MichaelOrme/Profane · Datasets at Hugging Face

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You're mad. Why are you mad?	I'm not mad. I'm in a fucking great mood. Despite the fact that I'm trapped in a fat suit I can't take off, despite the fact that everyone is making fun of me behind my back, despite the fact that your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday...
I'm not mad. I'm in a fucking great mood. Despite the fact that I'm trapped in a fat suit I can't take off, despite the fact that everyone is making fun of me behind my back, despite the fact that your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday...	Katrina's not my girlfriend! And I doubt she was actually giving you the stinkeye. She just looks like that all the time.
That's not how our thing works! I hurl the accusations and you talk me down, remember?	Not this time. You don't have any reason to be mad at me. You broke my heart. I should be royally ticked at you, man. I should be really cheesed off. I shouldn't want to talk to you anymore.
Not this time. You don't have any reason to be mad at me. You broke my heart. I should be royally ticked at you, man. I should be really cheesed off. I shouldn't want to talk to you anymore.	Why? Because I got bored and had sex with you one day, and then I didn't, like, marry you?
Why? Because I got bored and had sex with you one day, and then I didn't, like, marry you?	Like I'd marry you! You would be the meanest wife of all time. And anyway, I know you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV. The Blair Witch Project was on Starz, and you were like, "Oh, I want to watch this, but we should make out instead. La la la."
Like I'd marry you! You would be the meanest wife of all time. And anyway, I know you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV. The Blair Witch Project was on Starz, and you were like, "Oh, I want to watch this, but we should make out instead. La la la."	Forget it, Bleek. Take Katrina the Douche Packer to the prom. I'm sure you guys will have a really bitchin' time!
Forget it, Bleek. Take Katrina the Douche Packer to the prom. I'm sure you guys will have a really bitchin' time!	Yeah, well... I still have your underwear.
Yeah, well... I still have your underwear.	I still have your virginity!
I still have your virginity!	Oh my God, SHUT UP!
Oh my God, SHUT UP!	What? Are you ashamed that we did it?
What? Are you ashamed that we did it?	No...
No...	Well at least you don't have to walk around with the evidence under your sweater. I'm a planet!
Did you put like a hundred things of Tic Tacs in my mailbox?	Yeah. That was me.
Yeah. That was me.	Why?
Why?	Because they're your fave. And you can never have too much of your favorite one-calorie breath mint.
Because they're your fave. And you can never have too much of your favorite one-calorie breath mint.	Well... thanks. I think I'm pretty much set until college on the Tic Tac front.
Well... thanks. I think I'm pretty much set until college on the Tic Tac front.	You know, I've been thinking. I'm really sorry I was such a huge bitch to you. You didn't deserve that. You never deserve any of the poo I unload on you.
You know, I've been thinking. I'm really sorry I was such a huge bitch to you. You didn't deserve that. You never deserve any of the poo I unload on you.	You know it's okay.
You know it's okay.	Also, I think I'm in love with you.
Also, I think I'm in love with you.	What, you mean as friends?
What, you mean as friends?	No, for real. I think you are the coolest person I've ever met. And you don't even have to try.
No, for real. I think you are the coolest person I've ever met. And you don't even have to try.	I try really hard, actually...
I try really hard, actually...	No, you're naturally smart. You always think of the funniest things to do. Remember when you passed me that postcard during Spanish class, and it was addressed like, "Junebug MacGuff, Row 4, Third Seat From the Blackboard"? And it said, "I'm having fun in Barcelona -- wish you were here"? That was hilarious.
No, you're naturally smart. You always think of the funniest things to do. Remember when you passed me that postcard during Spanish class, and it was addressed like, "Junebug MacGuff, Row 4, Third Seat From the Blackboard"? And it said, "I'm having fun in Barcelona -- wish you were here"? That was hilarious.	I was just bored. I only think school is awesome like, 80% of the time.
I was just bored. I only think school is awesome like, 80% of the time.	Plus, you're the only person who doesn't stare at my stomach all the fucking time. You actually look at my face. And every time I look at you, the baby starts kicking me super hard.
Plus, you're the only person who doesn't stare at my stomach all the fucking time. You actually look at my face. And every time I look at you, the baby starts kicking me super hard.	It does?
Wizard!	I think it's because my heart starts pounding when I see you.
I think it's because my heart starts pounding when I see you.	Mine too.
Mine too.	Basically, I'm completely smitten with you, and I don't care if I'm making an ass out of myself right now, because you've seen me make an ass out of myself a million times, and you still want to be my friend.
Basically, I'm completely smitten with you, and I don't care if I'm making an ass out of myself right now, because you've seen me make an ass out of myself a million times, and you still want to be my friend.	Well, yeah. You're the best friend I've ever had, even when you're being kind of evil.
Well, yeah. You're the best friend I've ever had, even when you're being kind of evil.	That's all I need from you. That's more than I could ever ask for. You're just golden, dude.
That's all I need from you. That's more than I could ever ask for. You're just golden, dude.	Can we make out now?
Can we make out now?	Okay.
What? I'm not made of stone.	Well, there we have it. Would you like to know the sex?
They could be utterly negligent. Maybe they'll do a far shittier job of raising a kid than my dumbass stepdaughter ever would. Have you considered that?	No... I guess not.
No... I guess not.	What is your job title, exactly?
What is your job title, exactly?	Excuse me?
Excuse me?	I said, what-is-your-job-title, Missy?
I said, what-is-your-job-title, Missy?	I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am.
I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am.	Well I'm a nail technician, and I think we both ought to stick to what we know.
Well I'm a nail technician, and I think we both ought to stick to what we know.	What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?	You think you're special because you get to play Picture Pages up there?
Where the hell have you been, Junebug?	I drove to St. Cloud to show Mark and Vanessa the ultrasound. And I wound up staying for a couple of hours.
I drove to St. Cloud to show Mark and Vanessa the ultrasound. And I wound up staying for a couple of hours.	A couple of hours? Why are you going up there in the first place?
A couple of hours? Why are you going up there in the first place?	They said they wanted to know about this stuff. They said to keep them updated, so I did!
They said they wanted to know about this stuff. They said to keep them updated, so I did!	You could have sent it to them. Why would you drive an hour out to East Jesus, Nowhere?
You could have sent it to them. Why would you drive an hour out to East Jesus, Nowhere?	I don't know, I just did. And while we were waiting for Vanessa, Mark and I watched The Wizard of Gore and he burned me some CDs of weird music. He's kind of cool.
Shit. Hey, can we give my kid the damn spinal tap already?	It really didn't hurt that bad having him.
Why aren't you at work?	I mostly work from home. I'm a composer.
I mostly work from home. I'm a composer.	No shit. Like Johannes Brahms?
No shit. Like Johannes Brahms?	No, more commercial stuff.
No, more commercial stuff.	Like what?
Like what?	Commercials.
Commercials.	Oh.
Oh.	Have you seen those ads for Titanium Power men's deodorant?
Have you seen those ads for Titanium Power men's deodorant?	Titanium Power! Get more snatch by the batch!
Titanium Power! Get more snatch by the batch!	I wrote that.
I wrote that.	You're kind of a sellout, aren't you? What would the Melvins say?
You're kind of a sellout, aren't you? What would the Melvins say?	They'd say you came a long way out here not knowing if anyone would be home.
Wow, I actually feel like less of a fat dork now.	Most Fruitful Yuki is bad ass, man. You should be proud to be the same condition.
What?	I actually know this one.
I actually know this one.	You do?
You do?	Yeah, this song's older than me, if you can believe that. I danced to it at my senior prom.
Yeah, this song's older than me, if you can believe that. I danced to it at my senior prom.	That's almost interesting, Mark. Who did you dance with?
That's almost interesting, Mark. Who did you dance with?	Her name was Cynthia Vogel and she was a good dance partner. Even let me put my hands on her butt.
Her name was Cynthia Vogel and she was a good dance partner. Even let me put my hands on her butt.	Oh man, I can just picture you slow dancing like a dork!
No.	No?
No?	No. No, you definitely cannot do that, Mark. That's a big, fat sack of no!
No. No, you definitely cannot do that, Mark. That's a big, fat sack of no!	What's the matter?
What's the matter?	This isn't what we agreed on. You guys have to take care of... this! You are the chosen custodians of the big-ass bump!
Would you like some free condoms? They're boysenberry.	No thank you. I'm off sex.
No thank you. I'm off sex.	My partner uses these every time we have intercourse. They make his balls smell like pie.
My partner uses these every time we have intercourse. They make his balls smell like pie.	Congrats.
What?!	Either I just pissed my pants or...
Either I just pissed my pants or...	Or...
Or...	Thundercats are go!
So, you were bored? Is that how this blessed miracle came to be?	Nah, it was a premeditated act. The sex, I mean, not getting pregnant.
Nah, it was a premeditated act. The sex, I mean, not getting pregnant.	When did you decide you were going to do Bleeker?
When did you decide you were going to do Bleeker?	Like, a year ago, in Spanish class.
Look at this one "Wholesome, spiritually wealthy couple have found true love with each other." "All that's missing is your bastard."	There's a guy in here who's giving away a piano. Free for the hauling! We should put it in Bleeker's yard.
There's a guy in here who's giving away a piano. Free for the hauling! We should put it in Bleeker's yard.	You're not listening to me.
You're not listening to me.	No, I heard you. I just can't give the baby to people who describe themselves as "wholesome." I'm looking for something a little edgier.
No, I heard you. I just can't give the baby to people who describe themselves as "wholesome." I'm looking for something a little edgier.	What did you have in mind, a family of disturbed loners who are into gunplay and incest?
What did you have in mind, a family of disturbed loners who are into gunplay and incest?	I was thinking a graphic designer, mid-thirties, and his cool Asian wife who dresses awesome and plays bass. But I'm trying to not be too particular.
I was thinking a graphic designer, mid-thirties, and his cool Asian wife who dresses awesome and plays bass. But I'm trying to not be too particular.	All right, how about this one? "Healthy, educated couple seeking infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love."
All right, how about this one? "Healthy, educated couple seeking infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love."	Yeesh, they sound like a cult. Besides, they're greedy bitches. They already have three kids!
Yeesh, they sound like a cult. Besides, they're greedy bitches. They already have three kids!	Hey, Juno. Juno! Look at this one.
Did you hear Bleek is going to prom with Katrina De Voort?	Katrina? Pfft, no way. He doesn't like Katrina. It must be a pity date.
Katrina? Pfft, no way. He doesn't like Katrina. It must be a pity date.	He asked her. I heard they were going to Benihana, then the prom, then to Vijay's parents' cabin.
He asked her. I heard they were going to Benihana, then the prom, then to Vijay's parents' cabin.	Bleeker told me Katrina's whole house reeks of soup!
Bleeker told me Katrina's whole house reeks of soup!	Oh, it totally does. I was there for her birthday about four years ago and it was like Lipton Landing. But you know, boys have endured worse things for nookie.
Oh, it totally does. I was there for her birthday about four years ago and it was like Lipton Landing. But you know, boys have endured worse things for nookie.	There's no way in hell they're having sex or even holding hands.
There's no way in hell they're having sex or even holding hands.	I wouldn't be so sure about that. He did it with you. He's a man now.
I wouldn't be so sure about that. He did it with you. He's a man now.	Yeah, well, Bleek trusted me. We're best friends.
Yeah, well, Bleek trusted me. We're best friends.	Are you jealous? I thought you said you didn't care what he did.
Are you jealous? I thought you said you didn't care what he did.	I'm not jealous, and I don't care. I just know he doesn't like Katrina and I don't think he should toy with her emotions like that. She seems so nice and all.
I'm not jealous, and I don't care. I just know he doesn't like Katrina and I don't think he should toy with her emotions like that. She seems so nice and all.	Okay Juno, I'm really convinced.
Okay Juno, I'm really convinced.	Prom is for wenises, anyway. Once you're old enough to go, it's not cool anymore.
You know... I read once... Ain't nothin' on that big old moon 'cept some old golf balls those astronauts left behind.	Bull. That ain't right... Government sends people there all the time, just don't want us to know about it.
What the hell is this stuff?	It's Chinese food. It was the only place open. You said you was starving, you'd eat anyth...

You're mad. Why are you mad?

I'm not mad. I'm in a fucking great mood. Despite the fact that I'm trapped in a fat suit I can't take off, despite the fact that everyone is making fun of me behind my back, despite the fact that your little girlfriend gave me the stinkeye in art class yesterday...

Katrina's not my girlfriend! And I doubt she was actually giving you the stinkeye. She just looks like that all the time.

That's not how our thing works! I hurl the accusations and you talk me down, remember?

Not this time. You don't have any reason to be mad at me. You broke my heart. I should be royally ticked at you, man. I should be really cheesed off. I shouldn't want to talk to you anymore.

Why? Because I got bored and had sex with you one day, and then I didn't, like, marry you?

Like I'd marry you! You would be the meanest wife of all time. And anyway, I know you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV. The Blair Witch Project was on Starz, and you were like, "Oh, I want to watch this, but we should make out instead. La la la."

Forget it, Bleek. Take Katrina the Douche Packer to the prom. I'm sure you guys will have a really bitchin' time!

Yeah, well... I still have your underwear.

I still have your virginity!

Oh my God, SHUT UP!

What? Are you ashamed that we did it?

No...

Well at least you don't have to walk around with the evidence under your sweater. I'm a planet!

Did you put like a hundred things of Tic Tacs in my mailbox?

Yeah. That was me.

Why?

Because they're your fave. And you can never have too much of your favorite one-calorie breath mint.

Well... thanks. I think I'm pretty much set until college on the Tic Tac front.

You know, I've been thinking. I'm really sorry I was such a huge bitch to you. You didn't deserve that. You never deserve any of the poo I unload on you.

You know it's okay.

Also, I think I'm in love with you.

What, you mean as friends?

No, for real. I think you are the coolest person I've ever met. And you don't even have to try.

I try really hard, actually...

No, you're naturally smart. You always think of the funniest things to do. Remember when you passed me that postcard during Spanish class, and it was addressed like, "Junebug MacGuff, Row 4, Third Seat From the Blackboard"? And it said, "I'm having fun in Barcelona -- wish you were here"? That was hilarious.

I was just bored. I only think school is awesome like, 80% of the time.

Plus, you're the only person who doesn't stare at my stomach all the fucking time. You actually look at my face. And every time I look at you, the baby starts kicking me super hard.

It does?

Wizard!

I think it's because my heart starts pounding when I see you.

Mine too.

Basically, I'm completely smitten with you, and I don't care if I'm making an ass out of myself right now, because you've seen me make an ass out of myself a million times, and you still want to be my friend.

Well, yeah. You're the best friend I've ever had, even when you're being kind of evil.

That's all I need from you. That's more than I could ever ask for. You're just golden, dude.

Can we make out now?

Okay.

What? I'm not made of stone.

Well, there we have it. Would you like to know the sex?

They could be utterly negligent. Maybe they'll do a far shittier job of raising a kid than my dumbass stepdaughter ever would. Have you considered that?

No... I guess not.

What is your job title, exactly?

Excuse me?

I said, what-is-your-job-title, Missy?

I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am.

Well I'm a nail technician, and I think we both ought to stick to what we know.

What are you talking about?

You think you're special because you get to play Picture Pages up there?

Where the hell have you been, Junebug?

I drove to St. Cloud to show Mark and Vanessa the ultrasound. And I wound up staying for a couple of hours.

A couple of hours? Why are you going up there in the first place?

They said they wanted to know about this stuff. They said to keep them updated, so I did!

You could have sent it to them. Why would you drive an hour out to East Jesus, Nowhere?

I don't know, I just did. And while we were waiting for Vanessa, Mark and I watched The Wizard of Gore and he burned me some CDs of weird music. He's kind of cool.

Shit. Hey, can we give my kid the damn spinal tap already?

It really didn't hurt that bad having him.

Why aren't you at work?

I mostly work from home. I'm a composer.

No shit. Like Johannes Brahms?

No, more commercial stuff.

Like what?

Commercials.

Oh.

Have you seen those ads for Titanium Power men's deodorant?

Titanium Power! Get more snatch by the batch!

I wrote that.

You're kind of a sellout, aren't you? What would the Melvins say?

They'd say you came a long way out here not knowing if anyone would be home.

Wow, I actually feel like less of a fat dork now.

Most Fruitful Yuki is bad ass, man. You should be proud to be the same condition.

What?

I actually know this one.

You do?

Yeah, this song's older than me, if you can believe that. I danced to it at my senior prom.

That's almost interesting, Mark. Who did you dance with?

Her name was Cynthia Vogel and she was a good dance partner. Even let me put my hands on her butt.

Oh man, I can just picture you slow dancing like a dork!

No.

No?

No. No, you definitely cannot do that, Mark. That's a big, fat sack of no!

What's the matter?

This isn't what we agreed on. You guys have to take care of... this! You are the chosen custodians of the big-ass bump!

Would you like some free condoms? They're boysenberry.

No thank you. I'm off sex.

My partner uses these every time we have intercourse. They make his balls smell like pie.

Congrats.

What?!

Either I just pissed my pants or...

Or...

Thundercats are go!

So, you were bored? Is that how this blessed miracle came to be?

Nah, it was a premeditated act. The sex, I mean, not getting pregnant.

When did you decide you were going to do Bleeker?

Like, a year ago, in Spanish class.

Look at this one "Wholesome, spiritually wealthy couple have found true love with each other." "All that's missing is your bastard."

There's a guy in here who's giving away a piano. Free for the hauling! We should put it in Bleeker's yard.

You're not listening to me.

No, I heard you. I just can't give the baby to people who describe themselves as "wholesome." I'm looking for something a little edgier.

What did you have in mind, a family of disturbed loners who are into gunplay and incest?

I was thinking a graphic designer, mid-thirties, and his cool Asian wife who dresses awesome and plays bass. But I'm trying to not be too particular.

All right, how about this one? "Healthy, educated couple seeking infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love."

Yeesh, they sound like a cult. Besides, they're greedy bitches. They already have three kids!

Hey, Juno. Juno! Look at this one.

Did you hear Bleek is going to prom with Katrina De Voort?

Katrina? Pfft, no way. He doesn't like Katrina. It must be a pity date.

He asked her. I heard they were going to Benihana, then the prom, then to Vijay's parents' cabin.

Bleeker told me Katrina's whole house reeks of soup!

Oh, it totally does. I was there for her birthday about four years ago and it was like Lipton Landing. But you know, boys have endured worse things for nookie.

There's no way in hell they're having sex or even holding hands.

I wouldn't be so sure about that. He did it with you. He's a man now.

Yeah, well, Bleek trusted me. We're best friends.

Are you jealous? I thought you said you didn't care what he did.

I'm not jealous, and I don't care. I just know he doesn't like Katrina and I don't think he should toy with her emotions like that. She seems so nice and all.

Okay Juno, I'm really convinced.

Prom is for wenises, anyway. Once you're old enough to go, it's not cool anymore.

You know... I read once... Ain't nothin' on that big old moon 'cept some old golf balls those astronauts left behind.

Bull. That ain't right... Government sends people there all the time, just don't want us to know about it.

What the hell is this stuff?

It's Chinese food. It was the only place open. You said you was starving, you'd eat anyth...