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I lost all of my friends and I want to stop feeling lonely
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I (25F) used to have a large group of friends in college and kept in touch with them after we graduated. But after COVID hit I started to realize that I was not as close to most of them like I thought.
My ex-best friend was very depressed and was emotionally abusing me, which in turn caused me to isolate myself even further out of increasing anxiety. It eventually got so bad to the point where I had to completely cut her off and quit social media for a while for my mental health. I also went to therapy for a while.
But in doing so, I lost all my remaining friends because 1) I lost a major channel to contact them with, and 2) they were closer to my best friend than they were to me, and thus gravitated towards her and stopped talking to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if she told them that I cruelly abandoned her given how she used to talk about others to me.
Fast forward a couple years, I have work friends but we work remotely so it all stays pretty superficial. I think I really miss the emotional closeness I used to have with my best friend, where I could be completely vulnerable and genuine.
Sometimes it feels like I’ll never get to make a close friend ever again. I know I should get out more, but I feel so socially inept and out of practice in the real world, I don’t know where to begin even if I did join a club or started volunteering or something. If anyone has experience with this I would appreciate any advice or tips you have.
| 14 |
How to start loving myself
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Hi, I'm [19M] and for the past few years I've been struggling with a lot of things. Mainly confidence, which stems from being anxious, insecure and feeling like a failure.
But trough all that, I've always wanted a relationship, since most of my friends either have someone, or are able to jump from one relationship to another with ease. In the meantime I never had a relationship and that didn't help my confidence.
Well, after around 4 years of trying and failing, I've realized that the problems lies somewhere else. I've started going to therapy and now I'm looking for other ways to better myself. And one of them is loving myself more, since right now I can't say anything good about myself and see only a failure.
And there's lots of failures in the past year. For instance I crashed my car and failed final exams as well as multiple more.
I just can't think of a single good thing that I did and don't know how to change that.
Please, if anyone could help me see myself in a more good light, I'd greatly appreciate it. As well as any tips about my anxiety and confidence issues.
| 5 |
Getting through the exam phases
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Hello to everyone, I am a new member here. I have been trying to self-improve starting from March, and it started with p\*rn addiction. Not the crippling case though. However, with my daily usage of laptop (for obviously unnecessary reasons) things were harder. I have eased through that tough phase, but I am also working on having my digital screen addiction out of the way. Which, to say, is seeming to be quite impossible.
I will be writing a few SATs and exams coming in 5 months, and I have no clue on where to start. First is the nationwide exam, which determines if we will be getting into a good uni or not, and also the medium of selection for one of the toughest exams which is ranked under top 10. I want to write the exam, but I have a lot on my plate and I have no clue on how to organise things through.
For starters, I have not studied my 11th properly, which made it hellish for 12th. Now, things are just getting worse. The concepts learnt in 11th and 12th is important if I want to get a good score on that nationwide exam, otherwise I am doomed to fail. There is actually a retest kind of thing which will happen a few more months later after the first test, but I know people would have studied well by that time and getting into a top college will become harder.
Any tips and suggestions, other than taking a drop for the next year? I have talked it through with my parents, but they are not willing to. And, for me, it's understandable because they have not only paid my coaching fees, but also paid for another so that I could study and manage to get a top score.
Whenever I see my dad, I have huge respect for him, but I can't pay him back, even by a percent. He has lost his job, but he still smiles at me everyday, telling me to keep going forward. I just want to reciprocate his kindness, even by a percent, by proving what I can achieve.
Sorry for the long post, but the backstory was required. For anyone asking about the exams, they are held in India (JEE Mains and JEE Advanced, ranked 2nd toughest exam in the world).
Yours,
Sham.
| 2 |
Any 30 yo out there feeling stuck?
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Im 30 years, 31 in a couple days and I don’t own my own place, have no car been saving for a motorcycle but seems that this won’t be the year, I was saving to attend my cousins wedding outside my country but lost my job and recently bought a new laptop (much needed) so I have to pay that, my phone and my credit cards so my savings will be gone by the next month. Everything it’s so expensive can’t find a job with a decent salary! Scratch that.. can’t find a job! I just feel so small. Don’t have much friends and even if I did can’t have regularly cause everything it’s expensive with Uber and all that
| 43 |
Advice for letting go of anger and being positive
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As the title says, I would love some advice on letting go of anger and to stop taking a negative look on life. It's affecting my friendships (they're such lovely positive people who I want in my life), and I'm worried the angers going to spill over and destroy everything else.
I don't know how to stop it and be better, I don't like the direction I'm headed. I've moved countries by myself, it's been difficult to establish roots and its been so lonely.
I've got a therapy session set up soon to get some professional counselling, any other advice is appreciated.
| 11 |
How to solve my apathy and indifference about my life.
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How do I have more interest and stop being apathetic towards my life. I’m passive in some way. I want to be more proactive but the problem is I have low self esteem and get shy easily. I’m also hyperactive which makes get shy more because people often would not like someone who is hyperactive.
When someone criticises me I might lose interest in improving my life. I want to get rid of that feeling. I struggle to thrive in competitive environments. It dims my motivation.
I might be a people pleaser and have problems with guilt feelings. I also think to myself many times I help others why don’t I help myself? But when I help myself I feel guilty. Does anyone else feel this way. I need to solve this issue. Also when I start improving and be in a better place I get worried about the hate I will get. I don’t know why people make others feel unnecessary guilt. It’s horrible.
| 3 |
Shake Up Your Reality: An idea of Breaking Free from Patterned Thinking
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Look around your room, choose an object.
Ask the internet algorithms:
\- how it’s made.
\- How it works.
\- Repeat
And Voulia you did it
Benefits:
Never get bored
Become infinitely wiser
I just added this longer line for aesthetic reasons.
| 2 |
I married a narcissist who controlled and manipulated me through my family, finances, job, and my huge weakness of avoiding drama, confrontation, and being meek/mild natured. It's almost 1 year to the day I decided to leave.
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\- The first thing I did was apologise to my family, who noticed I was hollow inside after the first few years, and only saw the fire in my eyes when I would defend my wife blindly from any and all criticism. I felt I had a duty to protect her and as a consequence threw my family away. They forgave me.
\- The next step I took was to look around me and see what was left of me. This is literally the same step I'm on still. This is a long journey. Spending time with myself was such a relief, after doing everything for her and nothing for me, but I get stuck often. I get stuck being fascinated with things for a period of time, jumping from one thing to another, but I know I'm just distracting myself. I'm always in a state of constant preparation. Recent example, I'm listening to an 8.6GB audiobook about the history of civilisation when I should be volunteering at a garden centre so I can talk to new people. I'm Work From Home, I type more in one email than I do actually talking.
I need to break this constant state of preparing. There are hundreds and hundreds of examples. My whole life I was used to goals and milestones. How does one set a goal when they feel they aren't enough right now, and don't know the criteria of what constitutes enough.
I need to stop worrying about if my whole thought process is broken. I get scared I'm too comfortable being by myself, and if this feeling will metastasise until I don't the spark in me that wants a future relationship. The feeling comes from how chaotic things were, constant drama, regulating someone's emotions/needs/wants within a fine degree of tolerance, because they would combust otherwise. The feeling of how difficult that was, compared to how easy things are now, because I myself need so little.
I need to stop worrying if I've let so much bad stuff wash over me for so long that I won't do something beneficial for myself, because I've gotten used to suffering in relative silence.
But I am worried about all of these things. This is the first time in a long time I'm not sitting online with something from work on the other screen, or headphones in, or some obscure article etc etc
| 30 |
Turning 16 soon and feeling very behind in life. Anyone in the same boat? I want to become better
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I know im still a teenager or whatever but when I look at others my age it seems like I just havent “grown up”. Ive been basically friendless and lonely for my whole highschool career because of social anxiety and then depression. Im now entering my senior years (gr11-12) I feel like I missed out on my life. Ive spent so much time sulking and wallowing that Im a complete blank slate. I have no hobbies or interests, I have no friends basically no social life, stuck in a limbo where i only dream about my goals and not pursue them, and in general feeling so insecure that it becomes a self sabotaging pit. And because of all these I feel that no one wants to be friends with me.
Im starting on self improvement, seeing a counsellor, getting meds, trying to build my personality, make more friends, get more hobbies and interests and shit but i cant help feel this kind of regret that i am this way and that Im still so behind. I feel that when I try to talk to people now or make friends I have this kind of mental blockage in my head reminding me that Im not interesting enough to have friends with or that i am behind and not at “grown” as my peers.
Trying to re-enter the social world made me realize how much of a loser I actually am compared to people my age now, and even those younger than me have social lives and hobbies and interests, bright futures ahead of them full of potential and I cant help but get jealous. I hate seeing other people having fun in social groups because i wish so bad that i was with them. I have lost so much time. It also doesnt help that puberty hasnt done me well either. It feels like everyone has grown up without me and its left me feeling completely useless, stupid, and completely behind in life.
Is anyone in the same boat as me? Or if anyone has struggled with the same thing but was able to turn their life around? I just want to know if Im not the only one struggling with this because I feel so alone and worthless.
TL;DR turning 16, feeling behind in life because of social anxiety and depression wanting to know if anyone has struggled the same and/or was able to become better.
| 2 |
22 and unemployed
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I'm going to start off with saying that please I don't want advice on my CV or anything of the sort, I feel like the situation exceedes me and it isn't about something that I'm doing particularly wrong. I'm a 22 trans man living in a thrid world country who has a massive economic issue, seems pretty logical to not have a job. The thing is, it is eating me away. Everyday I wake up depressed and frustrated, I have trouble concentrating and staying motivated with life, and I try do do various things but don't succeed in anything, nothing feels rewarding (except socializing). It's weird cause I've always been an outcast for a number of reasons but lately that's the only good part of my life, which is ironic, it seems as you can never have money, love and health at the same time. I don't know what to do to get out of this loop, and I feel like it will only go away once I get a job, but with the economy and on top of that me being trans, getting hired is increasingly difficult. What can I do to be better? What can I do to not be stuck in this loophole?
| 2 |
How do I get over extreme guilt for not taking a chance
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How do I get over guilt of declining a dream job role? A recruiter reached out to me and I interviewed knowing I'd have to relocate for the position. I am currently working from home full time and happy with my job. However, the other company would have opened up opportunities for me. I chose to stay at my current job and to not relocate. I am now experiencing major regret for not accepting the new role and not sure how to move forward from this. I reached out to the hiring manager via LinkedIn telling them my regret and if I could be reconsidered for the role and they did not respond. Any help is appreciated. I really feel awful and like I will never forgive myself for missing this opportunity.
| 6 |
Potential for kindness
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We are all born with an innate potential for kindness. It has the ability to transform lives by transcending barriers, bridging divides, and fostering greater understanding between us. It can mend relationships, even make a positive impact on the world at large. It's written into our very DNA, and woven through the fabric of our society and culture.
Yet in today's fast-paced, disconnected, and often chaotic world. Negativity can easily consume us, and we must actively make an effort to be kind. Which is not always so easy to do.
Because being kind requires self-reflection and growth, it means constantly working on ourselves and our reactions. It means accepting challenges. Where on the other hand, blowing up, being indifferent, being mean or downright merciless, is easy. Effortless. It's simply letting ourselves go.
Occasionally there may be times when we regret not showing kindness in retrospect. Perhaps we missed an opportunity to help someone in need, or we were too caught up in our own concerns to lend a helping hand. These moments can evoke feelings of remorse or missed opportunities for connection and growth.
I feel it's essential for us to reflect on these experiences and learn from them. Does anyone here have stories where they had reservations about displaying kindness? Or times where they regretted not showing kindness in hindsight?
| 3 |
What can I do to overcome this loneliness?
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I am a guy in my mid-thirties. And I have never been in a love relationship before.
I wish there is someone (a life partner) near me whom I can connect with romantically and sexually. I feel that I am feeling lonely due to such a lack of person in my life.
During my 20s, I was using the excuse that there is still time to find a life partner. But now that I have reached mid-thirties, I tend to feel lonely more frequently, sometimes even multiple times in a day.
All my peers have managed to find their life partners by their 30s and have married and have kids. They seemed to have started building their life path and wonderful memories. And I feel that I am still stuck in step 1. Ultimately, when they reached an old age, they will feel satisfied and accomplished with their life whereas I will be feeling all the regret and sorrow of not experiencing a love relationship in my life.
There were many times whereby I will be alone at home or in my office and I will be shedding tears because I feel overwhelmed by this loneliness. I will start wondering whether I am not destined to be in a love relationship in this life.
Sometimes, when I hear my colleagues or friends mention about their spouse, I tend to feel sad that I have not found my life partner yet.
I wish that I can have a love partner to able to share my life with. A love partner whom I can sleep with and wake up to in bed and cherish having that person as my love partner every morning.
I try my best to work on things that I like. But it seems difficult to divert my mind from this loneliness.
Why does loneliness affect single people easily?
(Or in particular, why does loneliness affect me easily?)
And what can I do to overcome this loneliness?
| 23 |
What fears do you have about going to therapy?
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What fears do you have (or had) about going to therapy? What keeps (or kept) you from going?
Insurance is a big reason for sure, but I want to explore answers that aren’t insurance/payment related.
| 10 |
living at home with unhealthy dynamic
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I (21F) live at home currently and will until January when I plan to go back on campus for uni and never come back and go NC with family. I feel really ashamed that I’m still dealing with this family dynamic/situation at 21 years old bc I hoped I would be well past this by now but due to a mental health collapse I took time off. How can I overcome the shame of still being here as well as coping with it until I leave in 6 months? Also, please no comments asking why I’m going NC, what did they do, etc.
| 5 |
What mindset/ practices helped you let go of resentment after being wronged?
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I learned some valuable life changing lessons from a recent heartbreak. Currently on the journey of self healing and improving myself. I journal consistently. (Been 4 months now) However im having trouble dealing with one (negative) feeling. Resentment. Being unable to forgive. No matter how much I try I still hate this person for what he did to me and i want him to suffer the way he made me suffer. This thought pattern obviously affects me in negative ways. I understand I’ll be able to heal completely when I forgive them and let it go completely. I just do not know how. I’ll greatly appreciate any videos/ book recommendations or any similar personal experiences that might be helpful
| 9 |
Can you forgive yourself?
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Was thinking recently about how people don't really make that many big mistakes that hurt others frequently.
I have hurt so many people, in different ways. Never physically but definitely emotionally, and discarded many people as if they meant nothing to me.
Can a person come back from being a bad person? Can I forgive myself? Can I open myself up to love and be loved once more?
Only former bad people possibly respond please lol
| 40 |
I'm surprised I'm alive. Perhaps it's time to turn things around
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Last night, I wrote a note and cried the hell out of my eyes for hours. I downed an entire bottle of wine on a semi empty stomach, and I took way too many benzos. I'm not even sure how many. I wasn't planning on taking my own life, but in case I was I left something and just kept going with taking benzos and drinking.
I passed out for maybe 15 hours until I actually woke up and I was fine. I'm still a bit dizzy and hazy, but I'm fine. I can study, I can talk to people, I can form cohesive sentences. Hell, I usually dissociate but I'm thinking very clearly right now. I did my groceries and I'm fine. But mentally, I feel absolutely abhorrent. I can't be the self-destructive on a casual basis and expect my life to go smoothly every single time.
The fact that my body can withstand a lot has inspired me to instead focus on working out more, and I will start lifting this August. I will at least take a walk every single day, and jog every other day. I will make use of the fact that my body is strong and my organs have taken too much from me with my drinking and more recently benzos abuse.
My drinking habit is getting better. I don't drink that often, either socially or every few weeks but when I do it's always under circumstances like this.
It's time to make a change. I'm too young and broke to develop an addiction or damage an organ.
| 3 |
the hardest wall I have hit
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Lost my job a few weeks back, losing my apartment in a few weeks, having no luck given my circumstances to find new ones, was too late to tell the only person I have ever loved I am ready to be loved before he moved away and found someone else, 2 suprise surgeries and still in recovery, my good friends have all but become memories, and I am really trying to find some sense of purpose and drive to save myself this time. I have reinvented myself several times in the past, but this time feels different. I am just so tired.
| 3 |
How do I kill off the lazy dumdum within me?
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I graduated university a month ago. I don't have a job, friends, or any other commitments in life, and have all the free time in the world that I would like to spend being 100% productive.
However, knowing myself I have settled for a moderate "bare minimum" three hours of productivity every day: 1h of reading, 1h of studying a foreign language, and 1h of drawing. Reading and studying for an hour is enough for me, but drawing is something I would like to do as much as possible.
Sounds doable, right? 3 hours, 3 different activities, easy peasy? Yet I have failed to do all 3 almost every day. There are many reasons for this (low energy levels, struggling to switch from activity to activity fast, them requiring different moods, etc.).
I *am* being productive to a degree, and I feel like by the end of summer I will more or less manage to do all three of these things everyday. But it also feels like way too low of a standard or expectation for myself, and that I could be doing so much more with my time. The month of June has already passed with very little to show for it. There are people my age with insanely good work ethics or who have worked out these issues by the age of 20 (I'm 24 now). I don't want to freak myself out because then I'd get paralysed by anxiety, which is why I'm being so forgiving now, but I'm just not doing enough.
What do I do? Can I go to therapy/CBT for this or do therapists want to work with people with more significant issues? How do I become more productive? I can't even go to a nightclub despite meaning to for months because I can simply never commit to something in a concentrated enough manner. I literally feel more stupid and removed from reality than when I was 19.
| 2 |
Impulse control and emotional reactions
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I (26f) struggle with managing my reactions, especially when something triggers my emotions. I am self aware and know how my impulsive reactions contribute to my own stress and relationship issues, but I’ve never been able to quiet my mind and pause before I react. I always rationalize my feelings, want to make a point, and end up making things worse.
I am ruining my life and this cannot continue.
Does anyone have any insight or advice on impulse control, particularly when it comes to intense emotional triggers and reactions? Please share any practices that have worked for you.
Thank you!
| 1 |
I let my addiction rob me of my abundance
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Hi there, I came across this page and thought I’d share my story in the hopes that I’ll get some guidance. I’m an addict, am aware of it. I’ve tried cutting cold Turkey and have failed. I’ve been hospitalized due to complications my addiction has cause and I’ve been fired from 3 jobs in the last 2 years because of my addiction and how it changes my behavior.
It’s made me late for deadlines, it’s made me commit errors that have cost a lot of money. Most recently, I landed the job of my dreams, this was the first in 3 years that I’m not working from home. We had a hybrid schedule, to which my addiction would become obvious to my boss. She even confronted me mentioning she had noticed a pattern and to shape up because I wasn’t past the 90 day period. The truth is that she was impressed by the quality of my work. I would still be employed if it weren’t for me constantly asking if I could work from home and giving her crazy excuses. I didn’t want them to see me and notice that I have a problem. Well the problem made itself apparent regardless of me hiding it or not. I came to the realization that I’m still insured until 8/1 and that means I can go to a treatment center. I called and a really nice one in palm beach and I plan on admitting myself for treatment today. I’m sharing my story on here in the hopes of getting some guidance on how to start over again. I feel like I need a change and would like to move out of my current city. I live in Miami. What would be the best cities for me to start all over? What options would I have to start making some money in the meantime? I’m so lost. At least I’ve come to terms with the fact that I need to get sober fast.
| 21 |
Live more fulfilling life?
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I'm 24 currently working as a waiter make a FT salary working PT, like the $ from my job and not much else, don't do much outside of work aside from gym, no hobbies or friends, and I'm unsure what to do with my free time. I'd like to make more $/get a career, so I've been looking at other jobs/side hustles I can do with my current job, but I'd also like to meet people/make friends with a hobby. So right now I'm stuck between doing mma again(meet people, improve skills) and getting another job/or career training.
I don't really relate to anyone at my job, they're a lot younger, live with parents, etc, and I have problems really connecting with others, I'm pretty content alone but I do want friends I can improve with. I think I'm also depressed because I've had a lot happen to me in a short period but I've tried to avoid it as I've had to work and provide for myself. I don't really know how to get more fulfillment out of my life, if I did get a hobby(mma) I feel like it would consume me again and I'd start missing out on everything else.
| 1 |
Today I registered at a dentist, and booked an appointment for the first time in 9 years.
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I was always terrified of dentists - my old dentists weren't great, it left me with a lasting fear.
But a bad tooth forced my hand to look into finding a new dentist. My appointment is on thursday, I am terrified but I'm going to go, and get this bad tooth sorted, and I'm going to keep pushing myself to go, get all of my bad teeth sorted and make sure I look after them.
​
Update: The pain got so bad tonight, I ended up at an emergency out of hours dentist - £600! Absolutely do not recommend letting your teeth get so bad you need to do as I have done.
​
Absolutely devastated it's cost so much, but it's my own fault really :(
| 277 |
i watched really really really bad pornography and i cant live with myself
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I am 16f turning 17. I was exposed to porn at about 7 years old and ever since then I've had an addiction to pornography and masturbation.
I started to watch more and more vile shit and absolutely disgusting stuff, dehumanising and misogynistic. A few months ago I watched hentai pornography with some characters that are very very young (they look and act like 7 year olds) from a game called genshin impact. I watched these about three or four times and I got off on it (masturbated) and I rightfully and understandably feel so disgusting and horrible because even then I knew it was wrong and I was and am completely against watching this stuff, as I think its pedophilia. I don't know why I did it but somehow I didn't even think about it again until now. I acknowledge its really really horrible and absolutely abhorrent and disgusting. I never watched it again but I continued watching pornography with other really bad themes in it. I stopped completely a few weeks ago and never plan to start again. I don't know why I watched that, I feel so guilty, I understand it's deserved but I dont know what to do.
I told my mom and some other family members and I got a therapist. They keep telling me it's completely different from actual stuff with minors but I definitely crossed a line and I feel so ashamed with myself, I dont know if they understand the actual implications of what I did... For a few days all I've been doing is sleeping and I keep vomiting when I think of what I've done. I feel like I don't deserve my friends because if they knew they'd think I'm horrible and that's completely okay and valid, I would not blame them. I told one of my friends everything and I told them they don't have to be friends with me anymore if they're not comfortable after finding this out. They said that they're glad I'm trying to be better and they want to keep being friends with me. Now I feel like I should tell all of my friends so they can drop me if they feel they should do so because I feel like they have the right to know. But my therapist said I shouldn't tell anymore because I'm only doing it to punish myself or something like that, and I may be overwhelming them.
I feel like I'm lying to them if I act normal (we have a group chat and stuff) because they think I'm a good person and I don't do shit like this but I did. I understand I can't erase what I did, I want to take accountability, but I feel gross and horrible and everytime I look at someone I think of how they would hate me if they knew this. My mom tells me to try to move on because I stopped looking at that stuff, but I feel like if I was a normal person I wouldn't have done it in the first place. I feel gross and I never thought I would sink this low. I thought about suicide at some point but I don't know. I did something absolutely immoral. I can't interact with my friends normally knowing I did this because if they knew they'd rightfully be disgusted. But at the same time I don't know if I should tell them. I hate myself for what I did and I honestly don't know what was going through my mind. What should I even do at this point?
| 224 |
How to deal with internal willfulness/resistance to making changes?
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I have been wanting to lose weight for years and one way I really struggle is dealing with feeling very resistant to doing things that I don’t feel like doing. When I don’t feel like eating the healthy meal I planned, a very willful part of myself will come up and refuse. When I try to get myself to go on a walk as planned, this resistance will come up if I really don’t feel like it. This willfulness and resistance usually takes over and wins. I know many people will basically just say I need to push harder, but it seems like the harder I push, the more resistance I feel. I’m wondering if people have other ways they talk to themselves or manage these feelings that allows you to be able to follow through on your original plans.
| 1 |
How do i challenge The Negative Thought that Everyone has a Better Personality than Me? i Hate this Thought
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Anytime i see basically anyone i feel like they have a better Personality than me, that are cooler and better and funnier.
How do i challenge this thought?
i know everyone has their own unique qualities, everyone has their own struggles and that everyone is different from one another. Yet i still struggle with this.
I tell my self I need to be Happy with who i am, and what Personality i have, and keep working on myself to be the best version of my self.
I think i look for External validation/Attention to prove to my self that im cool/funny/intelligent/witty rather than seeking my own Validation. Its like Harder to believe my own validation than others, Even when others give that Validation its for a brief time..
Last Night my brain was telling me to Download Social media apps to sext or look at porn, i instead meditated for a while and then exercised then watched some funny YouTube videos..
I realized i was thinking like that so i could get others validation/attention rather than depend on my self to be Happy. I was Bored and my brain was looking for the easy way out.
| 3 |
Need to get my life fixed
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I just turned 31 and I’ve not got anything going for myself. I’m constantly making the same mistakes drinking alcohol almost everyday until I’m drunk and cannot remember what I’ve said and done the next day. I’m overweight at 18st I’ve tried to lose weight but always lose motivation.
I don’t know how to move forward just end up going in circles.
I just feel like leaving everyone behind and moving away to somewhere nobody knows me.
| 4 |
In my semester holidays and have no idea on where to start to improve
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I've completed my first yr of college pursuing cse and I have 20 days semester break.
I have no idea on how to use it ..I really want to improve myself on all areas physically and mentally even emotionally but i really don't know where to start...
Suggest some schedule for me ...cause I'm just wasting days by being on my phone and getting up late...
I want to incorporate both fun and studies in my schedule and more of self improvement
| 2 |
What could I do to combat all my major problems as a whole?
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Broadly these are the issues:
* not sincere towards my job (running away from pressure)
* not kind, honest and respectful towards my family
* reckless about health (food and cigarettes in excess)
| 3 |
I've made my boyfriend resent me...
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My boyfriend's attitude towards me has changed, and it involves other women, although it's not in a cheating way. It's just uncomfortable for me. I've always struggled with anxiety and communicating effectively because of it. During our relationship, I was going through a lot in my family life, and my boyfriend was the one person I felt comfortable sharing my thoughts with. Unfortunately, I went overboard and would run to him with every problem, big or small. I focused too much on the negatives in life, even things that didn't matter much. He expressed feeling like our relationship revolved around me and my issues, and that he didn't feel heard. I promised to change though at times it difficult given the situation at home. I was often miserable and negative, and though he tried to make me happy, I couldn't see past the negative aspects in my life. If I could go back I would’ve gone to therapy. I wasn't in the right frame of mind, and I didn't put in enough effort for the sake of our relationship. He began worrying only about me and my problems. He said he started feeling sad, wasn’t focusing on school and expressed it was his first time feeling anxiety in his life. He told me all of this and I didn’t do enough. I’m so horrible. Overtime time he decides to focus more on himself since I wasn’t fulfilling my promise. It's important to note that he doesn't have many faults, except for his attitude towards other women. In the beginning, he unfollowed all girls, including real-life friends and Instagram models, and kept his relationships with women on a basic level. But now, he doesn't do any of that. He follows women, even did a bet with his friend to get a girl's number, messaged her and everything. There was a situation where his friend gossiped about a girl who wanted to hook up with him in the past and he even had feelings for. He unblocked her on social media to check her profile to see what his friend was talking about but didn't re-block her afterward. He even left a comment on another girl's TikTok who was clearly trying to get with him even though it was a harmless comment, something he wouldn't have done before. Nothing led to anything. He admitted that the state of our relationship led to this change, and he didn't consider how it would affect us because I didn't resolve my issues and he just simply didn't have as much care as before. He felt lost, sad, and unloved during those moments. I feel terrible for causing this, but he keeps repeating these actions, making me feel like I'm losing my sanity. I'm genuinely trying to improve, but when he does things like this, it triggers my anxiety and insecurities. It's gotten so bad that I've had to block him on Instagram to stop myself from checking his following list for any new female followers. When I talk to him about it he doesn’t feel the urgency to fix it because I didn’t fix my issues in the past, he will sometimes say I should fix all my problems first before I come at him. It’s all my fault that he no longer feels as invested in our relationship anymore.
I've been feeling better mentally but it still hurts, I've been taking action to change my behaviour but I can see he's not the same. He even says it. He gets annoyed with me easily too. I've improved a lot here and there I'll make the same mistakes, its like it gives him flashbacks and he'll get so upset. I've basically ruined my relationship.
I went to therapist once this year and she basically said it's hard to care about others feelings when your going through your own personal issues and maybe I wasn't ready for a relationship but I don't care hurting someone this way is never a good feeling...
| 17 |
6 months free of weed and nicotine
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Last 6 months have been all about change. I was a heavy smoker for over 20+ yrs and beginning of this year I quit smoking and drinking. I went through some insane withdrawals and now I’m happy to share the withdrawals are over. This had made space in my life to take on other things. I got married and now trying to have a baby. I took time off from my job but now I’m realizing it was extremely toxic and I want to change where I work. Seems like a huge task to find new work while trying to have a baby. But let’s see.
| 29 |
I’m Overwhelmingly Envious of Other People. I Don’t Know How to Stop Feeling This Way.
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In my spare time, I’m a writer. I’m currently working on a fantasy-adventure novel that I hope to get published one day. I tend to swing between loving and hating it, which seems to be the norm for creative people as far as I can tell. I try to remember my good days and push past my bad ones.
However, my biggest hindrance in my creative life, and maybe my life in general, is my envy. I cannot stand seeing people succeed in areas that I’m passionate about, especially in creative areas. When authors, artists, game developers, and other creatives that I respect win accolades or receive large amounts of praise from people, I feel gross. It’s like something is squeezing my heart and making me abnormally angry. I hate it, and it benefits no one, but I can’t make it stop. I start to wonder what the point of my own writing is. I start to resent myself for wanting to write in the first place because of the anxiety that it gives me.
Even when I try to take a break from writing altogether, the negative thoughts don’t stop. I can’t consume media without thinking about the person who made it. I think about how much money they must’ve made. The people that they know. The amount of fans that they have. How well they’ll be remembered when they’re gone. It’s all vapid, material garbage, but despite everything, and while I hate to admit it, I want what they have. I want to make money off of my work. I want people to feel inspired by what I do. I want people to tell me that my writing’s good and that I left my mark on the world somewhere.
Maybe this has something to do with how I perceive my life to be fairly bland and hollow. Don’t get me wrong: I’m very grateful for my family and the life that I have. Still, my job doesn’t pay me as much as I’d like. My savings account is near-stagnant. I don’t have any friends. I mainly get fulfillment from my hobbies, which may be why I feel so awful when those hobbies and passions feel “threatened”. There’s too much insecurity tied to what I love.
I’d really appreciate any advice that you may have, as well as any stories of people who feel or have felt similarly. I hate feeling so negative all of the time.
| 5 |
A thought game I've starting thinking about
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So I'm thinking about scheduling tasks to help with my depression, things like an hourly reminder on my computer to stand and stretch every hour while I'm working. If I haven't eaten in 6 hours, eat. Etc.
So then I started thinking about more things I could do and what ifs, and creating preprogrammed sets of rules. So I started thinking...
**Good girlfriend\\boyfriend**
\* If you haven't talked to them in a day, an alarm reminder on the phone; if not in 2 days, then an alarm on the wrist; if 3 days then, wrist vibrates and makes noise; 1 week and it send an auto email breaking up.
So what other rules could be instituted? What about presets for Good Spouse? Good Child? Good Parent? Thoughtful or humorous - or both!
EDIT: My Mom suggested:
**Good Child**
\* If you haven't talked to them in a day, an alarm reminder on the phone; if not in 2 days, then an alarm on the wrist; if 3 days then a little electrical charge that won't stop until you pick up the phone and call your parents.
| 3 |
Quitting alcohol at age 21
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I have come to realize I’m a better person x100 without alcohol in my life. I’m going sober from alcohol forever at 21 and nothing is going to change that. I’m attending my first AA meeting tonight. Reach out to me with any advice or if you need someone to talk to, there’s always hope and always resources. ❤️
| 21 |
You must Forgive Yourself
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The Enchiridion
By Epictetus
Written 135 A.C.E.
Translated by Elizabeth Carter
1. Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.
The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. **Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men**. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed.
Aiming therefore at such great things, remember that you must not allow yourself to be carried, even with a slight tendency, towards the attainment of lesser things. Instead, you must entirely quit some things and for the present postpone the rest. But if you would both have these great things, along with power and riches, then you will not gain even the latter, because you aim at the former too: but you will absolutely fail of the former, by which alone happiness and freedom are achieved.
Work, therefore to be able to say to every harsh appearance, "You are but an appearance, and not absolutely the thing you appear to be." And then examine it by those rules which you have, and first, and chiefly, by this: whether it concerns the things which are in our own control, or those which are not; and, if it concerns anything not in our control, be prepared to say that it is nothing to you.
| 11 |
How to get over constant nagging fear of infidelity in happy committed relationship?
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My (27F) boyfriend (30M) does everything right. He's a wonderful human being that I respect, adore and appreciate every highly. I am deeply in love with him and he feels like my forever person. He reciprocates all the same feelings. I have a messed up history of introductions to relationships with child grooming that led to my first adult experiences in relationships. I havent had a long term 'relationship' since then (which ended when I was around 22) that I dealt with infidelity in.
Now I have the best partner I ever could've asked for, and I fear my deeply ingrained trauma experience of the grooming + infidelity of my past will make me over-worry about that in my new relationship and cause issues where there aren't any.
We are very happy. I trust him, but still feel cautious and worrisome. He's doing everything he can to comfort me but I know this is a me issue, not a issue he's giving me, and I know he's not responsible for it. I want to give us the peace we deserve. The fear of infidelity nags at me all day every day and I need it to quit. I just want to be peaceful and happy.
What can I do to get the fear to die down?
For reference, we are extremely communicative, he knows about this fear of mine, and we have only known each other since the end of March; been together as a couple since mid-April, so a fairly new relationship/person in my life. I've been hoping that the longer I know him the more at least I'll become but I seriously don't want to harm us with this nagging dread in my mind all the time.
| 7 |
Don't attack people for wanting sobriety
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I'm just posting this because of a comment on a previous post I made.
I get that weed isn't inherently bad or anything but attacking a person for wanting to cut an unnecessary drug or substance out of their life isn't a healthy way to help improve their situation.
Discouraging sobriety is the last thing you want to do to help someone who is going through something.
| 15 |
today I start my journey
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This post marks start of my journey. I'll be honest i've tried starting my journey many times and failed doing so , resetting the goal/milestone clocks multiple time. But this time it will be more than words it will translate to executions. All the distraction are being removed.
​
| 5 |
On Friday, I made probably the most worst, most self destructive mistake of my life. Now I’m making changes to everything.
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I’ve always enjoyed a drink with friends but I’ve often let it go too far because of my mood or something that’s been troubling me and led to embarrassing and difficult moments with my close friends in the past. I’m talking crying in the bathtub with friends desperately telling me it’s okay type stuff. But on Friday I definitely overdid it and now I’ve had to seriously reevaluate a lot of things about myself.
My fiancé and I had an agreed open relationship with the stipulation that we would tell each other everything. Earlier in the week we had met up with a mutual friend and I considered there could be something more. For some reason, I neglected to tell her and on Friday after getting way too drunk I kissed this friend and tried to set us both up by having her spend time with another mutual friend she had feelings for. I was so out of it, I didn’t see how upset she was, as well as my friends who aren’t talking to me right now. Needless to say, she’s been incredibly upset and I have a lot of amends to make. She’s been incredibly hurt but is willing to forgive me as long as I change and I’ve been making an effort to face all the issues that led to this.
I’ve started with stopping drinking. Entirely. After many conversations with my fiancé we’ve both agreed that my problem, among many, is that I can’t drink in moderation. Once I start I don’t stop and it’s easier to cut myself off completely. I’m also looking into therapy or any apps that allow me to progress and unlearn a lot of self destructive behaviour.
We’re basically back to square one as a couple and I’ve made extra effort to show her how much she means to me. She needs me to earn her trust back and I’m working like a mule to show her that I’m not taking it lightly. We’re also talking more and I’m being open and honest about everything.
I’ve apologised to her profusely and she’s believed me when I’ve said it’ll never happen again and I’ll work through my issues for her. The friends I’ve hurt is gonna take a lot longer to amend and I’ve given them space instead of harassing them with my apologies.
If anyone has been in a similar situation or just has any general advice I’d really appreciate it.
| 8 |
be more assertive/get a backbone
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I (21F) pretty much have no backbone and can’t stand up for myself or assert myself. What are some reasonable ways I can practice this so I can get better at it, and how do I overcome the shame of being like this for so long?
| 33 |
how can i love(like) my face/look?
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hello. I realized that I do not want to look in the mirror even when washing my hands for a long time. no matter what i do i find myself so ugly. it is coming from inside and i dont know how to deal with that. any tips for stranger on the internet?
| 2 |
I want to be better but I’m also self-destructive.
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Recently there was an incident in our home that made me feel oppressed. I felt like I lost my purpose in life. I have plans for my life that got destroyed and now I’m back to square one. I feel like it ruined my life plans.
My problem is this. Ever since the incident I’ve adapted self-destructive habits/behaviors such as staying awake until 3 in the morning, not showering/doing my skincare, and eating unhealthy food. Basically these days all I do is wake up, scroll on my phone the whole day, sleep late, repeat. I want to break these habits. I want to get better. But there’s also a part of me that believes maybe I deserve this lifestyle. I no longer have plans/purpose in life anyway.
Obviously I want to get therapy for the things I mentioned above but right now I’m still saving up for that. But I really do want to become better. I find myself asking “Why should I help myself? What’s in it for me? What’s the point?” Why?
I hope you guys can help enlighten me. Please be kind in the comments. Thank you.
| 9 |
I find humans stupid. I want to like them.
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I want to make more friends. But I don't believe I am mature enough to handle them. I don't like people who are against trans, fat shame others, be racist. I don't like people who never admit they are wrong either. People are allowed to have their opinions, and I guess, I shouldn't act like I am right half the time. But I keep feeling like if I don't speak up when something which I consider wrong is happening in front of me, it will continue to happen.
I don't wanna dismiss people as stupid. But when I don't dismiss them, I keep thinking that maybe they can understand my side of things and I can understand theirs? I guess, I need to work on my communication skills. I can try to explain to people my opinions without sounding like a douchebag. But then again, some people still won't listen.
Any suggestion would be helpful.
| 7 |
As I close my eyes to sleep, the past thoughts comes and I won't get sleep
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Having not so good past about relationships, how can I control my thoughts especially when it's night and I am alone.
Not able to make a peaceful sleep!
| 2 |
25m looking for wisdom
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Hi! I'm a 23-year-old male from England, and I'm reaching out for some guidance and wisdom. I want to clarify that this isn't a plea for pity or sympathy. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, and most importantly, I don't want to feel sorry for myself. I could simply use some advice.
To provide a bit of background, I used to work for the emergency services, which I really enjoyed. However, I struggled with my mental health, particularly anxiety, partially due to the nature of the job. As a result, I made the decision to step away from it in April. I moved back in with my family, which has been great because I have a strong support network.
I've tried a few different jobs since then, but most recently, I had a trainee accountant position. I was genuinely enjoying the job and thought I was doing well. Unfortunately, they let me go on Tuesday. Despite this setback, I'm staying proactive by applying for other opportunities and updating my CV. However, I could use some pointers and advice.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Have you ever found yourself comparing your progress to others and feeling like you should be achieving more? If so, how did you overcome these feelings? I have a decent number of friends and I'm involved in a couple of clubs, which is great for my social life. But when it comes to finding a job, I'm currently facing some difficulties.
I appreciate any insights or guidance you can provide. Thank you!
| 3 |
idk what to title this but ya just here to ask some advice or thoughts
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I (18m) am stuck, i have almost a month left for uni in another country and i’m moving out for the first time, my days are mundane, i sleep at 3/4 in the morning and wake up at 2 pm and at 3 i usually go to my friend’s place to smoke weed, i have been smoking weed only everyday for the past couple of months, it helps me push through the day. I am always scared and anxious about something or the other, I might have adhd cause i can’t focus for 5 minutes without being distracted.Im a nervous mess, anything happens i’m scared or anxious. I want to change my life around but i keep giving reasons that i don’t have time or some bullshit. I can’t even stand up for myself cause i’m weak not just physically but mentally as well. My friends make fun of the fact that i’m weak and it does motivate me but in the end i do fuck all.
Any thoughts ?
| 2 |
I want to update my wardrobe, but I'm scared too scared go shopping
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Got my first job and finally have enough money to buy my own new clothes (which I hope will up my confidence just a tiny bit).... only there's just one problem. I just... can't do it. Right now I'm looking at clothes online, but obviously it would be easier to go into an actual clothing store and just directly trying clothes on.
I don't know why, but ever since I was a child, I've hated clothes shopping, and I've never been able to do it, even as an adult. I've tried so many times, I often walk past and can spot clothes I find nice, but when I try to go in there and browse through the clothes, it's like my brain shuts down. I feel like everyone is staring at me, judging me for my awful clothes, unclean skin, frizzy hair, that they're laughing at me browsing possibly uncool clothes (when they're in fact perfectly normal clothes like everything else in the store).
The neon light seems so bright it brings out all my flaws, and when I pass the store mirrors, I am reminded of how hideous I am.
I manage to browse one or two pieces of clothing while feeling like I'm getting knifed in the back by people's stares (which are likely only just in my mind), and I have to leave the store because I can't even concentrate on whether I want the clothes or not anymore.
It's just an awful experience, every time. I don't feel good about going grocery shopping either, it's a stressful experience, but I still manage to do that every day. But I just don't know how to deal with clothes shopping. It's even worse if other people accompany me. I literally can't decide what I like, because all I'm thinking about is how they'll judge me for it.
I don't know how to get over this fear of being judged. People say "don't care what other people think", but no one ever told me *how* they do that.
| 20 |
How to be more confident
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How to be more confident?? Im so insecure in my relationship, I compare me all the time and Im so afraid to be cheating on. my anxiety will kill me someday because when I feel worthy Im pretending. Idk what to do anymore, its so bad.
| 4 |
My goal over the next year is to start managing my life like a grown up.
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I need to be in a job with benefits a year from now, mainly health insurance since I’m gonna be 26 next summer. I hope to be in a new job by the end of July/start of August.
I need to be working four or five days a week, and start saving money. I’m tired of being a spendthrift. I need to save up so if by chance I get kicked out, or my parents go into assisted living, or they simply decide to sell the house, I could find a place and not be homeless.
I need to buy a new electronic device, since my laptop is old and not what it used to be. I should’ve done this purchase after my first payday at my current job, but now almost a year later, I still haven’t because I failed to limit other kinds of spending. This is the main purchase I need to make within the rest of this year.
I need to go on a diet and lose some weight within the next six months. I’m not gonna become some anti-obesity crank, but I do recognize eating loads of junk food is not healthy now. I also think my food preferences are beginning to change with age. I already don’t have a taste for soda or white rice on the level I used to. I usually drink water during lunch and dinner at this point.
Lastly, I need to change my sleep schedule so I can practice driving. I haven’t made any attempt to learn up to this point because I’m up late a lot (for no good reason, bad habit), so I wouldn’t have the concentration necessary to drive a car.
I’m good at recognizing problems, but to to this point, I’ve sucked at taking action. I need to become a responsible person who can get things done. Wish me luck!!!
| 54 |
How do I process and move on after someone says some really shitty insults to me?
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For context, this was one of my close friends and she just absolutely insulted and humiliated me in front of multiple people. It’s been bothering me for days and it hurts. I feel betrayed and hurt from the insults and how she acted because not only did she show her true colors, she also cut deep with the insults.
I don’t want to repress this and have it come up later and I don’t want to stay uncomfortable over this matter, what should I do to move on? I have her blocked on everything and am not discussing it with her, I just want to process it for the sake of myself because I don’t want to add to my struggles and have it slow me down.
TLDR - need advice to process a hurtful situation
| 5 |
How do I [18F] become more well-read and articulate my words better?
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People say I’m smart but I feel like my opinions on a lot of topics (modern and older events) are very surface level. I also feel like I struggle with verbally articulating my words in public spaces/conversations. I want to start having in-depth and well thought out opinions on topics when people ask me about them. Any suggestions?
| 170 |
Ways to help me have a sleep schedule for a day and evening shift
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I believe my sleep is contributing to almost all of my mental health and health problems. So for a week i start my shift at 5:30am to 12:00 and next week from 12:00 to 20:00 pm, when i work days i take 5 hours naps which ends up not letting me sleep at night, and when i work evenings i stay up late to 3:00 am and repeat the circle. Been doing this for 6 years now. I feel like my body clock is messed up and i want to reset it at least.
Thanks.
| 2 |
Had zero ambition in the last three years, now I'm 20M and I'm looking to turn things around.
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I'm a university student who's currently studying Engineering. For the past three years since I enrolled I had been suffering with mental illness, and it kind of caused me to just.. turn my back on my education, as well as just neglect my future as a whole. I haven't failed any of the courses that I had taken (miraculously), though I didn't do very well in them either, just satisfactory. Over the course of this summer, however, I've been getting a feeling of wanting to turn things around, and wanting to build something for myself. In the past I would always have this feeling of hopelessness, that whatever I do in attempt to improve myself wouldn't help me, and that I'll never be happy being myself. But I've kind of grown out of that feeling. Despite potentially feeling like I will still be unhappy after a self-improvement journey, I still want to better myself, because I think that it'd be better to be miserable as my best self than feeling miserable in my current situation.
​
I only hope that it's not too late to turn things around for myself. I still have two more years of my undergraduate left to complete, but my GPA is quite low, so I don't really know if my chances of pursuing further education are now gone. I'd appreciate any advice from you guys, and any suggestion of steps that I can take, either for the short term or the long term. Anything would help at this point, as I'm pretty much at rock bottom. Thanks.
​
TL;DR: Enrolled into university three years ago, hit with mental illness and had very little ambition. Feel like I'm at rock bottom, and now I want to turn my life around. Any and all advice is appreciated. Thanks.
| 2 |
I'm planning to continue my nurse assistant studies
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Hey! So I'm sick of being tired about having nothing to do, always the same fucking thing over and over again. So why not do something fun and interesting that would make others feel better. I've gotten into studying for nurse assistance and it's something that I would continue doing for a while.
| 1 |
I think I'm hated at work
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I work for a really wonderful company. With a clear-cut road to a promising future. However, I did something really terrible which for the purposes of this company, I will not discuss. All was forgiven and eventually swept under the rug.
But I noticed that over time, everyone has turned a bit hostile. Messages are a bit shorter. Kinda like moving from a friendship to a work-place relationship.
Is there anything i can do to reestablish that relationship
| 1 |
Anxiety/Depression Coach (first session free!)
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Hi, I’m Robins Egg Life Coach, I’m here to help people with anxiety and depression make positive lifestyle and mental changes! Link in bio; Dm me with any questions
| 0 |
I'm a possessive friend - how do I stop that?
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So due to past bullying and manipulation I have turned really possessive towards my best friend (since I had this mindset that as long as she loves me I am worthy of living). Last year we got a new classmate and he sat next to us and they started to have more conversations. The thing is I got really jealous and scared she might end up liking him more than me. I asked some days ago if I should tell him that I don't like him and would like it if he would stop talking to me. Since I stated my reasons as to why I dislike him I got called narcissistic and rude, which I quite honestly can see now. I don't want to rule over with whom she can be friends, I would prefer it and wish he'd stop being near us but I know that demanding that of him and my best friend (no matter how many scenarios I played in my head) is insane. I want to stop being a possessive friend, so how do I stop? I am already planning to apologize to my classmate for being rude.
| 7 |
How to be more fun and easy going as a man?
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I want to be more fun without looking stupid or immature. Being fun is low stress and good for relationships. I often give off a serious impression and people misunderstand me. However I am interested to make an easy fun first impression.
| 4 |
I would love some advice:
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Hi Deciding To Be Better,
I hope this is ok to post. Fellow self improvement nerd here.
I'm writing as I have a podcast where I interview top performers from the film and TV business about their career, life lessons, how they dealt with failure etc.
Initially, it was aimed at just people wanting to get into film/TV but I have realised the lessons actually could have a wider audience like more self improvement podcasts e.g. Tim Ferriss / Impact Theory / School of Greatness etc. This would be great as it is something I have a serious interest in!
I would love to know why people like yourselves might listen to a podcast like that?
I want to reqrite the tagline but I'm not sure of the angle. For example, at the moment the description on Apple is 'Life stories and lessons for filmmakers and fans' but I don't think that is right to attract self improvement based thinkers!
Thank you so much!
| 1 |
To ALL Millennials
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Hey ladies, what factors or obstacles do you feel are holding you back from pursuing your purpose or passion?
| 0 |
How to stop catastrophizing?
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No matter what the circumstances are, my mind immediately assumes the worst thing possible is inevitable and my thoughts stick to horrible outcomes like a fly trap.
Girlfriend seems a bit standoffish today? She's probably cheating on me with a bunch of people and wants to break up.
Friend is making fun of me? Well fuck that friendship it was always toxic and always will be.
My hopes and dreams will never amount to anything. In fact they'll lead to my downfall at every turn and I'm an idiot for having ambitions in the first place.
Obviously when I think about these scenarios they sound ridiculous. But that doesn't matter. I still feel them, so they're still painful.
I'm 24 now and I'm finally realizing the absolute demon I have on my back and I want to get rid of it. It's killing me and my potential.
​
| 25 |
self care feels awful?
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I (21F) have gone through a pretty bad mental health year or 2. Lately I’ve tried to take care of myself more (meditation, not ruminating/trying to stop compulsions, eating better, exercise, etc.) but for some reason it feels really anxiety inducing and I feel really sad/depressed when I do. Is this a normal feeling to this type of change?
| 31 |
Today, will be the start of the rest of my life (20m)
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I have started a blog post on Medium. I do not know where it will go, but I hope good will come soon. I am scared as much as I am terrified, but this will be the thing that will make my life purposeful.
For some time, I wallowed in my misery. I was posting things on subreddits and using escapism to escape existential dread. **But now it is time to let go of my past and embrace what I am good at.**
I enjoy writing**. I LOVE WRITING.** It has allowed me to grow the most in my life. I made excuses to push things aside for a while—self-limiting beliefs and excuses for myself.
**Procrastination is the death of progress.**
Just constantly fucking up made me more obsessive, enraged, and prideful. And for a while, I was not a good person. **I looked into my mirror and saw a pitiful man without purpose.**
Depression and addiction soon kicked in, and a rabbit hole of vices was what was heading for me: alcohol, porn, junk food, and meaningless sex. **I knew if I continued, I would be nothing more than a statistic for a son of a single mother.**
***Things had to change.***
I took a break from university and went back to the three things that were most important to me:
**Family**
**Sobriety**
**God**
But now, I have found that fire, and by God's will, I will keep that ember burning inside of me.
**I hope to help you find your fire too. It will be a long path, but I am glad everyone here can hold each other accountable. We will light a bonfire for the whole world to see.**
# I know you can do this.
| 1 |
sibling favoritism
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I (21F) am not the favorite of my family, it’s my younger sibling. I already plan to go NC in the future, but sometimes it angers me how she’s the favorite-any tips for handling this anger?
| 3 |
Your self-taks says a lot!!
|
I have been pondering over affirmations and their power to break the sticky compulsive cycles. Lately, my focus has turned towards monitoring my self-talk---the home of affirmations where they are created, safely kept and repeated from time to time to make them effective in the outer world. But when I monitored my self-talk, to gauge its health, I realised I have been seriously irresponsible with absolutely no attention towards it. It is doing what it wants haphazardly I just have no control over the conversation between the two of us. I was shocked at my ignorance. While I am so particular about things outside of me, the inside of me is so chaotic and is going completely unattended. No wonder then, a small tragedy or a heart-break takes years to heal. In the meantime, I came across this quote which is so aplty fits my situation
"Once in a way, something may go wrong in your life. But if your mind and your energies are focused on beating yourself up, it will become a series of disasters."
Are you monitoring your self-talk?
| 18 |
How to get out of depression ?
|
Hello everybody, I don't know if this is the right community to write this post on but I guess you would redirect me to another one if that's the case.
I am pretty sure that I have depression for quite a while now to the point that I don't remember the last time that I was really happy or enjoying doing someting I like. For context I am an 19 M , I am gay and live in a conservative, religious , homophobic country. I am not out and don't count to be anytime soon since my family is clearly homophobic. All of this is one of the main reasons that I have depression alongside with other issues , like insecurities, lack of confidence, body image issues, comparing myself with other people my age etc... The state that I am in now is miserable, I am always tired and don't feel like doing anything all day, I've been trying to get off this rabbithole of depression several times these last years but I always seem to fall back into it, tried to go to the gym, having a selfcare routine, going out more, but I always feel so miserable doing it , so i eventually stop and get back to my old habits . I have no friends, no hobbies, no good looks, and even my family who loves me now may disown me if they know the truth.
One thing i know now, is that I don't want to live like this anymore, and for me to change , do i need to see a psychiatrist that can prescribe me some antidepressants ? And if I do how can I be completely honest about who I am if even the doctor can be an homophobic ? What is the help that I can get or the things that i should do ?
I am sorry for this long pathetic text but thank you anyways for reading it.
Every advice would really help me.
| 4 |
Challenging myself to do things alone
|
Growing up when I wanted to go somewhere, it was always “wait for your father to come home”, “let’s see if your father wants to go anywhere today”. Father would come home, not want to do anything. My mom was independent in some senses of the word, but never actually did what she wanted to do.
I’ve noticed that pattern for myself too. Being a full figured woman has stopped me in the past from going out alone. I have had unwanted attention and the threat of harm can be scary. But at the end of the day, I’m here, those people didn’t hurt me. And i’m not going to let an idea hurt me either. This life is an experience and i’m not about to wait for anyone to go with me. I have decided to take myself on dates. If I want to go somewhere, i’m going. I don’t care if i’m mini golfing alone, i’ll walk the zoo/beach by myself, i’ll go to the damn movies. It seems silly but this is a big victory for me. I’m taking myself out this weekend and i’m going to challenge myself to do everything I want to do alone. I literally need to make MYSELF happy again.
A few days ago I took myself to dinner and dessert. I was anxious, but I went in there and did the damn thing. I’m proud of myself and my progress.
| 12 |
shame about late graduation
|
I (21F) failed a college semester and subsequently took a year off, so I will almost be 24 when I graduate. I’ve been trying for a month seeking advice and trying to work through the shame of this, but I can’t seem to shake it and I feel humiliated with myself. What else can I do? Should I just stop focusing on it so much?
| 27 |
How can I get AI to decide for me?
|
I'm tired of deciding to be better. I want AI to be deciding to be better. I've tried some AI tools like GPT, but they keep forgetting my preferences and context, making me repeat myself over and over.
I'm looking for a tech solution that can remember my context and preferences, and make decisions for me. Do you know any AI tools or methods that can do that?
| 0 |
How to make better plans.
|
I have struggled in planning my near future goals. How do I stick to a plan and be flexible at the same time when planning does not work as intended. I could be fixated on a goal and not know when to switch gears. I often get overwhelmed so I catastrophize and procrastinate afterwards.
| 2 |
After four years of near daily cocaine and alochol abuse, here's three things I would tell myself at the start of my addiction
|
**1.** To successfuly recover you NEED to approach someone you care about, even if you have to initially lie or minimalise the actual extent of your abuse. Your addiction is an issue that you can keep hidden relatively easily (especially while you're using), and as a result you can delude yourself into thinking you can also keep your recovery to yourself. Without external influence from your social circle you amost definitely won't recover.
At first I recommend telling a best friend/partner over a parent or sibling, you'll likely find it easier to fully open up to someone who wasn't around while you were growing up.
**2.** Whenever you drink alone you're likely to order a gram. Be honest with yourself how triggering that environment is for you and make acommodations. Don't just instantly try to cut booze out of your life entirely - it's a key part of the coping mechanisms you've grown used to over the years and going cold turkey will make you require that coping mechanism once more. Cut back a little, and if you drink try drinking with other people rather than on your own.
**3.** Immediately after quitting all you're going to be able to think about is using again, so you need to distract your brain with busywork. Pick whatever thing is easiest, most accessible, and most fun for you as your go-to the moment an urge pops up. Eventually you can transition this behaviour into very positive habits like regular daily exercise, cooking healthy meals, and a pre-bed ritual that never changes (e.g. 9:pm shower, 9:30pm make a cup of herbal tea, and look at memes in bed until 10:00pm on the dot). Set timers for this stuff to keep you honest and eventually your mindset will catch up with the behaviours you're enacting.
That's all for now. I hope this helps someone. I had to learn it all the hard way and I genuinely hope not a single person else has to go through what I did on their own.
| 123 |
I had been having an anger tantrum over a small inconvenience for 5 hours. How can I stop being so irritated and angry all the time?
|
I know intellectually that the things I get pissed off about are just smaller inconveniences which have straightforward solutions (like let's say I miss the bus and have to take the next one, or a misunderstanding with some people, or I want to buy things for lunch but they're not in the supermarket). But nevertheless I still get so upset like a small child.
I feel as if a volcano is erupting inside of me, and I can't help but to flip out. In one way or another, this rage has to get out of me. If I'm not shouting and cursing, I must punch a pillow, or change my tone to a "sarcastic one" when I have to suppress my anger in public. Or I get very shaky, and get a "tremor" (like twitching my arms). I also hyperventilate a lot.
But today I got so angry, that I couldn't calm me down for like 5 hours straight. After 5 hours, I'm calm again, but I feel physically and mentally just so exhausted from my anger tantrum.
Bear in mind that I'm 25M, so it's not a "edgy teenager thing". I legitimately have a problem with this. I literally don't know what I should do.
| 249 |
If i can do it , we can all do it!
|
After many times and attempts to try and becoming the best version of myself in just a couple of days then giving up, I decided to do it.
My story is that I've been dealing with a lot of depression, porn addiction and sad moments every now and then and I realized that I didn't accomplish anything in all my years of living.
I was still a short introvert, with bad grades, full of pimples, and not proud I my skin but I didn't want to give up.
I started to look at myself more and take care of myself, instead of always opening my phone and watching Tik Tok, I have a routine without a phone.
Also, I went outside to buy books to read for 30 minutes to 1 hour and join a sport to get myself occupy.
On top of that, I wanted to do a project about creating a webtoon and drawing more than the past 3 years instead of doodling.
All I want to say to people are to keep not give up and be better than you were from yesterday.
Believe in yourself, my brother and sister, life is not short until you make it shorter
| 40 |
need help getting over my boyfriend’s ex
|
hi guys. im facing issues in getting over my boyfriend’s ex. they too had a serious relationship. can you please help? im tired of feeling like a hand me down. i haven’t spoken to him about this yet. i want to overcome it myself. please, please help.
| 5 |
Small step toward being better…
|
… is leaving negative subs. The most insidious ones are the “supportive” subs that are really just complaint departments.
| 2 |
Please tell me i did good
|
I don’t want to be the person to say I’m lonely when I’m not. Because yeah, I got hugs when I cried, but when I wasn’t crying, when I could manage on my own, the support faded away very quickly.
I’m afraid I can’t keep picking myself up right now, sometimes I need a push too.
I am in such desperate need to be seen, I want someone to ask me how I’m doing or how my day’s been. I want someone to know I worked hard, that I spent months to get to this point, I want someone to be proud of me.
I am still trying, im not finished yet, I have a long way to go. I am trying so hard to just stay alive, to get out of bed and I don’t have anyone else but myself telling me it’s worth it. I want to finish this path, I want to heal, better myself, live without pain and all I need to hear is that I did good.
| 23 |
managing finances
|
I (21F) have difficulty managing my finances. I currently live at home but I don’t have any money saved up. In the past couple months I just spent a lot of my money on books to escape my reality and I’m trying to get better at that but I feel ashamed that at 21 I’m spending my money like a child. I don’t make much (rn maybe $120 every 2 weeks) so I’m going to quit and find other income but I want to get better at managing my money. How can people afford to buy things? It seems like money is always tight for me and I don’t want to use my parents money much. Any advice on how to be more financially responsible so I can become independent?
| 7 |
ashamed of being dependent
|
I (21F) am not very independent. Not by choice, but I’ve had pretty bad mental health issues for a while (OCD) and I get so paralyzed by my anxiety that I don’t take steps to change things bc I’m overwhelmed by the emotions of how awful things are going. On top of this, I have to do uni at home this semester for several reasons, and now I feel even more stuck and childish. This isn’t how I wanted to be at 21 at all, and by the time I leave in January hopefully I’ll be 22, and I feel that time is passing me by. How can I stop feeling ashamed of this or is this normal?
| 3 |
I was a horrible partner to my ex
|
I met her earlier last year, my second semester of sophomore year. It was love at first sight. Everything about her infatuated me and i fell for her hard. She lit up my world like nobody else had.
Along the way i started to get nasty. I would lie to her and treat her like shit. I even talked shit about her behind her back to my friends. I violated her trust multiple times. And she took me back, hoping i would change. But i never truly did.
I never want to be like this ever again. I never want to treat somebody i love like this again. Im starting to realize that its really, officially over. I realized that shes going to start talking to new guys and move on with her life.
I'll always love her, and im still deeply in love with her. And it hurts, its hurts deeper than anything I ever felt before. And i know i have to change, for her and for myself.
Im gonna really try to make it up to her. I want her to know how sorry i really am, how much i regret my actions, how she did nothing wrong, and how she deserves better. We're still on speaking terms, and i think im going out with her on a day trip soon.
Does anybody have any tips on how i could do better? I really want to change the way i act. Im a huge narcissist and asshole and i don't want to be like this anymore.
| 7 |
Life while grieving
|
Hi, I’m 20F and I had just lost my dad this year in January. When I tell you grief really kicked my ass to the moon and back, it really really did. I had never felt this empty and helpless in my whole (short) life. My dad was my rock and my number one support, he had the biggest heart for everyone and I mean everyone. He was the type of guy to always give a dollar to any homeless man he passed. He is also the most hardworking person I know. I didn’t really see it then but now I really try to do everything in honor of my dad.
Months after he passed I made it a point to go to therapy and try to surround myself with people that bring positivity. Of course some days are harder than other. I’ve been going to the gym and eating right, I’ve been working, and school will start soon. If there was one thing my dad taught me it’s that to not rush. I tried to rush grieving but it only made it worse. Now I take it day by day.
To anyone who’s dealing with grief, it does get better.
| 31 |
10 lessons that 2 years of daily chronic pain taught me
|
**1. Patience is a Virtue:** Healing is a slow, gradual process, much like the journey towards personal growth. Patience with oneself and others becomes a daily practice.
**2. Empathy Deepens:** Living with chronic pain deepens empathy for others, as it sheds light on struggles that are often invisible.
**3. Strength Beyond Measure:** It’s surprising what you can withstand when you have no other choice. I learned my strength is far greater than I ever imagined.
**4. Mindfulness Matters:** Mindfulness techniques have been a saving grace for me, guiding me to live in the present moment rather than dwelling on pain.
**5. Connection is Key:** The connections we make can become lifelines. We're all in this together, and each story shared offers a new perspective.
**6. Acceptance is Crucial:** Accepting my chronic pain didn't mean giving up, it meant understanding my situation and working towards better days.
**7. Self-Care is Non-Negotiable:** Rest, hydration, proper nutrition, and mental health checks are non-negotiable. Your body and mind demand attention and care.
**8. Life isn’t Fair, but it's Still Good:** Despite the trials I faced, I've learned that life has its silver linings. Moments of joy can be found even on the hardest days.
**9. Vulnerability is Courageous:** Sharing my struggles hasn’t been easy, but in vulnerability, I found a deep sense of courage and a way to reach others who might be suffering in silence.
**10. There's Always Hope:** Even in the darkest times, there's always a sliver of light at the end of the tunnel.
These lessons have become integral to my journey towards healing and self-understanding. To those of you dealing with similar experiences, know that you are not alone. It is through our collective experience that we can find strength and hope.
Keep fighting, keep growing, and remember, we're in this together.
With warmth,
Wesley
| 98 |
How can I improve my outlook on life after a disappointing past?
|
I have a good life but it wasn’t always like this. I won’t get into the details but my life used to be empty… but now that everything is going well for me, I can’t enjoy it. I keep reliving my past years. I’m scared to get comfortable and happy if that makes sense…
Even if I’ve had the perfect day, I get sad. I let those thoughts consume me and as a result I
waste my good days moping around. I’ve gained weight and health problems from self-neglect because I continually convince myself this good is not lasting for me and I shouldn’t get attached..therefore I shouldn’t bother improving myself… etc. etc.
Yes I’m on SSRI’s and they help my anxiety a lot but also make me dull…
| 3 |
How to follow through?
|
I feel like I have everything pretty much figured out, I cured my social anxiety ( I went from being very quiet and timid to the person that befriends everyone at a party) and I’m still working on my depression but we’re getting there. It’s just my own academic life is struggling. I have adhd so I know I need different ways to apply myself but I try to so hard to do diff routines, pomodoro, post it notes, calander, watches, I’m on medication, like I’ve done everything and I just can’t follow through? I mean I use to be a star honors student but now that I can’t brute force my way through school with just my IQ (twice exception adhd) I just don’t know how to follow through and be a responsible person academically? I feel like I’m always playing catch-up.
| 4 |
I finally forgave my abusive older brother
|
Hello guys just wanted to share this burden that was weighing on me for so many years. My oldest brother was so abusive towards me and my brothers along with my mom. He was 8 years older than me so there was a sizable age gap and boy did he take advantage of that. He used to find any excuse to beat me up. My other older brothers would also rough me up but only when I deserved it. With him however it was different he found enjoyment in beating me.
Fast forward to middle school I’m now aware he’s not well in the head. I had my first growth spurt but all those years of abusing me still fucked with my head. Also he was a grown adult while I was a kid. Like the coward that he is this is when he started to use weapons against me and abuse my little siblings. This would go on until my high school years. My mom would kick him out so many times only for him to return he was a alcoholic, loser that was going nowhere in life.
The day that almost changed the course of my life forever. I came back from my girlfriend house I was senior at this point. I pull to my house and see the window is broken. I rush in and see my mom crying with a black eye. I turn down the corner and there he was at this point I’m much bigger and stronger than he was. I was seeing red and rushed him and tackled him into the ground. I grabbed my baseball bat and give him a few good hits. I was going to keep hitting him but a voice in my head said “it’s not worth it” He was knocked out and I just sat against the wall crying. I finally got up and called the cops.
He got arrested and eventually moved to a different state to get a fresh start in life. Which predictably failed. He’s a alcoholic loser that’s been arrested over 30+ times. I didn’t care about him or his wellbeing. Why would I he never cared about me, my mom or my siblings. Eventually moved on and started a family of my own. All my siblings went to my wedding, the birth of my two sons but him. About two months ago I was told he got in a bad car wreck and was in a coma.
Initially I was like this was karma for being a shit human being. However something started to bother me I tried to ignore it but I wasn’t focusing or sleeping well. My wife noticed it and basically read my mind I needed to talk to him before I never get the chance. A few weeks goes by and my and my wife finally visit him. The doctors told me he was never going to walk again and will have problems speaking. I spoke to him briefly and told him I forgive him. Even though he couldn’t talk his eyes began to water.
He’s still never going to be in my life in the future or see my kids grow up. It felt good to get that burden off my chest for all the pain he caused me and my family. Thank you if you read all of this as it was a journey.
| 128 |
Losing weight because I’m over it, partner with me
|
I’m looking for likeminded individuals who’d want to use HabitShare and/or share Apple Watches for accountability.
31/F looking to drop some significant weight but needing a crew to stay on track. Looking to start as soon as July 10 😎
I’m thinking 75 Hard format with some slight differences
- 30 min morning workout
- 30 min afternoon/evening workout
- follow a healthy meal plan
- 80+ oz water a day
- 1 weekly progress picture
- weekly weigh in
| 6 |
How do you fix issues that you've had since middle school?
|
I'm a person who appears to be charismatic and functional overall but my day to day life is filled with a plethora of issues. I'm terrible at organization, and being responsible. I constantly lose my keys, keycards, checks from my job, I leave my clothing in communal washers and it molds. My living space is always insanely messy I only manage to pay my credit card on time because I automated the payments. I forget about important meetings and deadlines constantly. I'm also not consistent, I have days at work and school where I show up, excel I'm the best in the room and then other days where I just don't get out of bed and don't show up at all and then I'm too ashamed to go because I haven't shown up in days and then it becomes weeks and then I just dissapear and get a new job without notifying anyone. If I do show up to things I'm often late and I struggle with meeting deadlines and completeingwork on time. I'm often told that I have no sense of urgency. I don't want to be like this, Overall I have a lot of accomplishments and skills. But people who are close to me or work with me see me constantly dissapoint everyone around me. The only reason why I've managed to survive is because my good days are so excelent that I can catch up with my more numerous bad days. I'm not bipolar nor do I have adhd which people tend to think, I'm just not ready for life. I need to fix this before I blow up every oppertunity I'm given. I do have OCD, severe anxiety, and depression but I'm medicated. I've had these same issues since elementary school but I lived with a single working parent who was very busy for most of my life so I was able to fly under the radar. I recently looked at my middle school reports and I saw the exact same issues that I struggle with now mentioned there. I need help. I was recently denied therapy by my insurance because I'm not in crisis. I'm functional on the outside but as you can see I'm not ready for a real job or any real long term responsibility. I need to fix this now. Please Please help me.
I feel like this anecdote explains my life. I recently took a class online where if you didn't attend 5 classes your grade would drop by a letter. I didn't attend any classes at all and only read the lecture notes. I managed to get the top test score for every exam despite this except when I missed one exam because I got the time wrong. I got a B+ in the class. So overall it looks like I'm a pretty decent student but if you actually see the process I'm a wreck. This is how I've been able to fly under the radar my entire life.
| 3 |
How can i let go of the past and life in the pressent
|
I often find myself being stuck in the past,. I constantly think about the old times and kind of hold onto it and don't accept the presents.
I often find myself doing the same things over again, i keep talking about the old times, ate nostalgic and desperatly clinge onto old friends and or relationships
| 13 |
Relax for the same result
|
What is the difference between a bike ride of 45 minutes, and a bike ride of 43 minutes?
Nope, it’s not just two minutes. Turns out that it’s much more than that.
Derek Sivers tells the story of how he took bike rides along a beautiful coastal route of 24 km in California. Every time, he would give it his all–100% of his effort–and he would finish his bike ride, completely exhausted, in 43 minutes. After doing this dozens of times, he got sick of it.
So next time, he decided to take it easy.
He biked the whole route with **50% of his effort**, enjoying the scenery and the wildlife. There was no hurrying. No straining. Just biking and chill. When he finished the route and looked at his watch, he couldn’t believe what he saw.
**45 minutes.**
This is how most of us go through our work. Always in a hurry, always straining to get things done. All of that, for a negligible amount of time.
This story reminded me of how I used to drive to my work like a maniac to get there 5 minutes earlier. It reminded me of those times where I would stress out because I had to stay longer, so I would try to get it done faster, getting even more stressed in the process. It reminded me of quickly finishing a patient's history to “save time”. I would then walk to my computer in a rush, probably saving a few seconds on the walk back.
It reminded me of all the days that I spent in a hurry, when I could have relaxed for the same result.
The difference wasn’t just two minutes. It was much more than that.
*Thanks for reading. Written by* ***Vito's Archive***
EDIT: Mixed up the 43 with the 45 minutes. I corrected it.
| 36 |
Used to be an awful person. I have changed but still feel guilt.
|
When I was 15-16, I used to be a horrible person. Typical “edgy kid” who was around in the 2016-2018 youtube days. I was full of toxicity and I pretty much used to just make fun of everyone at school. I was (somehow) fairly popular though, because some of the nasty stuff I used to stay entertained the other 15-16 year olds.
However, I mainly feel guilty for how I treated my ex. She was 18 months older than me at the time. We would argue all day and everyday. In person it wasn’t so bad, but on message I’d be awful. I used to be very manipulative and I gaslit her a lot. I was just an awful person. The worst to be with.
Since then, Id like to think I have grown. I now have many female friends telling me about manipulative behaviour that their boyfriends have exhibited in the past and it makes me sick to know that I was that guy. I lost many friends due to how I treated this girl, but I don’t particularly care about them.
I’d love there to be a way for me to just say sorry. I wouldn’t expect a reply. I wouldn’t expect her to accept my apology. I just want her to know that I finally see it. I emotionally abused her and I’m so fucking sorry. I have no interest in ever being with her again, and I know she feels the same. I know I shouldn’t apologise though, as it can bring up trauma.
I am 20 now, and I haven’t seen/spoke to her in over 4 years.
| 4 |
the right thing to do
|
I (21F) lied to my parents at one point about a year ago. Should I tell the truth? I’m so ashamed that I’m worried it might be more hurtful to tell them?
| 2 |
i could really use some advice
|
i’m 20f, i just feel so lost and numb. i am going back to school this fall semester after failing classes and taking a year off to try and manage my depression better. i’ve seen little improvements, but i’m still very depressed. there’s times in my life when i’ve left lonely, but now i am truly alone. i have no friends, and i know everyone says that, but i really don’t have any. not even one. and my parents are not supportive whatsoever. i am completely alone now. and i have no idea how i’m going to be able to go back to school and succeed when i don’t really have much to live for. if anyone has advice or tips about how to get through it all, i’d be very appreciative. thanks :)
| 1 |
Is arrogance a good coping mechanism?
|
So my whole life i had a bad issues with self esteem and confidence. From bullying to being fat to being extremly anxious person. But with time i started gaining confidence, but lately ( especialy in the last year since i started my self improvement journey) i noticed that im becoming more and more arrogant. I noticed i speak a lot about myself, always put others down in my head, cant take any criticism because to me i am the best. I quess that way im trying to cover my whole life of misery, and the biggest problem is… it acctualy feels good. Instead of always thinking badly about myself, thinking so high feels like a breath of fresh air. Covering my insecurites with a veil of confidence( sometimes fake) feels much better than being afraid to talk to people or go hang out etc. Now how much of a problem do you guys think this is and how much should i change?
| 5 |
Decidind to be focused
|
Well, I've decided I'm going to study even if work insiste on taking up all my time. I love computing and at my 28 I don't want to waste ano more time.
Yesterday I've started a course that I bought months ago. Now I want to advance, in the name of my personal growth. Hope to get out of tech support soon and became a software developer.
Even if sometimes it seems like I haven't made any progress. I will not give up this time!
Today was hard, but functions in Javascript aren't that hard haha.
If you have any recomendations it will help me.
I will keep going on!
| 2 |
Day 21 | Month 2 | Year 0
|
All work done so that’s good
Improvement: Well rested, work done
Goals: Learn Japanese, meditate
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :|
Post written at 11:30pm
| 5 |
guilty feelings?
|
I (21F) failed my Spring 2022 term. My advisor told me I could possibly get reimbursed tuition but I got so in my head mentally that I ended up applying too late so nothing was reimbursed. I feel awful for this and I plan to pay my parents back for it including the housing costs once I graduate but I still feel so awful about it. How can I fix this and turn this guilt into action so I can stop being so frozen by my guilt/anxiety, which caused the paralysis in the first place?
| 2 |
How can I do better?
|
I'm 35, have 2 children that live with their grandmother and I live with my boyfriend. I work 8-4:30 Monday-Friday and spend most weekends staying with my children. That's all I do. Work, visit kids, eat (barely) and sleep. After I get home from work, I lay in bed and scroll through my phone. When I am with my kids, I will go outside and play and do whatever they want to do, but when I'm home, I dont do anything. My boyfriend doesn't want me cooking or cleaning because my job is so physically demanding. Although I do want to help him in the house, even if he would let me, I just don't have the energy. I have a pile of clothes that I've needed to go thru and put away for months now, I just don't have the energy or motivation to do it. I feel so lazy and unproductive. I keep telling myself I am going to change and start doing more, but it never happens. What can I do, what should I be doing and how do I go about it?
| 1 |
I (F19) hurt my (M20) ex who I still love and apologized, was this right?
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My ex and I were in a serious relationship for 4.5 years. We had plans for our future together, but it was our first relationship. I was extremely weak, immature, insecure, and ultimately toxic to him. We loved eachother so much, but I was blind in my own issues and failed to realize how much I was negatively affecting him. He left me 3 months ago and it was very hard for him, but I know now it was the best thing for the both of us at the time, even though we still loved eachother. I have been in behavioral therapy since then, as I hated the person I became and didn’t want to live the way I was living anymore. I have been able to process and heal my previous trauma, worked on self love and acceptance, as well as unlearning old toxic behaviors and learning new, healthy behavior patterns instead. After these 3 months of NC, I sent a handwritten apology letter to him (he’ll be most likely receiving it in the next 3 days) as I feel I am in a better place, value our relationship, and want to do what it takes to revive our connection and give him what he wants. I understand I have most likely jeopardized this with my hurtful actions, but was this the right thing to do? I’m extremely anxious about this and the guilt is still eating me up. I love him dearly, but I definitely feel like I failed as a partner.
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going to the gym for the first time. too scared to get out of my car.
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i just got a gym membership in the city i koved to recently. i have severe social anxiety that ive been overcoming, and completely forgot how much anxiety going to the gym brings me before buying the membership (got it online.) im currently sitting in my car trying to muster up the courage to go inside, cause im scared to be spoken to and stuff. i have the gym’s app all set up and have my barcode and i think all things all good to go, but im just so anxious and scared to go inside. id love some support and motivation!!
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Should I tell my new therapist that I smoke weed?
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So I'm starting therapy for the fourth time, this time with the intent of dealing with all of my childhood and young adult trauma. I'm doing the intake questionnaire for online therapy, but one of the questions is about the use of recreational substances. I'm not in a legal state but I self-medicate for chronic pain as well as to stop nightmares/calm anxiety, so should I disclose that in the questionnaire, in session, or not at all? It's a very relevant trauma coping tool, but I'm not sure if transparency is best here.
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