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I feel ashamed that im letting my parents down and failing my exams
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I just want to say im sorry if this seems very minor, i know people post things that make what im going through seem silly to be upset about but i dont know where else im supposed to say it, im too embarrassed to tell my friends .
im doing dental medicine and ive been struggling. these last 3 years i basically scraped by only studying a week max before my final exams, every year i feel like shit during my exams season and every year i do the same shit
but this time i think im fucked, this year i failed 5 of my 9 exams and i only have one more chance to do them in a month ,
i have such horrible procrastination and it cripples me into not being able to get any work done, but by not getting work done i get more stressed which causes me to ignore the problem more and its a vicious cycle im aware of but cant break out of.
my dad is my hero and he never asks for anything, all he asks of me is to study hard and try my best pass or fail, but the fact that every year i fail to study at appropriate times and feeling like i disappointed him was never too bad because i passed every year but this time i think i really am hopeless and i can only imagine how sad ill make him when i tell him. feel like my hearts in my throat
once again i know its nothing compared to other peoples experiences, and i know its all my fault for not studying but i cant help it, its like a disease.
thank you for listening
| 2 |
i have a thing for my coworkers daughter
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first of all she is 23. i have never thought of her in intimate way until last year. she’s really fun to be around. granted i’ve only been around her a handful of times. i’m assuming my coworker would not be to keen of this situation. should i just leave it alone?
| 1 |
I'm so flooded , mixed emotions bouncing off hiss ceilings...
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We're just doomed
| 0 |
I’m very upset with my assistant.
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I am the general manager at a food chain.
Recently, about a month ago, me and my assistant manager had a disagreement on how I handled an employee that wouldn’t listen to me.
I have been promoted and only got his position seven months ago. It it my first time managing a store and the business side is going well, but managing people really sucks. When I was the assistant manager, I had a great way of communicating with my old boss, and I was also really close with the whole staff to the point that we were even friends.
Then my boss left and promoted me to the boss and another co worked to assistant.
Things were going okay until about a month ago. I came into work and they were acting very cold to me. I asked them if everything was okay and she told me that people have issues and that I need to stop being rude to a certain employee. That whole situation was dealt with and I apologized to the employee if I gave them the impression that I was trying to be rude to them. If so I didn’t realize it or mean to do so.
After that my assistant basically ignores my existence. We used to be really close.
For three weeks I would say hi and ask them how they were doing and they ignored me. If a customer needed something they would come get me and that would be about it. I usually take care of all the work in the back of the house so they usually stays up front.
After weeks of trying to be friendly with them I just completely stopped trying and just focused on doing my job.
The other day they texted me asking me to keep people updated about the schedule changes ( people switched shifts, I figured as long as someone shows up it’s not an issue.) and then they say “ I understand know we aren’t close anymore but it’s my job to manage the store too”
I thanked them for letting me know that this was an issue and updated her on the changes for the day.
Then on my day off a piece of a machine went missing and I had no idea Until I came back two days later. The first day back I was looking for the piece. (It’s a small piece the machine is not one we often use) and today I called my district manager to let him know the piece was missing and that we would need a new one.
He was very upset and said that my Assistant had already told him and why didn’t I know about any of this?
I asked some of my employees and they said they already knew because my assistant already posted it in their group chat!
I’m just mad that they didn’t tell me and I’m mad that they have been ignoring me for three weeks then decides they want to communicate a problem with me, then she goes over my head and talks to the district manager. Maybe I shouldn’t be this mad but I am pissed.
I feel like she has disrespected me in a way. Or maybe I’m just taking it too personal.
| 0 |
I thought I can already give my dog the chemotherapy he needed
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I don't know what to say. This just happened now and I really feel so frustrated right now. I hope this sub is a really safe place to get this off my chest.
My dog has cancer and urgently needs chemotherapy treatment. It has been progressing rapidly and he is getting weaker. He grew bumps all over his body due to the cancer spreading and walks limping now. I am really desperate to get him medical treatment so I tried making a fundraising campaign in gogetfunding and posting on subreddits to ask for help but there are still zero. So I also tried messaging facebook groups and pages that fund this kind of cases to ask for help.
I messaged one and was very delighted when he responded that they will help my dog (he is known for helping dog owners in the treatment of their dogs and there are already people who posted wbout their journey so I was really happy). He sent instructions on what to do such as taking pictures and videos of the dog, information about the dog, when did it started, information about the owner etc. I did and followed everything he told. Then he sent another set of instructions about how they will pay the vet, what we should do in the vet (taking documentations, asking the vets permission etc). I was kind of confused about his instructions and politely asked him something about the payment since I really don't have any money. He then proceeded to repeatedly tell me an insult on how I cannot understand such simple, complete, and "straight to the point" instruction. I don't know the term in english but it is really insulting in our local language when in fact I was just asking him to clear things up. I lowered my pride and apologized even though I am mad from his words that were really insulting because I really want him to help my dog. But he still proceeded to delete all his messages and instructions and told me he won't help us anymore just because I asked one question. I know it is not his obligation to help my dog and I was the one asking for favor but it really frustrates me that he made me follow his long long instructions (which I did) for him to backout and insult me after just asking one question and even if I apologized many times and admitting fault for not understanding. I should've just used those time taking care of my dog instead of spending it in following his instructions just to be given false hopes that I can already give my dog his medical treatment. I thought that was it, my dog will finally be healed and will go back to his previous healthy self but all I was given were false hopes.
| 1 |
My mom called me the r-word today
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I (13F) have a hard time communicating. I try and make things a joke or cheery because its usually the only way i can talk.
I was talking to my mother in the car and she turned the conversation to a different topic. She asked me if it actually helped when she would say she could relate to things I'm going through and I told her honestly no. She then got mad and said I will definitely fail psychology (I don't even take it or plan on taking it in highschool?) and that it helped her as a kid. I told her I was a different person and that it doesn't always work with everyone.
She then told me I was a r-word. I replied with a joke because I was honestly shocked, and she got a little more mad. She told me that as a kid I could convey emotions well and how shes confused on why I got r-worded. At this point I was really hurt. Then she asked why was it my goal to make her and my father's life harder. I just didn't respond.
When we got home she tried to talk to me and asked me why I didn't reply. I told her maybe its because you called me a r-word, and started to walk away. She asked me why I was offended because I (jokingly) call myself r-worded all the time. I then got mad and told her insulting myself is different then being insulted by your own mother.
She started to take out her anger on my stepdad, who was literally just cleaning because we were expecting company. When he told her to ignore him because he wasn't doing anything she said he was "giving off vibes" and she couldn't ignore it. They then argued right in front of me.
I can't wait to move out when I graduate at 17. I can't deal with this anymore.
| 3 |
I pissed off my friend because I can't get over her
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Basically, I'm romantically interested in my female friend and I keep texting or trying to talk to her or asking her if she wants to go do stuff. We both work at the same place so we talk a lot, but we don't get to do stuff a lot. Im acting like a puppy, basically following her around and finding every opportunity to talk to her. I keep asking her to go hangout and she keeps telling me she can't. She's trying to earn enough money to pay for her first semester of college, and she has other projects that keep her busy, so logically I should just accept that she literally can not and stop asking her, right?
No, I'm a fucking idiot and I think it is totally okay to ask her ever few weeks if she's available to hang out. And I know that this is stupid, but I can't help it because my stupid brain tricks me into thinking that asking her out over and over again is actually a totally fine, smart thing to do. But no, it's literally fucking stupid, and I am a fucking idiot.
She left me on read a week ago when I asked her if she was available the week of the 17th, so I essentially ask her something like "hey, I get the sense you don't want to hang out, if you don't that's fine, I'm sorry if I'm bothering you" and she texts back essentially, "look, I just have other stuff going on right now." Like, obviously pissed off and annoyed based on context. And yeah, she literally has every right to be. So I apologized to her before deleting her number from my phone so I'm not tempted to try texting her again. I'm thinking about quitting the job I work at (it's part time work) because I can't keep doing this. I just fucking hate myself right now, I've been acting like an absolute dipshit, I feel like I have no control and its making someone elses life worse because of it.
Also, I know I said I couldn't help myself, just to be clear I mean it metaphorically and am not trying to excuse myself.
| 0 |
I almost killed multiple people and I don’t feel bad about it.
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Without going into too much detail, I was driving over 100 mph on some streets not too far from town, passing multiple people on two lane roads. I lost control around a corner, ended up on the sidewalk and hit a wall, rolling then sliding a ways.
Here’s where my confession starts: I don’t feel remorse for my actions. I understand that what I did was an awful thing, endangering other drivers, people on the sidewalk, my own life, but I continue to live my life without much worry. I’ve moved on in my mind. I haven’t even begun to face the legal repercussions of this, yet I’m already looking to buy a new car. The only downside for me is the legal trouble I may be in. The people around me (parents, grandparents, friends), are all in shock and processing the emotions of almost losing me, yet I lack the basic emotions about the accident to understand what they are feeling. I joke about it with them. They keep telling me that it’s insensitive, and that it’s not okay to joke about, but that thought process just never happened for me. I’m scared to think about why I thought this was an okay thing to do, which is honestly my only major point of reflection so far, other than the financial repercussions I might face as a result. I feel like I’m simply lacking the normal empathy and emotions that people expect me to be feeling, but it just isn’t happening in my mind.
| 0 |
Everyone thinks I'm super smart, but I'm actually dumb as rocks
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Basically the title. I got pressed into the "smart kid" role my whole life, because I like to read, but everyone greatly overestimates my intelligence. I always seem smart, but I always have to cover my mistakes to keep the mask on and so no one realizes what an idiot I am. For many people it's like my only personality trait and I fear what might happen, when they uncover how I really am. I don't even know what value I have, because every rpaise I get is always related to my intelligenc in some way. Even though it's all just show and I never know what I am doing.
I'm honestly just useless otherwise. I'm clumsy, way too arrogant for how I really am and to scared to ever as a question or admit a mistake, because it would mean I'm not as smart as people perceive me.
Just needed to get this off my chest
| 8 |
I really wish that time healed all wounds.
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July 17th, 2011 I found out my dad was dead. I was in MN , he was with family in MO. My mother relayed my uncle's word to her as: "it's dad. He's gone. He hung himself". I have C-PTSD (from a lot of things) and it's why I can feel that moment as I type this. Feel what 18yr old me felt, the heavy, physical pain of sudden grief. Everyone told me I'd be okay. That I needed to give it time. I've tried. I've been in therapy the last 10yrs. I've done grief specific therapy. I've done emdr. And I still feel the deep pain. The ache of loss. My dad was at times the scariest thing in my life, at other times, he was the dad treating his 8yr old daughter like an equal when talking sports, politics ...etc. and honestly I like to pretend that if I just wish hard enough for long enough, I'll get to see him again. I don't know what happens when you die. But it better be worth this lifetime grief.
| 0 |
Most emotionally immature breakup situation
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Little long story but just want people takes. Nothing like the internet to get feedback am I right!
So I(31m) had been seeing this girl(30f) for a couple months since the new year. Girl put me through a lot of emotional issues that were hers to deal with and grow from. Nothing cheating wise, but self confidence and she’s bipolar. I was always there and supported her.
She is a service industry girl and I’m a steady WFH developer so our schedule had troubles syncing up. Also her drinking was an issue here and there, some sloppy-ish/rude behavior that I’m not about.
Without getting into too much detail her emotional ugly..was ugly. Woke up to paragraphs of her hating herself and leaving me, self hurt, and needing picked up. Honestly a great girl but again, ugly was ugly and tough to deal with.
I was always there to hear an explanation and apology even after those txt or a day where she just wouldn’t talk to me, or tell me I needed space. I go to therapy monthly so get it(Which I wanted her to do). She also just got back on bipolar meds for the first time while with me and in a while for her at the beginning of May.
We worked through some rough patches but hit a bad one at the beginning of June. Right before this we took a break and she contacted me the entire time while she was on a trip wishing I was there with her instead of her friend and such. Week later she hits me with she’s not sure about us and thinks we’ve ran our course. I ask why and more info and gives me she’s in a good place and needs to be single. I wish her the best, let her have it and don’t contact her. 3 days later she txts me late after a few drinks, with “Hey” wanting meet at a bar near my place that people go to. Should of not accepted breadcrumbs but I care for the girl. We exchange the I miss yous and have sex at my place. Next 2 days we hang out all good. The third day we do a run club activity and I can tell she’s off. She tells me she wants to go back to dating or nothing at all. Baffled since we just kinda did this I’m like wtf let’s just not do this then and leave. Txt her later asking what’s the deal since I didn’t want to have it out at a public place and she again just stresses she’s in a good place and needs to just not deal with the stresses of a relationship.
She makes some “hot girl summer” bs type post on Insta a couple days later and I unfollow because f that.
3 weeks we don’t talk and then end of June she reaches out again with Hi. Again breadcrumb but I take bites. She wants me to come over because she’s excited she landed a new job that she’s been trying to get back into since losing that career field with her DUI over a year ago. Me excited for her, missing her and wanting to see her goes. Even though I had been dating/talking to others knowing what she’s already gave me a run around for. She’s a little drunk(it’s a Tuesday) she explains her excitement for the job , how she misses me, and this job is what she has been wanting so we can be on a normal schedule together and all these things. I give my happiness and my missing her but go over what happened last time and I got burned.
She mentions she did dating apps but never did a date because she wasn’t up for it. Kinda annoyed by that since she left me to “be single” (some of us know what that could mean) but she swears there’s nobody else. We end up hooking up, more on her than me, and she wants me to stay which I decline and go home.
Next day she says she misses me and was so glad to see me. Apologizes for being drunk but states she’s not sure what she wants but wants me in her life. At this point I see she’s not giving me much of anything so I state I was glad to see her too but need to see more out of her towards this before I go in so I don’t get burned again.
We talk here and there daily and she invites me to hang out quite a few times which I deny, explaining I want my own time and not comfortable with that yet.
Where I mess up a bit is I had been talking to a girl and she would like to do something for the 4th and I’m interested too. We go out to some spots then hit the fireworks. While there I get a txt from ex saying “it’s funny I’ve been inviting you out, txting me asking what I’m up to but wouldn’t join me and now I know why. I have her confirmation from it. Have a good life” Assuming somebody we mutually know saw me out with the girl I’ve been talking to and told her. I try to txt back explaining I’m single because you have broke up with me 2/3 times so of course I’m seeing possibilities of others. Which never went through because she blocked me on txt and Insta.
I’m just baffled she can be upset when she left me over nothing. She even made statements during the breakups of how great of a guy I am and how I helped her get her life back into a good track. Also I’m a fairly good looking gent in really good shape so thinking she’s my end all and wanting her back isn’t the issue. Just more annoyed she gets to play pity party when you left me as many times as you did, then block me without giving me any word in when I gave you endless openings and made me feel like a fool. Again would just like hearing peoples opinion here.
| 0 |
i hate that i hate myself.
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i hate myself, and it actually hurts. i wish i didn't feel that way, but i do anyway. and that scares me.
i'm bullied at school for literally the entire year since i started and i don't even know why. i just tried to fit in, to be like them, but they didn't like that.
they still didn't like it when i pulled away, tried to ignore them the way they ignore me.
my self-esteem is kinda low and i'm insecure about a lot of things - worsened by the way i'm treated.
it's not like i've never met mean or disrespectful people. there was obviously that odd unkind person in my old school. but it's just that for some reason, the majority of the students in my school have no respect for anyone. in fact, with a new behaviour policy from the headteacher, the teachers don't really respect the students anymore either.
every day, i'm given looks, whispered about, have my things taken from me. laughed at. picked on and singled out. they try to control me. treat me like i'm nothing, which i'm starting to believe.
it's hard to explain this to my parents. we don't understand each other.
my friends? who i barely know anymore? they don't get it.
reporting to the school? that wouldn't mean anything. they refuse to deal with bullying, support students in times of need or take good disciplinary measures. i've seen it before my very eyes. all my school care about is their perfect exam results and making sure they only get good press.
even if i reported, it could make matters worse, and not like i'd be believed - 20 vs 1.
what i really want is to start again. start at a different place, where i'm not known and i don't know anyone. to leave my current school silently, that the people in my class won't even realise i'm gone.
| 0 |
I’m 20 and terrified of the future and of wasting time
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I lived for a long time with an abusive dad, now it’s just me and my mom and we have money problems. I don’t have friends or people that care about me.
I always question everything and overthink a lot and that’s why I struggle to make choices, everything I do I always find myself asking “what if”. This wasn’t a big deal when I was in school because at that time your choices don’t really affect your future. But now I don’t know what to do with my life. I do have an idea on what I would like to study but it’s a big commitment, lot of work, lots of years and i’m afraid that once I do get that scholarship i’ll realise i’m not enough and not capable of doing it. what if I find out I don’t actually like it and I’m stuck there. what if there’s something better out there i don’t know about? There’s a billion things that could go wrong. Everyone i know is going so fast and seems so sure of what they’re doing. Do they really know what they want and i’m just not motivated enough and should leave it or are they just mindlessly taking a leap of faith?
The thing is I feel like I have only this one shot to make my life a good life. I feel like i’ve never even had a family so I really want to build one, find the right partner, have kids of my own to make them feel safe and happy like I never was and have a stable job.
I can’t picture me in 10 years from now, like I know I won’t make it to 30. I’m paralysed and not ready to make decisions that can change my life forever. i just want to feel safe
| 3 |
Motherhood is draining me, and my daughter's father is making it worse. I am exhausted and I want to give up so bad
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I got pregnant for my long term boyfriend, and we had agreed on abortion but my mum talked me out of it. If I knew I would be raising this kid alone, I would have really thought hard about that decision. Obviously he got upset, and since then we had an on and off relationship until when he walked out a year after the baby was born. All this time I was glad I had my mum's support so I concentrated on the baby and let him go.
My daughter is now 8, and all these years I've fought to get any kind of support from him. This has become so tiring and frustrating. I was living with my younger brother and had to take him back to my mum's house. A few years back I could take care of both of them as I had a receptionist job and a remote job. Things have now changed, I lost both jobs and now I do housekeeping at a hotel and part time cleaning. The money just never seems to be enough, and now I have to take care of my mum's medication who also had to stop working due to a leg injury.
I can never rely on my daughter's father as he keeps giving mixed signals. One day he doesn't want anything to do with her, the next he wants to be with our daughter but will not pay child support unless I hand her over to him. Getting a lawyer is just too costly and I'm tired of going back and forth with him. Everytime we have a disagreement he has to remind that he gave me an option to abort. This gets me so angry, I mean that child is a whole blessing to me.
I've tried to get him to pay child support, and the lawyer said it will be hard to get him to commit to anything because he has no income to report. He has a job and I also know some of his colleagues. At this point I just want my daughter's father to take care of her needs, school fees and groceries. As much as I'm trying we're behind on rent and we've run out of groceries, but he is somewhere living his life. Most of the money is gone before I even have a chance to do anything with it.
He claims to love to our kid, but how can a parent sleep not knowing whether the child is fed, or clothed or sleeping well. Our daughter is asthmatic but I can't even count on him during emergency. I'm so fed up with him. Despite working 2 jobs, I have to pay for everything but I'm barely managing. In the evening after work, I'm so exhausted but I have to be a parent and help with homework and do chores. I don't even sleep well, I'm always panicking thinking about due bills, not sure whether the next day we'll be having something to eat. All I've asked for is for the man to support his child, however he can. But even that has become too hard for him.
I don't know how to control a grown man to start paying child support but I'll have to see this through for my daughter's sake. I'm tired of trying, everyday I'm looking for new jobs, I never rest and I'm always exhausted. Sometimes I think if I didn't have a kid, life would have been easier and I wouldn't have to deal with half of the expenses I have now. I want to give up so bad, but what will happen to my child? I can not count on her father to take care of her. I just need a break and some support.
| 1 |
I can't get Dick out of my head
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I have no idea what it is about it, but the idea of sucking one, holding one, tasting one, even just the warmth of it is just so fucking arousing. And even everything else down there, assholes, balls, the sweat between the legs, all of it is just so fucking good. I've never been in a situation where I could have all of it but if I ever did I'd spend so much time just sucking and licking and snuggling up against that semi hard cock because I'd have drained it of cum so many times it couldn't get up fully anymore. Hmu if ur i
Near Dallas I'm about to move within the next 2 weeks and would love to get this experience out of the way before I do, I can do an enema and fast beforehand too if you don't just want my head in your pants constantly.
| 0 |
Starting to get really tired
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I (25m)starting to get very physically and emotionally tired. I constantly work 10-12 hour days to provide enough for myself and my SO. Sometimes it just feels like I’m not appreciated due to constant put downs and little positive note from them. My job isn’t really for the light hearted but I enjoy it. It’s starting to take a toll on my body and mind, the stuff from my SO isn’t helping either. I also rarely due anything I want to do to relax also. I’m at lost on what to do or how to feel.
| 0 |
I think Im heading towards being an alcoholic
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Ive been depressed and suicidal for as long as I can remember. I maxed out my first and only credit card as an act of self sabotage, and Im mostly hoping that I dont get better so I can just be done with life.
| 1 |
Found 2 positive pregnancy tests in my sisters bathroom
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Don’t have much to say for this one. Not exactly sure if I should confront her about this, or talk to my parents. The worst part? She is only 14. Just needed to get this off my chest and advice would be appreciated.
| 2 |
I believe im addicted to a FWB
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So i (M16) believe that i have become addicted to my FWB (F15) and i dont really know what to do about it.
Do really quickly let me explain the reason we aren’t together. About one month ago she had gotten out of a relationship and was seeking help because of extreme depression. She texted me about three weeks ago and we agreed to hang out at my house a couple weeks later. About 4 days ago i got back from a vacation and saw her texts talking about her days and how she missed me. So that night i had texted her and asked her to come over. She came over and we made out and it was amazing (mainly being my first and greatest achievement in that kind of area ever.) I have had her over the last two days and it has continued.
The main reason i believe that i am addicted to her is because of how i literally shake and scratch my self when she isn’t with me. I am also slowly gaining a large amount of anxiety because of not being around her and it has lead me to believe i am addicted to her. Is there anyway someone can help me mentally here or why i feel this way.
TLDR: I make out with a FWB and need help finding out if im addicted to her
| 0 |
I (22F) was groomed by my history professor (35M) and i feel like it's my fault.
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I was 15 at the time, finishing my first year of hs. There was this new history prof that taught us that year (and only that year) and I liked him a lot. He was humorous, he seemed like a really nice dude and most importantly to me at the time, it felt like I could have some interesting conversations with him.
End of first year, we have our last lesson with him and I decided to stay with him for a bit after class and discuss religion, since he seemed like a good guy to talk to about it. I was agnostic then, currently leaning towards pagan agnostic, and I asked him what he thought about God and all that, if he believed. I grew up in a small, religious town as a non-believer and I always wanted a genuine convo about this with someone who wouldn't push me into religion or judge me.
We had a nice talk. For whatever reason, I had his email and I sent him an email mid summer if he could do something for me at school, I forget exactly what it was, but this was the beginning. I realize I'm actually missing a lot of the details. We started communicating through email and continuing our conversations. It was nothing personal, until later when I started sharing my personal stuff and he shared his. We seemed to be of a similar, cynical mindset and I liked that I had someone it seemed understood me, as I was painfully misunderstood at the time (as all teenagers are, but I also had sprouted the seed of borderline personality disorder and everything was cranked up to 11).
I started seeing him post class, even participating in first-year history classes and his then class accepted me fairly well and I had fun with them. My mother saw this as me having a friend and liked that I had someone to talk to, other than my online friends (who were all of a similar age to me, confirmed). We talked more and more, and around the end of my second year, things started becoming... Weird.
He gave me a birthday gift because he'd apparently remembered my birthday (it's St. Paddy's so not difficult to remember, although it's not celebrated here). I reciprocated on his birthday. And so that tradition continued. He'd give me books and write something on the first page for me. Things like "thank you for making my day, things are always better when you're around" etc. I thought this was kind but something nagged at me that it was a bit odd for a man of his age to have such deep feelings of gratitude towards his 13 years younger student.
We started hanging out more and more, sending emails, all that jazz. He started telling me he dreamt of me, or that he imagines me next to him, saying comforting things when he's having a hard time. I, again, felt this was SUPER off but went with it because hey, he's as lonely as I was so I get it. I think I just didn't wanna accept it since he truly was my only good friend at the time whom I could talk to without judgment.
He'd always say "never change". I thought that odd as well. One time I directly asked him if he's in love with me since he started looking at me weirdly, and I didn't know what to make of it. He didn't say yes or no, just that I shouldn't ask such things over email (okay? But it's way more uncomfortable in person). I'd sometimes mention crushes or other men in my life and he seemed very adamant I not discuss anything romantic with him. I guess, seeing it now, he was jealous and/or uncomfortable with it. He told me that another professor had warned him not to continue contact with me as it could end badly for him, the principal caught us together leaving school, several times, and he got reprimanded for it but he kept seeing me.
After the overt weirdness started and he garnered this odd obsession for me that was starting to show more and more, I started making up excuses as to why I couldn't show up after class to see him. I'd say I have a headache or I have to study or just that I couldn't make it. Best part was that it was true as well, I think the situation had made me get headaches as I was getting stressed due to what the fuck was going on. He would be disappointed, frustrated, that I wasn't coming, even expressing feelings of depression.
One time he got me a Gorillaz hoodie for my birthday, and I tried to put it on immediately, but I didn't wear a bra that day and I accidentally flashed him taking it off, because the shirt I was wearing under also almost came off (I feel so fucking stupid to this day because of that). He just told me to start wearing bras more often moving forward. I hate myself for that moment.
When I was 17 I found my person, my boyfriend who I've been with since. He... Did not seem to like that. I told him that I'd met someone who really made me feel happy, hoping he'd be happy for me too, but all he said was the usual "don't talk to me about that" stuff. I think this was the same summer, or the summer prior, where I didn't respond to his emails until a month or so later because of bad internet. Boy, he was PISSED. Very very hurt I didn't get back to him. Mind you, he had my phone number and if he was concerned about my wellbeing he could've just called, but whatever.
Fast forward to me being 18, finishing high school, entering college. At the beginning of the semester we agreed to hang out, in the city where I'm attending college which isn't far from my hometown. We had a drink, he told me he didn't like my tattoos or my piercing and that I'd changed I guess. Then we went to a place with a nice view where he gave me yet another book and told me, plainly, "I love you.". I fucking lost it. I started crying because I knew it was coming but I thought maybe, just maybe I could stay friends with this man and it was really all in my head. But nope, there it was, clear as day. Then he hugged me and kissed the top of my head, which felt comforting at the time given that I was a wreck. I don't even remember what I said to that but he drove me home and I texted him that we won't be seeing each other again. He agreed, and two weeks or so later emailed me asking to see me. I ignored it, I think, and that was that.
It's been four years now and from time to time I still remember it and I guess I just needed to share this with someone. My mom doesn't know, my boyfriend does and a few of my friends know but that's it. I don't talk about it often, but it's obviously still very present in my mind.
Thank you for giving me this space to share. I didn't realize he was grooming me until he told me he loved me, after three years of what I sincerely tried to believe was genuine friendship. I feel unbelievably stupid, naive and disgusting, and like it's my fault it went on as long as it did, but at least it's over now. I hope he didn't find a replacement for me and I hope he stopped obsessing over me.
Little detail, he apparently had a will written that in the event of his death his personal diaries and such would go to me. He had been suicidal for a time of his life and we initially bonded a lot over making a shared pact that we wouldn't do it, as I was (and still am) suicidal as well.
| 15 |
My boyfriend has a drinking problem and I don’t know what to do.
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That’s it. I just need it off my mind for tonight. We only argue when he’s drunk. He thinks I can’t tell…we’ve been together 2 years…I can tell. It hurts so much when he lies straight to my face in that voice he only gets when he’s drunk. It’s like his tongue is too big for his mouth and his words are distorted. I’m just so tired of the drama. He’s perfect 70% of the time…I want to believe I’m worth more than 70% effort when I give him 110% of me and complete honesty always. My life is madness 30% of the time and I’m so tired of it. He doesn’t think he can do any wrong and that i chastise him…I just ask him to be honest with me so I can drive myself, my friend, and him home without being terrified.
| 1 |
I think I drank way too much before I hit 25
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Hey, so sorry to bother, but I (21m) for the past year ish I have struggled with depression and recently anxiety has been introduced to that mix(I never thought I would deal with anxiety, but it runs in the family) and basically I was introduced to achohol and I started really getting into it, because video games and achohol go great. Eventually I developed a dramatic love and addiction to it to deal with my struggles. In a weird way I kind of romanticized my addiction, but i got into it real quick. I NEVER had any physical withdraws(At least i dont remember) but when it got kinda bad(At my breaking point) i would wake up not only hungover, but just really, groggy and sick, i guess. I would steal Vodka Bottles, Whiskey, Wine, I developed strategies and would go in the cooler in-between shifts(At my job this was at) and drink and drink. Anyways, I managed to buy liquor bottles from the store without getting carded and used to get drunk on Whiskey and Vodka every night for 3 months straight, almost every night).
| 1 |
I am finally leaving my awfull job
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I have been working at this place for 3 years now, hating it and falling more and more into depression because of how much I hated the job. But I needed the money. Finally, I worked up the courage to start looking for an out and finally I have an interview for a better job, better pay, schedules and everything. I'm really happy, but I don't have no one to talk to about this. I just needed to say it out loud that finally I will be happier and be able to make more changes in my life.
| 3 |
Piercings are starting to affect my relationship
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I just want to preface this with I love my partner so much and I don’t have anything against people with piercings. Unfortunately they are starting to affect my relationship and me more than I thought. My partner is essentially addicted to piercings and for the past year they have gotten multiple genital piercings, nipple piercings, naval piercing, face, ear, etc. Even when they reject or heal badly. They’ll just get them re-pierced. At first I was super supportive. But it’s starting to affect me more than I anticipated. I’m super affectionate and I hate not being able to hug or cuddle. Most recently it’s been affecting our sex life. I hate that there is constantly something in the way of our physical intimacy. My partner is the love of my life and I want to be with them forever. So, I’m not going to leave them over it. But it realllllyyyyyyyy fucking sucks😭😭😭
| 3 |
Reported stepdad for threatening me
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Today was one of the most scariest days of my life.
My stepdad had threatened me more than once. But enough was enough. Especially how he made indirect threats which involved 'to shoot'. I spoke with the police.
Regardless of my mom defending her husband (as always), I betrayed the last of my loyalty with her and went ahead and reported him. Me and her haven't exchanged words since.
| 2 |
Permission
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My bff has been planning to propose to his gf but he’s going back and forth between getting permission from her father. do you think that he should stick to the traditional way or not??
| 2 |
I can’t do this anymore
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I’m so confused and I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to keep living. I hate myself and I don’t want this brain anymore. It keeps thinking and thinking and it’s too much for my body. I don’t want to like girls. I don’t want to be a lesbian. But I fucking love women so much I want to die. I love girls so much. And I hate it.
I wish I could wake up and be a boy. I want to be a boy. If I was a boy I could love and marry a girl and be happy and free and my parents would stay and wouldn’t leave me again but I’m not a boy and that’s the worse thing ever. I keep praying and praying that Allah will take this pain off of me and I can be free to live in a way that’s widely accepted but I know its fucking pointless cuz I’ve loved girls before I knew what romance was. When I learnt what the term bisexual meant at 6 I rushed to beg Allah-t’aalaa if he could grant me the opportunity to be Bisexual so I’d be able to love girls but still marry a man to make my mother happy. Yet, I’m here now, with the skin of my face raw and torn, stinging from fucking tears. I feel so pathetic.
I feel so unworthy. I am not a good Muslim and I will never be one. I’m too fucking selfish and put my needs in front of salvation and I hate it but refuse to change it and that’s the worse part. I want to fix my behaviours but I fucking can’t. I can’t wear hijaab cuz of my stupid fucking sensory issues. Whenever I try I end up clawing my scalp till blood drips down my forehead and my fingers are a bloody mess and it hurts because I don’t want to do this stuff but I can’t help it. I can’t read Qur’an like the others because I always stutter and my teacher and parents make fun of me and beat me for it. They scolded me daily for my inability to recite clear sentences because of the anxiety dripping down my tongue and whenever I would stutter they’d beat me till I was a crying mess and then beat me more for my tears. I loved reading the Qur’aan so much, so fucking much and yet I can’t look at a single word anymore and it makes me want to kill myself for being so selfish. I can’t even fucking fast during Ramadaan because it hurts so much and I feel so sick I almost pass out after not eating for just 4 hours and I hate it so much. I hate how I’m just making excuses for my laziness. I hate myself. I hate how much I don’t want to quit loving women. I hate how I’m scared to be sent to conversion therapy back home cuz I don’t want to relive being raped again. I hate how I keep having hope that I’ve just been confused bcuz of my assault and that this is all a mistake when I feel these feelings existed before then. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I understand that being 15 isn’t that old but I feel like I’ve lived enough for a lifetime. I don’t want to kill myself anymore but I don’t feel worthy of living. I hope that somehwrrw my mother has been blessed with a daughter that actually sees herself as a woman; a daughter who isn’t selfish enough to put their desires first. I want to be fixed. I wish I wasn’t a lesbian. I wish I wasn’t autistic. I wish I could fulfull my mamas wishes. I wish I could try harder. I’m so sorry and may I be granted forgiveness Allah t’aalaa. I’m sorry for failing to be a worthy Muslim and I understand I am not worthy of that rank. I’m sorry for not being able to follow you. I’m sorryy mama I hope you forgove me one day. I’m sorry for thinking this way. I’m sorry you had to sacrifixe so muhx for a pieceof shit like me
I want to be held. I want to be loved. I want my mom to come here and kiss my forehead and caress my cheek and tell me that it’s alright and that she loves me. I miss my mama. I miss the way she used to look at me before she found out. Whenever I see the digust in her eyes, it feels like a stab to my soul. I’m sorry for my selfishness
| 1 |
Scared of death really badly
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This is starting to effect my daily life, mostly my sleep. I can’t stop thinking about it and it scares me so bad that when I’m falling asleep I’ll jerk awake and freak out thinking I’m dying. Idk how to overcome this fear and that makes it even scarier knowing I might just live the rest of my life scared. It doesn’t help that I have chest pain constantly (costochondritis and gastritis) not dangerous but still doesn’t make this fear any better.
| 0 |
Broke up with the love of my life
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Context:
I met this girl before covid and we instantly hit off we weren’t sure of the relationship back then and pretty soon we had to do long distance and she felt lonely so she wanted to hook up with other people and I had said ok and so she did. Later on I realised it wasn’t for me and we weren’t ready to talk about it but soon after we got back together and started living together. She met a couple guys and it happened again and I couldn’t handle it so she said she won’t be doing it again and we had to take therapy and all kinds of shit. We were doing pretty good since then and recession hit and I lost my job I felt pretty low and we’ve had a rocky but pretty good relationship. I got a couple opportunities which I declined because I wanted to stay with her and things got worse over time and I pretty much had to take an offer for a job in another city. I had to move temporarily. She said we’d do fine and she’d meet her friends and stuff while I was away and manage it. She has lot of attention issues because of parental abuse and neglect and what not. But I agreed to it. This whole hooking up thing had been bugging me for 2 whole years and I was one foot out the door always.
Cut to yesterday I had just moved to the new city and it’s been just two days. She said she found someone online and was gonna meet him. I thought nothing of it. We both have anxiety and she didn’t text me all night I felt something was off and past came haunting back, no sleep no food and I was pretty fucked. She then texted me in the morning saying she was attracted to him because he got her flowers and they hooked up. I was out of my mind. I told her I didn’t wanna talk to her or see her any more. She kept saying how much I meant to her and that she loved me to the ends of world and so did I but I couldn’t take this anymore so I was stuck on breaking up.
I’m feeling awfully low and I can’t concentrate on shit and I keep overthinking. My life feels pointless and empty. All the things I did for her all the rough times we had to endure and the fun times it keeps bugging me I feel like I’ve sacrificed my life for a person who doesn’t care or validate me. I have no one to talk to and honesty feel like running away from everything or killing myself( I wouldn’t tho). I’m not able to get my head straight and think of what I wanna do next. Everything that I cared for everything that I planned for everything that I dreamt of all in drains so fast. I feel extremely scared and lonely I wish I had someone to talk to about my day about my experiences. Someone to laugh with and cry to all gone .
Life seems hopeless and dark
| 6 |
My boyfriend forgets about me when his friends come over
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I know I'm just being overly sensitive but he asks if one friend can come over and I say yes, then he says okay then other fired is coming over too and I'm like great, because I get off work and just want to come home and be alone in peace and quiet. But his friends stay for hours, even if you tell them to leave it takes them another hour to get ready. They all have ADHD so they just get loud and talk about a bunch of nonsense, and there's no room to talk. Not to mention we have 3 chairs in our gaming room, so when he has two friends over, I can't even try to be in the room with them. I just want to smoke some weed and go to sleep after working today but my only hope is that my boyfriend suddenly remembers I exist and asks me if I want to smoke. I even picked up pizza for them today. These motherfuckers wouldn't even tell me where they placed the order or when it would be done. I asked and asked but he says 'oh I typed it out and forgot to hit send,' bro. I am picking up food for YOU, food I won't even be eating, food that I gave to drive out of my way to pick up. I ended up having to just hope and pray they placed the order at Papa John's. They're lucky I was right because if they hadn't placed it there I was not about to stop at every fucking pizza place to figure out which one these idiots placed the order for.
| 2 |
Should I break Up With Girlfriend
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Should I break up with my gf. We’ve dated for around 7-8 months, but don’t really hang out much, only really on the weekends if possible and hardly ever go out on dates. We usually just stay in for movies. I don’t feel super sexually fulfilled and i feel i am less attracted to her as I used to. I also often feel like i don’t have enough to offer to her, and sometimes it feels like she initiates kissing usually. The thing is i’m terrified of breaking up. We get along for the most part and I feel a connection to her. I also believe she may take it horribly. Thoughts?
| 1 |
I'm tired of hating myself
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Hi all! I have always had bad issues with hating how my body specifically looks. I've never been "skinny" but I've also never been an unhealthy weight either. My weight has fluctuated a lot, however.
I'm at a point now where I hate taking photos of myself/seeing myself in photos and even though I know making different lifestyle choices would help me lose weight, I know that after losing the weight I'll still hate my body. I just don't know what to do. It's never been this bad and it's really starting to take a toll on me. I'm sick of feeling this way about myself. Is there anyone who has gone through this that has advice for me? :(
| 1 |
naiinggit ako sa mga magbabakasyon kong relatives
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(sorry repost kasi nalagyan ko ng nsfw tag sksk)
Halos lahat ng relatives ko umuwi probinsya. May family celebration naman kasi. E kami? Hindi makauwi mahal pamasahe sa barko, land transpo pa. I admit, mahal naman talaga. Parang sasabog dibdib ko sa inggit kasi hanggang ngayon school related works pa rin ginagawa ko.
Hindi kami makauwi kasi bawal mag-leave sa trabaho tatay ko. Nanay ko lang uuwi. May dalawa pa akong elementary graders na kapatid na ayoko naman iwan para lang makauwi sa probinsya. Pero yung totoo paiyak na ako kasi gusto ko rin umuwi kasama family ko. Iniisip ko pa nga kung gagastusin ko na ba ipon ko for this. Pero isasama ko malamang yung mga kapatid ko at maiiwan si papa.
| 0 |
TW:SA // My friend is defending/making excuses for a predator
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Throwaway because I hate the thought of people irl finding my account.
I (f22) out for dinner with a good friend (f22) tonight. Well call her E. We’ve been friends for nearly a decade. We’ve had our rough patches but I love her and I do really really value our friendship. She’s been through a lot in the past few years, which is part of why I feel so conflicted about all of this.
Long story short, about 2 years ago, a guy (21m at the time) who we’ll call L was accused by multiple women of sexual assault. I don’t know any of the details because it wasn’t my business, but I’m under the impression that he’d been sexually abusive in past relationships with them.
E and her friends cut him off immediately… or so I thought.
Today I learned that E had tried to give him the benefit of a doubt, even though all signs were pointing toward him being a manipulative liar. For the sake of brevity I won’t list the signs but they were pretty much irrefutable. You don’t have 10+ women accusing you of assault if you’re a nice respectful guy.
Any way, I guess E didn’t take it very seriously at all. He told her he didn’t do it. In her words, not mine, he’s either a master manipulator worthy of an Oscar for his performance, or he’s an innocent guy who doesn’t deserve any of this.
She also proceeded to make excuses, like “maybe he enters a fugue state where he blacks out during sex, assaults his partners, then wakes up with no recollection.” She proceeded to say that the way her friends cut him off was too abrupt and unfair, and had the nerve to throw out the topic if “cancel culture,” saying that separating themselves from him was “violent” as if we aren’t talking about him literally committing violent, heinous acts. She repeatedly painted him as this great guy, said stuff about how he was too respectful of his female friends to actually be a rapist, etc. But at the same time, I guess she’d encouraged him to make apologies and to try to repair the things he had done???? So it’s also like a part of her believes that he DID do it…. But that she thinks apologizing would make him a changed man and that it would make up for the horrors and abuse he inflicted on other people.
I’m just infuriated. I’m the moment I just smiled and nodded through the conversation as she kept talking but I was livid. I didn’t have words. It was jarring.
Years ago, I had confided in her twice about two different assaults that I’d been through. While they weren’t violent or extreme, they were still bad enough that I’ve been left with some trauma. Her response to one that had happened the day before was to shrug, say “oh,” and scroll on her phone. Her response to the other was to chuckle at it and kinda just brush it off as “something weird that weird person from high school did.”
Now, looking back, these feel like they should have been signs that maybe she doesn’t take the issue of sexual assault very seriously. I always would have considered her to be someone who’s really passionate about advocating for victims but now I feel so conflicted and confused. And I’m disgusted. She hasn’t had contact with him since that all went down, but the way she talked so positively about him was awful. I genuinely felt nauseous while talking to her.
Maybe I’m just a bit triggered. Assault is a sensitive topic for me. But wtf. I’m just so mad. E is one of my longest friends and I love her but I’ve just lost so much respect for her. I have no plans to discuss this with her any time soon but my god I will need some time to process how I’m feeling after that conversation.
| 1 |
i stopped sucking a pacifier at 17
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(TRIGGER WARNING MENTIONS SA, GR00MING, AND SU1CID3)
basically what the title says lol, its embarrassing and humiliating. i find myself ruining my self esteem over it and it haunts me. i am still currently 17 but i turn 18 soon, i quit about 1-2 months ago after doing it all my life. i have crippling anxiety, ive been to the er twice cause of it. i hadnt ever truly quit a pacifier and my parents didnt rlly try hard enough to get me to stop, i never rlly cared what other people thought because i hadnt told anyone and it was only ever done privately but that changed when i told my ex that i used one and planned on quitting because i was becoming an adult soon. his reaction was a mix between supportive and completely disgusted (which i dont blame him for) he claimed i was as bad as a pedo which crushed me and i couldn’t even look in the mirror for a bit, i cried all the time. i didnt use the pacifier for age regression or age play and he was very aware of how much i was against age play as i had been groomed by someone into ddlg, you get the point. i wont go into too much detail of my childhood but my birth father pretended like i didnt exist before he finally left me when i was 2, and my birth mom wasn’t ready to take care of a baby so i had to be raised by my grandparents, i was a victim of child on child sa at 3, my uncle killed himself just a week before my birthday when i was 4. i heard and saw some pretty horrible things during my childhood before finally moving when i was abt 5-6. i am so caught up in being worried about still being perceived as weird for how i used to cope, i think about it constantly. i quit mainly because its bad for your teeth but also because of how weird i felt and how someone could think of me in such a disgusting way because of it despite me not even feeling comfortable talking to anyone who’s below 16. im hoping getting it off my chest will ease these feelings and make me realize im no longer weird lol.
| 2 |
Supposed to start my senior year in fall but I don’t think that’ll ever happen now
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Being the oldest is great until you’re the oldest yet the dumbest. Knowing you can’t help your younger siblings with hw. It’s a horrible feeling. Seeing them constantly get 90’s is bittersweet you feel proud but ashamed that wasn’t ever you.
I’m constantly setting new records of failure in my family.
I never get to come home excited about my grades I only get to come home to release my tears from school. I’ve basically failed math every single year of highschool so far.
I’ve been shamed so much with math that really it’s my only bully. I’ve been asked.
This year things finally started to look a bit better ( all too late though) I finally stopped thinking of math as being so daunting I would spend every single lunch I could with my math teacher and after school too.
I’d wake up at 4 I’d stay up if need be and I began to absolutely adore math. However as I said it was too late and I still failed again.
Now I genuinely don’t have an ounce of hope for myself. The only career math I wanted was as a math teacher but since the door to that is shut. I don’t believe I’ll bother going to school next year.
Ik it sounds like I’m just giving up but truthfully it’s beyond tiring like this so many setback’s and pushbacks and tears. For how many years now
| 2 |
I just got denied entry into Peru
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Hopefully this is the right sub. I just wanted to tell someone. I flew to Peru yesterday with my wife. We showed our passports, everything seemed good but then the lady said my passport expires at the end of September. That it needs to be valid 6 months AFTER I leave. I was staying until mid August so I figured I was good to go.
So that was it. My wife got in and I flew back home. I now have 5 weeks off. I'm alone in my house and missing all the fun things we had planned. I realize that without my wife, I don't even know how I'm going to eat!
| 2 |
I know there is something severely wrong with me.
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All my life, I have exhibited odd behaviors, especially to my family and secretly towards my friends. It started as a kid. I had sort of a troubled child hood. My father was not apart of my life and because of this growing up was really different for me, especially when we would make father’s day gifts and I was the only kid without a gift on my table. Many other kids went through similar things but the reason my father wasn’t in my life affected me a lot more. When I didn’t get what I wanted, nobody did. As bad as it seems, sometimes I would even secretly hurt my dog. I felt bad afterwards, but as I grew up I continued to wonder why I did that even though I felt bad afterwards. I was also abnormally smart, having college level test scores while I was in elementary school. I would throw temper tantrums over little things, but I would always somehow feel bad afterwards, and I still do. The thing is, I was a well disciplined child, but I still did these things, and almost never got away with it. As a teenager, I never felt anything towards my best friends, if anything I would get mad and I wouldn’t care if we stopped being friends. And overall, I just felt no emotions, none whatsoever. And as crazy as this may sound, only my boyfriend at the time could make me feel emotions. The only emotions I ever really felt were anger and guilt, but he changed it for me. I started to feel more happy, but what came with it was jealousy. When we broke up, I started to feel empty inside and I began to feel something I never felt before, which was depression. It actually made me snap out of the feeling I had my whole life of feeling nothing but anger and guilt. I felt sad, and I lost interest in everything I used to like, and for once I began to realize how shitty I had been my whole life. I felt better after a few months, and even though this was a long time ago, I changed. I don’t know how, but I started to feel happy, and I still feel that emptiness sometimes of not caring about other people, but I don’t feel it as much. I don’t try to hurt others around me, but the only thing that still lingers is the fact I am always bored, which sucks.
(Disclaimer I am in therapy and I have been before)
| 3 |
everything is terrible, I'm alone and tired
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This has been the hardest year of my life and I have diagnosed PTSD from my childhood so I always thought I'd get through everything.
Me and my parents had been living with my grandparents for the past 4 years, end of last year my grandfather who had been suffering from cancer died. It felt surreal and I moved out January in hopes of a calmer environment bc my parents started fighting a lot. Unrelated to the fights myom had to get a hysterectomy around April, it went very bad and she was in coma for two weeks. I couldn't study for uni at all and failed my semester bc I was beside her bed everyday all day. My dad told me he's disappointed I failed and that my mom would want to wake up to me doing well. Soon after my mom woke up my grandma passed away as well. This time both my grandparents's deaths hit me at once.
My mom still has trouble walking and I'm constantly anxious something will happen again. During all this my very toxic Boyfriend of two years cheated on me (I'm guessing bc I was very emotionally unavailable) he broke up with me last month with the reasoning that I didn't trust him and it's exhausting. I know I should've left when he cheated but he was all I had.
I had isolated myself from friends bc I had no energy and even now when I reach out they're bitter that I was so distant before and many said they don't feel important in our friendship and don't wanna keep it up and o respect that.
My poor poor lovely cat died yesterday, she jumped out of my window after a little bird.
It was my dad's birthday today and I had to put on my best smile but now I'm so tired, so exhausted I genuinely have no one.
When I the doctor told me there's nothing they can do for my cat I desperately needed someone to call and vent andd the was NOONE who I could think of and I called two random friends from uni in desperation who didn't answer or call back till now.
Haven't I given enough god? I truly don't know what to do anymore, I barely feel my antidepressants and a new appointment is a pain to get.
There's so much more going on in my head but it does matter.
I don't even expect people to read this. Especially bc I'm posting at 4 am... I just need to get this all out I'm so frustrated and have noone to talk to. So Reddit it is.
I'm sorry I vented so much
| 2 |
Diagnosed Bipolar
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Just diagnosed with BPD
Hi. I (39m) was just officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I'm not sure what to do next. I talked to my girlfriend about it but she is really against meds and it was more exhausting talking to her than anything. But I don't know if I'm just being overly sensitive.
I'm afraid of how to, or if I should, tell my family like my ex wife and kids (17 and 15). Like on the one hand I feel like I'm making things about me, but on the other hand I feel like they have a right to know why I was the way I was.
Also, I'm gonna have to tell the military and probably get separated after 16 years...which Im kinda ready to go but Its been apart of me for most of my adult life. It feels like I'm loosing a big oart of my life.
| 1 |
So unfair
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I always help people and do favors for them and oftentimes, things turn out great for others because of my help. However, people can’t seem to do the same for me. I know people try to care, but usually the things they do don’t end up helping me at all. I often sense that some of them are being insincere about helping me.
I just think it’s so unfair. Why do others end up with good things because of me and I’m usually left to do things on my own?
| 1 |
i did something horrible when i was younger and i deserve to die
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trigger warning ———— sexual themes. i appreciate anyone who reads this. i don’t know what to do anymore.
i can’t remember how old i was. i feel like i can’t trust my mind. i’ve tried to think really hard but i just can’t remember some things, so my brain try’s and fill in the gaps. it’s horrible. i feel like i’m repressing things, and i’m scared that there’s other things that i’ve done that i just don’t remember. but i’ll talk about what i do remember.
if i had to guess i would say i was between the ages of 11 to 13. i hope i wasn’t any older, i hope that what i’m about to share only happened once. i feel disgusted with myself, i feel like an awful big sister. i don’t deserve the good things in life, i don’t deserve anything.
i don’t remember how it started, or if i told him to not say anything. i hope i didn’t. but i remember french kissing my brother who’s four years younger than me, and saying something like “say sexy music when u want to kiss” or something like that. i can only remember that one time, but i’m scared there may have been more that i’m just not remembering for whatever reason.
then, when i was younger (i believe younger than what i first mentioned. probably in grade school) , i was on vacation. i remember my brother told me that if u touched yourself downstairs, that it felt good. so i did, next to him that night while he was asleep. i know that there was no intent of it being sexual, i was just curious. but the fact that he was next to me makes me feel absolutely disgusted with myself.
i hate myself so much. i don’t know why i did it. i was a very sheltered child, grew up strictly christian. i was abused online by older men, and groomed when i was twelve. everything i learned about sexuality was from them. i know that i didn’t fully understand what i was doing because if i did i wouldn’t have done it. curiosity is normal, but i should have known better.
i’m 18 now, and these memories have been flooding my mind. i cant stop thinking about the what ifs. what if there’s something else that i don’t remember? what if i hurt someone else as a child unintentionally? what if i harmed my brother for the rest of his life?
i haven’t been able to sleep, to eat, to drink, to take care of myself. i’ve pushed everyone away. i don’t deserve the love they have for me, i’m a monster. i cant forgive myself, i don’t deserve to. what if time goes on and he remembers things that i don’t, or he admits that what i did, did hurt him? i wouldn’t be able to live with myself. my brother is so intelligent, way more intelligent than me. he’s quiet but kind. he deserves the best that life can offer, and i feel like i ruined that for him. i never wanted to hurt my brother.
i’ve been so out of it, i feel as if i don’t deserve to live. me living is just bringing pain i fear. i don’t know what to do anymore. i hope every night that i get taken in my sleep, but i wake up every time. i’ve talked to my parents about it because they were worried about me. i love my parents, they say that it’s normal, and that children experiment but i just can’t believe them.
i’m in therapy, but haven’t talked about these things specifically yet because i’m not going to lie, i’m scared. i deserve to die.
thanks for reading this i’m sorry it’s long, i just needed to write things out. i’m so tired of myself, my mind, my past actions. i feel horrible every single day for what i did.
| 3 |
I hate my child molester brother
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i (21f) have an older brother (29m) who has been the cause of many of my current mental struggles. let me make something clear; i come from a very loving family and they’ve always been supportive of me. that being said, it’s clear my older brother is everyone’s favorite. he’s perfect in every way; perfect teeth, perfect eyes, school valedictorian, law degree, etc. however, from a very young age (i was maybe 3) he would molest me every night. he would wait until everyone in the house was a sleep and would sneak into my room to abuse me inappropriately. i learned early on that if i pretended to be asleep, it would happen quicker. as time went on he would get more confident and touch me at family gatherings or when our mom was in the room. one of my first memories was being molested on a family vacation. that’s so disturbing. he would threaten me and convinced me that no one would believe me if i said anything because he was the favorite. the abuse went on until i was about 13 when he moved out. to this day no one in my family knows, and i still see him almost monthly at family events. his abuse has given me diagnosed ptsd, depression, and anxiety. i also have a binge eating disorder since food was the only way i had control. as of recently, i’ve been seeing a nutritionist to better myself, and i’ve lost 24lbs within my first month and a half of working with my doctor. im really thinking about this a lot this week since my immediate family (mom, grandma, and aunt) and my brother are in hawaii for my 21st birthday. two days ago we were all in the resort’s pool, and my brother was trying to dunk me and get my braids wet. i stood my ground so i don’t smell like a wet dog, and since his scrawny body couldn’t move me, he screams “wow you really are fat”. ik something stupid like that shouldn’t bother me, but i just absolutely broke down later that night. just knowing the person who ruined my life still has the ability to destroy me like that infuriates me. i want to be strong and fearless, but sometimes it’s so hard. there’s not a single day that goes by where i don’t think about the abuse. he’s currently dating a woman with a young son, and i fear for the child’s safety sometimes. idk if i want advice or if i just wanted to rant, but thanks for listening anyways.
| 41 |
Toxic mother issues (TW: mentions of self harm, SA, & suicide ideation)
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This is a long one, I'll stick a TL;DR at the end. TW due to referencing how I got pregnant, and what my child's been up to.
.
I (37f) was raised by an exceedingly toxic mother (TM, 68f), who gaslit me, abused me financially and emotionally, and ran a thirty-plus year campaign to alienate myself and my younger brother from our dad, whom she divorced when I was around 19. (It's taken years, but my dad and I now have a great relationship.)
I relied on her for everything, due to mental health conditions and, after awhile, physical disabilities (chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia). She took the entirety of my ESA, demanded half my DLA, and when I took my Master's degree (remotely) she wanted over half of my student loan. I honestly believe she has a spending problem, as she's *always* buying new (and pointless) things.
So, onto the rant.
When I was 25 I was sexually assaulted (on my birthday of all bloody days) and wound up pregnant. I was coerced by my aforementioned TM into keeping the baby (my plan had been adoption). For the first two-and-a-half hellish years (no exaggeration; my kid needed surgery, had cholic, and violent night terrors) I was a single mum, even though I was living with TM as my carer. Everything that needed doing with my kid was done by me - even though throughout the pregnancy TM had sworn we would do everything together. She would frequently promise to give me the chance to nap during the day (I'm not exaggerating when I say I was averaging about three hours every night) but always had a reason why she couldn't ("oh, I'm sorry, I overslept" or "I had a stomach ache" or "I had a migraine" etc etc etc). I was so sleep-deprived that *my kid's* doctor pointed it out as a concern to him, and rushed a referral through to the sleep clinic. Unfortunately unhelpful (TM overruled all the advice from the clinic as soon as we got home) but the thought was heartwarming to me.
As soon as the nighttime issues - eventually - subsided, TM swooped in. I wasn't able to parent my child the way I planned, as any rule or boundary I put in place was overridden by her ("I've already raised two children of my own, and helped raise two others. *I know* what I'm doing."). Our relationship (mine and TM's, and mine and my child's) started deteriorating rapidly.
Fast forward a few years and I meet, then get together with, my now-fiancée. She's an amazing woman, whose child is now in their 20's and is an absolute gem of a human being. I'm not exaggerating when I say she saved me, and my relationship with my child. We moved in together, and became a little family (her, myself, and my child, as hers stayed in their hometown for college). Things were a little rocky initially, as my child had to settle into a new life, but things smoothed out. They were excited for our marriage, and the fact that my fiancée loved them enough to want to adopt them.
Then TM started her campaign against us.
+ She reported us to social services on more than one occasion (info verified by my child, whom she told).
+ Told me to my face - more than once - that I'm an unfit mother.
+ She told my child frequently that I was parenting them "wrong" (again, information verified by my child).
+ Frequently gaslit my child into thinking that *they* had done something wrong every time *she* threw a fit over their crappy behaviour.
+ Literally bought my child's favour by purchasing them anything and everything they wanted, whenever they wanted (something that a disabled mother on Universal Credit like me just can't do).
+ Taught my child that material gifts were the "true" proof of love.
+ Turned my maternal family - including my beloved little brother - against me.
That's just a small selection, but I'm sure you get the picture. Life was *awful*; my child treated both myself and my fiancée like crap, said downright vicious things, the works.
After a few years of this I said "fuck it" and went completely no contact with TM. It wasn't overnight, but the change in my child was *immense*. The arguments simmered down to the usual kind families have, they were interacting with us, they were once again excited at the prospect of my marriage and their adoption by my fiancée. It wasn't a perfect life, but it was *lovely*. Friends of the family commented on how different my child was, what a pleasure they were to be around.
Then I get a thick paper package in the mail. TM filed a child abuse case with the court, claiming that I was emotionally and mentally abusing my child, and that she was suing for custody. I fell apart mentally and emotionally, but kept myself going (I mean, I had a kid, what else was I going to do?). I gathered up the evidence of TM's toxic behaviour, statements from different family friends about how my child's behaviour and attitude had changed drastically for the better since their lack of contact with TM, everything I could.
At the first hearing, even with all the evidence presented, the judge decided to let TM pursue the case. His entire attitude throughout was "you womenfolk should be sorting this out between yourselves rather than wasting the court's time", but hey, he was an older gent from a different generation, so I cut him some slack on that bit.
We had a family court child officer come to talk to myself (as the accused), my child, and TM (as the accuser). Again, I shared evidence showing that I didn't do any of the things I was accused of, and explained that I was genuinely concerned that TM's presence in my child's life would be detrimental to them.
TM, in turn, claimed she only wanted visitation rights and that I was detrimental to my child's wellbeing. I'm not sure exactly what my child said when interviewed, though I was made aware they were interested in seeing TM so they could get things and see the family cats.
Off to the final hearing. Judge opines that he feels children should be able to spend time with their grandparents (we see my dad regularly, and my soon-to-be-in-laws as often as possible, given they aren't local) because it's important for a child to have a relationship with their grandparents (which, again, my child *had*. Just not with TM).
He then asked TM if she was willing to drop the case. TM told him she was still filing for custody. He asked me the same question, and obviously I told him I would not be handing my child over to TM. Judge then explained that since we couldn't come to a compromise, the case would have to go to a full jury trial. TM enthusiastically agreed.
Like hell was I putting my child through a jury trial, so I - unwillingly - conceded that TM could see my child, with conditions: she wasn't to have my child for multiple nights, and that she was to stop defaming myself and my fiancée. Long story short, she ended up being granted overnight stays every other weekend, a week over the Christmas period, and two weeks during the summer holidays.
Since my child has been seeing TM again, the little family relationship we had has shattered. My child is self-harming, acting out at school, has started stealing things from myself and my fiancée, and admitted to me that they've been considering unaliving themselves. The relationship between my fiancée and my child has deteriorated to the point that they barely interact, and when they *do* it's usually an argument, and *my* relationship with my child is rocky af and filled with lies (on my child's part). TM has returned to overruling any and all of the rules I put in place, including the one where I said under no circumstances was my child to own a practice balisong/butterfly knife. Guess who bought one for my then-11-year-old's Christmas present? 🙄
To make things more difficult, my child is 12 and going through puberty, *and* has discovered they're trans. Balancing that, with the self-harming, and the cruel way she's treating myself and my fiancée, and we're at our wits end. We don't have the money to take TM back to court to contest the ruling, and I'm bound by the court order not to badmouth TM or keep her from seeing my child. TM is bound by the same order, but I'd bet my life on the fact she isn't honouring it.
I'm honestly at a loss as to what to do. My family is falling down around my ears and there doesn't seem to be a single thing I can do to stop it.
TL;DR - my toxic mother is systematically destroying mine and my fiancée's relationship with my trans child, and thanks to a court order I can't get her out of our lives, even though her presence is literally destroying my child's mental health.
| 2 |
I don't like how my bf has changed
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Me and my bf have been dating for a couple of years and but this year he feels like a different person.
I miss how he used to be. He doesn't seem as caring anymore. For example today I was crying because I put a lot of effort into this thing that might end up being a scam, and when I told him how upset I was feeling he didn't comfort me like how he would in the past. He would probably say things like "It is okay", and "Didn't you at least have fun doing the thing" or "We don't know if it's a scam yet", but this time while I was crying he was saying "I told you so" and "obviously it is a scam that's how they make their money", so instead reassuring me he made me feel dumb. when I tried to express to him that I didn't feel loved by saying "You hate me" he then said "You know I love you right" and took it as an attack on his character and then while I was crying he berated me for saying that. I understand it wasn't the perfect word choice but he kept on going and saying how rude that was while I kept crying and told me I had to apologize but then he said it was too late and left. I feel like he is now sick of me, which is why he has been acting so cold.
I don't know if I love the current him or I'm just hoping he'd return to how he used to be because I fell in love with that caring person who helped me at my lowest, not the person he has become.
| 0 |
I made a scrapbook for my gf and i’s Anniversary and I want to say something so badly
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Just to preference I don’t want her to know I even made a new account for this damn post
I need to get this out of my system I have been dating my gf (23) for almost two years our two year anniversary is in two weeks (I am 19 and female if that makes a difference I don’t think it really does ) we met online during the pandemic and met irl as friends in 2021 and just kinda went from there we diddnt move in together til I was of age to (we wanted to play it safe but this isn’t what this is about) I moved in with her and her family two months before our first anniversary and due to some irl circumstances and family matters it led to us becoming a young broke couple just trying to get through a economy shattered by the pandemic. The least I can say is that year I wasn’t able to get her more then some flowers a chocolate and a card. This year I want it to be different I’m not gonna do anything huge by any means but I want it to show my love ya know? So here’s my plan I grabbed a spare sketch book ( if your an artist you’ll know how big of a sacrifice a clean sketchbook is) and I just wrote everything down I wrote about all the different ways I love her and every single detail down to her daily routine ( I have the note memorized but for safety concern and privacy reasons I will not be sharing it at this time) I also made the opportunity to turn the other pages into a scrap book and I’m gonna print out dozens and dozens of photos of us and our little cute notes she has written me. I hope she does like it, I don’t even care if I get dirt or dust as a make up gift I want her to like it.
| 1 |
My first boyfriend kinda sucked.
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I (17F) am lesbian. I always have been, and I always will be. I need to get this out of the way now because NO ONE in my actual life seems to believe me. I’m also Asexual, meaning I don’t experience any sexual attraction towards anyone. (The idea of sex gives me the heebie-jeebies).
So I’ve technically had two boyfriends, but the first one I barely count as anything because we were just best friends with a label. We still are best friends and we laugh about it all the time. But this is besides the point. I’m gonna talk about my actual first (and only) boyfriend when I was 14 years old.
So this guy and I (for simplicity and privacy, I’ll just call him J) live in the same condo complex. J is a year older than me, so that makes him 15 during this story. One of his best friends, M, was in my grade and we became close friends before I met J. J was homeschooled so I never met him in person for like 3 months. M and J wanted to hang out with me for the leap year, so we went to M’s house to watch a movie and hang out.
On February 29, 2020, my best friend, S, attempted to kill herself while I was with these people. I sobbed into J’s chest while this was all going down because she sent me videos of the whole ordeal. This was obviously really traumatic. J and I became really close after this happened because he was the only person I could actually go to about it.
Directly after this, the world shut down and we went into a world wide quarantine. M and J became two of my only friends at the time because the only people I was hanging out with (besides S) weren’t the greatest people. This was around the time Discord became really popular again so the three of us would stay up all night on VC and make each other laugh.
J and I became extremely close during quarantine. But we weren’t able to see each other because he moved down to Florida for quarantine (I live in New Jersey for reference). Around May 2020, we started officially dating. It was hard since we were long distance but we managed to get through it together.
I started to get uncomfortable really fast into the relationship because he’d ask to see my body (which I never complied to tyvm) and tell me some inappropriate things he had dreams about and thought about me. I’m think I’m slightly at fault for not expressing my discomfort with this behavior. But it really got bad during the summer because he started having suicidal thoughts.
Since I wasn’t close to him, I couldn’t comfort him in person. But I’d text him the entire time and try to help him through it the best I could. I pulled out all of the same lines I used when S tried killing herself earlier that year. At the time it worked, but it started getting a lot worse around June.
There was one night in particular I think of whenever I think about this relationship. I was out with some friends because I started to come out of my shell again and it was safe to be around people again outside. We were watching a movie in my friend’s backyard when J sent me a video of the top of a building. The caption read “splat”.
Immediately, I knew he was in danger. I texted him non-stop asking him if he was okay, switching between social media and iMessages to make sure he saw it. He started sending me pictures of his legs dangling off high bridges and buildings with cryptic captions. I ended up texting his mom because I didn’t trust him not to hurt himself.
The people I was with at the time comforted me because they realized this was the second time in one year someone was sending me their final messages.
J didn’t talk to me for a few days after that because he was pissed at me for telling his mom he was suicidal, but I’m way more glad to be safe than sorry. He stopped sending pictures of the things he’d do but sent told me what he’d do. I’d still receive messages like “I did something bad” and “you’d never believe the view from here” and “about to join Juice Wrld”. Nothing I wasn’t used to at that point (which is a red flag I was looking passed).
Eventually, I decided enough was enough. I forgot to mention that I got outed to him by our other mutual friend, G, before we started dating. I identified as Bisexual at the time because I was still trying to convince myself I liked men. I couldn’t keep lying to myself and officially came out as lesbian to some of my friends, including S. S was extremely supportive of this because she HATED J from the moment I first mentioned him.
I broke up with J in July 2020, a few days after our 3 month anniversary. I’ll also admit I was definitely at fault for his reaction because I definitely worded the break up wrong. I told him I needed a break from the relationship to discover myself because I was figuring out my sexuality and I didn’t think I liked men. I think he took it like I needed a break from the relationship because he didn’t give me room to grow. We “ended” on good terms, agreeing to remain friends but not be as close.
About a month later, after not really talking that much other than occasionally checking in on each other, he texted me at 4:20 am (deadass). It was just a picture of him smiling, saying “happy 4 month anniversary”. I was obviously incredibly confused. I was sleeping over at my friends house so I woke her up and she proceeded to go on about how she hated him and how I needed to properly end things with him. I wrote a long bullet point list of things I needed to say to him and called the next day to end the relationship for good. I can’t remember what exactly was said but I remember talking about how we had different definitions of “a break”, how I was a lesbian, how this definitely wasn’t gonna be good for either of us to continue, and how I still cared about him but I couldn’t be there for him the way he wanted me to be. He let me speak the entire time and barely interrupted me. We ended the phone call and I THOUGHT we were done from that point on.
I WAS VERY WRONG.
J then proceeded to send me the nastiest, most vile, homophobic, and belittling paragraph known to man. He covered topics ranging from sex, to suicide, to hate crimes, to just straight up bullying me. He blocked my number, all my social medias, and got M and G to block me everywhere too. And the worst part is, he outed me to the rest of my friends. I kept that fact from most of my other friends because most of them weren’t very accepting. They sided with me during all of this because I was going through a lot, but my relationship with most of them was never the same.
And that’s the end of my tragic first relationship story. If you had to take away anything from this, don’t trust ANYONE with a name starting with J. Thanks for listening 🫶
| 1 |
I don't have any lifegoals. I just exist.
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Sorry in advance for any mistakes, english isn't my first language and I'm drunk.
I (29M) just realized that I have no life goals whatsoever. I never had the urge to work towards anything. Most of the time, I just did what was expected of me.
Everyone around me has a plan for their life, and most of them are in happy relationships. And here I am, just sitting around, existing. I always try to be there for my friends and family, even though it doesn't always work out. I always try to appear happy and content on the outside, but in reality, I am just lonely and unhappy. The only one who sometimes sees through my facade is my sister, but even she only scratches the surface.
Over the past few years, I have lost interest in almost all of my hobbies. Yes, I occasionally go to a concert, and video games take up a large part of my free time, but other than that, nothing is happening in my life. I would really like to be in a relationship, but just thinking about it scares me. In fact, pretty much everything scares me. When it comes to making important decisions or taking care of important paperwork, I am paralyzed and unable to get anything done.
Everyone always tells me I'm smart and intelligent, but I haven't believed that for a long time. Everyone always tells me to set goals for myself, but what's the point? In the end, everything falls apart again, just like it always has.
Over the past two years, I have struggled to pull myself out of a deep hole, only to fall back into it now. I'm slowly getting tired of this constant back and forth. I don't know what to do anymore.
| 3 |
My parents found out about my sh
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This is my first time using reddit and its probably something ill never revisit but i just feel like i need to talk about it.
So for some context im a 13 yo female, i have been struggling with sh for roughly the past two years, at first it was unknown to almost everyone until my sister found out. She told me that i should stop but other than that didnt really bring it up. Just this year is when i had the courage to tell me two closest friends, R and C. C could relate to me as they struggle with is as well, but they have told me they have no intention to stop and show pictures of the fresh cuts? Which i thought was messed up but my other friend was fine with it. Aside from that the times i do sh are about usually like a month apart even though they used to be like 3 times a month which i think is getting better. My sister recently saw them again and she demanded what i was using and i gave it to her, i did and am feeling like my mental state is improving That was yesterday, and today after eating dinner i was sitting on the stairs that lead into the living room when my mother is coming up the stairs. I thought i was fully covered but she started trying to lift up the jacket i was wearing soooo she saw them. She started demanding that i show her and was yelling at me to tell her what they where. At first i blamed it on the cat but realized there was no way of it. She then told me to go show my father and when he saw them he was very surprised to say the least. He asked me what i had used and i wasnt thinking straight and said something else since my sister had already taken what i WAS using. I gave that to them and then went upstairs to ball my eyes out. My sister comforted me and was super upset how my mom yelled at me for it. My father then texted me to come and talk to him. He asked if it was the first time and i said it was, (which wasnt true but i didnt wanna be in more trouble) he said that he was suprised i did it, he basically just asked like why and started talked about how he understood i was stressed due to some personal things. Things ended for awhile after i went upstairs in my room to “cool off” aka crying about it. It got to the point where i should say goodnight to my parents and my mother made a comment about how i better not sh if i cant sleep i expressed that it wouldnt happen, my father then threatened to put me in one of those places for people who sh. Which ive heard stories and im afraid of places like that. And now i just feel like my mental state is one of the worst times ive ever gone through and i just needed to say something, i was gonna tell r and c but i just havent and dont know if i will. I really dont want to continue but i feel like this situation made me worse because i felt like i have just gotten out of a bad time.
| 1 |
I think my dad is cheating on my mum and I don’t know what to do or how to feel.
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Basically what the title says.
I’ve moved back home for the summer and I had a feeling when I visited home during the holidays as he would always talk in the middle of the night with someone.
Me and my sibling discussed it but at the time, I weirdly wasn’t that mad.
I guess mainly because I feel that our family history and drama isn’t the same as an average person’s.
My mum is paralysed and has been for the past 5ish years.
Before the incident, she had actually wanted to separate from my dad as she wasn’t entirely happy, I think there was some cheating from her side but I’m not sure entirely. Anyways, my dad convinced her not to leave.
Fast forward to now, they have a good/decent relationship and are sweet with one another but I guess my dad is also lonely due to my mum’s condition which is why I have such conflicting emotions.
My biggest worry is that my mum will find out and be upset as she won’t be able to do anything. She’s a smart and perceptive woman too so I’m worried my dad is being careless.
Also, it feels weird that my mum was the one that wanted to leave and be free but now she’s stuck but my dad gets to do this when he stopped my mum from living her life.
So many emotions.
| 5 |
Credit cards…
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My GF said she would help pay off a credit card I have. I said ok if you want. I didn’t ask her to help in the first place. By the way her credit is shit so I added her on my card for emergencies. She told me not to use the card so we can get it paid off. I found out she is paying on the card but also using it. Does she have a right to tell me not to use it because she is paying it? It is my card in my name but I added her on it to boost her credit score.
| 2 |
I hate any media depicting child/elderly harm
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I want to make it clear that I understand these people can't protect themselves but i have started to feel destain for the reaction to events depicting harm to them. Like this is a made up example but you can get the idea. "Elderly woman is mugged" is turned into "SAVAGE teen ATTACKS and ROBS purse from FRAIL elderly woman"(not saying there shouldn't be detail but they pick words not proper for the situation). Something else I hate is every comment being the same "poor -" "what type of monster could do this to -". I particularly hate this because I feel like some say the obvious and feel like they're being brave "OMG HE SHOULD BE A PRISON ALREADY 🤬" "HE SHOULD GET LIFE". I just find the entire thing as a way to get sympathy points and to boost engagement because everyone gets mad at it
| 2 |
Am I overthinking?
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English is not my first language, so please excuse me if some stuff makes no sense.
This is honestly the last place I can go to but I feel like I’d get judge less here than with my friends.
So here goes, I’m now 26M and I’ve been single for the last 10 years. I’m talking to this one girl and I feel like I’m starting to annoy her.
I’m not saying anything mean or being pushy in anyway but I’m like asking her a question in regards to our upcoming date to know if she’s like me to pick her up and she’s not really answering.
We are sending snaps to one another sometimes but its not like we are snapping everyday.
So I’m not understanding what’s going on.. we were talking somewhat frequently in the beginning but now I feel like she’s pulling back and I’m wondering if it’s cause I did/said something.
I’m genuinely confused, should I just stop messaging her, pull back and wait for our date or should i just continue?
This is my first date since high school. I don’t want to mess anything up.
That’s it. Sorry if I’m not explaining myself properly and just rambling. I’m not sure how to put my feelings and thoughts into words.
| 2 |
Is writing an apology letter to your good friend who’s mad at you and ended the friendship for multiple reasons a good idea?
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I have my best friends birthday gift with me she wasn’t in city on her birthday but now I’m supposed to give that to her tomorrow through my friend because we are not in good terms and she ended our friendship for multiple reasons but I want her to know how deeply sorrowed I am by her decision and by my actions and all I seek for is her forgiveness in the hopes of I don’t lose her as my dear friend, is it a good way to make her understand and realise ?
| 1 |
My sister in law is no longer a good person
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My sisters wife used to be super chill. She got me out of my comfort zone when I first started driving. She used to be fun to talk to and hang out with.
My sister and her wife live a couple states away and a few nights ago my sister showed up by herself with her dog.
My sister in law has been hanging out with the wrong group of people, has been drinking a lot more, not coming home, and claiming that she is too depressed to do anything. Yet she goes out and parties and leaves my sister home by herself.
I never told anybody this next story mainly because I feel dumb for it happening
The last time I saw my sister in law was on a family beach trip. My sister, Her wife, and I were hanging out in the hot tub watching the office. Sister in law suggests we start drinking, my sister didn’t want to and I said sure. My sister told me no and her wife said that it was fine and that she was drinking when she was my age. I don’t remember a lot of that night but I do remember my sister going to bed and it being just me and her wife in the hit tub. I was drinking a glass of champagne and my sister in law was about to refill it and I told her “I’m good I don’t want anymore” and she responded with “wow you gonna make me drink all this by myself?” She then started refilling it. So I drank it. I drank 3 glasses of champagne that night and almost threw up in the bath.
| 1 |
My employer will transfer me to another branch if I am not in work on Wednesday. Help?
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I(M19) work as a dispenser in a pharmacy where I am on my feet 8 hours a day. 2 weeks ago I went under general anaesthetic to remove a cyst that got infected and turned into an infected lesion and also had cellulitis in the same leg as well. The infection caused me to have a week off work as I couldn't put any pressure on the leg at all a week before the operation and I've had a week off when I had the op and have had one week off since. The drs have issued me with another sick note stating that I can't be in work for another 7 days.
However my manager called me today asking when I'd be back in (I have kept them updated the whole way through) if I wasn't in before Wednesday he threatened that I would be permanently moved to another branch and wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I can put pressure on it but my legs are still very weak and cannot be on my legs for any more than 15 mins before it becomes very uncomfortable and painful. I don't reckon I'll manage to be back on Wednesday but I could lose my job. I was told it would take 3 months to heal but it's doing very well so far. What should I do?
| 2 |
I think I’d rather be alone
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The threat that “you’d be alone with fifty cats” actually sounds better than doing everything including the emotional labor for two people in a relationship.
I’d finally be able to eat what and when I want, sleep when I want, work as late as I want, have whatever hobbies, keep as many and whatever color kitties I want, never worry if my pj’s are sexy enough, never worry if I’m being sexy enough, never cry that I’m too boring
I’d actually be loved unconditionally and missed if I died.
Bring on the god damn kitty cats! 🐈🐈⬛🐈🐈⬛🐈🐈⬛🐈🐈⬛🐈🐈⬛🐈🐈⬛🐈🐈⬛🐈🐈⬛🐈🐈⬛
| 929 |
I never got to meet my baby sister.
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Eight years ago my mother had a miscarriage. Almost a decade later and I'm still mourning the loss of someone who never lived outside of my heart.
I wonder if she ever heard me. Did she recognize my voice as being different than my mother and father's? I wish I could go back in time and kiss my mother's stomach. I wish I had sang for her and talked to her while she was still swimming. I don't know why miscarriages happen. Maybe they happen when babies don't feel safe. If I had made her feel safe than maybe she would be half my height by now.
I just want to hear her cry. That's what babies do after they've entered the world. They cry. That's how the announce to the midwife, mother, father, and big sister that they're alive. I want to hear her tell me that she's alive.
I love her. It goes without saying. I didn't need her to take her first breath for me to love her. But now she's dead and she's abandoned me. She is so mean. At least most people when they mourn the deaths of loved ones, they are comforted knowing that they had spent their lives with them. I never had a single fucking second with my sister.
When I have a daughter of my own I will name her after the baby sister I never got to meet. I have to. It's the only way she will ever be remembered. She has to have a legacy.
She will never know how much her big sister loves her. Above all, that is what saddens me the most.
Even as I write this I'm crying. Unbelievable. I'm nearly an adult and I still cry more in an hour than my baby sister ever did in her entire lifetime.
| 2 |
Just sad
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I know this seems silly but I'm just having a hard time. I had two boxer dogs for 12 years. They were litter mates and Missie passed away in my arms two months ago. Her sister has been depressed and has been exhibiting the same traits. I know it's coming but it's still hard to see. I feel like I'm being overly sensitive but I can't help it. My pups are like my kids in a way.
| 1 |
This can’t be a coincidence (18F)
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So, I fell in love with one of my good friends from school. I first fell for her in September of 2021 I’d say, and nowadays I feel it has faded since she’s gone off to college and I see her way less (she’s a year above me).
Anyways, I never got the courage to tell her. I come from an immigrant, Muslim, Arab family where homosexuality isn’t exactly welcomed. Although I do have some gay (male) family members, they aren’t accepted into the family in the same way as the rest and it’s quite clear.
My Junior year (2021-2022) of high school was very, very rough. I mean, she was on my basketball team and one of my closest friends but I was falling in love with her. Another thing to note is that she is bisexual, and so I think that cracked a door open for me that made it all the much worse.
It was like being stabbed in the heart with the most blissful weapon. She gave me the brightest sunshine and the darkest nights of my life.
I didn’t tell anyone until almost a year later, either. I felt there was nobody in my life who wouldn’t judge me if I had told them or think of me differently. I also felt I knew that she didn’t love me in the same way. Finally, I reached such a breaking point that I impulsively told my twin sister one August afternoon. And she accepted me with open arms. A couple weeks later I told my best friend. And a couple months after that I wrote about it in my college applications. And got into a great school.
I also told one more good friend who was also very accepting, except now I do regret it since she has gone off the hinges a little and I don’t know if I trust her so much anymore. But that’s besides the point.
In coping with this pain, I always tried to look for media (books, music, movies) that represented the heartbreak I felt for some reason. Things like Tchaikovsky’s 6th Symphony, Bad Religion by Frank Ocean, How to Cure a Ghost by Roisin, and Maurice by E.M. Forester.
Today, I went into the library at my University looking to check out Maurice and found a handwritten note tucked in right before part 3. I was with a friend of mine so I couldn’t react how I was feeling inside when I read it. Here is how the beginning goes:
“This is a letter left by a student who is about to graduate. This is his regret, unrequited love and undelivered message to a person that he secretly but deeply loved. He met that person so often here. Without knowing it, he was drunk in that person’s eyes helplessly. Without knowing it, that person became his reason to love being here. In his countless dreams he wished he had the chance to tell him all his feelings, and many other things, many joyful things he found here”
And it ends like this:
“However, he didn’t find enough courage to utter any word to him. On the last day here, he hid his feelings all in this letter. In a millionth chance that you are reading this letter, whoever you are, I hope you find someone you love. I hope you have the courage to tell that person you love them. I hope that person will return your love bravely. Life is short. Time waits for no one. We are nothing compared to the universe. May your youth full of joy. May you have no regrets. 2022 Christmas”.
I cannot make this shit up.
Obviously, it’s anonymous, so I cannot know who wrote it, but I would love to talk to him.
So now, I don’t know what to think. Or do. This has to be a sign. To do what? To tell her? She’s in a happy lesbian relationship with a non-binary person in college. I always told myself maybe in 20 years when the right moment comes I’d tell her, but I think it’s never the right moment. At least it’s not right now.
I guess I’m asking you all what you think I should do. Nothing? Something? How do I logic this out? I don’t even know what to think this feels like a dream. I am planning on really getting a therapist this time.
| 1 |
The “LOML” left me, and I am abnormally calm (?)
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(Advice would be so much appreciated)
We met online and instantly made a connection that truly felt like love at first sight. We got to know everything about eachother extremely quickly and he eventually came to visit me in person and stayed for two weeks at my family’s house. He would have been my first and was my first for many things, but because we are christians we saved that one thing for marriage, thankfully. I loved him more than anything, and he genuinely seemed to love me just as much and would make efforts to talk with me and care about me. We were planning on getting married and he got to meet my whole family and i met only some of his. He was very big on stoicism and because of that he was very (extremely) limited on his affectionate abilities but i still loved everything about him. It also helped him be more patient and present in the moment, and I really admired that about him. The stoicism is important to mention though, because he used it as a shield to validate/explain his lack of emotional investment in life/our relationship. Around 2 months before he left, he started becoming more distant, and would yell at me more often which was something he prided himself on never doing before. He started ignoring my texts, and chose more activities to stay busy (which i fully supported and actually really loved for him since he liked to stay busy). This became an issue though when he would add on even more outings or trips when he previously promised to do things with me on that certain day. I started to miss the old him, and started pointing out how he was actively making efforts to avoid me. Before, he was so caring of me when i was hurt by someone else, but when i was hurt by him, he would do everything in his power to tear me down and refuse responsibility or even honesty of his behavior. But then close to the breakup, he just stopped caring all together. He stopped asking me about my day, he stopped calling, he stopped texting, he did things behind my back he believed i had no idea about, and he stopped complimenting me. Though it seems only saddening on paper, in reality i was crushed and crying myself to sleep every night. When i finally admitted that I was crying so much because of him, he didn’t comfort or apologized, but accused me of hiding feelings from him and that he was the one hurt. I told him, kindly, “you never ask about my feelings anymore, when was i supposed to tell you when you never make time for me?” He snapped and we argued for hours and he held it over my head that the only reason i did all this to him was to keep him up at night to keep talking to me. We went to bed but I noticed changes, he was talking to me more and more affectionate. He was still distant but he for some reason seemed relieved and excited to talk to me when he did make time to call me. My dad had a heart attack shortly after, and that’s truly when I needed him the most. I told him immediately before we even arrived to the hospital and he was the least concerned and supportive person out of everyone who knew. He decided that day he was going to texas spontaneously to pick up some furniture and ignored me the whole day. I wrote him an ultimatum the next morning. When he got back to me the next day, he apologized and seemed to want to make an effort to be there for me. He didn’t, and barely talked to me that entire week. He knew what I wanted to hear, he didn’t want me to be the one to end it. He needed that control. One week later, he calls, he’s extremely happy, i assume he’s drunk because of how happy he is, but he’s just happy to talk to me. I genuinely felt like a weight lifted off of me after that call, i thought he was finally turning around and wanted that romance with me again. That was friday night. Saturday morning, i call him, excited to tell him about my new crochet tool, and i’m blocked. No message, no explanation, he’s gone. His family had blocked me on everything so i could get no answers from anyone. I was inconsolable and crying my lungs out to my parents and pastor. I’ve been through break ups before, i remain inconsolable for months, i cry non stop for months, but this break up, i cried once and then never cried again. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I was no longer miserable. I cried for months straight in secret in our relationship, and now i haven’t cried in almost a month since he left. Why? I loved him, i don’t understand why I don’t feel miserable when I wanted this man more than anything. Am i numb? I don’t know, but truth be told I am glad and proud of myself for never looking back. But why do I feel so at peace when he meant the world to me?
| 1 |
My gf is into rape.
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I'm 19 f and my gf 19 f I don't think I've talk about this w her before but she's really into rape she even told me while we're doing the nasty but I don't like it I'm not comfortable about it. the thought and feeling about me 'raping her' she really want me to fuck her while she's a asleep or sum like that and also she want me to fuck her in random times like when we're both taking a night walk she suggests that I fuck her in the dark alleyway while I cover her eyes or shit her whole face what do I do?? I'm not comfortable about the shits she's into. do I just tell her straight up that "hey babe I don't really like it when I 'rape' you in bed. While i fuck you in your sleep like you suggested" ????
| 1,631 |
Do I stay with my parents or leave for school?
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Sorry in advance for how long this post is going to be but I have a lot on my mind and need some help.
I (22F) am the eldest child of my parents (56M, 50F). We immigrated from our country to Canada in 2020. My parents were highly accomplished and successful back home, and since coming here have not had the same success. They are working minimum wage jobs. Recently my dad wanted to make a better life for himself and us and decided to do a certification. Course is from July-Dec after which there is 100% employability so I’m optimistic. He wants my mom to do the same certification along with him right now as well. In a way, I understand where they are coming from. It makes sense for them to go together and tudy together as it saves transportation costs etc. Due to the course timings, a full time job is impossible for both of them.
For context, I am currently in 3rd year of my degree program and also work full time at a good company in a good job, and live with my parents. I contribute to the household as well.
The challenge is that I recently got an opportunity to move to Vancouver, Canada as I got into a more prestigious business school as a transfer student. This school is one of my dream schools. When I found out I also started applying to jobs there, and have already managed to secure a full time, well-paid position. With Vancouver being insanely expensive, I will not have enough funds to sustain myself there while also contributing here.
I am considering staying back in order to help. They just asked me what I think they should do in terms of household expenses and managing school, and I’m genuinely lost. I feel bad leaving like this. I can’t put that pressure on my younger brother (20M) either. I feel like I should support them and get us all through this and settle better in Canada.
Bonus point: My mom also said that now that you’re leaving it will be way harder.
TLDR; I live with my family. Parents wanna go back to school. I wanna leave to go pursue a university opportunity.
| 2 |
I don't know how to deal with hate comments.
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(English is not my first language so I'm sorry if I have some mistakes, it's also the second time I'm writing this since the first one got deleted because my phone is stupid.)
I just dont know. I recently started getting shit ton of hate comments. I'm an artist and I'm a minor. I'm not sure how to start explaining it but, I have a couple of social media accounts, on a few different platforms, I have been posting my art on social media for around a year or two, I got a couple of hate comments but not in this amount. It has been like a month since it started. At first I tried to ignore it like normally, but it just got out of control. A week ago this group of people started targeting me on all my social media platforms and started harassing me everywhere on the private messages. Sending me messages on discord and sending me weird stuff on the Instagram dm. In short, what happened was that I used to draw nsfw drawings, I did like two, of character I like, which made a lot of people angry (understandably.) And after a while I realized what I did and stopped. I deleted one of them and the other one kept because it wasn't too bad, (just him shirtless). It took me a while but I grew out of it and realized what I did wrong and changed. It's been a few months since then and it has been pretty quiet. Until this group found my account. They started in comments, continued in more comments, started with DMS and made TikTok videos and send me stuff on discord. I just don't know how to handle it anymore. A few days ago it was my birthday, so I made a big illustration for it since I knew I wouldn't do like a party with friends since I don't have any irl. I thought it would be a happy day for me, this illustration took me over a month and a half to finish. Six different characters, and full background. Now I feel defeated. I tried to explain to them that I changed and I stop doing what I did and I even got therapy. But they just continued. Today I went to a movie with my sisters and at first when I saw the messages I tried to ignore my phone for the whole time so I won't have a panic attack but when I got home I just broke down. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel really lost. I don't know if theres something that I forgot, it's the second time I'm writing it. I really don't know anymore.
| 2 |
I love my best friends so much
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I’m 16 and I love my best friends so much. I’ve been best friends with one for years but I only got close to the other a year ago. Mainly cause the other friend got close to her. But I’ve grown to care so much for them.
I would be dying without them.
I love them so much.
Honestly I’m so grateful for them both and I just want to love them forever
| 1 |
I'm trying to learn to let go
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It's so hard to let go of trauma when that trauma feels like the foundation of your identity. My entire life I sincerely believed bullies and abusers when they said I wasn't a person. I believed that I was less than human for so long that it feels impossible to know differently.
Like I understand the logic. I can't see that people were taking stuff out on me and it went on for so long that I believed that they were right and I deserved it. I know I don't. I know what they did actually had nothing to do with me. I never spoke up or harmed anyone. I didn't do anything to be punished for. And yet if I'm less then perfect, if I even sneeze the wrong way, I go directly into fight or flight. I feel like I deserve to be physically or emotionally abused because that's all I've ever known.
I'm sick of living like this. I'm sick of feeling like I don't deserve to be on this earth because someone was rude to me, or my boss didn't like my productivity numbers, or even strangers in the Internet just trash talking in a game.
I don't want to care about these little things that wouldn't bother most people. I don't want to destroying my health because I'm not perfect. Being perfect won't make me feel safe. Being perfect won't stop me from being hurt. I'm just hurting myself in a foolish effort to protect myself. If I believe it was all true than I don't have to accept that I had no control over any of it. But that is the truth. There was nothing I could do back then. But there's something I can do now.
I can be kind to myself even when my inner feelings say that I deserve cruelty. I can set boundaries with people in my life. I can keep applying to different jobs to get away from my psycho boss who is going to keep using the same abuse tactics I grew up with. I can choose to stay away from people I don't think are healthy to be around.
I just wish I knew how to let go. I know this isn't an advice thread but if anyone has been able to afford therapy and had coping techniques, I certainly wouldn't mind you sharing. Journaling isn't helping. Posting this did help a little though.
| 1 |
I haven’t invited my obese friends to my new house
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A few years ago we moved out of state and replaced our furniture. What I failed to consider is that most of what I purchased is small, dainty, vintage, or (frankly) cheap and would probably not be able to support an obese person.
I'm so embarrassed because I just realized nearly all our friends have come to stay with us for a weekend since we moved except the obese ones. I simply do not have a bed, chair, or sofa that I’m confident could support their weight and that has been a barrier to me inviting them. Is there an elegant, affordable furniture brand that I could look into so I could have SOMETHING that makes my house more comfortable for them?
| 0 |
I'm drowning in everyone's, especially my best friends, problems
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Mentally I'm just exhausted and I feel guilty to burden all of you with this bullshit, but I need to get it out right now. This will be long.
I feel like I've become the go-to 'Therapy-friend' for everyone and my guilt keeps me from mentioning anything. Venting to most other people in my life isn't an option either because they would either talk about how bad and attention seeking my best friend is or straight off tell me to cut my losses.
As already mentioned, my bff is genuinely the most draining fixture of my life. He has a plethora of physical and mental illnesses and is stuck in probably one of the most toxic family dynamics I've seen (If it looks like a cult, acts like a cult and sounds like a cult...). The fact that he's trans is just the icing on the cake.
To list some of the worst things: He's bipolar, depressed, (potentially) suicidal and has a similar illness to autism. Sometimes he'll slip into a manic phase in which he'll literally jump and run around without being actually aware of anything and other times it's a wonder he got out of bed and isn't already mush under a tire. While he hasn't been cutting himself in a while, he'll start heavily scratching and sometimes even biting himself if he get's overwhelmed, which happens constantly. Even small crowds, made up out of people he knows, stress him out heavily causing him to be completely panic-y and act erratic. His hearing is also fucked due to a genetic brain 'disease' (Not sure if it actually counts as that) that makes it impossible for his brain to filter any sounds. Don't think I even have to explain why that makes everything even harder. I literally can't do ANYTHING ANYWHERE with him without keeping constantly on guard in case I have to care for him. Which happens often, of course. Because of course he wants to be normal and do normal things, no matter what. **No matter what, he has to be normal.**
And his family... I just wanna punch them in their faces, I swear. His family has a very tight-knit relationship which wouldn't be any problem, if that didn't include giving up their literal life to make each other happy. His whole life, my bff was constantly told that you'd die for your family and put up with ANYTHING. Now that he's also come out as being trans, they've been nothing short of unsupportive to the point that my bff was sure to be disowned if he were to get testosterone. Only recently (in other words **yesterday**) did his mom (and only her) agree to it.
And he can't even get out of this family dynamic, because he's practically been conditioned to view family on a f-ing pedestal. He'd probably just kill himself if they disowned them. Wouldn't even hesitate.
And guess who has to deal with ALL of this, giving both a shoulder to cry on and advice.
Me, of course. But I just can't anymore, at least for awhile.
Tomorrow we're we'll be going swimming together, but it'll probably turn into him off-loading his problems with a self-depricating smile and not a second thought while I just break. Quietly. Before having to continue with a fun day.
Yesterday I (and 7 other people) already had to spend over 2 HOURS after prom calming down another friend who drank too much, didn't eat enough and had her heart absolutely shattered by her ex who also HAD to be there and give her hopes for a second. She couldn't even walk nor sit and only stopped sobbing her heart out because exhaustion got to her. We ended up having to drive/carry her home at 4am and now I'm just done. (Of course I'm not blaming her, she's actually lovely and is just in a short rough patch. I genuinely like her and being in her presence. Quite the opposite as it is with my bff, if I'm being honest.)
I don't even know if I want advice, people to relate to or for people to leave me alone. I'm just done.
| 2 |
Soön this tońight I’m going to hâng. Never had a girlfriend, no family, no friends. Everything is alone. Nothing positive occurs for my benefit.
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This wèek marks the end of my miserable existence. I’m 20 years old and I'm here because I have nowhere else to turn. I've had a five-year deprêssion and made three suicide attempts. Since leaving high schōol, I haven't had any friends or a girlfriend, and I feel like I'm working myself to death. I attend còllege and am successful in all of my computer science classes. But if I don't have somebody to do things with in my life, it doesn't matter. Being aütistic has made it extra difficult for me to socially socialise and suffer from low self-esteem. Ironically, my lot is statistically either alone or dead by suücide, and I'll soon be adding my name to that list. Despite béing told I shouldn'tworry, I am confident in my intelligence and kindness and believe I will succeed in the future. But none of the things I formerly valued interest me anymoré. I spend a lot of time in my room when I'm not working, pondering why I should put in another week's worth of labóur. You'll claim, "I go out and stuff" and round up back in my room when every week is the same.
| 2 |
Been told to leave the company, manager probably threw me under the bus
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I can’t believe this is happening to me, especially in an European MNC. I was told on Wednesday by my manager that it is the management’s decision that I have to leave the company.
They can’t terminate me because my performance has always been good, and it’s officially recorded. I also found out by directly speaking to some of the management team (I was strongly advised against speaking to them by my manager, but I ignored) that I was not being singled out, rather the team was pointed out for not meeting expectations over a certain project. The realisation hit me that it was probably my manager’s failure that I was being made a scapegoat because only him and myself were supporting this project, and I was only ever incharge of a small portion which I delivered and had all the details documented via email to the different stakeholders. The part where it was deemed as failure was completely tasked to him.
Today, one of the C-level (who has a close relationship to my manager) sat me down and confirmed that it was MY failure, since we were part of the team, and told me to accept it and make things easier, and basically voluntarily resign. He offered me 2 months garden leave, and I accepted it because I completely have lost trust in my manager, and I was under a lot of mental stress, constantly wondering if perhaps it really was me that was the issue.
I still feel a slight sense of indignation as I’ve always had good performance. A number of my colleagues heard about this and offered me support (I’m quite well liked in the office and have established great connections over the years).
Do you think I made the right choice in accepting the offer?
I also have some shyt on them I can whistleblow to the authorities (I was digging up stuff on my last working day and found these). Should I do that and let all hell break loose?
| 1 |
I'm going out on a date but I'm still not over him
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I dated a guy a few months ago for a month that had everything I wanted: ambition, great intellect, great listener, emotional depth and he was cute. He cut me loose because he was falling behind in grad school. I'm still not over him, I felt like we had a real connection. He told me not to wait for him. I'm not but it still hurts so badly because I haven't found anyone before or since that can hold a candle to what he was to me. He was the total package to me but just wants to be friends. Let me tell y'all, he's 100x better a lover than a friend. He keeps me at arms length because I think I got too close to him. This hasn't stopped him from viewing and liking my socials though.
Anyways, back into the dating pool I go. Sigh.
| 2 |
I feel like I should just end it now before life gets any worse
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I don’t know where to start, I just feel unlovable. My dating life is nonexistent, everybody I know has had all these romantic experiences with people and I have to hear about them. I’ve had nothing.
I was close once though, I was talking to this girl and we both really liked eachother, then one day she just broke it off with me. That amplified my suffering, it went from just something that was frustrating that I thought would improve to who I am now. I cry almost daily, all I can think about is how she could’ve been it and now she’s gone
I go out with friends, I have a job, I try not to tell myself negative things, I try to stay busy, I’m still miserable. I want therapy but my mom is an unmotherly asshole that thinks I’m overdramatic and that it’s because I look at my phone. One time I mentioned suicide to her and she said it sounded like I was blackmailing her
People tell me “it gets better after highschool!” (I’m 17), but I’ve seen plenty of cases where it just didn’t. I don’t want to wind up like that, but I never get what I want in life, so I feel doomed. It’s comforting to know that I can just end it, it’s scary too, but I know it’s for the best. Hopefully my mom is who finds me, so she can at least finally understand.
| 1 |
Finally got my driver's license reinstated
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I should probably provide some context. The second half of 2022 was a rough time for me. Mental health was at it's worst and I got into a bad habit of abusing alcohol and prescription meds. I dropped my classes for the fall semester to focus on CBT to take care of my mental health. It was a fantastic decision overall and I finished in January 2023 but due to the substance abuse, I had a grand mal seizure in September 2022. I don't remember it at all but my mom and stepdad say it was very scary. I spent that night in the hospital and the neurologist in charge of my case sent a notice to the DMV (this is what happens when you have a seizure because they don't want you driving until you have been evaluated to make sure you aren't a danger to yourself or someone else on the road, which completely makes sense). I got off the meds I was on, stopped drinking, and focused on my CBT. I started school again in January 2023 after the CBT was finished and it went very well. But not being able to drive and relying on my parents to drive me everywhere was a pain in the ass and as most people know, the DMV is a notoriously obnoxious place to deal with. I had a reexamination appointment with them by phone at the end of February where they told me they needed letters from my neurologist and my psychiatrist. I send them those but apparently they didn't get them and didn't let me know until May. I send them again and they say something would come in the mail in two weeks with the decision on whether or not I'd be elgible to drive. I received nothing in the mail (shocker) and called them again today asking what was going on since nothing had come in two months. At first they said my license was still suspended, so I was pretty irritated and asked them why. They check the records and leave me on hold for five minutes and eventually come back saying they have great news for me. My license is reinstated and they forgot to change the status from suspended to valid. So as proof they emailed me a from stating that my license was valid and I am good to drive. I'm super relieved but fuck the people at the DMV are just inept at times.
| 1 |
Everything Just Sucks Right Now.
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I still can’t eat without getting, I’m in so much pain now and I can barely walk straight without having to put in tons of effort. I’m so tired of it all, stuck at square one for so long that with no real understanding of what’s wrong. I’m tired of being in pain, feeling weak and being stuck in bed. It all makes me feel so alone because no one in my life understands, and although I do appreciate the few that show support but sometimes it just makes me feel worse. So many missed opportunities that I just regret now, and I just want to get back to my better days.
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I may have to cut off my friend of 10 years
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I (20f) and my best friend (20f) have been friends since the 5th grade, we shared everything together and were inseparable. We ended up going to the same college studying different things, however we still found time for each other. In December of 2022, me and a guy started getting to know each other and eventually became exclusive, however this would not last long as 3 months later, in February, we broke things off due to him needing to focus on some things regarding his family. It was very hard on me because I got attached to him and I was still holding onto feelings. I looked to my best friend for support and she offered me a hand and told me to forget about him as, he would never change his decision. Well, at the end of June, we started texting again, and things got explicit, I thought i was finally going to win him back. 3 days ago, he called me saying that the way i’ve been texting him sounds like I wasn’t aware. I was confused and asked “of what?”. Turns out he has been fucking my best friend the entire time we’ve been broken up, the entire time she was “supporting” me and telling me to forget about him. Apparently, this was not a very private thing, because the entire friend group knew. He told me not to confront her and hung up on me. I had my suspicions on them, but i thought my best friend of 10 years would tell me if anything was going on. I don’t feel angry that she didn’t tell me, rather disappointed that she felt like she could not tell me the truth and I had to hear it from a guy i’ve known for less than a year!! What should I do?
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(Trigger Warning: suicidal thoughts) Why is the world so unfair?
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I can't take this anymore.
I have to spend most of my life working on a random ass job instead of focusing on my passions or what makes me happy, just like most people, while some lucky few gets to enjoy their lives and be someone. No hate towards them, good for them, but why?
I just wanted to be a good person, aid society, have fun and spend time with my family and friends; why is that such a rare thing to be able to have?
Mental problems fucked up my feveolemtn and ate almost a decade of my early years so I didn't even enjoy them and now I am being left behind and that sickness left wounds on me that complicate my relationship with other humans to this day and I don't have money or the time to fix it. Rich people would be able to life a second adolescence, get help.
With money I could visit my grandmother living in a distant city more often, pay for ber medic expenses, realize her dream of seeing a whale.
With money I could save my friends from slaving away unable to work on their passions too.
Both instead I will just work, worm away my life, all the people I love will die one by one, and one day I will die, probably won't have kids, even though I want a happly family with siblings, maybe adopt, but I don't even have money or the mental fortitute for one. Won't have anything or anyone left behind go remind me.
I love the world, people are nice, humanity is inspiring and art is beautiful, but I hate how most of us can't enjoy it.
I want out.
I spend the hours I should be sleeping crying in my bed with a knife on my neck and the only reason I haven't done it yet is because I feel ashamed of leaving my poor parents behind without support after all the investment they put on me after I destroyed their life.
I imagine the face of my mother finding my body in the morning, and I can't find the strength to do it.
My only regret is not killing myself sooner when those symptoms started showing up as a young teen because then at least the sunken cost would have been smaller and my parents would be able to get back up faster and spend their money and time in living their life better.
I know this isn't anything out of the ordinary, lots of people have way worse than me, I am privileged... But don't that anger you even more? That suffering like this is the expected? I hate this, I wish I, and everybody, could live life.
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no one ever talks about the bad side of keto/ridiculous meat diets
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inb4 a bunch of keto cultists get butthurt because someone said it wasnt healthy to eat giant plates of meat all day every day. hello cholestrol? gallstones. arthrosclerosis. why anyone would think this was a good idea is beyond me.
im sorry that you feel like less of a man if you eat a carrot, but youre going to eat a lot of them if you want to live after your heart attack.
anecdotally i have known people to be on similar low carb diets over the past 20 years and all of them are still fat.
every single one. i have never seen a low carb success story that wasnt from someone selling a bs diet or marketing some kind of service or product related to that.
plot spoiler it wasnt the keto. it was coke
i tried one once and it caused terrible gallstones. I had my gallbladder removed because of keto.
I was a vegetarian for most of my life before that so Im pretty sure it was the keto
my friend who is in her 30s in seemingly good health no medical problems and not that overweight and goes to the gym oftwn just had a quadruple bypass out of nowhere and im pretty sure it was the keto diet that did this.
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I, a lesbian, secretly love male attention
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I have identified as a lesbian for the majority of my teen years. I know I’m still young and many adults I come out to usually remind me that “things can change” in hopes that one day I’ll be straight. I understand why someone would say that to me, and I don’t think they have any ill intention in it, but I genuinely would be extremely shocked if I were ever attracted to a man. I say this because I want to make it very clear that this post is not written due to some form of sexual suppression; I have explored the options multiple times and every single time I have been proven to be a lesbian, whether I liked it or not.
Although I am a lesbian, and I am not one bit attracted to men, I have to be honest and say that I love the attention men give me. I have to add in that I’m hyper-feminine and I often dress in a way that many men may not clock as queer, so I often pass as a straight woman. I don’t think I’m above averages or anything but that’s from my own perspective so do with that what you will. I understand that my femininity is a privilege that comes at the cost of the oppression of masculine presenting women.
When I was in my early teen years, I didn’t get much male attention and once COVID hit I didn’t get any then either. I started to work on my appearance and style during COVID so when I started going to highschool in person, I looked very different from how I did in middle school. I was still in the end of that awkward stage but even then I did get much more attention than I was used to. When I was in middle school, the guys I knew wouldn’t treat me all that nicely; on a good day I was ignored, on a bad day I would have things stolen from me, things shoved in my hair while I wasn’t looking and I would be tripped to get a quick laugh. Once I came to highschool though, I saw that these boys that would avoid girls who looked like how I used to, would be weirdly nice to me. I didn’t trust them, but I quickly realized how useful a good appearance was.
Since then, I’ve been obsessed with making myself more appealing. Don’t get me wrong, I love wearing makeup, working out, doing my hair etc etc but I would be lying if I said it wasn’t partially because of the attention I got from it. I like the fact that guys will do nice things for me without being asked. I like that I get compliments on the way I look and that guys will ask me out. I feel bad saying it, but I like playing with men. I don’t try to imply that we will be in a relationship or anything but I don’t try to imply that I’m a lesbian until it seems like they’ll either will try to ask me out or Are getting actual romantic feelings. There aren’t many queer girls my age and the ones I do know are typically not attractive to me/I’m not attractive to them, so for most of my teens I’ve felt isolated from romantic attention. I’ve hated myself for not being able to stomach a relationship with a man, I wanted so badly to be loved in the ways I see my straight friends be loved. Now, I’ve accepted the fact that I’m behind on romantic experiences, I understand that my expectations are nothing but I burden to me so I should just accept being alone than rely on someone else; but I still love male attention. I don’t like it when people say graphically sexual things about me to my face or ask me sexual questions they wouldn’t have if I weren’t a lesbian but I love to be told I’m pretty. Every time a guy friend tells me he wishes he was a woman, that Im “fine as hell” to them, or that they have a crush on me even though they know my sexuality, I feel so relieved.
I feel very guilty about this and I know that it probably has to do with some form of internalized homophobia but I can’t stop myself from enjoying it.
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I think my husband loves me more than I love him and that makes me a little sad but so does the other way around.
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But then again - what am I even saying here. Just fortunate to have some who loves me at all in the first place.
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My boyfriends grandma might die
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I had a feeling that when my grandma was hospitalized in 2019 it would be the last time I saw her, and now I have the same feeling with my bf’s grandma.
She was hospitalized on a Saturday the 2nd of July and was sent home on Friday the 7th.
Her heart is weak with age, and she hardly eats.
My bf, his mom and myself visited her today for dinner. We brought pizza and she had a whole slice, the most she has eaten since being hospitalized. Her eyes kept trying to close with exhaustion and we left soon after dinner so she could get her meds and go to bed.
This evening my bf got uncharacteristically sad when we watched a movie (Hamilton) - he never really cries but he cried hard.
I comforted him, and I’m now stroking his hair while he sleeps.
I have a horrible feeling that she won’t be alive tomorrow morning, and I’m not sure I can sleep if I don’t get that feeling of my chest.
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My best friend
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I have a friend she's really nice all that great stuff.
Yesterday she kinda scared me a little I love a lot so when she said she was have a sort of panic attack I got scared but I didn't want to show her I was scared so I tried to calm her down she told me that she wanted to hear my voice she wanted me to calm her down in some sort of way but that's not really the whole point of this story.
I watch a movie/read called my broker mariko in some sort of way it reminded of me and my friend
I deeply care about her and want to perfect her and she's older then me by a few months but that doesn't matter I want her to be ok I want her do be safe I want her to happy I want to be with her for the rest of my life and I really don't care how long that takes I want to do that and I want to be with her :)
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I love my boyfriend's snores
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I just wanted to say the best part about falling asleep with him every night is hearing his snores. They just sound so cute and it helps me fall asleep faster surprisingly.
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I crave affection
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Recently I’ve just been dying for physical affection but I’m dating someone we communicate a lot but we don’t see each other often. Not his fault. Just wish to be kissed and cuddled :(
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God I’m sorry
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I’m sorry for everything I have ever said to u, I know I said a lottttttt of terrible things to y but I’m sorry. I apologize for everything. Pls pls pls forgive me and save me. pls I am sorry for saying how useless and evil ur, I called u stupid, disgusting and I wished y to go to hell, and how I wished satan can f u so hard to let u know what heaven really feels like. I’m so sorry. I can’t promise I wouldn’t say those words in the future but rn I just want y to guide me, to help me, to forgive me. Pls, I genuinely believe in god. Only if u give me what I want tho.
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I wish I knew what turned people off about me.
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I am such a hopeless romantic lover girl. I truly just want to be chased and courted... I just want to be 'the one' for somebody. I want people to say 'get you a Sky,' I want someone loyal and honest.
Maybe I cuss too much, or maybe I smoke too much weed, maybe I'm too loud, my teeth are too crooked, I'm too mean or too fat. Not pretty enough not smart enough not nice enough. Never enough. Even though I give my whole fuckin heart.
I wish I could read minds.
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one of my best friends treats me like her daughter sometimes and it's really comforting
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I (23F) have become really good friends with a lady(33F) over the past couple years. We met through a common hobby and she was really quick to take me under her wing and introduce me to her friends. When we go out to eat she or her partner will always insistent on paying, when i need her she'll drop everything and she always just makes me feel so special when we hang out and just seems so geninuely interested in me and what i have to say.
Lately she's started calling me "sweetie" the only other people i see her call sweetie are her young nieces. each time it just really warms my heart. "Hey sweetie" "oh you dropped something sweetie" "Oh my bad, sweetie"
Sometimes I'll be at work and I'll get a text like "I saw (mutual friend) and we where talking about funny and smart you are. Hope you're having a wonderful day!"
When I moved out of my parents house she went on and on about who proud of me she was.
Sometimes the treatment feels a little childish, there have been times where i almost feel like im being babysat but i dont mind. I know she just wants me to feel cared for respects my autonomy at the end of the day.
I was never really close with my mom or dad. they aren't cruel or abusive or anything, they just where absent emotionally, leaving most weekends after i got old enough to take care of myself. I love them and im greatful for everything they've given to me materially and finiancially. But they just never played a big role in my life, never took in interest in me, never said they where proud of me. I'm not complaining or asking for pity, I never really realized what I was missing and now i have it.
I was always so quiet and reserved but when I'm around her I can't help but act like a giggly little girl. I feel a lot more confident showing emotion. Showing affection with my other friends. flirting with people at the bar. standing up for myself. I still have a ways to go. I can still be a pushover, I can still close myself off, but I feel like much less of a loner in no small part thanks to my friend.
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I cant stop thinking about my friend’s weewee
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So I have a friend of mine, We’ve been friends for about 5 years now since I was in the end of junior highschool or early senior high school.
Actually we’ve been close to each other atleast 3 or 4 times this whole time.
Like we go on dates, he picks me up after work and we text whole day.
But we never get official or even hook up before.
And it never ends well, at the end its always either me with someone else or him with someone else
But again, we still stick to eachother whenever we’re not with someone else.
These days, we get close again after almost a year not really talking to eachother. We’re with someone else atm.
I broke up, and he’s single now, we text again and hang sometimes.
He feels like a safe space for me, like in this whole friends and environment (we work away from home now) he’s the one I trust the most.
So whenever im not feeling good or even heartbroken, being with him never feels wrong
And also whenever he feels the same way, I will try my best to provide a safe space for him too.
For the first time in 5 years we finally hooked up.
And now I cant stop thinking about his weewee, its not super great but idk probably the chemistry between us made that experience a total chefs kiss.
I cant stop thinking about it that I write this while working.
None of my friends support me if I get more serious with him, neither our old friends or our work friends.
What should I do?
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Who cares
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If I were to die today knowbody would care, since my divorce my friends family don't check on me my ex keeps my son from me I'm more alone then ever and the pain that lingers in my heart becomes unbearable none of you know me and that's the great part I can vent and no have to worry about what anyone might say if I go soon I hope my son knows he's my world and I'm sorry for his dad being weak and not holding strong while being kept from him I'm ready to die and I just can't anymore
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I wish my parents would mind their words towards me
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idk. they already know I’m unstable and very depressed yet they continue to say incredibly discouraging things. like insinuating I can’t succeed and scoffing/laughing at my failures. like come on. I want to say something to them about it but in the moment I can’t do anything but speak very little or stay silent bc it’s just so jarring. even when I show visible discomfort to what they say they act like they can no longer read body language or tone of voice.
I’m just so tired of this bullshit man. even if I were fine and mentally stable, some things just don’t need to be said.
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I feel uncomfortable that my girlfriend is crying over her dead bbf/exbf
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This is my first reddit post
I (20M) have been dating my girlfriend (20F) for about 5 or 6 months, and it's been a process for me to get to know her. I gained a lot of knowledge about various aspects of her life from the information she shared with me about her previous friendships and romantic relationships. I would also talk to her a lot about my life and other things, you know, the typical stuff. Anything I would ask about she would ask me the same, you get the idea. So recently I was been looking back at most of the stories and stuff she would tell me about and I decided to asked a few questions about one of her so called best friends(19M) since in one of her stories she told me that a best friend of hers was always there for her and that they had something going on back then. so I asked her did they go out and are they still connected she told me that they are still friends and that they somewhat had something but it wasn't anything special and from what I got out of that is they was friends with benefits or something, that had pist off but I let it slide because that was in the past and I can't really be extra over an old relationship. So like a few weeks past and it turns out her so-called best friend, who was also her ex boyfriend, dies and my girlfriend calls me and she Sobbing tells me about all the moments they spent together and how much she loved him . I'm not gonna lie I was very annoyed because why in the dang world is she crying about her dang ex bf and or as she says "best friend". And like why in the world is she telling me that she loves him and stuff , and that she misses him so much. personally i could care less about what happened to her ex-bf/best friend. Like I tried to support her just because I wanted to be kind but I can't . it is just very irritating and now she is talking to me less and less each day crying over him. She hasn't talk to me for like 3 days straight and the more I think about her crying over him the more I get annoyed. idk what to do, idk what to say to her, and Idk if im in the wrong . I just need some advice.
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Maybe I'm the Toxic One
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I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm not a very good person or friend. The majority of the time I listen, validate, support and offer options when I am asked by friends to help them with issues. But I'm tired now. My desire to be helpful often outweighs my own needs and I feel like I am failing my family and loved ones because I am constantly preoccupied with other things.
I have a burning desire to disappear and be unwanted and unneeded. But that desire frightens me because I don't want to be forgotten or replaced. It's conflicting and confusing.
I don't really know what I want or need andaybe that's why it seems like when I grow close to people, their lives fall apart. Maybe my personality is part of the problem? I don't know.
I'm just really tired.
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Moved to Rehab
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My mom (83) who has lived independently in an ADU I built for her fell and spent 12 days in the hospital. The night they moved her to a SNF for rehab she left items in her room. I have gone back twice. She is insisting that her Bose headphones were not the ones I brought to her and that they are still in her bedside table at home. (They are not.) Also she signed a power of attorney, but 'm afraid if I give it to the rehab facility they will think I am financially responsible for her care (which I don't want.)
Thanks for letting me get this offmychest.
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My date canceled on me so he could hang out with his friends
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About a week ago, I (27F) met a guy (he’s 26) on a dating app; I’ll call him Josh. We hit it off and made plans to go out on a date last Saturday. For reference, those plans were made last Thursday evening.
However, last Friday, my mom texted me pretty late at night and asked me to come home for dinner the next day. My brother had made a last-minute trip home for the weekend and his birthday was this Monday, so on Saturday we had a birthday dinner for my brother at our parents’ house. My brother currently lives around a 6-hour drive from the rest of our family, but in a couple of weeks he’s actually moving around 5,000 miles away from us. I already see my brother pretty infrequently as it is and I’ll see him even less when he moves, so I definitely wanted to go celebrate his birthday. Josh was super gracious and understanding of me needing to reschedule our date so I could go spend time with my family. He and I decided to reschedule our date for the following day instead (Sunday).
The next morning, Josh texted me that he was having a family conflict—his family had been having an ongoing argument over where to go on an upcoming vacation, and that morning his dad had showed up at Josh’s apartment, woken him up, and picked a fight about the topic with him. Josh was pretty upset, and while he didn’t directly ask if we could reschedule our date again, I read between the lines and told him it was totally fine with me if he needed to take the day to himself to decompress after the fight with his dad. He was clearly relieved that I had picked up on what he was hinting at, and he thanked me for understanding that he needed space. We decided to postpone our first date until today (Thursday).
I was really excited for our date… so of course, I was super disappointed when he texted me this afternoon and told me he was no longer available for our date tonight. He sent me a bunch of long texts explaining everything, and it’s a little complicated, but basically he and his friends were supposed to have an overnight camping trip/bonfire tomorrow night. One friends was on vacation but came home a day early and I guess the vacation didn’t go well, so this friend wanted to have the bonfire tonight instead.
Josh said that he’s been having a rough week due to the stress of family vacation planning, and he really needed to have a guys’ night tonight with his friends. To roughly paraphrase, he referred to the situation as him having been put in a place where he had to make a super difficult decision, but ultimately he had to do what would be best for his mental health— meaning he had to cancel our date so we could go to the bonfire instead. He said he was really sorry and that he never changes plans like this, but he’d still really like to take me out this weekend. He offered a few different date ideas and joked that no matter what day and time I chose, he would make sure he was there an hour early to be extra positive that he wouldn’t end up canceling again.
I took some time to think about it, then texted him about an hour later telling him I hoped he had fun tonight and I needed to think about it more but I would let him know what I thought. He thanked me, apologized again, and said he totally understood me needing to think it through. I replied not long after that and told him I didn’t think we should reschedule our date after all, but I wished him all the best in the future. He didn’t reply.
Honestly, I’m a little hurt. Josh was so kind about me needing to change our plans, and I wanted to extend the same consideration to him. That said though, I gave him one pass, and I felt like giving him another pass was a little too much. I also understand that his vacation situation is a little complex just because his dad is being a jerk about it, but idk… is it really so distressing that he had to cancel on me twice in the span of one week? I don’t want to minimize his experience, but like… he and his brother are both adults. Their parents want to go on a destination trip while the two boys just want to go camping locally. So I don’t know, why don’t their parents just go on the vacation that they want to go on and the two brothers can go on their own camping trip? I feel like if I was in this situation with my parents, I would just tell them to go do their own thing and have fun. Is this issue really throwing their whole family dynamic into ruin to the point where Josh feels he can’t be around anyone other than his closest friends during this difficult time?? If that’s really the cause of so much unrest, I feel like he’s being a little too sensitive.
Overall though, the main reason my feelings were hurt was because he and I had plans, but as soon as he got a “better” offer, he didn’t hesitate to cancel on me. One of my exes did something very similar to this in the early months of our relationship: we decided well in advance to spend New Year’s Eve together but a couple of weeks later, his friends invited him to spend NYE with them. He told me he was really sorry to change the plan on me since he was going to be hanging out with his friends. I saw that as a red flag and seriously considered breaking up with him over it—he ended up doing the same exact thing to me a few more times, including the Fourth of July and Halloween. It made me feel like his second option, like I was not even remotely a priority. It was really isolating and lonely. Josh’s willingness to toss aside our plans not only felt a little selfish and immature, but it brought me right back to that feeling of being someone’s B list. I don’t want to date someone who makes me feel that way; I’ve been there and I know I deserve more.
In this case, I know I’m a stranger to Josh and I’m glad he has such a special bond with his boys. No, he doesn’t owe me his time… but in the very early stages of dating, every single thing you do makes a lasting impression, and it’s clear he didn’t feel the need/desire to demonstrate to me that he’s reliable when it comes to plans. I really wasn’t interested in finding out if that would be any different once he got to know me and felt more of a tie to me or if that’s truly just how he is in relationships.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m a 21st century woman and I’m so glad to have missed living in the era of housewives… but I’m still a little traditional at heart and this move really was not chivalrous. I was legit getting dressed for our date when he texted me to cancel. A true gentleman wouldn’t do that to a woman!
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Sometimes I wish my mother would disappear.
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My mother is a first gen immigrant. For as long as I remember my mother and I never had a relationship. She’s a narcissist, controlling, bipolar person. My mom has always had issues with letting any of us girls out, which is understandable but extreme. I can be understanding of her rules about us being home at 9 pm in high school, I am now 23 years old and I still have to ask to go out, which a lot of times is a “no.” I’ve gotten used to this to the point I have no social life anymore, nobody wants to be friends with the 23 year old who’s only allowed out once a week with a curfew. The reason why I’m making this post now is because of a huge fight that broke out between my mother, sister and I. On Tuesday some of my siblings and nieces went to the zoo for my other sisters birthday. I called my mom telling her I wanted to sleep over and be at my sisters house for a day or two she said no and hung up. I came home today to my mother screaming and throwing a tantrum, she’s a narcissist and started saying things like “do you not have a home?” “Are you a English child” “this persons and that persons kid is always taking care of their parents, always staying home and watching them” etc. I pushed back which I usually don’t because it never ends well and once again, it didn’t. She started throwing things screaming non stop not listening to a word I said. I honestly can’t deal with it anymore. I’m so depressed and she is the cause of it. Ive attempted suicide 3 times because of her. I’ve been suffering since I was 16 and I finally had the courage to tell her and she let me know I’m an ungrateful piece of shit. I’m just so tired. Nothing I do will ever please her or make her happy. I cook dinner for her every single day, I clean the house everyday, I’m home 4 days of the week and work 3 days because she has made me lose my jobs by barging in at my workplace, screaming at me for working the 3 days I am. I have no money saved it all goes to her. I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t keep living like this. I know people will suggest I leave but she has made it very clear that she will end her life if I do. 8 months ago we got into a big fight over the fact she didn’t like the colour of the food I made and I said I don’t care, she then attacked me, I’m bigger and stronger than her so I grabbed her arms and pushed her on the bed and got away. She told all of my siblings I hit her and attacked her and kept that story even with my little sister as a witness. That same day I was packing my things to leave prepared to live on the streets and she hung herself on the chandelier in my living room, I still remember my little sisters scream, I ended up coming right on time saving her, I told my sister to call the police and she attacked my sister throwing the phone. I can’t live with the guilt that she killed herself because of me. I also can’t keep living with her, I’d rather be dead or homeless than continue my life like this.
| 2 |
I'm sad I only get to see my ferret 3 days every two weeks.
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I'm currently employed in a place where i only go home for 3 days every 11 days, so i only get to see my ferret 3 days every two weeks. Its been like this for 16 month, and im feeling really guilty. My family is taking great care of her, i know that, but everytime I go back to work on sundays, i feel so bad about leaving her. Shes 6 years old, for all i know this could be her final year and i still got 16 more months before my contract, so she may be dead before i get to be a big part if her life again. I adopted her from a clinic when she was just a few months old, and been there for her until I took the job, like a mama. What if she's sad that im not home? What if she'll die without me being there for her? How often do ferrets reach the age of 8? Plus she has a medical history ( had a tumor that was removed, and a history of diarrhea, shes on a special dry food).
I can't leave the job (If you want details as to why, send a private messege ) but i really want to be with her, I dont want her to be sad im not there, but i dont want her to forget me, and i dont know how long does she even has.
I know theres nothing much to do about this, but i just wanted to share. Thats it.
| 1 |
i want to leave home.
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all of my life i have hated living here and being around them ( my parents especially my mom ) my mental health progressively gets worse by the second and i can’t do anything about it. if i even slightly mention the idea of me being sad they get angry with me. my mom is an awful fucking person and i can no longer tolerate being near her. she’s the reason i might not even be able to college because anything i fucking do she always has a problem with it. idk what to do. im 18 and i have a job but it’s not enough to survive on my own and i’ve been looking at trying to find a roommate/room but there’s barely any in my area.
everytime i vent to my friends about her all the advice they can give is just that i should be patient and save enough money to leave buts that’s all i’ve been doing. waiting. everyday i wait for things to get better. but they don’t, there are always inconveniences that gets in the fucking way. i need to get away from her and if i don’t im itching more and more towards taking my own life.
| 1 |
Never felt so helpless
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When i was 19 i moved to the US on a student visa and i had never been so excited about anything in life. About a month after i moved i met someone and quickly fell in love. I never felt like that for anyone in my life but he was mean and treated me bad, we were engaged and even though I wasn’t the happiest i was with the love of my life and i was ok with that, last year i had enough of all the sneaky behavior and left, it hurt, I regretted every second but it had to end.
I moved to a different state and decided to try school again, I thought i was better but i was so depressed i kept failing my classes, i don’t think i can be legally here anymore and i feel like i threw my future away for someone else. He told me recently he had gotten married to someone he just met so she could get her paperwork and that literally broke me entirely as a person knowing he completely used me. I’m defeated in every single area of my life and i never felt so useless. I’ve been having awful thoughts about myself and nothing can make me happy anymore and my soul has been destroyed in a million pieces and I don’t think it’ll ever get back together. I’m tired of this life there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.
| 1 |
I feel betrayed
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My ex of 6 years and I have been separated for almost 3 years. In these 3 years, we stilled talked and slept together. We would text me and call me telling me about how much they missed me and my body. They talked about the possibility of getting back into a relationship. Today, they mentioned how they met someone and actually had the idea of asking them to marry them. This was about a few months before we met up for the weekend and spend it together. It feels like betrayal that they had this emotions and didn’t even let me know. They were okay with me being intimate and they spoke lies to my face. While we were sleeping together they said they loved me and now they admitted they don’t see a future with me. I just feel so betrayed
| 1 |
Beyond grateful
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I lost someone, but now, I appreciate how blessed I am with family and friends. I 24F working professional advancing in my career, but still being pampered by my parents and friends.
I worked GY shift. Sometimes my mom would cook something for me then bring it to my room. Last night, nagluto siya ng pansit. I thought she cooked it for them, sometimes they have church events and they prepared baon, then I discovered she cooked it for me. Super sensitive ko these days bc of what shitty things, naoverlook ko yung parents ko who are so gentle with me. Sometimes, ihuhug lang ako ni papa and during those times natataon na I needed those.
Yung friends ko sinusundo ako sa bahay bc they felt I needed someone. During these dark times, I met new and wonderful ppl. They listened to my rants without judgment. I learned a lot from them too.
Life is still good.
I only lost one but I gained more.
I started working out and eating today and it feels so good.
| 1 |
Husband got paranoid after smoking weed and called me for help. I'm pregnant and overwhelmed.
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I just had an episode when my mental health was in the gutter due to my hormones and a lot of stuff that happened in life. I was just starting to feel better. I'm too tired to take care of my husband's paranoia after weed, it doesn't happen often, but on top of all the other life stresses, it's a lot. I'm upset and feel like I can't depend on him and feel like I have to take care of him. He came to me for help, I love him and want to help him, I'm trying but it's so tiring. Just for once, I want to be able to feel rested and secure. Is it a wrong expectation? Is it genuinely too much to ask of your partner? I am genuinely asking. Maybe my unhappiness comes from unrealistic expectations. I feel stressed out that I can't seem to depend on him, that I'm his line of support. I'm so, so, so tired and overwhelmed. Not one week can happen without some upsetting stuff. All I want to do is enjoy the pregnancy. I feel so overwhelmed and scared for the baby and how every week of being stressed out is going to affect it.
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