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Ways to help somebody with depression? So my boyfriend has pretty severe depression. I'm the only person he talks to about it, and it's good that he can at least talk to someone, but I think he should tell his parents so he could try to get professional help. He refuses to talk to anyone but me about it and believes that a therapist can't help him, no matter how hard I've tried to convince him. He also believes taking medicine wouldn't help, even though I have tried to convince him. He is suicidal at least once a day and I'm worried that one day he will just do it.
Any ways to help him (I know everyone is different but any general advice) would be appreciated. | self.depression |
What to do Since i can remember i would always say to myself that i will kill myself when my parents have died.. as ive grown older i want to live more, but i become more afraid of their death each day, because i dont think i will cope.. i cant cope with seing my father loose my mother, or see her loose him, i dread to think of never seeing either of them again... i dont want to die | self.SuicideWatch |
When you see another walking dead man. You see it in his eyes. The meds have blinded him, caged him. And they say it's for the best. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Rapid heart rate all day and i don't know why 25 years old.
Male
6'1 / 186 cm
154 pounds / 70kg
As far as I can remember, no one in my family has had a history of heart diseases. I myself am also quite athletic; I've exercised frequently here and there and I've got great stamina for running. Matter of fact, I just ran a couple miles a while ago and I was fine.
Now here's my situation:
I've always had some form of inability to deal with great change. Back when I was seeing my therapist he'd told me it had to do with me having been overprotected too much, my parents' divorce, and not having had a chance to fully mature properly. But regardless, that's just some background.
Couple weeks ago I had a sore/strep throat. Pretty harmless, right? However, and for the first time in like, 1 or 2 years, my reaction to something that should've been simple was exaggerated and consisted of severe anxiety and depression throughout weeks. I took antibiotics daily for a week, then for another 3 days, and now have been taking an anti-histamine for my allergies. The throat issue seems to be gone. So that's that.
I was still feeling super anxious and depressed, even after the throat thing had passed, and it's been a year since I've stopped my year-long visits to my therapist, as well as medication, so I thought that it was about time to go back to all of that, and this time to continue treatment properly.
I started taking an SSRI since last week. First week was 10mg. This one's been 20mg (a whole pill). It's paroxetine. I've taken paroxetine in the past. No rapid heart rate then. It's a different brand name than the one I used to have. Does that make any difference?
Anyways, I also took Xanax (1mg) at night for like, 3 days, as I was taking the SSRI. I decided to stop it since it made me super tired. Plus, if you're on a lot of medication it gets to a point you don't even know what's causing what.
So now it's just been the SSRI plus the anti-histamine for the allergies.
Now, I didn't have any high levels of anxiety, or negative thinking, or depression throughout the day. Yet my heart was still racing, and probably at around 80 bpm, if not more.
Why? Is it a side effect of the SSRI? Is it a side effect of me having taken Xanax as I was taking the SSRI? Could it be a heart disease? I mean I went to the gym yesterday and I ran a couple miles today and nothing happened. Could it still be a heart disease?
Could the anxiety and depression have caused it? And now, even though I've gotten much better and have had no negative thoughts about stuff, the rapid heart rate still lingers for a few days? Is that normal?
I have trouble sleeping because of it. It sucks.
I remember the Xanax (Alprazolam is the brand name) calming me down a bit, actually. But I've stopped it. Did I stop it too soon? I don't want to go back to it because it may f**k me up more with withdrawal and stuff.
What do you guys think? Just what on earth is happening? I mean, I don't have high temperatures, my cognitive functions are all fine and dandy, but the heart rate is slightly uncomfortable. Plus, my hands shake all the time because of it. | self.Anxiety |
My hospice patient is dying I volunteer for hospice and i visit the same one or two patients every week while they are on hospice. My Hilly is dying. She won’t eat, drink, and can’t talk. 8 months of going to see her for an hour a week. I play her the same song on my ukulele and she loved it every time. I played it for her, for the very last time. I talked, she listened. She couldn’t talk or make out sentences but She’s dying and i can’t help her. I cried and held her hand as she lay on the couch in the common area cause she never liked being alone.
I can’t stop crying.
I know nothing about this woman other than her first and last name. I never knew i could grow so close to someone who I’ve never even met.
Rest In Peace hilly. Thank you for teaching me so much about life. | self.offmychest |
feel like shit that my favorite girl idol looks nothing like she used to do I have fervently followed this superstar for years. Recently I have came to not be able to cope with the fact that she doesn't look like she used to do at all. Plastic surgery has changed her nice, sweet, petite appearance. There's one show I have became obsessed with, where she looks the finest, looks the youngest, and looks the healthiest. It has became quite the addiction for me. I stay up very late at nights to re-watch her entire show that she performed in a land far away. I take note of every step she makes, every note she sings in that show.
Somehow it feels like I have lost a childhood, I have lost a friend in a car crash, and knowing that her appearance will just continue to worsen makes it so much painful.
I might be ridiculous for saying this, but it feels like as if I have been raped, my virginity was stripped away from me by a complete stranger by force, and I can never have it back.
| self.depression |
Today is my 26th birthday and I woke up feeling loved, empowered and grateful. This time last year I was unmedicated and actively planning my suicide. Things can get better! (I’m crying so hard while writing this.) For most of the year I’ve been dreading my birthday and losing my insurance. Last week I was approved to stay on my parents insurance which was a giant relief to me. This year my friends organized a little party for me today. My phone is blowing up with birthday wishes and love. And this sub has provided me with so much support and kindness that has really made a major difference in my life. I feel so thankful, safe and cared for. 26 is going to be my god damn year! | self.bipolar |
tired of the voice ever since i was little i have this voice in my head. whenever im supposed to do something important or nessecary, he's the opposite. he sounds like myself
and ALWAYS convinces me to NOT do it. and i listen to him, why?
its always this battle in my head and i never chose to just do it, Never ever in my life.
idk i just do and it makes me sick i have no control of my own body and thoughts
i failed at every school ive been to in my life, failed at everyjob in my life.
im so tired of it
i dont have anything in life
i dont understand a social life, i just cant comprehend why u want to be social
i cant relate to anybody ever
i FEEL like everybody is stupid and im 'smart' ,sometimes people make me so mad (by just being normal?) i want to kill them with my bare hands
i feel like i never connected with someone on a personal level
i just dont understand it
i dont have friends. i only have some people that make fun of me because i fail at everything at life
i cant take it anymore
i want to kill the voice
he doesnt deserve my body
ive gone to therapists but they all just make me really mad and really confused about things
im sorry guys i cant take it anymore
| self.SuicideWatch |
Got left by my friends with benefits on Christmas holiday for 2 weeks to visit her boyfriend and i’m jealous as hell I’m a 30 yo male and i met a new female coworker who is having a long distance relationship with her boyfriend (it was 4 months after the boyfriend left when i met her) who is temporarily working in a different country far from home for the next 2-3 years. There were ongoing problems already in her relationship and it got worse because the boyfriend was leaving. Things happen and we started to do casual sex, but then our feelings grew stronger and stronger after a few months together and we fell in love that she decided to choose me over her boyfriend. She really wanted to breakup with her bf to be able to be with me, but then she already bought an airplane tickets way before she met me to visit her boyfriend, and to make it worse she visited her bf with her bf’s parents. She wanted to refund the tickets, but i told her not to since she already promised her bf’s parents that they would travel together and it would also make us look bad as well (since we work in the same company) if later on we announced to everyone else that we are official. She is currently visiting her boyfriend. She contacted me everyday to comfort me and telling me that shes sorry for putting me in this position, but still i feel jealous and sad all the time and even though she always comforts me i cannot get rid of the feelings. Thinking about the fact that shes spending Christmas holiday with her bf just burns me to the core. Just wanna share this story here since i have no one else to talk to. Thanks reddit
| self.offmychest |
Feeling like a burden. 23F So, I'm living at my boyfriends grandmothers house for about a month now. I have internal injuries that require bedrest and of course clinical depression. Yesterday he and I were asked to clean the house for thanksgiving, and this morning I overhear her saying "No wonder her parents don't want her at their house, if sleeping is all she does." I feel like I'm a burden to those around me and will only ever get hate for my conditions. If I'm going to live useless and broken I shouldn't be around at all. I'm like a sick horse that is too expensive to fix and should be put down. | self.SuicideWatch |
Telling to people you have anxiety (but they always compliment you on how good your life is and I only feel guilty) [deleted] | self.Anxiety |
Aunt returns everything she buys cause she hates spending money but likes stuff. Nothing pisses me off more lately then my aunt.
She hates spending money so she buys stuff she needs (curlers for her hair, a dvd for her kid, slippers, anti fizz stuff for her hair.. etc) and then after she uses it, she instantly returns it.
Today, she went to target to buy curlers for her hair. Her statement: “I need them for thanksgiving so I’ll use them once and then return them bc I won’t ever use them again!”
Who fucking does this?! She constantly does this with about 90% of stuff she buys. Whyyyyyy. | self.offmychest |
my girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me, and i am so lost. hey, this is my first time on reddit. I saw the community and figured I should try it out. But here's the story:
Two months ago I went to Florida with some buddies, and she got really mad at me for it (btw i am 18), but continuing we just went there because this is the last time we would hang before college and just a good time. We didn't even do anything crazy, we literally stayed with my grandma lol. Anyways, she got mad that I went and wanted to cut things off (a day before a 2 years) while I was in Florida. Sure we always had our little fights and what not so we would take a break or whatever, but then this time it was different. She committed to it. So when I came back I tried so hard. I would buy her flowers, treat her so good, I even surprised her with a $500 dinner and a small little road trip to a place she'd been dying to go to. She hung out with me during the last 2 months, she said she loved me. She said that what happened in the past was in the past. She would continue to text me every night and say all of this stuff, if she was hungry I would offer to get food and would get her it. After 2 months of thinking it was going in the right direction, she randomly started texting this boy. In my mind, I knew something was fishy, but said nothing about it. She even told me there was nothing to worry about which is the funny thing. Well then last night, she decided to make it clear she wanted me more than him. Flaunting him around, and just acted like I was nothing. She acted like I never even did a single thing in her life. I drove to her house at 4 am (today) because I wanted to talk to her because she was trying to justify over text saying it was "okay" because we had been "broken up" for 2 months, yet for the last 2 months she's been saying the complete opposite. I am so lost & saddened. She was my literal everything. We had our futures planned. And I am just so lost. It takes forever for time to pass by. I just lay in bed and wonder why me. What did I do. I tried so freaking hard to make her feel perfect. Why me. | self.depression |
I barely talk to anyone anymore I am a shut in that lives with his mother. My mom is the only person I see in the flesh each day. I may talk to like three people online on occasion. Other than that it feels impossible to interact with people. | self.depression |
Looking for someone to talk/ chat with Like the name of the subreddit i just want to get some stuff off my chest in the hope that someone will read this and say something to help me.
Here i go
I'm male, 20y old, i'm studying history 1st year and I feel lonely. Not because i don't have friends ( i do both irl and online) but because i am missing a "best friend". I feel lonely because i can't talk to anyone about my inner thoughts and feelings and before anyone says "well you have friends, why not talk to them about that stuff?"
Well because i'd feel like i'd be burdening them with my problems and also because i'm afraid of opening up. I'm typing this in relative anonimity so that helps to make this easier. Irl i'm more of an introverted person, that's why i don't like opening up to my friends.
So i guess what i really want to get off my chest is: Is someone ( race, gender, sexual preference, nationality don't matter) who is willing to get in touch with me and talk about personal stuff?
Btw if i comitted a Reddit faux pas by posting this. Please go easy on me, i'm fairly new to this site
TL;DR looking for someone to chat with about thoughts and feelings | self.offmychest |
Ignorance It's Christmas Eve and I'm lying in bed literally crying over my family's ignorance of provable facts.
My uncle, up until this year, was a good debate partner. We were able to discuss politics without arguing; it was fun, really! The rest of my family always asked if I needed rescuing but I never wanted nor needed it. This year, things changed: he trotted out the trickle-down "theory" and how it was the best possible option. I asked him to look at Kansas and the result of applying that theory. Evidently, him doing 50 case studies over 25 years says my suggestion to at least research is worthless. I didn't even ask him to agree with me, I just asked him to do some research. He claimed that ignorance is the world's largest problem right now but the hypocrisy is absurd: he refused to even look into it claiming "Kansas is special" and that you can't extrapolate based on one state.
My own brother agreed on a different subject and for different reasons (uncle: ethics on "kill the driver or kill the child, one has to happen and we can't have vehicles with no controls", brother: insurance rates will climb. You think I wouldn't have to have insurance, even if I weren't actually driving?? Insurance companies are powerful: I'd have to get insurance due to that): autonomous vehicles. I will never be able to get a driver's license due to a permanent visual disability. He (brother) argued that there will never be a vehicle with no manual override due to insurance rates. In a world where autonomous vehicles are the norm, it'll be *more* expensive to have a vehicle with controls than not but he won't fucking listen! I'm not ignorant about this: it's gonna take a fucking long time to get to that point but at least acknowledge that it's a possibility! Don't just shut me down and insult the most important thing to me: my intelligence.
The fuck you I got mine attitude is killing the world. | self.offmychest |
Would you consider dedicating your live to others instead of killing yourself? What do I do? That's the question my mind ponders. Maybe I don't like capitalism, maybe I don't like my life (and that means I am willing to die if my situation is bad enough), but I can't stand thinking other people could have had better living conditions thanks to me, but with death, I can't help anyone anymore.
Is it worth fighting one more day if that helps someone? Maybe you could even study something just to help people with your job, it's really satisfying to know that a human being has a better chance of happiness because of you. I know, you must be thinking that is not, but with the right perception you could start to see it this way.
What makes it satisfying for me is the fact that life is unfair and we with our actions have a way to impact other people's lives for the better. Maybe it's not such a strange idea, maybe it's worth fighting for.
That's what I am thinking about lately, to be selfless and live at least a few more years just to help others in need, to become a "small buddha" (as in accepting the fact the job may be tiring sometimes) that focuses on doing something worthwhile with his time.
I used to think something like "but you can't do anything important to help, it's not worth it". Maybe I can, and I just don't know yet. I want your thoughts. | self.SuicideWatch |
Just need to vent. I'm just a 25 year old guy who wants to try and pour out some thoughts to something other than a mirror or a piece of paper for once. I'm tired of doing everything alone. I've made a lot of poor decisions in my life, granted nothing criminally bad, but I've been trying to turn things around as of late. I was homeschooled my entire childhood, but my parents put minimal effort into raising or educating me. I grew up very sheltered, and it led me to be very withdrawn, anxious, and self-dependent. I attended community college for two years, but dropped out once they told me they wouldn't assist me financially through a university. As I was studying towards something I had little interest in, I decided to instead start working full-time. To me, it was better than putting myself into massive debt when I didn't even want to work in the field for for which I was studying.
I worked very hard to save up what money I could over the next couple of years, and moved out last January. Moving out ended up not fixing anything. I was working in a field with people twice my age; with whom I shared little to no interests. I was too reserved and stressed to ever try and expand my social life outside of work. I realized (finally after several years, and a year long spat) my one close friend was very selfish throughout our friendship. I spent nights awake helping him through tough spots, but as I needed him he was never there, and would constantly put off any situation where I tried to talk with him. I ended up quitting my job for several months, spent that time finally becoming comfortable with myself, my interests, and my identity, and figured out a long-term plan for myself.
Now I'm back living with my parents, paying rent, and I try to keep to myself. We don't have much of a relationship at this point, but it's civil. I'm hoping to spend the next few months studying for the SAT while working, and I'm going to try and put myself through 4 years of college come next spring. But it's all so incredibly daunting and stressful. I knew how hard this would be, and I know I've got to persevere through it all, but it's so damn difficult.
I've accepted that I've messed up a lot, that it's on me to turn things around, and I want to do this. But with everything I've already done, and knowing I've got several more years ahead of me, the loneliness is brutal. I've overcome the depression I've dealt with since I was a kid in some aspects, but not the loneliness. I'm tired of having no one to share moments with, no one to care about, and no one who cares about me in return. That this is all an effort of blind hope doesn't help, either. The hope I'll succeed in my studies and get into college, I'll successfully get through college, land a job I actually don't hate, and move on towards a better life. That the debt and spending the next several years broke will work out. I'll be several years older than just about everyone at college, and I'll be working more crappy jobs in the meantime.
I've never had a relationship, don't have friends at this point, and don't have family to meaningfully talk to. I'm on my own through this, which is my own dumb fault. I've made strides towards feeling better, but I'm still nowhere close to happy. I've just got to push on and hope I can make it all work, but right now it just sucks.
If you read through this, I'm genuinely appreciative of that. Like I said, I just wanted to try and put my thoughts somewhere different for a change. Maybe if nothing more than to give myself a little motivation. I've lurked around here long enough anyway. Cheers all, and if anyone wants or needs someone to whom they themselves can vent, I'll try and be there for you. :)
| self.depression |
I have an amazing friend This Christmas I got a wonderful present from my parents. It was an illustrated copy of my favourite childhood book and I almost cried seeing it. I told my best friend about this and he was happy for me. Immediately he started asking about the book, being genuinely interested. He asked about the story line, and looked at the illustrations with me enthusiastically. It meant a lot to me that something so special could be shared with my best friend, especially because on the outside it looked like a boring book and wasn't his type. I love my friends and parents so much. | self.offmychest |
Stopped lamotrigine due to allergy, pdoc wants me to try lithium, which is a no go for me, not sure what to do So I'm meeting next weeks to discuss meds, I haven't figured out 100% what I reacted to, but it sounds most likely the lamotrigine.
Lithium is a high maintenance med and it doesn't sound like there's much leeway, I have done stupid shit like double dosed on lamictal twice this year just because I was brainfogged and extremely stressed, and forget doses from time to time, etc with the best of efforts. It really takes optimal conditions for me to not make mistakes, and that means I can't have too many distractions or stressors in my life, which is very unlikely. I don't have the best of executive function. I don't want to have to worry about dehydration, all I need is to be distracted by something and I won't be paying close enough attention, and getting me to get blood drawn is a whole other story.
I'm pretty anxious because I have tried a lot of things and ruled out a lot of meds already. I'm not medicated now and really having a hard time thinking clearly.
| self.bipolar |
Vocal messages trigger anxiety in me Title says it all. Most of the times, no matter who sends it, when I see that I received a vocal messages I suddenly feel more anxious. Does it happens to anyone of you? How do you cope? | self.Anxiety |
Dear New Zealand, Stop being racist. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I am a proud brown female, and I know that I am the minority in the minority. But can you please stop treating me differently? I work very hard and I know I have an accent, but that does not mean I am uneducated or should be treated like a second class citizen at the work place or wherever I go.
The way the stereotype goes, my kind are known as the hard workers. But that does not mean you should fire all other employees, and give me a work-load the size of Russia and then dock my pay?
Make me redundant because you don't want to pay me my hard earned wages anymore? Do you treat your own kind that way?
Why are you discriminating against my brothers are sisters? Why don't you see beyond the colour of our skin? Why do you ostracise my brothers and sisters and form your own cliques? Why don't you open your heart to diversity?
People are dying, brothers are killing brothers, kids do not have food to eat, and you? You are afraid to shake my hand, have a meal with me, treat me humanely?
You've made someone very sad today, this is on your conscience New Zealand. This one is on you. | self.offmychest |
I know I’m going to die in a car accident It’s a bad feeling I’ve been having for a few weeks now, it won’t be my fault. A car is going to hit me head on and kill me on impact. My job is pretty much grocery delivering so I have a HIGH risk of dying in a crash. I wish now I didn’t have this job and that I didn’t need this job to afford my car I have now. I guess I’m tied to the roads and my approaching death | self.Anxiety |
Any suggestions on how to handle feeling terribly lonely? Like how to get through the lonely nights. I'm not asking for advice on how to meet folks. Just on how to handle night after night alone. Combined with feeling hopeless re dating over the last few years. | self.depression |
What should I do? Unfortunately I have a sister, which is an ultimate B. We used to have really good relations. but you know, nothing in life is perfect, so we had little fights after which we wouldn't speak to each other for few days. But with the time it was getting worse.
Firstly, she was having a sulk for pretty much no reason. I didn't blamed her because she's just a teen and it was probably her teen rebellion or something.
But quiet days first turned into quiet weeks and then evolved into avoiding each other and finally into bullying, she is the bully, I'm the victim. Mostly I didn't payed attention to her insults because I had no idea what to do.
In the summer 2016 she started bullying me again but this time I was tired of her acting like a diva, so I decided to fight back. That was a huge mistake, she got literally furious and attacked me. I was lying on the ground completely helpless and terrified to do anything while she was beating me. Thankfully there were only scratches and a few bruisers. My parents saw the event but didn't do a single shit to help me. They just ignored it. I could call the police but I don't think if there would be a much use of them.
In November/December 2016 my "beloved" family moved into the new house. because of my siblings (this piece of garbage first turned against me one of our brothers and later did the same thing with the other one) I decided to stay in the old house with my uncle and grandparents. my parents live nearby so they are visiting me from time to time.
Also in 2016 "my sis" got knocked up by her boyfriend. Funny thing is that before they even were together she was bullying and laughing at him behind his back. :)
After giving a birth to her daughter she started to treat her as a money making machine. she's getting some cash from government for the baby. My mum is taking that money and putting them in bank account for the kido's future. But of course my sister is so selfish and doesn't understand that, she keeps yelling at my mother because she can't spend that money on new clothes, fastfood, make up etc. Let's just skip the fact that she's treating my parents like a crap, especially my mum who was supportive for her during her pregnancy, provides for her and helps to take care of her granddaughter.
Since we're not living in the same house anymore (thank God) she can't skip an occasion to bully me.
When my mum calls me she yells so loud so I can hear it and feel even more depressed.
Today when I talked with my mum through the phone that psycho yelled, that if I will get nearby my parents house I'll regret it.
My parents and I are just sick and tired of her.
*sorry for bad english*
Any thoughts, ideas or advices?
| self.offmychest |
New job stressing me out, I need advice/to vent I was hired in October at a big retail chain. I had just quit a cafe job after 3 weeks due to constant panic attacks ( yes, it was that horrible and anxiety inducing). I applied to work in the clothing area of the store, but was hired as a cashier because I wasn't going to be full time.
Since then, I've been getting 35-40 hours a week. Today is my first day off after working 8.5 hour days 6 days in a row. I feel exhausted. They agreed to 20-25 hours at the most. The customers at this job are very entitled, rude, and full of themselves. I'm very shy and have social anxiety which makes this job worse. I pretty much hate it, except for a lot of the people I work with. The managers are really rude, uncaring, and my main manager is so rude whenever I see she's working for the day I want to leave.
I have family coming for Christmas I haven't seen in YEARS, and every day they'll be here I'm working all day. The only day we'll be together is Christmas. I tried talking to a manager who basically told me they're not doing anything about my hours. About 7 other people I work with complained to them about not getting the hours they requested as well. I'm just angry the day my family is coming I'm working 8.5 hours, then the next day I work all day, and the next day (Christmas Eve) the same thing. I told a manager I will be taking 5 classes starting first week of January and her response was "Well, I mean, we can look at your schedule but you're probably not gonna get the amount you want." THEN WHY DID YOU AGREE TO IT??????????
I'm so anxious because I feel trapped and have no way to visit with my family, and can't quit because this is the highest paying job I've ever had, and I just feel so upset. | self.Anxiety |
What could it be? Hi all, I’m wondering why I have good and bad days, and why they go in and out?
At times I’ve had depression within the last year (more than 2 weeks sadness, at the start of the school year I was like this) but at other times I’m just fine, and right now I’m a little of both
At times I’ll think “damn I have no friends and my life is horrible” to thinking “I’m happy right now I have lots of people talking to me”
I feel like somethings wrong with me, but I also feel like it’s just me being lazy and stupid and if I changed my behaviour I’d be just fine
Ugh | self.depression |
I promised... 3 years ago, in a summer trip to Europe, my depression led to a panic attack and a suicide attempt. I’ve since then recuperated and been on again off again depressed. But I promised myself I would never get to the state I got in Europe. For the sake of my family and for the sake of my newly born (at the time) sister.
Now, on the eve of my sister’s third birthday, what am I doing? Wallowing and pondering the point of living. I’ve been like this for months and it’s only gotten worse. Sometimes I think the only thing keeping me alive is that promise.
I’m such a hypocrite... I feel ignored, but I hate taking others attention and time. I don’t really know what to do anymore, and I’m scared that one day I’m going to just end it. Sorry if I’m being melodramatic. | self.SuicideWatch |
It's my birthday but I still want to die. It's big day for me and I feel guilty for not being happy and not wanting to enjoy it but all I want to do is to shut myself off from everyone and sleep. I remember I used to be so happy about my birthday coming up but now I just don't want to celebrate it anymore. | self.depression |
How do you cope with the bad days? I've been dealing with depression on and off for over ten years. I've been on medication (Citalopram) for the majority of that time. Lately it seems like it's not lifting me out of the bad days like it used to, so I was wondering what other people do to cope with the difficult times.
Thanks in advance for your help. | self.depression |
... nothing is interesting anymore.i don't have fun doing anything even as I'm typing this now I feel like my withered husk of a soul is still being chipped away at.at school I'm miserable,at home I'm just alone with my thoughts nothing interests me nothing gives me that spark that you got when ur a kid and discover something new even playing my favorite games has gotten completely boring.is this what life is? why should I keep on living if this is all its gonna be I have no girlfriend hardly any friends anymore irl I know my family might be upset but really if I ceased existence its pretty much benefits for everyone.no I don't need a 5150 or something I don't have the guts to do anything but still life is just garbage | self.depression |
Every time i go to sleep, i have a small hope that i will never wake up [deleted] | self.depression |
Random extreme passions - is it a bipolar thing? [deleted] | self.bipolar |
I stopped initiating conversations with my "friends" and it's been a month since we talked. They forgot my birthday. I wish I wasn't lonely and had someone to talk to. | self.depression |
I made a quilt! I formulated a plan. On another day, I ordered materials. A different day, I made the front of the quilt. A couple of weeks later I shopped for a good back of quilt fabric. A week later, I did all the fancy sewing to attach the back to the front, and today I did the binding!!!
I did a project and didn't try to do it all at once. And I FINISHED it!!! | self.bipolar |
Just got dumped My boyfriend of one year broke up with me last night, a week before Christmas. We were discussing some things about the relationship I was dissatisfied with (him not being affectionate and not taking initiative in planning time spent together) and I finally asked him if he even wanted to be in a relationship at this point in his life.
He said “I don’t know.”
Then later he confirmed that he just couldn’t be what I needed right now and wasn’t ready for a commitment.
So I’m just kind of shocked and in lots of pain and trying not to bawl my eyes out at work. Any encouragement would be appreciated. Thank you. | self.bipolar |
Has moving ever helped anyone here? 31/M in Texas. I’ve never felt at home in Texas. Maybe it’s from all my bad memories growing up here involving family issues. I have no friends, no girlfriend, and I only see my family during holidays. I’m also currently unemployed because I quit my job in October. I’ve been thinking about moving somewhere colder (tired of the TX heat), somewhere different, somewhere with attractive females hopefully since I do want to get married eventually. I just feel hopeless in this state. So many people are religious/overweight and I’ve always felt like this place is not my home.
I’m not trying to runaway from issues. I’m honestly just afraid I’m going to end up killing myself if I stay here. I don’t want to end up old, alone, with no family. Does anyone have any experience feeling this way or having moved? | self.depression |
Bad day Upped my antidepressants (Paxil, went from 20mg to 30mg at night) about two weeks ago. I definitely don't feel better yet. Today has been the worst in a while. I've felt extremely unmotivated, distracted, tired, heavy, and lonely. The sky looks fucking weird and I don't feel like myself.
Just wanted to get that out, my friends don't always understand. | self.depression |
anyone else wakes up Gasping for air? I just came back home for the winter break after a stressful semester in which I had awful anxiety and was diagnosed and I can't handle being woken up by mom. Every time she wakes me up, I wake up scared, confused, and gasping for air. A lot of the time she wakes me up and I have no clue where the hell I am. I don't know if it's simply because I'm used to being woken up by an alarm in my dorm room or if it's my anxiety. Have you guys experienced this before? Is it an anxiety thing? | self.Anxiety |
I’m BP and I need to share Cheers to everyone living with BP. I just need to rant and get maybe some support.
In the past everyone including me considered me a visionary with double the energy everybody else has and a young businessman with huge potential.
When I was 19 I started a business and rushed it greatly working for 16 hours a day for several months. I had a future in front of me and I couldn’t be happier. I am intelligent and I always put pressure on my life goals/accomplishments.
Suddenly I went through a “burnout” and lost my company and all of my money. Then like rewatching a movie of my life, I started a business and then got terrible suicidal depression which was the first one like this and I barely made it through.
Right now I’m drowning in debt, selling everything I have and I’m lying to my family everything is okay because they’re not wealthy by any means. I also have terrible memory and keep forgetting everything.
And the best - I have an open relationship with a girl who’s awesome (22 mos, just about to move in together). But I woke up one morning and suddenly I don’t love her. I’m not dumping her. Just no. I know how golden she is for me and this is just temporary. Right?
It all sometimes feels like it’s too much to bear with.
Thank you for reading this and for any support or comments altogether. To anyone struggling as I am, I wish you the best of luck!! | self.bipolar |
I don't know if I should take antidepressants...I'm really scared. So I've just requested two weeks off from work because of how bad my anxiety and depression are. I'm going to spend them at my parents' house to try and recover and see how I feel. I have been previously diagnosed with adhd as a teenager as well so I believe that maybe the symptoms are coming back.
I really wanted to go and try Wellbrutin but when I went to see my GP today they mentioned that they no longer use it in the UK because people have died with it (mainly women who use it with things like contraception). I've been instead prescribed with sertraline and from what I've read online there have been mainly negative results. I have tried citalophram in the past with really bad side effects, bed sweats, nausea, panic attacks etc and I know the effects for sertraline can be slightly similar but I've got the time off now to try it out at least. I know different drugs have different effects on people but I don't really know what I can do, I'm panicking and I had to stop going to work because of my panic attacks and I've been avoiding people as much as I possibly can (which doesn't help when you work in retail)... | self.depression |
Anyone in NorCal wanna shoot me in the head? I’ll supply the gun of course and I’ll even buy you a pizza or whatever. | self.SuicideWatch |
I just feel like a problem to everyone I know. I went to a Christmas party with my SO and for the first time I got my hair and makeup done. I still thought I looked like garbage, makeup can't fix ugly. So I'm all uncomfortable, can't drink alcohol to loosen up (because I'm pregnant), and see my SO talking to some much slimmer prettier woman. I don't trust him since he cheated and lied so many times, so of course I had to comment about it. He yelled at me. I cried. I ruined his night. It was supposed to be his night. I have nobody to talk to and he doesn't understand why I get so down on myself. I always cause problems because of my low self worth. Nobody wants to be around me. I can't seem to even act positive around other people. I have no idea how to make friends, because I no longer have hobbies or interests. I just, feel so alone. I don't think there's anything to live for anymore.
Thank you for reading. | self.depression |
Crying day vs angry day Yesterday I had an angry day. I am trying to catch my angry thoughts and respond better. I haven’t mastered that so I yelled.
Today I’m having a crying day. I can’t work because I can’t concentrate. I feel like it is worse because I can’t function at all.
My husband thinks my angry days are worse because I yell and he has to tip toe around me. I at least can get stuff done if I’m having an angry day.
It isn’t a competition but I feel like today is worse than yesterday and my husband thinks the opposite.
I just want to have a stable day. I just want to have a functional day. | self.bipolar |
Nothing like listening to sad shit and unleashing a rainstorm of tears.. ..having a great time with friends, talking trash and getting wasted together on one day, going back home with "Coldplay - Everything's not lost" on repeat, blaring through the car stereo on the other day, bawling your eyes out like someone just fucking died that day, trying to sing to the lyrics and just breaking down when getting to the "not lost" part... on that rainy, bleak, cold fucking piece of shit day while wondering if that sort of meeting will ever happen again..
I just fail to grasp it, is there a switch somewhere in there that I've not been told about? ANYTHING?? There's gotta be something to change, there just just fucking.. there has to be someth- WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I cant even appreciate having had a good fucking day for once, what a miserable piece of shit. SMILE A BIT, GODDAMMIT. Stop listening to sad shit all the time you cunt! Go metal, be angry, be mad. Just don't break down, for the love of fuck don't do this.. | self.depression |
I went to the teachers in school - and now everything is so much worse. I don't know what to do with my life. So about me : 16M. Failing school. Don't have any motivation to work. I'm getting Suicidal Thoughts more often now. I have some friends. I'm apparently quite a funny guy.
I was doing shit at school, so they said that if I do bad in the next exams (which are literally like a couple days from the time of this post), then I get kicked out. Then I have nowhere to go.
I live with my family in a big house, with my grandparents as well. My dads brothers family lives opposite us as well, and so do 2 other families of ours, across the street. We're quite well off I guess.
I went to the teacher and told her all my feelings. I'm not sure why. I guess I was worried about the exams. I told her about life at home, and my depression (if u want to call it that). She then called me out to talk to the Head of Year and contacted my parents EVEN THOUGH I told her, that I would only talk to her if she didn't contact my parents.
And she did. I liked her as a teacher and as a friend. I felt quite betrayed. That kinda made me despise going to people for help. That was the first time I'd ever talked to anyone about my feelings, and I wanted it to stay between us, or, at least, in school. Now I have to have fucking weekly check ups and shit which does not help. I have to go talk to a School Psychiatrist who I don't even know and tell her about my feelings. How is that going to help? All she does is talk about "Mindfulness" and how it will cure my depression. I've been doing it for months now and I see no change. And I am being open minded about it, or at least, I was.
For fuck's sake man.
Wow. It may seem like I'm being a little bitch or whatever but I'm bad at expressing my feelings. So yeah, I went to people for help, and they betrayed my trust and made the whole situation worse.
First, and last time.
Also I'm failing school which is fucking crushing and demoralising. My parents are going to be so disappointed in me when I fail. My dream is to become a Film Director. I really like games, and films. I also do Martial Arts, which is probably one of the only things that stop me from killing myself (or having a lot of suicidal thoughts). If it wasn't for Martial Arts, I honestly don't know where I would be. And that's saying a lot, considering I'm in such a shit position now.
Fuck's sake. Life is hard man. I don't want it to be. It's not fair...
Fuck.
I don't know what I'm asking but I just want someone to listen / give advice I guess. Thank you.
| self.SuicideWatch |
A lot of my life feels like a drag A couple months ago I posted about some issues with my girlfriend. To save you the time, we broke up.
Right now, everything I do feels like a lot of work. It's not keeping me down, but it just feels like pushing against the tide. I've had to move in with my family again. I'm heartbroken. Work is too much. My friends are more and more distant. I have trouble eating, and have lost a lot of weight in a short time. I have tried to distract myself, primarily from the woman I wanted to have children with, but it never works. I barely sleep, and if I do the only person who I dream about is that fucking girl.
Trying to discuss this with anyone results in them saying things like "oh but look at the positives, you have a great job and a good education and you're young (barely)", but I don't want to hear that. I just want to talk about what's on my mind.
I still feel for her, more than any girl that I've known before and I know she does for me but I can't. I didn't cry over any relationship until this one.
I'm sure it gets better, but right now it feels like being knee deep in a swamp of shit. | self.offmychest |
New sub made specifically for depressed fellow to make new friends :) [removed] | self.depression |
I have the craziest fear of throwing up I don’t know why. I haven’t thrown up in years. Being that it’s been so long whenever my stomach starts feeling weird I get INCREDIBLY anxious and get scared that I am going to throw up soon or that I have food poisoning that is Going to make me throw up out both ends. At times it gets so bad that I either am really about to throw up (Which hasn’t happened) or im having an anxiety attack. I’m not sure how to differentiate the two. It happened again tonight and it’s happened a few times in the last few months. I just bolt to the bathroom but nothing happens and I try to calm down. I’ve had a somewhat sensitive stomach for a while, st times my acid reflux gets bad. But I feel nauseous a lot of the time regardless. Especially this time of year where the weather keeps changing this time of year where I live.
I’m not really sure how to like, treat this.
Right now I feel kind of okay. Still kind of nervous about throwing up soon but. I think I’ll be okay. | self.Anxiety |
I don’t want to have kids because I don’t want them to experience depression I’m only 16, but I’ve already made up my mind: I’m never going to have kids. I can’t stomach the thought of passing my depression down to them, or them having to grow up with a parent struggling with depression. It just wouldn’t be fair to them. | self.depression |
My meds are making me to sleepy I go to work and come home and have to nap for at least two hours. I can’t stay awake all day without a nap. I want to be awake till bed time because after a nap I don’t do anything as I feel lethargic and sick. | self.depression |
I’m sorry I miss you and I love you and I’m sorry | self.offmychest |
I’m Tired of Not Existing and Being Marginalized. Nothing can change my mind. I’m going to thanksgiving and then taking the plunge. I’m tired of this life. Either I’m ignored or perceived as worthless. I’m so tired of being alone, and only surviving day to day. I tried to be strong but it’s not easy anymore. | self.SuicideWatch |
What's a humane way to off oneself? People say they love me and they care... but tbh if I died, I won't make any difference in anyone's life. I'm just an unimportant fly on the wall. | self.SuicideWatch |
Anxiety when starting discussions with family (more of a rant) I have trouble with talking to my parents (I’m 20, F, living at home, going to college close by). Not in the sense of light conversation, or even sometimes deeper stuff not pertaining to me, but everything about myself is difficult. Health, bigger dreams/aspirations, schooling decisions, relationships, etc. Huge emphasis on relationships. Over a year ago, I found myself in a relationship with someone I met online. My family was never open about discussing relationships and are extremely awkward about it, so you can imagine their surprise when I told them (last June) not only about this relationship, but also the fact that we met online.
My mother is rather clingy, so she took this very harshly (I think she feels as if she’s losing me). Verbal attacks ensued, telling me that even though I’ve been seeing a therapist, I would never change (in regards to my anxiety), and that I would be unable to handle traveling to visit my boyfriend. Telling me that she “barely knows me” because I’m a private person and don’t like to share things. Basically whenever we have any conservation about him, it turns into a huge deal. I get such anxiety when I have to talk to them about travel plans or the like, because I’m constantly met with negativity. This is even after he came to visit and stayed with my family and I for a week. He is an extremely charming and polite guy, and his conversations with them went very well. But even after this huge milestone, they never ask about him casually, and I feel extremely uncomfortable bringing him up because I scared of their reaction. Unfortunately, it creates this loop of awkwardness, tension, and ultimately silence from both sides.
**Basically** (with that backstory out of the way), I don’t know how to start conversations with my family. When I know I need to tell them something, I let the anxiety boil and build inside me until I can’t sit still and start pacing the room. Small, light conversations about him would make it less awkward for both sides, but my anxiety prevents me from saying anything, and they don’t ask questions either. I’m going to have an honest conversation tomorrow about it (as per advice from my therapist), but goddammit, it’s difficult. | self.Anxiety |
No one gives a shit about poor people I just don't fucking see how the majority of people aren't fucking poor in the first place. I'm nearly fucking homeless, just barely making it by the skin of my teeth, with little to nothing going for me, with mounting debts, and somehow the majority of fucking people aren't dealing with this shit. I just don't fucking get it. How on Earth did my life turn out to be so fucking shitty, yet somehow most of everyone else is doing way better than me. I know a lot of people in my situation too. I see 'em all around and it's like we're fucking invisible. Nobody gives a shit about us and nobody fucking thinks that the fact that you can end up in this fucking situation in this goddamn country is bad enough to warrant massive change. No one thinks it's a fucking problem because it's only a million or two out of a couple hundred million. In fact, it fucking disgusts me that the majority can just write off ANY human life so easily.
Bad fucking credit. No education. Fucking debts. No savings. Identity theft. And somehow this shit doesn't seem to be a fucking problem for most others. The fucking bleakness of the world is almost enough to drive me to go on a mass homicidal rampage. That's just how fucking ridiculous this shit is. I feel like I will never be in a fucking place where I can expect a better quality of life. This shit can only get worse, and I fucking know that it can because I know people who are sleeping outside tonight in fucking DC in their cars because of this shit. I'm not there yet but jesus fucking christ if I ever am some unlucky piece of shit is going to pay horribly for this bullshit. I am not grateful for this life in the least, and I wish death and disaster upon this country, which by it's institutions have run me into a destitution from which I may never fucking emerge.
Hopelessness. That's all my life is. A fucking endless feedback loop of fucking problems that leads to one another. I have zero legitimate reasons to even stay alive other than for the fucking hell of it. But I'm not just surviving yet. If I ever get to the point where my life is just trying to survive, I'm going to go out of my way to hurt the rich bastards who keep every cent for themselves, who kill the unfortunate minority no one gives a shit about because they're not them. | self.depression |
Is it possible to be a successful (Bipolar) medical professional? I ask because I feel incredibly
hopeless about the prospect.
I'll be brief, but for context I was a pre-medical student who struggled with depression throughout college. I knew I didn't deserve to be there and I almost lost my scholarship when the manic episode came out of nowhere my junior year. My grades weren't that great and I'm probably the target demographic for Dr. Miller's "How to Get into Medical school with a Low GPA."
I just can't focus on my academics, even now that I'm not working and have the time to study for the MCAT. I majored in studio art to give me peace of mind in the face of constant stress, but I'm still absolute shit at working without my mind projecting traumatic experiences from my mania onto everything. I thought that I found a system for emotional stability through my loving partner's unconditional care, a new sense of self-love from art, and the knowledge I gained from my DIY interdisciplinary curriculum... but it's so easy to fuck it up!
Now I'm coming undone after a few weeks of horrible experiences in Ecuador. I was suppose to visit family but ended up losing my abuela in a fatal bus accident. While I don't expect the medical school application cycle and actual work to be as traumatic, I worry that I'm just too unstable, too fragile to go to any sort of graduate school.
Now my parents are pressuring me to hurry up, despite the fact that there's no real rush. Am I lazy for wanting to learn how to take care of myself? What if I get to medical school, triumphant in defeating obstacles of racism and mental health stigmas only to have a manic/depressive episode?
I just want to be a good doctor, but I feel like a middling edgelord that's a burden on my partner and a constant pity to my family and friends. I know my stuff, I have the clinical experience, and I know how to mix art and science, but it's all for nothing if I can't stay out of the fucking psych ward.
I'm not a religious person, but I do try to keep myself alive by nourishing my soul with positivity. If there's anyone who can share their experiences, any sort of tales from academia, of being a working adult and managing the stress just fine! I welcome any sharing and appreciate the time, even if I'm posting for the first time after lurking for so long. | self.bipolar |
My mom planned an appointment in a diagnostic center without me reading the reviews and... It’s full of alternative medicine bullshit! After she finally told me the name of it, the first thing I did was check the reviews out online. Every place I found had a rating below 5/10. Some of the highlights were:
They diagnose multiple people with having a metal toxicity and that’s what’s causing their mental symptoms
They say that standing on your tip toes can treat anxiety
Their medical doctor is a chiropractor
They prescribe healing crystals (!!!)
Other than all this fake medicine shit, they seem to be an absolute scam. Many people paid and did their testing, and then never received their results! There were also some people who paid and never even got in the fucking door!
My mom found this place from Dr Phil. I really dislike Dr Phil. I don’t know what to do. We’ve already put down the $650 deposit. The whole thing is $8,000. Should I go through with it and hope it turns out well or back out? I’m pretty desperate at this point. | self.bipolar |
First time psychologist visit. I am a bit scared today I will visit a psychologist with my parents for the first time I am 22.I have a lot of trouble expressing myself especially to strangers will it be a problem to my session or will the psychologist guide me through the conversation | self.depression |
The person I thought I loved was slowly killing me So a boy and I finally ended things after beating around the bush for 6 months. He ruined my happiness I was constantly caught up with my emotions and worrying about whether he liked me or not. But now it’s over and I can finally breathe again. We tried to be friends but I still couldn’t do that and I told him that we could no longer do things together even as just friends. It feels so good to be back in control of my life. I am no longer second guessing myself all the time. I think that the tables may have turned and he is suffering from the same confusion I once felt. He played games with my life.... and he deserves to know the pain I endured and I hope he suffers in a similar way that I did. I know that’s not a great thing to do but I really wish the worst for him. | self.offmychest |
I don't think I deserve to live because I am a total freak I used to have these bizarre urges and fantasies to be violated by all sorts of things. I feel like a person who doesn't deserve to live because of them. I have never told anyone because it would be so shameful that I don't think I could carry on being in their lives.
I have spent months feeling ashamed of what I used to want to happen to me. I'm sure I was addicted to porn too. I find myself saying am I any better than a weinstein or a cosby, morally.
I have never, ever done anything to anyone without consent ever. I've never seen any child porn, nor have I ever even tried to look for it.
I want to walk in front of a train. I keep rationalising in my head how I should go. I want something quick, like a bullet to the head. | self.SuicideWatch |
I’m crying on NY Eve I’m having a quarter life crisis again. I hate my introverted and shy personality. And my depression and anxiety don’t help. I have quit a lot of things because of that mix and I haven’t accomplished the things I want to accomplish coz of it. I hate myself. I hate my life. I hope I wake up dead tomorrow. Happy new year! | self.depression |
Bipolar in hypomanic phase.. help Hi.. im bipolar and have been in a hypomanic state for a couple months.. i cant take the anxiety .. i feel like i cant breath i have chest pain i get panic attacks.. but a new symptom has started that scares me i have this feeling of claustrophobia.. it is so intense that i feel like i have to stretch and take my clothes... this is very scarey for me because it wakes me up and the only thing i can think that will make it better is to cut open my skin to make more roomAND I KNOW I CANT DO THAT!! I am not having hallucinations or dellusions and i am not actively psychotic.... just need advice | self.bipolar |
I chased a thief on foot last night. The emergency glass in the stairwell of my condo was broken, and the fire alarm went off, all lifts temporarily unusable.. I was in full panic mode, because my parents were stuck in one of the lifts..
The guards said to me someone was able to sneak in without an access card, and was trying to get out of the condo/residence grounds without a card.
When the fire alarm is tripped, all fire exits will be opened, no one can come in.. Everyone can go out.
There was no fire, but the guards confirmed it was a thief who stole something, and they caught him on CCTV.
It was a guy in a white shirt and black pants, holding a blue backpack.
So I got a drink and just enjoyed the breeze outside the reception, after making sure my parents were safe..
I saw the same guy caught on CCTV running like fuck down the back entrance road, his bag bouncing up and down..
I dropped my drink, shouted at the guards, pointing at him. Just so you know, I am a civilian with no experience in these things.
My instincts kicked in. Some part of me wanted to play hero and get the guy, but I hesitated.
The other part of me whipped out my flashlight, shining it at him.
I didn't know what to do. My brain was screaming at me, what the hell am I going to do..
I chased him for a bit, running and jumping over the benches, thinking I could nab him.. Then I slipped on a puddle of water, banged my elbow and knee up on a sharp corner of a water fountain... I could hear the bone crackling..
But, in a split second, I got up and resumed my chase, shining my flashlight at the thief and shouting at him..
I couldn't feel my heartbeat, the pain from the fall, I couldn't feel anything.
Then I got myself restrained by the guards, and they told me to head back home and stay home.. That it's their job..
I resisted, ran ahead slightly, and they grabbed me, shouted at me to stay.. Some of the guards were already on his tail..
I ran back to the lobby, ran upstairs and washed up.
I still couldn't feel my heartbeat. Or the pain.
I felt like I was in a dream, and the image of that thief running away from me kept replaying.. For the first time of my life, I felt the the affects of adrenaline and what it can do to your body..
Last night, I just felt numb in my sleep. No pain, although I felt something wet on my elbow. Blood, I guess.
I just limped to the kitchen and dressed my wounds up. Only now, do I feel the pain tearing through my bones.. My joints hurt and I sprained my back muscles from the fall.. And I still feel a little dreamy.. I caught a cold from the intense sweating..
I don't want to be involved in other's shit anymore. The guards were right.
The thief was caught and a machete was found in his backpack. | self.offmychest |
I just can’t take it anymore Oh god is this gonna be a mess to type out. I’ve struggled my with a whole array of different things for my whole life and it just gets too hard to keep on pushing. I want to die. I have a plan for if I wanted to do it, and if I wanted to I could do it at any time. I’m plagued by suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, and dysphoria (I’m trans). I feel worthless. I’ve been abused my whole life by my parents. When I was 7 my mom kicked me down a staircase. My parents always tell me that I’m fucked for the future, and I have trouble not believing them. I have no skills that would really help me in life. I’m completely hopeless, and trapped with them (I’m only 16). Nobody cares about me. I hate myself. I hate my body. I hate who I am. I just want a relief from all the pain. I want to be happy. Help. | self.SuicideWatch |
[DAE] have delayed psuedo-flashbacks? This feels similar to disassociation (I still feel plenty of that), but it's not quite like it. Best explanation I have is that I keep replaying short clips in my head involuntarily. But they could be from anything that happened within the past few minutes and doesn't obstruct me from going about my day. For example, I'm checking people into the hotel, but I'm mentally, replaying an earlier interaction in my head while still doing my job. Idk if I explained this in a coherent manner. Please ask if there's anything I could be clearer with. | self.Anxiety |
Loss of vision, couldn't walk. Was this an anxiety attack? It was my 21st birthday and a couple of friends came into town. We went out for dinner and I had 2-3 drinks. Afterwards, we smoked a bunch of pot. I am a regular smoker, but I smoked a decent amount that night so I was quite high. We decided to take the tram back, and that's when things started to feel weird. I had to pee quite bad, but I decided to hold it in. As I was sitting in the tram, facing the wrong direction, I started to get an anxious feeling. My vision started to gradually (very slowly) become blurry. At the time, I attributed it to being high and tired and having to pee - I was expecting it to simply pass. But I sounded the alarm bells when I look up at the screen that displays tram stops and I couldn't read the words anymore. I thought I was getting dizzy so I told my friends I needed to get off the tram. As soon as the tram stopped, which was within the next few moments. I proceeded to walk off it but only took a couple of steps before I lost control of my legs and was caught by my friend. They held on to me as I was trying to lie down, and at this point I realized I had almost completely lost my vision. Everything was a giant, white blur. I told them I really needed to pee, so they tried to carry me to a tree. I had no control over my body, but I was able to respond to them. I ended up peeing my pants before they could bring me to the tree. Then they sat me down, within seconds I regained vision and 'normal consciousness'. I still felt quite weird the rest of the night, but it was nothing like the episode I had experienced.
The next couple of days have been mostly normal. A large group of my friends were visiting so I had a good time, but that episode made me slightly anxious every now and then.
I have no prior history of anxiety disorder or mental illness. For all I know, this episode could have been anything or nothing, but I do remember feeling a strong sense of anxiety during the tram ride. At the time, I was attributing it to being a little paranoid on pot, so I wasn't concerned - until I started to lose my vision.
Has anyone heard of, or had, similar experiences? I'd be happy to provide more information if I can. I want to know if I can ignore this incident, unless something like this happens again, or if it is the symptom of a larger problem like an anxiety disorder. Thanks for taking the time to read. | self.Anxiety |
Help a college student! Examples of neurodiversity in science fiction TV? [deleted] | self.bipolar |
I talked to my insurance's crisis line today because of suicidal ideations and they offered the emergency room if I needed it. I wish I knew how much it cost. (I have kaiser). [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Despite Life Success, Therapy, and Medication; Anxiety is Still ruining my life and I'm afraid it will Kill me eventually Despite some very unlucky things in my life occurring back to back to back, I have almost every reason to feel at least OK. I am on a full scholarship for a PhD in molecular biology with a salary and health insurance, I own a small home, I'm an attractive and intelligent person, and I live in a great city. Despite this, and my regular therapy and medication, anxiety is still ruining my life. Along with the anxiety comes de-realization disorder and severe co-morbid depression, and I'm not sure I can handle being the high functioning individual that my career is demanding of me. I can't focus on a single thing, my brain is foggy pea soup, and I'm in a near constant state of panic over who knows what. My thoughts are cyclical and intrusive and on bad days it feels like I get no relief. I'm going through some med changes, and as mentioned some pretty bad things happened to be in short succession, but why can't I get back to being functional and focus more on the good? Maybe it's temporary and I'll figure it out with my doctor's help and a lot of grit and perseverance, but right now it feels like my life is over and I'm only 30. This is just a little rant, any perspective or even positive thoughts are appreciated. This thread has been helpful to me. | self.Anxiety |
I just want to die... I'm coming down from ecstasy. Been smoking pot non-stop all day. I haven't taken my haldol pills in about two weeks. I'm hallucinating, and just came out of an hour long severe psychotic episode. My boyfriend was no where to be found. Now he doesn't understand why I'm mad at him when he didn't answer me for 3+ hours when I've repeatedly reminded him of why randomly disappearing makes me anxious. Who knows. Maybe I'm just irrational. I am thinking about taking my life tonight. I'm going nowhere in life anyways. I can hear a girl's voice in my head over and over, telling me to come with her. I felt a taste of death earlier during my episode, it was beautiful and I'm going to thirst for it more than ever until I reach it. I am so tired of living in agony. I am never going to be happy. I am too screwed up of a human being, and I should have never even been brought into this earth. So many things would have went better for so many people if I had never existed. This existence is too painful. I want out. Please. | self.SuicideWatch |
Depression making me hate my job. I used to love it a few months ago, but now it's just full of anxiety and stress and I find myself putting in minimal effort.
I've been looking for other jobs, but I'm dreading the interview process and feel like I can't even do well anywhere else.
Sure sounds like Depression to me. I'm aware enough to notice it, but not to get over it. | self.depression |
Can someone explain to me why i should stay alive? [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Been struggling since I was young. It all started when I was young. At about 4 I was always left home alone. My parents would work and my aunt would pick up my sisters to watch them at her house, but left me home alone. I wasn't forgotten, but intentionally left behind. So naturally growing up I was rather introverted and developed crippling social anxiety. At it's worse I would become physically ill or frozen in social situations. Even when speaking to my family, I felt unwanted, unsafe, and unable to speak my mind, or sometime unable to just speak. At around 6 the abuse began. My parents divorced with my mother getting custody of me and my dad getting custody of my sisters. After a few months apart we all moved back in together for financial reasons and it was a toxic home. My parents fought every night. I'd hide during the day and cry at night, which prompted my dad to begin beating me. Later he started drinking heavily, adding alcoholism to the problems. One night he got so drunk he tried to strangle me because I couldn't tell my mother goodnight (my anxiety just left me speechless again and unable to tell her). He wrapped his hand around my throat, squeezed, and lifted me off the ground. Eventually he stopped and just let me drop before I lost conciousness. I left the house and ran as far as I could before some policemen found me and took me home. I tried to get out the words to explain to them what happened, but I couldnt speak. A few days later I mentioned it to my teacher at school. CPS visited my house. They never even tried to talk to me and did absolutely nothing. To this day my family bring up how I "made up" the story of my dad choking me and got CPS called to the house. Of course hr denies it, either from memory loss or just to protect himself. The cycle continues for 10 years. During which I attempted suicide once. I tried to drown myself in my aunts pool. She found me floating and called the paramedics. They resuscitated me and I told them it was an accident. Following graduation from high school I started my first job, which is where I made my first friends. One of which I cried my eyes out to and told her my story, including the suicide attempt. She just said "oh that sucks" and walked away. This is where I lost all faith in getting help. We remained friends for a year before I changed jobs. And went back to no friends and no social interaction. My emotions are boiling at this point in my life. Im angry, sad, suicidal, depressed, numb, complacent, and just barely making it through each day. Then my job shuts down for bankruptcy and I now live with my parents, spending day after day staring at my walls and ceiling. I lose about 20 pounds just because I dont even want to get out of bed to eat. Only doing so when it becomes truly painful from hunger. Looking back, I can't forgive my parents for watching on and doing nothing. They never even asked if I was alright. Not that I could answer truthfully if they did ask. Suicide attempt number 2 happens here. As a diabetic I attempted to overdose on insulin. But at my lowest I back out. I didnt check my blood sugar that night, I didnt want to know. All I could tell you was that I couldn't walk, and had to drag myself to my glucagon. Eventually I gain the strength to apply for jobs again and go through one job that I genuinely enjoyed but got fired from, and one I despised. This was all leading up to my most recent suicide attempt. December 2016 I attempt to slit my throat. My mother walks in as the blood runs down my neck, but Ive only made a 2 inch cut so far. I didnt do enough damage for anything more than a few stitches. At this point I finally decided I needed help. I get myself admitted to a psychiatric hospital. The first in a long time where I see my life actually getting better. I don't remember a happier time than when I was in that hospital. Sadly it didn't stay that way. Even with the meds I'm on (Prozak and Trileptal) and seeing a psychiatrist quarterly I feel like Im back to where I started. Between the hospital admittance and now I bought my first firearm. I had always been interested in them, and I hold very high respect for firearm safety, so even though I feel as though I'm becoming suicidal again I opted to let it go instead and sell it to my brother in law. Now Im unemployed again, still living with my parents, with the man who abused me physically and emotionally and the woman who watched on and just accepted it as it was, and I feel like I may be nearing my lowest. I don't have a plan or anything yet. I'm trying all that I can and using everything I've learned to keep my head above water right now. I know this post is extremely long, but I've been holding this all in for years and I finally decided to let it all out. | self.SuicideWatch |
It weird I am alive but I don't feel like am living! I don't get excited about anything that my friends get exited about it sucks | self.depression |
I hate people who say you need to open up more [deleted] | self.depression |
I fucking give up in life If anyone wants to attempt to help please do | self.SuicideWatch |
Dead in side for 21 years. No real life support. Someone talk to me, I guess. [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Ketamine Treatment Cost A while ago I had some questions about ketamine treatment. Feel free to review my posts if you feel so inclined.
I finally spoke to the finance people. In my state insurance won't cover the treatment, but will cover the ketamine lozenges you're supposed to take weekly as a prescription.
Total cost is $3,500 for total treatment. You may need multiple treatments a year. It's $3,000 if paid upfront, and they do provide access to one of the many medical only credit cards. Last time I had to use one it was 36% interest, so in other words taking advantage of the poor and the ill.
It has what they claim to be an 80% success rate, and you do stay on your meds, although your p-doc may lower them depending on response to treatment. I read the studies they sent me (along with my own) and I have a relative that helped analyze the data for the ketamine trials in D.C. Results are promising...for major depressive disorder, and PTSD. Although the studies and the brain scans suggested (yes, I know how to read those) efficacy with bipolar disorder the studies are limited. From what I've read it is about as effective at ECT.
I do not think this is snake oil. I'm leery of any cure-all, especially one with such a high rate of success.
I'm not saying do it or don't do it. Obviously that would have to be discussed with your medical provider, but as always, if you're poor, and you're American (at least in my part of the country) this is not accessible.
I'll be honest the thought of having symptom relief, if only for a little while had me in tears. After 20 years I'm tired of it. Unfortunately due to costs I will not be receiving this treatment. Just thought I would let you guys know.
Oh, and something else I read and spoke with the doctors about, the only effective administration of ketamine is IV. Nasal sprays and the like have proven as effective as placebos. If you're on those and they work for you great, I'm glad, keep it up, but there is no science to support it. As the end of the day all I care about is science. Without proof it's meaningless. That's what I get though for understanding and demanding analytical data. | self.bipolar |
Meeting my girlfriends parents for the first time. Sweet jesus. Went and got a table at the restaurant. Now just waiting for them show up. Trying to avoid going in to full on panic mode. | self.Anxiety |
Gun to the head, tears on the cheeks, blood on the hands, left alone in the darkness waiting for an end. | self.depression |
She will never love me. I love her so much, for six years I've been obsessed with her. I'll never be enough for her. She deserves better than me and I know we would never work but she is always in my mind and dreams. For the past 7 months, I have had a dream every night about her but they always turn into nightmares, I no longer want to go to sleep at night. She really is devastating me. She goes out with some asshole, who is a better than me I guess. I used to love music but every song now reminds me of her. I went out with another girl recently but I ended it quickly, as I couldn't focus on the girl as I was just constantly thinking of her. I cry myself to sleep every night and I want to die. I will never be with her and i cant stand it much longer. I want to die, When i die she may love me. - Just to note im not fully suicidal but it think it's getting there. | self.SuicideWatch |
I'm severery drunk and gonna try to slit my wrists tonigt [deleted] | self.SuicideWatch |
Why Can't I make myself do this? I have to write a protocol for work. I've known about it for weeks. I just stare at my computer screen and the anxiety builds. I go do something else...the anxiety builds. I go home. The anxiety follows. It grows as bed time nears. I manage to sleep with nightmares. I get out of bed...late for work again. That cycle repeats... | self.Anxiety |
Day in silence Not sleeping well and very tired but managed to get outside today for a walk.
A kid saw me, waved, and said hi.
I didn't even know how to formulate a word in response but I did manage a wave and a smile. I hope it was a smile anyway.
Spend enough time in silence and eventually your own voice startles you. | self.depression |
My best friend told me she's seeing someone and I realized I'm in love with her. I've known her since we were both seventeen. I'm twenty-two now. We're both women.
I've always had an inkling about this. There were times when I'd imagine what it would be like to live with her, be with her, marry her. I guess I was in denial about the entire thing because I never thought that this was abnormal and out of the confines of platonic love. I was a moron.
Yesterday she texted me right before I was getting on the bus to go to work. She's seeing someone and she's happy about it. I immediately felt a ball of dread drop in my stomach and I walked onto the bus in a daze. Halfway to work I started tearing up. I barely held it together.
I take a trail that cuts my walk time in half from the bus stop to my work. I ended up sobbing while walking on the trail. I had to stop to throw up. I was having an anxiety attack and was ten minutes late to work. I kept it together while at work, but the moment I left I started crying again.
I've never cried so hard in my life. I drank a bottle of wine and cried myself to sleep. I'm in pain. It feels like my physical body is on fire. My head hurts, my heart is full and my entire being burns.
I'm going to tell her tonight that I need to take a step back from our relationship. I can't process these feelings for her with her in my life. It hurts too much. I don't want to lose her--she's been the most important person in my life for a long time--but I can't be near her when I feel like I'm choking on my own feelings every time I even think about her. I need space and it makes me want to vomit thinking about having to give her up.
I've never been heartbroken before. In love, yes. Heartbroken, no.
Heartbreak sucks. | self.offmychest |
There's definitely something wrong, but I don't know what [deleted] | self.depression |
Ehhh, I think started a cult and i feel like shit about it Like I didn't really intend to, I thought I was just saying the truth. I don't know, like I'm being honest but maybe that's dangerous I don't know.
A part of me just wants to sequester myself. I enjoy helping ppl and feel good in doing so, but i feel like, I'm in that movie highlander and im coursing with all this power but I'm blind to the consequences.
Part of me thinks that I'm too dangerous and deserve to die; but at the same time I want to live and love and find the beauty in life.
It's almost like if I was hyper Manic and hypomanic at the same time, and I'm talking to myself just bouncing all over the world. | self.depression |
im so tired i have no friends. i havent made a friend in five years. i tried making friends online but no one really talks back to me. i been looking for a job and going to interviews but no one will hire me. im failing all my college classes. i dont feel passionate about my interest anymore. i cant drive. i cant even take care of myself and im too dependent on my parents. im about to be twenty in january. i never had sex or kissed anyone. i keep telling myself tomorrow is a new day yet im still right here. ive been trying to make things better. ive been going to therapy ive been put on meds. nothing changed ive been sent to the psych ward twice already. its over for me. im just tired. | self.depression |
So I had another job interview, what the actual fuck? I had a job interview here before on my other account (forgot the password, this is a different company though.)
Basically I get there early and it's a small place, they're interviewing another person. I overhear them and they hire that person basically... so I'm sitting there and wondering why I'm even still there.
They interview me anyway, waste 15 minutes of my time asking me to talk about my knowledge of their company and what I think I could contribute, then tell me that I don't have enough experience for the job. It was a fucking office assistant job. It's legitimately sending emails and getting coffee. How do I not have enough experience when I've done that for the past 3 years? I know the reason is that they just fucking hired someone else. In front of me. Why the fuck did they waste my time and lie to begin with?
Humans are legitimately disgusting. This doesn't even make me miserable, just angry at how people will lie to you and waste your time out of the "kindness" of their hearts. | self.depression |
I give up. Well now what do I do? My future is ruined, I have no one and nothing in the future and no one and nothing now. I’m a disappointment and a piece of shit. What’s the point anymore? I’m done. I have no motivation to keep going. I might as well just kill my self. It is the only way to make this stop. | self.depression |
I just bought a "love doll" for myself. I've never made a purchase like that, and I wonder if it means I'm weird. I don't want it for sex (well, not *just* for sex), but for physical touch, too. I'm by myself all the time and just having something to cuddle against would be nice.
Is that weird or freaky? I've posted about this on r/depression and r/morbidquestions and people have generally told me it could be very unhealthy, saying it could make relating to a real partner harder down the road. I don't know. I just wanted something new to experience. | self.SuicideWatch |
Its been nearly a week and I still feel like shit. what do you guys do to get outta this. I went out to drink until 7am, I have had a couple walks around parks and I've even been out with a couple friends for a meal but I still feel like shit. anyone got any idea on how I can be actually happy again. | self.depression |
i want a friend like an in real life friend. i have a couple friends online i guess but no one i can hug
fuck they don't even need to be an irl friend just someone that i can call and facetime and maybe one day visit i don't know
i'm so fucking lonely i don't know what to do i haven't had a friend in literally 10 years and my heart hurts. i just want SOMEONE. | self.depression |
Stuck at a Party I'm stuck at a party, talking to no one (obviously) and drinking slowly only to follow what everyone else is doing. I wanna get drunk but they don't and I have to walk back to my boyfriends after. Its so lonely, especially when you know these people, you just feel like an outcast that no one likes. Their my boyfriends friend and I like them, I just always feel lonely with them. I'm just utterly bored and saddened. | self.depression |
does Anyone Else Experience This? My anxiety has been insane lately, so much so that I've sought psychiatric help and start CBT therapy in two weeks time.
My latest symptom includes weird phantom pains around my body. I'll get headaches, chest discomfort, arm pain, gum pain, they all come and go. It's really weird.
Has anyone else had anything else like this? It's driving me nuts.
If so, how did you deal with it? | self.Anxiety |
anxiety fucks me up and then i stay sullen, angry and ruminate whole day fucked up morning | self.Anxiety |
If you've taken geodon (or other AP I guess), is this normal? Hi All,
I have been noticing that missed doses of Geodon are casuing withdrawal symptoms rather quickly. For example, I missed a few doses this weekend. It seems to me that if I miss a dose that withdrawal symptoms kick in before my next dose. I'm just not used to these symptoms happening so quickly after a missed dose. I know it has a short half life, but damn.
Anyone else? | self.bipolar |
my best friend told me she's in love with me and all I can do is cry She told me at 4am when we were drunk on the way home from a party. I was sobering up, and I sort of knew already from the past week or so, was noticing it a little bit, was getting worried about it a little bit but dismissed it as highly unlikely. My heart really dropped when she started to tell me. I love her, I absolutely love her and I think she's beautiful and incredible and we get along so well, and we may as well be soul mates but I'm not *in love* with her, I don't feel the way she's feeling and it kills me to see her cry about it while she's telling me that's she's been feeling like an idiot for months, because this whole time she's been trying to stop herself from catching feelings while we're casually hooking up every week after drinks, because I, an asshole, thinks its no big deal. I remember her telling me that she usually only has sex with people that she really has feelings for but I didn't catch on because I thought, "hey, we're best friends so that's cool, that's why she's comfortable with what we're doing", and her saying "I'm not going to be like [guy] and fall in love with [you] the most emotionally unavailable person I know" and now I don't know if that's awfully ironic or if it was just a lie at the time.
It kills me that the one thing that my best friend will cry about is caused by me and I cannot fix it. It kills me because she wants to talk about it with her best friend but that doesn't really work when it's about me and I can't even fulfill my role as a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold and I can't give her kisses or hugs because they hurt her more than they help. And it fucking kills me that sometimes when we were together and I was blissfully unaware and having the time of my life this was eating away at her a little bit inside, even the smallest bit.
One time she said to me that she liked me more than I liked her and I thought it was so ridiculous, because she has way more close friends than I do and I needed her as a friend way more than she needed me, and honestly its still not true because I really love her so much but now I get what she meant. She asked me to give her closure after telling me, to give her a definitive response so she could get this out of her system and I wanted so bad to tell her that I love her back the same way she does, I want so bad for her to be in love and happy with it because obviously that's what she deserves.
I'm terrified that I, as a notoriously slow reciprocator of feelings that after giving her her closure to help her move on that I will find out in another two months time that I'm the one that is hopelessly in love with her, and it will be far too late. There have been a couple brief moments when I considered that I might be falling for her but nothing is enough to warrant asking her to wait for me. I'm terrified that my response has locked in the fact that we now have to drift apart, for the sake of her healing, but I'm mostly terrified that we will drift too far and too long. I'm terrified that I will realise later on that all of this means that I'm in love with her right now, too, but I think at the core I know that is not the case, I'm just an asshole who is scared of missing out.
The night she told me, I let her have sex with me afterwards even though I didn't really want to because I couldn't bear saying no to her. It felt so different to every other time. I could feel the shift in our relationship the morning afterwards, really subtle but just every now and then there's a little hint of an odd feeling that was never there before. I'm so worried about the things I do, about hitting any nerves, and about being obvious about being worried or treating her any differently. The night she told me, I'd agreed that it could be something that we could discuss and then ignore the next day onward but it doesn't really work that way. I don't know what's going to happen. | self.offmychest |
I have to read this book but I just can’t focus. My depression took all the energy I had. I just had an argument with my mother about a stupid thing. I took her words very personal and lost all the energy I had. I am supposed to read a book but I don’t have the energy anymore. | self.depression |
Subsets and Splits