but NZ media doesn 't seem to think it 's interesting enough . How about drawing paralells , chaps ? Jamaica / NZ ? Tiny countries , huge neighbours , gang problems , drug usage out of control ( yes , alcohol 's far deadlier . . ) , cricket - players . . If it happened there , could it happen here ? Tomorrow we celebrate Jenny 's Mum 's birthday . She 's 91 - I thought she was older : I blame it on my natural proclivity for exaggeration . Working as an advertising writer for a really bug number of years does that to you . My inhalation of brewed liquids will rise sharply : My thoroughly admirable brother - in - law and I will retire to a place where we can drink and tell tall tales about our youthful sexual prowess . Prior to that I am making the dinner : Boeuf Bourgignon as the main , Karen 's Sticky Date Pudding ( the best Sticky Date Pudding ever ) for dessert . Wine and beer to wash it down with . I 'm considering doing a seafood chowder to start : I do a fine one , featuring chili - and as little shellfish as possible . I will take requests for recipes , and may even respond . Andy Haden sucks , by the way . Thumbs up to him for starting the debate . If what he claims is correct , some serious arse - kicking needs doing . Thumbs vigourosly down for him suggesting that the words " darkie , honkie , hori " etc are harmless . They 're not . His acceptance of them indicates that he 's a closet racist ( as I am , by the way : I occasionally horrify myself by the odd stray thought that flashes across the cerebellum . Thoughts that deserve to be chased by a parabellum . ) and he needs to take a few lessons in what 's expected of a human being . The laziest and sorriest excuse for a thought is the phrase " PC gone mad " : he was in trouble when he uttered it . He merely demonstrated that he has a good grasp of cliches , and may indeed be incapable of individual and intelligent thought . Listening to : " Roots to Branches " , Jethro Tull . One of their five truly great albums . Making my heart bleed right now is the superb song " I 'm Beside Myself " . It 's a song that requires thought : Andy Haden may not be familiar with it . Coming up soon " At Last , Forever " , one of the finest love songs ever written . Reading : Still on the extraordinary " Directive 51 " , by John Barnes . Very witty , deeply cynical , and he 's a writer who 's not afraid to toss in a little philosophy : I 've just read two stimulating pages on thoughts and ideas having impetus beyond the mind : that they may well exist indepedantly after being brought into existence . Bloody gripping stuff , quite exciting . . . not what you 'd expect to find in a novel that wasn 't written by some drug - crazed Frenchman in the 19th century . More " Paper Heroes " : The first test is done . The first test is met . The first test is passed . The first three have wakened , successfully . Cienwyn speaks again . " I will be opening our window again , and invite you to approach us . Please do not be alarmed . I know that this may be difficult for you , Colonel Blunt , and you , Sergeant - Major Whistler . Mr Crayne , as you will be acquainted with cryogenics , I would ask that you look upon this as that type of operation . " Crayne 's smile is grim . Mortal injuries ? Cryogenics ? This sounds like bullshit . The last I recall is when the Jester 's missile slapped through the rear of the Battlecar . There wouldn 't have been enough left for cryogenic recovery . Mind you , I feel better than I 've felt in years . No hint of arthritis , my right foot 's whole , and there 's certainly no arrow in my lung . " Dying , Sir ? I can 't have up and died if I 'm standing here with you now , can I ? God bless Ireland , but I 'm thinking this is not a fit place for a man to be . " " No ! " Blunt isn 't aware that he 's spoken , but he feels his legs tremble . He clutches at Whistler 's arm and said " Christ , Sean : we died . We died ! I saw that little French boy cut your throat , I saw the bayonet - " The big Irishman holds friend , hugging him to his chest . His words are a whisper . " Christ , Sir , don 't you be telling me this now . It 's all that 's been on my mind since I woke up on a bed that wasn 't there . I 've been praying it was the brandy , so I have . " " Gentlemen , if I can have your attention please ? " The speaker is the oldest in the strange room . He is balding , has a prominent , arrogant nose , large ears , a protruding Adam 's Apple , and sharp blue eyes . He is wearing a soft grey blouse , tied with a red cord at the throat , and a loose blue kilt . The three men wait for him to continue . " My name is Charles Windsor . I am in charge here , and I 'd rather like to sit and talk with you all . Tell you what you 're doing here , and all that . You have a lot to learn , indeed , a great deal to come to terms with . And we have a lot to tell you . I 'd take it , yes , take it well if you were to join me . In a few minutes . Momentarily . Meantime , I 'll leave you with Cienwyn , Adam , and Paulus , to help you , yes , help you get oriented . " The man 's speech is halting , almost as if he 's unfamiliar with the language . His voice buzzes like a wasp trapped in a jar : paper on paper , a faint edge of what : anger ? Frustration ? Thomas Crayne , Andrew Blunt , and Sean Whistler watch as Charles leaves the room . Crayne steps forward , and taps the window with his knuckles . His voice is mild , with a warm , deep timbre . It is deadly dangerous . " I think that it 's time we met with you . " He points to the woman . She smiles . He smiles back , glacier - cold , his eyes chips of blue ice . She shivers . Cienwyn 's eyes colour - shift from blue to brown : a warmer colour , more easily trusted . She sees in Thomas Crayne 's face smile that it won 't work on him . He 's seen the change , and understands it . The Englishman has also noticed , and is clearly wary . He is reaching , groping for something . What ? Yes . It 's where his sword would be slung . Adam and Paulus murmur something about it being good the men are unarmed . The two young men are clearly starting to wonder just what it is they 've wakened . Cienwyn licks her lips . Good , thinks Crayne . She 's nervous . She speaks . " Gentlemen : if you look over to your left , you 'll see an opening appear . If you 'll be kind enough to come to us ? Just follow the lights . " The three balls of light which surround the men move toward an opening which irises out the blank white wall . The men stay where they are . Good , thinks Blunt . The big stranger knows something about fighting , and the first thing you never do is follow your opponent 's lead . That way lies sure defeat . I have died once today , he thinks . Once is enough . The girl looks wary . " Gentlemen ? If you 'll just - " " I don 't think so , " replies Blunt . " I think that Sean , the big Jonathon , and I will stay right here . " Blunt 's temper is starting to rise now . Who the hell are these people , and what the hell is going on . Their arrogance infuriates him . " I think you should come in here . To us . " " Sir ? " It 's Sean . He 's been thinking , and watching behind them . " A couple of wee points , if I may , sir . Firstly , we can 't be dead , because you 're a bloody heathen Protestant bastard Englishman , begging your pardon , sir , and I 'm the only holy Catholic one here , unless our big friend 's of the faith too . If we were dead , you 'd be in hell , and I 'd be enjoying a strong cup of tea with Himself , so I would . Secondly sir : there 's some bloody funny business going on with them behind us : the other sleeping ones . " A week or so ago , Telecom 's maintenance arm started a bit of a TV campaign . Beautifully shot pix of Chorus vans driving around sweeping country bends , through rainy urban streets , running through the night in gritty downtown Tauranga . . . interspersed with shots of technical looking men saying things like " I reckon we 'll need to run 3 metres of ohm impeded superflange over this " , and " I 've checked the hyperbaric chamber , and it 's showing a clear deficiency ofangstroms in the blunge . " The voiceover guy , in the midst of his spirit - stirring sales pitch , comes out with one stunning line : " Last year , Telecom 's Chor \ us netwok maintenance team made over one million housecalls . . . . " Hang on . Back up the bloody van , Cheetah . In a country of 4 . 2 million souls , there 's probably only a million or so houses . So if they made over a million housecalls , it can only mean one thing : the entire Telecom landline netwok is buggered . Sorry I 'm late : I may have to rework my blogging schedule . With rehearsals for " Brassed Off " now hitting the serious stage , and on my blogging days ( Tuesday , Thursday , and Sundays ) . . . I 'll have to do a think . I 'll be able to keep my Sunday Scribbles going , but my weeknight ones will have to move . Watch this space . Movies seen : Hmm . I wanted to see " Robin Hood " , ' cause I 'm a crass act . Instead , we went to see " The Bookof Eli " , because the beloved Jenny 's so fond of Denzel Washington . Let 's face it , she sleeps with Denzel 's doppelganger . I do get confused when I shave . As for the movie : well , I had to do a lot of the old suspension of disbelief , but I 'm good at that . The basic premise is simple : post - apocalyptic America , and all people all lose all their morals and beceome mindless thugs because all copies of the Bible have all been destroyed . Well , I could cope with that . The photography was superb , and Mr Washington and wossname , the bad guy , Gary Oldman , both chewed the scenery admirably . A pleasant diversion . But I wanna see Hobin Rood ! Reading : " Directive 51 " , by John Barnes . Science fiction , done well . Pre - apocaplyptic America so far , soon to be post - apocalyptic . I 'd say Denzel Washington could play the lead role in the movie , except the hero is a woman . But I 'm really , really liking it so far : as good as , if not better than , Arthur C . Clarke 's shiney - orb series . No kidding . More " Paper Heroes " : Crayne studies the two men . They are obviously close friends , and trained to battle . They moved as one , each protecting the other . They knot their loincloths about their waists , as Crayne has done . " Where 's the light coming from ? " Blunt rasps . " If you 're thinking witchcraft , Sir , " Whistler says , " then you 're off your rocker . With respect , Sir . " " Come on Sean . It 's our gear . " Crayne is impressed by the man 's air of command , and drifts after them . There are three sets of clothing : one fine charcoal suit , shirt , tie , socks , shoes , and underclothes . A military uniform that must come from the Napoleonic days , and a fine suit of clothes from the same era . Yes , thinks Crayne : Blunt is , Blunt was , an English Rifleman . A Colonel , no less . Whistler had been his Sergeant - Major . What 's the right tense ? Don 't know . Not enough data . Damn it , man : you 're too slow . Slow , old man . Blunt dresses quickly in his green Rifleman 's jacket , leather French dragoon overalls , high boots . Whistler takes his time , donning layer after layer of clothing : shirt , vest , jacket , topcoat , overcoat , hose , trews , boots . Crayne feels a little more comfortable fully clothed , and is sure that he 's the only one to have searched his clothing for listening and watching devices . As he stoops to pick up and fold his loincloth , he glances sideways and smiles to himself : the other men have also rescued their loincloths , and hidden them away . There are more clothes available , and Blunt checks each pile . " No . " Crayne isn 't concerned . His mastery of the martial arts is complete , so he 's not powerless . And as he looks at his two companions , he is sure they 're quite capable of looking after themselves . The loincloths are weapon enough . A female voice , low contralto , as warm as whipped chocolate . There is no point of reference for the voice : it seems , like the light , to originate from all corners of the room . Blunt grimaces : there are no corners . He can 't judge the size of the room . It tricks the eye . The room may go on for five yards or fifty , in any one direction . The three men have moved to stand shoulder to shoulder , facing outwards . They are a bristling triangle of suspicion and anger . " Gentlemen . Please do not be alarmed . My name is Cienwyn , and my colleagues and I have nursed you back to health following your , " she pauses , then continues . " Your mortal injuries . " The three men stand soundlessly in their pool of light . Cienwyn almost gasps : their concentration on self - preservation hasn 't slipped at all , and yet she knows they would all be thinking about her words , chewing them slowly , seeking a false flavour . If she or any of the men in the operations booth had been in a similar situation , they would be talking , wheedling , trembling with fear . These three are , indeed , formidable . As expected . As hoped . The first test is done . The first test is met . The first test is passed . The first three have wakened , successfully . Cienwyn speaks again . If you 're a blues fan , then write down this name : Neil Worboys . Kiwi chap . And I 've just acquired the album by him and the Real Time Liners called " Some Day Soon " . It is fantastically good , ands should be high on every blues - lover 's wish list . NW has been around a long time : Hogsnort ruper and the Bulldogs allstar band . . he 's getting better with age , much like a good cheese . Not that the music 's cheesey - far fromit . Look for Neil Worboys and the Real Time Liners in your favourite music shop , and make them rich . Jenny and I have been talking music lately , and our regrets at not having learnt to play an intrument in our more junior years . Well , she took piano lessons , under the firm and excruciating tutelage of the Little Sisters of St Mary 's Convent : apparently as evil a place that has ever existed in New Zealand . To cut the short story long - we 're seriously considering buying a guitar and electronic keyboard , and learning to play . All we need is the cheap instruments . Might be a time to go looking at Trademe . It 's a cool morning in Auckland . We 've definitely hit winter : although in comparison to the temperatures at Reporoa , it 's positively balmy . Here it is , just gone 9 on Sunday morning , and I 'm in shortsleeves . Trousers too , of course . We have the crock pot out , which is another sure sign of winter . Today , I 'll be doing a new beef curry . Expecting guests , so I may have to crank up the pucker factor . Reading : " Shakespeare " , by Bill Bryson . One of his more serious writerly exercises : so far , it hasn 't told me anything new . I hate to say this , but I might be setting dear Bill aside . The four can feel a faint vibration through the floor : all they can feel or hear of the maelstrom of sound in the White Room . The monitors in front of Paulus ' eyes shift , and flicker . " Awakening , " he says . In the room the colour - shifting light is flickering through the spectrum so fast that the three forms are bathed in searing white . The sound thunders and snarls , and even in the protected booth the four observers feel the vibrations grab them and shiver them . In the White Room one of the bodies rolls to its side , and the lights snap off . The thunder stops . The storm is over . Cienwyn clears the window . " Power use ? " " Just under 8 . Less than half we expected . - and Paulus , you were wrong again . It 's the older man . " The man is , in fact , far larger than the watching people . He groans , rubs an arm over his eyes , and stands . Cienwyn murmurs again , and the force - field which has supported the man over the past eight months is turned off . Then , as the man goes to lean on it for support , she mutters a curse and instructs her P - See to turn it back on . Too late . The man 's reflexes are quick , though , and he regains his balance . And looks down , at his foot . His right foot . He lifts it , curls his toes , counts his toes , and puts it down again on the floor . The surface is rough , and he knows his feet will grip hard if he has to move . He looks around him , his face expressionless . He can see there are five other occupied beds in the room , two of them in circles light , as he is . He steps backward , to get himself out of the light , but the light moves with him . One of the two lit figures stirs , then the other . He can hear their voices . Male , groaning , stifling swear words , slow to get to their feet . He can see that they 're both fit , and the smaller one , like him , carries a network of scars . The bigger man is just short of plump , but there 's a lot of muscle under the fat . " I 'm . Yes . A moment . " The man wipes his face with his hands , and looks about . " Blunt . Yes , Andrew Blunt . Who are you ? Wait : I know . You 're Crayne . And where are we ? " Actually , if you say the headline as a three - year - old would , you might sound as if you 're boasting about bladder control . I 've been twoilit , Mummy . As it is , I have a confession : I watched Twilight . Yes . The movie . And . . . well , I have to say I was impressed . Impressed in that I have never before seen such a cynically manipulative movie . It is , obviously , aimed at 15 year old girls . Perhaps 15 to 17 . Look at the list : the lonely , not - so - attractive schoolgirl who catches the eye of the absolutely gorgeous deadly dangerous predator , and conquers his most base desires ( ! ) through his inability to read her mind . The quiet , reserved daddy , who 's also good - looking in a dangerous sort of way , and who is an authority figure the entire town looks up to . The sudden acceptance of the ugly - duckling kid by all the coolkids at school , and by the really exotic family of the boyfriend that all the other girls want but can 't get because he 's been bitten - er , smitten - by her charms . Gauche meets louche , and sparks fly . I 'm sorry * . I actually don 't think it was a bad movie . I kind of enjoyed it . Until my mind started working . The big unanswered question is this : what would a 110 year old guy possibly have in common with a 16 year old child ? And yes , I 'm afraid I 'm a reactionary old bastard , who does think that if a person 's brain hasn 't finished developing , then s / he is still a child . Regardless of the hair in their Jockeys . Is creepy the new creative ? We 've all seen the new L & P commercials , which I must say fails on a host of levels . Perhaps I 'm supposed to go to the website to catch the virus . But we started off with " That Guy " and the Hellers spots . He 's permanently on Creep - o - matic , and that 's cool : he makes it work . We also have the creepy fingers on the new Warehouse commercials . And the disastrous new Vodaphone spots , with their odd creeps in a classroom , acting out bad email practices . I can 't figure out why the Nigerian is sayiong " Delete " . Surely someone should be deleting him ? Or at least he should be bellowing out the scamspam so loved by his countrymen . . . Creepy , creepy , creepy . And about as creative as instant pudding . Just so you know : my wife is as clever as she is short . And she is very , very short . We 've been pondering a problem for a couple of weeks , and she came up with an elegant , creative , non - creepy solution . LISTENING TO : The soundtrack album from the Bob Dylan bio - movie , " I 'm Not There " . Right now , I 'm blowing my ears out with " The Man In The Long Black Coat " , as performed by Mark Lanegan . Cool . READING : The Slow - Cooker Cookbook , as edited by the Hawera Lionesses . Wintertime , and the slow - cooker comes out . We 're going to be currying some topside steak this weekend . Yum . What 's this ? Greens and browns . A white dress . It 's the farm . The farm . Home . I 'll have to put new shingles on that roof come summer . " Number Five 's showing signs of neural activity . " Cienwyn murmurs to her P - See . It glitters red , querying . " Yes , " Cienwyn whispers . " Prioritise it . Wake the team , leave Charles asleep . " She instructs the P - See briskly , snappishly , quietly . Her honey - velvet voice crackles with excitement . Her hair stands on end , weaving a Celtic knot , rising and falling with pleasure . Another four days pass . Each of the subjects in the White Room are now displaying occasional frenzied bursts of mental activity , and all have had to be restrained . It is decided to waken them in two separate groups . The sleeping forms are still . There 's no sign of the activity of the past days . The walls are a little brighter now , and it 's harder to make out the doorway . Through the observation window , Cienwyn is joined by Charles , Paulus , and Adam . Cienwyn 's facial tattoo has vanished . All four are clearskin today ; all four are wearing clothing that covers their bodies . Charles is a little uncomfortable : He hasn 't worn so much clothing since he was a child , attending the Prime 's annual dance in Samoa , and the constraints of sleeves and trousers annoy him . Charles is also sweating nervously . It astonishes him : his em - bots should be controlling this . He indicates that Cienwyn should start the procedure , and she instructs her P - See . Through the polarised window , the White Room 's light dims , then three figures are separately lit . The light around them changes , and runs slowly through the spectrum , up into the ultra - violet , then down into infra - red and beyond . The sequence is repeated again and again , moving faster , flickering , each one slightly out of sync with the others . Cienwyn darkens the window further against the light , which is now so bright that it would burn her corneas . The four in the control room can feel a faint vibration through the floor : this is all they can feel or hear of the maelstrom of sound in the White Room . Well , not really . But you got me to thinking , which is an exercise best not indulged in until one has had a chance to sink a couple of hefty ales . To explain : I had my bleat the other day about the sseas being treacherous . MM commented that yes , words do change meaning , etc and so on . MM is , of course , absolutely right . Which left me gasping on the beach of that treacherous sea . Because I 've been paying some nodding attention to the recent brou - ha - ha about the Ureweras , the Tuhoe , and dear old JonKey the Donkey . Now , pay attention : I think it was Tamati Kruger I heard on the wireless the other day , but I could be wrong . It was certainly a Tuhoe spokesman . He was saying that the Tuhoe signed only the English version of the Treaty , and not the Maori Te Reo version . The word " mana " doesn 't appear in the English version ( it does in the Maori one ) . . . and if it had , then the Tuhoe would never have signed even the English version . Leaving aside the argument that there is no empirical way for anyone to know what would have happened 170 years ago if such and such had happened , or had been the case . It could be that the spokesman is right - it 's equally likely that he 's wrong . But I do ask - thanks , MM - if it 's possible , or likely , that Te Reo words change meaning as dramatically as English words do . If they don 't , of course , it 's a sure and certain sign that it is a stagnant language , and is approaching morbidity . If they do change meanings . . . then how can we be sure that a heavily - laden word such as " mana " hasn 't changed over the past couple of centuries ? I have no wish to be mischievous here . I merely ask the question because I don 't know the answer . Is Te Reo a vital language ? ( " Vital " here meaning " life - filled " , rather than the later meaning , " necessary " . See what I mean ? ) Or is Te Reo something that 's stuck on the mud - banks of a dried - up lake ? If we are to take the Maori version of te Tiriti to mean precisely what it meant back in 1840 , then are we also obliged to take the English version as being locked in time ? If so , howPosted by I 'm taking a few days off work , as my sainted Mother has decided we can benefit from a few days of her company . The moment she decided that she was coming up here , and I had made the necessary leave arrangments , Jenny got a letter from the lovely people at the Justice Department , demanding her presence for Jury Duty . This is the second time she 's been called : I 've never been drafted . As it is , she didn 't have to sit on a jury : just miss a couple of days ' work , and sit around a draughty courthouse . What fun . So Mum arrived on the bus , in the middle of the roughest weather we 've had in a long time . The wind was so strong I had to leave her in a bus - stop , and go to fetch the car . The wind literally stopped her in her tracks as she was crossing Queen Street . Fortunately , she was laughing at the time . Proper weather is fun . We 've since tiki - toured about , yon and hither . I found a superb second - hand shop in St Helier 's : I am now the proud owner of a bright yellow shirt , $ 15 . Calloo , callay . Puhoi was next : a quiet stroll through the pub and hugely expensive antiques shop . . . then devonshire tea 300 metres up the road . I think it 's called Puhoi Cottage : you can 't miss it , as it has CAFE painted on its roof in two - metre high letters . Charming place , chirpy little Englishman , and scones the size of Tasmania . My Mother has decided Orewa is beautiful , and wants to move there . . . or Red Beach , at least . I 'm doing my best to convince her that Invercargill 's where she really wants to be . Family is brilliant , and often made more so by living in another country - although I do wish my sons and grand - daughter were a little closer to Northcote . Today we 're entertaining family : all my brother 's daughters and their sprogs are coming around for lunch with their Nana . I think there 's be around a dozen here . Jenny is , naturally , setting up to feed the Abyssinian Army . At least the weather looks as though it 's going to behave . We 've had some much - needed rain , although I must say that getting a week 's worth in ten minutes is taking things a bitPosted by They used to say that the clothes maketh the men . Of course , any critical look at that statement would expose it for the sham that it is . I , for instance , could put on a flash pin - striped suit , and a $ 200 shirt , with a $ 100 necktie . I may look like a Lambton Quay lawyer , but I 'd still be the same old shabby bum . That being said , sometimes clothes can make a difference . My dear old Mum is with us for a week . She 's spent the last 60 + years doing voluntary work ; of late , she 's managed an Op Shop , for her church in Napier . A few months ago a young fellow walked in . He was , he told them , a father of two , on the bones of his arse , and had no decent clothes . He also had an important job interview that afternoon . The Op Shop girls - average age 78 - went to work . They found him a suit , shirt , tie , socks , and a pair of shoes . He looked , apparently , a million dollars . Well - $ 10 , 000 , anyway . Off he went , in his " new " clothes . All up the outfit should have cost him $ 15 : money he was reluctant to spend . He had kids , he was on the dole , his partner was unemployed . You know the story . They gave him the clothing on credit . Two months passed . The ladies gave up . Actually , they 'd given up on their $ 15 when he walked out the door . Kind - hearted they may be . Stoopid , they ain 't . A s I say : 60 days had gone by . He walked back in , wearing a brand new suit , and a smile that 'd dazzle a sun - god . He laid $ 200 on the counter , and thanked them . He 'd got the job . It took him a little while to get back on his feet , but when he did , he remembered the girls at the Op Shop . Good stories need passing on . Feel free . Listening to : " West " , Lucinda Williams . She is hugely good . For a country singer . Actually , she 's to country what Satchmo was to Jazz . Reading : " Lunstrum " , Robert Harris . Good good good good . Word of the Day : Bloviate . I have yet to find anexcuse for using this word , but I love it . About to Watch : Dean Spanley . Cool . More " Paper Heroes " . It was also found that the weapon worked by turning an individual 's embots against their hosts , re - programmingPosted by Yes . It 's great and etc about them going to Safrica for the World ( Cup ) Trophy . I 'm super pleased . But . Well , there 's always a but . And this is mine . Big and hairy old but it is , too . Several months ago a team called the All Whites qualified for the World ( Cup ) Trophy . That means they get to go , and get dicked by various other nation 's teams . Cool . No problem . But the team that 's actually going has only just been named . . . . which means it could be a completely different team to the one that qualified . I 'm pretty darn certain there 's a few names on the team now that weren 't there when the team qualified . There are people on the team who didn 't qualify ! I 'd like to see that in , say , athletics . It 's 1964 , and Peter Snell has qualified for the Tokyo Olympics , to run in the 800 and 1500 metre events . At the last minute his place is taken by Brian Thimbledrone , because Brian 's . . . well , a little more . . . something . Or Valerie Vili qualifies for the next World Champs . They don 't have a trophy - shaped cup . They have medals . Anyway , our Val is the current World Everything , and she 's qualified , but before she goes someone else has a chance to qualify . . . . and Gertrude Throgmorton - Smythe is on her way , courtesy of a shot she putted at Wanganui High School , on Saturday afternoon . Bah , I say . And humbug . On my way home this evening , I stopped at a set of traffic lights alongside the sports grounds at Northcote . My ears were being hammered by voices on the radio : some pommy politic pundit , pontificating on the peregrinations of the proles , when I noticed something . . . . odd . The car next to me : the driver had wound her window down , and she was knocking excitedly on my passenger window . I hit the magic button , and the car was filled with the sound of several thousand birds , chirping and warbling . I turned the radio off . The lady beamed at me , and said " Isn 't it lovely ? " Yes , it was . Listening to : The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band , " The Doughnut in my Granny 's Greenhouse " . It 's not available anywhere anymore , although Terry Gilliam does have a copPosted by Altogether now . To the tune of " Yesterday " : Treachery , You 're not half the thing you used to beYou were a shadow hanging over meOh , I believed in treachery . . . I know . I 've said it before . And , in the sure and certain hope of sounding like a grizzled old curmudgeon , I 'm about to say it again . The mis - use of words devalues them . When a rugby player sprains his ankle , it 's described as a " tragedy " , and he 's " devastated " by it . Tosh . It 's annoying , and he 's slightly upset . And when a couple of hundred people drown in the Cook Islands because of the venal actions of incompetent civil servants , it 's also described as a " tragedy " . What - it 's as upsetting as some footy player spraining an ankle ? I think it 's a little more severe than that . I watched the TV progarmme about James Cook last night . It was , on the whole , very good , and I shall watch the next episode with interest . Only one major blue : right at the start , they had a shot of a childish Cook superimposed on the Union Flag . When he was a lad , the Union wasn 't in existence , so the Union Flag ( or Union Jack , when it 's flown from a vessel ) didn 't exist . A trifling concern , and satisfying only to nit - picking old sods in stained trackpants . ( Mine aren 't stained , I hasten to add . ) But I was irked when the perky little presenter described the North Sea as " treacherous " . Now , let 's think about this . The North Sea is a dangerous stretch of water . Storms are sudden , and violent . In the days of sail , literally hundreds of craft foundered in the North Sea ( I 'm pretty sure it was called the German Sea back then , by the way . But let 's not quibble . ) . To sail into the North Sea was to put yourself into peril . So , you expected danger , you expected to be in danger . If a storm arose , the North Sea was meeting your expectations - which is precisely the opposite of treacherous . Letting go of the athropomorphic argument ( a non - sentient thing cannot possibly betray you , because the act of betrayal demands a conscious decision ) , if something / someone does what they 're supposed to do , they 're Posted by I don 't understand gambling , and I don 't , therefore , understand gamblers . I simply cannot empathise with people who claim to be gambling addicts . That being said , I am sure the syndrome exists , and it is a dead certainty that gambling has ruined many lives . Which is why I thoroughly object to the PR / spin people calling the areas in clubrooms and pubs that hold the god - awful poker machines the " gaming area " . And they advertise themselves as having " gaming " . It ain 't a game . It ain 't gaming . A game implies the honourable level playing field , equal opportunity to score / win / lose and so forth . The poker machines are geared to see that the person who feeds the money into the slot loses . Over 70 % of all " games " must be won by the machine . It would be more honest of the to call it gam ( bl ) ing , or make a gam ( bl ) e . . . But it 's not . It 's a sure fire certainty that , in the long term , the punter will lose . There 's no gamble in it for the machine owners , or the TAB operators , Lotto shop proprietors , etc . There 's no gamble or game in it for the punters , either : just a guarantee that they will do their dough . Dozey bastards . That 's why I can 't empathise with them . I can empathise with stupidity much more readily . Stephen Baxter writes science fiction . I 'm a sci - fi fan : have been since I was 8 , and my old man left an Isaac Asimov " robots " book lying around . I still remember the delicious thrill of discovering Philip K . Dick , and Poul Anderson . However : Stephen Baxter . His books are roughly the same size as an average public utility building : say a small hospital , or a largish library . You could hollow out a Stephen Baxter book , and park a disused Concorde inside it . So , I 've always been reluctant to open a Stephen Baxter book . After all , I have a crook shoulder . But today , as I starting wrapping myself around my lunch , I opened a Stephen Baxter book . I made sure the table was sturdy enough first , naturally . Bugger . Over the course of my half - hour lunch break , in which I consumed my salad and cold sausages , cup a soup , dried fruitPosted by Just who the hell is Wendy Myer ? She 's been appearing on my tele screen for a few years now , telling me that she 's Wendy Myer ( as if I should know who or what she is ) and that she 's speaking for " better living " . She then proceeds to tell me about the 1001 uses for plastic bags ( Gosh ! You can put things in them ! ) and Glad Wrap . That 's the stuff Americans call Saran Wrap , and the rest of ther world calls cling film . Apparently you can wrap sandwiches in the stuff , and slap it over a salad in a bowl to help it not oxidise . Bet that 's a surprise to you . I know it rocked me back on my heels . All I want to do is track the smug bitch down and tell her to go away . To Iceland , or Zimbabwe . My elder sister called me this evening . What an astonishing creature she is . She 's not only one of the nicest people I know , but one of the strongest . Her husband 's going through chemo therapy for about the 900th time , and that can not be easy for either of them . I 'm writing a brief history of the people in my family - one person at a time - for two of my favourite people . That 'll be my sons . I 've so far just completed little potted histories of my paternal grandparents , one of whom was a bastard , and the other a saintess . I can 't wait ' til I write about my elder sister : it 's a real privilege being able to write about people you admire . Fiona Murray sent me an email today , telling me about a forthcoming celebration . Apparently she 's turning half my wife 's age on July 31st - the day my wife turns 60 . They share the birthday . So the drop - dead gorgeous Fiona Bloody Murray turns 30 , and for a short while is precisely half Jenny 's age . But on 31 July 2011 , Fiona will be catching up : she 'll be more than half Jenny 's age . Mwa ha ha ha . Fiona - you 'll be getting older more quickerer than Jenny . READING : Dewey , The Small Town Library Cat Who Touched the World , by Vicki Myron . I can 't help but think that Dewey was a close relative of Spike Malone , our ginger cat who died last year . Lovely book so far , not catty and mawkish . LISTENING TO : " Into The DarkPosted by Everyone has their verbal tics . Those little space fillers we use to cover the fact that we 've run out of words , and are thinking of something to add to what we 're in the process of trying to explain . One that I 've been noticing more and more of late is " sort of " . At first , I thought it was another example of our charming Kiwi diffidence : we don 't want to be too definite about anything , just in case the person we 're talking to thinks we 're an opinionated blowhard . An example : " I was walking down this sort of path , when this huge dog sort of lunged at me . Gosh , it gave me a fright ! I was really sort of startled . " That 's the ( ahem ) sort of statement I hear from people chatting about thing . I have also noticed that TV " journalists " use it a lot , as well - especially with the current craze to " Go live to Amanda Pertbreasts in Wellington " . She 'll be standing there , cute as a button , outside Parliament , speaking breathlessly to camera , " The Prime Minister today sort of explained that the new tobacco taxes . . . " But it 's not just us . I 've heard British , American , and Canadian journos using this little verbal tic . It sort of annoys me , you know what I mean ? Sort of ? But not really . In the past I 've worried at the question of nobility . I think I have it nailed down : always allowing the person or people you 're dealing with to retain their dignity is the true expression of nobility . READING : Still with the Val McDermid book , but am also reading and re - reading the script of the play I 'm doing . Rehearsals start with a vengeance today : Yay ! LISTENING TO : The Little Bushmen . They are simply superb . Buy all their stuff , right now . WATCHING : Dr Who , tonight . After rehearsals . . . More " Paper Heroes " : Then a quick kick sends the bodies into the Bay , for the grey and white sharks to conceal his work . The rain has stopped by the time Night completes his work . He stands , putting his hands to the small of his back , and stretches . The moon comes from behind a ragged cloud and , had there been anyone to see him , they would have admired the smooth , evPosted by
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My thanks to Bill Hosek , Jon Wiley , Dongxin Luo , Connie DiLorenzo , Patti McWhorter , Ray Perkins , Sharon Attebery , Henry Zahn , and Ron Boyea for their comments and critiques of various writings in this collection . Of course , the views expressed in the essays and the sentiments expressed in the memoirs and short stories are my own . Some of the writings have been posted on my website frankzahn . com , and many of them have been published in online and print journals , reviews , newspapers , and magazines , including Galaxy , Meat for Tea : The Valley Review , The Criterion , ViewsHound , Oklahoma Review , Midwest Literary Magazine , India Today , Angel News Magazine , Intellectual Conservative , The Kansas City Star , and The Omaha World Herald . Single again women who enter the singles world to date and reconnect with a man for romance and a committed relationship often describe their experiences as depressing , pathetic , and even scary . Single again men have similar experiences but do not express them as often or with as much passion because unlike women , they run the risk of being accused of engaging in sexist diatribe . However this first in a series of memoirs and those to come are construed , the reality is that the singles world is no more of a picnic for single again men than it is for single again women . The people , events , and circumstances depicted herein are based on my actual experiences in the middle - aged single again world of Omaha , Nebraska . I got married because people of my generation were expected to do the nesting thing with children , a mortgage , PTA , and work , work , work . And more importantly , I got married because I believed it increased the probability of getting laid more often than if I remained single . As it turned out , the latter was a pipedream . Someone once said that if a man put a bean in a jar each time he got laid during the first year of marriage , he 'd spend the rest of the marriage taking a bean out of the jar each time he got laid . That 's no big surprise , of course , because most activities , including marriage , are subject to diminishing return . But that aside , my children grew up , the marriage ended , and I entered the uncertain years of single again , middle - aged , and wondering what the hell to do next . After the first couple of months of staying at home nights and watching television , I decided it might be a good idea to start thinking about finding my next wife . I was still tied to the traditions of the past , in which the natural and normal state of an adult male was marriage , even when the nesting thing had run its course and he rarely , if ever , got laid . But finding my next wife was a long - term goal . My short - term goal was to get laid - and soon . So I went out looking for a woman who was willing to relieve her sexual frustration by using me . I hit the bars and dance halls , of course , and a couple of singles club get - togethers for cocktails , chatter , and a chance pairing for at least an overnighter . Believe it or not , my favorite places to meet willing women were churches . I was amazed at how many of them frequented the social hours after Sunday worship services and Wednesday night prayer meetings . The Lord does indeed provide ! I found the women who were the most willing were Presbyterians and Methodists or what my Southern Baptist mother referred to as lukewarm Christians . I will never forget my first experience at a singles club get - together . It was a Parents Without Partners dance in a spacious , unadorned , and dimly lit ballroom . On three sides of the dance floor were tables with folding chairs , and on the remaining side was a raised bandstand . Women milled around with anxious eyes and guarded smile and chatted with the short supply of men . At least a dozen of them in all shapes and sizes hurried over to me the minute I entered the ballroom , introduced themselves , welcomed me , and asked me to save a dance with them when the music started . The music was vintage 1940s and 1950s , and I danced almost every dance with a different woman . I didn 't have to ask them to dance . They asked me . As we danced and when the band took breaks , the women initiated exchanges of information . They revealed their circumstances and intentions and questioned me about mine . Some attempted to be subtle and indirect while others were straightforward and unabashed . Their disclosures were amazingly similar . They sprinkled them with " he don 't " and " I seen " , and pronounced words like " wash " and " asked " as " worsh " and " asted " . Each one had graduated for high school , married young , and had children - some of the children dependent and living at home and others grown and living on their own . And it was as if the women had been married to the same man , one that was insensitive , self - centered , abusive , unfaithful , and unappreciative of their love and devotion . For the women who received child support and alimony , payments from their ex - husbands had become few and far between . Many of those women and most of the others lacked the skills and work experiences outside the home to obtain jobs that paid enough make ends meet . They had to settle for minimum wage jobs as waitresses , receptionists , nurse 's aids , and positions in retail sales . Although cloaked in the language of love and devotion , it was clear they were desperately in need of the emotional support that had eluded them in their marriages . More importantly , they wanted to quickly as possible regain the financial support they had lost when their marriages ended . The most memorable dance of the evening was with a blonde , happy - faced woman in a turquoise , double - nit pantsuit . As we came together , she raised her impressive breasts by arching her back , planted them on my chest , and struggled to lead as I struggled to keep in step to a rumba . She held me so close I could feel those impressive breasts getting warmer as we danced . And all the while , her slightly protruding tummy massaged my slightly protruding paunch to the quick - quick - slow beat of the music . When she asked me to be her partner in the Paul Jones , a dance I had never heard of , I declined . I had to ask her three time to let go of my arm so I could leave and head for the bar . As the night progressed , I came to understand why single again people called the singles world a meat market . I felt as if I were a piece of meat being passed from one she wolf to another and on the verge of being dragged back to one of their lairs . The sex aspect of it was appealing but the manipulation and control aspect of it was unsettling . It was awkward and embarrassing because a man of my vintage was not used to feeling that way in his relationships with women . In the singles world that existed before my marriage , women were the meat and men were the wolves , but at that dance , it was clear that times had changed . A couple of reason crossed my mind . With women 's liberation and a ratio of eight women or more to every man in the middle - aged singles world of Omaha , Nebraska , the mostly divorced women had to compete for men more aggressively if they wanted to end up with one . Certainly the women at the dance acted that way . Moreover , they acted as if they could care less what other women thought about it . In fact , some women became quite hostile toward their competitors , usually with catty remarks but occasionally with subtle threats of violence . I never attended another of the club 's dances or any of their other get - togethers . I wanted the company of a woman who wasn 't so needy and displayed more sophistication and finesse . And I was not interested in the trash talk about ex - husbands , especially the parts that applied to me . As far as I was concern , a woman who tolerated a rotten ex - husband long term was as much , if not more , responsible than he for what he did to her , or stated correctly , what she let him do to her . I did , however , date the secretary of Parents Without Partners . It didn 't last long . She was a willing woman and attractive , but two things bothered me about her . One was the foul odor that emanated from her vaginal area , and the other was her mention of marriage far too soon and far too often . The latter was not as much of a turnoff as the former , and when I couldn 't stand it any longer , I not only stopped calling her but stopped returning her calls . She came to my house a couple of times , banged on the door , and called out to me , but I remained out of sight and unresponsive in my back bedroom . I knew she wanted an explanation as to why I was no longer interested , but I wasn 't about to tell her that it was because of her vaginal odor . There is simply no way to tell a woman something like that without causing her greater upset than the upset of not responding to her attempts to reconnect . However misguide or cowardly it might have been , my intention was to minimize the upset I caused and move on . As an American and a Christian , I am obligated to abide by a civil or secular document that spells out my rights and responsibilities as an American and a spiritual or religious document that spells out my rights and responsibilities as a Christian . Like other Americans of faith , I may perceive conflict from time to time between the rights and responsibilities spelled out in the two documents . My search for conflict resolution has led me to the following understanding . The religious document I am obligated to abide by as a Christian is the Bible , which consists of sixty - six writings or books . Men wrote most of the books , and later , other men compiled the books into one document , called it the Bible , and declared it the ultimate truth or the word of the Creator , more commonly referred to as God . There are two inherent and related problems with documents . One is updating and the other is interpretation . As human understanding of how to best achieve the objectives of a document increases over time , updating may be required . That can be achieved by way of an amendment process and / or by way of interpretation of not only the letter of a document as originally intended but also by way of interpretation of what is implied in the letter of the document . The latter tends to be subjective and gives rise to various interpretations , which can lead to conflict , requiring a final arbiter . Without an amendment process , Christians must rely on an updating process based on interpretations of the Bible . In cases of multiple interpretations by Catholics , the Pope is the final arbiter , even though Catholics do not always abide by his decisions . Based on the principle of the individual priesthood of the believer , the individual is the final arbiter for Protestants with guidance from their ministers . Unlike the Bible , the Constitution includes an amendment process . The process permits Americans to update the Constitution as their understanding of what best facilitates their efforts to exercise their God - given or unalienable rights as declared in the Declaration of Independence . The first amendment to the Constitution guarantees freedom of religion , and by implication freedom from religion . For example , the secular decisions of Congress cannot infringe upon my freedom of religion and the exercise thereof . In addition , decisions of people of other faiths , including people of other Christian faiths , cannot infringe upon my freedom of religion just as I cannot infringe on theirs . This means all Americans , including me , are guaranteed freedom from religion as well as freedom of it . So what do I do in cases where I perceive my religious rights and responsibilities are in conflict with my secular rights and responsibilities ? In coming up with the answer to the question , it was necessary for me to recognize that the Constitution , and not the Bible , guarantees my freedom of and from religion . This means the Constitution , and not the Bible , is the governing document in answering the question . Clearly , if I wish to remain my kind of Christian in good standing , I must refuse to participate in any activity that violates my Christian beliefs , which is what Kim Davis chose to do when she refused to issue the marriage licenses . But like her , my refusal violates the secular rights of other Americans . And like Kim Davis , my refusal jeopardizes my good standing as an American and leaves me subject to dismissal if I am an employee or impeachment and removal from office if I hold an elected government position . Furthermore , if either dismissal or impeachment is not forthcoming , I am subject to arrest and incarceration , which is what happened to Kim Davis . Of course , the latter choice amounts to capitulation . I am as responsible for the actions of my staff in the exercise of my secular responsibilities as I would be if they were my actions . This means that if I choose the noninterference alternative , it would leave me in the same predicament as Kim Davis , namely in compliance with my secular responsibility but in violation my Christian beliefs . Clearly , if I am to honestly resolve my conflict , the only option I have is to quit my job if I am an employee or resign if I hold an elective office . I have not mentioned business people , but they are not exempt . No American is . If I am the owner or manager of a business , I am required to resolve conflicts between my religious beliefs and secular responsibilities of owning or managing a business in the same way as every other American . I must not engage in business activity , and if engaged , disengage in any activity that infringes on the secular rights of other Americans . Based on the forgoing understanding , let me reiterate : I am free to choose secular activities that do not require me to violate my Christian beliefs , and if need be , disengage from those that do by quitting my job or resigning my elected position in government , whichever applies . But under no circumstances may I justify infringement on the secular rights of other Americans , including their right to freedom of their religion or freedom from mine . Also , let me add that it is irrelevant that a majority of any constituency of Americans or a majority in total approves of my infringement . Will Vinton and his wife Mallory attended the wedding of billionaire Ronald Crump and New York model Marlena Van Ness only because a couple of months earlier , Ronald had contributed a half million dollars to the Vinton Literacy Foundation . They said their goodbyes after the lavish wedding reception at the Crump Continental Plaza Hotel and drove home to their high - rise condominium on the upper east side of Manhattan . When they arrived , Mallory kicked off her heels in the foyer and headed for their bedroom to get into something more comfortable . " Sometimes , I can 't believe what I 'm willing to do for the Foundation and to get elected mayor , " she said , raising her voice so Will could hear . " I can put up with Republican bravado and ignorance , but if I ever have to associate with one as bad as Ronald Crump again , I 'll shoot myself . And trust me . I 'm only half kidding . What a pompous ass that man is ! " " Now , now , Honey , " Will called out to her in reply . " We have to keep in mind that sacrifices must be made for the Foundation and your election campaign . We need Crump 's money just as he will probably need political favors from us in the future . Like it or not , it 's the way the good old American political system works . Besides , I have a better reason for wanting him to think his contribution makes us friends . Guys like him can be manipulated into doing all sorts of things if treated with gratitude , respect , and admiration , however superficial . And as a good old boy from the South , I know just how to play the game . " During the two weeks that followed the wedding and reception , both candidates for the Republican Party 's nomination were gaining on Mallory in the polls . And even the liberal press was speculating that she might lose her shoe - in status for winning the Democrat Party nomination and the election . The primary reason was that the press , especially Fox News , was having a field day reporting allegations of corruption in Will and Mallory 's management of their Foundation . " What in the hell am I going to do ? " she asked Will rhetorically after returning from a speaking engagement one evening . " Those damned emails could be construed as incriminating . If I turn them over , the press will crucify me . I 'll lose the nomination , and if not that , the election for sure . " " Yeah sure , Mallory said . " You 've managed to get the press and the public to believe that , but I 'm still not convinced . That uncontrollable pecker of yours will be the downfall of us yet . " " Ronald ! " Will said , almost shouting with surprise . " I was just going to call and thank you for the wonderful time Mallory and I had at your wedding and reception . You 're a lucky man . Marlena is as charming as she is beautiful . And the two of you really know how to , as we say down home , put on a shindig . " " How about the Crump International at eleven - thirty . As you probably know , it 's one of my best hotels . The food 's great and we 'll be in a private dining room so we can talk without anyone bothering us . " When they had ordered , Ronald said , " Let me get straight to the point , Will . I plan to announce tomorrow at a press conference that I 'm a candidate for mayor on the Republican ticket . What do you think ? " " Yeah well , Carson and Baker , the two Republicans candidates who have already announced , are good men . I know both of them . But they lack charisma . To be honest , I think you could win the nomination . " " If that happened , I 'd be running against Mallory . And I would hope that would not create ill will between us . You were one of the best mayors the City has had . I respect you and would hate to lose your friendship . I assume , of course , that we are friends . " " We are that for sure , and that won 't change no matter what happens . Friends run against each other in politics all the time . And we talk sometimes like we hate each other . But that 's just part of the game that turns on the media and the electorate . They love a good squabble . It 's like reality TV . They eat it up . " " I 'm glad to hear you say that . I want to run . And I think I can win the election if nominated . Our current mayor is an idiot - a real disaster . He couldn 't lead a horse to water let alone get it to drink . Business friends of mine have encouraged me to run . They say we need someone like me , someone who tells it like it is and gets things done for someone other than the Jews and the Puerto Ricans . " Ronald smiled . " Maybe , but I needed to get your input anyway , " he said . " Hey , here comes our lunch . What do you say we stop talking politics , relax , and enjoy it ? " " I strongly advised him to run . I had no idea he was thinking about it , at least not seriously . I had planned to bring up the idea and encourage him to run at lunch . But as luck would have it , he beat me to the punch . " " I don 't know if he can win the nomination , and I don 't care , " Will said . " I just want that big bravado , bigoted , anti - woman , anti - gay , anti - Semitic , and anti - Puerto Rican mouth of his wagging during the run - up to the Republican nomination . I want him to continue to confuse telling - it - like - it - is with being an obnoxious asshole , and to build up animosity toward the Republican Party , whoever in the hell they nominate . " " You 're just terrible . But oh my God do I love it , " Mallory said , giving him a peck on the lips . " You 've been a pain in my side at times , but once in a while you come through for me big time . " Will and Mallory watched the announcement on television and listened in amazement to Ronald 's bravado and tell - it - like - it - is remarks . They roared with laughter each time he accused the Democrats of catering more to the Jewish vote and the Puerto Rican vote than they did to the vote of the majority of New Yorkers . And they continued to laugh and joke about Ronald 's often outrageous remarks as Will drove them to a Democrat Party fundraiser at the Hilton in midtown Manhattan . " After Crump 's announcement and remarks , I can hardly wait for the debates , " Will said as he pulled into the Hilton parking garage . " I 'm sure now that he will open his big fat mouth even wider with ethnic and racial slurs and innuendos . And that will create all kinds of support for you as the better alternative during the election campaign , regardless of who wins the Republican nomination . " " It 's difficult to believe that he has deluded himself into believing he can win anything from New Yorkers with all that off - the - cuff and obnoxious garbage he puts out , especially the anti - Semitic remarks . The only thing worse would be anti - Italian or anti - Irish remarks , " Mallory said . " I notice , however , that he didn 't make any derogatory remarks during his announcement about women . I 've heard he refers to women he doesn 't like as pigs . " " Yeah well , let 's get on with the blessings of this fundraiser as a means of helping you win the nomination and the election . It just might give us the additional exposure we need for better things , like maybe the Governor 's mansion . And who knows , maybe even the White House , " Will said and then added with a grin , " Of course , I would insist on becoming Governor and President first . " The science of physics defines life as energy - driven matter with a unique blueprint , set of instructions , or DNA that determines its development from conception onward until entropy takes its toll ( second law of thermodynamics ) and it dies or terminates . And it is human life if conceived by humans . People in civilized societies value human life , so there is a cost associated with terminating it before entropy takes its toll , depending on how much a society actually values human life . In addition , there are benefits that may justify the termination of human life , regardless of where and in whatever stage of development it exists . Examples of benefits include the following : A deterrent to crime is a benefit that may justify the cost incurred when terminating human life by way of capital punishment . National defense is a benefit that may justify the cost incurred when terminating human life by way of engagement in the War on Terror . Relief of undue burden on women is a benefit that may justify the cost incurred when terminating human life by way of abortion . The decision to terminate human life can be made rationally by weighing the benefit against the cost . If the benefit outweighs the cost , there is a net benefit to proceeding with the termination . Of course , the question of who is best qualified to calculate the cost and the associated benefit is the critical factor in the determination of the net benefit . But anyone who denies the terminated life is human at any stage of its development from conception onward until entropy takes its toll is delusional . I 've been going to Jake 's Deli most mornings for years . It 's one of many neighborhood delicatessens in New York City , and it has all kinds of great looking things to eat and drink , even though there is little variation in what I order - black coffee and either a sesame seed bagel with cream cheese or a cherry Danish . The Deli 's décor is basically tables and chairs with an old - fashioned cash register perched upon a service counter . Next to the service counter , a glass case with several shelves displays a variety of pastries , breakfast rolls , and bagels . On the back wall , a counter supports equipment for preparing coffee , fresh - squeezed orange juice , and other drinks . A large chalkboard above the counter lists available items for sale and their prices . An open doorway leads to a back room for baking and food preparation . There 's always a line of people waiting to order . Some order to eat inside and others for takeout . I always eat inside , relax , and read the Times . Nothing ever happens in the Deli . It 's quiet , except for the woman behind the service counter , calling out orders to Jake , the owner , and a couple of people who bake and prepare food in the backroom . The customers order , eat and drink , and keep to themselves . It 's like a collective ritual without variation , practiced every morning day in and day out . " The place seems different this morning , " I said . " People seem stirred up , on edge , maybe a little more vulnerable than usual . Did I just miss something ? " " Me and my wife Bea here came from our hotel around the corner . We was standin ' in line just inside the door over there , " the man said , pointing toward the Deli entrance . " We hadn 't been waitin ' long when this guy jerked open the door and rushed inside . He had an A - rab look about him . He wasn 't wearin ' one of those nightgowns that those people wear with a sheet draped over their head , but he had dark skin , jet - black hair , and a wooly beard . And he had a cold , crazy look in his eyes , like he just came over here from I - raq or one of those other A - rab countries . He didn 't get in line . He just stomped over to the counter and demanded service . He had one of those foreign accents that a lot of people have here in New York City . " The man took a deep breath , leaned forward , and continued to explain , " The woman behind the counter , who was just finishin ' up waitin ' on a customer , told the guy he had to get in line . But he insisted on bein ' waited on right now . When the woman ignored him , he yelled at her and gave her a tongue - lashing like he was talkin ' to some low class piece of trash . Glaring at him , she told him to get away from the counter and leave . But he leaned forward and yelled , ' You fuckin ' bitch , I 'm in a hurry and in no mood for your garbage ! ' " Increasingly , the man explained with his hands and eyes as much as he did with his mouth . " I gotta hand it to that woman , " he said . " She stood her ground . With her hands firmly planted on her hips , she yelled , ' And I 'm in no mood for YOUR garbage ! Now get the hell away from the counter and leave ! ' " The man paused , caught his breath , and said , " No sooner had the woman yelled at the crazy guy , than a big , burly man , dressed in a white outfit and cap , came out of the backroom with a ball bat . My guess is he had been listenin ' to what had been goin ' on . Anyway , without hesitation , he stuck the big end of the bat in the crazy guy 's chest , shoved him back from the counter , and yelled , ' The lady said leave ! And if you don 't , I 'll come over this counter and beat the hell out of you ! ' " Leaning back in my chair , I thought for a moment . It dawned on me that it might be interesting to hear the reactions of other onlookers to what had happened in the Deli . They might make for interesting antidotal material for use in the cultural anthropology course I teach at Fordham two nights a week . In the next class , I planned to raise the question : Is there a typical New Yorker ? And so , I decided to attempt some tablehopping with the pocket recorder I always carried with me . That 's not an easy undertaking in New York City . Most New Yorkers view strangers who approach them with suspicion , especially if you announce that you want to record what they say . Nevertheless , I decided to give it a try . Of course , I would introduce myself and explain to the people at each table what I wanted and why I wanted it . And when I left a table , I would thank them for their time and for helping me to better understand the incident from their perspective . A girl of about seventeen sat at the first table I approached . She had dyed black hair , powder - white skin , and facial piercings , and she was dressed in black leather from her studded neckband to her boots . After she agreed to give me her reaction , I sat down across the table from her . She began her reaction without hesitation . " I was fifth in the fucking line , " she said . " I was sandwiched between an old buzzard with boobs and a belly and that hick couple you were just talking to . The couple was obviously tourists - fucking out - of - towners from somewhere like Kansas or one of those other nowhere places on the other side of Jersey . I got a kick outa the shocked and awe looks on the their faces when that Looney Tunes guy was doing his thing at the service counter . Big deal ! That kind of shit happens in New York all the time . What can I say ? You get used to it . Besides , Big Jake handled it . He don 't take shit from nobody . " Scooting her chair back from the table , the girl crossed her legs and let her arms dangle at her side . " I was more focused on the old buzzard with the boobs and a belly in front of me , " she said . " Several times , it sounded like either his fucking stomach was growling , or he was squeezing out a fart . One time , I knew it was a fart for sure because of the smell . Christ Almighty ! The commotion with the Looney Tunes guy and Big Jake didn 't bother me , but it pissed me off that I had some old buzzard blowing farts up my nose . " A young man in his late teens or early twenties sat at the third table . He wasn 't eating or drinking anything - just sitting there . He agreed to let me record his reaction to the incident , but told me it had to be quick because he was waiting for his girlfriend who would arrive shortly . There wasn 't an extra chair at the table or nearby , so I remained standing . Straddling his chair , the young man looked up at me . " I was the next person in line to be waited on when the crazy guy stomped up to the service counter and stirred up all the crap , " he said . " We New Yorkers get kinda crazy sometimes , you know , but that guy was something else . And if it hadn 't been for his nasty behavior toward the woman behind the counter , his theatrics would 've cracked me up . " The young man paused . " Funny how some guys let their shit get in the way of what they want . Real dumb , I say . It would have made my day , though , to watch big - ass Jake come over the counter , beat the crap out of the guy , and toss him out on the concrete . Shame on me , but that would have been a hoot and a half . " The other woman , a blonde with frizzy hair , spoke up sharply , " That guy is one of the street people . And some of those people have weapons - guns and knives . If the guy found out somehow that we were talking about him , he might come after us one morning here in the Deli or on our way back home . " An older woman sat alone at the fifth table , sipping her coffee and nibbling on a piece of rye toast and jam . I approach her with more care than the others , not just because she was older but also because she seemed a bit nervous . After my introductory spiel , she invited me to sit down across the table from her . " I was second in line , and that crazy guy brushed up against me on his way to the service counter , " she said . " I was scared to death . And that poor woman behind the counter ! My - o - my ! I was scared for her too . I shudder to think what would 've happen if that guy had had a gun . He was so angry he would 've shot her for sure when she talked back to him . He might 've shot some of the rest of us too . There 's a lot of that kind of thing going on all over the country these days . " The woman paused and took a sip of her coffee . " I should have run for the door , but I was so scared , I froze , " she said . " I couldn 't move . The thing that gets me is that none of the men in line did anything to restrain the guy . I guess they were scared too , but you 'd think at least one of them would 've had the courage to do something other than just stand there . " Without response to my remark , the woman went on to say , " The big man who came from the backroom with that baseball bat is the owner , I think . Anyway , he saved the day . Thank God ! But I don 't know what I would have done , though , if the guy had not left . I 'm sixty - seven years old last May with a bad heart , and it was racing like all get out . It 's still racing - not as much , but racing nonetheless . My - o - my ! I hope I never experience anything like that again . " " I have to leave too , but maybe I 'll see you in here again sometime , " she said . " It was nice having a strong looking man at my table . It made me feel safer , and I appreciate that very much . God bless you . " A man dressed in slacks and a sport shirt sat at the sixth table . He was staring out the window at passersby on the sidewalk . I guessed he was in his forties . At first , he was reluctant to talk with me , but after I sat down and explained more carefully what I wanted and why , he started talking . " I 'm a native New Yorker , originally from Queens - Jamaica , and I don 't like to get involved in things that are not directly related to me , " he said . " But that crazy guy 's behavior pissed me off . And I mean it really pissed me off . I come in here to the Deli at least three times a week , and the woman behind the service counter - the one on the receiving end of that guy 's crap - is a very nice lady . And she didn 't deserve all that . " He hesitated and then added , " And another thing : It pisses me off that I didn 't do something the minute that son of a bitch opened his mouth . When you get a chance to do the right thing , you should do it . And dammit to hell , I missed my chance that time . It makes me feel like a damn coward - a real candy - ass . " I had seen the man seated at the table once or twice before . He dressed a bit like an English gentleman - tweed jacket , vest , and bow tie . " The woman behind the service counter should have called the police immediately , " the man declared at the outset . " She did not do it , so she must bear responsibility for most of the confrontation . " The man took a sip of his tea and wiped his mouth with his napkin , " And as for the onlookers who stood nearby , their reaction , or should I say their lack of it , was commendable . Why should they become involved ? It 's the owner 's job to take care of people who get out of line in the place . " The man placed his elbows on the table , and then realizing the impropriety of it , he quickly removed them . " The way the owner handled the situation , however , left much to be desired , " he said . " He didn 't even bother to find out the details of what had transpired before going into a violent rage with that ball bat . " The men chased down the last bite of his croissant with the tea left in his cup . Then he wiped his mouth and hands with his napkin , stood , straightened his vest , and buttoned his jacket . Before leaving , he said , " All in all , however , I did learn something as a result of what happened , namely go someplace else from now on for my pot of tea and croissant . Melodrama in a public place is simply unacceptable . " After the pompous man had gone , I continued my tablehopping but soon discovered I had exhausted the supply of people who had been in the Deli earlier and observed the incident . The place had returned to normal - everyone ordering , eating and drinking , and keeping to themselves . So , I turned off my recorder , left the Deli , and returned to my apartment three blocks away . The following evening in class , my students listened intently to my retelling of the out - of - towner 's account of what had happened in the Deli the previous morning . Afterward , I played my recordings of the reactions of the other people who had witnessed the incident . When I raised the question as to whether the reactions of everyone taken collectively provided a set of characteristics that define a typical New Yorker , the students objected . They insisted that a typical New Yorker doesn 't exist , even though they granted New Yorkers share some behavioral characteristics because of their shared environment . One student spoke up and said , " Mind you , New Yorkers know how to be bold , defiant , assertive , and even aggressive when they think it 's necessary . Most people probably consider that offensive behavior . But like someone once said , ' The best defense is a good offense . ' And it sounds like the Deli owner and the woman behind the service counter were doing just that - defending themselves with a good offense . " That said , however , the students agreed that the immediate reactions and not the after - the - fact reactions of the onlookers in the Deli supported the argument that New Yorkers tend to choose their own terms of engagement . That is , when they are not directly affected by something that happens , they tend to avoid getting involved , even though most of them are quick to react verbally after - the - fact . Several of the students argued that such behavior was probably much the same as that of most Americans , especially those who live in large cities where people tend to be more suspicious of others and perhaps more offensively defensive . Moreover , the students acknowledged that New Yorkers often come off like they feel superior to the " hicks and yahoos " that live in and beyond the strip of land across the Hudson River that they more often than not refer to as Jersey . One student said , " Yeah , and some New Yorkers are like the last person recorded in the Deli - the pompous man in the tweed jacket . But I think they are few and far between , and certainly less prissy than he sounded . " Perhaps their seemingly contradictory comments make sense if summarized by saying they believe New Yorkers are alike or typical as indicated by the immediate reactions of the people in the Deli during the incident , but not alike or typical as indicated by their reactions after - the - fact . In short , New Yorkers react similarly in efforts to avoid involvement in incidents that do not directly concern them , but differently or individualistically when reacting after - the - fact . So does this belief support the allegation that the behavior of New Yorkers is unique , that is , distinct from people elsewhere in the country ? Probably not . People faced with a similar environment and set of circumstances would probably behave similarly . At the outset , it is useful to define human life scientifically . Life is simply energy - driven matter with a unique blueprint , set of instructions , or DNA that determines its development . And it is human life when conceived by humans , or stated differently , when the sperm of a human male impregnates the egg of a human female . Just as the principles of physics govern the conception , development , and eventual demise of the universe , they govern the conception , development , and eventual demise of all life in it , including human life . The universe began to develop in time at conception , however perceived , and will continue to do so until entropy takes its toll ( second law of thermodynamics ) : that is , time for it stops or it dies . The same is true of all life in the universe , including human life . Decisions about when it is acceptable to terminate human life before entropy takes its toll have been made variously throughout the history of humankind . Most of the decisions have been made with respect to human life after birth or outside the womb , including , but not limited to , those based on self - defense , survival , and deterrence to crime . In recent years , however , decisions with respect to the termination of human life inside the womb by way of abortion , especially those in the USA , have taken center stage . The problem with the soul argument is that it is faith - based rather than evidence - based . That is , the argument is a matter of belief without evidence that can stand up to scientific scrutiny . The predominant Christian belief is that the soul enters the human life at conception . The predominant Hindu belief is that the soul enters the human life during the seventh month after conception . The Christian version of the soul argument is compatible with a nonreligious or secular argument that abortion is not justified because the human life is viable beginning with conception . The argument is based on a broad definition of viability , that is , human life is viable if it is capable of development with help if necessary . And it is so capable from conception onward , first inside the womb with help from the mother as nature provides and after birth with the continued help of the mother , father , and others who provide support in the form of sustenance and nurture . Also , medical science plays an important helper 's role from conception onward , both inside the womb and after birth . An alternative definition of viability provided the missing wiggle room . A source that articulated the alternative is the United States Commission for the Protection of Human Subjects of Biomedical and Behavioral Research in a publication entitled , Fetal Viability and Death ( 2006 - 05 - 23 ) . The Commission stated that human life is viable if it is capable of development OUTSIDE THE WOMB with help if necessary that is independent of any integral connection with the mother and self - sustaining only with support from accepted medical treatments . The subsequent Planned Parenthood of Southeastern Pennsylvania v . Casey ( 1992 ) provided even more wiggle room for aborting human life . It disassociated viability from the hard line of 28 weeks in light of advances in related medical research and technology and permitted states to place greater emphasis on " undue burden " to the mother when regulating abortion . The Court stopped short of considering " undue burden " of human life to the mother after birth or outside the womb , especially during the teenage years of that life when some form of " retroactive abortion " might be considered consistent with the its ruling . Those who oppose a woman 's right to abort human life created terminology they considered more effective in marketing their cause . They refer to their cause as Pro - life instead of Anti - abortion . Being for something - life - has greater positive connotation than being against something - abortion . At the same time , they refer to the cause of Pro - choice advocates as Pro - abortion because it has greater negative connotation . Those who advocate a woman 's right to abort human life also created terminology they considered more effective in marketing their cause . They refer to their cause as Pro - choice instead of Pro - abortion . Being for something that is supportive of a woman 's right to choose has greater appeal than being for something that is supportive of terminating or aborting human life . At the same time , they refer to the cause of Pro - life advocates as Anti - choice because it has greater negative connotation .
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Members of the Third Ward can bookmark this site to find out announcements about the ward . This will not take place of the ward bulletin . Please call Sister Cardsdale to have items placed in the ward bulletin . 10 - Went boating 36 times with my family . There will be boating in heaven . 09 - Kept my weight at under 200 pounds ( righteous eating habits ) 08 - Learned how to boondoggle . 07 - Helped my son Kyle with his Pinewood Derby ( Wining isn 't everything Kyle . But having a good relationship with your father , is . 06 - Helped my son Nathan eradicate the word " retard " from his vocabulary and helped him see that something " hilarious " isn 't a justification for saying it . 05 - Invented a new kind of nog . Ham nog . It 's delicious . 04 - Inspired so many people in the ward to choose the right . 03 - Quarreled less . 02 - Avoided evil speaking of the Lord 's anointed , and also avoided looking down the shirt of Sister Laub even though I believe she bent over like that on purpose . Now , sister Laub . What are we going to do with those - - I mean , you . What are we going to do with you ? 01 - Strengthened the youth . Happy New Year , brothers and sisters . And may all your prayers be granted and half of your wishes . I was just thinking that if the pioneers would have had access to some jackets with Gore - tex when they crossed the plains , that would have really made things easier . Without it , though , you can really see why they got as cold as they did . I 'll bet if they did have Gore - tex , there would have been more of the following conversations : Man 1 : Looks like a storm 's a brew ' nMan 2 : Storm , schmorm . Man 1 : Huh ? What are you talking about . We 're bound to get cold and wet . Oh right . Gore - tex . I forgot . Man2 : By the way , why is your shoulder all torn up ? Man 1 : I just put my shoulder to the wheel . My son Nathan told me about Facebook and I felt it would be just another way to stay connected with the ward . If you use Facebook too , be sure and add me . You 'll be blessed for doing so . I 'll have to ask my son Nathan , but I don 't think you have to be in the same ward . Or even in the stake . In fact , I 'll bet you can live in other places and have different views on religion . I might be part of the one true church , and you might be in the full grip of Satan 's power . It 's facebooky fine . Want a great Christmas idea ? Give someone an afghan . They 're both itchy and cozy at the same time , reminding us that there must be opposition in all things . Young kids can benefit the most from this lesson . Old people can benefit the most from the extra layer . There is no need to be ashamed of poor circulation . Starting this spring , BYU will teach a class on how to be a general authority . The class not only prepares participants in becoming general authorities , but it will also help you learn lots more scriptures , including a few about faith , and some about prayer . Class topics with include : 1 . How to select a proper necktie2 . Which shades of dark blue are appropriate for a suit3 . How to lovingly scorn sinners4 . Voice intonation5 . Avoiding loud laughter6 . Avoiding fun7 . How to read from a tele - prompter8 . Food storage myths9 . The two occasions when it 's ok to swear10 . Whether or not Steve Martin is a Mormon and if not , what can we do to get him to be one11 . How to cut down a walnut tree you planted and make your very own podium12 . Celebrities we wish had never been Mormon to begin with13 . White hair , gray hair , no hair - - It 's all good14 . The real reason blacks couldn 't hold the priesthood for a while15 . Underground tunnel navigation review16 . Where to find stories of kids falling down wells , or stories about people picking up talking snakes17 . How to donate to Rush Limbaugh18 . Most hilarious excommunications19 . Be sure to marry someone better than you , but that talks to adults like they 're talking to a kindergarten class20 . Doctors that will discretely remove tattoos - ( no one 's prefect ) When I first became bishop two years ago I thought one of the perks would be that when I interview people , I would get to see some people I hate , cry . But as it turns out , I don 't hate anyone and I never really have . So that was a silly thing to think would be a perk . Instead , I should have realized the perks would be that I 'd see an increase in the spirit in my life and that I 'd get a good parking spot at church because I 'd get there before anyone else , and things like that . This calling is really teaching me a lot . Learning from the Lord is cool . Now , we just need to find a way to teach the young kids that having the spirit is cool . Wearing your pants low isn 't cool . Reading the scriptures in your native tongue or a secondary language is cool . Hitting people in the face with a mud - ball isn 't . Helping a neighbor throw out rotten food from their cellar is cool . Calling someone a douche - bag isn 't . Getting the crowd to sing " Teach Me To Walk In The Light " if you 're in a group where someone passes out and you 're all standing around while the paramedics work on him , is cool . Memorizing lines from popular movies , like Legally Blond and A Dirty Shame , isn 't . Now , let 's just teach the young kids . I had a dream last night that Joseph Smith prayed to find out who to vote for and his answer was that he should not vote for any of the candidates . That none of them would lead us in the right direction . But instead , that he should write in the name of Kelly Ripa . That 's when I realized I was dreaming . Well , thanks again for our guest bishop stepping in while I was away with the family in Lubbock Texas . One thing that happens to a man when he goes to Lubbock Texas is that he realizes how much the Lord has blessed him to be able to live in Provo Utah , what , with these beautiful mountains and our plentiful shopping areas that are closed on Sunday . Lubbock , my heart goes out to you . You have no mountains and your stores are open on Sunday so your town folk may be tempted to break the Sabbath . Oh , Lubbock Texas , how have you fallen so low ? A poem for LubbockLubbock , tempt me notwith our trinkets and your wine . I never meant to sinin such a dusty place . I 'm not saying that being a pioneer crossing the plains would have been easy . Of course they had their challenges . But sometimes I look back at their time and can 't help but wish I could have been one of them , with their nice cowboy hats , their matching shirts and their gitty - up sing songs . Sure I 'm happy with what I 've got , but a fellow can dream , can 't he ? Next week my family and I will be unable to attend our ward . We 're going to Lubbock Texas . It 's that time of year again when we visit my mother and help her do some work at the fish hatchery . And , just like last year , ( read about it here ) I 've decided to arrange for a " guest bishop " . The guest bishop I have secured is an old college buddy of mine . He 's true to the faith and has a large number of conservative neck - ties and I feel like he will do a bang - up job . When you see him next week , treat him with respect , just as you would treat me . Also , don 't tell him about the ward boat fund . I think that if you do he 'll be jealous when he goes back to his own ward . And don 't tell him about Mr . Wiggles , the ward dog , either . And come to think of it , don 't tell him about how we just had " casual Sunday " and that we all wore shorts to church . And don 't tell him about the snake that lives in the relief society room . And don 't tell him how I burst out laughing during brother Calberts testimony last year . ( So disrespectful . If he were still alive I would so tell him I 'm sorry ) . But do tell him how I let any of the ladies wear fancy hats inside the church , like they sometimes do in those Baptist churches . ( I love that about the Baptists ) . So while the guest bishop is here , mostly , just carry on like we 're a normal ward . Are you like me ? Do you sometimes run down to the store without purse or scrip and then you get to the checkout line and that 's when you figure out you 've left the house without your purse or scrip . So you run home to get them and then you 're walking across the parking lot and you hear some teenage boys yell out , " Ha ha . Look ! That man 's got a purse " . Does that ever happen to you ? It 's come to my attention that some members of the ward have begun a casserole wrestling club . Let me state that while it may not be as lurid and sensual as mud wrestling or jello wrestling , it is still unbecoming of a follower of Jesus . I 'd like to see that this is discontinued at once . Casserole wrestling - - what will they think of next ? Actually , please don 't answer that . I don 't want to know . It 's been over a year since Sister Adler had the quadruplets , Faith , Hope , Charity and Brenda . ( You can read about it here ) . Many of you have been asking why they named the boy " Brenda " and so you 'll be happy to hear they decided to change his name to Randy . Believe me , I 'm as relieved as you . Brother Samuelson is calling to ask that you quit campaigning to try and be elder 's quorum president . That 's not up to you . It 's up to the Lord . Davey Wicket called me yesterday . He was concerned about the reverence level in the nursery . As it turns out , he walked by the nursery room last Sunday just in time to overhear one of the youngsters yell out , " I can touch my eyeball " . Thing is , however , that he didn 't realize it was the nursery room but thought it was the Family Relations class . Once we realized the source of the misunderstanding , we both had a good laugh . Then I showed him how I can touch my eyeball . One thing you 'll learn about me if you 're new in the ward - - I love to joke and tease . This Week 's Profile : Stanford CamdonStanford Camdon may have a dumb name , but he has a terrific job . He owns a company that is the fourth largest producer of circus peanuts in the western United States ( not including Colorado ) . He inherited the company from his aunt who ran the company for years . You may have noticed that brother Camdon is hard of hearing . That 's a result , he shouted to me one day , of being around all the heavy machinery at his factory . You may have noticed that brother Camdon only has one leg . That 's because of an accident that took place at the factory years ago . You may have noticed that brother Camdon is missing three fingers on his left hand . He was born that way . Try not to stare . Brother Camdon , great to have you in the ward . The young women in the ward have come up with a new fellowship program designed to get more of the less active young men to come and participate . It 's called " My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Lord . " Let us all pray for its success . Wouldn 't it be great if Lex De Azevedo would write another one of those musicals , like My Turn On Earth , but only this time , it would be about a dashing bishop that loves his ward , sometimes too much . He takes them boating and he 's really good at badminton . But he lives next to a guy that thinks he should be the bishop instead and so he goes around telling people in the ward that the bishop isn 't very good at playing horseshoes and that he doesn 't know how to train a dog , even though he can . Man , talk about tension . How does it end ? I don 't know ! That 's why we need Lex De Azevedo . Where are you when we need you ? If you care at all about your salvation ( Heaven 's going to be awesome ! ) then I recommend you vote for this blog . We 've been nominated for something . I 'm not sure what . Probably something about how spiritual our ward is . I think the award is probably something like , the whole ward will get translated . You know how , when you think about the homeless , you always think about giving them a new pair of socks , or helping them get a burr out their beard ? Those things are nice , but sometimes the homeless like to just let their hair down and have a good time . That 's why we 're going to have a " Take the Homeless Boating " night . We tried this last year and it was a great success . Thanks to all the homeless that showed up last year : FlapjackLug nutCaptain ScabsCallicoBreadboxJib - jabNoxyLady Cha - chaCornhuskBadgerRicketts McGheeMr . ShinyLord VagabondDave Norley Last Sunday , Justin Gorble blessed their sweet little daughter , Cassie . Justin informed me there were quite a few things he forgot to mention in the blessing . And while they won 't " count " now , he did want me to mention to the ward some of the things he wishes he would have remembered to say . . . . And Cassie , we bless you to never use swear words until you 're at least 21 , and then only if you 're in a play about coal miners . We bless you to be extra kind to Chinese people . They seem to hardly ever get a break . We bless you to not marry anyone named Butch . That name alone should tell you all you need to know . We bless you to be healthy , and if you do get an anal fissure , it won 't be until you are at least 93 years old . We bless you to not get vanity license plates . We bless you to be able to keep from bursting into laughter whenever you meet people that say they went to LDS business college . We bless you to be a good speller . You come from a long and proud line of Gorbles . Never forget that you are a Gorble . While the name may be a little silly and sort of sounds like an overweight person with a double chin , you should still be proud of your heritage and just be glad your last name isn 't Siemens . We bless you , that , if during your lifetime , someone figures out a way for humans to become invisible , you will use this power for good , never for evil . Satan will try and tempt you to become invisible and go to movies without paying for them . Resist this temptation . We bless you to avoid getting an email address that sounds like you 're a stripper . We bless you to be kind to animals , but never try to elect one to political office . We bless you that you will have a beautiful singing voice that will lift the spirits of many through the power of music . Learn well the songs of Karen Carpenter . These songs will bless the lives of so many people at the old folks home if you can just get over the smell and humble yourself to go there and perform . We bless you to have good memorization skills but also be good at ping - pong and hacky sac . And Posted by If you weren 't there in sacrament meeting last Sunday , boy oh boy did you miss a great meeting . I don 't remember what anyone talked about , but we got out five minutes early . That gave me some extra time to shake some hands and squeeze in an extra bishop 's interview . I won 't tell you who it was , but I will tell you that she will be coming in next week too , and the week after that . And she drives a blue Lexus . As many of you know , while I don 't technically feel like I 'm better than you , I do feel like I excel , in many areas , more than most people . I 'm very good with home financing , for example . I 'm very frugal , but not cheap . I do enjoy an expensive meal at the Olive Garden from time to time , but I can also enjoy myself at Del Taco . I don 't brag , but I do feel comfortable talking about how I can most likely beat you in Scrabble or Badminton . Is that wrong ? No . Because I talk about it as a way of getting you to be a better person . It 's all in the reason why I do it . If I was doing it to vaunt myself above you or for gloating purposes , then yes , it would be wrong . But I learned at an early age that it 's so much more helpful to talk about your superiority with humility . And I 'm very good at it . It 's just another one of my skills . Did I develop this skill overnight ? I did not . I developed it over three nights after attending a seminar 20 years ago called " Humility : Good , but other skills are way better " . Dolly Frischknecht always loved her last name . That was because her mother used to tell her that is was Polish for " both regal and fragrant " . Her mother was lying . It is , in fact , Polish , but the real meaning of the name is " I think I 'm going to sneeze " . It was years before Dolly learned the truth and when she did , became angry , then bitter , then angry , then sad , then giddy ( that was only for a few minutes while she was riding a roller coaster at Lagoon ) and then back to angry again . During this period of her life , she met the Mormon missionaries . They taught her about love and forgiveness and Dolly learned that when we are angry at others , the only one it hurts is ourselves . ( Unless during the time we are angry , we sock the other person in the jaw ) . Dolly has now been a member of the church for two years and is currently serving on the ward cafeteria planning committe . I also want to point out that Dolly is nearly 7 feet tall . Freakish for a man , but even more so for a woman . Do not let that stop you from welcoming her in our ward . There is no place in our ward for looking at someone with a odd or strange trait that deep inside you are so glad you don 't have , and treating them any differently because of it . Posted by If you want a t - shirt that says , " I am way more humble than you " or " Sexual innuendo on the rise " you can get one here . All proceeds go towards the ward boat fund . Perfect for back - to - school and endorsed by myself and Stake President Martin . I won 't be speaking in General Conference this year , but that hasn 't stopped me from preparing a talk , just in case things change between now and October . My talk is on the importance of husbands allowing their wives get as many pillows for the bed as they want . In my experience , there is a direct correlation between the happiness in marriage and the quantity of bed pillows therein . Some of the happiest couples I know have a bedroom that would be mistaken for a pillow museum or pillow show - room . I 'm not going to say how many pillows a couple should have . That is to be left up to the individual couple and can only be decided after much fasting and prayer . And don 't let anyone tell you how many you should have . Except eight is a baseline . At least get eight . But then , after that , don 't let anyone tell you how many more you should have . The pillows don 't all need to be full size . Some of them can be cute , small , decorative pillows . In fact , some of them will need to be if you 're going to get 20 or 30 pillows on that bed . And I don 't need to tell you this , but some of those little Chinese pillows are so adorable . Should you go in debt to buy a bigger bed in order to accommodate the amount of pillows needed to secure a happy marriage ? Quite simply , yes . And that 's what I 'd talk about in conference . Call me crazy , but I don 't think there 's anything wrong with our young missionaries giving their investigators an extra incentive for joining the church . I mean , what 's wrong with letting them know that if they get baptized by next week , they 'll throw in a delightful spa package for both the investigator and her husband valued at $ 550 and if they get baptized two weeks after that , they still get a prize , but instead of the spa treatment , it 's a Cherie Call CD . If Cherie Call can 't get them to join the church , I don 't know what will . ( Well , the spirit ) . Cherie Call has a CD called Heart Made of Wind . Take that , gentiles . Brother Mendelbaum thinks it 's so funny to come out of the bathroom and then say , " Funny . I don 't even remember eating corn . " I think it 's gross . Brother Meldon asked me a question on Sunday and I don 't know the answer . He wanted to know if , in terms of sinning , " loud laughter " and " loud giggling " are the same thing . I 'll have to ask the Stake President . Long time ward member Chuck Livingston finally changed her name last week . She was tired of being mistaken for a man ( because of her first name Chuck , not because of the slight mustache ) so she had it legally changed to Dawn . She told me recently that she felt she had to wait for her mother to pass away before she could change it . She felt like her mother , Steve Livingston , wouldn 't have been very happy about the change . SIDENOTE : Sister Steve Livingston also had a noticeable mustache . It used to scare my son Nathan when he was younger . You can 't buy your way into the kingdom of heaven . Unless , of course , your talking about the new theme park " Kingdom of Heaven " started by our own ward member , Kit Arteburger . The Kingdom of Heaven is a new " spiritual themed " theme park . Get it ? Spiritual is the theme of this theme park . Before you ride Noah 's Ark ( my favorite ride ) you must first go to the barn and bring back two chickens or two pigs , or two of whatever animal you can gather in the barn . That 'll teach you to disobey God 's word ! And the ride " Joseph Smith 's Beard " isn 't so much of a ride as it is a fun quiz game where you must root out fact from fiction and the subject is church history . Did Brigham Young have a third nipple ? That 's for you to decide when you visit " Joseph Smith 's Beard " . Opens this Fall ! The cannery has called to let me know that someone in our ward left their car keys at the building . They were found after the last shift . They keys are described as having a skull and crossbones key ring , along with a rabbits foot , an owls foot , a vial of consecrated oil , a vial of sheep 's blood and 7 separate keys . It looks like one of the keys is to a Toyota Corolla . Now , that 's nothing to be ashamed of . Please don 't decide to not come forward and claim the keys just because you drive a Corolla . Lots of really neat people drive a Corolla . They are an affordable and parsimonious choice . Seriously . Please come get your keys . I 'm dying to know who drives a Corolla . I promise I won 't laugh . Out loud . My brother is making a new restaurant in Las Vegas just for Mormons . It 's called " The International Ward House of Pancakes " . I 'll expect lots of whole grains , yum - yum . You know , we talk so much about Joseph Smith and Brigham Young being the presidents of the church , but we never talk about their vice presidents . Can you guess why ? a ) Their vice presidents were minorities b ) No one thought to write their names down so we have no idea who they were c ) The church doesn 't have vice presidents . Too worldly . Charlie Tibble , the ward gay , is working on a new musical called Church Court : The Musical . It 's a classic tale of love and betrayal and ultimately , redemption , and even more ultimately , delicate prancing ( a reoccurring theme in all of Charlie 's work ) . He expects to have the play finished in 2014 so stay tuned for that one . I like to think about what things would be like for Joseph Smith if he were alive today . I bet he 'd be good friends with Peter Breinholt , Marvin Payne and Governor Huntsman . And do you think he 'd get introduced like , " And now , the first prophet of the Mormon Church . . . " or " And now , at age 203 , the oldest man on earth . . . " As the bishop of the ward , I get a little worked up when I hear about our members sinning . Here is a list of actual statements I 've overheard recently when they didn 't know I could hear them , and it really just boils my blood . " Petting is an enjoyable activity . " " When I 'm thirsty , I reach for an alcoholic beverage . " " Once I learned how to win at Blackjack , everything was all right . " " Coffee makes me feel alive . " " I emotionally neglect my spouse but totally make up for it at Christmas and also in the bedroom , if you know what I mean . " " When I drive past the Larsen 's house and wave , I count that as home teaching . " " General conference is so boring . I 'd rather play badminton . " This week 's profile : Dill Billett ( It 's not French . It 's pronounced how it looks ) . Dill Billett met his wife under unusual circumstances . He accidentally ran over her with a car while pulling out of Hogi Yogi one night . He rushed her to the hospital during which , she had a vision that she should marry Dill . Later , after they had been married for a couple years , he ran over her with the car again . This time on purpose . Not very nice , if you ask me , even if it was just her leg . He was taken to jail , then anger management classes , then to Los Hermanos where he apologized to his wife . Dill has been in our ward for six years now and has served in the Scouting program . Not the one with the boy scouts , but the one where we used to keep a lookout on the roof of the church . We were all paranoid that hooligans were going to egg the church during sacrament meeting and felt like we needed a scout ; a lookout . No one ever did egg the church , and I feel like it was , in part , because Dill was such a good Scout . He has also served in the primary as well as the secondary . Thanks , Dill , for being a part of our ward . It 's strange , but brother Alan Siepert , our ward liar , has been quiet for a few months and hasn 't tried to spread his lies for some time . But I knew that silence was too good to be true . The problem with brother Alan Siepert 's lies , is how believable they are , and how effective he is in convincing the ward that what he says is true . So while we do have the Spanish Branch in our stake , believe me , we DO NOT have a hunchback branch . As far as I know , there are no hunchback branches anywhere in the church . Let 's be very clear on that . Brother Siepert , why do you do this ? Last night as I was reading the scriptures to my youngest son , Trevor , he asked me why Jesus only healed the blind but not the hunchbacks . I 'm telling you this in case you get asked the same question from your own children . I told little Trevor that of course Jesus healed the hunchbacks . We just don 't have a record of it . He healed many people with a variety of ailments from bee - stings to blindness and back down to bee stings then over to cramping and heart palpitations and everything in between . Including hunchbackedness . I can only imagine how vivid my imagination would be if I was to let Satan have his way with me and my thoughts . And I don 't like what I 'm imagining . Although I will say , that blouse is a nice color on you . This week , let us always remember the pioneer stories . For example , the faith promoting story of how one pioneer had a vision of the future and saw what we now know of as the " car " . Once he saw these motorized hand - carts in a vision , he realized he could just stay in Missouri , ( which he did ) and then two generations later , his ancestors were able to get in a car and drive to Salt Lake . On their way , they stopped in Wyoming for ice cream . Happy Pioneer Day , brothers and sisters . I just found out that the wonderful publication Brigham Young Look - Alikes Magazine will be folding after only three issues . This is a real tragedy , but shouldn 't be all that surprising when you think about it . I mean , where were they going to get all that content month after month ? We had to cancel the primary kids social this Saturday because we forgot that was the same day we were holding a church court for the primary president . I really don 't know how that slipped my mind . But you think that 's bad . You should have been there when I forgot I wasn 't supposed to tell my wife ( or anyone for that matter ) the reason why Candice Egbert came to my office crying last week . I really am forgetful sometimes . You know how we are supposed to have clean hands and a pure heart ? I go one step further . Whenever I read the scriptures I make sure I have clean hands , pure heart , AND fresh breath . 1 And now it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words , a ton of people took notes but then argued like crazy about who had the correct version . 2 For with what judgement ye judge , ye shall be judged , except for Judge Judy , who , quite honestly , will be laughed right out of heaven . 3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother 's eye , but considerest that the acne he has is way more noticeable . 4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother : Let me pull the mote out of thine eye , and can I also borrow your bicycle ? 5 Thou hypocrite . You just told your friends that your brother 's bike is a piece of junk and now you want to borrow it ? 6 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs , neither cast ye your pearls before swine . In fact , don 't cast your pearls at all . There 's a pretty good chance your husband paid a lot of money for those pearls and casting them before swine or anyone for that matter makes no sense at all . No pearl casting . I should have made that commandment number eleven . 7 Ask and it shall be given unto you ; seek , and ye shall find ; knock and it shall be opened unto you . This is a pretty simple , three step process . What part of ask - seek - knock don 't you understand ? 8 For every one that asketh , shall receive 20 % off during the month of April . 9 Or what man is there of you , who , if his son ask bread will give him a stone ? It 's hilarious to do it , but ultimately , not very nice . 10 Or if he ask a fish , will he give him a serpent ? Or if he ask for his pearls to be cast before swine , cast them instead before a fish ? Or if he asks if he can get a rabbit , you say , only if you like rabbit stew ? 11 If ye , then , being evil , know how to give good gifts unto your children , how much more shall your Father who is in heaven give good things to them that ask him ? Probably a lot more than Santa . 12 Therefore , all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you , do ye even so to them , for this is the law of the prophets . Another law of the prophets is to try to do as much good as possible and prophesy and alPosted by This year for the scout fund raiser we are asking the ward members how much they will pay us to NOT be called as scout master . It 's a pilot program . If it works , we are going to do something similar for ward mission leader . What if you could buy your testimony . That would be great . And what would be even greater is if you could get them at a store called Stockton to Malone Testimony . I 'd pray for that , but I 'm too busy praying that my son Nathan will get a job this summer . I wish he could work at Stockton to Malone Testimony . This week 's profile : Barlow VanKildoneBarlow VanKildone will be the first to admit that he has a soft heart . He will be the third to admit that he has a temper , and he will be either the tenth or the eleventh to admit that he looks like a freaking idiot when he grows a beard , which he does every year during hunting season . But back to the soft heart . It is because of that , that we made him the canning specialist . There is no real direct correlation , but I just felt as though a person that cares deeply for others should have a say in the way chili should be packaged . I don 't really know why , but that 's one of the great things about going by the spirit . You don 't always know the reason why . Sometimes you 'll find out the reason in three years , sometimes you just might never find out . You just go with it . So can on , Barlow . Can on ! My sister is just a little too conservative for me . I mean , I like being conservative and voting for Mitt Romney and making sure the ten commandments are hung in our courthouses across this land , but my sister won 't eat foods described as " tangy " and she refuses to give any of her friends a " shout out " when she thinks they 've done something neat . That 's just a little too conservative for me . I 'm not using the power of discernment when I say this ( I 'm using what 's know as common sense ) but I just don 't think Margo Baillet 's book " Using The Power of Discernment Instead of Common Sense " will be a big seller . Who knows . I 've been wrong before . The year was 1983 . Heavens , what a classic mix - up . What happened , see , is that we had intended for brother Guy Fillaber to come and speak with the Elder 's Quorum about his harrowing journey through drug addiction and on the same Sunday , we had planned on having Milo Tucket come speak to the youngsters about how to raise rabbits . It 's seems funny now , but we had a classic mix - up so that Guy Fillaber told the youngsters about drug addiction ( and a graphic play by play explanation of his intravenous injection , also known as " shooting up " ) and Milo Tucket spoke to the Elder 's Quorum about how to raise rabbits ( they are born blind and hairless and can easily contract Coccidiosis which can spread quickly ) . Oh , my . Funny . This is one Sunday you won 't want to ask your kids what they learned in primary ! PS - Dogs can also get Coccidia . And black tar , smack , junk , skag , horse , brain , chaw , chiva , china white and dust are all " street names " or " slang " for heroin . So many have asked about the wisdom of bringing a live ox in the foyer of the church to remind you all of our ward hand - cart trek . The ox ate the flowers and put a hole in the sofa with its hoof . Still , I stand by my decision . This week , the child in our primary that has a birthday : Loves pizzaJust got a new red bike for his / her birthdayDoesn 't like squashWishes she / he had a snakeBed wetterCries when she / he hears thunder76 % attendance in primary last yearWho is it ? If you guessed Cole Borden , you are so wrong . If you guessed Missy Dalton you 're right ! If you guessed Jack Ericson , why are you still guessing ? I just told you it was Missy Dalton . " I never said churning butter would be easy , I only said it would be creamy . " That heart - felt bit of dialogue is from the new pioneer commemorative pageant that our ward will be putting on for the whole stake . This year , for the 24th of July , we have some stake - wide activities in addition to our own individual activities . And each ward in the stake has been asked to do something for the stake get - together on the 24th of July . Our ward was asked to put on a commemorative pageant , the 9th ward was asked to bring a salad . ( Hardly anyone in that ward can sing ) . Our hats go off to the wonderful ward choir for their part in this . Then our hats will go right back on because we 'll all be participating in another handcart trek . You may recall how , in previous years , you 've been asked to supply your own oxen . This year will be no different . Put your shoulder to the wheel , brothers and sisters . It 's that time of year again . I had a dream last night that a stick of butter said to a vial of oil , " This town ain 't big enough for the two of us " and challenged the concecrated oil to a duel the next day at high noon . The stick of butter lost the duel . The consecrated oil shot and killed the butter , and in my dream , that 's the reason we use consecrated oil . Thanks to the recent boat fund donors . You will be blessed for that . So you say , in what form will the blessing come . Many forms . First , you will feel a sense of warmth and peace pass over you knowing you did the right thing . This will come almost immediately . If this has not come yet , find a quiet spot and contemplate how much fun you 'll have out on the lake when we all go boating as a ward family . If that doesn 't bring a sense of peace , it 's possible you did not donate enough money . The second way that a blessing will come is through some coupons in the mail . Have you heard of ValPak ? These can be redeemed at many of the local merchants for services that you probably already need . Lawn aeration . Wisdom teeth removal . And from time to time you might get a coupon that lets you save money on stabling a horse . I just went for a walk around the neighborhood . It 's very late for me . I 'm usually in bed by 9 : 45pm every night . You know what they say : Early to bed . That 's the whole saying . Early to bed . There might have been more , but normally , then you go to bed , so there isn 't time to go on about making a man healthy and wealthy . But listen - - that 's neither here no there . The thing I wanted to write about was that as I walked through the neighborhood and peered in some of your windows to check on you , I was surprised to see how many people were still up . It 's midnight for heaven 's sake . What , brothers and sisters , do you do this late at night ? I just have no idea why you are still up . Sister Rose Gopsong had one of those near - death experiences and while " dead " met and interviewed the Destroying Angel . She said , as it turns out , the destroying angel is quite a nice fellow - - gentle , good sense of humor , and enjoys practical jokes . Isn 't that neat ! I sure wouldn 't have guessed all those things . Thanks , Rose . I just had a long conversation with a neighbor of mine . He just moved here from California and has so many misconceptions about Mormons . Just to be clear , we do not pray to Stephen Covey . We can pray for him , but not to him . He will not answer your prayers . I 'm not even sure he will hear them . I just finished reading a report stating that the amount of sexual innuendo we see on TV and movies is on the rise . I read that and was flabbergasted . I nearly had a flabbergasm . What is happening to our world ? It needs be that I need new lawn chairs . Save it be that our others are worn out . I will go down to the Home Depot tomorrow , save it be , that it is Saturday , a special day . I can 't wait to go to Bishop 's Conference next month . It 's held at BYU every other year and it 's for Bishops in the church to get together and talk about issues we all deal with every day . There are classes and lectures to attend , firesides , and an ice cream sundae bar that would make any 15 year old kid wet his pants . It 's just like youth conference but without the dance on Saturday night . ( That would be real funny if someone in the planning department forgot that only Bishops were coming and so they put " Dance " in the program for Saturday night and then everyone would just stand around at the dance , real uncomfortable , just staring at the most attractive bishop wondering if they should ask him to dance just because they 're all at a dance , or maybe they shouldn 't because someone would think they were gay because they were dancing with another guy even though - - hey - - you put it on the program , so , that 's why I 'm dancing . That would be real funny and then every year after that when you saw the other Bishops that were there you would slap each other on the back the way men do and you 'd say , " Remember that year they accidentally had a dance and Bishop Wacolmb asked Bishop Nordon to dance and it turns out they both knew the Foxtrot ? ) . Even Kurt Bestor will be there to perform . From time to time we highlight some of the most active members of the ward , which causes some of the less actives to feel less important . This saddens me . They are not less important . I keep telling them that . Why don 't they listen ? I have even said it over a loud - speaker while driving by their house . So today I 'm going to highlight of our less active members - - Plappen Elker . ( Weird name , I know ) . Plappen , as you may be able to tell from the smell coming out of his home during dinner time , is not from the United States . I don 't know where he 's from because he is very hard to understand . He has told me on more than one occasion , but I really don 't have the foggiest idea . It may be near the Philippines . Either that , or it is on the opposite side of the globe as the Philippines . One or the other . Or neither . It just occurred to me that maybe his brother is living in the Philippines . Or maybe he was saying some name that sounded like the Philippines . In any regard , he wasn 't born in Utah . I 'll just tell you that . But he lives her now , and we 're pleased and delighted to have him in the ward . Also , he is very good at Ping Pong . I 'll be honest , I have no idea what it 's like in snake heaven . So I was at a loss a few days ago when little Maggie Pelten cried on the phone to me about a lost snake . They thought it might have crawled in to the VCR , but truth be told , they weren 't entirely certain . ( I would not eat at the Pelten residence for at least three months , if I were you ) . She asked me if her snake was going to heaven . I told her of course her snake was going to heaven . Unless her snake has been smoking tobacco cigarettes and marijuana cigarettes , or unless her snake has been writing graffiti messages on the lavatory walls at school . She assured me that her snake has not being doing any of those things and I told her then her snake would be going to heaven . She asked me what snake heaven was like . And I have to be honest with you , I didn 't know what to tell her . See , sometimes , as Bishops , we don 't have all the answers and I don 't think we are expected to . On the other hand , sometimes we are expected to know the answers . This is one of those hands where I didn 't know . What would you have told little Maggie ? Many ask , " Bishop , where do you find the inspiration for all the good advice you give me " . Many assume I 've read the book " Give Good Advice Up the Ying - Yang " or " An Advice - givers Guide to Giving Advice That Didn 't Come From Dr . Phil " . I don 't really know how to answer such a question . I think I 've always been a little bit like this . Even at a very young age I was giving people as old as 18 and 19 years old some advice . Of course , back then it was advice such as " Hey , quit hitting me " or " You 're going to fall off that " but it put me on the track of helping . And that 's really what it 's all about when you think about it . Helping . Helping and giving and pointing out ways that you could do things as proficiently as I do them . It 's a gift . My gift . Your gift might have to do with being able to tell if it 's too hot in a particular room for your grandmother , so without asking you just go turn down the heat for her . Or your gift might be to play the violin at a high level of skill but not skilled enough to be a concert violinist so instead you work as a clerk in a law firm which makes you realize your real gift is to not be mad a God that you 're not a more gifted violin player . There 's so many gifts and each person has at least two . Your gift may be as benign as being left handed , so you ask , why on earth is that a gift and then you find out that your real gift is how inquisitive you are . Sometimes it takes people their whole lifetime to discover what their gift is . Others discover it as early as age nine . Anyone that thinks they have discovered their gift sooner than that is probably just dreaming . I mean , come on ? Do you mean to tell me that your seven year old son can already speak three languages and can also beat you at guitar hero ? So let me give you some advice . Learn early what your gifts and talents are . The sooner you discover them , the sooner you can apply at that law firm for the clerk job . Allow me to get personal . Many of you have known me for quite a few years . You 've seen me experience both joy and the flip side of joy , which is yoj . So it shouldn 't surprise any of you that have known me for a long time , that I 've thought about growing a mustache once I am no longer Bishop . I will only have it for two weeks , tops . I don 't know why I 'm posting this , but I felt like it was something I should do . No need to worry yourself sick because it 's just a rumor at this point . If you haven 't heard , some of our ward members have been discussing the idea that the Second Coming has been canceled due to a lack of interest . This has yet to be confirmed . For the next two weeks in the foyer at church we will have a table set up of lost and found items . Please check the table for any items you may have lost . No word yet on whether Tabitha Clawson 's virtue will be there . I 'm somewhat disturbed about the outcome of last week 's cake auction . It was a grand success , and for that , I am thankful . However , the top selling cakes turned out to be Sister Blassengame 's lovely cake shaped like the Provo Temple as well as Brother Vonderbun 's cake decorated to look like a young women in a two piece bathing suit . I 've been told that the reason it sold for so much was because of its uncanny resemblance to Tabitha Clawson . This disturbs me . Are you like me ? Do you write in your journal three times a day but still feel like you aren 't doing a good enough job of writing your personal history ? Then you 'll be so pleased to know that the church has just told all the bishops that we no longer have to worry about any kind of record keeping . Instead , we should spend more time with our families . That includes boating ( at least one of your kids must be present ) , walks in the park , and a game we at our house call " Topsy Turvy Kitten " . Just kidding . We still have to keep records . Go back to feeling guilty for your inadequacies . The teenagers of our day are doing way too much talent hiding under a bushel . What I mean , is that if you hide your talents under a bushel , no one will get to see how well you can sing " On the good ship lollipop " or " Eye of the tiger " . That 's a shame . It 's also a sin . I abhor sin . I also don 't like cauliflower or canned yams . I once knew a girl my age who hid her bushel under a bushel . Too bad for her . As far as I could tell , she had a really nice bushel . One of my favorite hymns is a song that , as it turns out , isn 't a hymn at all . Its a popular song from Neil Diamond called " Forever in Blue Jeans " . It has a wonderful message about how money doesn 't sing and dance and how it 's a real special feeling to have your wife right beside you and how you should be sure and wait until you 're married to have sex . Ok . I made that last part up , but it 's still a good idea to wait . There are a few people in the ward that love to point out the flaws of others . Since I 'm bishop , I won 't say who you are , but I suggest looking at either the mote or the beam in your own eye rather than going on and on about the mote or beam in your neighbor 's eye . ( I can never remember which is which about if you have a mote or a beam in your eye and if your neighbor only has a mote or does he have a beam ? ) Speaking of something in your neighbor 's eye , Jared Fillgette works for a company that makes glass eyes out of plastic . This makes it much more comfortable for the user , Jared says , but don 't stand too close to the fire . Can you imagine this scene - - Glass eye user : My eye is melting , my eye is melting ! Unsuspecting passerby : Oh no . You 'll go blind . Glass eye user : I 'm already blind in that eye . I 'm yelling because now I " ll have to buy a new eye and they are real expensive . I was saving up for new boat for duck fishing . Our ward historian , Calbert Eldrige Furbey has discovered a wax cylinder recording , or , phonograph cylinder recording of a young Lorenzo Snow singing " Froggy went a courting " . It 's difficult to tell if it 's the early technology , or young Lorenzo 's voice , but at one point in the song , it seems that his voice begins to crack . I 'll bet that wouldn 't have happened had he been singing one of the church hymns . That 's more of a comment on the power of the church hymns than on the voice of a prophet - to - be . Alan Siepert has done it again and we don 't call him the ward liar for nothing . He has some of you convinced that all the good seats in heaven are taken . He said all seats in front , close to God have been reserved since 1956 . First of all , there aren 't any seats in heaven close to God . All the seats are good and all the seats are close to God . Now , it is true that only 30 % are padded and those are in heaven 's relief society room . This week 's profile : Gavin AugglerGavin Auggler tells me that growing up with unusually large ears was not as difficult as you might think , thanks to a mother that used to tell him , " Gavin , those enormous ears of yours are Gods way of saying thanks for being such a good listener to everyone in the pre - existence " and she also used to say that God was telling him " because you have such big ears , I promise you will not get cancer or Crohn 's disease , although I can 't say for sure about Carotenosis . " Gavin has been in the ward for 12 years and has served on the high council and the low council as well as a Sunday School teacher and they guy that keeps everything up to date on the bulletin board . We are glad he 's in our ward . Even though one of his ears is just outside the ward boundary . Just kidding . His whole body is in our ward . We love you Gavin . A special ward committe has been formed to find out why in the name of all things holy the Jeppsons ' family home evenings are so boring . We 've been hearing complaints from their children for years now , but only recently have we heard complaints from brothers and sisters of the ward that are not related . For example , Shelly Wexler was in the neighborhood and thought she 'd drop off some size 6 pants that her son no longer wore . She wanted to give them to the Jeppsons because , as you know , the Jeppsons have the twins , Bobby and Tippett , that should be able to fit in size 6 pants , even though most of their friends are wearing size 8 . ( Malnourished , if you ask me ) . Anywho . . . Sister Wexler dropped off the pants and was invited in and was told " come on in - - we 're nearly through with family home evening " . She happened to arrive on a night that had Brother Jeppson sculpting an exact replica of Nauvoo , circa 1839 , with a crude " clay " he made himself out of flour and old socks . Sister Wexler reports hearing one of the children whisper " can someone try to knock me unconscious . " We 'll get to the bottom of this . In our Bishop 's council meeting we discussed ways to re - activate the less actives and activate the downright hostile folks back to full fellowship . You 'll be pleased to know that we received a revelation that told us the way to do it was with a potato bar at the end of Sacrament Meeting . While all of you faithful will make your way to Sunday School , I 'll be serving the less actives a serving of baked potato goodness and a full serving of welcome back into the fold . Many of you have been asking how Kip Nelson has been doing , and particularly , how come his leg isn 't getting any better after all the fasting and prayers we 've been doing . As it turns out , we 've been praying for the wrong leg . It 's the left leg that 's got the gummy knee . That 's probably my fault and I take nearly all the blame . We ask that you not sell the keys to our building . Do not sell them and do not give them to your friends . We know that Casey Altoon , for example , has been selling stolen goods on E - bay , including keys to our building . It has been reported to me by his mother that his medication has been adjusted and that many of your missing items should be returned shortly . I believe that includes Candy Larsen 's kitten , Phil Drygert 's garden hose , and Rose Thompson 's urn collection . She also wondered if someone had one of those padded helmets she could borrow for Casey . He sold his on E - bay . Many of you have wondered why it has been such a long time since I kept you up to date on the ward happenings . Had I been released , many of you wondered ? Had I been spending time at a house of ill repute , others questioned . None of those . Wrong . All of you . I have been giving my son Nathan a lecture . It was long on substance and long on length . That is what has been going on . In the mean time , Brother Samuelson , the Executive Secretary has been doing a bang up job on running the ward in to the ground . Thank goodness I 'm back . Brother Tibbits is making his wonderful Crab Cakes this Sunday night to be had after our monthly ward prayer . As always , we 'll be having it at the church . Come for the prayer , stay for the crab . If any of you lack the real reason the organist was released , let him ask the bishop . Sister Danzig was released from being organist , not because she was kept playing too loud ( as brother Jepson suggested on a weekly basis ) but because she was mad I would not let her install and use a drum machine to accompany her during sacrament meeting . That 's the real reason . You parents can call them little angels , but we in the bishopric know different . Sister Thompson had prepared a special casserole for Mardel Gibbs since he just had a second stroke . She came by the church on Sunday to pick up sister Lori Green so the two of them could deliver the casserole together . As she was coming in to the church to get sister Green , the CTR - b class opened her van and took the casserole from the front seat and hid it in the bushes . No one could find it for three days . The only good that I can see from this story is that Mardel 's stroke has made it very difficult for him to eat anything other than liquids and chunk - free paste , so he probably wouldn 't have been able to enjoy the casserole anyway . But still . Just so that you , we , as a bishopric , rate each and every one of the testimonies given on fast and testimony Sunday . We use a five star rating . These are mostly kept to ourselves . I will tell you that Reed Thomas usually gets 4 or 5 stars . But not this week . We also award a testimony of the month award . You won 't know who it is , though . It 's just for our own amusement . Just because President Martin throws like a girl is no reason that we shouldn 't respect him any more than you respect me . Please realize , I played baseball in high school and still stay quite physically active . But those are not the kinds of things on which to base your respect for our stake president . He is a good man . He plays the violin quite well , and has a number of different scriptures memorized - - some of them are in the Bible . Let us all respect President Martin , the Stake President that throws like a girl . I love Jesus . I also like apple juice , marching bands and things that are soothing , like sunsets , the holy spirit , and hand lotion . Also , pickles . Haven 't I met you before ? Perhaps 2 . 5 million years ago in the pre - existence . Remember how we could never wear hats in the pre - existence ? Too windy .
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Alot has happened this last week . . . . . . . so I am just going to jot down a few highlights . Highlights meaning important . . . . not necessarily " good . " Last Friday morning . . . . We received some very sad news that Chuck 's cousin Pam 's daughter Jennifer ( age 27 ) was killed in a car accident on her way to Pensacola Beach for the weekend with a group of friends . They were nearing the exit to Pensacola when it happened . Stormy weather , hydroplaning and flipping over an embankment . . . . . sudden death . Jennifer was the passenger . . . . the driver was her good friend and sustained only minor injuries . While we are heartbroken for Pam and her family . . . . I cannot help but think about the driver . Survivor 's guilt must be the most horrible thing to deal with . Next to the loss of a child . Once again , I am reminded of how quick life can change . This is a photo of the Mississippi cousins and second cousins taken at Christmas of 2005 . Jennifer is the second to the left on the back row . . . . standing by Will , who is next to Cameron . Jordan is sitting on the sofa in the pink tshirt . Jennifer will be missed . Last weekend . . . . was Will 's prom and WRAP ( Wilcats Right After Prom . . . . the all night lock - in ) . His group traveled on Saturday to a beach house in Galveston for the 3 day weekend . Five parents took shifts and chaperoned the group of 14 . Chuck and I chaperoned on Sunday from 10 am until 6 pm and then I stayed through Monday morning with another mom . Heading into the weekend with the bad news about Jennifer , it was hard to be relaxed . But I worked very hard at it as the last thing a teenager understands is that they are mortal . Everytime one of the kids left the beach house to go down to the beach or got in their car to drive to the store or a beach further down . . . . it was all I could do not to lecture them . I usually just said , " take care of one another " because they weren 't going to listen anyway . . . . . . and it 's all in God 's hands , right ? Chaperone is actually the wrong word to describe what I did for those 14 kids . I am going to use the term " maid service " Posted by Last night was the Senior Prom . . . . . . . . Will 's group had 17 dressed up kids . The odd number is because 1 girl had no date . I don 't even really know this girl , but I love that she has enough self esteem to get the dress and go it alone . . . . with 8 couples in a limo . And I love that the kids included her . Actually , most of these couples are only good friends . Will 's date is a friend and I believe that what they have in common is their silliness . Or she is his side - kick . She laughed at everything he did . . . . . which just fed him to do more . There was contant laughing and goofing off , making it very hard to get a good picture . Can you spot Will ? He 's the only guy in a white tux . One last picture in the limo . It made me a little nervous that Will was sitting by a car door . If you recall , he jumped out of a moving car in 10th grade . . . . . for a laugh . But I can report that he is safely home in bed today . This is the limo driver . It 's a she . This is right before take - off and she is telling them she is going to be " their step mama for the night . . . . . . . . . or their soul sister . . . . whatever you want to call me , but here 's the rules . . . . . . . . . " I couldn 't really hear what all she was saying but I did catch her saying " and I know you all acting goody - goody right now in front of your parents , but as soon as we drive away you gonna . . . . . . . . . . . " Ha . Does she really think these kids are going to act differently when the parents aren 't standing around ? Uh , yeah . Like 180 ' turnaround . You know how I know ? Because I was a teenager once . Posted by Post 1 . . . . . Will 's Award Ceremony . . . . orhow we roll around hereI took off at 12 : 15 yesterday to attend Will 's award ceremony . I got home at 12 : 22 ( love my commute ) and Cameron is still asleep . I yell at her up the stairs to " hurry , get up , you have to go with me . " Award ceremonies are painful and I needed Cameron with me to endure the pain . She gets ready in 10 minutes ( college is paying off ! ) and we start to head out . My cell phone was dead and the charger was upstairs in Will 's room ( no way was I going there ) . But out of habit , I checked it again . There was a text message from Will from 8 : 22 am . Whoops . I never check my phone during the day . And the text says . . . . . already got awardno need to comeI 'm not gonna lie . . . . . . . . . . I was doing the happy dance . So Cameron and I went shopping . About 2 : 00 , Will calls Cameron and says , " Are you here ? " Meaning at the ceremony ? Cameron says , " No , you told us we didn 't have to be ' cause you already got your awards ! " I hear this and feel guilty . . . like I got caught skipping . He said his teacher had given him his awards that morning , but then they pulled him out of class to get to the auditorium . Oh , well . . . . . . . It 's probably just as well I didn 't attend the ceremony because I was sick just hearing about all the kids who received college scholarships . Not this family . . . we like to pay for it all ourself ! Please , don 't give us any money . . . . we wouldn 't know what to do with it . Really . Not that I 'm not very thrilled for the kids who got them . . . . . but what the H is wrong with us ? After the ceremony was over , Will met us for a late lunch and showed us his medals . . . . and certificates . . . . all for photography . Eating lunch at LaMadelaine with 2 of my children was the best award ceremony I have ever attended . Dear Will , If you only knew how much thought I gave to attending my last kid 's award ceremony and how hard it was to ask for a half a day off . . . . and if you only knew how much I was dreading the ceremony , that I had to really work at getting my head and act together for it . . . . if you only knewPosted by We received a letter last week that our senior would be receiving an award at the Awards Ceremony on Tuesday , May 19 . At . 1 : 00 . In . The . Afternoon . Do any of you remember what a hard time I have taking time off from the State Prison . . . . I mean the school ? What 's up with 1 : 00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday ? It 's like " Hey Parents , You 're Invited ! But we had a meeting and decided the most inconvenient time would be 1 : 00 pm on a Tuesday afternoon . Good luck getting here . We don 't really want you here . " So I talked to my senior about it . . . . . . . . did he know what the award was ? ( I knew it wasn 't honor roll or perfect attendance . . . ) Did he want me there ? ( he didn 't care ) Was he sure ? ' Cause I didn 't want to embarrass him but he was my last kid and I sure did want to be there . So I 'm going . And today I filled out the paperwork , took 3 walks down to the office , had 2 people approve it and got a sub . Whew . That consumed some time . Will is getting an award for photography . Something he loves but didn 't know he loved until 10th grade when he took Photo I . He has had the same teacher for Photo I , II , and III . She has had a huge impact on him . . . . . more than she will ever know . He admires her so much and I think it is mutual . I am so grateful for her . Thank you , Mrs . Fox . . . . . . for being a teacher . For teaching high school . And for instilling a love of photography in Will . Tomorrow I will watch Will walk across the stage and enjoy 15 seconds of fame . And it will be the last award ceremony for me . I can 't say I 'm sad to not have to sit through another long award ceremony ever again . . . . . but I am starting to feel a little burning in my throat . The burning that starts when you are trying to fight back the tears . How do you explain how long days make up years that fly by ? Kid Report : Today in P . E . , we went outside to do some activities in stations . One station was hula hoops . A precious girl was just sitting in the grass with the hula hoop on the ground with her . Me : Get up G . . . . . . you have to try . Her : But I already tried all my try 's . Then IJulia It 's Saturday morning . . . . . but I am just now taking photos for the Tour of Homes hosted by Kelly . This week is Living Rooms . I had to do a little straightening and such . . . . and it wasn 't going to happen on a Friday after work . Love the kids , but they wear me out . I am going to take you around the room in photos . Hope no one gets dizzy . Facing the black box that was Chuck 's 50th birthday present a couple of years ago . I agreed to having it hung over the fireplace as it makes furniture arranging so much easier . The cabinet to the left of the fireplace houses all the electronics . The vases on the mantel are Target . . . . from the import collection . This fireplace opens on the other side to the kitchen . We watch peoples ' legs go by in that screen . This chair and pillow represent my favorite colors . In fact , that pillow is made from my dream rug . But I have to wait until the nursing home for that rug because I will always have dogs and my dogs love to potty on rugs . They are house broken . . . . but lay a rug down . . . . and they christen it with their golden rain . I have no rugs . This is the back wall of the living room with 3 large windows . This curtain rod came out of the wall after Hurrican Ike . . . . I guess because we closed the curtains and then reopened them ? The curtains used to hang at the wood blind level . . . . where the arches began . Anyway , I had to move the rod up to the top of the ceiling and add length to the curtain . I actually like them better now . That cloud had a silver lining . This wall color is Sherwin Williams Camelback . Great warm khaki color . Works well with reds and greens . . . . . and my brick . This table was purchased when The Great Indoors was closing . It 's from Indonesia and was dirt cheap . I painted the top black and Chuck made a shelf for the bottom . . . . to lay across 2 bars that were already there . I put an antique copper window box in the bottom for magazines . If you click on the photo to enlarge it , you will see the verdi gris patina on the copper . This box used to be outside but one day while staring at it , I decided it was meant to be an inside box . So I repotted the plants elsewhere , dumped the dirt , gave it a bath and brought it in . Sofa at an angle . Drives my engineer husband nuts . But if he waits a few weeks , I will rearrange again . The green cabinet behind the sofa was a junk piece left in a neighbor 's garage when they moved into their house . She was going to throw it away . I rescued it and painted it green and distressed it . This piece has been in every room . . . . . very versatile . Great storage . This round table was given to me from my sister who had gotten it from her inlaws . It was a kitchen table . They had glass cut for it and that makes it so liveable . I have probably had 10 different table cloths and toppers on this thing in 23 years . I place photos under the glass . . . . . . one of my favorite places in the whole room . Target lamp . I decorated on a dime way before there was a show on HGTV called that . I married a hard working boy who has never understood my addiction to pretty , shiny things . So I have learned to find those things at Target , Walmart , TJ Maxx and Marshall 's . It can be done . My dream rug . . . . . . . . . I will settle for the pillow for now . As I said before , if you were to ask me what my favorite color was . . . . . . I would say colors . . . . with an s . And I would point to this pillow . Thanks for stopping by . If you have way more time on your hands than you know what to do with ( hahaha ) go to Kelly 's and look through a couple of hundred more living rooms . Happy Mother 's Day to all of you mamas out there . Posted by Today , while monitoring the crowds in and out of the boys bathroom . . . . . . . Boy One : Mrs . H , he said a bad word . Boy Two : No , I didn 't . Boy One : Yes he DID . Me : Well , what did he say ? ( I always ask . . . because sometimes a bad word isn 't always a real bad one . ) Boy One : He said bullsh * t . ( oh , that 's a bad one . ) Boy Two : No , I didn 't . Me : Well , what did you say ? Boy Two : I said " Please be quiet . " Oh , yeah . . . . . . I 'm buying that . . . . . . . Basically , we dropped it after I told Boy Two to please not talk ugly at our school . But I can tell you that I believe Boy One . No kindergarten boy would ever say " Please be quiet . " At least not in the bathroom . As I was walking through a classroom today , a certain little boy was sitting sideways in his chair in the Writing Center just staring off into space . I noticed him , went about my business but walked back by him several minutes later . . . . . still sitting sideways , still staring off . Nothing in front of him , nothing in hand . Me : What should you be doing right now ? Him : Uh . . . . . . . . Me : You 're in the Writing Center . Shouldn 't you be writing ? Him : Well , I was trying to think . . . . . . . . . . but then I lost my thinking . And later , while being read to by a little girl . . . . . . . . she pronounced the word caterpillar . . . . . . . Calapitter . . . . all through the book and I didn 't stop her . It was just too cute . I should be getting ready to shepherd the first graders in Sunday School this morning , but I 've been reading blogs . I came across this funny quote from Dave Barry on Kari and Kijsa 's blog . . . . . . http : / / kariandkijsa . blogspot . com / . The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for , say , the next six thousand years , to even things up . The trouble is that men , over the years , have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do , so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now . They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda , but they 'd never clean anything . ~ Dave BarryI would like to add child - rearing to that . Chuck is a wonderful provider . . . . . . but there were days . . . . . still are . . . . . that I still have to go back to Training 101 when it comes to chores and children . And even though my baby is 18 we still have conversations like this . . . . Me : Where 's Will ? Him : He went to a friend 's house . Me : What friend ? Him : uh , I 'm not sure . I think it was a girl . Me : Would you please remember to get a name ? ? ? ( I have said this a million times . ) Or . . . . Me : Would you please load the dishwasher ? ( While I 'm doing another chore or two around here . . . ) Him : Sure . Later . . . . . dishwasher loaded . But counters and sink filthy . Do his eyes not see what I see ? Do I have to literally ask for him to wipe the counters , too ? Yes , I do . Love him anyway . Another thought . . . . . different subject : The Swine Flu Pandemic has caused one of our local schools to close for 2 weeks . I have not gotten on the Panic Bus about this . . . . at all . But yesterday , I was in my favorite hangout . . . TJMaxx . . . . and a little girl about 4 with skin the color of coffee with cream . . . . and a Mama who spoke Spanish to her . . . . . . . started coughing right next to me in the tiny shoe aisle . . . . in other words , she was coughing on me . . . . No mouth coverage . No place really for those germs to go but on me . And they are telling us to wash your hands alot and not toPosted by If you read blogs like I read blogs , you surely know all about Harper and her sweet mama , Kelly . . . . . . . . Harper was born with a serious lung condition and through the power of prayer and God 's healing with the help of his amazing servants . . . the doctors and nurses . . . she is now a healthy , happy baby girl . The blog world followed Harper 's progress as she got better and better and now I feel like she is the baby across the street . Kelly is hosting a tour of homes . . . . room by room . . . . every Friday , called Show Us Where You Live Friday . Today is the kitchen edition . I could have gone in and taken some photos of my kitchen today . . . . but it would mean some cleaning , and cleaning would mean I would have to get up and get busy . . . . and busy would mean distracted and who knows when I would get back in here . . . . so I am pulling up some pictures I already have . From the back door , looking to the left of my kitchen . We painted and distressed the island and replaced the original island tile counter top with granite . The desk was white , but we added some molding , a leg ( on the right ) and painted it black to make it look like a separate piece of furniture . I covered foam core board with a black & white toile fabric and pushed it to the back of the upper cabinets . . . . of course , not much shows , but it lightened up the back of the shelves . The tv is in this cabinet and the doors are rarely closed , so it 's nice to see a peak of the toile . I found the 3 tiered wall file at TJ Maxx . One file for each kid . . . . if they can 't find it . . . . it 's probably in their file . We put in a brick paver backsplash replacing the old 2 x 2 white tiles that were here when we bought the house . This cute metal wall hanging was a gift from my good friend Karen . It couldn 't be more perfect . I loathe ( if that means more than hate ) my kitchen sink . . . . . . see that shallow little sink right in the middle ? We tend to wash and rinse everything right there in the middle . I have never left the sink with a dry shirt as water sprays and pours over the edge . You would think we would leaPosted by
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It is official ! My Mukor 's company finally got funding to begin making a video game . Woo - hoo ! After a year and a half of no salary , he and his fellow partners can spike the football ! They did it ! ! The amazing part is that they did it during a time when the economy is through the floor . Video games are actually doing well during this recession , but that didn 't mean publishers were willing to hand over money to new , unproven developers . But , the truth is , the talent at this company can not be denied , and many publishers took notice . So , CONGRATULATIONS to The Workshop for taking the risk , working bloody hard , and making their dreams a reality . I can 't wait to blog about the release of their first game ! ! The title of this blog comes from the SNL skit " Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy " : " One thing kids like is to be tricked . For instance , I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand , but instead I drove him to an old burned - out warehouse . " Oh , no , " I said , " DisneyLand burned down . " He cried and cried , but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke . I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand , but it was getting pretty late . " Man alive , that 's funny ! However , today we had our own Disneyland burned down moment , of sorts . We have lived in southern California for the entirety of the children 's lives , and we have not been to Disneyland the past year ( or is it " passed " year . . . hmm . . . oh bother ) . Considering our location , our children 's ages , and our propensity for play , this gap is EGREGIOUS ! About a month ago , LittleMan and BoopaLoop wanted to have a ditch day from school . I allow one ditch day per year until Middle School when I might upgrade it to once a semester . I told the children that I was okay with them ditching school that day , but that meant that we wouldn 't be able to go to Disneyland in February . The kids ' changed their minds . The countdown to Disneyland began . One month until Disneyland ! Three weeks until Disneyland ! . . . and so the countdown continued until today . We were to go to Disneyland today . It was a Tuesday ( the perfect day to go to a tourist - heavy location - a theory I will explain in a later blog ) , and My Mukor was able to take the day off . Perfect ! Tuesday , February 24th arrived . . . and BoopaLoop has a fever ! Oh , the sky has fallen ! Dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria ! ! Needless to say , LittleMan handled it quite maturely . He only pouted about it for a few minutes and composed a song about the horror that is school . It was quite lovely . BoopaLoop handled it appropriately . She cried and got lots of snuggles from Mommy . We have decided to postpone our Disneyland trip until next week . The forecast for next Tuesday 's weather is likelihood of showers ? 80 % . Nice . LittleMan and I were on our way to pick up BoopaLoop from pre - school on Friday when LittleMan made this announcement . LittleMan - I don 't want to get married . Me - Well . . . that 's a good thing since you are too young to be married . You 're only 6 . LittleMan - [ Exasperated ] Nooo , mom . I mean even when I get old and grow 'd up . I don 't want to be married . Me - [ Not that concerned about his announcement , but I was curious ] Oh . Why ? LittleMan - I don 't want to yell at someone all the time . Me - [ ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ] Uh . . . [ ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ] Do you think Mommy and Daddy yell all the time ? LittleMan - [ Distracted ] Yeah . . . Me - Really ? ! [ ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? ] LittleMan - [ Returning his focus to me ] Uh . . . [ thinking about it ] well , my friend Andrew said that he didn 't want to get married since his parents yell all the time . Me - [ Oh boy ! ] Well , you have heard Mommy and Daddy argue before , right ? LittleMan - Yeah . Me - But we always say we are sorry and that we love each other afterwards , right ? LittleMan - [ Grinning ] Yeah . Me - [ Grinning back ] Well , when people who love each other live together arguing is part of it , but you learn how to argue to not hurt each other but to talk about your differences . LittleMan - [ Getting bored ] Yeah . . . I definitely lost him at this point in the conversation , but it got me thinking about My Mukor and I . Yes , we argue , kiss , laugh , play and all other manner of things in front of the kids , but I was paranoid that we were showing too much disagreement in front of them . I couldn 't imagine that we were , but I felt like we were on notice . The other question is do I tell Andrew 's mom what LittleMan said ? If it were reversed , would I want to know ? I 'd like to think that the answer to question two is a resounding YES , but . . . Should I tell her ? Oh , by the way , I just now asked LittleMan again about marriage : Me - Do you still feel like Mommy and Daddy yell all the time ? LittleMan - Yeah . Me - [ WOW - this is brutal ] When was the last time you heard us yell ? LittleMan - It was a while ago , but I still don 't want to get married . Me - When Mommy and Posted by Every so often , I like to update my friends and family on what happened after I blogged about something . So , here are five previous blogs I did that I 'd like to update you all on . Birthdays And Such ( 10 / 13 / 2008 ) : I was at this time visiting with AllThingsBD 's family when I turned the ripe old age of 37 . ( I 'm 37 right ? . . . 1971 - 2009 . . . uh . . . not yet October , so yeah 37 ! ) I had mentioned in this blog entry how I have a tendency to forget gift cards sitting in my purse . Well , I 'm happy to say that I joyfully used the iTunes and Starbucks gift cards immediately ! However , I still have my $ 100 gift card to Bed , Bath and Beyond sitting in my purse . I know ! I 'm working on it . . . Imaginary Play ( 10 / 21 / 2008 ) : This blog was an example of the kind of imaginary play my children engage in with myself and My Mukor . And now , 4 months later , we are reaping the costs of it . BoopaLoop is all about being silly during pretend play . She will turn anything into silliness . This , of course , has prompted the following mantra from me , " There is a time to be silly and a time to be serious . Right now , I need you to be serious . " Of Not - So - Sound Mind ( 11 / 03 / 2008 ) : I remember this blog like it was yesterday . I believe all moms experience this guilt - I have infected the world with my or my children 's illness , and God will punish me ! ! Fortunately for me , I didn 't infect any of the ladies or their children at this playdate . In fact , I don 't remember infecting my family - and THAT is quite a feat . But still the battle between keeping your children at home and letting them play with others when showing signs of illness is still being waged . I will still judge you if you get my children sick , though . Just Let It Go ( 11 / 04 / 2008 ) : Ah . . . the obsession with my children 's schooling - yes , I remember those days . I 'm not worried about it much anymore , and I believe that has everything to do with the fact that LittleMan is well into his 2nd Kindergarten year . I think I was still stressing about my decision to repeat him in Kindergarten that got me all worked up oPosted by I 'm amazed at the power of blog dumping . I couldn 't get The Carpenter 's song " Rainy Days and Mondays " out of my head , and for some reason posting the video on yesterday 's blog purged the song from my mind . Of course mentioning it again here might cause the music loop to restart , but let me go on as if that 's not going to happen . Thanks to this odyssey into " Purgeville " yesterday , I was unable to stay focused on the topic at hand : running in the rain . In fact , I don 't think I even mentioned running until the end of the blog . So , before I ramble on about thoughts in my head that have nothing to do with running in the rain , without further adieu I bring you today 's blog . ( Geez , what a bunch of babble already . It is like I swallowed a philosophy book or something . ) I try to run with my dog at least 4 times a week . . . or 3 times if I need a sleep - in day . . . or 2 times if one of my kids has a rough night . . . or one time if I decide to do some housework . It is all about my priorities . This week my priority is exercise ( unless one of the other conditions listed above changes the aforementioned priority ) . I was convinced that I would open the door to a downpour outside . The weather report had mentioned that we were in for 3 rain storms coming our way - back to back . The first two storms were fairly uneventful . We had some wind , we had some rain , and we had a little bit of hail . There were moments that the rain was so intense it reminded me of Texas weather . However , when I opened the door outside to go running yesterday , the ground was wet , but the sky was mostly clear . Sure there were a few grayish clouds in the sky , but they were small and moving overhead quickly . I grabbed the dog , hooked on his leash , and outside we went ! The first 5 minutes of the walk are always the same . If you are a dog owner , you know that there are certain spots in your neighborhood your dog MUST STOP and sniff or apparently the world will collapse . There is a lot of leash pulling by me during this time . After we 've walked a little and warmed our muscles up , Posted by The ending word to this Carpenters title is . . . " down " . But I would have to disagree . At least today . However , I have that song in my head now , so I will torture you with it as well for a moment . And now the title looks dumb since today isn 't Monday . I just realized that . Oh well . I once saw an interview with Olivia Newton - John ( one of my other childhood idols ) where she mentioned that Karen Carpenter had perfect pitch . Can you imagine singing any song you want and being able to hit each note perfectly ? I never knew that about Karen , and I never appreciated the ability to hit a note perfectly until I started playing Rock Band . . . . And mention of Olivia Newton - John has caused me to post one of my favorite songs by her . Huh . . . and now after hearing her sing " Magic " live , I can see why she would appreciate the ability to sing pitch perfect . No offense , Olivia . This wasn 't what I wanted to blog about . But , I 'll save my experience jogging with my puppy Travis ( who turned 8 on the 10th ) in the downpour for tomorrow . MamaDB tagged me on Facebook for this adventure into all things NAME , so I decided to share it with you all rather than 40 close friends and 4 MILLION of my not - so - close friends on Facebook . Don 't you feel lucky ? And , I would like to point out , that I 'm actually doing this rather than saying that I 'll do it and then . . . NOT . Ahem . YOUR REAL NAMETiffany Ann TolmanWITNESS PROTECTION NAME ( mother and father 's middle names ) Jane StanleyNASCAR NAME ( first name of your mother 's dad , father 's dad , add " Jr " to the end ) William No Idea Jr . ( sad to admit that I don 't know my Grandfather 's name ) STAR WARS NAME ( the first 3 letters of your last name , first 2 letters of your first name ) ToltiSPY NAME ( favorite color , favorite animal ) Sky Blue EagleSOAP OPERA NAME ( middle name , town where you were born ) Ann WilliamsportSUPERHERO NAME ( 2nd fav color , fav drink , add " THE " to the beginning ) The Yellow Diet PepsiFLY NAME ( first 2 letters of 1st name , last 2 letters of your last name ) TianSTREET NAME ( fav ice cream flavor , fav cookie ) Butter Pecan Chocolate ChipSKANK NAME ( 1st pet 's name , street you grew up on ) Patches Calle MaranaGANGSTA NAME ( first 3 letters of first name plus ' izzle ' ) TifizzleGOTH NAME ( Black , and the name of one of your pets ) Black TravisSTRIPPER NAME ( first pet and name of car you drive ) Patches OdysseyHIPPY NAME ( name of your fav perfume / cologne , fav candy ) Inis SkorMAFIA NAME ( Dad 's first name , animal that scares you , add " da " in between the two ) Tom da HornetNATIVE AMERICAN NAME ( adjective that describes you , problem body part , add " Chief " to the beginning ) Chief Bouncy ThighsSAINT NAME ( Start with " Saint " , Grandma 's first name , fav alcohol ) St . Jane ChampagneEASTERN EUROPEAN HOCKEY PLAYER NAME ( Your first name , middle name adding " ski " to the end ) Tiffany AnnskiWell , most of my answers stink , but it was fun trying to remember this stuff . Now , all you have to do is call my acccountant , and you 'll have all the information you ever need to access my personal files . Yeah right . . . I have been struggling to keep the house livable ( forget hospitable ) ever since we decided to save money by doing without a housekeeper . That was back in November 2008 . I am still mourning the loss . As you know from earlier blogs , I am not a housekeeping guru . In fact , calling me a " homemaker " might be a stretch , but thanks to MamaDB and her infinite wisdom , we have come up with a plan that helps keep our heads above the chaos the children bring - and helps me retain my " Homemaker " status . We trade off cleaning each other 's house . I 'm not talking about her coming over to my house while I go to the spa or anything like that . Every Thursday , we clean her house or my house , and then the following Thursday we swap . And what does the visiting helper receive as thanks ( aside from getting the same treatment at their own home the following week ) ? A home cooked meal for both families ! It is the best system . I actually look forward to Thursdays . I look forward to cleaning ! CLEANING ! ! It is amazing what I 'm willing to tackle when I have friend to complain , joke and chat with . For me , the best part is that there is no set plan as to what we will be cleaning . One time I arrived at her house to find that she needed help assembling a bedroom dresser . She came over at my house , and I put her to work reorganizing my medicine cabinet . It feels like I 'm doing my Spring cleaning in tiny doses spread out over time with a friend who makes the whole experience enjoyable ! And I don 't feel overwhelmed . I 'm surprised at how much I enjoy reorganizing and cleaning her house . I think it has a lot to do with whom I 'm cleaning with . MamaDB allows me to bully her into throwing stuff that needs to be tossed away , and we laugh at how clumsy we can be at times . And after a busy day of cleaning , I feel a huge sense of accomplishment . The only rule we have is that neither one of us want to see or touch the dirty underwear . Everything else is fair game . We begin at 10 AM and go until 12 : 30 PM at which point I leave to pick up my daughter from preschool . We thPosted by My Mukor is a huge fan of science fiction . We 've seen all of the good ones on television ( Battlestar Galactica ) and the bad ones ( Space Above and Beyond ) . I usually sneer and scoff at whatever show he is torturing me with , but every now and then a show will win me over . One such show is Supernatural . This show is geared towards teenage and college - aged girls . The lead actors are nice looking young men ( they are 15 years my junior ) , and they rescue the world from the ultimate evil : demons . One of the lead characters has a fondness for rock ' n ' roll music from the 70 's and 80 's . He drives an Impala , and his music blares whenever he and his brother ( the other lead actor ) are in the car . In a recent episode , they added an out - take to the end of the episode that had me laughing in delight . The brother who owns the car has been given the unnatural fear of EVERYTHING . He tries to battle the growing fears in this episode by staying in his car listening to his tunes . Well , instead of doing what the script asked for ( which was to lay down in the car ) , the actor decided to do some improvisation . Supernatural - Eye Of The Tiger On Wednesday , January 29th at 7 : 45 AM , I was driving through most of Los Angeles to get to a tennis match . Our tennis team tries to arrive at the home courts by 8 : 45 AM to warm up before the match . Usually , my trips are uneventful except for the usual road rage drivers and traffic jams . However , the morning of the 29th was chaos . There is a major freeway interchange that I and about 3 million of my closest friends in Los Angeles use to get to everywhere ELSE within the Los Angeles area - the 405 N / S and 10 E / W Interchange . As I was driving along , I tried to keep my eyes on the road and on the cars ahead of me - but that morning I noticed that there was some kind of temporary sign that was flashing information . I did NOT notice it in time to read any of the message , however , but I tried to be idiotically optimistic that the information wasn 't too important . Traffic was slow , as to be expected during commuter hours , so I moved over a lane . As I transitioned into the new lane , I realized I had just missed yet another temporary sign warning the world at large of something up ahead . In my defense , these signs were about as high up as my minivan cab , so I know that the cars in the lanes to my left had no idea there was even a sign erected must less able to read the information on it . So , I convinced myself that the information wasn 't that important or they would have made the signs bigger , right ? WRONG ! As I approached the off - ramp to the 10 East , I finally realized what all of the signs were saying - the 10 East was closed . Okay . . . that 's a problem . I was forced to take the 10 West , which was in the opposite direction I wanted to go in , but I figured I could just turn around at some point and head East . NOPE ! As I traveled on the 10 West , I saw that the CHP had diverted all East bound traffic on the 10 to the 405 ! Yikes , this was worse than I realized . I took the first exit off of the 10 West as I decided to take side streets to get where I needed to go . Unfortunately , everyone and their mother had this great idea and werPosted by Over the weekend , LittleMan decided to experiment with the scissors , glue and printer paper . Being a non - crafty - type mom myself , I did the best thing I could do for him - I got out of his way . After about 30 minutes of snipping and mumbling , I wandered into the dining room to see how Little Man was doing . Me - How 's it going ? LittleMan - Good ! BoopaLoop - Good ! [ She was in charge of glue . Fortunately , she actually got some glue on the paper . ] Me - Wow ! What are you guys making ? LittleMan - [ Trying to fold a piece of paper into eighths ] Letters . Mom , I want to mail these to the children that are starving in another country . Me - [ ? ! ? ! ? ! ] Uh . . . okay honey , but we have to find an address for those children . I know ! I 'm a dunderhead ! ! I was so perplexed by my kids ' behavior that I didn 't even congratulate them on being generous or for thinking of others . I was completely flummoxed . BoopaLoop - We put our coins in the paper . Me - You did ! Wow ! May I see ? I picked up one of the four " letters " that had been glued together ( that 's right GLUED ! ) , and I shook it . Sure enough , there was one or two coins rattling around inside . Me - Well , you know another way you can send money to kids that really need it ? Both kids stop what they are doing to look at me . Me - We can give your coins to a charity or to people who do nothing more than make certain your money gets to the children that really , really need it . The kids follow me to my computer . I look up charities on the American Institute of Philanthropy . My first thought was to donate to Compassion International , but I wanted to check on the charity watchdog site first to see which charities were well run . Compassion was given an A - , but there was another charity that expanded their support to more than just young children . At the Christian Foundation for Children and Aging , we could instead pick a teenager or elder person to sponsor , and they received an A + . However , the whole point of this was to have my children pick who they wanted to help , so they picked to sponsor a child . So , for $ 30 a Posted by In our infinite wisdom , My Mukor and I decided to go to a popular restaurant on a Saturday night in Los Angeles . For those of you unfamiliar with the craziness that is Los Angeles , on Friday and Saturday nights most popluar restaurants will have a wait time of 30 - 45 minutes before a table is available for 4 . There are some restaurants that have an even longer wait . Having lived in Los Angeles for some time , we have learned a few short cuts that shave five or ten minutes from the wait time . One of these short cuts is what we call the bail - and - park . The bail - and - park is where one adult dives out of the moving vehicle to put your party 's name on the restaurant waiting list while the other adult parks the car . I 'm usually the designated " bailer " while My Mukor is the " parker " . After I had given our name to the hostess of the restaurant , I took the fancy pager ( estimated wait time : 15 minutes ) and stood next to the bar to watch the local news playing on one of the huge televisions . Suddenly , I heard a voice behind me . . . Random Guy : Why , hello ! [ Touched my shoulder ] Me : Hi ! [ With exuberance ] This guy looked vaguely familiar , but I couldn 't place him . However , his greeting reminded me of how my former coworkers greeted me , so I figured it was someone from there . Instead of hugging this guy , as I would have almost any of my former coworkers , I tapped him on the chest with my hand . I don 't know why I did that . My only excuse is that it seemed like a fairly benign greeting assuming this was I guy I knew and just couldn 't immediately place . As it turns out , when the guy smiled after I tapped him on the chest , I really , honestly , and truly had NO IDEA who this guy was . Random Guy : [ About to give me a hug before seeing the look of " Who the heck are you ? " on my face , but he was still smiling ] Karen ? Me : [ Smiling back ] Nope . Random Guy : Are you . . . [ sure ? was what he was about to say - like I was a blind date who suddenly decided to play a cruel joke or something on him ] Me : [ Before the guy could embarrass himself further by completing his Posted by About a week ago , I was getting ready to play in a doubles tennis match when two of the ladies declared their need to use the restroom before we played . This is a fairly common occurance before matches ; however , I refuse to engage in this ritual . I am not a lemming , darn it ! Anyway , while myself and the other lady were waiting for the other two to return , we heard a man shouting . I couldn 't tell where the shouting was coming from , but my first guess was that someone was experiencing EXTREME road rage . As the shouting continued , I rolled my eyes more and more convinced that this person was just venting . I walked over to the water fountain to fill up my water cup when my heart dropped at the sounds that immediately followed the shouting . It was the sound of leather or flesh pounding on flesh , and after each whack came a terrifying " YELP ! " There were about 6 or 7 of these whacks , and each YELP got more shrill and terrifying . I asked to borrow the other lady 's cell phone , so I could call 911 . The operator greeted me , and I explained that I was reporting a potential domestic abuse . No , I have no idea where the incident happened . No , I can 't see anything . No , I don 't know if the victim was a person or an animal . I felt impotent . As I am typing this , I can remember the feeling of my heart dropping into my stomach . Dread . Anger . Helplessness . These are not pleasant feelings . There was nothing more I could do . When the other two ladies returned , we began our match . We were about 1 / 2 way through the 4th game , when we noticed the LAPD helicopter circling above our heads . This is the officer they sent ? I couldn 't tell for certain if this helicopter was there because of my call or not , so I decided to err on the side of helpfulness . I stuck both of my arms out in front of me , I bent over at my waist , and I kicked out one of my legs behind me to point the helicopter in the direction I heard the YELPS come from . I doubt this was helpful , but we all got a good laugh out of my charades . The helicopter circled above us a few more times befoPosted by Creator of Pick Up Palz and co - creator of two beautiful children : LittleMan ( 2002 ) and BoopaLoop ( 2004 ) . I have been married to my Mukor since 1995 . I recently started a new business which is why my blog has a 1 year gap in it . You can check out my other blog at PickUpPalz . blogspot . com .
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We had the pleasure of having Steve 's cousin Kathy and her husband David spend Christmas with us . it was a really wonderful visit ! We spent one day on the beach in Montanita , which we had previously avoided like the plague . But , on a weekday , it 's really not too bad . The gringo quotient was at a minimum , and the beach was empty enough to enjoy it . The water was a lovely temperature and the sandy beach was so nice ! BG threw sand around , tried to bury Steve , and giggle insanely when the waves would splash against us . The next day we walked about half an hour past my site ( about 2km from the village ) and were regaled with the calls of a troupe of howler monkeys . How cool is that ? It was a great little hike , even though BG didn 't want to be in the kid carrier and insisted that Mommy carry her for the whole hike . I was quite sore afterward , but it was worth it ! On Wednesday we set out to spend Christmas in Cuenca ! BG did great on the bus rides ( 3 hrs and 5hrs ) and only threw up a little bit on the first ride , so it was not nearly as traumatic as it could have been . The bus ride up and over the mountains to Cuenca was absolutely stunning ! It went from lush tropical mountain sides , to an environment quite reminiscent of where we lived in Wales . Beautiful ! On Christmas Eve day , Cuenca hosts the elaborate Pasado del Nino , a parade incorporating nativity scenes , reenactments of moments of Jesus ' life , people decked out in their finest indigenous dress , and displaying the bounty of their year . It started around 10am and continued until 5pm , a constant stream of people . One of the best things is that the parade route ran just a block from our hotel , so we could go out and check it out , and then pop back for BG 's nap , etc . , and still see most of it ! Cuenca is an absolutely beautiful city , and I highly recommend visiting it if you get the chance . Unlike Guayaquil , or even Quito , the urban sprawl and slums are somewhat minimal , so the overall impression is of a clean and prosperous city . This isn 't to say that poverty doesn 't existPosted by We kind of wrapped up excavations last Friday ( at least until the rainy season is over - not that it 's started yet ) . We also had our first casualty . I thought Marshalltowns were better than this ! Looks like we might have a river cobble house floor , so I really want to get a few more weeks of digging in , maybe in March ? I went to a wedding ( almost two weeks ago now ! ) for one of my occasional workers . He and his wife had been legally married by the State for at least ten years ( I think ) , but were being remarried by the Catholic church so that their daughter could take part in First Communion . I showed up at the church for the ceremony as our family representative , and a good thing that I was feeling up to it ! Alfredo , my worker , was short his best man / godfather , who , as mayor of Santa Elena Province , was stuck in the capital town meeting with Rafael Correa , the country 's president . So I guess one gringa equals an alcalde ? Left to Right : Alfredo , Me , Cecilia , and OttoThe party afterward was a blast , especially since I actually know people now . I actually had fun dancing , even to the cumbia ! Otto , the intended godfather , arrived sometime around 1am . I stayed as long as I could ( about 2 : 30am ) but had to leave so I could wake up to get the house in order for our guests who were coming the next day . . . . because sometimes I get a little time for that . Last weekend I went on a hike with some international students from UEES . I took them out to the site and let them dig around a bit , and then we went hiking up to the natural pools that the river carved out of rock . Here 's the path right before we dropped down to the pools . Isn 't it pretty ? As Baby Girl succumbs to yet another illness - this time fever , green snot , and the runs - it 's interesting ( and frustrating ) to reflect on the way that viruses and sickness is perceived here . Apparently , the concept of a virus that spreads from person to person through contact doesn 't exist to these people . Instead , one falls sick because of cambio de clima ( weather change ) or mal de ojo ( sort of an imbalance of the humors , which can be caused intentionally or unintentionally by really negative or positive energy directed at a person ; a . k . a . the evil eye . A reasonable description of the phenomenon can be found here ) . What this means for us , in a practical sense , is that no one sees any reason to keep their sick kids home from daycare , because illness can 't be passed on . Instead they send them on in so that they can infect all the ( temporarily ) healthy children that are there . Every day that I drop BG off I cringe at the multitude of green snot faces that greet us at the door . So it seems that BG gets a week of good health , followed by a week of not - so - good health . Mostly we 've been lucky and the bad weeks are just the sniffles . Sometimes it 's worse . Being that she is La Gringita , everyone constantly wants to touch her . And if you say " don 't touch , she 's sick " ( which I 've started doing with increasing frequency and diminishing tact , to avoid them passing something on to her and actually making her sick ) they stroke her and murmur " poor thing " while suggesting that she 's afflicted by one of the ailments . BUT YOU ' RE STILL TOUCHING HER AND MAKING HER SICK ! ! ! ! I just hope that all this sickness means that once we get back home she 'll have an immunity level somewhere in the stratosphere and stay relatively healthy even while those around her succumb to the seasonal ailments that go around every year . Here 's hoping . Yes , folks , that 's right . Shortly after the 2 year mark , BG has made the transition to a real bed ! And not because we 're having another and need to free up the crib for that one : PThese six months that we 've been in Ecuador ( SIX months , can you believe it ? ! ? ! ) she 's been sleeping in a PeaPod Plus . It 's worked great for us because it 's compact enough to travel with . Like , actually compact . Not compact like they say a Pack - and - Play is but then it still takes up half the boot of your car . We can fold it up and strap it to a backpack and off we go ! Also , since it 's basically just a personal tent for a baby , it has screening , and thus mosquito netting , built right in . However , since she 's been using it continuously for six months , it 's begun to develop a bit of a funk . And since it 's a whole integrated thing , it 's a little hard to clean properly . With BG getting sick frequently , and coughing often in her sleep , Steve thought maybe the tent wasn 't the best sleeping environment for her anymore . Since there 's an unused twin bed laying around the house , we decided to move that down next to ours and give the whole " big girl bed " thing a whirl . And let me tell you , I am so lucky to have such a flexible and easy going daughter ( this year here would probably not be possible if she wasn 't ) . She moaned a little the first night , but since then has slept as well as she did in her tent . The fact that the mosquito netting is wrapped under the mattress probably helps keep her from getting up for a wander in the middle of the night , which I am definitely cool with ! It 's so sweet to see her asleep in it , though , since at most she takes up a quarter of the whole space . Just another sign that our little girl is growing up ! Wow , I 've neglected this blog for far too long ! It 's been quite a busy month and a half , filled with visits from the in - laws , rubbernecking with politicians , stomach viruses , and dissertation related paranoia . We met Steve 's parents when their flight arrived in Guayaquil on November 1 . We came right back out to Dos Mangas to celebrate Dia de los Santos . I wish I had a photograph of the crowds in the bus station who were traveling for the holiday . It was an absolute madhouse , with people stacked back to back . I think I really impressed Dad / Gene by the way I was able to get us right up to the ticket counter . We spent a lovely day on the 2nd walking through Dos Mangas and stopping at friends houses and getting food foisted upon us . To celebrate the day of the dead , families prepare tons of foods , particularly the favorites of those who have passed , and lay it all out on a table . Then , while the family goes off to visit the grave site , the dead come and " eat " their food . Then the family comes back and people start circulating from house to house , eating up all the goodies . We got to try a few new delicacies that day ! We also wandered down to the futbol field ( soccer , for most of you ) and watched a pretty good game in which Dos Mangas tied 4 - 4 with the near - by town of Olon . One of the tables , all laid out . That was pretty much the end of our adventures while Steve 's parents were visiting . Mom / Norma picked up a bug while they were in Miami and then passed it on to Dad and eventually Baby Girl and me ( though I definitely got a mild version of it ) . Mom and Dad spent a lot of time resting and bonding with their granddaughter . It was so great to see how much she loves her Oma and Opa . We even got to celebrate her 2nd birthday together , albeit a few days early . Yes , that 's right folks , my Baby Girl is now 2 years old ! I may have to start referring to her as Big Girl , but BG will still work . The tantrums have also started , but so has all the extra fun ! On the 14th , Dos Mangas inaugurated a new Interpretation Center for the touristPosted by Each day as I hike to and from the site I follow the main road that is criss - crossed by the meandering river . Each day I watch the incremental changes as once isolated puddles start to meld together and once dry crossings become muddy and the outright wet . The past few weeks we 've had near constant rain , and the river that was once confined to a few low areas up the valley is now running across the road in and out of town . Dos Mangas ( two sleves / arms ) is so named because it 's located where the rivers Culebra and Colin join to form the larger Manglaralto river . Though now a seasonal river , some of the older residents have told me that as recently as 50 years ago the river was permanent , an deep enough that comuneros would sail rafts laden with paja ( a plant fiber used for roofing and the famous " Panama " hats ) down to the coast . Bundles of cut paja . As the river rises , and my hike to the site become a slog through calf - deep mud , I watch the river with excitement and trepidation . Excitement to see what the valley looked like in it 's recent history , when it was lusher and wetter . To be able to catch crayfish out of the river and eat ripening fruit right from the forest . Excitement especially to imagine what it would have been like for the people who populated my site and lived along the Rio Culebra . Trepidation because the only way in and out of the village is across the river . There is no bridge . When the water gets too deep you 're basically stuck . Trepidation because in previous years the river , when it runs , comes all at once , and has taken houses with it . The river road , in the dry season . They say that there 'll likely be an El Nino event this year . With the way it 's been raining ( unseasonably heavy , according to my workers ) I wouldn 't be surprised . So while we were out of the country more drama ensued ( see my previous entry here ) . The community , with the help of the Ministry of Tourism , had some lovely signs made that were posted at the trail heads to the waterfalls and natural pools that they take tourists to . Well , the resident malos came by with machetes and destroyed the signs . That prompted the community to vote , in the absence of any official decision from the provincial government , to declare Bonnie and Clyde persona non grata within the community . When we got back to Dos Mangas we drove under a banner hung at the entrance to the community saying as much . Last week the police accompanied B & C to move their stuff out of their houses , but lo an behold , discovered an illegal arsenal which could out gun the local police force , as well as all kinds of black market or smuggled machinery , motorcycles , etc . and that was only what was at two of their three houses , not to mention what could be hidden out on their land . It was big enough news to appear in the main coastal newspaper , El Universo . There 's all kinds of speculation within the community that they were smuggling the guns for FARC , and also that they were drug runners too , what with Montañita being right up the road . I 'm just extremely glad that the time I was up there filming with some comuneros that we had a bunch of armed police with us ! The two are now under house arrest and facing some serious jail time , which of course won 't be anything new for one of them . I either have the best or the worst luck . It seems like no matter where we put an excavation unit , or for what purpose , we keep ending up with skeletons ! We 're trying to dig a pit through to sterile ( non - cultural ) soil to document the time periods of the site . All I want is pottery to match up to some other sites . So of course we find another burial . The very edge of it skims the unit that we 're working in , but of course it 's the edge that contains an entire ( though fractured ) vessel , which is now sticking out of the wall . Previous experience has told me that things like that left in the wall of an excavation unit won 't stay there for long , so we 're having to open an adjacent unit to do this thing right and get that person out of there . I spent the first four days back at work with my guys mapping the site . This had been postponed because when we first came to Ecuador , back in June , my telescoping level ended up left in a corner behind the front door when we went to the airport . Even though it was shipped via FedEx on June 10 , it has STILL not cleared customs here in Ecuador ! So , when we were home this time I bought a second one and didn 't let that sucker out of my sight ! So it took a long time , and it was tedious , but here are the fruits of our labor : Our visit back to the States was absolutely wonderful . We were so lucky to be able to get together with so many family and friends . First was my cousin Andrea 's wedding . She made for the most gorgeous bride , and her new husband Kyle is a great addition to the family . All of the cousins were together and we got some pretty nice pictures of everyone . Then , we were off to North Dakota to visit Steve 's grandmother . She had not yet met Baby Girl , and our visit ended up being kind of an early 95th birthday present . Steve 's parents were in ND as well , so we had a really nice visit . We returned to Wisconsin to spend some more time with my parents , and had a great ladies ' day out at the Zoo with my mom and aunts . We breezed through our university town , visited with advisors and drank with friends , and scanned a whole heck of a lot of books so that we 'd have PDFs with us in Ecuador . We got back to my parents on Thursday morning and then left for the airport 24 hours later - and we didn 't forget anything this time ! All the cousins together for the wedding . Baby Girl and Nana at the zoo . It was incredibly nice to be back , as much for the conveniences as for being around family . I 'm really hoping that our extended travels will be fewer and far between , and that maybe we can find our way to get jobs and settle down close to family . I can do the independent adventuring spirit thing just fine , but when it comes down to it I 'm happiest near my family . Home at last , even if it is just for two weeks ! It 's the little things , like being able to rinse your toothbrush in the water from the tap , or flush toilet paper instead of having to throw it in the bin . And having TV and fast internet . My parents are having a blast playing with Baby Girl , and I 'm enjoying just a short break from the toil of fieldwork . And today my husband and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary with a low - key day and some quality ice cream . Steve 's lost 20 lbs since we went to Ecuador , and I 've lost 10 . We 're going to try not to gain it all back while we 're home and partaking of all the yummy yummyness that there is here . Saturday my cousin Andrea gets married . Monday we fly to North Dakota to visit Steve 's grandma . The following Monday we try to catch up with old friends and advisors at school . It 's a break from the toil , but by no means a vacation . I just hope that I 'm still willing to return to Ecuador when it 's time to head back . So tempting to return to the easy life . . . . . . . dictates that on your last day of excavation before an extended break , when you decide to go ahead and excavate just one more level , you will invariably find something that either a ) completely changes your interpretation of the entire site , or b ) will be impossible for you to excavate completely and properly in the time left to you . Today was our last day of excavation for the next three weeks while the family and I return to the States for a visit . So of course we found another burial . This one seems to be largely intact and includes ribs and a pelvis ! Unfortunately , the legs and head are going into two other units which would have to be excavated before this guy can be removed . I 'm sure you can understand my hesitation about leaving any bones lying around the site , but it can 't be avoided . Hopefully our lids on the units will keep people away and this individual will still be waiting for my trowel when I get back ! This is the burial that we came across in one of our excavation units . Don 't know if it 's male or female because the pelvis is missing , and can 't estimate age because the skull with teeth weren 't intact . This poor person 's been through a lot though . The entire lower half of the body is missing ( possibly cut by a large pit that was dug later ) , and there was a lot of compaction and fracturing of the bones . All that remains is part of the skull , an arm and hand , and several fractured ribs . There is also an animal burrow that runs underneath the body , and in the wall of this burrow we found a femur and several finger or toe bones , which may belong to the same individual . Early Valdivia burial with shell inside the skull cavity ( upper left of photo ) . One interesting thing to note is the shell located inside the cranium ( or where the cranium would have been if not for the actions of our neighborhood looter ) . It 's impossible to know for sure , due to the damage done to the skull , but it 's possible that this shell was inserted into the individual 's mouth prior to burial . So , I think I am officially feuding with one of the families here in Dos Mangas . The mother totally ripped us of to prepare food for us , the daughter stole my cell phone , and the grandfather tried to forcibly yank a skull out of the ground where we are excavating ( all he managed to do was break it into a zillion pieces , which he left , and then grabbed some teeth ) . Seriously , what is it with these people ? ! ? ! ? ! I would be so happy if I never had to deal with any of them again , but in a village of 1000 people related in all kinds of ways , that 's not too likely . But if anyone else from this same family tries to pull any more stuff like this I 'm going to completely flip out on them ! So the last few weeks have found your intrepid adventurer embroiled in a bit of personal turmoil . If you will remember , I came here to carry out research on frontier identities of the late pre - Hispanic Manteño culture ( 800 - 1532 AD ) . Despite some tantalizing surface evidence of a reasonable sized Manteño occupation in this valley , most of our excavations turned up very little sub - surface evidence of this habitation . It 's been quite demoralizing because what seemed so clear back home - both in terms of excavation locations and research questions - became a lot less so when I got here . I suppose it 's to be expected , but it 's disheartening nonetheless . Salvation ( and possibly damnation ) came in the form of my field assistant , Luis , who was also my guide when I was here back in 2006 for the survey . My assistants were well aware of my increasing despondency and fear that I 'd never make a dissertation out of what we 'd been uncovering . He took me out to a field where we surveyed in 2006 , but the vegetation is much less dense this year . Quite visible on the surface now , but hidden then , was a quantity of artifacts to die for . I seriously wanted to weep , and not only because here , at last , could be the kind of reasonably contained site that would be great for a project , but also because few of the ceramics I turned over with my toe were Manteño . Most were from the preceding Guangala culture , but others pre - dated even that . I consulted the two most intellectually important women in my life - my current and former advisors - to ask their opinions of whether to pursue this new site . The answer was the same ; go where the artifacts are , the significance will become clear . Part of me doesn 't like that , because I worked long and hard to come up with a research question that would get funded ( the ultimate test , right ? ) , but also because I sincerely am deeply interested in both the Manteño period and processes of identity formation and negotiation . But , as work was wrapping up in a third unproductive locationPosted by So , I 'm realizing to my horror that it 's been nearly a month since I 've updated the blog . A lot has been happening , not the least of which was Baby Girl baptizing my computer with a cup of tea . Between taking it apart to mop up the tea and let everything dry , and then waiting until I could get to Libertad to buy a new keyboard ( the one casualty of the whole affair ) I lost nearly two weeks of computer usage . But , we 're up and running again , so all is well in the world . The community has been embroiled in a fairly interesting and lengthy political demonstration for the last few weeks to assert their control of community lands and access to different resources on community property . This has mainly consisted of blocking the main road going in and out of town , and setting up a 24 hour guard to monitor the traffic going in and out of town . It all started when someone who leases community lands decided that they 'd go and fence off the road that the community uses to take tourists to some very pretty cascading pools of water , effectively declaring both that portion of the road and the pools to be private property . These same leasees also waved guns at community members as they went along this road , for trespassing on their " property " . The community set up the blockade to prevent these people from moving freely to and from the land that they are leasing . As you might imagine , the police and local and provincial governments got involved in this dispute , which still does not have a resolution . The leasees claim that the community is trying to kick them off the land ( and there is some claim on their part that they bought this land , though that is impossible because the whole territory belongs to the community ) , while the community contends that the leasees are trying to develop tourism privately and thus deprive the community of an important source of revenue . You might be able to guess where my sympathies lie . I got invited along by community members on one of the inspections by the provincial government becaPosted by So let me start by saying that we are on week five without a fridge . That basically sums up where everything comes from . This has gone from annoying and inconvenient to dangerous to my daughter 's health . She 's lost a kilo ( for you non - metric people out there , about 2 pounds ) since we came here , and I attribute it directly to not being able to store any food in the house because we don 't have a fridge . No milk , yogurt , or cheese . No fruits or vegetables that you can 't eat in a day or two because if you don 't the flys or ants will get at it . No making food and keeping the left overs , lots of waste , etc . And to this date our landlord has only made a half hearted attempt to get it fixed despite my constant nagging , but then was surprised when he asked me for the rent today and I asked him for the fridge . And now he 's gone and left for Puerto Rico for a month , which leaves us where exactly ? Then comes along Porta ( the telecommunications company ) and their lousy website and even lousier customer service . We got a pre - pay internet thing for the house , which costs dearly , but we decided that for our research and our sanity , we need it . Well , the website messes up and ends up eating $ 17 of our dollars , but the online Porta people refuse to acknowledge any fault or refund our money , and our only recourse is to travel 2 hours each way to the nearest customer service center to file a complaint and try to get our money back , which seems like it wouldn 't happen anyway . Thanks so much ! Also , the supposed caretakers of this house when the landlord is gone ( the same ones that were ripping me off to cook for us ) stole my telephone and also the landlord 's camera and cash . There 's no proof , but they 're the only ones who had access . And so the question remains , why the hell is he allowing them to keep living in the house ( for free ) on his property instead of kicking them and their six bark - all - night dogs to the curb ? I 'm so ready to go postal on people that it 's not even funny . So I guess I 'm a little behind on updating about my project . We 're entering the fourth week of the project now , which I find really hard to believe . We started working at what we 've called the cistern , a depression on the top of a hill that was supposedly filled with water and used as part of a Manteno irrigation system . Now , after a few weeks of digging a trench into the side of the thing , I am pretty confident that it never held water , or at least never intentionally . It looks as if it was a natural depression that was dug out and used as a trash pit , possibly for a single event , like a feast . The analysis is on - going , of course , but we 're hauling bags of ceramics out of each level , and tons of big charcoal fragments for dating , and finding some cool things like copper bells and tweezers , spindle whorls , a human hand , and the first obsidian blade for the site . We also began some work at the platform mound by digging test pits every 5m in the surrounding area . Differences in soil types will tell us if there was any surface preparation ( possibly for a plaza ) and also give us a sense of the usage intensity across that space . So far the deposits are the same across 50 - 100m and give no indication of a prepared floor . Artifacts are few in number , but there do appear to be some hot spots . Once we wrap up things at the " cistern " ( which will be tomorrow if the powers - that - be cooperate ) , we 'll head down to the mound to finish test pitting and begin excavations of the mound itself . The " laboratory " ( my living room ) is quickly filling up with bags of artifacts that need to be washed , labeled , and photographed . Lab work is much trickier when you have a toddler who wants to look at all the pieces too . Hopefully we can work out some kind of storage solution within the next few days , or at least a way to cordon off that space . My helper ( aka Taylor ) leaves for home on Sunday , so I 'm trying to make the most of the time that we have ! Taylor holding the first piece of ceramic that she found at the site ! Things have been pretty crazy down here lately , and we 've spent a lot more time getting to know the staff at the hospital at Manglaralto than I 'm really happy with . Last week I went in because of a high fever and body aches , and people in the village were concerned about Dengue . The doctor who did the exam on Thursday gave an initial diagnosis of Dengue , but wanted me to come back on Friday when the lab was open . Taylor was with me and spoke with the doctor about the stomach problems she was having and was given some rehydration drink mix and sent home . We came back on Friday morning for my blood draw ( I will say , that was one of the best blood draws I 've ever had ) , but had to wait until the afternoon for the results , so since Baby Girl had been suffering from a cough and an on - and - off fever for about a week , we brought her in to be seen too . Generally good news all around , I don 't have Dengue ( just a virus ) and Baby Girl 's lungs were clear . They gave us an antibiotic for her since her throat was irritated and swollen , and some paracetemol for the fever . On Wednesday Taylor went back to the hospital by herself because of continuing stomach issues . The doctor that time wanted to do an HIV test , because of course a young , single gringa staying anywhere near Montanita must be doing drugs and having unprotected sex . Didn 't even want a fecal culture done . On Thursday Taylor started getting a rash around her hairline , and by Friday morning it was covering her entire body . We went in to the hospital , saw yet a different doctor , who gave her a cortisone injection and told her to start taking her Cipro for the stomach problems and keep taking Benadryl for the rash . She 's doing much better overall , but yesterday her lip started to swell randomly , which makes us wonder if she 's having a reaction to the Cipro . Around this time Baby Girl 's illness really started going into high gear . Her fever was basically constant and she became really lethargic and didn 't want to eat or drink anything , so we started giving her the antibiotic aPosted by We went to Agua Blanca this past weekend , where I used to work , to celebrate the solstice , Steve 's Birthday , and Father 's Day . It was really nice being able to see old friends and also to introduce the family to the place where I spent so much time . For the first time ever , the community arranged a huge solstice celebration this year on Saturday . They had a shaman come in who did a sweat lodge and ceremony the night before the solstice , with the idea of waking up an watching the sun rise up on the site at the building that aligns with the summer solstice . There was a guy there who does an outdoor / adventuring program who really seemed to be calling the shots in terms of staging the ceremony , and that was quite weird . The whole thing was very new agey and American Indian - esque , but people kept claiming that they were reviving practices that died out 500 years ago when the Spanish came . As an archaeologist , I was quite put out by that , and the fact that people were camping on top of the ruins . But the thing that bothered me the most was the fact that the community members seemed to be incidental to the whole thing . The sweat tent where the ceremony took place , and the sacred precinct outside of it . Don Isidro is adding more hot stones ( abuelos ) to the sauna inside . Your intrepid explorer , emerging from the tent after three rounds ( I couldn 't take the super heated sulphur water any more ) and being interviewed by one of the many camera crews that were swarming the ceremony . On Sunday we did the tour of the site and I think Taylor and Steve were impressed . It was also good for me to see it and remind myself how different the materials at Dos Mangas are . After touring the site we relaxed in the laguna , and Steve and Baby Girl had a ton of fun splashing around . I think it was the highlight of his Father 's Day . I promise to post pictures soon ! Internet speeds can be prohibitively slow , and I don 't have my flash drive with me to add more , but I 'm hoping to get a little more internet time this weekend . This post is a little less up beat than the ones in the past have been . The good news is that we made it to Dos Mangas safe and sound . The bad news was that Baby Girl either ate something that didn 't agree with her or got car sick and spewed all over the both of us halfway into the bus ride here . I had no idea her stomach could hold that much ! It definitely ranks up there among one of the least pleasant experiences of motherhood , which maybe just means I 've been very lucky so far . The house here is really nice , and situated on a large parcel of land planted with tons of fruit trees . There are bunches of different birds that fly from tree to tree , and it 's really nice to sit out in the hammock and watch them all . Inside , the house is probably more spacious than our grad student apartment was , but it 's very empty . I wasn 't anticipating having to buy dishes or pillows or things like that , and I 'm finding it a little frustruating that we not only have to put a lot of money into temporary accomodations , but also that I 'm having to spend time on it instead of doing archaeology . I really shouldn 't complain though , because the setting is beautiful , we have people cooking dinner for us and keeping the place clean , and even helping to look after Baby Girl . I guess I just had kind of high expectations , and am trying to bring those back down to earth . I 'll post pics soon , both of the house itself and of our nocturnal housemate ( . . . . ) . This evening I 'll speak with the town council to receive permission from them to do the archaeological project . Apparently one of the reasons why there 's never been any archaeology conducted here is because the town council has always blocked it in the past . It sounds like that 's due to the fact that people wanted to take the artifacts out of the village , and since with my project everything will stay here , hopefully there won 't be any issues . The town also seems very keen on building a site museum , and since my work would generate the objects for it , I 'm hoping they will tolerate mPosted by Packing for Ecuador was quite the experience . We didn 't really start until Sunday afternoon , and had to be on a shuttle to the airport at 6 : 30 Monday morning . We literally stayed up all night packing , and finally decided around 5 am that there was just no way to fit all of our things into 4 duffel bags , so we gave in and paid for an extra bag . With all the stuff we had and the exhaustion of getting no sleep we managed to only forget one critical piece of equipment , the telescoping level . Fortunately FedEx delivers to Guayaquil , so I should have it some time next week . We arrived in Guayaquil on Monday night , and after an extremely long wait to get through customs and immigration at the airport we finally made it to our hotel around 11 : 30 at night ( if you 're counting , that 's 17 hours of travel ) . Mario ( the owner of the house we 're renting ) and Luis ( my guide in 2006 ) from Dos Mangas met us at the airport and took a bunch of our bags back to the village . It 's going to be so nice not to have to haul around a bunch of luggage when we take a bus out to the site ! On tap for this week was registering our visas and getting Ecuadorian ID cards , getting the permit approval for my project , and hopefully showing the family around Guayaquil a little bit in the process , all before we head out to the site on Friday . Even though we got off to a rocky start , we made it ! We picked up our registered visas this morning ( Thursday ) , then went to get the ID card , and came back to get the permit proposal . I 'm giddy over the fact that it all worked out ! Tomorrow we 'll get to sleep in and then catch a bus out to the site in the early afternoon . I can 't wait to get there and get everything in place to start mapping and excavations on Monday ! In between all of our errands we spent a lot of time walking the Malecon along the Guayas river . I was actually really impressed with all of the gardens and public architecture . Even Baby Girl enjoyed it ! We stopped in one of the bars along the Malecon to watch the Ecuador - Argentina football game ( soccer , Posted by The Sisterhood , actually . On Friday I spoke at the state - wide convention of the organization that is funding my fieldwork , a philanthropic organization of women . It was absolutely amazing to stand up at that podium and see all of those faces looking back at me . It really brought home the enormity , not only of the fact that I got a grant , but that these women have such faith in me and in my work . I realy felt like a celebrity , so many people were coming up asking to take my picture and telling me how much they enjoyed my speech . I 've already been invited back to present on my work at next year 's meeting . It was just so touching that they are concerned about me and my family , and not just performance targets . It 's definitely one of the up sides of getting a non - traditional grant for fieldwork . The speech was part of our frantic wrap - up getting things ready for Ecuador . On Thursday night we had friends over for a final goodbye , and then I was out the door by 11 am Friday morning to make it up for my talk . The apartment still had a bunch of boxes left to be packed and put into storage , so Steve stayed behind to take care of that , and then made it up to my parent 's in time to take Baby Girl to the zoo on Saturday afternoon . So much fun ! In the next installment : departure for and arrival in Ecuador ! ! I am now a firm believer in the wonders of the Peapod . We went ahead and upgraded to the Peapod Plus , which is longer , taller , and unfortunately heavier ( though at 6 . 5 it 's really not too bad for our intented use ) . Baby Girl loves it ! We opened it up and she crawled right in ! She 's spent the last few naps and nights sleeping in it , and I think it 's a huge success . For a toddler , the Peapod Plus is definitely the way to go ! In other news , this time next week we 'll be waking up in Guayaquil . We 're still frantically packing up the apartment to put our things into storage , and haven 't even started to pack what we 're actually going to take to Ecuador . Aaaaaahhhhhhhh ! We drove up to Chicago on Wednesday to get our visas from the Ecuadorian consulate . I was a bundle of nerves , worried that I would have forgotten or overlooked something , or that roadblocks would be thrown in front us us once we got to the consulate . To some extent my fears were justified . . . they needed 4 passport photos for each of us , not 2 , and the fees were $ 60 higher than what we had been told , but fortunately we had brought extra cash with us , and there was a CVS right around the corner that took care of us in no time . We got in at 11 : 30am , went for lunch at 12 : 45 , toured Millennium Park , got more photos taken , and walked out of the consulate office with our visas at 3 : 15pm . All in all , not too bad . I 'm just so relieved that we got it taken care of and that it was pretty painless . Now we just have to worry about registering the visas once we get to Guayaquil . . . Since Baby Girl just turned 18 months and is not yet bed ready , we were confronted with a bit of a problem when it comes to a sleep solution for her in Ecuador . Fitting a pack - and - play in with all our other gear into just four pieces of luggage really didn 't seem feasible , and while friends in Ecuador graciously offered to have a crib ready for us , we 'd still be without a portable sleep option . We plan to do weekend trips to other sites and to visit friends , and if the three of us had to share a bed then none of us would get any sleep . Finally , with the bug situation mosquito netting is a must , and I 'm not certain that Baby Girl would be able to resist thrusting it aside . The solution ? The PeaPod , by Kidco . It 's basically a kid tent , so the mosquito netting is integrated into the structure of the " crib " . There 's a self inflating mattress that zips into the bottom , so Baby Girl will be up off the floor and nicely padded . At 4 . 5 pounds it 's not a super light weight option , but certainly light enough to strap to a backpack for the short bouts of walking that we might need to do to get to villages . It also folds down to a 14 " circle that aids in the portablility . All in all it seems like an ideal solution , so we got one and set it up in the living room for Baby Girl 's approval . The verdict ? Tepid at best . We have now learned that Baby Girl is not a fan of enclosed spaces . At 47 " it 's long enough for her to sleep comfortably ( I even wedged myself into it ) , but it 's not quite high enough for her to sit easily upright , and I think she really dislikes being scrunched up against the roof of the tent , but who could blame her . We 'll leave it set up in the living room , full of toys , so that she can get accustomed to it , and hopefully she 'll soon recognize it as her new sleeping space ( which may be helped by the fact that we 're moving her crib into storage this weekend ) . I still have hope for the PeaPod , but only time will tell . So , in the past week we 've bought our tickets , got vaccinations , bought excavation equipment and other trip supplies , and begun the culling / packing process . I can 't believe that we only have another month left in this country ! On the one hand I feel like there 's a lot of time left , but I know there 's soooo much to be done . The semester 's nearly over , and so 's my job , so I 'll have a little more time on my hands to hang out with Baby Girl and get stuff done . On the to - do list this week : write the permit proposal , buy travel insurance , and treat myself to a 90 - minute massage . I think I deserve it : ) I just spent the last few days at the Society for American Archaeology 's annual conference in Atlanta , GA . It was a great time visiting with old friends , meeting with new collegues , and listening to other people 's cool research . It 's definitely pumped me up even more for the field work , which is now just a little over a month away ! It 's coming so fast and there 's still a lot to be done , like write the permit proposal , buy supplies , and put all of our worldly belongings in storage . I guess I better get cracking ! I 've gotten some more great news in the last few days , and the best at this point is the fact that my youngest cousin , a college freshman , is going to come down with us for at least a few weeks and help out on the dig . I can 't wait to introduce her ( not to mention my husband and daughter ) to the country that I 've fallen in love with ! So apparently there is a new process for receiving an Ecuadorian visa for Intercultural Exchange that no longer includes proof of HIV - negative status . I was not looking forward to poking the munchkin and it means fewer doctors appointments for us . We 'll have the munchkin 's passport by the end of the week and can then apply for the Ecuadorian visa as soon as I get the letters from my affiliated university in Ecuador . Happy days ! The field site is located on that lands of the Comuna of Dos Mangas , located in a river valley in Guayas Province . The elevation is low , and the vegetation is lush . Fresh seafood , fruits and veggies every day . . . Heaven ! The Comuna has about 1000 residents who farm , raise animals , make tourist handicrafts , or work in the larger towns nearby . The Comuna gets a steady stream of eco - tourists and are looking to expand their tourism offerings . The site dates to the Manteno phase ( AD 800 - 1532 ) . They were contemporaries of the Inca but maintained their autonomy even while neighboring regions were conquered . There are other remains , visible in eroded areas , that testify to human habitation of the valley since the Valdivia phase ( 3500 - 1400 BC ) . The site is located within a frontier region between two Manteno political / ethnic groups . I won 't bore you with the details , but the project will look at political organization and social identity in the ancient community at the site , and the ways in which the people there negotiated their participation in either or both political / ethnic groups . I 've set up this blog to chronicle the adventures , trials , and tribulations that I encounter in the course of a year of archaeological field work in Ecuador . It 'll be a good way of keeping in touch with family when we 're out of the country too ! I 've just received word that I 'll actually have the money to do this , and the feelings of joy and relief are quickly being replaced by an understanding of all the things that need to be done before my family and I can actually depart for Ecuador ( at a date still to be determined ) . Today the adventure is passport renewal , in person , in Chicago , because we need things to move fast . Joy . Archaeologist and anthropologist , collaborative community heritage practitioner . Academic mom . Left my heart in coastal Ecuador . Basically trying to make the world a better place through archaeology .
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We had the pleasure of having Steve 's cousin Kathy and her husband David spend Christmas with us . it was a really wonderful visit ! We spent one day on the beach in Montanita , which we had previously avoided like the plague . But , on a weekday , it 's really not too bad . The gringo quotient was at a minimum , and the beach was empty enough to enjoy it . The water was a lovely temperature and the sandy beach was so nice ! BG threw sand around , tried to bury Steve , and giggle insanely when the waves would splash against us . The next day we walked about half an hour past my site ( about 2km from the village ) and were regaled with the calls of a troupe of howler monkeys . How cool is that ? It was a great little hike , even though BG didn 't want to be in the kid carrier and insisted that Mommy carry her for the whole hike . I was quite sore afterward , but it was worth it ! On Wednesday we set out to spend Christmas in Cuenca ! BG did great on the bus rides ( 3 hrs and 5hrs ) and only threw up a little bit on the first ride , so it was not nearly as traumatic as it could have been . The bus ride up and over the mountains to Cuenca was absolutely stunning ! It went from lush tropical mountain sides , to an environment quite reminiscent of where we lived in Wales . Beautiful ! On Christmas Eve day , Cuenca hosts the elaborate Pasado del Nino , a parade incorporating nativity scenes , reenactments of moments of Jesus ' life , people decked out in their finest indigenous dress , and displaying the bounty of their year . It started around 10am and continued until 5pm , a constant stream of people . One of the best things is that the parade route ran just a block from our hotel , so we could go out and check it out , and then pop back for BG 's nap , etc . , and still see most of it ! Cuenca is an absolutely beautiful city , and I highly recommend visiting it if you get the chance . Unlike Guayaquil , or even Quito , the urban sprawl and slums are somewhat minimal , so the overall impression is of a clean and prosperous city . This isn 't to say that poverty doesn 't existPosted by We kind of wrapped up excavations last Friday ( at least until the rainy season is over - not that it 's started yet ) . We also had our first casualty . I thought Marshalltowns were better than this ! Looks like we might have a river cobble house floor , so I really want to get a few more weeks of digging in , maybe in March ? I went to a wedding ( almost two weeks ago now ! ) for one of my occasional workers . He and his wife had been legally married by the State for at least ten years ( I think ) , but were being remarried by the Catholic church so that their daughter could take part in First Communion . I showed up at the church for the ceremony as our family representative , and a good thing that I was feeling up to it ! Alfredo , my worker , was short his best man / godfather , who , as mayor of Santa Elena Province , was stuck in the capital town meeting with Rafael Correa , the country 's president . So I guess one gringa equals an alcalde ? Left to Right : Alfredo , Me , Cecilia , and OttoThe party afterward was a blast , especially since I actually know people now . I actually had fun dancing , even to the cumbia ! Otto , the intended godfather , arrived sometime around 1am . I stayed as long as I could ( about 2 : 30am ) but had to leave so I could wake up to get the house in order for our guests who were coming the next day . . . . because sometimes I get a little time for that . Last weekend I went on a hike with some international students from UEES . I took them out to the site and let them dig around a bit , and then we went hiking up to the natural pools that the river carved out of rock . Here 's the path right before we dropped down to the pools . Isn 't it pretty ? As Baby Girl succumbs to yet another illness - this time fever , green snot , and the runs - it 's interesting ( and frustrating ) to reflect on the way that viruses and sickness is perceived here . Apparently , the concept of a virus that spreads from person to person through contact doesn 't exist to these people . Instead , one falls sick because of cambio de clima ( weather change ) or mal de ojo ( sort of an imbalance of the humors , which can be caused intentionally or unintentionally by really negative or positive energy directed at a person ; a . k . a . the evil eye . A reasonable description of the phenomenon can be found here ) . What this means for us , in a practical sense , is that no one sees any reason to keep their sick kids home from daycare , because illness can 't be passed on . Instead they send them on in so that they can infect all the ( temporarily ) healthy children that are there . Every day that I drop BG off I cringe at the multitude of green snot faces that greet us at the door . So it seems that BG gets a week of good health , followed by a week of not - so - good health . Mostly we 've been lucky and the bad weeks are just the sniffles . Sometimes it 's worse . Being that she is La Gringita , everyone constantly wants to touch her . And if you say " don 't touch , she 's sick " ( which I 've started doing with increasing frequency and diminishing tact , to avoid them passing something on to her and actually making her sick ) they stroke her and murmur " poor thing " while suggesting that she 's afflicted by one of the ailments . BUT YOU ' RE STILL TOUCHING HER AND MAKING HER SICK ! ! ! ! I just hope that all this sickness means that once we get back home she 'll have an immunity level somewhere in the stratosphere and stay relatively healthy even while those around her succumb to the seasonal ailments that go around every year . Here 's hoping . Yes , folks , that 's right . Shortly after the 2 year mark , BG has made the transition to a real bed ! And not because we 're having another and need to free up the crib for that one : PThese six months that we 've been in Ecuador ( SIX months , can you believe it ? ! ? ! ) she 's been sleeping in a PeaPod Plus . It 's worked great for us because it 's compact enough to travel with . Like , actually compact . Not compact like they say a Pack - and - Play is but then it still takes up half the boot of your car . We can fold it up and strap it to a backpack and off we go ! Also , since it 's basically just a personal tent for a baby , it has screening , and thus mosquito netting , built right in . However , since she 's been using it continuously for six months , it 's begun to develop a bit of a funk . And since it 's a whole integrated thing , it 's a little hard to clean properly . With BG getting sick frequently , and coughing often in her sleep , Steve thought maybe the tent wasn 't the best sleeping environment for her anymore . Since there 's an unused twin bed laying around the house , we decided to move that down next to ours and give the whole " big girl bed " thing a whirl . And let me tell you , I am so lucky to have such a flexible and easy going daughter ( this year here would probably not be possible if she wasn 't ) . She moaned a little the first night , but since then has slept as well as she did in her tent . The fact that the mosquito netting is wrapped under the mattress probably helps keep her from getting up for a wander in the middle of the night , which I am definitely cool with ! It 's so sweet to see her asleep in it , though , since at most she takes up a quarter of the whole space . Just another sign that our little girl is growing up ! Wow , I 've neglected this blog for far too long ! It 's been quite a busy month and a half , filled with visits from the in - laws , rubbernecking with politicians , stomach viruses , and dissertation related paranoia . We met Steve 's parents when their flight arrived in Guayaquil on November 1 . We came right back out to Dos Mangas to celebrate Dia de los Santos . I wish I had a photograph of the crowds in the bus station who were traveling for the holiday . It was an absolute madhouse , with people stacked back to back . I think I really impressed Dad / Gene by the way I was able to get us right up to the ticket counter . We spent a lovely day on the 2nd walking through Dos Mangas and stopping at friends houses and getting food foisted upon us . To celebrate the day of the dead , families prepare tons of foods , particularly the favorites of those who have passed , and lay it all out on a table . Then , while the family goes off to visit the grave site , the dead come and " eat " their food . Then the family comes back and people start circulating from house to house , eating up all the goodies . We got to try a few new delicacies that day ! We also wandered down to the futbol field ( soccer , for most of you ) and watched a pretty good game in which Dos Mangas tied 4 - 4 with the near - by town of Olon . One of the tables , all laid out . That was pretty much the end of our adventures while Steve 's parents were visiting . Mom / Norma picked up a bug while they were in Miami and then passed it on to Dad and eventually Baby Girl and me ( though I definitely got a mild version of it ) . Mom and Dad spent a lot of time resting and bonding with their granddaughter . It was so great to see how much she loves her Oma and Opa . We even got to celebrate her 2nd birthday together , albeit a few days early . Yes , that 's right folks , my Baby Girl is now 2 years old ! I may have to start referring to her as Big Girl , but BG will still work . The tantrums have also started , but so has all the extra fun ! On the 14th , Dos Mangas inaugurated a new Interpretation Center for the touristPosted by Each day as I hike to and from the site I follow the main road that is criss - crossed by the meandering river . Each day I watch the incremental changes as once isolated puddles start to meld together and once dry crossings become muddy and the outright wet . The past few weeks we 've had near constant rain , and the river that was once confined to a few low areas up the valley is now running across the road in and out of town . Dos Mangas ( two sleves / arms ) is so named because it 's located where the rivers Culebra and Colin join to form the larger Manglaralto river . Though now a seasonal river , some of the older residents have told me that as recently as 50 years ago the river was permanent , an deep enough that comuneros would sail rafts laden with paja ( a plant fiber used for roofing and the famous " Panama " hats ) down to the coast . Bundles of cut paja . As the river rises , and my hike to the site become a slog through calf - deep mud , I watch the river with excitement and trepidation . Excitement to see what the valley looked like in it 's recent history , when it was lusher and wetter . To be able to catch crayfish out of the river and eat ripening fruit right from the forest . Excitement especially to imagine what it would have been like for the people who populated my site and lived along the Rio Culebra . Trepidation because the only way in and out of the village is across the river . There is no bridge . When the water gets too deep you 're basically stuck . Trepidation because in previous years the river , when it runs , comes all at once , and has taken houses with it . The river road , in the dry season . They say that there 'll likely be an El Nino event this year . With the way it 's been raining ( unseasonably heavy , according to my workers ) I wouldn 't be surprised . So while we were out of the country more drama ensued ( see my previous entry here ) . The community , with the help of the Ministry of Tourism , had some lovely signs made that were posted at the trail heads to the waterfalls and natural pools that they take tourists to . Well , the resident malos came by with machetes and destroyed the signs . That prompted the community to vote , in the absence of any official decision from the provincial government , to declare Bonnie and Clyde persona non grata within the community . When we got back to Dos Mangas we drove under a banner hung at the entrance to the community saying as much . Last week the police accompanied B & C to move their stuff out of their houses , but lo an behold , discovered an illegal arsenal which could out gun the local police force , as well as all kinds of black market or smuggled machinery , motorcycles , etc . and that was only what was at two of their three houses , not to mention what could be hidden out on their land . It was big enough news to appear in the main coastal newspaper , El Universo . There 's all kinds of speculation within the community that they were smuggling the guns for FARC , and also that they were drug runners too , what with Montañita being right up the road . I 'm just extremely glad that the time I was up there filming with some comuneros that we had a bunch of armed police with us ! The two are now under house arrest and facing some serious jail time , which of course won 't be anything new for one of them . I either have the best or the worst luck . It seems like no matter where we put an excavation unit , or for what purpose , we keep ending up with skeletons ! We 're trying to dig a pit through to sterile ( non - cultural ) soil to document the time periods of the site . All I want is pottery to match up to some other sites . So of course we find another burial . The very edge of it skims the unit that we 're working in , but of course it 's the edge that contains an entire ( though fractured ) vessel , which is now sticking out of the wall . Previous experience has told me that things like that left in the wall of an excavation unit won 't stay there for long , so we 're having to open an adjacent unit to do this thing right and get that person out of there . I spent the first four days back at work with my guys mapping the site . This had been postponed because when we first came to Ecuador , back in June , my telescoping level ended up left in a corner behind the front door when we went to the airport . Even though it was shipped via FedEx on June 10 , it has STILL not cleared customs here in Ecuador ! So , when we were home this time I bought a second one and didn 't let that sucker out of my sight ! So it took a long time , and it was tedious , but here are the fruits of our labor : Our visit back to the States was absolutely wonderful . We were so lucky to be able to get together with so many family and friends . First was my cousin Andrea 's wedding . She made for the most gorgeous bride , and her new husband Kyle is a great addition to the family . All of the cousins were together and we got some pretty nice pictures of everyone . Then , we were off to North Dakota to visit Steve 's grandmother . She had not yet met Baby Girl , and our visit ended up being kind of an early 95th birthday present . Steve 's parents were in ND as well , so we had a really nice visit . We returned to Wisconsin to spend some more time with my parents , and had a great ladies ' day out at the Zoo with my mom and aunts . We breezed through our university town , visited with advisors and drank with friends , and scanned a whole heck of a lot of books so that we 'd have PDFs with us in Ecuador . We got back to my parents on Thursday morning and then left for the airport 24 hours later - and we didn 't forget anything this time ! All the cousins together for the wedding . Baby Girl and Nana at the zoo . It was incredibly nice to be back , as much for the conveniences as for being around family . I 'm really hoping that our extended travels will be fewer and far between , and that maybe we can find our way to get jobs and settle down close to family . I can do the independent adventuring spirit thing just fine , but when it comes down to it I 'm happiest near my family . Home at last , even if it is just for two weeks ! It 's the little things , like being able to rinse your toothbrush in the water from the tap , or flush toilet paper instead of having to throw it in the bin . And having TV and fast internet . My parents are having a blast playing with Baby Girl , and I 'm enjoying just a short break from the toil of fieldwork . And today my husband and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary with a low - key day and some quality ice cream . Steve 's lost 20 lbs since we went to Ecuador , and I 've lost 10 . We 're going to try not to gain it all back while we 're home and partaking of all the yummy yummyness that there is here . Saturday my cousin Andrea gets married . Monday we fly to North Dakota to visit Steve 's grandma . The following Monday we try to catch up with old friends and advisors at school . It 's a break from the toil , but by no means a vacation . I just hope that I 'm still willing to return to Ecuador when it 's time to head back . So tempting to return to the easy life . . . . . . . dictates that on your last day of excavation before an extended break , when you decide to go ahead and excavate just one more level , you will invariably find something that either a ) completely changes your interpretation of the entire site , or b ) will be impossible for you to excavate completely and properly in the time left to you . Today was our last day of excavation for the next three weeks while the family and I return to the States for a visit . So of course we found another burial . This one seems to be largely intact and includes ribs and a pelvis ! Unfortunately , the legs and head are going into two other units which would have to be excavated before this guy can be removed . I 'm sure you can understand my hesitation about leaving any bones lying around the site , but it can 't be avoided . Hopefully our lids on the units will keep people away and this individual will still be waiting for my trowel when I get back ! This is the burial that we came across in one of our excavation units . Don 't know if it 's male or female because the pelvis is missing , and can 't estimate age because the skull with teeth weren 't intact . This poor person 's been through a lot though . The entire lower half of the body is missing ( possibly cut by a large pit that was dug later ) , and there was a lot of compaction and fracturing of the bones . All that remains is part of the skull , an arm and hand , and several fractured ribs . There is also an animal burrow that runs underneath the body , and in the wall of this burrow we found a femur and several finger or toe bones , which may belong to the same individual . Early Valdivia burial with shell inside the skull cavity ( upper left of photo ) . One interesting thing to note is the shell located inside the cranium ( or where the cranium would have been if not for the actions of our neighborhood looter ) . It 's impossible to know for sure , due to the damage done to the skull , but it 's possible that this shell was inserted into the individual 's mouth prior to burial . So , I think I am officially feuding with one of the families here in Dos Mangas . The mother totally ripped us of to prepare food for us , the daughter stole my cell phone , and the grandfather tried to forcibly yank a skull out of the ground where we are excavating ( all he managed to do was break it into a zillion pieces , which he left , and then grabbed some teeth ) . Seriously , what is it with these people ? ! ? ! ? ! I would be so happy if I never had to deal with any of them again , but in a village of 1000 people related in all kinds of ways , that 's not too likely . But if anyone else from this same family tries to pull any more stuff like this I 'm going to completely flip out on them ! So the last few weeks have found your intrepid adventurer embroiled in a bit of personal turmoil . If you will remember , I came here to carry out research on frontier identities of the late pre - Hispanic Manteño culture ( 800 - 1532 AD ) . Despite some tantalizing surface evidence of a reasonable sized Manteño occupation in this valley , most of our excavations turned up very little sub - surface evidence of this habitation . It 's been quite demoralizing because what seemed so clear back home - both in terms of excavation locations and research questions - became a lot less so when I got here . I suppose it 's to be expected , but it 's disheartening nonetheless . Salvation ( and possibly damnation ) came in the form of my field assistant , Luis , who was also my guide when I was here back in 2006 for the survey . My assistants were well aware of my increasing despondency and fear that I 'd never make a dissertation out of what we 'd been uncovering . He took me out to a field where we surveyed in 2006 , but the vegetation is much less dense this year . Quite visible on the surface now , but hidden then , was a quantity of artifacts to die for . I seriously wanted to weep , and not only because here , at last , could be the kind of reasonably contained site that would be great for a project , but also because few of the ceramics I turned over with my toe were Manteño . Most were from the preceding Guangala culture , but others pre - dated even that . I consulted the two most intellectually important women in my life - my current and former advisors - to ask their opinions of whether to pursue this new site . The answer was the same ; go where the artifacts are , the significance will become clear . Part of me doesn 't like that , because I worked long and hard to come up with a research question that would get funded ( the ultimate test , right ? ) , but also because I sincerely am deeply interested in both the Manteño period and processes of identity formation and negotiation . But , as work was wrapping up in a third unproductive locationPosted by So , I 'm realizing to my horror that it 's been nearly a month since I 've updated the blog . A lot has been happening , not the least of which was Baby Girl baptizing my computer with a cup of tea . Between taking it apart to mop up the tea and let everything dry , and then waiting until I could get to Libertad to buy a new keyboard ( the one casualty of the whole affair ) I lost nearly two weeks of computer usage . But , we 're up and running again , so all is well in the world . The community has been embroiled in a fairly interesting and lengthy political demonstration for the last few weeks to assert their control of community lands and access to different resources on community property . This has mainly consisted of blocking the main road going in and out of town , and setting up a 24 hour guard to monitor the traffic going in and out of town . It all started when someone who leases community lands decided that they 'd go and fence off the road that the community uses to take tourists to some very pretty cascading pools of water , effectively declaring both that portion of the road and the pools to be private property . These same leasees also waved guns at community members as they went along this road , for trespassing on their " property " . The community set up the blockade to prevent these people from moving freely to and from the land that they are leasing . As you might imagine , the police and local and provincial governments got involved in this dispute , which still does not have a resolution . The leasees claim that the community is trying to kick them off the land ( and there is some claim on their part that they bought this land , though that is impossible because the whole territory belongs to the community ) , while the community contends that the leasees are trying to develop tourism privately and thus deprive the community of an important source of revenue . You might be able to guess where my sympathies lie . I got invited along by community members on one of the inspections by the provincial government becaPosted by So let me start by saying that we are on week five without a fridge . That basically sums up where everything comes from . This has gone from annoying and inconvenient to dangerous to my daughter 's health . She 's lost a kilo ( for you non - metric people out there , about 2 pounds ) since we came here , and I attribute it directly to not being able to store any food in the house because we don 't have a fridge . No milk , yogurt , or cheese . No fruits or vegetables that you can 't eat in a day or two because if you don 't the flys or ants will get at it . No making food and keeping the left overs , lots of waste , etc . And to this date our landlord has only made a half hearted attempt to get it fixed despite my constant nagging , but then was surprised when he asked me for the rent today and I asked him for the fridge . And now he 's gone and left for Puerto Rico for a month , which leaves us where exactly ? Then comes along Porta ( the telecommunications company ) and their lousy website and even lousier customer service . We got a pre - pay internet thing for the house , which costs dearly , but we decided that for our research and our sanity , we need it . Well , the website messes up and ends up eating $ 17 of our dollars , but the online Porta people refuse to acknowledge any fault or refund our money , and our only recourse is to travel 2 hours each way to the nearest customer service center to file a complaint and try to get our money back , which seems like it wouldn 't happen anyway . Thanks so much ! Also , the supposed caretakers of this house when the landlord is gone ( the same ones that were ripping me off to cook for us ) stole my telephone and also the landlord 's camera and cash . There 's no proof , but they 're the only ones who had access . And so the question remains , why the hell is he allowing them to keep living in the house ( for free ) on his property instead of kicking them and their six bark - all - night dogs to the curb ? I 'm so ready to go postal on people that it 's not even funny . So I guess I 'm a little behind on updating about my project . We 're entering the fourth week of the project now , which I find really hard to believe . We started working at what we 've called the cistern , a depression on the top of a hill that was supposedly filled with water and used as part of a Manteno irrigation system . Now , after a few weeks of digging a trench into the side of the thing , I am pretty confident that it never held water , or at least never intentionally . It looks as if it was a natural depression that was dug out and used as a trash pit , possibly for a single event , like a feast . The analysis is on - going , of course , but we 're hauling bags of ceramics out of each level , and tons of big charcoal fragments for dating , and finding some cool things like copper bells and tweezers , spindle whorls , a human hand , and the first obsidian blade for the site . We also began some work at the platform mound by digging test pits every 5m in the surrounding area . Differences in soil types will tell us if there was any surface preparation ( possibly for a plaza ) and also give us a sense of the usage intensity across that space . So far the deposits are the same across 50 - 100m and give no indication of a prepared floor . Artifacts are few in number , but there do appear to be some hot spots . Once we wrap up things at the " cistern " ( which will be tomorrow if the powers - that - be cooperate ) , we 'll head down to the mound to finish test pitting and begin excavations of the mound itself . The " laboratory " ( my living room ) is quickly filling up with bags of artifacts that need to be washed , labeled , and photographed . Lab work is much trickier when you have a toddler who wants to look at all the pieces too . Hopefully we can work out some kind of storage solution within the next few days , or at least a way to cordon off that space . My helper ( aka Taylor ) leaves for home on Sunday , so I 'm trying to make the most of the time that we have ! Taylor holding the first piece of ceramic that she found at the site ! Things have been pretty crazy down here lately , and we 've spent a lot more time getting to know the staff at the hospital at Manglaralto than I 'm really happy with . Last week I went in because of a high fever and body aches , and people in the village were concerned about Dengue . The doctor who did the exam on Thursday gave an initial diagnosis of Dengue , but wanted me to come back on Friday when the lab was open . Taylor was with me and spoke with the doctor about the stomach problems she was having and was given some rehydration drink mix and sent home . We came back on Friday morning for my blood draw ( I will say , that was one of the best blood draws I 've ever had ) , but had to wait until the afternoon for the results , so since Baby Girl had been suffering from a cough and an on - and - off fever for about a week , we brought her in to be seen too . Generally good news all around , I don 't have Dengue ( just a virus ) and Baby Girl 's lungs were clear . They gave us an antibiotic for her since her throat was irritated and swollen , and some paracetemol for the fever . On Wednesday Taylor went back to the hospital by herself because of continuing stomach issues . The doctor that time wanted to do an HIV test , because of course a young , single gringa staying anywhere near Montanita must be doing drugs and having unprotected sex . Didn 't even want a fecal culture done . On Thursday Taylor started getting a rash around her hairline , and by Friday morning it was covering her entire body . We went in to the hospital , saw yet a different doctor , who gave her a cortisone injection and told her to start taking her Cipro for the stomach problems and keep taking Benadryl for the rash . She 's doing much better overall , but yesterday her lip started to swell randomly , which makes us wonder if she 's having a reaction to the Cipro . Around this time Baby Girl 's illness really started going into high gear . Her fever was basically constant and she became really lethargic and didn 't want to eat or drink anything , so we started giving her the antibiotic aPosted by We went to Agua Blanca this past weekend , where I used to work , to celebrate the solstice , Steve 's Birthday , and Father 's Day . It was really nice being able to see old friends and also to introduce the family to the place where I spent so much time . For the first time ever , the community arranged a huge solstice celebration this year on Saturday . They had a shaman come in who did a sweat lodge and ceremony the night before the solstice , with the idea of waking up an watching the sun rise up on the site at the building that aligns with the summer solstice . There was a guy there who does an outdoor / adventuring program who really seemed to be calling the shots in terms of staging the ceremony , and that was quite weird . The whole thing was very new agey and American Indian - esque , but people kept claiming that they were reviving practices that died out 500 years ago when the Spanish came . As an archaeologist , I was quite put out by that , and the fact that people were camping on top of the ruins . But the thing that bothered me the most was the fact that the community members seemed to be incidental to the whole thing . The sweat tent where the ceremony took place , and the sacred precinct outside of it . Don Isidro is adding more hot stones ( abuelos ) to the sauna inside . Your intrepid explorer , emerging from the tent after three rounds ( I couldn 't take the super heated sulphur water any more ) and being interviewed by one of the many camera crews that were swarming the ceremony . On Sunday we did the tour of the site and I think Taylor and Steve were impressed . It was also good for me to see it and remind myself how different the materials at Dos Mangas are . After touring the site we relaxed in the laguna , and Steve and Baby Girl had a ton of fun splashing around . I think it was the highlight of his Father 's Day . I promise to post pictures soon ! Internet speeds can be prohibitively slow , and I don 't have my flash drive with me to add more , but I 'm hoping to get a little more internet time this weekend . This post is a little less up beat than the ones in the past have been . The good news is that we made it to Dos Mangas safe and sound . The bad news was that Baby Girl either ate something that didn 't agree with her or got car sick and spewed all over the both of us halfway into the bus ride here . I had no idea her stomach could hold that much ! It definitely ranks up there among one of the least pleasant experiences of motherhood , which maybe just means I 've been very lucky so far . The house here is really nice , and situated on a large parcel of land planted with tons of fruit trees . There are bunches of different birds that fly from tree to tree , and it 's really nice to sit out in the hammock and watch them all . Inside , the house is probably more spacious than our grad student apartment was , but it 's very empty . I wasn 't anticipating having to buy dishes or pillows or things like that , and I 'm finding it a little frustruating that we not only have to put a lot of money into temporary accomodations , but also that I 'm having to spend time on it instead of doing archaeology . I really shouldn 't complain though , because the setting is beautiful , we have people cooking dinner for us and keeping the place clean , and even helping to look after Baby Girl . I guess I just had kind of high expectations , and am trying to bring those back down to earth . I 'll post pics soon , both of the house itself and of our nocturnal housemate ( . . . . ) . This evening I 'll speak with the town council to receive permission from them to do the archaeological project . Apparently one of the reasons why there 's never been any archaeology conducted here is because the town council has always blocked it in the past . It sounds like that 's due to the fact that people wanted to take the artifacts out of the village , and since with my project everything will stay here , hopefully there won 't be any issues . The town also seems very keen on building a site museum , and since my work would generate the objects for it , I 'm hoping they will tolerate mPosted by Packing for Ecuador was quite the experience . We didn 't really start until Sunday afternoon , and had to be on a shuttle to the airport at 6 : 30 Monday morning . We literally stayed up all night packing , and finally decided around 5 am that there was just no way to fit all of our things into 4 duffel bags , so we gave in and paid for an extra bag . With all the stuff we had and the exhaustion of getting no sleep we managed to only forget one critical piece of equipment , the telescoping level . Fortunately FedEx delivers to Guayaquil , so I should have it some time next week . We arrived in Guayaquil on Monday night , and after an extremely long wait to get through customs and immigration at the airport we finally made it to our hotel around 11 : 30 at night ( if you 're counting , that 's 17 hours of travel ) . Mario ( the owner of the house we 're renting ) and Luis ( my guide in 2006 ) from Dos Mangas met us at the airport and took a bunch of our bags back to the village . It 's going to be so nice not to have to haul around a bunch of luggage when we take a bus out to the site ! On tap for this week was registering our visas and getting Ecuadorian ID cards , getting the permit approval for my project , and hopefully showing the family around Guayaquil a little bit in the process , all before we head out to the site on Friday . Even though we got off to a rocky start , we made it ! We picked up our registered visas this morning ( Thursday ) , then went to get the ID card , and came back to get the permit proposal . I 'm giddy over the fact that it all worked out ! Tomorrow we 'll get to sleep in and then catch a bus out to the site in the early afternoon . I can 't wait to get there and get everything in place to start mapping and excavations on Monday ! In between all of our errands we spent a lot of time walking the Malecon along the Guayas river . I was actually really impressed with all of the gardens and public architecture . Even Baby Girl enjoyed it ! We stopped in one of the bars along the Malecon to watch the Ecuador - Argentina football game ( soccer , Posted by The Sisterhood , actually . On Friday I spoke at the state - wide convention of the organization that is funding my fieldwork , a philanthropic organization of women . It was absolutely amazing to stand up at that podium and see all of those faces looking back at me . It really brought home the enormity , not only of the fact that I got a grant , but that these women have such faith in me and in my work . I realy felt like a celebrity , so many people were coming up asking to take my picture and telling me how much they enjoyed my speech . I 've already been invited back to present on my work at next year 's meeting . It was just so touching that they are concerned about me and my family , and not just performance targets . It 's definitely one of the up sides of getting a non - traditional grant for fieldwork . The speech was part of our frantic wrap - up getting things ready for Ecuador . On Thursday night we had friends over for a final goodbye , and then I was out the door by 11 am Friday morning to make it up for my talk . The apartment still had a bunch of boxes left to be packed and put into storage , so Steve stayed behind to take care of that , and then made it up to my parent 's in time to take Baby Girl to the zoo on Saturday afternoon . So much fun ! In the next installment : departure for and arrival in Ecuador ! ! I am now a firm believer in the wonders of the Peapod . We went ahead and upgraded to the Peapod Plus , which is longer , taller , and unfortunately heavier ( though at 6 . 5 it 's really not too bad for our intented use ) . Baby Girl loves it ! We opened it up and she crawled right in ! She 's spent the last few naps and nights sleeping in it , and I think it 's a huge success . For a toddler , the Peapod Plus is definitely the way to go ! In other news , this time next week we 'll be waking up in Guayaquil . We 're still frantically packing up the apartment to put our things into storage , and haven 't even started to pack what we 're actually going to take to Ecuador . Aaaaaahhhhhhhh ! We drove up to Chicago on Wednesday to get our visas from the Ecuadorian consulate . I was a bundle of nerves , worried that I would have forgotten or overlooked something , or that roadblocks would be thrown in front us us once we got to the consulate . To some extent my fears were justified . . . they needed 4 passport photos for each of us , not 2 , and the fees were $ 60 higher than what we had been told , but fortunately we had brought extra cash with us , and there was a CVS right around the corner that took care of us in no time . We got in at 11 : 30am , went for lunch at 12 : 45 , toured Millennium Park , got more photos taken , and walked out of the consulate office with our visas at 3 : 15pm . All in all , not too bad . I 'm just so relieved that we got it taken care of and that it was pretty painless . Now we just have to worry about registering the visas once we get to Guayaquil . . . Since Baby Girl just turned 18 months and is not yet bed ready , we were confronted with a bit of a problem when it comes to a sleep solution for her in Ecuador . Fitting a pack - and - play in with all our other gear into just four pieces of luggage really didn 't seem feasible , and while friends in Ecuador graciously offered to have a crib ready for us , we 'd still be without a portable sleep option . We plan to do weekend trips to other sites and to visit friends , and if the three of us had to share a bed then none of us would get any sleep . Finally , with the bug situation mosquito netting is a must , and I 'm not certain that Baby Girl would be able to resist thrusting it aside . The solution ? The PeaPod , by Kidco . It 's basically a kid tent , so the mosquito netting is integrated into the structure of the " crib " . There 's a self inflating mattress that zips into the bottom , so Baby Girl will be up off the floor and nicely padded . At 4 . 5 pounds it 's not a super light weight option , but certainly light enough to strap to a backpack for the short bouts of walking that we might need to do to get to villages . It also folds down to a 14 " circle that aids in the portablility . All in all it seems like an ideal solution , so we got one and set it up in the living room for Baby Girl 's approval . The verdict ? Tepid at best . We have now learned that Baby Girl is not a fan of enclosed spaces . At 47 " it 's long enough for her to sleep comfortably ( I even wedged myself into it ) , but it 's not quite high enough for her to sit easily upright , and I think she really dislikes being scrunched up against the roof of the tent , but who could blame her . We 'll leave it set up in the living room , full of toys , so that she can get accustomed to it , and hopefully she 'll soon recognize it as her new sleeping space ( which may be helped by the fact that we 're moving her crib into storage this weekend ) . I still have hope for the PeaPod , but only time will tell . So , in the past week we 've bought our tickets , got vaccinations , bought excavation equipment and other trip supplies , and begun the culling / packing process . I can 't believe that we only have another month left in this country ! On the one hand I feel like there 's a lot of time left , but I know there 's soooo much to be done . The semester 's nearly over , and so 's my job , so I 'll have a little more time on my hands to hang out with Baby Girl and get stuff done . On the to - do list this week : write the permit proposal , buy travel insurance , and treat myself to a 90 - minute massage . I think I deserve it : ) I just spent the last few days at the Society for American Archaeology 's annual conference in Atlanta , GA . It was a great time visiting with old friends , meeting with new collegues , and listening to other people 's cool research . It 's definitely pumped me up even more for the field work , which is now just a little over a month away ! It 's coming so fast and there 's still a lot to be done , like write the permit proposal , buy supplies , and put all of our worldly belongings in storage . I guess I better get cracking ! I 've gotten some more great news in the last few days , and the best at this point is the fact that my youngest cousin , a college freshman , is going to come down with us for at least a few weeks and help out on the dig . I can 't wait to introduce her ( not to mention my husband and daughter ) to the country that I 've fallen in love with ! So apparently there is a new process for receiving an Ecuadorian visa for Intercultural Exchange that no longer includes proof of HIV - negative status . I was not looking forward to poking the munchkin and it means fewer doctors appointments for us . We 'll have the munchkin 's passport by the end of the week and can then apply for the Ecuadorian visa as soon as I get the letters from my affiliated university in Ecuador . Happy days ! The field site is located on that lands of the Comuna of Dos Mangas , located in a river valley in Guayas Province . The elevation is low , and the vegetation is lush . Fresh seafood , fruits and veggies every day . . . Heaven ! The Comuna has about 1000 residents who farm , raise animals , make tourist handicrafts , or work in the larger towns nearby . The Comuna gets a steady stream of eco - tourists and are looking to expand their tourism offerings . The site dates to the Manteno phase ( AD 800 - 1532 ) . They were contemporaries of the Inca but maintained their autonomy even while neighboring regions were conquered . There are other remains , visible in eroded areas , that testify to human habitation of the valley since the Valdivia phase ( 3500 - 1400 BC ) . The site is located within a frontier region between two Manteno political / ethnic groups . I won 't bore you with the details , but the project will look at political organization and social identity in the ancient community at the site , and the ways in which the people there negotiated their participation in either or both political / ethnic groups . I 've set up this blog to chronicle the adventures , trials , and tribulations that I encounter in the course of a year of archaeological field work in Ecuador . It 'll be a good way of keeping in touch with family when we 're out of the country too ! I 've just received word that I 'll actually have the money to do this , and the feelings of joy and relief are quickly being replaced by an understanding of all the things that need to be done before my family and I can actually depart for Ecuador ( at a date still to be determined ) . Today the adventure is passport renewal , in person , in Chicago , because we need things to move fast . Joy . Archaeologist and anthropologist , collaborative community heritage practitioner . Academic mom . Left my heart in coastal Ecuador . Basically trying to make the world a better place through archaeology .
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* I am married to a wonderful man named Wes . When we met ( blind date , 1996 ) he was female and I was a staunch lesbian . Over time , he realized he was really supposed to have been born a boy and I realized I was really attracted to trans - folk . So it all worked out rather well . * I have a 21 year old stepson . My husband is his mother . Yes . I refer to him on this blog as GMB ( Gargantuan Man Boy ) . * I have always wanted to be a mother . Using donor sperm , I started trying to get pregnant in May of 2005 . I got my first positive blood test on July 27 , 2006 - this was a result of my seventh IUI cycle , my second on Clomid with trigger shots . I used an HCG booster 6dpo to keep my progesterone up ( I had a luteal phase defect ) . On August 29th , when I thought I was 9 weeks pregnant and after seeing the heartbeat the week before , I went for my first OB appt and found out that the baby had died around 8 weeks , 2 days - about 3 days after I saw it . I had a Manual Vacuum Aspiration the next day which was hideous but quick . Pathology report indicated a triploidy - 3 complete sets of chromosomes . Our first try back after the disaster worked . Beckett Ace was born in August 2007 . * My mother died when I was 20 years old . She had cervical cancer . She hadn 't had a pap smear in more than three years . Please visit your gynecologist regularly . * We have a dog and 2 cats . For many years we had pet rats , too , but they have very short lifespans and broke our hearts . If we hadn 't had a baby , I shudder to think how many animals we would have acquired . * We both love to travel . Wes loves glaciers and animals and his dream vacations are Antarctica , Patagonia , Galapagos , and Kangaroo Island ( Australia ) . My dream vacation is a World Cruise . * I am frequently bitchy , bitter , angry , moody , cranky , or whiny . It 's why you love me . I am doing this for Wes Posted on August 18 , 2009 by Briar 4 I came home with a bunch of swag after BlogHer and certainly did not intend to blog about any of it . But some of it was cleaning supplies . And if there is one thing my beloved Wes adores … it is something with which to make the world more sparkly . He made me PROMISE that I would tell you about this product . And I agreed because he looked really scary when he talked about it . He had that breathless panting demonic look , eyes wide and voice insistent that you MUST understand how gross something was until this product came along and SOLVED ALL THE WORLD ' S PROBLEMS . Apparently this fur fighter thing cleared off two years worth of hair that had been hiding in the womb chair . And by hiding , I mean he has cleaned it with the vacuum , the sticky roller thing one uses on clothes , and a special microfiber sponge intended for the same purpose . None came close to removing so much hidden hair . And he made a big , loud , breathless point of telling me that most of it was not pet hair but MY HAIR . Thanks so much , dear . Posted on January 23 , 2009 by Briar 1 This toy from Haba , the Click Clack Ball Track , costs a lot of money but he has played with it every single day since Christmas . He would have been happy with the holiday if all he had received were his guitar and this . If you are rolling in it or looking for a beautiful , well - made , worth - it toy for your toddler , this fits the bill . And rolling balls down the tracks is strangely meditative for adults , too . Posted on August 30 , 2008 by Briar Reply Me and Margaret go way back . I discovered her when I was a teenager and predictably started with A Handmaid 's Tale . Then I devoured her oeuvre . Cat 's Eye was like a bible to me . The Edible Woman made me a vegetarian for nearly a month . Lines from her poetry were written on posterboard on my quote wall and carved into my ceramics class artwork . She is one of the two writers who truly made me want to write . I have read almost everything she has written , but I don 't stay informed about adult publishing these days so I didn 't know she had a new book out until I was wandering the big bookstore chain in our neighborhood . I bought it immediately , even though it was not in our tight budget . For books , money can always be found . Margaret Atwood must be owned , not borrowed . Moral Disorder is a book of connected short stories following the life of one woman . I think I read that on the back when I purchased the book , but I didn 't read it for a couple of months and I forgot . So I didn 't realize until she named the character the same thing . I read the first several essays , the ones that are in first person , thinking they were separate but strangely echoing one another . They echo other aspects of Atwood 's work , too . She has written many stories of childhood and they always share a sadness and distance . Her view , her memory perhaps , of childhood is far from the idyllic version many writers use . It always seems a dark and uncertain time . She captures the hardest feelings we had as children , the confusion and fear and dependence on unreliable adults . I think her stories featuring children are my favorites . In the beginning of this book , we follow the main character ( " Nell " in later chapters ) through the birth and childhood of her much younger sister . We see her great anxiety when caring for her pregnant mother in a brilliant chapter called , " The Art of Cooking and Serving . " This particular story beautifully sets place and time through the 50 's advice the child reads in her mother 's cookbooks , and this pressure pushes Nell until she breaks , sick of caring for her mother and then for the baby her mother delivers . The next story , " The Headless Horseman , " hit close to home for me . In it , Nell 's baby sister is shown to be a fearful and strange child who ends up adopting the scary , papier - mache head from Nell 's Halloween costume and caring for it like a doll . She also demands that Nell be a monster sometimes but Nell 's vaguely menacing tone even when the game is over torments the little girl : " A sister pretending to be a monster or a monster pretending to be a sister ? It was too much for her to decipher . " Bizarrely , I played Monster with my own little sister and tormented her with undoubtedly similar questions . At least Nell 's little sister begged to play the game in the first place . Mine did not and was scarred forever by my meanness . The four stories in the middle of the book use third person and we meet Nell as a woman , living with a married man in the country . This sudden narrative switch didn 't bother me when I thought they were all separate stories , but since I realized that they are connected and feature one character throughout , I have been pondering Atwood 's decision to use two different points of view . I haven 't come up with much by way of reason . I can speak to my reactions - I judged Nell more when she was presented in the third person . I wondered what the hell she was doing in the country with the married man . I felt she was a bit stupid for getting herself into the strange situation involving him and his ex - ish wife . I kept thinking that I would never put up with what she put up with from him or from the situation . It wasn 't extreme , but those were my thoughts . Then we switch back into the first person and the character moves back to the city and I found that I felt closer to her again . So was this device used to try to give a fuller picture of the character ? Can we never really know a first person character except through their own image of themselves ? And can we never empathize with a third person character without their self reflection to assist us ? I know . These are totally Lit 101 type questions . It 's just been a while since I thought about them . I recommend Moral Disorder to lovers of Atwood . I didn 't find it that substantial of a book , not grand or sweeping or dramatic . It captured a life . It said a few lovely things and a few deep ones . It was a quiet and simple book . Enjoyable but maybe , if I am honest , not that memorable . Posted on August 22 , 2008 by Briar 3 I bet you think that I frequent libraries since I am a librarian . This would be a logical assumption , but a wrong one . Even though I live a mile from the gorgeous main branch of the Brooklyn Public Library , I rarely go there . In the past , the only times I entered its hollowed halls was when I was going to a particular conference that gives extensive required reading lists . I did that conference three times , I think . So three . Three summers that I spent some time at the library . Otherwise , not so much . But having a baby changes everything , as the commercial tells us . The biggest thing I have found changed , other than the joy and worry and fatigue , is that I walk . I , a fibromyalgic shut - in with an epic distaste for the outdoors , can now walk an easy two miles without even paying for it in pain the next day . Nearly every day , I take the Beck to a baby playground nearly a mile away . When we leave , he often naps in the stroller and he stays asleep if I keep moving . So one hot , humid day , I wished I had a place to keep moving that was air conditioned . And then I realized we were about 3 minutes away from the library . I am a lover of contemporary fiction but I have felt extremely out of the loop for the past half decade . My work requires that I keep abreast of all the latest developments in kid lit and that has been enough to fill my reading time . When I started working in Brooklyn and lost my subway commute , I read far less and the reading time I did get was really taken up with kid books . My only grownup book time was vacations . And , honestly , I can 't read when in turmoil - I lose my attention span . So with ttc and miscarriage and all that , I just didn 't feel like reading . So there I was , looking for something to do and something to read while Beck slept . The fiction section has a display of recommended fiction and I felt drawn to this book right away . It has a good cover and a circus theme . Two circus books are firmly implanted in my memorable books list ( Geek Love and A Son of the Circus ) , so it 's a theme I dig right away . I grabbed it somewhat impulsively , knowing full well that it could be something I just dragged home only to have to drag back unread in two weeks . I got Beck some board books while I was there so it wouldn 't be a waste of checkout time . I read the first few pages right away , the dramatic prologue that certainly sets the stage for mystery and drama : a stampede , a murder , a setting and language that firmly plant us in a specific time and world . It 's a Depression era circus , a somewhat depraved and desperate place . I knew I wanted to read more but put the book down for a few days to finish something else . I found that I kept wanting to go back to it , though . The book flashes back and forth from the past circus to the present , where our main character , Jacob , is 90 - ish and living in a nursing home . He is in good mental health but his body is failing him a bit . He is edgy and anxious and bored . And a bit bitter about the state of things - the nurses , the food , the company of other old people . Through the flashbacks , we learn Jacob 's story . He comes to the circus very much by accident because of a family tragedy that leaves him penniless and alone . He is almost a veterinarian and once the circus figures this out , they very much want to keep him on to care for the menagerie . He quickly feels connected to these animals and they keep him emotionally tethered to the place even when events occur that should send him running . August the animal keeper , Jacob 's boss , is a charming and terrifying man . He is a talented animal trainer on his best days , a generous husband and friend . On his bad days , when things don 't go his way , he is ruthless and sickeningly cruel . There are some hard passages to read in this book , though the author does a good job of setting the worst cases of animal cruelty " offstage , " as it were , so that our imaginations take care of the details . August 's wife , Marlena , is the star of the liberty horses act and a skilled horse trainer . Jacob immediately feels drawn to her beauty and love of animals but fears for her safety because of her brutal husband . A dangerous love triangle develops here , with Jacob receiving constant invitations from August for dinners and excursions . He can 't refuse August , but his feelings for Marlena become dangerously close to the surface . The story of these three is set among the characters of a typical old time circus - the dwarf clown , the roustabouts , the cooch tent prostitute , the newly - acquired circus elephant who is either very stupid or very smart . Overseeing all is the ringmaster whose ambition to surpass Ringling drives him to give merciless and deadly orders when things aren 't going well . People aren 't paid . People go missing . I couldn 't put this book down . I read it late into the night with that " just one more chapter " feeling you get from well - built suspense . I even read the interview with the author at the end and all the book club questions , which is rare for me . There I learned that the author did extensive research into circuses of the time and that many of the craziest details are true , or at least as true as circus history can be . The end came too quickly , as it does when you are enmeshed in a fictitious world you love . In some ways , the final present - tense outcome seemed far - fetched to me , impossible . But when you are writing about the circus , perhaps anything is possible . And whether it rang true or not , it hit the right note on an emotional level . Posted on July 1 , 2008 by Briar Reply I can 't remember feeling passionate about a television show - really , really must - see - ish - until Six Feet Under . We watched and enjoyed 24 - I watched the whole first season alone and then got Wes hooked over a long weekend when he was recovering from surgery , if memory serves . But that was just fun , not seriously good . I didn 't watch Six Feet Under at first , not having HBO . Melissa 's then boyfriend / now husband taped them all . Taped , like a VHS tape . It wasn 't even that long ago and now it seems just adorable to have a TV show on tape . Anyway , we all passed them around like contraband and before long we were all addicted and sharing one another 's cable once a week so we could see the new episodes . The final episode of Six Feet Under in 2005 coincided with Melissa moving away from me , off to LA . I will never forget the final , amazing montage of Claire driving away from California and toward a life in New York and knowing that my best friend was about to fly in the opposite direction away from me . She was staying with me at the time , her husband already halfway across the country with the cats . We watched the tape ( ! ) of that episode again the next night and cried all over again . I didn 't get into it immediately when it started the year before . I remember seeing the previews and thinking it looked interesting . But I never remember to watch new shows right away . I have to be convinced to let a new show into my life . I need personal recommendations and references and a resume before I accept them into my home . Eventually , those things started trickling in for Lost . And I watched . I watched some random episode in the middle of the first season . It was Kate - centric , I think . The one where she is in Australia and the guy she works for turns her in , I think . I had absolutely NO idea what was going on but I watched the whole thing . I kept announcing to Wes , who was across the mezzanine on the computer , " I have NO IDEA what is going on . I am LOST . Get it ? I 'm LOST watching Lost ! I have NO IDEA what is happening . They should call this show ' I ' M LOST ' instead of just Lost . What the hell is going on ? I don 't know . And still I am watching it . " He was not that interested . And then I kept forgetting to watch it so I missed most of the season . So we bought the DVD . And we were both hooked immediately . I got through it by watching medical dramas . That may seem weird , but it was apparently where my mind wanted to be . I wanted to watch procedures and surgeries and cases of hardcore difficulty . And I needed some snark . So it was House , which I had watched sporadically but began ordering on Netflix , and Grey 's Anatomy , which I believe Asia dropped off with me as part of my miscarriage care package . I still love House with a white hot passion but I haven 't watched Grey 's at all this last year or so . I have totally lost track of it . It makes me think of the bad period . And I find Meredith Grey to be a strange , watery character . I want to like her more than I really do . It was all about Sandra Oh and Izzy and George for me . And I don 't think Mc - Whatever - She - Calls - Him is actually cute . Through it all , there has always been Bravo . I watched Project Runway for the first time as part of a marathon of Season One shortly before the second season was to begin . Is there any better time to discover a new series love than before the second season ? You can catch up quickly and then the next batch is right there ready to go . It 's a gorgeous thing . Once I was hooked on Runway , there was no stopping me . I discovered that I will watch ANYTHING Bravo airs . A reality show about cutting hair ? Yes , please . That strange show about the hotel ? Yes , fine . Flipping houses with an OCD nightmare man ? Oh , yes , yes , yes . Stand - up and / or series with a D level celebrity who bashes other celebrities ( even though I don 't actually follow celebrity gossip in the first place ) ? LOVE . IT . And that doesn 't even mention actual quality like Top Chef . Pregnancy was when my Bravo addiction really took off . Last summer when I was huge and unhappy , I just stayed on the couch with marathons of old seasons of … anything . And that continued after Beck was born . I roped my mother - in - law into my Runway love when she was here , causing her to stay up LONG past her usual bedtime to watch an entire season that I had seen probably five times already . What can I say ? I had a 6 day old baby and familiar , calming sights like Tim Gunn were very welcome . Big Love . Loved big . Wes doesn 't like the main guy so can 't enjoy it but does enjoy speculating on what our life will be like when I choose my sister wives ( you know who you are ) . Somehow , I was the only woman on earth who had never watched Sex and the City ( except for one episode I saw once in the waiting room when I went to the gay / lesbian health clinic ) . And my sister had the whole series on DVD . This was when we were living on the bedroom level of our home - no kitchen , just us in less than 600 sq ft existing of 2 bedrooms and a bathroom with a baby and four pets . I would just sit in the chair and nurse and watch Sex and the City . And it made things OK . Bourdain - No Reservations - again , the DVR made me love you . I had seen it and liked it but never would have remembered to seek it out at particular times . Now I can see him pretty much whenever I want . That damn dog grooming reality show that Cali made us watch - we think this is some of the worst TV ever , especially Jai from Queer Eye delivering those TERRIBLE dog puns week after week . And yet … I keep turning it on in order to torment Wes . And then he got a letter asking him to donate a dog bed to some event where Jorge from this ridiculous show will be the guest . Please don 't tell me what 's happened for the last 3 weeks or so . We have them freaking DVR ' ed . I can 't believe I admitted that . It drives like a dream ( moms in my group who tested it called it the Ferrari of strollers compared to theirs ) and is nice - looking and functional and extremely cozy ( once we got into the big boy seat ) . He loves being in it and falls asleep every time . Perfect . BUT I would not pick it if I had it to do again . We wanted a stroller that took a bassinet , a car seat and a regular toddler seat . We didn 't need the bassinet . He HATED the bassinet . He hated the car seat , too , of course , but not the way he HATED the bassinet . We used it TWICE . Now the cat sleeps in it . I would have purchased the stroller we are now going to get as our lightweight , travel stroller ( the Quinny Zapp ) . It can take a car seat and that would have been fine for the infant days . And it weighs 12 pounds , which is half what ours weighs . And it folds down to nothing . BUT when we were picking strollers , the car seat that goes with the lightweight wasn 't approved for the US yet . So I couldn 't have it . And I thought I wanted a bassinet . I thought it would be so cute to have a little swaddly baby in there . I thought he would sleep in it all the time . HA . He is right . I never would have won the fight . The Toddler FunSeat wins . It goes on our stroller once Beck is big enough . It has a little fake steering wheel and the most gigantic basket ever . It really is so adorable that Wes once had all the sales guys at Buy . Buy . Baby gathered around the Internet oohing and aaahing at it with him . Posted on February 9 , 2007 by Briar Reply Wes and I have been debating the relative merits of the various ridiculously expensive strolles for many , many years now . We had thought it was a simple debate between the Bugaboo and the Stokke Xplory . The first two rounds of in - person exploration of the two landed us firmly in the Bug camp . There were times we thought that the decision had really been firmly made . We thought the Xplory was too plasticky the first time we saw it . The second time , when I was pregnant with the penguin , we thought that the mechanism for taking off the bassinet was too difficult . A green Bug , we decided . We were seemingly done . But time is a funny thing , and TK has taken a damn long time to be made . We have changed our minds a zillion times . We have explored more stroller websites than seems natural . We have read more daddytypes posts about strollers than could posisbly be good for us . And now we can 't decide again . Seriously . The other morning I went in to work late when I was feeling sick . It was 10 am and I was at the corner of my street and I looked around while waiting for the light to change . I spotted 7 strollers from where I stood and 4 of them were Bugs . I am not completely thrilled with following the herd , but when a product is good , people buy it . I could get over this . Wes , though , would really like to be different . He will go with the Bug if we really decide it is the BEST but if there is an alternative that is just as good , it might win on just not being the Bug . So . Mutsy came onto the scene because it is suddenly available in the U . S . More specifically , it is now at Buy B * y B * by ( ie , the big , scary baby store ) , where we can compare the three front runners . These are up for consideration because they can all hold a bassinet , a seat , or a carseat - that 's our standard . They are all damn heavy and will be too much for me to carry down stairs to a subway alone ( though we could handle it together ) , so we are aware that we will eventually need a cheap umbrella stroller . But a very large percentage of my time is spent in my neighborhood walking , and we want one of these fabulous strollers mostly for that . So we went for more research at the big , scary baby store . We got demos tonight in the Mutsy and the Xplory and learned that the Xplory isn 't really hard to take apart - we just had a bad salesperson at the last store where we saw it . The folding mechanism on the Mutsy is about a zillion times easier than either the Bug or the Xplory , and that 's a really nice feature . Both of them are higher up than the Bug , which we really like . The Xplory 's wheel base is a tiny bit narrower than the other two , though not by a lot . Mutsy has more accessories and fun things , like stands to make the seat into a bouncer or standalone bassinet , and a special toddler fun seat with steering wheel that looks awesome . The Mutsy and the Xplory have non - air - filled tires , which means not having to pump them up and not worrying about popping them . Wes ' problem with the Mutsy is that it looks a lot like the Bugaboo and he doesn 't want anyone to think that he has a Bugaboo " knock - off . " The Mutsy price tag is still extremely high ( though a couple hundred less than the other two ) and that alone makes it no knock - off in my opinion . Plus , stroller conoisseurs will know that it is a new and special thing . People will start to recognize it as they have the Quinny strollers ( still not available in the U . S . and not adaptable with U . S . carseats - otherwise we would be investigating them ) . I would almost venture to say that we are now deciding between the Mutsy and the Xplory . But the Bugaboo has a way of winning us back every so often so I can 't say that yet . We have such a very long time to go , still . Follow Us ! Error : Twitter did not respond . Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page . Who Wants to KnowAn error has occurred ; the feed is probably down . Try again later .
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Sometimes things happen that makes one wonder if fate is conspiring against a trip . April 16 dawned , a lovely day in MD and perfect for a flight . Our shuttle to the airport arrived at our home exactly on time and we learned we would be the only passengers - our private airport limo in van form - how good is that ! ? On the way to the airport I noticed the driver moving to the lane that would take us north on I95 . Strange , since our airport was south . Uh - oh , the driver had the wrong airport , he was taking us to BWI rather than DCA . I had him pull over and found the dispatcher gave him the wrong info . I thought the fare was awfully low for a ride to DCA , but who was I to argue ? We worked it out and turned to the south . All was well , or so I thought , innocent of knowledge of what fate had in store . Had I known . . . . well , who knows . We get to DCA and our flight is on time . We were flying FF miles with AA and the first leg was to Paris via Chicago . We were to get to CDG the next morning at 9 and then a day and dinner in Paris , maybe an evening bateaux on the river before our early morning train to Avignon . I had it all planned out - it sounds good , right ? Arriving at the airport with plenty of time to spare - I had built in extra time just in case , things still looked good other than DW losing her boarding pass somewhere between security and the gate . At the gate , things still looked good , The agent said there would be no problem about the lost boarding pass - she would just issue another . The flight was still on time , that is , until it was not . The AA agents developed a look of concern with lots of hush hush serious talk among themselves and shaking of heads . Finally , when it was well past the time for the flight to leave , we , the assembled passengers , were told there was some sort of computer glitch that would delay boarding , and indeed there was . I called my son who told us that AA 's computers were down throughout the US if not the world . The agents were professional and tried to figure out work - arounds so we could at least board and be ready when they got the go ahead , . They made a passenger list the old fashioned way , with pen on paper and we boarded awaiting the " starting gun " and watched our once ample 3 hour connection time tick away . After about 40 minutes we were told that we would have to de - plane and wait in the boarding area . Amid groans and maybe a few curses we started to leave the plane only to have the Captain announce that MIRACLE he has a window to leave and stay on the plane . Those who had already left were gathered up and reseated and the flight attendants made four or five trips up and down the aisles trying to reconcile the hand written passenger lists with those on board , and of course at least one person was missing . Our departure window passed , or maybe it was never even there and after another half hour , we were told to de - plane once again and did . Would we get to Chicago that day ? Would we get to Paris the next morning ? Would we have our planned grand dinner in Paris the following evening ? Could we re - route ? I called AA and was told they were overwhelmed with calls and would call me back in an hour and fifteen minutes . Oh my , basie ! I sent you an email which bounced back because it was to your work edress . I asked how you and DW were doing and said how we missed you at the DC GTG . Very glad to read that you were on the road ! Looking forward to your TR and hope things improved . Thanks for the kind words VC and kja . TD , there was a GTG ? Since the one at Santa 's place ? Darn , I like those things . annhig , it does get better , but not for awhile since . . . . It is not encouraging when the Captain , FAs , and gate agents all admit that they have no clue as to what is going on other than " a computer problem . " We were told to get back on the plane and the FAs went through the manual count again a half dozen times and then we were told to deplane once again - this time for real . An hour and a quarter passed and true to their word , AA called back . At the same time we were told to get back on the plane and I told that to the folks at AA - it was news to them , but they said if the flight gets off to Chicago , chances are that our connecting flight was delayed as well so it should be OK . This time , the flight took off and arrived in ORD well after the departure time for our connecting flight . It seems that while we ere in the air , they made progress on the computer problem so that when we got to ORD , our flight to CDG was gone . The transfer desk told us that while we were in the air , they booked us on a much later flight to London where we were to change to a BA flight to Paris getting us there in the evening , around time for dinner . Well , that is something at least a dinner in Paris . I asked about luggage and they said there was plenty of time to make the transfer , which there was . Yeah , sure ! Well , we made it to Paris after all and after the usual hassle of changing terminals at Heathrow , going through security again and such . We went down to the luggage carousel and after awhile , my bag came along . DW 's however , did not . That seemed to be a pattern - lots of people received half of what was checked . By that time DW was ready to give it up and would have returned home if there were flights then and there , or so she said . Know that this was not the first time AA did this to us - we were once 3 . 5 days in January in Verona before our luggage could be delivered . annhig , thanks for the thought , but there is nothing altruistic about it - I just don 't need the aggravation . Now we had a decision point . The nice luggage lady , who we were to become old pals with before the evening was out , said that most likely DW 's bag would be on the next flight from London due to arrive just after 9PM . The problem was that is about the time the guy who delivers late luggage to hotels goes of duty , so it was entirely possible we would not get it that night . Since we were booked on an early morning train to Avignon and then a drive to St Remy , it did not bode well - the best choice would be to hang around the terminal for yet more hours in the hope that the bag would arrive . Our dinner in Paris was a couple of Cliff bars that I had in my carry on . Chocolate mint - they were tasty , but just not the same . what a let down ! I 'm glad that your non - altruism was not put to the test any further . << Next : A midnight Parisian " dinner " and a weird hotel . >> We chose the Helvetia Hotel mainly because it was very close to the Gare de Lyon where we had a morning train and frankly , since it was for only one night , inexpensive at 90 Euros , keeping in mind we were embarking on a month long journey . Reviews were decent , describing it as basic but clean and an OK place to stay to catch an early train . Our email contacts were promising . The hotel was pretty much as described - i . e . basic and clean and very close to the station . A bonus was that it turned out to be about a half block from where the Air France bus stopped . The room was small as expected and reasonably clean but not " white glove . " The shower was OK and it seemed to have double or triple glazing so traffic noise was kept in check as long as the windows were closed of course . What the hotel is not is a place where one can easily exit the elevator to get to the room . The elevator is the common 2 people and one suitcase size but it is what happens when the doors open that makes it unique . This elevator is designed to let you off between the floors - really ! For example , it will let you off in the same place whether on the 4th or 5th floor - same deal for other floors . How does it do that ? the floors are connected with a tightly circular staircase , the kind where the stairs are very narrow at one end , sort of a V shaped tread . The doors open to the middle of the staircase on the narrowest end of the stair . It is quite a struggle to get off the elevator and to your floor either up or down even with the smallest of luggage . The staff was pleasant though . At that time of night , there were places open to eat , but we opted for the Lebanese fast food place adjacent to the hotel because we were exhausted by that time and just wanted to get something to eat and get to sleep . That was a mistake . Let me just say that it would have been better to go hungry . Morning dawned and a night 's sleep of the dead and shower gave us a fresh start on the trip and new perspective even though we had lost our only day in Paris . We managed to get our luggage down in only three trips and without developing a hernia on the stairs or falling down to the next floor and had a a typical train station breakfast that was not bad at all . The train to Avignon was comfortable , fast and scenic . The day was beautiful and as fellow fodorites promised , the car rental places were obvious and easy to find , really you can 't miss them . The fellow at EuropCar was helpful and we were put into a nearly new Renault Clio for our trip to St Remy for the real beginning of our trip . DW likes her electronics so we were traveling with 3 , count them , 3 GPSs . Actually it does make some sense in that our new Tom Tom was set up for Europe , our semi old Garmin was the only one that would take a card for Israel , and our ancient Garmin with a Europe map was supposed to be giving up the ghost according to the Garmin tech folks , but not so according to # 1 son who used to program communication satellites and knows about such things , so of course we had see who was right ( it was # 1 son ) . In St Remy we chose Hotel l ' Amendiere , a hotel just outside of town and said to be a 10 minute walk . We set up both the ancient Garmin and the new Tom Tom and were on our way in our very pleasant , slick shifting Renault Clio - a very nice smaller car . Both GPSs agreed on the route , that is until we were supposedly near the hotel and then did not agree at all . We followed each and after quite a bit of driving around the local area found the place - neither was quite right but our ancient Garmin came the closest . The hotel looked very nice , and it was . What a treat ! I haven 't been on fodors for a while & decided to check it out this morning . I 'm thoroughly enjoying your report and your style of writing . What a start to a month long sojourn ! I 'm hoping the worst is out of the way & it 's smooth sailing for you both . I will eagerly following your report as I 'll be in Provence next month AND staying at Hotel l ' Amendiere for 4 nights until I move into my rental . Hmmmm . . . . . 3 GPS 's ! Your DW sure does like her electronics . I just got a new Tom Tom for the trip . Sounds like I should have found an ancient Garmin on Ebay instead . For future reference - we never have his and her luggage . We split our things between our 2 bags , even when we do carry on only . That way , we each will have some clothes should that worst happen to one of the bags . We found our GPS to be less than reliable / useful on both of our rent trips to Provence , especially for villages . They were " ok " for the bigger roads , but a paper map was never far from our side . I can squeeze in a few more minutes while waiting for DW to get ready . Dee Dee , I think that you will like l ' Amendiere . We certainly did and the breakfast space , breakfasts , and gardens are especially nice . The only downside is that for us at least , the 10 minute walk to town was more like 15 + minutes ( but then we are not kids anymore ) and it is not an interesting route . When we it figured out , we much preferred the Tom Tom . The directions were far more clear than any Garmin we have owned but THAT was only when we figured out that Tom Tom has a worse than useless feature that lowers the voice volume when the car slows down . That means that when you are going slow looking for something or just slowing down for a turn , the voice pretty much cuts out . Once DW figured out the problem , she was able to turn the feature off and after that it worked very well . Be sure you do that too before you leave . We 'll be following this report , and hopefully it will get a smoother for you as you go on . Hope so . At least we know that you got back home safely ! To continue : Finally arriving at l ' Amendiere , we were struck by how nice a place it is . Our room was a nice size on the ground floor with an outdoor sitting area , the bath was of the type with separate shower and toilet and the shower room was quite nice . This time it was white glove clean . The public areas are attractive and as we were to find out , the breakfast was excellent . Parking is ample and gates are locked at night - you get a code to get in when locked . The free wi - fi worked . When I get through my pictures , I will post of the hotel and of St Remy . We cleaned up and walked into town . Although advertised as a ten minute walk , it took us at least 50 % longer , but then our stride and leg turnover has gone down over the years . The walk itself is not interesting and for the most part , bereft of shade . The estimated time is to the edge of town , not the center . Arriving in St Remy we had some mixed feelings . It looked as if it could be a very nice place , but when we were there , there was quite a bit of construction work at nearly every turn or so it seemed . Not heavy duty construction , but more like side walk and street repairs so there was a constant background noise of saws going through concrete and the such , especially in the center of the town around the fountain area . I guess they were getting ready for the tourist season and fixing things up . The day was quite warm and a good lunch was high on the agenda . We found what looked like a creperie near the square and found that the menu was more extensive than crepes and ordered some very nice salads that hit the spot . From there it was over to chez Nosterdamus , his boyhood home which was nearby our lunch place . According to the informational plaque , his grandfather was named St Remy and I assume the town took its name from that . Or not . Strolling around we found a number of quieter oases and interesting shops and ended up leaving the walled area to visit the TI office where we signed up for a walking tour for the next morning , although our plan for the next day included a visit to Arles . If you are there , there are some interesting shops near the TI office , one specializes in crystallized fruit - IMO having invested in some - when you see the prices you will know what I mean - they all taste about the same except for the passion fruit which is distinguished with numerous hard pits . There is also an olive place in the same courtyard and also the garden entrance of the restaurant where we had dinner . Returning into the town itself within the walls we sought out the quiet areas and browsed the shops until dinner time . At the restaurant we sat in the garden which was quite pretty . Service was VG and the food was good , but I would not say outstanding . We had the restaurant arrange for a taxi back to the hotel since our waitress said taxis would be hard to get on our own when we would need one . The taxi was not cheap , but by that time very welcome . He had some trouble finding the hotel as well , but did not charge for his search . Basingstroke : so far , great report . Love your style , and your adventures ! Hope it continues to get better and better . ( I mean the trip , not your style ) Basingstoke2 - thanks for the Tom Tom tip . You helped me avert a crisis as I don 't hear well to begin with . Today I found the " link volume to car speed " box and disabled it per your suggestion . Also , thank you for the additional comments re l ' Amandiere . I feel better about choosing it . I had read as well that it 's more than the stated 10 minute walk and not through an attractive area . As I 'm likely to have a glass of wine ( or two ) with dinner , I 'll sure to follow your example and take a cab back . Looking forward to the next installment . Moving on , the next morning came and it was cold - too cold to eat out on the patio but the breakfast room at l ' Amendiere is lovely so that was fine . As mentioned , the breakfast is excellent . The TI called about the walking tour and since there was not the requisite 10 people signed up - we were the only ones - it was cancelled so we decided to spend the entire day in Arles and were glad that we did . It was a very pleasant ride between St Remy and Arles and arriving at Arles we saw a bus Parking sign . Figuring regular parking would also be nearby we went toward that but did not see any . We parked along the street and asked a passerby where parking might be and were told we could park right all day where we were for free . That seemed too good to be true so I asked a few others and true it was . Walking through the gate in the wall we passed into a different world and a few minutes walk took us to the Roman Arena which we visited . It was a cold and windy day with occasional showers early on but those did not put a damper on the day . We spent the day wandering , seeing the requisite sites including some of those associated with Van Gogh - a cottage industry there , looking in shops and buying a few lavender products that are ubiquitous in the region . A good lunch in one of cafes lining the boulevard near the TI office added to the day . At the TI office we arranged for a private walking tour of the city . I do not recall the exact price but it was reasonable and that is from the perspective of this cheap s . o . b . The guide took us to areas of Arles that we would not have thought of visiting on our own and was well worth the cost . Along the way she showed us a couple of restaurants that she frequented herself , but after she left , we were not able to find them again being naturally directionally challenged . As night fell , we passed a restaurant that seemed ok and it was pretty good , so that ended a good although cold blustery day in Arles . We like Arles and would consider staying there as a base as we did St Remy . It is largReport Abuse I am eagerly reading your trip report because we leave for France on Thursday . Our daughter is getting married in France ; then we will spend 5 days sighstseeing around the Provence region ; We will stay in Aix with our daughter , who has to work , but we have rented a car & will take day trips from Aix . We plan to go to Avignon , St . Remy , Arles , Cassis & a few other places . is this your first trip to provence ? What was your favorite town / city ? Congratulations Kwoo ! We did like St Remy but the construction detracted from the experience . As mentioned , Arles was interesting and fun . We did not go to Avignon other than to pick up the car and did not go to Aix . We did visit Gordes and Rousillon and very much liked both , particularly Rousillon . We spent two nights in Vence which was great and also visited St Paul de Vence which is nearby . Between the two , Vence was more to our tastes . It is a market town where St Paul de Vence seemed more geared to tourists , but both are worth a visit . And yes , it was our first trip to Provence . While in St Remy , you may want to take a side trip to Les Baux de Provence which is a segue into the next part of this TR . The next morning we awoke to rain , cold and wind . Our plan for the day was to visit Les Baux , a tourist oriented town very near St Remy but one that every one we met on this trip said not to miss . The drive up there , and the key word is " up " was beautiful despite the rain . We parked in one of the lower paid lots and walked up to town . It really is a striking place complete with castle ruins at the peak . Outside of the castle there are demonstrations of old seige weapons , jousting and such . The strong winds , cold and rain did not stop a fair crowd from watching and the kids in the group seemed to have fun . We watched briefly - btw , entrance to the castle ruins is by ticket and there is an informative audio guide available . If you go , spring for it . The castle ruins are detailed in the audio guide and IMO are worth the visit . Do you remember the scene in Mary Poppins where she is flying through the air holding an umbrella ? DW did her best to emulate that scene . During our brief look at the demonstration , a particularly strong gust caught her umbrella , and not being one to easily give up something of value , she was nearly lifted off of her feet , knocked off balance and landed on her bum on a low stone fence . It was a good laugh . On my part . Les Baux has lots of artsy shops , restaurants and such and I can understand its popularity . We found a nice tea shop for a light lunch and sat watching the windows fog up . Shortly after entering Les Baux on its main drag , you will see a scenic overlook on your right . Walking to that spot you will see a few shops on a short street . One is the tea shop and I recommend it . It was warm , cozy and the light lunch was good . Les Baux has fabulous views . Let us go back some years . Many years . To be precise , to 1959 . At that time , I was playing French Horn in a woodwind quintet and we had the opportunity to play on New York 's WNYC , then , a classical station . The music that we chose was " La Chimenee du Roi Rene " aka the Chimney of King Rene by Darius Milhaud . It is a charming number . Here iKing Rene piqued my interest and I had done some reading about the good king . When I learned that one of his castles was nearby in a town called Tarascon , I had to go visit the chimneys myself . So that is how we spent our last afternoon in the St Remy area . The rains had cleared and the 15th century castle was everything I could have wished for . It is largely intact or restored and takes several hours to explore and appreciate . There is some especially interesting nautical graffiti etched into some cell walls by seafaring prisoners . The views from the top makes the long climb up worthwhile . It is a site that I recommend . Don 't expect furnishings or decor , this castle is bare stone rooms - lots of them and no two the same . After visiting the castle , there is an interesting old cathedral dedicated to St Martha and containing relics across the way . We returned to St Remy after dark and the town had a very different character with hardly anyone on the streets and silence to match . We found a very nice and well priced restaurant with a Van Gogh theme down one of the alleys - I will try to find the name in looking through my photos or at least directions to find it . Really enjoying this , basie ! I 've mentioned in other threads that JR and I sat at a cafe with a view of the one Van G painted at night . Great town . We based in Montpellier for our side of Arles . The GTG was at Al Dente at 3201 New Mexico Ave NW Our next two nights were to be in Vence where we would stay at the Auberge des Seigneurs d ' Or . The weather cleared up for a perfect day and for the first time we saw Provence in the light it is famous for . Our plan was to drive to Vence with stops at Gordes and Roussillon . The drive to Gordes was scenic and the town makes a wonderful impression with its golden buildings bathed in the morning sun and beautiful views of the valley below and steep streets . After about an hour 's visit we headed out to Roussillon and it was also a very scenic drive . Entering Roussillon we saw public parking immediately but a look at the map showed we still had to drive up the hill to the town center where the public parking was beginning to fill up , but we quickly found a place . Roussillon is striking with its Ochre colored hills and buildings and appeared to be a more popular tourist destination than Gordes , but that did not detract in the least from the ambiance of the place . The views were beautiful there as well , accented by the ochre and yellow coloration of the surrounding cliffs . Eye candy would be a good description . There were plenty of restaurants there , some with great views but we settled on some ice cream to fortify us for our drive to Vence . The drive there started out promising from a scenic point of view , but then went through some nondescript towns before we reached the highway , which was a pleasant enough drive although we found that our Andrews chip card did not work at the tolls but cash did . To reach Vence our GPS had us leaving the highway at Nice and driving through a bit of the city and then up into the hills . We reached Vence easily enough but the GPS was stumped as far as getting us to our hotel , or to be more precise to the parking lot that the hotel recommended and that we had programmed into the gadget . We did a fair amount of driving about , being led onto a street or two where a car does not belong from a room to pass through point of view . We finally stopped in a lot outside the walls with the thought ofNext : Tourist town vs Market town and goodbye to Provence Lovely , lovely photos . Thanks for sharing . I 'm looking forward to your adventures in Israel . We spent two days there , on a cruise , alas not enough time . Thank you Treesa and VirginiaC , I am working on organizing the rest of the Provence photos and will post them later today . One reason we went to Provence , other than it was a new place for us was that we just did not feel like sitting in a plane all of the way to Israel . This way , spending time in Provence allowed us to arrive in Israel jet lag free and it was only a 3 . 5 hour flight from Nice . I see you mentioned that your Andrew Chip and Pin card did not work at the tolls . Did you use it other places ? Did it work any place else ( or not work any place else ? ) . Mine just arrived in the mail last week and I was so hopeful it would be useful . No ? We really would have liked more time in Vence . With the time that we had we did some exploration up and down some quaint alleyways , visited some shops and contributed to the town 's economy , visited the church to see the Chagall mosaic and visited the church designed by Matisse . That was in the morning and early afternoon . The Chagall mosaic of Moses drawn from the waters should be in one of the above photo sets as should be the church . DW and I both thought it interesting that Chagall chose a seminal Old Testament event for the mosaic . The walk to the Matisse church took about 20 minutes from the center of town . The church does not look like much from the outside although the terrace in back is very lovely . Inside , it is a small Matisse museum in addition to the worship space . After a forgettable lunch at a popular sidewalk cafe we drove to St Paul de Vence , a drive that takes about 10 minutes . Parking was not hard to find and we set off on foot to explore . St Paul de Vence is tourist central for the area with the requisite shops , many catering the well heeled among us . If you keep walking on the often crowded main pedestrian street you will eventually be rewarded when you come to its end at a scenic outlook where you can see all the way to the Mediterranean . The street itself is paved with small stones in repeating sunburst pattern . We had a tasty dinner at a place called Andrea 's which is not on the main pedestrian street but on the lower promenade with a beautiful view of the valley . Of the two , we both preferred Vence , the lovely market town to its all too precious sister St Paul de Vence . Returning to Vence , we packed and prepared to say goodbye to this entertaining and beautiful town and to our hosts at the Auberge . Our hotel was delightful and because of its position in town makes you one with the historical area - I highly recommend it . The hotel restaurant is considered one of the best in town . Too bad we were there on the days it was closed . Comes the morning and we pack up the Renault Clio - I loved that car - and drove to Nice airport or as Charley chided me the " Nice Cote d ' Azur Airport . Charley is an interesting fellow , even though married to a French woman and helping run a French hotel , he does not speak French as well as I do , that is , Pimsleur lesson 6 level . But , he is a friendly and helpful fellow and takes an interest in the comfort and convenience of his guests . We both liked Charley , but I think he misses California . We did not have to fill the tank of the Clio because this time I bought the full tank deal , something I never do . At the time of rental I did not know about passing a gas station on the route to the airport . As it turned out , there is a station just outside of Vence that one must pass but it turned out to be a good decision . The price I payed for the return the car empty option was not more than I would have payed there for a tank of gas and bring it back empty I did - well , darn near empty anyway . That was a lot of driving done on just one tank of gas - a good car the Clio . Besides , it was downhill almost all of the way to the airport , I could almost have coasted there . We returned the car and walked the short distance to the terminal . I should have mentioned that when we tried to pre check in the day before , it would not work . I kept getting a message that we could not check in because of our baggage . Huh ! ! How does Air France know if we even have any ? I made sure we were first when the check in desk opened and it was a good thing that there were several because we were there a good half hour . First , they could not find our reservation , even using both our file number and ticket numbers . Then , when they found it , they claimed that we would have to pay to check our bags - about $ 100 each . I pointed out on the confirmation that I had with me the words " one free " under baggage . I also pointed out that I had confirmed that we get a free bag each when I purchased the ticket . We bought the ticket from Air France but it was issued by their partner Delta who sent the original confirmation . I made sure to call Air France at the time and get a confirmation from them as well and it was a good thing since the file numbers differ and the Air France desk at Nice did not recognize the Delta file number . In any case , both confirmations had the magic one free bag words . Air France claimed it was a mistake because the low fare that we paid did not qualify for free luggage and the code on our boarding pass confirmed that . However , I noted that the words in English on both confirmations trumped a code known only to Air France and after consultations with supervisors and several phone calls they relented and let our bags pass sans payment . The flight to Tel Aviv was without incident - they even had the special meal ordered for DW . Considering at the airport they did not even think we had a ticket , that was a surprise . The only negative , and that was no fault of the airline , is that the guy in front of me reclined his seat and kept scratching his head , stray flakes drifting into my drink . Yuk . well done with winning your battle with Air France , bastingstoke . do you remember the thread of the fodorite who had her ticket downgraded at last minute ? their customer service certainly does need some attendtion ! That Air France " discussion " was an open ended one . There was still the question of what happens on the way back . It gave me something to work on while in Israel . We arrived at BG airport in the early evening descending through a yellow haze , picked up our now free luggage and went to the try harder place to get our rental car . I had to keep in mind that this was the first day the airport had been open since the strike was settled and they might still be shorthanded . The try harder desk was a mob scene but hey , we belong to the Wizard club so could go to the special window , except there was no one there . In fact , there seemed to be only one person working that is , there were more than one person behind the counter but only one was working with customers and he was not a happy camper . Customers were irritated and cranky . Finally getting my turn at the counter , I signed for my car . In the meantime , DW was trying to get her SIM , supposedly one that would work in Israel , to work without success . She needed to call Yosi , the guy who was to meet us with the key to our apartment to let him know we would be somewhat late . Finally she gave up and went to the TI counter where the nice lady also could not get her phone to work but called Yosi on her own cell . Contract in hand , we found our way to the car pick up place - quite conveniently located in fact , to await the group 4 chariot that would take us to our studio apartment in Netanya . We were brought a Mazda 2 that in addition to being unwashed - perhaps never washed , looked like it was purchased used from the rent a wreck people . Looking around , it did not seem as others were faring better and since the car was running , we packed in and left . The drive to Netanya was not difficult and our GPS worked well ( this was to be an aberation ) . I was amazed at the difference in the road system since we were last there some 37 years ago . What had been some simple 2 laners now rivaled the best the interstate system had to offer . Passing Tel Aviv we were impressed with how it had grown into a BIG city . We also quickly had our first experience with the modern Israeli driver , who drives one hand on wheel and one hand on horn . Sadly , this was to be a theme . Yosi was there waiting and we unloaded our luggage and I parked in the unpaved lot across the road . The building looked ok and there was a 24 hour convenience store with an entrance from the building lobby . The building was the Carmel Residence Hotel . Yosi introduced us to our studio that was to be home for the next 3 nights and it was OK . We went down to the store to pick up some overpriced supplies for breakfast and such , opened our window and were greeted with the sound of surf , a welcome sound . Although dark , we could make out the ocean . Getting on with this decidedly non European part of the trip , we awoke to the sound of surf and sure enough , we had a wonderful view of the sea from our window . The building of our studio is on Netanya 's seafront promenade , however the nearest beach area is about a 5 - 10 minute walk - still , very nice . Our intention was to use Netanya as base and it worked well for that . We spent the morning walking on the promenade along the sea . Perfect . What would one want for lunch on their first day in Israel ? Falafel of course , so we were off to try to find just the right place and we did just that . After driving around somewhat blindly , we found a small market area ( it was around the corner from police headquarters in case anyone else wants to find it ) . Small market places often have the best falafel and we saw a very small restaurant - 2 tables inside and another 2 outside , that seemed to be the homemade falafel place we were seeking since all of the fixin 's that can make falafel a culinary adventure were there on display . The elderly lady who ran the restaurant and did the cooking spoke no English . I mentioned that I had spent considerable time in Israel some 37 years ago and at that time I became fairly comfortable with the language but except for one occasion in Antwerp of all places , did not have an opportunity to speak it during all of that time . I did study up with some CDs for a bit before the trip and it began to come back . This , at the falafel stand was my opportunity to see how much , if any , useful Hebrew I remembered and I surprised myself as it came flooding back after all those years . DW and I chose one of the outside tables with our loaded falafel - it also came with a gratis plate of various pickles , olives and two types of eggplant . Just as we started in , a British gentleman came up to the counter but speaking only English , was unable to order - the restaurant did have other items written on a board and he had no idea what he was looking at . He was about to leave unfed when confident of my new found linguistic skills , I offered to help and he ended up with the meal that he wanted . I must say that I felt very good about myself at that moment and was most likely insufferable for awhile . That by the way was the best falafel I have ever had or will have had on the rest of the trip . That evening we were to visit for the first time one of DW 's new found first cousins . They lived in Kadima , a town not far from Netanya . Our GPS got us to the town , but could not find the address . I parked and asked DW to call them and again , the phone would not work , that after she had spent an hour with the tru - phone technical help earlier that day . Not to worry said I . Across from where we parked there was a large empty lot and there was a block party going on with a big bon fire - a custom of the holiday of Lag B ' Omer that was coming up in a couple of days . I asked around for help and found a fellow willing to use his own cell phone to call DW 's cousin - it turned out the fellow spoke English pretty well too . Her cousin came , together with her husband , son and son 's wife , so we got 4 new relatives for the price of one . That was wonderful . From there we all went to dinner at a very nice place were on the advice of Ari , DW cousin 's DH we all ordered the smoked eggplant dish and it was delicious . I washed mine down with Beera Sh - chora as did Ari and Ron , his son . That is a non alcoholic black malt beer that is very tasty and a great companion for smoked eggplant . Ari is ( or was ) a professional volleyball coach and at one time was a member of the Israel national team . Everyone spoke some English and we had a fantastic evening . Quite a trip ! BTW , the GTG was organized by the slow travel group , which seemed to overlap with many of the usual dc fodorite suspects . I didn 't go to the GTG but I think you have to stay longer than overnight in Paris to be considered a slow traveler . You need to organize a fast travel GTG . A few photos taken in Netanya . The first is the view from our studio window , the second a home that we found interesting and attractive , # 3 a sabra plant . Native born Israelis are called Sabras . The fruit is tough and prickly on the outside and sweet on the inside . The symbolism seems to fit - at least the first part . # 4 is a view from the promenade and # 5 is a Netanya beach . I can 't really say we were taken with Netanya , it is not really our kind of place , we prefer smaller and less crowded towns . The architecture there is nothing special , the beaches being the main attraction . http : / / www . flickr . com / photos / basingstoke2 / sets / 72157633773224011 / Moving on , we had planned to visit some of my family members in Jerusalem during the time we were in that city but at the last minute found that most would be out of town during the time we would be there , so we decided to drive to Jerusalem and see them leaving from Netanya . My cousin in Jerusalem is one of the ultra orthodox families there . He is American by birth and went to Israel in the mid fifties to work on building the Hadassah Hospital - he is a civil engineer as well as an ordained orthodox rabbi . He met a young lady there , married and never came back . He is about 80 now and has perhaps 100 descendents - perhaps more . An interesting guy , he is also an archeologist and was deeply involved in the digs and discoveries at the Western Wall . He lives in the Sanhedria section of Jerusalem . I donned the uniform of the day for the trip - black pants , white long sleeved shirt , black yarmulka . I was unable to grow a beard in time , so still most likely stood out from the male crowd . We had a nice visit avoiding the controversial topics of politics and religion . The drive up to Jerusalem took about an hour and a half on modern roads - a far cry from what I had experienced 37 years ago . The road we were on , Highway 6 , was an electronic toll road and since I was driving a rental car , did not know how I would pay the toll and what the fine for non payment would be . I found out later that our rental car would bill me for the tolls plus a one time service charge of 15 shekels - about $ 4 good for the entire rental period . We have yet to receive the bill , so I will wait and see what it actually is . On the way back to Netanya , our car started to make a loud sound from one of the wheels sounding not unlike a flat tire . I pulled over but all of the tires seemed alright . I did notice at that time that the try harder car agency had all of the wheel covers attached to the wheels with nylon cable ties which would have made changing a tire an interesting proposition . We limped back to Netanya with the noise continuing - it was related to the wheel speed - and called the agency when we got there , it was already fairly late at night . The mechanic came out and said I should arrange to trade in the car in the AM - the Netanya office would open at 8 AM but I should wait until 10 so my car would be prepared which is what I did , but when arriving at the Netanya office of try harder , there were no cars available . They made a few calls and said there would be a car waiting for me in Hadera , about 15 minutes away . NOTE for all those visiting Israel . When asking how long it takes to get to a place , the answer will invariably be " 15 " minutes . Continuing with the TR , after picking up the exchange car in Hadera we found our way to Ceasarea . Wow , has that place changed since we were last there ! Paying our admission fee we walked in , marveling at the changes and since it was a good time for lunch , stopped at one of the restaurants that cluster around the sea . The one we chose is called ( I believe ) Port of Call . We found a table with a great view and ordered Mezza - an assortment of middle eastern salads - for two and it was very good . I have a link to photos below and the ones showing the boat beached in front of a building and the one of the beach were taken from our table . Finishing lunch we were off to explore . In the photo with the boat , the building behind has a small interactive museum and an informative movie about the history of the city . Both very worthwhile . Ceasarea was built by Herod and was quite the place in its time and one of the key ports of the Mediterranean . It has a Roman theater and a chariot racing course . There is lots to see for archeology buffs as well as folks who just like beautiful places with nice shops and restaurants . I was told that admission is free after 5 or 6 PM so one might want to check on that . We went to see the Chariot course and Roman theater as well as some interesting mosaic floors , all in the photos . One goes through a gate to get there - that is key . I guess there was a sign about the hours of that part of the ruins but we did not notice as did lots of others . After a couple of hours exploring , we walked back to the gate and it was locked . We remembered another gate at the other end , quite a good walk , and it was locked too . We were locked in , as were about a dozen others . We formed a " band of brothers " and together looked for a way out . Standing at the gate and shouting was useless . Several of the thin folk who did not mind getting dirty were able to wiggle under the fence . The rest of us explored and we finally found a place along the sea where we could climb over rocks leading to a low stone fence to climb over , and then we were out . For awhile some of us were thinking that spending the night would not be very pleasant . We planned a full week in Zichron Yaakov , a charming town towards the north of Israel but south of Haifa . Several major highways pass nearby making it a convenient jump off point for exploration . Our stay was at a place called Holiday house by the Nature Reserve . It is an apartment semi attached to a private home that the owner built for her mother ( in law ? ) who later decided she wanted something larger , so this became a holiday rental apartment . It has its own private entrance and is sufficiently separated from the main house so that one has a feeling of privacy . It backs to the nature reserve and is on a residential street that would be about a 15 minute walk ( see , I 'm doing it too ) to the part of town where the shops begin . The bath has a rather unusual folding shower arrangement that actually works quite well and is efficient and comfortable . There are ceiling fans in both rooms as well as AC and both rooms have a flat screen TV . Altogether , a pleasant and comfortable set up . We were greeted by a large bowl of assorted fruit on arrival , and that was a good thing because it was Friday evening and we were concerned about finding a restaurant that was open . Driving up into town we saw that everything was closed as we expected but a little more driving to the center of town we found a long pedestrian street lined with restaurants that were very busy , so all was well . For some unknown reason , we chose Chinese but it was pretty decent . Stomachs full , we stopped at an ice cream shop and bought a 1 / 2 liter since we were expecting another of DWs new cousins , the one who lives on a kibbutz , to visit . She turned out to be a terrific guide to Northern Israel and with her we visited the Golan Heights , almost Syria , a boutique chocolate factory , Hula Lake , Utopia , and a number of other places . We visited on our own Zfat , her kibbutz Ein Dor , and spent some good time in Zichron seeing two museums , the Carmel Winery and had lots of fun and good shopping on the pedestrian area . I will try to roll some of our week in Zichron into one post , perhaps not in order . The day following our arrival in Zichron , DW 's kibbutznik new cousin came over to visit . We went over to the pedestrian area for lunch , each having St . Peter 's fish that was very , very good - a treat for all . I washed it down with a new favorite drink , a lemonade slush with a base of chopped mint . After lunch we drove to a place new cousin suggested - one that is not really on the foreign tourist path - a place called Utopia Orchid Park located on Kibbutz Behar in the Sharon region of central Israel . If you are in Israel and a fan of orchids or enjoy flower photography , this is your place . The Orchids , some 20K of them are indoors in a climate controlled environment , there is an aviary there as well . Outside are formal rose gardens , dancing fountains , a maze , cactus gardens , etc . It is a very pleasant way to spend a day . I will bet most tourists do not even know the place exists . The next day we were on our own and took a trip to Zfat aka Safed , a city in the Galilee known as one of the holy and mystic cities of Judaism . Our trip there was an adventure , due mostly to a very confused GPS . Eventually we were on the correct road driving in the Galilee and passing many Arab villages along the way . What we did not consider is that it was the weekend of the holiday Lag B ' Omer , a holiday where it seems the entire ultra orthodox population of Israel makes a pilgrimage to the tomb of the sage Shimon bar Yochai on Mount Meron . We soon met a police roadblock diverting all of the traffic on the road into the parking area for the pilgrimage . The only problem with that is that we did not want to be pilgrims on Mt Meron , we wanted to be tourists in Zfat . Entering the parking area I gathered up what Hebrew I had in me that day and explained to the guard that we did not want to be here - we wanted to go to Zfat . He told me , and to my delight I understood , that the road to Zfat was closed and the best way to get there was to get on the road to TibeNext : On the Golan Heights - we experience war and peace in real time This all sounds wonderful ! I went right to the photos - - how nice to know a " native " ! After see them and reading about the orchid garden , I know you 'd enjoy the conservatory in Longwood Gardens . Off to google L ' cho Dodi , ba ' al tekia and shofa . More please ! For the meanings of the words , L ' cho Dodi means " come ( to me ) my beloved . " It is sung at the beginning of the Sabbath - the analogy is the Sabbath as a beloved bride . A shofar is a ram 's horn or horn of certain species of antelope that is sounded on Rosh Hashona - the Jewish New Year and Yom Kippur - the day of atonement . It can also be sounded at other times such as the beginning of the of the lunar month . The Ba ' al Tekia is the person who sounds the shofar . It literally means - Ba - al = lord or master and Tekia , which is what the long sound or blast ( there are several different sound patterns ) is called . Thus the literal meaning is master of the blast . Basing . . . I remember Zfat as very quiet , almost eerie . the artists had just begun to take it over at the time . 1979 . I 'm not sure I would be happy with the many changes in Israel compared to those days after the Yom Kippur war . But I ain 't going anyway . Those were the strange days when blue - plated Arab taxi drivers were far more friendly and polite than their Israeli counterparts , when you could hitch - hike with a certain amount of confidence . Our friend was a Tadiran ( big electronics ( ? ) company back then ) manager and had use of the company camper / truck . . . we went as far south as Sharm el Sheik ( just before the Egyptian takeover ) , as far north as the " good fence " st Metullah , and to the same vantage points overlooking Syria as you did . Ceasarea was very uncrowded then and we went on a holiday ( can 't remember which one ) picnic with some cousins , underneath the aqueduct . . and took a long walk on the beach . Branko includes a chapter on Israel during the first days of the War of Independence , 1948 . . with Ben Gurion , Weiszmann and a young Palmach cfficer , Yitzchak Rabin , in the cast of factual characters . Branko is the personal emissary of Harry Truman before U . S . recognition is officially given . Mighty heady days . Thanks for the info , basie ! The entire Wilmington Delaware area is a great vacation spot if one is interested in early American history and the du Ponts . Longwood especially for gardens , Winterthur ( say " Wintertur " ) for smaller gardens and best collection of non - factory - made American furniture around ; Hagley Museum to see their first home and learn much about gunpowder production ; and Nemours , a wonderful home that reminded me of Marjorie Meriweather Post house in DC . There are other places but those are the ones JR and I visited . Stay in the Hotel DuPont in Wilmington and drive to the places of interest . See a play in the evening in the hotel 's theatre . Sorry to hijack here but when I was in high school , our drama club saw ( that I can remember now ) : How to Succeed in Business ; Stop the World ; and Playboy of the Western World . Original Broadway cast leads . Now that was 40 - some years ago so I expect things have changed ! Treesa - that was one cooperative peacock ! What amazed me was how that shot came out - it is untouched , just as it came from my camera . I took several of him - there was a peahen nearby and he was showing off . You are certainly right about that TD - that area of Delaware is worth a detour . DD attended the U of Delaware so most of our visits up there were confined to the campus . Was Robert Morse the lead in How to Succeed ? I know he was in the movie . I first saw him on Broadway in Take Me Along . a play with a fantastic cast that included Jackie Gleason - Morse was a newcomer then . Back to the TR - A few other places we visited while in Zichron were Nazareth and Akko aka Acre . Our visit to Nazareth was limited to the Church of the Annunciation and although not Christian , it was a moving experience . The courtyard is filled with mosaic artwork , each panel contributed by a different country in their own artistic styles . Both the exterior and interior of the church are beautiful . While there we heard singing coming from the upper level and went up to see where it was coming from . There was an Asian - I think Korean - pilgrim group holding a service with their own clergy . We sat and listened and their passion was palpable . I also had a nice conversation with a monk about the annunciation and its meaning that put everything that I saw into perspective . Akko is an old crusader stronghold and has antiquities dating back to that time . There is a fortress wall along the sea . It is a place that we had been before so did not revisit many of the attractions , however our stay there was special . It was a Greek ( I believe ) Orthodox holy day which seemed to be the equivalent of Palm Sunday and there were crowds of people in their finery outside of the church and strolling about . The small children were dressed as for communion . But foodie that I am , the best part was the discovery of an amazing ice cream shop - I do not know the name but if you are ever in Akko , seek it out , it is near the Crusader Tunnels just off the parking lot . It is the only ice cream place there so you can 't miss it . What makes it so special ? The quality of the homemade ice cream in extraordinary flavors - cardamom , dates , fig , passion fruit , sesame , ( tasted them all ) and best of all , rose . The owner told me that he makes it all and uses only the freshest natural ingredients - the rose being made from fresh petals and not rose water . It was delicious and had a fabulous fragrance . We spent an entire day in the Golan Heights which is a spectacular area with even more spectacular views . One though was a sobering experience . DW 's cousin brought us to a scenic overlook and when we arrived we saw a Israeli news crew set up - interesting , we wondered what they were doing in that seemingly peaceful place . Our ears soon told us . Off in the distance we heard the constant sound of artillery and looking into the valley we could see the Syrian flag flying in the distance . Down below was the city of Qunitra and two UN peace keeping force camps . Other than the news crew , the overlook was idyllic with an elderly Druze gentleman selling apples and honey . Other than the sounds of artillery it seemed idyllic down below too , cars moving along the road , fields and farms , yet we knew that there were people suffering and most likely being killed within earshot . A sobering juxtaposition of war and peace . I think Robert Morse was original . That 's who we saw in Wilmington version . Yum for the ice creams , Basie ! It 's horrible to think about daily life having to include shooting in the background . Just to backtrack a bit , here are a few photos taken in Zfat , mostly in the artist colony section . You will also see a building showing the signs of war , those bullet holes date to the 1947 war . Lastly , you will see a mortar . That is called the " Davidka " and played a key role in the battle in 1947 . The Jewish defenders of Zfat were about to be attacked and had little in the way of effective weapons , however the Davidka made a very loud noise for its size , sounding like a heavy weapon . That sound discouraged the attacking armies and saved the day . There are some photos of the synagogue that I mentioned above . There are also a few of photos of Akko . Here is also a link to some photos taken in the Golan Heights . The Syrian flag is clearly seen . It is hard to believe that there are people dying down there as I took the pictures . Next are some photos taken at Megiddo - these are ruins of one of the most ancient and important cities that was inhabited from 7000 BC to 586 BC . Its location at a trade crossroads connecting Assyria to Egypt made it the scene of many battles in ancient times . According to prophecy , this is where the battle of the end of times will be fought . It is thought the place name Armageddon is derived from the Har ( mount ) Megiddo through its various Greek and other references . Here is also a link to Massada and a few photos taken around the Dead Sea . The story of Massada is a familiar one where the Sicari sect of Judaism escaped during the Jewish resistance to Rome . The mountain top of Massada had been the site of palaces and other structures built by Herod . Around 73 BCE the Romans completed their siege of Massada building a ramp to the mountain top . They found the 960 inhabitants had committed suicide rather than be taken into slavery . It was over 100F when we were there . We visited the Dead Sea near the Ein Gedi Nature Reserve . There it was 104F . DW took an calf high dip in the sea - I passed . Having been there before , I knew I did not like it . To me it feels like hot oil . There is a steep path going down with a steel railing . The railing is nearly useless since the the highly saline water has coated it with a brown oily substance . Lord help you if you get it on your clothing - it will only come out with difficulty if at all . The scenery around there is terrific . One can see the mountains of Jordan across the sea . Stupid ? ? ? Not at all . That is the power of such places and why we visit them again and again . I hope things are going well with you TD . After I finish the Jerusalem part , I think I will start a new thread on the this forum for the Switzerland and Lake Como part to bring back relevance to Europe . I have some interesting movies on these as well as photos but for some reason , Flikr will not accept the movies that I took with my Sony . Too bad . I have to figure that one out unless someone out there knows . Come to think of it , I 'll start a thread on that and see . In Jerusalem we stayed at the Eden Jerusalem Hotel in the Talpiot region of the city for five nights . I have mixed feelings about the hotel . The hotel itself was quite nice - basic but very clean rooms , large bath that doubled as a safe room shelter with a thick steel door and excellent breakfasts included in the very reasonable for Jerusalem price . The breakfasts were an assortment of middle eastern salads - very tasty , hard boiled eggs , cheeses and breads . There was a coffee machine that made pretty much any type of coffee one would want as well as chocolate . DW thought these were the best breakfasts of the trip and her being a semi - vegetarian I could see why . There was a lot there for her and it was all good . The downside of the hotel is its location . It is on a very nice residential street and is near several bus lines so that is good . However , if one wants to walk - well , when I asked how long a walk it would be to the Old City when making my reservation I got the standard " 15 minutes " reply . When we did it , it took nearly an hour although one could cut 10 - 15 minutes of uphill walking from that by entering the old city through the Zion Gate rather than the Jaffa Gate but we did not know that at the time . The walk is not particularly interesting and is along a heavily trafficked avenue with its attendant bus and truck fumes . After our first walk to the Old City , we drove . There is little of tourist interest within an easy walk . Parking on the street in front of the hotel was never a problem . We had spent significant time in Jerusalem in the early ' 70s just after the war and the growth of the city since then was amazing , yet the Old City stayed the same other than some additional security arrangements to approach the Western Wall . Arriving in the Old City we walked through the Suk and it hadn 't changed at all - still crowded , colorful and interesting . We ended up at the Western Wall and spent a fair amount of time there . My mom passed in September so the first thing I did was to say the traditional memorial prThe photo link below has views of the Western wall and tunnels . There are also general views of Jerusalem . If you are still with it , about halfway through is a photo of DW buying some scarves from a distinguished looking gentleman . He is the Muchtar ( secular leader ) of the Syrian Orthodox community in Jerusalem and a delightful person . We spent well over an hour in his shop just talking and learning about his community . If you are there and pass by a shop selling just scarves ( it is not on the main drag through the Suk ) and see him inside , drop in - you wont regret it . We actually visited his shop on our second day visiting the old city . It was a Syrian Orthodox holiday celebrating the Holy Fire and the Old City was closed to tourists until late in the afternoon . When we entered the Old City , we enjoyed parades of Palestinian scout groups and others carrying their own holy flames . " Our " Muchtar suggested a restaurant and we went there for dinner . The garden setting as seen in the photos was lovely and there were large groups celebrating the holiday . The group of about 30 at the next long table were served a whole sheep , head and all and dug in . Our own dinner was far less spectacular and in truth pretty average . I had a decent mixed grill and DW ordered a falafel platter that she had to send back - it was fried to golf ball consistency . They replaced it and the new platter was better , but not by much . I was very surprised that an upscale Arab restaurant with falafel on the menu would not do a better job with it . http : / / www . flickr . com / photos / basingstoke2 / sets / 72157634078303828 / We also visited the Old City one night when it takes on a very different atmosphere that we liked better . Walking the alleyways at night was atmospheric and set a mood and many of the shops and restaurants were open , but without the crowds . IMO one " feels " the Old City best at night . We felt perfectly safe at all times . For a late dinner , we ate at a place called Amigo Emil ( go figure ) and it was a very good traditional middle eastern restaurant and reasonably priced . I had a dish that looks like burritos . It is a chicken / sumac mixture wrapped in a flat bread and was delicious . Other places that we visited in Jerusalem were the Holocaust Museum Yad Vashem which was completely different from when we were there last and very moving as one would expect . The flow of Yad Vashem pulls you through the holocaust history in an informative and compelling way . A separate building is dedicated to the children who were lost . This is large pitch dark space with thousands of points of light reflected in mirrors . It takes some time to get used to the darkness . Names of children who were lost are intoned as one gropes one 's way through the space . It is very effective and one can 't help but be caught up emotionally in the experience . We also spent much of another day at the Israel museum , a museum of art and archeology that is beautifully done . We also spent a few hours of our Jerusalem stay seeking out the street where we stayed years before and true to the theme , it was completely different . When we were there , there were only 8 buildings and we had a view of fields and flocks of sheep . Now it is a fully developed large neighborhood with views of - - other buildings . One thing that remained though was the unusual monster slide that my then 3 year old son played on and remembers to this day . The slide is in one of the photos . On our last day in Jerusalem , which was also our final day in Israel , we decided to visit the Machane Yehuda outdoor market - photos below : http : / / www . flickr . com / photos / basingstoke2 / sets / 72157634073193961 / It was here that I payed the price of cumulative stupidity and carelessness . When I travel , I use a money belt and also divide cash and credit cards across several pockets for safety . However , somehow as I used a card I would carelessly ignore my own practice . The morning of visiting the market I went to the ATM to withdraw enough for the day 's expenses and the van to the airport the next morning . The ATM decided at that moment not to recognize my debit card so I borrowed the one DW carries from a different bank . That one did not work either . We saw another ATM across the street and that one worked fine . Not thinking I put her credit card in the same wallet as mine where over the past few days all of our credit cards except AMEX had carelessly migrated . I stupidly did not notice and put my wallet into its usual place in those pants - a place I thought pretty safe . It was a cargo pocket with a velcro flap . Off we went to the market . Arriving there we saw a juice stand and decided some refreshment would be nice and I pulled out the wallet and payed for the juice , replacing it in its usual place . Now when I travel , I look like a tourist and make no effort not too , which wouldn 't work anyway . So here I am , white baseball cap and camera in hand , speaking English with DW walking through this crowded market , jostling others and being jostled as well snapping away and being totally absorbed in the experience . Dear reader , look at those photos in the market - while taking one of them , my pocket was picked . I did not realize it until reaching to pay for a purchase and coming up with nothing . We left the market and spent the rest of the afternoon notifying the credit and debit card carriers and freezing accounts after which I went to the police station to file a report - an interesting experience in itself . The police were pleasant but grilled me as if I were applying for a security clearance . Luckily we only had one week in Europe to go and I still had my AMEX card , passports and a good stash of dollars in my money belt so we would be OK for the remainder of the trip . We cancelled our van to the airport since we could not pay the driver in local currency and just extended our car rental another day leaving at 4AM . Returning our car to the airport - something not in our original plans , turned out to be complicated . There were signs to the company that tries harder and we followed them to a little shed in a parking lot surrounded by other rental companies . What are you doing here ? ? the rep said as we entered . This is not where you return your car . Well , we followed the signs to rental returns and your name - that is what we are doing here I replied . This is the wrong place he shot back . Apparently the company that tries harder requires a special pass to enter their parking area at the terminal which is where the cars are to be returned notwithstanding the signs directing one elsewhere . The entrance to the return at the terminal btw does not have their name on it so how would one know . Even if we could find it , we could not enter since they did not give us the pass on renting the car - understandable since we were to return the car elsewhere , but still . . . . Oh darn it , Basie . Sorry about what happened . Wonderful pictures and how nice to do kaddish for your mom and to meet the Muchtar - - which leads me to ask how Syrian Orthodox differs . There is one set of photos that I forgot to post . We also visited Hula Lake . The photos have some interesting birds . Can anyone identify the very colorful ones in the first photo ? http : / / www . flickr . com / photos / basingstoke2 / sets / 72157634072472281 / Good grief what beautiful birds . I haven 't a clue what they are . There are kingfishers in our area with that general shape but are only greenish . Off to google . TD - I was remiss in answering your question about the Syrian Orthodox Christians . They date back to the earliest days of Christianity in Antioch and are perhaps the oldest Christian Sect . Their liturgy and prayers are in the old Aramaic language as spoken by Christ . Not being versed in Christianity I don 't feel competent in comparing their practices with other Christian . The holiday we encountered is connected to Easter and I believe is a celebration of the Resurrection . In Jerusalem , they are an important and respected group centered in the Old City as evidenced by the entire Old City being closed to tourism until early evening during their celebration . BTW - I missed what could have been one of my best photos ever . We were having dinner at Amigo Emil in the Old City . Our table was near the open doorway . While dining I saw two Syrian Clerics standing near the door . They were in full all black regalia and good sized black beards . Each were enjoying big lollypops . I think that would have been a great photo but by the time I got my camera out and turned on , they left . Thanks santam and TD . Most of the time we are all armchair tourists - that is why I like reading TRs on this and other forums . Fodorites have helped me tremendously in my trip planning . And yes TD , those priests were a hoot . Thanks santam and TD . Most of the time we are all armchair tourists - that is why I like reading TRs on this and other forums . Fodorites have helped me tremendously in my trip planning . And yes TD , those priests were a hoot .
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February 20th , 2010 On a day when the pigsh @ t hit the proverbial fan , we had remarkable highs and lows in New Orleans . This city is arguably the most beautiful in America , with architectural gems galore . Even the parts that aren 't gorgeous are worth looking at . It 's funky , fun , and exciting . But not all was well in NOLA . We spent the morning walking the French Quarter . Our plan , though , had a flaw the size of a pot - bellied pig . We left Rosie in our hotel room , figuring not much could go wrong . And , in our rush to get out the door , we forgot to take her for her morning walk , giving her a chance to relieve herself . Well , when we returned to the hotel , a perfect stranger was standing on our floor , pointing to the door and saying , " There 's some very strange things happening in this room . " Apparently , the sounds of a squealing pig ( one desperate to poop , since to her credit she held it in ! ) can be confused with all sorts of horrid activities behind a locked hotel door . We couldn 't get into our room , since the locks to our room had been changed . Our return to the front desk did not go well . After investigating the room , the manager decided that eviction is the only just reward for humans leaving an unattended pig in a hotel that doesn 't allow pets . OUCH ! ! ! In all our travels , we 've never sunk so low . We then spent the afternoon , pig in tow , exploring the city , while calling hotels to find one with available rooms and a pig - tolerant attitude . We did squeeze in a visit to the New Orleans Museum of Art , and saw an interesting Disney exhibit . And we switched hotels to the pet - friendly La Quinta , our new hotel favorite . Despite the challenges with our pet pig , the day had plenty to savor . There are so many stunning houses here . A few years ago , we were fortunate to live in Charleston , South Carolina , a beautiful city . But New Orleans outdoes Charleston when it comes to the number of striking antique houses . It 's a hoot to walk around the French Quarter , with surprising and bizarre encounters coming fast and furious . Had we been walking with our pet pig , we would have fit right in , but regrettably we were out looking very ordinary while the pig was back in the hotel room breaking the sound barrier . Not our best decision , to be sure . We ended the day by taking in some of the season opener for Tulane 's baseball team , and somehow managed to win a promotion contest . It was great to see baseball live . We then had dinner at a restaurant here called Luke 's , owned by one of New Orlean 's top chefs , John Besh . Got back to the hotel , Gibson did some physical therapy for his leg , watched some Olympics ( curling between Denmark and Canada ? ! ? ! ) , and called it a bizarre day . Tomorrow , we tour the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina , then we plan on visiting a nearby wildlife refuge . After that , we 're heading east . Next stop , Alabama . February 18th , 2010 Today , we started in Natchez , Mississippi , a really interesting town with lots to look at . We wanted to go to New Orleans , but I had the brilliant idea to swing through Baton Rouge , to see the Louisiana state capital and the LSU campus . As you shall see , not my best move . Natchez was spared damage in the Civil War , since it surrendered early . It was largely populated by immigrants from the North , who had no interest in fighting to the death on the side of the Confederacy . The town was the center of the nation 's cotton industry . At one point , 1 / 2 of the millionaires in the U . S . lived in Natchez ! We toured a couple of houses in Natchez . The first , the Dunleith house , has the worst tour guide we 've ever encountered . After she spent twenty excruciatingly - boring minutes on the first room of the house , almost the entire tour group left . Dreadful ! But it gave us lots to discuss with our kids about public speaking . The second house was Longwood , which was fascinating . The house was designed as an octagon , and I have to say , I 'm surprised the design hasn 't caught on . The house was only partially completed when the Mississippi economy collapsed at the end of the Civil War , and only the basement is finished . But it was an incredibly interesting tour , with ( thankfully ! ) a great tour guide . Our slight detour to Baton Rouge proved challenging . First , the drive down ended up going through a long construction zone ( thank you , ARRA ) , and we got behind a VERY slow truck . We found the state capitol fine , and hung out there for an hour in sunny , 60 degree weather , which was fabulous . We then tried to go to the LSU campus . I - stupidly - put " Louisiana State University " into my Tom - Tom GPS system , and off we went . . . in a crazily indirect route through some very nerve - wracking neighborhoods . We ultimately ended up at a dumpy building marked " LSU Health Services " , with no sign of any other LSU buildings . At that point , we had our fill of Baton Rouge and headed to New Orleans , never to see any more of the LSU campus . No videos today , or particularly good Rosie stories . She ate lots of grass at the grounds of the capitol , and turned lots of heads in Natchez . And at one point , a bunch of Japanese tourists at the State Capitol " oohed " and " aahhed " over her . Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments » February 18th , 2010 Today we started in Vicksburg , site of a crucial Civil War encounter , and then headed south on the Natchez Trace , arriving tonight in Natchez . Not a lot of driving today , which was great , and lots of fun exploring . Mississippi has its appeal . And we got some great videos during the course of the day . I 'll start with the videos , since they do a good job of capturing some of our fun today . We caught sight of an armadillo on the side of the road , and got a great video of this bizarre creature foraging . The armadillo is truly one of nature 's oddities , although when you travel with a pet pig , you 're hardly in a position to throw stones . While in Vicksburg , we needed to pick out new sneakers for our kids , who seem to go through a new pair every three months . We thought it might be fun to take our pet pig Rosie into the store and see how the clerk responded to our request to fit her for a new pair of shoes as well . The clerk either believed we were serious , or was an incredibly good sport ( or both ) , but we put together a fun video of Rosie 's trip to the shoe store . Finally , in Natchez , we came across a restaurant called the Pig Out Inn , and just had to bring Rosie in , and inquired as to what their pig menu looked like . They offered to seat the five of us , but didn 't have much in the way of food for pigs . If Rosie knew the role of pigs in the Pig Out Inn , she would have high - tailed it out of there . We had fun making a video of this trip to the Pig Out Inn . We then went to the Courthouse Museum in Vicksburg , which was a so - so destination at best . Overall , I 'd say I found Vicksburg a lot less interesting than I hoped . Other than the Military Park , there 's not a lot to be seen , and the town is more run - down than I expected . We then had a wonderful drive down the Natchez Trace , which is a lovely road running from Nashville to Natchez , although we only took the last forty miles of it . It 's largely deserted , runs through gorgeous southern forest , and was a great way to spend the afternoon . We stopped for an hour or so , and Sterling played with Rosie while Gibson and I played baseball . During an hour , less than a dozen cars passed by . This would make a fabulous location for a bike ride in spring or fall , and is someplace we 'd love to return to . February 17th , 2010 For those willing to put the effort into a family driving trip , there will be rewards . Today was one of those spectacular days . We covered Birmingham and Tuscalossa , Alabama , and Jackson and Vicksburg , Mississippi . Despite a fair amount of driving , we had one great family experience after another . But first , some comic relief . Tonight , we gave our pet pig Rosie a bath here at the hotel . This short video may well be the first time you 've seen a miniature pot - bellied pig getting scrubbed up . Now , back to our trip . We started the day at the Birmingham Civil Rights Institute , which was a powerful experience at a wonderful museum . Our family has been focused on the Civil War in recent months , so it was interesting to try to explain to our children how it was that almost a full hundred years after the end of the Civil War , black Americans were still fighting for some semblance of equality . And while we were there , we coincided with three buses full of young school kids from Birmingham , and not one was Caucasian , which caused our kids to ask , " So , are the schools here integrated ? " We then hit the road west , and peeled off the highway into Tuscaloosa , home of the University of Alabama . We stopped at the Jemison home , where Robert Jemison Van Der Graaff ( inventor of the Van Der Graaff generator ) grew up , then went on to explore the campus . It 's a wonder anyone can find their way around the town , since every other street is called " Paul Bryant Drive " or some variant thereof . During lunch , we were tempted to play the " catch a live lobster and we 'll cook it for you " game ( only in Alabama ! ) . Then , as we continued west , we stopped briefly in Jackson , the capital of the state . When we lived in South Carolina , we thought of Mississippi often . South Carolina , over and over again , ranked # 49 in the U . S . ( in jobs , education , income ) , with Mississippi keeping SC from being rock bottom . I often thought South Carolina 's state motto should be , " At least we 're not Mississippi . " We stopped at the state Capitol , and our pig got out to check out the grounds . She seems to be very anti - government ( or at least , objects to the Mississippi state government ) , and made a strong statement by leaving her mark here . Perhaps she objects to all of the pork getting tossed around these days . During the day 's drive , Elizabeth was reading a guide book ( Off the Beaten Path in Mississippi ) , and the author talked about the impact his pet dog had on his travel experience . He said people were so drawn to his dog , and then immediately were warm and open to him . Well , he should try traveling with a pig for his next book ! While we 're on the topic of driving , we have found our rhythm while on the road . I usually do the driving , while the kids focus on their home - schooling . Elizabeth will occasionally get some company in the front seat ( see right ) , and otherwise works with the kids on school topics . And I 've gotten pretty good at multi - plexing between driving and teaching algebra . We arrived for the night in Vicksburg on the Mississippi River . We don 't know if we 'll stay one night or two , but are excited to check out this town tomorrow . Best of all , the temperature here is finally starting to feel spring - like , and we love the feel of a warm sun and temperature above 50 degrees . February 15th , 2010 WARNING - Today was a bit of a yawner . One of the things that goes with a driving vacation is the occasional uneventful day - a day when you 're mostly getting from point A to point B . Unfortunately , point B ( Birmingham , Alabama ) is frigid , so we still haven 't shaken the cold . We slept in late this morning , and spent a leisurely morning with our friends in Atlanta . Our kids had a blast playing with their Bearded Dragon Spike and two dogs . And their kids really love Rosie . A neighbor really wanted to meet Rosie as well , so Elizabeth and Sterling took Rosie on a neighborhood walk . We decided not to spend much time in Atlanta . It 's a great city with lots to do . But it 's also a city that 's easy to get to from Charlottesville ( direct flights daily ) , and we 'll be back many times in the future . Besides , with Birmingham , Alabama , beckoning , why dawdle in Atlanta seeing things like a great zoo , the nation 's best aquarium , the High Museum , . . . We did go to the Atlanta History Center , and spent time on their Civil War exhibit . After a quick lunch , we headed west , through pretty uninspiring scenery in western Georgia and eastern Alabama . There are advantages to a slower - paced drive ( as Gibson said from the back seat , " It 's so much better to drive , because you see so much . " ) , but today was a day where the " fast forward button " would have been nice . At one point during the drive , Elizabeth had Rosie in the front seat on her lap . She then needed to call the architects working on some revisions to our house , and she was juggling a cell phone , architectural drawings , and a pig ! Thank goodness she wasn 't driving . And I was relieved that the pig didn 't eat the drawings , something she could easily do . We ended the night by taking in the new Percy Jackson movie , despite snow here in Alabama ! We left the pig in our hotel room , and hoped that the staff doing turn - down service would take the " Do Not Disturb " signs on the doors seriously . The signs seemed to do the trick , and Rosie was still here when we returned , with plenty of loud snorts from the bathroom where she sleeps . I doubt if we 'll hang for long tomorrow in Sweet Home Alabama , but the prospect of a five hour drive to Vicksburg isn 't appealing . However , the forecast of temperatures above 50 in Vicksburg , together with all the things we want to do there , is pretty motivating . So I 'm hoping my next couple of reports are more interesting than this one . February 15th , 2010 " I like pigs . Cats look down on us . Dogs look up to us . Pigs treat us as equals . " - Winston Churchill . First , to set the record straight , while Churchill is clear about his feelings about pigs , I 'm not . At this point , call me undecided . Maybe by the end of this trip , I 'll have made up my mind , for now now , I 'm just not sure how I feel about our daughter 's pet pig . Now , back to our trip . . . Well , it 's still incredibly cold down south , with no let - up in sight . We 're now in Atlanta , where there 's still some snow on the ground , and more snow forecast for Monday . We 'll keep driving until it gets warm or we hit water . Why do I feel that we 'll hit water first ? This morning , we were slow out of the starting blocks . The night passed uneventfully , with the four of us in beds and Rosie on the bathroom floor . I generally get up early , and tried to get a newspaper ( " We don 't have newspapers on weekends " ) or an early cup of coffee ( all out ) at our hotel . We found a Peete 's but - in a way that can only happen in the deep South or on a Caribbean Island - it took twenty minutes to get coffee and juice . Despite some early hassles , we were happy that we exited the Sheraton without being arrested for pig smuggling . As you can see from our luggage cart , though , we may not have been completely transparent about having a pig with us during our stay . Where 's Rosie ? We then headed southeast toward Atlanta , passing through the westernmost corner of South Carolina on the way . A couple of years ago , we lived in Charleston for four years , but never made it to this region of the state . Well , today we finally made it to Spartanburg , briefly ( see left for scenery ) and concluded that Spartanburg makes Scranton or Gary look good . But we loved Greenville , a cute little town with a great downtown area . We ate lunch there , and strolled around the city . We had heard good things about Greenville , and we were really captivated by it . Funny how some out of the way places can be so appealing . The same phenomena that happened in Roanoke was repeated in Greenville , with Rosie turning lots of heads . I 'm sure the adults we meet have all seen pigs before ( although many of the young children probably haven 't ) , but there 's something about seeing a pig in the middle of the city . It reminds me of the way people used to react on the old television show Candid Camera . At one point today , someone a half block away was yelling congratulations to us for having such a " great dog . " Greenville , it turns out , is also hometown to Shoeless Joe Jackson . Our son is a big baseball player , and has always been interested in Shoeless Joe . So we were excited to see his statue in a city square , and to be reminded of how he was banned for fixing the World Series - a series in which he played excellent baseball and forever denied involvement in the fraud . In Atlanta , we 're staying with our great long - term friends , the Seabrooks . They have two great boys , and a household full of pets ( two dogs and a Bearded Dragon ) , so our gang is having a blast . We went for a river walk this afternoon , and watched some of the Olympics tonight after a fabulous dinner . Now that we 're back on the east coast , we 're able to spend time with our very best friends , and are really thankful for the proximity . At this point , we don 't know where we 'll be tomorrow night . We 're debating heading west toward Vicksburg and New Orleans , or east toward the Okeefenokee Swamp and Jacksonville . We 'll spend a bunch of time tomorrow exploring Atlanta , and then figure something out . Posted in Travels With Rosie | No Comments » February 13th , 2010 Our driving trip through the Southeast got off to a terrific start , as we got in great explorations of Roanoke ( left ) and Lexington , VA . Weather was great , and driving through the Blue Ridge Mountains was glorious . And traveling with a pig proved to be , well , full of surprises . Have you ever walked down a city sidewalk with a new puppy ? Well , walking in downtown Roanoke with a baby pig was an eye - opener . EVERYONE wanted to see this pig . Children wanted to pet her , adults wanted to photograph her . A group of street people were all over her . Almost everyone was excited to see her , and she brought out huge smiles in everyone . It was surreal to see a pig bring out the very best in humanity . We did encounter one couple who seemed scared to death of this " ferocious " pig . They would look at her , but always stay fifteen feet or so away . But , with this one exception , Rosie was a smile machine , bringing out great big grins and laughs along our path . Anyone single in a city looking for a way to meet people . . . well , get a miniature pot - bellied pig . At one point , as we walked along , a cab driver stopped and honked at us . We thought he was trying to convince us to use his taxi services . But , no , he wanted to know where he could get a pig like Rosie . " Where did you get it ? " " How much do they cost ? " " What do they eat ? " " How much bigger will she get ? " I have a feeling we 'll be hearing these questions a lot on this trip . Not that everything about Rosie in the city was all that attractive . This pig can poop . She must have launched twenty little poop balls while we walked around Roanoke . We brought a lot of Kleenex with us to clean up , but ran out . And sometimes the poop didn 't exactly get away from the body cleanly . If you look closely at the photo on the left , you 'll see the exact size of her poop balls . Also , Rosie proved to have interest in eating anything in her path . ABC gum . . . down the hatch . Old cigarette butts or bits of paper and plastic , yummmmmm . We quickly learned that we couldn 't just watch all the people gawking at her ; we needed to make sure she wasn 't eating something harmful or disgusting . We had lunch and a great visit to Lexington , Virginia , a town new to all of us . Lexington is home to two universities - Washington and Lee and Virginia Military Institute . Curiously , the colleges are located right next to each other . Pick which is which from the photos on the right . At VMI , we toured the Marshall Museum , dedicated to the life of General George C . Marshall . Marshall commanded some 11 million troops on the European Continent during WW II , then architected the Marshall Plan to rebuild Europe after the War . He was the first military officer to win a Nobel Prize . And he later served as Secretary of State , Secretary of Defense , and President of the American Red Cross . We also managed to check out the Natural Bridge , complete with some really impressive icicles . Pigs were not welcome here , so Rosie stayed in the car as our trusted guard pig . Believe it or not , at one point in time , Thomas Jefferson bought the Natural Bridge from the King of England . We ended the day in Charlotte , NC , a city without much charm . But , after several tries , we found a hotel that accepts guests with dogs . We figured Rosie was close enough , and we 're set for tonight . But several hotels we called said " no way , " so we 're a little concerned about hotel options as we go forward on this trip . So tonight we 're watching the Olympics , and tomorrow , on to Atlanta , with no worries on the hotel front , since we 'll be staying with our long - term and fabulous friends , Connor and Martha Seabrook . We also got a couple of short videos of Rosie today , including one on the streets of Roanoke , and one in our car . Posted in Travels With Rosie | 1 Comment » February 12th , 2010 Tomorrow I get in a rented car and begin driving . To where , I don 't know . But I do know who will be with me . I 'll be traveling with my wife , my two children , and . . . a pig . Yep , no typo . A pig . And we 'll be traveling for three weeks - just the five of us . Just how did I get myself in this situation ? I sure as heck don 't know . It started when my eleven - year - old daughter asked for a pig for Christmas . Not just any old pig , she wanted a miniature pot - bellied pig . And she used Craig 's List to find the perfect pig ( thanks , Craig ! ) . So Rosie , born on Halloween of 2009 , joined us about three weeks ago , and has quickly become an indispensable travel companion . So the adventure begins . Three weeks on the road with a pig . Two years ago , we traveled around the world for ten months ( without a pig , thankfully ) , and had everything planned in advance . Now , we have nothing pre - planned . My only real preparation has been buying a copy of Steinbeck 's Travels With Charley , so I can contrast pig travel with dog travel . How will hotels react to Rosie ? Will she be banned from all restaurants ? How will she do in a car ? How will I do in a car with a pig ? Pigs are supposed to be smart , but so far , Rosie hasn 't shown me much - will that change ? Time will reveal . Stay tuned for daily updates on Travel With Rosie . April 13th , 2009 We just returned from a fabulous week - long trip to one of our absolute favorite countries , Costa Rica . It took a while to get there from Seattle , but once we arrived , we made the most of it . Costa Rica is a wonderful country in so many ways . It 's a very progressive place , and now generates 95 % of its energy use through renewable sources . They protect over 25 % of their land , and the amount that 's forested has doubled in the past twenty years . Also , the people are incredibly nice , and the diversity of wildlife and plant life is second to none . We flew into San Jose , and drove directly to La Selva , staying at the Selva Verde Lodge . The lodge is a couple of hour drive north of San Jose , located in the middle of a rain forest . We met a long - time family friend there , J . D . Willson ( more later ) , who had spent a few hours exploring the area . He immediately showed us some great reptiles , including a Satiny Parrot Snake . Also , at the very beginning of our first hike , about 100 yards into it , I actually found a snake . This would prove to be singularly unusual , as I never saw anything interesting after that , and relied on others to find the interesting sightings . Selva Verde Lodge is basic , very basic . And the rooms are a long walk from the dining area . But it got the job done for us , and we had a great two days there . In addition to just walking the grounds of the lodge , we went to the research station at La Selva , and got a great tour there . Anyway , if you 're looking for plush eco - friendly accommodations , this area may not be for you . But if you want to see some great wildlife , this is a great spot , and a must for anyone doing serious birding in Costa Rica . While in the Selva area , we did a couple of other fun things . One afternoon , we all went on one of Costa Rica 's top ziplines to tour the Canopy . We went with Adventuras Sarapiqui , who did a great job for us . Most of the legs ( 14 in all ) were short to medium in duration , but we had a few that were long , high , and over water ! That was exciting . We also made a night - time visit to the Tirimbina Rainforest Reserve , and got a great overview on research being done there on bats . Bats are a very misunderstood mammal , since almost all of the more than 1 , 000 species of bats feed entirely on insects or fruit . Costa Rica itself has 110 species of bats , and we got to see a few of the species close up . They were quite tiny , and really interesting to see when they 're still . I made my first trip to Costa Rica twenty years ago , and was amazed at the Corcovado area on the Osa Peninsula in southwest Costa Rica . We were excited to return there , and I was thrilled to see it 's almost as undeveloped - and beautiful - today as it was twenty years ago . Costa Rica gets high marks for conservation . We started out stay at a lodge called Bosque del Cabo , about a half - hour drive from Puerto Jimenez . The lodge itself is quite nice , and is run by an ex - pat couple from the U . S . with a small baby . We did a night hike our first night there and saw a few interesting things . And some researchers gave a very interesting talk about the cats of the Osa Peninsula - ocelots , puma , and jaguars . The next day was characterized more by what we missed than what we saw , including being a couple of minutes too late to see a Boa Constrictor . After our uneventful morning hike , we labored through a bollixed up afternoon . We started with a quick ( very quick ) stop at the Osa Biodiversity Center , but didn 't stay there long enough to really get a sense of the place . We then went to a private house overlooking the Pacific , which was a spectacular home with great views . However , we weren 't really up for spending three hours for drinks and dinner there . After dinner , we had a real low point of our trip , as the local guide had arranged for us to go out on canoes and kayaks to catch crocodiles . He forgot to mention , though , that they didn 't have enough room for all of us , meaning one of us got stranded on the beach at night , for two hours , under attack by sand bugs . The others spent two hours praying that our crocodile - catching experts would finally get a lasso around a croc 's head . They did , finally , but this was an event well worth missing . The next morning , we flew into La Sirena Research Center in the middle of Corcovado National Park . The flight was spectacular , and it was great being in the middle of this park . We got a decent look at a Tapir during our hike , but some screw - ups on the part of our local guide delayed our arrival into the park enough that morning that we missed the best wildlife sighting times . We pulled the rip cord on this guide , thankfully , and got the rest of our trip back on track . We ended our trip with a couple of incredible nights at the Nicuesa Lodge , at Playa Nicuesa , a twenty - five minute boat ride from Puerto Jiminez . This lodge is beautiful , and tucked into a most spectacular area of the Osa Peninsula . Everyone we met at the lodge was incredibly nice , and we had some terrific naturalist accompanying us on our hikes . The lodge offers lots of great options , and we all concluded it was a place we 'd like to come back to . There are lots of great hiking trails originating at the lodge . And the beach activities ( swimming , snorkeling , kayaking , sailing ) are really fun . The food there was excellent as well . Our last night hike was particularly exciting at Nicuesa . Our family friend J . D . and our son Gibson were on fire in terms of finding things , and we got several great looks at really interesting wildlife . My son 's blog post - http : / / gibson . dintersmith . org - will do a much better job of describing what we saw than I can do , but it was really great . We were thrilled to have J . D . Willson with us for our stay in Costa Rica . I 've know J . D . since he was three years old , and even then it was clear he was going to be an outstanding naturalist . J . D . just got his Ph . D . in Ecology from the University of Georgia , and is a real expert on nature . He 's also an incredibly nice and thoughtful young man , so we felt honored to spend a week with him . All of us learned so much from him , and our kids in particular got a chance to observe up close how a top scientist approaches the exploration of a new area . We couldn 't have asked for a better person to show us the wonders of this great Central American country . After a glorious week in Costa Rica , we returned to Seattle to find . . . rain . What a surprise ! We spent Easter Day waiting for a short window of sun for an Easter Egg hunt outside , and finally gave in and braved the elements . With each passing hour , we couldn 't help but think of life on the trail in Costa Rica . And as I post this on Monday , April 13th , we 're getting snow here mixed with rain ! Ugh ! ! Posted in Central America | No Comments » For our February break , we booked a trip on the Sea Lion , a ship with Lindblad / National Geographic , and explored the bottom third of the Baja Peninsula . We flew down from Seattle to Los Angeles on Friday night , Feb . 13th , and then took the trip shuttle from LA to La Paz Mexico the next morning . We then got on our ship and departed . We had immediate great news on this trip . There were three other terrific families with children the ages of our two children . And all five of these kids were keenly interested in nature , so they formed quick bonds . During our travel year , we rarely encountered other kids and , all too often , they were video game addicts . When we went to the Galapagos , for example , the other children almost never went out on the explorations , choosing to stay in their room ! And , equally amazing , their parents seemed happy to pay a good - sized amount for a very expensive seven day video - games - at - sea adventure . We started on the Gulf of California side , where there is a very dry desert . The Gulf of California is one of the most productive seas on the planet , supporting nearly 900 species of fish , including 90 found nowhere else . But our focal point for the trip was whales , not fish , and we had immediate great luck . Our very first morning , we got great views of Blue Whales ( the largest creature ever ) , Fin Whales , and Humpback Whales . We had seen all three in Antarctica a year ago , but got superb views on this particular day . The waters on the gulf were relatively calm , and we had a couple of other fun days there . On one day , we went snorkeling at Los Islotes , although the water was pretty darn brisk . We did see some California Sea Lions quite close up , as well as all sorts of tropical fish . A highlight of our first phase , though , was a great afternoon playing on the sand dunes of Isla Espiritu Santo . The dunes in Baja are spectacular and so inviting for kids that love to tumble . They did some of the most incredible running dives off the edge of the dunes , often ending up with sand covering every possible body part . The naturalist were great sports and came up with all sorts of contests , and several adults ( not this one ! ) joined the fun . We headed around the tip of the Baja , stopping for a day in Cabo San Lucas . We went on a fun bird walk , and picked up two endemic species - the Xantu Hummingbird and the Belding Yellowthroat . We also got a glimpse of a snake with its head out of the water , although no positive identification has been made as of yet . As we rounded the cape and headed north in the Pacific , the seas got considerably rougher . We were fortunate that things were not too terrible , but we definitely noted the swells . But we knew we were headed north to Bahia Magdalena , home of the Grey Whales , and were looking forward to seeing these whales at close range . At times the whales come close enough to the zodiacs that they can be touched , but we weren 't counting our whale - touches before they hatched . As a family , we 've had a long history of pretty dismal whale kharma , so we had no challenge managing our expectations down for the final phase of the trip . When we reached the bay , the Gray Whales , as promised , were everywhere . Local guides estimated that some 400 whales were hanging out in the bay . These whales weren 't feeding , but had come to the Baja to mate and to nurse along the young ( in some cases , only a few weeks old ) . We were excited to go exploring ! We went out into the Bay three different times , and the Gray Whales were all around us . We got some really good looks at many adults and baby calves . The highlight for us was a baby who came up to our Zodiac and ducked under it . We didn 't quite get to touch the baby , but came within a foot or so . While Grays aren 't the biggest whale by a longshot , it was really impressive to see these 60 ton animals at close range . They are big ! And hearing a whale blow air out its spout from less than ten feet is a sound we 'll never forget . While we got some really nice looks at the whales , our whale kharma survived the trip intact . More often than not , we felt we had our best views of other people on Zodiacs getting amazing views of these whales . On Thursday afternoon , we went out on the early shift and didn 't see a whole lot . The late shift , though , ran into two adults and a baby calf that were breaching on a regular basis for about an hour . It was like watching Fourth of July fireworks . Carol Greenspan sent this one picture to us , which gives you an idea of what it 's like to be five yards from a whale that lifts its body 2 / 3rds out of the water . On our last day , we spent several hours on what may well be the most beautiful beach I 've ever been on , called Sand Dollar Beach . The dunes were gorgeous , there is no sign of people or buildings , and the water was at a comfortable temperature for swimming . We could have spent a few months on this beach , but just having a full afternoon was a great treat . The trip had lots of great highlights , but one real lowlight . Our ship had 50 non - smoking passengers , and one bozo who chain - smoked foul cigars around the clock . The ship 's policy allowed smokers to smoke on deck as long as they stayed in the designated locations . On this small ship , the designated locations were a ) at the back of the only area with chairs and exercise equipment , and b ) a spot about five yards from our room . All too often , the cigar smoke filled our room , and was completely disgusting , and by the end of the trip , I had a headache from the second - hand smoke , and a real issue to take up with Lindblad . All in all , this was a fabulous way to spend a week . The Baja is just gorgeous and undeveloped . And the chance to see such amazing whales in close proximity is a real treat .
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Q . How important is Enes to what you guys can do this season ? COACH CALIPARI : They 're all important . I mean , every kid you have on your team has an importance . It 's one of the reasons I spend time with players who aren 't playing much . You want them to know they 're important . You want them to know that the success of our team is about everybody on it , so they 're all important . Q . I know you 're not going to talk about Enes , but specifically the summer when stuff was written in Birmingham and in New York Times , how , at times , frustrated did you get by some of the things that were put out there ? COACH CALIPARI : If I read everything you guys wrote - - see , that 's why I said , everybody thinks Jerry and I have a problem . I have no problem with Jerry , because I don 't read any of the stuff he writes ( laughing ) . And if I read it , they say I 'd probably have a problem , but I don 't . So I don 't read it . And Dewayne will tell you , the only thing I 'll say is there anything I 've got to deal with about how we operate ? And I 'll say Dewayne is there anything I need to deal with ? In most cases he 'll say , no , you 're fine . And so , you know , the one thing I found out coaching at Kentucky , a lot of people want to know about this program and want to watch it , want to hear about it . Mitch reminded me when we interviewed in Chicago that I said listen , guys , you understand I 'm going to be a lightning rod , and some of it is really going to be good stuff , and then they 've got some other people out there that won 't . I 'm going to be a lying thing rod . This program is a lightning rod . So now you 've got two lightning rods . You could either say I don 't want to deal with that , so don 't coach here . It 's just how it is , coaching at Kentucky . That 's why you have 23 , 000 at every game , you have 1 . 2 million on the Twitter . I have 200 , 000 dear friends on the Facebook , and that 's part of being at Kentucky . Q . I do read what you put out . COACH CALIPARI : Oh , do you ( laughing ) ? You 're one of 1 . 2 million though . COACH CALIPARI : I thought we were not going to talk about Enes . Why are we talking about Enes ? Q . He did not participate in the women 's clinic basketball portion ? Q . No , he didn 't do the triple drive stuff . Has he participated in the scrimmage tomorrow night ? COACH CALIPARI : We don 't know . We don 't know . Q . Could you talk about your team going into the first practice ? What can your team expect tomorrow night for the next month or so ? COACH CALIPARI : Last year when I sat in front of all you people , I said that it 's a new team . Don 't expect much . I said we 've got six new players and six returning players have to mesh . We 've got all new staff . We 've got an all new offense , a totally different way to think about playing . We 're going to start off slow . Do you remember me saying it ? We 're going to start slow . We 're going to lose some games early . There are things you 're going to look at turnovers . We 're not going to be what you think , no high expectations . This year I really mean it . Q . So you really don 't know what to expect ? COACH CALIPARI : No , no . I just think the good news is the Canadian trip gave us some time to get a little bit of stuff in . But still , we practiced yesterday for an hour and a half . There are sometimes like wow , and there are other times where it 's like we 're really not close . The biggest thing we were last year , we took time . We became a great offensive team . We were fun to watch , we played a style that everybody enjoyed . I 'll say this about last year 's team , we were really fast . We were like really fast , but we were the best defensive team in the country come the end of the season . Showing our team now , I show tape of the Cornell game , two parts of it . We were down 10 - 2 to start the game . Do you remember ? We were down 10 - 2 . Every game we play is someone 's Super Bowl . Every game out of the gate , the other team 's going to be on point , execute , it 's how . They 're going to make shots they won 't make the rest of the season . They 'll make them . But after it comes down to , it comes down to do you really defend . They saw us defend for the next 25 possessions . How we guarded , how we helped a helper who helped a helper . Looked like we had six guys on the floor . I said that 's where we want this team to go . We 're not close . We can 't stay in the stands . We don 't help each other . We don 't jump the balls . They 're all freshmen . They have no idea . Coaching a group of 17 and 18 - year - olds , 19 , that 's what we 're coaching . Q . How do these freshmen deal with being compared to last year 's freshman class ? COACH CALIPARI : I don 't think they will . You can 't . Anybody that 's compared to that group of kids , you 're going to be on the short end . So I don 't think our fans are going to compare . The great thing about the fans here , I think they just want to see how good can these guys be ? How quickly can they come together ? It 's not fair to anybody to compare one guy . That 's why they ask me about Derrick Rose and Tyreke , and I 'm not going to . They say what about now , Jon wall , and how do they compare , and Brandon compare ? You can 't get into that . I think our fans know that we 're worried about this team and how this team improves . And will they come together like last year ? Last year 's team , the biggest thing they did is they sacrificed for each other . There are some things , yeah , you want to compare . Will this team come together and share the ball and do the things they have to do to be their brother 's keeper ? Will you be your brother 's keeper ? Will we have servant leadership which we had a year ago where our leaders cared more about the team . How about Patrick Patterson ? He scored less than the year before . He rebounds less . He goes from being thee guy to one of the guys . And he goes from maybe being the 25th to 28th pick in the draft . By giving it all up , by servant leadership , by giving it up and sacrificing , he goes 14th in the draft , and I hear they 're loving him in Houston , loving him . So I hope there are lessons from last year this team looks at , but the reality of it is this is a totally different team . Not even totally . We 'll have to execute better on both ends of the floor . We may have to do some things to get us into dribble drive which I didn 't really have to do last year . We have no one that even remotely looks like Demarcus Cousins in March . And I 'm not talking about Demarcus in November , Demarcus in March . No one remotely like him . So we 're a different team . Q . Can you talk about the healthier team ? How are they looking ? COACH CALIPARI : They 're okay . Everybody 's okay . Darius had a strained hamstring , but he 's been fine , because these workouts are two hours a week . I would go one hour , one hour , and sometimes I 'd put a week in between for Darius . It 's all pretty good . They 're conditioning and training and that stuff 's all where we want to be . I don 't want my team in November to look like they should in January . When it starts in November , I want them to look like it 's November . So in December and January , I don 't need them looking like January and in November . Let 's just take it a step at a time . Get in great shape . I just want to keep that growth going , because that is the self esteem you build , so by March they feel that they 're one of those groupings . They 're one of those teams . Q . Jon 's 100 % now ? COACH CALIPARI : Yeah , he 's been fine . He 's been fine . As a matter of fact , we practiced yesterday for an hour and a half and we were going to go two hours , and he made a jumpshot . So I stopped practice right there . Stop . Done . We walked right off the court . I said , that 's it , he finally made a jumpshot . Now I know he can shoot , let me have that mental picture before Friday . That 's it . Stop . But he 's a great kid . He 's a play - making kind of player , that is really long . This is going to be a fun team to coach . It 's just not last year . It 's going to be totally different . For me , the excitement is I 've got to figure out how does this team play so they 're at their best ? We may do a lot more pick - and - rolls this year . I haven 't done pick - and - rolls maybe ever . I went down and spent time with Larry Brown in Charlotte . We went over situations and how I could utilize it and different things just so it 's an exciting part for me to say how do I have to do this ? It 's not to get them together as a team . It 's not to get them to defend . It 's not all that . It 's how do we play that is the best way to play for this team ? Last year , everybody , the dribble drive , and we looked and it wasn 't the best way to do it 100 % of the time , so we didn 't . But by teaching it , it taught us to be aggressive . So now John Wall and Bledsoe , and Darius did things that people didn 't know they could do , because they were aggressive . But we weren 't in the dribble drive at about 30 % . We probably will go more , but we may run something into it . In other words , we 're not going to come down and just start . We may have some motion , some action , some different things . And we enter our spacing and start driving that ball . Q . Talking about and figuring out how was best for him to play , how much of that can you figure out in practice ? How much of that has to come in November ? COACH CALIPARI : It 's a good question . It 's both . We 'll see in practice . There will be stuff that I think is good , then I put it in and it stinks and that 's done . I 'm not doing it . Some of the stuff will work in practice , and we get in the game and see how other people guard it , and it 's not as effective . Most of the stuff though , we 're trying to teach players how to play versus run plays . There is a big difference in how we do this . In teaching players how to play , how to be aggressive . How to beat people in the dribble . I just watched officiating team . If you drive and a guy bumps you , it 's a foul . I just watched the tape . They showed three different drives . You bump , you do this , you do that , it should be called automatically . Well , we 're driving every time down the floor four or five times , And if you do that , what am I going to be yelling ? That 's a foul . I had to watch the tape . You made me watch the tape for an hour . Q . Do you still think this will be a better shooting team than the one you had last year , or is that just time will tell ? COACH CALIPARI : I remember we started the season last year , and you guys said they 're the worst shooting team and that will be their Achilles heel . And it was , not 35 times it wasn 't , but three times it was . One time it really was . It was a stake in the heart one time . COACH CALIPARI : They send a tape around that I must watch . It 's an officiating tape . They see the emphasis . And one of the things they 're talking about is elbows above the shoulder . If you swing those , they are now , whether you meant it , didn 't mean it , it 's intentional foul or flagrant foul , depending on how vicious you were . So there 's no , well , that was just a common foul . Nope . Anything above here that you turn and hit , it 's a flagrant or intentional . You know , the penalties that go with it . Q . Does there have to be contact ? COACH CALIPARI : Yeah , but you know what , they showed one where the kid moved his head away . But if you 're swinging , it 's going to be intentional or flagrant foul , which means you can give up free throws and a ball . They also talked about breakaways . Okay , like fouls , intentional fouls where you 're trying to foul . If you 're not making an attempt at the ball to breakaway lay - up , that is an intentional foul : The other thing was if you want to move , and the guy doesn 't let you move like you 're trying to get in a pick - and - roll and he nudges you , that 's a foul . Right now , that 's a foul . Q . Is that tape uniform ? They send it to all coaches ? COACH CALIPARI : All coaches and all officials . So it 's good stuff . If you look at the game , it 's gotten so physical , and so much bumping and grinding , spread the game out and drive the ball . If you 're holding people up and not letting them go where they need to go . They 're saying it 's going to be called fouls , so that 's a good thing . Q . Lot of players grow up with this , so how difficult will that be to coach against it ? And how much will it open up the game ? COACH CALIPARI : One of the things I 'm going to do with that , I 'll show my players the tape of the elbow , swinging elbow , and let them get exactly what the NCAA guy 's saying about how to do it . But it 's hard when you get pushed , and your first thought is what I 'll teach pivot away . Pivot away from it . You can 't turn up . We 've always taught if you 've got the ball and the guy comes in you , to get him off you , what do you do ? Open up that . You can 't now . If you do that , that 's an intentional or flagrant foul . If you meant to do it , it 's flagrant . With movement and cutting , you can 't hold people up . The issue is will it consistently be called ? And I think it will . When they do things and make it a focus , usually there is a change . COACH CALIPARI : I 'm looking at six teams . Hopefully we 'll be one that will be considered an NCAA team . I 'm not sure we are , but I 'm hoping we would be . But there would be six teams I would look at . The problem is four of them in our division . The other thing I 'm going to tell you is " Sports Illustrated " came out and said our schedule non - conference was the second toughest non - conference schedule in the country . Some in here think it 's awful . There must be a ton of awful schedules out there if we 're number two . If we play in Maui and play Michigan State , they say by far the toughest non - conference schedule played will be by Kentucky . And , so , to have the youngest team playing the toughest non - conference schedule , who is the dummy that did that ? I just didn 't know other people would schedule the way they scheduled . I tried to make it so that I would think we 'd be all right . But we 've got a tough row to hoe . In the SEC it 's gotten better . Guys got guys back . Florida will be outstanding , Tennessee will be outstanding . I 'm telling everybody , you guys are missing the boat on Georgia . Georgia has two of the best players in our league coming back . Mark Fox is a terrific coach . Does a great job . Mississippi State , you 're talking about the big kid coming back and the pro that really wanted to be a pro and then came back . He 'll be playing when they play us . What is the kid 's name ? Yeah . The kid that put his name in the draft . Wanted to be a pro , stayed in the draft , wanted to be a pro and then he came back . He 's missing some games . Q . Have you notice a difference in the way Darius and DeAndre are more vocal ? COACH CALIPARI : It 's hard to say more vocal , because neither one of them - - they 're more than they 've ever been . So every once in a while you 'll hear them say something . They 're not that . But they 're leading by example . And a lot of times we have to talk as a team to each other , not just expect two guys to talk . Yesterday I stopped practice because there were two people talking as we were working , myself and John Robic . I said there are two people talking here , he and I . Talk to one another . Talk offense , talk on defense , that 's all being young . There are so many things . I almost stop them and I can 't believe I 'm having to teach some of the stuff . But then I think back to November , October of last year . It 's the same . These kids are the same . They don 't know how hard to play . They don 't know how to finish a possession . They don 't even think about that wasn 't my man . Yes , it was . My man 's this guy . I know , but you 've also got to play him . How am I going to play two guys ? That 's how you play basketball . You play yours and one other . All that stuff they 're looking like what is he talking about ? So the talk thing comes . And I 'll say this , this is one of those teams that I look at that needs to get beat up a little bit early so they can figure out that everybody 's game is a Super Bowl . Every team they play they 're going to play beyond what you see on the tape . That is the biggest game of the year . That if you don 't do this together and communicate and help each other , you 'll struggle all year . Sometimes only - - the only thing that brings about change , the only thing that will bring about change is when you have like catastrophe . Then all of a sudden , it 's like oh , my gosh , we better change . Right now they 're just too young . They 're listening , but they still revert , so . . . Q . Does this team need that lesson more than last year 's team ? COACH CALIPARI : What last year 's team had is so many guys you could learn and still win like we should have lost Stanford . We had no business or Miami , or Sam Houston State , or the games we can go back and look at , or Georgia in the first game . But we had enough to get by and we learned from a lot of close winds . This team , I don 't know . And again , we 'll see early . The schedule early is going to be some dings . Unless they coming to in a hurry , unless , you know - - Q . You mentioned Patterson earlier , his physical ability aside , how much will this team miss the intangibles he brought ? COACH CALIPARI : We 'll miss both . Yesterday we did the rebounding drill , and either we 're the best offensive rebounding team in the country or we 're not a very good rebounding team . Last year there weren 't a whole lot of rebounds to be had . There were a lot more blocking . Yesterday we blocked more shots than we had because I made it an emphasis . Go block shots . So they blocked a couple of balls yesterday . But we 'll miss him . But let me tell you , we 'll miss all five of them . Q . Could you talk about Brandon Knight and what he brings to your team this year ? COACH CALIPARI : Well , Brandon is an extremely hard worker . He 's in the gym early . Comes back at night at 11 : 00 o ' clock . He 's running the team , but he 's learning . You 're talking about a young man that has to change a little bit of how he plays . It 's kind of like really about every point guard I 've had . They 've had to go from John Wall trying to shoot 25 times a game , to try to run a team and shoot and score when you have to and try to get people involved . Tyreke Evans scored 42 points a game in high school . How would you like your point guard to score 42 a game ? You 're fine , unless you 're one of those other players on the floor . So he had to change how he was going to play . Derrick Rose had to shoot more . He didn 't score enough . I mean , you know , we need you to go get baskets . So they all are something different . He shoots it better . You know , he 's just - - the great news is defensively I watched him yesterday . We finally did a few defensive drills only so that when we start Saturday morning with defense , I don 't have to totally teach drills . So I did some defense yesterday just so we could practice without having to stop too much . But he really works hard . Great kid , great attitude , great teammate , all those attributes . But , again , he 's totally different than Derrick . He 's totally different than Tyreke , and he 's totally different than John . He 's a different player . You guys watched him in Canada . He 's a different , you know - - Q . How is he different ? COACH CALIPARI : Well , they 're all different . So if you want to say with Tyreke . Tyreke is a 6 ' 6 " point guard . Derrick Rose is smaller than him , but way more explosive , could jump higher . John Wall is probably more athletic than him and lankier , yet he shoots the ball better . He 's skilled maybe with the ball better . But they 're all different . I mean , he 's fast . You know you say is he as fast as John Wall ? Well , I went up to see Derrick Rose and John Wall go head - to - head for one thought . I wanted to see who was faster , because you all have asked me a thousand times who is faster . So I went and watched them play , and even then I can 't tell you . All I can tell you is they 're both really fast . I can tell you after watching them probably had a lot to do with all those wins . Q . The uncertainty surrounding Enes , probably brings an increased role for Josh . Can you talk about what they bring together to the table ? COACH CALIPARI : Everybody has an importance to the team . We don 't have 15 guys . Everybody 's going to play an important role . I 'm watching Jarrod play . He 's doing great stuff . You know the great thing about Jarrod , he knows what he doesn 't know . You have some guys that just talk and act like they know everything , then they try to be that way . You 're looking at them like you know how dumb you are trying to be that way ? And there are others that I know what I don 't know . I 'm not dabbling in that . I don 't know that . This is what I know and this is what I do . Well , Jarrod only tries to do what he does . He knows I 'm not trying to get outside of what I 'll be on this team . And he does . Yesterday he drove down and the middle , and got his floater up and made it . At one point he tried to do something , and I said , hey , whoa . He said , my fault , what was I thinking . So every one of them will have an importance on the team . Q . You probably had a little time this summer to reflect on the first year . How looking back on it , is there anything about this job that really surprised you ? COACH CALIPARI : One thing is I haven 't had a whole lot of time to look back . But when you 're in this thing , it 's 24 - 7 . I was at a 24 / 7 , the coats on you . Everywhere , everything , anywhere . Look at you goof balls in here . I went to a nursing home in Winchester , Brooks Place . And I walk in and all the ladies and a few gentlemen were in the nursing home . And a lady says , Coach Cal , Coach Cal , can you come over here . And I walk over , and she was sitting . " Are you working on free throw shooting ? " " Yeah . " " What drills do you do on free throw shooting ? Coach , do you understand the difference between winning and losing games ? In most cases it 's free throws . " I said , " Ma ' am , how old are you ? " " 96 . " I asked the ladies there , how many of you watch the games in Canada ? I 'm in a nursing home . They all watched . How many of you tape the games ? Half of them raise their hands . They watch the tapes more than I watch the tapes . That 's Kentucky basketball . I mean , that 's stuff I didn 't realize to that point . I knew the fans were great and they were on it . But they 're crazy , they 're absolutely crazy . But the other side of it when you 're coaching , it 's what you strive for . Then you say be careful what you wish for . Q . Any special guests for tomorrow night that you have from last year ? COACH CALIPARI : That 's a secret . In most cases no one 's told me anything . They tell me when to show and when the bus leaves and that stuff , so I don 't know . Q . What do you see Darius Miller 's role as far as being a leader on this ballclub ? COACH CALIPARI : He 's going to lead . We need him to be a catalyst . A guy who makes plays when they matter . A guy that comes every day , and it 's more consistent than it was a year ago . There were other games that it was like come on , man . So if you 're going to be a catalyst , our team has to know you show every game . It doesn 't mean you make every shot , it means you have the same kind of mentality every time you play , and you figure it out however you feel . So the good teams have more than one catalyst . We 'll have two or three catalysts on this team if we 're going to be what we think . And that means two or three guys come in and make plays . That happened to us last year . We ended up having a great will to win , but it was because those catalysts made plays at crunch time , and they were ready to make plays all the time . It wasn 't just one guy . Q . You said nobody even remotely looks like Demarcus . How much of a concern is that ? What does that mean for the team ? COACH CALIPARI : I 've never had a guy that remotely looked like Demarcus . And I had to coach a little different . I never had a guy that remotely acted like Demarcus . So I had to figure out - - we treated him like a son . That 's what he needed . He had to grow . He was a 14 - year - old when we got him here . And about 16 when he left ( laughing ) . But we coached him . And my wife and I , he was like our son . That 's how he needed to be coached . So , you know , I never had a guy that size that was that talented . That was the first one I 've ever had . He 's that good . Q . How old is he now ? COACH CALIPARI : I tell you what . Paul Westphal called me and said that he is unbelievable . He said he has his ups and downs and I knew what that meant . But I bet you he 's Bussing up at 19 , 18 , 17 , somewhere in there . Q . Since ( indiscernible ) went with you to Canada , can you talk about what you hope he does ? COACH CALIPARI : Well , we need him to perform . We need him to give us a presence . His size , rebounding , scoring ability around the goal . We need Josh to do the same . Josh has to elevate his game and get in better shape . With his minutes , prove that he needs more minutes . You know , we have that , and big Enes will be fine . Q . In terms of because he wasn 't with you in Canada how is his conditioning ? COACH CALIPARI : One of the things was Coach Hall comes to about just about every practice we 've had . But his comment was he 's better than I thought , which is good for me to hear . So he 's better than I thought too . Q . Can you talk about Randall Cobb getting ahold of you , and what that conversation was like ? Were you surprised ? COACH CALIPARI : I was with - - you know , he is a unique athlete , student , person . He was talking about leadership and asked me some things . What I kept coming back to is I don 't know football , and I did throw that ball 40 yards on a dime . Did you see that in Louisville ? But I really don 't know football . But I know people , so we just talked in those terms . One of the things I just asked him was does anybody work harder than him ? They said no . In practice ? No , he 's it . I said well , then you have a right to lead by example and try to help , be a servant leader . You don 't need to drag and have them there for you . Just how can I help you play better ? What can I do ? What more can I do ? Is there anything else ? So we just talked in those terms . But it was a good conversation because he 's just a wonderful young man . Q . Have you ever had an athlete from another sport reach out to you like that ? COACH CALIPARI : You know what , I 'll have - - I 'm trying to think . Yeah , I 've had some - - sometimes they 're afraid . This kid had the courage to come in and say can I meet with you ? But I meet with coaches of different sports . I 've watched them teach . They 'll come in and watch me . They may have me talk to their athletes . I had golf teams over my house last year when Bob Rotella was in . We talked to the golf team , and then Bob did his thing with them . I 've done it before . But this is - - I just want our football team to win , and that 's what he wants , and they 're right on the cusp of that . He 's just is there anything to get us to that , to eliminate those five plays that are costing us games right now . Whether it was at Mississippi or this game , he just was I want to win those games . We could have won those games . We were right there to win those games . Was there something ? And that 's great . That 's how bad he wants to win . He 's searching out the basketball coach , is there anything you can give me that may help me , may help my teammates ? Pretty powerful stuff , really . Q . Is he going to play basketball for you ? COACH CALIPARI : I did ask him that . That did come up as he walked out of my office . Q . What did he say ? COACH CALIPARI : He said I 'd love to do it . But I 've never watched him play basketball . I think he 's a lefty . Is he a lefty , because he went like this ? I was thinking is he left - handed ? Q . His first love . COACH CALIPARI : Do you know how many players in this state grow up saying I want to play basketball at Kentucky . So when you say your first love , I 'm the biggest fan of Kentucky basketball ever . Do you know how many of those people I 've met ? Q . He 's from Tennessee though ? COACH CALIPARI : Where 's he from ? No , I know , I know . Q . Can you talk about Doron and Jon Hood , what you see from them ? COACH CALIPARI : Well , Jon Hood 's playing much better , he 's comfortable . He still has a mindset if he misses shot making , it affects him for the next five minutes . He 's got to get through that . He 's got to get more either mentally tough or more confident in his own ability . Which sometimes players like Jon , I have more confidence in than they have in themselves and that is part of what coaching is to try to bring that out of them . Doron is like a multi - position player . He could play point guard , if had he to he could be a three . The positions we have are all interchangeable anyway . Whatever I told this team , whoever rebounds the ball , you bring it up . Here 's the point . Here comes Terrence Jones , rebound the ball , and he 'll go . But we 're expecting a lot from guys . The great thing is there are opportunities . You know , there weren 't - - there were chances . Last year 's chances for some of the guys to play . There just weren 't . These guys were good . You talked about our top 7 or 8 , we were at every position , you better have been really good to beat somebody up . Now there are spots there for those guys as they leave and we bring in new guys . Those spots are all open . Take it . Take one of those spots . Q . Would you say that you 're not as deep as you were last year ? COACH CALIPARI : I would say losing five first rounders will have an effect on us , and I don 't mean that to embarrass you . We 've replaced them with a lot of guys , but even everybody healthy and playing , everybody , we 're not going to be as deep as we were last year . Now I had one team in Massachusetts that I played six guys . It was the best team , team I 've ever coached that executed on defense and offense . And those six players were really happy players . I 've played six before . I 'll play six if that 's all I can play . Q . I 'm sure your kids are on the computer . Is there anyway to shelter them from this , or do you have to let them just sort of improve ? COACH CALIPARI : Well , I was going to tell them you 're not allowed to Twitter , and I thought , I better not do that since I 'm doing it . But you try to tell them - - but you 're telling them what you 're doing . You 're trying to explain it . Because you almost got to approach a 17 - year - old like he absolutely knows nothing , because in all likelihood , that 's true . Here 's the one thing that I 'll tell you , the information age is coming at you pretty fast . Life 's changing in this room . It 's just how it is . It 's changing for them too . The information age that they 're getting that 's being thrown at them . When we played - - I 'm 35 , so that wasn 't that long ago , we never knew of a ranking , an NBA ranking , like where you were ranked as a player . We didn 't see any of that . The other thing is I never talked to another player on another team in another school in another state , because I would have had to pick up that phone . I was at a university . I talked to the students the other day , and I talked to them about rotary phones . They didn 't know what a rotary phone was . They didn 't know what a rotary phone was . Oh , my gosh . But that just tells you how this has changed so fast . Now my players - - well , let me throw this at you . To get ahold of you when you grew up , they had to call your house . If you weren 't there , they called your house . If you weren 't there , what did that phone do ? Q . Kept ringing . COACH CALIPARI : How long would it ring ? Q . Forever . COACH CALIPARI : 50 times . How many of you - - we 've even got young guys looking at me saying I don 't know what this dude 's talking about . The phone rang , and some of us rang it 50 , 60 times . Why did we do that ? We hoped you got home by the time I hung up the phone . Now the call waiting , now the if I can 't get you at home , I 'll get you on your cell . They get you . Before , they had to fly to your town to come in and try to meet with you . Now it 's open season . AnyQ . What is the status of John ( Indiscernible ) ? Q . Now that you 've been here and on your second year , has your relationship , friendship with your coaching peers across the nation , can you sense it 's changed any or do you still have the same ? COACH CALIPARI : I still have the same friends , yeah . Q . Job hasn 't made any difference ? COACH CALIPARI : No , I don 't think so . I mean , maybe me being at Kentucky makes it a little different . Q . But you found out who your real friends are ? COACH CALIPARI : No , my friends are always been friends . The friends I have , and I have many , many friends in this profession . But I think you 're coaching at Kentucky , it 's dangerous , if you know what I 'm saying , because this can be a juggernaut . This is a competitive business . I know I don 't have many fans in Florida or Knoxville . Q . Or Louisville ? COACH CALIPARI : We have a lot of fans in Louisville . But there are a lot of places where they 're not supposed to like me . I 'm supposed to be the hated . You go to Georgia , do you think they love me ? Oh , they love you in Georgia . What ? They don 't love me in Georgia .
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" Hey , knuckleheads , don 't ride in the street , " Monica yelled from the porch . I jumped off my bike and walked it to the curb . Daryl and Keenie continued crisscrossing the empty residential street lined with tract homes . Once on the curb , I rode up the sweeping concrete - gray driveway to where my father and Clete stood in the garage . A 1963 Chevrolet Impala , its windows obscured with brown paper and masking tape , was parked in the interior . " I 've fucked over a thousand women , " Clete was saying to my dad , " and every one said thanks after , you know what I mean ? " My dad glanced down at me , his face going red . " I 'm good . I don 't need General Motors to make me a man . I can paint any car as long as it ain 't moving . I don 't need GM . " Clete , Daryl , Keenie and Monica lived down the street from us when I was ten years old . I often rode bikes with the boys up down our quiet street . My dad had an uneasy relationship with Clete . They had been hunting together a few times because Clete had a Jeep with four wheel drive . However , he used language that my father never used , and he was not particular keen on having me hear it . So these encounters between the two men were fraught with tension , Clete using his questionable language while my father rocked nervously back and forth on his heels . Even at ten years old , ignorant about the mysteries of sex and love , I thought Monica was beautiful . She was tall and lithe , like a dancer , with black hair and green eyes . The haunted look in her eyes only contributed to her beauty , and I did not understand what she feared . I just knew that I had a monstrous crush on her . " If it 's easy , I 'll take it twice ! " Clete laughed heartily and picked up his paint gun . As we made our way down the street , me walking my bike next to my dad , I could hear the hiss of the paint hitting the car . We walked to our own home seven doors down and across the street . The next day , I met Daryl and Keenie in the street . Clete was putting the finishing touches on the Impala , which was now an awesome blood red . Daryl was the oldest and attended the neighborhood public school . This was his second year in second grade . He had red hair and an unfathomable number of freckles spread across his face . On his upper lip was a ceaseless stream of green and yellow snot . He once stuck a small stone up his nostril in an attempt to staunch the flow . The snot continued to run and he had to go to the emergency room to have the stone removed . Keenie was a few years younger and blond . His face was always caked with dirt . He also drooled uncontrollably and little streams would run from each corner of his mouth . We decided to play " Chicken " on our bikes . Daryl had an old Schwinn he stole from a little girl at the park . I had a bike my parents bought for me two birthdays back . Keenie rode around on a plastic motorcycle that Daryl snatched from someone 's trash . The wheels were cracked and one pedal was just a metal bar , having long ago lost the plastic footpad . Keenie could not get enough speed on the cycle to keep up with us , so he usually lagged far behind . Daryl rode to the far west end of the street while I rode east to where the street curved . We started at Keenie 's signal , trying so hard to reach top speed that our chains slipped and the tires wobbled . Approaching top speed , we hurtled toward each other , laughing . At the last second , I veered off and rode up the driveway becoming a little airborne off the dead , brown grass of the lawn . Daryl kept going . In all the times we played this game , he never veered off first . He was fearless , or just plain stupid . I slid to a stop next to Keenie . " You 're a chicken , " he said to me , then quickly added so I wouldn 't get mad : " Tomorrow 's my birthday , I 'll be seven , you wanna come to my party ? " Keenie always said it was his birthday and then invited you to his party . I didn 't know when his real birthday was , and he never had a party . " I 'll be there . " I looked for Daryl and saw that he had turned around and was now racing back down the street from the east . A black , Ford pick - up passed Keenie and me , advancing toward Daryl who was at full speed flying toward the truck . I nervously glanced at the garage , but Clete was out of sight . The two objects raced toward each other , the monstrous black truck and the streak of red hair . Having nowhere to turn , the truck slammed on its brakes , but Daryl kept coming . He swung to the passenger side of the vehicle and slammed both fists on the hood of the truck as he passed , momentarily letting go of his handlebars . The horn blared and Daryl lost control of his bike , ramming the curb and flying over the front tire to land on his back . The driver backed up against his truck , hands raised in defense . Monica came from the house and ran to Daryl . Clete went right up to the driver , shoving the gun into his face . " Get in the truck and leave before I blow your fucking head off . " The driver edged away from the gun and got into his truck . Clete kept the weapon trained on the Ford until it rounded the curve at the end of the street and disappeared . Clete released the hammer and stuck the gun in his waistband . " Dumb ass , " he said . He walked back up the driveway and into the garage . When I told my parents what had happened , my father told me not to play with Daryl and Keenie again , but a few days later , Daryl showed up at our door . " You wanna come over for Christmas candy ? " Daryl asked . My dad was working the swing shift now and my mom was taking a shower . I figured I was safe , so I got my bike and rode with Daryl to his house . We threw our bikes on the lawn in the frosty air . " My dad and Monica and Keenie and me are going bird hunting Saturday , " he told me . " I 'm gonna shoot my new gun . You wanna come ? There might be snow . " I could not believe Daryl now had a gun . " It 's a . 410 . My dad had it when he was a kid . " We stopped at the garage to see Clete who was painting a dune buggy . His face was red and running with sweat despite the cold . The odor of stale beer , cigarettes , and paint made me lightheaded . " Hey knuckleheads , " he shouted over the blaring country music . He lost his balance and fell against the buggy , smearing gold - sparkle paint all over his bare chest . He laughed so hard he turned purple . His body looked thinner now , more wiry . He was a small man , but muscled and hard . He had a number of tattoos , one of which was a naked woman . " Knuckleheads , " Monica called from the porch . " Come on in . " She opened the door for us and we stomped into the house . Her face looked tired , and she had dark circles around her eyes . The haunted look was more noticeable . We sat at the dining room table and feasted on homemade Mexican sweetbreads and cupcakes . Clete staggered in and stripped down to his underwear in the living room . He threw the wad of clothes at Monica . " Those need washing , " he said . " How are my boys ? You coming hunting with us Saturday , Paul ? " I glanced at Clete . He was red and he wouldn 't look at her . " We don 't got the money , " he said through his teeth . He playfully kicked Keenie who was hiding under the table . " Clete , you know that 's not true . " He grabbed her by the neck and pushed her against the kitchen cabinets . I was out of my chair and through the front door in one smooth movement . I got on my bike and pedaled for home . My mother was sitting at the dining room table when I burst through the door . " Clete is fighting with Monica , " I said . " I think he was going to hit her . " " Your father told you not to go down there anymore . " My mother saw the fear in my face . " Sit down . " I fell into a chair . Lights flashed in my brain like Christmas tree bulbs . My legs were rubber . " What happens in that house is their business and none of yours . Do not go down there anymore and then you won 't be scared . " I managed to avoid Daryl and Keenie for almost two weeks . It wasn 't hard because the weather was cold and they did not play outside . The street was lonely and empty . Toward the end of the second week , Clete , Daryl and Keenie drove by with a large Christmas tree on top of the car . I grabbed my bike and meandered down the street in the cold early evening , hiding behind the parked cars until I found a position to spy from across the street . I saw the three of them working feverishly setting up the tree in their living room . As the multi - colored sets of lights twinkled in the window , Clete danced around the room screaming . I could hear Daryl 's hoarse voice trying to out - scream his father . Monica was not in sight . I strained my ears , but I could not hear her voice . Back at home , I took a bath and prepared for bed while my dad watched a football game in the living room and my mom talked on the phone . Sirens were common in our neighborhood , but they rarely came down our street . When they did , it was something of an event . I heard the long , low howl almost from the time it left the fire station a mile away . When it turned down our street , I heard my father get up and go outside . I quickly pulled on my jeans , tucked in my flannel pajama shirt , pulled on my tennis shoes and ran for the front door . Down the street surrounding Daryl and Keenie 's house was a swarm of blue and red flashing lights . I followed my father for a better look . Most of the lights were police cars , but there was one ambulance parked in the driveway . Two policemen were wrapping the perimeter of the property in yellow tape and detectives in suits stood around on the driveway and porch . I could see the periodic hyper - white flash of someone taking pictures in Clete and Monica 's bedroom , as if the house contained its own private lightning storm . Faintly behind the living room drapes I could see the lights of the freshly decorated Christmas tree . That night , I could not sleep . The lights from passing cars on the street outside my window made strange , film - like frames on the wall . Then rain came with a vengeance , pounding on the roof and cascading in streams down the windows . Thankfully , there was no thunder , just water from the sky in rivers down the walls of my house , soaking the earth . I handed the phone to my father . When he hung up the phone , he turned to my mother . " He wants me to come down . And he wants me to bring Paul . " " Suicide , " he laughed . " Wasn 't like her . " We stood in their bedroom . Clete wore rubber fly - fishing pants and a flannel shirt with silver paint stains . In his hand was a long , wooden - handled wire brush . There were huge , brownish splotches and splatters all over the bedroom wall and a large , red stain on the bed . Clete stood there in his rubber pants which ended in rubber boots , scrubbing the huge stains and most of the paint off onto the plastic sheeting covering the floor . " Tore up all the carpet , " he said . " Blood soaked through and stained the sub - flooring . " I gripped my father 's hand so tight my nails dug into his freckled skin . He did not seem to feel it . The room was harshly cold and brightly lit , reeking of ammonia and Ajax . " I 've said it before , " Clete continued , oblivious . " I 've had over a thousand women . But I loved only one , God rest her soul . " He struck out savagely at the stains . They dissolved slowly and ran in red rivulets down the wall and into a puddle . " Kids nearly stopped it , you know . " He quit scrubbing and stared at us as if we were transparent . " Yeah . Two seconds earlier she wouldn 't have pulled the trigger . She used Daryl 's . 410 . Even small bore shotguns make a hell of a mess . I bet the kids startled her . She was here with the butt of the gun resting on the bed and the barrel in her stomach . I think Keenie screamed and startled her when he walked in . Yeah . That 's what happened . " He went back to scrubbing the wall . Two days later was Christmas Eve . My parents were locked in their room wrapping presents when someone knocked . It was Clete . I got my father and he came to the door , but did not invite him in . " Yeah , listen , we 're pulling out . Montana , maybe . I 'm about nuts , you know , and I can 't get the blood out . It just won 't come out . The bedroom is ruined . She really did a number on us . " He ran his hand through his greasy hair . " I 'm sorry we never had no funeral , but that is probably the way she 'd want it . " " No , no , she made the choice for us . She deserves what she gets you know , " he said , his voice rising . " I buried her at the Mission . Grave is in the directory . Could I ask you to throw some flowers her way once in a while ? " " Listen , can you make the flowers , whatever they are , you know , carnations , roses . Can you make them red ? Just red . No other colors . " It took the police almost a full week to get around to interviewing my father . They stayed almost two hours . My father told them what he knew of Clete , how he had been fired for fighting with other workers at GM . The detectives seemed to trust my father . They talked about the circumstances of Monica 's death , how her arms were not long enough to reach the trigger of the shotgun with her stomach pressed against the barrel . They tried to explain to my dad about bullet trajectories , blood spatter patterns , and homicide . By the time the detectives started putting the pieces together , the Christmas tree I watched them put up was stuffed in the trash can , ornaments and all , and set out on the curb for the after - holidays pick - up . The garage was padlocked . The front door stood ajar , creaking on its hinges . Cats roamed in and out of the house and although the valuable stuff was removed , some of the furniture , including the bloodstained mattress , remained . Ghosts haunted the place , but the knuckleheads were gone . I would love to know who is commenting . Therefore , please use the selections below to identify yourself . Anonymous is so impersonal . If you do not have a blog or Google account , use the Name / URL selection . Thanks . If you want to be a better writer , you must put it out there . Forget talent , forget brilliance , or trying to be clever . If you want to impro . . .
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byScorpio44a © [ This story includes ( but is not limited to ) heterosexual relationships between a man and a woman , another man and the same woman and no cheating . No one gets horns hung on them in this story and no one gets divorced . The people in this story do not actually exist . The places mentioned in the story exist . ] Now that I am ready to tell this story I find that it begins before I am in it . Julie starts the story fully a year before we met . She turned eighteen one year to the day before we met . July 24th . A Saturday . She and a dozen or so of her friends drove to the Kern River and camped for the weekend . The trip was to celebrate summer , not specifically Julie 's birthday . Of the dozen or so people gathered for the trip four had invited themselves along . Brian was one of the four . Julie had been watching Brian for over a year . He was a year older than her and had been dating Julie 's friend Jolene for most of the year . As she tells it now Jolene had shared with her friends that Brian was hung and liked sex with her . She shared with Julie her fear of Brian and the fact that he was sometimes violent and more often something of a sadist . As Julie watched she saw the way Brian treated Jolene and it was as if Jolene was his toy . He didn 't give her presents or spend much money on her . He spoke to her as if being with him was reward enough for her to be satisfied with her lot in life . On Saturday morning as the rest of the group were preparing breakfast Brian came out of his tent . He finished buttoning his shirt as he walked to their table and he said , " I 'm done with Jolene . She needs to move into a tent with someone else . Anyone want her ? " Brian answered as he poured himself a cup of coffee . " Done . Finished . I don 't want her any more . I told her a few minutes ago to pack her shit and get out of my tent . " Another acquaintance , Mark , asked , " Why ? What did she do wrong ? " Both Mark and Sam had been looking at Jolene with interest ever since they had arrived at the campground . Julie was stunned . She didn 't think Brian had ever really noticed her . He made his statement and then sat next to Julie at the table . Sam asked , " What if Julie isn 't interested in you ? " He faced her and kissed her . She struggled but could not stop him from kissing her . Brian was bigger than the other guys on the camping trip and they knew he had been in fights before and hurt the guys he fought , so they let him have his way . After breakfast he had Julie move her things into his tent and for the rest of the camping trip he treated her as if she should be grateful he picked her . She confided in me that during that weekend she stopped being a virgin and got her first couple of lessons in sucking a cock . When she told Brian she didn 't want sex with him or anyone he hit her and threatened her until she gave in . When the campout was over Brian made it known in their social circle that Julie was his property and that she had given him the gift of her virginity . He let everyone know he was having sex with her whenever he wanted . She cried almost every day . She was humiliated and her friends all felt badly for her . On the weekend of her nineteenth birthday Brian organized a birthday breakfast for her . The entire group would meet at a small café they frequented near Ojai . It wasn 't a surprise party for Julie . He told her all about it . He also told her she was paying for the breakfast for everyone . He didn 't have a job . Julie worked at the local wholesale produce distributer when she wasn 't in school . She didn 't make big money and she pitched in to help her mom with the household expenses using a big part of what she made . Paying for a big breakfast was not what she wanted to do , on her birthday or any other day , but Brian wasn 't listening . He invited who he wanted and Julie knew the bill would come to her . I had a new car . I picked it up Friday afternoon from the Honda dealer . A brand new Honda CR - V . I 'm an outdoor kind of guy and the small SUV suited my lifestyle perfectly . I packed it up and headed away from Santa Monica early Saturday morning . I thought a road trip was a good way to enjoy my first days with my new car . The weather was perfect , warm and clear . I drove north and took the road to Ojai figuring I would stop and get some fresh - off - the - trees oranges . As I drove past thousands of orange trees I saw the small café and it looked like a good place to have breakfast , so I stopped . Inside I sat at a table by myself and after I ordered I watched a group of young people sitting not far from me . They seemed to be faking having a good time . One of the men at the table seemed to be the alpha male , dominating the conversation and dominating each of the others at the table . He had his arm around one of the girls , with his hand holding her breast as if that were normal , acceptable behavior . I wondered why she would allow that . I wondered if she liked being used that way . Shortly after my breakfast was delivered he got up from their table and said , " I 'm gonna go take a dump . Julie , pay the bill and leave her a nice tip . When I get back your birthday breakfast is over . Don 't forget to thank your friends for coming . " I watched him strut all the way to the restrooms at the back of the café . As soon as the door closed behind him the entire group got up and left the café . Julie got money out of her wallet and paid the bill . I saw a tear on her cheek as the waitress took the money and walked away from her . I motioned and the waitress came to me . " Yup . They come in about once a month or so . The guy orders and she pays . Don 't matter if it 's just the two of them or a group , he orders and she pays . " " Write down the license number off his car and give her back her money . I 'll pay for their breakfasts , but I want you to act like I didn 't . Get him to pay , or call the police . " I gave her a hundred dollars , cash , and she thanked me . She and I walked to their table and I said , " Julie , she 's going to give you back your money . You and I are leaving before that guy comes back from the restroom . That is , unless you like being treated like his servant . " " No ! I still live with my parents . He doesn 't want me to live with him , in case he gets tired of me . It will be easier to dump me when he 's through if I live at home . " " Call your parents . Let them know that you 're safe and that you won 't be home this weekend . Let them know they are not to tell Brian where you are or who you 're with . By the end of the weekend we 'll have a plan for Brian . " " You don 't , but you already know what life with Brian is like . You can go back to him or we can find you a better way to live . However , if you say so , I 'll take you back to him . " She called her Mom , gave her my cell number and begged her not to give the number to Brian . She told her Mom I had rescued her and we were headed for the desert . She hung up the phone and sat quietly looking out the window . " Camping . I don 't know where yet . We 'll decide before dark . Don 't worry , I 'm not going to rape you . I 'm a nice guy . " She didn 't say anything for three miles , when she spoke it was as if she was talking to herself . " Brian did it a year ago and seventy - three times since . He doesn 't understand the word no . " She said the words with almost no emotion . I stayed quiet and she eventually told me the story . We were north of Solvang and it was mid - day . I saw a mall just off the highway and so I got off the highway and parked . I walked us into Wal - Mart and said , " You didn 't pack for a weekend away , so there are things you need . We 're here to get them . " " I can 't spend money like that . Most of my check has already been spent by Brian . What I have left is what the waitress gave me back and it needs to last me two weeks . I need to be able to give my mom something towards the bills , too . " " Ok . " She didn 't smile . She was resigned to the possibility that I was going to have sex with her . Given her year with Brian I understood her thinking . I also understood that she didn 't know me . We ate at the Apple Farm Restaurant and then drove maybe two miles from there and into a small motel . She stayed in the car while I registered . As I filled out the card in the office I realized I didn 't know her last name , just Julie . I carried my backpack and the bags from the mall into room five . Julie followed me inside . She sat on the one closest to the bathroom door . She smiled at me and I said , " Ok , that one is yours . " I opened my backpack and found one of my t - shirts . I tossed it to her and said , " Here 's your nightgown . We forgot to buy you one in Wal - Mart . " She stood and held the t - shirt to her , we both noted that it was long enough to cover her panties . She sat back down and said , " It feels strange being here with you . I don 't even know your last name , what you do for a living or anything about you . " She nodded , holding up the phone . I said , " Pick any speed dial number on the phone . Call the number and tell them I handed you the phone so you could ask questions about me . Let the people I know tell you who I am . " She opened the phone and hit the speed dial . She spoke into the phone , " Hi . My name is Julie and I 'm . . . I 'm on a date with Pete . He 's letting me call you on his phone and ask questions about him . " She paused and asked , " What does he do for a living ? " Her eyes got wide and she asked , " Has he been married ? What happened ? How long have you known him ? " As she listened she looked at the floor for a while then back at me . She thanked whoever she had called and ended the call . Her eyes were full of tears and she said , " I 'm sorry your wife and son died . I 'm sorry you have been alone for three years . " " You don 't need to tell me who you called . Whoever it was is probably on the phone right now to tell my other friends that I 'm on a date . They have all been after me to get back to living . " I picked up my room key and said , " I 'll be right back . " I left the room and walked half a block to a 7 - 11 where I bought a box of microwave popcorn and a six - pack of sodas . When I came back into our room Julie was in bed , wearing my t - shirt and covered to her waist . I smiled and popped a bag of popcorn into the microwave in our room . When it finished popping , I opened the bag and gave it to her . I popped a second bag and while it popped I took off my shoes and sat on my bed . I said , " I 'm going into the bathroom to get ready for bed . When I 'm ready to come out I 'll tell you . I usually sleep nude , but since this is our first date , I 'll keep my underwear on . " I closed the door with me inside the bathroom . I showered , shaved and drained my bladder . As I shaved I realized I hadn 't shaved at night since my wife and son died . I felt a painful pressure in my chest thinking about them . I heard a voice in my head saying , ' It 's Ok to heal . It 's Ok to love again . ' The voice in my head sounded a lot like Sarah 's voice . Sarah had been my wife . I shut off the light and we settled in for the night . I listened to her breathe for a long time . It was a comforting sound . I realized I had been missing the sound of someone else 's breathing ever since Sarah and Michael died . I did fall asleep . I woke suddenly to the sounds of an argument in the dark . A male voice said , " Get your ass back in this room , Darlene ! " The voices were just outside our door . " You 'd have to ask her ! " I got out of bed , pulled on my jeans and opened our door . The couple looked at me and I said , " I don 't mind if you argue , but could you whisper ? We 're attempting to sleep . " I said , " I don 't need to . I am a police officer . Please , let me go back to sleep . " I closed the door . I padded back to bed , dropped my jeans on the floor and climbed in . When I was in I moved to settle in again when I felt a hand on my shoulder . " Sure . " I wrapped her in my arms and she molded herself to my side . It didn 't take her long before she was making breath sounds that told me she was asleep . Holding her against me in the dark was something else I had missed . She felt a lot like Sarah used to feel and yet different . After a few minutes I realized I was crying . I missed Sarah more than I would admit , even to myself . Julie had opened me to the feelings I had suppressed for years . I did sleep . When I opened my eyes it was light in the room . It was daylight . Julie was still holding herself against me . We hadn 't moved in hours . I breathed . I hadn 't known I was holding my breath , but I had been . I moved a little , starting to get up and start our trip to her mom 's house . " Yesterday was our first date . I don 't like sex on first dates . Brian raped me on our first time together . This is our second date . I trust you won 't rape me . I 'd like it if we could include sex on our second date . " We kissed and I 'm sure she felt my penis swelling and letting her know how interested I was in sex with her . She sat up , peeled off my t - shirt and her panties , then she lifted my hands to her breasts . " Brian complained because they are small . " " They look and feel perfect to me . " I sat up and kissed her , still holding her breasts in my hands . As I kissed and explored her body I found bruises in various stages of healing . She told me about each one . What Brian was upset about , what he had been drinking , or what had set him off that had included her because she was available . When I scooted down on the bed and my face got close to her mound she said , " You 'll be the first to kiss me there . " " This date may have a lot of firsts in it . " I said as I breathed on her mound . Then I kissed the inside of her thighs and she shuddered . I didn 't hurry . When I finally licked along her slit she moaned loudly and shook . Her hands grasped my head and held me to her pussy . Stopping was not on my agenda . I licked , kissed and probed her with my tongue . I felt her body quiver and her back arch as the orgasm swept over her . I hesitated , waiting for her to calm just a little so I could join with her towards another orgasm . I started to move up along her body when she rolled us both over and she mounted me . As she lowered herself , impaling herself on my cock she said , " Oh ! Oh yes ! " " I can say it now . I love being here with you , Pete . " She leaned forward and as our orgasms swept over us , we kissed . We kissed many times and only paused when I popped out of her . She untangled herself from me and raced into the bathroom . I nodded and motioned her back to the bed . " Don 't gauge the world by the opinions of a bully . He 's never been in love , never intended to love someone other than himself . He thinks fucking is what women are for and he 's wrong . " byScorpio44a © 26 comments / 53185 views / 18 favoritesShare the loveTweetReport a BugSubmit bug reportNext4 Pages : 1231234GoLogin or Sign UpStoriesPoemsStory SeriesTags PortalChatForumAdult StoreMoviesWebcamsMobile VersionFAQSearchEnglish | Spanish | German | French | Dutch | Other languagesAll contents © Copyright 1998 - 2012 . Literotica is a trademark . 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As the days accumulate after my victorious escape from the clutches of my parents ' narcissism , the nightmares have grown in frequency and have led me to be a generally awful person to be around . I find comfort in virtually nothing except emptying my mind of all thoughts by watching mindless YouTube videos or looking through old friends ' 1000 - count Facebook album photos . This isn 't the life I want to live and I am trying my best to find ways to confront my guilt and fear . I left the apartment of theirs in a rather chaotic rush , leaving more than half of my belongings behind . Treasured books and curtains I took weeks to select were all parted with in a matter of an hour . Their narcissism had become increasingly threatening , had made my boyfriend lose his job ( a more detailed story for later ! ! ) , and made me feel generally uncomfortable and unhappy . I had spent my whole life working to be the person that they wanted me to be : I chose the college they wanted me to choose , tried to get into graduate school to make them happy , and always showed them grades that proved I 'd excelled . It didn 't matter . Their response was always , " okay , keep it up . " If anything was out of line in the house like a dish being left out or an argument between my brother and I flared up , the repercussions fell on me because I was always the inevitable target . I finally knew there was only one choice to make : give my things up and fit what I could in the car , or leave everything I 'd worked for and fall again into their world of obligation and shame . . . . only this time it would be worse for " putting them through what they had to go through with my latest rebellion . " In a movie - like escape , I fled , middle - of - the - night style and moved to a place where I am allowed to be myself . However , any daughter of a narcissist ( and anyone that enables them ) knows that recovery comes not only with physical distance , and I 've been completely unable to distance myself from them . The nightmares come in many forms . Either I dream they find me here and pull me from the life I 've made for myself . . . literally . . . . by the hair . . . into their car , or it 's a dream about how they follow me from place to place and there is always someone watching me making me feel guilty about what I 'm doing , like , private investigator style . Sometimes I even dream about one of many moments in my past where I felt such guilt and shame that I wanted to melt into the floor , like the times she embarrassed me in front of people for her humor or when she 'd wake me in the middle of the night to yell at me because she knew I 'd be too sleepy to respond and she 'd finally get her unabashed say in how things should be . This has become and every day affair . I haven 't been able to properly deal with how I feel about them as we are already financially pressed and I do not have the time to regularly confront the issue in some sort of guided therapy . Reading self - help books ( like " Will I Ever Be Good Enough ? " by Dr . Karyl McBride , which I highly suggest and daughters of narcissists read ) and YouTube DIY videos are my only comfort , and even that isn 't really good enough . Even without them here , I am unable to feel rested , and I 've grown increasingly grouchy over the past few days wondering whether all of the moves I 've made are really worth it . Maybe they 're right , or I 'm wrong , or something . Why did I put all of my loved ones through this ? Nobody deserves to be dragged into this mess . And what if I 'm really crazy and have just been portraying my side well enough ? Then they 're efforts are really for naught . And how about all of the people I 've been surrounded with who are doing fine ? How are they doing it ? Doesn 't everyone have problems ? Why aren 't their problems affecting them like mine are ? Simply put , excuse my French , I constantly feel like a piece of shit . Any little remark from anyone that has any sort of criticism or negativity mixed in sends me into a whirlwind of shittiness and memories of always not feeling good enough . What 's worse is that the exhaustion doesn 't just come in an emotional form . I am physically deteriorating which is ridiculous for a person to be experiencing in her twenties . The stress they perpetually bring , even without their physical presence or close proximity , has taken its toll on my back and neck and have caused me to remain fatigued , even when I 've slept for upwards of twelve , thirteen hours . I am in constant pain and have trouble picking things up that I 've dropped on the floor because my muscles are so tense . I need to look into coping mechanisms like writing about it like I 'm doing here , but do any daughters of narcissists have any suggestions ? I know I 've already taken the right steps in distancing myself , and I don 't think I 'm quite ready to send them a letter acknowledging my hurt as I 've already tried that and send myself into a two - day mental breakdown , but is there anything you do to separate yourself from your guilt ? Do you have a hobby or is it more than that ? I try to find solace in my husband but sometimes I just feel like he 's pushing me too quickly , of course unintentionally . I don 't blame him , but he just doesn 't understand the extent of my weakness . My husband and my second cat did not get along , and so when I gave him up to another family ( for both of their sakes ) , I was pretty devastated . I felt like I had let the cat down ; like he was a representative of the vulnerability I had all through childhood , and how me , without child , could exhibit traits of patience and kindness to him . I could be , for this cat , the mother that * I * never had . This is absolutely ridiculous considering he went to an exceptionally good family home with a kind and soft - spoken mother , her patient and loving husband , and their two gentle little boys . They were the perfect recipients of my pseudo - child , and perhaps could be more for this cat that I was being at the time . It is also ridiculous because I cannot live vicariously through a cat and expect to get by on the feelings I am * assuming * he feels . Such is the personality of someone traumatized from a lifetime of dealing with a narcissist . I had become the scapegoat for even the most minute events that happened in our household growing up , and I never came out of an argument the victor . Every conversation I 've ever had with my mother has only left me a little more wounded or ashamed . A typical random jab would go as such : How did we even get to that ? And how do you just openly say something like that ? My mother is in her mid 60 's and she is not going to hit her death bed for another 30 years minimum , I guarantee it . It is in her genes . Her father died at 86 and her mother at 92 . She looks like she is MAYBE 50 years old . She is constantly at the gym and worried about her physique ( as any wealthy narcissist NEEDS to do ) , but she is not worried about the simple things that people don 't see like mammograms or routine dental checkups . The irony is that she complains about how she is going to die all the time , which is an excuse she got from her brother dying of a mesothelioma - like cancer from being exposed to toxins all the time ( constantly going in basements for work . . . you catch my drift ) . A simple cough turns into an exaggerated illness of the rarest kind - - she even milks it up to sound worse if you 're talking to her . " Maybe I 'm going to die , " she coughs , " you never know . " No , actually , I do know . You don 't even have a cold . Something went down your throat the wrong way when you were shoving it down and hiding it from everyone . If she wanted to take care of her health , she 'd make an attempt to stop being stressed about every little blip on the radar that comes her way . Yeah , sometimes the house gets a little messy . Sometimes things leak . Sometimes things don 't go perfectly at work . She makes these issues life - or - death situations which , inevitably , pile up and cause death . Somehow , she thrives off of these things . And somehow , I feel like I owe her something due to the fact that she said it . Imagine she actually died after making a comment like that ? I 'd feel guilty forever . So , again , I 'd keep getting drawn in . Anyway , I digress . My ( now ) husband knew I was devastated over the cat and allowed me time to appropriately heal from the ridiculousness I was feeling . He fully explained to me that a cat cannot be a life I vicariously find happiness through , although I have a right to be sad to let go of a pet . Once I worked on these feelings , he decided he really did want another cat ( but not one that did not get along with him ) , and so we decided to go to the pound to get another one . ( I avidly support animal adoption . ) * * An important note here is that we were living in a building at the time that is owned by my parents ' company . That issue is a long one for another day , but let 's just say I 'm happy I 'm out of there as of now . The fact that we lived there ( and were decent , rent - paying tenants ) , is a major topic of contention for what follows . * * When we get to the pound , instead of being directed straight towards the section with cats and kittens , we pass the section of dogs . Even while I was single and living by myself I had always dreamed of owning a dog . I had one when I was still living in my parents house in high school , and I love animals . However , I couldn 't find the time to care for a dog by myself , especially with a cat already in the house . After a little bit of trying to talk myself out of it , I cannot resist going in the dog section and having a look . Almost every dog is yappy and jumpy , two personality traits that would not mesh with an apartment building and the crazy complaining tenants that live there ( who would complain to my parents . . . see the issue ? ) . However , when I get to the end of the row , I see King . He , my husband , and I all clicked . He is composed and quiet , but not fatigued in any way , just sitting properly to see if we would have a look . Instantly , I knew I wanted to take this animal home . I also knew a dog would not be something my parents would be too fond about my having , but I decide to be strong and do what is going to make me happy ( and make my husband happy because he wanted one too ! ) . We take him home and I 'm finally at peace . He is quiet and behaved and sweet , and just has a little bit of separation anxiety . He cries a little bit when we leave him , but stops and goes to sleep , an issue we can work on and fix in a matter of a couple months . I don 't get a text message or a phone call from my already - enraged - due - to - losing - control parents asking about why I have a " large dog " in my apartment and what we can do to solve the disagreement about my having it . No , instead I get a 10 Day Notice to Cure or they will commence an eviction which takes about two more legal business days . Basically , their lawyer sent me a notice saying " other tenants have been complaining . You have a little more than a week to get rid of the dog or I 'm throwing you out . Sincerely , the lawyer for your parents . " Talk about trying to exercise control . I would have been happy to have the discussion and arrange something had they been open with me . They 're not just my landlords . They 're supposed to be my parents . However , I know that the Notice to Cure is not just about the dog . They 're upset that my boyfriend isn 't what * they * imagined for me . They 're upset that I don 't call them every day anymore . That I 'm not slaving working for them . You get my point . They 're mad that I 'm not their robot anymore , and they 'll do anything to take me down . The dog is a perfect excuse . Well , at that point , I flew into devastation again . We could not afford to live anywhere else as my husband had just started his job , and I was in transition from working for my parents and being deliberately underpaid ( aka they knew I didn 't have enough to eat after I paid the rent ) . I was not getting rid of the dog . I couldn 't do it . So , we scrambled for every option . I called Pet Hotlines and reached out to everyone we knew for foster care . Fortunately , a family friend took him for a couple of weeks so we could find a little more time to figure out how to get out . All I get in the meantime is a message from my mother which basically asks what has become of me and why I continue to do such hateful things to MY family . ( Hah , MY family ) Why , she asks me , would I reject people that have given me everything ? That * is * a question she would ask . I choose not to respond as I am not ready to do it in a respectful manner and it would probably only send me backwards at this point . I cannot afford a therapist at the moment . I 'm working on all of this myself . Simply put , I would have been caught in their net for so much longer had the dog not caused their lawyer to send Notice to Cure . ( By the way : turns out neighbors weren 't complaining , it was passed along to us that my parents had hired a private investigator to follow us . Weird . ) I finally took the step and was courageous enough to move out of a place they owned , a place that was so familiar to me in a sick obsessive way . It really was an action that was so straightforward instead of the perverse " we love you so we 're doing this horrible thing to you " . I still feel really out of my element ; I 'm in a totally different place with a different vibe and its unfamiliarity makes me nervous . I was so comfortable being a child due to being treated like a child . I had grown comfortable being told what to do and who to be , even with argument and tantrum . However , I 'm ready to learn how to be an act like an adult . I am married and in a totally new place now . It 's time to start over and figure out who I want to be . Throughout my childhood , I was afforded all of the finer things in life : all of the gifts I could have ever dreamed up - - from Barbies to books to clothes from boutique stores , the luxury of private school and fancy birthday parties . However , as I transitioned from little girl to moldable teen to developed adult , I managed to realize that things weren 't quite the same in my house as they were in others . I may have been wealthy and well - to - do , but I knew somehow underneath it all that I was a victim of something truly subversive . My mother , without question , is a narcissist . She has a full blown disorder . I could write for years about the stories that come out of my childhood , and even more so my teenage years . About the accumulation of wounds that have turned me , simply put , into a traumatized human being . About how my mother was just about the most narcissistic human being to walk the planet ; each conversation was about her and how hard her pampered life had truly been . How she learned it from her mother . About the unnecessary demands and the soap she 'd shove into my mouth when I spoke up for what I believed in . About how she 'd rile up my father into an angry hulk - like monster who would lose himself and take it out on me . About how I always carried around the guilt and feelings of shame for not being able to make others happy - - and how when I would express even an inkling of independence they 'd convince others I was disobedient and mentally unstable . However , I 've decided to take a step back from getting it all out at once and write more specifically about how I 'm feeling on my path to recovery , and which of those stories are relevant to the roadblock I 'm facing . To give you JUST a little bit of background , I was , as I 've mentioned , a wealthy girl from a wealthy city surrounded by luxury in a home I was not allowed to touch ( apparently the oils in our hands will disintegrate the whole house ) . I was raised by an au pair ( who I thank to this day for making me normal ) . I was taught to love things and people * with * things . I was taught that I was to marry someone in the same religious , financial , racial , and political background as I ( aka them ) . I wore what they wanted me to wear . I cut my hair how she wanted it cut . I studied what she wanted me to study . I went to University close to our home because I knew it was what she wanted . Finally , however , I decided to make a change , simply because deep down I am not that person . I tried to be an asshole , I really did . I wore Lacoste and tried to like the boys I was supposed to like . It really didn 't work at all . I want to learn the things I want to learn , love who I want to love and speak how I want to speak . Narcissists do not like these things , and have caused the inevitable crumbling that has taken place . Fast forward through all of the drama I will take time to disclose as I am reminded of it through the upcoming months , I am now NOT in that wealthy city , not provided with a single dime from their estate , in a home filled with loving people who are helping me transition from traumatized to empowered . I am surrounded now ( finally ) by people I can hug and love and sometimes even curse in front of without threat of reprimand . If they have two , they find a way to give me three . I am now married to one of these people . I am meeting and choosing to reach out to those I felt are / were genuine in my life , which sadly is not many - - I suppose this is primarily because I was surrounded my whole life by people who were also driven by the love of money and their grandiose selves . I am no longer on the short leash with the choke collar I 've been on my whole life . I am finally emerging from the cloud of confusion and feelings of self deprecation and shame . However , I am in the period where I accidentally reflect on a memory and fall into the same feelings of shame all over again . I still feel like a hurt puppy with no say in my life 's pathway . That 's all going to change , and I hope you take the time to continue your recovery with me . I want to hear your stories . I hope we can find a way to acknowledge and confront that we truly were victims . For too long I 've been carrying the guilt of not having the family I wanted . It is my turn to live a happy life . I am a fresh 22 years old , recently married to a really good guy , a working girl , and a new stepmama . After facing a lifetime of narcissistic , subversive abuse ( an act bestowed upon and taught to the women of our Italian family for generations ) , I cut off contact and moved to a different state as of March 2012 . I am in recovery and am using this blog as an outlet to document and improve upon my severe PTSD and emotional disability that stem from an incomplete and tainted childhood .
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I am not sure whether Lidl 's stores carry the same offers at the same time around the world , but if they do , you may have seen that last week they had stacks of their popular card and paper pads , and also some Christmas pads that contained several designs of printed vellum , each with a matching printed card and a plain paper . So of course , I bought one . For this card I have just used some little pieces of the green and red vellum , with the plain green paper . I like these pads because they are B sizes rather than the usual A sizes found in UK , and one sheet cut in half will make two European cards that fit the standard envelopes out here . They are just a bit bigger than an A6 card and give you a little more space to work in . I have used a plain white base card , covered with a large mat of green paper , and then a white mat cut along the lower edge with the holly die . I edged the white top layer with strips cut from the printed vellum , and stamped the centre with my favourite holly stamp by Penny Black . This is one of my oldest stamps and it has been used every year since I bought it . The sentiment was stamped and die cut using a Sizzix / Hero Arts set that I recently won in Pixie 's Snippets Playground . To finish off , and give it a little bling , I added tiny red gems for the holly berries in the border , and red liquid pearls for the berries on the stamped image . The top layer was cut from the matching printed card from the Lidl 's pad , with the snowflake border along the lower edge . I used the piece from the centre of the blue layer to cut the sentiment with a Creative Expressions die . Then I found a snippet of white paper and stamped the snowman , another very old but much loved and used stamp by Fun Stamps . I added some colour and cut him out to stand beside the sentiment . Then two more snippets of white and irridescent silver were used to die cut a snowflake for the top corner . There is some stickles glitter glue on the snowman 's hat trim and bobble , and along the base of him , and some on the white snowflake and the centres of the flakes in the border . None of that shows in the photo , but it does add a nice bit of sparkle . One blue gem in the centre of the snow flake finished it off . Having got this far I thought I might as well use the third border so I looked for something ' starry ' . In the end I again cut a white base card and this time I made a mat using bright yellow card from my snippets folder , embossed with an Embosilicious folder , and cut with the star border die along the lower edge . I then used a Memory Box die to cut a topper from a snippet of starry paper , and stamped , coloured and cut a cute little Christmas star character from another snippet of white card . The stamp is a very ancient Anita 's image . I knew I had it but it took a bit of finding ! I added some gold - ice stickles to his hat trimmings , and to the smaller stars on the border and the embossed design . I finished it off with a sentiment cut from a little piece of dull gold card with a Signature die ( I think ) . It 's not the most usual colour for a Christmas card , but it is nice and cheerful . Last week I showed some of the items I have been working on , ready for a charity market this morning . So here are the items I have made this week . For all of them my Silhouette cameo has been my main tool . The first two were a case of chosing some files and sizing them to fit on to purchased objects . Firstly I bought two plain eight - sided jars with glass stoppers , from a todo shop that was closing down . I lined them with white tissue paper studded with silver glitter , and filled them with Spanish chocolates . Then I down - loaded the snowman file from My SVG Hut , and downsized it , and by cutting it twice , it fitted perfectly around the taller jar . For the smaller jar I used various files from my silhouette library . Then I found suitable ribbons to tie a bow round the neck of each jar . Next I used two more files from My SVG Hut . On this site there was a note to say these can be resized to suit your project , but we recommend that you do not cut them smaller than 7 x 7inches . I made them less than half that size and they cut beautifully . Even the tiny stars and snowflakes cut perfectly . I love my silhouette when it works with me like that ! I used transfer tape to place them on to round mirror plates with clear beaded edges , and sold each one wrapped with a silver candle with a blue bow on it . It is almost impossible to get a good photo of a mirror , but I wanted to show the detail in these designs . The next two files I used came from a designer I have not used before . Her shop is called Etceteras4U . I saw some of these made up on a Facebook page , and just had to have a go . The ones on the left are made from twelve little flower shapes , again cut on my silhouette . They slot together , which is a bit fiddly , but I guess the mathematician in me , helped me to understand how it would work . As a child I made a big collection of polygons ( solid shapes ) , and I loved their names as well as their shapes . This is based on an icosahedron , which is made up of twelve identical triangles , and that is how this bauble fitted together . There was no gluing involved . Once the last pair of sides are locked into place , the shape is very stable . I then used a long crochet hook to thread some beads on a string , and then pull it through to add some more beads at the top , and make a hanging loop . The one on the right is made from just three strips of card , perforated at the circular folds , and then just linked together . Again , it needed a little patience to get it right , but I love the shape that results from it . Again I used my crochet hook to add the tassel or ribbons , some beads and a hanging loop . I liked the red one when it was made , so I had another go using some ancient bright pink mirri card , and it also worked well . I have been asked to do a workshop to make these at my Wednesday sewing group , so I will try to get some cut out before then . In the same shop that is closing down , mentioned above , I bought some mirri - card . It was their final days and they were nearly giving things away . They had packs of huge sheets of mirri - card , bigger than A2 , that 's more than 4 sheets of A4 card , with six sheets in each pack , and they were just 2 € a pack , so I bought a bronze - red pack , a blue pack and a green pack . That should make quite a few ornaments for us , and leave me with enough to keep me happy for years ! My final make was a last minute effort but I am so glad I did it . I bought this file a few years ago , and I can 't remember where from . It is called a mindscape , and these images used to belong to Inkadinkadoo stamps . I am not sure whether the cutting files are still available , but I believe someone shares them via pinterest . I was too intimidated to even try cutting it when I first bought it , but having used vinyl quite a lot now , I really wanted to have a go . It wasn 't perfect first time , and I had to redo parts of it . Then it was a nightmare to weed out the unwanted bits . Next I found a shadow frame that I bought at The Range on my last UK visit , and cleaned the glass ready to transfer the cut vinyl . I made a major mistake then . I have a very large roll of transfer tape which I hate , but I can 't afford to discard it . It is much too sticky , so before I use it I have to wrap it around my arms , or pat it on a towel . Do this too much , and it won 't pick up the image . Do it too little , and it picks it up but won 't let go of it . And that is what I did with this . So I had to sit with a pricking tool , carefully easing each tiny section onto the glass , and then making sure I didn 't touch it again with the transfer tape or it would pick it up again . But patience was rewarded and I finally got the image transferred . Then I placed some very loosely woven linen with gold glitter through it , behind the glass , and some pale yellow vellum behind that . It looked really pretty too . Don 't you just love that image ? Look at all the tiny animals , birds and people that are used to make up the main picture . For the final step I stapled a set of ten LED lights across the inner frame so they shine through the vellum when they are switched on . They just look like spots of lights in this photo , but the effect is very nice in real life , and I like that it looks good all the time , with or without the lights on . Tom loves the city of London . When he was in university there , he spent most of his free time walking the streets of London and he knows his way around there , far better than I do . Just over a year ago he moved to Denmark , and is learning to love his new home city of Aarhus , but I thought I 'd remind him of the ' old place ' for his birthday . I think that 's pretty cool ! I bought the cutting file from My SVG Hut , and for the main part , I was really pleased with it . The actual construction of it worked very well . I did have several attempts at cutting the intricate details before I found a paper that was stiff enough to stand up , but thin enough to cut cleanly . I knew my thin , black card would cut , so I used this for the back row . The main thing is that the paper has to be low fibre , and I did find some grey pearlised - all - through paper which cut really well . On the third attempt , ( adjusting settings and blade each time , on my silhouette ) , I even managed to cut the fine lattice along the top of the bridge . You can just about see it in the picture below . If I make this again , and I may do as I know someone else who would love it , then I would not cut the Happy Birthday letters like this . In the file they were perforated for easy folding , but because each letter is narrow , the perforations actually almost cut them off . Also they did not want to stand up , so some of them needed a small tab of matching card to re - attach them , and they still didn 't stand up very willingly when the card was opened . I didn 't like the look of them just cut from the inside layer of grey card , so I also cut the letters from blue vinyl which brightened them up , and made them look much better . Next time I will simply cut out the letters and glue them to the base layer , without them standing up . That way they will not detract from the main scene as I think these do . But you live and learn , and my son was very pleased with it , and that is what matters . They were relatively easy to make , and I love the way they turned out . In fact the hardest part was finding the coloured sock with long enough tops . There were plenty of stripey socks in the market but they were mostly very short , coming just above the ankle . Basically each one is made from the ' foot ' of a plain white cotton sock - adult size - that is filled with round grain rice and tied at the top and around the neck . The hat is the top half of a coloured , preferable stripey , sock , and the scarf is cut from what is left over . I glued on a red pear - shaped pin for the nose , and punched black felt circles for the eyes . Then I glued on some matching buttons and used a promarker to add pink cheeks . I also added a snowflake with a matching gem at the centre , to each hat . So these are very much for decoration only , and are not toys , but I still think they are fun . Next I called my silhouette cameo into service and using a file bought from My SVG hut , I cut out a stable and assembled it . It was a little bit fiddly , but it all went together quite well . I would like to have stamped the roof with a wood - grain stamp but I haven 't got one , and my embossing folder is too small , so I bought some craft , corrugated card , and used that instead . The stable is quite deep , with a vellum backdrop about half - way back . I saw a photo of this star on Facebook and it looked as though it was white , with a golden light shining through cut out angels and stars . However , when I opened the file in my software , I found it was a solid star , with sequins glued randomly over it ! Not deterred by this , I used some stars and angels from my file folder , making them much smaller , and added them over my star sections before I cut them out . The back is another star but without the cut - outs . I wasn 't sure whether such small shapes would cut from card but they did . I was using a gold card bought from our ' todo ' shop , at 75c for five sheets , so I didn 't expect the quality to be as good as it is . Before I glued the last piece in place , I put a small string of 20 Led lights inside it , with the battery case and on / off switch left outside . They are almost too bright , but it does look rather nice lit up . Finally I am getting back to some semblance of normal , after a long hot summer and lots of visitors , suddenly it is autumn . We have had several days of rain ( my visitors timed it well because they had sunshine every day ! ) , and last night the duvet came out , and today I need a cardigan handy ! So hopefully i can also get back to doing some crafting . Yesterday I did a quick browse through my very long Bloglovin ' list and commented on as many posts as I could manage , so I didn 't get my Rudolph Day post written . But the challenge is open until the end of the month , so I can still do it today . Fortunately I knew I would be busy so I made my cards at the beginning of the month ! I noticed that I had a lot of snippets of mirri - card in my box . I always seem to need a new sheet when I want to use it . So I matched up the gold ones ( aren 't there a lot of different shades of gold ! ) , and cut out a set of frames with matching sentiment frames , and then set about finding something to put in them . Once again I resorted to using my digi scrapbook kits , and used adobe to make a card layout , resizing a 12 " x 12 " backing paper to fit a 15cm card , and adding an image from another set , resized to fit in my frames . I also added a sentiment from a third kit , to fit my small frame . This is all a bit time consuming , but the complete card is now saved in my files , so I can quickly print off more should I need them . They just needed to be cut and glued to the front of a basic white card , with the frames added , and a little stikles to add some sparkle . I also glittered a wooden snowflake to go in the top corner . I started by printing off two sheets and was a bit non - plussed when the second one came out a pinky - mauve . My yellow and blue cartridges were almost empty and only the magenta one was working properly ! I thought they still looked quite pretty , so rather than waste them I rummaged through my mirri - card snippets again and found enough pink to cut frames for one , and purple for the other . They are a warmer shade of mauve than they look here ! While having my original play around in Adobe , I also tried out a second image that I liked , on a darker background , and I printed one off to try . I thought it was a bit too dark , but once again I didn 't want to waste it , so I mounted it on a base card and made a frame from dimensional glitter paste . ( It didn 't quite fit in my cut frames ! ) . I printed half a Christmas tree and fussy cut it to add some dimension , and added some stickles for sparkle . I also glittered the snowflakes on the backing paper and added gold peel - off sentiments . While looking for some inspiration among the remnants of old cards , I found a jolly little robin made from pieces of felt . He was a bit big , and heavy for my cards but I decided to try making him with pieces of paper . So I took him apart and scanned the separate elements , and then imported them into my Silhouette cameo , down - sized everything , and made a cutting file of them . Then I rifled through my Christmas paper off cuts and found a lot of little pieces and cut one set out . I mixed and matched the pieces until I had assembles twelve robins . I gave each one a black glass bead for an eye . I also found a cutting file in my library for a branch and added some holly leaves and again cut and assembled twelve of these . Then it was just a case of going through my boxes to find card large enough to make base cards , papers for the backgrounds , some extra scraps of paper , and an assortment of dies , stamps , punches and embossing folders , and getting them all mounted up . I was given a big sheet of red card that had been very badly folded into rough quarters , and I was able to make several cards and some embellishments , from the uncreased parts of this . I also used some from a similarly folded up sheet of blue card , and some green . I had a couple of large paper surrounds from old cards that I made use of too , and I ended up with a dozen cards that are all different , but are all linked by a little paper pieced robin somewhere in their design . I know I was kind of minus my mojo for a few weeks during our long , hot , summer , but it was still a bit of a shock to count up my pile of Christmas cards and find I have only made 45 so far ! So much for my intention of making a dozen each month ! And , as I send around 120 most years , I need to do some batch baking , and Rudolph day is a good incentive to get cracking . I am very good at collecting stamps , digis , cutting files etc , that I think might be useful for Christmas , but not so good at actually using them , so I browsed my Christmas folder in my Silhouette cameo software and spotted a rather cute , angel . This was a cutting file bought from the silhouette store , so the first thing I did was to resize everything in the file so that the finished card would fit in a standard envelope . I chose white card for the base shape as I have plenty of it , and then raided my snippets boxes for card and papers to cut the various parts . The most difficult was the wings because the swirls tended to tear , and the lower edges of the skirt layers also needed a little help with scissors , but I eventually had the first one made . Then , to make it even easier I cut four more base shapes , and four sets of wings without the swirls . Instead I passed them through an embossing folder , and did the same with the top , white layer of the dress . This time I did blonder hair , used shades of blue card and paper , silver foil in place of gold for the halo , and replaced the star with a two layer die - cut snowflake . I learned at my sewing group on Wednesday , that an elderly lady who sits with us , is celebrating her birthday next week . She is very sweet and I wanted to make a special card for her . She wears a lot of pink which really suits her , so that is what I chose for her card . A blog friend Darnell has been running another NEBUS challenge . ( For the uninitiated NEBUS = Never Before Used Schtuff ! ) . I have several unused items , bought over the passed months , that I am just waiting for the right opportunity to use , so I found a set of Sue Wilson dies , from the Gemini range . They come in three pieces , an upper and a lower smooth , shaped edge , and a fancy bit in the middle , and the set I have used here is called Pavo . They are wider than I expected , but they were easy to work with , and I think they look really pretty . I used the upper and lower edge dies to trim away parts from a 17cm square , pre - cut card from my stash , and I also cut the back of the card to match . Then I found a panel of pink from my snippets box . It is actually a page from a wallpaper sample book I think . Some - one gave me loads of them ages ago . But it has a nice texture to it , and I was surprised at how well it cut with the dies . I again cut the upper and lower edges with the smooth dies , and this time I added the fancy part at the top . The flowers were made with Heartfelt Creations Delightful Daisies stamps , and cut with the matching die . I have used the leaves before with my poppy set , but the flowers are another NEBUS item . I used Memento rhubarb stalk ink on white paper snippets , and copic pens to add some extra colour to the petals . Then I double layered each flower and found some pretty jewel flowers for the centres . The leaves are painted with H2Os which gives them a nice sheen , and they are left over from the poppy card I made a while ago , when I got a bit carried away and made loads too many . The sentiment isn 't one I would put on many cards but it is very suitable for the recipient of this one . I have two stamps of this verse in different fonts , but neither would fit into my oval die , so I printed it out on the computer and then cut it with what I think is a D ' sire die . The butterfly came to me a few years ago on a card or gift , so I thought it was time she flew on to a new home . With the very hot summer we have had , time away visiting family , and visitors here , I have not managed to enter this challenge as often as I would like , so I was determined to have a go this time . When I saw the challenge was Y is for yarn , I was a bit dubious . Yarn to me means wool , but I read the post and it said , ' Wool or embroidery thread ' , and I have lots of embroidery thread so I went for that . ( I actually have even more wool , but I do not usually use it on my cards ) . Anyway , I remembered a card I made years ago , according to the information on the photo I took , it was back in 2009 ! , and I thought I 'd give it another try . I hunted around for the necessary stencil which I found , but there was no sign of the instructions , so I had to figure it out again . It also took me quite a time to find the decoupage sheet I bought to go with it . Then I needed to sort out card , threads and beads and I was all set to go . Here is the card I made . I know , the green layer is not straight , but I used very strong glue , so it is staying that way . It is a good thing I only make my cards for family and good friends , and they are used to my idiosyncrasies . A new pair of eyes and steadier hands would come in useful ! This is the stencil for making the card . I think it is an old Marianne one , but I am not sure . The idea is to cut around the inside of it , leaving the ' bridges ' between the circle and triangle , and also around the outside of the square . Then you use a pricking tool to mark the holes along the edges . I sketched a second template and marked where I wanted to sew , and having chosen a copper thread and a bright green one , to go with the centre image , and a few green beads , I did all the sewing trying to keep the template as flat and evenly tensioned as possible . When this is done , you cut away the ' bridges ' so that the triangle is suspended in the centre . You have to be careful not to cut any of the threads . You really don 't want to do that ! Do you hear the voice of experience speaking ? . Next you need to cut matching circles in the base card and a top layer , big enough to cover the actually stitching and template , but not so big that it hides the thread work , and fortunately the largest of my set of circle dies was just right . I was using a large pre - cut base card , so I decided it needed a second mat , and I cut a larger circle in this as it would be sandwiched between the other two . ( If I 'd stuck to one layer it wouldn 't look so crooked ! ) Before joining them , I used an X - cut corner punch to cut a small butterfly in each corner . Using a punch again made me realise why dies are so popular . It was hard work ! Finally I found a copper happy Birthday peel - off to go in the bottom corner , added some yellow stickles to the centre of the flower , and at the top I added two shiny butterfly stickers . I bought a set of these from Lakeland before they stopped selling craft items - ten years ago maybe ? There were hundreds of them , and they are still so pretty . I have used them regularly , but there are still lots left . Well Rudolph Day has rather taken me by surprise this month , but fortunately I have a couple of simple Christmas cards I made to try out a new Stampin ' up stamp . Rudolph day occurs on the twenty - fifth of each month , when we are encouraged to make a card related to Christmas , and share it on Scrappy Mo 's blog . So why not join in . Here are my contributions this month . I like cards that depict the Nativity story , but the Kings get most of the attention , so when I saw this image of the shepherds , I just had to buy it . It is a clear stamp , and I haven 't managed to get a very good impression from it yet . Perhaps I need a new black ink pad . However , after a couple of practice prints , I stamped it onto some off cuts of lightly patterned cream paper . This one was using a versafine ink pad . While searching for some dark card to go behind it , I found a piece of navy card that was just big enough to fold into this little base card . It is 9 x 12cms , so I cut my image with a stitched square Crealies die , and it just fitted the card . The sentiment is from a very old SeeDs stamp set , embossed with Stamp - n - stuff Winter Wonderland powder . This is white with silver glitter in it and it is very pretty in real life . Then I just added some sparkle to the star with stickles . For my second image I used a Memento Tuxedo Black ink pad , but it was no better or worse than the first one . I again cut it with a Crealies square die , and this time I double mounted it with skewed squares of navy card and blue Christmas paper from my snippets boxes . I then found a piece of white paper with navy stars , that was big enough to cover a pre - cut 15cm white square card , and placed the mounted image centrally . The sentiment is from a set of Nativity stamps by Our Daily Bread . We had some sad news this week , when my husbands best friend in UK , lost his battle against cancer . I wanted to make a card for his wife , but knew it had to be a quick one so I could post it that day ( Friday ) . We have no postal collections or deliveries at the weekend , so if I didn 't post it on Friday , it would have been at least Monday before it started on its journey . You will know from my previous posts that I have recently placed a big order with Stampin ' up , and another set of stamps I bought was a skeleton tree , this pretty blossom bough , and some appropriate sayings for Sympathy and Get Well cards . I believe the set was called Hopeful Thoughts . So I used them to make this card . Sorry it is such a poor photo . The card has been sent so I couldn 't try again ! The ribbon is actually a pretty olive green that exactly matched the distress ink , and the paper was not shiny ! I tried a few arrangements on scrap paper , and eventually chose this arch made by stamping the bough three times . I coloured the stamp with broken china and milled lavender distress pens , ' huffing ' on it before I stamped in case it was drying out . The sentiment came from the same set of stamps . I embossed a small strip of white paper with a Crafts - Too embossing folder and attached it below the image , cutting the complete piece to fit on a 7 " square card . I distressed the edges and raised parts of the embossed strip with Memento bamboo shoots ink , and covered the join across it with a strip of green ribbon and added a bow . Well I 'm back today . Last night I had the same problem as our friend Veerle had last week , and was unable to add a photo , but I followed the advice kind friends gave to her , and cleared my cookies and browsing history , and today everything is fine . There is always something new to learn with the computer . I started with a scrap of white card which I coloured with my palest violet copic marker , and then stamped with the floral wreath stamp . I cut this out with the dies and coloured the flowers and leaves with copic markers . I also stamped , coloured and die - cut the bow . A couple of years ago I popped into the QVC reject shop while visiting Shrewsbury , and was disappointed to find that it no longer had the rows of craft items that I used to love browsing through . However they had a few bits and pieces and I picked up a bundle of washi - tape , in ten different colours , and for each colour there was a narrow tape with a geometric design , and a wider tape with a floral design . And , you 've guessed it , they have never been used ! So this month 's butterfly challenge was the perfect excuse for me to dig them out . I chose the green and lilac tapes , and used them to make a wide diagonal corner on another of those pre - cut square cards from my hoard ! A lilac one this time . I added my wreath , and some little pink , blue and green shiny bird stickers that I picked up for pennies in a bin at The Range last month . Then I added a green and a purple 3D butterfly sticker to each corner , and stamped a simple sentiment that came with the wreath stamp set . This is a useful card to have ready when I need one in a hurry so I thought I might as well make a second one . This time I chose a pale peach base card and found some yellow and orange washi - tapes to go with it . Using just the floral tapes this time , I made a band at the top and bottom of my card . I then stamped the wreath on white paper and used copic markers to match my colour scheme . I stamped and die - cut the bow , and the flowers from snippets of printed paper - the flowers were also included in the stamp and die sets , and this time I stamped the sentiment inside the wreath . The yellow and orange butterfly was from the same set of 3D stickers as the ones on my first card . I 've mentioned before that Stampin ' up don 't supply to Spain , but I have found that one of my blog - land friends has an online shop and by ordering through her , and having my order sent to my courier friend 's lock - up , he will then bring it over for me on his next UK / Spain trip . So when they brought out their new Winter catalogue , I decided to treat myself . One of the things I ordered was a set of stamps called Wondrous Wreath , and a matching set of dies , so I wanted to try them out . There were three layers of stamps so first I stamped the wreath in green onto a scrap of white paper . Then I added the darker green leaves . These could be made to match exactly the layer below , but I chose to off - set them a little for one of my trials . Lastly I stamped the red berries . I then cut this out with the inner and outer wreath dies . I used some more scraps of paper to stamp the red bow , and hanger and also die cut these . I am still trying to use up some of my huge stash of pre - cut cards with envelopes , that are positively ancient now , so I chose a pearlised green 12 cm card and made a backing paper by shrinking down a 12 " x 12 " scrapbook paper that was in my digikit file . I added a border cut with a Fiskars punch , and some red stickles for a bit of sparkle . Red perfect pearls added dimension to the berries and that was my first card finished . For my second attempt I chose a pale green base card and cut a backing paper from a red scrapbook paper that I printed out for an earlier project . Because I thought it looked too dark , I cut a mat for the wreath on my Silhouette Cameo , using a scrap of paper from my Christmas snippets box . A starry gold peel - off border and more perfect pearls on the berries completed this one . There were then two layers of frame to cut , lots of little flowers and their centres , and the little bird which has nineteen individual pieces , thirteen of them being just for the wing ! I was going to show you a map of the pieces but I have just realised it is probably copyrighted , so I had best leave it . But this close up shows the layers on the bird , and you can see that some of them are very tiny indeed . They are also very odd shapes , but I was pleased to find that it soon became fairly obvious which way they should go . Because I use the Designer Edition of the studio software with my silhouette cameo , I can import svg files and cut them straight away , so it was just a case of resizing everything together , so my hanging would fit on a reasonable size card , and sorting out which piece should be cut from which colour . It was a good opportunity to use up some very tiny snippets which I always have plenty of lurking in my boxes . Having been on holiday for the past two weeks , the 25th of the month seems to have come round a bit fast , but I have managed to get one card made ready for the Rudolph Day challenge . I used a new Sheena Douglass stamp that arrived in the post while I was away . The word as far the camels was one stamp . I stamped it onto an off - cut of plain white card , and added some extra palm trees for balance at the end . Then I made a mask and covered the letters and ground while I dusted on some distress ink . Next I removed the masks and used copic markers to colour the letters and the ground . I used a gold gel pen on the star . Michael has always rather liked the big cats , so when I saw this Tiger face cutting file on the All Things Silhouette Facebook page , I knew I could use it on his card . ( The file was designed by the talented Anne Huxter , and was generously made available to members of the group . She has designed many other animals and her files are on sale at her website Treasured Templates ) Like many of the HC flowers these stamps and dies each come as one plate , so if you stamp the whole plate , you can cut it all out in one go . To make all of these poppies I cut the entire plate twice . I stamped one in black ink and one in Memento rhubarb stalk ink , but because I chose to paint them , this doesn 't really show . I had intended to use copic markers , my usual choice for colouring , but I remembered that once upon a time I liked H2O paints for poppies because they give the petals a lovely sheen which most poppies have naturally . It is literally years since I used them , but I dug out my paints and had a lovely messy time . I found that the die is not a perfect match for the stamps so I over - painted the edges quite generously as , for this project , I did not want any white frames around the petals . I used some off - cuts of gold mirri - card and two dies from Spellbinders Respendent Rectangles set for the frame , Britannia dies for the greeting , and the Memory Box die Delaney Butterfly , for the lace butterfly . From my scrap of painted paper I cut the matching Memory Box die Cheviot Butterfly , and glued the gold lace one over it . I used an A4 embossing folder ( sorry , make unknown ) , to give some definition to the backing paper , and then mounted it all up . I now live permanently in Los Gallardos , a small village in Andalucia , Southern Spain with my husband Chris . It was hard to leave five sons , their partners , and seven grand - children back at home , but we hope they will all come to visit us when they can . The exciting news is that I now have a great - grandson as well . The title of this blog is Spanish for My Handicrafts , because this is where I am hoping to share my various crafty hobbies , and maybe inspire others to try something new . I am a dabbler in all things and expert in none , so share with me my successes and failures . Use my ideas as you will , but please link them back to me . I am a paper crafter first and foremost . I started out with rubber stamps , but now I use masks , sprays , paints , inks , clay and much more . I make cards for my own use but not to sell , love swapping ATCs with other crafters , and am currently working on a scrapbook for each of my five sons , depicting their life so far . I also do knitting , counted cross - stitch , crochet and I am learning to make bobbin lace . I enjoy photography and am learning about digital scrapbooking . I already have a blog which is a diary of my life in Spain , so I intend to use this one primarily for crafting topics , but I am sure my animals will also show their faces here from time to time . See also Kate 's Adventures , my diary about life in Spain at mamapez5 . blogspot . com
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Meet Frank . He 's 13 years old , and is curious , busy , fun happy and bright . He has a mental delay , but that doesn 't stop him from being friendly , engaging and kind . He 's also an orphan in Eastern Europe . This means he is in an institution . If he is not adopted by age 16 , he will be thrown out on the street with nothing but the clothes on his back and his " disabled orphan " status . Let me tell you more about Frank . He 's little , about the size of a 7 year old . And he 's smart . He is in a group with teenage boys ages 16 - 24 . He does puzzles and he does his chores diligently . He is very kind to the younger children . Frank is friendly and engaging . He likes being with the boys , but is happy being alone too . He plays appropriately with toys and is " all boy " . He could very easily function in a family . Frank is curious , smart , fun and sweet . He likes to play in the dirt and jump on the trampoline . Frank is independent , a good eater , is happy and content . Frank is physically healthy . He walks , runs , feeds himself , speaks , does puzzles and interacts with others well . He 's a sweet boy who seems rather unaffected by his surroundings . He has no future where he 's at , and without help , he 's never getting out . Institutions are a one way ticket to nowhere . And this little boy deserves a future . This little boy will be a blessing to any family . The Baker family has committed to adopt Frank and another boy , Emmitt . But international adoption is pretty expensive . The adoption would cost about $ 30 , 000 . Reece 's Rainbow is an organization that helps with this cost . They set up grants for children in 25 countries around the world , and any money that is donated to these funds is given to the families to help with adoption fees . With Reece 's Rainbow 's help , the Baker family only needs about $ 10 , 000 to bring home both boys ! I don 't know if I 'm supposed to use his name , but I was in contact with the in - country coordinater of Seth 's country , and he sent me this new picture of Seth ! Doesn 't he just melt your heart ? ? I am so grateful , thanks G ! Its Dmitriy / Seth 's 6th today . Does he know ? Did anyone tell him ? I know he 'll be home by his next one ! Along with his sister , Sarah ! Happy Birthday my sweet boy ! I have multiple Christmas posts running through my head . But I 'll go with this one . I went to a deaf coffee house Friday night . I am in my second year of taking ASL , and it was sign only . One of my friends from school , M , came and talked with me . I know him from our Christian Club , he 's one of the leaders . I was signing with him , and its amazing to talk with him . I want to point something out for you . The Lord of the universe , the God that breathes stars , that can make everything out of nothing , came as a BABY ! People don 't understand how amazing this is ! He came as a BABY ! THE GOD OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CAME AS A BABY ! ! ! ! Why can people not understand that ? It seems to me that its been , for lack of a better phrase , watered down , mellowed down . Most of us have grown up hearing it , so it doesn 't seem like that big a deal . M gets it ! He was ' freaking out ' about it . We all should freak out ! GOD HAS COME ! Christmas isn 't about Santa . If it was , it would be called ' Santamas ' . Frankly , Santa 's creepy . He sneaks into your house , always knows when you 've been bad or good , and eats your cookies . CHRISTMAS is about CHRIST JESUS ! I want to give you an example from the play I helped with : The main characters were really excited because it was " only two more days untill Christmas and one more day till they got to perform their show in Town Square . But the pagent was then canceled , because it would cause too much traffic , and was a little old fashioned . The kids get together and go Christmas Caroling , trying to gain support . The first house has lots of fancy decorations and lights . But that couple is happy it is canceled , because " it kinda belongs in church , not the town square " . " Why do they have all those lights if they don 't like Christmas ? " one character asked after the couple had gone back inside . Another character replied , " Oh , they like Christmas , its Christ they have a problem with . " At the next house , the couple celebrated everything . " But if you believe in everything , you don 't really believe in anything . " Where are yoTink Merry Christmas my friends ! remember , Christmas is all about Jesus ! Read Luke 1 : 26 - 38 ; 2 : 1 - 20 to learn all about it ! but , lets be honest , there are presents involved ! Spend time with your family this holiday season , you never know who 's life you 'll change ! Merry Christmas to all ! For two families . Andriy 's family will not be adopting him . Due to some political thing in his country , he has been transfered to a ' nursing home for disabled children ' or something like that , and isn 't available for adoption anymore . Molly was also taken . To read more about it , check Andrea 's blog ( in the links on the side , post titled Gone ) . It is good that now their needs will be taken care of , but two families are heart broken . Pray for healing in these families . And Vika has a possible family ( Spud posted the worng picture I think ) . Clarification : When I say Vika , I mean my blind Vika on the left . Victoria will be the one on the bottom . Remember this cutie from a few posts ago ! ? ! ya . . . well she possibly has a family coming for her ! Amanda emailed me telling me she was $ 175 short of the commitment cost ! she is in desperate need of that $ 175 ! if you could please spare some loose change for her , that would be amazing if your wondering where to send / donate that $ , check out her blog ! somehow , God WILL provide that $ 175 ! < 3 Spud Wow , so fast , Dmitriy already has a committed family . So , now I have picked a new child . This one took me a while , but I have decided on another blind child . Her name is Victoria . Here she is . I added some more of her pictures on the side . Her is her Reece 's Rainbow page info . Girl , Born November 13 , 2005HELP , I HAVE ALREADY BEEN TRANSFERRED ! Victoria is too cute ! She has brown hair and blue eyes , and is in the same orphanage as Andriy and several other children with Down syndrome . Victoria is a smart little girl and very * able * . From her medical records : congenital cataract of both eyes ( blind ) , microphtalm , delay of psychological development . Outgoing , can walk independently , knows her way around in her group , is interested in studies , responds well when adults refer to her . From a missionary who has spent time with Victoria : " What a sweetheart ! Gentle , calm , outgoing , and very affectionate . She has made a lot of progress since she was at the baby orphanage . Vika has had some self - harming tendencies but the workers have been working with her on that … Whenever she would start banging her head they would pick her up , lay her across their lap and start massaging her back . Now , when she gets upset she goes to them and lays across their lap all on her own , no longer resorting to self - harming behaviours . Vika is independent and was walking around all over the room hardly ever bumping into anything . She doesn 't speak much but she does say " Mama " . She also knows how to let the workers know when she needs to go to the bathroom . They also said that her fine motor skills have greatly improved as well . Finally , she is a real snuggler . First thing she did when I called her over to me was climb up onto my lap . I tried to get better pictures of her but all she wanted to do was cuddle in close … how could I say no to that ? ? ? " This orphanage is one of the good ones . Small , with all higher functioning special needs children of " preschool " age ( ages 4 - 8 ) . There were only 6 kids in Victoria and " Andriy " 's room and two workers carinPosted by Make sure to scroll down and see my " Christmas Miracle " post . Kinda important . So , got an English assignment today . ' Imagine giving up everything - no responsibilities , no school , no job , no sports , family or friends to wrry about . You have $ 2 , 000 . You can do anything you want with it . What will you do ? Where will you go ? ' Of course mine is an orphan thing . This is it ( we were supposed to do like journal entries . We had to involve some ' transendentalist ' stuff , thats what the snow is about ) . I used the name Dmitriy , but has almost nothing to do with my Dmitriy . Let me know what you think . And I used two Reece 's Rainbow pics David . Supposed to be ' Maxim ' . And Brandon , supposed to be ' Dmitriy ' . " November 20Today I left my home . Embarking on this magnificent journey to my boys . My parents were hesitant to let me go , but now I am going . Most people look down at me for adopting my boys , for truly they are my boys , when I am only 11 years older . But who cares what the world says when my boys are waiting ? Today I departed , for my boys , for Ukraine . November 25Much to be thankful for ! I have arrived in Ukraine . After spending three days on a ferry from Seattle to Anchorage , AK , I took a flight from Anchorage to Kiev , Ukraine . George met me here , and drove me to this hotel . I checked in and have a room upstairs . George showed me around Kiev a bit , and today at 9am , I entered my son 's building , and finally met Dmitriy . His brother , Maxim , is at another building about 100 miles from here . Dmitriy and I will take a train from Kiev to Torez , and go pick up Maxim . George explained all of this to me . George is my translator , guide , and much more . He is older , probably in his sixties . He has thinning gray hair , a short beard , and brown eyes . He is tall , and lean . He 's been running around Ukraine helping me organize this for months . Kiev is very beautiful , full of nature . There is a giant oak tree out front of Dmitriy 's building , and the leaves are piled up . It snowed today , and I felt enlightened by the beauty . Today I met Dmitriy . I Posted by These are some of the orphans on Reece 's Rainbow who are HIV + , in honor of World AIDS Day Go to ReecesRainbow . Org for these kids info and many more . Now a little info about AIDS / HIV : AIDS is a chronic , potentially life - threatening condition caused by the human immunodeficiency virus ( HIV ) . By damaging your immune system , HIV interferes with your body 's ability to fight the organisms that cause disease . HIV is a sexually transmitted disease . It can also be spread by contact with infected blood , or from mother to child during pregnancy , childbirth or breast - feeding . It can take years before HIV weakens your immune system to the point that you have AIDS . There 's no cure for HIV / AIDS , but there are medications that can dramatically slow the progression of the disease . These drugs have reduced AIDS deaths in many developed nations . But HIV continues to decimate populations in Africa , Haiti and parts of Asia . Posted by So the other day , Tink was looking on the " RR New Commitments " page . she saw a girl She recognized named Genesis . she clicked on The Family 's blog link and read the ' was then ' top post , " In the Middle Of A Miracle " she found out that not only does Dmitriy have the exact same extremely rare ' disease ' i guess ( they believe , it 's called Peter 's Anomaly ) , but they said they were thinking about adopting Dmitriy as well ! it would only be $ 5000 more . now $ 5000 sounds like a lot of money , but in God 's eyes , that 's less than a penny ! Tink and i think Dmitriy and Genesis are related , so we 've commited to raising that $ 5000 ourselves . thats rite , 2 young teenagers raising $ 5000 to bring a little blind kid home ! we 'll do all sorts of fundraisers ( church offering [ hopefully ] , selling knit items at our church . . . ) . We will try to make a documentary . PLEASE PRAY that this all works out ! we hope to at least send the money to their family by Christmas ! " I can do ALL things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me ! " Philipians 4 : 13 This year , we hope to send Christmas presents to 8 U * rainian orphans . This stuff is what we have for them . Please comment on what you think would be good for each child . We also have a dark , thicker twin sheet , a child spiderman blanket , and a child blue blanket . Dmitriy is five years old , a month until he turns six . He is blind ( only one eye , blind ) . He was recently transferred to ( 1 ) . Y is 14 years old . 3 feet and 3inches . She is Severely mentally delayed , cerebral palsy , double hemiplegia , dysarthria . She is at ( 1 ) . A is 18 . He will be my pen pal . He was recently transferred from ( 1 ) to an adult building . He has a repaired cleft lip , injured hands , and no feet . Sergey is five and a half . His records : congenital brain anomaly , spastic tetraparesis , simptomatic epilepsy , generalized tonic clonic seizures , cryptorchidism , adenoid vegetation , bending - movable contractures of the hip joints , deficiency anemia , mental delay . Pretty much some physical and mental delays . He lives at ( 25 ) . Noel is 7 . She has severe CP and hydrocephaly . She lives at ( 25 ) . I is 13 . He is 75cm . From his records : Mentally Delayed , Spina Bifida , lower paralysis , abnormal development of the left lung , right - sided inward turned footAJ , formally known as Anthony , is 6 years old . He has CP . He is at ( 25 ) , and has a family coming for him ! Victoria is 8 , almost nine . She has arthrogryposis . She is ( 1 ) . Please let us know your suggestions , preferably from the top picture . Giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ . Ephesians 5 : 20I am thankful for my familyI am thankful for my Loving Jesus who took the weight of all my sin and all our sin so I can be free I am thankful for my friends , who never fail to make me laugh ( I was in stiches x3 yesterday ) I am thankful for my church , which isn 't just the building , its the people . ( we went out to dinner at a pizza place after service last weekend ) I am thankful that I might have a pen pal in U * raine ( more on that later ) I am thankful for everything Gid has given meI am thankful Sam is homeI am thankful AJ / Antony has a family coming for himI am thankful that Katya is home , and is doing well from her surgery ( check the blog ) I am thankful that Noel hasn 't been transfered yetI am thankful Dmitriy is alive and well , and still can smileI am thankful I got new visual of DmitriySo i ask you : What are you thankful for today ? ' Giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ . ' Ephesians 5 : 20 I have made a decision . Although I will be keeping Sergey and Victoria on the blog , I 'm going to be focusing on Dmitriy , as I feel I can better sponsor him , and I feel a certain passion for the blind ( I really don 't know why , probably because I met E and in my story I am writing , two of the characters are blind ) . So , please be praying for all three ! While I was helping at a camp recently , there was a boy . His name is E , and he is blind . He was the sweetest boy I have ever met , and about 2 years older than Dmitriy . He was pretty independent , and his voice sounded kind of like Sam . I believe he had slight autism as well , at campfire , he sat in the front , with his hat covering his eyes , and then his hand over his eyes . He wanted to do everything at camp , including the climbing wall . His dad told him he would help him , just getting started , and E kept saying " I can do it myself ! I can do it myself ! " Then , as he was climbing , he would lose his grip and come off the wall , hanging like a pinata , and he would say " why do i keep flying off the wall ? " . Before , when I was putting on his harness , I would tap his foot and say " E , lift this foot . " and he would lift it almost as high as he could . He almost lost his balance the first time . While he was waiting , he was standing off to the side . He kept asking " is it my turn ? " I got him in line about 5 . So I got to watch him climb the wall . He got about a third of the way up ! ! May not seem that high to you , but imagine being 6 or 7 , blind , and climbing the wall . He got about 7 feet above ground . He also was very adventurous , wandering about 10 feet from his dad , then asking what was in front of him ( i think he could tell the difference between light and dark ) . I wanted to share this because 1 ) . E is a cute little boy2 ) . To show Dmitriy 's potential families out there that blindness isn 't the worst thing out there . This boy climbed a wall . Look at all the possibilities out there for Dmitriy . I know because his eye , people turn away . I don 't have a winning smile from him . But take a leap of faith and save this little boy . Imagine the pride if you saw Dmitriy climbing a climbing wall in two years . It begins with you . I want people to pray that Dmitriy will find a family . That they will look past his physical disability , and see a sweet little boy begging for a chance at life . That they will TAKE THAT LEAP OF FAITH and save him . STink I 've now decided to sponsor three children , one from 25 and two from 1 . Here are the newest Prince and Princess ! If you didn 't know , 1 is a mental institution . The worst one . More on that is coming . On top is Dmitriy . He is 5 years old , will turn 6 on December 26 . He is blind ( only has one eye , and it is blind ) . This picture is already old , from October 2009 . I have another picture of each of them . And right above is Victoria . She is already eight years old , and will turn 9 on December 12 . She has arthrogryposis . It is so sad that a boy has longer hair than her , but this picture is a year old , maybe in the next picture she will have long hair . I 'm going to be sposoring all three , fighting for their lives . An older picture of Victoria , where you can see how arthrogryposis has affected her legs and feet . A ' baby ' picture of Dmitriy . One year ago today , I posted this , a desperate plea for Sullivan 's family . The next day , I found out he was getting adopted . I never would have imagined that Sam ( his new name ) would be home in only a year . It 's fantastic . One year ago , he was lonely , and had no idea that somewhere in America , a family was praying that adopting him was right . One year , he is home . One year , he is no longer an orphanOne year , he knows that someone loves himOne year , no more birthday 's gone forgotten . One year . What has happened in your life in One Year ? At our summer camp , we watched this video . It is a video called " One Year " , made by the Nations Foundation . Our college pastor is mentioned in the end , so when we all saw his name come up , we cheered . It 's a great movie , and features many olympic snowboarders like Andy Finch and Tommy Czechin ( I said these two because for any ' Amazing Race ' fans out there , this season , they are on it . They are the snowboarders and have come in 1st the last three weeks , just thought I 'd throw that out there ) . God can do a lot in one year . Watch the video , and what has happened this year ? What will happen in one year ? Answered PrayersSpud and I have wanted to go on a mission trip to Ukraine to tell kidsabout JESUS and to love orphans . We first thought Boyarka , but theyare babies . Then an older child internat , butwe didnt know where inukraine there was one . Then i said we should go to roj like the reeds , christine could help us . But we never really asked . God just answeredour prayers about where to go . C . Reed just posted about a missionopportunity at River Of Joy ( www . riverofjoy - crimea . com ) for two weeksnext june . This is unbelievably amazing . We have been praying about where to go , how to go . There it is in black and white . An offer to go and serve atROJ next summer . This is with an organization . Its planned . Imfreaking out this so amazing , i dont think spud understandz that THISIS THE ANSWER TO OUR PRAYERS ! God really does answer prayers . Thankyou , Jesus ! Have you ever had a line , a stanza or even a song that has just ' spoken ' to you ? I have one , it is a line from Steven Curtis Chapman 's new song , " Do Everything " . Here are the lyrics . Oh , oh , ohYou 're picking up toys on the living room floorFor the fifteenth time todayMatching up socks and sweeping up lost Cheerios that got awayYou put a baby on your hip and color on your lipsAnd head out the doorAnd while I may not know you I bet I know youWonder sometimes does it matter at allWell let me remind you it all matters just as longAs you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made youCause He made you To doEvery little thing that you do to bring a smile to His faceAnd tell the story of graceWith every move that you makeAnd every little thing you doOh , oh , ohMaybe you 're that guy with the suit and tieMaybe your shirt says your nameYou may be hooking up mergers , cooking up burgersBut at the end of the dayLittle stuff big stuff in between stuffGod sees it all the sameAnd while I may not know you I bet I know youWonder sometimes does it matter at allWell let me remind you it all matters just as longAs you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made youCause He made youTo do Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His faceAnd tell the story of grace With every move that you makeAnd every thing that you doWell maybe you 're sitting in math classOr maybe you 're on a mission in the CongoMaybe you 're working at the officeSinging along with the radioMaybe you 're dining at a five starOr feeding orphans in MyanmarAnywhere and everywhere you areWhatever you doIt all mattersSo do what you doDon 't ever forgetTo do Everything you do to the glory of the One who made youCause He made youTo do Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His faceAnd tell the story of graceAs you doEverything you do to the glory of the One who made youCause He made youTo doEvery little thing that you do to bring a smile to His faceAnd tell the story of graceWith every move that you makeAnd every little thing you doOh , oPosted by 143 million is a HUGE number ! It 's the number of people living in the 50 largest us cities combined ! It seems like a logical guess as to how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop ( I tried once when I was little , I got to a million and wasn 't even close ) anyways . . . What about orphans ? Ya , there 's more than 143 million orphans in the world today , and that number is growing daily ! Idc how you help whether it 's prayer to financial giving to bringing home a child of your own , as long as you help an orphan in need . This is an unacceptable number of fatherless kids without a roof over their head . The God of the Universe weeps for his children . I cry when I think about this number for too long . One of these days there 's gonna be no more orphans crying for a mom and dad to bring them home . I am so excited for that day ! God works in miraculous ways ! Noel , Sergey , and 2 others that I don 't think tink has told you about yet need your help , desperately ! You 're their only hope ! Help these kids , they need your help ! If you 're not sure where to start , contact one of us for suggestions ! Wed be more than happy to help you ! As I said before , God works in miraculous ways ! Agapé ! Anthony 's family found him only a couple months ago at the beginning of July ! They are going to go meet their son this fall ! Fastest international adoption process evr ! I can hardly contain myself ! I 'm so happy ! http : / / reecesrainbow . org / wp - content / uploads / 2010 / 12 / Patrick - 2H - 2 . jpghttp : / / reecesrainbow . org / patrick - 2hBoy , Born October 11 , 2003Patrick is a sweet and able boy who is diagnosed with CP . He doeshave significant facial features of FAS , although this is notdocumented in his medical records . Patrick is able to walk and playon his own , and is very high functioning . He is the best friend ofMICHAELA . Although they can not be adopted together , they bothstrongly desire a family of their own and are high encough functioningcognitively to recognize and fear the next transfer . From our coordinator : Patrick is the very best friend of Michaela . They spend all the time together : playing together , helping eachother . He is a smart , inquisitive , very friendly and kind boy . Hisdream is to have a family and loving parents . He knows he is facing atransfer to an institution for disabled children of older age , wherehe will not have a chance to develop his potential . The orphanagestaff advocates for these two children with all their hearts . From a family who met him in July 2011 : He has strabismus andcerebral palsy . But , as you know , cerebral palsy is a spectrumdisorder . He can walk , talk , and play just fine . When he walked , therewas a slight halting to each step , but it did not slow him down onebit ! ! When he came up to us , he looked in my bag and saw " Chutes andLadders . " He kept pulling at it , and then he opened the game board andlet out a squeal of delight . Then he went in my bag to find thepieces . I could tell he really wanted to play the board game , but wewere in the hallway and there was no room , so I pulled out the box ofplaydoh . He managed to pull out one of the containers and open ithimself ( which is difficult for an adult to do ! ) I showed him how towork the playdoh , and he was so happy . He was able to play and shapeplaydoh just fine . He was so creative with the playdoh . I helped himmake a duck from the stencil and then he pretended it was swimmingthrough the air . He was telling a whole story about this pink duck inhis language . IPosted by So you see this girl on the side of the road . she is homeless . you talk to her , her name is Rebbeca . you ask her , " What 's your story ? " she tells you " when i was a youth , guards came into my house and dragged my family to the middle of the arena . the arena had doors all around it . Behind each one of the doors , were hungry lions . the guards said , ' all you have to do to live is deny Jesus ' I just couldnt , so that day , me and my family were eaten alive by lions and died . So , What 's your story ? " I don 't know for sure if this story is true , but they had a video of a youth leader saying this at church yesterday at the beginning of service . impacted me thats for sure . So , how would you respond ? I feel called to do something . You know why ? Because the world outthere needs someone who will do whatever it takes to get the word outabout our Savior . Jesus is the only one who can save you . I 'm sorry ifthat offends you , it 's true . I need to do something . Everyday , I want to think " What will peopleremember me as after I 'm gone ? " What is your answer ? What do you wantto be remembered by ? That full - of - hot - air person who tells you to dosomething , yet doesn 't do it themselves ? Sometimes I feel like thatperson . The hyprocrite Christian ? I 'm ashamed to say I 've been theretoo . No , I want to be known as a Christian who loves Jesus with all myheart , and as a way to serve him , advocate for orphans . Let me tell you a story , it 's a true story . It 's about a boy . I willcall him Gabriel James . Now , Gabriel is an artist . He draws andpaints , and is very good . But no one sees his drawings except him anda few people . Because Gabriel is an orphan . A disabled orphan . In amental institution . In Eastern Europe . If he had been born elsewhere , Gabriel would have had the chance to become a very well - known artist . But instead , he remains yet undiscovered . And a note to all of you who know us personally and live in the area ; I am sending a box of clothes and supplies to two orphans in EasternEurope . Gabriel is one of them . If you have any clothes you haveoutgrown and could donate , please donate ! I 'd love any donations , makes it easier for my gift to last longer . Thanks ! Random : Pick a song you would rather see in ASLOne Less by Matthew WestAll I Really Want by Steven Curtis ChapmanAnd comment . A friend of mine was looking through my Ipod , and she found a pictureof Sergey ( the one from June 2010 ) . She says " Who 's he ? He 's cute , I ' dmarry him . " Yep , she said she would marry him . No , she 's not five . She 's a teenager . Thanks for making my day , G . - - www . savingsullivan . blogspot . com This is Kiril . All three of these pictures are from after he was transfered to a mental institution , and is now bedridden . He is in this video . It 's hard to see , but he is real . This is him everyday . He lies in bed . See him at 0 : 40 ? Same outfit as that middle picture . I also think it may be Victoria at 0 : 23 . i was surfing GodTube a few minutes ago and came across this amazing video ! it 's a clip from Korea 's Got Talent , but there are captions . It 's about . . . Just watch it ! Noel is 6 , SIX YEARS OLD . she should be starting 1st grade about now . i remember how excited i was to start 1st grade , i was finally gonna be a big kid , but Noel will never experience that feeling . Noel will miss out on a lot of things because she is bedridden , don 't let her miss out on any more than she has to . Pray for the Princess , make a donation to her name , if you can , ADOPT her ! no donation is too small . God DOES answer prayers , and i can tell you for sure that GOD DOES NOT LIKE THE ORPHAN CRISIS ONE BIT . help Noel , YOU ' RE HER ONLY HOPE ! < 3 Since I have some new friends following my blog , and I don 't think Ihave fully explained it , I 'm going to explain my mission trip . Well , we will be going to Orphanage 25 ( I 'm not supposed to say thename online ) and another orphanage near it , the second orphanage is anolder child internat . The people going is still undecided , but it willbe at least me , Spud and one of our parents . We will be going toUk * aine August 2013 . We will go to each orphanage , spend a week there , loving the kids , helping out , and telling them about Jesus and hisamazing love for them . We hope to get many pictures so we can advocatefor children at each . I have been emailing with Megan , over at Life2Orphans . com , andGeorge , her in - country coordinater . He has been talking with thedirector of 25 , helping us so much to get this set up . This is a bigproject , and will cost about $ 4 , 000 - $ 6 , 000 per person . But by workingand babysiting this summer alone , I have about $ 600 saved up already . We have some fundraisers planned , which we will let you know aboutonce it gets closer , but just to hint , " Drop your kids night " . Spud ' sgonna raise her $ 8 , 000 ( her and half the price of chaperone , and I ' lldo mine ) . If you have any ideas for fundraisers , please let us know ! We are still looking for sponsors and stuff to get the word out aboutour trip , if you know , please comment ! Well , that 's all for now ! Have questions ? Please comment and I willpost with answers ! Our God is HolyHe is VictoriousOur God is MightyOur God is Dangerous ( The Acclaim , " Dangerous " ) Happy Birthday AJ , It 's your last one alone . It 's not your birthday here yet , but it is in your country . You 're just waking up . But next year , you 'll be in America , with your brother Anthony . There 's a bunch of people rooting for you , and your momma , papa and brother can 't wait to celebrate with you . - - www . savingsullivan . blogspot . com Posted by Sergey is five years old . His entire life has been spent in anorphanage , in a laying down room , because he has some more needs thanthe other kids . Ok , he 's not " normal " . Are you saying your child is ? All kids have " special needs " . Timmy doesn 't like spaggetti ; Joysleeps with a blanket around her feet . We just call them " quirks " orsay " it makes them unique " . Sergey is unique . But his " uniqueness " islabeled as a " disability " and he is locked away in an orphanage . I don 't know Sergey 's story , I don 't really know anything about him . But his parents were probably forced to give him up . What would you doif your child couldn 't walk and everyone was telling you to lock himaway , so you could have a " free " life ? His history isn 't what ' simportant , its right now . Let me take you to Sergey 's world . Rightnow , he is laying in the same bed he has been in for 5 years . He ' shungry , because they don 't have enough food at the orphanage foreverybody to eat a lot . The sounds of the babies crying is keeping himawake . He has to go potty , but doesn 't want to go in his diaper . Heknows it will be wet and uncomfortable if he does . This little boy is so handsome , he needs a family , so he can reachhis full potential . I remember there was a family that adopted a childfrom Eastern Europe . He was a little older than Sergey I think . He hadbeen labeled as a " Cannot Walk " child . Once he was home , and thefamily spent some time on him , he was able to walk . It was that no onehad spent time to teach him and help him how to walk . I believe Sergeyis much the same . He needs a family to spend the time to help himlearn . And if he is in a wheelchair , that is better than a bed for therest of his life . Transfer to a mental institution is the worse thingthat could happen to Sergey . Most children transfered DIE within theirfirst year there . Two children have already been adopted and savedfrom Orphanage 25 and that fate . Another is in the process . I knowabout all those new laws in Uk * aine , how adoption of children under 5is limited to certain special needs . Sergey 's Posted by You might have noticed , I have added a blog to our " blogs I follow " list on the sidebar . It 's called " Bring AJ Home " . AJ is the putz family 's new name for Anthony cuz they already hav a special needs son named Anthony ! From the couple posts I 've read , they sound like the perfect family for our lil prince charming ! Please pray for their family as the Lord Jesus Christ guides them to their son ! Hav a blessed day ! I recently read a post on Caleb 's was going to be mom 's blog , that she wrote with facts about orphans world - wide , special needs and not . they were scary but interested me . so i 'm not going to steal her words , i did some research for myself . I hope this doesnt sound to sermon - y , im just trying to get my point across . To start off , do you know how many orphans there are around the world ? try 147 million children . You read it right , 147 million children around the world are orphans and the number keeps getting larger . 147 million children internationally have no mom or dad , no brother or sister , no best friend to cry on or have sleepovers with . 147 million and more children world - wide don 't have a guaruntee of having another meal . 147 million children around the world sleep in a room full of kids in their same situation , many sharing mattresses . every 2 seconds , one of those 147 million children dies of MALNUTRITION . This is America , we eat WAAAY to much , while there are innocent children out there DYING from not having the opportunity of eating . Malnutrition plays a part in more than half of the child deaths worldwide . Even more often , malnutrition cripples children 's growth , renders them susceptible to disease , dulls their intellects , and diminishes their motivation and their productivity . its sad . I 'm not making these numbers up , im getting them from a legit site . I have a medical condition that makes me so i cant walk long distances , but if I could , I seriously would walk 1 , 000 miles just to be with one of the 147 million world wide orphans . Princess Noel and Prince Sergey count for less than 1 % of the world 's orphans . over 2 Billion people world - wide call themselves Christians , so if only 3 % of the christian population adopted ONE child , the Orphan crisis would be over ! Are you part of that 3 % that is willing to risk adoption , or are you that 97 % that wants nothing to do with orphans . I , personally , am unable to adopt because I 'm only a teenager , but i want to really badly ! I have age holding me back , but you for sure can ! 3 % is all it takes ! Don 't let money stand in the way , if God wants you to adopt , which he does , he will give you the money . I don 't know how , I don 't know where , but the money will be in your hands . " Do not take advantage of the widow or the fatherless . If you do and they cry out to me , I will certainly hear their cry . My anger will be aroused , and I will kill you with the sword . " - God - Exodus 22 : 22 - 24a . In other words , to God , hearing an orphan cry is like being stabbed in the heart . If you don 't care for the orphans , meaning either something small , like praying for the orphans , or something as big as adopting , God will not nessecarily kill you , although he can , but he will mess you up , cuz he 's powerful enough to do that . So , Will you be the 3 % or 97 % ? i 'll tell you right now that the 97 % is a whole lot easier , but do you want ease over life - long joy ? sounds kind of ridiculous to me . I 'm gonna end my post with a challenge : DO SOMETHING ! ! ! ! ! Hi momy , its me , Noel ! We haven 't met yet , but you love me ! I 'm riting this letter to u too tel u how bad dis plase is . I don 't kno how old I am , I just kno dat I 'm extremely lucky too b living here , at least dats what my caregiber says . I don 't kno whats wrong wit her , but dis is not a very lucky plase too b . They make me sit around here on me bed while all the other kids go outside and run around . I just watch . It makes me feel as worthless as an unsharpened pencil . I want to go outside ! What I c is pretty , I wanna be prt of it , but my cargibers says " no Noel , ur not strong enuf " it makes me sad . I just wanna fit in wit dee udder kids . Mommy , do you kno what Crismas is ? Is it good ? Mommies and daddies that come to pick thier kid up and take them home always talk about Crismas and I 'm always confused . Is it good ? I really wanna kno ! Most of all I wanna go hom ! I wanna meet my brother an siter , dady an naybor , gramama and papa , ebrybody ! Pleez take me hom ! I lub u momy ! Now the prince Anthony is getting adopted ( eep ! ) I guess we hav to dye our hair ! We 're still waiting for an answer from our Parents on if and when we can get that done ! Hopefully soon ! We 'll post lots of pictures ! From now on , since I no longer need to advocate for Anthony ( I will be following his family 's blog ) , I will be advocating for princess Noel ! She is just to adorable ! Well , that 's all for now ! Omgosh ! ! ! This isn 't happening ! This is incredible ! ! ! I can 't believe it ! Anthony , yes , my little Anthony , is getting adopted ! ! ! ! ! ! This is unreal ! Now he won 't hav to live in an EMI for the rest of his life ! I 'm so excited for him ! I just found out today , actually , tink told me , but I saw it ! If yOu are the adolying family or kno them , plz let me kno ! Well , after much talking and emailing with Megan over at L2O , we have gotten in touch with their in - country coordinater , G ! He has talked with N , the director of 25 , and she is willing to have some Americans ( us ) , come and talk to the kids , which was our initial goal , to teach them about Jesus . We also have gotten a " date " , August 2012 . And G said he would be able to be our guide / translator , which is a huge relief as we know NO R * ssian / Uk * ainian ( the language in the boys ' county ) , and would be very lost . Hopefully we will get an actual date set up soon so we can plan for it ! If you know of anyplace we could get R * ssian / Uk * ainian bibles cheap , or donated , PLEASE LET US KNOW ! We know you are out there . . . By Steven Curtis ChapmanI know you 've heard the storiesBut they all sound too good to be trueYou 've heard about a place called homeBut there doesn 't seem to be one for youSo one more night you cry yourself to sleepAnd drift off to a distant dreamWhere love takes you in and everything changesA miracle starts with the beat of a heartWhen love takes you home and says you belong hereThe loneliness ends and a new life beginsWhen love takes you inAnd somewhere while you 're sleepingSomeone else is dreaming tooCounting down the days untilThey hold you close and say I love youAnd like the rain that falls into the seaIn a moment what has been is lost in what will beWhen love takes you in everything changesA miracle starts with the beat of a heartAnd this love will never let you goThere is nothing that could evercause this love to lose its holdWhen love takes you in everything changesA miracle starts with the beat of a heartWhen love takes you home and says you belong hereThe loneliness ends and a new life beginsWhen love takes you in it takes you in for goodWhen love takes you inMake Sergey and Antony 's dream come true . Let them be brought home . Make that dream of being in a family a reality . Please . They need you . They are meant to be in America or Canada with a loving family . Many of you have heard the song , " Thaat 's What Faith Can do " . It 's in the playlist in the sidebar , so you must of heard it if you have spent enough time on here . Go to the playlist and play it , listen to it while you read the lyrics . Everybody falls sometimesYou gotta find the strength to riseFrom the ashes and make a new beginningAnyone can feel the acheYou think its more than you can takeBut youre stronger , stronger than you knowAnd dont you give up nowThe sun will soon be shiningYou gotta face the cloudsTo find the silver liningI 've seen dreams that move the mountainsHope that doesnt ever endEven when the sky is fallingI 've seen miracles just happenSilent prayers get answeredBroken hearts become brand newThats what faith can doIt doesn 't matter what you 've heardImpossible is not a wordIt 's just a reason for someone not to tryEverybody 's scared to deathWhen they decide to take that stepOut on the waterBut it 'll be all rightLife is so much moreThan what your eyes are seeingYou will find your wayIf you keep believingI 've seen dreams that move the mountainsHope that doesnt ever endEven when the sky is fallingI 've seen miracles just happenSilent prayers get answeredBroken hearts become brand newThat 's what faith can doOvercome the oddsWhen you dont have a chance ( Thats what faith can do ) When the world says you cantIt will tell you that it canI 've seen dreams that move the mountainsHope that doesnt ever endEven when the sky is fallingI 've seen miracles just happenSilent prayers get answeredBroken hearts become brand newThats what faith can doThat 's what faith can doEven if you fall sometimes , you will have the strength to rise . . . . This song is so amazing , and so true . I like the part where it goes " Everyone 's scared to death , when they decide to take that step , out on the water . " I believe it is refering to the story in Matthew 14 : 25 - 33 " Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them , walking on the lake . When the disciples saw him walking on the lake , they were terrified . " It 's a ghost , " they said , and cried out in fear . But Posted by Amy has finally posted ! Sammy has been home for two weeks tommorrow . That is so amazing that he is FINALLY HOME ! He had waited for almost 51 / 2 years to come home , and now he is . For those out there who haventadopted , you may not understand , but that is huge . He is finally home ! This is a song that I thought of that really is good for well , " Finally Make it Home " . http : / / m . youtube . com / index ? desktop _ uri = % 2F & gl = US # / watch ? v = EJQdr4Bgql0I 'm gonna wrap my arms around my Daddy 's neckAnd tell him that I 've missed himAnd tell him all about the man that I becameAnd hope that it pleased himThere 's so much I want to sayThere 's so much I want you to know [ chorus ] When I finally make it home when I finally make it homeThen I 'll gaze upon the throne of the KingFrozen in my stepsAnd all the questions that I swore I would askWords just won 't come yetSo amazed at what I 've seen so much moreThan this old mind can hold [ back to chorus ] And the sweetest sound these ears have yet to hearThe voices of the angels [ back to chorus ] And this is the other . Its a perfect adoption song . It 's One Less byMatthew West . http : / / m . youtube . com / index ? desktop _ uri = % 2F & gl = US # / watch ? v = 8SDwZL5zGL8There 's a childBeen abandoned out on the streetNow she 's waiting for someone to be her miracleThere 's a wifeSomewhere halfway around the worldBegging God for a litte girl she can call her ownWell , worlds collideAnd colors fadeAnd a man and wifeBrought their little girl home todayAnd there 's one lessOne lessOne less broken heart in the world tonightYeah , there 's one lessOne lessThere 's one less broken heart in the world tonightWe are calledTo the widows and the orphansBut it 's easy to ignore their silent crysOh , but every single timeSomebody reaches into the darknessMakes a choice to help the helplessThey let mercy save a lifeAnd there 's one lessOne lessOne less broken heart in the world tonightYeah , there 's one lessOne lessYeah , there 's one less broken heart in the world tonightWell the truth is we are all the orphansBut love has left the 99 just to find the oneSo let worldsPosted by This is Molly . She is five years old . She is ONE DAY OLDER than Sergey . On Thursday , Amanda over at Just ONE More 4 Us ! ? posted this about Molly . She has met Molly while over adopting Andriy . " I know , it 's not Monday but something happened yesterday that was just too exciting to wait ' till Monday to share … the last of " my angels " , " Molly " , was listed on Reece 's Rainbow ! ! ! ( stay tuned later this week for the amazing , " Wow God " story of how that all came to be ) On top of that , today is a very special day … today is Liza 's birthday ! So you see , I just couldn 't help it , I had to do " Molly " " Where is my Mama Monday " post today . From what I 've been told , " Molly " was born a healthy baby until one day her father took her in what should have been his safe and loving hands and shook her so hard that it resulted in a lesion in her brain . I do not know whether her parents abandoned her at the hospital because they did not want to care for a " disabled " child or if their rights were terminated as a result of the abuse that she suffered . All I know is that when " Molly " was discharged from the hospital , she was sent to a baby orphanage as opposed to the loving home that she deserved . To say that " Molly " had a rough start would be a huge understatement however you would never know it to look at her . I believe that " Molly " may be the most content , happy , joyful little girl I have ever met . I saw her nearly every day for months and I could count on one hand the number of times I have seen her without a smile on her face . Unlike many of the children around her , " Molly " is unable to stand at the side of the playpen or even sit without support yet she doesn 't let that get her down . Whether lying flat on her back or propped up in a walker , " Molly " finds such joy in observing the other kids around her . Many evenings I would sit on the floor amongst a half a dozen rambunctious toddlers tickling them , tossing the over my shoulder , dancing with them and teaching them to play ring - around - the - rosie . I couldn 't Posted by Auggie was in a laying room for over a year , but after only 3 months of physical therapy is now sitting independently and working on learning to stand . Auggie loves things that crinkle or light up , slinkies , music , and tv . He is more interactive than Brody , and appears to lift his arms up to indicate he would like to be held . Auggie is 8 and has been separated from his brother , Brody . Brody is able to walk , and can drink from a cup without help . Brody appears to be in his own world much of the time , and loves things that crinkle or light up , and things shaped like sticks , as well as hands , gloves , feet and socks . Brody is 7 years old , and has been separated from his brother , Auggie . " Micaiah is 15 years old and living in Eastern Europe . We will meet him later this summer or early fall we hope . He has been diagnosed with spina bifida , and is in a wheelchair , but since he has apparently never been given proper treatment for it , there may be much that can be done for him . Like many children with physical disabilities in his country , he was placed in a mental institution , even though reportedly his mind is fine . He has never been given a chance , and we feel God wants to use our family to give him that chance . His face looks calm and sweet , and the one video we have seen of him , he looks quite lucid and able . And we just can 't wait to meet him ! " ~ The Bakers " Levi will be 13 when we meet him . He is also living in a mental institution in Micaiah 's country , and , like Micaiah , he most likely does not belong there . While he isn 't reported to have any major physical challenges , he has been overlooked for a very long time . All those who have met him are convinced he is a delightful , chatty , lovely boy who just needs a chance , and a home , and a family to love him . We can do that ! ! " ~ The Bakers
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That said , I was completely blown away by the outpouring of love and support I received after I posted about Mekko for the first time . And it didn 't just come from the wonderful crowd who already read my blog , but also from people who stumbled upon that post from so many places around the internet and took the time to leave a friendly comment or pen a kind e - mail . To be honest , I expected a really mixed reaction . People have enough opinions about dogs in general - who should own them , where they should live , how they should be cared for - leaving aside all the flack I anticipated receiving for adopting a Pit Bull . But , as with some other things that I 've posted and readied myself for attack , the onslaught never came . All of this is my roundabout , awkward way of saying thank you . Thank you for making this a fun , kind place on an internet where fun , kind places are rare . Deciding to dedicate the next decade or so of your life to something that you 've spent all of about 5 minutes with is a pretty scary thing , particularly when that something could potentially chew apart all your furniture , piss all over everything , or maul your face off while you sleep . Luckily , Mekko has chosen to do none of these things . She 's a great dog . Apparently pessimism is a central theme in my life , but I think I was pretty realistic about how hard things might be , and she 's just made the transition into dog ownership miraculously easy . She is incredibly sweet and affectionate , loves people and other dogs , and has enough energy to be hilarious and interesting but not so much ( as the above picture might demonstrate ) that she 's totally draining us , either . We 've had her just over two months now , and it 's really been amazing to watch her come into her own . I don 't want to overdramatize here - she didn 't come to us super emotionally damaged or anything - but she is a different dog than she was when we brought her home that first day . They aren 't drastic changes , but a series of subtle ones . She 's put on weight and looks healthy . She 's less anxious . She seems more confident . And she seems really happy . One of the many great things about Mekko is that she really wants to be a good dog , which has made training fairly easy . So far , we 've really been working on developing and strengthening basic skills . It took about 3 weeks to get her 100 % potty - trained , she 's gotten really great at walking on the leash ( which was a nightmare when we got her ) , she 's a champ at sitting on command , and she learned her name really quickly . I 'd like to start building up certain things she already knows and start teaching her new commands , and I think she 'll pick them up quickly . I 've been told many times how valuable classes are , but we haven 't taken any yet . We may choose to in the future , but right now I think we 're all still adjusting to our new lives and it just hasn 't felt like a pressing concern . Now , I have had dogs my whole life , and have loved all of them to a degree that non - dog - owners probably can 't understand . But Mekko is different , and I don 't think I just feel that way because she 's mine ( well , and Max 's , but you know ) . I 've never owned a Pit Bull - my family had 2 Labs and a Golden Retriever / Doberman mix growing up - but I 've been told that some of Mekko 's attributes are pretty characteristic of Pit Bulls , so here it goes . Mekko loves to cuddle . She would cuddle all day , everyday . She is a fabulous little spoon and snores like a heavyset man , and it 's amazing . And she 's so warm . Aside from that , she is really social , and basically wants to be friends with every dog and every person she comes into contact with . It 's nice having a dog like that - this little social butterfly who makes me talk to people , too . I 've met so many great dog owners and other dogs in the neighborhood , and it 's fun running into all our new friends all the time . And more than any other breed , Pit Bull owners really feel this strong allegiance with other Pit Bull owners . There are sidewalk love - fests several times a week . I really think the hardest part of owning a Pit Bull is dealing with the stigma . It 's never been terribly aggressive or violent or anything , and I 'm sure it hurts my feelings much more than it hurts hers . But it 's sad to see other dog owners decide to cross the street rather than risk passing us , or people who scoop up their kids and scowl . Or be told at the dog park that she 's not allowed to play with a dog because the other owner is afraid of her . People feel the need to tell me on the sidewalk that my dog bites - not as a question , but as an accusation or a statement of fact . Really ? When ? Mekko doesn 't want to bite these people , but I do . The point is this : ALL DOGS CAN HAVE BEHAVIORAL ISSUES . Plain and simple . And every dog owner should be prepared to deal with that , regardless of whether you 're adopting a Pit Bull or a Chihuahua . It 's about being able to address a problem when it arises , being open to seeking out advice and exploring resources , and being willing to changing your own behavior to suit the needs of your dog . 3 . How has being a dog owner changed your life - good and bad ? How do you get anything done when she 's around ? Mekko makes us incredibly happy , and we love her to pieces . I 'm not one of those people who overly anthropomorphizes my dog , but I feel like Mekko really changed our relationship . When there 's two in your group it 's called a couple , but three - three feels like a family . It 's a weird word , and I still feel a little awkward applying it to a unit that 's different than the one I share with my siblings and parents . But I think that 's the only word for it . I really don 't think Mekko has changed my life in any bad ways , but she has made my life different in many ways . Broadly , she 's a big thing to take care of , and even split between two people , she 's a big time commitment . The hardest part hasn 't been learning to take care of her , but learning how to keep doing the other things in my life while also making room for her needs . Full - time - student - with - part - time - job - and - relationship - and - dog - and - blog - and - hopefully - some - modicum - of - social - life still feels like an intimidatingly large pair of shoes to fill , and I 'm definitely still trying to negotiate that new terrain . I think it 's getting easier , but I still feel like I 've become somewhat unproductive and less competent in the other areas of my life . I have to keep reminding myself how new this all is and work on continuing to figure out how to balance my life and responsibilities . I don 't even know where to start . Mekko makes me laugh constantly . She really likes to walk herself up to our 5th - floor apartment and waits for us at all the landings . When she sees another dog approaching from half a block away , she lies down on the sidewalk and wags her tail until they approach . She LOVES this one squeaky toy and only understands tennis balls as objects from which all the fuzz must be forcibly and methodically removed . That new Taylor Swift song produces an immediate calming effect on her . She 's taken to sleeping on the couch some nights , but she 'll wake up early and come get her morning cuddle time in bed , which isn 't so much hilarious as it is heart - stoppingly cute . Gracie Apr 4 at 5 : 33 am · This was cool , I wondered how you could afford home improvements on your student budget but was too embarrassed to ask , I 'm on a tight budget too and you inspire me . Anyway you 're a wonderful writer and it 's actually heart warming to read that you derive so much pleasure from all of us deriving pleasure from reading your blog . Oof , what a sentence . : ) TheQueerBird Apr 4 at 7 : 36 am · " Pit Bull owners really feel this strong allegiance with other Pit Bull owners . There are sidewalk love - fests several times a week . " I have absolutely noticed this , too ! And Lenny is quite the social butterfly as well … I 've never had a dog so happy to meet absolutely everyone , but also just fine if I want to keep walking instead . Kathleen Apr 4 at 7 : 50 am · Aaawwww ! ! ! ! This made my heart go all pitter - patter . I want a good dog so bad - but Jeremy and our cats vote no and well … majority rules . So instead I 'm training Mister Scooty Boots to love kisses on the face , to be held like a baby and to come running when I call . I even went as far to get him a leash . Did I mention Mr . Scooty Boots is a cat ? Lil Apr 4 at 9 : 41 am · She is adorable . In all honesty , I 've never met a Pit Bull who wasn 't utterly charming . Maybe I 've been lucky - at any rate I 'm beginning to wonder where all those nasty Pits are . Nicole G . Apr 4 at 9 : 56 am · Delurking after being a lurker for quite some time just to agree about the stigma thing . I have an 80 lb . American Bulldog who looks a lot like Mekko , and I too have noticed people actively avoiding us on the street or even openly commenting about how my dog shouldn 't be at the park because she might bite their precious little puppy . There are always a couple of people who leave the park as soon as we get there , giving us looks like we broke some kind of unspoken rule by being there . Meanwhile , Lady is making the rounds to greet every person at the park , giving all humans lots of love before playing with the dogs . I 've told my husband many times that it feels like it bothers me more than it does her . In February we adopted an American Staffordshire Terrier from our local shelter and he has some trust issues with new people . I completely understand when people don 't want to get near him , because he does exhibit signs of anxiety . I don 't expect the world to accommodate us , but I also never expected to have strangers tell me I should 've left him at the shelter . When either of my dogs ( I have a white boxer , too , who everyone thinks is a pit bull ) is in our front yard and a UPS or mail person stops , I say , " She 's / They 're friendly ! " and I almost always hear , " Even the friendly ones turn . " It makes me so . mad . My sweet pups don 't have a mean bone in their furry little bodies and they DID have emotional and physical trauma before coming to live with us . If anything , they 've turned for the better : ) Daniel Apr 4 at 11 : 37 am · Yes , I HATE that - people who are so sure that even if my dog is friendly now , there 's some kind of monster lurking beneath the surface . That 's not to say that I think people should blindly trust their dogs - after all , they 're not people , and they operate off a whole different set of cognitive and emotional responses . But I really do think that dogs take their cues from their owners , and the vast majority of dogs really just want to please . It 's about redirecting and changing certain behaviors when / if they crop up , not waiting for them to " turn " and then blaming the dog for it ! I once broke up a dog fight between a pit - mix and another dog , and the other dog ended up biting me in the spur of the moment , and I have scars from that , too ( not bad ones , but my forearm doesn 't look quite the same as it used to … ) . And I TOTALLY understand going through that trauma and fearing dogs , particularly ones who look like ones who were involved in the situation . That was a few years ago and I 've gotten over most of that , but it was a really awful thing to go through , as somebody who loves dogs and has always really trusted them . The dog that bit me was brought back to the shelter ( my friends had adopted her to see if they could bring a second dog into their house , but because of some difficult stuff in their existing dog 's past - they think she 'd been used as a bait dog for fighting - they just couldn 't get along ) , and it took me quite a while to feel OK about the other dog , who I 'd known for months and had nothing but positive experiences with beforehand . All of a sudden I was so afraid of her , developed horrible anxiety when I was around more than one dog at the same time , had terrible nightmares every night , etc . I think what helped was understanding that the pit - mix went through things that her owners knew vaguely about , but didn 't anticipate the lasting effects of , and that trying to get a second dog probably wasn 't a wise idea in the first place . The point was , the aggression she exhibited ( toward other dogs , not toward people ) had nothing to do with her natural inclinations , but was rooted in past experiences inflicted by people . And it just felt illogical ( not to mention exhausting ! ) to transfer that anxiety to any dog who looked like her - including , of course , the one I own now . But that takes time and work , absolutely , and the fact that you 're willing to smile as you walk by instead of throw out some uninformed insult or snide remark is already huge . I 'm really , really not asking everyone to like my dog or want to stop and pet her , I just wish people were smart enough not to let an experience of one dog - or , worse , a reputation they 've never even experienced - transfer to their impression of all dogs of the same breed and result in outward negativity towards random dogs and their owners . I hope that makes sense . Meldorf Apr 4 at 10 : 19 am · Aw , your Mekko sounds and looks adorable . I 've had dogs and cats over the years all of very different personalities and so I know how remarkable it is to have one who is so loyal and affectionate . My friend has had pit bulls all her life and has always found them gentle and loving . I hope it makes you feel better to know that it really isn 't personal the way people act around your beautiful dog . Although I have only known kind reliable dogs I am very cautious with my children when we see a strange dog we don 't know . I 'm afraid I would certainly cross the street to be on the safe side . Unfortunately it is impossible to predict and know every dog one meets and so it is best to err on the side of caution . After all , there are more deaths caused by dogs that any other animal . We have the most kind and lovable cat that toddlers are able to pick up and squeeze and he flops tolerantly and has never scratched or bitten anyone . But from time to time we have visitors who are nervous or suspicious of cats . When I know they feel like that I make sure the cat is kept well away from them out of respect for their feelings . People who know you and your dog will appreciate how wonderful she is . It doesn 't matter what strangers think , and they don 't mean it personally , they are just being cautious . Show them you are making sure the dog is well out of their child 's way and they will see you and your dog as good citizens : - ) Daniel Apr 4 at 11 : 27 am · Thank you so much for your comment - I fully understand what you 're saying , and I don 't want to come off like I 'm wildly offended every time somebody avoids my dog . You 're right , any unknown dog can definitely carry risks , and I don 't blame people for trying to avoid them . However , what I 'm talking about is a little different , I think . Our neighborhood has a LOT of dogs , so it 's not abnormal for me to see somebody walk by 2 or 3 dogs with their kids or their dog and then cross the street or pick up their kid / pet specifically when we 're approaching , often with a dirty look . Mekko stays on a short 4 - foot leash ( and usually walks right next to us , particularly when we 're near people or other dogs ) , so it isn 't as though we 're dominating the sidewalk or anything . It 's pretty clear to me that it 's not just taking caution around dogs , it 's taking caution around my dog , and I don 't see any other rhyme or reason to it than a judgment based on her breed . And when that escalates to some kind of verbal statement , I don 't think that has anything to do with caution . Random people will take one look at her and literally tell me that she 's a dog who bites . Or approach me at the dog park and tell me specifically to keep my dog away from their 's , even though she hasn 't been aggressive and their dog is busy playing with other dogs her size or larger . It 's hard not to take that stuff personally when the prejudice seems really overt . I really , really don 't take issue with people who are cautious around dogs , or even people who don 't like dogs , but it makes me sad when that caution or dislike is reserved specifically for my dog . Meldorf Apr 7 at 1 : 05 pm · I see what you mean . People make judgements without knowing anything about your dog . It sounds like some people are just using prejudice to justify being silly and rude . It is really unfair when you are are just taking your perfectly lovely and innocence dog for a walk and some fun in a responsible way . There is no need for them to say things that are completely untrue and offensive . Second point and one you were so right about . All dogs CAN have behavioral issues . My grandmother had a Chihuahua and she had encouraged the most awful behavior with that dog . That dog would not allow anyone to get near my grandmother and she thought that was the most adorable thing . Dogs that are loved will show and return than love . Mekko is living proof . Here 's hoping for a nice mix of dog posts and design / decorating posts ! My sister and her husband got a Pit Bull puppy almost 5 years ago and honestly , they couldn 't / didn 't know how to handle him . Over the next few years , he became very aggressive , couldn 't be around anyone and was almost always in attack mode . A few weeks ago they had him put to sleep and it just broke my heart . I just love that the two of you are mature and responsible enough to take the time with Mekko . I have no doubt in my mind that she will grow up and stay her loving / playful self with parents like you guys . I live downtown Chicago and there are several Pit Bulls in my building who are beyond friendly , and my 4 year old son loves to pet them … and stalks them . . and dosent leave them alone to pee for a second . . but thats another story . Heather Apr 4 at 10 : 58 am · Yay Mekko ! She 's so adorable ! ! ! I 've got a little 15 lb Havanese that thinks he 's a big dog - and sometimes just has to show the other dogs that . I would never tell anyone with any dog ( unless it was being outwardly aggressive - my dog has been attacked on the street by a german shepard that got out of its fenced yard ) that it ' will bite ' - that 's insane ! My dog 's best friend is a 120 lb Irish Wolfhound . That being said - there are occasions that I see someone walking a big dog and I 'll cross the street - mostly just because my dog can get SO excited that I don 't want my dog to cause a scuffle . It has nothing to do with not trusting the other dog - I just know that my dog is a really in your face dog and I don 't want to risk it . Big dog owners - don 't take offense ! I love your dog - I just don 't want my dog to nip yours ! Heather Apr 4 at 11 : 38 am · Argh , I keep commenting before seeing the previous comments that have been made . I can totally see where you 're coming from , and that really sucks to be picked out like that just because of your dogs breed . I have known many pitbulls that are the sweetest , snuggliest dogs ever . Coming from a small dog owner - people also think it 's okay to just pick up your dog or have their kids grab it - people are insane and don 't know boundaries . Cheers to you guys for being responsible , friendly dog owners . I 'm so glad that Mekko has found such a loving home , you guys have really changed the world for her : ) Daniel Apr 4 at 11 : 46 am · That 's OK ! ! Both of your comments were in moderation , so the other one wasn 't visible when you commented ! And yes - the lack of boundaries with small dogs is equally ( if not more ) maddening than the avoidant reaction to big dogs . As sad as it is when people actively avoid us , I 'm really glad that people generally remember their " dog manners " around us and approach her the way that they should approach any dog . She 's never shown aggression towards people ( even ones who just reach out and pet her ) , but yeah - size is not a predictor of personality or how a dog will react to interacting with strangers . Heather Apr 4 at 11 : 32 am · PS - also - being a family is the best - if my boyfriend and I didn 't have Buster , I know our relationship wouldn 't be nearly as deep as it is . It 's awesome to have each other , but to have this little fur baby that crawls all over us and is happier than anyone in the world to see us ? Life changer . Yes , yes , people say that about kids , but my dog will never become a teenager ; ) And in the mornings she finds the cutest ways to cradle her head with her paw while curled up in the blankets I 've left behind , or stretches across the top of one of us with her back legs sticking straight out . I also love it when she 's really content and getting a chest rub and her ears go back and her eyes kind of glaze over . And how she 's obsessed with the air pockets ( ? ) that are used as packing filler when boxes come in the mail . She 'll nonchalantly pull it out of the box while we 're just sitting around , and just go to town . And if any part of the fluff inside a toy is visible , she won 't stop until ALL of the fluff is out . Our cutie is a boxer , and you can tell I 'm smitten . : ) Thanks for a full post dedicated to dog love . jeannette Apr 4 at 11 : 58 am · a pack of pit bulls ( three adorable dogs , two smiling waggling puppies and one wary old street chick ) walks by my house every day . two hispanic youths in droopy draws and sideways baseball caps are on the other ends of the leashes . they are all five too cute . i made friends with them the other day . the kids and the dogs are like rescued dolphins , or angels , i know . anytime anywhere i get into trouble , i know they will msg help and / or show up in person . Shauna Apr 4 at 12 : 18 pm · I smiled the whole way through this post … I love your dog . Not as much as my own dog but in a weird internet cute dog love way . : ) It 's so nice seeing a pittie getting so much love ( I live in Ontario , where there is a ban on them and it sucks ) . We have experienced the other dog owners crossing the street to avoid me and my rottie , and parents snatching up there children in fear … we used to be angry , but now we just feel sad for these people that they miss out on knowing such wonderful animals . ( ps the family photo is super cute ! ) Kim Apr 4 at 12 : 27 pm · Those pictures of Mekko are so precious ! ! Congratulations on your little family ! I use to live in a house where my roommate had a Pit Bull / Lab mix and she was the friendliest big dog I ever met . And yes , she loved to cuddle too ! There 's something really special about Pit Bulls that some people never get the chance to discover , and it 's that they can be so lovable and are so smart . I could talk days to my roommate 's dog for days and feel confident she understands every word . I 'm so glad you adopted Mekko and are including her in your blog . Can 't wait to read more ! Mom Apr 4 at 3 : 17 pm · I love reading how loved Mekko is by you and your followers . In reading Kim 's comment , I literally started to weep at my desk . Having had dogs around me all my life and now being dog - less for about 8 months , I realized I miss talking to them . Holding them , petting them , just being with them yes but talking to them is number one . I am home alone a lot , whether really home or at Grandma 's and all that alone time with no one to talk to is what I think drives me most crazy . Maybe only a real dog lover understands that but they do fill such a big hole in your life . OK , almost stopped crying now and need to report one of the most incredible things I 've seen Mekko do . She flys . Literally . She took a leap at my house from two steps into my family room over the back of the family room sofa and into my lap . I think her ears were even out , Dumbo style . Not sure about that since it happened in a blink , but in my mind that 's how it looked and yes , she can fly . Daniel Apr 4 at 3 : 57 pm · I 'm sorry , Mommy ! Someday you 'll get another doggy , but until then you should just come visit us lots and lots ! You can talk to Mekko all you want , although I 'm not sure her comprehension is quite as developed as some of our pups . I can 't believe I didn 't mention her insane leaping skills ! ! YES , MY MOTHER IS RIGHT . Mekko 's legs are made of springs . She jumps directly over coffee tables , sofas , people , and her vertical leap is outrageous . She 'd probably be an amazing frisbee dog , if she had any inclination to run after things other than dogs and people . I recall being really , really worried one time when my kiddo and I were walking along an unfamiliar block and an unleashed pit bull was in a yard across the street from us . The person with the dog was a very un - Daniel - like young man whose look and demeanor probably had more to do with my reaction than the dog did . He did not look like a responsible person , let alone pet owner , at all . As we walked by , my heart starting thumping , my imagination brought on bloodied limbs , ambulances and nightmares , and I scooped up my little one and raced along immediately . Probably very much an over - reaction , but my protective instincts had kicked into high gear and I had no choice but to listen to them . Perhaps nothing would have happened , but who knows . I have been on the other side of this situation too , as a ( former ) pet owner . Our cat died several years ago , but he was big Maine Coone who was a terrible grouch ( even though we were good cat parents ) . Once we had friends over , and one couple brought their toddler . I took the toddler to our bathroom , and when we came out , our cat trapped us both in the hallway by blocking the exit , complete with an arched back and scary hissing and yowling . It was awful ! I myself was afraid getting near the crazy cat and had to call my husband to come and rescue us . The toddler was completely freaked out , and his parents , who were definitely not thrilled , gave our cat a new name that day - " Killer . " It was sort of funny , but it was also rather mortifying . So I guess you just never know . But I 'm glad to hear that you are such a responsible dog owner . Mekko is lucky to have you and Max . 1 . I grew up with dogs - mostly dogs that had pit bull in them . Never a pure breed , but enough that it was obvious that my dog was a pittie in some capacity . People always assumed they would attack . They never did . You know who did bite ? A labrador ( my niece ) and a malamute ( me ) . 2 . Pitties are so adorable . I love how happy they look all the time . 3 . I understand what you mean about family . My husband and I have chosen not to have kids , but we have a 13 year old cat and regardless of what anyone says , the three of us are a family . Jen Apr 4 at 2 : 05 pm · Thanks for the followup post on Mekko ! I was wondering how she was adjusting to her new life with you guys . I 'm about to move into a new place and after having a longtime roommate who was reluctant to get a dog , I 'm so excited to be able to get one of my own . I 'm inclined to go for a Pit just because there are so many of them in the nyc shelters and everything I 've seen from the friends who have one proves that these dogs can be incredibly sweet and loving when they 're in good homes . So good for you ( and Max ) for working to dispel the myth that they 're dangerous . Jenny Apr 4 at 2 : 31 pm · Hi Daniel - As a million others have said , your writing is incredible , your blog is a treasure , and Mekko is beyond adorable ! I just have to say that maybe some other dog owners cross the street when they see you coming not because of Mekko , but because of their own dogs ' issues . We have sweet , wonderful rescue dog - but her years on the streets left her traumatized . She gets scared by other dogs and will attack ( or , actually , put on a big ferocious display as if she will attack ) when she 's in close contact with another dog . As a result , we avoid contact with almost other dogs when we 're out in the world ( off leash in the dog park seems ok , but anywhere else is a no - no ) . Sadly , we just can 't participate in sweet sniff - fests that I see other dogs enjoying on their walks . But what 's hard is that people assume that if we are avoiding them and their dogs it 's because of something we perceive in about * their * dog , when in fact it 's the opposite - it 's because of something we know about * our * dog ! Anyhow , I 'm sure there are haters but there may also be some folks like us who would love to see our dogs play / sniff / greet with your dog , but know that just isn 't a good idea . For whatever that 's worth . Daniel Apr 4 at 2 : 42 pm · Yes , I ABSOLUTELY understand that , and in fact it 's normally what I assume is happening . I 'm really just talking about the people who I see pass by three other dogs in front of us , but cross the street when they see us . I 'm not the sort of person who 's out there looking for ways to feel slighted by others , but I do see a stigma about my dog in particular fairly often . And it 's really not that I 'm offended - I want to keep my dog as safe as possible , too . People hold their biases for certain reasons , and I can 't fault anybody for trying to avoid a threat , whether it 's real or perceived . It 's just personally sad for me that I know we face certain judgments walking around with a Pit at the end of our leash and are reminded of them frequently . Marian Apr 5 at 4 : 03 pm · Jenny , I 'm so glad you brought this up . I also have a sweet 3 year old Pittie who is the best cuddle buddy anyone could ever ask for , and she can dissect a tennis ball from it 's fuzz in record time . But becasue of her past ( bait dog , with the scars to prove it ) she just can 't handle being around other dogs . In the instances where I turn a corner and suddenly there 's a dog in front of us , and Amelia flips out , I can 't help but feel like I 'm sometimes perpetuating the stereotype . For that reason , we go out on early morning and late night walks , and we aviod other dogs at all costs ; to make sure that we aren 't inadvertantly reinforcing a stereotype that just simply isn 't true . She 's got her few neighbor dogs that she 's friends with , and she is completely fufilled with that . And if she 's happy , I 'm happy . It 's always refreshing to hear from other people who go through the same issues and don 't let it get them down . : ) KBurns Apr 4 at 4 : 02 pm · Great post ! Mekko warms my heart and I know exactly what you mean about going from a couple to a family . We have a Boxer and American Eskimo in our little apartment and I wouldn 't have it any other way . Well maybe a little more space . Our boxer is extremely social too and wants to play with anyone that looks at her . I 've experienced people giving us more space and I actually appreciate it . People that want to pet her usually approach and ask if it 's ok . When I see Pit Bull owners I make it a point to smile at them and their dog because I know they probably deal with a lot of negativity . If you haven 't already checked them out Bad Rap is a great pit bull organization based out of Oakland . They have tons of great info on their website . Kyli Apr 4 at 5 : 28 pm · We have a 14 lb Italian Greyhound / Chihuahua mix . He was abused in his previous home ( with one noticable scar to prove it ) and has some behavioral issues as a result . He 's also a small dog who exhibits some stereotypical " small dog " Napoleanic neuroses . We sometimes cross the street when we see another dog because he will occasionally pull , bark and growl at that dog . Also living in Brooklyn , we pass a LOT of dogs . We are careful about letting strangers get too close too fast or back him into corners because we know he can be defensive . Despite all of this , he is a wonderful , silly , cuddly and sweet dog . He 's basically our kid . Gaidig Apr 4 at 6 : 28 pm · I 'm glad things are going so well with her . Although I didn 't comment last time , I must say that I couldn 't agree more with your comments about Pits . Every one I have known has been super sweet and cuddly , as well as very much desiring to please . Of course , they 're crazy energetic , too . I do think that certain breeds have certain personality traits , but there are also many issues that come from the owners rather than the dogs . I read once that Pit Bulls ' desire to please their owners is one reason that they can be trained to fight - they 'll do whatever their owner wants , even if it means they get hurt . That makes me tear up quite a bit . Kim Apr 4 at 7 : 30 pm · She 's a beautiful dog and she looks so sweet - I 'm so glad you are finding happiness with her ! We have 2 dogs - a Bichon Frise named Eleanor who we got from a breeder 4 years ago and a Black Lab / Great Dane mix named Rigby who we rescued and who just had his 2nd birthday . They are totally in love with each other and we are totally in love with them . Having the big dog / small dog dynamic ( with a baby due in 6 weeks ) is totally fun and frantic and I hear you completely when you say that adding Mekko to your couple made you feel like a family . The same thing happened for us when we got Ellie and the feeling grew when Rigby bounded into our lives ( or , more accurately because he was only 9 weeks old , tripped and stumbled on his own gangly legs as he clumsily fell into our lives ) . I 'm looking forward to seeing how the pups react to the baby ! ! I adore your blog , you 're a very talented writer : ) We used to live in Boerum Hill , on Wyckoff between Smith and Hoyt . We now live in Fort Greene and I will be happy if we never leave Brooklyn ! Furpants Apr 4 at 8 : 24 pm · Squeeeeeee ! Mekko is so cute and lovable . It 's not the breed , its the owner and the way the dog has been treated . To play Devil 's Advocate , as a stranger on the street , I can 't know what kind of owner you are or what your dog 's experience has been . I love dogs and am around them all the time . I 've been attacked three times and have scars to prove it - a german shepard , a chow mix , and a pit bull . All three were loose dogs that had gotten out on their own . And yes , after the first time , the other 2 times probably happened because I was scared to death when I was startled at finding a stray dog in my path . I know this makes me sound like some kind of crazy dog bait . Believe me , I 've had pets my whole life - dogs , cats , sheep , horses , chickens . I 'm good with animals . But some breeds require more caution than others and I just want to tell your readers why I think so . That said , Mekko is cute as hell and once you assured me she was friendly , I would totally hug and kiss the sh * t out of her cute little face . The Vintage Cabin Apr 4 at 9 : 36 pm · Oh Mekko , what a darling dear she is ! I just love her and love to see how much you both care for her . I have a 6 year old French Bulldog named Pierre ( aka Poo - Air , as he has terrible gas ) and I couldn 't love him more than I do . He is so special and has changed my life for the better , so I can most certainly relate . Kudos to you and Max for taking in a stigma dog and proving that Pit Bulls can be some of the sweetest dogs around . If only more people cared for their animals as much as you do , there are so many assholes in the world when it comes to pets it just breaks my heart . Troy Ford Apr 4 at 9 : 42 pm · Hey Guys … . THANK YOU for sharing Mekko and educating the public . As the owner of two pit bulls , Jozi and JD I know exactly how you feel ! ! ! ! I also do rescue work with an organization called rescue - a - bull … . check us out and also join the Pit Bull Lovers Unite group on FB … . I am posting your blog for the group to see right now ! ! Thanks again and keep up the great blog ! ! ! Andrew A . Apr 5 at 12 : 41 am · Love , love , love this post and your family . I was a single dog owner / lover and found a partner that adores our Italian Greyhound . It 's fantastic how wonderfully our dogs complete our circle . Best wishes ! Liz Apr 5 at 5 : 54 am · THAT DOG IS ADORABLE . Cannot be overstated . My boyfriend and I just got ( I say just , but she 's almost a year ) a Great Dane puppy . Best dog ever , and so damn sweet and cute . I think their personalities are similar to Pit Bulls - snuggly , super friendly , eager to please , and yes , immediately tears the fuzz off of tennis balls . Also get a bad rap . You just got yours in a more compact package than we did . : ) Congrats and I LOVE HER : - D kowhai Apr 5 at 9 : 28 am · just wanted to say i think ur blog is epic and truly enjoy ur updates . i often wonder what will he do next to the apartment and when will bloglovin hit me with an update . i truly love ur attention to detail . i am a designer and my family and friends thing i have ocd because i think unless u do the job to 100 % i don 't see the point in doing it . i colour code , group and organise everything i own ! i have filing cabinets which makes life just magic . i can 't stand clutter and half finished jobs . i would love to have an apartment such as urs . i esp love the detail you provide about ur diy in ur blog - for someone like me it refreshing to see the steps and how things evolve throughout the process . i have not come across another blog such as urs before . + i am a mad dog lover ( my dog recently died ) so i just love seeing others really enjoy sharing their lives with a dog in a great apartment . keep up the good work and totally use ur talent to make some $ . perhaps sponsorship would be a cool idea … ikea perhaps . any one in the usa would be lucky to have some design tips from u ! thats my blurb just wanted to share some blog love all the way from New Zealand . This is the smartest thing I have heard about dog ownership in a long time . I think if more dog owners took this advice to heart everyone ( dogs included ) would be a lot safer . I 'm constantly evaluating my dogs issues in terms of my actions . I have two rescue dogs who look like black Golden - retrievers / Newfoundlanders . One of them is full of bullets in his front legs due to whatever life he lived before he came to us : ( All dogs no matter the breed have issues and need owners ( like you ) who will work to understand and train / treat them accordingly . I 'm giving you a much deserved slow clap for this post . Congrats on the family of three xx Ryan Apr 5 at 1 : 24 pm · I see similar qualities between mekko and my black lab / pit mix and over the year we 've had Flynn , I 've warmed up to the idea that the pit bull part of him isn 't a negative . Unfortunately I live in a neighborhood where I do have to worry about the other pit bulls and I don 't trust my neighbors . Mostly it 's just three dogs at one location up the street where the dogs are dog - aggressive and have attacked twice . We always keep the dogs on leash when on the street or at the park ( regular non - dog park ) and that isn 't the case with a lot of other dogs . Overall , we have a good experience with stranger dogs 90 % of the time . I am wary of the dogs that I know are poorly socialized and mistreated . It is especially hard when I see them first as puppies in the yard - just cute and excited and curious - then over the years then never seem to leave that yard and just get more aggressive and suspicious . Margaret Apr 5 at 3 : 43 pm · My heart is so happy for you and your little cuddle bug Mekko ( she is stunningly beautiful btw ) . I stumbled upon your blog right around the time you adopted her . I kept coming back for updates on her and for those super cute pictures that make my heart melt . I too am a pit bull owner and proud mamma of Sydney who 's 9 this year . I will never own another kind of dog but a pit . When you said " She would cuddle all day , everyday . She is a fabulous little spoon and snores like a heavyset man , and it 's amazing . And she 's so warm . " I got goose bumps because that is how my Sydney is . She 's a professional cuddler and snorer and loves , loves , loves people ! Also I 'm just guessing but I 'm sure Mekko has the sofest belly too . Sydney has what I call CLB ( creamy luscious belly ) because it 's so soft and perfect for raspberries . It 's so sad these loving dogs get such a bad rap and get treated so badly but it just warms my heart when someone brings one into their home and loves them they way they deserve . Thank you for sharing your story with us all , now go give Mekko some cuddle time : ) Emily Apr 5 at 10 : 31 pm · I 've never commented before - though I absolutely LOVE your blog - but I just had to say that I have a 7 year old golden retriever who does the exact same thing as Mekko … whenever I walk him , if he sees a dog or person that he wants to say " hi " to ( doesn 't matter if they 're 100 - 200 feet away ) , he will plant himself on the ground , wag his tail and - no joke - smile . He 's a big dog and it breaks my heart when people don 't want to say hi or when owners of other , mostly smaller dogs cross the street . I can only imagine how having the undeserved stigma that pitbulls have would add to this . And yes , tennis balls only exist to forcibly remove the fuzz on the outside of the rubber . Fortunately , he will still play fetch when I want to . And it took several months , but my dog will now fetch my ny times too ! I loved this post ( although I love all of your posts - your wit and humor are infectious ) . I can 't wait to hear more about Mekko and your new family ! Peta Apr 5 at 11 : 12 pm · I love pit - bulls , and I love reading about how much both you and your man care for Mekko . My parents have a Pit Bull - Greyhound cross , and she is the sweetest and most caring thing I have come across . I looked after her recently when they went on a holiday , and I 'm pretty sure after that two week period that they wern 't going to get their dog back … . she 's MINE ! Sadly , they did take her back , mores the pity - I miss my morning spoon ( The bf isn 't as depressed about it , I don 't think he appreciated being second - spoon to an albeit gorgeous doggy ) . I can definitely attest to how people are a little wary of this sweet breed of dog . I was at the park the other day with my Mum , and was pretty much ready to call it a day and get going , when this man stormed up to me and told me my dog ( I wish ) was a menace , and that it should be muzzled because everyone in this park was a danger . I should put IT ( ahem , IT ? Rage . ) back on the lead and go home , because we were not welcome . Well then . I promptly told him to go fuck himself , and stayed at the park for an extra half - hour , to which Rozzie the sweet , gorgeous Pit Bull was most pleased about . It just goes to show that some people have very strong misconceptions about the breed , and sadly it 's the burden we bear to have these gorgeous dogs in our lives . Mum and Dad might be getting pups out of her in the near future , and all I can say is " Shotgun ! " . ellen Apr 6 at 12 : 49 am · I have the ultimate sweet shaggy dog that we rescued from the pound when he was about 1 year old . His name is Henry and he looks like a big Sheepdog . He doesn 't run , he galumphs . He came with a toe missing and has a slight limp . EVERYONE wants to pet him and know what kind of dog he is . He has liquid brown eyes and a timid smile . EVERYON wants to pet him . What they don 't know is that something bad happened to him before we got him and he is very timid . What they also don 't know is that if they impulsively try to pet him , he will snarl and retreat . I am always hyper - vigilant when I take him out so that he never gets in a situation where he feels he is trapped , he can 't handle it . I also have a cat who never had anything bad happen to him . He is big and surly and old AND he chases people - seriously . I have had two people come up to me to complain that my cat was chasing them and what was I going to do about it . I just looked at them and said " it 's a cat , you don 't DO anything about a cat " . My point ? Glad you asked . My point is that one should always be cautious about any animal they don 't know - cuteness does not directly correlate with non - agression - I 'm sure Pit Bulls get a bad rap . Diane Apr 6 at 3 : 29 pm · I am one of those who would cross the street . Having said that , I adore dogs of all kinds but I am respectful and aware that not all dogs have kind , consistent , and discipline minded owners . You are one of those people who has lived and loved dogs his whole life and I believe you recognized a good soul in Mekko . Sweetest face and eyes . Wishing you a joyful and fun - filled 10 years . diana Apr 7 at 6 : 07 am · Anyone who loves dogs the way you do is a good person in my book . I didn 't care about dogs until I 've accidentally got two of them . What they 've opened in my heart is unique , they are not people , not babies . They are dogs . As you said , and I 'd like to say it again : DOG . DOG - DOG - DOG - DOG - DOG . DOG . There . Mom Apr 7 at 11 : 47 pm · So what 's up ? Where are the rest of questions answered ? Don 't let down your fans . Paul T Apr 8 at 5 : 02 pm · It 's great that you have taken on Mekko and you definitely seem to have the right idea . Over here in the UK , pitbulls are a banned breed , sadly … our animal shelters are full of Staffies ( Staffordshire Bull Terriers ) which are another breed with an undeserved bad reputation due mainly to unsuitable people buying them as ' status ' dogs . I know a number of Staffies quite well and although they look quite pugnacious they are , generally , very sweet natured and friendly dogs . It 's too easy to blame the breed for something which is due to the way specific animals have been treated , and politicians under pressure to ' do something ' have an unfortunate tendency to knee - jerk legislation . As a keen dog owner myself I 'm very aware that any dog can have issues as you say ; it 's the responsibility of the owner to ensure that dogs are trained and socialised and most decent owners learn over time to read their pets ' body language and the circumstances and to head off problems before they happen . My partner ( of 23 years ) and I have four dogs - three Golden Retrievers and a Scots Terrier . The biggest of the retrievers weighs in at more than 40Kg and has the potential to do serious damage just by bouncing around - she 's a gentle giant and would be very unlikely to intentionally harm any human or another dog , but we routinely put her back on the leash when we 're around small children in the park , for example . Just yesterday we took our 4 to the park where they ran around happily for nearly an hour and socialised with a variety of dogs : everything from a Jack Russell Terrier , through a pair of 4 - month - old pups , a Staffie , a young greyhound and a German Shepherd , up to a huge and magnificent creature which looked like a Malamute ( think blue eyed wolf nearly as big as a Great Dane ) - and their respective owners . Everybody had a great time ! Ultimately it 's all about good manners - both human and canine . Jenn Apr 9 at 3 : 47 pm · None of this wonderfulness surprises me one bit . I knew you guys found a beautiful - sweet little girl and that she found her forever home with you two to LOVE her and spoil her . As far as dogs on the furniture ? Pull - Eeeeeze ! This isn 't my grandparent 's house . Our pit - mix and one very ornery Chihuahua live all over our white furniture and I wouldn 't have it any other way . Ivy Deitch Apr 9 at 5 : 01 pm · Mekko is ADORABLE ! I , too , am a pit bull owner , and I 'll be loyal to the bully breed as long as I live . Like Mekko , ours ( Cooper is her name ) MUST tear the fuzz off of a tennis ball bit by bit , and leave it strewn across our living room . And , she 's the best cuddler I 've ever known . She has also ripped several of the corners off of our couch pillows - yours look like they 've been luckier with Mekko . That being said , I would probably do the opposite of many people and approach nearly any pit bull . I have a unrealistic belief that they are ALL sweet babies - I forget that some owners take advantage of their desire to please abuse it . It gives me so much hope to see you so boldly adopting your Mekko , and standing up for her breed ! Can I ask how you leash trained ? We have been trying desperately to train Cooper and it just isn 't sticking . Our method has been making her sit every time she pulls , but she doesn 't seem to care . I also have the " gentle leader " harness , but that certainly doesn 't help the pit bulls = biting dog stereotype . It works great , but looks like she has a muzzle . Any tips you have would be MUCH appreciated . Daniel Apr 10 at 12 : 10 pm · I 'm DEFINITELY no expert on this stuff , but what worked for us was getting a harness that she didn 't mind wearing ( this one , all the other ones irritated her sensitive little underarms ! ) . We actually bought a gentle leader and promptly returned it because she FREAKED out when we put it on her . I 've met a lot of people who have had great luck with the other gentle leader , which looks like a normal harness but has the loop for the leash on the front , by their chest , but we didn 't try that . For a while , if she was pulling we would just turn completely around and walk a few steps back in the other direction . She got used to it pretty quickly and I think the effectiveness wained , but I still think it was a good way to emphasize that she needed to pay attention to what we were doing by breaking up the linearity of a normal walk . When she began to expect that , we changed to stopping and making her sit every time she pulled , using the command " slow down " right before " sit . " We used treats at the beginning ( just a bag of her food , so she wasn 't eating 80328345634 treats ) , but she isn 't super food - motivated so we found that a physical touch was more effective . When she got better , we would just say slow down and stop and reward her , and when she got good at that , we switched to just a gentle tug back on the leash a bit and repeating the " slow down " command , and telling her she was good when she did . Now , for the most part , she just slows down when we say the command , depending on whether she 's on her normal route or in new territory ( still gets excited and pull - y in new places ) . I think it might have been easier if she was more food - motivated , and I know some dogs who have basically been trained to fixate on their owner 's treat - bearing hand when given a command while walking , which redirects their focus toward YOU instead of whatever they 're pulling toward ( or just the tendency to get to the destination faster ! ) . It 's definitely a work in progress and she isn ' tsara Apr 12 at 9 : 22 pm · i hadn 't checked your blog in a while . and i was super excited to see your post dedicated to your fur child . i just adopted my second dog , only to realize my first dog is a real dick . not mean or bad , just that kid you see in the grocery store kicking their mom in the shins while informing heavy set ladies that walk by that they are fat . but i love them both more that i could ever have imagined , and i was so happy to read when you had taken the plunge and adopted ! she is a sweetie and i am just so happy that she has a wonderful , loving home . you guys rock ! Louise C Apr 13 at 2 : 51 am · I 've been bitten once by a dog - and it was a chihuahua in some lady 's handbag . Have cuddled and loved Pitbulls , boxers , all sorts of " dangerous breeds " and never had a problem . Unfortunately it is the media that blows up these breeds out of proportion , because one person got bitten , mostly because they frightened the dog or made it mad . In NZ , a toddler got bitten by a dog ( can 't remember the breed I 'm sorry ! ) because it kept tugging / pulling on its testicles … and the owners did not think to tell the toddler not to do that … huh wut ? I don 't know what happened to the dog , but those stories make me angry because of how much blame is put on the dog , even though its testicles are nearly parting from its body ! I felt more sorry for the dog than the toddler . Mary Jane Apr 13 at 5 : 55 pm · Love this post ! I completely understand how getting a dog transforms you from a " couple " into a family . Its a strange transition , but its a very loving place to be . As for pit bull stigma - we adopted an adult ( 15 lb ) terrier mix , who is incredibly reactive and barky to almost every dog he sees , sniffs , hears , etc . ( with a few exceptions ) . Little dogs , like ours , can be total jerks . We 've been trying for months to work on this , but it just ONCE AGAIN proves the point that any dog can be aggressive and that no one breed should be stigmatized the way that pits are . Sarah W . Apr 16 at 4 : 31 pm · Here 's my 2 cents of dog advice : I also let my ( fairly crazy ) dog on all the furniture because I like cuddling with her better than her being perfectly behaved / having perfect furniture . However , every couple months she gets REALLY naughty about jumping on the couch ( violently jumping up on it , up on the back of the couch , jumping over the entire couch to get across the room , etc . ) . When she starts doing this , we institute a " no couch month " were she isn 't allowed up for a while , and when we let her back up , she realizes it 's a bit of a privilege and won 't be as naughty … for a while . : ) Adam Apr 17 at 2 : 18 pm · I 'm almost 100 % positive I ran into you and your dog last week at PetSmart . I didn 't realize till after it might have been you . Your dog is super cute in person . kmkat Apr 29 at 8 : 39 pm · My son and his fiance adopted a pit bull last summer , and he is ADORABLE ! I prefer my pets to be furry , but Percy has won me over . His face is so earnest . Here he is : Juliet May 1 at 6 : 46 pm · Oh Daniel , For all the pitbulls out there , and all the people who love them and work to rescue these amazing creatures , THANK YOU for this post ! ( Our pitbull mix of 14 years died last month . She was actually dog - aggressive , so we took to telling people that she was a " lab mix " b / c we didn 't want folks to associate her " more difficult attributes " with pitbulls . She was probably pitbull / german shepherd . ) Recently we adopted a pure pitbull from a rescue group here in Chicago ( he came from Animal Care and Control and was 48 hours from being euthanized before they " pulled " him and put him in a foster home ) . He is sweet as can be . Just like how you describe Mekko - amazing cuddler , really really warm , loves all people AND other dogs . As a full pit he is actually easier to socialize with than our prior dog , that was not 100 % pitbull . What has been heartbreaking and maddening are all the strangers and people we know even , who are terrified of him based on the fact that he is a pitbull . In the short time we 've had him , a depressing number of people have crossed the streets with their dogs ( usually golden retrievers ) when they see us coming down the sidewalk so that we don 't walk by them . He is the most dog - friendly dog I know . Last night , my husband was walking with our pre - schooler on the campus near our home and he saw an educated college student with her golden retriever talking on her cell phone . Our pitbull Sam wanted to say hi to her dog and my husband was walking him over ( we never would have done this with our other dog , but Sam is different story ) . She quickly said to the person on the other line " Oh , I 've got to go ! There is a pitbull coming at me ! " As they departed , Sam whined sadly . Friends of ours , even , are asking if it is safe to bring their toddler to our home with Sam for a party I am throwing for my husband . Really sad . We are unaccustomed to this sort of blanket fear of pitbulls . So , this is all to say THANK YOU for being an unabashed champion of theshttp : / / www . wgntv . com / videogallery / 69334808 / News / Dogs - just - want - to - have - fun Emily H Aug 23 at 3 : 35 pm · Hey - I just stumbled across your website ( I think I was reading something about dogs because I 'm obsessed with mine and there was a link to your story about Linus ) and now I can 't stop reading . You 're such an awesome writer , you 're super talented with design ( I envy your apartment ! ) , you do super cool things , and your dogs are quite possibly the cutest . Just wanted to give you a shout out that your ' e awesome and I appreciate your blog and your humor . Rock on .
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Lori was a very beautiful young bride as she walked down the aisle toward her soon to be husband . Her white gown helped accentuate her deep blue eyes and long blond hair . Her breast filled her gown to near overflowing . A good bit of her cleavage was spilling over the top of her gown 's bodice . The form fitting gown wrapped around her firm body and offered a nice view of the shape of her . . . Read On Julie was twenty - one - years - old when we met in the mid - seventies . She was a petite and beautiful Native American with light brown skin . Her 5 ' 5 " , 110 pound , body was crowned with a silky dark brown mane of straight hair that reached half way down her slender back . Her dark brown eyes were captivating as were her breasts . Her tits were small but very firm . They needed no support from a . . . Read On Over the years , I had developed many friends through my hobbies of CB radio and auto racing . Many an evening was spent enjoying one of our coffee and bullshit gatherings that seemed to spontaneously develop . Someone over the radio would suggest meeting at a Sambo 's for coffee , and before you knew it , twenty or thirty people , sometimes more , would show up at the local Sambo 's . Most of us . . . Read On By early in 2003 , I had been an active member of an internet community for several years . The community was a NASCAR racing related group consisting of members from all over the United States . There were even a few members who popped in from overseas . The community members would spend hours chatting with each other in the chat room of the web site . Our conversations were not limited . . . Read On It was a warm spring midday in a southwestern desert city . I had been relaxing with a tall glass of iced tea when the phone rang . It was Jean , a married friend of mine . She asked me , " Would you meet me somewhere for a drink ? I want to ask you something very personal . " Having nothing pressing to do at the time , I agreed to meet with her . " Sure Jean , I 'll meet with you . Will The Hanger . . . Read On I 'm in my early sixties and still in decent shape . The family and I had been talking about moving from our current home to one we own on the far side of our property . Though it was only about a hundred fifty yards across a field , the move would solve several problems for us . That home has larger rooms and much easier access for our wheel chair using family members . It is also much closer and . . . Read On After our first rendezvous , and multi - orgasmic date , Dawn and I had returned to our respective homes where our cyberspace relationship continued . We chatted and teased each other nearly every night . Over the next few weeks , the lone night we spent together was practically the only topic we talked about . Dawn continued to be amazed by her ability to have multiple orgasms . She said she . . . Read On By the mid ' 90s , Terri and I had been married for more than twenty years . I had taken a job as a private investigator . It paid very well . However , it kept me away from home for weeks at a time . Though a few trips were by air , most of my travel was in my personal car . I had been on the road nearly two weeks when I met Sue . Shortly after dark on a Saturday evening , I stopped for the night . . . Read On College Pals Joan was a petite , nineteen - year - old , brunette . She was five foot two inches tall . Her body was accented by nice pair of B - cup breasts and rounded hips that were just large enough to give her some very nice curves . She had very little body fat . Her belly was soft but flat . She usually wore her hair in a style that framed her face in a soft oval . Joan was not a glamorous . . . Read On Seema Patel was a lovely young woman . She was twenty - one years old and had recently graduated from college . She had gotten the high marks in all of her classes and had graduated with honors . Her mother , Asha Patel , and her younger brother , Manish , were both very proud of her . It had not been easy for Seema . She had grown up as part of a traditional family in a small village in central . . . Read On Once in the couch room , Seema found a darkened corner and had Ron sit on the couch . She had him lean back and slide down until his hips were on the edge . Ron was practically lying on the couch . This was how she had seen Jenny position her earlier customers . Seema then nervously slipped her thin robe off her shoulders . She draped it over the end of the small couch . She sat next to Ron , who . . . Read On I am Lucky Smith . With a name like Smith , my mother must have figured I needed a first name that was a little different . Since my father was nowhere to be found , she wanted to give me a bit of an edge over the crowd . It must have worked . Except for my selection of a wife , I have become quite successful in life . Mother also instilled in me a frugal nature . If I wanted something . . . Read On It had been several months since I had spent time with my daughter Tiffany 's best friend , Mitali . The memory of giving that sweet thing her first orgasm while the tip of my tongue lapped up her pussy 's juices and showing her how to give a good blowjob was still fresh in my mind . Unfortunately , lately she always seemed busy . I only saw her briefly whenever she came to visit Tif , or they . . . Read On My name is Jim , and I am a 30 - year - old night patrolman at a large warehouse complex . Part of my duties are to patrol a large lot where many of the truckers who come to the warehouses drop their empty trailers . The trailer lot is private property owned by the warehouse company , but since it is outside the security fence , it can be accessed from the county road that runs past by it . There is . . . Read On It had been a long , dark , and stormy day in central New Jersey . A large hurricane had broken up off the coast of the Carolinas , and its remnants were moving up the eastern seaboard . I had not been anxious to tackle the fourteen - hour drive home in such a storm . So , I had slept a little later than usual . It was late morning when I finally checked out of my motel room near Patterson , NJ . The . . . Read On I was a sixteen - year - old high school sophomore in the Spring of 1964 . Like many boys my age , I had a major case of insecurity , especially around girls . I had heard all the guys ' locker - room talk about what they had done with their girlfriends . All I had ever accomplished with a girl was to get a quick kiss . I guess I was a late bloomer . About a month before school let out for the summer , . . . Read On Background Terri and I had been married for about seven years when , out of the blue , she left . I had no idea why . She returned about one month later . During the marriage counseling sessions that followed Terri 's return , she said she didn 't know who she was . She said , " I wouldn 't let her be her . " What the hell is that supposed to mean ? During one of our sessions , I had told Terri , " . . . look . . . Read On I first saw her at a local dirt race track . The track was located on the southern edge of a southwestern desert city . It was a hot Friday night in July of 1977 . Earlier in the evening my car had suffered mechanical troubles so , I was out of the show for the night . Instead of racing , I was wandering around the pit area socializing with my friends and competitors . One of those friends . . . Read On Traveling for a living can be a boring and lonely existence . As a private investigator working within the trucking insurance industry , I spent roughly three weeks per month on the road . It didn 't take long to realize that the better hotels and motels are the only places to stay . You just never know what you 'll get with the cheaper places . Therefore , I have stayed at Holiday Inns . . . Read On Henry had a lot of spare time on his hands . His wife of thirty years had passed away a couple of years ago . The insurance settlement had left him well off , but lonely . He was in his early fifties and balding , but he had maintained a reasonably fit body with just a bit of a belly bulge . His dogs had become his family . His favorite pastimes were watching TV and the girls across the street . . . . Read On Henry 's life had settled down considerably after popping their cherries and initiating sixteen - year - olds , Candy and Tasha , into the world of sex . Even with the little blue pills , those two teenagers along with Tasha 's mother , Helen , had nearly worn out his fifty - year - old ass . Helen had become Henry 's girlfriend and a frequent visitor . Henry and Helen enjoyed maintaining the fantasy of her . . . Read On About two o ' clock one Saturday afternoon , Henry heard a soft knock on his door . His sixteen - year - old neighbor , Candy , was at the door . Just last week , he had initiated Candy into the world of sex . Candy had been an avid student . Looking out his front window , Henry saw Candy had a friend with her . As he opened his front door , Candy cheerfully asked , " Hi , Henry ! Can we come in ? " " Of . . . Read On My name is Jim and I am an avid dirt track racing fan . It was a warm Friday night and I was enjoying a leisurely drive to my home on the west side of Phoenix , Arizona . I had been to the stock car races at the local dirt track . It was getting late and both my truck and I were covered in a layer of dirt from the track . A shower was going to feel great . About a mile from home , I noticed a . . . Read On The four of them then walked down the beach in search of a flat area to set up the volleyball net . Ritu held Jay 's hand as they led the way . After walking about ten yards , Rick tentatively reached for Naina 's hand . She smiled at Rick and firmly grasped his offered hand . About one hundred yards down the beach from the boat , they found a perfect spot for a volleyball game . The guys had the . . . Read On They Got More Than A Lesson In Sport Rick was a 22 - years - old university Senior . He stood six foot one inch tall , and he had a well tanned muscular body . He had blond hair , and blue eyes . He looked like the typical well tanned southern California surfer , except he wasn 't in southern California . He was the captain and star player of an Upstate South Carolina university 's men 's . . . Read On For the second consecutive growing season , the monsoons had failed to arrive over the Indian rice paddies . Without the heavy annual rainfall , the Nalwali family had been unable to produce their customarily bountiful crop of top quality rice . It was the proceeds from the rice crop that allowed the Nalwali family to not only survive but to provide the resources to keep the land they farmed . . . . Read On Naina was visibly shaking with excitement as the Gulfstream touched down on the strip behind the Price home . Abby saw Naina 's nervousness . She took the teen 's hand and led her off the plane and down the steps to the ground . Master Price followed the girls off the plane and briefly spoke to them , " Welcome home , Naina . I think you will have an exciting life here . Abby , show Naina to the . . . Read On Andrew , actually he preferred Andy , was a 38 - year - old fan of local high school sports . Though he had no favorite team to follow , he attended games all over the north Georgia county where he lived . He always sat as high in the bleachers as he possibly could . That was usually the top row on the away team 's side of the field or court . That way he not only got a great view of the ball game , he . . . Read On Mit Has Gotten Her Answers My daughter Tiffany doesn 't understand why her best friend , Mitali Singh , no longer attends their high school ball games on Friday nights . The answer is simple and complicated at the same time . Tiff 's friend Mit has become my lover . Tiff usually leaves the house to join the other cheerleaders around six P . M . Mit arrives shortly thereafter . I . . . Read On Catherine was a guest lecturer at a small , southern , community college . She had been in town for just under three weeks . Her lecture on that fateful day had lasted a little longer than usual . On top of that , her students had asked many more questions than they normally would have . By the time she left the classroom it was getting late . She hoped she hadn 't missed her ride . To add insult . . . Read On From the time Alex walked out of the warehouse security office where I work , she was all I could think of . What a night it turned out to be , for both of us . I couldn 't help but think to my self , " Would such a beautiful , 18 - year - old , college bound girl like Alex really meet a 30 - year - old security guard like me ? After all , I had used blackmail to get her to come visit me at work last night . ' . . . Read On I had returned home about noon Saturday to find the beautiful , 18 - year - old , Alex sitting on my living room couch , sobbing . Her cell phone lay in pieces on the floor . To my surprise , after I held her a few moments , she offered her virginity to me right then and there . Alex , still sobbing , had bluntly asked , " Jim , do you want to fuck me ? Right now ? " I gently turned her down . I just . . . Read On Alex Moves In Later that afternoon , after Alex and I had made tension , tear , and yelling filled phone calls to her father , Alex and I gathered her personal belongings from her parents ' home . I helped her with the larger things , but Alex wanted to load her personal things herself . While Alex loaded her personal belongings into my pick - up truck , Mrs . Boyd and I sat sipping coffee at her . . . Read On The Neighbor 's Daughter : Epilogue The weeks following the return from their Hawaiian honeymoon were busy ones for Jim and Alex . Their nights were filled with loving sex , but the days were , at times , hectic . Alex 's college classes were scheduled to start in just two weeks and she still needed to complete the admissions process . Following that , they paid a visit to the university . . . Read On Jade was a beautiful young lady who lived on the outskirts of London , England . At nineteen years of age , she stood five feet seven inches tall and weighed approximately eight stone , or one hundred and twelve pounds . Her slender body and long legs made her look taller than she actually was , especially when she wore heels . Her long shapely legs added to the allure of Jade 's tempting looks . . . . Read On Karma Has Its Way : Part III Ron and Seema had dinner that evening at the American consulate . Over dinner , their conversation covered many of Seema 's new duties as Ron 's Personal Assistant . The pay he offered was more than generous . She would have private quarters in Ron 's home to which she would have the only key . The American Ambassador to India joined them as desert was served . . . . Read On I was twenty - eight or so when I met Melanie Brown . I had been visiting a family member on the north side of Phoenix , Arizona when I spotted her and her little brother watching me . I was driving a small , open air , tiller steered car that was used in local parades . Though it was a modern piece , the car resembled an antique from the late nineteeth century . I had made some repairs to the car and . . . Read On It was a little before nine when Sally knocked on Billy 's door . He had been up for a little more than two hours and was happy to see his girlfriend . " Sally , I am so glad you came over this morning . I am looking forward to spending the day with you . I have just finished my homework . Are you done with yours ? " " Yes , Billy . I did my homework as soon as I got up this morning . Now , if you . . . Read On When Sally got home from her first date with Billy , she headed straight to the bathroom . She took a long hot bubble bath . Her freshly deflowered pussy was quite sore , and she thought a bath would help . She also wanted to remove the aroma of sex she knew would be all over her body . After washing herself , Sally blissfully soaked in the hot water and day - dreamed about her new boyfriend and lover . . . . Read On I was four - years - old when the neighbors had a baby . I only vaguely remember them bringing her home for the first time . They had named their baby girl Sally . I remember being taken by my parents to the neighbor 's house to meet Sally . Her mom called my mom on the phone and asked us to come see their new baby . I remember lagging behind my mom as we went in their door . Sally 's mother called out . . . Read On It had been several months since Henry had been asked to introduce some of his neighbors ' teenaged daughters to the world of sex . The girls and their mothers had wanted , no they had almost insisted , Henry at over fifty years of age take the girl 's virginity and show them how wonderful sex could be . The mothers were afraid their sixteen - year - old daughters would end up getting screwed . . . Read On I was working as a Security Officer at a large warehouse complex . It was late one summer night when my routine was disrupted . It had been an unusually slow night . Normally , we had several trucks come and go during the night . They would drop an empty trailer in the lot and pick up a trailer that had been loaded the previous day by the warehouse personnel . Or , they would simply stay in the lot . . . Read On Diapers was a girl I dated fairly often back in the eighties . She was a cute and sweet young gal that always seemed happy and on the verge of giggling . She was in her early twenties and had a one - year - old son . Diapers lived with her parents who helped her care for her baby . She carried around a few extra pounds and , though not overly fat , she was nicely rounded . Like most heavier girls , she . . . Read On Kissy Kat was the CB handle of a lovely young lady I dated back in the hay - day of CB radios . We dated frequently , maybe too frequently . She was twenty - years old , and as cute as they come . She was 5 ' 2 " tall and slightly plump . Her extra weight contributed to her wonderfully oversized tits , tits that I loved playing with . She had shoulder - length blonde hair that was silky to the touch and . . . Read On My name is Joe . In my mid - twenties , I was introduced to a young lady named Debbie by a mutual friend . Debbie was an interesting encounter . The friend that introduced us worked with Debbie . I knew the friend from our activities on the CB radio . Our friend seemed to take delight in torturing us by delaying the actual meeting for weeks . When I finally did meet Debbie , I was . . . Read On Sandy was a beautiful , 32 - year - old , real - estate agent in Atlanta , Georgia . She was about 5 ' 6 " tall , and weighed approximately 125 pounds . She had deep blue eyes , golden blonde hair , and an infectious smile . Her beauty and friendly manner had helped in making Sandy a very successful real - estate agent . Though she had inherited a great deal of money from her family , Sandy also worked very hard . . . . Read On
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When my husband cheated on me , I had no idea I would be dealing with the emotional wreckage for so long . This blog is a heads up to others dealing with the trauma of infidelity . Brutal . After an affair , your life doesn 't belong to you anymore . For over a year , I couldn 't control my own thoughts . The turmoil in my head was viciously repetitive but savagely random . With this blog , I began to exorcise the demons holding my head hostage . A Year After the Affair began as a cathartic virtual diary of sorts . I needed an out of the box idea to move myself forward out of the bleak reality I had lived in since DDay . When I registered for this blog on E - Blogger , it was called BlogSpot then , there was no thought given to what my story might do to / for others that had been touched / brutalized by an affair . It was all about me and maybe a little about Jaymie . At first , I did think maybe I could use this as a tool to further embarrass Jaymie . Thanks to the Gods of Cyber Space , soon after I hit publish on my first post , I found the Healing Heart . The members on this support site , that I recommend very highly , schooled me pronto about staying away from the other woman . Still for the first few months , I had all of our last names right up in front for the world to view . I even added a couple of nice pics of the three of us . One of Richard and I celebrating his 60th birthday at Pebble Beach just nine short months after DDay , arms around each other looking as happy as newlyweds and Jaymie 's Google + mug shot . Shared both with anyone who found their way to my homepage . No doubt when I began the blog , I was still residing in Crazy Town and I was frantically looking for a way out . It was over a year after DDay and even though there were many days that I felt nearly normal , there were more that felt like I was living a cowardly life , too afraid to admit my marriage was a facade . We would not be able to survive Richard 's infidelity . I hoped by beginning to write , I would find a way to reveal the truth of what my future would be and how in the hell I 'd ever get there without ending up in a straight jacket . This is my 100th post . I am very proud of how far I 've come since the first day I began to write , 12 / 01 / 11 . I 'm still very selfish about it . I write mostly for me . I still need to get to the end of my Crazy Town adventure because that 's how I have learned to let it go . Type it , read it , briefly revisit the pain then exhale . . . . . Ahhhhh . . . . bye , bye unmerciful memory . Inhale and breathe in what brings me joy today . There is so much . I am very blessed . I am extremely grateful . A blessing I never forget to count is you . You have changed much of the direction of this blog . You gave me an additional constructive reason to write . If the blog had remained just a negative narrative or a tragic tale of my old news , I do not believe I would have been able to walk this far on my Road to Happy . For me to continue to rejuvenate my happiness , this can 't be all about me . I want this blog to be more than a record of my time in Crazy Town . I want it to be a place of recovery , a place for those of you that are struggling to find the strength to repair your damaged life . The fact is . . . I NEED you people ! Many of you thank me for aiding in your recovery , but you always return the favor ten fold . You are my new drug of choice . Jaymie is out , my readers are in . I guess it 's like switching from a crack pipe to a treadmill . Both can be addictive but obviously one is the better choice if you wanna live a happy life . Is that a shitty metaphor ? Yeah . . . probably . But , even after 100 posts , my writing will never win any literary awards . You 're not gonna get Hemingway here , but you 'll always get straight shooting . I tell you exactly what I think . I pull very few punches . Each of us is in a different phase of recovery . No two people find their way out of Crazy Town the same way . However , I have noticed that many of you use my story for a bit of a vicarious thrill . You 're too smart to lash out at your spouse 's affair partner , so reading about my antics brings you a small measure of not - so - guilty pleasure . Am I right ? It 's OK to admit that . You 'd have to be true saint to never wish ill will for the affair partner . Hell , you 're a Mother Teresa clone if you never imagined them boiled in oil or flattened by a steam roller . If reading about my feeble attempts at payback bring you some tiny amount of titillation , feel that shiver of possibility then remember I have proven beyond any doubt , it ain 't worth it . Here 's what we can do : If you wanna let it all out , declare your rage with the other woman / man , do it here . Write them a letter , say all you need to right here . Write it , post it or delete it . It worked for me . Maybe it can help some of you , too . Tell them exactly what you need them to know . Get it out of your broken heart and off your chest . I 'll start . My letter to Jaymie today will be much different that it would have been 100 posts ago . Here 's what I would write to Jaymie today : Jaymie , I 'm sorry . I 'm sorry that I wasted nearly a year of my life focusing on you . I 'm sorry that I wasn 't strong enough after finding out about your affair with my husband to put my pain on him . I 'm sorry that I didn 't know how to handle so much grief . I 'm sorry that you had a front row seat to witness my pathetic attempts to repair my shattered heart . I 'm sorry that I was so confused and damaged that I actually thought you might help me heal . I 'm sorry I let my shock and anguish blind me to the uselessness of your existence in my life . I 'm stronger now . I 'm smarter now . I 'm so much healthier and happier now . Richard and I love each other more everyday and I am grateful I gave him the chance to prove to me he is truly sorry for the mistakes he made with you . Life is good . I 'm done with you . But , I 'll share this bit of advice . . . . watch your back . The karma bus could be right around the next corner and you know you 're due for a ride . Your turn . If you think it might bring you any relief at all , start typing ! Writing can be such a powerful healing tool . I can surely vouch for that . You don 't really need to write 100 posts to find your path on the Road to Happy . Sometimes one good rant will start your journey . Glad you wrote about the karma thing . I never use " karma " ever . The reason is : If I tell someone that , then that means , to me , what the hell did I do to deserve this ? Then I must have done some bad shit to be in a situation to tell someone else , Karma 's a bitch . So , what do you think you did to deserve this karma ? I liked your letter to jaymie . But in your defense she should have known better . Especially given her Christian background . Also you were a bit hard on yourself . You understood that if you took out your pain on Richard your relationship would not have survived . Good luckPS I hope that Karma does come back to haunt Jaymie . I hope that one day her husband steps out on her with a younger woman . And I hope that you are able to hear about it . . . and giggle . October 17 , 2013 at 9 : 09 PM You tried but you didn 't succeed . Its pretty obvious you were putting on a show for this man that was from another world . You come from the gutter , but you haven 't really pulled yourself up from it . No , you can 't have my lifestyle or try to bring up my children , they now laugh at your tattoos , cheap clothes , silly hair and trying to look 20 when your passed middle age . My husband thought you were up for it ( which you were ) but he felt disgusted when he left your hovel of a flat . He hated your arse and your short legs , he felt your vagina was too loose , he couldn 't stand the amount of fake tan and the smell it gave off . He didn 't mind that you were thick and uneducated as he wasn 't bothered about the conversation and it made his bullshit more believable . He hated your stories about how many men fancied you , only because it made him feel so silly as he thought to himself , what fool could fancy this , but I must be a fool for shagging it . He really used you , but I think you used him too . Cheaper than those batteries . ( Sorry this is so long ! It does feel good to write : ) Here is what I would say : It is now about 2 - 1 / 2 years since you were last involved with our family . It truly took me a full 2 years to feel safe and sane in my own life again , but I am OK now . We are all actually OK now . I am never going to forgive you , pity you , or try to understand you in any way . I don 't owe you anything , and if I want to " blame " you for all eternity , I will . You were a stranger who came into our family and stole money , attention , time , and energy that belonged to my children . You never gave any thought to what was in their best interest , and during the time you were pretending their dad , my husband , was your " boyfriend " , our kids did truly suffer . Our family was in danger of almost falling apart completely . Because of your lack of concern for my kids , I will never forgive you . Though I will always truly despise you , I have learned how to move that emotion to a far place in my heart and mind . You aren 't something I really think about much anymore , and I am certain that time will make you even more of a nothing to all of us . I have found that I no longer need to speak of you or learn more about you . For what it 's worth , my husband and I did not have a strong marriage before and during the time you were involved in our family . That does not mean what happened was OK , reasonable , justified or expected . It just means we did not have a strong relationship at that time of our lives . ( We do now . ) Sometimes , when people are together for years and years , those times happen . You will never know or understand that because even though you are nearing 50 , you have not had an actual long term relationship in your life . A few days ago , I forgot your name . Sure , it came back to me after about 20 seconds , but for those 20 seconds , I realized I have given you so little thought lately that I actually forgot your name . You are becoming less and less . I have never spoken to you , and I have no desire to . About a year ago , my husband and I were talking , and he told October 18 , 2013 at 2 : 26 PM Anonymous # 1 : I do believe in Karma . Those were not just words . I don 't think I did anything to DESERVE this . No one . . . absolutely NO ONE deserves this kind of pain , but I gotta admit . . . it taught me a whole lot . I think that 's what Karma means to me . Karma is the way the world teaches us lessons we need to learn . I needed to learn my marriage was not as perfect as I thought it was . It needed work . The affair was my kick in the ass , my wake up call . Could I have learned that lesson in a much easier way ? You bet , but Richard also needed a Karma kick in the ass . He was subject to a whole shit ton of Crazy Town for over a year . He learned selfish actions have consequences . See how it works ? ? Asses kicked . Lessons learned . . . Karma . I figure Jaymie may have already been hit by the Karma bus . . . that bus was named Shawn , but I hope she gets backed over again . ; - ) Hope & Hugs , Shawn Anonymous # 2 : Thanks for the vote of confidence . I don 't think I 'm hard on myself . I 'm just really honest with myself . I know my behavior after DDay made everything harder . I was my own worst enemy . I can admit that now . Jaymie 's husband cheating on her ? That would be pure golden Karma ! ! I like the way you think ! But , truly , I don 't wish the pain of infidelity on anyone , so maybe she could just get hit by a bus or have to live in her car for a year or so ? ? Naughty thoughts ! Sorry ! Hope & Hugs , Shawn Wonderful post Shawn ! I 'm nearing my 2nd year into this drama . I 'm nowhere near your perspective but I am so glad to read and learn from yours . you 're right . . . dwelling on the OW is a waste of our time . They aren 't worth it ! Thanks as always , lady ! October 19 , 2013 at 4 : 54 PM Dear OW , I don 't wish bad karma on you . I barely even think about you anymore to even put the energy into such a thought . If anything I want to thank you . Thank you for being the window I needed to see into his secret life . If it wasn 't for someone willing to give him an opportunity to show me who he really is , where would I be right now ? So thank you . I am a smart woman . I will not stay with a man who cheated on me TWICE with two different women ! Once was enough . I don 't care if he begged & cried to stay . My self esteem is not that low that I am willing to put up with that . I will not come home from work everyday wondering if I should be where I am . I deserve more . And I have some years left to celebrate life never wondering what if . So thank you OW for helping me see who he was sooner than later . If it wasn 't you , it could 've been who knows who else . I wish you well . I love that some people are posting their letters in the comments . This is the best blog ever about recovering from infidelity ( I subscribe to a few ) . I absolutely love the unvarnished truth ! I just had to sit back to count . It 's been 3 . 5 years since Dday for me . Everything is over in my case . No more crazy OW showing up drunk on my doorstep with her baby that was the result of the affair . No more lies from a man who continued to seek out the OW in the months and years after Dday . I 've ousted that insanity from my life as best I can . I 'm so glad you mentioned Karma , Shawn . My ex is still in major court battles with the OW over custody - - the battles have been raging for over two years now . I know this because I still talk with my ex almost every day due to the fact that we were / are business partners and the one thing left between us is that . The OW has done such a tremendously good job of kicking his ass it feels as if all I have to do is sit back and watch Karma playout like a football game on TV . At this point , I actually feel sadness for their child . I can 't imagine this woman ever doing the right thing , for the good of her child . She holds him like a pawn . That is the dark side of karma . No child should have to endure that . I see my ex 's pain over it yet all I can think is that he deserves it . But not the child . The child does not deserve it . I think all OWs will at some point experience infidelity from their spouse . As my brother put it men are dogs , and most men will take the opportunity to cheat if it is thrown at them . A man of high net worth and good looks is often a target for unscrupulous young women looking for a free ride , without having to pay any dues to help the man earn his good income . These type of women come on strong . My brother insists that a majority of married men cheat , at least once , but don 't get caught . As for Karma , I agree with Shawn , it is not necessarily a payback for negative behavior , although it can be . It is just as often a way for the universe to teach us a lesson we need to learn . Mine was that I needed to take my husband off that lofty pedestal I had installed him on . Also , another lesson was to never fully trust anyone so innocently , and ever again give a man so much freedom to go out with the boys or on men 's trips . My brother warned me about that , too . But , I did not listen . The freedom to engage in such activities makes it far too easy for a man to hide his cheating . I have many lady friends who never allowed their husbands such freedoms and warned me not to allow mine to have them . I scoffed but now know I was stupid to do so . I did not listen . I trusted too innocently . Also , It 's my understanding that the person who initiates a hurtful action is the one who will later suffer punitive karma as a pay back not the one who was hurt . So , even if a betrayed spouse were to make the other women 's life miserable for a time , the betrayed spouse will not suffer punitive Karma because she was simply protecting herself , not being pointlessly cruel . I do believe that Jaymie will end up married to a man who cheats on her one day . He may or may not get caught , but if she catches him , perhaps then she will call Shawn and apologize . Jaymie is very young , and despite her youth she is no where near as attractive as Shawn . Richard , really , affaired down . So sad Jaymie had an open leg policy . I seriously doubt that Jaymie will be as attHope Shawn , I 've been following your blog for the last several months now and am happy that you shared your experiences with the world . I 've been in a similar situation and can understand the healing power of releasing everything " on paper " because it allows oneself to say everything openly and thoroughly . You were put in a very unfortunate situation , and I 'm glad that you 've found your road back to happiness . Not everyone can say that after experiencing what you went through . Although you recognize some mistakes you may have made along the way , you had every right to feel angry , hurt , jealous , betrayed , etc … . and those emotions can definitely lead people to do crazy things ! ! I will , however , note that you still seem to ( understandably ) show a lot of resentment toward Jaymie , even in your closing letter to her . Once again , the focus was on her …… regardless of what you were saying in it . However , I also can see that you recognize deep down that your real beef was with Richard . It 's important to remember that Jaymie was in her early 20 's , practically still a child ( albeit one who your husband obviously found attractive and intelligent ) while it was your husband who was the real grown - up that broke a vow to you . I hope that Jaymie learns NEVER to do this with another married man in the future because she certainly wasn 't showing the makings of a quality person , but my real hope ( for your sake ) is that Richard didn 't just change his ways simply because he got caught with his last affair partner . Yes , people do often hurt the ones they love , but it 's obvious in this situation , and in all of the ones that came before the affair with Jaymie , that Richard loved himself the most . Lets just call a spade a spade . I 'm praying for your sake that he continues putting you and your marriage first , and that all of these things happened so that he could be the one who went through the biggest transformation of all . I just hate that you were the one that had to suffer the most from it . Best of luck to you boOctober 21 , 2013 at 9 : 40 PM Hope : Thanks for praying for me . We can all use a little more of that and I appreciate it . I do want to point out one issue with your comment : You might read resentment into my letter , but the intent was to express regret . The letter was TO Jaymie , but written about how I feel about myself , not her . I did add the little quip about karma , but mostly for a giggle . Jaymie has no hold on me anymore . Any residual issues I have today are with Richard and my own crazy self . It ain 't easy looking back at how broken I was , but I try to focus on the fact that I have done a pretty decent job of fixing myself . Not quite done , may never be done , but I 'm diligent and determined . So . . . not to worry ! Jaymie no longer plagues me , but I sure don 't care if karma eventually bites her in the butt either . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Susan Rubinsky : Why the kid ? Why does he have to deal with all the drama ? Selfish adults , that 's why . That is the karma twist I deplore . Others need to learn a lesson and loved ones get caught in the middle . Your WH 's karma lesson may harm his child . Brutal . So sorry for the child . Hope you are on a smooth and steady path on your Road to Happy . Hope & Hugs . Shawn The early 20s is not a child . Sorry . It so sad that society has provided an excuse for young adults to engage in negative behaviors by infantilizing them . October 22 , 2013 at 10 : 41 AM I agree with Hope . Early 20 's is very young . I still had a ton to learn at that age . I was still in college . I 'm sure Jaymie learned her lesson and will never fall for anyone married again . Let 's hope Richard has learned his lesson as well . October 27 , 2013 at 12 : 05 AM Karen Dunstan : There 's young and then there 's selfish and ignorant . 24 ain 't that young ! I had been married for 2 years at 24 . Jaymie knew being with Richard was wrong . 15 year old girls in high school beat the crap out of each other fighting over boyfriends ! ALL girls know you do not mess with a man that is otherwise attached . . . period . It ain 't rocket science . That said . . . Richard knew how to play her . No doubt . I do think he learned his lesson , but my eyes will forever be wide open . Hope & hugs , Shawn Agreeing with Shawn & BS . Early twenties may seem young , but it is certainly old enough to know better . Congrats on your 100th post ! Of all the blogs I 've read during this difficult , life - changing year , yours is the one that has helped me the most . I can 't say I got a vicarious thrill , reading about the stuff you did . . . I always feel such a mixture of things when I read your story . Empathy , pain , anger , but also , a kind of release . . . and often , you make me laugh in the midst of it all . I value the hell out of that , since laughter was in such short supply until recently . I notice I 'm laughing more again . No doubt , months of being on Zoloft and good counseling has helped with that . . . but so have you and this community of wounded - but - healing warriors . While I did very little in the way of lashing out at the OW , it wasn 't because I didn 't want to - it was more about her being the bunny boiler type and instinctively I knew that any exchange of energy would only feed her and make the problem worse . In the very beginning I said enough to scare her away , I think . . . she thought I was the passive type and I let her know she was sorely mistaken . She cares greatly about her reputation and I think she realized that a menacing / harassment / stalking charge and restraining order would not be a good thing for her . There have been many times I needed a reminder that what I must do is let the bitch whore go . . . and you have been instrumental in keeping my " angry self " in line . So once again , thank you Shawn . Your courage and honesty have been an immeasurable gift . October 30 , 2013 at 6 : 14 AM Has nothing to do with rocket science but seems more of you NOT putting more blame on richard as you should . I think of my 24 year old niece & how young she is in her looks , her thinking , her smarts and everything . . . . yes a 20 something year old should know better , not from school yard fights , more from common sense . . . however 60 year old man should know 10 times better than she . You really needs to stop focusing on her & by not focusing on her , I mean stop insulting her by name calling & all the other things you do . Take your own advice & let her go . She doesn 't have to be a bitch or a whore . It makes you look immature & bitter and you are better than that . Why don 't you ever call richard a dirty old pervert instead of calling jaymie a bitch whore . It seems more appropriate . KDunstan : There is plenty of blame to go around ! Richard holds the largest basket of blame to be sure . I lay the all the blame for his choices right at his feet and the stinking pile is as high as his ears . If it makes you feel better . . . Richard WAS a scum sucking , low life dirty rotten baby banging shit - head ! He was a lying , narcissistic pig of a man ! OR . . . maybe your looking for something like . . . Richard IS and always will be a selfish , philandering ass wipe with the morals of a penis flashing , sexual deviant ! If that 's what you wanna hear , I 'm not gonna be able to deliver . Richard WAS a cheating bastard , but now he 's not so I guess I don 't call him as many names as I do Jaymie because he has worked his cheating ass off to make amends . Maybe you don 't get it because my writing style , actually . . . my personality style , can be very sarcastic , cynical and irreverent . A favorite saying of mine is , " I know I 'm not everyone 's cup of tea . Doesn 't matter because I rather be someone 's shot of tequila anyway ! " I call Jaymie names because it 's easy and who does it hurt ? ? I do not give a feathery , bird 's butt about Jaymie so if I get a little giddy about calling her a ditzy , needy , dip shit , I 'm going to continue to take the liberty . Doesn 't make me immature . Doesn 't make me bitter . It makes me a recovering betrayed spouse with a cathartic soap box . Sorry if I disappoint you , but I like my blog just as it is . I like my life with my ex - cheating fuck - tard of a husband now , too . I love the filthy old , perv ! LOL ! Oh , crap ! Maybe I am a little immature ! Hope & Hugs , Shawn KateM : Laughter can surprise us after DDay . When we find joy in simple things again we can be sure we have made substantial progress walking our Road back to Happy . This blog is all about release . I put it out there and walk on down my Road . If it helps others walk on , too . . . that is such a HUGE bonus ! You knew to let the bitch - whore go right away ! Good for you , Sister ! It ain 't easy to keep the " angry - self " contained . You must be one very tough cookie . Thanks for your kind words . They mean a lot . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Karen Dunstan : Are you a betrayed wife ? It doesn 't sound that way . Perhaps you are the mom of a 20 year old girl who had an affair with a married man ? ? ? ? ? ? If I am wrong , I apologize , but that is what you sound like . I was a 20 year old girl once When , my married college Profs came on to me . I laughed at them . When my summer job married bosses flirted I laughed at them too . But , there were plenty of slutty women my age who targeted older married men . They tried to talk me into doing it too . I had to much intelligence , pride and self esteem to get involved with a married , mid - life crisis male . Those women knew exactly what they were doing . They liked the perks of dating an older married man . They were whores and worse prostitutes because they wanted money and knew and older man in a long time marriage was vulnerable and would spend money on them . Unless a 20 years old has a low IQ , she knows going after a married man is wrong . If your daughter went after a married man , making excuses for her will only enable her to do it again . Jaymie likely will never learn her lesson . She went after Richard for the perks . The perk was money she willing asked for and took to pay her bills . Jaymie is a whore , and a prostitute because she wanted money . By age 20 , a girl knows what a whore and a prostitute is and they don 't behave like one . Unless of course they actually are a whore and a prostitute . BTW : if you were a Betrayed spouse you would already know we have all called our spouses similar names and worse . The difference between Richard and my spouse and likely all the husband 's of the betrayed spouses here is that they were not prostitutes , because they were spending the money on the whore women who enjoyed having money spent on them . The men were not taking money . The outsider pushed for the affair , I saw the texts and emails . She was a shameless slut , hussy and money grubber . My husband laughs at her now , too . He can 't believe he fell for her ego strokes . He says when He sees her , now , he wants to puke . A mid life crisis is a November 4 , 2013 at 8 : 12 AM BS : As much as I appreciate you landing on my side of this discussion , I gotta do a little fact check here . Richard chased Jaymie like a hungry snake chases a mouse for dinner . He wined her and dined her to get her to drop her drawers . He told her everything he knew she needed to hear while handing out Benjamins . $ $ $ She ate it up . No way the affair was her idea . I think she may really have been in love with him . She is very needy and has next to no self esteem . Goes from guy to guy , never on her own for long . She was easy pickings . So . . . Richard owns the lion 's share of the blame but I still say any reasonable girl knows better than to fall for a married man . Any girl that knowingly gives it up to a man that is already in a relationship is a nothing more than a selfish piece of skanky trash . Your situation is far different from mine . Jaymie only tried begging Richard to leave me once . After he bailed on her like a bad investment , she got the message pretty quickly . I 'm the one that continued to drag her sorry ass back into our lives . That makes me nearly as simple minded as Jaymie ! ! YIKES ! I 've learned a lot . Hope she did , too . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Hi Shawn : I hear ya ' . Well , no one can say you let Richard off easy or made excuses for him . Not after reading your post to me . " A hungry snake . " What a great descriptive word picture . : ) I am glad Jaymie back off , when Richard dropped her like yesterday 's news . I am sorry you are here , anyway . I am sorry we are both here . It sucks to know our spouses cheated . No matter who is to blame . November 5 , 2013 at 9 : 21 AM Oh Shawn , I just found your blog and you give me hope , so much hope . For now I will tell you that my DD was on July 22 , 2012 . I will write more one day , but for now I must put on my happy face , go pick - up my kids from school and take them to swim practice . Thank you for your blog and thank you for giving me hope . xx L xxL : I 'm glad you found us . Sorry you had to look for us . Hope is what healing is all about . You gotta hang on to it . Hope for a better marriage . Hope for letting go of the pain . Hope for healing . Now . . . along with the hope , there 's a shit ton of work ! ! You gotta want it bad to fix what was so horribly broken . I 'm proof that you can be nearly beyond repair and find a way to walk the Road to Happy . We can have a stronger marriage after DDay . Walk with us . The path is easier when you travel with friends . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Shawn , I am really grateful I have found your blog . I am only 4 weeks post DDay , my spouse is a touring musician . I caught him 2 years ago with some inappropriate emails and I forgave him . 4 weeks ago I found out he was having an affair with his gym buddy , I refer to her as the gym rat . we live in a very small town , he brought her into our home , around our children . . . needless to say I am heartbroken and oh so angry . the entire friend circle knows and I feel like a fool . we started counseling and it is now known he has been cheating from the start of our relationship . . . quoted " sex addict " , my pastor suggested I read your blog and I am so thankful I found it . it has kept me from marching into the gym and smacking the shit out of the gym rat . . . im on the edge of crazy town and your blog saves me everyday from entering . thank you for your story , your honesty and bravery for putting it all out there . I 'm not ready to write my letter , but I just wanted you to know you have helped me . angry in az Angry in AZ : I can feel your pain through the screen ! I am so sorry you are suffering . I can only tell you , it will get easier , just not for a very long time . Healing after DDay is hard work . You have to heal yourself before you can begin to heal your marriage , if that is what you hope to do . It is so positive for you both to be in marriage counseling . Even better that you have individual counseling . You say your pastor suggested you read my blog ? ? Whoa . With all the " F " bombs I throw around , I gotta say that is surprising ! However , he is right to have you seek out others that understand your struggle . Please go to the Healing Heart online message boards . The link is on the bottom of my blog under " support & compassion found here " . The members there saved me from myself . I don 't know if Richard and I would still be together without their kind words and willingness to share their experiences . You 're already smarter than I was . You are keeping the OW out of your life ! Good for you ! Wrap yourself in the comfort of friends and be kind to yourself . if I have helped you , I am grateful for that . I care very much about my readers . I know we need each other . When we walk the Road back to Happy together , the journey is at least a little easier . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Hey Shawn , thank you for your blog . I just wanted to comment , that the ow in our case is in her mid 40s and is a mother and wife . However , when reading her texts to my husband last summer upon dday . . . i finally took an opportunity to grab his unlocked cell . . . it was as if I had been transported back to Jr high ! One would have sworn she was a 14 year old girl ! She assimilated herself to movie characters and brought up private jokes , just like a teenager . So age and maturity level are 2 entirely different things . Obviously , she knew what she was doing was wrong . She said " it was forbidden " in her texts to my husband . Apparently she is still a child , incapable of thinking about anyone else but her self . She went after my husband , who is 15 years younger than her , because , and I quote " I had a crush on him " . So much for age in years meaning anything . Btw my husband is doing everything he can to rebuild our marriage and even left his job to get away from the ow . So only in his 20s but leaps and bounds in front of her middle aged self . I identify a lot with you so much Shawn . thanks again . Jen Jen : OWs come in all shapes , sizes , ages and attitudes . The one thing they all have in common is a very weak moral compass ! The drivel written between Richard and Jaymie used to melt my heart . I took it as gospel while in Crazy Town . It took me a long time and many words of reassurance from Richard to recognize the bullshit for what it really was . . . . a means to an end . Live the lie with vigor and deep passion and it doesn 't feel so much like a lie anymore . Richard convinced himself that it was real love so he wouldn 't feel so guilty about getting laid . I think maybe even Jaymie had an agenda , too . She NEEDED attention . She craved approval . She didn 't hate the cash and other goodies either ! So glad to hear your WH is working to heal your marriage . As you walk your Road to Happy , we will be here if you need a map ! Hope & Hugs , Shawn Hi Shawn , I have just found your blog a week ago and it has given me a lot of incite , so thank you . my nightmare started 27th December 2014 , I am 18 months into this hell . A week ago I had a melt down , I was on my own in the house wallowing in misery and thought maybe if I read my diary I 've kept since this started I could work out what still hurts , what I have recovered from etc . To my disbelief I still feel the same on many issues and no more forward than I was 18 months ago . I found a letter I wrote but never sent it to the spineless online whore who wreaked havoc in my family . " It " was a fake , an online whore who reeled people into believing she was gods gift and my husband lapped it up along with several other men . I call it " it " because I am unsure whether it was a man or woman . A romance scammer who didn 't get a penny out of my husband thank god . I had great pleasure showing my husband what a fake " it " was , how a website called tineye retrieves where a picture originates , what " it " was saying to other men whilst " it " was supposedly in love with my h , I exposed " it " within a day and I am no social media expert ! Back to the point I am writing . The letter was so deeply wrote that it made me crazy , I had forgotten all about it but I still feel those things . My h disgusting childish behaviour still makes me boil with rage so much so that in my crazy moment I completely flipped , I tore up all my diary entries and the letter and chucked them all over the bedroom , I then went into the wardrobe grabbed our wedding memory box ( this affair started days before our anniversary ) and threw everything everywhere then for good measure I threw all his clothes out of the wardrobe . I believe in karma but I will never see that karma because the whore disappeared well before I found it all and that is what infuriates me I think . " It " can play sick games online anonymously and disappear without a trace . No consequences no nothing ! ! It 's not fair these people have that power and I just can 't shake that anger associated with it . So sJuly 8 , 2016 at 3 : 55 AM ( ( ( J ) ) ) : I don 't think any of us ever get " Over " this . We get " Through " this . You gotta go through it . You can 't go around it or over it . Through it takes a long time , longer for some , but you will get through it . You seem to know leaving " IT " alone is the right move . Good for you . She can not help you . She means nothing to your recovery . There are easier Roads to Happy than others . My Road began when I found the compassionate , supportive members of the Healing Heart message board . Please go to the site and join the group . You can ask anything , tell your story , rant and vent or just read and learn . The link is at the bottom of my blog . You do not have to struggle alone . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Melissa , I have spent way too much of my time and energy hating you , wishing Karma would hurry up and kick your ass . I thought I needed to watch you be punished to make myself whole again . Turns out I don 't . I need to let go of the control I have given you over my life . Don 't get me wrong , if you ever try to approach me or my family I will scream " cheating whore " at you , but I will not allow you in my thoughts and dreams anymore . I will be free of you . I am done . Shannon I started writing this blog in 12 / 11 , a little over a year past DDay . The posts are mostly chronological , beginning at the point of inital impact . I have strayed from that pattern as issues come up , but for the most part this is a story . The story of a betrayed spouse . DDay was the harsh beginning . The rest of the story is the journey , searching for my Road to Happy . Please join us . Comment , anonymously if necessary , share your stories , ask questions or just let it all out with a good rant ! Feel free to email me privately from my profile page . I wanna hear from you . I wanna learn from you . I wanna heal with you . Blogger : User Profile : shawn , the wifeLet 's beat down the beast of betrayal together . shawn , the wife Started this blog a year after I found out my husband of 30 years had an affair with a 24 year old co - ed named Jaymie . The first year after DDay was hell . Desperate to get my life back on track , I decided to tell my story . I use a little humor , too much sarcasm and a truck load of truth . Sharing the sordid details of my husband 's betrayal and my insane behavior that followed , is cleansing my soul , but I still have a long way to go . . . my soul was freakin ' filthy ! Hope & Hugs ! Had my face - off with Jaymie . Felt vindicated . Sort of . MY MAN told her she meant nothing to him . Sort of . I told her , she was a pathe . . .
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When my husband cheated on me , I had no idea I would be dealing with the emotional wreckage for so long . This blog is a heads up to others dealing with the trauma of infidelity . Brutal . After an affair , your life doesn 't belong to you anymore . For over a year , I couldn 't control my own thoughts . The turmoil in my head was viciously repetitive but savagely random . With this blog , I began to exorcise the demons holding my head hostage . A Year After the Affair began as a cathartic virtual diary of sorts . I needed an out of the box idea to move myself forward out of the bleak reality I had lived in since DDay . When I registered for this blog on E - Blogger , it was called BlogSpot then , there was no thought given to what my story might do to / for others that had been touched / brutalized by an affair . It was all about me and maybe a little about Jaymie . At first , I did think maybe I could use this as a tool to further embarrass Jaymie . Thanks to the Gods of Cyber Space , soon after I hit publish on my first post , I found the Healing Heart . The members on this support site , that I recommend very highly , schooled me pronto about staying away from the other woman . Still for the first few months , I had all of our last names right up in front for the world to view . I even added a couple of nice pics of the three of us . One of Richard and I celebrating his 60th birthday at Pebble Beach just nine short months after DDay , arms around each other looking as happy as newlyweds and Jaymie 's Google + mug shot . Shared both with anyone who found their way to my homepage . No doubt when I began the blog , I was still residing in Crazy Town and I was frantically looking for a way out . It was over a year after DDay and even though there were many days that I felt nearly normal , there were more that felt like I was living a cowardly life , too afraid to admit my marriage was a facade . We would not be able to survive Richard 's infidelity . I hoped by beginning to write , I would find a way to reveal the truth of what my future would be and how in the hell I 'd ever get there without ending up in a straight jacket . This is my 100th post . I am very proud of how far I 've come since the first day I began to write , 12 / 01 / 11 . I 'm still very selfish about it . I write mostly for me . I still need to get to the end of my Crazy Town adventure because that 's how I have learned to let it go . Type it , read it , briefly revisit the pain then exhale . . . . . Ahhhhh . . . . bye , bye unmerciful memory . Inhale and breathe in what brings me joy today . There is so much . I am very blessed . I am extremely grateful . A blessing I never forget to count is you . You have changed much of the direction of this blog . You gave me an additional constructive reason to write . If the blog had remained just a negative narrative or a tragic tale of my old news , I do not believe I would have been able to walk this far on my Road to Happy . For me to continue to rejuvenate my happiness , this can 't be all about me . I want this blog to be more than a record of my time in Crazy Town . I want it to be a place of recovery , a place for those of you that are struggling to find the strength to repair your damaged life . The fact is . . . I NEED you people ! Many of you thank me for aiding in your recovery , but you always return the favor ten fold . You are my new drug of choice . Jaymie is out , my readers are in . I guess it 's like switching from a crack pipe to a treadmill . Both can be addictive but obviously one is the better choice if you wanna live a happy life . Is that a shitty metaphor ? Yeah . . . probably . But , even after 100 posts , my writing will never win any literary awards . You 're not gonna get Hemingway here , but you 'll always get straight shooting . I tell you exactly what I think . I pull very few punches . Each of us is in a different phase of recovery . No two people find their way out of Crazy Town the same way . However , I have noticed that many of you use my story for a bit of a vicarious thrill . You 're too smart to lash out at your spouse 's affair partner , so reading about my antics brings you a small measure of not - so - guilty pleasure . Am I right ? It 's OK to admit that . You 'd have to be true saint to never wish ill will for the affair partner . Hell , you 're a Mother Teresa clone if you never imagined them boiled in oil or flattened by a steam roller . If reading about my feeble attempts at payback bring you some tiny amount of titillation , feel that shiver of possibility then remember I have proven beyond any doubt , it ain 't worth it . Here 's what we can do : If you wanna let it all out , declare your rage with the other woman / man , do it here . Write them a letter , say all you need to right here . Write it , post it or delete it . It worked for me . Maybe it can help some of you , too . Tell them exactly what you need them to know . Get it out of your broken heart and off your chest . I 'll start . My letter to Jaymie today will be much different that it would have been 100 posts ago . Here 's what I would write to Jaymie today : Jaymie , I 'm sorry . I 'm sorry that I wasted nearly a year of my life focusing on you . I 'm sorry that I wasn 't strong enough after finding out about your affair with my husband to put my pain on him . I 'm sorry that I didn 't know how to handle so much grief . I 'm sorry that you had a front row seat to witness my pathetic attempts to repair my shattered heart . I 'm sorry that I was so confused and damaged that I actually thought you might help me heal . I 'm sorry I let my shock and anguish blind me to the uselessness of your existence in my life . I 'm stronger now . I 'm smarter now . I 'm so much healthier and happier now . Richard and I love each other more everyday and I am grateful I gave him the chance to prove to me he is truly sorry for the mistakes he made with you . Life is good . I 'm done with you . But , I 'll share this bit of advice . . . . watch your back . The karma bus could be right around the next corner and you know you 're due for a ride . Your turn . If you think it might bring you any relief at all , start typing ! Writing can be such a powerful healing tool . I can surely vouch for that . You don 't really need to write 100 posts to find your path on the Road to Happy . Sometimes one good rant will start your journey . Glad you wrote about the karma thing . I never use " karma " ever . The reason is : If I tell someone that , then that means , to me , what the hell did I do to deserve this ? Then I must have done some bad shit to be in a situation to tell someone else , Karma 's a bitch . So , what do you think you did to deserve this karma ? I liked your letter to jaymie . But in your defense she should have known better . Especially given her Christian background . Also you were a bit hard on yourself . You understood that if you took out your pain on Richard your relationship would not have survived . Good luckPS I hope that Karma does come back to haunt Jaymie . I hope that one day her husband steps out on her with a younger woman . And I hope that you are able to hear about it . . . and giggle . October 17 , 2013 at 9 : 09 PM You tried but you didn 't succeed . Its pretty obvious you were putting on a show for this man that was from another world . You come from the gutter , but you haven 't really pulled yourself up from it . No , you can 't have my lifestyle or try to bring up my children , they now laugh at your tattoos , cheap clothes , silly hair and trying to look 20 when your passed middle age . My husband thought you were up for it ( which you were ) but he felt disgusted when he left your hovel of a flat . He hated your arse and your short legs , he felt your vagina was too loose , he couldn 't stand the amount of fake tan and the smell it gave off . He didn 't mind that you were thick and uneducated as he wasn 't bothered about the conversation and it made his bullshit more believable . He hated your stories about how many men fancied you , only because it made him feel so silly as he thought to himself , what fool could fancy this , but I must be a fool for shagging it . He really used you , but I think you used him too . Cheaper than those batteries . ( Sorry this is so long ! It does feel good to write : ) Here is what I would say : It is now about 2 - 1 / 2 years since you were last involved with our family . It truly took me a full 2 years to feel safe and sane in my own life again , but I am OK now . We are all actually OK now . I am never going to forgive you , pity you , or try to understand you in any way . I don 't owe you anything , and if I want to " blame " you for all eternity , I will . You were a stranger who came into our family and stole money , attention , time , and energy that belonged to my children . You never gave any thought to what was in their best interest , and during the time you were pretending their dad , my husband , was your " boyfriend " , our kids did truly suffer . Our family was in danger of almost falling apart completely . Because of your lack of concern for my kids , I will never forgive you . Though I will always truly despise you , I have learned how to move that emotion to a far place in my heart and mind . You aren 't something I really think about much anymore , and I am certain that time will make you even more of a nothing to all of us . I have found that I no longer need to speak of you or learn more about you . For what it 's worth , my husband and I did not have a strong marriage before and during the time you were involved in our family . That does not mean what happened was OK , reasonable , justified or expected . It just means we did not have a strong relationship at that time of our lives . ( We do now . ) Sometimes , when people are together for years and years , those times happen . You will never know or understand that because even though you are nearing 50 , you have not had an actual long term relationship in your life . A few days ago , I forgot your name . Sure , it came back to me after about 20 seconds , but for those 20 seconds , I realized I have given you so little thought lately that I actually forgot your name . You are becoming less and less . I have never spoken to you , and I have no desire to . About a year ago , my husband and I were talking , and he told October 18 , 2013 at 2 : 26 PM Anonymous # 1 : I do believe in Karma . Those were not just words . I don 't think I did anything to DESERVE this . No one . . . absolutely NO ONE deserves this kind of pain , but I gotta admit . . . it taught me a whole lot . I think that 's what Karma means to me . Karma is the way the world teaches us lessons we need to learn . I needed to learn my marriage was not as perfect as I thought it was . It needed work . The affair was my kick in the ass , my wake up call . Could I have learned that lesson in a much easier way ? You bet , but Richard also needed a Karma kick in the ass . He was subject to a whole shit ton of Crazy Town for over a year . He learned selfish actions have consequences . See how it works ? ? Asses kicked . Lessons learned . . . Karma . I figure Jaymie may have already been hit by the Karma bus . . . that bus was named Shawn , but I hope she gets backed over again . ; - ) Hope & Hugs , Shawn Anonymous # 2 : Thanks for the vote of confidence . I don 't think I 'm hard on myself . I 'm just really honest with myself . I know my behavior after DDay made everything harder . I was my own worst enemy . I can admit that now . Jaymie 's husband cheating on her ? That would be pure golden Karma ! ! I like the way you think ! But , truly , I don 't wish the pain of infidelity on anyone , so maybe she could just get hit by a bus or have to live in her car for a year or so ? ? Naughty thoughts ! Sorry ! Hope & Hugs , Shawn Wonderful post Shawn ! I 'm nearing my 2nd year into this drama . I 'm nowhere near your perspective but I am so glad to read and learn from yours . you 're right . . . dwelling on the OW is a waste of our time . They aren 't worth it ! Thanks as always , lady ! October 19 , 2013 at 4 : 54 PM Dear OW , I don 't wish bad karma on you . I barely even think about you anymore to even put the energy into such a thought . If anything I want to thank you . Thank you for being the window I needed to see into his secret life . If it wasn 't for someone willing to give him an opportunity to show me who he really is , where would I be right now ? So thank you . I am a smart woman . I will not stay with a man who cheated on me TWICE with two different women ! Once was enough . I don 't care if he begged & cried to stay . My self esteem is not that low that I am willing to put up with that . I will not come home from work everyday wondering if I should be where I am . I deserve more . And I have some years left to celebrate life never wondering what if . So thank you OW for helping me see who he was sooner than later . If it wasn 't you , it could 've been who knows who else . I wish you well . I love that some people are posting their letters in the comments . This is the best blog ever about recovering from infidelity ( I subscribe to a few ) . I absolutely love the unvarnished truth ! I just had to sit back to count . It 's been 3 . 5 years since Dday for me . Everything is over in my case . No more crazy OW showing up drunk on my doorstep with her baby that was the result of the affair . No more lies from a man who continued to seek out the OW in the months and years after Dday . I 've ousted that insanity from my life as best I can . I 'm so glad you mentioned Karma , Shawn . My ex is still in major court battles with the OW over custody - - the battles have been raging for over two years now . I know this because I still talk with my ex almost every day due to the fact that we were / are business partners and the one thing left between us is that . The OW has done such a tremendously good job of kicking his ass it feels as if all I have to do is sit back and watch Karma playout like a football game on TV . At this point , I actually feel sadness for their child . I can 't imagine this woman ever doing the right thing , for the good of her child . She holds him like a pawn . That is the dark side of karma . No child should have to endure that . I see my ex 's pain over it yet all I can think is that he deserves it . But not the child . The child does not deserve it . I think all OWs will at some point experience infidelity from their spouse . As my brother put it men are dogs , and most men will take the opportunity to cheat if it is thrown at them . A man of high net worth and good looks is often a target for unscrupulous young women looking for a free ride , without having to pay any dues to help the man earn his good income . These type of women come on strong . My brother insists that a majority of married men cheat , at least once , but don 't get caught . As for Karma , I agree with Shawn , it is not necessarily a payback for negative behavior , although it can be . It is just as often a way for the universe to teach us a lesson we need to learn . Mine was that I needed to take my husband off that lofty pedestal I had installed him on . Also , another lesson was to never fully trust anyone so innocently , and ever again give a man so much freedom to go out with the boys or on men 's trips . My brother warned me about that , too . But , I did not listen . The freedom to engage in such activities makes it far too easy for a man to hide his cheating . I have many lady friends who never allowed their husbands such freedoms and warned me not to allow mine to have them . I scoffed but now know I was stupid to do so . I did not listen . I trusted too innocently . Also , It 's my understanding that the person who initiates a hurtful action is the one who will later suffer punitive karma as a pay back not the one who was hurt . So , even if a betrayed spouse were to make the other women 's life miserable for a time , the betrayed spouse will not suffer punitive Karma because she was simply protecting herself , not being pointlessly cruel . I do believe that Jaymie will end up married to a man who cheats on her one day . He may or may not get caught , but if she catches him , perhaps then she will call Shawn and apologize . Jaymie is very young , and despite her youth she is no where near as attractive as Shawn . Richard , really , affaired down . So sad Jaymie had an open leg policy . I seriously doubt that Jaymie will be as attHope Shawn , I 've been following your blog for the last several months now and am happy that you shared your experiences with the world . I 've been in a similar situation and can understand the healing power of releasing everything " on paper " because it allows oneself to say everything openly and thoroughly . You were put in a very unfortunate situation , and I 'm glad that you 've found your road back to happiness . Not everyone can say that after experiencing what you went through . Although you recognize some mistakes you may have made along the way , you had every right to feel angry , hurt , jealous , betrayed , etc … . and those emotions can definitely lead people to do crazy things ! ! I will , however , note that you still seem to ( understandably ) show a lot of resentment toward Jaymie , even in your closing letter to her . Once again , the focus was on her …… regardless of what you were saying in it . However , I also can see that you recognize deep down that your real beef was with Richard . It 's important to remember that Jaymie was in her early 20 's , practically still a child ( albeit one who your husband obviously found attractive and intelligent ) while it was your husband who was the real grown - up that broke a vow to you . I hope that Jaymie learns NEVER to do this with another married man in the future because she certainly wasn 't showing the makings of a quality person , but my real hope ( for your sake ) is that Richard didn 't just change his ways simply because he got caught with his last affair partner . Yes , people do often hurt the ones they love , but it 's obvious in this situation , and in all of the ones that came before the affair with Jaymie , that Richard loved himself the most . Lets just call a spade a spade . I 'm praying for your sake that he continues putting you and your marriage first , and that all of these things happened so that he could be the one who went through the biggest transformation of all . I just hate that you were the one that had to suffer the most from it . Best of luck to you boOctober 21 , 2013 at 9 : 40 PM Hope : Thanks for praying for me . We can all use a little more of that and I appreciate it . I do want to point out one issue with your comment : You might read resentment into my letter , but the intent was to express regret . The letter was TO Jaymie , but written about how I feel about myself , not her . I did add the little quip about karma , but mostly for a giggle . Jaymie has no hold on me anymore . Any residual issues I have today are with Richard and my own crazy self . It ain 't easy looking back at how broken I was , but I try to focus on the fact that I have done a pretty decent job of fixing myself . Not quite done , may never be done , but I 'm diligent and determined . So . . . not to worry ! Jaymie no longer plagues me , but I sure don 't care if karma eventually bites her in the butt either . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Susan Rubinsky : Why the kid ? Why does he have to deal with all the drama ? Selfish adults , that 's why . That is the karma twist I deplore . Others need to learn a lesson and loved ones get caught in the middle . Your WH 's karma lesson may harm his child . Brutal . So sorry for the child . Hope you are on a smooth and steady path on your Road to Happy . Hope & Hugs . Shawn The early 20s is not a child . Sorry . It so sad that society has provided an excuse for young adults to engage in negative behaviors by infantilizing them . October 22 , 2013 at 10 : 41 AM I agree with Hope . Early 20 's is very young . I still had a ton to learn at that age . I was still in college . I 'm sure Jaymie learned her lesson and will never fall for anyone married again . Let 's hope Richard has learned his lesson as well . October 27 , 2013 at 12 : 05 AM Karen Dunstan : There 's young and then there 's selfish and ignorant . 24 ain 't that young ! I had been married for 2 years at 24 . Jaymie knew being with Richard was wrong . 15 year old girls in high school beat the crap out of each other fighting over boyfriends ! ALL girls know you do not mess with a man that is otherwise attached . . . period . It ain 't rocket science . That said . . . Richard knew how to play her . No doubt . I do think he learned his lesson , but my eyes will forever be wide open . Hope & hugs , Shawn Agreeing with Shawn & BS . Early twenties may seem young , but it is certainly old enough to know better . Congrats on your 100th post ! Of all the blogs I 've read during this difficult , life - changing year , yours is the one that has helped me the most . I can 't say I got a vicarious thrill , reading about the stuff you did . . . I always feel such a mixture of things when I read your story . Empathy , pain , anger , but also , a kind of release . . . and often , you make me laugh in the midst of it all . I value the hell out of that , since laughter was in such short supply until recently . I notice I 'm laughing more again . No doubt , months of being on Zoloft and good counseling has helped with that . . . but so have you and this community of wounded - but - healing warriors . While I did very little in the way of lashing out at the OW , it wasn 't because I didn 't want to - it was more about her being the bunny boiler type and instinctively I knew that any exchange of energy would only feed her and make the problem worse . In the very beginning I said enough to scare her away , I think . . . she thought I was the passive type and I let her know she was sorely mistaken . She cares greatly about her reputation and I think she realized that a menacing / harassment / stalking charge and restraining order would not be a good thing for her . There have been many times I needed a reminder that what I must do is let the bitch whore go . . . and you have been instrumental in keeping my " angry self " in line . So once again , thank you Shawn . Your courage and honesty have been an immeasurable gift . October 30 , 2013 at 6 : 14 AM Has nothing to do with rocket science but seems more of you NOT putting more blame on richard as you should . I think of my 24 year old niece & how young she is in her looks , her thinking , her smarts and everything . . . . yes a 20 something year old should know better , not from school yard fights , more from common sense . . . however 60 year old man should know 10 times better than she . You really needs to stop focusing on her & by not focusing on her , I mean stop insulting her by name calling & all the other things you do . Take your own advice & let her go . She doesn 't have to be a bitch or a whore . It makes you look immature & bitter and you are better than that . Why don 't you ever call richard a dirty old pervert instead of calling jaymie a bitch whore . It seems more appropriate . KDunstan : There is plenty of blame to go around ! Richard holds the largest basket of blame to be sure . I lay the all the blame for his choices right at his feet and the stinking pile is as high as his ears . If it makes you feel better . . . Richard WAS a scum sucking , low life dirty rotten baby banging shit - head ! He was a lying , narcissistic pig of a man ! OR . . . maybe your looking for something like . . . Richard IS and always will be a selfish , philandering ass wipe with the morals of a penis flashing , sexual deviant ! If that 's what you wanna hear , I 'm not gonna be able to deliver . Richard WAS a cheating bastard , but now he 's not so I guess I don 't call him as many names as I do Jaymie because he has worked his cheating ass off to make amends . Maybe you don 't get it because my writing style , actually . . . my personality style , can be very sarcastic , cynical and irreverent . A favorite saying of mine is , " I know I 'm not everyone 's cup of tea . Doesn 't matter because I rather be someone 's shot of tequila anyway ! " I call Jaymie names because it 's easy and who does it hurt ? ? I do not give a feathery , bird 's butt about Jaymie so if I get a little giddy about calling her a ditzy , needy , dip shit , I 'm going to continue to take the liberty . Doesn 't make me immature . Doesn 't make me bitter . It makes me a recovering betrayed spouse with a cathartic soap box . Sorry if I disappoint you , but I like my blog just as it is . I like my life with my ex - cheating fuck - tard of a husband now , too . I love the filthy old , perv ! LOL ! Oh , crap ! Maybe I am a little immature ! Hope & Hugs , Shawn KateM : Laughter can surprise us after DDay . When we find joy in simple things again we can be sure we have made substantial progress walking our Road back to Happy . This blog is all about release . I put it out there and walk on down my Road . If it helps others walk on , too . . . that is such a HUGE bonus ! You knew to let the bitch - whore go right away ! Good for you , Sister ! It ain 't easy to keep the " angry - self " contained . You must be one very tough cookie . Thanks for your kind words . They mean a lot . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Karen Dunstan : Are you a betrayed wife ? It doesn 't sound that way . Perhaps you are the mom of a 20 year old girl who had an affair with a married man ? ? ? ? ? ? If I am wrong , I apologize , but that is what you sound like . I was a 20 year old girl once When , my married college Profs came on to me . I laughed at them . When my summer job married bosses flirted I laughed at them too . But , there were plenty of slutty women my age who targeted older married men . They tried to talk me into doing it too . I had to much intelligence , pride and self esteem to get involved with a married , mid - life crisis male . Those women knew exactly what they were doing . They liked the perks of dating an older married man . They were whores and worse prostitutes because they wanted money and knew and older man in a long time marriage was vulnerable and would spend money on them . Unless a 20 years old has a low IQ , she knows going after a married man is wrong . If your daughter went after a married man , making excuses for her will only enable her to do it again . Jaymie likely will never learn her lesson . She went after Richard for the perks . The perk was money she willing asked for and took to pay her bills . Jaymie is a whore , and a prostitute because she wanted money . By age 20 , a girl knows what a whore and a prostitute is and they don 't behave like one . Unless of course they actually are a whore and a prostitute . BTW : if you were a Betrayed spouse you would already know we have all called our spouses similar names and worse . The difference between Richard and my spouse and likely all the husband 's of the betrayed spouses here is that they were not prostitutes , because they were spending the money on the whore women who enjoyed having money spent on them . The men were not taking money . The outsider pushed for the affair , I saw the texts and emails . She was a shameless slut , hussy and money grubber . My husband laughs at her now , too . He can 't believe he fell for her ego strokes . He says when He sees her , now , he wants to puke . A mid life crisis is a November 4 , 2013 at 8 : 12 AM BS : As much as I appreciate you landing on my side of this discussion , I gotta do a little fact check here . Richard chased Jaymie like a hungry snake chases a mouse for dinner . He wined her and dined her to get her to drop her drawers . He told her everything he knew she needed to hear while handing out Benjamins . $ $ $ She ate it up . No way the affair was her idea . I think she may really have been in love with him . She is very needy and has next to no self esteem . Goes from guy to guy , never on her own for long . She was easy pickings . So . . . Richard owns the lion 's share of the blame but I still say any reasonable girl knows better than to fall for a married man . Any girl that knowingly gives it up to a man that is already in a relationship is a nothing more than a selfish piece of skanky trash . Your situation is far different from mine . Jaymie only tried begging Richard to leave me once . After he bailed on her like a bad investment , she got the message pretty quickly . I 'm the one that continued to drag her sorry ass back into our lives . That makes me nearly as simple minded as Jaymie ! ! YIKES ! I 've learned a lot . Hope she did , too . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Hi Shawn : I hear ya ' . Well , no one can say you let Richard off easy or made excuses for him . Not after reading your post to me . " A hungry snake . " What a great descriptive word picture . : ) I am glad Jaymie back off , when Richard dropped her like yesterday 's news . I am sorry you are here , anyway . I am sorry we are both here . It sucks to know our spouses cheated . No matter who is to blame . November 5 , 2013 at 9 : 21 AM Oh Shawn , I just found your blog and you give me hope , so much hope . For now I will tell you that my DD was on July 22 , 2012 . I will write more one day , but for now I must put on my happy face , go pick - up my kids from school and take them to swim practice . Thank you for your blog and thank you for giving me hope . xx L xxL : I 'm glad you found us . Sorry you had to look for us . Hope is what healing is all about . You gotta hang on to it . Hope for a better marriage . Hope for letting go of the pain . Hope for healing . Now . . . along with the hope , there 's a shit ton of work ! ! You gotta want it bad to fix what was so horribly broken . I 'm proof that you can be nearly beyond repair and find a way to walk the Road to Happy . We can have a stronger marriage after DDay . Walk with us . The path is easier when you travel with friends . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Shawn , I am really grateful I have found your blog . I am only 4 weeks post DDay , my spouse is a touring musician . I caught him 2 years ago with some inappropriate emails and I forgave him . 4 weeks ago I found out he was having an affair with his gym buddy , I refer to her as the gym rat . we live in a very small town , he brought her into our home , around our children . . . needless to say I am heartbroken and oh so angry . the entire friend circle knows and I feel like a fool . we started counseling and it is now known he has been cheating from the start of our relationship . . . quoted " sex addict " , my pastor suggested I read your blog and I am so thankful I found it . it has kept me from marching into the gym and smacking the shit out of the gym rat . . . im on the edge of crazy town and your blog saves me everyday from entering . thank you for your story , your honesty and bravery for putting it all out there . I 'm not ready to write my letter , but I just wanted you to know you have helped me . angry in az Angry in AZ : I can feel your pain through the screen ! I am so sorry you are suffering . I can only tell you , it will get easier , just not for a very long time . Healing after DDay is hard work . You have to heal yourself before you can begin to heal your marriage , if that is what you hope to do . It is so positive for you both to be in marriage counseling . Even better that you have individual counseling . You say your pastor suggested you read my blog ? ? Whoa . With all the " F " bombs I throw around , I gotta say that is surprising ! However , he is right to have you seek out others that understand your struggle . Please go to the Healing Heart online message boards . The link is on the bottom of my blog under " support & compassion found here " . The members there saved me from myself . I don 't know if Richard and I would still be together without their kind words and willingness to share their experiences . You 're already smarter than I was . You are keeping the OW out of your life ! Good for you ! Wrap yourself in the comfort of friends and be kind to yourself . if I have helped you , I am grateful for that . I care very much about my readers . I know we need each other . When we walk the Road back to Happy together , the journey is at least a little easier . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Hey Shawn , thank you for your blog . I just wanted to comment , that the ow in our case is in her mid 40s and is a mother and wife . However , when reading her texts to my husband last summer upon dday . . . i finally took an opportunity to grab his unlocked cell . . . it was as if I had been transported back to Jr high ! One would have sworn she was a 14 year old girl ! She assimilated herself to movie characters and brought up private jokes , just like a teenager . So age and maturity level are 2 entirely different things . Obviously , she knew what she was doing was wrong . She said " it was forbidden " in her texts to my husband . Apparently she is still a child , incapable of thinking about anyone else but her self . She went after my husband , who is 15 years younger than her , because , and I quote " I had a crush on him " . So much for age in years meaning anything . Btw my husband is doing everything he can to rebuild our marriage and even left his job to get away from the ow . So only in his 20s but leaps and bounds in front of her middle aged self . I identify a lot with you so much Shawn . thanks again . Jen Jen : OWs come in all shapes , sizes , ages and attitudes . The one thing they all have in common is a very weak moral compass ! The drivel written between Richard and Jaymie used to melt my heart . I took it as gospel while in Crazy Town . It took me a long time and many words of reassurance from Richard to recognize the bullshit for what it really was . . . . a means to an end . Live the lie with vigor and deep passion and it doesn 't feel so much like a lie anymore . Richard convinced himself that it was real love so he wouldn 't feel so guilty about getting laid . I think maybe even Jaymie had an agenda , too . She NEEDED attention . She craved approval . She didn 't hate the cash and other goodies either ! So glad to hear your WH is working to heal your marriage . As you walk your Road to Happy , we will be here if you need a map ! Hope & Hugs , Shawn Hi Shawn , I have just found your blog a week ago and it has given me a lot of incite , so thank you . my nightmare started 27th December 2014 , I am 18 months into this hell . A week ago I had a melt down , I was on my own in the house wallowing in misery and thought maybe if I read my diary I 've kept since this started I could work out what still hurts , what I have recovered from etc . To my disbelief I still feel the same on many issues and no more forward than I was 18 months ago . I found a letter I wrote but never sent it to the spineless online whore who wreaked havoc in my family . " It " was a fake , an online whore who reeled people into believing she was gods gift and my husband lapped it up along with several other men . I call it " it " because I am unsure whether it was a man or woman . A romance scammer who didn 't get a penny out of my husband thank god . I had great pleasure showing my husband what a fake " it " was , how a website called tineye retrieves where a picture originates , what " it " was saying to other men whilst " it " was supposedly in love with my h , I exposed " it " within a day and I am no social media expert ! Back to the point I am writing . The letter was so deeply wrote that it made me crazy , I had forgotten all about it but I still feel those things . My h disgusting childish behaviour still makes me boil with rage so much so that in my crazy moment I completely flipped , I tore up all my diary entries and the letter and chucked them all over the bedroom , I then went into the wardrobe grabbed our wedding memory box ( this affair started days before our anniversary ) and threw everything everywhere then for good measure I threw all his clothes out of the wardrobe . I believe in karma but I will never see that karma because the whore disappeared well before I found it all and that is what infuriates me I think . " It " can play sick games online anonymously and disappear without a trace . No consequences no nothing ! ! It 's not fair these people have that power and I just can 't shake that anger associated with it . So sJuly 8 , 2016 at 3 : 55 AM ( ( ( J ) ) ) : I don 't think any of us ever get " Over " this . We get " Through " this . You gotta go through it . You can 't go around it or over it . Through it takes a long time , longer for some , but you will get through it . You seem to know leaving " IT " alone is the right move . Good for you . She can not help you . She means nothing to your recovery . There are easier Roads to Happy than others . My Road began when I found the compassionate , supportive members of the Healing Heart message board . Please go to the site and join the group . You can ask anything , tell your story , rant and vent or just read and learn . The link is at the bottom of my blog . You do not have to struggle alone . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Melissa , I have spent way too much of my time and energy hating you , wishing Karma would hurry up and kick your ass . I thought I needed to watch you be punished to make myself whole again . Turns out I don 't . I need to let go of the control I have given you over my life . Don 't get me wrong , if you ever try to approach me or my family I will scream " cheating whore " at you , but I will not allow you in my thoughts and dreams anymore . I will be free of you . I am done . Shannon I started writing this blog in 12 / 11 , a little over a year past DDay . The posts are mostly chronological , beginning at the point of inital impact . I have strayed from that pattern as issues come up , but for the most part this is a story . The story of a betrayed spouse . DDay was the harsh beginning . The rest of the story is the journey , searching for my Road to Happy . Please join us . Comment , anonymously if necessary , share your stories , ask questions or just let it all out with a good rant ! Feel free to email me privately from my profile page . I wanna hear from you . I wanna learn from you . I wanna heal with you . Blogger : User Profile : shawn , the wifeLet 's beat down the beast of betrayal together . shawn , the wife Started this blog a year after I found out my husband of 30 years had an affair with a 24 year old co - ed named Jaymie . The first year after DDay was hell . Desperate to get my life back on track , I decided to tell my story . I use a little humor , too much sarcasm and a truck load of truth . Sharing the sordid details of my husband 's betrayal and my insane behavior that followed , is cleansing my soul , but I still have a long way to go . . . my soul was freakin ' filthy ! Hope & Hugs ! Had my face - off with Jaymie . Felt vindicated . Sort of . MY MAN told her she meant nothing to him . Sort of . I told her , she was a pathe . . .
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When my husband cheated on me , I had no idea I would be dealing with the emotional wreckage for so long . This blog is a heads up to others dealing with the trauma of infidelity . Brutal . After an affair , your life doesn 't belong to you anymore . For over a year , I couldn 't control my own thoughts . The turmoil in my head was viciously repetitive but savagely random . With this blog , I began to exorcise the demons holding my head hostage . A Year After the Affair began as a cathartic virtual diary of sorts . I needed an out of the box idea to move myself forward out of the bleak reality I had lived in since DDay . When I registered for this blog on E - Blogger , it was called BlogSpot then , there was no thought given to what my story might do to / for others that had been touched / brutalized by an affair . It was all about me and maybe a little about Jaymie . At first , I did think maybe I could use this as a tool to further embarrass Jaymie . Thanks to the Gods of Cyber Space , soon after I hit publish on my first post , I found the Healing Heart . The members on this support site , that I recommend very highly , schooled me pronto about staying away from the other woman . Still for the first few months , I had all of our last names right up in front for the world to view . I even added a couple of nice pics of the three of us . One of Richard and I celebrating his 60th birthday at Pebble Beach just nine short months after DDay , arms around each other looking as happy as newlyweds and Jaymie 's Google + mug shot . Shared both with anyone who found their way to my homepage . No doubt when I began the blog , I was still residing in Crazy Town and I was frantically looking for a way out . It was over a year after DDay and even though there were many days that I felt nearly normal , there were more that felt like I was living a cowardly life , too afraid to admit my marriage was a facade . We would not be able to survive Richard 's infidelity . I hoped by beginning to write , I would find a way to reveal the truth of what my future would be and how in the hell I 'd ever get there without ending up in a straight jacket . This is my 100th post . I am very proud of how far I 've come since the first day I began to write , 12 / 01 / 11 . I 'm still very selfish about it . I write mostly for me . I still need to get to the end of my Crazy Town adventure because that 's how I have learned to let it go . Type it , read it , briefly revisit the pain then exhale . . . . . Ahhhhh . . . . bye , bye unmerciful memory . Inhale and breathe in what brings me joy today . There is so much . I am very blessed . I am extremely grateful . A blessing I never forget to count is you . You have changed much of the direction of this blog . You gave me an additional constructive reason to write . If the blog had remained just a negative narrative or a tragic tale of my old news , I do not believe I would have been able to walk this far on my Road to Happy . For me to continue to rejuvenate my happiness , this can 't be all about me . I want this blog to be more than a record of my time in Crazy Town . I want it to be a place of recovery , a place for those of you that are struggling to find the strength to repair your damaged life . The fact is . . . I NEED you people ! Many of you thank me for aiding in your recovery , but you always return the favor ten fold . You are my new drug of choice . Jaymie is out , my readers are in . I guess it 's like switching from a crack pipe to a treadmill . Both can be addictive but obviously one is the better choice if you wanna live a happy life . Is that a shitty metaphor ? Yeah . . . probably . But , even after 100 posts , my writing will never win any literary awards . You 're not gonna get Hemingway here , but you 'll always get straight shooting . I tell you exactly what I think . I pull very few punches . Each of us is in a different phase of recovery . No two people find their way out of Crazy Town the same way . However , I have noticed that many of you use my story for a bit of a vicarious thrill . You 're too smart to lash out at your spouse 's affair partner , so reading about my antics brings you a small measure of not - so - guilty pleasure . Am I right ? It 's OK to admit that . You 'd have to be true saint to never wish ill will for the affair partner . Hell , you 're a Mother Teresa clone if you never imagined them boiled in oil or flattened by a steam roller . If reading about my feeble attempts at payback bring you some tiny amount of titillation , feel that shiver of possibility then remember I have proven beyond any doubt , it ain 't worth it . Here 's what we can do : If you wanna let it all out , declare your rage with the other woman / man , do it here . Write them a letter , say all you need to right here . Write it , post it or delete it . It worked for me . Maybe it can help some of you , too . Tell them exactly what you need them to know . Get it out of your broken heart and off your chest . I 'll start . My letter to Jaymie today will be much different that it would have been 100 posts ago . Here 's what I would write to Jaymie today : Jaymie , I 'm sorry . I 'm sorry that I wasted nearly a year of my life focusing on you . I 'm sorry that I wasn 't strong enough after finding out about your affair with my husband to put my pain on him . I 'm sorry that I didn 't know how to handle so much grief . I 'm sorry that you had a front row seat to witness my pathetic attempts to repair my shattered heart . I 'm sorry that I was so confused and damaged that I actually thought you might help me heal . I 'm sorry I let my shock and anguish blind me to the uselessness of your existence in my life . I 'm stronger now . I 'm smarter now . I 'm so much healthier and happier now . Richard and I love each other more everyday and I am grateful I gave him the chance to prove to me he is truly sorry for the mistakes he made with you . Life is good . I 'm done with you . But , I 'll share this bit of advice . . . . watch your back . The karma bus could be right around the next corner and you know you 're due for a ride . Your turn . If you think it might bring you any relief at all , start typing ! Writing can be such a powerful healing tool . I can surely vouch for that . You don 't really need to write 100 posts to find your path on the Road to Happy . Sometimes one good rant will start your journey . Glad you wrote about the karma thing . I never use " karma " ever . The reason is : If I tell someone that , then that means , to me , what the hell did I do to deserve this ? Then I must have done some bad shit to be in a situation to tell someone else , Karma 's a bitch . So , what do you think you did to deserve this karma ? I liked your letter to jaymie . But in your defense she should have known better . Especially given her Christian background . Also you were a bit hard on yourself . You understood that if you took out your pain on Richard your relationship would not have survived . Good luckPS I hope that Karma does come back to haunt Jaymie . I hope that one day her husband steps out on her with a younger woman . And I hope that you are able to hear about it . . . and giggle . October 17 , 2013 at 9 : 09 PM You tried but you didn 't succeed . Its pretty obvious you were putting on a show for this man that was from another world . You come from the gutter , but you haven 't really pulled yourself up from it . No , you can 't have my lifestyle or try to bring up my children , they now laugh at your tattoos , cheap clothes , silly hair and trying to look 20 when your passed middle age . My husband thought you were up for it ( which you were ) but he felt disgusted when he left your hovel of a flat . He hated your arse and your short legs , he felt your vagina was too loose , he couldn 't stand the amount of fake tan and the smell it gave off . He didn 't mind that you were thick and uneducated as he wasn 't bothered about the conversation and it made his bullshit more believable . He hated your stories about how many men fancied you , only because it made him feel so silly as he thought to himself , what fool could fancy this , but I must be a fool for shagging it . He really used you , but I think you used him too . Cheaper than those batteries . ( Sorry this is so long ! It does feel good to write : ) Here is what I would say : It is now about 2 - 1 / 2 years since you were last involved with our family . It truly took me a full 2 years to feel safe and sane in my own life again , but I am OK now . We are all actually OK now . I am never going to forgive you , pity you , or try to understand you in any way . I don 't owe you anything , and if I want to " blame " you for all eternity , I will . You were a stranger who came into our family and stole money , attention , time , and energy that belonged to my children . You never gave any thought to what was in their best interest , and during the time you were pretending their dad , my husband , was your " boyfriend " , our kids did truly suffer . Our family was in danger of almost falling apart completely . Because of your lack of concern for my kids , I will never forgive you . Though I will always truly despise you , I have learned how to move that emotion to a far place in my heart and mind . You aren 't something I really think about much anymore , and I am certain that time will make you even more of a nothing to all of us . I have found that I no longer need to speak of you or learn more about you . For what it 's worth , my husband and I did not have a strong marriage before and during the time you were involved in our family . That does not mean what happened was OK , reasonable , justified or expected . It just means we did not have a strong relationship at that time of our lives . ( We do now . ) Sometimes , when people are together for years and years , those times happen . You will never know or understand that because even though you are nearing 50 , you have not had an actual long term relationship in your life . A few days ago , I forgot your name . Sure , it came back to me after about 20 seconds , but for those 20 seconds , I realized I have given you so little thought lately that I actually forgot your name . You are becoming less and less . I have never spoken to you , and I have no desire to . About a year ago , my husband and I were talking , and he told October 18 , 2013 at 2 : 26 PM Anonymous # 1 : I do believe in Karma . Those were not just words . I don 't think I did anything to DESERVE this . No one . . . absolutely NO ONE deserves this kind of pain , but I gotta admit . . . it taught me a whole lot . I think that 's what Karma means to me . Karma is the way the world teaches us lessons we need to learn . I needed to learn my marriage was not as perfect as I thought it was . It needed work . The affair was my kick in the ass , my wake up call . Could I have learned that lesson in a much easier way ? You bet , but Richard also needed a Karma kick in the ass . He was subject to a whole shit ton of Crazy Town for over a year . He learned selfish actions have consequences . See how it works ? ? Asses kicked . Lessons learned . . . Karma . I figure Jaymie may have already been hit by the Karma bus . . . that bus was named Shawn , but I hope she gets backed over again . ; - ) Hope & Hugs , Shawn Anonymous # 2 : Thanks for the vote of confidence . I don 't think I 'm hard on myself . I 'm just really honest with myself . I know my behavior after DDay made everything harder . I was my own worst enemy . I can admit that now . Jaymie 's husband cheating on her ? That would be pure golden Karma ! ! I like the way you think ! But , truly , I don 't wish the pain of infidelity on anyone , so maybe she could just get hit by a bus or have to live in her car for a year or so ? ? Naughty thoughts ! Sorry ! Hope & Hugs , Shawn Wonderful post Shawn ! I 'm nearing my 2nd year into this drama . I 'm nowhere near your perspective but I am so glad to read and learn from yours . you 're right . . . dwelling on the OW is a waste of our time . They aren 't worth it ! Thanks as always , lady ! October 19 , 2013 at 4 : 54 PM Dear OW , I don 't wish bad karma on you . I barely even think about you anymore to even put the energy into such a thought . If anything I want to thank you . Thank you for being the window I needed to see into his secret life . If it wasn 't for someone willing to give him an opportunity to show me who he really is , where would I be right now ? So thank you . I am a smart woman . I will not stay with a man who cheated on me TWICE with two different women ! Once was enough . I don 't care if he begged & cried to stay . My self esteem is not that low that I am willing to put up with that . I will not come home from work everyday wondering if I should be where I am . I deserve more . And I have some years left to celebrate life never wondering what if . So thank you OW for helping me see who he was sooner than later . If it wasn 't you , it could 've been who knows who else . I wish you well . I love that some people are posting their letters in the comments . This is the best blog ever about recovering from infidelity ( I subscribe to a few ) . I absolutely love the unvarnished truth ! I just had to sit back to count . It 's been 3 . 5 years since Dday for me . Everything is over in my case . No more crazy OW showing up drunk on my doorstep with her baby that was the result of the affair . No more lies from a man who continued to seek out the OW in the months and years after Dday . I 've ousted that insanity from my life as best I can . I 'm so glad you mentioned Karma , Shawn . My ex is still in major court battles with the OW over custody - - the battles have been raging for over two years now . I know this because I still talk with my ex almost every day due to the fact that we were / are business partners and the one thing left between us is that . The OW has done such a tremendously good job of kicking his ass it feels as if all I have to do is sit back and watch Karma playout like a football game on TV . At this point , I actually feel sadness for their child . I can 't imagine this woman ever doing the right thing , for the good of her child . She holds him like a pawn . That is the dark side of karma . No child should have to endure that . I see my ex 's pain over it yet all I can think is that he deserves it . But not the child . The child does not deserve it . I think all OWs will at some point experience infidelity from their spouse . As my brother put it men are dogs , and most men will take the opportunity to cheat if it is thrown at them . A man of high net worth and good looks is often a target for unscrupulous young women looking for a free ride , without having to pay any dues to help the man earn his good income . These type of women come on strong . My brother insists that a majority of married men cheat , at least once , but don 't get caught . As for Karma , I agree with Shawn , it is not necessarily a payback for negative behavior , although it can be . It is just as often a way for the universe to teach us a lesson we need to learn . Mine was that I needed to take my husband off that lofty pedestal I had installed him on . Also , another lesson was to never fully trust anyone so innocently , and ever again give a man so much freedom to go out with the boys or on men 's trips . My brother warned me about that , too . But , I did not listen . The freedom to engage in such activities makes it far too easy for a man to hide his cheating . I have many lady friends who never allowed their husbands such freedoms and warned me not to allow mine to have them . I scoffed but now know I was stupid to do so . I did not listen . I trusted too innocently . Also , It 's my understanding that the person who initiates a hurtful action is the one who will later suffer punitive karma as a pay back not the one who was hurt . So , even if a betrayed spouse were to make the other women 's life miserable for a time , the betrayed spouse will not suffer punitive Karma because she was simply protecting herself , not being pointlessly cruel . I do believe that Jaymie will end up married to a man who cheats on her one day . He may or may not get caught , but if she catches him , perhaps then she will call Shawn and apologize . Jaymie is very young , and despite her youth she is no where near as attractive as Shawn . Richard , really , affaired down . So sad Jaymie had an open leg policy . I seriously doubt that Jaymie will be as attHope Shawn , I 've been following your blog for the last several months now and am happy that you shared your experiences with the world . I 've been in a similar situation and can understand the healing power of releasing everything " on paper " because it allows oneself to say everything openly and thoroughly . You were put in a very unfortunate situation , and I 'm glad that you 've found your road back to happiness . Not everyone can say that after experiencing what you went through . Although you recognize some mistakes you may have made along the way , you had every right to feel angry , hurt , jealous , betrayed , etc … . and those emotions can definitely lead people to do crazy things ! ! I will , however , note that you still seem to ( understandably ) show a lot of resentment toward Jaymie , even in your closing letter to her . Once again , the focus was on her …… regardless of what you were saying in it . However , I also can see that you recognize deep down that your real beef was with Richard . It 's important to remember that Jaymie was in her early 20 's , practically still a child ( albeit one who your husband obviously found attractive and intelligent ) while it was your husband who was the real grown - up that broke a vow to you . I hope that Jaymie learns NEVER to do this with another married man in the future because she certainly wasn 't showing the makings of a quality person , but my real hope ( for your sake ) is that Richard didn 't just change his ways simply because he got caught with his last affair partner . Yes , people do often hurt the ones they love , but it 's obvious in this situation , and in all of the ones that came before the affair with Jaymie , that Richard loved himself the most . Lets just call a spade a spade . I 'm praying for your sake that he continues putting you and your marriage first , and that all of these things happened so that he could be the one who went through the biggest transformation of all . I just hate that you were the one that had to suffer the most from it . Best of luck to you boOctober 21 , 2013 at 9 : 40 PM Hope : Thanks for praying for me . We can all use a little more of that and I appreciate it . I do want to point out one issue with your comment : You might read resentment into my letter , but the intent was to express regret . The letter was TO Jaymie , but written about how I feel about myself , not her . I did add the little quip about karma , but mostly for a giggle . Jaymie has no hold on me anymore . Any residual issues I have today are with Richard and my own crazy self . It ain 't easy looking back at how broken I was , but I try to focus on the fact that I have done a pretty decent job of fixing myself . Not quite done , may never be done , but I 'm diligent and determined . So . . . not to worry ! Jaymie no longer plagues me , but I sure don 't care if karma eventually bites her in the butt either . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Susan Rubinsky : Why the kid ? Why does he have to deal with all the drama ? Selfish adults , that 's why . That is the karma twist I deplore . Others need to learn a lesson and loved ones get caught in the middle . Your WH 's karma lesson may harm his child . Brutal . So sorry for the child . Hope you are on a smooth and steady path on your Road to Happy . Hope & Hugs . Shawn The early 20s is not a child . Sorry . It so sad that society has provided an excuse for young adults to engage in negative behaviors by infantilizing them . October 22 , 2013 at 10 : 41 AM I agree with Hope . Early 20 's is very young . I still had a ton to learn at that age . I was still in college . I 'm sure Jaymie learned her lesson and will never fall for anyone married again . Let 's hope Richard has learned his lesson as well . October 27 , 2013 at 12 : 05 AM Karen Dunstan : There 's young and then there 's selfish and ignorant . 24 ain 't that young ! I had been married for 2 years at 24 . Jaymie knew being with Richard was wrong . 15 year old girls in high school beat the crap out of each other fighting over boyfriends ! ALL girls know you do not mess with a man that is otherwise attached . . . period . It ain 't rocket science . That said . . . Richard knew how to play her . No doubt . I do think he learned his lesson , but my eyes will forever be wide open . Hope & hugs , Shawn Agreeing with Shawn & BS . Early twenties may seem young , but it is certainly old enough to know better . Congrats on your 100th post ! Of all the blogs I 've read during this difficult , life - changing year , yours is the one that has helped me the most . I can 't say I got a vicarious thrill , reading about the stuff you did . . . I always feel such a mixture of things when I read your story . Empathy , pain , anger , but also , a kind of release . . . and often , you make me laugh in the midst of it all . I value the hell out of that , since laughter was in such short supply until recently . I notice I 'm laughing more again . No doubt , months of being on Zoloft and good counseling has helped with that . . . but so have you and this community of wounded - but - healing warriors . While I did very little in the way of lashing out at the OW , it wasn 't because I didn 't want to - it was more about her being the bunny boiler type and instinctively I knew that any exchange of energy would only feed her and make the problem worse . In the very beginning I said enough to scare her away , I think . . . she thought I was the passive type and I let her know she was sorely mistaken . She cares greatly about her reputation and I think she realized that a menacing / harassment / stalking charge and restraining order would not be a good thing for her . There have been many times I needed a reminder that what I must do is let the bitch whore go . . . and you have been instrumental in keeping my " angry self " in line . So once again , thank you Shawn . Your courage and honesty have been an immeasurable gift . October 30 , 2013 at 6 : 14 AM Has nothing to do with rocket science but seems more of you NOT putting more blame on richard as you should . I think of my 24 year old niece & how young she is in her looks , her thinking , her smarts and everything . . . . yes a 20 something year old should know better , not from school yard fights , more from common sense . . . however 60 year old man should know 10 times better than she . You really needs to stop focusing on her & by not focusing on her , I mean stop insulting her by name calling & all the other things you do . Take your own advice & let her go . She doesn 't have to be a bitch or a whore . It makes you look immature & bitter and you are better than that . Why don 't you ever call richard a dirty old pervert instead of calling jaymie a bitch whore . It seems more appropriate . KDunstan : There is plenty of blame to go around ! Richard holds the largest basket of blame to be sure . I lay the all the blame for his choices right at his feet and the stinking pile is as high as his ears . If it makes you feel better . . . Richard WAS a scum sucking , low life dirty rotten baby banging shit - head ! He was a lying , narcissistic pig of a man ! OR . . . maybe your looking for something like . . . Richard IS and always will be a selfish , philandering ass wipe with the morals of a penis flashing , sexual deviant ! If that 's what you wanna hear , I 'm not gonna be able to deliver . Richard WAS a cheating bastard , but now he 's not so I guess I don 't call him as many names as I do Jaymie because he has worked his cheating ass off to make amends . Maybe you don 't get it because my writing style , actually . . . my personality style , can be very sarcastic , cynical and irreverent . A favorite saying of mine is , " I know I 'm not everyone 's cup of tea . Doesn 't matter because I rather be someone 's shot of tequila anyway ! " I call Jaymie names because it 's easy and who does it hurt ? ? I do not give a feathery , bird 's butt about Jaymie so if I get a little giddy about calling her a ditzy , needy , dip shit , I 'm going to continue to take the liberty . Doesn 't make me immature . Doesn 't make me bitter . It makes me a recovering betrayed spouse with a cathartic soap box . Sorry if I disappoint you , but I like my blog just as it is . I like my life with my ex - cheating fuck - tard of a husband now , too . I love the filthy old , perv ! LOL ! Oh , crap ! Maybe I am a little immature ! Hope & Hugs , Shawn KateM : Laughter can surprise us after DDay . When we find joy in simple things again we can be sure we have made substantial progress walking our Road back to Happy . This blog is all about release . I put it out there and walk on down my Road . If it helps others walk on , too . . . that is such a HUGE bonus ! You knew to let the bitch - whore go right away ! Good for you , Sister ! It ain 't easy to keep the " angry - self " contained . You must be one very tough cookie . Thanks for your kind words . They mean a lot . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Karen Dunstan : Are you a betrayed wife ? It doesn 't sound that way . Perhaps you are the mom of a 20 year old girl who had an affair with a married man ? ? ? ? ? ? If I am wrong , I apologize , but that is what you sound like . I was a 20 year old girl once When , my married college Profs came on to me . I laughed at them . When my summer job married bosses flirted I laughed at them too . But , there were plenty of slutty women my age who targeted older married men . They tried to talk me into doing it too . I had to much intelligence , pride and self esteem to get involved with a married , mid - life crisis male . Those women knew exactly what they were doing . They liked the perks of dating an older married man . They were whores and worse prostitutes because they wanted money and knew and older man in a long time marriage was vulnerable and would spend money on them . Unless a 20 years old has a low IQ , she knows going after a married man is wrong . If your daughter went after a married man , making excuses for her will only enable her to do it again . Jaymie likely will never learn her lesson . She went after Richard for the perks . The perk was money she willing asked for and took to pay her bills . Jaymie is a whore , and a prostitute because she wanted money . By age 20 , a girl knows what a whore and a prostitute is and they don 't behave like one . Unless of course they actually are a whore and a prostitute . BTW : if you were a Betrayed spouse you would already know we have all called our spouses similar names and worse . The difference between Richard and my spouse and likely all the husband 's of the betrayed spouses here is that they were not prostitutes , because they were spending the money on the whore women who enjoyed having money spent on them . The men were not taking money . The outsider pushed for the affair , I saw the texts and emails . She was a shameless slut , hussy and money grubber . My husband laughs at her now , too . He can 't believe he fell for her ego strokes . He says when He sees her , now , he wants to puke . A mid life crisis is a November 4 , 2013 at 8 : 12 AM BS : As much as I appreciate you landing on my side of this discussion , I gotta do a little fact check here . Richard chased Jaymie like a hungry snake chases a mouse for dinner . He wined her and dined her to get her to drop her drawers . He told her everything he knew she needed to hear while handing out Benjamins . $ $ $ She ate it up . No way the affair was her idea . I think she may really have been in love with him . She is very needy and has next to no self esteem . Goes from guy to guy , never on her own for long . She was easy pickings . So . . . Richard owns the lion 's share of the blame but I still say any reasonable girl knows better than to fall for a married man . Any girl that knowingly gives it up to a man that is already in a relationship is a nothing more than a selfish piece of skanky trash . Your situation is far different from mine . Jaymie only tried begging Richard to leave me once . After he bailed on her like a bad investment , she got the message pretty quickly . I 'm the one that continued to drag her sorry ass back into our lives . That makes me nearly as simple minded as Jaymie ! ! YIKES ! I 've learned a lot . Hope she did , too . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Hi Shawn : I hear ya ' . Well , no one can say you let Richard off easy or made excuses for him . Not after reading your post to me . " A hungry snake . " What a great descriptive word picture . : ) I am glad Jaymie back off , when Richard dropped her like yesterday 's news . I am sorry you are here , anyway . I am sorry we are both here . It sucks to know our spouses cheated . No matter who is to blame . November 5 , 2013 at 9 : 21 AM Oh Shawn , I just found your blog and you give me hope , so much hope . For now I will tell you that my DD was on July 22 , 2012 . I will write more one day , but for now I must put on my happy face , go pick - up my kids from school and take them to swim practice . Thank you for your blog and thank you for giving me hope . xx L xxL : I 'm glad you found us . Sorry you had to look for us . Hope is what healing is all about . You gotta hang on to it . Hope for a better marriage . Hope for letting go of the pain . Hope for healing . Now . . . along with the hope , there 's a shit ton of work ! ! You gotta want it bad to fix what was so horribly broken . I 'm proof that you can be nearly beyond repair and find a way to walk the Road to Happy . We can have a stronger marriage after DDay . Walk with us . The path is easier when you travel with friends . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Shawn , I am really grateful I have found your blog . I am only 4 weeks post DDay , my spouse is a touring musician . I caught him 2 years ago with some inappropriate emails and I forgave him . 4 weeks ago I found out he was having an affair with his gym buddy , I refer to her as the gym rat . we live in a very small town , he brought her into our home , around our children . . . needless to say I am heartbroken and oh so angry . the entire friend circle knows and I feel like a fool . we started counseling and it is now known he has been cheating from the start of our relationship . . . quoted " sex addict " , my pastor suggested I read your blog and I am so thankful I found it . it has kept me from marching into the gym and smacking the shit out of the gym rat . . . im on the edge of crazy town and your blog saves me everyday from entering . thank you for your story , your honesty and bravery for putting it all out there . I 'm not ready to write my letter , but I just wanted you to know you have helped me . angry in az Angry in AZ : I can feel your pain through the screen ! I am so sorry you are suffering . I can only tell you , it will get easier , just not for a very long time . Healing after DDay is hard work . You have to heal yourself before you can begin to heal your marriage , if that is what you hope to do . It is so positive for you both to be in marriage counseling . Even better that you have individual counseling . You say your pastor suggested you read my blog ? ? Whoa . With all the " F " bombs I throw around , I gotta say that is surprising ! However , he is right to have you seek out others that understand your struggle . Please go to the Healing Heart online message boards . The link is on the bottom of my blog under " support & compassion found here " . The members there saved me from myself . I don 't know if Richard and I would still be together without their kind words and willingness to share their experiences . You 're already smarter than I was . You are keeping the OW out of your life ! Good for you ! Wrap yourself in the comfort of friends and be kind to yourself . if I have helped you , I am grateful for that . I care very much about my readers . I know we need each other . When we walk the Road back to Happy together , the journey is at least a little easier . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Hey Shawn , thank you for your blog . I just wanted to comment , that the ow in our case is in her mid 40s and is a mother and wife . However , when reading her texts to my husband last summer upon dday . . . i finally took an opportunity to grab his unlocked cell . . . it was as if I had been transported back to Jr high ! One would have sworn she was a 14 year old girl ! She assimilated herself to movie characters and brought up private jokes , just like a teenager . So age and maturity level are 2 entirely different things . Obviously , she knew what she was doing was wrong . She said " it was forbidden " in her texts to my husband . Apparently she is still a child , incapable of thinking about anyone else but her self . She went after my husband , who is 15 years younger than her , because , and I quote " I had a crush on him " . So much for age in years meaning anything . Btw my husband is doing everything he can to rebuild our marriage and even left his job to get away from the ow . So only in his 20s but leaps and bounds in front of her middle aged self . I identify a lot with you so much Shawn . thanks again . Jen Jen : OWs come in all shapes , sizes , ages and attitudes . The one thing they all have in common is a very weak moral compass ! The drivel written between Richard and Jaymie used to melt my heart . I took it as gospel while in Crazy Town . It took me a long time and many words of reassurance from Richard to recognize the bullshit for what it really was . . . . a means to an end . Live the lie with vigor and deep passion and it doesn 't feel so much like a lie anymore . Richard convinced himself that it was real love so he wouldn 't feel so guilty about getting laid . I think maybe even Jaymie had an agenda , too . She NEEDED attention . She craved approval . She didn 't hate the cash and other goodies either ! So glad to hear your WH is working to heal your marriage . As you walk your Road to Happy , we will be here if you need a map ! Hope & Hugs , Shawn Hi Shawn , I have just found your blog a week ago and it has given me a lot of incite , so thank you . my nightmare started 27th December 2014 , I am 18 months into this hell . A week ago I had a melt down , I was on my own in the house wallowing in misery and thought maybe if I read my diary I 've kept since this started I could work out what still hurts , what I have recovered from etc . To my disbelief I still feel the same on many issues and no more forward than I was 18 months ago . I found a letter I wrote but never sent it to the spineless online whore who wreaked havoc in my family . " It " was a fake , an online whore who reeled people into believing she was gods gift and my husband lapped it up along with several other men . I call it " it " because I am unsure whether it was a man or woman . A romance scammer who didn 't get a penny out of my husband thank god . I had great pleasure showing my husband what a fake " it " was , how a website called tineye retrieves where a picture originates , what " it " was saying to other men whilst " it " was supposedly in love with my h , I exposed " it " within a day and I am no social media expert ! Back to the point I am writing . The letter was so deeply wrote that it made me crazy , I had forgotten all about it but I still feel those things . My h disgusting childish behaviour still makes me boil with rage so much so that in my crazy moment I completely flipped , I tore up all my diary entries and the letter and chucked them all over the bedroom , I then went into the wardrobe grabbed our wedding memory box ( this affair started days before our anniversary ) and threw everything everywhere then for good measure I threw all his clothes out of the wardrobe . I believe in karma but I will never see that karma because the whore disappeared well before I found it all and that is what infuriates me I think . " It " can play sick games online anonymously and disappear without a trace . No consequences no nothing ! ! It 's not fair these people have that power and I just can 't shake that anger associated with it . So sJuly 8 , 2016 at 3 : 55 AM ( ( ( J ) ) ) : I don 't think any of us ever get " Over " this . We get " Through " this . You gotta go through it . You can 't go around it or over it . Through it takes a long time , longer for some , but you will get through it . You seem to know leaving " IT " alone is the right move . Good for you . She can not help you . She means nothing to your recovery . There are easier Roads to Happy than others . My Road began when I found the compassionate , supportive members of the Healing Heart message board . Please go to the site and join the group . You can ask anything , tell your story , rant and vent or just read and learn . The link is at the bottom of my blog . You do not have to struggle alone . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Melissa , I have spent way too much of my time and energy hating you , wishing Karma would hurry up and kick your ass . I thought I needed to watch you be punished to make myself whole again . Turns out I don 't . I need to let go of the control I have given you over my life . Don 't get me wrong , if you ever try to approach me or my family I will scream " cheating whore " at you , but I will not allow you in my thoughts and dreams anymore . I will be free of you . I am done . Shannon I started writing this blog in 12 / 11 , a little over a year past DDay . The posts are mostly chronological , beginning at the point of inital impact . I have strayed from that pattern as issues come up , but for the most part this is a story . The story of a betrayed spouse . DDay was the harsh beginning . The rest of the story is the journey , searching for my Road to Happy . Please join us . Comment , anonymously if necessary , share your stories , ask questions or just let it all out with a good rant ! Feel free to email me privately from my profile page . I wanna hear from you . I wanna learn from you . I wanna heal with you . Blogger : User Profile : shawn , the wifeLet 's beat down the beast of betrayal together . shawn , the wife Started this blog a year after I found out my husband of 30 years had an affair with a 24 year old co - ed named Jaymie . The first year after DDay was hell . Desperate to get my life back on track , I decided to tell my story . I use a little humor , too much sarcasm and a truck load of truth . Sharing the sordid details of my husband 's betrayal and my insane behavior that followed , is cleansing my soul , but I still have a long way to go . . . my soul was freakin ' filthy ! Hope & Hugs ! Had my face - off with Jaymie . Felt vindicated . Sort of . MY MAN told her she meant nothing to him . Sort of . I told her , she was a pathe . . .
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When my husband cheated on me , I had no idea I would be dealing with the emotional wreckage for so long . This blog is a heads up to others dealing with the trauma of infidelity . Brutal . After an affair , your life doesn 't belong to you anymore . For over a year , I couldn 't control my own thoughts . The turmoil in my head was viciously repetitive but savagely random . With this blog , I began to exorcise the demons holding my head hostage . A Year After the Affair began as a cathartic virtual diary of sorts . I needed an out of the box idea to move myself forward out of the bleak reality I had lived in since DDay . When I registered for this blog on E - Blogger , it was called BlogSpot then , there was no thought given to what my story might do to / for others that had been touched / brutalized by an affair . It was all about me and maybe a little about Jaymie . At first , I did think maybe I could use this as a tool to further embarrass Jaymie . Thanks to the Gods of Cyber Space , soon after I hit publish on my first post , I found the Healing Heart . The members on this support site , that I recommend very highly , schooled me pronto about staying away from the other woman . Still for the first few months , I had all of our last names right up in front for the world to view . I even added a couple of nice pics of the three of us . One of Richard and I celebrating his 60th birthday at Pebble Beach just nine short months after DDay , arms around each other looking as happy as newlyweds and Jaymie 's Google + mug shot . Shared both with anyone who found their way to my homepage . No doubt when I began the blog , I was still residing in Crazy Town and I was frantically looking for a way out . It was over a year after DDay and even though there were many days that I felt nearly normal , there were more that felt like I was living a cowardly life , too afraid to admit my marriage was a facade . We would not be able to survive Richard 's infidelity . I hoped by beginning to write , I would find a way to reveal the truth of what my future would be and how in the hell I 'd ever get there without ending up in a straight jacket . This is my 100th post . I am very proud of how far I 've come since the first day I began to write , 12 / 01 / 11 . I 'm still very selfish about it . I write mostly for me . I still need to get to the end of my Crazy Town adventure because that 's how I have learned to let it go . Type it , read it , briefly revisit the pain then exhale . . . . . Ahhhhh . . . . bye , bye unmerciful memory . Inhale and breathe in what brings me joy today . There is so much . I am very blessed . I am extremely grateful . A blessing I never forget to count is you . You have changed much of the direction of this blog . You gave me an additional constructive reason to write . If the blog had remained just a negative narrative or a tragic tale of my old news , I do not believe I would have been able to walk this far on my Road to Happy . For me to continue to rejuvenate my happiness , this can 't be all about me . I want this blog to be more than a record of my time in Crazy Town . I want it to be a place of recovery , a place for those of you that are struggling to find the strength to repair your damaged life . The fact is . . . I NEED you people ! Many of you thank me for aiding in your recovery , but you always return the favor ten fold . You are my new drug of choice . Jaymie is out , my readers are in . I guess it 's like switching from a crack pipe to a treadmill . Both can be addictive but obviously one is the better choice if you wanna live a happy life . Is that a shitty metaphor ? Yeah . . . probably . But , even after 100 posts , my writing will never win any literary awards . You 're not gonna get Hemingway here , but you 'll always get straight shooting . I tell you exactly what I think . I pull very few punches . Each of us is in a different phase of recovery . No two people find their way out of Crazy Town the same way . However , I have noticed that many of you use my story for a bit of a vicarious thrill . You 're too smart to lash out at your spouse 's affair partner , so reading about my antics brings you a small measure of not - so - guilty pleasure . Am I right ? It 's OK to admit that . You 'd have to be true saint to never wish ill will for the affair partner . Hell , you 're a Mother Teresa clone if you never imagined them boiled in oil or flattened by a steam roller . If reading about my feeble attempts at payback bring you some tiny amount of titillation , feel that shiver of possibility then remember I have proven beyond any doubt , it ain 't worth it . Here 's what we can do : If you wanna let it all out , declare your rage with the other woman / man , do it here . Write them a letter , say all you need to right here . Write it , post it or delete it . It worked for me . Maybe it can help some of you , too . Tell them exactly what you need them to know . Get it out of your broken heart and off your chest . I 'll start . My letter to Jaymie today will be much different that it would have been 100 posts ago . Here 's what I would write to Jaymie today : Jaymie , I 'm sorry . I 'm sorry that I wasted nearly a year of my life focusing on you . I 'm sorry that I wasn 't strong enough after finding out about your affair with my husband to put my pain on him . I 'm sorry that I didn 't know how to handle so much grief . I 'm sorry that you had a front row seat to witness my pathetic attempts to repair my shattered heart . I 'm sorry that I was so confused and damaged that I actually thought you might help me heal . I 'm sorry I let my shock and anguish blind me to the uselessness of your existence in my life . I 'm stronger now . I 'm smarter now . I 'm so much healthier and happier now . Richard and I love each other more everyday and I am grateful I gave him the chance to prove to me he is truly sorry for the mistakes he made with you . Life is good . I 'm done with you . But , I 'll share this bit of advice . . . . watch your back . The karma bus could be right around the next corner and you know you 're due for a ride . Your turn . If you think it might bring you any relief at all , start typing ! Writing can be such a powerful healing tool . I can surely vouch for that . You don 't really need to write 100 posts to find your path on the Road to Happy . Sometimes one good rant will start your journey . Glad you wrote about the karma thing . I never use " karma " ever . The reason is : If I tell someone that , then that means , to me , what the hell did I do to deserve this ? Then I must have done some bad shit to be in a situation to tell someone else , Karma 's a bitch . So , what do you think you did to deserve this karma ? I liked your letter to jaymie . But in your defense she should have known better . Especially given her Christian background . Also you were a bit hard on yourself . You understood that if you took out your pain on Richard your relationship would not have survived . Good luckPS I hope that Karma does come back to haunt Jaymie . I hope that one day her husband steps out on her with a younger woman . And I hope that you are able to hear about it . . . and giggle . October 17 , 2013 at 9 : 09 PM You tried but you didn 't succeed . Its pretty obvious you were putting on a show for this man that was from another world . You come from the gutter , but you haven 't really pulled yourself up from it . No , you can 't have my lifestyle or try to bring up my children , they now laugh at your tattoos , cheap clothes , silly hair and trying to look 20 when your passed middle age . My husband thought you were up for it ( which you were ) but he felt disgusted when he left your hovel of a flat . He hated your arse and your short legs , he felt your vagina was too loose , he couldn 't stand the amount of fake tan and the smell it gave off . He didn 't mind that you were thick and uneducated as he wasn 't bothered about the conversation and it made his bullshit more believable . He hated your stories about how many men fancied you , only because it made him feel so silly as he thought to himself , what fool could fancy this , but I must be a fool for shagging it . He really used you , but I think you used him too . Cheaper than those batteries . ( Sorry this is so long ! It does feel good to write : ) Here is what I would say : It is now about 2 - 1 / 2 years since you were last involved with our family . It truly took me a full 2 years to feel safe and sane in my own life again , but I am OK now . We are all actually OK now . I am never going to forgive you , pity you , or try to understand you in any way . I don 't owe you anything , and if I want to " blame " you for all eternity , I will . You were a stranger who came into our family and stole money , attention , time , and energy that belonged to my children . You never gave any thought to what was in their best interest , and during the time you were pretending their dad , my husband , was your " boyfriend " , our kids did truly suffer . Our family was in danger of almost falling apart completely . Because of your lack of concern for my kids , I will never forgive you . Though I will always truly despise you , I have learned how to move that emotion to a far place in my heart and mind . You aren 't something I really think about much anymore , and I am certain that time will make you even more of a nothing to all of us . I have found that I no longer need to speak of you or learn more about you . For what it 's worth , my husband and I did not have a strong marriage before and during the time you were involved in our family . That does not mean what happened was OK , reasonable , justified or expected . It just means we did not have a strong relationship at that time of our lives . ( We do now . ) Sometimes , when people are together for years and years , those times happen . You will never know or understand that because even though you are nearing 50 , you have not had an actual long term relationship in your life . A few days ago , I forgot your name . Sure , it came back to me after about 20 seconds , but for those 20 seconds , I realized I have given you so little thought lately that I actually forgot your name . You are becoming less and less . I have never spoken to you , and I have no desire to . About a year ago , my husband and I were talking , and he told October 18 , 2013 at 2 : 26 PM Anonymous # 1 : I do believe in Karma . Those were not just words . I don 't think I did anything to DESERVE this . No one . . . absolutely NO ONE deserves this kind of pain , but I gotta admit . . . it taught me a whole lot . I think that 's what Karma means to me . Karma is the way the world teaches us lessons we need to learn . I needed to learn my marriage was not as perfect as I thought it was . It needed work . The affair was my kick in the ass , my wake up call . Could I have learned that lesson in a much easier way ? You bet , but Richard also needed a Karma kick in the ass . He was subject to a whole shit ton of Crazy Town for over a year . He learned selfish actions have consequences . See how it works ? ? Asses kicked . Lessons learned . . . Karma . I figure Jaymie may have already been hit by the Karma bus . . . that bus was named Shawn , but I hope she gets backed over again . ; - ) Hope & Hugs , Shawn Anonymous # 2 : Thanks for the vote of confidence . I don 't think I 'm hard on myself . I 'm just really honest with myself . I know my behavior after DDay made everything harder . I was my own worst enemy . I can admit that now . Jaymie 's husband cheating on her ? That would be pure golden Karma ! ! I like the way you think ! But , truly , I don 't wish the pain of infidelity on anyone , so maybe she could just get hit by a bus or have to live in her car for a year or so ? ? Naughty thoughts ! Sorry ! Hope & Hugs , Shawn Wonderful post Shawn ! I 'm nearing my 2nd year into this drama . I 'm nowhere near your perspective but I am so glad to read and learn from yours . you 're right . . . dwelling on the OW is a waste of our time . They aren 't worth it ! Thanks as always , lady ! October 19 , 2013 at 4 : 54 PM Dear OW , I don 't wish bad karma on you . I barely even think about you anymore to even put the energy into such a thought . If anything I want to thank you . Thank you for being the window I needed to see into his secret life . If it wasn 't for someone willing to give him an opportunity to show me who he really is , where would I be right now ? So thank you . I am a smart woman . I will not stay with a man who cheated on me TWICE with two different women ! Once was enough . I don 't care if he begged & cried to stay . My self esteem is not that low that I am willing to put up with that . I will not come home from work everyday wondering if I should be where I am . I deserve more . And I have some years left to celebrate life never wondering what if . So thank you OW for helping me see who he was sooner than later . If it wasn 't you , it could 've been who knows who else . I wish you well . I love that some people are posting their letters in the comments . This is the best blog ever about recovering from infidelity ( I subscribe to a few ) . I absolutely love the unvarnished truth ! I just had to sit back to count . It 's been 3 . 5 years since Dday for me . Everything is over in my case . No more crazy OW showing up drunk on my doorstep with her baby that was the result of the affair . No more lies from a man who continued to seek out the OW in the months and years after Dday . I 've ousted that insanity from my life as best I can . I 'm so glad you mentioned Karma , Shawn . My ex is still in major court battles with the OW over custody - - the battles have been raging for over two years now . I know this because I still talk with my ex almost every day due to the fact that we were / are business partners and the one thing left between us is that . The OW has done such a tremendously good job of kicking his ass it feels as if all I have to do is sit back and watch Karma playout like a football game on TV . At this point , I actually feel sadness for their child . I can 't imagine this woman ever doing the right thing , for the good of her child . She holds him like a pawn . That is the dark side of karma . No child should have to endure that . I see my ex 's pain over it yet all I can think is that he deserves it . But not the child . The child does not deserve it . I think all OWs will at some point experience infidelity from their spouse . As my brother put it men are dogs , and most men will take the opportunity to cheat if it is thrown at them . A man of high net worth and good looks is often a target for unscrupulous young women looking for a free ride , without having to pay any dues to help the man earn his good income . These type of women come on strong . My brother insists that a majority of married men cheat , at least once , but don 't get caught . As for Karma , I agree with Shawn , it is not necessarily a payback for negative behavior , although it can be . It is just as often a way for the universe to teach us a lesson we need to learn . Mine was that I needed to take my husband off that lofty pedestal I had installed him on . Also , another lesson was to never fully trust anyone so innocently , and ever again give a man so much freedom to go out with the boys or on men 's trips . My brother warned me about that , too . But , I did not listen . The freedom to engage in such activities makes it far too easy for a man to hide his cheating . I have many lady friends who never allowed their husbands such freedoms and warned me not to allow mine to have them . I scoffed but now know I was stupid to do so . I did not listen . I trusted too innocently . Also , It 's my understanding that the person who initiates a hurtful action is the one who will later suffer punitive karma as a pay back not the one who was hurt . So , even if a betrayed spouse were to make the other women 's life miserable for a time , the betrayed spouse will not suffer punitive Karma because she was simply protecting herself , not being pointlessly cruel . I do believe that Jaymie will end up married to a man who cheats on her one day . He may or may not get caught , but if she catches him , perhaps then she will call Shawn and apologize . Jaymie is very young , and despite her youth she is no where near as attractive as Shawn . Richard , really , affaired down . So sad Jaymie had an open leg policy . I seriously doubt that Jaymie will be as attHope Shawn , I 've been following your blog for the last several months now and am happy that you shared your experiences with the world . I 've been in a similar situation and can understand the healing power of releasing everything " on paper " because it allows oneself to say everything openly and thoroughly . You were put in a very unfortunate situation , and I 'm glad that you 've found your road back to happiness . Not everyone can say that after experiencing what you went through . Although you recognize some mistakes you may have made along the way , you had every right to feel angry , hurt , jealous , betrayed , etc … . and those emotions can definitely lead people to do crazy things ! ! I will , however , note that you still seem to ( understandably ) show a lot of resentment toward Jaymie , even in your closing letter to her . Once again , the focus was on her …… regardless of what you were saying in it . However , I also can see that you recognize deep down that your real beef was with Richard . It 's important to remember that Jaymie was in her early 20 's , practically still a child ( albeit one who your husband obviously found attractive and intelligent ) while it was your husband who was the real grown - up that broke a vow to you . I hope that Jaymie learns NEVER to do this with another married man in the future because she certainly wasn 't showing the makings of a quality person , but my real hope ( for your sake ) is that Richard didn 't just change his ways simply because he got caught with his last affair partner . Yes , people do often hurt the ones they love , but it 's obvious in this situation , and in all of the ones that came before the affair with Jaymie , that Richard loved himself the most . Lets just call a spade a spade . I 'm praying for your sake that he continues putting you and your marriage first , and that all of these things happened so that he could be the one who went through the biggest transformation of all . I just hate that you were the one that had to suffer the most from it . Best of luck to you boOctober 21 , 2013 at 9 : 40 PM Hope : Thanks for praying for me . We can all use a little more of that and I appreciate it . I do want to point out one issue with your comment : You might read resentment into my letter , but the intent was to express regret . The letter was TO Jaymie , but written about how I feel about myself , not her . I did add the little quip about karma , but mostly for a giggle . Jaymie has no hold on me anymore . Any residual issues I have today are with Richard and my own crazy self . It ain 't easy looking back at how broken I was , but I try to focus on the fact that I have done a pretty decent job of fixing myself . Not quite done , may never be done , but I 'm diligent and determined . So . . . not to worry ! Jaymie no longer plagues me , but I sure don 't care if karma eventually bites her in the butt either . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Susan Rubinsky : Why the kid ? Why does he have to deal with all the drama ? Selfish adults , that 's why . That is the karma twist I deplore . Others need to learn a lesson and loved ones get caught in the middle . Your WH 's karma lesson may harm his child . Brutal . So sorry for the child . Hope you are on a smooth and steady path on your Road to Happy . Hope & Hugs . Shawn The early 20s is not a child . Sorry . It so sad that society has provided an excuse for young adults to engage in negative behaviors by infantilizing them . October 22 , 2013 at 10 : 41 AM I agree with Hope . Early 20 's is very young . I still had a ton to learn at that age . I was still in college . I 'm sure Jaymie learned her lesson and will never fall for anyone married again . Let 's hope Richard has learned his lesson as well . October 27 , 2013 at 12 : 05 AM Karen Dunstan : There 's young and then there 's selfish and ignorant . 24 ain 't that young ! I had been married for 2 years at 24 . Jaymie knew being with Richard was wrong . 15 year old girls in high school beat the crap out of each other fighting over boyfriends ! ALL girls know you do not mess with a man that is otherwise attached . . . period . It ain 't rocket science . That said . . . Richard knew how to play her . No doubt . I do think he learned his lesson , but my eyes will forever be wide open . Hope & hugs , Shawn Agreeing with Shawn & BS . Early twenties may seem young , but it is certainly old enough to know better . Congrats on your 100th post ! Of all the blogs I 've read during this difficult , life - changing year , yours is the one that has helped me the most . I can 't say I got a vicarious thrill , reading about the stuff you did . . . I always feel such a mixture of things when I read your story . Empathy , pain , anger , but also , a kind of release . . . and often , you make me laugh in the midst of it all . I value the hell out of that , since laughter was in such short supply until recently . I notice I 'm laughing more again . No doubt , months of being on Zoloft and good counseling has helped with that . . . but so have you and this community of wounded - but - healing warriors . While I did very little in the way of lashing out at the OW , it wasn 't because I didn 't want to - it was more about her being the bunny boiler type and instinctively I knew that any exchange of energy would only feed her and make the problem worse . In the very beginning I said enough to scare her away , I think . . . she thought I was the passive type and I let her know she was sorely mistaken . She cares greatly about her reputation and I think she realized that a menacing / harassment / stalking charge and restraining order would not be a good thing for her . There have been many times I needed a reminder that what I must do is let the bitch whore go . . . and you have been instrumental in keeping my " angry self " in line . So once again , thank you Shawn . Your courage and honesty have been an immeasurable gift . October 30 , 2013 at 6 : 14 AM Has nothing to do with rocket science but seems more of you NOT putting more blame on richard as you should . I think of my 24 year old niece & how young she is in her looks , her thinking , her smarts and everything . . . . yes a 20 something year old should know better , not from school yard fights , more from common sense . . . however 60 year old man should know 10 times better than she . You really needs to stop focusing on her & by not focusing on her , I mean stop insulting her by name calling & all the other things you do . Take your own advice & let her go . She doesn 't have to be a bitch or a whore . It makes you look immature & bitter and you are better than that . Why don 't you ever call richard a dirty old pervert instead of calling jaymie a bitch whore . It seems more appropriate . KDunstan : There is plenty of blame to go around ! Richard holds the largest basket of blame to be sure . I lay the all the blame for his choices right at his feet and the stinking pile is as high as his ears . If it makes you feel better . . . Richard WAS a scum sucking , low life dirty rotten baby banging shit - head ! He was a lying , narcissistic pig of a man ! OR . . . maybe your looking for something like . . . Richard IS and always will be a selfish , philandering ass wipe with the morals of a penis flashing , sexual deviant ! If that 's what you wanna hear , I 'm not gonna be able to deliver . Richard WAS a cheating bastard , but now he 's not so I guess I don 't call him as many names as I do Jaymie because he has worked his cheating ass off to make amends . Maybe you don 't get it because my writing style , actually . . . my personality style , can be very sarcastic , cynical and irreverent . A favorite saying of mine is , " I know I 'm not everyone 's cup of tea . Doesn 't matter because I rather be someone 's shot of tequila anyway ! " I call Jaymie names because it 's easy and who does it hurt ? ? I do not give a feathery , bird 's butt about Jaymie so if I get a little giddy about calling her a ditzy , needy , dip shit , I 'm going to continue to take the liberty . Doesn 't make me immature . Doesn 't make me bitter . It makes me a recovering betrayed spouse with a cathartic soap box . Sorry if I disappoint you , but I like my blog just as it is . I like my life with my ex - cheating fuck - tard of a husband now , too . I love the filthy old , perv ! LOL ! Oh , crap ! Maybe I am a little immature ! Hope & Hugs , Shawn KateM : Laughter can surprise us after DDay . When we find joy in simple things again we can be sure we have made substantial progress walking our Road back to Happy . This blog is all about release . I put it out there and walk on down my Road . If it helps others walk on , too . . . that is such a HUGE bonus ! You knew to let the bitch - whore go right away ! Good for you , Sister ! It ain 't easy to keep the " angry - self " contained . You must be one very tough cookie . Thanks for your kind words . They mean a lot . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Karen Dunstan : Are you a betrayed wife ? It doesn 't sound that way . Perhaps you are the mom of a 20 year old girl who had an affair with a married man ? ? ? ? ? ? If I am wrong , I apologize , but that is what you sound like . I was a 20 year old girl once When , my married college Profs came on to me . I laughed at them . When my summer job married bosses flirted I laughed at them too . But , there were plenty of slutty women my age who targeted older married men . They tried to talk me into doing it too . I had to much intelligence , pride and self esteem to get involved with a married , mid - life crisis male . Those women knew exactly what they were doing . They liked the perks of dating an older married man . They were whores and worse prostitutes because they wanted money and knew and older man in a long time marriage was vulnerable and would spend money on them . Unless a 20 years old has a low IQ , she knows going after a married man is wrong . If your daughter went after a married man , making excuses for her will only enable her to do it again . Jaymie likely will never learn her lesson . She went after Richard for the perks . The perk was money she willing asked for and took to pay her bills . Jaymie is a whore , and a prostitute because she wanted money . By age 20 , a girl knows what a whore and a prostitute is and they don 't behave like one . Unless of course they actually are a whore and a prostitute . BTW : if you were a Betrayed spouse you would already know we have all called our spouses similar names and worse . The difference between Richard and my spouse and likely all the husband 's of the betrayed spouses here is that they were not prostitutes , because they were spending the money on the whore women who enjoyed having money spent on them . The men were not taking money . The outsider pushed for the affair , I saw the texts and emails . She was a shameless slut , hussy and money grubber . My husband laughs at her now , too . He can 't believe he fell for her ego strokes . He says when He sees her , now , he wants to puke . A mid life crisis is a November 4 , 2013 at 8 : 12 AM BS : As much as I appreciate you landing on my side of this discussion , I gotta do a little fact check here . Richard chased Jaymie like a hungry snake chases a mouse for dinner . He wined her and dined her to get her to drop her drawers . He told her everything he knew she needed to hear while handing out Benjamins . $ $ $ She ate it up . No way the affair was her idea . I think she may really have been in love with him . She is very needy and has next to no self esteem . Goes from guy to guy , never on her own for long . She was easy pickings . So . . . Richard owns the lion 's share of the blame but I still say any reasonable girl knows better than to fall for a married man . Any girl that knowingly gives it up to a man that is already in a relationship is a nothing more than a selfish piece of skanky trash . Your situation is far different from mine . Jaymie only tried begging Richard to leave me once . After he bailed on her like a bad investment , she got the message pretty quickly . I 'm the one that continued to drag her sorry ass back into our lives . That makes me nearly as simple minded as Jaymie ! ! YIKES ! I 've learned a lot . Hope she did , too . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Hi Shawn : I hear ya ' . Well , no one can say you let Richard off easy or made excuses for him . Not after reading your post to me . " A hungry snake . " What a great descriptive word picture . : ) I am glad Jaymie back off , when Richard dropped her like yesterday 's news . I am sorry you are here , anyway . I am sorry we are both here . It sucks to know our spouses cheated . No matter who is to blame . November 5 , 2013 at 9 : 21 AM Oh Shawn , I just found your blog and you give me hope , so much hope . For now I will tell you that my DD was on July 22 , 2012 . I will write more one day , but for now I must put on my happy face , go pick - up my kids from school and take them to swim practice . Thank you for your blog and thank you for giving me hope . xx L xxL : I 'm glad you found us . Sorry you had to look for us . Hope is what healing is all about . You gotta hang on to it . Hope for a better marriage . Hope for letting go of the pain . Hope for healing . Now . . . along with the hope , there 's a shit ton of work ! ! You gotta want it bad to fix what was so horribly broken . I 'm proof that you can be nearly beyond repair and find a way to walk the Road to Happy . We can have a stronger marriage after DDay . Walk with us . The path is easier when you travel with friends . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Shawn , I am really grateful I have found your blog . I am only 4 weeks post DDay , my spouse is a touring musician . I caught him 2 years ago with some inappropriate emails and I forgave him . 4 weeks ago I found out he was having an affair with his gym buddy , I refer to her as the gym rat . we live in a very small town , he brought her into our home , around our children . . . needless to say I am heartbroken and oh so angry . the entire friend circle knows and I feel like a fool . we started counseling and it is now known he has been cheating from the start of our relationship . . . quoted " sex addict " , my pastor suggested I read your blog and I am so thankful I found it . it has kept me from marching into the gym and smacking the shit out of the gym rat . . . im on the edge of crazy town and your blog saves me everyday from entering . thank you for your story , your honesty and bravery for putting it all out there . I 'm not ready to write my letter , but I just wanted you to know you have helped me . angry in az Angry in AZ : I can feel your pain through the screen ! I am so sorry you are suffering . I can only tell you , it will get easier , just not for a very long time . Healing after DDay is hard work . You have to heal yourself before you can begin to heal your marriage , if that is what you hope to do . It is so positive for you both to be in marriage counseling . Even better that you have individual counseling . You say your pastor suggested you read my blog ? ? Whoa . With all the " F " bombs I throw around , I gotta say that is surprising ! However , he is right to have you seek out others that understand your struggle . Please go to the Healing Heart online message boards . The link is on the bottom of my blog under " support & compassion found here " . The members there saved me from myself . I don 't know if Richard and I would still be together without their kind words and willingness to share their experiences . You 're already smarter than I was . You are keeping the OW out of your life ! Good for you ! Wrap yourself in the comfort of friends and be kind to yourself . if I have helped you , I am grateful for that . I care very much about my readers . I know we need each other . When we walk the Road back to Happy together , the journey is at least a little easier . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Hey Shawn , thank you for your blog . I just wanted to comment , that the ow in our case is in her mid 40s and is a mother and wife . However , when reading her texts to my husband last summer upon dday . . . i finally took an opportunity to grab his unlocked cell . . . it was as if I had been transported back to Jr high ! One would have sworn she was a 14 year old girl ! She assimilated herself to movie characters and brought up private jokes , just like a teenager . So age and maturity level are 2 entirely different things . Obviously , she knew what she was doing was wrong . She said " it was forbidden " in her texts to my husband . Apparently she is still a child , incapable of thinking about anyone else but her self . She went after my husband , who is 15 years younger than her , because , and I quote " I had a crush on him " . So much for age in years meaning anything . Btw my husband is doing everything he can to rebuild our marriage and even left his job to get away from the ow . So only in his 20s but leaps and bounds in front of her middle aged self . I identify a lot with you so much Shawn . thanks again . Jen Jen : OWs come in all shapes , sizes , ages and attitudes . The one thing they all have in common is a very weak moral compass ! The drivel written between Richard and Jaymie used to melt my heart . I took it as gospel while in Crazy Town . It took me a long time and many words of reassurance from Richard to recognize the bullshit for what it really was . . . . a means to an end . Live the lie with vigor and deep passion and it doesn 't feel so much like a lie anymore . Richard convinced himself that it was real love so he wouldn 't feel so guilty about getting laid . I think maybe even Jaymie had an agenda , too . She NEEDED attention . She craved approval . She didn 't hate the cash and other goodies either ! So glad to hear your WH is working to heal your marriage . As you walk your Road to Happy , we will be here if you need a map ! Hope & Hugs , Shawn Hi Shawn , I have just found your blog a week ago and it has given me a lot of incite , so thank you . my nightmare started 27th December 2014 , I am 18 months into this hell . A week ago I had a melt down , I was on my own in the house wallowing in misery and thought maybe if I read my diary I 've kept since this started I could work out what still hurts , what I have recovered from etc . To my disbelief I still feel the same on many issues and no more forward than I was 18 months ago . I found a letter I wrote but never sent it to the spineless online whore who wreaked havoc in my family . " It " was a fake , an online whore who reeled people into believing she was gods gift and my husband lapped it up along with several other men . I call it " it " because I am unsure whether it was a man or woman . A romance scammer who didn 't get a penny out of my husband thank god . I had great pleasure showing my husband what a fake " it " was , how a website called tineye retrieves where a picture originates , what " it " was saying to other men whilst " it " was supposedly in love with my h , I exposed " it " within a day and I am no social media expert ! Back to the point I am writing . The letter was so deeply wrote that it made me crazy , I had forgotten all about it but I still feel those things . My h disgusting childish behaviour still makes me boil with rage so much so that in my crazy moment I completely flipped , I tore up all my diary entries and the letter and chucked them all over the bedroom , I then went into the wardrobe grabbed our wedding memory box ( this affair started days before our anniversary ) and threw everything everywhere then for good measure I threw all his clothes out of the wardrobe . I believe in karma but I will never see that karma because the whore disappeared well before I found it all and that is what infuriates me I think . " It " can play sick games online anonymously and disappear without a trace . No consequences no nothing ! ! It 's not fair these people have that power and I just can 't shake that anger associated with it . So sJuly 8 , 2016 at 3 : 55 AM ( ( ( J ) ) ) : I don 't think any of us ever get " Over " this . We get " Through " this . You gotta go through it . You can 't go around it or over it . Through it takes a long time , longer for some , but you will get through it . You seem to know leaving " IT " alone is the right move . Good for you . She can not help you . She means nothing to your recovery . There are easier Roads to Happy than others . My Road began when I found the compassionate , supportive members of the Healing Heart message board . Please go to the site and join the group . You can ask anything , tell your story , rant and vent or just read and learn . The link is at the bottom of my blog . You do not have to struggle alone . Hope & Hugs , Shawn Melissa , I have spent way too much of my time and energy hating you , wishing Karma would hurry up and kick your ass . I thought I needed to watch you be punished to make myself whole again . Turns out I don 't . I need to let go of the control I have given you over my life . Don 't get me wrong , if you ever try to approach me or my family I will scream " cheating whore " at you , but I will not allow you in my thoughts and dreams anymore . I will be free of you . I am done . Shannon I started writing this blog in 12 / 11 , a little over a year past DDay . The posts are mostly chronological , beginning at the point of inital impact . I have strayed from that pattern as issues come up , but for the most part this is a story . The story of a betrayed spouse . DDay was the harsh beginning . The rest of the story is the journey , searching for my Road to Happy . Please join us . Comment , anonymously if necessary , share your stories , ask questions or just let it all out with a good rant ! Feel free to email me privately from my profile page . I wanna hear from you . I wanna learn from you . I wanna heal with you . Blogger : User Profile : shawn , the wifeLet 's beat down the beast of betrayal together . shawn , the wife Started this blog a year after I found out my husband of 30 years had an affair with a 24 year old co - ed named Jaymie . The first year after DDay was hell . Desperate to get my life back on track , I decided to tell my story . I use a little humor , too much sarcasm and a truck load of truth . Sharing the sordid details of my husband 's betrayal and my insane behavior that followed , is cleansing my soul , but I still have a long way to go . . . my soul was freakin ' filthy ! Hope & Hugs ! Had my face - off with Jaymie . Felt vindicated . Sort of . MY MAN told her she meant nothing to him . Sort of . I told her , she was a pathe . . .
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