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t3_2p6sgj | relationships | I (30/m) posted something on facebook about not celebrating Christmas for religious reason. My aunt got extremely upset | My family have know I don't believe in any religion for years. Yet I still come around and celebrate Christmas with them as a traditional thing.
I've got a few threaten from some family members over years. They would tell me I shouldn't even be around or next year they shouldn't acknowledge I exist. Usually they try to say it in joking manner.
Today my aunt totally exploded and yell at me about how I shouldn't have any part in Christmas unless I do it in Christ's name.
This piss me off! I was suppose to go down there and introduce my girlfriend (who also don't believe in any religion) to the family. I want to tell her "Guess you want to lost an nephew this year too" (My sister passed away few months ago)
But don't know if this would be a good idea... | Aunt got upset because I made it known I don't celebrate Christmas for religion reason. She chewed me out over it. |
t3_3lsxd3 | relationships | Me and Partner (both late twenties) How do you know if marriage is for you/ if you're ready for it? | Me and my partner have been dating for about 6 years, within the last few years we've been asked when we're looking to get married. It hasn't really bothered either of us- we've talked at length about us, what marriage means, our parents' marriages, etc. but something has been bothering me lately: how do you know if you're ready for marriage or if marriage is the right choice for you?
Lately I've been rethinking about it, simple matching jewelry seems nice and a party with people we love seems nice too, but lately my health has been up and down- I'd want my partner to have power of attorney, be able to visit me in the hospital if it ever came to that. We've always been on the same page; marriage later in life/not seeing it as important, no kids, similar active lifestyle- how do I bring this up with them?
We had a long conversation in the car a few months ago; we are serious about each other and see a future but is marriage that important? Just kind of want to hear other people's views as a way to initiate the conversation with my partner. | Health issues are scaring me, making me rethink about marriage, how do you know if it's for you/when you're ready? |
t3_1u8kr1 | relationships | I [21M] introduced my best friend [20F] to a group of other friends | Hi !
Something like 3 years ago, I met a girl in a club thanks to a close friend [F] of mine. We became friends and continued to meet regularly during the next times; Since 2 years I easily consider her my best friend, we share a lot of things in common and nearly know everything about each other. It's someone I can really count on and the opposite is true too.
I also have that group of friends I am with at university; I mainly see them during courses but we also play a lot of online games together. Approx. 1 year ago, I introduced my best friend to them, everything went good. Now she also works near our place so we regularly all eat together.
But there's something that bothers me more and more. She seems to enjoy more and more the time with them than with me. She has a more opened personnality than me so she easily make news friends and people also tend to be easily attached to her. Now I feel like my university group of friends is more attached to her than me, and that she is more into them too. And it hurts me.
I've already talked with her about this but in a more stealthed way that I described here. I told her that some things between her and them were bugging me and she assured me she still considers me as best friend, but the fact that she sees my friends way less often than me makes it more enjoyable for both.
I know this sounds childish but I'm kind of an emotional person and I attach a lot of importance to people I feel really close to. I think I also need these people to descharge myself emotionally. She helped me a lot during all these years and I'm really tied to her, I don't really imagine what losing that freindship would do to me.
And now I don't really know what to do. Should I even do something about this ? Or just let things happen ? | Introduced best friend to a group of other friends. She seems to be more attached to them than to me. It hurts me. |
t3_10b1uy | AskReddit | What is the weirdest thing you've ever witnessed someone do? | I'm sure mine will be topped, but I'll still give it a go.
Back in third grade there was this one weird kid who was in all my classes. (There's always that one weird kid) Anyways, one day, I suppose he was sick, he asked if he could go to the nurse's office because he wasn't feeling well. The teacher refused to let him go because there was only ten or so minutes left in class and she thought he'd be fine for the remaining ten minutes. Boy, was she wrong.
Soon after refusing to let him leave to go the the nurse's, he proceeds to open his desk, take out his folder, vomit in his folder, close the folder, put the folder back in his desk, and walk out of the room casually. What makes it even better is that it was the end of the day. While he was walking out the door he turned around and vomited at the entrance and walked to the nurse's office. Nobody could leave because the exit of the classroom was covered in vomit so we had to wait until a janitor came and cleaned it up.
To this day, I still don't know what happened to that folder and whatever other things that were in his desk. | A kid in my class in third grade vomited in a folder that he then put back in his desk and trapped us in the room with his puke. |
t3_14g81e | AskReddit | Reddit, have you tried to be wingman/wingmom only to have it go horribly wrong? | For example,
My girlfriend and I were at a new bar/restaurant that opened in town. We were having drinks, and our waiter would come over pretty often to check up on us. I'm thinking it's because he wanted to know if we were going to order any food. He was very friendly, (and attractive) and even sat down next to us to talk for a few minutes.
I'm engaged, and my friend is single. So I'm trying to be a good Wingwoman and tell this guy how great my friend is. At the end of the night he brings the receipt, and his name is Scott. So I just write "Scottie the Hottie! Whoooo!"
OK, so looking back, that was probably the dumbest thing I could write on there, but my friend is shy, so I just wanted to write something to get his attention. We were also having a good time, and were tipsy, So I was trying to semi-embarass her.
So we leave, and the next day she texts me and says,
"Guess. Who. I just sat down to drink with?" (last night)
"Who? Scottie the Hottie?" (responded the next morning)
"Yeeeees..... HE'S MARRIED!!! Omg. Dying. They made fun of me all night."
"Omg! I hope you told him it was me."
"I did, he may or may not have believed it."
Needless to say I felt horrible. And the most ironic thing about this is the WHOLE time I meant to ask if he was single, and I kept forgetting even though he came to the table ten times. /")_-;;; | Tried to be a good Wingwoman, wrote dumb message to guy for friend while tipsy. Guy turns out to be married. Wingwoman fail. |
t3_1kh7a4 | relationships | (16/f) want to start talking to this boy(~16/m), circumstances makes it difficult. | first off, I'm sorry if this is wrong place to post because it's not really a relationship, but i want to start a relationship. also I apologise for any spelling/grammar mistakes I've missed. I'm on my phone and it's hard to fix little mistakes on here! :p
anyways, i started going to this tutoring place once a week with my brother. on my first day, they placed me to sit beside this boy. he smiled and waved at me when I came in and left and then there were butterflies. I really just want to talk to him and know his name.
However, this place is strict and serious about education and there are dividers in between each desk. my older brother isn't seated very far away and could hear me if i tried to talk to this boy. he's not exactly protective over me but I feel like it would be awkward for him to hear me trying to start a conversation with this boy. I don't think I'd feel comfortable with my brother hearing me anyways. there are also the teachers who walk around and help us with our work, and I'd rather them not know I fancy this boy. I can't really talk to him after classes because my brother is with me, in a rush to go home and I don't want to tell him about this because we don't talk about this stuff and it would be awkward. I only see this boy once a week and I need to talk to him before summer ends because then I'll probably never see him again LOL. I sound like a typical teenager haha. Honestly I'm never like this and I'm actually kind of shocked at myself. I'm so intrigued with this boy and I don't even know his name.
how can I talk to him? I was thinking of slipping him my number on a piece of paper but that seems so flirty but i dont want to come off too strong, i just want to get to know him first. advice? | can't talk to this boy I fancy because my brother and teachers are always around. how do I go about talking it to him? |
t3_3vm4ip | relationships | Me (29m) with my gf (28f), discussing marriage, she doesn't want to change her last name because of her heritage. | My girlfriend has a last name that is a very common hispanic last name. For instance, Garcia. I have a very obviously white last name.
I am not at all saying that I "demand" her to change her last name. She posed the idea that I could take her name instead. But I am in a field where I'm likely to publish research papers. She's in a field where she is on the path to publishing fiction.
She cried for a little while tonight when I told her I don't think I'd like to change my name. It wasn't a big deal cry, more like misting up, but she did say that she was sad she doesn't think we are going to be able to "share" a family name. I felt sad too, honestly.
If it wasn't for the science publishing, I would be more than happy to take her her last name. But she said she doesn't know if she could ever take my name because she feels it would be erasing an obvious link of her heritage.
For some background, she is white passing. Most people don't see her as hispanic. They often times don't believe her. But she is, and it's a huge deal to her, and I don't have that kind of connection, so I understand.
We are not having kids, so that is not an issue or concern.
Is there any solution to this that we don't see? | GF and I are coming up against some issues with our last names, heading into marriage. We're not sure how to handle it, or if there are any ideas we haven't though of yet. |
t3_2p92sw | offmychest | my life is a mess. 100k debt. unethical therapist in past. lawyers can't or won't help me. | my life is a mess. 100k debt. unethical therapist in past. lawyers can't or won't help me.
i have almost 100,000 dollars in debt and it just growing because of interest..
i have a graduate degree in a field i'm not really interested in.
i'm in my 30's.
i was pressured into getting this degree by a therapist who was my coach and therapist (that is called a dual relationship). that is against the ethical code. the term "undue influence" is the term in the ethical code that is related to why "dual relationships" are considered unethical.
he was my coach and therapist for about 7 years. i saw him for therapy for about 10 years since i was about fifteen and finally had the guts to get myself out when i was about 25.
I could file a complaint against him but it won't really help me solve my problems and might just make the problems worse.
i though that'd i'd be doing a lot better for myself at this time in my life.
I'm under employed but don't really want to use my degree.
I'm not sure if i am just not taking on enough responsibility for my own problems or just being a victim.
I try and keep trying to solve these problems but it feels like that they do not let up and don't really get much worse but also don't really get much better either.
I've talked with about 10 lawyers and non are significantly able or wiling to help me.
I'm stopping typing now because it is too distressing to think about all of this. | my life is a mess. 100k debt. unethical therapist in past. lawyers can't or won't help me. not sure what to do. |
t3_1oi1a4 | AskReddit | Wiser Redditors, is it too late for me (a broke college grad) to turn my life around and start living? | I am a 26 year old female living at home with my mother and stepfather in America with roughly $70,000 worth of student debt. I have a Bachelors of Science in Art Education.
For now, I have only found work through substitute teaching (and other oddsnends type work) and it truly sucks. All my income goes to outstanding debts (~$2,000) from when I was living on my own right out of college (December 2010-2013), as well car insurance, phone bill and the student loans I can afford.
Lately I've been considering going back to school for something in the medical feild, but I have some obvious concerns...
I am unsure of how much aid I will get given I am squatting at my parents house presently, so maybe I should wait until after I move out? That is if I can ever afford to!
Also, while I love learning, get good grades (graduated University with honors) and would like to have a steady career, is it reckless/too risky getting myself further in debt with the hopes of snagging a secure job? I figured it could help defer my payments for a bit longer at least... The currents state of the government though makes me very concerned...
I know I'm not alone, but being in this predicament is really making me feel depressed. I am living paycheck to paycheck. I constantly feel like I'm taking two steps forward and three steps back. I honestly don't know where I'll be in 5 years and sometimes the idea of ending it all seems very appealing (dramatic I know, I'd be too chicken to go through with it).
I guess what I'm asking you Reddit, is **what would you do in my position?** Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? | Typical college-grad not sure where to go with all of this debt. Wants to further education but is it unwise? |
t3_2rzmph | tifu | TIFU by not wearing underwear all day | Throwaway account, obviously. This one is rather short as I'm on mobile and I don't really feel like writing an essay, and may not be much of a fuck up as the ending might not be what you expected, but I thought it was kinda silly and felt like sharing it. So here you go. And also I'm a guy just to clear that up. Slightly NSFW I guess?
Well, I woke up on wednesday as every other person on this planet, and I went to take a shower, and basically did my morning routine. After showering I realized I didn't have any clean underwear to wear that day (seems I had forgotten to run the washing machine yesterday), and yes, I sleep naked. I eventually figured out I could just put on jeans and strap a belt around to prevent it from falling or whatever, no problem. So yeah. Apart from being a bit strange at work by avoiding others and trying to hide myself to prevent any sort of disaster, even having my hands in my pocket just in case, everything went fine. As work ended I went home and everything was cool. It had been a bit uncomfortable wearing it so tight the entire day, but no disaster happened, and I was fine with that. So when I was gonna take off the pants and put on some clean underwear, I then proceeded to unzip my pants, which didn't work very well. Turns out the zipper had gotten stuck into my tousled jungle. As lazy as I am, and as my girlfriend doesn't care, I never shave down there. So, I tried to unzip in every way possible. Nothing worked, my curly pubic hair had just curled into it. After no luck this amazing idea of pulling hard came into my head. So I pulled hard. Trying not to focus on the extreme pain I just zipped down all the way quickly to make it quick. I now am typing this from my bed with a reverse hitler-haired crotch. I might shave the rest of it tomorrow. | went without underpants for a whole day, got my pubic hair stuck in zipper. Painfully removed half of it as I unzipped. |
t3_3fnuap | tifu | TIFU by burning my hand on a microwave burger | This might not be the most interesting story and the title might be a bit vague but I'll try to explain.
I was hungry and decided that I should cook one of the microwave burgers that are ready in 50 seconds because I'm lazy and it's something quick and easy to make.
On the packaging it claims that after 50 seconds the box should make a "bop" sound and then you know its ready.
After 50 seconds there was no sound so I decided I'll leave it in there for another few minutes so its cooked properly, this was a mistake.
After around 3 minutes I thought it is enough and I took it out (I didn't want an undercooked burger so I left it there for a bit longer).
As I opened the box, there's all the hot steam coming out of the box and my hand gets burnt and it hurt like hell.
Never put a burger in the microwave for too long and expect it to be okay if you try to open it. | Put burger for too long in microwave, opened it, burnt my hand horribly, now wondering how much of an idiot I am. |
t3_4ejg4q | Dogtraining | my dog peed on my bed...again | So it happened again tonight, for about the 5th or 6th time. Shes a 50 lb boxer / lab mix, very playful, and is house trained. We leave her out during the day while we are at work and no accidents. I took her outside 30 minutes prior to discovering her accident.
The only thing my fiance and I can think of is she does this when she isnt getting a enough attention or that when we play with her later at night it gets her excited and she has to go. This has only seemed to happen when weve had a lot of guests over and dont spend as much time with her or whenever we play with her after dark. Any idea why she may be doing this? | dog keeps peeing in my bed and i was wondering if anyone knows of some common reasons why this may happen so we can stop the habit. |
t3_1yyf13 | loseit | Teenager that found himself in a ditch, now I have to dig myself out. One scoop at a time. | Hello, I'm Elijah and I'm a 5'6" 238lbs 15 year old male teenager from the northeast and I want to lose weight.
I'll start with what I'm currently doing. Through 3 months of calorie counting plus religious gym visits I have managed to lose 12 pounds!
I want to lose more mainly for the disgust I feel in me by looking in a mirror or getting in the shower, or when I walk in the hall and feel like everyone's looking at me, laughing at me. After deep depression I finally work up and got my ass in gear and then 3 months later, here I am.
I feel as though my current course of action will bring me o my goal, but wanted to be part of a community that feels the same way.
Goals are simple right now but more will be added by suggestion I assume. In exactly 1 year I will be going on a mission trip to help Guatemalan children learn more math, geography, history, language etc. Though At an even fatter me could fit in a airplane seat I want to treat that as my long term goal.
Short term includes me loosing my moobs, (which are quite large) for the summer, add dropping a pant and shirt size. I have quite a lot of friends at the campground I work at and want to impress them with how dedicated to this I am.
To why I am this large? Lifestyle and poor choices. I lived in a family where it's normal to have a whole pizza for yourself. I lived at the campground I now work at so pizza and candy with near endless shlushies was always in supply. I had no self control and no one to check how much I was taking in. As mentioned above It started with depression for multiple rejections from many crushes I wanted to give up. After a couple of weeks of crying to sleep and generally being sad I nearly well, you get it.
But I'm still alive, and now I only know I can change things for myself. I hope to make that and want all the help I can get. | 5'6" 238 lost 12lbs already with gym/calorie counting hoping to join a community of like minded individuals. |
t3_4h5fcs | relationships | Me[28M] with my boss[50sM] of 10 years, I turned down a "promotion" and now he's targeting me | I've been with the same company for 10 years. My boss has moved me around a lot and I've basically turned everything that I've touched into gold. (I'm capable and willing whereas most other people are not, so I shine).
I've been in the same position for 5 years now (staff/hourly) and he offered me a supervisor/salary position. I make $44k now (based on my wage x 2080 hours/year) and he offered me $50k salary. He also said I'd ONLY be doing the supervisor duties and WOULD NOT continue doing ANYTHING that I am responsible for now. The next week he retracted the raise and said the position would pay exactly the same (except I'd probably be working at least 50 hours/week instead of 40) and I'd still be responsible for doing all the duties I already do. I'd essentially be responsible for 2 completely different jobs and would not get paid for the inevitable overtime. I politely declined the offer on the spot.
He re-offered me the position and I told him that "it would be a terrible idea for me to do that. That the position would not benefit me in any way and I'd actually lose money (theoretically since I'd be working more hours for the same pay) by taking this position. He offered me the job a third time and told me "It isn't about what's best for you, it's about what's best for the company".
Well fast forward a couple months of me doing the same job that I previously had. He comes into my office and tells me "You've changed. You're reactive and not proactive like you used to be" when in reality I have been excluded from weekly management meetings that I used to attend. He told me "I can replace you in a second".
Now I know what I have to do but it's hard. I've been here for a long time and I've got a lot of connections with people here. I'm very good at what I do but my skills are not exactly transferrable to other companies. I also make a decent wage for my area and for not having a degree. Help! | Turned down a salary position because it was a terrible offer and now my boss hates me and told me he could "replace me in 1 second". |
t3_1wpebk | relationships | [21,F] trying not to over think potential relationship with [25,M]. | So I met this guy a couple weeks ago downtown with my friends. We hit it off instantly and spent a good hour talking/dancing and I gave him my number. He texted me the next day and we chatted back and forth and he set a date to get drinks the next day. He picked me up and it was great, we talked for 4 hours and then made plans to see each other again. Our second date was great as well and I was really excited about this potential relationship.
I texted him a couple days later asking if he wanted to get together sometime this week and he was really eager which was great but he's not really a planner while I am. We made plans for Tuesday but he ended up bailing because he had to stay late at his lab and then he rescheduled for Wednesday and then bailed again using his lab as an excuse again. I tried to be understanding and he felt really bad and said he owed me one and we would definitely get together later this week
I figured he would have texted me on Thursday to make plans for the weekend but he didn't and he didn't text me all today either. So I just texted him asking if he wanted to come over tomorrow (Saturday) and he hasn't texted me back after several hours. I'm really trying not to over think this and I could use some tips on how to deal with this/ if I'm just reading too much into it… | Me and guy have two great dates, bails twice on third date and hasn't responded to my invite for tomorrow's date. |
t3_ulsru | AskReddit | I'm very bad at calming people down when they are in an emotional spiral. Right now my mother is very upset and suicidal. What should I do? | My parents had a fight this morning.
To explain the situation here is some background info: My mother is a woman who listens to her husband no matter what. She's very emotional, in that she gets upset very quickly but doesn't say anything in return and just keeps quiet no matter what anyone keeps telling her. She always does things for the family's best interest. My father is very ungrateful and takes her for granted. My mother really does everything in her power to keep her husband and kids happy. But my father, he is always shouting at everyone. No matter what you do he finds fault. He has a very big ego and I would go so far as to say he is a big douchebag. The mightiest of them all.
Now my mother is very upset, locked herself in her room. Before which she was weeping and telling me how she plans on killing herself. I had no idea what to tell her. I just listenend and told her how it was stupid and she was running away from her problems but all it resulted in was "I'm sorry your mother is a coward" after which she went into her room and locked the door. I told her not to, stood in the way but then she said "Let me live in peace for one day!", which kinda made me feel bad and I stepped back, letting her close the door.
I really dont know what to do at this point. I've talked to my father and he's saying that she's overreacting and being irrational. He is in his office right now.
So what do I do now reddit? | Mother upset because father doesn't treat her well. Now she locked herself in her room and is crying. Before that, she told me about her schemes of kicking the bucket. |
t3_4wi0g5 | relationships | Me [22M] with my GF [22F] of 10 months. She brought up a sex story and thought I was the man in the story. I wasn't. Red flag or no? | Me and my girlfriend are currently in a long distance relationship for the summer. We're only really able to see each other every couple weeks for now.
A couple days before a planned visit, we were talking about how horny we were. Of course, this turned into a conversation on all the things we wanted to do to each other. We weren't going to have the most privacy at her house for the weekend, so I brought up the possibility of car sex. I jokingly said something along the lines of "We should totally do it, since we haven't yet."
She replied "But we have?"
I said "You're right, I guess you did give me road head a while ago."
She then said "Well, yeah. But what about that time in the parking lot?"
I responded "What time?"
She continued "In the parking lot behind 7/11? You don't remember? It was a lot of fun.."
I have never done anything like this with her.
So I responded "I think you're remembering the wrong person."
She said "OMG! This is so awkward. I don't know how I made that mistake. I'm so sorry!!!"
Not really sure what to make of this. I'm 99% sure she wouldn't cheat on me (various experiences we've gone through). But at the same time, it kind of stings.
Thoughts? | Girlfriend made the mistake of bringing up a past sexual memory and thought I was a part of it. I wasn't. |
t3_3dcsir | relationships | My [28M] girlfriend [25F] has been depressed. I suggested counselling, and now she accuses me of not really loving her. | My girlfriend of 10 months goes through bouts of depression, and I've posted on here before under a throwaway on how I could be there for her. I've gotten a lot of good feedback, saying that I suggest counselling. I did that, and now she is convinced that I don't really care about her and instead am trying to fix her.
I don't know what to do anymore. I assured her I loved her, but she is constantly finding excuses to push me away. She comes from a rough past, and has little self-confidence and is terrified about being hurt again. For the most part, our relationship is great until this insecurity rears it's head.
I suggested counselling not because I'm trying to fix her, but because of the opposite: I love her, see how bad her depression is hurting her and us, and DON'T WANT TO BE IN THAT CO-DEPENDENT ROLE! I want to be there for her but I don't know what to do anymore. She seems to use anything when she goes through these bouts to push me away, which I understand is what happens in depression.
It just really hurts me a lot because I feel so helpless, and I love her more than anything, and having her accuse me of not loving her and just with her because I feel sorry for her (which I don't at all) is just so incredibly hurtful and painful.
I don't want to break up. I want this to work and I want a future with this girl I love. But I don't know what to do. Anyone who's been in this situation or been the depressed person, please give me some insight because I'm so confused. I try really hard to just be there and to not be co-dependent by suggesting counselling, and that blows up in my face. | I suggested counselling to my girlfriend for her depression that has been affecting us, and now she thinks I'm just trying to "fix" her. I don't know what to do anymore. |
t3_2gy2qr | tifu | TIFU by telling my girlfriend I love her | Just for clarification purposes, this is a long distance relationship and we only see each other every 2 weeks or so, however we do Skype every single night.
We had been seeing each other for about a month so far. And last night, as we were ending a Skype call, we were both tired and talking to each other sensually and quietly. I had been really tired and I was feeling very lovesick from conversations prior to this. I felt like for some damn reason, I just had to get it out. When we ended the Skype call, I quickly said "Love you." Part of me meant it the other part wasn't sure because it was tired. Then soon after that, we keep texting each other in bed and start talking about the fact I said this. She didn't seem upset but said it was a huge step. So then I texted her "At this point I don't care if you feel the same way back, I just had to get it out." So then she stops answering and I assume she just fell asleep. So now I'm here at 8 in the morning, hoping she'll text me back or something. I know, I'm a huge pussy and dumbass for trying to be quick about it in the first place. She is my first girlfriend and I fear I may have already ruined our relationship. | I'm a pussy and said I love you really quickly at the end of a Skype call and now I'm lying in bed hoping our relationship is still in tact. |
t3_ze0vo | relationships | So I'[m] the problem with my relationship. | Ok, short and sweet. I have a girlfriend and she means the world to me. I love her with everything and I hope someday I marry this girl. She's everything. Our relationship is awesome. We never really "fight", we argue and disagree and stuff but we don't get into screaming matches. Sex is fantastic and families like each other. In other words this relationship is awesome.
But there is one problem,me. I am the worst part of our relationship. Let me give you an example. For the past few weeks she has been training at her new job to be an RA at her school.(O,btw 21 and 19. Been together for 3 years. Anyway back to the story) Now this is new to her and me and we didn't know what to expect. I've barely talked to her or seen her for this amount of time. We spend all our free time together so this absence is really hard on both of us.
Now I'm more emotional then she is and this really got to me. I started thinking if this was going to be the way it was for the whole year.I come over, we have tired sex, she passes out on the bed and then she has to wake up, shoo me out to do another one of her 10 jobs besides being an RA. I've always been supportive but I feel like I'm needy and that I need someone to be there with me a lot. I confronted her about all this and she just started crying and getting all upset because it was so out of the blue and she feels like it is her fault when I know that it is mine for sure.
So I ask what do I do? I don't know if I can change, what I really need it better management on how to handle myself so it doesn't hurt her. | I'm a whiny bitch and I don't want to be anymore. It may hurt my relationship. Help me. |
t3_2v5qzm | AskReddit | People of Reddit, when is it the time to grow up? | I want to have fun in life, get the most of it. I do want someone who knows how to have fun and don't judge that much or not at all. I do want a SO but thats least of my things I want. I fear that I will learn that I may not have the adventurous life I always wanted to have. I fear that I may grow up and learn life the hard way, yet I still want to get the most of life. We are on this earth temporarily and I am finishing up my high school years and I lived ongoing with no regrets.
I want to live life and get the most of it before I kick the bucket. | Love life but also wondering when is it the time to grow up and put childish thoughts away, also what do you consider "growing up?" |
t3_30mpkt | personalfinance | Could pay cash for a car, but leveraging 1.49% financing on some of it would allow me to pay off higher interest rate student loans. Is this a good idea? | I recently sold a car I was making payments on. The $400 monthly payment was well within my budget, but with $10,000 cash budgeted to be on hand (after paying off the lien) I should be able to buy something basic yet reliable to fit my needs... instead of my wants with the previous car. I'd like to build up my emergency savings further, and begin investing for the future.
The only debts I have are student loans. I graduated in December of 2008, and began paying these back the following June. Using minimum payments (Yes I know, but my income used to be hit or miss) I'm on track to pay everything off in June of 2019. These are the remaining loan balances with their interest rates.
6.80% - $552.27
6.00% - $1364.93
5.25% - $1300.83
4.80% - $2465.39
4.80% - $1703.25
4.80% - $794.37
3.75% - $1286.10
Total - $9467.14
My monthly payment on these are $218.90 with 50 months left.
My questions is, are there any reasons not to borrow say $5,000 for the car at 1.49% interest, and only put $5,000 down cash? The remaining $5,000 could knock out my 6.8%, 6%. 5.25%, and a chunk of my 4.8% loans.
For the 1.49% interest rate I'd need to have a maximum loan payment time of 36 months, but increasing my monthly payment (regardless of using the auto loan to help) isn't a problem for my budget.
I'd love the thoughts and opinions of others on doing this. Since I plan on paying the loans down faster regardless are there any downsides here? Would the interest saved be worthwhile?
Also, with the lien I realize I have to carry full coverage insurance, but I would already be doing this. | Should I use a 1.49% auto loan rate to use less cash on a vehicle to in turn pay off higher interest student loans? |
t3_tessa | AskReddit | Reddit, what makes you ashamed of your countrymen/women? | So, I recently realized that some people hold that view that swedish men are "queery" and such, popular culture often makes Swedish men look douchy and ridiculous, wearing spraytan and hairextensions and whatnot, since the swedish population is mainly centered in the south, that is the part of Sweden people think of then they think Sweden (lol unintentional tounge-twister), living in the North in a small town, being of the swedish incarnation of hillbillies I just cannot relate to them and proceed to feel ashamed.
I realize this is not how all swedes are, its just that people might get the wrong view, nor that this is the view that every foreigner holds.
Also swedes are really unpleasant when playing online games, pulling bad mama-jokes and insulting you until one wants to throw bricks at them.
All countries of course have much to be proud of, no question, but you get my drift.
My question is, what stereptype/profane behaviour/image of your countrymen/women makes you slightly or incredibly ashamed to be associated with them? | Swedes are sometimes stereotyped as skinny Jersey Shore type of men, what makes you feel ashamed of your countrymen? |
t3_1v7gpv | relationships | My (20m) girlfriend (19f) is still "friends" with her rapist/ex-bf | My girlfriend of 4 months and friend of 1 year still talks to her ex-boyfriend who raped her repeatedly while she slept for 3 years (she woke up but he overpowered her/she froze up). This really upsets me and is the biggest issue in our relationship to me, but she wants to ignore it.
She says her mind blocks out the memories of it, even though she knows it happened because otherwise she would be an emotional wreck again. She wants to be her ex's "friend" because he was a good friend in the past. She says that she can't hate him and if she cuts him out of her life it will only remind her of what happened. She wants to give him another chance to be her "friend".
I know for sure she will NOT cheat on me though; she is not like that. She just has lots of self esteem issues, doesn't want to face reality, and lets people walk all over her. I'm trying to help her and she is worth it, so please don't just tell me to ditch her.
all the details of the story are here: **it is quite long though so don't feel obligated to read it. | Gf says she is committed to me but refuses to cut her rapist ex-bf out of her life because that would trigger her bad memories. She doesn't seem to want to get therapy or anything. What should I do? |
t3_54pzdw | relationships | My [23f] friend [23f] thinks I'm in love with her. I have no idea why and it's making things weird. | Throwaway because friends know my Reddit.
"Katie" and I been friends for five years and live on opposite coasts. She was supposed to visit me last week but cancelled last minute and didn't really explain why. A mutual friend mentioned (when I brought up what had happened casually) that Katie thinks I'm in love with her. I have no idea where this is coming from.
It's pretty simple: I don't have romantic feelings for Katie and am not sure where this is coming from! Part of the issue may be that I date women (so does Katie), but none of my other female friends have ever jumped to the conclusion that I'm in love with them. Katie and I used to flirt when we were drunk, but it's been years since those shenanigans, and I have no idea why that would be relevant to our relationship now, when it was never an issue then.
My main issue is how do I address this with Katie? I really value her friendship, but I am not attracted her, and have no idea where she's getting this impression. Could the fact that we're both LGBTQ be influencing her perception? Since she's already uncomfortable about this, I don't want to make it more uncomfortable, but if there's a friendship to be salvaged I'd like to know. | My friend apparently thinks I'm in love with her (I'm not). Should I find out why? What should I do after? |
t3_2nmjmv | relationships | I [25M] want to connect with my brother [16M] but don't know how. | Hello r/relationships,
My brother and I didn't always get along when we were kids. I would yell at him for messing with my stuff (we shared a room), exclude him when I was with my friends, etc. But at the end of the day we loved each other.
My parents have been divorced for a year due to my dad's infidelity. From the beginning of the divorce process I was worried about the toll it would take on my brother. He handled it with all of the grace of a 14/15 year old boy.... when my dad came to visit they were close to blows, police were called, etc.
My brother now lives with my mom, stepdad and 6 (yeah, I know lol) other kids. He is best friends with his stepbrother and seems to have plenty of support. I am very proud of him because he is very smart and is well balanced in spite of all of the stress.
All of that being said, when I visit or text him the conversation feels forced and unnatural. We share some common interests (computers, video games) but,
[ | ] talking to him about anything else takes effort, and he never tries to contact me. I want to be there for him if he needs to talk to someone. How do I build a relationship with him? |
t3_31943y | relationships | I (25/M) don't know if I'm overreacting to my new girlfriend (21/F) and her roommate (21/F) mocking me through classroom doodles. | I've been dating my girlfriend Brianna (21/F) for a couple of months now. Up until today she's been pretty respectful of me aside from the occasional moments when we're sarcastically bantering back and forth.
Early this afternoon I received a couple of text messages from my girlfriend saying "Good thing Sara has been entertaining me" with pictures attached. The pictures were crudely drawn doodles of me shirtless or naked mocking something I said or our actual relationship itself. They appeared to be drawn in the margins of some notes. Now I'm all for a bit of ridiculous fun every now and then, especially when stuck in class for hours on end, but I feel like this is being done at my expense. Maybe I'm overreacting...
New relationships tend to be fragile things so I don't really know how to bring this up with her without sounding like I'm blowing it out of proportion. I sent a message back saying "That was pretty rude" and politely cancelled our evening plans for the night. I'm unsure if I should escalate this and bring this up to her in a serious manner or just blow it off. | Girlfriend and her roommate were doodling pictures of me that I considered somewhat disrespectful. How do I handle this without looking like a psycho? |
t3_29lgpb | tifu | TIFU by trying marijuana | This actually happened a few months back, but I thought it might be a fun story to share.
My friend had gotten his hands on some "Lemon Haze" and said that we we're going to smoke it together.
So we get together in a group of four guys and smoke about 3-4g.
At first it was all fun and games. I was wrong on a math problem ( I thought 1/5 was the same as a half )
So we argued and laughed as I slowly realized that I was wrong. Then we got out and went for a stroll, where one of my friends kept mocking me with difficult questions about biology and math, so I ended up feeling exhausted and just wanted to eat. But alas, the stores had closed, so we smoked another joint and headed home.
This is where it gets crazy:
As soon as I entered the house, I thought that my legs was moving by themselves, and I screamed to my friends that my legs was kidnapping me. But when I had walked about 3 meters I just crash down on the floor crying. Two of my friends wanted me to calm down, whilst the biology/math friend just kept pushing my limits. He took my hat of my head and gave me another one, witch was black. I screamed full throat "No, not this hat" and threw it across the room and he tossed it back towards me, therefore I thought the hat was going to kill me so I pushed it away with two hands in a cup form.
At this point they advised me to sit down on the couch, but I cried out "I can't reach the couch" as I was making an effort to stretch my arm out 4 meters towards the couch.
It all ended up with one of my friends getting my other friend to shut up, and guiding me to the couch where I rested until I was calm enough to go to the bedroom ( witch we all shared ) | I got high and tripped balls. 2 of my friends tried to help me and one just laughed at my misery. |
t3_4wql26 | relationships | Me [21 M] with my Gf [20 F] of three years, coexistence gone wrong. | Hello, thanks in advance for reading this.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, and we moved to an apartment in town a couple of days ago , due to economical reasons ,and it turned out to be really problematic. Trying to summarize the situation, we come from different backgrounds, I have been living by my own since I turned 18, and I'm half time a teacher, half time pursuing my career as a musiscian. As you can imagine I don't have much time aviable. On the other hand it's the first time my gf parts ways from his parents . She has helped me setting up the apartment but basically she has zero life skills. Anyways, that's not the main problem, because I guess we all learned it the hard way. What botheres me is her 'high schooler' attitude. She just studies a couple of hours a week and doesn't cook because she assumes eventually I will do it, doesn't wash the dishes, even if she eats a candy she will just throw the wrapper on the floor.I have tried to tell her to clean after herself, but somehow, the discussion always end up on me not being appreciative on her efforts, and always figghts fire with fire, saying I would leave the lights on , etc. I find it really difficult to communicate with her, and don't feel supported at all.
What should I do?. | Problems sharing space with my girlfriend because she won't clean her own mess, and is reluctant to help me with the chores. |
t3_281w2h | relationships | Me [00 M/F] with my ___ [00 M/F] duration, short-description | Me [30F] with my SO [29M], been together a year. He had a bitter breakup with his ex about a year before we started dating. (She broke up with him, he was devasated).
She has started texting him again recently. He did not tell me this, I checked his phone yesterday. Can't explain it but had a bad feeling. He's lied about random inconsequential things before, long story.
Anyway, looks like it started innoccous, work related stuff (we all work at the same place, but in varied departments...he and I don't see each other during the day b/c we're in different buildings, but they work in the same building and see each other somewhat often). She's clearly been reaching out to him trying to be friendly again. She even offered to take him out for a beer, he did not respond. In fact, it looks like his texts were very appropriate up a day ago when he randomly texts her talking about old times, saying it seems like forever ago, etc, remember this and that, etc. She wrote back something along the lines of yeah, wasn't that fun, etc. It ended there and went back to work stuff.
They haven't texted often (maybe 4 or five interactions over the last 5 or 6 months) but this last one from him kind of threw me. No other problems in our relationship. He seems to be very in love with me and is generally a really good partner. | Boyfriend texting ex about old times, but I only know b/c I snooped. Is this a red flag and should i say anything? |
t3_2imkv2 | relationships | Me [18F] with my ex [19M] almost 2 years, I broke up with my ex over a week ago, what is a normal recovery? | Hey everyone
First post, so excuse if this comes off strange at any point!
I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years. We were in a long-distance, long-term relationship. He was my first, and I certainly did (and still do) love him very much. I know that this was the right decision for me, and for us, as I felt like I was dragging out a breakup and it wasnt fair to either of us.
Since we broke up I've certainly been more moody/sad than usual, and I really want to get in touch with him, but I don't have the "wow I lost the best thing in my life" moment... Maybe I haven't really realized that it's over and expect us to talk again sometime soon...(I can't stop thinking or talking about him)
Today was supposed to be our 2 year anniversary, and I did get upset but I'm not completely depressed and crying all day (as I expected of myself).. Is that normal?
I even feel attracted to a couple of guys at university... even though I know I'm not ready for a relationship...
My general question is, what is a normal recovery process? Am I just repressing my feelings? Am I in denial? How "should" I be feeling? Are mixed feelings normal?
Thank you in advance for your advice everyone. :) | how to get over a breakup? what's a normal recovery process? (long distance, long term, first love) |
t3_1dcqa2 | dating_advice | I'm an international student [23F] with no relationship experience before , and I'm not sure what relationship it is between me and an American guy [24]. Please help me figure out... | I'm an international student [23F], and I never had a relationship before. I met the guy [24] seven months ago, and I like him and admire him. He is very smart, talented and interesting. We have many common interests. I told him my feeling to him two months ago, but he said he just saw me as a good friend. I thought it was okay to be friends with him.
However, last week I visited his place and we spent a night together. We just kissed and cuddled each other (with clothes on) and nothing else. I was surprised because I didn't feel super excited...I thought we did this just because we were both very lonely. He never had a girlfriend before. I don't know whether we should develop into a relationship...We live 40-minute far away from each other, and we cannot see each other this summer because of my internship. Also, I'm not sure my feeling to him now...do I really love him and want to become his girlfriend? Should we cuddle and kiss each other again, even if we are not in a relationship? I'm really confused with my relationship with him now. What relationship is it and what should I do? Should I keep distant from him? Or should I ask him whether he would like to be in a relationship with me? Or should we just be friends and avoid close body touch? I'm really confused and lost. It is too embarrassing to talk about it to my friends and parents, so I told my story here and I want some help... | Should I cuddle and kiss a guy even if we are not really in a relationship? Should I develop a relationship with the guy when I cannot keep him company? |
t3_13mlfh | AskReddit | Reddit, I'm a very anxious flyer & right before we were about to take off, a man projectile vomits all over the people in front of me & on my stuff. A nice guy offered me his seat near the front of the plane. What has someone done for you during a shitty situation that made it better? | Alright, a little background. I was on the worst "vacation" ever, so I was very eager to be home & get this horrible trip out of my mind. This happening & being someone who has chronic anxiety/hypochondria...it was very upsetting to me lol. Most people don't know I'm like this, because usually I'm very good at controlling it. Just having that guy be so kind & understanding while I was pretty much freaking the fuck out was more helpful than I think he realized. Later I found him at baggage claim. I thanked him for his kindness & also saw he was in the Army, so I got to thank him for his service as well. He probably thought I was mentally insane but whatever, it was a long ass week :P ANYWAY, story time! | I'm a crazy hypochondriac. Got to thank guy at baggage claim for his kindness & serving in the military. |
t3_1cavew | Advice | I'm lost, nothing is going right. | I'm 27, 3 years out of college and I havent worked full time for over 2 years of it. I got a good degree (computer science) from a good university (University of California) with pretty decent grades (3.3gpa). My first job I worked for 8 months before they "let me go" after my project was done (small company, they basically just brought me in to finish up some work that the guy they fired was doing.) Some seriously useless and obscure programming (multi function printer/fax/scanners) along with tech support and customer service (which was ironically quite decent comparatively). My second job I worked for a small startup on a "social network" website doing database backend stuff (t-sql, query optimization, table normalization) and very little bits of front end stuff (c#, .net)
Problem is I don't want to keep going in either direction (I enjoy problem solving..) not so much website stuff/tech support. and I definitely dont want to get into mobile apps which know are all the rage but it simply doesn't interest me (and these seem to be 99% of all the jobs listed).
I want to get into database administration/data warehousing so I've been studying up for my MSSQL certification but some parts of it are really abstract and just bore me and I just dont know how to establish myself (most companies want years of experience with databases that have XX% uptime, users etc...) how do I even get that experience without having that job? As far as I've seen there aren't really any entry level database jobs and all the "programming/developer" positions seem to be websites, mobile or social net work stuff. Just feels like I'm wasting my time.
Am I just barking up the wrong tree? Has anyone got any ideas what other kinds of jobs I should look into? (I'm very introverted and I'm currently working part time as a private tutor but I'm not getting enough hours to even pay rent. And I'd rather kill myself than take on a minimum wage customer service job) | What kinds of jobs could a heavy introvert with a CS (B.S.) do that isn't website/mobile app/social networking? |
t3_dclif | AskReddit | Plagiarism of self: Do you think less of somebody who quotes things without crediting the source? | How do you feel when someone quotes verbatim, a news article, philosophy, or story from a source you know of?
A lot of my topics of conversation are stories I read on reddit. And when I tell them, I find myself doing little paraphrasing, sometimes practically repeating the story word for word. It interests people, because it's interesting stuff I'm referencing, but I feel guilty, and a little paranoid, when repeating stolen topics.
I try my best not to quote the most read sources, I won't quote Hitchens or Huffington Post directly, however if I was trying to explain cosmology to somebody I might totally rip off huge segments of Lawrence Krauss talks, I might use a Chomskyan argument if talking about politics. It's not original thoughts, am I at least using them in an original context?
This counts for books and television stories too. As much of an "independent" thinker as I fancy myself, most of the things I say have been best phrased by authors already, so my speeches could easily be traced back to their origin.
Does this make me a tool? (well, yes it does, but furthermore:) Should I feel obligated to throw in a source? (it's feels a little awkward) | Do you think it would make you think less of a person if they plagarize their conversations? Is it a "got'cha" moment? Would you ever call somebody on it? |
t3_359cgf | relationships | I [22 F] told my best friend's [22 F] mom about her sleeping problems, and now she's pissed at me. | Throwaway because she uses reddit.
I've known my best friend Kat for 8 years now, and she's pretty much my sister. I'm really close with her entire family, especially her mom. We've never gotten into a fight before now, so I'm taking it extra hard.
A few months ago, Kat told me she was raped by her ex boyfriend. She's been struggling with it ever since. A few days ago we were hanging out, when I told her she looked really tired. She told me that her ex had contacted her and she went to the police, but they didn't do much. She's been having nightmares and has been pretty freaked out, and she hasn't been sleeping well because of it.
This is where I messed up you guys. I asked her what she was doing about it and she said she had been just staying up until she's too tired to dream, or smoking weed before bed to relax. At this point, she started to get upset and changed the subject. After she left, I called her mom and asked if Kat had told her what was going on. She didn't, so I did. Her mom thanked me and planned on talking to her.
Last night, Kat called me freaking out. She said that I had no right to tell her mom, and that it was none of my business how she handles her problems. I told her sleep deprivation and drugs aren't the way to solve her problems, and she told me to stay out of her business and hung up on me.
I tried to text her this morning, and she told me that she needs time and not to text her anymore. Is she overreacting, or am I really in the wrong? | I told my best friends mom, who's like my second mom, that my best friend was dealing with her rapist and having nightmares. Best friend is now pissed at me but I feel like I did the right thing. |
t3_dgjq3 | AskReddit | Reddit, Is it *always* wrong to snoop your boyfriend's phone/e-mail/computer? | I confess, I am a snooper. My reasoning is, when I snoop, I usually find something I don't like. For example, last night I looked at my boyfriend's phone and saw that he's meeting up with a "girl" friend later today to do something alone together. I've never met the girl, but he also never told me he had plans with said girl. He tells me when he has plans with his guy friends. He also hangs out with this girl a lot and he dismisses my worries. This has happened before with the same girl. Also in the past, he's chatted with girls online and exchanged pictures, which I thought was inappropriate. Just in my experience, when I check his phone or he leaves his e-mail up, he seems to have some sort of communication with girls he doesn't share. I'm upfront about anything I do with other guys and also I don't make plans to hang out with other guys alone (just groups), I find it inappropriate (I know other people don't agree). Anyways, things like this make me want to snoop. | is it okay to snoop if it seems every time you do, you find something you don't like? Or does it not matter either way? |
t3_125q1m | dating_advice | Not sure if I'm reading to much into this? | Her: 24
Me: [almost] 22
I met this awesome girl that I attend school with and we (and a few other people) all became very quick friends. We all go out together and have a really good time, and somewhere along the line I developed a secret crush on her. I do flirt with her a little bit. We make each other laugh a lot and have some pretty serious talks, but I'm not sure if she takes it as flirting or just on a friend level. She seems to flirt back, but it is very difficult to get a good read on it.
There is a small problem here though, she is in a relationship that she has voiced that she is unhappy in. There isn't much detail to give on that part. Well, not to long ago she introduced her boyfriend to the "group". I really tried to pay attention to her body language, and she didn't seem as "peppy" as she does when he isn't around. When he's not around, she just has this twinkle in her eye when she talks, and that was not there when he was present.
I guess what I'm trying to figure out is do I confess that I have this pretty big crush on her (and HOW do I do that?) and she how she responds? I don't want to mess up a great friendship because of a crush that developed, but on the same hand if I don't tell her I will never know, and I probably will just auto-friendzone myself. | Met this girl. Secret Crush. She's in an obvious unhappy relationship. Do I tell her I have this crush, or just stay friends? How do I tell her if I do? |
t3_1jek30 | relationships | I[17M] still have feelings for my ex [17F] and feel very bad about relationships now. | About 5 months ago I broke up with a girl who was pretty much my first major (or important to me) relationship. She said she left me, because she is gay. However, another reason that she did not mention to me, but did tell others was that I am boring. I can get past both of those semi-insulting reasons (NOTE: I am not homophobic) but I still to this day I feel just awful about the relationship and it's ending.
Even though I feel so terrible about it I still love her anyway. We decided to still be friends (how cliche), and we still talk. Every time I see her or talk to her I freak out in my head, and desperately want to go back to her.
Now recently thinking about the break-up with her makes me scared to enter new relationships or even attempting at starting a new one. That is why I have came here for advice.
Thanks | Girlfriend broke up with me a while ago and I still love her. Remembering the break-up makes me fear entering new relationships. Advice? |
t3_1l216c | relationship_advice | (18/F) going away to college, boyfriend (18/M) feels like I could care less, I feel scared it might end, need help | I am moving away to college tomorrow and I don't want to leave on bad terms with my boyfriend. We have been seeing each other for almost 9 months and currently he feels I never initiate anything whether that be hanging out, having sex, etc. He said it makes him feel unwanted/unattractive/like shit. I try to reassure him I love him and find him attractive but he pushes it all away. I don't want him to think I don't care about him because when I go away to college I feel he might find someone else with less of a "emotional burden" and leave me since I am going to a college 1 hour away and he is staying here.
There comes the LDR thing that I hate to face since he's going to be working weekends and has classes during the week. I don't want to drift apart; he told me that I have to be the one asking to see him now or he won't bother. I myself don't want to have to find out a week or two later he found someone else and be emotionally distraught in college with this on my head. I now don't know how to tell him I do care and want to see him when he doesn't believe me. I was thinking of giving him a going away gift with a letter with my thoughts and some items that mean something to him and surprising him after work with it. Any ideas/thoughts? | Going off to college tomorrow, boyfriend is upset I don't initiate sex or hanging out, don't know how to proceed since is turning into LDR |
t3_28tnpu | tifu | TIFU by making whale noises at a girl | This one was at about 12:10 AM today, so it just barely counts as today!
So there was this big art/music festival in my town that lasts all night. There was this awesome band playing that the whole audience was really getting into. During the show there was this really cute girl next to me the whole time that I ended up dancing with a little bit.
After the band was done playing, me and my friends were walking away, and the cute girl I mentioned was walking towards me. We made eye contact and she smiled, stopped to talk to me, and said "hey". This is where I fucked up.
For some reason, my brain didn't really register what was happening, and i just walked right by her. When I was about 5 feet away, I thought "Oh shit she wants to talk to you! say something!". Now I turn my head towards her to say hey back, but my legs still kept walking away. Also, instead of actually saying "hey", I looked at her and made a loud noise along the lines of "Heeaaaauuugh-ayy!".
After this happened, we both just looked at each other, then turned around and walked away. We both kept looking over our shoulders at each other, and kind of hesitating from walking away, wondering if we should attempt to salvage the scenario. But nope, we left that situation alone. | Danced with a cute girl. She tried to talk to me and in response I shrieked at her like a whale. |
t3_2ed4ev | relationships | Me [32F] and [31M] together one year, I take my anger/anxiety out on him. | My boyfriend and I have been dating for one year and are moving in together. I don't really have friends and am currently unemployed for the last 2 weeks. He is away for the next 3 days on a trip with all his college friends.
My biggest problem is that when he is not here or I have anxiety I take it out on him. Mostly through texts I go on rants about how he must be having a great time with all his friend while I'm watching tv on the couch alone. That he doesn't know what it's like to have no job (he really doesn't) and he can't help me. I also make comments about how it must be nice to have paid vacations and never worry about money. But he worked extremely hard to get to where he can be comfortable like that.
The thing is he helps me all the time, emotionally and financially at the moment (with dinner and cat food) and when I get like that I almost feel blind to everything. My anger makes my heart race and my anxiety makes me sweat.
I think it's venting but it's going beyond that and I don't know how to control myself. I get angry when he's not here and I get angry with my situation and I take it out on him. The thing is, he is the best man I have ever been with, I have never thought I would love someone as much as I love him and I can't lose him. He has said that this behavior is the one thing that is unacceptable and must change.
I am looking into finding someone to speak to professionally but anyone that has done that knows that it's not something that can be set up in a day or two. I need advice on how to control my anger and not take it out on him. | I take my anxiety and anger out on my SO and I feel it is hurting my relationship. Has anyone experienced these feelings, on either side? |
t3_4eo4re | loseit | Are there healthy, low calorie alternatives to fast/premade food? | Howdy! I had a really rough year in school and it resulted in a lot of negative things in my personal life, so as a means of keeping myself occupied and working on improving myself, I'm hoping to lose between 50 and 70lbs by September. I currently weigh 200lbs, 5'4"--my ideal weight is 150, as it's the smallest I've ever been, but 130 is kind of my "in my dreams" goal haha!
I've always yoyo'd with weight up and down and I know for a fact that it's my eating habits--I drink Diet Coke like it's water, I binge-eat when I'm bored, I eat huge serving sizes of everything... Excerise isn't really an issue--I'm a full-time server in a busy restaurant and I walk everywhere I go, resulting in about 3-4 miles a day on average of walking around.
To be completely honest, I just hate cooking with all of my soul--it takes up a lot of time that I just don't have, which is why I always fall back onto microwave pizzas and snacks as my meals. Ideally, I'd like to avoid eating even the low calorie TV dinner/instant meal type things and replace things in my diet exclusively with vegetables, fruit and chicken, but am hoping to find fast ways to do so. I'm already working on weaning myself down off of Diet Coke (I'm down from 2 liters a day to 1 liter a day so far!), but gotta work on that overall diet thing the most! | Are there fast, low effort recipes/packaged instant foods that I could replace microwave meals with? I have some obvious ideas like salads but I'm looking for a bit more variety! |
t3_1hinea | relationships | I [25M] am trying to make the girl I have feelings for [21F] see that her ex is not the only man n the world for her... and failing | So a little while ago I started hanging out with this girl, she is smart and beautiful and sarcastic and everything I love but, she can not get over her ex from high school that she has dated on and off for the last six years... He wants nothing more to do with her as far as a relationship goes but he still calls her daily and she always has a mini anxiety attack when he asks her to come over...
We aren't dating (though I wish we were) and she constantly says that he is her soulmate and if she cannot have him than she will be forever alone. I want her to see that there are other people that care about her. I want to be around her and I want her to be happy. As one of the last white knights I want whatever a relationship with her entails (platonic, romantic, anything) but as of late she has begun to seclude herself from the outside world other than to go to work...
I want to see her reddit... I want to be around her, I want her to be happy. Her personal life is... very complex to say the least. She is technically married to a coworker, He wants her to be with him. She does not and they live together. Her ex is trying to move on with his life and I want to be with her.
There is a lot more. but I'm not sure what is relevant and what is not.
For instance, she is a stripper. | Want to date this chick but she is married and hung up on her ex. I'm insane for trying to do anything but in too deep to back out now |
t3_3yc7mt | relationships | I [15 M] have been in love with my best friend [16 F] for years, I recently confessed, hoping to be rejected and to get it all over with, the opposite happened. | I have known her for years, 5 years to be exact and for about 3 of them I have been in love with her. I never said anything, except one night where I confessed due to a mixture of sleep deprivation and alcohol (this will come up later).
Anyway, recently we were texting back and forth and just talking about embarrassing moments and my dumb ass brought up that moment, which obviously had her asking me questions and had me remembering repressed feelings.
That night I told her I wanted to talk and just up and told her I was in love with her. I did this hoping that she would tell me that we couldn't be friends anymore, or that she didn't want to talk to me. I guess I thought it would be some kind of closure. However she told me that the feeling was mutual.
At that moment things fell apart. We don't live in the same state, haven't for about a year and a half. She visits on holidays, but time with her is scarce, which I guess made repressing emotions easier but due to recent events everything has unfolded really terribly.
Now that the backstory is over I need advice on how to do what I want to do, which is fall out of love with her. I just told her that I needed time to fall out of love, but I'm damn near positive that in about a week I'll snap and text her in fear of her having some kind of anxiety attack without me to help. | I'm 15 and unable to fall out of love with the person that could very well be the love of my life. Help. |
t3_3zd84z | askwomenadvice | I [F24] live with my best friend [F23] and my ex-boyfriend [M23]. Shit's fucked. Help. | I posted something similar a while ago under a different name, just in case anybody remembers.
Anyways, we live in the same apartment with a fourth roommate who's also a friend. I broke up with the ex just under a year ago. Best friend has had a crush on him since I started dating him.
Recently, she approached me asking if it would be weird if they started dating. He did the same. Based on advice I got on here I told them no, everything was fine, things wouldn't be weird. I was lying to myself and to them, and realized it pretty quickly after. I'm VERY uncomfortable whenever they flirt around the house. Neither has asked the other out, either because he has lost interest or they're not the type of person to ask somebody out. I honestly don't know at this point.
Anyways, I realized through all of this that I really do still have feelings for him. She and I talked this over a few days ago and agreed that all three of us should talk. I guess I'm just incredibly miserable and stressed out about all of this and need some insight if anybody has any to offer. :/
Ideally I just want nobody to do anything. We're only here for another 6 months before we all scatter across the country for jobs, grad school, etc. There's a good chance I'll end up in the same city as him, but we'll be 8 hours away from the best friend. She insisted that I tell him I still have feelings for him and let him help figure out what we're going to do, so I guess that's the plan for whenever we all three have time to talk. | I live with my two closest friends, one of whom is an ex of a year ago. There's romantic feelings between them, and I realized I still like him. |
t3_2g2aty | relationships | Not sure what to think of this situation with female coworker. | OK so to start off I [19 M], have been playing around with and joking with a female[24]
coworker of mine. I see us as more friends than lovers or being in a relationship, I
think she does as well but then she does things that makes people think that
we are together. Like the fact that she has bitten me in front of other coworkers
a few times, namely I acted like I was going to squeeze her hand in a handshake and
she bit my forearm hard as fuck (was purple but no broken skin), and said that I could
walk around with a tattoo from her WTFDOESTHATMEAN? My friends at work are
constantly bugging me that we are going to hook up, I get aggravated every time.
I mean we are great Friends, I make her laugh until she is red in the face, we can talk for
hours without checking our phones or anything. I mean I like having her as a friend,
and would not like to lose her as that. I must admit that while she may be sexually
attractive to most, I can't really say she is my usual type. I would like to get any
advice as to what I should do, or not do, also any thoughts on the situation that you have. | I think a female coworker may have a crush on me, everyone I work with thinks so as well(but they can be assholes). |
t3_38aimq | offmychest | Cheated on...and it doesn't hurt. | I found out 2 weeks ago that the woman that I dated for 3 years, the one I had a ring for, the one I saw my future with...cheated on me.
And the strangest thing? It is such a relief. Let me explain.
When she called and broke up with me, it was a shock. We were seeing each other within the week (there was distance between us). Why then? When I had a tearful call with her right after, she implied that I hadn't made her feel valued, that I hadn't "fought" hard enough for her. Aside from every vacation day and spare dollar I had spent on her, that is. I was gutted. While I was able to move on after about a month, I had guilt that lingered.
That was a year ago. Turns out, she had been cheating on me. She made the mistake of bragging about it online, talking about how it was fun, dangerous, and she didn't feel bad at all.
It was the grossest, most vile thing anyone has done to me. Yet I found out nearly a year after we broke up. And every ounce of guilt, every molecule of feeling for her is completely gone now. She broke up because she is a cheater and a liar.
It is ultimately, exonerating. | Girlfriend of 3 years breaks up with me randomly. I feel guilty. Turns out she's a cheater. Guilt absolved, feels good. |
t3_5126a6 | relationships | My [26/F] friend [29/F] is always high when we hang out and I don't have fun with them anymore. | Her mother is currently in the slow process of dying, which is a hell of a lot to deal with especially considering this girl already has clinical anxiety that's undiagnosed and untreated (different story entirely, not going to address this). My mother died almost 10 years ago so I know a good bit about what she's going through.
I used to smoke weed and all that but my life has changed to where I feel it's best for me that I don't. I understand my friend uses weed as a form of escapism, especially now during this tragic time in her life. The thing is, I'm pretty sure I don't have any right to tell her not to be high when she hangs out with me.
I don't want to be insensitive, but I don't have fun with her when she's high as a kite, confused, and flat. I don't want to babysit, I want to hang out with my friend. My current solution is next time she wants to hang out is to ask her if she'll be high and go from there, but that seems rather obvious and I might make her feel guilty, which I'd rather not do. She has every right to find a form of escapism and not deal with her feelings right now. It's not healthy, but that's not my problem (I've tried to encourage her to find a therapist, so I'm done with that. I will not address this issue at all.)
So, how can I gently tell my friend I don't want to hang out when she's high? Or is that not possible? Do I just have to not hang out with her right now? I'd like to be there to support her, but I don't want to be a bored babysitter. Thoughts and suggestions? | friend is high, I don't want to be around them like that, how do I tell her, if at all? |
t3_3aoork | relationship_advice | Boyfriend deletes my posts on his fb...? 23 | So I've dated him since Jan this year and before then we dated for over two years. We broke up for nine months and now are back together....
He still hasn't told his parents and deletes everything to do with me off social media and won't add me on linkedin or twitter etc... If I post something to his fb which isn't often he deletes it!?
He also doesn't like me snap chatting from his phone or people seeing photos of us etc...? I don't really understand.
He also hasn't told a few of his friends which I don't get...
I've asked him about it and he said it is just because he doesn't like anyone seeing private things... yet he doesn't do this to any friends ever and has photos on his fb of a girl he slept with at a wedding a week before we got back together.
I know him very well obviously so I am pretty sure he's okay to trust and everything but this just really bugs me now as it's been 6 months since we started dating :-/ and we were together before.... he told me I am insecure and stuff which really isn't true as I don't feel it at all I just think this situation is weird...!
I'm a very pretty girl with a size 10 curvy body and I'm not ashamed to say it on here... I'm a lot prettier than most girls and often get told I look like scarlet Johanson (sorry I know that sounds so shallow but it's just in case anyone assumed that was a reason, I've never said that out loud so it's a first). I also have a nice and kind pesonality and am told I can be over caring and loving...
Anyway. . . My friends in real life all think it's weird and think he's a dick for better use of a word...! | my bf hasn't told many ppl about us and deletes my posts to his social media, should I be worried? |
t3_1ck0ek | pettyrevenge | Petty Revenge on a horrible teacher. | This isn't my story, but a friends.
Now a little backstory,
Our school is big, therefore needs a lot of ventilation, so the air vents are massive. The reason why? I don't know. But anyway, onto the present day.
We have a teacher who, for the sake of privacy, we will call Mrs. Jerk. Mrs. Jerk is an attention hog, and a really big one, in fact she once tried to take the attention off her student helper who was allowed to bring in her 2 children. She actually tried to steal a pair of 6 year old twins' thunder. So, near the end of the year, my friend (Who we will call John) hadn't missed a day of school, so he was gonna get a perfect attendance award. He was the talk of the school, as not one other person got perfect attendance. So Mrs. Jerk overhears and decides to stop that. On the last day of school John was running late but could still get on time. So Mrs. Jerk locks the door on him, with five minutes to school starts, and ignores him knocking. So he runs up to the second floor, opens up the door to the ventilation and runs through, causing a commotion. The class is wondering what's happening and right as his name is called, he opens up the vent in the ceiling and drops down onto her table, barely uttering "Here" in time. Meanwhile Mrs. Jerk has the most surprised look on her face, and John just says "What's wrong Mrs. Jerk?" he then sits down and continues with his day, until the awards ceremony, where he got to say a word. Here's how it went.
Principal: Would you like to thank anyone, John?
John: Yes, I would like to thank my homeroom teacher, Mrs. Jerk, for being so helpful to my cause.
And then the entire school applauded her as she was shooed onto the stage, where she had to thank John and congratulate him. | Attention hog teacher tries to stop friend from getting an award, gets it anyway and gets her to thank him and congratulate him. |
t3_okgbl | AskReddit | Question to medical personnel/physical therapy/ medical supply/or anyone at all with a similar experience.. | so, my 60 year old mom fell and ended up breaking her left wrist in two places and her right shoulder. Needless to say, my dad and I have been feeding her, cleaning her, wiping her, basically everything you would need done if you did not have use of your hands and arms. When she has to get up from the recliner she has been sleeping in, my dad has to grab ahold of her pants and underwear and hoist her up. He had the idea of renting one of those chairs that old folks use to lift them into a standing position. I was hoping you guys might suggest any other devices/products that might make her life and ours easier through the healing and recuperation process. Thank you in advance for your help. | mom fell, broke left wrist & right shouder, has no use of her arms for 6 weeks, there's gotta be some sort of device or doo-dad for folks who can't use arms. |
t3_zl6ke | loseit | Just starting M/21/6'1 220. | Hey /r/loseit
I'm just about to start my very own weight loss routine. I know I'm not huge and I'm not exactly ridiculously overweight for my body type, but its time to trim up. I feel unhealthy and I feel lazy and i find that even 35lbs overweight makes me depressed.
I have been steadily gaining since 17, started at 150 and have steadily progressed far beyond where i ever wanted to be. I was the skinny as hell guy in the 8th grade and by the time I left high school i was getting picked on by my closest friends fr being bigger. They don't realise how much it hurts, they think I'm just a little over the top and they are just teasing me trying to get me into it. What they don't understand is how bad the weight makes me feel about myself. So it's time to solve the problem.
I recently returned from backpacking around Europe, where i walked EVERYWHERE I went. I talking 8 hours a day 7 days a week for 7 weeks. My diet got worse while I was gone and yet I was 20lbs lighter when I got home. Since I have gained the weight back and feel like shit for it.
My Goal: Lose 35lbs and get into shape.
I am about to start eating like my Mom. She has recently had heart issues and was force to change her diet from a traditional English, she was raised in England, fatty, salty, bready, sugary, everything bad, diet to one her boyfriend showed her. Don't know what its called, but basically she cut out sugar and wheat and she literally dropped 15lbs in 5 days. She has recently reintroduced some sugar to her diet as she felt the weight loss was getting to extreme and felt like it was unhealthy. She eats as much meat and veggies as she wants, as well as eating fruit and rice etc separate from her meats. She tells me the trick is to not combine carbs and fats, this may be basic weight loss knowledge, but fats being okay is new to me.
Anyway tomorrow marks day one of my journey.
Swimming and weight lifting will be my exercise btw...
Any tips from the pros? | About to start my own weight loss routine. Aiming at losing 35lbs by march, by cutting out wheat and sugar and swimming. Any Tips? |
t3_3l2pz8 | relationships | I [20 M] hurt my LDR Girlfriend's [20 F] feelings and I'm seeking advice | This is my first post so here goes. My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, with the past 2 being long distance for most of the year. We go to different colleges and are able to see one another on long weekends and holiday breaks. We talk all the time and have a great relationship with lots of love.
Recently we were joking through text and after a few texts I got sensitive and upset, so I said something that I knew would be a little hurtful. After that she told me to calm down and that her comments were jokes and that she knows that I meant what I said.
The conversation was a little like this: She was saying how hard her job was and that not many people could cut it in her position (aimed at me) the comments were going towards insulting me and that i had a lack of hard work. I took it personally and said that she thinks shes better than everyone. (I altered some of the details and made it a little vague.)
So here I am a couple days later at a lost. We have talked about it and she told me that i really hurt her.I have apologized multiple times and i really do care about her. We have had arguments in the past but we get over it. With us being long distance and not being able to talk much as a result of school and work, I do not know what to do. | My LDR Girlfriend and I took jokes too personally and I hurt her feelings. Days later there is tension between us, I want her to be happy. |
t3_3b3y92 | relationships | I [27 F] just got into a heated discussion about vaccinations with my boyfriend [30 M]. Not sure what else we need to discuss before marriage. | My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over 3 years. Everything is wonderful aside from the occasional argument about his farts smelling too bad or me leaving my bras hanging in the bathroom to dry. We're planning to get married next year. We've had all the talks about kids, and future plans. So, we're on the same path and things are great.
In California a new law just passed requiring all parents to vaccinate their children regardless of personal or religious beliefs. I was talking to my boyfriend about it kind of in passing, and he said he doesn't know if he's vaccinated. I wrote it off to him just not paying attention to things like that (his mother was really young when she had him, and she didn't have a lot of his paperwork - birth certificate, ss card, etc). But I pressed him to find out, and turns out he wasn't vaccinated as his mom thought the shots were unnecessary - she was young, English wasn't her first language, so she didn't know any better.
I was adamant that he talk to a doctor to see what shots he needed, if any. He said ok. The next day he comes to me and says he doesn't think he should get vaccinated. He was talking to his best friend whose brother has autism, and his family believes it was because of the vaccinations. I know his bestfriend and love him and hang out with him almost every week. Never have I ever heard this is what he thought, and I was completely floored.
Now I'm not going to get into a debate here about what is right/wrong but my future children will be vaccinated, unless some new information comes to light before then. My boyfriend and I are still debating this - **He doesn't want to get the shots because he feels like he's betraying his best friend, a reasoning I don't understand. And I feel like by not getting them he's putting himself at risk, and potentially our children if we ever have them.**
And now I'm wondering what else we need to talk about before we get married. I never thought vaccinations would be an issue, so what else could potentially be so divisive for us. | Just found out my boyfriend isn't and won't get vaccinated. Wondering what other potentially game-changing topics need to be addressed before we get married. |
t3_3mxkb9 | tifu | TIFU by picking my nose at the dentists office | This was pretty embarrassing.
I went to the dentist after work to have my teeth cleaned and as usual they bring you back to the chair and the assistant cleans your teeth then leaves you be till the dentist arrives.
I work in an industry where I tend to inhale tiny particles at times (even with a mask) so I usually have to blow my nose a few times a day to keep the sinuses fresh. Well anyways, my nose was itching heavily in the seat and I just needed to pick it. Secretly, I tilted my head to the side and ended up landing on a monster booger. As im plucking it out, I turn right and see my dentist with a smile and a hand held out toward me for a handshake as I hesitantly look over in the process of pulling a booger out. I quickly said "Wow im so sorry I didnt hear anyone walking behind me" as im holding this booger in my right hand. I went to the bathroom and "cleaned up" but man was I embarrassed. Im not a very anxious person per say but I wasnt eager to walk back to that chair.
Its safe to say he didnt rub it in through the tooth check; the handshake never happened though and I feel that was mutual. | Picked my nose as the dentist walked behind me and offered a handshake as I had a booger in my hand and I tried hiding the fact that I pick my nose daily by saying I work in a dirty industry |
t3_3dqtao | dating_advice | Long distance relationship problems, need some advice please. | I'm a 20 year old male in a long distance relationship with a soon to be 19 year old female. I haven't seen her in about a year since she moved away (known for 3 in total) and we've been doing this online relationship for about 8 months now, I was supposed to go see her this Summer but couldn't make it. Anyways, I found out that she has been talking to a guy online who lives nearby her and she confessed to him that she's not sure about her relationship with me, and that she doesn't want to be tied down to this (being far away, limited contact and interaction) relationship, and she just doesn't know how she feels. She also flirted with him and told him that if it doesn't workout with me that he has a shot with her. The same guy found me on FB and ended up telling me because he felt bad or whatever, told me he stopped talking to her. I haven't confronted her about it but she did tell me about the guy talking to her but that's all. Anyways, I'm just wondering what my next move should be? I really care about this girl a lot but after knowing that she's not sure about our long distance relationship and talking to a guy and calling him a backup in case this doesn't work out bothers me a lot. When I Skype and called her recently, she seems happy and normal and telling me she loves me and wants to give this a shot. Anyways, what the hell should I do? What are your thoughts on this? I need some advice. | In a long distance relationship. Girlfriend is unsure about the relationship and growing tired of it. She messages a guy living nearby her placing him as backup. What should I do? |
t3_3420iw | relationships | [update]my [28m] ex[27f] just moved across the country to the same city as me, i'm a little freaked out and pissed off. | here is a link to the orginal post
so its been a month since i last posted so here is a quick update. I have been so busy with work and school that i had compleatly forgot she has moved here, it wasn't until yesterday when my girlfriend brought it up that i remembered she lives here now. she hasn't tried to contact me which and i havent run into her at all (i don't really go out much so running into her was never really an issue)
our mutal friends that she moved in with have kinda dropped off the face of the earth, which sucks. but some of it has to do with our conflicting schedules and not that fact that my ex is their roommate although that is probably a factor in it too. | been to busy with life to focus on that fact my ex is now living in this area. Haven't hung out with my friends since she moved here, but part of that is due to our conflicting schedules |
t3_2ppf0c | Dogtraining | House training help! (Dog refuses to go in front of us) | We purchased a 4 1/2 month old Mini Australian Shepherd last week, and frustration is at an all time high. This puppy refuses to go to the bathroom in front of anyone. I take her out every half hour ALL day and she will not go. She held her poop and pee for FORTY-EIGHT hours when we first got her. I put her on the screened in balcony and she poops and pees immediately after I leave her alone for a minute. I continue to take her outside when I see her circling like shes about to go, and she will hold it until I take her in and am not watching. Today she pooped in her crate 30 seconds after I took her outside this morning. I feed her on a schedule, and take her out every 30 min after that. She is not a rescue and did not have a previous owner so she doesn't have any fear from a previous owner so I am lost. Any suggestions? | Puppy refuses to go potty in front of me and shits and pisses in crate or porch when not looking. |
t3_297hs6 | travel | Far Away From Home For a Long Time. 6 months in Europe, What Should I Expect? | I did a search but I could only find budget stuff, and the blog post on the sidebar. I'm looking for what to bring and what to get at home or there. So I'm going to be living in a major city in Europe for 6 months starting some time in July. I'm not even sure if I'm going to stay there the entire time. I've been over in Europe for a month or so during the summer. I've never been away from the (always summery) US state I live in for more than 2 months. I have experience with traveling, but not for half a year.
I would appreciate advice for a long time traveling. What should I expect? Also I have only dealt with winter/snow for a week, so I don't have the winter apparel that would last. Should I buy that stuff when I get there to save room in my luggage for other stuff? And for that what is a good staple to get?
Going to be bringing:
Clothes I have that are sadly not winter appropriate
Toiletries
Good shoes
Typical gadgets that I use
Adaptors
Paperwork
And what not
I can elaborate more if necessary. I am just insecure of being more specific on a public forum. | I am unsure of what I should bring and what to expect for such a long time period, and I'm asking for more experienced opinions. |
t3_3ljcrk | personalfinance | Almost got duped by a crafty scam, wanted to share to prevent others from falling for it. | I was in Las Vegas this past weekend and stayed at a no-name hotel slightly off the strip to save some cash. It had good reviews and was basic, but was clean and got the job done.
Sunday morning at 10:30 my hotel phone rings and it's the manager letting me know their computer system is down at the moment. Check out is at 11am so we were already packing and getting ready to leave despite our hangovers.
He let's me know that because the system is down they're a few hours behind on recovering data. He confirmed my room number and offered me an extended checkout (which sounded great from the hangover) and also offered to comp our least expensive night's stay for the inconvenience.
He mentioned there were 30+ people in the checkout line and offered to check me out via the phone and said I could leave my keys as I left. He asked me to confirm my credit card number and I got a little hesitant and said I would feel more comfortable providing that in person.
He got a little defensive and reiterated who he was and why he was trying to save time. I still declined and went down to the front desk. Turns out, it was a scam and they were randomly dialing hotel rooms to get CC numbers and personal info.
They were super accommodating with their offer and because my hotel phone didn't have a caller ID, it was very convincing. Stay safe out there and never be afraid to say no until you know who you're sharing you're information with! | Someone called my hotel room pretending to be the manager and said their system was down and wanted my info including credit card to confirm and reimburse me for the trouble. Was a total scam and tough to trace, be careful! |
t3_2kjo40 | relationships | Me [23 M] with my Girlfriend [24 F] both agree that waiting till marriage to have sex is the best choice but we are both sexually frustrated and I fear it is coming between us. | My girlfriend and I have been together for about 5 months now. We are very open with each other and are on equal grounds in our views of waiting until marriage for sex. We have been weak with each other and have done things with our hands but never undressed or PiV. Tonight we talked for a while and came to an agreement that both of us are extremely sexually frustrated because of how much we want to have sex with each other.
With this lust comes a lot of guilt, fear, and frustration because both of our reasoning's stem from our faith and past relationships. We feel that we will end up staying together and getting married someday but in case that doesn't happen we don't want to complicate the relationship with sex.
It was been a topic of conversation more and more often and I feel like our communication in all other aspects has suffered because of it. We both agree that we think about sex all the time, wish we didn't, and don't know how to handle it other than trying to not talk about it (the more we talk about it the more we want it.
I genuinely don't know what to do about this. I feel more strongly for her than I have about any girl in past relationships and this is the first time I have really struggled with so much sexual frustration. There probably isn't a good solution but maybe someone who has been in a similar position can offer some insight. | Girlfriend and I both have a lot of sexual frustration and don't know how to deal with it since we want to wait until marriage. |
t3_2spn3w | relationships | I (21M) keep looking at a girl (20F) while having a girlfriend (19F). My girlfriend asks why but I don't even know the answer myself. | Hello everyone.
I keep looking up a girl I liked two years ago before while I have a girlfriend. I don't think I am into this girl anymore but my girlfriend asks me why and I cannot give her an answer. I am very confused. I think I look her up out of habits and since my girlfriend said she minded when I looked her up everyday, I remove Facebook app from my phone homepage. It helped me a lot with stop going onto facebook as often and looking at her profile but I still do about once a month. However, by replacing the text messaging app there, I tend to open the text messaging app for no reason very often the first few weeks after I changed.
Also, this girl and I go to the same college but I never had any intentions to talk to her, text her or try bumping into her. In fact the only time I talked to her the last two years was when I saw her on the street for a 20 seconds conversation. | Why do I look up girls on Facebook when I don't feel anything for them? My girlfriend asks but I cannot answer. |
t3_50xe42 | relationship_advice | [21/M] Her parents don't want her [19/F] dating non-muslims and are pretty strict | So couple of weeks ago, I started talking with this girl from OkCupid and we really hit it off. She's cute, we get along, we have many similar interests and we generally think the same way.
We talked a lot and eventually added each other on Facebook and kept talking there.
A week ago we met in person and it went really well and just this week we've seen each other 3 times.
But here's the problem: her parents are Muslims and don't want her dating a guy who's not Muslim.
Obviously she doesn't care about that since she's seeing me but because of that she has to lie to her parents to meet with me and she can't sleep over (and for her parents, sleeping over at a guy's house, even if he's just a friend, means that something will happen).
Is there anything we can do? Doubt I can somehow change her parents mind.
The only solution I see to this would be to keep hiding it from her parents and waiting until either one of us has our own apartment and start living together but I doubt that will happen anytime soon. | Started seeing a girl but her parents don't want her dating a non-muslim guy so she has to lie to see me and can't see me for long periods of time. |
t3_wt1cu | AskReddit | I have a friend diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Anyone have any experience with this disorder? I don't know how best to help/support him as he deals with this. | As stated in the title, one of my close friends has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. We live together, with one other roommate. His therapist thinks he should choose a few close friends that he can trust and be more open with them about what's going on. I was one of those people, and he told me about his diagnosis. One of the things he mentioned was that it might be helpful if I knew more about the disorder. I've done some research on google and learned basic things about the disorder, but there isn't a lot of first-hand information there. I'd like to know if any redditors have experience dealing with this disorder, and have any advice for me? | My good friend has bi-polar, looking for firsthand advice on how I can help/support/be there for him. |
t3_v89wt | relationships | Father-in-Law wants advice for how to talk to his son (my husband). | My husband (24) does not have a good relationship with his parents (40s). They were emotionally and mentally abusive when he was a child, and as an adult, they have made no real effort to get to know the person who their son has become. They have no boundaries with us, and refuse to treat my husband like an adult. Because of this, my husband has no interest in "fixing" or "kindling" any kind of relationship with them - he just doesn't want a relationship with them, period.
His grandfather died a few weeks ago, and he completely distanced himself from his family during the process. His parents have since then been trying to pull him back into the family, mainly by sending "We Miss You" greeting cards and envelopes stuffed with old family photos.
This morning, I (23) got a voicemail from my husband's father asking me for advice on how to help him "get through" to my husband. I have no idea what to say to him, because I don't think there *is* any "getting through" to him. He knows what he wants, and at the top of that is to not have a relationship with his parents.
My husband is already in the process of writing his parents a letter that will explain everything from his side, as well as well as explain what he wants from them, relationship-wise. In the meantime, what do I say to his father (if anything) about "getting through" to his son | husband doesn't want to fix a relationship with his parents, he just doesn't want one. How to convert this to parents? |
t3_3j5brm | relationships | Me [20 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] of 3 years are both in college. Is it really the thought that counts? | We are both juniors and majors at her school are notoriously difficult this semester. Combine that with the fact that her school is an hour away from where our hometown is (where I go to school)
I thought she could use a nice little present to start the semester. I was perusing the Kohl's jewelry department looking to spend under $50 on something shiny for her. I found a "genuine mother of pearl" bracelet and earrings set for $6 on clearance from $60. I asked my mom and she said it wasn't some cheap thing so I bought. I gave it to my girl and got my smooches and then she was insisting I tell her how much. So does it really matter how much someone spends or is it the thought/product that counts? | Bought my girlfriend a back to school jewelry set for $6. Does money spent matter? Also what is "geuine mother of pearl? |
t3_2zvvcm | personalfinance | Is it possible to get an apartment without a job? Need advice. | Tonight was extremely stressful. My parents tried to kill each other (literally). This isn't the first time they've fought, but tonight was so much more extreme than it ever has been. I'm looking to move out with my mother as soon as possible.
I'm 18 years old. I have approximately $4800 saved & I have my own car in my name. I do not currently have a job and neither does my mother. I am a full-time student majoring in CS. Ironically, I applied for five decently paying internships even before everything went down tonight. I'm hoping to hear back from those applications soon, but I'm sure my mother and I could find an ordinary job if necessary.
Do you think we could lease an apartment if I paid a couple months rent in advance? Rent is very cheap around here in the Midwest; approximately $400-500 a month. Surely they would understand our situation and they we are planning to get a job ASAP. My credit score is between 670-710 and I have $4400 worth of credit cards with 4% utilization if that helps. | have money saved, need to move, don't have a job yet, want to know if it's possible to get an apartment. |
t3_1l1n2i | AskReddit | Do you perceive time when you sleep? | I was talking with my friends about sleeping and how we dream every night, even when we don't remember our dreams, unless time passes instantly when we sleep. They said that I was wrong, and I asked them if time just passes instantly when the sleep and they said it does. This blew my mind because only once in my life have I ever perceived no time when I sleep. Every night, besides that one time, it feels like many hours have passed when I sleep, even when I am not consciously dreaming. We were thinking that this could mean that I am never fully asleep and not getting complete rest, but I am not completely sure. So, do other people experience this, or do I just have a fucked up way of sleeping? | My friends say that they don't perceive time when they sleep, and I have only once had a full night's sleep that seemed instant. Is anyone else like me, or am I just a freak? |
t3_nsdpq | relationships | On the verge of getting back with an ex. Your input is appreciated. | So I dated this girl in high school for three years (on and off). We went to different high schools. She is 2 years younger than me and I am 21 right now. We broke up when I was 19 and she was 17 due to us not getting along and fighting on regular bases.
It's been 2 years since we dated and we barely talked. Our feelings (at least mine) are still strong for each other despite the fact that we both have dated multiple times which didnt last long.
She just got out of a horrible relationship where she was abused and mistreated. She let the guy borrow $3k which he had promised to return with an interest. Your guess is as good as mine, he didn't. So she left him recently and we've been talking. From her texts, it seems like she wants to get back with me unless I'm just jumping to conclusion. Obviously it has been some time since we dated or even were in each other's presence. I've changed and have both matured.
Do you think it would be a good idea and worth to give it another shot and date her again or do you believe it's a bad idea. If you think it's a bad idea, please state why. | Dated a girl for three years when we were younger and barely spoke since we broke up (2 years ago). Is it a good idea to date her again considering we both still have strong feelings for each other? |
t3_w8y6i | relationships | Parents who really dislike my current girlfriend of almost a year | Hello Redditors, as a student going to a university, I got together with my girlfriend 19F M19 last septemeber. As she's a Hispanic poor American with almost no money but a full ride scholarship, I come from a upper middle class family with some wealth. My parents hate her, they despise her, they believe I can do better. They claim she's fat, ugly, and not worth my time as I can do better. They point out that i'm very outgoing, determined, and good-looking, I don't see that part in me. I've tried bringing her home one weekend during the quarter and it didn't go so well. She was shy and didn't speak much, she's always talking with me in school. We connect so well when were together much like Peanut Butter n Jelly. My father is extremely stubborn and mother driven and my mother is slowly getting more and more with my father on this, I however am money driven but not to the point of my parents, I want true love and I believe she is it...Any idea's on how I can possibly maybe have my parents think differently or understand where I come from..They think I just want the sex which isn't true at all, I love her and care about her so much..Any ideas? | Family hates my current due to poor hispanic girlfriend and money driven..I am stuck in the middle and hurting our current relationship by my family. |
t3_2226nz | relationship_advice | [23M]My ex [22F] who I still have feelings for has changed her sexuality. | First, let me preface this by saying that I am completely and totally for equality and support gay rights wholeheartedly. Secondly, I understand that a person cannot change who they have feelings for.
On to the post then. I spent three years with my ex in a monogamous relationship. A little less than a year ago, I was forced to move for work. Rather than force a long distance relationship (which we both had poor experiences with), we decided that it would be best if we waited until she graduated and then we could evaluate where we were at. We stayed extremely close friends. We would text and video chat almost every day.
Last week, I came back to my Alma mater to visit some of my friends. Obviously, I made plans with my ex to see her. Well, she dropped a bombshell on me. She is gay. Rather, she isn't sure what she is. She is currently dating a girl and has been for over six months. I asked her what this meant for us and she told me that she intended to stay with her current girlfriend indefinitely.
I am heartbroken. Not only was I certain that I was going to spend the rest of my life with this girl, I feel like our relationship has been completely devalued. The amount of time that it took her to find a new, serious partner is the part that hurts the most.
I want her to be happy. I honestly do. I probably sound extremely selfish, but I am just confused and hurt. It's entirely okay that she is with a girl. I just prefer that she was with me. I feel blindsided and don't know where to go from here. I love her very much. How can I get over my feelings and be supportive to this wonderful woman? | My ex went from heterosexual to a homosexual relationship. I am hurt by the length of time that it took her to get over our relationship. I would appreciate help in getting past that and being there for her. |
t3_4wzlss | relationships | My girlfriend [F21] is manipulative and is always right. and I [M23] don't know how to deal with it | So I've been seeing this girl for about 6 months now, and she's great and all that. However, she's got a tendency to get very bossy. Whenever she asks me to make plans with her (doesn't matter if it's concerning the next day or the next month) and my answer is yes, I better stick with it, lest she gets upset with me for changing my mind.
I was raised with the idea of sticking to the plan if the person with whom you've made plans "suffers" should you cancel the plan. I do doubt my girlfriend suffered last night when I canceled lunch 5 days from now with her, yet she was really mad with me. It feels as if she's trying to control my decisions in our relationship with fear.
Furthermore, whenever I call her out on being angry for petty reasons, she gets way angrier, telling me that I'm "accusing her of being angry, which makes her angry".
During our 6 months together she has never been wrong ONCE and never apologized for anything, and I have a hard time believing I'm always the bad guy and she's always the victim.
What should I do? | My girlfriend doesn't allow me to change our plans and tries to control me with fear, and whenever I call her out on it she takes on a victim-role and makes me look like the bad guy. |
t3_1d7vg7 | BreakUps | Hooked up with someone to get over my ex (F19). Now I (M20) immensely regret it. Has anyone got advice on dealing with the guilt? | So my ex dumped me three days ago. She was my first love, so I feel devastated. Yesterday, I decided to go partying with friends in order to get over her.
After a couple of beers, a girl with a ton of tattoos, three facial piercings and an undercut joined us. She got along well with some of my friends, but I didn't really know her.
Now, my ex-girlfriend was always quite conservatively dressed. A huge contrast with this girl. I normally find facial piercings and excessive tattoos a huge turnoff. But I was drunk, and still miserable about my ex. My drunk reasoning led me to believe that if I were to enjoy myself with a girl who's nothing at all like my ex, then I'd prove I don't need her.
Yes, I know there are some terrible flaws in that logic.
So when this girl started showing interest, I took her apart and we started kissing. At the time I thought it'd feel good, but as soon as our lips touched I felt regret. She kept going though, and I didn't push her away because I was afraid of hurting her feelings.
One of my friends caught us. We were a little embarrassed and decided to join the group again. When the evening progressed, she told me she'd like my number so we could meet up again sometime. I decided to be honest and told her that I still had feelings for my ex, and didn't see myself dating anyone any time soon. She was disappointed, but she took it rather well.
All that happened yesterday. Needless to say, I still feel terrible about what I did. It felt so wrong to kiss someone I didn't care about. I feel like an immense jackass for how I behaved towards that girl. I treated her like a toy to get over my ex, and I feel terrible about it. I thought I was better than that. And now...
Fuck. I just want this feeling to go away.
So my question is: has anyone got advice on dealing with the immense shame and guilt I'm feeling? | First love broke up with me, and I hooked up with someone to cope with it. Now I feel terrible about it. Has anyone got tips on dealing with the guilt? |
t3_3gwe4a | relationships | I [16 M] have developed feelings for my close friend [16 F] and am unsure if i should act upon these feelings or not | Over the past year we developed a close friendship. She is one of the most incredible people I have met throughout my 3 years of high school and she brings a lot of things to the table that I feel would be very good for me. Summer came around and we've seen each other a few times and I can confirm that I actually do have feelings for her.
Something about her just feels right, I love being around her and a lot of little things about her make me happy. She gives off little signals when we're together (playful touching, cuddling, lengthy eye contact, lots of laughing, etc), it is always like this when we are together. I strongly feel like she would make me a better person by being by my side and I also feel as though I have the power to give her happiness.
The conundrum I am having is that I am unsure of wether or not I should let her know about this. We are close, and I deeply value her friendship but I also feel as though there's no ceiling as to what we could be. I do not want to make things awkward between us because I still have to see her every day throughout the remainder of high school but I do like her. She may not even feel the same way for all I know and for the most part i've been pondering this for the past few weeks. | Developed feelings for a close friend, don't know if i should/if it's worth letting her know i have feelings for her |
t3_3gfa1m | tifu | TIFU by taking my Fiancee and my Father to Pebbles | TIFU by doing as it says in the title... Well my father isn't gay or anything, he just like to embarrass me, my brothers, our girlfriends/fiancee's, even his own damn mother. Well, I took her out on a date... Sadly I didn't have my license, so I had my dad as a chaperon. It all started off nice, dinner, the movie wasn't for another half hour so we went to Pebbles... I went with my Fiancee to look at clothing for her, well my father went the other way around to the woman's clothing... he found the lingerie section and proceeded to scream across the store in a VERY HEAVY feminine voice, screaming for us to come look at the lingerie he found.. we just left the store and walked to the movies across the parking lot, for my father to follow and just ended up getting looks from everyone while we walked out... | Don't take ANYONE who is willing to embarrass you so bad that they will do anything to the store with you. |
t3_2j032o | relationships | Me [16M] with my SO [16] 8 Months, Is it inappropriate? | Basically, I'm not sure if what I'm doing is "inappropriate" or not. My best friend is a girl my age. We're very close, and talk to eachother about literally everything. We're very open to eachother and we fulfill a weird Older Brother/ Little Sister relationship. That being said, we're both kinda weird when it comes to our bodies. We've both seen eachother naked and still do fairly regularly. It's not sexual, neither of us are aroused, but it's more of a "Just got out of the shower, gonna reply to this snap" or "I was too lazy to be fully clothed" kinda deal. Neither one of us is attracted to eachother, no unrequited love or hidden agendas, just an extremely close bond.
Now my girlfriend, she is... kinda possessive. We both are. She gets jealous pretty easily, and I'm afraid to ever reference my best friend around her. Obviously, she doesn't know about my friend and my odd friendship. I don't feel like I'm "cheating" or even that it's outlandishly inappropriate, but I want to hear your opinions. What should I do/What do you think/Do you have any similar situations? | Best friend [F] and I [M] see eachother naked regularly, my SO doesn't know. What should I do, if anything? |
t3_47mr89 | relationships | Me [21 M] with my Girlfriend? [25 F] when is a good (the best?) time to have the "what are we" talk and how? | So I have been seeing this girl for about a month now. Regularly hanging out, dates, netflix, hiking, regular sex and it seems to be going pretty well.
But I'm not really sure what we are. I am looking for a relationship, and one night (pretty early in seeing each other) after sex I drunkenly said something to the accord of "I like hanging out with you, this should be a regular thing, and I'm bad at these types of labels and whatever conversations but you know what I mean right?" She replied along the lines of "yeah I see this as something that could get there"
It's been about two weeks since that "conversation" and things have been going really well! At least as far as I can tell. I also don't want to fuck this up because I really like her and am terrible at having these conversations. I mean I wouldn't really know what to say or when or where but I feel that at this point we should sort of make it clear that we are exclusively dating.
The majority of my relationships at this point have been FWB or casual hook ups from parties/tinder etc. I haven't had real feelings for anyone since high school so I'm more than rusty. | things seem to be going well but I don't know how or when to have the "what are we" talk. |
t3_jw55h | AskReddit | I'm experiencing the worst jet lag of my life. Anybody out there with some advice? | I'm originally from the US, Pacific Time. I work leading adventure trips into the outdoors, and my job leaves me exhausted at the end of the day. Basically, Ive spent the last 6 months working in the sun and sleeping like a baby, every night, at just about the same time.
Ive just started a year at school in Sweden (a 9 hour difference, traveling east), and the jet lag is killing me. Ive been foggy all day, finally make it to nightfall, go to sleep only to wake up 2 hours later, still tired but no chance of sleep. Ive tried exercise, eating at the right times (early dinners even), and no naps during the day. No luck. In fact it's getting worse, last night I slept 30 minutes. Ive been here 1 week so far, I though I would be getting better, not worse!
Im going to lose my marbles soon. Anyone ever experience jet lag this severely? What did you do to fix it? | Just traveled east (a 9 hour difference in time zones) and experiencing worsening jet lag, despite following all the usual advice to the T. Advice? |
t3_2gamid | relationships | Girlfriend (26,F) and I (23, M) of 1.25 years are going through a rough time and trying to figure out if we should stay together or not even though we both love each other. | So this past week I've noticed she's been more distant and she is a grad student. She was busy but also something just wasn't sitting well with me.
I confront her about it and she tells me all these things about how great great of a bf I am, and how she can't wait to see me everyday. She also said that out of all her relationships I was the most attracted she has been to someone and cared about someone.
Last night we went out, it seemed all fun and like we were having a good time. I saw she lied to me about a text she received. I saw who sent it and even gave her a chance to come clean about it, which she confessed.
That lead to a whole argument, and I want to say with some confidence that she's not cheating on me. We're caught in the middle because she feels like I have to play catch up to get to the same point in life she is, she thinks there is a big personality difference and she says she doesn't feel 100% connected (even though a couple of days before she sent me a wall of text to help with my insecurity).
I don't know what to do. We broke up and got back together before and I am in love with her. I can't bear the thought of losing the person I'm in love with, and just as important my best friend. She said she's not fully 100% connected and in love with me but still loves and cares about me a lot.
She says she has a hard time seeing a marriage happening, and idk what I could do to prove her wrong because she thinks I have no direction in my life and she thinks I can't give her memories. I want to prove her wrong, but it seems like she's leaning towards breaking up is the best option. | GF thinks we're at two different parts of life, thinks I can't give her memorable moments, but still says she loves and cares about me so much. I want go preserve what we have and prove her wrong. How? |
t3_2ckm8j | offmychest | I Really Love Life. | Long-time Lurker. First-time poster.
I have been thinking for so long about Life lately and how amazing and bizarre and wonderfully weird it is. I love everything about it so damn much.
Have you ever been in one of those moods where everything just seems to flow and you know, you just KNOW that things will be fine? As if Life is this collective moving force pushing you through space and time. That everything is working out and going to be great, simply because you think it will be. There is something so incredible about it all that has a smirk always trying to inch into a smile on my face lately. I see everyday objects and events and PEOPLE oh gosh I am simply blown away and in awe at how complex they all are.
I love people. So much so do I love people. Everyone has their own theories but i believe innately, deep down, people are good. We as a species are so incredibly complex and layered on top of foundations built seeking specific desires with different means to the goals. So some people are just lost on their own path to their goal and take it out on others. Anytime anyone is bringing down someone else on purpose, they are really satisfied with it, they are just compensating for their own personal misgivings in life. There is simply the misunderstanding of how different everything and everyone is. The subjectivity which we behold is mind-blowing. Everyone is both similar and different at the same time, and what makes us all so beautiful is what we usually end up fighting over. I've fostered a love of learning about people and what makes them all so different and how they interact, relate, and experience this wild ride. There is simply so much to take in and the amount of new information growing and needed to process is exponential. There is so much beauty in the world, so much being created, so much to love.
I'm somewhat inebriated and have been thinking about all of this for some time now. So this is probably a different kind of offmychest than normal. I'll probably come back later to re-edit and organize my thoughts into something more coherent haha. | Life is amazing and so are people. We should all love each other and make everyones days better. The little things make a big difference. |
t3_2nd7pv | relationships | How can I [18F] support my mother [50F] through getting a divorce from my cheating father [60M]? | My parents have been married for 20 years. Won't go too into depth about my father's affair, but long story short he was planning to just leave us hanging next year and run away with his mistress. (Which, okay, whatever, good riddance.)
My father's a narcissistic piece of trash who thinks that responsibility towards the family is just paying the bills. He's not important, I don't really care what happens to him from here on out.
Anyway, my mother has sacrificed a lot for our family. She gave up her very promising career to care for us because my father was a workaholic who never came home. (She had to give up her job to care for my brother, who has a developmental delay. He still requires care, though not quite as much.) With all that has happened, my mum feels like she's lost her dignity. She no longer has a career, she's been humiliated and insulted, and my father is just waiting for the divorce papers to be served so that he can leave with no responsibilities. | Mum feels shitty because she gave up her entire life for my father and it didn't pay off, how can I help her get through this? |
t3_4bu5vc | relationships | Me [33F] with my boyfriend [30M] of ~6m, he said something that upset me when I woke up today, can't figure it out wtf is going on | Today I woke up from a late nap and my boyfriend was laying in bed with me (he was on break from work). I sleepily asked him "whatcha doing?" and he responded "Thinking of all the times you were mean to me".
I was confused by this (I still am), and asked him why he was thinking about that and what started that train of thought, but he wouldn't answer.
I left to take care of something, and when I returned, he was still laying down. I asked him again and he playfully said "hush" and told me not to worry about it.
It's out of nowhere because we haven't been fighting and had a great night last night, filled with daredevil, snacks and cuddles.
Now I'm upset and he's at work, messaging me, asking me if we're okay and telling me it was nothing, he's sorry he told me, and that he loves me. I haven't said anything back because he's at work and I don't want to start an argument while he's working a double. I just don't understand where the hell this is coming from and if I should be as upset/offended as I am. | out of nowhere, bf said he was thinking of all the times I was mean to him while I was sleeping and I dk wtf to do/say |
t3_2qhoy2 | relationships | My GF (20 F) loves dance, but I (21 M) really hate it. | We live in Cali, Colombia, and this city is known as the "salsa capital", because the dance history in here, and the love that the people have to latin music. So, yeah, everyone loves dance around here. In addition, we are in the "Feria de Cali" (Cali Fair), which means a whole week where seemingly everyone wants go to dance clubs (my worst time of the year).
The thing is that my girlfriend really loves dancing, but I don't. I've tried to change that by taking dance lessons, and the truth is that I don't really like it, feel very uncomfortable and I'm not enjoying it at all. I just think that kind of fun is not for me, but I keep trying, mainly for her, and for share something that she loves together.
Today she invited me to a dance club with some people I don't meet. I said yes, but really don't want to go, there will be a lot of people and I'm scare. The truth is that I'm doing this for her, but I start thinking if this is the right thing to do. I mean, she hasn't done many of the things that she knows that I would really like to, for example rock concerts, camping or travel just she and me alone. So, somethings I think that I do more things for her that she makes for me, and that make me feel really bad.
I don't know, maybe I should talk to her o I'm just overreacting? | I don't know if it worth doing things that I don't want for my girlfriend when I don't feel that she do the same. |
t3_4y3aa4 | relationships | Me [25 F] with my boyfriend [33 M] of 3 months; communication advice | I have been dating my boyfriend for three months, and I can tell that I care for him much more than anyone else I have dated in the past. We were friends for about nine months before we started dating, so we know each other very well and are very comfortable with each other. With that being said, I do not have a significant dating history, especially compared to his, as he is 33 (8 years older). He has had a few long-term relationships and lived with a previous girlfriend, so he has a lot more tools in his toolbox to work on relationships. I, on the other hand, have not had any significant relationships. I have dated a bit, but always chose "flight" over "fight" when it came to dealing with the hard or emotional stuff.
I am not good at dealing with conflict in my own life (which is especially ironic since I am a professional mediator/facilitator) and am concerned that I am going to screw this up with my inability to have hard conversations and communicate what I need/want. We have not had any huge hurdles this early on, but I find myself unable to express my feelings even in positive (but emotional) situations, like when we had the DTR conversation. I have spoken with my boyfriend about this, and he has been great about making me feel more comfortable communicating, but it is still challenging. When I try to pull away from more emotional or difficult topics he doesn't let me back out and really pushes for me to be honest. However, getting anything out of me is like pulling teeth. While he hasn't brought it up as an issue at this point, I can certainly imagine it will be a real hindrance in the future.
What advice/recommendations do you have to help me improve my communication skills so that I can more healthily work on my relationship? Are there any books that would be useful to read? Is this normal? Is it just a symptom of my lack of relationship experience and will improve with time? Please help me suck less! | I have been dating my bf for 3 months and am struggling to have hard or emotion conversations because of my communication skills (or lack thereof). Any advice/recommendations? |
t3_31a7f8 | Advice | My future and how my grades determine it | Do grades really completely determine your future?
Is the future, mostly the near future involving college, earning degrees, and getting a job that you don't hate as monolithic as people make it to be?
I am passionate about Physics, Technology, Music, and Languages but I will likely not get a job in Music because to this day I can only play the recorder and I can't read sheet music. I probably won't get a job in Physics and Technology because I suck at Math (which I can fix, I just need to work harder). I could get a job in Languages or Interpretation but that doesn't get my blood pumping as much as the other two. | Do grades determine your future and is the future as monolithic as people point it out to be? What are some jobs that I could get that fulfill my passions? At this point I'll take any advice. |
t3_1ghoed | Pets | Rescued a lab three weeks ago, he's showing symptoms of Distemper Virus. HELP! | Long time lurker, first time posting. A black Labrador followed me home three and a half weeks ago. I called nearby shelters, hung flyers, put ads up on craigslist, and more, searching for his owner. After two weeks he was legally mine. Absolutely love this dog! He follows me everywhere and is really good with my kids. First things first, I scheduled an appointment with vet for vaccinations.
Two days ago Monty started having convulsions, eyes rolling and rocking, mouth twitching. I called vet and asked what it could be, and they wanted me to bring him in. This week we paid two of our monthly bills and are broke. I start researching his symptoms and realize they fit Distemper Virus. When I rescued him he had white conjunctivitis, runny nose, and reddish eyes. Vet said it was just allergies. I had mentioned to my SO how Monty was acting sad and depressed one day.(symptom) Also I usually mix wet food with dry food, when I ran out of the wet food I noticed he would wait a couple hours before eating it. (Lose of appetite, another symptom).
It wasn't until he had the convulsions that I realized he was even sick. Later that day the conjunctivitis had turned green. I've been calling emergency pet clinics for two days, trying to find one that would see and treat him and bill me. Applied for care credit and was denied. Usually when I let him in from outside, he is excited and jumps on me, however tonight he was jumping, barking and bit me harder than ever. Other symptoms of wandering in circles, shaking head left to right quickly, and what is called chewing gum fit.
I'm calling the vet again in the morning, hoping to persuade them to see him and bill me. This virus is fatal in 50% of adult dogs. Suggestions, advice, resources, anything that can help me save my dog Monty's life!!! | rescued dog, has multiple symptoms of Distemper virus, broke until Friday, has a vet appointment scheduled for Saturday, scared he may not live to go to vet. |
t3_29kltq | dating_advice | Been in a relationship once (and it crashed and burned), but have no idea how to date. Dumb as a brick when it comes to social intelligence. Suggestions? | Really, when it comes to picking up signals, body language and, well, conversation, in general, I'm blind as a fucking bat.
I'm not antisocial, just asocial. I guess I'm a 5/10. I was once in a relationship - and the lord knows how - but that ended a while back (and boy did it end in a horribly complicated manner.)
Even still, I still have no idea on how to date. Most of my conversations end up with a totally dead mood probably not because I'm boring, but because I just make things weird as hell. And there've been instances where I've been told that what I'm saying or doing may be mistaken for flirting gestures, and the lot. Any ways to repair this? | I have no idea what I do IRL when talking to girls but whatever I do does the opposite, and still fails doing the opposite successfully. Help? |
t3_4zggkw | dating_advice | When is the best time/place/method to ask someone out? | *(Throwaway and names changed)*
For the past summer I [16F]have been spending some time trying to befriend/date a guy named Alex [16M]. We met at the end of the school year through a mutual friend, who plays video games with him in a friend group.
I joined the gaming group Alex's in to keep in contact. It worked out pretty well- usually once every couple of weeks I'd invite him and a couple mutual friends out to hangout,(like going mini golfing and rollerblading or watching a movie) with one time resulting with him and I hanging out alone since our friends couldn't make it.(but I fucked up and don't know how to flirt tho neither does he exactly so it felt like friends without me hinting to him or idk..) Other times we'd be able to talk some nights while playing. Eventually his summer job took too much time up so I haven't seen him in a while.
After several group hangouts, I realized I should ask him out in person, probably at his work. As work wasn't the best place to ask I sent him a text instead... but he was busy- tho he said he wanted to come when I said it was ok if he didn't want to go. We dint end up going tho since neither Alex or I responded as he and I were both pretty busy.
Now it's the end of the summer, and there's a party this Friday. Usually I was the one asking/inviting him to events, but this event's hosted by another friend of mine who knows I like Alex. I sorta want to ask him out bluntly.. At the party. Is it too much for me to go ahead and ask him, or have I already invested a ton? Should I see if he makes a move? I can't tell how he feels, and Alex's not the most social person and has Anxiety so that might be keeping him from hinting.. maybe. | wondering when is the best time to ask someone out since I've tried to ask a friend out but not sure if I should ask him out at a party this Friday after inviting him to group activities |
t3_qa283 | BreakUps | (ex-)GF broke up with me after 2.5 years. We are in a Long Relationship and now she is super friendly to me! What do I do? I can't be phony! | 18-M I live in US since 2011., 19-F (She lives in Brazil).We used to be a very good couple, happy etc. But one day she cheated on me and told me 1 day after. I was really mad and we stayed about 1 month without talking with eachother. After tha everything was corrected and we were fine. She started to change and getting angry/sad abouth little things and blamed me for making her that wayಠ_ಠ . When she broke up she said she couldn't wait for me till 2013 (february I will go back to Brazil), she also said that she doesn't handle to be angry/sad about those little things.
The problem is... She broke up with me 1 week ago. Now she is kinda SUPER friendly. (let me give you an example, my name is... "Hash"... So she could start a conversation like that "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHHHH, How are you!!?? :D". - dafuq, really? -) I don't want to be rude/mean but I can't be phony being "friendly" to someone that breaks my heart!! Also, I'm pretty sure that she wants to come back with me when I come to Brazil, but really, I'm feeling like a Puppet in her hands.
So, What do I do? Should I tell her what? I'm confused, I don't want to be rude even to people that I don't like. | I mean, she broke up with me, start to be BETTER than it was as a GF. And I can't be the good guy that I was before. |
t3_2i010d | relationships | Me [27F] with my SO [24M] and Ex- Husband [26M] Am I being insensitive/ Is this inappropriate? | Back story: My ex-husband was injured in Afghanistan about 5 years ago. His mental state afterwards had declined so much (he admitted to cheating, didn't want to stop, and had become violent/confrontational, compulsive liar), I felt I had no other options but to file for a divorce and a restraining order. The judge recommended 5 years.
Now, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and he feels very attached to my children and treats them like his own. He knows how bad my ex-husband hurt me and so he feels a lot of anger towards my ex.
Here's the kicker. My ex-husband took me to court just a few weeks ago and he was granted supervised visitation. I am allowed to be the one supervising. Despite a rocky start, things are going surprisingly well. The kids love spending time with their dad. This really hurts my boyfriend deeply when they talk about seeing their dad. He feels like they are going to love him less, that sort of thing.
Well, this month is my daughter's 7th birthday. Would it be insensitive to go out to dinner with my kids and my ex-husband alone without my boyfriend? We (my ex and I) are still in the very early phases of rebuilding a relationship, and I don't feel comfortable having my boyfriend come along just yet. I know there would be tension and I'm just not going to deal with that right now.
What do I do? | Am I being insensitive by going to hang out with my kids and ex-husband without my boyfriend for my daughter's birthday? |
t3_307t8k | relationships | I [23 F] am having conflicting thoughts about my relationship with my boyfriend [22 M] | I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and I love him a lot. We get along incredibly well and hardly ever fight. We both understand each other very well and are very, very comfortable together.
To put it simply, I know that he is the man I want to marry. I know that I want to be with him for the rest of my life, and have kids with him and all that bullshit.
But simultaneously I have recently been feeling bored of our relationship, especially our sex life. I have tried to tell him that we should change it up and do new things and I've been subtly re-orienting a few things to make it better for me. But it's still not particularly working for me.
Tbh I just want to be single again. I want to download tinder, and go out to clubs and just find people and have sex with them. I want variety.
But I don't want to jeopardize what I have with my boyfriend.
How do I deal with this reddit? | I love my bf, but our sex life isn't satisfying me anymore and I want to have sex with other people. |
t3_3b448l | relationships | I [22F] feel threatened by male attention. | I have never felt comfortable with sexual male attention. I am not an unattractive woman, and I know that men look at me. As soon as a conversation switches from being platonic and pleasantly flirty (which I thoroughly enjoy because I feel like it won't lead to any vulnerability or sex) to being sexual and hungry, I panic. My stomach drops, I feel ill, and I bail. This happens both in person and over text with men that I have "recreationally dated". Over the years, I have developed sarcasm and teasing as a means of talking my way around these interactions, but ultimately I shy away from men who see me in a sexual light. As a result, I have never been able to form meaningfully deep romantic relationships with men, and that's a big problem for me as I want to see myself in a relationship eventually. I don't even like the idea that one's sexuality is an integral part of being a person. It makes me nervous and, if I'm being honest, a little disgusted and disappointed in myself.
How do I work on this? I have been going to a psychotherapist who has helped me make great progress with issues relating to intimacy, honesty, and self-value, but I have left her for three months to pursue work in a new area of the country. Anyone else experienced the shame and disgust at feeling objectified, and what did you do to shift your thinking? | Feel disgusted, vulnerable by male sexual attention. I feel uncomfortable being wanted. How do I feel differently about being the center of someone's sexual attention? |
t3_3887t0 | relationships | Me [24 M] and my gf [23 F] of 4 years are at different points in our lives | So I've been with my gf for 4 years and we're quite happy when we're together. However she has really protective parents that don't allow her to come over to my place or spend the night together anywhere (which automatically means that we can't spend any extended period of time together).
I've been working full time for about a year now and I'm looking to move out from my parents place and become independent, but she's going to be studying for at least another 4 years, being heavily reliant on her parents for funding.
I feel like there's a lot of tension building between us because I want to be able to spend more time with her but her parents won't allow it, and she won't do anything because she doesn't want to anger her parents.
I'm not okay with how things currently are, and I'm concerned her parents attitude won't change at all.
Has anyone else encountered conservative parents before and how did you manage to get them to warm up to you (if at all)? | I'm becoming independent and want to spend more time with gf. She is becoming increasingly dependent on her parents who don't like us being together for more than a couple of hours at a time. |
t3_iwolh | relationships | Friendship ended over stupid misunderstanding, should I do anything to fix it? | Details: me 27f friend 41m. For Americans substitute tube=subway and pub=bar, if it makes it easier.
So yesterday I was meant to be meeting a friend, someone I consider(ed) a good friend (we've know each other a few years) and I was looking forward to us catching up. Bear in mind all communication was via text message or FB chat.
We'd arranged the day to meet and the time a few days ago, but not where to meet or where we were going. I only find out a couple of hours before leaving work the pub name (I'd not heard of it) and I was developing a cold and didn't want to walk far from the tube station, so I'd said I didn't want to go to that pub. He has a habit of picking pubs where we can't get a seat or decent food, or have a conversation because the place is loud and packed with people, and I didn't fancy it feeling rotten. But I was willing to go and see how I felt, and I tried calling 3 times once I left work, got no reply. Then I saw his FB status had changed to say he was stood up. I had by this point sent him another text saying I didn't know how to get to the pub and heard nothing back. Then checked my FB messages to see he'd assumed by my poorly worded earlier message that I didn't want to go.
Then ensued a tirade of abuse (by text message) about how I always changed my mind 2 hrs before us meeting (I don't), and that we always went where I wanted to go (for reasons above such as getting a decent meal I suggested maybe TWICE we go to other places) and that he didn't want 500 crap good time friends but just a few decent ones. I said if he was likening me to those kinds of friends then the friendship must be over. In the past he'd called me his best friend and said I was the only one he could talk to about deep stuff. I was hurt and just told him if he couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone to sort this out then not to contact me again. | Friend ended a friendship over a miscommunication, should I try to fix it or just let it go? Feel free to ask for further details. |
t3_1iyjcv | tifu | TIFU by not having enough alcohol | I really fucked up this time, About two days ago i was having a few afternoon drinks at my house because it was a mates birthday and was going to go clubbing later that night, the four of us that where drinking together finished a carton of beer extremely faster then usual, I decided we had heaps more time to drink before we went clubbing, the problem was that we had no more alcohol and didn't want to walk to buy anymore. My genius of a drunk mind thought it was a good idea to bring my friends down the street to my uncles house who was having dinner at my mother in laws house. The house was empty and he had alot of hard liquor at his house which i remembered so we went in and started drinking there for abit falling over and knocking things around.
My friend left the lounge room and walked towards the toilet and fell over grabbing a urn which was my grandmothers onto the ground and he screams and calls all of us over and we scream, I then vomit all over the ashes and my friends are vomiting through out the house. We cleaned the house up as best we could and haven't told my grandfather what happened with the urn yet. | Went to my grandfathers house to steal alcohol, knock and vomit on my grandmothers urn and feel extremely guilty without know one else knowing other then my friends who were there. |
t3_3iab9i | relationships | Girlfriend doesn't want me on the title to the house. | My girlfriend (F26) of 6 years and I (M27) have decided to buy a home, she inherited a good amount of money from a relative's passing. We negotiated a decent price, and her father has agreed loan us the remainder on the price on a 30 year amortization schedule with the current federal interest rate.
When we got the the title work portion of the deal, i was told that i am not allowed to be on the title. Now i looked at tenants in common, where she could own 90% and I, 10%. Something like that, I don't want to come off as wanting to swindle someone out of money. That is not my intention at all, it could be 99-1 for all i care. I just would like my name to be on the title, so I can be a "homeowner". Otherwise i would just feel like (and be) a tenant once again. Should i be push this issue, or let it go? | Girlfriend makes down-payment, her and her family don't want me on the title at all while paying my 1/2 of every mortgage/bill. |
t3_lt5cg | AskReddit | My girlfriend could be pregnant, what do you guys think? | Hey guys,
We've got a bit of a dilemma here. My girlfriend could be pregnant, but we're not sure.
She didn't have a "stop-week" with the pill for the last 9 weeks until a week ago (last sunday). Normally she has quite a blood flow in her menstrual week, but this time there was just a bit of blood. This has only happened once before and she was pregnant then (Normally she ALWAYS, and ALWAYS the pretty big blood loss) . This was about 4 years ago with her ex. She had the baby removed. (Happened while she was on antibiotics )
The last time we had sex was I think that sunday (perhaps monday), and usually have sex every day except when she is in her menstrual thingy. We never use a condom and I always ejaculate in her. She was on ibuprofen for the last 2 weeks due to her wisdom teeth being removed (also was anesthetized), perhaps that blocked the pill's job?
We bought a pregnancy test but tomorrow will probably be her last day of her menstrual cycle, so we're going to use it tomorrow or monday, but I would really like your input on this!
Do you think she is pregnant? It is really weird that the blood loss in her menstrual cycle is a bare minimum, and it only happened once before, when she was pregnant :/ | Girlfriend has minimal blood loss in her menstrual cycle, last (and only) time this happened she was pregnant, first stop week (from the pill) in 9 weeks. |
t3_2ct70m | relationships | Me ( 36M ) with my GF ( 32F ) of a little over a year, she has trouble dealing with my ( sexual ) past. | Alright so like the title says, my girlfriend can't deal with my sexual history. Let me say our relationship is pretty much perfect aside from this issue, she's very kind, an amazing cook, super talented and highly intelligent.
About a month ago the subject of exes/sexual past came up and it turns out there's quite a disparity between us, to say the least I was a bit of an animal when I was younger, I would estimate my count close to triple digits including flings when I lived abroad ( Russia, Brazil etc ).
She, on the other hand, has only ever had two long term relationships.
I don't understand why she feels bad about this, to me the past is the past. She now thinks im being unfair because I did a lot of special things with these other girls that I really have no desire to repeat now that im ready to settle down ( I did a lot of traveling back in my day, crazy romantic trips to Paris, ridiculously expensive jewelry on a whim ). I also feel she resents the fact that im not nearly as athletic as I was in my late twenties/early thirties.
I also have a major problem with oral sex, I never really enjoyed it but I obliged in previous relationships because I felt I more or less had to. Now that im older I feel comfortable enough to not do it anymore, it really doesn't do anything for me. | Im quite a bit more experienced than my partner, she seems to resent me for it, how do I help her move past this? |
t3_1ucg63 | relationships | Me [28/M] with my Friend [27/F] of 4 years, looking to become 'real' with her. | I'm 28. I've been friends with a girl for about 4 years and she's always seen me as a dick and smooth talker, and has always hated me for it...a few months ago we had a random weird hangout with just us and I opened up a little bit and got a little bit vulnerable and now she's always telling me that she wants me to be 'real' around her like I was that night.
I have a pretty long history of playing women, being smooth, compliments off the top of my head, etc. I also have a history of being a general asshole to people.
But when her and I started talking serious I began to let my emotions and vulnerabilities show a bit and she fell for those. However, I am really not sure how to be 'real' around her (or anyone else) because I've been acting like such a dick for so long to get women into bed with me and also to protect myself from getting hurt.
I've decided I want to learn to be 'real' and be who I really am, but am not sure how to go about being that person. Can anyone give me some tips on how to be more open and real, and be less fake and 'acting' like I've grown accustomed to?
She knows I love her, and she has very strong feelings for me, however she has told me she's extremely cautious because she's falling for the 'real' me, but because I'm always being smooth with her out of habit she's afraid that 'real' side isn't going to be there as much.
I feel really stupid looking for advice on how to be 'real' but I just don't know what to do, I WANT to be real, but I'm not sure how to get back to who I really am inside. | Girl wants me to be open and real with her, not sure how to become more real and less of the actor I'm used to being with women. |
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