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Lost my FAANG SWE job and girlfriend broke up with me
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27M, no college degree, got my dream job after busting my ass off for years and I wasted it all on partying and drugs. My team did their best to string me along but I couldn’t even maintain the bare minimum expectation. I live in a VHCOL area and have a bit in my 401k and like 15k to my name with a fuck ton of debt to match (10k credit, 20k school that I dropped out of). Haven’t been doing any leetcode or self-improvement, lease ends this month.
This is the post that I am about to write if I don’t get my shit together. It’s not going to happen overnight, but I made this decision 3 weeks ago. I keep playing a tough game of letting the loser in me beat the part of me that wants to spend every second of every day bettering myself. No more. We’re going sober except for partner experimentation. We are focusing solely on finding a new place to live, job, and fitness. My girlfriend is moving forward in life and I would rather not be left in the dust, because I wouldn’t blame her if she moved on at this moment in time, but I’m hoping I can beat this loser-phase window and fix things before our limit is reached. For myself and for her.
| 7 |
"Imagine a better future and set reachable goals with steps" what if I can't?
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hello all,
I don't know what they call this method, someone suggested it for me to use it to get out of my dark whole.
Just wanted to ask what do you think of this method?
My first problem with it, I don't have wishes for the future beyond getting any office job (my original problem is finding work as an older person with not much of experience and no love for my field of work), I don't have dreams of any kind, I wouldn't hate it if I was successful or had these things but I don't feel that hungry for them, my spiritual status is also conflicting with putting goals, X salary, X wife, X Car, X house, .... I know they're not immoral goals but I don't want to lie to myself when I answer the question, I just don't imagine any of that, I also don't want to build big hopes then get crushed if it doesn't happen.
is this method not for me?
| 1 |
I don’t want to be bitter and envious of everyone
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I get extremely jealous when I hear people talk about their lives. Living with their parents that love and support them, going to school, having friends and a social group, generally just not struggling to survive. I know I’m not the only one that struggles to exist but I just can’t help but get so jealous of people that seem to have it so easy. When I hear people complain about things like “mom said she’d grab chips at the store and forgot” or something else extremely privileged perspective it can make me angry. I’m 21f if that helps
tl/dr: I don’t know how to stop comparing my life to others and getting mad that I don’t have what they have
| 208 |
Finally caught up on laundry
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This week I finally folded the piles of laundry that have been sitting washed but not put away for months/years. My depression and bandwidth was so very low going into the pandemic, and it only got worse from there
For several months I actually paid a laundromat to wash and fold the essentials because I couldn’t keep up, but stopped because it was expensive and the laundromat lost some of my favorite articles of clothing
Myself and my family have always had clean clothes to wear but what would happen was each person would get their own clean clothes hamper and a dirty hamper so things rarely got folded, especially sheets and towels, just go from one hamper to another and skip the closet entirely
This week I spent many, many hours folding and putting away everything, and re-arranging spaces so everything fit inside the under used drawers. Even though it’s seems so futile since we are going to wear the clothes and need to wash them again soon, I feel as though it’s a huge step for me personally. I feel more organized and capable. I just wanted to brag about it because nobody would ever know unless I shared with them that I was struggling so badly. It really was a symptom of a bigger problem
I know people say to let the dust accumulate, the dishes sit unwashed, and the laundry go unfolded and enjoy your life and your kids while they are still young, but for me personally I enjoy life so much more and release so much pent up anxiety when I’m in a clean environment and everything has a place. I also think while it shouldn’t be the number one priority all the time, I still need to set a better example for my kids so they can one day manage a clean and healthy home when they are adults
| 7 |
help me guys I need you I am 16
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Before You skip this please don't I need you help, I am 16 years old, I am addicted to all bad habits, I have no friends, I have never get a girlfriend, I have really done nothing with my life, I cant drive a bike, I have no experience at everything, my family think I am crazy, And people in my hood Think I am crazy too, They Laugh At me All the time, I cant do nothing about it, And the craziest thing, I start feeling like its too late to start Changing my life At 16 years old, I start daydreaming while I am walking and in front of people, I think I will go crazy, Don't live Me please, I am not Okey, Can someone chat with me please, Don't live me man please, Someone chat with me guys. please
| 0 |
Here to help you in anyway I can
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Hi everybody!
I was reading through and saw tintin4126 post and got inspired! I always had a passion in life for advising people to do the things that make them happy/improve their lives. I really am just offering my advise for anything you may need or be going through. I can’t do voice calls atm but I will message you on a consistent basis! Just let me know what you need and I’ll try my best to help.
| 3 |
Is it okay if I share some of my videos relevant to this subreddit?
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Hi, I make philosophical, educational YouTube videos, I have a few which would align with the topic of this sub-reddit & I was wondering if it was okay to share them?
The topics I have made videos about & I think are relevant are:
* Pacifism (Pursuing diplomacy over violence)
* Egalitarianism (Abstaining from discrimination of others)
* Veganism (Abstaining from direct & indirect cruelty)
* Stoicism (Finding ways to cope with stress & remain positive)
* Honor (Moral Code)
* Secular Humanism (Thinking from an objective perspective, rather than traditions).
\------
I am new to YouTube & am looking to build an community-based audience revolving around self-improvement, critical thinking & kindness.
| 0 |
I think it’s time for anti-depressants…
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I’ve always been averse to pills, but I think they’re my only option at this point. Spirit is gone, motivation is gone, and my soul is on empty. So many great things are just out of reach and my daily routine is just waiting for nighttime so I can justify checking out and putting the day behind me.
Who’s got the pros & cons, as well as some personal insight before I see a doctor?
Thank you:)
| 15 |
I just can’t stop feeling like I’m a loser. How do I stop?
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I wrote about this before previously but it is something that kinda eats away at me.
I’m 22 years old and I have never had a job, gone to college, or really just done anything with my life since graduating high school.
The reason is because I was heavily and violently mentally and emotionally abused by my parents. I was brainwashed by them heavily and I was practically forced to take care of my disabled grandmother after high school, the other alternative was her being sent to a nursing home which she didn’t want.
My grandmother passed away after being on hospice for two months. I was also her main caregiver during this. Since 2019, I’ve neglected everything.
I just feel like I’m such a loser and a failure like I practically haven’t left the house since 2019 (when I graduated high school). I have no friends, I have no family members. I only have a long term significant other and their family member.
I just can’t stop feeling this way. As I said, I’m 22 years old and I have never had a real job. I never went to college. I have no skills. I have practically nothing going for me.
I’ve applied to jobs since freaking March but I guess nobody wants to hire a 22 year old with no job experience or just anything valuable or useful. I don’t want to join the military because frankly, I don’t think I could mentally handle it. I can’t do school without money because I don’t think I’m going to pull any scholarships at my age.
I want to stop feeling this way but I just don’t know how. I don’t know how to be kind to myself. All I feel is disappointment and embarrassment about myself.
| 5 |
I will be your Personal Habit / Goal Partner
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Are you feeling stuck in a rut, struggling to make progress on your goals, and constantly searching for the motivation to move forward? I’m happy to help you build a system towards your goals.
I understand how frustrating it can be when you've tried numerous strategies and techniques, yet nothing seems to work consistently. That's why I believe in the power of taking small, actionable steps towards building a better life. I'm here to provide the accountability you need to make lasting changes.
**Here’s how it works:**
* **Listening**: We can hop on a call and you can tell me about what you might be struggling with as a person. We’ll talk about your goals, habits, and ultimately what you want your life to look like.
* **Building**: I’ll share what I think could best help you, it will most likely be a system that you can follow on a daily basis. We’ll start small and then consistently make steps forward.
* **Accountability**: I’m available daily and when I mean daily, I mean close to 10-12 hours a day to help you. This can go on for a couple months, just to make sure you build a lasting habit.
**Why I’m doing this:**
* I have a system that I’ve tried that I want other people to try. It’s helped my life tremendously and I’m hoping it can do the same for others.
* This is completely free and I will give you hours upon hours of accountability, all that I ask is that you try it with an open mind and earnest effort.
* I would like to see exactly what helps people, a lot of posts are outlining similar problems and being able to make an small change would be interesting.
So, if you're tired of feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, and you're ready to commit to making a change in your life, reach out!
| 29 |
Thank you, breast cancer - I was finally born from ashes
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Hi!
I had a diagnosis of triple positive breast cancer at the end of the last year.
During the process, I underwent through chemo (I met the red devil) and suffered from every single adverse effect or complication I could have. I totally lost my strenght for about three months and barely could talk without getting dizzy. I had mastectomy with reconstruction and everything was fine.
My mental health was pretty bad. My 10yrs+ ex broke up suddenly, guilted me (as did her friends...and I believed) and blocked my phone and messaging apps. She made me feel a fail for having my life goals potentially delayed due to cancer. I got severe depression and invested a lot on my mental health.
Meanwhile, I took antidepressants and had therapy after therapy. I went to my medical internships on pain (physical and emotional). My butt was hurting and bleeding while I was examining my patients. I had to read an assessment for one hour and stopped a couple of times because I was tired and refused to continue another day because I really wanted to finish. I did a lot through pain and suffering, but I did it...and I never had this self-proud feeling!
The emotional pain was so bad that also led me to coming out to my family and friends. I had dates (surprise: cancer patients are still sexy and very interesting) and met new people, created more friendships, finished my medical degree (ups...my life didn't get delayed), made a sexy tattoo and bought a SUV...oh, and have new and improved boobs. I feel me an interesting and charming person now. I feel me attractive for both sexes (I wasn't at all). It's odd, but I swear that something changed in my physical appearance (not the boobs thing😅), expression and self-confidence.
Today I feel very grateful for my disease after everything that happened to me along the journey. I wasn't living at all and everything really changed for the best.
| 7 |
What's the most powerful or transformative lesson you've learned while striving to improve yourself?
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For me, the most powerful lesson I've learned on my journey to self-improvement has been the importance of self-compassion. I used to be so hard on myself, and it only made me feel worse and less motivated. But when I started being kinder to myself, I found that I could make more progress and feel more fulfilled.
I'm not perfect, but I'm learning to be okay with that. I'd love to hear your most powerful lessons learned - what's the one thing that's really stuck with you and changed the way you approach your journey of self-improvement? Whether it's a specific insight or a piece of advice, share it here and let's all learn from each other's experiences
| 103 |
How to accept that life is unfair and that working towards the life I want will be painful?
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I was a physically weak and anxious child burdened with strict parent expectations and the pressure that comes with people calling me 'gifted.'
I used overachieving/overthinking and escapism to deal with pain my whole life.
Severe allergies/constantly getting sick in spite of health efforts would just amplify the constant feeling of pain and not being able to keep up.
--
Job history:
Data entry job was toxic and not what I wanted to do.
A research gig made me aware of insecurities which carried onto my future jobs.
Coding job resulted in getting little sleep and a breakdown, and I only pushed through due to supportive colleagues (and social pressure), but I left not wanting to do it anymore.
My dreams of pursuing music were shot down by my family, experiences with social/performance anxiety, and the effort that it would take to make a living. It also doesn't help that I was actually forced into it, so doing it as a living would carry a lot of emotional baggage.
I try to do freelance writing on and off. I've lucked out a few times, but shit job listings/clients make me step away.
I haven't worked in the food industry, but my friends who constantly talk about their horror story of the week and other physical health concerns make me aware that it isn't a good fit. I've worked concession stands a few times and just... Nope.
--
College was a terrible shitshow that I barely managed to finish. I burned out big time. I felt betrayal/had terrible realizations about my family (who essentially made it so that I lived/worked for them while in college). Trauma, etc. Moved out.
I've been privileged with hella savings from my previous jobs, some inheritance money/gifts, and a sympathetic and helpful SO. I am trying to make some side cash with art and art is the only thing I have left. But it isn't working that great.
I did therapy for a few weeks but it drained a lot of my savings before I could make significant progress.
Time is running out for me. And money. Now in my late 20s. I've been in slightly better physical health....
But recently my SO talked about a relative who is similarly struggling to me but much older and getting progressively worse. This talk started because said relative's partner spent a lot of his time venting to my SO. I fear that I will head in that same direction.
I'm considering my plan B's. Getting back into freelance writing or getting training for a tech job. I already foresee myself either becoming really bored or overworked with even less time for my hobbies/relationships. Said hobbies were things I used to avoid and am picking back up again for my mental health.
I've been emotionally neglected/abused and isolated, but even in that environment I was a lot more hopeful and oblivious to how much suffering the average person goes through just to put food on the table. It almost makes me sympathetic to my own parents who were miserable and tired all the time.
It's like I either become like my SO's relative's wife or my parents. Or I die as myself.
Even in this pathetic rut with my anxiety/despair about the future, this is the healthiest and strongest I've ever felt.
| 1 |
How to build authentic confidence?
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I've always been a pretty insecure person, and it has been exacerbated by a few unfortunate relationships, some personal mental health issues, and a number of other things that I am too embarrassed to go into detail on. I was an insecure child who has now become an even MORE insecure adult, which is not conducive to being a well-rounded, authentic, and present human.
I have an incredible partner who has really helped me work on this over the last year. He's smart, kind, emotionally mature, and an extremely well-adjusted human. He has confidence issues, of course, but they're a normal and manageable amount. The problem is that I am now the overwhelming issue in our relationship, and I worry that it's draining him, which is so fair. It's exhausting being with an insecure, reassurance-seeking partner. It's exhausting BEING this partner, and I am highly aware that he deserves better (and so do I). So, I want to do better.
I've consistently been working on building my self-esteem for the past few years, and it has definitely increased from where I began. The issue is that rationally, I can recognize the good in myself. I'm an attractive, smart, kind, artistic person who is extremely loving and giving. However, there is some weird disconnect between that rational analysis of myself and my emotional... competence of this?? I can't think of another way to describe it, but emotionally I feel stuck in my development, and I'm not sure where to begin there. I am in therapy, but not at the moment as my insurance coverage for therapy has run out until the beginning of August.
Any advice is greatly appreciated! Thank you kindly in advance :")
Edit: weird formatting - fixed.
| 8 |
How to stop being so negative and be happy where I am - When I’m not where I want to be.
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My partner and I have been doing long-distance for awhile now. We have a solid foundation built in the time we were together before she had to move. So it’s been a harder adjustment than if we had started long-distance all along. The plan is that I’m going to find a job in her state, move there, and close the gap. I love our relationship and even though the job market is trash and applying in a different state does not make it easier, I am very determined to keep applying.
The problem: I hate my job. Hate. It’s not just unhappiness. I am miserable from 9-5 Monday to Friday. All my friends that I used to have are growing up and pursuing their own lives, so we don’t hang out like we used to. All my friends at my job are in different states (WFH). Everyday I think about what if I just quit now, move, and figure it out as I go, but I know that would not be smart. I have a decent enough salary (below national average but good for someone with my degree unfortunately) and decent benefits. So I know it would be stupid to abandon that.
The thing is, my partner has moved to start her new job in a new place meeting new people. Whenever she tells me about her day it’s so exciting to hear and she sounds so happy about how things are going. She has some negative stuff to say but it’s highly situational. Overall she’s very happy. Which makes me feel so shitty when I talk about my day.
She’s never intentionally made me feel this way, but I just feel like my desire to get out of my current situation has made me so bitter and uninteresting. I feel like such a negative force, because everyday, work is not great. the hours after work are uneventful. I try to find little things to interest me or bring me some joy, but inevitably I get talking about work and I just start going on and on. And I just feel so bad when I go to sleep like “why can’t I just have a good day and be happy”.
I want to be smart about it all but I want to get out of the circumstances I am in. My partner has given me a lot of grace and understanding, but I’m genuinely tired of having only shitty days to talk to her about.
| 4 |
How do I stop reading into the subtext of everything? (as there usually isn't any subtext)
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I've got this problem where my brain naturally makes connections between what anyone has said and whatever they have said in the past so as to a form a subtextual narrative which is pretty much exclusively negative. So whatever anyone says I immediately think "Oh, they're making this point which relates to that thing we discussed 3 weeks ago as some sort of sly backhanded insult." Needless to say I have started many fights with this mode of thinking. I always feel like I'm right and am pretty much always wrong. The narratives I create in my mind are so logical and plausible that I can't ever see them as not being true. This has been a huge issue within all of my personal relationships and I want to learn how to stop doing this. How to stop feeling like everyone is saying more than what it appears on the surface. And that it is always negatively directed at me. Does anyone have any tips, tricks, ideas, or resources? I'll take anything because I cannot keep viewing people and the world this way.
| 1 |
parental boundaries?
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I (21F) pretty much had helicopter parents growing up. Due to really bad mental health issues I’m not very independent, though I’m trying to change that completely. What I’ve noticed though is that my parents consistently give unsolicited advice as if I’m a child. I keep telling them to please not do this, and I told my mom that if she continued since I asked her many times to stop I would distance myself. I did create distance, and she still does it. I don’t know what to do. I know I’m not as independent as I should be and I’m working really hard on that to get out, but it’s frustrating to be treated like this. Am i frustrated over nothing? And how do I deal with this until I leave in January? Thanks all!
| 2 |
I’ve let life pass me by
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I’m 25 M and I’m not sure exactly when but sometime in my early teens I decided I was worthless and there was no reason anyone would want to be around me or associate with me. I shut myself away and let everything pass me by completely. I missed out on practically every normal milestone and experience people my age did. I was never invited to things, never desired by anyone, I felt like someone that just wasn’t a part of the same thing everyone else was. Instead of trying to change that I assumed there was a reason for it and I left it as it was. This continued into my adult life. I made no effort to make myself look attractive to others, I hardly ever tried to make friends, I just let things go by day after day. I can’t understand why I would let that happen to myself. Only recently did I start going to the gym with a couple friends and really try to stick to it and improve at least one thing about myself. I’ve made progress objectively but it still doesn’t feel like it and I don’t like the way I look. Life is so empty and strange. I think I once had dreams or a way I wanted my life to go but I just can’t remember anymore. I don’t know what to do I’m so lost and lonely. I feel like I became “normal” too late. Like I’m only normal on the surface and I’ll always be looked down upon as antisocial friendless loser by anyone that knows people I used to know or simply just asks a few questions about my life. The worst part is I know it’s all self imposed. I can’t understand why I have such incredibly low self esteem, but that has caused me to be in the situation I’m in now. I don’t know how to get over the feeling of worthlessness I’ve always had.
| 28 |
Seeking Advice: Battling Social Media Addiction as a Restaurant's Social Media Manager
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Hey, fellow Redditors!
I find myself in a peculiar situation, and I could really use some guidance from this amazing community. So, here's the deal: I work as a social media manager at a restaurant, but I've come to realize that I've developed an addiction to social media. It's ironic, I know!
Working in this role, I find myself constantly scrolling through various platforms, crafting posts, and engaging with our customers. However, off the clock, I've noticed that my personal use of social media has gotten out of control. It's affecting my productivity, personal relationships, and overall well-being.
I'm determined to break free from this addiction, but I'm struggling to find a way out. That's where you come in! I'm turning to this supportive Reddit community for some advice on how to quit my social media addiction. Here are a few questions I have:
**How can I set boundaries and reduce the time I spend on social media?** I need practical strategies to limit my usage, especially outside of work hours. It's challenging because I have to be connected to social media platforms for my job, but I want to find a healthier balance.
**Are there any effective alternatives or hobbies that can help distract me from social media?** I want to fill my time with activities that are more fulfilling and enriching. Have any of you successfully replaced excessive social media use with other hobbies or interests? I'd love to hear your experiences and recommendations.
**Any tips on dealing with FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and the pressure to stay connected?** I often feel anxious and worried about missing out on important updates or news if I'm not constantly plugged in. How can I overcome this fear and embrace a more present and offline lifestyle?
**Have any of you successfully managed to break free from social media addiction? If so, how did you do it?** I would appreciate hearing your success stories, struggles, and the strategies you employed to regain control over your time and attention.
I truly appreciate any advice or personal stories you can share. Breaking free from social media addiction is a personal journey, but with the help of this incredible community, I can take the first steps towards a healthier, more balanced life.
Thank you all in advance!
| 1 |
i’ve lost interest in all my hobbies… kinda
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i used to love sewing, crocheting, other artistic hobbies, reading, video games, cooking / baking, hiking, etc.
now i just work, watch tv, and scroll through my phone.
i WANT to get back into most of these hobbies, but i’m just so exhausted from work and honestly just life in general right now.
long story short, my life this past year has just been one hit after another. yeah, some good things have happened, but overall it’s just been exhaustion, depression, pain and grief.
i make plans for getting back into my hobbies, get really excited about my plans, and then hit a wall when i go to do something.
i just wanna be happy and fun-productive again.
| 32 |
I decided enough is enough, I have to become better
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When I joined in my job, I used to do things just to please my boss or colleagues, slowly I became like a robot,I forgot to even smile with ease,A sense of tension started to develop within me and it really blew up big which led to various health issues and I was unable to work,so I quit and started to focus on my mental health .I found this quote which bought a sense of relief and calmness within me . "If you keep the past alive within you, you'll be dead to the present" by Sadhguru.I just kept thinking so much about the past that , sometimes I even used to forget where I am I get totally lost in myself that it takes me a minute or two to come back.So I decided to take steps towards improving my health.Started with jogging.I want to continue my journey.It would be really helpful if you could assist me with what steps can I take?
| 3 |
This post will be deleted
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It was my birthday last month. I’m 24, I live life on a whim.
The best things in my short time period here are being open minded, cutting meat from my diet, going back to church, not closing myself off or cutting myself short. Finding different father and mother figures. My biological parents are awesome but not who I aspire to be like.
All these things help but guess what. Life is still gonna suck sometimes. When the good comes, don’t overdo it, appreciate it but when you over do it it makes the hard times appear harder.
Stop living for the weekend, instead talk good about others especially about ‘them’ annoying people during the week, be smart with your weekend, if you want to build. Why are you wasting restbite so easily? You might need a 2 week break if living for the weekend has taken a focus point in your life.
You survived every single worst and bad day. You’re still here, keep going!
Happiness is an illusion, borderline fictitious, it’s a dramatised mixture of action socialisation and vocalisation.
These three things can be described as such: Magic.
You are magical, that’s why it feels good. The reason why your words are called spelling is because you are casting spells as such.
I am love.
I am courageous.
I am so happy I now have a proper breakfast.
The list is infinite, it’s your decision to become a magician.
In school they want you to conform. So they don’t teach you these things, they don’t teach you that you can do anything. They tell you it’s a hard life and all recieved is done so through hard work.
So right now no shit you’re probably not a magician.
But you can be, and when that happens through that dramatised process. Changes in your life will start to happen.
| 7 |
GF (21f) didn’t tell me BF (22m) her ex is trying to reach out and I am insecure?
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My current gf’s ex is trying to reach out to her, I found out in passing by her mom and its started 2 weeks ago. My gf said she was going to tell me… She just wasn’t sure what she was going to decide to do yet.
I said it is crazy to me since you said we are best friends and have been bf and gf for 8 months but you keep something like this from me seems shady.
Am I too insecure about this? I expected this to be a standard thing to bring up to your partner.
| 2 |
She finally left me...
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This October would've marked 6 years with my now ex gf23. She broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. We met in high school (im m22 now) when I was 17 and she was 18. She was my first love, life was amazing and beautiful with her. I remember getting our first apartment together in 2019 right before covid and even when our roommates left we still figured out how to get through it together. However life got hard. She began to resent me and our life together, she got feelings for a coworker and I found out right before we were gonna move out of state. She promised to block him and move on with me to our new home and I believed her. I should've never moved with her to our new home, I should've left her. A year later we are doing rough financially and she resents me still if not more now. My dad died in February and I was struggling to keep my head above the water. I began to use porn and I became distant from my gf, honestly I resented her for emotionally cheating on me. But I still loved her and I wanted to get better. So I started therapy to heal but it was too late. She told me she doesn't see me as a romantic partner anymore and after everything she wants to be on her own now and see other people. She moves out and the first thing I see on her Facebook is the coworker from a year ago. Reacting to her posts. I was never enough and now she's gonna replace me after everything. We've been through so much together and no one knows me as deeply as her. However I can't change her feelings and i have to let her go. Now I'm all alone in a new town desperate to make friends. Hopefully things look up soon. Sorry for the rant, this was just to help myself out to be honest.
| 55 |
how to create a support system?
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I (21F) am trying to move out permanently when I go on campus to continue college at 21. I was on campus for a year but I didn’t make any friends, and my roommate and I didn’t stay in touch. During the next 6 months while I’m stuck at home and once I go to campus, how can I create a support system? Thanks all!
| 1 |
Struggling with self worth after being broken up with for being emotionally abusive.
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Hello all. It’s been about a month since my girlfriend of 8 years has broken up with me for being emotionally abusive. I’ve been going through therapy for about 3 weeks now and have been trying to find the root of my issues. A lot of it stems from my past and childhood from being emotionally neglected, my argumentative and stressful environment, and being emotionally abused and invalidated myself. Though I still am responsible for the way I acted/reacted. It was a choice not a loss of control. I’m aware of this and the pain I’ve caused.
I’ve been struggling with my self worth because I know I’m responsible for hurting someone I loved and it has completely diminished my self worth due to the guilt and remorse for my actions. I’ve been told to forgive myself and move on from others and my therapist. But, my fear of abandonment won’t let me step forward and my self demeaning thoughts continue to feed my inadequacy complex.
I just want my love back. But I’m afraid it’s too late to be vulnerable and honest with her after all of the lies, manipulation, and emotionally charged outbursts. It’s become extremely hard because I dread the day that she comes to get her things out of our apartment and our anniversary is coming up. I had planned on proposing to her the following year. But it failed due to my own negligence of taking responsibility for my own trauma and actions.
It’s taken it’s toll on me mentally and physically. I rarely eat, I rarely sleep and when I do I have vivid nightmares of the arguments my spouse and I had. I’ve considered taking my own life due to the torment. I’m deeply sad that I’ve hurt someone I actually loved and finally realized their pain. I began to work on myself all because I wanted to be free of my past that’s held me prisoner for the longest and my actions that I’m responsible for. I want change, it feels as if the more I step forward the longer the road gets.
For clarity when I was a teenager I lost my grandmother due to a heart condition and lost my girlfriend of 5 years on the same day. I tried to reach out to my ex at the time for comfort since I didn’t have anyone to talk to because my mother at the time had to take care of my grandfather, my brother that has autism and deal with the loss herself. I was made fun of by my ex, called a stalker, and it eventually led to a restraining order that was later dropped. I’ve been traumatized since and didn’t know how it effected me until I started therapy.
Has anyone ever struggled with these emotions or similar issue? Just looking for more insight and opinions help to understand.
Update: I’ve come to the realization that I broke her and she isn’t coming back. I was in denial and now I feel shattered.
| 10 |
Decision making is overwhelming for me
|
Whenever I have to take a decision, from small things to life-changing things, I get really overwhelmed.
Like for example: I want to watch a movie/tv-show, I can never decide what to watch. I hop from Netflix to Prime to Disney+ to HBO and back to Netflix. And I just end up spending a tone of time just browsing for something to watch. Is not that I don’t have options, I think the problem is that I have too many options. I would like to continue with the MCU franchise, but that new season of Mandalorian looks amazing, but what about finishing The Walking Dead, but I would like to rewatch Pirates of the Caribbean. You get the picture.
And this problem applies to anything. Videogames, books, hobbies, life changing stuff.
I want to play the Batman Arkham series but I also want to buy that new car in Forza Horizon 5.
I want to read Metro 2033 but I also want to finish the last book I started a few days ago.
I want to learn how to photoshop but I also want to start painting.
I want to workout more and start to eat healthy but I also want to try this new burger recipe.
And if you get the picture, I start to also not be able to decide between this activities. Like I want to watch a movie but also paint, but that book is kinda interesting.
And at the end of the day, I am just sitting there, not knowing what the hell should I do, and end up just loosing my day. And it’s not just once, every few days. I have this problem daily.
| 12 |
How to get over a breakup being your fault?
|
So I (24F) was with a guy (28M) for 7 months and he ended things today. I am so in love with him and the heart break I am feeling is unbearable. I’m awake at 3:30am before work because I feel dread and anxiety over loosing him.
The reason why it’s so heartbreaking is because I feel like it’s my fault. The relationship didn’t start well. We were ‘seeing’ each other for a few weeks then he went travelling for 3 months and slept with someone while out there when we were speaking every day and were meant to be exclusive. However, I took him back because I really liked him and maybe it was just too soon to be exclusive. I blamed myself for rushing. He also said he did it because he was insecure about me - but that’s a whole different story.
Eventhough I took him back, I couldn’t get over it. I had no trust. He lied about this encounter for 3 months, and because of that I thought he was just a liar. You would think I would just end it because of that. But my love was too strong and thought time would heal and build trust. He really tried to build trust with me but I fell into psycho habits. Stalked his social media and questioned him, always asked if he was hiding something, freaking out when he wanted to go on a boys holiday etc etc.
He’s got tired of it and ended things. It’s such a shock because he was telling me how much he loved me just this morning, he called me his soul mate last week. But apparently he’s been thinking about ending it for a while. I feel blind sided, and I hate myself for not realising I was too intense and I pushed the boy I love so deeply away.
How the hell do I get past this awful awful pain, and the guilt and shame of feeling like it was my fault. I had no control over my psycho tendencies and I wore the man I love down.
Edit: I just want people to know I also got diagnosed with anxiety and depression during this process, and am on the waiting list for therapy on the NHS. I was really trying to better myself but it obviously was taking to long and I wore him out. I wish I sorted myself out quicker for him. I wish had more control over my emotions.
I am also really struggling because he was very harsh during the breakup. He said he’s been miserable, he said he’s not even that sad about us ending. We had dates planned for this weekend and he said he wasn’t even excited for them. It was crushing as I really thought he was in love with me from the things he said to me only recently - that he was going to support me, reassure me, and wanted to be with me forever.
Another reason that this is so hard is that we work together, I’m going to be seeing him nearly everyday…
Edit 2: he texted me today saying he loves me. Not saying he wants me back but that is still a mind f***. Haven’t replied and will not take him back (if he even tries) reading all the responses from you guys has made me realised I shouldn’t! Thank you.
Edit 3: thank you everyone. I got some amazing responses that really helped me. I’m so appreciative. What a great sub!
| 6 |
What do you continue to live for?
|
I (27m) am at a good point in my life, I guess. I make good money at a job that's good, I am not miserable because of that. I mention that because everyone I know tells me that's good, however, that's not how it feels like. I feel like nothing good is ever gonna happen again so, what's the point? We're born and then we continue to do things because we have to live. It's weird. I have nothing to live for. I don't think I'll ever find love because I'm uniquely broken. So broken, I have trauma that doesn't even let me see a doctor. I have nothing to offer someone and even if I did, my insecurities just ruin everything. I don't enjoy any hobbies anymore. All I do is wake up, eat, do work, be miserable, sleep, watch youtube videos all the time in between and then do it all over again. Even when something good happens, I invalidate it somehow. I don't have any friends anymore because I don't like to talk to people. Nothing in life actually brings me happiness anymore. I don't have anything that I want to achieve and have a good chance of achieving. I don't have any motivation to even improve my health, to somehow improve my life situation. No ambition, no hope. I don't think that's gonna change so, really, what's the point?
| 6 |
Decision to Quit Smoking Weed
|
been smoking since i was 15. smoke like 2.5 grams of 1 gram vape carts from dispensaries every 2 week paycheck. haven't been to doctor in 6 years. my hands have bulging veins and legs veins. what made you stop smoking? did you realize any health problems or just stopped
| 3 |
Plans/goals for July
|
*Having a better sleep schedule.
Under the week : 12 pm - 8-9 am
Weekend : 12pm - 9-10 am
* Getting a part time job
* Walking 6-10 Thousand steps a day.
* Cutting down my phone time to 30 hours or 4. 5 hours a week
* Doing Home workouts (20-30 min) 2-3 times a week
* Going for a 30 Minute run 2-3 times a week.
* Read 2 Books
* Watch 1-2 Documentarys a week
* Starting a new hobby
* Practice self love
| 9 |
strategic plans to take actions & becoming self discipline?
|
After watching so many videos on social media about self improvement and growth. I've come to realize that in life only 2 things require to bettering your life. Which is actions and self discipline. I admit I'm scared and I'm living my life in fears anxiety overthinking and self doubts. I'm feeding my emotions and this whatever sadness or worrying has become some sort of comfort zone to my thoughts. Its like I want to better my life by taking actions that makes me grow. But that requires willpower & courage which I'm lacking. Yes I don't have confidence and since I've not achieved anything in life. It kinda makes me feel shameful and disgusted. Feeling this for years makes me not want to work hard in life. Instead I'm just accepting the miserable stuation I'm in. I'm allowing this loser life mentality to be part of my life. I don't have that level of obsession for a change in my life. And that's whats eating me up from inside because I'm constantly hearing this voice in my head like it's time to change. Then what the heck is stopping you. Why do you watch endless content but not taking strategic steps.
| 3 |
Is my tendency to seek connection/companionship unhealthy for me?
|
Posting this since it's been on my mind for a long time recently. And I am aware that the post might sound weird, but I feel so sure that the response must be very insightful that I will proceed with it anyway.
Since I was a kid, it has been my tendency to feel that any happy/joyful moment has its happiness incomplete unless I share it with someone whom I connect well with. This need of having someone else around whom I also make to feel happy has manifested in many ways.
Like, there are some places where when I travel alone, I feel this strong urge to have my family around so that they feel happy as well. Then there are some places where I feel I should take my college friends to, for they would feel really happy seeing those places.
Similarly, when I'm enjoying something, be it an event, an outing, a cool show, a nice game, I wish I had a partner with whom I could share those moments, and make them feel happy. I just feel that life is incomplete if I'm not sharing the happiness in it.
This thing has manifested in me like a strong gut-feeling of being my ultimate destination in life. I'm a financially independent guy and I'm really enjoying the life I'm affording right now, but all the fun I'm having seems to be incomplete. It feels that this is all half success and finding the connection I am seeking, and sharing/extending all that connection with them is my real goal in life.
Now firstly, the problem is that this thing messed me up when in my past I came across a girl whom I felt had everything that makes her fit this role best : a love for visiting adventure parks, a love for her family, a dream of travelling the world, etc, for which I felt she is the one who I was always waiting for and who can be my company while I visit some adventure park, or a cool place in different part of the world, or when I spend a life full of healthy relationship with my family. Messed me up cuz she never fell for me and now I'm left feeling that I missed something ultimate in life and it couldn't be found again.
Then, secondly, there's so much focus in the world on being happy on your own, and being complete in yourself, that I was wondering if I have been fooling myself since childhood by telling myself that my tendencies point to some grand thing I should be aiming for, all while I needed to be cautious about living like this.
So, what do you guys have to say about it? Has it been a well-known unhealthy thought pattern which has been fooling my mind since long, or is it a perfectly okay thing to feel?
| 4 |
Only now that he 18M has left do I 18F realise how abusive I was
|
Theres so much to say I don't know where to start. I dated my boyfriend for 2 years, we were each others first serious relationship and ive never had a connection like that to anyone. He's was/is my dream. After 6 months he cheated, getting nudes from his ex girlfriend. I forgave him but after that I turned into this awful awful abusive person.
I didn't let him call or talk to any girls, got angry when he looked at other girls, had his passwords, didn't trust his friends and even more. I put myself down infront of him for sympathy and put him down as well. I had a huge anger problem and as soon as one small thing happened between us I would guilt trip, blaming all my behaviours on him and said stuff like 'well if you hadnt cheated i wouldnt be like this'.
After over a year of this he decided to leave me two days ago, i begged and cried because in that moment he told me that he was leaving for personal reasons (likely to make me not angry) but after speaking to him and his mother and his friends the reason he left was ultimatly my abusive behaviours.
I had clarity for the first time and realised how awful and how much hurt i caused him. He has decided that in two months of no contact he will talk to me. In this time i am hoping he will start to be able to recover, he has so many hobbies i took away from him as well as two different holidays so i truly hope he has a good time in these two months. In this talk in 2 months he has told me to not get my hopes up because its very unlikely he will take me back however if he feels like i have truly started to change and can get better he will consider dating me again.
I do not want to just get better to have him back but i want to get better for myself and any future relationships because i never want to cause this hurt to another person ever again. My parents have decided to pay for therapy for me which i will be starting and ive made a list of rules for myself for any future relationship.
The reason i didnt see how much i was hurting him before is because he was too scared to bring it up to me. If i said 'dont talk to her' he would just say 'okay' and so i thought that everything i was asking of him was okay but it isnt.
I have so much more to say but dont know where to start, if you have any questions i will try an answer them but i do have an exam today so there wont be fast replies. If youre looking to give advice i would like to know how to make sure i will 100% never fall back into those habits again because while i believe in myself 100% i dont think he will be able to believe in me..
| 40 |
I have my first therapy appointment tomorrow!
|
I'm a long time lurker, but I've never felt I had anything to post about until now. I really just want to tell someone about this because its pretty big for me! I've known I needed help for years, I struggle with depression and anxiety, maybe adhd, but therapy wasn't even an option for me financially. Now I have insurance for the first time ever so getting help looks like a realistic option. I have been stuck in this cycle of struggling and falling into "what's wrong with me" search rabbitholes for years, and it has never helped me actually work with my problems. I'm absolutely ready to take that weight off my shoulders & finally hand it to a professional.
I know that simply getting an appointment doesn't guarantee I get the help I need, I have read a lot of therapy horror stories online and this all is very foreign to me so I am nervous. But I am proud to take that first step. I'm hoping for the best! Any tips or advice on what to expect is very appreciated. I hope I'll have some positive updates to post soon!
| 151 |
How to be logical in my relationship instead always letting my emotions take over me?
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Hi, so my partner and i(not official yet) have been dating for 2.5 months but lately I feel that I should start being more logical and stop letting my past trauma hurt spill over my relationship and even tho he did reassured me and everything but I kinda felt bad what if one day, our relationship is over cause I’m too emotional? So far, he didn’t diminish my feelings which is gd.
Some hard truth would be appreciated 🥲
| 9 |
It can be so challenging to stay positive
|
Last couple days been really hectic. Almost caught in an anxiety/panic attack loop that I thought was never gonna end. It’s almost like I kept degrading myself, putting myself down and felt like confidence wasn’t even a thing. Many of you might not know, but it was determined that I have autism a couple weeks ago. I always knew I had something wrong with me but I guess it’s a relief and a shock to actually hear it. I don’t blame anything or anyone for what I do, but maybe this will help me understand why I am the way I am. I love life and I love people. I love animals and I never mean to make anyone feel worse but sometimes the way I am I guess it seems that way. I just want to apologize if I ever been difficult and just a hard person to love or befriend. I really don’t mean to be this way but I do want to get better. No longer drinking, smoking, doing drugs and getting into mischief was only part of the battle. Maybe the other half never ends. Thank you for allowing me to be in your community and thanks for accepting me the way I am. Tonight gonna try and game, meet new people and just try to be a better person. If you ever need help with anything, I will always do my best to give back. Thanks again for being my friend.
| 3 |
My actual start and current Situation
|
So its going to be my second and first real try, that hopefully will work out.
My Current Situation is honestly not good.
Im 17 F
I troped out from my Vacational training 2 months ago (im not from the Us) and are now unemployed.
I droped out do to mental health struggles.
I started recovering from an sever Ed, exactly when i started my Vacational training.
That week my Grandma how suffered from last state dementia suddenly got worst and died, before i could say goodbye.
I was really close to my Grandma growing up.
I haven't seen ger for over 2 years before she died, do to covid, covid regulations and school.
So the fact that i wasn't able to see her one last time still messes with me.
I also display depressiv symptomes and slightly anexiety.
So those things combined with a lot of stress from the vacational training stress, messed with me a lot.
I basically got E and Fs on every test in the last months i was there, i also had mental breakdowns there.
So it defenetly wasn't possible to continue for me at that time.
I going to hopfully get permission for my treatment, it will take around 6 to a weeks till my Parents and i will be informed if everything will work out.
Im doing a bit better now, yet i still find myself
being a mess.
Im on my phone for 7-11 hours a day, dont work at all, haven't really finished reading a real book in years, go to bad at 2-4 am and wake up at 10-12 am under the week, dont really have an hobby, dont work out, are more dependent on my Parents and also others more than i want, are sort of an outcast and can't focus at all.
Also mental health is obviously not as great, i at times get anxious when im outside, are down, stuck in the past, self doubt and self criticis myself a lot, struggle with lower mood, at times just start crying and honestly have self esteem issues.
So yeah the howl Situation is obviously not great.
My goals are to get fit, have a routine, get a part time job, ,find a new job opportunity, be less dependent on others, getting better mental health, be happy, get more self esteem,
find my passion, start reading more and be able to life in the moment.
It will be are hard and long Journey but whit consistency, will power i can make it.
| 2 |
How do I stop seeking validation from everyone and everything.
|
My main issue is that no matter the achievement or change I make in my life it is never valid unless it has someone or something else’s stamp of approval. And it’s an issue where I need validation for everything. Like if I feel like someone doesn’t like me I’ll message them asking them how they are just to make sure we’ll still good. Every characteristic I have has to be agreed upon by someone else. If I want to make a decision on something relatively minor I need to ask like 5 other people to find out what they think I should do .
I’m tired of living this way. I want to improve and I know the only way I can do this is if I start seeing myself for who I truly am and act accordingly. But I cannot do this if I keep seeking validation from every tom dick and harry out there.
I want to be secure in myself and give myself the opportunity to make mistakes (without hating everything about me ) and learn from them.
Any advice? Also, thanks for listening.
| 152 |
Me siento extraño
|
Hola,queria desahogarme un poco y talvez recibir algo de apoyo, ayer hice una estupides y lo malo es que no me siento del todo mal con eso, se que es horrible,pero ayer me vi con un hombre que me conto que es casado, hicimos cosas, no todo, y ahi queda, me llevo a donde le pedi y se fue, y no se que hacer o como afrontar lo que siento,en parte el me gusta, es lindo, no puedo negarlo, pero es CASADO, y no se, quiero olvidarme de el y de todo lo que paso, lo mas obvio y coherente seria bloquearlo y hacer como que no existe, y ya lo hice, pero a la semana lo desbloquee y fue ayer esto, entonces todo lo que siento es reciente, si pudiera recibir ayuda, aunque sea que me reten o algo estaria muy agradecido.
| 3 |
Learning how to be a healthy and happy person for the first time- positive but new and uncertain
|
HI everyone, this is more just me wanting to chat about others' similar experiences, and get other people's perspectives on the same thing.
Like many of us here I'e been dealing with mental health issues from a young age (pretty much since I was 11 or 12) and now in my mid 20s I'm only just starting to REALLY get over it and experience life without them weighing me down. It's such a strange (but positive!) experience, but I really feel like I'm living for the first time sometimes. Which is in itself somewhat difficult and uncertain territory, even if it's a good thing. For such a long time, the familiar feelings of anxiety or depression or self-loathing were almost comforting purely because they were just so familiar and easy to fall into, but now that they're starting to finally slip away... I feel like I'm having to 'build' myself for the first time in some ways, as a person that I never was before.
It's weird, feeling increasingly unrecognisable to myself, again, even if it is in a completely positive way. I never would have thought I would be able to see life and feel the ways that I do about things now back when I was 15, or even 20. I feel like I've grown so much and so (to me, it feels) quickly that it's almost disorientating. I catch myself experiencing events such as work setbacks, disagreements with friends, romantic rejection etc that even a couple of years ago would have sent me into a spin and fed back into my familiar negative cycle of self-hatred. Now when they happen, yeah it still doesn't feel good, but it doesn't get to me on a deeper level. I feel bad about them for a little while and then... I just get on with my day and feel fine. And that's weird to me! I find myself wondering who I am now. It's like I'm getting to know myself for the first time, or perhaps even becoming a full and whole person for the first time.
I guess I'd just like to hear from others going through the same process, or who are on the 'other side' of it now. Growth is a good thing, but it can still be confusing and disorientating and catch you off-guard at times.
| 10 |
I’ve spent my whole life choosing fear over living. I want a happy life
|
The last time I (39F) felt truly free and happy was in early 2005 playing in the snow at night on a mountain overlooking the German city I was studying in. It’s all been downhill since then. I feel like I get lost in apathy and then just react without any passion or drive to whatever situation I end up in. I finished college (was hospitalized once for a breakdown during that time), went to grad school, and have ended up in a dead-end low paying job.
My dad is dead. My mom is dead. My grandparents are dead. George Michael is dead (still so sad my favorite musician is gone.) I have a few friends who I don’t really like all that much. I’m going to have to move out of the apartment I shared with my mom soon and probably work in a factory since I can’t seem to find anything else. I have no hopes or dreams. I’m so bored with life. 30+ more years of this drudgery seems unbearable. I feel like I’m just going to keep on being dissatisfied until one day when my heart gives out.
Also, I’ve never been in a relationship. I think I might be bisexual, too? I didn’t grow up religious and I’m super pro-LGBTQ, but I feel icky about the idea of me having a sexual identity that isn’t straight. I’ve always struggled with confidence and self-worth. I feel ugly and unloveable even though I know somewhere deep down neither of those things are true. I’ve never shown anyone the real me (whoever that is.) The second anyone gets too close I just shut down. I’m dying to have a real conversation with someone. I spend so much time in my own head and I am tired of it.
I still get out of bed and do the bare minimum every day. I take care of my dog. I cook. I watch tv and movies. I listen to music. But it’s all just to momentarily distract myself from the pain and regret. I’ve had all this time to live and I always chose fear. I feel so sad and hopeless. Please tell me there’s still a chance for me.
| 23 |
Single mom struggling with the laundry
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Yes, the laundry is ruining my mental state when I’m at home, I don’t like to fold clothes I avoid it as much as I can, because of this I have baskets full of clothes stacked in my laundry room and I see myself digging for clothes, socks, etc. throughout the week. Knowing that I have all these clothes that haven’t been folded is stressing me out! I’ve tried:
Doing a wash every day, folding clothes straight from the drier, watching tv while folding clothes to make the experience more pleasant but I can’t keep up. Any suggestions? Thanks!
| 12 |
How do I shut my brain off at night?
|
How do I keep myself from spiraling mentally every night? I'll lie in bed for hours just thinking, even if I'd had a nice day. I don't use my phone before bed I've tried sleeping pills, reading, journaling, different Teas. Nothing works.
| 342 |
Not very good with new people and it’s negatively affecting me.
|
In a nutshell when i talk to someone i’m not really comfortable with (aka most people) my voice becomes higher and i stutter/slur words, i overthink a lot and its like my mind goes blank and i cant think of conversation topics, witty replies etc.
When i’m around friends, family or acquaintances i’ve known for a while my actual personality comes out and i don’t suffer of any of these problems.
Of course i’ve tried ‘getting myself out there’ and leaving my socialization comfort zone and the things I describe end up happening, i’ve tried over and over again with little to no progress.
How do i work on this properly, any specific mindset that might help or a mantra? What kind of mental preparation can i do that’ll help?
| 7 |
Getting over rejection sensitivity and codependence
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I've always been very sensitive to rejection and generally depend on approval from others to be happy and I really want to figure out how to move past it. It used to be an issue that drove people away because of my need for constant validation, I've managed to work on it to the point that it's mostly an internal issue but it's still something I'd like to improve. It's especially bad with new friends or potential romantic partners or whatever. I'll have to constantly tell myself in my head that just because they took their time texting back or whatever doesn't mean they don't like me anymore. No matter how many experiences I have that prove my fears were unfounded I just can't shake them. This often leads to me just not bothering to put in the effort to meet new people even though I am very much a social person and feel a lot better mentally when I'm able to socialize. Does anyone have any advice on dealing with this? I'm just not sure how to improve on this internally so I don't feel so bad every time someone takes longer than usual to text back or turns down an invitation
| 4 |
How to stick to a routine when everything feels bad? Alternatively - how to enjoy things?
|
I've been depressed to the point of not leaving my room for days on end, and I'm starting to try and heal.
I've been trying to be better ever since january. I still don't study nor work, but I started therapy, I'm tying out meds (although I haven't found any that seems to work yet). I've been exercising every other day...I'm slowly trying to get to do it everyday. I'm drinking more water and having at least two meals a day, eating less sugar, taking care of my hygiene, and forcing myself to spend less time in my room.
But I still have been having a really hard time sticking to a routine. I've tried inserting things like cleaning, helping with my family's business, doing studies on my own, more exercising, cooking, going for walks, and even doing things I thought I liked, such as drawing, playing games, following some series or animes, and I can't seem to stick to them. None of it feels good. The other way around, going through a list of chores makes me feels TERRIBLE. Doing even one thing when I rly dont want to just ends making me irritable, sensitive, and prone to spiraling.
So I decided to do it differently and just have my routine be less rigid. No set times, no filling 24h hours of my day - I'd just keep a small list of things I require from myself, and as long as I could do at least most of them, then I'd allow myself to do whatever on the rest of the time (which is often just doing nothing). This how I've been able to at least go to the gym, and eat, and do the dishes regularly. If I found one thing to be too hard, I'd reflect on why, and if I couldn't find a solution, I'd take it out of the list altogether.
But my therapist says this is a sign of lack of compromise. I went to my psychiatrist today, too, and he told me my meds aren't having much effect because I'm not moving enough, and I need to challenge myself more. My boyfriend also thinks I need a more set routine.
So back to it...!
Any advice to stick to routines even when they feel like torture, or to get to enjoy them, or to at least not hate yourself while doing them? Or build a more realistic to-do list? Maybe other methods of creating a routine? How to fill up your time when you don't work or study without feeling debilitatingly overwhelmed? Maybe I should spend all my free time looking for a job?
| 10 |
I forgot how to function as a human being
|
During my childhood i was so free. And now i feel like im dragging around the chains with me. Like in a prison cell.
The thing is i set myself free a few days ago, so it's not so excruciatingly painful anymore. I'm not a slave anymore, i don't experience torture anymore & it's such a delightful thing to taste the freedom now. But. But it's not a heavenly feeling, because i still can't do the things i want to do.
I still don't have the clarity i wish i had. I still don't have the energy & motivation i wish i had. Not enough dopamine & the lack of discipline. I am too depressed & broken.
But that is not the reason to avoid being an active member of society.
Okay, i have to confess. I juust do not have any idea on what i should do next. How i should move forward. I'm kind of numb and dead. Dragging myself, thinking what am i still doing on this planet.
I have insane ambitions to pursue, lmao. Where can i find the clarity and energy and concentration for that. Would be extremely grateful for some feedback. Thank you for reading, it means a lot.
| 14 |
I have no clue what to do with my life m24
|
When I was 17/18 I worked fast food was working 60-75 hr a week it caused me to have a negative relationship with work since then haven't been able to hold a job been doordashing for money it's just not enough for bills and saving I just feel stuck I have no passion for anything or drive I'm at a point I want to give up.
| 4 |
Looking for accountability partners around business and health routines per Atomic Habits book; any takers?
|
See title; can explain more via DM what I am after.
Brownie points if you have already established a habit practice and read Atomic Habits (maybe even more than once.
| 1 |
My mind is always loud and cluttered and I can't identify the source of my frustration
|
For some context, I am 19 and about to start university. I broke up with my SO who I've been with for a year+ and we planned to live together. I have a lot of childhood trauma and I recently started learning to process my emotions. I feel uncomfy even journaling about themes such as self compassion, self love, trauma and etc. I tried therapy but it didn't help at all, it only made me panic. I have seasonal depression. I do not know what my purpose in life is and I don't know who I am truly. I search desperately for love since I believe it's the only thing that can give me security and peace.
Now with all of this context, I am tired. I don't know why it's always loud in my mind and I cant just process those things. Why I can't change my mindset on certain things like needing a partner to feel good about life. I am scared of the future..
I don't want to be like that. I want to be positive, excited about everything coming my way. I want to be the person who is kind, patient and okay with every emotion that comes my way. It feels like before me there is a mountain of problems before I can pass through to reach this image of myself. I am not content with who I am and I feel overwhelmed. I want to be kind to myself and love myself truly even with the warts. What do I do in this situation...
| 11 |
How wellness affects those around you
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Have you ever considered how your overall wellness might be influencing your relationships? And by wellness, I mean the whole package - physical, mental, and emotional. It's more interconnected than you might think.
Better wellness can translate into healthier relationships. However, maintaining optimal wellness can be complex. That's where professional coaches come into play. They're not just for athletes or managers - their expertise can be invaluable for anyone aiming for balance.
Great coaches are essentially advisors you can trust. They help you navigate through challenges, build self-confidence, and contribute to mental and emotional balance. The result? Healthier relationships.
When it comes to career, maintaining a balance between work and life is crucial for your wellness and, consequently, your relationships. That's where a career coach steps in. They help manage professional challenges and avoid burnout, ultimately contributing to your personal relationships' health.
Navigating personal relationships, of course, can be a bit more nuanced. That's when a relationship coach becomes an ally. They assist couples in understanding each other's wellness needs and working through issues, leading to more satisfying and healthy relationships.
Sounds good in theory, but what about real-world results? Many people benefit from professional coaching to see improved wellness and relationship health. From individuals reporting enhanced personal relationships after managing work stress to couples experiencing improved understanding after relationship coaching, the positive impact is undeniable.
The next time you're thinking about making a change, know that it doesn't just affect your happiness - but that of those around you too. And coaching can help you get there more quickly and easily.
I've used coaching on and off for years and found that the benefits are great but the biggest challenge was that coaches were expensive and good/reliable coaches are hard to find.
Anyone with similar experiences?
| 7 |
Phone addiction
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I have spent 9+ hours on my phone daily for the past 3 years (m18-just graduated hs), I’d really like to get my daily phone screen time to under an hour while in college, but I don’t know how, especially since 90% of the time spent on it is mindlessly scrolling through tiktok or Instagram or even Snapchat. Any advice is appreciated as I think it’d make me a much better person and happier and much more successful.
| 11 |
Feeling lost with no directions
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I'm a 23yo guy and recently graduated in graphic design. The thing is, I just don't know where to go now, what to do with my life. It's been officially 3 months since then, and I haven't got any luck with finding a decent job, hell, I don't even know for sure which area of design I'm want to focus in and grow as a professional.
I do know I love it, and I'd also love to work with illustration somehow, but idk, it feels like I can't find the starting line for my professional journey. And I can feel the pressure of getting a job and making money. Mom and dad ain't pushing me so far but I am: I can't stand being still at home, specially after doing that for the last 3 years due to covid.
Still, I don't know where to start or how to strategise and stick to a good plan. And the way that the modern world is going these days it just adds wood to the fire: creative AIs, less jobs, money that doesn't pay as much, everything else that seems to be on fire right now... sometimes even literally haha
It's overwhelming to me, it's hard to find my strength and determination when I still don't even know what I want for my life.
It doesn't help that here in my country this is an area that is not very good, and I'd probably have to move to another country as my brother keeps telling me (he works on animation in another continent). So if I'm really to grow on this I'd have to leave, and to leave I'd have to get money, money that seems to be very far from my pocket. And I'm not even starting on leaving the nervous wreck that is my mom alone back here, already missing a son, with three huge dogs that don't obey her and need exercise that she cannot do. At least I'm single I guess XD
Anyway, sorry for the big text, I had to vent off a little bit... I'd really appreciate some advice for a young lost soul from this wise council :)
| 6 |
Lost Motivation as a Whole
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Background: 21M. Was an enthusiastic young man, performed really good at sports, did really good at my academics, was happy and optimistic, and most importantly, had a lot of energy in me.
Post-Covid, which I believe is the reason I've become like this, I've lost all motivations. I lost my body and stamina, became obese, lost interest in studying, and hence I try my best to get class average at every exam/test. I spend most of my time in bed, sleeping or scrolling Instagram. Even if I sleep for 9 or 10 hours, I'd still wake up tired.
I've lost all my concentration, I cannot sit even for an hour in front of a lecture/book. I'd end up checking my phone or YouTube. The worst part is that I feel guilty about my actions, yet still end up doing it.
I also overthink quite a lot now, and usually end up imagining the worst ever possible result.
Can someone help me overcome this issue? Is it because of the lifestyle change during COVID? Or is it because I have some underlying health issue? Has anyone ever faced a similar problem?
My important goals for the near future would be: 1. Get fit, 2. Improve my concentration and get better academically, 3. Improve my mental health.
TLDR: Was at my best Pre-Covid, both physically and mentally. Post-Covid, I lost all motivations and became obese.
| 4 |
How do I choose a good set of hobbies?
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I've been trying to replace my bad habbits with hobbies but I'm overwhelmed with the amount of things I want to do. To name all of them, I want to learn coding, baking, photography, piano, guitar, dancing, and language learning. I'd love to do them all but I feel like that's way too many hobbies to juggle at once.Since it's the summer I MIGHT be able to do all of them if I really tried, but since there are so many I think it would be more stresfull than fun. And when I get back to school It will be even more difficult for me to do all of these hobbies.
I would like to pick maybe 1 or 2 but I can't decide which ones to do .
| 7 |
Iam getting back to the Bad Days
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I stopped weed for 3 month I was smoking everyday high 24h iwas depressed like worst have bin throw I even attempted suicide but idk what pull me up and start new life stoped drugs start go to gym meet with friends learning web dev and doing well but I start miss weed so I Decide to smoke only in weekends since my work as web dev required imagination for site design like color scheme etc... so I smoked once and pull out to my old self 24h high just play video games and don nothing its have been week throw and ifeel like in dream or on autopilot and icant stop smoking weed now and feel depressed
Sry for grammar iam high rn
| 2 |
I have a health issue/ problem and i can’t take action
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I (m18) have this health issue although it’s not harmful to my physical health, it has made me feel embarrassed everywhere I go thus I stay at home more often. I want to take action but I don’t know how to tell this to anyone even my family
| 0 |
My energy levels are incredibly low because I am diagnosed with depression. what can I do?
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I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about a year ago while in a mental facility after a toxic relationship. since leaving, I have dramatically improved my lifestyle. I eat well, I sleep very well, I go to the gym regularly, cut out socials, read self help books, attend therapy weekly etc. But I still feel depression getting in the way of my life every single day. I am exhausted. All the damn time. and it’s infuriating. I used to be a bundle of energy before I went through everything that put me in the hospital and now I need several naps to get through the day. simple tasks are impossible most of the time. I take medication but I don’t think it’s helping, so i reached out to my psychiatrist and we’re working on an alternative. Please, I beg you, is there anything I can do? I’m so miserable and I cannot escape this. please help.
| 206 |
When I try to consult my parents, they keep making excuses for my failures
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I'm 19M who is entering the 2nd year of college once this summer ends. I feel like I wasn't really respected by my friends. I don't stand out that much. I was never invited to any research projects or extracuricullar affairs by my friends (I'm in a STEM field). So, I took the time this summer to objectively look back on why. That's when I realized I don't offer anything. I'm lacking in a lot of ways. My grades are mediocre: they're not at the level that people would asking me for help. On the socializing side - I suck at it. I have few friends and barely talk to anyone else in my class. Growing up, I never really had any friends at all so it's hard for me to understand the complexities of human relationship (things like networking etc.). I'm overweight. I don't have any special interest or talent that distinguishes me from other people. I'm basically what would pop up in other people's head when they think of a 'loser'
I have talked to my parents that I genuinely don't know where I would go in life because right now, I have nothing. I'm a loser. I was expecting some tough love (like for them to say something like 'great now you know your flaw, do something about it') from them and some advice. But they just keep making excuses like 'oh noo you're smart' or 'but you're a nice kid. Other people can see that in you' or some placating 'feel good' rhetoric they probably think I wanna hear and won't do anything to change the fact that I'm losing. I just felt really frustrated about this.
One of the harsh truth that I learned about life is that you have to have the ability to despair at your faillures thoroughly and not make any easy excuses. Once you engrave this despair into yourself you can start truly improving by using a different perspective
It feels really frustrating that even people around me are making easy excuses for me on my part. I feel like it keeps me docile and won't change anything. It takes failing in something for people to appreciate what they have and how they can improve, but my parents don't even let me feel the feeling of failure
Now that I know this, what should I do next?
| 10 |
A place for people to share their goals and progresses
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Hi everyone, I'm currently building a platform that allows user to share their goals and progresses with people they are comfortable with. It's like Twitter, but posts are organized by goals. Additionally, the platform is designed to be private, meaning you control who can see yours goals: friends and family, stranger with same interests, or just yourself. I also integrated a chatbot to comment on your progress update to provide a bit of fun and motivation along the way. No ads monetization.
The reason to build this is that I found current social media focuses too much on results, not progresses. Pretty pictures (let's assume they are real...) cause more anxiety than motivation. I struggle to find a place to share my journey with people I trust and get either emotional or technical support to make it through my journey. Personally I benefitted a lot from seeing how others achieved things (or even failed it) than what they achieved. Having a perspective of the journey is valuable. Having a bit of external motivation helps a lot too.
Would this be something people in this sub want to use? What tech/features you would love to have to help you be better or achieve your goals? All comments, supportive or critical, are welcomed!
| 1 |
How to recoup & get stuff done
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Here’s my situation, I recently took the leap and am working for myself. I am just about done with an intense contract with my first big client. I saved up and planned to use the upcoming month to get my body and mind back to baseline. With the new stress of owning a business, I’ve let my eating, exercise, and bad habits take over (nicotine, no sleep, sitting for 12+ hours at a time).
But this client I’m currently working with has some gigs next month and I have a lot of stuff to do for the business. So I’m still going to have a lot of stuff to do, but I would appreciate any tips or advice on how to recoup and have the energy to get back on track while still doing all the things I gotta do.
I know this is apart of my journey and it’s gonna be a lot of me just doing it feeling like shit but I could use any helpful tips or suggestions for how to tackle these bad habits while not letting my work suffer.
| 1 |
I convinced myself I was an abuse victim, but now I’ve realized that I was the abuser
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Last year when I was 15, I dated this girl who was a year older than me. I had an ED at the time. One time my parents had forced me to eat a giant meal and I asked her if she could stand outside the bathroom so that no one would come in while I threw it up (fucked I know). She complied and she said she felt bad because she thought she was enabling me, but then she congratulated me on purging successfully. It seemed like she was actually kind of into it sexually - whenever we were lying in bed next to each other she’d grab parts of my body and comment on how thin they were (“your knees are so boney”, wrapping her fingers around my wrist and saying “your wrists are so tiny”, etc). She also had a pattern of exclusively dating super skinny dudes and she told me that she could already tell that I had an ED when she first met me.
Then she started ignoring me pretty much overnight. She’d join group chats with random guys I didn’t know and whenever we went to shows together she’d spend the whole time talking to random men in the audience instead of me. Sometimes she’d call them cute in front of me. I got jealous but I was scared of confrontation so I never confronted her about it. Instead I posted something on one of my social media accounts referencing what was going on without naming her. I also mentioned that women who have “broken bird syndrome” are attracted to me. I forgot that one of her friends followed me on that account, and her friend took a screenshot of my post and sent it to her. She broke up with me over the phone. I had an embarrassing meltdown (“I am a terrible person and you deserve better”, basically making everything about myself and trying to justify my behavior etc), she told me to go get therapy and that it had helped her. She did continue to go to therapy, but she still acted the same way she had did before, encouraging other people’s self-destructive behavior by pressuring them into doing drugs with her and what not.
I convinced myself that I was abused for a long time but in retrospect, maybe I was the bad guy. I started it, and I was emotionally manipulative without realizing I was doing it. I don’t know what to do, I’ve told a couple of our mutual friends my side of the story. I’m sure she has too. I blocked her, she unfollowed me on everything. We haven’t talked since we broke up.
| 3 |
Depressed. Almost homeless Feel like i have nowhere to go.
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Hello everyone, im 19m and i need some advice. so to make this quick basically. I've been depressed for about a decade now. I've spent the last 4 years isolated unable to go outside and do different things.
I Barely past high school? I was supposed to get a certificate of completion but I got a diploma that I didn't deserve. I used to complain to teachers about my life and stuff and be relying on people who didn't really care because I was so lonely. This lead to college when i droped out only a month in due to mental health
This past year to everyone. I knew betrayed me in horrible ways ways that's even almost deadly and there were a moment where I have felt suicidal. My parents live Separate I live with my mother.
But she's always working and she's only prioritizing her college while my father is just doing his own thing and I cannot share my feelings to them. They have put me on anti depredsants and in thearpy. But thearapy i only lasted 2 weeks due to lack of money and thats was almost a year ago.
And out of anger I wonder if yelling at my mother causing her. To almost pull the cop hard and to be afraid of me. And I'm at a point to where I'm on the verge of getting kicked. Out I told my parents that. I don't want to be there anyway and then I won't speak to them again which I shouldn't have said. Basically all I want is to get up and Get a job so I could fulfill my Duty if I make sense.
Along with me being isolated and stuck in my room all day while my mother just slaves away at her work. Mentally drained. My mother says that she wants to put me on the social security because I have epilepsy. I'm three years caesar free by the way. But ever since september 2021.
She has never kept her word. There is a whole lot more to this but basically I just want to Find a way to live under someone's roof or somewhere so I could start focusing on myself and achieve my dream of being respected and dking meaningful things in life so i can re apply for college and do it well.. And it's a shame that I might have to be homeless in order to do so.
I've recently went to church praying about it but I feel like that's all I can do. If anyone has any type of advice I'd love to hear it thank you for reading.
| 30 |
I broke up with my girlfriend to prioritise myself - i feel bad and relieved at the same time
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EDIT at end of post
Saw myself giving her ALL of my time and energy and nothing for myself..
Before meeting up with her I used to run a lot and was super driven to run my business.. (achieve my goals)
After being with her for 2 months, I was no longer doing ANY of that.. Instead it was replaced spending my entire weekend with her as well as 6+ hours on my phone every day texting back and forth
She became my life and I no longer wanted any of that; made the rational decision to end it & pursue my dreams
It was super hard man, i loved her a lot and she loved me but I couldn’t fathom with the idea of not loving myself first
EDIT: been seeing a mixture of comments, I have taken the advice of a lot of you saying I should communicate this with her; I did and we’re now back together..
Also for the 6+ hrs texting a day.. it was not every second but id find myself picking up my phone and replying every 5 mins or so meaning id always get distracted from my work.. & yes im new to the dating game
| 236 |
How do I just get confidence? What are the steps?
|
It almost seems like confidence is just something you are just born with. but i know I can do something to get it, but how?
| 1 |
How to level up myself when I have a busy schedule?
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I am currently a college student. I am looking for ways to grow myself as a person but I get too tired mentally due to my busy schedule. This is my schedule:
\-3 days of the week, I work from 8.30-4.30pm and am out of the house from 7.30am-6pm(including going to and fro from work.). I come back home by 6pm. I take rest and start studying from 9pm-12am and then I sleep for 5-6 hours. I try to listen to podcasts when cooking/reading books on transport.
\-1 other day, I work and have classes from 9am-8pm. On this day, I wake up a bit late as I have work late.
\-I work from Mon-Thu and Fri-Sun, I am free.(I focuses on classes and catching up with friends.)
\-On weekends, I meet my friends and try to catch up on my sleep.
I really want to work on myself. I know it's a busy schedule but it's just for the summer. How can I grow myself constantly? Any advice is appreciated!
| 0 |
What’s your opinion about “There is no perfect decision”?
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Is it true?
I know there are some decisions that could make you less suffer.
| 2 |
I Can't Stop Lashing Out
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I don't consider myself a non compassionate person, but I am totally unable to control myself during heated conversations. For example: Today I screamed at my brother to the point of making both of us cry because he is thirteen and seems to feel men being stereotyped as rapists is worse than women living in fear of and experiencing rape. I usually start off calm, but it's like after a certain amount of calm arguing, I just start screaming and ruining my relationship with the person. Now I feel like he won't come to me ever again, we don't have a very close relationship as it is. This is a recurring problem with loads of family members. I start calm and with a plan of what to say, they say something that triggers rage in me, and I verbally abuse them. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to think I'm just a bad person. What can I do in and out of the moment to stop doing this? What can I do to repair my relationships? I think I make everyone else around me miserable.
| 12 |
Day 18 | Month 2 | Year 0
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I don’t feel good today. Can’t see any improvement even though I try. When I don’t try after feeling like that, I feel even worse and want to try again but I never manage to try again. This cycle is annoying.
Goodnight. post written at 11:16pm
| 1 |
My mindset shifted for the better a few days ago, but I’m afraid I’m going to lose momentum.
|
A few days ago I got sick of my life and messaged some counselors and therapists, looked into some volunteer opportunities, and decided on a literal whim to go to college. I’ve since completed the fafsa app and my admissions app to community college, completed all my onboarding stuff as a student, emailed my advisor to get started on class enrollment, and did an initial placement. I also chose my first 3 classes and have a plan moving forward for the literal first time in my adult life. Once enrollment is done I will start online classes in September.
This has all been prompted by my relationship issues. I realized I was depressed and codependent on my partner, and upon hearing that they want to move away from the area in a few years I realized I need to get my shit together and learn how to rely on myself, because unfortunately even if you love someone they won’t always stick around forever (and also I should love myself first!). Not only do I want to fill up my life with things I care about and find some community through school, but I think college will help me find the confidence and self assurance I’ve been lacking for so long. Like, I’m already stunned at myself for just *doing* this. Like, i enrolled in college in 2 days. That’s so impressive! I SHOULD be proud of myself and trust myself, you know?
So now, I’m terrified. I’ve accomplished so much in just 4 days and I’m definitely not patting myself on the back too much (I know the hard part will be *doing* the college lol) but I’m so scared I’m just gonna lose momentum and get all hopeless and helpless again. For lack of a better phrase I really need to keep this vibe going. I want to get ahead of it so I have procedures in place to make sure I not only stay motivated, but continue believing in my ability to accomplish this; because my self-confidence is 100% going to be my biggest hurdle.
So how would you suggest I go about maintaining my self assurance and trust? I took 10 years off between high school and college because I was scared and intimidated and didn’t think I could do it, and I need to remember that I can, even when it’s hard. Any and all advice is appreciated.
| 8 |
Finally ended a one-sided relationship and felt good
|
Hey there,
Just wanted to send a quick message to anyone who might be struggling with a tough decision. Remember, you deserve better.
If you find yourself in a situation that's not bringing you the happiness and fulfillment you deserve, have the courage to make a change. It might be difficult, but deep down, you know your worth and what you truly deserve.
Don't settle for anything less than the best. You deserve to be surrounded by people who appreciate and value you for who you are. Trust yourself, believe in your worth, and have the strength to step away from anything that doesn't serve your well-being.
You've got this. Keep your head up, stay strong, and know that there are brighter days ahead.
Sending you positive vibes and strength.
| 271 |
A "leisure ethic" would make us better parents, friends, citizens
|
I welcome your thoughts.
https://hedgehogreview.com/issues/by-theory-possessed/articles/toward-a-leisure-ethic
| 1 |
Spilling my heart and my anxiety here. annoyed with myself and life. I need a relationship to be happy? Super down. Stressed Might be falling degree. No love life. Obese. Worried il be alone forever. Potential adhd undiagnosed.
|
Hello everyone sorry I know I’ve posted about issues before but I need to again. Very long read. Advice appreciated.
I cry because of my weight and worried up always be alone .
Sorry this is a little random and I have various issues at play and i go from one thing to the next
Very long!!
Mature student 26. Nearly 27. Psych . Been crying a lot Lately. Going into final year - I’ve ended up with lots of resits. I repeated year one due to issues / Covid and even if I got the funding to repeat second year ( medical evidence to get an extra fund year) I really don’t think I could do another repeat year. I don’t want the stress. I have good intentions but really struggle with essay writing structure / paraphrasing / referencing organisation basically all you need to be good at uni! and procrastination issues. But I really want to get into year three. Il feel so
Sad if I don’t get into final year. I had no social life before uni. All the work I’ve done will essentially get me nothing if I fail.
I’ve said for years I want to lose weight. I got to about 10 stone from 13 stone but this was about 5/6 years ago. I put it all back on not long after. I felt abit better but I still don’t think I was happy. I wanted to look super
Slim but I have broad shoulders.
I’ve only had really two proper relationships and both at uni. First he ended it with me after 6 months . I lost my virginity to him and I was so sad and he had a fling really quickly and a new gf pretty quickly with a girl who use to come over a lot as she lived near and was friends with us all . . The second one also dumped me but after a month, he came out of a long relationship and I asked him are you sure you’re not rushing into it and he said
No. Then he dumped me in the SU after a month saying he rushed into it, then he was on tinder very Quickly after and was seen with his new gf quickly after.
Another story
I had and still kinda do have a big crush on another guy who was close to my age on my course.- a year or so younger than me a rare thing at my uni some guy near my age ! He was hitting on me but I popped up to him some moths later and he said he has a girl friend now and I was gutted- Ifound him really attractive and I very rarely find men attractive. I was so flattered he said he found me attractive but he’s been with this girl for like a year or two now. Also he’s taking a year out to work so even if he was single again he won’t be in my third year.
So both my exs have girl friends and my crush has a gf. It sucks.
I attend a small uni in the uk. I’m shy but I’ve gone out a lot in the past 6 or so months.
Both of my exs were younger than me at uni. They are still finding themselves which is fine and I’m still finding myself too.
I’ve got some slick for this but I’ve read
- generally not a good idea to date younger men - I’d say most guys at uni don’t want a relationship and women generally prefer older men. I’ve got some slack for this but generally I’d say it’s true (remember I’m nearly 27)
My time is precious and perhaps darting a younger guy
(Most guys are like 20 etc ) is abit of a gamble, age maturity etc.
I’m getting older - I don’t know if I want children. But I am scared il be alone forever, il be 28 when I’ve finished (if I’m lucky enough to finish uni)
Worried il never be happy with myself - keep thinking I need or want a relationship but I’m not even happy with myself but isn’t it sort of natural to want someone?
Pros -
Not to
Bragg - I’ve had women and men come up to me, strangers in recent months telling me that I’m very pretty.
I’m not perfect but I think
Cons
Weight holding me back
I’m quite neurotic
May have undiagnosed adhd - my cousin and best mate Thinks I have it but even if I get diagnosed I don’t want medication for x and y reasons .
I think I may have rejection sensitivity dysphoria
Always felt like an outsider. May have social anxiety but I still push myself to go out
Bullied from a young age due to being awkward, obese, unattractive but I think as I’ve got older I must have had a “glow up”
Not sure if I want children but I do worry as I am getting older.
| 9 |
First day in the gym in awhile and feeling pretty good.
|
Today was my return to the gym in about a month or so. I was nervous when I walked in but once I got into my routine and had my music going I felt great. I did back today and it was exactly what I needed. Felt good to do deadlifts again!
| 15 |
I Finally Apologized to the Ex I Cheated On
|
Title is self explanatory. 4 years ago, I started dating this girl. We'll call her D. I was 17 going on 18 and she was 16 going on 17. We met through mutual friends and she had always wanted to be my friend and had a soft spot for me. We took things slow before we started dating and thats because I had just gotten out of a toxic "situationship". You already see where this is going, don't you?
Anyway. The relationship was fine for awhile, but after some time, the girl I had been in the toxic situation with, L, was being... weird. We stayed friends because she meant a lot to me, and had seemingly moved on herself, but over time she would make offhanded comments, and get drunk and tell me she loved another girl but couldn't stop thinking of me. I should've cut it off here. Had I cut it off, I would've saved everyone the pain and trauma.
I resisted and told her to stop for weeks but at some point I just broke down and I knew I still had feelings for her. D and I were on the rocks because everything sent me into a spiral and I cut myself off from everyone. Our relationship was hardly a relationship since we only lasted about 3 months but the damage I had done in that time was irreversible to both her and myself. I didn't cheat physically but emotionally I did. L and I weren't together and I had no intentions of being with her but I knew I was still in love with her and that to me, is emotional cheating.
Both my friends and I victimized myself over the course of the next 16 months before everything came to a head and D and I went no contact. I'm not gonna go into detail but just know I was an awful person. Bottom of the barrel. For those 16 months I denied all accountability for anything I'd done, and allowed my friends to make D seem unreasonable for being upset at the situation that led to our breakup even though D still cared about me deeply as a friend. She could never bring herself to be mean to me, and yet that's all I ever was to her.
Well, I'm happy to let you all know that karma did get me. Very badly. And it was necessary. My next relationship ended even worse than my relationship with D. It was with someone we were both friends with at some point, and with the messy breakup came a lot of lost friendships. For months I was virtually alone, save for 2 people that were friends with me and my most recent ex. I reaped what I sowed, and I finally accepted that I was the problem in many situations. This was early last year, and a few days ago, after thinking and pondering for 11 months, I finally worked up the nerve to apologize to D, sincerely this time.
Initially, I wasn't going to, because it felt too little too late. But I knew I owed her one and I didn't want to rob her of her choice to read it. She read it, and we talked very briefly about something good that happened to her that she had been wanting from before we even started dating, and then she replied to everything I'd said. And she managed to do it with grace and kindness even though we both knew I didn't deserve it.
In the end she wished for me to be well, and for me to heal from everything I had also endured over the years. I hope in the future, all the pain I caused her will just be a forgotten scar that doesn't hold her back anymore. I hope she can flourish and exist without the weight of what I've done hovering over her occasionally like a dark storm cloud. But now that I've apologized, I don't know what to do with myself.
Will probably delete this later because I don't want it tied to my account, but I just wanted to tell this to people that aren't my friends, and won't tell me they're proud of me for something so bare minimum.
| 4 |
I am going to drop this weight.
|
I can’t take seeing this bloated face and extra stomach fat I have anymore and am going to do something about it.
| 645 |
Has anyone else been inspired to be a good person because of Pokémon and dragon ball Z?
|
Is it just me? The old show and the first three movies were so intense and impactful for me at age 8 that it actually changed the way I think up until 31.
After I rewatch the first movie it's like coming home from church when I get up and live my life when the movie is over.
Like I'm not a Christian or a catholic but there's something about gokus spirit bomb that's so moving, you know? He saves the world 300 times over because he hates evil and not a single thank you and he just keeps going. Even after dying 400 times.
Does anyone have anything fictional or seemingly strange in their life that they love that did this for them?
Does it always have to be religion (not that there's anything wrong with that), any agnostic or atheist dreamers with weird things that are like a second religion to them?
I've been practicing treating all people like equals my whole life because meowth didn't want to fight his clone in the first Pokémon movie.
That's just incredible to me for something to have that kind of impact on me, especially to only realize what was actually running in the background and motivating me the whole time at age 27. I really didn't even realize it.
It's funny how that works.
I mean really, there's 17 year old geniuses out there making 3d printed prosthetic arms that connect to your nerves because they got inspired by a show.
I watched people on youtube make hoverboards like from back to the future using 50 drone motors just flying over crops for hours.
It's crazy what imaginary things can compound and create in real life that we use in our everyday lives while all of these serial killers are out there murdering people and raping them.
It's almost like the solution to peace is right there under our nose.
| 64 |
going no contact?
|
I (21F) have decided it’s best I go no contact with my parents. I’m trying to move out in January when I go on campus and my plan is to not come back. My question though is how do I even handle that conversation that I want to go no contact? I know they will be upset/hurt but I feel awful around them and I just can’t take it anymore. I have time until then but any advice on how to handle that conversation and how to deal with still being at home for the next 6 months? Thanks all and please no negative comments!
| 9 |
i suck at making friends, tired of people pleasing, basing my self worth on how others reply or react. i want to change this..
|
I think that im boring or bore others or have nothing interesting to say i ask to many questions and the conversations are like interviews and i don't know how to show my true personality or how to make friends
maybe im desperate and needy and i chase peoples approval/attention
i don't know how to make others talk, im not that funny or cool or that interesting. maybe im being too harsh on my self..
i just don't know how some people can talk to each other for so long and not run out of stuff to say or talk about
its always me talking more, sending more messages, i always send long messages and still have nothing to say, maybe im doing this to get others to reply so i won't feel bad about myself or get ignored?
mostly its like this
me "How is it going?"
her "Good, wbu"
me"pretty good"
her"Good"
me" what are your hobbies"
her"names them"
me"that's cool"
or i ask "how is it going " or "what makes you happy " or "what do you love about yourself " or i ask "where you from" or "wassup" or "who's your favorite artist" and they name it and i have nothing to say afterwards
maybe because im so bad at conversations i no longer like to even have them, maybe that's why im so quiet most of the time.
like i suck at conversations.. maybe i need to work my self and not worry about making friends right now.
this is awful i know. my conversations are always dry as fuck, maybe i need to have fun in conversations so people actually want to talk to me? i just don't know how.
i feel like no one likes me or cares about me or loves me, its always me messaging first, its always me asking questions, its always me chasing, and im tired of it
at the same time i dont want to be alone forever.
i know i have to work on my self and i know i need to stop basing my self worth and whole personality on how others react
i mostly dont even know what to talk about, or what i should say or what to even say.
i used to just try to sext with every girl because dating isn't allowed in where i live, but i don't try to do this anymore, i have no idea what to talk about
im tired of people pleasing, chasing approval, chasing attention, not knowing what to say, being addicted to porn, posting here for endless of times, basing my self worth on how others react..
i know making friends is just a small part of life and there is more to life, i just dont know what
| 17 |
Should I keep seeking for Revenge?
|
Right being a lonely man with a very tough life growing up … I don’t know where to begin from.
When I was 16 in High School this guy who was 18 at the time way stronger way taller and way more intimidating than I looked, cussed at me and it was not just a normal type of a cuss word you can imagine all of the worst type of words and I did nothing about it as I knew I would have no chance. It’s been 6 years since it has happened yet I have not forgotten a single day about it. I’ve seen the guy a couple of times , I’ve looked at him , he’s looked at me , nothing happened. Yet what I hate myself for is not doing anything about it till this day. I feel like I need to get my revenge and go there and smack him whenever I see him even though he still has a physical advantage over me.
The worst part about this is that some old friends still mention it as they know about it and ask me why I did nothing about it. “You’re supposed to be a real man”. Every time I hear that everything that I’m proud for just SHATTERS.
This is my first time asking Reddit for advice. People say Time Heals everything but it’s been 6 years and I still think about it.
| 2 |
Lazy or something else
|
I feel tied all the time, I spend most of the day lying down with some naps, I cannot sit at computer for more than 20 minutes without thinking go lie down for 5 minutes
I go to the gym for cardio and weights most mornings for about a 1:15 but that just makes me feel worse.
I don’t wake up refreshed but a recent sleep study says my sleep is normal.
Blood tests normal
Any advise
Thanks
| 13 |
Celibacy Feedback.... Who's got some experience in this?
|
Looking for experiential insight, perhaps reading suggestions on the matter, and anything else y'all have to offer. Thanks in advance for your time and consideration.
Sooooo..... for context, I'm a 42 yr old male, divorced single dad (50% custody of a lil princess), previously very sexually active and using substances (mostly/only alcohol & herb) since 15yrs old, and almost always in a monogamous relationship (never cheated except for my previous porn use) since 14 yrs old. I've had successful businesses, athletic endeavors, a battle with cancer, and other succesful moments in my life and yet have limited myself with coping by means that don't serve me..... this reoccurring one being SEX (addiction).
Through some realizations and an effort to level up consciously, like many of you, reflection has led me to this space in my life. Last week was a year of sobriety (no booz - though I still smoke herb atm). I also quit meat about 2 yrs ago, after being an avid meat-eater and hunter for years. Quitting alcohol was a BIG deal for me. While I've set herb down for a year or so a few times in my life, I realized it wasn't affecting me to the degree alcohol was. I didn't get in trouble with alcohol (though I probably could have) and so it was a choice. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired..... brain fog, low energy, emotional moments, cost of money/time/relationships, etc you name it. Not dwelling..... and, what would my relationships, spirituality, businesses, life, etc look like had I taken the time, energy, and money given to alcohol and re-allocated towards those more anabolic/positive channels? That's simply a reflection.
NOW..... I might ruffle some feathers with this, and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of my serious distraction for women. This is the longest I've been celibate, 7 months, and just about a month with no porn or self care 😬😅
I've been struggling. I've kept myself in and anti-social for a bit since leaving a toxic codependent relationship 1.5 yrs ago. I went on a journey of self love and care, after that and coping for months excessively with alcohol. Now that I'm out of that super dark place, I'm being a little more social (some because of my daughter and activities) and the women are around. I love women. Have a great relationship with a ton of them, including my mom and grandmother. I believe I was gifted an amazing daughter as part of this journey also. Time to GrOw through this. So, now that I'm in a better place, loving me for me, and feeling confident again.... women and attraction are showing back up. I turned down some recent opportunities for lust. That was fairly easy. That's not my interest. Being a degree demi-sexual and having experienced tantric moments, I'm not interested I that with just anyone or for a quick fix, fling, and void-filler. I'm in it for more than just that. I also see the broken parts of these souls and how they might be seeking sex, validation, companionship, you name it as a coping means or for dependency themselves.
All said, I'm not sure I'm in a place for a relationship (time, energy, or emotional wise). My old therapist, she suggested "a friend" or polyamory, which again I don't think is for me (as mentioned above). Most guys I know are full of encouragement (usually well-intended for me) to get back out there and sow my oats. Again, that's not my thing. Been there done that.... it's empty. And, arguably wrong, especially if you know you're taking advantage of the situation and/or know it's not serving.
**What are your thoughts? Suggestions? Who has some successful feedback on this subject matter and is willing to share?**
I sit here wondering if celibacy is for me (and that angel that is out there and may appreciate such the journey) or if "a friend" (with full disclosure as to my current mental/emotional space) could be a more serving option.
Thanks again, in advance, for everyone's time and help through this growth opportunity 🙏🤙
| 8 |
My plants are helping me grow
|
I've started having flowers under my care and this motivates me to wake up early to go see how they're doing, give them water if they need it, clip off any dead leaves/flowers so that new ones can grow. It starts my day right and makes something inside of me come back to life. I recommend it :)
| 22 |
how to create a personal life?
|
(26m) I've been living with depression for years now. I recently started working again 2 weeks ago after 6 months of living as a NEET. The first thing I realised after working is that I don't have anything to look forward to outside of work. Everyone around me has a life and plans but I'm basically working for the sake of paying bills and staying alive.
I don't have any friends or social life whatsoever. No hobbies or skills. I don't want to wallow in self-pity anymore. I just want to take charge of the things I can control.
What things would you recommend I do to create a life outside of work and to have something to look forward to? So far I'm thinking of volunteering at animal shelters but kinda scared to go alone.
| 13 |
Not able to move over cringe memories
|
Hi everyone!
I keep getting reminded of the cringe things I did when I socially interacted with people and for once, I cannot seem to get over it. It is driving me nuts!
I try to be myself when I am with bunch of people, try to be humorous but at the same time not very chatty too.
I mostly consider myself as an introvert but when I match wavelength with like minded people, I really like to open up about things.
Is there a way to cope up with this? Need a way to win over my mind reminding me the things I shouldn't have done (according to my mind :P)
​
| 4 |
I came to terms with being a short man 22M (5"2')
|
I got told other people could benefit from this post so I decided to share it here as well!
Hi guys! I just wanted to make a post about this, I've asked for advice before on how to deal with being a short man and all that comes with it, the rejection, laughs, loneliness and all of that. I wanted to let you know that I've finally accepted, if someone disrespects me because I'm short then that's their problem.
And if someone doesn't feel attracted to me at all then that's fine too, I've been dealing with being touch and emotionally deprived for years now, and now I can understand that being short is not so bad. Yes, I know that most people don't understand how bad it can be, but being hateful and resentful is not going to help you at all.
Some things that helped me were anime and manga like: Vinland Saga, Vagabond, Real, and others, you guys have no idea how much they helped me, the characters in these mangas go through some pretty fucked up stuff, and yet they are able to move away, away from the violence and hate, being short doesn't compare to their stories of course, I definitely related with their feelings and emotions and seeing them overcome their stories in such graceful gave me immense peace.
So, in summary, if you are a short man that it's struggling, I just wanted to tell you that, it's okay, it's okay to feel bad, we have reasons to feel like that! You can try reading the mangas I recommended and checking the posts that I made months before looking for help, you can DM if you want!
Take care guys.
| 42 |
I just escaped an extremely abusive situation and I have no work experience, college education, or skills at 22. What do I even do?
|
I’m escaping from a very, very abusive home environment. My abusers were my parents. They wouldn’t allow me to work or learn how to do anything to be independent. I don’t know why they treated me as such. I just think that they never wanted me to begin with.
I didn’t leave when I was 18 because I was essentially brainwashed into thinking that if I did, I would be a horrible monster of a person.
I lived with my disabled grandmother for a while and I took care of her, and they threatened to put her in a nursing home if I left. She died last year after being on hospice for a few months.
So now, I’m 22. I have never had a job. I don’t have a college education. I have literally no skills. I’m practically worthless and useless in society. I have no friends or other family for support.
I’m extremely depressed and anxious, and I have a lot of self ending thoughts. I feel like I’m just a waste of space to society and it’s too late for me now. I just can’t stop feeling that way.
| 86 |
Looking for a - serious - accountability buddy
|
I don't really care what you're doing or what it is you're pursuing, as long as we check in at least once a day to motivate each other/ask of we did what we were supposed to do.
Tbh I want someone just as strict as me, and I don't like to take it easy. I want somebody who is just as motivated. We don't even need to talk or text much or anything, just this "hey, did you do your hour of French today? What did you do?" etc. I'll also share my weekly plan with you so you'll see how I structure my day/what I need to do.
| 2 |
I got better and didn’t think I could
|
I’ve lurked this sub for a while and lately I’ve been doing okay!
I’ve got shit going on at work which is just what it is, but otherwise in life it’s going great. I got diagnosed with ADHD earlier on this year and the medication has helped me in ways I didn’t think it would help. I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, and I used to live in constant messes, I was unorganised, I was unstable, I just wasn’t okay.
I tried and tried and tried all the tips to get better, I tried anti depressants and it didn’t work. I tried therapy and it worked whilst I had therapy but not after when I started feeling better so finished. I tried pushing through the depression and just going for walks or forcing myself to eat or shower or do something I enjoy and it never seemed to work. I literally cannot express how hard I tried for so many years and how nothing worked. I did meditation for a while but I couldn’t stick it out and when I failed I didn’t get back up and try again. I just always gave up, like I had nothing left in my to give. (TW: Sewerside) I was coming at the end of my tether and tbh I was seriously considering ending it all. (End trigger)
When I got diagnosed I honestly didn’t think it would change my life that much, I thought that I might be a bit better at remembering stuff or concentrating on something but I honestly didn’t think it was flat out going to cure my depression. I’m still a little anxious but this is low self esteem which I’m working towards. In the past I could never keep a journal, I’ve now got around 5 journals for 5 different areas of my life (that might seem excessive but I struggled keeping track of my work journal vs my hobby journal in the same book so I did different journals for different areas). In the past I was seriously unorganised, now I don’t even recognise how organised I am. It’s like I’m a completely different person! I advocate for myself more and I speak up when someone has done wrong. My memory still isn’t great but that’s where the journals come in handy, and advocating for myself more means I ask people to help me remember by reminding me or setting an alarm for me. I still have bad days or sad days but I don’t punish myself, I don’t sit in absolute misery that I’ve gotten myself in a pit again. I don’t stare at the dishes and go “for fuck sake you’ve done it again.” I don’t think I need to do everything myself anymore. I ask for help, and it is still difficult I still feel guilty sometimes but it does help a lot and it gets easier every time. I just make sure I properly rest and I journal lots to make sure I know what’s going on in my mind.
I just wanted to share so that someone out there can see that it will be okay. I thought I would never ever get to the point I’m at now, 10 years ago I know I’d be amazed at myself. The fact I don’t have a floordrobe is fucking wild. I put clothes away…. Wtf that would’ve never happened. Seriously, you, I hope you see this and I hope you feel that you can. Because you can and it does get better. Sometimes you need extra help or a diagnosis to tell you that it’s not your fault, it’s your brain not being able to produce enough dopamine to help you get through to the other side.
| 8 |
Begin your day with calm & focus using Jay Shetty's morning routine
|
Hi everyone,
I've dived into Shetty's morning routine, where mindfulness and purposeful habits combine to create a springboard for productivity and mental wellness.
His approach, particularly the interplay between mindfulness, affirmations, and physical exercise seeks to boost you with energy and focus for your day.
​
* Wake up at 6 am after 8 hours of sleep
* Start the day with affirmations for happiness, health, and healing
* Avoid using the phone first thing in the morning
* Practice mindful tooth brushing, spending 4 seconds on each tooth
* Engage in a 2-hour meditation session, which can be broken into 4 30-minute slots
* The meditation includes breathwork, visualisation, and mantra practices
* Spend 2-3 minutes journaling to set intentions for the day, along with expressing gratitude
* Play tennis at 8 am, four times a week for physical health
* Enjoy a chia seed breakfast bowl at 9:30 am, paying attention to gut health
* Sip on herbal (mint) tea at 10 am to stay grounded and healthy
* Use the Aura ring to track physical and mental health data throughout
* Reflect, adapt, and continually try to improve the routine.
Remember, this routine is a guide, and you might need to adjust it based on your schedule and lifestyle. Also, Jay Shetty recommends trying it for 7 days to witness its impact.
I have created a more detailed routine & converted it into a free calendar that you can easily sync to your own. Comment below if you would like a copy and I will send it over.
I'd love to hear about your experiences and transformations incorporating this routine!
Thanks,
| 1 |
I need to exercise but I can't
|
ETA: I'm 27F, I'm 163 cm tall (5'3) and weigh about 57 kg (125), my BMI is 21.4. I'm not looking to lose weigh. I just want to look after my health. I struggle with depression and while I lead a pretty "productive" life I'm aware I need to take steps forward to actually improve and not just keeping things the same. Thank you all for taking the time to answer!
I even feel embarrassed to say this but I can't for the life of me keep any routine to work out. I've never been in to sports but I did enjoy playing tennis, badminton and rhythmic gymnastics (nothing on a professional/ serious level, just some extracurricular activities I did at school/ high school). Now I'm almost 28 yo and sooo out of shape. I tried going to the gym a couple of years ago, went a few months (four I think) but didn't enjoy it one bit. Maybe because I did it alone... I enjoyed going to pilates classes though. But I didn't feel any improvement through that time just felt like more bloated but not stronger or with more energy.
I currently don't have money for a gym membership, so I tried working out at home. When I was at uni I used to do it. Never had a proper schedule but managed to have somewhat of a routine. Now I don't the will to do it for more than a week. In the last four years I spend almost all of my time at home besides going to work because I was preparing to be a public servant. During this time I'e developed some neck and back problems since I spent so many hours sitting studying plus stress etc.
I just feel so weak and heavy even though I'm not overweight. I feel tight, sluggish, slow and I want to do something about it but I dread being at home (I live with my mother and she is not the best supporter "why are you working out if you never stick to it" etc)
Any advice is welcome, thanks.
| 265 |
How to assimilate your brain to stick to your goals and objectives?
|
I (19) am struggling a lot with sticking out to my goals, for example gym and my studies, those tho are the ones I want to prioritize the most right now, for both health and for start looking for a job (computer science related if it matters), but the thing is, sometimes it's very hard for me to start and stick to them, even if I do them for like one week and I do not do it for one day, my brain goes "okay screw you" and shuts then down together. I've been to some sessions of therapy but I had to stop, but they told me it's related to my pattern or thinking.
I often get this hard feeling of starting but I know that doing both is something that will benefit me and I want to do them. I tried to put my thoughts together but anyways, is there any practical way to put it to work? Any advice, tip, suggestion or self experience would be immensely helpful!
| 4 |
I am not interested in anything, i am doing things out of fomo
|
I'm a 23 y/o F international student studying medicine in an east european country, being very obviously foreign here has made me grow, but it has also taken a mental toll on me. Outwardly I'm pretty driven, but sometimes i feel like I'm doing things purely out of fomo. I feel like i am no longer interested in doing anything, the only thing that keeps me going is that if i put certain things off i will feel worse and stress myself out in the future. I dont think i have depression, i am able to preform day in and out, but i do go through down phases where everthing feels like a chore, and sometimes i just crash.
Due to certain circumstances i don't have a distration from my thoughts this summer, I did not manage to get a summer job so i dont have anything to immerse myself in, and decided that it is in my best interest to remain in the country i study in to get some things done.
I already identified that I have low self esteem, invalidate myself and compare myself and struggles to other people. I dont know how to stop, I have been adviced by my friends to speak to myself and try things that interest me, what do i do when genuinley nothing interests me? everything feels like a chore, and i feel like i just ramble when i speak to myself or i just don't know how to do it. Should i otp for therapy to help me work through this? i feel like I've been stuck in a self awarness loop but i dont know how to take myself out of it?
| 2 |
How do you accept being alone?
|
Loners of Reddit, what's it like spending adulthood alone? I finished school last week and am looking for a full-time job, didn't make a single friend at school nor do I have any other connections outside of it or online. I lament the years that I've lost that should've been spent like any other teen but were wasted playing games. I'm too weird for normies, but not weird enough for most alternative groups/online communities. Most of what I like attracts people who're more sensitive than me and care more about things like politics where I'm an 'it is what it is' type of person who doesn't take much seriously, so there's a core divide in attitudes between me and a lot of others my age who're more woke (don't think that's the right word but whatever) than me.
I'm starting to think that if I haven't made a single friend or felt a connection with any sort of group then I'm just not meant for such a life; why attempt to weasel myself into a world that I don't belong in? I'm accepting that this is who I am and that my adulthood will be spent alone. I'm very certain that I have AVPD or similar but knowing that doesn't really change anything. Have any older Redditors been the same way? How do you accept and find contentment with this way of life?
| 23 |
irritated when over-stimulated
|
I (21F) am on vacation with my family for another week or so. My family is very toxic and I don’t go out much nor is it fun for me so I’m very overstimulated and just overwhelmed. I can tell I’m getting irritated for no reason so I’ve been just disengaging and staying quiet or going on my phone. I won’t lash out, but I can tell I am getting irritated. Is there anything I can do to help this?
| 0 |
Main Character Syndrome?
|
How do you deal with the realization that you might have a case of “Main Character Syndrome” or an inherent self-centeredness ?
I’m in the process of moving across the country and have been working 7 days a week in order to make that happen, so I spend a lot of time with myself and not really expending energy forming new relationships (what’s the point if I’m moving away from the area and have no time to hang out because of work?). I think a lot about the past, what I want to improve upon, and what kind of person I want to be when I move to this new city - all with the intention of being a better person and living in alignment with my values and who I actually think I am. The past two years were difficult for me emotionally and I ended up ruining several relationships with friends and a partner because I reacted to old traumas in ways that were maladaptive.
Being alone and having productive therapy sessions has done wonders for me, however I think I’m struggling with a case of main character syndrome when I DO talk to other new people like my coworkers or when I go on casual dates. I know no one cares about my problems as much as I do, but unpacking them has literally been my entire past 9 months and I frankly have no idea what to talk about with other people or how to have casual conversation. I’m very “in my head” as a person and have an issue with ruminating in the past on a daily basis, especially when it’s slow at work or I have free time. It makes it hard to actually attempt to get to know people or even care about others in the really basic sense of just asking how their day is going.
How do you balance self-reflection + getting a better grasp on your inner world AND participating in external life with real people ?
| 12 |
my chaotic mind
|
Hey all, I'll be quick - this is as much for me to get my thoughts down as for help, but it'd be much appreciated!
I'm resolving to write a little about my situation and thoughts publicly, every day, as I try to be a better person. Better in my case mostly means more productive, open, patient and attentive to the people and world around me :-)
Today felt kind of manic (in the colloquial, not the psychiatric sense) - head raging with thoughts, all over the place. Don't yet know how to manage it. I have a lot of ideas but struggle to explain myself, struggle to put them aside and put in the work, and struggle to feel seen or understood, even inwardly.
I get caught up in new ideas and in my life's lack of structure; I struggle to actually do the things I know would make my life better. I enjoy part of how my brain works - when I've tried to really discipline myself in the past, I hated it. So I'm trying a more gentle kind of discipline. But it's still very frustrating to have so many ideas and lack focus so badly.
I guess I'm trying to balance the benefits of that tendency to idle wondering, and my desire to figure out my feelings about my life so far, with the need to actually set about creating the life I want!
And sometimes my feelings about my past and about the world in the abstract feel much more pressing than the things I actually need to do. I'm trying to be more mindful, set realistic goals, take care of myself, all the obvious stuff.
Sometimes I get hung up on losing particular creative ideas before I can write them down - for comics, stories, songs, poems, things like that - which is stupid but hard to help lol.
I think the no. 1 thing to work on, looking at all this at a slight distance, is to practice awareness - recognition of when my state is getting a little out of control, and keeping that in context of my actual life. Does this rabbit hole I'm going down actually matter? Am I avoiding something which \*does\* need attention? Easier said than done too, I guess, but at least it's something to work on.
I guess most of all I want to feel a little more peace in the chaos of my mind, and be able to channel it creatively the way I'd like.
I have a lot of goals and accountability things I want to implement, but I think tonight I'm just gonna chill, calm down, quietly work on some stuff, get my mind a little more settled.
If anyone has ideas/comments/similar struggles, please share!
| 1 |
What productivity methods you’d recommend to use on your digital system? Tried Second Brain, GTD but i’ve known that there are a lot more methods like Trident Calendar, 12-Week Year, One Thing, Atomic Habits (some use the rewarding system). Best if there’s an existing templates
|
Hello everyone, i'm currently building a second brain template as a side project just because i'm curious. As I reach near the end of this project, I want to explore more productivity methods/ systems out there that I can incorporate into my digital life.
Any suggestions guys?
| 1 |
How to overcome comparison?
|
I’ve always compared myself to others, I’m 21 and I feel bad.
All of my classmates and friends from the past that I still have on social media seem to have these cool group of friends, cool things and generally a cool life.
And not just in social media, I’ve talked to them and it’s so easy for them to have nice friends and cool things.
I’ve tried so many times and I know it’s not because I’m shy or introverted, I’m an extrovert person and it’s easy for me to talk but people just don’t wanna be friends or hang out with me.
In school my art is always being compared with my classmates and people just LOVE to compare myself to other people they know.
That makes me feel like a cheap version of the people they know.
I was never an envious person but sometimes because of this I catch myself being one.
How I overcome this and truly live thinking of my own worth?
| 9 |
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