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Bender | Just as well; I think he comes from a dimension that's big on musical theatre. | Fry | Pst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. |
Fry | Pst. I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show. | Bender | Can do! |
Bender | Can do! | The | Hip Joint janitor Oh, my! Eurgh! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes. |
The | Hip Joint janitor Oh, my! Eurgh! I'm sorry, I thought you had two eyes. | Bender | So, Leela, you must have had your pick of the litter last night at closing time. |
Bender | So, Leela, you must have had your pick of the litter last night at closing time. | Leela | Could you guys please stop talking about my personal life? |
Leela | Could you guys please stop talking about my personal life? | Farnsworth | Yes, let's all talk about Leela's personal life later. But right now we have business to attend to. |
Farnsworth | Yes, let's all talk about Leela's personal life later. But right now we have business to attend to. | Fry | A delivery? |
Fry | A delivery? | Farnsworth | No. A tax-deductible mission of charity. |
Farnsworth | No. A tax-deductible mission of charity. | Computer | Voice. |
Computer | Voice. | Farnsworth | This is Vergon 6. |
Farnsworth | This is Vergon 6. | Farnsworth | It's a sunny little doomed planet, inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals. |
Farnsworth | It's a sunny little doomed planet, inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals. | Leela | Animals? |
Leela | Animals? | Farnsworth, | each pound of which weighs over ten thousand pounds. |
Farnsworth, | each pound of which weighs over ten thousand pounds. | Leela | Wait! What about the animals? |
Leela | Wait! What about the animals? | Farnsworth | Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out, leaving the planet completely hollow. |
Farnsworth | Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out, leaving the planet completely hollow. | Leela | Yes, but what about the animals? |
Leela | Yes, but what about the animals? | Farnsworth | The wha? |
Farnsworth | The wha? | Leela | The animals. |
Leela | The animals. | Farnsworth | I didn't say anything about animals. Now it seems that the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally, this will kill all the animals. |
Farnsworth | I didn't say anything about animals. Now it seems that the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally, this will kill all the animals. | Bender | Oh! |
Bender | Oh! | Fry | I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. |
Fry | I bet you Leela's holding out for a nice guy with one eye. | Bender | That'll take forever. What she oughta do is find a nice guy with two eyes, then poke one out. |
Bender | That'll take forever. What she oughta do is find a nice guy with two eyes, then poke one out. | Fry | Yeah, that'd be a timesaver. |
Fry | Yeah, that'd be a timesaver. | Leela | Do you mind? |
Leela | Do you mind? | Bender | You can use this as an eye-poker. |
Bender | You can use this as an eye-poker. | Leela | Thank you. But I don't care how many eyes a man has ... as long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident... |
Leela | Thank you. But I don't care how many eyes a man has ... as long as it's less than five. All I'm looking for is a guy who's adventurous, self-confident... | Leela | ...maybe a snappy dresser. |
Leela | ...maybe a snappy dresser. | Zapp | These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, first officer? |
Zapp | These new uniforms are pretty snappy, eh, first officer? | Kif | as you are. Now what do you want to do about that unidentified ship? |
Kif | as you are. Now what do you want to do about that unidentified ship? | Zapp | Mmm! That's got a nice feel to it. |
Zapp | Mmm! That's got a nice feel to it. | Zapp | Captain's journal: Star date, 3000.3. |
Zapp | Captain's journal: Star date, 3000.3. | Kif | Who are you talking to, sir? |
Kif | Who are you talking to, sir? | Zapp | We have detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight, followed by a light dinner ... ravioli, ham, sundae bar. |
Zapp | We have detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight, followed by a light dinner ... ravioli, ham, sundae bar. | Leela | Hey, look! That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. |
Leela | Hey, look! That's Zapp Brannigan's ship. | Fry | Zapp Brannigan? |
Fry | Zapp Brannigan? | Leela | Uh-huh! |
Leela | Uh-huh! | Fry | Zapp Brannigan? |
Fry | Zapp Brannigan? | Kif | Shall I fire on them now, sir? |
Kif | Shall I fire on them now, sir? | Zapp | What? |
Zapp | What? | Fry | Wow! |
Fry | Wow! | Bender | A grim day for robot-kind. Ah, but we can always build more Killbots! |
Bender | A grim day for robot-kind. Ah, but we can always build more Killbots! | Fry | Leela's got a boyfriend! |
Fry | Leela's got a boyfriend! | Leela | No I don't. But I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. |
Leela | No I don't. But I think we ought to meet with him and see if he'll help us rescue those animals. | Kif | Sir, they're headed straight for us. |
Kif | Sir, they're headed straight for us. | Zapp | But the one thing their captain doesn't realise and never will is that-- |
Zapp | But the one thing their captain doesn't realise and never will is that-- | Kif | Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. |
Kif | Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard. | Zapp | If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter, have it sent to my P.O. box. |
Zapp | If that wicker chair I like survives the slaughter, have it sent to my P.O. box. | Leela | Hello, I'm Leela, captain of the Planet Express delivery ship. We've come aboard to plead for your assistance. |
Leela | Hello, I'm Leela, captain of the Planet Express delivery ship. We've come aboard to plead for your assistance. | Kif | Well, if there's anything-- |
Kif | Well, if there's anything-- | Zapp | I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me or was I too quick for you? |
Zapp | I'm in command here. Zapp Brannigan. Has my fame preceded me or was I too quick for you? | Leela | Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh, really thrilled to meet you! |
Leela | Oh, not at all. I'm just so, uh, really thrilled to meet you! | Zapp | You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly -- a potent combination. |
Zapp | You're an impressive piece of captain. Beautiful and deadly -- a potent combination. | Leela | You don't mean that! |
Leela | You don't mean that! | Zapp | But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you, and only one who was deadlier. |
Zapp | But I do. I doubt I've seen more than three or four captains sexier than you, and only one who was deadlier. | Fry | I heard that one time you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something-something-system. |
Fry | I heard that one time you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something-something-system. | Zapp | The Killbots? A trifle! It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. |
Zapp | The Killbots? A trifle! It was simply a matter of outsmarting them. | Fry | Wow! I never would have thought of that! |
Fry | Wow! I never would have thought of that! | Zapp | A little more ... more ... keep going. |
Zapp | A little more ... more ... keep going. | Leela | Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. |
Leela | Captain Brannigan, we really need to talk to you about our mission. | Zapp | Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? |
Zapp | Whatever it is, I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal. Right, men? | Crewman | You suck! |
Crewman | You suck! | Leela | We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction. And if you could just-- |
Leela | We're hoping to save the animals of Vergon 6 from extinction. And if you could just-- | Zapp | Vergon 6? This light dinner is over. |
Zapp | Vergon 6? This light dinner is over. | Leela | Wait! What's wrong? |
Leela | Wait! What's wrong? | Leela | But people already interfered. That planet was mined completely hollow. |
Leela | But people already interfered. That planet was mined completely hollow. | Zapp | Yes, by a Democratic Order of Planets mining crew. |
Zapp | Yes, by a Democratic Order of Planets mining crew. | Leela | This doesn't make any sense. |
Leela | This doesn't make any sense. | Zapp | I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it. |
Zapp | I don't pretend to understand Brannigan's Law. I merely enforce it. | Leela | Fine! We'll save the animals without your help. |
Leela | Fine! We'll save the animals without your help. | Zapp | I'm afraid I can't allow that. Guards! |
Zapp | I'm afraid I can't allow that. Guards! | Fry | What just happened? |
Fry | What just happened? | Bender | He's throwing us in prison. |
Bender | He's throwing us in prison. | Fry | Dang! Can I get this wrapped up? |
Fry | Dang! Can I get this wrapped up? | Leela | Ow! I might've liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison. |
Leela | Ow! I might've liked Zapp Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison. | Bender | You really are too picky. |
Bender | You really are too picky. | Zapp | Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. |
Zapp | Kif, follow me up to the observation deck. I've got some musing to do. | Kif | Oh, jeez! |
Kif | Oh, jeez! | Zapp | I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? |
Zapp | I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions? | Kif | I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B-10.8-1. |
Kif | I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B-10.8-1. | Zapp | You mean Brannigan's Law? |
Zapp | You mean Brannigan's Law? | Kif | Right, that law. |
Kif | Right, that law. | Zapp | Which one? |
Zapp | Which one? | Kif | Brannigan's Law. |
Kif | Brannigan's Law. | Zapp | This time we are sure she's a woman, right? |
Zapp | This time we are sure she's a woman, right? | Zapp | lay out my formal shorts. |
Zapp | lay out my formal shorts. | Kif | The boy, sir? |
Kif | The boy, sir? | Zapp | You. You lay out my formal shorts. |
Zapp | You. You lay out my formal shorts. | Kif | wants to see you in his quarters. |
Kif | wants to see you in his quarters. | Leela | Good. This will be my chance to reason with him, captain to captain. |
Leela | Good. This will be my chance to reason with him, captain to captain. | Kif | And he wants you to wear this. |
Kif | And he wants you to wear this. | Zapp | Come and get it! |
Zapp | Come and get it! | Zapp | Well I have studied abroad. Or two! |
Zapp | Well I have studied abroad. Or two! | Leela | Captain-- |
Leela | Captain-- | Zapp | Uh-huh? |
Zapp | Uh-huh? | Leela | If we could speak seriously for a moment-- |
Leela | If we could speak seriously for a moment-- | Zapp | Uh-huh? |
Zapp | Uh-huh? | Leela | I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. |
Leela | I'd like you to reconsider letting us rescue those animals. | Zapp | I like your style. I find it very... (whispering) erotic. |
Zapp | I like your style. I find it very... (whispering) erotic. | Leela | What? |
Leela | What? | Zapp | Erotic! |
Subsets and Splits