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How to avoid being toxic person?
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I wrote a situation I was in about 2 hours ago, and I thought I was in the write but I was complaining wrong. I have since deleted the post because I was ashamed of the comments and went to apologize to the people that I affected. Luckily, it was nothing to extreme or crazy and everyone is happy now and cool. We hugged it out and they said they understood where I was coming from, but I know i was completely wrong and am happy we are past it. However, one of the comments really hit me hard with a reality check saying I was being toxic and they would be concerned for my future wife/significant other as I’m also seeming to be a bit abusive. For reference I’m a 22M, and frankly I didn’t realize I was being that obnoxious/rude until reddit pointed it out. I’m now thinking everything over and obviously definitely do not want to be a toxic person let alone ever be described abusive. How do I work on this? Especially when emotions are running high
| 1 |
Stopping alcohol and not using Instagram anymore?
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Hello,
I feel like I am hurt more than I should be when the people closest to me left. I am currently undergoing changes within myself that I want to keep up, and I want to love myself above all because I want to be there for me even when there are no others.
I stopped nicotine fully 4 months ago, and I want to stop drinking even a single drop of alcohol.
I also logged out of Instagram today and probably not gonna use it again, unless I can do it to earn money and spread a message example like if I am leading an LGBT support group or something. I also kept seeing people that have left me in insta and I wanna remove all red threads that connects me to the things that hurt me and dont bring me any productivity.
Am I doing the right thing? I also wanna convert the feelings of heartbreak and loss to motivation, any tips regarding this?
| 7 |
Constantly scared that I'll be a bad person as I grow up
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"well then just don't do bad things" yeah but you never know what might push me. What I might be so blind to think and only realize after. I don't know how I'll turn out in the future, and if my mental health will get worse and I'll start hurting people.
I'm so glad I've been isolating myself for years because I feel like if I ever start connections with people irl I might hurt them. I'm already conscious about EVERYTHING I do online already.
| 1 |
So what IS there more to life?
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My mind is pretty buried in anxieties and I really can't see anything other than negativity and my own problems for my future. So what other things to life ARE THERE? other than bad relationships, life problems, social media. Your own being? I just think I need a reminder. And a positive space to go to.
Thank you for your comments ❤️
| 9 |
Need some advice on losing weight
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I'm 16 and I'm basically what you would call a "discord mod". I've recently discovered that my BMI classification is obese 1. I've been trying for years now to turn my life around and I always fail, but I feel like this time it'll be different. I've heard that excercise is not actually ideal for losing weight but it is great for improving overall health (mental health too). The best way to lose weight according to my research is diet. So tell me some advice because I really just wanna be healthy.
| 6 |
I’m going crazy
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Nobody to talk to, literally in a room by myself alone, developed breathing problems, I know people hate to hear about problems but god damn🥲 it’s so hard, having no parents, being 23 and developing breathing problems and dealing with mild hearing loss, I ask myself why me😞 it’s so hard to deal with this, constant ringing my ears and on top of that developing breathing problems, being stuck in a room not being able to leave I’m living with a fat narcissistic aunt I’m so sick of this
| 11 |
how do i stop being dependent?
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i’ve realized that since i moved out on my own at 18 i have been in some kind of codependency situation. whether it was friends or a relationship or something i have just been dependent for years now. i hate myself and i just want to be loved but obviously no one does bc of above.
how do i stop it? can i still? i’m 20
| 4 |
Day 31 | Month 1 | Year 0
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Not a bad day, friends invited me to go out with them.
Improvement: sang, some work done
Goals: repeat cycle from yesterday
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :)
Post written at 11:24pm
| 3 |
Public Journal To Fix My Life | Day 2 of 90
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Hello again, wonderful people! First of all, I just want to provide a summary for the new readers...
This journal is meant to keep me accountable while I'm on my journey of healing and self-improvement. I must get out of a really deep hole, and I feel this is a great step. I can't promise that reading this will be interesting or fun, just real.
That said, let's begin. Today was (mostly) a MASSIVE W. I woke up around 6 am (pretty early for me) and with more energy than usual. I suspect it is because I went to bed early too.
I then did a 10-minute meditation and went to college. There, I managed to focus completely on getting some projects done. Blocking social media played a HUGE role in this. I feel like I entered a "flow state" where I was super focused on what I was doing.
When the class was about to finish, a group of classmates invited me to a park. Normally, I'd come up with an excuse to avoid socializing, but I was brave and accepted the invitation. I went to the park with them after class, and this situation is where I feel the importance of doing this because I knew that going there would be a great addition to today's journal.
In the park, I had a great time. I avoided using my phone and tried to be present. I played volleyball with my classmates (although I suck at it, lol) and I also had the courage to go and try to dance "salsa" with them. It was some silly dance just to laugh among ourselves, but normally, I don't do that kind of stuff as I'm too shy.
In the park, there was a group of guys playing cool music, and I had the courage to go and ask them about their socials (after overthinking for 10 minutes) as I really liked what they were singing. I think they were improvising and came up with a REALLY good song on the spot.
After that, I went to eat Pho with a friend. I feel like this is important because he used to invite me to a lot of stuff, and 90% of the time, I declined due to my shyness. I was feeling like I was slowly losing a friendship, so today I invited him to eat, and we had a good conversation for about an hour (pro tip: never eat spicy soup while you have the flu; it'll make you cough like crazy).
Then, I came home. I was really tired but feeling great. I watched the extra time of the UEL final in my room and I realized how quickly my mood changes sometimes. I got kinda annoyed because the team that I was rooting for lost the match, lol.
But it is not a big deal, just a sudden mood drop. Anyway, after that, I cooked rice and meat for the rest of the week, and while doing that, I talked with my friend and roommate - which is good because the past couple of weeks, I was isolating myself and trying to not engage in a conversation for too long. But today, I managed to talk to her, and we had a good conversation.
Overall, today was a great day. Engaging in physical activities and being surrounded by people really feels like a big improvement. See you guys tomorrow! Thank you for reading.
\-D
| 24 |
Unconventional advice for finding friends requested
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Hello, I'm suffering from anhedonia without other specific depression symptoms. This means that I don't really enjoy doing anything and all activities I do fall under the same mental and emotional category as "work", which is very exhausting. This is coupled with chronic insomnia. I've been to doctors and psychologists many, many times over and had many many treatments without effect so I've been managing my own progress for a while which has been much more successful.
I've only been able to feel happy through romantic intimacy, and I have that now with my girlfriend and I am extremely happy together with her. However, I still am suffering a lot when I am on my own and I don't have any true friends beside her.
Due to the anhedonia, I can only motivate myself through actions that make things better or remove harmful things from my or other peoples' lives. I'm sensitive to others' suffering or people hurting each other. It has led to me taking self improvement very seriously since I can't find fulfilment in regular hobbies and even then it might not be emotionally rewarding to do these self-improving actions - the reason it works is because I can rationally motivate them.
However, this leads to a two-way issue with finding friends. Since I'm so primed for self improvement I feel unsafe and untrusting (worst case I feel like the entire social interaction is me managing the other person) around "normal" people due to how differently we live our lives, and to others I seem "radical" and "political" due to taking ethics so seriously.
Do you have any unconventional advice for me, how you learned to have fun with or enjoy others in new ways?
| 3 |
My friend told me i still stink but then says she’s joking, i don’t believe her
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Whenever breath becomes the topic or smell, she always jokes that i stink. She’ll say it seriously then say she’s joking.
I’ve been taking care of my hygiene lately and doing all of these everyday:
*MOUTH:* I use
-Water pick
-Electric toothbrush
-Colgate toothpaste
-No alcohol mouthwash (with fluoride)
-I scrape my tongue with my manual brush
-I use Nasal and mouth spray to keep my breath fresh when outside
-I bring Altoids peppermint with me
*HAIR:*
-Shampoo (with Morocco oil)
-Hair mask
-Conditioner (with Morocco oil)
-Hair freshener
*BODY:*
-I use two soap whenever i shower one is antibacterial and Old Spice classic, i use loofa
-I use body scrub thrice a week
-I wear Old spice deodorant every time i go out but few times when i’m home
-I wash my bed sheets, towels and clothes
-I wear eau de toilette, i’ll buy eau de parfum next time. i apply them in my pulse points
-I use lotions and sunscreen
-I use Cetaphil for my face hydration
-Lip mask,Lip exfoliating scrub,chapstick
-Shoe spray
-Hand cream
Am i missing anything? why do i smell bad?
| 33 |
Is there anyway to stop ‘waves’ of loneliness?
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So recently I’ve decided to be better (started going to the gym, making sure things are tidy etc just the small things really) I’m still lonely like that’s just a fact i have no one I could call a real friend and no one that I’m actually close to apart from the occasional girl I speak to online.
I’m fine most the time now since I’ve started actually trying in life but every now and then at random times I’ll just get a wave of feeling very, extremely lonely for abit then it kinda gets pushed away or I have to convince myself out of it. Right now it’s probably the worse feeling I get and I know there’s no quick fix
Any help would be appreciated
| 3 |
I treated my pet badly and cannot overcome the guilt and shame I feel
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I’m 24 now and I had a pet rabbit from the ages of 10-21. I mistreated him and it makes me feel so ashamed looking back and sick with guilt.
My parents bought me a rabbit when I was 10 after I took care of one the summer before.
I remember when I was 10 when he would misbehave I would get annoyed with him and lightly hit him, it wasn’t with full force at all but there’s no way of knowing if I hurt him. I remember feeling very guilty about this when I was still 10 and I stopped doing it.
Throughout my teenage years my rabbit lived in our basement because our house was carpeted upstairs and we did not know much about rabbits, he had a pen area and was never in a closed cage but he spent most of his time alone in the basement. My mom would make me go downstairs to spent some time with him and I would mainly just go on my phone :( I’d also bring him upstairs to run around on the carpet sometimes but not often at all. I remember a couple times as a teenager I would bring him into my carpeted bedroom and he would pee on the carpet. I would get so annoyed that I’d grab him and angrily carry him back to the basement and toss him into his pen area. I wouldn’t throw him but I’d kinda just drop him in.
I feel so horrible about this, he was probably so scared when I was angry with him for peeing and obviously didn’t understand what was happening. This didn’t happen often, only a few times but I still feel so horrible for even doing in once.
Also, the thought of him just sitting alone in the basement makes me feel so sad for him. He was such a sweet boy and deserved so much more than what I gave him.
When I was 18 we moved him upstairs and so he got a lot more attention but I still didn’t spend enough time with him. I got more mature and realized how horrible I was being for getting frustrated at him and so I was a lot more gentle with him then.
He passed away at the age of 11 when I was 21 and even though it’s been three years I can’t move past the guilt of the times I treated him badly. It kills me how he’s gone and I can’t fix things or apologize. I feel like such a horrible person and I don’t feel like I deserve anything.
I feel like I need to confess this to my partner but I’m scared no one will love me anymore if they know what I’ve done in the past. I feel so stuck
| 58 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 8 of 180 Self improvement plan
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Started my day solving a question of chemistry. Read paper.
Uploaded a video on YouTube. Completed a peer reviewed assignment of my Google digital marketing course.
Created some copies related to real estate amenities. Then went to the gym to hit the upper body, was able to do strict overhead press of 52 KG (2 reps).
Went on a kind off a date, afterthat.
Came home, started studying mathematical reasoning for a bit. The aim was to study for 100 mins. But, every thing doesn't go according to the plan. Went down the rabbit hole of Instagram algorithm. Instagram has tailored reels as per my liking that's hard to resist. I was feeling pathetic even while going through the reels but I don't know why I kept it on for next 30 mins.
What should I do? Is it that studying in the evening isn't working for me. As I am already exhausted. Or I need to focus more on being discipline.
Although I studied for 56 mins. I don't feel productive at all. That's it for today.
On track on my plan.
| 0 |
Want to boost your productivity and achieve your goals?
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edit: i mistakenly initially wrote this post, so that it read a bit like a cult (below), as indicated by a comment. so im rewriting the post in a different... experiemental way lets say. sort o flike what i would put into chatgpt or sth to clean up. im intersted to see how people respond to a "badly" written post like this.
​
hey guys,
story behind group:
so some time ago i realised that i wasn't very productive.then i found out about the idea of accountability partners. the basic idea here is that you find someone to have an arrangement where u tell them wat your objectives are, then u post evidence that u r actually following through. they do the same. i realised that this doesnt really work because pretty much everyone will flake out eventually.
so yeah this is my (and other peoples too) attempt at addressing the problem of ppl wanting to be more productive, and that most accountability arrangemnts dont wokr. in alien productivty u post your objectives and post evidence that u followed through. sometimes we have meetings to discuss how we can maek the group more effecitv. there r some sub groups. ther is a new member initiation process where u can only join a subgroup if u hav productive streak at least ten days
if u want to join, then join. spots r limited bcoz i dont want a shitshow i cant handle. link below
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**Original post text:**
Hi there! 👋
Want to boost your productivity and achieve your goals? Join Alien Productivity, a free accountability group on Discord that will help you set and complete your objectives, so you can improve your life! 🚀
There are limited places available, 100 people will be accepted into the group, so don't miss this opportunity!
To join Alien Productivity, or just look around, just click on the link below:
Link: alienproductivity.org
| 0 |
Your conversations are fed by what you read. When I was mainly consuming self-help material, I noticed myself getting critical, judgemental and preachy.
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I try to vary my reading now.
In particular, a good novel reminds me of my all-too-fallible humanity, and fosters empathy for my fellow humans.
| 1 |
So my friend forgot my birthday. I’m a little hurt, what should I do?
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So the day before my birthday, my friend called me to vent about his boyfriend like he always does. So I can and told him I’m having a really rough time because tomorrow is my birthday and I vented about how I just got into an argument with my family.
I brought up the birthday a couple of times, and we had a long conversation as usual. Well yesterday was my birthday and he said absolutely nothing. Not even a HBD.
It’s childish, I guess, since I’m in my early 30s but it’s still like wtf bro. I really wanted to hear happy birthday, especially from you.
Especially now that we’ve been talking more than ever, I would’ve really liked that.
Sometimes I approach situations all wrong. I wasn’t sure how you guys would handle it.
Update: He got the date mixed up. Today he made a post about me, with an adorable message about our friendship. Deciding to be better has honestly been the best subreddit because I tend to be reactive. I’m glad I went here first before reacting. Thank for everyone’s input!!
| 120 |
I have become a bitter person. I lost my empathy towards other and only feel envy and bitterness
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Hey guys. Please, don't judge me too hard but help me to become better. I suffer from severe anxiety, depression, OCD and bipolar (all diagnosed and treated accordingly). However, I noticed that as life went on, compared to a few years ago, I became a VERY bitter person. I am bitter, I feel envy all the time, I lost my empathy for other people. This is not me. This is scary but at the same time I can't help it, the feelings just....... come.
Please help me go back to the once empathic and cheerful person I was.
| 96 |
Monthly Goal Discussion Thread
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# Hi, everybody!
Today, we ask you to take a moment to share what's going on in your lives and how you are doing.
We want to know what you'd like to accomplish in this month and, more broadly, with the rest of the year?
Please share your mission with the rest of us, and let's all encourage each other to be our best selves!
At the end of the month, we will post a summary thread where we can discuss our successes or failures.
***
**If you would like to be an "accountability partner," please do the following things:**
* Share if you would like to partner up with somebody in your comment, either after your goals, or by itself. You do not have to share your goals here in order to request to partner up with somebody.
* If you see somebody you would like to partner with, introduce yourselves, and then communicate what you would like to see from each other!
* Please only have one partner per month.
* If you and your partner really helped each other out, don't forget to share it with us in the summary thread at the end of the month!
* If you have any questions about accountability partners, or just anything in general, just message us [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FDecidingToBeBetter) and we will get back to you asap!
If interest in partners increases, we will progress and start making it more interactive within the subreddit! Nothing is set in stone, but we want to try new things out in our own pursuit to be better! Stay healthy and safe!
***
[Previous Monthly Goal Threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/DecidingToBeBetter/search?q=flair_name%3A%22Mod%20Post%22&restrict_sr=1)
***
**Consider also joining our** [**Discord**](https://discord.gg/VTtT2K3), a text-chat server that allows us to come together as a community and get to know each other in a more interactive way.
| 2 |
I want to delete my IG page 'cause I can't control myself
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I (23F) never had instagram before, until a couple of months ago when my friends and family suggested to open a page where I could show off my handmade sewing crafts, and maybe make a little money.
I ALWAYS knew my problem was about scrolling and scrolling and scrolling.. My sisters made a group there where we share reels etc, and I do this with my bf also.
I am wasting my time, publishing content needs time of crafting, and it's difficult to edit.
I want to give up, for my mental health. In a couple of months I questioned my relationships because of shitty reels that made me compare to strangers online! It's not healthy! I am tiiiiiiiredddd
Also, I nevere even reached 40 followers.. So I won't grieve.
| 15 |
Should I leave my friends?
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I (21M) am a really really really bad person. I am narcissistic, sadistic, and extremely selfish. I make the lives of the people around me worse. Normally I would just push through this and just keep my friends because they are amazing and I feel happy being around them despite the pain I cause. However, 2 months ago me and my ex (19F) had an extremely messy break up. For the next few weeks I basically made my ex's life absolute hell. I would constantly text them through fake numbers and emails and everything basically just begging her to come back. It was really bad. I even went to her shifts at work and made a huge scene.
By the end of it, she ended up responding and messaged me saying that because of me they felt unsafe going to classes and work and just leaving their dorm in general. This made me realize how badly I have affected her life so I respected her wishes for the rest of the semester and didn't contact her. I didn't look at her socials, I have her number deleted so I wouldn't even be able to text her even if I wanted to, and I tried my best to stay away from her because I didn't want her to live her life in fear and I hate that I did something so vile and unforgivable.We both have the same mutual friends. Our friends all absolutely love her because she's a great person but I was the one who ended up keeping all the friends since she cut them off (idk if it is because of me or not). If my friends knew what I did then I know that they would all leave me which is fine its what I deserve.
I feel so immensely guilty about the entire situation. Its been over a month since I have tried to contact her or see any mention of her (I don't even know if she's alive I really really really hope she is but there is no way for me to know at this point :( ). This past 2 months, she's been pretty much all alone and I was the one left with friends that I didn't deserve.
I love my friends so much, but I love her more and she deserves them more than I do since she did nothing wrong and I don't deserve my friends at all. I wronged her so much I pretty much ruined an innocent person's life and am part of what is wrong with society. Should I leave all my friends so that she feels safer and has people to go back to? My other option is to transfer out of the school so that she wouldn't ever have to deal with me anymore but that's all really complicated.
Thanks for responding. In the mean time, I will work on not being such a terrible person so that no one else has to be hurt by me.
| 2 |
The June Challenge
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Soo three months ago I started my "Betterment Project" at the beginning of March.
I'm happy to report that, since then, a lot changed, and mostly for the better (which seems to be in the spirit of this sub =)
I've been trying to actually implement the tools I was advocating for, taking my own advice so to speak. The journey was rife with set-backs, but in the end I came trough and managed to dig myself out of the hole I had found myself in.
It has been a very challenging and busy time, which however managed to invigorate me and jump start my inner drive anew.
Now that June has rolled around and I've tied up most everything that needed to be taken care of, I want to refocus on some more leisurely efforts, like writing posts on here and elsewhere, since both reading and writing had been taking a back seat.
So it's not so much of a challenge as it is entering a new stage of personal development that will hopefully enable me to explore new vantage points after many weeks of the grind.
Not writing this for anyone in particular other than myself, however, if you've read this far, thank you for your interest in my inconsequential little goings-on.
| 1 |
How not to take off my diplomacy mask and be brutally honest
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What people know: I have functioning reproductive organs and am at an age and in a relationship (married less than a year ago) which would be ideal for starting a family.
I am also in the middle of a career change that will take 2-3 years to complete. That's before a first job in the new career with at least one year probation.
My partner and I are living with family and do not yet have our own place. Our two dependents are two doggos.
What people don't know: I am the reason we can't afford kids yet. in a world where I could afford the career transition and kids, I would be ecstatic. Every day without kids is a day day less time with them in the grand scheme of things (parent loss carved that into me).
Every day this already gnaws on my soul. Tangential life items which remind me of all this unsettle me drastically. It's a daily thing.
-----------------
So...
Triggers (family member makes this joke to my partner, friend's friend makes that joke to my friend). None of them legit opportunities to just smite their tone-deaf and ignorant or insensitive jokes.
I want to say: "It doesn't matter what reproductive organs you have, either be curious or be quiet. Listen to understand and speak to validate what you heard. Stop acting like you know everything."
-------
Is there a "better" way to establish this or create a space to name it and claim it?
And I want to protect and defend all people who have reproductive organs and by choice (or without choice) are not in the process of starting families. Protect those with trauma around starting families or having family.
| 1 |
I've lost 1/3 of my life
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In my mid to late thirties now, I've realized lately that I've lost over a third of my entire life, and more than half of my adult life, to destructive routines centered around immediate gratification. I've justified it every which way whilst also crushing my self worth with endless criticism in front of the mirror as I crack my 3rd beer at 1am.
I've justified the drinking, convincing myself that 3-4 beers nightly is a vast improvement over 8-10 beers 3-4 times per week. I *DO* think it is a vast improvement, but I'm not willing to take incremental steps anymore.
I've been sick with one thing or another since about December and I just can't seem to get better. I feel like utter and complete shit right now. This scares me and it's got me worried about the long term effects of all the booze and tobacco over the last 15 years finally catching up to me.
Long ago I had a scare and came to terms with my own mortality, yet much of the negative influence remains intact. Now, whilst I may be at peace philosophically with death, I cannot come to terms with the potential loss to those around me. I'm unwilling to allow my 1yo son to lose his father, especially like this.
It's time I got my shit together. I both know exactly what I need to do and absolutely nothing that I need to do. I've tried a ton of stuff before. The "do something principle" works, but is often thwarted by the mindset that anything worth doing is worth doing right, not just doing something for the sake of doing it. I can't "trick myself" into doing something I don't feel like. I just don't know where to start that won't send me down a spiral of depressed self doubt and floundering confidence.
I will go to bed early and sober tonight, within the hour, and just hope to sleep for more than the typical 4 hours of booze induced "sleep" I've been getting lately. I've never felt this tired and defeated, and man I've been through it a time or two.
Apart from the forcing myself to bed early and hoping for a long nights sleep, what strategies do you employ to jump start a change in both mindset and routine?
| 176 |
Head's too broken to figure out how to get better. Would it be better getting a counsellor or a life coach?
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I feel miserable, so you'd think a counsellor, but I've had them before and they never helped. Counsellors expect you to just suddenly realise what you need all by yourself, but I can't do that. I need to actually talk to an actual fucking person and not someone who repeats what I just said but with "it seems like" before it. My head is fucked. I can't form any coherent ideas myself. I need someone to look at my situation from an outer perspective and help me out, not tell me it seems like I'm drowning and say it's not their place to throw me a life ring.
So then you'd think a life coach, if I want actual goals or whatever, but I AM still miserable, right? A life coach probably just wants to help non-miserable people be more organised.
I've tried figuring things out myself for years and now I can't think anymore, it's like I snapped something in my head, I'm fucked. Which is better? Please help my out, don't beat around the bush or give me any "only you know what's best" crap, because I sure as hell don't.
| 5 |
Realizing the Power of Self-Worth: How I Transformed My Life
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Hey there awesome Reddit fam!
I recently had an epiphany that has completely transformed my perspective on life and how I navigate it. It all revolves around the idea that what you think you deserve ultimately dictates the actions you take. This realization has propelled me on a journey of personal growth and self-improvement, and I wanted to share my experience with you all.
For the longest time, I struggled with feelings of self-doubt and low self-esteem. I found myself settling for less than I deserved in various aspects of my life – relationships, career, and even personal well-being. It was as if I had unknowingly accepted a diminished version of myself, limiting my own potential and happiness.
Then, one day, it hit me. If I continued to believe that I deserved less, I would continue to settle for less. The power to change my circumstances lied within my own perception of self-worth. This revelation sparked a fire within me to break free from my self-imposed limitations and become a better person.
Here are some of the steps I took on my journey of self-transformation:
1. Cultivating self-awareness: I began to introspect and identify the negative beliefs and patterns that were holding me back. This self-reflection allowed me to recognize the areas where I needed to grow and change.
2. Challenging negative self-talk: I consciously replaced self-deprecating thoughts with positive affirmations. I reminded myself of my strengths, accomplishments, and the value I bring to the world.
3. Setting higher standards: I started envisioning the life I truly desired and set ambitious goals for myself. By aiming higher, I began to take actions that aligned with my newfound belief in my own worth.
4. Surrounding myself with positivity: I sought out supportive and like-minded individuals who uplifted me and encouraged my personal growth. Positive influences can have a profound impact on our journey to becoming better versions of ourselves.
5. Taking responsibility: I realized that I was the author of my own story. I took ownership of my actions and choices, knowing that they determined my path forward. I started making decisions that aligned with my values and aspirations.
6. Embracing self-care: I began prioritizing my physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Engaging in activities that brought me joy and investing time in self-care practices helped me build a stronger foundation for personal growth.
Slowly but surely, these changes started to make a significant difference in my life. I gained the confidence to pursue new opportunities, set healthier boundaries in relationships, and make choices that aligned with my true desires. I discovered that when you truly believe you deserve better, you start taking the necessary steps to make it a reality.
Remember, dear Redditors, you deserve greatness in every aspect of your life. Your thoughts and beliefs have the power to shape your reality. Embrace your self-worth, challenge your limitations, and watch as you transform into the best version of yourself.
I'd love to hear your experiences and thoughts on this topic. Have you ever had a similar realization? How has it impacted your life? Let's support each other on this journey of becoming better individuals.
Stay awesome, Reddit!
Anonymous.
| 36 |
How do I become decisive (make better, informed and timely decisions)?
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Hi guys,
I've been an indecisive person since my whole life (33 right now). Until previously I avoided making decisions (putting them off for until later) or let others take them.
I started a small business of my own around 2 years ago and quickly realized that I suck at making decisions (timely, informed and good) which ended up in me making sometimes very rash decisions and poor ones.
Are there others who have been able to help themselves out in terms of decision making? What did you do?
| 3 |
I'm afraid to have arguments with other people because I'm afraid of losing them
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I grew up with abusive parents (narcissist dad and neglectful mom) who never validated my feelings, never conceded when I was angry and never nurtured me when I was suffering.
I moved out of my parents' home to go to university abroad but only now, after 5 years being abroad did I notice that every friendship and relationship I made was to either release anger on them or recieve approval from.
Since it's impossible to feel relieved by releasing anger on my dad even though I'm not afraid to release my anger at my dad, I'd have to do it with other people in my life. Basically, I transferred the target of my rage from my dad to my friends and others.
The only thing that would actually bring relief to me when it comes to my dad is abandoning him in a passive-aggressive way and going no-contact.
Now, having all this pent up anger I cannot release on my dad, I'm terrified of releasing it on my friends who now I understand I only made to release anger on. I have no courage because I am afraid of being on the receiving end of their anger towards my anger and of being abandoned.
My options are:
1. Release anger on my dad (ilogical).
2. Release anger on my friends (logical but I'm afraid to)
3. Go passive-aggressive on my dad and go no-contact, seclude myself, be angry at none and hope the anger dissipates with time.
Has anyone ever had experiences where you had to have an argument with someone and you were terrified of it?
| 9 |
When you decided to be better
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What was the first thing you did?
| 1 |
i feel free from pornography
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Before, I masturbated 2 to 3 times a day, until the day I masturbated to a porn that simulated a very violent rape, since that day I decided to stop. Despite many falls, it's been 2 weeks since I've touched pornography, and I'm feeling very good and quite proud of myself, when I complete a month and a half I'll come back here, to talk about my whole journey against pornography, for now I thank everyone who helped me in this fight
| 154 |
Bouncing back from failing
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I’ve just sabotaged myself into another failure, which was avoidable. How do I bounce back without a crush to my self esteem/the way I view myself?
| 1 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 7 of 180 Self improvement plan
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Started my day with a vision to execute every task with full conviction and i did. But, now I'm exhausted.
I had started my day with reading the paper. Then, followed by self study for almost 2 hrs.
Major chunk of my day was dedicated towards completing the Google Digital Marketing certification course. I have successfully completed 2 course out of 7. Today itself, I have completed 3 modules. Watched the course at 2x. Speed ramped the learning process.
I won't do this again. Eventually, I will get up to the speed. But, I will give myself the time required.
Went to the gym, my goodness.... So much rush. It took me almost 2 hrs to do the workout that could have been completed within 80 mins.
Brain stormed 9 video ideas.
On track on my plan.
| 4 |
I really hope that I get accepted abroad
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Hi,
I don't know if this really belongs here, but I see this opportunity as a self-improvement. I guess I'm looking for support or I'm just venting. If you have any opinions or advice, I'll gladly take them
I applied for 4 universities, in France, to study the second year. Problem is, I need 30 credits (1 year of studies) to access second year, but I only have 27 (I did one year, but took 9 classes instead of 10). I could've taken a summer class ( I regret it so much), but it's now too late. Let's hope that there's one France university that still accepts me! I sent my application to 4 universities
| 3 |
Some good news for a change, after 120 days, the hardest time of my life
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So I joined this sub right around the time of my birthday, three months ago. It was an awesome birthday with my parents and girlfriend and friends, however I had just received news not three days prior that a job I was supposed to start at a private investment firm, offer got rescinded. Thus, I had no plan B, didn’t qualify for social security, and frankly I thought it would be easy to get a job right away as I had always found work within ~30 days.
Boy was I wrong. For 2.5 months I not only didn’t get an offer, but I also had a mental health crisis, had to get medication, got into a car accident, had my life threatened, had to flee my home for a week, my parents informed me they are getting medical operations done, and just three days ago my girlfriend and I broke up, after she got a very stressful medical diagnosis which may or may not be cancer.
All I can say is that I didn’t give up. I did find a new job, which is in fact the best professional opportunity I’ve ever had in Marketing, doing work I actually LOVE day to day. I sorted out the details of the car accident after it being ultra stressful, sorta things out with the police investigation after being threatened, and I made the choice to move back in with my parents in a month, as I haven’t lived with them since 2019. They need help around the house with the recovery period and it’s a great opportunity to heal after all this stress and trauma.
I wanted to write this post because I looked through a few of my old posts and past-me genuinely felt hopeless so much of the time. I didn’t have cohesive direction, and was overwhelmed on a daily basis. This sub genuinely gave me a lot of courage and I’m proud to say that other than a few thousand dollars of debt - I made it out the other side, stronger, happier, with a brighter future than before.
A friend of mine gave me advice that carried me through to the other side. She said that the only real failure occurs when you decide to give up on trying again. If anyone else is going through a time where genuinely you have no clue what to do? The only advice you really need is don’t give up - because as long as you keep moving you’ll get out. ✌🏼
| 2 |
I need to get my life in order and break the cycle.
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I've been starting to take low grades ever since I started high school... and it's continuing in college. When I know I should focus on my studies, or start early, I never do. I always have some other interests I've developed, and I want to focus on them all. But it's so much harder to mentally find a balance between all these, and include new things into the package. And my parents are pushing me to be valedictorian with life skills.
What should I do?
The cycle goes like this: I don't study before an exam, the exam paper comes, I realized it was quite easy, or generally I could've done it well if I studied, then a time of quietude comes and I regret not studying, then my mom finds out and hates me for it, I brush everything off, I resume my life( staying on the phone and focusing on other matters), and then the cycle begins anew.
| 3 |
Yesterday was the 7,300th consecutive day i got high. Today, I'm quitting.
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Obviously an educated guess but i have been smoking weed everyday basically for about 20 years. I smoke multiple times per night, wake up in the middle of the night and smoke. Sometimes a wake and bake, sometimes in the afternoon.
For awhile now I've been feeling pretty crappy while high. More anxiety and depression. No interest in alot of things. My libido is poor. All i want to do is stuff my face and then i get pissed off that i did bc i have been trying to lose weight and get healthier.
I ate like a pig last night and was up all night with a stomach ache. I just laid in bed and did alot of thinking, read stories online about long term marijuana use and it just hit me - its gotta go. Today. Not next month, next week, but today. Lets just do it.
I've read some stories from people in similar situations as mine, so i want to document my journey and maybe help others as i progress.
I will not get high tonight for the first time in.....a long, long, long time.
| 324 |
Day 30 | Month 1 | Year 1
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Keep on going
Improvement: did work, tried to cook something
Goals for tomorrow: Try harder (finish two pieces of work, finish daily singing practice, learn 10 Japanese words and test myself so I remember)
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you
Post written at 11:41pm
| 3 |
21 days ago I quit alcohol. Today I am quitting weed. I have my first therapy session with an addiction therapist tonight.
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21 days ago I woke up with a terrible hangover, unable to recount the events of the previous night. That day I had an event at work and as soon as I walked into the event, I had a panic attack and had to leave. When I left the event, I found a secluded space and began bawling my eyes out. I tried calling my girlfriend, but she was at work, so I called my mother instead and confessed to her that I have a drinking problem. The previous day I had also woken up with a hangover, as well as two days prior. It's fucked to admit this, but the fact that my drinking had interfered with my work was the final straw for me, not the fact that drinking had been consistently interfering with my relationship, my friendships, and my ability to keep myself healthy.
There was power in admitting out loud that I had a problem with alcohol though, and since that day I haven't had a single drop. I sought out a therapist who can hopefully help me deal with my addiction/s, and I have my first appointment tonight.
My next favourite crutch is weed. Where I'm from we mix weed with tobacco, partly to make it last longer, partly to make it burn better, but mostly because you get addicted to the amazing combination of weed and nicotine. Combine weed, nicotine and alcohol and you've got the recipe for what used to consist of around 3/7 of my nights each week.
Since quitting booze my weed intake has been steadily increasing. Last night after smoking somewhere between 5 and 7 joints, I had an extremely overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame for allowing myself to be in that state. I felt like an absolute loser for the first time ever since I started smoking \~16 years ago. I knew then and there that I wanted to stop, and today I have managed to keep straight and sober, despite feeling the urge to smoke many times. In the past 16 years of smoking, I've stopped a handful of times, sometimes for months at a time, but usually for a few weeks, but none of those times were because I *wanted* to stop, it was usually because I was having severe mental health issues and felt that I *needed* to stop or else something terrible may happen.
This time, I feel totally different about stopping. I'm not worried about my mental health - I just have a feeling of genuinely wanting to stop. With that said, right now as I'm writing this I'm feeling a massive urge to go and roll a joint right now. In a few hours I'll have my first session with a new therapist where I can hopefully begin a journey of learning how to live without booze, weed, and nicotine.
For me the hardest part of this whole process is the sudden change in lifestyle. Not going to the pub, not going to my favourite bottle shop, wanting to stay away from friends' parties, not finishing work and just getting blazed all night by default. Like, what the fuck do I do with all of this spare time that I now have? I'm seeing certain friends less and less, which I'm okay with, but slightly sad about - were so many of my 'friendships' really predicated on drinking together?! On top of that, my housemate and best friend smokes just as much as I do, so I have the trigger of smelling a scooby being smoked, or being handed a joint in the kitchen. The amount of change that's going to have to happen to sustain quitting these substances scares me. It scares me more to allow myself to continue though, so that's an easy decision.
I mostly just wanted to share the story of the beginning of my journey. I would love to hear your stories if you've been through similar things. What do you do with the extra time you now have from not indulging in an addiction? What has come of the friends who you used to imbibe with? How did you manage to stick with your decision to stop?
Many thanks,
Lower\_District.
| 24 |
How do you stop thinking “this is me”?
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I have been in a really bad place for a while. So many bad things happened to me. I have been trying to get better but it just kept getting worse. I am having anxiety and panic attacks or just random episodes of guilt, sadness, or something like that. Therapists have been suggesting me to adjust my goals according to my disorders, even though I told them that will make me worse. I need to feel like I can be anything I want.
Now it feels like this is it. I cannot pull myself out of this. Even if I do, I will get back to this broken state. It is affecting my self esteem, mood, motivation or ability to push myself.
I don’t know how I can change this. How do I make myself believe thinking a few failures won’t make me a failure? I don’t know how to calm myself down when I get into this head space.
| 1 |
Got my license at 23 after 7 years after anxiety. Tips warmly welcomed!
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I have OCD and intrusive thoughts always scared me away from driving. Of course, with intrusive thoughts, you know you're ***not going to do*** the thing. Yet somehow, the mere thought of it sent me down a spiral of stress and fear whenever I got behind the wheel. A few months ago, I decided I wanted independence from my non-accepting parents, and the first step was the freedom driving provides.
(I also spent 2 years in therapy, and adjusting to my new medication. My OCD symptoms are almost entirely gone!)
I have a good job, but since I grew up poor, I know if I put money into something I will be held accountable by it - because money just means a lot to me due to my upbringing. So, I threw $850 at the best driving program in my city and did the entire package, then I GOT MY LICENSE!
Not only that, but I **bought my first car**! Since safety is a fear, I looked up the cars that were the safest scoring vehicles and ended up buying that one.
I was humbly wondering if anyone has any advice for teaching myself to drive better, and tackling difficult routes, on my own (without anyone else in the car). So far I've only been driving with an instructor or a friend or family member. I want more than anything to feel comfortable with just myself.
Regardless, this is a huge step for me. I want to design a plan and strategy to keep improving, and someday become fully comfortable. Thank you!
​
\*edit - Ignore second "after" in post title
| 3 |
Novels/tv shows/movies about the growth mindset
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I’m currently reading Carol Dweck’s “Mindset” book and really enjoying it! Can you guys recommend any novels/tv shows/movies about the growth mindset? I’m particularly interested in stories where the main character goes from a fixed mindset to a growth one. (I’m hoping that stories like that will motivate me along my journey.)
| 2 |
Advice for your 20s and feeling on missing out on life/not living your best life
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I'm a 22 year old woman recent graduate, unemployed, and dealt with a family problem that changed the trajectory of my life.
My intention here to to ask for advice because I want to explore my life now that I'm currently independent. I spent most of my youth sheltered and didn't really have
"fun" in the way I wanted to, such as trying out new things, and going on adventures.
I also feel tied down because I feel pressured to start work and earn money independently since I don't want to depend on my parents. However, even doing the first step is hard because I'm doubtful of myself. Lastly, I am overwhelmed with life because I want to do so many things after knowing that I've missed out on life and at the same time, I have the need to create a good foundation for my future.
I hope I make sense of what I wrote. I'd be happy to hear your response/thoughts/opinions but most especially, your advices.
Thank you.
| 5 |
Owned my past and was honest with the guy I really like -- making progress toward being more honest, facing my fears, and accepting that rejection is an unescapable part of life.
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I've been on a pretty serious improvement journey since about this time last year. A significant part of this journey has been finding peace with my past, and finally confiding in trusted people about things that previously caused me a lot of shame/guilt/fear. I have some ridiculously awesome friends who have become important support and accountability pillars, and I have worked hard to close the distance I created (in my late teens) within my familial relationships. As psychologist would remind me, I have come a long way from where I was.
In this post, I suppose I wanted to share a little bit of progress that I've made recently. I won't be going into details as to the backstory of my life, and how I reached that point I was at last year (cannot imagine anyone would be all that interested anyway). But I will mention that a lot of my past has caused me a lot of shame.
Part of my journey is opening up about the skeletons in my closet to people who I can trust and, importantly, people who should probably know. One of these people is the guy I have been seeing. We haven't been dating consistently, in part due to each having enormously busy lives and in part due to miscommunications.
We saw each other recently to catch up and talk things out. It has been a couple months since we have seen each other in person. The intense and romantic chemistry from the early months of seeing each other has sizzled down - the mutual attraction remains, however it is certainly different. Miscommunication does that.
During our conversation, I came clean about something that I had been hiding away from him. My history, THAT kind history. He had asked about my body count early-ish into going on dates. I was incredibly uncomfortable with that question at that time and, on instinct, lied. Since that happened, I could not get the conversation out my brain. Why did I lie, why was I so ashamed, what did I fear from telling the truth. I narrowed it down to being fearful of being rejected by the guy I really like, fearful of judgement, fearful of losing someone who I finally felt a spark with.
Through this self betterment journey I have learned that one of the key values I hope to uphold my life is honesty. After much resistance from my inner, fearful self, I concluded that if the topic (that I had lied in my answer about) came up again, I would admit to my lying and be honest with him. Even if that would lead into sharing a bit of my back story (not overkill dump details of my entire adult on him, but tell him about it truthfully).
So when it came up in our conversation recently, that is exactly what I did.
I'd be lying if I said I felt a complete sense of ease right after it, or even during it. It was uncomfortable to talk about, and talking about THAT kind of past is something I often avoid talking about (I know he dislikes talking about romantic pasts too). It would be easier to keep up with the lie, not like anyone would dispute it, but doing this was important for me and this journey I am on. I know not telling him the truth would be worse. It would go against my values that I have worked so hard to figure out and live by.
He is the first guy who has challenged me to be better. I could make an entire list on things I changed in my life since he came into it. He is the first guy who I could actually see myself marrying and having children with. My mindset on children, motherhood, family, has all completely shifted since meeting him. Before I was worried I would never want to have children with anybody.
Having told him now, a small part of me wants to retreat after sharing the most vulnerable, hidden part of my past. That fear monster is alive and well inside me, wanting to protect me and set up a barrier. However, I know that if we are ever going to give dating another shot, he must know. The fact that the question was posed in the first place indicates to me that this may be something he values or cares about. I cannot deceive him should it be important to him when finding a partner, and whether I like it or not, if he decides that this is a deal breaker for him, there is no more I can do. I will respect his wishes.
I suppose I do feel a small bit of release and ease from knowing there is nothing else I have to hide.
It would hurt to let go, more that I care to admit, but if that is what it is, then that is how it will be. I have been open with him and laid all my cards down onto the table. Being this vulnerable doesn't come easily, especially not in front of the guy I like. Especially not when rejection may occur as a result.
Reframing rejection is another important part of my self journey. It is not a negative thing, it's part of life, and living life to avoid it will do me no good.
Eventually, I know I can move onward in life knowing that whatever we had was still a positive thing to have happened. Some people aren't supposed to stick around forever, some people come into your life to inspire growth. Whatever happens, I know it was the right thing to do.
| 198 |
What steps should I take to overcome victim mentality? any book recommendations?
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I just learned yesterday that I have a victim mentality. To be honest, it's quite a breath of fresh air. At least I know what's wrong with me. I realized that the reason why I'm depressed is because of this. I'd like to know what I should do about it, unfortunately I can't afford therapy so I'll be relying on books. If you have suggestions and resources I'll gladly take it. Thanks. :)
| 5 |
Am I not allowed to Love freely and with risk?
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Little bit of a rant, but also just something I've been thinking about lately about how maybe in my journey to 'make myself better' I could also accidentally be depriving myself as well...
I have been very careful of my role and identity in romantic relationships.
I had realized that I was lost in making sure the other person would like me (let alone love me) that sometimes it was at the cost and expense of my needs, boundaries and opinions.
So I ended up not dating or being in a romantic relationship for 3 years (altho the pandemic certainly did help that too hahaha!)
During that time, I made sure to learn to be acquainted to myself. To be comfortable to do things and be on my own but never feel lonely because of it. I learned to understand who I was outside of the habit of using relationships to mold my personality. To understand, to some degree, what my principles and boundaries are.
So then, I decided to get back on the dating game last year. And it has been interesting - touch and go between remembering I am secure on my own and sort of feeling insecure about the result of the dates. But in none of that time, did I ever compromise my boundaries or comfort zone. I did not compromise my right to say "No" or force myself into situations just so he could 'like' me enough to see me again. I didnt filter myself or pretend to be someone I'm not.
What it ended up becoming is me being on first dates, maybe second dates and then nothing. Some of those dates, ended with sex and others? Nothing.
And all of that was fine. I was still satisfied. Happy. Content. Secure.
The result or culmination of those dates had no impact or opinion of who I was within or outside of 'Romance'.
So cut to this past week. I match with this man and he is the sweetest thing I have ever met. Proper gentleman, treating me like a princess.
Asks how my day is. Incredibly open and honest of his emotions.
And I dont feel compromised or forced or being sucked into that dangerous void of losing myself over our shared vulnerabilities.
So...I dont know. I was frank and open with him that I have no expectations of a relationship or long term commitments. I'm just open that I am trying to just enjoy the cards I am dealt with each day, week and month and go from there.
I did tell my friend, however, of how a recent date went. First date.
He kissed my hand goodbye.
And she was instantly like...I guess burst my bubble?
"Oh I can see you peering over the cliff" she texted me back.
And i knew where she was going with this. She was about to remind me/lecture me as she always does, that I should remember to 'manage expectations'. To 'slow down'.
She did it to me at every opportunity of every date.
And this time I told her to stop. I told her that "Yes, I am aware of how quickly I can fall. But right now, I just want to enjoy and have fun and feel love and give love. At some point...I can't keep holding back forever too. It's too tiring."
And I wasnt lying.
I've kept myself at bay for almost 5 years now. I have taken note of my reactions and thoughts and emotions up to this point and like...so what if maybe I'm starting to love the way he texts me to check on me and treat me like a princess every once in a while? So what if even through this thing, I'm certain we'll end up breaking each others' hearts because we're both large silly softies who pin our hearts openly on our sleeves?
Am I not allowed to Love freely and with risk?
| 4 |
I need help on how to become a better person and to stop all my bad habits...
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So I have or had this friend group and we were really cool with each other. I made some mistakes like saying bad rude jokes sometimes but I said sorry and it seemed like they forgave me. Then now I was jokingly pretending to be a mutual friend and they now know that I was pretending to be someone who I am not. I know I have a low self esteem and I didn't think it thorough so those were factors. Sometime before they found out, I was thinking "I fucked up again" and I was trying to reverse it but it was pretty much too late since I trapped myself. I feel and think I just killed my friendships with several of my closest friends over something that was supposed to be harmless and might have went a bit too far. Anyways I need advice. What should I do in this case or situation? Should I admit and tell them that I am responsible? Should I just hide it? Should I just block them and never talk to them again? I am not a bad person, I have a good reputation and background, but this can change a lot of things. I have been honestly thinking of just ending all my friendships and try my best not to talk. I really messed up and I try not to do dumb stuff, but I always do dumb stuff that costs me something that I loved and cherished. I honestly am thinking about suicide, not because of this alone, but because of other things in my life they are only getting worse. My social issues are the insult to injury and honestly I dont want to be alive anymore. I hate myself for messing up and hurting people. I wish I was never born and I wish I burn in hell (if there is one) because I think the world will be better without me. I expect hate comments so feel free to tell me what is on your mind. I am having a hard time breathing and I am panicking right now. It is 1am right now and I have my first college class this summer. This is the worst possible timing but I deserve the worst. I am not expecting much from this but I just want to vent how I feel and how much I hate myself because I hate myself a lot. I honestly wish I wasn't in my current ugly body and I could be able to beat up myself from the outside instead of inside. This is on top of everyone I know fighting with each other, my HS graduation was a disaster, and now I am dealing with this. I have been feeling the worst especially during this month and I don't expect the next month to get any better. I know in a way I did this to myself, but I'm still hurt and I still regret it. I regret a lot of things in my sad terrible life. Shouldn't have said and done lots of things I have said and done in my lifetime. I just don't want to be alive. I hate myself. I hate my life. Thank you
| 2 |
Public Journal To Fix My Life | Day 1 of 90
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Hello everyone! I know this is a little odd to publicly share a journal, but I am doing this as a way to stay accountable and get out of my comfort zone, and to maybe inspire some people.
I’m not used to doing this, so if you want to read this just know that I’ll do my best to keep it somehow fun/interesting to read but I can’t guarantee anything lol, my priority is to be honest and keep it real.
Just a little bit of background for y’all: Right now I’m at the lowest point in my life and for a LONG time I’ve been contemplating taking my life, I once was a talented and promising young man but anxiety, fear, depression and a mix of other things ruin all that.
The past two years I’ve been watching my life pass by… Doing nothing but rotting in my room all day.
However, I started therapy a couple of weeks ago and decided to give life a second chance and it all starts now.
Sharing this with all of you helps me stay accountable and consistent which is key in my progress.
So, what did I do today? I feel like today was a great day overall. Firstly, because I managed to FINALLY organize my room, I now can open the door without shame and it feels great.
I also got an interview on friday for an Internship, which is a great relief because not getting an internship was hurting my mental health as it is a requirement for me to graduate
I’m pretty nervous as it will be my first interview EVER (McDonalds “interview” doesn’t count lol), but I learned that being nervous is normal and is a actually a good thing, I earned being nervous because I have the guts to go and send an email and put myself out there. I need to be chill and remember that if they answer me it is because they saw potential in me and I´ll be useful to them.
Lastly, I made a BIG step today. One of my (many) problems is social media addiction and I bought a couple of apps that will definitely help me with that issue, one allows me to block social media apps and the other, forces me to take a deep breath and think twice before opening any social media.
I’ve been using both for half a day and I feel a massive improvement, most of the time (at least today) when I take a deep breath before opening Instagram, I find myself with other productive things to do other than endlessly scrolling and watching countless reels. Those 3-5 seconds before opening an app are really a game changer.
Well, that’s it for day 1. I think that overall today was a massive W and thank you for reading this, I highly appreciate it and (hopefully) see you tomorrow!
\-D.
| 7 |
Would anyone be interested in joining a community which is for parents who are breaking the cycle of generational trauma with their own kids? I thought it would be nice to create a community where we could help each other out.
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It's for those of us who are raising kids, without any sort of healthy or sane parental guidance (due to the fact that we come from dysfunctional families). I created this just today. r/BreakNarcCycleParent I Don't know yet if there would be an interest or a need for it but here it is. Hope this post is not breaking any rules.
| 27 |
I ask because I trust this sub: how do I deal with younger, catty women in this job? Details that matter in body.
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I am from New England. Moved to TX. It's been an adjustment. Thiug I've had a lot of healing in way of interpersonal relationships as a whole.. professional or otherwise it's like Texans take me as cold, talk too much, too straight forward. I'm beginning to acclimate after.a couple years but I strive to find myself after so much hardship.. I digress..
I don't aim to be in victim mode I am just used to easily getting along with others in the work place and since moving down to the Houston area it's been such a challenge. I also keep finding myself working amongst younger women:
I am 34 and the closest to my age besides the manageren in their 40s is a couple women who are 27. One who I would never have guessed is 27. I .not judging like THAT. at 27 I was ready to fight all day.
But are catty like it's high school. They are catty and cut throat like they have threats to worry about because they are in their younger years.. I guess?
I want to go to work and do my job because I enjoy the field I work in. For many of my coworkers it is their first job at all or their first job on this field and they are very proud for how far they have come and how much they have learned... And I came in already knowing everything about the field.. but just needing know how the specific company I work for does it. They were like helicopter parents in training me. I tried to patient but I can only be talked to like I have no idea what I am doing with someone hovering over me so much. I do not have children so I understand sometimes this causes me.to be unaware of how cold I come across.
Every other job in this field I have been trusted that I know what I am doing and I am just trained about the job. I also usually deal with decent communication given how jobs in general lack it... And since I'm working with people with less experience it's way different.
There's this junior in high school that, I give her credit.. super smart, super determined, is a certified trainer but I feel a power struggle. Where I see team work she sees challenging her
And same with a shift leader that has been with the company 4 years, but it's also his first food service job.
Idk what to do here. I am limited on transportation temporarily and need to work two jobs until I'm back on my feet but it's like damn..some days.
| 2 |
I am insecure and a stalker
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I feel so ridiculous about this, but I desperately need to vent. There's this girl my ex BF dated. And I'm completely obsessed with her. I have spent countless hours of my life stalking her social media. I have seen every corner of the internet she has touched. It's been a year. I feel terrible every time. My ego is destroyed to write this down, so please be gentle (but honest).
She is an artist, listens to every obscure musician on the face of the Earth, is "quirky", have all these weird friends. And I feel ordinary and inferior. Like my brain is not wired to be this "unique". It is SO ridiculous to write this down, but I need to be honest.
What the F should I do? I feel like ignoring her is just admitting that she is so much better that the only way to feel better is to pretend she doesn't exist. I must accept my ordinary personality on order to truly move on. I don't want to fake my wavy into a "quirky girl personality" either.
Advice, please.
| 20 |
Can’t seem to accept the reality
|
At 31, I’ve lost so many years of my life to anxiety and depression that I really feel like a lost cause. I live with chronic loneliness and low feelings and when I try to get better it all goes back. I honestly struggle to see a point to my life.
| 20 |
Is it possible to have such a severe dopamine addiction that even the usual dopamine addiction sources can’t do anything? NSFW
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I hope my title is somewhat clear because I didn’t want to get too graphic. It’s nofap related.
I have a professional diagnosis of “overactive dopamine”/“dopamine seeking”.
Basically after years of nofap/abstinence (not on purpose, I used to work nights so was either too tired or busy to fap, I’m also asexual and I don’t like porn) I can no longer feel sexual pleasure at all and the idea of sex or masturbation feels like an annoying chore I dread so I still haven’t done it successfully. A few times I’ve tried and given up after half an hour of flopping a limp noodle around.
I am wondering if, during this period of abstinence, I developed such a severe dopamine addiction to OTHER things that even masturbation doesn’t create a dopamine hit. Like my dopamine receptor has such high needs now that even the things other dopamine addicts usually rely on for a hit, like sex or porn, can’t even give me a detectable hit at all.
But I can’t seem to find where those dopamine hits are coming from. I certainly don’t FEEL like I’m getting a lot of dopamine. I’m critically exhausted at all times, dopamine seems to come with an energy boost and I’ve never had energy a day in the last two years. I don’t use social media besides Reddit and listening to longform YouTube videos (nothing under 30 minutes), I work a slow and unfulfilling job at a bookstore, I don’t consume caffeine, alcohol or drugs. I don’t have friends or go out often. How do I have an addiction that’s somehow more severe than porn and social media addicts, when I don’t do any of the known dopamine triggers?
Could it be oils and sugars in my food?
| 39 |
I’ve just broken up with my girlfriend of 7 years and I feel so conflicted and all over the place.
|
I don’t even know where to start. I had such a miserable childhood, made horrible mistakes and met the most amazing girl who saw the dull light in me. She bought it to life and I projected so many years of trauma onto her, and she never backed down and made me change into the person I am today because all I wanted to do is prove to her and myself that I can be a good person. After this long battle, we finally found peace and serenity, however the spark and love that led to these changes became the thing that made us incompatible. I suppose she’s a fixer, and I’m a broke man. I’m finally fixed and it hurts so much to see that our journey is coming to an end and she is not going to be the source of my light anymore. I feel heartbroken, confused and lost again, but this time round she has built me to be a genuinely good person to be able to make the right decisions from the get go wherever I land next. I will always love her and pray that she is safe, warm and nurtured from the stress she endured helping me get better
| 6 |
not letting my stupid brain win this time
|
just need to get it out there in the world. i have had really, really bad depression and anxiety essentially my whole life. debilitating stuff. not gonna get into it, but wanted to die most of my life.
about two years ago, i had a breakthrough in my mental health. i finally started to want to live. i would see the sun and feel like i could breathe. i did so much goddamn work to get there. obviously still had bad days, but i was trying and getting somewhere.
around 1.5 years ago, i got into my first serious relationship. it ended about two weeks ago now. honestly pretty healthy breakup, there was so much good in that relationship. just was not going to work. we both knew it had to end, and both still love eachother. shit sucks. this is the worst heartbreak i have ever experienced.
so, the last two weeks. the bullshit unhappy chemicals that i fought against so hard have certainly been more present. it’s scary as hell. feeling those depths that held me for most of my life is simply, absolutely, terrifying. the first few days were the worst. the overwhelming, all encompassing pain. most of my life, i would have allowed the darkness to just take over. i truly can’t believe i’m alive to type this right now. in those days of pain, i knew i had no other option then to just keep going.
i don’t have an elegant way to word this, so i’m just going to say how i have been living. for this first few days of constant crying, i just. let myself. i know it’s stereotypical bs to say feel the pain, but i put all my faith in that. i cried and cried. but i also made myself shower and wash my face. i couldn’t eat, so i drank smoothies. i called my mom. a lot. even at 3 am. she would just sit there with me and let me cry. it was the closest i have ever felt to her. i decided to keep going.
i repainted the walls of my room. i cleaned out my closet and donated all the old stuff. i have been drinking coffee and eating salads. i have been going outside. i make an effort to play with my dogs everyday. i have listened to 5 audiobooks. today, when i got home from work, i got a book and sat in the hammock on my back deck.
it all hurts, pretty much still all the time. i cry every night, and my heart hurts like it did on those nights when i wanted to not live. but i am still laughing. a lot. and i am still crying. and i am so goddamn proud of myself for deciding to laugh and cry and paint my room and drink smoothies. i know time will help. i just needed to tell someone that i am goddamn trying and it means everything to me that i sat on a hammock with a book today and laughed with my mom.
| 2 |
Changing From The Inside Out
|
There’s little we can control in the world. Other people, the stock market, weather, or world events are outside of our influence. However, we can control ourselves, and that’s all we need to control. Changing our inner world leads to the changes we wish to see in our lives.
It may be hard to believe that changing our thoughts or attitude can make us healthy, wealthy, and wise. However, making inner changes can have dramatic effects on every part of our lives.
Enhance your life by making these internal changes:
How you view failure. Do you view failure as an embarrassment? Is it something you should avoid at all costs?
● What if you viewed failure as simply a step along the way to success? Failure just means that the approach you used didn’t work. It’s an opportunity to re-think your process and try again. If you keep learning and making improvements, how can you possibly fail in the long-term?
● The way you view adversity plays a big part in your overall wellbeing. How do you view setbacks? – are they personal, permanent and pervasive or temporary situations to be built upon? What view would be most useful to you?
Values. Suppose someone valued charity, kindness, and modesty. What type of life would they lead? Suppose someone else valued freedom, adventure, and courage. Now, suppose a third person valued money, power, and greed. It’s easy to see how these three people would lead very different lives.
● What are your values? Do they support the life you want to live? Or, is your life in line with your values?
Beliefs. Beliefs frame how you view the world. What you believe about yourself may be limiting. Beliefs evolve through time: do you believe the same about Santa Claus now as you did when you were six years old?
● List some of your beliefs about the world, yourself, and life in general. How are those beliefs helping or hurting you? What beliefs would be helpful for you to develop and enjoy the life you desire?
Attitude. Do you expect things to work out for you, or are you primarily pessimistic? You’ll be less likely to try to do something if you have negative expectations. A positive attitude can help with your patience and ability to persevere when things aren’t going well.
● Consider how your attitude is impacting the results you’re generating in your life.
Gratitude. Giving yourself a reminder of what is already working in your life can positively impact your attitude and expectations. It can also reduce anxiety and benefit your perspective.
● Take a few minutes from time to time to list the things you’re grateful for. Notice the small things – they’re often, actually, the big things!
Thoughts. Our thoughts are under our control, though it might not seem that way. It’s easy to prove this to yourself. You can choose to think about an ice cream cone or a green cow. You can choose to think about anything you like.
● It’s valuable to take control of your thoughts. If you’re predominately thinking about negative outcomes, you’re going to struggle.
● Monitor your thinking, keep things in perspective. Note those recurring, unhelpful, thoughts: challenge yourself to challenge yourself.
Changing yourself internally can support you in living your best life. Without making those inner changes, any behavioural changes are likely to be superficial. You’ll be constantly fighting yourself – and that’s hard work!
Inner changes align your thoughts with your behaviour: you with the world around you.
I hope you got something out of this quick read. I have posted more on my own tiny corner of Reddit and it would be great to see you there.
| 1 |
I’m finally turning my life around, but I can’t help but kick myself for not being good enough to have crazy experiences in my teen and early 20s. How can I get over this? Any advice?
|
I’ve literally been having the most perfect day. My official doctorate degree came in the mail. I’m starting my first ever job in 2 weeks and I finished onboarding. I have my therapy session next week, I lost 5lbs and looking better.
So bad news about me. I’m 5’7 brown fat and a godamn fucking loser. I’m a virgin at 25 and not for lack of trying. None of the dating apps work for me not even a match. I went through college and had some friends and fun, but I never learned game, overall friend groups weren’t great, and never had any crazy drunk sex and hookup stories.
I’m happy my life is gettin better now, but it really doesn’t matter. I fucked up the best years, I will never have any crazy hookup or cheating on my gf stories. I’ll never have any exes from college I’ll run into, that will make me hotter to a potential partner. My lack of partners and being a virgin has offset all my academic hard work. Any words?
| 1 |
I didn’t know where to go. It’s one of my reddit friend’s bday tomorrow. She’s like a mom to me. Some special people in her life won’t be able to celebrate it. Can we get a couple bday wishes for her?Turning 53
|
I’d really like to get some bday wishes for her.
| 1 |
Lost, alone, no place to stay
|
I'm 24, have no friends, my roommate is moving out and told me last minute, so I'm going to be alone, I don’t have many possessions, have a car, job I just started(waiter/bartend) pays above average. No plan where ill be staying yet, most likely week to week motel, have about $1k in my savings, will try to get a place once I have the $ to put down. I've been dealing with family issues since I left home, my family has never been close and its affected them, my parents are getting a divorce because of my dads alcoholism, my mom really wants me to move back home, and offered to help. But I don’t want to move back home, because I want to be alone, I have too much pride to accept financial help, and I cant really afford to rent somewhere(CA, too expensive). So I don't know what to do, I don’t have much going on, just this job, no place to live yet. I am trying to get into a tech training program in order to get a higher paying job. Other than that I have been dealing with a lot of negative thoughts and mental health issues that have affected me since 16. I have a hard time opening up to people and have never been close to my family, very isolated growing up and its definitely made my life harder now that im older. I just don’t really know what to do, I feel like everything negative is my fault.
| 2 |
How do you know when it’s time to “Cut the String” with someone?
|
How do you know when it’s
time to “Cut the String” with someone?
(Partner, Family, Friend, acquaintance,
colleague, etc.…)
| 1 |
My insecurity is ruining my relationship
|
It is difficult to put this into words, but I'll try. Thank you in advance to anyone who reads my word salad.
For the past 6 months I (28M)'ve been dating a wonderful woman (36F). She's sweet, kind, very positive and cares about me a lot. She's always there for me and I really love her. The problem is that my insecurity and fear are pushing her away.
We went on a camping festival last weekend and I was horrible to her. I was toxic, passive aggressive, distant and I ruined it for her. I felt threatened by all the guys around us, I was building up negative emotion and then I was taking it out on her. Same thing happened on the last trip we had as well. 99% of the time things are great, but when she's (or we're) out partying, I feel so much fear.
The truth is that I don't feel like I am enough for her, I don't feel like I deserve her. I've been going to therapy since we started dating seriously, I am getting better but I'm not there yet.
One week ago, she asked me to move in together. After coming back from the trip, I realized that she's not so sure anymore. I feel like I'm losing her, I'm doing to myself the thing I fear most.
I don't know how to fix this. After all my horrible behavior, she still comes to my place to spend time with me, she's very kind to me and offers reassurance. I feel so guilty and sad that I am hurting a woman who loves me so much.
Is there anyone here that managed to overcome issues like this? Besides therapy, I want to meditate more, journal and read self-improvement books, so any advice/suggestions on those would be greatly appreciated.
| 17 |
Can't finish my master's
|
I have done two master's (in Europe). I have finished all courses with decent to good grades. I feel like I know my stuff. The trouble is I haven't been able to finish my master paper, which means I don't have my degree. I keep saying I will do it, but I always keep delaying it and not finishing it!
I don't know what to do anymore. I should be able to do this, I know I should, but for some reason I can't finish it.
Does anybody have any tips or tricks? I have trouble starting, but I started both of them already. Then I get stuck and I just want to do something completely different. I have changed topics 3 times and have asked for an exception to do it after I didn't finish it last year. I am just a little lost. I have lied to my parents that I finished it and I have a job that pays decent money, but it's not payed as much as I could if I get my degree. But mostly it's not the type of job I want to do and all the jobs I want to do, you need that degree.
It feels like a deep dark secret and I can't talk to anybody about it, because they think I already finished it. Besides that I just really want to finish it for myself.
| 4 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 6 of 180 Self improvement plan
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Started my day by teaching chemistry. Took my mumma to the hospital for eye checkup.
Created some copies for the agency. Didn't achieve my end of the goal untill mid afternoon.
Started Google Digital Marketing certification module and speed ramped the process. Completing 2 modules today.
Created a thumbnail for my youtube video. Had a goal to self study about 80 mins but lacked in that department. Could do about 40 mins only. Although some progress indeed.
And I did have some energy to do close grip bench press of 80KG for 5 sets with out support. That was the best part.
On track on my plan.
| 3 |
Is it bad that I never really got into a sport when I was younger?
|
I feel diffident because of the fact that I never got any good at any sport during my younger years. I wished I would have gotten good at at least one sport like martial arts, soccer, biking, or swimming (although, I tried swimming and felt that it isn't compatible w/ me, though I am considering trying it again). I used to suffer from depression and piss away all of the time (when I am not in school) I would have on video games (as a method of escapism). Although I got more fit (and feel more confident) in comparison now (lost almost 100 lbs since then) and lift weights, I still feel bad that I can't relate to any of my peers whenever they bring up their accomplishments or profound knowledge on sports. What should I do in your opinion?
My background: I am a 20M who is a semester away from finishing an Associates at a community college and I intend on continuing to pursue Computer Engineering. I live with my parents for now. I am considering getting into some type of sport for fitness and social benefits.
| 1 |
Turning my life around. How can I not feel depressed.
|
I’m currently 29 (soon to be 30) pursuing a second degree as my first one was a complete failure. I graduated with a low gpa despite hard work and significant effort. I got my degree but haven’t really worked since then due to my depression. I can’t help but feel that I’ve failed at life. Even if I end up finally starting a career after all this I’m still going to be miles behind my peers.
Anyway, despite all these setbacks and failures I have a lot to look forward to and am optimistic about the future. I’m starting a job next week, which I plan to keep until graduation, if I can’t find any internships, even though it’s part time. I am close to finishing my associates degree with a 3.2, made the deans list twice.
Despite all this I am still have depression and anxiety over the past And can’t help but feel that I’ve ruined my 20s. How can I not feel bad about my current successes.
| 3 |
Are you struggling to stay consistent in the gym?
|
If anyone’s struggling to stay consistent with exercise, lifting weights or even walking and working on physical health. I suggest reading atomic habits by James clear. This book has helped me and clearly outlines 4 laws to eliminate bad habits and maintain good ones.
Or drop me a comment and I’ll keep you accountable and make you a custom plan free
| 3 |
What’s really helped me become happier and more pro-active
|
Going to the gym 4x a week
- I hate working out but the differences are immaculate and it relaxes anger
Filling my life with positive things
- cringey, but I only watch happy shows and avoiding any negative media or music
(My favorite show right now is pre-historic planet on Apple TV)
Getting outside and about
- it absolutely sucks in the beginning and I’m tired and feel like I’m wasting my time but eventually you can look back and think “wow I’m being pro-active and my life is full”
Hiking
- I’ve always loved hiking but was to lazy and hypocritical to do it, it is truly my favorite thing in life and I cannot imagine living without
- it’s something to look forward too
- I’m working harder so eventually I can take a bunch of time off and just travel and hike
| 3 |
What does a healthy, mature and successful person look like?
|
I'm trying to think about my life and how I'd like to live. It's clear that success is individual and will take different forms as people express their personal values. However, I do enjoy looking to examples of people who are healthy, balanced and mature, for inspiration and motivation to live the best version of my life that I can.
| 2 |
I can’t seem to form a routine
|
I still have to constantly convince myself to go to the gym despite going for 6 months. Same for drawing and showing.
If this helps I have ADHD which isn’t an excuse but still. I don’t seem to follow a schedule, I make a planner but never follow it.
Advice appreciated
| 4 |
What Is A Solution to Modern Isolation And Loneliness?
|
Hey everyone,
We're living in an era where we're more "connected" than ever before, and yet, it's common to feel more alone and isolated than our ancestors probably ever did. This paradox has profound effects, particularly for men who have historically relied on close-knit communities or "tribes" for support, camaraderie, and personal growth.
Such tribes provided a sense of belonging, a collective identity, and a space for sharing knowledge and experience. In today's modern society, where the focus is often on individual success and self-reliance, we're missing out on these vital connections.
The question then becomes: How can we, especially men, reconnect with this tribal spirit in the digital age? One way I've been exploring is through online communities. These platforms can serve as a digital tribe, offering a safe space to share experiences, engage in meaningful discussions, challenge each other, and grow together.
I've started experimenting with this concept and created a Discord server that focuses on personal growth and development. The goal is to have a community where we support each other through various life aspects, from financial wisdom to relationship advice.
But I'm interested to hear your thoughts.
How do you think we can bring back this tribal sense of community in our modern world?
What aspects would you value most in such a community?
And finally, do you think digital platforms like Discord can serve as modern tribes? If not, why, and what alternatives might work better?
I'm eager to hear your ideas and experiences.
Remember, this isn't just a discussion.
It's a step towards creating a more supportive, interconnected world for us all.
| 10 |
Need help and an outside perspective on my problem.
|
Hello!
First of all, mandatory exclaimer: English isn't my native language, so I apologize for any grammar errors.
I'm not exactly sure how should I explain my "problem" with words so apologies for such an unusual explanation. The root of the issue is as follows:
I have... a difficult time making changes in my life. No matter if we're talking small or big, over 90% of my attempts have ended in failure. And what's worse, all of those failures followed the same pattern of behavior:
1. The idea - it starts with a simple "I should do X". And by X, I mean multiple things - from big ideas like finally starting to write [my hidden dream is to write a book, but at the same time I have absolutely no faith in myself] to small ones like buying a cosmetic to use on a regular basis [and failing to do it].
2. The work - For a certain amount of time [from one day to one month, sometimes even longer] everything is okay. Either I have the motivation that drives me forward or I just try my best to do the thing I want to do on a regular basis. And when I fail, there is...
3. The burnout - just like that. I fizzle out, I get discouraged and I return to my "previous" life.
What's worse, I feel such weird... numbness when I do things. Successes/Progress rarely motivates me and every failure for the last 3-4 years I've welcomed with a shrug of my arms and that's it. Writing down stuff/journaling doesn't me at all.
And I'm not a hopeless case, because I did manage to do some good. I've managed to lose almost 90 lbs at some point [only to regain most of it later on, but that's beside the point]. I've managed to learn and be consistent with some eating habits. I've learned to take care of my skin.
But... there is still so much I could/want/need to do. I want to lose again this weight that I've gained. I want to exercise more. I want to be fit. I've been trying for years at this point and this constant burning out is just... gah, it's annoying. I feel like I've been slamming my head against the wall for the last couple of years.
That's why I'm writing here. This sub looks like a perfect place to reach out. Could I have a discipline problem? Have I been approaching things the wrong way?
Thank you all for reading this post, and thank you in advance for any responses. I appreciate it.
| 1 |
Overcoming Fear and Building Confidence: Initiating Conversation with Someone I'm Interested In
|
**TL;DR - I'm afraid to message a girl on Messenger because it feels cringe, but I want to change that. I had a positive interaction with her during an assistant police officer training. I believe she knows about me and my brother through some online search. I would like to message her but don't know what to say. I'm introverted, lack confidence, and used to be overweight. I dislike my pictures and don't post them on social media. I need tips on how to start a conversation with her.**
Hey, sorry if I have any typos. English is not my primary language. Some time ago, I made a post expressing my lack of confidence and fear of talking to strangers. However, it turns out that wasn't entirely true. While I don't have a problem talking to people in general, when it comes to someone I'm interested in, my brain tends to freeze like an error 404 page.
Recently, I attended an assistant police officer training where I had great interactions with a few girls. One of them caught my attention, and whenever we spoke, it felt like she was genuinely interested in what I had to say. She even mentioned seeing my brother, who works as a police officer, while he was on duty. These signs make me think that she may have done some research and knows that we are brothers, not just random guys with the same last name (which is quite common in my country).
I really want to message her on Messenger, but I find it awkward and cringy. I'm unsure about what to say since the only information I know about her is her age, the city she lives in, and that she is a single mom.
I should also mention that I consider myself introverted (self-diagnosed) and lack confidence, partly because I used to be extremely overweight at around 137 kg about a year ago. Currently, I'm 22 years old, 188 cm tall and weigh 102 kg. I have never had confidence in myself and always felt like people were laughing at me whenever they saw me. I dislike every picture of myself and never post any on social media.
I would really appreciate some tips on how to initiate a conversation with her and what to say.
| 1 |
Day 29 | Month 1 | Year 0
|
It’s gonna take me awhile. On the plus side, I attended a Olympiad today and couldn’t do almost all questions. Still, it is a nice experience and I’ll probably go again next year.
Improvement: Tried something new, did my work
Goals for tomorrow: do more of my work, read a good book, do some chores
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :)
Post written at 11:27pm
| 2 |
Why is being an adult so hard?
|
Hey guys, I'm a 20F who's been under alot of stress lately, all this stress has lead to me feeling under confident, lower self esteemed and sad all the times, I have been crying alot lately and think this might be really not healthy for me.
Firstly I am currently struggling to accept the fact that I come from a household of 3 other people my mom, my dad and my elder brother who are fighting their own problems everyday and no matter how much I try, I can't really help them because I'm just a kid for them. I can only love them but I feel like giving up, isolating myself, punishing them with silence when they fail to misunderstand me and just working on myself in a way that I'm enough without them. But the truth is that I truly love them and no matter how hard it gets or whatever decisions I take, I want them to be with me. So, it's just a struggle to accept that this is the consequence of my actions only. It's hard loving people after all.
Secondly I feel extremely guilty all the time for not having a source of income like I used to before all my life took a turn. Even though I'm trying to focus on upskilling, I am constantly questioning myself that if I'm really good enough for anything. So, my struggle is accepting that it's okay and that I need to start acting my age right now by just doing my best and being dependent on my parents because they're only investing in me. I am struggling with accepting that I am still just a kid.
Thirdly I feel like I'm not good enough for any relationships of any kind and that I should be left alone because I've my own struggles and managing to love my people along with that is a task that I'm not good at. And all I've ever learned to do is run away than actually facing anything. I've tried to avoid pain by not allowing myself to make mistakes instead of protecting myself from pain which has only made me a coward. I feel like I keep dissapointing my boyfriend, even though he keeps helping me and supporting me, I just keep pushing him away, because I feel like I'm not good enough for him and he deserves better, I feel like such a mess all the time and I don't want to be a load on him, but I really really like being with him.
Lastly I ignore my feelings to be more desirable for people, even my boyfriend keeps saying I need to stop being so fake and a people pleaser, I have almost cancelled our dates just to get some college work done for my friends. I pretend to have my shit together even when I don't. I hate looking weak because I don't want people to worry about it and I struggle with opening up because I'm scared of being misunderstood by the people I expect to know how to handle me when I open up to them. I always think of myself as a strong independent woman and don't want to be or feel weak in front of anyone, not even my boyfriend, even though he know's who I really am, its just so hard for me to accept my reality.
It's like I distract myself with work when I'm sad instead of actually feeling my feelings, and then I sit alone and find a empty space to just cry and cry over and over again.
I don't know whether this is a call for help or just a ranting session, but I need some kindness, solutions, motivation and uplifting comment's really bad right now!
| 1 |
Plan to improvement, what changes can make a difference ?
|
So, I’m someone who likes to plan and this time it is probably the first time I struggle to actually see the bigger plan. This past 3 weeks I had been a LOT out of schedule so wants to get back on track but on a deeper level.
**To you what needed changes stand out from the "where am at” list above?** (besides ofc leaving my relationship which is common sense)
**Health** : no serious illnesses, sometimes "limping" if I just stay in bed 24/7 over a long period of time, emotional binge eating, snacks, hadn’t worked out in 2 weeks.
**Finances** : not making the minimum wage, 0€ profit from website.
**Personal development** : working on myself via journaling, self regulation, discovering myself more, working on triggers to identify and work through it, meditation, gratitude, self acceptance, unlearning old pattern to learn healthier one, reparenting myself.
**Relationships** : no friends, not going out/having fun then an immature, unstable, controlling, sensitive, emotionally abusives, lack of awareness/reflection, depressed, entitle, abandonment issues, attachment issues, anger issues and extremely projecting partner.
**Career** : 0€ profit business, no stable job, making less than minimum wage via side hustle, not knowing how to actually revamp my business since it keeps failing.
**Self care** : lately none besides a few skincare, relaxing and sometimes respecting my boundaries with him.
**Home-life** : living in a bedroom with child siblings, daily screams, depressed and burnout mom, useless stepfather, 24/7 noise, no privacy when going to bathroom, kids screaming day and middle of night, mom constantly trauma dumping.
**Free time** : TOO MUCH for my own well-being as someone who loves to be productive
| 1 |
Please help me . I am struggling with this for so long.
|
I am a student, I am struggling with my phone addiction.. I watch Netflix, I play online games , and scroll most of the time.. I want to quit my addiction 😞. I don't feel to study..
Suggest me something please ❤️🩹
| 1 |
I feel so beautiful today.
|
And I mean in a deep internal way (even though I do feel pretty cute on the outside!).
I grew up with a lot of self love even though I had some insecurities with social cliques as a child. But at the end of the day, I always knew I was an awesome little girl with lovely friends and a great family.
Then right at the end of my teens a series of traumatic events and difficult environments left my self worth deeply shattered. I truly felt like I was a fake, bad person with no value or self worth. And it felt like that for years.
Today though I'm sitting in my room, listening to music, playing a fun game, drinking sparkling water and feeling like life could not get better. Career wise, I have accomplished nothing impressive.
I've never had a serious partner and am nowhere close to getting one. I want children, but who knows how that will happen. I doubt I'll be able to own a home with my salary and trajectory. But, my family and friends are alive and so am I.
I am safe. I am healthy. I have someone I can hug if I need to. I have a clean home to sleep in. This is enough.
I'm so grateful for my simple life. I've released myself of the need to be the best human living the most efficient, successful, and impressive life ever.
Today, I am nothing more than a human drinking a nice drink on a sunny day and I cannot think of anything else that could make me happier.
| 54 |
Desperate for advice: Constantly context-switching and wanting to do everything thus end up doing nothing
|
Background: I am a 21 y/o male who studies Computer Science . I have been diagnosed with ADHD / depression at an early age. I like to think I am a very ambitious person who enjoys learning and creating but have trouble making and sticking to any sort of plan.
Even worse I have a terrible habit of context switching and lack of focus, especially on my computer. When I try to utilize organization tools I end up overloading myself with several options and end up sticking to none. For example im using a ( IRL notepad, notion,todoist )for To-Do's.
I would like to think these are learned behaviors and with deliberate practice I can make positive changes but am seeking advice.
| 11 |
I understand exercise is good for me, I just can't bring myself to be consistent or enjoy it.
|
In my head, I *understand* how exercise is healthy, how I should be doing it.
I simply don't enjoy doing it, I've tried **so many** different methods and have just defaulted to rowing and treadmills when I do go now.
I spent a year + trying different activities, and been doing the aforementioned two the past 4-5 months.
I've notifed in myself that whenever I had a bad day at work, do overtime, or wake up tired, exercise is the first thing I consider crossing out of my day. I look forward to rest days because it means I can get home earlier.
I'm not motivated by any aesthetic purpose, because I don't really mind how I look. I want to keep my health up for the future, so I can still enjoy the things I like in my older years, but it's tough *convincing* myself to do that sort of thing when I loathe doing it every time. It just never is not a chore.
| 277 |
Intrusive thoughts and feeling shitty about partners past sex history
|
I want to be better. I’m really sensitive when I’m reminded of my partners past history. For example, 2 hookups from his past have hit him up recently trying to meet up and he told me about it afterwards. He wasn’t rude to them, kept it cordial but told them he has a girlfriend and it’s not happening. It really got under my skin and I’ve had this issue with previous partners as well, just being super sensitive and insecure. I really don’t like it about myself and I’m doing my best to work through the feelings on my own - not get mad at my bf cause he didn’t do anything wrong. I also have terrible intrusive thoughts and compulsively want to ask a bunch of questions about their history even though it’s just gonna make me feel worse.
Has anybody dealt with something like this and how to work through it effectively? It makes me feel so shitty and I already want to work on my confidence in general. I don’t know where to start. :( just feeling really bummed about it. Is this just a feeling that will come up and I need to work through it to get past it and move forward until the next situation pops up? I feel like my brain is wired this way and I have to fight the thought pattern really hard.
| 7 |
Letting the pain happen
|
I let my self feel the pain, anger, and disappointment I had turned inward on myself. It hurts, but letting myself feel it allows me to forgive myself for how my late teens and early twenties went.
Depression, anxiety, self harm, binge eating, binge drinking, insomnia, agoraphobia, psychosis, and suicidal ideation all ravaged my life.
I should have been in a hospital, not university.
I need to have the courage to go forward. My life is not what I want and I am afraid to do what I’d needed to make the life I wanted.
I was sick, and I need to love myself enough to say it isn’t your fault and that I love you.
| 42 |
Anyone down to join?
|
Hey guys!
I and my friend are currently working on an app that helps you to build habits. We will use 4 different techniques such as finding your purpose, action planning, accountability and reward which will help change your behaviour. You can choose your individual habit, but we mainly focus on:
\- meditation
\- exercise
\- no alcohol
\- wake up early
\- read
We first want to do MVP testing and it would help a lot if some of you could maybe try it out in the testing stage and give us feedback so we don't waste time building it haha
This is a non-commercial idea and we are not planning to make money from it, we just want to create something cool that people can actually benefit from!
If you are down you can shoot me a message :)
(Lmk what you think or if you have any other ideas that you would like to see)
| 0 |
How does one stop letting their mind stop them from making progress?
|
So im finally deciding that I should be taking action after being out of college since 2021 to improve my knowledge and create projects so I can find a better job in my field. In college i did not do my best. I have a bachelors in Computer Science but I did not do internships, i only did customer service and retail the whole time, i didn't really learn anything in college cause i was cheating my way through and on top of that my GPA wasn't the nicest.
​
I still beat myself up to this day for that in the past. I have a help desk/customer service job right now and I hate it with a passion. Ever since April 2022, i have been complaining how much i hate my job and not actually doing anything to fix it. I would be discouraged from applying for jobs cause I would tell myself "they're not gonna hire you and you are just wasting your time" since i dont really have any experience and no certifications or projects. I would find free courses online and watch maybe 15 minutes or less of them and then my mind tells me that Im wasting my time and there is no point in watching such videos since they don't seem very relevant (although if i stuck with it and got past the intro part im sure it would actually be of substance) Or I would watch many different courses at the same time and its like internally I keep making up excuses like "its a waste of time" or "im a slow learner it will take too long for me to actually understand" or the perfectionist part of me "you have to learn one a time cause if you try more than one it wont stick"
​
But the thing is though ive already wasted a year and a half not doing anything and for some reason its just such a challenge for me to stick to this. Ive heard people say take baby steps sometimes like 15 minutes a day and gradually increase but of course my mind convinces me once again its just a waste of time . Today i did spend a bit of time looking up jobs i could get in the field and specific courses and projects I could do cause another thing is I don't know exactly what I want to do with my degree. I just know what I DON'T wanna do. How does one stop letting that little voice in your head stop you from making progress?
| 10 |
How do you overcome overwhelming emotions?
|
23m
Sometimes I get overwhelming feelings that get in the way of my daily plans. Usually I'm able to let the anger, frustration, hopelessness or whatever I'm feeling subside but does anyone also experience this?
For example, I've been in therapy for many months now (I've been trying therapy for a few years) very consistently and we've made a lot of progress in understanding how toxic my parents were so I haven't had family I see for the last few years. So on certain holidays I will feel ashamed? about not having family to see and would avoid talking to people I know because of that shame and sadness from it, and to avoid being judged and having this used against me (which has happened before). This is very normal reactions to what has happened to me, but people don't care. I am still able to improve my day and do my daily life but if I just lay in bed nobody would honestly care. It's caused by not being able to develop close friendships (for whatever reason) so people don't know me enough to care. I had to seek therapy for myself to get what I needed.
I'm usually able to manage the emotions which keeps me high-functioning: able to do well at work and take care of myself, but how do you try when it feels so real? When I know that people I tried to be friends with in the past didn't want to because I didn't know how to be a friend really. I didn't know how to be vulnerable and seen because they wouldn't understand my anxiety. Even now, I don't even know how much time I want to spend with others because if the friend isn't 'right' then it can just misguide and lead me away from being my better self.
This is just a vent and I have figured out my own day to day plan because I know I've shared so little about myself and online advice is not necessarily helpful.
All in all, I feel like people don't care about my successes or mistakes. I feel like they only care what I share and when I don't share they don't. I mean, I've done so much for the creation of connection between other people because I believe that matters.
| 3 |
I feel behind in every aspect of life, have wasted years of time and idk if I can catch up with others of my age that are way ahead of me.
|
At 23 i feel behind in every aspect and thing there is in life. Work, career, etc are the obvious ones but also in fun things like knowledge and keeping up with pop culture(music, shows, movies, books, fashion), missed out on all the sweet milestones and fun core memories one makes in school and college, the fun stuff everyone else does in their childhood and teenage, i did none of them, and now they're past me, i regret wasting my younger years by neither enjoying those times and making memories nor did I use them for hardwork to acquire life experience. I feel behind in sports skills from my peers, in making relationships/ friendships, in work experience to put on a resume. Realise I have nothing to myself, no positive attributes, cause all my interests are surface level. Spent my best years doing absolute literal **"nothing"** while others were using others were using them for enjoyment, sports, making memories, learning different crafts and hobbies. I don't think I'll ever catch up with a guy that's done all these things in their past that i didn't and he's still grinding on it, without pause(most peers my age are like this). idk how to stop "living under a rock". Feel like I'm too old now and everyone will always have a head start against me in any field there is.
| 12 |
I can’t help but feel discouraged by mean and nasty people
|
I will never understand why some people are so desperate to pick on others in order to feel better about themselves. It’s okay to have low self esteem and to be unhappy (isn’t that just everyone lol), but to take that out on someone who’s done nothing wrong is so immature and stupid. Just because someone is “annoying” or seems “easy to pick on”, it doesn’t act as a reason for anyone to be an ass hole.
I’m so disappointed by people, and it makes it so hard for me to want to be kind to everyone. I just want to meet everyone with love and kindness. How can I be kind to someone who’s acting like such a fool? Even worse is when it’s someone whom I considered a friend. No way in hell can I be friends with someone who actively bullies other people for the sake of their own fragile ego. Miss me with that lame shit! Grow up and then we can be friends.
| 5 |
consistency and taking risks is hard as the hell that we live in.
|
so there are multiple things i wanna do, but the main ones are running/working out, making shit (music, films, shit in the creative area), and saving money. but there’s one thing standing in my way, fear. mainly fear of failure, but there are other types mixed in there. i hate failing, anything that isn’t success i try to avoid. i think it’s why i avoid starting things and quit if i don’t see results after a couple of weeks. i know how to get rid of this fear and learn that things take time, but… i’m afraid of failing to learn how to be patient.
long story short, i need tips on how to be more patient, confident, risk taking, consistent, etc. or jus put enough fear in me to help me make a change, something man.
| 1 |
Deleting of FB & IG, Good Idea or bad timing?
|
Gonna give it 30 days and reevaluate. .. have deactivated both accounts..
The reason I ask is because I’m kinda Going through a lot of self reflection & change both personally and professionally. Things just aren’t feeling right in my life & I’m not one that sits around & cries over it- I’m not happy & it’s only up to me to do something about it.
Recent divorce (2nd marriage - definitely the right decision) .. my kids are both solid & successful in their worlds right now and both of us (first marriage) co-parent damn well and our kids are products of how well we work together with zero animosity but for me- personally & professionally things just aren’t right.
I have had to end friendships along this path. And right now, although I feel a twinge of relief, I’m wondering if deleting those social media platforms is bad timing? Because at the moment, I’m feeling very alone, isolated in a way yet I know that’s what I need in order to enact change. And those social media platforms made me feel even lonelier at times, and more pathetic in my 40s now , then I think I really realized. It’s weird- in a worldwide community of gazillions of people, I felt more alone than I understood I know I could go to those platforms right now and feel more social in these quiet, lonely moments, but I don’t think it’s the right form of connection that I need or is healthy. Thoughts? Anybody better off without those platforms?
| 4 |
How can I [17F] focus more on my studies and stop becoming distracted so easily?
|
I’m not sure if I’m experiencing extreme senioritis but I’m genuinely having such a hard time focusing on my school work. It really hurts because I used to be so dedicated last year - setting timers, skipping out on things to study, studying for hours at a time, and getting straight As all while having some time to be on social media (though I was very lonely at the time).
Now, I can barely focus on my schoolwork for 45 minutes at a time without a random thought steering me off my path. It starts with one thought to “check my emails” and suddenly I’ve wasted 30 minutes scrolling through Twitter with nothing done. My grades have dropped like 4% since last year. How can I fix this?
| 3 |
seeking: accountability partner
|
Hi everyone,
Reaching out to this community to see if anyone would be interested in being my accountability partner. Here's some context:
\- I'm a 20 year old male & currently studying CS & Business @ Ohio State
\- I'm relatively active, lift around 3-5x/ week
\- Getting over a breakup, trying to remain positive / detach myself from the past
\- Struggling with consistency. I have periods where I'm laser focused, but I've noticed certain triggers that cause me to return to old habits (scrolling, isolating, stress eating, avoiding a task at hand). This has been a cycle for the past few years, and I want to get rid of these habits completely / replace them with healthier ones.
Looking for:
\- A partner to check in with preferably 3-4x / week, share updates on weekly goals and things I might be struggling with
\- Someone who is around the same age & is looking to work on themselves and someone to hold them accountable
\- Someone who can call me out / be very honest and at the same time, take criticism
Let me know if anyone is interested! This could also become a discussion for others to find partners, so feel free to comment if you're also looking for something similar. The way I see it, this could be an asset for the community and anyone who gets involved. Looking forward to seeing any responses!
| 2 |
Did I just do a coping skill?
|
I've had severe treatment resistant depression since I was 14. Currently on med trial number 25 or so, because I keep maxing out my phq 9 despite being on 2 antidepressants and an antipsychotic. So I'm trialing something new with my clown makeup on and doing TMS, fighting tooth and nail for remission, but getting nowhere and slowly drowning, one foot out the door.
I have historically reacted very poorly to trying to taper my Remeron, so I feel like shit. My heart is racing in my chest and the thoughts are worse.
Additional background is that I run 3x a week for 30 minutes straight at about 10:30/mi even though I hate it. I get no runners high, it's so painful, I don't ever improve, my pace is awful, and it has no effect on my mood. I've been doing it for 6 years and just kept doing it because people say it will make me feel better.
Anyway the thoughts today were "I am such a failure. I am so ashamed. I want to run and hide. I want to run and hide. But there is nowhere to run to and nowhere to hide. I want help but there is no help coming (because I'm in every treatment and tried every medication). I want to run and hide. I want to run and hide."
Uncharacteristically of me instead of sitting in bed rotting like I usually do when I'm relapsing, I guess my monkey brain connected the dots and bounced the braincell off the corner like a DVD logo and I was blessed with the t h o u g h t "If I want to run and hide so badly, why don't I just go *do* that?"
So I threw on my clothes and shoes and just took off. As fast as I could. Like, faster than normal, as fast as I could. What I was running from was right behind me, and I didn't want to go back to my apartment because that's where the pain is.
And I PB'd at 10:00/mi even (well, my actual PB is like a 9:15 but that was 5 years and 4300 feet ago).
Once I finished I still couldn't bear to go back there and the sunset was fantastic, so I got some pictures of the mountains at my favorite place. I live in a cute little residential district where all the driveways have their own side street behind the houses so that they can be close to the street like God fucking intended, so I found one of the side streets and walked down it for a bit.
I loved it. The nature doesn't hit quite as hard here, but walking down that dirt path, with all the trees and plants and fairy lights I felt like I was back in Asheville or at that camp I used to go to in Brevard back when everything was okay.
I felt a little better for once. Might have to do this more often. Played video games with the boyfriend afterwards.
Just had to tell someone. Usually I'm too sick to do anything but just give in and let the thoughts destroy me. So it's a bit of a dub, I guess.
| 34 |
I’m always alone 💔
|
I been isolated for quite some time. I have no parents and lost all my friends after being isolated. I have breathing / hearing problems, it’s hard to reach out to people because they don’t hear me or seem to care. I need help. I feel so paranoid for no reason, I feel mentally ill, what is wrong with me? 😞 I can’t do this anymore I need a companion. I need family. I have no one. I have no one. I can’t even sleep in peace, my peace is snatched away from me. I need someone to emphasize with me. I need someone. A friend, someone who would listen to me. It’s scary having an illness at just 23. Never in my life I thought I would end up like this. This is scary 🥲 h e l p
| 38 |
Anyone have advanced advice for those who have failed repeatedly with the usual advice?
|
In seeking new ideas, I have learned that most advice and ideas are for young people who mainly need some motivation to get started. I'm 40 and while life always has its temporary setbacks, I have lives most of my life with determination and persistence, but through many years of both trying new things, and sticking to things when they were difficult to make sure that it really wasn't going to work - in the end I am still not successful. I've sought advice many times before and tried it out. None of the rookie ideas have gotten me anywhere.
I got divorced four years ago and despite maximum effort - sincerely, unsustainable effort, I am fairly sure more effort than anyone you've ever met - despite that I have failed to build a new life. When I saw more effort than you'd think, I mean that when the easy stuff didn't work, and the normal stuff didn't work, and the long shots didn't work, I traveled around the world, trying out four countries and over a dozen cities trying to find someone who would like me enough to see where things could go. Dating was never a cakewalk in my 20s, but it wasn't impossible back then. In my late 30s and now 40s though, brick wall. I've tried a lot of things, most recently a consult from a plastic surgeon, the results of which were that I'm not a good candidate for it. They could make me look a little younger, but the tradeoff of the facial scars would be a wash. I'd still look like "me" which hopefully means hideously ugly, cause if I'm not ugly it's something more core to who I am that's intolerable, at least looks are just a roll of the genetic dice.
So if anyone has anything really outside the box you want to suggest...I've heard everything else so go for it.
| 1 |
Lost my spark and want to get it back
|
I used to have this spark in my life, and I just don't have it anymore. I know I am meant to achieve great things in my heart but I am not able to do so. I took extra time to graduate college(not because I failed classes but because I added a second major late) and I believe that I am behind than all my peers who graduated earlier than me. I feel lost because I believe that I fucked up my life by graduating late. I know I'm young but by seeing people graduating, I am extremely lost that due to poor planning, I am going to graduate after my peers. I feel lost and like shit. I had good grades, had my own company but now I am not motivated to do anything at all. I want to work on myself, I want to make my company big, I want to get the spark that I had 2-3 years ago. How can i do this?
| 6 |
Day 28 | Month 1 | Year 0
|
I don’t know why, but I can’t learn anything at all for some reason
Improvement: Planned out daily work for the rest of holidays
Goals for tomorrow: try to do well for Olympiad
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :(
Post written at 11:08pm
| 3 |
I don't feel motivated to do anything on my own, but if I have company, I feel motivated to do everything.
|
I don't feel like engaging in sports like weightlifting or running, but if a friend is interested in doing it with me, I'll join them. I'm not very inclined to read a book, but if my girlfriend or a friend wants to read with me, I'll read and even get excited about the story just so we can discuss it. My problem is that I don't want to rely on others to start living a better life. How can I find motivation to do things on my own?
| 347 |
Destroyed my 1.5k OLED TV
|
Managed to accidentally destroy my OLED TV whilst In a drunken stupor last night. I can't afford a new one as I'm 20k in debt as it is, and it doesn't seem like I will be able to for a long time. I'd bought it prior to developing a substance problem when I was pretty flush with cash, pre-lockdown.
And I'm not nearly as angry as I should be, but rather determined to get my shit together and stop being such a fuckin waste of space liability.
It is pretty shit that it needed to happen but if it is the catalyst to me kicking this addiction and getting healthy again then I guess I can spin it as a positive.
I hate the person I've become.
| 3 |
How do I not be like Otto?
|
I just watched the movie “A Man Called Otto” and I feel like I am starting to become just like him. I’m an introvert and always need my alone time to recharge. But I’m terrified I’ll slowly evolve into a real life Otto if I don’t try and change.
Any advice?
| 2 |
how to deal with depression as someone who cant afford therapy
|
i been depressed since i was a kid like since i was 16 because of trauma and panic attacks, im 23 now i definetly got lil better however i just feel numb and ut even got worse sometime i get suicidal thoughts but rarely , i know i'm depressed but i don't know what to do about it , and therapy is not an option tbh i cant afford it and the last thing my family should know is me depressed its already a chaos at my family , any advice please? what approach would you advice me to heal myself and be mentaly healthy , thanks in advance and sorry if my english is bad .
| 48 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 5 of 180 Self Improvement plan
|
Started my day teaching chemistry. I have also started reading newspaper for better comprehension skill.
Today I registered for my UGC NET Exam. Studied for an hour about mathametical reasoning.
As a copywriter, wrote some copies for Bakra Eid. Then, had a great workout session. EASILY LIFTED 250 pounds for multiple reps (Squats).
Better sleep does help a lot.
Completed module 1 of course 2 out of 7 in Google Digital Marketing certification.
Big Take away: sleep is very crucial to achieve anything that is substantial.
On track on my plan.
| 1 |
Athletic Trainer looking to change careers
|
Hey everyone I have been in the sports med field now since 2013. I have worked many fields to include, high school, college, clinic based as well as military. I loved working military and the chaos of it all. However, it doesn't always have stability since contracts do change frequently (1-5 years) and it can be an unknown area of what changes or what is going to happen with my job/career. I love supporting military assets and just the military side all together. Ten fold more so than any area l've stepped into. I wanted to see though what areas ATs have moved in to career wise or changed careers all together. I have really been thinking of changing careers and trying something else. Something that's more stable and I can provide more for a family. Any ideas or suggestions would be great, and thank you ahead of time for any ideas!
| 2 |
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