Non-SpongeBob Dialogue
stringlengths 1
11.1k
| SpongeBob Response
stringlengths 1
2.74k
|
|---|---|
Squidward: | So, how many did you want? |
Mrs. Puff: Yes? Oh, it's you, SpongeBob. What are you, uh, doing here? And not that the teacher's most enthusiastic student isn't welcome in her house. | Good morning, Mrs. Puff. |
Mrs. Puff: It almost was. | Would you like a baby worm? |
Mrs. Puff: A what? | Uh, I'll just come back later, Mrs. Puff. Have a nice day! |
Mrs. Puff: I hate Mondays. | Don't worry, little worms. I know a place where we can find go to find homes for every single one of you. Good morning, ma'am. How are you today? Could I interest you in some... Ma'am? That whistling. It's Larry Lobster! Hi, Larry, what are you up to? |
Larry: Do I know you? | Probably not. |
Larry: I was just picking up some dietary supplements here at the supermarket. I've been working on my chest... and buns. | So I see. |
Larry: Well, catch you later. | Oh, Larry, wait. |
Larry: No time now. Somewhere, there's sand that needs kicking. | Okay. I was just gonna see if you wanted one of these poor, lonely baby worms. |
Larry: Baby worms? | Well, yeah! |
Larry: I'll take them off your hands. | Really? |
Larry: Sure, why not? That's just what the nutritionist ordered: raw protein! | Larry, no! |
Larry: Dude, nice hustle. | Oh, little wormies, I'm so glad you're safe. Now let's go see about finding you those homes I promised. Hello? |
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, it's Mr. Krabs. I've been looking all over for you. You're three hours late for work! Hello? | I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs, I came as fast as I could-- |
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, are you sure you're feeling shipshape? | I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. My pet worm had babies and got chased away. Now I've got to find them all a place to live. |
Mr. Krabs: Babies? | Yeah. |
Mr. Krabs: Let me see. | Really? |
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, come on, let me see them. I like babies. | Well, okay. |
Mr. Krabs: Hey there, little critters. Come to... | Oh, he likes you. |
Mr. Krabs: Get that disgusting vermin out of me restaurant, pronto! Blech! | Oh, well. At least I still have you guys. |
Garbage Fish #1: Hmm... Garbage Fish #2: What is it? Garbage Fish #1: I'd recognize this goo anywhere. It comes from a baby spotted glistening meadow worm, the rarest of its species. Garbage Fish #2: Dude, those things are worth a fortune. Mr. Krabs: Did you say fortune? $5.99, that's right. Get them while they last. Don't be shy, folks. Female fish: These things are so cute! | Enjoy your new home, little guy. |
Female fish: Isn't he just adorable? | That sure was a great idea you had, Mr. Krabs. |
Mr. Krabs: Well, it's like they always say back in the old country, lad. | What's that? |
Mr. Krabs: I don't know. I've never been to the old country! Larry: What you see before you is the culmination of my lifelong dream! A place of my own where I can work out everyday and anytime I want, Larry's Gym! Larry: Looking out at this sea of plastic muscles and sagging flesh. Frankly, I'm disgusted. Crowd: Awwww! Larry: Therefore, I'm now opening the gym to everyone in Bikini Bottom! Larry: For the price of a lifetime membership! Crowd: Awww! Larry: But today everything is free! Larry's #1 Fan: Shape us and mold us in your image! Frankie Billy: You're the lobster, Larry! The Alpha Lobster! Larry: Well, I don't know if I'll say that! Lloyd-Rich: Oh, I filled out a membership form! Nat Peterson: Me too! Larry: What's in that pink box? Nat Peterson: Um, donuts sir? Larry: Do-nut brings those in here! In the meantime, enjoy yourself because your first visit is free! Mr. Krabs: Is it true that everything is free? Larry: That's right, sir! For your first visit we- Larry: Hello? In conclusion, I'm at your service to turn anyone anyone into a ripped heap of muscle glory! Larry: Boy, I've got my work cut out for me. Larry: The doors are automatic. Just step on the mat. | Oh! |
Larry: Here! | Aah! Thanks, Larry! |
Larry: Uh, what are you doing? Mr. Krabs: You said everything was free. Larry: No, no. Your first visit is free. Mr. Krabs: So what you're saying is if I never leave, it will be free forever! Larry: Time to go live the dream! Right after I... file this paperwork. Larry: I didn't think there'd be so much of it. | Excuse me, Larry. I was just working out and I was wondering. Is this normal? |
Larry: Even your cramps have cramps! You need to follow my number 1 rule. Always be hydrating. | Gee, Larry. You think I'll ever be as strong as you? |
Larry: Sure! What kind of a gym owner would I be if I couldn't take a puny, squishy lump like you? | Squishy. |
Larry: What I'm saying is I can make you a man. | Hooray! |
Larry: I'm gonna make you my personal project. Of course, you'll have to sign up for a lifetime membership. | I'm ready! |
Larry: That reminds me. You need to start hydrating right now! | Yes, sir! |
Larry: And remember: always be hydrating! | Ok, I will! |
Larry: That's what I like to see! Come on, we'll finish those later. | Good. 'Cause I was really crashing here. Signing those papers. Feelin' the burn? Is that what you call it? I heard Angel singing, Beautiful Angel. That's normal, right? |
Frank (muscular goldfish): It's Larry, King of the Gym! Larry: Oh, you guys. I'm just an ordinary Alpha Lobster doing his job. Towel boy! Larry: Polish this crown for me. Will you? Mr. Krabs: Hey! Join us, boy! Ho-ho! I can't believe I'm allowed to lift these... really heavy... pieces of metal for free! Mr. Krabs: Ow! Free! | I don't know, Larry. I'm not good at lifting things. |
French Narrator: Flashback... French Narrator: End of flashback... Larry: Let me see. I may have something that'll work for you. Larry: Here we go. Cotton swabs. Cotton balls. Here. Try this on for size, Hercules. | How am I doing? |
Larry: Pathetic. | Look, Larry! I hydrating! Oh, I am hydrating so much! |
Larry: Yeah, I've got another idea, SpongeBob. Come with me. Larry: First thing tomorrow morning, this is gonna be where I leave my exercise class. | I'll be there! |
Larry: That's the spirit! And we're going to get you started early. Let me see some crunches! Larry: The only thing I wanna see in your mouth is that water bottle! Now what did I tell you? Always be hydrated! Now, I'll show you some crunches! Yeow! Yeow! Yeow! Yeow! Yeow! | Oh, I can do that. That's what I do when I laugh. Only now, I'll do it on my back. |
Larry: Could you do it without the laugh? | I won't lie to you, Larry. Probably not. |
Larry: Whatever works I guess. Keep up with that and most importantly... | Always be hydrating. |
Larry: Ok. I have a lot of paperwork to catch up on. Mr. Krabs: Free towels! Free towels! Free towels! Free towels! Free! Free! Larry: Do you have to do that in front of me? Mr. Krabs: Yes! Yes I do! Because I sincerely want to thank you for a truly life-changing experience! Sucker! Mr. Krabs: Nice potbelly! Larry: Potbelly? Larry: Oh, I forgot all about my prodigy. Larry: Oh my Neptune! | Aw! That's gonna come out of my paycheck! |
Frankie Billy: My legs! I'm ok! Slightly less ok! Squidward: SpongeBob! | Yeah? |
Squidward: What are you... Whoa! You've been working out. | Yeah, I hope you have some glue for me because I am ripped! Oh, I'm late for the gym! Can you cover for me in the kitchen, Squidward? |
Squidward: Yes! Anything you meathead! Just go before you destroy the place! | Larry? Gee, Larry. You've really let yourself go. |
Larry: With all this paperwork, I haven't had any time to do my crunches. The only thing I've been crunching is numbers. But I'm gonna get back in shape. You'll see. | Yeah, Larry! Sure you will! |
Larry: SpongeBob, tell me the truth. Do I have a potbelly? | No, Larry. Don't be silly. You don't have a potbelly. |
Larry: See you in exercise class. I guess. Mr. Krabs: Oh boy! Free soup! Little heavy on the salt. | Oh, he'll be here. Don't worry. Larry made me the man I am today. I taught me just do stuff you'll always do, but do it on your back. Laugh on your back. Walk on your back. And don't forget. Always be hydrated. That means drink plenty of water. I hope Larry's ok. But while we're waiting, I guess we could ride bicycles on our backs. |
Mr. Krabs: Hey, Larry! Thanks for all the free steam! Ha-ha! Sucker. Larry: Oh, what's the use. Larry: Oh, who am I kidding! | You wanted to see me, sir? |
Larry: Yeah. Look, uh, you're obviously the alpha male at the gym now and I'm just a shell of my former self. | I hear ya, Larry. I just wanna get back to the Krusty... |
Larry: I need you to take over. You're a natural leader, SpongeBob. You should be in charge of the fun stuff while I sit here in the reception area slowly getting fatter and paler until I die. | This sounds great. Oh, Larry, look at me! I'm too big to work the grill anymore! That makes me sad! |
Larry: Come over here and give me a bro-hug! | You mean a br-ug? |
Larry: I don't wanna call it that. | Here's to our new lives! Our terrible, terrible new lives! Whoa, what happened? |
Larry: Dude, you were just overhydrated! Those weren't real muscles, they were water muscles! | Larry, your br-ug was so super strong, it took the water muscles right out of me! |
Larry: Don't say br-ug. | Br-ug. |
Larry: SpongeBob, laughing on my back was just what I needed! You're a pretty good instructor after all. Oh boy. The way you laugh really gets on my nerves. French Narrator: The very next evening... Squidward: Well, that was the last customer, SpongeBob. | Oh, what a great day. |
Squidward: And you know why it was a great day? Because Krabs never even showed up. Larry: Huh? What is that smell? Mr. Krabs, how long have you been in there?! Mr. Krabs: I think I'm done! Would you mind rubbin' a little butter on me? Mr. Krabs: Squidward! Squidward: What is your problem? Mr. Krabs: My problem is that you aren't workin'! Which means I lose M-U-N-E-E! Which means you lose your J-O-B! Squidward: Remind me again, is that good news or bad news? {{L|Mr. Krabs|Tentacles, I mean it! You get back to mindin' that register! Squidward: Minding it for which customer? Mr. Krabs: I see your point. But still, I'm not paying you to dream sweet nothin's! Do something! Pick up a mop, a broom, uh, a window wiper, a spatula, even! Squidward: SpongeBob's got that covered. | Dust specs on the window! Don't worry, boss man, I got it covered! That's better! Oh, sounds like the dishes are done soaking! |
Mr. Krabs: That's a perfect example of what I'm talkin' about! Stayin' busy! Squidward: I was busy, trying to forget about this place 'till you woke me up. Mr. Krabs: Okay, have it your way, Squidward! Since you can't be bothered to take the initiative yourself, it's clear I must assign tasks to you. Hmm... Mr. Squidward, scrub the walls of the Krusty Krab 'till they gleam! | Already done, sir! |
Mr. Krabs: Well, that's very nice, boy, thank you. But, you see, I'm tryin' to give Squidward a task. | Hmm... well, the smoke duct needs sweeping! |
Mr. Krabs: Excellent idea, Mr. SquarePants! Squidward, I'd like you to sweep-- | Done and dusted! |
Squidward: Nice working conditions, but, no thanks! Mr. Krabs: Oh, is that so? Perhaps you'd prefer scraping the gum off the underside of these tables! Squidward: Oh, a restaurant employee handling chewed bubble gum? That's gotta violate a lot of health codes. | Not if you wear gloves, it doesn't. Mind if I take this to Patrick after work, Mr. Krabs? |
Mr. Krabs: I guess SpongeBob has a handle on all the Krusty Krab duties. Which leaves you with all the extracirculars! Like shinin' me shoes! Squidward: Sorry, all out of polish. | Well, I'm not! |
Mr. Krabs: Wash me boat! Listen, Squidward, I'm gonna get a full day's work out of you one way or another. Squidward: It doesn't matter what you want me to do, I won't do it! Mr. Krabs: Oh-ho, yeah? Fine...if you refuse to work, then I can't be held responsible. | Responsible for what, Mr. Krabs? |
Mr. Krabs: For...for... ...a visit from...the Yeti Krab. | The Yeti Krab? |
Mr. Krabs: Yeah. Everyone's heard of the abominable Yeti Krab... ...with his long, wide hair, and six-pack abs... ...and yeller' teeth! And everybody knows that he only comes out of his mountain cave to feed on lazy workers. He's attracted to the scent, he can smell your lazy, lazy stench from hundreds of miles away! | Oh, wait. What am I worried about? I'm a hard-working, self-motivated sponge. |
Mr. Krabs: Yes, but that won't make any difference because of your proximity to Squidward's laziness. You will be eaten! | Squidward and I are as close as brothers! |
Squidward: Ludicrous. Mr. Krabs: You won't think so if that big, hairy fellow wants to eat ya! Yeah. Now, listen up, boys! Bossman Krabs is steppin' out for a minute. But I want this tub of laundry done before I come back, or... | Or the Yeti Krab will smell our laziness and eat us! |
Mr. Krabs: Precisely. See ya, boys! Squidward: Whatever. | Squidward, what are you doing? Oh, no! Your lack of work is taking on an odor! |
Squidward: You sure it's not these you're smelling? | If the Yeti Krab catches wind of it, he's gonna... you know, eat us! |
Squidward: Oh, come on, SpongeBob. Krabs' Yeti story is a complete and total crock! | Squidward, Mr. Krabs would never make up something like that! |
Squidward: You can believe in whatever garbage you want to. Just do it away from me. Now, run along and wash Krabs' undies. | You got it, Squidward! Anything to keep that Yeti Krab at bay. |
Narrator: Just then... By sheer coincidence... Yeti Krab's stomach: Let me out of here, you hairy brute! I can find my own food! | Good day, sir. Are you Yeti to order? Oh, Squidward! |
Squidward: What? What? What? Wha... huh? | You are not gonna believe this! There's a Yeti Krab at table 7! And he is sniffing out the lazy! |
Squidward: Of course, he is. Nice costume, Eugene. Couldn't you at least have it dry-cleaned or pressed? Didn't brush this morning. Did we? | Please don't eat us, Mr. Yeti! We're not lazy! |
Squidward: Oh, yes I am. | Oh, boy! I'll have to work twice as hard to make up for Squidward's laziness! A wobbly table! Oh, we can't have that! Come on. No. There! Perfect! Yikes! Time to top off the mustard! See I'm busy! I'm organizing the spice racks! By color! Well, I guess while I'm down here, I'll hit the old grease traps again. I'm not lazy! Don't eat me! I'm sorry, Mr. Yeti Krab! |
Squidward: I almost feel sorry for the little nimrod. What the? Do you mind? | Sorry, Squidward! Just varnishing the ceiling! |
Squidward: Oh, I hope you're happy, Mr. Krabs! You're driving him insane! Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll eat me if I'm lazy. Whatever. Not the home and garden section! SpongeBob! | Huh? Oh, sorry. Just making all the rivets are securely welded. |
Squidward: SpongeBob, we have no customers today! Ergo, we have nothing to do! No matter what that buffoon wants you to think! | Shh! Squidward, he might hear you! Don't worry, Mr. Yeti Krab! We have plenty to do! I can replenish the toilet paper! And redecorate Mr. Krabs' office! And refold the napkins into origami figures! Knit straw cozies! Clean the soap! Re-clean the grill! Washing inside the walls! Sucking up every dust particle in the restaurant! |
Squidward: Have you lost it, SpongeBob?! | Lost it? Lost it? What a silly thing to say! |
Squidward: Guess I'm down to the comic section. | Squidward! You were right! There's no more work to do! I have done it all! Which means he is gonna eat us! |
Squidward: That does it! I have had it with this ridiculous ruse! Using fear to prey on a feeble mind! Even SpongeBob doesn't deserve that! Enjoy spooking the witless, eh Krabs? Well, we'll just see how you like it. Roar! See? I can dress up as a convincing Yeti Krab too! | T-T-T-T-T-T-Two Yeti Krabs! |
Squidward: Take off that phony suit, Mr. Krabs! You're not fooling anybody! Mr. Krabs: I'm back, fellas! Squidward: Sorry, Mr. Krabs. I'm a little busy trying to pull off this stupid mask of yours. Mr. Krabs: Uh, Squidward? Squidward: What? Mr. Krabs: We're as good as Yeti food! I blame Squidward! | Guys, do you hear that? |
Squidward: You mean the sound of my own flesh sizzling to a crisp? | No, I'm talking about the sound of a hungry customer. He doesn't want to eat us for being lazy, he wants to eat us because he's hungry. Fellas, leave this to me. |
Mr. Krabs: Way to go, boy! He loves it! And look, he's a paying customer. Come back and see us anytime, Mr. Yeti Krab! Hey, what are you two doing standing idle? Squidward, sweep out the crow's nest! Squidward: No. | Done! |
Mr. Krabs: Refinish me floors! Squidward: No. | Done! |
Mr. Krabs: Build me a new safe! Squidward: Nuh-uh. | Consider it done! |
Mr. Krabs: Yeesh, we need some customers in here. What's gotten into you? Patrick: I don't know. What's happening to me? | I think I can explain. Yes, I've seen this one before. It's a common symptom. Patrick is suffering from Krabby Patty Withdrawal. He needs one, or he'll keep mumbling about it for the next 3-1/2 minutes. |
Mr. Krabs: Oh, he needs one, eh? Methinks a paying customer's in our midst. Patrick, how's a Krabby Patty with extra cheese sound? Patrick: Give me! Mr. Krabs: Not yet. First, I have to know, can you pay for it? Patrick: Oh, yeah, I can pay for it. Mr. Krabs: Good boy. Narrator: Ten seconds later... Mr. Krabs: My good man, how you doing? Excellent. Now, let's get down to business. Patrick: What's that? Mr. Krabs: It's your bill. Patrick: I don't have any money. Mr. Krabs: What? I thought you said you could pay for it! Patrick: Oh, I'm payin' for it all right. Mr. Krabs: Non-paying customer! Patrick: Huh? Mr. Krabs: You're gonna pay, one way or another. All right, Patrick, if you're not gonna pay for your food with money you're gonna pay with hard, physical labor. I want you to swab the latrine. I'll be back in a while to check up on you. Bottom-feeding... Patrick: No problem. Tra-la-la-la-la. Work, work, work, work. Mr. Krabs: So, Patrick, how are you...? What in blazes did you do? Patrick: I accidentally tried the hand soap. It doesn't taste as good as it smells. Mr. Krabs: See these ice cube trays? I want you to put 'em in that bucket. Patrick: How do I do that? Mr. Krabs: Figure it out! Patrick: Uh... I have to be very gentle. Mr. Krabs: What the...? What are you doing? Patrick: Almost done, Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs: You've destroyed me refrigerator. You've destroyed many of the things I love. I got another job that even a nimrod like you couldn't mess up. All you got to do is throw all of these trash bags down the trash chute, like so. See? Patrick: Yup. Mr. Krabs: Good, 'cause if you mess this up, you'll never eat another Krabby Patty again! Patrick: Hurry, hurry, hurry! Mr. Krabs: Here, boy, take this sack of loot and put her in me safe. | Okie dokie, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, what's up, buddy? |
Patrick: I have to get rid of this trash, but it won't go down. | That's because you didn't hit the trash compactor switch. |
Patrick: SpongeBob, you're a genius! Oh, no, there's one left. | Patrick, that's not a... trash bag. |
Patrick: NO! Why won't you go down?! Mr. Krabs: Well, well, let's see how the poor boy's doing. Well, did you earn me money back yet, Patrick? Patrick: Can I eat now? Squidward: Another beautiful Sunday in Bikini Bottom. Nothing can ruin my good mood today! | Good morning, Squidward! |
Squidward: Ignoring, ignoring! La la dum. La la dee. La la doo. Chewing gum!? That's disgusting! Oh, c'mon! People who litter really bug me! Litterbugs. Litterbugs! Officer John: Litter! Aha! Squidward: Bugs... litter... litter... bugs. Officer John: Hey, you! Did you throw this gum away? Squidward: Yes I did, and I like to complain! Officer John: Ah... So you admit that you are a litterbug? Squidward: I do... What? No! No no, I just stepped in it! Officer John: Oh, you sure did, buddy. You disgust me... Maybe this will teach you not to treat the world as your own personal trash can! Squidward: Bikini Bottom P.D. Ticket for littering. Penalty: Community service?! Squidward: Stupid Policeman, I'm no litter bug! Hey! No more trash! Looks like I'm done! Thug Fish: Here, you can have mine. Squidward: Can things get any worse? Squilliam: Of course they can! Squidward: Daagh! Squilliam Fancyson! My arch foe from band class! Squilliam: Stuck doing community service eh? Court ordered? Squidward: No! I... um... I'm... volunteering! Yeah, I'm cleaning up Bikini Bottom, selflessly devoting my time to a worthy cause. Squilliam: Oooh! Maybe if you clean up Bikini Bottom, they'll build a statue of you! Oh, wait! They've already built one... of me! I cleaned up all of Bikini Bottom in one week. Mable Monica: Bless you, Squilliam Fancyson! Bless you! Squidward: Hmph! I'll clean up Bikini Bottom in a day! Squilliam: Ooh! Let me help you out. There! That should get you started. Tah-tah! Squidward: Squilliam thinks he's sooo amazing! Phew! Hmmm, I've gotta find some place to dump this litter. Oh oh oh! Perfect! Full! They're all full! How am I gonna hold all this... Taylor: Whoops! Mabel: Oh is it trash day? I thought it was Tuesday! Squidward: What? No! Mabel: Hey everybody, it's trash day! Other Fish: Trash day?! Squidward: Hey! Hold on! Stop! I'm not the garbage man! Help. | I'll help you Squidward! |
Squidward: Why are you in a trash bag? | I wanted to study the complete life cycle of a Krabby Patty. Tch-tch-tch, all alone. Poor guy. I could get rid of your trash, Squidward! |
Squidward: No thank you! I'll do it myself. | Please let me help! |
Squidward: No. | Please? |
Squidward: No. | Pretty please? |
Squidward: No way! | Pretty please with candy sprinkles on top? |
Squidward: Listen closely, I don't need your help! I would rather be beaten to a pulp! Taylor: That's him, mommy! That's the man who stole my wagon! Beat him to a pulp! Taylor's mother: Hmmm! | Hi, lady! Can I help you now? |
Squidward: Alright! Fine! You can help me. | Yay! Thank you, Squidward. |
Squidward: Well... you gonna help me!? | First, close your eyes! |
Squidward: Why? | C'mon! |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.