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What is the best way to stop being the “nice guy” and being needy?
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TL; DR
During the Corona period, I lost my solid circle of friends, as many friends moved to other cities during the two years and the relationship with many of the people I actually considered close friends was not as close as I thought.
In addition, I have developed a kind of social anxiety through Corona and am not in a sports club, theatre group, nor do I currently volunteer or go out partying or to bars.
One of the reasons for this is that I am currently looking for a Master's degree in another city and applying for it, so overall I won't be living in my current place of residence and study for very long.
I've had just under 3 dates in the last three months and it often went really well, the conversations were great, and with one person I also felt more, but it wasn't mutual.
But I also know by now that I have to approach dating/relationships again very slowly, because I don't really have a social environment, except for one or two single friends and my little sister, and I don't really live the life that I imagine and therefore don't really have anything to offer.
During the dating process, I also noticed characteristics in me (especially expectations of women) that are clearly typical "nice guy behaviour" and now, after almost three years without a relationship, I really feel so needy and incredibly long for physical closeness.
What do you think I can do about this?
| 5 |
I’m 18, I want to die but I have my first term exams next
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I feel so hopeless. All I do is go through the same thing everyday. I can’t study because I often get distracted by stuff, I can barely concentrate to learn one question byheart. I’m overweight (153cms and 68kgs). I recently joined a gym but because of school, I have been unable to go frequently. I used to be good at at school, there was a point in time where I loved school and I used to be one of the top students. Now, with my depression, it’s hard for me to even know why I should study. I failed in class 11 and got promoted on condition. I’ve failed and failed and my first term exams are so near and I’m thinking of quitting school. I know I shouldn’t, I want to become something big, someone big but depression is really holding me down. The only reason I haven’t unalived myself is because of my supportive mother who loves me unconditionally. Today I took a break from school. What now?
| 31 |
I have been wasting my 20s doing the same thing everyday
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ETA : gosh I am so overwhelmed by the kind words/ encouragement. I didn't think the post would get any traction, much less this much. I have decided to make small changes, starting with, replacing my sweet snacks with healthier fruits. And slowly eliminating rewatching mind numbing TV (replace with reading). I will continue for a whole month and report back updates here.
Thanks again for the motivation! Feels good to know so many people cared.
*********
I am 26F. I have a WFH job.
I have realised since starting university I do one thing when I am not working.
I watch re-runs of sitcoms in bed, while snacking.
Consequently I am always a bit overweight (5'3"/160cm and 68kgs/150lbs), have no meaningful relationships/friendships.
(I think this happened because my parents were strict and never let me have sweets or watch TV growing up so that's ALL I did after leaving home. And I jave always been introverted)
My day starts with waking up at 8 and I log into work and work for a couple hours (from bed). Then I go to the store and buy something sweet (candies/cakes/cookies) and binge some show I have watched millions of times until it is late afternoon and I work for a couple more hours again. Log off at 5pm and do the same thing until its 11 and time to sleep.
I am efficient at my job (coding) so I can work less and still be fine. Also I barely spend any money and hence don't have ambition to earn more. But I want to change that.
But I feel like my life will pass me by. I also am having some symptoms of diabetes/hbp (from google) but I am too scared to go to the doctor.
I really really wanna change. But it feels SO hard.
I want to get out of my comfort zone. May be make some friends and have a fulfilling relationship. I want to look pretty and fit into sexy clothes. I want to travel to nice places and buy a nice house someday.
Really looking for some advice to change.
Thank you for reading.
| 375 |
Going to not rely on anyone else to feel better
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I’ve had a problem with co dependency in the past and I’ve felt like I wasn’t capable enough to get me feeling happier on my own terms. While I think any form of self improvement requires guidance and support I’m in a position in my life where I feel like I don’t need anyone else to be happier especially a girlfriend. I think in wanting a gf so badly so long I wanted someone who’d love me unconditionally and see the best in me but I don’t need another person for that.
| 2 |
I need to stop drinking
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For context: I’m a 36 stay at home mum, I have adhd and pmdd and am burnt out from parenting. I use escapism as a coping mechanism and I drink alcohol every day to unwind. It’s becoming a problem.
Every day I find a reason to drink a beer. When the weather’s nice we like to go into town and have a beer or two while the kids play on the square, even in the afternoon. When I’m overwhelmed at the end of the day, right before I have to start dinner I’ll have a beer or a glass of wine. When the kids are in bed we sit on the couch and drink 2 to 3 beers while watching our favourite shows.
Last night we even made pornstar martini’s… on a regular Tuesday night while watching youtube videos.
This morning I woke up with a headache and could hardly get out of bed. I’m in the luteal phase of my menstruation cycle which means I feel depressed, anxious and angry a lot because of pmdd. The hangover makes it even worse and I don’t want to deal with my 3 year old.
I’m also gaining weight in the stomach area because I’ve been drinking so much beer lately.
I’ve told myself I’d quit drinking so many times, but I never do. I always find a reason to crack open a beer. I can’t even stop drinking for a week. I feel like I need it.
Today I decided to quit drinking, again. This time I thought I’d post here for some accountability, make it more real, and also for some encouraging words from reddit strangers.
I feel like it’s going to be rough because of all my mental problems and feeling overwhelmed every day, but I really need to try! This is borderline alcoholism and I think it isn’t doing me any good.
I want to be healthy, I want to have more energy, I want to find other coping strategies!
Wish me luck!
| 8 |
I struggle at work a great deal and it's eating me alive...
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I don't think I am intelligent. I am confident that I don't have many natural abilities, so I have to work hard to improve in many, *many* areas. It's killing my self-esteem.
I am a 25 year old woman who works in an advertising/sales role. I have been in this role for a year, about a year after I graduated college. I struggle at work constantly (and in my daily life) in the following buckets: time length in completing tasks, short and long-term memory formation, executive functioning skills (i.e. I misinterpret things often and find it difficult to summarize *anything* without taking hours to pore over it and this is a huge part of my job), creative and design skills (advertising requires some of this), confidence, public speaking, following directions, detail-oriented tasks in general and generally asking the right questions to complete my tasks with gusto.
I'm being a bit hard on myself but I find that any natural ability I possess is heavily covered by a wall of tangled vines and bright green, ever-reproducing moss. As in, it takes me *forever* to do what naturally intelligent, capable, competent people do in half the time. I also have a tough work balance because I spend hours doing tasks that would take others a fraction of the time, plus they would probably do it better somehow.
How do I improve on this overwhelming entanglement of flaws? I am working hard at my job, but there's something I'm missing. Perhaps, I'm being careless or lacking strategy in my self-improvement. I think my manager thinks I am dumb. I made a deck today that took me THE ENTIRE DAY and he had a mouthful of negative feedback...Sigh.
| 6 |
I'm hugely addicted to my phone
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Hello, the title says everything. I'm addicted to my phone and don't know how to stop using it, probably it's not even the phone but the internet, I pass 90% of my time on Twitter and surfing in the internet, that's has take a huge toll on my life because I can't even study for 20 minutes straight that I have to look at my phone. Do you have any advice, book or something that you think can help me? Thanks you all.
| 1 |
Go all out on one purpose, or balance?
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I'm already 27 you guys, and I feel like I haven't really achieved much, it hurts so bad, but I only have myself and my terrible habits to blame.
Right now, I truly want to find success in the financial realm, and I know the sacrifices that must be made. It's going to take so much focus, commitment, and sheer will - things that run out so easily to me.
I feel like I have so much things to improve upon, and one of these is my extremely poor social skills. I crave connection with others, but I feel like time's catching up so fast to me, and I really want to fulfill my goals. It feels like my mind doesn't want me to experience joy until I finish my mission. "You must relinquish all temptations and distractions until you're successful", it says.
But at the end of the day, I'm bored and lonely af.
To anyone who's going through the same thing; or anyone who made it to the other side, what advice can you give me? What path should I take? Should I go all out on extreme focus to my goals in exchange for perhaps a long bout of loneliness and hardship, or balance my improvement goals but I might end up in the same place as I am now or not make much strides at all on my main purpose.
| 2 |
The fresh look of not pairing motivation with achievement.
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Hey, y'all. Just a quick thought (as I'm sitting overseas while the power is out).
Think how many people struggle with motivation and often fall short of their expected work ethic. For years, people flow in and out of this "cycle of death" while their confidence wanes. Instead of following trends of such topics, adjust the relationship (or rather hold) motivation has on you. Instead of assuming motivation precedes achievement, place personal narrative in its stead.
Personal narrative gets its power from attitude - a psyche's readiness to perceive the world.
Cultivation of your advantaged attitude dictates your position along your narrative/personal journey. No more, "I'm not motivated today, so fuck it, I suck," gets replaced with, "how does this lacklustered mood aid my personal adventure?"
Such a viewpoint removes the emotional guilt that works against progress. A main catalyst to procrastination are feelings of shame, guild and internal beat downs when you just weren't disciplined enough to enact upon your goals.
Give yourself every advantage and remember your desire to chase personal adventure always outweighs toxic comparisons of debilitating expectations.
Thoughts? It's not absolute or comprehensive but seems like an original thought.
| 1 |
How to practice being laid back
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Hi guys! So here's a short story. When I am trying to practice being laie back (being relax and calm in every situation) there is always the feeling that it feels like I'm being high asf. I feel drowsy and light headed. I am practicing clearing my head.
Is this normal and if not, can you give some ways how to practice this in correct way?
| 1 |
Cutting off screentime before bedtime - What to do besides read?
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Besides a bath and a calm walk too
Journal and plan review came to mind too
| 36 |
I don't want to be a loser anymore (15M)
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I feel like I've been a punching bag, just a person that people can spit at, I get mad at how happy people are cause I'm not and I know I'm selfish but that's how I felt but not anymore, I want to make something of myself, not a person that people laugh at but someone that genuinly feels accepted, It's going to get worse before it gets better but I'm willing to do anything I can, I'm buying a gym membership and want to look better with skincare and such, any adivce to what to start with?
| 5 |
I want to find a way out of this mental abyss
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So much shit has happened in the last 3 years, something I'm sure many people can say for themselves as well. Because of everything that's happened, I am a barren shell of my former self. The bright, optimistic, and motivated individual from before has since been thrown around, marred, and hollowed out by the world around it.
I uncovered childhood traumas that were repressed, had my heart played with and broken...probably 3 times by the same person by simple virtue of them reaching out to me when I had no intention of talking to them again, who I've finally completely cut ties with now, had my first mental breakdowns in my life as far as I know, lost my father who I've never been good terms with growing up, uprooted my life to "be" with the family that caused me so much mental and emotional anguish growing up because of the news of my father, and have had more thoughts of not wanting to exist in this world anymore than I can recall.
All of these things have beaten the shit out of me and I am so tired. The fact that I haven't offed myself yet is interesting, but also, please don't say something like "there's a reason why you're still here". Because I don't necessarily believe in those kinds of things, at least right now.
All I know is that I'm still here and I'm probably not going to off myself anytime soon. I just want to find a way to get out of this shithole, because I remember my previous self. I was optimistic of the world, had high hopes and dreams, and was working to achieve them. Not to mention, I was sociable and not closed off and self-isolating like I am these days.
I maintain basic hygiene. I've started going to the gym. I'm working a job right now, even though it's only a contract and I have to look for something as soon as this gig ends. I guess the next thing that would really help (I think) would be meeting other people I can spend time with and being able to make connections with others again. Despite working out and having work itself and maybe a potential for new opportunities in terms of career, life is so bleak and depressing. My head is in constant melancholy and I don't seem to be improving.
I'll probably look towards going to therapy again once this gig ends, but is there anything else I can do in the meantime? How do you start to pick yourself up when every single time you start even having the courage or slight energy to do so, you get blind-sided and beat up again, and have had to endure the same deal over and over again, for so long?
| 11 |
I wasted my years in High School, I want to stop worrying about it
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I’m 20yro, it’s been 2 years since I graduated HS and I still beat myself up for having wasted those important years of my life.
I’ve always been skinny, and it has been my major insecurity growing up. During freshman year I joined a gym to finally change that. I was motivated at first but I never followed through. I’ve been going on and off since then and I am still built like a twig, only recently have I taken it more seriously. If I had just put in this effort back then I could have saved myself from years of self judgement.
While everyone in hs was hangin out with friends, going to parties, and meeting new people, all I did was stay home and play video games. Yea I talked to my classmates in school and sometimes I hung out with them after but I never made any real friendships. Now that I’m not in school I dont even have a classmate to talk to. I have no friends and its my faulty for being a social outcast.
And the thing that always gets me the most, my last relationship. During freshman year, I started talking to this girl online. We hit it off and we both decided to try long distance. Things were going well at the beginning but after a year we started to fight and argue. Very badly. I cant describe it any other way but toxic, and for some reason we stayed together, long distance, yelling at each other, for 3 years. I couldve met new people, make new and better relationships, but instead I just stayed in this toxic long distance relationship like an idiot.
COVID came during the beginning of my Junior year, so almost 2 years of HS were basically taken away from me. I feel like my life has been such a waste in the last years. I want to change that.
I want to be able to stay consistent in the gym and grow, I want to have friends and go out, I currently have a great gf who doesnt live hundreds of miles away from me and I want to make the best of it.
| 1 |
Dealing with panic attacks?
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Any tips besides leaving the situation and slowly breathing? I would like to attend to an event but am pretty sure I will have an attack
| 1 |
Starting to realize I need to accept my past and forgive myself I want to move on
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I’m considering going back to college. I originally wanted to start from scratch and go four years again
but now I’m realizing that isn’t practical financially, and I wanted to do that for a toxic reason: trying to forget the fact that I was a subpar student the first time around, who had bad habits, bad mental health, barely passed, and was panicking at the end of every semester. I now realize I’ve been beating myself up over the past, rather than trying to fix anything.
I now realize I need to own what happened if I want to move forward, not dig myself into excess debt trying to pretend it didn’t. I can’t change the past. I was a bad student that made a lot of bad decisions, but luckily still managed to get the degree. It’s in the past now though. I need to forgive myself and move on.
I can’t redo my entire college experience again at 25 years old, I need to transfer whatever credits I can from my first college to save money, but I can move forward and be a better student in the future. Mainly improving my habits before I even think of applying.
| 24 |
Self forgiveness and paranoia
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Can I forgive myself for past mistakes? How can I make all of my paranoia about what I do online and who I’m friends with and etc go away? I am so pessimistic and cynical and rude sometimes and hurt the loved ones in my life
Sorry for bad English I just need some advice
| 2 |
Do you feel judged by others most of the time? You may have a tendency to suffer from the spotlight effect. Don't be discouraged!
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Do you think others judge you?
Do you feel self-conscious in everyday social situations?
Do you avoid meeting new people out of fear or anxiety?
If all the answers are yes, you may be going through what I was going through and suffering from the spotlight effect.
This is a type of social anxiety that makes you believe that others are paying more attention to you.
The spotlight effect is a tendency to believe that we are in everyone's spotlight and that we are being judged all the time.
It is a type of social anxiety that once identified can be worked on through various tools.
Some tips that can help you and that were very practical for me are the following:
Practice mindfulness
When you feel insecure or anxious you can try to focus on the present moment.
Instead of worrying about how others perceive you, take a deep breath and pay attention to what's around you, how the air feels to the feeling that it's not that bad and you don't have to force yourself to prove anything.
Give reasons for your assumptions
You have to understand that your beliefs about how others perceive you may be based on misconceptions that you made yourself.
Ask yourself if it's really true that people are watching and judging you, or if you're just imagining it.
Refresh your thinking
Try to take the focus off of you and your alleged shortcomings. You can concentrate on something else or someone else, observe how they speak, their mannerisms and how their surroundings act.
Train yourself to be aware of those around you and look for opportunities to connect with them in a healthy and constructive way.
Talk about yourself in a positive way
Eliminating negative thoughts is no easy task and thinking more constructively can take some training time.
Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments and be compassionate with yourself, even when you make mistakes.
Seek support if you need it
Discuss it with a trusted friend or talk to a therapist who can help you better understand your feelings and provide emotional support as you cope with the effect of the bulbs.
Always remember that you are not alone and you don't have to go through all of this alone.
| 19 |
23M I would like to be more in harmony with people in general
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As my life has been improving, I’ve been getting really cynical about people. I’ve always been motivated by wanting to be well liked and respected. Recently, I’ve been lacking motivation because it’s meaningless if strangers like you or not. They literally don’t know you. There’s nothing for them to like or not like. You have no significance in their life. They neither like you nor dislike you— you’re just there. I’m struggling with this because it’s definitely true. Validation is a huge reason why I do anything and it’s a false image. I just want to receive a stamp of approval that doesn’t exist.
| 1 |
Trying to understand if I’m a non-traditional narcissist or not
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I think I have some non traditional narcissist tendencies. I’m a deeply insecure person and I struggle with keeping relationships in my life. Outwardly, I usually come off as being more humble and having a low self-esteem, but inside, I’m just desperate for validation and compliments. Yet, whenever I get validation or compliments, I feel super weird about it and uncomfortable, almost like it’s just untrue.
Like I fantasize about people realizing how depressed and insecure I am, yet whenever I have experienced people showing that they care, I feel super uncomfortable opening up or having people care. I don’t know how to put it but I don’t think I’m a good person.
I’m so deeply insecure yet whenever someone might show an ounce of interest in me, I’ll be over the moon. But I shoot down my expectations because I know it will never work out because I feel like such an unlovable piece of crap.
I feel like I lack enough empathy. I think I have some, I do care for people, but sometimes I get envy or jealous whenever someone outwardly has it better than me but complains (the part about them having it better isn’t always true, I know, but my brain is stupid and assumes that they do).
I don’t really know what my issues are but I’m trying to be self-aware. What I do know for sure is that I’m not a likeable person and that I can never keep people in my life, and to that, I blame myself.
I know I’m the issue but I don’t know what being “normal” is. I just want to be normal. I want to be likeable. I want to be a better person.
| 5 |
being angry at myself
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About a year ago a guy came up to me (21F) after work and kept demanding that I wait outside and tell him where exactly I worked after I already said I worked in the building (I worked in a building in downtown so it isn’t safe to wait outside). I said no several times but eventually said where I worked bc he wouldn’t let it go. Every time I think about it I get really angry both at the situation and at myself. How can I just stop feeling angry when it comes up?
| 5 |
How did you grow up past the drinking phase? And a few others as well
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25m here and I live in a one bedroom in Boston and soon found out how overpriced and overrated the city and the rent I pay is for what I get, anyways get to that later.
Basically, I really want to turn my life around and go to the next level but I also know I’m going to have to let some things do before I can build new healthier habits. For example, things I want to work on and have noticed since moving out (I moved out of my parents house for a bodybuilder type gym) 1: I don’t like going out and getting drunk 2: I want to get my dream body and take my diet and training to the next level 3: I want a house, wife and ideally a kid around 30 4: improve my financial stability.
It’s very easy for me to get “tempted” by my friends to go out and drink and have a good time but I don’t truly like it when I look at it as a whole. We are more on the rowdy side but not frat boys and we definitely like to have fun but I feel like 25 is getting to that age. Also paying 1800 in rent and going out and paying for my men’s coach/personal trainer does not work and I think financially at least it makes more sense for me to move more south and save some money and eventually by a house.
I guess my question is, has anyone else been in this situation, to “run” from your family and your best friends in the chance that their might be something better on the other side? Has anyone been successful building new friends in a whole new state? How did you personally meet women? Was moving to a different state the best thing you’ve ever done? From a moving perspective, I feel like I still miss home but I know I will not drown myself in a mortgage or buy some small home in Mass when there is way more opportunity that’s cheaper in the US.
From a going out perspective, sometimes it feels like I’m still in college but I can’t help but imagine a boring life with no chance to meet women if I’m not at the club. Yes I’m on dating apps but I really prefer to meet women in person.
So I guess the real question is, how did you cope with potentially changing your life for the better?
| 6 |
My old friend still hates me. How can I move on and forgive myself knowing this?
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I’m aware of my mistakes that happened years ago. I just was told she’s still publicly talking about it/me despite us having zero contact. I’ve apologized and I’m not reaching out again, it’s not worth it, this is a forgiveness journey for my old self. Would love your thoughts on the matter.
| 5 |
The Jonah Hill situation makes me sad.
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For those who don’t know, texts have surfaced from Jonah Hill’s ex about him trying to control her posting certain types of pictures, what she wears and who she hangs out with.
It makes me sad because it reminds me (m23) of words I have said and thought processes I have possessed in my relationships. I never wanted to be harmful or controling. But as men we can be so encouraged to project our insecurities and issues onto the women in our life. It’s not right and it should be talked about.
It makes me sad that this behaviour is so commonplace that its become a trending discourse. It makes me sad I used to be part of it. It makes me sad that I don’t know how to make it right.
I want to do better. I want to see the impacts of toxic masculinity in my life and deal with them in healthy ways. I hope we all get there.
edit: to everyone who got upset about me for talking about toxic masculinity, take your misplaced energy and negativity elsewhere. To the incels downvoting me, you’re not achieving anything. I thought this was a self improvement sub but a lot of very secure men got very upset at me for daring to self reflect. Its sad, but I’m gonna stop engaging with the post as they’ve overrun it. To the people who engaged in good faith, thank you so much. You helped me a lot.
| 1,881 |
Every day I wake up and say - its okay you've been slacking before now - today is the Day. And at the end of the day ... not. I so need a Day to prove I can.
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I am old, but my parents are still active and happy so old isn't the issue. I have a job I've had for years but when I get to the marrow of it - I love my job. I have a husband who loves me and kids - they are teenagers so their love of me - or lack there of - is to be taken with a grain of salt. I'm taking medication and I used to just work and lay in bed so I am saying posting is a positive thing.
Today I had a dr appt and he said, 'does increasing the dose really help you?' I didn't know the answer. What is you feel 100% better, but it is still an issue but you can't put your finger on it?
| 3 |
is it me? am I the problem?
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for context, i just turned 30 this year in april and at first i was feeling settled in this grown woman error but now , now i am a collection of insecurities. when i look around, my peers seem to be doing well, traveling, getting married, having babies and reaching new heights in their careers. while i on the other hand, am struggling in everyway possible. before covid i was making serious moves in my career, i had a good job, paying really well, i had an amazing apartment and the future was looking bright, then everything went downhill from there, i lost my job, i lost friends , i moved back home. i secured a job in may this year and its like an entry level position, considering my years of expertise in this field i am being paid peanuts. i use public means and its like my life is one sad fucking song after another. and i am here just wondering why......why am i not like them? at my age why am i struggling? why am i not at the peak of my career? is there hidden knowledge i don\`t know of? why am i such a fucking loser? and how can i change that? how can i change me?
| 9 |
Is it possible to be laid-back person but a planner at the same time?
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Is it possible to practice being calm and laid- back person but at the same time be a goal-oriented and planner?
| 19 |
Too messed up to fix
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I’m not really sure to start other than I’m 34(M) and feel just utterly worthless. I suck at everything I do, my relationship is suffering, I wake up every day with a huge weight on my chest that never goes away, unless I smoke weed. Every day I feel like I either try and fail or never try at all. I always set out to be better but I never seem to follow through. I hate myself and don’t really see the point of trying anymore. I feel that I’m too damaged to fix. I’m worried I will continue to be nothing for the rest of my life. I want to be better but I don’t know how and I feel that I have no one in my life who can help.
| 1 |
Books to read to give you good internal dialogue?
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Looking for book recommendations- recently I’ve found myself consuming content online which is making me really hate my internal dialogue - I’m feeling envious, hopeless, self hating and hurt. Wanting to get off social media and replace these feelings with better patterns of thinking. Anyone got any good books which may help me have positive thought? I like fiction and may want to think like a certain character? Relaxed, positively, not envious or hopeless despite the circumstance of life! Thanks!
| 12 |
distance and eventually NC
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I (21F) plan to go NC with my parents once I go to college and leave (I will be funding myself). However, I’m having difficulty with how I should act around them? I don’t want to mislead them so me going NC is confusing but I also want to be respectful and helpful. What are some good ways I can create distance but also not be an asshole? No questions about why I’m going NC, or generally negative comments!
| 1 |
am I too sensitive?
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So I’ve been in this new state for a while now and there’s this man. When I first got to my new job he approached me. Inquiring about my home town and my age and so on and so forth.
So then one day he offered to buy me something from the cafeteria because I was sitting there not eating anything.
No biggie. Thanks I appreciate it.
He would tell me oh he can get me into clubs and we could hangout. I refused his advances like NO THANKS!!!
Eventually he kind of friendzones himself.
Now tell me why today.
He asked me if I resembled my mother or my father… (mind you he started this conversation by asking if my father was dead or not)
Then I respond with “ I don’t know. People tell me I look like both”
He begins to chuckle.
Now I’m thinking he tryna be funny with one of those you look like yo daddy jokes.
So then he says “ oh do you have older sisters” to which I replied “yes.”
He then says oh they must be ugly…..
Now a part of me wanted to laugh and tell him he looked like a fucking crow. & how we 13 years apart and working the same mf job… However I refrained from doing so…
do I look like the type you can sit there and play with like what????
Am I overreacting like do men just joke like this??
Am I supposed to take it as he hurt because I didn’t want to fuck with him so he tryna make me feel bad about myself??
Like somebody please say something
Having low self esteem sometimes will cause me to take these types of comments and internalize them yk.
| 9 |
24 and kinda lost in life
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Hey folks!
Wanted to take this off my chest and hopefully get some advice, so feel free to share your view!
24 M here, personal trainer and online trainer, business not going great tho. I studied Physical Therapy but did not went for the domain because i was already working as a personal trainer from 20 years old.( i worked through college)
All the years following i tried to grow my business, either through getting client refferalls and/or cold dm-ing potential clients and having a talk with them. And it worked wonders for a couple of months, but i have just been on and off with it, because i am an athlete too( i like powerlifting and went to the national contest in my country- Romania).
The thing is, after i focused like 6 months on sports and the competition passed... i feel lost and confused now. I kinda know what to do to get my business moving but i am so scared i would not be able to keep it up( i post informational fitness content on my IG, people get attracted bc of the free value yada yada all that stuff).
I feel like i entered a bad bad mental place, it kinda messed up my sleep in the last period, had some mini-panic attacks but because i tend to have contact with so many people daily i know how to hide it perfectly so it won't affect my interpersonal relationships.
I judge myself because i feel so stuck and i constantly get terrors from thoughts that i "wasted my life" or that i chose the wrong career path.( but i love what i do, i just don't like the unpredictibility of it)
I studied programming at high school( well, if you can call that stuff programming) so i still can learn all that stuff way easier than someone that starts from ground 0. This would be another path i can go.
Another one is that my mom, at some point, moved to Austria for work and already knows german and works a good job, i was thinking i can go there and learn german and find something to work.
Honestly i don't truly know and again, i am fearful to not screw this all up and basically stay in the same place until the 30's get me.
Thanks for reading all of this and may God bless you!
| 2 |
Improving my sleep routine.
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I have the most fuck all sleep routine a person can have.I sleep by 7 am and get up by 2 to 3 pm.I had to leave my job because of a horrible disease.I am depressed and feel like I am in a never ending trap of never getting better. My entire day is wasted because I get up in the afternoon and at night I can’t sleep at all.Even though I am at home I can do things like learning some skills,exercising,eating well.I don’t do shit and constantly feel like my life is so bad.It’s a trap of depression.I believe improving my sleep routine is the first step to get better.I have tried antidepressant/sleeping pills but that just makes me feel more sleepy and not helping with depression.I just don’t have the discipline and motivation to change.I tried reducing screen time,meditation.I still can’t sleep early,how do I change my sleep routine for better?
| 0 |
I can't make a task done and can't seem to achieve or do any progress
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why I can't be dedicated or consistent with anything I know I have things to do and have responsibilities but I don't do them till the last possible movement and then fail at them miserably I know what I should do but I do know the solution to my problems but I don't do it I just don't I am at my lowest point right now but I won't do anything to change it keep making it worst I plan thing but never do it I am digging my own grave and can't stop (plz don't tell me to see a psychiatrist if it was possible i wouldn't have come here)
| 1 |
My diet is destroying my liver
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For the past few years I have binge ate on and off. I used to eat to the point of misery, so much so, that I couldn’t sleep until 5 am…because it would take forever for the food to digest so that I could breathe comfortably on my back. And while I’d stop, I’d always start back. I have lost weight and gained weight and lost weight again. After years of using food as a crutch and an escape, I found out in January of this year that my liver was inflamed. I don’t drink so the only other culprit was my poor eating habits. It was devastating for me because I’m in my early 20s. And no one would have guessed it either because I don’t present with the stereotypical associations surrounding “poor health” like obesity. (I also did a good job of always scheduling doctor appointments when my weight was on the lower end so that it always looked like I was maintaining a healthy size.)
It was incredibly difficult cutting out comfort foods like bread and sugar and salty things. I cried many days because my method of coping had been taken away. But I ended up seeing drastic improvements in my complexion, my mental processing, and my overall mood. No more aches and neuropathy and heart palpitations either. I would still overeat from time to time but it was never detrimental. I even started seeing a therapist for my anxiety and eating habits while I was staying on campus at my university. But these past two months have been horrible. I’ve started back binging again and hiding it too. All I do is eat sugar in secret and feel shitty afterwards. I have no energy and my body hurts. But it all feels so out of control. It’s crazy to me that the idea of my liver getting worse doesn’t scare me into action the way it used to. I know that I’m responsible for my own choice, and I shouldn’t be waiting on some external force to carry me through. As reluctant as I am to get back on track, I know I need to. I can’t let this destroy all the progress I’ve made. Sure I gained most of the weight back, but I learned how to meal prep and eat nutritious foods i actually like. I also learned other ways for coping with stress besides eating. So I’m not giving up. I’m starting back tomorrow. I know good things are waiting on the other side of this mess!
| 18 |
Movie addiction
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Hey guys, for the past couple of months I've been watching a lot of movies. I wanna do something else but I get distracted quickly and go back to watching a movie. Is there any solutions to this problem?
| 0 |
Quitting Sugar?
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I grew up with an extremely bad relationship with food. Both of my parents were extremely obese/ overweight in their lives, and unfortunately passed down bad habits to us. I have always been a glutton for sugar. I have dieted and I go to the gym very frequently (usually 7 days a week). I drink about 80-120 oz of water everyday, and I have lost large amounts of weight (50+ lbs) on my own and with medication. Most recently, I’ve lost ~60 lbs. on weight loss medication, and currently weigh what I did in high school again.
My problem however, and the reason for my post, is that I’m struggling very hard with sugar cravings. I try not to keep sugar in my house, but some nights, it’s like I’m a drug addict. I’ll go to the drug store up the road and buy myself some chocolate or candies just to satisfy the cravings. It’s like my brain won’t shut up about the craving until I give in! Of course I always feel regret after eating sugar, but it’s so difficult! I went to lunch with some family, and even though I didn’t want it or crave it, when chocolate chip cookies were at the table, I grabbed one. It was almost like auto pilot.
So here’s the help I’m asking for: How do you stay off of sugar? Even if you don’t have it in your home, how do you fight the noise your brain gives you about wanting sugar? Lately I’ve tried eating a piece of fruit when I’m craving sugar, so that at least I’m not eating artificial sugars (which from what I’ve read are more addicting.) But especially at night, it seems I won’t be satisfied until I have some candy or chocolate! Please help!
| 1 |
i want to learn the best way to change my vocabulary and self talk to quit venting so much and talking negative about my life and finally pick up and move on from the past
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is there any guidance or advice anyone has on overcoming constant complaining and rumination? i feel like it has kept me stuck in my ways when i’m trying to actually change.
| 7 |
should i tell my therapist about suicidal thoughts and s/h?
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i am just starting therapy and i know it’s early on to think this but i’m trying to decide if it’s a good idea or not. i wanna be open and honest about everything but i don’t want to get sent to a hospital because i know i don’t need it. i have 0 plans to actually do it and i do not want to. it happens when im in a certain head space, if something around me happened to trigger it because i get rlly intense emotions, or if i feel like my life’s not going anywhere.
i also wanna know if it’s a good idea to tell her that i have problems with urges to s/h. i have done it and still do from time to time when i’m in a rlly bad place or if i get into these certain head spaces. i have a lot of problems managing emotions and they can get very intense and it’s all i can think about during these times.
| 1 |
How can I work on myself
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My girlfriend (f21) and I (m22) just had a hard conversation about how I’m starting to fall back into a very insecure person. She’s noticing patterns I do where I tiptoe around her (trying not to upset her) because I’m scared to lose her.
When she brought this up it really hit me. I do this. I am scared she’s gonna leave me. I’m also having some other confidence issues as-well such as not being able to initiate in bed. And not being able to plan stuff for us to do on my own because I’m scared she won’t like it.
What are some steps I can take to gain my confidence back.
Some info about me
I go to the gym 4-5 days a week. I used to have a really clean diet, however I’ve been eating very poorly the last couple months which I know it what’s contributing to my mood. I’ve decided tonight after talking to her that I’m gonna get my diet straight to help with these issues.
I want to dive deeper.
I want to do a deep dive into myself and learn why I have these patterns and how I can overcome the deeper lying issue.
I don’t know what I’m asking really but maybe there’s some books anyones read that helps learn about these things.
I want this
| 5 |
Today’s the first day…again.
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I went through a rough breakup (5 years together) in the beginning of this year and during that break up I realized I should be a better person. I started reading books on empathy and working out. I stopped drinking and smoking less. Eating more and gaining muscle. But, in my haste, I pulled a stomach muscle and had to stop exercise for two months. This stopped all progress for some reason. I’m drinking, smoking, jerking off like 4-5 times a day. I haven’t cooked in forever or really taken care of myself. Leading up to Today. My stomach has healed and I’m going to go to the gym tonight. No more drinking, smoking, porn and more cooking, exercise, and reading. I guess I hope this post holds me accountable while motivating others to know that it’s okay to try again.
| 12 |
I have always had substance issues but last night was the final straw.
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So this is all a bit horrible and I think I just need to write all this down.
I am a 30F, with a partner and two children, different dads, 7 years apart.
I have cPTSD that I’m awaiting treatment for, my childhood was a mess, my dad is pretty much an alcoholic, regular party drug user, my mum is a successful business owner who still takes drugs occasionally and smokes weed every day.
I drink most nights, just a couple gins, and cocaine is currently rife in my area, including most of my social circle. If I go out, which is maybe once or twice a month, I end up having some cocaine after a few drinks. I don’t take huge amounts and don’t buy it, but I can’t seem to escape it and my willpower when drunk sucks. I don’t feel like I’ve ever endangered myself apart from two times I passed out drunk, without drugs, in our house, and I would never take drugs in front of my kids.
My partner set a boundary a week or so ago after I went out and had some, he said he wasn’t ok with me having it anymore as he doesn’t like the thought of me hammered and apparently vulnerable. We used to have it together occasionally when offered and in the past this has felt like a kinda flexible thing.
I never started drinking most days until I met him and he smokes weed every day.
Yesterday I got drunk with a cousin who was in town and she invited me for a line, I was pissed and accepted. Idiot.
I then lied about it to him, he didn’t believe my lie. I have never lied to him before. Shit hit the fan, when I fessed up about lying like a minute later.
Things escalated, my cousin stepped in saying I had a tiny bit and trying to back me up, even though I knew there and then I’d fucked up big time.
We got home, he kept telling me I chose drgs over him and I lost it in a total fit of coke fuelled, drunken rage. I tried to drag him out my front door screaming that this is my house and he needs to leave. I have no excuse, I crossed his boundary, he called everyone he could for support and let them know I was being abusive, his mum, my mum, his best friend.
I woke up this morning and decided to go sober, I have been taking drugs, smoking on and off and drinking since I was 13 years old, my parents, my friends, everyone I know, has a substance they use regularly.
I have to go sober, but I’ve been doing this for so long I’m terrified. I have asked him to go sober with me and he’s accepted, which I really appreciate. I have had problems with him smoking weed every day since the start as he obviously uses it as a crutch and an emotion blocker. Pot, kettle, black, I know.
I’m literally a fucking mess, I’ve been having intrusive thoughts all day convincing me to hurt myself (ex self-harmer) my ex would kind of role play punish me during s*x as it made him feel more in control (non-consenting) if I did something he didn’t like (ie. hanging out with friends over him) and that’s an element of sexual trauma which has reared its ugly head.
I had a Valium to try and regain control of some of this but I’m spiralling into a horrific place any time I’m left alone. I’ve been playing with my kids all day and went to work which is distracting but I have no idea how to get over what I’ve done r whether we are doomed. He doesn’t know either, but if I had endured that from him I’d be gone.
I hate myself and I want to get better.
| 11 |
Self development starts with reading
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Ok, apart from the silly title, I believe that reading (fiction as well as non-fiction) is one of the best ways to develop oneself (at least it was and still is for me).
* By reading, I can get to know **how others see the world**, which helps me understand why some people believe the things they do. This also enables me to more easily place myself in the shoes of others.
* I **learn** an enormous amount of new things by reading (and I believe that learning is something very important for people of all ages). By reading about health, I learned about the importance of sleep and exercise. By reading about personal finance, I learned about the significance of investing at a young age. By reading Dale Carnegie's 'How to Stop Worrying and Start Living,' I got through a tough time. You get the point.
* Reading has **broadened my horizons**. Initially, I was only interested in economics, but through reading, I became more and more interested in the world of self-development and then health. This broadened my horizons and enabled me to stay curious.
* **Increased focus and concentration**. Reading a book takes time. No quick dopamine hits from watching a 10-second video; instead, you take it slow and are forced to stay focused (which, as Cal Newport writes in his book 'Deep Work,' is a skill that's getting more and more valuable).
* This last one is a small one and probably doesn't apply to a lot of people, but it works for me: by reading 30 minutes to 1 hour of fiction prior to going to bed, I **sleep** like a baby xD.
These are just some examples of the way reading improved my life, but there are countless more.
**Question: What is the best book you've read thus far?** (I'm still expanding my 'to-read' list, so all suggestions are welcome.) Mine is '*How to Win Friends and Influence People*' (by Dale Carnegie). It's a corny title, but the book basically talks about becoming a better person and simply being kind and honest. I love his writing style, and the book itself is just great in my opinion.
| 28 |
Realistically, is it too late?
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I am 34 years old(if it helps I look 25 and I act 21 tops, most of the time) with two jobs and a bunch of bills. I could stop going to one job and go to school to do anything if it’s even remotely better than what I’m doing now. Is it too late? I just am sick of being on the bottom rung of my life and just hanging out and after applying to different jobs I realized I’m stuck. I don’t care to be rich, but I want to survive and it’s not feasible at the rate I’m going. Anyone have any advice at all? Should I get in touch with the local community college or even a trade school or is it too late? It’s a terrible feeling and I don’t wish it on anyone.
| 9 |
Looking for Research Topics to Help Others :)
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Hey, gang. I'm passionate in philosophy, psychology and all the emotional challenges we face as we try to live our best lives.
I'm looking for a research topic regarding any important problem or condition many of us fight through. If there is something specific you'd like me to research and write about, I'm all ears. I'd be happy to publish it for you.
All I care about is giving others a philosophical advantage who are on the hunt to better themselves.
PS: I asked for suggestions from IG and there was some incredible responses. I'm stoked to hear what you guys suggest!
Comment or DM works :).
| 1 |
Advice on how to start loving/caring about yourself?
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Trying not to make this an overly depressing post...
I have things in my life that clearly need attention, from a lack of follow through on my plans and ambitions all the way down to a lack of day-to-day self care. I realize that a certain amount of self love is probably involved in taking the time to make those things happen, and I just don't seem to have it.
I do want to feel better about myself, and I do want to do interesting things, but up until now I haven't been able to put action behind it. I also really dislike myself, and I'm realizing those two things are probably connected. If I saw somebody else with my issues, I could come up with a list of things for them to do that would make things better. But any motivation I muster to do anything for myself quickly goes away.
Any advice on developing enough love/care for yourself to start making things better?
| 3 |
Cried myself to sleep, woke up and cried some more, but made myself get up and ready for the day, build a resume and take my little brother to the park.
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I can feel the tears coming on again honestly but I guess small progress is still progress when beating depression?
| 392 |
I(f28) quit drinking 4 years ago on my birthday
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My birthday is coming up and I’m celebrating 4 years sober from alcohol. My entire life has been plagued by the traumas of alcohol abuse so I actually had a ton of fun on my 25th birthday but not drinking for a while afterwards eventually turned into weeks and then months and now years! On my birthday I now choose to make my friends and family a meal and we sit in my yard and sing and I don’t care about the party or anything I just love that we’re all able to gather 💜 Fingers crossed that I get to attend a concert the day of the anniversary to celebrate sobriety🤞🏾 I’ve seen the band before but don’t remember because I got roofied so I’m ecstatic at the possibility of seeing them without the risk of it happening again 🥳 life changes when you change your life and I’m excited at how much more things I enjoy and remember with no regret 🫶🏽 I absolutely don’t judge anyone that drinks but if you were ever looking for a sign to slow down or stop I can honestly say it’s never without a struggle but it is worth it! Support is always there as well my friends
| 18 |
How do I change my core personality and stop being evil on the inside?
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This post is probably going to sound like it was written by an edgy 12 year old, but I swear I'm not a troll.
I don't know if I'll get in trouble for sharing any of this stuff, but I have wanted to share this for the longest time. I know it's likely going to get backlash, which is okay. I just wanted to get this off my chest.
I believe I have NPD and ASPD, which is why I'm such a bad person. I think that the stressful/traumatic events I went through in my life could've contributed, but I think I was born evil and destined to be this way all along. There are people who have been through much, much worse than me and still turned out to be good people. And here I am. I know a lot of people would say I don't have NPD/ASPD because if I did, I wouldn't care. I just think I happen to have just enough self awareness to know I'm not normal.I've been to 5 different therapists and when I explained my situation to them, they all tried to convince me that I'm not these things and that I'm "too nice" to be those things. They all treated me like a child and didn't take what I said at face value, which is what was so frustrating. It's so rare for someone who is narcissistic or antisocial to actually seek help and have self awareness that when someone like me who has these traits does, I'm not taken seriously. Fortunately I have a therapist now who seems to take me seriously, so I'm a bit hopeful for that.
Even though I may not seem like it on the outside, there is an ugliness inside of me. No matter how much I try to do good and be nice to people, it doesn't change my true nature. I am selfish, evil, egotistical, emotionally cold, impulsive, manipulative, judgmental, and get enjoyment seeing innocent people in emotional pain. I don't go out of my way to hurt people, I never have and never will, but when I see someone cry, whether it be on tv or in real life my first instinct is to laugh/smile. I feel like something is physically wrong with my brain. Like I'm cross wired. These feelings and chemical reactions in my brain make me want to bash my skull against a rock until all that black sludge comes out of me.
I have been diagnosed with a low-grade tectal glioma on the roof of my brainstem. I don't know if that has anything to do with anything but I thought it was worth mentioning. I've also been officially diagnosed with OCD and "high functioning" autism.
My heart is just full of black sludge. I try to do good things on the outside, but I'm a hollow husk of a person on the inside. My emotional landscape is barren, except for negative emotions like anger or jealousy. I relate to the Bojack Horseman quote "I feel like I was born with a leak, and any good I ever had has drained out of me." The emotions I do feel are really shallow. The only things I really get joy from are material things like food or shopping.
I'm on Zyprexa, Lithium, and Paxil so I think these medications might be blunting my emotions, because I used to cry a lot more before I went on them. I've been on them for a year and I've only cried like twice in that span, and it felt very... shallow. I kind of view other people as NPCs in a video game and I'm the main character, which is where my narcissism comes into play. I almost feel disassociated from the world around me.
I think I have only truly loved someone once in my life and had an exception for. We were both 18 and we met in a mental hospital, he was actually a diagnosed sociopath, funnily enough. We bonded over our similar predicaments and I eventually fell in love with him. I seemed to forget that he was a sociopath, because I loved him so much I think I actually would've given my life for him. He saw that and exploited that. Used me up for money and sex, and once the novelty of our relationship was over and he got everything he wanted, he discarded me and ghosted me. I think this also affected my ability to love. Now every time I try to date a guy I get the urge to cheat, which I why I abstain from relationships right now. And I think that compulsion is my subconscious' way of preventing me from being hurt again. Or I get a thrill from the idea of the illicitness and forbidden nature of it because, once again, I'm an evil son of a bitch. I wish I could be in a real committed relationship but I know I can't until I get these thoughts sorted out.
If anyone can relate, which I hope you don't, feel free to message me. If you have any advice, it would be really appreciated. I don't know if I'll get in trouble by any of the things I said, but I'm glad I got it off my chest. Even if this is flooded with hate comments and downvotes, it feels really nice to share how I really feel to people and not just this fake nice/happy persona I put on in my day to day life. Thanks for reading.
| 1 |
To be brief: how new underwear and ditching the booze saved our sex life and marriage
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**The backstory**: Within the past two years I (38M) quit drinking and started to get back in shape. Around that time I switched from boxer briefs to briefs for workouts because I found them more comfortable to exercise. I had not worn briefs since I was a kid and had the impression that they were uncomfortable, childish, looked silly, etc. I hadn't realized how much things had changed in terms of the modern styles (colors NOT tighty whities) and more athletic materials but had never really given it a second thought since boxer briefs always (mostly) did the job. Besides, I was one of the guys and that's what most of the guys I knew always wore. I didn’t know any different and more importantly didn’t think I would even like anything different.
**Enter my wife**: believe it or not I was a little embarrassed to be seen even by my wife (35F) in my new briefs, so I didn’t really advertise it even around the house and just wore them under my workout shorts and changed and the gym. One day I found myself changing after a workout in front of her and she immediately screamed: “WHAT are those?! They look so hot!” I was still a little sheepish and told her that I got them to work out and ended up really liking them. She really surprised me with her interest and how much she liked the look and let’s just say she pretty much jumped me then and there.
**Dry patch turns, well… wet**: We had gone through the longest dry patch of our marriage due to both the pandemic and my excessive drinking (both of which are done now). Let’s be honest, being hungover a lot and a sloppy drunk most nights really aren’t conducive to a healthy sexual relationship. And it had to have helped that my new workout and diet, combined with not consuming thousands of calories on sugary craft beer or box of wine, meant that my form (and looks) was coming back. I may not be the Greek God I was in my college athlete days, but I definitely got at least some of it back! In any event, given my wife’s new found interest in my underwear selection, I started to lean a bit into… parading around in the ones I had and doing things like sending her photos of me wearing them. Instant arousal for her and kind of became fun for me putting on a show. All of this was new for me and still a surprise to get the reaction I did. We definitely started to have sex a lot more often and were both enjoying it.
**The gift**: a few weeks pass and out of the blue she presents me with a gift of sorts: a few pairs of black Calvin Klein hip briefs. Think the really low cut and skimpy ones. I was surprised and not sure what to make of it, part of me thought that she was gently teasing me for my new underwear choices and I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. A little embarrassed perhaps? As I started to explain this nervously she cut me off and said: “the thought of you wearing these right now literally makes me wet.” Okee dokee then. Into the CKs I went and they led to one of the most passionate and wild sessions we’ve had in a while. I mean, I was seriously turned on. This was definitely going places.
**Enter, a thong?** Given the success of the low rise briefs, she decides to take it up a notch and bought me a man thong. Wow. At this point a conversation was in order. I asked her: does this seriously turn you on as much as I think it does? After she said yes, I admitted that I was having a lot of fun too. Never before had I considered men’s underwear the least bit sexual but her interest in seeing me in it drove me wild. We talked about what we liked and didn’t and decided on a couple boundaries: no traditional white “tighty whities” and no women’s clothing (I’m not comfortable with that). I still prefer something a bit more… masculine? We did talk about items that are marketed towards gay men and are both have no issues with that.
**A kink is born**: We started experimenting even more and I think it’s fair to say it developed into a kink. We bought more briefs in all colors and patterns, pouch underwear, speedos. Having her trust and permission to go wild knowing it drove her the right kind of crazy was a game changer for me. I grew even more confident in myself and our mental and physical attraction to each other grew. Sex and especially foreplay became so much more fun.
**Settle in for the ride**: We went from barely having sex at all over a year plus period to being horned up for each other constantly. Like I said before it’s a combination of things, and I can’t believe how much better my life and marriage is now, all based on a few simple changes. I feel and look good and the underwear gives me even more incentive to take care of myself, including things I overlooked before like manscaping. My wife used to get on my case about not initiating sex but now all I have to do is strip down to my undies and we both know it’s on.
**Where to go from here**: we’re communicating more about what we like and don’t like. What a mistake we made for so long by just assuming. It does open the door though, especially for anyone who has been on a similar position to me, what to try next and where to go from here? Open to suggestions.
**TL;DR on a very long post (thanks for reading and a pro tip)**: ladies, consider buying your guy some briefs, especially if you’re looking to re-charge your sex life after a dry spell. I recommend black CK hip briefs for the first purchase, it’s not too out there but sexy as well for both of you.
Gents, consider it. You might surprise her in a good way (and yourself).
| 8 |
I want to be better to understand situations and logistics of my own life, work, budgeting and self control.
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I am not so good at maintaining my own logistics when I’m making moves in my life. I find it overwhelming to think about logistical issues. I set goals I don’t achieve , then I lose focus over my easiest current daily to do’s.
I find others figuring out suitable rent prices, budgeting, moving from job to job, switching places and building relationships easily. Making moves faster than me. They succeed in figuring out those things while I fail.
What can I do to change myself, I keep overthinking each part I mentioned above. I want to make transitions easier in my life. I want it to be a normal part of my life to have easy moves.
| 1 |
Realizing what really happened to me and I didn’t do anything about it back then
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I always knew but probably realized it finally when I started journaling about how fucked up things were and I didn’t do anything about it and now I feel like a real loser that I didn’t take a stand for myself and my loved ones.
Bad things were said to me on my face, about me, my loved one, and I was judged and I was laughed at, and I was considered “less” and I didn’t do anything about it then and now I get reminded of all those things and I keep thinking I could have done this or that but I did not do it and that makes me feel devastated, it ruins my fucking day and I don’t feel good about myself and I hate myself and I feel like a loser.
Moreover I am still friends with people who did those things to me, talked shit about me, made me feel like shit. They are not that anymore and I don’t let anyone do that to me anymore, but I still have this resentment towards them and I feel worse that how can I still be in contact with them. They probably don’t even know I feel this way!
I want to protect myself and person that i love and I didn’t do that before and it kills me that I allowed other people to do whatever they did (make fun, insult, laugh at me) and it’s becoming unbearable now that I completely realize it.
I know I can only take steps for the future and never let it happen again but these thoughts keep coming and it is really painful.
I’m not at all clear with my thoughts and I’m all over the place and I am rambling and it’s all very chaotic right now and I am not in control!
| 1 |
I’m gonna bust my ass to get a drivers license and car
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I’m 18 years old and I’ve only gotten my permit at 17 and only have driven 3 times. I wasted most of my teenage years procrastinating and sitting on video games all day. Wasting time on social media instead of going to work and picking up skills. I’m just sick and tired of feeling like an outcast with my friends. All of them have cars but not me. I just want to be able to drive wherever I want without having to ask mom. I want to be able to pick my own music and Just chill in my car besides being at home everyday. It sucks and it won’t be easy. But I’m going to make it and stay consistent with studying and practicing for my drivers tests.
| 5 |
I keep getting ghosted by friends and acquaintances without any known reason
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There are always people in my life who suddenly and without any real reason or dispute simply stop contacting me, even if we had met regularly before.
This behaviour has been happening on and off for a few years now and it irritates me and makes me sad because I never get the chance to understand if and how I might be triggering this in other people.
I would really like to work on it, but since I don't know exactly what it is for different people, I really struggle with it.
Does anyone else know this and how to deal with it?
| 18 |
Alternative to video games?
|
I quit social media and alcohol recently. I only used to drink once or twice a week before, but I decided I want it no more.
I am often getting an urge to start playing video games again. The last time I played a computer game was a decade ago, in high school. I don't want to get back into that rabbit hole as I know that it's nothing but a waste of time and I don't have self control.
Please suggest other activities that I can replace my video games urge with?
I'm looking for something that gives instant feedback.
I couple of months ago I was addicted to chess and I quit that too as I used to spend north of 2 hours a day on bullet chess.
I already play guitar(7 years now), and I read as well(currently the complete collection of Sherlock Holmes)
I'm looking for something that's easy to do which gives feedback.
I'm 26 years old, Male.
| 1 |
I quit drinking and noticed some things.
|
It's been almost 17 months since I stopped drinking so I'm doing good on that part. Besides the obvious benefits like not feeling terrible all the time and not having to worry about driving around drunk(I live on the road full time for work) I've noticed a couple other things. I started drinking in my mid teens to be social, so I never learned the natural way to socialize. Now that alcohol isn't there to carry me into conversations I've had to learn how to do it in my 40s. At first it was hard and I was looking for something to help, CBD helps a little but it's not alcohol. Now I've found after just painfully putting myself into social situations I'm slowly becoming better at it. I've been going to events and random gatherings where even if you don't start conversation usually someone will talk to you anyway, best way to have that happen is to at least pretend to look like you're having a good time. Another thing I've noticed is all the bars across the country now are starting to look like dark depressing places to me, which for the most part they are. I used to look for the most hole in the wall bars that were the roughest to be in. Looking at it now that wasn't helping me in life at all, I never made any permeant friends and most nights I just wasted money and health on something that wasn't even fun. I'm probably still depressed in life but I'm trying to do whatever I can to not be and I think staying out of bars is definitely helping. I don't know if this is the right place for this but I'm sure I'll find out if you guys start downvoting it. If you guys have questions about what else is working for me to stay away from alcohol you can go ahead and ask and I'll answer the best I can. Thanks for reading.
| 61 |
How do I handle sobering up?
|
I'm drunk atm but running out of alcohol. I can keep drinking by acquiring more but I'm conflicted of whether to do so or not.
| 3 |
I just sleep off after my yoga class
|
So I've joined yoga classes in the morning(5:30am) which is pretty early for me as I wake up around 8:30-9 am but i really wanted to change that...and just after completing yoga I don't know what else to do...i just go to my bed and sleep off as I don't have any plan...help me out
| 6 |
ending long friendships
|
There’s a friendship that I (21F) have had for years (since 6th grade), but due to a moral issue I’m not comfortable being friends anymore. They said back in january after I reached out for 6 months that they were focusing on school and would reach out after graduation (spring 2024). How do I even tell them in the future I don’t want to be friends anymore? I blocked them a couple times when I was shutting down but they’re unblocked right now (I feel awful for this but at that time I thought I was doing the right thing). I’m awful and terrified of confrontation of any kind (if someone gives me the wrong food I just take it for context) so I’m terrified of how to handle this?
| 1 |
frustrated about math
|
I (21F) am taking a stats course this semester. I’m not good at math to be honest, but I’m starting to prepare now so I can be prepared when the semester starts. The thing is, when I was a kid, my dad was really harsh on me for my performance specifically in math, so I’ve noticed that anytime I start to get frustrated that I can’t solve a problem, I start to feel stronger emotions than I should and I give up. I’m trying to keep at it, but how do I handle the stronger emotional reactions that I have for this subject so I can do well? I’m fine with taking breaks but I don’t want to take have to take a breather every single time I’m stumped…
| 4 |
What motivates you
|
I have sparks of motivations but it just disappear after a few days and then I just be in bed forever.
How do u maintain motivation I’m so confused
| 12 |
how to stop doubting people i know are good for me?
|
im an incredibly anxious, paranoid, and easily stressed out person. however, a few things have always been able to calm me down, like my friends, particularly my best friend of over a year. a month and a half ago, he asked me out, and weve been dating ever since. its been amazing, and being around him has gone from a way for me to dim these negative thoughts to something that lets me shut them out completely. not only does being around him bring me so much peace, since he has stuck by me when no one else has and earned more of my trust than any of my other friends before we became a couple, but the contrast that this creates with the time i spend away from him has made it so easy to see when im making myself unhappy. he has made me realize that i need to better myself, not for his sake (he somehow loves me as the high-strung mess i am) but for my own. i want to be happy, whether im with him or not.
however, weve been away from each other for nearly a month now, and in the past few days my paranoid self-sabotaging tendencies and intrusive thoughts (im looking to see someone about what i think might be OCD) have returned in full force. it doesnt seem like a coincidence that, now that im trying to stop being too scared of things and people to live a full life, that same little scared part of my brain is trying to tell me that hes just attracted to me sexually and doesnt genuinely care about me, even though every bit of reason says that he does. every nice thing hes done for me in the past year and a half with no sign of expecting anything in return, everything our shared friends have told me about him, every kind thing ive seen him do for others, everything he's said about me both to my face and when he didn't think i was listening-- it all falls apart in the face of this little voice in my head. "he told me himself that he started liking me before he noticed my body and that he tried to ignore his feelings for months so he wouldnt lose our friendship" "ok well he was probably lying about that because he knew youd trust him more" "ok well what about all the times we've talked about the future we want to build together lots of which was prompted by him" "also a lie" "ok and what about-" "also a lie" "ok and-" "ALSO a lie" "thats all so specific though only an insane person would think to lie about ALL THAT" "you have no way of knowing he isnt". my inner monologue is constantly reducing someone kind and honest who i really like and trust into a horrible, manipulative asshole even though the only way for him to be that would be for him to have spent a year and a half constantly concocting stories for our entire group of friends and spending time with me that usually doesnt end in any of what he supposedly "wants"
**i know this seems like a relationship post but he genuinely hasnt done anything to prompt these doubts, i know that its the anxious part of my brain that feels threatened when i let almost anyone too close or do just about anything worthwhile trying to push back when faced with my attempts to curb its power over me.** maybe these doubts will subside once i see him, but the fear that theyll stick with me, ruin this relationship and any that may try and follow it, and keep me from connecting with anyone but myself forever is scary enough for me to not be willing to take that chance. before him, i might have just continued to make myself miserable, but hes made me realize that i have other options, and that makes me want to lose him even less. if anyone has any advice for reducing these doubts and regaining my trust for others id really appreciate it
| 1 |
I just can’t get on with it
|
I just can’t forgive myself for all the terrible things I’ve done while being drunk. All the ways I embarrassed myself and didn’t act according to my values. It’s really making it hard to move on and love my self. I feel like I’m not worthy to be better.
| 3 |
How do you motivate yourself to do better without using shame or contempt?
|
I really want to do better, but I noticed I tend to use negative bullying towards myself to try to convince myself to take the right actions. It worked when I was younger but it isn't working anymore, I'm just exhausted and can't bother to care anymore when I'm being condemned by myself.
What do you personally do to motivate yourself without using shame and bullying tactics?
| 1 |
I want to do disappear
|
I’m really done with life. I’m just done man. Nothings going my way. I’m anxious all the fucking time.
I haven’t been able to wake up early. I wake up late and feel lethargic everyday. I have my summer vacation right now and uni starts in a month. I thought I’ll spend it wisely, learn new things and improve. But I haven’t been able to.
My rooms a fucking mess. Like it’s a literal dumpyard. Im part of a photography organisation and there was this workshop I wanted to attend. And I completely forgot abt that. Didn’t even add it to my calendar. I had made of few goals with my mentor as well. Didn’t get any of them done.
I feel like a really failure today. I probably sound very vague. But Idk what’s wrong with me. I just want to disappear for a bit but I can’t. Pls help
| 69 |
How do I actually quit sugar?
|
I've successfully quit alcohol and smoking. It wasn't so hard for me. But quitting sugar (or even reducing it) seems impossible. I'm frustrated with it being everywhere. I try to cook my own food but everytime I don't there's sugar in some form or another in my food.
I do not drink soda, so that's ok I guess.
| 19 |
New Take on Old Definitions
|
I've been living in Kenya for 9 months and have plenty of time to read and write. I've amalgamated different sources (including my own work) and have come to some pretty cool conclusion that altered the way I am becoming my best self. I'd love to hear your guy's comments and see if they help. The only thing I care to deliver is a philosophical advantage for those getting after their shit.
**Procrastination:**
Procrastination is the subconscious halting of creative exercise. We procrastinate mostly because of some poorly understood threat that looms in our future if we proceed. This threat is derived from fear, but the only goal of fear is to be conquered. Find the subconscious threat, bring it to the surface, and bombard it with action and self-belief.
**Ideas:**
Ideas are dangerous but extremely necessary. When not enacted upon, they cause excruciating psychological pain, especially to the ambitious. An idea has no value unless it is acted upon. Play with it at your own risk.
**Madness:**
Madness is the result of prolonged exposure to perma-frustrations. Perma-frustrations are caused by you not enacting upon your creative potential. Not enacting your creative potential is the most destructive force in human nature. It is the shadow behind all negative emotion.
**Apologies:**
Apologies are not the admittance of fault, but a proclamation that you’re working to fix the problem.
These are just some thoughts I’ve had from the past few weeks. Let me know what you all think!
| 1 |
Starting over at 37
|
It would be hyperbolic to say that I (m37) needed to change “everything” about my life, but it’s such a long list that it *feels* like everything, and it’s overwhelming. I don’t have a great track record of efficacy up to this point, and I don’t have anyone in my own life that I feel like I can reach out to for mentorship or even just commiseration. I’m struggling hard against feeling like it’s hopeless from the start, and I should just settle for what I already have, and Im losing that struggle. I’m not going to hurt myself, but I am thinking about giving up in a progress sense.
| 19 |
How do I stop being toxic?
|
Basically for a number of reasons I (F25) have chosen a poor strategy when it comes to connecting with people in my life. Back in school I used to be a class clown as a way to escape the usual hierarchy, and slowly but surely it progressed into something that I like to call "probing".
The problem is I tend to treat every new person that I encounter and like as if they are my long-time friend, as if they won't get offended or hurt by anything I might say. Think like yo mama jokes. A very limited number of people will kinda see where I'm coming from, pick the pace up and do the same. However, with time more and more people, including my actual long-time friends, began saying that they grew tired of my constant pricking, being sarcastic, joking about something that might be important to them etc.
I honestly don't mean any harm by doing what I do and saying what I say. The seriousness of the situation only struck me recently when I realized that I may not have any friends left pretty soon. Basically I've been fucking toxic pretty much all my life. Now I see that, but I can't for the life of me just learn to bite my tongue when I want to engage in a "friendly banter" which apparently doesn't come off like that at all.
TL;DR how do I rewire myself to stick all my toxicity up my own ass and just treat people with kindness? I'm not on the spectrum or anything like that, so that's definitely not an issue. I'm just an asshole looking for help. Any advice would be genuinely appreciated
| 1 |
How do you quit smoking and all the craving that come with it.
|
I keep telling myself, todays the last day but everyday seems to be the last day. Fml.
| 28 |
Today is the day I disappear for a while.
|
Starting today, for 3 months, I will stay to myself. I will start to read books. Work out 4 times a week. I will start to apply healthy habits to my life, cooking every day, no more eating out. I will spend more time at home. Find a hobby I really enjoy, I’ll get back into painting. Maybe join a martial arts. All I know, 3 months is all I need. 3 months down and solid for myself, putting myself first, making healthy decisions. I know this will be very hard. But it’s necessary… I’ve gotten so sick of who I am. Sometimes I’ll look at myself in third person, and analyze my behavior, my thoughts, my wants, how I treat others vs how I am treating myself. Today is the day, I will no longer be a slave to my own desires and wants. I will take action, I will have sound judgment, I will work on myself through this. I need this, and who would’ve known, the sole reason I am having this moment of clarity is because it’s Sunday, and I woke up before my dog (6am), which is VERY strange… but it’s all because my mind is full of things I am overthinking, I can’t even sleep in. Life will be better. I can feel it.
| 105 |
I think I have a binge eating disorder. How can I help myself?
|
I've always had a bad relationship with food since I was a little kid, stemming from my mom's insecurities and obsession with weight/looks. I'm about to be 16 and it hasn't gotten any easier. This grew from trouble eating in front of people (with strangers at a restaurant or cafeteria, it's mostly fine but im hyper aware and insecure if someone is looking at me or if I think they are), especially family or people I'm close with, to a straight up refusal to eat. It got worse and worse. At first I hated the feeling of being hungry so I couldn't really do it but I've gotten used to it. I absolutely cannot eat in front of my dad unless I have to, I hate it the most. He goes away for his job a lot and when he's home, he's almost always working at the kitchen table. So I will starve myself to not have to eat around him and my whole eating schedule is based on who's around and when. But at night, (especially this summer where I can stay up all night) I eat and I always eat a lot. When I stop eating I feel bad about how much I ate and I feel full in my stomach but not in my brain if that makes sense. I could eat a lot for a while, my body would physically stop me before it mentally stops me. And I also don't eat right so sometimes I'm hungry soon after I eat too much (other times I think it's too soon for me to be hungry even if it's actually been hours so I refuse to eat until a little while later). Therapy would be the best option but it's not the easiest one. I was very adamant about not asking my mom to continue therapy when I had to stop, but because of a couple other things going on too I'm becoming more lenient about that. I might wait to talk to my school counselor in 3 weeks but I'm worried that anything I say will have them be required to call my mom before I'm ready even if it's not that bad. I don't want to wait until I'm an adult and probably wouldn't have the money for all this therapy on my own like I was once so adamant about, but I don't know what else to do
| 4 |
Offering life organization services
|
hello!
you feel you're procrastinating when you should be doing productive activities?
Do you feel that you can dedicate yourself more to one (or several) specific goals but you can't, or do you simply want to improve your routine and be more disciplined in pursuit of your dreams or a healthier routine?
I will organize your routine and habits. Every day of the week :) For just 16$ a week.
I offer:
\- Anti-procrastination HUMAN alert monitoring in real time your performance on study/work, every fucking day of the week!
\- Making sure you're doing the weekly timetable I will do for you, monitoring your progress in real time every day like your second mind. Your everyday personal assistant.
\- Organizing your calendar, and encouraging you to spread your time evenly.
\- Weekly/Daily to-do lists
\-Motivation on down days, and encouragement.
\-Reminders to do essential tasks like cleaning, emails, tasks, etc.
\- put you to sleep at 11pm and wake u up at 7 am (for example).
\- Call you on discord or telegram just before these timings to ensure that you act/wakeup/whatever you neeed or want.
\-convince you to sleep , wake up, study, workout at these times and ensure that you have done so.
and many more!
I will help you form or break habits. You need someone to tell you to do or not do something while motivating you and giving you advice? I will do it! Just DM me :)
| 4 |
From 9 Months of Staying Home to Embracing New Beginnings: I've Decided to Start Applying for jobs abroad
|
What I did :
* Let go of toxic relationships.
* Eliminate negativity, embrace positivity.
* Prioritize self-care and well-being.
* Simplify, focus on what matters.
What I can add to improve my self and eliminate distraction completely?
| 2 |
I feel like I've made a step back, what do I do?
|
For some context: I recently broke up with my SO and he had been together for a year +. I felt the hurt pretty badly the first week. Then I entered a stage of self improvement. The whole thing triggered me into seeing my flaws and who I don't want to be as a person. For the past 2 weeks I've been okay, steadily making progress and trying to be the person I want to be. Some days are harder, some days are fine.
So the fuckening happened yesterday. My friends and I were celebrating a birthday and we all got pretty drunk. I embarrassed myself, I cried, I texted my 2nd ex after we were no contact for 2 years. I did some things that I always promised myself I won't do and I feel like I betrayed myself. I just can't stop critisizing and blaming myself and I feel like I got so far off from the reality I'm trying to attract.
I'm so disappointed by all of this. Did it happen due to my breakup, the alcohol, the stress in my life currently? What can I do to fix it?
| 1 |
Advice needed very much
|
Past few days has been extremely hectic, people passing away, water dispenser choking and breaking, etc. This situation is completely made worse by the fact that my father, instead of earning money, is losing money every day. He insists that he is trying his best, picking a measly 4 customers a day in his car. Furthermore, he manages to spend the whole day waiting in his car with no passengers to pick, wasting more money on gas. He also doesn’t return home when my mother requires his help for anything. Given many solutions, he still has not tried out a single one. We know he’s not doing shit outside but I still wish to like him as he was a good father in the past. What should I do
| 1 |
finally choosing to stay single after years of toxicity and self sabotage…
|
finally reached my peak (rock bottom) and am done with the situationships, the leading on, the sabotaging any healthy relationships that come my way.. I don’t love myself. That’s a fact. My ADHD and anxiety, unresolved trauma have ruined my life for too long. I’m tired of being angry at my father. I’m tired of overspending. I’m tired of the credit card debt. I’m tired of being on my phone, the sleepless nights, trying to fit into every friend group I can wiggle myself into. I want to be complete and whole and happy with my own company.. I’m terrified of hanging out along but I’m going to force myself to like it. Healing is lonely, the gym sessions are lonely, staying home on weekends is lonely. But god do I wanna heal so bad. I can’t wait for the right relationship to come along once I do.. I hired a trainer, started last week. I’m eating healthier in whichever small way I can. I’m sleeping more. I’m using my phone less at work. anything I can to make myself better.
| 10 |
It can get lonely sometimes
|
One thing about deciding and taking action to be better is that it can get lonely at times. I dont even know if loneliness is the word. Today I would describe it as empty but overwhelmed.
I am 3 weeks in a fitness and diet routine thats getting me good results, 3 weeks of sobriety (no more alcohol, cig, weed even tho I would say I was more of a social user), 3 weeks of reading books that help me dive deep into my emotions and unhealed trauma, 3 weeks of following thru the convos and to dos with my therapist, 3 weeks of honestly just being mostly on my own to process a lot of things that happened and plan my life intentionally.
But damn I am spent today. I know ill have these days where the push to slip back and rely on things that gives me instant dopamine boost will be more intense. I am fighting back. I didnt go get my previous fix of alcohol, sugar or weed. I am proud of myself. But i am definitely struggling right now. I know it will pass. I will let this pass by me.
I think I am also feeling getting better can be a lonely ride. I have to turn down hangout thats in a pub or dance parties at the bar. I turn them down without hesitation now. Friday and weekend nights can be the worst. During the day I am alright because I go workout and play sports with folks. I know I maybe need to find more sober friends and community here. Part of me wants to connect more, but part of me still is afraid and still hurting from a seemingly great connection (like the kind where I felt home with someone) that turned south. Now i am just rambling. I just need to get this off my chest.
Now I gotta pick my butt off the couch and jump on a cold shower. I will let this emotion pass by me.
| 5 |
How to solve my self esteem?
|
Things I noticed in my self :
\- Instagram
\- Facebook
\- Lack of direction or clarity: Without clear goals or a sense of purpose,
\- Fear of failure
\- Negative mindset
\- Lack of self discipline
\- Lack of skills
\- Low self-esteem
| 1 |
I dumped out the last of my alcohol today
|
I've been a moderate drinker for awhile with some nights being worse than others. But this morning I woke up feeling exhausted. Now I did have a few drinks the night before, but I didn't feel a hangover. However, I sat and thought about it and realized that the drinks have been tearing apart my sleep, and really my life... I don't want that anymore. I only had a bottle of vodka about half full, but I dumped it when I got home today. I don't want the increased toll on my body, lack of sleep, depression, etc. anymore.
| 267 |
How to start taking initiative around the house?
|
How do I see things before they need to be addressed? I do a few of the daily tasks, but I can't grasp how to take initiative on other things.
| 2 |
Self-Discipline
|
Suggestions on how to implement self-discipline? I lack it in everything: food, drugs (in recovery now), school, work, parenting, sleep, spending habits.. the list goes on. I have no idea where to start and google results aren’t helpful to me.
| 2 |
Can’t afford for therapy so what’s next best thing I can do for my mental health
|
heard that going therapy for people who don’t have a stable mental health is good for healing and stuff but I don’t got the bills to do that
So like what can i do help with my mental health, i know my mental health is not healthy so
I heard writing ur thoughts and feels are good
| 36 |
Getting far too anxious over texting a girl
|
Hi everyone, I (23m) have been on my first date in five years last tuesday with a girl I met on my classes, and it was a great night! We had a great time and even talked about going out more later, we haven't kissed yet but it's all really sweet so far.
Things have been going pretty natural so far, and then out of a sudden I got pretty anxious last Friday. And when I say anxious I **really** mean it. Suddenly I started overthinking things like "maybe I'm texting too much, I think I'm bothering her" or "I gotta get a second date fast otherwise she'll lose interest" and "she didn't really sent me anything, am I doing something wrong?". I think I had a panic attack on saturday over this, thinking that I was texting too much.
I feel so silly and pathetic, because I know that things are actually going well and that we're getting along and having fun. I know that she's talking back, and that she's a bit shy too but we're connecting more and more. And I know that I have charisma, I ain't bad looking and that I can make her laugh. Still I get these panic attacks out of nowhere when chatting through text, I hate myself for it cause it mines my self confidence. And it really is only over texting...
What can I do to work around that? How can I stop overthinking this so much? Do you guys have any tips or habits that I can build to overcome it?
| 16 |
Delivery food is a detrimental social activity
|
I’m done ordering delivery food at home. The only benefit to me is convenience.
Negatives include unhealthy, costly, stressful when order is wrong or missing, CO2 omissions from delivery.
| 10 |
Working to not hate running
|
I lost 100 pounds after having a baby in 2021, with my main source of exercise being lifting weights, and for the first time in my life I realized it’s not painful to run anymore. But I’ve never had actual experience running consistently, and every time I tried in the past I felt like I was dying. I’m 27 and I’ve never ran an entire mile without walking, which just feels embarrassing to me. I started one of those “couch to 10k” programs that I’ll be working through for the next 12 weeks, and day one went surprisingly smoothly!
| 5 |
being messy/disorganized
|
I (21F) have always been messy/disorganized. My room has been a complete mess for over a year, and when I was in school from 7th-12th grade my locker was ALWAYS a horrible mess. I try to clean but it always ends up messy again. Any viable tips for someone who is just naturally messy so I can at least be more tidy/organized? It’s at the point of dysfunction so any help is appreciated!
| 9 |
Books or advice about "feeling like I need attention"
|
Hey there I'm going through some life changes and recently come to the hard truth that I often feel like I "need attention or outside validation", I no longer wish to be this and and would love some books or advice about this train of thinking and how to get rid of it.
| 2 |
Recommend books for self improvement
|
I've trouble with my personality. I'm currently 25 but still feels to make fun in every situation and this might not be a good as I'm working in one of the top companies of the world.
Background:
I'm highly skilled in the domain I work, but due to my childhood traumas I decided to keep all my darkness behind my smile, and eventually I developed a wrong personality.
| 1 |
General Discussion Thread — July 10 – July 16
|
Feel free to share any and all requests, success stories, or other thoughts you feel are helpful to others.
Please be mindful of rules 1 and 2 while posting.
Rule 1: Be civil/respectful
>Be civil and respectful. This is a support site. Be kind to one another. Harassment is a insta-ban, so think twice before engaging in any. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Rule 2: Stay on topic
>All posts must be about getting better. This means all posts must either be direct requests for advice, sharing advice, or sharing progress. Your submission may be removed if the advice you are sharing or requesting is not clear enough, or if your post lacks any potential to benefit another person.
| 1 |
Which small change or daily habit helped you the most?
|
Organizing your closet? Taking a walk every morning? Drinking more water? What helped you feel like you had your ducks in a row?
| 21 |
Small specific habits to increase sense of self-worth and be more securely attached?
|
I've recently downloaded a habit tracking app to build good habits to improve my health, i.e., did i exercise today, how much water did i drink today, did i read, etc.
Then i realised i could do the same for my psych issues as well! I get overwhelmed easily and years of depression and anxiety have completely destroyed my mental health. Thankfully my mood has been pretty steady for the past half year or so and i think now is a good time to work on my deeper issues.
So yeah. What are some small and specific habits would you suggest for building up self-worth and to also be more securely attached (esp in context of dating)? It can be separate habits or not. thank you!
Edit: spelling
| 9 |
Accepting Criticism
|
I am currently looking for a trauma therapist to help me as well, but for now…
I really struggle to accept criticism. Any critique of what I’m doing upsets me. It’s not intentional — but it IS affecting my relationship with my partner.
Does anyone have advice on how to stay calm during these moments, or how to feel more okay with myself? I easily slip into a mental pattern that I am “bad” or a bad person for even messing up enough to “need” the criticism.
Thank you !!
| 4 |
Hey what's up guys👋
|
I hope u all r doin well so I'm here to tell u that this week I'm going to upload a vid abut "HOW TO DRAW" those key points that I wish I knew when i was a beginner. If u r interested and want to learn then i'm here to help u in quick way. 🖤 YT LINK IS ON MY BIO....Thank u! YT LINK IS ON MY BIO....Thank u!
| 0 |
How to spend less time on my phone and more doing actual things I like?
|
I put an app limit on some like TikTok but I just ignore it. What are some actual good tips to pull me out of this social media frenzy and put down my phone??
| 1 |
How to move past an unknown trauma that gives debilitating symptoms
|
More than a decade long history of dissociation and absence of libido. After running a bunch of physical tests I am now convinced that my symptoms (brain fog, mental block, anorgasmia, anejaculation, fatigue) are psychological in nature, not that I haven't been to a psychologist or tried a few meds my doc gave me in vain. I want to try psychotherapy again but I don't know what to talk about because I am not aware of any past traumas and I don't want to rehash my trivial childhood memories like I did with my last shrink only to hit a dead end and call it a day. My only incentive in trying again is my inability to overcome this mental block on my own. I am male, 27 by the way. Help and advice are most welcome!
| 3 |
I’ve made some mistakes and I hate myself for them, how can I be better.
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Basically the title, I don’t really want to delve in to them, but what are some good things I can do.
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I saw a prostitute one year ago, I feel horrible
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One year ago, I had a lot of curiosity on what would it be like to have an experience with a prostitute.
I live in germany and since it is legal I thought "why not?"
I knew about sex trafficking, but because its legal and regulated here, I thought that it must be okay to try it here. Nontheless, I still looked for a girl who I would contact directly and talk to her, who only wanted sex/oral sex strictly with a condom, was definitely older (30-40) and who spoke german fluently.
I wanted it to be something nice, not picking someone off the streets or going to a brothel. I went to different websites where girls would advertise themselves. I found one I liked and texted her.
After some talking, we decided to meet for half an hour, everything with protection . It was a nice woman, good to talk to and the experience was okay but I didnt really like it much so I didnt want to do it again.
Afterwards I started to feel like I crossed a line and the feelings of guilt started to swarm me. For three days I couldnt eat properly and felt horrible.
Talking to friends helped me, specially female friends to tell me that I didnt do anything wrong and that its okay. After some months I started feeling good again, but it was still in the back of my mind sometimes .
3 days ago I woke up feeling bad about it again, without any reason or trigger. I started to think again about sex trafficking, and the chance of her being forced to do this. Started reading on reddit which probably made the feelings worse because with what I read, I came to this conclusion:
*If I cant 100% sure know if she was forced or not, it is definitely a huge immoral act from my part*
I thought that if its legal, it should be okay to try it, specially if its somebody who only does it with protection (even oral) and its not somebody off the streets or a brothel.
But I now think that all those things do not matter, I still can not know for 100% if she is trafficked or not.
Ever since then I have been feeling horrible and cant enjoy anything. I just feel like a horrible person, completely empty. I feel as if I was a rapist, and its eating me from the inside. I dont know what to do.
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A cannot for the life of me wake up on time. Any help appreciated!
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Things I've tried:
* Alarm on the other side of the room
* Light turn on at the same time as alarm
* Fan turn off at the same time as alarm
* Barcode in a totally other room that I have to scan to turn my alarm off
I just can't seem to get up on time. It's really negatively effecting my life. Any ideas? Thanks!
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How do I accept loneliness?
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I’m 25 years old. Female. Working full time.
Romantic life:
Never dated. I’ve only had one guy ever tell me he had feelings for me but he only liked me out of loneliness.
I’ve fallen in love with someone but it was over the internet — once he saw my face he decided things were over.
I am overweight not attractive and sometimes I view myself to be the most unattractive person to ever exist. Call that narcissism but it’s what I feel. I’m sure after he left that definitely only re-further validated my insecurities. But after having a lot of male friends and seeing how they only aim for the physical value and then care for personality I’ve accepted I don’t think a man will ever choose me for me and my looks.
Family life:
One sister two brothers all married and parents are busy with their grandkids
I do not get along with any of my siblings
And I feel like a stranger in my own family
The more I try to talk to them about how I feel the more stranger like they become to me
Friend life:
I have one good friend but he’s super popular and busy all the time — which is okay because honestly he’s good to have around for experiences but can’t really get excited when we hangout — I have friends but they’re all just temporary — like if they stay then cool if they leave then cool I understand people come and go so I try not to hold too much meaning to friendships, I think when people leave I’m just using people to masquerade my loneliness which I hate. I never want to use people out of loneliness and connect with people out of loneliness.
Work life:
Coworkers I joke with but even at work I notice everyone hangs with each other and I end up alone
I struggle to connect I feel like even though my coworker constantly tells me no one hates me and loves being around me no one actually wants to talk to me and create a friendship
I’ve been working on self love for years. I once in the past accepted my suffering and freed myself and viewed everything as a gift and was just grateful to exist and experience but overtime I think I became greedy as I experienced things and wanted to keep the taste of things I had experienced.
What I failed to realize everything is fleeting and it’s okay for things to end.
What I’m struggling with now is I have hobbies I enjoy but none I’m passionate about.
Im working out to lose weight down 30 pounds
But currently unmotivated
Exploring hobbies even though none make me feel passionate
I go to work full time
One good friend
Toxic family life
No romance
I find myself getting seriously attached to anyone who hits the feeling of family,friend,and romance which is not healthy for any friendship or romantic situation.
I’m currently attached to a man who has no interest in me. He stopped picking up calls and answering texts but that’s because he has more things in his life he finds value in whereas me hanging with him is better than anything. This is not healthy I am aware. He is probably a distraction from loneliness. Today I sit here and just realize I have no one and I’ll probably have no one at the end.
Bold statement to make as I don’t know how life unfolds. But history tells me I’m meant for loneliness. There are some things worse than death and I believe that’s loneliness.
It’s sad how unmotivated I become when no one gives me attention and loves me, I probably don’t enjoy my hobbies fully because I’m too people driven. Attached out of low self esteem and fear of abandonment.
I want to accept my loneliness so I don’t get attached and do things out of loneliness. I also still want to be able to love regardless of rejection on all levels.
How can I accept my loneliness?
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