Non-SpongeBob Dialogue
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Mr. Krabs: That's it! Larry, how would you like to manage the Krusty Krab while I'm on vacation? Larry: Larry's got his own gym to run. | Come on, Larry. It'll be fun. |
Larry: Larry loves fun! I'm in. Mr. Krabs: All right! Ah! | Oh, hey, Larry. How you liking your new job? |
Larry: Larry likes it just fine. But do the customers always eat like this? | Oh, no. They normally eat like this! |
Larry: Those poor people. Someone needs to whip them into shape. Squidward: What'll you have? Fred: Uh...I'll have a double Krabby Patty, Krabby fries, and uh—whoa! Squidward: What else? Fred: Uh, uh—a Krabby soda...Uh, uh—a Krabby... My leg! Squidward: Hey! Can I help you? Frank: Yeah, I'll take a Krabby salad, dressing on the side, and 60 more minutes on this rad treadmill. Squidward: Here's your change. Larry: Here's your order, sir. And don't forget your side salad! Frank: Yeah! Push it, push it! Larry: Push it, push it! Octavius Rex: Okay, okay. I'll push it. Larry: Push it, push it! Frank: Yeah, push it! | Yes, you made it! Now, claim your Krabby Patty! |
Octavius Rex: Hooray... | Aww, too pooped for a Krabby Patty. |
Larry: Ah, forget Krabby Patties. Those things are over. | But Larry, Krabby Patties are why people come here. |
Larry: Ooh, not anymore. Now we only serve salads and protein power shakes! | Ooh, power shake! I wanna taste. |
Larry: You like? | No, Larry. No. |
Larry: But it gets you jacked! | I don't wanna be jacked. I just want my Krabby Patties back. |
Larry: Everybody wants to get jacked. Frank: Yeah, jacked! | Look, Larry, I really think we should go back to serving Krabby Patties. People love the... Larry? |
Larry: Jacked. Larry: SpongeBob! Squidward! Let's move it, boys. Get those power shakes out and those heart rates up! | Sorry! |
Squidward: Whoa! Bubble Bass: Oh! Horrible sustenance. Squidward: Let's get outta here! | Pardon my reach. |
Squidward: Go on without me! No, wait, don't. | Squidward, I know Larry means well, but he's messing up the Krusty Krab! This used to be a shrine to the delicious Krabby Patty. Now it's just a stinky gym. |
Larry: Feel...the...burn! | Squidward, go tell Larry he's fired. |
Squidward: Are you crazy? He is way too big for that. We need to come at this another way—a smart, dignified way! I know—we'll sabotage the place. And I know just where to start: the power shakes. | I'm on it! |
Squidward: Wait, wait—what about me? | Butter! Lard! Mayonnaise. And now, fry it all up into a greasy, heart-stopping surprise! Here you go. |
Larry: I'm loving this oily concoction. It really makes Larry's muscles pop! Thanks, SpongeBob. | Okay, that failed. What now? |
Squidward: We'll sabotage the weight machines. Then these muscle heads will have to find a new place to work out! | Gotcha! |
Squidward: Wait, you idiot! Get me out of here. Frank: Awesome workout, bro! | Oh, I don't know what to do. I guess this place belongs to the gym guys now. |
Squidward: Don't leave me, SpongeBob! Wait, what am I saying? Customers: Help us! Hungry! | What are you all doing out here? You should just go home. |
Harold: We can't go home. There's no Krabby Patties at home. I need my Krabby Patties, man! You gotta help me! Customers: Help us! Help! Help! | Krabby Patties—that's it! Those gym guys have forgotten the simple, greasy pleasure of munching on a Krabby Patty, and we need to remind them. |
Larry and the gym guys: Huh? Larry: SpongeBob, you're ruining Larry's pump sesh. | Larry, you're ruining the Krusty Krab! |
Larry: Get 'em, men! | Fire! |
Gym Guys: Mmm! Frank: Get over here! Mmm. Oh, gimme, gimme! Squidward: Give him a single! Give him a double with cheese! | Yeah! |
Gym Guys: Huh? | Give into the flavor, Larry! |
Larry: Never! | He's too fast. We need a distraction. Here, use this. |
Larry: No, you gotta keep your elbow— Oh! Greasy, fatty, sticky, and gummy! It's delicious! Larry's been a fool. I've spent all my time working on my muscles when I could've been working on these delicious sandwiches. What's—what's wrong with me? Bubble Bass: Now those are some sad pecs. | Aw, don't be sad, Larry. You were just trying to help people get into shape. Eh—looks like your gym has some new customers. |
Squidward: Somebody let me out of this thing already! Mr. Krabs: Home sweet home. Hmm? | Order up! |
Mr. Krabs: Everything's just how I left it. | And slowly... Ever so slowly... The ancient crypt door creeps open... And from the festering brine of the darkest darkness, crawled forth monsters of such vile nature, whose appearance was so hideous and threatening, that the author died trying to recount them in this novel! That story is so scary! But it's only a story, right, Gary? Why don't you sleep up here tonight, Gary? Well, I guess I should turn off the light now. Sure is dark. Oh, it's just a chair! I guess I'm imagining things in the dark. Whoa! Another monster! Oh, it's just a coral branch. Nothing to be scared of! What was that? |
Mr. Krabs: Hey, Squidward, have you seen SpongeBob? Mr. Krabs: Whoa. You don't look so good, laddie. | Oh, it's nothing, Mr. Krabs. I just had a rough night. But it's nice and bright today! |
Mr. Krabs: Meandering mermaids! What's all this racket, boy? | The dark! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! |
Mr. Krabs: What is it now, boy? | Whenever I blink, I see nothing but the darkness! |
Mr. Krabs: Then don't blink. | Great idea, Mr. Krabs. Yes, it's working... |
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, thats enough! We've got fifty orders to fill! Now go in the cooler and get some fresh patties. | You want me to go in there? Save me, the darkness! |
Mr. Krabs: Now, look here. Your work is starting to affect me profits. You need to get some shut-eye. Why don't you get yourself a night light? | Night light? |
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, boy! It'll keep your room lit, so you won't be scared stiff! | Great idea, Mr. Krabs. Night light, night light... Oh! Oh, it's beautiful! Excuse me! Are these night lights guaranteed to keep the creepy creatures of the dark away? |
Gale: If I answer Yes, will you leave the store sooner? | Now that I can see... Woo-hoo! I can sleep! I wonder what's in my dark, scary-looking bathroom! Night light! Night light! Oh, thank you, thank you! There, there, there, and there. I've been needing to change your tail light anyways, Gary. Now there's not one square inch of dark! |
Gary: Meow. | What was that, Gary? |
Gary: Meow. | You're right, Gary! I've got darkness inside of me! |
Patrick: SpongeBob's having a party without me? Hmph! Throw a party without your best friend? Oh, we'll just see about that. | That was close, Patrick! You're safe under these night lights. But you can't go out in the dark, buddy! You don't know what kind of creepy critter could be lurking in those shadows! |
Patrick: Oh! | Wait, Patrick! What is that, Gary? Patrick, what are you doing!? |
Patrick: Oh! I had to move my rock out of the dark and into the light. | You know what that means? Sleepover! Your sleeping bag, sir. |
Patrick: Thank you, my good man. | Oh, Patrick! I'm so glad you made that gaping hole in the wall, letting in all t-t-t-t-t-t... |
Both: The dark! Squidward: Burning! | The darkness, Patrick. I can feel it. Like it's creeping up on us... |
Squidward: What are you two whimpering about? Squidward: It's me, Squidward, you idiots! Patrick: Hi, Squidward! Squidward: Listen, you guys. I don't care or want to know what you do in your spare time. But could you turn off all these lights? | But, Squidward! Without our night lights, the creepy creatures of the dar- |
Squidward: Oh, SpongeBob, there are no creepy creatures of the dark. It's all in your imagination. Patrick: No, Squidward! Don't go out in the dark! Oh, why won't he listen? | Patrick, what if Squidward's right? What if all this is all in our imagination? |
Patrick: Well, in that case, we'll need even more lights! | You said it, Pat! |
Patrick: Quick, SpongeBob! Turn it on! More lights! Now, SpongeBob! More lights! Fish #1: The battery-operated spoon has saved me so much time. Mermaid Man: This is what passes for info-tainment these days? Sweet mother of Neptune's mother! Look, Barnacle Boy! A call to action! To the Invisible Boat Mobile! Patrick: More lights, SpongeBob! More lights! | Mermaid Man!? |
Patrick: Barnacle Boy! | Aww... Are you here to protect us from the darkness that surrounds us? |
Mermaid Man: We don't have time for your childish games! We're responding to the distress signal that you sent! | Oh, I'm sorry, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. There appears to be a misunderstanding. You see, Patrick and I put up those lights to scare away the monsters in the dark! We weren't trying to summon you. |
Mermaid Man: Oh, fiddlesticks, SpongeBob. Do you know how hard it is in our... advanced age... to move? Don't shine a giant light in the sky unless there's a real emergency. And another thing: What the-!? Dear Neptune! It's the most dangerous and foreboding of all our arch nemeses—My mortal enemy whom I have searched 57 years for! At last, I have you! Come get some, fiend! Come back here, rival! | Oh, my! Mermaid Man needs assistance! There is no need to fear, AbsorboPants is here! |
The Moth: Savory light, come to me! | Say, let me help you! Is that enough light for you? Well, he's all taken care of. |
Mermaid Man: Who? | The Moth, silly! Your archenemy. You'll be happy to know he won't be going anywhere anytime soon! |
The Moth: See you in another 57 years! Mermaid Man: No! Barnacle Boy: I think it's time to go home. Mermaid Man: Why are we here again? SpongeBob & Patrick: Bye, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Mermaid Man: Who are those two hideous creatures of the dark? Barnacle Boy: I'll tell you about it in the morning. Now, drive! | We're all alone, Patrick. No lights. No shelter. |
Patrick: Huh? SpongeBob, there's a really big light! I'll go get it, buddy! | Pat! Come ba... |
Patrick: Too much light! Too much light! Mr. Krabs: You'll never get me secret Krabby Patty formula, Plankton! Adios! Sandy: Hmm? Plankton, you look like the cheese that fell off the cracker. I bet you tried to get that formula again. Plankton: I don't get it. A crab's brain is smaller than the point of a pencil, but he keeps outsmarting me! Sandy: You should give up that formula. Mr. Krabs would have to be as dumb as Patrick. Plankton: Yes. Yes he would! As dumb as Patrick! Plankton: One swab from the inside of his cheek should do it. Plankton: Nagging Neptune! Back you twisted tongue! You will not lick me! Plankton: Sweet gashes molasses! Karen: Oh, pee-yew! What's that awful stench? You're not boiling your underpants again, are you? Plankton: I told you to turn off that laugh track. And if you must know, I made sauce. But when I add Patrick's DNA to it, it'll become Salsa Imbecilicus. Plankton: Idiot sauce! I'll serve it to Krabs and it'll make him so dumb, he'll just give me the secret formula! Huh? Huh? Karen: I think I'd prefer the boiling underpants. Let me do it. You always make a mess. Plankton: Leave me be, woman! Karen: Don't tell me... Plankton: Oh no. Squidward: I've got the best taste in town! Duh! Sandy: I never thought that folks around here were particularly bright. But this morning everyone seems as dumb as traffic cones. Sandy: What happened to your head, SpongeBob? | Uh, me make Krabby Patties. |
Sandy: Uh, that's mud. Sandy: Hey, Patrick. Have you noticed that everyone's acting a lot like you today? Patrick: I don't understand the question. Sandy: What in Sam Hill? Sandy: Hey, don't do that! Sandy: Lining up for the Chum Bucket? Now, I know everyone's got a hole in their screen door. This place is ground zero for zero. Sandy: Zero as being everyone's collective IQ. Karen: And that's how the idiot sauce spread throughout Bikini Bottom. I guess you weren't affected because you were protected by your treedome. Sandy: And you weren't affected because you're a computer. Looks like it's up to us to find a cure for the town's idiocy. Plankton: You not Plankton! Me Plankton! Karen: We need to snap him out of this. What's the opposite of dim? Sandy: Bright. Karen: It's not working! Maybe we can feed him something for brain food. You're smart. What do you eat? Sandy: Nuts? Sandy: Oh, it doesn't seem to be working. You know him. How do you get him to change? Karen: I usually just yell at him. Get smart, dummy! Sandy: Wise up! Karen: Be clever, idiot! Sandy: Know things! Karen: It's no use. Being smart takes work. Sandy: That gives me an idea. Sandy: Come one, come all to Bikini Bottom University! A free education for all! There's no more excuse for being a dope! Step right up, all you morons! Classes are now beginning! Sandy: Aww! This isn't working! Karen: Try jiggling the keys! Sandy: Good mornin', students. Sandy: A whole school full of Patricks? Looks like we've got our work cut out for us. French Narrator: One semester later... Sandy: And don't forget your last homework assignment! Karen: Looks like we were able to educate the whole town in one semester! Sandy: Yep! Day after tomorrow is graduation! And everybody learned so well. Karen: Everybody but one. Plankton: Yeah! Mr. Krabs: Skool iz dum? You misspelled every word. Plankton: Shut up, dweeb! Plankton: Cook books, eh? You holdin' out on me, Krabs? Mr. Krabs: I don't know what you're talkin' about, Plankton! Leave me alone! Plankton: I know you're cookin' up something special in Home EC, Eugene! I want that formula! | Um, Plankton, can I come out now? |
Plankton: Did you finish my homework for me, nerd? | Yeah. You know, you really ought to do your own homework. It's the only way you'll learn. |
Plankton: I'll never learn! Plankton: Not again! French Narrator: Ahh. Graduation Day. Sandy: This is a proud day for everyone in Bikini Bottom! And as a treat, Squidward will play Pomp and Circumstance on the clarinet. | Hurry up, Mr. Krabs. They're handing out the diplomas. |
Mr. Krabs: Just a minute. I think I've perfected the Krabby Patty formula! Yes! That's it! | Great! Well, see ya out there. |
Plankton: Somethin' smells good! Mr. Krabs: Oh! P...P...Plankton? What are you doin' here? Plankton: It's the last day of school, baby. No need to be formal. Call me Sheldon. Great Neptune! That's perfection! Well, with this recipe, I could own the most popular fast food restaurant in Bikini Bottom! Mr. Krabs: No, please! Not that! Anything but that! Plankton: Hand over that secret formula, Krabs! Karen: Congratulations, SpongeBob! You're smart now! It's funny that Mr. Krabs never showed up to get his diploma. | Yeah. The only two people who didn't show up are Mr. Krabs and Plankton. Let me have that diploma! |
Patrick: Uh, hey. No running in the halls! Mr. Krabs: Here you go, Plankton. | Mr. Krabs, your diploma! |
Mr. Krabs: Thanks to this here diploma, I'm suddenly smart enough to never give you me secret formula! Plankton: What?! If I knew education worked like that, I would have bought a diploma years ago! Mr. Krabs: Of course it doesn't work like that, you microscopic meathead! I took accelerated classes and graduated months ago! This diploma is just a formality! Plankton: But... but you were just about to give me the formula! Y..You were scared of me! Sandy: Excellent, Mr. Krabs! Here's your final grade for acting class. A+. I've really felt the fear. Plankton: Wait, what?! Acting class?! No! Mr. Krabs: You've finally been schooled, drop-out! Karen: Come on, evil genius. Time to start your post-college years. Squidward: You people are proof that evolution can go in reverse! Customers: Shh! Customers: Ooh! Ahh! | Ta-da! |
Bubble Bass: Ooh, impressive! That's most impressive! Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, why aren't these walking wallets spending money? Squidward: Because they're too busy watching SpongeBob cook! Mr. Krabs: What? Squidward: Ow! Mr. Krabs: Hmm. Well, he's not exactly maximerizing his worktime with those flourishes. But, boy, does that boy-o have talent. Ding! And talent equals money! | I have X-ray vision! I can see through walls! |
Mr. Krabs: Calm your waters, lad. I just knocked it down. | Why'd you do that? |
Mr. Krabs: In the restaurant business, it's called an open kitchen so the customers can watch the cook cook. | Oh, Mr. Krabs, I don't think I can take that kind of pressure. |
Mr. Krabs: Nonsense. You're a born performer. Ooh! Here. You even got your own dressing room. See? Huh? Huh? Mr. Krabs: Hmm? Uh... Come on, boy-o, it's showtime! | I can't! I've got stage fright! |
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, if you don't come out, you're fired! Mr. Krabs: There he is! ChefBob! Me little star! Break a leg. Break two legs. Fred: My leg! Mr. Krabs: Shut up, Fred! Ta-da! Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da! Customers: Ooh! Harold Reginald: What? Fred: That's just wrong! Mr. Krabs: Come on, boy-o! Razzle-dazzle them! | Oh, what do I do? What do I do? Huh? Oh! |
ChefBob: Hi, everybody! Who's hungry? Dave: I guess I am. ChefBob: Welcome, welcome to my job in the kitchen of ChefBob! I cook and dance, I wear square pants, cooking for this hungry mob! Your order, please! Mr. Krabs: The little ChefBob is a sensation. ChefBob: Hi, everybody! Who's hungry? Customers: We are! ChefBob: Huh? ChefBob: Ha, ho! Ha, ho! Voilà! ChefBob: Ta-da! Clay: Oh-ho! Look at the time. I gotta get home and get my beauty sleep. Squidward: Oh, what died on that guy's neck? Oh, it's his head. ChefBob: Huh? ChefBob: Hey, what died on your neck? Oh, it's your head! Squidward: Oh, that little plagiarist. That was my line. Clay: Obviously, the sleep hasn't been helping! | D-did I say that? I didn't say that. |
Jennifer Mille: Hey, do me! Insult me! ChefBob: Alright. Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born pretty, what happened to you? Jennifer Mille: That was a good one. ChefBob: Huh? Oh! | ChefBob, we don't speak like that to our customers. |
Harold (red fish): Me next! Shoot me a zinger! ChefBob: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't get that. I don't speak goober! Harold (red fish): I love it! Guilty as charged! Squidward: Oh, great. I've created a monster. A funny, talented monster. Mr. Krabs: Ho, ho, ho, ho! Oh, I gotta hand it to ya! That new insult comedy act is really bringing in the money! Mr. Krabs: Ah, what's this, here? | Sorry, Mr. Krabs. It's a list of things ChefBob needs for his little dressing room. |
Mr. Krabs: Oh-ho, does he? Fresh cut seaweed. A manicurist for SpongeBob's puppet hand? What? A bigger dressing room? ChefBob: In the meantime, we'll just take over your office, Blubber Boy. Mr. Krabs: Blubber Boy?! No way! ChefBob: What's the matter, Krabs? You don't like money? Mr. Krabs: What?... Of course I like money. The office will be ready in five minutes. | ChefBob, I think your insults are mean and hurtful. What do you say we just go back to the Krabby Patty routines, huh? |
ChefBob: Need I remind you that my insults pay your salary? | Yes, sir. I mean, no, sir. |
Squidward: ChefBob, you stole my line! I do all the insults around here! ChefBob: Oh, I am so sorry, Squidward. You're absolutely right. Squidward: Um, oh, well, uh, thank you. It's—it's—it's really not such a big deal. ChefBob: Let me make it up to ya! Hi, everybody! I'd like to introduce you to a very good friend of mine: Squidward Tentacles! Squidward: Huh? Oh, no. Please, please, you're to—you're too kind. ChefBob: I was gonna ask Squidward how old he was, but then I remembered he can't count that high! Squidward: Huh? | Alright, that's it! You can't talk to Squidward that way! He is one of my best friends! |
Squidward: That's even more insulting. ChefBob: Get a load of him, folks! He must've been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen! Nat Peterson: Ow! Not funny! Jimmy Gus: He scores! Fred: Yeah, yeah! Fight in the bathroom! ChefBob: Have a drink! ChefBob: No, no! | En garde! |
Mr. Krabs: Me customers! Alright, enough of this. Hand puppet Mr. Krabs: ChefBob, you are hereby fired! Mr. Squidward, will you do the honors? Hand puppet Squidward: Let me help you slip into something more comfortable. Like the gutter! | I learned a very valuable lesson today. |
Hand puppet Mr. Krabs: To always be yourself and not hide behind a puppet? | Well, yeah, that, but mostly don't slam your puppet hand in a register drawer. Ow. What is it, Squidward? |
Mr. Krabs: What is it, Mr. Squidward? Squidward: It's—it's alive! TV Announcer: And now, it's time for the ChefBob Cooking with Insults Show! And here's your host, ChefBob! ChefBob: Hi, everybody! Who's hungry? ChefBob: Alright. Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born pretty, what happened to you? ChefBob: Yay, yeah! Yay, yeah! Patrick: Okay, SpongeBob! It's your turn! I'm ready! | Okay, Patrick! Here I come! |
Patrick: Nice landing! Darn, I missed! SpongeBob, look out for my body! | Patrick, maybe we should play something that involves less thinking. |
Patrick: Okay. | Hey! Maybe we can play a game with this ball that was buried under here! |
Patrick: Ball! Let me see it! What a weird ball. | Well, who knows how long it... Ah! Mother of Neptune! Get away from me! Get away from me! |
Patrick: There's nothing to be afraid of, SpongeBob. It's just a little worm. See? | You're right, Patrick. I'm sorry we destroyed your nest, little worm. I promise it won't happen again. Look, Patrick! |
Patrick: Looks like he's taking a fancy to you. | Yeah. Hey! Why don't we invite Mr. Wormsley to stay at my place? At least until his nest grows back. |
Patrick: That sounds delightful! | Gary! Make yourself descent. You have a visitor. Gary, wake up. That's right, just bring in here. Careful, careful now. That's right. |
Gary: Meow. | Oh, hi, Gary, are you ready to meet your new friend? |
Gary: Meow. | That's right, say hello to Mr. Wormsley. |
Patrick: Something tells me they don't like each other. | Come on, now. Guys, come on. Let's touch soft spots in a friendly manner. See? You're just saying hi. That's right. There you go, that's it. Oh, I knew you could get along. There, there you go. See? Friends. Oh, my goodness! Patrick, oh! Oh, Patrick, please do something! |
Patrick: Uh, SpongeBob, I gotta get going. See you later now. | Okay, Patrick, see you later then. All right, Gary, just so there isn't more upset, I'm gonna ask that you sleep on the guest newspaper tonight, and Mr. Wormsley is going to be sleeping in here with me. Now, now, Gary, there's no need for protest. See? I set it all nice just for you. There you are. Night, Gare. |
Gary: Meow. | Oh, sounds like Patrick is having one of his night fits again. I'll just close the window. Mr. Wormsley! Whoa! I'm gonna go get help. Whatever's wrong with you, don't move! Just, uh, read the sports section or something. He's in here. Oh! I can't watch! |
Patrick: SpongeBob. | Yes? |
Patrick: Something tells me that Mr. Wormsley is actually a Mrs. Wormsley. | Oh! Patrick, it’s a miracle. |
Patrick: That it is. | Wait till Gary sees. |
Patrick: Yeah! Wait till... | See, Gare? Right in here. They're gone asleep. |
Patrick: Looks like they still aren't quite used to each other. | Well, these things take time. |
SpongeBob and Patrick: Duck and cover! Patrick: This town is getting too rough for me. Gary: Meow, meow, meow. | He's chased her away! Now who will care for her abandoned litter of adorable newborn infants? |
Patrick: Well, maybe you could take care of them. | I dunno, Patrick. I've never seen Gary that upset. |
Patrick: Ga...who? | Nope, you and I are just gonna have to find loving homes for each and every one of these little guys. Right, Patrick? Patrick? Don't worry, little guys. Squidward is a really good friend of mine, and he really likes pets. |
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing here? Don't you know that it's 7:00 in the morning? | Squidward, I came over with a very special surprise. |
Squidward: Don't you know that it's 7:00 in the morning? | How would you like to have your very own pet baby worms? |
Squidward: Don't you know that it's 7:00 in the—baby what? | Baby worms. See? Aren't they just adorable at that age? |
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