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Feeling like a blank slate.
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My wife and I split up for good a couple months ago. We were together for 9 years. During that time, I ceased to exist. It was just easier. In retrospect, i feel so spineless. She always has the last word, she always made the decisions, we always did what she wanted to do. It was just easier. The yelling and belittling were horrible. The silent treatments were worse. It didn't take long for me to learn to just shut down and agree with everything.
It wasn't all bad. When I managed to conform to her ever changing demands, I would find myself in her good graces. And that was an amazing feeling. Her smile made everything bad go away. Her touch took me to another place. I loved her so much. I guess I still do.
Except that somewhere in there, I stopped being me. I became something soft and malleable. I became whoever I needed to be to stay on her good side. I bit my tongue when she got out of hand. I nodded in agreement when she said disagreeable things. Those eggshells were sharp and they cut deep.
Finally, four months ago, I had to walk away. There's a lot more detail than I will share rn, but I realized that I no longer existed. I was just her yes man and I want more out of life.
But I have no idea what I want or who I am. I know I'll never be who I used to be because so much has changed. But right now, I don't feel like I'm anyone. I don't really have my own thoughts, feelings or preferences. No really strong opinions about much of anything. I know I need to firm up in this aspect. But I don't know where to start.
Help me?
| 1 |
Good industries for a people person?
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I’ve worked for an insurance company (not in sales)for almost 10 years, the people are great and pay isn’t terrible. I know I want to do something else but don’t know what (and am too scared to take a leap and lose the comfort/paycheck/flexibility I have now).
I was in the office the other day and helped some coworkers (who hadn’t been there yet) figure out how to use the door and where to find some things. They were very thankful and we had a good laugh. That couple minute interaction brought me more satisfaction than a whole morning of working on spreadsheets, and was a nice sign that I need to get out of dodge to be happy. Looking for recommendations of non-STEM industries that have a bright future and might be good for a people-person like myself.
| 3 |
How do I change my attitude
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Hey everyone, this may be a bit of a long read so please bear with me.
A little background - I am 26F, I am not the most fit person. I have low immunity so I do get sick often(not too serious though), I suffer from anxiety at times although I know how to cope with it and I am little overweight, I am regularly exercising now to work on it.
I recently moved in for sometime with my long term boyfriend and he started having issues around how "lazy" I am. I never made him do any of my work, but he said that I never pitched in the house work or do anything extra for us. It was a huge argument. At that time I was really hurt and angry but I realised my parents also feel that I am not very active. So surely all of them cannot be wrong.
When it comes to business work, I am really so motivated and driven, sometimes I work without any off days, even day and night and my clients are happy so I don't think I am lazy in that. But I started doing more chores in my house so I can work on these issues (we have a full time maid so she does most of the work) but still I started cooking, making my bed, doing my laundry etc.
But my boyfriend again had an argument with me on how I still have an attitude problem with being active. He says it's not like I do too much but even if do, he feels that it shows that I am doing it unhappily, like if I am moving my body it's for the bare minimum and given a chance to not do a chore I won't. He also said that I keep saying how I am sick or have pain or periods cramps etc etc.
I really don't know if he is wrong here because he may be right! I am trying my best but maybe I don't realise if I complain about my health or if it shows that I am not interested to do a chore.
Can someone please tell me how I can improve? I am willing to put in the effort, I don't want to come accross as lazy or irresponsible my entire life but I don't know how to measure my progress or know that I am improving.
With that I will also love a few tips on how I can manage the time better - I wake up around 6 but like to spend around 2 hours reading, meditating, journaling etc, then I go to the gym another 2 hours go in that, breakfast and shower. Post that I start my work, which ends usually very late. I am barely left with some time to watch some series or meet someone, so how do I include more chores in my life.
| 5 |
How can I learn basic housework ??
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Currently, I am a 19 year old guy, I was born in a okay home. my problem is that I don't know basic housework skills (like fixing TV and home machines, basic plumbery, painting the walls...etc; you get what I mean). My father knows how to do these stuff but he was neglecting, he did call me sometimes to help but all what I did was holding the flashlight or his tools, I did watch what he did and I did ask to him to let me try but he would just tell me to stfu and hold the light. Now those years have passed I feel like a useless idiot by not knowing these skills. I asked him where he learned these skills he just replies by "I just did" and then goes back to his sleep. This isn't the only thing where he neglected me but many things, I don't even recall having a deep convo with him unless it's about sports or politics, I bet he doesn't even know how old I am now. But back to my question, how can one learn these skills effectively without going to camp or trade school. and is it too late tho ??
| 35 |
Looking for help on debt consolidation, trying my best to be better!
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\~I hope this does not get taken down, I am seeking help for those that can possibly help me turn my life around\~
Hi there, I'm a 28 year old soon to be doctor from the Philippines who has stupidly, STUPIDLY accumulated debt due to gambling. It's about $5000 or so. I've soon stopped but since I am still unemployed, I was hoping to consolidate it into paying one person/company if anyone can help me. I'll be hopefully working by early November earning around $1200 a month. I'm hoping to see if anyone can be a helping hand so that I can pay this all right now and by early next year, I would have paid you back plus interest. We can discuss everything first beforehand because I want to be as honest as possible to anyone that can reach out.
I can provide receipts to everything that I will be using the money for, all the loans, borrowed money, and everything in between that will be covered by the money so I can be as transparent as possible in order to turn my life around.
Please help me do that, I want to get a chance to clear my mind and mend my mistake so I can be a doctor and help those that are in need. I look forward to paying everything forward with your help.
I hope anyone can lend that hand. God bless.
| 2 |
I need someone to make me go back to normal life
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I am using my phone 5 hours daily. I can't find the motivation to get up and do something. I wake up at 8 am. I need to study but I can't. I don't even have hobbies. I can't find energy to start a skincare routine or go to the gym. All I do is scrolling reels on Instagram.
What should I do?
| 9 |
I can't be productive and motivated, how to change that ?
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(I'm sorry if my english is bad, I'm french)
Hello.
I'm 17F, still in Highschool, I'll go to uni next year.
I wanted to go developing myself when I'll have my apartment, like since I'll be alone and independent It will be easier to do things like work out, eat more healthy, and work more (I want to learn how to play saxophone)
But since my brain is fucked, I don't have any productivity. I deleted TikTok and Instagram for like maybe 6 months, but now I go on YouTube shorts. I tried to have a productivity launcher, but it changes nothing. I can't concentrate myself too.
I spend too much time in reddit and youtube, I don't do what I do because I have many things to do but it feels boring, so I go to youtube and do nothing. I have solfège to do if I want to play saxophone, I have to learn spanish, english and german, I have to read more, study for my last exams... But I just feel like I have nothing to do so I procrastinate on reddit.
Actually, I've never been productive in my entire life, my brain is just used to internet since I'm 8, I just take all my time in it. I started having more social interaction since I have a bf, but it still little. I'll maybe have a job in a restaurant next month but I have low social skill since I never socialized. I don't really know what to do. I feel like it's too much but I really want to improve.
How to do it?
| 3 |
Do I need some sort of anger management/therapy?
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I want to start by saying I have never been physical with my now ex gf, yelled at her or been violent in any way.
Some context, myself and my gf had been together for a little under a year she had stated multiple times that she wished to get married and start a family. I had purchased an engagement ring while out of town doing training for my job and had planned to propose after I got back. The day before I was going to propose we were laying in bed and she was asleep and her phone started getting texts.
While we both had each-others passcodes I don’t like going through it because it makes me feel controlling, the message I saw however seemed overly flirty and curiosity got the better of me and I read some of the conversation where they talked about having slept together. I immediately got up and began to get dressed to leave and cool off, she asked me not to leave and to talk it out.
I then walked into the other room away from her and lost it, I punched a hole in the wall and broke down and began to cry. We were unable to work it out and she ended things a few weeks later as she decided she no longer had feelings for me.
I’m no longer upset about the breakup but what I keep thinking about is what one of her friends kept saying. Her friend stated that me punching the wall showed I was abusive and have anger management issues. She also stated that it was an indicator that I would beat her and our children if we were to have any.
I feel like this is a large leap since I’ve never had violent outbursts or even punched a wall before and do not feel like I get angry very easily. Almost everyone I’ve discussed this with says that her friend is overreacting but I can’t help but wonder if she’s right and I should seek some sort of counseling/therapy?
| 6 |
Finding myself again
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Hello, and I’m not one to put my feelings and emotions out there or let alone my business. I found this post by looking for things online to help cope with the trauma that has happened to me when I was a kid, my mother was having into drugs, and my father wasn’t really in my life. I ended up going to foster care, my foster mother wasn’t really into anything that I was doing. I was homeless and lost a little brother. I’m at a better place in life now, but I have my own apartment. I have a good job and I have many beautiful women who do want to be with me, but they still little thoughts in my mind and within me that makes me believe I’m not good enough That makes me believe that I would never amount to anything even though I have gone through life and proven myself time and time again that I am. I do things by taking my anger out on myself (watching porn and masturbating, not eating healthy foods, etc.), and I’m fighting addictions in not interested in my hobby (which is my music, etc.). What’s the best advice to help me cope? Also, help me better myself so that way I wont Self destruct on acute scale anymore?
| 3 |
Does anybody else:
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Have that moment of clarity, where you instantly filter out all of the clutter, and get a feeling of relaxation, while almost being at peace with yourself and everything, because due to your determination and drive you just know for a fact that you will succeed? Lazer focus, flow state. Awakened. It's almost surreal. One of the best feelings I can't put into words. I can only translate it, but you have to have experienced it in order to understand.
This happens for me after I take vital steps in my life that bring me closer to self-actualization. It's all about the journey.
Song and comment that reminded me of this feeling:
###Check my comment for the link, posts with links aren't allowed apparently.
###Comment:
(Spoilers for Mirror's Edge, videogame)
>!This song plays at the start of the final mission in the game, The Shard. As you start out, you're in a maintenance area near an entrance of the building. This song and the area you start in during this level come together to make art. Every other mission start has you in a much bigger area, high up, overlooking the city. Here you start out surrounded by walls and pipes. Here, Merc has just died. Usually you hear him directing you at the start, but there's no voice over your comm. There's a sense of almost peace, but more like determination. It's determination so strong that it feels like peace, because nothing is stopping Faith from getting her sister back. This song captures that feeling perfectly. I absolutely love it.!<
_-WhiteRaven43, circa 2021_
| 29 |
Any "Self-awareness" Resource(s) that helped you to get better!
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Hi, everyone! This is my first time to post here. I want to be more self-aware of what is going on in my life.
Do you have any resource(s) to recommend to become more self-aware? It can be a book, a YouTube video, a channel, someone who is inspiring.
Can you also explain how did it helped you?
Thank you everyone! :))
PS: I love reading books. A book recommendation is something I lookforward to. I already started reading Atomic Habits. :))
| 1 |
Please help me. I hate my tech career
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I got a degree in computer sci. I studied programming and IT. Math only to calc 2, some linear algebra, discrete math, and basic stats.
Then I got a masters in cybersecurity.
I hate my life and job/career!!!!
I’m re-teaching myself math to get ahead of this AI apocalypse to be a machine learning guy and studying for certs only to feel worse than I did in my miserable college years. I struggled and pushed on in a career I hate hoping to get paid well and hopefully receive the approval of my loved ones.
The practice for certs make me vomit.
Coding makes me cry.
I drink in my off time to num myself.
I binge eat to feel anything.
Porn is my closest relationship.
I’m fat and ugly.
I’m drunk now so PLEASE forgive my post.
I cry before work and pray I don’t wake up every evening before bed.
I was so desperate for the approval and “love” of others I neglected my own happiness and now feel so empty I pray my life ends. I live in the USA so I need a ton of money to change careers and afford health insurance. So, I feel so stuck.
I only work to save money for my sister and her future kids. My life’s purpose is to make money. I hate my life so much I can’t have kids of my own in good conscience.
I just do not know what to do.
EDIT:
Thank you for the support.
This is such a more positive place than r/depression
Thank you
| 143 |
I traumatised my girlfriend and don't know how to help her
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Hello, I've never used Reddit before and I'm using a burner here, but i just really really need help.
We have been in a relationship for two years, its the first relationship for both of us. We both had unsuccessful crushes before, but when we met eachother, both of us fell in love almost immediately. We made eachother the happiest, and especially since we both had pretty rough lives, my girlfriend having lived through a suicide attempt, and us having childhood trauma it was nice having the comfort of love. We were sure we would marry eachother as soon as possible, and spend our lives together.
The big event happened a few months after we started dating, when we were having sex for one of the first times. She told me to stop, but because i didn't freeze instantly i caused her a lot of physical pain. The worst however was, that i wasn't able to take care of her afterwards, and comfort her about what happened. No, my brain went into panic mode, ran away from her, which forced her to take care of me instead. Now, she used to have to do this sort of thing to her fighting parents, so it was a very big deal for her, and very traumatic. This event caused a rift between if for about a month, which we finally got over. The scars of that remained however, and sexual contact was very rare, and she didn't have a lot of pleasure from it.
The next thing that happened though, is probably the worse, and the most disgusting I've felt in my whole life.
A couple of months ago, out of sexual frustration, i started to masturbate while touching her, while she was asleep. She woke up and asked me what that sounds was, to which i said i dont know. I kept going, until she asked that again, after which i stopped.
When she asked if that sounds was me yesterday i refused, just when she asked me some time later, did i finally admit it. This has hurt her even further.
I know I'm a horrible person for doing that, and i won't try to defend myself. The only question is - how do i help her? how do i help her heal from trauma i myself have made her go through? We both want to stay together, in the condition that I fix this, and undo the damage I've done. How do i do that? make her feel happy again?
| 1 |
eating healthier and more frequently!
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I've been having real trouble with buying/eating the right stuff at consistent times, mostly due to mental issues but today I did a big grocery run and realized not only did I almost exclusively buy healthy, real food but I also had so much energy left after I got around to doing some meal prepping for the rest of the week so that even if my energy goes low again I won't have to starve :))
| 7 |
How do i stop needing other people and being clingy with friends/potentials i do meet?
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A little back story, i'm an early 30s man who's parents died very suddenly almost 5 years ago. We were extremely close. Up till then I felt that friends were more for fun, but for real support of any kind, i leaned heavily on my parents despite being financially independent and moved out for some time.
After losing them initially, it was extremely difficult in many ways one would expect: a deep and overwhelming sense of pain, loss and emptiness. After a while, the pain and emptiness decreased, and i'm trying to move on with my life as best as i can. But i'm realizing more and more how much grief has changed me, in ways i never thought possible. Sometimes i look back at who i was before, and i can't recognize that person. Current day me is anxious, sensitive, emotional, and has an uncontrollable need to receive care and love from others. I'm finding almost all my previous friendships to be extremely unfulfilling, and forming new ones that will give me what i want is an extremely tedious, painful and foreign process for me, i feel completely lost. (How does one make genuine, lasting and deep friendships in their 30s?)
For majority of my life, i've been extremely self sufficient, and not needed approval or care of others. I was happy being single, having surface level friendships, and generally taking care of my own needs. But now it's like nothing else matters but finding someone to connect with and care about. Most of the dating and friendship/relationship advice out there says you should be happy with the life you have before finding a partner. But i have no idea how to do that anymore. I've had a few long term hobbies which i'm still very involved with, and i continue to work to try to find new ones and have committed to some, but in the back of my mind i can't shake the mindset that i would much rather ditch all of this and have a gf or a caring friend group to do shit with, even if i don't necessarily enjoy the activity. I don't know how to be happy alone, and everything that used to keep me motivated, engaged and busy does not seem important anymore. I recognize that this way of being puts a lot of pressure on others around you, which may eventually drive them away. Additionally, i feel my happiness is out of my hands as i can't control other people's behaviour. I was in therapy for a bit, and it did help in some ways, but not on this particular issue. I'm hoping someone here has gone through and overcome complex grief, and/or faced similar issues can provide some guidance.
| 25 |
how do i fix this
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i,13f(ik i'm young) has had anxiety(diagnosed at 7) for my entire life. even when i was in pre-k i would have panic attacks. now,i am in 8th grade and graduating. all of middle school especially during online learning was terrible. i had major spikes in anxiety, and it got so bad, my heart condition got worse and my teeth were starting to hurt from the amount of times i would throw up from being anxious. recently,i have started to have more severe anxiety which leaded to breakdowns, panic attacks and more throwing up but more of them now. this has caused me to have close friends talk bad about me and other friends to flat out drop me. i had one friend tell everyone that i was autistic and then a week later tell everyone that i cut myself. now, while i have suffered from self harm, i am 6 months clean. most of my scars have healed and i'm proud of that. but now, i need help on how to fix my anxiety. i can't live with this anymore and there has to be a way to get rid of it. i'm so tired of people being rude to me because of it, im so tired of people talking bad about me because of it, im so tired of being asked out as a joke or followed to tutoring. i just want it to stop. please can someone tell me how to fix it before highschool because i can't go 4years with people doing this to me again. 🫶
| 1 |
Meeting the empath virtually changed my life (Narc POV)
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It might take me a few more years before I truly realize the purpose of my karmic meeting with the empath, but I have already begun to feel the effects of this deep change. So here's the story...I met an empath from Europe over the Internet in the summer of 2020. In the initial stages of our companionship, I was head over heels for her. Our friendship started out of the blue over a comment she had made in response to a social media post which was interpreted as historical revisionism and generated a lot of uproar in her country. At first we chatted a lot about European history. That summer, political protests descended on her country and turned her life as well as the lives of people in her country upside-down.
For me I saw the opportunity to rescue a damsel in distress. She shared with me many stories about the protests, and I offered my support. Slowly and surely, she treated me as a friend and a companion. We had never seen each other and only engaged over messenger. She lived far away in another country, but several times she was open to the idea of meeting up someday. I had always wanted more than a friendship from her. Afraid of stating my feelings explicitly, I turned to love-bombing. About a year later, she caught on to my love-bombing and began distancing herself from me. After two weeks of no response, I harassed her with calls on Instagram to get her attention. While keeping her distance from me, she continued to maintain our Internet friendship. Amidst the love-bombing, I developed anxiety and eventually started devaluing her. In the summer, when she did not message me at all, I started deleting our messages and secretly sent/deleted messages to her on her other social networks. That fall, I confronted her. I took issue with her distancing from me. She set boundaries with me, stating that she had been working at a full time job for 12 hours per day and two other part-time jobs. Unsatisfied, I continued to confront her when I noticed that she replied only once every couple of weeks.
Eventually I set an ultimatum with her because I felt that she didn't even want to talk to me. She was taking weeks to get back to me, and I felt that she was lying about her interest in maintaining the conversation. This time, she stated her personal boundaries explicitly (sometimes my friends and I go months without contacting each other but we don't take offense, you know) and I had no choice but to back off. While wallowing in self-pity, I felt angry that I didn't get what I wanted. I began to monitor her activity on social media and harassing her with likes/unlikes through fake accounts. I became OBSESSED with her. She stuck to her boundaries while pretending to not know anything about what I did.
Around that same time, I began to ask questions on here. People said I was overbearing and had little regard for boundaries. Still, I felt angry. I felt that my dream of a perfect persona had popped. Months later, I sensed that she was onto me when I sent threatening messages from various fake accounts. I posed as one of her followers and spammed/harassed/triangulated her and her friends. Realizing that I was getting exposed, I started spamming her email and her phone with verification calls. I wanted to blow up her phone.
The moment of truth came when I saw a spy app on my phone. I knew then that the empath had likely taken control of my phone. She probably sent various suspicious links to messaging apps on my phone the moment she realized something was very off about me. Perhaps installed a Trojan horse. I clicked on those links by accident and unknowingly allowed her unfiltered access. She worked in IT and actually changed her job to work in this field around the same time that we had these unpleasant confrontations. Nothing would've been impossible for her.
To mirror my dark side, she became a scammer. She likely initiated spam calls and messages to get me to stop stalking her. I went into a state of intense anxiety and cut of all my Internet contacts, all of them women. As someone who had no friends in real life, I felt bitter that I cut off my supply. For months after she secretly went NC with me, I felt angry that she had taken control of my phone. After she had gone NC, I continued to see scam texts, calls, and follow requests on my phone. Some of the spam follow requests that I had gotten on social media were directly linked to healing and trauma. One in particular was an account about learned behavior from parents. Other spam requests were related to my personal hobbies, like the astrology of finding a soulmate. So I spammed her back with verification calls, texts, and emails. A part of me knew that amidst the drama, she secretly wanted to help me. In fact, in one of our exchanges prior to NC, she had written that she wanted to help me mentally.
After some karmic experiences in boundary-setting with my own family members, I finally realized that I was the toxic person in my fake friendship with the empath. When I put myself in the shoes of the empath in dealing with toxic people, I discovered who actually respected me and who didn't. The empath was intuitively right. I had learned toxic behaviors from my own parents and imposed myself on others. I discovered all the manipulative tactics that toxic people used that I wasn't aware of when I used them on the empath. The empath felt emotionally drained when explicitly directing me to her boundaries, but I had no capacity for self-insight. Up until now.
When I finally realized that I behaved like a narcissist, I went into a state of depression. I was shocked that I could behave like one. My recent experiences in setting boundaries with people around me by stopping attempted triangulation within my family has led me to discover aspects of my upbringing that I never thought was possible.
Before meeting the empath, I didn't know how to set boundaries. I also actively violated the boundaries of others on social media. I was very impulsive, naive, and narcissistic. If something didn't go my way, I secretly lashed out on the women who rejected me. I had a particular liking of certain foreign women because at one point I studied their language. I was also pretty good at the language, but I also used this as a Trojan horse to gain affection, love, and supply from foreign ladies. I was likely a covert narc. Now I know what it means to set boundaries. It's about saying yes to ourselves and knowing when to say no to others. Having done a lot of research on narcissistic behaviors, I feel that I am approaching an emotional crossroads in my life. A part of me still has the desire to connect with foreign women and strangers over the Internet like I used to. The other part of me is reminding me that I need to stop walking over people if I don't get my way. But I don't know if I have gotten there yet. One thing I know for sure, I no longer feel anger towards the empath. Had this drama never played out, I probably would've continued to live in a bubble. I still struggle to let go of the empath, but I am slowly letting go of loss. It was all an illusion.
Now, more than ever, I am thinking twice about reverting back to my old facade on the Internet. This was something I never thought about years ago.. Now I am becoming aware that not only do actions beget consequences, but also what goes around comes around. As a result, I am feeling the death of my old self. Can I truly rise above immaturity or am I going to relapse?
If it is true that the empath took control of my phone, she probably did this to hold me accountable and tear through my false image. However, I don't think she meant any harm. In most other cases, with the amount of evidence that she has likely gathered, she could definitely have filed a restraining order on me. Are you able to relate to the actions and psychology of this empath?
| 0 |
Should I move on from a woman I have a crush on?
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Hello everyone,
New guy here in the group in desperate need of advice or help. I'm really confused as to what I should do.
​
I'm a single guy in his late 20s, satisfied in my life in general, however one area I suffer at is my romantic life. I have for most of my life been hung up on one girl that I met on the internet for around half my life now. I had expressed my feelings to her long back and she has said that she would only like to keep being friends and nothing more. We reconnected again a few years ago and she still maintains her view on us being nothing more than friends. We're really good friends but I think that I cannot make my feelings for her go away. I just feel like I am suffering each time I think about her with another guy. I don't think I can be mature enough to just be friends with her, I want to try but I don't know if I can. In the back of my mind I still make up scenarios where I can be with her (if I move closer, if I get to meet her once etc.). Just the fact that I am hung up on a girl on the internet fills me with shame but I can't do anything.
​
What should I do? She would be hurt if I decide to disconnect myself from her and so would I. I feel that I am not feeling interested in anyone because I have been hanging on to hope that I convince her somehow. Any advice or help would be much appreciated.
| 6 |
I'm really such a terrible person and I hate myself
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I'm an asshole, like literally I'm just a terrible person who can only inflict negativity around those around me. I somehow find it so, so hard to say anything nice about the people I know. The worst part is that I'm only 14. My massive ego makes me such a hypocrite and I only know how to blame others for stupid things I do. I hate almost everyone in my class and I hate myself for doing so. For some stupid reason it feels like everyone around me is faking themselves and that deep inside all humans are ugly like me. I can't trust anyone and I really don't know what to do with my worthless life. Sometimes I feel like recording my voice saying everything I want to say to the people in my class that I hate so much, send everything in the class group chat and pretend to kill myself just to cause complete chaos. I hate my father for so many reasons even though he literally provides me a place to stay in and everything that a kid my age could possibly need. I hate myself so much man. I'm here to find help so please, tell me what to do.
| 12 |
Day 24 | Month 1 | Year 0
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My “friend” slammed the table beside me and escaped two times to the counsellor when I tried to wake him up. I feel so burdened by this cause he is one of the most annoying people that I have to sit beside for every lesson. I wish I could keep a habit
Improvement: Taught some classmates, sang.
Goals for tomorrow: Sing two songs and complete singing practice, train body through volleyball practice, finish work
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :(
Post written at 10:40pm
| 3 |
I’m going to begin my journey to stop my every addiction.
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I have porn addiction that developed 2 years ago (during pandemic). And it was really down bad because i don’t know I was wasting so much time with this addiction. So, that addiction i think i’m doing better with it and i have a lot of strategy that can help me get away with this addiction.
The harder thing is my other addiction, It’s some kind of harming fantasy that i have to think about it every night, so i can sleep deeply. I think the reason i got this addiction is because of too less social interaction and also too much negative view on society that made me want to being alone all the time. However i made this post because i want to track my progress and share my story. Also, Any of you guy have the same addiction (the second one) as me ? I want to know how you deal with it. By the way I’m sorry if my english is bad or wrong. I hope you guys have a wonderful day !
| 6 |
Am I a bad person for prefering to be alone?
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Firstly, sorry for my bad English. I'm a 22 year old female who live in a dorm for two people per room at my local university.
Ever since this semester, my friend who is my classmate that lives in another block always come to my room to sleep at here. Sometimes not only to sleep, but also studying or eating together.
Firstly, it's not a really big problem since I also enjoy her company. But lately, it get a bit .... uncomfortable? (Not sure the correct word to choose)
It's not that I hate or dislike her but sometimes, I want some alone time for myself. Ever since before, I had always live or done things by myself. Eating, going to class, studying (unless necessary for group studying) I always do it alone. It's not that I hate having friends. I can still hang out or talk with them. But mostly, I prefer to do things on my own.
So, I just always have this uncomfortable or annoyed feeling whenever i found out she will sleep at my room again. I didn't really felt like this before because she just SOMETIMES come here. But ever since this semester, she always come and sleep here, for a bout 3 to 5 days a week.
Again, I need to clarify that I DON'T HATE HER. I still like her a lot and still chatting and spending time with her at class. It just only I just want my personal time alone. Even worse because my other roommates was actually encouraging her to come here often because they were also good friends with each other.
| 113 |
Please advise how to fix my life
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Hello I am 16M currently in 10th grade, my life is completely shit, I can't and sucks at studies, I don't have any hobbies, I don't have a purpose or any aim, the only thing I do is wake up, breakfast, watch YouTube for 14 hours everyday (literally) for the past whole month, it's not like I haven't tried to fix it, I tried everything, started playing football, tried to be extremely religious, tried to follow the principle of stoicism, as a matter of fact in my 9th grade which I just passed I worked the hardest and studied the hardest in all the classes combined, but still I didn't liked that, I don't know how to study because everything I read or try to learn, I think I got it, but when someone asks about it, I go blank, I watch p**n alot, although I have tried to leave it, I even tried working out but again just left it, and I have done these things for improvement many times in my past multiple years, many many times but in the end nothing comes of it and I return to my bad routine, I absolutely hate my life full of dopamine and stimulation I have tried to change but....
Think like this is your life or just like I am a character in a simulator game,
| 85 |
How to forgive myself for cheating on someone I loved
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We had been dating for around 6 months, we had decided a deadline for the relationship because she was moving abroad.
We decided to date again because her plans were cancelled but recently she found out I had been flirting with someone a month before our original “deadline”.
I know the reason I had cheated -
My parents are alcoholics and I don’t get any emotional support from them, I was used to this lifestyle for 23 years and she was my first girlfriend and when the “scheduled” breakup came close I freaked out because I didn’t want to feel alone again so I thought I could just find someone else. I talked to someone for a week and when they asked me out I declined.
I never had the impulse to do this again during our relationship because I just couldn’t do this to her.
She was going through my phone and read chats with other girls when she found out about this.
I’m having panic attacks since we broke up because of how much I hurt her. Is there a way I can forgive myself for this?
| 3 |
Living with dysfunctional parents
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I decided I would move back home in hopes to support my parents (financially and hopefully emotionally) but that’s taken a turn. Dad has been an alcoholic my whole life and mum hates it but has put up with it to support me and try help dad with his drinking but hasn’t changed. I moved out for a year and a bit to try flatting, I moved back to an even more dysfunctional relationship between them and it’s taking a toll on my mental and physical well-being.
When I was flatting I was on par with my fitness and dieting (something I struggled with) increasing my weight to around 82kg while still being as athletic as I was at 76kg. Also working on upskilling in the data space which I work in. It’s definitely a mindset thing because I can’t mentally/physically keep up with how things are between them and trying to help fix things. I stay quiet with my dad which definitely doesn’t help my case. I’ve lost weight back down to 77kg which isn’t the worst but lots of drive, motivation and I feel testosterone has gone. I’m learning how to stay consistent and mentally strong during this time but it takes a toll which sucks. I hate complaining so something needs to change for me to get back on track
| 1 |
Am I my own worse enemy when it comes to dating?
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I am 31 year old male who is single and have a good job. I don't like my job but it pays the bills and I can support myself. Actually work makes me feel dead inside. When it comes to dating life I feel like I am my own worst enemy. I have too high standards for my own good or the good ones are not interested in me and usually taken. I have dated in the past and hooked up. Been told I am good looking and such, but often times its not the girls I want. The ones I have dated in the past I am usually one foot in and one foot out. Like try not to get too attached so I don't end up getting blindsided or hurt. I think its defense mechanism from getting hurt in the past.
I have this image of girl I want to be with and disregard those who don't fit the bill. Also seeing whats wrong with her and whether I want to invest in long term. I guess having expectations can lead to disappointment. I just end up comparing girls I have been with in the past. There was this one girl I really liked but blew it. She fit the bill what I am looking for but my mindset was more in hook up phase at that time since I was post break up which turned her off. After that I been kind of dead. Its not like I get alot of quality girls who like me often. Those are very rare and I blew that chance.
I am getting older at 31 and everyone I know is with someone so it bothers me a bit. I would like to find my person and have stability in my life. Its quite lonely being single at this age, but I don't want to feel like im settling. I already settled in career, choosing practicality over interest. I don't want to settle for a women too. Then I would feel even more dead inside. Would like to change my mindset. Be happier and not have all these expectations on how my life should look like.
| 13 |
Help me quite porn
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I 19m have a horrible porn addiction earlier in the year I was clean and disciplined against that now idk what happened but I feel horrible like I’ve lost all discipline someone please help
| 1 |
It's my birthday and I wanted to reflect on my life situation.
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Hi guys, it's my birthday! I'm 22 years old today. I'm making this post just to reflect on how I feel and how I was last year, this is mostly to myself really, but if something resonates with you then I would be more than glad to hear it!
Ok, let's see. I'm lonely and depressed, I don't have a good job, I don't have hope/faith in a better future and I'm extremely exhausted.
**Loneliness**
About the loneliness part, I've been dealing for a couple of years with being touched and emotionally starved. I feel like an alien, I have various insecurities about myself. I've learned a lot about relationships, people, and myself this last year. I have insecurities like being short or just not being able to connect with people. But I've learned that at the end of the day, these insecurities are all bullshit. Yes, I've never been desired or loved but if you go outside you can see all kinds of couples, short, tall, handsome, ugly, boring, funny, etc. There are all kinds of people out there that were able to find someone.
Regarding this topic, I would say that I just haven't found my demography, if that makes sense. A group of people that I can vibe with.
**Depression**
About the depressed part, for the last few years, I've been crying every day, sometimes throughout the day and other times at the end before going to sleep. By reading great manga like "Vagabond" or "Real" I've been able to find some peace, and of course venting here on reddit and being able to see all kinds of points of view have helped as well.
I still feel horrible for various reasons, but at least now I know that I'm not going to kill myself like I used to wish before. Life fucking sucks, it kicks you in the balls, then when you are in the floor it smashes your head with a chair, and just when you think it's finished it's going to run over you with a 16 wheels truck.
BUT, BUT, that is just a part of life, it does seem to be a very large one for me, but I've had some good moments, I've started to play with my switch again, and I'm able to discover good music every now and then, it's not much but it's what I have currently.
**Don't have a good job**
About the job part, I work in a call center, I give support via chat not calls, although I'm grateful for that, in order to "compensate" the job makes me handle various chats at the same time. So it can get overwhelming very quickly and very often.
I don't know if you have had work in a call center before, It's awful. I get 15 surveys, 14 are great and 1 is bad. When I get a meeting with my boss he will only focus on that bad one and ignore the other 14. I feel horrible guys, I feel so unappreciated, the job is hard, I like to think that I do a good job but I just don't know anymore.
I'm trying to study web development so I can change to a better job at some point. I only have the time when I get out of the job and on weekends and on top of that I can't use most of it because I need the time in order to rest, so the progress that I make, if any, is very small and slow, so that could be one of the causes of my exhaustion, I don't like this, but I have to keep going so I can get a better job and hopefully change my life for the better.
**I don't have hope/faith and I'm exhausted**
I wanted to bundle these too because I think they are related. I think it's fairly easy to see why and how I feel the way I do. I feel overwhelmed all the time, all of this AI boom thing is making me feel like the few chances that I had of changing my life are slipping away.
One of these days I saw a post about a girl being happy because she was able to kiss the boy she likes at the age of 19. And don't misunderstand me, I'm happy for her, her post was very cute! Everyone was happy in the comment section. However, almost immediately after reading the post I just started crying, I didn't even try to hold the tears, I just did it and since I started crying for that post I decided to cry for everything else.
As a 22 male, I felt so left behind and isolated. The idea of giving or receiving a kiss feels like a dream, I can't even fathom a situation where that could happen. I keep working but the progress that I make makes me feel so discouraged.
Fast food, anime, music, and other small things have helped me have a little bit of fun and avoid burnout. But I lack substance, you know?
On one hand, I can't avoid thinking that I just have to keep going and have faith and patience, believing that things will be alright. But on the other hand, I know that nothing is certain and that from experience things will get worse.
**Have I made progress?**
Yes, I think. I've learned that if I make the conscious effort of not thinking about bad things then I can feel better. Even if there are many objectively bad things with me I don't have to give them more importance than what they deserve.
Even now I think that there are some things I'm not mentioning on this post, but I'm ok with it. It's all about progress, I'm scared of seeing this post next year and see that I haven't changed. But only time will tell I guess. If you read everything then I wanted to thank you! And I want to know if you have some kind of advice for me, regarding any of the topics I talked about.
| 3 |
I feel my brain shrinking every time I stop exercising for extended periods of time
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I need to be more consistent with exercise and keep moving
| 1 |
23F, quitting my job, feeling lost and scared someone please advise
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I’m gonna provide a list of the things that I feel are going wrong/causing stress in my life
• I graduated last year with a computer science degree but I didn’t put much effort towards it. Had to basically cheat or get help on almost all of my assignments. I’m a more artistic person so I minored in creative writing and I was putting more energy into my on-campus job, hosting open mic nights for the department I worked for. I won some awards for poetry and music.
• I currently work as an Administrative Assistant for this behavioral health clinic but the work environment is pretty toxic. Family-run and operated, they bring their drama to the office and the boss I believe wants to fire me anyway. She told me hiring me was a mistake.
• I was in the hospital last week after attempting suicide. Spent a couple days inpatient to get back on my medication. I wanted to die because I feel overwhelmed with everything I failed to do. Everything I could do. Everything I’m not doing.
• I have performed my music a lot this year , went to LA and NYC and many venues in my state. Music has always brought me joy and I want to continue with it to see where I can go. I know I need a job that will support me though. Id rather not starve. My family is really afraid of this path though (and so am I.) my mom doesn’t agree with me chasing a dream.
• I live at home with my parents; both my siblings are out of the house. I feel like a failure because of this and it makes me want to die. Because idk what to do.
This is a jumbled, disorganized mess but I need some help. I’m scared and I want to be better. I want some direction. Please help. How does one find direction?
| 2 |
financial self-discipline
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I (21F) have noticed sometimes I lack financial discipline. I live with my parents right now (though I’m trying to change that) I have more freedom since I don’t pay rent. However, in the last month or so I spent about $250 out of the $615 or so that i earned on personal stuff since I hadn’t spent much money in a while, and I ran a muck. I don’t want to become undisciplined and start mooching off of others so how can I get better at this? Thanks all!
| 2 |
I have a problem controlling my emotions, but I want to change.
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I feel like a terrible person sometimes because I have issues controlling my emotions, and I feel like this issue of mine is leading me down a path I won't like if I don't get it under control. It's begun to affect me in my personal life (angry outbursts, short temper, complaining, being easily stressed over minor inconveniences, etc) and in the workplace (as a teacher who works with SPED students I sometimes lose patience with a few of my students' lack of respect, self-control, and effort).
I'm aware enough to know where my emotional dysregulation ultimately comes from: 1) my poor traumatic upbringing from my father (who abused me as a child, had an awful, violent temper, and was overall an awful individual), and 2) my frustration and anger towards myself for perceived past mistakes and regrets, my perfectionism and high standards, my bad habit of negatively talking to myself/beating myself up, and my overall dissatisfaction with my life and my current living conditions (currently live in a small apartment with family with very little privacy to myself, and I feel responsible for everyone's problems. I'm also not happy in my career because my career journey hasn't gone how I expected, my dreams to become an artist have hit a wall against reality, I'm nowhere near as rich and successful as some of my friends who went down conventional career paths, my mother is very sick and unhappy, I have to pay medical bills and debts, and I constantly worry about events outside of my control, such as climate change, political upheaval, economic turmoil, etc).
I'm 25 and I should know better now how to be an adult, but I occasionally lapse into moments where I regress and act like a little kid, especially when I become disappointed and disillusioned. Overall, I'm just very jaded and bitter with my life, and I feel a lot of anger towards the world/myself, as well as resentment towards my parents for raising me the way they did (mostly my father, who at one point I hated from the bottom of my heart and wished he never irresponsibly had me, just like he had several kids with several other women and left each one for the next).
I was crying in my room just before I wrote this because I truly feel like I'm not a good person, like there is something deeply WRONG with me even though I was raised by a loving mother and except for my father, had a pretty great childhood, and was a top/perfect student who always listened to his instructors, obeyed his parents, worked hard, was kind to everyone, was calm in the face of problems and internalized his emotions, being careful not to outwardly express them, but seemingly snapped after middle school when his parents divorced).
I want to change, to become more Stoic and wise (Marcus Aurelius's Meditations is a fantastic text but I struggle to apply it), but it's so difficult.
My emotions are going to be the end of me if I'm not careful, and they've caused me great anguish before in other aspects of life (for instance I am particularly prone to limerence and infatuation, and people have told me I sound like I have Asperger's, or that I act like an old person even though I'm young). I've been to therapy before which has helped, but I can never quite relax since I'm so used to working and dealing with situations on a chronic basis.
| 3 |
I get really bummed out cutting off so much family. But...
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I don't have a choice. Letting them back into my life means putting up with behavior that I'm trying to put a stop to in myself. Letting them back in means letting in the people who don't believe my traumas because they like the person who hurt me, letting in people who defend police brutality because they were a cop before, who embody the worst parts of the southern US. The lack of change, the lack of progress and growth, the stagnation of abuse and bigotry under the guise of traditional values.
You can't be around them if you're going to 'make waves'. You can't have opinions, or thoughts, or self-expression. I have siblings and cousins who don't get it- they're not like me. They don't have so much to hide, but I can't live a life where I can't be who I am. I have almost died trying. So they keep talking to these people who have done and justify having done heinous things. Who don't believe what other family members have done to me. Who don't have any desire to end the cycle or heal or change for the better.
Generation after generation of the same behaviors end with me. I want to make a positive impact on the world. I miss having family and I miss when I was young and didn't realize how bad it all was. But in order to be who I want to be, I have to keep moving forward and that means leaving certain people behind. People who are stuck in their ways of being harmful people. And it hurts, and I miss them, but I have to do it or I will end up stuck in the same stagnant pit of toxic waste and ruin.
| 11 |
My boyfriend [27m] of 5 yrs. is struggling with cocaine addiction and alcohol abuse I’m [24f] terrified im going to lose him
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We've been on and off since late 2018/early 2019. One was traumatized and going through a lot when I met him (I guess I still am). My dad had committed suicide a year prior, so there's been some trials and tribulations in our relationship. I also got in a near-fatal motor accident in 2021. I was in a coma and on life support for two weeks & spent 45 days in the ICU, where I underwent 13 surgeries and procedures. My expected survival rate was only around 7%, so it's a miracle that I lived. He visited the hospital daily and cared for me while I recovered.
On his birthday later that same year tried coke for the first time and hasn't stopped since. Now it's been two years, and I'm terrified I will lose him to his addictions. I've struggled with addiction myself after my dad's suicide and my accident, so I know exactly how it is—both of my parents are addicts as well. Thankfully I pulled myself out of it, and I've come out on the other side relatively unscathed. That being said, going through it alone was horrible and so much more challenging and so lonely, and I would never wish that for him. He's been there for me when I've needed him most, and I want to do the same for him, but he feels like he has to get sober and get mental health help alone. He tried before, and it's not worked, time and time again. Our connection is so profound, and our love for each other is unconditional. We've hurt each other, yes, but only growth has resulted. We've continually been each other's safe space and can always communicate and talk everything through and reach an understanding. Still, he's in such a poor place mentally he wants to shut everyone out. he can be very manipulative and vindictive, and dishonest while in the throws of his addiction. He sent me a text this morning apologizing for his hurtful words and actions (lying and manipulating) and said he needs help but can't ask or afford it. He sent me a text this morning apologizing for his hurtful words and actions (lying and manipulating) and said he needs help but can't ask or afford it. He says he needs to stop lying to himself and everyone around him and wants to try one last time to get himself sober alone, but I don't want him to go through it alone. Losing him is one of my worst fears. How can I help best support him right now? Need advice:(
| 7 |
I'm done wasting time.
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As the title states. I'm sitting in the park across from my apartment. It's a nice day. I'm feeling a weird mix of emo/angst, introspective, a bit resentful, yet inspired. I'm writing here to look back on it and keep myself accountable.
I've wasted a lot of time. I mean haven't we all? It happens, but I want to make more of my life starting today. I need to be appreciative that I know better about certain things now, and forgive myself for not knowing better before. I've been through a lot of trauma and I spent a lot of time just getting by, just surviving. Now that I've done that, I want to do more.
I'm 26. A lot of people don't really have their shit together until at least 30s, but why not start now? I'm not perfect, but I'm proud of where I am compared to 19, or even 23-year-old me. I don't know if it's because of covid turning the world upside down or just the natural changes of my mid-20s, but the past couple years have been very eye-opening. I moved to my own place. Some of my family relationships have been forever altered. My oldest friendship ended and I got over my longest standing love interest who strung me along for years and gave me nothing but relationship problems without the relationship. These changes are likely for the best, but were still incredibly difficult. I have to also acknowledge my role in these fallouts and keep them in mind for the future. That said...
I'm done being a pushover, a people-pleaser, and letting people treat me like garbage. I'm done constantly seeking validation from people who might have at some point liked me, but never really respected me. I'm done trying so hard to get people to like me before asking myself if I even like *them* or if they even make sense for me. I'm done being quiet when I'm not okay with something. I'm done settling for less than I deserve. I'm done being overlooked. I will fight for myself and others who are shy and hesitant like I once was.
If I do something really amazing and get upset that certain people aren't joining or supporting me, I'm going to go right ahead and do it anyway. If I want something to happen that has never happened before, I will make it happen myself.
I changed roles at work recently. I wasn't happy with the salary offered so I made my case and asked for more. My boss met me halfway(/as high as HR would allow I guess). It's 10% up from where I was. He had no issue with it, in fact he was actually proud of me for advocating for myself. I'm becoming senior enough to be a resource. I will use my knowledge to help people rather than step on them, like some before me have. I'm going to keep kicking ass at work and do more with my free time too. I'm going to travel. I'm going to enjoy the little things while I work towards bigger things.
I will go on a date this summer. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it's not something I do often due to being busy with my own shit, entertaining the wrong people in the past, and having a deep-rooted fear of real relationships that I am now confronting in therapy.
I have worked out diligently for several months and will keep that up, each day 1% better than the last. I will eat better too, not just to look good in a bathing suit but to take care of myself.
I have 3 "addictions" (I don't know for sure if they qualify as that, but at least bad habits that I'd like to eliminate or at least reduce). The last time I participated in these 3 was...
1. May 22nd, 2023 (0 days ago).
2. May 21st, 2023 (1 day ago).
3. May 18th, 2023 (4 days ago).
I hope these numbers will grow and reach 10, 20 days, etc.
That's it for now, wish me luck.
| 243 |
I feel like I’m invisible in some group situations, what am I doing wrong?
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The other people seem to look around at everyone but me. I feel like I lose people interest when I talk too long so I restrict myself to a few words but then people find that rude.
I try to be kind and inoffensive but it doesn’t seem to be paying off.
Any tips?
| 1 |
Cut off a shitty toxic friend who was never there for me and always said he never had time for me. I realized that I deserve far better people! I am worth it!
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Dude was the best friend ever when he was single but he would always get pussy whipped to an insecure obese clingy woman and I wouldn't hear from him for years at a time. He would always tell me he don't have time for me. He did when he wanted something though! When I was at my lowest in addiction, this motherfucker was nowhere to be found. Couldn't even visit me on my birthday. I just ghosted his ass and realized that I'm far better off without him and know that I deserve real friends who value me! His wife is an insecure heffers who isn't doing shit with her life. That's exactly why I don't like big girls, they carry too much baggage.
I'm only going to surround myself with healthy people who are doing something with their lives. My partner will be pretty, fit, educated, and caring. I will not date an obese girl. Im good looking and fit and educated so I want a woman who's worthy of me. Fuck low self-esteem and settling for clingy fat girls like my ex friend did. I'm only allowing friends that value me. I am worth it!
| 0 |
How should I spend the next month recovering from burnout?
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I just left a toxic job and I have the next month off before I start my next one. I was feeling really burnt out towards the end, so I’m using the time to rest and recover.
Turns out I don’t know what that means for me now. I used to smoke weed to relax but I don’t like how it clouds my mind. So far I’ve spent my time reading and working out, and later this week I’m going to start cooking again, something I used to enjoy before my last job zapped me of energy.
What are some other healthy ways to recover from burnout?
| 9 |
Finally forgiving myself
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I want to thank my past self for putting himself in such emotionally tough situations for me to emerge and to become the person I am now—and for that, I am eternally grateful. I am able to accept that I am not the same person in the past as I am now. But I also not do feel shame about it either, and actually fully accepting who I was and who I have become.
It has led me to being able to finally live a life I never thought I could ever live. My past hesitation to approach perceived uncomfortable situations has now evolved to welcoming them with open arms. They are no longer uncomfortable circumstances to avoid, but opportunities for me to explore the world.
I now live in the present moment and have learned to let go of doubting thoughts that pull me away from what is right in front of me. I now look people in the eyes when I talk because I care more about what they have to say than my perfectly-formulated programmed response. Connecting with people is infinitely more valuable than presenting myself in a certain way.
I also do not neglect my own needs that will ultimately assist me in being a better version of myself. This means being able to set down boundaries from those with ill-intent and only allowing those who I deem be worthy of character past my defences.
And as for people I respect, I will respectfully place down boundaries to ensure that the relationship takes a course of mutual consideration from all parties involved.
With the people I invite into my life, I wish to also enrichen their lives along with mine. Beginning to grow these social networks have taught me that having genuinely good people in my life is something that can add so much more mutual value to each of our lives. It's a team effort that strengthens our social fabric, because we are social animals at the end of the day—but I digress.
I am also at peace with the idea of people coming into and out of my life because I am ultimately interested in what I can make of my life. Although they can be sources of positivity in my life, I also believe the validation that comes from myself is the most important one.
The way I present myself is for myself. The way I dress, my grooming habits, my communication style, my interests & hobbies, and my preferences are not for the approval of anyone else but me.
I have come such a long way that my younger self would be so proud and I want to thank him because I am who I am now because of him.
| 9 |
We have persistent scammers preying on this community
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Folks, a reminder that [Rule 3](/r/offmychest/about/rules) focuses this community's scope on providing emotional support only. We do not allow solicitation or material offers.
This means OPs cannot hint at or ask for money, and community members cannot offer money or food. There are local services that can verify and address a person's situation better than any of us can (and many services will not turn people away if they are asking for it). A kind community member offered a scammer a job and that is okay.
This community is read by millions of people, and scammers around the world know this. We have cultivated an empathic community so we know it can be hard to resist offering material help. It takes only one person to make it worth it because it costs nothing to post. That is why the rules are strictly enforced.
There are many signs of a scammer. They will present a financially desperate situation often with a highly emotional component. They are likely to mention payment services. They may have payment services in their Reddit profile and ask people to look at their profile. They will ask people to privately message them. All of these behaviors may be obfuscated with weird spacing and other ways to evade detection. If they evade detection it's up to the community to report it. Do not call out OPs, report only.
Thank you for your cooperation.
| 1,228 |
OffMyChest Statement Regarding API Changes
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OffMyChest is a support community and continuous availability is paramount. OffMyChest will be open and available as usual through the Blackout protest officially beginning on June 12, 2023 for two days, and as long as we are reasonably able to.
Reddit's announced API changes adversely impact moderator ability to moderate, which threatens this community's safety and existence. The changes remove user choice and ability to access Reddit.
A "Blackout" is being organized to encourage Reddit to reconsider and salvage the situation before the July 1, 2023 changes. [Thousands of communities will shut down during that time,](https://mashable.com/article/reddit-steve-huffman-ceo-ama-third-api-backlash) and many are opting to do so indefinitely.
OffMyChest moderators support this direct action in solidarity with thousands of unpaid volunteers, blind and visually impaired people, affected users, researchers, and all stakeholders. We call for a 6-month minimum postponement with a scaled transitory and openly collaborative period before fully instituting the API changes, to ensure stakeholder issues are resolved.
Again, **OffMyChest will remain open to provide support**. If you have questions, please see our FAQ below with additional resources.
---
## Frequently Asked Questions
## What will happen if these changes are implemented on July 1?
[Third party apps are being shut down or will shut down.](https://techcrunch.com/2023/06/09/reddit-ceo-doubles-down-on-attack-on-apollo-developer-in-drama-filled-ama/) With 30 days notice of pricing there is [not enough time for anyone to adjust accordingly](https://reddit.com/r/reddit/comments/145bram/addressing_the_community_about_changes_to_our_api/jnk8m0z/). Many tech companies like Google provide a significant "test drive" time period, with non-charged but real number billing so developers can adjust before getting truly billed. While Reddit is not explicitly prohibiting third party apps, the situation is such none can be viable without an exemption.
Many moderators use a third party app to moderate. The official app is still catching up with desktop tools. If forced to use the official app, they will be completely unable to perform certain duties, and the workflow is slower. Many moderators would quit, and those that stay behind would be forced to be less productive. It makes recruiting moderators much more difficult.
Nearly all moderation tools use the API. Reddit says there will be no impact but we will not know until it happens. It's not clear what new tools will face. If it's not adopted quickly and widely enough, will it be granted access or [ignored](https://reddit.com/r/reddit/comments/145bram/comment/jnk2pp3/?context=3)?
Moderation tools fight spam, scammers, child sexual abusers, and more. If those tools break, users will be directly affected.
Third-party user tools will be impacted. For example, many [user data backup and deletion use the API](https://github.com/j0be/PowerDeleteSuite). Sites that show [statistics](https://subredditstats.com/) will be severely restricted. [Reddit Enhancement Suite doesn't use the API but may still be impacted.](https://www.reddit.com/r/RESAnnouncements/comments/141hyv3/announcement_res_reddits_upcoming_api_changes/)
[Blind and visually impaired users depend on third party apps because the official IOS app is not sufficiently accessible.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Blind/comments/13zr8h2/reddits_recently_announced_api_changes_and_the/) These users also depend on [captions provided by captioners that depend on the API](https://www.reddit.com/r/ToR_Meta/comments/13yhnxa/june_monthly_meta_not_quite_the_rainbow_we_were/).
## Why is this protest action two days and not indefinitely?
This is not the only action Reddit moderators and users can make. This quantifiably shows how many people are stakeholders and are not being considered seriously. This action has created a coalition of people who can quickly reach a consensus on further action.
## I use the official Reddit app. Why should I care?
It is clear that Reddit is not fully considering existing users and moderators as a significant stakeholder. Reddit expects them to be replaced by new users. In the future, when Reddit does something to drive you away, you can't achieve anything if we do nothing now.
## What if someone makes a non-commercial third party app?
It will be inherently second-class. Users will not have access to NSFW content. [The app will have to respect slow rate limits as all users of the app will be aggregated as one.](https://reddit.com/r/reddit/comments/145bram/addressing_the_community_about_changes_to_our_api/jnk7rfg/) If the app becomes popular, it will exceed those rate limits and enter the paid tier. How can a non-commercial app pay for API pricing if it can't accept funding?
## What if a third party app lets users bring their own API (client/secret) key?
1. Users without a Reddit account will not be able to access Reddit at all. They'll need to create an account via some other means.
2. Not all users are technically skilled enough to get one.
3. It will be slow. [The API change encourages OAuth with a rate of 100 requests per minute. Client/secret has a rate of 10 per minute.](https://reddit.com/r/redditdev/comments/13wsiks/api_update_enterprise_level_tier_for_large_scale/)
4. Client/secret gives 100% control of the account to whoever has it. It is major a security issue, while OAuth is considered more secure.
5. [Reddit Developer Terms, 3.1: *Access Info*](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/developer-terms#text-content3) seems to prohibit this: "You may not share your Access Info with any other third party without Reddit’s permission, and you will keep your Access Info secure at all times."
## What about the Reddit Developer Platform?
[It is simply nowhere near ready to be able to replace existing tools. In fact, it's not clear if it could ever replace existing tools.](https://reddit.com/r/reddit/comments/145bram/addressing_the_community_about_changes_to_our_api/jnkaury/)
## What can I, as a user, do?
* Contact Reddit privately and publicly. Tag them on other platforms and talk about how it will affect you and people you care about.
* [Submit a Reddit help request](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/requests/new?) (suggested: "Other Help").
* [@Reddit on Twitter](https://twitter.com/reddit)
* Use hashtag: **#RedditBlackout**
* Support other communities' protest announcements posts. If a community is not participating do not bother them. Protest must be done willingly.
* Learn what you can do in r/Save3rdPartyApps.
* During the Blackout try not to visit Reddit or consume or produce Reddit content and limit your usage to responsible necessity. That matters more than communities shutting down.
## Where can I see the Blackout without going to Reddit?
* https://save3rdpartyapps.com/
* https://www.twitch.tv/reddark_247 (livestream)
## How do I delete my account?
*Deleting your account does not delete your content.* Your posts, comments, votes, etc.. will remain on the platform. When you created your account [you agreed to grant Reddit](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/user-agreement/):
>a worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive, transferable, and sublicensable license to use, copy, modify, adapt, prepare derivative works of, distribute, store, perform, and display Your Content and any name, username, voice, or likeness provided in connection with Your Content in all media formats and channels now known or later developed anywhere in the world. This license includes the right for us to make Your Content available for syndication, broadcast, distribution, or publication by other companies, organizations, or individuals who partner with Reddit. You also agree that we may remove metadata associated with Your Content, and you irrevocably waive any claims and assertions of moral rights or attribution with respect to Your Content.
If you want to delete your content, it is not possible to easily access all your data through the website UI or any browser script or extension. For a truly thorough cleaning, [request your data from Reddit](https://www.reddit.com/settings/data-request) to get all links. Once you have this, you can use [Power Delete Suite](https://github.com/j0be/PowerDeleteSuite) or [Redact app](https://redact.dev/download) to automatically overwrite and delete posts and comments, and follow up with your list for anything they missed.
Then you can delete your account from your account settings. Note it may take up to 90 days for data to be removed from Reddit, and Reddit must keep some data for legal purposes. Additionally, search engines/web crawlers/archivers may have copies. Addressing that is beyond the scope of this post.
| 55 |
i showed a guy i’ve been seeing for a few months a picture of me when i was 35+ pounds heavier and his reaction shocked me
|
i’ve been seeing this guy for two months and it’s been great. he has all of the qualities i’ve been looking for in a person; he’s sweet, funny, polite, great in bed, etc. we go out to eat at least once or twice a week and in the past couple of months i’ve gained a few pounds, maybe 6-10…when we go out we get appetizers, mains, drinks and dessert...and then breakfast out the next day. i was joking with him earlier today about gaining weight but i also said “it’s a good thing i look good at different weights, whether it’s 120, 140 or 170.” he snapped his head towards me and said, “170??! no way you’ve ever been 170.” i pulled up a photo of me from 2019 and he stared in awe. i could see sparkles in his eyes. he begged me to show him more photos of me at that weight and asked if i had any nude ones (LOL.)
his reaction shocked me because i so often feel like i have to force myself to be small, and for what? it’s okay to not be teeny-tiny. it made me feel safe and appreciated🥹
| 1,976 |
I pretend to have protein shakes in my protein shaker at work.
|
A while back I brought in a small bottle of chocolate milk to work and some of the office folk turned it into the office meme for a while "oh big guy wants his choccy milk".
So now if i'm ever craving the chocolatey goodness of the greatest beverage known to man I'll drink it from a protein shaker so people simply think I'm getting gains, when I'm really indulging the inner Augustus Gloop in me by sipping away at my desk.
Just wanted to tell someone, it's kind of my dirty little secret at work
| 1,240 |
I got drugged and my best friend blocked me everywhere and refuses to take contact
|
This may not seem like a big thing to you, but to me it is and it hurt.
Bit backstory: Few nights ago, i was out with my friends and decided to go chill in one of our friend's home, well we got there and i had my drink, left it on the table as i went to go hit the bathroom.
well when i got back and continued to drink, all my friends were laughing weirdly and didn't tell me they had put ectasy in my drink.
I have never used any drugs in my life so this "tab" hit me super hard and dont remember much of the night other than few snapchat memorys and few blurry moments, nothing else. I had sent messages and videos to my bestfriend and probably pissed her off?
Well woke up next morning to notice my best friend had blocked me everywhere and i have no idea what i have said. Its hurts, cant even sleep my nights without seeing her in my dream..
Edit; Thanks for the advise strangers, i have made a police report and questioned my friends about this,
no one confesses it. I have a drug test in a few hours and then questioning.
| 2,204 |
My bf faked the apologies from his friends
|
Three of his friends teamed up and pulled a prank on me on behalf of my bf’s ex (who they are really good friends with). It was my bf’s birthday and they decided to throw a birthday dinner for him and INSISTED that THEY pay for it at an expensive restaurant, there was about 20 people there and a private room and the steakhouse has 4 $$$$ on Google so you know it was freaking expensive. After the dinner, we planned to go karaoke nearby. I told my bf and his friends to go ahead and I’ll meet them there because I had to go to the bathroom and my best friend needed me to call her at that time. I came out of the bathroom, everyone was gone and turns out his 3 friends told the restaurant that I would be paying for it. I was left with a $2100 bill that I paid for. I debated talking to my bf about it but finally did, I told him I expected apologies from his friends and a week later he sent them over to me.
I just found out that they never wrote or sent those apologies but it was from my bf. It was also him who transferred me the $2100 for his own birthday. He told me that they had transferred it to him and he was transferring it to me.
Also my bf and his ex broke up 2.5 years ago and we’ve been together for over 1.5y years
Just really mad rn and I feel betrayed and hurt.
Edit: I’m 23, my bf’s 27, and his friends are between 26-28 - also, I paid with my credit card I don’t have that type of cash lol
| 2,215 |
One of my (21F) girl friend (21F) has been hooking up with an engaged man and she’s proud of it
|
Hi everyone, I need to vent for a second and I’m open to hear anything you want to say.
I was hanging out with my friend group today and one of my the girls, let’s call her A, told us today that she has been hooking up with an older guy (probably around 35 yo) who works at a shop in her home town. It all started two months ago, they met at the gym, he was flirting and she was reciprocating, then he asked her to come over at his work place to hang out and they had sex there and have been doing it every since then every Monday (because that’s when he is alone at the shop).
Here is the problem: he is ENGAGED, has been living with his fiancé (called B) for 3 years, they have a house together and they are planning of have kids right after the marriage.
When A told the story, I immediately asked her if she has known that he is engaged since the beginning of their “relationship” and if she was going to tell B that her man is cheating on her.
Her response?
A said she knew all along, that they talk and laugh about it and she’s totally cool with it.
I am disgusted and horrified.
All I can think about is the poor B who knows nothing and sleeps peacefully right next to her soon to be husband.
I also feel guilty knowing all these information; my initial thought was to send and anonymous message to B to inform her…but what proof do I have? Nothing. Plus o don’t know her, I don’t know the man and I don’t want to lose my friend group because of this.
I know if I told B, rumors would spread around quickly and A might find herself in awkward situations and blame me for it and it might break the group and I might lose some or all my friends.
Maybe I should just not get involved and hope that B finds out on her own.
Any input you might have is very appreciated
| 743 |
I got my stalker to name their kid the wrong name.
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So I have had a stalker for about a decade. We met through mutual friends but after a few months of knowing each other, red flags and alarm bells went off and I cut ties with her.
She however, did not and thus started nearly a decade of the weirdest stalking ever.
She would and still does, copy everything possible she can from me, from dying her hair, buying the same clothes as me, claiming to work in the same company as me, copy pasting my instagram posts, twitter status, stealing my holiday photos and photoshopping me out of them to look like they were hers, showing up to places she knows I would be ect. It's been really bizzare but as she hasn't don't anything physical, I was unable to get the law involved.
In 2020, my husband and I got pregnant but unfortunately suffered a miscarriage. Before we lost our baby we had put up a announcement on Facebook saying we were going to have a baby. I'm pretty good with graphic design so I designed it myself. I was heart broken after the miscarriage so took it down a week after the loss.
Fast forward to last September, when my stalker announced her pregnancy. Where, you guessed it, she used my custom announcement with just the names changed. It was wild, and more than a few people noticed how weird it was that she had kept on to the announcement for nearly 3 years just in case should she ever have a chance to use it.
It was then, I decided to play a little game.
She knew I was very close to my grandfather that passed away. If we had had our baby and it was a boy, I has intended to name him after my grandfather. I never stated the name publicly, but saw this as an opportunity to mess with her.
I posted about how I wished I could have called my baby "jack" after my grandfather and how much the name meant to me. My grandfather's name is most certainly not jack.
So, as predicted, guess what name she decided to name her baby boy? That's right. JACK.
she is so far unaware that jack was a completely random name and not even close to my grandfather's name that I care about. I plan on dropping the ball that it's the wrong name in a few years when It'll be impossible for her to change it.
Anyway, it's just made me laugh so hard that she would go that far and in turn named a whole other human being a random name just out of spite. Thought reddit would enjoy the bizzareness of it all.
------ Edit as people keep asking. -------
Yes, my social media is private. However, she has used fake profiles in the past pretending to be coworkers, friends, relatives ect. It has been a hard task keeping up and find them all and it's frankly exhausting so I just don't anymore. I have a public twitter due to my work so while I keep it as non personal as possible, I have to keep it public. I am in a creative field and use it as my portfolio.
The Facebook Post was set to friends of friends as I don't have a lot of my husbands family on there and he wished to share it with them. Its the only way I have figured that she found the post.
She has scrolled through friends socials to find anything she can about me (such as my holiday photos from a friends trip), and has stalked me in real life, such as following my mother around our town, turning up to my place of work, hanging out around my local store and following me around while I do groceries. If blocking and privating everything would have stopped her, it would have ended years ago but unfortunately, it has not been the case. I really wish it was that easy.
| 4,698 |
My sister’s reaction to losing her friend while on anesthesia completely broke me
|
My (21M) sister (17F) lost her best friend two months ago when she committed suicide and she has been a complete wreck since she found out. They had been inseparable since they were 3 years old and she feels like she lost a piece of her soul. I was sad as well. I have known her my entire life and we shared a couple of common interests but my sister was inconsolable. I knew her friend has been dealing with some mental health problems but her suicide was completely out of the blue. My sister was in her room and our parents sat down next to her on her bed and told her the news. She was so distraught that she had to go to the hospital and be sedated. I still remember the scream she let out when she realized what happened. We went to the funeral and it was the saddest event I have ever been a part of. Everyone in attendance was in shock and I am pretty sure there was not one dry eye in the church after her mother gave the eulogy. I don’t know how she was able to go up to the podium and speak but it was one of the most powerful images I ever witnessed. I rarely cry but I could barely contain my emotions.
My sister has completely shut down and it hurts to see her suffer so much. She cries almost every day and I can’t remember the last time I saw her smile. She lost her appetite and her loud personality has been increasingly dormant. She started seeing a therapist a couple of weeks ago and I think talking to someone who knows how to guide people through grief is doing positive things for her. My parents and I have consoled her the best we can but we each have our own experiences with her friend so we don’t have the best idea of how she is feeling so we are glad she is beginning to sort through her feelings she feels comfortable talking to.
She has two wisdom teeth that had been giving her trouble for a while so yesterday I took her to her appointment to get her wisdom teeth removed. I did not have work or classes and my parents were busy so I took her alone and I was completely unprepared for how she would react to the anesthesia. After the procedure she started asking where her best friend was and I guess she forgot that she was no longer with us and started bawling. She started calling her name and how much she missed her and wished she could see her one more time. She started asking me where she was and I struggled with telling her that she is no longer here. She had the same face when our parents first told her about her friend’s death and it took everything in me to keep my composure. I did my best to get her to relax and she calmed down enough to make it to the car but while we were driving home she started crying again and started talking about how she saw her best friend’s friendship with ME. She began mumbling how we were very similar and that her friend enjoyed having me in her life and then she said “(friends name) always thought of you as her big brother. You always treated her with kindness and I love you so much for that”. I don’t know why but the tears started POURING down my face. Her father played minor league baseball and made it as far as Double A so she grew up around the sport and I am a huge baseball fan so we bonded over talking about the game. We also had a couple musical artists we both liked so we would discuss the musician’s albums and would talk about whatever new music they released. I pulled into a parking lot since I couldn’t see the road and I could not stop crying. I have tried my best to be there for my sister and made my best attempt to be her rock during this time but I could not keep in my emotions any longer. I miss her too and I do feel like I lost a sibling. We cried together for probably 45 minutes until I composed myself enough to drive home. We probably looked like a total mess when we walked through the front door so I passed my sister off to my parents and went to my room and took the longest nap of my life. I was exhausted.
When I woke up it was 11pm and my sister was on the couch watching a movie. I sat down next to her and she started apologizing for her behavior earlier that day but I stopped her and said I needed to cry it out and I appreciated the memories she has of her friend and I. We sat there in silence watching the movie but I can not stop thinking about what my sister said. I do miss her friend and I have been putting off coming to terms with her death. She was a very nice person and everyone she knew enjoyed being around her. I know she wanted to become a teacher or go into nursing and I know she would have succeeded at either profession. I miss her a lot right now. She was at our house almost every day for over a decade and all of us in the house feel like a piece is missing from our lives.
| 254 |
My ex committed Suicide this morning
|
Edit: Thank you so much to everyone for your kind words. It breaks my heart to know how many of you have had relatable experiences to my own. I’m looking into therapy asap and am grateful to have so many genuinely helpful messages to look back at while I do my best to move forward. This has meant the world to me and I appreciate everyone who took the time to help.
I just found out a couple hours ago.
I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to cope with this. We broke up two months ago. We cared for each other very much and had been together for two and half years. In that time in spite of loving each other very much we had issues that did not resolve even with countless discussions.
He called me last night to get closure and we talked for a few hours. He was trying to understand why I left and why I wasn’t ready or willing to try again. I did my best to explain that while I would always love him, I could not be with him.
He said that his main purpose in life right now was me, and to get to a point in where I’d be willing to get back together. I said that it wasn’t healthy to look at me that way, I told him that he should be motivated to improve his life for himself.
I also made it clear that his chance to work things out had been when we were together and I when I was trying, not after I had already been burnt out and left.
I told him to please respect my boundaries and to stop trying to convince me to change my mind.
He said a a tearful goodbye.
An hour later, at 2:30am he shot himself.
I am in absolute shock. I am horrified and sad and I don’t know what to do.
I feel so sick to my stomach and I keep going from emptiness, to crying, to anger that he would do this, and I feel completely useless.
If there is anyone who knows how to cope with this sort of situation, or has any advice, I would be very grateful because I am feeling so lost in this moment.
| 4,772 |
I've been drug free for 18 months, and smoke free for 6 months
|
I was a high functioning Coke head for about 15 years (or I thought I was functioning) I used it as a numbing mechanism rather than feel my feelings.
I hit rock bottom a couple of years ago, and pulled myself out of it with the help of a few friends (a lost some good friends at rock bottom) and an amazing therapist. I had my last line January last year.
I managed to quit Coke cold turkey, and started weaning myself off from cigarettes to vapes last year. I had my last cigarette in December last year. I only vape now.
I'm currently 6 weeks alcohol free, but that was due to weight loss surgery. I don't miss is at all
I feel so much better about myself, and I'm so proud of what I've done. I can't tell my family, so I tell random interest strangers instead
| 324 |
My ex gf took her life
|
Up front if like to apologise for my poor grammar and punctuation.
My ex gf killed herself and her family are blaming me. I got a call from my ex gf last night from a number I didn’t recognise, I answered the phone and I heard her voice and I asked what she wanted. She told me she was going to kill herself and I told her not to but I really didn’t know what to say, I spent about an hour trying to talk her out of it and then (from the same number) she sent me videos of her self harming, I genuinely didn’t know what to say so I once again tried to talk her out of it and she said “You’re the reason my life is awful, if you didn’t break up with me I’d be alive tomorrow morning” (I broke up with her because she cheated on me with one of my close friends who I’ve since cut ties with) I explained to her that I would’ve stayed with her if she didn’t cheat on me and then she started crying and sending me photos of her crying I really didn’t know what to do so I told her that I didn’t want to date her because I knew she’d cheat on me again. I fell asleep shortly after that (accidentally) I was already tired after having gotten up at 5am that day and it at the time being roughly 3am and when I woke up I had about 50 missed calls and 100 texts from her family members saying that I’m an awful person because I broke my exes heart again I explained the situation to them and they didn’t believe me so I sent them screenshots of her messages they believed me but they still hate me, I’m not annoyed that they hate me but I’m annoyed that my ex gf expected me to take her back after I found out she cheated on me for the last year and a half of our 2 year relationship. I feel sorry for her family but I genuinely didn’t want to put myself through emotional torment just to make her happy in my opinion I couldn’t have stopped her from killing herself but I keep getting insulted by her friends and family who still won’t believe me no matter what I say to them.
| 692 |
Stop. Bringing. Your. Kids. To. Breweries.
|
It's not a restaurant. Yes, we notice. No, they're not quiet. No, they're not behaving. No it's not ok. Ffs please, stop.
Tonight I was on the patio of a brewery and a woman pulls up in a double stroller with BABIES, TWINS, like under 6 months-- the potato kind... BOTH SHRIEK CRYING
why why why
| 40 |
i ran away middle of interview
|
basically what the title said.
i got approached two days ago by HR of this elearning platform company and im a self taught developer looking for a job. the job position was IT and mind you i haven’t really taught myself in IT and cloud base and what not. i had an interview on teams with 9 other people who have been in the field for a really long time with credited diplomas and degrees and i felt so out of place that 10 minutes left from my interview i pretended the internet cut off and kicked me out of the meeting im so upset with myself i broke down because i’ve been wanting a job in tech for so long i feel like a failure.
the interviewers were all so nice and calm with me except for one that kept pushing me and asking question after question and treating me like im stupid like literally every answer id give she’d make a sneaky comment and then proceed to the next, the rest of the people there were telling me its okay and i’ll get training and i’ll learn but she kept going and going with hard questions i ended up freaking out and running away and had a mental breakdown.
i felt bad for the rest of the people who were interviewing me and immediately wrote down an email saying i got disconnected. i didnt want to disrespect anyone at all i just felt overwhelmed and way too anxious. (which makes sense because my internet connection was cutting me off during the interview)
TLDR; i had an online interview and the interviewer asked too many questions and made shady comments so i freaked out and left
| 527 |
I used to pay my middle school bully not to bully me. 10 years later I find out he actually needed the money.
|
He made my life a living hell. He would turn all the boys in class against me and bully me about my nose. He wrote despicable words on my locker calling me names. It slowly progressed to physical bullying where he used to subtly pull my hair or pinch me pretending to be playful. I used to dread going to school because of this guy.
So I devised a strategy. One time he begged me to buy him pizza and said he promises not to bully me all week if I do. So I bought him a box of pizza and he kept his promise. I loved the idea. I began to do it on a regular basis. So every Friday I used to ask him what he liked and I'd bring him. It was mostly pizza. Sometimes he would request for money. I would oblige. It went on until we graduated.
Fast forward last week, about 10 years later I pop into a grocery store to buy supplies. I hear my name being called. I turn around and I instantly recognize him. I was first filled with dread, but the warm embrace he gave me put me at ease. We talked for a while and he opened up a bit. It turns out that he used to take the food I used to buy him home. Apparently, they didn't have much living with his single mum and they used to look forward to Friday because of the pizza. He is now running a non-profit and doing well for himself. I actually felt sorry for him and I am glad that he didn't grow up to be an a-hole.
| 11 |
Me (m30) and my girlfriend (f26) we are having arguments about blocking someone on Instagram.
|
My girlfriend blocked someone 2years ago on Instagram for flirting and wanted to see her in mini skirt.
She right away blocked him and told me don’t worry about him.
I noticed she unblocked him and follow each on Instagram last week.
Ask her about him she say they don’t text each other and he didn’t do anything wrong.
She not going to block him,
She keep telling me I’m being a kid.
TLDR: girlfriend unblock someone who is flirt and don’t want to block him
| 136 |
[TRIGGER WARNING] As a teenager, I used to sleep with grown men.
|
(Male, gay, 22yr old currently) So yes, basically as a teenager I used to sleep with grown men. It all started when I was 14, closeted in a conservative family, a 37 year old man followed me on instagram and started to talk to me. Me being very naive and clueless I engaged in conversations with him. He started with showering me with compliments and saying I was cute and how it was ok for me to be gay, which just made break down all my walls and trust him. Eventually with all the compliments and love bombing I developed feelings for him, and we got into a "relationship". One day he asked to meet him, at his place, me being naive agreed to meet him after school. I went to his place, and he gave me food, and we played games, but eventually he took me to his room, and you can pretty much guess what went down. I´m fully aware I was groomed by him, but I kinda feel complicit and somewhat ashamed of myself because I enjoyed it all the way (for many years after that I felt proud of myself of losing my v-card to such a daddy).
After that we continued to see each for like 3 to 4 months, until one day he stoped texting me all together, I was heartbroken and me being a mess of a teenager I even went to his house to confront him, but he wasn´t there, His car was nowhere to be seen and the house looked empty. Eventually by word of mouth (we lived near to each other for refrence) I found out that he had moved to another country because he was sleeping with an other minor and the kid´s family found out.
Shortly after he left I stumbled upon the movie Lolita, and it just reinforced all my messed up feelings for older men. So by the age of 15 I was in Grindr talking to grown men, at the time I was 5´9" and basically looked like a twink so I put on my porfile I was 18. Eventually some guys would clock my age, some told me to get off the app, other´s straight up reported my account (rightfully so), but a very few guys were into it. So from ages 15 to 17 I was sleeping with older men, one guy (39yr old) was a creep straight up wanting to dominate and control me, another guy (40yr old something I don´t remeber) bought me gifts like art crafts (I like to draw), clothes, and candy.
​
By the age of 17 almost 18, I got into a relationship with a guy my age and I just moved on from that. It took me many years to realize how messed up I was a teenager. I was straight up looking foward to sleep with pedophiles and I was into it. I´m incredibly ashamed, because I was looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places, I allowed myself to be messed up by depraved adults. But a part of me feels a little content, because all of the encounters I had were not unconfortable and I enjoyed them and in some sort of disturbed way, relieved that none of those guys harmed me or kidnapped me.
​
| 58 |
My ex girlfriend raped me
|
I am a 23 year old man and I was raped 4 years ago by my ex girlfriend. I have only just recently come to realize this after my close friend helped me understand what was done to me.
To begin with, our relationship was promising. We met in highschool, became close friends and then fell in love. It was all very rocky at first as we both struggled with mental illnesses that developed from an early age. I had been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, PTSD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) at the age of 15, to which at first, I rejected due to internalized ableism, bullying and past trauma. I am now happy and comfortable with being autistic though, and I am learning to unmask and ask for accommodations when and where I need them.
Gradually, my relationship with my ex became a very toxic relationship but also a very lustful one. I wasn't really interested in expressing my sexual interests until I met her, and that was in large part, due to past trauma due to other times I had been sexually harassed or assaulted in my childhood and teenage years. She used sex as a coping mechanism though and it was often an area of conflict for us as I felt that our relationship was becoming too lustful. I once expressed concern to her about this and asked her if she loved me for my body or for me. She called me crazy when I told her that, and she said that she loved both my body and me, but I still felt like she prioritised sex over every other aspect of our relationship.
We remained together for 2 years and throughout that time, there were many ups and downs but eventually, I got my first part-time job and we moved into a unit together. I worked during the day to pay for our shared living expenses and to pay the rent. I was almost always exhausted and burnout from masking my autistic traits at work, and so I would come home being withdrawn. I tended to feel like I was on the verge of a meltdown or a shutdown, and I wasn't coping well so I became emotionally and affectionately distant from time to time when I was recovering. This greatly affected our relationship and it's really when I should have gone to therapy or taken a break from our relationship. It was also around the time that she raped me.
One night, while I was asleep, I woke up suddenly to her being sexually aggressive towards me, pinning me down to have sex with me. The panic and confusion set in so quickly that I didn't know how to react. I NEVER gave her permission to do that, there was never any consent. I was paralyzed beneath the weight of my own fear, especially because it was being done by someone I thought loved me. I remember lying there afterward, feeling frozen. I didn't know what to say. The next day I brought it up with her and she told me "what? what do you mean? I don't remember that, I never did that, I was asleep just like you." and she claimed that if she did do that, that it must have been some form of sleepwalking. She tried taking advantage of me though, two other times afterwards while I was asleep, and those other two times I reacted and pushed her off me.
For years, I held onto this belief that it might have been something like sexsomnia out of denial and fear, but I recently realized that she had never sleepwalked in the 2 years that we had been together so it doesn't add up. My brain and mind blocked it out too, and I never made sense of this until a friend recently helped me understand what had been done to me.
After this all happened, I became even more distant and so my ex wanted an open relationship. I was never comfortable with this but she would constantly hound me about it, bringing it up and dropping it time and time again. Until she told me that she was feeling lonely and suicidal because she was home by herself while I was working and that I wasn't as intimate with her anymore. I was terrified of her taking her own life (as she had attempted before), and I just wanted her to be happy.
I asked her "how can I support you right now?" to which she said "let me be in an open relationship". I eventually gave in but this didn't go well at all. We had established some basic ground rules so she could stay safe and we could communicate when she was going out with other people, but she would turn off her phone and ignore me while hooking up with random strangers and would disappear in the middle of the night to go have sex with them.
It led to a lot of arguments and eventually, she told me that I had a week to leave the unit and she broke up with me. Soon after that she went on a holiday overseas with her mum. I will never forget the last words I thought she would ever say to me. It was during a thunderstorm and she was leaving the house with her mum. I locked myself in the upstairs bathroom as I didn't want to talk to her, and I heard her scream "goodbye forever you motherf*cking r-word". And as she slammed the front door, a huge thunder clap went off, the whole house shook and it felt like my heart broke into a million pieces. To this day, that hurts so much and it seems unreal, like something out of a really bad movie.
Two days after, to my shock, she came back from overseas all by herself, leaving her mum behind, just to beg me to forgive her and to take her back. I told her that I wasn't going to, that I needed space and time, and that I was moving back to my home country to be with family. We eventually had a long distance relationship, for a few months, but it didn't work out because she would guilt trip me about me leaving all the time even though I was actively working on getting her over to move in with me as she wanted to be with me.
In all honesty though, I am deeply relieved that we broke up. I have realized a lot in retrospect about how controlling and manipulative she was and I haven't spoken to her since and I would never speak to her again, especially after realizing the full extent of what she did. My friend helped me understand that what she did, was rape.
She raped me and she abused me. Men are harmed by sexual violence too, and I understand that I am no less of a man because of the way I was treated. But it has left me feeling sick, traumatized, depressed, angry and suicidal and I am deeply heartbroken, worse so than before. I feel lost and I don't know how I should feel.
| 24 |
I think my boyfriend (31M) is cheating on me (31F)
|
We live together and he left his computer on and open, which is in our bedroom. I work from home, he does not. I was walking to my office area when I noticed a pop up on his computer, from Facebook messenger. A woman had sent a GIF of toast rubbing butter on its would be chest and he sent a GIF back of an anime character with a nose bleed. She then made a comment about how that GIF she sent was spicier than what HE sent her via text. He laughed and agreed.
I might be overreacting, but my head is spinning right now. I have to give a presentation at work in 15 mins and this is all I can focus on. How do I even ask that question? I have no idea how to proceed or how to even find out for sure.
| 86 |
I love my husband
|
TW: childhood sexual abuse
Today was hard. I’ve been in therapy for the past several months, trying to make peace with trauma from my past. I worked through something especially tough today, and after my EMDR session I was absolutely drained.
I took a “nap” that ended up lasting ten hours. I slept through dinner time and felt so guilty. I woke up and came out of our room to apologize, and what I walked into made me feel so warm inside.
I saw my sweet husband, joyfully playing video games at his PC. I could see that he’d ordered pizza for dinner. Our dog ran up to greet me, and after some puppy kisses I walked up to my love and kissed him on the top of his head. He pulled me into a hug and told me that he’d ordered my favorite snacks and they were waiting for me in the kitchen.
I never thought that life could be this good for me. For the longest time, I wanted to die. I was so certain that I neither deserved nor would ever be capable of finding true love. I met him on Reddit of all places, and he loved me in spite of everything that made me feel so dirty and unworthy. He’s the first and only person I’ve ever enjoyed sex with, as well as so many other things that I never thought would be possible for me.
I love the life that we’ve built together. I always swore I’d never get married or have children before I met him. Now, there is nothing that brings me more purpose and joy than being his wife. When we’re ready, I know he’d make a wonderful father. I pray that I will be able to give him children one day, but even if that’s not in the cards for us, he has reassured me that I’m enough. We have everything we need.
He is love and joy personified, and I am the luckiest woman in the world.
| 11 |
My friend is a huge flake
|
Background ive known ;this woman for over 20 years. I took her child in for a few years when she was going through a rough time. I always help her financially when she's struggling. We are both in our 40s now.
I'm having a party at my house this weekend and expecting around 60 people. She's a bartender and when I host a party or event, I ask her if she wants to work it. I pay well and she also usally gets tips. I asked her a few months ago if she was interested in working this event and she never got back to me. I hired someone else. I invited her to attend just as a guest.
Yesterday she contacted me and said she thought she could not attend. I said the usual "oh ill miss you!" I mentioned setting up the area for the bar. She then said "oh you hired a bartender then?" I said yes, that I had not heard from her so I figured she'd rather just be a guest. She then acted a bit put out...mind you, she doesn't think she can come at all, and I would have to scramble to get someone else at very short notice. Was I supposed to beg her? Im disappointed that she's not even thinking she can come. I've gone out of my way for her over the years and she knew about this party. I have been discussing it.
I'm just tired of the flaking.
| 356 |
I'm cutting off people and enforcing hard boundaries
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I'm personally tired of being a floormat for people. I've began enforcing hard boundaries and cutting off anyone who doesn't respect it
For instance, a friend from highschool asked me to come gym with him. He was super annoying in Year 8 and as a result...used to get bullied. Me and him were on good terms but even I found him annoying back then. He's a bit better now, but still a bit obnoxious. Whenever we talk, the conversation is dominated by him and his experiences; no one gets to say anything else. When we were putting our bags at the gym, I put my jacket in the locker and took my bag with me (I carry it around so I can use my belt, wraps etc. for bench, deadlifts, squats etc). He got pissed that I wasn't putting my bag in the locker and gave me a death stare. Like wtf?? This is MY BAG, not yours??? It's not like it'll interfere with our workouts??? He also increased the speed at high speed on a treadmill and didn't stop it when I yelled at him to stop coz I couldn't keep up and didn't know how to stop it. I ended up cussing him and he stopped. It could've been a serious accident waiting to happen. Definitely never want to go near him with a 10 foot pole
Another friend (who isn't as bad as the one above) keeps insisting I come to events or meetings. Only hits me up when he needs something; if I ever ask him something, he just ignores my messages. Just today, we had uni presentations. I was super tired because I had a long commute; he tried pushing me to come to a meeting with a student society but I stayed firm and said no
This one time, I was buying food to share with some people during Ramadan at a supermarket. A person (let's name him John) tagged along with me for shopping. Keep in mind I'M the one buying. Not John. John began insisting I buy Oreos, Coke instead of chocolate milk and other brands of food instead of the current snacks I was buying (I was on a budget). It would've been fine if it were just suggestions; but this guy was ADAMANT about me buying all that stuff. The irony? He wasn't even going to be there to enjoy the snacks...and it sure as hell wasn't his money he was spending
There's also a person from India (I'm Pakistani) who keeps sending me anti-Muslim and Kashmir propaganda. Each to his own opinion, but I'm fucking tired of having to talk on behalf of a country neither me or him live in. Every time I get into a taxi with an Indian driver, I have to tell them I'm Arab instead of Pakistani otherwise a whole one-sided discussion will ensue over politics. I'm fucking sick of it. I've stopped responding to this guys' messages. He wasn't even born in India. I was born in Pakistan but I've lived outside of it majority of the life. I do love Pakistan as my home country but I don't care about the socio-political issues that divides the country and people. I don't have the time or energy to debate over this third-world country shit about Kashmir and whatnot (apologies if this sounds racist, but it really is third-world bullshit)
I used to be a floormat, just appeasing people. I don't know what's switched in me, but I don't give a fuck anymore. Life is too short to keep up with people like this. I feel a bit bad that these are relatively small things to cut people off, but at the same time, I want my peace. I only want to be surrounded by people who respect me as a human being with autonomy; and if they can't figure this shit out, too bad. Idgaf
| 4 |
Cheaters who complain about how they ruined their own life are pathetic
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You choose to cheat. You claimed you had the perfect life with this person but you decided that you didn't love them enough to be faithful. And then YOU want to play the victim???? Unbelievable. Grow up and get over it because no one has sympathy for you.
| 4 |
Sleeping with my husband after 5 years on opposite schedules.
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My husband has been on graveyard shift for the last 5 years. He hasn't been active in a lot of family/social/romantic commitments because he sleeps during the day. We haven't had a very active sex life and rarely get time together. In 5 years he has hasnt joined in trips vacations or family gatherings.
We have a happy marriage and great kids and understanding family and friends. Things haven't been ideal but they aren't bad and we have a content home. But now he's gotten a promotion and become a day walker. Holy shit.
I forgot how enchanted I am with him. How excited I get seeing him just being his happy self and interacting with our friends and family. I forgot how incredibly green his eyes are in the sunshine. And I forgot what crazy chemistry we have when we are in bed at the same time. Seriously it feels likke switching to color from black and white.
I have never doubted he is my soul mate and we have had a good life together. But holy fuck this is next level. I have the biggest crush on my daytime husband and I hope my graveyard shift husband never comes back.
| 8 |
I was never interested in you. Not sure why he thought that.
|
So this local guy who lives in my old house friended me on Facebook. I figured “why not?” As we obviously both have the house in common. Long story short his kid was hit by a drunk driver and then he kind of took on this 15 min of fame thing where he was in the limelight due to his kid. So while he’s riding out the coattails, he’s also very much getting lots of attention from women.
Somewhere along that he mixed his signals and thought I too was interested in him. I am not. I was interested in making new friends (only) but I never once spoke about my personal life or anything other than generic pleasantries.
Well come to find out, cheated on his wife and she booted him out and he lives in an apartment near me. He saw me walking my dog and didn’t realize how heavy I was so then he proceeded to go on Facebook and blast me about how my Facebook photo should look like how I look in real life. He didn’t necessarily say me but it absolutely was about me (he quoted our convo word for word”. He’s almost 50.
I’m sitting here like “so picking on me and my weight makes you feel better?”
Dude doesn’t even realize I’m sitting here dying of a shite disease and he’s all picking on my weight. Why stop there?! My hair is thinning now and I’m going bald, want to blast that too? Want to pick on me because my dog is dying too? What’s next? Want to pick on me for some other thing I have zero control over?
He’s a shite person with a shite personality. People can be dicks at any age. Not sure why he thinks he’s all high and mighty because he is absolutely not. Also he’s involved with an ex friend of mine. She is a notorious cheater. She broke up with her longtime partner so she could cheat and be with him. I’m not sure why but they are perfect for each other because they both make shite decisions.
People suck. Enjoy your herpes dude.
| 3 |
I am so tired of feeling lonely
|
Hello everyone. This is my first time posting anything on reddit. Also, English isn’t my first language so I am sorry for any typos.
I (20f) never had any friends. In high school I got bullied pretty bad which made me question my life a lot. Questions like “why does no one wants to be my friend?” And “Am I that bad that people just don’t want to be seen with me?”. After my graduation I went to college. I choose a college far far FAR away from my home town to fled my bullies. To this day (4 years after they bullied me) they still try to get to me whenever they see me.
I was so energetic for college. I thought I could make my life turn around and start making friends. Unfortunately, the complete opposite happened. People avoided me, because they had their own friend groups. They only talked to me when we had a group project, which was like once a month. I started to become depressed again and had to quit college because I just couldn’t anymore. I quit 2 years ago now.
To this day, I have no friends. I have a nice family, but the emptiness doesn’t go away. I just want to have some friends, go on fun vacations, make fun memories and maybe someday get a nice boyfriend.
| 4 |
I'm getting kinda sick of my friend
|
I have a friend, let's call her S. I've only met S recently, about the start of last school year, and we've been getting along pretty well. We like the same music, books, movies, we talk about so much stuff.
A few months ago she opened up to me about her mental health problems, and I comforted her about it. But, ever since that time, whenever S and I talk, she almost always talks exclusively about how sad/lonely she is. At first, I sympathized and was always there to lend an ear, because I've been sad before and I get it. Lately though, it's been a lot worse because she's stressing about college which starts next month.
S and I are moving to the same city, while the rest of our friends are moving to a different one. She keeps telling me how anxious she is and how lonely she'll be (although in the same city, we're going to different schools). I try my best to cheer her up and talk her through it, but honestly, it's kinda getting me a bit down too. I love her and I want to support her, but I just don't know how to deal with that constantly, and I feel like a terrible friend for even feeling this way about her. I'm not sure what to do.
| 3 |
My friend is getting worse and I feel powerless
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I'm 18, my friend is 17. We have been internet friends for a few years, but we have visited each other in person a few times too, since we live in the same country, though a little far away.
Her family freaking sucks. She has been having psychotic episodes, depressive states and suicidal thoughts for... I don't even know how long. Definitely before I knew her. I know she was in a psych ward at 13, that they restrained her with belts and she cried for her mother a lot.
Her brother died of cancer when she was 3. Parents split up, her father apparently beat her too. Mother keeps freaking off and coming back, so her caregivers are her grandparents - grandmother is obviously abusive. Also hits her, gaslights her, tries to control her to a very creepy degree.
They don't let her get help. For months I've been a witness to her pleading to get taken to a psych ward again, so that she doesn't attempt suicide again. They tell her she's overreacting. Mother is terrifies of grandma, who says that friend is just a lazy very mean word and lying, and listens to her in everything. She's started having hallucinations again. Her meds suck. Her therapist said she won't meet with her anymore, after she suggested a psych ward and friend's family outright refused to take her there. I don't tend to pry into her business so I don't know the entire story, but what I do know scares me. She's said a few times already that with each day she's closer to another suicide attempt. I've visited her a few times, and even just in 2-3 days I could see that her grandmother is freaking nuts, even if she tried to keep up appearances in front of me since I was her guest. Whenever my friend suggests something that could help with her recovery, she gets shut down and belittled by her grandma and mother both. When she texted her mother that she's scared of the hallucinations, she got a :/ emoji in reply. And then her mother started talking about some festival and asked if she wanted to come over (they don't even live in the same city, who the hell let this woman have children?).
I keep thinking, just one more year and she'll be legal, she'll be able to at least get herself to that ward, but God what if she doesn't last until then?
I was suicidal myself and I remember how overwhelmed I was and how the walls just seemed to be closing down on me. How it felt like I was alone against the world, even when my parents tried to support me; how the hell does she feel when her family doesn't even seem to care? I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and she won't be there. And for another day, and another, and another and then I'll learn from someone that she's dead.
I feel powerless. I try not to get invested but it's so hard when I care about her a lot. Whenever I ask if there's anything I can do, she says no and the worst thing is she's right. I can't do anything that would be a big change for the better for her. I can only watch as she gets worse and worse and worse with each day, feel scared when she doesn't seem like herself because she's barely holding onto her stability at this point and wait for when it all inevitably blows up.
I'm so scared that she'll die, simply because nobody took her hand when she desperately reached out. I try not to think about it.
| 3 |
I quit caffeine a week ago and I feel like I'm going insane.
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I quit caffeine a week ago. Since then I've had headaches, super tired, really depressed and atm my anxiety is through the roof. Constantly paranoid over everything. Does this sound normal? Or am I going insane?
| 4 |
My stepdad just said "fuck you" to me
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recently i have been becoming more tense around my step dad. mainly because of my choice to stay at my dads more, making him angry because it makes my mom sad. I feel bad for my mom but i dont care at all about him. earlier i was talking with a few buddies in my room and i was being fairly loud. So he came down and told me to shut up. So i quieted down barely even talking loud. However he came down and yelled at me for being loud. I tried telling him in a nice way that i wasnt even trying too so he got mad stormed off and said "fuck you". I dont know how to feel. I kind of think i should live with my dad. however i would feel bad and sad about living without my mom but i dont give a shit about my "stepdad". Should i tell my mom about this? Advice?
| 5 |
I have no friends
|
It’s so embarrassing to be in my 20s and have only 1 solid friendship. Luckily, I’m closer in age to my siblings and they are like friends to me but other than that I don’t have any. I feel like when I start dating again and have to tell them I only have 1 solid friendship it’s a red flag. Or meeting new people to be friends with and they will think it’s weird I only have 1 other friend. I didn’t go to college at a university so that didn’t help but I also used to have a couple and it’s like I set boundaries with people bc they weren’t nice and now I’m lonely and have no one while I see my peers while a whole squad of people. This stuff keeps me up at night. Im not even in a relationship but I think about what if I wanted to get married one day and I have no one to even be a bridesmaid. Ugh
| 5 |
Since my son was born, I don’t have anymore suicidal thoughts.
|
I struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life. Suicidal/intrusive thoughts about suicide were part of my everyday life. I always used to think dying would be much easier than dealing with life. My wife makes me happy but she wasn’t enough to stop these feelings and I never really shared this part of me with her because I don’t think she would understand.
But since my baby boy was born, I want to live for him. Every time he smiles it melts my heart. When he grabs my fingers with his slobbery hands I just know I have to be part of his life. I love him so much and I want to protect him, love him, I want him to grow up with a dad that loves him and will be with him every step of the way.
He potentially saved my life.
| 17 |
I (30M) am completely lost on how to become intimate
|
1. I’m not sure if this is the right place to ask for some advice, but here’s some backstory. I’ve been SA'd by my older brother when I was age 9 to 13. My parents used to beat me pretty heavily during that time, and I was scared of telling them the truth about their eldest so I just never said anything thinking they would never believe me. I’ve tried burying this trauma all my life, never opened up to anyone about it but it seems now that its become too much. Since then I’ve been very closed off emotionally, but this hasn’t stopped me from living somewhat of a normal life. I have friends (all males, I’ll get to that later), a great career, good diet and workout regimen to keep me fit, and rewarding hobbies. I’m proud of who I’ve become despite all this, but here comes the main issue.
I am terrified of being intimate/sexual with women. So much so that I’ve self sabotaged all my chances with girls that were attracted to me/made a move during high school and college. I was never able to even develop friendships with women, I’ve always felt broken, inadequate, and emasculated. During my early 20’s I saw myself as less of a man because of what happened to me, leading to bouts of depression, alcoholism, and overall lethargy throughout the years that I should’ve used to enjoy myself and meet new people.
In recent years I’ve taken the time to take better care of myself, but although I feel more confident talking to women, how do I start? I have this fear that if I try to build a relationship with someone, all they will see is this 30 year old guy that’s never even kissed a girl before, with zero relationship experience. I feel unlovable, especially since girls my age now are generally looking for a long term partner. Do I just try my luck at casual dating for now until I get more experience? Will I always be behind every other guy in the dating scene? I try to get out of my head but this feeling of inaptitude creeps its way back often.
I feel completely lost. I’ve spent all my life alone, building this wall around me to protect myself just for it to become my own little prison. Sometimes I feel like I deserve to be alone, it’s what I’ve always known and how it always will be for people like me. At this point I feel no anger towards my abuser, no jealousy towards my friends that are now in relationships, and I want no pity for what happened to me. I just feel like I’m not part of the world around me.
Anyways, if you read all that thank you. It already feels like a weight off my chest just writing about it for once. If you have any tips or similar experiences please share.
| 15 |
i feel sorry for young Americans
|
i’m not American, i’m from Qatar but i’m studying in the US and currently living with an American family.
their youngest kid he is now at that point in his life where he is looking at colleges and weighing his options and one of the options he is considering is the college i’m at rn. this kid already has a job and a shit ton of money his parents has saved over the years for his education. all of that hard work his parents put in and the hours he worked at that job just to go to the same school as me? a guy who got a full scholarship paid for by his government just cause i got somewhat above than average grades in high school.
it really made me think about how much stress he’ll have to go through and how little the US is doing for its citizens considering their wealth. how come Qatar and other gulf countries can fund all these programs and benefits (free education, free healthcare, 0 income tax…) for their citizens but the United States the richest country in the world can’t?
| 1,338 |
Nightmares months after break up
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My ex broke up with me in October and I think it was for the best. We were together for 3 years. I'm physically disabled so when I'm in a relationship I need different things than able bodied people. I was a good girlfriend though and did a lot of emotional labor. I'm typing this because I think non disabled people sometimes think disabled people don't do much in relationships... Anyway I'm in college working here and there and working out really working on myself. I'm having really bad nightmares about my ex and I fighting and his family being mad at me ( they were extremely close with him and often mad at me ) and I'm not sure how to the nightmares to go away. I am interested in a guy but I'm so worried all my realtionships will fail is this normal? When does it get better? How can I remain optimistic?
( Working on myself means talk therapy and medication as well as studying shadow work and how to be a good wife/ partner in the future).
| 2 |
A Pornhub comment made me tear up last night
|
So, last night, my wife and I watched this porn video together online. It’s of a couple having very loving and intimate sex. We touched each other. It led to some really deep, emotionally connected sex between us. She fell asleep, and I grabbed my phone to close out the video, and I just happened to see the comment section when it minimized:
“I haven't enjoyed myself so much since my only true love passed away 23years ago. She made love to me just like that. Thanks for the beautiful experience of watching you two and for helping me relive some very intimate memories. Enjoy each other forever.”
I couldn’t help it. I legit teared up, y’all. Enjoy the fuck out of that special love if you’re lucky enough to have it.
| 3,545 |
I love hugging my pillow at night
|
It brings me such a warm feeling in my stomach, I legitimately don’t feel alone, it makes me happy.
| 3 |
i’m soo sexually frustrated & my boyfriend has low libido
|
~i apologize in advance if some of this is too explicit~
me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year and a half now, long story short he has low libido due to stress levels(little sleep)/low T. he’s been going to gym more consistently but as far as a libido increase from doing so, no luck.
my default with libido levels in relationships is usually high, there was a point early on in our relationship sex absolutely repulsed me—pretty sure due to my mental health at the time as well as repressed trauma. now i’m back to where i usually am, we’ve talked about it before (the lack of physical intimacy) and it’s not the biggest issue at least nothing i encounter on a daily basis. but there are definitely times where i get really really in the mood and want to have sex but i kinda just sit with the feeling. i don’t really initiate it or anything at least not anymore, only because i want to be the one who is seduced(?) i guess in past relationships i was rarely ever the one who initiates first or it would be 50/50. i’m used to consistent passionate and random exciting “i need you right now” type sex, and i’ll be honest i fucking miss it holy fuck. i even catch myself fantasizing about it more recently now, not my ex’s or anything just that bomb passionate exciting sex, that tingly feeling it gives you when you think about it or have flashbacks days after. it drives me a little crazy sometimes because i feel as if i don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and from holding everything in for so long it starts really taking over my mind. and don’t get me wrong i understand his stress and the low T, the last thing i want is for him to feel pressured which is why i’ve been keeping this all to myself.
my vibrator can only do so much and i know there are good thrusting toys out there now but it’s like… not the same you know? i know it shouldn’t bum me out but it does, i don’t know why??? it’s just sex!!
| 3 |
Did myself dirty
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I woke up from a random text. For the first time in a while I decided to look at my ex’s Instagram. He was tagged in a photo, of his holding a heart up with another girl. He has a new girlfriend. Why id do this to myself, I do not know. I’m sitting here bawling my eyes out.
We’ve been broken up for many months and on some particular days it gets to me, but for the most part I’ve moved on and accepted it. This has seeped into my skin, burned me to my core. The proof of the affection I worked so hard for but hardly received. But someone else can saunter in and get it all.
Why didn’t I deserve that love?
What is wrong with me?
I just want to be held.
| 241 |
i accidentally uploaded something i didnt want seen on my snapchat story
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i felt really good about myself, i felt pretty, so i took some pictures i guess. then when i was gonna download them i mustve accidentally clicked story. 27 people, including my best friend, my absent dad AND my mom, saw it. i just wanna disappear
| 2 |
I Think I Miscarried
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If I’m being honest, I’m not sure how to start this. 19F here and back in March I was in a relationship with a significantly older man. He was a 33 year old police officer I worked with, and was the first man I had ever been intimate with. We were only involved for a few months with each other, and it eventually grew physically and sexually abusive.
About a week before our breakup, I had began to feel really off. I was nauseous, emotional, constantly having migraines, etc etc. To preface, I have Endometriosis… but my symptoms aren’t typically in alignment with those.
The night we broke up, he had shoved me into the corner of his kitchen counter. I don’t know if that contributed to what happened, or if that’s unassociated, but I feel I should mention it.
About a week later I was at work when I started to feel really intense cramping and general pain. I asked one of my coworkers to cover for me while I ran to the bathroom. When I went to use the restroom I had bled through my pants and the scene was horrific. I’ve never felt or experienced anything like that with my typical endometriosis.
The biggest reason I’ve been in denial is due to the fact that I never was able to confirm pregnancy with a test. I’ve only been open to two individuals about this (one being my now current boyfriend) and he’s expressed his strong opinion on how he does not think it was a pregnancy to begin with.
Whether it is or isn’t, I’ve been struggling with grasping some sort of reality. If I did miscarry, I’m struggling with the longing to let my ex know. Is it possible this was a miscarriage? Or am I letting my anxiety get to me?
| 3 |
I can never tell my partner that the reason I deep cleaned our disgusting bathroom was because I was seriously considering ending my life, and wanted them to find me in a clean environment.
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TW: suicidal thoughts
Throwaway account because obviously.
***
We’ve been on really rocky and uncertain ground for a little over a month. Easily the worst it’s ever been in our 11 years together. We’ve had really bad moments before, but they’re usually only a day or two, and they are few and far between.
Right now, we are in a place where I don’t know that we’re going to be OK and move forward together, and it has made me insanely depressed, anxious, and feeling lost. Especially since we have not really had a chance to fully communicate, and try to figure out what we actually want or need, and what to do.
Last night, my partner stayed at a friends house, which I knew was going to happen well in advance. However, as soon as I was off work, and knew that they were going to be off work and headed over to that friend’s place, I just found myself reeling.
I found myself pacing around our home with my thoughts going 1000 miles an hour with no cohesion. I was nauseous and felt like dry heaving, and was shaking with anxiety and dread.
Honestly, I didn’t want to die, but not feeling any of this, and not existing in the world anymore, just sounded like the best possible outcome in the moment. I didn’t have any kind of real plan or method in mind, or anything like that. But I found myself standing in our bathroom, which has been a mess for sometime (equally, because of a partial remodel, and us both dealing with laziness as part of our depression). And I heard the voice in my head calling for existence to end say “this is the place”.
And with that voice, I knew that if I was going to do anything, I didn’t want anyone to find me like that in the middle of an absolute disaster area. So I got to scrubbing.
And thankfully, while I was scrubbing, and focusing on each little individual task, and watching the whole come together, I was able to focus and channel my thoughts. Each bit of dirt or dust, or grime that got washed, or wiped away, was another moment where I could clearly think and organize my thoughts and feelings . The feeling of overwhelming anxiety and dread swirled down the drain with the soap as I finished cleaning up.
Once I was done, I felt still really sort of down and sad, but that voice was completely gone. So instead, I got a quick shower, put on clean clothes, and went and bought Legos. I came home, turned on a familiar TV show, and just built Legos. And before I knew it, I felt a lot better, and it was time for bed, and I was genuinely happy that I survived the evening and was still on this earth.
I fully plan on discussing moments like this with a therapist, should I ever find one that’s available (because good God is it hard), but for now I think I’m OK, and I can honestly say this was really the only time in my life that I ever got that close. And now because of that, I also feel like I know how I wanna approach the conversation and try to resolve the issues we’re having.
Partner came home from work, and was absolutely ecstatic that the bathroom was so spotless, because it was bothering them as well, and now they have a place to relax and unwind also. We still have our problems, and we still need to figure a lot of hard things out. But as far as they’re concerned, I just cleaned the bathroom because it needed done.
They are never going to know otherwise.
TL;DR: OP has suicidal thoughts, start cleaning to prepare for the end, uses cleaning to clear head, and ends night with Lego set and still very much alive, ready to tackle relationship problems.
| 32 |
Don’t ever give everything to anyone all at once.
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They will gladly take it and be on their way to the next stop. And it is exactly in the moment that you give it all up that you become meaningless to them.
It’s all a scam. Protect your sanity and prioritise yourself over freely giving.
| 10 |
I dont want to hang out with my coke addict friend.
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Im 21F and shes 19F. She was kinda like a little sister to me. We both met when we were in rough places in life and enabled eachothers bad behavior (non-drug related, just bad decisions). I started to work on myself, see a therapist, entered a healthy relationship, and focus on my goals. Thing is, she hasn't changed and is now also a cocaine addict.
She's coming to my city to visit and asked if we could hang out. Thing is... I don't know if I want to. I rather not hang out with someone who's comfortable with cheating and is always desperate to have attention from men and has a coke problem. Like I know people fall into rough places but I've become to type to kinda just leave to be honest. It's just not aligned with who I am and who I wanna be, because I believe the people I hang out with is like a representation of who I am. Idk what to do because I know she'll feel hurt if I don't see her.
| 2 |
30 years old, lost my job, haven’t had an actual gf in 7 years, pretty sure the girl I like wants my friend instead of me
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Trying to remain strong, but I got laid off in an industry where everyone else also lost their job, so we are all competing for the same role. If what I think is going to happen occurs, in about 4 months I’ll have to move back in with my parents at 30 years old. They are amazing and incredibly supportive, but it’s so humiliating. They are also getting older and are in their golden years so I just want them to be happy, rather than having their depressed son moping around. I want to be my own person, which means being independent. They are also so quick to lend help, but it never makes me feel good about myself because I want to be a independent functional adult.
Even worse is that I feel incredibly alone. Despite being relatively good looking (so I’ve been told) and putting myself out there, doing activities that I genuinely enjoy, I have no gf. It just seems like nothing is going my way at the moment and tbh I haven’t felt fulfilled in my work/love life at the same time, probably since college/grad school. There’s this girl in my friend group, who when I initially met her I thought we hit it off, but as time went on started to realize she didn’t like me and actually may like my other friend. She’s absolutely gorgeous and an amazing charmer, but I’ve gotten a very clear message she doesn’t like me like I like her (huge crush.)
I tend to get in a dark place, and yes I receive mental health help but it doesn’t really fix anything. At the end of the day I’m still in the situation that I’m in and despite working hard idk if anything I do is going to remedy my despair. Just posting this here because it hurts. There’s other things too, I didn’t leave off with the best relationship with some of my colleagues so I feel guilty/no closure, some of my work friends who I see act really distant or treat my like I’m completely invisible. Just wanted to get this off my chest.
| 3 |
Being sexually assaulted made me feel attractive
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(As a warning, i do not condoe sexual assault in anyway. This is just the way i personally feel and felt, although i know its wrong.)
yeah, i hate myself for it but its true.
When i was 13, i was sexually assaulted by my uncle and it made me feel attractive.
I hated him, and i still do, but in a weird way it made me feel good.
Being told i was undesirable,ugly and worthless i grew up having pretty low self esteem. I was bullied for being ugly, and when i confided in others they didn't try to deny the fact that i was. And i know its wrong and extremely disgusting, but part of me wanted to be sa'd just to feel wanted.
When it happend, i was surprised. Disgusted, scared and all of that. But a really stupid fucking part of me felt proud of being sa'ed. Like as if it were a good thing, some kind of badge i could wear that proved my "worth" or some shit.
Its disgusting and i know its wrong, and i know other people that are considered "ugly" are sa'ed and not believed due to their appearance.
Its sad, but i felt and to some extent still feel that way to this day.
I still hate my uncle a fucking lot though, my sister and cousin were also sa'ed by him and it makes me feel even more disgusting for feeling this way.
I had alot of nightmares of him doing worse to me, but i also fantasized about it a little before shutting these thoughts down cause i know its wrong.
And i dont know what to do, or how to stop feeling this way. I dont want to think like this, or be like this.
Thats all.
| 2 |
My family's dog is leaving us in an hour and a half
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He's been in my life since I was 7, I'm 20 now. It's hard to imagine life without him but I know that it's his time.
We only found out that he had nasal cancer near the end of last year and it grew so fast, we didn't think he'd make it till Christmas. Now though, there's no question and no excuses to delay it any further. The cancer has destroyed his nose and his breathing is really suffering, and he's old so his hips are really starting to buckle. It's hard because he's still so upbeat and stoic that it's hard to get a gauge on his mood, but it's clear that it's changing and not for the better. It's difficult but I do believe that this is the kindest thing we can do for him.
I haven't really had any deaths of close loved ones (apart from my old dog back in 2015) so this feeling is still so new to me. I thought I'd be absolutely devastated and bawling and maybe I will be, but for now I just feel numb and melancholic. My intention is to just keep the same routine I've had instead of shutting down, my mum's absolutely wrecked from all of this so I want to try and be a crutch that she can lean on.
The plan is to take him for a walk in the park (it's raining now though, typical) and then go to the cafe he loves and get him some doggy ice cream, it's been his favourite part of the day for a while now. Then after that, we're getting to the vet for 10:30, watching him fall asleep and then going home. My mum insists on staying so that she can watch everything, but I don't want to watch him shake and feel his breathing go, that's too much. I'm worried how my mum will cope with all of that but she is insistent that she'll be okay.
I'm really going to miss him, as annoying as he could be I couldn't have asked for a better dog. He was patient, friendly, loved life and didn't have a bad bone in his body. I know that he loves us with all of his heart and I'm so happy because that means we've done it right. Our house will be a completely different place and have a completely different atmosphere now. It may be difficult for it to feel like home for a while. I'll do my best to push through it because I know he would have hated to see us so upset.
I love you so much Max, you were incredible and the best friend and dog I could have asked for. I hope that we can see each other again, nothing would make me happier than to spend forever with you in a place where you don't have to suffer.
| 3 |
I feel bad for "the other woman" but I don't want to be her friend
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Advanced apologies for formatting because I'm on mobile.
TLDR: The woman my ex cheated with looks to me for comfort.
For context, I was in a LTR from ages 20-32. We'd lived together for years and kinda grew up together in ways, so I understood when he asked for time to figure things out. Well, you already know where this is going. Apparently, he'd already figured out he liked having sex with another woman and had been doing so for months. We broke up, it was messy, but life goes on.
Then, awhile back, I got a message from the "other woman" he'd moved in with. She told me everything that'd happened and apologized for her part, which was admittedly some nice closure, but I explained that I harbor no ill will toward her. I wasn't in a relationship with her, and she's not the one who cheated on me. Plus, I'm happily married to my soulmate, and I never would've met him if everything hadn't happened the way it did.
She said my ex told her I was bi (I am), and that we were just roommates who'd dated years ago. She'd believed him for awhile then fell in love and didn't care either way. She left her husband, they got a place together, and everything was good. Until - you're never gonna believe this part - he did the same thing to her.
Along with apologizing, she wanted to commiserate, and we had a couple of laughs over text about my (our) ex and his eccentricities. I wished her well and figured that was that. But it wasn't.
She's texted me a couple of times a month for the past two years. I get the feeling there aren't many people she can open up to, maybe because they don't know the truth about how the relationship started, and I don't think any of her friends/family know how hard she's still taking it. Plus, they'd moved to another state together, so I'm not sure what kind of support system she has. She drinks a lot. And when she's on these benders, she texts me. I guess I'm the only connection she has to the ex, and she says talking to me reminds her there are good people in the world.
For my part, I wholeheartedly admit I felt weirdly vindicated when she first reached out. But now, I just feel so sorry for this woman. I guess that's why I haven't blocked her and still answer her texts. We're very different people, so it's not like I'd be friends with her under any other circumstances, but I don't want to cut off the little support I offer her. Still, how long do I need to comfort the "other woman"? I don't want to rehash the same old stuff for years, but I know we all heal at our own pace. She's just so damn pitiful.
Idk where I'm going with any of this. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.
| 62 |
My boyfriends cousin accused him for SA
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My boyfriends cousin from a different city has accused him of sa and it has me in distraught. She’s underage and he’s over 20. He was hiding from me that he was accused from me for a whole week and I had no clue until one night after we had an argument and felt like we had everything off our chests he hits me with, “I will need your help,” I was confused and asked with what. Normally he’d need help paying some stuff and I’ll gladly help and pay things off for him but this night he told me that his cousin had told the cops that he had sexually touched her and tried to do other unspeakable things to her. I started balling my eyes out when I heard I was holding out baby in my hands when I heard this and cried why would she do that to us. I don’t know what to do in this case, he’s never been alone with her and almost every night he’s always been with me or out fishing with his friends. I feel dumb for allowing her to even hold my baby when she would always ask to when she was here visiting I trust he wouldn’t since I have trust issues and would need to know where he’s at or doing especially now since I have postpartum depression. I feel I need him near as possible. What do I do he went to cops and told them to contact me but they haven’t even asked for my information or anything of the sort and no updates from them either.
| 5 |
Girl sent nudes after learned she had a boyfriend i shut her down
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(18m) So I posted a Pornographic picture For the first time, And this (F) DMed me and said I looked good. She wanted nudes of me, which I sent, and she sent some back. She was 10/10 hot, but after it was over, I looked at one of her messages about sending a video of her and her boyfriend, so I asked if her boyfriend was ok with her sexting. She said he didn't know about it, so I said I feel like a bad person, and she said it's ok because he cheats, but I shut her down, deleted all the pictures, and told her she should have a conversation with her boyfriend did i over react.
| 2 |
I told my mom she’s a bad mother. I’m not sorry about it.
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Just a trigger warning: mentions of self harm/unalive.
Growing up I had a very rough and traumatic childhood due to both of my parents decisions in life.
A few years back I was working at a decent paying job and was able to qualify for my first home, it was a bit of a fixer upper but I was happy at the time. At age 28 I hit a rough spot in life which I found it is called a “burn out” and I was diagnosed with autism, childhood ptsd, depression and anxiety. I quit my job of 7 years back in 2021 because they started micromanaging everything we did, put cameras right above our heads, and we had an awful point system for attendance which included accumulating .5 of a point for being 1 minute late to work, 1 minute late back from lunch or break, 1 point for calling in sick even if it was an emergency and you had proof. They would also send out emails to the whole company shaming any employees that took a break longer than 15 minutes or more than 1 break per day. I got to a point where I would have nervous breakdowns every morning before work and would cry so much.
After I quit my job I was doing okay just doing small jobs here and there but still making money; my partner was also employed at my mom’s business but quit after I had a nasty fight with her because she has never accepted me for being gay. She has tried to guilt me, shame me, has openly expressed her disgust towards me, made very inappropriate and disgusting comments that she would hire someone the opposite gender to s/a me so I’d become straight, would constantly shame me for my weight, my looks, and everything about me in general. And to give you a perspective of how my childhood was, I was suffering from really bad PTSD growing up, getting bullied in high school while having to deal with problems at home and my parent’s marriage… I couldn’t deal with it at the time and was self harming and got to a point where I tried to unalive myself. When my mom found out what I did instead of getting help for me she beat me up and kicked me out of the house.
Despite of all this I tried to forgive her after going to therapy and I truly thought she could change (My therapist suggested I tried forgiving to start to heal)
At the beginning of this year I moved away from all my family with my partner despite not having a job because I felt if I didn’t get away I would relapse and try to unalive myself again.
I stupidly made a deal with my parents that I would leave them my house so they could fix the foundation, the roof, walls and the floors with the money the house insurance sent and in return they would give me $20K from the sale of their previous house which by the way was getting foreclosed (I advised them to put it up for sale and notify the bank before it got auctioned since they had gotten a final notice, it worked and they were able to sell it and get around $30K after paying off taxes and the balance due). I advised them that if they would sell the house right away they should not invest out of pocket into fixing anything else, only use the insurance money because the balance was still a bit high and in that neighborhood the house would sell for at most $144k (they would’ve kept around $40K) I advised them that if they would invest in fixing other issues that they needed to keep the house for a few years so the value would go up. As usual, my mom didn’t listen to me and decided she needs to sell the house just six months after, she made several renovations, some which are not even finished so the house is still a fixer upper, and expects to make back all that money, plus more.
My parents are currently separating and dividing their finances, my dad is asking me to give him $18K from the sale of the house because they gave me $20k in our initial deal, I told him I could only give him $10K if there’s even enough.
I was asking my mom to add up everything she invested into the house including the payments and to let me know because I have to give my dad $10K from the $20K they gave me, pay the taxes and give her at least what she invested.
To be clear, I don’t plan or expect to see a single penny from the sale of the house but my mom is now accusing me of stealing from her because I’m asking her to add up what she spent on the house. She thinks I’m trying to give her only what she invested and keep the rest for myself. She also told me she had a divine revelation from God that someone would steal from her.
I had explained over 6 times to her that the reason I need her to add up the money she invested into the house is because the house is a fixer upper and is in a bad neighborhood so realistically the house will not sell for much, and I have to pay the taxes, give her what she invested, if there’s enough give my dad at least $10K, and if there’s any money left after she can keep it.
She messaged me today saying how I’m robbing her, that I stole some of the insurance money (I didn’t, I have proof that money went to the house repairs, payments, etc.) that she only took my house deal to help me out, and how it was her idea to take my house, repair it and sell it. She said God is watching me be a thief.
I sent her a message saying, “is this what you think of me? You have always been a bad mother but this takes the cake. I don’t know how else to explain the house sale issue to you but don’t bother me anymore. You and my dad can fix your own issues, do whatever you please. You are a bad mother, and yes, God is watching me and He has seen how evil and unjust you have been to me. Always coming to me with your problems so I can fix them and then turn around to make me out the bad guy.”
I have her blocked currently but I expect she’s going to bad mouth me (as always) to everyone she can and try to contact me through my siblings.
There’s so, so much more that she’s done to me that I could write a book about it, and there’s a lot of things I haven’t even mentioned here from our house deal… I’m just so tired of everything.
I’m still looking for a job, so is my partner, we are desperate but I never once thought about double crossing my mom because she still has my younger siblings (whom I raised) to take care of and I love them too much; I couldn’t live with myself if I took that money knowing they desperately needed it.
Thank you if you took the time to read all my rant, I just needed to get this off my chest.
| 10 |
A close friend ghosted me
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I just need to get this out there, I really want to stop thinking about it but it hurts that I'll never get the closure of knowing why she stopped talking to me. Was it just this one thing or did I make more mistakes in the past?? I don't know, from our convos it didn't seem like it and we'd talk alot about random stuff.
She does suffer from mental illnesses (I'm bringing this up because she's not really in the right headspace this year, lots of things happened to her and I really wish she gets the help that she needs), but it sucks because this was over a few years worth of close friendship. I made a stupid joke when she was feeling low, because I thought it'd cheer her up... it didn't and she blocked me immediately. I panicked and cried, lol. Then she unblocked me and I apologised, tried to explain myself & the only thing she said was "ok". I decided that I wouldn't message her because clearly, she was annoyed at me so a month went by and... nothing. I messaged her again and tried to explain it even further and a few days later, she completely deleted me off all her social medias, deleted her account(s) & I will never hear from her again.
In my message I did say to please not ghost me, any other response would be appreciated but yeah... that happened. I should've seen it coming, she ditched old friends like it was nothing. It just hurts, I don't really know why. I should be mad but I can't bring myself to do that. I feel guilty, I really wish I never made the joke (it was basically "why be sad when you can have a partner" because she was crushing on someone and I was rooting for them to get together, I really didn't think it through. I feel bad about it). I know I'm in the wrong for it, I really need to understand social cues better.
I know ghosting is a type of response but damn... really gotta do that to someone with anabdoment issues, and she knew I had them 😭
Still, I don't think I'll be able to get over this or forget about her, I really want to. Any advice? Because I can't just "let go", I tried but it didn't work. Every time I think of it, I start to cry haha
| 2 |
I’ve wasted my 21 years
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I turn 21 in about two weeks and I’ve felt nothing but intense and crippling dread for the day. I didn’t expect nor want to live past 16, and now I feel like I’ve spent my years completely wasting away.
EDIT to say I’m grateful for everyone’s comments, I’ve been ugly sobbing reading them. I can’t get to everyone but I really appreciate knowing that it will be okay.
| 531 |
I didn’t starve myself :D
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So I’m posting this because I’m proud of myself and everyone I know is asleep right now since they’re on the other side of the planet. So I just moved to the opposite side of the planet (switched hemispheres, cultures, etc) for school. I have a history of a pretty extreme eating disorder, though it’s been decently under control for the past few years, but it definitely gets loud when I’m anxious. I was supposed to get settled in here with a friend, but due to unforeseen circumstances, they couldn’t come. So I’m in a hotel room right now and there’s no microwave or hot plate, so dinners all but have to be take out. I was going to get food from the restaurant downstairs, but due to some anxiety about eating at a restaurant alone, I waited too long and I couldn’t go. I really didn’t want to leave and go get the closest food because it is super American and I didn’t want to be judged, so the temptation to only have the one small meal that I had had today was getting stronger and stronger. But I did it. I got myself to the restaurant and got the food that I wanted. And I’m eating it right now with no regrets. I know this probably seems pretty ridiculous that an adult in their mid twenties is proud of themself for going to get food, but I am so proud of myself :D
| 2 |
Finality of my breakup is finally hitting me
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I (30 M) recently ended my relationship with my longtime girlfriend because the long distance was killing me.
We were together 4.5 years, 2 of which were long distance because she moved away to be closer to her family. She worked from home and had the flexibility to live anywhere, so I understood and supported the move. I was finishing grad school at the time, so the hope was that when I finished, we could work together to find a place to live together again.
I'm graduating soon, and I received a huge career opportunity, basically my dream job that I've wanted for a long time. But the job is not in the same location as my ex. For her, working from home was really isolating, and it is really hard to make friends as an adult (at least it is hard for both of us). She didn't want to work from home anymore and hated her current job, so she was actively looking for new jobs. Only problem was that there were no career opportunities for her close to my new job--not even in the same state. We talked about this quite a bit, and she didn't see any way she could move to where my job was. She also did not see a future in which we lived together (in the same house)--which was largely a personal preference of hers, but we also did previously live together for a short period of time and it didn't go well, which I blame myself for.
We talked about alternatives, like if she found a job in another city not too far from my job (a few hours away and in a different state). But I didn't think she would be happy there and she would be all alone in a new place, far from her family. I was also afraid that our relationship would be long-distance indefinitely. When I would visit her, I would break down in airport bathroom on the way home, so I couldn't see myself continuing to do long distance.
I decided to end the relationship during one of our date night Zoom calls. It fucking sucked and I cried the rest of the night and all of the next day. During that call, we said we still loved each other and wanted to remain in touch, as friends. We raised a cat together (lol, yes I know, but I love that cat) and I still wanted to be part of both of their lives.
Recently, I reached out to her, through text, to wish her a happy birthday, but never got a response. She blocked me and unfriended me on all forms of social media shortly after that. I get it, I asked for this by ending the relationship. It likely still hurts a lot for her too and so she needs more space. I think it just hit me that I might never see her again. In addition to being my girlfriend, she was also my best friend. She was the reason I survived grad school when it felt like everything was falling apart. Now I'm just stuck with all the memories we've had over the last 4.5 years playing in my head, and realizing that it's over for good, and it's really hard. I don't know if I did the right thing. I wanted to do what I felt was fair to both of us. Maybe I could have found a job closer to her in a slightly different field, but what if I ended up resenting that I gave up on my original career opportunity that I went to grad school for in the first place? Still, I sometimes feel like maybe I just gave up on the relationship. I think this is going to take me a long time to get over.
| 5 |
Rain scares me.
|
It’s so late at night I should probably call it morning and I have a massive headache. Then, it started raining, so of course I can’t sleep. Something about it just makes me so anxious.
I wish I had someone to hold me and take care of me. I just have to do it myself ig lol
I get lost in my own fantasies sometimes, but right now nothing can satisfy me enough to distract my brain to sleep. It all just makes me think of what I wish I had.
| 2 |
It sucks not having a single person you can call all yours
|
It’s all fragmented relationships and friendships. Can’t complain at this age but it weighs more than a mountain
| 8 |
I got a huge career opportunity, for the first time, at 41. Until now, my life has been a string of constant failures, im used to fail and being sad and depreased. Now im overwhelmed and scared.
|
*sorry for the typo in the title ("depressed"), english is not my first language.
So, for context, im adopted.
Rough childhood, 2 adopted siblings too (each of us from different bio parents) one with huge mental problems (sister, close to my age) violent, who took it out on me. Violent dad. My brother cronically depressed and sad.
Basically i had to leave my home (and city) at 18. Got to college, worked a bunch of low end jobs. Met new people. As a kid, in primary school, i was gifted. I had potential. I was advanced for me age, a gifted writer, but i didnt knew it, cause my dad told me i was crap. He always did. So i left. Life happened. I never triumphed, never achieved anything. Left college. Move to another city, the capital. Got in two consecutive long term abusive relationship. My first boyfriend was phisically abusive, the second one was way worse. I was with him 8 years. When we lived together he threathen to kill me multiple times, he beat me up real hard. I had NO self esteem. I couldnt find a decent job. I had little to no money. I wanted to die all the time and was only in my twenties.
Finally was able to Left him. Time passed. Got a semi decent job. Later i met a good man. Two years later, at 34, we had a baby. I truly knew love then, i think. Was overwhelmed by the love. I think being a mom made me a better person. I started college again and finished, while working, while being the most loving mom ever cause i adore my child every day more if thats possible. He truly fills my life with love. Got sporadic jobs, some better than others. Some years we struggle economically, some we were better. My husband is a good dad and person. Sometimes life gets hard but we try to navigate it with good spirits. My child makes everything better. He is almost 7. The most loving, adorable, funny, smart and sweet kid youll ever met. Im so grateful for him. Anyways, last year was rough. I got a job in my field january of 2022. Thought lt was my dream job. I was dead wrong. The environment was hyper toxic, my coworkers (i had 2 male coworkers) were psychos. My boss was worse. I endured so much, still have PTSD. I had multiple panic attacks after getting home. I had a heart attack scare. I quit after a year.
The year before, 2021, was beyond traumatic. My younger brother was in ICU, a coma, intubated with COVID, for a month. He almost died. He was only 29. He was disabled for months. Meanwhile my best friend died of a heart attack. The next month, my dear uncle died. And then, my beloved grandma. In the middle of my brother ICU stay i broke my leg and was bed-ridden for months.i dont know how i survived 2021.
And in 2022 i had the NIGHTMARE job while processing this trauma. So i quit a year later (it took to long). Two months after i quit,in march 2023, my husband got laid out of hid job. Suddenly, we were both unemployed and had only little savings (to live 2 months max), a kid that just started primary school, our car broke and many elextrical artifacts at home started to break. We were running out of money. By June this year, our situation was desperate: we had almost NO money and i kept looking for jobs, interview after interview and found NOTHING. I was afraid for my kid. Terrified.
Suddenly my husband sent me a linkedin offer which was WAY out of my league, they requested PHDS (i dont have one), and the payment offer was MUCH more than i was asking or offered before (4x times more) with many unreal benefits. I didnt want to apply sinxe i wasnt even getting crappy low end job, but i did anyway.
Anyways, fast forward one month later. I passed requiered knowledge tests with the highest score, many many interviews, met important people, etc, etc, etc. I was one of the 4 selected applicants to a VERY important job among 500 aplicants. The job is HUGE. They congratulated me a lot cos it was all due to merit. I excelled in all the tests and interviews. I start working on monday. Im so scared. I dont know how to be happy. All my life, i have been a failure. I somehow think all my life is gonna change for good. Finally, at 41.
I wish i could scream something, i dont know what. Scream away all the pain, the bottled up failures, the acumulated sadness. I wish i knew how to feel happy or acomplished or proud of myself, but i dont know how.
Im only able to look at the sky, to whatever energy there is out there, and say: thank you, thank you, thank you.
| 4 |
i genuinely cannot fathom why people care about others so much.
|
i’m meaning this more in a negative offensive way, because if you care about somebody in a kind way it’s obviously not a problem. why the hell do you care if somebody is getting an abortion? because they’re klling a child??? you don’t seem to care about the already birthed ones why care about this one? why do you care if somebody is trans? “ i don’t want a male in a females bathroom” how do you know they’re a male ???? why do you care what genitalia somebody has?? how lonely and sad do you have to be to bully somebody ONLINE because they dress a certain way. it’s revolting. people that aren’t progressive or “woke” ( 🤮) are genuinely stupid.
| 17 |
Met and connected with a woman on a train in a once-in-a-lifetime kind of encounter. Walked away without so much as her name.
|
I must be somewhat crazy for feeling this way, but I am unable to shake this memory and fear that it may haunt me for the rest of my life. So, I will record it here. This happened last year, as you'll see. Be warned, this has turned out quite long.
I am an intensely introverted and socially anxious man. I try very hard not to show it, but I'm sure it is evident enough. Thus, I do not interact with strangers on pain of death; I am also, therefore, perpetually single. This bothers me more deeply than I typically care to admit in my waking life. This short expository is merely meant to help justify why I place so much emphasis on the following story:
In the spring of 2022, I embarked on a solo trip to the east coast for the purpose of attending a music festival: Boston Calling. I was in town for roughly 3 days, exploring the hopefully evident city that Boston Calling is named for. The majority of the trip was lovely, and I have only positive things to say about Boston and its inhabitants. Boston Calling was somewhat disappointing due to severe rain and my favorite band (The Strokes all day, baby) backing out due to a positive COVID test. I still had fun, however, wandering around and listening to a variety of unique indie bands. Naturally, as you might guess, I spoke to absolutely no one the entire time with the exception of cashiers. This was no issue, and no one paid any undue attention to me, as per usual... until the final night of my trip.
The final act of Boston Calling 2022 was a rousing performance by Metallica. Not really my style, so to beat the crowds and get a seat on the train, I left early. This turned out to be a crucial choice, as I would find out mere minutes later. As I stood on the platform of the red line (I believe), I saw, in the distance, a woman. I took unusual note of her, dressed casually, but with a memorably amusing bright yellow smiley face cap and teal-highlighted hair tied in a ponytail. She was attractive, but obviously not trying overly hard to establish that fact. I thought no further of her as I boarded the train.
On the train, I settled in on my phone while standing. Miraculously, despite having been--to my memory--at least a traincar length away, *I saw a bright yellow cap board my traincar, directly in front of me*. We briefly met eyes, and I began to entertain the idea that this was not a coincidence; but of course, not anywhere remotely enough to ever justify saying anything, because:
A. She was clearly minding her own business, with earbuds and a gaze firmly locked on her phone.
B. I desperately did not want to be that creep on public transportation who hits on women, *especially* given that she was alone.
C. I had absolutely no chance of saying anything remotely correct, given my social skills.
And so began an intricate series of small glances at one another over the course of the long train ride, neither of us revealing any intent to move, yet ostensibly gently reinforcing our mutual interest. Eventually, she chose to sit in a nearby open seat. I took this as an opportunity to move within speaking range, so I carefully sat down one full seat away from her, thereby closing the distance, but still respecting what could be a dreadfully painful misunderstanding on my part.
My greatest fear and simultaneous hope were all but confirmed when she immediately removed her earbuds and placed her phone down on her leg as I sat. I was absolutely mortified that I had placed myself in this situation, naturally, but somehow exalted in what was the most perfect courting ritual that I had experienced in perhaps my entire life. To me, it was almost as if every my every romantic fantasy were coming true. Forgive me for saying that... In any case, I was completely paralyzed for some time, unable to make the first move, painfully aware that if I did so, the anxiety of it--thereby playing into the trope that I, as the male, must impress her--would destroy my ability to function entirely.
Finally, after one last enduring silence, the woman spoke:
"I like the way you dress."
Anxieties and fears melted away under the simple yet sincere compliment. I found myself strangely, incredibly, completely at ease with this total stranger. I turned to her, finally able to absorb every detail of her face directly. I was struck by the gentle warmth of her demeanor, not spoiled, but accentuated, by the nerves of a first meeting. I was smitten, to the say the least. My subsequent response was some equivalent compliment about her cap which tickled me so. The ensuing conversation would be too long to record in this already *entirely* too verbose post, but suffice to say, we chatted about everything from work to music to the ways in which we were posers (I don't know either...). Our conversation ran long into the ride to our respective destinations, with momentum that threatened to carry us long into the night.
Eventually, I heard the unmistakable sound of the overhead speaker announcing my stop. I looked at her with what must have been plain melancholy, as she immediately intuited that this was my stop. As the train ground to a halt, I gathered my belongings, rising and thanking her for the chat as I did so. I began to move towards the door, for some reason on autopilot, but regained enough lucidity to stop midway and turn around one final time. I'll never forget the look in her eyes... wistful, as if begging me not to just walk away, but also tinged with disappointment, as if she already knew that was exactly what I was going to do. I frowned and looked at her sadly as the words I was unable to stop issuing from my mouth came to be:
"I hope you have a great night,"
I said nothing further, despite my inner monologue screaming, not even properly hearing her response. As I quickly exited the train and walked down the platform, I drove the nail in deeper by not even sparing her a glance as the train passed me by. I continued walking the several miles to my AirBnB in silence, contemplating my actions. I had carefully concluded by the time I arrived that I had made possibly the worst fucking mistake in recent memory.
I am, to this day, unable to reconcile my choice to walk away without so much as her name or any ability to find her again. I am confident that I will not find myself in such a situation again for some years, if ever. This is but one of many fatal life decisions I frequently make that consign me to isolation and frequent ideation of a type that you can guess. If you've made it this far, congratulations. I hope that you can learn from my mistake.
Tl;dr:
Met a woman on a train. Overcame my inhibitions with her help and had the most intense and memorable connection to a stranger I've ever had. Arrived at my stop and left her alone without so much as a name.
| 2 |
I hate dating in 2023
|
I am a single father and I miss having a partner but dating in 2023 sucks. All the apps make me feel like I am not worthy. I barely have free time to meet anyone but I miss having someone to talk to everyday. To share memories with. I want to get married someday and have more kids but I honestly feel like it won't happen for me anymore. I have been doing the work to be a better person for my kid and myself and I know I have a lot to offer someone. I just wish meeting people were easier
| 4 |
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