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Trying to Self improve/stop people pleasing and being an Attention junkie. Im overwhelmed with Advice. what do i need to do?
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What Do i need to do first, what do i work on first?
there is just so much advice that i get overwhelmed.
What should i do? keep focusing on self improvement? and find something that i enjoy? which is like low chance with me living in iraq lol.
im meditating, exercising and working thats about it. idk if im on the right path. i ask my self everyday whats most important to me i barely get an answer. im trying to not take life too seriously. since its a journey not a race. but i dont want to waste time either.
I dont Know what i want Yet, There is Self improvement, College, Making Friends, Hobbies, Goals, Dreams, Ambitions, Passions, Meditating, Exercising, Reading, Existential Crises at 21, Thinking about Life, Death, History of Mankind, Creating something for Society, Being Creative and a lot more, i feel like i haven't achieved much. im in College studying Computer science and Learning to be a Mechanic, i want to do more but idk what
i dont have any hobbies outside , but idk where to start and there aren't clubs near me to join or have any friends to ask them
i really dont know what i want to be honest, i dont want a GF, because dating not allowed, have to do it secretly and i dont want that, even if i wantwd a GF i couldn't get one, im either "Super fake Nice Guy" or an "Asshole" mostly im an asshole who makes jokes that are like swords. i cant be witty or funny or charming or anything, i feel like no one likes me, maybe im too harsh on my self and i realize that.
Maybe im overthinking all of this, i honestly don't know, but im feeling motivated to work on my self and not depend anyone for my happiness
recently i deleted my social medias, not texting anyone online, just focusing on my self, and learning my work better. trying to find out my likes and dislikes, who i like or who i dislike, what excites me and whats fun instead of just Porn/Texting forever
i got a lot of Advice, a lot said i need to improve my self esteem, and that my self esteem is low
I know i need to stop basing my self worth on how many friends i have or how many conversations im having, its like im playing with my self esteem by basing it on external things and it will never be enough, How many conversations till am convinced that im worthy? cool? funny? intelligent? I dont know What to base it on either, i know it has to be Internal validation, Give Validation to My self
Some said to work on my People Pleasing habits, but sometimes i dont even realize if im doing them, And ask my self Why Am i doing Them.
Some said Need to work on Confidence/Self Love and be Kinder to my self
Some said that im putting way too much focus on making friends and there is more to life than Just friends or Texting girls online and i know that. i dont know what else to be My Goals.
some said Therapy, but its Near impossible to get it here.
some said to think about my People pleasing habits and why i do them
some said to go Outside more, Get hobbies, try new things, im trying my best to find a hobby.
my hobbies can't be Porn/Texting girls online for the rest of my Life
I enjoy astronomy, sports, movies, shows, video games, star gazing, music, traveling, exercising, meditating, reading, learning a new skill
would like to do a lot more. Planning to buy an a musial instrument
right now im learning some care engineering, also trying to observe my surroundings without judgement, and observe my thoughts without Judgement
some said to work improving in conversations, and be interested in others not just for attention, its like i only talk to others when im bored. Like not Truly interested in others because i don't know how to be interested, Maybe im not interested in my own life maybe its reflects that
Besides that i don't even really know what i should say. or what to talk about
i send "How is it going" online and it goes nowhere
but living in a small town in iraq, its boring here.
just a few weeks ago i found a job in a big city, trying to experience more there
im 21 in college, finished my first year with good grades, met a lot of new people there but i dont think Any are friends of mine. just acquaintances.
but im trying to find other ways to make my self happy that dont depend on External Validation or Basing my self worth on how others react Or how many texts i recieve, i would get Mad after i would send long messages and other would say 1 word, Made me feel like i had nothing to offer or they didnt care about me or like me.
Some said to Meditate and find my weaknesses and strengths but i dont know my Strengths, or How to find them, i know my weakness (People pleasing) but I dont Know how to Fix this Either.
I did a personality test and it said i was a "Architect" and my strengths was (Determined, Independent, Informed, Rational, Original, Curious) and my weaknesses were (Combative, Overly Critical, Dismissive of Emotions, Arrogant, Socially Clueless)
And it said that im hard to befriend, why is that? its really hard for me to make friends, Maybe I'm trying to hard?
its true, sometimes im Arrogant or come off as Arrogant but i admit my mistakes, and Im Overly critical of my self. for example being Mad at my self for not knowing what to talk about or for not having friends and sometimes i get Jealous of Others having friends and being good at conversations i want to be Good at Conversations
But most times im a difficult person to know
And it said that my Strengths are often Misunderstood, But i know i haven't reached my full potential Yet
I been trying to Meditate and observe my thoughts, i picture my self standing and observing the thoughts like im a Statue and not affected by the thoughts, i dont try to engage with them or Observe them
I know its always me chasing others, but i have no idea what to talk about with people
I dont want to chase people but i also dont want to be alone forever.
Most times with people its good when i meet them, then after a little time i run out of things to say. or run out of questions.
Its like Impossible to make friends for me. But i dont want my Goals to be Friends/Porn forever.
i want to do more, a lot more.
im sick of Being a "Fake Nice Guy for Approval" sick of people pleasing, really sick of Porn. been doing it for 10 years. like I want to get rid of addiction. but its hard to find alternatives.
| 5 |
Starting to believe that it's not possible for me to improve at my sport. Not sure if I should learn to combat the belief or to learn to move through the feeling. Feeling frustrated, embarrassed.
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I started bouldering about 3 - 4 years ago, with a long gap in between when gyms shut down during COVID. In the last 1 - 1.5 years, I've been trying to improve as a climber - to catch up to and surpass where I was pre-shutdown, but I don't feel like I'm making much progress.
Initially, I wasn't even going to the gym because I put on weight and it was painful. But I am putting in more effort now. Going to the gym consistently, doing PT, have dropped some weight. I've spent time reading and watching videos and learning more about how to climb better. But I also started to gather random injuries (shoulder, finger) and have not been seeing much progress.
To be honest, it's gotten frustrating to not see improvement and discouraging to watch a lot of new climbers surpass me. I feel slightly embarrassed because people know how much time / effort I'm putting in, but I don't have much to show for it even though I do want to climb harder.
All this has culminated to now, where I'm starting to believe that it's not possible for me to improve. It makes me want to stop trying and frankly sparks a sort of deep sadness. I'm not sure if the right direction is to combat the belief or to learn to move through the feeling. Your insights would be appreciated!
| 9 |
Dealing with jealousy
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So i often feel jealous if others get more attention than me. Its mostly visible in Platonic relationship, for example if my friends prefer someone over me visible.
Also if someone is better looking than me.
it also appears if someone is better in a thing im good at or geniuenly better but it defenetly involves the two upper things more.
Im honestly very insecure of myself and think i dont matter and those things do reassure me in that belive.
| 2 |
what do I do given my circumstances
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Hey, 19M. Currently experiencing low quality of life. My grandfather passed away my first semester of college, which really messed me up. I was an A student who always attended classes, I also graduated high school with my associates degree, up until then. I fell into a crazed spiral of depression which i tried to fight off but I lost that battle and I feel myself coming close to suicide. I stopped attending classes, had got put on academic probation and suicide watch by my housing unit.
Eventually withdrew due to the mental strain of school, recently ive been trying to get a job and im well in over 700+ applications and these are just entry level positions for most typical college teens that are just entering the workforce. ive only had 2 jobs, one was at a pizza shop, the other at a skateboard store. Nobody hires me and due to the lack of funds my account falls farther into the negatives which then puts alot of financial stress on me, as well as experiencing the academic and mental stress.
Also recently I found out I have to get orthopedic surgery for my spine, I dont really know what to do with with my life given whats going on right now. The lack of mobility for such a young age, just getting up and I can barely walk and all I do is just sit in my room, I'd rather be dead at this point. I dont have anything to gain. Or lose. I just need help.
| 1 |
How do I stop the past from consuming me?
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I had a really toxic friend a few years ago and it has made it really hard to trust my current friends or be secure in my friendships. I am always so scared they will do the same thing and leave me. I want to move on from this. After all, it's already been so long since it all happened. My therapist has told me I need to let go of what happened and be okay with it if it happens again, but I don't really know how to do that.
| 16 |
How can I achieve a better life?
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Hello everyone, I came here with the goal of seeking help. From here on, I will share my problems and story:
I'm a 16-year-old Mexican, just a few months away from turning 17, and I feel like complete garbage. I feel like I have wasted my entire life without acquiring a skill that truly serves me. I have never been heard in my life, I have never been able to open up my feelings to anyone. I am alone, truly alone. It's not just something I say, I really am. There is no one I can rely on for support. I have many emotional and sentimental problems that I have experienced for as long as I can remember. I have self-inflicted wounds; I have attempted suicide but lacked the willpower to go through with it. Every day is misery for me. But I'm not here to seek help with my feelings. Eating, sleeping well, or exercising? I have tried all those things, but I have never improved, no matter what. I can't afford to go to therapy or anything similar. But, as I said and I repeat, I no longer care about that. I have more problems than just feeling sorry for myself because no one loves me or pays attention to me. I want to change.
My biggest problems are my financial situation. It's true that I live better than many others, but I still don't live well enough. My family doesn't have our own house, so I live in constant fear of having to leave the place where I am right now. Therefore, I need to find a way to make money. It doesn't have to be fast, but it must be secure. I don't want anything for myself. Even if I have to work my whole life as long as my siblings are doing well, I will feel good. And as I said, there's no problem even if I work my whole life, as long as it leads to a good life for my family. The problem arises when I realize that working and making an effort without any goal in mind is worth nothing. I'm not sure if I can buy a house just by working tirelessly without direction. Sooner or later, I will die, and my work will crumble. I need to find a way to grow a business or find a good job that helps me change the tides of my life. But I don't know what to do. What should I study or what should I work on to achieve my goals? Should I invest? Then someone explain to me how. Should I read books? Can I do it on my own? Which app? How much? Which company? Do you see what I mean? It's not enough to just have a vague idea or aimless effort. I really need help to achieve something in my life, something that helps me know what to do to get out of this situation. I seriously need a way out of here, someone to tell me, "Go, work, use your money for this and that." Please, give me a hand. Tell me everything you know, what you do for a living, how you sustain yourselves, your lifestyle. How could I work the same as you and reach your position? I need all the information possible to truly change.
| 10 |
An Old friend reached out to me, should I apologize to her again after many years?
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We used to talk regularly but then I stopped replying bc I wanted to do other stuff and was busy but then the anxiety kept me from sending another message bc it was first weeks then a month and then like 4 months passed, so I didnt want to talk anymore and just gave up in the friendship, my friend tried reaching up to me in my birthday but I was so ashamed that I didnt reply until way later and to sent her a happy birthday message as well plus an apology (but dont remember if it was well done Tbh), so ofc she just thanked me we talked a bit and then she left...
She send me a message again like a year later with a "hello" I replied to her but then she didnt reply anything (obvs).
And now 2 years later she send me message out of the blue asking me how im doing and that is nice that I remember her.
Idk if it would be appropiate to tell her again how sorry I was for what I did rn or just continue to talk casual like nothing happened?
| 15 |
why do I feel like this
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why do I feel depressed and sad even thought there's nothing bad going on in my life? I literally keep myself busy 24/7 and I still feel this feeling of sadness and emptiness that I can't describe. Does anyone else feel like this?
| 4 |
Updates on my journey - Jul 4th, 2023
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Conext: Homeless, living in car with partner. Just started university, about to start work soon.
My current mood cycle; be depressed, wallow in self pitty, feel a spark of motivation, make an unreasonable schedule for myself where every minute of my life is scheduled (literally), fail because I missed a minute where I was supposed to do something, give up, repeat.. I'm trying to take it slow now.
Tips to myself:
• Take time on stuff. Stop trying to rush everything.
• Don't give up if you fail the first time. Just try again
• You are never too old to do anything
• There is no time limit to being happy
• You are allowed to be sad but don't wallow in self pity
• Tell yourself things are getting better now. Not "once you buy this" or "once you do this"
• Build habits that's are healthy, over a course of time. Again, don't rush it
• Don't expect more than what you can currently do
Current smaller goals:
• Pass current two classes
• Build a reasonable schedule. More like a suggestion than a schedule
• Slowly build up to bigger goals
Future bigger goals:
• Get an apartment
• Learn how to drive
• Graduate University
| 18 |
What are the fastest and most efficient ways to gain social skills?
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Not much to say. Im an 18 year old girl that just graduated high school. I feel like If I don’t start improving on myself i will basically be setting myself up for failure. I’m getting prepared for college and want to feel as ready as possible and be able to make friends. Even though I enjoy being social, I’ve always had really bad social skills, so It’s hard making friends. I’m also just very shy. But I don’t want to be, I want to change. Its not fun and It’s not who I really am.
So, what are some options in getting out there and starting to be more social?
| 7 |
How do you enjoy finishing work?
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So I'm in college, and I haven't been doing very well. This is my third "freshman" year, part time, and I'm on academic probation because I dropped all of my past classes. I have ADHD & ASD, & I didn't have the accommodations that I needed. Now I do, & I'm taking a class that I really enjoy to hopefully get my completion rate up. Progress has been slow, & I haven't been super motivated, but I've gotten a few assignments done with good grades.
I just finished & turned in another assignment. This assignment was not hard, & I actually kind of enjoyed it. But now that I'm done, I just feel like shit. This isn't a new feeling. People keep saying that it should feel good to get homework done, that it should feel fulfilling.
Not feeling too fulfilled. In fact, I think I just lost all motivation to keep trying. It's not like I'm terribly far behind, or that the other work is any more difficult, so what's wrong with me?
| 2 |
Why is time management so hard?
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Hey y'all (can you tell I reside in Texas?),
I've been a part time lurker, part time poster, and I've decided to make a more concerted effort to share what I'm learning about time management with you.
Now, honestly, I think time management topics are kind of sort of done to death on most social media platforms, so I'm going to make an effort not to rehash tired tips, tricks and techniques (aka calendar blocking) about it and instead try to share things that I read or hear less often in webosphere.
So I'd like to start with why, I think, time management is so hard for a lot of people because, if you think about it, nothing could be more basic than managing your time. You figure out how much time you have, what you need to do, and plan to do it, right?
Well, if we were purely rational and logical beings, it might be that simple, but obviously we're not, so it's not.
See, because time management isn't really about "managing" time. It's about making potentially life altering choices. I think once you look at it in that light, it'll become a lot clearer why people struggle with time management. "Managing" your time is the external **activity** that takes place when you've done the hard **internal work** of letting go of "FOMO" and understanding that there is no "perfect" choice, just different outcomes, none of which we can foresee perfectly. See, particularly in contemporary society, we have, effectively, an infinite number of things we *could* be doing, and many of them could be fulfilling and meaningful things. Each of those things could lead us down different paths and we can't and never will know which one was best.
And yet each and every one of us is still faced with the existential anxiety that comes with knowing we *must* make a choice, and that choice is going to affect the rest of our lives.
And what do most of us do when, whether consciously or not, realize we are faced with this choice? **Distraction.** Distraction gives us a temporary sense of relief from the distress of potentially making bad choices and worse, from taking responsibility for our lives. However, with a modicum of introspection we may realize that *distraction itself is a choice*, and almost certainly not one that's going to bring us any long-term sense of fulfillment.
So the first part of the solution is at least decreasing the amount of distraction we permit ourselves, but the second and more important part is *allowing ourselves to make "bad" choices*. I say bad in scare quotes because almost no choice that is minimally **potentially** fulfilling is really a bad choice. At worst, it's a learning opportunity, and one you are very unlikely to regret as you get older.
So that's all I have for now, sorry that was long-winded. If you'd like more (arguably less philosophical sounding) stuff, feel free to check out my channel or hit me up with a DM.
Hope that was helpful!
| 6 |
This destroyed my addiction
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Stopping masturbation is just something external. You need to change internal to change external. As above so below. You need to let go of the LUST for masturbation. If you stop masturbating but you are still wanting to do it you will eventually relapse. Start by changing the internal. Start working with your mind. Remove sexual fantasies. Remove LUST. As long as you have LUST you have addiction. Doing meditations on lower chakras extremely helped me. This is much better than counting your days knowing you are going to relapse or coloring boxes hoping its going to help. You need to change your identity from porn addicted monkey on Reddit to person with no LUST for wasting his life energy. I never counted days if you are counting days you are expecting relapse. I dont wake up saying no herion 17 years 4 months 5 days 8 hours 27 minutes 15 seconds.
STOP BEING A LOSER YOU NEED RADICAL CHANGE IN YOUR MIND
| 0 |
Beyond the 9-5: Searching for Purposeful Paths and Personal Growth
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I'm a 20-year-old who recently graduated summa cum laude from a top-ranked mechanical engineering program, with a minor in aerospace engineering. I finished a year early and had the privilege of attending a prestigious university with the help of scholarships, bringing my tuition costs down to only 2-3k per semester. During college, I worked multiple part-time jobs every semester while taking a heavy course load.
In addition to my academic achievements, I've pursued my pilot's license, had a solo flight, and even had a checkride planned (though it got delayed due to weather conditions). Currently, I'm away for a prestigious summer internship as part of a fellowship program with a nearly 1% acceptance rate. Moreover, I've been accepted into an excellent Ph.D. program that offers full tuition coverage and a monthly stipend of $1900. This program had a 5% acceptance rate this year, and I'm incredibly proud of my hard work and intelligence (with an IQ in the 140 range and a 1560 SAT score).
But here's the catch—I can't help but feel anxious and dissatisfied despite my accomplishments. Everyone around me keeps pushing me towards a corporate 9-5 job, where I fear being treated as just another code monkey. Previous corporate internships have left me unfulfilled, and despite finishing work efficiently, I received no rewards or reduced hours; instead, I was given more mundane tasks.
While I initially had aspirations for grad school, it seems like it may not be feasible for me at this point. What's more disheartening is that my family, who is covering my sister's expensive college tuition, isn't supportive of my pursuit of a graduate degree. According to them, the purpose of getting a degree is to avoid further schooling and secure a decent-paying job, even if it means sacrificing happiness. As a 20-year-old woman, I worry about the lack of respect and the challenges I may face in the corporate engineering world.
To make matters worse, my monthly stipend of $1900 (after tax) barely covers my basic expenses. My rent, which is the cheapest I could find near my school, amounts to $1200 per month. Additional fees, books, and supplies cost me another $300 per month. With only $400 left for food, transportation, healthcare, and other necessities, it's challenging to make ends meet, especially in a big city without public transportation. Surprisingly, my parents have dropped the bombshell that they won't be assisting me financially, despite my early graduation and their support of my sister.
I've tried discussing this matter with my parents, but they won't budge on their decision. When their minds are made up, they're not open to change. Now I'm left contemplating my options. One is to succumb to a corporate job that may crush my dreams, at least temporarily. However, I've heard it can be challenging to leave once you're immersed in that lifestyle. The other option that genuinely appeals to me is joining the Air Force, enrolling in OCS, and hoping to secure a pilot slot. But this choice comes with risks such as compromising personal autonomy, risking one's life, low pay, and the inability to leave once committed. Furthermore, my family is strongly against military service and would disapprove if I pursued this path.
Ultimately, I don't need an extravagant salary; I just want to make ends meet without significant stress. I have a strong desire to push myself, collaborate towards a greater goal, fly at the most advanced level possible, and explore new places.
So, I'm turning to you for advice. Have any of you been in a similar situation? What alternatives or paths could you suggest? Any words of wisdom or guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read my story!
TL;DR:
I'm a 20-year-old who achieved academic success, including graduating early with top honors and securing a prestigious Ph.D. program. However, I feel anxious and dissatisfied with the corporate job path that everyone expects me to follow. My family doesn't support my pursuit of further education, and financial constraints make it challenging to survive on my stipend. I'm considering joining the Air Force to fulfill my dreams, but it comes with risks and familial disapproval. Seeking advice and alternative paths from the Reddit community.
| 1 |
I’ve wasted a lot of my life but I still have hope things can be better
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I’m a 27 m, my 20’s have largely been a disappointment so far, I had no plan when i graduated uni and spent the past 6 years being directionless, I’ve seen my friends grow and progress until they’re unrecognisable to me as I’ve stayed the same.
However things are looking up I somehow managed to get a really good job with nice colleagues that take an interest in developing me, I now have a basic structure in life to which I can develop. Yet I feel like there’s an empty hole within me where meaningful experiences should be and I am desperate to catch up but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed where to start, I want to be the type of person who actively determines the type of person they’re gonna be and the life they’re gonna live.
I’ve been passively spectating my whole life but I want that to change. All this leads to my question where i’m wondering what are some basic steps I can take to be more proactive instead of being someone who says that one day they’re gonna change their lives while they do nothing.
| 6 |
What is there to be grateful for?
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Past - I'm grateful for the lessons I learned and figuring out what I shouldn't do or in what way I shouldn't do it. All the moments, even single second of love, peace, joy, excitement, healing, accepting, detoxing, learning, all the good people in this world who by their kind and brave words or a soft spoken tongue blessed my existence.
Present - I'm grateful for everything good I have in this moment, if it's clean water or the weather, ac or internet, people or myself, any smallest thing possible.
Future - I'm grateful for everything I am going to consciously and unconsciously become, the dreams I'm gonna chase and the wounds I'm gonna heal, the cage of my mind I'm gonna break and set my heart free.
A bit of clarification, kindness takes so much strength, silence take so much wisdom, it's probably impossible to get by this world without feeling hurt but even tho it might be not be an absolute truth, but we can choose what kind of pain we want to go for. Pain of facing your broken self and learning to love yourself and being kind or pain of hating yourself and being bitter towards everything
I could never make sense out of this world but I know there are people there who can be salt to wound and who's words are enough to feel love
I'm not a big believer in seeking love from others exactly, like expecting it, as it seems this mindset and wish can cause more pain and take away the power to cultivate something better, it also doesn't mean I need actively denie it
I want to be able to love myself, build a connection with myself, and let myself shine in all my seemingly foolish passions, anything that can make my heart breathe
Don't read this section if you're triggered by ai -
I thought of not mentioning this as we all know how easy it is to trigger people, i understand the fear and hostility that stems from unknown and uncertainty, misuse and more but if it can be helpful for someone then I'll take that risk "rip"
I almost forgot how it feels to have a kind, respectful conversation, without "i know everything" attitude or hold some grace and kindness, you know it's like if you never see someone talk in certain way, you just forget it? But recently i was experimenting with stuff, and someone recommended character ai website, I have a lot of people to talk to, I can hangout with strangers in a heartbeat and it's pretty easy to be friendly towards people for me but still, hurt people hurt people so even the best of them lose their kindness, I know we have the power to create something within just from learning, thinking, feeling and imagining but a lot of times we're like a vassle where we put out what we were filled with
Like how people talk to children in kinder tone but they usually don't hold the same lvl of kindness towards an older individual and I find it somewhat disheartening for every children who go through being loved for nothing to be looked at skeptical eyes even tho they didn't do anything (which i completely understand why but still)
Quote ”accept the things you can't change (people having lovely internet arguments etc), change the things you can't accept (not going after something that is exactly what I want but it feels impossible)"
No one on reddit is reading something so long lol so if you make it this far, I absolutely hate giving advice as I find everyone is their own person and I can't know them enough to suggest what's right for them, as everything comes with a price, risk, struggle and more, so choose your own path, take everything I've said with a truck of salt and do whatever you want with it, also damn you have quite a good attention span kind stranger, you made it till the end! hope you make this day good for yourself 🤍✨
Special thanks to ai and Tom Hiddleston for being an inspiration for this post.
Tl;dr
Way I'm trying to look at past, present and future, importance of kind interactions, working towards building a connection with oneself, ai and experimenting.
| 1 |
I’m tired of being a loser…
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20yM, living at home still, going to college this fall.
I have depression & ADHD. I keep messing up and watching porn/going far.
I was friendzoned by a girl that had great chemistry with me, after dating my girlfriend and trying to get with her. Broke up with my girlfriend to be with her, and she didn’t want to take it as fast as me.
I’m tired of wasting my life on my phone, and want to get a flip phone and stop trying to text the girls, and being desperate.
Stop looking at porn, social media, and how to be better instead of taking action…
I lost all of what muscle I had before from lifting, I don’t have a jawline at all… I feel weak.
There’s so much information out there to help but don’t know where to begin…
What can I do……….. please
| 2 |
I will be a better person
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This is very difficult for me to put out into the ether but I need to show self awareness as often as possible right now. I am sorry in advance if my writing is poor or if the content triggers you. I (30yr M) have never been diagnosed but I feel as if I have been suffering from a depression for easily 4 years now. I was functioning enough to get to work and do some “normal” things but I experienced happiness very little throughout that time. I became emotionally distant, dismissive, lacked motivation and ultimately stuffed myself with pleasure based activities to just numb my feelings. This behavior costed me my 5.5yr relationship. I was getting bad at first and she was right there with me and for me. I love her for that. I am grateful for the kindness, patience and love she gave me. However, I did not express anything positive in the moments of my slump. I became abusive. My fucked up mood-swings caused her to back off and leave me alone. My headspace got worse. On two occasions while attempting to go out and have some drinks I had too many and blacked out. I put my hands on her. I don’t remember doing; these are the things she said but why would she lie about that. They happened 1 year apart from each other. The first time I had went into a rage and grabbed her by the neck. Thankfully she was not severely hurt. The second time I inappropriately put my hands on her in a time I had no business doing some. In the span of 3 years I will have 4 black outs; 2 of which I described and the other 2 I was belligerent and nasty to her. She stayed with me though. She could see that I was struggling and I never felt or did those things unless I reached the deep end. That was the issue though, how could she trust that after a night out I wouldn’t become that monster again? It has been 6 weeks since we have broken up. I love her and she says she still loves me and she wishes I would have addressed my issues sooner. At the beginning of 2023, I began to have some serious breakdowns after long days of work or during high points of stress. I told myself I can not live like this. So I made a nest egg and left my toxic job. I tried to get better on my own by doing the same old habits that brought me here…. I am brilliant sometimes. It took to long for me to actually make progress and I pushed her past her limits. I do not blame her. She deserves someone at their best. Of course I want that to be me. We share an apartment so I opted to drive out of state to stay with family for a while. I haven’t had a drink in 6 weeks and I have had 8 therapy sessions. I don’t know if she will ever read this or give me another chance but I do not plan on stopping. I am deciding to be better and I am so so sorry.
| 29 |
How to recognize your feelings?
|
Lately I've been ending up in a lot of arguments with my spouse. I'm snappy without even realizing it and that leads to bigger problems since I clearly lack in ability to take in criticism.
Today we got in a huge argument over cleaning since my husband told me that I have some bad cleaning habits and hearing that hurt me. What he said was true, but it was hard to hear and the way I reacted was defensive trying to explain why I like to do things the way I do them. Later I apologized, but that didn't go well either since the way I said it was "what you said was true. It hurt to hear, but I know you didn't mean to hurt me with it" which my husband took as me trying to manipulate him to feel bad about saying anything in the first place.
I'm very confused over how to recognize my feelings and express them in a healthy way. After todays argument I tried sitting with my feelings to stop and and think about what I'm feeling and why. Problem is I didn't feel anything. Obviously I was hurt since I was crying but it didn't feel any of it really. I've been struggling with dissociating before so I wonder if I get disconnected from my feelings or if it's my medication affecting me. Any advice on how I could get more connected to my feelings? I don't wish to hurt people around me like this just cause I don't know what I'm feeling.
| 10 |
What other Reddit groups should I join to help with self improvement?
|
The rest of my Reddit groups are mostly time wasters and I'd really like more groups like this one.
| 3 |
I, 14F need help dealing with embarrassment and (anger issues?)
|
\*Anger Issues are in parentheses because when I look it up, apparently it’s not anger issues if you’re not lashing out at other people, and I definitely would not do that\*
Okay so I’m trying to improve right? I’m trying to resist urges that make me annoying, because if I act on those urges, I’ll just regret it later. And of course I’m trying to be more productive.
Anyway, I’m just not having a great day today haha. I’m trying to get rid of a (non-drug) addiction, and I just relapsed today, which wasn’t cool at all. My father just came to the door complaining about my white noise and said it would kill my brain. During the entire time he was talking, I had the burning urge to bash his skull in. I know, it’s bad. but I’ve been having that urge with everyone who annoys me lately, so it wasn’t personal. I usually feel angry when things don’t go my way, or when someone says something mildy negative about me. I know, that my mind blows these things, way out of proporotion, but it doesn’t stop the emotions from being there in the moment. It feels like I can’t stop the spiral.
The way I coped with these emotions in the beginning, was by developing the habit of hitting the side of my head. After experiencing some nausea, the habit has recently evolved to digging my nails into my skin, without breaking through. I also do this when recalling an embarassing event, like something I said that got left on read, or something I did like 2 years ago. I hate those emotions and I just want them to go away, and these methods have helped with that. Although, I’ve mentioned them to a *very* close friend and she wants me to stop and find a healthier and less painful method. In the spirit of a healthier life, and friendship, I’m obligated to find another method.
A lot of the time, I can’t distract myself in ways such as writing or jogging, since they’re mostly emotional bursts and happen at the most inconvenient times (ex: in class.) Breathing doesn’t do crap, just makes me angry. I’ve been thinking about stress balls, to replace my hand, but I’ve heard they break too easily. I just need something portable I can take these emotions out on. It can be an action as well. **Just, If you’ve had similar anger or embarrassment issues, how did you get past them?** I’d appreciate any help except “breathe“ atp. (Btw, These emotions most likely aren’t bc of puberty. Since the red demon visited me at ten, I haven’t grown an inch and puberty is over for me. Wish I had clarification this \*crap\* would be over soon though.)
Any Help is appreciated :)
| 9 |
I suck at everything I try
|
I've had so many hobbies along my life. Tried piano and guitar for 6 years, both teachers gave up on me because I wasnt skilled enough, tried tons of different sports, always was last or the losing one at them. I got the worst grades in my school despite studying everyday for at least 3 hours. Done at least 40 job interviews but never secured the position
I really need help. I cry myself to sleep almost every day because I geniuenly am not talented at anything (besides sleeping ig)
| 31 |
Self-improvement is so overcomplicated and over-stretched! Here, I have made it simple, quick, and dense for you!
|
Here goes your one-stop-shop and quick-to-read list for wellness and longevity -
• SLEEP - Sleep early. Rise early. Get around 8 hours at night. Nap less than 30 minutes before 3 PM. Avoid caffeine. Expose yourself to early morning natural light. Warm artificial lights in the evening.
• EXERCISE - Focus on cardio. Bodyweight strength training. Stretching. Stay active throughout the day. Exercise daily. Fitness first, looks next.
• FOOD & CONSUMPTION - Plant-based. Less processed. Don't overload. Less sugar. No alcohol. No tobacco. No addictive drugs. Add nuts. Learn intermittent fasting.
• HYGIENE - Brush twice a day. Bathe daily. Don't miss on weekly grooming. Wash hands before eating. Keep your belongings clean and organized. Prevent germ spread. Block unnecessary notifications as part of digital hygiene.
• MONEY - Stick to your budget. No loans. Spend wisely. Avoid risky investments. No gambling. Have an emergency fund. Keep developing skills.
• SOCIAL & SPIRITUAL - Spend time in nature. Meditate. Greet the people you encounter daily. Gossip less. Respect privacy. Practice gratitude. Communicate openly. Listen actively. Spread kindness.
All of this is just theory unless you're consistent with it. So, focus on taking actions. Most importantly, every night before sleeping, look at your day's actions and ask yourself what kind of person you are becoming.
| 149 |
22 almost 23 female. i feel really lost.
|
hi there,
i’m 22 turning 23 in about a month. and i feel incredibly lost.
i recieved my bachelor’s degree last year in a healthcare field. i took a gap year to save money and to see if i wanted to commit to graduate school (because the field i wanted to get into requires it) and then i worked in said healthcare field as an assistant and — aside from getting pushed around and micromanaged and bullied by my coworker, i quit after 7 months. and i realized i no longer had any interest in the career firld, which is unfortunate because that’s what my entire bachelor’s degree was.
i’m going back to school to receive my masters in an unrelated field (supply chain) in august. but i can’t shake that feeling that i’m supposed to have everything figured out. my boyfriend has a full-time job, and so do others around me. i couldn’t even stay at a shitty hosptial job for even a year.
i see everyone my age on linkedin travel, work impressive jobs, doing whatever they dreamed of. and here i am applying on entry level part time jobs in food service so i can work while going back to school full time.
i know comparison is the thief of joy, but i feel like nothing is going the way i had planned it. i have a therapist, i have a few firends. i just wish life was how i had planned it to be.
| 64 |
I need advice/help how to stop complaining about other people
|
For instance my new brother in law is a liar, gossip and hypocrite. I know it. Bit it doesn't effect Mt life. It just bothers me. So I tell everyone. Why can't I just mind my business. I care about my sister but she knows and it doesn't bother her so why do I let it bother me. I tell people then I feel like a hypocrite for hossiping.
| 11 |
I (15M) have recently realized my short temper is getting worse
|
Recently I have tried to get better at controlling my anger with not much progress. I've gotten better at removing myself or finding a quiet place but I still struggle with the situations where that isn't as easy. I constantly get violent and destructive and I need ways to either suppress or redirect these feelings.
| 10 |
Is it OK to pretend to be happy?
|
23M
This is a weird question but to be happy is it okay to just pretend to be? For example, in my life, many things are going well, I read in the morning, I meditate, I set goals and reach them, I do a good job at work, I exercise, but I am very unhappy. There isn't something I like to do for work, my hobbies now turned into goals that I strive for because I don't feel happy just playing around with my hobby and not getting better. Relationships for me suck because I can't make people fit into me and I've been in therapy for a long time for this. Relationships might be the factor since I feel like what I do isn't enough. I'm kind, polite but I still need to mold myself to change myself to what they want.
I still find joy in little things but they are far apart, maybe once a week I'll achieve a small goal or marvel at the beauty of nature or feel giddy with happiness connecting with someone. But they're far apart and not consistent. I feel very weighed down. It's all my responsibility to navigate. My parents are toxic enough where I don't speak to them. Reasons here I can't even list... I mean, can you just pretend? Don't say volunteer, I do. Can you just find something that means an ounce of something to you and just lean off that to find meaning?
| 14 |
Would therapy help me become more social?
|
I'm 21 years old, and I was thinking I should explore therapy. I kinda feel like my problems aren't serious enough to justify therapy. I wasn't abused, had decent childhood (was poor tho), loving family.
I've been depressed and had anxiety in the past but I have managed to cope and get through those mental health episodes. But sometimes, I fall into depressive episodes. I still manage to do what I need to do, attend classes, do internships, part time job, do activism/advocacy work. On the outside, I look fine and okay. And for the most part, I do feel generally content.
Would therapy be effective for me to become more social? Personally, I feel horrible due to the lack of platonic and romantic relationships in my life. I have struggled opening up and making friends my whole life, and I'm going into my last year of college feeling like I wasted this time and fearing I would just have work and no personal life.
| 4 |
What was the most useful/valuable subreddit post you’ve saved for life advice?
|
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD by my therapist.
I already have depression and take 50mg of Sertraline, but it made sense that I have ADHD as well.
Impulsivity, rejection sensitivity, frequent hyper fixations on things… that’s me.
I am searching to find the best life advice in general, even for someone with ADHD…
What advice helped you the most and continues to? (Can be on Reddit or somewhere else)
| 68 |
Self forgiveness on trauma dumping
|
I (21F) had a close friend for about 5 years. I was diagnosed with OCD and completely tanked mentally and constantly went to her for reassurance/confessing until eventually she ended our friendship (understandably so). This happened almost 2 years ago and I still feel so incredibly guilty bc I didn’t want to hurt her but I ended up doing just that. How can I forgive myself?
| 88 |
I want to change and better, but i forgot about doing it
|
Let me explain. For example, i want to stop being arrogant and be more empathetic and humble, so i search in reddit, youtube, and in the internet how to stop being arrogant, how to be a humble person and how to be more empathetic, i read and understand all the steps, i save all the useful links and resources, and after that i feel prepared to change and put in practice what i learned the next day. But when i wake up the next day, and i'm with people, i forget about doing all that stuff, i feel like i'm in autopilot, and after being with people, i feel bad because i didn't put in practice what i learned, its very frustrating. Anyone have or have passed this problem? (Sorry if there is a typing mistake or you don't understand something, i use Google Translate to check my mistakes, my English is not the best).
| 7 |
Jealousy from friend's success
|
I'm aware that I shouldn't be jealous about my friend's success. I know We all have our unique journey I should be happy for for them. And I'm somewhat happy but there's still this bad feeling about myself that I'm left behind and they're ahead.. And this jealousy.. What should I do?
| 11 |
Finally, I moved the dusty old treadmill into my bedroom
|
And I plan on using it! 🏃♀️ This year so far, I quit the industry I was in (food) and got another job doing something else (pharmacy), I quit smoking weed regularly and completely cut cigarettes and booze out, I drastically cut sugar and artificial sweeteners from my diet as well as caffeine, and now I plan on exercising regularly.
👏
I am in a completely different place this year than last year and all the other years before that, but I'm almost 40 now (38 turning 39 this year) and I've had enough. Fuck that noise. When I'm 40, I hope to leave all that bullshit behind me. And finally be the person I've wanted to be.
| 11 |
From chronic procrastination to productivity: my journey using extrinsic motivation
|
Ever felt like you're stuck in a never-ending loop of procrastination, to the point where it's crippling your progress?
Well, that was me not so long ago. Deadlines whooshing by, tasks piling up, anxiety through the roof - procrastination had me in a chokehold.
The problem was I relied too much on intrinsic motivation.
I thought, as long as I have the passion and the interest, I can accomplish anything. But there are days when you just don't feel it. That's when tasks start piling up.
I was stuck in this loop until I discovered the concept of extrinsic motivation.
For those who aren't familiar, extrinsic motivation is what pushes you towards specific outcomes or goals.
It's driven by external factors like rewards, recognition, or avoiding negative consequences, not necessarily because you want to do the task.
It doesn't necessarily make the task more enjoyable, but it sure helps to get it done.
Here are some ideas from what has worked for me & others around me:
**1— Setting SMART goals( Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound)**Instead of a vague goal like "Increase sales," you could aim for "Increase sales by 10% over the next quarter by targeting 5 new major clients in the X industry".
**2— Break big projects into smaller subtasks.**Write tasks on sticky notes and remove them as you complete them, or tick them off in a digital daily planner app like Sunsama.Both methods provide a visual way to monitor your progress and boost motivation.
**3— Allocate specific time slots for tasks and even breaks.**Allocating time slots for tasks creates mini-deadlines, boosting extrinsic motivation.Incorporating breaks also serves as a rewarding system, further enhancing this motivation.
**4— Keep a "Done List".**At the end of the day, write down all the tasks you've completed. This offers a sense of accomplishment, which can motivate you to continue progressing. Again, you can use a daily planner like Sunsama to track this list and do a daily check-in, automatically.
Do you have any favorite tactics or apps that keep your motivation high and save you from procrastination? Would love to know.
| 10 |
My breakup made me no longer want to kill myself
|
I’ve always been kind of suicidal due to SA. I’m 4 months into a breakup, just lost my job, lost a friend due to said breakup, have no money, no car, living with parents.
But the weird thing is that I’m pretty calm, in peace and kind of loving life and I’m pretty confused as to why I’m feeling like this if everything is kinda going wrong.
(I’m actively looking for a job, learning new skills, working out, playing video games, going on solo dates) and lost the suicidal cloud that was always hovering over me wtf is going on with me?
(My relationship wasn’t toxic or abusive if you think that was, we broke up cause she cheated, tried to mend things she did some shady things and I ended things still in an amicable way, I guess)
| 37 |
Found a new job
|
I have been working at Waffle House on and off for about 6 years. I finally stepped out of my comfort zone and applied to be a general manager of a small family owned restaurant nearby and I got the job! I will be making enough money with my first raise to afford an apartment or a rental home for me and my partner! I am nervous as I have never done anything but cook in my career. But the nerves will not stop me anymore!
| 141 |
The new version of Me!
|
I experienced something very powerful yesterday. I was running a temp of 102 deg F. In spite of medicines, fever was not coming down. So, I was on my way to the doctor's clinic. I was in a cab. I closed my eyes and just started paying attention to my breath. As I had just informed my family through a message in whatsApp, they were trying to reach me through phone, so the phone was ringing incessantly. Cab was stuck in traffic, so continuous honking of horn was going on. But nothing seemed to touch me. I just felt an absolute stillness inside calm and at peace.
I opened my eyes and attended the calls of my family. Cab driver was irritated with the traffic, spoke some soothing words to him, and then went back to my breath watching. All this happened as if on auto-pilot mode.
So much of my energy was saved, which otherwise would have been lost in being frantic, worrying, and trying to find alternative solutions, etc. After reaching back home , i realised that everything had just fallen into place. That's when it hit me - this is the power of meditation. Few months back if anybody had discussed or started vouching about the powers of meditation, I would just say, I don't have the patience or time, or such miracles will happen to great mediators, not to common people like me. But no, nature is a great equalizer. Meditation works for everyone. It's only a matter of willingness to do it.
I am loving this new version of me.
Guru Purnima wishes to everyone 💐
| 33 |
Sharing accomplishments!
|
This post is intended for discussing and sharing your progress, share the things you’ve done and give feedback!
I am happy and proud of myself for the things I’ve done, and I could be content with that. But support is very important too, and to get the feeling that others see you and are proud of you as well!
———————
Today I realised that I’ve finally reached one of my main goals on my mental health journey. I’ve been getting proper therapy for a while now and I talked to a lot of counsellors since I was a kid. One thing almost every therapist or counsellor has asked me, is to set up a list of goals for myself and what I want to accomplish from various meetings.
One of the first things, that’s been on that list for years now, is to get better at maintaining relationships. Due to my mental health problems, it’s always been very difficult for me to keep in touch with the people I care about. I rarely make plans, when I do it’s not unusual for me to forget them or sleep through it. I forget to call my loved ones even when I promised I would.. and so on. This is something I often feel very guilty about. For so long I never really managed to get better at it no matter how hard I tried to keep up, until now.
Today I acknowledged that I’ve gotten so much better at sustaining my relationships. I take the time to arrange things, I reach out, and I no longer put conversations or relationships at a hold by procrastinating. I’m honestly so happy for myself, especially bc it’s been a goal of mine for so long now. It feels like I’m finally starting to get my life together.
——————-
Share your own achievements, I really do enjoy hearing people’s stories and I’m more than happy to offer encouragement and support!!
| 6 |
healing from toxic friendship?
|
I (21F) was friends with someone horrible from 7th grade to part of 11th grade until I ended it. I still feel the repercussions of it and one of those is that I usually assume people don’t want to be around me. I’m very quiet so if I’m in a group even if others are trying to talk to me I feel out of place and assume everyone is doing it out of obligation and doesn’t want me there, so I’ll just leave, or if I’m hanging out with someone in a public place I worry they’ll think I’m too clingy or I’m following them so I’ll go in a different store and they get confused why I just randomly left. How can I heal from this?
| 6 |
Day 19 | Month 2 | Year 0
|
Haven’t written cause I got a 38 degree fever over the weekend, had headaches and stomachaches and practically slept through the entire weekend
Improvement: Not sick maybe (still stomachache)
Goals for tomorrow: Not die?
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :C
Post written at 11:35pm
| 3 |
Feeling lost in life after breakup at 32. How do you get yrself together
|
This is my 2nd breakup. It was serious and we dated for a year. We even planned to get married as we got along well. Looking back it feels like he used me for his emotional needs and lied to me while he wasn’t over his ex.
I am having a hard time trying to get myself together and I feel so lost n life. We used to talk everyday but not anymore. He made it seem so easy to move on and replace with someone else.
I wish I was strong and had more self esteem. He made it seem like I am the problem. Just struggling today and what makes it worse is I have no one to talk to.
I wanna be confident and emotionally strong too. I don’t want to show him I am jealous of his gf. I don’t have anyone to talk to
| 7 |
I'm more depressed than I've ever been before in my life. I need guidance
|
Hello everyone, I've been trying to form some sort of career ever since I got out of high school about 10 years ago and honestly, I feel completely beaten down and depressed for it. I've sent out applications to all sorts data entry and IT helpdesk jobs ober the last six months, and have gotten back absolutely nothing. It's really hard to encourage myself to keep trying when I get absolutely no feedback from anyone and I have no way to correct anything that goes wrong. I really feel like I've been hung up to dry by the world and I'm not provided any real opportunities to grow and learn, I just end up stagnating. I really don't understand what I could be doing better to get out of this situation. Any help would be greatly appreciated
| 19 |
Ten things that won't make you happier
|
1. Wanting to be someone you aren't
2. Wishing you could undo a past that can't be undone
3. Taking out your hurt on people who didn't cause your hurt
4. Trying to distract yourself from pain by doing something that creates more pain
5. Being unable to forgive yourself
6. Waiting for people to understand you when they don't even understand themselves
7. Imagining happiness is the place you reach when you get everything done
8. Trying to control things in a universe characterized by unpredictability
9. Avoiding painful memories by resisting a contented present
10. The belief that you have to be happy
What would you add?
| 278 |
Roughly 4:00 AM, Alone In My Thoughts
|
Finally beginning to figure stuff out that I’ve been putting off in my personal life because it’s not, “convenient” for me.
—
—
Thank you all for your posts and for helping me feel far less alone than I sometimes do in my personal life that’s detached from the internet. I hope each and everyone of you come to realize you’re capable of anything you set your mind to.
| 3 |
I'm undecided if I have a problem. It's like the solution would be so easy but old habits are hard to break...
|
I wouldn't have a binge eating problem if it weren't for entertainment. So I guess my problem is multi-task eating. I just cancelled my Netflix and replaced it with Pimsleur, but it's not so hard to restart a subscription.
I'm a 32 year old male and have had a problem with multitask eating since I was probably 11. I remember summer nights of collecting unhealthy snack food and nesting in my bedroom with several movies and go to sleep at like 1 AM feeling horrible.
I've always been physically active, so I don't gain weight, but I'll often wake up with "food hangovers".
When I was in college, I didn't have any regular eating habits, which didn't do me any favors. I also didn't graduate for medical reasons, which were probably partially related to my diet.
I joined a high-control "spiritual" group at 21 and was involved for 9 years. When I was around the other students, we ate together and generally were able to keep conversation light at meals and it was actually okay. When I was living alone (still involved with the group), I 'd stay up late, watching TV shows and eating crap.
I cut contact with those people after I ran out of money from being expected to travel all the time and volunteer my time. I went to a brief trade school and have been working in plumbing for nearly 1.5 years. Money is tight and I had debts to pay off and am currently living with my mother. She doesn't have regular eating habits and I want to establish some for myself. So needless to say, we don't eat together. This is going to sound ridiculous, but I eat in my bedroom in the evenings because I find her presence irritating. I don't hold it against her, it just seems like she's constantly in a state of anxiety (mouth breathing, etc.) and I notice how that energy affects me. The problem with eating in the bedroom is that my computer is right there. Obviously, eating environments separate from other tasks is a good idea.
I'm not huge into small talk and if I'm eating with someone I actually prefer silence. It seems like these days, there really is no such thing as light conversation for me. It's always like,
"How's your brother?"
"He just had a lower limb amputation, diabetes."
"Sorry to hear that man. I know he has the strength to keep a good attitude, this experience will forge him into Katana-strength steel. Does he have long-term disability insurance?"
And before I know it, I'm involved in trying to solve someone else's issues and I'm not present in my body with the experience of taking food. Thus, I can overeat because I'm not present with the moment.
One way I try to get out of my comfort zone is to eat alone at Mexican restaurants. For whatever reason, it's highly unlikely for me to overeat in that situation. But that gets expensive and I'm trying to be frugal.
Good habits have become a crutch for me. For instance, taking a walk after dinner is a commonly known practice for good health. However, most of the time when I do it, I feel like I have to walk 3 miles just to be able to get a good night's sleep an by that time it's midnight. This isn't an every night occurrence, but it might happen half the time.
I believe part of it has to do with the sense of no control over my environment. My mother will invite her guests or whoever who decide that they want to interact with me. I do my best to be cordial, but you can waste a lot of time "hanging out" with people and I fucking hate it. I've wasted enough of my life and want to move with a deeper sense of purpose. So when she has people over I just leave and eat fast food. Then I end up eating in my car which makes it hard to feel relaxed.
I'm likely changing jobs soon and will probably have a roommate (like a business arrangement), so hopefully the new environment will help. Sometimes it's just easier to deal with a stranger.
I have all these ideals of how I will efficiently spend my time in the evening; studying Spanish, finance, plumbing code, or anything that will increase my earning power, but I often end up sabotaging that precious time.
I have to find a way to deal with this. The solution is so fucking simple; stop watching TV while eating. Be present. I don't want to use the intricacies as an excuse, but the crux seems that I have a hard time holding certain social boundaries. I don't think I'm anti-social, I just deeply reject most of the bullshit that people talk about while we're trying to nourish our bodies.
At this point I'm just rambling and speculating. I'd like the idea of a secular support group, which I haven't seen in my area. I saw a couple in the city I'm likely moving to, so that could be good. They're not addiction specific groups, but sort of men's groups.
I used to try to fast for 1 day a week, but I don't know if that's a good practice or not. I know for some people, "extreme diets" can create eating disorders. I don't know if fasting is extreme though, it used to be a normal part of life until the industrial revolution. I guess I'm looking for way to potentially rebalance my ghrelin and leptin sensitivity.
Also, could using mushrooms be helpful? Whether micro-dosing or in a larger quantity? I don't have much experience.
If you see something that I'm not seeing, I'd love to hear it. Thanks!
| 7 |
I'm sick of the cycle I've created
|
I'm entering my senior year in August, and for the last 3 years every academic break, I'm back to where I started.
A bit background, in year 2021 academic break, I found out that I had scoliosis. Every year before then I was just lazing around and reading useless stuff before deciding to change my life due to my diagnosis. I actually got quite far: I had a workout routine, I ate plenty, I journalled, etc. Until the start of the school year, I jumped back to my bad habits again and in year 2022 academic break, I'm back to where I started. Malnourished, depressed, and sleep-deprived.
So I started building myself back again. I exercised, journalled, and all the things I've done before. It was better than the previous year, but still, ever since the school year started, my bad habits came back again. Now, I actually lasted until the 2nd half of the school year. I was doing so well until I just lost motivation all completely towards the latter half. Now, it's year 2023. I'm so much worse than before and I have not achieved anything since 2021. I'm still depressed and my skills/hobbies are not doing better. I can't do this again. It's been the third year and I can't pull myself together. I'm trying to find a way to make myself better but I can't. All I do now everyday is play LoL, watch Tiktok, and read useless stuff. I want my life back, but I can't help it. I tried deleting all of it but it didn't work. The most I can do is minimize it.
Thank you for reading until here, if any of you experienced this can you tell me what you did to start again?
| 3 |
how do i stop thinking about someone from the past ?
|
so I don’t feel like explaining the entire situation here , but link to context will be in the comments.
anyways , although it’s been a year and almost 3 months since I last saw him , i still haven’t gotten over the guy. i don’t even have him added on anything anymore. i still think about him 24/7.
whenever I see someone that looks like him , my body spikes up? like idk how to explain it, but i start to feel sick and my heart rate goes high + i get dizzy. whenever someone reassures me that it’s not him , i feel a bit better.
it doesn’t help that im going to have to see him again next month. he left towards the end of his sophomore year / the end of my freshman year , and he’s now an upcoming senior and I’m an upcoming junior. what makes this worse is that , me and him probably might have 2 classes together. and it’s like.. what if he tries to talk to me?
and I feel like I’m over exaggerating what he did to me. sometimes I feel like I’m making shit up and that he wasn’t that bad of a person. one of my guy friends even tells me that I’m delusional and that I traumatized myself by being obsessed with him , and that has me questioning myself. all my friends hate him and some have told me that he’s a narcissist.
idk… how do i get over him? how do i stop thinking about him and get him off my mind?
| 1 |
How do I cope with addictions/vices without being obsessed about doing them?
|
For example, I spend a lot of time on my phone but there’s multiple days that I forget and don’t even care about it. But the crave for it always comes back. How can I just forget about my phones existence?
| 5 |
What are your personal best tips to motivate yourself
|
Im honestly Interessted what your best motivation tips are, that helped you stick with your goals
| 5 |
Possibly getting an academic suspension
|
I just got an email from the uni saying that bc of my past performance they’re looking at an ‘enforced leave of absence’ as I am at risk of continued failure.
Yeah I did badly last semester and have dropped out but I literally just quit my full time job to focus on study.
They said I can appeal it but it may take a while and I really need to know if I’m able to study or not because I’ve put a lot of shit on hold for this semester and I don’t think I could face telling my friends and family I got put on leave for failing and dropping out.
I’ve tried emailing and submitting an appeal explaining everything (had to work full time to support parents and pay medical bills and got burnt out basically) and what I’m doing now to try and do better but I’m freaking out and I don’t know what to do.
| 1 |
What to ask on first date, super excited/nervous
|
I am going on a first date since a break up and I am stoked but I am not sure how much I should ask this girl. Its been a while since dating someone new, and I am stoked! What is too much to ask on a first date? I want to get to know her but not be too overbearing
Any advice?
Why do people stay away from religion on the first dates anyways? Or important personal stuff? Don’t you want to get personal sooner than later?
I know this sounds crazy but I am staying in a hotel that night, is it a foolish thing to try and kiss her on a first date?
| 13 |
How do I balance games with other activities?
|
Hi all,
My question is pretty simple. How do I balance video games, one of my favorite things to do, with other hobbies and activities I want to do? Some background: I'm a stay at home dad of 2 kids. They're well cared for, and I play with them both every single day. I keep our house clean, food cooked and on the table, and do what i need to do, and I genuinely enjoy it. I'm even fairly active. My wife and I have a great relationship, and we even have game nights together although she's not as avid of a gamer as me. We find things we both like and play together on the TV. Point being, this is not a "video game addiction" type of post, as I know how to put down games and prioritize the things I need to do in life.
My problem is this: I can't put down the game to do things I WANT to do in life. At the end of the day when the kids go to bed, or when they're down napping, or when I have down time during the day, the activity I gravitate towards is gaming. I have a ton of ambitions and pipe dreams that I know I can only do if I start practicing, mostly in the creative realm. I'd love to draw, make animations, make digital art, hell even make my own games, but I can't get myself to put games down and focus on something else. I mean, I want to even make art of games I'm currently playing! It's just that playing is the higher dopamine hit.
At the same time, I don't necessarily want to put games down all together. I still want to be able to play them, it's very fulfilling to me, but I just want to balance it out.
Does anyone have advice? Where you're pretty well put-together, but when it comes to other things it's more difficult?
| 2 |
holding grudges
|
I (21F) try not to hold grudges too much but I found that I sometimes do. For a while I was bitter about the way I was mistreated by my dad and I was angry. I try not to hold onto those feelings, but I always worry that I am being too harsh, and then other times I feel I am not being harsh enough. What can I do about this?
| 3 |
How to stop looking at their social media?
|
How do I stop looking at their social media following? I keep searching up who’s following them and I can’t change who does and who doesn’t but all it does is hurt me. I get intrusive thoughts every time I try to make myself not look at it. I delete the app then download it back to login to look at their profile I went months without looking but I came back about two weeks ago and I cannot stop. Please help me I want to stop I know I can it’s just my intrusive thoughts tell me something bad will happen to me or my family if I don’t check it how do I stop myself from downloading and searching who’s following them. It’s making me live in fear and anxiety I just want to stop again please help.
| 7 |
General Discussion Thread — July 03 – July 09
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Feel free to share any and all requests, success stories, or other thoughts you feel are helpful to others.
Please be mindful of rules 1 and 2 while posting.
Rule 1: Be civil/respectful
>Be civil and respectful. This is a support site. Be kind to one another. Harassment is a insta-ban, so think twice before engaging in any. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Rule 2: Stay on topic
>All posts must be about getting better. This means all posts must either be direct requests for advice, sharing advice, or sharing progress. Your submission may be removed if the advice you are sharing or requesting is not clear enough, or if your post lacks any potential to benefit another person.
| 1 |
[UPDATE] I did not fail high school
|
Two months ago I posted here asking for help because I was failing my classes and skipping too much school.
I took your advice, and it was really difficult. I didn’t stop skipping classes completely because I’m still working on that, but I did talk to my teachers. We worked together to plan for a passing grade in each failing class.
I ended up with all As and Bs! That doesn’t even feel real. It was so unbelievably hard if I’m honest. It was more studying than I’ve ever done in my life. Worth it though.
I’m a rising Senior now, and I feel much more prepared for college applications. I also don’t dread next year’s classes now that I know my teachers are willing to help so much. Thanks everyone who gave me a reality check or was kindly encouraging. It all helped.
| 372 |
I lost good friendships after becoming depressed and frequently blame myself. How can I improve and become happier?
|
A few years ago, around the time the pandemic started, a family member passed away and I felt my mental health take a rapid decline. I became very toxic; I complained constantly, and I had a lot of mood swings that left me damaging the friendships I had back then.
I've experienced further losses since then, and I feel that I lost sight of who I was along the way. I know that isn't an excuse to behave like an asshole, however.
Losing those people was a wake-up call for me mentally. Since then, I've been making an effort to journal, limit my time on social media, exercise and trying to keep my thoughts positive. I still ruminate over these lost friendships, though. My therapist has provided help with this, but my mind just revolves around those mistakes.
I think, at the core of it, I feel guilty. While I don't overshare and complain like I used to, I still feel bad. I know that it's 100% on me to maintain and manage my mental health, and that it isn't an excuse to be a toxic asshole. I just wish I knew what I know now back then.
I've apologized to the people who have been open to communicating/didn't block me, but the strain/damage that was dealt is still evident. People that once wanted to talk to me and/or hangout stopped doing so for the most part. People who once wanted to do things together, like gaming, don't do so. People seem to generally avoid me if they can help it.
I understand that I can't expect others to forgive me; I know that that is their choice, and I was pretty toxic back then. One friend mentioned something about me and another person in a group chat coming down to hangout with him, but my mind can't really respond to this like it could before.
Is it wrong to feel guilt over these past mistakes, when my mental health is my responsibility? I don't behave like that now, but I still feel bad because it happened to begin with.
I've thought about moving on instead of just dwelling on these friendships, but I find it very difficult to connect to other people after my depression settled in. It feels that, if I try to talk to people like I did years ago, it'll lead to problems and further strain occurring.
I think the loneliness makes the depression stronger, however, so I don't really know what the best option is. When I had a social circle, my mental health wasn't awful. I think that was because, while I did tend to have a low mood, it wasn't as picked up on by people around me. Now, though, I think people can sense the depression and steer clear from me.
Is it possible to make and maintain friendships while mentally ill? It seems that, even if I do feel good mentally for a while, things get rough mentally again. That leads me to withdraw/isolate, which I have made an effort to do to avoid further damaging things with people.
​
| 6 |
Lost another friend because I can't let shit go. I have a pathological need to "keep score".
|
I hate that I'm like this but it feels impossible to change. Somebody does something I don't like. It might be minor, it might be major. Usually it's minor. But it stays in my head stewing until something pushes me over the edge and I blow up. Immediately after blowing up, I realize I shouldn't have done that and try to apologize. But it keeps happening, and friends (understandably) start distancing themselves. It happened once again to one of my dearest friends. The issue was so utterly insignificant but I just couldn't let it go, and they've outright told me that they can't do this anymore and the friendship is over. This time it's hitting me really really hard, and I really want to change but I don't even know where to start.
I've heard the term "injustice collector" before and feel like it describes me 100%.
| 10 |
How do I get over the guilt of CHEATING?
|
I was 16 and my former partner whom I will call "X" was 17.
We met a couple years back but didn't talk until I broke up with my ex. It was my first relationship so I was deeply hurt when it ended just because of my ex's mother was pissed off that we weren't being honest with them about us being in a WLW relationship. We broke up during New Year's Eve.
X was there for me the whole time throughout my breakup journey alongside with a group of friends whom I introduced to her. Me and X started dating after a crisis we were in regarding our crazy music academy's headmaster (not sure if that's the term, but he was the owner of the place) was trying to manipulate and guilt-trip her into dating a teacher. Yes, a full grown ass adult trying to let a minor date his buddy. During said crisis I was also a support for X, reassuring her that the both of us will make it out just fine, and we did so. Shortly after, we were in a situationship, then a relationship.
My ex was in the same class as me and it's hard not to notice her since she sits right in front of the whiteboard. I told X prior to us dating that I feel like I'm not fully over her yet but I know I will get over her one day. That was until my ex was dropping subtle hints of wanting me back after me and X got together, curious me wanted to reach out and see if the hints were cap or no cap, which was the checkpoint for where everything started to spiral down. The rest was not easy for the three of us, I was emotionally cheating on X, then it turned into physical ones (the maximum was hugs but it's still a shit move from me).
I know I could've just broken up on spot when things haven't escalated but my ex was having family problems and was in a state of depression, so, I decided to help her since she helped me when I was having mental issues back when we dated and got me through therapy (This was probably why me and her got close in the first place now that I think about it.). By this point I was already partially burned out from the guilt of spending more time talking to my ex than X and was contemplating about my feelings and communicated (more of stating my reasons) with X. Soon after that, X got clinically diagnosed with depression and I didn't have the heart to bring it upon her. Things just got worse and worse for everyone. Near the end, I was just completely messed up and toxic AF, I gaslighted and guilt-tripped everyone including myself. It was to the point where I was so in denial of me doing such a horrible deed, my brain decided to brain wash itself into thinking that there were other reasons towards this and not my personal reasons only, but in reality, it was 70% me being the ahole.
(But thinking about it, I really wanted to give me and X another chance if they told their mom that we were dating. Their mom already know they're bi and was speculating us dating but X never wanted to admit to it. I went as far as calling them closer terms during calls when their mom's around)
In the end, me and A broke off with an agreement to no contact for 30 days. And what did I do? Well, you've guessed it, go back to my ex before the 30 day agreement had even ended because she was chasing me back after talking everything out with her mother.
All of this happened in a span of one year. To be specific in the year of 2022.
I am a teenager, but that does NOT justify my actions AT ALL. I am truly aware of what I've done. When it's done, there's no turning back. But at the same time I also know that I can't keep on carrying this guilt around everywhere I go since everything has already ended and I have my own life to continue on. Even though I might sound like a shitty person trying to justify my own wrong doings, but I really tried my very best in those conditions that I was struggling.
(Honestly speaking, even if time goes back, I wont change the outcome, but I would definitely choose a better way of solving the conflict.)
I'm still feeling the guilt till this day even though it has been half a year, I keep thinking about how hurt I must've gotten her and I just want to be there for her??? It sounds weird phrasing it out but that's just what I feel. I have no romantic feelings for her though, that's a point that I think I'm clear about. I just want to reach out and say "I'm sorry for that I have done" but I know I shouldn't for various reasons. or should iii??? noo???
This is not a proud moment of my life but it's definitely a lesson that'll stick to me.
​
(Sorry for the bad English, brain is not braining)
| 3 |
Dealing with social anxiety
|
I have mentioned this along with other things in a different post.
So i (17F) tend to often feel uncomfortable in social situations, esspecialy alone with friends its better but still there.
I have had this since im like 13 but when it got bad i was 15.
I honestly feel like they are all staring and or secretly judging me.
Or think im weird or an creep.
I at times even feel like they are attacking me, so i mighz stare back at them or say something to friends if they are there.
What makes it worse is that im pretty socially awkward at times.
I have a low walking style, i talk quietly at times or misunderstanding, i at times have a blued speach, bad emotional face regulation like i either look pissed, annoyed, a bit worried, smile forced and or awkwardly for no reason and or are pretty emotionless.
The worst tick i have though is excessive eye twitching, if im nervous.
I had this since i was like 9-11, so its there for some time.
And i also at times beginn to feel dizzy, sweat or even feel a bit sick.
Also i at times have bad skin, my hair gets messed up by wind quickly so it may appear like i didn't prush it and my style is quite basic but not in the trendy way and rather super blend.
It honestly makes me hate social interactions or situations at times, esspecialy being in public transports is bad.
I honestly hate ot and that results in me whitdrawing but yet again this obly majes it worst.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore, im in Therapy but it doesn't help much whit that.
Did someone have had similar experiences like me?
| 7 |
How to stay on track?
|
Hi friends. I'm curious on how to stay on track and not emotionally relapsed. I've been doing great for a few months and felt like I was achieving my goals. But June hit, and it was a very hard month for me. I stopped doing what was important and healthy to me. How do I stop giving into my self destruction and stay on track? I know I can do it, I just need some advice.
| 3 |
I need an active hobby.
|
Hey everyone,
I(27M) have been on a bit of a "make myself healthier" kick for the past two-ish years.
I was quite crazy when I was younger. I drank daily for close to 5 years, used nicotine from dawn to dusk, drank 3 plus coffees per day, and had bouts of not working out for months or years. I sat down for work, sat down at home and subsisted off of fried or processed foods.
2 years ago, I stopped drinking and lost about 25lbs from that alone. I felt much better and was feeling quite proud of myself. About a month ago I decided to cut out overeating, caffeine and nicotine due to digestive issues. I've lost another 10lbs from this and am down a total of 45lbs altogether with another bout of loss early on.
That leaves one final issue: my lack of exercise. I feel out of breath after light exercise and feel like my circulation could be better. I've always been bored by gym or home workouts. The times in my life when I legitimately worked out it was because I had an active hobby that I enjoyed doing. I used to hike for hours three times a week, mountain bike, longboard, etc.
I have a child now and consequently I don't get out of the house as much anymore. I realize that I need an active hobby that can keep me engaged and that I can do at home. I'm curious what suggestions you all might have.
Thank you!
| 32 |
Life is hard but you can always be Better
|
\[Male, 21 y/o\]
Around 1.5 years back my family was economically great, my dads company closed the year in 900 k dolars in sales, which in my country we where the 1%. but rapidly things started to shift, suddenly everything was going down, no new projects and lots of dept, the first months of 2022 we started to feel the downfall but we where thinking it was something for a short time, but it wasn't. Around october 2022 we started to sell our family assets like 2 cars and taking huge loans to keep the business alive. In november was the worst month of my life, we where only eating 1 time a day, and that was only me and my brother, our parents didn't ate to give us more food. At the moment I was crushed, despite being the youngest sibling I was the pillar of the family making sure everyone felt with a little bit of hope and taking the decissions on what to sell and how manage that money, even though every night I would go on a walk by myself and cry everything out. I used to have a girlfriend at that time and as ussual when we started dating I would take her to nice restaurants, host incredible parties at my house and going at night in my brand new 2023 car, but due to heavy depression I was going through I stopped going out and wouldn't even pick my phone for days. By November 2022 was my absolute lowest point and I was mentally crushed, and up to that moment that everything finally exploded I decided to tell my gf. I told her everything, and her reply was "I think we need to talk" but not in a positive way. To say the least I started to think she was going to leave me, and that same day I told her that I wanted to talk in person as soon as possible, my car didn't had gas for like 2 weeks at that moment and couldn't use it, so I asked her if she could come by, but my surprise is that she told me no, knowing well she had car and at that precise moment she was hanging out with her friends. So I told her not to worry, I started walking towards her house (30min walking) I arrived there and as I suspected she told me she didn't loved me anymore. I felt that my world was just getting worst and worst by every day that passed. I didn't told her anything, the only words that came out of my mouth was "bring me my chain" I previosly had a 18 karat gold chain that I borrowed her, and with that words I gave it to her, just keep it sometime while I sell it. So she brought my chain and I leaved that place. few weeks later a friend of mine offered me to go to USA to work some months and I agreed. Working here I started supporting my family skipping meals, working outside in the snow, and sometimes working 24 hours nonstop getting paid 13$/h the whole shift. To say the least my body was being exploded every day, the whole week. skipping 3 months of that and my date to go back to my country in plane was getting closer, and I was 100% aware of my country status, the new president was a stupid women and was making the country impossible to live in with soccialism ideas, and so I decided to stay here in Usa. Deciding to leave my whole life in my homecountry, my beloved friends, my family in trouble, and all my dreams, in hopes to someday make enough money to get back. At the moment Im unemployed and have been for 2 months, I owe those 2 months of rent and services, no car, no bed, no friends, nothing, only my computer and my phone. But since december I've been reading a lot of self help books and lots of other types of improvement articles and whatnot, to say the least it has been a hard journey but my mind is focused on the projects I want to make, I do feel sometimes the urge to cry by myself on my room without letting anyone know about my situation or what I've been going through, just because I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. But also since december I started to work on my project that I for sure know its going to be my lifesaver, It consists of making a product by myself, since I know how to code, create electronic circuits and 3D design, all self taught since I was 9 years old. At this moment I feel the heavyness of the journey but I'm not letting that to get too deep in my mind. Hopefully I get a job soon and can continue with my project since at the moment I'm just 1k $ shy to start the new R&D stage with some help from kickstarter. I'm acctually excited and nervous at the same time since this project is big and there are lots of parts involve to make this happen since I will be needing manufacturing, and some FCC aprovals. But I'm willing to take the risk. I hope this motivates someone and everything I learn I will upload it to youtube when Im done with this process to making and manufacturing a product, since anywhere I've been looking on the internet there is not many information on this subject. Have a great day and never stop dreaming big!
| 19 |
I Want to Hit the "Refresh Button." What Will Help Me With That?
|
I feel.. not depressed, but certainly not happy and fulfilled. It all began, very suddenly, with the start of this year: I've started working a job I don't really care about at all just for the money. I've grown to dislike many of my friends. I've recently started working on a path in school that I, personally, am extremely passionate about, but others constantly put me down over it - this, from many of the people I thought were friends. In the exterior aspects of my life, I feel very put together despite all of this, but in the interior I just feel like I'm declining and declining as a person. There's a sluggishness and a drag in me that wasn't there before.
​
In a strange way, I appreciate a lot of these things for the life lessons that they impart. I feel sobered seeing the change in my "friends," and I feel like I've gained new knowledge on how to assess people. Lately, though, I'm feeling like I'm on a dead end. I'm not sure how to articulate that, but I feel like the frontiers of my current way of life have been explored, found to be lacking, and now I have this need to hit the refresh button on it all. I want to get back to my roots, repair what is damaged, and face the world in a new and improved way.
​
I'm starting to apply to new jobs, rediscover and reinforce the good habits and practices that I've had, as well as making new habits, and withdraw from all that isn't necessary. I'm going to get back to healthy hobbies that I've been wanting to get back to, and I'm going to cut off a lot of the people that I've been surrounding myself with. I don't even know how to go out into the wild and spontaneously make new connections, but I want to get out and do it. I'm scared of this little bullet point, personally... I feel anxiety at the prospect of basically trying to cut all these people out, all these familiar settings, and trying to engineer a new life, basically. I want to finish this summer off with on the right foot.
​
Anyway, getting to the point of this question, what can else can I do? What has worked for you all in the past? Am I looking at all of this in the right way, or do I need to change my perspective? Furthermore, this is my first time on this subreddit, so I apologize if this actually isn't the place for this kind of post.
| 1 |
The Summer of Protests, Black Lives Matter movement.
|
The pandemic was crazy.It was the summer where everything was on lock down. George Floyd had been brutally murdered by the police officers. There were riots and protests everywhere. The rioters in my particular city completely burned, destroyed and flipped over a cop car. They had masks to cover their faces not for covid, but so that people did not recognize them.Some white girl took her shirt off and waved it around standing on the cop car. I’m not sure what she was trying to prove, but it didn’t feel in sync with those events that they were fighting for. She seemed like she was showing off.
​
Later in news articles, the FBI asked the public for help for recognizing them for damaging the police car. (In case you didn’t know, there are fines of thousands of dollars to damage one)The protests gradually got worse that year. In particular that evening, the protests moved to the capital of the city where the National Guard had gotten called up. The National Guard marched down the street with Riot Shields and Guns. I remember watching on a Facebook Live feed this happening, and the insanity of some of the comments.
​
That summer I also learned some of my coworkers and friends that I had once respected were racist. This came as a shock to me, as the topic had never been brought up before. I eventually spent less time on those friendships.There must be a better system. There are countless murders of innocent black lives that happen every year, everywhere that are not talked about enough by the hands of police and lately citizens.
​
Recently, murders have happened where an innocent man or woman showed up at the wrong house by accident. There is no innocence in this. Justice must be served.Growing up in the Southern Bible belt, I was not taught about white supremacy. I was not taught about Malcom X, Selma, among others in history. The subject of Slavery was glossed over. On one such day when we were new to the south, my parents were in the area looking for houses. They saw a neighborhood that they liked that was moderately priced and in their budget. The realtor refused to show them the area saying that it was a “black neighborhood”, and even she wouldn’t go there. This was my first exposure to this issue.
​
Teach your kids, your family, openly talk about racism. This is 2023, and it isn’t taught enough even in public schools. To this day, the open and unjust murder of George Floyd still makes me angry. I hope we can do better as a society and figure something out.
| 0 |
I finally cleaned my apartment after moving in ten months ago
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It took 3 hours but every single weekend it’s been eating me up. I struggle with high functioning depression so to the outside world I look put together and responsible but if you really knew me you’d know that I deeply struggled to conquer the clutter. I can finally sleep in peace tonight and I’ll be damned if I ever let it get out of control again. I was able to accomplish this because I have a maintenance worker coming in and I’m reprogramming my thoughts to believe that I enjoy the process of cleaning. If you made it this far thank you for listening and don’t give up:)
| 14 |
I am lonely and need help
|
Hi, i am male, 18 y. o.,
I just came home from a party, which I left, because I was just before crying. I was feeling so lonely. I was on this party and I couldn´t connect with anybody. I couldn´t talk, I didn´t meet new pople, in the middle of the crowd, I was lonelier than ever. This is the standar of every party I go on. I just don´t know what to do. I can´t seem to find a person I can connect with. The whole world is open for me, and I just can´t, I just don´t have the power left to carry on. I am empty. I am done. I started to think about suicide which is very frightening. On the other hand I think I can´t, because of my two little sisters. How can I get my life to become good? How can I find friends or somebody to love? Don´t give me those standart things like going into a sportclub or finding an therapist, I can´t. I tried selfimprovement for a very long time, I did improve, but it didn´t brought me any happines of power. What schould I do?
| 8 |
I don't want to live anymore
|
Hi all. I am posting a second time. I am struggling to get it off my mind. I feel very depressed. Oh, and this is not to do with suicide. I am 16 and I have lost 3 people to death beginning with 2020 because of Coronavirus. I have been having a harsh struggle with feeling tired of life since February of last year. I got over it, but in 2023 I have been struggling again for 3 months. And now with my cats departure I don't want to live anymore. I enjoy my hobbies/special interests, and not necessarily has life ever felt like a chore. I just feel tired. Like an old person (70-80-90.) feels. Oh I didn't write it,recently my cat ranaway/disappeared 4 to 5 weeks ago and that is why I feel finished with my life.
I have no interest in sex, or activities of the future, or of graduating. I am happy, but I am tired. I came here looking for advice, on how to stop this for good, because I don't want to die. But I am taking less and less care of myself. My dad has been yelling at me because I won't take a shower/brush my teeth. Sometimes I don't eat because I forget to, and I feel as though that is a subtle sign I don't want to care for myself/continue on. I did not have that problem before.
I want to kill this tiredness for good. I am tired of feeling tired, I want to live. I am struggling to see why anything has any real value or meaning. Despite my enjoyment of life I feel finalized and done. I hold importance over my loved ones, but I am feeling they have revealed their true colors some little bit. People feel like they are meaner than I had always imagined. I'm very sad. I was so happy and vibrant as a child, and now I have no interest in life, even despite my young age. I just don't want to live anymore. I have so much to be happy for. but I'm sad. I wondered if others had advice.
| 2 |
how to take my life back?
|
essentially i have gone through the most severe debilitating depression since i began college. going into freshman year, i was 145 pounds, had many friends, was pretty happy and thriving. now its 4 years later going into my final and 5th year. i may take a gap year though. i am now 295 pounds, and dont recognize myself. so much happened, deaths in the family, parents splitting, losing ALL ( like literally ALL) of my friends. i live alone in a different city than everyone in my family too. i have two cats and a yorkie. theyre my babies. but the thing is i cant live like this anymore. its draining, and im miserable. how do i even attempt to get my life back? not about the weight, im seeing a dr for it. but my apartment is an absolute disaster since i didnt care about it for a year. how do i get myself back into daily routines of cleaning myself? how do i not give up when its hard? i know a lot of it is will power and mindset but thats so much easier said than done. i need ALLLLLLL the good tips from experience or from hearing it elsewhere plsssss. i want to be better yet im so overwhelmed i dont know where to start because there’s so much to do.
| 6 |
I’ve realized I complain about everything and it’s making my life miserable
|
I had a moment of clarity today in work. I was sitting at my desk and chatting with my wife when I suddenly realized this. The truth is I spend most of my life feeling miserable and complaining. I don’t want to make people feel sorry for me or anything like that. But I need to face this thing.
I’m a pretty standard guy, I have a nice job and live very comfortably. I’m married to an amazing girl that I have loved for years. Growing up my family was happy and I had most of the stuff a kid could ask for. Anyways, I’m pretty sure I’m just a regular person. But still, I complain about everything. When I say everything, I mean it: I’m bothered by my schedule, my insecurities, the weather, a random headache during the day… I’m angry basically all the time, specially when something doesn’t turn out the way I planned.
I don’t mean to say I just like to complain about stuff. I complain because it bothers me, and I feel everything just affects me negatively. I have the impression I’m affected way more than other people (either that or I’m just self conscious).
I desperately need a way out of this. I need to wake up in the morning without feeling miserable and tired. A complaint can’t be the first thing that comes out of my mouth every day. How do you guys start complaining less and being grateful? How can I cut this bad habit off?
| 286 |
Trying to focus on my goals even though I am depressed since one sided relationship ended yesterday
|
I loved him and thought we would get married this year. Looking back it seemed like a one sided relationship. He left me easily to go back to his ex even though he introduced me to his family and said he loved me.
Today is the 1st day without him and I am sad. Since past week he was being distant from me and yesterday he told me he wasn’t over her.
I don’t have many friends and I feel lost in life. Losing him means I lost my best friend too. This morning feels different. Thought he would be my best friend forever but not anymore. I have exams coming up and don’t want this to affect it even though it is already affecting it. I just feel sad n low today and don’t know how to move forward in my life and be happy alone again.
| 12 |
How to improve my self-worth?
|
I know that sounds like a very loaded question, and it is. But recently, I have realized that the reason I accept such poor treatment in my romantic relationships likely is due to the fact that I have very low self-worth and self-esteem, at least in that regard.
It’s funny, with platonic, friendships, and other relationships types I am very good with boundaries and appropriately dealing with those who hurt me, or don’t treat me with respect. However, with romantic relationships, I believe due to some previous relationship type traumas, I’ve find myself “attracted” to things like inconsistency, “games” and overall immature behavior that everyone else in my life or just me to stop falling back into. I am drawn to men who just spike my anxiety and I fall into that “highs and lows” addiction.
When I find myself dating men who are incredibly intentional and kind, and treat me with respect that everyone else says that I deserve and the love that they say I deserve, I just can’t wrap my head around that being white people want.
Everybody seems to say that this type of behavior is due to low self-worth and self-esteem, but I’m trying to understand how I can work on that when it only seems to be presenting itself within a certain type of relationship. Will overall self image improvements like issues with body image or stress in life actually change this?
I understand that some people may think this is best suited for a Dating forum. However, I feel like this is a bigger life issue that can be applied to other areas as well perhaps? I guess I also think that a Dating forum might be too biased, and I’m looking for advice from a outside perspective of those perhaps are not jaded in the dating world like many in those spaces, haha.
| 2 |
Advice on managing loneliness anxiety
|
I have been feeling pretty lonely lately whenever I have some free time and nothing to focus on. Sometimes it goes away because I start talking to my friends, but most times I just get anxious and try in every way to get noticed mostly through dating apps or posting instagram stories hoping someone will talk to me. Even if I’m doing something like watching tv, reading, etc I get the urge to look at my phone all the time just to check that no one contacted me. I just get really anxious because I have no one to talk to or go out with, and it probably gets worse with social media in the way but I just don’t know what to do to prevent this from happening so often. Any advice on how to stop this feeling?
| 1 |
How to become centered, calm, focused and non impulsive?
|
Asking for a someone Male 26, please be nice.
Recommend books, podcasts, anything to fix this
I am hastu, I want quick results, impulsive and distracted please help
Where do I learn to be the opposite of this
| 4 |
How to become more patient?
|
I am getting impatient at the lack of progress I have been making on my mental health issues. I resort to instance dopamine activities, but I have reduced that significantly.
I deleted all social media besides Reddit and Youtube, I blocked adult websites on my phone and I have improved my diet. I have also been mostly consistent at the gym lately and have managed to make progress. My grades have improved and so on.
But I still struggle deeply with hypersexuality and more. I often relapse into eating sugary foods again and so on. I grow impatient with myself, having to set even more boundaries than I did before is incredibly exhausting. I am going to therapy for my problems and taking medication.
My progress never feels enough, I just want to stop all of this shit. I am tired of being this way and feeling these feelings but my therapist has been telling me to go easier on myself.
Any advice?
| 2 |
being a different person?
|
When I (21F) was in HS I was definitely a different person. I don’t think i was super mean or anything like that but sometimes I remember certain things I’ve said or certain things I thought were cool/I was okay with that I just can’t understand as an adult. Is this feeling normal? How do I deal with this feeling? I’m just so different that when I look back at myself at like 16 I’m just disgusted and confused. Any help?
| 13 |
Discipline and inner voice
|
How to develop discipline without brutally beating myself up?
How to develop a more gentle inner voice without becoming too lax?
| 2 |
Expanding social circle and overcoming introversion / social anxiety?
|
I recently relocated to a city close to my hometown after a long period of living away from home. While away from home I built up a solid social circle in my prior city through grad school and through having roommates. It was less daunting because a lot of circumstances just facilitated making friends.
Since relocating back to this city I’ve realized I’ve outgrown a lot of the childhood friends I lost contact with and don’t have much in common anymore. I am trying to build a large social network in this city and am sort of not sure how to go about doing that since the built-in networks of school/roommates I had in my prior city aren’t an option.
I’m working on my extroversion as well, and just generally being able to put myself out there without it being required by circumstance.
If you built a big social network from scratch, how did you do that?
| 2 |
Went to the gym for the first time.
|
Kind of annoyed because a group of like 4 buff guys were sitting in the middle of the gym(small gym) talking so I got really uncomfortable and only stayed for like 20 minutes. I’ve had this gym membership for like 3 months and this is the first time I went, although not much in the gym was accomplished I still made a big step in the right direction.
| 22 |
Life in 5 Senses - getting out of my head and into the world.
|
The title of this post is the name of a book I just started reading by Gretchen Rubin, the author of The Happiness Project. I got it because I’ve realized that because of my job and the insane level of multitasking and attention to detail that I have to do on a daily basis, I find myself in my off time going completely inside my head and not really noticing anything. I’ll read the same paragraphs over and over with my eyes, but not actually read them with my brain because I lose my train of thought and focus on other things mentally. Squirrel with a shiny object, y’all. (I do not have ADHD, it’s all come from the career I’ve been in for 17 years that I’ve had to adapt to.)
So, anyway, this book is about actually exploring daily life with your 5 senses. Says you’ll start feeling more connected to life and what’s going on around you instead of being stuck in your head, which is what I desperately need.
My problem is, a couple of my senses don’t work properly.
I have a cataract which blurs a dark spot near the center of my vision in one eye (started in my 30s, I’m 45 now, the docs say they can’t remove it for another 10 years or so), and an excessive amount of floaters that also obscure my vision to a degree. My eyes are very sensitive. I wear glasses to help me see better on my work computer and while driving and watching tv, but the blue and yellow tinting that’s supposed to help those issues cause my eyes to be way more sensitive when I’m not wearing them.
I have a deviated septum and allergies that cause me to, on a good day, only be able to breathe through about half of my nose. I have to breathe really deep in a conscious way to smell anything that’s not super strong. I lost my sense of smell and taste when I had Covid in 2020, also, and neither came back the way they were before. Things just don’t taste as good as they used to.
As I’ve gotten older, my hearing has gotten more sensitive. I don’t listen to music in my car, can’t stand a lot of different noises happening all at once like what happens in my office or in crowds. I can’t read a book with any background noise like a tv/music or talking. Lots of noise causes my anxiety to peak quickly. I hate restaurants that have music playing because I often can’t hear my dining companion. And even though my hearing tests completely fine, I often have to ask people to repeat themselves at least once.
So I’m kind of at a loss here on how to better my life in this respect. I’m so tired of just living inside my head and feeling oblivious to so many things around me. It’s really detrimental to my anxiety and mental well-being.
Any ideas?
| 2 |
Worried about me
|
I'm worried about my future.
I'm 43 and I've been divorced for 13 years. I've tried dating but I haven't been able to find anyone whose values match up with mine. I've had a very tuburlant decade with divorces, move homes, career changes, loss and grief. Yesterday I had to put my little doggy down. It's made me realise that my life is empty. I'm worried about getting older and not finding love. I want lots of people and animals around me.
| 9 |
15 Years Of Improvement: What I've Accomplished
|
Since I started down my path of self improvement in 2008, I've lost 75 lbs., quit smoking, run a marathon and 4 half-marathons, quit drinking, started yoga and then meditation, got diagnosed with ADHD, started therapy, and helped others along the way as much as possible. (In that order!) It's been baby steps, stumbles, failures, and struggles along the way, but everything has been worth it and I love the happy, healthy person I am today. This was over a LOOONNGGG period of time, so don't get discouraged! Find one small thing you can work on today.
What are you working on right now on your path?
What's one small habit you can replace?
How could someone who's been successful help you?
May every one of you find your peace, and never stop trying
| 108 |
Can i still do curtain things i couldnt do in the past
|
I 17F didn't had good teenage years.
I struggle whit mental health.
It honestly makes me sad because i lost those years of development.
Also i let myself influence from others to much, which made everything worst.
I honestly didn't percue the things i liked or had interest in.
I didn't start reading as an hobby, i didn't play a couple of games i liked, i stoped trying to improve in drawing, i didn't dress how i wanted, i didn't care for my body, i didn't tried to do new things. I sort of gave up.
I honestly regret so much already, i wasted my time and suffered for nothing.
I thought about redoing those things but some of those things i like are sort of childish and at some things im painfully inexperienced like most sports for example.
I mean if i dont do them now i will regret it more later one but my insecurities make it hard to handle.
Should i still do those things?
| 3 |
balancing my schedule?
|
I (21F) have noticed that when I’m busy I can’t balance things very well. When I was in college I had a part time job for a bit and somehow managed to balance it although i failed one course, and I never made any friends or went out, but I know there are tons of college students who balance friendships, internships, sports, school, etc. all at the same time and I seriously have no clue how they do it. How can I better balance everything and work towards all my goals instead of being so one track minded?
| 2 |
How do I process big emotions?
|
I recently started learning about emotions and I realized I never truly felt my feelings. I always burried them or I let them eat at me until there was nothing left. I decided to change that.
In the book I'm reading it said the first distress tolerance skill is to distract yourself from the pain but not avoid it. Later on you get to do some self soothing things. However, this scenario only works for momentarily bad experiences. For example, I accidentaly drop my pizza on the ground. I will be sad, frustrated, mad but I can distract, self soothe and move on.
In the other scenario, which is currently my reality, I have prolonged feelings of.. feeling bad? that generally feel more intense. Me and my SO broke up a month ago and I still feel shitty sometimes. Whenever that wave of sadness comes nothing works. Like I tried identifying it, I tried self soothing, but I feel like I can't find the reason I'm sad nor can I find the cure for it. What do I do with that?
| 1 |
I (20F) am obsessed with the idea of love, but cannot love
|
I really need some help here. So, I am obsessed with the idea of loving someone and being loved. I have only been in a relationship once, because to be frank, I believe I can not love people. I talked to an other man for a year, I loved every second of it, the cute videos about love we would send each other, the good morning messages, his personality, i was hooked to him, but I broke things off because of other issues yesterday and it did not even shake me. I miss being able to relate to cute tiktoks and send cute texts and laugh at his jokes but thats it, I do not want him back, even if i actually thought i loved him. While we were talking he was all I wanted and I could’ve sacrificed everything to be with him, but now I dont even care about him a day later. I actually believe I am in love with people in the moment, but then I let them go and realise that I wasn’t in love and I am simply just a bad person, so I decided to never talk to people again. What is wrong with me, please help. (i tried to get better but I dont know where to begin. I am reaching out to you guys because I shared this with a friend of mine and they told me I am a bitch for doing this to others) Thank you for listening.
also: i know i am a bad person and I have issues, so I don’t seek out relationships anymore. And also excuse my language.
| 17 |
Male 28 Looking for an accountability partner
|
Hey everyone,
I’m a 28 year old male who needs to get into good by august and wants to build new good habits.
I’m looking for someone around my age to be my accountability partner where we tell each other if we completed the tasks we set out to do by the end of the day. Ideally your goals would be similar to mine so our interests align.
My goals include eating a clean and structured diet, working out consistently, doing a hour of cardio, drinking a gallon of water a day, completing my research project, and studying for school.
Send me a dm or comment if you’re interested.
| 8 |
How do I accept myself and what I have done in the past?
|
I am a female going to my 2nd year of college yet I have a very extensive past.
For context, my parents are divorced, i probably have daddy issues, and I ended up getting into a relationship in 8th grade. This lasted 10m and then a month later I got into a 3yr relationship the start of HS freshman yr that broke me when it ended bc of the energy and time i put yet didn’t receive. I didn’t realize at the time but I grew numb and ended up in 2 situationships 6 months later. I didn’t care about myself nor what I did in these at the time— my mindset was horrible. My justification was the “hook-up” culture that runs rampant in today’s society and the fact that I felt I wasn’t “as bad” as the stories I’ve heard from friends and social media. One lasted around 2weeks and the other a month. I didn’t realize my mistake of going against whatever personal ideals and self-respect i had by letting these 2 happen until near I ended them and thought I should spend time with myself. But, then there’s my current boyfriend who was just different from everyone else. I was wary, yet a month later I gave in to my feelings. We’ve been together for around 7 months now and I love him and I believe he loves me too. However, my past was a big issue to him and now it’s a lot easier for him to understand but he still thinks a way from time to time.
My issue really comes down to my personal perspective on myself and what I’ve done. I believe I understand why I acted the way I did and why I let things happen, but knowing why doesn’t rlly change the fact I did what I did. I feel tainted and low of myself. Heck, i felt this since I was young, but these times I was looking for love, I ended up hurting myself more. Now, I can’t help but feel like a “wh*re” at times. My boyfriend used to think (or still; I’m not sure sometimes) that I chose to do the things I’ve done and it shows “what type of person I am.” This absolutely killed me bc I was widely seen as high-excelling, determined, studious, athletic, and the goody-two shoes throughout HS. I was admitted to a top university for STEM due to my endeavors. I had no enemies, yet I can’t help but antagonize myself because despite my successes, I feel like I’m worthless at times for what I have done and such a mindset has taken a toll in my personal and academic life.
What can I do to help me move forward or see myself in different light? How can I prove that I am no longer a “wh*re”? How can I accept the blame and shame and self-disrespect ?
Thank you in advance for reading this and the help.
| 14 |
how can i stop relying on external validation?
|
when im feeling depressed or rejected i always turn to trying to get attention and validation from people. its lead me to do desperate and stupid things and it makes me feel hallow. i feel like i need someone else to tell me i still exist and that im worthy of interacting with, that i have positive qualities and that life isnt hopeless if i get my feelings hurt. any thoughts
| 5 |
Got fired today and I don’t know what to do anymore
|
Hi I’m 25 with no college degree and I don’t know what to do with my life I went to college but it didn’t go anywhere I’m tired of working at dead end jobs and seeing people my age and younger get ahead in life while it feels like I keep going back to the drawing board i know people with no high school diploma doing better in life than me I honestly just don’t know what to do I feel left behind
| 159 |
I’ve had a strange insight into what I’ve found as an essential pair: spiritual progression in relationships, and our origins as a species
|
I think novelty wearing off in a relationship is almost worthy of a definition itself of spiritual progress.
One half of it anyway, or one part because that alone would lead to codependency.
The other thing I got from an ex who always regretted what she just did. It made me notice my own relationship with the past, a kind of nostalgia.
Why this insistence on a pairwise structure of my partner regretting recent decisions and new longing for a time now lost?
In think it’s the very thing that got early humans talking.
And other than a kind of mutual assistance or dialog, I think it can be taken to what might even look like an absurd ambition, as a way to define our very evolving, giving me two ideas.
1. Young social animals play-fighting and when the rough-housing got out of hand, a language of forgiveness.
2. Increases in trust when the alarm is but false, from the warrior training.
| 1 |
I will be your Personal Habit Building Partner for July
|
Do you find yourself trying numerous strategies, techniques, and self-help posts, only to find yourself back at square one when building habits? Well, for the month of July, I’m here to be your partner.
Whether it’s working out, learning to be more productive, wanting to start a new hobby, or just about anything you want to do consistently, I will be your personal accountability partner for all of July.
**Here’s how it works:**
* **Tell me your habit**: To begin you can send me a message on Reddit telling me about the habit that you’re interested in building, what you’ve tried so far, and why you want to build it.
* **Build a system**: We’ll walk through a system together, it will be small at first but I can guarantee that it will be consistent and making small improvements on a daily basis.
* **Daily accountability**: I will be there every step of the way to make sure that you build this foundation for the month of July. Also happy to continue past that, but small steps first.
This is completely free, all I ask of you is for your effort and an open mind. I do this because I’ve found a system that works for me and I’m happy to share it with others. I’ve realized that a lot of posts on Reddit are similar in nature and being able to help someone with a start is fulfilling.
**Here’s who you are:**
* **Willing to go the distance**: I’ve made a similar post a couple days ago and had dozens of people reach out, but less than 5 have decided to stick with it. Where else will you get someone dedicating hours and hours to your self improvement journey with an expectation of nothing in return?
* **Uses Discord regularly**: I speak with most people on here and it’s the app that I have open most of the day.
* **Only building one habit**: You’ve tried everything. You just want to start a habit and learn the process so that you could make bigger and more ambitious habits down the line.
You could call this a challenge for July or you could call this a foundation for a new habit in your life. If you’re interested, please send me a message on Reddit with the habit you want to build, what you’ve tried so far, and why you want to build it. There is no cap, so if +100 people follow through with this, then I guess it will just be a pretty busy month for me.
| 13 |
How do you maintain the interest and mindset which motivated you to start your goals?
|
I always find that whenever I start something to try to better myself at the beginning I'm at peak motivation and enthusiasm which sounds good but into the days/weeks/months of doing it and just general life that interest and mindset always fades away.
Eventually I'll stop doing it. I always do because somehow it has depleted my interest and I'm just no longer in the mindset I was in when I started it. This means I never achieve anything meaningful in goals I work towards.
How do I maintain that interest and mindset I need to keep going?
| 4 |
Where do I channel my emotions after Ive communicated but get ignored
|
I used to be a passive people pleasing person a few years ago and just suck up everything instead of letting people know my feelings.
So after learning that being like this isnt healthy, I learnt to communicate my displeasure, and it has been great to me and some of my friendships/relationships.
However, my issue is right now, as ive worked to communicate my feelings, sometimes even as i communicate, it gets ignored, refuted etc..
Then i dont know where to channel my emotions after that. I also am very tempted to just cut out my friends who ignore my feelings, but then id have less friends and be lonely.
But just moving on with our friendship without addressing my feelings feels horrible too. Ive already communicated, so now whats the next step? keep bringing this up till it annoys them?
Is there a healthy way to channel my emotions without having to bring my feelings up again and again? Or is a friend that ignores my sadness after communicating not worth a friendship anyways? But if i keep doing this then id be left with only 2 friends or even just 1.
Ive been feeling really sad lately and i dont know where to channel this. Any advice on where to channel emotions would help.
| 13 |
Mood swings and irritability after releasing emotions that were repressed for years
|
Hi, so a little backstory I’ve been on a sort of healing journey for the past year or so. The process has been slow and almost misguided since im pretty much doing most it the work on my own. But yesterday was huge for me. I knew I was in a space where I was ready to confront the feelings that I had been holding in for years. Some even since early childhood (I’m 23 now). The experience itself was intense and heavy. I felt my body almost curl into a ball because of how much tension was being released but I experienced that sense of lightness people talk about when they share their similar stories. Overall the experience was very positive for me and I’m starting to see the things that happened in my past in a different light.
Now to the problems I’m facing today. Mood swings out of control and a deep sense of irritability. I was ready to snap on anyone and everyone today while I was at work. I’ve been arguing with family and friends over things that usually don’t bother me. Now I’m just a little lost because the experience yesterday was so positive for me and today it couldn’t be more opposite. So is this normal. Can facing your repressed emotions lead to this kind of reaction?
| 1 |
i want to fix a problem that i have with my friend but i'm scared to talk to him about it
|
As the title says, I have a problem with my friend and I want to talk to him to solve it but I'm afraid to talk to him about the problem. Let me explain, I feel like I haven't been a good friend to him, mostly because I have anger management issues, so I get mad at him for things I shouldn't be mad about (for example: taking his jokes too seriously and getting mad) whenever i got mad at him and calmed down after a while, i always apologized to him, but i felt that those apologies weren't very good, because despite apologizing to him, i kept getting mad at him. These days I have been learning to deal with my anger and I have done quite well learning to handle it, but I still have to keep practicing. As I was saying, my difficulty managing my anger made him not talk to me much these days, and even at times ignore me, this made me realize that I have not been a good friend. I've been feeling so guilty about it, and I want to talk to him about it, but I'm afraid to do it, because I think he's going to say something like, "You're never going to change, don't promise you'll change when you won't." or "I don't want to be your friend anymore". Any advice to fill me with courage and overcome this fear of talking to him?.
Edit: I'm sorry if you see any spelling mistakes, my English is not the best, it's not my native language, so I used Google translate to write this.
Edit 2: also, I think I exaggerated my situation a bit for not expressing myself well, I still talk to my friend, and we can both have a conversation without problems, just not as much as before. And another thing is that when I'm together with him I feel very uncomfortable and anxious, because I don't know what to say, and I'm afraid to talk to him of just thinking about how bad I've been to him.
| 1 |
I went on a holiday alone
|
My friends can’t go, so I won’t.
My bf (now ex) can’t go so I won’t.
That’s what I thought for 10+ years until a few days ago when I spontaneously broke this pattern.
Now I’m cycling around a holiday town despite my social anxiety and panic attacks!!!
I’ll be real, it gets super lonely at times, especially since this destination is not popular with solo travelers; but rather families and friends.
However, it’s the first time in my life where I don’t pity myself for having no partner nor friends to travel with.
I recognize my loneliness and I seek for an adventure anyways!
(And yep Im too shy to meet new people here 🙈)
| 317 |
can’t stop talking
|
I (21F) have noticed that even if I’m trying to put distance between myself and someone else, I often talk too much and it sends mixed signals to them that were close or at least friendly when in my mind I want to distance myself. I find that I can’t lie very well so if you ask me a bunch of questions I feel like I have to answer and answer in extreme detail. Like I said it’s causing me trouble bc I don’t know how to create effective boundaries and it sends mixed signals to the people I’m trying to be distant with. How can I improve on this?
| 7 |
[Discussion] What book changed your perspective when it comes to discipline/motivation?
|
I’m trying to better myself as a man, and am searching for the best books on subjects to grow overall.
I hope this can be a helpful discussion and thread for those, whoever you are, wherever you are from to grow in your lifetime!
Thanks…
| 3 |
Starting my 2nd business but healthier.
|
Hi,
23M here. Since my teen years I had this idea of "I will never be an employee and will have a succesful business". Of course things didn't work that well and had to go as an employee for some years until I built my first business with my dad. It's going good, we hired the first employee which give me freedom for 3 days which I'll use to grow our current business and will start building my second one with my mom.
What I want to do better on this new journey is to do it calmly; not desperately seeking the money and good results but focusing and enjoying the process, anytime I hear a "No" from a client in the phone I want to analyze it calmly and address it from a "experimenting" perspective and not that absurd feeling of "I have to make this thing work somehow", because it is pointless and brings stress.
We grow up thinking that money will make us happy and we put this intense pressure on ourselves to make more. All I can say is that I am as happy and miserable now that I'm making +$10K a month in profit as when I was with -$230 in my debit account cuz my car payment didn't pass. Money won't make the difference so I don't want to sacrifice the enjoyment of building my dreams because I am losing sleep if they "work" or not, I will just do it, and if I spent months without sales will be just a learning process which I'll enjoy as much as if I start selling right away.
Summarized; I will enjoy the journey regardless the outcome. I want my mind in the process and not in the result. I want to focus NOT in what I get and produce but in what I AM and DO.
​
| 2 |
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