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A mandatory update
had auto-installed. It had enhanced opportunities to make in-app purchases with one click. | Erased his
Documents folder. His unfinished book.
He searched for support live chat. |
Think of that first
drink. The one that makes this all go away.
The 110 is backed up to Oregon and surface streets are a Bosch hell of
shattered metal, folks. | Bones meat blood and sinew in the streets. Insurance
salesmen desperate to get home in time for the game, ripping babies out of
car seats and holding them by the feet and slamming their little faces into
light poles in a spray of blood and gristle to hear the mothers scream. |
He had never cooked for her, obviously .
Only fucked her and rinsed her off and put her back in a drawer . He
would never have even cons idered cooking this chicken for a guest,
certainly not a date. | But, so what if she thought it was stupid. Who
stops by someone’ s house unannounced. |
Never use condoms, ever.
Actually– once. She insisted. | After I’d been digging her out raw and sloppy
in the unseasonable September heat. Relishing how my cock would stink
after. |
You are bloat. Labor costs are a thing they tear their hair out over.
Used to be taxes, too. | But they bought governments and laws. They made
taxes disappear. |
I’m just renting the seat. And actually the counter girl is kind of hot.
It’s just that her face is shiny. | I wonder how much money, effort and angst
goes into keeping her face merely slightly bumpy and oily instead of a
Vladimir Harkonnen wasteland of infected roast beef purple pustules. She is
trim. |
They kept trying to sell me
pussy and I was to afraid to be in a room with them while they did each
other’s hair and watched porn. Well who needs an expose of the child sex
trade. | Everyone already knows. Cinder block sheds half built with tarp roofs,
open sewers, weird karaoke huts deep in the jungle made of bamboo.
Monkeys. |
Vagrants sitting in zipped open pup tent doors stared him down with eyes like opossums.
One looked up meaningfully as he passed. Screamed: I’m the Polish Prince of Penis.
This tipline is 100% confidential, sir.
It’s fucking Ben Dover, OK? Listen, ISIS is trying to get American nukes, they’re going to blow
up the world–
What you’re telling me sir, is that ISIS would like to have nuclear weapons. | Sir, the Bureau has
been aware of that–
No it’s a specific plan, they have– they use a woman in the Philippines… she gives you a backrub
and makes you fall in love with her, and then–
Are you referring to the MILF, sir?
No, she’s 22–
The Moro Islamic Liberation front, sir
No it’s Abu, fucking– ISIS is using marketing data to get nukes, I gave it to them-
You’re involved in this yourself sir?
No, I– I gave them data but I didn’t know what it was for, I swear.
What sort of data?
It’s, they– it’s credit card purchases of individuals, for, it’s used for refining branded content–
And this… is going to be employed for hostile purposes?
They’re going to blackmail people with it.
All right. It sounds like this is a problem related to wire transfers, is that correct?
What?
It sounds like this is a problem related to wire transfers and/or interstate commerce.
I mean I guess they have to wire money–
OK great sir, it’ll be just one moment.
Then he was on hold.
**
He was on Tinder. |
Thank you for showing me your
titties, miss. You don’t know the joy you’ve brought.
After this I’ll go sit in the park. | School will have gotten out and I will leer at
underage Mexicans. There was a purpose to my life besides this once. |
Teen cheerleaders shimmying down Sunset. Mexican
Christmas carols play out of Mustangs. | Short skirts. Yoga pants. |
90 degree heat, face by a fan with sharp blades that sucked up every fume for
miles. Brain damage. | Body damage. Assembly line at a candle factory. |
An investment in
adulthood.
The man’s window faced his across the driveway. At night he’d hear him
moaning. | He sounded old, and like he hurt. On the way back up to get his
briefcase he took one more look. |
Maybe high on coke too. She’d stayed at his
house to watch his cat while his father died back East. | She’d invited a girl over to party with. Some
Chinese YouTube ukulele player. |
I came in her. I hope
she gets pregnant. | How does that happen, he asked. Well I write shit on a
web site. |
Your jizz chunking up and swirling around
like a snow globe. If you had known you would have just stayed in raw and
blasted in her. | If you’d known some other guy would pay for it. Her husband
must be white too. |
They
were raping people . There was no job, no company; the whole thing
was just some rich guy keepi ng slaves so he could jerk off. | We have
to get out of here. Move to out to the desert. |
Better than everyone else. And
maybe the world will never know but you know and people can see it in your
eyes. | I want you to be like this. Then it will be us against the world .
But you’re not. |
I don’t
want to look at her .
Angela texts me. I met the love of my life, she says again. | Ever y other time
this makes me despair . She was crazy . |
Raped on a club dance floor. He didn’t get all the
way in before he came but she got pregnant. | The miscreant was never found.
Biologically, he lived the dream.
She waited three years for the next guy. A TV star was in town. |
I looked again. They didn’t see
me. | Eyes on the TV. I looked and looked.
Nice people. |
It’s illegal for TV to play ads 3x as loud as the show . Now Youtube does
it. | Date night just got tastier , it said.
I would have loved to fuck Gracie Tinder August 2015 at 12:32AM. She
was nervous. |
Like someone slowly peeled back my
entire skin and hosed me dow n with ice water. And again today.
Deep breath. | Jerk off. Everything will be fine.Nature’s Miracles
At the beach. |
His first normal person. She was Senior
Vice President of Sufjan Stevens. | She was 32. She needed to get
married. |
I was born with a dick and consider myself a man. I can
walk and think and while I’ve had mental illness gnawing my soul
incessantly every instant since birth like I’m painted in honey staked next to
the fire ants’ nest– I can appe ar normal in short bursts. | I can say good
morning to a neighbor walking his dog. I can show up to an office and
perform sustained activities that I hate and thus contribute to the tax base.
In other words I’m not disabled per se. |
Wherever you go they suck so much out of you that your wage level
means poor. To be upper middle class they make you move where the
neighborhood association charges 20 grand a year to chide you about lawn
ornaments.
I got the raise which means I suck I’ll fail I’m doing a shitty job they’ll fire
me. | Retroactively suck back my bank account. I can’t work anymore. |
But there
aren’t wives now.
If you’d invested back then you’d have money now, stupid,
said Forbes.com. The interstitialQuote of the Day brought to you by Hewlett Packard. | Hewlett Packard made printers that existed to
lie about how much toner they had. So you’d have to buy more toner from Hewlett Packard. |
Getting old; it’s already over, I do not fucking care
what happens as long as it’s not a maiming or prison– anythin g that takes
my freedom. A great job– I make enough that I pay enough taxes to support
another one of me. | He’s in a Section 8 studio up in the Hotel Cecil. Some
haunted spot downtown where they find suicides in the rooftop water tank.
Disability checks cashed into Steel Reserve the instant they arrive. |
He must have folded
it. Big plastic barrels of drinking water. | Boxes of flour, rice; store display racks worth of Jack Links
beef jerky in Sweet & Hot, Teriyaki and Original.
Jack Links was not a client. They’d had adequate success building a campaign with in-house
demographic data. |
All much worse than me. Go make a living writing. | Go talk about
Trump like it fucking matters who’ s president. You and the rest of the
retarded children. |
Now that
she doesn’t like me it could have been something. How the fuck is she just
ghosting me. | How is this happen ing. I thought we had a good time together .
Me and the Nintendo and her pulsating pussy .
The Cat Food
There’ s a feral cat that comes around. |
It will
go down with Brexit. Because of course. | When oil prices rise, gas prices
rise the same day. When oil prices fall, gas prices take months to catch up.
Of course. |
Top Gun.
Are you Kevin?
No– you’re not listening. Senior grill crew– this speaks to excellence. | Your potential.
He couldn’t help but feel flattered.
This is what we need. You make fun of McDonald’s but
details matter. |
They were laying down finishing the crossword and the dog sat
on his back. She asked: when can I meet your friends.
They all hate you, he said. | I told them you’re breaking my heart.
Because I won’t be your girlfriend?
Yeah.
I was honest.
I know . They think you’re using me. |
Lifting one another up to give us all a panty
shot. I strain to get an image I can remember. | High school freshman’s sweaty
taint up in the air with another girl’s hot palm jammed in it. Heaven. |
You want to
see horsecock pulsating and its 18 gallon load hosed within a human twat,
but just barely so you can see the force of the liquid spewing out. You need
to believe a centaur could be created.
There’ s no perfect horse porn. | Yet Farewell to Ponny has an emotional
throughline. Girl loves her pony . |
He had mineral water. She had high alcohol content
ale. | She was maybe 90 lbs, Chinese and 22. So this could happen, he thought.
He asked: how was your day.
To be honest, I just got out of jail.
Well it’s settled, he thought.
He liked her. |
I mean, fine– I hate women
anyway. Smug peabrained cunts, talking about nothing.
But that baboon urge shrieks at you like a car alarm going off– get laid get
laid get laid. | So how do you do it. Go do ten approaches, he told me. |
He reached
out to touch her . An asshole appeared by her ponytail.
What are you doing, why did you leave me, did you even leave me,
are you with him right now. | The tall guy with the drawl, she said I
didn’t like him at all at first but you know four glasses of rosé; you
and me should n’t have sex anymore, she said, and every time he’d
ever heard that he’d got the best ass of his life after. This time was
no different. |
She loved it.She looked for TREEHOUSE CORPORA TION every day at first. Then
every week. | Every month, every year. But she never forgot. |
Knows I’ll protect her. The
boom s kept coming and the dog wasn’t scared. | Thank God she didn’t think
I’d stop the noise. I’d really look like a douche.
They were going to go out but they stayed in and did crosswords. |
Even before that fuckin AARP guy went ISIS.
He’d read the guy was government, but why argue. Either was plausible.
In the end Dusty helped him. | Mostly. He got a nice nickelplated Smith and Wesson .357 revolver.
A mean black rifle with a scope. |
Pots in the refrigerator with mashed pot atoes from June
blooming with delicate otherwordly fungus. Books covered with dust and old
toenails and hollow dead spiders.
I have friends but never see them. | Every day wake up alone. Write something
not worth reading. |
The guys
were machines and they were fucking the poor for something they didn’t
need, but they didn’t give a shit. 7 o’clock rolled around and it was like it
never happened. | Except the big numbers they racked up.
Still, he had felt it unnatural. He enjoyed talking to people. |
I would like you and your female boss who is also attractive to
lightly run your palms over my naked back and slowly encroach into the
forbidden space on top of my buttocks and delicately stroke my ass crack and
then flip me over and suck my cock in tandem, is what I would like, please.
And, yes, it is also hot outside. | You have a point there. But back to the thing
I am thinking: I want to bury my face in your hot sweaty pussy and I know
you’re gonna be nervous because it’s so hot outside that you think it’s got a
little too much musk going on, but I love it. |
It’s fine dude– I have low blood sugar I think. Do you have,
like, some T riscuits.
I fucked her raw in the guest room. | I have to talk to hookers to get hard. I
have four years of sobriety , she said, clearly high on meth. |
I’m powerless. Not in the good sense
of we admitted we were powerless . | Powerl ess over anyone who wants to
take anything from me and I'll just smile and fucking take it. Won't I. |
How he hadn’t felt like this in a long time.
Hadn’t thought it could happen.On the last day, laying in bed, he asked what the tall guy thought of
the dog. He hates her, she said. | He’s insulted that I let her in the
room.
Well he has a point, he said. She’d grind her cunt on my knee when
we fucked and stick her face in trying to lick my balls. |
2 days later. I did cocaine and took
valiums and drank a fifth of brandy. | OK. It will be fine. |
She looked down and saw my Kubrick stare. Neglected
cigarette dangling. | Recoiled in horror.
This is the second window shot I’ve got in a week. Another girl, same
building, left her blinds open while lounging in a black bra on the couch. |
That I’ll meet my future wife in the real world. He’s right about the
first part, so I’m trusting him. | I met a girl in life. I texted and asked her on a
date. |
Now you’re gone and without you I’m gone
too. I can’t move your food bowl. | I hear you outside wanting to come in, get
brushed, sit next to me on the piano bench while I look at stupid shit on the
internet, you groom yourself. That was what we did most nights. |
The finger made it angry. The burn spread from my ass to my guts to
my navel.
I’m gonna ride it out. | The doctor would be a hassle. But what if it’s infected.
What if it’s a pus bulb from a wound from some shard of chicken bone I
swallowed. |
Maybe it’s in the kitchen.
She followed him. Why would you put it in the kitchen?
I don’t know. | Maybe I filed it under “cleaning products” in my mind.
In the cabinet under the kitchen sink, arrayed beneath the gooseneck, were the
3-Pak of duel surface dish sponge/ pot scrubbers, the new yellow latexgloves, and the Reduced Environmental Harm pine cleaner he had purchased.
No soap.
Look, he said, I bought it. I remember now, because we had the coupon. |
I want that.
That Sunday he rode his unicorn in the mountains. Monday night she
cooked him chicken after work. | She was perfect.
On Tuesday he kissed her on the forehead as she slept. Went to smoke a
cigarette in the park. |
Got on tiptoes. Her hip grazed his arm, shifted the cloth of his dress
shirt and gave him ASMR. | His neck hair stood up. He hadn’t been touched in three weeks. |
I was a degenerate
scumbag exploiting poor young girls. For five minutes I was a ”journalist”
when I found two 12 year olds kept in a scummy apartment complex with a
cat drowned in the pool. | Doubtless hired out by an old Australian with eyes
pointing different directions. Tried to talk to them about how’d it come to
this but they didn’t tell me shit, just gamed me. |
I would
like to see and hold and touch and suck on your titties. May I do that please. |
I would like to sniff your used panties, woman who rings up my hamburger. I
would like you to gently fondle my testicles, girl who works in the upstairs
office. |
Selling the chance to send five retarded kids to the Vaude ville
Variety Follies in Oregon and Texas and Arizona. I locked on to something
and walked in knowing I would kill and so I did. | A woman gave a thousand
dollars because she was mad at her husband and I was a man to talk to. A
man started out screaming at me out for screwing real charities out of money
and when I gave him the voice he calmed down and bought. |
Pussy is free. Love you have to buy. | Buy it
with charm, fame, or just money. Whatever it is, better have more than her.
I make her write every day. |
He was clearly taking a shit. Good f or him.
Little mousy haired girl ordering. | Baggy white pants. I cannot tolerate a
woman who does not wear form fitting clothing on her lower body . |
Fleas have small noses and 10,000 Tinder
matches. Fleas all have book deals. | 30,000 twitter followers . Fleas are
luminaries in “alt” literary movements and have appeared in the New
Yorker . |
It’ll be hard with no
money but I can live as long as I know you love me. She was in the
bathroom; the door was half open. | Her hand was in the crook of her
arm, turning on her medication.Take Me Home Tonight
He was lit and he went to the back patio for a cigarette. It was
Monday and the crowd wasn’t bad. |
He’s lying
about being six foot four. I’m six one and a half and the roof rubs my crown
and expands my bald spot. | With the top down the crisp rear view mirror
showcases my Robert Redford at 78 skin. But once in a while you get to
screw it on, it sounds like an absolute son of a bitch. |
Whereas the scope of my failure is dazzling.
Date Night Just Got Tastier
Missed call.12:32 AM from Gracie T inder August 2016.
Who is that. Did I say bad shit about her? Could she accuse me of rape?
AIDS? Pregnant ? August 2016– 8 months ago. | That’ s not an abortion call.
That’ s an I’m having it call. Good. |
He waited for the iron to get hot. Tried again. | This time it hissed.
The fabric got marginally smoother. He spritzed it again. |
He thought the idea of God
was ridiculous but he believed that women could smell pheromones through
phones and computers. That if he sent the exact same words but didn’t get
laid the night before they could tell. | Therefore it was important that he
message girls today. The shot clock had been reset.
I think we’ll have fun,
one of them said back.
949-555-6879.
**********
They were at El Prado. |
Her being hurt. My fucking it up. | If she didn’ t love me back it’d
be OK. That would be normal but having a chance and then having to do
something. |
He had mineral water . She had high alcohol
content ale. | She was maybe 90 lbs, Chinese and 22. So this could
happen, he thought. |
My shit is good and it
really happened. W hy then is he rich and I’m broke.
But my friend was impressed. | I get more ass from this than he gets being
Julian Schnabel junior. I can bitch but I have pussy lined up all over the
world. |
I do tell them good things about
you.
… like what?
You look 14 and suck a mean dick, he said. And she laughed.
He’d told them he liked her a lot. | That he could see himself with her.
That she was pretty and easy to talk to and had her shit together but
not in a drink the Kool Aid careerist way that made you sick to hear
about. How rare she was. |
She was
perfect. I just want to touch you so I can remember you, I told her. | You
won’ t, she said.
At night she led me back to her room and kissed me and my mouth went
numb. She got on top of me and moved. |
He’s nice–
Don’t feel bad. She missed too.
He lowered the gun. | Are you OK, he said to Marcy, and she said yes I’ve been telling you. My
name’s Kent, said the man. |
But I’m glad I did. There’s a thing about you, fuck– I
fucking suck at this. | I just like you a lot. I want to see you again.
Are you saying this so I’ll come home with you?
No, he said.
You sure?
I’m sure, he said. |
The women I loved chased me. Made the first move. | I
worked with them or they just liked my OKCupid. When I
initiated it always failed. |
But
then who cares about a handjob. She tickled my oily asshole. | Told me I have
a nice body . I can’t believe you’re 40, she said. |
You don’t say no to
anything. If you don’t want Kool Aid, you keep it to trade. | They mix it with
vaseline and make lipstick. I never hated women before but I don’t
understand them now, she said. |
Just got in town, I tell them. What kind of doctor are you.
What is the most common cause of abnormal liver tests. | Will it kill a 40 year
old man. Ur hot, they reply. |
Sometimes not. Drivers from
lawless places.
Pipe right at eye level and once a week he almost got lanced in the face like a jousting accident.
He’d read about a woman killed by a flying manhole cover. | She was driving and an oil truck bumping
over it set it spinning like a giant Chinese star. Through the windshield into her eyes like the
Simpsons’ dog with the frisbee. |
You’re built to suffer. Your big brain which you think
is to make tools, fight off rampaging ground sloths– it’s to trick another
man out of pussy until he brains you with a rock with his finely honedDarwinian hands. | It’s to take things away from other people. Them or you.
Money food pussy . |
Are you OK?One thing is bothering me.
What?
Tabasco branding with golf. Affluent males over 40 don’t– didn’t– drive household condiments.
It boosts casual fine dining use, she said. | The guy goes to Applebee’s and asks for Tabasco.
Oh shit, you’re right.
We don’t have to think about that stuff anymore, she said.
Thank God.
What was the story you were going to tell me.
Well it’s not mine, he said. But I read this thing in the New Yorker. |
And the word was so doubleplus ungood
that Mark seemed scared of saying “microwave” even in the sentence “you
must never say the word ‘microwave.'”
Mark wasn’t a bad guy, although I never forgave him for the time I fried my
hand on the clamshell grill and got a blister from my pinky to my elbow, and
he just scotch taped a bandage on it and made me work the rest of my shift.
But he was human. He was just beaten down from fear of losing his job at
McDonald’s, fear of bringing nothing home to his family. | He just got so
indoctrinated with corporate bullshit that he had to spend his days making aroom full of teenagers terrified of saying “microwave.” The value of fucking
work.
I left, but not before earning a ten cent raise as a “senior grill crew” member
and a special pin for how long I’d worked there and how little I’d fucked up.
Every job I’ve ever had since has been exactly the same. |
Held up the jar of Fish Mox Forte Tropical Aquarium
Amoxicillin. Shook out a handful of caps and dropped them in the Tabasco shirt pocket. | TAKE
THESE. TAKE THESE EVERY DAY.
He put down an Evian and an Activia. |
Figuring out the air filtration. Gotta ventilate
the fumes or we’ll smoke ourselves before Ivan does.
You’ve been a busy man, Kent.
Actually I had most of this stuff in my house. | Getting it here was the bitch.
Did you have family?
I might still, said Kent. Two ex wives. |
Rustling the blinds perched in the bedroom window sill, always next to
me. You stayed with me.
I moved your food bowl and I want to collapse. | Leaving the door open
waiting for you to come bounding in. You can’t be gone. |
Priscilla had made it through med
school. But appearing distraught was the hardest thing she’d ever done.
For the first time in history , the unlaid were organized. | People had had
Freedom Dividends six months . Now taking it away meant murder . |
The boy was about 12 and he
was sleeping. And I want you to suck my cock, he said. | But he didn’t. They’d been doing coke for 90
minutes. |
If we’d gone to Catalina
like I said. I didn’t follow through so she chased some other guy to fucking
Denmark. | She wouldn’ t tell me anything about him. T o torture me. |
Wrists pinned over her head, legs open. Trying
to get the tip in raw when she’d been adamant about condoms. | She laughed it
off. They always do. |
This was before I knew how to lie to girls. “I’m a
telemarketer,” I would say. | “Oh fuck, I hate you guys.”
No matter how good you are most of them hate you. Once in a while one of
them will get through to whatever tender spot you have left. |
Bach’ s only solo
flute composition.
She didn’t recognize him. He needed to spell his name to get the
credit card back. | When she took the receipt she said thanks with a
hint of fuck you on her breath. He could never figure out his
transgression.
On the walk to the car he held out his arm. |
Weird animals shrieked in the far
distance. When he dreamed he dreamed he had the old her back, stroking
his hair and his taint and humming symphonies. | He woke up with her
thumbs in his eyes. It only hurt for an instant as she made needles inside
him that moved like worms.
She carried him through the painted mountains and he laughed and smiled,
sweating in his coyote fur coat. |
Looking for one small act of kindness. Finally I’ve
found you. | She bit into his head and began sucking out the juice.That Pussy Will Cost You
The last thing I haven’t given over to God. Women. |
She
asked about a condom. I don’t have any diseases, he said. | Have you
been tested? Not since the Philippines. I can’t not tell you that I had
unprotected sex with prostitutes over there. |
Now I’m glad I remember.
She took care of me. I took care of her. | When she took too many pills I’d turn
her over. One day I couldn’t. |
Keep her in a finished
basement until she has the baby and I eat it. I want a girl like Nell kept
chained up in a cabin until pubescence. | Part her three cunt hairs, launch
load after load into her dumb young womb. Try not to laugh at her inchoate
moans. |
PWW bought advertising time from television stations
en masse
. Sold it on arbitrage markets it created. | The purpose of UAG and thus Wentworth was to
help create demand for advertising time. PWW could then buy low and sell high. |
Can’t have a woman in
my peripheral vision without latching on to her like the Terminator. Picture
my tongue on every inch of her skin. | Lick off her makeup and her lilac
scented Secret®, strong enough for a man PH balanced for a woman. Her
half lilac half summer taint smelling sweat therefore clocking in at a perfect
7.0 as I feast on her three day armpit stubble. |
Drive to work with the obnoxious radio. Work a jobwhere saying my title makes my dick shrink like I’m eight years old in a cold
lake. | Collect a salary that puts me in the top ten per cent of all individuals in
America, the point zero one three per cent of all people on Earth; I am one of
the highest earning people who has ever lived, according to some dick
measuring money web site that tries to sell me mortgages. I make three times
more than the average family in my city, which is one of the most expensive
in history. |
Manacles and whips
for the junior high school girls I’ll capture the very instant shit hits the fan.
Chain them up in back of a taco truck, take it up into the Angeles Crest and
from there up to Banff. Somewhere there’s a river and meat. | Josef Fritzl it
into my old age until one of my sons gets bad enough to kill me. I’m too
compassionate is my problem. |
A perfect plate of
eggs and an English muffin with jam you made yoursel f. The day
before that we’d taken the kids to a barbecue at someone’ sgrandmother ’s house in Sherman Oaks. | Tasteful home artfully
decorated with Chinoiserie; people talking about their families and
jobs. Kids playing Marco Polo in the pool. |
Subsets and Splits