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step 1: get used to studying after breakfast complete
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Now I will get a routine on studying until lunch and when that is done I will get used to studying also after lunch.
Feels good to reqch ones personal goals and still be motivated!
| 1 |
How do you get rid of a social media addiction?
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I can't for the life of me stop using social media apps like youtube, reddit etc. I know going on reddit to ask this is sort of ironic but I'm running out of ideas. I've tried deleting them but I always end up reinstalling them again. Using app blockers doesn't work. I usually get rid of the blocker after a couple of hours. I can't just lock my phone away for a couple of days to detox because I need it for work/studying.
| 17 |
How do I stop testing behaviors?
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18 year old male.
So due to anxiety especially in social life due to some trauma I've faced...I have done testing behaviors on friends and some family and it has been a mixed bag overall, but the last time I did went poorly and I want to stop my bad habit and become a better person.
I have taken breaks from social media and anything that reminds me of lots of people. I am trying to continue my volunteer project, trying to start working out at a gym or home hopefully, taking college class, as well as praying/mediation. I think it has helped me, but I need more time.
Should I just say sorry to everyone or move on from them completely? Or both? I'm too scared to say anything about it. It doesn't seem like it will change much too.
Am I a bad person? I don't know...
| 1 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 16 of 180 Self improvement plan
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Today, I took a break from teaching. Gave my kids a holiday to enjoy.
Ultilized it for delving into the Google certification course. Completed 3 modules. Tomorrow I would complete the certification. On a streak of efficiency. This feels good.
Went to the gym in morning. Did a few set of pec fly and rear delts. Did some ab exercises. Had a shower. Had a mutton biriyani on the way.
My goodness, there was a power cut off today. Just survived anyhow. Repaired my AC.
Studied for a bit about ICT and its impact on education. Wrote 3 articles for LinkedIn.
On track on my plan.
| 4 |
How to deal with loneliness in 20s, living in LA?
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I'm not sure how I can get help for it, but sometimes I feel lonely out of the blue. I'm an introvert in my late 20s in Los Angeles that is trying to get out there and find a community, make friends, and possibly a partner. The thing is, sometimes nothing I do seems to work. I took classes in improv and other art-related activities but these are only temporary acquaintances that don't go anywhere. I've done a handful of meet-ups but people tend to just stick to their group or don't seem interested in talking to me. I've also tried dating apps and friendship apps but those usually don't last or I get hit on by fake accounts that talk about crypto.
I have a few friends but they have their own lives and I can't rely on the same one or two people for things. I am also in therapy. Sometimes it seems like nothing I do can really make a dent in my struggles. I do think maybe I should keep trying and eventually I will find something that works. But sometimes it's hard to be optimistic. Thanks for listening.
| 43 |
feeling inferior/running out of time?
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I (21F) should be heading to my senior year of college, but I’ll still be in my last semester of my sophomore year when I return (I failed a semester and took a year off). I feel so humiliated and ashamed. I know I would’ve failed again if I had forced myself to go but I still feel awful for letting myself get so low, and I probably won’t graduate with my BS until almost 24. My sister is going to a state uni in medicine i think and is very independent, meanwhile I’ll still be at home taking courses online and maybe locally, and I have no friends and don’t drive. I feel horrible. I know I’m focusing on it too much, but I’m really ashamed of myself. I’m making conscious steps like working on my writing, art, study habits, etc. to try to be more disciplined and accomplish my goals, but I still can’t let go of the shame I feel for wasting a year and a half basically-any help?
| 2 |
Quit smoking weed
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I quit smoking weed about 3 months ago and there has been some serious side effects. I have had brain fog like none other, serious anxiety, and depression. A lot of the anxiety and depression comes from me not dealing with my life for a long time, and being irresponsible. That I am taking care of as I'm going to intensive inpatient treatment to learn what I need as far as coping mechanisms. Other than that has anyone else who has quit weed had long term side effects of serious brain fog that has lasted non-stop for months on end?
| 193 |
please bully me to cut out toxic friends
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I 16f have 1.5 years left before my high school graduation. I don’t want to be friends with my friend group anymore because they always complain about everything, even the smallest things. They call each mean names, they never have deep talks or any meaningful conversations, they yell and “play fight” at school. The other day my friend called me stupid as a joke and she hits my shoulder really hard when I say something sarcastic about her or make her laugh. There are around 7 girls in the school friend group. Overall, the group is all negativity and meaningless so I want to leave.
Only issue is that my social skills are horrible so I struggle making new friends. Everyone else in my year group are just as bad anyway (always hear girls talking shit about each other or complaining for nothing) so I don’t even want to be friends with anyone else. I also don’t have any other friends so if I stopped being friends with them I would be alone at school.
I am pretty comfortable staying in the school library instead of hanging around them but sometimes its closed so I have to stay outside. I am in a group chat with around 12 girls but I have stopped interacting in it because I noticed that when they complain, I join in and complain about nothing which ruins my mood in the end. My friends drain my energy with their childish behaviour and meaningless conversations/complaints but I am afraid of being alone at school. Can you guys bully me into finally leaving them please. Or can anyone share any advice on how to deal with this?
| 10 |
Public Journal To Fix My Life | Day 10 of 90
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Hello everyone! I hope you had a great day. **Here's a summary for new readers:**
This journal is my way of staying accountable on my healing and self-improvement journey. It may not always be exciting, but it will always be honest and real. Now, let's get into today's entry.
Today turned out to be awesome, despite not going to the park at 4 am as I had planned. The rain made it impractical to take pictures, and I didn't want to risk damaging my camera. So, I decided to go back to sleep and get some rest instead.
When I woke up, I followed my usual routine of a 10-minute meditation and stretching. Then, I went to a food bank to collect some free groceries and have lunch. I was fortunate to receive some good food items like salami, uncooked pasta, pork, and vegetables.
After organizing the groceries, I headed to the park that I had intended to visit earlier. Initially, I was annoyed because it started raining again when I stepped outside. However, I decided to give it a try and started biking. Fortunately, the rain stopped after about 10 minutes. I persevered for 30 minutes and finally reached the park, having covered a distance of 7 km. Let me tell you, the effort was absolutely worth it. The park was breathtaking, and the view of the city from there was stunning. I took some great pictures and then took a moment to appreciate the beauty around me, reflecting on how wonderful my life was in that moment. It brought me immense happiness.
I returned home by metro, feeling quite tired. At that point, I found myself tempted to sabotage my own progress by convincing myself that I didn't need to go for a run since I had already done enough exercise. However, I fought the mental battle and emerged victorious. I ended up going for a run on a cold night, pushing my limits further. Remember how my goal was to run the entire park by next Tuesday? Well, I achieved it today through sheer determination and visualization. I was thrilled with my accomplishment, despite feeling tired and experiencing body aches after two hours of running. It's a great feeling.
And that wraps up today's events. Now, I'll have some dinner and do some reading. Tomorrow, I plan to apply for a job at a supermarket and, if possible, go to the disco with some friends. If not, I might go watch the Spiderman movie, "Across the Spider-Verse." Exciting times lie ahead!
See you all tomorrow!
| 22 |
Feeling like you're just waiting - how to stop this?
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I'm 30, married, have a good job and an education. I've been pretty depressed in the past and for the most part have overcome most of my issues, I even have a healthy social life now despite being a lonely introvert before. But since as long as I can remember from childhood, I have always felt like I'm waiting for something. Something that will come and my life will finally start. I have moved by myself from Asia to Canada then found the love of my life and settled down here, but nothing ever seems to be enough, and I have no idea why. It's not a material thing or an experience that I'm waiting for to feel fulfilled, and the feeling is complex and hard to explain. Nobody that I talk to ever understands what I'm taking about and chalk it up to me being ungrateful. I'm not unhappy, I just feel odd, if that makes sense? Anyways. Have you ever experienced this at a time in your life? What did you do to overcome it?
| 75 |
Day 8 | Month 2 | Year 0
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Had to go out with parents for most of the day so did not complete all work. Got a new book though so that’s nice.
Improvement: Time spent with family, some work
Goals for tomorrow: Wake up before 10am, complete the work I didn’t get to do today, finish singing practice
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :)
Post written at 1:16am
| 2 |
Im working on being more open to human relationships :)
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I used to be a workaholic, but recently I came across the realization of that my life was empty. So I started to question if success is worth a lonely life and found out it´s not. I am more available now, to my friends, family and who knows, maybe I could even meet my special someone :)
| 26 |
Post abortion grief
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When you had a forced abortion ,feeling so baaad daily without anyone to tell.When the one person you loved couldn't stand or support you to keep the baby ,with all pregnancy sickness all alone.It might be a good decision for now but it pains knowing I lost what I wanted the most
| 1 |
Challenges needed!
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Dear Reddit!
I'm going to be working on a little project this summer and you can be a part of it! My goal is to do challenges relating to personal development (e.g. - ice baths, 5am wakeups?!, etc.), record them, and then give my take on whether or not they are actually meaningful!
Think of it as a sort of personal-development mythbusters...
From you, I need any and all (feasible) challenges in the comments below!
Thank you for helping to ruin my sleep schedule and hope everyone has a great summer!
| 1 |
How can I help?
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I have a friend thats in a dark place, a way different place then me. I am 4 years clean and far away from hometown. I have known her since we were 8 years old, I love her like a sister and seeing her where she is breaks my heart. I assume she is doing drugs and selling herself to get money. I lived that way a long time ago and chose life and left everyone I loved and knew behind to get clean and healthy. I am still not fully emotionally or mentally recovered, I dont think I ever will be but I recent;y reached out to her because I heard she relapsed and living back on the streets. She looks worse than she ever has, like shes withering away and I cant help her, she does not want help. She thinks shes ok and doing good. My question is how to talk to her and keep in touch without letting it break mine? Is it best to cut tirs for good? what if she needs someone to talk to and im not there for her? My biggest fear is hearing about her body found in a ditch somewhere mutilated and brutally raped and beaten. How can I help her without investing my whole heart? What can I do? I did contact people I knew for numbers if she did decide to get help but shes not even aware of the darkness shes enduring.
Help only comment if have serious answers Thank You
| 1 |
How to speak to myself more nicely when things go wrong?
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I find my negative self talk comes out when things external or internal go wrong. I have a lot of OCD around my health too. How do I speak more nicely to myself?
What are some things I can say?
| 1 |
I start my first job tomorrow
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I am gonna work as a cook at a Mexican grill place. I hope I do alright
| 1 |
How do I feel more secure in myself, and to develop interest in others/things?
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TL;DR title. I appreciate any tips/perspective.
More background info below. Might be a bit all over the place.
I (late 20s) was depressed for a long time due to shitty childhood/teen years and had only recently came out of it. I'd say the past 1.5y was when I finally learned how to be a person who's not constantly consumed by anxiety and having routine breakdowns. I took meds in high doses for 5 years and I think it has changed me permanently. I was in therapy for three years (CBT) but stopped as the therapist didn't know what to do with me (I was stuck in a loop).
I struggle to develop an actual interest in other people. When they talk I tend to space out or start to think about something else. Or what I want to say about what they just said. Sometimes I'd literally feel myself 'flying' out of my own 'perspective' and everything goes out of focus. I suspect this particular experience isn't a side effect of being uninterested.
I tend to act, or more like perform, as an extrovert (hitting people up, greet all colleagues at work, ask about their day, offer help, etc.), but I rarely connect to anything they say. A lot of times I struggle to understand why they care about x or y. I'd memorize what they say and would ask them about it later on. It makes them happy, and sometimes, it'll make me happy that I did something positive.
I don't particularly want anything beyond hi/bye i.e. making friends. I fear people and closeness. I fear most men. I also fear how people of the opposite sex try to hit my partner up. I feel scared that they'll take away one of the only sources of stability in my life.
It's okay if my partner wants to leave me, because I want them to be happy, and so be it if happiness means a world without me. But it's not okay if other people wants to take my partner away. It's nonsensical and I don't understand it. Perhaps it stems from my fear of being replaced. It's okay to leave me, as long as you're not replacing me. I don't know how to deal with this.
This fear might have made things in my relationship worse, because I can't tell if I'm genuinely interested in what my partner has to say or am I just hanging on to their words and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind just to show that I'm listening. I know that my partner feels it sometimes, because they'd drop the subject and starts talking about other things. And they don't generally bring up 'important' topics and just deal with problems themselves. I feel horrible. I have brought it up before and I was told that it was because that I'm generally self-centered and a lot of times misunderstood them, or "just don't care enough to get it".
I seem to have zero capability to gather information beyond the words said. This has been a source of arguments before. I zero in on the most useless details and can't see beyond it. I'd listen to the words being said and can't seem to figure out why they were said. I have difficulties connecting information from different sentences (e.g. forgetting what I just said in an argument, or what the other person said, and making sense of everything). A lot of times I struggle to offer my opinions because I don't have any. If you said you like to eat poop then that's that. I don't feel the need to ask why.
I struggle to figure out the things others like. I wouldn't know what my best friend's favourite candy is if she hadn't held it up to me and said "This is my favourite candy!". I wasn't always like this, because people used to praise me for somehow being able to just understand them without much information. Maybe because I used to genuinely want to understand them. But that is gone and I don't know how to regain that.
I played the piano. Bought a bass guitar. I drew, got good enough and was paid for commissions. I bought yarns and learned continental knitting. I learned how to cook Western & South East Asian food. I bake. I run. Did indoor-bouldering. I lift weights. Fished. Grew flowers and herbs. I played online games. Offline games. Board games. I learned the MERN stack. I learned C & C#. I can create a fully running Fullstack website. These were done and tried over the course of 10 years. None of them stuck. None of them made me feel 'joy'. It was more of a way to pass the time. How do I learn to like them? To feel accomplished? To be proud of it? I don't. My creations weren't good. I'm not particularly skillful in any of the sports listed. And I don't care enough about them to continue. How do I quit this loop? How do I feel some degree of caring?
I'm clearly not stupid because I can do all of these things, but when it comes to people, I'm scared. I don't understand them. I don't even understand myself.
I'm also physically clumsy & trips a lot. I see a stain on the floor and forget about it 0.5s later. The cat puked next to the bed and I'd forget about it for days, simply because I don't remember that it's there until I see it.
Sometimes I'd post my drawings online. Or my blooming flowers. Sometimes I want to know if people know I exist. But I feel like an outsider. I'm looking in from outside the glass box everyone else is in. I want to feel seen. I want to see others. But the ground beneath my feet feels like they're slowly crumbling. I also feel blindfolded. As if my being and consciousness are contained inside an opaque fishbowl, sitting on the edge of a desk.
Stoicisim has carried me far and I'm way better at handling life & emotions, but I wish to be more grounded, and to regain the ability to find the universe inside others.
Thanks for reading this far. I appreciate any tips/perspective.
| 1 |
I’ve quit my dead end job.
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So today Ive quit my dead end job. I was working in a warehouse for 1.5 years. I started because the money was good at first, but later on the workload kept increase and the salary decreasing. Ive met a few nice people here, but most of them were dead ends in here. A few guys were very supportive of the decision and said that I should be doing something better. My manager was very supportive also and said if it doesnt work out that he will always accept me in here. Im pretty happy, the journey continues from here.
| 229 |
I started doing Yoga and I'm still going!
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Last month I posted on here about how I managed to do Yoga every day for a week.
And with nowhere else to go to share my progress but a desire to do so, here I am again.
It's been around 6-7 weeks that I've been doing Yoga now, nearly every day for at least 15 minutes. I missed 3 days in total due to being sick, and even that managed to only motivate me further.
In the past if I set a goal like that and missed even one day for whatever reason, I just stopped completely, but no, this time I managed to start it up again.
No matter how shitty I feel, how warm it is or how much I just want to be lazy for a day, I push myself up and do my god damn workout. If I feel really lazy I start by doing some easy and simple stretching poses and by the time I'm done with them I am usually motivated enough to keep going and do some more.
I started losing weight (or rather body fat) to a point where it's becoming visible, I start to slowly fit into old clothing again and I have become so much more flexible.
It's still a long way to go to where I want to be but for the first time in my life, I feel like I really can do it.
Usually I really struggle with working out, I'm impatient and hate moving, I hate feeling uncomfortable, I hate sweating. I become demotivated when I don't see progress after a day or two (which is unrealistic, I know) and I just stop thinking it's not worth it anyways.
So finding yoga and the way I see even the smallest improvement very fast has really helped me. Because normally you don't see improvement after just a few days, but with Yoga you kind of do. Not much, but it was enough to keep me going and motivate me.
How hyperaware I am of everything going on in my body helped with that too, because I was able to feel easily just how holding a certain pose got easier or how my breathing changed and got deeper - it has been the little things like these that helped me with my impatience, to focus on the little things and set realistic goals for myself.
It's no longer "I want to become fit in a week and if I don't I'll just give up", no it's "I want to be able to do this pose without modifying it, so I'll work towards that."
And that's fucking refreshing. I can channel things that usually inconvenience me in my day to day life (my hyperawareness and my inability to really relax) into my practice and slowly guide my body to work with me instead of me fighting against myself.
So if anyone struggles with this kind of impatience, the inability to work towards a goal and a disdain for movement too, I can't recommend Yoga enough.
| 60 |
I am so mentally-weak and I cannot decide things on my own and that led to my mistakes.
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I (18F) am the class monitor, a silent one who never talk with any friends outside my class. I heard about people from my school from other people, without really communicating with them face to face and in somw ways, I believe in all the gossips my friends had about other people. I used to study in class A, and this year, our class is blended with class B and divided into 2 new classes. I am the A monitor, and there is a guy who are B monitor. I had to work with this guy a lot for our classes, since there are members of my class in his current class.
The thing is, I have heard many bad things about this guy, how he gaslighted my friends and all sort of how terrible he is. I have worked with him and we donot communicate that much for me to get to know him. But from my friends saying, I had a very bad impression of him. I am always worried that he may do the same for me. I am always afraid of him, though he did nothing wrong to me.
When prom comes, our classes are asked to choose a name for both, cause we are originally blended into one another. We as the class monitor have different opinions, and I tried to protect my opinion by saying that my class wants this name, not the one he and his class decided. I literally harshly give out my opinion without considering his class's feelings. Afterwards, I won the argument. But then memnbers from my old class (in his current class) said that I did not have them involved and that I have forgotten them, which hurt them deeply.
I started to regret all the terrible words that I said. And I realised that I was so harsh just because I was scared that the guy might have won against me, and I was weak compared to him. So I did everything to prove that I was right and that I was not afraid. But in fact, I am so mentally weak that I am deeply affected by every single thing that people said to me.
I feel guilty for making my friends hate me, and more inportantly, I hurt the guy without even knowing him that much. I hate the fact that I am so mentally weak, I cannot decide things on my own and usually second think due to other people's effects.
How can I do to overcome the guilt, I need to do it right now cause the college exam's coming soon and I have lived in guilt for 2 days. How can I improve myself?
Thanks for taking your time.
| 3 |
I'm Directionless in Life and I Can't Seem to See the Light
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I'm 24(M). Afab but transitioned FtM as a teen. I have Autism, BPD, and ADHD. I've been suffering from depression from these combined problem since I was 14, though I struggled in life before that. I never got the proper help I needed with my ADHD and ended up getting my GED after dropping out at 16. I never went to college-I don't really see the point for the average person who isn't going into a medical feild or science or academic etc. feild. I wasn't diagnosed with autism until I was 19, and by then it was too late for any intervention to help. I go through life spending so much time masking I hardly know who I am, and I have one friend outside of my mother and grandmother-my cousin. I'm single, very solitary, and thanks to the autism I severely struggle to connect with, communicate with, and even just Meet new people. I'm not the brightest. Sure, I'm self aware and have decent common sense, but when it comes to just about anything that requires a quick wit, good memory, or academic knowledge, I just don't do well. Never have, especially in school. Got my IQ tested and got a lower than average score for a below average processing speed.
My hobbies and passions can be summed up as gaming, writing, drawing, youtube, and cats. I have an okay job, above minimum wage but not very high, full time, night shifts, 40 hour work week. I have a car, its crummy but I have one. Got my license at 23. Smoke weed and drink alcohol to feel good before I go to bed at night, hide the alcohol from my family though. I'm not dependent (yet) but I know I'm heading down that slippery slope, I just can't compell myself to stop.
I never had an idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up, as a kid. After I grew out of the usual responses (I wanna be a wolf when I grow up!) it fell rapidly into a whole lot of... oh... I don't know...
I love animals. Most animal oriented careers though... don't think I've got skin tough enough for that shit, heartbreaking stuff a lot of the time. Heartwarming stuff too, but I could never handle the heartbreaking stuff. I love video games, but I just don't have the brains and skills needed to design or make them. Would never do art as a career, I wanna keep loving it-I know I'd learn to hate it if I had to do it to survive.
I'm what my cousin calls a "Pessimistic nihilist." I follow the concept that in the grand scheme of things there is no such thing as a great cosmic purpose and no inherent meaning to being alive. I know that some people honest feel better knowing that, but I guess that's where the pessimism comes in. For me, it makes it worse, honestly, because I have a hard time giving myself purpose. So the fact that, inherently, there is not purpose to life in the first place just makes it all the tougher to slog along.
I've worked retail, worked on farms, even worked taking inventory for retail companies. My current job is a pretty lazy job working night security for a coprorate building. Mostly just watching cameras, walking around, and watching TV. Pays better than any of the other jobs I've had, ironically...
I don't want to do this forever, though. I want to do something with purpose, something where I can have a house one day.
The thing is... I don't see that happening. I don't see myself as capable of having a purpose. All this time, slogging through the bullshit of life with a permanently malfunctioning brain, I'm tired. I haven't even glimpsed a sense of purpose yet, and I get it. I get that it's supposed to be 'normal at this age.' But I just don't know if I've got it in me. I'm pretty damn skeptical that theres a light at the end of my tunnel. And if there is, and it's just so far away I can't see it yet? I don't know if I have enough Go left in me to make it there. Wherever there is meant to be. A lot of people never find a purpose. I fear I'm one of them. I don't know what to do. Living in my bedroom, in my grandmother's house, lonely, isolate, depressed. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up, I'm just tired of this hopelessness. And it's almost scary, because I don't know what to do anymore. With every step I take in life, I feel further and further away from meaning something to anyone-even just myself. I want to be happy. I want to succeed. But I've worked so hard and got so... not far. I think I'm too slow. Could never keep up with my peers, socially or academically. And it's just getting worse as I get older. I lag further and further behind the people around me, I accomplish less and less, and I'm still practically a kid, as far as most older folks will tell me. And yet I'm exhausted. So I just don't know what to do.
Feels like I'm standing on a rope suspended high in there air, and I can't see anything under me. The only way off it is to jump, but if I jump I don't know where I'm gonna land. Don't know if there's a net, don't know if it'll be a leap of faith or a suicide, don't have the energy in me to walk the rope anymore, though. All turned around, too, so if I did walk that rope I could easily just end up back at square one. Or just fall off anyway.
I need help. I'm on medication, been in therapy since I was a teen. But I'm lost. Seems like it's only getting worse, even with all that help. I don't know what I need... but I need something. Cause sometimes, when I wake up... I find myself hoping there isn't a net under that metaphorical rope, and that if I jump it can just be over. I want to get better. I don't know if I can.
| 6 |
Job rejections got me feeling demotivated
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I’ve been trying to find a better job the past few months. I had been pretty selective of what I apply to, and I honestly think I have a pretty good interview rate relative to the number of jobs I’ve sent applications to.
However, I haven’t managed to get any job offers, and I find myself exhausted and suffering from low morale because of the whole process. I apply to job listings that I like, tailor my cover letter and resume to each one, and, when I get called for an interview, I get way ahead of myself searching for everything that I can find on the company culture, benefits, etc (basically imagining myself in the role already). Then, I just get disappointing news each time.
The job rejections have taken a toll on my confidence and I find myself feeling very demotivated. I even go back to reading the rejection emails as some sort of masochistic exercise. Now, I find it hard to muster up some enthusiasm when looking at job boards, because I’m just filled with this feeling of hopelessness.
I guess I just need some advice on how to deal/cope with it better. I wish there was some “off switch” to feeling this way.
| 17 |
How can I improve my writing skills?
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I think my writing skills are below average and I would really like to improve it because I do enjoy writing, I just feel insecure because I want to be concise and I don’t think I am able yo effectively express my thoughts.
Other then practicing writing daily, what are other tips or resources I could use to improve my writing skills as much as I can?
| 1 |
What do you guys remind yourself when things get hard?
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When you hit a low spot in your journey, what makes you keep going? what is motivating you to get out of bed and do better? What do you remind yourself to push through the low points?
| 1 |
I’ve developed severe social anxiety, and I need help learning to be social again.
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I’d always been extremely personable and friendly. I was generally well-liked and had no problems making friends. In college, I joined a sorority and lived off-campus with 8 roommates. I went to every single social event and went out 4 nights a week.
Yesterday, I turned 30, and I realized how much I’ve cut myself off from the world, and how much I’ve changed for the worse. I get severe social anxiety — I walk with a slouch with my head down, trying to make myself “smaller” so no one notices me. I make plans and cancel them last minute because I’m too anxious. Last month I cancelled on a friend’s funeral because I was having a panic attack.
I’m embarrassed about *everything* I am. I am overweight, I drink too much, I’m unemployed, and I get terrible hormonal acne. It’s led me to self-isolate, which just makes everything even worse. I do attend therapy regularly, but I stopped taking my meds months ago.
Even so… I got SO many loving messages for my birthday. So many from people I haven’t spoken to or kept up with in ages. It felt so nice, to have them reach out. It felt like they were saying “I’m still here. And I still care.”
I don’t want to fade into oblivion for another year. I really want to focus on being a better friend, and strengthening these relationships.
I wish my social anxiety was something I could just “turn off,” but I can’t. And it’s not just “I get panic attacks when I leave the house,” it’s also avoiding texting people back because I haven’t thought up the *perfect* response yet, or anxiously over-sharing and psychobabbling/rambling when I finally respond months later.
For the socially anxious — how do you maintain friendships? Is there anything I can do to reassure myself that I’m worthy of having friends? I have a lot of deep self-loathing that I’ve been working on for years, but I haven’t been able to overcome it. I still can’t understand how all these wonderful people want to be friends with *me* of all people.
Any advice appreciated. Thank you for reading 🤍
| 1 |
I want to quit smoking
|
I smoke cigarettes and weed. I want to quit both. I'm unsure if I should quit both at the same time or one at a time. And if one at a time, which first? I have the feeling quiting both at the same time might cause extreme irritability. Any experience with quitting both either at once or one at a time, please share.
| 5 |
I have a spending issue and it's ruining my life
|
I am 23 and have combined presentation ADHD and autism. I have learning disabilities as well) and i am currently in university. Because of my inability to use money properly, my mom has taken over my finances (most of it anyways), any student loans or bursaries I get, she puts them in another account to which I don't have access to it. She told me today that when I get married, my future husband will have to take over my finances since I can't do them well on my own.
I know she's right about my inability to use my money properly, but it still hurts. I feel like a failure and I don't know what to do.
| 24 |
Seeking an accountability partner
|
Hi everyone, I hope you are having a good day.
Recently, I entered a dip following some kind of illness that I'm working on diagnosing. It's been challenging finding motivation to get out there and work on my goals, but I want to, still.
I have so many ideas and projects I want to persue, and responsibilities I need to uphold, but I struggle to find people with whom I can share my little successes, inspiration and challenges.
I would like to share self growth with someone to keep myself accountable and to support other person's drive to push each other and serve as a reminder of our goals.
If some info about me will be of any value, I would like to particularly develop self discipline which I never had because I jump onto motivation rush and quickly lose momentum, lacking tools to actually sustain it, because I slacked in school and university and never learned discipline. I would like to be more consistent with journaling, meditation and make it a steady part of my life, because I lose a grip and avoid touching grass. I also would like to return to the gym which I've been slacking due to health, but realistically speaking I must keep this habit alive for my own good. I lost a will to build a perfect body, but I want to build a healthy one and help it function. I also half hazardly learn Chinese and Spanish which I would like to be, again, just consistent. And finally I'm working on a professional certificate for a new career and have a goal of bettering my life.
I also love reading, anime and science. My recent read is James Baldwins "Notes of a Native Son".
If you are interested in growing and learning together, I'm happy to be your self growth partner :)
| 3 |
How do I wake up in the mornings?
|
For the better part of all of last year, I was waking up at 5 AM every day, whether I had to work soon or not. If I had the extra time before a shift I'd work out, meditate, make a healthy breakfast, read and have a coffee. But the waking up part was easy. Now I work a different job that I enjoy but know I will be leaving soon, live in a beautiful apart but again, will be leaving soon. I can't wake up on time to save my life. For a while I was setting alarms with funny verbal messages like "get up fucker" that would make me burst out laughing and be awake. Now I snooze through anything and everything. Am I depressed? Am I just checked out of my current situation and that's why I can't be bothered to care? Is there anything I can do to help me get up when I intend to?
| 20 |
Trying to figure out how to take better care of my teeth
|
I don’t take care of my teeth all that well but I can feel the difference in my mouth. I know how this can end and I want to stop it from happening but I have no motivation to it. I think apart of it might be because I was forced to do it and hated it, which was good for young me but at the same now that I’m older I have no motivation. I use do it when I take a shower which is every other day. But I know I need to be doing this every day, and really twice. Im going to focus on at least once a day for now.
I’ve thought about trying to mentally separate my teeth from me, so instead of viewing it as me, the teeth are it’s own thing.
I also want too make my own toothpaste. If it’s something I make I tend to use it more often. Plus I can make it in different flavors.
Anyone have any to add that might help or give improvements on my ideas so far?
| 1 |
How to make sound and compassionate decisions in times of strong cognitive dissonance and emotional turmoil?
|
I (30F) am in a priviledged position: I have a high-paying job, live in a beautiful Mediterranean country and can remote work.
While I'm very fortunate in the areas of financial stability and physical flexibility, sitting down in front of the screen from 9 to 6pm in a role business-orientated is hurting me and I am going through the toughest period of my life on a relationship level.
I am a very intellectually curious person and often struggle to focus given the amount of interesting areas of knowledge and content to explore. This makes it really hard for me to:
1. Find clarity
2. Commit to something
3. As a result make decisions.
On a personal level, I am single and looking after my 92 yeard old grandmother. After living alone for many years and loving it, I've also realised that in the toughest periods of our lives, the classics of philosophy, psychology, neuroscience and physics cannot compete with the presence and warmth of a loved one, even if dysfunctional. And that's really fucked up, my biology wants me to connect with people but I don't want to depend on anyone. She also needs someone with my profile - loving, warm and caring - to look after her for now. She doesn't get that from my mother or my brother.
Yet I also see how being around my family goes against my well-being and I don't want to live in the city where I live. Ideally I would move somewhere in the coast with an international community and low/medium rents to save to buy a house or experiment as an entrepreneur.
Oh, so many options and pros and cons.
On the emotional side, I've been struggling with depression, inclussive of suicidal thoughts, in the last 2 years. I've spent a lot of money in therapy, I've changed countries, etc., to get myself out of this hole and not much is helping. While joy is temporary, a profound sorrow is almost always lurking.
I am writing this in case someone has already been there, to hopefully leverage the wonderful collective intelligence in this community and get out of this hole I am in.
Thank you for reading :)
| 21 |
Lack of sympathy/empathy(?)
|
How do I feel pity for others? Why don’t I feel anything for both fictional and actual human beings? A few years back my mum constantly took out her anger on me, saying stuff like “I wish I had never given birth to you”..etc..you know how it goes, yet the first time she said that to me and from then on I never really felt anything. It didn’t affect me whatsoever I don’t feel hurt nor sad. Those words never stung me, it felt like nothing. I also have a hard time dealing with my friends when they vent their problems to me because I don’t know how to approach it
| 1 |
Dad's philosophy
|
My dad was actually my grandfather-my bio parents died in a car crash when I was a baby. He passed away a number of years ago. He was around 90.
I miss him and my mom (grandmother) terribly. They were both kind, loving people that always did their best. They also took in strays that my sister and I brought home (a friend of mine was having problems at home with an alcoholic parent. My mom used to start making bigger family meals and told my friend he was welcome at our house any time).
They were very good people.
Mom was actually less emotional than dad - he would get weepy at the drop of a hat. Mom was also very loving but she was a bit of a matriarch. I only saw her cry twice in my life.
Dad was a very happy, friendly person. "Hail and well met, fellow!" Mom was a class A worrywart (I take after her, naturally). Their marriage dynamic worked like this - intelligent, college-educated mom would work herself into a knot over something and dad (Michigan farmboy who never had no book learnin') would patiently work on loosening the knot.
This was kinda pop's specialty. No matter what shit was going down, dad would just kinda...I don't know, just manage to wrestle the problem down until it seemed manageable. Afterwards, you would think "ok, this is actually something I can deal with."
He was also famous for being able to sleep no matter what. In the middle of any crisis he would put his head on the pillow and be sound asleep in five minutes. Used to drive mom nuts lol
The reason he could do that was because somehow, despite being the son of a tenant farmer in northern Michigan around the turn of the last century, going through the Depression, serving in WW2, and going through an unbearable tragedy when my parents died and they wound up raising 2 small children just about when they were considering retirement, he had developed a kind of Buddhist zen philosophy.
His philosophy was, "If you're worried about something, do whatever you can to fix it during the day. At night, just let it go and get a good night's sleep and keep at it the next day."
Dad was as good as his word. He never lost sleep over things he had no control over. And he often prevailed because, I think, his philosophy encouraged endurance without making a big deal out of it.
Anyways, hope dad's advice can help anyone struggling with problems that are overwhelming. They helped me a lot. And I used to be a very shitty person. I've got a lot better over the years, partly due to dad's advice.
I miss you pops! 😭😭😭😭
And you mom! 😢😭🥹
| 359 |
I'm afraid I'm turning alcoholic
|
Hey, so I'm improving my life in a lot of way ; I've quit weed for a few months now, I'm also starting on my way to stop smoking tobacco, I'm working more and losing weight. However I've just realized for a week I drank every day.
I never drink a lot, maybe one or two glasses of "soft" alcoholic drinks (wine or beer), I don't really get drunk but still I can't help myself. For three days I'm telling myself "I won't drink tomorrow" but still do it.
Should I be worried? I'll definitely talk about this to my therapist on my next session but in the meantime do you have any advice for me ? Thanks in advance!
(Also sorry for bad english)
| 5 |
I CANNOT wake up!!
|
So, I’ve been struggling for years to get up in the mornings and I’m impossible to wake up. I can’t wake up to my alarms, my husband can’t wake me up when he comes in from work (he works night shift), I just cant wake up!! I’m a mom to a 3 month old and the only thing I wake up to is him crying. But I’ve been sleeping like 12 hours because he does too and I don’t know what to do! Please help!!! I need advice to try to wake up!
| 4 |
I Have Never Liked Myself, How Do I?
|
I am a 35M and I don't think at any point in my entire life I liked myself or anything about myself and it's really done a lot of damage to my life, self-confidence, etc. and and I don't know to get better. I don't like how I look, how I speak, how I think, my lack of any skills, my social anxiety/awkwardness, everything. Even appearance wise, as a young kid there was a way I wanted to look and instead nature took it's course and I am as opposite as you can get. I have never been able to internally think positively about myself or anything like that, it's nothing or negative and if I even try to think positive about something I am trying to do or anything about myself I just feels extremely put off and weird about it, not like there is much to say anyways.
What do I do to basically completely 180 my thinking?
| 0 |
5 Steps to Boost Your Skills: A small guide from personal experience
|
As a member of a startup team, we set aside 4-5 hours every week to enhance our skills. Here are our not-so-secret steps.
1.Master the Basics
On average, it takes about a year, plus another year of hands-on experience to nail the basic skills. After this, you might notice most basic courses start to sound like echoes. But this is where the fun part begins!
Where to get: Lectures, books, YouTube, podcasts, courses, articles, mentors, university - you name it.
2. Diversify Your Study Field
Ever heard of cross-pollination in learning? You've got to venture beyond your specific study area. Get curious about related fields - it's a way to take your skills up a notch.
Where to get: Related topics + Colleagues
3. Gain Insights From Other Fields
There's a sweet spot where observation turns into insight. It's like a knowledge goldmine. Look at works from fields related to, or even far from, yours. You'll be surprised at how this can spice up your professional toolkit.
Where to get: Other people's works from related fields. The farther the field, the more useful the knowledge.
4. Your Work, Your Way
Now, this is where you get to blend your personal passions with your work. Got an interest that's entirely separate from work? Why not bring that into play? It's a blank canvas for experimentation and might give you a unique spin on your skills.
Where to get: Hobbies, other areas of your interest.
5. Try Mentorship
In the end, the best person who may tell about your skills is, well, you! Teaching others what you know is a way to deepen your understanding. It's like viewing your skills from a different lens. Plus, it's super rewarding!
How about you? How many hours per week do you dedicate to learning something new in your field? Let's share and learn together.
| 5 |
Day 7 | Month 2 | Year 0
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No early sleep but work done and exercise done
Improvement: work done
Goals for tomorrow: 1 more subject of work completed
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :|
Post written at 1:02am
| 3 |
Short Productive Breaks and Belly Fat
|
26M been in a WFH role for long time now. The busy schedule made it impossible to dedicate hours to intense workouts, but I was determined to find a way to reduce my belly fat. With a newfound commitment, I embarked on a journey to make the most of my short breaks and reclaim my fitness.
Split breaks using Pomodoro technique, actually designed something to track it and my motions being an electronic engineer. I designed a tailored routine focused on targeting my belly fat. Crunches, planks, bicycle kicks, and high-intensity interval training (HIIT) exercises became my companions during those brief moments of respite.
How did I keep going, I pitched this idea to few of my friends and they joined me as well, currently we're a small community taking exercise breaks(moonlighting) during office hours. Sharing my fitness journey with community had an unexpected side effect. We formed a hilarious support group, complete with our own inside jokes and quirky challenges. There were times when we'd break into spontaneous plank competitions.
Took me next to 4 months to do it, but it never has been more fun and interesting. Onto next new challenge and community using the technique. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to perfect my planking skills and entertain my friends with some belly-busting jokes!
| 3 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 15 of 180 self improvement plan
|
Started my day teaching chemistry. Read paper 🗞️. Joined a discord server for studying as a group.
Completed one module of the course by 4PM. Went to the gym. Did 52KG strict overhead presses for 3 reps. Mostly did black out on the last rep. Did 80KG legs up bench press for 3 reps x 6 sets.
Came home. Was already late for my task. But, a dear friend of mine. Called. Spoke to him around 50 mins. Now, it was around 9PM. I was like, i won't be able to do today's task. But, I managed somehow.
Wrote to LinkedIn articles. One was about how thinking in different languages can make our argument stronger and precise.
Completed another module of the course. Did learn about e-commerce and Shopify.
At last, student data interpretation.
On track on my plan.
| 2 |
Anybody else feeling this?
|
Anyone else feeling an odd sense of reassurance regarding yourself in this world becoming more uncertain lately?
| 1 |
chronic unnecessary shame?
|
I (21F) have noticed I feel shame for things I shouldn’t. I’ve noticed that I’ll feel ashamed of things that aren’t wrong or even shameful like changes in interests and such in which there should be no shame at all it’s just different. I’m not sure exactly what is causing this but any tips/advice?
| 10 |
How do I get over my regret from homeschooling and move on with my life?
|
My (f18) parents let me stop going to school at age 11 because I told them I had bad social anxiety, and I didn't go back until I was a junior in high school. During those 4-5 years I did little except lay in my bed and stare at my phone. I had no friends and was pretty isolated from the outside world.
Once I started going back to normal school and got into a routine schedule, i was happy and making friends again and since then I've just felt this crushing regret for all the years I've lost and all the memories I didn't make. My sister is 2 years older than me, so I missed having her in the same school as me which would've been fun. All the activities I was involved in i really enjoyed and I regret that I only had 1 or 2 years to participate in them. I just graduated and it's hard for me to feel excited for college.
The regret keeps me up at night and it's the first thing I think about when I wake up. I'm so fucking mad at myself. My social anxiety didn't improve, it got worse. Nothing good came out of the homeschooling.
| 3 |
How do I learn how to be more emotionally intelligent?
|
How long does it take for a person to change a habit like gaslighting?
| 1 |
I’m done cheating on my wife.
|
I’ve cheated on my wife 3 times and this last time I really broke her we went to my mother and told her and it really opened my eyes. When I was in high school I watched my mom go through something similar and I actually tried to kill that man. I took a look at how I created the same situation in my marriage and I am done with it. It’s going to be hard but I’m in therapy and I WILL be a better husband, son, and a better man for myself as well.
| 0 |
Couple months after deciding...
|
* I have a wonderful partner who loves and supports me
* I have a 3.75 GPA in college
* I have 2 interviews with the bank coming up
* I feel so much better
I sometimes miss my old friends. But they sat around doing nothing with their lives. I feel like I'm actually making progress. Changing your social circle is actually so important
| 25 |
Coping strategies for self harm thoughts
|
I feel like whenever I get a thought I’m uncomfortable with my automatic response is I hate myself I should hurt myself. It’s a very poor coping strategy that I’ve been stuck with for years. It almost feels a little ocd like in the sense it’s an obsessive thought I have and I need to think something negative to snap me out of it and ease it. It’s caused a lot by anxiety so I would like some mindfulness strategies to express more compassion towards myself and replace it with some new coping strategies. Thanks for anyone who takes time to respond to this:)
| 1 |
Quit weed and nicotine 5 months ago!
|
It was really tough in the beginning. Can’t believe the kind of withdrawals I went through. Had been a smoker for 20+ yrs. This is my first time quitting weed. Feels different being sober.. no more excuses
| 10 |
I really, really, really want a hug
|
Hi guys, sorry for making this post, I just really needed to let my thoughts out. I've been touched and emotionally deprived for a couple of years, I thought I had gotten used to it but it has actually gotten worse.
There's a youtube I like to watch (I won't say its name) he's very funny, charismatic, and wholesome. I recently started more videos about him and he's in a relationship with a girl, and God I feel like such a piece of shit when they are together, it's not even funny.
I really want to feel good and happy for them, but lately, every time that I see them together I start to feel bitter, and think dumb stuff like: "Yeah, of course, you have a partner you are not undesirable like me" or "I bet you wouldn't be so happy if you had to endure the same life as I do."
I'm conscious of how dumb and toxic these thoughts are, but I just can't help it. I recently just turned 22, I even made a post to let my thoughts out at the time. I know that I'm still young and all of that, but I'm working hard okay, I'm fucking trying, I try every fucking day to be better, and then I see those guys and they don't have to work, they just have to be themselves and they are able to connect with people!
I feel like damaged goods, I know that my job is to keep going, but well, I guess I'm just tired, It's very hard for me to have hope, hope that things will get better for me, I think that's it, I hope I can a little and feel better tomorrow, thank you for reading.
| 14 |
financial irresponsibility
|
I (21F) struggle a lot mentally and struggle with needing constant stimulus, which I get through buying and reading through a ton of books. However, I’ve become irresponsible with my money. I spend a good chunk on books, and I’ve been working for about 11 months and haven’t saved up any money (I currently live with my parents and am trying to go back to college after a failed semester and a year off). I feel really ashamed of this and I feel like I should have it together more by now. How can I be more financially responsible in the future, any tips?
| 0 |
Public Journal To Fix My Life | Day 9 of 90
|
Hello everyone! I hope you all had a great day. **Here's a summary for new readers**:
This journal serves as a way for me to stay accountable on my journey of healing and self-improvement. I'm determined to overcome the challenges I face and believe that this journal plays a crucial role in my progress. While it may not always be interesting or entertaining to read, it will always be honest and real.
Now, let's dive into today's entry. It was a really good day for me. I started my morning with my usual 10-minute meditation, but this time I added about 3 minutes of stretching before taking a cold bath for the first time. It was quite challenging as my body instinctively wanted to escape the cold water, but I focused on my breath and managed to withstand it. The experience left me feeling really good, and I plan to incorporate it into my morning routine going forward.
Afterwards, I headed to college to take a midterm exam. It took me a solid 4 hours, but I felt confident in my performance and believe I could achieve a score of at least 9 out of 10. Once the exam was over, I biked back home, enjoying the exercise despite initially taking a wrong turn and getting momentarily lost. It turned out to be a pleasant opportunity to explore the city a bit more.
Upon reaching home, I had a satisfying meal and watched a documentary about my favorite soccer team's recent Champions League victory ("En EL Corazón de la 14" for those interested). It was awesome. Later in the evening, despite the cold and rain, I went for a run. I refused to make excuses as I recognize that if I didn't go today, I might never go again. It turned out to be a successful run, especially as I enjoyed the tranquility of the nearly empty park during the nighttime. Throughout the run, I set goals for myself, focusing on my breath and visualizing continuing to run over my limits. It greatly helped me stay motivated, even though I ended up exhausted.
Returning home, I brewed ginger tea with lemon and honey, and spent some time conversing with my roommates. Overall, it was a calm and fulfilling day, and I'm proud of my accomplishments.
Looking ahead, I have a slightly crazy plan for tomorrow. I want to catch the sunrise in a park with a magnificent view and take some pictures. Since the sunrise is at 5:06 am, and public transportation isn't available at that time, I'll need to bike there. While I admit it might be a bit risky as I'm unfamiliar with the route, I believe it's a risk worth taking. After all, what's the worst that could happen, right?
Now, I'll spend some time reading 10 pages of a book on communication titled "How to Talk to Anyone," followed by my meditation session before getting some sleep. I'll see you all tomorrow!
| 7 |
How to not be grumpy when plans go bad?
|
I recently when on a little day trip with a friend to a nearby city for him to get something important done, we knew it was a smaller town with nothing really to do but we tried to plan to make something out of it. Maybe hit up some dumb landmarks just to say we did something.
This didn't really go according to plan, we ended up having to walk everywhere in really hot weather because as broke college students Uber isn't the best option, the town ended up being worse than expected with nothing being open besides a food truck stop where the most basic thing cost the same price as a whole day of train tickets, and money was a problem as my cards got frozen because of the bank thinking it was stolen or something.
I should have made the best out of the situation, I was with my best friend in a somewhat so bad it's funny moment and made some memories or something. Which I did not do, instead, I complained about how stupid the trip was and how mad I was that it wasn't going to plan. Even as we sat down and he got something to eat all I could talk about was how stupid the food prices were and that I would rather stay hungry until we got back home. Around this point is when friend stopped really talking as much and just popped in his earbuds until we missed our train, got the much later one, and got back home finally.
I was just a grumpy, angry mess until we got home and what could have been a dumb memory ended up being something he's disappointed in me about. When I calmed down which feels dumb to even say, I could tell he was pretty much treating me like a child having a tantrum. He just wanted me to shut up and end the day faster. I've been through a lot and even just leaving the the city where I live was a lot for me but I'm so mad that I messed up a whole day.
| 3 |
THIS IS NOT HARMLESS: if either you're the one complaining or you're tolerating someone else doing it, you are creating a Groundhog Day type situation that will persist forever until someone literally dies
|
My mom for as long as I've known her has complained about how she'll be doing housework till 10 pm and she'll be at the brink of exhaustion and will have to drag her body to the shower at 10:30 pm to finally finish her day.
What she's doing is actually spending 3-4 hours everyday making Thanksgiving style elaborate meals that one one asked for. Imagine someone spending half the day pounding out dough and making wonton dumplings from scratch. The whole time she's making the food she'll be grumbling expletives like the exorcist and when it's dinner time, people are all like WTF, why is this witch so angry.
Fast forward to last weekend where I was visiting, she was doing the same shit, and instead of falling over myself to thank her for being a martyr, I just said that what she was doing was really dumb.
She acted shocked of course, but I kept saying the same thing over and over again. How can someone complain about the same shit every single day and not figure out a way to change things? I don't know if that will change anything but my sister in law got her an instantpot, so hopefully dinner doesn't take half the day anymore.
| 338 |
I want to get therapy, but I’m scared
|
I want and NEED therapy. Like BAD. I kept putting it off for so long, but I think I’m ready now. But there’s some things stopping me.
I have an opportunity to get therapy, I’m grateful that I can since a lot of people cannot, yet still, therapy is such a turn off to me sometimes. The main reason is because, I DO NOT want to tell A RANDOM PERSON my trauma. The scary thing is that this person I barely know will know my secrets, my thoughts, my fears, the cringy shit I did when I was 11. like what if one day they just decide to say “fuck it, let’s throw them in a mental institution” (even though I’m sure I don’t have anything that serious going on). Or what if they see me succeed one day and tell my boss that I had an intrusive though if taking candy from a baby? What if my therapist secretly judges my actions?
Not only that, but the whole process of the first day of therapy is scary, because who knows how bad it could get? Or how good?
If it’s bad, I probably most likely won’t talk to a therapist ever again
If it’s good, I’ll be to overly reliant
Lastly, I’ve been using myself as a therapist. I will talk things out with myself until I get a conclusion. It was working out before, but now it’s getting so draining to spend an entire day, day after day, week after week, mont after month of me trying to convince myself of certain things. Being my own therapist feels so mentally draining and I’m starting to just feel so shitty(which is why I want to switch to an ACTUAL therapist)
Please convince me to get a therapist. Shares stories, if not about therapy, just ways that have helped you get better. Idk. Just wtf should I do?!
| 2 |
Recently finished Mindset by Carol S.Dweck, want more growth mindset media
|
I finished Mindset recently and it's amazing, I definitely advise people to read / listen to it. I'm going to listen to it again for its growth mindset improvements (as I have lots of fixed traits) and I wanted more places to learn and improve on it too.
So if anyone has other books, podcasts (even individual episodes), YouTube channels etc that are a good for learning further and self improving (growth mindset prefered) then post them here :)
Hopefully this can be useful for other people too for a specific area to improve.
P.S. First time poster on here and long lurker. Ive seen the great advice people have given on here and appreciate everyone that has helped in the community!
Cheers
| 1 |
21, failed to launch
|
I'm 21 and I'm basically a NEET.
How do I feel ok about being a loser, ok about the waste my life has been, so I can work on making it better?
I know lots of ways I could improve my life. I think fundamentally avoiding is easier, and I struggle with motivation when nothing comes of my efforts.
I have most of the knowledge I need; how do I put that wisdom into practice, and how do I create the imoetus for change?
| 10 |
Support humans?
|
This is kind of silly, but...what if there were support humans who served the place of support animals but, well...humans instead?
If you were sad and needed some cuddling, or you just wanted to sob into a supportive human chest while they patted you and told you to let it all out. You open your app and 30 minutes later a kind stranger showed up with open arms. After you feel better, they give you a hug and you give them a 5 star rating. Then off to help others!
I would gladly pay for that!
| 13 |
speak your mind when you’re afraid?
|
I (21f) have a very difficult time speaking my mind about anything really-drink orders, movie preferences, problem solving in friendships, etc are all pretty much impossible for me to state my mind about. I want to get better at this, but the fear is very paralyzing-how can I get better at this without overwhelming myself?
| 5 |
When Reddit goes dark in protest, I might delete, altogether
|
I’m not at all up to speed…certain subs are going dark for 24+ hours on June 12 to protest some change going on at Reddit that makes being a mod more difficult and will increase spam and trolling. I haven’t taken the time to get educated on this.
I might use it as an opportunity to just delete the app and my account and hold off as long as I can before starting over.
It won’t be easy. Reddit, like Facebook, can be useful. There are many subs about investing, cooking, travel etc - useful info. But yet, I don’t seem to get much more informed after having it.
If I end up on Ticktock or the ‘gram, then just shoot me.
| 373 |
Internet addiction: not good, not bad enough
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Looking for my tipping point. Reality is that for a while now I recognize addictive nature of my internet use and I notice myself giving in to the digital womb of sweat oblivion too much. I wish more for myself though, I don't like how fast the time is passing and most of the days I greet the disappointment, smaller or larger because of it. However, I am doing relatively good, good enough at least so there is not enough pressure/need built up to kick me to face the reality and change it. I see my weaknesses as I give in, I see myself wanting to change, but the truth is that I don't feel a true *wish* to change, my *why* is not substantial. I have many of those whys, but they are not sustainable as I just try to be a parent for myself with an abstract idea of *potential*, but myself is not really listening. Is this dragging of a stubborn horse, day after day, occasionally winning a little victory the reasonable strategy? Is there a way to reduce the resistance? Or is it a pattern of addiction in itself where I am in some blindspot?
| 2 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 14 of 180 self improvement plan
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Started my day teaching chemistry 🧪. Taught aldol condensation.
Read paper 🗞️. Slept for 2 hours, afterthat.
Wrote few copies and edited my first blog post.
Went to the gym. Did 150 kg 5 Deadlift. 50 kg front squats for 6.
Didn't even start with any task assigned for the day. It was already 7:30pm.
Started with the data interpretation concept. Then jumped to the course, completed 2 modules. At last, did ✍️ write a LinkedIn post.
On track on my plan.
| 4 |
How do I stop biting my nails?
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I’ve been doing it as a kid and I’m just embarrassed now. It’s not just my nails but also the skin around it and anything on my hand that I can catch a grip on with my teeth.
I don’t want to hide my hands anymore. I even hide them from my wife. I want to have nice hands.
I started biting them even more when I quit vaping nicotine last year. Now I’m even biting the skin inside of my cheeks a lot.
| 1 |
trying to escape vanity
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This year I have made so many positive changes in my life. I am in a wildly better place physically, mentally, and emotionally. And yet I am struggling with some of my positive decisions, and realize I have yet to tackle my vanity and obsession with exterior appearance.
When I cut alcohol out of my life 4 years ago, I saw significant internal and external improvements. I lost a ton of weight, and was glowing. I hadn’t committed to sobriety, but life was on a upward trajectory.
This past year I finally made the move to cut out all drugs, mainly marijuana, but also nicotine, occasional cocaine and harder drug use, etc. I started therapy and AA. I started going to the gym. I quit sugar and started hydrating like crazy. I feel amazing, my friendships and work life are thriving, I am seeing and adventuring more, and feel so whole.
But the kicker is I don’t LOOK better. Because of the appearance improvements that occurred when I quit drinking, I just kind of assumed all these healthy life choices would leave me thin, glowing, and beautiful.
I have gained 10 plus pounds. I am getting older. I am not nauseated and anxious all the time from weed and nicotine so I am eating real meals. I’m not going on drug fueled rave energy (which was a ton of physical exercise). I used to have abs for no reason, and give off a kind of manic pixie vibe and now I look healthy, more solid and take up more space. And I hate it.
How can I move past this vanity and self centeredness. Everyone in my life is better of because of my choices. I am better off. And still fantasizing about my drug riddled, exhausting, and anxiety inducing past just because I was thinner and cuter. I am frustrated because I didn’t even realize how vain I truly am until I gained a negligible amount of weight.
Time to get over this and be better for real, I just don’t know how.
| 4 |
How do I open up, emotionally, to my therapist?
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So I'm a guy and I'm having a hard time opening up to my therapist and he knows it. I think a big reason is simply that I generally feel uncomfortable with talking about feelings and the like, especially when it comes to the really intimate things I'm extra guarded about.
I guess most men feel this way, due to society telling us to "man up" and claiming we're not allowed to have any feelings aside from anger and lust. I personally don't even buy into the whole thing about toxic masculinity.
I'm perfectly fine talking about emotions and my deepest most personal secrets with people online, mainly due to the anonymity that's provided here. But when it comes to opening up to people in real life, I just can't do it.
Heck, I can't even bring myself to tell my therapist about exactly these things I'm talking about right here in this post. I'm tempted to just give him a link so he can read the post rather than telling him personally.
| 10 |
Day 6 | Month 2 | Year 0
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I have finally formed one habit. Time to improve bit by bit
Improvement: Habit formed, completed one entire subject of work.
Goals for tomorrow: Complete the next subject of work, followed by doing 20 pushups and sleep at 10:00pm if possible
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :)
Post written at 12:25am
| 3 |
Did I miss out on a Global Shared Experience by being unconscious during Covid?
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Too long: summary is that I went into coma spring of 2020, came out but stayed completely isolated until late 2020. So guys, did I miss anything?
I think I missed out on the first ever global shared event - shared by the whole world - except me.
I had a massive bacterial infection (i.e. not Covid) in spring of 2020. An internal Infection was being contained by my body within a large cyst. It continued to grow and when it breached the walls, I was walking across the living room, screamed ‘call an ambulance’ and then …
I woke up in a forest next to a beach it was cold and foggy, little pebbles instead of sand under my hands… skip through running from a mass mob, being stalked by a serial killer, caught in a war zone, killed by friendly fire, dying, going to a 1970’s movie theater with red carpet and blue walls, taken to a room with a big bed with a velvety comforter – it was like laying on a parachute that was losing air - where I was told to lay, relax and watch old movies (I spent a lot of time here – seems significant), a really weird conversation with a peacock wearing thigh highs, a comedy show with all my friends and everyone was afraid of being called up so I guess it was a karaoke comedy bar. More Stuff happened. Fighting in war trenches. I was in a platoon where a crazy, spoiled 9 year old who didn’t speak my language kept sending me on suicide missions while he played video games(spent a long time here too – over and over, very video gamey). In my world, a World War had broken out, but the lines were totally amorphous, which made being behind enemy lines dependent solely on which way you were standing. Many months I lived in that world – fighting for my life but sometimes laughing and experiencing some really amazing things and meeting some amazing people and …
I woke up shackled with bright white bands around my arms and legs connecting me to the bed in a hospital. I had stuff all over my face and beeping all around me. Months had passed. Time continued to pass. Because of Covid I was totally isolated, no visitors, the hospital staff were all very busy, and I was pretty much kept in my little room. The hospital allowed my laptop in, and I had Netflix, HBO, Disney and Amazon. The nurse told me she was going to be my best friend and she deleted the short cut link to facebook. With the only method of input being a mouse, anything involving typing would have taken a commitment the very nice painkillers didn’t allow. Very Isolated.
So now it’s 2023 and I think I have missed out on something. The whole world now has a massive SHARED EVENT (capitalized for emphasis) that I don’t have. People around me talk about things and tell jokes that I don’t get. I’m a reasonably intelligent person so I don’t think I’m just not smart enough to get the jokes – I don’t get memes and tropes at all; I know that septic shock can cause brain damage but I don’t think that’s it either – I am back at work and functioning mentally same as before. I think I missed a very important shard event.
When I say this, people say ‘gosh I wish I had slept through covid’, but do you? I mean – the way people laugh and bond around me, I feel like I missed something very important. I’m very much Outside.
Add to that, I didn’t just fall asleep and wake up only to find time had passed - I was still living in the other world, so I have memories, just not everyone else’s. For example, Trump was no longer president in my world, so imagine the confusion when the nurse started asking cognitive questions.
| 1 |
How to not crave love/relationships so much
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I (20f) just had an experience today that made me realize how much I crave a relationship/want to be loved. I matched with a guy and we decided to FaceTime. After 5 minutes of him freestyle rapping, showing me his choreography he made up, and showing me the beats he makes, I knew he wasn’t someone I liked but I wanted to keep the conversation going because I honestly really just want a relationship. I asked him is he likes board games he replied with “no I work” and said that I wasn’t mature enough and while I would make a “good fan for his music” he couldn’t be in a relationship me with because I didn’t want to settle down and be a housewife. Even though I know he was a total asshole and his values didn’t align with mine, I still found myself wanting to convince him I’m worth it and thinking how bad could it be being a housewife so young even though I barely know him. How can I stop this? I definitely have major daddy issues that I need to work on but I don’t even know where to start. Thanks!
| 38 |
Tired of being angry all the damn time.
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I didn't use to be like this. As a kid, I remember being very happy-go-lucky and I always had a smile on my face. Things weren't perfect, but I didn't dwell on things as I do now. But around the end of elementary school and the beginning of middle school, things began to change. I began to get angrier, lashing out at becoming belligerent at school and at home, fighting with complete strangers, students, and even my mother. I also dwell on things for much, MUCH longer. As I'm writing this post now, I'm thinking about how my dad was never there for me as a kid, all the times my mom physically and verbally abused me, friends, family, and employers who tossed me aside, and all the bullying I suffered in school. Even as an adult, my anger hasn't really subsided, and it's cost me at least three jobs so far. I have a lot to be thankful for in m life but it's like the wiring in my brain won't let me be thankful for them. I've tried therapy, exercise, and drugs (some prescription, some not), and nothing has seemed to work. Any advice?
| 124 |
how to move on from the healthiest relationships you ever had
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I'm devastated and so drained. It's been a month since my ex initiated the break up. I had no choice. She said she is not asking me if we could break up, but she is really deciding it for us.
The reason for the breakup is that she has a lot of problems. I tried to help her. I really did, but I know it was not enough. She broke things off bc she thinks that I don't deserve her worst part of herself. Even though I offered my love, I said that it's okay with me, she still initiated the breakup. She said that if I stayed and tried to help her with all my strength, maybe if she became okay, then I'm the one whos gonna be empty and tired from helping her.
She said that she needed herself. And that's okay. I'm okay with it, but some part of me is always telling myself that maybe I'm not a good partner or that I didn't do my best.
This is the healthiest relationship I ever had, and that's why the pain is different. No, I'm not 24/7 crying just like when my 2nd relationship ended. What I am feeling rn is a mixed emotions. I'm sad and angry, I feel lost. The scary thing is that idk how to move on from this bc we were not toxic or there's no one's fault in here. I understand her. I truly do. It's just hard.
Any advice or words of wisdom that you might share? Thanks in advance for the replies.
| 120 |
Really struggling in my early 30s
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Currently unemployed, very few friends if any (mostly online), and a relationship I'm not insanely interested in ... How do I fix my situation and move forward. I'm really struggling
| 1 |
First club experience
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I’m generally fairly introverted, but I went out with my brother and his friends. We went to a couple of clubs and I had so much fun. I was extremely surprised that I enjoyed the club. I loved dancing and letting go and just having fun. I’m hoping to keep going out and enjoying life. I just have to find friends of my own that I can go out with. Which is hard but I know I will find friends. This time last year I was stuck and depressed and didn’t talk to anyone due to social anxiety. I still need to decompress after a lot of socializing but I went to a club. I am so thankful for the progress I’ve made.
| 25 |
Public Journal To Fix My Life | Day 8 of 90
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Hello again! I hope you all had a great day. As always, **here's a summary for new readers:**
This journal is intended to keep me accountable on my journey of healing and self-improvement. I'm determined to climb out of a deep hole, and I believe this journal is a crucial step. I can't promise that reading this will be interesting or fun, but it will be real.
With that said, let's begin.
Today was good in general. The morning went as usual with my 10-minute meditation, and then I rode my bike to the metro station and went to college. However, I arrived late to class due to a medical emergency that caused the metro to stop, so I had to take a bus instead.
The class itself was okay, nothing special. Since it's the last two weeks of college, everyone is more focused on their internships. After class, a friend of mine invited me to have lunch at a Mexican restaurant, and without hesitation, I said yes. It's a big step for me because in the past, I would have come up with an excuse to avoid going. It shows the progress I've made.
Since my class ended at 11, I went to my friend's house to wait until 2. We just chilled and talked for a couple of hours. I made a conscious effort to avoid using my phone and to be fully present in the conversation. It made a real difference, and the conversation was really enjoyable. My friend also invited me to a disco next weekend with some of his other friends, and despite feeling scared about my lack of dancing skills and cool clothes, I said yes. It will be a good challenge for me to socialize and put into practice the communication skills I've been learning.
Anyway, we then went to the restaurant and had a pretty good meal. After that, I returned home and spent a couple of hours finishing a homework assignment. Unfortunately, I wasted a couple more hours mindlessly scrolling through social media, which made me mad at myself. It was already evening, and I had promised myself that I would go for a run. I thought about smoking as a way to feel better, but then I realized that the only way to truly feel better was to put on some clothes and go running, just as I had said I would.
So, that's exactly what I did. I went for a late-night run, and it felt great. I haven't gone running since 2021, but surprisingly, I performed better than I expected. Maybe it's because I've been using the bike more often and going out more. After running, I set myself a challenge to be able to run the whole park at a slow speed by next Tuesday. Today, I was able to run one-third of the park, which is pretty decent because I didn't want to push myself too hard , I just aim to build the habit.
So, that was my day. I consider it a W because I challenged myself to socialize and **didn't let my emotions or mistakes dictate my actions**. Now, I'll read for a couple of minutes and then go to sleep. I'm tired! Haha.
See you all tomorrow!
| 7 |
i want to learn digital drawing
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(19m) i never used to has hobby, because everytime i learn something new, i get burned out easily. So i decided to learn digital drawing, im still learn to draw some basic shape and perspactive. I will learn this and no matter how i will burned out im still goin to learn digital drawing.
| 2 |
Decided to consciously better myself today, one small step at a time
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For context, I had to move out of my share house at the beginning of the year and in with my mum while searching for another place, and due to the rental crisis that period of time ended up being 4 months. It had a huge toll on my mental health because I was living in essentially a basement with all of my belongings, in trouble at work, and getting declined for house after house.
I finally moved in to a new place about a month ago and while I'm still getting back on my feet, my mental health is close to where it once was (which has never been great, but I digress). I've neglected a lot of my wellbeing and my financial situation hit a real low while living at my mum's, and I finally want to focus on that now.
I've unfollowed a lot of subreddits that, while I like to read, overall don't make me feel great (offmychest, amitheasshole, relationshipadvice etc.) and I just followed a lot more subs about things that relate to either hobbies, things that improve wellbeing, or posts that are overall a positive space so I see more about it in my feed. I've also deleted TikTok, and I've started to work through all the laundry that has piled up since I lived at mum's.
Very small steps but looking forward to the future :)
| 4 |
Have been doing so much better!
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I’ve been doing so much better lately and the world finally seems brighter.
I’ve finally got my depression and anxiety under control after a little over a year of therapy on and off. I finally found the motivation to eat right and workout more. I’ve been working out everyday for at least 30 minutes and I feel great! When I was depressed it was hard for me to even brush my teeth. Now I make sure to brush twice everyday! I’ve also been fortunate enough to get rid of some of my biggest insecurities due to laser hair removal and a hair oil I’ve been using.
I’ve also improved in my romantic and social life. I’ve been working with a plethora of potential partners which makes me feel hopeful about having a Valentine this year:)(yay!) In the mean time I’ve been going on dates and having fun! I’ve also met SO many good friends at college that motivate me. I finally feel motivated for school and am finally passionate about the career I chose. I also have a good and easy part-time job that has put more than enough money in my bank account.
Due to a death in the family and our family pet passing away this year has been rough. But I’m so proud of myself in the strides I’ve taken to improve myself this year. Before, I couldn’t imagine myself being in such a position but here I am! Guess it’s a lesson to never give up and just go for it.
| 5 |
Tips on overcoming a weak constitution?
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Any tips on overcoming a weak constitution?
I've always been weirdly sickly, despite not having any *direct* causes towards it.
I've always eaten pretty healthily, I've started doing some light exercise. I just get sick all the time and very easily.
If I go too heavy on exercise (what a light-medium workout is to most people) I tend to fall ill soon after too. It's also making any sort of progress extremely frustrating.
I've had a blood test done recently, returned pretty normal according to the doctor.
Male, 170cm, 65kg
| 1 |
Struggling with burnout-induced depression, implemented a bunch of healthy habits, but still heavily traumatized by work. What should I do?
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Hi all! I've actually posted here before, but there has been a couple of updates, and now using a throwaway account and I've been feeling a lot worse these couple of days, so would appreciate any advice!
Basically, I'm an entrepreneur, and after a couple of years of burnout, my condition has significantly worsened two months ago, and I've been diagnosed with moderate to severe clinical depression. I've been having an indescribable feeling of sorrow, anxiety, apathy, helplessness and emptiness; in the first week of the whole episode, it was even hard to get out of my bed. For the past two months, whenever worked (or even just thinking about work), I would experience immense anxiety, fear and (sometimes) anger, as well as physical symptoms, such as massive headache, body tremors, and faster heart beats (and one time, almost hyperventilating). As a result, I've not been productive at work and in every sense of the word, dreaded it.
I've been taking some time off work, been in therapy and implemented new habits (living healthier, through exercise, diets, sleep, meditation), but recovery has not been linear (some days are better, some days are worse), and the anxiety and fear around work remains. The trauma around anything remotely related to work is real -- I still can't open/reply email, or think of anything/anyone around work at all -- all of these give me tremendous fear and anxiety. I've been totally offline for the better part of the last couple of weeks, but got an urgent update that a commercial deal we had been working on had fallen through, and it may have dire business consequences. It's hugely upsetting because I had hoped that the company (my business partner and the rest of the team) should be able to take care of these things without me, and it doesn't seem to be that way. Things at work are obviously worse now, and I won't be able to go back to work peacefully.
Right now, I'm just feeling a whole range of emotions -- sadness, anxiety, fear, helplessness, emptiness, anger and resentment. Maybe it's the depression speaking, but I've been thinking -- I've dedicated so much of my time, effort and personal resources into the company, and it seems that no one in the team (including my business partner) was as committed as me. At this moment, I want to prioritize healing, and even then, I'm not able to fully relax and recover. A part of me want to just abandon everything and focus on healing, but I'm too sad and anxious to even do anything remotely related to work.
Apologies for the long post, but I've been feeling so sad and lonely, and advice of what you would do, would be hugely appreciated!
| 3 |
This question is for the ones that “figured” it out.
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What is a piece of advice that worked for everyone, but didn’t work for you?
What eventually made life “click” for you.
Not sure if this is the right place, but I think all of us can come out with some kind of value out of this.
| 6 |
How to stop being a people pleaser?
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I've let everyone walk all over me for 23 years and I've been used so many times as a doormat. I no longer want this. I want to become more selfish and put boundaries and also MAINTAIN these boundaries.
I apologize for everything and ignore my needs to keep other people happy. I also can't say no to anything. I can't not even stand up for myself. I'm like a golden retriever in human form.
Can someone give me advice to overcome being a people pleaser?
| 28 |
always changing my mind?
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I (21F) have noticed I change my mind a lot and I’m never consistent. Just a month ago I was dead set on dropping out of college, and now I’ve done a complete 180 and am determined to get my degree. I’ve noticed I change my mind about others things a lot as well (whether positive or negative) and it’s really jarring and confusing sometimes. I don’t have any hobbies bc I don’t have the discipline and again I’m never consistent. I’m not sure why I always change my mind but it’s a really confusing process-how can I be more consistent, and is it relatively normal to change your mind about things often? Thanks all!
| 3 |
I do absolutely nothing on my days off from work. I set a goals checklist, and don’t accomplish a single thing
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I work at a hospital. I work 3, 12-hour shifts. And then either one 4 or 8 hour shift as my overtime. Most of the time, I have 3 days off. Some weeks they’re consecutive, some weeks they’re not
Only thing that’s consistent, is my laziness on those days. I work hard. I never miss a shift. I’m never late. But on my days off, I could sit and stare at the tv for 8 hours. Yesterday, was my day off. I checked my pedometer on my phone. I had 126 steps. For an entire day. That made me look at how lazy I am.
Last week, I had to run to the laundromat to wash clothes. I was out of undershirts and underwear. The normal thing to do would be to get up, and go wash them. Nope! Not me. I spent extra money, for Amazon same day delivery…for a package of underwear and socks.
There’s so much I want to do. There’s so much I want to see and experience. I dream about everything I want to accomplish. Yet, I can’t get myself to leave my apartment.
Did anyone struggle with this? How do I force myself to leave my apartment?
| 9 |
What is will-power?
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So, you have someone who wants to change their life, but isn't willing to do it. Where's the disconnect? Why can I be sitting at my desk thinking, "Yeah! I'd love to draw something right now!" But my will to do that is non-existent? Why tho? What do?
| 1 |
How do you follow basic instructions?
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I have a mental illness and mild brain fog that following instructions make it difficult (even reading). I can't follow what other people say because I tend to forget it in an instant or their words tend to be jumbled on my brain. How do you adapt to it? What methods can I use?
| 2 |
How can I combat boredom...productively?
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I won't go into depth about my specific situation, but right now I'm experiencing a lot of boredom & lack of interest in doing much.
Simply, I'm asking, what do you guys do in your spare time that also makes you feel productive?
Especially when you're not feeling very motivated...
(Also, I'm pretty much entry level at 'deciding to be better' so any introductory resources, planners, or whatever you could recommend that'd be great.)
Have a good day/evening!
| 5 |
How to improve self-confidence? Please help!
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How to improve my confidence?
This might seem like a very cliche title for this sub, but today I searched for what people perceive as low self-confidence, and while some of the symptoms didn't match so much, some of them absolutely did, like being afraid to have eye-contact with people, speaking in hesistant/shaking voice when among people, unable to complete sentences and comparing myself to people.
Thing is, I have a very positive self-image in my eyes, and I believe in my potential as a person, and in fact I love myself a lot. Hence I don't know if lack of self-esteem is that much of an issue. I think a series of repeated interactions going wrong during childhood formed this behavioral pattern of low-confidence.
With that being said, how do I start working on improving my confidence, so that these symptoms subside? How do I become more confident?
| 7 |
Can't find the motivation to work on myself
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I'm going through a tough time mentally right now. I'm to the point where I can't even leave my room until I have to work. I've been fixated on dating for a while. I can't escape the idealic versions of my life I would like to have. I have a lot of negativity in my brain. It's hard to want to be better. It's hard to focus on myself. I don't know how to convince myself it's worth trying.
| 5 |
Why can't part of me "catch up" with the rest of me on how I'm supposed to be over my ex?
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I've had bad experience with relationships, and this relationship was mutually toxic which is another can of worms to open but I'm actually talking about the more mundane parts.
The breakup was extremely hard but it's been a few months and I'm doing good for someone inable to access therapy although I want it as soon as possible, my progress is pretty on track for how it typically goes. I'm a pretty self aware person, and I think that just made me realize I'm okay, but I'll ask anyways because I'm confused and worried about this.
Like I said, the traumatic stuff is on another level, but I keep thinking back to normal things that happened or at the least minorly bad. Conversations we had with our friends in the groupchat after we had to go long distance, memes I showed to him, times we kissed, normal conversations we had, times I really felt in love with him, etc. I don't miss *him* because it was toxic for the both of us, but I miss when we were going good or thought we were, I miss the feeling of being loved and in a healthy relationship, even if it wasn't, that I was being lied to/fueling the fire or not yet aware of the problems in the beginning.
He hurt me but I hurt him also and I feel bad because he was a good person. He *is* and that makes me feel worse. I know I'm a good person and we've both been through a lot. I haven't been in contact for a while but I know we're both getting better, at least I hope he is. Last time we talked he was a huge ass, and his feelings were justified but he said some out of line things that put blame on me for abuse I faced previously so his specific words weren't. But that's the thing, I'm constantly flip flopping between "he is an asshole," "he's a good guy," "I hurt him and it's my fault he's upset," "he ruined my life," "I'm the world's worst person for what I did and I'm worse than my own abuser," etc etc and I just can't find a middle ground. Logically, I know we are each both good and bad, just horrible together, and hurt each other equally. But the emotional side of my brain can't seem to catch up. I can only feel one way about him or myself at once. Sometimes it flips so fast I don't know what to think or how it actually went down.
I know I still have some work to do with my mental health, but is this normal? Is it normal to miss the could-have-beens even though I know it would have never been and never was to begin with? Is it normal to still think about this stuff? Or am I just obsessive and inable to let go as I typically am, and always perceive myself as?
| 1 |
Experiencing sleep inertia except it doesn’t go away. I am so tired all the time?
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I’ve gotten blood work done and it’s all normal. Everything is normal.
I have always had issues with sleep. My whole family does. If I didn’t force myself, I’d stay awake until 2am and sleep until 10-11am every day. It’s just how I’m wired. But even going to sleep at 9pm, I can hardly get out of bed until at least 10am.
So I force myself to go to sleep, whether that is by taking Benadryl or staring at a wall until I’m tired. And I force myself awake.
I have stopped all electronics 2 hours before bedtime, taken supplements, and drink 1-5 cups of coffee in the morning.
I work out pretty regularly. My diet is decent (no junk food, high protein,moderate fat).
Ive tried changing up my diet. I even have tried taking pre workout after my coffee just to see if it will affect me, but it doesn’t make a dent.
The sleepy heavy feeling never goes away. Even when I am awake at night and can’t sleep, I still *feel* exhausted.
I am constantly forcing myself to do things that require energy. My doctor just wants to put me on heavy medication to sleep, but I don’t want that. He told me it may make my waking hours more “groggy feeling” but at least I will be able to sleep without taking benedryl or spending hours trying to sleep. That’s exactly my problem, though, feeling tired all day.
I’m exhausting all other options before I do that.
Any advice would be appreciated!
| 2 |
Cutting a ‘friend’ out of my life
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For years I let people walk all over me. I was always the guy who people came to but never the one that people would listen to. I made some new friends in a new city, all seemed great, we made some incredible memories. Then this friend met a girl, I understand he might have to back off a bit that’s cool I understand.
On the 6 month anniversary of me and my ex we stayed in a hotel together out of town, he found out his girl was cheating and I spent about 3 hours in the cold on the phone to him. I supported him when he had no job, borrowing money when needed, encouraged him to keep looking, checking in on him constantly. Called his friend to ask his mum how he was when he posted something worrying.
Me and my ex broke up a couple months ago, it was pretty difficult at first and for a week he was there for me. Since then I’ve invited him out multiple times. The most recent one I asked if he wanted to come the beach for a lil (something I only really ask when I’m feeling down), he said he had errands to run. Not long after he was playing fortnite. He doesn’t come out no more, doesn’t check in on me, barely fucking replies and I’m done with it.
My dad was in the hospital with a messed up back, I told him this and he has not once checked up to see if he’s okay. I told him I was feeling down and said it in a joking way in a chat, no messages, no check ups, nada. He’s still with his girlfriend and I’m going to back off, I haven’t spoke in the discord in about a week and there’s no sort of “hey you good?” When he needs me, I ain’t gonna be there. I’m happy on my own with who I have around me, my family, my other friends, I won’t put up with someone’s one sided behaviour anymore
| 1 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 13 of 180 self improvement plan
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Started my day teaching chemistry. Wasn't fully awake while doing so. Bcuz, I had slept only for 4 hours last night.
I have great students who understand.
Read paper, afterthat. Today, I started creating a blog for the first time. My goodness it isn't an easy task at all. The topic that I'm currently creating a blog around is real estate advisor.
Need to focus more on the user intent. Anyways, I love what I do.
Completed a module of the Google Digital Marketing certification course.
Went to the gym. Today, I presumed that my energy level could fall Bcuz of less sleep. To my suprise, I did bench (close grip) 86KG 3 reps for 6 sets.
Went for a kind off a date.
Self study for a bit. Wrote a LinkedIn article around time blocking.
On track on my plan.
| 3 |
i need advice on how to deal with attachment of an ex.
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hi, for context i’m a bit young, 17. no friends apart from him so i’m on here. he broke up with me and i’m spiralling, i cannot believe it’s happened again and i’m so stupid for ever believing i was actually loved. i’m so attached to him, he’s been my bf and also my best friend for years, idk what to do without him, blocking him and cutting him off would make it so hard. i know it’s unhealthy how attached i am, i check his socials all the time, constantly checking my phone to see if he replied, even tho we aren’t together anymore. i don’t know how to stop feeling this way but slowly i think it’s gonna kill me, i’m so tired and just wanna sleep but i can’t bc i’m so stressed about everything, just need some advice and ways on how to deal with this.
| 1 |
guilt from past behaviors?
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When I (21F) was 16 I started talking to someone in my grade whom I didn’t know very well but we started having conversation. I completely plummeted mental health wise around that time and constantly felt horrible, panicky with a fast heart rate and such. They asked me what was wrong and I ended up basically saying a bunch of things that I was going through (but I was way too detailed and it was definitely a trauma dump imo). Were not in contact but I still feel so embarrassed and guilty about this. Ik I was struggling and that was new for me so I didn’t know how to handle these feelings, but I also feel guilty for going so far-how can I reframe my perspective in a healthy way and handle this deep guilt and shame?
| 10 |
Anyone want to join a discord for venting, getting advice and support?
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I call it the safe space, as it should be a safe space and positive environment for everyone to receive advice, support, and much more.
Also, just a heads up that it’s only for those looking for a supportive environment and not anything inappropriate, I’ve had one or two instances where people joined and started pming others and harassing them, just wanted to make that clear. Nothing wrong with relationships but no harassment is tolerated, tysm!
| 8 |
How to get tougher emotionally?
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I am very sensitive and give up on the spot as soon as they tell me something. I know i am stronger than this. I cant control my emotions or speak up when its time. I freeze when someone tells me something bad.
| 11 |
Pursue masters because norm in society or pursue it for the betterment of myself?
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Since I was a kid I have always been a high achiever for some reason I don’t know why I had straight A, after school student in,
College courses on weekends, and did band after school because I think I was a perfectionist (I guess I wanted to be great in other people eyes like my parents and didn’t do the things I wanted for myself to make myself happy). Plus my dad and I’m his side of the family seem like promoters of higher ed as there nurses and engineers and my dad suggest I get the masters in SLP because if the stable and money to survive
In college I had did the major speech therapy as I have a stutter myself and pursued it. But I also pursued it because it was a stable career and I would live comfortable with it. U have to get a masters to be a speech pathologist but I did not have e motivation to pursue it as I was not really interested in it to go full through and I didn’t want to regret doing it plus loans and all that too much debt.
For some reason I’m my life before I die god forbid I think I do want to pursue a master in general just to say I did it and accomplished something if the feat.
But I’m not interested in speech therapy that’s off the list, I looked into social work seems stressful and too much for me . I had saw art therapy which is really interesting as I love to sketch and paint plus I do like helping ppl to some extent.
But in this life time do I need/want to pursue a masters? I’m on a journey to self discovery and I need to determine what success and happiness means to me.
I had always wanted to be great pursue higher ed in someway because I had seen education as the best way to go a four life the rt way and u dint have to struggle.
I’m 24 I dint want to not regret getting my master s…then I’m 40 look back and say I didn’t why I didn’t get my masters when I’m younger.
I’m such a indecisive person I guess wait it out for next couple of years and see what’s best for me
| 0 |
How do I stop being a bum?
|
​
I'm 29m, 5'7, look a lot younger, in decent/average shape, overall average-sliiightly above average looks (can def be brought up if I make some changes and get some rest), very proportionate facial features. I dress really well, speak really well, and have high intelligence as well as broad knowledge. Gifted with talent equally in the sciences and humanities/arts. I'm a good friend, with lots of empathy, and a deep understanding of human psychology. I'm a summa cum laude genetic engineering/biosciences graduate, and belong to the nation's most prestigious honors society. Moreover I was admitted to and completed a separate honors college within my university.
I live with my girlfriend who is my best friend, soon to be my wife. We share 90% of interests in common, and are inseparable. By society's standards, she is considered very very attractive. She makes 70-80k and has a very easy job from home.
So, why am I bum?
I make $15 an hour for a job that provides me with 10-25 hours a week from home. Been doing that for several years. I make less than $1000 a month most months.
I own an old, beat up truck that 1) paint completely came off 2) no AC 3) beat up inside 4) no power steering 5) 1000 other issues 6) doesn't even run. Never owned another car, use girlfriend's car every day.
I have no physical tolerance. I cannot fathom working 8+ hours a day. Not only am I afraid of wasting my life away, but also, I actually do not have the physical tolerance. I work 3-4 hours a day and feel completely wasted, beat up, after staring into a bright screen. My head hurts, I get flashing in my eyes, and I feel done.
I don't know where to start. I am about to be 30 and I can no longer "start from the beginning" for the 10000th time in my life. All of my peers are balls deep into their careers and many are making 3 figures. I have so many dreams and ambitions, goals, but I can't start anything. I have confusion, anxiety, and obsessive tendencies that will not allow me to start anything...plus, chronic feelings of lethargy. The doctors don't know why, they say it's life and everyone feels that way.
I feel like a complete bum. I can't start anything. No I do not have depression, I did before. I feel like a complete loser, that eventually everything else will go downhill. For me, I see things always downgrading, instead of upgrading in life.
I look at apartments near me and think "everything is for rich people. how is any of this affordable? why aren't there low-income apartments for everyone else, but without cockroaches and drug addicts?". Meanwhile, my peers never even glanced at the apartments I live in, and live like normal people but pay more.
What's stopping me from marrying my girlfriend immediately is loss of free health insurance and food stamps. Yep, you heard that right. She has too high of an income once I marry her, I have to give everything up. What am I going to do on $1000 a month with all of my health issues and no insurance?
I also have problem after problem. My parents keep getting evicted and I need to solve their lawyer problems, I'm always accumulating their problems and anxiety, rent is always increasing, I have new medical issues popping up every other week, huge expenses out of nowhere, and just life problems one after the other. I cant focus on starting anything, something is always in the way.
I am a complete loser who could be making significant money with my ideas and brain power, but... "I can't." I have no self-esteem, and don't know how to deal with difficult people. I ask my girlfriend why she even likes me and she says "you're just cute". I feel completely emasculated.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
Some things that bring me down:
1. terrible self image
2. medical issues from head to toe - something is ALWAYS wrong (badly herniated spinal disc means daily chronic pain, severe heartburn, 20 years of GI issues that affect me 80% of the day, dislocated shoulder, all of my teeth have issues and cause me pain and cracking, allergies which never allow me a good sleep and puff my face up for hours and hours, legally blind, and I can name another 10 most likely).
3. the cherry on top is that I developed severe panic disorder since January with agoraphobia and to this day, am struggling to be outside. I would rather break my back another 50 times than ever go through this again - the feeling of dying a hundred times a day, every day, for months.
| 0 |
Why do I always make big plans but fail to stick to them
|
Every time I'm at a low in my life, where I feel lost empty or stuck I suddenly get this random burst of fire inside of me and I envision myself achieving all my goals.
So I do the same loop of making a big plan while listening to the rocky soundtrack but when it's finally time to follow through I can only keep up for 2-3 weeks. This is so frustrating because I feel like I'll never be able to achieve anything special the way I am. What am I doing wrong that is causing to be like this
Most of my ambitions are related to fitness and sport, I have all the knowledge I know exactly what I need to be doing but for some reason I cant stay consistent with it
| 1 |
Day 5 | Month 2 | Year 0
|
The journey continues
Improvement: Some work done
Goals for tomorrow: Finish 25% of all work
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :(
Post written at 1:22am
| 1 |
My wife of 25+ years and I got married having been fully warned that this was no easy thing
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My wife of 25+ years and I got married having been fully warned that this was no easy thing and that we needed to be committed to making it work, which we were. Since we are of different ethnic groups this relationship did not have any common reference points for us to work with. However, we really wanted to make this work.
We realized early on that if we expected the other to be a certain way or do/say something, we would always get disappointed. This got us to understand that we shouldn’t depend on others for our happiness, because only you can decide what will make you happy or not. This can also change minute to minute. Also, that the other person has a whole lot going on as well and does not always have the time or the forethought that would be necessary to make you happy at the right moment. Would you be able to do this for your partner ALL THE TIME? So, we stop expecting all of these things from each other and started relying on ourselves for our happiness.
Next, we started to realize that we had a lot of traumas, that we realized we had and many that we were not aware of, but the other one noticed, quickly. We also found that when these landmines were stepped on it was not only an emotional reaction (Explosion of various levels), but we also noticed physical reactions to it. It is by examining these physical reactions that we were able to find a way to overcome these traumas. Once we overcame these traumas, we realized that the emotional “Landmine” triggers also disappeared at the same time. This was an amazing discovery which we took to heart and went to town with it. Now we feel some much lighter so much happier it is just transformational.
Now that we were overcoming these traumas we started to notice that there were more different ones coming in, so we looked deeper into this wonderful discovery to try to find out what we could do to prevent anymore traumas from coming into our experiences, and we found a few which work nicely and it is easy to put that into practice. It just took us a little bit of practice to create new “Good” habits and make this a way of life.
So, for us it took many years to acquire this knowledge because we were discovering this stuff and figuring out how it works, but we have thought this to a few close friends who once they understood it and put it into practice their worlds changed very quickly, to a much happier one
Does anyone have similar experiences?
What do you think?
| 12 |
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