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SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 F] with my ex [21 M] we dated for 5 yrs on and off, feeling jealous and wanting to move on.
POST: My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for a year now, going to be two in May. We broke it off because of a silly reason due to a terrible friend we had. Also he was the first guy i ever dated we did a lot things together.
Fast forward to now, he recently got a new gf, which is great I always support his decisions, but I feel like I'm being a jealous jerk. But the weird thing is about this new girl is shes like a shorter version of me and all of our friends agree on that. Shes a really nice person and I like her.
I always keep myself away from their problems, but me and the new gf went shopping and she broke down crying in the mall over him. I couldnt let her keep crying in front of all those people, so I talked to
him about them. Mind you they only been together for 2 months. She was stressing over him.
Later after I apparently fixed things we go to game night the next night after all that. She then gets mad at him for shooting a nerf gun at me calling it flirting, he was running around the room getting everyone. Next game night she spends an hour under a blanket crying because he was talking to me.
This time i didnt go to the game night, Ive been excluding myself so i dont stress her out and myself. I still miss him and im worried that my presence is going to ruin their relationship. Even though he told her that he still talks to me and he asked her if she can handle it. I feel like im being jealous and i never truely got over him.
TL;DR: | Ex bf got a new gf I'm feeling a little jealous im not sure how to move on, i am currently seeing someone but he doesnt know how to talk to me about this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: me (19F) with my boyfriend (19M). I can't control my feelings of jealousy because his sister is going to my dream school that I couldn't go to because it was so expensive.
POST: So here's the deal: my boyfriend and I have been long distance for a year, together about 2 (we were high school sweethearts). He goes to cornell and my dream college was ithaca college (both are in ithaca ny) I ended up not being able to go because it was too expensive for my family. Instead, I'm going to a shitty state school in massachusetts because its so cheap. I don't hate it here, I've made good friends and I'm doing well, it just hurts when I think about it.
so basically his sister is in the grade below me and is probably going to ithaca college. his family is a lot wealthier than mine. he keeps talking about it, CONSTANTLY, saying how great it'll be that they can be in the same city. I'm not going to pretend to be happy for her, I know it sounds awful, but I can't!! I know I'm being a brat, it just hurts my heart and makes me really sad. I feel like I deserved to go there more/am a lot smarter and it just sucks. I sound like such a stupid, 1st world bitch right now. Its everything- ithaca college would have put me in the same city as him so we wouldn't have to struggle with an LDR, I fell in love with the college..idk.
Should I say something to him?
TL;DR: | BF's sister got into my dream college (i couldn't go bc I couldn't afford it.) he keeps talking about it. I want to kill him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [16M] with my crush [17F]. Got friendzoned, best way to get over her?
POST: So basically I've liked this girl since early December and she has known since mid Decemberish. About mid January we started properly speaking and at the beginning of February I took her on our first date (Note: I've previously had a gf, she's never had a bf).
It all went well, we went for a meal and then to the cinema (had a cuddle). Then I walked her to her bus stop, we parted and both went home.
The next week was valentines day and we went to a 'gathering' at a friends house, as we both have the same social group. We all took a few shots, then my crush and me got off, went to watch a movie and cuddled. Later she was sick (from too much alcohol) so I looked after her and stayed with her overnight.
Next week we go on another date, go to the cinema, cuddle, get off etc...
We see each other the next Monday in college, and after that I don't see her for the rest of the week and the week that follows as it was mock exams and I went away on a geography trip.
During my trip she started replying less and less to the point where I'd get one reply per day. I just presumed that she's busy with revision.
So today in college she comes up, asks me how my trip was etc, then asks whether we can go talk outside, to which I happily agree thinking nothing of it, but unfortunately she breaks the news and tells me she only likes me as a friend but she enjoyed the dates and that she's really sorry. At this point I'm lost for words so all I say is 'alright', she gives me a hug and we go to our lessons.
Right now I'm really devastated as I really liked her and was not expecting this.
I have my first exams in May, yet she is still on my mind and I need to get over her so that I can focus on my work. Any tips or advice? I don't want to make it awkward either.
Thanks for reading.
TL;DR: | Didn't see crush for 2 weeks, come back and I've basically been friendzoned. Need advice on moving on quick as I have exams in 2 months! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How soon is too soon to say I love you?
POST: So I've been dating this guy he's 35 really loving, caring, and thoughtful but it's only been a month since we started dating. Heres the back storey i met him through ok cupid i normally dont go on those site however my cousin signed me up and posted a profile for me (Since she met her significant other and she thought she could find my prince charming). Well we ended up meeting had our first date it was amazing we had 2 more fates and everything was going well.
I've had a trip to France planned and booked way before I met him. So I told him about it 3 days before i actually leave. the day before he asks me to be his GF and I'm not a very lovey dovey girly girls I'm realistic. So I say yes because I have alot going on and that was not a talk I wanted to have before a trip. within the first week back from my two week vacation he tells me I love you. Mind you I don't say it very loosely at all. I didn't grow up in a I love you household it's more of a if you fall down get back up and try again. So I like him but I know I'm not ready to say it I'm still kind of feeling him out.
how do i handle it? And how can i say it without sounding like such beast?
I still want to see him but I kind of think it would hurt his feelings. He seems like the guys that's ready to settle and get married but I'm still growing learning and finally on the right track in my career I'm 30 btw I know I'm not getting younger but it just seems like it's moving too fast.
TL;DR: | Aaron said I love you 1 month into the relationship. Can I continue the relationship without saying it back? What to do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Parenting
TITLE: 3m old going through Ponseti casting for clubfoot. HELP!?
POST: Has anyone else gone through this? He started his treatment a little late, so every time he tries to move his leg and realizes he can't, he flips out. This results in TONS of crying, and him being overtired because he isn't sleeping for more than ~45m to an hour at a time, when my kid usually sleeps about 6h straight at night. This is my first baby and I can't find any information online about how to care for an infant with a leg cast. What can I do to help him be more comfortable? We have 6 weeks of this coming up and I'm pretty sure neither he nor I are going to retain our sanity unless something changes.
TL;DR: | 3month old in a leg cast for the next six weeks and won't stop crying. How do I help him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me 27 M with my ex 22F of 2 months, we broke up about 4 months ago. Is she trying to get back with me?
POST: Earlier this year I was dating a girl and two months into the relationship I found out that she was still sleeping with her FWB. She lied to me couple times that she was hanging out with her room mate when she was actually over at her FWB. The details of that are [here](
This shattered all the trust that I had in her and I ended the relationship with her. I went NC and never contacted her again. She tried to get in touch but I still wasn't over the betrayal feeling. Last week she left a voicemail saying sorry that it happened and she really wishes that it never happened.
Hearing an apology made me feel sorry for her and I contacted her to meet up so at least we can be on talking terms. I don't know what the motif behind her apology was but I still don't think I can date her again.
What would you do if you were in my position? Give her another chance or give her closure and move on
TL;DR: | Broke up with ex 4 months ago. She leaves a voicemail apologizing for sleeping with another guy while we were dating. Not sure why. Should I give her another chance even though the trust is gone? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: NSV:Changing The World
POST: One person at a time.
Yesterday, /u/LunarRarity posted about how she had inspired a friend to start seeking a healthier lifestyle. I thought that was really excellent, and an awesome testament to the domino effect that we can have by taking control of our own lives. Others can see our strength grow, see our positive attitude and the changes it is causing in our lives, and become inspired to do likewise.
This morning I wake up to a message from my older brother, who lives a state away from me: "Well you got me thinking about getting old, buddy so I went on a diet and started walking (running a little bit). lol you start somewhere so I'm going to say thanks brother"
When we were younger, I was always the chubby, nerdy kid, and my brother was the cooler, more athletic, popular guy. The fact that seeing me start seizing my life by the horns and take control has made him take steps of his own, well, it's kinda blown my mind over here.
I am glad for him, because he has gotten a bit heavier as time has gone on, and his father (we have different biological fathers.) Died fairly early on in his life from a heart attack, so the history is there, and leading a healthier life will help combat those genetics.
TL;DR: | Do what you are doing. Share what you are doing. You can have more of an affect than you could ever realize on the people who are in your life. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Worried that religion will affect my [21M] and my girlfriend's [22F] serious relationship of 2.5 years
POST: The story of my girlfriend and I is a little non-traditional. She used to date one of my good friends in college. They broke up after a month which is when I realized I liked her and we started to hang out. The friend still had feelings for her as well and it was back and forth with both of us for a semester. Her and the friend got back together, but he cheated on her within a week. We started dating a month later.
Our relationship has been fun and great, and we're starting to be serious and consider our future. We've been with each other for the past 2 1/2 years. I do love her and we have thought about a future together. But more recently I've been starting to second guess things, mostly based on our religions. She was raised Christian and still believes. Her family is also very religious. I was raised as a Christian as well, and my family is also super religious. When I was in high school is when I started to question my beliefs and became more agnostic/atheist. I think my parents have an inkling of an idea that I'm not religious, but I have never flat-out told them.
While we've been together, she has suggested we go to church or watch it online, but we never end up doing it. She knows I'm not the most religious, and I feel like in her mind it's beginning to bother her. I know when she talks about a future family, she doesn't want them to have conflicting beliefs. I would feel uncomfortable lying and saying I believe when deep down I know I do not.
I guess this has made me question how long our relationship would be able to last into the future. And on top of that, I would feel guilty having fought for her for a whole semester to end it now. She always tells me how lucky she is that she found me and I know she suffers from depression and panic attacks and it kills me at the thought of it. I'm not sure how to proceed.
TL;DR: | How viable is a future with someone religious while I am not and she wants to raise (future) kids under one belief? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: My roommate doesn't understand why I would want to be asleep in the wee hours of the morning.
POST: I have class at 8 am. I had intended to sleep until 6 am as usual, but my roommate decided to start watching a movie at 3:45 am.
Now, when I'm awake and he's asleep, I do this thing you might have heard of called respecting him. I wear headphones. It's not that hard, and I know he has them.
Meanwhile, this week I have six exams that I have been studying for. The only breaks I take are to eat, sleep and shower. I haven't even been on here in nearly a week, which is saying something. I pointed this out when he woke me up, and he said he just wanted to watch something while he goes to sleep. FUCK
I'll talk to him about it when he wakes up.
TL;DR: | My asshole roommate woke me up at 3:45 this morning, and I'm considering holding a pillow over his face. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My co-worker (f/25) and friend is dating my boss (m/37). How do I (f/27) explain to her that she is making the office awkward?
POST: They've been dating for 2-3 months and it's gotten very serious over the last month and a half or so. They've actually handled it pretty well for the most part, despite mis-givings around the office. As far as I'm concerned she hasn't been getting any special treatment or anything, which is what I think most people were worried about.
Over the last month, she has been more and more overt about her affection for him. She is constantly flirting with him physically and verbally or just giving him her 'fuck me noaw' look. Sometimes I just want to tell them to get a room. She is almost always the 'agitator'; sometimes the boss is all about that action, but there are definitely times when you can tell he recognizes how awkward the situation is.
This behavior is getting to the office. Everyone (with the exception of me) was doubting this relationship, and for two months they proved the doubters wrong, then she starts sabotaging her relationship with this behavior; it doesn't make any sense.
How do I as a friend, and as a co-worker who is experiencing the awkwardness, explain to her in a nice way that if she doesn't cut it out she will A) Turn the office against her, and B) sabotage her relationship?
TL;DR: | co-worker is making the office awkward by flirting with the boss. How do I talk to her about it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: A girl (17) really hurt me (17) but I am the only one that knows one of her biggest secrets which in a way explains why she handles things the way she does. Should I walk out or stay and help her?
POST: This girl was a really good friend of mine to the point where we acted like we were together but never put a title on it, this time last for about six months, but I have known her since January of this year. In a short time she ran away from what we had and is now dating someone else. See now I know the most logical thing would be to turn around and not speak to her, but I know something about her that is in a way causing problems with the way she handles her relationships and justifies why is ran aways from me. Now I am stuck in between running away from here and becoming someone else who leaves her life, or stay and try and help her while ignoring the past.
TL;DR: | a girl that I was more than just friends with hurt me but still claims that I am the only person who genuinely cares about her. Should I stay or should I go? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Still can't get over ex, years later. What do I do?
POST: Ex and I are both females, mid 20's.
Let me start by saying I am with someone now that I love very much, and I am about to move in with. I do sometimes have my doubts, but for the most part, we get along very well and treat each other well.
I recently got a call from my ex, who I haven't seen in years and haven't talked to in over a year as well, mostly by my own choice. She broke my heart terribly, and it took me years to be able to date anyone else in a serious way. I still consider her to be the most beautiful person I have ever met, and I have never, before or since, been in love like I was with her. I know my current s.o. would be very upset about that fact. Who wouldn't be?
How do I get over her? I thought I was, but o get a phone call from an ex of over 5 years and to start crying over her just seems absurd to me. I want to feel that love again, but with my current partner, who reciprocates. This is not a problem I can discuss with my partner.
TL;DR: | Still not over ex from years ago, moving in with new partner soon. What do I do to fix my feelings? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19 M] am not sure how to respond physically [18 F].
POST: I don't know how to respond physically. She has been incredibly tolerant of my inexperience so far; she declared that we are "dating". She's awesome, but this is the first time I've been in this type of situation. For one, she rested her legs on my lap while we talked for like an hour last night and I wasn't quite sure what to do with my hands. Eventually, I rested my hands on her knee. Later, she'd rest her head on my shoulder on the couch. In retrospect, I should have wrapped my arms around her. When she got cold outside, I wrapped my arms around her a few times and she'd actually move in closer to me, but walking around like that is kind of hard. I told her that the transfer of heat is not enough and stopped after a while... I realize the thought is more important than actually keeping her warm, but my hand was freezing.
How do I overcome my own inhibitions? A lot of my inhibitions have come from the fact that she outright shut out a guy because he was getting too touchy. It might have been that she had already "chose" me by that time. She's really great gal, but I am not sure if I am doing enough on my part.
TL;DR: | How do I lose my inhibitions to make physical contact? I don't know how to push physically without discomforting her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: School problems regarding a movie shot inside it
POST: Hi everyone, first time posting here and I'm coming to your help as you guys are my last chance of making this one out .
So it all began on 27 nov in my sport class at which I arrived 5 minutes late and I wasn't allowed to enter . Togheter with 2 other friends and one that captured the moment, we jumped out the window and over a small fence that separates the school from the actual gym class . All in all we didn't mean any harm to our highschool and we just went back inside the school and waited there for the next class .
A few days later this video has been made public and got to a pretty popular Facebook page . I tried contacting the person who posted it (he wasn't even from our group of friends) and the admins of the page but with no succes .
Unfortunately, as we expected, the headmaster found out about this video and is now threatening us with expulsion . Knowing that we didn't mean any of this and was just an inside joke, no teachers were involve and it's just a small portion of the school that shows in the clip is there any method that we can pull this on trough ?
TL;DR: | We tried to escape from our gym class by jumping trough the windows and over a fence, we got filmed by another coleague and the headmaster found out about it . How to we settle this down ? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My[22f] bf [22m] of six months just asked me a pointless question. Am I overreacting to take this as a red flag?
POST: We've been dating for six months, it's been great and no problems in particular. For background information though, we've never met each other's parents, but we do know about each other's family.
Yesterday, my BF and I were looking through random websites together and we read through a post that said the OP's mother in law told her that she was too fat and she needed to lose weight. Quote to quote the conversation that followed.
(me) "Wow, that's pretty harsh of the MIL. It's none of her business."
(bf,) "What would you do if my mom told you to lose weight?"
And I sorta went "???" but when he continued to wait for me to answer, I told him "Well, I think it would be your responsibility to respond to her. It's not like I'd be able to say anything but 'yes, okay." (we're both Asian, so talking back to somebody older than you, much less the parent of your partner is pretty much unthinkable)
(bf) "Hmmm."
My first gut reaction was wtf, why is that even a question. Now, thinking on it, I'm wondering if he's the kind of boyfriend who can never stand up for their girlfriend when their mom is in the picture. Because his question seems to imply that, that it would actually be my responsibility to tell his mom that she's being inappropriate.
Does the question strike anybody else strange? Or am I just blowing things out of proportion and need to chill the hell down?
(if it matters, I'm 5'5" & 127 pounds)
TL;DR: | Boyfriend asked me what I would do if his mom told me to lose weight. Am I overreacting to think that he's the type of guy who can't stand up to his mom? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Any doctor husbands/boyfriends out there? My (24/m) girlfriend (23/f) worries about my profession...
POST: So the rumor is doctors are usually busy and "married to medicine". She wonders about whether she can deal with me being missing on most nights because I'll be flying out to attend conferences, staying in hospitals for night duties, missing events because of sheer workloads, being chronically sleep-deprived and not being able to give her the attention that she likes. I've read tons on how 1 out of 3 docs get burnt out from workload and emotional distress from their work. Also about how relationships fail... and well, the general bias of articles against "having a doc boyfriend"...
Of course, we're committed to each other and I'm determined to love her properly. I just wanted to know if you (or any doc friends) have managed their relationship well. I would love some tips even if you're not in the scenario.... or you could be in a really really busy profession. Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks reddit.
TL;DR: | I'm going to be in a very busy profession and gf is worried about her needs not being met in the future. Both of us are committed to make it work. Any tips to help ease the process? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: At what point does being a gentleman signal a lack of interest?
POST: So I recently moved to a relatively large city in Texas and the easiest way to meet people is through apps like Bumble and Tinder. I have met quite a few guys through both Apps and either nothing transpired because either side was not interested or the guys just wanted to hook up and leave. To be honest, I am a 29 year old woman with just about everything in my life figured out, except that one tiny aspect, and I am starting to want to find somebody. Yes, I know these apps are mainly for hook ups, but they are also the easiest way to meet somebody in a new city.
Last night I met a guy, who is 27, who was a perfect gentleman. He came over to my house after work, we drank some wine, and watched a movie. Now while watching the movie I got cold and got a blanket and he got underneath as well, but nothing happened short of snuggling under the blanket. After the movie was over we watched some funny clips on youtube and chatted for a bit and around 10 pm he left to go home. He gave me a hug and told me he would text me the following day.
I have not heard from him yet, which is fine, I am not too worried about that, but I do feel like in today's modern world, kissing on a first date is no longer a big deal by any stretch of the imagination, especially when you've met on an app like Bumble or Tinder. However, I also acknowledge that some men are just being perfect gentlemen. So my question is, at what point does it stop being that he is just a gentleman and start being because he just isn't interested?
TL;DR: | Met a guy on Bumble; we hung out; he didn't make a move. Was he being a gentleman or just not interested? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19 M] with my Ex [17 F] 4 years of dating, we're trying to be friends
POST: Basically, we dated for 4 years, broke up for 5 months got back together, changed a lot and I treated her bad so we broke up. We've spent a good 20% of my life and almost a fourth of hers dating Most of my growing up was done with her and my everything reminds me of her. This time when we broke up we wanted to stay friends. She said she wanted time, maybe a few weeks or so off from each other, so I obliged and haven't started or carried conversation since she said that until today. She texts almost every day and starts small conversations and keeps them going and I'm not that much of an asshole so I reply. We are great at being friends without being in the same room together.
This coming thursday marks the return of the yearly carnival that comes to our small town and well, we might be running into each other so I asked if she would want to hang out. She said maybe, but she has mixed feelings. I do too, and I refuse to do it alone and know I will probably want her back so I have my friends coming with us and if I even look like I want to try something they have a code phrase to get me a reason to ditch (my brother being drunk and needing a ride) that would be believable. I have no idea how to be friends with her. What am I supposed to do? We both still have feelings for each other but we know that we're toxic when we're dating so we can't be more than friends.
TL;DR: | In love with my ex, but can't love her. She loves me, but can't love me. We want to stay friends but I don't know how to just be friends with her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, I have 5000$, am about to quit my job, and am looking for adventure.
POST: I have recently just graduated with my master's degree in Science, and have never really just dropped everything and travelled.
At the moment, i work two jobs, anywhere from 50 to 65 hours a week, 7 days a week, because one is fun but not career related (a waitress) and one is career-related but not fun (data entry and general bitch work--however if I keep at it I am sure it will lead somewhere someday).
So, I have been in school more or less full-time for the past 8 years (however grad school can be a pretty sweet deal if you work with fun people) and am looking to finally DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING. I am so inspired by reddit and redditors and all the amazing stories, and I just want to go out and have an adventure that will help me with my next decision in life.
The Details:
I will probably have about 7000$CA that is pure spending money by the end of the month.
I have an awesome dog who can travel anywhere by car with me in North America/Central South (but i would have to drive).
I like camping, hiking, outdoor adventures and also fine dining/culture and cool cities, but am looking to get the most mileage for my money.
I will go anywhere and would like to go more than one place.
I would go for up to two months without my dog and probably four if he could come for some of it.
Probably travelling alone, but we'll see.
Ok, there we go! I doubt I'll get any hits, but would love the few of you to comment you will!
TL;DR: | I have 5000-7000$ to spend on an epic trip and need suggestions. Dog friendly, North American road trip ideas are welcomed too! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29 F] with my ex [31 M] 6 years together. 10 weeks since break. I'm so mental tired.
POST: Hi Reddit.
I thought I would post to you because I've had such amazing support.
My ex broke up with me 10 weeks ago after a 6 year relationship. I have my ups and downs, I'm a lot better than what I was at the start.
I've been away with work for 2 weeks and felt like my self again and felt strong enough. I'm on holiday now to relax but I found my self so mental tired. I'm so tired of training my mind not think of him and how he hurt me. I'm tired of trying to show people I'm OK and getting on with things. the truth is I'm still so hurt & scared.
I've been doing things, going out, doing the NC apart a few lapses.
I don't really have a question. I guess I'm looking for support and maybe some advice.
TL;DR: | 10 weeks break up after 6 years, I'm just so tired of trying to be strong and tell my self to be strong. |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: What is considered an "out of town" guest?
POST: Might seem like somewhat of a silly question, but for my particular situation, it's useful. For initial context, I'm the groom and we're planning it together and things are going very well so far.
We currently live in 2 different cities that are about an hour apart. I went to college away from home and she stayed at home for college. Her family and friends live there, and I live where I went to school (she will be moving in with me over summer, though). We're trying to decide on a venue, but a venue close to her family and friends is inconvenient for my friends, and a venue near me is inconvenient for her family and friends. My family is from out of state and will be unlikely to show up no matter where we have it.
We're putting together our initial guest list so we know what kind of venue we need to look for, and for "math" purposes, what is considered an out of town guest? 30 minutes away? An hour? More?
It seems obvious to just say "have it in between the two places" which would be fine, except the city in between my fiance and I agree is very trashy and nowhere we would want to have a wedding.
TL;DR: | We live an hour apart and have friends local to us in our respective cities. Want to invite them all but don't know how far is "too far" to drive for a wedding. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I suspect that my [26M] girlfriend [26F] got out of an abusive relationship, does this add up?
POST: I've known her for a very long time. She had a relationship for about 3 years that I never really made any of my business. That ended, a few months after we became involved. We've been together for about 8 months, and things are going great. We don't really fight, we are very good at compromising on things, but lots of times we are good at going one way or the other, in terms of what we want, which I think is good. It feels like I'm finally dating an adult, and we're honest with each other, and do our best to solve our problems.
However, every now and then, she will say something like "i have to tell you something, please don't get mad at me", or "promise you won't get mad if I tell you something?", and every time it's something that I would *never* get mad at her for. It's something like her admitting she was worried about her appearance, or telling her close friend that me and her spent a weekend at a hotel as a small vacation. I always tell her that she looks great, which is genuine, or that it's ok that she told her *one* friend that we took a small vacation, really, it's private, but it's really not a big deal at all, we just like some time to ourselves, even if more people knew, it's not a big deal. Every once in a while, she'll have a very small problem, and she'll always basically beg me to not get mad at her. I always try to reassure her that I would never get mad at her for small things like that.
It's just that she gets very nervous when telling me these things, that I would never get mad at her for, but she is so careful about saying it. I get the feeling her ex would freak out on her, and she's worried I would too, but does that sound right?
TL;DR: | girlfriend is worried I'll get mad at her for things that I don't even worry about, think it was her ex that did this?" |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Laptop Advice?
POST: Ok, so I'm starting a masters degree in October. I'm going to invest in buying a new laptop. I have a budget of ~€500 (~$650 USD/£410/$670 CAD)). I'm not entirely sure what i'm looking for, I will be using the laptop everyday pretty much so I guess reliability, ease of use are important qualities.
So I suppose i'm asking the wise ressit users for advice on laptop brands (which are good and which are bad), perhaps even sepcific laptops. Links would be appreciated also if possible (but obviously the advice is what i'm looking for).
Also, advice and where to buy. I live in Ireland, so newegg.com is a no can do. Or perhaps an actual store would be best? I should say now, I don't want a mac so please don't suggest it. Also the budget can't stretch much further, maybe €50 so I was given advice about lenovo laptops but from what i can see they are out of price range.
Really appreciate any support people can give. Apologies about the lack of humour. I'll try step it up in response to comments. Cheers guys (and girls of course).
TL;DR: | Buying a new laptop, advice on brands? Specific Laptops? Where to buy?...Dont want a mac. ~€500 budget ($650 USD) |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How do I handle this credit card company?
POST: Bit of back story-
I am speechless and just not sure where to go from here. I have a credit card where the monthly payment is due on the 8th. I made the payment and according to the account the payment was posted to the account 2 days later on the 10th. Then 2 days after that a late fee of $25 was added to the account. I called the company and was treated to some of the worst customer service I have ever had. The first person I spoke with hung up on me after I asked about the inconsistency. I was already upset at this point and after calling back the next representative started yelling at me saying a late fee was charged because I was late and I wouldn't be able to lie my way out of the charge. After getting a manager on the phone they told me it wasn't their fault that the payment was posted 2 days after I had submitted the payment. He told me from there that he would not reverse the fee as it was justified and it was my fault for not knowing how their payment system worked. I asked to cancel the card but was told if I did they would ding my credit. Any suggestions Reddit? How do I go about having this fee reversed or am I just stuck with it(It won't make or break me, just annoys me to receive that kind of treatment then still told I have to pay it)?
TL;DR: | Credit card company charged me a late fee for a payment that was on time, said it was my fault for not knowing how their payment system worked. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me[23M] with my GF [23F] of 6 month just started long distance thinks I'll cheat on her
POST: I've been with this amazing girl for the past 6 months or so, but now we're going to be doing long distance for at least 2 years due to different job locations. After a month of texting everyday, calling, and skyping occasionally, all seemed well.
However, now she says she's so very scared of getting hurt, as in that I'll find someone better, or even that I'm eventually going to cheat on her. I've tried telling her how much she means to me, and she's obviously been hurt before but I just can't seem to convince her...what can I do?
TL;DR: | just had to start long distance with gf, she thinks I'm going to eventually cheat on her and get hurt. How can I make her feel safe? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Should I chip in for a gift to a friend's girlfriend?
POST: My friend John has a girlfriend, Jane. Jane's birthday is coming up and John wants to give Jane a present worth $700. John cannot afford the gift alone, so he asks friends (of both John and Jane) to pool money together to be able to buy the present.
I am one of the friends asked to chip in. So far, John has successfully asked over 30 people to chip in, so the total contribution per person is currently under $25.
I do not know Jane that well. I have met her 5 times, including going on a trip together. On a "friend scale", I would hang out with Jane only if John and other people are there (group).
Another thing is that I recently participated in a gift-pool for another friend, Lily, in the same social group. It was a $15 contribution for Lily's present. Lily is on a level a little higher than Jane, but Lily *was* a dating interest. I have met Lily around 4-6 times, only once without Jane in the group.
My question is whether I should chip in for Jane's gift? On one hand, I think $25 is too much to spend (I don't normally give gifts, Lily was because she was a dating interest). On the other hand, it feels like it would be awkward the next time I hang out with the group. However, I will probably only hang out with the group at most twice in the future.
What do you think?
TL;DR: | Asked to participate ($25) in a gift-pool for a friend I have only met 5 times. Yes or no? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: 20M, girlfriend (20) asking questions I can't answer
POST: Background- started dating end of junior year. She was coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship (crazy ex who couldn't let go) and we both sort of fell into it. Despite this being my first relationship, we got through her self-esteem issues, the emotional damage, etc. Fell hard into love.
Fast forward to end of summer right before college, best summer of my life (alot of firsts) The relationship was supposed to end, we were going to colleges 4hr apart. We agreed on it and went through with it for a day. She said she made a mistake and wanted to try a long distance relationship.
Result of long distance relationship- we got closer, got through fights, saw each other once a month, I ended up transferring after she proposed. (time passed = 1 semester) I didn't see ldr working out and didn't want it to end.
Present- at the same college, still care about each other, still in love. Then I do something stupid. Not realizing that feelings change/grow, I break up with her because I'm unsure whether I'm still in love.
This lasts about a day, she asks for me back. I agree.
The problem- because of insecurity and our past "breakups", she often questions whether I love her, whether I wish I hadn't come back, would I be happy with someone else? I don't have the experience with anyone else to answer this and I tell her that.
I don't think it's enough, she always withdraws after these conversations. That hurts.
My lament- should I end this for good? Or stay despite the pain, because I do love her.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend asks whether I would be happier with someone else despite this being my only relationship. It's making me feel uncertain. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [32F] with my husband [34M], married two years, together for 6. Is ignorance bliss?
POST: At the end of the year last year, I decided to open my husband's credit card statement. I had no inkling that anything was going on. We are very happy and tell each other we, love each other. However, I discovered that he's been going erotic massage parlors.
I am devastated. I don't know what lead me to open his credit card statement that he always just throws away, he never opens it himself.
My problem now is what to do for my next step. Do I just ignore this and pretend that nothing is going on? Do I tell him I know, but that I found out by opening his credit card statement? I know that's not the right thing to do and like I said, I had no reason to... and he obviously isn't trying to hide anything by just throwing them away.
How do I bring this up to him? Should I bring this up to him? I don't want to divorce him, but I do need to let him know his actions have broken my heart and I'm really upset by this whole situation.
thank you...
TL;DR: | open husbands credit card statement, he's getting erotic massages. wish I had never opened the statement. very upset and don't know how to confront him (or even if I should). |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [21/F] coworker [20/F] doesn't seem to be doing any work when no one's around. Is this something I shouldn't stick my nose in?
POST: This is a really minor issue compared to everything else in this sub haha. I'm a student worker in a small Human Resources office. I really like the job, my fellow student coworkers and I get along great and it's pretty low key work. We busy ourselves with various tasks around the office and the managers will occasionally come out of their offices to give us a project to work on.
My coworker "Beth" started working here a couple months ago (I've been here 2 years). I'm not her supervisor but I do have seniority over her and vague instructions from my manager to show her the ropes. She seems like a really sweet girl but lately I've been noticing that it doesn't seem she gets a lot of work done when she's working alone in the office. Yesterday she worked 3 hours alone before closing, and opening today I saw she made no progress on the project we're working on and little proof of other work done. I'm not against browsing Reddit every so often but it looks like this girl did 30 minutes of work max in all of those 3 hours. I really like how chill my work is but she seems to be abusing it.
What should I do, if anything? Talk to my manager? It feels brown nosey and nitpicky to tattletale on my coworker. Should I talk to her directly? If so, what's a way I can ask her about it without sounding accusatory? Or should I just leave it be since it doesn't affect me directly?
TL;DR: | My coworker doesn't seem to be doing any work during her shifts alone and I don't know how or if I should butt into it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: (Ex)Boyfriend (32M) gave me (24F) money for an abortion and wants me to pay him back half since he dumped me
POST: I'm a student working about 20 hours a week for $12 an hour. Three months ago, the birth control failed and we got pregnant. He always wanted an abortion and I didn't want to initially for religious reasons but ended up getting one because I believed it was the best option at the time. He gave me money to abort after I told him I couldn't afford it at the time. I didn't want to accept at first cause I hate owing people money and I was embarrassed but waiting for my next few paychecks to come meant I was going to be further along my pregnancy. He assured me that I could just come spend the week with him and pay him back "in kisses" and to not worry about money...$500 was "easily made in 2 days" at his job according to him. So I accepted and had the procedure done.
It's been 3 weeks since the abortion. I'm a huge mess over it and it's been hard emotionally. He hasn't been sympathetic and understanding and has started picking fights over it, saying I'm too emotional etc. He broke up with me and told me to write him back a check for $500z
Should I reimburse him? I know it's his money and perhaps I'm just being resentful but I don't want to, in addition to the fact I actually cannot afford to at this time. Any advice?
TL;DR: | ex boyfriend wants his $500 back that he gave me for an abortion there weeks ago. We broke up. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: [PSA] on Wanderable.com Registry
POST: FH and I registered for several excursions on Wanderable.com for our honeymoon and it has been great so far--except for one thing.
We registered for a $700 half day private charter and someone gifted us $140 towards it. We had received several other presents that we hadn't seen any money come into our account, yet we were able to get the excursions scheduled with no problem.
I emailed Wanderable to see what the deal was. It turns out that any gifts that you register with Wanderable that is in their Experience Network Provider, they go ahead and pay the merchant for the amount provided. If there is an outstanding balance at the time you book, you pay for the rest of it.
So, since we didn't realize that, we're now working to try and get our gifted money back from them because, y'know, not everyone has just an extra $560 laying around to pay for a half day charter. If we had known then what we know now about paying the balance, we wouldn't have registered for that excursion! It's not clearly marked on the website, either, as far as I know. I read through the FAQs a few times before settling on using them. (NOTE: found where it says it now. Buried, of course.)
TL;DR: | Wanderable is awesome, but don't register for things that you can't actually afford in case you have to pay the balance. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: In a relationship of 9 months, I've always had trust issues
POST: I have had problems with trusting people even before this relationship began. We met at a party through mutual friends, and at the time she was dating some kid from a distant state. We continued to hang out, and she eventually dumped this kid for me. The breakup was bad, she dumped him and he called her a bunch of names like cunt and whatnot. About a month into our relationship she had a trip planned to visit this state to see this kid, and she had the plane tickets bought already so she went to stay at her relatives instead due to the breakup. Before she left I joked with her, DO NOT go see this kid and she promised she wouldn't.
Fast forward about 5 months and I get into her Facebook because im paranoid as hell about her and my trust is all over the place. I read her messages to see if she's been faithful to me, and she has, except for when I get to when shes on this stupid trip. She messages her ex saying "I wish we were on speaking terms, I'm so bored you could come pick me up and we could have some fun."
When I saw that I flipped a shit and I texted her saying I wanted to break up. She came over, was crying and saying she didnt remember any of that and that she never saw him that time. I decided to stay because we say we love eachother and she means a lot to me.
It's been about 2 or 3 months since then and it's been a rollercoaster of emotion for me, up and down up and down. I always get myself in these paranoid fits and constantly check her facebook and email to look for ill-signs, and when she comes over I check her text messages when shes not around.
I hate living this relationship like this. I feel like a creeper and that I dont know what to do. I want to trust her and I really think I can because there have been no red flags since then, but its hard for me to take this wall down that I have been using to protect myself.
What are your thoughts?
TL;DR: | Been with my gf for almost 9 months now and I still have problems trusting her despite our happy relationship and our love for eachother |
SUBREDDIT: r/Cooking
TITLE: First time Gumbo maker
POST: Hey r/cooking!
I decided to attempt to tackle Gumbo for the first time this weekend and have some friends over to try it out.
I've read up on different recipes and thoughts on how to prepare the roux, etc, but I'm starting to get a little anxious that it will turn out poorly.
When sifting through recipes, are there things that should set off red flags for me? As in, what are the signs of a non authentic or poor recipes?
I was looking to use this recipe:
Also, if it's not too much to ask, what should I pair the gumbo with? I've seen a few things to suggest potato salad, but then saw elsewhere that pickles in potato salad can ruin the dish. I'm starting to get the feel that gumbo is a tad controversial as far as how it's prepared, but if there are any pointers you could give me, I would really appreciate it.
TL;DR: | Making gumbo tomorrow- confused by all the recipes and variations. Don't know what sides will compliment the dish. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [27 F] went on a first date with him [34 M] and it seemed to go really well. I asked him if he wanted to come over tonight for something important and he said he wasn't around. What does that mean?
POST: Long story short, we met through our jobs (I'm a pharmaceutical vendor--his company does business with mine) and had an amazing dinner together initially for work.
It was so amazing that he even asked me out to a proper date which was one of the best I've ever had. He has been in contact with me daily, but I think that he deserves to know that I'm going through a divorce with my ex-husband before things continue (which I assume they will since he asked me on a second date).
I asked him if he could come over tonight/tomorrow/sunday night to talk, but he said that he "wasn't around" this weekend.
It bothers me that he didn't offer to come over another day. Is he just not interested?
TL;DR: | even after a great first date, if a man tells you that he's "not around" this weekend after you ask him if you can talk, does that mean he's not interested? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by flashing my Android phone
POST: This didn't happen today, it happened somewhere in August. So I was trying to get deeper into the Android rooting hypetrain. My phone was already rooted, but I thought that wasn't enough, so I found this patch that improves on some things. I was really curious to see what it was, so I installed Flashify, applied the patch, restarted my phone, and it didn't boot up, it was stuck on the LG logo (I have an LG G3 S, the mini version of the LG G3).
I waited like a minute and then I realized I soft-bricked my phone. Instead of fixing the problem, I decided to apply the patch again.
This time, it didn't even boot up at all. I held the power button down and just... nothing. I tried taking out the battery and putting it back in, but it still didn't work.
Finally, I sent it to LG to get a replacement, and I did get one.
TL;DR: | Found this patch which required flashing, tried to apply it, didn't work, re-applied it, phone didn't boot up, realizes how stupid I am, sends phone to get a replacement, gets one. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22M] told my friend [24M] (who treats me as his little brother he never had) off without thinking.
POST: Me and "J" have known each other for about 3-4 months now and met thru his closest friend; which is also my cousin. "J" spend most of his free time during the first couple months with me by taking me to places, introducing me to his friends, paying for me and even considered me as his little brother that he never had. During these times, I started to open up more, become more sociable, asking women out, making pool become my hobby, etc up to the point where I can talk to him easily about anything, which in a way I guess says we're pretty close, all thanks to him.
Recently, we were going to hang out and play some pool but he had trouble finding the place and me trying to give him directions wasn't helping either. When he told me "You can't talk right, just hand the phone to your friend." and without a beat, I told him "K, fuck you then." and proceed to hand the phone to my friend only to realize he disconnected already.
Later in the evening, my cousin came by to pick me up, talk to me about what I said to J earlier and explained to me what it had an effect to J. As my cousin kept explaining, I start to realize how much of a bastard I became and was ashame to say anything except that I wanted to got home. Once I go home, I called him immediately only to reach his voicemail. I texted him about what my cousin did and wanted to apologize to him face to face or at least let him know I'm sorry.
It's been 3 days, and I've been avoiding my friends because of this. I can't even look at the mirror, guilty, miserable and overall, regret what I said to someone that did alot for me and ask so little from me only to be dissapointed on how I return the favor to him.
My question is: Is there any this piece of shit can fix this friendship or is it permanantly broken for good?
TL;DR: | I told my friend off over the phone when he was willing pick me up and spend the rest of his day with me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I (27/m) recently broke up with my GF (29/f). We're both having a hard time with this, but she keeps reaching out to me. How do I tell her to stop?
POST: Like the title says, I recently broke it off after a year and 3 months. Long story short after 7 months of weekly fights and nothing changing despite my efforts, I felt it was time to call it. There are still feelings, there always are - break ups don't hurt because we don't feel things.
The thing is we were long distance, and I made a lot of things for her to remind her of what we had. She is going through them now and is feeling stuff. Every time she comes across something, she texts me. I don't want to know what she's feeling. I can't trust that she isn't trying to keep me on the hook anyway possible.
It's at the point where she fills my inbox with texts. I'm talking 10-20 new messages an hour. Phone calls and voicemails. She won't stop and I can't heal. How do I stop this?
TL;DR: | I broke up with my GF a couple weeks ago. We're both hurting, but she won't stop emotionally beating on me. How do I make it stop? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How to deal with my [18F] boyfriend [29M] who is so insecure about how I dress?
POST: I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 months and our relationship has been fantastic so far. He has treated me really well and so far we've gotten along like no other bf I've had before. The only thing that has been an ongoing issue with him is how I dress.
I wouldn't say I dress conservatively but I definitely do not dress "revealing". I'm naturally bigger up there so even a tank top or a dress I guess shows more than an average woman but it's nothing intentional. His mood always changes whenever I show a hint of skin, and he makes comments about why I need to wear a tank top, howcome I can't just wear a crewneck tee, or why I'm dumb for bending over or leaning over because guys can see down my shirt?! We've had a few fights over this because I don't think I'm doing anything wrong but he said I'm asking for other men to look at me inappropriately. I really enjoy his company but this issue is like a broken record and I don't know how to make it clear that it's really not as big a deal as he says it is! Would appreciate anyone lending an ear!
TL;DR: | Boyfriend gets angry and passive aggressive whenever I wear a tank top or dress in public, saying I'm asking for other men to look at me. How do I deal with this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Confused about losing my virginity [19F] to BF of 2 years [18M] - NSFW
POST: We've been sexually intimate for a while now through exchanges such as oral and dry sex however, not penetration. I do enjoy the intimate side of our relationship and do not feel the need for penetration. I acknowledge that penetration could add even more spice to our sex life.
I'm satisfied with where we are at this stage although my BF is urging that we have penetrative sex (understandably, because it has been almost 2 years). I feel pressured by this and I'm simply not entirely ready for it. Penetration is a daunting move because fingering has felt extremely uncomfortable and slightly painful. Both my BF's finger and my own have caused this discomfort so I've never had even half a finger inside me. On some of those occasions, I've been very wet and it has helped ease the discomfort, albeit only slightly. I understand this causes distress and disheartens my BF very much. He has been patient but is now placing pressure on me. It's unfair for either parties, I'll attempt to finger myself but I can't lie, I feel reluctant when I do try.
Also, I've been raised up with conservative values which are still reinforced to this day. "Saving myself until marriage" has always been the valued and only option in my parents' eyes. I don't like this idea at all, I feel it's an outdated tradition - unreasonable and controlling on females, in my context anyway. I definitely think these 'values' have added to my discomfort, if not the main cause of my discomfort, both psychologically and physically. Since I've had other forms of sex, I dont consider myself a virgin.
TL;DR: | penetration is so daunting that it's weighing down my relationship with BF of 2 years. I've been raised with conservative values and have been feeling a lot of discomfort and slight pain when attempting fingering (even when lubed). |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: Taught to lie when I was young.
POST: Growing up as a kid my parents always would tell each other lies here and there so in my eyes it was normal. Now the lies weren't big lie it was always over stupid things that most normal people wouldn't lie about.
It wasn't until I meet my wife that I realized how much their lying rubbed off on me. I have gone through hard times with my wife because of the lies that I have told. I have been able to pretty much shake this habit but every once in awhile it reappears out of no where like yesterday. My wife comes home from work and asked if I let the dogs out. Without missing a beat I said yes automatically even though I knew I hadn't. My wife knows the face I make when I lie and was upset. She has since forgiven me after we talked about it. Though I'm sitting here still disgusted with myself that it happened. My wife deserves the best and I feel terrible that I slipped up. Lying sucks!
TL;DR: | Taught to lie at a young age. Nearly ruined my marriage. Disgusted with myself cause I lied yesterday over nothing. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 F] with my BF [26 M] 2 years, I know we're drifting apart but how do I end it with the least amount of self-torture?
POST: I know, and I've known for a while, that we're not going to end up together. I thought really and truly that we were for a while, but now I'm seeing who he actually is, and although I don't say it, I don't think he's ready for a relationship or to care about someone else.
However, I just moved away from him to a new town (we're now long distance), and I have NO friends here. There are two other people at my work, and they're married with kids. I have no one else to talk to, so just ending it is really hard. I've been trying to go to meetups to meet new people, but I just can't connect with anyone. I meet people, but they don't turn into friendships.
I know that he's becoming a really toxic person in my life, and maybe his friendship isn't even worth it. But at the same time, with no one to go to, nothing to distract myself, no friends to commiserate with, I have no idea how I'm supposed to do this. I also have really bad anxiety and last time I tried to end it, I don't know how to describe it but I felt like I was losing my only anchor. I really have no one else.
Any help for how to do this?
TL;DR: | I know i eventually need to break up with my BF. They say "distract yourself," how do you do that when you don't have any distractions? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How to deal with a jealous boyfriend?
POST: Me 23F Him 25 - Just starting dating, been official for a little over a month. My last relationship was about a year ago, lasted for 2 years, so I've been used to being single and having that freedom. His last was about 6 months ago I'd say but not too serious. Its moved pretty fast. We have a really strong connection and amazing chemistry. Pretty much we are crazy about each other and everything is going great.
The only thing that seems to be an issue is he's insecure from past relationships because he was cheated on and screwed over royally. I live with two gay guys, all the way gay (like freaked out by vaginas) and he still has an issue with it because they are still "guys". I go out to gay clubs a lot with them and he gets jealous but there's absolutely no threat. I am bi, and he has said that it worries him that I have more "options" for cheating?
He just worries so much about me, even though I reassure him that I'm nuts about him, he still gets jealous. I'm just scared that this will turn into a big thing and eventually push me away from him because I don't want to be controlled. I was honest in the beginning about wanting to still hang out with my friends and not vanish because I got a boyfriend. He also dislikes when guys comment on my fb statuses or pics, but my relationship status shows I'm dating him.
We talked about it a little last night and he just kept saying "I will learn to deal with it", but I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong by still wanting to have a social life. I also don't want him to have to "deal" with anything, I want him to be comfortable and trusting.
How can I gain his trust? I don't want him to worry and I understand he's been burned before. What is the best route to go with this?
TL;DR: | My new boyfriend gets jealous of me going out with my gay roommates to gay clubs. He's been cheated on before, how can I convince him that he has nothing to worry about? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How important is that butterfly feeling when starting a new relationship?
POST: I (24F) have been casually seeing a new person (28M) for about a month. He is cute and funny, I enjoy spending time with him, and we're having great sex. Based on a couple things he has said and some conversations with mutual friends, I'm pretty sure he's going to pop the what are we/we should be a monogamous couple sort of thing question sooner rather than later.
The only problem, I'm not sure that I'm actually that into him. I like so many different components of him, but I don't get what I call that butterfly feeling when I'm around him. Seeing his name pop up in a text is certainly welcome, but I don't feel girlishly giddy by it. I love spending time with him, but I don't really miss it when we're apart. Friends will ask how it's going with new guy, and my answer is always some combination of greatidon'tknowgreatactuallynonoit'sfine. Not really the response of someone who is seriously crushing or seriously falling for someone.
Is this just a product of getting older? Should I ask for more time before committing to anything to see if I develop more intense feelings? Or is this a sign that I'm really just not that into him and I should break things off before he gets hurt? I don't want to lose a great guy, but there is no point dragging this out if it's never going to work out.
TL;DR: | Just starting to date great guy, but the intense attraction I'm used to in new relationships isn't there. He wants to commit, what should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Parenting
TITLE: Today I became a father for the first time. My newly adopted son is five years old and has ADHD
POST: Reddit, my wife and I signed the papers today to adopt a 5 year old boy from Children's Aid. It's all surreal right now, but it's been a blast so far, but it's like the honeymoon. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop constantly.
It's been a long time coming for us, but we're so happy with him and his personality that he has (very similar to a nephew of ours). He's got a case of ADHD right now (Yes, he's on meds for it) and he's definitely not afraid of any strangers. Taking him walking, he says hi to everyone and even pointed to someone and said out loud "Daddy, he's black." *sigh* Youth...
Trying to get him to concentrate at times is like pulling teeth. I'm not really used to this type of behavior and don't want to get frustrated by it, but sometimes I just want to know what is going on in his mind. He's sort of like the Dug from the movie Up. Always looking at different things, different distractions and it's so difficult to even try and look him in the eye to speak to him. I get down to his level to look at him but he's never looking back at me.
TL;DR: | Adopted a 5 year old boy w/ADHD. Need advice and suggestions to work on his concentration. Please. :) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [16 M] am in love with a girl [15 F] who doesn't believe love exists
POST: Okay so here goes:
I met this girl in school about a month ago through a mutual friend. I liked her instantly because we seemed to have a lot in common. We met once in school where we basically said "Hi" and introduced ourselves.
The next day or so, my mutual friend (let's call her Dana) told me that the girl (let's call her Penny) thought I was cute. That was a pretty big deal for me because I found her cute and nobody generally calls me cute.
I messaged her on Facebook some days later and we started talking. We instantly connected. We talked a lot with each other, constantly flirting, etc.
Soon we got closer and closer. We met in school too but not a lot as our classes were scheduled really differently. But we did have lunch together at times.
Basically we're really close now, so close that I know she basically loves me and I do too. We're basically a couple, we love each other and can't stand being without each other, except we havent actually started dating yet.
The reason for that is that she feels that love is shit and therefore she doesn't believe in relationships. I know with me it's different for her because she has mentioned before how "being with me makes her feel that maybe love just might exist". In fact today she asked me " If I were to fall in love with you, would you fall in love with me too? Because at times I really feel like telling you that I really love you a lot, but then I remember that love doesn't exist". I reassured her that of course I would love her back, because I love her now too and even I feel like expressing my love from time to time. We talked for a while but she concluded with the same old "Love is shit" philosophy.
My point is that I might not even need help with my current situation, as I might be able to convince her that love exists in the long run. However I really wanted to know if there's any way I can convince her earlier.
Point blank, my question is:
Could anyone help me in convincing Penny that love does exist?
TL;DR: | I'm in love with a girl who is essentially in love with me too, except she doesn't believe in the idea of love and is frankly kinda scared of it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (26M) younger sister (24F) of four years hasn't returned my texts since I admitted to dating a younger girl (18F) last year
POST: February 2nd, I was catching up with my little sis by text message. We were making plans to meet that weekend, as we hadn't seen each other in a while.
Toward the end, she mentioned that she'd been dating a guy she met online for six months. This was the first I'd heard of him, and she hadn't had a bf in years, so I was pretty surprised and happy for her. Wanting to relate, I mentioned that I had a romantic (but totally non-sexual) relationship with a then-coworker at my day job.
No reply.
A few weeks have passed. I've sent her a few messages over time, trying to strike the conversation back up, but no reply.
She has a history of closing herself off to everyone except her sister (20F) when she's feeling depressed, so it could just be a coincidence that she's dropped off my radar. But maybe it was something I said? Maybe she thinks I was being a little bit Subway Jared, or even making shit up out of jealousy. I don't know. We used to confide everything in each other. I thought I could share that. We've been drifting apart lately, and I guess her new bf has just replaced me entirely.
It's been weighing on my mind ever since. I was already pretty sad about breaking up with my ex (the age gap was starting to really make me feel creepy, and I couldn't lead her on anymore), so being shut out by my sister is just making it worse. I wish I could just casually clarify to her that I never poked that kid (and I totally could have).
I had a pretty depressing, introspective Valentine's Day.
TL;DR: | Reconnecting with sister; Learn she has a new boyfriend; Mentioned that I dated a younger girl last year; Radio silence. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Anyone out there who is over 16 and still have a bunch of imaginary friends?
POST: So I'm gonna get a lot of WTF's from this. I may get downvoted into oblivion and this is a MAJOR throwaway but I just want to know if someone is like me.
So I am older than 16(female) and I have a bunch of imaginary friends. I know how fucking weird it is. But wait it gets way, WAY weirder(if that's a word).
They are actually people from my school that I pretend live with me. If feel like such a dumb ass for even typing this. I am looking at these words and I am thinking WTF is wrong with me... I talk to them and I say what they are saying back. I don't give them different voices or anything, and I am actually pretty crappy at replicating their personalities.
Irl, I have a group of friends and in this group, I have about 5 really good friends. Two best friends, both girls. Actually, I guess only one true best friend, since the other one appears to be avoided me outside of school. This group of friends has parties often and I am never invited to any of them. They all come to school on Monday and I sit down with them and listen to them talk about this awesome, super fun party they had. Then after the next period, I get to listen to them plan the next party. Right in front of me. And I never get invited. They never even acknowledge that I am there when they are planning. This irritates me, but I wouldn't really want to go anyway since most of them are fucking annoying when drunk(like most people), but it would still be nice to be thought of. I know these people aren't my true friends and I would never trust them with anything.
My imaginary friends aren't the people I hang out with. They are other people in the school that I have had classes with, or that I know from public school. They just live with me at my house and we just chill.
None of my friends, not even my best friends know about this. This is probably the only secret I have and I am trusting it to you reddit. What a horrible decision, but I have to know if there is ANYONE like me.
TL;DR: | I am an over 16 year old girl who pretends some of my school mates live with me. And my friends are inconsiderate assholes. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Other guys keep hitting on my gf. How do I deal with this?
POST: My GF has a very friendly personality and is all smiles to everyone, even ones who annoy her. A lot of guys take that as a come on and will on and hit on her, even when I'm there.
At first, I would kinda politely let them know our relationship, but it's getting to the point that I'm really annoyed because it happens a lot. I've never had this type of issue with previous girlfriends.
And I mean
**Also, I'd like to note that she is not doing this on purpose or seeking attention. we have a great relationship. She tells me a lot of stories about creepy guys trying to hit on her. Whenever we're out and a guy hits on her, she would give me a glance and laugh about it with me afterward. She tells me everything.**
She's from the valley where everyone is like that apparently. We're in nyc and I've told her it's not her fault that she's a friendly person. But it does annoy me why people would just keep hitting on my gf when I'm fucking right there. How should I deal with this issue?
TL;DR: | a lot of guys hit on my gf who is friendly to everyone. she's annoyed too. i'm annoyed. what to do |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: My apartment got burglarized by neighbor's kids. I found evidence all over their backyard. I'm scared that they will harass me endlessly after cops are done with them.
POST: I came back from a week long work seminar to find my apartment burglarized. A bunch of stuff was missing, DSLR, laptop, tablet, gaming systems, shoes, etc (about $3,000 worth total). I have seen kids (12-14 yr olds) hanging around our apartment parking lot, since it's easy to access by jumping a low wall. Our parking lot is not gated.
The night I arrived, I filed a police report, and I had a suspicion that it was the neighbors but I had no proof. The next day walking to my car in the garage I peered over and saw a bunch of the golf clubs they had stolen by the trash cans, and I saw some other things that I identified as mine. I took pictures from my side of the wall, and called the cops. They told me they can't do anything without a warrant. I'm calling detectives tomorrow to get a search warrant and retrieve my belongings. A lot of stuff is already broken, and some stuff even in the trash.
I was planning on living in this apartment because it's cheap and really great inside for my area. But I'm afraid that once I report them, get all my stuff back, they will come and scratch up my car, break my windows, etc and harass me with stuff I can't get proof for. What should I do?
TL;DR: | Kids broke into my apartment. Afraid they will do it again, or vandalize my car or apartment, and in general make it a huge hassle to keep living here. What can I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU By Rushing a Preflight Walk Around
POST: Well this actually happened last summer. I'm a flight student and, at the time, was training for my commercial pilot license. I got onto the ramp and to the airplane a little late and my instructor would be there soon. I did a quick walk-around and hurried back inside the plane to get the current weather information and a clearance. Well my instructor showed up and we started the plane up and went to the runway. I got my takeoff clearance, got on the runway, and accelerated. Now for the fuck up. My preflight was so rushed that I forgot to remove a cover off of the tubular sensor located under the left wing that gives me an airspeed indication (how fast I'm going through the air). Oops! That's really really really important information that I don't have now! Normally, it takes a little time for the gauge to kick in and start reading more than zero. Initially, I thought it was just taking a little longer to kick in, which would have been unusual, but not too bad. Later on the takeoff roll, my 6 a.m. drowsy mind realized why my speed was still showing zero and that I was a dumbass. Too bad I took so long to put it all together because I was running short on available runway and had to decide if I was going to lift off or abort the takeoff. I wasn't 100% certain if I'd stop in time so I lifted off because I knew for sure that we had enough speed. Of course, we couldn't do the training flight without airspeed indication so I had to land and take the plane back to the ramp. I won't be making a mistake like that again. That was embarrassing because normally, I'm very meticulous in the way I do things - especially when it comes to checklists. Also, the consequences of missing an item on a preflight inspection can be a lot worse depending on what was missed. The school charges by the total time the engine is running so because of the amount of time spent on the ground waiting for a takeoff clearance and the added instructor fee, my little lap around the airport flight ended up costing me $250 *cha ching* :(
TL;DR: | I rushed my preflight inspection of the airplane and missed an item check. This resulted in the flight school charging me $250 for training that we didn't even get to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23/M] feel not ready to marry my GF[30/F] of 3 years but I have to if I want to keep her. Long distance, visa, and other issues involved.
POST: Hello Reddit, I am seeking advice (or comfort?) on a matter in which I know only I can decide, but still, I want to hear your thoughts, so please, I kindly ask you to help me.
I have been with my girlfriend (from Vietnam) for the past three years. We used to study in the same country (UK), but I had to go back to my country as I had finished my studies. So we started a LDR.
Core problem:
We used to visit each other quite often but she can no longer do it due to her visa being expired. I now visit her every two month or so but she will have to go back to her country at the end of the year. So, long story short, she suggests I marry her or we will have to break up. While I perfectly understand her position and want to keep the relationship, I just don't feel ready to commit yet.
Here are some more info
- I am her first boyfriend
- She is my second girlfriend, but first "true" girlfriend
- She is very religious and a conservative christian
- We have never lived together (I consider this point important before getting married, but she doesn't as it is not part of her culture)
- As a conservative, no marriage = no sex, of course
- She is worried she might not be able to carry a child if we wait too long as she is 30 years old
- She recently told me she wanted a child, like asap...
Note:
She really respects me and do not want to force me into anything. It is just that she doesn't have much choice. She truly thinks I am the one for her. On my side, I wish we could have spent much more time together for me to decide. Skype is good, but it doesn't make a man marry.
From my point of view, I do love her a lot. However I feel like everything leads to an imminent break up somehow. So I would like to hear your thoughts about it. What would you have done in my position?
TL;DR: | My 30 years old GF's visa is expired and she wants to marry so that we could live together. I am 23 years and do not feel ready to commit yet, knowing that have mostly lived a Long distance relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (24M) girlfriend (26F) keeps asking me to break up with her. What should I do?
POST: So here's the thing. We have been together for 6 years now. About 5 months ago, I moved to a different city when I was offered the job I was looking for. We have been in a long distance relationship since. For almost a year, she's been very frustrated with her career and her life going nowhere. I do give her all the moral support I can but she keeps telling me that I'm not there for her when she needs me. We have very different aspirations. I want to travel the world and experience different cultures and she wants a very specific job with the government which would mean that we'll spend a lot of time apart in the coming years. Lately, she's been very depressed and keeps asking me to break up with her. Everytime I end up convincing her that it's the depression talking. But this just won't stop. I don't even know if she really means it or just does it to get my attention. How should I deal with this situation?
TL;DR: | My girlfriend of 6 years keeps asking me to break up with her and I don't know if she means it. Help! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: GF[24F] descirbed me [23M] as a "cold" person in general. How to improve?
POST: Hello.
So today me and my GF sat around talking about peoples behaviour, how we see people and so on. I asked her how she saw me in general and she told me "You can be a very cold person. You have a attitude that says come to me, but not closer" was her description of me.
She also told me I can be very manipulative, so good at it that it sometimes freaks her out when she notices it.
She also thought I almost totally lacked empathy.
However, we have been togeather for 4 years and she also told me I am the most caring person she knows. That I care more that others feel great than that I feel great. I always help out people in need and I never really ask for anything in return. (She brought up an example of when I got sick. So sick that I needed 911 and I passed out in my own vomit but I didnt call for 911 nor my GF because I didnt want to ruin her first night out for months).
It kinda freaked me out as I don't see myself that way. I see myself as someone who has extremtly hard to express myself and I never express joy or sadness. Like if I get a gift I really like I'm like "Thanks" without any expression. However, I can be happy on the inside.
If someone around me dies, I can be sad but I don't cry or mourne the dead. I'm more like "That sucks. She does not want me to be sad so let's move on, no need to be sad over something I can't change".
So Reddit. How do I know if I am that way she really descripts be? Because it sounds like I'm some kind of heavy narcassist person. Cold, manipulative and lacking emphaty.
How can I improve and learn how to express myself betteR?
TL;DR: | GF describes me as a cold, manipulative empahty lacking person. How can I know if it's true and how can I improve? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: If your boyfriend watches excessive porn, is it cheating? Here is my dilemma..
POST: Lately, for shits an giggles ill scroll through my boyfriends history to see if I can maybe find some research of presents for me or things he may want for Xmas, and almost every friggin time I do it there's a insanely large amount of porn in his history, for hours ! I've never said anything and I always brush it off. But once again today I purposely looked for the porn and it was there and it was the last straw. I left his place immediately and haven't returned his calls or texts. We have SO much sex and he claims to be statisfied, and were together almost everyday. So why the need for excessive porn? I can't help but feel like I'm not good enough and I've been crying over it.
TL;DR: | how do I bring this up to him ? I don't want to break up but I don't think I can deal with this. Am I over reacting? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm moving out with my 21M friend, he's getting the bigger bedroom with the en-suite and I'm getting the smaller double, even though he said he'd let me have it.
POST: When we went to look at this place he initially said that he didn't mind if he had the smaller bedroom as I have the GF and a piano to move in there.
He apparantley got a phone call from the letting agent who told him that he'd be paying more rent - we don't know how much as we haven't signed the contracts yet.
So as a result he's been joking / can't tell laughing that he's getting the bigger bedroom. I tried to talk to him about it like I would be prepared to pay him the extra + more for the bigger bedroom as it kinda means a lot to me having been in a tiny room all my life.
He didn't say much back just jokes, and has now joked about it to his friends finding it funny. It's really starting to piss me off though, and I know that if back out of all of this I'm going to loose a really good friend. :(
TL;DR: | Friend told me I could have bigger bedroom, turns out he's paying more rent so said he's getting it instead, won't talk about it, haven't signed contracts yet. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [17M] am deciding between colleges and wondering how much I should value my year long relationship with my GF [17F]
POST: I [17M] am picking between colleges this week and I'm currently deciding between a private school in SoCal which is ranked extremely highly and my state school which is good as far as public schools go but clearly a tier below the private school.
I have dated my girlfriend [17F] for over a year and we are as close as can be, spending every day with each other and never fighting. I am positive that I could not be happy without her and she could not be happy without seeing me.
I am a really good student and know that I would do well at either of these schools. I have gotten advised by my parents and many adults that my education is more important than my high school relationship which I agree with, but living 1000+ miles away would be incredibly hard on both of us. I've been thinking about it for the last two weeks and know that every night would be a struggle and I don't know if it would be worth it to go so far away.
The state school would be an hour drive and in two years my gf is planning on going there. Can someone give me advice on what I should think about and how to make this decision?
TL;DR: | I have to decided between a good school far away from my girlfriend and a close school which is slightly worse. I need advice on how much to value my strong relationship when making the decision. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [18M] girlfriend [18F] of 7+ months has seemed distant the last few weeks but insists nothing is wrong, advice?
POST: This is really my first actual post since I've been more of a lurker in my short time as a redditor, but I figured I'd give a post a shot (on mobile so I apologize if something is misspelled or something)
My girlfriend and I have been dating for the past 7 months, it is both of our first serious relationships and we've been genuinely happy for most of the time. We've literally never argued, and we've always known what each other expects from one another so we've never really had a reason to argue.
About 3 weeks ago, I could tell something had changed in her. Her texts (we text every day for pretty much the whole day) had gotten shorter and less interested and provoking conversation, and when we'd see each other in person she'd turn her back to me in school and rarely say much. If we were together on a date or at one of our houses she'd stay on her phone most of the time and not really try to talk much.
About 4-5 days after she became like this she apologized and said "she had a lot on her mind" and when I asked for her to talk to me about it or how I can help she continuously said she "needs to figure it out herself".
It's been, like I said, 3 weeks since she's been her normal self and still refuses to talk about it. I'm a strong believer that you don't need to say I love you to prove your love to someone but she hasn't said I love you since that day 3 weeks ago. I have looked at old messages and tried to figure out if there was something I said or did to make her so distant but nothing makes sense.
We are going to a concert this Saturday and if she continues to act this way I'm planning on bringing it up again and not taking "I don't know" as an answer to what's wrong. If you guys have any advice for me that'd be great, thank you Reddit.
TL;DR: | My [18M] girlfriend [18F] of 7 months seems indifferent towards me and has been for the past 3 weeks. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What secret hobbies or interests do you have that you keep from people for fear of being ridiculed?
POST: So two years ago back in my senior year of college I had to take a PE prerequisite in order to fulfill a GE requirement. Sadly, bowling was full and only 'latin dance' was available. I had no choice but to take it.
I loved it! And I even met this gorgeous girl that is still a close friend. However, after I graduated I never danced again. Recently, I was on Hulu and saw "Shall We Dance?" and that movie reignited my passion for Salsa, so I went out and signed up for dance lessons. It's mostly older guys and a few women but I am having such a blast!
The thing is, I would feel so embarrassed if my close friends were to find out. I know my fear is irrational since hot latin chicks love a man that can dance but I can't help but feel conscious about telling my friends or family, and so I keep it a secret.
So what hobbies or interests do you have that you keep to yourself?
TL;DR: | I take salsa lessons. I LOVE IT but I feel I'd be emasculated amongst my friends if they ever found out! |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Need advice on whether or not to get in touch with someone I dated on Tinder last year
POST: I dated a girl on Tinder just before christmas last year and as far as I'm aware it went well, we got on naturally, it wasn't awkward and we both left with the intention to have a second date. However this was just before the Christmas break, both her and myself were going to be busy going home and seeing family/friends so scheduling another date was quite tricky to plan at this time of the year. We both kept in touch using WhatsApp and we messaged each other over christmas a few times just to stay in the loop. But as soon as the new year arrived I might have gotten too carried away at this point and asked her at any window of opportunity for a second date. To the point where she stopped messaging me completely.
Fast forward 8 months later and I still have her on my WhatsApp list, and to be honest I haven't had a decent date since dating her. I really thought we got on well and I really liked her. And apparently the government is going to shut down messaging programs like WhatsApp, iMessage and SnapChat in the next month here in the UK, so I thought I might take the opportunity to message her again one last time; ask how she is and mention if she is interesting in going on a second date if she's up for it.
I'm prepared for the worst case scenario on doing this, but I can't stop thinking about her. I just don't know if it's acceptable to do so.
TL;DR: | Should a message a girl I dated once 8 months ago if I still have strong feelings for her and we had a decent first date which didn't go anywhere? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My boyfriend's [19/M] comments about his own body are making me [18/F] uncomfortable
POST: I don't think I need much background for this, but I'll give a little. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year, we're semi-long distance (I'm away at university and he's at home working full time). We have a healthy sex life and a generally positive relationship.
But one thing is starting to really get to me. My boyfriend and I are both naturally hairy people. While I shave almost everything, he tends to keep his hair mostly natural. He trims his armpit and pubic hair in the summer for practicality reasons but otherwise doesn't do any maintenance or "manscaping".
However, he is very self conscious about his body hair. Particularly the hair in his pubic region and on his bottom. He often makes negative comments about how "disgusting" it is and won't listen to me when I tell him that I think his natural body hair is attractive and I'm totally okay with it.
These comments he's making about himself are staring to get to me. I've always been significantly hairier "down there" than the average woman. Hearing my boyfriend talk about how he thinks his own hair "down there" is so ugly makes me think that he dislikes my hair there too. I usually shave everything because I'm worried about how it will look otherwise, but I really don't want to. It's so bad that I get upset to the point of crying if he sees me and I haven't shaved in a few days.
He always tells me that he doesn't mind if I'm not totally shaved, and that it's never gotten to a point where he'd be bothered by it. But it makes me very self conscious that there would be a point like that for him at all, especially since I love and accept his body exactly how it is. It makes me feel really ugly and undesirable, especially because I fear that he'll think the same things about me that he does about himself if I don't shave my body hair.
I don't know what to do about this. I'm sorry if this is a little unclear but I guess I just want to know what I can do about this situation, if there even is anything to do about it at all.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend's comments about how he thinks his own body hair is disgusting make me feel incredibly self conscious about my own body hair and what I do about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [22M] Concerned with with My GF's [21F] Weight. Worried About Loss of Attraction. Long Term Relationship
POST: Hi guys,
This is my first post, on my throwawayish account cause sensitive subject... (don't judge too hard on my username!)
So essentially I'm worried that I'm losing attraction to my gf because she's gained some weight over the last year and a half. And I brought it up a year ago, and it wasn't addressed. Additionally, I'm a skinny guy and 6 ft.
As a background, we've been going out for 3 years and I love her to death! When I met her I was instantly attracted to her personality, sense of humor and the fact that she could hold an intelligent convo. She also had a very good figure.
Almost 3 years in, we're still going strong, but I am concerned with her appearance. She has gained a bit of weight and is a little overweight. This has happened over the last year and 1/2. I gingerly brought it up to her last year and she just broke down, got mad at me and said she'd work on it. So I felt like shit, and kinda let it go. But now after that time, she put on even more weight. Also, I've noticed she doesn't exercise that much and eats a lot of sweets...
But now I don't know what to do. I feel like a dick because I don't want to end the relationship down the road if I lose more attraction to her, that's kinda shitty. This has affected my self esteem a little cause I feel like I'm a bad person and stuff. How should I bring this up? And I know attraction isn't everything, but at the same time, I'm in the prime of my life and want to be with someone with a good figure before I have to settle down and grow old. Additionally, I probably wouldn't get engaged or something down the road if she were overweight.
What should I do?
TL;DR: | Worried losing attraction to gf cause weight gain, don't want to end relationship down the road if future trends continue. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29 F] with my boyfriend [31 M] of 3 months, just had our first fight and not sure if I should go back
POST: So about 2 weeks ago I lost my job and I am living with my sister. I have not been able to find a job in the city where she lives so I decided to go back with my parents who live in another city. That's the background.
I told my boyfriend after I lost my job that I would go back to my parents if I couldn't find a job cause she doesn't have a lot of extra money to support me. He said no worried we will work it out.
So 3 days ago I still have no job and tell him I am going to be with my parents. He said no problem and gave me a small gift. And that was it.....
I get my parents that night and call him and we talk like nothing is wrong but then I say, you didn't want me to stay? He flips out and says I don't have eto deal with your shut my ex used to say the same things I am not a mind reader how was i supposed to know you wanted to stay.
I hang up and just cry. I didn't speak to him the whole next day and then yesterday he drove up to see me and I talked with him for a little while and it was all OK but then he asked me to come back. I told him I couldn't live with my sister and said come live with me.....
He left without me giving an answer. And now today he has been very sweet and kind but I am terrified I will trigger something else... I really like him and don't want to hurt him but I am just to scared to live with him but don't want to break up.
I guess I just want to know what someone else has done in my similar situation. Cause I want to go but am afraid of it ending in something awful.
TL;DR: | boyfriend was sweet but yelled/cursed at me. Should I go back, he is begging me and I still like him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29 F] with my Husband [32 M] together for 14 years, married 8, recently discovered he has a porn addiction that is threatening our family.
POST: I always knew he was looking at porn but never wanted to be "that girl", until I found evidence that he's been soliciting sex acts online. He promises he's never followed through with these actions but at this point who knows. I have evidence that this has been going on for at least a year and a half so anything could have happened. He admits that the porn problem has been ongoing since he first discovered porn but has escalated in the past three years (since we gave up partying to have children). He's now masturbating upwards of 6 times a day, our sex life and other aspects of our marriage have totally fallen apart.
I am actually willing to support him in this addiction, to participate in some sort of 12 step program with the coinciding support group. (something like AA and Alanon) However, in the area I live in I can not find easily accessible support groups for family members of this particular addict. Let alone a secular group, we're atheists and some of the ultra christian anti porn groups are not going to work for me. We're both frequenting /r/nofap and /r/pornfree for advice but there doesn't seem to be any help for spouses.
I feel like I'm going insane, I have all of these conflicting emotions. I don't know what sort of boundaries are healthy to set in order to get him back in the house and eventually our bed. For some ridiculous reason all I can think about is sex and when will we be able to have it again? Does anybody have any advice? Success stories? Online support groups or forums?
Any questions please feel free to ask.
TL;DR: | Discovered husband's porn addiction is threatening the monogamy of our marriage. I need help coping with my feelings as his spouse, while he seeks treatment of his own. |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Should I send a follow up / Thank You Email to my phone interviewer? If so, what are some things I should say?
POST: Yesterday I had my phone interview for an IT position in a non-profit. I made the cut of 8 out of 125 possible applicants. According to the interviewer I seemed like the best candidate for the position judging from my resume.
Now I was the first one to reply to his email yesterday within 3 mins. (I get emails to my phone) He noticed that. I was also immediately available for phone interview. So we seemed to hit it off. He didn't ask as many technical questions as I thought he should have. When it came time for me to tell him why I was the best candidate for the job. I feel like I kinda stumbled on that question which should have been one of the easier ones. I also had no questions for him about the position. Normally I'm a firm believer of asking the employer questions. But again, I stumble on that one. So I'm wondering now should I send an email? I would like to make a significant impression. If so, how would you go about it?
TL;DR: | I had a phone interview yesterday. It could have went better. Should I send a follow up / thank you email? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: HUGE NSV, but epic fail for weight goal and starting MyFitnessPal, help?
POST: So today I ran my first half marathon! I finished at 2:39:10 and could not be more happy. I even signed up for my next one and hope to get my time down to 2:35:) (I have exactly 3 months til race day!)
On to the loseit relevancy though. I started losing weight last May 1st and I started at 168lbs. I'm a 5'4"/21 female for reference. By mid-June I was 150, but then I plateued all summer. Honestly I just maintained after going through a lot of other changes it was hard to focus on weightloss.
After school started I tried to get back into it and that's when I signed up for the race I did today. I realized quickly though that I couldn't do it on my own so I signed up for a personal trainer at 24 hour fitness and had my first session on Halloween.
My trainer is absolutely amazing. He has completely changed my life (basically saved it) and now I work out daily and log my calories religiously. However, I have no idea what happened but I didn't lose ANYTHING this month. I went back and forth between 138-137 a couple times but that's definitely not where I wanted to be.
Due to financial reasons I can no longer afford my trainer. This Tuesday is my last session and since last week he has been preparing me for being on my own.
He told me that I should start a myfitnesspal account (I did, it's msbagginses) but I'm nervous. I have a hard time planning out my food with just focusing on calories as it is. I feel like trying to manage carbs/protein/fat on top of that is setting me up for failure. My free time is quickly diminishing as the quarter gets on and I'm preparing for graduation in June.
Does anyone have tips/tricks to help me understand MyFitnessPal? Also, I can't cook. Like at all. I'm trying to learn but recipes just freak me out and I end up screwing something/everything up.
TL;DR: | Lost 30lbs, plateaued all month, new-ish runner, need MyFitnessPal help. I feel like a lost cause and I'm way too scared to not have my trainer anymore:( |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (32/m) am getting fed up with my long time friend (34/m) Due to his women hating!
POST: I have been friend with this guy for a long time. Last few years, he had been nothing but very hateful toward women. He would occasionally bring it up but, he usually shut up after he saw that no one wants to listen to him whining about women.
He always talks about how women have impossibly high standard and all that crap. Yet he broke pretty much every dating rules in the book! Such as he'd wait way too long to show ant interest in girls that by the time he makes a move, the girl had already lost interest in him for quite a while.
Also, his favorite subjects are bathroom humor and farting. This nearly cost him many friendships include mine because no one wants to hear him talk about those subject. Unfortunately, he will bring it up to any new person he met almost instantly. So no wonder he is driving women away.
Even if he can keep those subjects to himself, all he did is talk and talk and talk about himself! You could literally be bawling your eyes out because your whole family died in a fire and he'd be like "oh what is wrong?... I see... Oh! Just so you know today I..."
After a long period of not talking to him, I talked to him today. It was awful! As soon as I bring any subject up, he would take every chance at twisting it into women hating subject!
I'm on verge of telling him I am done with being his friend and sick of hear him talk bad about women 24/7!
Is there a way to fix this?
TL;DR: | My long time friend had become a women hater and now want to talk about nothing but putting women down. I'm tired of this! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [24M] found out recently that this girl [26F] has deep issues with trusting guys. Not sure how to proceed.
POST: I met this girl a little over a month ago through a friend. She was at a party at my place (Miami), we ended up sleeping together after coming home from the bars. She was quiet and shy, which initially was a turn-off, but the more time we spent together, the more she opened up, and the more endearing I found her shyness. We continued to hook up (sober) and went on dates and whatnot. Fast-forward to now: I will be in England until the end of Feb. for a work assignment. On my last night with her (Friday), she was very different and withdrawn. When I pressed her about it, she said that all of her relationships have been shit. I'm "the only guy she's been with who's treated her like a person." She has a general distrust of guys. I have completely fallen for this girl. After that talk, I feel like dating her is going to be bad news, but I'm not really sure where to go from here.
TL;DR: | I completely fell for girl who has trust issues with guys. I want to date her, but I feel like this might be a huge mistake. Advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [30M] with my lady [35F] 4yrs and my mother (60) childcare arguments and guilt.
POST: My little girl is 21 months old. She's our whole world. We both work full time and also do a lot of work at home. My mother looks after my girl one day a week. Occasionally (like once/month) mistakes are made. Minor ones like not making her nap for long enough or letting her eat something with sugar. One time she had her nappy on backwards. Not so mibor but not the end of the world for a toddler.
We both agreed when she was born that we'd make a superhuman effort with our princess including diet. I pick my girl up from my mothers after work and get the report for the day on eating etc... I then pass this info to my partner. When my mother makes tge slightest mistake my partners reacts by hitting the roof and makes my mother out to be a danger to our daughters health.
Ive just had to talk to my mother about the issues who was gracious but hurt about the situation. Then to top it off, whole i tried to keep the tears in my partner did something else to light my fuse so i just left for the night and im simmering down over a beer (i hardly ever go out these days).
This is the first time i've had to resort to leaving the house in response to my own emotional state.
Dont know what to do. Generally my partner loses her shit over (what most sane folks might agree to be) trivial sillyness, but i respect her right to be fussy
It's even charming... until she attacks family. Then i'm in a position where I have to side with someone.
And yes, my daughters position in all of this is central. I do not want my daughter to miss out on her relationship with her granny.
TL;DR: | Grandmothers care for my daughter isnt good enough by my partners standards causing a divide. And i have to handle it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] of 3 months, I'm having issues with her past relationships.
POST: Hey there. My current girlfriend just referred her ex to me for a website, and I'm willing to do it. However, her and I spoke of her past in great depth where she went through a "naughty" year or so. Slept around, partied, drugs, etc; and I've gotten over that, or so I had thought.
She let me know within the first 30 seconds of our phone call, that her and this guy had a month long or so relationship. This was after her party days, about 8 months ago (the partying was about 2 years ago.)
She assured me when we first started dating that she didn't sleep with anyone too quickly, that I was "an exception", and that she always took her time getting to know someone before engaging in intimate activities. However, she told me that she slept with this guy - and for some reason this bugs me. Not the sex, but the fact that if I was "an exception" why does it seem that I'm really not. How do I get over this immaturity on my end?
TL;DR: | Current girlfriend referred an ex of hers to me for freelance work. She said that never slept with anyone quickly, but she told me she slept with him and they only dated for a month. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Help me sort this out please! [16F] and [16M]
POST: I'm a 16 year old girl, who's been hanging out with this awesome guy since January. We get along great and share a lot of common interests. We hang out every so often at school, and at least once a week outside of school since we've been talking, we also text ~5 days out of the week. However, I'm unsure of where our relationship/friendship stands.
When we see each other, we tend to talk for hours about pretty much anything and everything, and we have a great time. Smiles and laughter are very common. Both of our groups of friends are convinced that there's something going on, and I think he likes me, I certainly like him. About a month after we started talking, we were walking around the city on a weekend and he says "I don't have time for a relationship." almost completely out of the blue. (He is really busy, with a lot of extracurriculars and AP courses) I had already asked him if he wanted to go on a date, and he accepted, but hey, no big deal, I just like talking to the guy.
However, we still hang out just as often as before and nothing has changed, leaving me confused about what's going on in this situation. He walks me home whenever we go anywhere at night, took me to a quinceñera because his parents wanted to meet me, and kisses me on the cheek and hugs me when he says goodbye. He also got me a rare comic book about my favorite super hero for my birthday! (Probably insignificant, but it made my month!) I could be reading too much into this, but I still feel that he likes me. Should I bring the topic up again and try to find out if a relationship could work, or let sleeping dogs lie and continue to hang out in psuedo-relationship limbo?
TL;DR: | Great friends with this guy who seems to like me but has no time for a relationship and is sending me mixed signals. Should I bring up the topic of a relationship or let it go and move on? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My summer full-time job STILL hasn't paid me. What do I do, now it's getting stupid.
POST: Hey guys!
To cut a long story short, I'm in a mess here. I'm 15, UK, and I had a full-time job in the summer. I wasn't doing mindless paperwork, I was working on websites for their clients, as well as the companies website itself.
However, the company itself still has not paid me for my work. They owe me £100. It may not seem much, but it will be the first time I have properly earned over £40 from working.
How can I get them to pay me? They denied that I had to sign things when I ask, such as insurance information, and I have no record of working there, sadly, so I doubt there will be any logical way out of this. I have got no reply from emails, nor have my parents.
Also, I was working from 8:45-5:30, £2.50 an hour, working on their clients websites, which they literally pounded work on me with. My parents enquired about increasing the wage, but they could have just said "fuck you". What would you have seen as a decent wage for what I was doing?
TL;DR: | I got screwed over by my summer work placement, and I'm out £100 with little-to-no documents/proof of working there. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by seeing Book of Mormon
POST: So last weekend I saw Book of Mormon. And all week I've had the songs stuck in my head non stop. They're all so damn catchy.
In an ironic twist of TIFU fate, For the last few hours I've been making obnoxious "hasa diga eebowai" comments in various TIFU posts. For example "When you give your sister herpes, hasa diga eebowai", ... but substituting giving your sister herpes for whatever the TIFU was...you get the idea. Then I'd sing my comment in my head since the song is stuck there (if you listen to it you'll understand how catchy it is). Well, doing this gave me the urge to actually listen to it, so I found it on Youtube. I had headphones in, and started humming it to myself. Well I was getting pretty into it... and when I got to the "I have maggots in my scrotum" line... without thinking I dramatically sung out loud "I HAVE MAGGOTS IN MY SCROOOTttUUUMMMMM"
Well, of course, my boss was walking behind my cubicle just as this happened. He heard me. Stopped dead in his tracks. Stared me down for a good 10 seconds. And then said "what the fuck is your problem?". I tried to explain it was from a song...don't think he believed me.
TL;DR: | Saw Book of Mormon ... told boss I have maggots in my scrotum. Hasa diga eebowai :/ |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23/F] with [24 M] dating for about a week intensely and exclusively, now it seems he's suddenly backing off???
POST: I rarely post but here goes:
Long story short I've been in a very low place in my life and decided along with therapy and medication to make some positive changes in my life, especially expanding my social horizons.
I downloaded Tinder because, despite the reputation, I've actually met some pretty decent (and platonic) people on there. Last Monday I met this guy who was SUPER in to me. We had so many similar interests, etc. etc. and it turns out he lives 10 mins away.
So we meet, have a great time, and click like no other. Everything he's into, I'm into and it's awesome. Asks me to be his Valentine, introduces me to his friends, takes me out, I talked to his mom over the phone so I could "meet" her too, etc. He's talking about the future already, but NOT in a creepy/super attached way, just thinking out loud and mentioning that future involving me if things continue to go well.
We literally spent five days straight together (with the exception of work) and decided to take some time to ourselves this week.
I've noticed far less communication/cutesy texts since Monday, which would have been our first day apart, and my self doubt is getting the best of me telling me he's lost interest and I'm a bore and all I can offer has been exhausted in five fucking days...
I can feel I'm about to become a mess and I just can't understand it if that is the case. I KNOW I'm jumping to conclusions but something tells me I'm right. And I KNOW it's only been literally two days that we've been apart but I'm known to overanalyze.
PLEASE-any of your advice is welcome. Good, bad, overly harsh, whatever. I am just feeling so ridiculous and naive and unsure right now and he is the best guy I've ever met.
****We are both dating exclusively at this point as we discussed from day one.
TL;DR: | Meet incredible, respectful guy, spend tons of time with him and have a blast, then it seems like he's backing off. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: My aunt is in a bad marriage and doesn't know what to do.
POST: My aunt just moved to the US from South America and married a US citizen (also latino). They have been married since March of this year. Her now-husband had promised her the moon and the stars back when they were dating while she was still living in South America. Now that they are married, it turns out her husband is nowhere near as good a person as he led her to believe. I've met the husband a couple times and he is actually very manipulative (ie: hid her US immigration documents for a couple weeks, doesn't let her see her sister who is lives nearby, and overall basically hamstrings her from becoming self-sufficient here in America), verbally abusive, and drives drunk with her in the car. She was led to believe that if she got married to him, she would be able to have a better life here in the US. Whenever they get into an argument, he threatens to divorce her so that she doesn't get her documents and will be forced to move back to South America. I am afraid for her life since her husband tends to get drunk and get behind the wheel very often, she has confronted him about that, but he has not changed his ways. I don't know what she can do to get out of the situation and stay in the US. She recently received her work permit, which will expire in a year and residency documents are still being processed. She is currently taking English lessons so she is able to converse in English, but with some difficulty. I'm pretty sure she would be much more fluent in English now if it weren't for the fact that her husband is basically preventing her from going out and immersing herself and learning the language. I've given her advice to actually keep a log of all the threats and abuse she's received from the husband and she is currently doing that. Do you have any advice I can pass along to her? I think she should go back to South America, but I think she at least deserves an opportunity at a better life here.
TL;DR: | Aunt married an asshole that threatens to divorce her "to keep her in line" or else she will have to go back to South America and she feels she doesn't have many options. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23 M] with my Ex/Bestfriend[22/F] 8 Months, Broke up but kinda don't know whats happening
POST: So, me and my girlfriend/bestfriend talked for like a year before we started dating and it started in October and ended at the end of November and its a long distance relationship and we officially met in October and made it official, so things were great and then one day like a switch just flipped and she despised everything I did, and everything I did just irritated her or at least she seemed like.
Side note, shes dealt/deals with depression on and off and she had told me that the holidays kind of always set it off.
So December comes around and she breaks up with me, and she said she doesn't wanna end the friendship and she doesn't want to be sad with someone and wants to be sad alone, so we continued talking for a bit, and honestly I felt so neglected and it being a long distance relationship texting and all that stuff was really all we had, so that drastically stopped, and she just seemed uninterested but still kept saying that she really wanted this to work and sometimes let me know that. I may of ended it on and off a couple times (the friendship part) because I was struggling with it, because I felt like she just didn't like me anymore, or didn't wanna talk to me or any amount of things. So this week I decided to officially stop talking to her and today she messaged me hearing I had an accomplishment (promotion) so we ended up talking today again and we came to the conclusion that it was a miscommunication on both parts.
Now I'm wondering if shes just depressed and will ever be open to the idea of dating me again or if that could of just been an excuse? Because she initiated dating and said she was happy as ever when we first started dating and even before that, so I'm wondering if the depression could of really made that big of a difference.
TL;DR: | Talked for a year, dated for a month, got depressed for the holidays and we broke up, continued friendship and I'm wondering if theres a chance we'll get back together? (Long distance) |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Got hit on a parking lot, when the other driver was backing out. Old car, not big damage. Worth filing insurance claim?
POST: I have been hit on the parking lot by a driver who was backing out. I took photos, and insurance information of other driver, but didn't call police. I also do not have any witnesses. Only photos.
I wanted to give the other driver a chance to pay me $300 and I wouldn't file claim, just let him go. He refused, and now he would not even pick up a phone or reply in any other way.
Body shop estimated repairs at $1500. I understand that insurance is also on the hook for resale value and rental, which could easily add another thousand.
My question here is: in a long run, is it worth claiming with insurance? My car is a 2000 Corolla, and I really don't care that much about the dent, it would be nice to fix it, but oh well, it's an old car. I understand there will be an accident record, and probably increased premiums due to that record. I am worried that I would end up paying more in a long run than get in compensation. Are there other repercussions?
TL;DR: | Got hit by backing up driver. Debating if it is worth filing insurance claim, or just suck it up and let go. |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: How do I assure my pregnant wife that she's still sexually appealing?
POST: I'm 32 and my wife is 27. This is her first pregnancy. She is about 16 weeks pregnant right now and showing. She's not huge, but there's no hiding that she's pregnant anymore.
She also has stretch marks, which don't bother me at all, but about which she is very self-conscious.
Our sex life slowed a little lately, but that was because the first trimester was **very** difficult for her, and not because of a lack of interest on my part. It's gotten mostly back to our usual activity within the past week.
She tells me that she doesn't think I could possibly find her sexy anymore, but I **really** do.
She asked me what I could possibly find sexy about her body, and I told her specifically what I find sexy about her. But basically, she thinks I'm just saying nice things to make her feel better. But I really do find her sexy, and she just doesn't believe me.
How can I show her that I'm telling the truth?
TL;DR: | I think my wife is sexy, but at this stage of her pregnancy, she doesn't feel it. How can I assure her that I really do find her sexy? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [17 M] don't consider my friend [17 M] too close to me anymore and with college coming up, am feeling pressure choosing roommates.
POST: Me and my friend (let's call him Joseph) are both from the same high school, going to the same college. We've known each other for 8 years and are decently close, but I'd rather room with some friends that I am very close to (let's call them Robert and Richard) but have known for only 6 and 4 years respectively.
I feel like shit for leaving Joseph on his own, even though we all go to the same high school and are part of the same group. It's perfectly possible for all four of us to room together - however, Robert and Richard feel the same way as I do about Joseph- we're just not very close to him at all. I feel this sort of obligation towards Joseph, having known him for so long and being on good terms with him. We've both struggled with loneliness and finding it hard to make friends, which makes me feel like a special kind of dick for leaving him behind when he considers me one of his closest friends, and I sincerely worry for him. What can I do to maintain a friendship with everybody involved? And I get sometimes that friendships just end, and if that's true, how do I go about breaking the news to him?
TL;DR: | Going to college, I have two very good friends, one not-so-close friend that I feel an obligation towards, and the two good friends don't want to room with the not-so-close friend. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: It's been a year and I [18M] am still in love with a girl. I could use some advices.
POST: It's been a year now that I abruptly ended a relationship with my friend [18F], who I have been talking to for three years. I felt really close to her, she did too, but didn't see me as her boyfriend. I wanted to be that person to her, she knew it, but we both kept things still.
I tried clearing things up a few times, stopped talking to her for a few weeks but eventually came back to her. She did the same, we needed each other.
Last year, I figured this relationship was too "toxic". It distracted me, gave me false hopes, and didn't lead to anything. It was the right decision, for me, to stop talking to her. She always felt like she didn't care about anything. If I stopped talking to her, then fine, she would move on.
However, we went to the same school during last year (until a couple of months ago). I kept seeing her around, and it kinda made me suffer. I couldn't be part of her life anymore.
The reason I'm asking for your help, is because I always resisted the need of coming back to her until now. I feel like I need someone close to me. I have nobody.
I'm sure she's very upset with me but the look in her eyes makes me think I still have a chance. Maybe that's just me over thinking. Maybe I'm trying to convince myself. The truth is, I never had someone so close to me my whole life and I'd like to get her back.
TL;DR: | Went away from a very important girl a year ago, I'd love to talk to her again. Not sure how. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] with my [19F]... complicated.
POST: Using a throwaway cause she uses reddit I think.
I knew this girl for 4-5 years, and we always got on. Early in our friendship we developed feelings and this eventually lead to 'love' (was it love or not you ask... I'm too young to tell).
However, we never entered a relationship because she was tied up with another guy and didn't want to end it. Naively, I just accepted this.
Her and this guy ended, and we got on fine once more, still meeting up but the furthest we ever went together sexually, was a mere kiss. Nothing more, nothing less. I had sex on the outside with other girls, just because if she can be with that guy, then I can be with girls surely. Right? You might be wondering why we never progressed further into a relationship - she 1) didn't want a boyfriend (which was true, her and this other guy were also never in a relationship strangely 2) didn't want to hurt either me or this other guy.
Then late last year, October perhaps, she dropped a bombshell that she now has a boyfriend...some random dude.. That hurt me more than it ever did with that other guy, and so I said fuck this, I'm done, and that was that.
Side note, since then I tried it on with her friend (not deliberately, I didn't target her because she was her friend, it just happened) but that ended over summer.
I've bumped into her a few times since then, and she's single once more. I've always wondered, 'what if?' and how things would've been if we did get into a relationship. Is it worth pursuing again? At least to be her friend and take it from there? Anyone got any thoughts on this, it's all I'm wondering tbh.
TL;DR: | Mutual love with a girl, never entered a relationship due to lack of commitment. Willing to try it with her again...thoughts? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My buddy is a cheap ass. Reddit, what should I get him for his wedding?
POST: So I'm a groomsmen in my buddy's wedding. We were really good friends in high school, but haven't seen each other much in the past 6 years.
Each groomsman had to pay for their own dress clothes (expected, so not a problem).
The ceremony and reception are both on his parents' property, so there's no cost there.
The meal is all cooked by family, so there's no catering costs either.
There is no bar at the wedding. Its a BYOB affair (with 170 people invited, so I can see this all being a big mess).
We had the rehearsal last night, and the gifts he gave to the groomsmen were: a small bag of homemade party mix, two suckers, a travel bottle of hand sanitizer, and a water bottle that I figure came from the dollar store.
The guy has a really good job he's been at for 5 years, owns 3 vehicles, and is building a house. They're also going to California for 3 weeks for their honeymoon (we live in Atlantic Canada).
The whole process for this wedding has been a disorganized mess, and the gift last night felt like a slap in the face. I personally would rather get nothing at all from them instead of a $6 grab-bag of stuff that had absolutely zero thought put into it.
I know it's their big day, but I feel that they completely overlooked the people who are helping them set things up, and will be up there behind them for support when they actually tie the knot.
Given all of this, what should I get this couple for their wedding? Should I be the bigger man and get him something nice? Do I get him something equally thoughtless? Do I get him nothing at all?
TL;DR: | My friend gave me a bag of snacks for being a groomsman in his wedding. What should I get him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: 80/20 Careers Pareto Principle.
POST: Hey guys,
Didn't really know where to post it. So I thought here might be good?
So I'm a huge fan of Tim Ferriss, love him or hate him, I followed his Slow Carb Diet, lost a ton of weight, put it all back on again (because I wanted to) and I'm back on it.
Anyways, he opened my eyes to the 80/20 Pareto principle. What 20% of effort receives 80% of the results. I've applied this approach to working out, my diet and now I want to see if I can apply it to my work life.
I know Ferriss has the 4 Hour Work Week which talks about lifestyle design and being able to work whilst enjoying your life. But, that's more for a professional environment. I work as a waiter in a restaurant! Typical film school graduate! So at the moment, I put in 80% of effort only to receive 20% income (minimum wage). I work hard and get little.
Obviously, I'm grateful I even have a job! The economy isn't great right now in the UK, jobs are hard to find. And I'm blessed with food on my table, a bed to sleep in at night, friends and family to hang out with. But I just want to sort out or "hack" my work life.
So I was wondering what jobs or careers are out there (worldwide) where you put in 20% of the effort to receive 80% income.
The one that comes to mind for me is blogging / vlogging. Minimum effort required, staying at home typing up a blog post about your daily adventures for example. Or filming a typical day in your life (vlogging).
Anyone else have any ideas of jobs or careers that work around the 80/20 principle.
Thanks!
TL;DR: | What jobs or careers are out that that can be applied to the 80/20 Pareto principle. 20% of work producing 80% of income. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, 30 years from now what do you think will be the equivalent to a "classic rock radio station"?
POST: This is a very ambiguous question but was just wondering the other day what kind of music will have taken the place of classic rock today when I'm 50 (so in 30 years), and what the equivalent to a classic rock radio station will be.
Just to be clear I don't mean what "rock music" will evolve into. I mean how classic rock was the music (of many) of our parents' youth and something is going to end up replacing it, what will it be? Could it be rap? Electronic music? And will radio stations be completely phased out? Do you think we will still be using online streaming (and if so will it be recognizable at all)?
TL;DR: | When I'm an old fart, what music is going to define my generation and how am I going to listen to it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Can I be like the US and borrow my way to a lavish lifestyle?
POST: Recently, I have found out about my parents credit card debt. They've been accruing high interest on them for many years... They had varying cards, multiple interest rates, just a mess to keep track of it all. I decided to consolidate it all under my name through low interest loans. Since then, I have transferred my debt from one bank to another about three times now while making payments on the principle whenever I can, all the while living modestly. What would happen if I borrow big, only pay towards interest, and keep borrowing? And I don't mean investing with that money either. I mean just to spend on whatever whim breezes by. At least until the inevitable US default. I'm so ashamed of my living conditions that only my closest friends have been over.
TL;DR: | I have mountains of debt and live poorly. What are the **potential consequences** of amassing even more debt to live lavishly only paying towards interest to keep my account in good standing? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What's the most immature way you've been dumped?
POST: Since our relationship was long distance (temporarily 1,200 miles apart), my now ex-boyfriend's friend had been sending me "proof" via messenger that my bf was cheating on me for about a month. I kept giving my bf the benefit of the doubt because his friend was just telling me what he saw and I had not actually seen anything happen. After awhile I started piecing things together. About the time my bf met this girl, I hadn't been hearing from him for days at a time. This was the first time since we started dating that I had gone a day without a single text. His explanation was that he had been deathly ill with a sinus infection for a week and then work was so stressful that he didn't feel like talking to anyone. Ok, then...Fast forward a few weeks, this new girl started tagging him in places on Facebook. This was odd to me because he said that they were not close friends, just work acquaintances. Alright. No big deal. He can go out and be friends with other girls. Hmm...the tags quickly disappeared from his profile. Weird. One night after feeling pretty awesome about myself for running a marathon with no training, I got on Facebook to see what was going on and got a huge slap in the face. This girl posted pictures of my bf and her together with him tagged. At this point, he could no longer deny what was going on between them. When I told him that I saw the pictures, he denied it, said he never lied to me, and then blocked me on Facebook because he couldn't handle the stress and drama...
TL;DR: | ex-boyfriend is a cheating doucherocket who blocked me on FB because he can't handle the drama he causes. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23M] been with my [25F] girlfriend for 7 years, but I can't handle it anymore in a sense.
POST: For starters I'm only holding on because we have kids, growing up in a single parent home I hated it. We've fallen apart over the past year, she's throwing around marriage idea and I'm far from that.
I'm no longer sexuallly attracted to her, we've tried different things in the bedroom, even a inviting another women which was what I thought to be an ultimate fantasy, but her being there is couldn't stay turned on.
Tried date nights, telling her how I feel, gotten nowhere. In my head I believe it's time to end it, but she's so clingy I have no idea how to do it without it ending badly for the kids sake. A year ago I couldn't imagine living without her, past 8 months I've been dying inside to live without her.
TL;DR: | Doesn't want to end longterm relationship because ofor kids, doesn't see any easy way to end it where she doesn't go crazy. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU By dropping 3 hours of labor on the floor
POST: (Sorry for shitty formatting, I'm on mobile)
(Also, this is the first TIFU I've posted)
So this happened about 15 minutes ago.
I'm a high school senior and for my senior project I decided to intern at the analytical lab at the nearby University. Since I'm new, they have me doing simple shit like inputting data in Excel and labelling boxes and whatnot. Today was my second day and they had me grinding up sand in a mortar and pestle. Pretty simple right? However, this isn't your average sand. This is sand with small rocks and shells in it, and it had to be ground into dust. Between me and this other guy we ground probably close to 40 grams of this stuff, but it took almost 3 hours. My hand was cramping and it fucking sucked. I spent almost my entire shift grinding this goddamn sand. So once I finished i was assigned to finally do some actual lab work! It was pretty simple: label the centrifuge vial, weigh the vial, weigh the dust, record it, clean your tools, start over. I only had to to do like 10 of these, and it was during the last 15 minutes the lab was open. So I get to like 5th vial, I go to scoop the dust, and wouldn't ya fucking guess it I drop it. No not just one, but all of them.
There's no saving it, it's scattered everywhere. All the dust samples were in weigh trays that were inside one of those tin foil containers you see at potlucks. And my stupid ass knocked over the tin container. At this point I'm apologizing profusely, informing them that I am, indeed, fucking stupid. The other lab students tell me to go wash off (I got dust all over my arm and leg) and they cleaned it up for me. They assured me that they have extras. However, I feel really awful for the guy who was working with me, grinding the samples. I don't think he knows it all went to shit.
TL;DR: | dropped samples me and another guy spent 3 hours grinding, only to drop them all on the floor. Tomorrow I have to start over. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [28M] How do I care about dating again?
POST: With the rise in casual sex (facilitated by Tinder, the change in our culture, etc.), I just can't get worked up about dating anymore.
I still respect women and want to make sure their emotional needs are respected, but dating no longer is an existential drive for me. But for the women I meet, it seems very much to be. No matter what they say, they mostly seem to dream about marriage/kids/house/etc. with someone (even if it's not me).
I'm not depressed or anything -- my career is starting to take off, and I find that incredibly exciting. I still love my family and friends, and want to spend time with them. I'm active, I like to keep up with culture and current events, etc.
But dating is no longer mystical. Maybe if I met a woman I really clicked with it would be awesome, but dating and the compromise that entails with a total stranger has lost its luster. I've been single for about 1.5 years, and while I'm lonely at times, I'm mostly fine with it.
Is this a normal progression of feelings in an adult man?
TL;DR: | Dating, while fun, no longer "drives" my life. The availability of casual sex I suspect has dampened the mystique of women. What should I do -- pretend to care about dating? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19 M] with my friend [19 F] thinking of asking her out, but unsure if she's interested
POST: So I met this girl 3 weeks ago at the start of uni at a lecture. We got on well, I got her number, and I've texted her most days to meet up to walk to lectures together. We've done this most times, but it's always been me that's initiated the texting. Not just texts for meeting up, but general conversation texts too.
About a week ago I texted her (as she was home) if she'd like to hang out outside of lectures some time for lunch. She replied saying she had anxiety issues with eating so lunch wouldn't be a great idea. I then proposed just a coffee, and she replied she didn't like coffee but loved hot chocolate. So we agreed to meet for hot chocolate some time in the future. This still hasn't happened.
I've asked her twice about this hot chocolate and both times have been bad times for her. My friend looked at my texts so I could see what her impression of her was, and she felt she was being quite self-centred, especially as I was the one making the conversation go forward.
She also seems to have a few guy friends, and one in particular I think she may have an interest for, or they may be friends I'm not sure. However whenever they talk she seems pretty involved.
But then there are signs that she may like me, such as having a good time with me, and wanting to sit next to me even though she's with her group of friends (but then again that may be a polite thing as I didn't really know her friends so she probably didn't want to leave me on my own).
It's been driving me up the wall not knowing if she's interested, and my current plan is to hopefully see her tomorrow, ask her in person when's a good time to have a hot chocolate, and then ask her out at the end of the hot chocolate session.
Am I overthinking this? Do you think she's interested, or just being friendly? Should I go for it?
TL;DR: | Thinking of asking out my friend of 3 weeks who I'm unsure if she's interested in me or not. She may have a thing for someone else and/or just being friendly to me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Convince me to pay extra on my student loans
POST: Be gentle, PF, first post here. I know the math says always pay extra on loans when you can, but I'm balancing that advice against peace of mind lost or gained, and overall quality of life. So here are some numbers:
*35 y/o
*$34,000 in student loans at 2%
*No other debt except mortgage which is less than 80% value of the house, fixed at less than 4% interest, and on track to be paid off years before retirement
*4 months of expenses in FDIC, liquid account
*4 months of expenses in a brokerage account
*More than a year's worth of salary in tax deferred retirement account
*$75k salary
**I will obviously pay the minimum payment every month.** The student loan payment is ridiculously low, so paying it off early wouldn't affect much in my monthly budget, but of course it's on a very long term with increased payments toward the end. Yes, I will definitely pay extra / pay it off early in later years, but I'm struggling with whether or not I should do so **now** when that later gain might be shadowed by the loss of cash during these years I'm about to start a family.
TL;DR: | In terms of "cash anxiety" is it worth it to pay extra on my student loans now, or just wait until I can pay them off completely? |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Identity theft/fraud or a mistake?
POST: Looking for opinions from people knowledgeable about identity theft or have dealt with it.
A couple months back I had some fraudulent charges on a credit card I rarely use. I thought it was weird that someone got my card number when I never use it.
This brought me to pull up a credit report on myself. I am 25 and haven't payed attention to my credit. On my credit report I found a card opened in July of 2000 in a state I have never lived in. I was 14 at the time so I did not open this card nor did my parents. The card is in good standing (no delinquent payments) and has a balance of $3,000.
Other than that, I don't see any other fraudulent activity.
**Question**: Is this mysterious credit card under my account a mistake or fraud? It seems weird that someone would make payments on it for 11 years.
Should I go about removing it as if it were fraud or contact credit agencies to challenge it as a mistake?
The funny thing is that it seems to be boosting my credit score because the only other card I have has been open for 4 years.
TL;DR: | There's a credit card on my credit report that I didn't open with a $3,000 balance. Is this a possible mistake or fraud? |
SUBREDDIT: r/pettyrevenge
TITLE: No one insults my Grandma and gets away with it
POST: When my mum was a kid, money was tight. Not quite paycheck-to-paycheck, but not far off.
When my mother was in primary school (about 6 or 7 years old), she was invited to a birthday party for one of the kids in her year. While she was there, this perfect-princess, rich-and-obnoxious girl from her school (who was already on the path to becoming a total bitch) decided it was a good idea to inform my mother that the party dress she was wearing was hideously ugly, because it had been handmade by my grandmother rather than having been bought from a store like hers. She continued to rub my mum's nose in her comparative poverty and insult my grandma's work at length, before eventually getting bored and deciding to go find someone else to be a bitch to.
As you can imagine, my mother was furious. She loved that dress **because** my grandma had taken the trouble to make it for her, and decided she would have her revenge. Now, the girl in question had long blonde ringlets that she was obsessively proud of. My mum had been eating a toffee when Bitchchild came up to her, and as she turned to walk away, my mother very quickly and carefully took the toffee out of her mouth and stuck it dead centre in this girl's hair.
The toffee wasn't spotted by anyone for a while, by which time it was completely stuck. Snobgirl ended up having to have that piece of hair cut off, which in turn required all her hair to be cut short to match. She cried. My mother gloated. And no one ever knew it was her.
TL;DR: | Rich snobby girl makes fun of my mother for having a homemade dress; my mother causes her to have all her hair cut off. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Hey! I'm [24M] in limbo with my ex [23 F] any advice?
POST: Here's the story: I met a girl in college. We fell hard for each other and things got serious quickly. She began having doubts and this scared me so I broke it off. The breakup was super messy. After a few months I realized my mistake and I tried to get her to take me back. She was angry and wanted nothing to do with me. I pined for her for a long time. She's was the one that got away.
Fast forward two years and I'm about to graduate and have just accepted a placement with a program called JVC (it's kinda like a Jesuit peace corps) in Nicaragua. She and I hadn't spoken in two years except for sporadic emails and we weren't on necessarily friendly terms. We had both dated other people in the meantime.
Out of the blue I get an email asking to meet up. She says she'd like for us to be on better terms. I tell her I'm cautious and think it's a bad idea. We meet for coffee and hit it off again. We spend the majority of that weekend together and by the end are talking about getting back together. We spendmuch of the next month together. We live in different cities so I was traveling up to see her.
Things begin moving forward quickly and we start talking about how this would work. She is very worried about getting hurt again and me leaving. She then says that she needs an indefinite amount of time to sort some things out of her end. Since then we haven't spoken.
TL;DR: | rekindled things with "the one that got away" but am leaving for foreign country for two years and things are anything but a sure thing with her |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [00 M/F] with my brother [32 M] and his girlfriend [32F] have both let me know they have worries in the relationship. Anything I can do to get them to talk?
POST: I'll keep this short. My brother and his girlfriend have both texted me over the past month that they have concerns about different aspects of the relationship. Both of them are worried that it will be ending soon due to different aspects on the other end. At first it was just her, but my brother just let me know he had some worries. The problem is, they both said they don't want the other knowing that they told me.
They are both my good friends, I consider them both family at this point. They were there for me during a really rough period in my life recently and I would hate to see them split apart. I am considering sending a simple text to both of them 'Over the past month you have each expressed concerns with the other about your relationship. I am telling you this because you both mean a great deal to me and I would hate to see things mess up between you two because of things going unsaid. Please get together and lay all your cards on the table and work this out.'.
Thoughts or suggestions?
TL;DR: | brother and his girlfriend have both texted me about worries in the relationship (completely different worries), and I would like to somehow let them both know they need to sit down and talk. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (23/m) broke up with the perfect girl (23/f) for me...
POST: This girl is amazing. Everything I possibly could want in a girl she had. And most of all she loved me immensely. She would have loved me no matter what, in good health and bad.
Yet, I could never say I love you back. She was so in love with me I got scared. I don't know why and it sounds stupid when I type it, but this girl was falling me so hard and I was just not ready for it despite her being an ideal life partner.
Enough doubt came in my mind that I just broke up with her. It wasn't pretty, and I broke her heart after 4 months of dating. This poor girl that loved me so much, I took her heart and ripped it to shreds. It kills me to know that I did this to her. I now feel like the worlds biggest asshole, and am second guessing my decision.
Was this a valid reason to break up with someone? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did it end up in the long run?
TL;DR: | I broke up with the perfect girl because I didn't love her as much as she loved me. Did I do the right thing? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Why is it bad to tell a girl that she should dress more modestly because she might get raped?
POST: Okay guys, your immediate answer is somewhere along the lines of, "Because rape is not a womans fault hurrderr!"
But lets look at a very similar situation. (Hypothetical situation, before you atheist antagonists hop up on this...)
Let's say I am a Jew. Let's say that I would like to express my love of Judaism by running through the streets of Tehran proclaiming my love of God and of my fellow Jews. If I did that though, I know that there is a possibility that a Muslim, upon hearing my joyous proclamation, gets so riled up that he kills me. (Not all Muslims hate Jews. Yeah? Well not all men are rapists, so I will continue before you even say it.)
Furthermore, If I informed my fellow Jews of my yearning to embark on this glorious quest, those same Jews would tell me it was a bad idea, because i could be killed!
If I did get killed, a court would not say that my murder was my fault, it would be the murderer's fault.
But i shouldn't have been there. And I shouldn't have been acting in that way.
I am not saying that rape is a woman's fault. It isn't. But why is it so bad to suggest prudence? Shouldn't caution be taken, given the circumstances under which we live?
TL;DR: | You would tell a JEW not to go to Iran, but you won't tell a woman to not go to parties. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22F] matched with an ex [23M] on tinder...
POST: Sorry in advance if this seems like a stupid situation/question/whatever. Anyway, the beginning of this year I met this guy and we ended up dating for a few months. However, neither of us was really sure what we wanted and he wasn't over his ex so things ended up falling apart relatively amicably, though I will say I liked him quite a bit. We didn't stay in touch- we were never friends before we dated- and haven't been in contact since. This ended around 4 months ago.
So the other night his little face popped up on my tinder (dating-ish app). I was curious/missed him/whatever and "liked" him. Well, this morning it popped up that it was a mutual match- meaning he "liked" me too.
He hasn't said anything and neither have I but I would like to. I have no idea what to say or if I should even say anything. Does him "liking" me necessarily mean he would be interested in hearing from me or what?
Really just looking for some opinions on this slightly weird situation.
Thanks in advance
TL;DR: | Matched w a guy I used to date on tinder. Would like to talk to him but I don't know what to say! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [25 M] and my best friend [25 F] explain to her mom ["49" F] that I will be her daughter's "Man of Honor"
POST: My best friend of 8, nearly 9 years is engaged to a great guy and she has asked me to be her maid of honor. The catch is, I am a dude.
Her fiance is happy with this arrangement, but her Mom has a traditional view of how weddings should work. She is by no means a stuffy conservative. This is not going to cause a dramatic "wedding threatening issue."
It will "break her heart" and cause her some emotional turmoil that **nobody** wants her to deal with. She will also probably try to talk my friend out of her decision. I know this will not change my friend's mind, but it will cause my friend stress that she does not need to deal with ** because we already have a goddamned wedding to plan.**
---
The mother knows me pretty well, and she likes me. She even calls me occasionally when she is having problems with her daughter. I know her reticence will have nothing to do with me personally. She just needs to warm up to the idea of dudes being in the bridal party.
---
Reddit, what are some strategies I can use to explain to this woman that I am going to be the man of honor and that is all going to be **okay**?
TL;DR: | How do I explain to a mother who wants a traditional wedding for her daughter that there is going to be a "man of honor?" |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I'm pretty sure that the baby next door is crying way too much. And sometimes it sounds like pure, incessant agony.
POST: It's 2pm in the afternoon on a Sunday and all I can hear is a baby crying and screaming next door. I live in a terraced house in West London, England, in a town called Southall (known for it's major Indian and Pakistani inhabitants). The sound is faint because the walls are thick enough, but when I tune into the sound then I begin to feel pretty disturbed.
It was also happening 12 hours ago when I was trying to get to sleep. I was really high, so my heightened sense of compassion made for a pretty disturbing experience. It's being ongoing for a couple of weeks.
Let's cut to the chase, if there is a baby being abused or neglected then I want to save it. But how do I go about this?
I'll provide any information I can to help someone help me. I don't care about the loss of sleep, I just need to know that nothing too serious is going on.
TL;DR: | A baby is crying constantly next door. I need to know how I can determine if it definitely isn't getting abused. |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Is beer worse than other types of calories for weight loss?
POST: Question's in the subject. I was doing great last year, but fell off the wagon around March and have been struggling to turn it around since. Last week, I made the necessary changes and got back on the path to continuing to lose, and I feel great. However, I think my love of beer is one of the big reasons I fell off immediately - I love craft brews, and I think cutting them out entirely, or limiting them to only the specialest of occasions was a mistake. I want to know if beer is evil for any particular reason, or if it's just like any other source of calories.
TL;DR: | If I can find room in my daily calorie intake for a 200 calorie beer, is there any reason I can't have it? |
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