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losing weight healthily?
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I (21F) would like to lose weight. Right now I’m 5’0” and around 160lbs. At my lowest I was 106 at the same height, but I couldn’t get below that. I would like to get to 125/130 preferably. I’ve been trying to drink less soda and eat one salad a day since my vegetable intake is nonexistent (I know this isn’t enough to lose a lot of weight it was just a step in the right direction). In the past when I was at my lowest I was very strict, had unhealthy habits and was obsessively checking the scale and never thought I lost enough, so I’m worried that my mentality (especially since I have OCD) could become obsessive again, but I want to make a strong effort to lose weight. What other areas can I improve upon to go towards my goal? Thanks all!
| 3 |
How can we embrace vulnerability and dare to step into the arena of life, knowing that perfection and invincibility are illusions, and instead, embrace the courage to be seen and engage fully?
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Vulnerability goes beyond the realms of victory or defeat; it encompasses the essentiality of both. It demands active involvement and wholehearted commitment.
Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. The uncertainties, risks, and emotional exposure we encounter daily are not optional choices. Instead, our decision lies in how we embrace them. The extent to which we embrace and acknowledge our vulnerability determines the strength of our courage and the clarity of our purpose. Conversely, shielding ourselves from vulnerability reflects our fears and disconnection.
If we spend our lives waiting for perfection or invincibility before stepping into the arena, we inevitably sacrifice valuable relationships and irreplaceable opportunities. We squander our precious time and turn away from the unique gifts and contributions that are uniquely ours.
The allure of perfection and invulnerability may be tempting, but they do not exist in the realm of human experience. We must muster the courage to enter the arena, be it a new relationship, a crucial meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation. We must approach these situations with bravery and a willingness to engage. Rather than observing from the sidelines, passing judgment and offering advice, we must dare to show up and allow ourselves to be seen.
This is vulnerability. This is embracing the audacity of living fully.
| 5 |
This girl......
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OK so I(M19) will try to be straight enough with this. Befriended this girl(F19) we came in the same tution 4 years ago, were good friends, suddenly got feelings for her, confessed her, she rejected, her behaviour towards me changed after, I got panicked and told that I didn't had any feelings for her because I thought she will spread it in coaching center which she promised she won't, she got mad she threatened me that she will make me get kicked/boycott out of the center, blocked me, and it went all downhill, she didn't do it tho(someone manipulated her in thinking that I am creep) . She tried to make me jealous with a random boyfriend days after and i didn't give a fuck about the guy was like he will beat me up while he was far shorter than me and I could do the opposite. I refused to talk to him either. One thing I wanna add up is during all this she sometimes waved to me and tried to have a mini convo (idk if this info is relevant but still). We were done with our session and I never saw her again.
After Few months she unblocked me I texted her and apologised,she forgived, tried to convince her to get over all that what had happened and become friends, it didn't work I mean there were no efforts coming... Again stopped talking to not waste my and hers time and not destroy my self respect but one day I texted her from my main account she blocked me out of the blue... but I used to miss her alot I wished her for her birthday last year (no replies)
I saw her TODAY AFTER 4 LONG years , we both made eye contacts but I didn't had the guts to wave her or something because of my PTSD (idk whether she recognised me because obviously I have changed immensely facially and physically) what do you all advice me? Should I try to talk to her again? Should I try to make things back as they were? Should I try to be a far better person and try to improve my impression in her eyes? I don't have feelings for her but she was quite a good, Frank and a cheerful friend. It was good when we both used to laugh and make jokes
Edit : it's not that I forcefully want to be with her or still have feelings for her I have completely moved on its the past that minds me and my sole reason to get back as friends with her is to convince myself that she doesn't think I am the same as I was 4 years ago.
| 0 |
How do I become more well rounded, get better grades and still maintain a social life and be happy like some of my peers who I look up to?
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Some peers of my are extremely good students with high GPAs who also are very active in clubs, have social lives, party occasionally and are still extremely well rounded with extracurriculars. My hs grades were not the best but I am inclined to believe that I am above average intelligence and even some of my peers who are able to do all this have told me my analytical skills and my eagerness and curiousity to learn and better myself are rlly good qualities I have but I still don’t know how I can be better bc my grades suffer and I still feel like I can do much better. The past few years I didn’t rlly put my full effort and when I did study, it would rarely be for more than an hour the night before. I finished HS with about a 94 GPA but it wasn’t below 95 for a single quarter since 10th grade and my SAT score wasn’t the best. My question is how do these top students in my grade, that I personally know do stuff other than studying, able to do so well while still enjoying their lives and making time for other extracurriculars and being well rounded and social. I start college in the fall and I’m looking to get into dental school (specifically ideally unc or UConn if I can get in) and I really want to be strive to be more like these students because I think what they do is amazing. One thing I suspect could be one of the biggest problems for me that prevented this is too much phone time, I’ve averaged above 8 hours most days for the past 3 years and I would also appreciate some advice on cutting that down as well if possible. So any advice on becoming more intelligent, well rounded and exceptional helping me succeed overall in the future and be more like some of my peers who I look up to would be greatly appreciated.
| 3 |
i just can’t commit?
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I (21F) have difficulty with commitment. I want to do some jobs online to earn money but I don’t apply for any bc I worry I’ll feel caged in and won’t be able to commit. When I meet new friends and they show interest in being friends as well I get uncomfortable and again retreat. Anything I can do about this? It’s interfering with my life so any help is appreciated!
| 11 |
I am too rich for my own good.
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My overprotective, anxious parents supported me financially throughout my time at university, despite me begging them not to and wanting to fend for myself. I was (am) a lazy, procrastinating person who can only do things if it's a matter of life and death, and I knew I needed to be thrown in the water to learn to take care of myself and hustle in life. I also strongly felt that, unless I was fully independent, I couldn't have personal dignity and nothing I did in life would count.
My worst predictions came true. Though I got jobs in later years of college (I had a job for 1.5 years out of the 5 I spent in college - I repeated one year that's why it's 5, not 4), having my parents' money prevented me from taking my life into my own hands because I could always fall back on their support. I graduated university with shitty grades because I had mixed feelings about my degree; part of me enjoyed it, the other part of me felt like I was doing it out of an obligation to my parents to do a "serious" degree. I never fully made the choice to either commit it to this career or drop out and do the less practical thing I actually wanted to do. I am now applying to minimum wage hospitality jobs, but even here I lack experience and am frankly not charismatic, lively or hardworking enough to be successful.
My parents have stopped sending me money, but I have enough in my bank account now for me to survive a year without work on a modest budget and living with roommates (they refused to stop paying when I told them I have enough). I feel like the money has removed any sense of urgency, drive, intensity and dignity in my own life decisions. I feel like it is not mine to give away to charity, and I do not feel entitled to it enough to splurge on hedonistic pursuits or invest into something stable like a mortgage. It is simply hanging over me, inhibiting every decision, and I wish it wasn't there.
How do I get out of this/reckon with it?
| 0 |
General Discussion Thread — June 26 – July 02
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Feel free to share any and all requests, success stories, or other thoughts you feel are helpful to others.
Please be mindful of rules 1 and 2 while posting.
Rule 1: Be civil/respectful
>Be civil and respectful. This is a support site. Be kind to one another. Harassment is a insta-ban, so think twice before engaging in any. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Rule 2: Stay on topic
>All posts must be about getting better. This means all posts must either be direct requests for advice, sharing advice, or sharing progress. Your submission may be removed if the advice you are sharing or requesting is not clear enough, or if your post lacks any potential to benefit another person.
| 2 |
Seeking Advice: 19M Feeling Useless and Struggling to Find Online Opportunities
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Hey, Reddit! I'm a 19-year-old guy who's feeling pretty lost right now. I'll be honest—I don't have any standout academic skills or talents, except for being fluent in English. And let me tell you, that alone hasn't been enough to secure a job or any online opportunities that can help me earn quickly. I'm at a point where I need to bear my daily expenses, continue my studies, and even pay off some debts.
I've been grinding hard for the past month, desperately trying to find some online gigs or opportunities, but nothing seems to be going right for me. It's incredibly frustrating, and I'm starting to lose hope. I'm here today to seek advice and guidance from the amazing Reddit community.
Have any of you been in a similar situation before? How did you overcome it? What avenues or resources did you explore to find online work or opportunities to earn money? Any suggestions, ideas, or success stories would be immensely appreciated.
I understand that success doesn't happen overnight, but I'm willing to put in the time and effort. Whether it's freelance writing, online tutoring, or anything else that doesn't require specialized skills, I'm open to exploring various options. I just need something that can help me start earning as soon as possible.
Additionally, if any of you have tips on how to improve my marketability online or any courses I can take to enhance my skill set, I'm all ears. I'm ready to learn and grow in any way I can.
Thank you in advance for your support, Reddit. Your collective wisdom and experiences might just be the guiding light I need to turn things around. I believe that with your help, I can find the opportunities I've been searching for and create a better future for myself
| 1 |
How do you advocate for your self worth in your workplace?
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How do you advocate for yourself at your work place?
Its a difficult position when you're a junior (but not too junior) and your superiors instructs you to undertake tasks outside of your job description.
Honestly, I didn't obtain my law degree with 5 years of legal experience to be doing secretarial work like taking down minutes for a meeting where I'm invited on paper as a member of quorum, serving coffee to VIPs etc, all these while I'm attending to actual legal work.
Nothing wrong with secretarial work, but I would just like to be at least respected for a job role I'm paid for on paper.
It's a fine line indeed between being entitled and knowing your worth. It's one that I'm having a difficult time discerning.
| 81 |
I haven't started by now
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I honestly are sorry because i havent really changed by now, even though this community gave me advice and the fact that i said i will do so.
I want to start once and for all today and have settled more sustainable goals by now.
I planned to post once a week about my Progress on her.
Edit : I honestly felt bad and wanted to be more honest with myself by making this post.
Im sorry if its a bit unfitting.
Also i just saw that this post had quite some spelling mistakes, im sorry about that.
| 6 |
How do I motivate myself to fix my daily schedule?
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I’ve been through the ringer the last few years after getting out of an abusive situation, dealing with a chronic condition while attending school, and losing my wallet most recently. Despite this I want to try to start dating again in the future, and I’d really think it would help me if I’d fix my scheduling. Only problem is I have severe burnout atm. I get tired and delirious often with brain fog due to my chronic pain and I’m trying to figure out how to make strides forward without overdoing it. Especially because the field i’m getting into has a lot of emotional burnout involved.
I’n the past I’ve been able to deal with these issues through pure grit and scheduling, but i think my mind and physical distress have been getting worse because of the abusive situation I was in recently (I am seeing a doctor and a therapist atm though) My environment has very little structure so it’s up to me to motivate myself. I have a gym member ship and my friend offered me to head to running group so theirs that. I’ve headed over about 4 times a month; but want to try to bring myself bi weekly to do emotional regulation. I barely have any energy and motivation to take care of myself by making my own food when I can, and cleaning my room; It’s pretty bad. I also have intrusive thoughts about “being too much of a baby”, ”being too lazy”, and “being hopeless”, which doesn’t help but I’ve been trying to change my through th through DBT. Anyone whose been in a similar situation have any tips? Thanks.
| 3 |
Advice on building a routine and following it consistently
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Hey Everyone,
I hope you're all doing well. I wanted to reach out to this amazing community for some guidance and advice on an issue that has been holding me back: building and following a consistent routine that covers work, health, finance, and relationships. The challenge I face is maintaining consistency and making my efforts stick long enough to become habitual.
I've tried various strategies, such as setting goals, making a daily schedule, productivity apps, you name it but unfortunately, I haven't been able to follow through consistently. I've also tried reading self help books on how to build habits or be disciplined but either I get bored of them or I find something else that intrigues me and I leave them half read. It's frustrating because I genuinely want to be more disciplined and make positive changes in my life.
To provide some context, I've been diagnosed with ADHD, specifically executive dysfunction. This condition often makes it difficult for me to organize and follow through on tasks, especially those that require sustained focus and consistency. I'm aware that this presents an extra layer of complexity when it comes to establishing routines, but I'm determined to find a way.
So, I'd appreciate any advice, suggestions, and any personal experiences you may have had. How can I build a routine that takes into account my ADHD and executive dysfunction? Are there any tools, techniques, or strategies that have worked for you or others in similar situations?
I'm open to all suggestions, whether they relate to specific productivity apps, mindfulness exercises, habit-forming techniques, or anything else that could help me overcome the challenges I face. Your shared wisdom and insights could make a significant difference in my journey towards becoming more disciplined and achieving my goals.
TL;DR: Struggling to build and follow a consistent routine encompassing work, health, finance, and relationships due to ADHD and executive dysfunction.
| 5 |
How can I be better when I’m heartbroken and sad all the time
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In short, I was dumped and having a terrible time moving on.
I was dating someone who ended things with me to date someone else, in a v impulsive and manic way. I dealt with a lot of bullshit and disrespect from this person and I have all the right reasons to move on and yet still can’t. This person has hurt me in so many ways and yet I still miss them. Aside the toxicity they’ve caused recently, It’s hard to let go when you love them so deeply for their true self. And it’s frustrating to know this person has unresolved trauma but chose to date instead of working on themselves.
What makes this whole process difficult is that we work together and have the same circle of friends. We’re on good terms and have created space but hurts to see them on social media moving on so fast. Since we’re on friendly terms, they continue to reach out to me wanting to catch up or hang out and as much as I want to, it still hurts so I don’t make myself as available, but I do cave sometimes.
I know what I have to do. I’ve given myself every advice I can think of. And I know I have to cut this person off in order for me to heal. But I can’t. My gut tells me this person is meant to be in my life but they have work to do on themselves. And Ive tried to tell myself that regardless how things turn out, in this moment, I still need to move on. Let go already. Whether this person will be in my life or not, I need to let go and trust that if they’re meant to be in my life we’ll find each other again.
Sorry for this rant and the I’s and Me’s, seems alittle all over the place and kinda self center-ish. Had this bottled up and needed a place to vent. Thanks for reading
| 1 |
My phone's ruining me and it might be inevitable. Here's why:
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1) I'm feeling unhappy with my reality and unmotivated, so I go on pinterest or tiktok to escape it. Hopefully I come across some valuable information or a pretty post that would inspire me and give me a better vision of my goals. I end up just procrastinating. Oh how I wish I could romanticize my own life instead of a stranger's.
2) I wake up and I gotta check my phone first thing in the morning in case I've missed an important call or message for someone. Accidentally I get sucked into the rabbithole of social media.
3) I'm trying to focus on something, but I'm afraid to leave my phone in another room in case I don't hear it and my relatives start worrying or in case I miss some plans in the group chat with my friends and see it too late. So I keep my phone nearby. Even though it's not ringing or buzzing, I have an urge to check just in case. Boom, I get sucked into the vortex again.
4) Deleting the apps that are bad for me doesn't really work because I need them in some way. I use those same apps for messaging and researching topics that are relevant to my life. I've learned a lot of things thanks to reddit, tiktok and youtube. But meanwhile my finger slips in the wrong direction and without realizing I'm watching a tutorial on how to look after a lizard or those stupid fake prank videos. Hours pass.
5) I post something whether on instagram or on reddit and I then gotta check how my post's doing. So I keep wasting time. OCD makes matters even worse because sometimes I worry I might've posted something I shouldn't have, so I gotta check before many people see - like somehow dropping my phone on my face might've opened my camera, then facebook and posted the picture of my front camera smashing my face.
| 3 |
I want to be positive and practice gratitude
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I went through many things in live and the last break up and depression made me the most negative person in the world. I want to be stronger. I want to be positive. I want to love myself. I went through therapy, I unlocked my emotions and went through it, now I want to move on. For so many years struggling with problems I was on a survival mode and just hoped I'll get through it. Now I'm in the best time of my life and instead of feeling happy, my mind focus on the past and I feel broken inside.
Little gratitude:
I'm healthy.
I'm pretty.
I have a good career.
I have good financial situation.
People like me.
I'm independent and free.
Who wants to join me? Let's make a little club to support each other.
| 19 |
I don't know why should I continue, counting only good things feels like I am ignoring the bad
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Thinking about trying to improve, but also have an exit plan from life
I am a 28 year old male. I have many issues starting from mental to physical.
I come from a country in the Balkans that was hardest hit from war. There are still small bullet holes on my house. My dad fought in the war, he did some shit and he was in military jail for two months, he smuggled things. His father, my paternal father was an alcoholic and a abusive asshole. He used to beat him up and send him to sell tobacco after he would spend whole night cutting it, my father had to work in a bar with 12-13 to earn money for himself. He also had an accident where he landed on shards of glass and his stomach was all cut up. My paternal grandmother was also beaten by my grandfather, but she was also strange, she did not like my dad for some reason and did not defend him. He was the only child for which social services came, imagine in Yugoslavia, then they would come only if you are an asshole to your kids. My dad told me that grandpa would come drunk and beat them up and he would hold grandma's head on the floor screaming at her to shut up, she would not.
My mom comes from the village, she was the 9th child. Her parents were regular village folks, my maternal grandmother was cold, so my mom tells me. I never got to knew her. Grandfather was fiery, he was always cursing, he did not have a filter. I know he once said something to his nephew, the nephew was 13 at the time and came at my grandfather with a knife, crazy environment all around.
At the time my dad and mom were dating they made a mistake, that mistake was me. I was the whole reason they got together.
They moved into the same house where my paternal grandparents lived. We live in a small part of the house where it's my two uncles, who were around 25 and 27 at time. Younger uncle who is only 7 years older than me. I could not play because one of my uncles was always sleeping and wanted peace. The uncle who was 7 years older than me would steal my toys and beat me up. He once broke our TV with an ashtray. My grandma was jelaous that we had always a richer fridge. Always stole our food. Quite the family...
I was quite in this surrounding, I mean I was a lively kid until my sister was born, then I just became really introverted. I would just get my parents to buy me VHS tapes so I could watch Pokemon, Teenage mutant ninja turtles, DB, Batman and other anime and cartoons. It was my escape. When I first got to school, I had trouble learning the alphabet, writing and doing mental math. My teacher was saying I don't know what to do with him. So my mom forced me to learn all that, she was not working so she made me write, learn and do math. Even though it was forced, she made it, my teacher congratulate her. When I was 8 my dad signed me up for karate and made me go. I never liked karate, I have dyspraxia so I was always bad, but I had to train for almost 10 years. What could I do, I was living under his roof. I was bullied in school because I was quiet. The rich and the cool kids would always hit me in the back of the head, mock me how I play sports badly. Until one day I snapped, I started throwing chairs. After that I walked with a pocket knife. I almost once pulled on one of the bullies, he taunted me, I kinda wish now I did. They were never going to stop because I was physically stronger, only thing I could do was end them. But I was a coward and never stabbed, but I think if I was pushed enough I would have.
High school was similar, the only difference in high school was that I skipped classes, I figured fuck you all in school. My escape was gaming, I got good especially in one mode in CS 1.6, I loved that game. I love all Source games, they were a source of fun for me.
After high school, my father stopped working because he had some health problems, he also developed a gambling addiction. He apparently almost offed himself at one point because of it. That is what my mom told me.
After high school, I did not work for a period of time. I started to go for some free local courses for PS, Illustrator and InDesign. I also finished a basic frontend codding course. I found a job at a local agency, they wanted a generalist who can do it all, so after some time I was fired. I could not keep, later at another one, similar thing. In my country the environment is toxic, you have to learn a lot of things in a small amount of time for a small pay.
After that I worked a bit with my dad, I helped with the heavy stuff. It's also where I fucked up my back a bit.
When Corona came, my dad sent me to Germany to his friend, who only wanted someone who can pay for an apartment he has for his son, in the mean time I can use it to setup in Germany. So I came I did not know the language, I was in apartment with only a bed, basic kitchen, one big room and with 2-3 people at certain points.
First I worked in a warehouse unloading packages to a convery belt from a truck. Given I have somewhat fucked up back, it was not easy. I worked there about a year, after that I started working in a slor machine club, also only night shift. Here it is better pay and not so physical. It is a stressful environment, I work 6 days a week and sometimes I work 10-14 days in a row when someone is sick. I deal with people addicted to gambling and sometimes addictive substances. It's stressful.
I have been here on Reddit visiting various subreddit connected to self-improvement. The last one was Stoicism, which is also a philosophy with logic and it's own physics. I could not accept that we don't need certain externals, if you can do with out that, all the power to you. And that it is all judgments, aren't the 4 Stoic Virtues also just judgments. Virtue, by the definition they like to use is the cultivation of what you consider good, why should the Stoic position be the ultimate guide? And even within them, what someone consider courageous, someone will consider it stupidity.
I am not all for resilience, for example if I am being in a concentration camp, I would rather get shoot then used for experiments, physical labor and torture.
I saw a post earlier about a girl who has cancer saying to her that she has to focus on the positive, she can, but that may not change the outcome. I mean if it's out of our control, there is no need to worry, but this forced positivity bugs me, I don't like it.
| 6 |
What's the funniest way you've ever been told 'no'?
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Hey everyone! I've been thinking a lot about the different ways people can say "no" and realized that some of the funniest ways are the most unexpected. Anyone here have any funny experiences about this?
| 1 |
Am I making excuses?
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I'm an expat who stays with 3 persons in one bedroom, I am renting a lower bunk bedspace. Overall, in a 3 bedroom apartment, I'm living with 10 other people.
I noticed that everything I want to do to improve my life gets hindered by not having my own space, these are the examples:
Have to review for a licensure examination: no space to have my own study table, ends up studying in bed.
Have to cook my own food/meal prep: kitchen is almost always occupied, I do not feel at peace when cooking as I'm anxious someone will walk in anytime and disrupt my alone time.
Have to eat meals: dining table and living area are the places people stays at all the time, I don't feel comfortable being around people who sees everything I do, ends up eating in bed just to enjoy my food and have "me time".
Can't have time to do necessary things after work: once arrived, old roommate is already asleep, lights are turned off at 7pm. No more time to enjoy little hours left before bed time.
Can't have movie time/music time without headphones: this is a small issue but from time to time I would like to rest my ears from wearing ear buds but would like to still able to listen to music while doing other tasks.
Do home workouts: no space at all. Two bunkbeds in one small room. Cabinets everywhere. Exposed to prying eyes.
What I mostly end up doing is getting my exercise throughout the day in the office, staying at my office after work to do my readings as well as have dinner/ watch movies there and then go home just to get on a shower then lie in bed. I prepare my office clothes and stuff I will use for the whole week every weekend plus do my laundry, hang and fold clothes, etc.
Maybe you can give me some tips on how to impove my day to day life even if I need to add or deduct a small habit.
If I sound like I'm complaining, maybe I am a little bit 😅 but please know I think I'm trying my best with what I have.
Or maybe I'm just making excuses and everything that I need/want to do is actually doable right where I'm at.
| 3 |
I follow instagram female models
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Hi guys, I am a Pakistani guy. I follow female instagram models. Most of them make poses which make their private parts attractive, and as a result, I have an addiction to see them and i follow them regularly. How can I overcome this? Apps like TikTok/Insta are really affecting me mentally and makes me feel poor! Why people who do modelling appear to be more successful than those who grind 9 to 5? I can’t digest this. As a result, i hate myself.
| 4 |
How can I force myself to do more.. more?
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Hi everyone, it's my first post, if something is wrong with it, I'll delete of course! I've seen a lot of posts here and on other subreddits that deal with this problem, however I thought I will ask as well about my specific situation.
I started working as a programmer almost year ago and the post-work exhaustion is still present.
I love programming and even though the job itself isn't That great, I don't hate it and it doesn't make me miserable as previous jobs did. I'm still learning to do all the things I can to be "better me" (with a help of a psycho dietitian - she's great) but it feels it's not enough - it lacks working on personal projects or energy for learning.
After work 8-16:30, I force myself to go for a walk - I need to buy some bread etc, so I use that to reach around 7k steps (I live 5min away from work, can't use the "bike to work" kind of tips, unfortunately). I started drinking water, I try to reach 1,5l daily (I used to drink only teas and soda), I make all my meals for work daily, I'm still struggling with eating properly - I try to eat actual food instead of just junk and snacks daily - it's improving slowly. I even try Nordic walking once or twice a week (this one is still a struggle).
I started working on myself like that around few months ago and although I can see the slow progress, I still feel that every single thing I do is a hard choice instead of a habit.
All that self improving is great and all but it makes me lack time for my other goals. Thrice a week I have a social hangouts with friends, movie watching or DnD (online, they are not from here). I try to play some games, journal or crochet around 30min a day, to relax. All of that is something that drains my energy anyway.
This daily work on myself I do feels super important but I can't seem to find space or energy for learning better programming too. I want to, I really do, even a side gamedev project or just some short courses or tutorials would do, but it feels like it's taking away "me time" - my sleeping schedule suffers even without me adding studying to my day. Sometimes I can't even look at my laptop after work - scrolling mindlessly through social media or TikTok is the only thing that i pick up effortlessly.
How do I get more spoons and energy? How can I force myself to do more when I already feel like I'm doing more anyway? (In the past i thought I'm unable to change, but now I know the change is Constant work and maybe I can do it.. I think?) Just... how? I'd appreciate any advice I can get, please and thank you!
| 13 |
Self help body issues
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An old ex said some extremely hurtful things about my body. Ever since then I have a hard time looking into the mirror naked and feel extremely uncomfortable nude, even while just changing. It’s been about a year and I think I want to face these issues and get over them. Working out helped connect me to my body a lot but I still need help. Was wondering if forcing myself to stand and look at me in the mirror would help or just make things worse. Also if there’s any meditation/mindfulness practices or even journaling or anything else that might help please let me know.
Thank you!
| 5 |
Can someone motivate me to clean my disgusting room?
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I’ve been so busy and unmotivated and my room is so so bad right now. I just can’t get up and clean the trash and the clothes and everything. Can you guys help motivate me?
| 1 |
I want to go to the gym but I can’t….
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Hi All,
Been trying to improve for a while. Had good success for a long time when I gave up some bad habits but when stress came back the bad habits came back too.
I really want to start going to the gym. I’ve always been anxious and have a few chronic diseases that I’ve been told can have the symptoms alleviated a bit by exercise.
Like many here, I have really bad anxiety and social anxiety. I don’t know how to use the gym or where to begin. I’d love to go but the anxiety has been crippling. Anyone have advice?
| 1 |
Day 17 | Month 2 | Year 0
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Practised some Japanese today.
Improvement: Japanese practice
Goals for tomorrow: Train body and hand in all work due.
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :|
Post written at : 11:22pm
| 1 |
How do I fight negativity and become better in grad school?
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Hi everyone,
For the past year, I've been on a journey of self-improvement. The pandemic was very dark for me, so last summer I moved out, for the first time, to live by myself in my own apartment. Verrrry slowly I've developed a gym habit, picked up a few new hobbies (writing, CD collecting, bouldering, martial arts), improved my sleep schedule, taken therapy for my ADHD and just learned to be by myself. The one thing that's the biggest drain on my well-being, though, is lacking deep friendships. I struggle with loneliness and self-worth almost every day, to the point it sometimes results in suicidal ideation. It just feels like basic things such as having a group of solid friends to be in regular communication with and hang out once in a while, having a romantic partner, and people generally giving a shit about me seems so impossible. All of this leads me to have very bitter and needy thought patterns. Again, the hobbies and focus on self-improvement help, learning to fill in my alone time with cool stuff and projects, but it can only go so far.
I got into a pretty prestigious grad school which I'll be moving to a new country for. It's a small 2 year program (60 people incoming), on a huge campus. So there's going to be opportunities to make friends both within and outside my program. Only issue is I'm just so nervous and in my head about making a bad first impression, pushing people away, either by being desperate and clingy and oversharing, or by trying to be aloof and charming. How can I develop my self-worth, fight the bitterness, and develop strong bonds during this time?
| 3 |
Effects of giving up dating apps
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I actually wanna meet someone and get to know them.
I don’t feel as horrible about myself all the time because I didn’t get any matches or the matches were just hey you wanna hook up and I felt like an object and or completely invisible.
Im paying more attention about how I interact in person with people generally since ive been meeting people online since I was like 11.
I still have my im lonely moments where I’m contemplating downloading bumble and seeing what happens but now I’m like ok let’s put a little more effort in our outfit or make up. Let’s feel good for ourselves and if we happen to see a cute boy smile or something at him.
I actually have a list of things I want in a guy instead of just wanting to not be lonely or bored or wanting that connection.
I see how where I am in life emotionally mentally financially sexually all of it is effecting my lack of dating.
I just finally let go of a crutch I’ve been using for a really really really really long time.
| 2 |
I’m starting to lose patience with my girlfriend
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I currently am lost and don’t know what to do with my current relationship. It’s kinda hard and embarrassing for me to come over here and ask for advice. I don’t know if I am the problem or her or us.
I have been in this relationship for about 2 years and it isn’t my longest. I don’t think my girlfriend is a bad person cause she has been with me during my lowest times and has tried to support me however she could even if it wasn’t helping.
Now we are close to the 2 year and I feel that she hasn’t learned anything. ie. when we went to shake shack and collected the food and didn’t take mustard sauce when i like it but she doesn’t. And that she doesn’t try to do things together and would rather scroll through tiktok non stop instead of doing something together. The fact that she always wants things her way and if I go against it she gets angry. ie. when I’m busy with work and she wants to go out but I’m not available.
| 0 |
Incremental Steps Towards Building a Habit
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Hello, fellow Redditors!
I'm seeking advice or personal experiences regarding the implementation of small steps into habits and routines. Has anyone tried this approach before? If so, how did it go?
I've been wanting to develop a consistent reading habit, aiming for 50 pages a week. However, I'm keen to start slow and manageable, beginning with 10 pages a week, before gradually increasing my weekly quota to 20 pages and so on.
**and do you think an AI-powered habits app that adds a new challenge every day would be a interesting feature?**
My rationale behind this is to avoid overwhelming myself and to actually enjoy the process. I'd love to know if anyone else has tried a similar strategy and if there were any specific challenges or achievements that you'd like to share.
| 2 |
I made it. I finally made it.
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After 4 years of torture and hell, I finally graduated from high school. My first post on here was talking about how I wanted to kill myself, because I lacked self-love (or in other words, I have low self-esteem). I was going to make this account a throwaway account, but now I am going to use it for motivation.
I have considered killing myself because of this shithole I was put in. Highschool was the worst, and has left me with scars that I will never recover from. However, for some reason, I got friends. 4 amazing friends, and two I talk with daily.
2 weeks ago I decided to gift the two of them Acrylic stands, they were so happy. One of them texted me at night, and he wanted to talk to me about the acrylic stand I gave him. He said "It means a lot that you go out of your way to do this."
I was so happy that I started to make him happy and somewhat embarrassed by the complements I was giving to him as a best friend lol.
I never thought I could see this day. I passed all of my exams, I got into my dream university, and I will start a new "arc" in my life. Next week I will be going to my graduation ceremony.
Highschool arc finally ended; Uni arc boutta go hard lol
I just wanted to say all of this. Thank you <3
| 6 |
How to let go of anger towards housemate over this?
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I have one housemate amongst others and one time , I put my shoes away near the common area/wall/side but one was out of line or in the middle of the hall. My housemate texted me and asked me to fix it and I did.
A 2nd time 3 weeks later, he texted me to come and put my shoes/slippers on the side and said they were in the way and I fixed it.
3 weeks later he texted me saying he's not going to ask again cuz when I put them away, one of my shoes bottom part was on top of on one of his which he just cleaned and he took a photo and sent me a bunch of texts that told me to come fix it up right now and he's not going to do so and to keep stuff in my room . I did but then said I'd be more mindful but asked him not to order or demand me to do something so small/trivial such as this and all cuz I was doing something. He said he has the right to as he asked me nicely before and its about his stuff and its my responsibility to make sure its not damaged or something and he said if somethings in his way or ruining his stuff he's going to demand and order to be done right away. He said he was sorry for disturbing my prayer and he'd rather not do so and he won't if I keep my shoes in order. I said that was fair and sorry and the convo was ended.
This happened a year ago but I feel he was being somewhat absurd about it as yes I should be more mindful and if his stuff's getting ruined that's fair but I feel its too much to ask me to drop everything I am doing to move a shoe, especially if I'm the middle of something and him wanting it to be done right away regardless of my task just sounds asinine to me as I feel like he'd expect me to leave an important call or interview or family emergency to move a freaking shoe. Further one shoe in the hall barely counts as being in his way and thus feel he was too much about it and wonder if I was too passive. I find myself feeling mad cuz I wish I just told him this and all.
Anyway how can I get over it?
| 2 |
Feeling stagnant in life
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Im F 23 turning 24 soon, Im over a year and a half out of university, living at home and doing a 3 year course to complete my licensing. I just failed a paper and Im down in the dumps, not sure if this is even right for me. My friends are moving away, some getting married and engaged, and Im feeling stuck. Ever since I was a kid I couldnt wait until Im grown to do things Ive wanted like travelling the world and meeting interesting people. Now I spend my weekends in bed unsure of what else there is to do. I used to have fun seeing friends, socialising and going out for drinks but even that seems so boring to me now.
I have fleeting hobbies, I go to the gym and work full time. But I dont really know what Im passionate about. I want to move away but financially its not very feasible, and I have strict asian parents. They want me to move out of home with people I know or with my younger brother (hes still in university). I have a good relationship with my boyfriend, but I feel like we dont really talk much about the future. Weve been together for 4 years now. Everyone says Im too young to be worrying about these things but I feel like I need to decide if I would want to have kids in 5 years or so, get married, etc. A lot of people say that I got ny whole life ahead of me, but I feel like Im running out of time.
Where do I start? What do I do?
| 1 |
How to stop being bitter and start living life?
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Even thought I thought I made mich progress years ago (28 currently), I still notice that I am very bitter. I have a long distance situationship with a young women, I really like, after a long time being single and it triggers a lot of my insecurities. It also makes my bitterness and evil view on life surface again. When I thought I made way more progress. When I talked about it with a good friend he said sometimes I look so ugly, because of my way of looking, talking and feeling about humans and the universe in general. But I act the other way around and also feel much love when I think about everything. So I have these constant battles of opinions and emotions inside if my head, that recently came out again and that I want to get better at overcoming.
These negative emotions and thoughts I face are for example:
-Everything feels meaningless for me, the only thing I can recognize as 'something' is pleasure.
-getting envied or just appreciated by other people gives me a feeling if meaning.
-I think being criminal, having tattoos, having drug experiences, having much casual sex, is what people envy the most bc it's what pop culture is often about and it gets most likes on instagram.
-i do nothing just bc i want to and 'bc that's me'
-i got into something that becoming something like a relationship, where me and my partner developed feelings for each other, when I just want to have short relationships and use people for sex and get used for sex and don't care or feel anything about the worthless human behind the flesh. And I question myself bc I like her so much and it feels good. And I feel sick when I think like this.
-i have no style no hobbies no friends no job no believes.
-i actually have hobbies now, also a job and friend and what some could argue is a style. but it feels hollow. nothing of it is what i want if i could i would trade it all to be more cool.
-i need rules on how to become cool. tell me i need to cut my nose of because it will make you 3,4 more cool and i will do it. but personally i don't care about nose cut off or not. doesn't matter. both are absolutely meaningless no matter what aesthetic or symbolism you apply.
-i want to devalue others and what others do.
-i seek sexual intimacy only from this perspective and it's most likely the reason i got near to none the last 10 years. + like i said i want to better my thought but actually don't hurt others on purpose.
-getting rejected by strangers hurts and anger me an absolutely unreasonably amount
-so i am always super kind and try to avoid conflict and sexual rejection. but i hate everything and myself.
-i got a tattoo too bc now i am also as cool as tattooed people and also i am now in a more credible position to devalue others with tattoos and throw them down the meaningless pit i have to dwell in and want everyone else to dwell in too.
-i want everyone to have a shitty life and just suffer emotionally and not be able to be happy beside being healthy and in safety.
-i think about making drug experiences (stopped smoking weed gambling and alcohol at different points in the last 4 years but never tried anything else) or reising old ones to be cool or be in a position to devalue the experience of others. (like with tattoos). doing drugs never got me anything but not doing them also never got me anything. i just try to be more healthy so i can do the sex drug more often when i finally be able to get gratification from sexual intimacy.
-blablabla
so that's the tone. I warned you it's ugly. but it is what it is. i don't act on this. I just make my life a pain and yea it's sad. some of this stuff sounds so manchildish but i currently still can really help it. i have these thoughts and feels. anyone here with advice how to overcome it or people who made it out of similar positions to share some hope? i also feel like this relationship to the women i develop currently brings a lot of this up to the surface and I want and need to take care of myself if I ever want to become a healthy partner. or a healthy person. i kinda thought i had more progress but yea some things seemed to rly surface recently.. thanks & much love <3
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What are some of your activities/hobbies that make you feel good/productive for the day?
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Hi. On my days where I am not working I am someone who likes to make those days worth something and one of the few rare things that I do to keep me semi productive is when I clean the house I feel this sense of pride and content that I don't seem to feel from many other things, such as when I am out spending money on stupid things (when I do that I feel like I just wasted my day) but I would like to find more of these activities/hobbies that give me this similar feeling so I want to learn more from the people in this subreddit and get ideas about what you guys do whether it ranges from a large hobby to just a small activity/routine to get that accomplished feeling if that makes any sense. Any responses would be appreciated.
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A comprehensive guide to my goal setting and future planning system
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Hey Reddit! Over the years, I've experimented with various methods of goal setting and planning my future, and I've finally developed a system that works incredibly well for me. Since it has had such a positive impact on my life, I wanted to share it with you all, in the hopes that it might help others with their own goal setting and planning journey. I'd also appreciate any feedback on my approach, as I'm always looking for ways to improve and refine my system!
# Introducing the 4-Step Goal Setting and Future Planning System
# Benefits of the System
Using this comprehensive framework to plan and track your goals can have incredible benefits:
1. Breaking down large, long-term goals into smaller, more manageable milestones prevents overwhelm and keeps motivation high.
2. Integrating your goals into your everyday life helps maintain focus and stay committed.
3. Regular reviews help you adapt and evolve your goals as your life changes, ensuring they remain meaningful and relevant.
## Step 1: Define Your Long-Term Goals
Start by brainstorming and listing all of the long-term goals (5-10-30 years or more) you want to achieve in your life, following the S.M.A.R.T. principles (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound). Don't be afraid to be ambitious and aim high, even if you think it's beyond what you're currently capable of. The beauty of this system is in breaking down these seemingly unattainable goals into manageable, achievable steps. Remember to include goals for various areas of your life, like career, relationships, health, and personal growth.
## Step 2: Create a Timeline and Break Down Your Goals
Make a simple timeline spanning from the current year to the year of your farthest-reaching goal, and place your long-term goals along the timeline. As you do this, make sure that your goals aren't conflicting with each other. Identify smaller milestones for each goal, which will help you track your progress and make the larger goal seem more attainable. Aim for 2-4 smaller milestones per goal; for example, if your ultimate goal is to run an ultramarathon, your previous milestone might be "running a marathon," "running a half-marathon," and "running your first 5k."
## Step 3: Yearly and Monthly Breakdown
Now, take a look at the goals you've set for the current year and break them down month by month. List all your goals with their closest milestone, and start planning steps needed to achieve each milestone. For example, if you want to achieve the first milestone of "running your first 5k," you may need to buy running shoes, start walking 3x a week, or lose a certain amount of body weight. Don't worry if there are some months where it seems like nothing needs to be done for a particular goal, that's completely normal!
## Step 4: Allocate Monthly Priorities and Integrate into Your Productivity System
For each goal, make a list of the things you need to accomplish during the current month based on your monthly breakdown from Step 3. Incorporate these tasks into your preferred productivity system, whether that's a to-do app, calendar, or good old-fashioned sticky notes.
# Regular Reviews: The Key to Success
The most important part of this system is regularly reviewing and reflecting on your goals, progress, and setbacks. At the end of each week, month, quarter, and year, take some time to review your goals and milestones. Celebrate your achievements, analyze your failures, and ask yourself what can be done differently moving forward.
Treat your goals as living, evolving aspirations. Regular reviews are also an excellent opportunity to ensure your goals still align with your values and ambitions and modify or add goals accordingly.
I genuinely hope this framework helps others as much as it has helped me. If you decide to give it a try, I'd love to hear about your experiences and any feedback you may have. Together, let's work towards creating the bright, fulfilling futures we all deserve!
# Summary - your feedback
**I have a Google Sheets spreadsheet prepared, but unfortunately, I cannot share the links here.**
**If you decide to give it a try, I'd love to hear your feedback and experiences. Feel free to ask questions if anything isn't clear, and don't hesitate to share your own advice and insights on goal setting.**
Do you have any other systems or frameworks that work well for you? I'm always interested in learning new approaches. And if you know of any helpful apps or tools for goal setting, tracking, or productivity, please share them with the community.
Let's create a supportive environment where we can exchange ideas and help each other on our journeys to success. Together, we can build the bright and fulfilling futures we all deserve.
| 1 |
how can I stop feeling fomo?
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ok so for context, im going on holiday to visit my home country from 2nd July to 2nd August, so a whole month. i don't really want to go because I'm gonna miss out on so much of the summer, even though I have the month of August, but still.
I'm already getting fomo that my friends will go out and have fun and make such good memories all without me. I fear that I can't enjoy myself on holiday because I'll keep thinking abou them and I'll look at the group chat and feel so left out. I'm worried they're gonna go to all these amazing places. I feel so sad that I'm going abroad when I shouldn't be, but I don't know what to do. I want to feel important in the group so bad. I'm scared I'll be thinking about them the entire time.
What makes it worse is that the summer is the only time we'll see each other a lot because we graduated high school and we'll be going to different universities in September. Someone please help, how can I get rid of this feeling of fomo and be content ???
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General Discussion Thread — June 19 – June 25
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Feel free to share any and all requests, success stories, or other thoughts you feel are helpful to others.
Please be mindful of rules 1 and 2 while posting.
Rule 1: Be civil/respectful
>Be civil and respectful. This is a support site. Be kind to one another. Harassment is a insta-ban, so think twice before engaging in any. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Rule 2: Stay on topic
>All posts must be about getting better. This means all posts must either be direct requests for advice, sharing advice, or sharing progress. Your submission may be removed if the advice you are sharing or requesting is not clear enough, or if your post lacks any potential to benefit another person.
| 35 |
General Discussion Thread — June 18
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Feel free to share any and all requests, success stories, or other thoughts you feel are helpful to others.
Please be mindful of rules 1 and 2 while posting.
Rule 1: Be civil/respectful
>Be civil and respectful. This is a support site. Be kind to one another. Harassment is a insta-ban, so think twice before engaging in any. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Rule 2: Stay on topic
>All posts must be about getting better. This means all posts must either be direct requests for advice, sharing advice, or sharing progress. Your submission may be removed if the advice you are sharing or requesting is not clear enough, or if your post lacks any potential to benefit another person.
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Too Late to Start Over?
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I'm 22, going on 23 in a few days. I'm worried if it's too late to start over? I feel embarrassed where I'm at in life right now. I want to start over and be the opposite version of myself. (Healthy, kind, financially stable.) I want to achieve my goals. How do I give myself the room to grow and not beat myself up?
Edit: I was not expecting to get any attention at all! I also deeply apologize if this post has offended anyone. I just feel lost currently.
| 93 |
I tried to get involved with a married man, feeling terrible
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At first I thought he was handsome, but as he is married he is off limits anyway so I didn’t really pay much attention to him. Then suddenly I thought he was cute but I couldn’t really put my finger on why I was suddenly crushing on him. Then I realised that every single time we ran into each other his whole face was beaming up and I just hoped he would stop this and not look at me like that. There wasn’t really any serious flirtation but it was always somehow like an extreme tension with weird eye contact and his body would always gravitate towards me in sometimes very weird ways.
I don’t know why I felt this strong attraction towards him. I have never tried to steal another woman’s man in my life and I don’t intend on doing so in the future.
Anyway I messaged him to get in touch with me. From the way I did it, it was clear that I had bad intentions and was interested in hooking up with him. He played dumb and asked me why exactly I wanted him to get in touch with me with a “;)”, to - at least that’s what I think- get me to confess my feelings and that’s when I finally realized that I crossed a line and told him that “I don’t know” and that it was “probably a stupid idea”
Afterwards I decided to just turn off the phone and never turn it on again (it’s a second phone I don’t usually use). I don’t know wtf is wrong with me. I know it sounds stupid but I feel like he somehow manipulated me, for example on several occasions he was verbally mirroring me (for example: me: “I’m working more hours today because I had a day off last week”, him: “because you had a day off last week”). That doesn’t really seem natural to me, like, who communicates like that? On top of that, I heard from several people that he has narcissistic tendencies.
Btw I’m in my mid-twenties and he’s almost 20 years older than me.
I feel miserable about it and I’m scared of ever walking into him again.
I feel constant shame and just want this to stop.
| 34 |
criticism on the internet
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I (21F) scroll on instagram a lot, but I’ve noticed that the comments are a really awful place honestly. People jump to assumptions very quickly, make very harsh statements, and cyberbully a lot on there. I like to scroll through reels but it sucks seeing this type of shit on every reel and it makes me start to wonder if I am doing the same thing or if they are right and I am a bad person. I might take a break, but how can I also not take these things personally if I decide to stay or when I reactivate?
| 24 |
I really can't understand what I want, I try hard to find myself
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I would like to know your opinion about it
Usually most people are really interested in something, and they have different talents, but I really lost myself in this matter, I tried many things, to see if I like them or not, Programming, Basketball, Piano, Streaming, Writing, ANYTHING, but then I left them for a while, Because I was bored, and I really don't have enough motivation to do anything. I'm 16 years old and all the dudes in my class have different interests, but I can't figure out what I'm interested in for many years. In this important period of my life, I know almost nothing, I am not good at anything, just because after a while I leave everything unintentionally and lose interest in it.
| 69 |
Stuck lying in bed all day.
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Stuck in a cycle of lying in bed all day long almost everyday. My necessities are done. My friends aren’t available. But I want to go do something. I Went on a walk for 30 minutes and then I’m back again. Went to a park to read. After that I’m back again. I’m struggling to find anything productive to do, and it’s taking a toll on me. I have the motivation but I keep falling short in this area.
Any advice or tips? I don’t need a quick fix, I’m just not sure what to do.
Currently don’t have a job
| 6 |
irritable when routine is broken?
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I (21F) have noticed that I get really irritable over small things (having to go out last minute or a day before, needing to do something out of the norm, etc.) I just now realized that I think I don’t like my routines being broken. If I plan time then I can try to be disciplined (which I’m working on) to get it done, but when something happens it feels like my day is ruined. So, how can I stop being so irritated when my daily routine is disrupted? Thanks all!
| 10 |
Self improvement Day 1
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Hi Positives
1. Did 400 skipping today
2. Did not open youtube till 8pm
3. Studied for 20 min
Negatives
1. Did not get up before 6 am
2. Couldn't keep up with the momentum of studying
3. Did loads of self loathing, negative thoughts
4. Wasted time on reddit
Feelings
I am very scared about the future .nervous about the results and my parents response to it .
Want to run away far far away or just finish it all
| 11 |
I think I am better now. M15
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The title basically, I used to be a very violent person. Physical altercations and whatnot, I got pissed at the most minimal things, I used to say awful things, do awful things, I don't wanna get into too much detail but when I look back at myself I just say, damn. Damn I was really awful, i'm genuinely surprised I didn't get more severe law action or punishment for what I said and done. Well, I am trying to be better, and maybe it's my ego talking, but I think I am better. I really don't know where to post this, but I wanna still be, better. Less rude less abrasive, and I kinda, don't know what to say here anymore. Thanks for my little rambling ramble here.
| 17 |
Will getting rid of my smartphone and substituting it with a phone that does the minimum necessary help my addiction?
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I'm using my phone 8 hours a day and this is not okay. I could use those hours to practice piano, read, exercise. Would getting a dumb phone, maybe one with WhatsApp (and I can buy a separate navigator for my car), kill my addiction? Or would I simply find something else not productive to do?
| 4 |
Not letting off days ruin progress (f19)
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I’ve been trying a lot of things to improve my life. I started a few months ago with my self improvement journey. I felt behind because I couldn’t drive, didn’t have much money, no friends, no motivation, and terrible horrible self esteem. I saw no reason to live. I’m very strict on myself. I’ve since gotten better. Took on a full time job while in college, got a car ( I still can’t drive though, taking lessons and what not), got a better opinion on my looks/ self esteem though it still needs a lot of work, and managed to scratch through my first year of college. Though I am still at risk of failing 1 class. We’ll see how that turns out and lastly have made really sweet friends. Despite my improvements I still regularly feel like I am worthless. Anytime I make no progress, anytime I am tired I equate it with being lazy. It makes me feel like I am falling back into the hole I started with. It’s gotten so bad that everything makes me cry. Whenever something is not going my way, the way I feel like things ought to be I can not take it. I have so many irrational fears of what could happen to me. What my life could turn into. The fear of failing. The fear of not progressing is killing me. I feel like I SHOULD be living on my own and not with my parents though I can’t even really afford it with having to pay for college alone. I feel like a failure because it’s taking me so long to drive. I started doing a skincare regime and thank god it’s working and I started seeing results. I feel like I’m addicted to seeing results. And though I’ve seen so many results in the last few months and I’m doing so good. I haven’t been seeing enough improvement on my end again. I say this as I just acquired a car in May with my own money. How do I stop this? These feelings make it impossible to live. How do I stop keeping myself down even after building myself up so much. I want to be so much and I want it all now.
| 2 |
Being the best version of yourself, right now.
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I have been practicing ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) for quite a while now, and have recently come to 2 very important conclusions:
1. Being the best version of yourself is impossible. It's perfectionism. It's never doing something bad, regardless of what happens in your life. It's showing up to the gym, or the studio or just work, and giving it your all, every day. We all want to be the best version of ourselves but that picture in our head doesn't abide by the laws of reality. They don't have bad days, family emergencies or doubts about themselves. They are, after all, perfect.
2. Trying to live up to that impossible standard means you will always be disappointed with your performance. Do everything you should? Congratulations, that's supposed to be a normal day. Miss out on one small part of your day? You're a failure. Trying to be your best self is toxic.
​
**But why is this a problem? If you're motivated to work harder, isn't that a good thing?**
No. This will eventually lead to burnout.
**And what if it's true? What if I don't do as much as I should? I'm not lying to myself.**
Congratulations! You're a human being! Nobody gets it right 100% of the time. And you're setting your own goals. If you were to set them lower, you'd have already achieved them. So, you define your own success.
**By lowering expectations of myself, won't I make myself lazy? If I'm not trying my best, I'll fall behind.**
Do you honestly feel like doing more when you tell yourself you haven't achieved what you should have? Does berating yourself make you want to work harder in that moment? Not for me. I want to take my mind off things and watch YouTube. And it doesn't mean you can't build up higher expectations in the future.
​
We decide who the best version of us is. That means, you can decide you're fine with who you are now. That best version is a fantasy. But this current, slightly broken you is pretty good! Is their life all put together? No! But the journey hasn't ended. But you can be content with where you are, while also knowing where you want to go.
| 24 |
I messed up- BIG TIME !
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26YO female.
I messed up my dream job , the people were nice , work was good , but I took it for granted. I couldnt see past my own personal issues, was unstable like a fuckin teenager at the age of 25, when literally everyone has their shit together.
i was immature, and lost it. I lost my visa due to losing my job, now (actually i had realized it almost a month before being fired, but it was too late, already had 4 months of bad work performance) i realize that the time i took for granted was actually good and had so many opportunities for me to make it even better.
now i dont have anything, i lost my visa. the personal issue that i was depressed over seems like nothing, i cant meet my now bf due to losing my job n visa.
this just sucks.
how do i get my life back? apparently when i decided i dont have it, was actually a pretty good time. it was a result of 4 years of hard work but i gave it away, just like that.
| 2 |
Help me I’m suffering
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I’m so done with this life, I been psychologically abused, and neglected, I hate my life I don’t have anybody in my life no friends, toxic abusive family, I have breathing problems, psychological problems, and I just want some relief is that too much to ask 🥲
| 2 |
how to be better? struggling
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currently an intern and i have super bad work anxiety.. since young i always have anxiety when i go to work regardless of it being part time/internship as i always feel that i cant contribute and not good enough. till today, i still feel the same way and that’s smt i want to get rid of. it can be quite bad at times, especially those that affect my sleep, mood and make me very low confident and nervous during intern. the funny thing is no one actly said im bad or anything but to me i jusr think im super bad in mt work but i always put my 100% in everything i do…. how do i deal w this?😭
| 6 |
To the person who needs to read this...
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Everyone has that moment that enough is enough. Whether you look in the mirror one day and don't like what you see or you can't look in the mirror, There will be a shift in your energy. There will be a quiet "boom" or a loud sonic "boom" that will shift your foundation. What are your next steps? You can't continue to do what you are doing right now. It's not working. You know its not working. Not making a decision, is making a decision.
Right now, make a decision. make a decision to stop pretending things are okay when they are not. Stop pretending if you ignore it, it will go away. Stop pretending you like something you don't. Stop letting others make decisions for you. You are smarter than you think. You are braver than you think and you are more resiliant than you believe. Its about taking a deep breath, straightening your shoulders and moving forward. Fall down. get back up. Doesn't matter if you fall one million times, get up one million and one. You can do it. You got this.
| 315 |
Keeping my momentum but afraid of the wall.
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Decided to share my progress and concern for working towards being a better version of myself.
[Momentum]
I've been on a good run for the last few months, I've had a couple tiny boosts in confidence. Despite still going struggling to make ends meet, I was promoted at work while still being able to make extra from lawn care, I ended a very hostile situation with someone in my area, and made a new friend that gave me a compliment I'll never stop thinking about. This has all lead to my second week of squeezing in runs and workouts, I haven't felt this kind of energy in years. What I have to do next to keep it going is bringing the demon of doubt right to me.
[Wall]
Cigarettes, I know I'd feel better once I quit and even typing this out makes me want to light one. I set my start date to payday (can't spare cash for nicotine patches until then) and now that it's getting closer I'm stressing it more. Work will be a breeze to avoid smoking because I can keep my mind off it, but outside of work things are a little hectic between family and side work.
[Other side of the Wall]
Drinking is a tick for wanting a smoke but my once a payday bar trip has been my only source of relaxation and socializing. I want to keep doing it, so I'm trying to balance that out. Going to slam into this wall at full force and hope for the best.
Best of luck with anything you all are working towards :)
| 4 |
Turning 23 in 6 months, feeling lost and on the path to find myself.
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I'm Asian i think i've wasted 3 years of my time since I graduated high school and chose the wrong major in college, well i chose accounting because my aunt has a connection which i think she would helped me to get a job right after I graduated but no. ( i decide to drop out since i've wasted my mom money and decided to tell her that i want to chase my dream and the freedom of what i want to do ) It's my fault to not think about what I actually love and do what i want at that time. I'm an introvert, i have less friends and i hate being an employee, i got fired by the first job as barista. I got fired 3 places because i wasnt good, go to work late and shit, i got bad temper so working with others who bossing me around frustrated me a lot lol. Shit im suck. I used to go to work as cashier/bartender while i did side hustle ( selling weed ) but only few pounds. I loved selling weed a lot, i was good at marketing my weed business, i gave discount, free joints and stuff, free delivery so some of em' like buying from me but i had to quit becuz i smoked my own product and i afraid of jail. Basically i quit for good. I always told my parents i want to be an entrepreneur, i just have no idea now what will i be selling beside weed lol. I tried coding but its seems i want to do it for money so im telling myself its not for me, i should find my passion. I have an idea to go for graphic design for my entrepreneur career, someone told me im creative and suggest me this skill. Well i have to find out if its for me. I just wish everything will be better... and figure it out soon. Im blessing enough to not have any debt and live with my parents rent free, but i dont want to be broke and living unsuccessful life. :(
- Sorry for my broken English.
- Thanks for spending your precious time to read about my loser life. I still have hope and believe in me.
| 2 |
Request: how to budget time better?
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I'm trying to figure out where the hell all of my time goes, because I'm nowhere close to getting all of the things done that I want to work on.
I just don't understand it. I mean, I'm a lot better than I used to be. I stopped drinking, figured out my meds, went through therapy, exercise regularly, and have slowly been working on forming better habits. I also only work part time (for now), and dont have kids or any shit like that. Still, I feel exhausted all of the time, and every time I try to work on spending more time on something I care about, other shit just falls by the wayside.
I just want to be able to pursue things I enjoy, work on projects, read, text friends semi regularly, spend time with my S/O, that kind of stuff. I also know I can't work part time forever. I dread the day I change jobs and have even less time.
I don't feel like I'm asking too much. Maybe I am. Other people seem to be able to do so much more, and I really enjoy staying active. Is something just wrong with me? I'm getting so frustrated.
The only logical next steps I can think of are to pretty much cut out all TV, consciously quit using Reddit, and definitely talk to my doctor about this shit. Any other advice is definitely appreciated.
| 3 |
I have never tried hard on anything, and don't know what it feels like
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My entire life, I have not put strenuous effort into anything whether it be coding, chess, school, games, playing with friend, and general hobbies. In all of those things, I put in a quarter of the effort I am able to put in. As a result, I'm terrible at all of my interest, hobbies, and work. It's not just me, my friends have always remarked at how I barely put effort into things but still do fine.
I don't want this. I want to try hard on something, and I don't know how to do that. When I play chess, I play very wishy-washy without strategy and never really improve. Coding for seven years, I am a quarter of the level I am supposed to be at with that much experience.
I often ignore/forget simple details. For example, for a lot of my tests, I just don't "see" a question, and completely skip over it even if it is bolded and at the center of the page. My mind is perpetually blank and I cannot seem to think when someone asks me a question. I do not have a thought process inside my head and just bs whatever comes out of my mouth even if it is not my genuine answer
I want to finally do some genuine hard work in my life, but cannot seem to put myself into whatever I am doing. Maybe it stems from laziness or ADHD, but I hate the way I am living my life and need a desperate change if I am going to be successful in the future.
| 5 |
How have you forgiven yourself for hurting someone else?
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Long story short, I blindside broke up with my ex, breaking her heart and disrespecting her by not coming with my doubts and fears on our compatability sooner before I made the decision to end things.
I’m distraught from the pain and trauma I’ve caused her and that she will continue to experience for a while.
I’ve since gotten a wonderful therapist and have learned a lot about how my past experiences made me fearful of sharing feelings enough to do this. I also have worked with her to workshop how I could’ve done this differently and systems I can put in place in my future relationships to acknowledge this challenge for me and make sure I share feelings rather than keeping them to myself, even if they are feelings that will hurt someone else.
I’m doing the work to become better, but I can’t get past the guilt and pain that I hurt my ex who I cared/care deeply about.
I know being torn up about this doesn’t help anyone, especially not my ex. But I still am, and then I feel even worse since I know it’s unproductive.
Have any of you hurt someone you love and then found a way to forgive yourself? If so, how? My ex forgiving me is not on the table, as I’m respecting her boundary to not talk anymore. I have no idea how to genuinely feel like I deserve any love anymore.
| 27 |
Any advice please!
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ANY ADVICE PLEASE!
Hello, I hope everyone who sees this post is well. I am in search of some advice following what has been a pretty challenging few years for me.
To provide some context - I am a 28 year old male I am a healthy person, exercise regularly, eat healthy. I have been suffering with anxiety and depression (mainly anxiety) for a few years now, following some stressful work environments, and the pursuit of purpose. The journey over the last few years has been tough, although I am extremely grateful to have amazing people around me who have provided immense support.
I have been regularly seeing a therapist, and have partaken in some different forms of subconscious therapies to target some past traumas and self sabotaging thoughts that reoccur. Whilst I am in a great place, I have been unable to come out of fight or flight for some time. Have difficulty sleeping well, and often have a tingling sensation throughout my body and shallow breathe regularly.
I would greatly appreciate any advice or recommendations on how you or someone you know were able to calm your nervous system and remove yourself from fight or flight.
Thank you!
| 4 |
This one advice of a lifetime
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Hey everyone,
If you would give this one advice, the best one in your opinion, what would it be ?
Anything from health, style, social…
| 1 |
[TW: mania, ED) I don’t know how to make myself hungry anymore
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Hey guys, in about early-mid 2020 I had my first ever manic episode, and it completely ruined my life. Just before I started spiraling out of control, I had decided to change my eating habits to resemble a more ketogenic diet and I weighed about 220lb when I started.
As many of you probably know, mania can cause paranoia and psychosis, which I struggled with for too long before I realized how bad things got. I somehow convinced myself that ALL sugar is bad. I only ate meat, vegetables, and sometimes cheeses, and pretty much developed a fear of carbs for a while. I dropped to about 120 within about ten months. I didn’t exercise intentionally, but having a husky means I kind of have to get exercise just by entertaining and walking her, so that also accelerated the weight loss. People knew I was trying to lose weight, so everyone around me only praised me for putting so much effort in.
During this mess my body naturally stopped letting me know when I need to eat, and only recently did I see how much not eating a lot interferes with my daily life. When I say not a lot, I mean I forget to eat most of the time I’m at home, and if I do it’s like two eggs and toast or a fruit smoothie, sometimes ice cream if I feel something sweet. At work I usually eat the same thing, a small sandwich and Chobani yogurt drink, a granola bar, and sometimes a treat added like cinnamon roasted almonds. Most of the time, that’s what I eat in a day. I do try to make myself eat before work, but I work a 7 on 7 off schedule, so I usually don’t eat until I feel like complete ass near the end of the day for a week if I even realize that I haven’t eaten at all. Another problem to add, when I do eat it’s only a small amount because I get so full so fast. Finishing cliff bars is a challenge, and eating too much at once makes me feel sick. I drink a lot of water so that also makes me feel full when I’m really not. If my stomach does rumble (rarely), it’s usually at a time I CAN’T eat (shout out to understaffing in healthcare). It feels like a no win situation and I really want to break this “habit” (not sure if that’s the right word but it’s the closest I’ve got) of forgetting to eat. I’ve spoken to two physicians about it, and really the only education I’ve gotten from here is to just make myself eat more regularly and retrain my body, but I’m struggling to put a routine together to help me remember/get in that cycle so I’m hoping to get advice for that if you guys have any ideas.
I’m sick of the migraines, feeling weak, and being irritable, and I’m sure everyone around me is sick of the attitude too. I know I’ll be a better person in general if I can get over this hurtle. Sorry that a lot of this was a rant, but I welcome any advice to get some traction on this.
| 1 |
Day 10 | Month 2 | Year 0
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More work done, not close to finishing all though
Improvement: work done
Goals for tomorrow: Speedrun work so I can spend time learning what I want
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :|
Post written at 3:04am (even later I know)
| 1 |
I’d like to be more aware..of myself and others
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Hello..I struggle quite a bit sometimes to be aware of myself and my actions. I feel a bit self-obsessed and regularly forget to think about how the people around me may be feeling. It’s very odd, because I was incredibly empathetic for many years when I was younger. I worked as a nurses assistant for 6 years and gave every part of me to make sure everyone around me was okay and taken care of. This led to a very harsh burn out causing me to leave healthcare all together. In the couple of years since then, I feel like I’ve lost the parts of me that cared about other people. My mom passed away in March and since then, I pretty much don’t even think about anyone else. I’ve become so obsessed with myself and my thoughts. I feel like I’m becoming very ugly on the inside and I miss how I was before..how to I go back? I want to love people again. 🫶
Tldr: I have been struggling to care about other people since my job in healthcare and since my mom died. How do I start caring again?
| 1 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 18 of 180 self improvement plan
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Started my day, with a cup a tea and plain dosa. Students came in to give exam. One of them scored 17/20. I'm really hopefull that he'll score above 500 in NEET 2024.
Self study for a longer duration today. Completed chapter 8 ICT of paper1.
Went to the gym. Meet my old friend after a long time. Had a good chat with her.
Came home. Studied for a bit. Too a afternoon nap. Wrote 2 LinkedIn articles afterthat....
But, my plan was to write 1 blog post for real estate and edit the another one that I have written. Couldn't do that.
Went to a wedding 💒 of my friends brother. Couldn't skip it. Came home by 11. Was about to sit now to edit and write the blog post. Power shut down.
It's gonna be my first day, that I wasn't able to complete my Big 3 assigned for the day. Gonna get more focused from now onwards.
Wasn't on track for the plan today.
| 1 |
I don't know how to think and I'm not sure with anything
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I try my best to be a good person, and I always worry about my next action. But I can't help but feel like I have let my guard down at some point and just acted incorrectly, and that incorrect action will effect my future or hurt somone
I can't tell if I'm catastrophizing, or if it's actually a thing I need to worry about. Sometimes I question what is needed to be worried about and what isn't and wether I'm dwelling on something too much, or not enough, any advice?
| 2 |
Public Journal To Fix My Life | Day 12 of 90...
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Hello everyone. I hope you all are doing well. Here's a summary for new readers:
This journal is my way of holding myself accountable on my healing and self-improvement journey. It may not always be filled with exciting events, but it will always reflect my honest and genuine experiences. Now, let's dive into today's entry.
Today was a challenging and difficult day for me. I'm writing this in a state of mind where I'm feeling drained and overwhelmed. The process of self-improvement has been a constant battle with my negative thoughts, and I'm exhausted. It's disheartening to feel like I have to fight this mental battle every single day, and right now, I'm just tired.
I don't understand where these negative thoughts come from. Despite my efforts to do everything right, my mind keeps telling me that it's all pointless, that there's no hope, and that everything I'm working towards is worthless.
Today wasn't productive at all. I woke up late, took multiple naps throughout the day, and struggled to get out of bed until 4 pm. I didn't meditate, exercise, read, or accomplish much of anything. It feels like my old self has resurfaced, and I can't stand it.
I believe that the trigger for my current state of mind was the fact that I couldn't go to the disco as planned. I had been anxious about it all day, and not being able to attend, combined with the disappointment of not receiving any communication from the interviewers, has deeply affected me.
Both situations have left me frustrated. I now have to start searching for another internship, which is frustrating because most companies require experience even for entry-level positions. It's absurd because I'm just about to graduate. I've applied to over 50 companies in the past few months, both online and in person, and the outcome is always the same – no contact, no response. I even had an interview for a position at McDonald's, and I didn't qualify. How USELESS you have to be to NOT get a job at McDonald's???
What infuriates me even more is the attitude of recruiters and their false sense of positivity. They make you believe that you're a strong candidate, and you wait for weeks, mentally preparing yourself, only to never hear from them again.
The happened with the marketing internship. If you read my journal entry from that day, you would see how excited and hopeful I was. I thought I had it in the bag. The interviewer praised my work, said I was exactly what they needed, and even showed me the office. They told me to come back in a couple of weeks to discuss specifics and dive into the internship tasks. How can someone do that and then completely disappear? I'd rather hear a direct rejection or at least receive an email saying I didn't qualify.
This constant disappointment has severely impacted my self-esteem. I'm left questioning where I went wrong and what else I need to do to secure an internship. It's disheartening that these positions are often unpaid, and I'm left wondering what exactly companies are looking for.
I don't know what to do at this point. My ego was hurt, my self-esteem is on the floor, and imposter syndrome is creeping in. I'm tired, exhausted, disappointed, and infuriated.
Today was a horrible day, and this virtual journal is the only place where I can express my emotions and share my thoughts. Last week, I opened up a bit to someone, mentioning that I had been feeling depressed in the past few months, and their response was dismissive, saying things like, "How can you be depressed? You don't pay bills," and so on. It's disheartening to receive such comments, and now I feel
reluctant to share my feelings with them or anyone else. I don't have anyone I feel comfortable talking to about all this.
That's it for today. It was a massive L, see you all tomorrow.
| 13 |
Broadening the thought action repertoire.
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We’ve all been there. Hyped up with anxiety or anger. Or switched off in a depression. And when we’re there, we feel our options, thought-action repertoires are limited. Thought-action repertoires are the collections of thoughts and potential courses of actions immediately available to us as possible ways of responding to a situation.
These emotions: anxiety – preparing us for the real or imagined trouble ahead: anger – energising us to deal with the threat right now: depression – withdrawing us from the present arise from our limbic system. In evolutionary terms, an ancient system residing deep with our brains. A system we have in common with most other animals. And what an evolutionary advantage these emotions gave our ancient ancestors. Those able to perceive threats were one step ahead to deal with or avoid them. Those able to energise themselves immediately were better placed to win the fight or escape. Those better able to know when to withdraw often lived to see another day.
But. We no longer live as our ancient ancestors did. And, beyond the primitive limbic system – evolved to support us in surviving for longer – our brains have an additional evolutionary phase. The neo-cortex offers us the potential to not just survive, but to thrive. So, if evolution has provided us with this potential how do we take up this offer?
The answer provides another example of the practice of Solution Focused Hypnotherapy being supported by the wealth of research within wellbeing psychology. In ‘Broaden and Build’ theory, Professor Barbara Fredrickson has demonstrated that anxiety or anger narrow our thought-action repertoires. Equally, positive emotions broaden our momentary thought-action repertoires. They lead us to have many new thoughts about a wide variety of possible courses of action that we could possibly take. This broadening of our momentary thought-action repertoires creates opportunities for building enduring personal resources - that is, for doing things that will have a long-lasting beneficial effect on our lives. This, in turn, offers the potential for personal growth and transformation by creating positive and adaptive spirals of emotions, thoughts and actions.
The experience of positive emotions opens-up a wide range of thoughts about many possible courses of actions. When we act on these there is a high likelihood of doing things that will improve the direction of our lives in ways that will last well into the future and create opportunities for having more positive emotional experiences. Positive mood states broaden thought-action repertoires. Positive mood states also help people build enduring personal resources.
The practical application of this theory sits at the very heart of Solution Focused Hypnotherapy (SFH). We support our clients in moving the balance of control to reduce the influence of our limbic system and increase the influence of the modern neo-cortex. This creates the conditions for the positive and adaptive spirals of emotions, thoughts, and actions to grow. In turn, these lead to the client thriving in the ways they have chosen for themselves.
I have written extensively about this in a comprehensive case study which you can get for free. I won’t put a link on a post here however, it’s easy to find on my own little corner of the Redditsphere.
| 3 |
I'm starting to feel disheartened by attempts of socialisation when I see some of my friends lives,
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I always thought of that stat where they say unmarried women are happier, and think is it because the world in general is nicer to them?
​
So me feeling sad comes from 2 places, work and social events. At work - me(M) and my friend(F) joined a tech company a couple years ago, fresh out of uni. But I feel everyone at work is nicer to her compared to me. Things like - when she submits a pull request, and asks in the teams chat, getting a "looks good to me!", "doneso" or something, wheras for me, I get a git notification saying its approved. Or when I ask a question, the seniors just tell me to look at the documentation first, and answer hers. To be fair, it did help me a lot with my career - I got used to more niche tasks and feel like I'm learning a lot. Also to be fair to her, one thing that sucks for her is she getting pulled into party planning or other things which she doesn't like, and well now sometimes needs help from me on the advanced work. Which I noticed annoyed her a little. But this whole thing disheartens me socially.
​
At social events outside, I noticed I need to put a \*considerable\* amount of effort more. I went for different events for over a year to make new friends. I finally did find a few, but noticed when I was with a woman friend, it was insanely easy. Other women and men want to talk to us. We just had to stand at one spot and talk to each other, and be receptive of new people wanting to join in.
​
Honestly, I am having the moment of envy... and it happens a lot. Anything to help me cope with this emotion?
​
PS - for women reading in a similar boat or are in looking to be devs, I hope you don't feel too bad, and hope you're in an ok company, as my friend does have more exposure to higher ups and am confident will be progressing quicker in career, I on the other hand am switching companies..
| 2 |
narcissist trying to redirect energy any advice?
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How can I as a narcissist redirect my energy?
I recently concluded that I am, in fact, a narcissist, and it has been killing me and the people around me. I want to change, and I think one of the biggest steps I can take is redirecting my most prominent character flaws into more positive attributes.
these character flaws include;
-wanting everyone to like me
-wanting everything to be perfect
-taking things too personally
I’ve been thinking long and hard about this, but I can’t figure out what to turn these negative flaws into.
Also, I'm reading Laws of human nature great book
TLDR; I am a narcissist struggling to convert my character flaws into strengths. Any advice would be very helpful.
Update: my apologies for misusing the term narcissist I was in the heat of the moment writing this and it looks like I have low self-esteem.
| 18 |
My mother abused me for years. I went from Incel to Tate fan and I am now neither. I came to share my story and to self-refect on why I fell in to the traps.
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I posted this to my Facebook as I posted Tate-related content there and upset but also pleased a few people so I wanted to make my mindset adjustment public. I'm gonna copy and paste it here with some extra stuff that I didn't want to say on my Facebook because it would shit-stirr my family but I truly want to get it off my chest a day spread my message.
After taking plenty of time to think about it. I've decided that I am no longer a supporter of Tate. When you're just another one of the many young man outcasted by society, having your masculinity blamed for everything wrong in your life, bullied by the popular kids in school, never having a girlfriend and being blamed for all of those things, it's easy to see why I fell for his trap.
Having already left Incels and decided I want to try to improve instead of just giving up, I saw a man who told you it's okay to be masculine, it's okay to want the hot chicks, it's okay to want to drive sports cars, it's okay to want to be rich, it's okay to want submissive wives, it's okay to want to fight, it's okay to be a man! It's very hard not to be drawn to it in a world that tells you these things are toxic and will keep you celibate, that this is the reason women aren't attracted to you. Tate comes along with his 4 wives, videos of him with women in bikinis, his big muscular physique, his hundreds of millions of dollars and his 4 world kick-boxing champion belts to prove that notion wrong.
"If I'm such a misogynist then how come I'm fuckin' and you're not fuckin'? If I'm such a misogynist then how come women are coming to me?"
"All I talk about is how men are better than women and I'm still fuckin' more pussy than you are."
It's hard to argue with that point. The answer is because being a misogynist doesn't stop you from being attractive.
But, that doesn't excuse it. Tate knows with his money, status, physique, influence, accolades and confidence that he can still have a plethora of shallow women at his disposal and still get away with spewing his sexist vitriol.
"Women should not be allowed to drive"
"Women have been trading sexual favours in exchange for career advancements for decades, it doesn't make it sexual assault just because of the metoo movement"- Response to Harvey Weinstein's scandal
"When women end up in senior management it's nothing but a shit-show and a bitch-fest"
"I'm a realist and when you're a realist, you're sexist. There's no way you can be rooted in reality and not be sexist"
"When a woman marries a man, she belongs to that man"
"I was getting on a plane and I could see through the cockpit that a female was the pilot and I took a picture and I said, ‘most women I know can’t even park a car, why is a woman flying my plane?"
"A woman cheating isn't even on the same level as a man cheating"
"Female promiscuity is disgusting and it has been looked down upon in every era of human history to the point where a female could be executed for it."
"As they should be"- Another man on the podcast
"Get the rocks"- Replied Tate
Men, there's nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself! You can work out, figure out how to make money outside of employment, learn how to increase your testosterone, do NoFap, quit porn, jaw-maxing, eating clean, learning how to pick up women(and let's be honest, accepting that their advice on how to do so sucks 😅) learn a combat sport, have submissive women, be polygamous(as long as it's not deceptive). This is not cringe, it is called AMBITION! But here's the news flash:
YOU CAN DO THIS WITHOUT DEEANING WOMEN AND TRYING TO TAKE AWAY THEIR RIGHTS 🤯
Some people will call you cringe for doing this. Because they want to keep you on their level. Most women will say that you need to be a feminist or you will stay single and that self-improvement is cringe. But just laught it off, it doesn't matter. And no you don't have to be a feminist either. You can just be a respectful person who doesn't want to divert women's rights they are entitled to in the modern day.
The reason us sexless, emasculated, envious, unloved men felt compelled to him is because he offered a way out. A way out of the deception that you have to be feminine, emotional and deceived by fourth wave feminism to be accepted in society and have women attracted to you. This is a lie. When these young men fall for this lie, it becomes hard not to be angry and resentful when women do not act the way our parents, the education system and the media tells us they do. That they don't like the assholes, the bullies, the jocks, and yes... the MISOGYNISTS. We were told just being a nice guy who respects women is enough.
When this lie unravels, many unfortunately go one of 2 routes:
The red pill- Aiming for self-improvement and maximisation in every metric of your value(nothing wrong with that). But unfortunately then using this to control the women in your life and preach oppression to make things the way they used to be.
The black pill- Where men convince each other that they will never be able to obtain sex/relationships no matter what and their situation is inescapable, to just give up. Some of which tell others to rape women; some of which do. Some of which tell others to commit mass shootings; Some of which do.
Many men have now left the black pill because of Tate which is great and it is better they idolise him than murderers like Elliot Rodger and Alek Minassian or content creators like EggWhite and WheatWaffles. Some never were black-pilled but admire Tate for preaching masculinity and stoicism in a world that demonizes it. I will reiterate to those men- YOU CAN DO SO WITHOUT DEMEANING WOMEN
So why does Tate do this? 2 reasons:
1. He is a misogynist and wants women to be oppressed because he is threatened by their freedom and wants to enjoy the pleasure of seeing them controlled, at his service, being dependant on men, not being allowed to lead in any corporate or industrial organisations because he believes they are incompetent in doing so. He doesn't listen to his own rule here. But just because you want that and it is feels better to live that way as a man, doesn't necessarily mean you should do it.
2. He doesn't care about you. He really doesn't, he just wants to profit off you. He knew that targeting lost young men, a group that is hated, lonely and angry could be easily radicalised. Same as Hitler did with the Nazis by telling them it's okay to be German and then pointing the finger at Jews to blame them for all the injustice dealt toward them. It's a classic trick that is yet to fail.
Tate's mindsets are helpful in many ways:
"Do what needs to be done regardless of how you feel"
Beat Tate at his own game! Self-improve, do the hard work even if you don't feel like it! But draw the line with the misogyny because wven thought it FEELS tempting, comforting and easy to do so, doesn't mean you should. Having that said, it is painful for me to acknowledge I was wrong and deceived by this evil genius. It's also very satisfying to know that a certain someone was seeing me support ideologies I knew would never be approved of and that the brainwashing, abuse and manipulation I was subjected to wasn't working. I wanted to stick it to you and show you how wrong you were for trying to strip me of my masculinity. I hate that you will be releived I am moving on and respecting women and that you will feel justified in the way you treated me. But:
"The most important part of being a man is not doing what you want to do but doing what you have to do. Your feelings don't matter as a man!"
-Tate
Thanks for reading 💚
The "certain someone" was my mother. She made me sleep with her until I was 14, walked around naked in front of me and encouraged me to do the same. She would tell me my penis was big when it is in fact under-average. She used to constantly make small-penis jokes, say misogynists, show-offs and even rapists were projecting their small dick insecurity. She also told me my bullies had small dicks. This hurt when I realised I had one myself but she wouldn't listen and insisted me it was above average for my age and I'm still growing. My father on the other hand would open the door on me in the shower, wave his finger at me with a stupid smile and tell me I will never impress any girls with a small one. I of course didn't wanna say this on my Facebook with my real identity and my sister thinks my Mum is some kind of saint who can do no wrong and nags me for a justification for ghosting her and I obviously don't want to provide the details because a; I have to admit I have a small penis in order to do so and b; I know I will probably be accused of lying or just gaslight me and say it's all in my head.
The worst thing she ever did was when I told her this 13 year old disabled girl had a crush ok me and I was being bullied for it so she told me "I don't think I can trust you to not have sex with her. You have high testosterone and are treating girls like sex-objects." This is difficult to say but I remember never loving my mother again after she accused me of being a paedophile who would take advantage of a disabled THIRTEEN year old girl.
We suspect she has Munchausen Syndrome and she told me I was sick my whole life with things I wasn't. Every morning I had to wake up and drink celery juice with no breakfast be cause she was convinced I was poisoned with toxins I was given at the hospital as a baby after I got bitten by our cat.
She told me I was gluten and dairy intolerant, I have since eaten these things and am fine.
I had developmental echolalia throughout my adolescence(if you don't know, similar to Tourette's syndrome, causes involuntry ticks and is common in autistic pubsescents). Both my parents and my sister told me I was doing it for attention and I could control it. I would get bullied in school for it and they would continue to tell me I could control it or to just "cover my mouth" when I do it.
She told me that my sexual urges were unnatural and for a "boy like me", I should not be "Seeing women as sex objects":
This was her reaction to me telling her I would get erections and sometimes ejaculate when I saw sexy women in skimpy clothing and I tried to refuse going to the beach because of the women in bikinis but she would still force me to. I would usually rub one out before leaving if I had time or try to go in the water until the boner went down.
She also assured me before high-school that because I'm so handsome and "wasn't like the other boys"(respectful gentleman she apparently raised me to be) that I would be very popular with all the girls. When this didn't happen, she said it was because I must street them like sex objects.
She told me I was "addicted to masturbating": Apparently 4-5 times a day was addiction which in reality is just normal all teenaged boy stuff.
I explained that I was attracted to the hot women and not the nerdy ones like she told me to be and asked why this was. She told me it was because I had entitlement problems and it was due to my high testosterone. She said to avoid the hot ones because they are "too much drama" and that no matter what my girlfriend looks like, I will enjoy sex with her just as much because the emotattraction is what counts and hit girls will only manipulate me and take me away from her.
Because of this she would cry and hug me, telling me I was going to grow up to be a suicidal sex addict. She then went to the adult store and bought me a fleshlight as per my father and his friend's suggestion. She told me it would satisfy my urges and stop the spontaneous ejaculatiobs in public. I told her it wasn't do she threw it out and kept buying different variants, tryto find tge one that would work. None of course did.
She would tell me I needed to be saved to prevent myself from taking advantage of all the women with bad fathers who would want to sleep with me and I couldn't resist it because my testosterone was too high. She told me I needed treatment for my "hypersexuality". I told her I was hesitant and she would say "I don't know why you want to be a sex-addict. Why do you want to live like this? Why do you want to be a misogynist who abuses women? I could never deal with losing my boy, so please get the help you need.
She then took me to accupunctural therapists to give me treatment for hypersexuals that constricts blood vessels to the genitals and would convince him to administer it by telling him the same bullshit she told me.
I now look at my small penis and hate her knowing that it could've been even just a little bit bigger if it weren't for her "treatment" and I will never forgive her for the physical and emotional damage she caused me. There is so much more I could get in to about how she and my father too abused me but it's gonna be too long.
I always get worried when I see mothers who say they want their son to be "different".
"I don't want him to rape, be a patriarch, stalk women who reject him, embrace his emotional side, be attracted to strong and independent women" etc.
To those mothers. I am warning you, allow your son to embrace his masculinity, teach him to be stoic, if he has a father figure, let him influence him as an adolescent, let him be attracted to who he is attracted to. Don't be like my mother or he will resent you, he will he scarred for what you do.
Thank you if you read this far. Feel free to follow me for more and comment your thoughts.
EDIT: Some of you are saying I should report my Mum for sexual abuse. You do realise when I wrote "sleep with her until I was 14." I just meant sleep in the bed with her right?
EDIT 2: I have some advice for all the women here:
STOP saying that being a Tate fan/a misogynist/toxically masculine is going to stop you from getting laid and repulse women. This sees to be a lot of mother's go to method when they are afraid their son will become involved in this.
I'll tell you about one of my old friends from work. He was tall and muscular, won a state kick-boxing champion belt ad had a really hot girlfriend. He showed me all the different women on dating apps he was hooking up with and bragging about how he cheats on his GF. He was the first one to encourage me to follow Tate.
After seeing a guy who had a supreme sex life and and a p.h.d in getting laid. I realised that the "Don't do this because women won't like you" is a lie.
He drove a cool car, dealed drugs, was good-looking, could kick anyone's ass, told me cool stories of beating other guys up and stealing their girls. I looked up to him. So when he supported Tate so much, I realised that thus trope women tell us wasn't true.
Women, when you tell us this lie and we see it come undone. It makes OT hard to take you seriously. Then when we see manosphere influencers telling us everwomen say is a lie, it's easy to believe them. I am telling you, it makes the problem worse so please believe me.
| 397 |
Seeking Advice: How do you maintain a daily mental health routine?
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Hi, fellow Redditors!
As I grow older, I've come to appreciate the significance of prioritising my mental health, particularly when life gets more eventful and stressful. I'm reaching out to all of you to find out what your daily mental health routines look like and how you've managed to stick to them. I'm hoping to gather some insights and suggestions to help me overcome the challenges I'm currently facing.
Personally, I struggle with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), which makes it difficult for me to commit to a routine and follow through with it. I tend to have an "all or nothing" mindset and a perfectionist streak that often gets in the way. Lately, I've found myself in a bit of a rut, feeling like I lack any hobbies or interests. The search for the "perfect" routine or hobby has consumed me for the past couple of years if I’m being honest.
Unfortunately, this obsession has caused some negative consequences in my life. I've gained weight, become addicted to my phone as I endlessly research and gather knowledge before making decisions. Sometimes, this process can last for weeks or even months, especially when it comes to deciding on things as I just procrastinate. I desperately need help in creating a routine that keeps me engaged and fulfilled, but also that suits my two different work shift patterns as well as my day off on Mondays when I find myself feeling lost and purposeless.
I work from 08:00 - 17:00 on most days and from 11:00 - 20:00 on some days. The challenge I face is maintaining consistency and structure in my daily life, given the variation in my work hours. It becomes even more complicated when I have a day off on Mondays, where I often feel adrift without a clear purpose. I want to make the most of my time, improve my mental well-being, and engage in activities that bring me fulfillment.
Currently, during the week and on my days off, I find myself just going through the motions, particularly on the days when my partner is at work and I'm alone. I end up spending my time engaging in pointless activities that feed into my OCPD, such as excessive researching, obsessing, and constantly thinking about doing things without actually taking action.
Before I know it, the morning has slipped away, and it's already lunchtime. This is the same in the evening when I just get home from work and scroll on my phone all evening.
So, dear Redditors, I would greatly appreciate any advice, suggestions, or personal experiences you can share regarding your own mental health routines. How do you create a routine that you can stick to? How do you overcome the challenges of perfectionism or an "all or nothing" mindset? Have you successfully navigated similar situations and found ways to engage in meaningful activities? I'm open to any tips or recommendations, whether they involve mindfulness exercises, hobbies, self-care practices, or anything else that has helped you improve your mental well-being.
Thank you in advance for your support and insights.
| 2 |
How to focus on action, bettering oneself in the present moment?
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Often times, I don't really feel like it is my current self that I am trying to improve. I have a habit of getting caught up in the idea of things, staying stuck on my phone, and not putting ideas into action. I'm not experiencing the growth I'd like to have. Really, I'd like to live my days with more purpose and action, rather than being passive.
I'm trying to figure out what's stopping me, and how do I start?
| 1 |
Can't look after myself
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Hi, so this has been an ongoing issue for nearly 2 or 3 years now and its only continued to get worse. I can barely perform the most basic of self care nowadays. I haven't brushed my teeth in like 4 weeks now, and at best I'll brush them once a week. I also have a terrible sleep schedule and almost never clean my room. I don't even feel the urge to eat anymore, I still feel physical hunger pain, but I never want to eat and have to force myself to do so. The only shit I can bring myself to do really is shower but that's only because I feel disgusting when I don't and my hair becomes horribly tangled. When I do shower I just sit on the floor for 40 minutes. As well as this my mental health has hit an all time low, usually I just feel empty but sometimes I experience episodes of just complete self hatred/pity and sadness. I cry at every frustration. My grades are dropping in every class. I need to improve myself now 'cause I'm horrified of things getting any worse than they already are.
| 52 |
How can I stop feeling sad and jealous about not being in a relationship?
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My age is around 35. I am single and never have been in a love relationship before.
I always tend to feel jealous whenever I see couples in a relationship (both in real life and in social media).
It makes me feel upset that I'm not in a love relationship.
My jealousy is not the type whereby I wish harm to befall on couples.
It is actually more like a yearning on why I can't be in a relationship like them.
I know this is not right but I can't help feeling jealous.
I really feel sad deep in my heart when people around me (my friends, colleagues etc.) mention about their spouses, love partners etc.
It makes me feel like I am a unworthy person who is incapable of having a love relationship.
Sometimes when I am the only person working in the office for the day, I will be sitting in my desk and tend to shed silent tears thinking about why I am not able to find a love partner, whether there is something wrong with me, whether I am not destined to be in a love relationship in this life etc.
Tears will just keep rolling down from my eyes while I wonder why other people can easily find a love partner but not me.
Every night before I go to sleep, I will touch the side of my bed, feeling sad that it is empty. It makes me wonder if I will never experience the joy of having my life partner sleep beside me in bed at night in my life.
**How can I stop feeling sad and jealous about not being in a relationship?**
Sometimes, I will make some progress in self-love and then I will eventually get affected when I see some random couple in social media. I will then keep feeling sad once again.
I wish to stop getting affected by this as I feel it is bothering me a lot.
I look forward to your advices regarding this.
| 25 |
self image constantly changing?
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I (21F) have noticed my self image constantly changes. There are times where I think I’m not putting enough boundaries, I’m letting myself get run over, etc. Then I’ll go the complete opposite way, and I’m fully convinced that I’m a horrible person who is taking advantage of everyone and is manipulative. I don’t know how to deal with this bc situations can be complicated and there’s uncertainty. How do I deal with this? It feels awful emotionally
| 2 |
boundaries with parents?
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I (21F) live at home so I’m around my parents a lot but we don’t really have a relationship. I don’t drive so my mom is the one who drives me to work and such. I’ve noticed that when we drive, she’ll often go on rants/tangents about work, our family, church/family drama, etc. It’s not super heavy stuff but I still find that it drains me a lot and I get really irritated so I usually stay quiet and try to be as empathetic as possible. I don’t want a relationship with her for personal reasons, but I don’t know how to establish a boundary there bc I feel like I shouldn’t be drained by something so trivial. Any help?
| 5 |
Deciding who I am
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Hello everyone!
I know I just posted last night, however I have another thing that has helped me a lot. The thing I am talking about is not swearing, and that sounds really stupid and useless, however I think it can be under appreciated - and not by society. I grew up in a house that swore a lot, my parents didn't mind us swearing especially as we grew older. I'm saying this because I think a lot of the time people's excuse to swear is that they were born around it and the people who don't grew up in a house were no swear words were ever used. The thing that changed me was the pure want to not swear - and it came at a young age, however age has nothing to do with it. I grew up around cussing and swearing and it wasn't something rare - it was used multiple times a day. The thing that helped me and I think can help you as well is the idea of control. I don't swear, even when I sing along to songs with swear words, or watch movies that swear, or even in a conversation - even when I'm at a point of anger. The idea behind what I'm saying is I don't allow the environment to control who I am and what I say. It's increased the self awareness - when I'm singing along to a song and a swear word is used, in my mind I stop and I replace the swear word and sing the replacement instead. Doing this has increased the awareness as to what I say and how it sounds. This doesn't only apply to speech though, when you do this, you reflect on yourself, your words, your actions, and so on. Stopping on reflecting is incredibly powerful. Why am I using swearing as an example though? Swearing is a small step, it's something that's not hard to change and it's common in our world. Changing how you speak changes the world around you and the interactions between you and the world. It's a simple choice that has changed my life because it shows me I can control who I am and no word has power over that.
| 7 |
No matter how much self improvement I do, I still can't like myself
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I have way too many fucked up and bad genes to like myself. I go to the gym, but I don't achieve the results I want to.
I get the best haircut possible but I still don't like how it looks.
I put incredible amount of effort, time and money into fixing my wardrobe but still I look only slightly better or less worse.
I've changed my diet, my routines, I started reading more, I started studying more, I started working out more than I possibly can.
Still the progress is little to none. I feel like a polished turd.
I simply have horrible facial structure, teeth and my body looks funny (tall with long skinny arms, skinny calves and long legs).
I work on all of it for years but nothing seems to be getting better so I can like it.
The more I look at myself in the mirror, the more I hate myself. It's becoming hard to go to the gym, to keep the routine because I feel like it's pointless.
I simply cannot like myself. I try not to compare myself with others. I just want to find a way to like myself. But it's impossible, especially when no one has ever liked me. No one ever compliments me.
I believe that in such case to like myself will not be real, it will be a delusion.
I don't want to be delusional.
I want to be able to like myself for real. But I'm running out of things to try to improve myself. It just seems that no matter what I do, I am not destined to look good.
| 26 |
Writing does more than act as an outlet to the build up-
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I started writing some issues that have been tormenting my mind for the past three weeks (triggered by a new interaction). One sentence in I CRINGED SO HARD and had a reality check. Not that my feelings arnt valid , but it was just so funny to see just how silly my issues are.
Even when I have been truly hurt in the moment, looking back when I feel better definitely helped a lot. I just didn’t validate my feelings enough , or think my issues were ever that serious, to think they were worth writing down. Writing them down made me face the facts as they are and pin point to what was truly going on behind the chaos.
It made me feel better after analyzing them from an outside pov.
So write not just to reflect and let go, but to analyze and have those reality checks that either click in the moment or can click when looking back. Very much worth it🤍
| 9 |
How to find your life purpose?
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Hey guys,
I feel like all my life I've just gone with the flow, got into a career in finance (university, further qualifications etc) and I don't have any hobbies or talents really. My upbringing wasn't easy, I moved around a lot and moved abroad and my mental health has always been a problem (I understand people have it way worse).
I'm 28 and I've decided I want to change that. I love animals, the environment, mental health, art, photography, fashion, yoga.. basically this kind of stuff, however I have never pursued any of them (well not properly, I've dabbled) as I was led to believe that only a high paying office job was the way to go. I've been doing it for 3 years now and the thought of this being it is awful.
I'm also not naive, I know we all have to work and I don't have savings and I don't come from a wealthy family and I get that money makes the world go round. Is this unrealistic?
What should I do? Does any one have any experience in changing their career? Also, how do I pick something? There's so much I want to do... it's just picking something.. any suggestions?
Also, I'm also aware of the fact that I'm not naturally good at my current job. I just try very hard. Even though I haven't highly pursued the other hobbies I've mentioned above I feel like there's more natural talent there if you get what I mean?
Also, I travelled for a year and worked in hospitality and loved it, I like being on my feet and I also do not like the stress of the financial sector.. (not saying all jobs don't have stress, but if you have worked in finance you'll know the type of stress I mean)
Also I understand that 28 is still really young. I lost someone close to me a year ago, quite suddenly, and it's really made me realise life is short.
| 8 |
Focusing on my video editing work
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I try dating and finding someone to talk too but hardly find anyone so now I just working on my video editing and photography
| 1 |
40 days ago i quit porn + drugs. it’s been the most difficult and most meaningful 40 days of my life
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first few days were easy. momentum, starting something new etc…the week following was absolute suffering. i started taking a stack of supplements that really helped. the week after i didn’t know if i could continue and just wanted a hit of cheap and easy dopamine. i pushed through. got to day 20 and started to see the light. i would cry randomly. super weird and random but i know my body was healing…let go of a toxic relationship - really really manipulative and abusive. the light at the end of tunnel started to appear more bright. by the grace of G-d, i reached 30 days. i kept going. i’ve worked out 37 of the past 40 days while also meditating and praying everyday. started therapy. been going to meetings. only told some close friends. yesterday i hit 40 days and so many doors have started to open up, it’s actually mind boggling but also not surprising. i have so much clean energy. i’ve also been able to help a few of my friends and strangers. my friends who’ve seen me recently say there is a lightness about me and even my barber said i am so much more clear looking, just in my eyes…
i’m no longer reliant on “cheap” dopamine and quick fixes that exacerbate the problem. i’m confronting my problems. and although i still have a long way to go, i know 100% i’m on the right track and am not looking back.
happy to help anyone in need. or just chat. thoughts are more clear and i’m able to articulate much more effectively. so many other benefits as well…
stable mood
sustained happiness
sharper thinking
cardio is much better
i keep promises to myself and others
my outlook is much more positive
i feel i can achieve anything if i can do this
my hair, skin, and overall appearance is much better
i am enjoying life without relying on drugs
i can make plans and not have to worry about what mood i’ll be in the day of
resting heart rate is down substantially
waking up earlier
and my favorite - being more present in the moment
| 516 |
how to become more work minded
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as title says, lately i’ve lost a sense of responsibility and become much less work minded. i’m in my early 20s and i don’t have a job and a student but i have too much time that i waste on social media or temporary pleasures. how do i change my mentality to become more work minded ?
| 1 |
Why I can't love myself?
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I was bullied in my teen years from one person. I thought I forgave him. But now I realize that I must forgive not him but myself.
I feel like shit. I don't know how to forgive myself. I have this big wall around me that's protects me from people outside. How can I destroy this wall? How can I love myself with all this faults? Why can't I just be perfect? How can I define myself just about me not my qualities and my achievements?
| 3 |
Debt, Findom and Low Self-Worth has left my Mental and Financial health in ruins
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Throwaway for obvious reasons. Have marked as NSFW to be on the safe side.
I (24m) have been struggling with debt caused by a 4-year Findom addiction fuelled by a complete lack of self-worth. I feel completely and utterly alone, I crave attention and validation and I just feel like shit all of the time. I'm trying to be better, but I'm really struggling with it. I don't know how to break the cycle of the addiction - I keep relapsing. I'm a Bartender so I work fairly unsociable hours, meaning I never really get to see any friends or have much of a social life, but the job pays well and I can't afford to quit and find a job with more sociable hours. I also live in a different city to the rest of my family (and have done for the last 5 years) which has also taken a toll on my mental health, as well as the fact that my family are struggling without me around.
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I've joined the gym (although I haven't been yet) in the hope that finally sorting out my physical health (I'm around 15-20kg heavier than I'd like to be) will lead me down some kind of road to clearing my head, making me feel "well" and just help me recover from this addiction.
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I'm not quite sure what advice I'd like or need, I just needed to get this out in the hope that someone somewhere could offer some words that would help. If this isn't the right place for this post I sincerly apologise and would appreciate being redirected to a more appropriate place - I'm not a big reddit user. If anyone has any relevant questions or anything that might also lead to some help I'm more than happy to answer openly and honestly.
| 1 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 17 of 180 day self improvement plan
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Started my day with a aim of completing the Google Digital marketing certification course. And you know what. I did it. Finally. 17 days of straight effort has proven worthy.
Today's module was a see off into the realm of Digital marketing. I hope to land a remote job for a MNC.
Went to the gym. After a long time did a push workout. Amazingly my strength level are still intact. Did 80 kg dumbbell bench press for 3 reps. Did try 90 kg dumbbells for a single reps, but did require support at the end. Weight of the dumbbells are combined.
Taught kids ⚗️ chemistry in evening.
Self study a bit. I've joined a discord server to study more effectively. In this server, students keep their cams on. It helps to create a sense of accountability. That someone is watching. U have to do this.
Wrote to articles for LinkedIn.
On track on my plan.
| 1 |
Looking for an accountability partner
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Hi I’m an early 20s male working as a software developer full time looking for an accountability partner to keep me on track for my goals . I’d love to do the same for you as well just couple of times a week checking in on each other and see how our progress is . Would prefer someone in European time zone but even if you aren’t it’s not a big deal we can add each other on discord.
Current goals :
-Reading 30minutes a day
-Gaining 10kg(this one’s gonna take a while)
-Getting to my first pull up
-No fap currently on day 11 just to see how disciplined I can be .
-Doing more chores around the house
| 0 |
Day 9 | Month 2 | Year 0
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Ahhhh, I can’t follow a routine
Improvement: Work done?
Goals for tomorrow: More work done?
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :|
Post written at 2:37am (very late)
| 1 |
Watch out for energy vampires!
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If you got that good energy, watch out for the energy vampires who are wanting to steal it and leave you on empty.
It’s one thing for friends to call and want help problem solving but another to always call and vent just dumping their problems on you. You are not a dumpster!!
Set those boundaries. It’s ok to say no ❤️
| 69 |
How can I be more confrontational?
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While I consider myself a huge Introvert I'm also very talkative when I get to know a person a little bit more.
The problem Is that my introverted nature turns Into a problem when I have to confront someone.
I have that problem even towards my family members.
Today I got a haircut that wasn't to my liking due to a misunderstanding.
I realized the misunderstanding during the haircut but I didn't wanna confront the hair cutter.
I dislike this feature of mine so I came here to ask for some advice on this.
| 4 |
Public Journal To Fix My Life | Day 11 of 90
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Hello everyone! I hope you're doing well. **Here's a summary for new readers:**
This journal is my way of holding myself accountable on my healing and self-improvement journey. It may not always be filled with exciting events, but it will always reflect my honest and genuine experiences. Now, let's dive into today's entry.
Today wasn't the best day for me. Despite maintaining my morning routine, I woke up feeling tired and ended up sleeping in. After my routine, I started editing the pictures I took yesterday. Out of the 197 photos, I only ended up liking 4 after the editing process, which is quite normal. Those 4 turned out really well, though.
I posted the pictures online and then waited for my therapy session. While waiting, I found myself getting anxious about going to the disco later in the evening. I was on the verge of canceling on my friend but decided to be honest and express my feelings to him, which was a positive step for me. I usually struggle with sharing my emotions.
During the therapy session, my therapist commended the progress I made this week. We focused on discussing self-esteem and how I shouldn't wait to have the ideal body to start loving myself and seeking love. I was encouraged to accept myself as I am and work through any insecurities or doubts. Although it's challenging for me to fully accept this right now, it's an important lesson to learn.
After the therapy session, I was exhausted and didn't feel like going for a run. However, I pushed myself to do it anyway. While running, I visualized myself being talkative and friendly at the disco, planning out how I would act and setting positive affirmations to mentally prepare myself for meeting new people.
After the run, I took a warm bath and got ready to go out. I felt confident and good about myself. However, things took a turn for the worse when I couldn't withdraw the $20 needed for the cover charge. The bank app stopped working, and I waited until midnight in hopes that it would start functioning again, but it never did. This disappointment frustrated me because I had mentally and physically prepared myself to go out, and when plans don't go as expected, it tends to affect my mood.
Despite feeling drained and disappointed, I didn't let my emotions dictate my actions. Just as I pushed myself to run earlier when I didn't feel like it, I pushed myself to write this journal entry. That's how I ended my day. I plan to continue reading the book on how to talk with people and then get some rest. Tomorrow, I might distract myself by going out to take more pictures.
Thank you for reading. See you all soon!
| 8 |
I get real jealous and left out when my partner goes out with his/her friends.
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I want to say this is I feel like I'm very jealous person. I have a gf she's like the best person I've met we are together for like 3yrs now. We've been preparing for a exam sadly she passed and i didn't, I'm not sad about it i will try and i am confident I'll clear it this yr. But that's not the point what I want to say is I don't know why but when she's with his cousin drinking or with friends partying, enjoying i feel left out and i feel jealous, terrible. It's hard to explain because I know that's just illogical and doesn't make sense but i do it doesn't matter if it's her f friends or m friends.
Look we didn't had that many friends while we were studying it's was just her and me, most of the time she used to be with me studying maybe that's the causes it idk I'm really confused.
She's not the kind of person who'll cheat on me I know that much and i have zero doubts about it.
I want to sort this thing cuz i feel like it'll ruin our relationship and she don't deserve to this.
I'm trying mindfulness meditation it helps but i wanna know if someone's been through this and how did they sort it out.
| 2 |
A piece of advice that has changed my life (For the better)
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I've been having a hard few years, to shorten the story, let's just say my father is a large narcissist - to an ugly amount that is hard to wrap my head around.. However through the 3 years this has been going on, through months of depression and wanting to end life a few times, I discovered something that has helped me. I'm only saying that because I went from months on end of depression to not being depressed for a few months at a time. (Note that my "depression" isn't one diagnosed)... This thing I learned is hate... That sounds backwards, however I'm finding it true, I had to know hate and disgust to understand myself. There's a power in understanding it - in fact I don't ever not let myself feel hate or sadness for that fact. The thing that helped me is listening to it, I let myself feel that anger (preferably alone) and I allow that. As long as I am not hurting others or myself or the property around me, anger is perfectly fine to live in my being. I sit in anger and sometimes I write, other times I don't. However, once you know anger, you know there's a point where it either feels forced or it's tiring. It's in those moments when I sit and ask myself "why was I feeling that way?" and the thing about that question is you have to actually want the answer, and you can't lie to yourself. I then give myself the credit as to "Hey, I understand how that is angering and why you feel that way" however there's a time when those feelings only hurt me. A parallel example would be to say if I hated the way I looked. If things were out of my control and I just HATED how I looked, well, I can hate how I look, but it's only affecting me at the end of the day. Other people will see me as a human - and that's what I am. So yes, anger, at some point, is only hurting you. Once you come to terms with that and you're honest with yourself there's a lot of peace that comes. I think I should also throw in that I highly recommend everyone to learn about who they are. A lot of peace is me understanding who I am and why I'm feeling that way. A large piece of that anger was the fear of pattern, and that thing to happen again. I had to learn that to show myself how I can change for the future and allow that anger to resolve its self. I think a lot of healing is understanding yourself to a deep level and truly wanting answers. I don't allow myself to say "I'm fine" when I know for a fact I'm upset. It might take tears or screams, however the peace that comes after those are understood is unmeasurable.
That's just what has helped me. I find myself seeing the joy in life and while I'm not the same person around those who've hurt me (I've actually thanked those who hurt me, because without them I wouldn't know who I was) I don't have anger or hatred towards those people anymore.
| 7 |
I have been going to the gym every 3 days for the past 2 weeks. It's a start.
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Hey all. Just wanted to write this down somewhere. I have been overweight since I was 16 years old. I worked out routinely through college, but I was never able to completely lose the weight. I am 6'1" and have a very thick frame, so at my most active I was still around 235 pounds.
After college I really struggled to keep weight off. I became very sedentary, partied way too much, and drank like alcohol was free. I eventually started law school, which stressed me out and ate up all of my time. By the time I left, I was 290 pounds.
A few years later, COVID hit. I had a mental health crisis and became so depressed that I could not get off of my couch. I ballooned up to my heaviest weight in my life - 330 pounds. I couldn't walk up stairs without losing my breath. I saw photos of myself holding my friend's newborn and felt like a whale. Even my friends started to pull me aside privately and ask me if I was ok and whether I've seen a doctor lately.
In March of 2021, I decided enough was enough. I decided to tackle my problems head on. I started with my mental health. I was constantly angry, erratic, and depressed, so I doubled my therapy appointments, got in touch with a new psychiatrist for diagnoses and medication, and voluntarily checked myself into group therapy. I started to feel better and, as a result, I started to eat better. I also became properly medicated, which helped me lose some of the weight as a side effect.
Once I felt normalized psychologically, I talked with my wife about our future. We both agreed that we want to start a family soon, but I told her I need to finish my story before we do. I looked at myself in the mirror and said I needed to get back to the gym. I didn't want to risk bringing a child into the world only to leave them without a father because I couldn't get my weight down.
I struggled for the last 4 months to get to the gym. I thought of it as a monolithic activity and built it up in my head as something I couldn't do because I didn't have time or clothes or anything. About 2 weeks ago. I saw my wife looking at one of her best friends' SM account announcing she has had her second baby. All of a sudden, everything came into focus. I stopped procrastinating and got back to the gym. I have tried to go about every 3 days. It's not much, but it's a start. I want to be a great husband and, eventually, dad more than anything else in life. This is my fire. I want to keep fanning it so I keep going back.
Between medication and diet, I've brought my weight back down to 278 pounds as of two weeks ago. I want to get down to 230. My doctor says that it would be a healthy weight considering my body type. I need to keep exercising to hit that goal. It's going to take a very long time, but now I at least have hope. I just hope my resolve doesn't break the next time I experience depression. But I will do everything in my power to keep going.
I want to be a dad. I want to be around for my kids for the rest of my life. I want to finish my story. I have made some good choices recently. I just hope it's enough.
| 28 |
I need help with starting. Everything.
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I had enough and I'm desperate for help, I just can't start with anything really.
Context about me, 25F, stable job(software engineer), great working environment, loving family, but it's just me. Lately, I've been feeling really crap about myself because I felt like I've hit a plateau in my life. No advance, no reverse either but I have a really strong desire of wanting more in terms of personal development. But I really can't start for whatever reason.
I admit that I have a really bad corn addiction(which I relapsed so many times) and not to mention tiktok's and YouTube too. It feels second nature to pop-up a chrome tab and open YouTube and mindlessly watch anything that is being presented at me to the point that I'm mad at me for opening YouTube, just to find myself autopilot watching them again.
In terms of work, I did try to explore my field out on my own but it's always the same. I find it really difficult to start. I have few tabs opened ready for my learnings then boom. YouTube. I just can't seem to stop. Not to mention I have almost lost every ounce of passion and love for my hobby which is gaming. I can only think about playing, but playing them is a different ask.
It's the same thing, I can't even seem to start. It's like my engines are fired up with a full tank, but I just can't seem to hit the gas pedal.
| 7 |
A Weird Study Hack You Need To Try
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# The Strange Study Hack
**Clenching your fist while reading** may seem like an unusual technique, but it can have surprising benefits for your learning and comprehension.
# The Benefits
The physical act of clenching your fist activates the muscles in your hand and arm, which in turn stimulates the neural connections in your brain.
This increased neural activity can help **improve focus and concentration, making it easier to absorb and retain information.**
Clenching your fist can also serve as a grounding technique, providing a physical anchor that **helps you stay present and engaged in the material you're reading.**
Additionally, this technique can activate a mind-body connection, **enhancing your overall cognitive processing and memory formation.**
So the next time you find yourself struggling to concentrate while reading, try clenching your fist and see how it positively impacts your learning experience.
# Want More Content Like This?
Did you find this content helpful and want more?
If so, give us a follow over at Instagram : growwithkaiden
| 6 |
Who are examples of bad people changing for the better?
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Okay this is the third time I asked this on a subreddit, but I just wanna have people to look up to as I'm changing myself aswell. Plus the last sub I posted this in didint take it too seriously lol.
| 1 |
He leaves for 50+ days, and I am a girl in love.. and lost
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wow. this must be the only sub reddit I really browse. because in this moment of absolute and utter sadness you are who I write to. my heart is broken. I am broken. I know I am. I've been on and off with this boy. angel in my eyes, if you will. we made love tonight. I've obtained my love - stayed for so long because of the inner shame and hatred I have for myself. I genuinely hate myself and I'm not sure I'll ever change. I'm a hypocrite making any sort of comment on any posts. I'm 21. I'm stupid. I'm a girl with no clue. I cry like my heart has been stabbed a thousand times. I have no idea about this world, let alone this thing called love. I lust so hard. But my brain and my thoughts remember my old yet fresh, and young, relationship. I am in love yet again. What a disease for my brain. Mascara is definitely streaming down my cheeks. How fucking pathetic, I wish I would die. He is, in 3 days, bound for Europe. Over 50 days to get really into the nitty gritty. I hate myself. I hate that I care, and wish I was bound for this foreign land with him. I hate that I care. I hate that I wish I could go with. I hate that I love him so fucking much and wish every being of my soul to be with him. I don't even care if I am the most embarrassing fucking thing, person?, right now. I am living and in heart break. My best friend is my rock and my soul. I have people who love me around me. I will no end this existence. But sure be true, I will suffer and lust and cry. I cannot stop. Passion has a dark side, another edge to this sword. It cuts me so ever so deep, makes me naive and stupid all over again. I am a love lust woman with no thoughts. I will get drunk tonight. Manipulate every thought into something meaningful. And will realise my next two months of suffering, pain, joy, enjoyment, success, failure. He will return. And the real fun will begin. I wish he were to devote himself to me, but perhaps I would not be in such hysteria if that were the case. I hate myself, I love myself, I love him. I am forever saddened and in complete euphoria.
I am in love. He is in love? Maybe? I have caused far more miscommunication than I am prepared to admit. Let me sip on this sweet sweet sparkling wine. Funny. My mascara is waterproof. I cry like a bitc\* in love but am composed? I am repulsed except for him. I am repulsed by myself. I will be fine in the future, but for now, as I drown myself in the euphoria of alcohol, I will remain in sadness, suffering, longing... If you are a man reading this, a woman who truly whole heartedly loves, is likely in hurt when away from you. And woman reading this, well haven't we fucked up, letting ourselves be swept so miraculously by a man, another person... I love woman and also hate my womanhood. A slave to our endless passion, desires, fuck I wish to be a mother some day, and I wish for a carer, and I wish to fearlessly support my family and care for everyone, and be everything at once. I am everything. I am breaking down and I am crazy. I want to be everything. I want to be nothing. Stay away from me, but respect me, but stay close, but stay the fuck away. I am too young, I am too old. This internet, what is it. I am lost but found. I am breaking down but free.
| 2 |
Struggling to employ strategies from “Tiny Habits” book
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Lately I have been bedridden, either sleeping or on my phone. I saw some strategies in tiny habits about starting a really easy version of a habit such as flossing one tooth only to be more motivated. The thing is though as a high school student I cant afford to do this. I cant just afford to do this with showering, or brushing my teeth, or doing homework. I cant just brush one tooth, dip my toes in the water, and finish one homework assignment and call it a day. I also cant use any habit anchoring techniques because the only thing I have a habit of doing this past two weeks is laying down in my bed, drinking water, and eating. I just feel frustrated and defeated, I don't know how to get out of this situaton.
| 8 |
Finding purpose
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Second time writing this because my phone had died mid-post and deleted all my progress. You'd better believe I was so ready to throw my phone at the wall. Guess that's on me for not paying attention to my battery level.
Anyway, for the past year to year and a half or so, I have began to notice that things just...aren't exciting anymore. I used to noodle around with music and music theory. I used to come up with ideas for short stories, I'd play around with computers, I'd study astronomy, and I loved math. Today? Music is just...meh. Sometimes I'd force myself to sit down and write a song so that I'm engaging in something productive, only to eventually scrap the project or decide that it's not worth my time.
Same with the rest. Literature is just meh, math is meh, computers are whatever, and astronomy is just whatever now as well. Nothing is exciting anymore. These days I mindlessly scroll through Reddit, watch YouTube, watch some occasional porn, and shovel junk food into my mouth so I can at least feel something, no matter how unhealthy or meaningless it really is. Every day is full of cheap dopamine fixes.
Every day I'm seriously to begin re-considering suicide more and more. I already attempted a few years ago, and the biggest problem with suicide is my mom. Even though I survived, my attempt ruined her. My father died when I was 5, her older brother died about a year ago, and her mother (maternal grandmother) passed about 3 years ago. Not to mention her dad's time is coming pretty close to being over as well, from the looks of it. If I did this, she would have almost nobody. But it's becoming hard to resist, because life is just so much effort for nothing in return. I have ADHD, so everything requires about 10x more effort than it would compared to your average person. It feels like a monumental task to do the things I need to do. I'm 19 and still a sophomore in high school for christ's sake. It feels like a monumental task to even look at my homework assignments. I can't take ADHD medication, because I have high blood pressure, which are stimulants and therefore increase blood pressure. So my life is basically trying to swim against the current and failing miserably, with your only option to let the river sweep you away. Combine that with the fact that I was just born this way and there's really nothing I can do about it. Sure, by some miracle I can lose weight and take the medication, but that's more of a treatment, not a cure. There's a sense of hopelessness in realizing that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to live a normal life. If life is just going to be full of bullshit, what's the point in even trying?
I guess, my question here is, what can I do? I already attend therapy and have taken this to the therapist in question. But it feels as if my life currently is stagnant and that it's not going to go anywhere unless I do something, and I'm not going to want to do anything unless I find motivation or purpose somehow. Thanks in advance.
| 2 |
I feel so empty despite having a good life and I wish i never existed
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Hi, I know a few people have posted something like this before but Ive tried all solutions from other posts and yet have been going around in circles.
I've been working since I was 21 (am now 24). I have a pretty good job for my age and able to live a very good lifestyle and am very grateful for it. Yet, I feel empty.
Ive never really had an ambition, and still don't. My job consists of me replying e-mails for a tech company and theres not much workload. So I do have energy to do things after work but it feels like a temporary distraction from the void within me.
I have great close friends who are my support system, and I occasionally go out with them and feel better like 2 hours after. But it also just feels like a distraction. Now it's to the point where Im not even excited to go out with them anymore because i feel empty even around them.
Ive pursued hobbies seriously (such as going to singing classes) and even casually (like doing tiktok dances and playing games) and yet its just another temporary distraction
I go to social meetup events as well to meet new people. Ive also made new friends in bumble bff. I live with good housemates and go back home to visit my family occasionally. But everything is still so empty.
I do Yoga and dance workouts.
I used to be religious but somehow religion sometimes just fuels me with anxiety (like I would feel guilty for not being Grateful to God etc..) so I took a step back from it for a while.
Everything just puts me in circles. Emptiness -> Distraction -> Emptiness
-> Distraction
The only advice I havent followed is find another job that Im passionate in (due to economic and financial reasons). Teachers, doctors, lawyers all arent compensated well in my country and people are quitting left and right. I chose to stay in my job as its stable and with my current situation I cant risk financial instability.
Life is so pointless and I constantly wish I never existed (not in a suicidal way just a I dont wanna be here type of way)
If anyone has been through the same experience and found a way out please enlighten me. Ived tried all the things I can do in my situation to be better but everything just goes back in circles.
| 130 |
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