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How would you rate an average upholstery job upon completion? eh. sew-sew.
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Are we keeping score or promoting mideast peace?
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Here's how 'logan' got that one cheesy easter egg
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I haven't spoken a word to my wife in years. she hates to be interrupted.
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What is white and goes up? a stupid snowflake
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How much does the average introvert weigh? not enough to break the ice.
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A look at aubrey plaza's surprisingly sweet 'the to do list'
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Why does bill clinton wear underwear? to keep his ankles warm.
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Groomsman loses slap bet, pays for it during wedding ceremony
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Army soldier found dead in barracks on alaska military base
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Christmas must be a hard time for dyslexic children. they get their presents from satan.
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What happened when we went a week without an inbox
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Table talk: dirt can be good for you
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I want to call my daughter bellaillusions... because tricks are something a whore does for money.
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Princess lalla salma of morocco emerges as style star after dutch inauguration (photos)
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Just straight up lied to my dog's face (told him his breakfast looked delicious)
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Is spotify fair to musicians? a chat with mark kelly
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The first trailer for 'snowden,' starring joseph gordon-levitt, is practically a résumé
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'that was then, this is now': health advice from people who know
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My dreams are like dinosaurs.... all big and dead.
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Southern california finds itself waist-deep in mud after thunderstorms
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Father of colorado teen dylan redwine arrested for his son's 2012 death
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Should i let my baby cry to sleep? insights from developmental psychology for this age-old question
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Protests erupt as university looks to hire coach connected to sandusky abuse case
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Step inside salvador dali's surreal paintings with trippy vr video
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Damn girl are you the expiration date on my milk because i regret not paying attention to you
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What's the difference between organized crime and politics? one's organized.
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Who was the first carpenter ever? eve, she made adam's banana stand.
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Everyone's favorite superhero family is back in 'the incredibles 2' teaser
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What's tall, white and has ears? a mountain.
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Huffpost hill - democrats to save obamacare with stirring orator--pfffhahahaha
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Flailing trump suggests hillary clinton may have cheated on husband
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Why can't the porcelain king go to the bathroom? he was dethroned.
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What time do you go to the dentist? tooth-hurty.
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Egg, banana, and coconut: are gays more racist?
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Worrying vs. caring: do you know the difference?
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How many gay guys can you fit on a stool? 4 if you flip it upside down.
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The way over-the-counter drugs are regulated is a mess — and congress is ready to step in
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I think a group of white people should be called a brunch.
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When is the month when the most trees fall? sep-timber
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Why do blondes have big belly buttons? their boyfriends are also blonde.
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Sad dad left out of 12-year-old daughter's life
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Gop congressman: russian hackers 'merely did what the media should've done'
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Donald trump booed after telling jeb bush to pipe down
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This bath bomb was made for parents who just need a damn break
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Sometimes you need to look for the small positives in life. like a midget with hiv.
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What did the double-amputee say when he stood up? i stand corrected. -from /r/showerthoughts
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Why are the sheep in africa coloured pink? the elephants are using them as tampons
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Trump turns miners' lives into a game of russian roulette
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Hey, are you cold? go over to the corner, it's 90 degress
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5 ways to stop screwing up our kids
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I'm not an expert on masturbating but i hold my own
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Street style fashion week: the most exciting fashion from day 7 of nyfw fall 2014
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God grant me the patience to accept the people whose outfits i cannot change.
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Khizr khan has a few important questions for donald trump
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The news on north korea is spun again. here's why it matters. | the knife media
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Q: what's the shortest book ever written? a: french war heroes.
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Woman who fled aleppo for germany fears she will never see her home again
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Punishment not talking to your husband to punish him is like trying to kill a fish by drowning!
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3 flower headband lessons we've learned from katy perry (photos)
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Bailing after brexit: uk independence party leader farage quits
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What you need to know about the paris climate summit
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Photos from pakistan show the tragic aftermath of deadly lahore bombing
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What's the difference between light and hard? i can go to sleep with a light on.
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'rupaul's drag race all stars' is returning to vh1 for a third season
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Why i didn't feel like a 'real' mother until my kids hit middle school
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Trump's got a new hotel venture, but you didn't hear about it from him
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Maggie gyllenhaal's dress: love it or leave it? (photos)
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Why did god make farts smell? so that deaf people could enjoy them too.
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Don't try to squeeze love out of them, sweetie. they're people, not oranges.
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The nba is like a box of crayons... they don't use the white ones.
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Zelda williams shares hopeful message one year after robin williams' death
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Ncaa ban on paying athletes faces more threats
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Is changing the constitution the only way to fix washington?
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Oh look, the bills and colts played outside the wall in westeros
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Wen jones beating: arrests made in brutal attack on veteran protecting teen
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Why can't hillary clinton be called a female? because she deleted the emale.
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What do you have to do to have a party in space? you have to planet.
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'harry potter' proposal features quidditch box, hidden ring (photos)
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The average person eats 8 spiders a year *eating 2nd bowl of spiders* who's average now dad?
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What do you call a black guy that visits r/jokes regularly ? a masochist
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What do you mean i've had enough to drink?!! hold my beer while i fight this lamppost.
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This video game could change business school forever -- and it's actually fun
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George zimmerman is selling his gun i'm sure he'll make a killing.
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Facebook isn't addictive -- it just makes people happy
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Cyclists who don't obey street signs should have to wear their google search history on a t-shirt.
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'true blood' star sounds off on co-star's alleged refusal to play gay role
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Yo mama so old, when she farted dust came out!
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Weekend diy ideas: 8 easy ways to improve your home in 2 days (photo)
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Here's how an american bakery became the third-best restaurant in paris
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In somalia, new law could finally give rape survivors a voice
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Why don't they let blind people sky dive? it scares the shit out the dogs.
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At least my mother died doing what she loved... committing suicide
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Dehydrator recipes: put this kitchen appliance to use (photos)
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How many depressed people does it take to screw in a light bulb? who cares...
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'more questions than answers' after 2 lions poached at animal sanctuary
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Did you know that christmas will fall on star wars day this year!? guess whos coming to town?
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The obamas are coming to your netflix queue
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My girl's got the dubstep of periods... i'm waiting forever for it to drop
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Adrian grenier says he might run for office one day
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